Loosing The Grip Of Love

“

Loosing The Grip Of Love”

Written by chamdreixx

Have you ever felt to be on the verge of escarpment? To be in the situation of being left behind after not being chosen. That is the life of Eleftheria Aiden De Laughrey. She is never been an option for the reason that she is not worthy. Until she meets the man who will makes her feel special. Who gave everything she never dreams to have. The world she is dreaming of.

It started in the middle of the bridge. End at loosing the grip of love she never really have? Does it really her fate? To be always abandoned and not chosen? Or maybe it will be different this time. As long as Eleftheria is not loosing the grip. As long as she continues holding it tightly and not letting it go.

Magdedepende kaya ito sa mahigpit na paraan nang pagkapit niya sa lubid ng pusong minamahal o papabor sa tadhana’ng alam niyang wala siyang magiging pag-asa?

Disclaimer:

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters,

songs,

businesses, places, events, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

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All rights reserved) No part of this story may be reproduced, modify and transmitted in any form or by any means. Please obtain permission.

Plagiarism is a crime.

Warning:

This story contains

typos

and

grammatical

errors.

Simula

Simula

Walking in the middle of the bridge while I’m started shaking, afraid of falling. So to keep my balance, I hold the railings putting there my nervousness.

I looked down and smile when I saw the beautiful scenery that this place is showing me. It’s worth it. I sighed then let a heavy breath, exhaling my willies earlier.

“Ria! Hurry up! Your order has already been delivered to your designated spot.” My friend Sofia over the phone.

“Okay, coming!” I happily answered then hang up the call.

I smiled before I removed my hand from its hold then looked at the lake below this bridge. I walked towards my car and drove to the cafée.

It’s our first anniversary. Hindi ako makapaniwala na hanggang ngayon ay umabot kami ng isang taon. All my boyfriends in the past broke up with me for the same reason. Kesyo hindi raw ako worthy. I’m not the girl they are expecting to be with.

It breaks me but I learn to let them go then found someone who can treat me better. I lived in a life where I’m always been replaced. That change when my boyfriend, Tommen came.

“Naks naman! I still can’t believe that you’re celebrating your first anniversary today.” Sofia comes closer to me and held my hand. “I’m very happy for you, parang kahapon lang nung nakita kitang wasak na wasak na umiiyak dito sa loob ng cafée and look at you right now! I’m extremely happy for you.” She smiled at me genuinely.

I grip my hold in her hand and smiled at her more. “Thank you, Sofia. Ikaw din naman for sure, mahahanap mo rin yung taong itinadhana sayo.” I mocked her a bit.

She rolled her eyes and twitched her lips. “Oh my God, not for today Ria! I’m not ready yet. Unlike you, I can smell that Tom will kneel in front of you later to ask you to finally be his fiancé–”

“Sofia! Stop it, I’m not sure okay?! Let’s just let it past this day and see.” I murmured because a few people inside the café are glaring on us.

She giggled and give me a confident smirk.

I received a message from Tommen while I was walking outside the café. I smiled and excitedly open his text.

From Tommen:

Hi babe! See you later tonight. I’m working this morning and have meetings this afternoon. Kinda hectic, miss you!

I sighed after reading his message. He didn’t even greet me happy anniversary! Did he forget? Baka busy lang sa office. I shrugged it off my head to not stress myself.

Didiretso na ako sa paglalakad nang biglang maramdaman kong bumunggo ako. Napaatras ako at napasapo sa aking sentido.

My mouth dramatically dropped open when I saw his coffee on the floor. My mouth widely empties more when I felt my clothes wet from the coffee.

“What the fuck.” I heard the guy in front of me cursed deeply.

My brows meet halfway the moment I looked at him in the face. I tried to soothe myself from winning irritated.

He’s wearing his corporate attire and his perfectly built body was an instance as I glared at him.

“I-I’m sorry Sir I don’t mean that to happen. Ahmm, I’ll buy you a new one if you want? Ano po bang coffee–” dire-diretso kong sabi at hindi na mapakali nang makita na may nakasunod pang naka-office attire na kalalakihan sa kaniyang likuran. 

They were watching us as if they are waiting for the man in front of me to say something. Napasinghap ako at napakagat labi. Mga ka-officemate niya?

Shit. I need to go now. I have something valuable to do than this.

He’s giving me a death glare when I lifted my eyes on him. It wasn’t even frightened me.

I arched my brows then gaze at him straight in the eye.

“I want you to give me a coffee–” the man in front of me says intently but I urge to cut him off.

“Sir, pasensya na talaga pero kailangan ko nang umalis. I’m sorry for the commotion I cause!” I winced as I run away from them.

Nakasunod sa akin ang matalim niyang mga tingin na animo’y sinasaksak ako nito sa kaniyang paningin.

I hurriedly open the door of my car and come inside dahil sa kaba na baka sundan pa ako nito.

Malakas akong bumuntong-hininga at napatingin sa dress kong pinaghandaan kong suotin for today’s set up, nang makaupo ako sa front sit. Mabuti nalang at hindi naman ako napaso dahil bandang laylayan lang ang natapunan ng kape.

Pagkadating ko ng bahay ay iniwan ko kay manong ang aking sasakyan para mailagay sa garahe ng maayos. I walk upstairs to my room and clean myself.

Pagkaupo ko ng kama pagkatapos makapagpalit ng damit ay tinawagan ko agad si Tommen but he’s not answering my calls. It’s lunch time at wala rin akong gagawin the whole day.

I decided to go to his office to surprise him for lunch. The wide smile never leave my lips as I walk gracefully to the ground floor in the lobby heading to the elevator.

The employees are greeting me politely as I give them a genuine smile in return. I saw her secretary the moment the elavator open. I went out and she hurriedly approaches me.

“Good afternoon, Ma’am Ria.” She greeted.

I roamed my eyes in the place, nagbabakasakaling nandito siya.

“Si Sir po ba, Ma’am Ria?”

“Yes, nasa meeting pa ba siya?” I asked curiously.

Her eyes widen a bit. “Tapos na po Ma’am. He’s in his office.” She said while she walked behind me.

I’m heading to his office now. Excited to see him.

“Thanks, Jane, you can leave me now.” Ani ko nang mahinto ako sa tapat ng malaking pinto ng office ni Tom.

“Ahh, Ma’am–’ nag-aalangan nitong sinabi, naglilikot ang mga mata ngunit tumango nalang kalaunan atsaka umalis.

Marahan kong tinulak ang pinto at malawak ang ngiting nakaguhit sa aking labi na pumasok sa loob. For sure he’s gonna be surprised to see me. I didn’t inform him that I’m getting on here so I’m expecting his wide smile and shocked eyes in surprise.

Mahigpit kong hinawakan ang paper bag kung nasaan ang paboritong pagkain niya na niluto ko.

“Ahh, T-Tom, that’s fucking good.”

I stopped walking when I heard someone growling. I blinked twice to check if it’s real.

“Tommen? Babe, are you here?” I asked, my voice was upheld.

“Fuck it! I’m coming! Ahh!” A deep and baritone voice filled my ears. It’s Tommen.

My heartbeat starts beating doubled. I bit my lips harshly.

Naglakad ako patungong sliding door kung nasaan ang table ni Tommen. I was only here in the entertaining room.

Sa bawat hakbang na kinakain ng aking mga paa ay pakiramdam ko ay mabibingi ako. Mula sa malakas na kalabog ng aking dibdib ay mas lumalakas ang mga halinghing na aking narinig mula sa pinto.

“Ahhh! Fuck me hard, Tommen!” The voice of an insane woman said desperately.

Kasabay ng malakas na paghigit ko sa pinto ay gano’n din naging malakas ang naging ungol ng dalawa.

They were panting, catching their breath as they continue pounding each other like there is no tomorrow.

Briana is hugging Tommen’s neck, biting his shoulder. Tommen fasten his pace and I can’t carry my tears from falling anymore.

Nabitiwan ko ang pagkaing pinaghirapan kong ihanda na lumikha ng tunog.

I grab my mouth with my hands. Shocked. Angry. Nasusuka sa kababuyang ginagawa nilang dalawa.

“Ria…” Tom uttered, lips parted in surprise.

My tears escaping my eyes like a waterfall. Never stop anytime soon, nonstop.

Mabilis silang naghiwalay sa isa’t isa. Tommen zips his pants and hurriedly goes my way.

Napatras ako at naiiling sa kaniya habang pilit inaabot ang aking mga kamay.

“No! Don’t you dare touching me, Tommen.” Masakit ang puso kong sinabi.

Naninikip at nahihirapan akong huminga dahil sa sakit ng nakita ko. How can he do that to me?

“Ria please, let me explain–”

“What will you going explain?! I see it, Tom! I watch it. I saw how hard you fucked my sister!” My sobs didn’t stop me from bursting.

“What fuck are you saying, Ria? We are making love.” I heard Briana muttered behind him. Smirking at me while her brows raising, making her a point.

My lips dropped dramatically as I watch her held Tommen’s hand, intertwined each other. She kissed her and he kissed him back.

Mababaliw ako sa nakikita ko. Hindi ko alam kung paanong natatagalan kong tumayo rito sa harapan nila habang ginagawa ang ganitong klase ng kababuyan.

“Tomm,” I called him in a very breathy and quavering voice.

They stop kissing each other and when his eyes met mine, I froze. I felt my body shivered. He’s glaring at me coldly. The Tommen I love is not him anymore.

“I’m sorry Ria, but I don’t love you anymore.” He said coldly. Mataman niyang sinabi at hindi nag-iiwas ng tingin.

Para akong tangang umiling-iling matapos niyang sabihin iyon. Parang nabuhusan ng isang timbang malamig na tubig at natauhan sa mga salitang binitiwan niya. No, no, no!

“Y-You’re lying, right? P-Please don’t do this Tommen. You know how much I loved you, w-why?” My lips were shaking as my tears flowed down.

His jaw moved and looked away. I tried to reach his hand but I didn’t expect him to just push me away.

Malakas akong bumagsak sa sahig habang ang mga luha ay patuloy na namamalisbis.

“Tommen, don’t do this to me, please. You know I can give you anything you want just, just not this!” I pleaded.

“Don’t listen to that bitch. She can’t give you anything that I can offer. She has nothing.” Brianna harshly said.

Matalim ko syang tiningnan sa mga mata. “You’re a slut-” isang malakas na sampal ang dumampi sa aking pisngi.

Hindi makapaniwalang tumingin ako kay Tommen.

“Don’t you ever call her that. Leave us alone, Ria. Wala ka ng silbi sa’kin.” Tommen voice thundered.

Briana smirked at me behind him.

“Tommen please,” I called him habang ang mga kamay ko’y hawak ang isa kong pisngi, masakit, sobrang sakit lalo na at siya ang may gawa.

“Can’t you hear me? I don’t fucking love you anymore! You’re just my past time. And guess what I get from you, nothing. Like what your exes told me. You’re not worthy. You’re trash, you hear me? You are trash!”

Napahagulgol na ako sa pag-iyak habang pilit na inaabot ang kaniyang mga kamay. Patuloy naman siya sa pagtulak sa akin habang patuloy naman ako sa pagbalik kahit na sobra na akong nasasaktan.

“Tommen, I-I love you so, so much. Please don’t leave me like this. I can forget that this happens, just please come back to me again. Please…” My sobs were loud and tears unstoppable.

Nakaluhod na ako sa sahig at nagmamakaawa na huwag sa aking gawin ito. I can’t.

“Trash doesn’t belong to this kind of place. You belong outside of here.” Briana whined.

“You said you love me. You keep a promise that you won’t quit on me. Why now, Tommen? Why?” Desperada ko nang tanong habang nakaluhod sa kaniyang harapan.

He remains stoic and cold.

“I don’t promise you anything, Ria. You believe those lies. It’s your bad, your stupidity.” Aniya at malakas akong tinulak palayo sa kaniyang harapan.

I shut my eyes tightly. “Leave now, Ria. Or you want the guards to attend you out of here?” Brianna asked me.

Nanghihina man ay pinilit ko pa ring tumayo. Nanlalambot ang aking mga tuhod na naglakad paalis ng opisina. I didn’t look back. I can’t look at them in this state.

I feel so low. I feel so broke as I walk inside the elevator, crying and looked so miserable.

I can’t resist my cracks from falling. My cheeks were so damp and sticky. I pulled my hair out of my sight. I can’t see clear dahil sa pagbabadya ng panibagong luhang namumuo sa aking mga mata.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ako nakalabas ng building na iyon. Maraming mga mata ang nakatingin sa akin ngunit wala akong pinansin ni isa.

I feel so broke into pieces. How could he manage to be that ruthless after what he did. I thought he loved me. I loved him so much and yet it was deceit. I’m such a fool. I’m blind all this time I’m with him. We stayed this long, pero hindi ko akalaing ganito.

I expect him to be my last. To be the person who will love and trust me. Who will give me worth of having me beside him.

Nasa kotse ko na ako nang marinig kong tumunog ang aking telepono. I wiped my dumped cheeks as I answered the call. I sighed and gulp. Trying so hard not to cry.

“Hello, Leigh? Napatawag ka?” Tanong ko sa kapatid ko. Malayo sa boses kong durog at nagmamakaawa kanina.

“Ate, where are you right now? Ate, please arrive here as soon as you can.” Her voice trembled. My heart skips a beat.

“Bakit Leigh? Anong nangyari?” My heart thumped rapidly.

She started crying over the phone. “A-Ate, si Daddy. We’re in the hospital now.”

“W-What happen to Dad? L-Leigh, please answer me…” And there, my eyes started to burst out in tears.

“I-I don’t know ate, basta bigla nalang siyang hinimatay. He was struggling to catch some air to breathe kaya sinugod na namin siya sa hospital ni Mommy.”

Hindi ko na napigilang pumatak ang gripo kong mga luha. Mahigpit ang kapit ko sa manibela habang nagmamaneho patungong hospital kung saan nila dinala si Daddy.

Daddy please, don’t leave me too. I love you so much. Ikaw nalang ang meron ako. Please don’t quit me here alone.

Hinang hina na ako. Ubos na ubos na ako. Pero kailangan kong kayanin dahil walang ibang gagawa nito para sa akin.

“A-Asan ang daddy? Leigh! Where’s dad?!” I asked her hysterically.

She’s crying and her soft eyes were in deep gloom.

No, no, oh God please no. Napaupo ako dahil sa bigat ng nararamdaman. Why is this happening to me? Ganito ba ako kasama para maranasan ang mga ganitong klase ng kamalasan sa buhay? Sobra sobra na ’to.

“Dad is still inside with the doctors. Let’s pray for her ate, I know he’ll be good.” Leigh said to me weakly.

We go to the small chapel in the hospital. I kneeled and looked upon the cross above.

Oh Lord, please help me with this. I can’t lose another part of me. Hindi ko na kaya pang mawalan ng tunay na nagmamahal sa akin.

My grandma, you already got her. Please let my dad with me. My mom flee me, at kung pati si dad ay kukunin mo rin sa akin, wala ng matitira.

I’m tired of losing someone. I’m tired of finding people who can give the affection that my dad and grandma showered me. The pure love that no one can filter.

I’m tired of getting used to this life of being unworthy. Were the ones I lost my value? Is it me or the people around who never treat me like a jewel? Did I lose my worth?

All I ask all my life is to have people who will love and appreciate me. But no one did. Probably because I’m a bitch. A bastard. Anak sa labas. Isang kasalanan. Nabuo sa isang pagkakamali na kahit kailan ay hindi magiging tama.

Pero hindi na ba pwede itama ang minsang naging pagkakamali? Hindi ko ba deserve magkaroon at maranasang mabuhay sa tama? Sa buhay na walang sumisisi at binibigyang halaga? Does it not really meant for me?

I bit my lip as I looked at the stars above. The night consumed the sky but then there’s the moon and the star to light up the dark.

I shut my eyes as I embraced the cold breeze of air. I shut my eyes as if I put there all my pain. I shut my eyes like I’m wishing to the stars that the moment I opened my eyes, he’ll take all this burden away. To take me away rather than losing people who only did is to love me.

Mabilis at maingay ang kabog ng aking dibdib habang pinagmamasdan and kawalan sa ibaba ng tulay. There, I won’t be able to feel pain anymore. There, maybe I can find my worth that living this life isn’t for me.

I bit my lips harshly and looked up to the night sky.

“I love you mom, wherever you are, I want you to know that I never get angry with you when you left me to dad. Alam kong may dahilan ka kaya mo ’yon nagawa. I’m sorry…for doing this. Alam kong magagalit ka sa akin kapag nakita mo akong gagawin ito. Na wala akong karapatang kunin ang buhay na pinagkaloob lang sa akin. But mom, it’s too much. The excruciating pain wasn’t bearable anymore. I tried to live in the past twenty-two years but it all got me the same. It’s worthless. My life is worthless.” My tear escaped, I shut my eyes tightly as I held my both hands tightly.

Standing here at the escarpment of the bridge. No one is here, no one can see me. It’s only myself. One last cry. One last pain. I die and no further of it anymore.

I smiled and slowly let myself fall. I stopped breathing and hold my breath. This is it, where the place I belong, nothing.

In a deep and rapid blew beat of my heart, I open my eyes in shock. Like everything came back.

“Fuck, hold on. Don’t fucking try to let go of my hand. Hold it tightly, you understand me? Hold me tightly.” A man said, gripping my hand from it’s hold.

Naging mabilis ang kabog ng dibdib ko nang matauhang nasa gilid na ako ng tulay. Nahulog na ngunit mabilis na nahawakan.

Everything became slow motion. I can’t believe that I’d come this far. Killing myself. Taking my own life. Ending everything of me in that kind of way.

I never stopped crying earlier. Ngunit sa pagkakataong ito. Wala na akong mailabas ni butil ng luha. I can’t feel anything. I’m being numb.

Iniangat ko ang isa kong kamay para kumapit sa kamay niya. I should fight for my life.

“Help me,” namamaos ang boses kong sabi.

He pulled me up that make us both fall in the ground. I hugged him tight. The guy who helped me is just letting me be. I’m scared. Ngayon ko lang naramdaman ang ganitong klase ng takot. Takot na mawala yung sarili ko mismo. Takot na masaktan ang sarili ko.

I cried in his shoulders and hugged him tight. I felt him brushed my back.

“You’re now safe. Don’t cry, your life is worth having. Maraming tao ang nakikipaglaro kay kamatayan mabuhay lang. So you should too. Live life to the fullest. Whatever kind of pain you are having now, it will pass soon. Just don’t end it this way. You understand me?” He said in a very deep and husky voice. Sounding so scared to see what I just did.

I wiped my tears and bit my lips harshly. “Thank you, thank you for saving me…” Shivering lips and trembling voice I muttered. Thank you…

Kabanata 1

Kabanata 1

Stranger

Mistakes and problems make who we are today. Life is a delightful disaster. It always has its ends, although ends are always just the beginning of it. To create another chapter of your life, you must move on to keep on moving. It’s not about being stuck on the same day, the same misery, the same best day of your life. It’s like blank paper, you’re the one writing your own story.

I caught sight of him but not stared at him thoroughly. I pulled myself out of the embrace when I realize what is happening.

I cleared my throat and bit my lower lips. Hindi makatingin sa kaniya ng tuwid. Tumalikod ako sa kaniya at saka mahinang bumuntong-hininga.

We stayed silent for a while. I didn’t say anything.

I felt him shift his weight towards me. “You should go home. Your parents are probably worried about you.” He hinted.

I sighed nang mapagtantong walang nag-aalala sa akin. It’s like myself. Only myself. Kaya naging ganito nalang din kabilis ang naging desisyon ko dahil alam kong walang may pakialam. Wala nang tatanggap at magpapahalaga.

Naramdaman kong tinalikuran na rin niya ako. Magkatalikod kami sa isa’t isa at handa na sa paghakbang paalis.

Hinarap ko siya at pinagmasdan na maglakad palayo sa akin. Sa madilim at tanging mga bituin at buwan lang ang nagbibigay tanglaw sa amin.

He was about to open his car door when I immediately run to him. I hugged him from behind, which makes him stop moving.

Marahan kong ipinulupot ang aking dalawang kamay sa kaniyang katawan. Nanigas naman siya sa kaniyang kinatatayuan dahil sa biglaang ginawa ko. Isinubsob ko ang aking mukha sa kaniyang likuran.

He’s a stranger, after all, kaya hindi ko nalang inisip kung ano ang pwede niyang isipin. I didn’t even remember his face, so why shame?

He didn’t complain so I hugged him tightly as I can. I snuffed him, he smells so good. Very manly, unfamiliar. But the dominant sort never leaves his stance.

He removed my hands from his body kalaunan. Hinarap niya ako sa kaniya, yumuko naman ako at hindi tumingin sa kaniya pabalik.

We’re now inches away from each other. Wala akong mukhang maiharap sa kaniya dahil sa ginawa ko kanina. Sobrang kahihiyan nalang ang tanging nararamdaman ko. He might be a stranger to me, but he saves my life.

Nakatingin lang ako sa aming mga paa. He’s wearing black leather boots and paired with black corporate attire.

But when I lifted my eyes that leveled on his chest, I noticed that he’s wearing a grey hooded jacket. I just thought it’s long-sleeves but it’s not.

Nagbaba ang tingin ko sa dulo ng jacket nito dahil bahagyang nakaangat ito dahilan para makita ang loob. There was an embroidered letters. ‘R&C’

“You should go, Miss.” Seryosong anito.

I nod and walked towards my car. That night, I won’t forget how it feels.

If it’s not because of him, I might taken off now. If he didn’t hold and gripped my hand as he thinks of my life worth having, siguro namatay nalang ako nang walang nakakaalam.

Hindi ko man nagawang tingnan ang kaniyang mukha dahil sa kahihiyang nararamdaman ko ay hindi ko naman makakalimutan ang kabutihang ginawa niya sa akin. He helped me, no, he saves my broken self.

“Your Dad needs to rest, thank God he’s fine.” It’s my grandpa who’s speaking.

I took a glance at my dad, lying on the soft mattress, sleeping peacefully.

“You should go home too. He doesn’t need you here.” Lolo said.

“I don’t want to go home. I’ll stay here, with dad. I’ll take care of him.” I grunted.

Malakas siyang bumuntong-hininga at seryoso akong tiningnan. His eyes were like a dagger. It didn’t frighten me. I used to him staring at me that way. Looking at me accusingly like I did something wrong to them.

“Go to my office tomorrow, we’ll talk. Make sure that you are rational. Get a better sleep.” He sternly uttered at saka ako iniwan sa loob.

Umupo ako ng upuan na katabi lang ng higaan ni dad. I held and caressed his hand, I smiled.

“Thank God you’re fine. Please wake up tomorrow alright? I love you, dad, so much. I miss you.” I mumbled softly as my tears run through my cheeks.

Kinaumagahan ay opisina agad ang tinungo ko. Dad is still unstable and unconscious but he’s far from risk like the doctor said. But I can’t stop myself from being bothered. He’s a strong man I know kaya hindi ko kailanman naisip na mangyayari ito.

He was heart attacked and cardiac arrest when they arrived at the hospital. It says that it took only two days of being unconscious. I’d hope that dad wakes up soon.

Nagsiyukuan ang ibang mga empleyadong nakakita sa akinnang maglakad ako papasok ng opisina.

“Good morning, Ma’am Ria.” The employees greeted.

I gave them a small smile and proceed towards the elevator. It’s my grandpa’s office. I’m also an employee here but because I’m a granddaughter, they treat me differently which I said that there is no need for that. Still, they keep on insisting on it.

Pipindutin ko na ang buton ng palapag na aakyatan ko nang makita ko si Briana na aliw na aliw sa papuri at paggalang sa kaniya ng mga empleyado.

I rolled my eyes. As if people enjoying his brat company. Kaya hindi na ako nagtaka nang mag-make face ang mga empleyado sa kaniya nang talikuran na niya ang mga ito.

I press the top floor so the door would close at hindi na niya ako maabutan. Ngunit naabutan niya ito at kamalasang magsasabay kami.

She raised her brows, smirked at me evilly. “Morning, Ria.” She said, mockingly.

I didn’t respond. Ignore people that don’t make sense in your life. Replace people who hurt you several times and not just only twice.

Tuwid lang ang tingin ko at hindi bumabaling sa kaniya.

“Tommen is a sweet guy. He said that he loves me more than what he felt in you. You see the difference now?” Hinarap niya ako habang ako’y nananatiling tuwid lang ang tingin sa harapan.

“Between us, you are the dust while I am–”

“The trash.” I finished her statement.

“The worth having! You’re just a bitter bitch.” She said, pissed.

My lips tugged up, she notices it that make her face looked so irritated.

Nauna akong lumabas sa kaniya nang bumukas ang elevator at iniwan siyang kunot ang noo. I don’t have time para patulan siya.

Tinungo ko ang office ni Lolo dahil sinabi niyang may importante kaming pag-uusapan ngayon. I’m wearing a small white strap top inside my black blazer and a black pencil skirt paired with white stilettos.

I’m not in grief, but yeah I almost planned to wear an all-black outfit. But I changed my mind because I’m not a bitter bitch.

I stand in front of my grandpa’s table. He was looking at the buildings outside but I know he knew that I’m here.

“Have a seat,” he said.

I attended, he turned his swivel chair to face me.

Ang malamig at nakakatakot nitong tingin ay hindi na sa akin nagpasindak pa. Sa akin lang naman siya ganito. One day, I asked myself, does he ever treated me like his granddaughter? His real granddaughter?

Ramdam ko na hindi na naman magiging maayos ang pag-uusap naming dalawa. He hates me. I don’t hate him though. I respect him even he has that foul-mouthed.

He pulled himself from leaning in the seat and glared at me intently.

“You’re not doing your job here. You signed a contract and yet you’re being a rebel. You really want to show me what you really are. A disgrace. A mistake. Like what you are doing now. You’re just proving it on me.” He said, emphasizing the last words.

I remain my composure. Hindi nagpapaapekto sa mga sinasabi niya. My hand fisted on my lap. Twitching my lips a bit, pained by his foul words.

“I hired you here and now I’m gonna fired you-”

“I am doing my job here, Grandpa. I am working almost twenty-four seven to finish your files and paper works just to submit them on time. What are you saying that I am not done anything?” I complained, breath heave.

His one thick brow arched that made him look more arrogant and ruthless. His lips were in a grim line. He’s old but the beautiful features on his face remained.

“You have nothing to say on this so find another job. Just like your sister Briana, she’s trying to be the best in her field. So unlike you. I can’t imagine having blood running on your veins that screaming being a De Laughrey. You’re indeed a hoodoo of the family.” He said dismissively and turn his back on me like his degree earlier.

As his back faced me, my tear run out. I brush it off the time it slips down my cheeks.

I smiled bitterly, chuckled without humor.

“Yeah, that’s it, Sir? I’m the mistake your son made that you can never acknowledge. I’m the bad luck of this family. I’m the best thing for dad that you regret to have. I accept it, Mr. De Laughrey. But I want you to know that I never wish to have your blood in me. Kinalulungkot ko na ito ang meron ako. Who else can be happy with this kind of petty? I tried to be the best, but it isn’t enough. The problem isn’t yours. Maybe it’s in me.” I stood up and walk away as I wiped my tears.

