Chapter One

(A/N This story might be seen as a little unconventional but I think it will have a point behind it. There will be sex, mature language and possibly other things. Sex will be an important part of the story so I’m begging you, please don’t read it if sex, especially BoyxBoy makes you uncomfortable. Thanks! ~MacBeka)

I was halfway through my second year of college and the time had come again for me to debate whether I should be here. I was twenty-five years old surrounded by a load of sixteen and eighteen year olds. I’d left school as soon as I could; I hated it. I managed to find a few jobs that kept me awake all round the clock because I could hardly afford the rent for my tiny flat. The bar work was good but I didn’t always go home with the amount I wanted; the waiting tables in a restaurant wasn’t amazing… I was harassed by my boss every shift. He seemed to think that just because I was a young guy in need of work he could do whatever he wanted to me. He didn’t care if I was gay or not, he just went ahead and did it anyway, and I was so desperate for the job I didn’t say anything about it. The cleaning in the nights was the worst; badly paid and long hours.

Eventually I got chatting to some woman on the bus and I just blurted out all my problems to her… She just listened and let me cry on her shoulder. She asked me why I didn’t go to college if it was so bad, and that got me thinking. I started looking online in an Internet café at local colleges and found a couple with courses I was interested in and applied for a grant. I got it, and thought I was dreaming… A three year course paid for in full. Of course there would be the debt afterwards but I could deal with that. I kept my job at the bar and-

“Kaidan!” A hand clamped down on my shoulder, making me jump. I looked up and Sam was stood beside me, his green eyes glittering as they always did. “What are you doing?”

“I’m supposed to be revising for that test next week but I just can’t,” I replied, sighing frustratedly.

“Seriously, you need to relax, Kai. Why don’t you come clubbing with me and the guys tonight? It’ll get your mind off this damn test, eh?”

“Clubbing? No, Sam, I don’t think…”

“You never know, you might find a pretty girl! How long’s it been since you got laid?”

Never, I replied in my head. I was a complete and utter virgin… And gay, but nobody knew any of that.

I shrugged noncommittally. “I don’t know,” I replied casually.

Sam rolled his eyes. “Whatever. You could have any girl you wanted.” He put an arm around my shoulders and gestured all around the library, despite the fact it was nearly empty. “Just come tonight, please. You might enjoy it.”

I sighed, knowing I wasn’t going to win this fight. “What type of club?”

Sam grinned triumphantly. “Just some local nightclubs. We’re gonna get so hammered.”

I didn’t bother replying. Sam didn’t know that I was struggling for cash. I could just about afford to feed myself every day, let alone go out drinking. But nobody needed to know that.

“Fine, whatever. I’ll go.”

“Yes! The guys will be so thrilled. We’ve not had you with us for ages!”

Sam sped away, ignoring the glares he was getting. His enthusiasm was so typical for a nineteen year old. I had a feeling that the guys we hung out with didn’t even like me. I was five years older than most of them and that was ‘uncool’ apparently. Sam and I were only friends because we sat next to each other in class and lectures.

I sighed to myself and stood, packing away my things into my bag and left the library quietly, heading back to my flat to try and find something decent to wear.

(A/N I’ll be the first to admit this chapter is a little boring but the story will soon pick up do bear with me :) Photo to the side is Chace Crawford, how I see Kaidan. This chapter is dedicated to OmnipotentSadist, who writes some of the most amazing stories and is a fellow cat lover ~MacBeka)

Chapter Two

(A/N Photo to the side is Asher Book, the actor I think looks like Sam, Kaidan’s friend ~MacBeka)

After sorting through my pitiful wardrobe and finding a few outfits that would be alright for a night out, I discovered all sorts of holes and problems in the stitching so most of it went straight back into the cupboard without a second thought.

Once I’d finished with the whole palaver, all I was left with was a pair of black skinny jeans with tears in and an old grey t-shirt, both thankfully stainless. I dressed in them with a sigh and pulled on some old red sneakers. Thankfully they still fit; they were the only other pair of shoes I owned.

The mirror revealed the stupidity of the colours I was wearing. Nothing matched, let alone the red sneakers… It would have to do. It was better than nothing.

A glance at the clock said it was time to go and I grabbed my mostly empty wallet and left the flat, not even bothering to lock it behind me. There was nothing of value in there anyway. Not even a TV or computer.

I shivered slightly when I got outside, damning the thin t-shirt. I almost jogged to the pub where Sam said he’d meet me with ‘our’ friends. True to his word, he was sat in the pub garden, a half-finished pint in hand already.

“Kaidan!” He turned to his friends and giggled slightly before getting up and coming to meet me on the path. “Hey! You ready for an awesome night?”

“Yeah…” I replied unenthusiastically.

“It’ll be great!” He clapped me on the shoulder and took my hand before dragging me back to the table.

I was greeted by some grumpy guys, who were silenced with a glare from Sam. They all quickly replaced their scowls with smiles.

“Everyone’s here, we ready then?” one of them said, I wasn’t paying attention to who.

“Yeah!” Sam exclaimed, clumsily putting his glass down so it spilt all over the bench and the stranger next to him. Neither of them seemed to notice.

Sam jumped up and looped his arm through mine before dragging me off. Everyone in our group laughed and got up, following us.

“Sammy, you’re so gay!” one of the actually nice guys, Neil, laughed.

I couldn’t help my small smile.

“Dude!” Sam exclaimed, making a sound of disgust. “Hell no, that is so gross!”

I had to join in with the laughter but my heart sank. Sam, my best friend, was homophobic… I decided I’d hide in my closet a little longer.

---

“A strip club!?” I practically shouted as we turned the corner. I dug my heels into the pavement but apparently rugby players are quite strong and managed to drag me with them.

“Of course!” Sam grinned at me. “We’re gonna get you laid!”

“No! No, no, no, no, no!” I kept repeating my mantra, as if it would stop our progression towards the strip club.

The others laughed and just kept dragging me. Eventually I sighed and resigned myself to my fate of… Breasts. Was there a worse way to spend the night? I walked beside my ‘friends’ as we were allowed entrance by the bouncer, my body tense.

As soon as we walked in, there was just… Boobs… Boobs everywhere… At least there were no… downstairs lady bits on display. I’d have nightmares. Everyone ran off, mesmerised by the half-naked women. I forlornly made my way to the bar and just sat down, practically sulking.

I felt almost bad as I turned away the girls offering private dances, before I remembered that I’d most likely throw up afterwards, or worse: during. I ordered the cheapest drink there was, which was just lemonade, which was fine by me. I didn’t even see any of my friends around, which was also fine by me. They’d only pressure me into a private dance…

I noticed after a while that there were quite a few non-naked women wandering around the place. Had we turned up on a lesbian night or something? Wouldn’t surprise me if Sam planned that to be honest. I managed to zone in just at the end of an over-speaker announcement, but only heard the slight static as it was turned off. Suddenly the lights were dimmed until it was just a spotlight on the centre stage of the pole dancing. Some music started playing and some guy walked on.

Wait… A guy… A. Male. Stripper?! A male stripper… And he was fucking HOT!

(A/N Bit more of an interesting chapter I hope XD Next chapter will be… Interesting to say the least…. But you’ll have to wait and see ;) This chapter is dedicated to TheHalfBloodPrince36 who writes some stories that are emotionally touching while still being uber sexy, and has given me a lot of inspiration for stories ~MacBeka)

Chapter Three

(A/N Chapter dedicated to HaleyDea15 for some really hot stories XD Photo to the right is Dominic Cooper, who I think, looks like how I imagine Jay :) ~MacBeka)

I was mesmerised as I watched the guy dance on the small circular stage, a pole in the centre of it. He swung around it and hung off it, swishing his ass around the air and I swear to God I had to stop myself from drooling over him…

His skin was perfect, flawless, despite looking a little blue under the spotlights. His hair was black and mainly slicked back with gel or hairspray, a few strands brushing his forehead. That face… I closed my eyes and it was burnt into my mind. There was smoky makeup around his eyes, making them look larger, and his lips were coated in a sinful red.

There were some shouts from the girls around, cheering. I wasn’t paying any attention to them, my focus was entirely on that guy up there… I couldn’t look away, not even when some girl was offering to buy me a drink. After a couple songs played and he just kept dancing, his lithe body swinging around the pole. When the final song stopped and he posed, hanging off the pole, I felt my stomach flutter slightly. I didn’t want him to stop; I’d never see him again.

He dropped down, landing on his heeled thigh-high boots, and bowed, blowing a kiss as he turned to walk back off the stage.

“Jay, everybody! He’ll be back the same time, same day next week,” the announcer said before the crackle of static came again and the voice disappeared, the girls getting back up onto the stages around the club.

I turned around on my bar stool slowly, picking up my drink and draining it completely. I rested my elbows on the bar and dropped my head into my hands and suddenly became painfully aware of the raging erection I was sporting in my jeans. I bit my lip, looking down at it.

I’d never been this hard before… I had to do something about it before it got painful. I stood up carefully, beginning to make my way to the bathroom, weaving my way through dozens of guys and trying not to touch the only semi-clothed ladies. Finally I managed to duck into the mens’ and fortunately it was empty. I went into the stall on the end and put the sit down before sitting down on it.

I hesitated before unzipping my jeans. I’d never done this in a public place before… Nervously I took my erection out of my old boxers and gasped slightly at the touch of my hand. I bit my lip and began to stroke myself. It wasn’t long before I was bleeding from my lip; I was biting it so hard to stop my moans. Eventually I came messily onto my hand and boxers, groaning slightly, my head falling back on my neck.

I was stuck still for a minute, just holding onto myself before I finally let go and got some toilet paper to clean myself up. Blushing I dropped it into the toilet, sorted my jeans out and flushed it. I quickly checked myself over and once I was sure I was decent, I left the stall.

Going to the sinks, I saw some guy also there. Blushing slightly, I washed my hands in silence. A quiet chuckle brought me from my thoughts, also bringing my head up. My face fell slack as I was looking into those beautiful brown eyes… Jay, my mind whispered, as if I needed reminding.

I was stood, frozen, underneath his gaze, my hands still under the automatic tap. Even when it went off I didn’t move. He chuckled again and took hold of my hand, lifting it to him. I could only watch in wonder. I realised he was taking his makeup off, but this thought didn’t even enter my head until later that evening.

Jay lifted my hand to his mouth. My heart was racing. I watched in wonder as a wonderfully pink tongue snuck out from between his lips and licked off a remaining bit of come from my wrist, making my face turn bright red.

“Have fun, cutie?” he asked, his voice deep, as he let go of my hand.

I turned and ran out of there as fast as I could, bumping into a group of younger guys. I apologised quickly and ran back to the bar, hoping he… Jay…. wouldn’t come out after me.

I took a few deep breaths to calm my racing heart, although it did nothing to help the fact I was hard again.

(A/N Hope you enjoyed the chapter :) Oooh, what’ll happen next? ~MacBeka)

Chapter Four

(A/N Time for another chapter! Sorry it’s been a while, been doing a lot of babysitting. Don’t have a photo for this chapter ;D This chapter’s dedicated to EnigmaWings for her story Savior or Prisoner, one of the most tear-invoking stories I’ve ever read while still perfect ~MacBeka)

I woke up - thankfully - in my own bed the next morning, groaning slightly. God… Who knew I’d ever jerk myself off so many times over someone who I’d only met the night before and hadn’t even spoken to.

Every time I closed my eyes, I saw him as he was in the bathroom, half of his makeup off and licking his lips. I glanced down at my naked body and relaxed when I saw a lack of erection. I was exhausted from the night before.

In the end I left alone, only a few minutes after my encounter in the bathroom, not even going to find my friends. I got a cab home, finding I could just about pay the fare. I’d burst into the flat and locked the front door, quickly stripping and taking hold of myself.

I closed my eyes briefly, remembering. I took a deep breath and rolled onto my side, half expecting to see Jay lying right there. I was almost disappointed when he wasn’t.

I got up and went to the bathroom, jumping in the shower. Standing under the warm spray, I sighed, rolling my shoulders.

What was I going to do?

Trying to pay attention in class was getting a whole lot more difficult throughout the day. All I could think about was Jay... I was never going to see him again and the only time I could stop thinking about him was when I was thinking about money.

Sighing to myself, I made my way towards the library for one of my free periods. I was supposed to be studying, but I could hardly concentrate in lessons, let alone on my own. I thought about searching for Jay, but thought better of it. I didn't want to get an erection in the middle of the library...

Instead, I thought about my other worries... Money. Easy ways of making money. I'd typed it in before I'd even thought about it. I saw some idiot suggestions on the first couple pages but I just kept scrolling through the pages. Eventually I came across some blog and clicked on it, curious. The background of it was black and red, the font elegant and curly.

I scrolled through the most recent posts, getting absorbed in them. They were all about this girl's jobs as an 'adult entertainer'. She was a stripper, pole dancer, and even a pornstar... She was talking about how she got loads of money just from using her body. She even gave the number and website of her agency... I couldn't stop myself from clicking the link. There were pictures of men and women all over the page. I clicked the page titled 'Genres', and it ranged from softcore, romance stuff to hardcore, full-on scenes. There was straight sex, lesbian, gay, BDSM, mature, barely legal, Asian, Latina, interracial, bareback, scenario, group, the list went on and on.

I completely forgot I was in a public place and just kept scrolling, through their pages, finding a page of their most popular actors and actresses, as well as a number to call if you were interested in joining them...

I sat back and stared at the page for a while. Was this something I was willing to do? Was this something I'd be able to do? I was a completely virgin to everything sexual and I was thinking about porn as a way of making money... It sounded ridiculous, completely and utterly stupid...

I sighed to myself and wrote the number down on a sheet of paper, shoving it into my backpack. I went back to the homepage, deleted my history and logged off. I glanced at the clock. It was time for one of my lessons...

(A/N Oooh! What will Kaidan choose?! ;) Will post next chapter ASAP! ~MacBeka)

# Chapter Five

(A/N Neeeeww chaaapteeeer! :D This chapter is dedicated to consultingmoonwalker for her awesome, sexy-as-fuck Johnlock stories ~MacBeka)

I was lying on my bed, thinking about my discoveries today. Could I really do that sort of thing...? Porn? Using my body like that? Sighing, I looked at the little Post-It with that number on. I really needed some advice... But who could I ask? I sighed again. This was impossible.

I didn't have a mobile, or a landline... So how would I call them in the first place? There was a phone box just outside the block of flats... That could work... I had a few coins that I could use to call them with. I glanced at the old clock on the wall. Only four o'clock, I still had time if I wanted to ring.

I sat up and looked around the room. I couldn't live like this anymore, with nothing but scraps. I could hardly afford food, let alone the bills. My job at the bar wasn't enough and I didn't have the time or energy for another job. I needed this. I had to do something and this little Post-It might just be my ticket.

Standing, I grabbed my wallet and slipped my shoes on, heading down the stairs to the phone box outside. I slid inside it and stared at the numbered buttons. I took a deep breath and put the coins in one by one before shakily typing in the digits of the phone number. As it began to ring, my heart picking up, racing.

"Hello?" the voice on the other end said.

I was suddenly torn between talking and hanging up.

"Hello? Can I help you?" the voice said again, a hint of annoyance staining his tone.

"H-Hi, I'm looking for Mr., uh..." I looked down at the Post-It. "Mr. Coulson?"

"Ah," he said, a smile in his voice. "Well you've found me. From the shakiness of your voice I would guess that you're looking for a job in my agency."

"Um, yeah... Yeah, I-I guess I am," I replied cautiously.

"Well we can talk over the phone about it all and risk you hanging up or we can meet in person. I'd prefer in person if that's alright."

"Uh, yeah, sure. Where?"

"I think you'd be more comfortable if you chose. Can I ask your name and age?"

"I-I'm Kaidan Pearson, I'm 25," I told him, relaxing a little.

"Brilliant. We like our boys legal, Kaidan, I just got to check," he chuckled.

I blushed and nodded before remembering he couldn't see me.

"Oh, yeah, I understand that..."

"So, when and where shall we meet, Kaidan?"

"How about tomorrow?"

"Sure, tomorrow's fine, I'm free all day. Where?"

"There's a cafe, near my flat, uh, I guess we could meet there."

He laughed. "That's alright, where is it?"

I rattled off the postcode, twirling the phone cord round my fingers.

"About... 11? Tomorrow morning."

"Sounds good. I'll have a red beanie on so you know it's me."

"Okay, thank you Mr. Coulson."

"Kaidan, call me Rob, please."

"Okay... Rob," I said, smiling a little.

"I'll see tomorrow, at 11, and we can get down to business. Is that okay?"

I blushed to myself. I was really doing this...

"That sounds good, thanks."

"Alright, we'll talk tomorrow then. Bye Kaidan."

"Bye Rob." I hesitated before hanging the phone back on its hook and taking a deep breath.

Looks like I had a job interview...

(A/N Oooh, what'll happen? ;) Will Kaidan decide to be a pornstar or not? ;D Next chapter ASAP ~MacBeka)

# Chapter Six

(A/N This chapter is dedicated to Railene for her brilliant GirlxGirl stories ~MacBeka)

Shit, shit, shit, shit!

"Idiot!" I yelled at myself as I ran out of the flat. I was late. I hadn't slept much because I was so nervous, excited, terrified, anxious - I didn't even know the number of different emotions that were running through my mind during the small hours of the night.

The sun was coming up by the time I'd eventually managed to fall asleep and I'd slept right through my 9 o'clock alarm to point where it was 10 past 11 and I was only just sprinting out the door to my apartment block. Thank God the cafe was only a five minute walk away. If I ran I could get there in two minutes. I started running.

I didn't even know what I was wearing... Such a great first impression... But hopefully Rob Coulson would see past that. If I explained to him, I'm sure he'd understand.

I burst into the cafe, practically panting, turning quite a few heads. I blushed and shut the door behind me, walking in. I cast my eyes around the building and saw a red beanie hiding behind a menu. I took a deep breath and went over to see the man there chuckling to himself. I blushed even more, fiddling with the hair behind my ear.

"Uh, Rob...? Rob Coulson?"

"Good evening, Kaidan," he chuckled and sat back in his chair, taking the beanie off. He gestured to the seat opposite him so I sat down, my cheeks scarlet with embarrassment.

"I'm really sorry, I was so nervous last night that I didn't sleep so-" He cut me off by holding a hand up. I shut my mouth immediately.

"No harm done, Kaidan, just calm down," he smiled reassuringly.

I relaxed in my chair and took a few moments to study him. He looked a lot younger than I'd imagined; mid-thirties, forty at most. I'd imagined some creepy old voyeur guy who just liked watching people have sex. His hair was simply... Awesome. Some scene haircut that swept across his forehead and fell straight to his chin in layers. Platinum blond too... Dyed or natural, I couldn't tell. He looked slightly Asian but his name wasn't Asian at all...

"My Japanese grandmother married an American," he told me, as if sensing my thoughts.

I blushed again. I shouldn't be thinking about his private life.

"Kaidan, if you can't stop blushing at these little things, we're not going to do very well with the rest of the conversation." He grinned.

"Right, yeah, sorry... Just nervous," I muttered.

"Don't worry. I'm guessing this is the closest you've ever been to adult entertainment," he said, smiling reassuringly.

I nodded slightly. "I got dragged to a strip club the other day but... Yeah."

"Never watched porn?"

I fought the urge to blush and shook my head.

"You've been to a strip club once, so... Ever done any webcam?"

"I-I don't understand..."

Rob's eyes were kind as he nodded. "Don't worry, I'm sure someone will tell you if you really want to know. Have you ever masturbated?"

Oh my God, these were getting personal... I had to close my eyes as I remembered the night after the strip club. Jay... Just his name sent shivers down my spine. I opened my eyes, breathing deeply. I nodded and he grinned.

"When was the last time you had sex?" he asked. It was only then that I noticed he was noting down my answers, making a few little notes around them.

"Um, I... I've never..." I blushed more and looked down at the table. His head shot up to look at me.

"You're a virgin?" he asked disbelievingly. I nodded slightly and looked up at him briefly. "Wow... Are you sure you're up for this sort of thing then?"

"I've thought about that and... As long as my first time isn't on camera, I'm sure I'll be fine," I replied. This had been the main thing in my thoughts last night.

"Sure, okay, I'm sure we can do that. What's your sexual orientation?"

The question took me by surprise and I blinked at him as if he were speaking French.

"Oh, uh, gay..."

He nodded and noted it down. "Out or not?"

"Sorry?"

Rob smiled slightly. "Are you out of the closet or still hiding?"

"Oh right, definitely hiding. Very far in..."

He nodded again. "I know someone that'll look after you for your first time. He might even teach you a couple things, I don't know. He's quite experienced, you name it he's probably done it. There are some girls you can talk to as well if you'd prefer. What do you think about that?"

I sighed with relief and nodded. "That sounds okay."

"Of course, I'm sure you'd get to know each other before you jumped straight into it. But anyway, we'll talk about that later. Seeing as you're a virgin, I won't be needing to ask you half of these questions..." He flicked through his notebook, thinking.

I fiddled with my fingernails while I waited to be asked something else. 

(A/N Hope you liked the chapter! Will be posting next chapter right away ~MacBeka)

# Chapter Seven

(A/N This chapter is dedicated to NoPressureJustBoxers for her amazing stories, including Mr. Tattoo and The Art of Seducing My Older Brother ~MacBeka)

"Hm... STIs, nope..." He muttered to himself for a few moments before sitting back. "Ah, here we go. We can talk preferences now or we can discuss that in a week or so if you want, after you've been... Acclimated to our way of life."

I blushed, understanding his meaning. "Now is fine, I guess."

He nodded. "We'll compare your answers to make sure. Have you looked at the list of genres on our website?" I nodded. "I'm just going to ask you which ones you'd be willing to do, okay?"

"That's fine." I took a deep breath, preparing myself.

"Seeing as you've already told me you're gay, I won't bother asking about straight or gay scenes. What about mature?"

"What is that exactly?"

"Well the version that would apply to you is your partner being significantly older than you." I shuddered and he chuckled, nodding. "No to that then. What about barely legal?"

"Let me guess, the other person is barely legal?"

He grinned. "You're getting the hang of this. So what about it?"

"I don't know..."

Rob nodded. "I'll put a maybe to that. What about with guys with large... Downstairs?"

I blushed again, bright red. "Wouldn't that hurt...?" I asked awkwardly.

"Maybe. Depends. Again, maybe. We'll just see how you go. Interracial?"

"Sure, I guess."

"Okay then. What about... BDSM?" He looked up at me slightly, as if he was anxious.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Well there's a few different definitions for it but it's basically bondage - being tied up, handcuffed, et cetera, domination and sadomasochism." I looked at him blankly and he smiled slightly. "Pain, being hit, whipped, that sort of thing."

I shook my head quickly. "No, definitely not."

"Okay, no pain, but what about the bondage side?"

"I guess that's fine..." Being tied up was hardly anything major... I think.

"What about domination? Being dominated because, well, it's quite obvious you're a bottom." I didn't even bother to ask what he meant.

"Maybe, I don't know, I'll have to look into it..."

He nodded understandingly and turned the page in his notebook.

"What about bareback?" He didn't wait for me to ask. "That means no condom."

"No," I said quickly.

"Okay, that's understandable."

The questions seemed to go on and on and on... Eventually my mind was exhausted and I was rethinking the whole thing. Too late now really.

"Kaidan? Are you okay?" Rob asked, looking at me over the top of his forkful of the cake we'd ordered ten minutes previously.

"Yeah, sorry, this is all just... Overwhelming."

He nodded slightly. "I was in your position once, you know."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah, couple years ago. Of course, when I was doing it, it was very much more 'throw you in at the deep end', that sort of thing. We're one of the only agencies that does such thorough questioning," he told me proudly.

"Wow..."

Rob checked his phone as he finished his cake and opened a text message.

"I've got a hold of that guy I was telling you about. He's agreed to take you under his wings. What's your phone number so I can pass it on to him?"

"Oh, I... Uh, I don't have a phone - mobile or landline."

This didn't seem to bother him at all. He reached into his small backpack and got out a box and a little envelope. He put them on the table and slid them over.

"Phone and SIM card," he announced.

I stared at him in surprise. "Rob, I can't take this. I can't accept this from you."

"Kaidan, I could buy you a small car with the amount of spare change lying around my house. A crappy little Nokia isn't even going to make a dent in it so just relax and take the phone."

"I-"

"As your future employer, that is an order."

I looked at him hesitantly and reluctantly slid the envelope and box back towards me, putting it in my pocket.

"Set it up as soon as you get home and I'll text you. You can expect a call from your tutor too. He'll want to introduce himself so I wont do that for him. He's trustworthy, I've been working with him for years." He checked his watch. "I need to go now, I've got a shoot to supervise. It was great to meet you, Kaidan. I'll be in touch."

He stood so I automatically stood too, shaking his hand when he offered.

"It was great to meet you," I said.

"And you," he replied. He smiled and slung his backpack over a shoulder, striding out. I looked after him as he left and sat down again slowly.

Jesus Christ, what was I getting myself into? 

(A/N Three chapters in a day, aren't you lucky?! ;D Not sure when the next chatter will be up. Hopefully soon, finally past the dull introduction to the story >.< Hope you guys are enjoying it and these two chapters weren't too... Weird. Comment! I'd love some feedback :D ~MacBeka)

# Chapter Eight

(A/N This chapter's dedicated to colorfuldays for the fucking awesome, sexy and generally amazing stories she writes that words cannot do justice to ~MacBeka)

Sitting on my bed, staring at my first ever own phone, I could hardly speak because of the shock I was in. I took a deep breath and took the phone out of its box. I got the charger and plugged it into the nearest socket, only to find the phone was already fully charged. I took the back off it and got the SIM card out of its coloured envelope, carefully slipping it into the space inside the phone. I put the battery back in and secured the back on again. I turned it over and turned it on.

I sat and just stared at it again, until it's first beep made me pick it up. There was a text message. I opened it.

'Hello Kaidan. I have passed your number onto Mr. Laycock, and he's assured me he'll be in touch shortly. Save this number. From Rob'

I did as I was told and saved the number to my phone. I couldn't believe it... I had a job, and a phone... This was an eventful day. I glanced at the clock on my wall. Shit, I was going to be late for my class, the only class of the day too.

I scrambled off the bed, grabbing my shoes and dragging them on. I looked around, grabbed my rucksack and hesitated before getting the phone too, slipping it into my pocket. If I got a call from this Mr. Laycock, I didn't want to make a bad first impression by missing his call.

Hurrying down the stairs, I burst out into the street and for the second time in the day, set off running.

Thankfully the college wasn't too far from the flat and I made it just in time. Signing in at reception quickly, I hurried to the lecture theatre and quickly found a seat at the back on my own. I pulled my notepad and pens out from my backpack, getting ready for the lecture.

For the first time in a long time, it was quite interesting and I managed to pay attention for nearly the whole hour, except for the constant checking of my new phone of course.

Thankfully I hadn't got a call so far and when the lecture was over, I was called down to the front by the lecturer. I frowned and quickly gathered my stuff, going down to talk to him.

"Hey Kaidan. You were quite distracted in class yesterday but you ran off before I could talk to you. I just wanted to check everything was okay," he said, smiling.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that, sir, I was just having trouble concentrating in all my lessons yesterday," I replied.

"Are you sure that's all? You know I like to help my students."

I nodded. "I've just been having money worries. I think I can stop worrying about them though."

"Well that's good. I just wanted to make sure this was still what you wanted, because your grades have been slipping."

Shit, really? If they slipped, I wouldn't be able to keep my grant. He seemed to notice my panicked expression and smiled, patting my arm.

"Don't worry, Kaidan. A bit of extra effort from both of us and you'll be back on track. I have faith in you."

"Thank you, sir..."

"I'm glad you think the money troubled have gone away, but just make sure you've still got time to study," he said, raising his eyebrow. I hadn't thought about that...

"I will, don't worry." I tried to smile reassuringly. Whether it worked or not, I don't know.

He nodded, seeming convinced, and dismissed me. I rushed out as quickly as I could without looking weird. I took a deep breath and signed out, leaving. I checked my phone again and saw an incoming call. I stopped walking suddenly. What did I do?

I answered it and slowly lifted it to my ear. "H-Hello?" I said into it.

"Kaidan Pearson?" said the voice on the other end in a bored tone, as if I were an inconvenience.

I froze at that voice... That wonderful voice...

"Jay?"

(A/N Oooh! ;D What's going to happen? Will Kaidan let Jay tutor him in sexual moves? Hehe, you'll have to wait to find out ~MacBeka)

# Chapter Nine

(A/N This chapter is dedicated to my very best friend, fizzabel, who happens to write some 
extremely
 good Malec/The Mortal Instruments fanfictions that are definitely worth a read ~MacBeka)

"How do you know my name?" Jay asked. I could hear the frown in his voice.

"Uh, I..." I trailed off, unsure of what to say.

"Rob never tells people my name, how do you know it, Kaidan?"

I shivered at the sound of my name coming from his mouth.

"The club... The other day... You flirted with me in the bathroom," I told him quietly, glancing round as I started back towards the flat.

"Ah," he grinned, "so the cutie has a name. And he wants to get into porn. Can I ask why?"

"I need the money really..."

He chuckled. "That was my reason when I first got into it too. Although I wasn't a virgin at the time."

I blushed scarlet.

"So, you'd like me to train you up a bit, hm? Well I'm sure I can manage that. First though, we need to talk about your limits and what you do and don't like."

"What, n-now?"

He laughed softly. "No, Kaidan. Not over the phone. I'd like to take you out to dinner."

"Like a... Date?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes, I suppose so," he replied, grinning.

"But what do I wear? I don't have much, let alone anything smart..." I started panicking, trying to think of an outfit I could wear.

"That really doesn't matter. Just wear what makes you comfortable, I will be."

"Okay... Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise. I'll pick you up at... What time is it now?" he muttered to himself. "Half four, okay... I'll pick you up at half 6, is that okay?"

"Uh, um, yeah, sure..."

"What's your address?" he asked.

My face paled slightly. I didn't want him to see my flat...

"Um... Why don't you pick me up from somewhere else?"

"Kaidan, when I first got into entertainment, I was living on the streets. Wherever you're living, it can't be worse than that. Wear what you can, whatever you want, and I'll pick you up from wherever you're living with no judgement. People like us can't afford to judge others, Kaidan."

I relaxed and closed my eyes briefly as I got up to the flat. Neither of us said anything for a few moments until I gave him my address. There was a sound like a pen scratching on paper.

"Okay, thank you," he said. "I'll see you tonight. Try not to be nervous. And don't jerk off, I can tell and it makes you irresistible."

I gasped and before I could respond, he hung up, leaving me to stare at my phone in surprise and disbelief. I blushed and put the phone away, heading into the apartment block and heading up to my flat. Walking in, it hit me.

I was going to dinner with Jay...

What the hell was I going to wear?

I sighed and went into my bedroom, emptying all my clothes onto the bed, going through them. In the end I just sighed and put on what I wore that night in the club. Hopefully he wouldn't mind...

I heard the doorbell go and looked at the clock. 20 past 6, he was early. I took a deep breath, grabbed my keys, wallet and phone, running out and down the stairs, opening the door. I froze when I saw Sam stood there.

"Hey," he grinned. "Not spoken to you for a couple days so I thought I'd come round and just check on you." He lifted up a bag of bottles, beer no doubt. "Thought we could watch a couple films and get pissed."

I smiled. "I can't tonight, I've got a.. Uh, a date..." I blushed as I said the words.

He gasped a little in surprise and grinned wider. "Who's the lucky chick then?"

My face fell slightly as I remembered his homophobic remark the other night.

"Um..."

Just then, an expensive-looking car pulled up at the curb and Jay got out in skinny jeans, a white button-up shirt and a narrow black tie, a black blazer on too. My jaw dropped as I stared at him. He walked over to us, smiling.

"Hey Kaidan," he said, seeming to ignore Sam.

Sam glanced between us, frowning.

"Uh, Sam... This is Jay... My date..." I blushed. Was this really a date anyway?

Sam's eyes widened in surprise, staring at me.

"You... You're a gay?"

I cringed away from him.

"Kaidan, come on. We've got a lot to talk about," Jay said, looking at Sam with disgust on his face. He took my hand and pulled me away. I managed to pull the door shut as I was being dragged away.

Jay opened the passenger door for me and waited. I looked at Sam over the top of car and got in. He shut the door and walked round, getting in the driver's side.

"Evening," he said and started the car, driving off.

(A/N Cat's out of the bag now! What's gonna happen with Sam? We'll find out later, but for now, Jay and Kaidan :3 OMFG I'VE JUST NOTICED WE'VE GOT OVER 1000 READS, THANK YOU EVERYBODY WHO HAS READ, HEHEHEHEHEHE! ~MacBeka)

# Chapter Ten

(A/N This chapter is dedicated to Robokitt for writing the first story I ever read on Wattpad, over a year ago and is still one of the best stories I've ever read ~MacBeka)

I looked out of the window as Jay drove, trying to lift my spirits before we got out of the car. He was the first to speak.

"I'm going to go ahead and guess you were in the closet," he said softly, glancing at me briefly. 

I nodded. "Yeah... Especially after the other day when he said being gay was disgusting..."

He sighed in frustration and shook his head. "People like that are just closed-minded fools with no concept or idea of love," he murmured, more to himself than me. 

I turned in my seat slightly to look at him. The only light illuminating his face was the soft blue glow of the dashboard and the occasional overhead lamppost. He looked amazing... He glanced over at me and caught me staring. I looked away, blushing. A small smirk lifted one corner of his lips. I peeked up at him again, looking at his lips. Those lips... I closed my eyes, imagining the things he'd do to me with those lips...

"Stop fantasising, Kaidan," Jay chuckled, bringing me out of my thoughts. "I'll only make you tell me what you're thinking about in your wonderfully little virginal mind."

I blushed even more at his words, feeling completely incompetent sat next to him.

“So... How old are you?” I asked, trying to break the slightly awkward silence, looking anywhere but at him.

“Twenty-nine,” he replied without question.

I looked up at him, surprised. “Really? You really don’t look it...”

He smiled slightly. “Why, thank you, Kaidan.”

I bit my lip as he said my name again. “How long have you been... in the business?”

“Twelve years. I lied about my age to get off the streets when I was seventeen. Thank you for giving me your address by the way.”

I frowned slightly. “Why?”

“It’s a sign of trust, especially when you’re embarrassed about it. I wanted to say thank you for trusting me like that. You’ll need to trust me over the next couple weeks.”

“What... What have you got planned?” I asked timidly.

He smiled reassuringly. “That’s part of what we’re discussing tonight. Don’t look so worried, just relax. Nothing’s going to happen that you don’t want. Besides, you’ll probably end up begging before I think it’s time.”

I blushed even more, shivering slightly, somehow imagining the truth in his words.

He chuckled. “Stop fantasising or I’ll pull over.”

I immediately stopped thinking about all of that, focusing on this week’s classes. Something stopped me.

“How do you know when I’m... fantasising? And you said you’d know if I... you know...”

He grinned at me briefly before turning back to the road. “When you’ve been in entertainment for long enough, you tend to notice when people are thinking sexual thoughts. It’s quite useful really.”

“Oh...”

He pulled into the entrance of a car park and unplugged his seatbelt, glancing over at me. I hesitated before doing the same, getting out when he did. I gasped when I saw we were at one of the most expensive restaurants I knew of, just outside of town.

“Hey JJ,” I heard someone say, bringing my head round, seeing a valet dressed in a neat uniform.

Jay grinned and threw him his car keys. “Take care of her, Isaac. You know what I’ll do to you if you scratch the paint.”

The valet, Isaac, laughed and moved to get into the car. “Don’t worry, JJ, I always look after the cars.”

Jay grinned and walked around to me, taking my hand and leading me into the restaurant. The girl at the podium, checking reservations saw us and smiled, gesturing for us to follow her. Jay followed her, pulling me behind him.

"JJ?" I asked him.

"Jay Jaimie Laycock," he replied, looking embarrassed about it.

I looked around at the people staring at our hands. I blushed and looked at the floor. I walked straight into Jay’s back, not noticing that he’d stopped.

“Sorry,” I apologised quickly.

He chuckled quietly and said something quiet to the girl before she left. He let go of my hand and pulled out a chair for me. I blushed and sat down. He pushed the chair in and went round to the other chair, draping his jacket over the back of it. I looked around briefly, realising we were in a private room of our room. I blushed even more and peeked up at him. He was looking at me over steepled fingers, a small smirk adorning his mouth. He lowered his hands, sitting forward in his chair.

“So, Kaidan... Pornography.”

I gulped.

# Chapter Eleven

(A/N This chapter is dedicated to nekosan206 for the comment on the previous chapter that made me giggle. Make sure to leave comments, guys, I love them! ~MacBeka)

"We've already discussed why you're looking into pornography," Jay said. "But now we need to talk about what you're into, sexually. What's the furthest you've gone with someone?"

"Uh... I... I've never... Done anything."

"Ever?" His eyes widened in surprise. "Not even a make out? A kiss?"

I shook my head slightly, fiddling with the tablecloth where it was resting against my legs. He was silent for a while so I looked up, only to see him right in front of my face, leaning over the table. I gasped in surprise, sitting back in the chair, trying to move away from him.

He smirked again and took hold of my chin. He pulled me forward again until I was so close I could feel his warm breath against my face. I opened my mouth to tell him to stop and move away but he suddenly kissed me, sliding his tongue into my mouth. I made a noise, trying to get him to stop but he only pulled my face closer to his, both hands on my cheeks. He slid his tongue along mine, bringing out a slight moan, causing me to blush bright red.

After a few moments I started to kiss him back, hesitating before putting my tongue forward slightly. He touched the tip of mine with his, inviting me into his mouth. I paused before taking him up on his invitation, sliding my tongue into his mouth. He sucked on my tongue slightly, making me moan again. My hands slipped into his hair, holding it in fists. Eventually I pulled away, panting heavily, a raging hard-on in my jeans.

"Now you have been kissed," he said, sitting back in his seat, smirking still.

I was panting, my cheeks undoubtedly red.

"How was that?" he asked, grinning as he rested his cheek on his hand.

"Amazing..." I blushed more as I said it.

He chuckled, his eyes glittering slightly. "For your first kiss, you weren't too bad. A little practice and you'll be perfect. You're a natural."

I hid my face behind my hands, making him laugh. "Shut up..." I mumbled.

"Kaidan, we're going to be doing a lot more than kissing in the very near future, you need to stop being embarrassed around me. It'll do you no good whatsoever."

I peeked at him between my fingers. "What have you got planned...?"

"My usual training regime won't work with you, we'll have to start from square one," he said casually, sitting back.

"What's your usual... Regime?" I asked nervously.

"Usually it's just honing people's skills and making them camera-ready."

"Do you do this for people often...?"

He shrugged. "Not too often. Rob doesn't get new people in a lot and when he does, they're usually quite experienced. I do run weekly pole dancing lessons though, but that's mainly women."

"Do you only... 'Train' men?" I asked, unsure whether I really wanted the answer.

"I've probably trained more guys than women. I don't care who I get with; sometimes my preferences change anyway."

"You're pansexual?" I asked, curious.

Jay just shrugged again. "I guess so, yeah. But anyway, we're not here to talk about me." He reached into the inside pocket on his jacket over the back of the chair and unfolded it, revealing a few A4 sheets of paper.      

He placed them on the table and slid them over to me. I hesitated before picking them up, flicking my eyes over the first page. I frowned, confused, and read over it again.

“This is a checklist I’ll need you to fill in before we do anything. This is much more extensive than the interviews Rob does. You’ll have to do it in private where you’re not embarrassed and where you can think about it more thoroughly. Okay?” he asked.

“I-I-I... Okay,” I said timidly.

The very first line on the page was: ‘Do you want to: have teasing and foreplay sessions?’, followed by three boxes, titled ‘No’, ‘Willing to try’ and ‘Yes’.

My god, we hadn’t even started eating yet.

(A/N Oooh! Hope you enjoyed the chapter, will get the next one up ASAP ~MacBeka)

# Chapter Twelve

“This checklist, I’m going to do one too. I do a new one for every person I work with like this, Kaidan, because my limits change from person to person. While I will respect the things you say no to, I 
will
 push your boundaries. I’m telling you that now so you can’t shout at me later,” Jay said, looking me in the eyes. I couldn’t look away, entranced by his eyes and words. I nodded silently.

After a few moments the waitress came back and Jay ordered for himself. Hiding behind the menu, I looked over it, not having a clue what most of it was. I peeked over it at him, begging for help silently. He grinned and looked over the menu again, choosing something else for me.

“And can we have a bottle of the Castle Margaux, the 1995 please,” he asked her, smiling sweetly. She nodded and left quickly. I must have looked confused. “Wine. One of my favourite brands and years.”

“Oh.” He must have thought I was a complete idiot...

“What’s wrong?” he asked, an almost sharp tone to his voice.

I looked up quickly. “Nothing.”

He raised an eyebrow challengingly. “What’s wrong?” he asked again.

I sat quietly for a few moments before answering him. “You must think I’m a complete idiot...”

He blinked in surprise, staring at me. “Kaidan. Do you seriously believe I think that?” I nodded hesitantly. “Why? Because you didn’t know a specific type of wine that only connoisseurs know?”

“And I’m a virgin, at twenty-five years old... And I blush at the tiniest thing...” I trailed off, continuing the list in my head.

“We need to work on your self-esteem,” he sighed, rubbing his face with his hands before crossing his arms and sitting back in his chair. “Being a virgin and a novice is nothing to be ashamed of. In my opinion, it’s admirable. Someone who can go so long without wanting to find a random stranger and just fuck them is an amazing person.” I blushed at his word choice. “And as for the blushing... Well, I think it makes you cuter than you already are.” He shrugged nonchalantly.

I felt a little more at ease.

“I meant what I said earlier. People like us can’t afford to judge others. Besides, it’s not in my nature. Why do you think Rob picks me to help people like you?”

Relaxing slightly, I nodded, taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry, I just...”

He smiled slightly and uncrossed his arms, sitting forward again.

“It’s okay, Kaidan, don’t worry. We clearly do need to work on your self-esteem. It’s vital for life, let alone camera work.”

I nodded again, looking up at him. “What else did you need to talk about tonight?”

Jay smirked slightly, making my belly flutter a little, wondering what he was planning.

“Nothing,” he replied simply.

“Then... Why bring me out for dinner?” I frowned in confusion.

His lips turned up into a genuine smile now. “I wanted to spend time with you. I find you very interesting, Kaidan, I won’t hide it. You intrigue me. Plus, I like to get to know the people I work with.”

I blushed yet again and nodded almost shyly. After a few minutes of a weird silence, the waitress came back with the food and a second waiter behind her with the wine and two glasses. The girl placed the plates on the table without a fuss, but the guy was making a show out of pouring a little wine into one glass and handing it to Jay to try.

Jay simply rolled his eyes.

“Stephen, just pour the wine. I know it’s wonderful. We have business to discuss,” he told the man, a friendly smile on his face.

“Sorry, sir, habit,” Stephen chuckled, quickly pouring the two glasses and placing the bottle on the table before leaving.

I looked down at my large plate and my stomach growled loudly. I hadn’t seen this much food since... A long time at least. I picked up the knife and fork and dug into the steak.

“How do you know everyone’s names? Do you come here often?” I asked before putting a bit of steak in my mouth.

“I own this restaurant,” he replied simply.

I choked on the steak.

(A/N This chapter is dedicated to Shadewolf19 because she has awesome hair XD ~MacBeka)

# Chapter Thirteen

(A/N This chapter is dedicated to dark-shadows for creating the new cover and being generally awesome! :D ~MacBeka)

“I’m sorry?” I asked when I eventually managed to swallow the bit of steak.”You own this place?”

“Yeah,” Jay said as if it didn’t matter.

“You must be loaded...” I muttered before I carried on eating.

He grinned. “After over a decade in porn and stripping with not much to spend it on, yeah, pretty much.”

I sat for a moment in disbelief. “What do you do that makes the most money?”

“There are some things that most actors won’t do or would rather not. BDSM and that sort of thing. Group as well.”

“You’ve done... ‘group’...?” I asked hesitantly.

“It can be quite... interesting with the right people and in the right way. I’d love to show you someday.”

I blushed a bright red and focused on eating my steak, keeping my head down. When I eventually finished and sat back in my seat, I peeked up at him. He grinned and shook his head slightly.

“Bareback is another way of making a lot more money,” he said, continuing our earlier line of conversation.

“What’s that?” I asked timidly.

“Oh Kaidan, you are just too adorable,” he grinned widely, making me blush even more. “It’s sex without a condom.”

“Oh... When you say you’re going to train me... Are you going to, you know...?” I asked, biting my lip.

He smiled a genuine smile and it made my heart flutter. “Yes, eventually. But only when you’re ready and you trust me enough. We’ll work up to it. It’ll be with a condom for the first few times.”

“First few...?” I bit my lip.

He chuckled softly. “Oh yes, Kaidan. I’m clean, don’t worry. I get checked twice a month just in case. I’m going to assume you’re clean too,” he grinned at me.

I blushed more and hid my face behind my hands. “Stop making me blush!”

He laughed and reached over the table to take my hands from my face. I let him and he held them gently in his, stroking his thumbs over the back of my hands. I blushed even more and bit my lip again.

“Jay...” I trailed off, unsure of what I was planning on saying in the first place.

“What are you doing the day after tomorrow?” he asked, seemingly randomly.

I frowned, thinking. “Uh, it’ll be Saturday so avoiding my friend’s invitations to get pissed on a pub crawl.”

He laughed, grinning widely. “I want you to come to mine.”

I gasped slightly, looking up at him with parted lips. “Wh-What for?”

He grinned cheekily. “I think you know what for, Kaidan. It’ll be the perfect time to start your training.”

“But... Why not tomorrow?”

“Impatient, much?” He laughed as I blushed again. “I want you to do that checklist tomorrow. There’s also a couple other things I want you to do but I’ll text you with them.”

“What sort of things?” I asked nervously.

“Thinking things. Sexual things...” His eyes glittered as he looked at me.

“Jay, please...” I started. What was I asking – practically begging – for? Sex?

He suddenly sat down in his seat, releasing my hands. “Would you like dessert, Kaidan?” He smirked as if it had a double meaning.

“What do they do here...?”

“They do all sorts here. I think they should put you on the menu,” he grinned cheekily.

“Shut up...”

“You’ll be my dessert soon enough, Kaidan. You need to stop being so embarrassed around me, honestly.”

“I hardly know you though...” I blurted out.

He looked a little confused. “That’s what you’re worrying about?”

I nodded, blushing slightly.

“Oh, Kaidan...” He took hold of my hand again. “If that’s what you’re worried about, I’d be happy to get to know you more before we do anything. What is it you want to know about me?”

“I don’t know... I’m just being silly.”

“No, it’s fine. If I could have my first again, I wouldn’t want it taken by some stranger, I understand. What are you doing tomorrow?” he asked, making a gesture to the waitress as she poked her head in.

“Um... I have lessons in the morning but I’m free by 1. Why?”

“You’re in college?”

“Yeah,” I replied.

He smiled. “Are you enjoying it?”

“I guess... It’s a bit stressful sometimes though.”

“I flunked school so this is really all I can do. I’m glad you’re taking an interest in your future. Anyway, I wanted to suggest we spend some time together tomorrow, after your classes. We could go to the cinema, have a picnic at the park, whatever you want to do.” He smiled at me.

“I... I’d like that.”

# Chapter Fourteen

(A/N This chapter's dedicated to theswat1213 for the comment on the previous chapter :) ~MacBeka)

“Good,” he grinned. “Shall I pick you up from college?”

I nodded. “That would be good, thank you...”

“I know the first thing we’re doing tomorrow,” he said.

The waitress came in with two small plates each with a slice of chocolate fudge cake on, drizzled in chocolate sauce. I gasped and dipped my finger into the sauce, putting in my mouth. I suddenly noticed Jay staring at me through hooded eyes. I blushed and licked the sauce off the tip of my finger quickly.

“Kaidan...” Jay murmured. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “God, I am not going to last till Saturday...”

I blushed. “Then don’t...” I said quietly, looking up at him.

His eyes opened suddenly, wide, as he stared at me in surprise. “You don’t mean that...”

I bit my lip and nodded slightly. “Let me... touch you...”

A small moan escaped Jay’s lips and he ran a hand through his hair, taking deep breaths.

“You are going to be the death of me, Kaidan... What are you planning?” he asked.

“Um... ” I trailed, blushing bright, unsure of whether I should tell him what I wanted to do to him.

“Tell me, or we’ll both be waiting for two days...”

That indirect threat was enough to get me talking.

“A blowjob,” I blurted out. “I want... to give you a b-blowjob...”

He grinned slightly, his breathing picking up. “Now?” was all he asked.

I nodded nervously and stood up, unsure of what I was doing. He slid his chair a little away from the table, spreading his legs. His erection was a fairly obvious lump in his trousers. I bit my lip and knelt between his legs. He looked down at me, breathing heavily. His pink tongue darted out and moistened his drying lips.

My hands shook as I reached up to unbutton his trousers. Pulling the zip down, the grey material of his boxers became visible. He lifted himself up off the chair slightly so I could pull his trousers down. I did so, looking down at them as they pooled around his ankles.

My eyes slowly slid up his legs, pausing on his crotch before I looked up to meet his eyes. He was looking straight back at me, breathing heavily. His brown eyes seemed darker than they usually did, encouraging me to continue.

I tried to subtly take a deep breath – although I don’t think it was very subtle at all. I held onto the elastic of his boxers and pulled them down, letting them join his trousers around his ankles.

Jay gasped slightly at the feeling of the air against his now bare skin. My eyes widened at the sight of him. He was big... I’d never seen anyone’s... downstairs before, no one’s except my own anyway.

I took him in my hand gently, unsure and clueless about what I was doing. He felt strange in my hand... I moved my hand along his length slowly, drawing out a practically silent moan and a soft sigh.

His reaction to my one simple touch made me brave. I knelt up slightly, taking him into my mouth. He gasped and fisted his hands in my hair. I closed my eyes, breathing quickly through my nose. I could feel the very tip stroking the back of my throat if either of us shifted the slightest bit, making me gag slightly. He used his grip on my hair to pull me away slightly. I licked him slightly, as if in thanks. He gasped so I did it again. This time he moaned.

Slowly I began to move my head. His grip tightened on my hair, making me moan a little. I blushed in surprise and began to speed up. His breathing picked up and his moans became louder. I put my hands on his thighs and knelt further up, accidentally grazing the tip with my teeth. He gasped and groaned loudly, his back arching.

I hesitated before taking just his tip in, sucking. He moaned loudly. I flicked my tongue across him, making his hips jerk forwards and gasp.

“Kaidan... I...” Jay murmured before moaning. He was trying to tug me off him by my hair. I looked up at him, recognising that face of near-bliss. I took him half in, licking again. He gasped and suddenly came into my mouth, making me gag slightly. I hesitated before swallowing it, just wanting the funny taste to go away. I sat back, careful of the table.

I peeked up at Jay.

“Christ, Kaidan...” he murmured, panting.

# Chapter Fifteen

(A/N This chapter is dedicated to ryry11d9 for the hilarious comment on the previous chapter XD ~MacBeka)

I slowly realised what I’d just done and my whole body seemed to flush in embarrassment. I’d just given Jay a blowjob in a restaurant – the private room of a restaurant but a restaurant nonetheless – and swallowed...

“We’ll make a pornstar out of you yet, Kaidan,” Jay murmured before pulling his trousers and boxers back up, sorting himself out. “Jesus Christ... I haven’t had a blowjob that good in a long... long time.”

I couldn’t help my small proud smile. “You think so?”

I yelped as I was suddenly picked up and placed in his lap. Before I could even respond, his tongue was in my mouth. I moaned slightly and whined when he pulled away. He grinned at me breathlessly.

“Definitely the best in a long time. You were amazing, Kaidan.” He kissed me again. “You’re a natural at all this... I am so going to enjoy training you...”

I blushed happily, proud of myself. 

"Are you sure that was your first? I mean, I can't believe that was your first..." he murmured, looking at me. 

I bit my lip, peeking at him through my eyelashes. 

"I like that little smile," he grinned, touching my lips. "So innocent, despite what you've just done. I broke down in tears after my first blowjob."

My eyes widened in surprise. "What? Why?"

He shrugged, although his eyes looked pained. "It was a long time ago, don't worry about it."

I opened my mouth to say something. He took advantage of that, kissing me deeply. I shivered and kissed him back briefly before pulling away, breathing heavily. 

"Seriously, don't worry about it," he said quietly. 

I nodded. Clearly he didn't want to talk about it, and I was in no position to ask. I wasn't a friend, or anyone important. I was just a job. The thought brought on a funny feeling in my stomach. I stood and went back to my own seat. Jay pulled his seat forward again, making me blush slightly, thinking about what we'd just done. 

We ate our cake quietly, although it wasn't awkward; it was just that neither of us had anything to say, so we didn't. I ate slower than him, but he did practically swallow the cake whole, making me laugh. 

When I finished, I picked up my glass of wine, pausing. I frowned. It was empty. I looked at the bottle and that was gone. How many glasses had we had? I looked up at Jay, about to ask, when I noticed his guilty expression. I looked at him quietly for a few moments.

"Did you get me drunk?" I asked him. 

"Uh, well..." He ran a hand back through his hair. 

"Hey!" I exclaimed accusingly, crossing my arms sulkily. "Just because you're hot, doesn't mean you can drug me."

His lips curled up into an almost shy smile. "You think I'm hot?"

"Jay, you know you're hot, you don't need to ask me."

He blushed slightly. "It's been a long time since anybody's called me hot..."

"Well you are and you know it, so shush."

I couldn't help my small grin at the slight blush spreading across his cheeks. 

He shook his head slightly. "Let's get you home, drunkard."

I pouted. "I am not a drunkard. I just happen to be drunk because you tricked me into drinking."

He laughed and rolled his eyes.

"Don't laugh at me!" I sulked.

He only laughed more. "I'm sorry, you're just too cute. You knew what you were drinking, I just didn't stop you. People become more open about what they really want when they're drunk, as we've learnt tonight."

His usual little smirk came back, making me blush.

"Shut up," I murmured. 

"Come on, let's get you home," he said quietly as he stood. He came round and picked me up, cradling me to his chest. 

I whined slightly, trying to get away from him. He only held me closer to him and the warmth of his chest lulled me into a light sleep.

When I woke again, I was still in Jay's arms, this time in the entrance hall to my apartment block. 

"Kaidan?" Jay asked. He shook me gently. "What number's your flat?"

"7," I murmured. That was probably the right answer...

It was a few more minutes until he was opening the door and walking in. He didn't - as far as I could see - even look around the rooms. He only carried me to the bedroom and set me down on the bed. 

I sat sleepily, swaying slightly. He chuckled quietly and pulled my t-shirt off, folding it up and putting it at the end of the bed. I looked up at, trying to focus on him. 

"The alcohol hit you very suddenly," he mused to himself. I could just about make out the shape of a smile in the light of the street lamp just outside the window. 

He carefully lay me down so I was on my back before he undid my jeans and pulled them off.

"Are we going to have sex?" I murmured, though curious.

He laughed quietly. "No, Kaidan. Not yet. We'll wait until you're sober for that."

Eventually I was just lying on the bed in my boxers. Jay shuffled me up and pulled the covers over me.

"Goodnight, Kaidan," he said, turning away. 

I grabbed his hand, making him turn back in surprise.

"Stay with me?" I asked.

"You want me to stay?" He sounded quite surprised. 

I nodded, moving over to make room for him. I waited for him to get in, eyes closed. I whined when he didn't.

"Get in bed..." I tried to say.

And he did.

# Chapter Sixteen

My head hurt. A lot. Like I'd been hit with a hammer... I groaned, squeezing my eyes shut tightly. I buried my face in whatever I was lying on, trying to get away from the light. I lay still for a few moments before realising my cheek was pressed again muscular skin. My eyes flew open and I sat up quickly. Bad idea.

"Woah, careful," a soft voice said as a hand grabbed onto my arm to stop me falling. 

I slowly opened my eyes, relaxing when I saw it was Jay, and he still had his trousers on. 

"What are you doing here?" I asked hoarsely, rubbing my face. 

He smiled slightly, sitting up. "You asked me to stay."

"So you did?" His awkward nod and slight blush made me smile. 

"Someone needed to take care of you. Then you started cuddling and I just couldn't help myself."

My eyes widened in worry and surprise. "'Help yourself'?"

He smiled. 

"Nothing happened. Except for you making me take my shirt and tie off. Do you not remember?" he asked, sounding curious. 

I thought about it. I vaguely remembered getting home and being carried to bed. I did ask him to stay... The fact that he did made my heart melt. 

"A little..."

"Do you remember calling me hot?" he grinned, his usual cheeky self back.

I blushed. "Yes..."

"That was a surprise. But much appreciated."

"It was the first thing I thought when I saw you at the club..." I murmured, unsure why I was telling him.

"So you went to the toilets and jerked off?" he chuckled, making me blush more. 

"Shut up... But yeah..."

He grinned and lay down again. 

"You have a comfy bed," he said, snuggling into it and pulling the covers over him. 

I laughed slightly. "Do you want anything? Breakfast? Coffee?"

"No, it's okay. I've got a shoot later, I'll eat on location."

"What sort of shoot...?" I asked, slightly upset at the idea of him doing a porn scene.

"Just a photo shoot for some gay men's magazine. They've been asking for photos for a while."

"Are you just, like, the most popular guy in 'adult entertainment'?" The air quotes were included. 

He grinned up at me. "Probably not the most popular."

I rolled my eyes, enjoying this time with him. 

"Are you going to be okay today?" he asked, looking a little anxious.

I frowned. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"Your friend last night...?" he trailed off, chewing on his bottom lip.

I felt brave and tugged his lip from between his teeth.

"Don't do that, you'll hurt yourself," I told him before I pecked his lips. 

He blushed slightly but did stop. 

"Don't worry about me, I'll be okay. If he doesn't like it, it's not his problem. He and his friends have been trying to get me laid since halfway through last year. They don't know I'm a... virgin," I said. He nodded a bit as if he understood. "That's why we were at the club the other day."

"Were they trying to get you to have a dance?" he asked. 

I nodded. "Yeah. I would have, just to make them happy, if the idea of... lady didn't make me want to throw up..."

He laughed at that, grinning widely. "You really are too cute for your own good. I remember feeling the same way before my first consensual time with a guy. I had a nervous breakdown."

The way he said 'consensual' made my smile fall and my heart drop in my chest. "Jay..."

He looked up at me, smiling. He took hold of my hand and squeezed it. 

"Don't pity me, Kaidan, it's in the past. I'm happy with my life as it is. As much as I wish it had never happened, I don't think I'd change it. I wouldn't have met the people I know now."

I was surprised by how well he coped talking about it. I nodded and dropped the subject, looking over at the clock.

"Shit! Shit, shit, shit!" I shouted, scrambling up out of bed and running to my wardrobe of clothes, quickly trying to find something to wear. 

"Are you late?" Jay asked. I glanced over at him, to see him sitting up, chest on full display. I blushed as I tore my eyes away.

"I will be. I'll have to run," I muttered as I pulled some clothes out of the wardrobe.

He laughed slightly before lying back down again. "I'll drive you."

"Really?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Thank you!" I exclaimed, about to start changing for the day. I blushed and held the clothes to my chest. "Look away..."

Jay rolled his eyes but pulled the covers over his head completely. I quickly changed into the new set of clothes, glad I'd showered last night because I didn't have time now. When I was done, Jay was still under the covers, making me smile. 

"Done," I told him.

He got up, pulling his shirt on and quickly buttoning it, doing the tie loosely around his neck. I grabbed my bag and the new phone. I took hold of Jay's hand, practically dragging him out of the apartment.

(A/N This chapter is dedicated to _SincerelyAna for her comment on the previous chapter that made me laugh so hard ~MacBeka)

# Chapter Seventeen

(A/N This chapter's dedicated to Chennelle for managing to make me cry so hard the neighbour's heard with her story 
The Rent Boy
. Definitely worth a read, one of my favourites ~MacBeka)

"You know, you should really lock your front door," Jay said as we got into his car. 

"There's absolutely nothing of value," I told him, doing my seatbelt up and holding my bag in my lap. 

"There's you," he pointed out seriously, making me blush again.

"Just drive me to college, idiot," I grumbled.

He laughed and started the engine, pulling out and driving off quickly. It only took a few minutes before he was pulling up outside the college. I got out and was confused when he got out too. He walked round to me. I looked up at him, about to ask him what was wrong when all of a sudden I was pushed against the car and his tongue was in my mouth. 

I moaned slightly, dropping my bag to the ground to wrap my arms around his neck and bury my fingers in his hair. I let go of the worries holding me back and hesitated before slowly sliding my tongue into his mouth. He tightened his grip on my hips, telling me he liked it. Eventually I pulled away, panting. I slowly opened my eyes, only to see him staring at me. I blushed and busied myself with sorting out his tie.

Eventually it was remotely tie-like and I peeked up at him, seeing his smile. I blushed happily and used my hold on the tie to pull him down to kiss him briefly. He chuckled quietly and stepped back, leaving me, hot and bothered, against the car. 

He picked up my bag and pulled me forward, putting it on my back. 

"Now," he started, grinning, "go learn something interesting for me."

I nodded slightly, still blushing. I took a deep breath, hoping my erection wasn't too obvious. He glanced down at it and smirked. 

"We'll sort that out later," he chuckled. "Now, college, go."

I smiled slightly up at him before dashing off to sign in before heading to my class. When I walked in, Sam was already there and practically everybody stopped talking to stare at me. So they saw me with Jay outside... I blushed even more and hurried to take my seat, thankfully on the other side of the room to Sam. Although I doubted I'd be able to avoid him for three hours. 

I was amazed by how well I could work, I was concentrating better than I had in a long time, and because everyone was staring at me and talking 
about
 me, no one was talking 
to
 me so I just got on with the work. 

When class was over, I didn't bother messing about like everyone else; I grabbed my stuff, shoved it into my bag and left. The sooner college was over, the better. And the sooner I could see Jay again...

I was heading to the library for the short break between class and lecture when I heard the voice I really didn't want to here. 

"Kaidan!" Sam shouted, trying to get my attention. 

I kept my head down and walked quicker, getting into the library. I went over and sat at the table in the corner, trying to get there before he came in. I jumped when I felt his hand touch my shoulder. I pulled away from him like he'd electrocuted me and I noted the hurt look on his face as I did.

"What do you want, Sam?" I asked, trying to keep my voice level.

"I wanted to apologise for last night. I didn't mean it like that, I was just-"

"That hurt when you said that. If you're not going to accept me for who I am, we can't be friends," I said firmly, even surprising myself. 

He nodded quickly. "I understand that! And I really am sorry, it just surprised me. Why didn't you ever say?"

I looked at him like it should be obvious.

"Because you were always making homophobic remarks with the guys - your friends, not mine by the way," I told him. 

"Oh, I guess that's... I understand that... I just wanted to fit in with them but... My sister's gay, and her girlfriend is amazing. I'm really sorry, Kaidan..."

I looked at him for a few moments but he seemed genuine so I nodded and held my arms out for a guy hug. He didn't even hesitate before throwing his arms around me and squeezing me tight. It was over quickly. 

"So... The guy from last night then...?" he asked, grinning slightly. 

I couldn't help but roll my eyes as we went and sat at the table I'd been headed for.

# Chapter Eighteen

(A/N The opinions about Kaidan and Sam being friends again are so split! Oh well >.< Anyway, this chapter is dedicated to jazzstardust for her hilariously titled reading list ~MacBeka)

"So you like him then?" Sam asked.

Did I? Did I really like Jay? Well I wouldn't want to have sex with him if I didn't, right...?

"Yeah, I do," I murmured, getting some books out.

"What 's his name?"

"Jay," I told him quietly. 

Sam looked thoughtful for a few moments, frowning. I looked at him briefly before starting my work. 

"Wait... Is he that guy from the club the other night? The stripper?" His eyes went wide as I nodded hesitantly. "No way..."

"Yeah..."

"So you're dating a stripper? How'd you get talking to him? As far as I saw, he got on the stage and then got off again."

"In the bathroom," I muttered. Well at least that was true. "We got chatting and he gave me his number." Okay, so that wasn't true but Sam didn't need to know the truth...

"Wow... But you don't have a phone, do you?"

"I do now. Only a cheap one but yeah."

"Oh cool."

I noticed that he didn't ask for my number. Maybe he was waiting until I gave it him? That was a 'work' phone anyway, so...

"So what did you do last night?" he asked, getting a book out to pretend to be reading when one of the teachers walked past. 

"He took me out for dinner. I got a bit drunk by the end of it, too."

"Did he take you home and 'take care' of you?" Sam teased, grinning. 

"Oh shut up... He stayed the night but nothing happened."

"So what 
has
 happened?"

I blushed, remembering the blowjob I'd given him last night. "None of your business."

"Everyone on campus is talking about the hot kiss you two had this morning when he was dropping you off."

"Can we not talk about this?" I asked, looking up at him. 

"Sure, but when are you seeing him again?"

"This afternoon..." I murmured.

He laughed quietly. "You are whipped."

"Am not!"

He rolled his eyes at me and we both fell quiet as we started to work. Eventually I left him for one of my lectures. It was quite interesting for once so I had no trouble paying attention. There was one more class until I could see Jay again and the hour seemed to drag by, but I managed to get some work done. As soon as I could, I was jumping up, grabbing my stuff and hurrying from the room.

I quickly signed out and left. I stood in the courtyard for a few moments, looking round to try and find Jay. When I saw him, he was stood with a girl, laughing. I started to walk towards them, feeling a little hurt. 

When he saw me, he said something to her and hugged her tightly, kissing her cheek. She waved to him as she went back to join her friends. 

"Hey," Jay grinned as I got close. 

"Hi," I muttered.

"What's wrong?" he asked, frowning slightly. 

"Nothing..."

"That girl? You're worried?" 

I nodded slightly, looking away. 

"Oh Kaidan," he said, smiling as he pulled me into his arms. "She's a stripper in one of the local clubs. She's just a friend. She's having boyfriend troubles so she needed a hug really. Okay?"

I felt more at ease and nodded, putting my arms around his waist. He kissed me and then let go of me. I returned his smile this time as I stepped away. He took my hand and led me towards the car again. 

"So what are we doing?" I asked him, looking up at him. 

"I was thinking we could go bowling and then go for something to eat. What do you think?" he asked, glancing over at me for approval. 

I grinned widely. "That sounds brilliant."

"Are you hungry now?"

"Yeah, didn't have breakfast."

He nodded. "We can get something to eat, go bowling and then go for dinner depending on the time."

I nodded happily and smiled, getting into the car. 

He started driving, the radio on quietly. I turned it up, curious as to the sort of music he liked. It was a rap, hip hop station. Interesting... 

"You up for McDonald's for lunch?" he asked. 

"Are you kidding me? Yes!"

He laughed at my enthusiasm and heading for the nearest one. The quiet drive was nice and I grinned widely when the wonderful golden M came into view. 

"Take out or eat in?" he asked as he pulled into the car park. 

"In, if that's okay."

He nodded and parked, getting out. I did the same and started towards the building. He followed me as I skipped slightly, unsure whether I was more pleased about spending time with Jay or going to McDonald's. I shook the thoughts from my head and went in, getting in the queue. 

Jay joined me a moment later. 

"Chicken nuggets and chips with lemonade please," I grinned as I leaned up to peck his cheek before scurrying off to find a table.

# Chapter Nineteen

I watched him chuckle quietly as I found a table by the window in the sun. I closed my eyes, letting the sun warm me. A few minutes later, Jay was sitting down, placing a tray on the table between us. I grinned and took my meal. 

"So how did the shoot go this morning?" I asked. 

He shrugged and stole one of my fries, despite having a large portion of his own. 

"Same old, I guess. One of the editors was weird though..." he trailed off, thinking. 

"So what did they have you doing?" I had to admit, I was curious...

He just shrugged again. "Posing, changing costumes, much like any other photo shoot for a magazine. Just more sexy and with less clothes."

I rolled my eyes slightly and dipped a chicken nugget in the pot of ketchup he'd brought over. 

"You know, they're looking for partner shoots, if you're interested," he said, glancing up at me before picking up his burger. 

"Partner shoots...? Like two people together shoots...?" I asked hesitantly. 

He grinned and nodded, his mouth full. He swallowed and licked a bit of ketchup off his lip.

"It's something I've never done before actually," he said, surprising me.

I gasped dramatically. "Something you 
haven't
 done?" I teased. 

He laughed and rolled his eyes. "It would get you more comfortable in front of a camera, and they're just stills. It pays well for practically minimum effort. You don't even have to act horny like in film."

