Just Hold Tight

. . .

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, some places and incidents are products of the author’s imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved. No part of this story may be reproduced in any form without permission in writing from the author of the book.

PLAGIARISM IS A CRIME.

The story is written in Tagl

ish

. I apologize for those who wanted to read my story but they can’t because they don’t understand the language.

If you are reading this story on any other platform other than Wattpad, you are very likely to be at risk of a malware attack. If you wish to read this story in it’s original, safe, form, please go to:

https://www.wattpad.com/user/

jseeyou

T

HIS IS A BXB STORY. Kung hindi malawak ang iyong pananaw sa ganitong klase ng mga kwento, you are free to leave this story with peace.

. . .

Copyright © 2024 jseeyou

Prologue

00 :

The

Start

In this world filled with uncertainties, there was one thing I was always sure of— us .

Terrence wasn’t just my boyfriend. He was the quiet in my chaos, the warmth in my cold nights, ’yung laging nandiyan habang lahat ng bagay sa buhay ko, pabago-bago. For four years, we built something na pinangarap ko lang noon. We weren’t perfect, but we had each other.

Until one day, I woke up from a nightmare that felt too real.

“Let’s break up.”

“

W-what

…?“

“Let’s end our relationship.”

He looked at me with his emotionless face as my eyes started to shed in tears.

“

Pero…

b-bakit

?“

s

inubukan ko siyang

lapitan

sa kaniyang pwesto subalit

umatras

ito sa akin. Napahinto ako sa paglalakad.

Why? Bakit… ngayon pa? Bakit kung kailan

nahulog

na ako ng tuluyan sa kaniya?

Ano pa bang

pagkukulang

ko? Are my efforts still not enough?

Am I not enough for him?

“

Let’s not see each other again.“

Tumalikod

na ito sa akin at

nagsimulang

maglakad

palayo

. Tumakbo ako.

“

Hindi… p-please, no!“

“Babe, wake up!” dagli akong nagising sa bangungot nang may marahang yumugyog sa katawan ko.

Sobrang bigat ng pakiramdam ko. Hinihingal kong nilingon ng taong gumising sa akin at nakita ang nag-aalalang mukha ng kasintahan kong nakaupo sa gilid ng kama. Napakurap ako ng ilang beses.

Panaginip… isang masamang panaginip lamang ang lahat.

“Are you okay? I’m worried because of you. Kanina ka pa binabangungot kaya ginising na kita,” may bakas ng pag-aalala sa boses ni Terrence at pinupunasan ng maigi ang pawisan kong mukha.

Napatango naman ako sa kaniyang sinabi at tumugon. “S-sorry, ayos lang ako… may napaginipan lang.”

Nahihiyang inalis ko ang kaniyang palad sa aking noo at nagpunas ng pawis ko.

“Ano ba’ng napaginipan mo?” Tumingin ito nang diretso sa aking mga mata kaya napayuko ako.

“W-wala, hindi naman importante.” umayos ako ng upo at nag-inat ng katawan. Pinagmasdan pa niya ako saglit pero kalaunan ay nakita ko itong bumuntong hininga at tumayo na pagkatapos. Ginulo ni Terrence ang aking buhok.

“Whatever it is, your nightmare won’t happen because it’s just a dream,” pagpapagaan niya ng loob sa akin. Tumango naman ako sa kaniya at tumayo na.

Nagtungo ako sa banyo ng aming kwarto at naghilamos ng mukha.

Sinubukan kong kalimutan ang napaginipan ko kanina. I tried to focus on other things but even if I tried to forget about it, it’s still coming back in my memories.

Paano kung… magkatotoo nga? Paano kung magsawa na siya sa akin? Paano kung makahanap na siya ng papalit sa kinatatayuan ko?

Paano kung tuluyan na siyang

makipaghiwalay

sa akin? Kakayanin ko ba?

Kahit naman ayokong aminin, pero marami talagang mga posibilidad na maaaring mangyari sa aming hinaharap.

There are billions of people living in this world. At nakakatakot mang isipin pero hindi talaga maiiwasan na maraming pagsubok at hahadlang sa aming relasyon.

Sometimes, I wonder if… was it just a dream? Or was it a sign?

But those questions were immediately answered… when she came.

With her gentle smile and shared wavelength with him, she slowly made her place in his world. To his world I thought I belonged to.

This isn’t a story of grand betrayals or loud heartbreaks. Walang sigawan, walang sabunutan.

Just silence.

Just small shifts.

Just love… slowly fading.

And now, I’m left to ask: h

anggang kailan ka

kakapit

, kapag

nararamdaman

mong

unti-

unti

na siyang

bumibitaw

?

  Ito ang kwento namin.

A love that was once soft and certain. A love that may not be enough.

Chapter 01 : Unraveling

a/n: finally decided to continue this story after two years, lol. enjoy reading!

. . .

01 :

Unraveling

Ethan’s POV

The library was silent, save for the occasional rustle of pages and the hum of the aircon. I sat at a corner table, furiously scribbling notes for my upcoming exams.

Tumingin ako sa phone ko at binuksan ang screen, hoping for a message from my boyfriend, Terrence. It had been days since we last spoke properly. Palagi kasi itong busy. Always buried under a mountain of academic work.

In-open ko ang messages namin at tumipa ng mensahe sa kaniya.

Me:

Hey, want to grab dinner later?

Nilipat ko ng pahina ang librong binabasa ko at bumalik sa pagsusulat ng reviewer. Kasalukuyan kasi akong nagbabasa ngayon ng isang makapal na libro at sinusulat ang mga importanteng detalye sa isang papel. But after a minute of waiting, of course, no reply. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ako mapakali ngayon. The stress was getting to me these past few days. Hindi naman sa marami akong ginagawa, pero ang dami ko kasing inisiip.

Nang tinamad ay niligpit ko na ang gamit ko at sinukbit ang bag. I got all of my things and left the library of our school after.

Right now, I’m currently in my 3rd year as a college student and it really is not surprising anymore that my schedule is becoming hectic.

Well, both of our schedule actually.

Muli kong tiningnan ang cellphone ko sa kamay at tulalang binasa ang message ko sa kaniya.

It’s been a week already since our last hang out. Terrence and I are both 3rd year students. Nasa iisang university lang din kami. Although we both study in the same environment, our courses are not in the same field.

I’m currently taking nursing while he’s an architecture student. At dahil walang connect ang mga courses namin, may mga pagkakataon talagang hindi nagtutugma ang mga schedules namin.

Katulad ngayon.

Lumabas ako ng building namin at tinahak ang daan patungo sa building nila. It was quite a long walk dahil sa distansya ng building nila pero hindi naman nakakahingal. I sat on a bench near the place and looked at my wrist watch. 6:49 PM.

Ipinatong ko sa tabi ang bag ko at tahimik na hinintay ang dismissal nila. 11 minutes nalang naman at mag-uuwian na sila.

Nilibang ko muna ang sarili ko at nagscroll saglit sa Facebook. In-open ko rin saglit ang Messenger ko and chatted some of my friends hanggang sa dumating ang oras na pinakahihintay ko.

I watched the other students walking towards the gate and waited for Terrence to show up. Mahigit limang minuto rin yata akong naghintay at pinanood na maglabasan ang ilang estudyante pero nanatiling kunot ang noo ko nang hindi makita si Terrence.

Where is he?

I opened our messages once again and typed if he already went home. But as expected, I received no reply.

Bagsak ang mga balikat kong tumayo at ibinalik sa bag ang phone. Hindi ko alam kung nasaan siya. Should I go home now? Or should I wait a bit more?

I chose the latter. Naghintay pa ako ng ilang minuto pero hindi na ako umupo. Instead, I walked closer to the building so that I could clearly see the faces of the archi students passing by.

Baka naman nalagpasan na ng mata ko?

But if he’s already outside, he should’ve replied already. Ilang segundo pa ang hinintay ko bago napagpasiyahang umuwi ng tuluyan. But before I left the scene, my eyes immediately stopped midways when I saw my boyfriend.

He’s walking with his friends while chit-chatting. Awtomatikong kumalma naman ang pakiramdam ko at inayos ang aking postura.

I walked towards them and smiled at him.

“Terrence,” I called him. Napalingon naman siya sa akin at nanlaki ang mata.

“Hey,” tugon nito. Bahagyang tumahimik naman ang mga kasamahan niya at napatingin sa akin.

“Hi, Ethan,” bati noong isang kaibigan nito na lalaki. Nginitian ko naman ito at kumaway sandali. I know some of his friends. Pinakilala kasi ako ni Terrence sa mga close friends niya at hindi naman tago ang relationship namin in public.

He was actually the one who insisted to come out in public while I don’t. Hindi naman sa kinakahiya ko siya pero hindi pa kasi ako out that time. But as time passed, unti-unti na ring kumalat ang kung anong namamagitan sa amin ni Terrence. And now everyone knows about us.

“I told you to not wait for me here. Alam mo namang ginagabi kami ngayon. Did you wait at the library again?” Pinaningkitan ako nito ng kilay. Napakamot naman ako sa ulo.

“Sorry na,” suyo ko rito. He sighed and helped me carry my things.

Sandaling nilingon niya ang mga kaibigan niya kaya napalingon din ako sa kanila. Most of his friends are boys but there are also some girls. Si Terrence kasi yung tipong mabilis maka-attract ng tao dahil sa warm vibe na mayroon siya. He’s like a walking magnet na dahil sa vibe and personality niya, halos napapalapit sa kaniya ang lahat.

Napatingin ako sa isang babaeng nakatingin din ngayon sa akin. Ngumiti ito sa akin kaya nginitian ko rin siya pabalik. I know her.

He’s one of Terrence’s new found friend. Bagong pasok lang daw nito sa university as an archi student this year and she’s currently a freshman. I once talked to her noong in-invite siya ni Terrence sa birthday party niya and she’s quite the shy type.

Tulad ng boyfriend ko ay magkapareho lang din sila ng vibe. Maybe that’s the reason why they become friends immediately.

Inakbayan ako ni Terrence at nag-wave sa barkada niya. “We’re leaving, guys.”

Pag-uwi ay naglinis agad kami ng katawan at nagpalit ng mga suot. We’re actually live-in partners. Although I said that it’s been a week since we’ve last hang out, that’s also the truth.

Matagal na kasi kaming walang oras para sa isa’t isa at tanging sa pag-uwi nalang kami nagkikita. Early shift kasi ako while he’s studying mula tanghali hanggang gabi naman. Pinapasok na ako sa ilang ospital para ma-experience namin ang pagiging nurse kaya minsan, on duty, minsan naman ay may klase.

Habang nagbabasa ng katawan si Terrence sa banyo ay napatigil ako sa ginagawa nang umilaw ang cellphone niya.

Out of curiosity, I grabbed his phone to check what’s in the notification and saw a text message.

2 Unread Messages.

Binuksan ko ang phone ni Terrence dahil wala naman iyong password at nakita ang pangalan ng taong nag-message sa kaniya.

Bianca:

are u still up?

Basa ko sa new text. Hindi ko binuksan ang convo nila para manatiling unread ang messages. It’s her. The girl who smiled at me earlier. Baka may itatanong lang.

Sa baba lang ng message nito ay ang messages ko kanina. Napasimangot ako nang makitang nabasa naman niya ang text ko. Bakit hindi nag-rereply? Nag-exit nalang ako sa messaging app niya at bumungad sa akin ngayon ang wallpaper nito.

It’s the two of us. Our first picture as an official couple four years ago. Noon pa kaming magkakilala ni Terrence sa high school. We were classmates back then and surprisingly, he was the one who got a crush on me. Hulog na hulog ito sa akin dati na halos kami ang laging tambulan ng asaran sa klase. Hindi kasi ito nahihiyang ligawan ako kaya after lang ng ilang months na panliligaw niya ay sinagot ko na rin siya.

I randomly opened his gallery and saw various of photos, mostly related to his studies. Puro lines and drawings. May ilan namang mga selfies niya na mag-isa siya pero karamihan talaga ay mga papel at pictures sa projector.

I scrolled down more hanggang sa marating ko ang mga pictures and videos taken last month. I recognized the setting. It was the private modern resort where we last celebrated the 21st birthday of Terrence.

Napangiti ako nang makita ang iilang pictures namin ni Terrence. There are some pictures that’s only the two of us. And there’s also group photos. Pinindot ko ang isang solo picture nito and zoomed it in.

His background was the aesthetic part of the pool. Naka-front view ito pero nakatingin siya sa side. He’s wearing an unbuttoned polo shirt and shorts kaya talagang lumalabas ang appeal ng katawan niya. Namula ako.

I guess I’ll never know the reason why this Greek god fell in love with me.

And I’m not joking. Sino ba naman kasing mag-aakalang magugustuhan ako nitong ubod ng kapogian kong jowa? He’s tall, black haired, slightly tanned skin, pointed nose, and thin lips. Dahil hindi nakabutones ang polo nito ay kitang-kita ang six-packs niya at talagang hapit na hapit sa sleeves and biceps niya. He is… every girls and gays’ living dream.

Napailing ako sa naisip at nag-next nalang ang picture. Now it was our group photo with his friends.

Nilipat ko pa ng ilang beses ang mga pictures hanggang sa mag-stop ako nang makita ang isang video clip. Pl-in-ay ko iyon at nakitang five minutes ang duration ng vid.

“Let’s do it, bro!”

“Damn wild night!”

I can hear from the video Terrence’s friends cheering about something. Saglit ko namang inalala sa memorya ko ang eksenang ito pero kahit anong isip ko ay hindi ko maalala. Maybe this happened after I passed out? Naalala ko kasing mas nauna akong nakatulog sa kanila dahil sa kalasingan kaya pinaakyat na ako ni Terrence sa kwarto.

I looked at their surroundings and figured they are inside the living room of the resort’s house. Mukhang wala na rin ang ibang mga bisita at ang mga kaibigan nalang nila ang natitira.

They’re sitting on circles while there’s some cards and bottles of alcohol on the floor. Nasa lapag silang lahat at sobrang ingay ng background. They’re playing a game?

Since the camera’s focusing on Terrence’s angle, you could clearly see how drunk he was. Kapansin-pansin ang pamumula ng mukha nito habang tila nakabalandra nalang ang katawan nito dahil sa unbuttoned polo niya. I can’t tell if he’s red because of his situation or because of the people around him saying.

“Come on, girl. It’s just a game!”

“Do it! Do it! Do it!”

Napatingin naman ako sa babaeng nakangiti at namumula ang pisngi habang umiiling. Tulad ni Terrence ay naka-indian sit din ito at nakasandal pa ng bahagya ang gilid ng katawan sa kaliwang braso ni Terrence. She’s wearing a light blue crop top and a small black shorts that really complimented her light skin tone. Unlike him, she looks a bit sober.

“Ayoko nga!” she giggled. The noise in the background booed her.

Tumingala ito sa katabi niya at saktong yumuko naman si Terrence sa kaniya. Their faces were almost just an inch away. He smiled.

“It’s fine. Just a dare.”

After Terrence said that, her body immediately went pale. Umiwas ito ng tingin at nakangusong lumayo sa kaniya. Kinuha nito ang isang bote na may laman ng alak at walang pasabing tinungga iyon. Naghiyawan ang mga kaibigan nila.

“That’s it, sis!”

“Chug! Chug! Chug!”

“Yeah!”

Before she gulped the beer, she suddenly stopped and let the alcohol stay in her mouth. She looked at my boyfriend once again and he stared at her with the same intensity she’s giving. Biglang kinutuban ako ng mali.

Kunot-noong pinanood ko ang susunod na mangyayari. When she crawled back to her place, the crowd just suddenly shouted, as if waiting for the most anticipated moment.

Nakaluhod na ito nang tumabi sa gilid ni Terrence. The boys on the other side of him was shrugging him constantly so he had no other choice but to turn his body while still indian sitting in front of Bianca. Magkaharap na sila ngayon.

I was about to see the final act when suddenly, the door of the bathroom opened.

Marahil sa gulat ay dagli akong napatingala sa kinatatayuan ni Terrence. He was now dressed up and ready to go asleep. Pinupunasan nalang nito ang buhok niya nang mapadako ang tingin niya sa akin.

When he saw his phone in my hand, his expression immediately darkened. I was taken aback when he suddenly snatched the phone I’m holding and shut it off. My eyes widened in surprise.

“N-nag-text sayo si Bianca. May itatanong yata–”

I was not able to finish my sentence when I saw irritation flickered in his eyes and proceeded to go back in the bathroom.

Chapter 02 : Confrontation

Warning: mature scene.

. . .

02 :

Confrontation

Ethan’s POV

Hindi ko na nagawang makapagsalita pa nang bumalik ito sa banyo. I was so stunned in my seat because of his sudden change of mood.

He stayed there for a couple more minutes. Maya-maya ay lumabas na ulit ito pero tuyo na ang buhok.

I was already finished cooking by the time he came back and we both started eating eventually. Tila maayos na ulit ang pakiramdam nito ang humingi ng tawad sa inakto niya kanina. He said he was afraid I might’ve removed something in his gallery daw because I did that before.

Dati kasi, I once used his phone and checked his gallery noong bago palang kami. D-in-elete ko kasi yung ilang mga pictures sa phone niya dahil akala ko, hindi siya nagbubura sa storage niya even though it was taken years ago. Turns out, mga importanteng files pala yung iba kaya pinagalitan niya ako. Nag-sorry naman agad ako nang malaman ko iyon at hindi na inulit pa.

Dahan-dahan akong tumango sa kaniya at hindi na umimik pa. The heavy atmosphere subsided later on at muling bumalik ang kaginhawaan sa dibdib ko.

I thought he was mad at me.

Naghugas ako ng pinggan pagkatapos at si Terrence naman ay saglit pang may tinapos na school related bago tumungo sa kama. Sumunod naman ako after at tumabi sa kaniya.

I closed the gap between us and wrapped my arms around his waist. He extended his one arm and place it at the back of my neck, making it act as my pillow. Hindi kalaunan ay dinaluyan na rin kami ng antok at nakatulog.

I wonder what happened in the last part of the clip…

The next day, we finally decided to spend some time together. Of course, I was excited. After a long week of not having fun outside, ngayon ay nag-aya na ulit si Terrence na lumabas kami.

I thought everything’s back and finally going in places. However, upon arriving at the café, my’s heart sank.

Terrence had brought along some friends.

Ang akala ko… kami lang.

There’s a slight heaviness in my chest when I realized he just brought me with him so I won’t be alone in the house. Sunday na kasi. I really thought we’ll be going on a date outside dahil tapos na ang mga ginagawa nila pero hindi pa pala.

But it’s alright. Kaysa magdamag akong nakatulala sa bahay at hihintayin lang siyang makauwi ngayong araw.

As the day progressed, I couldn’t shake off the gnawing feeling of unease. We were all gathered at a cozy little café, our usual hangout spot after a long week of college classes. The atmosphere was warm, filled with the laughter and chatter, but my attention was fixated on… Bianca. She was seated next to Terrence, and her behavior was becoming increasingly… flirtatious?

Hindi ko alam kung bakit nakakaramdam ako ng ganito. Wala naman akong kakaibang nararamdaman dati pero ngayon… after seeing that video of her with my boyfriend… something just doesn’t feel right.

Bakit ganoon ang naging reaksyon niya?

Kahit noong paggising sa umaga, dala-dala ko pa rin ang katanungan na ’yon sa isipan ko. I got curious on what happened after that video. Sinubukan ko pang panoorin iyon kanina pero hindi na ako nagtagumpay dahil dinala ni Terrence ang phone niya kahit noong maliligo na siya sa cr.

And now, they’re both here. At magkatabi ulit sila tulad ng pwesto nila roon sa video.

There are eight people sitting in one table. Apat kaming nakaupo sa isang mahabang sofa na nakadikit sa dingding, habang sa tapat namin ay ang natitirang apat na kaibigan ni Terrence. Maybe some are not really his friends at kasama lang sa project na ginagawa nila.

Nakaupo ako sa pinakadulo sa kanan habang nasa kaliwa ko naman si Terrence. Beside him is Bianca and then another person.

Noong una, hindi ko sila pinapansin at tahimik lang na nag-cecellphone sa tabi. Although I was silent the whole time, hindi naman ako na-oout of place dahil paminsan-minsan ay nagkukwento ako tuwing sila’y nagtatanong. But somehow, my focus keeps on getting distracted by Terrence and Bianca.

At first, it just was subtle. Bianca laughed a little too heartily at Terrence’s jokes, her laughter ringing out like a bell. But later on, I noticed how she leaned in just a bit closer to Terrence than necessary, her eyes sparkling with interest. She touches his arm more frequently, and her fingers lingering longer than what seemed appropriate for just friends. Each touch, each laugh, was like a weird lightning… struck to my heart.

“Haha! Ang galing mo talagang magpatawa, Terrence.” I heard Bianca said, her voice filled with admiration. She placed her hand on his arm, her fingers lightly tracing patterns on his skin. Terrence chuckled, seemingly oblivious to my growing discomfort.

Napakuyom ako ng kamao sa baba ng lamesa, trying to keep my emotions in check. Napapilig ako ng ulo sa iniisip ko at napabuntong-hininga.

Maybe… I was being paranoid, that Bianca was just being friendly, and getting touchy is a natural thing for her.

I tried dismissing the feelings growing inside me. Hindi ko na namalayang lumipas ang mga oras at inabot na kami ng gabi rito sa café. Doon na kami nananghalian at mabuti nalang may mga pagkaing ma-oorder sa lugar na ’yon.

But as the evening wore on, her actions became more blatant. I secretly glanced at her when she suddenly moved closer to Terrence, her thigh brushing against his. She whispered something in his ear, her lips almost touching his earlobe. Terrence smiled and nodded, leaning into her slightly.

At that moment, I felt a surge of jealousy and fear. Why is she acting like this? Nakakalimutan ba niyang may boyfriend na iyong kausap niya? I was so confused that I kept on overthinking things. Nagiging OA lang ba ako at nag-iisip ako ng kung ano-ano kay Bianca? Maybe she’s just really that innocent at malapit lang talaga siya sa mga seniors niya?

But I didn’t even saw her talking to others, other than my boyfriend. Medyo nag-init ang ulo ko.

I tried to engage Terrence in conversation, hoping to divert his attention.

“Terrence, natapos mo na ba yung sinasagutan mong paper kagabi?” I asked, and my voice slightly strained. I don’t even know what I was pertaining at this point. Ang tanging naaalala ko lang naman ay mayroon siyang pinagkaka abalahan kagabi kaya iyon ang naisip kong itanong kay Terrence para lang mawaglit saglit ang pag-uusap nilang dalawa.

But then I was immediately stunned when Terrence turned his gaze to me with a hint of annoyance in his eyes.

“Not yet, Ethan. I’ll get to it,” he replied curtly before turning back to Bianca. Bigla akong napatikom sa pagsagot niya.

What’s… with the sudden coldness?

Saglit kong sinulyapan ang mga kasama namin pero mukhang hindi nila napansin ang kinilos ni Terrence… or more like nakita nila pero tila normal na iyon sa kanila.

Muling bumaling ang tingin ko sa kanilang dalawa when I saw Bianca’s hand found its way to Terrence’s chest, her fingers lightly brushing against his shirt. “You know, Terrence, you’re really amazing. I don’t know how you manage to stay so calm and collected all the time,” she purred, her voice dripping with admiration.

My jealousy flared hotter. I tried to take deep breaths, reminding myself that Terrence is my boyfriend, not hers. But the way Terrence was responding, the way he was so relaxed and open to Bianca’s advances, made my heart… ache.

Napaiwas ako ng tingin sa kanila at napalunok. Right now, I’m feeling… uneasy.

Time passed by like a blink of an eye. Sobrang dilim na ng kalangitan noong matapos sila sa kanilang ginagawa at napagdesisyonang pumunta sa isang bar kasama ang buong barkada. Akala ko noong una, uuwi na kami pero hindi pa pala at balak daw nilang mag-inuman saglit. Hindi naman ako makaangal dahil parang magmumukhang KJ lang ako.