I go to the café to relax from what happened. Sofia is in front of me, crossed arms glaring at me.

Pag-aari niya itong café at siya lang ang kaibigang meron ako. She’s a true friend of mine since high school. May iilan din akong naging kaibigan but turns out to be my enemies. They love making fun of me. But she’s different from them. She stays and remained to be my friend.

“So anong plano mo ngayon? Pwede ka naman dito sa shop ko if you want. I can make you a manager if you want or let you manage one of my branches in BGC.” She suggested.

Nakatukod ang dalawang siko nito sa lamesa habang nakanguso ang mga labi dahil mukhang siya pa ang nahihirapan sa situation ko. I told her what happened earlier, also about me and… Tommen.

“Bahala na, I attempt my luck in other company, if… I have that.” Mabigat akong bumuntong-hininga.

Hinawakan niya ang dalawa kong kamay na nasa table, at masinsinang tininganan sa mga mata.

“What about Tommen? Huwag ka ng babalik sa gagong ’yun, okay? He hurt you so much, chance is never meant for him. I’m hurt when you hurt, Ria.” Her eyes filled in worried.

We both sighed, I nod.

“Promise me, Ria.” She uttered.

“Promise,” I mumbled.

“The last time you promised me, it’s not what happens. You still forgive that brute. Ilang beses ka na ba no’ng niloko? Huh? Naku Ria, siguraduhin mo lang talaga. And your desperate bitch half-sister proving us that she really is a slut.” Nanggigigil niyang ani.

I looked away. That’s Briana, taking things that I already owned.

“Kumusta naman pala si Tito? Is he okay now?… Are you fine, Ria?” Her eyes puffed uncertainly.

I gave her a small smile. “Yeah… of course I am. I-I should be. I’m fine, really, thanks.” I said assuringly.

She might be my best friend but I never told everything to her. Like what I did on that bridge. Minsan kasi may mga bagay na kailangan mong sarilinin. It’s not always about being an open book.

I went home after eating lunch with her. I need to get my files and documents that have my resume and all. I need to find another job.

Pagkapasok ko pa lang ng mansion ay agad na bumugad sa akin si Tita Vera na pababa ng hagdan. She’s my father’s real wife. Wala akong balak na makipag-usap sa kaniya dahil nandito lang naman ako para kuhanin ang mga papeles ko.

“You exist. I heard about the office, I think it’s better that way.” Then she chuckled evilly.

I stopped walking. Seryoso ko lang siyang tinapunan ng tingin habang siya ay patuloy sa paglalakad palapit sa akin.

“I will thank dad for this. You’re now out of our company and now I want you gone of my sight.” Her eyes darted on me arrogantly.

“Kukuhanin ko lang ang ilang mga gamit ko. Pero huwag kang masyadong magdiwang dahil hindi pa ako aalis ng mansion.” I said.

She rolled her eyes and slapped me unexpectedly. Nabaling ang mukha ko sa ibang direksyon sa lakas ng dampi nito sa aking pisngi.

Habol ko ang aking hininga, marahan kong hinawi ang aking buhok at nanghihina ko siyang tiningnan.

“You’re ambitious bitch just like your mother. And look where she brings her ambition in life? Leaving her precious daughter sa kaniyang madrasta dahil walang maipapakain sa’yo. Just like your mother, you might do the same thing.” She estimated me and my mother. Not just ones, but in all the years of my life.

Wala akong oras na pinalagpas at hindi na rin ako nagtagal sa mansion. Bakit ko gugustuhing magtagal sa lugar na alam mong hindi ka naman welcome.

Pumunta ako ng hospital para bisitahin si daddy pagkatapos but he still unconscious when I got there. I kissed his hand as I held him tightly.

Binantayan ko siya hanggang sa magdilim ang kalangitan. I have no job at ’yon ang aasikasuhin ko kinabukasan. My Gradpa also paid for my years of serving. I have been in that company for almost four years.

I’m also planning to transfer my things to my condo. It was my Grandma’s eighteenth birthday gift to me. Matagal ko ng gustong lumipat pero dahil ayaw ni Dad na umalis ako ng mansion ay hindi ko rin magawa at nag settle sa puder nila.

Nasa sasakyan ko ako ngayon at nagmamaneho patungong high-end clubs. Sofia invited me to hang out tonight, I didn’t hesitate to agree when she asked me earlier. I need to chill, at least for tonight.

“Ria! Dito!” Pagkuha ng atensyon ko ni Sofi dahil maingay ang dance floor.

Nasa isa sa mga lounges nila kami, VIP seats reserved by Sofia’s cousin who owns this club. We used to hang out here almost every week back then. But when I have Tommen, he restricts me to go to any bar or kind of clubs and parties. Yeah, he’s possessive and I don’t get how he’d come that far.

I take another shot when Sofi poured my glass of tequila. Some boys were approaching us but I flipped them away. I’m not interested, that’s it.

“Let’s dance, Ria! Come on, loosen up! Alam kong problematic ang buhay mo ngayon so let’s put it some spice!” Sofi giggled, a bit tipsy.

Natatawa naman akong napakunot ng noo sa kaniya. “What spice you are saying? Kulang pa ba ang pasakit sa’kin, Sofi? Huh?” I asked her. My vision is kinda spinning a bit.

I felt dizzy when I decided to dance and stood up. Napayakap kami sa isa’t isa at nagtawanan nang muntikan na kaming matumbang dalawa.

The party is at its peak. The people inside are getting hot and wild as the loud music filled the place. The restless different lights make everyone’s oblivion to the place and people they are dancing with.

My black bacon dress hugs my body flawlessly. I moved and swayed my hips with the loud beat of the music. Itinaas ko ang aking kamay habang maarteng inilulugay ang nakatali kong buhok.

I feel freed and out of any problems as I looked up. Nabibingi ako sa malakas na tugtog ng musika.

“Ria…” I froze when I heard a voice behind me.

I stop moving. He caressed my arm and snaked his hand around my waist. He draws some circles on my stomach that made me feel churning.

He moved closer behind me until I felt him. Mabilis akong lumayo sa kaniya ngunit naging malakas ang pagkakahapit niya sa aking baywang.

“Where are you going? Ha? You’re not going anywhere.” He mumbled behind my ears and licked me.

I moved my neck. Shit. I’m drunk but I know what I’m doing.

“Let me go, Tommen.” My voice trembled.

“Why Ria? You don’t miss me?”

“Damn you! You said you don’t love me anymore, so what the hell you are doing now?” My breath hitched as he continued touching my stomach.

He grinds behind me, my mouth half-open. “Let me go…” It should be a warning but it comes out to be a soft moan.

“I missed you, Ria.” He whispered erotically.

Taas baba na parang naging alon ang dibdib ko nang gapangin ng kaniyang kamay ang ang dibdib.

I missed you too, Tommen.

I’m stupid right? After what he did to me, nagagawa ko pa ring sabihin ’to. I make a promise to Sofi and yet I broke it again.

There are forbidden things you want to explore because curiosity strikes you hard.

I’ve never been in bed with a man. Even with Tommen, I never make out. I’m not scared of doing it. I just preserve myself to someone who will not disappoint and leave me after doing it. Preserve to someone worthy and will cherish me like I’m his own property.

Dinadampian niya ng malalamyos na halik ang aking leeg. I bit my lips as I ruffled his hair. The dance floor was loud, the people are extremely busy to even notice what we are doing right now.

I’m ready to give in. The person you dedicating your holiness is not to be found. And it’s never a big deal if he certainly loves you.

I don’t care if Tommen fuck me now and leave me later. As they used to say, I’m nothing, trash, a mistake.

Malakas ang mga braso nitong pinaikot ako paharap sa kaniya. I clung my arms in his nape but in a swift motion, my mind just doesn’t agree to it.

The words of the guy who saved me flashed in my mind and filled my ears.

“Your life is worth having…”

I pushed Tommen in all my strength. Nagulat s’ya at nagtinginan ang mga tao sa amin dahil sa ginawa ko.

He was in shock, “What the fuck, Ria.” He cursed.

“Leave me alone, Tommen. Ikaw na mismo ang nagsabi ’di ba? We’re done. I don’t want you anymore. I don’t want someone like you!” I exclaimed. Naramdaman kong magbadya ang mga luha ko sa aking mata nang maalala ang naabutan ko sa opisina niya.

No, I’m not gonna cry this time. I need to be brave. I don’t want to make the same mistake anymore. I’m done losing myself, I’m done degrading myself.

“Tss, you really think I still love you? I only want to fuck you, Ria!” Sigaw ni Tommen sa akin. Nagbulungan ang mga tao habang nasa akin ang kanilang mga tingin.

Hindi ko alam kung kanino ako titingin dahil lahat sila ay nanghuhusga na sa paraan palang ng kanilang pagsulyap.

“You’re playing hard to get, yet I know you also want it to happen, right? You’re drooling over me. You even fantasize me thrusting above you, fucking you so hard-” Palad ko na ang tumapos sa mga sinasabi niya.

Pahiyang pahiya na ako. Wala na akong maiharap na mukha sa mga taong nandito dahil sa mga pinagsasasabi niya. It hurts, I never know that he thinks of me that way. All I did is to love and care for him. But he only sees me as his whore.

“Damn you, Tommen! I wish I never love someone like you. You’re a nasty brute.” Matalim ang tingin ko sa kaniya at sa mga taong nakapaligid sa amin ay iniwan ko silang nakikiusosyo.

I saw Sofia running towards me nang maglakad ako palabas na ng club.

“What happened? I’m just there and I heard you were–” I cut her off.

“I wanna go home. Thanks for tonight.” I only said then went out of the club.

Akala ko ay magiging maganda ang gabi ko ngunit hindi pala. We really never know what will gonna happen next.

I went inside my car and drove as fast as I can. I only stop when I parked my car in front of a coffee shop.

It’s midnight when I looked at my wrist. Pagkapasok ko ay umorder agad ako ng kapeng gusto ko. I need to cleanse my mind. Pakiramdam ko nga ay nawala ang lasing ko dahil sa nangyari kanina.

I bring my coffee with me matapos makuha ang kapeng in-order ko and went outside. I pushed the glass door but accidentally someone is pulling it outside.

I shrieked and almost fall to the ground nang bumukas ang pintuan. I closed my eyes, expecting the pain I’ll take. But when I slowly opened my eyes ay napatingin ako sa lalaking pinaiibabawan ko. The coffee in my hand is now on the floor.

Ang mga mata namin ay nagtagpo. Naging mabagal ang bawat segundo. My hand is resting on his chest. His hand were in my head and back, protecting me.

Bumaba ang tingin niya sa pagitan kong mga labi. His red thin lips parted but his stubborn jaw clenched in time.

My heart thumped and my breath twitched. His thick black brows furrowed.

Mabilis akong humiwalay sa kaniya at tumayo nang matauhan. I swallowed hard and cleared my throat when I felt my heartbeat tightened. Maybe because I’m scared I might fall…in the ground. Masakit ’yon kapag nagkataon.

“I’m sorry, Miss. Are you alright?” Mahinahon ang malalim at malaki nitong boses na sinabi.

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya at sinamaan s’ya nang tingin. “I don’t need your sorry, Mister. I need my coffee back. I can never drink your sorry.” I whimpered then raise my brow stagily.

Nangunot naman ang noo nito at pinanliitan ako ng mga mata, animong sinusuri ako mula ulo hanggang paa. Arogante at suplado.

“We’re now even.” He said deeply, ibang iba sa nag-aalalang boses nito kanina.

Hindi ako makapaniwalang tumingin sa kaniya. “W-Where the hell on earth we’re even?” I asked, amused by this insane man.

Tinaasan lang rin ako nito ng kilay at matalim na tiningnan. Nanlaki ang mata ko nang mapagtanto kung ano ang tinutukoy niya.

Oh my God…

“S-Sir? Yung sa café?” I asked.

He nodded. “Yung nabunggo ko?” Then he nods again.

My jaw dropped as he looked at me intently.

He rolled his eyes on me then walked past me papasok ng coffee shop.

That’s it? Ni hindi man lang niya papalitan ’yung natapon niyang kape ko? Damn it!

Aalis na sana ako patungong sasakyan ko nang makita ko si Tommen at Briana na pababa ng kotse. Darn it! They can’t see me here. Ayaw ko na ng gulo, sawang sawa na ako.

Bago pa man nila ako makita ay nagmamadali na akong pumasok sa loob ng coffee shop. Nang makita ko si Mister na nakabunggo sa akin kanina na nakaupo sa isang table ay mabilis akong naupo sa harapan niya.

My sit is facing the entrance door habang tinatalikuran niya naman ang gawing iyon. Nakita kong may magazine sa rack kaya mabilis ko iyong hinigit para magpanggap na nagbabasa.

I heard the chimes make noise, meaning the door open. “What are you doing?” The baritone voice of the man in front of me asked.

Iniharang ko sa aking mukha ang magazine at nagpanggap na nagbabasa.

“Hush, don’t talk to me.” I hissed.

Sumilip ako at sinamaan siya ng tingin. Bakas naman ang pagtataka sa kaniyang mukha pero nag-iwas din siya ng tingin.

I saw Briana went to the counter to ask for their orders but my eyes widen when Tommen glance on my way.

“Oh, my fucking shit.” I cursed beneath my breath. I can’t make noise.

Naramdaman ko namang lumingon si Mister sa akin at mukhang lumingon na rin sa paligid. Shit.

“Babe, here’s your coffee.” It was Briana.

“Upo muna tayo rito,” I heard Tommen suggested.

My heart raced in tension. Hindi nila ako pwedeng makita.

Nang sumilip akong muli ay mas lalong nanlaki ang mata kong makitang patungo sila sa gawi ko. At ang mas nagpalakas pa nang kabog ng dibdib ko ay nung mamataan ako ni Tommen na nakamasid sa kanila.

“Is that Ria?” I heard him asked.

Malapit na sila sa amin at hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko.

“Where? Is that her?” I heard Briana said at nakita kong susugurin na nila ako sa pwesto ko. I heard their footsteps and I froze on my sit. Nakita na nila ako!

Nanginig ako nang maramdamang buhusan niya ako ng malamig na tubig. Doon ko na tuluyang nabitiwan ang magazine na hawak ko. They caught me.

“There you are, serves you right, bitchhalf-sister,” Briana smirked at me, chuckled afterward. Tommen was beside her staring at me languidly.

Napatingin naman ako sa lalaking nasa harapan ko. Mukhang gulat at hindi inaasahan ang nangyari.

I looked down as the cold water dripped down my dress. I let a heavy sighed as I hardly shut my eyes.

“Let’s go,” his deep husky voice made me lift my glance at him. Mister…

He held my hand and pulled me out of the coffee shop.

“Sandali Ria! Hindi pa ako tapos!” hindi ko na narinig pa ang sinabi ni Briana dahil tuluyan na kaming nakalabas.

Nakatingin lang ako sa kamay niyang mahigpit na nakahawak sa aking kamay. My lips trembled when the wind passed through my damp skin. My body quivered but I didn’t mind it.

He stopped and looked at my way. His jaw moves as he harshly gritted his teeth when I glance at him.

“I’m scared…” The only word came out of my mouth. He pulled me for an embrace before my tears flowed down.

“Hush, don’t cry.”

Another stranger again, who helped me. How many strangers will come into my life before I get the person who will gonna really treat me better?

Kabanata 2

Kabanata 2

Hoodoo

I blink twice. I swallowed hard as I let him hugged me. Naramdaman kong higpitan niya ang kaniyang pagkakayakap sa akin.

I stayed still, not moving, accepting his embrace to me.

The cold wind blew more but his body warmth me. I stopped crying and pushed him away when I got the chance to do it.

Nagugulat niya akong tiningnan sa mga mata, nakaawang ang labi at bakas ang awa sa kaniyang mga mata. I don’t need it, the pity.

Nag-iwas agad ako ng tingin atsaka nagmadaling tumakbo patungo sa aking sasakyan. Hindi ko kailangan ng taong kakaawan ako. Madilim ang kaniyang ekspresyon dahil kulang sa liwanag ang tumatanglaw sa amin, but I clearly see how his eyes glisten in sympathy.

I was holding the door of my car when someone held my hand, restraining me from getting inside. Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kamay na pumipigil sa akin.

“Where do you think you are going?” He asked me worriedly, but his set of piercing eyes still glisten.

I immediately looked away. “Wala ka ng pakialam kung saan ako pupunta. Is it your blazer you want to get?” Pagtukoy ko sa isinuot niya sa akin kanina.

Napakurap siya, animong natauhan sa ginagawa. Nag-igting ang kaniyang panga at mahinang bumuntong-hininga.

“No, that’s yours. I won’t take it back.” He seriously uttered.

“Then get off your hands from mine now.” I pointed his hand, still holding mine.

Napakurap siyang muli sa pangalawang pagkakataon at saka mabilis na inalis ang pagkakapatong ng kaniyang kamay sa akin.

I rolled my eyes and open my car when he spoke again, for Pete’s sake. He pressed his hand to halt my opening door. He glared at me, darkly this time.

“I didn’t know that you are not good at expressing your gratitude when someone is helping you out.” Matalas ang paraan nang pagtingin nito sa akin. But the other side of his lips lifted, forming into a smirk.

Hinarap ko siya at humawak sa hamba ng kakabukas ko lang na pinto ng aking sasakyan. I finally opened it when he removed his blocked hand.

“So should I thank you for what?” I asked him. Turning to face him this time with an annoyed expression.

Hindi ko alam pero mas lalong kumulo ang dugo ko sa kaniya. Kung kanina ay nagugulat sa ginagawa niya ngayon naman ay naiirita sa pag-uugaling meron s’ya.

“For helping you out of chaos, I guess?” He shrugged but confidently glaring at me.

“Helping me out…that late.” Mabagal kong ani, sinasabayan ng marahan kong pagtango.

“No, you don’t actually help me. You just dragged me out of the shop. But yeah thank you…” I don’t intend to sound irritated but it sounded like that.

“So irreverent of you,” he uttered.

Then he slowly took a step, closing our distance.

I chuckled without any humor in it. “I’m sorry, I really meant it, thanks. Is that what you want me to say?” Hindi makapaniwalang ani ko sa kaniya.

His lips were in a grim line. Thick black eyebrows shot up.

“You don’t want people helping you out, because you think you can do it your own. Stop failing yourself.” He stated in a deep large voice.

“I think we’re even,” I mumbled, about my coffee. Changing the subject when he got my spot.

I won’t let him see that I get affected by what he just said.

He smirked, without humor in it. “I guess so?” He replied but the seriousness in his tone never leaves him.

I smiled at him annoyingly, nagtitigan kaming dalawa. I pursed my lips and bit my lower lips.

He’s really is the guy na nakabunggo ko sa café ni Sofia. Damn, he’s immaculately gorgeous. Those set of deep grey eyes yet being brown as it hit by a bit of lightning, striking me like thunder every time he glares at me. That proud stubborn jaw that perfectly sculpted by some god and his long thick black brows that giving him the ruthless look. Those flickering abound lashes and thin red luscious lips that look so good to have it taste, look so sweet to attempt.

I brushed it off my head nang makitang ilang pulgada nalang ang pagitan namin sa isa’t isa ngayon.

“What are you doing? L-Lumayo ka nga,” I stuttered as I glanced at him with my eyes faltered. At mas lalong natigilan ako nang itulak niya ako papasok sa loob ng sasakyan ko.

I shrieked in shock, he was on top of me habang ako ay napasandal sa driver sit. My eyes widened in awe, lips dropped open as my eyes dawned on his lips.

We’re so close to each other. Ang kanang braso nito ay nakatukod sa itaas ng aking uluhan. Nasa pagitan ako ng kaniyang mga bisig habang siya naman ay nasa pagitan ng aking mga hita.

My sight noticed the three buttons are untied from the hole of his plain white long sleeves. His chiseled chest exposes as he bowed, getting more closer to each other’s bodies. I can smell his manly scents, the familiar minty breath.

Nagbaba ang tingin niya sa aking mga labi. I saw how he licked his lower lips and his eyes glisten for unknown sensation.

Ang kaliwang braso niya ay dumadampi sa gilid ng aking katawan. I arched my back when his arm nudges my under boob. I snarled. The nearness made me stop my breathing. My chest heave, hyperventilating to catch some air.

Ang kaniyang mga mata ay malalim at walang emosyong mababakas. We stared at each other as we both neared our faces.

“W-What are you doing, Mister?” My voice strumbled.

He blinked and wet his lips before he uttered. “I saw them,”

Napalingon naman ako kaso ay wala akong makita kundi tanging dashboard ng sasakyan ko.

“S-Sino?” I asked in a very breathy way when I glance at him back.

“The woman in the coffee shop.” Pagkasabi na pagkasabi niya no’n ay napakapit ako sa kaniyang leeg. Kinakabahan na baka makita nila akong muli.

“Cover me, hindi nila ako pwedeng makita. Please…”

He let a sigh at ang kamay niyang nakatukod malapit sa aking tagiliran ay tuluyan na ngang sinakop ang aking baywang. Iniangat niya ako ng bahagya, ang mukha naming dalawa ay mas lalong nagtagpo. Kung ang kaninang sobrang lapit na pagitan naming dalawa ay ngayo’y wala na. Naduduling ang aking mga matang nakatitig sa seryoso niyang ekspresyon. Umiigting ang kaniyang panga. I gulped hard at that.

“N-Nakaalis na ata sila?” Halos pabulong kong ani nang ilang minuto na ang lumipas.

Tumingin siya sa labas mula sa loob ng sasakyan ko at mabilis akong binitiwan na aking ikinagulat.

Para akong binigyan ng oxygen nang tuluyang humiwalay na s’ya sa akin. My heartbeat drummed as I catch the air I lost when he’s closer to me.

I felt my throat dried while I manage to build my composure. He’s just glaring at me outside silently, waiting for me to utter something.

I sat on my position at saka sumilip sa labas at nakitang tuluyan na ngang nakaalis ang dalawa. Bumaling naman ako sa kaniya at walang salitang namutawi sa aking bibig.

Ahmm… “Aalis na’ko,” I said first.

I should thank him for that? Oh, no. But I think I should this time.

“Thank you, I gotta go.” I hurriedly muttered.

Naningkit ang madilim nitong mga mata.

Humawak siya sa hamba ng pinto ng aking saksakyan at yumuko nang bahagya para maglebel ang aming paningin.

God, he’s really hot as hell. Napadungaw pa ako sa nakabukas niyang butones at nakita ang mala-bakal niyang dibdib.

“Look at me in the eye, Miss.” Dumagundong sa pandinig ko ang malaking boses nito.

I snapped out of my reverie when I heard him spoke.

“I’m not looking anywhere, Mister,” I said, denial, now looking at him straight in the eye. He arched his brow meticulously.

“I-I, I have to go.” I declare and pulled the door making him move out of my way. Ignoring what he is saying.

I shut the door at mabilis na pinaandar ang sasakyan. My sight threw at the side mirror of my car to see him for once when my car gets away from his place where he’s standing.

His scowl look followed my way. Nakasandal siya sa kaniyang sasakyan habang nakapamulsa ang mga kamay na mariing nakasunod sa aking sasakyan ang tingin.

I took back my sight on the road. The smile plastered on my face when I think of his serious scowl face staring at me earlier. I shook my head. He’s a stranger.

Kinabukasan ay maaga akong nagtungo ng hospital dahil nagising na si Daddy. I can’t take God enough that he’s getting better. My step sister Leigh come with me dahil gusto niya ring makumusta si Dad.

Leigh is Briana’s sister. But their huge difference made me think if they are biological siblings. Leigh is so sweet and a very soft girl while Briana…well, you decide what kind of woman she is.

“He can’t speak thoroughly. Your dad is paralyzed. Hemiplegia caused by stroke. It affects just one side of his body which damages one side of his brain.” That was what the doctor said when I asked him what is wrong with my dad. Nahihirapan siyang magsalita at igalaw ang kaliwang parte ng kaniyang katawan.

I let my dad rest dahil alam kong napagod siya kakapilit igalaw ang kaniyang katawan at sinusubukang magsalita kaninang bago ako makarating ng hospital. I can’t see him struggled to it. Grandpa and Tita Vera decide that he will undergo therapy and physiotherapy abroad if they cannot see any progress here in the hospital.

Gustuhin ko mang sumama ay mukhang hindi ko rin magagawa dahil kailangan ko pang maghanap ng mapapasukang trabaho. I don’t depend on dad anymore kaya wala akong ibang makukuhan ng pera pansustento sa pang araw-araw kong gastusin.

“Bibisita ako mamayang hapon. Take care of Dad, Leigh. Mag breakfast ka na rin muna sa cafeteria, or I’ll buy you food instead?” I asked my sister who’s sitting beside my dad’s mattress.

“I’m good Ate Ria, thanks. Ako nang bahala kay Dad.” She smiled at me, assuringly.

I kissed dad’s forehead and Leigh’s too saying my goodbye.

I went to the mansion and have change my clothes. Halos dalawang oras lang ang naging tulog ko dahil madaling araw na rin nang makauwi ako and I early go to the hospital.

I sat on my vanity and concealed my eyebags with make-up. Thanks to this I will be able to hide this dark shade from last night. I need to look neat ang very presentable for this interview. I put my glossy nude lipstick on my lips and let my wavy long hair behind my back.

I fixed the bushy brows that make me look sophisticated and hostile. I smiled when I get contented and went down and drove my car.

Nang marating ko ang building ng mga Sullivan ay agad rin akong lumabas ng sasakyan ko at pumasok na sa loob.

The employees inside turn their heads on me as I walked towards the front desk. I’m not that popular unlike my sister Briana dahil sila ay legal na ipinakilala bilang isang De Laughrey, unlike me na isang bastardo lang na nakuha ang apelidong mayroon sila.

“Yes, Miss?” The attendant asked me.

“I want to meet the head manager. I’m here as an applicant. I send her my details in the email and I believe that we have an appointment. Please inform her that I’m here.” I said graciously.

“Okay, Miss, you can wait there on our lounges as I reach for your concern.” Aniya at may tinatawagan na sa kabilang linya.

Tumalima at naupo naman ako sa isa sa mga sofa para ipahinga at ikalma ang sarili. Napatingin ako sa aking relos, it’s seven forty-five in the morning. I haven’t eaten breakfast yet. Napahawak ako sa aking sikmura nang kumalam iyon.

But then my attention caught by the people lined up at the entrance of this lobby and slightly bowed their heads. Napalingon ako ngunit hindi na tumayo para makiusosyo.

“Good morning, Mr. Sullivan.” Sabay sabay nilang pagbati.

Agad na nagunot ang noo ko nang marinig ang kanilang sinabi.

Mr. Sullivan? I’ve never met him before. At kung papalaring matanggap ako rito ay dapat matutunan ko ang ganiyang uri nang pagbati.

It’s kinda weird dahil ako na ang gagawa niyan ngayon unlike sa company namin na ako ang tinatrato ng ganiyan.

Oh, he’s here! I stood up nang makitang palakad na s’ya papasok. I can’t see his face because of the crowd but I can see his footstep.

“Miss De Laughrey?” Mabilis akong bumaling nang tingin nang marinig kong tawagin ako sa front desk. It was the attendant.