I blushed and muttered to myself, "I wouldn't have to act with you..."

He looked at me curiously, thinking. He shook his head slightly and started eating again. "We're going to have so much fun, Kaidan," was all he said.

We both kept quiet while we ate. I looked out the window, seeing the happy couples walking around, heading for the town centre and just spending the day together. I wanted that... 

"What are you thinking?" Jay asked, looking at me with his chin resting on his fist, his elbow on the table. 

"Nothing," I murmured, focusing on finishing the last of my fries. 

He kept looking at me, waiting for a real answer. I sighed and gave in. 

"I was just thinking about all the couples that get to spend every day together, happy. Without worrying about being judged..." 

He smiled slightly. "Being gay is a lot more acceptable now that it was even twenty years ago. People who judge like that should be shot," he muttered.

"History?" I asked, looking up at him. 

"My elder brother killed himself because everyone thought he was gay." He said it so simply, so matter-of-factly, like it didn't matter. 

I couldn't help myself as I took hold of his hand on the table.

"Oh Jay..."

He just shrugged again. "It's in the past. Not like my parents cared anyway."

"Want to talk about it?" I asked quietly, unsure where this courage was coming from all of a sudden. 

"There's nothing to talk about, Kaidan. My mum was a drug-addicted alcoholic and my dad was a-" He stopped. I'd never seen him looking so tense and I wanted my happy Jay back. "Can we not talk this."

It wasn't a question, or a request, it was simply a 'I'm not discussing it', and I couldn't not admit that it made me curious but it wasn't my place to ask and I just wanted to see him smile again. 

"Of course, it doesn't matter. So bowling?" I asked, trying to change the subject. His small smile made me relax. 

"There's a cool place, not too far from here really. And they do little balls for your little girly hands," he teased.

"Hey!" I pulled my hand back from him and crossed my arms, pouting. 

He laughed slightly and picked up his drink, sucking on the straw. 

"You're mean to me," I said, sulking. 

Jay grinned widely. "Oh, Kaidan, you really are adorable sometimes. Come on, let's go," he said, standing. 

I followed suit and trailed behind him like a little puppy back to the car. I got in when he did and smiled slightly when I saw he was more relaxed again. I didn't like seeing him all tense like he had been... 

I changed the radio to one of my favourite stations that only ever really played pop. Jay rolled his eyes but didn't change it as he started driving. In fact, he turned the volume up with a little button by the steering wheel. 

I smiled and looked out the window. Today was going to be fun. 

(A/N Thank you for all the wonderful comments on the previous chapter, they all make me want to write more! But this chapter is dedicated to MinnesotaTidalWave for his beautiful comment that made me laugh and smile happily at the same time ~MacBeka)

# Chapter Twenty

"I am so going to whip your ass at this," I told Jay as we changed into the bowling shoes. 

He laughed at me and scoffed. "Oh, you wish."

"I'm amazing at bowling. You are going to be eating my dust on the scoreboard," I said cockily. 

He raised an eyebrow and stood up, stepping close to me. I could feel his breath on my face and blushed slightly, but I couldn't take my eyes away from him. 

"Is that a challenge?" he asked quietly. 

I swallowed, hard, my cockiness quickly disappearing. I nodded and side-stepped around him, going to the lane we'd been told was ours. He followed me quietly. I bit my lip, trying to stop my happy grin. I was having fun. For the first time in a while, I was genuinely having fun. 

We put our names in on the thing. I apparently had to go first as the issuer of the challenge, and as the 'issue-ee' as Jay put it, he had to go second. 

Before we started we went to find a couple balls that were best for us, bringing them back to our lane. I picked up my ball and got ready. I threw it and watched it speed towards the pins, knocking them all down first time. 

"Yes!" I exclaimed, grinning as I walked back to the bench where Jay was sat. 

He rolled his eyes and patted my head patronisingly in congratulations. I laughed a little and sat down, watching as he got up to take his go, knocking six down on the first try and another two on the second. 

We continued as we were and I got a few more strikes, overall doing well. I couldn't help but laugh at how bad Jay was doing. He got so many gutter balls I went to ask the assistant to put the sides up. He sulked for the rest of the game, hardly even trying. 

I rolled my eyes, thinking of how cute he was. When the second game started, Jay groaned and fell onto the bench. I laughed and slid closer to him. 

"This was your idea," I reminded him. 

"I know..." he pouted. 

I smiled at him and kissed his cheek, trying to cheer him up. 

"Why don't I help you?" I offered. 

"Fine..." he muttered. Clearly he wasn't used to needing help. 

I smiled and took his hand, pulling him up and leading him to the lane. I picked up the ball he used and handing it to him. 

"It's technique," I told him. "With the sides up you can bounce it off them, or you can go straight down the lane."

The lesson went on and I even made him take a few of my turns. By the end of the game, the gap between our scores was a lot closer, by only twenty points or so this time...

"Maybe I should make you teach me again sometime," he murmured, staring at the scoreboard in surprise.

I grinned and wrapped my arms around him before I could stop myself. 

"Happily," I told him. 

He smiled down at me and checked the time. 

"Hungry?" he asked. 

"A little," I admitted, nodding. 

"Come on then," he said, taking my  hand and leading me out of the bowling place and into the car. 

We had a small dinner in the diner not too far from my flat. When we pulled up outside my block, I looked over at him, not really wanting to leave. 

"I'll see you tomorrow for your first day's training. I'll pick you up about 3, is that okay?" he asked. 

I blushed and nodded. We shared a quick kiss before I got out and went to open the front door. 

"Kaidan," he called from the car, his window down. I turned back to face him. "Do that checklist," he reminded me. 

"I will," I promised, nodding. 

I waved at him as he drove off before going into the block and once I was in my flat, I got out those pieces of paper he'd given me last night. I blushed bright red as I read over the list. 

Oh god, I was going to have to do a lot of thinking...

(A/N I'm not too happy with this chapter, what do you guys think? Bit of a stepping stone with some #TeamKay fluff ;) This chapter is dedicated to emolife22 for begging about the partner photo shoot XD ~MacBeka)

# Chapter Twenty-One

I took a deep breath and sat down on the bed. I got those sheets of paper out that he'd given me the previous night and blushed a bright red just reading the things. 

"Jesus, Jay... I really hate you," I muttered to myself. I'd never thought about any of this stuff, let alone in any depth. 

The first line wasn't even the worst...

I would like to:

Have teasing and foreplay sessions ---   No?   If my partner wants?   Yes?

I whimpered slightly and dropped the paper, hiding my face in my hands.

"No, no, no...." I murmured repeatdly to myself. 

I took a deep breath, picking the paper up again and lifting the pen, my hand shaking a little. I circled the 'Yes', blushing even more. 

The next line settled my stomach a little...

Give him a sensual massage?   No?   If my partner wants?   Yes?

That I could answer easily, circling the yes without feeling so embarrassed. 

Receive a sensual massage?   No?  If my partner wants?   Yes?

If he wanted to... I guess I wouldn't have a problem with it but it wasn't something I desperately wanted.

Have pictures of me taken by him?   No?   If my partner wants?   Yes?

Pictures...? Like... sexy pictures? Well, if I was going to recorded having sex at some point, I guess it didn't hurt to have pictures taken before that. So, if he wanted to, I wouldn't argue. But the next questions, take pictures of him? No, definitely not.

Take pictures of ourselves having sex? If he wanted to, I wasn't fussed really.

Have Jay strip or give me a lap dance? If he really wanted to... But me give him one, I wanted to do that if I could. Although I wasn't exactly sexy...

Film ourselves having sex? Oh god.... These questions were just getting worse and worse... Fine! I guess if he wanted to... It would happen eventually, but not with him. The thought made my heart heavy for some reason but I just shook the feeling away and carried on.

Be woken up with sex or oral sex? By 
Jay
? God, that idea was hot... I blushed as I thought that and circled the 
If my partner wants
 bit.

Wake him up with sex or oral sex? Fuck yes! I enthusiastically circled the 
Yes
 on the page, perhaps making it a bit too obvious how much I wanted to do that. 

I decided to take a deep breath and throw my inhibitions away. Jay needed to know what I was and was not willing to do. I had to do this, for him. 

Be watched while I masturbate? No, that was a definite no. There was no way I wanted that. 

Watch Jay masturbate? If he wanted me to... I guess I would... I wasn't sure whether that would be more hot or awkward.

Be more vocal towards him during sex? I blushed at that thought. If I was enjoying myself, I'd want him to know it so I circled Yes. Have Jay be more vocal? If he wanted to be...

Have him talk dirty to me? I bit my lip, thinking about that. I liked the idea of that so I said yes. Would I do it for him? If he wanted me to....

Call him obscene words (eg. slut, whore, bitch etc)? 

No. Definitely not. I couldn't imagine calling him, my Jay, anything bad...

Have him call me those sorts of names? It sounded like a bit of a turn on really, but I was too embarrassed to circle the yes, the if he wanted to, instead. 

Mutually masturbate?   No?   If my partner wants?   Yes?

"Uh..."

I didn't actually know what that meant so I just went for the middle one. 

Be rougher towards him in sex? No... I couldn't imagine trying to take charge with him like that. I wasn't that sort of person. Have him before rougher to me? I kind of liked that idea so I went for the yes.

Swallow his come? Well, I'd already done that so I just went with yes. Have him swallow mine? It didn't bother me, but if he wanted to, I'd be okay with that. 

Use dildos in sex? Vibrators? I blushed and just said if he wanted to. 

Be blindfolded? If he wanted to blindfold me, fuck yeah I'd let him so I went for the if he wanted to option again. Did I want to blindfold him? No.

Be tied down or restrained by him? That sounded interesting... If he wanted to.

Have my hair pulled? I reached up and tugged at my hair, gasping, biting my lip again. That could be hot... If he wanted to... Pull 
his
 hair? If he wanted me to...

Bite him? My eyes went wide as I read that. I... No, definitely not. Be bitten by him? That could be okay, so I'd let him.

Be dominant towards him? No, I couldn't take charge like. Not only is it not like me, I couldn't take over with someone as experienced as Jay. Be submissive for him? I wasn't really sure what that entailed so I just circled the if he wanted to.

Have Jay use a riding crop on me? What would that be like? If he wanted to use something like on me, I'd like to try, for him. Wear a dog collar and leash? I blushed, thinking about following him round like a little puppy. I kind of liked that idea... I circled the yes nervously. What would Jay think?

Then the really awful, terrifying questions began... 

Anally finger Jay? My face paled at the thought, although my heart picked up at the thought. I hesitated before circling the yes. Have him do the same to me...? I got an erection just at the thought of him anywhere near that part of my body. I read the next one and started choking on my own breath.

Have him 
lick
 me there!? I quickly circled the yes, my breathing picking up at the thought. Lick 
him
 there? Oh my god... I had to fan my face to try and cool myself. Why was I being so girly about this? If he wanted me to do that, I would definitely do that. 

Be fondled in a public setting? Oh my god, that wording... If he wanted to... fondle me, he could... anytime... any place....

Fondle him in a public setting? No, I couldn't do that... 

Have sex in a car?! If he wanted to. Have sex in the woods or a park? If he wanted to. Have sex in a work environment...? If he really want to, yeah....

Go to a strip club with him? Well we'd kind of already done that, so... Yeah, okay. Go to a sex club...? I didn't think I even wanted to know what that was, but I just circled the if he wanted to bit again...

I couldn't help the strangled noise coming out of my throat as I read the final one...

Jesus Christ....

'Have him suck semen out of my anus after sex'? I set the paper aside and curled up in a ball for a little while. Was I really ready for this sort of thing? I thought so but my reactions said otherwise. 

I sat up after a while and took the paper in hand again, reading the last line over and over again...

If he really wanted to...

(A/N Heeeey! Uber long chapter for you guys. I had originally done a much shorter, simpler, private chapter about the checklist but decided I wanted to do a more in depth one for all of us :) This chapter is dedicated to MermaidDee for making me think about doing a public one. You have her to thank! ~MacBeka)

# Chapter Twenty-Two

(A/N This chapter is dedicated to DoUbLeZone for writing her story 
Cell Mates
, which has got me completely hooked and just waiting for the next chapter! ~MacBeka)

I sat back, finally finished with that bloody checklist... It was so embarrassing....I mean, it was just so awkward even thinking about it and because I'd had to fantasise about each point, it had taken much longer than it was supposed to and I had a massive hard-on by the end of it. 

Thankfully I was alone and I realised why Jay was adamant that I do it alone. Hopefully this would help him... Help him do what, I didn't know, but hopefully it would. 

I fell back onto my bed, bouncing a little as I landed. I sighed and rubbed my face with my hands. I needed a shower. A cold shower. Which was a good job considering that was all that my shower would supply. 

I laughed slightly at myself. I wanted to finally know what it was like to have sex with someone, and I was only really doing it to make money. I rolled onto my side to look out of the window. I'd changed; once I'd sworn that I would never sleep with someone I wasn't in love with, but here I was, about to have sex with strangers on film and get paid for it. 

I didn't feel bad though... Not really anyway. 

I glanced at the clock. 10 o'clock... I'd spent more than an hour ticking little boxes on a sheet of paper. I sighed slightly and rolled onto my back again. I wasn't tired. I didn't want to sleep. My mind was racing through thoughts and scenarios about what I'd be doing with Jay tomorrow.

Would we jump straight into the sex or... Would it be romantic? Was that seriously what I was thinking? Jay, romantic? Well... He had been really sweet, so maybe he would be. He seemed genuinely concerned that I was happy to give my first time to him. 

I closed my eyes, imagining what he'd be like when we finally got round to it...

"Kaidan..." he would murmur, his lips at my neck. 

I'd wrap my arms around him, running my hands over his back, feeling the muscles there. He'd gently kiss my neck and run his hands down my sides, making me shiver. He'd set his hands on my hips, squeezing gently.

"Jay," I'd moan softly as rubbed himself against me.

He'd kiss me gently and start to-

I was jolted from my happy daydream by the sound of the doorbell going. I groaned loudly and swung my legs over the side of the bed and got up, heading down to the front door of the apartment block. 

I was surprised to see Sam there. 

"Sam?" I asked as I opened the door. "What are you doing here?"

"Wanted to make sure you got home," he said, winking at me. I groaned and turned back, leaving the door open for him. He followed me in and up to the flat.

We sat on the sofa in the 'living room' that was basically just the old sofa we were sat on. 

"So how'd your date go? What did you do?" he asked, turning sideways where he sat. 

"We had lunch at McDonald's and then went bowling. After that we had dinner in the diner down the road," I told him. 

"How was it?"

"It was... Nice." I smiled as I said it. "He was lovely."

"Are you seeing him again?" he asked, smiling a little. 

"Yeah... Tomorrow afternoon," I blushed as he laughed at me. "He's picking me up 3."

"Where are you going?" 

"We're going back to his..." I murmured, blushing as I said it. 

He chuckled. "Oh really? And what are you going to be doing there?"

"Oh shut up... But I don't know really." Which was the truth. I knew it would be sexual but I didn't know how far we were going, or even how far I was ready to go.

Sam rolled his eyes at me. He stayed a little longer until I yawned and he told me to go to bed, that he'd see himself out. I nodded and stood, going to crawl into bed. When I heard the door shut, I smiled a little. It was nice to have an understanding friend, especially one that I thought would leave me as soon as he knew. 

I smiled to myself happily. I curled up under the duvet, burying my face into the pillow. I tensed slightly as I smelt Jay in my sheets. I giggled quietly and pulled my pillow into my arms. I moved it so I was resting my head and a hand on it, trying to imagine it was Jay. 

I closed my eyes, my imagination making me happy, and sleepy too. 

Tomorrow would be... interesting, enlightening, terrifying... I took a deep breath. Jay would make it okay.

# Chapter Twenty-Three

(A/N There are too many people I want to dedicate to! >.< I can't choose so I'm gonna have to skip one for this chapter :( Leave comments! I wanted to give a massive thank you to _SincerelyAna for making me a load of banners and covers :3 Will be posting them with chapters so we can all admire them ~MacBeka)

It was so early. So. Early. So fucking early!

It was 8 in the morning and I couldn't get back to sleep. I was so nervous about going to Jay's later that I couldn't stop my mind racing.

I sat up, sighing. The college was open on Saturdays... Maybe I could go and get a hot shower in the changing rooms. I got up and grabbed what little wash stuff I had, putting it in a plastic bag before dropping it into my rucksack along with some tatty old towels. I got dressed quickly and left the flat, walking towards college. I shivered and curled in on myself as the morning air got to me. The sun wasn't strong enough to warm the earth yet.

Once I got into the college, I smiled at the quiet and signed in at the empty reception.

Walking through the building, I only saw other people when I passed the library. Heading to the sports centre, I went straight for the changing rooms.

They were empty too. I smiled to myself and headed to the shower cubicles.

My face fell immediately.

That was why I didn't come to shower here... The cubicles were trashed. I took a deep breath and hesitantly stepped towards the open shower area. Thankfully I'd brought my own towels. I was not letting some filthy... things touch my skin. 

I stripped and turned the shower on, waiting for it to warm up a little. I stepped underneath it once it felt warm enough. I sighed, feeling the water wash over my skin. I grabbed the shampoo I'd brought; some cheap crap from a pound store and squirted it onto my hand before starting to wash my hair.

It was kind of nice. Being able to shower - in warm water - without having to worry about how much water I used or how long I spent in the shower. 

I took my time as I washed myself slowly, somehow managing to take my mind off my afternoon. When I was done I turned the shower off and shivered before wrapping a towel around my waist and then draping a larger one around my shoulders. Pulling it round myself, I began to warm up again. I dried my hands and checked my phone, seeing a text from Jay.

I bit my lip and opened it.

Woke up early thinking of you, can't wait till later. Jay

I grinned and giggled to myself a little before starting a reply. My thumb hesitated over the buttons of the practically ancient machine. 

Then don't. Pick me up early? 
I typed slowly, wondering what his reaction would be. 

His reply was pretty much immediate.

Now?

My heart picked up a little as my grin widened. I thought for a few moments and started to dry myself slowly, thinking. 

Kaidan, don't leave me waiting or I'll come round there and get you right now.

I laughed a little and picked up the phone, replying quickly. 

Give me an hour? Just at college for a shower. Is there anything I need to bring?

His response had me giggling:

You could have had a shower at mine. I would have joined you ;) Just bring your sexy self and that checklist. Did you do it?

I blushed slightly, remembering what I'd gone through with that bloody checklist....

I have. I'll see you in an hour then? x

The kiss at the end was automatic and my heart practically stopped as I stared at it. His reply took longer than it had previously... I was almost panicking now. What would he think? Would he think I was in love with him? Did he think that I believed we were in a relationship?

Because I knew we weren't. I mean... we weren't. That would be silly considering the work he did and the work I was going into... He probably had so much sex he didn't want any that he wasn't getting paid for... My heart sank slowly into my stomach. Was he getting paid for doing this with me? Was that why he wanted to spend so much time with me? Was he being paid by the hour or something? It would make sense...

I sighed and started to get dressed although I only had a new pair of boxers up to my knees before the text alert went. My hands left my underwear quickly and grabbed the phone quickly, like an obsessed teenage girl...

Sorry, had to deal with the postman. Had a delivery ;) 

I bit my lip, wondering what he meant with the winky face... What was it? What it for us...? For me? Another text came through only a second later. 

See you in an hour

I grinned nervously and checked the time. 10 o'clock? Had I been in the shower for over an hour...?

"Woah..." I muttered to myself before getting dressed quickly, wanting to get home soon so I'd be there in time for him.

# Chapter Twenty-Four

Hurry 
up
, Jay! I whined, jumping up and down in frustration outside my block of flats. I clutched onto the checklist I'd done, kind of looking forward to Jay's reaction to the answers. 

He was late. Five minutes late, but that was still late. I whined again before grinning as he pulled. 

His window was down and he was resting his elbow on the door, grinning at me, his eyes hidden behind sunglasses. I had to say he was looking exceptionally hot today.

"Hey," he said, grinning.

I quickly hurried round and got in the passenger side.

"You're late," was the first thing I said to him. He simply laughed. 

"Sorry, I was late leaving the house," he chuckled. "Got your checklist?"

I bit my lip as I did up my seatbelt. He did a perfectly executed U-turn as soon as I had. "Yeah."

"Mine's at home. You'll have to wait to read it. Would you like to read me yours or hide while I read it at my place?" he teased.

I blushed. "I'll hide, thanks."

He grinned widely. "I'd forgotten how cute you were."

"You only saw me yesterday," I grumbled, looking up at the window, fiddling with the sheets of paper in my lap. 

He laughed slightly and we both fell into a comfortable siilence as he drove. It wasn't long until we were in an area I'd never been in before.

"Do you want to stay the night?" he asked suddenly.

I looked up at him in surprise, my eyes wide. 

"R-Really?" He nodded silently. "But... I don't have any clothes except the ones I'm in..."

"You can have something of mine until I take you shopping," he replied simply.

"Take me shopping...? I don't understand."

"I'm taking you shopping for new clothes. We can go tomorrow."

"Don't I get a choice?" I mumbled, looking out the window, not wanting to meet his eyes. 

"You do but I simply assumed you'd want to. Besides, you'll have to have some decent clothes," he replied.

"Decent? Aren't mine?"

"Babe, they look like you've had them for a decade or more."

I blushed a little. "Maybe I have."

I could hear the smile in his voice when he spoke. "So we'll need to get you some. Need to make you more hot than cute."

"Oh shut up," I scoffed quietly. 

He laughed. He was grinning when I glanced over at him, making a smile tug at my own lips. 

"Fine, I'll let you take me shopping. Nothing too expensive though, okay? I don't trust you not to."

"I promise. Cross my heart and hope to die," he swore. 

I nodded, trusting him now. "Alright then."

I went back to looking out the window, somehow not surprised when I saw we were in an affluent area of middle-class houses. I rolled my eyes slightly as he pulled into a long private drive, following the path until the house came into view. My eyes went wide when the house itself came into view.

I was expecting something big but I'd never seen a house as big as this except in films. It was modern and painted grey and white.

"You live here?" I asked incredulously.

"Yeah."

"It's amazing..."

"It's perfect. I had it built specially for me a couple of years ago."

I shook my head slightly in disbelief as he pressed a button on the dashboard and the garage door in front of us opened. He drove into it, revealing a range of others cars too... 

"Seriously, just how much money have you got?" I asked him.

"Enough," was his simple answer. "Enough to support a charity and myself."

"What charity?" 

He stopped the car and turned it off, unplugging his seatbelt. I did the same, unsure whether he was going to answer my question or not. 

"There's a few. One for military widows, another for homeless LGBT young people but the one I support most is a children's charity."

I think I just looked up to him more than I previously had. 

"What sort of children's work do they do?" 

Jay got out of the car after a few quiet moments. I frowned a little but followed. When he headed for a door that presumably led into the house, I still followed. Was he going to answer? He held the door open for me and shut it behind me.

The inside of the house was just as amazing as the outside, everything was white, except for a few pieces of coloured feature furniture. I followed him past a sweeping spiral staircase into what I assumed was the living room. 

"It's a charity for children who've been molested or raped," he said quietly, staring off into the distance as he sat on one of the white leather sofas. 

I blinked in surprised before sitting beside him, taking his hand. 

"I think that's wonderful."

He looked up at me and the look in his eyes made my heart hurt.

(A/N This chapter's dedicated to xAntiSocietyx for making me laugh so hard X'D The photo to the side is how I imagine Jay's house ~MacBeka)

# Chapter Twenty-Five

(A/N This chapter is dedicated to tondada for falling in love with my little baby Jay. MAJOR HUGGLES FOR JAY! ~MacBeka)

"You want to read my checklist now?" I asked, trying to cheer him up.

Jay grinned a little and nodded. I smiled and handed it to him. Before he unfolded it, he handed me what looked like his checklist. I blushed. I bit my lip as he unfolded mine and started to read it. He grinned widely, so I focused on his. 

Have teasing and foreplay sessions? 
He'd put yes the same as me, making me bite my lip and my tummy flutter in excitement. 

Give Kaidan a sensual massage? 

Another yes there, making me think of how he'd do it. What exactly classed as a 'sensual massage'? Naked? Sexiness...? I blushed and glanced up at him, seeing his little smirk as he was completely absorbed in my own list.

Have Kaidan give me a sensual massage?

If I wanted to. I'd love to but he'd have to show me how. That only reminded me how inexperienced I was compared to him, a thought I shook from my mind as soon as I could.

Have pictures taken by Kaidan? 
No. That was a definite no from the multiple rings around it. That was fine by me, I'd put no to that too.

Take pictures of Kaidan? 

I blushed at the circled 'Yes' there, a little :D beside it, making me laugh slightly.

Take pictures of us having sex? 
Another excited yes there. 

Have Kaidan strip or give me a lap dance? 

He'd only put if I'd wanted to, which I did, so that would definitely be on the cards. 

Strip or give a lap dance to Kaidan? 
A yes there, which made me think of the first time we'd met in the club... I closed my eyes and thought about it, biting my lip. I managed to jolt myself from the memory before I got too absorbed.

Films ourselves having sex? 

The 'Yes' was circled there, with a little note beside it, the words written small to fit on the page: 'This won't happen until I think you're ready but we need to get you camera ready. The videos (and photos) will never leave my possession and they all live on an encrypted laptop in the safe in my bedroom x'

The message reassured me a little but it was the little kiss at the end that really got my attention and got my heart racing. I quickly moved onto the next one before I read too much into it.

Be woken up with sex or oral sex by Kaidan? 
He'd circled the yes and put another little note next to it: 'major turn on'. I blushed and made sure to remember that.

Wake Kaidan up with sex or oral sex? 
If he wants. Sounded fun...

Be watched by Kaidan while I masturbate? 
If he wants.

Watch Kaidan masturbate? 
The no was circled with lots of little arrows pointing to it to direct my attention to it. I had to smile a little.

Be more vocal towards Kaidan during sex? 
There was an exciting yes there.

Have Kaidan be more vocal? 
If he wants. I had a feeling I would be vocal whether I wanted to be or not...

Have Kaidan talk dirty to me? 
No!!! He'd actually gone to the trouble of writing exclamation marks next to the no. Clearly that was a major no-no.

Talk dirty to Kaidan? 
Yes. Another note: 'See what you think of it x'. I bit my lip again, thinking about it briefly before moving on.

Call Kaidan obscene words? 
If he wants.

Be called obscene words by Kaidan? 
No! He'd added an exclamation mark to this one too.

Mutually masturbate? 
If he wants.

Be rougher in sex towards Kaidan? 
Another 'If he wants'.

Have Kaidan be rougher to me in sex? 
Another definite no there... I was getting the feeling that Jay really didn't like people being in charge with him. That was fine by me.

Swallow Kaidan’s cum? 
Yes.

Have Kaidan swallow my cum? 
Another yes there, with a cheeky ;) next to it, making me blush, thinking about the restaurant.

Use dildos in sex? 
Yes

Use vibrators in sex? 
Yes

Be blindfolded by Kaidan? 
I didn't even need to read the no to know what the answer would be.

Blindfold Kaidan? 
If he wants. That kind of sounded exciting to be honest...

Be tied down or restrained by Kaidan? 
Yet another definite no.

Have my hair pulled by Kaidan? 
The yes there had another little note beside it, making me regret not doing anything like that on mine. It said: 'Another major turn on'. This was all very informative...

Pull Kaidan’s hair? 
If he wants.

Bite Kaidan? 
If he wants.

Be bitten by Kaidan? 
No. There were, again, arrows to point to it.

Be dominant towards Kaidan? 
If he wants.

Be submissive for Kaidan? 
Definite no there.

Have Kaidan use a riding crop on me? 
No!

Wear a dog collar and leash? 
NO! He'd actually crossed out the no there to write his own in capital letters... Wow...

Anally finger Kaidan? 
The yeses were beginning to emerge again as the yes here had another :D next to it.

Be fingered anally by Kaidan? 
If he wants. Yes, definitely, I wanted to.

Be licked anally by Kaidan? 
Yes. Another little note: 'Turn on!' It made me a little more comfortable as he told me what he really liked and what he didn't through these little comments.

Lick Kaidan’s anus? 
Another yes there...

Be fondled by Kaidan in a public setting? 
No. I couldn't even imagine doing that to him...

Fondle Kaidan in a public setting? 
Yes. I blushed as I looked at that one.

Have sex in a car? 
Yes. That made me feel a little excited...

Have sex in the woods or the park? 
If he wants.

Have sex in a work environment? 
If he wants.

Go to a strip club with Kaidan? 
He'd put the yes, same as me. That was where we'd met after all...

Got to a sex club with Kaidan? 
This one he left blank, as if he'd forgotten about it. I frowned slightly, trying to think nothing of it.

Have Kaidan suck semen out of my anus after sex? 
There was a no there, but there was a note to the side: 'You're not stopping me felching you, btw x'. I had to guess that was what that was called... I couldn't stop my bright red blush. 

I peeked up at him now and gasped at the predatory look on his face. I squealed as he practically jumped on top of me, but I was silenced as he kissed me, forcing his tongue into my mouth. I moaned a little and kissed him back, hesitantly sliding my tongue to meet his. I hardly felt his hands running under my shirt...

(A/N Hehe! Jay's checklist, everybody! With his cute little comments X3 Next couple chapters will definitely be sexy time! Not sure how far but at last it's here! Oh, and by the way Jules, I know what felching is. Didn't want to confuse poor little Kaidan ;) ~MacBeka)

# Chapter Twenty-Six

(A/N This chapter's dedicated to dalek1200 for being hilarious XD ~MacBeka)

I moaned a little at the feeling of Jay's hands on my skin. He pulled away suddenly and then my shirt was gone, making me gasp in surprise. When he kissed me again, I didn't hesitate to open my mouth for him this time. 

Something surfaced in my mind from reading his checklist and I grabbed onto his hair, tugging slightly. He gasped and moaned into my mouth. His hands roamed my bare chest, making me arch. 

I pulled away, in desperate need of oxygen.

"Jay..." I moaned slightly as his lips pressed against my jaw, sucking slightly. 

"Bedroom?" he suggested quietly, his voice deeper than usual.

I nodded enthusiastically, waiting for him to get off me so I could jump up and run upstairs. Although, instead of getting up, he threw me over his shoulder and hurried up the stairs. 

"Jay! Put me down!" I exclaimed, trying to stop my semi from pressing against him.

Suddenly I was being dropped onto a soft mattress and he was on top of me before I could even throw my gaze around the room. 

I gasped and arched at a sudden warm wetness on my nipple. Whatever was there seemed to pull the small, sensitive bud further in, making me moan loudly. I opened my eyes slightly. Jay had his lips clamped around my nipple, sucking and nipping... I moaned again simply at the sight. 

When he pulled away, he kissed my neck, using his teeth to graze a certain spot of skin that had me gasping and my hips jerking against his. I could feel his erection through his jeans, long and hard. 

"Kaidan, you are so fucking hot sometimes..." he murmured against my slightly wet neck.

Suddenly he was pressing his hips against mine and rubbing. I moaned loudly, throwing my head back. My semi definitely wasn't so semi anymore...

"Please, Jay..." I begged, whimpering a little. What did I want? I wanted these stupid jeans off me, that was for sure.

He seemed to sense what I wanted because it was only a few moments later that the jeans were being removed like a magician with a tablecloth, in one quick tug. Now I was just lying in my boxers - thankfully just a plain grey pair - and he was still fully clothed. I sat up, my legs spread as he knelt in between them, looking over my mostly naked body. Amazingly, I didn't feel self-conscious. Instead I felt sexy, attractive, hot, all the things he said I was. 

I grabbed hold of the hem of his T-shirt and he helped me pull it off him, much less elegantly than he had mine.

Before I even threw his shirt on the floor his jeans were coming off. As he was kicking them off, I panted, looking at his chest. I swear it should be illegal for someone to be that hot...

When his jeans joined the pile on the floor, I reached for his boxers. 

"No," he said breathlessly, grabbing onto my wrists. I whined a little, looking up at him. He smiled down at me a little. "Just like this for now."

"You don't want to?" I asked, inexplicably a little hurt. 

He grinned. "Oh babe, of course I do. I can't wait until I can just fuck you. But not yet."

I bit my lip, peeking up at him. I pulled him down again, kissing him, grabbing onto his hair. 

It wasn't long before he was pulling away again and quickly trailing kisses down my body. I left my hands in his hair and let my head fall back into the mattress. 

I gasped when I felt his teeth take hold of the elastic of my boxers, slowly pulling them down. My grip on his hair tightened, making him groan softly in pleasure. 

I moaned a little and arched when I felt his moist breath on my groin. 

"Jay... Please..."

He chuckled softly and suddenly took me into his mouth, making me gasp. His tongue dragged over my tip slowly. I moaned loudly, tugging on his hair again. 

His hands slid down my sides and took a hold of my hips, holding me into the mattress. He gently dragged his teeth over the underside of my member. 

"Jay! For god's sake, fuck me now!" I exclaimed, surprising myself with my brashness. 

He chuckled, his mouth vibrating slightly. Suddenly a finger was trailing over my entrance, making me whimper in confused pleasure. 

Suddenly his head starting bobbing up and down on me, making me moan, but it was the feel of the back of his throat against my tip that made me come, releasing against the very back of his throat. 

I was only briefly amazed when he didn't gag at all. He sat back and seemed to swallow, making me bite my lip, panting around it. He leaned down slowly. 

"Would you like a taste, Kaidan?" he asked before kissing me suddenly, pushing his tongue into my mouth. 

I gasped and grabbed onto his hair. I could really get used to this...

(A/N Yaaay! Sexy time! More coming soon ;D ~MacBeka)

# Chapter Twenty-Seven

I sagged into the mattress when Jay knelt up, sitting across my hips. 

"Jay..." I whispered, opening my eyes a little to look at him. 

He only grinned down at me. 

"How was that?" he asked, trailing his fingertips over my chest and stomach. 

"Will you fuck me now?" I asked in response to his question, blushing a little at my own words. 

Jay just laughed and shook his head a little. 

"Not yet, babe. Soon, Kaidan, very soon. Tonight if you're lucky."

I swallowed hard. "We're going to spend the whole day like this...?"

He chuckled. "Oh, yes, Kaidan. Now that I've got you here, I'm not letting you get away that easily," he murmured, looking down at me from where he straddled my hips. 

"Jay, if you keep talking I'm going to force you to take me." I managed to keep the lust from my voice - I think.

He grinned again and got off me, sitting beside me, half on his side. I pouted a little when I saw he was still wearing his boxers. I blushed as the thought reminded me I was completely naked. I moved to cover myself with my hands but he took hold of my wrists in one of his hands. 

"Come now, princess, let me just admire you," he teased. 

"Don't call me that," I grumbled, but letting him bring my hands up to my chest anyway. 

"What, 'princess'?" he grinned.

"Yeah. I'm not a girl..."

He rolled his eyes. "I'm trying out different nicknames, alright?"

I blushed, touched that he wanted to give me a nickname. "I do have a name though..."

"But everyone calls you that. I want something only I call you." I noticed his slight pout and couldn't stop the little smile from lifting my lips up.

"Okay then. Give it a go. You call me 'babe' anyway. Isn't that a nickname?" I asked. 

"Yeah but I call everyone that. I want something special for you..." he trailed off, looking down at me with a funny look in his eyes. 

I wrapped my arms around his neck and rolled over so I was straddling him. His eyes widened a little at my bold move. I set my hands either side of his head and leaned down a little until our faces were only inches apart. 

"Think later, kiss now," I said quietly before kissing him suddenly. 

He moaned a little, wrapping his arms around my waist as he pulled me closer and immediately deepened the kiss. I gasped in surprise as he rolled us over so he was on top. 

"Stay here," he commanded before getting up and going into a walk-in wardrobe.

My brain was too busy begging to just spread my legs, trying to make him have sex with me. I couldn't even blush at the thought; my body was trembling in lust, so much that I didn't even notice as my legs bent at the knee and spread themselves, making me shiver at the slight draft. 

A soft chuckle snapped me out of my horny haze, making my knees snap together and my cheeks redden in embarrassment. 

"Get onto your hands and knees, Kaidan," he said softly. 

I hesitated before doing as he said, my elbows shaking a little.

"What..." I swallowed the thickness in my throat and tried again. "What are you going to do?"

I could hear his grin in his voice. "Oh Kaidan... You'll have to wait and find out, babe."

I gasped and shivered as his fingertips ghosted over my lower back. 

"I think I might try and find all your sensitive spots," he said quietly, as if he was still thinking about it. "Or I might just finger you. What do you think?" 

I moaned a little, thinking about it. "Please, Jay..."

"Please what? What do you want, Kaidan? Little slut, you just want sex, don't you?" There was a hard edge to his voice that had my breathing picking up. "What are you, Kaidan?"

The question confused my mind. Suddenly a hand smacked my backside, making me gasp in surprise and pain. 

"What are you?" he asked again. 

"I... I-I don't know," I admitted, finding this hot. 

He chuckled and his fingernails trailed over my lower back, making me arch. 

"Jay..." I practicalled begged. 

"You're so horny, Kaidan," he noted, grinning.

He leant down and nipped at that spot on my lower back, making me gasp and moan a little. 

"Jay, please!"

"I've decided what I'm going to do to you, Kaidan," he announced, setting my heart racing more than it already was. 

"W-What are you going to do?" I asked breathlessly. 

"I'm going to tease you."

(A/N Hehe! Let me know what you guys think! Jay's playing a little rough right now, what'll happen? ;) This chapter's dedicated to PhoenixOfTheNight for being wonderful enough to point out my mistakes in the first couple chapters :) ~MacBeka)

# Chapter Twenty-Eight

"T-Tease me...?" I asked, my eyes closed. Silence was the only response. "Jay...?"

I yelped as I was suddenly rolled over and thrown onto my back. I looked up at him with wide eyes, bouncing on the mattress a little. 

"Lift your hands up," he commanded. 

The tone in his voice had my hands lifting up of their own accord before I could even think about his words. 

"Good boy." I was rewarded with a quick kiss to the insides of my wrists. 

I shivered a little as something cold touched my wrists. I looked at them, seeing handcuffs trapping my hands together... I bit my lip to stop from giggling as the soft red feather-like coverings tickled my skin. 

"What are you going to do?" I asked quietly. 

He let go of my hands so they fell, together, onto my chest.

"I told you, I'm going to tease you. Are you not listening to me? I don't like it when people don't listen to me," he said, a warning underneath the soft tones of his voice. 

I shook my head vigorously, for some reason not wanting to displease him. 

"No, I'm listening, I'm sorry. How are you going to tease me?"

He grinned widely, a wicked grin that made my hear stop. "You're not going to see," was his cryptic reply. 

I opened my mouth to ask him what he meant but suddenly a thick cloth was being tied round my head, completely blinding me. I gasped and arched a little as his fingers ran down my neck and over my chest. 

"Better. Perhaps I should stop you talking too." I could hear the grin in his voice. "But not yet. Maybe another time."

My lips parted to drag more oxygen into my body. 

"Keep your hands above your head. If you try and stop my physically, I won't be happy. If you really want me to stop, you say something. Okay?" he asked, making sure I understood. 

I nodded, biting my lip. 

I gasped as the tip of a soft feather touched my nipple. I couldnt help arching up, trying to get more contact with it. Jay, with his hand flat on my stomach, pushed me back down. 

"No," was all he said.

I whimpered slightly and nodded slightly. 

"Good boy," he said softly. I smiled happily at his words, proud of myself for some reason.

When the feather touched my skin again, I tensed myself so as not to arch. The very tip of the feather circled around my nipples, only brushing them occasionally. 

I moaned a little, pulling at the handcuffs around my wrists. 

"Jay, please," I begged.

"What do you want, Kaidan?" he asked.

"T-Touch me, please..."

He touched the feather to the underside of my chin. I tilted my head up a little and to the side when he stroked along my jaw with it. I shivered at the feeling of it. He touched the very base of the feather - which was much longer than I'd thought - and pulled it over the sensitive spot on my neck, making me moan. I gasped a little when I felt his soft breath against my ear. 

"Why should I touch you, Kaidan? Why do you deserve it? Tell me what you are," he ordered quietly, an edge to his voice though. 

I whimpered a little and racked my brains for something... Wait, what had he called me earlier? After I basically begged him for sex...

"Slut!" I exclaimed as I suddenly remembered. 

He laughed softly and nipped my earlobe, making me gasp and my hips jerk up. 

"Good boy. I think I've decided on your nickname."

"W-What is it?" I asked shakily. 

"Kitten. Because you're like a little cute cat. Maybe I should get you a collar with a little bell on it."

I couldn't help giggling. 

"I like that," I admitted quietly. 

"Good," he said softly.

He slowly licked all along the outer shell of my ear, making me moan. I yelped as suddenly the blindfold was pulled off me. I blinked to try and adjust to the light again. When I could see clearly, I saw Jay was right above me.

"Hey," I said cheekily, grinning. 

He grinned too and kissed me deeply suddenly. I moaned and put my cuffed hands over his back, stroking his back with my fingertips gently. I was so absorbed in him that I squeaked in surprise when I felt his fingers stroke over my back entrance. 

"Jay!" 

I pulled my hips away from him, my carnal thoughts suddenly replaced with embarrassment. He grinned down at me and kissed my neck softly to reassure me.

"Relax, kitten," he whispered before kissing along y jaw. 

I grinned a little at the use of my new nickname, liking it. 

"Just trust me. You do trust me, don't you?" he asked. The hard edge to his voice was gone, replaced with a careful softness as if I was an animal he didn't want to scare away. 

"Of course I trust you," I replied, smiling a little. 

His shoulders visibly relaxed when I hadn't even noticed they'd been tensed. I lifted my bound hands slightly to play with the hair at the nape of his neck, smiling up at him. He kissed me again, gentle and slow this time. 

"Then relax..." he murmured when he pulled away, only moving to my neck. 

I turned my head to the side so he could get a better angle, gasping when he touched my entrance again, although this time I didn't pull away. 

He rubbed me there slowly, quickly getting me hard. I moaned again, which was quickly cut short when he pressed against me as if he was going to push his finger inside. I whimpered instead and he slipped out of the loop of my arms. He took hold of the chain between my wrists. 

"Would you like these off?" he asked. 

I thought for a moment before shaking my head. I kind of liked them to be honest. He smiled and let go of them. He got off the bed and I watched him carefully as if worried he was going to run away and leave me here. He went into that walk-in wardrobe again and came out with an armful of things. 

I sat up awkwardly, unable to use my hands to help me. He dropped the things in front of me and I went bright red. 

"What flavour, kitten?"

He just grinned at me...

(A/N Hehe! New chapter up ASAP! Hope you liked this one :D Let me know what you thiiink! This chapter's dedicated to MermaidDee for confusing me and making me laugh with just 7 words! ~MacBeka)

# Chapter Twenty-Nine

I was sat still and silent for so long that Jay asked the question again:

"What flavour?" 

He grinned and sat opposite me on the bed. 

"W-What... What are these...?" I asked shyly, peeking up at him through my lashes. 

His grin only widened and he laughed softly. "Oh, Kaidan... You've probably never seen a bottle of lube in your life, have you?"

I shook my head a little, embarrassed at my inexperience. "No... What are you going to do...?"

"Well... First I'd like to finger you, then I'd like to lick you... Then we can do whatever you want." He held up a hand when I opened my mouth. "Not sex."

I pouted slightly and nodded. I couldn't believe I was so desperate... Really I just wanted to experience... I wanted to stop being innocent little Kaidan and, instead, be someone who knows what they're doing. 

He touched my chin briefly. "Cheer up. I want to go through most of your list before sex. That way I'll know most of what you like, and what you don't. It'll make it more enjoyable, trust me."

The genuine smile on his face had me falling into his trap - if it really was a trap. But I couldn't imagine him lying to me about something like this, or anything at all really... 

"Alright..."

"And so we come back to my original question: what flavour?" he asked once more.

I only blushed more but took a deep breath and steeled myself for looking at all the little bottles. They were all full, which kind of confused me and settled my nerves at the same time. 

"Why...?" I started, unable to finish. 

"I haven't had sex outside of work in a very long time, and the lube they supply is cheap and tasteless, if they give you any lube at all," he shrugged as if his words were just casual, as if we were talking about the weather. 

"What's your favourite flavour?" I asked hesitantly. 

He grinned. "Well, that's a toss-up between the watermelon and bubblegum, although sometimes others are better, depending on the partner," he said teasingly. "And you taste wonderful."

I blushed once again. "Oh, shut up..."

He rolled his eyes a little. "I've been told that I taste better with something like lemon and lime, or cherry. I don't like to use strawberry because it's so mainstream."

His last little comment made me laugh and grin. I shook my head a little. I didn't even know lube flavours other than strawberry existed...

"So what flavour shall I stretch you out with?"

I only blushed more at his words. "What's best?"

"Well... There are a few here that tingle but they don't all work as well as they say and can even be painful, so let's not go for one of them first thing. The more boring tastes are just normal, but the rest are either warming or cooling."

"What feels... better?" I asked nervously. 

"Well, the cooling gives some people major pleasure but the warming is best to go for on your first time."

"Which ones are the warming ones?" I questioned, feeling less shy about this sort of thing because he talked about it so casually. He was an 'expert' at stuff like this so I'd trust him.

He swept the non-warming ones onto the floor without a second glance, leaving only the--

"Cinnamon, tropical fruit, watermelon and bubblegum," Jay said, announcing the flavours left. 

"You said watermelon and bubblegum were your favourites...?" I wanted to double-check. He nodded. "Well I like bubblegum but not watermelon so why don't you use the watermelon on me then..." I took a deep breath, looking at him through my lashes. "Then I can use the bubblegum and give you a... blowjob."

He grinned and kissed me. 

"Sounds good to me," he purred, making me shiver just from the sound of his voice.

He placed the bubblegum lube on the bedside table and the cinnamon and tropical fruit joined their brethren on the floor. He knelt up and slowly pushed me down onto my back, the watermelon flavour in his other hand. 

"Spread your legs," he said gently. 

I immediately did as I was told, bringing my knees up and spreading them as wide as I could. Jay broke the seal on the little bottle and turned the nozzle until it popped up... He flattened his fingers out, holding them together. He squirted a considerable amount onto the little platform that was his fingers and they disappeared out of my line of vision until they were wiping the lube against my hole. 

It didn't take long for the warming sensation to begin. I moaned and arched, lifting my hips up, trying to find friction, or anything to alleviate the pleasure that was becoming almost painful in my cock. 

Jay kept his fingers like that for a little while, just rubbing, making sure I was practically dripping with it, all over me and slightly inside too... 

"This is going to hurt a little but trust me," Jay whispered.

He didn't do anything until I nodded, although before he did he slipped my arms over his head and around his neck and kissed me slowly, carefully as if I was made of china or glass. I gasped a little when he pressed his finger against my hole but before he even tried to insert it, he slathered it with the lube that was dripping around my arse. I blushed a little but I hardly had time to think about it before he was slowly sliding his finger inside me. 

I gasped again and arched, whimpering into his mouth. He slid his tongue into my mouth, trying to distract me from the discomfort. He kept his hand as still as possible so as not to jostle his finger inside me. After a minute or so of simply kissing, he moved his finger a little, out and then slowly in again. 

This time I moaned, although the very slight pain still remained. His finger curled slightly, making me whimper, before it touched something... magic. I was arching high and crying out, my own voice foreign to my ears. 

"Jay! Wh-What's th-that?" I asked, trembling slightly in pleasure. 

"That's your prostate, kitten," he whispered against my lips, looking me in the eye. "And it's going to become your best friend."

(A/N Yaaay! Real sexy-ish time at last! Tell me what you think! This chapter's dedicated to MichelleUchiha for wanting to marry me ;) ~MacBeka)

# Chapter Thirty

I blushed bright red but could hardly focus on Jay's words as his finger was moving inside me again. I felt warm down there... Hot, but not uncomfortably so. It didn't long before all the pain was gone and I was simply a moaning, mewling mess. 

"Jay, please... More," I begged, trying not to give a second thought to the embarrassment I knew I felt. 

He didn't hesitate to slowly slide a second finger inside me. I whimpered as my muscles had to stretch to accomodate it. Jay was patient though, waiting quietly, simply kissing my neck and collarbone, trying to distract me. It took a few moments for the pain to subside but it only came back, sharp as a knife, when he moved. 

I gasped and clung onto his back, his fingers digging in slightly. 

"It's okay, kitten..." he whispered gently as his hand stilled again. 

He kissed my lips softly, trying to comfort and reassure me. I nodded when he pulled away to tell him to continue, not trusting my own voice. The look in his eyes told me he wasn't convinced that I was ready yet but he didn't argue, moving fingers inside me slowly, all the way in and out. 

I whined out a pained moan, but cried out when he stroked at my... prostate again. I scratched his back slightly with my nails, my mind overloaded with the pleasure of it. 

"If you think this is pleasurable, wait till I've got a vibrator pressed against that wonderful spot of yours," he whispered in my ear, making me moan slightly and only grip onto him tighter. 

He sped up his movements and I blushed at the loud moan that escaped my lips, breathing heavily, on the verge of panting. 

He continued for a few minutes and didn't wait for me to nod before he carefully slid a third finger in. I gasped in surprise and my muscles tightened automatically. I whimpered loudly at the pain and unclenched my downstairs muscles quickly.

"Jay, that... It h-hurts," I whispered, clutching onto him. 

"I know, babe," he whispered back, kissing all over my face. "It'll be okay. Just give it a minute or two. I want to stretch you out like this first before I take your virginity--" My eyes flew open to look up at him hopefully. He grinned and finished his sentence. "--later."

Suddenly he dragged his nail over my prostate, making me cry out loudly. That was... Little spots clouded my vision as I dragged in deeper breaths. When he moved his fingers slightly, I somehow whimpered and moaned at the same time. 

He continued to move slowly until I was completely relaxed around him and moaning loudly. I lifted my hips up to meet his fingers, trying to get more pleasure from them. I moaned his name and cried out loudly again as he stroked over my prostate. 

"Jay! I-I'm going... to come..." I managed to pant out. 

He seemed to nod slightly and practically attacked my collarbone with his lips, sucking at it and nipping, making me moan again. I wanted to grab onto his hair but my cuffed hands wouldn't let me. 

He scratched carefully at that little spot again and I basically screamed in pleasure. I came suddenly onto my stomach, getting some on him too. I sagged into the bed underneath me, panting and trying to catch my breath. 

Jay decided not to let me breathe and quickly slid out of my arms and kissed down my body, ignoring the come he got on his lips and chin. Suddenly the backs of my knees were resting on his shoulders, my legs hanging over him. He lifted my hips up slightly and suddenly kissed me. Down there. Right on my entrance!

I gasped in suprise, trying to pull my hips away from him. 

"Relax, Kaidan. This is simply nice," he chuckled before kissing me there again. 

This time I moaned a little, not trying to stop him. I gasped again when I felt his tongue dart over the pink flesh. He did it again, this time dragged the very tip of his tongue over me, making me moan loudly. 

"Jay..." I whined, wanting more of him.

He didn't reply, instead sliding his tongue slightly inside me, making me gasp and moan at the same time. It felt... so alien, but so good at the same time. 

He continued like that, darting his tongue in and out before he went back to just licking and kissing me there. I moaned loudly often and cried out occasionally. 

"I-I..." were the only shaky words I managed to get out to tell him about my coming orgasm. 

I cried out loudly as he suddenly began practically fucking me with his tongue, pushing it inside in rhythmic thrusts until I was almost screaming again before I released all over myself again, getting it higher up this time because of the way he had me. 

I was panting heavily now, almost relieved when he set my legs down on the bed. I wasn't going to be pleasured anymore... yet... I don't think I could take another orgasm, I was exhausted as it was. 

I gasped and my eyes flew open at the feeling of Jay licking my torso clean. I blushed a furious red and covered my face with my hands as best I could. When my breathing had eventually calmed down a little, I peeked up at him. 

He was lounging on his side, watching me with a wide grin. 

"Your turn..." I managed to say. I really did love bubblegum...

(A/N What do you think? Kaidan's first time being fingered and rimmed, hehe :3 I'm having so much fun with this. This chapter's dedicated to Madirene for being a ninja too! ;D ~MacBeka)

(PS are these little notes annoying? ~Beka)

# Chapter Thirty-One

(A/N To everyone who's asking, Jay isn't bi but he is pan, as he and Kaidan discussed in Chapter Eleven ;) ~Beka)

I grinned breathlessly as I leant over to awkwardly grab the bubblegum lube from the bedside table. I knelt up and bravely pushed Jay from his side onto his back as best I could with my still cuffed hands. He simply looked up at me with hooded eyes and pressed a button on the handcuffs so they popped open. He threw them away onto the floor somewhere. I bit my lip and straddled his hips. He was still wearing his boxers.

"We'll have to take these off, you know," I told him, almost teasingly.

His face broke out in that beautiful grin of his. 

"Then get rid of them," he replied. 

I didn't hesitate before kneeling up and tugging his underwear down quickly. He kicked it off once they were below his knees. I sat down again and gasped at the feeling of his naked skin against mine...

He took hold of my hips and ground himself against me slightly. I moaned loudly, my head falling back on my neck. 

"Jay..." I gasped out, biting my lip hard. 

I took a deep breath and slid down his legs until I was sat on his calves carefully. I glanced down at his erection briefly and blushed a little. He seemed bigger than I remembered... 

I focused my attention on the bottle in my hand. I tried to twist it so it would pop up so I could squirt some into my hand. I frowned and tried again, but it wouldn't work. Jay plucked it from my hands and did it quickly before handing it back. 

I blushed even more. "Thanks..." I murmured.

I squirted some into the palm of my hand and looked at him, feeling brave again. I lifted my hand up and dipped my tongue into the lube, tasting it. 

"Yum," I said quietly, trying to be seductive. 

He closed his eyes and his lips parted. 

"Fuck, Kaidan..." he groaned.

I grinned widely in triumph before quickly hiding it so he wouldn't see it if he opened his eyes. I took hold of him in my lubed hand and moved slowly, spreading the lube all over him. He moaned slightly and I bit my lip again. The feeling of him in my hand was strange but I loved the fact that he was making these noises because of me. 

When the lube was all over and around him, I took my hand back. He whined at the loss and looked up at me. I kept my eyes on his as I licked the lube off my fingers and hand. He moaned and shut his eyes again. 

I leaned down and took him into my mouth. I closed my eyes and sucked on the head of his member slightly, trying to get a taste of the bubblegum. He moaned loudly and grabbed onto my hair, getting some of the watermelon lube in it, I think. 

I flicked my tongue across him, making him cry out slightly and his hips jerk up towards me, pushing himself in further. 

I took him in slowly, managing not to gag as I took him all the way to the back of my throat. He moaned loudly, tugging at my hair slightly. I started to move slowly, licking at him occasionally to better taste to lube all over him. It was yummy.

Beginning to speed up, I looked up at him to see him moaning loudly and trying his best not to thrust up into my mouth. I would have smiled if I didn't have his cock in my mouth. 

All the lube seemed to be gone, or dripping round my lips, but I didn't stop, using my tongue to pleasure him too. 

He seemed to be trying to pull me off him.

"Kaidan... I'm going to come... If you don't want it in your mouth, pull away now," he said quickly. 

I rolled my eyes slightly and closed them, grabbing onto his wrists and pinning them as best I could to the bed either side of him. He gasped a little in surprise but just moaned again and he touched the back of my throat. I wasn't still amazed I hadn't gagged yet. 

He moaned my name loudly and cried out slightly as he came down my throat. This time I did gag slightly but I just swallowed quickly. I sat back, grinning to myself happily. 

He panted for a few moments, seeming exhausted. He slowly opened his eyes but quickly shut them again, biting his bottom lip hard enough to draw blood. 

"What? What's wrong?" I asked, worried now. 

"Look in the mirror," he muttered, his eyes stills squeezed shut. He gestured as best he could to a large mirror on the wall. 

I frowned and looked. I gasped at the sight of myself. My hair was all ruffled up, but that wasn't what surprised me the most. It was the mixture of lube and come around my lips and dribbling down my chin that had me staring in the mirror with wide eyes. 

Suddenly the door burst open and it immediately dragged me from my thoughts. 

I squealed loudly and moved as quickly as I could to hide myself. I just happened to fall on the floor as I did. 

"Kaidan!" Jay exclaimed, sitting up quickly to check on me. 

"Ow..." I groaned. 

The laughter coming from the door sounded like multiple people and I just shrunk further out of view.

(A/N Glad you all said these aren't annoying :) Guess what!? It's my birthday tomorrow >.< Might not be able to post but will do my best. This chapter's dedicated to xXxBatmanxXx for the wonderful compliment in last chapter's comments :3 and generally being hilarious ~Beka)

# Chapter Thirty-Two

"
Out
!" Jay shouted loudly, making me shrink even further at the anger in his voice. 

The laughter stopped suddenly. "Dude, we didn't mean--"

"I said, get 
out!
" he shouted again, throwing a pillow at the door. 

It shut quickly. Jay turned to me again, helping me back onto the bed carefully.

"Are you okay, kitten?" he asked, the anger completely gone from his voice. 

I peeked up at him. "I don't like it when you're angry..." I whispered quietly. 

"Oh, babe..." He kissed me gently and wiped the come and lube from my chin with his thumb, making me blush. "Not angry at you. I don't think I could ever be angry at you; you're just too cute."

I just blushed even more. "Who were they?"

He sighed and pulled me into his lap. I curled up happily as he cradled me. 

"Just some idiot friends," he murmured, resting his cheek on top of my head. 

I couldn't deny how right this felt, just being held by him. I put my hand on his chest and he smiled slightly. 

"Friends?" I asked, looking up at him as best I could. 

He shrugged a little. "They have a key. They decide when they pop in. You know what friends are like..."

"I don't actually," I said quietly. 

He lifted his head to look down at me. I didn't want to meet his eyes but he made me, tilting my face to face him. I thought he was going to say something but he just kissed me gently. 

I kissed him back, relaxing slightly. He pulled away after a few seconds. 

"I best go see what they want, but you can stay here if you want," he said, stroking my cheek. 

I thought about it for a moment. Did I want to be left here on my own? Not really... Did I want to face the people who'd seen me in a state like that? Definitely not. But I did want to see what sort of friends Jay had...

"Can I go with you?" I asked quietly, sure he'd say no. 

He smiled and nodded, kissing me briefly. 

"Of course, you can throw something comfortable of mine on. Might be a bit big but it'll be okay."

He picked me up and set me down on the bed as he got up. He kicked the bottles of lube on the floor out of his way as he headed back to that walk-in wardrobe. This time he opened the doors wide as he went in. 

Most of it was simply clothes but in the far corner there were... toys... Sexual things... He came back a few moments later with a pair of sweatpants and a baggy grey top for me to wear. I pulled them on, not questioning why there were no boxers.

"Do you want underwear with them?" he asked as he went back into the wardrobe. 

"No, it's alright, thank you," I said as my head popped out of the top of the T-shirt. 

"You really don't need to be so formal, kitten." He smiled at me over his shoulder before he pulled on a pair of black sweatpants but he didn't bother with a T-shirt. 

"Do I have lube in my hair?" I asked suddenly, blushing slightly. 

Jay grinned and came back to the bed, running his fingers over my hair. 

"A little," he said. "It washes out easy and I want to shower with you later."

I blushed more and nodded. That kind of sounded exciting... I knelt up and climbed off the bed. He took my hand and led me from the room, going back down the wide sweeping staircase. I followed him across the large entrance hall and through a partially open door.

The chat inside immediately subsided as Jay walked in. He led me over to the one empty sofa and sat down. I sat beside him but winced as my arse pressed against the white leather. Jay didn't say anything as he lifted me into his lap, positioning me so I wasn't in any discomfort. I smiled slightly before I cast my eyes around the room. 

There were three guys sat on the other two couches. They were all quite attractive, but one was more butch than the others and that kind of put me off. One of the softer-looking ones had a... collar, it looked like, around his neck. I decided not to question it. The third guy was mega hot. Not Jay-hot. but Jay-hot was hotter than a ghost pepper, but whatever, you know. 

"What do you want?" Jay asked suddenly, sounding slightly unfriendly. 

They shifted uncomfortably. My nose crinkled up in disgust as the smell of a cigarette reached me. Jay seemed to notice when he glanced down at me. 

"Put the fag out, Corey," he said. 

The butch-looking man extinguished the cigarette in between his fingers at once in the ash tray on the coffee table in front of him. 

"I told you I'd be busy all weekend, why are you here?" Jay asked, sounding curious as well as pissed off. 

I noticed all three pairs of eyes were pinned on me, making me feel self-conscious. 

"This is Kaidan. Kaidan, this is Corey--" He gestured to the muscular guy. "--Nick and Ollie." He pointed to the hot guy and then to the collared guy. "My friends."

"Hi," they all said, a little smile of their faces. 

"Hello," I muttered awkwardly, keeping my eyes on the floor. 

"New boyfriend?" the hot guy, Nick, asked. 

"No," I said quickly. 

Jay smiled and chuckled slightly. "Just training him for Rob, that's all."

That's all this was. I'd be done soon enough and then I'd never see him again. I knew that was what was going to happen, right from the beginning I'd knew. But why did my chest feel empty when I thought about it?

(A/N Awww, wittle Kaidan's in loooooove! Will he realise his feelings for Jay? Hehe. I was thinking about this earlier and I realised this is probably going to be a 
very
 long story; 32 chapters and not even got into Kaidan's porn career yet. Oh wellll! Thank you to everybody for the birthday wishes :) This chapter's dedicated to CaityJadeF for her comment ~Beka)

# Chapter Thirty-Three

I pushed the empty feeling from my chest and focused on the room we were in again. When I looked up, my eyes immediately landed on Ollie, I think. 

"Why are you wearing a collar?" I blurted out before quickly covering my mouth with my hands. 

He grinned slightly and touched it reverently, holding onto the dog tag that hung off the front. 

"I'm a slave," he said, sounding proud. 

"A slave? Isn't that... illegal?" I asked.

He shook his head a little. "Well, slavery is but this kind isn't. I belong to my Master. I have to be back home soon anyway."

"You belong to him...? So he, what, controls your life?"

"Yes," Ollie said simply, still smiling widely. 

"I don't understand..." I said quietly, glancing between him and Jay as if he'd explain, which he did. 

"He's a submissive, kitten," Jay said, stroking my arm with his thumb where his hand rested. "He wants to be owned, and his Master wants to own him. I think it's a beautiful sort of relationship. Especially when you're as in love as those two are."

I looked back at Ollie and he was blushing happily. 

"How long have you been together?" I asked, curious about his lifestyle. 

"Seven years, although for the first two he didn't love me, I was just a slave to be used," he replied. 

"I can't imagine having a life like that... Just being used for someone else's pleasure..." I trailed off, thinking. 

"You best get used to it," the tougher guy, Corey, said with a short tone to his voice. I frowned at him. "You're going into porn, idiot. If you want hearts and flowers, this life isn't for you."

"Leave him alone, Corey," the hot one, Nick, said to him. His voice was just as hot as he was. 

"What? He needs to get over this idea that he's going to be able to hold down a relationship with all this shit," Corey said. 

"Shut it," Jay snapped, glaring at him over my head. "Leave him be. We all have our reasons for what we do."

"Yeah, we sure do. But what about yours, Jaimie?" Corey asked, making Jay flinch and tense. "Just because your daddy liked you so much that he--"

"
Shut up!
" I surprised everyone by practically screaming at him. 

His eyes went wide as he stared at me. I could even feel Jay's eyes on me though his body relaxed against mine. 

"Get out," I told him, trying to keep my voice strong. 

"Why should I? Who are you to tell me what to do?" he scoffed.

"Let's go, Corey," Ollie said, quickly standing up to drag up his friend. 

"No, I'm not going to let this stupid little bitch tell me what to do!"

Jay tensed again and slowly picked me up out of his lap, placing me on the sofa beside him. He stood up, the muscles in his shoulders standing out because they were so tense. 

"Get out. Now. No one talks to my guests like that," Jay said. His voice was cold. It was the only sound in the whole house, and it struck genuine fear into my heart. 

"Guests? I'm a guest too!" Corey exclaimed. 

"Yes but you're not him, so leave."

"You are so fucking whipped, Jay," he laughed mirthlessly. "How long have you known him? A day? A week? You're already in love with him. You've known me for years!"

Jay's hands were turning into fists, making me worry for the men stood in front of him. I stood quickly and loosely took hold of his arm, tugging a little. 

"Come on, let's go and shower, Jay," I said gently, trying to pull him away with one hand and stroking his arm with the other. He didn't move. "Jay, I really want a shower, come with me? Please?"

This time his eyes slid to me and I managed to pull him a little towards me. I smiled up at him and pulled him a little further. 

"Please?" I pouted pleadingly. "Kitten wants a shower."

A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth and he let me pull him from the room. I shot a glance to the guys Jay had called his 'friends' and took hold of his hand, pulling him away. Once we were in the hall, I leaned up and kissed him gently. 

"I really do want a shower though; I have lube in my hair," I reminded him.

He smiled slightly and nodded, taking the lead and pulling me upstairs and back into his room, slamming the door behind us slightly. He started towards a door on the other side of the large room but I stopped him, pulling him into my arms instead, wrapping them around him tightly. 

He hesitated before holding me back, one arm wrapped around my waist and his other hand resting on the back of my head. He sighed and set his cheek on top of my head. 

"Your friends are dicks," I said. 

I felt his smile against my scalp.

(A/N I really hate this side of Corey XD Was pissed off just writing this but all will be explained soooooon! This chapter's dedicated to wanderingsouls for being sad for Kaidan with me :( Hopefully everything will be okay in the end #TeamKay4eva <3 ~Beka)

# Chapter Thirty-Four

(A/N This chapter is dedicated to Shawal23 for pointing out that Kaidan has claws! ;D ~Beka)

"They really are dicks. Ollie seems nice though," I said, trying to make him smile again. 

"He's lovely. Peacekeeper of the group," Jay replied quietly, playing in my hair.

"Seriously, what is Corey's problem?" I asked. 

He sighed a little and pulled away. I panicked internally but calmed down a little when he took my hand again and led me into the bathroom. 

"He's been in love with me for years, apparently," he murmured as he fiddled with the bottle in the walk in shower. He slowly came to a stop. "I don't do love, Kaidan... Not for a very long time..."

"Why not?" I asked and instantly regretted it. 

He tensed, even more than he had downstairs. I shrunk slightly into myself where I stood, wanting to just take it back but knowing it was too late now. 

"I... It makes me panic. To think that someone loves me. I shouldn't be loved. I'm not worthy of it," he whispered. 

My heart shattered at his words. 

"Jay... Everyone deserves love, no matter--"

"No," he suddenly interrupted. "Not everyone. Not me."

"But why? I don't understand."

He shook his head and slowly turned to face me. He looked as if he were about to start crying, breaking my heart even further. 

"Jay..." I trailed off, taking a step towards him. He stepped back.

"No, Kaidan, don't... Please. Don't pity me," he said, taking a deep shaky breath. 

I ignored him and stayed quiet as I started to strip. I ignored as his eyes trailed over me. What surprised me was that I didn't feel self-conscious, I felt sexy... When I was naked, I walked towards him slowly. This time he didn't step back. 

I slipped my fingers into the sweatpants he had on and used my grip on them to pull him, as reluctant as he was, towards me. 

I kissed my jaw gently, and then moved down to his neck, licking gently at it. 

"Kaidan," he whispered. 

"Shut up," I said forcefully and he did as he was told. 

I slowly and softly kissed down his chest until I was on my knees in front of him. The cold hard tiles pressed into my knees but I didn't complain. I just wanted to cheer him up. I kissed his hip bone and then slowly down his leg until his trousers were on the floor. I stood then. 

"Step out of them," I ordered. Again, he did as I said without question. 

His eyes were curious and a little worried as he looked at me silently. I put my hands flat on his chest and pushed him into the walk-in shower. It was spacious; there was more than enough room for the two of us. 

I turned it on and shivered as the first spray was absolutely freezing. He didn't seem to react at all, just watching me quietly. The water turned very warm within a matter of seconds. 

Jay's eyelashes started to stick together as water droplets clung to them. I moved closer to him and the only movement he made was his eyes following me. I leant up on my tiptoes to kiss him softly. He hesitated before kissing me back. 

Slowly he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me against him. I put my arms around his neck and pulled away a little to smile at him. His lips flicked up into a little smile of their own. 

I gasped in surprise as my feet suddenly left the floor and my back was pressed against the wall. Jay's hands were securely holding onto the underside of my thighs and lifting me up so my face was level with his. 