As the group decided to move to a different venue, Bianca stood up and looped her arm through Terrence’s. “Terrence, you have to tell me more about that funny story you were talking about earlier,” she said, practically ignoring my presence. Napatingin naman ako kay Terrence at tila nakaramdam ng kirot nang hayaan nito ang babae sa ginagawa. Nauna na silang maglakad and left me like I wasn’t even there.

Unti-unti kong naramdaman ang panunubig ng aking mga mata.

What’s… his problem? Am I a ghost to him?

Bakit… hindi niya mapansin ang estado ko ngayon?

Sighing in defeat, I trailed behind them, feeling like a third wheel in my own relationship. I watched as Bianca continued to monopolize Terrence’s attention, her laughter ringing in his ears, her touch lingering on Terrence’s arm. Every moment felt like an eternity, each one vanishing away my confidence and security.

When we reached the new venue, a small bar with dim lighting and soft music, I tried to sit beside Terrence, but Bianca was quicker. She slid into the seat next to Terrence, her body pressing close to his. I was forced to sit across the table, my view of Terrence partially blocked by Bianca’s flirtatious presence.

Throughout the night, My jealousy and frustration grew. Bianca’s actions were no longer subtle. She was openly flirting, touching, and laughing with Terrence. Terrence, for his part, seemed to enjoy the attention, his smiles and laughter coming more easily as the night wore on.

My heart pounded in my chest, a mix of anger and sadness. I felt invisible, my presence overshadowed by Bianca’s boldness. That time, I really wanted to scream, to demand that Terrence acknowledge me, but I felt… powerless.

Instead, I sat there, fists clenched under the table, my eyes burning with unshed tears.

When the evening finally drew to a close and they all prepared to leave, Bianca turned to Terrence with a coy smile. “Terrence, can you walk me home? It’s getting late na kasi, hehe,” she asked, her voice laced with an innocence that belied her intentions.

My heart skipped a beat once again. “Can you not walk her home tonight? I… I don’t feel comfortable,” I finally said, my voice barely above a whisper.

Napalingon naman si Terrence sa akin, but now with a hint of… disappointment in his eyes.

“Ethan… she’s only 18. Are you saying I should let her walk home alone?”

I felt my heart shatter at the coldness in Terrence’s tone. I couldn’t argue anymore, feeling like any protest would only drive a wedge further between them. Tiningnan ko ito sa mga mata, nagbabaka sakaling maintindihan nito ang nararamdaman ko. But in contrast, he frowned at me.

“Fine,” I said softly, my voice cracking.

“Here, take my keys. May extra pa akong dala. Mabilis lang kami, I promise. She just needs someone to accompany her.” Malambing nitong ani sabay binigay ang hawak niyang susi. Napatitig naman ako bagay na iyon at napakurap.

Is he… really serious?

Terrence didn’t even look back as he walked off with Bianca. And yet I stood there, feeling a profound sense of loss. I waited a few moments before deciding to follow them, my heart pounding with a mixture of jealousy and dread.

I don’t know why but I just had a feeling… I should do this.

I kept a safe distance, making sure not to be seen. My mind raced with dark thoughts as I trailed behind them. Every laugh, every touch, fueled my anxiety. I’m still hoping I am thinking wrong, that my fears were unfounded.

But deep down… I knew something was going on.

They stopped outside Bianca’s house, the soft glow of the streetlights casting long shadows. I silently watched from the shadows as Bianca turned to Terrence, her face illuminated by the soft light. She placed her hand on his chest, her fingers tracing slow and deliberate circles.

“Thank you for walking me home,” she whispered, her voice dripping with seduction. She stepped closer, her body pressing against his.

Terrence’s hand found its way to her waist, pulling her even closer. Their faces were inches apart, their breaths mingling in the cool night air. My breath hitched as I watched, my heart pounding in his chest.

No…

No, please.

Please tell me I’m just dreaming.

Please tell me that all I’m seeing is a lie.

Bianca’s hand slid up Terrence’s chest to his neck, her fingers tangling in his hair. She leaned in, her lips brushing lightly against his. Terrence… didn’t pull away. Instead, he deepened the kiss. His hands started roaming over her back and pulled her tightly against him.

Tila huminto ang oras dahil sa nasaksihan ko. I felt like… the world began to spin.

I watched in horror as the kiss grew more passionate. Bianca’s hands were everywhere, her body moving sensuously against Terrence’s. He responded eagerly, his own hands exploring her curves.

They broke apart for a moment, gasping for breath. Bianca’s eyes were dark with desire as she looked up at Terrence.

“Come inside,” she whispered, her voice husky.

Terrence hesitated for a split second before nodding. And I couldn’t watch anymore. I staggered back, feeling like I had been punched in the gut. Tears started to streamed down on my face as I stumbled away, the betrayal cutting deep. My heart ached with a pain so intense it threatened to consume me.

This time, I knew things would never be the same again.

Chapter 03 : Where it All Started

Warning: mature content and explicit language.

. . .

03 :

Where it All Started

Terrence’s POV

The moment I crossed my path with Bianca, I never expected to have any connection with her. It was just another dinner, another gathering with my circle of friends. Nandoon siya kasama ng isa kong kaibigan, tahimik at tila nahihiya na makisalamuha sa mga tao.

I barely noticed her at first, pero habang tumatagal ang oras, there was something about her calm and almost unassuming presence. There was a strange comfort in her silence, in the way she’d just observe without pushing herself into the conversation.

I was kind of similar. Hindi rin ako masyadong mahilig magpapansin. Habang nakaupo kami sa iisang lamesa, Bianca was seated across from me. Napansin ko ang mapusyaw niyang mukha, ang mga mata niyang parang laging nagmamasid pero hindi naghihintay ng anumang kapalit. She was shy, yes, pero there was a subtle warmth that came from her, a kind of ease that settled in the air.

Hindi ko maipaliwanag pero… parang naging komportable ako bigla sa kaniya kahit na wala pang ilang oras mula noong magkakilala kami.

Our first conversation was pretty simple, halos wala ngang patutunguhan.

“Do you like the food?” tanong ko as I caught her glancing at the plate in front of her. She nodded and gave me a small smile.

“Yes po, it’s good,” she replied softly and careful.

That was it. Walang halong komplikasyon. But for some reason, that brief exchange lingered. May kung anong hangin ang bumalot sa amin, something that made me feel… lighter.

Although hindi siya ganoong kumikibo, she didn’t make me feel awkward in any way. Usually, when you meet someone new, there’s always that pressure to fill the silence, to make an impression.

Pero kay Bianca… hindi ko naramdaman iyon.

We didn’t need to talk much, yet somehow, her presence was enough to make me feel at ease. Maybe it was the simplicity in her demeanor, or the way she’d quietly listen while others spoke. Parang everything just flowed naturally.

And that was the start; isang simpleng dinner, isang payak na pag-uusap, but it somehow stuck with me more than it should have. As the night went on, I found myself glancing at her from time to time, not in a way that felt wrong, pero more like on curious side. She had this quiet charm that wasn’t loud or attention-seeking, pero it was there, drawing me in little by little.

The odd thing was, hindi ko talaga maintindihan kung bakit. There was just something about Bianca. Something calming, something… different.

Different… and dangerous.

And even though I shouldn’t… I couldn’t help but feel a pull toward her, one that grew stronger the more we interacted.

Pagkatapos ng unang pagkikita namin ni Bianca, hindi ko akalaing susunod-sunod pa ang mga pagkakataon na magkakasama kami. It was as if the universe kept pulling us into the same spaces. Sa mga gatherings ng mga kaibigan namin, at minsan sa mga simpleng hangouts ng circle.

Hindi ko naman sinasadya, pero bawat pagkakataon na magkikita kami ay parang mas lalong gumagaan ang loob ko sa kanya.

Bianca was still the same quiet, reserved, pero may kakaibang appeal sa kaniyang pagiging mahiyain. Nagustuhan ko yung hindi niya pinipilit ang sarili na mapansin. She never tried to stand out, yet her presence always catches attention. Lagi siyang nasa gilid lang tahimik, pero hindi ko mapigilang… mapansin siya.

As weeks went by, our conversations became more frequent even though they were never long or deep. There was just a natural flow between us.

Isang beses, sa isa na namang cof gathering namin, Bianca sat beside me. I felt the familiar ease settle in, like I didn’t need to try so hard to keep up a conversation. She’d ask about simple things like kamusta ang exams, mahirap ba ang workload sa third year, and I’d answer casually, grateful for the calmness she always brought.

Sa kabila ng mga magkaibang taon namin sa school-ako na 3rd year, at siya namang 1st year palang, hindi namin naramdaman ang kahit anong agwat sa isa’t isa.

Minsan nga ay habang nag-uusap kami, napapansin kong hindi lang basta tanong ang ginagawa niya. She carefully listens. Her eyes would lock on mine with that soft, almost curious gaze, making me feel like whatever I said mattered. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nagdulot ng ganoong connection, pero it was undeniable. We didn’t have to share anything grand or profound, but every conversation left me feeling lighter.

And then there’s also this one night kungsaan tapos na ang galaan pero nagpapaiwan pa kaming dalawa minsan sa labas ng café. The air was cool, and we talked about random things. The shool, our shared friends, even the small things we noticed about life. Bianca would occasionally glance at the sky, and I found myself doing the same.

It felt peaceful, natural, like we had known each other longer than the few weeks we’d been acquainted.

Pero kahit anong lapit namin, I always tried to remind myself that… there’s Ethan. My boyfriend. My love… and I truly do love him.

Pero sa kabila ng lahat…

… hindi ko

maiwasang

isipin

si Bianca sa mga oras na wala siya.

Naging mas madalas ang pagkikita namin, at unti-unting dumaloy ang mga araw nang hindi ko namamalayan na lumalalim na pala ang koneksyon naming dalawa.

It wasn’t supposed to happen. Pero ang pagkakalapit namin ni Bianca felt inevitable, like something quietly building beneath the surface.

Until one night, nagkaroon ng birthday party ang isa naming mutual friend. It was supposed to be a casual night out, nothing special.

Sa isang bar ginanap ang party, and although invited din si Ethan, he wasn’t available that day.

’

Busy sa work

,’ dahilan niya, so I went on my own and decided not to think much of it. I just expected a typical night with friends, drinks, and music. But I didn’t expect that… Bianca would be there, too.

Pagdating ko sa bar, the lights were dim, the music loud, and people were already scattered in groups, laughing and drinking. I spotted Bianca almost immediately, standing near one of our friends, looking a little out of place. She wasn’t the type to frequent bars and it was obvious. There was this slight hesitation in the way she moved, like she wasn’t sure if she belonged in that kind of environment.

As soon as nakita niya ako, her face lit up with a shy smile, and before I knew it, she was walking toward me.

“Hey, Terrence,” she greeted softly, her voice barely audible over the loud music. Ngumiti lang ako sa kaniya, like always, because somehow, Bianca always had that effect on me-making me feel at ease. She stuck close to me for the rest of the night, probably dahil first time niya sa ganoong lugar.

At first, it felt natural. I didn’t mind her being beside me, as if it was just another gathering na magkasama kami. I even found myself being a little protective of her, making sure she was comfortable. But as the night wore on, something shifted. There was this… spark that I couldn’t quite put into words. I don’t know if it was the drinks, the dim lighting, or the way the music throbbed through the air, but I started to notice her in a way I hadn’t before.

The way her hair fell softly over her shoulders, the way she shyly glanced up at me whenever I caught her eye. Each small moment felt different. There was a warmth in her presence, something I wasn’t expecting to feel, and yet, it was there. An unspoken connection growing between us, like we were slowly gravitating toward each other without even realizing it.

“Okay ka lang?” I asked her when she stayed unusually close to me.

She nodded, smiling slightly. “First time ko kasi dito,” she admitted, looking around. “Medyo overwhelming.”

I chuckled, feeling the urge to put her at ease. “You’ll get used to it,” I said, my hand brushing against hers as I handed her a drink. Napatingin ako sa kaniya, and she looked back, her cheeks slightly flushed. Maybe from the alcohol… or maybe from something else.

As the night dragged on, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was shifting between us. I caught myself watching her, the way her lips curved into a soft smile, how her eyes sparkled under the dim lights. And in that moment, the world seemed to blur around us.

Bianca wasn’t just the shy girl I’d been hanging out with for the past few weeks. There was something more, something that drew me in even closer.

And it scared me.

Ethan suddenly flashed in my mind. A reminder, a tether to reality. But it was growing harder to hold onto. Bianca, with her quiet presence and the way she unknowingly stirred something in me, was becoming impossible to ignore.

I didn’t even notice how I slowly started to see Bianca differently. She was just… undeniably beautiful. Her skin, porcelain-like under the dim, colorful lights of the bar, radiated this quiet allure. Her shy demeanor was still there, but it only made her stand out more amidst the chaos around us. The bar was filled with loud music and drunken laughter, but all I could focus on was her.

There was a moment, almost fleeting, when I handed her another drink.

“Here,” I said casually, trying to keep things normal. As I passed it to her, her soft, delicate fingers brushed against mine, and suddenly… this surge of heat rushed through me.

I froze for a second.

Why am I feeling this way? I thought, trying to push it down, reminding myself that I’m with Ethan. Pero hindi ko maiwasan ang init na naramdaman ko sa simpleng haplos ni Bianca.

Something about her presence… was starting to get under my skin in a way I didn’t expect. Still, I tried to shake it off.

But as the night went on, Bianca began to loosen up. Probably dahil first time niya palang uminom. Her eyes grew hazy, her cheeks flushed, and there was a softness in the way she moved that drew me in even more. She was getting tipsy, and for the first time, I saw her let her guard down completely.

Out of nowhere, she reached for my arm, gently brushing her fingers over the muscle.

“Ang tigas at laki pala ng braso mo,” she said, giggling softly, her voice slurring just a little. The contact sent shivers through me, and before I knew it, she was already… massaging it.

I tried to laugh it off, to downplay whatever was happening.

“Sabi ko sayo, nag-gym ako minsan,” I replied, attempting to sound casual, but the truth was, her touch was starting to affect me more than it should.

Ethan.

Ethan.

Ethan.

Shit.

I reminded myself over and over, but it was getting harder to focus on that. Bianca’s touch kept on confusing me, and I could feel my body reacting in ways I didn’t want it to.

Then out of nowhere, the music shifted. The bar grew wilder as the beat dropped and the crowd around us exploded with energy. People were dancing, shouting, losing themselves to the night.

And before I could react, Bianca, completely caught up in the moment, climbed onto my lap, her body pressing against mine.

The entire bar erupted into cheers, our friends egging us on, laughing, unaware of the turmoil stirring inside me.

What the hell is happening?

My heart was racing fast. Bianca was swaying to the music, her body moving with a newfound freedom, and I couldn’t bring myself to stop her.

Part of me wanted to push her off, to tell her to stop. But another part, the one that was growing louder, wanted to let it happen. I couldn’t shake off the feeling building inside me, a mix of guilt and desire that was becoming harder to control.

I tried to stay composed, reminding myself of who I was, of who Ethan was to me. But Bianca, with her warmth and the way she effortlessly slipped into my space, was making it nearly impossible to think straight.

I was torn, caught between what I knew was right and the undeniable pull that Bianca seemed to have on me. And in that moment, under the dim lights and heavy beat of the music, I wasn’t sure which side was going to win.

Kasabay ng malakas na tugtog mula sa dance floor, unti-unting gumiling si Bianca sa kandungan ko. Ang init ng katawan niya, parang nagsasabay sa ritmo ng musika, at sa bawat galaw niya, ramdam ko ang bigat ng sitwasyon. Napalunok ako, pinipilit kong huwag pansinin ang init na nagsisimulang bumuo sa loob ko.

This isn’t right. I know it myself… Pero habang tumatagal, hindi ko na maiwasang mapansin kung paano sumasabay ang katawan ko sa bawat galaw niya.

Tinamaan ako… at hindi ko na kayang itanggi. Idagdag mo pa na mas lalong nagpalala ang sitwasyon nang marinig ko ang malalakas na hiyawan ng mga tropa namin. They were cheering us on, like this was some sort of performance they were rooting for. I could feel their eyes on us, laughing, encouraging what was happening even though they all knew I already have a relationship. They knew about Ethan, pero parang… wala silang pakialam.

One of our guy friends slapped me on the back, his voice slurred from the alcohol. “Tama lang ’yan, pre! Enjoy the night! Buti na lang at bumalik ka sa pag-paparty. Alam naming na-miss mo ’to!”

Nagtawanan ulit sila, lalo na nang isang tropa pa ang sumingit, nagbibiro, pero ramdam ko ang patama. “Tikhim ka muna ng sariwang babae, Terrence. Tama na yung sa bakla.”

For a second, I was taken aback at what he said. Dapat… ay magalit ako. Dapat ay tinawag ko sila doon at ipaalala kung sino si Ethan para sa akin.

But for some reason…

I couldn’t.

Hindi ko sila pinansin. Wala akong maramdamang galit sa oras na iyon. I let it slide, as if the words bounced off me and never found their target. Bakit

… hindi ako

nagagalit

? I asked myself, pero wala akong maisagot sa tanong na ’yon.

Nagpatuloy ang pag-aasar ng mga kaibigan ko, the cheers growing louder as Bianca’s movements became bolder. Tila nawawala na siya sa sarili niya, lost in the music, and I could feel myself slipping too. My heart raced faster, my breathing heavier.

Then, out of nowhere, a wave of clarity hit me-Ethan. Bigla na lamang bumalik sa isip ko ang boyfriend ko. The realization struck hard, like a cold splash of water.

Walang ano-ano’y napatayo ako bigla. Dahil doon ay mukhang nagulat naman si Bianca at maski rin ang mga kaibigan namin. I needed to get out. I needed to stop whatever this was before it went any further.

What the hell am I doing?

Mabilis akong nagpaalam sa tropa ko at pinilit na ngumiti kahit ramdam ko ang paninikip ng dibdib ko.

“Mauna na kami ni Bianca. Ihahatid ko na siya,” sabi ko, pilit na tinatago ang kalituhan at pagkalito sa sarili kong boses. Kinuha ko ang kamay ni Bianca at marahang hinila siya palabas ng bar, pero narinig ko pa rin ang asaran ng mga tropa namin, lalo na ang malisyosong biro na tila tumama ng diretso sa konsensya ko.

“Mahaba pa ang gabi, Terrence! Sigurado kang uuwi na kayo?” Isa pang hirit ang humabol, pero hindi ko na binigyan ng pansin. Pinilit ko na lang ipakita na kalmado ako, kahit na sa loob ko, parang may isang digmaang nagaganap; sa pagitan ng tama at mali, sa pagitan ng kung ano ang dapat kong gawin at kung ano ang gustong gawin ng katawan ko.

Pagkalabas namin ng bar, tahimik ang paligid, pero hindi maikakaila ang bigat ng tension sa pagitan namin ni Bianca.

Pinasakay ko siya sa motor ko, at nang yumakap siya sa likod ko, ramdam ko agad ang lambot ng mga kamay niya sa ibabaw ng tiyan ko. Para bang isang simpleng yakap iyon, pero sa bawat segundo, ramdam ko ang kakaibang init na kumakalat sa katawan ko. Hindi ko na mapigilan ang pagbibilis ng tibok ng puso ko. Ang bawat pintig nito ay parang umaalingawngaw sa tenga ko.

Sa bawat haplos ni Bianca, parang natutunaw ang bawat alaala ko kay Ethan. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit hindi ako makaalis sa sitwasyong ito. Alam ko ang dapat kong gawin. Alam kong mali ito.

Pero sa bawat segundo… sa bawat galaw ni Bianca… mas lumalalim ang pagkalunod ko sa init ng gabi.

Hinila ako pabalik ng katotohanan nang magsimula si Bianca na himasin ang tiyan ko. Mula sa simpleng yakap, unti-unti niyang idinidiin ang mga daliri niya sa katawan ko, na para bang sinasaliksik ang bawat kurba ng abs ko. Ramdam ko ang bawat paggalaw ng kamay niya-parang sinusunog ang balat ko sa bawat haplos. Pilit kong inalala si Ethan, ang boyfriend kong minahal ko ng higit sa lahat, pero parang nawawalan ako ng lakas para itulak palayo si Bianca.

Focus, Terrence. Ethan is waiting for you.

Pero sa likod ng boses na iyon sa isip ko, naroon ang bulong ni Bianca, mabigat at puno ng tukso. Naririnig ko ang mga mabubulaklak na salita niya sa tenga ko, ang malalambot na tunog ng boses niya na tila nagpapasabog ng init sa bawat sulok ng katawan ko. Hindi ko maipaliwanag kung bakit, pero para bang lahat ng pagod at takot ko ay natutunaw sa mga bulong niya, at mas lalo akong hinihila papalapit sa kaniya.

Napansin kong bumabagal ang pagpapatakbo ko ng motor. Parang naging instinct ng katawan ko na mas patagalin ang oras na nararamdaman ko ang mga kamay niya sa akin. Sa bawat segundong lumilipas, mas lalong umiinit ang katawan ko, at unti-unti, napapalitan ng tukso ang mga alinlangan ko. Ramdam ko ang mainit na ihip ng hangin, na para bang pinapalakas pa ang apoy na nagliliyab sa loob ko.

“Terrence, ang tigas ng katawan mo… Sobrang init mo,” bulong niya, halos pabulong na may halong pagtawa. Ramdam ko ang mainit niyang hininga na dumadampi sa tenga ko, at sa bawat salita niya, parang mas lalo akong napapaso. Pilit kong ipinilig ang ulo ko, umaasang hindi ko na maririnig ang susunod niyang sasabihin, pero parang ang bawat tunog mula sa kanya ay naglalagay sa akin ng hindi maipaliwanag na kiliti.

“Ano kayang pakiramdam… hawakan pa ’to,” bulong ni Bianca, sabay hagod ng mga daliri niya pababa sa gilid ng katawan ko. Nakaramdam ako ng kakaibang init na sumiklab mula sa loob, lalo na nang unti-unti niyang ibinaba ang mga daliri niya papunta sa gilid ng belt ko.

“Gusto ko talagang hawakan ’to nang mas matagal pa,” patuloy niyang binubulong sa akin, at para bang hindi ko na kayang itago ang pagkalito ko. Kasabay ng pagmamaneho, nararamdaman ko na ang pagkabanat ng mga muscles ko, hindi lang dahil sa hangin ng gabi, kundi dahil sa init na dulot ng malambot niyang kamay.

Ang bawat bulong ni Bianca, na dati ay parang inosente lang, ngayon ay puno ng malisya at tukso. “Gusto kong… hawakan ka buong gabi,” dagdag pa niya, at halos mawalan ako ng kontrol sa motor nang marinig ko iyon.

Sa bawat mura niyang bulong, mas lalo akong hinahatak pababa ng tukso. Alam kong mali ito, pero sa bawat sandaling dumaan, mas nararamdaman ko ang pagtindi ng init sa pagitan namin.

Dumagdag pa ang paghaplos niya sa tiyan ko, at hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko. Mas binagalan ko pa lalo ang takbo ng motor, para mas tumagal pa ang ginagawa niya. Ramdam ko ang malamlam na ilaw ng kalye sa paligid namin, pero mas ramdam ko ang init ng mga daliri ni Bianca na sumasayad sa balat ko.

“Terrence… I want to… feel you more,” halos pabulong na niyang sabi, at naramdaman ko ang mga daliri niya na unti-unting pumapasok sa loob ng shirt ko.

Pilit kong iniisip si Ethan. Pero sa mga sandaling iyon… para bang ang bawat haplos ni Bianca ay binubura ang bawat alaalang mayroon ako sa kaniya.

Bawat bulong ni Bianca ay isang hakbang patungo sa kapahamakan, pero sa bawat segundo, mas nawawalan ako ng lakas para pigilan siya.