I walked towards her at nakalimutan na ang planong tingnan ang gawi ni Mr. Sullivan. “Please proceed on the twenty-fifth floor. Mrs. Alcantara is waiting for you there.”

I nod at her, “Thanks,” I thanked her then went to the elevator.

Nang maharap ko ang gawi ng kaninang mga emepleyadong nakahilera ay napansin kong nagsibalikan na ang iba sa kanilang mga pwesto at kaniya kaniyang mga trabaho. Wala na si Mr. Sullivan.

Sayang naman at hindi ko siya nasumpungan. It will be a great impression to me if I just saw him even from afar lalo na kung dito na ako magtatrabaho sa kaniyang kumpanya.

I went inside the elevator and still thinking of him. I remember myself always send at least one or two of my team here to Sullivan’s Real Estate Corporation to take care of the inventory of supplies that we are promoting in this company.

They all said that this man is ruthless in terms of business. He didn’t even blink when he’s making decisions. He’s a veteran being a businessman in this field. Kung tutuusin ay maliit pa ang sa amin kung ikukumpara sa ari-ariang meron sila.

“Good morning, Ms. De Laughrey.” The head manager offered me her hand.

I smiled back and shook it. “Good morning,” I greeted back at her.

“Have a seat, please.” Se pointed to the chair in front of her table.

I obeyed and sat properly on the chair as I held my folder. She took a glance at it, when I get what she means I gave it to her.

“Well, I can see that you’re De Laughrey-” I cutted her off.

“Pardon me, but I want to be hired by my skills and credentials, not by my surname neither my family background.” I clearly said.

Natigilan siya at mukha namang na-impress sa sinabi ko at saka isinarado ang folder na kaniyang hawak. She looked at me straight in the eye with her stern expression. She’s old, if I’m not mistaken she’s in her mid forty’s. And she has this strict glance at me right now. But I used to it, dahil wala pa ito sa paraan nang pagtingin ni Lolo sa’kin.

“Well, I’m gonna straight you forward. You have amazing credentials and impressive skills but our company has enough employees in marketing.”

Napamaang ako ron, I guess I don’t really have the luck I’m trying to have.

Or is this because that I’m De Laughrey and my grandpa manipulated things for me to turned out this way.

I shifted on my sit. Biglang hindi napakali dahil sa sinabi niya.

“M-Maybe you have an extant slot for me? Any kind of work that can fit my skills?” I asked, nawawalan nang pag-asa.

“I’m sorry but we don’t have vacant or any open slot for your knowledge.” She strictly said then pushed my folder towards me.

I let a heavy breath. “Thank you, I understand,” I said as I stood up at nanlulumong kinuha ang aking folder. I have nothing to do here so I decided to just leave.

Akala ko pa naman ay makakapasok na ako rito. I’m confident and proud of my background works. But it happened to be not the way I am thinking.

Palabas na ako ng opisina nang biglang bumukas ang pinto nito at pumasok ang isang babae na hindi nalalayo sa aking edad.

Nagmamadali nitong tinungo ang head manager at ani mong humahangos pa mula sa pagkakatakbo.

“Mrs. Alcantara, Mr. Sullivan ordered you to hire a new secretary for him. He’s furious earlier and he fired his secretary for the commotion it did. Ayaw n’ya raw nang tatanga tanga kagaya ng nangyari kanina. He wants you to find an adequate and eligible in that position. It was all that he said.” The woman stated.

The smile immediately crept to my lips.

Mabilis akong humarap sa kanila at umayos nang tindig. Great! I assume that I will get this one.

Napatingin sa akin si Mrs. Alcantara from head to foot. Masungit at matalas ang dalawang mga mata nitong sinuri ako. Then she smiled at me weirdly later on.

“Do you have patience?” She suddenly asked me.

“Of course, yes!” I almost cheered.

“Just don’t be stupid and you’ll last at your job. Are we clear, Ms. De Laughrey?”

“Copy, Mrs. Alcantara,” I replied.

“Have you ever been a secretary before?” She asked which made me realize.

Napalunok naman ako ron. “I haven’t. But I think I can do that job and of course, I know what a secretary does.” I confidently said.

“It’s a different kind of secretary.” She probed.

My forehead creased at that. “W-What kind of secretary it is, Mrs. Alcantara?” Naguguluhan kong tanong sa kaniya dahil hindi maintindihan ang kaniyang sinabi.

Tumungo ito at mabagal na naglakad palapit sa akin.

“Being Mr. Sullivan’s secretary, your office will not be out of his office. You’re not allowed to be always on his side. You’re just being present to his office when he called you to come over, whenever he has board meetings, and especially when you’re submitting your works.”

Napamaang naman ako sa sinabi niya. What kind of secretary is that? It seems like a normal employee. Ang pinagkaiba lang ay pwede akong pumunta ng opisina niya if he wants and if I’m going to submit my works.

“And another one, he doesn’t want you around him. Arrange his schedule and always remind him. Hindi mo kailangang bumuntot kung nasaan siya palagi. And in addition, asahan mo na ang gabundok na paper works na gagawin mo sa maghapon.”

Halos bumagsak ang panga ko sa sinabi niya. It’s one of a kind hard job for a secretary. At ang mas lalong nagpahirap pa dito ay ang mga dapat trabahuhing mga papeles sa buong maghapon. Hindi ka nga mapapagod kakasunod sa boss mo tambak naman ang opisina mo.

I let a sigh. I don’t think it’s a bad job after all. At least I won’t see my boss most of the time dahil sa opisina lang ako. I feel like I’m gonna work on my own without having him around me like what my job was before.

“I’m ready, Mrs. Alcantara.” I nod my head then glance at her. Accepting her offer.

“Good. Now let’s see if you are qualified.” Anito at binalingan ang babaeng nakatingin sa akin. “Tell him that I already had found what he needs.” Mrs. Alacantara informed her.

Matamis ang ngiting nakaguhit sa aking mga labi habang paakyat kami ng top floor kung saan ang opisina ni Mr. Sullivan. I feel confident with Mrs. Alcantara as she escorted me into his office.

Pagkabukas pa lang ng opisina ni Mr. Sullivan ay namangha na ako.

I’m not new to this kind of place. What surprised me is the big office it has. Halos doble ito ng laki nang opisina ni Lolo. The office was painted with only three variant colors, black, rusty theme, and gray.

From the large sofas for the guess and the high ceiling where the chandelier placed. The large table that has a lot of papers to work on, apparently for Mr. Sullivan.

“Mukhang wala rito si Mr. Sullivan.” Baling sa akin ni Mrs. Alcantara. “You can just wait for him here inside. He has your resume.” Ani ng ginang na istriktong nakatingin sa akin.

“Yeah sure, thanks.” I happily said to her.

“Don’t meddle with his things. Behave if you really need this job.” She remarked before she finally left me inside.

I didn’t mind what she said because I know what I need to do.

She went out at ako naman ay naiwan mag-isa sa loob. Naglakad ako palapit sa salamin kung saan tanaw ang iba pang matatayog na impastraktura.

I roamed my eyes inside this large office. Tinungo ko ang bookshelves sa kaliwang bahagi ng opisinang ito at tiningnan ang nagkakapalang mga libro.

I let my hand trace the books as I walked towards its ends. Huminto ako at nakita ang isang table na naglalaman ng iilang picture frames.

Napalingon ako sa paligid at nakitang ako lang talaga mag-isa rito sa loob. So I surveyed every framed my eyes caught. There are three frames here, the first photo was a bridge. I was amazed when I familiarized this place. It was the bridge where I attempted to kill myself. I sighed when I remember that night. It is terrifying me every time it runs in my mind. It feels like it happened just yesterday.

I took a step and take a look at the second photo. It was an old place, a two-story Spaniard house. I look at it closer to see if I know this place, it was a coffee shop. Then the third photo is larger among the two. I touched and took it eventually. Marahan at maingat ko ’yong pinagmasdan.

It was a picture of a woman and a man. There was beautiful scenery of sunset with the silhouette of two lovers. It was so picturesque.

I gently wiped the frame with my hand to get rid of the little dust that covered the beautiful picture. I smiled when it’s now cleared.

“What the heck your existence doing here?” I jumped in panic when I heard a very deep and humid voice from behind me, dahilan para mabitiwan ko ang hawak kong litrato at mahulog iyon sa sahig.

“Oh my gosh…” I breathily said after I recover from my squeal. Napahawak ako sa aking bibig at marahang hinarap ang kung sinomang nasa likuran ko.

My eyes widened and my lips half-open when this man glared at me like in grave. His thick black brows were very furrowed, his set of deep grey eyes made me swallowed hard as it strikes my sight badly, like my skin getting peeled anytime soon.

“Get…out…of my office, immediately.” He said in a very patient way but the boldness and authority remain. He’s mad and he’s just controlling himself to burst out.

“I-I’m so sorry, I’m g-gonna fixed this framed. I-I promised to revamp it–”

“I said I want you out of my sight! This instant!” His voice thundered inside his office.

I shivered, I felt my knees trembled as he pulled me and pushed me away to get the broken pieces of the frame. He held the picture, his eyes darted on me sharply and deadly, and all I can feel is fear.

“I-I’m s-sorry, Sir. Hindi ko po sinasadyang–”

“Get out!” He shouted at the top of his lungs. His neck turned to red when he shouted at me. He’s fuming mad. He was kneeling on the floor as he carried the picture I broke.

I bit my lips harshly at hindi alam kung ano ang dapat na gawin. Nang tapunan n’ya akong muli nang isang matalim na tingin ay kinilabutan ako. His eyes were screaming in the rampage.

Mabilis akong naglakad palabas ng pinto at nanginginig ang dalawang kamay at binti sa takot. Habol ang hininga at nanlalamig ang katawan. I felt my tear clung to my eyes.

Nakatingin sa akin ang ilang empleyadong nakakasalubong ko pagkalabas ko ng opisina habang tinatahak ko ang daan patungong elevator.

I said I wouldn’t do anything stupid but what happened now? I’m going crazy. It was my fault why he got upset and kicked me out of his office. That is my only chance and yet I lose it.

Nanginginig kong tinungo ang basement at sumakay sa sasakyan ko. Sandali kong isinubsob ang aking sarili sa manibela. Malakas akong bumuntong-hininga at hinampas ang manibela at sumandal sa upuan.

“What will I do now? I screwed up in this life. I’m such a hoodoo.” I exclaimed, letting out some of my burdens I’m having right now.

Napahilamos ako sa aking sarili at hinagod ang aking buhok sa sobrang frustration. Mariin akong napapikit habang inaalala ang sunod sunod na kamalasang nangyayari sa buhay ko.

My long-term boyfriend cheated on me, and what hurts me more ay kapatid ko pa ang pinatulan niya. I loved him, but he never loves me the way I lend my heart to him.

The person who I only love at nagparamdam na espesyal ako ay ngayong nakaratay sa hospital at may sakit. I can’t lose him too. Siya nalang ang meron ako.

Now, my Grandpa fired me. What kind of family I have? What kind of life I am having?

Umaalon ang aking dibdib kasabay nang mahina kong paghikbi. Ang tagal kong nabuhay na ganito ang trato sa akin ng mga tao sa paligid ko.

I always walked alone. I always dreamed alone. But I never wish good for myself alone. I will never be that selfish bitch they are accusing me of. I’m very far from what they can imagine.

I give my very best for their acceptance of me, being alive and living with them. I worked hard for what I had and where I am today.

But what they look at and see in me has never changed. No matter how many achievements I win, no matter how good I am as a child and grandchild, it will end up the same. Being a mistake, a bastard, nothing, and unworthy. That’s how they see me.

I always wondered if my mom is missing me. Kasi ako, I missed her…a lot. I asked myself if she’s just here to take care of me, to treasure me, to make me feel like I’m loved. Things wouldn’t be like this.

All my life I lived and lost in my wild dreams. That one day I will be loved. That I will be happy with the people who showered me with their unfiltered affection. That someday…someone will take my hand away from this excruciating pain I’m having all my life and escaped from the reality where the pain, hatred, insecurities, and worth never matter.

Huminto ako sa pag-iyak nang makarinig ako nang isang malakas na tunog. Malakas at sunod-sunod na busina ng sasakyan.

Malalim akong napasinghap habang pinagmamasdan ang isang sasakyang bubunggo sa sasakyan kong nakaharang ngayon sa daan.

If this is the life that I have and I’ve done my part, it’s better for me to take a rest. It’s done, no heartaches anymore. I said in my mind as I shut my eyes dramatically, ears filled by the loud noise of a car crashing to mine anytime soon.

Kabanata 3

Kabanata 3

Name

If this is the life that I have and I’ve done my part, it’s better for me to take a rest. It’s done, no heartaches anymore. I said in my mind as I shut my eyes dramatically, ears filled by the loud noise of a car crashing to mine.

“Open the damn door!” Dinig kong sigaw ng lalaking nagpamulat sa akin.

My mouth dramatically opens when I saw the car stop in front of my car. It doesn’t really hit me.

Napalingon ako sa bintana ko nang makita ang lalaking kanina pa kinakatok ito. Maybe he’s the car owner in front of me. Napangiwi akong napansin na nakahawak sa baywang ang lalaki, animong nagtitimpi ng galit.

Hindi ko mapagmasdan ang kaniyang mukha at tanging katawan lang ang nakikita ko dahil nasa labas ito mismo ng pinto ng sasakyan ko.

“I said open this fucking door.” He grunted outside, sharply.

I obeyed and open my car, umatras siya nang maramdamang bubuksan ko na iyon.

“Are you freaking out of your mind? You are in the middle of the parking lot at ano sa tingin mo ang ginagawa mo d’yan? Do you even know how to drive? You’re crazy!” His voice was hostile as he thundered furiously.

Nang makalabas ako ng tuluyan at mamukhaan siya ay nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang makita si Mister. The guy I meet at the coffee shop.

I smiled, radiantly when I saw him standing in front of me. But it faded when I notice his piercing eyes darted on me. Nakaigting ang mga panga at nakakunot ang noo.

And what surprised me…his wearing the same clothes like… Mr. Sullivan.

“Hindi ko alam na hindi ka pa rin pala nakakaalis sa lugar ko.” He uttered darkly, slowly walking towards my way until we are three feet afar from each other.

He’s really a ruthless man. Ibang iba ang dating niya mula kagabi kumpara sa opisina niya kanina at sa ngayon. He’s very different in that he makes my knees trembled. But not again. His mad earlier in his office and I know that I’m at fault.

I really didn’t recognize him earlier, possibly because I’m so scared that I did a clumsy stance that made me lost my sanity when the beast rawred his prey.

Diretso lang ang tingin ko sa kaniya. Kinakabahan, but I still manage to compose myself.

“I-I’m sorry for what happened earlier. Hindi ko talaga sinasadya.” Ani ko.

Pinanliitan niya ako ng mata at saka binalingan ang aking sasakyan. He remembers me… I guess.

“I didn’t recognize you, Mister. You’re Mr. Sullivan?–”

“Take your car away out of this place. Kung hindi mo kaya, tatawag ako ng kayang gumawa.” Malamig nitong sambit at mabilis akong tinalikuran.

“Mr. Sullivan! Mister! Hey, wait!” Pagtawag ko rito nang papasok na siya sa kaniyang sasakyan.

He glances at me, pissed off. I wince at that and sighed. He stopped beside his car and faced me with his stubborn scowl look.

“What?” He asked, annoyed then licked his red thin lips. I looked away nang doon tumama ang aking paningin.

“Ah, Mister can you-”

“Stop calling me Mister, you idiot.”

Napanganga ako sa sinabi niya at nag-init ang ulo. Agad na nagsalubong ang dalawa kong kilay at nagguhit sa isang linya ang aking labi.

No one called me that. Even my Grandpa and Anti Vera na kinasusuklaman ako buong buhay nila.

“A-Anong sinabi mo?”

He just twitched his lips in disbelief then open the door of his car.

“At least I’m not that stupid like you! I’m not a monster na kinatatakutan nang lahat.” ’Di ko na napigilan pa ang aking bibig.

Shit. Hindi ko na talaga makukuha pa itong trabaho na ito. Slap me!

Hinarap n’ya ako. Seryoso at matalim ang mga matang sumasalubong sa akin pabalik. His jaw moved.

“I-I’m Eleftheria– ah, n-nice to meet you! You are?” Magalang at giliw na kinakabahan kong tanong sa kaniya. Ibang iba sa galit kong ekspresyon kanina nang maalala ang tungkol sa trabaho. I’m smiling like a real idiot, damn.

Inilahad ko pa ang aking kamay at malawak ang ngiting ibinibigay sa kaniya.

He smirks after his scowl devilish glared at me, though without any humor in it.

“You’re an idiot. Kilala mo ako, ask me another question and you can never walk in my place again.” His voice is tremendous.

Napapahiya kong inalis ang kamay kong nakaabang sa kan’ya sa ere at napangiwi kalaunan. I bit my lower lips, gulped hard as I glimpsed at his way.

Tumahimik ako hanggang tuluyan na s’yang nakapasok sa kaniyang sasakyan. He drove it at napaatras pa ako sa gulat.

Nanlulumo akong bumalik sa sasakyan ko at nagmaneho paalis nang lugar na ito. That brute! Akala mo pagmamay-ari na ang mundo.

Kung hindi ko lang kailangan ang trabahong ’to hindi naman ako sa kumpanya n’ya mag-a-apply. I shooked my head in annoyance when I remember our first impression at his office. If I wasn’t meddling with his stuff, I would be happy working now.

I went to Sofia’s café to ate my lunch there. Tinanghali na ako at wala namang napala. I haven’t eaten since morning, I heard my stomach crumpled.

“Oh, Ria! What happened last night? I’m really sorry ’di na kita nasabayan umuwi.” Sofi’s voice welcomed me to her counter.

“No, it’s fine, Sofi. Nothing to worry about. I, I just wanna get out of that place. You know, I feel suffocated with Tommen and Briana’s presence.” I smiled at her a bit.

“You got nothing to worry too! My cousin makes them banned there. So…later tonight, are you in?” She pursed her lips.

Napaisip ako, well I enjoyed last night so I definitely go.

“Yeah, sure!” I replied.

“That’s perfect then!” She grinds and giggles afterward.

We both laughed in unison. This girl really knows how to make me say yes.

“Wait for me here, mabilis lang ako. Same order pa rin ba?” Si Sofi.

“Yup, same order, and same sit,” I informed her.

“Okay,” she said at iniwan muna akong mag-isa para s’ya mismo ang mag-asikaso ng pagkain ko.

“Turkey Pesto Panini and uhm… Cold Brew Coffee.”

“That’s all, sir?” I heard a womanly voice said just near us.

Hinanap ng paningin ko ang pinanggalingan no’n. At nang lumingon ako sa customer na kausap ng babae ay nag-init ang kulo ng dugo ko. I smirked in dismay. Do I really need to see this man?

“That’s all.” His deep cold voice muttered. Nakapamulsa si Mr. Sullivan at seryoso lang ang tingin ng kaniyang buryong mga mata.

Ang babae naman ay halos mamula na ang buong mukha kakamadali habang ang iba naman ay nakikita kong nagnanakaw ng tingin sa kaniya. Napangiwi ako ron. He’s not handsome for me. He’s a brute.

I met him at the coffee shop last night and I thought it would be a nice approach to see him earlier. Pero malay ko bang s’ya pala si Mr. Sullivan. I’m not sorry but no one really informed me of that.

Lumawak ang ngisi ko at naging isang makawak na ngiti nang mabaling ang tingin n’ya sa gawi ko. We’re just near to each other actually, he was on a different line, so am I.

He just glances at me then looked away, snob, ani mong hindi kami nagkita kaninang umaga.

Bumawi rin ako nang tingin. Not that I’m expecting him to at least gaze at me irritatedly, but he just glances like his eyes met me accidentally and then flew away. God.

Ngumiti akong muli nang makitang parating na si Sofi. “Okay na, iseserve na ng waiter ’yung order mo. The same old table right?” She said.

“Yeah, thanks! Kain muna ’ko, mamaya na tayo ulit mag-usap.” I said my goodbye then strolled toward my place.

I have always sat at the side of this café ever since. Dahil tanaw mula rito ang magandang tanawin sa labas at kapag gabi naman ay masisilayan mo ang hindi mabilang na nagkikislapang mga bituin. The fresh wind blows me like I was rejuvenated every time it hits my skin.

Napahinto lang ako sa paglalakad sa tapat ng lamesang paborito kong pwesto nang makita ang prenteng nakaupo na si Mr. Sullivan. What the…

His gaze from his phone lifted on me.

“Excuse me, Mister but this table isn’t vacant,” I uttered seriously.

Ginugutom na ako at wala akong balak makipagtalo.

His brows raised in disbelief. “It’s vacant–” I cut him off.

“Reason why it’s reserved for me. Maghanap ka ng ibang pwesto kung gusto mo.”

“Do it yourself then,” he hissed then looked back to his phone.

I groaned. This brute!

“You’re not in your place, Mr. Sullivan. I’m not your employee to just fetch things for you.” I arched my brows, showing him that I’m seriously annoyed.

He crossed his arms, lean his back at the soft chair, and glared at me intently.

“Who says you’re my employee? You’re the secretary that Mrs. Alcantara suggests to me earlier, who invadedly ruined my things. I would rather have you as my janitress than stood behind me as my secretary.” He emphasized the last words.

My heart aches from what he just said.

“Fine, hindi rin naman ako magkakandarapang mag-apply sa kumpanyang halimaw ang nagmamay-ari. There’s a lot of companies who would definitely hire me more than just a secretary, so why waste my time on you?” I smiled at him, pissing him more.

Naupo ako sa tapat n’ya at hindi s’ya pinansin. It’s my table so it’s either he leaves or stayed because I won’t leave. Him, he should leave and find for his new sit.

My food is served at gano’n din ang kan’ya. Magmula nang maupo ako ay hindi na n’ya inalis pa ang tingin sa akin.

“Ah wait,” I get the attention of the waiter, matamis naman itong ngumiti sa akin.

“Yes po, Ma’am Ria?” Tanong nito dahil halos kilala na rin ako ng ilang waiter dito dahil madalas akong magtungo sa lugar na gaya nito.

“Tell Sofi to find a perfect table for this perfect human being sitting in front of me. I want him gone of my sight.” Ani ko habang mataman ring nakikipaglaban ng titigan sa kan’ya. I smirked when I saw his jaw clenched. He’s pissed and it feels good to me.

“But Ma’am Ria, Mr. Sullivan–” I cut the waiter off when I saw him struggling looking at him.

“Tell my friend, hmm?” I mumbled, greedily.

“Y-Yes Ma’am,” natatarantang sabi nito at nagmamadaling umalis sa tabi ko.

Mapang-uyam akong tumingin sa Sullivan na ito habang iritadong mukha nito ang ibinibigay sa akin.

“Hindi ako aalis. I’ll stay.” He sternly muttered.

I pursed my lips. “Oh, really? Then it doesn’t have any case for me. But in one condition,” I hinted and lean a bit at the table.

Nakukuryoso naman ako nitong pinagmasdan pero ang pagiging suplado ay hindi na ata talaga mawawala sa kan’yang ekspresyon.

“What is it?” He said, annoyed and boredly gaze at me.

“Keep your mouth zip. Ayokong marinig ang boses mo. Keep your face away from me, out of my sight. I don’t want to see your face.” Ani ko.

Matamis akong napangiti nang halos mag-isang linya ang dalawang makapal nitong kilay.

“It’s not a deal you want me to do right?” He asked me in disbelief.

Ipinatong ko ang aking dalawang kamay sa gilid ng aking pinggan sa lamesa.

“I’m not here to propose or for some deal as your company will be engaged in the future, Mr. Sullivan. You’re not stupid kaya alam mo kung ano ang ibig kong sabihin.” I smiled sweetly then sipped in my iced coffee.

Sabay kaming napabaling ng tingin sa waiter ng dumating ito. Mas lumawak ang ngiti ko nang makita si Sofi na nakatayo na rin sa tabi nito at may alanganing tingin sa akin.

My smiling lips shivered a bit but I manage for it to not fade.

Yumukod si Sofi sa aking tainga.

“I forgot to tell you na may kahati ka na pala sa favorite table mo. I can’t say no to him, Ria, I’m sorry. He’s a big boss, a very hot burning living sensation bachelor.” She mumbled, apologetically but the giggles never escape.

Nang humiwalay si Sofi sa akin ay malakas kaming pekeng tumawa sa isa’t isa na parang mga may sapi.

“Ah, so ’yun pala ’yong dahilan? I get it now.” Bulalas ko kay Sofi kahit na hindi naman talaga alam ang tinutukoy ko.

“Yes, Ria. Kaya sigi, maiwan ko muna kayo. Mr. Sullivan, please enjoy the company of my friend.” Exit ni Ria sa amin habang ako ay naiwang parang tangang bahagya pa ring tumatawa.

Damn…

Pasiring kong hinarap si Mr. Sullivan na may naglalarong ngisi sa mga labi, ani mong nagtagumpay at narinig ang binulong ni Sofi sa akin.

Kumain ako at hindi nalang s’ya tinapunan ng tingin ngunit ramdam ko naman ang kan’yang paninitig sa akin. Naiilang tuloy ako, I tried to be specific on my every move just to make him feel that I’m not bothered even though, I really am feeling disturbed.

Nauna akong tumayo sa kaniya at naglakad na patungong counter para sana magbayad ng bill ko kay Sofi.

“Sof, I’ll transfer my bills to your bank account later, wala kong cash ngayon eh.” Ani ko nang maabutan ko ito.

“Ah, hindi na, binayaran na ni Mr. Sullivan ’yung meal mo. You know what, I really feel something strange about him. Magkakilala ba kayo? For sure you know him dahil iisang industry lang ang company n’ya at ng Lolo mo.” Usisa nito sa akin na may mapanudyong mga ngiti.

Napakunot naman ako ng noo at sinimangutan s’ya.

“N-No, I don’t know him. I told you, promise he’s also strange to me. Ngayon ko lang ’yan nakita. Lagi ba ’yan dito sa café? W-What is his name again?” I lied, profusely as I nod my head in denial.

Pinanlakihan ako nito ng mata at ani mong hindi kapanipaniwala ang mga sinasabi ko.

“You said so, but I know you, Ria. Marami ka palang utang na kwento sa akin. By the way his name, that’s what you need to find out.” Then she giggled before going back to her work.

Lilingunin ko sana ang lalaking iyon na iniwan ko sa table namin nang magulat ako pagkaharap sa gawi n’ya. He’s not there anymore, he’s now standing…right in front of me.

Pigil hininga akong napakurap ng dalawang beses. Seryoso ang dalawang mata nitong nakatunghay sa’kin.

“A-Anong ginagawa mo?” I asked, stuttered by his intimidating presence.

“Follow me in my office, let’s talk about work, Ms. De Laughrey. I expect you to stalk my car back to my building.” He said in a very formal manner. Ibang iba sa istrikto at suplado nitong tono nang pananalita.

Naiwan akong nakatingin sa ere at mabilis na sinundan s’ya palabas ng café. I saw him rode his car. At gano’n din ang ginawa ko. Nagmamadali akong sumakay ng sasakyan ko at minaobra kasunod ng sasakyan n’ya.