I wrapped my legs around his waist and pulled him closer, using my heels to press his hips against me. I moaned a little as his semi pressed against my backside. My eyes fluttered shut and my head fell back against the tiled wall. 

"God, Kaidan..." he trailed off, resting his head on my shoulder. I held him against me and stroked the back of his head. "You're crazy..."

I grinned a little, curious. "Why?" I asked. 

He smiled slightly and kissed the crook of my neck. 

"You cheered me up, kitten... No one can ever do that..."

That made me happy... Really happy...

"I have self esteem problems apparently. And people wonder why..." He scoffed a little and sighed, pressing closer against me. 

I stroked his back slowly, considering my next words very carefully. 

"Why?" I asked quietly. 

He sighed again. "I guess it's okay for you to know..." He took a deep breath and looked at me. "My dad, he..."

(A/N Cliffhangeeeer! Question, would you guys prefer longer but less regular chapters or this length and more regular? I prefer this length because it means I get more regular feedback from you guys! :) but let me know what you would prefer ~Beka)

# Chapter Thirty-Five

I stroked over Jay's back slowly as I watched him. I wanted him to know I was here for him. 

"He... When I was young... It started when I was about 8... He used to come into my room at night and he'd do things to me... Touch me..." he said quietly, his body trembling a little. 

"It's okay," I whispered. My lips ghosted over his skin to try and calm him down. "Don't worry, it's okay."

"When I was about 10... He..." He took a shaky breath. "He raped me... My mum went away on business for a few weeks and he r-raped me..."

It was kind of what I'd been expecting but it still hurt, unbelievably so, to hear him say it. I tightened my arms around him. 

"What happened?" I asked gently. 

"When Mummy got back... She found out and she didn't care... She just... let him... She didn't stop him," he whispered against my neck. 

"Jay..." I started, trying to let him know he didn't need to continue but he didn't seem to notice and just kept going. 

"And he would rape me, over and over again, until I was bleeding so much I was hospitalised for two weeks..."

He was crying now, sobbing into my neck. I held him closer, stroking his back and hair. 

"Sometimes I have n-nightmares that he's been released and h-he's going to come after me..."

For the first time I could hear fear in his voice. His hands were trembling as he held me against the wall. I managed to get down so my feet were on the floor. I let him keep his arms wrapped tightly around my chest as I reached for a bottle of shampoo. 

I squirted some into my hand and massaged it into his scalp. He looked up at me through teary eyes. 

"Close those beautiful eyes," I said quietly and kissed his nose. 

He closed them immediately and just let me wash his hair. When I was finished with that, I grabbed the only sponge on a small shelf and squirted some body wash onto it, rubbing it over his skin gently. 

He sniffed. He seemed to be calming down. When I was finished, he was watching me quietly. 

"Now for the inside," I murmured, smiling as I leant up and kissed him softly. 

He hesitated before kissing back, pulling me close against him again. We kept kissing as he washed my hair too and then just put some body wash into his hands so he could touch me while he cleaned me. 

"Jay..." I whispered as I pulled away a little. 

"I'm sorry for being such a baby about it," he murmured, not meeting my eyes. 

I just stared at him in silent surprise for so long that he slowly dragged his eyes up to meet mine. I smacked his cheek oh-so-gently. 

"Don't be silly, Jay," I scolded quietly. "You're not a baby at all. And if you are, you're my baby."

I suddenly realised what I'd said and the romantic meaning behind it. Just as I was about to open my mouth to take it back, a small smile graced his lips and he pulled me against him again. 

"The lube's all gone by the way," he muttered. 

I smiled and hugged him back. "Thank you."

"Don't worry." All was quiet for a little while. "Thank you...."

"What for?" I asked, a little confused. 

"Being so... you. Understanding."

"Can I ask a question?" I said hesitantly. He just nodded. "Why did Corey call you Jaimie?"

He sighed a little. "My name isn't really Jay... It's just a nickname I used to have... Jaimie is my real name... It's what... 
he
 used to call me so I changed it."

I was quiet for a few moments, taking it in. "Well, you're just Jay to me. I have to admit, it's much sexier too."

His smile widened, as I'd intended. He turned the shower off and scooped me up into his arms suddenly, making me yelp in surprise. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he cradled my body close to his and carried me back through to the bedroom.

"Are you hungry?" he asked as he set me down on the bed.

"A little."

I glanced at the clock, surprised to see it was past 5. Jesus, what had we been doing that took so much time! We couldn't have been in the shower 
that 
long...

"I want takeout," he said quietly, getting a few menus out of a drawer. 

He came back and handed me one. I wrapped myself in the duvet like a caterpillar and looked over it. Jay sat on the bed - duvet-less - with his legs crossed, utterly silent as he pored over it. 

"Will you pick for me? I don't know what most of this is," I admitted, blushing a  little. 

He smiled and reached over to grab his mobile, tapping in the number on the menus and spoke to the person on the other end, ordering chicken chow mein and king prawn fried rice. 

I looked up at him, thinking, as he did. 

He really was amazing...

(A/N Hope this chapter wasn't too crappy :/ Not happy with it really but not sure why. Let me know what you think. Majority said this length and regular so I'll stick to how I do it now :) Chapter dedicated to Lex_The_Loner for making me laugh >.< ~Beka)

# Chapter Thirty-Six

When Jay was finished on the phone, he dropped it onto the bed and crawled over to me. He sat on top of me where I was laying and put his hands either side of my head. I bit my lip as I looked up at him.

"You are cute, you know," he murmured as he looked down at me.

I blushed. "So you like to say..."

He grinned a little and tried to unravel me from the duvet. I pulled it tighter round me and pressed back into the mattress.

Jay laughed a little and kisses me deeply all of a sudden, sliding his tongue into my mouth. I moaned a little and wrapped my arms around his neck. He pulled away and grinned triumphantly. I frowned at him.

Suddenly the duvet was ripped off me and I squealed loudly, jumping. He laughed and lay down on me, though making sure he wasn't crushing me.

I blushed a bright pink. He grinned and kissed my neck softly, making me shiver a little.

"Jay..." I murmured.

"What, kitten?" He grinned against my skin.

"The takeaway guy might come soon..."

He chuckled a little and nuzzled my neck with his nose. I giggled slightly and blushed again at the girly noise that just came out of my mouth.

He got up off me and I looked up at him, a little confused. He only smiled and went back into the bathroom, returning with our clothes. He threw the ones I'd had on to me and pulled on his sweatpants. 

"Get dressed," he said, smiling softly. 

Standing from the bed, I dressed quickly and opened my mouth to ask him where we were going but suddenly his tongue was in it and he was kissing me. I yelped, taken by surprise. He pulled away just as quickly as he'd pounced at me. Okay, so 
pounced
 wasn't the right word but the idea behind it was there...

Jay took my hand, taking me down the stairs and into a room we hadn't been in yet. I gasped as I looked around. The white leather sofas were angled perfectly and there was a giant TV on the wall... This was just...

"Do you like it?" he asked, looking at me as we stood just inside of the room. 

"Like it...? Yes, definitely. This is just... amazing," I breathed.

The high ceiling held long lights on wires, resembling a chandelier, and the black marble wood-burning fireplace was the perfect feature piece. 

He smiled and took me to one of the couches, sitting down on it. He pulled me into his lap and lay down, with me against him. Dragging a large black blanket off the back of the couch, he draped it over us and turned the TV on. 

"Now we just wait for food," he said quietly and kissed my hair. 

I didn't watch whatever he'd put on the telly. I spent the whole time with my eyes closed and enjoying the feeling of his body cuddled around mine. When my eyes weren't closed, they were fixed on him, looking up at him and wondering how anybody could ruin such a beautiful person. 

Jay was simply perfection. He was hot, didn't show it off more than he had to and he'd taken such care with me, despite not getting in return for the training he gave me. Suddenly a thought occurred to me. Was he getting anything out of this? He'd had a few orgasms, sure, but other than that...? Some nice hugs?

I looked up at him. 

"Are you getting paid?" I asked suddenly. 

He frowned deeply and looked down at me. 

"For what?"

"For training me. What are you getting out of it?"

"Nothing. Why?"

I thought for a few moments. "So you just... What, take in people and train them to be porn stars for free?"

"Near enough," Jay said, only frowning more. He stroked my arm, seemingly absent-mindedly. "Why? What are you worrying about?"

I shrugged and settled my head on his bare chest again. He just turned my face back. 

"No, what?" he asked, a harder tone to his voice. 

"Well, I just... I don't understand. It must be really frustrating for you, having to deal with unprofessionals like us when you're so... you..." I trailed off, my brain wandering into other lands. 

"Yeah, it is," he confirmed. Despite the fact I'd just said it, it kind of surprised me to hear him admit it. "With everyone except you."

My eyes widened in surprise as I stared at him. 

"Oh..."

(A/N Hope you liked this chapter. Manly Jay is back for all of those who were worrying ;) Thank you to everyone for the feedback on the last chapter, I was worried I'd overdone or underdone the drama :/ Chapter dedicated to XBruisedandScarredX for getting up at two in the morning to read previous chapter :* ~Beka)

# Chapter Thirty-Seven

"Everyone else thinks that just because they've been accepting into a porn agency that they're so hot and sexy and they're 'the bomb' as someone once actually said to me," Jay started, talking to me as he watched the TV, although I wasn't quite sure whether he was really watching it or not. "But with you... There's nothing in your mind to suggest that you've been the best thing to happen to any sexual partner you've had, that you've rocked their world, whatever. You're just, you, and I love that."

I blushed and peeked up at him. He was looking down at me now, his eyes curiously bright. 

"Alright then," I mumbled, resting my head on his bare chest again. 

He laughed a little and stroked my hair. I closed my eyes, just letting myself be happy for now and not focus on what was going to happen after we were done. 

After a few minutes of quiet except for the telly, the doorbell went. I groaned as Jay slid out from underneath me. I was suddenly cold at the loss of his warmth and pulled the blanket round me, curling up a little. 

I heard his deep voice as he spoke with the delivery guy. He laughed at something and I smiled at the sound. The door shut and the smell of food set my stomach going. 

"Hungry?" he asked, grinning widely. I nodded a little. 

He sat on the floor near my head, his back against the couch I was lying on. I sat up as he passed me mine and I opened it slowly. 

"This looks nice," I said, smiling a little. 

"It's lovely. These meals are pretty much my life." I laughed and started eating with the plastic fork he passed me from the plastic bag. "No, seriously, this is pretty much all I eat."

"What, seriously? Why?" I asked, frowning slightly.

He blushed slightly, looking a little abashed as he practically hid his face behind his food. He mumbled his answer to my question. 

"Huh?" 

"I can't use the cooker in my kitchen..." he muttered.

"Really? Aww, that's cute," I smiled as I ruffled his hair, my meal in its box balancing in my lap.

"Oh shut up..." he grumbled, blushing more. 

"I don't even own a working oven and I know how to use one," I grinned. 

He looked up at me for a few moments, chewing silently. He swallowed and continued eating as he turned away from me again. 

"What?" I asked, confused. 

"Well, you know how we're going clothes shopping tomorrow?" he replied. 

"Yeah... So?"

"I'm getting you a new apartment too."

I choked on the food in my mouth, coughing. I managed to swallow it before it could go all over Jay's white expensive-looking tile floor. 

"I'm sorry, what?" 

He can't have just said that. There was no way he just said that. 

He shrugged and glanced at me.

"I own quite a few properties and some are empty so you can stay in one," he said non-chalantly. 

"Um... Right... Okay... Sure..." I said quietly, trying to take it in. "I'll pay rent, of course."

He just laughed a little and shook his head. 

"No, babe, don't worry about that, it's fine."

"I can't do that, Jay, I have to do something if you insist on doing that!"

He rolled his eyes. "Fine then, you can pay me in cuteness."

"And what exactly does that entail?" I raised an eyebrow, not caring that he wouldn't see. 

"You continuing to be you: cute little Kaidan," he smiled up at me. 

"Right..." I couldn't process this. This was just insane. 
He
 was insane! 

We continued in silence for a while before he set his now empty tub aside. I could hardly cram any more in, there was just so much of it. 

"I have a feeling you don't like to waste things." I jumped at the sound of his voice. 

He was facing me now, his cheek on the edge of the sofa as he looked up at me. I blushed a little.

"I hate waste... I can't afford to waste whatever I get when I'm on my own..."

"Why?" he asked. "Why are you so broke? Surely your parents'll help you?"

I fell quiet and slowly set my box down, pulling the blanket around me again. 

"They're dead," I said quietly. His eyes widened. 

"Kaidan, I'm so sorry, I didn't--"

"Don't worry," I interrupted him. "You didn't know. I had quite a happy childhood, but my mum was a smoker and my dad was a gambler. All they left me when they died in a shooting at my house when the people my dad owed money to came to collect the debt. I was camping in the garden at the time... My cousin moved in to look after me."

"What about him?" Jay asked softly. 

"He hates me." I shrugged. It was just a matter of fact now. "All my parents left me was debt so I've worked since I was 16. Most of it was rescinded my the loan companies but I still had to pay a bit."

"So what do you do for work now?"

I opened my mouth to answer before my eyes went wide in shock. 

"I think I've probably lost that job by now..."

(A/N Boring chapter? Seems it to me but now we know about Kaidan's past. Not quite as depressing as Jay's but still not nice. Chapter dedicated to Silvertemper for the amazing comments on nearly all the chapters :3 This song just made me laugh when I thought about Jay singing it to Kaidan XD Dark Horse by Katy Perry ~Beka)

# Chapter Thirty-Eight

"Lost the job?" Jay asked, frowning. "I don't get it."

"I've missed, like, two shifts. I was already on my last warning," I sighed. 

"Kitten, don't worry about it. Seriously. You're not going to be staying in that shitty apartment anymore - no offence -  and when we're done you'll have one of the best paying jobs for effort in the world."

I nodded a little, staying quiet.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked gently, looking up at me from where he was resting his head on the couch. 

I shrugged. "Nothing."

He just raised an eyebrow challengingly and waited. It was a few moments before I responded. 

"I just... I feel... close to you, after everything and I don't want to just... never talk to you again once we're finished..." I felt awkward admitting it and looked away from him as I waited for him to laugh at me. 

He was quiet for what felt like a year so I looked back to him slowly. He was looking at me curiously as if he was thinking. It was only when I opened my mouth to say something that he spoke.

"Do you really think that once you're ready, I'm just going to push you away and leave you on your own?" he asked. I hesitated before nodding a little. He sighed slightly and rubbed his face with his hands. "Kaidan, you will need a shoulder to cry on, especially in an industry like this, you will need a friend who won't judge, who will understand. Someone who will try out new things with you without it being awkward. I'm happy to be that someone for you if you want."

I stared at him in surprise, stunned into silence. He stood and walked over to the TV. He opened the cupboard underneath it. 

"What do you want to watch?" he asked. I blinked a little confused. Was he seriously suggesting we watch porn together? "A film. What sort of film would you like to watch?"

"Oh..." I blushed a little at the thoughts in my head. He rolled his eyes as if he could guess what I had been thinking. "Shut up," I mumbled. 

I thought about what I wanted to watch with him. I didn't think a comedy was right for the atmosphere, romance just.... no. Horror? Horror was good for cuddles....

"What about a horror film?" I said. 

He was already putting a DVD into the player built into the TV. 

"Thought you might say that. This is a good one," he said, smiling as he came back to me. 

Jay sat on the sofa again and pulled me between his legs. He lay back and intertwined his legs with mine. We seemed to fit together perfectly. I thought about that as I made sure the blanket was over him too, smiling to myself. 

He kissed my hair gently and wrapped his arms around my chest, pulling me closer. I smiled wider at his warmth and snuggled into him. 

The film seemed pretty boring at first. That was until I practically screamed and hid under the blanket about 20 minutes in. 

Jay laughed and stroked my sides. 

"Relax, Kaidan, it's just a film," he said softly. 

"It's a scary film!" I whined. 

I could practically sense him rolling his eyes at me. 

"Come here," he said. 

Carefully I was being lifted from where I was to his side. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly. 

"I'll protect you," he said quietly as he kissed my cheek. 

I blushed but couldn't deny the wonderful spread of happiness in my belly. Just to hear those words... 

There was something seriously wrong with me. 

I smiled more anyway and cuddled further into his arms, feeling safe now. 

As the film went on, I buried myself further and further into his side until I was practically pushing him off the couch. When the scary bits were over and the film was finishing, he tilted my face up and kissed me. 

I quickly focused my attention on him instead of my racing heart and the adrenaline racing through my veins. He licked at my bottom lip and didn't wait for me to open my mouth for him before he slid his tongue into me. I moaned a little as he gently caressed my tongue with his. 

The TV faded to black and the credits started to roll. Jay moved slightly and slid me underneath him so he was straddling my hips. He pulled away from my lips and dragged the tip of his tongue along my jaw, making me moan slightly again. 

"Jay..." I panted. 

He kissed my neck, sucking hard, licking at the skin there. I moaned louder and knew I was going to have a bruise there in the morning. 

When he was happy with his handiwork, he kissed quickly up to my ear. I shivered as his hot breath hit my skin. 

"Are you ready to lose your virginity, kitten?" he whispered.

(A/N Woo! Kaidan's first time next chapter - at last! Been so looking forward to doing it! Hope you guys liked this :D Chapter dedicated to Leksia for reassuring me the chapter wasn't boring ~Beka)

# Chapter Thirty-Nine

"So? Are you ready?" Jay whispered against my skin. 

I took a shaky breath and nodded. I wanted him so badly...

"Kaidan, answer me," he ordered quietly. 

"Yes! Oh, fuck yes..." I gasped out. 

He chuckled against my neck and picked me up, throwing me over his shoulder. I yelped, only making him laugh again. I watched the living room fade away as I was carried from it and upstairs. I felt a hand slap my arse and I yelped again. 

"Jay!" I exclaimed. 

He laughed again and dropped me onto the bed. He crawled onto the bed and up my body. He kissed my jaw and down my neck. He practically ripped my shirt off me, making me yelp as it was pulled over my head.

A nipple was sucked into his mouth, making me gasp and arch. I ran my hands over his back, grateful that he wasn't wearing a T-shirt. His hips pressed against mine and rubbed hard. I moaned and my fingers dug into his back, no doubt leaving little pink marks. 

"Jay," I whispered, try to get him to hurry up. "Stop teasing and get on with it, idiot."

He chuckled against my chest and looked up at me through his lashes, continuing his onslaught on my nipples. I moaned loudly and whined slightly when he pulled away. 

"This is what makes sex so good, Kaidan," he whispered in my ear and nibbled on my ear lobe briefly, making me gasp. "Just let it take over..."

I nodded a little, just giving myself up to him. His palms ghosted up my sides and then down again as he kissed my jaw and neck. I tilted my head a little to give him a better angle. His hands slid into the sweatpants I was wearing and pushed them down as he ran his hands along my legs. Once they were past my knees, he stopped and came back to kiss over my chest gently. I kicked the trousers off, whining slightly when I felt the fabric of his pants still there. 

I moved my hands from where they were on his back, down to his arse. My hands slid underneath the elasticated waistband and squeezed his arse. He moaned slightly, pressing back against my hands. I pushed his pants down as quickly as I could but my arms weren't long enough to get them any further than the tops of his thighs. He knelt up and shoved them down, throwing them onto the floor. 

When he came back to me, I moaned slightly at the feeling of his whole body touching mine. His lips were on mine and I was kissing him back desperately, burying my fingers in his hair. I rubbed my hips up against his, trying to find some friction to pleasure myself. He moaned into my mouth and kissed down my body quickly to my cock. 

He took me in his hand and moved up and down slowly, making me moan again and tighten my grip on his hair. He moaned slightly and leaned down to kiss my tip. I gasped and my hips jerked of their own accord. 

Jay's tongue wrapping around me and stroking over me had me moaning loudly and lifting my hips up. 

"Please," I moaned quietly, just wanting him. 

He pulled away and crawled back up to me, kissing me again, only briefly this time. I watched intently, curious, as he reached for the bedside table and pulled out some lube and a condom. I blushed slightly, only really beginning to understand that this was seriously happening. 

"Are you still sure about this, Kaidan?" he asked quietly, kissing my jaw and neck again. 

I nodded quickly, bending my legs either side of him so he was nestled between my thighs. His warmth was stroking against my entrance slightly, making me squeeze my eyes shut in anticipation. 

Suddenly a finger was sliding into me, dry, and I moaned a little, kind of glad he fingered me earlier, to 'stretch me out' as he'd put it. 

He moved slightly and we both moaned as my muscles were just trying to suck him back in. Soon a second finger was added and he paused to allow me to get used to it. I pulled at his hair, frustrated that he'd stopped. He groaned and started moving again, quickly now. I gasped and moaned nearly every other second. 

When it came to the third finger, lube was required. I whined slightly when he pulled his fingers out, but it took only a moment before something cold and wet was pressing against me. Three fingers were sliding into me all at once. I winced and moaned simultaneously, tilting my hips up to him. He moved them slowly, building up speed quickly until I could hardly catch my breath. I hardly noticed when he added a fourth.

What had me really noticing was when he spread his fingers out slightly, trying to stretch me more. I cried out slightly in pain, and tugged at his hair. I could see he was struggling not to moan but I wasn't sure why he was stopping it. Not that I really cared in my agony-stricken moment. 

"Jay," I whimpered, trying to pull my hips away but only making it worse so I simply stilled. "Out, please. Stop it, that hurts."

He used his other hand to wipe away a tear falling down my cheek. 

"I know it hurts, kitten, but try to relax. Relax and it'll stop soon, I promise," he said gently in a hushed tone. 

I whined slightly. "Just take them out, please, Jay..."

"I don't want to tear you... I don't want you to bleed." My eyes flew open at his words, staring at him in shock. "It happens sometimes," he said softly, "and you're so tight that I don't want to hurt you."

I closed my eyes again, just trying to block out those words - permanently - from my mind. I didn't want to think about tearing, or bleeding... I thought sex was supposed to be nice!

Eventually I relaxed as the pain subsided and he slowly pulled his fingers out, making me gasp. I heard foil ripping and looked up to see Jay slipping on a condom. I blushed slightly, especially when he was adding more lube to the already pre-lubed condom. Was it really going to be that bad...?

He leant down, supporting himself above me on his hands. 

"Just relax," he said quietly before he kissed me. 

I kissed him back, trying to prepare myself, probably tensing more. He used one hand to guide his cock to my entrance and I made a funny whine into his mouth as it touch me. I felt him smile slightly and he slowly started to slide in. I gasped at the feeling, unsure whether it was good or bad, or even both. 

"Jay...?" I whispered. His head was buried in my neck and he was breathing heavily. 

"Christ, Kaidan... You're just... Fuck..." 

I frowned slightly in worry as Jay was unable to form a sentence more than four syllables long. I moaned a little when I felt him move inside me slightly. I gasped when I realised he wasn't even all the way in and whimpered when he slid further inside of me. 

When he was all the way in and I could feel his skin pressing against my arse, I was fighting tears again. It hurt... So much more than I thought it might. Jay's lips pressing softly against my neck, jaw, collarbone, chest, did little to comfort me and I guessed I would just have to wait. 

We stayed like that for a minute before he moved slightly, pulling out before slowly moving in again. I moaned a little, the pain mostly gone. He kept up his slow, steady rhythm though I could tell he was struggling to not speed up. 

I finally moaned in complete pleasure, all the pain gone. He sighed as if in relief and began to move quicker, thrusting into me as gently as he could while still keeping up speed. I moaned loudly and wrapped my legs around his waist.

He kissed my neck hard, sucking the skin into his mouth and nibbling. I moaned slightly, trying to remember if that was the same side he'd sucked when we were downstairs. Not that it mattered right now. I just wanted him to mark me as his. That was probably unhealthy but I really didn't care. 

"Fuck, Jay, harder, please," I begged breathlessly. 

He seemed to growl slightly and gladly obliged, practically slamming into me, making me scream in pleasure. My nails dug into his back and dragged down slightly. I didn't even want to think about the marks that would be there in the morning. 

I could barely contain the pleasure that quickly tingled down my spine and into my hips. I knew I was going to be coming any moment now...

"Jay," I gasped out, crying out loudly as he thrust into me especially hard, and I couldn't stop myself as I released all over the both of us. 

Jay continued for a few seconds before he came too, moaning loudly, and arching slightly. He was panting and sweaty as he held himself above me. He pulled out carefully, though I still winced. He pulled the condom off, tied it up quickly and threw it into the bin with the expertise of a practiced professional. 

I let my head fall back onto the pillows as my exhausted body sagged into the mattress. Jay's arms wrapped around me and pulled me against him as he lay beside me. 

"How was that?" he asked breathlessly, panting. 

All I could do was nod as I slipped into a comfortable darkness.

(A/N Kaidan's first time! And an extra long chapter too! Hope it's okay, and not too crappy. Thank you for your support through my little block and lack of inspiration, hope this makes up for it :) Chapter dedicated to ItsTessie for commenting on nearly every chapter in the last couple days. Really made me laugh and got me wanting to write this chapter. Might have had a little read of Best Gay Erotica 2009 to get the sexy vibes going ;) ~Beka)

# Chapter Forty

I was way too hot when I woke up. I groaned slightly and frowned, trying to roll over. Something was holding me down but I eventually managed to get onto my other side. Jay was still sleeping, he heavy arm thrown over me. I smiled widely and leaned up to kiss him softly. 

He mumbled and frowned, stirring slightly. 

"Kaidan...?" he asked quietly, opening one eye slightly. 

He smiled slightly when he saw me and closed his eye again. He groaned slightly and stretched, lifting his arm off me. I sighed in relief and he smiled wider in bemusement. 

"What?" he asked, his voice a little rough.

"I was just really hot," I said quietly, sitting up slightly and throwing the duvet off me. 

"You still are," he grinned. 

I rolled my eyes and lay down next to him again, on my side to face him. 

"Sleep well?" I asked as I leant over to kiss him softly. 

He smiled and kissed me back. "Better than I have in a long time," he said quietly, as if he was wondering about it. 

"You have such a comfy bed," I murmured, rolling onto my front, to get closer to him mainly. 

He smiled wider and stroked down my back gently, making me shiver. He continued past my hips and to my entrance. I blushed and bit my lip, hiding my face in the mattress. I heard his soft chuckle and felt his lips, cool compared to my boiling skin, press against my shoulder blade. I peeked up at him and he smiled wider. 

"Come on, let's get up. I think we both need a shower," he teased softly. 

I blushed and looked over him. He seemed mostly fine, but I didn't even want to think about my front. 

"I'll start the shower," he said and kissed me quickly before getting up and giving me a view of his beautiful body. I bit my lip as I watched him. He smirked and went into the bathroom. 

There seemed to be a bit of messing around before he was calling me and I could hear the shower running. I got up and went into the bathroom. He was waiting for me by the shower. 

I grinned and walked over to him, wrapping my arms around his waist. I leant up and kissed him gently. He kissed me back and pulled me into the shower. I shivered slightly at the sudden change of temperature and pulled away from him. He reached for the sponge and body wash, starting to wash my belly. I blushed and peeked up at him, knowing what he was cleaning away.

We spent a little while in the shower before he was satisfied we were clean enough. He turned the shower off and headed out. I watched him go and frowned, wondering why he was being so quiet. I followed him quickly.

"Jay? What's wrong?" I asked, following him into the walk-in wardrobe.

"Hm? Oh, nothing... I was just thinking..." he trailed off.

"It's obvious there's not 
nothing
 wrong, so tell me, please," I begged, standing a few feet away from him as he looked through his clothes for today. 

He sighed a little and turned around to face me, leaning back against the chest of drawers.

"I just... I was thinking about my first time," he said quietly, his eyes glazing over. 

My heart started to hurt and I walked over to him slowly, wrapping my arms around him. 

"It's okay," I said quietly, trying to reassure him, knowing he was thinking of his dad. 

"The way you say it makes me almost believe you," he muttered, stroking my back lightly. 

"You should believe me, because it's all fine. Everything's just fine. He's not here, and he never will be, but I am, so just relax and stop thinking about him. That's an order." I squeezed him tightly, just for a moment. 

I sensed his smile and looked up at him, seeing that wonderful slight curve of his lips, so genuine that it meant more than any grin or laugh he could ever show me. He kissed me softly and turned in my arms to get clothes out for the day. 

When we were both dressed, him his usual sexy self and me in jeans that were a size too big for me. I damned my small figure, but I was definitely not turning up the jeans. That was a complete no-no. I looked up from doing the belt up around my waist, to see Jay watching me. 

I blushed a little. "Oh shut up," I mumbled, walking towards him. 

He laughed slightly and took my hand. "I didn't say anything."

"I know but--" I paused. There was a strange sound of Hoovering downstairs. I looked up at Jay and he had a similar expression on his face. 

He walked slowly but purposefully down the stairs. I followed, slightly worried. 

"Jay...?" I whispered. 

"Hush, kitten," he said quietly and continued down. 

The bottom floor creaked when I stepped on it and I cringed a little, pausing. The Hoovering continued as it was. 

"Hello?" Jay called out.

"Hey!" I scolded hushedly. "Haven't you seen any horror movies?"

He grinned slightly and followed the sound into the kitchen. 

"Children, please!" he exclaimed and covered my eyes. I yelped loudly and grabbed onto his wrists. 

"Jay!" I exclaimed, pulling his hands from my face. I frowned at the sight in front of me. 

Jay's friend, Ollie I think, was in the arms of a taller guy, the Hoover we could hear forgotten on the floor. 

"They're just kissing, Jay, what's the problem?" I asked, looking up at him. 

He looked back at me bemusedly, a small smile on his face. "Alright then."

"Sorry, Jay, I was cleaning and Finny distracted me," Ollie said and blushed, looking up at who I assumed was Finny. 

Jay sighed a little and looked to me as if he was about to explain who this guy was. I ignored him and looked at Finny instead. 

"You're Ollie's Master?" I asked curiously. Everyone blinked at me in surprise. I looked around at them. "What? What did I say?"

(A/N Bit of an awkward and sad morning-after for Jay but yaaaay, Ollie! And we finally get to meet his Master, Finny. He's so cute in my head :3 hehe. Think he would be played by Tyler Posey, picture to the riiiiight! Chapter dedicated to Our_lord_satan for her simple, amazing comment on last chapter! Love you all as always! ~Beka)

# Chapter Forty-One

"How did you...?" Jay trailed curiously, looking at me. 

"You said he had a master, and I reached my own conclusions." I shrugged in response. 

"Jay's been telling you about me?" the guy, Finny, asked, glancing over at Jay. 

"Not really. Just explained to me about your... lifestyle a bit, I guess."

"You were curious?" he asked, a playful glint in his eye that no one seemed to mention.

"It's not everyday you meet someone with a collar round his neck," I pointed out. 

"Hm," he said thoughtfully, "I suppose not. Ollie, why don't you go and make Jay's bed?"

Ollie nodded and immediately started for the door. 

"Ollie, don't. I'll do it later," Jay said quickly. Ollie looked over at him, curious, and I could have sworn the two shared a look and glanced at me. I blushed. 

"Oh." Ollie stood hesitantly, not wanting to invade our privacy and the... state of the bed, but also not wanting to disobey Finny. 

"Don't worry, precious, go and tell Murphy to start the car and get ready to leave," Finny said, turning the Hoover off. Ollie relaxed and nodded, turning to the door again. "Oh and, Ollie. If you continue to be good I just might give you your key."

Ollie grinned hopefully, his eyes shining in a way that said I didn't want to know what they were talking about. He dashed out the room, practically skipping. 

Finny rolled his eyes and smiled lovingly after the excitable man. 

Jay gestured to the two sofas and went to sit down. I followed him, and so did Finny. He sat opposite us on the other couch. 

"What's up?" Jay asked, putting an arm around my waist. I smiled up at him. 

"Ollie told me about your... friend." He glanced at me as he said it. "Ollie and I were going out for dinner tonight and we were wondering if you'd like to join us."

"We wouldn't want to interrupt on your private time," Jay said. 

Finny laughed. "Jay, honey, I'm not working for the next month; Ollie and I are having plenty of private time."

Jay groaned and let his head fall back onto the cushions. "I did not need that mental image of... whips and chains..."

He just laughed again, his grin kind of cute. "You know Ollie doesn't like whips."

"Oh shut up," Jay grumbled. 

I smiled and looked up at him. "We may as well go with them. Get out the house for a little bit."

"I suppose so..." he muttered, still distracted. 

I looked up and Finny was watching me intently. I shuffled uncomfortably under his gaze, wanting to make him stop. 

"Finn, you're doing that thing again," Jay said. 

The intensity suddenly stopped as his gaze was drawn to Jay. I sighed in relief - perhaps a bit too loudly - and my shoulders sagged. 

"Sorry, Kaidan," Finny said, sounding sincere in his apology. "You're just... interesting."

"Interesting how?" I asked, curious. 

"You seem... Very inexperienced..." Finny murmured thoughtfully. 

I blushed. "I am..."

"Hm..." His eyes continued to drag over me and Jay's arm tightened around my waist. 

"Stop sizing him up like a new sub, Finn," Jay said sharply, possessively even. Finny jumped a little and looked back to Jay. "He's way too young for you, anyway, and 
not
 sub enough for you."

I interrupted Finny before he could reply. "Why do you say that like he's looking for other... subs? When he's got Ollie."

"I have submissives other than Ollie."

I couldn't stop my jaw dropping in surprise. "
What
?"

"Ollie knows, kitten. It was Ollie's idea, right?" Jay said, trying to make me understand. 

"But... Why?"

"I have needs that sometimes Ollie can't satisfy. He didn't want me to leave him so he helped me choose a few subs to train up," Finn explained, only confusing me further. 

"He does kind of like it the way they look up to him, he just won't admit it," Jay grinned. 

Finn laughed and nodded. "Very true." He stood. "I best be off before Ollie comes back, begging for his key."

Jay rolled his eyes. "The poor boy."

Finny chuckled to himself and said he'd see us later, and left. The silence was nice as I tried to think about what they'd said. Why... I shook my head, thinking that I'd never understand. 

"Now, let's get dressed and then go and get you some new clothes. I know the perfect place."

His wicked and cheeky grin did not inspire excitement in my stomach.

(A/N Hope this chapter was okay, next one will be much better! Promise! Clothes shopping + Jay = some weird shit going down! Exams all week next week so no updates. May be able to get another one out tonight after a SP update. Chapter dedicated to amcdaniel76 for saying the words we're all thinking! ~Beka)

# Chapter Forty-Two

My face blanched as I looked at myself in the mirror. This. Day. Was. Awful! I hid my face in my hands and sat down on the little bench in the fitting room. 

"Kitten? How is it?" Jay asked from on the other side of the curtain. I hadn't allowed him in yet. 

"Fine..." I murmured. 

"You've said that about all the others you've tried on," he pointed out. "Can I see?"

"No!" I exclaimed, though he was already lifting the curtain. 

He froze and stared at me in surprise. I grabbed his arm and pulled him in so the curtain wasn't hanging wide open as I stood, worse than naked. His eyes dragged over me slowly, making me feel uncomfortable. I fiddled with my fingers and looked at the floor. I look up at him after a few moments to ask something.

I yelped as I was suddenly lifted up and pushed against the wall, my practically bare legs over his hips. 

"Fuck, Kaidan..." he growled slightly. 

"You like it...?" I asked hesitantly. 

"Like it? I fucking jumped for joy when I saw you pick it up."

I blushed even more. "Did we have to come to a lingerie place...? Isn't shopping online enough?"

"But then we can't have this wonderful experience. If we're quiet, we could have sex right here."

I shook my head, almost quickly. Sex standing up? I mean, it would only be my second time...

"What did you say this was called...?" I asked hesitantly. 

"It's a white lace basque. Beautiful if you ask me."

"Well, nobody did," I grumbled, pouting slightly. 

I closed my eyes slightly to mentally examine my body. My legs felt funny. The white stockings I had on had a black lace strip around the top and were attached to a stocking belt (that's what I was told anyway). The belt was hardly covering my arse, which was drafty and uncomfortably spread from the position Jay had me in against the wall and the G-string sliding further up.

The G-string was something Jay had stuck into the basket while at the clothes shop and then forced me into when we got into the changing rooms here. This one was scarlet, or 'whore red' as Jay so eloquently put it. 

The offending item that had my masculinity running for the hills was the 'white lace basque'. It was tight against my body and the laces that went from each side all round the back to meet up with the other side would undoubtedly leave pressure marks on my skin. 

Overall, I had to admit: I looked good. Much better than all the other things Jay had forced into my hands. Even the red stilettos - matching the G-string almost perfectly - that currently adorned my airborne feet looked good. 

I felt sexy.

Despite the blush over my cheeks. 

"Put me down," I muttered, fiddling with the collar of his shirt. He did as he was asked without another word.

It suddenly occurred to me why Jay had forced me into the disabled fitting room, much larger than the rest: he wanted to join me. Two could play at that game. 

As soon as my heels clicked on the linoleum flooring, I wobbled as sexily and seductively as I could possibly achieve over to where he'd put the bags in the corner. I spread my legs shoulder-width apart and leant down to 'look through the bags'. His groan and hitched breath was exactly what I was aiming for. 

I pretended I hadn't heard and picked something up from the bag, the first thing I could find; a clean non-holey pair of boxers. I bit my lip, wondering what to do with them briefly, before turning around slowly and holding them against crotch. 

"Which do you prefer?" I asked as sweetly as I could, tilting my hips slightly

"Thong. Definitely... the thong," he whispered breathlessly, staring at me. 

"Well, maybe if you ask nicely I'll start wearing them more."

"Please! Please, Kaidan, wear them more. They make you look so fucking hot, please," he begged, whining slightly. 

I bit my lip, kind of enjoying this, his reaction. I might actually wear them more, ladies' underwear or not. I already had a full on set of lingerie on and apparently I looked more attractive than most actual women do. That's what Jay had said when we'd picked it up. I had no idea just how serious he was when he said it. 

"Change. Now. I want to go and choose an apartment so I can fuck you so hard you can't walk."

I gasped in surprise at his words and tightened my grip on the boxers. Well... I best get changed. 

(A/N Sorry it's been so long. Got a week off so will do my best to get a couple KM and SP chapters up. Photo ----> is how I imagined the basque Kaidan was wearing. Plus, that girl is SUPER hot. Chapter dedicated to ItsTessie for managing to read TFIOS and live. Can't deal with sad books right now... ~Beka)

# Chapter Forty-Three

I'm pretty sure Jay was speeding. The speedo on the dash was - lucky for him - hidden from my view. Besides, I'm pretty sure I saw a camera flash as we sped past it. 

"Jay, my arse will still be here if we drive at the speed limit," I pointed out, making myself blush. 

"I don't care," was his simple brash response. "I want you now, not in an hour's time."

"An hour? It'll take that long to get there?"

Jay let out a frustrated sigh, hopefully with himself and not me...

"No, kitten, I was just making a point. Besides, you're too hot to leave for too long. The apartment we're going to is one of my favourites; I think you'll like it."

"If it's your favourite, why don't you live there?" I asked curiously. 

"Because I've just completely paid off my mortgage on the house. I'm not leaving it for an apartment. I like my house anyway. My pillows smell of you."

I blushed an embarrassed pink and peeked up at him. Oh, God, he was serious about that.

"They smell of me...? So?" I asked quietly, fiddling with my fingers in my lap. 

"I love them like that. I don't want to wash them. Of course, I could just keep you for a little bit, I suppose." His grin was wide but his eyes were... Disappointed, it looked like. Disappointed that I'd be hanging round?

"What if I wouldn't let you?" I challenged, a small smile on my own lips. My body was practically sideways in my seat just so I could look at him. I loved just looking at him, probably more than I should. He was absolutely stunning though.

"Oh, I have my ways," he teased softly, a certain lustful edge to his voice. 

I leaned over a little, subtly I hoped, to glance at the speedometer. He was doing the speed limit, like I'd asked. 

"How long will it take to get to the apartment?" I asked. 

"About ten minutes," he replied, chewing on his bottom lip. 

"Faster," I said simply. 

"Huh?" He looked over at me briefly with a bemused frown on his face. 

"Drive faster."

His frown instantly turned into a grin. 

"Yes, kitten," he said, and put his foot down. 

***

Walking into the apartment complex, I was too surprised to notice Jay's salacious smirk and the glint in his eye. The entrance hall was simply beautiful; marble flooring and a large painted mural on the wall. The relatively small glass chandelier hanging from the ceiling glittered wondrously in the bright but soft lights. 

"Jay, this is..." I trailed, unable to think of a good enough word to describe it. 

"It's beautiful, I know, whatever," he muttered quickly, leading me by the hand to the elevators. 

Once he'd pressed the button for the fourth floor out of seven and the doors were closing behind us, there was a soft thump and suddenly I was pressed against the wall of the elevator. 

"Jay!" I gasped out in surprise as I was slightly winded. 

His warm lips immediately attacked my jaw, kissing, sucking and nipping their way to my ear. My breathing picked up slightly and I wrapped my arms around his neck, a hand in his hair. 

"Jay..." I said softly, almost a moan. 

I glanced at the floor behind him. The bags of shopping were on the floor. So that's what the thump was. 

My mind was instantly distracted as Jay's hot tongue licked at the shell of my ear slightly. He moved down to my neck and kissed at the spot he'd identified as my 'sweet spot', he'd called it. 

"God, Kaidan..." he murmured, practically a growl against my skin. "The sight of you in that basque got me so hard... You know that?"

Suddenly his erection was pressed against the top of my crotch, making me moan a little. I lifted a leg slightly, subconsciously, to wrap it around his. He picked me up, enabling me to wrap my legs around his waist and hold him close that way. He rocked his hips against mine slowly, setting up a rhythm that had me whimpering in need, wanting more. 

"Jay," I whined. "Please..."

The doors slid open and a virtual bell dinged, making me jump in surprise. 

"Yes... Oh God, kitten, yes. Give me one minute and I'll have you on the bed, naked and waiting."

I moaned and nodded quickly. He set me down and picked up the bags he'd dropped unceremoniously to jump me. I grabbed hold of his hand and we practically ran out the lift. There were three doors. One said stairs and I assumed the others were apartments. Jeez, how big was each apartment? Jay led me to the door on our right and fumbled, one-handed, with the keys, managing to get it into the lock and throw the door open. It banged loudly against the wall behind it. 

"Sorry, door," he muttered quietly, walking quickly inside. So quickly than I was more than jogging to keep up with his long legs. 

Before I knew it, we were in the bedroom and shirt was being ripped away from my body so quickly that I gasped in surprise as the T-shirt flew over my head. It was thrown onto the floor and I was pushed onto the bed. I yelped slightly, bouncing on the mattress.

I was soon joined by a shirtless Jay, his flies undone, just waiting to be pushed down and kicked off. 

I did just that. 

Jay grinned and pulled mine down too, before supporting himself above me on his hands and kissing me. I kissed him back happily, gripping onto his hair. My legs parted themselves either side of him so he could nestle against me. He continued rubbing his hips against mine, making me moan at the skin on skin contact. 

"Jay..." I moaned breathily as he pulled away and quickly kissed down my chest. 

I cried out in surprise as his lips clamped around one of my nipples. My hands curled in his hair tighter, a strangled moan escaped from his throat. He shifted his weight slightly and lifted a hand to play with my other nipple as he licked and nipped. I moaned loudly and arched, whimpering slightly. 

"Jay, please!" I exclaimed, wanting him to stop the teasing and get on with it. 

He pulled away and sat up. I whimpered, thinking he was going to tell me off or, even worse, leave. Instead he grinned wickedly like the devil himself and reached over to the bedside table, pulling it open and reaching inside. When he brought his hand back, he was holding the foil packet of a condom. 

"At your empty apartment?" I asked breathlessly. "Seriously?"

"I like to be prepared when I'm with you," he grinned and ripped it open. 

I watched quietly, leaning up on my elbows, lips parted, as he rolled it on. His eyes glinted when he looked up again. 

"Enjoying the view, Kaidan?" he asked softly.

"Yes," I said, my voice barely a whisper. 

He grinned widely and leant down, kissing me again. He bit my lower lip gently and tugged slightly, making me gasp. He took the opportunity to dive his tongue right in. I moaned and met him halfway, letting him play with me and revelling in his control. 

All of a sudden I was being invaded. 

I cried out, the pain only dull compared to last night. He moaned into my mouth and rocked his hips again, the slight movement before more pleasurable than I would have ever imagined if I'd thought about it. I moaned slightly and tilted my hips up to meet him. 

He quickly lost his resolve and sped up until this was absolutely nothing like last night. Last night was sweet, cuddly, but this... This was raw, desperate, animalistic sex. And I loved it. 

I wrapped my legs around his waist and we both moaned as it changed the angle. His thrusts became harder, more aggressive. I moaned loudly as he pounded into me. I clung onto his hair and shoulders so that my head wouldn't hit the headboard, which was already thumping against the wall. 

I moaned loudly as my release came closer. 

"Jay..." I panted out. He grunted in response. I guessed he was close to coming too, from the tensing of his shoulders. 

My eyes closed again and it wasn't long until I was coming all over the both of us, crying out his name loudly. One more thrust and he was gasping and moaning loudly, stopping as he came into the condom.

I sagged into the mattress, panting heavily. He waited a few moments before he pulled out carefully, took off and tied the condom, throwing it towards the bin. He lay down beside me, breathing just as heavily as I was. He was grinning breathlessly.

"Christ, Jay..." I managed to get out before my eyes fluttered shut again. 

(A/N Long chapter for you guys! :D Gonna try and make the chapters longer as only posting once a week. To those people who read this but don't follow me; this will be updated every Monday, and if you're lucky, on other days too if I can get round to it, but sticking to Mondays for now. Let me know what you guys think, love feedback :* Chap dedicated to xXxBatmanxXx for her comment on last chapter that made me giggle, plus everyone is begging for me to dedicate a chapter to her! ~Beka)

PS -----> Jensen Ackles all in whips and chains... Drool....

# Chapter Forty-Four

I was woken from my light doze by Jay's body shifting beside me. I couldn't help the whine that escaped from my mouth. I was graced with a brush of Jay's lips over my temple. I smiled to myself.

"How was that?" he asked softly. All I could do was nod. If I was a cat I would be purring contentedly. I want to be a cat now... "Not too painful?" he asked, a concerned tone tinting his voice. 

"It was wonderful, but..." I trailed off, biting my lip. 

"But? But what?" He was definitely worried now. 

"Do I get to actually look at the apartment now?"

He was silent for a moment as he stared at me in dumbfounded relief. Then he was laughing, the rich sound beautiful and melodious, a song to my ears. I blushed to myself and hid my face in his chest, just taking in his scent. He slowly came to a stop and pressed a kiss into my hair. 

"Oh, Kaidan..." he said, slightly breathless from his laughter. "You're amazing. But yes, you can see the apartment now. Come on."

His warmth left me and I rolled onto my back to look up at him. My eyes dragged themselves slowly over his body, as if memorising it. 

"You're beautiful," I blurted out before blushing and biting my lip hard to stop from embarrassing myself further. 

His smile warmed my heart, small and genuine, reaching his eyes as easy as anything. 

"Really, you are," I said quietly, twisting to hide my face in the pillow.

"I was hot a couple days ago. Which is it?" he asked teasingly, making me blush more. 

"Both," I muttered. 

Fingertips were trailing down my back, making me gasp. I bit my lip again as his fingers went lower, reaching the end of my spine. My cupped my arse in his warm, slightly rough hands and kissed my shoulder blade slowly, almost lovingly. I had to have got that wrong... Lovingly? Seriously, Kaidan, get a grip of yourself. 

"Come on, apartment viewing," he said softly.

I peeked up at him slowly, to see him pulling on his boxers. For the first time, I noticed something about him that wasn't rich and flamboyant. 

"You have holes in your boxers," I pointed out as I sat up. 

"I know. I don't want to get rid of them though, I like them. They're my lucky undies," he mumbled reluctantly. 

"Lucky? Why?" I asked, a bemused smile on my lips. 

He was quiet for a few moments, fidgeting. "They're the ones I had on the first day I met you..."

My heart melted at the adorable look on his face, the hesitant look in his eyes as if I'd run away as soon as I knew, and the cute little posture he was holding. I smiled widely and stood, wrapping my arms around his neck. I had to stand on my toes to kiss him, and pull him down slightly to meet me. 

"That's strange," I noted, "because I seem to remember you wearing some sexy panties."

He laughed a little, relaxing against me and holding me close by my waist. 

"And I remember looking at your face as I danced. You looked like you'd never had an erection before," he grinned, making me blush again. 

"Never one like that."

"Had you ever jerked off before that?" he asked, interested. 

"Yeah! Of course I had," I said indignantly. 

"Ever had anyone give you a handjob?" I blushed and shook my head. He seemed to think for a moment. "To be honest, have I given you a handjob yet? A proper one?"

"I don't know..."

He smiled thoughtfully. "I have an idea. We're going for dinner with Finny and Ollie, right?"

"That's what I thought," I nodded. 

"Good," he smirked, biting his lip. "I have an idea."

"An idea...?"

"You'll have to wait and see, kitten. The apartment is waiting for your inspection." He held onto my arse again. "And your lovely bum is waiting for underwear."

I gasped slightly and blushed a dark pink. When he let go of me, I looked around the room for my boxers. 

"Uh... I can't find them," I murmured. 

He looked confused. "You'll have to go without them then." He held his hand out to me and I hesitated before taking it, not liking how bare I was. 

He led me out into the main room. There was a black leather sofa in front of one wall, where there was a gas fire and a large flat screen on the wall. To the left of the sofa was all window, instantly making me hide behind Jay. 

"Kitten, don't worry. It's mirrored. We can see out but no one can see in."

"Are you sure...?" I asked, wanting to make sure. 

"I wouldn't lie to you, babe," he said reassuringly. 

I nodded a little, but stayed behind him. He stepped away briefly and I whined, but he just stripped his boxers off and threw them into the bedroom. I couldn't help giggling slightly, blushing. 

He grinned widely and took my hand again, leading me through to the bathroom. I was large, but nowhere near as big as Jay's en suite. Jay's house was simply extravagant though. It was modern, with a separate bath and shower. The kitchen was amazing... The cooker was perfect, the counters were perfect, the breakfast bar was perfect. It was all... Perfect. 

"Jay, this is amazing..."

"I thought you'd like it," he said quietly, fondly, as he wrapped his arms around me. 

I smiled and leant against him. I closed my eyes and felt us moving slightly but I paid no attention to it, just comfortable in his arms. My chin was tilted up to look at him. I blinked against a light behind him before noticing we were in front of the window. I blushed and clutched onto him. 

"Jay..." I trailed. 

"Just an experiment, kitten, don't worry. Say stop if you want."

I looked up at him cautiously, worried about his plan. Slowly, carefully, I was turned around and pressed against the window. A chill spread through me from where my skin touched it, sending a shiver along my spine. 

"Jay?" I asked quietly. 

He leant down and kissed my neck. He sucked slightly and licked at it. I could feel his body pressed against mine and he was already slightly aroused. My breathing picked up slightly and he got to my collar bone, rubbing his nose against the hollow of my throat, making me smile and giggle a little. He nipped at my skin and suddenly pinched one of my nipples. I cried out in surprised pleasure, letting my head fall against the window. 

He sucked and licked at my neck and collarbone while he played with my nipples, until I was spun round and pressed against the window, yelping at it. 

I was pressed into the hard, cold surface and winced slightly as my erection was squashed between my tummy and the window. Jay's hot breath hit my neck and ear, making me shiver as it contrasted so much to the cold against my front. 

"Look at all the people, Kaidan," he whispered to me. 

I opened my eyes slowly and blushed red, but my breathing picked up anyway.

"You like it, don't you," he said; there was no question in his voice, simply a statement. I didn't reply. "
Don't
 you?"

I nodded slowly. "Yes..."

"Are you thinking about all of them maybe seeing you like this? 
Wishing
 that they would just look up?" He didn't wait for a response this time. "Such a little slut, Kaidan." He paused for a moment. "My little slut..."

I felt like that should have stirred some thoughts in my mind but I was so overwhelmed with lust and need for him that I couldn't process his words properly.

"Yes... Yours..." my voice gasped out, breathing heavily. 

I felt a movement of his lips against my ear, as if he was smiling. 

"What do you want, Kaidan?" he asked.

"You..." I breathed, my heart fluttering. 

"Oh? What about me?" he asked. He was teasing me now, wanting me to say what I really wanted, even though he knew. 

"I want you to touch me... To fuck me..." I blushed as I used the word he did sometimes in regards to sex. 

"Oh, I know, Kaidan," he chuckled softly. 

There was an edge to his voice, an edge that had my heart racing and fingers trembling. His stance against me was tall, taller than he usually seemed. The tip of his cock teased occasionally against my balls. I let out a breathy moan whenever it did. 

"Jay, please," I whined, pushing my arse against him. 

"No, kitten. I don't think you've been good enough." I whined again, a mix of devastation and confusion. "I'll just leave you to it. You're not allowed to touch yourself either, otherwise your backside will become a beautiful shade of pink."

"Wh-What do you mean?" I managed to get out. 

"I might have to spank you, Kaidan, if you misbehave."

I whimpered at the thought and I felt my body tense slightly. I took a deep breath and forced my self to relax.

"Okay..." I murmured. 

A soft, smiling pair of lips was skimmed across the back of my neck. 

"Kaidan?" Jay said gently, the edge to his voice gone. 

"Hm?" was all I could manage to get out. 

"I think you're camera ready," he said quietly, holding onto my hips. His thumbs were absentmindedly stroking over my skin slowly. 

"Does... That mean I'll be leaving you soon?" I asked hesitantly, unsure whether I wanted the answer. 

"Of course not," he said, sounding astounded. "We'll use the camera first, pictures and videos and stuff, get you used to it before throwing you in at the deep end."

I relaxed against him, sighing in relief. I felt his body tense slightly when he noticed my reaction. I was just glad I wasn't going yet...

(A/N This is gonna be normal chapter length as far as I can figure for now! Hope it's okay, and enjoyable. I had fun writing it. Who would have known that Kaidan had a kink? ;) Chapter dedicated to IrishPride2016 for taking the time to write a wonderfully long comment for me! Picture to the side is our very own Jay and Kaidan in a chibi app I have. Love you all! ~Beka)

# Chapter Forty-Five

The drive was quiet as we made our way back to the house from the apartment. Jay had been pretty much silent since I'd asked him if I had to leave him yet. He'd been silent as we dressed, and only gave me a small smile when he revealed my boxers from wherever the hell he'd hidden them. If he'd said anything, I no doubt would have giggled and blushed. 

Now, we were sat in the car in our first awkward silence. It really wasn't nice, and I just wanted to break it.

"Jay..." I started.

"Do you want to go into the business yet, Kaidan?" he asked, his voice soft. 

"What? No! I don't want to, I was just making sure that it wasn't your way of telling me to go away..." I fiddled awkwardly with the hem of my T-shirt. 

"Kaidan..." he whispered, a small smile on his face. "Never. I wouldn't ever tell you to go away."

I nodded a little, still thinking. "Do you do stuff like this for everyone you train?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, glancing over at me.

"Like, lend them a rent-free apartment, buy them clothes, everything you've done for me."

He was silent for a moment, a small frown on his face. "No..." he murmured as if it had only just occurred to him. "I don't..."

"Then why do it for me?" I asked. 

He thought a little more. "You're... Different. Special. I've spent the whole weekend with you and it has easily been the most enjoyable weekend of my life. I've never laughed, smiled, joked, as much as I have with you these past few days. You've changed the way I look at things... The way I look at myself..."

"How?"

"About my dad and everything he did... I always felt like I'd deserved it, like I was supposed to have a bad life. I didn't... I never thought about it the way you do... Like it was something I should never have been put through..."

I looked up at him, shocked. "You genuinely thought that?"

He hesitated before nodding slightly. "Kaidan, I know you're a bottom and everything but..." He took a deep breath, tightening his grip on the steering wheel. "You can top me if you want..."

I was completely speechless as I looked up at him. What was I supposed to say to that? He was trembling slightly, so I could see that this was a big deal for him. Clearly with what had happened with his dad, he wasn't comfortable with it.

"Jay, I..." 

"No, Kaidan, I mean it. I want you to. I've never... been with anyone like that," he said quietly, a slight blush on his cheeks. 

"Really?" I asked, looking up at him. I bit my lip before I gently put my hand on his thigh, trying to reassure him. "Something you haven't done, babe?"

He blushed even more and relaxed slightly. "Shut up..."

"Relax, Jay... Let's just get through tonight with Finn and Ollie first."

He nodded a little, a small smile on his face. "I can put my plan into action."

I blushed and smacked his thigh gently. "You shut up. Is it a black tie sort of place we're going?"

He thought for a moment, much more relaxed now. "It's a formal place, so I guess so." He was quiet for a minute as he chewed on his bottom lip. "Kaidan...?" he asked cautiously.

"Yeah?" I asked, running my thumb over his leg through his jeans.

"Will you were one of those thongs tonight...?" He peeked up at me briefly, his cheeks a flaming red. I'd never seen him blush so much, it was adorable. 

"You want me to?" I asked, grinning slightly. 

"You know I do," he grumbled. 

I giggled slightly and leant up to kiss his cheek softly. "Seeing as you asked so nicely, I suppose I will."

"Thank you, kitten," he murmured, blushing. I grinned and squeezed his thigh before bringing my hand back. A low whine escaped his lips. "No, leave it there, it feels nice."

I smiled widely and put my hand back on his leg. I turned to look out the window, glad that the silence was no longer awkward. 

***

"Jay, I am 
not
 wearing this," I called out to him through the bathroom door. I'd locked myself  in the en suite as soon as I'd realised that I would look ridiculous. That was as soon as Jay had got in out of the wardrobe. 

"Kaidan, it's only for a couple hours, don't worry about it," he said. He was clearly right on the other side of the door. "Baby, let me see, I'm positive you don't look silly."

"
Silly?!
 I look like a penguin!" I shouted, getting panicky.

"Calm down, kitten, it's just a suit."

"I look like an idiot. I've worn anything like this in my whole life," I whined, sinking down the door and onto the floor. 

"Kaidan, open the door. I'll see what I can do if you really think you look ridiculous."

I sighed and stood up. I unlocked the door and reluctantly opened it. 

"Kaidan..." he trailed off, staring at me. 

"I look stupid, I know, you don't need to say it," I grumbled, fiddling with where the cufflinks should have been in the shirt sleeves.

"No, I... I was going to say you look really... Handsome. And hot. But then, you always look hot," he said quietly, almost rambling. 

I was stunned to silence with that, staring at him.

"Come here," he said, taking hold of my hands and leading me fully out of the bathroom. "Let's make you look a bit more casual if you're that bothered."

He stepped back and looked at me silently for a moment. I blushed more and bit my lip. He mumbled thoughtfully to himself as he fiddled with the suit I had on. He rolled the sleeved to halfway up my forearms and undid the top button of the white shirt. Of course, he kissed my skin there softly before he moved away to examine me again. 

"That looks a lot better," he said, smiling. "Oh, one last thing."

Suddenly he grabbed me and kissed me hard, forcing his tongue into my mouth, making me moan. He played in my hair more than he usually would, gripping onto it, twirling it round his fingers, practically anything he could think of. When he pulled away, he immediately attacked my throat with his lips, sucking hard. I moaned loudly, moving my head to the side for him to have a better angle and he seized the opportunity, biting at the skin and licking against the bruise he was undoubtedly leaving. My brain wouldn't work enough to stop him. 

When he finally stepped away, leaving us both breathing heavily, he grinned and released me, stepping back. 

"Much, much better," he murmured, looking over me slowly. "Have you got your thong on?" I blushed more than my already pink cheeks would allow and nodded. "Which one?"

"The bright pink one," I muttered, fidgeting. 

He grinned and wrapped his arms around my waist. "I like that one," he said softly, his voice a purr in my ear. "Ready to go?" he asked. 

I nodded a little and looked over him. He was already fully dressed; white shirt, black trousers, thin black tie and a black jacket to go over the top, although to be honest it was just his normal jacket. 

"Why'd you give me a hickey?" I asked, biting my lip. 

He grinned and took my hand, leading me out of his room. 

"Well," he started, "you look hot with them, it'll remind Finn not to flirt with you, and I'm going to be leaving more before you go to college in the morning. When's your first lesson?" he asked as if everything he'd said before that was nothing.

"Half nine," I said after a moment, my foggy brain struggling to remember my timetable. 

He whined surprisedly and stopped, halfway down the stairs. "But that's so early! It's a Monday!"

I smiled at his reaction. "Alright, when does your day usually start on a Monday?"

"Like, midday, if at all. Mondays I usually do a scene shooting with Rob as director." I paused, unsure how to respond. "But tomorrow I'm not. I've got time off shooting until I hand you over. Although tomorrow night I'm performing at a club if you want to come along."

"Stripping?" I asked, almost surprised at the casual tone in my voice. 

"It's a stag do. Gay couple getting married, bless." He smiled warmly. "So stripping, lap dancing, pole dancing, whatever. What time do your lessons finish?"

"About 12."

"I could teach you a couple things and you could join me," he said, grinning excitedly as he started down the stairs again. 

I blushed. "Really...? But I'm so... incompetent."

"For performing, all you really need to do is be sexy and know what turns people on. Anyway, we can discuss that later, we've got dinner to get through first."

I was genuinely considering his words as he led me to the front door and over to the car, opening the door for me. I thanked him quietly and got in, thinking still. 

The drive was comfortably quiet, the radio humming slightly in the background. It was only when we were getting into the centre of town that I noticed I was holding his hand in mine on my lap and he was smiling happily. Blushing, I didn't let go. This felt right, with him. 

I sat back in my seat and closed my eyes, smiling to myself. When the car came to a stop, I looked out the window and my jaw dropped. 

"We're eating 
here
?" I asked incredulously. This was one of the most expensive restaurants in town. "Let me guess, you own this one too."

He laughed and turned off the engine after he'd parked. "No."

"Oh good, I--"

"Finny does," he cut me off. 

I sighed in disbelief. "Seriously, how rich is he? No, I don't actually want to know."

He chuckled softly and checked his phone quickly. "They've got a table inside for us. They've not been here long."

I nodded to myself and got out when Jay did. He came round and took my hand, before confidently walking into the restaurant. He chatted briefly with some of the staff before we were weaving our way through the tables, over to where I could see Ollie and Finn. 

Their faces were close and they were kissing occasionally. Ollie's face was flushed and his collar was a different one than the one I'd seen him in. This one was a thick black leather band with the word 'whore' on it in silver letters. He giggled at something Finn had said and smacked his arm playfully, sitting back in his own seat. When he saw us, he jumped up, grinning. 

"Jay! Kaidan, hey," he said warmly. "We're so glad you managed to come. I've had such a boring day, I need you to brighten it up."

Jay laughed slightly and gave Ollie a brief hug before we all sat down. "Why boring? What have you been doing since this morning?"

"I've spent the whole day either cleaning or cooking. Oh, I took the dog for a walk this afternoon, and then I had to wait for this lump to get home, who was late," Ollie said, pointedly looking at Finn who grinned and kissed him briefly. 

"You usually like cleaning though," Jay said curiously, his head tipped to one side.

"Yeah, but everything was already clean, so I went through the playroom and cleaned everything."

"Ollie, they don't need to know about that, sweetheart. Kaidan looks like he's about to faint," Finn said, grinning. 

I jumped at the sound of my name. "Sorry, it's just... It's amazing, watching you two." I blushed and continued, feeling I had to explain. "I mean, you have such an unusual relationship, but you're so close, even if Ollie is clearly displaying to the world that he's a whore."

Ollie giggled slightly and touched his collar reverently, lovingly. Finn was smiling curiously at me. 

(A/N Hope you liked the chapter and it wasn't too boring for you. Chapter dedicated to Jojomq for commenting about how perfect Kaidan and Jay are together. #TeamKay4eva! ~Beka)

# Chapter Forty-Six

"Thank you, Kaidan. It's not often you meet someone so easily accepting of this as you," Finn said, sounding genuinely grateful.

Everyone's eyes were on me and I quickly felt embarrassed so I picked up the menu and hid behind it. Jay chuckled softly and leant over to kiss my temple, quickly carding his fingers through my hair, which was looking very like sex hair thanks to our unexpected make out session earlier. 

"Jay...?" I asked, a hopefully pleading tone to my voice as I glanced between him and the menu. He nodded, seeming to understand how confused I was by all the fancy names.

He took it from me gently and pointed to a few things. "This is my favourite here, the chicken is absolutely perfectly cooked. I'm going to get that, why don't you too?"

I nodded, happy that he'd at least told me what to expect in the meal. I just didn't want to embarrass myself in front of his rich and fancy friends. I felt the overwhelming urge to feel accepted by them, like they approved of me. Which was absolutely ridiculous; they weren't Jay's parents and I wasn't his boyfriend. 

"What would you like to drink?" he asked, turning the menu over to show me the drinks.

There were so many different types of wines, and champagne, and even the beer was brands I'd never heard of. 

"Um... I'm not letting you get me drunk again, so I'm okay with water."

"They do fruit juice?" Ollie suggested helpfully.

I nodded. "Yeah, that would be nice." I smiled gratefully at Ollie. Clearly he could see how uncomfortable I was. Finn seemed completely oblivious. 

"Finny, why don't you order for us while I go to the toilet," he said, moving to get up. 

"What would you like?" he asked. 

Ollie just looked at him, frowning, confused. "Whatever you want me to have."

Finn grinned widely and pulled him down for a quick kiss before Ollie disappeared through the tables. 

"So you own this place?" I asked, trying to make conversation so I didn't feel so awkward. 

"Yeah. My parents used to own it and it was passed down to me. This was where I met Ollie for the first time," he said, smiling happily, his eyes lighting up. 

It was hard not to smile at the clear happiness shining in his face. 

"Are you two thinking about getting married now that it's legal?" I asked, hoping I wasn't intruding on their privacy. 

"We've not talked about it actually. Ollie just likes to live in the present. He does as he's told and doesn't worry about what tomorrow's going to be like. It's quite a refreshing outlook on life. Although, it does mean that I have to plan everything. And he's such an impulse buyer, so he now has to ask permission if he wants to buy anything that costs more than a couple dollars."

I laughed softly. "I can imagine. How long have you been together?"

"Oh, God... Seven years and nine months. He doesn't want to do anything for our anniversary this year. I could propose... He'd never forget it." He grinned slightly, thoughtful. 

Before I could respond, Ollie was coming back. 

"Baby, you've still not ordered," he noted as he sat down. 

"We've been too busy chatting." He waved the waiter over and ordered for him and Ollie. 

Jay glanced at me. "Sure you want what I'm having?" he asked. I nodded and he squeezed my hand as he ordered. 

I held his hand in both of mine in my lap, stroking my thumbs over his skin slowly. When I looked up again, Ollie was watching me curiously., thoughtfully. I frowned slightly and he looked away, joining in with Jay's and Finn's conversation. I did the same, turning to our partners. Wait, partners? No, just no.

"Are you sure?" Finn asked curiously, a cute tilt to his head. 

Jay shrugged. "Don't see what harm it could do."

"Me and Nick-- I, uh, mean Nick 
and I
," Ollie said, quickly correcting himself with a short glance from Finn. His obedience made me smile a little. "Me and Nick will be there so you shouldn't worry about him."

I frowned, wondering who they were talking about but not having the courage to ask.

"Have you spoken to him since yesterday?" Jay asked. 

Ollie shook his head. "No. He's not been answering his phone. He could be dead for all we knew, if Nick hadn't gone round and broken the door down to make sure he was okay."

Were they talking about Jay's friend? The one who'd just gone off on one, shouting and dragging up all sorts of shit he had no right to stir. I bristled in anger just thinking about him, and Jay's dad. Ollie glanced at me briefly. 

"Well, Corey was always a fighter," Finn murmured, picking up his glass. 

I looked up and saw the waiter's retreating back. My glass of cool orange juice was sat on the table, looking amazing. I wiped away the nervous sweat on my palms before I picked it up, sipping from it. My eyelids fluttering shut. It was so good. Cold and sweet, but still with a bit of that citrus kick. 

When I opened my eyes again, Jay was looking at me with a smile. I blushed and he put his hand on my thigh, squeezing and leaving it there. I put my hand over his and our fingers laced together, fitting perfectly. 

He sighed a little and turned back to his conversation. "Always. I just... What do I do?"

"Well..." Finn started thoughtfully. "You could cut him loose. But I know you don't want to do that."

"Finny, he's my friend. I couldn't do that to him..."

"Not after everything he's done?" Ollie interjected quickly. He shrunk back into his seat as Finn's slight glare turned on him. 