I need to stop this. Pero masyadong mahina ang boses ng konsensya ko… at masyadong malakas ang tukso kay Bianca.

Pagdating namin sa condo niya, mabilis siyang bumaba ng motor at tumingala sa akin, medyo nahihilo pa.

“Terrence, pasok ka muna… saglit lang,” alok niya, habang tumitingin sa akin nang may bahagyang ngiti. Nakaramdam ako ng kakaibang init mula sa kaniya, pero pilit kong iniisip na dapat na akong umuwi kay Ethan.

“Gabi na, Bianca… I have to go,” sagot ko, pero nagtatalo ang isip ko habang nakatingin ako sa kaniya. May bahagi ng utak ko na sinasabing lumayo na ako, pero mas malakas ang tukso na manatili.

“Just a minute?” sabi niya, halos pabulong. Hindi ko alam kung dahil sa tama ng alak o kung ano, pero sa huli… sumang-ayon ako.

Tumango ako, pinatay ang motor, at sumunod sa kaniya papasok ng building.

Pagkapasok namin sa unit niya, agad akong sinalubong ng kakaibang amoy. It was overwhelming-parang isang halo ng matamis at mainit na aroma na tila kumakapit sa bawat sulok ng condo. Ramdam ko ang bigat ng amoy, at kasabay noon ay parang umiinit ang buong katawan ko.

Pinagmasdan ko ang paligid ng condo ni Bianca. Minimalist ang style, pero may mga personal touches na nagpapakita ng pagka-inosente at kalmadong personalidad niya. Pero sa mga oras na iyon, wala akong ibang maramdaman kundi ang init na dahan-dahang bumabalot sa akin.

I stood awkwardly in the middle of Bianca’s condo, every inch of my body tense. The air was thick with her scent, sweet and intoxicating, filling my lungs with every breath. My mind was racing, torn between the weight of my guilt and the heat building inside me.

Bianca stepped out of the bathroom, her hair damp and waving slightly at the ends. She smiled, shy and hesitant.

“Terrence… baka gusto mong magshower muna bago umuwi?” she offered softly.

My throat felt dry. I couldn’t even find my voice for a second.

“Uh… sure,” I finally managed, my voice barely above a whisper. I pulled off my jacket, my movements slow, hesitant.

What the hell am I doing?

! The thought echoed in my head, but I couldn’t stop myself. Ethan’s face just kept on flashing in my mind, but the more I stared at Bianca… the more he seemed to fade into the background.

Habang tinitingnan ko ito, she started unbuttoning her blouse. Time seemed to slow down. Napatingin ako habang isa-isang nalalaglag ang mga damit niya sa sahig. Her skin glowed in the dim light of her condo, and my breath caught in my throat. Damn.

The heat building inside me became undeniable, stronger than it had ever been.

I stepped forward, halos wala na sa sarili, at handa na sanang sumabay sa shower. But then, Bianca laughed softly.

“Oh, no, no!” She shook her head, her cheeks flushing slightly. “I meant… after I shower. You can go next.”

Napahiya ako bigla. “Oh… sorry, I thought…” I trailed off, feeling the heavy weight of embarrassment pressing down on me.

Ano bang iniisip ko?!

I turned quickly, desperate to get out of the room before I made an even bigger fool of myself.

But before I could take a step, Bianca’s hand gently grabbed my arm.

“Wait,” she whispered.

Tumigil ako sa paggalaw, parang bigla akong napatigil sa mundo. Her fingers tightened around my wrist, warm and soft.

I turned slowly, heart pounding as her hand slid down to meet mine. Pinagsalikop niya ang mga daliri namin… and it sent a jolt of electricity straight through my body. My eyes traveled from our hands, then back up to her face.

Nakapako ang tingin ni Bianca sa akin, and the heat in her eyes was impossible to ignore. And it pulled me in, like gravity.

Alam kong wala na akong takas

noong

mga oras na ’yon.

With a gentle tug, she led me back into the bathroom. The door clicked shut behind us, sealing off everything outside. Slowly, the space between us disappeared.

In that moment, I knew I was crossing a line I couldn’t uncross. I wanted to stop myself, to think of Ethan, but every rational thought was slipping away. Bianca’s touch… ang bawat haplos niya sa balat ko, the warmth in her eyes.

It was pulling me in, deeper and deeper.

Right there, inside that small space… nagsimula ang pagtataksil ko kay Ethan. Sa gitna ng mga mapang-akit na mata ni Bianca, at sa init ng aming mga kamay na magkasalikop.

Chapter 04 : Sinful Encounters

04 :

Sinful Encounters

Terrence’s POV

I wasn’t sure when it started feeling normal. Yung tipong araw-araw ko na siyang hinahanap.

Every break time, I’d scan the halls for her familiar frame, the soft fall of her hair, the shy smile she always threw my way when our eyes met. And somehow, like the way certain things fall into place without question, we just kept meeting.

“Bianca, iced coffee,” I handed her the drink one Thursday afternoon, acting like it was nothing, but my chest tightened every time she smiled.

“Thank you, Terrence. Ang bait mo talaga.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, her fingers brushing her cheek with that same shy gesture she always did. It kills me every time.

Hindi namin kailanman pinag-usapan yung nangyari sa condo niya. Walang tanong, walang explanation. Parang isang lihim na kusa naming tinanggap, tinikman, at… piniling itago.

But the silence between us wasn’t cold. It was warm, intimate, and somehow… thrilling.

Madalas ko na siyang hinahatid pauwi. Not because I had to, but because I wanted to. Mas pinipili ko pa minsan siyang ihatid kaysa umuwi agad kay Ethan.

Minsan naisip ko, ang unfair ko. I was building something beautiful with someone new, habang may isang taong naghihintay sa akin na walang kaalam-alam.

But every time Bianca wrapped her arms around my waist on the motor… every time she whispers me to be careful in that soft, careful voice… I’d forget the guilt kahit sandali lang.

---

One afternoon, during that class we shared, I sat beside her, our arms brushing occasionally.

“Sila na ba?” one of our classmates whispered too loud to be subtle.

“Bagay sila, ’no?” another voice chimed in.

I could feel the blood rushing to my ears. Bianca looked down, shy as always. But me? I didn’t know what possessed me.

Bigla kong inakbayan si Bianca.

“Huy! Kayo na ba talaga?” one of the girls teased, laughing.

“Hmm…” I smirked, then leaned over to kiss her on the cheek.

What the fuck am I doing? I wanted to ask myself. Bianca giggled, and just because of the sound of her laugh, it drowned out any voice of reason.

Hindi ko na maalala kung kailan huling nangiti ng gano’n si Ethan sa akin.

Pagkatapos ng klase, tumabi si Bianca sa akin habang naghihintay kami ng susunod naming subject.

“Grabe ka kanina…” she mumbled, her cheeks still pink.

“Sorry,” I whispered. “I don’t know what came over me.”

Pero sa totoo lang… alam ko naman. I liked it. I liked how it felt. I liked how it looked.

She didn’t reply. Instead, she laid her head gently on my shoulder.

And just like that, we weren’t just pretending anymore.

Tuwing magkakasama kami, I found myself reaching out for her hand. She’d squeeze mine in return, her fingers always cold and soft. It was addicting. Parang droga na ayaw ko nang bitawan.

May isa pa ngang pagkakataon habang naghihintay kami sa labas ng campus gate at hinihintay na tumila ang ulan, I took off my hoodie and gently placed it over Bianca’s shoulders when she shivevered.

She looked up at me. “Bakit parang ikaw na ’yung boyfriend ko?”

Ngumiti lang ako.

“…Ewan.”

Natawa siya, pero may lungkot sa dulo ng titig niya. Hindi ko alam kung iniisip niya si Ethan o baka naman iniisip niya kung kailan kami masusumpungan.

Habang pinagmamasdan ko ang ulan na patuloy na bumubuhos, I wondered how the hell I got here.

Hindi ko na maalala kung kailan nagsimula ang lahat. Kasi habang pinagmamasdan ko si Bianca, habang pinapakinggan ko siyang magkwento ng mga simple niyang pangarap, I just realized: I was slowly giving pieces of myself to her.

Pieces… I no longer had the courage to offer Ethan.

One night, habang nakaupo kami sa loob ng isang parked kotse ni Bianca, pinilit kong kausapin siya tungkol sa nangyayari.

“Do you think… we’re going too far?” tanong ko habang hindi siya tinitingnan.

Tahimik. Subalit makalipas ang ilang segundo ay sumagot siya.

“I think we already did,” she whispered.

And she leaned in.

Naghalo ang hininga namin sa gitna ng katahimikan. Wala nang usapan. Wala nang pangako. Just lips brushing like a silent confession.

No friends to cheer. No audience to entertain. Just two people… sinning in silence.

And for the first time in a long while…

… I felt alive.

---

Days have passed.

The night air was warm, the resort’s lights soft against the dark sky. I hosted my 21st birthday celebration in this private, modern hideaway, inviting all my friends, and, of course, Bianca.

Tahimik ang resort compared to the noise inside, pero ramdam ko ang kaba habang pinapasok ko si Ethan sa kwarto. He was drunk, exhausted, so I tucked him in and kissed his temple.

“Sweet dreams,” I whispered.

Pagbalik ko sa living room, ang ingay ay buhay na buhay. Kami na lang ni Bianca at ang core group ng barkada namin. We sat in a circle on the floor, bottles of alcohol and a deck of challenge cards scattered at the center.

“Around two rounds of Truth or Dare na kami,” bati ng isa naming tol. Ambient laughter rang out as we passed the bottle again, the music thrumming in our ears.

Then, the bottle spun and landed on Bianca.

“Dare!” one of our friends called out.

“Drink, Bianca…and feed it to Terrence… with your mouth!” he challenged. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa narinig. At kasabay noon ay ang mabilis na rally ng barkada.

“Let’s do it, bro!”

“Damn wild night!” umalingawngaw ang mga hiyawan sa paligid.

I could feel my face heating, probably flushed already from drinking. My polo lay unbuttoned at the collar, and I could sense Bianca beside me, half-sitting, half-leaning, wearing a light-blue crop top and black shorts that contrasted beautifully with her fair skin.

“Come on, girl. It’s just a game!” my friend cheered again.

Bianca’s cheeks turned faint pink. She giggled and shook her head.

“Ayoko nga!” she protested, but the crowd booed.

She met my eyes.

Without hesitation, I leaned in and whispered, “It’s fine. Just a dare.”

I thought those words would ease her-but they didn’t. I noticed Bianca going pale, the color draining from her cheeks. She looked away and quickly grabbed a beer bottle. In one swift motion, she tilted it and chugged it down, no hesitation.

The crowd erupted again.

“That’s it, sis!”

“Chug! Chug! Chug!”

But at the last second before swallowing, Bianca paused-holding the alcohol in her mouth. She glanced at me with uncertain eyes, and I stared back, trying to steady myself.

Slowly, she crawled toward me, the cheers rising louder as she knelt on the floor right beside me. Our bodies aligned. We were Indian sitting, chest to chest. I could feel her breath, the soft press of her thigh against mine.

Around us, laughter and cheers blurred. The moment stretched.

She lifted the bottle to her lips again. But this time, turned it to mine. Our lips touched there, briefly, holding the bottle between us.

Then… it happened. W

e kissed .

The castle of my control collapsed. The kiss deepened, unplanned, fiery. The alcohol passed between our mouths as if the liquid demanded connection, ignition. I felt her place her hand on my collarbone; her other hand caught the bottle to steady it.

We lingered longer than we should. Five minutes gone in a world of our own.

When our lips finally parted, the room exploded in raucous cheers and teasing whistles.

Our friends joked and teased mercilessly.

“Birthday lovebirds!” someone jeered.

I glanced at Bianca. My teeth were staining red from the drink mix, eyes sparkling with adrenaline and something new. I felt dizzy on more than just alcohol.

Ang mga kaibigan namin, nagpalakpakan pa habang pinapanood kami. We sat back in silence, hearts pounding to the memory of that kiss.

“Bro, you just made your birthday unforgettable,” one of my bros laughed, slapping my shoulder.

Pumihit naman ako kay Bianca at bumulong. “Are you okay?”

Tumango siya, shy and bright-eyed.

“Y-yeah…” she breathed.

He didn’t lie. It was unforgettable. And yet as we sat in that circle, everyone gone asleep or gone home, I felt the full weight of guilt. Ethan was upstairs, alone and asleep, trusting.

I leaned closer to Bianca.

“Let’s… keep playing?”

She bit her lip and nodded.

The night continued, but everything changed. I could see it in her eyes: we crossed a line. And there was no going back.

The game was over. The drinks were gone. The rest of my friends left, and suddenly, silence took over the resort except for the calm splashes of water against my bare skin.

Ang tunog ng tubig sa pool ay tila mas naging kalmado pagkatapos ng maingay na laro. Tahimik na ang paligid maliban sa munting halakhak ni Bianca habang pinagmamasdan niya ako mula sa gilid ng pool.

I peeled off my unbuttoned polo, my skin now warm under the night breeze, and dipped into the cool water.

“Shit, ang lamig,” I muttered, pero kakaibang gaan ang naramdaman ko habang tinatabunan ng tubig ang katawan ko. I tilted my head back, letting the water slick my hair. Pag-angat ko, I caught sight of Bianca slowly pulling off her outer clothes.

She stood just at the edge, wearing nothing now but that nude-colored two-piece that seemed to melt into her skin.

Parang tumigil ang oras. And she caught me staring.

She didn’t flinch though. Bianca only smiled softly before she stepped down into the pool, her legs slicing the water in slow motion.

Napakagat ako sa labi.

Her skin glowed under the pool lights, her long hair cascading gently down her back, and her eyes locked with mine. Muli akong napakagat sa labi nang hindi sinasadya.

“Bianca…” I whispered her name in my head.

Tahimik siyang bumaba ng hagdan, bawat hakbang ay tila sinasadyang patagalin ang pagitan naming dalawa. The water kissed her skin inch by inch, until she stood in front of me, the faint ripples around her blending into mine.

Her eyes held mine. Neither of us looked away.

“Ang ganda mo,” I said without thinking. My voice low and hoarse.

Napangiti siya, but her gaze never left mine. She reached out, her soft fingers finding my arm, slowly tracing the wet outline of my biceps, up to my shoulders, and finally to my jaw.

“Ang… hot mo,” she said in a breathy voice.

Napalunok ako. Her fingers burned against my skin despite the cold water. My chest tightened. Hindi ko alam kung ano bang nararamdaman ko. Guilt ba? O natatangay lang ako sa init ng gabi?

“Pwede ba kitang yakapin?” she asked, her voice softer this time. Parang may hiya, pero may halong pagnanasa.

I nodded.

I opened my arms and she stepped into them. Her body pressed against mine, still dripping, still wet from the water. Her arms slowly wrapped around my neck, while mine instinctively pulled her by the waist. Dahan-dahan. Walang pagmamadali.

Dumikit ang mga katawan namin.

I could feel her heart beating. Or maybe that was mine.

Ni hindi na ako huminga ng malalim. Just stayed still. Hinayaan kong damhin ang katawan niya habang nakayakap siya sa akin. I closed my eyes for a moment. I told myself this was just a hug. Nothing more.

We didn’t speak. The water around us swayed as if dancing to the silence. Her skin was soft, her faint, sweet, mixed with chlorine scent, drifting into my nose.

Kahit sa ilalim ng tubig, ramdam ko ang bawat hinga niya. Her legs brushed against mine, her hands clutching the back of my neck, and her still damp skin pressed tightly to mine.

Lumakas ang tibok ng puso ko. Parang gusto kong tumakbo. Pero ayaw kong kumawala.

And then, she did something that caught me off guard.

She lifted herself up and slid onto my lap, underwater. Her legs wrapped around my waist, locking herself to me like we were meant to fit this way.

My breath hitched.

“Bianca…” I said her name again, this time more like a warning. Or maybe a plea.

“Shhh,” she whispered. “Just hold me.”

I did.

I held her tight.

Mas hinigpitan ko pa ang yakap sa kanya. Her arms gripped my shoulders, her legs tightened around my waist. Her bare stomach pressed against mine, her lips just inches from my own.

She looked at me with no judgment. No fear. Just this raw, forbidden desire.

“Tinitigasan ka na ba?” bulong niya.

I closed my eyes, trying to fight the warmth flooding through me.

“Don’t ask me that,” I murmured.

“Ramdam ko,” sabi niya, giggling. “Hindi ka ba nahihiya kay Ethan?” she teased.

Guilt suddenly flickered in my chest… but only for a second.

Because the moment she whispered my name next, all I wanted was to melt into her arms.

“I’m not thinking of him right now,” I confessed.

“Good,” sagot niya.

“Kasi ako lang dapat ngayon.”

And then she leaned forward.

Naglalapit ang mga labi namin, unti-unting nabubuo ang init na kanina pa pinipigil. I stared into her eyes-those warm, knowing eyes that didn’t ask for permission anymore.

And slowly, we kissed.

Soft at first. Testing. Searching.

But then it deepened.

Nagpalitan kami ng hininga. Her lips tasted like the alcohol from earlier, warm and dizzying. She pulled back slightly, catching her breath, then kissed me again. Mas mariin. Mas totoo.

Sa ilalim ng tubig, hindi ko maramdaman ang bigat ng katawan niya-pero ramdam ko ang bigat ng emosyon ko.

Gusto ko siyang bitawan-pero ayaw ko ring mawala ang sandaling ’to.

She ran her hands through my wet hair, then down to my back. Napahawak ako sa balikat niya, then trailed my fingers down to her spine, feeling every inch of her trembling body against mine.

“Terrence…” bulong niya, malalim, parang humihingi ng pahintulot.

“I’m here,” I whispered back, forehead resting against hers.

She began kissing down my jawline, then back to my lips. I tightened my grip around her, not to hold her down, but to hold myself together.

Ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko.

We stayed like that-soaked in desire, lost in each other’s warmth.

Wala nang ibang tao.

Wala nang ibang naririnig kundi ang paghinga naming dalawa at ang marahang tunog ng tubig na gumagalaw sa bawat haplos namin.

“Bakit ang sarap mo halikan?” tanong niya, habang nakangiti at tuluyan nang idinikit ang noo niya sa noo ko.

“Bakit parang gusto kitang ’di bitawan?” sagot ko.

She giggled, breathless. And I kissed her again.

This time, longer. Slower.

We forgot everything. We forgot the world. We forgot Ethan.

Right now, all I could think of was her.

Her touch.

Her breath.

Her lips whispering my name like a secret prayer.

---

We didn’t say anything for a while.

Matapos ang matagal naming halikan sa ilalim ng tubig, magkayakap pa rin kami ni Bianca. Her arms were still wrapped around my neck, her thighs gently holding onto my waist, and for a few minutes, we just stayed there-soaked, silent, and sinful.

But reality eventually floated back to the surface.

Unti-unting bumalik ang ingay sa tenga ko-hindi mula sa paligid, kundi mula sa loob ng sarili kong isipan. My heart was pounding in guilt, but I couldn’t pull away yet. Hindi pa ako handang bitiwan ’to.

Hindi pa ako handang kumalas.

“I think we should get out,” Bianca whispered, resting her cheek against mine.

I nodded wordlessly.

Binitiwan niya ako. I gently let her down, and she slowly stepped out of the water first, her skin shimmering under the moonlight. Tumalikod siya habang inaalis ang tubig sa buhok niya gamit ang tuwalya na nandoon sa gilid.

I followed after her. My body felt heavier as I climbed out of the pool, the cold air brushing against my damp skin. I grabbed my towel and dried my face first, but it didn’t help-hindi tubig ang gusto kong punasan sa sarili ko kundi ang bigat sa loob ko.

“May dala akong extra na shirt sa bag ko,” sabi niya, habang inaayos ang tuwalya sa katawan niya. “Gusto mo?”

I shook my head. “Okay lang. Mainit pa rin ang katawan ko.”

She looked at me with that same soft smile. The one that disarmed me.

Basang-basa pa kami ni Bianca habang tinatahak ang daan pabalik sa loob ng resort house. Her wet hair clung to her back, and my skin still shimmered under the moonlight. There was something surreal in the silence that surrounded us-parang bawat hakbang ay sinasabayan ng tibok ng puso ko.

We walked past the sliding door and into the quiet living area. The music had long faded, and all that was left was the gentle hum of the night. I grabbed a towel and ran it across my hair habang nakatingin sa kanya. She was still in her nude-colored two-piece, water dripping from her shoulders, and a soft smile dancing on her lips.

“You’re cold,” I murmured, handing her a towel.

“Thanks,” she whispered, voice barely audible. “Pero ikaw ang mas mukhang giniginaw.”

I chuckled. “Nah… Init nga eh.”

Bianca laughed softly, rubbing her arms. “Lakas mo magpainit, no?”

Nagkatitigan kami. There it was again-the silence. The weight. The air between us was too charged, too heavy with something unspoken.

She stepped closer. I didn’t move.

“Terrence…” she whispered, tugging on the hem of the towel that now hung around my neck. “Can I…?”

Before she finished the sentence, I cupped her waist and gently pulled her closer. “You don’t have to ask,” I said, voice deep, low. “Kung gusto mo… say it.”

She looked up at me with those soft, glimmering eyes.

“Gusto ko…”

And just like that, her arms found their way around my neck, and our lips met again in the dimly lit living room. But this time, it wasn’t part of a dare. It wasn’t surrounded by the cheers of our friends or the noise of a game.

It was quiet.

It was real.

Mainit ang palitan namin ng halik. Dahan-dahan. Maingat. But I felt her trembling, not from fear-but from the weight of the moment. My hand traced the curve of her back as we sank into the couch, the fabric cool against our damp skin.

“Ang lambot mo, Bianca…” I breathed against her ear. “Nakakabaliw ka.”

Napakagat siya ng labi.

“T-Terrence…” she said in a soft moan. “You’re driving me crazy. The way you talk… the way you touch me…”

I leaned closer, brushing my lips against the edge of her jaw.

“Say it again,” I whispered. “Gusto mong marinig ko, ’di ba?”

She whimpered in response, clinging tighter. I could feel her heart pounding against my chest.

“I love the way you say my name,” she whispered. “Parang sa’yo lang ako.”

“Wala ka ngang ka-share ngayon,” I smirked. “Sa akin ka lang ngayong gabi.”

Muling dumilim ang paligid nang halos wala na kaming pakialam sa paligid. Sa bawat haplos, sa bawat ungol, ramdam ko ang init ng kanyang katawan. Pero higit sa init, mas ramdam ko ang bigat ng sarili kong konsensya-na sa bawat halik ko sa kanya, lalo akong nalalayo kay Ethan.

But I couldn’t stop.

I didn’t want to.

After a while, she pulled away slowly, her lips slightly swollen, her breathing shallow.

“Let’s go upstairs,” she said.

Tumango lang ako, walang salita. Our hands locked, and together we climbed the stairs-dahan-dahan, as if any faster would shatter the fragile moment.

We walked past the room where Ethan slept.

I glanced at the door.

Napakagat ako sa labi.

Pero hindi kami tumigil.

Hindi kami lumiko.

Bianca opened the door to the guest room-a room untouched, quiet, and dimly lit by a single night lamp. She stepped inside, looking back at me with a small smile.

And I followed.

The door closed behind us with a soft click.

At sa gabing iyon, tuluyan kong tinalikuran ang dapat kong panindigan.

Chapter 05 : Fractured Hearts

05 : Fractured Hearts

Ethan’s POV

The sun barely peaked over the horizon when I woke up. My eyes were sore from the tears I cried last night. My heart felt heavy and every breath was a reminder of the betrayal I witnessed.

Parang kahapon lang ay magkasama pa kami ni Terrence, but now…

Everything just felt different.