Wala naman na dapat akong maging utang na loob sa kaniya dahil lang sa binayaran niya ang pananghalian ko. But then, this work he is offering was a big deal for me to followed him.

After I parked my car at the parking lot ay nakita ko na s’yang papasok ng elevator at may mga guards na nakasunod sa kan’ya.

I was about to went outside of my car nang mahagilap ko ang sarili sa rearview mirror. Hulas na ang mukha ko at ang labi ay bahagyang namumutla na.

I get my pouch at the backseat and pull the mirror from the ceiling of my car. I wiped my face with wet wipes to freshen my skin. I fixed my brows and curled my thick eyelashes. I put a bit of blush on my cheeks and shaped my lips with the matte peach lipstick that made my fairy skin glow.

I brushed my natural wavy light brown hair with my bare fingers to make it look presentable. Inayos ko rin ang pagkakasuot ko ng blazer at ng pencil skirt ko. My top was a simple white chiffon blouse long sleeves v-neck shirt.

I hurriedly went out of my car at confident na sumakay ng elevator. I press the top floor and smiled at my reflection inside the elevator.

Okay, he said that he wants us to talk about work. Maybe I really have this luck. That brute, pasuplado keme pa kukuhanin din naman pala ako sa trabaho.

Pagkabukas ng elevator ay walang pagdadalawang isip kong pinasok ang opisina n’ya.

My eyes dilated stunned when I saw the familiar bulked back of an old man. I remain standing at the open door, lalabas na sana ako at hindi na tutuloy sa pagpasok.

“Oh, there she is. Come on in, Miss Aiden.” Mr. Sullivan called me as he stood up from his seat.

How did he know and called me by my second name?

Napalingon naman si Mr. De Laughrey na kasama si Tita Vera sa kinatatayuan ko. Bumaba ang tingin ko sa sahig at hindi nakayanang tingnan sila pabalik.

“I’d like to apologize to my secretary for attending here late.” Mr. Sullivan’s voice said in a very serious but in a business manner.

Naglakad ako at taas noong hindi binigyan ng pansin ang dalawang ka-business meeting ni Mr. Sullivan. I stood beside his chair, may inabot ito sa aking folder na nagtataka ko munang pinagmasdan bago ko tinanggap.

Ang mga titig ni Lolo at Tita Vera ang nagpailang sa akin lalo.

“Sorry, where are we again?” I heard Tita Vera asked in a very contagious way, ignoring my presence like she doesn’t know and see me at all.

“I will let you buy the twenty-five percent of our company’s shares if you marry my granddaughter. And when the time you’re married, you’ll gonna take the head of the company. It will be a good alliance between your company and to ours, it will benefit the both of us. To strengthen the family tradition.” It’s my Grandpa who’s speaking.

Napatingin ako kay Lolo at tinigil ang pagkukunwaring may binabasa sa folder nang marinig ’yon.

“What’s your opinion about it?” Mr. Sullivan asked and looked at my way.

Hinarap ko s’ya at pinanlakihan ng mata. The heck, why is he asking me about this matter?!

Marahan pa n’ya akong tinanguan, animong hinihintay ang kahit anong sasabihin ko. Nakita ko ring nasa akin ang mata ng dalawang kausap n’ya.

“It’s a future matter, Mr. Sullivan. You should have think of it thoroughly.” ’Yon lang ang tangi kong sinabi at ang matalas na titig sa akin ni Tita Vera ay ang nagpaurong sa akin.

Nagiging matapang ako kapag sarili ko na ang ipagtatanggol ko. But in this kind of situation ay hindi ako maaaring gumawa ng kahit ano.

I am looking for a job at kung malalaman ng Sullivan na ito na connected ako sa dalawang kausap n’ya na alam naming pareho na kakumpitensya ng kumpanya ay paniguradong tagilid na ako.

But even if he noticed that earlier because he has my resume and still hired me, then it’s a good catch after all.

And he also called me by my surname earlier at the cafe!

“I have made my decision, Mr. De Laughrey. I don’t think it will change anytime soon.” Mr. Sullivan declared at nagsitayuan na sila.

“I respect your decision, Mr. Sullivan. We gotta go.” Grandpa uttered, didn’t took a glance at me this time.

They shook their hands before departing. My aunt hawking her eyes on me before stalking my Grandpa outside the office.

I swallowed hard when I felt my throat dried. Nang tuluyang maisarado ang pintuan ay nagugulat akong lumingon kay Mr. Sullivan na nakaharap sa aking gawi ang swivel chair at may supladong mga tingin.

I bit my lower lips.

“S-So what are we going to discuss, Mr. Sullivan?” I made a subject, naiilang sa matalim n’yang mga tingin.

Lumayo ako sa tabi n’ya at nagtungo sa harapan ng malapad n’yang table. I didn’t sit, waiting for his command.

Nahuli ko ang kan’yang mata na nakatunghay sa akin. I cleared my throat, getting his attention.

“You’re now my secretary. You’re starting your first day and officially my employee now. So you need to be always present at my future meetings, arranged my schedule, submit engaged papers and proposals in time and most of all, be. on. time. Because I hate latecomers. And also, you’re not stalking me anywhere.” He clearly said, emphasizing his last three words.

I breathe, “Okay, I’ve never been a secretary before because I’m always in the project and finance team but I swear to you to make my best to be good in and fit into this job.” I admitted to him.

He lifts his hand with a pen on it. “Sign the contract, and you will be hired. That’s how easy it is.” He handed me the pen and the long folder he gave me earlier nang ka-meeting n’ya sila Lolo kanina.

“I assumed you already read what’s inside the contract, so let’s not waste our time here.” Aniya.

Hindi ko talaga naintindahan ang binasa ko kanina dahil okupado ang utak ko sa pakikinig sa kanila kanina. Kinuha ko ang ballpen at mabilis na pinirmahan ang kontrata. It’s just a contract, a normal contract that includes the benefits of this company.

“Done,” I smirked at him, pushing the folder towards his way.

Kinuha n’ya ito at mabilis ring pinirmahan at sinarado ng matapos.

Tumayo s’ya mula sa pagkakaupo at naglakad patungo sa harapan ko. Halos mapalunok ako nang makita kung gaano s’ya katikas tumindig.

His usual superior and snobbish intimidating glare were critically grazing me. I step back when he’s getting more closer and closer to me.

Naaamoy ko na ang panlalaking amoy nito na halos magpanginig sa aking kalamnan. His sculpted jaw clenched then he halted.

“A-Anong ginagawa mo?” I asked him, strangely.

His dark eyes brighten and begin to be lightened as they turned to hazel brown when the sunlight struck his face.

His perfectly fair skin softens as it glows by the sunlight. His stubborn jaw moving and lips twitching as his eyes glistened to me.

My lips parted when he took another step so I step back but I tripped. He immediately held my back, caught me from falling to the ground.

Napakapit ako sa kan’yang dibdib. I gripped his white button-down shirt inside his coat. Habang unti-unting nagiging mabilis ang tahip ng aking dibdib.

My heart thumped and my breath heave. Our skin touches each other, I felt his hand at my back tightened his hold. I gulped while he’s just seriously staring at my eyes down to my parted lips.

My sight dripped down also to his soft thin red lips, he licked and bite his lower lips that became swollen than it is before.

“M-Mr. Sullivan…” I muttered as my voice stuttered.

“Rhaegar, I’d like it better, Miss De Laughrey.”

Kabanata 4

Kabanata 4

Help

I froze, so he really knows that I’m a De Laughrey.

Marahan ko siyang itinulak palayo nang matauhan ako. He cleared his throat and looked away. He removed his coat and hang it at the back of his swivel chair.

The sunset lights reach our place and are scattered through the glass wall. Reflecting the orange light in ours, showing our golden hour picturesque.

I damp my lips when I felt it dry. Mr. Sullivan didn’t speak. Naglakad ito at tinanaw ang magandang paglubog ng araw sa likod ng nagtatayugang gusali.

His broad shoulder facing my way. Nakapamulsa ito habang mahigpit na kumakapit ang puting long sleeves nito sa kan’yang braso at malapad na balikat.

I took a step palapit sa kan’ya. “W-Why you call me on my second name?” I asked him.

Hindi s’ya gumalaw sa kan’yang kinatatayuan. “Dahil gusto ko.” Malamig nitong sambit.

“Eleftheria was my first name, but they called me Ria. I prefer it more than my second name basis.”

Hindi s’ya umimik. Marahan muli akong naglakad palapit sa gawi n’ya. “Mr. Sullivan, I really do apologize for what happened. Hindi ko sinasadyang pakialaman ang mga picture frames n’yo. I-It’s just that, I was curious and amazed.”

“We’re now even now, for real. I guess?” Aniya pagkatapos ng mahabang katahimikan.

My lids slowly open and glared at him when he turned his way on me. His eyes were dimming but screaming in seriousness. He has always been like this since the day we collide accidentally at the café.

“The coffee, you mean?” Paninigurado kong tinutukoy n’ya.

“Yeah,” aniya at naglakad na patungong lamesa n’ya at kinuha ang kaniyang black coat.

“I’m going home, you should too. Maaga tayo bukas sa opisina.” Tanging sinabi nito at tuluyan nang lumabas ng silid.

Hindi ako makapaniwalang sumakay ng sasakyan ko habang pinapaandar ang makina nito.

Mr. Sullivan, the cold-hearted, snobbish and ruthless hot bachelor seems lithesome to me. I smirked when I remembered how close our distance is.

Rhaegar…

His name didn’t leave my mind that night. His deep-set gray piercing eyes always showed up in my mind. His stubborn jaw that I always like seeing it moving, controlling his temper because of me.

I went out of my condo unit dahil dito na ako umuwi kagabi. I also have my other things left at the mansion but I’ll take those stuff maybe this weekend. After my grandpa fired me at the office, we had never been talked since that day.

At ang huling kita ko nga sa kanila ay ’yung sa opisina ni Mr. Sullivan. They didn’t care about me that much…as in at all.

Pasakay na ako ng elevator pababa nang lobby ng condominium when the elevator opens and I went inside. There’s this guy inside that my peripheral vision caught. But when I realize who it was I almost winced at that moment. It’s Mr. Sullivan. Standing proudly beside me, alone.

“G-Good morning Mr. Sullivan,” I greeted him, trying to be cheerful as I can when my face seems in unbelief to see him here.

“Morning,” he simply replied, also surprised by my presence.

Okay, we didn’t really expect each other to meet here. It’s only six-thirty in the morning when I took a glance at my wrist. Dito rin ang condo n’ya?

I silently stood beside him. Halos manliit pa ako nang makita ang repleksyon naming dalawa sa salamin ng elevator. He’s a bit bulky and tall as he is. He’s more than six foot taller if I’m not mistaken, while I’m only five-seven.

Napatingin ako sa kan’ya at hindi naman ako nito pinansin. The elevator opens and the three men entered. They were smiling at me so I smiled at them back. Me being sensible.

Tumabi sa aking tabi ang dalawang lalaki na hindi nalalayo ang edad sa akin. I moved a bit, umatras ako at hindi namalayang nakatingin sa akin si Mr. Sullivan na istriktong nakamasid.

He was on the back of us four, sumenyas pa ito gamit ang mga mata at tiningnan ang gawing tabi n’ya. I get what he was meant for that.

Tumabi ako sa kan’ya sa likuran ng tatlong lalaki na napatingin pa sa’kin at mukhang nalungkot na hindi na nila ako katabi.

Halos mahinto naman ako sa paghinga when I smelled Mr. Sullivan’s manly perfume. It seems very natural to him, his fresh scents, mint, and newly shaved. It’s getting inside my nerves. I licked my lower lips then gulped afterward.

Sabay kaming lumabas ng groundfloor at tinungo ang basement. Tahimik lang at walang nagtangkang magsalita.

I’m his secretary, right? I should have asked him about his schedule and meetings that I need to arrange this morning for the whole day. Or para na rin hindi boring at awkward dahil mukhang wala talaga s’yang balak na kausapin ako.

Nasa basement na kami papunta sa sarili naming sasakyan nang maisipan kong magsalita.

“Mr. Sullivan…” I called then he stopped walking and took a glance on my way.

He is breathtaking when his eyes boredly gaze at me.

“What?” Masungit nitong ani.

Umagang-umaga ang sungit naman nito. Napanguso ako bago nagsalita.

“Dito rin pala ang condo n’yo? We’re neighbors? Or…nah?” Oh god! I’m sulked at making petty conversations just to lighten up the mood.

Nakatitig lang ito sa akin, animong napakawalang-kwenta ng mga pinagsasabi ko.

“Yeah, sabi ko nga. We should go to the office-” he shut me up.

“I’m living in here, top floor. It’s my cousin’s condominium.” He lazily growled.

Napatango naman ako at matamis s’yang nginitian. He’s talking to me! Syempre hindi ko pinahalatang sobra akong natuwa nang magsalita s’ya.

“Hmm, okay.” Tangi kong naiusal at nagpatiusad na papasok ng sasakyan ko. Gano’n din naman s’ya na ilang sasakyan lang ang pagitan namin sa parking lot.

Oh gosh, walang kupas ang ngiting hindi mawala wala sa aking mga labi habang pinagmamasdan ang sasakyan n’yang nakasunod sa aking likuran.

Lord, I’m from heartbreak and now you are going to give me another heartache, isn’t he? Bulong ko sa itaas bago bumaba ng sasakyan nang marating na ang building ng kumpaniya.

Natigil lang ako nang makita ko ang phone kong may text message. The number wasn’t registered but the message clearly saying that it was him.

Unknown Number:

Buy me a coffee, Café Americano, and a Caramel Macchiato. Make it quick.

It’s Rhaegar who texted me! Hindi na ako nagtaka kung bakit mayroon siyang number ko, maybe from my resume or company’s records. Mabilis akong bumalik papasok sa loob ng sasakyan ko at mabilis ’yong pinaandar patungong cafe ni Sofi.

“Hey, good morning! You’re early, huh?” Sofi said, teasingly nang bumungad siya sa akin pagkapasok ko.

“Café Americano and Caramel Macchiato. Make it quick, please.” Ani ko kay Sofi na mukhang kadarating lang din.

“Are you in rush, Ria? Kadarating ko lang minamadali mo na agad ako.” Sofia whimpered.

“Uhm, ano kasi mahuhuli na ako sa trabaho.” Dahilan ko.

“Okay, give me a few minutes.” Then she smiled at me.

And after a few minutes ay inabot na sa’kin ni Sofi ang kapeng sinabi ko.

“Thanks! Here,” pag-abot ko sa kan’ya ng bayad ngunit nagulat ako nang tanggihan n’ya ’yon. Umiiling pa ito habang may malawak na ngisi sa kan’yang labi.

I glared at her curiously then she shooked her head.

“Huh? Bakit?” Nakatingin s’ya sa aking likuran at may inginunguso. Napatingin ako sa likuran ko at nagugulat na pinagmasdan ang isang lalaking mukhang modelo.

He has the same height as Mr. Sullivan. He has this perfect adequate body, screams by his broad shoulder and fit arms, wearing a dark blue buttondown shirt. But what caught my attention was his green eyes. It was rare and very astonishing.

“He pays your order, Ria.” Bulong sa’kin ni Sofi mula sa likuran ko.

The man is boyishly smiling at me, magnificently.

“Ikaw ang nagbayad ng kapeng in-order ko?” I asked him.

“Yeah, I don’t want you to pay for it. A very gorgeous woman like you deserves a treat.” He said then manly wink at me.

“Nako hindi na, I can pay it. May pera naman ako. At isa pa hindi naman tayo magkakilala.” I explained.

His smile was contagious, I was smiling at him too.

“I’m Zion, you are miss?” He said then smoothly asked for my name.

I chuckled softly, “I’m Ria, thanks for the treat.” I introduced then showed him the coffee he paid for me

“I believe we are not strangers anymore?” He said in a large deep voice.

I bit my lower lips. Napapaisip. “Still, strangers.” Then I let a soft chuckle.

Nang maalala kong kailangan ko na nga palang magmadali ay agad na rin akong nagpaalam sa kaniya.

“It’s really nice to meet you, Zion. But I really have to go. Salamat dito! Sofi una na ako.” Paalam ko sa kan’ya at kay Sofi na nakapangalumbabang nakatitig kay Zion. This girl is having a crush!

“See you around then, Ria.” Zion glare was gleaming as he said that.

I just nod at nagtungo na ng opisina. Ito na ang pinaka malapit na cafe mula trabaho ko kaya naging mabilis lang ang pagdating ko.

I took a glance at my wrist and it’s past seven, nanlaki ang mata ko. I’ll be late if I came at eight in the morning.

Pumasok ako ng elevator at magkakasunod na pinindot ang top floor. Halos magtatakbo ako papasok ng office ni Mr. Sullivan. Habol ang hininga at pagod na napangiti nang tuluyan kong mabuksan ang pintuan at makita s’yang may binabasa sa kan’yang lamesa.

“Your thirty minutes is not quick enough to come over in time.” He muttered pero ang mga mata ay nanatili pa rin sa kan’yang binabasa.

“But at least I have your coffee, here,” I said then put the two cups of coffee in front of his table.

Dumapo ang tingin nito sa kapeng nasa harapan n’ya at saka nag-angat sa’kin ng tingin.

“Café Americano ang sa’kin, take the latter one.” Tanging aniya at binalik muli ang mata sa kan’yang binabasa.

Nag-aalangan man ay kinuha ko ang isang cup ng kape.

“Mrs. Alcantara will guide you in the office, papunta na rin s’ya ngayon. Ipapakita n’ya ang magiging opisina mo.” He then uttered.

“Huh? I-I mean, I thought the extra-large table there at the corner will be my office?” I hesitantly asked him while looking at the corner where it is placed, so stupid! I also forgot that Mr. Sullivan wasn’t the typical boss of having his secretary over his office nor outside his premises. He doesn’t want it! What kind of a work?! Of course, it’s his own office. This damn frigging grandiose room was only for him.

As if my dad has her secretary beside him in his office.

Namamangha naman ako nitong pinagmasdan. Hindi makapaniwala ang kan’yang naging reaksyon. Nanunuya at kabaliktaran niyon.

“Y-Yeah, ako na ang pupunta kay, Mrs. Alcantara. I’m going to my office and do my job.” Inunahan ko na s’yang magsalita at naglakad patungong pintuan.

Ngunit bumukas ito at pumasok ang dalawang lalaki. Gumilid pa ako dahil mukhang may mahalagang pag-uusapan sila ni, Mr. Sullivan. Pero gano’n nalang ang gulat ko nang makita si Zion.

Napatingin sa akin ang unang lalaking pumasok na hindi rin nalalayo sa kanila ang taas at tikas. And when Zion’s graze went on my way his face lit up.

“Zion?” Ani ko.

“Oh, hello there Ms. gorgeous.” Halatang nagulat din s’ya na makita akong nandito.

“Hey, what are you doing in here?” Nakangiti kong tanong at sinuri ang kan’yang pananamit. Nagtataka at namamangha siyang pagmasdan.

He’s still wearing his dark blue button-down shirt but it’s now covered by his black coat.

I felt Mr. Sullivan’s presence behind me.

“Rhaegar, you didn’t say that you have a gorgeous…secretary?” Zion asked him, hesitantly.

Tiningnan ko ang gawi ni Rhaegar at nakitang matalim lang ang mga mata niyang nakatunghay kay Zion.

“So you’re his new secretary? Nice seeing you. Call me Theron,” ani ng isa pa nilang kasama.

I smiled at him. “Ria, sir.” Tipid kong sabi.

Nagtataka pa rin akong nakatingin sa kanilang tatlo. Baka magkakaibigan ’tong mga ’to.

“You’re curious, Miss gorgeous–” Zion uttered.

“Ria, that’s her name, Zion.” Rhaegar cutted him off.

“Oh, well Ria then. We are cousins if that answers your curiosity.” Zion said then winked at me, like what he did earlier at the cafe.

I smiled at them.

“It is, Zion. By the way bye for now. Mr. Theron, Zion.” I farewell.

“Where are you going? Stay here for a while–” Zion was cut off for the second time.

“She has a job to do, Vittorio Zion Rockefeller.” Rhaegar Sullivan darted.

Napamaang si Zion at nawala ang mapaglarong ngiti sa mga labi. Nang bumaling ako sa gawi ni Theron ay nakita ko rin s’yang magseryoso ang ekspresyon.

Uh-oh… “I’ll leave,” patiuna ko at lumabas na.

Mukhang galit si Mr. Sullivan and even his cousins can’t stop him. I’m really amazed and happy to meet them. Hindi nagkakalayo ang kanilang mga pangangatawan but in complexion, Zion has fair skin just like Rhaegar while Theron’s complexion is sunkissed. Kan’ya kan’yang appeal rin.

Mrs. Alcantara toured me at the building and showed me my office. May kalakihan rin ito kumpara sa dati kong opisina. Inabot kami ng pananghalian sa pag-iikot at hindi pa buong building iyon. I haven’t eaten my lunch yet nang may nakita akong pagkain sa table ko pagkagaling kong bathroom. I was now staying in my office. Mamaya ay tutungo ako sa office ni Mr. Sullivan para ibigay ang mga matatapos kong trabaho ngayong araw dahil naumpisahan ko na rin naman.

My office was also huge but not as grand. It was great and nice for me. I feel comfortable at my workplace.

“Kanino ’to galing?” I asked myself at nakita ang iba’t ibang baunan na may lamang mga pagkain.

I shrugged and open it. Natakam ako sa amoy n’yon at parang ginugutom ako lalo.

Huminto lang ako sa ginagawa nang may kumatok sa pinto at binuksan iyon.

“Good afternoon, Ms. De Laughrey. Para sa inyo po yung food na nandyan sa table n’yo. Birthday po kasi ng head manager at nagpa-treat.” Ani ng lalaking nahihiyang nakatayo sa pintuan.

“Gano’n ba, salamat dito ah. Please send him my regards, tell him my happy birthday.” I said with a smile on my lips.

Nabusog ako n’yon at nang matapos ay inumpisahan na muli ang trabaho. Hindi naman sa nagrereklamo pero unang araw ko palang dito sa kumpanya ay tambak na ang mga gawain ko. Halos wala na ngang paglagyan ang aking table na punong puno nang mga dapat kong basahin at iapprove, I’m also having and continue receiving a flood of emails.

Hindi rin naman nag-text si Mr. Sullivan kung sakaling may kakailanganin s’ya, dahil kung meron ay mapapaakyat ako sa kaniyang opisina. Abala rin siguro sa trabaho n’ya.

Nang maghapon at marami pa ring hindi natatapos ay isinandal ko muna ang sarili sa upuan. I sighed, halos hindi man lang ako nangalahati. Mabuti na nga lang at walang set na meeting ngayong araw si Mr. Sullivan.

Maraming dumaang mga empleyado sa aking opisina, karamihan ay mga lalaki at nagsasabing uuwi na raw sila, ang iba’y nagtatanong kung anong oras ako uuwi dahil over time na nga ako.

And that’s what really happened. Alas siete na ng gabi ay nandito pa rin ako sa opisina. I already ate my dinner, ’yung sumobra kong pagkain kaninang tanghalian ang kinain ko dahil hindi ko rin naman naubos sa sobrang dami.

Nang mag-quarter to eight ay napagpasyahan kong ihatid ang mga natapos ko nang trabaho. Makakapal na papel ang buhat buhat ko papasok ng elevator patungong office ni Mr. Sullivan. Tahimik ang paligid pero buhay pa naman ang mga ilaw kaya maliwanag ang buong lugar.

Lumabas ako ng elevator at hindi pinansin ang katahimikan sa paligid. Madilim na ang gawing opisina ni Mr. Sullivan nang maglakad ako patungo sa gawing ’yon.

Nang makarating sa pintuan niyon ay napansin kong may siwang ito, naiwang bahagyang bukas ang pinto.

I was about to open the door para makauwi na dahil pagod na rin ako, when I heard something strange inside.

Madilim at sobrang tahimik ng paligid kaya ano ang ie-expect kong makita at marinig, I’ve never seen a ghost in my entire life so I feel scared if ever I see one in here. Nagsisitaasan ang aking mga balahibo at malakas ang kabog ng aking dibdib na sumilip sa maliit na siwang nang nakabukas na pinto.

My two eyes almost popped out at what I saw. The room was dark pero naaaninag ko pa rin kung ano ang nasa loob dahil may kaunting liwanag na nagmumula sa syudad para matanglawan ng bahagya ang loob ng opisina.

My mouth dropped open in shock. Mr. Sullivan… Rhaegar was dominantly kissing a woman leaning on his table. Their kisses were not the gentle type. It was very rugged and breathtaking. Naghahabulan ang kanilang mga labi sa tuwing maghihiwalay ang mga ito.

Mapaglaro ang kamay ng babae na ginugulo ang buhok ni Mr. Sullivan na unti unting gumapang at tinatanggal ang pagkabutones ng pang-itaas na damit nito at nang tuluyang hubarin ito ni Rhaegar ay bumaba ang kamay ng babae sa maselang parte ni Mr. Sullivan.

Oh God, my holy not virgin eyes. I’ve seen it when Tommen and Briana betrayed me but seeing it step by step, it’s excruciating whenever I think it was the two of them I’m watching right now.

Then I saw how Mr. Sullivan aggresively pushed the girl at his table. His hand caressing the mounds of the woman who’s looking out of her mind in so much pleasure she is having.

Mabilis na hinawi ng babae ang mga gamit sa lamesa dahilan para magsibagsakan ito sa sahig at lumikha ng malalakas na tunog.

Mr. Sullivan held his back and put her on the top of his table. I saw him throw something on the floor na nanggaling sa hita ng babae.

The woman at the top of his table kissing Rhaergar’s neck profusely. Her long legs separated, straddled his back at both sides of Mr. Sullivan. Wala ng kahit na anong saplot ang babae habang si Mr. Sullivan ay walang pang-itaas na damit.

His bare musceled back facing my way, and the two sets of dimples down his back were too dipped in the dark. The woman has blonde hair, making her look foreign but her facial features were dimmed in my vision.

I swallowed hard when the womans moaned filled the entire room as Mr. Sullivan roughedly enter and pushed himself inside her.

Nanlamig ang aking buong katawan at gusto ko nalang sana na umalis ng tahimik kaso ay aksidenteng nahulog ang mga papel sa aking kamay na lumikha ng mahinang tunog. Mas lalo akong kinabahan habang pinupulot ang halos limandaang mahigit na pahina ng papel na nahulog sa sahig.

Sobrang tahimik ng buong lugar kung kaya’t kahit na mahinang tunog lang ay maglilikha na ng ingay.

“What is that?” I heard Mr. Sullivan’s voice inside.

Hindi ko na nagawa pang silipin sila kung papunta na ba s’ya sa gawi ko para tingnan kung ano bang ingay ’yon na nilikha ko, dahil nagkukumahog na ako sa pagpulot ng mga papel.

“Ughh…Rhaegar why you stop? Keep on moving, I’m near.” It’s the womanly voice.

Nang masigurado kong napulot ko na lahat ng papel sa sahig ay nagmamadali na akong naglakad paalis.