"Oliver, if you continue to misbehave like this, you will be sleeping in your cage tonight," Finn said, not bothering to quieten his voice, speaking at normal volume. Apparently this was as much about humiliation as it was the threat of punishment. 

Ollie kept his head low, his eyes on the table as a show of respect. "Yes, Master," he said softly. He didn't beg for forgiveness like I think I would, he just accepted the threat and remained quiet after that, listening but not participating. 

"Anyway," Finn said, turning back to us, "the whore has a point. He's done so much that he wouldn't if he were a friend, and you just keep forgiving him. Why?"

Ollie didn't even flinch when he was called a whore, even though he was sat right with us. My heart went out to him, but I saw from the look on his face that he wasn't sad. He'd just accepted this. He loved the man sitting beside him, and knew that he loved him too, despite the names and the threats. Besides, Finn wouldn't have done all that if they hadn't agreed on it before. Right? I would have to ask Jay. 

Jay sighed and ran the hand that wasn't on my thigh through his hair. "I don't know. I just... I justify all the things he does; he was angry, he was upset, he didn't mean it, it was an accident..."

"But you know it's not." There was no question in Finn's voice. He was telling him, not asking.

"I know... I can't do anything though. He's my friend, he's always been there for me, I--"

"Jaimie Jay Laycock," Finn's hard voice said, bringing Jay's wide eyes up to look at him. It was the same voice he'd used with Ollie. I suddenly noticed Finn was holding Ollie's hand on the table, whether as a gesture to soothe the submissive, or hoping that I wouldn't rethink how I saw them. 

"You are the most stupid, thick-skulled idiot of a man that I have ever had to spend my whole life with. Corey has been in love with you since we were teenagers, to the point of obsession. He has chased off every single person who you might have been happy with, every person he saw as a threat to his claim on you, including Kaidan."

My eyes went wide. "Finn, I-I'm not a--"

"Hush, Kaidan, I'm currently lecturing my best friend and would like not to be disturbed until I've finished." The authority in his voice had me shutting up and closing my mouth. "Thank you."

I glanced up at Jay, worried. His expression was guarded as he watched Finn cautiously, as if wondering where he was going with his rant. 

"You need to grow a pair. You're thirty soon, and the moment your body starts getting a little out of shape or anything, the industry is going to drop you like a dead dog. You'll be useless to them and you'll be alone. You need to start moving on from porn and find someone to settle down with. God knows how happy I've been since I settled."

He lifted Ollie's hand and kissed the back of it gently. Ollie smiled a little and peeked up at his boyfriend. 

Jay sighed frustratedly, taking his hand back from me, bringing my eyes back to him. 

"You don't understand, Finn," he said shortly, sitting back in his chair, tense. 

"No? Well, I'll tell you what I've got and you tell me if I'm right. The man you consider your friend is obsessed with you. I wouldn't push it past him to kill someone for you. You're in a job that relies entirely on looks, and even if you could find work, it wouldn't be much of it. You'd be sad, lonely, even more fucking miserable than you already are. Am I getting anywhere near the truth here?" he challenged. 

When Jay looked away silently, we all knew that Finn was absolutely right. 

"Jay..." I started, reaching out for his hand. 

"Just... Give me a minute, kitten..." He took a deep breath and looked up to face Finn. "Yeah, you're right. Okay? You're right. For the past six months, I have sat in my house, alone, thinking about how many people would care if I didn't wake up in the morning."

"Jaimie, you can't do that, you know we'd care, you'd be missed beyond belief and--"

"I'd care," I interrupted, loud enough to make him stop and everyone to hear. 

Everyone was silent and when I looked up, the three of them were staring at me. 

I took a deep breath. "I would care."

"Kaidan..." Jay started, taking a shaky breath, his eyes flitting around and looking everywhere except at me. 

"I mean it, Jay," I said, my voice gaining some strength. "I would care, so don't you dare do anything as stupid as that. Okay?"

He was quiet for a while, his eyes on the table and hands clasped in his lap. Slowly, he looked up at me and whispered his response:

"Okay, kitten..."

His eyes were dull, not the usual bright, sparkling brown they usually were. He was sad. Sad, and I had to do something about it. I hesitated just a moment before taking his face in my hands and pulling him down to my level, kissing him softly, thumbs skating across his cheekbones. 

He seemed to relax slightly and when I pulled away after a few minutes, his eyes were closed. He nodded a little, to himself or me I wasn't sure. 

"Thank you, Kaidan..." he whispered. 

His chair slid back slightly and suddenly I was surrounded by his warmth and his face was buried in my neck. I stroked his hair slowly, trying to think of something to say but coming up with nothing, so I just stayed quiet. When I looked over to Finn and Ollie, they were staring at me with wide eyes, speechless. Was it really that amazing that I cared if he killed himself?

"Jay..." Ollie started. 

"Shut up," he said roughly, pulling me closer and pressing his face further into my neck. 

All I could do was wrap my arms around him and stroke his hair. 

"It's okay, baby," I whispered, hoping he found it comforting. "Everything's going to be just fine."

It was a moment before he nodded against my neck. His lips opened as if he were going to say something, but he just shut his mouth and nodded again. 

(A/N Bit of a sad chapter, but I think it's showing Jay and Kaidan's more profound bond (if anyone gets that reference I will kiss you) and their relationship moving forward without either of them realising. Chapter dedicated to LauraLovesYou for likening Jay saying Kaidan could top him to a marriage proposal :3 ~Beka)

# Chapter Forty-Seven

The drive home was quieter than the rest of the meal. Home? Jay's house. We were driving back to Jay's house, not home. 

"Jay?" I asked, looking up at him. 

His grip tightened on mine in my lap. I stroked my thumb across his hand as I watched him take a deep breath. 

"Yeah?" he said, though the word was barely more than a breath, let alone a whisper. 

"Were you serious about that? Thinking about suicide?"

"I was."

"Do I need to constantly keep an eye on you? Do I need to be worried?" I asked, looking up at him. 

"Why do you really care, Kaidan?" he asked. He didn't make it sound cruel, he was just asking. 

"I... You've... become important to me very quickly," I murmured, keeping my eyes on our hands. 

"You have too... It confuses me, I don't know what to do about it."

I nodded a little to myself and stayed quiet. I had no idea what to say. This felt like such an intimate, but simultaneously awkward, situation that I didn't know how to deal with. 

"Will you teach me to dance when we get back?" I asked, with no other clue what to say. He'd asked if I wanted to join in him a private party tomorrow, right? Why not let him teach me to pole dance?

"What type of dancing?" he replied with an almost automatic tone. 

"Pole dancing, I guess. But... I'd like to learn how to lap dance, for you," I admitted with a blush. 

When I peeked up at him, a small smile was tugging at his lips. 

"Alright then. You can wear one of your new thongs and basque while you do it. That would be hot," he said, throwing a trademark Jay grin over at me. 

I blushed and our conversation quickly fell back into either our comfortable silence or just talking about nothing in particular. By the time we got back to the house and we were walking in, my heart was racing just thinking about lap dancing for Jay. I wanted to do it, so badly, but it was kind of scary. Especially when I didn't know if I could do it or not...

Jay's hold on my hand was comforting at least, and he smiled at me over his shoulder as he led me to a door I hadn't been through yet. 

"Where are we going?" I asked curiously. 

"To the basement. There's a practice pole down there." When I raised an eyebrow at him, he just shrugged.. 

He opened the door and led me down the stairs. The walls were painted a beautiful deep teal and the lighting pointed to the middle of the room where the pole he'd been talking about was on a low platform. There were a few couches around it, which were white and beautifully contrasted the blue walls. 

"How do you want me?" I asked when we came to a stop. 

"Naked and ready," he said teasingly, though with a serious enough tone in his voice that I wasn't sure if he was really joking or not. "I'm kidding, kitten. Boxers would probably be better."

I nodded and my hands moved to the button of the dress pants I had on before I remembered something and froze. 

"Uh, Jay...?" I murmured. 

"What's wrong?" he asked worriedly from where he was sitting on the arm of one of the sofas. 

"I've not got boxers on. I've got a thong," I reminded him quietly, my cheeks flaming. 

He grinned widely. "Even better."

My whole face flushed, the tips of my ears undoubtedly turning pink too, and I nodded. My fingers continued as they undid the belt buckle and zip, pushing them down. I fiddled with the hem of the shirt self-consciously. His eyes went wide as he stared at me. 

"Jesus, Kaidan..." he breathed out. The slight lump in his slacks was quickly growing. 

I blushed even more but smiled a little at the thought that I was turning him on like that. I took a hopefully subtle deep breath and began to unbutton my shirt, dropping it to the floor as I stepped out of my trousers. His eyes rolled over me slowly, taking my whole body in. 

"Later, I'm eating chocolate spread off that yummy tummy of yours," he murmured, his eyes darker than usual with arousal. 

I bit my lip and trailed the tips of my fingers down my chest and stomach to curl into the strap that was going around my hips. It seemed to do the trick as he groaned in frustration and stood up quickly, pushing me against the wall behind me and kissing me hard. 

As I gasped in surprise, he dove his tongue in and I moaned, putting my own tongue forward to meet his, playing with him. His hands on my hips were hard enough to leave bruises, which sent a thrill of excitement through me, making me shiver. My arms wrapped around his neck and I leant up to kiss him better. 

I moaneed into his mouth when his warm hands gripping my arse and squeezed. I pulled away from him, breathing heavily. He whined a little and tried to keep me close to him.

"Later," I whispered. "Teach me first."

He nodded, pouting but let go of me. He headed over to the pole. 

"Come here," he said, his voice rough. 

I took a deep breath and walked towards him. 

"Sit down, I'll show you the basics," he said. 

I did as I was told and sat on one of the sofas. He stripped quickly out of his clothes until he was just in his boxers. He didn't even bother trying to hide his hard-on. I bit my lip as I looked over him. Fuck, he was hot. If pole dancing got someone this hot, I was definitely going to continue, or at least watch him move more often. 

He grinned a little as he saw me looking over him. He picked up a small white towel from a pile on a table in the corner of the room. He wiped himself down, making me raise an eyebrow at him. 

"You don't want any sweat so you can grip the pole better. It's always good to wipe everywhere down first."

I nodded a little at his explanation. That made sense, I guess. He reached up and wiped the pole too, all the way to the floor. 

"So, first thing you learn really. Stand next to the pole and reach up as high as you can with your right hand." I watched his as he did that. "Walk around the pole, taking a few steps. On one step, push yourself off and hold on with your left hand."

He walked around the pole and pushed off with his left foot. When he began to spin, he loosely wrapped his legs around the pole, the backs of his knees touching the metal. After he'd finished spinning, he was sat gracefully on the floor, still holding on. 

"There, now you try."

He stood and stepped away, wiping his hands on his boxers. 

"I can't do that," I said simply as I stayed sitting. 

"Just try. You asked me to teach you so that's what I'm doing," he replied, crossing his arms and cocking his hips. 

I chewed on my lip for a moment before standing and moving to copy his pose before he'd started spinning. 

"You're sweating. Wipe your hands and relax, it'll be fine. You might get some bruises if you cling on too tight but that's about it," he said with a comforting smile. 

I nodded and wiped my hands on the towel before trying again. He was right; it was a lot easier to grip. I took a few slow steps before kicking off and spinning around messily. He grinned when I landed. 

"Perfect. That's the fireman spin. Now for the pinwheel," he said, helping me up. 

"Oh God, that sounds terrifying," I said. 

He laughed and rolled his eyes. "Don't worry, its only a little different from the fireman."

He got into the same position as before, right hand as high as he could reach. He took a few steps around the pole before pushing off but instead of wrapping his legs around, he hooked one knee around the pole and put his other leg out so it was making an L shape. He continued spinning and as soon as his foot around the pole touched the floor, he stood. 

"See? It's fine. Give it a go."

I nodded and wiped my hands again. My palms sweat when I'm anxious, okay? 

"Wait," I interrupted before I stepped up to the pole. 

"What? What's wrong?" he asked worriedly. 

"You said you had a surprise or something for when we were at the restaurant. What was it?" 

"Oh, that. I was going to tease you, see how far your exhibitionism goes." He shrugged. "We can talk about it in bed, come on. Do this first."

My heart fluttered at the idea that he wanted me to stay the night again. I was so glad we'd bought some new clothes to leave here. I smiled and stepped next to the pole, copying his movements. 

"Nearly," he said when I stood. "You just need to work on keeping your leg straight and still, that's all. Otherwise, good. Try again?"

We spent about twenty minutes trying out the same two basic spins; he said he didn't want to push my body as he had 'more valuable uses' for it. I just blushed and rolled my eyes at him. 

"You're getting really good at this. I want to try something quick. This is more difficult and requires upper body strength but I want you to give it a go. Okay?" I nodded hesitantly. I was already aching. "Good. This is called a V spin."

That already didn't sound good. He held onto the pole in what he called basic position and stepped around the pole, grabbing onto the pole with his other hand before he went into the spin. This time, instead of holding onto the pole, he put his legs out in a perfect V. The muscles in his thighs didn't even quiver as he did it. I was left staring at him in shock. 

"Baby, there is no way I'm trying that right now. Tomorrow after college, then you can teach me more."

He rolled his eyes and grinned. "Fine. Shall I show you what years of learning and practice can bring?" 

"I saw you at the club, and that was amazing."

"That pole isn't long enough for some of the things I can do. Neither is this one, unfortunately."

I raised an eyebrow and sat down, sweat shining over my whole body. "Go on then."

His grin turned wicked and cheeky. Okay, now I was in for it. He took hold of the pole in basic position and span round without even taking a step and lifted his legs until they were clutching at the pole above his head seemingly without any effort at all. He grinned and swung his legs back until they were above his head again but his back was curving up. Shit, that looked painful. He didn't show any strain though. 

He let go with his hands and the muscles in his legs stood out as they were the only things holding him up. He pushed off from the pole with his hands and swung up quickly to grab the pole again so he was just sitting without contorting into freak positions. 

He leant around the pole and gripped upside onto it by his feet. He let go with his legs and brought them up so was doing the V spin, upside down. Just before his head hit the ground, he kicked away from the pole and was standing again. 

I was just staring at him with wide eyes. He stretched a little and his spine cracked quietly.

"Holy shit," was all I could get out for a while. 

Jay just laughed and picked our clothes and the used towel up. 

"Come on, kitten," he chuckled, leaving me to run up the stairs after him. 

(A/N Guys, I've decided that one day I'm going to marry a pole dancer. Ever seen Anastasia Sokolova? Fucking hot, seriously. Link to one of her performances on side. Chapter is dedicated to pernicoshipper for taking the time to write me a funnily long message that made me laugh and grin for the rest of the day :) ~Beka)

# New Story!

So a lot of you were asking for a Finn/Ollie spin off, which I was already planning. I've got the first chapter written and posted but unfortunately Wattpad won't let me put it as public and keeps classing it as private, which is really annoying. I've messaged their support service asking why this is happening so hopefully they'll either say why it's private or fix it. 

I mean, it's no worse than this, or even Sole Pleasure, which is another BDSM theme story. I've never had the issue of auto private chapters before, and it's pissing me off. 

Anyway, you can find it here:

http://www.wattpad.com/57584427-bound-to-you-bdsm-boyxboy-mature-author%27s-note?utm_expid=1529920-49.5nQiFBBnRdq2ue2YTuy4WQ.0&utm_referrer=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.wattpad.com%2Fmystories

But because it's private, you'll have to follow me. This is annoying for all of us, I know. It might take a couple days for it to let you see Chapter One after you follow me, Wattpad is just bitchy like that sometimes. 

You can click this to follow me:

http://www.wattpad.com/user/MacBeka?utm_expid=1529920-49.5nQiFBBnRdq2ue2YTuy4WQ.0&utm_referrer=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.wattpad.com%2Fmystories

# Chapter Forty-Eight

Jay dropped our clothes and the towel in the laundry basket in his room before he sat down on the bed, stretching. 

"You know, I'm actually debating between teaching you how to lap dance or eating chocolate spread off you like I said I would," he said, looking at me. He was leaning back, his hands on the bed, supporting him. 

I bit my lip, still standing near the door. 

"We've got time for you to decide. In the meantime..." 

I pushed the door shut and walked over to him slowly. He licked his lips quickly as he looked up at me. When I got to him, I straddled his lap and scratched down his chest. A slight moan escaped his mouth and his eyes closed briefly. 

"Kaidan..." he breathed as he looked up at me. 

"You are so hot, Jay," I whispered against jaw as I kissed along it to his lips, but pulled away a little when he moved forward to kiss me. "Nuh-uh. I'm in charge tonight."

I put my hands on my chest and pushed him hard until he was lying down. 

"Kaidan, please," he whispered. 

"Please what? What do you want?"

I kissed down his chest slowly, nipping and sucking occasionally. When I reached his boxers, I grabbed hold of them with my teeth and pulled down. He kicked them off, breathing heavily. 

"I..." Jay swallowed hard. "I want you to fuck me, Kaidan. I want to feel you inside me..."

His voice was shaking with fear. I pressed a kiss to the inside of his thigh and stroked over his hip, hoping it would comfort him. 

"Are you sure?" I asked. "We don't have--"

"Yes. I'm sure."

Despite the quiver in his voice, he sounded like he knew what he wanted. I nodded a little and reached over to the bedside drawer for the lube I knew he kept there. I handed it to him before searching for a condom, sitting back with it when I'd found one. 

"I... What do I do?" I asked, blushing with embarrassment. 

He smiled a little and stroked my cheek. "Put plenty of lube on your fingers."

I nodded and sat back, taking the bottle back from him and popping the lid, smearing some all over my fingers. While I got my fingers all lubed up, Jay brought his legs up and spread them. 

I vaguely remembered how he'd prepared me, how careful and gentle he'd been. I had to do that for him now. I'd said I was in charge, so I was going to be in charge. His breathing was irregular and his hands were trembling. He was nervous, scared even. 

"Baby... We don't...." I started. 

"We do," he said. "I want to. I have to do this."

"But... I'm not making you, am I? I'd never--"

"You'd never force anyone into anything, kitten... I don't need to do this for you, I have to do it for myself. I'll... try and explain later."

I nodded a little and slipped my first finger inside him. He tightened around me and a whimper escaped him. Not a whimper of pain; a whimper of anxiety. I moved my finger a little and slowly slid in until it was all the way to the knuckle. He took a shaky breath, his eyes screwed shut. I leant up and kissed him softly. It was a moment before he returned it. His fingers were clinging onto the sheets for dear life, like it was the only thing stopping him from running. 

I moved my finger again slightly. I needed to stretch him, I realised. I circled it round slowly as far as I dared, making him gasp. I carefully added a second finger and kissed away the lines of pain over his face. He was too beautiful to be visibly in pain. Circling round again, I scissored my fingers inside him, trying to stretch him more. I moved them slowly, not wanting to hurt him. 

When the third finger was moving with the others, Jay let out a breathy moan and I relaxed a little. That was what I needed. To know that there was something good for him in all of this. That it was worth it for him. 

"Now, Kaidan... I'm ready," he whispered. 

I moved my fingers a little more before nodding to myself. He was okay, he was ready. I took my fingers out slowly and knelt up to take off the thong I was still wearing. When I'd thrown it onto the floor somewhere, I picked up the condom packet, carefully ripping it open. I rolled it on myself like I'd watched him do enough times. It was a little awkward and perhaps wasn't on as properly as it should have been, but it was okay. When I looked up at him, he was watching me. 

"Is that okay?" I asked awkwardly. 

He took me in his hand and firmly stroked down to the base. Even through the condom, it felt good. I moaned, letting my head fall forward slightly.

"There," he breathed. "That's good."

He spread his legs more, breathing shakily. He was practically hyperventilating. 

"Jay, sit up," I said softly, stroking his leg. 

He frowned but did as I said. I lay down where he'd been. His eyes went wide as he knelt over me. I put my hands on his knees and slowly ran my hands up his thighs, massaging, trying to comfort him. 

"This way you're in charge," I said quietly, holding his hips gently, rubbing my thumbs over the bones. 

He took a deep breath and leaned down to kiss me. I felt a tear splash onto my cheeks and realised he was crying. No, that wasn't right, he couldn't be crying. 

"Jay, it's okay," I whispered as I wiped away his tears. "We really don't have to do this."

"God, Kaidan, I really do l-- You're amazing," he said instead, changing his mind from whatever it was he was going to say. 

I smiled a little. "Not as amazing as you, babe."

He smiled a little and reached underneath him to guide my cock up to his hole. His breath hitched as the head went in. He slowly sank all the way down, taking deep breaths with his eyes closed. 

I was breathing heavily by now, holding onto his hips again. Just looking at him like this made me want to kill his dad, over and over and over again. He'd damaged this beautiful man in front of me so deeply that there was probably no way of fixing it. Just watching him take me inside him, on the verge of sobbing, with actual tears slipping from his eyes, I felt my heart break. I had to take care of him, for as long as I could. 

"Kaidan..." he breathed out, resting his hands on my chest. 

"Are you okay, baby? All good?" I asked worriedly. 

He nodded slightly and knelt up before sinking back onto me, groaning. I moaned, hips jerking up further inside him, making him whimper. 

"I'm sorry!" I gasped out, trying to control myself. 

He grinned a little down at me, eyes open slightly. "It's okay, kitten... You know what they say: save a horse, ride a cowboy."

I laughed slightly and squeezed his hips, to reassure him. He slowly moved up again before slipping down, faster this time, with a moan. I bit my lip as I watched him, an idea springing to mind. 

As he sped up, and his moans grew louder, I thrust up into him, making him bounce back up on his way down. He cried out in pleasure and surprise. 

"Kaidan!" he shouted, panting now. "Fuck..."

I moaned loudly at the feeling and brought my legs up behind him. When he felt my thighs touch his back, he stiffened in surprise before leaning back slightly. I took his hands in mine, lacing my fingers through his. As we sped up with our thrusts, our movements, our moans got louder and more often. Jay even whimpered in pleasure, a noise I'd never expected. 

"God, Kaidan, I..." he gasped out, cut off by dropping back down onto me and me pushing up against him hard. He cried out and then his jaw went slack, panting. 

I let my eyes close and tipped my head back into the mattress as I just let my body take over completely. Suddenly I was coming into the condom with a wordless shout. Jay's release came with a confused whimper and a moan. 

The two of us were left panting. He sat on top of me for a few moments before lying down on my chest and stretching his legs out beside mine. I wrapped my arms around his chest and held him as tightly as I could in my weakened, sated state. 

"Jay..." I whispered, stroking his hair. He made a funny noise in response, making me smile. "How was that?" 

"Good," he murmured, nuzzling into my neck. 

"Yeah?" I asked, wanting to check. 

"Mm..." he mumbled in agreement. "Very good..."

"You don't regret it?" 

He shook his head against the crook of my neck. I smiled to myself and stroked down his back slowly. 

"Let me look at you," I said softly. 

He lead his head with difficulty, as if it was too heavy. I put my hand along his jaw to help him support him. His eyes weren't puffy or red so he hadn't cried after those first few tears, which made me relax further. I kissed him gently and his lips tasted like the salt of the tears I'd missed. 

I rolled us onto our sides carefully and pulled out of him as gently as I could. He let out a little whine, as if he missed it. I smiled a tiny bit and tried to tie off the condom. Gentle hands took it from me, tying it with ease and handing it back to me. I blushed a little and kissed him in thanks before throwing the condom towards the bin. It caught on the edge and dangled over it. I didn't go to nudge it into the bin with the rest of the rubbish. 

Instead, I lay down and pulled Jay into my arms. He snuggled further into my hold, his arms bent against his chest. I kissed his forehead softly. 

"He never used a condom," he murmured sleepily. I doubted he even knew he was talking to me. I just looked at him, in case he said anything else. "Always hurt me... You don't hurt me..."

"I could never hurt you, Jay," I whispered and kissed his forehead again, trying to send him to sleep. 

His soft, sleepy smile was beautiful. "Hm... I know..." he muttered. 

He mumbled something so softly that I didn't hear it. 

"What was that?" He didn't reply. "Jay?"

He must have been asleep so I didn't bother him anymore, instead closing my eyes and nuzzling into his hair, breathing in deeply. His scent was amazing... The lavender vanilla shampoo he used made his hair smell incredible, even hours after showering. Underneath that and the smell of his body wash, there was something that was just... him. It smelt like home, and no matter how I was feeling could always relax me. 

I opened my eyes slightly, seeing the room lit my the slight light coming in from the moon outside. I looked over Jay. His usually tanned skin had a pale luminescence to it, making him look like something out of a fairy tale. I pressed a kiss into his hair, wondering how he could have become so important, so precious, to me in such a short period of time. 

(A/N Poor Jay </3 He almost told Kaidan a certain something he didn't want him to know, and what could it have possibly been that he said before he went to sleep. Hm... *strokes beard like a Bond villain* This is very interesting. Chapter dedicated to the_unknown_lie for having the most awesome hair ever in that profile pic ~Beka)

# Chapter Forty-Nine

"Kaidan, up!" a sudden voice was practically shouting at me. 

I jumped awake, looking around the room. Jay was hopping round, trying to pull his other sock on. I took the opportunity to look over his body quickly. Yep, still as hot as he was yesterday. 

"You're going to be late, come on!"

I frowned before realising I had college. I scrambled out of bed as quick as I could. 

"You don't have time for a shower, you'll have to leave that for now," he told me as he pulled his shorts up.

Those shorts would have just looked weird, or stupid, on anyone else, but they framed Jay's figure perfectly. They were denim and ripped in places, the hems ragged. 

"Yeah, babe, stop looking at my backside and get dressed. You can admire me all you like later."

I blushed at his words and rushed to get dressed in the clothes he'd bought me. A pair of loose grey jeans and a V-neck T-shirt that apparently made me look hot. I bit my lip before deciding on wearing a thong today. Surprise him later. Thankfully he hadn't noticed, too busy flicking through his phone, car keys on his finger and wallet in his mouth. 

I looked around the room quickly.

"Where's my bag?" I asked. 

Jay looked up at me. "I don't know, best find it." His words were slightly garbled as he held the leather wallet between his teeth. "Downstairs?" he suggested.

I nodded and ran down the stairs. I looked around and it was nowhere to be seen. I looked in the living room and even in the basement. 

"Oh!" Jay exclaimed from the top of the stairs. "I know!" He sat on the bannister of the stairs and slid down it. My heart stopped until he'd safely reached the bottom and I breathed a sigh of relief. 

He strode towards the cupboard under the stairs and opened it, pulling out my bag. 

"Ollie put it in here when he cleaned the other day," he said as he handed it to me. 

"Thanks," I said as I slipped my shoes on, taking it from him. "Is Ollie basically your housekeeper?"

"Pretty much," he nodded, grabbing his sunglasses and slipping them onto the top of his head. "It started out as him teaching me how to clean properly but then he got frustrated with me and took over. He likes cleaning."

"Why?" I asked as I headed towards the door. He followed at pulled it open, ushering me out. 

"He needs to feel useful. Finn gives him chores to do because it makes him feel like he's being of service," he explained quickly, striding towards the car with his usual posture, as if he hadn't been crying last night while I'd taken him. 

"Oh," I said simply as I followed. 

Jay pulled my door open for me as he passed it. I climbed in and did my seatbelt, putting my bag at my feet. 

"How are you feeling?" I asked as he climbed in.

He didn't reply for a few moments as he started the car and put his phone and wallet in the cupholder. 

"I'm alright," he said, a small smile on his face. He reversed and started down the drive towards the road as he pulled his seatbelt across his chest with one hand. "Yeah, I'm okay."

"Good," I murmured, taking his hand before he could put it on the steering wheel with his other one. 

He smiled over at me and squeezed, holding our hands in his lap. 

"Thank you, Kaidan. For last night, for everything. It meant a lot to me."

"That's okay," I said softly, turning to look out the window. 

"To be honest, that was probably the most intense sex I've ever had, even if I was topping from the bottom."

I didn't question his phrasing; there were lots of things he said that didn't really make sense to me so I just went with it now. 

"In a good way?" I asked, wanting to be sure. 

He nodded unquestioningly. "Definitely. I'd glad it was with you. First time for both of us. Well... Wanna-be first time for me..."

"Well, all that matters to me is that it was good for you."

Jay smiled a little. "It was."

"Good," I murmured as I smiled to myself. 

That was honestly all that had mattered to me. We'd done it for him, he'd wanted to do it - 'needed', apparently - but it would have been for nothing if it hadn't been good for him. In my opinion at least. 

We were quiet as he drove towards the college, the radio playing in the background but ignored. Our silence was comfortable, and I was happy with it. I didn't feel the need to break it. I was happy just sat here in the car with him while he held my hand. Both our windows were open, the summer air whipping through the car. I looked up at Jay; his hair almost reknowned for going with the wind. It was looking very much like sex hair, more than usual anyway. I smiled happily and went back to looking at our surroundings as we sped through the town. 

We pulled into the car park and he pulled up just outside the reception. 

"Ollie and I are going out this morning. Finn got called into the office early this morning to deal with some idiots so Ollie's on his own. Want me to get you anything when I come to pick you up?" he asked. 

I shook my head. "No, don't worry. Just have fun and tell him I said hi."

"I will do," he promised, letting go of my hand. "Go learn something for me."

I grinned and leant across to kiss him. He put his hand lightly on my cheek, as if he didn't want me to go. Suddenly I just wanted to stay. I didn't want to go to my classes, didn't want to see Sam. I hadn't even thought about Sam all weekend. I'm such a good friend. I just wanted to stay with Jay. 

"Go on, kitten," he said, almost pushing me towards the door. "Have a good day."

"I'll try," I said, smiling as I moved to get out. 

"Um, Kaidan?" Jay said, sounding tentative. "You know..."

I turned to look at him, leaning down from where I was stood on the curb. 

"You've got a bit of a whale tail there," he told me, biting his lip. I frowned slightly. "Your thong. Might want to pull your jeans up a bit."

I gasped in surprise and blushed, pulling them up and my top down, hoping to cover it. Jay just laughed softly. 

"It's kind of hot, to be honest though."

I blushed more and stood up. "Just go have fun, idiot."

He grinned widely as I shut the door, slinging my bag over my shoulder. I waved as he made a U-turn in the middle of the car park that shouldn't have been possible, but then I remembered that Jay probably had the best car money could buy. 

I headed in, checking the time on my phone, happier now. I still had a bit of time before I had to get to my lesson so I didn't have to rush like I'd thought I would. I signed in quickly and headed towards my locker. I frowned when I approached it. There was a guy stood beside it, as if he was waiting for me. He seemed familiar, one of Sam's friends? 

"Can I help you?" I asked as I got close, opening my locker and getting out the stuff I needed. 

"Um, I just wanted to say sorry," he said. 

I raised my eyebrow at him, a trait I'd apparently picked up from Jay over the weekend. 

"Sorry for what? Who are you?" I asked. 

"Oh, I'm Neil. One of Sam's friends. I wanted to say sorry for us dragging you to that strip club the other night. If we'd known you... You know, batted for the other team, we wouldn't have taken you there."

I sighed slightly. "It shouldn't matter if I 'bat for the other team', or not. I spent a very long time trying to tell you lot that I didn't want to get laid, that I didn't want to go out just to watch you pick up girls for one night stands."

"Yeah, but--"

"And you know what?" I interrupted him. "You never listened to me. I had to go with you, listen to your homophobic remarks and turn away the girls you sent my way. I never wanted any of that but you tried to force it on me."

I shut my locker, harder than I meant to, drawing a couple of eyes our way. 

"So you can take your apology and shove it up your arse, because I'm not going to listen to it. You were never my friends. You were Sam's friends, and I don't even like any of you. So just leave me alone, alright?" I said and turned, walking away without waiting for a response. 

I felt everyone's eyes on me as I walked as confidently as I could down the hall. I had absolutely no idea where that had come from, but I didn't feel bad for it. I'd told him the truth, I wasn't going to feel bad for telling him what I'd wanted to tell them all for a very long time. I wasn't at college to make friends and have fun, I was here to get some qualifications that would hopefully help me get a decent job. 

I walked into the classroom and sat down in my usual place. A girl looked up when I came in and walked over to join me. 

"Hey, does anyone sit here?" she asked, a slight blush across her cheeks. 

"No," I said, frowning slightly. 

"I'm Mina," she said as she sat down beside me, a friendly smile on her lips.

"I'm Kaidan..." I told her, still confused as to what she was doing over her. 

"I know. You're a friend of Jay's, right?" she asked. 

"I... guess so, yeah. How do you know him?"

"I'm a stripper at one of the locals," she said quietly, glancing round to make sure no one had heard. I nodded understandingly. "Jay's been a great help to me. He got me the job actually."

"Really? How?" I asked, curious. 

"His friend, Nick? He owns a couple clubs so he gave me a job. Jay taught me everything I know actually. How did you meet him?" she asked. 

"I, uh..." She'd been honest with me, why shouldn't I be honest with her? "He's, um, teaching me how to be a... porn star," I mumbled, fiddling with my fingers. 

"Oh, Rob sent you his way?" she said. 

"Yeah. You know Rob?"

Mina shrugged slightly. "Only through friends. So Jay's training you? How's he been? He's a really good teacher."

"He is," I nodded in agreement. "He's been really nice. Kind. I was... in a bad spot, and he helped me out more than any normal person would have."

She nodded with a smile. "So you're going into it for money?"

"Well, I'm hardly doing it because I love sex," I scoffed, playing with my pen. 

She rolled her eyes. "I hope it goes well for you. I hope we can be friends, even if it's just for someone who understands."

I nodded a little, thinking. "I'd like that," I said, smiling. "I don't have many friends anyway."

"I've got the friends I had when I was in school but that's about it."

Our conversation trailed off into mundane things; what we did at the weekend, our tastes in music, what we enjoyed doing. She was really easy to talk to, and I found myself actually enjoying the lesson. Usually I worked alone and spent the whole lesson just working, but with Mina beside me, she had me grinning and laughing the whole hour. It was good, to have met someone I could talk about that with. She seemed relaxed when she talked about her stripping, not shy and embarrassed like me. Maybe that's what I should be like about it... Although I was doing a little more than just stripping.

(A/N Good chapter? Hope you liked it :) Mina might become a bit more of a major character from here on. I think she's sweet, and Kaidan needs a couple friends. Feedback appreciated as always <3 Chapter dedicated to Anonymous-Me for the comment on the previous chapter. I'll only hurt our babies a tiny bit, I swear :*

I reckon Candice Accola would play Mina. Candice is just hot anyway, imo. Picture to the right ~Beka)

# Chapter Fifty

The day passed easier than expected. I'd thought that I'd hate every second and just want to go back to Jay, but actually having people to talk to and knowing that he was having fun kept me going. Soon enough, the afternoon rolled around and Jay was waiting for me in the car. I was only slightly surprised to see that Ollie was with him too. 

"Hey," I said, smiling as I approached them. "How was your morning?"

"It was good," Jay said, grinning. 

I smiled wider at the sight of that beautiful genuine grin of his and got in the car. Ollie was in the back and looked happy to be there. 

"Hey, Ollie."

"Hi, Kaidan. How's your day been? I hear you're joining Jay for a gig tonight," he replied. 

I couldn't help my slight blush. "Yeah, I guess I am."

"Nervous?" he asked.

"Ridiculously so," I admitted. 

"Why? It'll be fine, kitten, I promise. And if you get cold feet you don't have to come, you know that, right?" Jay said, almost worried. 

I put my hand on his thigh and squeezed reassuringly, smiling a little. 

"I know," I nodded. "Don't worry, I know. I'm just... Kind of excited to be honest."

"Well, we'll be able to get some more practice in this afternoon and then we can decide what you're going to wear. And maybe we can fit a little camera work in later. It's going to be a busy day."

I laughed slightly and rolled my eyes, smiling as I turned to look out the window. 

If Ollie noticed that I left my hand on Jay's leg, he didn't say anything.

***

"Come 
on
, kitten, legs up," Jay whined as he had me practising on the pole in the basement. 

Ollie was watching too, and I didn't want him to judge me or anything. I sort of wanted to be friends with him; he was funny, kind, and a generally awesome person. Now though, he sighed and practically kicked Jay in the head. 

"Shut up and leave him alone, he's doing fine," he murmured absentmindedly, not looking up once from his book. 

Jay was pouting now and rubbed his head. I bit my lip and came over. I laced my fingers through his and kissed softly at where he'd been rubbing.

"Better?" I asked softly.

He blushed and nodded, pushing me back towards the centre of the room. Ollie was watching me now, a thoughtful expression on his face. 

"I have an idea," he said as he went back to reading. "Record him, then you can show him where he's slipping up. It's not exactly like he can see himself, darling."

Jay nodded slowly. "What do you think?" he asked me. 

"I... Sure, okay. Camera practice too, right?"

I tried out a smile. He smiled back and nodded again, getting up. He went over to a wardrobe in the corner of the room and opened it, reaching up to grab a video camera from the shelf near the top. I didn't get a good look inside but it looked like a lot of different costumes and props and stuff. 

"Right," he said as he sat down on the sofa again. Ollie lifted his legs and then put them in Jay's lap; he just rolled his eyes. "Ready, baby?"

I blushed and nodded. The little melody chirped and he nodded as he started recording, Ollie pressing play on the stereo to play the music I'd been working to. I bit my lip and started the sequence we'd been working on for a while. It mainly consisted of the lifts and spins that he'd taught me the night before, trying to look sexy and, as Ollie put it, 'a hint of seduction'. 

The sequence was a couple minutes long and I was already pretty much panting halfway through. I bit my lip and looked straight at Jay through my lashes as I swished my hips against the pole. His breath caught in his throat, making me fight a triumphant grin. I maintained eye contact as I reached up, gripping the pole as I sashayed down the pole, until I was on my haunches and my knees were spread. 

"Dude!" Ollie exclaimed, pulling his legs back. "Seriously?"

Jay didn't even move to try and hide his erection. I bit my lip again, looking at it before moving back up to his eyes. His pupils were dilating, drowning out the brown in his eyes. 

"Ugh, I'm going. Thanks for today, Jay," Ollie said, getting up and heading up the stairs. He called back, "Have fun fucking!"

I blushed slightly and slid back up the pole, leaning against it, breathing heavily. 

"Come here," Jay said, his voice rough with lust. 

I walked over to him automatically, standing awkwardly in front of him. 

"Kneel down."

I did as I was told and my heart pretty much stopped when I realised what he wanted. He wanted to record me giving him a blowjob. I blushed slightly and leant forward, kissing him through his denim shorts. He moaned slightly, especially when I looked straight up at the camera. 

"Fuck," he breathed, closing his eyes briefly.

I unzipped them and pulled them down to his ankles before mouthing at him through his boxers. He moaned breathlessly, the camera seemed to shake in his hands. 

"You want to record me, baby?" I asked, surprised by how rough my voice was. "You going to record me sucking you and watch it when you're missing me and my pretty mouth?"

"
Yes
," he moaned, his dick twitching. 

"Good. I want you to watch it and jerk off because you love it so much," I murmured, pulling his boxers down too, unsure where all this was coming from but the look on Jay's face was worth any embarrassment later. 

"Fuck, Kaidan, blow me, please," he begged, almost a whine. 

"Oh, I'm going to, and you're going to make sure you get every single second of it."

He nodded slightly, trying to settle his hands so the camera wasn't shaking quite so much. 

I took his cock in my hand and kissed at the tip, listening to his gasp and feeling the jerk of his hips. I pulled back when he looked for more, grinning as he whined and whimpered. I licked up his length with the very tip of my tongue. His low groan was amazing. When I finally took him into my mouth, I looked straight into the camera as I took him all the way in, managing not to gag. 

He moaned and sighed with relief that he was finally in my mouth. 

"Feel so good," he whispered. 

I hummed in agreement, making him moan again and his hips jerk slightly. Still looking at the camera, I closed my eyes and slowly slid him in and out, flicking my tongue across his slit. I happily listened to his cries and moans, focusing on making him feel good.

"God, Kaidan, that's it, like that. Fuck..." he murmured before moaning slightly. "Yeah, baby, look up at me, look at the camera, kitten."

I looked straight up into the camera and kept going. His moans got louder slightly as I looked up at him and kept my eyes on him. 

"Kaidan, I-I'm..."

I closed my eyes again and swallowed hard around him. He cried out, coming down my throat. I took it all and pulled off, licking him clean. He stopped the recording and dropped the video camera beside him, pulling me up into his lap and kissing me hard, clutching at my hair. I gasped in surprise and moaned slightly as he took the opportunity to slip his tongue in between my lips. 

"How was that?" I asked quietly, blushing, when he pulled away, both of us panting. 

"Jesus..." He let his forehead fall against mine, eyes closed. 

"No, just me," I said with a slight grin. 

He laughed a little and kissed me again, softer this time. 

"You're a natural camera worker," he murmured, running his fingers through my hair. 

I blushed more. "You think so?"

"If you're like that, fucking hell yes. A definite natural. That was so hot," he said quietly. 

"I'm glad Ollie went," I admitted in a whisper. 

He grinned. "Me too. Maybe you should give me boners more often."

I laughed at that and sat in his lap, resting my head on his shoulder. 

"So how was I with the dancing?" I asked cautiously. 

"Hot. Very hot. Good as well, you just need a little more muscle mass if you want to continue with it." I looked up at him, shocked that he was saying I didn't have to. He rolled his eyes. "Pole dancing isn't a necessary part of doing porn, y'know? Besides, pole dancing is an actual sport. If you think I'm good, I'll take you to the championships one day."

"Well, you'll always be the best in my eyes," I said quietly, blushing again. 

He chuckled softly and pressed a kiss into my hair. 

"Let's decide what you're going to wear then we can get a good shower. As hot as sweaty you is, we need to be clean for later."

I nodded and got up, stretching. 

"Sore?" he asked. 

"Kind of in a good way. It'll come back to bite me in the arse tomorrow though, I'm positive about that."

He rolled his eyes. "So, costumes."

He went over to the wardrobe in the corner of the room and opened it wide. Now I could see there was a collection of outfits, shoes and props. My eyes went wide at the sight and chains and a riding crop. He looked over at me, about to speak before he saw my shock and frowned. 

"Kaidan?" he asked, his tone almost concerned. 

"Sorry, I just... Are you into chains and crops or something?"

He smiled slightly, his concern melting away. "No, I've taken enough beatings in my life. Besides, I hate hurting people unless I know they really want it and I know them well."

"Like Ollie?" I decided not to mention his comment about taking beatings, immediately having an idea as to who he was talking about. 

"Yeah, like Ollie. When Finn goes away sometimes, I'm in charge of Ollie. He'll come and stay here, do everything he normally does at home, follow pretty much the same rules, that sort of thing." He shrugged. "It makes both him and Finn feel better, so I may as well. Plus, Ollie's an awesome cook."

I laughed slightly and went over to him. 

"I've been told that the party we're doing like the whole leather, wet look PVC shebang so I've got a few ideas of what we could wear." He looked me up and down slowly. "You know, you would look very sexy in wet look shorts. Very, very sexy."

I blushed and watched as he looked through the wardrobe before he pulled out a pair, handing them to me. He looked at me intensely for a moment before looking through the cupboard again. He pulled out a pair of scarlet, blood red high heels that were at least five inches.

"No way will I be able to walk in them," I said. 

"Ah, but you won't be walking, you'll be dancing. You'll feel sexy, and that is 
all
 sexy is. Confidence."

He smiled and held them out to me. 

"What about you? What are you going to wear?"

"I don't know... I was thinking of going for a tight leather look with the sort of nakedness that still has too many clothes on," he mused, looking into the wardrobe. 

I rolled my eyes and turned to the floor length mirror on the wall. I set the heels down and stepped into them. Even though I was wearing knee length shorts and a tank top, I had to admit that I did feel a little bit sexier... I turned to Jay to ask him what he thought to see him pulling out a pair of thigh high boots with heels so high I was pretty sure he'd fall over. He placed the boots on the floor and pulled out a leather thong-looking thing and a leather jacket. 

"Perfect," he muttered. 

"So... What do you think?" I asked, almost shyly. 

He looked me up and down slowly. "Very nice. Much nicer when you've got all that beautiful skin on display, of course."

I blushed slightly. "So what happened to the 'too many clothes on' sort of nakedness?" I asked, gesturing to the outfit he'd picked out. 

He grinned widely and shrugged. "Not really my thing. Are you going to let me put makeup on you?" he said curiously. 

"Really? Not only am I wearing heels, I'm having makeup too?"

"You don't have to, and it won't be much. Maybe some black lipstick and eyeliner."

"That's it...?" He nodded, smiling reassuringly. "Okay then," I sighed. 

He grinned happily and kissed me quickly. 

"Come on, lets go and get a shower first," he said, picking up his stuff and taking my hand.

He led me out, but I grabbed the camera before we left. He grinned slightly, biting his lip. 

"I want to watch it, 'kay?" I muttered, my cheeks pink now. 

(A/N So next chapter, maybe one after will be Kaidan doing his first pole dancing gig. Definitely not what he expected this time last week! ;D Thank you so much for being patient with me, just couldn't write yesterday. Chapter dedicated to lilybee28 for making this story her important owl shit XD Love you all! ~Beka)

# Chapter Fifty-One

Okay, Jay officially had more makeup than a lot of shops I'd been in. It seemed like it anyway. It was all neatly organised too, lipsticks all lined up in a certain colour scheme, eyeshadow arranged apparently in a random pattern but I had a feeling there would be nothing random about it.

"Jay, you have more makeup than a girl," I said as he nosed through them, biting his lip thoughtfully. 

He looked surprised that I'd spoken, as if he'd forgotten I was there. I was stood, mostly naked except for the towel around my waist, in the middle of the room but apparently that wasn't enough to not be forgotten. 

"What do you mean?" he asked. 

I rolled my eyes. "Seriously, look how much you have. I've never met a girl with that much makeup in her room."

"You go in girls' bedrooms very often?" he teased. 

I narrowed my eyes playfully and smacked his shoulder lightly. "Shut up, idiot."

Jay grinned and continued sorting through, looking for exactly what he wanted. He picked up a black lipstick and then black and white eyeshadows, passing them to me. 

"Go get dry, I'll join you in just a sec."

I nodded and went into the bedroom with the walk-in wardrobe, setting the stuff down on the bed as I unwrapped the towel from around my waist, drying myself. When Jay did join me a couple moments later, he dropped a shit load of makeup onto the bed, muttering to himself about hair. He seemed to freeze, tilting his head as he thought. 

"Jay? What's up?" I asked, a little worried. 

"Hm? Oh, nothing. I'm just thinking about what days I'm working this week."

"Oh. Are you sure that's all?"

He smiled sweetly and kissed me softly. "I promise. You might be able to join me again if you enjoy tonight. It's good money just to put on a little bit of a show. Plus, paired stripping is the best; you've no idea how crazy people go just watching two semi-naked guys making out on stage."

"So basically, tonight for me is practising pole dancing, working on putting on a show, and making out with you?" His wolfish grin was answer enough. "Sounds good to me."

I couldn't help biting my lip as I untucked the towel around his waist and held both ends, using it to pull him towards me. I stood on my tiptoes to kiss him. He hummed happily, kissing me back, placing his hands on my hips. I suddenly felt brave and tugged hard on his towel, pulling him right against me. He gasped in surprise, looking down at me in disbelief. 

"Fiesty little thing, aren't you?" he muttered before kissing at my jaw. "Come on, lets get you all made up."

I groaned in frustration. "But things were just getting good," I pouted. 

He smirked slightly, kissing at my skin again. "I know, kitten, but just have patience. Good things come to those who wait. What time do your classes start tomorrow?"

"Uh..." It was a struggle to mentally pull up my timetable through the fog of my arousal. "12."

"Good. Because, baby, we are having a late night tonight, even after we get back."

His words, the promise in them, the almost-threat, had my breath catching and heart racing. I just wanted to go. Now. The sooner we went, the sooner we got back, and that couldn't come soon enough. He chuckled at me and kissed the juncture of my neck and shoulder softly before letting go. My grip on his towel loosened and it fell, leaving us both naked. I was surprisingly comfortable with him seeing me naked like this. Usually I was self-conscious, body-shy, but with Jay... That all went away. 

"Sit on the floor and cross your legs," he ordered softly, picking up the makeup he'd chosen for me. 

I did as I was told and sat with my legs crossed and eyes closed, trying to keep still from fidgeting. I'd never worn makeup before and flinched in surprise when his gentle fingers touched my cheek. 

"Relax, sweetheart," he said softly. With a small smile on my lips, I heard him pop open the eyeshadow. "This will feel funny, but I need you to keep your eyes shut. And try to stop your eyelids fluttering."

I frowned, about to ask what he meant when the first brush of eyeshadow touching my eyelid. I couldn't my lids quivering like they did. He paused and continued, pausing again when my eyelids caused too much trouble. I frowned again when I felt him brush at the corner of my eye and a little on my lower lid. 

"Nearly done with this one, kitten," he said happily. 

Shit, there's still another one to go. I sighed and imagined the little quirk of his lips into a small smile, at my expense. He opened a second pot and brushed a little at where the other makeup ended before doing the other one. This one was much quicker as I gained control of the flickering of my eyelids. 

"There," he said, closing the pot. "Open."

I hesitantly opened my eyes to look up at him. When my eyes met his, he opened his mouth as if he was about to say something but decided against it, shutting his mouth again. 

"Kaidan... You look beautiful," he murmured. 

"I am not beautiful," I muttered grumpily, probably sounding like a petulant child. 

He grinned widely. "Open your mouth."

I raised an eyebrow at him but did as I was told. He smeared the black lipstick he'd chosen onto my lips and sat back to admire his handiwork. He lifted a hand to wipe a bit of the lipstick away. 

"There," he said again with a grin. "Perfect. Go look."

I wasn't really sure I wanted to. But he seemed happy, ecstatic even, so I stood and went to the mirror, looking at myself. I gasped in surprise, hardly recognising myself. Jay came over too, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind and kissing at my shoulder. He met my eyes in the mirror and smiled against my skin.

"You like?"

"I... Yeah, surprisingly," I admitted. 

He grinned triumphantly and kissed my temple, making me smile. 

"Good. Get dressed while I do mine?" he suggested.

I nodded as he let go, grabbing his makeup too. His actually looked more minimalistic than mine, which had me narrowing my eyes at him. Was he trying to make me look like a girl? I picked up my shorts. 

"No, kitten, we'll change into those there. Just put something comfortable on for now. Sweatpants or something."

Oh. I nodded to myself again and went to his drawers. He'd given me free range of his clothes - the ones that fitted anyway. I grabbed a pair of sweatpants that we'd found were perfect on me, and pulled out another vest top to pull over my head easily so it wouldn't spoil my makeup. 

"Why didn't we just do makeup there? We're going to get changed there anyway," I said, turning to look at him. 

"Well," he said before he coated his bottom lip in bright red lipstick, the top one already done. "I usually do, but I wasn't sure how long it would take to do your makeup, or how resistant you'd be to the idea of it. With something a bit more fancy, it's easier to do it beforehand and just do touch-ups when we get there."

"Oh, okay," I said, sitting down on the bed. 

When he asked, I packed all the stuff we'd need for tonight into a small duffel bag that he'd directed me too. I sat down again and just watched him finish off his makeup. Apart from the scarlet lipstick, he had thick black eyeliner and mascara. I had to admit, it was hot. Imagining him like that in the costume he had planned, lust shot through me, making me shiver. He saw me in the mirror and grinned. 

"Problem, Kaidan?" Jay asked teasingly, as if he already knew what the problem was. 

"You're too hot for your own good," I grumbled, fiddling with the strings of the drawstring waist of the trousers. 

He grinned widely, a wicked grin that had my heart picking up. 

"I know," was all he said. 

When he was finished, he dressed similarly to me and took my hand, pulling the duffel bag onto his shoulder. I walked with him down the stairs as we went back out to the car. He threw the bag into the back seat.

"How are you feeling?" he asked. 

"Nervous," I admitted quietly, suddenly finding a very interesting spot on my knee. 

He squeezed my hand reassuringly. "Don't worry, babe. If at any point you get too nervous or embarrassed, or shy, you tell me and we can fake you an illness, okay?"

I smiled slightly. He was so good at taking care of me, giving me anything I needed. It made me feel guilty that there wasn't anything I could give him back. I'd have to think of something. 

"Okay," I agreed, meeting his eyes again. 

"You're gorgeous, kitten," he said, kissing me softly, not caring if the black on my lips marred the red on his. I couldn't help my blush. 

"If you say so."

"So you're allowed to call me hot, and sexy, and all these wonderful things, but I'm not allowed to call you gorgeous or beautiful?" he asked. It was slightly sarcastic but a genuine question all the same. 

"You can call me whatever you want, doesn't mean I'll believe it."

He smiled and took his hand back, starting the car and driving off. 

"I was like you once, you know," he mused softly. 

"What do you mean?" I asked. 

"Shy, nervous. Didn't believe any compliments anyone gave me. I once started crying when someone said I was pretty, because that was what he used to say to me while he..." Jay took a deep breath, momentarily tightening his grip on the steering wheel. 

"Hey," I said softly, trying to comfort him, "it's okay. He's gone now, and I'm not going to let anyone hurt you again."

His little smile looked almost pacified. "The way you say it makes me want to believe you."

"Then do. I might only be in your life for... a work thing, but... you're my friend," I admitted quietly. "I don't want anyone hurting you ever again."

"Kaidan..." His voice sounded broken, as if he was suddenly on the verge of tears. When I looked up at him, he turned his face away from me for as long as he dared to before looking back at the road. Then he was his usual collected self again. "Thank you."

"It's okay," I said, putting my hand on his leg. I wanted to comfort him, to hold him in my arms and just tell him that it would be okay. I wanted to make him believe it. 

"You're... Not just a work thing, Kaidan." I frowned and looked up at him. "You're different. I've never told anyone who wasn't one of my closest friends about my past. Not the bits I've told you. And... while there are some things I know I can never tell anyone, I know you'll be there."

"Of course I will." I caught his hand in mine, lacing our fingers together and held his hand against my heart. "I'm not going anywhere."

"I know," he said with a little smile. "You talk in your sleep."

I blushed. "What other things have I been saying?"

"How wonderful I am, how amazing I am, you know, the usual," he teased softly. 

"Oh shut up... But seriously, what have I been saying?"

"Don't worry about it, babe, it's not important."

"Hm..." I looked him up and down, wondering whether to believe him or not. 

From the expression on his face, I knew I wouldn't be getting the truth out of him anytime soon. I shrugged to myself and decided not to think about all the horribly embarrassing things I could have been saying. 

(A/N Bit boring? But fluffy at the end <3 Love these two boys with all my heart. Chapter dedicated to jaybleurose for wanting to see Ollie's attempt at pole dancing. Haha, maybe one day, if Finn lets him ;D The photo to the side is the sort of makeup I see Kaidan having in this chapter. I think it suits him ~Beka)

# Chapter Fifty-Two

The club we pulled up to was familiar, vaguely. The name of it anyway: 
Sinners Playground.
 

"Does the owner know he's missing an apostrophe?" I asked quietly, more to myself than Jay. 

Jay laughed and grinned over at me as we parked. "He does, because his friends poke fun at him every time it comes up."

"You know him?" 

"Yeah, Nick. He owns a lot of the clubs in town. The one we met at, for example, he owns that one too."

"Wow... You know, I've never actually spoken to Nick."

"Well you'll be able to meet him tonight," he said with a smile as he got out, grabbing the duffel bag from the back. 

I followed, looking around shyly in case I saw anyone I know, which was doubtful but still possible. I noticed Jay was a little bit ahead of me so I jogged to catch up. He led me down the back alley next to the club. 

"We're using the back passage," he said over his shoulder to me, a stupid childish grin on his face. 

I groaned at his bad joke. "You're really not as funny as you think you are."

"Kaidan, I'm hurt. I always thought I was hilarious."

"That's exactly my point, darling," I said softly, patting his shoulder. 

The alley was dark and I didn't notice when I took Jay's hand, but my heart slowed it's panicked rush when I did. 

"Jay?" a female voice said. I couldn't see who it was because I was behind him. 

"Hey!" Jay exclaimed, the grin obvious in his voice. "I didn't know you were on tonight, babe. It's lovely to see you. I've got Kaidan with me tonight for my gig, see how it goes."

"Oh, hey Kaidan, I didn't see you there," the voice said. It was familiar...

I had to stand on my tiptoes to look over Jay's shoulder. Mina was stood there, leaning against the wall eating a box of fries. She wasn't wearing much, but she did have an overcoat on in case she froze to death in her lingerie. 

"Mina, hi," I grinned. 

"Wow, you look hot. Well, as hot as this crappy light will allow," she laughed. 

I blushed slightly, unsure how to respond to that. 

"Anyway, we'll see you at some point probably, Mi, so don't die in that sexy outfit of ours."

She rolled her eyes. "No, babe, you're not getting a dance for free."

Jay scoffed at her. "I've got Kaidan, and he's much hotter than you."

"No arguments there," she said. "Go in and get ready before you're late for the horny old men."

"We're doing a private party," Jay replied, sticking his tongue out at her as he put the code in the door and pushed it open, leading me in. Mina gave me a wave as I passed. 

"Mina dances here?" I asked curiously. 

"She dances all over town but this is closest to her house apparently."

I looked around the room we'd entered. It seemed like a typical dressing room from films and stuff, counters full of makeup, mirrors everywhere. There didn't seem to be anywhere private to change, but I continued my silent search with my eyes. 

"The girls won't be in for a while on their first break so you don't need to worry about them walking in," Jay said as he dropped the duffel to the floor and started stripping off. 

"What about Mina...?"

"What about her? Oh, right. Just wait till she goes back out then; we've got time."

"You really don't care, do you?" I asked curiously as he searched through the bag for his stuff, just in his boxers.

"No, why should I? I've got nothing to hide except my scars," he said with a shrug.

I frowned, looking over him. For the first time, I noticed long thin white lines across his body. They were everywhere; his back, his arms, his legs...

"I... I never noticed them before."

He shrugged again. "Not many people do."

"What happened?" I asked quietly, reaching out to touch one. He slowly came to a stop as soon as our skin touched. "Was it him?"

He nodded a little and slowly turned around to face me. I took both of his hands in mine and stepped closer. I lent up to kiss him softly. He just looked at me, as if waiting for me to demand to know what had happened. I didn't. If he wanted to tell me, he would. He cupped my cheek in one hand, running his thumb across my cheekbone. I lent into the touch, hoping to reassure him anyway I could. He smiled a little and kissed me. 

The door opened and Mina came in. She hung her coat up and left without a word, but probably with a curious glance in our direction. 

"Come on, let's get changed," I murmured, kissing him briefly before moving to the duffel bag. 

I undressed quickly, but it was a bit of an effort to get into the shorts. Jay was grinning to himself, already dressed in his outfit. 

"If you laugh at me, I swear to God I will slap you," I threatened absentmindedly, managing to get them on and do the buttons.

Jay held his hands up in surrender. "Not laughing, I promise."

"Yeah, sure," I muttered. 

He held his hands out to me, which I took so I could more easily get into the heels. He stepped back, his heeled thigh-high boots clacking on the floor. 

"So...? What do you think?" I asked nervously. 

"I think you are the hottest thing I have ever seen." There was no joke in his voice as he spoke. 

"I'm not a 'thing'," I murmured, blushing a little. 

"I know, relax. But you want to act confident, whether you are or not. Chin up, smile, no slouching and no curling in on yourself."

"You basically just told me to do nothing that I usually do," I pointed out.

"Yeah, well, apparently I make you all nervous and blushing like a teenage girl."

I looked at him blankly and he was obviously trying to hide his grin. 

"When are we going out?"

He looked up at the big clock on the wall. "We've got a little bit." He stepped closer to me and leaned down, kissing at my jaw - no doubt leaving red lipstick marks in his wake. "Whatever shall we do with the time?"

"I have an idea," I said, my breath picking up already. 

"Oh? Do tell," he grinned, trailing his fingers down my chest. 

Someone cleared their throat and I jumped back. Jay had to grab my elbow to stop me from falling in my heels. 

"As much as I love you, Jay, I don't condone sex in the girls' dressing room."

I turned to see who it was and recognised the man as one of Jay's friends. Nick. 

"Hello, Kaidan," he said, a little smirk on his face. 

"Don't look at him like that," Jay scolded, pulling me back against him. 

"Like what?"

"Like 
that
. Like you're going to eat him, or worse: offer him a job."

Nick laughed, grinning. Despite their arguing, it seemed good-natured and friendly. 

"He's doing a gig, Jay. Everyone will be looking at him like that."

"Yeah, but you're my friend, so I can punch you."

My stomach fluttered at Jay's protectiveness over me, making me blush and press further back against him. 

Nick just rolled his eyes. "Whatever, babe. The boys will be leading the party into the gig room in five minutes, you might want to get in there."

Jay sighed and took my hand, leading me out. He stuck his tongue out at Nick as we passed, who did the same. 

"You two are like children, you know?" I pointed out.

They just laughed. "Yeah, we know," Nick said, ushering us out of the room. 

The music suddenly hit me and I realised the dressing room must have been really well sound-proofed. We got a few weird looks from the usual patrons of the club but I took a deep breath and tried to look confident like Jay had told me, meeting their eyes at times. They looked away quickly and I had to fight my triumphant grin. Jay seemed to notice and rolled his eyes but said nothing. 

He opened a door and took me inside. The room was surprisingly large with about five poles around the room. This seemed to be sound-proofed too, with its own music system. The lights were dim but spotlights were on all of the poles. 

Jay let go of my hand and went over to a button on the wall. He pressed it and two little doors slid apart to reveal the music system in the wall. He hummed as he went through the playlists or whatever it was he was doing. I went over to look at it. He found a playlist called 'Jay' and grinned. 

"There we go," he muttered, selecting it. 

"You have your own playlist?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"You forget just how amazing I am, babe," he grinned. 

I rolled my eyes at him and took a small towel when he offered it. I wiped myself down and helped him as he went around the poles, wiping them too. 

"Ready?" he asked, smiling reassuringly. 

I took a deep breath and nodded. "As ready as I'll ever be."

He went back to the music system and held a button, speaking into it: 

"Ready, George," he said. 

He walked quickly to a pole and stood in front of it, wrapping his hands around it at his lower back. He bent his knee slightly and brought his foot a little closer to the pole and tipped his head forward a little. I blinked before rushing to the pole beside him and copying him. What he was doing, I had no idea and I'd ask him later but right now we needed to be ready. 

The door we'd come through opened and the party we'd be 'entertaining' came in, whooping and laughing. Some of them were clearly drunk already. I glanced over to Jay and he smiled reassuringly. I took another deep breath and closed my eyes, ready. 

"Remember the house rules, gentlemen," one of the bouncers said. "No touching, no insulting and our performers have the right to refuse anything you ask of them."

The bouncer nodded to Jay and left, leaving his colleague at the door as he left. The men took seats on the sofas and in the armchairs around the room. The short song finished and I couldn't help my little smile as the song I'd been practising to came on. I instantly knew that Jay and I would be dancing together with the sequence he'd taught me. 

The second I moved, he did too and the guys whooped and cheered as we started. At one point Jay and I met eyes and grinned at each other. My heart leapt at the excitement in his eyes. 

When the song finished and we both stopped in the same position, the party cheered and applauded. Jay grinned and stepped forward from the pole. I stayed where I was, breathing heavily. 

"Good evening, gentlemen," he said, his voice almost a purr. "My name is Jay and this is Kaidan. We're here for your entertainment tonight."

They cheered and laughed among themselves. Jay came over to me briefly. 

"Improvise," he whispered before going back to his pole. 

I looked at him, panicking now. I only knew a few things! Compared to him I was a baby. He smiled reassuringly and started dancing as the next song began. I took a deep breath and tried to just turn my mind off, letting my body just do what it wanted. 

I opened my eyes and realised I was doing a slut-drop against the pole. I blushed but felt a little better when everyone whooped. I grinned a little, looking over at Jay. He grinned back reassuringly from where he was hanging upside from the pole. A few of the men seemed to be getting restless so I took a deep breath and went over to one of them, liking the sound of my heels hitting the floor. 

I straddled the guy in the middle of the sofa, presumably the head of the party. He looked up at me and grinned a little. I grinned back and put my hands on the back of the couch either side of his head and shimmied against him. His breath caught in his throat and I rolled my hips against his stomach. I slid off him until I was standing between his legs. I spread my legs and bent down a little, leaving my hands on the couch. His eyes slid across my back to my arse before coming back to my face. I smirked a little and fluttered my eyelashes slightly. 

I stood up again and put my hands on his knees, leaning back to rub my shorts lightly against his jeans. He groaned slightly and put his hands on my hips. I didn't stop him, even though I knew I should have. Suddenly I pressed myself down against him and rubbed hard, pulling a loud moan from him. 

I got up and just walked away from him, making sure to sway my hips as I did. I looked up at Jay, biting my lip. His eyes were dark and his breathing ragged as he looked at me. I blinked innocently, smiling. Jay's lips quirked up into a little smile as he watched me. 

I had no idea what was making me feel so sexy, so confident, but I was liking it. I climbed the pole and twisted around it as I slid down. I spread my legs, leaning back on my heels as I reached as high up the pole as I could. Jay walked over to me and knelt behind me. He grabbed my hair and tugged my head back, kissing me hard, bringing more cheers from the guys. I grinned a little when he pulled away. 

"I can't wait to get you home," he whispered in my ear before nipping and tugging a little. 

Jay got up and walked over to one of the men and started giving him a lap dance. As I watched I kept moving slightly, swaying my hips and spinning round. Fuck, he was so hot... Even when he wasn't 'pleasuring' me. He looked up at me and fluttered his eyelashes coquettishly. I grinned a little and when he came back to the poles, I walked over to another guy. We set up a rhythm of working the poles and dancing. I hardly noticed whenever someone would slip some money into my shorts or push it into my hand.

I couldn't believe how much fun I was actually having. It became a competition between Jay and I as to who could tease the other the most. By the time the evening was over, I had stacks of notes around my pole. The head of the party, the first guy I'd danced for, came over at the end. 

"I just wanted to thank you both for dancing for us tonight," he said with a slightly drunk smile and he passed us both some more money. 

The bouncers ushered everyone out, leaving just Jay and I in the room. I turned to talk to him but I was suddenly pushed against the pole and he was kissing me. I threw an arm up, managing to grab onto the pole before I slipped. 

"Fuck," he whispered when he pulled away. "I've been waiting for that 
all
 fucking night."

I grinned a little, breathing rapidly. "Do we have to get out yet?"

"Not yet."

"Good," I whispered, pulling away when he tried to kiss me again. He pouted and scowled at me when he saw that I didn't mean so we could make out some more. I just grinned. 

I sat down on the floor and collected my money, starting to count it. Jay rolled his eyes and shrugged his jacket off. He sat behind me, leaning back against me. The only sound in the room was the shifting of bank notes and quiet muttering. 

"You know, I used to make this much in a 
week,
" I murmured. 

"This is just tips, babe. You were amazing, honestly."

I blushed a little. "I really don't know what came over me."

"It doesn't matter, but you were honestly amazing. Come on, let's go find Nick and get paid."

"Jesus... Maybe we should go out tomorrow night. I don't know, do something. Maybe with Ollie and Finn."

"Could do," he said with a nod. 

He got up, holding his money in one hand and holding his other out to me to help me up. I smiled and took it, getting up. I kissed him gently. 

"You've got black lipstick all over you," I pointed out. 

"And you red," he grinned. 

We got our money, changed quickly and got in the car to go home. 

(A/N Extra long chapter for you today! I was busy travelling yesterday so couldn't get a chapter up but here you go :D Chapter dedicated to XSUICIDALRAINBOWX for wanting this chapter so she can drool over our boys XD ~Beka)

# Chapter Fifty-Three

The minute we stepped inside the house, Jay pulled me against him. His lips were on mine hungrily and I couldn't help my moan as I gripped his hair tightly. He mewled as I tugged and pushed him towards the stairs. He just picked me up, holding my thighs. I wrapped my legs around his waist, kissing at his neck as he carried me upstairs as quickly as he could. I bit at his skin before he dropped me onto the bed. 

He shed the few clothes he was wearing, kicking off his boots. I reached for my shorts but I was struggling to get them off. He laughed a little and pulled them down with one quick, sharp tug. My heels clattered to the floor and Jay threw the shorts over his shoulder somewhere. He kissed me again roughly, moaning slightly as I tugged at his hair again. I grabbed at his back, scratching with my blunt nails and moaning as he rubbed his hips against mine. He pulled away to kiss messily along my jaw. 

"You're so fucking hot, Kay," he whispered, breathing heavily. My heart fluttered at the nickname. "Seeing you dancing on those guys got me so hard, so jealous."

I was panting now, my eyes lightly shut. His words were just washing over me, hardly registering in my mind. 