Tulala akong tumingin sa kisame. Hindi ko alam kung paano sisimulan ang araw ngayon. My mind kept replaying the scene of Terrence and Bianca kissing that night. At sa bawat ulit ng senaryong iyon sa isip ko ay para akong tinutusok ng milyong karayom sa puso. Bakit gano’n? I trusted him with all my heart. Wala akong matandaang ginawa na masama para gawin niya ang bagay na iyon sa akin.

Pagod akong tumayo sa kama at humingang malalim. Kailangan kong magpatuloy… kahit ang sakit-sakit na.

Terrence was still asleep when I left the house. Hindi ko siya magawang harapin, not after what I saw. My feet just led me to nowhere until I reached a nearby park. A place where I usually found solace whenever I feel in trouble. Habang naglalakad, I tried to make sense of my feelings. I wanted to believe that there was an explanation, but my heart knew better. The trust we had was shattered.

I found a bench and sat down with my hands trembling.

“Terrence…” I whispered to the wind, hoping somehow it would carry my pain away. Pero wala namang nagbago. The ache in my chest remained as a constant reminder of the love that once was.

“Ethan?” a familiar voice called out. I looked up to see a familar face, and it was Mika, a close friend of mine. Noong una ay kakaway lang sana siya ngunit dagli ring natigilan nang makita ang estado ko. Naguguluhang lumapit siya kalaunan at kunot-noong umupo sa tabi ko.

“Are you okay? You look… devastated.”

“Hindi… h-hindi ko na alam…” my voice was somehow fading away.

“M-Mika…”

The moment I called her name immediately shifted her expression in a serious manner.

“Sabihin mo, Ethan.”

Nanghihinang kumapit ako sa isang kamay niya na agad naman niyang hinawakan din upang suportahan ako sa anumang sasabihin ko. I took a moment of silence first before finally telling her the whole story of Terrence and… the girl.

Kinwento ko kay Mika ang lahat ng nalaman ko. I don’t even know if I was telling the story in order. Basta’t hinayaan ko na lamang magsalita ang bibig ko at ilabas ang lahat ng saloobing naiipon sa dibdib.

At that point, I don’t know if I was even functioning normal. I was so broken, not just physically, but also mentally and emotionally broken. I have never seen myself to be this tired and burned up that I almost don’t remember anything I’m saying but only that one moment that happened last night.

Walang sinabing kahit ano si Mika. She stayed quiet and carefully listened to the story I was saying up until the end… no.

It wasn’t just a story anymore, but rather the reality that I must face now.

When I was done talking, she hugged me tightly, and helped me wiped my tears that’s not stopping from releasing.

“You don’t have to go through this alone, Ethan. Nandito ako para sa ’yo. We can figure this out together.”

Her words were a balm to my wounded heart. For the first time since last night, I somehow felt a glimmer of hope. Maybe… I wasn’t as alone as I thought.

Mike and I talked about it more before finally going back… home. Terrence was already up when I went up, and preparing breakfast as if nothing had happened. I stopped for a second and watched him from the doorway.

How could he… act like nothing has ever happened?

“Saan ka galing? Come eat breakfast,” he said in a gentle way when he finally noticed my presence. As if he had erased the memory of last night’s betrayal from his mind.

Pinilit kong ngumiti at lumunok nang mapansing bumibigat ang lalamunan ko.

“Sure.”

As we sat down to eat, I still couldn’t bring myself to look at him. The food tasted like ash in my mouth, each bite a painful reminder of the kiss I had witnessed.

Days turned into weeks, and the pattern continued. Terrence would go out with Bianca, always with some excuse that seemed plausible on the surface. He would leave me at home, waiting, hoping, and dreading his return. Each time he walked out the door, my heart broke a little more.

Kahit na iba-iba pang rason ang sabihin niya… alam kong iisa lang naman ang pupuntahan niya.

I slowly became a shadow of my former self, my laughter fading, my joy disappearing. The constant suspicion gnawed at my sanity, turning me into someone I hardly recognized. I tried to confront Terrence a few times, but he always had a ready explanation, as if he already prepared his convincing words for every moment.

Ngunit sa kabila ng lahat, ay laging may hangganan.

Because for the nth time, I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to know the truth to finally confront the source of my misery. So I followed him again just like before. I stayed hidden in the shadows as I watched them meet at the same café.

Nagkasama na naman sila.

Napakuyom ang kamao ko habang pinapanood silang mag-usap na may halong biruan pa habang kumakain. This doesn’t even convince my head they’re doing doing some college projects. It looks more like a date.

Lecheng project ’yan.

This time, I gathered the courage to approach them. As I walked towards their table, Bianca’s laughter died down, and she looked at me with a mix of surprise and shock.

Napatingin naman si Terrence sa akin at nanlaki ang mata ngunit mabilis lamang. His expression immediately turned from stunned to irritation.

“Ethan? What are you doing here?” He asked confusingly. Ni hindi manlang natinag sa kung anong ginagawa nila ngayon. Mas lalong nag-init ang mga mata ko. How could he stay so calm?

“Kailangan nating mag usapz, Terrence,” seryoso kong ani. Umiling siya.

“Ethan, not now,” he dismissed. Tila ba alam na nito kung saan papatungo ang usapan.

Edi mas maganda. Nang magkaintindihan kaming dalawa.

Bianca looked between us.

“Terrence, let’s go. May kailangan pa tayong tapusin,” she said, standing up and grabbing his arm.

Although Terrence seemed annoyed at my presence first, he still hesitated while glancing between us.

And for another stupid moment, I thought he might stay. That he might choose me over her. But then he pulled away from my grasp, following Bianca out the door without a word.

I stood there, feeling my world crumble around me. The café’s warm ambiance felt cold and uninviting. I was left alone, surrounded by strangers who didn’t understand the pain tearing me apart.

Maya-maya ay tumunog ang cellphone ko at nakita ang message ni Terrence.

Terrence:

I’m sorry for my sudden attitude. Pagod lang talaga. I promise we’ll finish this quickly.

The pattern continued as days passed again. Terrence kept slipping away and continues to spend more time with Bianca. And each time he left, was another addition of the sharp needle I’m feeling getting stabbed in my heart. The once happy and carefree days were replaced with endless nights of loneliness and despair.

Gabing-gabi na nang makauwi si Terrence. Nakaupo ako sa sofa, naghihintay sa kanya, habang unti-unting lumalaki ang bigat sa dibdib ko. Hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang beses na akong naghintay ng ganito, na parang nawawala na siya sa buhay namin.

Finally, the door creaked open and Terrence walked in, looking tired and worn. He froze when he saw me sitting there, my eyes red and swollen from crying.

“Ethan, bakit gising ka pa?” tanong ni Terrence habang nag-aalis ng sapatos. Tumingin ako sa orasan sa pader at binasa ang oras. 1:30 AM.

“Kailangan nating mag-usap, Terrence. Hindi na pwedeng ganito na lang palagi,” sabi ko habang pinipilit panatilihin ang kalmadong boses ko.

Bumuntong hininga si Terrence at umupo sa tabi ko. “Ethan, I’m tired. Can we do this tomorrow?”

“Palagi mo na lang sinasabi ’yan pero kailanman, hindi natin napag-uusapan.”

“So what do you want to talk about, huh? Go ahead, say it,” he said, clearly irritated. I was stunned for a bit. Naiintindihan ko namang naiinis ito dahil kakauwi palang niya pero ito agad ang maaabutan niya sa akin. He really looked stress right now.

…pero paano naman ako? Paano naman akong ilang linggo nang ganito? Nababaliw araw-araw kakahintay sa kaniya kung uuwi pa ba o hindi na? Hindi ba’t deserve ko manlang makahingi ng eksplenasyon sa kaniya?

“Bakit lagi ka nalang late? Bakit lagi kang nasa labas?” I asked, looking straight at him.

“Busy lang talaga ako sa school at sa mga projects. Hindi mo ba naiintindihan ’yon?” sagot niya, replying like he was trying to stay calm.

“Intindihin? How can I understand when you’re hardly ever home? Don’t you even notice that we’re not… spending time together anymore?” I replied, feeling the anger more intensely.

“Nag-aaral ako para sa future natin, Ethan. Bakit hindi mo magawang magtiwala na ginagawa ko ’to para sa atin?” suddenly he said with a raised voice.

“Para sa atin? Pero bakit pakiramdam ko, lagi mo na lang akong iniiwan? Wala… w-wala ka manlang oras para sa akin,” sabi ko, pilit pinipigilan ang luhang gustong pumatak.

“Ethan, you’re overreacting. Nagkakasama naman tayo tuwing libre ako,” sagot ni Terrence na wari mo’y nawawalan na ng pasensya.

“Libre? Kailan ba ’yon? Yung mga oras na nandito ka, pero para bang wala ka naman talaga,” sabi ko, nararamdaman ang bigat ng bawat salita.

“Ethan, I am doing my best. What more do you want me to do?” he asked, his irritation was now plastered in his face. Napasinghap ako sa kaniya.

“Gusto ko lang naman… g-gusto ko lang na iparamdam mo sa akin na mahalaga ako sa’yo. Na ako pa rin ang priority mo. Is asking for that too much?” sagot ko, halos hindi na makontrol ang boses ko. Sandaling natahimik ang buong paligid.

I wanted to look at him. I badly wanted to look at his eyes and say it directly to him but I can’t. Pakiramdam ko, anumang minuto ay papatak na ang mga luha sa mata ko.

Dati naman, napakadaling magsalita sa kaniya. Why is it so hard now to tell him my feelings and he’s not even trying? Kumikirot ang puso ko. Nasasaktan ako ng sobra sa kaniya.

Talaga bang… napalitan na ako sa puso niya?

“Ethan, hindi mo ba naiintindihan na mahalaga ka sa akin? Bakit kailangan mo pang pagdudahan ’yan?” Terrence looked at me confusingly.

“Bakit? Bakit kailangan kong pagdudahan? Kasi hindi mo ipinapakita! Kasi lagi ka na lang wala! Kasi—” napatigil ako, nagdadalawang-isip kung sasabihin ko ang nararamdaman ko.

“Kasi ano? Sige, sabihin mo,” aniya sa nanghahamong tono.

Sabihin ko?

Okay. Fine. I’ll say it.

So I mustered all the courage I had.

“Kasi lagi mong kasama si… B-Bianca,” I barely heard my own voice while saying it.

I saw the sudden anger in Terrence’s eyes. “Don’t bring Bianca into this. She has nothing to do with this.”

“Wala? Wala siyang kinalaman? I see how you look at each other, how you touch each other. Ano bang akala mo, hindi ko napapansin? Hindi ako bobo, Terrence.” I laughed bitterly.

“Ethan, you’re being paranoid. We’re just friends,” nagagalit nang giit niya. Bahagya naman akong nasaktan sa sinabi niya.

“Paranoid? Paranoid na ba ako sayo?”

“Because you’re acting like one!”

“So ang makita kong maghalikan kayo… paranoid ko nalang ba ’yon…?” Tuluyan nang tumulo ang mga luha sa mata ko.

Mukhang nabigla naman si Terrence sa narinig at nanigas sa kaniyang kinatatayuan.

“…Ethan.”

“Lagi na lang ba ganito? Maghihintay na lang ba ako, umaasang babalik ka sa akin?” tanong ko, puno ng pagod at sakit.

Terrence was silent, clearly speechless. He didn’t know what to say or do at this moment.

“I-I… don’t know what to say…” he replied, seeming to lose his strength.

“Hindi mo alam kasi hindi ka nagtanong. Hindi mo alam kasi iniwan mo ako. Ako ’tong nasasaktan dito, Terrence. Ako,” tumulo na ang luha ko habang nagsasalita.

“Siguro nga, wala na talaga tayong dapat pag-usapan pa,” I said, standing up and leaving him alone in the living room.

I walked away without looking back, carrying the weight of words that could never be taken back. That night, I felt a part of me had completely vanished.

---

The rest of the day passed in a blur. I avoided Terrence, not ready to confront him yet. Gusto kong mag-isip-isip muna. I spent the day with Mika, who did her best to distract me from the pain. Pero kahit anong gawin namin, bumabalik at bumabalik pa rin ang mga alaala noong gabi na iyon.

Later that evening, I found myself back at the house. Terrence was sitting on the couch, his eyes filled with a mixture of guilt and sorrow. “Ethan,” he started, his voice trembling. “We need to talk.”

Gusto kong tawanan ito ngayon sa sinabi nito dahil nabaliktad yata ang estado namin ngayon.

We need to talk? Hindi ba’t ang

sinagot

mo sa ’kin sa tanong na ’yan ay pwede bang bukas nalang?

I took a deep breath, steeling myself for the conversation. “Yes, we do.”

We sat down, the silence between us heavy and suffocating. It took him a couple of minutes before finally getting the courage to speak up.

“I’m so sorry, Ethan,” he said, tears glistening in his eyes. “I don’t know what came over me. It was a mistake… a terrible mistake–”

“Terrence,” I interrupted, my voice cold. “What you did… it broke my heart. I trusted you. How could you do this to us?”

He looked down, shame written all over his face. “I… I don’t know. Bianca… she was just there, and I was weak. I’m so sorry. Please, give me another chance.”

I shook my head, tears streaming down my face. “Bakit… bakit parang ang dali lang nito sayong lahat?” Napipiyok kong saad sa kaniya. Napalingon naman siya sa akin at marahang umiling.

“You think your sorry will heal the scar you gave in my mind? Ano, gano’n nalang? Papatawarin kita, tapos ayos na agad lahat?”

Terrence reached out to hold my hand, but I pulled away. “Please, Ethan. I love you. I’ll do anything to make this right.”

“I need time,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. “Time to think, to heal. I can’t just forgive and forget.”

He nodded, understanding the gravity of his actions. “Take all the time you need, Ethan. I’ll wait for you.”

With that, I stood up and walked away, feeling a mixture of relief and sorrow. This was the beginning of a long journey, one that would test the strength of our love and the resilience of my heart.

---

Days have passed, and I really tried to move on. Mika was a constant presence, helping me find the turbulent emotions I was experiencing.

“It was for the best, Ethan. You deserve better,” she often reminded me. “Don’t let anyone make you feel less than you are.”

I took her words to heart, focusing on myself and my own healing. Hindi madali, but each day brought a small victory. I started doing things that made me happy, rediscovering passions I had neglected. Slowly, I began to rebuild the pieces of my shattered heart.

One evening, as I was walking home from the park, I received a message from Terrence.

Terrence:

Can we talk? It’s important.

Nanatili akong nakatitig sa screen ng cellphone ko. Alam ko nang hindi ko ito maiiwasan nang matagal. So, I agreed to meet him at our usual spot, a small café where we used to spend our happy moments together.

Terrence was already there when I arrived, his face etched with worry.

“Thank you for coming,” he said, his voice strained.

I nodded, taking a seat across from him. “What did you want to talk about?”

He took a deep breath, his hands trembling. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, Ethan. And… I don’t think we can fix this.”

His words hit me like a punch to the gut. “A-ano…?”

What is he saying? Tatlong araw palang ang nakakalipas ah?

“I’m saying that maybe it’s better if we end this,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I can’t keep hurting you. And I…

“I think I’ve developed feelings for Bianca.”

My heart shattered all over again.

“So… you’re choosing her over me?”

He looked away, unable to meet my gaze. “I’m sorry, Ethan. I never wanted to hurt you, but… I can’t deny what I feel.”

Tears welled up in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. Tangina.

Putangina.

Ano ’yon, gano’n-gano’n nalang?

Ang ilang taong pagsasama namin… mawawala na parang isang bula lang? Hindi mo manlang susubukang ipaglaban?

Tangina talaga. Tangina niya!

I stared at him for the longest time as my tears finally let go on its own. He stared back at me but with only sadness plastered in his eyes.

I want to say a lot of things to him. Ang daming kong gustong sabihin at tanungin sa kanya. It was too much that I felt like saying it in simple words isn’t enough to tell it straight to him.

So in the end… it’s just me again.

“… Jerk.” I smiled bitterly while crying.

He slowly nodded… and tears started streaming down his face.

“I know. And I’m sorry for everything.”

I stood up and started to walk away even though my heart was aching with every step. “Goodbye, Terrence.”

As I walked away, I felt a mixture of pain and relief. This was the end of our story, but I knew it was the beginning of my journey to healing. Because I deserved someone who would cherish me, and wouldn’t betray my trust.

But can I still learn to trust anyone?

Chapter 06 : Unsent Letters

06 : Unsent Letters

Ethan’s POV

Matapos ang aming unang paghihiwalay at ang emosyonal na kalbaryong sumunod, naghiwalay na kami ng landas ni Terrence. For months, I tried to forget, to move on from the pain. Pero kahit anong gawin ko, lagi siyang nasa isipan ko. Each day felt like a battle, and slowly, I learned to live without him.

Tinanggal ko lahat ng bagay na nagpapaalala sa sa kanya. I deleted our pictures from my phone, removed his contact, and even hid the gifts he gave me. Ang mga damit na binili namin ng magkasama ay iniwasan kong suotin. But no matter how hard I tried, every corner of my apartment felt empty without him.

Every night I lay in bed and stare at the ceiling, I always wonder what, when, or where did we went wrong. Madalas ay napapaluha ako habang iniisip kung may nagawa ba akong mali o kulang sa pagmamahal. The silence in my room was deafening, and as much as I don’t want to admit it, but I missed the sound of his laughter… or the warmth of his presence.

Sometimes, I would wake up in the middle of the night, reaching out to his side of the bed, only to find it cold and empty. Tuwing umaga, palagi kong naaalala kung paano kami magkasabay mag-almusal , kahit simpleng kape lang at pandesal.

Now I eat alone, and the food tastes bland without his company.

Nagtrabaho ako nang mas mabuti, umaasang makalimutan ko siya kahit sandali lang. I threw myself into my studies and projects, hoping that the busyness would drown out the ache in my chest. Pero kahit gaano ako ka-occupied, sa bawat break o pahinga, bumabalik at bumabalik siya sa isipan ko. I see him in the faces of strangers, heard his voice in the whispers of the wind.

There were days when I thought I was finally getting better. May mga oras na nakakatawa ako kasama ang mga kaibigan ko at kahit papaano ay napapawi ang lungkot. But even then, something as simple as a song on the radio, or a couple holding hands, would bring back the memories and the pain.

Until years passed, and I tried dating again and met new people, hoping to fill the void he left behind. Ngunit kahit ilang tao ang makilala ko, walang ni isa ang makakapantay sa kanya. They were kind and interesting… but they weren’t him.

I just… can’t feel him.

All countless nights, I found myself longing for the days when he was still mine. His absence was a constant ache. A void that nothing seemed to fill.

Ilang taon din kaming nagkasama at nagdamayan sa lahat. Of course it’s not gonna be easy for me to replace him, and to move forward all by myself.

In those quiet moments, I would think about the letters I had written to him. Liham na puno ng purong emosyon, ng mga salitang hindi ko masabi sa kaniya noon. I kept them hidden as I was too afraid to send them, too afraid to face the reality of our separation. Those letters became my secret, a testament to the love I still held for him.

As time passed, I learned to carry the pain with me. It became a part of who I was, a reminder of the love we once shared and the lessons I learned from it. But no matter how much time went by, a part of me still hoped that one day, we might… find our way back to each other.

---

Two years after the break up. I moved into a new apartment again. Sa gitna ng isang maulan na hapon, habang inaayos ko ang mga gamit ko ay napansin ko ang isang lumang kahon na punong-puno ng alikabok. It was a box filled with memories from my time with Terrence. Photos, trinkets, and letters.

The sight of the box made my heart ache. Hinayaan ko muna itong nakatabi dahil ayokong balikan ang nakaraan. Alam kong hindi ko pa kaya… but I guess something inside me urged me to open it, to confront the memories I had been trying to forget.

Binalik sa akin ng kahon na iyon ang lahat ng mga alaala namin ni Terrence. My hands trembled as I opened it, the weight of our past almost too much to bear. Kasama ng mga larawan at kung ano-anong bagay, nakita ko ang ilang mga liham na naka-address kay Terrence.

I had forgotten about these letters. These were the letters I never had the courage to send. Sinimulan kong basahin ang isa, ang papel ay medyo naninilaw na at halatang luma na. The ink was slightly smudged, but the words were clear.

First Letter:

Dear Terrence,

Una sa lahat,

nais

kong malaman mo na kahit anong

nangyari

sa

atin

,

mahal

pa rin kita. I never stopped loving you, even when it hurt the most. Ang

hirap

para sa akin na

tanggaping

wala ka na sa

tabi

ko.

I put the letter down, feeling my eyes start to water. The raw, unfiltered emotion in those words hit me like a truck. Hindi ko mapigilang magbalik-tanaw sa mga araw na magkasama kami.

I remembered the first time we met, the way he smiled at me, the way his eyes lit up when he laughed. Napakabilis ng tibok ng puso ko sa tuwing naaalala ko iyon. I continued reading, tears starting to stream down my face.

Terrence, alam ko na alam mong mali ang ginawa mo noon, and I know that you’re sorry for what you have done. How I wish I could turn back time. If only I had been more understanding… more patient.

Pasensya

na kung marami akong

pagkukulang

at

nagawa

mo ang

bagay

na

iyon

.

I couldn’t hold back my sobs anymore. Each letter was a dagger to my heart, reminding me of the love we had and the mistakes that tore us apart. Napaupo ako sa sahig ng kwarto at hinayaang dumaloy ang mga luha. Nanginginig kong binuklat ang pangalawang liham at tahimik iyong binasa.

Terrence,

There are so many things I wish I could tell you in person. Miss na miss na kita. Ang sakit. Ang sakit palang

mawalan

ng

taong

minahal

mo ng

lubos

. I see you in everything I do, and it’s killing me inside.

Pwede bang

bumalik

ka na please?

Habang nagbabasa ay muli kong inalala ang lahat ng sakit at saya ng aming nakaraan. Our memories together were both a blessing and a curse. Naaalala ko kung paano kami maglakad sa park, maghawak ng kamay, at magtawanan.

I remembered the nights we spent talking about our dreams, our fears, and our future. Ang hirap tanggapin na hindi na iyon mangyayari muli. The realization that those moments were now just memories made the pain even more unbearable.

I felt my heart breaking all over again. How did we end up like this? Paanong nangyari na ang lahat ng pangarap namin ay naglaho na lang bigla? I wiped my tears, but they kept coming, relentless and unending.

As I read through each letter, the memories flooded back. Naaalala ko pa ang araw na nag-away kami at kung paano kami nagkabalikan matapos ang ilang araw. I remembered the feeling of relief, the overwhelming sense of love when we reconciled.

Terrence,

M

agb

abati

pa tayo diba?

Naniniwala

akong

mahahanap

pa natin ang

landas

pabalik

sa isa’t isa.

Mahal

na

mahal

pa rin kita, at

palagi

kitang

mamahalin

. Ang sakit ng bawat araw na wala ka, pero

kakayanin

ko. Para sa ’yo.

I clutched the letter to my chest, my body wracked with sobs. Even after all the things I’ve been… I am still hoping for his presence to come back.

Dalawang taon na ah? Bakit… bakit ang sakit pa rin?

Pathetic.

Sa hindi malamang dahilan, muling bumalik sa akin ang alaala ng gabing naghiwalay kami ni Terrence. It was the hardest night of my life. Hindi kami nag-usap ng matino. There was too much anger, too much pain.

“I’m sorry, Ethan…” I remembered seeing him watching me pack my things. Hindi nito magawang lumapit sa akin.

And that was it. I packed my things in silence, my heart shattering with each item I placed in my bag. He didn’t stop me. He just watched as I gathered my belongings, his eyes filled with a mix of frustration and sadness.

Bawat kilos ko, bawat impake ko ng gamit ay para na namang tinutusok ako ng karayom sa puso. My tears blurred my vision, but I kept going. I had to leave. We were both hurting each other too much.

Ayoko na. Ayoko nang magsalita sa taong sinayang ang ilang taon naming pagsasama para lang sa isang babae.

Nang matapos akong mag-impake, tumingin ako sa kaniya ng huling beses.