Halos mabunutan ako ng tinik sa dibdib nang makasakay ako ng elevator. I can’t believe I stayed there. Gosh, they might see me if I stayed there a little bit longer. At wala akong balak na panuorin kung ano ba ang ginagawa nila.

I’m scared and curious at the same time when I heard a noise from his office so I took a glimpsed to check if what might is and in an instant I just accidentally saw them making out, having rough sex at his table.

Mariin akong napapikit, inaalis sa isipan ang nakita sa loob ng opisina n’ya. I go back to my office and settled there my finished works.

Habang nagpapatakbo ng sasakyan at nakatuon ang tingin sa kalsada pauwi sa condo ay hindi mawaglit sa aking paningin kung paano pangibabawan ni Mr. Sullivan ang babae. On how his strong veiny large arms held the woman roughedly and aggressively put himself inside.

I let a heavy sigh when I parked my car. Sumandal ako sa aking upuan habang ang kamay ay nananatiling nasa manibela kahit patay na ang makina ng aking sasakyan.

I shouldn’t be shocked by what I saw. Unang beses ko pa lang s’yang nakita sa cafe ay alam ko nang nagkakandarapa ang mga babae mapalugod lang s’ya nito. His serious and piercing glance at me when I met him for the second time after the turmoil happened in the bar, says how ruthless and dominant he was in everything.

Kaya hindi na dapat pa akong magulat at magtaka dahil normal lang ang mga ganitong gawain sa kanila. They have the face, the money, the body, they are smart and they have it all in one.

Pumasok ako ng condo ko na nanlalata dahil sa pagod sa maghapon. Ngayon ko lang muli naramdaman ang pagod ko dahil nawala ito dahil sa nakita ko.

But when I opened the door turned on the lights of my unit ay halos mahulog ang bibig ko sa sahig na makita si Tommen, nakaupo sa couch at seryosong nakatingin sa’kin.

“Anong ginagawa mo dito?” I asked him coldly, surprised by his presence.

Pumasok ako at sinara ang pinto. I open all the lights and he stood up when I neared from him.

Walang ekspresyon na mababakas sa mga mukha nito nang pinagmasdan ko s’ya.

“Paano ka nakapasok dito? You’re trespassing. Umalis ka na dito bago pa ako tumawag ng mga guards.” I didn’t expect my voice to be this humid.

All I can feel for him was hatred and betrayal. I loved him at ’yon ang mas lalong nagpapasakit sa nararamdaman ko ngayon. How could I love him, how could I love a man like him?

“Ria, don’t you love me anymore? You said you’ll do anything bumalik lang tayo ulit sa dati. Here I am, Ria. Let’s go back together.” Anito at humakbang papalapit sa akin mula sa kaniyang pagkakaupo sa couch.

“Anong pinagsasasabi mo, Tommen? Hindi ba’t ikaw ang sumira ng tiwala ko sayo? Ikaw yung sumira ng relasyon natin. At ikaw na rin ang tumapos sa kung ano mang namamagitan sa ating dalawa. And now you’re coming back to me like every broken piece of me will go back to its old same place.” I then chuckled without any humor in it. I cannot believe him!

Bakas ang pangungulila sa mga mata nito habang marahang nakatunghay sa akin.

“Ria please, forgive me. It’s my fault, but please give me another chance to prove myself to you. I promised I won’t make the same mistake. I promised to love you-”

I slapped his face, making him stop to say further words. Nanigas s’ya sa kan’yang kinatatayuan. His bloodshot eyes gaze on me.

“Same promises broke more than twice. Who would’ve believed you, Tommen? You made this to yourself, to us. Get out in my house and go back to Briana!” I exclaimed.

Papunta akong pintuan para sana pagbuksan s’ya ng pinto nang maramdaman kong hapitin n’ya ako mula sa likod. He hugged me, placing his face on my shoulder.

“Ria, I never meant what I said to you in my office. I really never fell out of love. I’m still into you, please believe me. And what happened at the bar, I was just so drunk because I can’t believe that we’re officially break up. Hindi ko kaya, Ria, please hon.” He said in so much plead.

Pinipigilan ko ang mga luha kong bumuhos dahil alam kong matagal na kaming tapos. Masakit man ay tinanggap ko na. Aanhin ko ang mga alaala naming dalawa mula sa matagal naming pagsasama kung hindi naman niya talaga ako minahal. He just only fooled me, and he is now fooling me again. I wasn’t blind anymore.

Nagpumiglas ako mula sa mga yakap n’ya kaso ay masyado s’yang malakas para hindi ako pakawalan.

“Bitiwan mo ako Tommen! Wala na tayo! Wala ng tayo! Do you hear me? We are done.” I burst into raged and pain.

“Kung hindi ka babalik sa akin then I won’t stop myself from doing this.” His calloused hand pulled me closer to him as he turned me to faced him.

Hinarap n’ya ako sa kan’ya. He then kissed me impetuously. I felt his tongue trying to enter my mouth. His lips were so harsh as they move like he’s in thirst. I shut my mouth hard, not kissing him back. He smells like alcohol. He’s drunk.

I tried to push him away but he’s gripping my body. Naging mabilis ang tambol ng aking puso sa takot at pangamba.

“T-Tommen stop!” I exclaimed, frightened.

I saw his bloodshot eyes dimmed and I shivered when he started kissing my neck, simping me down to my chest.

My tears were flowing down my cheeks. Tinulak n’ya ako sa sofa at mabilis ko s’yang sinipa dahilan para mapaatras siya.

I hurriedly run to the door but his hand immediately caught me.

“You’re not going anywhere, Ria.” He said evilly.

“No! Please no! Tommen stop! I beg you, please don’t do this to me! Please… No!” He started ripping my upper clothes. I am pushing and stopping him but I was too weak compared to him.

My eyes blurred in so many tears. Lips trembling and face damp. My knees quivered when he totally freed my upper body.

“Somebody help! Please help me…” I screamed in hope as the evil started to savor my skin.

Somebody, help me…

Kabanata 5

Kabanata 5

Call

“Akala mo matatapos nalang tayo nang gano’n kadali? No, Ria, hindi ako papayag na pakawalan ka. I’ll fuck you hard till I plant my seed inside you.” Tommen words were unknown. He was out of his mind. His eyes were not bloodshot anymore it was deep like he’s addicted to some kind of drugs.

Nakakatakot. All I can hear were my sobs and screamed that stopped by his hand, gripping my mouth. He was slowly kissing, smelling my neck. Napaigtad ako habang ang mga luha ay walang mintis sa pagtulo nang dilaan n’ya ako.

“Tommen please don’t do this! I-I thought you love me? Pakawalan mo ako! Huwag mo sa aking gawin ito!” I exclaimed but my words were vague dahil sa kamay n’yang mahigpit na nakatakip sa aking bibig.

“Don’t move, Ria. Stay still,” nakangiti at parang nababaliw na nitong sabi.

“Hindi ba’t walang pumipili sa’yo? You said to me that I am the only one who chose you, so here I am Ria. Choosing you and will pleasure you, hon.”

There was a loud bang as the door opened. Mabilis na napatingin si Tommen do’n.

“Who the fuck is that?” He asked breathily.

Taas baba ang alon ng aking dibdib na walang saplot nang binitiwan ni Tommen ang aking bibig.

“Tulong! Plea-” sigaw ko ngunit mabilis n’yang tinakpan ang aking bibig.

“Damn it! Quiet woman!” He said stopping me. Nabakas ko sa kan’ya ang pagiging balisa.

Nananatili pa ring nakatingin s’ya sa pinagmulan ng malakas na tunog. Kinuha ko ’yong pagkakataon para tuhurin ko s’ya sa kan’yang pagkalalaki dahilan para mapasigaw s’ya sa sakit at bitiwan ang aking bibig.

“Ahh! Fuck it!” He groaned in pain.

I pushed him with all my strength and get my blanket to cover my upper body as I run out of my room.

Nang makalabas ako ng kwarto ko ay napahinto ako sa lalaking nakatayo sa harapan ko ngayon.

He was standing there, eyes darkly, and jaw moving.

“M-Mr. Sullivan.” Ang madilim at nagtatangis nitong bagang ay hindi nakatakas sa aking pangingin.

Bumukas ang pinto ng aking kwarto at agad akong napatingin don.

“Bumalik ka rito Ria!” Tommen voice thundered from my room.

Napatingin ako kay Mr. Sullivan at naluluha ang aking mga matang tumakbo patungo sa kan’ya.

Sumubsob ang aking mukha sa kan’yang dibdib at humahangos akong lumuluha habang mahigpit n’ya akong hinapit sa likod at niyakap.

“P-Please help me…” Takot na takot kong paghingi ng saklolo sa kan’ya.

“Sino s’ya? Huh! ’Yan ba ’yong lalaki mo sa shop nung gabing ’yon?” Tommen asked me in anger.

Binitiwan ako ni Mr. Sullivan at ipinwesto ako sa kan’yang likuran.

Galit na galit ang mga mata ni Tommen na nakatunghay sa akin.

“Brad, umalis ka na rito kung ayaw mo ng gulo. It’s between my girlfriend and me. You’re out of here. Kaya kung ako sa’yo umalis ka na.” Tommen’s voice threatened Mr. Sullivan.

He didn’t spoke and when I saw how pissed Tommen is, napaatras ako ng suntukin n’ya si Mr. Sullivan na hindi man lang n’ya naabutan nang umiwas ito.

I run towards the table near the couch to reach my telephone. I need to call the police.

Nanginginig at nanlalamig ang aking dalawang kamay habang pinipindot ang numero.

“Ahh! You are an idiot! I’ll kill you!” Nakita kong sigaw ni Tommen na nakahandusay na sa sahig na dahan dahang gumapang at kumapit sa sofa para kumapit at tumayong muli.

They have the same body built at hindi rin nagkakalayo ang kanilang taas. Naging alerto ako sa telepono nang may sumagot na sa tawag ko.

“H-Hello, I-I need h-help. there’s a man here in my condo unit, he-he’s out of his mind. I need you to come over here as soon as possible. Please, we need help.” I said on the telephone when the police answered my call.

“Okay, we’re tracking your location. We’re going.” Anito at nangangatog ang aking kamay na ibinaba ang telepono. At mas lalong nangatog ang aking mga binti at kalamnan nang makitang may patalim na hawak si Tommen nang balingan ko ang gawi nilang dalawa.

He was attempting to stab Rhaegar. I screamed as Mr. Sullivan tried to avoid his hand with a knife.

“Tommen pakiusap tumigil ka na!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. Shivered and frightened to what he is doing right now.

Matalim ang mga matang tumapon ang paningin nito sa’kin. “I said I won’t stop. No one will stop me, you hear me, Ria? No one will stop me–” malakas na sapak ng kamao ni Mr. Sullivan ang nagpatahimik sa kan’ya.

Nasapo ko ang aking bibig at nanghihinang tiningnan siyang humandusay sa sahig. Naglipat ang tingin ko kay Rhaegar na ngayon ay habol ang kaniyang hininga.

He glances at me then approached me with his dark glares. Ang mga mata niya ay sinuyod ang katawan ko. Nanginginig akong nag-angat sa kaniya ng tingin nang tuluyan siyang makalapit sa aking harapan.

His jaw moved. His dark eyes drifted on my body.

He removed his coat and put it on my back.

“S-Salamat,” I stuttered, still scared of what is just happened.

Seryoso lang siyang nakatitig sa akin ng may talim at riin doon.

Kalaunan ay dumating na rin ang mga pulis na sunod sunod na pumasok sa loob ng condo unit ko. Dinampot nila si Tommen na nagkukumawala sa pagposas sa kan’ya nang magising ito.

Nakakunot ang aking noo at habol pa rin ang hininga. Mabilis at malakas pa rin ang tahip ng aking dibdib dahil sa nangyari. Hindi ko na nagawang pagmasdan ang mukha ni Tommen habang tinatangay ito ng mga pulis palabas ng pintuan ng unit ko.

Some of the police approached me to give some statement and tell them what happened. I was crying as I tell them how he forcefully kissed and make dirt on me, of my body. I just can’t stop crying.

Mr. Sullivan was also busy talking to the police when I took a glance at him.

“Where’s Ria? Ria? Oh my god!” Nakita ko si Sofi na nagmamadaling tumakbo sa gawi ko nang matagpuan ako nang mapaghanap nitong mga mata.

Mahigpit ako nitong niyakap nang makalapit s’ya sa’kin. My shoulders were shaking as I cried in her arms.

“A-Are you okay, Ri? I-I’m sorry, hush, I’m here. I’m just here.” She comforted me while she cries at me too.

S’ya lang ang taong una at huling tao na alam kong mag-aalala sa’kin. My family never cares for me. My dad was still in the hospital and I can’t even visit him. Silang dalawa lang ni Sofi ang alam kong may pakialam para sa akin. But now he’s gone for a while from me. He was far from me to heal himself.

Wala na akong ibang alam na tao na pwedeng magkaroon ng ganitong klase ng pag-aalala. Even how much I wished at the starts to have someone hindi ko na rin gagawin. These people were enough for me. Hindi ko na kailangan ng taong magkakaroon ng paki sa’kin at iiwan lang din ako sa huli because I learned from it.

Few people, few true people I know who will never leave me, that is all enough for me.

“You can stay at my house, Ria if you want. Nag-aalala pa rin ako sa’yo.” Mahigpit na nakahawak sa kamay ko si Sofi habang sinasabi ’yon.

We’re still sitting here on the sofa, nakaalis na rin ang mga pulis at si Tommen.

“Thanks but I can stay here in my condo–” she cut me off.

“No, Ria! I won’t let you! Pa’no Kung bumalik ulit yung Tommen na ’yon? I’m worried. Sa bahay ko na muna ikaw ngayon. Please,” she insisted.

“But he’s in jail, Sofi,” I assured her. At ayaw ko ring tumira sa kanila dahil alam kong malalaman ’yon nila Tita Vera at kakausapin ang mga magulang n’ya. I won’t like that idea. Ayokong mag-away silang muli ng mga magulang n’ya dahil sa’kin.

“We never know, Ria. Yung pinto mo, sira rin. You can’t be safe here anymore. Kung hindi pa ako pumunta dito ay hindi ko malalaman na may masama na palang nangyari sa iyo.” She urged more just to make me agree to stay with her.

Pagod lang akong ngumiti sa kan’ya. “I’m good Sofi, trust me. I can stay here.”

“I’m really sorry for the latch of your security, Ria.” Nagugulat akong makita si Zion sa harap ko, nasa likod n’ya si Mr. Sullivan na hindi pa rin pala nakakaalis.

So he’s the cousin he’s pertaining the owner of this whole condominium.

“Hindi ko alam na ikaw pala ang nakatira rito ngayon. Your grandma used to stay here for a while before. Ikaw pala ang apong tinutukoy n’yang titira dito.” Zion added.

“Yeah,” tangi kong sagot sa pagod na tono.

Nanghihina at pagod na rin ako. Wala na akong lakas para magsalita pa at kumilos. I feel exhausted. Hinapit ko ang black coat ni Rhaegar sa aking katawan ng makaramdam ako ng panlalamig.

“I’m sorry again, we’ll fix all the doors of your unit, and rest assured of your security for tonight and to the next days. I know you’re tired you can rest.” Anito sa akin at seryoso lang din ang mga matang nakatunghay sa akin.

Napasandal ako sa sofa nang maramdamang nanlalabo ang aking paningin at sumasakit ang aking ulo. I didn’t know that I fell fainted. All I know was Sofi is on my side.

But when I opened my eyes and felt like I’m in the air ay nakita ko ang seryosong hitsura ni Rhaegar. He was seriously carrying me towards my room.

Tanging sulyap lang ang nagawa ko at tuluyan na muling bumagsak ang talukap ng aking mga mata.

Nang magising ako kinabukasan ay nakaramdam ako ng pananakit ng katawan. Marahan akong bumangon at naupo sa aking kama. I’m now wearing my pajama and a pair of satin sleepwear. Must be Sofi who put me in clothes last night.

Tumayo ako at tinungo ang bathroom. I washed myself thoroughly when I remember what just happened to me last night. I feel like I’m on dirt even I already clean my body several times.

Hindi ko akalaing aabot sa puntong magagawa sa akin ni Tommen iyon. He showed me his respect all this year and in just a glimpse, it was all faded and tint with dark. He was lost his sanity and I know that if Rhaegar didn’t come to help me, he possibly ruined me. He possibly put dirt on my dignity and purity. He’s an evil and I can never forgive him, a man like him should be rotten in jail.

I stayed for almost an hour in the bathroom before I decided to go out. After I took my bath I wear my office attire. Lumabas ako ng aking kwarto bitbit ang aking bag. Papasok ako sa trabaho. That is what my mind scheduled for this day. I want to forget about what happened last night and staying here won’t help me.

Nang magtungo ako ng dining area para uminom ng tubig dahil natutuyuan na ang aking lalamunan ay nahagip ng aking dalawang mata ang isang baunan. Nakita kong may laman itong breakfast at may coffee rin sa tabi nito mula sa cafe ni Sofi.

Nang ilibot ko ang aking mata sa loob ng bahay ay ako lang mag-isa. Baka dito rin natulog si Sofi kagabi at maaga lang na umalis para sa trabaho.

I ate my breakfast to regain my strength. Nanghihina pa rin ako dahil sa nangyari kagabi ngunit kung magpapahinga lang ako rito sa bahay maghapon ay matatambakan lalo ang aking trabaho sa opisina.

Bago ako umalis ng condo ay may dumating na rin na mga tauhan na magkukumpuni ng mga seradura ng pintuan ko.

When I was in the basement walked through the parking lot, ready to get inside of my car I received a message on my phone. I get it inside my bag when I felt it vibrated.

From Rhaegar:

Rest for today. You’re on leave.

Mr. Sullivan… I haven’t thanked him for last night, dahil kung hindi sa kan’ya ay napahamak na ako and also Zion, he came there to check on me and the state of my condo unit.

Mas lalong lumakas ang loob ko na pumasok ngayong araw nang maalala ko ang ginawa niya para sa akin kagabi, kesa naman mamahinga nalang ako dito sa unit ko maghapon.

“Ang kapal din naman talaga ng mukha mo, no?”

Napaangat ako ng tingin mula sa aking cellphone na ipinasok ko sa loob ng bag at tumunghay sa pinagmulan ng boses na ’yon. I was a bit surprised to see Briana standing in front of my car. Looked fuming mad as her irritating glance met me.

I ignore her presence and pretend that I didn’t hear her.

“After Tommen break up with you ikaw pa itong malakas ang loob na magsampa ng kaso? What is that again? You’re accusing him an attempted rape and many more! Gano’n ba kasama ’yang loob mo because he chose me over you?” She emphasized her word as she walked to get near me.

Nagulat ako sa sinabi n’ya dahil ang alam ko lang naman ay sinampahan ko s’ya ng kaso dahil sa ginawa n’ya sa’kin kagabi. But in furthermore, hindi ko alam na may iba pang isinampang kaso sa kanya. And to be in fact, he deserves it!

“Don’t you dare play like you are on a live act, Ria.” She said, fussily.

“I had maybe been bitter when I both saw you two, making out but I will never make this thing up to something enormous if Tommen just let me go and stop being an asshole. He made this all by himself. He caused it to himself to be in this trouble. He deserves it.” I dauntlessly said.

“You can’t win this. You really expect that you have support from my Mom and Grandpa when you’re on a court? This is a pity. If I were you, iaatras ko nalang ang kaso.” She muttered.

“I’m not expecting anything from Lolo especially your Mom. Rape is rape, Briana. And it will never change the fact that he forcefully attempted to do it to me. You never know how it feels like dahil hindi ikaw ang nasa posisyon ko.” I whined at her.

She crossed her arms and arched her brow. Looked pissed but pretending she still manage it.

“Oh really? I assume you like what happened. Hindi ba’t you’re ready to forget what happened just to make up with him? You must be enjoying it last night.” She smiled evilly at me.

Kanina pa ako nagtitimpi at ’yon pa rin ang gagawin ko. I never want to hit her. It’s not my thing, kahit kailan ay hindi ko s’ya nagawang patulan kahit galit na galit na ako.

“Whatever you say, Briana. Hindi ko iaatras ang kaso. Mabulok s’ya sa kulungan at pagdusahan ang ginawa n’ya.” I remarked then went inside my car.

Sinubukan pa akong habulin nito ngunit naisara ko na ang pinto ng sasakyan ko.

Pinaandar ko ang makina at nakita ko kung paanong mangalit ang kan’yang mukha sa sobrang pagkamuhi sa akin. So she really liked Tommen, I thought she’s just playing around with him.

I saw her mouthed something but I didn’t hear her inside. I rolled my eyes then drove past her.

When I reached the building of the Sullivan, I parked my car in the basement at mabilis na rin akong lumabas ng sasakyan at umakyat patungong floor ko.

Late na rin akong dumating, pasado alas nuebe na ng umaga. Ang ilang mga kasamahan ko sa trabaho ay napapatingin sa akin para batiin ng magandang umaga.

“Good morning, Ms. Ria!” The janitor greeted me nang papasok na ako ng elevator.

“Good morning,” magiliw kong bati pabalik.

I know that what happened to me last night can affect me but I won’t let it. As long as I can, I will try to remove it from my head.

I went to my office at napansin ng iba ang pagdating ko at may nagtatakang tingin sa kanilang mga mata. Tipid na ngiti nalang ang ibinigay ko sa kanila atsaka tumuloy na ng opisina ko.

I put my bag on my table and sat on the swivel chair. Napakurap kurap ako nang mapansing parang may naiba sa table ko.

I shifted on my seat at napaisip kung ano ba ang naiba rito.

My paper works! Nawala ang mga nagkakapalang bond papers at folders na kahapon lang ay nagtataasan sa lamesa ko. But now there’s nothing. Napaisip ako kung may ipapadala na naman ba si Mr. Sullivan sa akin na tatrabahuin nang maalala kong nasa leave nga pala ako ngayon.

Nasapo ko ang aking noo. Nang makaisip nang gagawin ay humarap ako sa computer at binuhay ’yon. I checked my emails if there’s a pending or new emailed works na kailangan kong gawin but when I look at it ay wala rin.

Bumuntong-hininga ako atsaka sumandal sa aking upuan. Anong gagawin ko dito kung gano’n? Napabangon ako sa kinauupuan ko nang maalala ang schedule ni Mr. Sullivan sa araw na ito.

I had made his schedule since the last day. I get my notebook to see his meetings for today and he has only two lined up board meetings. I stood up on my sit and decided to go and see him.

Habang naglalakad patungo sa kan’yang opisina nang makalabas ng elevator ay biglang may ala-alang bumalik sa akin. I bit my lower lips as I held the door.

It’s also happened last night. I remember that he’s making miracles inside his office and I clearly remembered how his body clenched his every muscle as he straddles her.

Napalunok ako at umiling, inaalis ’yon sa aking isipan. I shouldn’t think of it. But how come he came into my unit last night? Does he notice that it was me who make noise outside his office kaya niya ako pinuntahan? I winced then open the door to went inside.

Nagulat pa ako nang saktong pagpasok ko ay nakita kong may kahalikan si, Mr. Sullivan. But he stopped and pulled himself from that kiss. Hindi ko alam kung ilang minuto na nilang ginagawa ito pero ang tanging alam ko ay hindi ginusto ni Mr. Sullivan ’yon.

His serious scowl glare was on her. He was looking at the woman flatly. I remain on my place watching them.

Lumayo si Mr. Sullivan ngunit masyadong malagkit ang babae para humiwalay. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang mapagtantong blonde ang hair color nito.

She’s the girl he’s with last night! I can’t be wrong. Mas napatunayan ko pa ’yon nang mag-iwas s’ya ng tingin kay Mr. Sullivan. She looked irritated.

“Yna, we’re done. You can go now.” Mr. Sullivan’s voice was ruthless and cold as he always seems to be.

“Rhaegar we can do it over and over again without any assurance. I bet you liked what we did last night so I am too. So why pushing me away now?” The woman asked, her voice vivid.

“I don’t take anything seriously. I assume you did also.” Mr. Sullivan heartlessly uttered at tinalikuran s’ya nito.

I saw how woman hands rolled in a fist.

“Bakit pa nga ba ako umaasa? You’re still the same. After you get what you want, iiwan mo na rin at itatapon na parang isang basura. Pagkatapos gamitin ay itatapon nalang dahil marami ka pa namang bago. Fine, damn you, Rhaegar Kaywin Sullivan!” The woman raged at him at mabigat ang naging mga hakbang na naglakad palayo sa kaniya.

Mr. Sullivan remained stoic watching the city. He really never minds if the woman is mad at her or not.

Pigil hininga ako nang magulat ang babaeng makita ako na nakatayo sa pintuan. Ani mong hindi inaasahan ang presensya ko dito kanina pa.

“Who are you?” The woman with blonde hair asked me hostily.

“Good morning, Ma’am–”

“You must be her new whore. What are you? An artist, model, a senator’s daughter, or the heiress of a big damn company? Well, you looked like an heiress, good luck to you then, he’s not a good catch like what you’re seeing now.” She said then flipped her hair as she went out of this room.

Nagulat ako ron sa sinabi ng babae. She’s very pretty and I can’t believe that Mr. Sullivan just played her around.

I didn’t know that he’s like that. He helped me last night and I only want to thank him. Does it really his intention on me kaya n’ya ko hinayaang magtrabaho sa kumpanya n’ya kahit alam pa n’yang isa akong De Laughrey? But he can’t win anything from me.

Pero bakit nang pumunta dito sila Lolo ay hindi s’ya pumayag na magpakasal kung gusto n’ya pala ng benipisyo para sa kumpanya n’ya? It’s a win-win decision. Rich families like them are not new to this kind of fixed marriage.

Nang mag-angat ako ng tingin ay nakaharap na sa aking gawi si Mr. Sullivan. He looked surprised to see my presence here. His lips parted like he’s really not expecting me to be here today.

Pagod ang mga mata kong nag-iwas ng tingin sa kaniya at naglakad palabas ng kan’yang opisina.

I am grateful to be hired in this company but if that’s what he really planned for me to be…his whore, I can’t be. He can find someone else to be.

After what happened to me last night, ito ang malalaman ko? I can’t believe him.

Pumasok ako ng elevator at pinindot ang ground floor. I have nothing to do here. I’m on leave at ako lang rin naman ang may gustong pumasok ngayon.

Umalis ako at napagpasyahang tumungo nalamang ng hospital para dumalaw kay Dad. Ilang araw na rin nang huli kaming magkita. I missed him so much.

Tanghali na nang dumating ako ng hospital. Malayo rin kasi ito sa lugar na pinagtatrabahuan ko.

I went on his designated room number. It was on the tenth floor. Pagkabukas ko ng pintuan ng kan’yang kwarto ay wala ng tao ron. The room was neat and very clean. The bedsheet was properly new changed and also the pillowcase. There is no one here inside na mabilis kong ipinagtaka.

Where’s dad? I asked myself in my mind. Nagmadali akong lumabas ng kwarto at pumasok ng elevator.