"Jealous?" I asked, tipping my head back to give him better access to my neck. 

He just hummed in response, mouthing at my skin, licking and biting. "Yeah," he eventually murmured. "So hot..."

He ground his hips against mine hard, pulling loud moans from both of us. I used my grip on his hair to pull his face back to mine to kiss him again while my other hand reached down, wrapping around our cocks. His breath caught in his throat and he whined slightly. I grinned a little and moved my hand. He moaned, his hips bucking into the circle of my hand and rubbing against my cock. I moaned as well, louder than before as I threw my head back into the mattress. 

I watched him as he sucked two of his fingers into his mouth, wrapping his tongue around them to get them wet. He reached down and slid one easily inside me. The feeling was barely-there but enough to have me begging quietly, gripping at his hair and shoulders while my hand stuttered between us. 

"Jay, please," I whispered. 

"What is it you want, Kay?" he asked as he moved his finger quickly. "You've got to tell me."

My voice was as shaky as his when I replied. 

"I want you to fuck me," I gasped out. "I-I want you to fuck me so hard I can't walk straight. You're going to fuck me right into his mattress, over and over again."

He moaned at my words, briefly resting his head on my shoulder. "That can be arranged," he whispered as he easily added a second finger, speeding up further. 

I gasped and moaned, whining a little as my body took it and demanded more. He spread his fingers inside me, moving them fast. My hand on our cocks shuddered and paused occasionally. 

"Oh God... Shit... I'm going to come, Jay, you need to slow down."

He made a noise that sounded like a frustrated growl and God, that was hot. He did as I said, bringing his fingers back together and slowing their movement. I let my hand fall from between us onto my stomach. I gasped in surprise when Jay buried his face in my neck. 

"You smell so good, Kaidan," he muttered. 

"Yeah?" I asked with a breathless grin.

"God, yes," he whispered, licking a long stripe up my neck. "Taste good too."

He slid down my body slightly, leaving light but hot kisses on my body until he got to my cock. He looked up at me through his long lashes as he licked at me. I moaned, burying a hand in his hair again. He kept his movements inside me with his fingers as he took me into his mouth, moving slowly. The heat of his mouth was burning and good, his tongue flicking out to get me occasionally. I moaned, using my grip on his hair to angle his head. 

He shifted slightly, bringing his knees under him so he didn't have to support himself and his other hand was free to roam my body. He reached up, trailing his fingertips down my neck before slowly dragging his nails down my chest, across my nipple. I gasped in surprise at that, my hips jerking up into his mouth. He moaned a tiny bit and looked up at me as he continued sucking on me. My eyes were locked on his and I couldn't look away, not even when he firmly took hold of the base of my cock and twisted, pulling another moan out of me. 

"Slow down," I whispered half-heartedly, really not meaning it. 

He smirked slightly around me and trailed his hand lower to my balls, rolling them between his fingers. I gasped and moaned loudly, tugging at his hair hard, making him moan too. The only sound in the room was our shared moans and heavy breathing. He tugged slightly at them and pulled off my cock with a quiet pop. He shuffled back slightly at kissed at my balls, letting his eyes close. He swirled his tongue around one before sucking on the other. I cried out loudly as I came, panting from the most intense orgasm I'd ever had. 

Jay grinned up at me leant up, licking my come off my belly with long strokes of his tongue. When he was finished, he kissed at my jaw and whispered in my ear:

"Yum."

His hot ragged breath washed against my skin softly, making me shiver. 

"You still haven't done as you're told," I whispered, slightly shakily. 

"And what's that?"

"Fuck me." I looked up at him as I said it. 

He grinned a little and stroked me quickly until I was hard again. I would definitely be sleeping soundly tonight. He reached over to the side table and opened the top drawer, getting out the lube and a condom. I grabbed his wrist, stopping him, surprising the both of us. 

"No," I breathed before swallowing hard. "No condom. I want to feel you properly."

"Are you sure?" he asked hesitantly. 

I nodded quickly, taking the foil packet from him and throwing it back into the drawer. I pulled him down to kiss me and took the lube too, squirting some onto my hand and wrapping it around his cock, moving slowly the spread it everywhere. He took it back and quickly lubed his fingers before coming back to me and starting on three fingers immediately. I moaned and arched, pulling him in further. He spread his fingers and soon took them out. 

"Are you sure about this?" he asked again. 

I grinned slightly as I wrapped my legs around his waist. "We're both clean, right?"

"Yeah," he replied without question. 

"Then go."

He paused another moment before lifting my hips and guiding himself to my hole, sliding in easily. I moaned, pressing against his lower back with my heels to try and get him all the way in quicker. 

"How's that?" he whispered, his breathing ragged. 

"Awesome, now just fuck me, will you?" I asked rhetorically. 

He laughed a little and pulled nearly all the way out before thrusting back in, quick and hard. I cried out, throwing my head back. He circled his hips, buried inside me, before pulling out again slowly before slamming in again. He circled his hips against my arse once again and he kept going like that for a few moments before he was moving quickly, hardly pulling out at all. I was moaning loudly, gripping onto him wherever I could; his hair, his shoulders, neck, arms, back, anywhere. 

His thrusts became shallow and slow then, giving me a chance to catch my breath a little before he suddenly slid all the way in, making me gasp. 

"God, Jay," I whispered, panting now. 

"You like that?" he asked, breathless too. 

"Fucking love it," I murmured before gasping suddenly as he slid in deep. "Oh God... Fuckin' love you, Jay."

I froze and my eyes flew open to stare up at him as I tried to think of a reason for what I just said. He just chuckled, hiding his face in my neck as he kept moving. 

"I'm amazing, I know," he said, though there was a strange tone to his voice, an emotion I hadn't heard in him before and I couldn't place it. 

I wasn't sure whether to be relaxed or hurt that he'd dismissed it that easily. I hadn't meant to say it and it wasn't even true, it just came out and--

"Stop thinking," Jay admonished softly. "Thinking can wait till tomorrow."

I opened my mouth to reply but any words in mind were thrown out as he thrust in sharply. I cried out and just gave myself over to him as he sped up again. His movements became more and more erratic as he got closer, but I was right there with him. We were standing on the edge of the cliff and I fell first, coming with a loud moan. He buried himself in me once more before he came too, moaning. I gasped in surprise at the feeling of warmth spreading inside me. 

Despite my mind's protests, feeling the need to talk to him and explain what I'd said, my body drifted off into sleep. 

***

When I woke, my mind was foggy. I hadn't slept so deeply in a very long time. The first thing I became aware of was Jay's naked form pressed against me from behind. I blinked to clear my head and focus my eyes before turning my head to look at him. His eyes were closed but the minute he felt me moving, they opened quickly, pupils dilating in the sudden light. 

"Sorry for waking you," I murmured, rubbing at my eye. 

"It's alright, I wasn't asleep."

I frowned and looked up at him. "You weren't? What time did you wake up?"

"I didn't go to sleep," was his simple response. 

"Why not? Aren't you tired?"

He just shrugged. His face was different, and it wasn't because of last night's makeup smeared across his face. He was guarded, careful. He wasn't the open, kind Jay he had been for the past few days. He was closed off, loner Jay that he'd been when I met him. I had a feeling I knew what this was about. 

"Jay..." I started, trying to think of what to say. 

"Relax, Kaidan. It doesn't matter."

"But it does, it--"

"It. Doesn't. Matter," he said, almost sharp. I curled back from him, not liking his angry tone. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, that came out wrong, I didn't mean that."

"Yes you did," I murmured. 

"Okay, I did, but I mean it like 
that
. I didn't mean to sound like a dick."

"It doesn't matter," I replied, throwing his own words back at him. He visibly flinched. 

I slipped out of his arms and got up, pausing briefly as I felt something cool drip down my leg. His come. I took a deep breath, trying not to feel hurt at how he was behaving. I moved to the drawer he'd set aside for me and went through it to find some clothes for today before I headed towards the en suite. 

"Where are you going?" he asked worriedly. 

"To get ready for school. You don't need to drop me, I'll get the bus."

I shut the door behind me without another word. All I could do was lean back against the door and slide down it until I was curled up on the floor, burying my face in my hands. What had I done?

(A/N Hope this chapter makes up for the late update! Poor Kaidan, will he eventually be able to sort things out with Jay? Chapter dedicated to Coochpooch for being really sweet in the comment on the last chapter :3 ~Beka)

(PS Don't kill me for their little argument. Please?)

# Chapter Fifty-Four

"Kaidan, please," Jay said from the other side of the door. There was a faint sound as if he'd put his hand against the wood. 

"Can't I get ready in peace?" I asked, almost snapping. 

He paused as if he was unsure how to respond. "Can't we talk about this?"

"Apparently not," I said as I got up from the floor. 

Taking a deep breath, I put my clothes in the centre of the room and went over to the shower. 

"Babe, please," he said softly. I could hardly hear him and knew I wouldn't have been able to if I'd started the shower already. 

I couldn't reply to him right now, I just didn't want to deal with him. By that, I mean I didn't want to deal with his douche behaviour and 
that
 of course was another way of saying I didn't want to deal with what I'd said last night. I hadn't even had time to think about it between saying it and falling asleep, and then waking up and Jay snapping at me. 

I shook my thoughts from my head and turned the shower on. If Jay really cared, he could damn well wait. I took my time in the shower, as if trying to lengthen the time before I had to see him again. I eventually sighed and turned it off, long done washing by then. Wrapping the towel around my waist, I listened. There didn't seem to be any noise at all. Had Jay gone? Maybe he was downstairs and I could sneak out. 

A small towel was on top of its own pile in the stack so I grabbed that to dry myself off with. I slowly dressed, dragging out my time further. After a while I ran out of things to do to prolong by bathroom trip; I went to the toilet, washed my hands - twice, and brushed my teeth. Looking at myself in the mirror, I noted the streaks of black makeup still over my eyes and cheeks. My lips were only a little grey; Jay had probably kissed it all away last night. I saw a bottle of makeup remover and picked it up, searching the room for some cotton wool. I could make this take a while. 

When it came for me to finally leave the bathroom, I unlocked it slowly and took hold of the handle, taking a deep breath. I forced myself to relax and opened the door. A surprised gasp was the only sound before Jay was sprawled over the floor. 

"What are you doing?" I asked, trying to keep my voice void of any particular emotion.

"I... I was waiting for you," he admitted quietly, sitting up. He had a pair of boxers on now but nothing else. 

"By sitting against the door?"

"Yeah..."

I just nodded and stepped past him, going over to my school bag. 

"Kaidan, please, come on," Jay said as he stood and moved a little closer. 

"Please what? Talk about it? There's nothing to talk about," I replied simply. 

"Yes, there is. I'm not talking about what you said last night, I mean about me being a proper dick this morning. I'm sorry, kitten. I overreacted, okay?"

"That's one way of putting it," I muttered, turning around to face him now with my arms crossed. 

"It's just... Fuck, I don't even know what it is. My therapist would have a field day with this... I really am sorry. Can you forgive me?"

The sincere look on his face, his wide eyes, and even the damn teeth marks on his lip where he'd been worrying at it, was irresistable. I felt my quickly built walls crumbling as he fidgeted, tugging at a piece of skin beside his nail. I steppeed forward slightly and reached forward to take his hands in mine to stop him from hurting himself. 

"I guess so... But just so you know: I don't like bitchy Jay."

His shoulders sagged in relief and his head bowed briefly. He leant down to kiss me softly. 

"Thank you, Kaidan. I mean it, thank you," he whispered, resting his forehead against mine with his eyes closed. 

"It's okay. Come here," I said gently, almost cooing as if he were a scared animal I didn't want to scare away. 

I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him close, stroking his back. He quickly returned the embrace, his arms tight as they pinned me to him. 

"Are you tired?" I asked, slightly muffled by his chest but that didn't bother me. 

He nodded slightly but otherwise stayed quiet. 

"Okay," I started, "we can either lie here and you can sleep or we can go and cuddle on the couch downstairs, which would you prefer?"

He was quiet still as he thought for a minute. "In bed here," he eventually said. 

I nodded and pushed him towards the bed slowly. I managed to sit him down on the edge of the bed and escape from his grip. Going to his side of the bed, I pulled the covers back and patted it, waiting for him to crawl over and slip in before I lay beside him and pulled the duvet back over us. His arms curled around me again and he sighed - seemingly in relief - as he nuzzled at my hair. I checked the clock quickly. 

"I've got an hour and a half before I need to go to college, so you just have a little nap, okay?" I said softly, looking up at him. 

He nodded and closed his eyes, falling asleep within moments apparently. 

"Set an alarm," he muttered, making me jump. "I'll drive you."

"Are you sure?" I asked, wanting to double check. 

He just nodded before he fell asleep for real this time. I smiled slightly and did as he asked, setting the alarm for an hour's time so he could sleep. I closed my eyes and just dozed in his warm embrace. 

When the alarm went off, I was practically being crushed. Jay had thrown a leg over mine, keeping me in place, and an arm had snaked around my waist and was holding me tightly. He was half lying on top of me and it made breathing surprisingly difficult. 

"Jay," I wheezed slightly, wriggling to no avail. "Jay!" He just mumbled and pulled me further underneath him. 

All I could do then was push at him and hope he let go. Eventually he rolled away and pulled my pillow into his arms instead. I sat up and got out of bed quickly in case he changed his mind and decided to try it again. I turned the alarm off and went to the window to pull the curtains across the blinds. He chuffed like he was grateful, which made me smile.

I couldn't help watching him for a few moments before I grabbed my phone, wallet and bag before hurrying down the stairs and outside. I'd just get the bus like I'd planned.

***

When I got to my first class, I was a bit late but after talking with the teacher everything was okay so I went and took my seat next to Mina. 

"Hey, hottie," she said casually. "How was last night?" 

I blushed a little and glanced around. "It was good. Made a load in tips, let alone after Nick paid us."

"Jesus, maybe I should persuade him to let me do private parties. He only has freelance do that, like Jay. Maybe I should get a penis..." she mused. I couldn't help the funny look I gave her. "What? Vaginas are effort, dude. Do you have any idea how lucky you are?"

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "Because I have a dick?"

"Exactly. I mean, you don't bleed from 
your
 downstairs every month, do you," she asked rhetorically. "And you don't have to shove a baby out through it. I accidentally clicked on a natural birth video once and, can I just say, my lady area will 
never
 look like that."

The almost uncontrollable laugh that escaped me had her hitting my arm and narrowing her eyes at me. When I managed to calm down - ignoring the evil eye from the professor - I just grinned and shook my head. 

"Whatever," I said, rolling my eyes. 

"Maybe we should swap genitals for a day."

"Mina, that's weird. Can we please stop this discussion? The last time I saw a 'lady area' I felt nauseous."

It was her turn to laugh and roll her eyes now. 

"How's Jay anyway? Did he take you home and fuck you? I bet you were teasing each other all night."

"When exactly did we become good enough friends to talk about gentialia and my sex life?" I asked. 

"About... Two minutes ago. So spill, how's my favourite pansexual?"

"He's fine. We had a... An argument this morning, I guess."

"Really? Ohmigod, are you okay? What happened?" The concerned look on her face was genuine, which made me smile. 

"Everything's fine. I spent like an hour or something ridiculous in the bathroom and gave him the silent treatment before he started begging for forgiveness."

"He begged you to forgive him? Jesus, he must really like you."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean headstrong, confident, emotionally constipated Jay was desperate for you to accept his apology. Anyone who's known him for a while would say that's weird. Have you spoken to the boys?"

"The boys?" I asked, frowning.

"You know, his friends. Nick and the gang. I don't remember the other guys."

"No, I haven't spoken to anyone but you about it."

"Maybe you should?" she suggested. 

"Yeah... Yeah, I will. I'll ring them later."

***

"Hello?" said Ollie's voice on the end of the line when it finally stopped ringing. 

"Ollie? Hey, it's Kaidan," I said shyly, unsure how to go about this. 

"Oh, hi. How'd you get our number?"

"I don't know, Jay must have put it in my phone at some point."

"Oh okay. So, what's up? I was just cleaning while Finn works so--"

"Do you want me to go? I'll go. I'll call back later."

"Kaidan!" Ollie exclaimed, drawing attention from the people opposite me in the library. It was packed and this was the only seat. 

"Sorry," I muttered. 

"So what's wrong? Clearly there's something."

"Well... Yeah, yeah there is. It's Jay."

"Is everything okay?" he asked immediately, suddenly panicked. 

"No, it's nothing like that, don't worry. It's just... Last night, I kind of accidentally maybe, just a little, perhaps, told him I loved him."

There was silence for a few moments, to the point I had to check the line was still open. 

"Oh," was all he said for a little while. "Well then..."

"He was all 'no thinking, thinking is for later', and then he didn't sleep a-and then he snapped at me and--"

"Kaidan, you're rambling."

"Sorry."

"It's alright. So... You really said it? Did you mean it?"

"What? No, of course not. I don't even know why it came out. I mean, I know we're close and shit, but it's just a job. There's no emotions or whatever."

"Sure," he scoffed. "Kaidan, listen to me. The last person to tell Jay they loved him had his nose broken with a single punch. And that was 
Finn
. I was trying to get blood out of the pillowcases for days. Before that, the only other person who has ever vocalised his love for Jay was his father."

"R-Really...? He said that?"

"No, but it's not hard to work out. He thinks he's damaged goods, which he is, but he genuinely believes he's not worth anyone's love. He went into porn and all that because everyone knows it's just about money. Apparently. That's what Finn says anyway. You have to be careful, Kaidan, whether you have feelings for him or not. He thinks he's broken. He thinks he isn't capable of love, of affection, and that he doesn't deserve any in return."

"So basically I'm walking on eggshells for the forseeable future because of something I said in the middle of sex," I murmured with a sigh. 

"That's how it goes, Kaidan. I wish I could be of more help," he said, sounding sincere. 

"No, it's alright, thanks. Is it okay if I talk to you about this stuff? I don't have anyone."

"Of course you can, but you realise I have to tell Finn, right?"

"Yeah, I get that. You tell your Master whatever you want, as long as he doesn't tell Jay, okay?"

"He wouldn't dream of it. I need to get back to today's timetable but ring us whenever you want. There's nearly always one of us in, and you probably have our mobile numbers too."

"Thank you, Ollie. This means a lot to me."

"That's alright. We'll see you soon, yeah? We should go out sometime."

"I like the sound of that," I said with a small smile. "Bye, Ollie."

"Bye-bye."

We both hung up and I just slowly put my phone away, trying to process what Ollie had said. 

(A/N Again, I think we all need to say, poor Jay! I got eaten by a baby goat yesterday, it was awesome. Chapter dedicated to DiamondHearts_ for her comment on the last chapter :) ~Beka)

# Chapter Fifty-Five

As I sat staring at my phone as if it had all the answers to my problems, a call came through. I answered quickly in case it was Ollie with more advice. 

"Hello?" I said quickly, crossing my fingers. 

"Hey, kitten..." Jay's voice said awkwardly. 

My shoulders sagged slightly but I quickly cheered up a bit in case he had something else to say. 

"Hi. Did you sleep okay?" I asked. 

"Yeah, thanks. It was weird to wake up without you, y'know? How's your day?"

"Fine. What are you calling about?" I asked, unable to stop the slightly harsh tone from coming into my voice. 

He was quiet for a moment. "Just to ask what time you finished and if you wanted to go and see a movie, or something."

"I have a free period right now and then another lesson before I finish. What films are on?"

"I don't know, to be honest. I just wanted to ask; I think we just need to get out of the house for a bit."

"I guess so... Why don't you ask Ollie and Finn if they want to come too? Hey, we could go out for drinks after."

"Sounds good to me. I've not had a proper night out for months. Nick's busy, and no one's talking to Corey right now so we don't need to worry about them."

"Why are you friends with Corey?" I asked suddenly, unable to help it. 

"I met him a long time ago. Finn and I met him when Corey sent him a message on some BDSM website he's a part of. Corey said he was interested in being a submissive and thought he was a masochist but the first time Finn spanked him, he practically cried. According to Finn, he was also shit at submitting."

"Does Ollie know?" 

"Of course. Ollie's never really liked Corey, knowing the history he has with Finn but no one says anything about it. They didn't 
do
 anything."

"Still doesn't tell me why you're friends with him."

Jay sighed a little. "I felt sorry for him, so I let him in and we became friends. That's it. And apparently he's madly in love with me and freaks out whenever I have a stand or someone might be interested in me."

I was quiet for a minute. So that's why he didn't like me; he thought I was after Jay when it was just simply training. Speaking of training... When was I moving on to Rob to work?

"Kaidan, you still there?" Jay asked, making me jump. 

"Uh, sorry, yeah. Still here."

"So I'll call the others and let you know what they say. I'll pick you up after your last class, okay?"

"Yeah, cool," I murmured, checking the clock. "I need to go now, I'll see you later."

We said our quick goodbyes before I headed to my next class, unable to work out why I couldn't make this sad, disappointed feeling go away.

***

"What are you wearing?" I asked, looking up from my textbook to look at Jay. 

He looked ridiculous. He was wearing tight denim shorts that looked like a teenage girl would wear them with bits of her arse hanging out the bottom. Along with that was a baggy vest with some picture on it. 

"What?" he asked, turning to look at me. "I waxed my legs yesterday, I'm not putting those strips to waste."

I rolled my eyes at him and went back to reading the pages I'd been told to read.

"Hey, Kaidan?" Jay asked as he looked at himself in the mirror, styling his hair. 

"Hm?" I replied without looking up. 

"What are you going to do after college?"

I paused, looking up. "What do you mean?" 

"You're in college to get qualifications to get a job. I assume you don't want to go into porn for the rest of your life, so what are you going to do?"

"I... I don't know," I admitted, slowly closing the book. "I never really thought about that."

"I mean, you could do anything. You could be an engineer, an accountant, a dentist, whatever you wanted."

"What about you?"

He frowned. "What about me?"  

"Are you going to get a job?"

"I have a job."

"Yeah, right," I scoffed. "Jay, I'd hardly call this a job. It's soul-destroying."

"Then why are you getting into it?" he snapped, spinning round to glare at me. I flinched back from the heat of his gaze. 

"I..."

"You have no right to tell me that my career is ruining my life, because I can't do anything else. This is all I can do. Hell, if this shit wasn't legal, I'd have to be a prostitute. I can't sit there and read a textbook that's telling me about how how reproduction works."

"It's not--"

"I don't care," he quickly as he turned back. 

He put his hand on the chest of drawers in front of him and let his head drop so I couldn't see his reflection. I stood slowly and went over to him, making sure to make some noise so I didn't startle him. I wrapped my arms around him from behind, resting my cheek on his back. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. You deserve better than this."

"Do I?" he asked quietly, his voice breaking. 

"Yes," I said firmly, trying to make him believe me. "You say I could do anything, so could you. I mean it, Jay. You could do anything you wanted, if you put your mind to it. I know you flunked school, so did I. But I'm having a second chance, and that's what everyone deserves: second chances."

Jay took a shaky breath and took hold of my arm. For a minute I thought he was going to push me off him but instead he just held onto me, as if he just wanted the comfort of knowing I was there. I pressed a kiss to his spine where his vest dipped low. 

"I'm sorry," I whispered gently, running my thumb over the fabric of his shirt. 

"Me too," he replied softly, sounding distracted. "And I'm sorry for this morning. I didn't mean to be a dick."

"I know," I said with another kiss to his back. "So let's just get over this and move on."

He nodded and turned around in my arms, returning my embrace and resting his cheek on top of my head. 

"What time's the film on?" I asked, leaning against him. 

"Half four," he said quietly, running his hand up and down my back. 

"You spent so long getting ready that we need to go," I teased, looking up at him.

I achieved my goal of making him smile. I looked over his hair briefly. It was sticking up all over the place, but it looked stylish.

"You know," I started, slowly running my hand into his hair, "if you wanted your hair messy, all you had to do was ask."

He grinned a little. "Yeah?"

"Mm-hm," I muttered, kissing the corner of his mouth while I tightened my grip in his hair and tugged. 

He mewled, taking a shaky breath. "Do I have to push you onto the bed, or will you go willingly?"

I laughed and stepped away from him, slipping my phone and wallet into my pockets. "Neither. Now, come on. Ollie and Finn will think we've stood them up."

"Fine," Jay grumbled, checking his phone quickly before grabbing some other stuff and following me to the door. 

He took my hand and led me down the stairs, heading out the front door. He opened my door for me, causing me to blush slightly. 

"Thank you," I muttered, getting in and doing my seatbelt.

He went around and got in, starting the engine while he grabbed his seatbelt with one hand. The drive was quiet, but comfortably so. We were both more relaxed, especially when it came to each other. I meant it when I said we'd just get over the shit that had happened today. He had snapped at me - twice - but I knew that was just because of problems he struggled with. I just wished he'd let me in so I could help. 

"So where do you want to go after the film? On the phone Ollie said he'd ask Finn if he wanted to hit the town with us, but he's not got back to me so it might just be us. Is that okay?" he asked, turning the volume of the radio down slightly.

"Of course. There's a bar that I was dragged to once, it's fun there. They have a karaoke night on Tuesdays usually, so that could be fun. It's on Sable Road, have you been?"

"Wait, are you okay going out that near to the college? Won't people you know be there?" he asked, concerned.

"Yeah, it's fine. They see you picking me up every day anyway, what's a night out going to do? Everyone knows I'm gay now."

"I guess so... So you want to go there? Hey, maybe we could get Ollie drunk enough to get up and sing."

I couldn't help laughing at that, looking over at him. "I don't think Finn would approve."

"Babe, Finn rarely approves. He just loves his little Ollie too much to say no too often."

I rolled my eyes and turned to the window, looking out. We soon pulled into the car park of the cinema and quickly found a space. Jay spent most of the time he was parking muttering darkly about how stupid other people are. I had to stop myself from grinning, it was just too cute. 

"Let's go find the idiots then," he grumbled, getting out. 

I rolled my eyes and followed, coming round to take his hand when he offered it. We walked towards the entrance of the cinema, finding Ollie and Finn hugging by the door. Ollie was grinning at something, looking up at Finn with such adoration that it made his eyes shine. I could feel my heart clenching as I thought about how I was never going to find that. Any respectable guy would turn his nose up at the fact I was going into porn. I shook those thoughts from my head and replaced the frown on my face with a smile. 

"Hey, lovebirds," I said as we approached them. 

Ollie turned to look at us and grinned, stepping back from Finn.

"Hey," he said with a smile. "How was college, Kaidan?" 

"It was good, mainly uneventful. Except for Mina talking about how she really wanted a penis."

Finn laughed, putting his arms around Ollie again, who was grinning widely. 

"She's crazy," Jay said with a roll of his eyes. 

"In a good way though," I responded, looking up at him. 

"Is there a good type of crazy?" Finn asked, resting his hands on Ollie's hips. 

"Of course there is, Finn," Ollie replied, looking up at him. "I mean, just look at us."

Finn grinned back and kissed him briefly. "Right, yeah."

"I'm just going to go and be sick at your gayness," Jay said sarcastically, a little smirk on his face. 

"You look more gay than we are," Ollie scoffed, looking him up and down. 

"Hey! I waxed my legs yesterday and I need an opportunity to show them off," Jay replied. He didn't notice that Finn was mouthing his every word.

Ollie giggled and smacked his arm playfully as if he knew what he was doing. I just rolled my eyes, tugging on Jay's hand. 

"We're all gay, okay? Let's just go in," I said, practically pulling Jay away from his growing argument with Finn. "Jay, stop pouting; you're not as cute as you think you are."

"Ooh, burn," Ollie laughed, following with Finn's hand in his. 

"You're the one who says I'm too hot for my own good."

"Hot is different to cute," I answered, looking at him over my shoulder.

Ollie and Finn were just smiling, though there was some secret thought passing between them as they looked at each other. I just didn't know what it was about. 

(A/N Woo! So Finn and Ollie ship Jaidan too! Gotta love these boys, they're ridiculous. This chapter officially takes us past the 60,000 words point! Whoop for us! This chapter's dedicated to Paigers22 for making me laugh so hard with the comment on the last chapter ~Beka)

# Chapter Fifty-Six

"Do you want anything to eat before we go and find our seats? Sweets or anything?" Jay asked, handing me my ticket. I was still pouting about him not letting me pay for his ticket, let alone my own.

"No, I'm okay," I muttered. 

Jay rolled his eyes and wrapped his arm around my waist, holding me close against him while we waited for Ollie to come back with his and Finn's drinks. 

"I swear to God, you two are like an old married couple with your bickering," Finn said, rolling his eyes at us. 

"We're not bickering," Jay replied defensively. 

"Sure, hon, whatever you say."

Jay blushed slightly at the pet name but just grumbled his reply. I was pretty sure it rhymed with 'gun of a witch'. Finn grinned and took his cup from Ollie when he returned. If Ollie noticed anything as he glanced between the three of us, he didn't say anything. He handed Finn the change from the money he'd got to buy their things. 

"Are you still going out with Fi tomorrow?" Finn asked, looking at Ollie. 

"Yeah, why?" Ollie said, looking up at his Master from where he was sipping at his lemonade. 

Finn reached into his pocket and handed over a card. "Here."

Ollie was just looking at him in disbelief. He opened and closed his mouth a couple times as he searched for the right words. Even Jay looked a little stunned when I glanced up at him. 

"I'm getting the credit card?" Ollie eventually managed to ask. 

"It's the debit card, but yes. Buy whatever you want. Consider it an early anniversary present. Part of your present anyway," Finn replied, starting to look impatient at the fact he was still holding out the card for Ollie to take. Ollie seemed to notice and took it quickly. 

"Are... Are you sure?" 

"Yes, now just put it away before I have to punish you for insubordination right here."

Ollie flushed pink and quickly put the card in his pocket. "Thank you, Master," he whispered. Finn grinned and kissed him softly.

"Okay, okay, we get it, now can we please go in so I don't have to see you two making out?" Jay asked, putting on a frustrated tone to tease them. I could see the glint of amusement and happiness in his eyes, no matter what tone of voice he used. 

Ollie laughed and took Finn's hand, leading the way to the right screen. It was about half full, which kind of surprised me because this film only came out a few days ago. We walked up the steps to find the right row and then walked along to sit down. I ended up next to Ollie with Finn and Jay on either side of us. 

"Has there been any improvement?" Ollie asked quietly, flicking his eyes up at Jay in the dim light of the room so I knew what he was talking about. 

I thought for a minute. We'd argued again, but we'd both apologised and meant it. Well, I'd meant it, I couldn't really speak on Jay's behalf. 

"I guess so..." I murmured. He raised an eyebrow at me. "I'll explain later."

He nodded in consent to that and sat back in his seat. 

"So, who's Fi?" I asked at normal volume, glad we could still talk due to the fact that the adverts hadn't even started yet. 

"Fiona, my sister," Ollie replied before scooping some popcorn into his mouth. 

"Slower, pet," Finn said, seemingly automatically as he didn't even look up from his phone. He was chewing his bottom lip as his thumbs flew over the screen, replying to a message or something. 

"Finny, put your phone away; we're out with friends, the business can wait. I'll deal with your new clients later."

"The clients can wait," Finn muttered dismissively. 

"Then what is it?" Ollie asked, sounding genuinely irritated. He leaned over and looked over his shoulder to see the screen of the phone. He sighed. "Leave it, Angela or I will deal with that later, okay?" Finn didn't reply so he snatched the phone from his grip. "Okay?"

"Yes! Okay, Angela can deal with it," Finn murmured darkly. 

"Angela's his new PA," Jay whispered in my ear. 

His breath ghosting over my skin sent little jolts down my spine. I had to close my eyes for a minute and take a deep breath. I looked up at him, waiting for him to elaborate. 

"She's not very good apparently so our poor Finny here has been picking up her slack."

"Oh..." I replied, nodding a little to myself. To be honest, Finn did seem a little more high-strung than normal, though it was hidden behind smiles and his sarcastic remarks. 

The lights overhead dimmed as the adverts started so I turned to look at the screen, vaguely noticing Ollie and Finn glaring at each other as if the noise had interrupted an argument. I heard one of them sigh and Finn dropped his head, taking Ollie's hand over the armrest. Ollie cupped his face lightly and pulled him in for a kiss. It was gentle and without even being a part of it I could tell it was full of apologies and forgiveness. When they pulled away they were smiling a little. 

It was amazing how Finn and Ollie had this perfect relationship. They needed each other like I need oxygen, and every single touch they shared was intimate and loving, yet also filled with a possessive lust that had the air around them crackling with it. It was slightly astounding how these two had a normal (-ish), functioning relationship despite that possessiveness. If anything, they both willingly accepted and embraced it, and each other. 

To be honest, just looking at them made me a little sad. It brought to mind everything I thought I would never have; their relationship had the passion, the love, the... 
spark
 that held them together like glue. I had never met anyone I'd wanted like that.

I sighed internally and rested my head on Jay's shoulder awkwardly because of the distance the armrest created between us. He looked down at me, the light from the screen painting his face in different colours and clearly showing the worried expression on his face. I shrugged a little and turned back to the screen. He pushed the armrest up and pulled me closer against him. Now the slight gap between the seats was impeding us but oh well for now. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and rubbed my arm reassuringly, making me smile a little. 

"You okay?" Jay asked quietly. 

I nodded and shuffled even closer. I was probably pushing him into the rest on the other side of him now but I enjoyed the feeling of his heat against mine, warming me even through our clothes. Although, Jay was wearing significantly less clothing than I was, with his slut shorts and sleeveless vest. I put my hand on his thigh and the smoothness there was intriguing. Usually when I touched him like this, the coarse hair on his legs would brush against my palm, almost tickling but not quite. There was enough muscle underneath his skin not to make him feel entirely feminine, but there was a softness that could only be masculine. I smiled a little at my suddenly poetic thoughts. Jay pressed a kiss to the top of my head and squeezed me briefly. 

***

When we came out of the cinema at the end of the film, it was significantly darker than before, the sun beginning to sink below the skyline. 

"So, are you guys up for drinks?" Jay asked, his arm draped almost lazily over my shoulders. 

"Well, I need to be up early so--" Finn started. 

"Awesome, you can drive," Jay said with a grin. 

Finn heaved a ridiculously heavy sigh, fighting his grin as he lead the way towards his car.

"Am I allowed to get drunk tonight?" Ollie asked as he opened the passenger door of the car when we got there. 

I had to admit: it was a nice car. And expensive. Very expensive. And also so definitely Finn. It just... Was him, so perfectly. Jay and I got in the back. I ran my hands over the leathers seats as Finn got in too and pressed a button on the dashboard. I yelped suddenly as the seat began to heat up. 

"Oh, sorry," Finn said a little sheepishly, looking at me in the rear view mirror. "If you really want to get drunk, you can. But no wine; you get aggressive after wine."

"It was one time," I heard Ollie mutter as he did his seatbelt. 

"Dude, you punched me in the face!" Jay laughed. 

"I said sorry!" Ollie retorted, sounding like a petulant child. 

"All I did was give you a drink and try to take your empty glass away. You still owe me for that."

"Would you like to like to punch me in return?" 

"Ha, you're too gorgeous for that. Couldn't go ruining Finn's things."

Ollie laughed and turned slightly to look at Jay. "Says the prettied whore!"

"Language, pet," Finn chuckled, clearly amused by the interchange. "You two are ridiculous, you know that."

"Hey, I blame you. You introduced us."

"No, I do believe you tried to seduce him when you were working for Nick."

"How was I to know he was your sub?" Jay asked defensively, holding his hands up. 

"Oh, I don't know, how about the collar around his neck with my name on?"

Jay blushed slightly. "Shut up."

"You shut up."

"
Now
 who's ridiculous?" Ollie asked, patting Finn's thigh and leaving his hand there as Finn started to drive. 

I couldn't help feeling like I was a part of this little family of theirs. It was close-knit and as much as they teased and taunted each other, it was obvious they all loved each other. That just reminded me of Ollie's words this afternoon. Jay didn't think he deserved love, even if it was from his closest friends. It was heartbreaking, it really was. I wished I could just wave a magic wand and make it all better. I couldn't do that, but maybe I could try to help him in return for his help with me. Maybe I could try to get him to open up to someone, let them into his heart. 

I looked at Jay, thinking. Despite his grin as he continued to laugh at Ollie, whatever they were saying, I knew he was broken inside, and all he needed was some help to put himself back together. Maybe I could do that for him. Even if I couldn't, I was going to try. 

"Kaidan? Earth to Kaidan," Ollie said, waving his hand at me from where he sat in front of me. 

I jumped in surprise and looked around. Ollie and Jay were staring at me, and Finn was even sparing me little glances. Shit, had I said something?

"Are you okay?" Jay asked, squeezing my hand. 

"I, uh, yeah. I'm fine, why?" 

"You were off in your own little world. And staring at me, that was weird," he said with a little smile. 

I blushed. "I was just thinking."

"About what?" he asked curiously. 

"Just... Stuff." I was an awful liar. "School," I added quickly. 

"Is everything okay?" Ollie asked. 

"You're not flunking because you're spending time with me, right?"

"What? No, of course not. I'm a little behind but I'm not failing, don't worry. I was just thinking about what lessons I had tomorrow."

Jay nodded, seemingly satisfied with that answer, and turned to look out of the window. He nodded his head slightly in time to the music Finn had playing over the speakers. I smiled at him. God, he was adorable sometimes. I looked ahead to find Ollie staring at me intently with his eyes narrowed slightly. His mouth was set in a straight line as he looked at me. I could practically hear the cogs of his brain turning. 

'Tell me later,' he mouthed at me.

All I could do was nod.

(A/N Ooh, what's going on? Guys, follow me on Twitter @MacBeka for updates on stuff and tweet with #WattKM with any comments you have on the story! :D Chapter dedicated to xXxtrue_lovexXx for voicing everyone's thoughts about Jay and Kaidan ~MacBeka)

# Chapter Fifty-Seven

When we got into town, I ended up having to direct Finn to the bar, but he didn't mind. Jay was pouting about the fact that we'd had to turn the music. As Finn was parking in the little lot behind the bar, I looked up at Jay and couldn't help my little smile. He looked so... carefree, so relaxed. I'd never seen him like this before and it really was beautiful. 

"Kay, why d'you keep staring at me tonight?" he asked curiously, interrupting my train of thought. 

"Oh, um," I started with a blush, "no reason."

He didn't look convinced but he didn't push the subject any further, which I appreciated. I knew I'd have to explain everything to Ollie, and I wasn't sure how excited I was about that. I knew he'd do his best to understand whatever I told him which seemed to make things a lot easier already. I knew that Ollie and I could easily become close friends, and that thought warmed my heart more than I'd expected. 

"Stay there," Jay said as he jumped up out of the car. 

I frowned slightly, turning to watch him walk quickly around the back of the car. The muscles in his long bare legs rippled slightly every time he put his foot down and I couldn't help myself when I looked over him, drinking in the sight of him. He was just so damn hot, it was unfair. 

When he reached my side, he opened my door and held his hand out to me. I blushed and undid the seatbelt, taking hold of his hand and allowing him to help me up out of the car. 

"Thank you," I murmured quietly, peeking up at him through my lashes. 

His wide grin was dazzling in the floodlights. My heart skipped a beat as I looked up at him. 

"Come on!" he exclaimed excitedly, turning to drag me towards the entrance of the bar, ignoring Ollie and Finn talking quietly behind us. 

I turned my head to look over my shoulder to make sure they were okay. Ollie was looking worried while holding one of Finn's hands and cupping his cheek. There was hardly any distance between them. Occasionally, Finn would nod and after a few moments of just looking at each other, they shared a soft, gentle kiss. I hoped everything was okay. 

"Kaidan! Come 
on,
" Jay whined ahead of me, sounding like a little child. 

I smiled slightly and walked quicker until I was beside him. 

"Is everything okay with Ollie and Finn?" I asked quietly as we entered. 

"Hm? Oh, I think so. I think Ollie just wants to fire Angela, the PA, but Finn wants to give her a second chance. It's ridiculous; they're relationship won't survive long if he doesn't do the right thing for himself, and the business, and let her go," he said, all the whininess from his voice gone. 

"Oh..." I said softly, sitting beside Jay when he pulled me over to an empty table. The stage on the far side of the bar was empty for the time being, but the night was young and there was a lot of drinking to be done by everyone around. 

"Do you want a drink?" Jay asked, standing and shifting to pull his wallet from his pocket. 

"Ha!" I exclaimed suddenly, managing to slip a note into the waistband of his shorts. 

He looked confused for a moment before he laughed. "God, Kaidan, you're making me feel like a stripper."

I giggled slightly and pulled him down to kiss me, running my fingertips through his hair. 

"Whore," I muttered as I pulled back. 

"Only for you, baby," he chuckled, kissing the corner of my mouth before going over to the bar to get us some drinks.

I couldn't stop my wide grin as I watched him. His hips swished back and forth in an almost feminine movement and when he got to the bar, he leant forward to rest his arms on it, his arse sticking out slightly. Whether he was giving me a show or didn't even realise he was doing it, it was hot. 

I watched as an older guy sidled up to stand next to Jay at the bar, looking over him with a predatory glance. I felt my hands tighten into fists automatically. The stranger leant forward to whisper in his ear but he just laughed as if whatever the suggestion had been was ridiculous and turned back to the barman as he was served. The guy walked away, red-faced and furious. When Jay came back, hips swishing as usual, I said:

"What was that about?" 

"Ugh, some creepy old guy wanting to dance," he replied with a shrug, sliding in to sit beside me. His arm draped lazily over my shoulders again as he kissed my cheek. 

"Old? He didn't look that much older."

"He was, like, forty or something," he said, sounding offended. 

"Jay, you're twenty-nine. That's nearly thirty," I pointed out. 

"Hey!" he said with another pout. "Just because you're four years younger than me."

He crossed his arms and pretended to sulk. At least, I think he was pretending. I laughed and leant up to kiss his jaw. 

"Cheer up, grumpy," I said in his ear softly before tugging at his lobe with my teeth slightly. 

When I looked up, Ollie and Finn were looking around the bar, searching for us. I waved to catch their attention and pointed to the seats opposite Jay and I. 

"So kind of you to get drinks for us too, darling," Finn said, seeming happier than he was before. 

"I was getting harrassed by some old guy, thank you very much."

Ollie laughed slightly. "Dressed like that, I'm not surprised. You're basically asking to get raped."

Jay's face fell immediately and I could practically hear his heart breaking. Ollie seemed to realise exactly what he'd said and how that affected Jay with his past, his eyes going wide. 

"Oh my God, Jay, I'm so sorry! I didn't-- I mean, Jesus," he said, rubbing his hands over his face. "I'm so 
so
 sorry, I didn't mean to say that."

Jay downed half of his beer in one quick go. He gave a slight shrug, turning his face away so he didn't have to look at Ollie. 

"S'fine," he muttered, though I could hear the tears beginning to line his throat. It clearly wasn't fine. 

I chewed on my lip, deliberating on what to do. I glanced at Finn, who was looking panicked and murderous at the same time, glaring at Ollie with a gaze that would have had him falling to his knees and begging for forgiveness if he'd actually noticed it. I squeezed Jay's hand and stood. 

"Come dance with me," I said to him with a reassuring smile. 

He just looked at me for a moment, confused. I smiled wider and tugged on his hand, trying to get him up. He seemed to get the message and stood, following me to the little dance floor in front of the stage. The music that was playing was soft, slow. Romantic. 

When I pulled Jay against me, I ended up leading our dance, much to my dismay. Nevertheless, I took a deep breath and wrapped an arm around his waist, holding him close while my other hand laced through his. He put his hand lightly on my hand, just resting it there without holding. The touch was reassuring for both of us, I think. 

"You know he didn't mean it," I said softly, swaying with him in time to the music. 

He nodded slightly but otherwise stayed quiet. After a minute or so, he sighed and dropped his head onto my shoulder - which was quite a way for him. I took my arm from around his waist and stroked his hair slowly. I felt his little smile against my neck.

"He just forgets sometimes," Jay eventually murmured, his voice thick with unshed tears. 

"I'm not surprised. You're so... confident. Confident, and sexy, and gorgeous, and everything I always say you are," I told him quietly. 

"I don't understand how you think that," he whispered, his voice breaking towards the end. "I'm disgusting."

"Oh, Jay..." I didn't know what to say at first. "You are not. You are the most perfect human being I have ever met. You've taken everything life's thrown at you and you've done what you can with it. Your charity work, you helping people like me, everything you do; it's amazing. You are not disgusting."

"But--"

"Jaimie Jay Laycock," I said harshly, wrapping his hair around my fingers. "If you keep thinking that, I'm afraid I'll have to subject you to my cooking."

He laughed weakly. "I like your cooking."

"Sure thing, darling," I said with a small grin as I looked at him awkwardly. 

He stopped me, standing up straight and taking hold of my face. He leant down to press his lips against mine soundly. 

"
You 
are amazing, Kaidan. You've done so much for me without even realising," he whispered softly, looking over my face slowly. 

"This is getting sappy now, come on. Let's go back to the table and listen to Ollie's apologetic whines and see his ridiculous pouts."

He laughed slightly again, sounding more like his usual self. "Finn said I was pouting in the car. Was I pouting?"

"Definitely not," I said with a grin, taking hold of his hand and pulling him back to the table. 

"Jay!" Ollie said loudly the minute we sat down. Jesus, he looked like he was about to start crying. Was he hyperventilating? "I'm so sorry! I d-didn't mean it at all, it j-just--"

"It's fine, Ollie," Jay said softly, reaching across the table to squeeze his hand. "It's alright."

"Are... Are you sure?"

"Of course. You're one of my best friends."

His reassuring smile was small but real and it seemed to be what Ollie needed to take a deep breath and relax. Ollie nodded slightly, breathing deeply to calm down. 

"I best go and make myself presentable again," he muttered, moving to stand. "Come with me, Kaidan?"

God, this was where I had to explain everything that I said I'd explain. Where to start... I just nodded and got up too, giving Jay a kiss before I followed Ollie to the toilets. When we got in there, he went straight to the mirror, trying to make his eyes look less red. While he did that, I went around the cubicles to make sure we were alone. 

"So..." I started, unsure what to say. 

"I'm honestly so sorry about what I said to him, Kaidan. He might have forgiven me but will you?" he asked suddenly, turning around to face me. 

I blinked in surprise. "Of course. It doesn't... It doesn't involve me."

"Kaidan... Everything with Jay involves you now. Do you know how many jobs he's turned down so he doesn't have to leave you for too long? It's bordering on obsessive."

"What? Really...?"

"You really didn't know? Wow... So, you're explaining things to me."

I nodded a little, searching for the right words. I decided to start with last night. 

"So, when I rang you this morning, I told what I said to him while we were... You know." He nodded. "He rang me just after we hung up, all apologetic and everything and I just... Couldn't be angry anymore. He asked if I wanted to go and see a movie, so I suggested inviting you guys. He picked me up and that was all fine. When we got back, we were chatting and he asked me what I was going to do after college.

"I said I didn't know and asked what he wanted to do. And then I kind of said porn wasn't a job and it was soul-destroying... He said porn was all he could do and if porn wasn't legal, he'd have to be a prostitute. He looked so angry, so upset... I just went over to him and hugged him. And we both apologised. When I said we could come here for drinks, he was so worried that I wouldn't want to be seen with him so near to my college and it was just... So touching."

Ollie was listening intently, looking curious. "Go on," was all he said. 

"And this afternoon since we got to the cinema he's just been 
so
 sweet, it's ridiculous. I just feel like... I don't know, he makes me feel so funny. Like, my tummy gets all fluttery, and I can't stop smiling, and I just don't want to argue with him, and-- Why are you looking at me like that?"

He looked like he was trying not to grin widely and laugh. The look on his face was telling me that I was a total idiot. 

"You're so oblivious to your own feelings," he said, unable to fight his grin anymore. 

"Feelings? What feelings? I don't--"

He silenced me with a raised eyebrow and stared at me for a little while. 

"Holy shit," I whispered. "I'm falling in love with Jay."

(A/N Our little idiot's finally realised! :D I love all their interactions (even if I write them, shut up), they're just so cute together it's ridiculous. Let me know what you think with #WattKM on Twitter, and make sure you follow me @MacBeka! Picture to the side is our little cuties dancing :3 Chapter dedicated to FadeAwayWithMe for making me laugh so hard last chapter ~Beka)

# Chapter Fifty-Eight

Ollie was watching me as I paced up and down in the bathroom, gripping at my hair and trying to breathe normally. 

"But... I can't be in love with him!" I said suddenly, spinning round to face him. 

"Why not?" Ollie asked, tipping his head slightly to the side. 

"Because... I... I mean, you said it yourself: Jay doesn't do feelings. He thinks he's broken, and I..."

"Then maybe it's your job to put him back together. He allows you to do things with him that only his closest friends have ever been able to do."

"But--"

The door to the bathroom opened suddenly, making us both jump in surprise and turn to look. Finn was coming in, glancing between us. 

"What's taking you two so long?" he asked. He frowned when he saw my panicked face. "Is everything okay?"

"I--"

"Kaidan's finally realised he's in love with Jay," Ollie said casually, as if this wasn't the worst realisation I could ever have had. 

"Oh," Finn said, looking surprised. He sighed a little and got his wallet out, handing some money to Ollie, who grinned widely and plucked it from his fingers. He smiled slightly at my confused expression. "We took bets on who would realise first. I thought Jay would."

"I thought Jay was too stubborn to realise, so you would first. I was right."

I glanced between them both, shocked. How had they both known before I had?! And-- No, I could deal with all that later; right now I needed to know what I was supposed to do.

"Okay, whatever, that can wait. What do I do now?"

"What do you mean?" Finn asked curiously. 

"I mean... We can't continue like this, we're both just going to get hurt. He's... He doesn't feel that way."

"If you say so," he replied with a roll of his eyes. "What do you have to do anything differently? Just carry on with everything as it was. He'll realise eventually."

"There's nothing to realise!" I shouted at him, suddenly feeling as if I was about to start crying. 

Some random guy chose that moment to come in, needing to use the toilet. He glanced between the three of us and slowly backed out without a word. I ran my hands over my face, taking a shaky breath. 

"Kaidan, I think you just need to go home, darling," Ollie said gently, coming over to me. 

He placed the flat of his palm against my back, subtly leading me towards the door. 

"No," I said firmly. "I'm going to stay and get so pissed that I don't remember any of this in the morning."

"Kaidan..." Ollie started to complain. 

Finn silenced him with a hand before he could say anymore. "Let's go back out and just have a good time. Okay?"

He was using his Dom voice that I recognised from the few occasions that he'd scolded Ollie in front of me. I could feel Ollie shrinking in on himself slightly in submission, bowing his head. He stayed silent though. 

"Yes, Ollie?" he said again, more firmly this time. 

Ollie nodded quickly but kept his head down. "Yes, Master."

"Good boy. Now, go out and get us all a round of shots, yeah?"

He smiled a little and nodded again, disappearing out of the bathroom. I looked up at Finn, feeling as if I was about to be told off. Instead, he just smiled and came over, resting his hands on my shoulders. 

"Kaidan. I've known Jay for a very, 
very
 long time. He needs a guiding hand, loving support and a constant reminder that he's not filthy or disgusting or unwanted. I tried to be that for him but I couldn't. So maybe you can. You just need to believe in yourself."

I looked up at him with surprised, wide eyes. He smiled slightly and squeezed my shoulders. 

"Nobody's saying you have to act on your feelings, but you need to bear them in mind. Ollie and I, maybe Nick too, we'll be here for any support, help or advice you need. All you need to do is pick up the phone, okay?"

"Okay... Oh, and Finn...? I think you should fire your PA."

He chuckled softly. "Maybe," was all he said before he turned me and pushed me towards the door. "You just need to keep doing what you're doing. Look at him."

We were standing just outside of the bathrooms. Finn's hands were resting on my shoulders again, holding me still to face Jay and Ollie where they sat, laughing, at our table. His eyes sparkled happily and his grin was so wide it looked as if his face would split. He counted down and the two of them took a shot at the same time. I couldn't help my smile, or the warmth blooming in my heart that I could actually identify now. Love. I loved Jay.

"He's so happy, and he's not even drunk yet. You've done that, Kaidan. You made him this happy, just by being around. Imagine what you could do if you actually tried."

He was right... I wanted to try and make him feel better in himself, but I hadn't consciously done anything about it. But now, just looking at him from across the bar, I felt like I'd already done so much towards my goal. Jay had been right: I'd done a lot without even realising. I thought back to all the time we'd spent together. Looking back on it, not a lot of it had been about sex. We went out for dinner on our first date - because that's what it was, whether either of us had planned it to be. We went bowling, we went to the cinema, we watched a film at home, we... I'd been in love with him for a lot longer than I'd thought. 

"Do you see what I mean?" His voice was soft, convincing. I nodded numbly. "Good. Now, go and love my best friend."

He pushed me gently until I started walking by myself. I took a deep breath and walked with more determination. Jay looked up at me when I approached and grinned that beautiful grin of his. I couldn't help myself. I sat in his lap and kissed him hard, gripping at his hair. He made a noise but didn't pull away. His fingers curled into the back of my top, pulling me against him. I flattened my body against his, pressing closer. I only pulled away after a minute or so because I needed to breathe. 

We were both panting heavily now, staring at each other. 

"Okay..." he panted, "what was that for?"

I smiled slightly. "Do I need a reason?"

"Well, no but... Yeah, you do. Nobody kisses anybody like that because they can. What have these two freaks done to you?"

He glanced over my shoulder at Ollie and Finn, who were grinning to themselves. I laughed slightly and kissed him again, just briefly this time. 

"They didn't do anything, silly. I just thought I'd come out here and make out with my man for a bit."

He grinned, even if he did look really confused. "So I'm your 'man' now, am I? Don't even get a name?"

"Hm... Maybe," I said, trying to stop my grin by biting my bottom lip hard. "Maybe I'll just call you Jaimie, I like that name."

His grin disappeared but he looked curious now, his eyes flitting over my features for any sign of a lie. 

"You... Really?" he asked, quiet. 

I nodded. "I love it. It really suits you. And it's just as hot as you are."

His lips curled into a small, tentative smile that I hadn't seen before. "I guess that's okay then."

I shuffled closer to him and rested my head on his shoulder. His arms automatically came up around me, securing me to him in a tight hold that had me in no risk of falling. Finn was staring at me in disbelief though he was soon grinning widely. 

The rest of the evening passed by in a blur of kissing, drinks and dancing. All I know is that at some point, Jay and I got up and started singing some pop song to each other. Let's just say, I can never show my face there again. 

***

I was woken by a loud groaning in my ear and a wave of hot breath hitting my neck. I shivered and opened my eyes a little, whining against the bright light of the mid-morning sun streaming through the window. 

"Somebody close the curtains," Jay huffed against my ear, dragging me closer to him.

"Jay," I whined, suddenly feeling sick. 

"Shut up," he muttered.

"Jay!" I hissed at him, struggling to get out of his iron grip. 

He sighed and let me go. I fell out of the bed with my sudden release. I frowned. This bed was smaller than ours at home. The room was unfamiliar. I looked around. Where the hell were we? Wherever we were, I needed to find a bathroom. Like, n
ow
. 

I got up and shakily made my way to the door. I blinked and lifted my hand up to shield my eyes from the bright light coming through a skylight in the ceiling. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a wide sweeping staircase and an elaborate entrance hall but I didn't have time to make notes of my surroundings, rushing down the corridor in search of a bathroom. 

Suddenly, a door opened and I bumped into Ollie. He yelped in surprise, making a stabbing pain shoot through my head. 

"Ow," I murmured, holding my head. 

"Oh. Kaidan. Hi," he said in gentle tones so he didn't hurt my head any more. 

"Toilet," I said quickly, fighting to keep the vomit down now. 

Ollie took one look at me before dragging me to the next door along, throwing it open to reveal a beautifully decorated bathroom. I didn't care at that moment. I saw the toilet and ran to it, throwing up the lid and vomiting into it. There was a sound of slight shuffling around the room before Ollie appeared beside me with a glass of water and some painkillers. 

When I was finished, I sat back and took the tablets he held out to me. I swallowed them with a swig of water and lay down on the floor slowly, letting the cool ceramic tiles take away the heat from my skin. 

"How are you feeling?" he asked softly, pressing a hand to my forehead. 

"Awesome," I muttered. 

"Well, you made good on your promise to get so pissed you forgot last night."

"Not quite," I said, sitting up a little. "Were Jay and I really singing Bruno Mars onstage?"

"Oh yeah. It was amazing; Finn got it on film and everything. I didn't think you two were in any fit state to be left alone at home, so we brought you here. Is Jay still sleeping?"

"I think so... Can you go out while I pee please?" I asked, pressing the backs of my hands to my eyes. 

"Of course."

He stood and left, shutting the door behind him, but not before he grabbed some more painkillers and water, presumably for Jay. He needed it way more than I did. 

When I shuffled back down the hall, eventually finding the room I'd stumbled out of, Jay was lying on the bed though he was awake now. Ollie was grinning and talking softly, stroking his hair softly. I felt a pang of jealousy. I pushed it away and came back to the bed, crawling in and laying beside Jay, resting my head on his chest. 

"Sorry for crushing you," Jay said with a wince. 

"It's alright. I could have thrown up on you."

"Nice," was his response with a sleepy, pained grin. 

(A/N These boys are honestly my life. Check out the video to the side that I made of them singing to each other! XD Chapter dedicated to galaxygirl2012 for crying from Beka withdrawal. Make sure to follow me on Twitter @MacBeka for more info on what I'm up to and updates :) ~Beka)

# Chapter Fifty-Nine

"How are you feeling?" I asked Jay quietly, drawing little shapes on his bare tummy.

"Not too bad, considering," he murmured as he ran his fingers through my hair. "Don't feel like I'm about to die, so that's something at least."

I laughed a little before I winced at the sound of my own laughter.

"I thought you gave me painkillers, Ollie," I whined slightly, looking up at him from where I'd set my head on Jay's chest.

He rolled his eyes. "They're medicine, not magic. They won't be instantaneous."

"But you can do everything, can't you make this headache go away?"

Ollie smiled curiously. "What have I done that makes you think I can do everything?"

"You're... you. You do everything for Finn, sort out the house. You're a wizard, Ollie."

"Can we stop with the Harry Potter references?" Jay said. I looked up at him; his eyes were closed and he was resting his head back on the pillow.

Ollie laughed slightly. "Don't be grumpy."

"I'm back!" Finn called from downstairs somewhere.

Jay and I groaned at the same time while Ollie just grinned widely, jumped up and bound out of the room.

"He is way too excited for this early in the morning," Jay muttered with a small sigh.

"It's, like, midday or something," I replied quietly.

"Actually it's about ten but whatever. Don't you have college or something?"

"Probably... Fuck school right now..."

"Kaidan, don't say that," he scolded half-heartedly. "You have an amazing future, you shouldn't be treating it with such disregard."

"But-- Never mind." I managed to catch myself before I said that I'd rather have him in my future than a job. Didn't think that would have gone down well, especially when he's got a hangover.

Suddenly there was a bark and something heavy, loud and wet jumped on top of me, scratching my chest.

"Jasmine! Get back here!" Finn shouted from down the hall.

The thing barked again and was gone, but not before it had managed to soak us and the bed we were in.

"Fucking dog," Jay whispered, squeezing his eyes shut.

I looked towards the door, ignoring the pounding in my head. Ollie was kneeling on the ground, towelling off an excited greyhound that wouldn't stop rolling over and over, thinking Ollie was trying to play. After a few moments, Ollie sat back and she ran at us again, jumping on top of us, over us, around us, anywhere she could get her small paws.

She pushed her cold, wet nose against me, sniffing at me before she eventually lay down on top of me so her head was near Jay. He didn't stop her from licking his chin but the frown on his face said that he wasn't happy about it. I shuffled until I managed to get free, pulling myself up to sit and cross my legs.

"Jas, this seriously isn't appreciated right now," he sighed.

"You know how she loves you, Jay," Finn said from the door, grinning.

Jay didn't reply. He just stuck his middle finger up at Finn, who chuckled and walked over.

"How are you two feeling? Has Ollie been taking care of you?" he asked, smiling slightly.

"Of course he has," Jay said with a roll of his eyes. "When does he not fuss about people when they're in his house?"

Finn chuckled softly and turned to look at Ollie. "Have you done your chores yet?"

"Most of them. The washing's done and everywhere's as clean as it can be without the vacuum; I didn't want to wake these two up by vacuuming."

"Good boy," he said, holding his hand out to him.

Ollie came over and took it, leaning down to kiss Finn happily, smiling slightly. "Have you checked your emails yet this morning?"

"Not yet, why?" Finn asked, frowning slightly.

"You might want to check them. I'll just go to the play room and get ready for my punishment."

Ollie turned to go but Finn grabbed his wrist and pulled him back to look at him. "What did you do?" he asked. When he didn't reply, he took on his Dom voice and said, "Oliver, answer me. What did you do?"

Ollie was quiet for a moment, keeping his head down and his eyes on the floor. "I sacked Angela."

"You--" He stopped himself and took a deep breath to keep himself calm. "Go to the bedroom. I want you to get undressed and stand in the corner. You'll leave the door open, do you understand?"

"Yes, Master," Ollie said softly.

As soon as Finn released his wrist, Ollie turned and left without another words. He was already about to pull his shirt over his head and he was still walking down the corridor.

"I thought you were going to fire her anyway?" Jay asked, finally managing to get the dog off him.

"I was, but Ollie didn't trust that I was going to do it. He didn't ask permission before he did it either. That's why he's being punished." Finn sighed and ran his hands over his face.

"Fair enough. He's lucky; I thought you were going to go apeshit at him," Jay said with a shrug.

"You know I don't like shouting at him when I can use other methods. It scares him sometimes."

"I know, I know." Jay waved dismissively. "Have you made any more anniversary plans?

"Well... I kind of wanted to talk to you guys about that. I had an idea, but... I don't know whether you'd be up for it," Finn said sheepishly with a small smile. I was shocked; I'd never seen him unsure of himself before.

"What is it?" I asked curiously.

"Well, the thing is... Ollie has this kink..." I could already kind of see where this was going. "He likes being watched, humiliated. But... it's been a long time since he's had anyone but me. I mean, sometimes he helps to train my other submissives but I don't have anything sexual with him, and neither does he..."

"So you want us to join you?" Jay asked, sounding as if he wasn't bothered in the slightest by this.

"Only if you wanted to. I mean, even just being in the room would be enough. But it's only if you both agree completely, I'm not--"

"Finn, chill. You know I'm down with it. And I did once say that I wanted to show my little kitten how good group sex can be," he said with a grin, lying on his side. He trailed his fingertips over my thigh.

I blushed and lowered my eyes briefly before peeking up at Finn. He just rolled his eyes at Jay.

"So what do you think, babe?" Jay asked, rubbing at my lower back awkwardly. 

"I... don't see why not," I murmured, blushing more. 

Finn's shoulders sagged in relief and he let out a quiet sigh. "Thank God. Thank you, Kaidan. Jay's a little slut, I knew he'd say yes."

"I resent that. I've not been a slut for a long time," Jay said defiantly. 

Finn rolled his eyes again and stood, clicking his fingers to get the dog, Jasmine up and standing beside him. 

"By the way..." he started. "Remind me to get this room soundproofed before the next time you two end up staying here for the night."

"Why?" I asked, frowning.

"Let's just say I don't need to hear my best friend having drunk sex in my house. Again," he added. My face turned a deep red in embarrassment.

"It was one time!" Jay exclaimed, throwing his hands up in defeat. 

"No, darling, you only 
remember
 the one time. Mason was asking about you, you know?"

He scoffed and rolled onto his front, crossing his arms on top of the pillow. "I know. You think that you're his only way of contacting me?"

Finn just held his hands up in a silent gesture and left, the dog trotting out behind him. 

"Who's Mason?" I asked quietly, laying down beside him. 

From the way he was lying on his front, his spine was stretched out and curved beautifully, his lean muscles standing out underneath his skin. I reached out and stroked down his back slowly. For the first time now, I properly noticed the long, thin scars that ran across his torso, arms and legs. Before he'd mentioned them at the club the other night, I'd never noticed them before. What were they from?

"Mason's just one of my old fuck-buddies," Jay said with a shrug, not bothered that I was touching him. 

A sudden pang of hurt and jealousy shot through my heart and I paused with my stroking of his back. "'One of'?" I asked, trying to make it come across as teasing. "Should I be worried?"

He chuckled and leaned over to kiss me. "Definitely not, kitten. I've only got eyes for you."

I blushed a little and peeked up at him. His smile was genuine as he looked at me. I shuffled closer until he put his arm over me to hold me close. 

"Tell me about him?" I asked. 

"Mason?" He seemed surprised but obliged. "He was a waiter at Finn's restaurant - that one I took you to when we first met - when I first met him. Wrote me his number on the bill."

"Forward, much?" I muttered, unable to keep the bitter edge out of my word. 

He didn't seem to notice my bitterness. "We spent a long time just flirting until he asked me if I wanted to go back to his for the night. Handsome boy like him, how could I refuse?"

I nodded a little, suddenly not wanting to hear anymore. "What would you do if I asked you back to my place, hardly knowing you?"

"Now or then?" he asked with a small but growing grin. 

"Then."

"Well... I would have fluttered my eyelashes a bit for you, maybe worn some tighter clothes than usual every time that there was a chance I might see you. I'd probably wear a G-string and pull my jeans down a little so you get a proper view of it. When you asked, I'd smirk and lean forward." He leant forward until our lips were practically touching. His eyes kept flicking from mine down to my lips. "And I'd say: 'What about my place?'"

I took a shaky breath, images of such a situation flying across my mind like a whirlwind of sexual need. He grinned triumphantly as if the goal of that had been to arouse me, make me want him. He still didn't kiss me so I launched myself at him, bumping noses and teeth and tongues in my effort to get at him. I gripped on his hair tightly, enjoying the sound of his low moan.

"Oh, Kaidan, yes," he breathed, clutching at my back. "You going to take charge, fuck me good?"

I took another shaky breath at his words. Even like this - needy, teasing - I loved him. And even if I couldn't say it to his face, I could think it to myself. Suddenly some of last night trickled back to me. 

"Maybe I will..." I leant forward to his ear to whisper: "Jaimie."

His breath caught in his throat before he let out a slow breath. He wasn't tense, which kind of surprised me. He might have said that I could call him by his proper name, but I had still expected him to freak out, the first time at least. 

"Fuck, Kaidan," he whispered softly, taking deep breaths.

"You like that?" I asked, trying to keep my voice low and sensual but I couldn't stop the surprise from creeping into it. 

"Yeah... Really do. You've got to start calling me that, during sex at least."

I grinned happily and kissed him again.

(A/N So sorry this is late guys, thanks for your support with everything. If you follow me on Twitter @MacBeka, you'll get a better idea of what's keeping me from posting and stuff like that so go do that now. Chapter dedicated to lilybee28 for totally being my bae right now. Important owl shit FTW ;) ~Beka)

# Chapter Sixty

"I'm capable of showering by myself, you know," I said, stretching out on the bed. 

"Yeah, but where's the fun in that?" Jay asked, grinning. 

Jay shuffled closer, kissing my chest softly repeatedly. He rested his hand on my chest lightly, stroking his thumb over my skin absentmindedly. I hummed happily and carded my fingers through his messy hair. 

"True... Have you ever seen an expert about your sex addiction?" I said with a grin. 

He chuckled, turning his head to rest his cheek on me, looking up at me. "I don't have a sex addiction, I have a Kaidan addiction. I have to say, it's much healthier."

Laughing, I rolled my eyes. "Careful, Jaimie, you'll ruin me for anyone else."

He grinned widely, though he looked thoughtful. After a few moments, he patted my chest and shuffled off me. 

"Go get your shower then, babe," he said, kissing me briefly. "I'll be waiting here for you."

"Thanks." I got up, stretching again. I went over to the stack of towels that Ollie had brought in while we were still sleeping.

"I'll shower at home. I prefer my shower to anyone else's. I need to call Rob so take your time," he said, reaching over to the bedside table for his phone. 

"Something you don't want me to hear?" I teased, heading out of the room and back down the hall to the bathroom I'd had to visit this morning. 

If Jay replied, I didn't hear. I just went into the bathroom and locked it, stripping off my boxers. I put my boxers down with my towel and went over to the bathroom. I hadn't heard anything from Ollie or Finn so I took that as a good sign that Finn hadn't killed him. I mean, he only sacked the PA to make Finn's life better and wasn't that basically the whole purpose of his existence? Their relationship confused me. 

***

~Jay's P.O.V. (Woooo!)~

Looking at the screen of my phone quietly, I bit my lip. As I saw it, I only had a few options. Either I could see Kaidan less and just keep this professional, pass him on to Rob now even though he's not ready, or... I didn't even want to think about the 'or' right now...