“Goodbye, Terrence,” I whispered groggily. He didn’t respond. He just stood there, silent and still, as I walked out of the door and out of his life.

The rain outside continued to pour, mirroring the storm of emotions inside me. Hinayaan ko lang ang sarili kong umiyak, na parang sa pamamagitan ng mga luha ay mapapalaya ko ang bigat sa dibdib ko.

I thought about Terrence and where he might be now. Is he happy? Masaya na ba siya sa buhay niya ngayon? The thought of him moving on without me was almost too much to bear. Pero alam kong kailangan kong tanggapin ang realidad.

As the rain continued to fall, I sat there on the floor, surrounded by the remnants of our past. Slowly, I felt a sense of calm wash over me. These letters, though never sent, were a way for me to finally let go. Isa-isa kong inilagay ang mga liham sa kahon, iniisip na balang araw, baka sakaling magkita kami ulit ni Terrence at maibigay ko ang lahat ng ito.

And with that thought… I allowed myself to hope.

To believe that maybe… just maybe … our paths would cross again. And once we did, I would be ready.

For now, I would carry these memories with me, a testament to the love we once shared and the hope that still lingered in my heart.

Till then, Terrence.

Chapter 07 : Five Years Later

Warning: mature scene.

. . .

07 : Five Years Later

Terrence’s POV

Bianca and I had just finished another late-night work session, wrapping up the final details of their upcoming wedding. We just moved out from our previous town a week before and finished unpacking things on our new home, three days later. And now we’re also finished preparing for our most awaited event.

Bianca sat on the edge of the bed, her long hair cascading down her back, illuminated by the soft glow of the bedside lamp. She looked over at me with a playful smile, her eyes glinting with mischief.

“Babe, come here,” she whispered, patting the space beside her on the bed.

Lumapit ako sa kaniya, pakiramdam ko ay bumibilis ang tibok ng puso ko. Bianca is beautiful, kind, and everything a man could ask for in a partner. Naupo ako sa tabi niya, at agad siyang yumakap sa akin, ang mga labi niya ay naghanap ng akin. Her kisses were urgent and passionate, her hands moving swiftly to unbutton my shirt.

Bianca’s touch ignited a familiar fire within me. Her hands were soft but firm as they traced the contours of my muscles. Hinila ko siya palapit, pinalalim ang halik namin, ang mga kamay ko ay gumapang sa kaniyang buhok. She responded eagerly, her fingers deftly working to remove my shirt completely.

Habang umiinit ang aming mga halik, itinulak niya ako pabalik sa kama, siya ay umupo sa ibabaw ko. “I’ve missed this,” she murmured against my lips, grinding her hips against mine.

“Nakakamiss din,” I replied, my voice husky with arousal. Ang mga kamay ko ay gumapang pataas sa kaniyang mga hita, itinaas ang kaniyang damit hanggang ito’y nakabalandra sa kaniyang baywang. She moaned softly, the sound sending shivers down my spine.

Bianca leaned down, her lips brushing against my ear. “I want you, Terrence,” she whispered, her breath hot against my skin. She kissed her way down my neck, nipping and sucking, leaving a trail of marks that claimed me as hers.

I groaned, my hands gripping her hips tightly as she moved against me. “I need you, Bianca,” I said, my voice rough with need.

Umupo siya, hinubad ang kaniyang damit at itinapon ito sa gilid. Her lingerie was delicate and lacy, accentuating her curves perfectly. My eyes roamed over her body, my desire growing stronger with each passing second.

Bianca reached behind her, unclasping her bra and letting it fall away. Lumapit siya, idinikit ang kaniyang hubad na dibdib sa aking katawan, ang aming mga balat ay tila may kuryente. I could feel her heart beating rapidly against my own, our bodies moving in sync.

Hinubad ko ang kaniyang panty, tinapon sa gilid ng kama. Bianca spread her legs wider, inviting me in. “Take me, Terrence,” she moaned, her voice filled with desire.

I flipped us over, pinning her beneath me. Hinalikan ko siya ng malalim, ang mga kamay ko’y gumagala sa bawat sulok ng kaniyang katawan. Bianca moaned, arching her back, pressing herself closer to me.

“Terrence, please!” she begged, her voice breathless and needy.

Hearing her pleas, I moved back up, positioning myself at her entrance. Tiningnan ko siya sa mata and I could see the raw desire and love of her. “I love you, Bianca,” I whispered before thrusting into her.

Bianca cried out in pleasure, her nails digging into my back. “I love you too,” she managed to say between gasps.

Our movements became frantic, driven by a desperate need to be as close as possible. We moved together in perfect harmony, our bodies intertwining in a dance of passion.

Each thrust brought us closer to the peak, our breaths mingling, hearts pounding in unison. Bianca’s cries of pleasure filled the room, mingling with my groans. The intensity of our connection was almost overwhelming, driving us both to the brink.

Finally, we reached our climax together, our bodies shuddering in ecstasy. I collapsed beside Bianca, pulling her close as we rode out the waves of pleasure. Our breaths were ragged, our bodies slick with sweat.

“That was incredible,” Bianca whispered, her head resting on my chest.

“Yeah, it was,” I replied, kissing the top of her head. As we lay there, basking in the afterglow, my thoughts unexpectedly drifted to Ethan. It was strange, but in that moment of vulnerability, memories of our past relationship surfaced.

Why did I suddenly… thought of him? It’s been years already.

Ang mga mata niya, ang mga ngiti niya, ang mga yakap niya. Everything came rushing back, overwhelming my senses. I sighed.

I wondered where Ethan was now, what he was doing, and if he ever thought about our time together.

Bianca noticed my distraction. “Is everything okay?” she asked softly, her fingers tracing circles on my chest.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I lied, forcing a smile. “Just tired.”

Bianca smiled back, seemingly satisfied with my answer. She nestled closer, closing her eyes. But the thoughts of Ethan persisted, nagging at the back of my mind. It had been years since we broke up, but the feelings I had for him were still there, buried deep.

I felt a sudden rush of guilt. Bianca loved me completely, and here I was, thinking about someone else. It wasn’t fair to her. I needed to distract myself, to focus on the present.

I pulled Bianca closer, my hands moving to her waist. “Come here,” I whispered, my voice husky with a renewed desire.

She looked up at me, a bit surprised. “Again?” she asked, a playful smile forming on her lips.

“Yeah,” I replied, my lips capturing hers in a deep kiss. Her body responded immediately, her hands roaming over my back, pulling me closer.

I moved down, kissing her neck and collarbone, eliciting soft moans from her lips. I needed to drown out the thoughts of Ethan, to lose myself in the moment with Bianca. Her body trembled under my touch, her nails digging into my shoulders.

“T-Terrence…” she moaned, her voice filled with desire. I positioned myself at her entrance again, thrusting into her with a desperate need to forget.

We moved together, our bodies in sync, but my mind kept drifting back to Ethan. His face, his voice, his laughter. Out of nowhere, they suddenly just all haunted me even as I tried to focus on Bianca. I clung to her, hoping to find solace in her embrace, but the ache in my chest only grew stronger.

Bianca’s cries of pleasure filled the room, mingling with my own groans. We reached our climax together, our bodies shuddering in unison. I collapsed beside her once more, breathing heavily, my mind still a whirlwind of emotions.

I pulled her close to mine. She smiled, content and blissful, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of emptiness that lingered within me.

“I love you, Terrence,” she replied, her eyes drifting closed as she settled into sleep.

Naiwan akong gising, nakatingin sa kisame. For some reason, he just… kept on replaying inside my head.

I haven’t even thought of him since the last time we’ve seen each other. But something inside me is just… telling me to see him again… to talk to him, to understand these feelings that refused to fade.

I shook my head and I held Bianca close. I shouldn’t be thinking of him anymore. It’s been half a decade already.

---

Kinabukasan, I went for a short walk in order for me to clear up my mind. Iniwan ko muna sa bahay si Bianca at ayaw ko rin naman siyang gisingin para sumabay mag-jogging with me.

Habang naglalakad sa park malapit sa bahay namin ay bahagya akong natigilan nang mahagip ng paningin ko ang nag-iisang taong kagabi lang ay bumabagabag sa isipan ko. I was stunned for a moment when I realized it was him, thinking about what are the odds of actually seeing him in the right moment. It was almost as if perfectly planned by fate that our paths would cross once again.

I blinked a couple of times before it finally sinked in that he’s here in this town. After years of not having a connection with him… so this is where he moved in.

Ethan… is currently living here.

I could feel my heartbeat pumping faster and I don’t know what to do. But before I could think of anything else, nakita ko itong nilapitan ng isang lalaki. Mukhang kasing edad lamang namin.

They were laughing while talking, and were clearly enjoying each other’s company. My heart suddenly felt weird as I watched them mind themselves in their own little world.

Sino ’yon? Kakilala niya?

Wala sa sariling napatingin ako kay Ethan.

He looked happy. His smile was radiant, and his laughter infectious. It was a sight I hadn’t seen in years, and it stirred something deep within me. Nakaramdam ako ng… parang may humahaplos sa puso ko. Was this what it meant to move on? Was he truly over what we had?

Bakit parang… may kumikirot sa akin?

Hindi ko maiwasang mapatanong sa sarili kung sino ang lalaking iyon. What role did he play in Ethan’s life now? They seemed so at ease with each other, like they had known each other for a long time. The thought of Ethan finding happiness with someone else was both comforting and painful.

Pinilit kong ipagpatuloy ang paglalakad, ngunit ang mga mata ko ay patuloy na sumusulyap sa kanila. I could see them sitting on a bench, talking animatedly. Ethan’s hand brushed against the man’s arm, a simple, affectionate gesture that spoke volumes. My chest tightened.

Of course, five years have passed. And Ethan moved on I guess. And I know to myself that I did too.

I know that I already moved on.

Something inside my head is wanting for some answers, but decided to not bother because it’s not my life anymore. I shouldn’t be feeling this anyway. But the questions kept nagging at me.

Who was this man to Ethan? What did he mean to him? Did Ethan ever think about me, even for a moment?

Nakita kong tumayo sila mula sa bench, ang lalaki ay may hawak na maliit na kahon. He opened it, revealing what looked like a necklace. Ethan’s eyes widened with surprise and delight as the man placed it around his neck. The scene was intimate, a testament to their closeness.

I suddenly felt uncomfortable. Nakakalito ang pakiramdam, dahil kahit alam kong wala na akong karapatan, hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili kong…

I… I d-don’t know.

Ethan deserved happiness, I knew that. But seeing it unfold before my eyes… with someone else, was harder than I anticipated.

Nagpatuloy sila sa paglalakad papalayo sa akin. I just stood there frozen, and silently watched them disappear down the path. The laughter and conversation that once filled our days were now being shared with someone else. That’s when realization finally hit me hard.

Ethan had moved on, and what am I thinking all this time?

Bumalik ako sa bahay na mabigat ang loob. Bianca noticed my mood immediately when she saw me sitting on the sofa.

“Okay ka lang? Saan ka nanggaling?” she asked, concern etched on her face.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I lied, forcing a smile. “Just saw someone I used to know.”

Bianca reached out, squeezing my hand. “Do you want to talk about it?”

I shook my head. “No, it’s nothing. Just… brought back some old memories.”

She nodded, accepting my answer. But the truth was, I felt more confused than ever. Seeing Ethan with someone else had stirred emotions I thought I had buried long ago. It wasn’t just about jealousy; it was about realizing that I still cared… but why did I still feel something for him?

That night, habang nakahiga kami ni Bianca, my mind kept drifting back to Ethan. I tried to focus on the present, on the woman beside me who loved me unconditionally. But the image of Ethan’s smile, his laughter, and his closeness with that other man haunted me.

Pagkatapos ng ilang oras na pag-iikot sa kama, bumangon ako at pumunta sa sala. I needed some air, some clarity. I sat on the couch, staring at the wall, trying to sort through my feelings.

It wasn’t fair to Bianca. She deserved all of me, not just parts. But… why am I still feeling this towards Ethan?

The next day, fate intervened once again. Na animo’y sinasadya talagang muli kaming ipagtagpo ng landas.

And now it did.

This time, he was watering the garden at his… home I guess? He’s standing on the veranda on the second floor. His hair was tousled, and he wore a simple white shirt and jeans, looking effortlessly breathtaking.

I don’t know why but for some reason, nagulat ako sa ganda at katahimikan ng kaniyang itsura. He looked more serene, more grounded than I remembered. Despite the years that had passed, he still had that aura about him that drew me in. I felt a strange mix of emotions-nostalgia, longing, and an unfamiliar warmth.

He’s still… the same Ethan I used to know.

“Ethan?” I called out, trying to keep my voice steady. His head snapped up, and our eyes met. Nahuli ko itong nanlaki ang mga mata sa gulat, marahil halatang hindi niya inaasahan na makita ako.

“T-Terrence?” he replied, his voice a mixture of surprise and confusion. “Anong ginagawa mo rito?”

“I was just walking by,” I said, taking a step closer.

“It’s been a long time.”

“Oo, matagal na rin,” he replied, his expression softening. There was an awkward silence between us, filled with unsaid words and past emotions.

“How have you been?” I asked, genuinely curious. Gusto kong malaman kung ano na ang nangyari sa kaniya matapos ang lahat ng nangyari sa amin.

“I’ve been good,” he replied, smiling faintly. “Ikaw, kumusta ka na?”

“I’m… getting married,” I said, almost as if to remind myself as much as to tell him. “To… Bianca.”

“Congratulations,” he said, though his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes… or was I just imagining it?

“I hope you two will be very happy.”

“Thank you,” I said, the words feeling hollow. “Actually… I wanted to invite you to the wedding. If you’d like to come.”

Ethan seemed taken aback. “Really? After all this time?”

“Yeah,” I said, trying to sound casual. “I’d like that.”

“I’ll think about it,” he replied, his voice tinged with uncertainty.

We stood there for a moment longer, the past looming large between us. And then, with a nod, Ethan turned back to his gardening. I walked away with my mind in a whirlwind of emotions.

Chapter 08 : Unplanned Reunion

08 :

Unplanned Reunion

Ethan’s POV

It was a cool saturday night when I got to enter this art exhibition that I had been looking forward to go for weeks. The reason was simply because I’ve been searching for a place to stroll, and I remembered Mika telling me before about this art gallery that’s not far from town. Kaya naman nang magkaroon ng day off ay hindi na ako nag aksaya pa ng oras para i-book itong place. I guess I was eager to lose myself in the creativity and passion of the artists.

As I wandered through the gallery, may nakita ako na isang pamilyar na mukha mula sa malayo. I stopped behind in my tracks, and my throat suddenly went dry.

It was… Terrence.

He was here, just a few walks away from me while looking at a painting. Although we’ve recently talked to each other before, I just noticed how he looked different now compared to how he looked like back in the early days. He seems buffer and still strong, like time had only refined his features. My heart pounded in my chest as memories flooded back.

His hair was cut in a sharp army style, highlighting the angles of his face. There was a certain confidence in his stance, a maturity that hadn’t been there before. My eyes traced the lines of his muscles under his fitted shirt, noting the subtle changes that five years had brought. Every detail was sharper, more defined, and undeniably attractive. Napaiwas ako ng tingin.

Terrence had the features of a real man now, someone who had clearly grown and evolved.

I took a deep breath and tried to steady myself. I’ve seen him already before… but why did seeing him again have to affect me so much?

Inevitably, our eyes met. For a moment, time seemed to stand still. There was shock in his eyes, mixed with something else; recognition perhaps?

I forced my feet to move and closed the distance between us, at sa bawat pagtapak ay ramdam ko ang pagbigat ng mga paa ko.

“Hey.”

“Hey…” tugon nito habang nakatitig pa rin sa’kin.

“I didn’t expect to see you again,” I managed to say even though my voice sounds barely above a whisper.

He blinked. “N-neither did I… Kumusta?”

We stood there, awkwardly trying to bridge the gap that five years had created between us. I could see the same emotions flickering in his eyes.

Surprise… nostalgia… and something else I couldn’t quite place.

“Ayos lang naman,” I smiled. “You look… well.”

“Thanks. Ikaw din, you look great tonight, Ethan,” he said, his eyes lingering on me a moment longer than necessary.

“What brings you here?” I genuinely asked. Gusto ko sanang idagdag pa na going to these type of place is not so him, pero mabilis kong pinigilan ang sarili ko.

I guess… people really changes.

“A friend of mine recommended this exhibition,” he replied. “Sabi niya, maganda raw ang mga gawa ng mga artists dito.”

“Same here,” I said, relaxing a bit. “Mika, my friend, told me about it. She’s really into art and thought I’d enjoy it.”

“Small world,” he said with a chuckle. “I never thought I’d run into you here.”

Ngumiti ako.

“Ako rin. Tagal na rin pala.”

“Yeah,” he agreed before looking around the gallery.

“So… what do you think of the exhibit so far?”

Tumingin ako kay Terrence bago sumagot. “It’s fascinating. The creativity and emotion in each piece… it’s really something.”

“Yeah… it’s impressive,” he nodded.

“It’s nice to have a bit of a break and just appreciate art, you know?”

“Oo…”

As the evening went on, we continued to talk about the art, sharing our thoughts and interpretations of the various pieces. It felt surprisingly natural, like we were slipping back into an old rhythm. Despite the awkwardness of our initial meeting, there was a sense of ease that slowly began to settle in.

Eventually, we moved to a quieter corner, away from the crowd. The buzz of conversation and the soft music in the background faded as we focused on each other. “So, this is where we are now,” I said softly, looking down at my hands.

“Both engaged to other people.”

Saglit kong naramdaman ang bigat ng mga salita ko. It was a reality I was still trying to come to terms with. A part of me wanted to ask him about… her, to understand how he felt about marrying Bianca. But then I held back, knowing that it wasn’t my place anymore.

Terrence sighed, looking around the room as if searching for the right words. “Yeah, I guess so,” he said, his voice tinged with a hint of sadness. “Strange, isn’t it?”

I nodded, feeling a lump form in my throat. Strange didn’t even begin to cover it.

“Life takes us to unexpected places… but we move forward, right?”

“Right,” Terrence agreed, though his eyes… seemed like it was telling a different story. There was a depth to his gaze that spoke of unspoken regrets and lingering what-ifs. Hindi ko maiwasang mag-isip kung ano pa ang mga hindi nasabi sa pagitan namin.

We continued to talk about the art exhibition, but my mind was elsewhere. There was so much left unsaid, and I could feel the weight of our shared history pressing down on me.

Every word… every glance felt loaded with meaning.

Nalaman ni Terrence na may fiancé na rin ako. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sasabihin sa kaniya nang diretso, kaya hinayaan ko na lang na mangyari ito nang natural.

“It seems like a lifetime ago, doesn’t it?”

“Oo, parang matagal na,” I agreed without looking up to meet his gaze. Absentmindedly, my mouth just suddenly speak up.

“Do you… ever think about it? About… us?”

Sandali akong natigilan sa nabanggit ko at napakurap. Liningon ko si Terrence sa kaniyang pwesto at akmang babawiin na sana ang sinabi ko nang ngumiti siya.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Of course I do, Ethan. How could I not? You were a huge part of my life.”

His words hung in the air, heavy with the weight of our shared history.

“Minsan, naiisip ko rin. There are days when I wonder what could have been.”

“Same here,” he admitted, his eyes reflecting the same wistfulness I felt. “But we both moved on. We had to.”

“Yes, we did,” I agreed, but a part of me still felt the sting of those old wounds. “It’s just strange, seeing you here. Parang… may nagbukas ulit na isang sugat na akala ko gumaling na.”

He slowly nodded. “I know what you mean. But maybe this is a chance for us to finally get some closure.”

I looked at him, seeing the sincerity in his expression.

“Maybe it is.”

“And I think we owe it to ourselves to try.”

We stood there, the past and the present colliding in a way that left us both feeling raw and vulnerable. But in that moment, I felt a glimmer of hope.

Hope that we could finally find peace with our past.

As the evening drew to a close, we promised to catch up over coffee sometime so we exchanged contacts. As I walked away from the gallery, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief.

Our paths had crossed again, and while it was unexpected, it felt like a necessary step towards healing.

Bago pa man ako tuluyang makalayo ay napalingon ako kay Terrence nang may maalala.

“Terrence,” tawag ko sa kaniya.

He turned back.

“Yes, Ethan?”

“I’m going,” I said, taking a deep breath. “I’ll be at your wedding.”

He looked surprised for a moment, then nodded, a small smile playing on his lips. “I’m glad to hear that. It means a lot.”

“See you then,” I said, giving him a final wave before heading out into the night.

Just as I was about to leave the gallery, I heard someone calling my name. I turned around to see Marco, my boyfriend, striding towards me. I don’t know what’s going on but suddenly, his presence somehow felt commanding, as even his well-defined muscles evident under his shirt.

Marco really had that aura of confidence that always made heads turn.

“Marco,” I said, smiling as he reached me.

“What are you doing here?” nagtatakang ani ko pero natuwa rin marahil nandito siya.

“I came to pick you up. Thought we could grab dinner,” he replied, his eyes flickering to Terrence, who was still standing nearby.

“Marco, this is Terrence pala,” I said, introducing them. “Terrence, this is Marco.” Pakilala ko sa kanilang dalawa.

Terrence extended a hand. “Nice to meet you, Marco.” Matamis ang ngiti niya, pero may bakas ng pag-aalinlangan sa kaniyang mga mata.

Marco shook his hand, his grip firm. “Likewise.” May lamig ang boses ni Marco, parang nagpapakita ng… pahiwatig.

Terrence, still holding Marco’s hand, added with a hint of coldness, “Ethan speaks highly of you.”

Marco met Terrence’s gaze evenly. “I hope I live up to his expectations.”

There was a moment of silence as the two of them looked at each other, a subtle tension in the air. It felt like they were measuring each other, both trying to assert their presence without words. I could feel the weight of it, the unspoken challenge between them. Parang may tahimik na labanan na nagaganap sa kanilang mga tingin.

“Ethan, ready to go?” Marco asked, turning to me with a warm smile.

“Yeah, let’s go,” I said, giving Terrence a nod. “I’ll see you around, Terrence.”

Ngumiti muna ako kay Terrence bago kami umalis.

“Take care…” he replied shortly.

As Marco and I walked away, I couldn’t help but glance back at Terrence one last time. The encounter had stirred up old feelings, and I knew it would take time to sort through them.

Pero alam kong kailangan kong harapin ang bagong kabanata sa buhay ko kasama si Marco.

Habang naglalakad ay naramdaman ko ang kamay ni Marco na mahigpit na humawak sa akin.

“Who was that?” he asked, his voice tinged with curiosity and a hint of jealousy. “Sino siya?” Tanong niya, may halong pag-aalala.

“An old friend,” I replied, keeping my tone light. “Matagal na kaming hindi nagkikita.” Sinubukan kong itago ang anumang emosyon na nararamdaman ko.

Marco looked at me, his eyes searching mine for answers.

“You seemed pretty close,” he said, his voice softening. “Parang malalim ang pinagsamahan niyo.”

I nodded, taking a deep breath.

“We were, once. But that was a long time ago. Matagal na iyon, Marco,” sinubukan kong ipaliwanag nang maayos.

He didn’t talk for a moment but after a while, he finally spoke.

“Alright,” he said, squeezing my hand reassuringly. “As long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters to me.”

Ngumiti siya na tila ba sinasabing tatanggapin niya ang kahit anong desisyon ko basta’t masaya ako.

Later on, the tension slowly dissipating as we talked about other things. But as much as I tried to focus on the present… a part of me was still caught in the past, with Terrence and all the moments we shared. Hindi ko maiwasang mag-isip kung ano na kaya ang magiging epekto ng muling pagkikita namin.

“Marco, there’s something I need to tell you,” I said suddenly, stopping in my tracks. Huminto rin siya sa paglalakad at tumingin sa akin.

“What is it?”

“I got… invited to Terrence’s wedding, and I plan to go,” inihinga ko ang katotohanan na matagal ko nang gustong sabihin.