I get my phone inside my bag and hurriedly dial my sister Everleigh’s number. It keeps on ringing while I can’t stay still. Hindi ako mapakali habang nasa loob ng elevator pababa ng ground floor.

I called her again when no one is answering.

“Please, pick up the phone Leigh. Pick up, come on.” Nangangatal na ako at nagmamadaling tinungo ang front desk.

Binaba ko muna ang cellphone ko para magtanong. “Nurse, can I ask for your patients’ list on the third floor? I just need it,” I said.

“Ano po bang pangalan ng hinahanap nila, Miss?” Anito.

“His name is Brayden De Laughrey, he was confined on the tenth floor but when I got there on his room ay wala na po ron ang Dad ko. Baka po nilipat siya ng ibang kwarto, pakicheck naman.” I explained, kinakabahan na.

She checked her chart at the front desk. And when she seems found it, she glances at me.

“Are you her daughter?” She asked na mabilis kong sinagot ng sunod sunod na pagtango.

“Yes,”

“The patient in room 204 got released yesterday. He’s actually going to trasfer but the list says it’s confidential, miss.” The nurse said.

“What? Ho-How is that happen? He was undergone by therapy and–” I stopped when I realized what I just said.

No…no-no-no. Nagmamadali kong tinakbo ang labas ng hospital patungong parking lot at pumasok ng sasakyan ko.

If he ever goes abroad for the treatment they should even tell me about it! I’m also his daughter!

I drove fast as I held my phone for a call. I’m still calling Leigh cuz she’s the only one I know that can tell me if where’s dad now.

After several calls, she answered it.

“H-Hello ate?”

“Where’s dad? Where is dad, Leigh? I just got out of the hospital and he wasn’t there. Where is he, Leigh?” Diretsa kong tanong sa kanya at hindi na mapakali.

I sound like I was in a hurry because I’m frigging panicking right now!

“A-Ate…” Leigh’s voice subsides.

“Leigh tell me where they bring him. Please, Leigh…” I said with trembling lips.

I stopped and parked my car at the side of the street when I felt my eyes stung by water.

“Leigh, tell me where dad is. Please, I missed him…so so much. Nasaan si Dad?” My tears can’t intercept in so much heavy it was going to fall.

“Ate I-I’m sorry, he’s on his way abroad. Mom didn’t let me update you about dad’s health. Kahapon pa sila nakaalis, they are heading to the US. I’m sorry ate, I didn’t tell you.” Her voice was shaky.

I ended the call. Doon na tuluyang tumulo ang mga luha ko.

I missed dad. I want to hug and kiss him. I need his embrace that strengthens me each day. But he wasn’t here now. I haven’t even say my goodbye to him before he left.

I have so much to tell him. I needed him but he needs this more now. He needs to take care of his health. Pero sana naman ay sinabihan ako nila Tita Vera at Lolo tungkol sa plano nilang ito.

I promise to myself that when I know where you’re located, I’ll come to find and visit you there. Magpagaling ka Dad, I love you, so much.

I wiped my tears when I heard my phone ringing. Kinuha ko ito habang tinutuyo ang aking mga luha.

I answered the call without reading if who’s calling me.

“H-Hello?” I answered a bit stuttered when I felt my throat dried. I gulped.

Tahimik ang kabilang linya kaya tiningnan ko kung sino ba ’tong tumatawag.

It’s Mr. Sullivan…

Ibinalik ko muli sa aking tainga ang cellphone.

“Where you are now?” His deep husky voice said.

I didn’t speak. Inilibot ko ang paningin sa labas ng sasakyan. I’m at the side of the street.

Narinig ko pang mahinang bumuntong hininga s’ya sa kabilang linya.

“Go to my office now.”

Kabanata 6

Kabanata 6

Dictate

My heart fluttered as I listen to his voice over the phone.

Pinaandar ko ang aking sasakyan at tinungo any opisina. Bakit naman kaya niya kaya ako pinatawag? I thought I was on leave but then he’s calling me to come over to his office.

Baka naman may importanteng trabaho na kailangang ako ang gumawa. But I wonder if how it will happen, dahil ang mga natira kong gawain kahapon sa lamesa sa loob ng opisina ko ay nawala.

How is that possible he called me to come over? For goodness sake, you are his secretary, Ria so why not, right?

Pagkababa ko sa basement ay pumasok na ako sa elevator para tunguhin ang top floor. Bahagya pa akong nanlamig dahil biglaan ang naging pagtawag niya sa akin.

I went out of the elevator and walked towards his office immediately. I freshened up sa kotse kanina bago ako bumaba ng sasakyan dahil sa pag-iyak ko kanina. I still can’t get over that Tita Vera and Lolo didn’t say anything to me about Dads’ transfer abroad. They should tell me, I’m still her daughter, I cared for him first and foremost. They should have informed me.

Pagkapasok ko sa opisina niya ay naabutan ko siyang nakatingin sa hawak niyang ballpen. He was patting it on his desk, making noise inside his very silent office.

Nag-angat ito ng tingin sa akin nang mapansing pumasok ako. He shifted from his seat and removed his face from his left hand overlapping.

“Mr. Sullivan, what is it you want us to talk about?” diretsa kong tanong at naglakad diretso sa harapan ng kaniyang lamesa.

He licked his lower lip as his serious eyes bore in me.

“Take a seat, Ms. De Laughrey.”

I obliged and sat comfortably in front of his table.

Nang makaupo ako at hindi siya nagsalita at napansin kong nakatitig lang ito sa akin ay nakaramdam ako ng pagkailang. Kanina ay halos kabahan ako kung bakit niya ba ako biglaang pinatawag ngunit ngayon ay nakampante naman ako dahil mukhang hindi naman iyon ganoong kalubha.

I looked down at my fingers resting on my lap and plan to say something dahil mukhang wala pa itong balak na magsalita ng kahit na ano.

“Uhm, thanks about last night. I-I’m relieved when I saw you there. You saved me for the second time, thank you.” I said as I took a glance at him.

He’s just staring at me darkly, like his usual stare. But I didn’t back out of glaring back at him. I smiled at him to make him feel that I’m really is thankful.

“Who’s that guy? Siya ba yung nasa coffee shop that night with the woman who poured water on your head?”

I nodded slowly when I remembered that night with him. Hindi ko pa pala nasasauli yung coat niya! Dalawa ng coat niya ang nasa akin.

“Oo,” tanging sagot ko ngunit ang kaniyang mga mata ay mapag-usisang natatitig sa akin at mukhang kilangan pa ng mas malalim na paliwanag.

“Uhm, he’s my ex-boyfriend. We lasted for almost a year.” I bitterly said, remembering my past with Tommen. “Until I saw him in his office with my sister. He said that he loves her and he didn’t really love me. That I-I’m trash, that there’s really nothing special to me.” I chuckled a bit when I noticed that I talked much about it.

His dark glare earlier was gone but even darkened more.

“Kung ganoon pala, what he is doing inside your unit?” Nagbaba siya ng tingin sa kaniyang kamay na nakapatong sa ibabaw ng lamesa matapos niya iyong sabihin.

I bit my lower lips before I continue to utter.

“I don’t know. Nagulat nalang ako pagkabukas ko ng pintuan ng unit ko ay nasa loob na siya ng bahay ko.”

“How does he know you are living there?”

“W-We used to spent our time there before. Kaya baka naisipan niyang doon ako nag-stay.”

“But he says that he didn’t love you, right?” He asked then put his both hand on his table, leaning a bit, getting more near.

“Oo, but last night, he says that he’s still into me. That he didn’t mean everything he said. But–” he cutted me off.

“You believe him?” His deep large voice said.

“No! Syempre hindi. Ilang beses na niya akong sinaktan at ilang beses na rin akong nagpatawad. I’m done with him. We’re done even he asked me for another chance, it’s not meant for him to have it.”

Nagtaas siya ng kilay at ang mga labi ay nagparte. I feel awkward pagkatapos kong sabihin ’yon dahil nananatili pa rin siyang nakatitig sa akin.

I didn’t intrigue if why he asked me that, baka dahil na rin sa nangyari kagabi. He’s curious and he’s there kaya gusto niyang malaman kung bakit nandoon si Tommen. But why is he there also in my unit?

Napaangat ako ng tingin sa kaniya ng maisip iyon.

“Ano nga palang ginagawa mo sa unit ko?” I straight forward him dahil kanina ko pa rin iyon iniisip.

Nakita kong dumilim ang tingin nito sa akin. His lips were in thin line before he spoke.

“Napadaan lang ako sa unit mo and then I heard someone screaming so I knew there is someone inside who needs help. I didn’t know that it was your unit, I didn’t know that it was you who’s screaming for help.” His voice was very deep and feels like he’s always in rage but it’s normal to him.

Tumaas ang aking dalawang kilay, animong namamangha at nasagot na rin ang aking tanong. Dahil akala ko ay nandon siya para kausapin ako tungkol sa nakita ko sa kaniyang opisina nang gavi ring iyon. Hindi man niya ako nakita ay alam kong pagsususpetyahan niya ako.

“I am lucky then na napadaan ka sa condi unit ko,” I uttered out loud. Namilog ang aking dalawang mata nang maisatinig iyon dahil sa isip ko lang dapat iyon.

His brows furrowed, I panicked. Until he only raised his one brows like he is being suplado.

“Speaking of napadaan… did you come here to my office last night?” His eyes narrowed on me when he said that in a menacing tone.

My mouth dropped open, eyes widened, I glared at him. I blinked several times and bit my lips harshly. I’m dead. For sure he surely recognized that it was me. Did I leave any paper on the floor last night? Sa pagkakatanda ko ay napulot ko naman ang lahat at walang naiwan ni isa ron, kaya imposibleng masabi niya na ako iyon.

Nangapa ako ng isasagot sa kaniya. And when my eyes dropped on this huge table between us, he and that woman last night flashed in my mind. All these things scattered on the floor but now it was in its perfect place like it never been touched.

“No!” Napalakas kong sabi at nang makabawi ako ay muli akong nagsalita. “I-I mean, maaga akong nag out yesterday. Ikaw ba? Hindi ka ba maagang umuwi? You overtime? Why do you think did I go to your office?” Sunod sunod kong tanong maitanggi ko lang na hindi ako ang tinutukoy niyang nagtungo sa opisina niya kagabi.

His brows raised more, eyes darkened than it’s usual, like he was caught me in the act. I gulped hard and looked away.

“I overtime last night kaya nga ako napadaan sa condo unit mo hindi ba?” He hinted.

“Ahh, kaya pala,” tangi kong naiusal.

Nang mag-angat muli ako ng tingin sa kaniya ay sumandal ito sa kaniyang upuan at mariin pa rin ang paraan ng pagtingin sa akin. Ang supladong boss.

Ah, aalis na ba ako? He seems to shut his mouth and stared at me.

Nang makita kong kuhanin nito ang telecom ay tahimik ko lang siyang pinapanood. His large hand-manipulated it as his veins protruded in his arms. Ngayon ko lang napansin na tanging puting long sleeves lang nito ang kaniyang suot na nakatupi hanggang siko niya. Nasa rock nito ang kaniyang black suit nang matanaw ko iyon malapit sa lamesa.

“Pakiakyat na dito ang pagkain. I’m starving, yes, two sets of meals, please. Thank you.”

Tumayo na ako para magpalaam dahil hindi ko na rin pala namalayang inabot na ako ng pananghalian dito sa opisina niya. And I assume that he expects a client to eat lunch with him this afternoon.

“Mauuna na po ako–”

“You are staying. You will eat lunch together with me. You’re not eating anything yet, and you’re exhausted from what happened yesterday. Sit.” He demanded.

“But Mr. Sullivan, you can eat lunch alone, I assume you have a business meeting-” he cut me off for the second time.

“Sit…down,” he said, emphasizing it demandingly.

Napangiwi ako nang pagtaasan nanaman niya ako ng kilay. So I obliged. I slowly go down and sat on my chair again.

Nanatili kaming tahimik. Hindi ako nag-angat sa kaniya ng tingin ngunit ramdam ko naman ang kaniyang paninitig sa akin. Ilang sandali pa ay may kumatok na sa pintuan. I stood up at nakita ko ang biglaang pagkagulat ni Mr. Sullivan nang tumayo ako.

“Titingnan ko kung sino,” Ani ko at mukhang nakalma naman s’ya.

“It must be the foods, go on.” He said then rise from his seat.

Ako naman ay tinungo ang pinto at pinagbukasan iyon. It was the food that he ordered. The man was placing the two plates and the other utensils on his dining table now. There is also juice and water beside our plates.

“Thank you,” I said to the man who looked at me and smiled politely. Natigilan lang siya ng tumikhim si Mr. Sullivan kaya nagmadali na rin ito sa paglabas ng opisina nang matapos na ang gawain nito.

“You are really the terrible boss I have ever met,” I said as I sat down on my chair.

Nakita kong matigilan siya sa pag-upo matapos kong sabihin iyon.

I think I must get used to him. Nag-iba lang naman ang treatment ko sa kaniya nang malaman kong siya si Mr. Sullivan na magiging boss ko sa ina-aplayang kumpanya. Of course, I need to be polite and have respect for him unlike our previous encounter before na masyado akong naging reckless and very unpleasant to him.

Nanlliliit ang mga mata nitong nakatingin sa akin habang nananatiling nakatayo.

“And you’re the most ungrateful person I’ve ever met.” He hissed then sat on his chair. He’s just almost beside me, sitting.

I pursed my lips. That’s isn’t true. I’m always grateful but if you were in my shoes right now, you’ll learn and appreciate little and a few important things. But I get what he is spatting out, that I wasn’t thankful for him helping me out to Tommen and Briana the other night.

Mukhang napansin nito na natahimik ako.

“You started it first, don’t make dramas. I don’t like it.” His words weren’t nice but his voice sounds a bit worried, he spoke that way for the very first time! Sa sobrang suplado, sungit at seryoso n’yang tao ay ngayon ko lang narinig ang boses niya ng ganiyan.

I smiled a bit then shook my head. He annoyedly rolled his eyes from me then started eating.

Hindi ko alam kung tama ba itong ginagawa ko na kumakain ako kasama siya. I don’t think it’s good for me to be with him. I mean he’s a serious type of man but at the same time he’s ruthless and a beast in paradise.

Napatingin pa ako sa kan’ya ng makitang wala ng lamang tubig ang baso niya. I get the pitcher and poured his glass of water. I noticed his glare but I just ignore him.

“Thanks,”

Tipid ko lang siyang nginitian at saka ako umayos ng upo. Nagugulat akong napatingin sa kaniya nang makitang hawak niya ang kanin at akmang lalagyan ang aking pinggan. Nataranta ako…

“M-Mr. Sullivan, I’m full–”

“Eat. Sobrang konti ng kinain mo.” Anito habang nilagyan ng isa pang sandok ang aking pinggan.

What the… I’m getting bloated in here!

Pinilit kong ubusin ang pagkain ko kahit busog na busog na ako. Nakasanayan ko kasing hindi dapat nagtitira ng pagkain sa pinggan. At isa pa, baka sabihan nanaman ako ng isang ’to na ungrateful. Who would even like that thought? He’s really terrible.

Napasandal ako sa upuan matapos ubusin ang laman ng pinggan habang siya ay hindi ko napansing kanina pa pala akong pinapanood.

“What?” I asked him, a bit annoyed and feel conscious because of his stares.

He smirked at me, which I never expect. His very serious and scowl look turned into a very handsome smirk.

I was amazed as I glanced at him. Hindi ko tuloy maiwasang mapangiti.

“What are you smirking, Mister?” Sambit ko sa pangalang itinatawag ko sa kaniya noon.

“Nothing, and will you stop calling me ’Mister? It makes me old.” Nagsusuplado na naman nitong sinabi.

He really is a very serious type of person. He rarely smiles nor smirks. At lagi pang nakakunot ang noo at matalim kung tumingin. At first glance, you can say that he’s a strict and very heartless man. Pero kahit na ganoon ang madalas niyang ekspresyon, he’s god damn manly features screaming in ruggedness and authority will be caught your attention immediately that you cannot just ignore.

“Why? Mas matanda ka naman talaga sa akin. Meaning, you’re old.” Napangiti ako pero kalaunan ay napaismid ako nang mapansing nasosobrahan na ata ako sa mga sinasabi ko.

Seryoso at natahimik ako lalo ng tumama ang istriktong mga mata nito sa akin.

“I-I mean you act older than your age. You should go and party at the high-end bar with your cousins.” I spatted, frightened by his sharp glares.

“I partied when I want.”

Napaisip pa ako ng pwedeng makapagpawala ng masamang pukol na tingin nito sa akin.

“So…what should I call you then? Mr. Sullivan?” Kinakabahan kong tanong sa kaniya.

Pero mas lalong bumilis ang tahip ng aking dibdib nang umusad ito palapit sa akin. He leans his body a bit, our faces were now inches away from each other.

I felt myself shortened with air, making my heartbeat doubled when his eyes dropped on my parted lips.

I can feel his breath on my cheeks. His delicate manly scents filled my nose when his body is just near my arms.

Halos lumuwa aking mga mata sa kakatitig sa isa’t isa. His serious and intimidating gaze was not visible this time. He’s glaring at me subtle and eyes hooded.

“I told you, Rhaegar is better, Miss Aiden.” His voice is not stern this time, it was said in a very sensual manner.

Pigil ang hininga ay pinilit kong gawaran siya ng isang matamis na ngiti. Ramdam ko ang panginginig ng aking labi pero pinilit ko pa rin. His eyes dropped on my lips then back to my eyes again. He then leans more, eating our very small distance from each other.

Napahawak ako sa kaniyang braso nang muntikan na akong mahulog sa upuan kakausad dahil sa sobrang paglapit niya sa akin.

I can’t. I can’t hear anything except at the loud beating from my chest. It was like he also hears what trembles inside. It is deafening me.

Unti-unti ay lumapit ang kaniyang mukha sa akin. My eyes caught his hand in the air, I felt his index finger touch the side of my lips after.

“It has dirt,” he explained huskily after wiping the side of my lips.

Agad ko namang hinawakan ang gilid ng aking labi at saka nagmamadaling kumuha ng tissue sa ibabaw ng lamesa. I wiped it and looked away.

I caught him licked his lower lips and bite them. Umusad na siya at naghiwalay na kami sa isa’t isa. Nakahinga naman ako ng maluwag dahil don.

Tumayo na ako at nahuli ko ang mabilis nitong pag-angat ng tingin sa akin.

“Mr. Sull-”

“Rhaegar,” he inserted articulately to correct me.

“Rhaegar, but you are my boss. I should call you in a very respected manner.”

Tumayo na rin siya at lumapit sa akin ng bahagya.

“Call me that way when we are only together if that’s fine with you then.”

Seryosong tingin ang pinupukol niya sa akin ngunit iba ang ipinaparating. Napalunok ako…

“O-Okay, uhm, you have meeting this one o’clock?” I asked stutteringly.

“Yes,”

“You should prepare, I will go home.” Ani ko sa kaniya nang tingnan ko ang palapulsuhan ko at ilang oras nalang ay mag-aalauna na. Ilang segundo pa muna niya akong tiningnan bago siya kalaunang tumango sa akin.

Naglakad na ako patungong pintuan at pakiramdam ko ay lumulutang ako. Bumukas ang pinto bago ko pa man iyon gawin.

“Oh, Ria. How are you doing? I thought you’re on leave?” Zion asked me when he entered inside then eyes reach to the person at the back of me.

“Ahh…” Nangangapa ako ng sasabihin nang magsalita si Theron.

“Have you already eat lunch, Ria?” Theron asked me, standing at the side of Zion, then he smiled at me.

Ang dalawang kayumangging pares nitong mga mata ay ngayon lang rumehistro sa akin. “Yes, thanks Theron…for asking,” I uttered, awkwardly.

Nakita ko namang sabay pa silang napatingin ni Zion sa gawing likuran ko, kung saan nandoon si Rhaegar na nakatayo malapit sa table na kinainan namin.

Zion shrugged when I looked back at them. “It’s completely obvious, Theron. What is the use of asking her.” Nakangising anito sa pinsang may nakakalokong mga ngiti para kay Rhaegar.

Naramdaman ko namang magtungo sa aking likuran si Rhaegar. “What do you want assholes?” Rhaegar’s deep baritone voice asked from behind me. I didn’t take a glance at him.

Mariin akong napakagat labi nang nakakalokong ngumisi ang dalawang pinsan nito sa kaniya. Habang ako naman ay hindi maiwasang mamangha sa tatlong nilalang na ito na nakatayo sa aking harapan at likod. They looked like some greek gods that living.

“Nothing, we just get here to disturbed your peaceful life.” Zion seriously said then chuckled afterward.

Napatingin naman ako kay Rhaegar nang makitang nasa tabi ko na pala siya ngayon. He didn’t glance at me, nananatiling nasa mga pinsan ang masama nitong mga titig.

“Mauna na ’ko sa inyo,” singit ko sa kanila dahil mukhang makakaistorbo lang ako sa usapan nilang tatlo.

Mukhang natigilan naman si Zion sa sinabi ko.

“Why? Where are you going?”

“Uuwi na ’ko, Zion. Wala rin naman talaga akong trabaho ngayon.”

“Wait, you should stay here for a bit–” Zion was cut by Rhaegar.

“She needs to rest reason why she’s on leave today.” Rhaegar’s voice was sterned.

“But her condo was still in process. Hindi pa tapos palitan ’yung mga doorknobs.” Theron inserted to him.

Nakita ko naman kung paanong mangunot ang noo ni Rhaegar sa sinabi nito.

“Ano Ria? Stay here for a bit.” Ani pa ni Zion sa akin na para bang mapapapayag niya ako.

Nag-angat akong muli ng tingin kay Rhaegar, animong nakasalalay sa kaniya ang magiging sagot ko. He rolled his eyes, annoyed. Bite his lips before he nodded to me.

“Okay,” bigla kong ani nang makita ang pagsang-ayon sa mga mata ni Rhaegar.

“Great, what do you want? Pizza? Fries and burger? Nachos? Donuts? Or an iced tea? Wait, are you fond of sweet foods? I’ll order us some snacks.” Zion asked me in monotone.

“I’m fine with anything, thanks.” Nahihiya ko namang ani dahil nararamdaman ko ang mga titig ni Rhaegar sa akin. Nakakailang.

Naglakad sila patungong sofa at ganon din ako upang bahagyang makaiwas kay Rhaegar. They obliged me to sit so I am.

Habang nag-uusap sila Theron at Zion ay hinanap ng aking mga mata si Rhaegar na may madilim na ekspresyon.

Ayaw niya atang nandito ako? Pero bakit niya ako pinapunta dito at sabay kaming nag-lunch kung ayaw niyang mag-stay ako rito? Oh, Ria! Stop assuming things! But then I can’t. Kaya nga nagtataka ako ngayon kung bakit ganiyan ang ekspresyon niya.

He looked pissed or something. Wala naman siyang kaaway. Animong magmamaktol anumang oras dahil hindi nabilhan ng laruang gusto niya.

Mabilis akong nag-iwas ng tingin nang bumaling siya sa akin. I cleared my throat and shifted on my sit.

When my eyes caught my wrist and checked the time ay agad akong nag-angat ng tingin sa kaniya.

He was sitting beside me now habang ang dalawa ay nasa harapan namin at abala sa pag-order ng mga pagkain. Hinarap ko siya at napansin niya naman ’yon pero hindi niya ako binalingan.

“It’s past one o’clock, you should be at your board meeting now. Baka nandoon na ang mga kaboard meeting mo. You shouldn’t make them wait.” I muttered.

“Bakit hindi? I’m their boss, they should wait for me.”

“You have a board meeting, Rhaegar?” Tanong ni Theron na mukhang nakikinig sa pinag-uusapan namin.

“Yes,”

Ngumuso si Theron na animong nag-iisip.

“What are you doing here then? You should be at the meeting right now.” Zion forwarned.

Napatingin kaming tatlo sa kaniya nang biglang tumayo si Rhaegar sa tabi ko at umalis patungong table nito. At first, I thought he’s about to wear his suit to attend the meeting. But I guess we’re all surprised when we saw him took his phone and put it on his ears. He’s still standing proudly, calling the other line.

“I adjourned the board meeting, tell them that I’ll set a new schedule when I’m free.” Then he ended the call by putting it back at the side of his table.

Hindi makapaniwala akong tumingin sa kaniya. I stood up and went to him.

“What are you doing? Your business partners were already there and you just called it adjourned. You’re wasting their time, Rhaegar.” Ani ko sa kaniya, seryoso at hindi makapaniwalang nakatingin sa kaniya dahil sa ginawa.

Of all people siya lang ata ang narinig kong ganiyan. Matiim at mariin lang akong tinapunan niya ng tingin. Animong hindi ako naririnig.

I crossed my arms then glared at him. “Call your attendant and tell him that you are bound to the board meeting,” I demanded to him.

Mukhang wala na ata talaga ako sa sarili dahil naramdaman ko ang pananahimik ng dalawa sa likuran namin. I admit that I’m not close with Rhaegar but what he is doing right now wasn’t right. At iyon ang ipinuputok ng loob ko ngayon.

Napansin ko rin ang marahang pagkurap ni Rhaegar at paglipat ng tingin sa kaniyang dalawang pinsan bago muling magseryoso ang tingin sa akin. I equaled his glare.

“You’re not dictating me, aren’t you? He said to me rigorously. His brows furrowed.

Natauhan naman ako ng pangilabutan ako sa tono ng pananalita niya.

“I-I’m not. I just want to say that you should at least consider the time and effort of these people to attend your meeting. And you’ll just put it on waste.“I explained.

Naiilang man ay pinilit ko pa ring labanan ang kaniyang mga tingin. I even swallowed hard when his eyes glisten at me.

“Good,” he sternly uttered then turned his back on me.

Napayuko naman ako at saka tinalikuran na rin siya. Naglakad ako at huminto lang nang magsalita ang dalawa sa sofa.

“Bathroom?“Alinlangang tanong ni Zion sa akin.

I shooked my head, “Sorry Zion, Theron, but I don’t think I can stay here for a while. I’m going home. I want to rest.” Ani ko at nawalan na ng gana pang mag-stay dito sa kaniyang opisina.

Kabanata 7

Kabanata 7

Reyes

Nakahiga ako sa aking kama habang nakatingin sa puting ceiling ng aking silid.

I haven’t demanded nor dictated him, I guess? He should also consider his people. They are also making their schedule and have a lot of works to do and he just adjourned it without getting hesitation.

And I’m also curious why he does that. He was about to prepare for the meeting when I was on my way to go home but then when his cousins came, his mind just suddenly change?

I don’t get him. He’s being indulgent to me when he initiates that I will eat lunch with him, I gratefully accept it. But when his mood suddenly changes like it was some kind of menstruation or he’s having a bad morning because of the noise, it’s just so weird to me.

And the way he looks at me nang sabihin kong tumawag siya at ituloy ang meeting ay hindi ko kinaya. I never saw him glared at me like that before. I mean he’s always glaring like someone will going to him anytime, but this time it isn’t. It’s like he was preying on me.

I can’t stay long to stare at him, the lightning from his eyes was like electricity that easily crawled up in me and shocked me then make my knees quivers in fear. It gives me chills that made me stop breathing.