Kaidan knew more about me than most people. I'd known Finn for a year and a half before I even mentioned my dad, but with Kaidan... It all came tumbling out and I didn't regret telling him. Telling Corey was a mistake, a drunken mistake. As far as everyone else knew, he was leaving us all alone and not talking to us. But he'd been talking to me. Texting me, calling me, showing up at the shoots I was scheduled for. And he wouldn't go away. 

I sighed, setting my phone down and pulling the pillow Kaidan had used into my arms. Burying my face in it, I took a deep breath. It smelt just like him. Kaidan had the most perfect scent in the whole world, and I couldn't even describe it. It was just... home. And not the sort of home I was used to. He made me feel all sorts of things that I didn't understand and, if I was honest with myself, didn't 
want
 to understand. 

I cared about him in a way beyond what Finn and I had, and Finn had been my best friend since I was a teenager. I'd once said that if I was going to marry anyone, it'd probably end up being Finn, just because there was no stress with him. I mean, we'd experimented when we were younger and even gone out for a month or two, just to see. It wasn't Ollie that changed that; it was Kaidan. 

I'd taken on a lot of people for Rob. They'd been quick in-and-outs that I never saw again, even though they had my number in case they needed it. The thought of not seeing Kaidan again after I passed him on... It actually made my stomach curl into knots that would outdo the Boy Scouts. 

"This is fucked up," I muttered to myself, stroking the pillow as if it was actually Kaidan in my arms. 

That was another thing: cuddling. I didn't like cuddling. At all. Never. As in, absolutely never under any circumstances. But then, 
Kaidan came along
. Now all I wanted to do was spend all day with him in bed, just holding him, doing anything. Talking, laughing, fucking, anything, as long as it was with him. Hell, I'd stick my hand in a fire if he told me to. 

What was wrong with me? 

I sighed again, this time in frustration, and grabbed my phone, speeddialling Rob. He answered just before the line gave up. 

"Yo, Laycock, what's up?" he asked, slightly muffled as if he was eating. 

"I need a shoot," I said quickly, leaving no time for pleasantries. 

"Uh, sure. I haven't had time to cancel tomorrow's if you've still got that in your diary," he said. There was a slight shuffling as he grabbed a pen and his diary. "Yeah, with Anya at about 11."

"What cat?" I asked automatically, fiddling with a loose thread on the pillow case. 

"Category, category..." He made a slight noise as he search for the answer to my question. "Average. Boring for you, I guess. We can talk more details tomorrow if you're game."

I was quiet for a few moments, chewing on my bottom lip. "Average as in no barebacking, right?"

"Hm? Since when was that a priority of yours?" he asked. When I didn't answer, he continued. "Alright, alright, no need to give me the silent treatment. Anya doesn't do bareback so condoms all around, man."

I let out a breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding. "Alright... Usual studio?"

"Yeah. Jay, what's up with you? Usually you don't do any shoots while you're tutoring, what happened? Is Kaidan okay?"

"He's fine, it's just... I've just got some shit going on and I need a distraction, that's all," I said quietly. 

"Maybe I could talk to him and schedule a shoot for you two, sometime? He mi--"

"No!" I said suddenly before taking a deep breath and calming down. "I mean, just let me give him some camera exposure, okay?"

"You still haven't done that? Jesus, Jay, you've had him for a week, what have you been doing with the boy?"

I could tell he was a bit annoyed at that but at that moment, I didn't give a shit. 

"He's a special case, okay, Rob? I don't want to rush him into everything just for the sake of you getting your new twink early. He's not ready."

"Fine. But it's your job to make him ready." He sighed. "Look, whatever. You do what you want with him, just get him ready, okay? Anyway I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye," I said quietly as I hung up. 

This was what I needed. A scene with some nameless, faceless, blonde bimbo to just bury whatever I was feeling. This was right. I needed this. 

But if this was what I needed, why did I feel so bad about it?

***

~Kaidan's P.O.V.~

"How can you not love that shower?" I asked as I walked into the room Jay and I were in at the moment. "It's, like, the best shower ever."

"Hm?" Jay said, looking up from where he had his face buried in a pillow. He was looking significantly less happy than when I left them. 

"Hey, what's up?" I asked, going over and sitting on the bed, awkwardly with the towel wrapped around my hips. 

"Nothing, hon, it's fine," he replied with a small smile. I couldn't tell whether it was real or forced. 

"Are you sure? You look sad," I said quietly, stroking his hair. 

"Just not feeling well, that's all. I think my hangover's coming back."

I smiled slightly, leaning down to kiss his cheek. "Shall I find some more painkillers for you?"

"No, it's fine. We'll get a taxi to the car later and we can drive back to mine. You need to call someone at college to say you're not dead," he said, sitting up slowly. 

"That would be a good idea. Speaking of dead, has Finn killed Ollie or something? It's completely silent." 

"They're probably having post-argument make-up sex. We're lucky they're trying to be quiet because otherwise literally all we'd hear was 'Oh 
Finn
, Master, 
yes!
'" he exclaimed, faking sex talk and a moan. 

I laughed and blushed, smacking his arm. "Shush, they'll hear you."

"They won't; they're too wrapped up in each other - literally."

"Are you saying they have a sex addiction worse than yours?" I teased, grinning. 

Jay laughed. "I don't have a sex addiction! Just because my whole life revolves around sex, does not mean that I'm an addict. Don't you think I'd change it if I could?"

"I don't know, would you?" I asked before I could even think about it. 

He looked taken aback briefly before he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Kaidan..."

"I mean it, Jay. Don't you see what this is doing to you?" I asked softly, reaching out to stroke his hair gently. "And please don't say something about me going into it. I'm doing it because I need the money, although I'd probably be okay with just stripping. You do it because you think you can't do anything else."

Jay looked up at me with tears in his eyes. "Kaidan..."

"I mean it, Jay," I said, lying down beside me. I reached out and stroked his cheek softly. He closed his eyes briefly. 

"What else could I do?" he asked quietly with wide eyes. He looked so vulnerable that I felt my heart break just a little bit. 

I took the pillow from his arms and put it underneath my head before I pulled him close, wrapping my arms around him and kissing his head. 

"You could just give up the porn, be a stripper, anything. You could open a pole dancing studio, go to those championships you were talking about, anything. Absolutely anything. You're so good at so many things, not just fucking people on camera."

"I..." he started, swallowing hard. 

"We can talk about this later. For now, let's just have a good day, yeah?"

He nodded slightly and looked up at me. I stroked his cheek again and leant down to kiss him softly. He returned the kiss full force, reaching up to grip my hair tightly. I winced slightly when he accidentally tugged. He let go and knelt up, still kissing me. He pulled the towel from around my waist and threw it onto the floor somewhere before he straddled me. 

"Fuck me, Kaidan," he whispered softly, barely above a breath.

He kissed along my jaw and down my neck feverishly, taking me in his hand to try and get me hard. I gasped in surprise and grabbed onto his shoulders. 

"Jay, no. I--"

"Baby, please. I need this," he said, pulling away slightly to look at me with tears in his eyes again. "
Please
."

"I... We don't even have any lube," I answered, trying not to give in to me but I could feel my will easily crumble under his begging. 

"It doesn't matter. I just need you right now, Kaidan, please. Do this for me, please."

I swallowed, looking at him quietly for a few moments. He didn't even try and stop the few tears that were beginning to fall now. All I could do was nod. He let out a small sob of relief, resting his head on my shoulder briefly. To think that this was the same man who had been joking and laughing not even half an hour ago...

"Thank you, Kaidan, thank you," he murmured over and over again as he kissed down my chest quickly. 

"Jay--"

"No," he interrupted suddenly. "Not Jay... That's not my name."

I looked at him in surprise for a minute before just nodding, giving in to him completely. His shoulders sagged slightly in relief as he continued his feverish journey down my body. When he reached my half-hard cock, he quickly took me into his mouth. I moaned slightly, reaching down to hold his hair like I usually would. Suddenly he lightly scraped his bottom teeth over a sensitive patch of skin, making me cry out in surprise. 

"Ja-- Jaimie!" I exclaimed, tightening my grip in his hair. That was going to take some getting used to.

I looked down at him to see him hurriedly prepping himself with his own fingers. I moaned slightly at the sight, though my heart still clenched at the thought that he was so desperate for this, to make his thoughts go away, that we couldn't take this slow.

"Jaimie, slow down, it's fine. L-Let's take our time," I gasped out, trying to keep my voice level as my body was being assaulted by his mouth. 

He sat back and shook his crawling until he was kneeling above me again. He took hold of me again and positioned himself before starting to slide down. He whimpered slightly and his face screwed up but he didn't stop until he was sat in my lap. 

"Jay, seriously, slow down," I said quickly. "You'll just hurt yourself or something."

"I'm used to it hurting, Kaidan," he snapped suddenly before he took a deep breath and leant down to kiss me briefly. "I'm sorry."

All I could do was nod in response, trying not to cry. If I ever met Jay's father, I would not be responsible for my actions. He hurt the man I love and he'll pay for it. 

 (A/N Longer chapter than usual but omg the feeeeeeeeeels! I just want to hold my little baby Jay and never let him go. Also, I want to strangle his dad. Even though they're both fictional but fuck it. Hope you like this. Chapter dedicated to ShawtyDvpe for the comment on the last chapter ~Beka)

# Chapter Sixty-One

(A/N Two chapters in one day, aren't you lucky?!)

The air was full of an awkward tension that I'd never felt between Jay and I before, and I didn't like it. He was curled around me, practically clinging to me like a limpet or a small, terrified child.

"Jay..." I started quietly. 

"I'm sorry, Kaidan," he whispered, tightening his grip on me.

"It's okay, it's fine," I reassured him gently, stroking his back. 

He sniffed, nodding a little. He used the heel of his hand to wipe away his tears and took a sudden shaky breath. He sniffed and reached for his phone, sitting up and sending a quick text.

"Who's that to?" I asked, unable to keep the curious edge out of my voice.

"Rob... To cancel tomorrow's shoot," he said quietly, lying beside me again. He pulled the duvet up to his nose and sniffled a little again. 

"I thought he'd already cancelled all of them for you. While you were with me," I added.

"I, uh... Yeah, he did. While you were in the shower... I rang him to say I'd do tomorrow's..."

"Why?" I asked, frowning. 

"This... thing, whatever it is, that we've got going on... It scares me, Kaidan. More than a little. I don't know what it is, but I don't like it. You've done so much for me, but..." He took another deep breath, wiping at his cheeks. "This is terrifying. I don't know if I can do it."

"Do what? What even is it that we're doing here?" I asked, though I knew exactly what he meant. He was talking about the emotions that were building up between us. 

"That's the thing, I don't even know!" he shouted, getting up suddenly, clambering out of bed. 

He paced around the bedroom slightly, clutching at his hair while he practically hyperventilating. 

"Jay, it's okay, just sit down, we can talk about this," I urged, sitting up and getting onto my knees. 

"There's nothing to talk about, Kaidan! This... I-It's suffocating... You know that I don't do feelings, I told you that. Now, y-you've... dragged me into it all!" he exclaimed, practically hysterical. 

"I didn't drag you into anything, Jay... I didn't..."

There was a short knock at the door before it opened. Finn was there, looking between us worriedly. He didn't look the least bit surprised or bothered that Jay was standing in the middle of the room, completely naked. He just went over to him slowly, not sparing me a second glance which gave me time to pull the covers up to cover myself. 

"Jay, it's okay," Finn said softly, slowly, as if he was talking to a wounded animal. 

"It's not okay! H-He--" He pointed an accusing finger at me but was cut off by a sudden sob. "F-Finny..."

Finn just stepped closer and wrapped Jay in his arms, stroking his back slowly while Jay cried, clinging to his best friend. I could feel my heart breaking and my own tears crawling up my throat as I scrambled out of bed, pulling my boxers on quickly before leaving the room. 

I shut the door behind me and just collapsed against it, breathing deeply to stop from bursting into tears. Ollie came over quietly, looking messy as if he'd just thrown some clothes on. He knelt beside me and held me against him, holding my head against his chest. I sniffed and shuffled closer to him. 

"What happened, Ollie?" I asked quietly. 

"I think he realised that he's emotionally invested and this is him freaking out about it. I'm sorry that he was like that to you, Kaidan..." he said softly with a small sigh. 

"It's okay... S'not your fault..."

He sighed again and we were quiet. The only sound in the whole house was Jay's wracking sobs that I could feel all the way through me. I felt like I should be the one in there with him, but I was the cause of his sobs. It couldn't be me. 

"Come on," Ollie said, getting up and pulling me with him, "let's go down to our room and we can talk, yeah?"

I nodded a little and let him lead me by the hand down to his bedroom. 

"Do I need to be worried about bodily fluids?" I asked, trying to make myself smile at least a little bit. 

Ollie huffed a little laugh out and shook his head. We went in and crawled onto the bed. Ollie sat with his legs crossed in the middle of the bed while I curled up with my head in his lap. He didn't say anything; he just stroked my hair slowly, trying to comfort me. I couldn't help it, but I felt myself drifting off to sleep. 

***

When I woke, the room was dark and I was colder than I had been when I fell asleep. There was the sound of hushed voices somewhere. I made a little noise and shuffled. I was in a large bed somewhere, alone. Where was Jay? He couldn't be far, he-- 

Then I remembered. 

I opened my eyes slightly, revealing only more darkness except for a strip of light crawling in through the crack of the door that was ajar. I stopped breathing for a moment so I could hear the voices better. 

"Just let him sleep, Finn," someone whispered. Ollie?

"Hon... I need to know what happened. I can't help either of them if I don't know what happened." Finn, there. 

"I know but..." Ollie sighed. "He should wake up soon anyway. How was Jay when you left him?"

"Out cold," Finn scoffed. "You know what he's like. His sudden panic turned into a full-on anxiety attack. He's my best friend, Ollie, I have to help him..."

"I know you do, I want to, but you can't keep tidying up his messes for him, Finn."

"But--"

"We've been talking about kids, and getting married, but how can we do any of that if you're still running around after Jay? I want Jay to be okay, I really do. I love him with all my heart, but I need my Finny too..."

There was a soft ruffle of clothes as if they were hugging. I blinked again, letting my eyes adjust to the darkness now. I looked around with what little light there was. I hadn't taken notice of my surroundings when Ollie brought me into their bedroom but this was how I imagined it would be: tidy, clean and everything in its proper place. I couldn't tell anything about colours in the dark. 

The door opened more and Finn came in, followed by Ollie. I sat up and rubbed at my eyes. Ollie sidestepped around Finn and turned the bedside lamp on before crawling onto the bed to kneel beside me. 

"Hey, Kaidan... How're you feeling?"

"Better," I murmured. "Where's Jay?"

"I took him home," Finn said, sitting on the edge of the bed. "And I brought most of your stuff. I thought it would be best if you and Jay didn't see each other for a little while, just while he figures out what's going on. Is that alright?"

I nodded quietly, unable to stop the feeling of my heart being dragged around and stamped on. Not see Jay? For an undefined amount of time? I don't think there was anything worse at that moment. 

"Do you want to go home too?" Ollie asked. "But you can stay here for as long as you want, so don't feel like we're kicking you out."

"It's fine, I'll go... What time is it?" I asked. 

"About seven. We didn't want to wake you, you just looked so exhausted," Finn answered, checking his watch.

"Thanks," I said, forcing a small smile. "Have you got some of my clothes...? I just want to go home..."

"Of course. I brought all the clothes of yours that I could find at Jay's," Finn said, leaving the room, presumably to go and get them. 

"Kaidan...?" Ollie asked hesitantly. "Jay said that he gave you one of his apartments. Do you want to go there or your place?"

I hesitated. I wanted to be somewhere he would know where to find me if he wanted to see me. I imagined that the first place he would go was my flat. 

"My place, if that's okay," I said quietly, leaning against him. 

"Of course. I can drive you; Finn needs to get some work done. Is that alright?"

I just nodded. Ollie smiled reassuringly and got up, saying something and telling Finn and putting some shoes on. When Finn returned, he had a pile of the clothes that Jay had bought me. It didn't look like all of them because they'd been slowly making their way into his drawers. Is this what a break up felt like? I'd practically lived with him for a week and now I felt like I'd been completely shut out of his life. He blamed me for how he felt. He blamed me for him falling in love with me, if that was what had actually happened. 

Sighing to myself, I got up and slowly pulled some clothes on, not caring what I looked like or whether they matched. I just wanted to get home to something familiar, something that vaguely resembled my life before Jay. To think, I'd known him a week and he'd already changed my life so much that thinking about it without him in it... Just didn't bear thinking about. 

When I left the room, I walked down the stairs slowly. Even if this was my first chance to properly take in the house, I kept my eyes on my feet. 

"Here, I found this in the room you were in last night," Ollie said with a small smile, holding out my phone to me. 

I nodded my thanks and took it, checking it for any messages. Nothing. I sighed slightly and tucked it into my pocket. 

"Ready to go?" he asked. "You'll have to direct me once we get into town if that's alright."

"Sure," I said with a little nod. 

Finn came out of a door down a hallway and came over, enveloping me in a tight hug. 

"We'll see you soon, okay? If you hear from Jay, let me know, alright?" he said, more of a command than anything else, but I was already used to that with Finn. He handed me my school bag and a plastic bag with my clothes in.

Ollie and him shared a brief kiss before Ollie got a ring of keys off a hook by the door and opened the door for me, holding it open. When I stepped out, the cold hit me suddenly, making me shiver. I wrapped my arms around myself and followed Ollie over to a smaller car than the one Finn had driven last night. I assumed it was Ollie's. I got in quietly and stayed quiet until Ollie asked me to direct him to my flat. 

I opened my mouth to tell him but paused. I didn't want to be on my own. 

"Do you know the college? Just drop me near there, please," I said, already thinking of my route. 

"Sure thing," he said, heading towards my college. 

We were quiet again until he pulled up just outside. When I made a move to get out, he stopped me. 

"Kaidan, wait," he said before I opened the door. "I know this is difficult but--"

"Do you really? You've got Finn," I said, a bit sharper than I'd intended. He didn't seem fazed. 

"You'd be surprised about what I went through before I met him, and even the shit I've put up with while I've been with him. I just wanted to say that you just need to give Jay some time, okay? Just let him think about everything; he'll come to his senses soon enough."

"Alright... Thanks, Ollie. For everything," I said sincerely, looking at him. 

He took my hand and squeezed with a reassuring smile. 

"Now, get out of my car."

I smiled a little and got out, waving to him as he drove off. I walked quickly down all the shortcuts I knew, fingers freezing in the spring air. When I finally arrived at my destination, after what seemed like hours in the cold without a coat on, I stood hesitantly at the door before knocking. 

The music inside the house was turned down a little and there was someone galloping down the stairs to answer the door. The person there was just the person I needed to see. 

"Kaidan?" Sam asked, confused. 

I ignored him and stepped forward, throwing my arms around him and letting my tears flow again. 

(A/N This was actually heartbreaking but necessary. I just always imagined Jay completely freaking out when he realised that he had feelings for Kaidan and there was no ignoring them. Sigh... Poor babies. Chapter dedicated to uchi_chama for telling Jay not to do the shoot and just propose to Kaidan >.< ~Beka)

# Chapter Sixty-Two

"Kaidan, what's up?" Sam asked as I clung onto him.

I stepped back, still freezing in the doorway. He seemed to realise and brought me inside, shutting the door behind me. He lead me upstairs to the living room, turning off the music as he did. The silence only made me feel worse.

"What happened?" he asked. "Is it your boyfriend?"

"He's not my boyfriend," I muttered. God, I wish he was. 

"Have you broken up? Oh, Kay... Want to talk about it?"

"No, I mean... We were never together in the first place. He... I..." I looked down at my knees, trying to think of a way to tell him the truth without mentioning the porn. 

"You can tell me anything, you know that," he said softly. 

That was what had me breaking down in tears again and everything just came tumbling out. 

"I-I was really struggling... For money a-and... So I went online and found th-this website... It was a porn agency a-and I applied."

"What? Seriously? Shit, Kaidan... You could have told me you were struggling so much, I would have helped you out. Hell, I even have a sofa you could sleep on. Where does the stripper come into all of this?"

"Well, he... He works for this agency too and because I'm a... virgin," I managed to stutter out, ignoring Sam's look of surprise, "they gave me, like... a tutor."

"And that was him?" he asked, trying to piece everything together.

I nodded, sniffling quietly. "And, uh... I've fallen in love with him..."

"That's not going to end well," he muttered to himself. 

"No shit, Sherlock," I scoffed tearily, wiping at my cheeks again. "H-He... Doesn't do feelings; he's had a bad life and... he... Well... We were staying with some of his friends because we went out last night and... This morning he completely freaked out, broke down... Ollie said it was because he realised he had feelings for me too."

"Ollie? That's one of his friends?" he asked. I nodded quietly. "What happened in his past?"

"I-I can't say," I murmured, taking a shaky breath to try and calm down. He nodded understandingly. "But--"

"But it's enough to emotionally scar him forever?" Sam finished for me. 

I nodded lamely, unsure what else I could say. Sam sighed and wrapped his arms around me again, holding me close. I'd stopped crying now, but I just felt... empty. 

"Can I stay here tonight?" I asked quietly, sounding calm. Far too calm. "I don't want to be alone."

"Of course. You can sleep in my bed." I shook my head quickly but he cut me off. "I mean it, you need it more than I do."

"You've got college tomorrow too," I muttered, feeling shitty. "And it's your house."

"Then how about we share?" he joked. 

"Can we?" I asked suddenly, looking up at him. 

He blinked in surprise but nodded anyway. "Sure thing. No homo though."

I laughed a little, smiling weakly. "No homo," I agreed with a small nod. 

He was smiling as he stood. "Are you hungry or anything? I've probably got something edible in the kitchen."

Shaking my head, I stood too. "I just want to sleep to be honest..."

"That's alright," he assured with a smile. 

Sam took my school bag from me and set it beside his next to the couch. He lead the way to his bedroom, leaving the door open for me. 

"Bathroom's through there." He pointed to a door on the other side of the relatively small room. "Kitchen's downstairs, you know where everything is so make yourself at home."

"Thanks," I said softly, heading for the bathroom. 

After going to the toilet, I stared at myself in the mirror. I looked as empty as I felt. It was amazing - and disturbing - just how much a week could change a person. I tried a small smile but it looked like a mockery of my whole face. I looked away and went through the plastic bag that Finn had put all of my clothes in. 

I got out the few sets of pyjamas I had. There was a loose T-shirt with some shorts; Jay always said I looked hot in them. There was a set of white, fluffy top and pants; Jay said they made me feel so cuddly and warm, like a little teddy bear. 
His
 little teddy bear. The third set was a simple black top and pants that Jay said made me look boring and plain. Looking through the rest of the clothes, I realised there was hardly any that didn't have a memory of Jay attached to it. I sniffed again and went to the door, opening it. 

Sam was sat cross-legged on the bed, looking over a textbook. He looked up when the bathroom door opened. 

"Have you got any clothes I could borrow to sleep in...?" I asked quietly. 

He frowned, looking behind me and seeing all my clothes spread over the bathroom floor. Then he looked back to my face and looked more concerned than confused. He nodded and got up. 

"Sure..." he said, getting up and going to his chest of drawers. 

He pulled out a pair of navy sweatpants and an old T-shirt with a couple of holes in it. This was perfect. Sam, as he went back to sitting on the bed, was still looking at me worriedly. I felt he deserved an explanation. 

"They all remind me of him," I whispered, feeling silly that I couldn't even wear some clothes without wanting to tear up about him. 

His mouth opened into a silent 'Oh' of understanding and he nodded, not saying anything more, which I was grateful for. 

"Have you done the chemistry work?" he asked, holding up the textbook. 

I shook my head. "I've not done any work for the past week, pretty much. I've been..." 

What? What had I even been doing? Obsessing over someone that I shouldn't have fallen in love with but had anyway? Helping that someone through their emotions and becoming so close to them that everything else in my life took a backseat? Pretty much, yeah. 

Sam just nodded and went back to reading through the book. I disappeared back into the bathroom and changed quickly, tidying up my clothes and shoving them back into the plastic bag as if I could take my heartbreak out on them. Anything would do, I guess. 

When I came back out into the room, Sam was under the covers with his textbook propped against his legs, which were bent underneath the duvet. He looked up at me and smiled. I tried a little smile back, though I don't think it was anything more than a slight little curve of my lips. Better than nothing, though... 

I dumped the bag of clothes in the corner of the room and came over to the bed, crawling in and curling up without even pulling the covers up over me. Sam sighed quietly and pulled them up to keep me warm. He closed his book and set it on the floor next to the bed, turning the bedside lamp off. 

"Good night, Kaidan," he said softly. 

"Night," I said monotonely. 

The sheets ruffled slightly as Sam got comfortable but soon the noise stopped, replaced by deep, steady breathing. 

I didn't sleep that night. 

***

In the morning, I didn't feel any better. I was sat on the bed, dressed in the clothes I'd worn yesteday, staring at my blank phone screen as if waiting for something. Someone, more like. As much as I tried, I couldn't lie to myself. I just wanted Jay to text, call, anything. Anything to let me know that I didn't hate him. 

Finally, Sam came out of the bathroom, dressed and ready to go. 

"Ready?" he asked, spraying himself with a little bit of his usual cologne. I nodded and stood. 

I didn't talk that day.

***

The week passed slowly in a blur of not sleeping, not eating, hardly speaking. My teachers were worried but no matter what they said, I'd just keep my eyes on the floor and keep my mouth shut. I just didn't want to talk to anyone, especially anyone that might ask about my feelings. Even Sam had realised just to act as if nothing was happening. 

I'd gone home after a second night at his and the familiarity was comforting. The thin, over-used bed sheets and the leaky tap, the hardly working hot water, the temperamental shower, it was all familiar, home. But at the same time it was completely foreign. In bed at night, it felt like there should be another body beside me. In the shower in the morning, it felt like there should be someone at the sink brushing his teeth. In the kitchen in the evening, it felt like there should have been someone moving around the kitchen with me. 

But there was no one. 

I was alone. 

I hadn't heard from Jay at all, but I'd had quite a few texts from Ollie and Finn, asking how I was, if I wanted to go out for dinner, for drinks, go round their's for a film night. I never replied. I felt like if I didn't talk to them, I could pretend that Jay had never existed in my life. But there was no convincing myself, as much as I tried. There was no escape from the memories of our mornings, afternoons, evening, nights... Every single little interaction, every touch, was seared onto my mind and there was no getting away from them. 

The only person I'd spoke to at all had been Sam, and even that hadn't been very much. I'd been avoiding Mina, scared she'd ask me what was going on, if Jay was okay. Sam didn't ask if I was okay, didn't ask if I was hungry, or tired. He knew that I wasn't okay. He knew that I wasn't eating, and I wasn't sleeping. 

Hell, I'd only lost a couple of pounds and my ribs were beginning to show. Well, I'd always said I wanted to lose a bit of weight. There's an upside to everything, right?

***

Sam burst into the flat, looking around until he saw me lying on the sofa and staring at the wall. I didn't even own a TV to stare at blankly. I looked up at him silently. 

"We're going out, you miserable bastard," he said in a tone that left no room for debate. 

I didn't get up. He came over and dragged me to my feet. Grabbing my phone, he shoved it into my pocket and took me by the hand, pulling me out of the door. 

"Where are we going?" I asked quietly. 

"Just down to the local nightclub. I'm sick of you wandering around like some sort of ghost. Here, but not. So I'm going to get you drunk and we're going to have a good night out," he stated, letting go of my hand. 

I automatically kept walking beside him. Tonight was warmer than it had been recently so I was alright in my T-shirt and jeans. Sam kept chattering on at me, though I zoned him out after a few moments. He was right, I guess. It'd been a week and I was acting like a zombie, already dead. Yes, I was hurt, but I needed to get on with my life. I nodded to myself, determined to have a good night tonight. I was going to get drunk, dance badly with Sam and then go home and oversleep so I had to rush to college in time. I was going to be normal. 

The queue to get in was only short, which surprised me. Once we were in, the flashing strobe lights, pounding music and writhing bodies suddenly made me feel more like myself. With Sam stood next to me, it was just like the old days when he'd drag me out something and try and get me laid. I didn't think he'd do that tonight though. 

"Let's get pissed!" Sam shouted to me over the music. 

He grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards the bar, pushing me onto a stool while he ordered for us, leaning over the bar to talk to the bartender. Soon, a couple shots were set in front of me. 

"Drink," Sam ordered. 

"Why, are you going to try and take advantage of me?" I asked with a little smile. 

Sam grinned widely at my attempt at humour and nudged me. "I'll let someone else do that for me."

I took the shots, one after another, draining any drink that Sam or the barman set in front of me until my head was swimming and my vision was a little blurry. 

"Let's dance!" I shouted to Sam, grabbing him and pulling him to the dance floor. 

He nearly dropped his glass, he was so surprised, but he managed to put it down just before I dragged him too far away. 

I was acting like a drunken lunatic, but this was what I needed. I just needed to let everything go, just for one night. I could go back to my life tomorrow but for tonight, I was just going to be one of many other faces that blurred together in someone else's memories. 

After a little while, I was nearly wetting myself so I made my way towards the bathroom. I went into the mens'. All but one of the toilets was out of order and the one that was working was shut. I sighed and knocked on the bathroom door. 

"How long are you gonna be?" I asked with a slight slur. 

There was a little giggle in response. I frowned. A female giggle. I was in the right bathroom, right? I looked around the check. Urinals, yeah, I was in the mens'. But why was there a girl in here then. 

I looked at the door again, seeing that it wasn't actually locked, just pulled shut. Had I imagined the giggle then? I listened for a moment. Silence, as far as I could tell. I shrugged slightly and opened the door. 

Oh. 

My. 

God. 

There was a girl leaning against the wall of the cubicle, her dress up around her hips, revealing her shaved downstairs. There was a black head of hair between her legs, her fingers entwined in it. The guy sat back when he realised the door had been opened. 

My heart broke all over again. 

Jay was kneeling there, looking very pissed off, with this girl's wetness all over his lips. When he saw it was me, his eyes went as wide as mine. I took a sudden step back, the silence making my head pound. I turned and ran. 

I didn't even stop to find Sam to tell him I was going. I just ran, not stopping until I was back in my flat. I collapsed to the floor and let my sobs escape. I curled up and just let myself cry and sob, not even bothering to try and calm myself down. 

I didn't stop crying that night.

(A/N Fuck, that was depressing... Hope I haven't made any of you cry as much as I am right now. Chapter dedicated to pernicoshipper for making me laugh with her Vine reference on the last chapter. See link over there -----> for the vine ~Beka)

# Chapter Sixty-Three

Once I'd managed to calm down a little, I crawled to the sofa and lay on it, curled into a tight ball. I stared at the wall blankly. Jay freaked out because he realised he had feelings for me, but then he goes and does that? Who does that?!

I mean... He didn't do it to spite me; he didn't even know I'd be there, but... How many people had he slept with in the week that we hadn't been speaking? How many people had he held in the bed that we'd shared? The bed I'd lost my virginity in. My virginity... I took a sudden shaky breath. There was no getting that back now... He'd taken that from me, just like any resemblance of a normal life I had. He'd taken my heart and placed himself there. It may be cliche, but that was how it felt to me. 

Slowly, I uncurled. Reaching for my phone, I scrolled through the few contacts on the list. I hesitated on Jay's name before scrolling down one more to Ollie. After a moment's hesitation, I pressed it and held the phone to my ear. While it rang, I pulled the thin, ragged blanket off the back of the couch and set it over me, pulling it around tightly. 

"Hello?" Ollie said absentmindedly when he finally picked. I didn't answer for a few moments. "Hello?" he asked again. 

"Hey," I murmured, almost croakily. 

"Kaidan? Jesus, you're alive. Why haven't you answered any of our texts?" he asked accusingly. 

I felt guilty, shrinking in on myself slightly. "Sorry... I just... thought that if I pretended you didn't exist, Jay wouldn't exist either..."

His voice immediately softened. "Oh, hon... That's okay, don't worry. We know you're okay now, that's all that matters. So what's up? How come you're ringing?"

"I, uh... I ran into Jay," I said shakily. 

The image of him going down on that fucking whore was painfully present in my mind, floating behing my eyes, teasing and taunting me. Showing me everything that wasn't mine and never would be. 

"Oh?" Ollie asked, interested. "Where? Last I heard, he hadn't been home since Finn left him there."

"You haven't seen him?" I asked, letting a little curiosity seep into my voice. 

"Seen him? Kaidan, he's been ignoring us even better than you have. I haven't even heard from him. Anyway, what happened when you saw him?"

I was quiet for a moment, trying to think of a way to phrase it that wouldn't end in me breaking down all over again. "I went out. To some nightclub with my friend and, uh, he was there..."

"Performing or just there?"

"He was in the bathroom... With a girl," I whispered quietly, barely above a breath. 

The silence from Ollie had me wondering whether or not he'd heard me. 

"Sorry?!" he exclaimed suddenly, anger boiling in his voice. 

I flinched slightly, tightening my grip on the phone. "There were in a cubicle together... He was... going down on her," I said quietly, trying to take deep breaths to stop the quickly approaching sobs. 

"I'm going to kill him. I'm honestly going to 
fucking 
kill him," he seethed quietly.

There was a vague shout of 'No swearing!' from the background somewhere. I smiled a little at Ollie's little huff and his mutter of:

"Shut up, asshole."

There was silence for a moment as I waited for him to say something and he tried to decide what to say. What even 
was
 there to say? It's not like he could pat me on the head and tell me everything was okay. If that was the answer, my life would be so much easier. 

"Did he say anything?" Ollie asked eventually. 

"He sort of just stared at me in surprise... Then I ran," I admitted quietly, almost ashamed. 

"I would have kicked him in the fucking balls! Shut up, Finn, now is not the time!" he shouted to Finn, holding the phone away from his mouth from the way his voice was slightly muffled. 

"Why would he do that, Ollie?" I asked, my heart beginning to throb dully again. 

He sighed. "He's got a fucked up way of dealing with stuff, Kaidan. His reaction to the acknowledgment of his feelings is proof enough of that. Clearly his response is to try and fuck so many people that he forgets you. Like that's going to work," he said sarcastically, scoffing. 

"What do I do?"

"What do you mean? The next time you see him, you fucking slap the shit out of him and walk away. You need to find someone better, Kaidan."

"But... I love him," I answered weakly, knowing it was a stupid argument.

"I know, darling, but... Do you really want to be with someone that treats you like this?"

"He didn't treat me like anything," I argued, unsure why I was defending Jay. "He didn't know I'd be there, and he didn't do it to upset me. It's just... his way of dealing with it. My way is to not eat or sleep, apparently."

"Kaidan..." he started, soon trailing off, his comeback dying on his tongue. "Just eat something, okay? I'll talk to him. You get some sleep and I'll talk to you in the morning, yeah?"

I nodded a little before I realised he couldn't see me. "Yeah. Okay," I agreed. "Thanks."

"Anytime, chica, don't worry about it."

I smiled bemusedly, just a bit. "'Chica'?" 

"I've been watching too much TV, okay? Now go get in bed, don't argue. We'll talk in the morning."

He hung up before I could respond. I smiled at my phone a little, wondering when Ollie had become such a good friend. I got up and shuffled to my bedroom, crawling under the covers with my blanket.

Soon, to my surprise, I was asleep. 

***

~Ollie's P.O.V.~

I'm honestly going to kill that fucker. 

Okay, so maybe not 
honestly
 but right now I really wanted to. I knew the sort of life Jay'd had and the sort of life he lead now, but that didn't give him an excuse to sleep around while he was so blatantly in love with Kaidan. I wanted to go to his house with a baseball bat and just wait for him to get back, whether he was with someone or not. 

As attractive as the idea was, we didn't even own a baseball bat. 

I got up with a sigh and went down the hall to Finn's office where he was sat looking through PA applications. I'd gone back to working for him this past week, which made both of our lives so much easier. I was good at what I did and we both knew it. I knocked on the door before going in. 

"Coming for a spanking?" Finn teased, looking over a CV. "For swearing earlier. Who were you talking to?"

I came round and took the applications from him, setting them down in a neat pile before I sat in his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck. 

"That was Kaidan," I told him, kissing his cheek softly to try and calm myself down. 

"Kaidan? He's okay?" he asked worriedly. He wouldn't show it but I knew he cared about Kaidan as much as I did. "What was he saying?"

"He's just seen Jay."

Now, like he'd been doing for the past week at the very mention of Jay, he tensed. He was hiding something from me and I didn't like it. 

"Oh, yeah?" he asked with forced curiosity. 

I hummed in response, playing with the buttons of his shirt. "At a nightclub. With a girl. In the bathroom."

He hesitated, though he didn't look surprised. "Oh."

"'Oh'? That's literally it? What have you been hiding from me, Finn? We promised: no secrets," I reminded him. He looked guilty, like I'd intended. 

"I've been talking to Jay," he admitted softly, looking down as if he was afraid I'd shout at him. It wasn't often that I felt like I was in Finn's place - like I was the Master and he was my slave - but this was one of those times. 

"So what's he been up to? How many people has he fucked in the past week? Or has he lost count?" I asked maliciously, trying to get a proper response from him. 

"Don't talk about him like that," he said defensively. 

"No? Kaidan walked in on him eating a girl out in a public bathroom. Sorry if that implies the idea that he's been a little slut."

Finn sighed but wrapped his arms around me. I stilll didn't move mine from his neck. No matter what was said, what shots were fired, he knew I was doing it to get the truth out of him. He knew I loved him. 

"He's taken it badly, okay? I think he's just trying to get himself back to the level of confidence he was at before. For what, I don't know?"

"So, what, he's grabbing as many guys as he can to try and make himself 
feel
 better?" 

"He's not been anywhere near guys. It's like--"

"--they remind him of Kaidan," I finished for him, nodding slightly. 

He'd done this before. He once had a bad experience with a girl who got too clingy and didn't even flirt or check out a girl for six months. And the girl he finally did flirt with was halfway through her transition from male to female. 

"He's trying to forget," Finn said softly, stroking my thigh gently. 

"No, he's trying to make it go away. It's not the same as forgetting. He doesn't know how to deal with this shit so he's dealing with it the only way he knows how: trying to scare it away with sex. It won't work this time."

"You say that like it's ever worked for him before," he said with a small smile.

I rolled my eyes. "True, but that's not the point. He won't answer calls from the house phone or my mobile. Could I borrow your phone? I just want to talk to him."

"Alright," he acquiesced quietly, handing me the phone from his pocket. "After you've spoken to him, you'll help me with these applications, right?"

I smiled, getting up. "As you wish."

I walked out of the study and down the hall to the living room, Finn's phone in hand. I turned down the slight background music I liked to have playing. Just some old classical stuff; it was nice to have on, otherwise the house felt too quiet. Sitting down on the sofa, I speeddialled Jay, knowing Finn's phone as well as I knew my own, if not better. 

He answered after almost a minute. "What?" he asked sharply. There was a slight noise as if he was doing a shot. 

"It's me," I said, not bothering with making my voice sound friendly. There was time for friendly later, but it wasn't now. 

He was quiet for a moment. "Oh."

"So I've just spoken to Kaidan. And Finn," I added. 

"Oh..." he repeated, trailing more this time. 

"Yes. 'Oh'. What do you think you're doing, Jay? You can't sleep and drink all your problems away."

"It's working so far," he muttered. 

"No! It's really not," I said with a humourless laugh. "Seriously, it's not. You realise you're in love with the kindest, most loving man I've met and your response to that is to fuck as many girls as you can?"

"Thought you weren't allowed to swear," he murmured, avoiding the question. 

"Answer me," I snapped, already beginning to feel done with his shit. 

"I haven't fucked anyone," he said quietly. "I tried but... It just felt... 
wrong

. 
I'm a porn star that can't even fuck anyone right now. Fat lot of use, I am."

"Jay, stop it."

He sighed. "Sorry. What am I supposed to do, Ollie...?"

"Well, first things first. You go to Kaidan's house and you apologise, as sincerely as you can. You get flowers, chocolates, fucking anything that he likes, and you get on your knees and you 
beg
. You beg for him to take you back, for him to forgive you, to give you a second chance. And then you act like a decent human being and accept your feelings for what they are without being a dick about it."

We were both silent for a moment. I'd shocked myself with that little outburts so it was no surprise Jay was having trouble comprehending it.

"Answer one question for me, Jay," I said. 

"What?"

"Do you love him? Do you really?" I asked. 

He was quiet for another second before he released a shaky breath. "Yeah," he admitted. "Yeah, I do."

(A/N Hehehehe, are things beginning to fix themselves? I hope so! I can't handle my babies fighting. So many of you were just like 'Fuck Jay' on the last chapter, but didn't you think about what his response would be? I mean, you all read his initial response. He had a breakdown, for fuck's sake. I understand you all but... I don't know how to finish that sentence. Chapter dedicated to Shebang for naming pretty much all the *s I've put in the book >.< And generally being awesome ~Beka)

# Chapter Sixty-Four

~Kaidan's P.O.V.~

In the week since Jay and I 'split up' or whatever, I'd hardly slept to the point of not trying anymore; I just stared at the wall in silence. Now, waking up to the mid-morning sunlight streaming through my crappy curtains, I felt at least a little refreshed. I sat up, rubbing my eye. Last night had been... awful, but hopefully Ollie had managed to talk to Jay and... And what? And everything would be fine and he'd come and admit his love to me? I scoffed to myself as I got up. 

I grabbed my phone and while I shuffled towards the kitchen, scrolled through all the messages I had from Sam, asking me if I was okay, where I'd gone, then if I'd got laid. That last one had a little winky face with it. I rolled my eyes slightly. Typical of him. 

I stopped in the hall suddenly and sniffed. There was a weird smell of smoke. Like... burning. I walked quicker towards the kitchen and froze. 

"Jay?" I asked in disbelief. 

Jay jumped in surprise and turned around, giving me a sheepish smile. 

"What are you doing here?" I said harshly. 

"I, uh... I was making you breakfast. Well, trying..." he admitted quietly, shifting awkwardly. 

"Yeah but what are you doing 
here
? In my flat," I pointed out to him, gesturing around the room. 

"I wanted to surprise you. And apologise."

I crossed my arms, taking a deep breath. I wasn't as upset as I thought I would be, seeing him. Instead, I was just pissed off. "So you thought you'd just break into my apartment to apologise for the worst week of my life. And nearly burn my kitchen down."

"When you put it that way..." he said softly, looking down at the floor. His hair fell into his eyes endearingly. "Ollie called me last night."

"He said he would."

"He put some things in perspective for me and... Here I am, I guess," he said, pointing to himself. 

"And what was that?" I asked, starting to get frustrated - not with him but with myself because of how quickly my anger was disappearing. 

"I love you."

The whole world stopped. 

I was quiet for a few moments as I just stared at him, trying to take in what he'd just said. 

"Sorry?" I asked, just wanting to hear it again in case I'd heard wrong. 

"I love you," he repeated quietly, softly... 
Sincerely
. 

I had to take a deep breath to stop from passing out. Jesus... He really had said it... This was unbelievable. I thought hell would freeze over before I heard those words from him. I opened my mouth to reply before last night came rushing back to me, the look on his face with his wet lips while he... did 
things
 to that girl. 

"What about last night?" I questioned, trying to make my voice hard, harsh. "And the night before? Or how about this past week? How many people have you slept with? How many people have you 
fucked 
in the bed I lost my virginity in?!" I shouted suddenly, my anger taking over for a moment. 

He shrunk in on himself and rubbed at his arm self-consciously. He looked down at the floor as if it held the answers he was trying to find. 

"I... I haven't had sex with anyone."

I scoffed and turned to leave but he suddenly came forward and grabbed my wrist. The same spark that usually came with his touch hit me again and I let out a shaky breath. God, I'd missed his touch... Despite that, I forced myself to stay facing forward so I couldn't look at him. 

"I haven't. I couldn't. I tried to do a shoot for Rob and it just... I couldn't do it. I've hardly been home all week. Everything reminds me of you, of your laugh, your smile, the way you blush when you giggle and... Hell, even my bed smells of you. I couldn't deal with it, so many memories of something that I'd ruined," he admitted quietly. 

Jay wasn't trying to make me face him, he wasn't even gripping my wrist. My hand around my arm was loose; I could easily pull away from him if I wanted to but I knew we both just needed the connection, the touch to remind ourselves that we weren't alone. 

"And even all around my favourite places, there's still memories of you and it... It hurts 
so much
 that I just wanted it to go away. So I drank, a lot. Tried to make myself forget with sex but... Every man I see, I see you, and even women... The little mannerisms, the way you scrunch up your nose slightly when you're trying not to laugh. I couldn't not see it in everyone I found."

"Then how many girls have there been?" I asked, trying not to cry now. 

"Four," he admitted quietly. "Some of my friends."

"And what have you been doing with them?"

He hesitated. "Do you really want the details?"

Sighing, I tugged my wrist from his grip but turned around to face him. When I realised how close he was, I stepped back. I looked up at him quietly. He looked about as bad as I did. His cheekbones were beginning to show and he had purple bags around his eyes. I sighed and rubbed my hands over my face. 

"Jay..." I whispered, trying to think of a reason to tell him to get out. 

"I'm so sorry, Kaidan. Since last week I've been going back to my psychiatrist," he said quietly, as if that was supposed to sway my decision. 

I frowned and looked up at him. "Why does that matter?"

He blinked in surprise as if he hadn't expected that. "I... It means I'm getting help. And... This morning, I... I gave Rob my resignation..."

My mouth fell open in a silent gasp. He'd what?! Wow...

"You... Seriously?" He nodded silently. "Jesus, I... Are you trying to guilt me?"

"What?" he asked, shocked with wide eyes. He shook his head quickly. "I'd never do that, Kaidan. I couldn't do that to you."

"You've managed to do a lot of other things to me," I pointed out, crossing my arms to try and hide the shaking in my hands. 

He hung his head in shame. "I know. I don't know if there's anything I can do to fix it, but... I want to. I said that I didn't know what this was between us, and I still don't, but... I'd like to give something a try."

"Is that your way of asking me to go out with you?"

"I..." He blushed pink. "I guess it is."

There was a part of me that wanted to jump into his arms and kiss him, screaming 'yes'. But then there was the realistic part that reminded me of what he'd been doing this week. He said he was sorry and, God, he even tried to make me breakfast. 

"Jay..."

"That's the voice that comes before a no," he said, nodding as he stepped back. "I don't deserve any better."

"No, you don't," I admitted. "But... I love you too, as much as I hate myself for it right now."

"So that's a yes...?" he asked shyly, still blushing slightly. 

"It's not a no," I conceded. "But this has to be slow. I don't want this to be us fucking like bunnies until we're sick of each other."

He nodded furiously. "I don't want that. I don't want sex, Kaidan. I just want you," he whispered, staring at me. 

Suddenly the distance between us - which was only a couple of feet - felt like a chasm. I stepped forward and threw my arms around him. His heat in my arms felt so good, at last, that I wanted to cry, which I did. Sniffling, I smiled a little when he hugged me back, gripping tightly to the back of my shirt. 

"I've missed you so much," he said softly, hiding his face in my hair. 

I sniffed, nodding slightly. "I've missed you too."

"You've lost weight," he noted, stepping back to look at me. "Have you eaten anything at all?"

I shrugged slightly and looked away at the guilty tone in his voice. He took my hand and pulled me to the small table, sitting me down in one of the two chairs. He went to the counter and put some bread in the toaster. 

"Toast, I can do," he said, throwing a sheepish smile my way. 

I couldn't help smiling back slightly. "Maybe I should teach you how to cook."

"Or maybe not. You once threatened to subject me to your cooking if I didn't do as I was told."

"That's with 
your
 oven," I pointed out, feeling more comfortable already. "My cooker may be shitty but it works, and I know how to use it."

"Sure thing, babe," he grinned. 

The nickname took me aback but warmed my heart. It'd be like stepping on eggshells for a little while: awkward, unsure, but once that stage was over and I trusted him again... Who knows what could happen?

He slathered butter on the toast when it popped, just how I liked it, and brought it over to me, setting it down with a flourish. I blushed and thanked him quietly, picking up a piece and biting into it. He sat opposite, resting his cheek on his hand as he watched me. He had a little, happy smile on his lips. 

"So what are we?" I asked between bites, trying - and failing - to keep my voice casual. 

"I don't know," he admitted. "We're taking it slow, so... Maybe we're dating? We can be whatever you want us to be, kitten."

"Maybe we should let up a list of rules like Ollie and Finn," I joked, taking another bite. 

He got up suddenly and grabbed the notebook from the side and a pen from somewhere on the counter. When he came back, he pulled his chair round to my side and sat on it backwards, straddling it. He set the paper on the table and drew a table with our names in the top. 

"Jay, I was joking," I pointed out. 

"Well I'm not. I want this to be perfect. Clean state, if that's possible."

"Hi, I'm Kaidan," I said, humouring him. 

He grinned widely. "Hi, Kaidan. I'm Jay, but you can call me Jaimie when you're angry with me."

I smiled, looking down at the piece of paper. "I want to be exclusive," I blurted out before I could stop it. 

He just nodded and wrote down in both of our columns: 'No sleeping around/flirting/seeing other people etc'

"Flirting is fine, Jay," I assured, knowing how he liked to flirt with people. 

He shook his head. "Not for me. I want to be solely focused on you, not checking out other people."

"How about you can check people out as well as we can check them out together?" I suggested teasingly, though knowing he'd take it seriously. 

He grinned and nodded, writing that down too. Without me even saying anything, he added to his list, 'No porn'. I smiled happily, knowing how much it would have taken him to give that up. I reached over, ignoring my buttery fingers, and stroked his hair softly. It was just as soft as it always was. He looked up at me curiously, though smiling. I smiled back and hesitated before leaning forward and kissing his cheek gently. 

Jay's grin widened even further as he took the hand that was stroking through his hair, kissing the back of it. I blushed happily. As cliche and silly as it was, I was remotely happy again. It wouldn't be an easy road but it was a step in the right direction.

(A/N EEEEEK! OUR BABIES ARE OKAY NOW THIS CHAPTER MADE ME SO HAPPY ITS HONESTLY RIDICULOUS.
 
Okay, Caps lock off now. I hope you love this chapter as much as I do. Chapter dedicated to Anonymous-Me. Hope Jay's apology is good enough for you ;) ~Beka)

# Chapter Sixty-Five

"Do you want to do something today?" Jay asked, standing and taking my empty plate to the sink, setting it in. "Do you have college?"

"I do, but... I'd rather spend the day with you," I murmured, playing with the pen he'd set down. 

He came down, stroking the back of my head as he sat down in the chair again, which was still the wrong way around and forced Jay to spread his legs to sit comfortably. I couldn't help but look over him slowly. He'd not changed much, except for the bit of weight loss only evident in the new slight gauntness of his face. He didn't have any makeup on, not even any concealer so lots of his variety little scars were on show. There were a few acne scars across his cheeks, a chicken pox hollow by his eyebrow and something much thinner, fainter, that went right across his cheek to his nose. I'd never even noticed that before. I reached up absentmindedly and stroked along it. He let out a sudden shaky breath and closed his eyes. 

Frowning slightly, I stood and pulled his shirt off over his head. I knelt down and touched along all of the other long, thin scars that stretched over is skin in rows and columns. 

"Where are these from?" I asked quietly, looking up at him. 

He didn't even hesitate in his response. "My dad," he said softly, stroking my hair. 

"What did he do?" I asked, my voice a mixture of curiosity and anger. 

"He locked me in a cage and heated the bars. I fought back a bit too hard and that was my punishment..."

"Oh, Jay," I whispered, leaning forward to kiss them softly. He kept quiet until I was satisfied that I'd kissed each and every one of them, ending with the one on his face. "How old were you then?"

"Thirteen," he said, looking at me curiously.

"Three years?!" I exclaimed suddenly. "He raped you for 
three years?
"

"Three and a half," he said with a small dismissive shrug. "He was arrested on the nineteenth of February, 2000. The day after my fourteenth birthday..."

"Oh, darling..." I said gently, cupping his face. 

"You care so much," he noted, barely above a whisper. 

"I love you," I answered easily, so happy that I didn't have to worry about it slipping out, that he now knew about my feelings and returned them. Enough to quit porn... 

"I love you too," he admitted, a small smile gracing his lips. "So much that I just want to take you away and never let anyone else touch you ever again."

I couldn't help a small giggle as he ran his nose along the length of mine in a sweet little Eskimo kiss. 

"You're adorable," he said, resting his forehead against mine and closing his eyes. "Where have you been all my life?"

"Waiting for you," I replied. 

He chuckled softly and sighed slightly. I opened my eyes, thinking it was a sad sigh, but I don't think I'd ever seen him look more content than he did right now. 

"You're beautiful," I murmured. 

His eyes flicked open, his strangely long eyelashes brushing over mine. He smiled slightly and hesitated before leaning forward and kissing my lips gently. I kissed him back happily, playing in the hair at the nape of his neck. He hummed happily, drawing me closer against him. The feeling of our chests pressing together reminded me that I was still in the clothes I'd worn last night. I pulled back briefly to tug my top off over my head. 

"Kay," he gasped fearfully, grabbing onto my wrists to try and stop me. 

"It's fine. Just this... I just want to touch you, okay?"

"No further?" he asked quietly, looking dubious. I smiled happily at the proof of Jay's wish to take this slow. 

"No further," I agreed happily with a solemn nod. 

He relaxed again and leant over the back of the chair awkwardly to kiss me. I knelt up again to make it easier for him. Slowly, he stood, keeping our lips attached as best as he could as he turned the chair around so he was sat on it properly. He pulled me up so I was sat in his lap. My toes hardly touched the floor where my calves hung off the chair behind Jay. 

"I love you, Kaidan," he whispered, brushing his lips along my jaw to my earlobe, which he nibbled and sucked at slightly. 

I moaned slightly, gripping onto his hair again. "I love you too," I gasped out, my heart beginning to speed up already. 

When the door was suddenly thrown up, I practically screamed in surprise, pushing away from Jay. He tried to catch me before I fell but I hit the ground hard. Unfortunately, my elbow broke my fall and I yelped in pain, rolling over onto my side. 

"Kaidan!" Jay exclaimed, kneeling down beside me, completely ignoring whoever had just entered the kitchen. "Are you hurt? Are you okay?"

I couldn't help smiling slightly as he rushed to my aid like I was a damsel in distress. 

"Um," said Sam's voice from near the door. "Oops?"

"You fucking dick," I gasped out at him, letting Jay cradle me against him slightly.

"In my defence, I thought you were watching porn or something," he said, holding his hands up. 

"That is really not a good defence," Jay chuckled against my neck, rubbing my elbow comfortingly. 

"So who's this and why's he shirtless?" Sam asked, going to the fridge and looking through it as if he lived here. 

"Oh, uh... Sam, this is Jay. Jay, this is my best friend Sam," I said awkwardly, waiting for Sam's outburst. Suprisingly, there wasn't one. 

Instead of shouting and calling me an idiot, he just slowly shut the fridge door and turned to look at me as if I was crazy. And then there is was. 

"This is the dick who broke your heart?!" he shouted loudly, pointing accusingly at Jay. 

Jay tucked his face into my neck, curling around me slightly. I'd noticed that he didn't do well around shouting, unless it was Finn. I laced my fingers through his wordlessly, trying to comfort him. His grip on me was tight, panicked, like a small terrified child clinging onto a parent. 

"Stop shouting," I said firmly to Sam. He seemed taken aback. 

"Right. What's he doing here anyway?"

"I rang Ollie last night, Ollie rang Jay, Jay nearly burnt my kitchen down and now everything's fine," I said with a sigh, not wanting to go through everything. 

"An interesting way to sum things up," Jay murmured against my skin. 

I smacked his arm lightly. "Oh shut up, idiot."

"Seriously though, what's going on?" Sam asked frustratedly. 

"He's apologised, we've talked, and everything's fine. Shall I introduce you properly? Sam, this is my boyfriend, Jay."

I could feel Jay smile happily against my shoulder. I squeezed his hand in response, glad that the B word made him as happy as it made me. 

"
Right
... Okay," he said, clearly not understanding. 

I sighed. "Sam, you know I love him; I'm not going to argue with you."

"And what about you?" It took me a minute to realise he was addressing Jay. Jay just nodded, trying to hide behind me more. Was he intimidated by Sam? "Say it."

"I love him," Jay said quietly.

"Alright," Sam said, sounding more like his normal, chirpy self. "Have fun, don't get pregnant. Oh, and if you hurt him again, I will personally rip off your testicles and feed to a load of wolves. Have fun!" 

Then he was gone. 

"Sorry about that," I said quietly, turning around in his lap so I was straddling him. He couldn't have been comfortable on the floor but he didn't complain. 

"That's alright," he said, sounding more like his usual self. "I have an idea of what we could do today."

"Oh yeah? And what's that?" I asked, absentmindedly stroking over the slight stubble on his chin. 

"I want to get a tattoo," he said suddenly. 

I groaned, leaning back slightly. "We are not being one of those couples that gets each other's name tattooed on our arm or something," I said firmly, looking at him. 

He laughed and shook his head, nudging his nose against mine again. "Hashtag, Jaidan is life."

I just raised my eyebrow at him. "Seriously? Just... No. Never hashtag again, seriously."

Laughing loudly, he grinned a beautiful smile that warmed my heart. 

"I mean it though. I want a tattoo. Something that says goodbye to Jay and hello to Jaimie again. A fresh start."

I smiled slightly, stroking his cheek. My elbow was aching horribly but the pain was worth it for the happy look on his face when I wrapped my arms around his neck. 

"Like what?" I asked. "Where would you get it?"

He looked thoughtful before replying. "Maybe something on my wrist... I used to have a stage name when I first started out. Maybe, 'rest in peace', or something. Symbolise my birth as a proper human being."

I smiled and kissed his cheek softly while I pulled his phone out of his pocket and stood. I took his hand and led him into the living room. Pushing him down onto the sofa, I sat in his lap again, unlocking his phone without even thinking that he might have changed his passcode. He stroked my hip quietly with his thumb. The skin contact felt amazing; I sighed happily and snuggled against him more. 

"What are you doing?" he asked curiously when I opened the internet. 

"Looking for ideas for your tattoo, if we're going to go get one done."

He hummed slightly in response, kissing at my neck as I scrolled through a load of pictures. I giggled suddenly when he sucked at a sensitive spot on my neck. 

"You'd look really cute with a lip piercing, you know?" he murmured, nuzzling at a spot behind my ear. 

I just rolled my eyes and kept scrolling through ideas. 

"What about this? It's a quote from Maya Angelou, she's amazing."

"Read it to me?" He was still busy kissing and sucking at my neck.

"'I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it'. What do you think?"

"I like it... It's nice," he said thoughtfully.

"What was your stage name?" I asked, looking up at him.

He blushed shyly, peeking up at me. "Promise not to laugh?"

"Why would I laugh at you, darling? It can't be that bad. Come on, tell me."

"September Celeste," he murmured quietly. I raised an eyebrow at him quietly. "See? You're laughing!"

"I'm not!" I grinned, turning around to straddle him, trying to make him look at me. "I'm not laughing, I promise. How did you come up with that?"

"I don't remember. It was a long time ago. I stopped using it when I decided there was no point in trying to have a normal life."

"When did you first start calling yourself Jay?" I asked curiously, stroking his cheek. 

He looked thoughtful for a moment. "I'm not sure. My dad always called me by my full name and I always used to freak out when anyone called me that. I think people were just looking for something else to call me. I think Finn started it really."

"How come you don't mind when Finn shouts but if it's anyone else you get really scared?" I was quiet in my question, not wanting to upset him. 

"You've noticed that, huh?" he asked, sounding ashamed. "Well... Finn and I, we have a bit of history. A lot of history. You know most of it but there's some not even Ollie knows."

"You don't have to tell me," I said quickly before he said something that he wanted to keep a secret. 

He shook his head. "You deserve to know everything, Kaidan. You're important to me. Basically, Finn and I were fuck buddies for a little while when we were teenagers, and we even went out for a bit."

My eyes went wide as I looked at him. I don't know what I'd been expecting but it certainly wasn't that. 

"Don't look so shocked, babe," he chuckled softly. "You don't honestly think I'd pass up on a chance to sleep with a hot, gay guy who also just wanted to try things out? Apparently I helped Finn realise that he was a Dominant."

"Did you ever let him top you?" I asked curiously. 

He scoffed. "No, babe. You were my first. There are other ways of topping people without being the one doing the fucking. I just presented Finn with a little bit of a challenge."

I laughed a little. I could imagine that. Even now, Jay was basically Finn's baby; he was always cleaning up after him, sorting things out for him, anything he needed. Thinking about them in a relationship didn't make me jealous like I thought it would, it was actually kind of hot...

"I know that look," Jay said with a grin. "That's the look of 'Oh my God, I really want to see them fucking'."

I blushed slightly, peeking up at him. "Guilty," I admitted. 

He chuckled softly, kissing me. "As far as I'm aware, the offer of a foursome with my best friends still stands."

"Our best friends," I corrected. 

He grinned and nodded happily. "Ours."

(A/N Oh Jay, you do make me laugh. I love our little babies. Chapter dedicated to lilybee28 for crying happy tears over the last chapter! The photo to the side is my idea for Jay's tattoos bc tattoos are hot and I think it would be a good way for him to start healing from what his dad did and the type of life he's been leading. Let me know what you think! :D ~Beka)

# Chapter Sixty-Six

Jay and I sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. He was still kissing and licking at my neck gently; there was nothing sexual or needy about it, it was just as if he was reminding himself I was real. 

"I love you, Kaidan," he murmured against my shoulder, rubbing his nose against one of the little marks he'd given me. 

"I'm never going to get tired of hearing you say that," I whispered, closing my eyes briefly. "I love you too."

"When I was younger..." he said thoughtfully, "I promised myself that I'd never fall in love, that I'd never have a proper relationship. I didn't want to have someone rely on me, let alone have to rely on them."

"What changed?"

"You," he said, looking up at me. "You were different from the beginning, made me feel... 
things
. Things that I didn't want to feel."

"Do you regret taking me on?" I asked hesitantly, unsure whether I wanted to hear the answer.

"God, no," he chuckled, kissing me gently. "The only thing I regret is being such a dick to you... You don't deserve that."

"I understand why you did it," I told him with a little shrug."It's okay."

He nodded slightly and tightened his arms around me, pulling me flush against him. 

"So, are we going to go and get this tattoo? I'm hungry so we could go for breakfast too," I said, stroking his hair happily. 

He nodded in the crook of my neck and released me so I could get up. He held my hand as I stood, making me roll my eyes.

"I won't be long, I just need to get dressed," I said, trying to make him let go of me. 

"Can't I come with you?" he asked with a pout. 

I laughed slightly and nodded. He grinned widely and jumped up, sweeping me up in his arms suddenly. He headed through the hall to the bedroom.

"Jay!" I exclaimed, grabbing onto him. "Put me down!"

"Alright," he said with a cheeky grin as he dropped me onto the bed.

"You're a pain in the arse sometimes," I grumbled as I bounced on the creaking mattress.

"Only in yours," he teased, still grinning like an idiot as he crawled on top of me. 

I laughed and put my hands on his thighs when he sat back, straddling my hips. He was quiet for a few moments and looked thoughtful, trailing his fingertips over my still bare chest.

"What's wrong?" I asked, stroking over his legs. 

"I'm just thinking," he admitted with a shy smile.

"About what? You can't say that with a face like that and think I won't force you to tell me."

He smiled to himself, looking away briefly as if he was nervous. "I want you to move in with me."

I froze in surprise, staring up at him. Had he really...? But... Oh my God.

"I know this its quick and we said we'd take things slow but... I just don't want you to leave me and..."

"You think if we lived together, I wouldn't?" I guessed, finishing the sentence for him.

He nodded quietly. I reached up, taking hold of his face, and pulled him down to kiss me. He didn't hesitate in this, there was no shyness; he knew what he was doing here but feelings and emotions were an uncharted territory for him, something he'd never done before. I just wanted to bring him back to where he was comfortable. 

"Not yet," I said, stroking his cheeks with my thumbs. He nodded again. "Think about it more, okay? Besides, we need to make sure its something we want and we're ready for before we do something like that."

"I just wanted to tell you, it wasn't a 'move in with me today or I'll hate you' sort of thing," he joked with a small shrug. 

I grinned up at him, a grin which only widened at his answering smile. "It's nearly the holidays soon, and then we can spend as much time together as we want, if I haven't flunked by then."

"You won't, silly," he assured, smiling down at me. 

"My grades aren't great at the moment. There was some hot stripper taking up all of my time."

He laughed, grinning widely. "Was he worth it?"

"Definitely," I breathed, looking at him. 

He blushed slightly, biting his lip, before he lay down beside me, resting his head on my chest and putting his arms around my waist. 

"Good," he murmured, snuggling closer. 

"Speaking of said hot stripper, how's work been?" I asked, trailing my fingers through his hair, over his arm, anywhere I could reach. 

"I've not been doing much this week. Mina tried to talk to me the other day, said you'd been avoiding her," he said, looking at me. 

"I was scared she'd ask about you and then I'd have to remember everything..." I admitted quietly.

He nodded understandingly and rested his head back on me. "I have a show tomorrow if you want to join me. Nick got some really good feedback about us and he's been nagging me. I kind of punched him..."

"Of course you did." I rolled my eyes. 

"Hey, it's not my fault he doesn't know when to shut up. I, uh... I heard from Corey this week."

"Corey?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him. 

"My dick friend who kept insulting you until you basically told him to leave."

"Oh. 
Him
."

"Yeah, him... He's trying to blackmail me," he admitted quietly. 

I sat up quickly, ignoring the slight gasp Jay gave when he fell off me. "He 
what
, sorry?"

"He wants money, or he'll start an appeal to free my dad."

"That... That wouldn't work, would it? I mean, don't they have proof and shit?"

"Kaidan, they found his come all up inside me, they have a testimony from my mother and physical evidence of abuse from my doctor and teachers. They know he did it."

"Then what's the point? They won't release him, so what's Corey even trying to do?"

He sighed, sitting up and crossing his legs. "He's a lawyer, he'll find a way. I think there was also some threat about framing me for prostitution. I just wish I'd listened to Finn earlier. Hearing Finn say 'I told you so' is actually painful because he's not even smug about it."

"What are you going to do?" I asked quietly, trying not to panic. 

"I don't know," he admitted. "I have an appointment with my psych tomorrow, hopefully she's got some decent advice..."

"Can't you tell someone? Blackmail is a serious thing."

"I don't even have any proof and besides, who's word are they going to believe? I'm a lowly stripper and ex-porn star, but he's got a degree in law and all that shit. I didn't even finish school, Kaidan. They won't believe me."

"Isn't it worth a try?" I asked quietly, reaching out to touch his cheek. Instead of jerking his face away like I thought he would, he leant into the touch. 

"What's the point? I'm not giving him the money. Besides, we can always run away to Brazil or something."

"'We'?" I asked, smiling bemusedly. 

"You think I'm leaving you here? No, kitten, you'd be coming with me."

"I think that's kidnapping," I pointed out. 

He smiled wickedly. "I'd make you want to come with me," he promised, a dark undertone to his voice. 

I took a sudden, shaky breath, leaning back when he suddenly felt so close. "And how would you do that?" I asked. 

"I have my ways," he said cryptically.

Jay leaned closer until I could feel his breath hitting my face, my eyes wide. I felt like a rabbit trapped in the jaws of a fox; I was just waiting for him to make a move and there was no way I was escaping. I wouldn't admit it to him, but I didn't really want to escape. 

Suddenly he grabbed hold of my ankles and tugged so I was on my back. I gasped in surprise, wriggling slightly. I was stopped when Jay crawled over me, his lean muscles rolling under his skin like a leopard stalking its prey. I looked up at him with wide eyes, unable to stop him. He smirked slightly and looking over my body slowly. He set his hands on my stomach, scraping slightly with his blunt nails. 

I gasped and arched up into him. "Jay..."

"Yes, Kaidan?" he asked teasingly. 

"What happened to slow?" I asked, my breathing picking up as he slowly kissed along my jaw. 

"Do you want to stop?" he asked, seriously, hesitating before his lips could touch my neck. 

"God, no," I admitted in a breath. 

He grinned widely and kissed me deeply, pushing his tongue into my mouth. I moaned slightly, grabbing onto his hair as I kissed him back. He hummed happily at the tight grip I had on his hair. 