Marco looked at me, surprised. “You’re going to his… wedding?” he asked, clearly taken aback. “Bakit mo gusto pumunta?”

“I think I need to,” I replied, my voice steady. “For closure. Kailangan ko ng pagtatapos sa aming nakaraan.” Alam kong mahirap intindihin, pero ito ang nararamdaman ko.

He studied my face for a moment, then nodded. “If that’s what you need, then I support you. As long as you’re honest with me,” pagtanggap niya sa ang aking desisyon.

“Thank you, Marco,” I said as I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.

“I really appreciate it. Salamat sa pag-intindi.”

Chapter 09 : Marco

09 :

Marco

Ethan’s POV

Habang nasa biyahe kami ni Marco pauwi ng bahay gamit ang kotse niya, naalala ko kung paano kami nagsimulang magkakilala. The soft hum of the car engine and the rhythmic patter of raindrops against the window made the journey feel almost dreamlike.

Everything felt surreal after seeing Terrence, but I knew I needed to focus on the present: on Marco. To the man who had patiently waited for me to open my heart again.

Nasa huling taon na kami sa kolehiyo noong unang nagtagpo ang mga landas namin. We were both BS in Nursing students.

Sa bawat araw, ang mga oras namin ay puno ng mga lecture, clinical rotations, and endless study sessions. Our schedules were packed, leaving little room for anything else.

Pero kahit ganoon, hindi kailanman nagkulang si Marco sa oras para iparamdam ang kaniyang nararamdaman sa’kin. He always had this smile that could light up a room just by walking into it.

Back then, tuwing nasa lecture hall kami, napapansin ko siyang nakaupo sa likuran, surrounded by his usual group of friends. His laughter always echoed through the room, a sound that was both infectious and distracting.

Sinubukan kong huwag pansinin siya, pero mahirap iwasan ang isang taong parang may sariling gravitational pull.

During our clinical rotations, Marco would often be the center of attention. He was skilled, confident, and had a natural way with patients. Madalas siyang papurihan ng mga instructor namin dahil sa kanyang galing at dedikasyon. I, on the other hand, preferred to keep a low profile, focusing on my tasks and avoiding the spotlight.

Marco was the jock of the campus, always surrounded by circles of friends and admirers. He was tall, muscular, and carried himself with an air of confidence that made heads turn wherever he went.

I could even remember the time noong unang pagkakataon na nakita ko siya; he was playing basketball, his shirt drenched in sweat, yet he looked like he just stepped out of a magazine. It’s undeniable that he had that air of confidence that drew people in.

Para siyang si Terrence noon; laging nasa gitna ng atensyon, laging may kasama. His shoulders were broad, his arms defined, and he walked with a kind of assuredness that was hard to ignore. His eyes, a striking shade of blue, seemed to see right through me.

I tried to stay away from people like Marco because he resembled Terrence so much, but Marco was always persistent. He would find ways to sit next to me in class, or join me during lunch.

There was even this one simple moment na habang nasa hospital kami para sa isang rotation, nakikita ko siyang tumutulong sa isang pasyente. He was calm and composed, his strong hands working efficiently. His gentle voice was reassuring, and the patient seemed to relax under his care. Hindi ko maiwasang humanga sa kaniya.

And even after the shifts, he still manages to approach me.

“Ethan!” tawag niya habang nakapaskil na naman ang ngiti sa kaniyang mga labi.

“Kumusta?”

“Okay lang,” sagot ko, trying to keep my response short and polite. “Ikaw?”

“Pretty good,” he replied, his eyes twinkling with mischief. “I was wondering if you’d like to grab a coffee later. You know, to unwind.”

Nagulat ako sa kaniyang imbitasyon, pero bago pa man ako makatanggi, napagtanto ko nalang ang sarili kong sumasagot sa kaniya.

“Sure… I guess.”

From that day on, our interactions became more frequent. We started studying together, sharing notes, and even helping each other out during clinicals. Slowly, Marco began to break down the walls I had built around myself. Sa bawat araw na magkasama kami, mas lalo kong nakikilala ang kaniyang tunay na pagkatao.

I realized he wasn’t just the campus jock everyone admired. Behind that confident exterior was a person who genuinely cared for others. Marco’s persistence and patience were qualities I had come to appreciate deeply. Sa tuwing nahihirapan ako, andiyan siya para magbigay ng suporta at lakas ng loob.

Hindi siya sumusuko kahit na ilang beses ko siyang iniwasan. He would always flash that smile, the one that made my heart skip a beat despite my best efforts to remain indifferent.

He had a way of making everything seem light and easy, even when I was struggling.

One night, after a particularly tough exam, we decided to take a walk around the campus. The cool breeze was refreshing, and the quiet of the night provided a perfect backdrop for our conversation.

“You know, Ethan,” he broke the silence, “ The truth is… I really enjoy spending time with you.“

Umiwas ako ng tingin sa kaniya.

“…ako rin. You’ve been a great friend, Marco.”

He stopped walking and turned to face me, his expression serious.

“I want to be more than just friends,” he suddenly confessed. “I know you’re still healing, and I’ll wait as long as it takes. But I need you to know how I feel.”

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang isasagot ko. My heart was still scarred from the past, but Marco’s words touched something deep within me.

“Thank you… Marco,” I said softly. “For everything.”

“I like you. A lot. And I know this is really sudden because you’re going through something,” I could see the sincerity in his eyes, a stark contrast to the playful demeanor he usually carried.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko. I was still healing, still trying to find my footing after Terrence, but Marco’s words struck a chord in me.

“Marco… hindi pa ako handa,” sabi ko sa kaniya, hoping he would understand. But instead of backing off, he simply nodded, and a gentle smile was made on his lips.

“I know. And that’s okay. I told you, I’ll wait for you, Ethan. However long it takes.”

Hindi pa talaga ako ready noong time na ’yon. But just as what Marco said, he waited. He didn’t push or force me. Instead, he was just there-constant and unwavering.

He would check up on me, offer to help with my studies, and even bring me coffee during our usual late-night study sessions. His patience was both frustrating and endearing. Sa bawat pagkakataon na tinanggihan ko siya, mas lalo siyang nagpupursige. He’d show up at my favorite café, not by coincidence, but because he knew it was where I found solace.

Naalala ko pa ang isang pagkakataon na nakita ko siya sa café, nakaupo sa paborito kong table.

“Mind if I join you?” he asked, holding two cups of coffee.

“Marco? A-anong… ginagawa mo dito? “ I tried to hide my surprise in my voice, but I seemed to fail anyway. He grinned and handed one of the cups towards me.

“Just thought you might need a break… and some company,” he said.

He had this knack for showing up exactly when I needed a distraction. Hindi ko alam kung paano niya nagagawa iyon, pero lagi siyang naroon. Sa tuwing nag-aaral ako ng hatinggabi sa library, bigla na lang siyang susulpot, may dalang snack para sa akin.

“You’re going to burn out if you keep this up,” he’d say, handing me a granola bar. “You need to take care of yourself too, you know.”

I couldn’t help but soften a bit each time.

“Thanks, Marco,” I’d mumble, trying to focus back on my books but finding it harder to ignore his presence.

May mga araw na sobrang pagod na pagod na ako, pero pagdating ko sa dorm, may note at pagkain na iniwan si Marco sa pinto ko.

‘Saw you looking stressed today. Hope this helps. :) - Marco’

His persistence was relentless, and slowly, my walls began to crumble. Hindi ko maiwasang ma-appreciate ang effort niya.

“Why are you here?” I asked, both surprised and concerned when I found him waiting outside my class, drenched from the rain.

“Just wanted to make sure you got home safe,” he said with a shrug, his smile never faltering despite being soaked. “Also, I brought your favorite umbrella just in case.”

Nagsimula akong mag-alala para sa kaniya, at hindi nagtagal, napagtanto ko na hindi ko na kayang itaboy siya. Marco’s persistence wasn’t just about winning me over; it was about genuinely caring for my well-being.

His actions spoke louder than any words ever could.

“I don’t get why you keep doing this,” I told him one night after he insisted on walking me home. “Why go through all this trouble for me?”

“Because you’re worth it,” he replied simply, his eyes locking onto mine with such sincerity that it took my breath away. “And I believe in you.”

The truth was, I was beginning to believe in him too. Marco’s unwavering dedication made me feel seen and valued in a way I hadn’t felt since Terrence.

Weeks turned into months, and Marco never wavered. He became a fixture in my life, a comforting presence that I began to rely on.

During our clinical rotations, he’d make sure I wasn’t overwhelmed, offering a helping hand without asking for anything in return. Unti-unti kong natutunang magtiwala ulit. Slowly, he wore down my defenses. He was like a patient sculptor, chipping away at the walls I had built around my heart.

One night, after a particularly grueling shift, he found me in the campus garden, staring blankly at the stars.

“You did great today,” he said, sitting beside me. “I’m proud of you.”

Hindi ko mapigilang mapangiti.

For the first time in a long while, I really felt… seen.

“S-salamat… Marco,” I replied softly.

Gradually, I let Marco into my heart. He was patient, understanding, and always knew how to make me smile. He’d take me on spontaneous trips, surprise me with little gifts, and always knew the right thing to say when I was feeling down.

He was everything I needed to heal. Nagsimula akong magtiwala ulit, magbukas ng pinto para sa bagong pag-ibig. Marco became not just my boyfriend but my rock, the one who grounded me.

Now, as I sat beside him in the car, I realized how far we’d come. He wasn’t just the jock who chased after me anymore. Marco had become my safe place. He had this way of making me feel grounded, no matter how chaotic life got.

Marco reached over and gave my hand a gentle squeeze, pulling me back to the present.

“Hey,” Marco called, his voice pulling me back from reality. “What are you thinking about?”

Napangiti ako.

“Wala lang… I just realized how far we’ve come.”

“Yeah, we’ve come a long way,” he agreed, his thumb brushing over my knuckles.

“And I’m glad we’re here, together.”

I nodded, feeling a warmth spread through my chest. Everything felt perfect now. Terrence and I were finally getting the closure we needed, and with Marco by my side, life seemed to be falling into place. It felt like the pieces of my heart were mending, creating a new mosaic of hope and stability.

I believed that things were going to be okay, that the future held nothing but promise for us…

Little did I know, an unforeseen storm was on the horizon, one that would shatter this fragile sense of peace and change everything.

If only…

… if only I knew what would happen to him .

Chapter 10 : Unexpected

10 :

U

nexpected

Ethan’s POV

“Ethan, I’ll be gone for a few days,” he said, flashing his usual confident smile. “But I’ll call you every night.”

“Be careful, okay?” sabi ko sa kaniya, trying to hide the unease I felt. He was excited about an upcoming work trip. It was a conference for nurses that he had been looking forward to for months. Marco’s job often took him to different places, and though I was proud of him, syempre hindi ko pa rin maiwasang mag-alala.

“Of course, babe,” he replied and gavr me a quick kiss on the forehead.

“You know I always am.”

We spent the evening together, talking about his trip and our plans for the future.

“Excited talaga ako sa trip na ’to,” walang tigil niyang kakasabi sa’kin.

Nagluto kami ng paborito niyang pasta, a creamy carbonara with crispy bacon. The smell of garlic and cheese filled the kitchen, making our small apartment feel warm and inviting.

“I can’t wait for you to try this,” I said, smiling as I stirred the sauce. “I added a little extra parmesan, just how you like it.”

“Alam mo talaga kung paano ako paligayahin,” Marco grinned. He set the table with our favorite wine glasses and lit a few candles to create a cozy atmosphere. Napairap ako sa kaniya.

“Edi wow. Ang dami mong alam.”

We sat down to eat, enjoying the simple yet delicious meal.

“This is perfect,” ani niya pa habang kumakagat.

I smiled and agreed, taking a sip of wine.

“I love these quiet evenings with you. It’s like we have our own little world.”

After dinner, we moved to the living room and cuddled on the couch.

“Anong gusto mo gawin natin after ng conference ko?” Marco asked. Naramdaman ko ang kamay nitong sinusuklayan ang aking buhok kaya mas sumandal pa ako sa kaniya.

“Siguro mag-vacation tayo,” I suggested. “We could go somewhere we’ve never been before. Just the two of us.”

“I like that idea,” he smiled. “Kailangan natin ng break from all the stress. Just you and me, enjoying each other’s company.”

We stayed up late, savoring each other’s presence knowing that we had a strong foundation built on love and mutual respect.

“I’m so grateful for you,” Marco said out of nowhere, holding me close. “You’ve made my life so much better, Ethan.”

Lumingon ako sa kaniya at nakitang nakatingin ito ng direkta sa aking mga mata. I rolled my eyes at him, but eventually smiled.

“Parang ewan. Ikaw din naman,” I replied, my voice full of emotion. “You’ve shown me what it means to truly love and be loved.”

The next morning, Marco left early. Nagpaalam siya sa akin habang ako’y nasa kusina at nagtitimpla ng kape.

“I’ll see you in a few days,” Marco said before pulling me into a tight hug.

“I love you. I’ll be back before you know it.”

“I love you too, Marco. Ingat ka,” I replied.

After he left, I tried to go about my day as usual and busied myself with chores dahil wala rin naman akong gagawin buong araw. Wala rin kasi akong duty ngayong araw so might as well just clean the house rather than sleep the whole day.

Later that afternoon, habang nag-aayos ng mga gamit sa bahay ay nakatanggap ako ng tawag mula sa ospital. Marco was supposed to be going on a trip for his work, a conference for nurses. I thought the call’s just about my shift for tomorrow so I casually answered the call.

“Hello?”

“Ethan, it’s me, Jared. You need to come to the hospital,” it was our other friend nurse on the other end said.

“Bakit?”

“It’s about Marco…”

I stopped when I immediately heard his name. Suddenly, I felt like time has stopped.

Marco…

Nanghina ang mga tuhod ko at halos muntik pa akong madapa pababa ng bahay. I grabbed my keys and rushed out of the house quickly. I was barely able to breathe. The drive to the hospital felt like an eternity, and my mind was racing with all the worst possible scenarios.

As I drove, I couldn’t help but think back to the morning Marco left. We had shared breakfast together, a simple meal of eggs and toast. He had that bright smile on his face, the one that always managed to lift my spirits.

“I’ll be back before you know it.”

“I love you too, Marco.

Ingat

ka.“

If only… If only I knew that that would be the last time I would see him so full of life.

When I arrived at the hospital, the place was a blur of sterile white and frantic activity. Tinuro sa akin ng nurse kung saan nakahiga si Marco, at mabilis akong tumakbo papunta doon. My heart pounded in my chest, each step feeling heavier than the last.

When I reached his room, I saw him lying there, surrounded by machines and monitors.

Marco looked pale. His strong body was now fragile and broken. Nagmamadaling lumapit ako sa kaniya at humawak sa kaniyang kamay.

“M-Marco… n-nandito ako,” I whispered, my voice breaking.

“Please, s-stay with me.”

The doctor tried to explain his injuries, but the words were a distant echo. Lahat ng naririnig ko ay tanging pagtibok lamang ng puso ko at ang paghinga ni Marco.

He was fighting… but it was a battle he was losing.

As the hours passed, I sat by his side, holding his hand and talking to him. I recounted memories of our time together, hoping my voice would reach him through the haze of pain.

“N-naaalala mo pa ba nung dating umamin ka?” I said, my voice trembling. “You were so persistent. I thought you were just another jock, but you proved me wrong.”

“I like you. A lot. And I know you’re going through something, but I’m willing to wait.”

“Marco, hindi pa ako

handa

…“

“I know. And that’s okay. I’ll wait for you, Ethan. However long it takes.”

As I sat beside Marco in the hospital, those memories felt both distant and painfully close. His breaths grew shallower, and his grip on my hand tightened.

“Ethan,” he whispered, a faint smile playing on his lips.

“I… l-love…”

He tried to tell me one last time… but he suddenly closed his eyes.

Tears streamed down my face as I squeezed his hand back. “M-Marco…”

The doctors came rushing in, the urgency in their movements making my heart race.

“Ethan, we need to start resuscitation,” one of the doctors said, pulling me aside. But I couldn’t move.

Hindi ko magawang bitiwan ang kamay ni Marco.

Hindi ko kaya…

“Please, Marco…” I whispered, tears streaming down my face. “H’wag mo akong… i-iwan.”

The doctors began their efforts, performing CPR and using the defibrillator, but Marco’s condition was critical. I could see the determination in their eyes, but also the grim reality that they were facing.

“Clear!” one of the doctors shouted, as they administered a shock to his heart. Marco’s body jerked slightly, but there was no response.

“Sir, hindi ho kayo pwede rito, lumabas ho kayo sa kwarto!” I heard one of the nurses called me out, but I didn’t listen.

“Clear!” they tried again… but still nothing.

I was numb, frozen in place, unable to comprehend what was happening. Until one of the doctors turned to me with his expression somber.

“We’re doing everything we can… but you should say your goodbyes.”

Wala sa sariling napatingala ako sa doktor na nagsalita at natulala.

“G-Gomez…” my voice cracked as I mentioned the doctor’s name. He’s also one of Marco’s friend. But right now… even after all he’s got…

Hindi…

Hindi maaari…

Kung kailan maayos na ang lahat…

A-ayoko pa…

I pushed him aside and moved on top of Marco. Some of the doctors and staffs involved tried to stopped me but I didn’t listen and tried to revive him on my own instead.

Habang tumatagal, hindi ko na namalayan pa ang mga luhang tumutulo sa mata ko.

“M-Marco…” I cried devastatingly.

“Ethan! Stop him!”

But I resisted until I got tired and burst out on top of my fiancé…

On top of my life.

I cried for a moment before the medical team finally succeeded in pulling me down.

“Marco, please…” I whispered, my voice breaking as tears kept on streaming down my face. Nanginginig kong hinawakan ang isang palad ni Marco, feeling the warmth slowly slipping away.

His hand, once strong and reassuring, was now lifeless in mine.

“Don’t leave me, please,” I pleaded, my heart shattering with every passing second.

“Hindi… h-hindi ko kaya…”

I looked around the room, seeing the somber faces of the doctors and nurses.

“We did everything we could,” one of them said softly, placing a hand on my shoulder.

“I’m so sorry.”

I closed my eyes and turned at Marco again.

“Please… wake up,” I begged, my voice barely above a whisper.

“Kailangan kita… H-hindi ko kayang mag-isa…”

The reality of the situation began to sink in, and a wave of unbearable pain crashed over me. I cried out, clutching his hand tighter.

“Hindi… p-pwede…”

One of the nurses gently tried to pull me away, but I resisted once again.

“Please, just a little longer,” I said, my voice trembling. “I need more time.”

“He’s gone now, Ethan,” the doctor said gently, his eyes filled with sorrow.

“You need to let him go.”

Sa mga huling segundo niya, naramdaman ko ang init ng kaniyang kamay, ang lakas ng kanyang pagmamahal. I tried remembering his last moments. He smiled, a peaceful, serene smile. His hand slowly went limp in mine, and the monitor flatlined.

My heart shattered into a million pieces. Parang nawalan ako ng lakas at bumagsak sa tabi ng kama niya.

The world seemed to stop, and all that remained was an empty void where Marco once was.

I’m just… dreaming, right? Please tell me I’m just dreaming… no.

Please… wake me up in this nightmare.

The void left by Marco’s death was a chasm that seemed impossible to fill.

His love and his memory would always be a part of me, but now, it was a memory tinged with sorrow and loss.

The biggest part of my life… has come to an end.

Chapter 11 : Lost in Mind

11 : Lost in Mind

Ethan’s POV

Nasa lobby ako ng ospital. Nanginginig at tuliro, hindi ko namalayang nakatitig ako sa screen ng phone ko.

The bright light of the screen contrasted sharply with the dim, sterile environment of the hospital lobby. My hands moved on their own and tapped the contacts, a mechanical motion driven by a desperate need for connection.

I could hear the faint sounds of medical equipment and distant conversations, but it all felt muted, as if I were underwater. Each beep of the machines, each murmur of voices seemed to come from a world far removed from my own.

Nang lumabas ang listahan ng mga pangalan sa phone ko, nanatili akong nakatitig, halos hindi alam kung sino ang tatawagan. My vision blurred with unshed tears, making the names swim in and out of focus. My thumb hovered over the screen, shaking uncontrollably as I read the first name of the number and stared at it.

Pinindot ko ang call button, hindi alam kung ano ang sasabihin because my mind was still hazy, pero alam kong kailangan ko ng makakausap. Ang bawat ring ay parang isang mahabang, nakakabinging pagputol ng oras.

Kailangan… ko siya.

But will he answer the call?

[ Hello? ] He answered, his voice a lifeline through the chaos.

“Terrence…” I murmured, my voice barely a whisper.

The other line remained silent, but I knew he was just there… listening.

“Terrence… w-wala na…” I choked out between sobs. “W-wala na s-siya…”

[ Where are you? ]

“Hospital…” I tried my best to say the name of the hospital even though my voice keeps on breaking.

[ … I’m coming. ] The line ended.

I was left in the silence of the hospital lobby, the reality of Marco’s absence sinking in deeper.

Terrence came as quickly as he could, and when he arrived, he stopped when he saw my devastated state.

I looked at him with teary-eyes. Hindi ko na kayang magsalita, pero isang tingin lang nito sa akin ay agad na niyang naintindihan ang nangyari.

He looked at the sight of my bloodstained shirt, the remnants of my desperate attempts to save the only person that was left to me.

But now also gone, forever.

“Ethan,” he whispered. Dahan-dahan siyang lumapit sa akin, tila natatakot na baka lalo akong masira.

Terrence knelt down beside me, his eyes never leaving mine.

“I’m here,” he said softly, reaching out to touch my shoulder.

“Nandito lang ako, Ethan.”

The dam of emotions I had been holding back broke, and I collapsed into his arms.

“H-he’s gone, Terrence,” I sobbed, my body shaking with the force of my grief. “Wala na si Marco…”

“I know,” he murmured, his grip tightening around me.

“I’m so sorry, Ethan. I’m so, so sorry.” Hindi niya ako binitiwan, kahit na patuloy ang pag-agos ng aking mga luha.

We stayed like that for what felt like hours, the world outside the hospital room fading into the background.

“Paano na ako ngayon?” I asked, my voice barely audible.

Terrence’s eyes were filled with pain as he looked at me.

“One day at a time,” he said gently. “Isang araw sa bawat pagkakataon, Ethan. And you don’t have to do it alone.”

Niyakap niya ako ng mahigpit habang umiiyak ako sa kaniyang balikat. His presence was a small solace, a reminder that I wasn’t alone in my grief. Sa kabila ng sakit at lungkot, alam kong may isang tao na handang tumulong at umalalay sa akin.

“It all happened so fast,” I sobbed, my voice shaking. “One moment he was fine, and then the next thing… I couldn’t save him. I couldn’t save the love of my life.”

“Ethan…” Terrence whispered.

“Ano pang saysay ng pagiging nurse ko? Bakit pa ako naging nurse diba? Kung hindi ko lang din pala kayang iligtas ang natitirang tao p-para sa’kin?”

Para akong pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa sa sobrag bigat ng nararamdaman ko.

“Gusto ko nalang mamatay,” I just suddenly confessed, the weight of my grief pressing down on me.

“Ang hirap… ang hirap-hirap… ang sakit. H-hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko—”

Terrence was immediately alarmed and by what I said and held me tightly.

“Don’t say that, Ethan. Please, don’t. You are strong, and you will get through this. I’m here for you… always.”

“Nangako ako sa kaniya na magiging okay kami,” I sobbed, my body shaking with the intensity of my emotions. “Pero paano? Paano kung wala na siya?”

“Ethan, look at me.” He used his hand to raise my chin and looked at me in the eyes.

“I can’t imagine what you’re going through,” Terrence said, his voice filled with empathy. “But I promise you that you won’t go through it alone… We’ll get through this together, alright?”