I shook my head and stop thinking about him.

The next morning I was about to enter the elevator when I saw him inside. I immediately looked away before our eyes met.

Hindi ko alam kung tutuloy ba ako sa pagpasok o hindi. Mag-isa lang siya sa loob at mukhang papasok na rin ng opisina. Pero nang maisip kong hindi ako magiging kumportable ay naglakad nalang ako papunta sa kabilang side kung saan may isa pa namang elevator.

I heard his elevator closed and there when I let my halted breathe continued. Napahawak pa ako sa aking dibdib bago pumasok sa kabilang elevator.

Dito pa lang sa condo ay kinakabahan at naiilang na ako tuwing magkikita kami paano pa kaya mamaya sa opisina. Hindi naman pwedeng magkulong lang ako sa loob ng office ko. I also need to have checked on him whenever he needed me and also remind him of his schedule the whole day.

Hindi ko alam kung paano siyang haharapin. Should I need to say sorry for what I did yesterday? Uhm, my apology about what I said yesterday. Should it be like this, ’I didn’t mean to meddle with your decision pero masyado na ata kasi yung-

Ah! It’s shouldn’t be like that! Baka Madagdagan lang lalo ang galit niya akin kapag sinabi ko ’yon. Bahala na, I’m gonna keep my mouth shut nalang para wala ng problema.

I’m in my office now at hindi na dumaan ng cafe ni Sofi kahit na gustuhin ko man ay hindi na rin dahil alam kong makikita ko lang siya ron.

He didn’t text me to buy him a coffee so I suspect that he bought himself instead. Well, I can see that he’s still mad at me. But what will I do? Suyuin siya? Manghingi ng apology just because of what I said?

Oh, God! Ria! It’s not that simple as that! Paano kung tanggalan niya ako sa trabaho at maghanap nalang ng bagong secretary na ipapalit sa akin? Hell, I can’t imagine myself in that state again. Ni hindi pa ako nakakasweldo dito tatanggalin na agad ako? That will be unfair if that’s gonna happen.

Nawala lang ako sa mga pinag-iisip ko nang makita ang oras sa orasan. I have his schedule for today and I made a few changes to it yesterday dahil he text me and said that he wants to have the meeting he postponed yesterday to happened this morning.

I didn’t reply to his text last night because it’s just that. And I have nothing to claim or say anything to him. I stood up and went to the elevator up to his floor.

Kinakabahan man ay confident akong naglakad papasok sa loob ng opisina niya. It’s nine o’clock and the board meeting will start anytime soon.

When I entered inside ay halos lumuwa ang aking mga mata at lumaglag ang panga nang makitang wala siyang saplot pang-itaas.

His broad shoulder and those chiseled chests, my eyes dripped down to his two, four, six, eight, eight pack abs! As his triceps flexing as he get his white button-down shirt from his table. I felt my mouth watered so I immediately zip it.

But I gasped loudly that he can almost hear me and notice my presence. Hindi ako tumalikod bagkus ay nagbaba lang ng tingin sa sahig.

I shut my mouth like I planned to do earlier! I swallowed hard when my throat run dry.

“U-Uhm, your meeting will start in a few minutes. Y-You should have to wear something else to look presentable and yeah, decent of course! So when you face the board members h-hindi sila maiilang.” I stuttered.

Nakakahiya! Para akong musmos na batang uutal-utal magsalita habang ang mga mata’y nasa ibaba pa rin ang tingin. Why is he topless anyway?!

Nararamdaman ko ang seryosong tingin nito sa akin kahit na hindi ako nakabaling sa kaniya.

“Who says I won’t wear anything inside? I wouldn’t let them drool over my body.” His sternly deep voice said in a very serious manner. His words may sound like he’s buggering his body but he’s not! He says it like it was normal and in a very snob manner.

I saw him in my peripheral vision walked towards his bathroom then he suddenly went out. Nag-angat ako ng tingin habang sinusuot niya ang kaniyang whilte long sleeves.

When he noticed my stares he cleared his throat and glared at me. Mag-iiwas na sana ako ng tingin ngunit nagsalita siya.

“I only have three minutes, the meeting will start soon. If you don’t want me to be late…help me here.” Aniya at tumingin sa kaniyang damit na kakasuot pa lamang niya.

Malalim akong napalunok at nasisigurado kong bakas ang gulat sa aking mata sa mga oras na ito.

“B-But-”

“Tell them to adjourned the meeting-”

“Ito na! I-I will help you,” ani ko at naglakad patungo sa kaniya.

Isang mahinang buntong-hininga pa muna ang aking binitiwan bago ako tuluyang lumapit sa kaniya. Nagkatitigan kaming dalawa, mabilis akong nag-iwas at napalunok muli.

Damn, I really can’t be determinedl why my heart stammered loudly inside my chest.

Binitawan ko ang hawak ko at ibinaba sa kaniyang table at saka muling hinarap siya at hinawakan ang kaniyang damit. His white long sleeves were already tucked in, and all I need to do is to close each button of it.

I licked my lower lips, my hand is shaking before it held his clothes. Mula sa ibaba ay sinimulan kong isarado ang mga butones. I tried to keep my distance from his muscled stomach and my fingers that buttoning his clothes.

“Relax, I wouldn’t harm you.” He said breathily. I felt his hot breath on my ears, making my heart thumped doubled than it was earlier.

I gulped and tried to do what he said.

When I’m in the middle I felt him took another step, getting more closer to each other. I can smell his newly shaved and the very familiar manly scents that I only smelled to him. And each time it filled my nose I get addicted to it.

Nang dalawang butones nalang ang natitira ay napaangat ako ng tingin sa kaniya at nakita ang dalawang seryoso nitong mga mata. Masyado itong misteryoso sa dilim ng gabing makita ko siya noon. But every time the sunlight hits him, it turns to brown that you didn’t expect it to be. It’s rare and very unique. From gray into hazel eyes.

His stubborn jaw clenched when my lips parted. Bumalik ang aking mga mata sa kaniyang dibdib at napakagat labi akong ibinutones ito at saka mabilis na humiwalay sa kaniya.

Nagmamadali kong inabot ang hawak ko kaninang clipboard at folders na ipinatong ko sa kaniyang lamesa.

Habang naglalakad sa kaniyang gilid papuntang conference room ay hindi ko maiwasang mailang pa rin sa kaniya.

Nang makarating kami ng conference room at bubuksan ko na ang pinto ay natigilan ako sa pagpihit nang pumaibabaw sa aking kamay ang kaniyang palad. As if he was about to open the door for us too.

I cleared my throat, “Uhm, it’s my job, Mr. Sullivan.” I said then glanced at him.

Mabilis niya akong binitiwan nang magtama ang aming mga tingin. Animong napaso siya ng magdikit ang aming mga kamay.

Nagsitayuan ang board members nang pumasok kami.

“Good morning, Mr. Sullivan,” bati nila sa kaniya.

Bahagya pa akong nagulat nang makita si Lolo sa isa sa mga nakatayo at bumabati sa kaniya. Ilang araw na rin ng huli ko siyang nakita.

Bago pa man niya ako balingan ng tingin ay nagawa ko ng humugot ng upuan para kay Mr. Sullivan at ganon din sa akin nang magsimula na ang meeting. I was sitting beside his chair, nasa kabisera at ako naman ay nasa kanang gilid niya.

Naiilang at hindi man kumportable sa posisyon ko dahil sa mga mata ni Lolo na hindi sa akin inaalis ay pinilit kong iwasan iyon. I should focus on my work. I said to myself to avoid my grandpa’s glares at me.

They have a lot of proposals and suggestions for their new project that will gonna be established soon. I even heard about the Rockefeller construction for their new hotel, it’s one of the best and tremendous hoteliers and real estate in the country.

“Let me handle the talk to my uncle about it. I want to focus for now on the site.” Mr. Sullivan uttered seriously.

Lahat naman ay matatahimik sa tuwing magsasalita siya. Maging ako ay hindi rin makaapila kapag ganiyan kaseryoso at itrikto ang boses ng magsasalita.

So if ever I will be the one presenting a project or even a proposal in front, I can surely imagine myself stuttered the whole time. Because the way Mr. Sullivan glares, it never failed to frighten someone who he looked at.

At sa tuwing magsasalita siya ay mapapahinto ang lahat upang pakinggan ang anumang magiging kumento niya rito. Kahit ako man ay kinakabahan dahil pakiramdam ko ay masama lahat ng lalabas sa kaniyang bibig at hindi magugustuhan ang kung anumang ipiprisinta ko.

When the meeting ends after a one and a half hour ay nakipagkamay kami sa kanila. Nasa gilid ko si Mr. Sullivan at abala rin sa ibang board members when someone shook my hand.

He’s an old man but the playful in his smile never left it unnoticed.

“Thank you. You are new to me. Miss?” he asked after we shook hands.

I smiled at him, “Miss de La-” I paused when I saw my grandpa from the back of this old man, glaring at me intently. “Miss Ria, people call me that.” Napalitan ng pilit ang aking mga ngiti nang bumaling akong muli sa aking kaharap.

“What are you here? Are you Rhaegar’s girlfriend?” He asked which makes me looked in surprised.

I felt my cheeks heated when I saw Rhaegar looked on my way.

“I’m his secretary,” I simply answered to him.

“Really? I thought you are his girlfriend. So if that’s the case, how about let’s have dinner later, Miss Ria?” The old man uttered in a low voice.

Napakagat labi ako at hindi na ako kumportable ng sabihin niya iyon.

“Just two of us, I’ll give you a contract…that will benefit the both of us.” Mapaglaro ang ngiti ng matanda at ang mga mata ay nasa katawan ko na ang tingin.

“I’m sorry but I have plans to–”

“Stay away and be professional or I’ll call my man to throw you out of my sight. Indecent proposals didn’t tolerate here, Mr. Diego.” Rhaegar showed up and place me at his back.

Nagulat ako, I even also saw how the old man smirked at him like he wasn’t really surprised at him at all.

Kahit na ang malapad na likod ni Rhaegar ang nakaharap sa akin ngayon ay ramdam ko ang matatalim nitong tingin sa matanda.

“Sure! She’s yours, your secretary Mr. Sullivan. My bad.” Ani ng matanda at sumulyap sa akin bago tuluyang lumabas ng pinto.

I noticed my grandpa standing at the side. Kami nalang palang apat ang natitira dito sa loob. And when the old man walked out my grandpa approached us.

Si Rhaegar ay nananatili pa ring nasa aking harapan. When he noticed my grandpa he took a glance at him.

Akala ko ay lalapitan niya ako pero nagulat ako ng tulyan na rin siyang lumabas ng conference room.

Mabigat akong bumuntong-hininga at mariing kinagat ang aking pang-ibabang labi.

“I-I’m sorry about that,” ani ko sa nakatalikod na si Rhaegar.

He didn’t say a word then he suddenly went out without looking at me back. I sighed. Nang maisarado ko ang pinto ng conference room at matanaw na nauna na sa akin si Rhaegar patungong opisina niya ay naramdaman kong mag-vibrate ang aking cellphone.

I have drawn it and checked if who it is from. My forehead suddenly creased when I saw that it was from my grandpa.

From Mr. De Laughrey:

Let’s talk. Meet me in the basement. Don’t make me wait.

Kanina ko pa rin siya gustong makausap kaya naman walang alinlangan akong tumungo ng elevator at bumaba ng basement.

I want to ask him about dad dahil hindi man lang nila ako sinabihan tungkol sa paglipat nito abroad para don ipagpatuloy ang pagpapagaling. At kung ano man ang dahilan ng pagkikipag-usap sa akin ni Lolo ay tinitiyak kong hindi na naman ito maganda. I’m tired of having a conversation with him, kung hindi pagtatapon ng masasakit na salita sa akin ay pagbabanta na tantanan ko na ang landas niya.

And like what I always said, I get used to it over time.

Pagkababa ko ng basement ay nakita ko ang isang nakaunipormeng tauhan niya. He’s also wearing a pair of office attire, but if I’m not mistaken, he’s a bodyguard of my Lolo.

Yumuko siya ng bahagya nang makita ako at inilahad ang kaniyang kamay patungong parking lot.

Sumunod ako sa kaniya hanggang sa marating namin ang sasakyan ni Lolo. He was waiting inside his car.

Dahandahang bumaba ang bintana ng sasakyan nito sa likuran. There was my grandpa is sitting.

Nananatili lang akong nakatayo sa gilid ng kaniyang sasakyan habang nakamasid sa kaniya mula sa loob. The whole parking lot was silent, we are only the people here when I roamed my eyes in the place.

“Why didn’t you tell me about dad?” I asked him first.

Tahimik lang siyang nakaupo habang ang mga mata ay hindi nakatuon sa akin. He was looking in front so in my view, ay nakatagilid ang gawi niya sa akin.

“Because you didn’t even have the right to know.” He replied sluggishly.

“But I was her daughter. Anak niya ako kahit hindi niyo ako tinuturing na apo niyo!” Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko.

Marahan siyang pumihit ng tingin sa gawi ko at matalim akong diretsong tiningnan sa mga mata.

“You will never be my granddaughter. It’s only just my wife who claimed that you are ours. I never believed, it’s just her and your father’s claimed.” His words were like a slapped in my face.

Kahit ilang beses na niya akong sinabihan ng masasakit na salita ay hindi pa rin nagbabago ang sakit na idinudulot nito sa aking dibdib. Parehas at parehong malalim ang mga sugat na pamilya ko mismo ang gumawa sa pagkatao ko.

“I never wished to be part of yours too, Mr. De Laughrey. And I never claimed that I am your’s.” Mariin kong sagot.

Ang kulubot nitong balat sa mukha ay kita kong nangangalit sa akin. Even how much he hated my entire being ay hindi pa rin nawala ang pagmamahal ko sa kaniya bilang Lolo ko. Even how much he pushed me away, hindi ko nagawang magtanim ng sama ng loob sa kaniya. I just get angry with him and I always felt broke every time he denied that I’m really not his granddaughter and that I will never be.

“Where is dad?” I asked languidly.

Nag-iwas siya ng tingin sa akin. “He’s doing great, but I won’t let you know where exactly he was.”

“Then where is him?”

“US, Vera was in charge to take care of him.”

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at napayakap sa sarili kong mga braso. I’ll go and find you there dad. I missed you so so much.

Agad akong nag-angat ng tingin sa bintana ng sasakyan nang makita kong may inabot si Lolo sa kaniyang tauhan.

His man handed me an envelope, and I took a glance at my grandpa who’s now staring in front of his car.

Binuksan ko iyon at tiningnan ang laman nito sa loob. When I saw that it was papers ay agad ko iyong binasa.

It was a birth certificate…of mine. Mula sa parteng gitnang bahagi ng papel ay nabasa ko ang pangalan ng aking ina.

Mother: Celeste Eve Reyes

Bumagsak ang panga ko nang makitang walang ama na nakasulat do’n. It was just blank. Brayden, my fathers’ name wasn’t there anymore. And when I looked at the top of the paper in where is my name located, napasinghap ako at hindi na napigilang magbadya ang mga luha sa aking mga mata.

Name: Eleftheria Aiden Reyes…

My surname…it was changed.

“Matagal ko na ’tong gustong gawin ngunit hindi ko magawa gawa dahil sa ’yong Lola at kay Brayden. But now that your grandma is dead a long time ago and your father was abroad, I don’t think someone can stop me from doing this. I don’t want to hear anything from you from now on. You are not a De Laughrey anymore. You are Reyes, a paltry old name who has nothing. Sana naman ay sapat na ’yang kabayaran para sa kahihiyang dinulot mo sa pamilya namin. Just act like you weren’t part of us. Just live your own life like we haven’t met each other. Forget everything that you even be my granddaughter like what my son and wife are claiming. Because I never treated and see you that way.” My grandpa heartlessly said.

Ibababa na sana nito ang bintana ng kaniyang sasakyan nang makita ko ang cheque na kasama ng birth certificate na hawak ko. It was worth ten million written.

“Hindi ko kailangan ng pera niyo. Kahit kailan hindi ko kinahiya lahat ng pangmamaliit niyo sa akin simula pagkabata ko. I never see you as my grandfather because you never treated me like your real granddaughter. I never have the guts to ask you ’why, up until now. I’m still clueless why you treat me this way. Alam kong anak ako ni Dad sa labas but how could you never say that I am not dad’s daughter–”

“Because your mother is a slut!” My grandpa’s voice echoed and filled the parking lot of his thunderous voice.

I flinched and almost felt my heart out of my chest after what he said. One tear escapes my eyes as I glace at his furious glares.

Kinuha ko ang cheque at pinilas ko sa maraming piraso.

“She maybe is, but you can’t buy and treadle my dignity the way you did to her.” Mariin kong ani at bago pa niya tuluyang maisarado ang bintana ng kaniyang sasakyan ay umandar na ito paalis.

Mabigat at marahas ang naging pag-buntong hininga ko kasabay ng pagpigil sa mga hikbing pilit na kumakawala sa aking bibig. Tanaw ang sasakyan niyang papalayo ay hindi ko maiwasang mapasandig sa posteng nasa aking likuran para kapitan dahil pakiramdam ko ay anumang oras ay bibigay ang aking katawan mula sa kinatatayuan ko.

Mahigpit ang hawak ko sa envelope habang naglalakad patungong elevator. I calmed myself and wiped my tears.

Nanlalagkit ang pisngi ko kaya pagkapasok na pagkapasok ko ng opisina ko ay tinungo ko ang bathroom. But the moment I open the door of my office and get in, ay nakita ko si Rhaegar na may mariin na mga tingin sa akin.

He was leaning a bit on my table, crossed arms and brows furrowed.

Balak ko na sanang hindi siya pansinin at dumiretso na nang bathroom nang magsalita siya.

“Saan ka nanggaling?” His deep voice dripped into my bones that is give me chills.

He looked very serious staring at me intently.

Pagod ang mga mata kong nagbaba ng tingin at pagod ang labi kong gumuhit ng isang malungkot na ngiti.

“I…just meet someone at the basement.”

Nanunuri ang mga mata nitong binabasa ang aking mga mata. Mabagal siyang naglakad palapit sa akin at huminto nang ilang metro nalang ang layo namin sa isa’t isa.

“You take that long at the basement. I was looking for you in the conference room, I thought you were there.”

“No, I wasn’t, I wasn’t there…” I breathily uttered then looked away.

Umiwas ako sa kaniya at diretso nang nilakad ang bathroom. Naghilamos ako at tiningnan ang sarili sa salamin.

Nang maalala ang nangyari kanina ay napayuko ako at saka muling binasa ang sarili. I dried my face afterward. Hindi ko na namalayang tumagal ako sa bathroom.

Pagkalabas ko ay naabutan ko si Rhaegar na nakaupo sa sofa at sa harap nito ay ang lamesa na may mga pagkain sa ibabaw.

“Let’s eat lunch,” aniya sa normal na pananalita. Iba sa seryoso at galit nitong tono na palagi niyang ginagamit.

Hindi ako nagsalita at tahimik lang na naupo sa harapan niya. We ate our whole lunch filled with silence.

Napapatingin lang ako sa kaniya sa tuwing mararamdaman kong tumatagal na ang titig nito sa akin. Nanunuri at naninimbang niya akong tiningnan bago siya tuluyang umalis ng opisina ko para bumaik na ng office niya.

I sighed. Pakiramdam ko ay nawalan na ako ng gana sa buong maghapon. I know where my dad is now, but I’m not specific. Hindi ko alam kung maninibago ba ako dahil sa napalitan na ang surname ko o hindi. Dahil kahit kailan ay hindi ko naman naramdaman ang honorability nang gamit ko pa iyon.

All I felt was humiliation and unfortunate. I never perceive to be in the phase of being a real De Laughrey. I was just a no one, a bitch daughter and something unworthy to have, kaya gano’n nalang nila ako kabilis ipagtabuyan at iwanan.

Inabala ko ang sarili ko sa trabaho maghapon. I want to divert my attention instead of being drowned by my thoughts. It will not help me to be good if I will be stuck on that thought.

Hindi ko namalayang inabot na ako ng dilim nang makita ko ang oras. It’s past six o’clock in the evening at madami na rin akong natapos na trabaho. I actually don’t feel the drowsiness but when I heard my phone beeped ay kinuha ko ito para tingnan.

Napataas ako ng isang kilay nang makitang si Rhaegar iyon.

From: Mr. Sullivan

Why you’re not yet out? Aren’t you tired? Nor starving?

Sumandal ako sa aking swivel chair atsaka nagtipa ng mensahe.

Ako:

I’m done with my work, pauwi na rin ako.

Why did he text me? Nasa opisina niya pa rin ba siya? Maybe he’s making out again. I winced when that thought popped out in my mind.

Inayos ko na ang mga gamit ko sa lamesa at pinagsama sama ang mga files at folder na natapos ko ng gawin. I plugged out my computer and turned off the aircon.

Naglalakad ako palapit sa lamesa ko nang makita kong umilaw ang aking cellphone. I grabbed it then my forehead creased.

From: Mr. Sullivan

Dadaanan kita sa office mo. Sabay na tayong umuwi.

Kabanata 8

Kabanata 8

Warned

Saktong pagkalabas ko ng opisina ay nakita kong malapit na si Rhaegar. I don’t know if it’s right to just call him that way but I feel comfortable.

Tipid at pagod ko siyang nginitian nang huminto siya sa tapat ko. The whole floor was silent and no one is there. The lights are still on but some were turned off.

Nakapamulsa ang dalawang kamay niya at gaya ng madalas nitong seryosong mga tingin sa akin. He raised his brow, making me creased my forehead.

“You okay?” Hindi ko inaasahang magiging tanong niya sa akin.

His voice was tremendous and his glare was like estimating me.

“Yeah, thanks for asking.”

He headed the way towards the elevator. He didn’t ask me further questions but his eyes were like reading me every time I caught him staring at me.

Tahimik lang kaming pumasok na dalawa sa elevator at hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit pakiramdam ko ay naninibago ako sa kaniya.

Nang makababa kami ng basement at tinungo na ang parking ay wala pa ring umiimik sa amin. Well, he never made a conversation with me first. I also don’t feel like talking to someone right now.

I halted when he stopped walking. Napansin kong magkatabi lang pala ang mga sasakyan naming nakapark. I looked at him.

“Bye for now,” I said my goodbye at hindi na siya hinintay na magsalita at pinatunog na ang sasakyan. Nang mayamaya ay nagsalita siya dahilan para mapahinto ako.

“Have you eat dinner?” Hinarap ko siya habang nakaabang na ang nakabukas na pintuan ng sasakyan ko.

I bit my lower lips, then I slowly shook my head.

“Let’s eat dinner outside.” He said without asking me, it’s like a command.

Napamaang ako. “But you know, I’m not starving though. Ikaw nalang,” nahihiya kong pagtanggi.

Nakita ko naman kung paanong gumuhit ang gulat sa kaniyang mukha at magsalubong ang dalawang makakapal na kilay nito at mangunot kalaunan.

“You refused me?” His voice became deep.

Agad akong nakaramdam ng kaba dahil ganitong ganito ang naging reaksiyon niya kahapon nang halos pag-awayan namin ang tungkol sa meeting. I startled and strived to find words that cannot offend him or what!

“No! Of course not, what I mean is that, sure! Kanina pa talaga ako ginugutom but I just resist it.” Hilaw akong ngumiti sa kaniya.

Seryoso at diretso lang ang tingin nito sa akin ngayon. His mood change so instantly!

“Follow me,” biglang aniya at saka dumiretso ng sasakyan niya.

I let a sigh before I went inside my car. The hell! Hindi ko na gusto pang makita siyang ganoon ang reaksyon. It feels like my life was in debt and he’s the tollman. Nakahinga ako ng maluwag nang umandar na ang kaniyang kotse na agad ko namang sinundan.

Nakakunot ang noo kong nakasunod sa kaniyang sasakyan. Hindi ko alam kung saan niya ako dadalhin kaya wala akong ibang nagawa kundi ang sundan nalang siya.

When I saw my phone vibrated I took it. He texted me.

From: Mr. Sullivan

Got you,

Napakunot naman ang noo ko nang mabasa ang text niya. Weird. What does he mean here? Did he get me? Napangiti naman ako ng iba ang isipin. No, he didn’t get me, okay.

Ibinaba ko ang aking cellphone sa dashboard at hindi na nagreply. At nang mapansing nasa Bonifacio Global City na kami ay halos mangunot ang noo ko.

We’re heading on the Fort, at ang mas kinagulat ko ay ang pagdiretso namin. We’re going to eat at Shangri-La Hotel.

I saw him stopped so I am too. He parked his car and I did the same. Maluwang ang parking lot at may ilang sasakyang nakikita sa labas.

I was a bit surprised when I went out of my car at nakaabang na sa akin si Rhaegar na nakatayo sa labas ng kotse ko.

“Come on,” he said then held my elbow the moment I step my stilettos just near him.

Napatingin ako ron sa kamay niyang nakaalalay sa akin. When I glance at him, he was just glaring at me indulgently.

Nagbaba rin siya ng tingin sa kamay niyang nakahawak sa akin pero animong wala siyang malay na bumalik lang muli sa akin ang mga mata.

“T-Thanks,” I stutteringly uttered as he guided me towards the entrance of the hotel.

Hindi ko alam kung saan ako magpo-focus. Sa lakad ko ba at sa pagbabago ng mabilis kong paghinga o sa kanang kamay niyang nananatiling nakahawak sa siko ko. He’s closer to me, so near that I can felt his arms brushed to mine.

When I took a glance at him, he is just seriously looking in front of us. Gusto ko sanang bawiin ang braso ko mula sa pagkakahawak niya but then I realized, what if he gets mad at me again? Hindi ko rin namang gustong makita ang galit niyang mga tingin kaya hinayaan ko nalang iyon.

At isa pa…hindi ko alam kung dahil gusto ko rin ba ang paghawak niya sa akin. His large palm was calloused but it feels softer and gentle as it holds me. Like I was some kind of precious.

Tommen also held me this way before but I never think that it has this nostalgic effect that makes my heart thumped every step we take to get inside the restaurant.

I feel so light that I get drown in so much oblivion. My lips parted when we got inside the restaurant of the hotel.

There are some people inside and most of them turned their heads on our way. Bahagya akong nakaramdam ng ilang dahil karamihan doon ay mga babae.

They looked elegant when their eyes turned on the man beside me. But when I gaze at Rhaegar he was looking at me intently. Binitiwan niya ang aking braso at saka ipinaghila ng upuan.

“Thanks,” I said breathily that I assume he didn’t hear.

He also sat beside me. Hindi ko pa rin maiwasang mapansin ang mga matang sa amin nakatuon. Mr. Sullivan is an incredibly notorious businessman and a hot bachelor. Even I haven’t met him before, I always heard a lot of great things about him. Kaya I’m not even surprised if people here will come his way. Tingin pa lang ng mga ito sa kaniya alam mo nang humahanga.

But I’m different from them. I haven’t seen him that way. I’m always amazed by everything he was and he is doing but I know where I go. I’d been from heartbreak and I don’t think it’s a better way of treatment for myself to heal easily, to have fall in love again. It isn’t. And I respect him as my boss and no furthermore.