I couldn't help it when I parted my legs around him. He thanked me with a slow drag of his tongue against mine. I moaned again, arching up to him. I could feel his growing erection pressed right against mine and, fuck, that was hot. I tugged on his hair hard so he'd pull away from me. The moment he did - with a loud, shaky moan, I'm proud to say - my lips were on his neck, searching messily for the spot that I knew had him mewling and writhing. When I finally found it, he whimpered in pleasure, tilting his neck to give me a better angle. I nipped at him with my teeth, making him gasp. 

Still holding his hair tightly in one hand, my other hand snaked down his spine to his jeans. They weren't the ridiculously tight skinny jeans he usually wore, thankfully, so I could easily (well, almost easily) slip my hand into them. 

"You're not wearing any boxers," I whispered against his skin as I felt the gorgeously smooth skin of his arse. 

"Underwear is overrated," he said breathlessly. 

I couldn't help laughing. I pushed his jeans down to just below his arse before letting go of his hair and squeezing him with both hands. He moaned slightly, resting his head on my shoulder. I nipped at his ear slightly. 

"You have an amazing butt," I said with a small grin. 

"Glad you think so," he said shakily, though the teasing humour in his voice was still there. 

Jay kissed me again, stroking my tongue with his before he opened his mouth to me, inviting me in. I took the opportunity, making him moan slightly. The idea that he was so happy for me to take over like this made this even hotter. He was happy for me to do what I wanted with him. He 
trusted
 me to do what I wanted with him. 

"I love you," he gasped raggedly when we had to pull away for air. 

"Love you too," I said quietly, looking up at him. 

His expression was so open, so happy that I just wanted to hold him and never let go. 

"I need to shower," I said after a few moments, my breathing slowing down. 

"Can I join you?" he asked, nuzzling at my neck. 

"You're not going to be leaving me alone now, are you?"

He grinned and shook his head slightly. "Fine by me," I said, kissing his hair.

We lay like that for a little while, my hands resting lightly on his arse and his face buried in my neck. I couldn't help my wide, happy smile. I don't think my life had ever been better than this. 

"My butt's cold," Jay suddenly said. 

(A/N Hehe! I've been dying to write a sexy scene between our boys but this will have to do for now ;D Let me know what you think. Picture to the side is Kaidan's actor with a lip piercing, like Jay suggested. What do you think? Should he get it? I think lip piercings are really hot... Chapter dedicated to Tamsyn24 for imagining tattooed Jay with me. Now, lets all imagine that mental image.. Mm... Yum ~

# Chapter Sixty-Seven

"If you're butt's cold, get off me and do something about it," I said with a grin. 

"But I'm comfortable on you, boo," he pouted, looking at me. 

"You really do love nicknames, don't you?" 

"I like making people feel special. Especially you, Kay," he muttered, as if he was embarrassed. 

"You're so sweet," I chuckled softly. "But I really do need to shower, then we can go into town."

"Fine," he mumbled with a pout, rolling off me. 

Standing, I stretched slightly and headed into the bathroom, leaving the door open as an invitation for Jay to follow me. I moved around the small tiled room, gettings things for my shower. I needed more shampoo... I'd have to go to the shop while we were in town, I decided with a sigh. 

"Don't sigh like that, it makes you sound really sad," Jay said from by the door. 

I turned to look at him, gasping and blushing in surprise. He was completely naked, leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed. I bit my lip and turned back to turn the shower on, beginning to strip too. 

"You don't mind me showering with you, do you?" he asked, coming over. He absentmindedly stroked a hand over my back as he stood beside me. 

I shook my head, peeking up at him again for just a moment. He smiled happily and leaned down to plant a soft kiss on my lips. 

"If there ever is anything you don't want to do, no matter what it is, you say no, okay?" he said, pinning me with a fierce look. I nodded, swallowing slightly. "Say it, Kaidan. I need to hear you say it."

"I'll tell you if I want you to stop," I assured him, nodding again.

He relaxed, shoulders sagging slightly in relief. I leaned up to kiss him softly before getting in the shower, ignoring the shiver the chilled water sent through me. Jay moved to follow but yelped when he put his hand under the water. 

"Kaidan, that's fucking 
freezing
," he squealed, sounding like a little girl. 

I rolled my eyes. "Don't be melodramatic. It's cold, not freezing."

"Do you always shower like this?"

"Hot water costs money," I said with a small shrug. 

"You can't be serious."

I shrugged again, reaching for the little bit of shampoo that was left in the bottle. Jay took it before I could get it. He stepped into the shower again and sat cross-legged on the floor. 

"Um, Jay?" I asked, confused as to what he was doing. 

"Just sit down, silly," he said, patting his lap. 

I slowly did as he said, leaning back against him. The heat of his chest was practically burning in comparison with the water. I shivered at the contrast and shuffled closer to him. He kissed my shoulder slightly and squirted the remains of the shampoo into his hands before moving to massage it into my head. I would have purred at how good it felt. 

"You like that?" he asked hesitantly, a small smile on his lips when he kissed my neck. 

I just hummed, relaxing under his hands. He kept going far longer than he needed to but I didn't complain; it felt really good. When he let the water wash the shampoo away, I pouted slightly. He chuckled softly and picked up the body wash. I needed more of that, too. 

"I need to go shopping while we're out too," I said as he rubbed my arms with the soap. 

"Yeah? What for?"

"Shower shit, and food. Maybe some other stuff."

"Alright," he said simply and went back to rubbing the soap all over my body.

Suddenly his hands were on my shoulders and he was massaging out all the knots that this past week had left me with. I groaned slightly, letting my head fall forward. He grinned again. 

"It seems you enjoy me touching you as much as I enjoy doing the touching," he teased, kissing along my shoulders and the back of my neck. 

"Shut up," I said, a slight blush spreading over my cheeks. 

"Kaidan...?" he asked hesitantly, though the rhythm he'd set up with his hands didn't falter. 

"Hm?" was all I could say in response. 

"Do you, uh... In fact, never mind," he said quickly.

I frowned and turned my head to look up at him, ignoring the water droplets hitting my face and clinging to my eyelashes. 

"No, what is it?" I asked, reaching up to hold his hair so he had to look at me. 

He blushed pink and glanced away briefly. Now I was really intrigued. Anything that could make Jay blush was bound to be interesting. 

"I, um... You know how I love you? I... I want a cat!" he blurted suddenly, grinning widely. He was clearly covering. 

I looked at him blankly for a minute before I turned around to straddle him again. "That's not what you were going to say. So tell me, or I'll tickle it out of you."

"I'm not ticklish," he grumbled petulantly. "Okay, it wasn't what I was going to say but I still want a cat."

"Well I want a giant dragon, but we don't all get what we want, do we?" I said with a grin. "So tell me. What were you going to ask?"

"Do you want to, uh... go shopping? For toys," he murmured, blushing a bright red. 

I looked at him for a minute before I burst out laughing. I'd never expected him to get so worked up over something like that. I was the one that got all flustered at red when talking about anything sexual. 

"Stop laughing at me," he mumbled with a pout, poking me in the side. 

"Okay, I'm sorry, I'll stop," I promised, still chuckling. "If you know somewhere, we can go and have a look. Okay?"

He peeked up at me with a small, tentative smile. I grinned, trying not to laugh again. Instead, I leaned down to kiss him softly, a kiss which he whole-heartedly returned. 

"So why can't I get a cat?" he asked with a little grin, acting more like his usual self. 

"I'm allergic."

"A dog?"

"You'd get bored of looking after it."

"A rabbit?"

"Seriously?" I asked, unable to stop my eyebrow from raising. 

He blushed again. "I like rabbits, okay?"

"If you want to get a rabbit, you can get a rabbit."

"I want it to be ours. Our rabbit..."

"We are 
not
 calling it Jaidan," I said, pointing a finger in his face. 

***

"So what's the plan?" Jay asked, holding my hand as we walked through the town centre. 

"Eat, get your tattoo done, go shopping, go home," I said, going through the list of things I needed from the shop in my head. 

"Alright. I'm starving so let's just go to McDonald's."

"Seriously, how are you so skinny?" I asked rhetorically, rolling my eyes. 

"It's all that pole dancing, darling," he answered with a wide grin, bumping his hip against mine. 

I just laughed and moved a bit closer to him, resting my head on his arm as we walked. 

"You're too tall," I grumbled as we went into McDonald's.

Jay chuckled slightly, pointing towards an empty. 

"Can I have--"

"Chicken nuggets, medium fries and a lemonade," he said easily without even a teasing grin. 

I blushed and nodded, hurrying over to the empty table before I threw my arms around him and kissed him hard. All for remembering my McDonald's order... I didn't even know what he had, which made me feel a little guilty. It was only a minute later that Jay was coming over with a tray and divvying up the food. He had a cheeseburger, large fries and milkshake; I'd have to remember that. Jay hummed happily as he picked up the burger and took a big bite of it. I rolled my eyes and dipped the first nugget in ketchup. 

"Do you ever wish that you didn't have to eat? It takes so much effort," he said before having some of the milkshake. 

I just looked at him for a moment. He wasn't even joking. 

"You love eating," I pointed out.

"Yeah, but time spent eating could be spent doing something more important," he explained with a shrug. 

"You're kidding me. Jay, you spend your time eating, sleeping and fucking. What could you do that would possibly be more important?"

"I take offense to that. Sometimes I socialise too."

I grinned slightly and shook my head. This was an argument I clearly wasn't going get to a) win or b) get to the bottom of. He just shrugged again as he'd given up with me. We ate quietly, though we spent most of the time playing footsie under the table. Jay finished first, as usual, and crossed his arms, resting them on the table and then putting his head on his arms. He looked up at me quietly. 

"I love you," he said again.

"So you say. It's a good job I love you too. You say it at the most random times."

"I just spend a lot of time thinking about how lucky I am that you took me back. I was surprised that you did," he admitted quietly. "I wouldn't have taken me back."

"That's because you think you're a worthless piece of shit," I reminded him casually, dipping another fry in ketchup. 

"My psych keeps saying that," he said with a frown as if he didn't see why she did. 

"Jaimie," I said, catching his attention again, "everyone says that. Because you do, and you shouldn't."

"But--"

"No. No arguments. You're not worthless; you don't deserve everything that happened; you are allowed to be happy."

He was quiet for a few moments as he looked at me. He didn't seem angry or upset, just... curious. "You and Mar would get on well," he mused quietly. 

"Who?" I asked, finishing my drink. 

"Doctor Marlow," he explained. I assumed that was his psychiatrist. "Ready to go?"

"Someone's keen," I teased but nodded and stood.

"Nervous," he admitted with a shy smile. 

"Aw, darling," I grinned, kissing his cheek as I took his hand. "I'll hold your hands still."

"I'd much rather be doing something else with them," he pouted.

I just laughed and pulled him out of the restaurant - if McDonald's could be called that. 

"Not in front of others," I admonished half-heartedly.

"What about Finn and Ollie? Finn was looking forward to surprising him for their anniversary, but it's up to you."

"When is their anniversary?" I asked, looking up at him. 

"Twenty-fifth. Next Thursday. So what do you want to do? You and Ollie are hot separately, imagine what the two of you together would look like."

"Is this an excuse to get it on with Finn?" I teased, remembering what he'd said earlier about the history that he had with Finn. 

Jay laughed and rolled his eyes. "Don't be ridiculous. If I wanted to sleep with Finn, I'd just ask."

"I swear, they're your parents. Ollie is definitely the woman."

"Gay couples can be parents too," he pointed. 

"If we have a child, we are 
not
 calling it Jaidan."

***

"I'm really nervous now," Jay said, bouncing his legs up and down on the linoleum floor of the tattoo parlour as we waited to be seen. 

"Seriously, stop," I ordered, putting my hands on his knees to hold them down. 

"I can't help it!" 

I looked around the shop quickly. There was a guy coming in with full sleeves of tattoos and it looked like they went across his chest as well.

"Jay, look," I said, pointing to the guy, not really caring whether he thought it was rude or not. "That guy is covered. You're getting two tiny little things on your wrists, it can't hurt that much and it really won't take that long."

"How do you know?" he said with an unhappy scowl, though it wasn't really aimed at me. 

"I did some research while you spent ages doing your hair. If you cry and whine more than I did during our first time, I will literally give you a blowjob whenever you want. For a week."

He stopped now, looking at me and narrowing his eyes cautiously. I was trying not to grin at his suspicion but it was actually kind of cute and seemed to make him calm down slightly. 

"Deal?" I asked, offering him my hand. 

He looked at me quietly for a few more moments before shaking my hand.

"Deal," he agreed. 

It was then that the tattoo artist came out. Jesus, she was hot. Even as a gay guy, I could see how hot she was. Jay whined suddenly and buried his face in my neck. Clearly he could see how hot she was too. The woman looked a little confused but kept the friendly smile on her face as she approached. 

"You asked for a consulting appointment?" she asked. 

Jay nodded slightly, though didn't lift his head from my shoulder. I rolled my eyes and stood up, watching him pout and stand. 

"This little idiot wants to get some tattoos on his wrist done," I said, pointing at Jay, who narrowed his eyes at me again. "Oh, don't sulk."

The artist laughed and led the way to the room she'd just come out of. I didn't really look around, instead focusing on making Jay sit in the chair in the middle of the room. It was honestly like being at the dentist with a petulant child. 

"My name's Jess. So what sort of thing were you after?" she asked him.

"Jay," he muttered. 

"I'll be his translator, shall I?" I asked with a grin, lacing my fingers through his. "This is Jay. I'm Kaidan. He wanted to get some words on his wrists, that's all."

"Nice and simple, I like it. I'm guessing he's never had a tattoo before," Jess said with a grin. 

"Is it that obvious? Have you got a piece of paper? I could draw what he wants for you. Or would you like to do it, darling?" I asked him teasingly. 

"You do it."

"Seriously, stop sulking like a baby, or we won't go shopping."

"Fine," he muttered, sitting up straighter. 

Jay took the pen and paper that was offered to him. He looked around for a flat surface before he just turned me to face away from him and used my back. He drew it quickly, soon sitting back. The feeling of the thin nib of the pen pressing against my skin was bizarre and not really an experience I was interested in having again. 

I turned back to look at what he'd drawn. There was a perfect pair of hands that flowed onto a perfect pair of wrists. Had he seriously drawn that in less than thirty seconds? 

"You never told me you could draw," I said, looking at the paper as he added a few finishing touches. 

He blushed slightly. "I sketch sometimes." He turned to the woman, Jess, and handed her back the paper and pen. "What sort of fonts do you do?"

She showed him a list of example fonts and they chatted about it for a bit before finally deciding on one that was beautiful but still legible. 

"Is it just the words you want?" she asked, looking over the design again. 

"Yeah, nothing fancy or whatever. Nice and simple," Jay said, seeming more relaxed about this than he was before. 

"Alright. If you come back in about an hour, we can start this. I have an appointment now but I'll see you straight after, alright?" Jess said with a wide smile. 

Jay nodded and stood, taking my hand again. "Thanks a lot."

I waved at her as we left. 

"So shopping first and then we'll come back," I said.

Jay nodded again and wrapped an arm around my waist to hold me close to him, pressing a kiss to my temple. 

"Thank you for calming me down," he whispered happily. 

"No problem. You really think I should get a lip piercing?" I asked, peeking up at him. 

"Definitely, but only if you want to. I just think you'd look good with one. Ooh, tongue too. Tongue piercings are so good for playing with, once they've healed."

I raised an eyebrow. "Do you have some sort of piercing fetish?"

"Maybe just a bit," he murmured, blushing again.

I laughed and kissed him again. "I'll think about it. Today, I'll get my lip and ear done, how does that sound?"

"Perfect," he breathed with a grin. "I love you, kitten."

"I love you too, Jaimie. I really need to come up with a nickname for you," I murmured unhappily.

"Anything you want, babe."

We headed to the local supermarket and Jay grabbed a basket for me, carrying it around as I dumped some necessities in it. Jay stopped as we were walking through the toiletries aisle. I didn't notice and carried on, looking at toothpaste.

"Hey, Kay?" he called to me, making me turn. 

He was grinning widely as he held up a box of condoms and a bottle of lube. I blushed pink and turned away, walking quickly so I could pretend I didn't know him. He laughed and caught up easily. 

"I'm joking, baby," he said, kissing my cheek and holding up the basket for me to put the toothpaste in. He also grabbed a toothbrush and dropped it in. "For me to leave at yours. We've already got one for you at mine."

I couldn't help my heart melting slightly at the sweet smile on his lips. I kissed him softly, stroking his cheek.

"Let's buy this and then we can go to that shop you were talking about," I whispered against his mouth. 

He grinned widely and took my hand, leading me to the checkout. He looked at me, almost daring me to object as he pulled his wallet out. I just held my hands up, giving up with trying to stop Jay from buying things for me. 

"What about food?" he asked as he handed the cash over. 

"We can get takeout tonight. My treat."

"Sounds good to me."

Jay carried the bag as we walked out of the shop, hand in hand. He led the way down a few back alleys until we came out on another main street. I looked along it briefly. I don't think I'd ever been down here before, except maybe once with Sam. A little way down the road was a 'licensed adult' shop, and it looked like Jay was leading me in that direction.

"Are you going to start blushing, babe?" he asked with a wide grin. 

"Shut up," I mumbled, though I couldn't help the slight blush beginning to peep through. 

"Got any ideas for what you want to get?"

"Of course I don't," I muttered, blushing more. 

"Good job I do." His wicked grin sent shivers of anticipation through me; I took a deep breath to stay calm. "I'll take care of you when we get home, baby."

"Promise?" I asked, making him stop. 

He looked at me curiously as I pulled him towards me, at the same time backing up against a wall. Slowly, I slid my hands up around his neck, pulling him down to kiss me. He pressed against me happily, using his hand to hold my head against the wall. 

"Promise," he whispered against me. "Lets get some toys first."

I nodded quickly and took his hand, letting him pull me into the shop a little way down the street. I looked around shyly, creeping a little closer to Jay. Thankfully, the place was mainly empty, except for a girl and the shop owner. Jay seemed to decide that we were just going to follow the aisles up and down. He grabbed a basket, looking around excitedly. 

"Oh, the things I could do to you with all these toys," he murmured, more to himself than me, though I still blushed. "Want a butt plug, boo?"

"A... what?" I asked nervously. 

He grinned widely and took a box off the shelves, showing me. "Apparently Finn likes using them with Ollie because--"

"Okay, stop right there," I interrupted quickly. "Can we not, please?"

He laughed again. "Sure thing, babe. Anyway, you can get them in different sizes. They're good for control, keeping come all up inside you..."

"Have you ever used one?"

"Only on camera," he said with a shrug. "It was good though. It was a sponsored video so I got one for free. This brand, actually."

"I've never actually watched any of your videos," I admitted. 

"Really?" He paused, thinking for a moment. "Hm... It doesn't matter anyway; I'd rather you didn't."

"How come? I might get jealous and then it could lead to awesome jealousy sex," I pointed out, grinning. 

He hesitated. "Okay, true. I'm getting you one of these anyway, I love them. They're hot, too. Can I get you one?"

Rolling my eyes, I gave in. "Alright."

He looked over the rows on the shelves before he gasped in surprise and grinned widely, reaching up to get another one.

"It's vibrating. It's large. It's perfect."

My eyes went wide at the size of it. I grabbed it from him and stared at it. 

"That won't--" I started loudly before looking around at hissing at him in a whisper: "That won't fit, Jay."

"Of course it will. You underestimate yourself."

"Smaller," I demanded, pushing it back into his hands. 

He rolled his eyes but got a medium instead. He showed it to me and waited for my approval, which came with a flushed face and a stiff nod. He grinned again and put it in the basket. Taking my hand again, he started down the aisle.

"Ooh," he said excitedly, dropping my hand and rushing to one area. 

I followed him, trying not to blush even more with what I found him admiring. 

"Jay!" I whined loudly, hiding my face in my hands. 

"What?" he asked, looking over at me as if this was completely normal. 

"That's... If you've forgotten, I cried," I reminded him.

"Yes but that was your first time."

"Jay, you want to buy a three inch extender for your cock!" I hissed at him. 

"It's for you too," he said with a small pout. "Don't knock it until you try it."

I sighed and grabbed another one, dropping them into the basket and walking away quickly. 

"If we're both using it, we're getting two because one is just unhygienic," I said, crossing my arms. 

He skipped over to me quickly and stopped me, pressing a firm kiss to my lips. 

"It'll be good, babe, I promise. Do you have a dildo?"

"
Jay
," I whined, hiding my face in his neck as another couple came in, glancing at us as they passed. Ugh, hetero. "You don't just ask people that!"

"But you're not 'people', you're my boyfriend," he said with a sweet, almost shy smile. I couldn't fight him as soon as he reminded me of that. 

"Fine," I muttered. "No, I don't have a dildo."

"Then I want to get you a vibrator, for when I'm not around. Or for while I am and I just feel like watching." His grin was literally evil. 

"Fine," I said again. 

He grinned happily, grabbed my hand and hurried off into their general direction. He was acting like a five year old in a toy shop. Instead, he was a twenty-eight year old in a '
toy
' shop. When we reached the vibrators, he wrapped his free arm around my waist to hold me in front of him. 

"What sort would you like, babe?" he asked, resting his chin on my shoulder. "A plain one, a textured one or a realistic one?"

"What's the difference?" I murmured, keeping my eyes on the floor so I didn't pass out from embarrassment. 

"A plain one is basically just a long piece of plastic," he explained as he nibbled at the shell of my ear. "Pretty boring, really. Textured ones are good. They have patterns on them, so they feel really good. Realistic ones are supposed to look and feel like actual cocks. I once had a friend who gave his fuck buddy a personalised one for his birthday."

"A personalised dildo?" I asked, looking up at him. 

"Was perfectly moulded to be just like his. Pretty expensive, I hear."

I blushed again and looked up at the shelves. I only spared each one a glance before my eyes settled on one. From the look of it, it was a mixture between the 'textured' and 'realistic' ones that Jay was talking about. I reached up and grabbed it, dropping it in the basket before walking away quickly before I could think about it anymore. When I glanced back at Jay, he was looking at it with a happy grin before putting it back in the basket and following me. I waited for him at the end of the aisle. Thankfully, he didn't say anything about my choice. 

"Ready to get these and go back to the tattoo parlour?" he asked, taking my hand again. 

I nodded, starting to move towards the checkout but I was pulled back when Jay didn't move. I looked at him; he was busy looking over a new set of things. Oh, God, what had he found now? 

"Kaidan...?" he asked hesitantly and I prepared a no. "I once had a dream about having a threesome with you, but I don't think I could really share you with anyone else, so... What do you think?"

He pointed at something that had me frowning. It was like a dildo but... not. I stood on my tiptoes to read the packaging better. Oh, Jesus... 'Double penetration shaft'... So, Jay would put that thing over his... thing... and then put them both in my... area. I buried my face in my hands, trying to hide the redness of my skin. Jay stepped closer to me and set the basket and bag down to wrap both of his arms around my waist, holding my against him. He was kissing at my neck and shoulders gently, trying to calm me down. 

"Remember, babe, just say no. Apparently double penetration feels really good, but I wouldn't want anyone else touching you. What do you think?"

I was quiet for almost a minute before I answered him. "Try everything at least once, right?" I said quietly, looking up at him. 

He smiled widely and kissed me, though it was a bit awkward because of the way that my back was still pressed against him. "If you don't like it, we'll throw it away, okay? Gotta try everything once."

"Get two," I said suddenly. "I want to try on you... If you'd let me."

He practically squealed in happiness and span me round before kissing me hard. He grabbed two and dropped them into the basket before he picked the basket and the shopping bag back up, heading to the checkout. The cashier thankfully didn't say anything, though he did give me a small smile. I think it was supposed to be reassuring, and it kind of worked. I guess he saw a lot of nervous people - with or without their partners. The bag he gave us was a simple black paper bag with no advertising or anything on it. Discreet. I thanked him quietly but still got the hell out of there, practically running. 

Jay checked the time on his phone and took my hand again, heading back to the tattoo place. 

"Nervous?" I asked, feeling more normal now that we were out of there. 

"A bit," he admitted with a small nod. "I just hope it looks good."

"This place is one of the best in town, it will definitely look good."

He nodded a little but didn't look entirely convinced.

When we were sat back down in the waiting area, the knee bouncing started up again. I sighed in frustration and stood. I took the bags off him and put them in my seat before I climbed into his lap, forcing him to stop. 

"Better?" I asked. He nodded slightly. 

I kissed him softly, stroking over the area of his wrists he was going to get done. I guessed I wouldn't be able to touch him there much for a little while. Tattoos could get infected and stuff... He took his arms from me and slid one around my waist to pin me against him while the other slid up into my hair. Despite the possessive touch he had on me, the kiss was still sweet, gentle. 
Loving
. 

Someone cleared their throat so I pulled away. Jess, the tattoo artist, was stood there, smiling to herself. 

"Hey, guys," she said. "Ready to start?"

I got up and so did Jay. I picked up the bags, holding them away from Jay when he moved to take them. 

"Follow the nice lady, darling," I said, patronising him. He frowned at me but followed her. I followed just to the door. "Am I allowed to come in with him?"

"Of course, hon. Is there anything you want to get done while you're here?" Jess asked, smiling as she got something out of a drawer. 

"Uh, I wanted to get my ear and my lip pierced," I admitted with a small smile. 

"Oh that won't take long. If you make an appointment with John on the desk for about an hour's time and you can get it done while I'm finishing up with Jay. I've got to give him the whole safety spiel as well, so that'll give you plenty of time. Leave the bags there for now."

I nodded and put the bags in the corner of the room. I was kind of hoping she wouldn't look in the black bag... I went to the desk and asked the guy for a piercing appointment. He just nodded, wrote down the guy's name and the time it was, before practically sending me away. I hurried back to the room Jay was in, shutting the door behind me. 

"-- might hurt a bit, but don't worry. It shouldn't take too long. And your boyfriend's here to hold your hand," she teased, glancing up at me. 

"Don't encourage him; I will never live it down. We have a bet on, don't we, darling?"

"Not so much a bet as a promise," I said with a shy grin. 

He grinned back, holding up his wrists that had the tattoos on them. It was bright purple so it was probably just a template or something.

"What do you think, boo? It's just going to be black, like my soul."

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "Babe, you don't have a soul."

Jay chuckled slightly as I pulled the chair from the corner over to sit next to him. He held my hand and even though he was grinning and joking, the tight grip on my hand told me just how nervous he was. I squeezed back and lifted his hand to kiss the back of it. 

"Just relax, it'll be over soon," I said softly. 

He took a deep breath and nodded. 

Jess turned to him with a small thing in her gloved hands. She was fiddling with it as she glanced up at us. 

"Do I need to tie your hand down?" she asked with a small grin. 

Jay shook his head. "I'll be okay. Just need to be still, right?"

"You just stay still and I'll do the rest," she said with a nod. 

Jay took a deep breath and nodded, sitting back in the chair and relaxing as best as he could. I took hold of his hand in both of mine, stroking his skin gently. He closed his eyes and took a few more deep breaths. 

"Ready," he said. 

He gasped in surprise when the needle touched his skin and bit his lip slightly but it didn't seem too bad. 

"See?" Jess said, wiping away some excess ink. "Not too bad, is it?"

"Where's the worst place to get a tattoo?" I asked curiously.

We spent nearly the whole hour just chatting while Jay sat quietly. When she'd finished on the wrist that had the quote we'd chosen on, we had to swap sides. Holding Jay's hand was a bit more difficult because I had to be careful. The pure black ink was amazing against Jay's tanned skin. I wanted to touch it but I held myself back. I'd be able to touch it when it was healed, but not yet. 

Towards the end, I checked the time regularly until I had to go for my appointment. 

"Wish I could come with you," Jay murmured when I got up.

"I know. I won't be long, okay?" I turned to Jess. "It won't hurt too much, will it?"

"Lip?" she asked, pausing her work to look up at me. "No, but it might swell a bit after. Just got to keep it clean."

I nodded and took a deep breath.

"Kay, take my jacket if you want," Jay said, smiling reassuringly at me. 

I smiled to myself and picked it up. I tried as subtly as I could to sniff it, just because I loved the smell that Jay left on his clothes. I kissed him quickly before rushing out and to where I'd been instructed to go. There were seats to wait but I couldn't sit down so I just stayed standing. It wasn't long before a guy came out of the room I was waiting outside. He had a shit load of piercings and a couple tattoos as well. At least he knows what he's doing, I guess...?

"Kaidan, right?" he asked. I nodded quietly, swallowing hard. "I'm Luke. So you want your ear done? And your lip?"

He led me into the room, pointing at a bed thing. I assumed I was supposed to lie on it but I just sat on it, swinging my legs slightly. Luke didn't complain. 

"Uh, yeah," I said, remembering he'd asked me a question. "Yeah, lip and ear."

"Alright. We'll do your ear first. Just the one?" he asked. I nodded. "Which one?"

I thought for a moment; I hadn't really thought of that. 

"My right," I said suddenly before nodding in agreement with myself. 

Luke got a pen and marked a spot on my right earlobe. He got a mirror to show me. "There?"

"Yeah, that's perfect."

We went through a whole rigmarole of choosing an earring, then talking about safety. I chose a round, black stud that I thought would look good. He pulled a pair of gloves on before he got a small machine out, putting the earring in it. He stood and came to stand at my side. He took a few moments to line it up properly. 

"Right, deep breath in." I did so. "And out."

Before I'd even finished releasing the breath, there was a loud click and a sudden heat spread through my earlobe. 

"Done," Luke said, stepping away. 

"Done?" I asked, confused. 

He grinned and nodded. "Really not that big of a deal, is it?"

He handed me the mirror as if to prove there was now an earring in my lobe. It actually did look good... If Jay hadn't mentioned it, I'd have never considered getting a piercing. 

"Now, lip."

Choosing a piercing for my lip was even more complicated. It was either a bar or a ring, and then you had to choose the one you wanted. I ended up with a black ring that matched my earring. 

"This is a bit more difficult," he admitted, thought with a reassuring smile. Oh God, what had I signed up for. 

I nodded slightly but when Luke got out some freaky forcep shit, I was a bit more reluctant about this. As he went about gathering everything he needed, with a new pair of gloves on, I held Jay's jacket to my face, taking deep breaths, trying to pretend he was here with me. There was a knock on the door and Jess poked her head in. 

"Babe, I've got a spectator for you," Jess said, presumably at Luke. 

She stepped back and Jay came in, bandages round his wrists where he'd had the tattoos done. I practically sobbed in relief, reaching out for him. He came over quickly and climbed onto the bed beside me, kneeling. He took my hand, squeezing. Jess left, shutting the door behind her.

"Lets see your ear, then," he said. I turned to show him. "Nice. Have you squealed yet?"

"Did you?" I returned. 

He grinned. "'Fraid not. You'll have to keep your bet for another time."

I laughed a little and kissed him briefly before turning back to Luke. "Okay, I'm ready now."

He smiled happily between the two of us before he came over with a tray, setting it down on a little trolley beside him. We talked about where I wanted it and decided to have it on the left side of my bottom lip. Nodding, Luke marked it and gave me the mirror to see. 

"What do you think?" I asked Jay, turning to show him. 

"Nice," he said with a smile and a nod. 

I handed the mirror back to Luke. He took a small paper towel and dried the inside of my lip. He used the forceps thing - which I then realised had a gap so you could accurately put a needle through it - to hold my lip flat. Then he got a needle, which immediately made me tighten my grip on Jay. He lined the needle up and pushed it through without warning. I was more surprised by how little it hurt than anything else. He left the needle there while he picked up the ring. He slid the needle out and pushed the ring through the hole it had made. I whimpered slightly but Jay kissed my hair gently. Luke pulled on the ring slightly while he got the ball in to secure it, but then he stepped back. 

"Done," he said, smiling. "Not even any blood."

"Thanks," I said with a small smile, which still didn't really hurt. "What do you think, Jay?"

He looked at me quietly for a few moments before leaning forward and pressing his lips firmly against mine, careful of the new piercing. 

"Hot as fuck, babe," he whispered against my lips. He sat back and looked at Luke. "We can kiss, right?"

"Carefully, yes. Nothing too... rough, or it might delay the healing."

Jay nodded and got up, going over to grab the bags that Jess must have brought in. I went to the front desk and paid for my new piercings, meaning: I managed to win the argument of money with Jay!

We headed back to the bus stop, though Jay was complaining the whole way about why we couldn't just drive. I grinned happily up at him, ignoring the slight pull at my lip. I leant up and kissed him to shut him up. 

"I love you," I said quietly. 

He smiled happily. "I love you too, boo."

(A/N So... That's a long chapter. Like, three chapters in one. Don't get used to it! XD I got really carried away and have been writing for the past three and a half hours; this is the result. Hope you like it! We're now officially at 82,621 words! Jesus... I never thought we'd end up this far along when I sat down to bang out the first chapter of what I thought would be a shitty story no one would like. I love you guys, so much. I read all of your comments, whether I reply or not and it means so much that you're all still here for me. What would I do without you? No dedication this chapter because there's just so many of you that I love <3 ~Beka xxxxx)

# Chapter Sixty-Eight

I couldn't stop myself from playing with the new metal attachment to my lip as we walked back to mine from the bus stop. I still had Jay's jacket, though now I was wearing it. Jay was walking beside me happily, my hand in his. It felt just so... natural to be with him like this. Just getting back from the shops, not having to worry about whether or not we'd end up being pulled apart by his job. Just... like a normal couple. 

"Kaidan, you're not listening, are you?" Jay asked suddenly, tugging at my arm slightly. 

"Hm?" I looked up at him. "Oh, sorry. What were you saying?"

"I was just asking whether you wanted to do this thing with Ollie and Finn? Remember, you can just say no if you don't want to," he added quickly. 

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not as fragile as you think, Jay. I know when I want to say no, and I'm very capable. I think it would be interesting to do... something with Ollie and Finn, as long as it won't be awkward afterwards."

"It won't be. We realised a couple years ago that Ollie is actually a bit of an exhibitionist, so it can be good for him to have others around. To be honest, even us being there would be enough to get him off, so we don't have to anything you don't want to do."

"Jay, stop trying to protect me from stuff I don't need protecting from. It's sweet and all but seriously, don't worry. Okay?" I said, looking up at him. 

He nodded slightly and we kept walking. We got to my flat and I opened the unlocked door, stepping inside. Taking the bags from him, I set them down and leaned up to kiss him gently, ignoring the twinge of pain in my lip. He looped his arms around my waist and pulled me against him happily. The feeling of the padded bandages on his wrists was strange but I ignored it in favour of pressing closer against him and knotting my fingers in his hair. He moaned slightly into my mouth and his hands curled up into fists against my back. 

"Kaidan..." he breathed against my lips. "God, I love you..."

"I love you too," I murmured, kissing along his jaw. "But right now I really just want you to fuck me against every surface we can find."

He laughed breathily, running his hands up and down my back. He squeezed my arse firmly before bringing his hands in between us to start undoing my belt. 

"That can be arranged," he murmured with a small grin. 

I grinned back and tightened my grip in his hair, pulling his face down to mine and kissing him firmly. He hummed against my mouth appreciatively as he practically ripped open my jeans and pushed them down. I quickly toed my shoes off, trying not to break away from the kiss. I reached for his jeans, popping the button and sliding the zip down. Oh, fuck... He wasn't wearing any boxers. 

"Didn't have any clean underwear," Jay breathed in an explanation. 

I laughed a little and pulled him flush against me with the grip I had on his jeans. He gasped in surprise but grinned widely down at me, trapping me against the wall with his hands either side of my head. He moved his face closer to mine so I leant up, thinking he was going to kiss me. Instead, he turned my face to one side and kissed at my neck softly, though it felt restrained. 

"Mark me," I whispered, reaching up with one hand to grab onto his hair tightly. 

His shoulders practically sagged in relief as his lips clamped onto my skin, sucking hard. I moaned, tugging at his hair as I arched against him. He grabbed my hips and pushed me hard against the wall. His little display should have been annoying but it was actually just hot as fuck. All I could do was pant and moan as he bit and sucked and licked at my skin. He lifted his head when he was satisfied with the hickey he'd left. I wanted to look at it just as much as I wanted him to give me another. 

I opened my eyes, unaware that I'd closed them, looking up at the ceiling briefly before focusing on my task of getting him naked. I slid down the wall until I was on my knees in front of him. I bit my lip - ignoring the pain it left me with - and looked up at him. 

"Oh, shit," he whispered, steadying himself against the wall with his hands against it. 

I stifled a quiet laugh and took hold of the hem of his jeans, tugging hard. They moved, like, an inch. 

"How do you even get these on?" I grumbled unhappily as I worked bit by bit to get them off him. 

He chuckled slightly. "With a bit of wiggling."

Rolling my eyes, I kept going until I managed to get them low enough that his cock sprang free. I mouthed at the base of him while still tugging at his jeans. At some point he'd shed his shoes and his shirt, which just made my job that much easier. He sighed in pleasure, resting his hand on the back of my head as I kept licking and kissing at his length. 

"Fuck," he moaned when I licked a thin stripe all along his cock with the very tip of his tongue. "You've got such an amazing mouth, Kay..."

"I'm just getting started." I grinned up at him. 

He had his eyes closed, head bowed and his lips parted. They glistened in the light; he'd been licking them. I'd noticed that he licked his lips a lot when he was either really turned on, or anxious. 

"Baby, please," he gasped, making me realise that I'd stopped and instead had just been looking at him. 

His jeans were halfway down his calves now, which felt like a major achievement. I leaned forward and sucked one of his balls into my mouth, rolling it around with my tongue. He moaned loudly, arching his back to push his hips closer to me. Still sucking hard, I slowly sat back until it popped out of my mouth with an obscene pop. He was panting heavily and his arms were shaking slightly. He whined when I sat back; his jeans were around his ankles now and he could just step out of them. 

"That list of rules," I started, throwing my trousers to the side as he stepped out of his jeans. He looked down at me expectantly. "Can we add 'no skinny jeans' to it?"

He released a breathy laugh. "I like my skinny jeans."

"Yeah, but it's a bit of a hindrance when it comes to getting you naked," I pointed out. 

"But also very good for impromptu sex."

"Fine," I laughed, standing up, "keep your skinny jeans."

He didn't say anything else once I was vertical, instead focusing on trying to unbutton my shirt. With the way his fingers were shaking, I didn't think he'd get it done anytime soon but I just left him to it because it was funny. After a few moments he scowled and just pulled the two sides apart, the buttons flying everywhere. I gasped in surprise, jumping. 

"I'll get you another one," he mumbled against my lips before he kissed me hard. 

I winced at the pressure put on my new piercing and just changed the angle slightly. Finally, we were both naked. Jay moved away from my lips, kissing along my jaw to the side of my neck that he hadn't put a hickey on - yet. I took the opportunity to run my hands over him, feeling the slight muscles of his stomach, his lean biceps and his perfectly defined back. I'd missed this. I'd missed him. 

"We doing it right against this wall?" I asked jokingly. 

"Yes," he answered simply before going back to sucking at my neck. "Lube?"

"Bedroom," I said, running my hands up and down his back. 

He huffed in frustration; clearly the bedroom was too far to go. Instead, he looked around, grinning widely when he picked up a bottle of moisturiser from a table near the door. I rolled my eyes but didn't say anything. Inside, I was just as desperate for this as he was. I turned around to face the wall because I thought that would just be easier but Jay grabbed my arm to stop me. 

"I want to see you," he whispered as he took a step closer. I just nodded and faced him again. 

He bit his lip thoughtfully, though the action drew my attention to his mouth and fuck if he was hot when he did that. Well, he was hot all the time. 

"Hold your hand out," he said. I frowned but did as he said. He squirted a liberal amount of the moisturiser into my palm. "Prep yourself."

"You going to watch?" I teased, fluttering my eyelashes. 

He grinned slightly. "Just do as you're told."

"Someone's bossy today. I like it."

Jay rolled his eyes and grabbed the black bag, taking it over to the small table. Oh, fuck... He was going to use something from there. I wanted to ask but at the same time I wanted to wait and see. I made quick work of stretching myself for him, moaning softly. It took me a while to notice that Jay was staring at me with darkened eyes, breathing heavily. 

"I want you," I whispered, leaning back against the wall. 

He nodded quickly and strode over, looking me in the eyes before he kissed me hard and pushed me against the wall. I whimpered slightly from the pain in the back of my head where it hit the wall and my lip. He eased up slightly so it didn't hurt as much. I gasped in surprise as my legs went out from under me, my eyes flying open. He was grinning wickedly, hitching my further up the wall. I wrapped my legs around my waist, loving the feeling of him holding my thighs. 

"Dick," I murmured, breathing raggedly. 

"I know," was all he said, though his evil grin didn't slip. 

He slowly let go of one of my legs to position himself against my hole. For a moment, we were just still, looking at each other happily. Then, simultaneously, he thrust up into me while I pushed hard back down onto him. I moaned loudly, throwing my head back against the wall. 

"Oh, fuck," I gasped, my chest heaving as I tried to drag air into my starved lungs. 

He was nestled so impossibly deep inside me and I could feel myself stretching around his girth, but it was strange... Then I realised. 

"Wearing cock extender?" I asked, happily surprised by my English capabilities. 

He chuckled, breathless too. "Best decision ever."

"I think I have to agree right now..."

We were both still for a few moments. Jay just rested his head on my shoulder, panting already. We'd hardly had any foreplay and we were both so desperate for it - which I demonstrated by digging my heels into his lower back slightly to try and get him to move. He didn't complain or argue, instead just drawing out slightly before pushing back in quickly. I moaned again, gripping his hair tightly in both of my hands. 

"More," I demanded. "Don't stop."

"Now who's bossy?" Jay whispered against my neck, though he complied. 

He kept going, but it was at the same damned slow pace he'd started with. Eventually I was so pent up from need that I smacked his chest hard, hoping he got the message. He laughed breathlessly before he suddenly slammed into me hard. I cried out, throwing an arm out against the wall to steady myself. 

"Fuck, just like that. Faster."

This time he didn't laugh, didn't argue, just reached underneath me to spread my cheeks wide so he could slide inside me more easily. He was moving so fast that I couldn't even think straight, let alone control anything that was coming out of my mouth. 

"Fuck! Oh, shit, Jay, 
yes
... I love you, so much. Fuckin' love you..."

"Love you too," he grunted out, sweat beading on his forehead. 

It didn't take much after those words that I came with a loud shout, arching against him and pulling hard on his hair. He moaned loudly and came inside me after a few more thrusts. We were both left panting heavily. I could swear the room was spinning. After a few moments, Jay lifted me up higher so he could slip out of me and set me on my feet. I would have fallen if it wasn't for the wall at my back. He took of the extender thing, dropping it onto the pile of the rest of our clothes. After a few moments, I felt able to stand and pushed off the wall, grabbed his hand and headed for the bedroom. He followed, quiet except for our heavy breathing. 

When we got into the bedroom, I pulled him in front of me before I pushed him onto the bed. He gasped in surprise as he fell onto his back. I crawled onto him, straddling his waist. 

"Your turn," I whispered, looking down at him. 

He took a sudden shaky breath, resting his hands on my thighs. "You going to fuck me, Kaidan?" he asked with a breathless grin. 

"If you ask nicely," I teased, leaning down to kiss him again. 

Licking across his lips, he opened for me without question and pulled me closer, inviting me into his mouth - an invitation I happily took. He moaned slightly, wrapping his arms around my neck and playing with the hair at the nape of my neck. 

Slowly, I lifted a leg over him so I was kneeling beside him. Trailing my fingertips down his stomach, I stroked his cock slowly until it was hard again. He was moaning and wriggling slightly underneath me, whining loudly when I pulled away from his mouth. 

"Roll over," I murmured, smiling when he immediately did as he was told. 

I settled between his legs, pushing his knees underneath him so his hole was on display for me. His loud breathing was audible, his chest rising and falling quickly with his shallow breaths. I sat still for a few moments, waiting to see how he reacted, partially to be mean but also to make sure he was okay with this. 

"Kaidan!" he exclaimed irritably, smacking the bed cover with his hand. "I swear to God, if you don't fuck me now, there will be hell to pay."

I just rolled my eyes and leaned forward, licking over his hole. His answering moan was so satisfying that I could happily sit here and lick at him for hours. 

"So this is how it's going? You're goin' to tongue-fuck me until I come. You son of a bitch," he muttered, along with a range of other insults that I didn't understand. I just grinned at him and continued. 

With every new lick, his back arched more and his mewls became louder and needier. I paused, having an idea. I didn't hesitate before I shoved my tongue inside him, licking around. Jay cried out, pushing his hips back against me to try and get me deeper inside him. I pulled back but before his string of complaints and insults started up again, I plunged one finger deep inside him. Arching high again, he moaned, gripping at the duvet. 

"Lube. Drawer in front of you," I said quietly. 

With ridiculous enthusiasm, Jay reached forward, managing to open the drawer before I could even take my finger out of him. He dug around in the drawer before he grinned widely, coming back with the lube. He handed it to me happily before he got comfy again, spreading his legs further and tilting his hips to give me the best view. I was surprised that he didn't complain when I pulled my finger out, though I could imagine the pout on his face. I bit my lip before I drizzled lube all over my fingers, spreading it between each one until they were completely covered.

Jay wiggled his hips as if to make me hurry up and get my fingers in him quickly. I just laughed slightly and put one finger back in, stretching him slightly so the second slid in easily. He moaned slightly, arching. Slowly, I moved them, crooking them slightly so I could stroke over his prostate. He cried out shakily when I got it, gripping at his hair. 

"More... Please, Kaidan, more..." he begged, panting again. 

I couldn't help my small, smug smile at the fact that Jay was literally begging me, though I scissored my fingers so that a third could slip in. 

"Have you been touching yourself?" I asked, pumping them in and out of them slowly. 

"Yes," he admitted in a whisper, sounding as if he was ashamed of that.

"Why?" I asked curiously. 

"I... I missed you... Missed the feeling of you inside me," he murmured before burying his face in the duvet like he was embarrassed. 

I leaned down at kissed the bottom of his spine gently, making him left his head up slightly to look back at me, curious and hesitant. I smiled reassuringly and kissed him there again, rubbing the thumb of my free hand over the back of his thigh. He smiled a little, his cheeks a faint pink. 

"I'm ready, Kaidan," he whispered, facing forward again. 

I moved my fingers a few more times before deciding that he was actually ready, pulling them out. He took a deep breath, pulling the thin pillow into his arms. 

"This is still difficult for you, isn't it?" I asked quietly as I lubed up my own cock. 

Jay nodded silently, though there was no sign of major tension in his muscles, which made me feel better about doing this. I covered his body with mine, my chest along his back and my face by his shoulder. He turned his head awkwardly to kiss me. I had to lean closer to him so he wasn't straining his neck so much. 

"I love you," he whispered when he pulled away. 

"I love you too," I said, kissing the back of his head briefly before kneeling behind him, holding his hips. 

Slowly, I slid into him, his heat almost overwhelming around me. He groaned, tightening his arms around the pillow. It didn't take more than a few moments before I was buried in him. He moaned slightly, wiggling his hips again, to which I couldn't help my laugh. Pulling out almost to the tip, I slid back in slowly, before repeating the action again and again, increasing my speed with each thrust until I was fucking him hard. Jay moaned loudly, crying out when I moved over his prostate. 

With Jay's moans, groans and whispered admissions of love, my orgasm quickly approached. My thrusts became more erratic and Jay seemed to notice, taking hold of himself and moving his hand quickly. His moans got louder as he struggled more and more to time his hand to my thrusts. 

Suddenly, Jay came, arching again. The tightening of his muscles around me ripped an orgasm out of me, filling him. He hummed happily as if that was exactly what he needed. For a few moments, we just stayed as we were, panting heavily. 

Jay was half-asleep when I carefully pulled out, mumbling something and wriggling his arm. I grinned slightly as he lay flat on his stomach, still wriggling his arm. I got the message and slipped underneath it, snuggling close to him. He smiled sleepily, eyes closed, and leaned forward to try and kiss me. He ended up getting the edge of my jaw but it was so cute that I couldn't laugh. I kissed him gently and soon dozed off. 

(A/N Okay... So this is another long-ish chapter. I wanted to get both sex scenes in one chapter because I thought it would be awkward/weird to have it spread over two chapters. Sleepy Jay is so cute :3 Chapter dedicated to _pistolsanddasies_ for accidentally directing me to a cool Destiel fic XD Go check out HonestDying! Some awesome-sounding stories and DESTIEL ~Beka xoxo)

# Chapter Sixty-Nine

(A/N So... To commemorate chapter 69, you've got an extra long chapter! As in, extra extra extra long. As in 10,000 words. As in, you might want to stock up on snacks before you read this one.)

I woke slowly, curling into myself with a frown. I was cold. I was alone. I lifted my head, rubbing at an eye sleepily. Jay wasn't around. If it wasn't for his dry come over the duvet and the amazing ache in my arse, it would have been like he'd never been here. Like yesterday hadn't happened. I touched the piercing in my lip to reassure myself that yesterday was real, that I wasn't going insane and making up dreams where Jay came and admitted that he loved me. 

Needing the toilet, I sat up and shuffled off the bed with a yawn. I looked around on the way to the bathroom. There was still no sign of him. Had he left me? No, his clothes were still strewn all over the floor by the front door. 

I stopped suddenly, frowning further; the bathroom door was closed. The bathroom door was never closed. I held my breath for a moment, listening. There was the faint sound of sniffling and stifled sobbing coming from the other side of the door. My heart clenched and I reached for the handle, but it wouldn't turn. Jay had locked himself in the bathroom. 

"Jay? Jay, open the door," I said softly, still trying to turn the handle. He didn't respond for a while, instead just going quiet. "Jaimie, open this door. I need to make sure you're okay, baby."

After a few moments, the lock clicked and the door opened a little. Jay's tear-stained face appeared in the slight crack as he wiped his nose across the back of his hand. He avoided my gaze, looking ashamed. 

"Can I come in?" I asked, as gently as I could. 

He nodded slowly, pulling the door open further. I slipped inside, shutting the door behind me. Kneeling beside him, I stroked his hair slowly, trying to comfort him. 

"What's wrong, darling? What happened?"

He just shook his head and crawled into my lap, curling up like a child. His skin was freezing; how long had he been lying here? I rested my cheek on top of his head, kissing his forehead repeatedly while rocking him slowly in my arms. Eventually, his crying seemed to subside, and he was just silent, still. 

"Jaimie?" I whispered to him, hoping his full name would calm him down, at least a little. 

"Nightmare," he breathed shakily, clinging tighter to me. 

"Oh, babe... It's okay, it's not real. Do you want to talk about it?"

He shook his head quickly before he stopped, changing his mind. "I... You left me... And I was all on my own, and then 
he
 found me a-and..."

I shushed him quietly, trying to let him know that he didn't have to continue. He fell silent, though hiccuping out small sobs again. I just stayed quiet, rocking him again.

"Don't leave me, Kaidan," he whispered, looking up at me.

"I'm not going anywhere, Jay. I promise. I love you, remember? So much..."

He seemed to relax after that, sagging against me. He closed his eyes, turning his face into my neck.

"How long have you been in here? You're freezing," I noted, rubbing at his arm in an attempt to warm him up.

"Your fault for not having the central heating on," he retorted, though it had little of his usual sarcasm.

I smiled and kissed the top of his head. "Let's go cuddle in bed then, okay? Get you warm again."

Jay nodded but made no move to get up. I rubbed my nose in his hair, loving the faint smell of his shampoo.

"How are your arms?" I asked instead, turning his hands over so I could look at his wrists.

"Messy," he mumbled.

He was right, the bandages were ruffled and loose now, practically hanging off his wrists. A hint of black peeked out from under one of them, again making me want to see them. Jay unravelled them carefully, placing them on the floor when they were bundled up. 

"They're amazing," I breathed, reaching out to touch them but hesitating. 

"You think so?" he asked, looking up at me for reassurance. 

I just smiled in response and kissed him softly, cupping his cheek in my hand. Jay's lips were insistent against mine, hard. His hand snaked up into my hair, though he hissed in slight pain when his wrist pressed against my head. 

We were horribly interrupted by the sound of Jay's phone ringing in the living room. He practically growled in annoyance when he pulled away from me, his fingertips trailing over the first hickey he'd given me last night. 

"You should get that," I whispered. 

"It's just Ollie. He can wait," he murmured, sounding more like himself. 

"He's probably ringing to check whether I've killed you or not."

"If it was death by sex like last night's, I really wouldn't mind."

I couldn't help a slight laugh at that. "I'm sure you wouldn't. Go answer your phone before he rings me as well."

Grumbling, Jay got up, walking quickly out of the bathroom and down the hall to the living room. I got up and stretched, going to the toilet before following him. When I got there, he was lying upside on the couch, his feet on the back of it while his head hung off the edge, his hair hanging down. I smiled in the doorway, leaning against it as I just looked at him. 

"No, I am not lying to you, you idiot. Why would I lie? Kaidan's right here if that'll prove anything," Jay said, sounding frustrated. 

He held out the phone to me. "Hi, Ollie!" I shouted at the phone. Jay huffed a little laugh and brought it back against his ear. 

"See? Good. Now, what do you want?"

I grinned and came over to him, sitting on the floor beside his head. He grinned back, leaning up to kiss me gently. 

"Of course I'm listening," Jay murmured to Ollie when I pulled back from him. "Ooh, where are you going? Hang on, I'll put you on speaker."

Jay looked at his phone, pressed a button and then there was the slight background noise of Ollie and Finn's house. 

"Hey, Ollie," I said, resting a hand on Jay's chest. He laced his fingers through mine happily, peeking up at me with a smile. 

"Hi, Kaidan. So, you guys are sorted now?" 

"I think so," I answered, smiling at Jay before kissing him again. 

"Ew, guys, save that for later, please. Anyway, Finn and I are going away for our anniversary!"

That explained Jay's question. "Where to?" I asked. 

"I don't know, it's a surprise. Of course, I still have to pack for both of us. And find a dogsitter. Ugh, holidays are so much work."

"Want me to take Jasmine?" Jay asked, trailing his fingers through my hair absentmindedly. 

"Really? Oh my God, that would be so good, if you wouldn't mind. Anyway, that can wait. Finn... told me that he'd spoken to you two, about our anniversary."

"Oh, 
that
. What about it?" Jay asked casually. 

"Well... Do you still want to?" Ollie asked timidly. I could hear him shifting uncomfortably where he was sat. 

"I don't know about Jay, but I do," I said in an attempt to relax him, but I really did want to do this with them...

"Sure, it'll be good," Jay said with a small shrug, still curling my hair around his fingers. "When are you flying?"

"Day after tomorrow. Tomorrow will be spent packing and sorting out Jasmine's things. There's nothing planned for after we get back so--"

"Why not tonight?" I interrupted quickly, blushing a little. 

Ollie hesitated. "Are you sure? I mean... You two have only just..."

"It's fine," I reassured him. I looked to Jay to try and get him to say the same.

"Sounds good to me," Jay said too.

Ollie sighed in relief. "That's great. And, of course, you can stop any time you want, all you have to do is say stop and--"

I just laughed. "Jesus, Ollie, you're sounding worse than Jay right now. Honestly, I can say the word 'no'."

"I love it when you get all fiesty," Jay murmured, leaning up to kiss at one of the hickeys he'd given me. I shivered slightly, closing my eyes.

"What time?" I asked, trying to hide my slight breathlessness as Jay continued tonguing at one of the marks.

"Finn gets back from work at about five tonight. We need to eat, shower, get ready, so... half six, seven?"

"Seven sounds good," I replied, gasping when Jay bit at the love bite. "Your place?"

"Yeah," Ollie said, a grin in his voice. "We'll see you tonight then."

I nodded before remembering that he couldn't see me. "Y-Yeah, see you."

We said quick goodbyes before I hung up and grabbed Jay's hair, kissing him hard. He almost squealed in surprise, wrapping his arms around my neck. Because of the way he was lying, it was messy, wet, but so hot that I could feel my cock begin to harden. When Jay pulled away, we were both breathing heavily and staring at each other. I grinned slightly before kissing him again, firmly but briefly. 

"I have college in an hour," I murmured after a quick glance up at the clock. 

"I have a charity event," he responded, sounding just as miserable as he looked. 

"What is it?" I asked, wiping a bit of spit away from his mouth. 

"Fun day with a load of kids. I'm going along to help. It'll be over by two, so we could go out and eat or something."

"Is this one of the abuse charities you support?" I asked quietly, stroking his hair. 

"Yeah. A lot of the volunteers have a similar past as me, so we can all relate to the kids. They rarely share their stories, but they know they can talk to us if they want to."

I looked at him thoughtfully for a few moments. "You're perfect, you know?"

He frowned confusedly. "How?"

"Beautiful, sexy, kind, funny, sensitive. Plus, 
amazing
 in bed. And confident, forgiving, loving, understanding, honest - need I go on?"

Jay looked away silently, though I could see the tears forming in his eyes again. This was one of the final hurdles he had to overcome: his own self-worth. When I held his chin and turned his face back to me, he still didn't say anything, though he did wrap his arms around me tightly. I pulled him carefully off the couch until he was sat in my lap again. 

"I mean it, Jay. To me, you are everything. Even with everything that's happened since we met, I wouldn't change a second of it, because it brought us to this point now."

He was crying now, sniffling and trembling slightly. I was on the verge of tears too, just seeing him like this. 

"I love you so much," I whispered to him, tightening my arms around him. "I've never loved anyone before, not like I love you."

He let out a shaky breath, looking up at me. "I love you too. You've done so much for me, Kaidan. I don't know what I'd do without you now."

I smiled comfortingly and kissed one of his tears gently. When I looked at him again, he was smiling a tiny bit. 

"Come on, let's get dressed. Maybe we can have a hot and heavy makeout session in bed," I teased. 

He laughed slightly, a little giggle that warmed my heart. "I don't mind just cuddling."

"We can do whatever you want."

***

Dressing had been an interesting affair. I was going through my clothes to try and find something while Jay just sat with his legs crossed on the bed, watching me. As many times as I told him to go and get yesterday's clothes, he just ignored me in favour of watching me get dressed. I'd just rolled my eyes. 

Suddenly he'd jumped up and run out of the room, coming back just a second later with the black bag of toys we'd bought yesterday. I blushed but otherwise stayed quiet as he rifled through the bag. After a few moments, he wrapped his arms around me from behind, kissing at my hickeys again, which he'd taken the liberty of adding to, earlier. 

"Kaidan...?" he started, in that voice that immediately informed me that he wanted something.

"Yes, darling?" 

"How bored will you be today?"

"Why?" I asked hesitantly. 

"Well... I had an idea..."

Oh God. I prepared myself. Jay's ideas usually ended in embarrassment. 

"You know the butt plug we bought yesterday...?"

"You want me to wear it to college," I guessed, blushing already. 

"It would make both our days infinitely more interesting."

"Why both of us?" I asked, turning to face him now with a narrowing of my eyes. 

"Well..." He grinned hesitantly, lifting up his phone to show me an app that was open. 

"Oh my God... You can control it? You're going to be around a load of kids while you play with my backside."

"I thought it could be fun," he said sheepishly, waiting for my response. 

I looked at him for a few moments. He didn't seem to be doing this to embarrass me; it seemed that he was actually just curious about it. And he was using that look... That 
damn
 look that I couldn't say no to, and he didn't even know he was making it. 

"Fine. Where is it?" I muttered. 

He grinned widely and went to the bed, where he'd put the box and the lube. He held them out to me but I just raised my eyebrow at him and went to the bed, undoing my trousers and pushing them down before I crawled onto the bed and put my arse on display for him. He whined slightly and come over, still naked as he knelt behind me. 

"Go on then," I taunted, unable to help my grin at him. 

He whined and pouted slightly as he reached for the lube. 

"God, if we had time right now, I'd--"

"Fuck me, yeah, yeah, get on with it," I said, rolling my eyes. 

"No," Jay surprised me by saying. He blushed a little and smiled shyly, stroking his fingers over my lower back. "No, I'd make love to you. Slow and gentle. I'd love you like I'm supposed to."

His voice was quiet, hesitant as if he was scared I'd laugh. Instead, I felt brought to tears by his whispered words. I sat up and turned around to kiss him softly, stroking along his jaw. 

"I'd like that," I whispered back, smiling at him. 

"Tomorrow," he promised, kissing me again. 

I lay down again and he made quick work of stretching me again, this time the plug sliding into place instead of his cock. I whined at the feeling. It was like I was full, but not quite enough. I gasped as Jay flicked a switch on the wide base of it. 

"How does that feel?" he asked, caressing one of my cheeks. 

"It's... weird," I admitted, sitting up again. I bit my lip slightly. 

"Good weird or bad weird?" He pulled my boxers and jeans back up, reaching around to fasten the button and zip. 

"Good." I shifted slightly, trying to get used to the feeling. 

"Want a go with the vibrations?" he asked with a grin. 

I nodded shyly and watched as he opened his phone again, pressing a button. There was nothing for a moment before it suddenly buzzed into life. I moaned at the sudden feeling of it, arching my back. 

"Jay..." I breathed. 

"That good, baby?" Jay asked, running his hands up and down my sides. 

Nodding, I mewled suddenly, grabbing him and pulling him into a kiss. When I pulled away, Jay turned the vibrations down slightly, so they were just a pleasant buzz that left me on edge. 

"That's better," I whispered, resting my head on his bare shoulder. 

After a few moments, Jay lay me down and finally went to get dressed. I stayed as still as I could, my eyes shut slightly as I just let the sensations take over. When Jay came back, he pulled me up so I was standing. He grinned at me as he collected his things - which consisted simply of his phone and wallet. 

"How are your wrists?" I asked, my voice a bit higher than usual. 

He blinked in surprise and looked down at them. "I forgot about them."

"So they're alright then," I said with a small grin. 

He rolled his eyes and handed me my phone before following me to the front door. I picked up my bag and slung it over my shoulder, putting my wallet in the main compartment of it. 

"I'm parked just down the road. That reminds me, why did we have to get the bus yesterday?" Jay asked. 

"Because," I replied, "I wanted to show off my new boyfriend. Besides, we can't make out while you're driving."

He scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Priorities."

I laced my fingers through his and rested my head on his shoulder, ignoring his grumbling. He opened the car door for me as he usually did before he kissed me softly and went around to get in his side. The leather seat pushed the butt plug further up into me, making me take a shaky breath. Jay grinned and opened his phone again and turned the setting up. My response came in a mix of a moan and a whine. I scowled at Jay with his wicked grin. This only amused him further as he did his seatbelt and started the car.

The quiet purr of the engine was something else that I'd missed; it was the background to our comfortable silences. The slight trembling of the car, usually comforting, was now driving me crazy. It just added to the vibrations of the plug, leaving me a breathless, whining, moaning mess. 

Jay reached over and did my seatbelt for me, clearly seeing that I was in no fit state to do it. The drive would have been quiet if it wasn't for my constant whimpering and groaning. The whole time, the son of a bitch was just grinning to himself. When he pulled up outside the college, I was so hard that I just wanted to throw myself at him. He seemed to notice this, but just acted coy and unaware. 

"I swear to God, if you don't touch me right now I am going to claw my eyes out," I gasped. 

He chuckled softly but leaned over and kissed me hard, forcing his tongue into my mouth. I moaned into his mouth, gripping his hair tightly. I gasped in surprise when his palm pressed against my aching cock but moaned again as he started rubbing firmly. 

"If you come now, I'll turn the setting down," he whispered, sucking kisses onto my jaw. 

"I don't think I could stop even if I wanted to," I gasped, tipping my head back so he had better access to my neck. He quickly started sucking hard there, clearly trying to leave another hickey. 

"Got a marking kink, babe?" I asked with a breathless grin. 

He didn't reply, instead quickening the pace of his hand against my crotch. It wasn't long before I was coming in my pants like a fifteen year old. He immediately turned down the setting until it was that pleasant buzz once again. I sagged against the seat, panting raggedly. 

"This is definitely going to make my day much better. Can't say it'll help your grades much," Jay murmured against my neck with a smirk on his lips. 

"I need to go in now," I grumbled unhappily. 

"I'll see you later. Three, yeah?"

I nodded numbly, trying to recover from my post-orgasm high as quickly as I could. After a few moments, I took a deep breath and kissed Jay before moving to get out of the car. He grabbed my hand and kissed it sweetly, completely opposite from what he was doing to me just a minute ago. 

"Have a good day, boo," he said with a happy smile. 

"And you. Let me know how the event goes, yeah?" 

He nodded and sat back, still smiling up at me, his eyes sparkling in the light that reflected off the bonnet of the car. I suddenly didn't want to leave him, even knowing that I'd see him in only a few hours. 

"I love you," I said suddenly. 

"I love you too, and I don't think I'll ever be able to stop saying that," he answered, grinning. "Now, go and learn something interesting for me."

"I'll see what I can do," I laughed with a grin, blowing him a kiss as I shut the door. 

Jay waited until I'd gone inside before he waved and drove away. I don't think I'd ever been as happy as I was at that point. 

***

Practically skipping into English, I saw Mina sat with her friends and hesitated. I'd been avoiding her all week and knew that she needed an explanation. When she looked up and saw me, she just grinned widely and waved. I smiled back and came over to her, slipping into the seat beside her. She threw her arms around me suddenly and kissed my cheek. 

"Hey, Kaidan," Mina said with her enthusiastic grin. 

"Hey, Mi... Sorry I've been avoiding you, I--"

"Sam told me. Well, I cornered him and demanded that he tell me what was going on. I told him that if he didn't, I'd castrate him, so don't be angry," she said casually with a small shrug as she sat back. 

"You know... You're actually the weirdest person I've ever met."

"Even weirder than Jay?"

I hesitated. That was a tough one. "Yeah, even weirder than Jay, though not by much."

"You seem a lot happier now anyway," she noted. "Is everything better?"

I smiled to myself as I thought about yesterday when Jay tried to cook me breakfast. "Yeah, it--"

"Wait," she snapped, grabbing my face in her hands and turned me side to side so she could look at me better. "You got your lip pierced, and your ear."

"Uh, yeah," I said with a faint blush. "Jay and I went into town yesterday."

"Let me guess: he persuaded you to get them done."

"He's very convincing, okay?" I mumbled, pulling my face from her grip. 

She just rolled her eyes. "Jay absolutely loves piercings. We went out to a party sometime and he got drunk off his ass, to the point where he started going down on this girl in the middle of the party and--"

"Mina," I said quickly, covering her mouth. "I don't need to hear about that, thanks."

"So you don't hate him? I'm confused," she said, muffled by my hand, which I took back.

I raised an eyebrow. "I just told you that I was with him yesterday and you're asking if I hate him."

She hesitated, thinking about it for a moment. "Okay, true. So what happened yesterday?"

I explained everything, starting with Jay nearly burning my kitchen down, to when we got home - though I managed to avoid mentioning sex or sex toys, a task which was made significantly more difficult by the butt plug vibrating softly inside me. 

"Wow..." she said quietly by the end. We'd ended up whispering after the teacher walked in, but at that moment I cared more about Mina understanding than some stupid poem. 

"And this morning he was crying in my bathroom because he had a dream that I'd left him," I murmured, pretending to take down the notes on the board. 

"Seriously? Jesus... He's seriously in love with you."

"Yesterday he asked me to move in with him, because that way he knows I love him."

"Fuck, honestly? What did you say?"

"I said not yet."

"When will you start thinking about it? Jay rarely leaves a subject alone once he's broached it."

"I don't know," I admitted. 

That was something to think about. This morning in the car, I hadn't wanted to leave him at all, and I absolutely adored the idea that he'd be waiting for me once I finished for the day. I wanted him to always be waiting for me. I wanted to have a life with him, teach him how to love himself, how to let others into his life, how to use his 
damn
 oven. I wanted something we could call ours. 

"Now," I said suddenly, a lot louder than I'd intended. 

"Kaidan, you've been talking through my whole lesson, can I talk to you outside please?" the teacher at the front said, exasperated.

I got up, gathering my things and followed him out of the room. He told the others what to do until he got back. 

"Kaidan, what has been up with you recently? Two weeks ago you start skipping assignments, daydreaming, then last week you looked like a zombie. What's going on? You know you can talk to me."

"My life has changed a lot," I told him simply, holding my books closer to my chest.

"Is everything okay?"

"Everything's... perfect."

He frowned in confusion. Suddenly my phone rang and I rushed to answer it, seeing Jay's name on the caller ID. I grinned as I answered. 

"Hey," I breathed, just wanting to hear his voice. 

"Hey, boo. I miss you," he murmured. I could just imagine his pout. 

"You saw me about half an hour ago, babe," I told him with a grin.

"Does that mean I can't miss you?" he challenged. 

"Of course not."

Jay chuckled softly. "Hey, babe, guess what. I love you."