Bahagya akong natigilan sa sinabi niya. His words were a small comfort, a glimmer of hope in the darkest moment of my life.

As we sat there, the memories of Marco flooded back, each one a dagger to my heart.

I remembered the way he laughed, the way he would hold me close when I felt down, and the way his eyes would light up when he saw me.

“P-paano ako magpapatuloy…?” I asked in thin air, my voice barely audible.

Everywhere I look, I see him. Every part of my life has Marco in it. How do I move on from that?

Terrence tightened his grip around me. “I don’t have the answer, Ethan,” he admitted. “But I know that Marco wouldn’t want you to give up.”

He hugged me.

“I don’t know him. I honestly don’t know what his personality is. But there’s one thing I knew when I saw him: he loves you. He loved you too much to see you like this. And I know that he would want you to live, to find happiness again.”

“Hindi ko na kaya,” I whispered, the tears still streaming down my face.

“Marco was my everything. He… was my future.”

“I know,” Terrence said.

“But you’re not alone. You have me, your friends, and we’ll get through this together. Slowly.”

“It hurts so much,” I confessed, my voice trembling. “Parang pinupunit ang puso ko sa bawat paghinga.”

“I know, Ethan,” he replied softly, brushing away my tears. “But you’re strong, even if you don’t feel it right now. And I’ll be here to remind you of that every day.”

We sat in silence for what felt like hours, the weight of Marco’s absence hanging heavy in the air. Every beat of my heart was a painful reminder of what I had lost. Each breath felt like a struggle, the air thick with grief.

“Ethan,” Terrence said eventually, breaking the silence. “Let’s get you home. You need to rest.”

“Ayaw ko pang umalis,” I protested weakly. “Ayaw kong… iwan siya.”

His shoulder loosened up.

“But Marco would want you to take care of yourself. Let’s go home, and we’ll come back tomorrow.”

Reluctantly, I let Terrence guide me out of the hospital. Each step away from Marco felt like a betrayal, a further distance from the life we had planned together.

I am a nurse… but I couldn’t even heal him.

Tulala akong naglakad sa likod ni Terrence. Tanging ang palad lamang nitong nakakapit sa kamay ko ang nag-uudyok sa aking kumilos.

The cold night air hit me, a contrast to the suffocating atmosphere inside. Pakiramdam ko’y nabawasan ng kaunti ang bigat sa dibdib ko, pero hindi pa rin maalis ang sakit ng pagkawala niya.

As we walked to the car, I slowly glanced at Terrence.

“S-sorry… baka nakaabala ako sa ’yo.”

He shook his head firmly, stopping in his tracks to face me.

“Don’t apologize, Ethan,” he said, his eyes locking onto mine with an intensity I hadn’t seen for such a long time before. “You didn’t bother me. I’m here because I care about you.”

Napalunok ako, trying to hold back another wave of tears. His words were comforting, but I couldn’t shake the guilt I felt.

“…thank you.”

Tahimik kaming naglakad papunta sa kotse niya, and I couldn’t help but notice how silent Terrence was. Hindi siya nagsasalita, at tila malalim ang iniisip. I wanted to ask him what was on his mind, pero alam kong may mga bagay na hindi basta-basta sinasabi.

At isa pa, kahit alamin ko kung anong iniisip niya ay baka hindi ko rin maintindihan dahil hindi pa rin ako nakaka-recover sa mga nangyari.

As we drove through the quiet streets, I can’t help but to kept stealing glances at him. His jaw was clenched, and his eyes were fixed on the road ahead. There was a tension in the air, something unspoken that hung between us, filling the car with a heavy silence.

I should be the one distracted between us but… it seems like he’s also distracted as me.

“Uhm… Terrence,” I finally said, breaking the silence that had become almost unbearable.

“Is there… something you want to talk about?”

Napatingin siya sa akin saglit bago bumalik ang tingin sa daan. “No, Ethan, just…” he replied, his voice calm but distant.

“Just focus on yourself right now. I’m here for you, that’s what matters.”

I could see the flicker of concern in his eyes, the way his hands gripped the steering wheel just a little tighter. There was something he wasn’t saying, but I didn’t have the strength to press him. The weight of Marco’s loss was too much to bear, and I wasn’t sure I could handle whatever else was on his mind.

I nodded, although I could feel the distance growing between us. The warmth and comfort I had always found in Terrence’s presence seemed to be slipping away, replaced by a cold, creeping sense of isolation.

“…okay,” my voice barely audible over the hum of the engine.

We continued driving, the city lights casting fleeting shadows across his face. The streets were almost deserted, a stark contrast to the turmoil inside me. Sinandal ko ang likod ko sa seat, staring out the window, trying to make sense of everything that had happened.

Marco was gone, and no matter how much I wished otherwise… nothing could bring him back.

Beside me, Terrence drove on, silent and steady. I wanted to reach out to him, to bridge the growing chasm between us, but I felt paralyzed by my grief. The words I needed to say were stuck in my throat, trapped by the weight of my sorrow.

As we turned onto my street, I realized that the future I had envisioned with Marco was gone. I had to face a new reality, one without him, and I didn’t know if I was strong enough to do it. But I also knew that Terrence was right…

That I needed to focus on myself, to find a way to keep moving forward.

When we finally pulled up in front of my house, Terrence turned off the engine and looked at me.

“I’ll always be here for you,” he said softly, his voice breaking through the haze of my thoughts.

I managed a small, shaky smile.

“Salamat.”

As we sat there, the car now filled with a fragile sense of understanding, I felt a glimmer of hope. It wasn’t truly much, but it was enough to remind me that I wasn’t completely alone. And for now, that had to be enough.

But… is this really enough to cure the pain?

Chapter 12 : The Affair

Warning: explicit language and suicidal attempts.

. . .

12 : The Affair

Terrence’s POV

Despite my growing feelings for Ethan, I knew I had a problem to settle first. My own problem.

Kailangan ko munang ayusin ang buhay ko bago harapin ang panibagong yugto ng buhay ko. Hindi pwedeng basta ko na lang talikuran ang lahat ng pinagsamahan namin ni Bianca. We had history, memories, and plans for the future. Ngunit ngayon, parang nawala na ang lahat dahil… sa pagtataksil niya.

Bianca and I had been together for years. We had been there for each other. Our families were intertwined, and we had a shared dream of what our future would look like. Ang dami naming pinagdaanan, masaya at malungkot, pero nanatili kaming magkasama. That’s why it hurt so much when I found out she was cheating on me.

Is this… what Ethan felt when I chose her over him?

It was like any other day, except I decided to come home early from work when I caught Bianca. Pagpasok ko sa bahay, narinig ko agad ang mahihinang tawanan mula sa sala. My heart skipped a beat, but I shrugged it off, thinking it was just a friend visiting. But as I walked closer, I heard whispers and soft, intimate laughter.

Kaya naman pagdating ko sa sala ay nagulantang ako sa nakita ko.

Bianca was sitting on the couch, her legs draped over another man’s lap. His hand was slowly trailing up her thigh, and her fingers were playing with his hair. They were too close, too intimate.

My blood boiled as I watched the man lean in to kiss her neck, and she giggled softly. Hindi na ako nagdalawang-isip pa; my vision went dark with anger and betrayal. I confronted them right then and there.

“What the fuck are you two doing?” I demanded, my voice a mix of fury and pain. She turned quickly, her eyes widening in shock and guilt.

“T-Terrence…!” she looked so shocked and confused.

“Terrence… t-this isn’t what it looks like,” she stammered, pulling away from the man, but it was too late.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I growled at the man, stepping closer. He stood up, trying to look unbothered, but I could see the fear in his eyes.

“Stay out of this,” he said, attempting to act tough.

“Stay out of this? This is my house, and you’re in it with my fiancé,” I shot back, my fists clenched.

“Terrence, please, let’s talk about this calmly,” Bianca pleaded, her voice shaking. She reached out to touch my arm, but I quickly pulled away as if the touch of her hand was like fire on my skin.

“Calmly?” I laughed bitterly. “You have the nerve to ask for calm when I catch you cheating on me in our home?!”

Tears started to form in her eyes, her voice breaking. “I’m sorry. It was a mistake. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“It doesn’t matter,” I said coldly, glaring at the man beside her. “Get out. Now.”

He hesitated for a moment, then grabbed his jacket and left, avoiding my gaze as he passed. I turned back to Bianca, my heart pounding in my chest.

“Kailan pa?” I demanded, my voice low and dangerous.

“Terrence, it was just… a-a few times,” she sobbed, and my face immediately turned sour. I feel like I’m gonna puke.

“I… I was lonely, and you were always so busy with work–”

“So it’s my fault now?” I asked, my voice rising. “You chose to betray me, and now you’re blaming me for it?”

“No! that’s not what I m-meant…” she cried, but it was too late.

“We’re done, Bianca. I can’t do this anymore,” I said, my voice breaking. “I’m ending this relationship.”

I walked away, my heart shattering with each step.

Mahal ko si Bianca, at… totoo iyon. But the betrayal was too much to bear. Hindi ko akalaing magagawa niya sa akin iyon. I loved her. But now, I was left with shattered pieces of what once was.

It took some time to process everything.

After confronting Bianca and ending our relationship, I felt like a part of me had been ripped away. I tried to go through my days as if nothing had changed, but the weight of betrayal and heartbreak was a constant presence.

I would wake up in the middle of the night, my mind replaying the scene over and over again. The way her eyes widened in shock, the man’s smug expression, the sound of her voice trying to explain the inexplicable.

I even forced myself to get out of bed, go to work, and pretend that everything was fine the next morning. But inside, I was a mess. My mind was a whirlwind of emotions—anger, sadness, confusion.

Bakit… parang ang bilis lahat ng pangyayari?

I remember sitting alone in my car after work, unable to go home to the emptiness that awaited me. I would even drive aimlessly sometimes around the city, hoping that the motion would help me revert my focus.

Nando’n pa rin ang sakit. Just lurking beneath the surface.

Nights were the worst. Lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, the silence would amplify everything. The loneliness was suffocating, and I felt like I was drowning in my own thoughts. Sleep became an elusive escape, and I would toss and turn until exhaustion finally claimed me.

It took me a couple of days for the initial shock to wear off. Slowly, I started to find ways to cope. I threw myself into my work, taking on extra projects to keep my mind occupied. I started going to the gym more often, using physical exertion to numb the emotional pain.

But the healing process was slow and painful. There were times when I felt like I was making progress, only to be hit by a wave of grief that would knock me back down. I had to learn to accept that it was okay to feel broken, that it was part of the process.

Is this also… what… he felt when I did it to him?

No. This isn’t what he felt.

Because I am strong and that time, I… was supposed to be the one giving him strength. But I left him.

I left Ethan. All alone.

Eventually, I reached a point where I could think about Bianca without feeling the sharp sting of betrayal. And it was during this time that I heard about Marco’s funeral. The news hit me like a punch to the gut. I knew how much Marco meant to Ethan, and my heart ached for him.

To be honest, I never really liked Marco for Ethan. Not because Marco was a bad person, but I just felt like… I was finally replaced by him.

Dahil

dati, ako yung

nandiyan

para kay Ethan.

But I didn’t want Marco to end that way.

Just when Ethan was finally healing… now there’s another scar that will forever engrave in his mind.

I knew I had to see Ethan. I had to be there for him, even if I didn’t know how to navigate my own feelings. But life had a way of throwing curveballs, and my schedule as an engineer became more demanding than ever. Days turned into weeks, and I couldn’t find the time to visit Ethan.

Then, one day, I finally had a break. The relentless deadlines and back-to-back meetings that had consumed my life for the past few weeks suddenly lifted, giving me a moment of respite. As soon as I realized I had some free time, my thoughts immediately turned to Ethan. I hadn’t seen him since Marco’s funeral, and the guilt of not being there for him gnawed at me.

I grabbed my keys and rushed out of the office, my mind racing with thoughts of Ethan.

What if he was struggling more than I knew? What if he needed me and I wasn’t there? The drive to his place felt like it took forever, my heart pounding with each passing minute. Noong makarating ako sa bahay niya, he was nowhere to be found.

Baka may pinuntahan siya?

I was about to go home when I saw some of his neighbors were passing by coincidentally. I took the chance and asked if they’ve seen Ethan.

One of them mentioned something about him going to a nearby rooftop, a place he often went to clear his head.

Rooftop? But why…?

Panic surged through me as I sped towards the location. The closer I got, the more my anxiety grew.

The thought of him alone, grieving, and possibly in despair was almost too much to bear. I parked haphazardly and sprinted to the building, taking the stairs two at a time, my breath coming in ragged gasps.

I know where he is. It’s the rooftop of the hospital he’s working with Marco before. He told me about this place after chatting with him before.

The time I burst through the door to the rooftop, I froze.

There he was, standing perilously close to the edge, his back facing to me. The sight of him so close to the precipice made my heart stop. For a second, I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. All I could see was Ethan and his figure silhouetted against the skyline, the weight of his grief and pain evident in his slumped shoulders.

That moment, I feel like time has stopped. Hanggang sa namalayan ko na lamang ang sarili kong sumisigaw, my voice echoing across the empty rooftop.

Is he… going to jump?!

Fuck!

“ETHAN, NO!”

Chapter 13 : Another Chance

13 : Another Chance

Terrence’s POV

“Ethan! Please… no!”

The desperation and fear in my voice were palpable, and for a split second, I saw him flinch. He turned slowly, his eyes widened with shock and something else—perhaps relief… or maybe just recognition.

His face was a mask of anguish, and my heart broke all over again seeing the depth of his pain.

Ethan had always been the strong one, the one who faced the world with a smile despite the challenges he encountered. Seeing him like this, so vulnerable and broken, shattered me once again.

“T-Terrence…?” he whispered, his voice barely audible over the wind. Sobrang pula rin ng mga mata niya at halatang namumugto pa. He looked so lost. So utterly defeated.

I took a tentative step closer, my hands outstretched as if to reach him and to pull him back from the brink.

“Ethan, please… come away from the edge,” halos hindi na ako humihinga sa sobrang kaba na sa isang hakbang lang, mahuhulog siya.

“Pag-usapan natin ’to. We can figure this out together. Just… just don’t do this.”

He looked at me for a long moment, his expression a mixture of confusion and despair.

“Hindi ko na kaya… n-napapagod na ako…” he confessed, his voice breaking. “Everything hurts so much. I don’t know how to make it stop…”

My heart ached for him, and I felt tears prickling at the corners of my eyes.

“Ethan, you don’t have to go through this alone. I’m here now, and I’m not going anywhere. We’ll get through this together, I promise.”

Slowly, cautiously, I took another step closer, praying that he wouldn’t back away. “Please… please, Ethan.”

“Come back to me…”

Please come back in my arms.

He hesitated, his eyes searching mine for something—hope, reassurance, or anything to hold onto.

Before finally, he took a small step towards me, then another, until he was within reach. The moment our fingers touched, I wasted no second and grabbed his hand, pulling him into my arms, holding him tightly as if letting go would mean losing him forever.

He collapsed against me. Sa muling pagkakataon ay nagsimula itong humikbi at nagtakip ng mukha sa dibdib ko.

“Bakit lahat n-nalang…” hagulgol niya.

“G-gusto ko lang naman maging… m-masaya.”

“It’s okay, Ethan. Everything’s gonna be okay. I’ve got you. I’m here.” I held him tighter.

We stood there for like an eternity, just holding each other, waiting for our emotions to finally be at ease.

But later on, I found my own tears falling freely now. I am… crying?

Pinunasan ko ang mga luha ko at muling yumakap ng mahigpit kay Ethan. It felt surreal that I’m crying again after such a long time. But unlike me, Ethan’s going through it a lot harder.

Hinaplos ko ang likod nito at hinayaan siyang umiyak sa dibdib ko. It’s okay if my shirt gets wet because of his tears. Kailangan niya iyon. At least this time, he has to release it all to someone because all these years, he’s been crying in pain by himself.

And I know that I was one of the reasons why he was hurting so badly. I left him because of my stupid decisions in life. I hurt his feelings because of damn fucking lust. And now I’m paying for the consequences.

But Ethan doesn’t deserve the pain he’s feeling right now. That he was left behind by another loved one.

Yumuko ako at pinagmasdan ang mga mata nitong namumugto at nanghihinang nakakapit sa damit ko. My shoulder loosened..

Now, he has someone to hold on for the rest of his life. And I’ll make sure to never leave him again by himself. I know we had each other, and that’s enough to give us the strength to keep going.

I am not leaving his side again.

---

Inuwi ko si Ethan sa bahay niya. Although I really wanted to stay with him dahil hindi ako kumportableng iwan siyang mag-isa.

Pakiramdam ko, gagawin ulit niya ang bagay na iyon. The image of him on the rooftop haunted me, and I couldn’t bear the thought of him being alone tonight.

After losing everything, he can’t afford to lose himself. And I… can’t lose him too.

Pagdating namin sa bahay, there was a slight fear and uncertainty gnawing at me.

Paano kung ulitin niya iyon habang wala ako? Paano kung hindi ko siya mailigtas sa susunod? The thought of losing him sent a shiver down my spine. I tried to shake off the anxiety, but it clung to me like a shadow.

“Hindi na ako uuwi. Sasamahan kita sa bahay mo,” I said toughly, masking my fear with determination.

Dahil nahimasmasan na rin naman no’ng mga oras na iyon si Ethan ay bahagya siyang nahiya sa akin.

“Terrence, okay lang ako–”

“No. I’m staying with you tonight.”

His eyes widened in surprise, pero kalaunan din ay yumuko ito at napatango. I sighed in relief. Deep down, he knew he needed someone, but the guilt and shame were evident in his expression. Natahimik siya at muling sumunod na lamang sa paglalakad. Perhaps he sensed my own uncertainty and fear.

As we stepped inside his house, I couldn’t help but feel a pang of sadness. The place was a mess. Clothes were scattered all around. The dishes were piled up in the sink.

I’ve known Ethan to be always meticulous about his space, so seeing his place right now in such disarray was unsettling. It was a clear sign that he was neglecting himself.

“Pasensya na… magulo ang bahay,” he muttered. I shook my head and trying to hide the worries in my face.

“It’s fine. You don’t have to worry,” I said, attempting to sound reassuring. Nahihiyang tumango naman ito sa akin. Maya-maya’y pinaupo muna niya ako sa sala at nagpaalam na maglilinis ng katawan.

While Ethan was in the shower, I started picking up the scattered items and organized things as best as I could. I couldn’t just sit there and do nothing. I knew I had to keep myself busy, not just for his sake, but for mine too. I needed to feel in control, to fight the helplessness that threatened to overwhelm me.

As I moved around the kitchen, I found myself instinctively starting to cook. He probably hadn’t eaten a proper meal in days, and it was the least thing I could do. The familiar routine of cooking helped calm my nerves, even if just a little.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit masyado akong natatakot para sa kaniya ngayon. The thought of him earlier was just traumatizing for me I guess.

Nasa kalagitnaan ako ng pagluluto nang bumaba na si Ethan. Muling nagulat na naman ito nang makita akong nagluluto sa kusina.

“Terrence… a-ako na,” he said while walking towards the stove. “Hindi mo na kailangang gawin ’yan.”

“No, let me finish this. I want to,” saad ko bago nagpatuloy sa paghalo ng mga sangkap sa kawali. Tumahimik naman siya at saglit na pinanood ako sa ginagawa ko.

“… Marunong ka magluto?” pagbasag niya sa katahimikan.

Sandali ko siyang nilingon, kasabay ng pagsilay ng maliit na ngiti sa aking labi.

“Oo. I learned how to cook after we ended things up,” sabi ko.

“Natuto ako dahil noong kami ni… Bianca, hindi kami marunong parehas kaya nagpursigi ako.”

Bahagyang natigilan naman si Ethan habang nakikinig sa kwento ko. Even I went silent after telling what I said. Nang tuluyan na siyang hindi nakaimik ay palihim ko siyang sinilip sa reflection, at nakitang may lungkot at pagkalito sa kaniyang mga mata.

And for some reason, I felt like I had to say something about it. Why am I suddenly bringing that up? Damn it.

“We… broke up,” I finally announced, watching his reaction. His eyes widened in shock again.

“A-ano

“We just broke up the day na… tinawagan mo ako.”

Hindi siya sumagot. We sat down to eat, and the silence was thick with unspoken words. Habang kumakain, bigla siyang nagsalita.

“I’m sorry, Terrence. I didn’t know,”

Ngumiti ako ng bahagya at sinabing, “Ayos lang. Wala na sa akin iyon.”

Hindi pa ito naniwala sa akin matapos kong sabihin iyon. I could feel his gaze that he wanted to say something about me. Alam nitong magpapakasal na kami ni Bianca. We really are supposed to be happy right now.

… but our loved ones left us. Ethan was left hanging. And I… left my relationship for good.

Na para bang ayaw tuldukan ng tadhana ang aming mga kwento.

Napansin kong iniiba na lamang ni Ethan ang usapan matapos ang malalim na pag-uusap. Kung hindi lang ito nanggaling sa pag-iiyak kanina, baka iisipin ko nang may motibo itong iba sa akin. I shooked my head and chuckled at the thought.

This isn’t the time.

He even apologized for making me clean his house after eating. But I waved it off.

“It’s okay, Ethan. I wanted to help.”

When bedtime came, I offered to sleep on the floor beside his bed.

Mukhang nahiya naman siya sa sinabi ko at nagsabing siya nalang ang matutulog sa lapag dahil bisita niya ako. I sighed.

“No. I’ll just… take the couch instead,” pointing to the small couch in the bedroom. “Is that okay now?”

Kahit hindi niya sabihin sa ’kin, nakikita at nararamdaman ko pa rin ang pag-aalinlangan at hiya sa kaniyang mukha. I could see the conflict in his eyes, but he finally gave in.

“Sige… salamat, Terrence.”

I smiled.

“Anytime, Ethan. Just get some rest. You need it.”

As I lay on the couch, I watched him settle into bed. Nakikita ko ang pagod at hirap sa kaniyang mukha, but there was also a sense of relief. He looked at me one last time before closing his eyes, and I felt a pang of protectiveness and affection.

Hindi ko na siya pababayaan. Not now, not ever.

“Goodnight, Ethan,” I whispered, hoping he’d find some peace in his sleep.

“Goodnight…” tugon niya, his voice soft and grateful.

As the room grew quiet, I kept my eyes on him, watching his breathing steady. Ethan was safe for now, and that was all that mattered. With a final deep breath, I let myself relax knowing that tonight, he wouldn’t be alone.

And I’ll make sure that he’ll never experience it again.

Chapter 14 : Symphony

14 : Symphony

Ethan’s POV

I woke up to the sight of Terrence crouching on the sofa, his form curled up awkwardly as if he had been trying to find comfort in an impossible position. The dim morning light filtered through the curtains, casting a soft glow on his face. He looked so uncomfortable, and I felt a pang of guilt knowing he must not have slept well.

Hindi siguro siya nakatulog ng maayos.

His brows were slightly furrowed, and there was a shadow of fatigue under his eyes. The sofa wasn’t long enough for his tall frame, leaving his legs dangling over the edge. It was clear he had spent the entire night there, probably to keep an eye on me after everything that happened.

My heart ached at the sight. Terrence had always been there for me, through thick and thin. Seeing him like this, sacrificing his own comfort for my sake, made me realize just how much he cared. I quietly grabbed my blanket, careful not to make any noise that might wake him, and gently laid it over him.

He stirred slightly but didn’t wake up. I stood there for a moment, watching him. The gentle rise and fall of his chest, the way his lips parted slightly as he breathed. There was something incredibly tender about this moment, and I felt a mix of gratitude and sadness.

As I reached the bathroom, I couldn’t help but glance back one more time.

Kahit ang gulo-gulo ng buhok niya at mukhang pagod, ang gwapo pa rin nito sa pagtulog. Ngayon ko lang ulit siya nakita sa ganitong estado, and it made me realize how much he had been through for me. Taking a deep breath, I began my morning routine, determined to make it up to him somehow.

Nagtungo ako sa kusina pagkatapos. I decided to cook breakfast. Just as I was finishing up, Terrence came down to the kitchen. He saw me and gave me a small smile. I told him to sit down and eat.

“Salamat, Ethan,” he said, his voice soft. I returned his thanks with a warm smile. Kahit na medyo malungkot pa rin ako, pinipilit kong pasayahin ang sarili ko. Mas okay na ako ngayon dahil nakatulog ako ng maayos.

Dahil may napagsabihan na rin ako ng saloobin ko kahapon, kahit papaano ay gumaan ang pakiramdam ko. Terrence seemed to notice this and smiled gently.

“May pasok ka ba sa trabaho?” He asked.

I shook my head.

After breakfast, Terrence headed home, leaving me with a warm sense of gratitude. I decided to channel that feeling into something productive, so I started cleaning the house. The familiar routine of tidying up helped clear my mind. I swept the floors, dusted the shelves, and organized the scattered items in the living room.

Nang matapos ko ang paglinis ng kusina, I paused for a moment, wiping the sweat from my brow. The house was starting to look better, and I felt a small sense of accomplishment. As I was about to head to the bedroom to continue my cleaning spree, the doorbell rang.

Nagulat ako nang makita ko si Terrence standing at the doorway, now freshly dressed in a crisp shirt and jeans. His army hair cut was neatly combed, and he looked like he had just taken a shower. For a moment, I just stood there, blinking in surprise.

“Hey,” he greeted me with a warm smile. “I thought I’d come back and see if you wanted to go out for a bit.”

Napatitig lang ako sa kaniya, still processing his sudden appearance. “Terrence, you don’t have to–”

“I want to,” he interrupted gently. “Come on, it’ll be good for both of us. Let’s get out of the house for a while.”

Nakaramdam ako ng halo-halong emosyon. Part of me wanted to refuse, to stay in and continue cleaning, but another part of me was touched by his effort. Terrence had always been thoughtful before, and today was no different. His gentleness towards me, his patience… it all made my heart ache in the best way possible.

He suddenly reminds me of… him.

“Alright,” I finally agreed, a small smile forming on my lips.

“Just give me a minute to change.”

He nodded, and I quickly headed to my room to put on something more appropriate for going out. As I changed, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief and excitement. It had been a while since I’d gone out just to enjoy myself.

Pagbalik ko sa sala, nando’n pa rin si Terrence na naghihintay.

“Ready?” He asked, his eyes soft and encouraging.

“Yeah, let’s go,” I replied, feeling a bit lighter. We left the house together, and the warm sunlight immediately enveloped us after stepping out.

We wandered around town, visiting parks, browsing shops, and just enjoying each other’s company. Terrence was attentive, making sure I was comfortable and engaged the entire time. Every so often, I caught him looking at me with a gentle smile, as if making sure I was okay.

Habang naglalakad kami sa isang kalye, my eyes were drawn to a pet store. I paused, watching the kittens play through the glass window. There was something incredibly soothing about their carefree antics. Napansin ito ni Terrence at hinila ako papasok sa loob ng pet store bago pa man ako makatanggi.

“T-tumingin lang talaga ako…” I protested weakly, but he just smiled and urged me forward.

“Just pick what you like,” he said simply, his tone leaving no room for argument.

Napakagat-labi ako, knowing that arguing with him was futile. Terrence was stubborn in his own gentle way, and I could see in his eyes that he wouldn’t take no for an answer. After a moment of hesitation, I finally chose a big, fluffy orange cat. There was something about the cat’s laid-back vibe that reminded me of… Marco.

Just like the pet, he always had a calming presence.

The cat looked at me with curious green eyes, and I felt an instant connection. He seemed to sense my reluctance and gave a soft, reassuring meow. Terrence watched me with a patient smile, clearly pleased with my choice.

“Sigurado ka na ba?” tanong niya, though it was more of a formality. Tumango ako sa kaniya at ngumiti.

Terrence bought the cat without hesitation, his movements quick and efficient. He handled everything—from paying to getting the necessary supplies. While I just stood there, still processing what had just happened.

When he handed me the carrier with the fluffy orange cat inside, he had a satisfied grin on his face.

“There you go,” he said, his voice warm and gentle. “Welcome to the family, little guy.”

I looked down at the carrier. The cat’s eyes were peering back at me through the mesh.

Tumingala ako kay Terrence at nahihiyang nagpasalamat. He had already done so much for me, and this was just another example of his kindness.

“Walang anuman,” he replied, his eyes softening as he looked at me. “Gusto ko lang na mapasaya ka.”

For a moment, I felt a surge of warmth in my chest. It wasn’t just about the cat; it was about everything he had done for me, the way he had been there through my darkest moments. His presence was a steady comfort, a reminder that I wasn’t alone.

As we walked out of the pet store, the carrier swinging gently by my side, I couldn’t help but smile. Terrence glanced at me, his expression tender.

“Anong pangalan ng bago mong kaibigan?” He asked.

I thought for a moment, looking at the orange ball of fur.

“I think I’ll name him… Coco,” I said, the name coming to me naturally. It seemed fitting for a cat that radiated such warmth and comfort.

“Coco it is, then,” Terrence said, his smile widening.

We spent the rest of the day exploring the town. We went to a lot of places, parks, and strolled for a while. Pansin ko na mukhang nililibang talaga ako ni Terrence. Every time I looked at him, he was watching me with a gentle smile, making sure I was enjoying myself.

We ate lunch at a cozy café and visited a few more spots around town. Terrence seemed to have a knack for picking the best places; quiet parks, charming little shops, and hidden gems that I had never noticed before. As we walked through the streets, I truly couldn’t help but notice how gentle and attentive he was towards me the whole day. He made sure I was comfortable, often checking if I needed anything and letting me set the pace.

Pansin ko na talagang sinisikap niyang palibutan ako ng positibong enerhiya. Whenever I glanced at him, he was either smiling or looking at me with those soft, caring eyes. His presence was a constant reminder that I wasn’t alone in my struggles.

We eventually found ourselves in a quaint bookshop. Terrence picked out a couple of books, one of which he handed to me.

“I think you’d like this,” he said, his tone gentle yet confident. I took the book from him, touched by the simple gesture. It was a fantasy novel, the kind I used to love reading but had abandoned in recent years.

“Salamat,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. He just smiled and continued browsing, giving me space to do the same.

As the sun began to set, casting a warm, golden glow over everything, we decided to head home. Since Terrence didn’t bring his car, we walked back, the carrier with Coco swaying gently in his hand. The walk was peaceful, filled with a comfortable silence that spoke volumes. I felt a sense of contentment that I hadn’t experienced in a long time.

While walking, we passed by a street musician playing a soft, melancholic tune. Terrence paused for a moment, his eyes closing as he listened to the music. I watched him, noticing how the setting sun highlighted his features, making him look almost ethereal. When he opened his eyes, he caught me staring and gave me a small, knowing smile.

“Nice music, isn’t it?” He said, his voice soft.

“Yeah, it is,” I replied, feeling a warmth spread through my chest.

As we continued walking, the conversation flowed naturally. We talked about everything and nothing, our words weaving a tapestry of shared experiences and dreams for the future. It was in these moments that I truly appreciated Terrence’s presence in my life.

When we finally reached my house, the sky had turned a deep shade of blue, stars beginning to twinkle above us. I turned to Terrence, my heart full of gratitude.

“Salamat,” I said, my voice sincere.

“For what?” he asked, a curious smile on his lips.

“Sa lahat,” I answered and met his gaze. There was so much more I wanted to say, but the words seemed to escape me. Instead, I hoped he could see the depth of my gratitude in my eyes.

“Anytime, Ethan,” he said softly. Gusto ko sanang panoorin itong mauna umuwi pero mukhang walang balak talaga ito na umalis hangga’t hindi ako nakakapasok kaya nauna na ako. He waited until I was safely inside before heading back to his own place.

As I watched him walk away, I felt a sense of peace settle over me. Terrence and I had a long way to go, but today had shown me that we were on the right path. Amidst the chaos and heartbreak, we were finding our way back to each other, step by step.

Epilogue

00 : The Answer

One year had passed.

Hindi nila namalayan kung paano lumipas ang mga buwan. It was very slow at first, then suddenly felt like all at once.

Time didn’t heal everything.

But it softened the edges.

Sa loob ng walong buwan, unti-unting natutunan ni Ethan kung paano mabuhay nang wala si Marco.

And it wasn’t easy. Hindi siya isang biglaang paggising na okay na siya.

It came in waves.

May mga araw na kaya niyang ngumiti, makipag-usap, gumalaw na parang normal. At may mga araw na kahit pagbangon sa kama, parang sobrang bigat.

The grief didn’t disappear. It just… changed. From something sharp and suffocating… to something quieter.

Lingering.

A constant presence he had learned to carry.

And through all of it, he stayed.

Terrence stayed.

Hindi bilang kapalit. Hindi bilang solusyon.

Kundi bilang taong nandiyan lang.

Tahimik.

Matatag.

Consistent.

During those first few months, Terrence spent more time at Ethan’s place than his own. Hindi dahil pinilit niya. Kundi dahil pinili niya.

Some nights, he would fall asleep on the same couch he once awkwardly curled himself into, just like that morning a year ago. Other times, he would stay awake, listening to the faint sounds coming from Ethan’s room. Just making sure… he was still there.

Still breathing.

Still holding on.

Hindi na siya nagtatanong ng sobra. Hindi na rin siya nagmamadali.

Because he learned: he couldn’t fix Ethan.

He could only stay.

One afternoon, while Ethan was out running errands, Terrence found himself alone in the house.

Tahimik.

He didn’t mean to snoop. At hindi rin niya intensyon. But as he was cleaning, simple, mindless movements to pass the time, he accidentally knocked over a small box tucked beneath the coffee table. Napakunot ang noo niya.

He crouched down to pick it up. The lid had loosened, which made it slightly open.

And inside… were letters.

Dozens of them. Carefully folded. Some worn at the edges. Some untouched.

Terrence hesitated at first as it was Ethan’s things. Dapat ay hindi niya binubuksan o pinapakialaman ang mga ganitong bagay. He knows that clearly to himself dahil dati, ay ganoon din siya… kaya nga nahuli siya ni Ethan na may iba na.

But something about those letters pulled him in.

Slowly, he took one, and for some reason, his fingers felt… heavier than usual.

Parang may mali.

Parang may hindi siya dapat malaman.

But still, he unfolded it. And read.

“Dear, Terrence…”

His breath caught.

He read the subjects for the other letters, and found out it was all… for him.

Biglang nanikip ang kanyang dibdib.

He flipped to another letter, then another. Each one unsent, unspoken.

He tried to read just one of the letters, pero tumigil din ito kalaunan.

Dahil hindi na niya

kinakaya

ang mga

nakasulat

sa munting mga

papel

.

His hands trembled slightly as he held the paper. Hindi niya alam kung anong mararamdaman niya.

Guilt?

Pain?

Regret?

Siguro lahat.

Because while Ethan was writing these…

… he was somewhere else… choosing something else.

Missing everything that mattered.

Terrence pressed his lips together, his vision blurring.

“Ethan…” he whispered under his breath.

Too late. Everything felt was too late.

He carefully folded the letters back and placed them inside the box just as he found them. Hindi niya pwedeng ipaalam na nakita niya ’yon. Hindi niya pwedeng guluhin ’yung tahimik na proseso ng paghilom ni Ethan.

But from that moment on-something changed in him.

He became… gentler.

If that was even possible. Mas naging maingat siya. Sa mga salita. Sa mga kilos. Sa presensya niya.

Because now, he had seen another version of Ethan that suffered in silence.

The version he never noticed before.

And it stayed with him.

Every time Ethan smiled. Every time he laughed. Every time he said he was okay… Terrence couldn’t help but wonder how much of it was learned.

And how much of it

was real.

Still-he didn’t ask. Hindi niya pinilit.

Because this time, he knew better. That love wasn’t about demanding answers. Sometimes, it was about respecting the silence. And choosing to stay anyway even if…

…he wasn’t the one being chosen anymore.

---

Months passed after that. And slowly, things became… lighter. Hindi dahil nawala na ang sakit. Kundi dahil hindi na nila ito nilalabanan.

They learned how to carry it without letting it consume them.

Terrence and Ethan found a quiet kind of balance. Hindi na sila tulad ng dati.

Wala nang label. Wala nang pangako.

But they were… okay.

And somehow, that felt enough.

They talked. Not about the past, at least, not always. Mostly just about small things.

Coco’s growing attitude. Random stories. Work. Life. Minsan sabay nilang tatawanan ang mga bagay-bagay, minsan tahimik lang.

But the silence wasn’t heavy anymore. Hindi na ito awkward. It felt… steady in a way. Like something that didn’t need to be forced to exist.

Terrence stopped trying to fix everything.

He stopped chasing what they used to have.

Because he finally understood that love doesn’t always mean going back. Sometimes, it means moving forward… even if it’s not together.

And Ethan noticed that.

Napansin niya kung paano nagbago ngayon si Terrence. Mas kalmado, mas maingat, at mas totoo.

There were no more grand gestures. No more desperate attempts to prove something. Just… presence.

And for the first time, Ethan didn’t feel like he had to respond to it. Hindi na niya kailangang sumabay. Hindi na niya kailangang ibalik. He was just… allowed to simply breathe.

To exist.

To choose.

One afternoon, they found themselves sitting across from each other in a small café.

The kind of place they used to go to before everything fell apart.

Warm lights. Quiet music.

It was very familiar… very vague… but different.

Terrence watched Ethan for a moment. Not in the way he used to. Hindi na naghahanap. At hindi na rin umaasa. Just… appreciating.

The way Ethan looked lighter now. The way his shoulders weren’t as tense as before, the way his smile came easier.

“I’ve been thinking a lot,” Terrence said. Napatingin si Ethan sa kaniya at tahimik na nakinig.

“I still love you.”

No hesitation.

No fear.

Just honesty.

Ethan didn’t look surprised. Na tila ba matagal na niyang alam.

A small, soft smile appeared on his lips.

“Thank you for telling me, Terrence.” And this time… it didn’t hurt the same way.

Because Terrence wasn’t waiting for something in return.

Because he wasn’t asking. He just needed to say it.

Ethan rested his hand lightly against his cup.

“I used to think we had to fight for this,” he admitted.

“For us.” A small pause.

“Na kailangan natin ipilit, kahit masakit na.”

Terrence listened quietly.

“And maybe we did, at some point,” Ethan continued.

“Pero ngayon…”

He looked at Terrence fully.

Calm.

Certain.

“I think we’ve already done enough.”

Terrence didn’t realize he had been holding his breath until it slowly left his chest.

Parang doon pa lang nagsi-sink in lahat.

Hindi na sila.

Hindi na talaga.

And this time, hindi dahil sa galit, hindi dahil sa pride, hindi dahil sa impulsive decisions. Kundi dahil pinili na nilang… harapin ang katotohanan.

Ethan shifted slightly and steady his gaze on Terrence.

There was no hesitation now.

Wala nang alinlangan sa boses niya.

“I used to think,” Ethan started, quieter this time, “that if we loved each other enough, we could survive anything.”

A faint, almost ironic smile touched his lips.

“Na kahit anong mangyari, babalik tayo sa isa’t isa.”

Terrence felt his chest tighten. Because that used to be true.

That used to be them.

“Pero hindi pala gano’n,” Ethan continued, his voice not even shaking. Hindi na siya nagbibitaw ngayon ng mga salita na hindi niya pinag-isipan.

“Love doesn’t erase what happened. It doesn’t undo the damage.” He paused for a moment, letting it settle.

“Hindi niya binubura yung mga gabi na hindi ako makatulog kasi iniisip ko kung saan ako nagkulang, or kung bakit mas pinili mong lumayo kahit nandito naman ako.”

Terrence’s jaw tightened.

Hindi niya kayang kontrahin iyon.

Dahil totoo.

“I kept trying to understand you, even when it hurt.” Ethan said.

A small breath left him.

“Even when I had to shrink myself just to make things work.”

That line hit harder than anything else.

Terrence looked down, guilt creeping back in; quiet but suffocating.

“I told myself na baka kasalanan ko rin,” Ethan continued. “Na baka kung mas naging patient ako, mas naging sapat ako… hindi tayo aabot sa gano’n.”

He let out a soft, almost tired chuckle.

“Pero that’s the thing, Terrence.”

Slowly, his eyes met his again.

“You don’t destroy something good because someone wasn’t enough.”

A pause.

“You destroy it because you weren’t ready to take care of it.”

The words were calm.

Pero diretsong tumama.

There was no anger in his voice. No bitterness.

Just the whole truth.

Terrence felt it settle deep in his chest. Heavy. Unavoidable.

“I don’t hate you,” Ethan added after a moment.

And somehow-

That hurt too.

“Hindi rin kita sinisisi sa lahat,” he continued. “We both made mistakes.”

But then his expression softened, not in a way that invited closeness, but in a way that showed acceptance.

“Pero I can’t go back to being that version of me again.”

A beat.

“I can’t love you the way I did before… because that version of me didn’t know when to stop.”

Terrence slowly lifted his gaze, and for the first time… he understood, not just the words, but the weight behind them.

“I learned how to choose myself,” Ethan said.

Simple.

But it carried everything.

“And choosing myself means not going back to something that already broke me.”

Silence followed.

Not heavy this time.

Not suffocating.

Just… still.

Terrence swallowed.

His chest ached, but not in the same way as before.

Hindi na siya naghahanap ng paraan para baguhin ’yung desisyon ni Ethan.

Hindi na rin siya naghahanap ng butas para kumapit.

Because deep down, he knew. That Ethan was right.

“I’m not saying what we had didn’t matter,” Ethan continued, softer now. “It did. It still does.”

A small pause.

“You mattered to me. You still do.”

Terrence felt his fingers twitch slightly at his side. A part of him wanted to hold onto that. To keep it. To ask for more.

But he didn’t.

Hindi na.

“Pero some things are meant to stay where they ended,” Ethan said.

“Not because they weren’t real…”

His voice lowered slightly.

“…but because they already served their purpose.”

Terrence let out a quiet breath. Parang unti-unti nang lumilinaw ang lahat sa kaniya. Na hindi lahat ng kwento kailangan ng second chance.

Hindi lahat ng pagmamahal dapat ipaglaban hanggang dulo.

Minsan…

hanggang doon na lang talaga.

“Ethan…” he tried to talk, but he felt like there was a big lump on his throat.

“I’m grateful for you, Terrence,” Ethan said.

And this time, there was a faint warmth in his voice.

“Sa lahat ng natutunan ko. Sa lahat ng naramdaman ko.” It was a small smile. Gentle, but not lingering.

“You were a big part of my life.”

Terrence nodded slowly.

“And you still are,” he replied, his voice finally finding its way out. Mahina… pero buo.

Ethan didn’t respond immediately.

Pero hindi rin niya tinanggihan.

And that was enough.

For a moment, they just stood there. No rush. No need to fill the space. Just two people who once meant everything to each other…

…now learning how to exist without that.

Terrence looked at him one last time.

Tinanggap niya.

Lahat.

“Okay,” he said quietly.

No argument. No hesitation.

Just acceptance.

A faint smile formed on his lips. It was sad, but sincere.

“I understand.” And he did. More than he expected.

More than he wanted to.

Ethan studied him for a second, as if making sure. Then he nodded.

“Thank you,” he said.

Not for the confession.

Not for the love.

But for understanding.

“I’m okay now, Terrence,” Ethan smiled faintly.

Simple.

But it carried everything.

Terrence felt something settle in his chest.

It wasn’t pain, nor regret. Just… peace.

“I can see that,” he replied. And he meant it.

They stayed there a little longer.

Talking about small things.

Laughing, soft, easy laughter that didn’t feel forced.

For a moment, it almost felt like before. But not quite. Because this time, there was no pressure to hold onto it.

No fear of losing it. Just the quiet acceptance that this…

whatever this was…

was enough.

When they finally stood up, there was no heaviness in their steps. No lingering tension.

Just two people walking side by side, knowing they would eventually go their separate ways.

“Take care,” Terrence said.

Ethan nodded.

“You too.”

No promises.

But no regrets either.

Terrence walked first.

Not because he needed to leave, but because he knew how to. And this time, he didn’t feel like he was losing anything.

Because what they had didn’t disappear. It just… changed.

Ethan watched him go. Not with longing, not with pain. But with something softer.

Gratitude.

For everything they had been. For everything they had learned. For everything they survived.

And when Terrence disappeared into the crowd, Ethan turned the other way. Walking forward. Not looking back, because he didn’t need to.

For the first time in a long while…

…they weren’t holding onto each other anymore.

And maybe, that was the point.

Because sometimes, “just hold tight” doesn’t mean holding on to someone. It means holding yourself together even when things fall apart. It means trusting that you’ll be okay, even when you let go.

And as life moved forward,

as days turned into something softer, something new…

Terrence and Ethan carried the same truth in different ways.

They had loved.

They had lost.

They had learned.

And now,

they were finally ready… to live.

Not as two people trying to fix what was broken, but as two people who chose themselves, and found peace…

…in letting go.

. . .

The End .

Author’s Note

Date Started: June 18, 2024

Date Finished: July 05, 2024

Date Finished Revising: April 3, 2026

. . .

WARNING: MAY SPOILERS DITO SO IF YOU’RE NEW, PLEASE DON’T READ THIS NOTE. :)

FOR MY PREVIOUS READERS OF THIS STORY, PLEASE TAKE TIME TO READ THIS ANNOUNCEMENT. THANK YOU.

. . .

Time check: 10:34 PM. Friday.

Hi, everyone! The reason why I posted a note was to simply just say that I’m grateful you’ve been here with Terrence and Ethan’s journey till the end.

THANK YOU FOR READING JUST HOLD TIGHT!

I’ve finally finished revising this story after such a long time. And yes, I am fully aware of the comments and the insights regarding this story of Terrence and Ethan. Alam ko, maraming galit at hindi nagustuhan ang dating ending, and I know that it’s valid naman because even I was not really satisfied with the ending too. But the real reason back then is simply because… I always wanted to have a happy ending for everyone . And I guess maybe to the point that I can’t make a sad ending because ako mismo ang nasasaktan para sa mga characters ko, HAHA!

But now, I’ve made a bold decision to finally write the right ending for this story, and I hope you respect this new ending that I’ve written for Terrence and Ethan. Pinag-isipan ko ng masinsinan itong kwento nila bago ko baguhin ang daloy ng kanilang hangin. At gusto ko lang din sabihing hindi ko binago ang ending dahil lang nagm-message kayo sa akin at nag-iiwan ng masasamang salita dito sa akda ko, kundi dahil ito talaga ang totoong ending na dapat ay dati palang, tinuloy ko na. Kaya maraming salamat sa pag unawa.

Ang bawat salitang iniiwan niyo sa story na ’to ay lubos kong isinasaisip at isinasapuso dahil mahal ko ang lahat ng mga akdang isinulat ko. Kaya kahit below-the-belt man iyong sinasabi niyo ay tinatanggap ko, at humihingi ako ng tawad doon. Pero lagi ninyong tatandaan na hindi ako nagsusulat para lang sa inyong satisfaction. Nagsusulat ako dahil gusto kong i-explore ang aking kakayahan sa pagsusulat, and through that, I wanted you all to be invited in my journey by reading my stories. Anumang sulatin ko na hindi papabor sa inyo ay wala na akong magagawa. I write for myself, and if ever I write stories for my

“TRUE”

readers/followers, I always make sure that the story will always be wholesome, unlike this story.

I wrote this story when I was in my darkest days, and writing this helped me, and healed me to my worst version of self. So I thank you very much for taking the time to read my story, even though you didn’t like it or felt like reading my story was entirely a waste of time. Still, maraming salamat sa pagbabasa.

This is jseeyou, signing off.

. . .

Copyright © 2026 jseeyou