"I love you too," I said softly, grinning. 

I completely forgot about my teacher stood right next to me, and I definitely didn't see his angry expression. 

"How's your... predicament?" 

"It's not too bad, since you helped me out earlier."

"You know I'll help you out like that anytime, babe," he chuckled softly. A child screamed in the distance. "Jackie! Ja-- Shit, I need to stop them from killing each other. I'll see you later, yeah?"

"Yeah, I--"

Suddenly the phone was tugged from my grip and I was faced with the teacher's furious gaze. He hung up the phone and shoved it back into my hand. He pointed down the hall. 

"Go and talk to Mrs. Alpin. 
Now
," he ordered. 

I shrunk back from the tone of his voice but turned and walked quickly down the hall towards the principal's office. I quickly sent a text to Jay:

In trouble. Speak soon x

I didn't check to see if he replied before I ended up in front of her door. I hesitated before knocking. 

"Come in," Mrs. Alpin called. 

I opened the door reluctantly. She smiled widely when she saw it was me and gestured to the chair opposite her. I came in, shutting the door behind me. 

"What can I do for you, Kaidan?" she asked, turning away from her computer. 

"Mr. Lewis sent me to see you," I admitted quietly, sinking into the too-soft chair. 

Her eyebrows shot up into her hairline. I'd rarely been in trouble, but I'd never been sent by a teacher.

"What for?" she asked, trying to stay calm. "Kaidan, you know that piercings are not correct attire."

"Um, yeah, sorry... I was talking to my friend in his lesson and then I answered my phone when he was talking to me in private..."

She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "That's just impolite, you should know that. I've been told by all of your teachers that your grades are slipping, and you've certainly not been mentally present is lessons recently. I'm beginning to worry, especially with regards to your grant."

"I know, I--"

"And you have always been the most polite young man that I've had the grace of knowing. What happened? Did you fall in with the wrong crowd? Because, you know that certain people are more easily influenced than others."

I sat quietly, listening to her go on. I took the time to contemplate more on my thoughts from earlier about my life with Jay. Everything would be amazing. We'd have the rabbits he wanted, and anything else, because all I wanted to do was make him happy and--

"Kaidan, you're not even listening!" Mrs. Alpin exclaimed suddenly. 

"I'm leaving," I blurted out. 

She blinked in surprise. "Sorry?"

"At the end of term, I'm leaving. Thank you for everything you've done for me, but this isn't the life I want." I stood up, pulling my bag over my shoulder. She was just sat there, her mouth opening and closing as she searched for something to say. "I'll do my best for the rest of the term but after the holiday, I won't be coming back."

I walked out confidently, my head held high. I headed back to my classroom before the gravity of what I'd just done hit me. Suddenly I couldn't breathe, my hands started shaking and I had to lean against the wall so I didn't collapse. Slowly, I slid down the wall until I was sat on the floor. 

My hands shook as I tried to type out another text to Jay.

I think I just made a really bad decision

***

"You 
what
?" he shouted at me as he drove me home. 

"I said I was leaving," I repeated, still feeling numb. 

"Kaidan... This was your chance for a proper life, not one like mine. Kay... You have to go back there, tell them you didn't mean it, you--"

"I'll stay for the next week and a half but then I'm leaving. And I'll find something else to do."

"Don't go into porn, please," he begged quietly, his knuckles white from where he was gripping the steering wheel too tight. 

"No," I said firmly, "I won't. I need to ring Rob and say I'm not... Hey, maybe you and me could start a stripping duo."

That managed to pull his lips into a small, reluctant smile. The air was quiet after that, but tense. I just wanted to reach over and touch his leg, make sure that he was okay, make sure that 
I
 was okay. I didn't have to when Jay did that for me, lacing his fingers through mine tightly. 

"I love you, Kaidan, and if this is what you want, I'll support you, okay? Anything you want, I want too."

I nodded quietly, holding his hand in my lap. 

"How do your wrists feel?" I asked, turning his hand over to look at it.

"Fine, I guess. One of the kids grabbed me earlier but Jackie made sure it was clean for me."

 "One of your friends?" I asked, looking up at him, trying to see if he was more relaxed. 

"One of the founders of the charity," he said with a nod. 

"How was today anyway?"

He smiled and looked at me briefly before started on a tale of how his morning had passed. After a while, I ended up just staring at him and wondering how I could have been so lucky. 

***

Sitting on my bed, I tried to take deep breaths. Jay was busy styling his hair, his low-waist jeans cupping his backside perfectly. I paused my panicking, watching him. 

"Kaidan, you really need to calm down. Honestly, babe, it's going to be fine," he said, throwing me a reassuring smile over his shoulder.

I nodded slightly and took a deep breath. "I'm just nervous."

"Why, exactly?" he asked, turned back to the mirror. 

"Well, you're the only person I've ever done anything with, and these are your friends - our friends - and I don't want them to regret it afterwards or something."

Jay fell quiet, hesitating as he ran some gel through his hair. He glanced at me briefly in the mirror and then looked at the floor for just a moment before starting on his hair again. 

"What's wrong?" I asked, noticing the expression on his face. "And don't say 'nothing'."

"I... I just..." he trailed off, as if he was trying to find the right words. He straightened up and turned around slowly, looking everywhere but at me. "Like you said, you've never been with anyone else, and what if... You like them better than you like me?" 

"Oh, Jay..." I breathed. Standing, I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around him tightly, resting my head on his shoulder. "Even if I did - which I sincerely doubt, I couldn't suddenly stop loving you. Just because I fell in love with you quickly, doesn't mean I'll fall 
out
 of love with you just as fast."

He seemed slightly placated by that, nodding slightly and pressing his cheek into my hair. 

"Have you spoken to your psychiatrist about your self-worth problems?" I asked gently, stroking the skin of his chest where his T-shirt stopped. 

"I think she's given up with that; she's been trying for at least two years," he muttered unhappily. "I'm seeing her tomorrow afternoon if you want to come with me, though I can't say it'll be very interesting."

"I'd love to come with you, if you want me to," I said, looking up at him with a smile. 

 He nodded a little and let go of me, stroking my cheek briefly. "Did anyone ask about your hickeys?"

"Mina spent the whole of our lunch break teasing me about them. She also tried to tell me a story about your piercing kink."

He groaned and leaned down to rest his head on my shoulder. "Oh, God. You told her to shut the hell up, right?"

"Of course I did. You're with me now, I don't need to hear about any skanks from your past," I muttered, unable to help the slight bitterness in my voice. 

Jay laughed slightly, rolling his eyes as he straightened up. "A lot of those 'skanks' are good friends, but I see your reasoning. If anyone else had touched you before I had, I'd want to... I don't know, I'd want to do something to them. Are you ready to go to Finn's?"

I took another deep breath and nodded. "Are you?"

He ruffled his hair with his hand so it was it's usual messiness. "Yep. Want to stay at mine tonight?"

"That'd be great," I said with a nod. 

"Finn left some of your stuff at mine. The stuff that was in the washing basket, mainly. I think Ollie washed them over the week sometime."

I nodded, grabbing my phone before Jay took my hand and pulled me towards the door. I think I was subconsciously digging my heels into the ground because I was so nervous. No matter how much Jay reassured, promised, smiled, the anxiety wouldn't go away. He seemed to realise this because he was holding my hand, firmly but softly, and running his thumb over the back of it slowly. My heart slowed slightly at the action, calming slightly. All I could do was not freak out completely. 

When Jay opened my door for me, he did my seatbelt too, kissing me while he did it. He smiled reassuringly before he shut the door and went around to get in too. The drive to Finn and Ollie's wasn't long, though our comfortable silence was eating at me. I turned on the radio, turning up the volume. The music was crappy, but at least it was background noise. I relaxed slightly, beginning to feel more excited than nervous now. 

"Okay, babe?" Jay asked as we turned onto their street.

"I think so. You'll take care of me, right?" I murmured with a pink blush. 

He smiled sweetly. "Of course I will, boo. I wouldn't dream of throwing you to the horny little submissive alone."

I laughed slightly, squeezing his hand. I wasn't sure when his hand had snaked into mine, or even who's idea it was, but the touch was comforting. Jay pulled into the drive and parked in his usual space; it seemed like he had his own parking space at their house, which only further convinced me that they were practically Jay's parents (though I didn't think parents would be arranging a foursome).

Jay got out of the car and quickly came round to help me out, wrapping an arm around my waist to hold me against him. I shivered at the chill in the air and pressed closer to his warmth. No matter what, Jay always seemed absolutely roasting, even in his simple T-shirt and jeans. I'd managed to convince him not to wear skinny jeans because Finn would be just as frustrated with them as I was. At that, he just pouted and sulked for a good few minutes. 

As Jay knocked on the door, my nervousness came back. He rubbed my side comfortingly and smiled down at me. Some music inside was being turned down and a few moments later the door was opened. Ollie was grinning shyly, his hair falling into his eyes when he looked at the floor for just a moment. 

"Hey," he said, a slight blush darkening his cheeks. 

"Hey, Ollie," Jay said, pulling me closer to him. 

"You look good," I said suddenly, unable to stop the surprise from entering my voice. 

Ollie glanced down at himself and blushed even more. It was true though; Ollie's usually simple, practical clothes had been discarded in favour of a grey tee with a low V neck front and a black pair of jeans. 

"Thanks," he murmured, pushing his hair back. "You too."

I was blushing as well, leaving Jay chuckling to himself. 

"Okay, boys, let's stop blushing like virginal maidens and go inside. It's cold," he reminded us, still grinning. 

Ollie stepped aside to let us in, shutting the door behind us. 

"Finn's fiddling in the play room at the moment if you want to go and find him," he told Jay, glancing at me briefly in a way that said he was 
telling
 Jay to go so he could talk to me. 

Jay looked between us hesitantly before he kissed my cheek softly and squeezed my hand, heading upstairs. Ollie grabbed my hand instead and his sudden touch sent a weird thrill through me. The nerves came back once again. He pulled me into the living room, where he turned the soft classical music off, sitting on the sofa with me. 

"How've you been?" he asked gently, releasing my hand. 

"Good," I said with a nod. "I, uh... I quit college this morning."

His eyes went wide and he was silent for almost a full minute. I shifted awkwardly under his disbelieving gaze. 

"Is that what you want?" he eventually said. 

"I think so..."

"Is this because of Jay?" he asked, sounding slightly annoyed. 

"What, no? I beginning to rethink it before Jay came into my life. I think I'll have to pay the money they've spent on me..." I mused before shaking my head. "I'll deal with that when I come to it."

He nodded understandingly. "How's Jay been with you?"

"Perfect," I admitted with a happy smile. "He tells me he loves me at every moment he can, and he never seems to want to stop touching me."

Ollie smiled too. "Bless him. Are you happy?"

"The happiest I've ever been."

"Good. That's all that matters. By the way, are you sure about tonight? You two have only just sorted things out, so I wouldn't want a night with Finn and I to ruin that."

I rolled my eyes and leaned forward to kiss him firmly. It took a moment for him to respond but when I pulled away after a few seconds, we were both blushing and smiling slightly. 

"It's fine," I insisted. "I promise."

Ollie nodded, finally giving in to me. If only Jay could be dealt with this easily... After a moment's hesitation, Ollie pulled me back to kiss him again, his hands fisted in my shirt before his arms snaked around my neck to pull me closer. I wasn't really sure whether to take charge or not, given Ollie's submissive nature, but I didn't have to make that decision when Ollie suddenly pushed me onto my back and crawled onto me, crashing his lips against mine. I moaned slightly in surprise, grabbing onto his shoulder. 

"Well this is hot," Jay's voice came from the doorway. 

Ollie gasped and pulled back quickly, sitting up. He was straddling me and didn't seem to be making a move, which I was totally fine with at that moment. Finn was stood just a little bit behind Jay, watching us with darkened eyes. I blushed even more hiding my face behind my hands. 

"Aw," Jay laughed slightly, coming over. "Don't be embarrassed, boo. I want to see you two doing a lot more than just kissing," he admitted with a grin. 

I blushed more and glanced up at Ollie, who was blushing too, though I could feel the slight pressure of his growing erection against my stomach. Jay leaned forward and kissed Ollie for just a moment. 

"Happy early anniverary, Ollie," he said with a happy smile. 

"Thanks," he said quietly, hugging Jay. 

I could have sworn I heard Jay whisper a faint 'thank you' before he stood back. Finn came over quietly, stroking Ollie's face. Ollie looked like he would have purred if he were capable, his eyes closing slightly in pleasure at the touch. 

"We'll keeping tonight vanilla, so you don't have to worry about this little slut being too kinky," Finn said to me with a teasing grin. Ollie just blushed again, peeking up at his Master. 

"Thanks," I said in a quiet whisper. 

To be honest, that was something that had been plaguing my mind; I'd often heard Jay and Finn joking about things like chains and spanking and a wide rage of other things that practically instilled fear in my heart. 

"Where are we doing this then?" Jay asked, stroking his hand absentmindedly down Ollie's back. 

"Well, there's our room, the play room, one of the spare rooms," Finn answered with a shrug. 

"The play room has the biggest bed," Ollie pointed out, opening his eyes. 

"We don't want to scare Kaidan, love. Especially not with some of the new toys we bought last week."

Ollie giggled slightly and bit his lip. Finn just rolled his eyes. 

"I don't mind being in there," I interjected quickly. "If that's okay with you, I-I mean that's private to you guys."

"I don't mind at all," Ollie said, to which Finn nodded. Clearly he didn't either. "Finn sent me shopping this afternoon so we're all fully stocked for condoms and stuff if we need it."

I blushed at the nonchalance in his tone, as if this was an everyday conversation. I just nodded in response, unsure what to say. 

"Ollie, take Kaidan upstairs please. Jay and I will be there soon," Finn instructed, taking his hand away from his hair. 

Ollie nodded quickly and climbed off me, grinning widely. He grabbed my hand and pulled me up, quickly leading me upstairs. He turned the key that was sat in the lock of one of the doors I'd noted but never paid much attention to. He glanced at me briefly before he opened it, leading me inside. 

My eyes went wide as I looked around. The centre piece of the room - a large bed with black silk sheets - didn't even take up most of the room; there was all sorts of furniture around the room that I didn't even want to think about the purpose of. Instead of looking around, I focused on Ollie, who was stood in front of me, peeking up at me through his lashes while he played with the neck of my T-shirt. He bit his lip and pulled it up a little before he glanced at me for consent. I just nodded, trying to control my breathing. 

He smiled slightly and pulled it up over my head, throwing it to the side before his fingers trailed down my chest to the top of my jeans. I nodded again when he looked up at me. Slowly, he undid my jeans, dragging the zip down with a slowness that rivalled Jay when he was purposefully being irritating. 

"Ollie," I whined slightly, looking at him. 

He grinned wickedly and leaned forward to kiss me, trailing his fingertips over my growing cock before he pulled them down. I kicked my shoes off, not really caring where they went. Ollie laughed slightly against my mouth, pulling away to look at me. I quickly pulled his shirt over his head while he was distracted. 

Ollie got down onto his knees, nipping at the bulge in my boxers playfully. I gasped, grabbing his hair. Slowly, he pulled my jeans down, pausing to let me step out of them, before he did the same with my boxers. I blushed red when he took my cock in his hand, stroking slowly. I couldn't help a low moan from escaping. 

"Couldn't even get to the bed without wanting a cock in your mouth, Ollie?" Finn's voice said from the door. 

Ollie looked up at him and batted his eyelashes sweetly. Still looking at Finn, he wrapped his tongue around me, lapping like a kitten. I moaned again. Jay strode past Finn, his eyes focused solely on me. Standing behind me, he gripped my hair and pulled my head back so he could force his tongue into my mouth. I moaned, unconsciously tightening my grip on Ollie's hair. 

"Ollie, get up," Finn ordered. 

Jay pulled away just as Ollie hesitated, something I didn't remember ever seeing him do when it came to Finn. He pouted but got up and stood in front of us. Finn pointed to the centre of the room, where Ollie went, without pause this time. Without being asked, he finished undressing and stood naked in front of the three of us. Finn raised an eyebrow at him expectantly, crossing him arms and taking on that stance that even made me want to give in to him. Ollie bit his lip slightly, going over to the bed.

"Are you going to fuck me, Master?" he asked as he crawled onto the bed, sitting back and spreading his legs. 

Finn chuckled softly. "Maybe I will, maybe I won't. Maybe I'll let Jay have his way with you."

"Mm," Jay mused, kissing at my neck softly. "That's an idea. What do you think, baby?"

It took me a moment to realise he was talking to me. "That could be interesting," I mumbled. I wouldn't have wanted to admit that the idea of watching Jay messing about with Ollie was a turn on. "Go on then."

He grinned against my neck and walked towards the bed, crawling onto it and kissing Ollie, though - I noted happily - not with as much passion as when he kissed me. I watched for a moment before I went over to Finn, more shyly than I had been with Ollie. He smiled reassuringly and cupped my face before he kissed me gently, more gently than I would have thought him capable of. I lifted my hands hesitantly before I hardened my resolve and started undoing the buttons of his shirt. His lips curled into a smile against mine as he ran his hands up and down my bare back. 

After seeing him, angry and firm, with Ollie, this soft side of him really made me understand why Ollie was so infatuated with him. If he'd acted with me like he did with Ollie, I wouldn't have known what to do but tell him to stop. He must have known that, if his gentle caresses and soft kisses showed anything. 

"If you're too gentle with him, he won't want me," Jay joked, though I knew it was a serious worry of his. 

Finn chuckled. "He's let you make his neck one giant hickey, I don't think he plans on leaving you any time soon."

"Right here, guys," I murmured, opening my eyes a little. 

I pushed Finn's unbuttoned shirt off his shoulders, leaning up to kiss at his jaw slightly. He let out a shaky, soft moan when I got to a certain spot. I grinned slightly and nipped at his skin there. He grabbed onto my wrists, as if that was the only way he could take control of the situation. I pulled back after just a moment and tugged my wrists free, taking his hand and pulling him towards the bed. 

Jay was naked now too, a sight I took only a moment to admire. I climbed onto the bed, crawling over to Ollie and kissing him again, running my fingers down his chest to his cock. His breath caught in his throat when I took him in my hand, stroking him slowly. He moaned softly against my mouth, pulling away for a moment. 

"Kaidan..." he whispered, letting his head fall back against the pillow. 

Jay reached over and lifted my face slightly so he could kiss me, his hand joining mine around Ollie's cock. After a few awkward pulls, we settled into a rhythm that had Ollie arching off the bed and whimpering. Jay pulled away from my mouth after a little while and grinned at me widely. Suddenly his lips wrapped around one of Ollie's nipples, playing with it. Ollie moaned loudly, arching up. Finn chuckled softly, grinning at Jay as if enjoying a shared joke. Jay grinned back, Ollie's nipple trapped between his teeth with his tongue lathing at it. The sight of him like that was so hot that I just wanted to grab him and fuck him. 

Ollie was grasping at my hair as if it was the only thing keeping him horizontal on the bed, panting raggedly. 

"Master, please," he gasped out, arching again and opening his eyes to look at Finn who was just standing at the foot of the bed and watching. "I need you."

"When do you not?" he teased, smirking. He looked thoughtful for a moment. "Jay, stop. Ollie, get on your hands and knees."

Ollie seemed to sigh with relief when Jay sat back and our hands came off his cock. He didn't hesitate in carrying out Finn's orders, steadying himself on all fours. I sat awkwardly at the side, unsure what to do. I glanced to Finn for direction. He smirked and pointed to Ollie's head. I blushed slightly and shuffled to sit in front of him. Finn came to the side I'd just vacated and ran his fingers softly through Ollie's hair before suddenly gripping hard and pushing his head towards my cock. I had no doubts that my face was practically red. 

Ollie didn't hesitate, pause, grumble or seem reluctant in any way to lick at me before taking me all the way into his mouth. I gasped in surprise, grabbing his shoulder. When he sucked hard and pulled up, I moaned loudly, my head falling back against the wall. Jay crawled up to sit closer to me, kissing over my face and neck before finally pressing his lips to mine. I sighed happily, moaning against him when Ollie lightly scraped his teeth over the head. He really knew what he was doing... 

None of us seemed to notice Finn getting up and going to one of the drawers on the other side of the room, returning with a bottle of lube. He squirted some over his fingers before he suddenly pushed two inside of Ollie. He moaned loudly in surprise, pushing his hips back. The vibrations of his throat when he moaned had me moaning too, arching closer to Jay. 

"Surprisingly tight, Ollie," Finn noted, as if he was observing the weather. "Maybe I haven't been using you properly."

Ollie mewled, pulling off of me to rest his head against my thigh. His hot breath fanned against my wet cock, sending a shiver right through me. 

"Master, please," Ollie begged breathlessly, closing his eyes. 

"I don't think so, especially when our guests haven't had a turn with you. Would you like a go with him, Kaidan?" he asked with a wide grin. I just shook my head, blushing again without even meaning to. "Jay?"

"Don't mind if I do," he chuckled, crawling over to next to Finn, pecking his lips briefly. 

Jay whispered something that made Finn grin widely and nod. I would have been curious but Ollie chose that moment to take my cock back into his mouth, bobbing his head enthusiastically, making me moan loudly and arch my hips into his mouth. Watching Jay and Finn through hooded eyes, Jay lubed up his fingers and pushed two in right on top of Finn's. Ollie moaned shakily around me, shivering. Whatever he gasped out was garbled and muffled by my dick in his mouth. Finn looked at Jay for a moment before kissing him roughly. Jay responded immediately, pressing closer and opening his mouth for Finn's tongue, moaning when he was given what he wanted. 

I couldn't help myself as I got closer and closer, panting heavily. 

"O-Ollie," I gasped out, trying to stop myself from coming. 

Finn reached forward and grabbed Ollie hair again, pulling him up off me. I whined slightly, the need for release rising as the feeling ebbed away. I looked to Finn for an explanation. He grinned slightly. 

"Not yet, Kaidan," he murmured, his voice rough. 

At the same time, Jay and Finn pulled their fingers out of Ollie, leaving him whining and unsatisfied. Finn just chuckled, pulled him up and whispering in his ear. Slowly, a wide smile spread across Ollie's face as he looked at me. I felt slightly uncomfortable, knowing they were clearly talking about me. Jay came over and smiled reassuringly, kissing me gently. 

"I'm going to fuck you," Jay whispered against my neck, running his nose along my skin, his voice full of promise, "while Finn fucks Ollie, and you're going to suck each other's cocks."

I took a sudden shaky breath at that and closed my eyes briefly before nodding. 

"Yeah..." I murmured. "Yeah, that sounds good."

Jay grinned widely and suddenly flipped me onto my front, pulling me up so I was in the same position as Ollie was just a minute ago. I gasped in surprise, which was cut off by a moan when Jay pushed a lubed finger into me. He moved his finger quickly, adding a second one within moments. He spread them, adding a third. I was already stretched from having that damn butt plug inside me all day up until about two hours ago. His chest pressed against my back as he kissed at my shoulders.

"Ready, baby?" he asked quietly. 

"Oh, God, yes," I groaned, letting my head fall forward. 

Ollie grinned at me as he crawled underneath me, kissing at my stomach before he shuffled up further so he was right underneath my cock. Finn lifted his hips up so his cock was at my mouth. I licked at it for just a moment, loving the sound of Ollie's moan. He leant up slightly to return the favour, sucking the head between his lips. 

Finn slowly slid inside of Ollie and I had to admit - to myself, at least - the sight of his cock disappearing inch by inch inside of Ollie's welcoming body was so hot that I had to close my eyes for a moment. When Jay pushed inside of me firmly, I nearly came just from that. I moaned, pressing back against him. Ollie's hot mouth enveloped my cock a second later, sucking and licking happily. I leaned down to take him into my mouth. 

Jay started moving after just a second, moaning as he straightened up, holding my hips still so he could just pound into me - something he was soon doing, to the point that Ollie was having trouble. Finn began speeding up too, pushing hard inside of Ollie, making him moan loudly. His cock throbbed against my tongue and I knew that he was quickly getting close. I was already hanging right off the edge, only clinging on by a nail. A firm squeeze of my balls from someone - I couldn't tell who - and I just fell, coming into Ollie's mouth with a loud groan. He swallowed down happily, licking me clean. 

I didn't stop moving my mouth over his cock, determined to make him come soon. Finn seemed to come next if his shout and Ollie's little moan was anything to go by. Ollie's come shot down my throat just a moment later; he must have been holding out until Finn was satisfied. I pulled off Ollie, licking my lips to make sure everything was gone. He sagged into the mattress, panting heavily, his breath hitting my spent cock. Jay was just a second later, his come burning my insides as he came with a shout and a moan, panting. The four of us just stayed still for a moment before Jay pulled out of me and pulled me up so I could fall against him. 

Laying me down softly, Jay curled around me, nuzzling at my neck. Ollie was facing me just a second later, wrapped up in Finn's arms happily. I bit my lip before leaning forward and kissing him gently. He smiled and kissed me back, reaching up to touch my cheek for just a moment. Jay whined and pulled me closer to him. I laughed slightly, turning my head to look at him. He was pouting like a child, making me roll my eyes. 

"Mine," he murmured, narrowing his eyes slightly at Ollie. 

We both just laughed.

"Yes, definitely yours," I agreed, kissing him, which was awkward from the angle we were at. 

"Aw," Ollie cooed, "Jay's getting all jealous! Jelly Jay!"

"Well, he's my jelly Jay. My little jelly bear," I murmured as I rolled over to face him. 

He blushed slightly but smiled sweetly, rubbing his nose along the length of mine. 

"I love you, boo," he whispered. 

"And I love you, jelly bear."

He smiled as he buried his face in my neck, trying to get as close as he could. I stroked his back slowly, listening to his soft breathing that only got deeper as he fell asleep. I jumped a little in surprise when a blanket was being draped over us. I looked up, seeing Finn. He smiled widely and leaned down to kiss Jay's temple, then my cheek. 

"Thank you for everything you've done for him, Kaidan," he whispered as quietly as he could without stirring Jay. 

I just smiled and nuzzled at Jay's cheek, listening to the happy sound he made, like a sleeping baby. Finn went and turned the light off, shutting the door to before he came back and crawled in beside Ollie. They exchanged whispered words and what sounded like a kiss, which made me smile. 

Looking back on it, there really was no reason to be nervous. 

(A/N So... That was long XD I wrote it over two days so if there's a difference in writing styles, that's why. To celebrate chapter 69 (lol), I thought it would be good to have our foursome, with a bit of 69ing! I love our boys so much <3 Chapter dedicated to Sally_chan for her comment on the last chapter :D ~Beka)

(A/N OH AND BTW WE'VE GOT OVER 100K WORDS!!!! Currently at 102,418 <3 Thank you so much for standing by me while I've been writing this ~A very grateful, teary Beka <3<3<3<3<3<3)

# A/N

We have our first private KM chapter!

THIS IS NOT A DRILL

Repeat:

THIS IS NOT A DRILL

So... You might have got from that little thing right there that Chapter 69 as been autoset as private due to 'innapropriate' scenes *wink wink* 

You really don't want to miss it because:

1) It contains a lot of character development
2) It contains smut
3) It's 10,000 words long (yes, you read that right)

So to read the chapter you'll have to follow me :( There's a link on my profile if you're having trouble accessing the chapter after you follow me. 

Lots of love, Beka xoxoxox <3

# A MILLION READS

We just got ONE MILLION reads on Kissing Men!!!!! This definitely warrants some sort of celebration! 

I was thinking I could do one shots of any other the couples I write about (including background couples if there are any). Not necessarily from KM but SP and BTY as well :D 

I've been wanting to take prompts and stuff from you guys for so long now <3 

Hey, maybe we could make our own fandom on AO3 ;) How awesome would that be! 

I just want to say thank you so much to everyone who's ever supported me, voted on a chapter, read a chapter, commented, messaged me, answered one of my questions, anything. I wish I could go round and thank each and every one of you but I can't. You guys mean the world to me ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

# Chapter Seventy

"Finn," I heard someone whisper as I stirred. 

There was a quiet grunt in return and a sniff. I fell back into sleep and cuddled closer to the warm body around me. A happy little sigh came in response. Yawning slightly, I opened my eyes sleepily, automatically running my hand along the side of the body in front of me. I frowned slightly when the body lacked the muscles and scars that Jay did. Who was I with? I looked up at whoever had their arms wrapped around me and smiled. Ollie. 

"Stay still," he grumbled, eyes still shut. 

I laughed a little, nuzzling into his neck. "You're just so soft."

Ollie opened one eye, looking at me for a moment before he closed it again and rolled onto his back, an arm still around me. I stretched slightly before I got myself comfy against Ollie. Finn and Jay were grinning at us from the other side of the bed. Jay's eyes twinkled with a sweet happiness that I hadn't seen in him before. 

"You two are so cute," Finn mused with a smile, his hair all over the place. 

I blushed and muttered, "Shut up."

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were trying to steal my boyfriend," he teased, smile turning into a small grin. 

"And what if I was?" 

Jay answered then. "I might have something to say about that, boo."

I laughed slightly, smiling as I snuggled even closer to Ollie. He was softer than Jay, a thin layer of fat making him more cuddly than anything else, whereas Jay had his muscles. I held my hand out to Jay, who crawled over. He sat beside me, crossing his legs. 

"Did you sleep well, boo?" he asked sweetly, leaning down to kiss me gently. "Your lip's swollen."

I frowned and touched my lip, finding the piercing that I'd completely forgotten about. I blushed slightly, remembering last night. "I blame Ollie and a certain stripper for being so rough with me," I teased, grinning up at him. 

"Well, certain stripper is sorry and hopes it doesn't hurt too much," Jay replied, rubbing his nose against my cheek, making me giggle slightly. 

"I wasn't too rough, was I?" Ollie asked, concerned. He sounded like he'd woken up a bit more. I looked up at him and he looked anxious, waiting for my answer. 

I smiled in response. "Definitely not. It was perfect, thank you."

"No," Ollie said, "thank you. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did." He was shy now, nervous in case I didn't like it as much as he did.

"It was honestly perfect," I whispered, hesitating before kissing him again softly. His lips curled into a small smile against mine before he pulled back.

"You two are so adorable," Finn murmured before he shuffled up to lie on the other side of Ollie. "Aren't they, Jay?"

"Definitely," he said with a smile, kissing my shoulder.

"Is anybody hungry?" Ollie asked, moving to get up. 

I just tightened my arms around him so he couldn't move. "Today is your day off. For now, anyway."

Finn chuckled. "I think that can be allowed."

Ollie glanced between us hesitantly, unsure what to do. He looked to Finn, who nodded, and relaxed, lying back against the mattress. 

We spent most of the morning in bed, just chatting about things. The whole time, Ollie and I were wrapped up in each other with our boys either side, commenting now and then on how cute, adorable, hot, sexy, among other things, we were. We just rolled our eyes at how ridiculous they were. In truth, we both knew just how happy the other was, and we were secretly making plans for another night like this. 

***

When it came to leaving Ollie and Finn, Jay was hesitant. I just smiled at him and squeezed his hand, murmuring that we didn't have to go. At that he just shook his head and painted a little smile on his face. I don't think I'd ever stop being amazed by the beauty of Jay's true smile. 

"Come on," he said, wrapping an arm around my waist. "Let's get you home." 

I nodded and looked up at Finn, who was smiling to himself as he glanced between us. I hesitated before I leaned up to peck his cheek briefly. He just grinned and ran a hand quickly through my hair. 

"Thank you, Kaidan," he said softly, pulling me into a hug. 

I wasn't quite sure what he was thanking me for but I cuddled into his arms nevertheless. When Finn was gentle and sweet like this, I could completely understand Ollie's almost-obsession with him. 

Finn stepped back as Ollie stepped forward, placing a hand on his slave's lower back. I went to hug Ollie but instead he threw his arms around me and kissed me hard, gripping the back of my shirt in a fist. I laughed when he pulled back, a shy smile on his lips. 

"Will I be greeted like that every time I see you?" I teased with a grin. 

He blushed just slightly, smiling wider as well. "We'll have to see, won't we?" 

"I suppose so," I answered, hugging him firmly. He returned the embrace wholeheartedly, squeezing me briefly. 

"We'll go out for lunch this week," Ollie promised, though I clearly had no choice in the matter. For someone who spent all of his time submitting to and obeying another person, he could be incredibly bossy. "Just to escape from our boys."

"Hey," Finn said, narrowing his eyes briefly as he tugged Ollie closer to him, pressing the man against his side. "Cheeky so-and-so."

"Oh, you know I love you," Ollie retorted, his eyes shining happily as he looked up at Finn. 

"Maybe you'll have to show me." I could have sworn Finn's eyes flashed slightly, an eyebrow raising suggestively. 

Ollie grinned in response, biting his lip to try and stifle it. He gave me another quick hug before he leaned up to kiss Jay briefly. When he turned, he nearly fell over himself in his attempt to get upstairs as quickly as possible. Finn chuckled softly and turned back to us. 

"Thank you for doing this, guys," he said affectionately, looking between us. "I mean it. I've not seen Ollie this relaxed in a while. Maybe our holiday will sort that out a bit."

"Maybe you should send him to stay with Fiona for a couple days, so he can just relax and not have to worry too much about things," Jay suggested. I vaguely remembered that Fiona was Ollie's sister. 

Finn hummed thoughtfully before he shrugged dismissively and stepped forward to hug Jay, holding him close. Jay took a sudden shaky breath as if he was going to burst into tears. Finn smiled a little and rubbed his hand over Jay's back slowly, whispering something in his ear. Jay huffed a little laugh as he stepped back, smiling. 

"Take care of him, Jay," he said, nodding towards me. "You know what I'll do to you if you hurt him again."

If there was any chance I thought he was joking, Jay's solemn nod dispelled any of that. I took hold of Jay's hand again, squeezing briefly. Pulling me from the house, Jay lead me to the car, opening the door for me. Finn stood in the doorway to wave us off; Ollie was stood in the upstairs window, waving manically. I laughed and waved back, my cheeks beginning to hurt with how wide I was grinning. 

"You three are like a little family, it's adorable," I told Jay as he got into the car. 

He looked thoughtful for a second. "I suppose we are. You're a part of that now, boo. No escaping them." 

He grinned over at me as I laughed, turning to look out of the window while Jay started the car and began driving back to his. I didn't complain; his place was much nicer than mine. When Jay reached over to take my hand in his as he drove, I smiled widely again and ran my thumb over the smooth skin there. 

I looked down at his hands. They were soft, feminine almost. Pale compared to the rest of his skin, they were free of any imperfections; no dark marks, no rough callouses, not even a scar to mar them. There were some cute little freckles across his knuckles, which I kissed when I lifted his hand to my lips. 

"How come I ended up with Ollie last night?" I asked curiously, looking up at him while I gentle rubbed my cheek on the back of his hand. 

Jay's kept glancing at me briefly, smiling happily. "Apparently I started sleepwalking last night. Finn got me and took me to their bedroom, lying down with me. We woke up not long before you two did and you were wrapped around each other like that. It was so sweet to see." 

"You sleepwalk? I don't think you've ever done that before with me," I mused, a little frown on my face. 

"Usually only when I've got a lot on my mind."

"What have you been thinking about that's got you so worked up then?" I asked, stroking his hand again. 

"Us," he admitted quietly. 

My heart stopped. "You're not having second thoughts, are you?" 

"What? Oh God, no. Definitely not," he said quickly, throwing a slight scowl my way as if he was disappointed I'd even think that. I relaxed. "Just... Us. Our future. It's something I've never thought of before, with anyone. So... I'm not really sure where to go from here."

"We just take one day at a time," I answered with a smile. "We find out what makes us happy, what makes the other happy. We can go on dates, have awesome sex-" He grinned at that. "-and nothing has to be different."

He nodded thoughtfully and stayed quiet for a little while. To be honest, when I thought about where Jay and I would be in six months, a year, two even, I didn't know what I saw. All I knew that I wanted was for us to be together. And if that made me a romantic sap, fuck it. When I looked up at Jay after a minute or so, he was smiling happily to himself. 

"What?" I asked, his smile infectious. 

"Just thinking. I've never had a proper family before, I've never really wanted one. But I want one with you, Kaidan, whether we've got dogs, rabbits or even, fuck it, kids. One day I'm going to make you mine, boo. I'm going to buy you the most beautiful ring that I can find and I'm going to put it on your finger, if you'll have me." His voice got quiet and unsure towards the end. 

My heart was melting and I just wanted to cry with how happy I was. With a wavering voice, I told him to pull over. Jay looked anxious as he pulled into a lay-by. He opened his mouth to say something but I ignored him in favour of throwing my arms around him tightly, gripping the hair at the nape of his neck and fisting the fabric of the back of his shirt. Sniffing, I wiped the little happy tears away.

"Nothing would make me happier, jelly bear," I whispered against his neck, squeezing my eyes shut for a moment. 

Jay relaxed in my arms and returned the hug that I was practically crushing him in. Peeking up at him, he looked close to tears as well, so I leaned forward and kissed him gently. It was chaste, close-mouthed and sweet, but it meant so much more to me that any filthy, dirty kiss ever could. 

This was where I belonged: with Jay.  

(A/N Eeeehhhhh we're nearing the end now, my lovelies :( I don't want to let my babies go <\3 This was written on my iPad because I don't have any Internet at the moment so I couldn't do it on my laptop (so if it's shit, thats why). This chapter is dedicated to ClaireHelson, my bezzle frezzle for forcing me to write a chapter tonight >.< ~Beka)

# Chapter Seventy-One

When we got to Jay's place, neither of us could stop the massive grins on our faces, hands entwined and clutching. Jay turned the engine off after he'd parked and sat quietly for a moment, looking thoughtful. Just before I could ask him what was wrong, he spoke. 

"Race you to the door!" he exclaimed before dropping my hand and running to the door. 

I blinked in surprise for a moment before laughing and getting out, chasing after him. Jay, with his long legs and head start, got there a moment before me. I couldn't slow down quickly enough and ended up slamming into him, knocking the wind out of him. He laughed breathlessly and draped his arms over my shoulders, pressing a kiss to my lips. 

"You're amazing," he murmured, rubbing his nose against mine. 

I grinned, rolling my eyes. "Sure. If you say so, jelly bear."

"I do say so, so shush."

Chuckling slightly, I kissed him and stepped back so he could unlock and open the door. When he did, he took my hand and pulled me in after him, shutting the door behind me. 

"What do you want to do then?" Jay asked, loosely wrapping his arms around my waist. 

"Hmm... Cuddle with you," I answered, grinning again. 

"Cuddling sounds good," he mused, tipping his head to the side. 

I leant forward, kissing his neck gently. He hummed happily in response, closing his eyes slightly. I smiled a little, resting my head on his shoulder. 

"Would you ever want to do something like Finn and Ollie do?" I asked curiously, the thought crossing my mind. 

"Like what?" he said, looking down at me with a slight frown. 

"You know, the whole... bondage and dominance stuff."

"Oh, right." He was quiet for a moment. "The most I'd want to do is restrain you or something, maybe blindfold you. I wouldn't want to gag you, I like hearing you. Why, do you want something like that?"

I shook my head, playing with the hem of his T-shirt. "No, I was just curious."

"Alright. If you ever do want to try something, you just let me know, yeah?"

"You've got that questionnaire you made me do anyway," I murmured with a smile. 

He huffed a laugh. "That's around somewhere, yeah. Want to tick a few things off?"

"Hm... That sounds good. I don't even remember what I put on mine."

"It'll be upstairs."

Taking my hand again, Jay lead me up the stairs and down to a door I hadn't been in before. He seemed to hesitate before he opened the door and went in, pulling me behind him. He flicked the light switch on and let go of my hand at the door to go to a desk on the other side of the room. 

I looked around quietly. There were a few shelves with small trophies or medals on. Curious, I went to him, peering down to look at the little plaque on them. They were for pole dancing, so Jay had been in competitions? There were some framed photos on the shelf too, some of him holding the trophy with some other people, grinning widely. He looked ridiculously young there, though it couldn't have been that long ago. The stress and worry lines weren't there in his face, not like they are now. 

I glanced over at Jay; he was sifting through a filing cabinet cabinet, biting at his bottom lip slightly. Smiling a little, a looked around the rest of the room. The walls were covered in photos, some framed but mostly not. Going to the ones nearest me, I blinked in surprise. The first one I'd looked at was of Jay and a woman dressed in some sort of corset. Jay was standing behind her, holding her breasts and resting his chin on her shoulder as he grinned at the camera. She was grinning too, dimples in her cheeks. A sudden shot of hatred for this woman had me moving on to the next photo. 

This one was Jay with a man. They were lying in bed with Jay's arm around the other guy as well as pointing at him with a shocked look on his face. The other guy looked like he was trying not to laugh as he had his arm up to take the picture. The next one was pretty much the same, and the one after that, and the one after that, and after that, and after that and... You get the idea. Despite feeling angry and jealous, I couldn't stop looking at them, moving along to look at them. 

After a few minutes, I bumped into Jay, who was leaning with his shoulder against the wall, watching me cautiously. I looked up at him briefly before glancing away, only to be faced with more of those pictures so I looked at the floor. With gentle fingers under my chin, Jay lifted my face so I looked at him again. 

"What are these?" I asked quietly. 

"Pictures I take after a shoot. It's kind of a tradition," he murmured, looking a little guilty. "I forgot about them. Plus, they don't really mean that much to me so I didn't think to take them down."

"It's fine, it's just... There's a lot of them..."

Jay seemed surprised that 
that
 was my issue with all of this. He kissed me gently, stroking my cheek. 

"I'll take them down while you're at college tomorrow," he promised. I just nodded. 

He smiled slightly and rubbed the length of his nose against mine, making me smile despite the situation. 

"I got our lists, come on," he said, taking my hand again. 

I switched the light off and pulled the door shut behind me, glad to leave behind the reminders of just how many people Jay had been with. Heading down the his bedroom - ours? - I pushed the pictures from my mind, knowing that I was the only one he'd wanted now, that he'd even quit to be with me. 

Jay crawled onto the bed and patted his lap for me to sit in it. I shuffled over to him on my knees and sat down on top of his crossed legs. He shifted me just a little before he held up the sheets of paper in front of him. I blushed slightly, remembering when I'd filled this in for him. 

"Some of this has probably changed," he said with a small shrug as he shifted from mine to his. 

"What do you mean?" I asked curiously. 

"Well... There's a lot of stuff that I'd let you do to me now, that I wouldn't have let anyone do before. Our relationship is different, so boundaries are going to be different."

I thought for a moment before nodding. He was right, and it wasn't just with regards to sex. I could tell him things, call him things, do things with him that I wouldn't have been able to do before now. Thinking about what he'd said in the car, about getting me a ring one day, starting a family, tears started in my eyes again. I turned around so I was straddling him and threw my arms around his neck, burying my face in him. 

"Kaidan?" Jay asked worriedly, putting a hand on my back. 

"I just love you so much..."

"Oh, boo... I love you too. Sometimes it confuses me, but I love you, and I don't think I could stop now that I do."

I leaned forward and kissed him firmly, pulling back with a watery smile. He smiled too and wiped my tears away, kissing me again. As I turned back around to sit in his lap, his arm went around my waist and held me as close as physically possible, his chest pressed to my back. 

"We haven't done half the stuff on this," I noted as I skimmed through the list. 

"No time like the present," he teased. 

Huffing a little laugh, I rolled my eyes. "I want to give you a massage though," I said, pointing at it on the list. 

"Well right now I really want to have a nice romantic bath."

"That's not on the list," I pointed out. 

"No, but that doesn't mean it's not happening."

"Fine, but I'm giving you a massage after."

Suddenly I was tipped to the side, falling onto the bed with a surprised gasp. Jay chuckled and pulled down the back of my shirt to kiss my spine. 

"I'm going to run the bath, you get naked."

I nodded weakly as he got up, going into the bathroom. He shot me a wink before he shut the door behind him. I frowned curiously, wondering what he was doing; he'd gone to the toilet before we'd left Ollie and Finn's.

I got up and started undressing, throwing my clothes into the washing basket. As I was stepping out of my boxers, I suddenly remembered that Jay had some candles in the drawer of his bedside table. I bit my lip and glanced at the bathroom door quickly before going to the side table and opening the bottom drawer. I grinned when I found the pack of red scented candles. The label said there were berry scented but whatever they were, they were amazing. I grabbed a few and set them on the side tables and around the room, ready to be lit when we got out of the bath. 

Thinking about other ways to set the mood, I went to Jay's rack of CDs. Glancing along the edges, I smiled at the eclectic mix; there was some old metal music, some R&B, rap, pop, and then - exactly what I was looking for - some ambience music. I pulled out one at random and looked over the track list. They all had names like 'Sleep' and 'Lullaby', which wasn't really useful, but the edges of it looked well-used so I assumed that Jay liked it. Putting it in the stereo, I sat on the bed and waited. 

When Jay opened the door, he was naked and grinning widely, holding his hand out to me. I smiled back and got up to take it. Before I reached him, Jay dimmed the lights in the bathroom and stepped aside for me to look at what he'd done. Apparently he'd had the same idea as me with the candles. They were dotted around the room, lighting it with a warm glow. I had to cover my mouth in surprise when I saw the bath. It was filled with bubbles and even had rose petals sprinkled in the bubbles. 

When I looked up at Jay, he was smiling sheepishly, shifting as if he was waiting for my approval. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him softly, twirling his hair around my fingers. 

"Yeah?" he whispered when I pulled away. 

All I could do was nod and smile widely, squeezing him before stepping back and letting him lead me to the bath. He got in first, spreading his legs in the large tub for me to sit between. I climbed in and snuggled close, my smile widening further when he wrapped his arms around my waist to hold me against him. 

"This is amazing," I said quietly, letting the bubbles and rose petals sift through my fingers. 

"I'm glad you like it. I was nervous that you'd think it was too cheesy," he admitted. 

"You could never be cheesy, babe and even if you were, it would just be adorable."

"I'm not adorable."

"You're a lot of things, Jaimie, adorable just happens to be one of them."

I ignored his little snort of derision in favour of running my hands along his forearms, smiling when he pressed a kiss to my shoulder. 

(A/N This took a couple hours to write because I was trying to get back into it after my depression got a lot worse. Feeling better now, thanks to my amazing friends who invited themselves around last night to cheer me up with pizza and Dorito's. I don't know where I'd be without them, and you guys of course :) Ellen, this little chapter is for you because it's not too filthy that it'll look weird ;) ~Beka)

# Chapter Seventy-Two

Jay and I spent a long time just relaxing in the bath, letting the water warm us while we enjoyed the contact between us. After a while, he reached for the vanilla shampoo we'd come to share, squirting some into his palm before lifting his hands to rub it into my head. Humming slightly at the feeling, I relaxed even more. He was gentle but firm as his fingers massaged my scalp, spreading the shampoo out before rinsing it. 

I turned awkwardly so I was facing him and got the shampoo too, doing the same to him. His eyelids drooped until they closed and he tipped his head forward slightly. I smiled happily at the relaxed, almost sleepy, look on his face. It was adorable and I just 
had
 to lean down and kiss his lips. He smiled a little too but didn't respond other than that. I took longer than necessary to shampoo his hair, just enjoying the feeling and the expression it left on his face. When I pulled away to rinse, he almost pouted. 

I chuckled and kissed him again, getting the conditioner that apparently made his hair easier to style. I didn't believe him but it made his hair so soft that I wasn't complaining. I gathered it on my fingers and ran it through the strands of gorgeous black hair. He relaxed once more, just letting me pamper him, not interrupting me except for the running of his hands all over my chest and back, eyes open slightly to watch. 

When I was done and the conditioner was rinsed, Jay got the body wash and glanced at the sponge as if debating the benefits of using it or his hands. Apparently he decided on hands, which I wasn't about to dispute. Grinning, I did the same when he handed me the bottle. It was some sort of expensive stuff that I'd never seen in the stores I shopped in. Jay had once said it was imported from France, to which I'd just rolled my eyes because 
of course
 it was from French--this was Jay we were talking about. 

He lathered the soap between his palms and rubbed at my skin with it, making sure to get everywhere. I gasped when he pinched my nipples while he washed my chest. He grinned cheekily and kissed my jaw. Realising I was still sat with soap in my hands, I lathered it up and started washing him. 

When I got to his wrists, I lightened my grip, using only my fingertips. He winced slightly but didn't otherwise complain, though I moved on quickly, not wanting to hurt him. He was at my thighs now, running up the inside of them to my cock. I gasped when he gave me a slow, firm stroke. He was still grinning cheekily. I leaned forward to nip at his lips in punishment. He just chuckled. 

When we were clean, he pulled me down to him and kissed me gently, licking at my lips. I opened for him happily, running my fingers into his wet hair slowly, licking forward to invite his tongue into my mouth. He moaned slightly and did, pulling me closer to him and digging his fingers into my back slightly. 

I gasped and pressed further against him. Slowly, Jay dragged his nails down my back before he got to my arse, gripping and kneading. I moaned slightly, pulling away. His eyes flew open and he looked like he was panicking that he'd done something wrong. I just grinned and kissed his nose to make him relax. 

"You had me worried there," he admitted, moving his hands to my hips.

"Sorry." Leaning forward, I rested my forehead on his, closing my eyes briefly. "Thank you for this, jelly bear."

His cheeks turned an adorable shade of pink and his lips curled into a shy smile. 

"I'm glad you like it. Maybe we should make it a weekly thing."

"I think that could be arranged."

We looked at each other in silence for a few moments before I leaned down to kiss him softly. His arms went around my waist to hold me close and I just wanted to start crying with happiness again. I'd never actually imagined myself like this; happy, in love, but here I was. Sure, Jay was damaged and his life had been - and still was - quite difficult, but he was 
trying 
to change that. He was trying to open himself up to me, to accept me into his heart, and he had. Slowly, surely - and totally unwanted at first - he'd fallen in love with me as much as I'd fallen in love with him. 

***

Eventually, Jay prodded me. I looked up at him and pouted; I'd been comfortable, sitting in his lap with my head on his shoulder. He smiled a little and ran his thumb along my jaw.

"We should get out now," he suggested, brushing some hair out of my face. 

A sudden shiver through my body told me that the water was, in fact, only luke warm now. How long had we been in? I nodded and stood up. He quickly kissed my belly button as I did. I just rolled my eyes and climbed out. Remembering the candles I'd set up in the other room, I bit my lip. I grabbed one of those ridiculously large fluffy towels that Jay kept hung over the towel heater and wrapped it around my waist, subtly grabbing the lighter from the counter. 

"I'll just be a second, okay?" I said, moving towards the door. "Just wait here."

I didn't get a change to notice Jay's reaction before I was out the door, pulling it shut behind me. I went around quickly, lighting the candles and altering their places so it looked the best and properly lit the room. I didn't have any massage oil but I could work around that, I suppose. I took a deep breath and reopened the bathroom door. Jay was leaning against the now empty bath, working a towel over his hair but otherwise completely bare. 

I bit my lip and took the chance to quickly look over him before I went over. Trailing my fingertips over his slight muscles, I looked up at him through my lashes to see him smirking curiously. 

"It's time for your massage now," I whispered. 

His eyes lit up at that, as if he'd forgotten. I couldn't help the wide smile that spread across my face, just seeing his happy expression. I took the small towel from him and threw it into the washing basket before lacing my fingers through his and leading him into the bedroom slowly. I glanced up at him to gauge his reaction to all of the candles. He grinned widely, teeth and all, as he looked around. I relaxed and took a deep breath, preparing myself. 

Dropping his hand, I went to the stereo and pressed play. Leading Jay to the bed was the easy bit, but trying to get him to lie on his front was significantly more difficult task. 

"But I want to see you," he whined, sitting in the middle of the bed, pouting like an upset child. 

"Please?"

"What if I want to touch you?"

"Then you'll have to wait. 
Please
, Jay. I want this to be special. Please?" He seemed to be changing his mind, but just to be sure, I said: "I'll make it up to you."

His eyes narrowed slightly but after a moment, he lay down and rolled onto his front. I grinned and shuffled to kneel between his legs. Running my hands up the backs of his thighs firmly, I rolled my eyes at his little huff of a sigh. Pulling the towel from around my waist, I moved to straddle his hips. He hummed happily, rubbing his hips back against me cheekily. 

"Stop it," I said, though I couldn't hide the smile in my voice. 

"Fine," he muttered, though he did. 

I placed my hands on Jay's lower back, hesitating for a moment before I used the heels of my hands to massage either side of his side. He groaned happily, arching into the touch. 

"Jesus, Kay... That feels so good."

"Yeah?"

He nodded and let me carry on. He crossed his arms to rest his head on and just relaxed under my touch. There were knots of stress around his shoulders that I rubbed at until they were gone. Jay was mostly quiet, but his little gasps and moans were enough to start getting anyone hard. I bit my lip and hoped that he wouldn't notice as I moved onto his arms, rubbing and kneading them. 

When I was done and it came to rolling Jay over, I was in a bit of a dilemma: roll him over and show him how turned on I was by all his little noises, or tell him that I was done. I took a deep breath and knelt up so that he could turn onto his back. He did so and I gasped in surprise. He was hard too, and not just a semi like I had, a full-on erection. 

"Please tell me there's more," he whispered, "it feels so good..."

"I... Yeah, there's more."

"Oh, thank fuck," he groaned, reaching up to pull me onto his lap.

I blushed a little at the feeling of his cock underneath me. He shuffled a little until I was sat on his pelvis and his cock curved between my arse cheeks. Jay rocked and rolled his hips, moaning at the friction. I squeezed my eyes shut and released a shaky breath. My own cock twitched in delight but I chose to ignore it in favour of massaging his chest and stomach. Jay grabbed my thighs, nails digging in, to keep me still so he could keep on rutting against me. 

"Kaidan, please," he whispered, eyes shut. "I want to fuck you, please... Please, boo... Shit..."

"L-Later," I answered quietly, though it pained me to say it. 

He whined but kept up his efforts, gripping at my skin with bruising strength. Eventually I gave up with my massage, just clutching at his shoulders so he didn't buck me off. His hips stuttered and his breath hitched, telling me he was getting close now. 

"Kay... I'm..."

"It's okay, baby, let it go when you want," I whispered breathlessly, eyes closed.

Jay groaned in response and thrusted against me quickly a few more times before he was coming with a moan. I gasped at the feeling of his come hitting my back and shuddered, still achingly hard. After almost a minute, Jay released his grip on my thighs and flipped us over. I landed on my front and gasped in surprise when my knees where pushed underneath me so my arse was displayed for him. 

Starting at my balls, he licked a long stripe all the way to the top of my spine, nipping the back of my neck before he went lower again. Short licks gathered up all of the come that had landed on me and little bites and nips stirred my arousal. 

"Reckon you could come just from my tongue?" Jay asked teasingly, his voice deep with lust. 

"Oh fuck," I gasped, my hips bucking just from his words. 

"Shall we give it a go, kitten?"

I just whined, pushing my hips back in a silent plea for 
anything
. He pulled my legs further apart and dove straight in, flicking his tongue against my hole and nipping at it. All I could do was moan and mewl, my face buried in the duvet cover. Slowly, bit by bit, Jay pushed his tongue inside me, ripping out a low groan. 

"So close, Jay..." I whispered, though whether he heard me or not was a complete guess with the way I was muffled. 

Jay pulled back for just a moment before a finger joined his tongue inside of me and he was rubbing mercilously against my prostate. 

"Shit!" I shouted, coming suddenly. 

Jay kept going, slowly coming to a stop as he practically milked me of everything I had. When he pulled away, I stayed as I was for just a few moments as he lay down beside me, looking very smug. I huffed a little laugh and stretched my legs out. 

"That wasn't just your tongue," I pointed out, panting. 

"No," he admitted, "but it was good, wasn't it?"

It wasn't even a question, just a statement. I just nodded, too tired to even roll my eyes. Smiling, Jay pulled me into his arms and nuzzled into my neck. I was thankful for his warmth; I was starting to get chilly. My eyes drooped and my limbs became lead. 

"I love you," Jay whispered into my ear.

"Love you too," I mumbled. "You know I wouldn't leave you, right?"

He pulled back and smiled happily.

"I know."

(A/N So... Yep... That's the end... Someone hold me... Please...  I... I have no words for how I feel right now. I really don't. It huuuuurts. I love you guys so much, I wouldn't be here without you. I probably wouldn't have ever got past chapter ten without your support and inspiration. You are my everything (apart from our boys (#Jaidan5lyfe)). 

 ~Eternal love and hugs from Beka xxx)

# Epilogue *Major Fluff Alert*

Fourteen months later...

"Are you up yet?" I asked, walking through our bedroom to get the laundry basket. 

There was a quiet groan and a huff in response. 

"Jay, you promised you'd be up," I whined. "I have to go out soon and the man's coming to service the boiler in the next hour." 

"I'm awake," Jay murmured from underneath the covers that he'd wrapped himself in. 

"Yeah but not 
up
."

"Can't you just leave the door open for him?"

Sighing, I set down the washing basket and walked to the bed, sitting on the edge and tugging at the covers until his face appeared. When Jay peeked up at me, one eye still closed, I couldn't help but smile. 

"I know you're tired, but please? I'm going to be late for lunch with Ollie."

"Again," he pointed out, smirking a little. 

"Hey, 
you
 were the one who climbed in the shower and started aggressively fucking me." 

"Mm..." he mused, clearly thinking about it. "What if I wanted to do it again?"

"I'm afraid you've already missed my shower."

"Who said I need a shower to take what I wanted?" he teased, rolling onto his back so he could look up at me. 

I rolled my eyes and pushed some of his long fringe behind his ear. 

"You need a haircut again," I told him. 

He shrugged. "Eh. I'll get round to it. And anyway, I can have you whenever I want."

"Only because I'm madly in love with you."

He grinned sweetly and leant up to kiss me softly. 

"Good to know."

We were quiet for a few moments, just looking at each other, before we starting laughing slightly. Jay managed to pull me back into bed with him and rolled on top of me so I couldn't escape. I didn't even fight, just rolling my eyes again. He nuzzled his nose against my cheek. 

"You're so cute like this in the mornings," I noted, running my fingers through the natural waves of his hair. "All sleepy and adorable."

"Cute and adorable aren't aesthetics I usually go for, you know."

I just hummed in response and ran my hands up and down the span of his back, feeling the ridges of the scars that were there. When I'd suggested using something to help them fade, he'd just shaken his head, and had never elaborated on his decision. 

"Remember we have date night tonight, after your pole class," I reminded him. 

He groaned slightly and huffed. "The girls will tease me about that again."

Smiling bemusedly, I asked, "Why?"

"They've never met you and they don't believe you exist."

I snorted, still rubbing at his sides. "Maybe I should give you a better hickey then."

"I'm down for that," he answered with a cheeky grin, gently kissing the fading love bite he'd left on me a few days ago. 

"You're 
always
 down for that."

"Touché."

"What do you want to do tonight?" I asked, snuggling into the pillow. I wasn't being released any time soon, may as well get comfortable. 

"I, uh..." He blushed and smiled shyly. "I want to paint you."

I grinned widely, heart pounding with excitement. Despite being together for over a year, it had only been a few months ago that Jay had told me about his art. He sketched, and painted, and drew, and made so many beautiful pieces that I couldn't believe they were real. He'd painted on me for a piece before, and then had made me model while he took pictures (I was surprisingly pleased with how they turned out), but he'd never painted me on a canvas. 

"I'd love to," I told him, kissing him again briefly. "Will I have to model again?"

He laughed a little and shook his head. "You can just sit however you want to. Yeah?" 

"That sounds good to me."

Jay smiled widely, his brown eyes shining a little, though there was something behind the smile that made me frown. Doubt? 

"You know that I love you, right?" he asked suddenly. 

"Of course. I love you too. What's brought this on?"

He sat up, now straddling me. He looked doubtful again, like he didn't believe that I knew he loved me. Jay had been acting weird recently, not meeting my eyes much, keeping quiet, thoughtful. Was he rethinking our relationship? 

"Jay, you're beginning to worry me," I whispered, fear gripping my heart. 

He blinked in surprise, eyes wide. "It's nothing like that, kitten, I promise. It's just..." He bit his lip, avoiding my gaze. "I got you a present."

I couldn't help a sudden relieved laugh and grinned. "How come?"

"I saw it and thought of you." He paused. "Okay, I spent weeks looking for something like it, and it just jumped out at me when Nick and I went shopping the other day. You've been so busy with all the charity events for August that I couldn't find the right time to give it to you..."

He leant to the side and opened the bottom drawer of his bedside table. 

"You kept it in the toy drawer? It's not another toy, is it? We have so many."

"Oh shut up, you can never have too many toys; you've seen Ollie and Finn's play room. Besides, it's my toy drawer, you wouldn't have looked there."

I rolled my eyes but didn't otherwise argue, just waiting patiently. What Jay handed me was a rectangle - a photo frame? - wrapped as best as Jay could, bless him. He fidgeted anxiously when I took it from him. 

I smiled reassuringly at him before I began to open it, excited. I couldn't help laughing slightly when I saw it. It was a collection of all the little headlines about us. But, smack-bang in the middle, was a colour photo of us kissing when we'd been at a charity event. I blushed as I remembered the quickie in the posh bathroom during someone's speech. Jay grinned a little too, clearly sensing my thoughts. 

I read over some of the headlines:

Known adult actor settling down? 

Mystery man captures pornstar's heart! 

New celebrity couple taking the charity world by storm 

I'd burst out laughing when I'd first read that last one. '
Celebrity
' couple... I definitely wasn't well-known enough for the C word and Jay wasn't exactly famous for wholesome things. Even now I gave it a little snort of derision. 

I noticed a small engraving along the bottom of the frame. I facepalmed, shaking my head slightly. '#Jaidan' it said. Jay was still using that damn hashtag, though it was more of an irony now. 

I looked up to thank him and pull him down to kiss me, and froze. Jay was stock still, eyes squeezed shut and his hands were trembling. Jay was holding a box. With a ring in it. An actual ring. As in, a band of metal that goes on your finger. It was beautiful. The band looked like... I didn't even know what it was made of, but it had three gorgeous green gemstones embedded in it. There was something engraved inside. 

I took it slowly, still unsure how to react. On closer inspection, the green gemstones shone even more brightly, throwing licks of light across the room. When I looked at the engraving, I laughed with a grin. Instead of something sweet and cute, it was the inscription from the One Ring out of Lord of the Rings. It was definitely memorable and just so... 
Jay
. 

"So..." he started awkwardly, blushing and smiling sheepishly. "Do you, uh... Want to be my husband maybe? At some point. Y'know, not right 
now
 because that's.... You know, and-"

I grabbed him by the back of the neck and pulled him down to kiss him firmly, partly to shut up his rambling and partly because I thought I was going to start crying. He'd said he'd do this, but that was over a year ago, and I was sure he'd been emotionally drunk or joking at the time. 

"Jesus H. Christ," I whispered when I pulled away, closing my eyes as I rested my forehead on his. 

"You've been watching too much American Horror Story," he pointed out. 

"Hey, you went halfway across the world for a photo shoot. For a week. That's, like, seven days." 

"You could have come with me," Jay said in a sing-song voice. 

"I was busy," I answered in a similar tone. 

"The cam sex was good though," he reminded me. 

I just rolled my eyes and smacked his chest playfully. 

"So," he started again, taking the cute little suede box back, sounding more like his usual confident self. "What do you say?"

"Do you really think I could say no?" I asked, grinning widely as I wrapped my arms around his neck, leaning up to kiss him. 

"It's that a yes?" he asked sheepishly. 

"Of course it is, you 
numpty
," I laughed, feeling tears begin to prick at my eyes again. 

Jay's shoulders slumped with relief and he bowed his head to kiss me firmly. He licked at my lips but pulled back before I could open my mouth for him. 

He sat back and took the ring from the box, taking my left hand and sliding it onto my ring finger. Just looking at it, shining against my skin, I felt a happy sob making its way up my throat. I threw my arms around Jay, though it was uncomfortable and awkward from the way he was still sat on me - naked, I might add. 

He buried his face in the crook of my neck and sniffled a little. I laughed tearily. 

"Don't you start too," I muttered, clinging to him like a child. 

"I was so nervous..." he admitted. "I've hardly been able to sleep; it's why I slept most of the morning away."

"Well you've done it now, and you've even got a yes. God, I fucking love you." 

"I love you too, boo. So ridiculously much."

With that, the door burst open and Ollie ran in with a loud "
Yay
!" Finn followed, grinning widely. 

"Guys?" I asked, shocked. 

"
Congrats
!" Ollie shouted, scrambling onto the bed and throwing his arms around us. 

I winced at the loudness of his voice but smiled nevertheless as I returned his hug. Finn crawled over too, stroking a hand over my hair briefly. 

"Congratulations," he said with a wide grin. 

Ollie gasped all of a sudden and sat bolt upright. "
Wait
. Does this mean no more kisses?" He looked at me anxiously, then glanced between Jay and Finn. 

Finn just rolled his eyes and shrugged. Jay laughed and squeezed him slightly. 

"I don't mind, it's up to Kaidan," Jay said with a noncommittal shrug. 

Everyone looked to me. I blushed shyly and quickly kissed Ollie on the cheek. He grinned widely and hugged me tight. 

Ollie and I had a weird relationship; ever since our foursome all that time ago, it had been odd. It was very rarely sexual but when it was, it was because Jay and/or Finn was away. Or even occasionally when they were there and they wanted to watch. I had to admit, watching Finn and Jay together was... Amazing. It was always obvious that Finn was in charge, but that Jay called the shots. 

"With your mood swings right now, you'd think you were actually pregnant," Jay said to Ollie when he sat back. 

"Oh yeah, how's that going?" I asked, grinning widely. 

Ollie's eyes lit up. "Well, remember I told you Finn wanted to use a surrogate or something?" He didn't give me a chance to respond before he was carrying on. "And a few months ago, I finally managed to convince him to adopt? Well, we had our first visit from the social worker last week and she's so nice and-"

We all let Ollie continue with his rambling. I was just watching him, and I could tell Finn was too; he was always so animated, so excited, when he talked about their adoption process. We'd spent long drunk nights on the sofa, watching bad late-night TV, and he always ending up talking about how he wanted a gorgeous little girl to spoil and raise, then he'd start crying about not having a uterus. Finn and Jay hadn't believed me so I'd recorded it one night and they nearly pissed themselves laughing. Only nearly. 

When Ollie finally stopped, he was slightly breathless but still grinning widely. It was adorable, and sweet, especially when Finn pulled him close. 

"And of course you two will be godfathers when we get her christened," Ollie said. 

Finn sighed; this was a 
major
, disagreement between them. Ollie wanted to let their child grow up in the religion he'd had, but Finn didn't want the child to be 'subjected to all that nonsense'. Finn had sported a small bruise for a couple days from the strength with which Ollie had slapped him. He hadn't said anything about it since. 

"I want to be an uncle, too," Jay muttered with a pout. 

Ollie grinned. "Definitely. Uncle Jay and Uncle Kaidan. Oh! You can't get married until she's old enough to be the flower girl."

I just laughed before realising something. 

"Wait, Ollie, I thought I was meeting you for lunch?" I asked with a frown. 

"That was the plan, but yesterday Jay rang, cancelled and then told us about his plan, so obviously I demanded that we come by! And I made him rearrange the appointment with the gas man so you could have today all to yourselves!"

I raised my eyebrow slightly at his enthusiasm and opened my mouth to say something but I didn't need to when Finn did it for me. 

"Calm down, pet," he said softy, stroking Ollie's arm. "It's just your new medication making you hyperactive. Deep breaths, okay? Calm down."

Ollie did as he was told, closing his eyes lightly and breathing in through his nose. After a few breaths, he opened his eyes slowly and nodded. 

Ollie had been diagnosed about six months ago with mild bipolar and after bouts of medications, they'd finally found one that worked. Unfortunately, it could make him hyper. 

"Come here," Jay said as he lay down beside me, pulling me into his arms. 

I shuffled as close to him as I could and sighed happily, reaching a hand out to Ollie and Finn. Ollie grinned and shuffled over, lying next to me and tucking his head under my chin. Finn smiled at the sight and stroked my hair briefly before lying down too. 

We were quiet for a while, all cuddled up together. Jay was still naked, of course. 

I looked at my hand and grinned widely. The ring was absolutely perfect. It was beautiful and just so... Perfect. There weren't enough words to describe it. 

"I love you guys," I blurted out suddenly. 

Ollie and Finn murmured something similar back while Jay just made a distracted noise, already half asleep again. 

(A/N So that's officially the end. Everyone was asking for an epilogue so hear you go :) Its 5 AM here right now and I've been working on this for about three hours. I have no regrets. Hope you enjoyed this, and thank you for joining me on this adventure. 
Lots of love, 
Beka xxx