But what if they are thinking that I’m Rhaegar’s date tonight? This…is not a date. We’re not on a date. Pagklaro ko sa sarili. Because we’re just having our simple dinner.

And that’s what I keep on reminding myself when he started to say his order at the waiter beside our table. Naramdaman kong balingan niya ako ng tingin habang nananatili pa rin akong hindi makapag-decide ng kakainin.

“Same order nalang ng sa kaniya, steak right?” I asked him if I said correctly what he ordered.

Tumingin siya sa waiter at may sinabi pang order. Nang matapos ay agad na sa akin tumapon ang kaniyang mga tingin.

I didn’t get myself kung bakit ako naiilang sa kaniya ngayon. I had never been this way but now I feel like he’s intimidating me kahit na hindi naman talaga.

His glares were not menacing and dark like his usual scowl in the office. It was indulgent and a bit subtle if I’m not mistaken. At naninibago ako ron. Maybe that makes him look intimidating on me dahil hindi ako sanay sa tuwing ganiyan siyang tumingin sa akin. I used to him glaring at me darkly and in a very serious manner.

Tahimik lang kaming dalawa at walang nagtangkang magsalita hanggang sa ma-i-serve na ang appetizers. We just also ate it silently. Nagkakatinginan pero agad rin akong mag-iiwas ng tingin.

I feel like I was a teenager having a date with my suitor or someone that I can’t even stay a look for for long. Nakakahiya. So when the meal is served I tried to strike a conversation with him.

“So…I’m gonna pay my bills after.” What a bad start! I’m not that good at this so it will not hurt for a try!

Nakita kong sabay na tumaas ang dalawang kilay nito.

“No, I don’t let women pay for themselves when I’m with them.”

Napakurap kurap ako at saka marahang humiwa sa steak at saka kumain.

“You seem busy the whole day, Aiden.” He then said to me.

Agad na nagtagpo ang aming mga mata nang tawagin niya ako sa pangalan na iyon. It was my second name and I got only used to people that call me by my first name ’Ria. It was only him who called me that way.

“Ria, Mr. Sullivan.” I corrected him.

“Rhaegar, Aiden.” He whined.

I sipped on my glass in front of me then look back at him again.

“Rhaegar…you should call me Ria rather than Aiden.” Patiuna ko.

“Why not?” Nakakunot ang noo nitong tanong sa akin.

“I’m not used to it. People call me Ria at hindi ako sanay sa Aiden.”

“But aren’t you comfortable with it?”

Nagkunot rin ang noo ko nang hindi naintindihan ang kaniyang sinabi.

“Comfortable with what?”

He licked his lower lips after he drinks. My eyes got distracted by it.

“With me, calling you Aiden.” His deep husky voice said.

Napalunok ako at saka naglikot ang mga mata sa paligid.

“Yeah,” pag-amin ko at kalaunan ay bumalik muli sa pagkain ang tingin.

And when I lifted my glance to him I saw him bite his lower lips, making it redder than it was. Hiding a playful smirk by biting it.

Napanguso ako ron. He looked extremely handsome.

“You’re cheeks flushing,” he said out of nowhere.

Mabilis akong nag-angat ng tingin sa kaniya.

“Huh?”

“You are blushing,” he said back to his serious tone.

“What? No, I’m not. Baka napasobra lang ako kanina sa paglalagay.” Okay, I lied.

Dahil halos hindi nga ako nag-freshen up kanina bago pumunta ritong Hotel dahil ang plano ko ay diretsong umuwi nalang sa bahay.

When we finished our food until the desserts ay lumabas na rin kami ng Restaurant. This time he wasn’t holding my elbow. Nakahinga ako ng maluwag dahil don.

“You’re going home?” He asked me habang nakatayo kami sa kaniya kaniya naming sasakyan.

He was now leaning on his car while his hands were crossed. Looking so snob and very intimidating.

“Uhm, yeah. Ikaw ba? Hindi ka pa ba uuwi? It’s late.”

“I will, kung uuwi ka na rin.”

Hindi ko na napigilang kumawala ang ngiti sa aking mga labi.

“What are you saying? E’, iisang building lang naman ang bahay natin, magkaibang unit lang. Kaya magsasabay na talaga tayo sa pag-uwi.” I chuckled a bit.

My eyes got fixed on his red thin luscious lips twitching.

“You said so,” hindi ko inasahang ngumisi siya sa akin at saka nauna ng pumasok ng kotse niya.

Malawak ang ngiti at kagat ang labi kong nagmaneho patungong condo. Kung kanina ay ako ang nakasunod sa kaniya, ngayon naman ay siya na ang nakasunod sa akin.

Hindi ko mapigilan ang sariling paulit-ulit na tumingin sa aking side mirror at nakikita ang kaniyang luxury black sleek Maserati car na nakasunod sa aking likuran.

Oh God, he’s a living temptation.

Nang makababa ako ng sasakyan ko ay agad akong bumaling sa kaniya. He goes to my way and looked at me sternly.

This is really his normal way of glaring. Animong galit at nagsusuplado pero hindi. It’s just really natural to him.

I smiled at him sweetly. Seryoso lang niya akong tinitigan bago kami sabay na nagtungo ng elevator.

“Thanks, for the dinner. I enjoyed it.” Basag ko sa katahimikan habang pinagmamasdan ang sarili naming repleksyon sa loob ng elevator.

“Hmm, let’s do it again tomorrow.”

My eyes widened a fraction but I try not to look like I’m really surprised by what he said.

“There’s again?” I asked him, hesitantly.

“Uh-huh,” he mumbled huskily almost over just my ear.

“Well, I enjoyed it so I think we should do it again,” I was smiling sheepishly when I said that.

Tumingin siya sa akin at nakita ko kung paanong mag-igting ang kaniyang panga.

“Then let’s make it again.”

Bumukas ang elevator sa palapag ko kaya lumabas na ako. I was stunned when he held my hand and walked beside me.

Agad na nagbaba ang tingin ko sa kamay niyang nakahawak sa akin.

My heart skipped a beat when my eyes lifted on his dark and pierced eyes. My lips parted as my eyes caught the elevator closed.

“W-What are you doing?” Hindi magkamayaw sa pag-alpas ang maingay kong dibdib.

“Ihahatid kita sa unit mo,” tangi niyang sinabi at hinila na ako at nangunang maglakad sa akin patungong unit ko.

Kagat ko ang aking pang-ibabang labi na nakatingin sa kamay niyang nakahawak sa akin. I feel like his hold makes my heartbeat doubled.

Malapit lang ang unit ko sa elevator kaya hindi rin kami nagtagal sa paglalakad. My eyes never leave our hands kahit na nakahinto na pala kami sa pintuan ng unit ko.

Binitawan niya ang kamay ko at saka bumaling sa akin ng tingin.

“Thank you sa dinner at sa paghatid.” Malakas ang loob kong sabi pero sa loob loob ko ay pakiramdam ko ay mangingisay na ako.

His menacing glares dripped down to my lips.

“Is your…unit locks are great? Nagawa ba ng maayos ang mga doorknobs?” He then asked me.

I bit my lower lips as I nod my head to him.

“Yeah, they all change it. At mas secure na this time, unlike the old one.” I muttered.

His lips twitched and my eyes can’t stop watching it. We stayed silent for a moment and when I noticed him glared at me darkly, I glance at him.

“Night,” he muttered then took his eyes from me.

I paused from my breathing. “Good night,” I breathily said.

Tinuro ko pa ang pintuan sa likuran ko at saka kinuha ang card sa loob ng aking bag to swipe on my door. I can type my passcode onto my door but he was there outside with me, at ayaw kong makita niya ’yon so I swiped it like a credit card and went inside without looking at him back.

Nang tuluyan kong maisarado ang pintuan ay agad akong napasandal dito. Napahawak ako sa aking dibdib dahil sa hindi magkamayaw nitong malakas na pagtibok. It thumped out loud that makes my hearing gone, and all I can hear was the loud beating of my chest.

Nang maramdamang kumalma na ang sarili ko ay pumasok na rin agad ako ng kuwarto ko at tinungo ang bathroom to clean up myself. I even stayed long in the bathroom because I feel like I’m not satisfied by the half bath so I took a shower.

After I got finished wearing my pajamas and blow-dried my hair, I go to my vanity to brush my hair. At nang makuntento ay nahiga na ako sa kama.

Hindi ako mapakali sa aking higaan nang maalala ang nangyari sa maghapon. Kinuha ko ang envelope na kaninang ibinigay sa akin ni Lolo na nakapatong sa side table ko under the lampshade. I still can’t believe, that my surname is now changed. I am now a Reyes, but I haven’t even met at least one member of the Reyes family.

Simula nang iwanan ako ni Mom kay Dad nang sanggol pa lang ako ay hindi ko na naranasan pang magkaroon ng isang ina. But as I grew up and Tita Vera was on my Dad’s side, I thought she can be my mother. I thought she can act like my mother but she never been that kind to me. Hindi ko na rin sinubukang hanapin si Mom dahil wala rin naman akong ideya kung saan magsisimula.

My Dad used to tell me that wherever my mom was, she’s maybe happy now. Kaya hindi na rin ako nagtangka pang hanapin siya. And on the other side, I realized na siya dapat ang naghahanap sa akin. But if she’s happy without me, then I should be happy without her too.

Paulit-ulit kong binasa ang aking pangalan na nakasulat sa bago kong birth certificate.

Eleftheria Aiden Reyes

Maya-maya naman ay unti-unting napalitan ng tipid na ngiti ang aking mga labi nang maalala si Rhaegar.

He used to call me, Aiden. Siya lang ang unang tumawag sa akin sa gano’ng pangalan. And I seem to like it.

Ngunit unti-unting naglaho ang ngiti sa aking mga labi nang maalala ang seryoso at malalim nitong mga tingin sa akin kanina. It might be sometimes his usual glare but whenever I caught him staring, there was something more to it.

Kaya hindi ako makapaniwala na ang isang katulad niyang sobrang seryoso at metikolosong lalaki ay hahawakan ang aking kamay.

He was doing it normally. I’m pretty sure that he’s used to holding a woman’s elbow and hold their hands inwardly. He’s very good at it. Kaya hindi ko pa rin pwedeng hayaan ang sarili kong mahulog sa patibong niya.

I have been hurt not just once but over and over again. Kaya alam ko na kung may ibig sabihin ba ang mga bagay na ginagawa nila para sa’kin.

Tommen hurt me the way my past boyfriends did the same way back then. They broke up and say that they actually never got affection in me. That they only see me as a living pleasure that I had never given to them. Kaya sa huli ay hinihiwalayan nila ako dahil hindi ako pumapayag when it comes to having intimate sex with them. Cutting the word intimate when they said that it was only lust they are having for me.

I smiled painfully. That’s why I have never been an option. Because in the very beginning, they didn’t choose me because of love. They have only got me because of their own desires.

At gaya ng pagkakakilala ko kay Rhaegar. He’s extremely just a man who has desires, and I hate to think that it was only his intention to me. His cousins Theron and Zion. Just by examining them by your own eyes ay masasabi mong wala silang pinagkaibang tatlo. They just only love making out with you, then just throw you away after you scratched their itchy back.

At halos parehas lang ’yon sa mga naranasan ko. The only difference is that I never let them nor myself scratched them back. Because I know my limitation. I know where I should place and what is best for me.

Maaga akong lumabas ng unit ko para dumaan sa cafe. It’s been a while nang hindi ako napapadaan kay Sofi. I missed her so much.

Sikat na ang araw at may ilang tao na ring dumadaan sa cafe ni Sofi nang dumating ako.

“Sofi!” I called her.

I saw how her bored face lit up when she saw me.

“Ria! My gosh! How have you been?” She giggled after a lengthy hugged with each other.

“Nothing’s new, ano ka ba. And it’s only two days simula nang hindi tayo magkita so don’t act like we rarely see each other.” Ani ko sa kaniya na may nakakalokong ngisi sa mga labi.

Her chinky eyes and her naturally flushed cheeks because of her pale skin make her more beautiful when she makes faces on me.

“Duh, ganon din iyon. I still missed you! Magtatampo na nga sana ako sa’yo kung hindi ka pa pumunta dito.”

“You’re being weird, Sofi.” I whimpered.

“Nope, it’s not me. You’re the one being weird here. Palibhasa may love life.” She bitterly uttered sabay talikod sa akin at tinungo ang counter.

“Make me Americano and Caramel Machiatto, like my same order last time.” She ignored me.

I crossed my arms and made me look at her like I was stopping myself to laugh at her.

“What love life you are saying, Sofi?” I asked her in a very not interesting way.

Habang gumagawa siya ng order kong kape ay binalingan niya ako ng tingin.

“I told you, even you are not telling me about Rhaegar Sullivan the rumored spread out!”

Namilog ang mga mata ko at napatayo ng tuwid sa kinatatyuan ko.

“What is that rumored you are saying?” Kinakabahan kong tanong. I don’t remember myself being involved with Rhaegar.

Sofi smirked at me. “I have a customer here earlier than you do. I’m not eavesdropping, okay, I just heard them talked about Rhaegar Sullivan and the girl he date last night at Samba. And guess what, they even describe the girl as her janitress.”

My jaw dropped open at her statement.

“I-I’m not her janitress! I’m her secretary for goodness sake!” I growled, startled.

“As you say so. You still have a love life.” She smiled at me annoyingly as she dropped in front of me the two coffee I ordered.

Oh gosh, she’s literally bitter about me having a love life.

“Sofi, we are not.” I thoughtfully explained to her so she absorbed what I will say.

She sighed heavily, then held my hand. “Ria, I’m not bitter okay? I just want you to heal yourself first before giving yourself to others. You’re from heartbreak even you don’t seem like it. Be careful this time, I don’t wanna see you get you hurt again.” She worriedly said.

I caressed her hand, “I won’t. I learned from the best,” I winked as I said my goodbye to her. She just let a loud sigh at me.

Umalis na rin agad ako ng cafe at hindi na rin nagtagal pa. Hindi ko alam na ganon pala kabilis na malilink ako sa kaniya dahil lang sa dinner namin kagabi.

Pagkababa ko ng parking lot ay agad akong nagtungo ng basement at pumasok ng elevator. I decided to give him his usual Americano coffee before heading back to my office.

I walked gracefully as the other employee greeted me ’good morning.“ Nang makarating ako ng opisina niya at nang buksan iyon ay nakita ko siyang nakaupo at seryosong nagbabasa habang may ballpen na hawak sa kaniyang kanang kamay.

I walked towards his table to give him the coffee I bought for him.

“Good morning, I bought you a coffee,” I said with a smile plaster on my lips when I got near him.

Hindi siya nagsalita at nananatili pa rin ang seryosong mga mata sa kaniyang ginagawa. He looked very serious so I just put the coffee on the side of his table.

Nakatayo ako habang pinagmamasdan siya sa kaniyang ginagawa. I took a glance at the paper he was reading and it was a proposal that he needs to approve. It might be really important.

I sipped on my coffee before I spoke again.

“Uhm, are we going to eat lunch here in your office or…in my office again?” I asked him.

Well, I just noticed that we always eat lunchtime together. So I think it could be better if we scheduled it.

Padabog niyang ibinagsak sa lamesa ang kaniyang ballpen na lumikha ng nakakagulantang na tunog. I almost jumped at where I am standing because of the loud thud he makes.

“We are not going to eat lunch together. Now leave. Marami pa ’kong trabahong aasikasuhin. Ayoko ng istorbo.” He humidly uttered. Emphasizing each word that makes my heart rankle and bled in shock.

“G-Gano’n ba, I’m sorry. Aalis na lang ako.” I muttered then glance at him in disbelief before I walked out of his sight.

He was so serious and I don’t understand why he’s mad at me after what happened last night. He seems annoyed by my presence.

Naglakad ako patungong pintuan ng kaniyang opisina.

I warned you, Ria. He’s a very complicated man. He will not be going to treat you the way you think he was. Pangaral ko sa aking sarili habang naglalakad palabas ng opisina niya.

Kabanata 9

Kabanata 9

Doomed

My lips pursed as I sat on my chair. I didn’t get why he seems mad at me.

His brows were furrowed and his lips drew in a line. But I never caught him gazed at me in the eye.

“Excuse me, secretary Ria,”

Mula sa aking lamesa ay nag-angat ako ng tingin sa pintuang bumukas. There was a guy who entered.

“Yes?” I asked him.

Nananatili siyang nakatayo sa tapat ng pintuan ng aking opisina.

“Ito pa raw po yung mga papers na kailangan niyong i-review about the proposals and approvals. Paki-check na rin daw po every itinerary of the companies that will accompany us. At saka ngayong araw na rin daw po yung deadline.”

Nagbaba ang dalawang mata ko sa nagkakapalang folders na hawak niya. He was holding it with his two hands. At halos umabot na ng baba nito ang kapal.

My mouth went dropped and eyes wide open.

“Pwedeng itanong kung kanino nanggaling?” I asked him as I pointed my table, kung saan niya pwedeng ilagay.

Naglakad naman ito at tinungo ang gawi ko. Nang makalapit siya sa lamesa ko ay nahihiya itong tumingin sa akin at tipid akong nginingitian.

“Kay Mr. Sullivan po, secretary Ria,” nahihiya nitong ani habang maingat na ibinababa ang gabundok na mga folders sa lamesa ko.

Damn, it’s really high, the folders almost covered my face habang nakaupo ako sa aking swivel chair sa sobrang taas at kapal ng mga ito.

So Rhaegar sends it to me. Nagbabakasakali pa naman akong baka kay Mrs. Alcantara nanggaling. But who am I kidding here? Siya lang naman ang magbibigay at magtatambak sa akin ng ganito kakakapal na mga folders.

“Jhon nga po pala, secretary” Pakilala niya sa akin.

He seems one year younger than me. At mukhang mahiyain din dahil napakamot pa siya sa kaniyang batok matapos magpakilala.

I smiled at him, “Thanks, Jhon. Ms. Ria nalang, masyadong pormal ang secretary.” Ani ko habang hinahati ang mga folders para ilagay sa kabilang gilid ng lamesa ko dahil halos hindi ko na siya makita sa taas nitong nakaharang sa akin.

“Okay, Ms. Ria. T-Tulungan ko na po kayo,” he insisted at mabilis na inagaw sa kamay ko ang mga folders na aking hawak dahilan para mahawakan nito ang kamay ko.

Nagparte ang kaniyang mga labi at halos mamula ang kaniyang buong mukha nang tingnan ko siya. I removed my hands so he can get and put them beside the other folder.

“Salamat,” I said again matapos niyang mailapag iyon.

Ngumiti naman siya at saka nahihiyang nagpaalam na lalabas na siya. Nginitian ko lang ito at saka tuluyan ng umalis ng opisina ko.

Malakas akong bumuntong hininga at pinasadahan ng tingin ang tambak na mga folders na kailangan kong matapos ngayong araw. Hindi na ako nag-isip pa ng kung ano ano dahil kailangan kong matapos lahat ng ito ngayon.

I started checking my emails and I replied to some major messages na kailangan ko talagang mareply-an. And when I’m done at the computer ay inumpisahan ko nang basahin at i-review ang bawat folders na kailangan aprubahan at pag-aralang mabuti.

Nahirapan ako dahil it’s not just about the proposals but also about the finance and budgetary fund. Hands-on naman ako when it comes to the expenses na paglalaanan ng mga iyon dahil iyon ang major work ko talaga. I checked every supplier and the quality of their merchandise they will offer.

Inabot na ako ng alas dose ng tanghali sa kakabasa at kaka-type sa aking computer. I haven’t planned to eat lunch yet. At nang pasadahan ko ng tingin ang ilang natapos ko ng mga folders at magawan ng evaluation ay napagtanto kong hindi pa ako nakakakalahati. Sobrang dami talaga nito! Hindi kasya ang isang buong maghapon para matapos ko itong lahat.

Hinawi ko ang aking nakalugay na buhok mula sa aking likuran at inilagay sa aking balikat. Nakaramdam ako ng init kahit na malakas naman ang airconditon sa loob ng office ko. I then decided to remove my blazer nang maramdaman kong pinagpapawisan na ako.

I sighed then put my blazer behind the back of my swivel chair. Nagpatuloy na ulit ako sa ginagawa nang ilang minuto pa ang lumipas ay narinig kong bumukas ang pintuan.

Hindi ako nag-angat ng tingin dahil patapos na rin ’tong tina-type ko sa computer at para na rin ma-print ko na pagkatapos.

Naramdaman ko ang mga yabag nitong papalapit sa aking lamesa.

“Hey, gorgeous,”

Nang mag-angat ako ng mga mata mula sa aking computer papunta sa pinagmulan ng malaking boses na iyon ay malawak akong napangiti at kalaunan ay napakunot ang noo.

“Zion, what brings you here?” I asked him as he glanced at me indulgently.

Bahagya siyang sumandal sa harap ng aking lamesa nang makalapit siya, habang ang dalawang kamay ay nakapamulsa. He’s wearing his casual short-sleeve vertical striped mustard polo shirt paired with his brown trousers.

He crossed his arms and arched his brow as he glances at me mockingly. His biceps have fitted the sleeves of his polo habang ang tatlong butones sa kaniyang dibdib ay nakabukas.

“Just lurking around, don’t mind me. You seem to have a hard time at your work.” He said matapos pasadahan ng tingin ang lamesa kong natambakan ng maraming folders.

Nginiwian ko naman siya. “Kind of, so if you mind. I have work to do.” Ani ko sabay kuha ng panibagong folder na tatrabahuhin.

Pumihit ang katawan nito sa gawi ko at saka itinukod ang kaniyang kamay sa gilid ng folder na ine-examine ko. Hindi ko tuloy maiwasang mag-angat ng tingin sa kaniya.

His green eyes glinted playfully as they bore into me.

“What did you do to Rhaegar, last night?” He asked, then his lips twitched.

Mabilis na nangunot ang aking noo.

“What last night?” Tanong ko pabalik,

He smirked at me, “Come on, I know you know what I mean.”

“Nothing. We just dine outside. Why?” I curiously asked dahil hindi ko maintindihan ang punto ng pagtatanong niya sa akin.

What is the big deal about it? We just have our dinner outside and now people are getting curious and nosy about it. Kahit sa cafe ni Sofi, what is so big deal? And to be fact, it’s just Rhaegar who they subject but now am I getting involved?

Hinarap ako ni Zion at tinukod ang dalawang kamay niya sa harapan ng aking lamesa sa pagkakataong ito. Bahagyang nakayuko at inilapit ang mukha sa akin. His playfully smirk and glisten green eyes are earlier gone. Seryos na ito ngayong nakatunghay sa akin.

Napaseryoso rin tuloy ako at napaayos sa kinauupuan ko.

“Do you like him?” He then asked, straightforward.

I gulped hard. “No,”

Tumaas ang isang kilay nito sa akin. “Good, now can you promised me one thing?” He said like we are on a proposal.

“What is it?”

“Promised me, Ria.” Mariin nitong sinabi.

Napalunok ako sa sobrang seryoso ng tono ng pananalita niya. “I promised…” I then growled.

He makes nearer and eyes darkened in seriousness. Inilapit pa niya ang kaniyang mukha sa akin, his exposed hard chest was very near to me.

He leans more until his mouth reaches and is placed beside my ear.

I can smell his manly scents, I gasped.

“Never let him grip you. No matter what happens, don’t let him. No matter what you feel, it shouldn’t matter. Or else, you will be the one who needs to grip him and never loose the hold, Ria.” He mumbled on my ears.

“Why is that?” Tanong ko sa kaniya dahil hindi maintindihan ang gustong iparating.

I heard his lips parted, “Do you trust me?”

“I just met you, and…you are Rhaegar’s cousin.”

“You better trust me, it’s for your own good sake, gorgeous.” Then his playful voice comes back again.

Padarag na bumukas ang pintuan ng aking opisina at halos lumaglag ang panga ko nang makita ang humahangos na si Rhaegar.

He was standing while his thick black brows furiously meeting almost in a line. His thin lips were in a grim line as his eyes gravely glaring at the man who’s leaning on me.

Napahawak ako sa dibdib ni Zion para itulak siya palayo nang biglang hablutin ni Rhaegar si Zion mula sa aking lamesa.

It was swift that I didn’t even comprehend he is going to approach us.

Halos malagutan ako ng hininga nang maglapat ang tingin ng dalawa. Rhaegar’s eyes were in dim that you can even mind that he’s up for killing anytime he wants it done. Zion is just glaring at him flatly. But the smirk never leaves his lips kahit na matalim na ang mga mata ni Rhaegar na nakatitig sa kaniya.

Napatayo ako sa aking upuan. Kinakabahan dahil baka biglang magsuntukan ang dalawa rito.

“What couz? I thought you are on job?” Zion said in a very normal and calm manner.

Rhaegar’s eyes darted on him like he was killing Zion on his mind.

I swallowed hard. Hindi ko alam kung magsasalita ba ako o hindi. Rhaegar’s seem so mad while Zion was very calm and relaxed as he talked to him. Aaminin ko ring natakot ako sa mga mata ni Rhaegar kahit na hindi ito nakatuon sa akin ay ramdam ko and talim niyon.

“What you are doing here?” Rhaegar’s voice was stern as he asked him.

Zion chuckled a bit. “That’s what I’m going to ask you as well.” He mocked.

Mas dumilim ang mga mata ni Rhaegar dito. “I just dropped by, para mangamusta sana kay Ria. Bakit, bawal ba?” Zion answered him nonchalantly after mocking.

Nag-iwas ng tingin si Rhaegar dito at nagbaling sa aking ng tingin. Napalunok ako pero diretso ang tingin ko sa kaniya.

“Mr. Sullivan,” ani ko.

Mas dumilim lang ang tingin nito sa akin. Ilang segundo pa muna kaming nagkatitigan bago siya nag-iwas ng tingin at tinalikuran ako.

Naglakad siya palabas ng office ko. Napabaling ako ng tingin kay Zion na nakatingin na rin pala sa akin.

“Keep that in mind, Ria.” Zion remark before he left out my office.

Bumagsak ang aking dalawang balikat nang makalabas ang magpinsan. Marahas akong bumuntong-hininga at saka naupo sa aking swivel chair.

What was that?

Hindi ko maintindihan ang ipinupunto ni Zion sa akin kanina. I didn’t like Rhaegar. I haven’t feel anything for him…yet. Because I’m trying to stop myself. And I think that’s the least thing I can do to protect myself. Whatever Zion wants me to do, I will trust him. If that’s for my own good sake like what he’s saying, then I will.

Ipinatong ko ang dalawa kong siko sa ibabaw ng folder na kanina ay binabasa ko. Marahan kong hinilot ang aking sintido dahil sa mga nangyayari. I feel stressed at my damn work and now, Zion’s remark keeps on bugging my mind.

I continued what I’m doing na nahinto lang kanina nang dumating si Zion. I hardly tried to focus and concentrate on my work.

When I felt like my head is aching ay sumandal ako sa aking upuan at hinilot muli ang sentido. I felt my stomach growled.

Napahawak ako sa aking tiyan at tiningnan ang oras na nasa aking palapulsuhan. Pasado ala-una na ng tanghali. And I haven’t eaten anything yet kaya nananakit na ang ulo ko.

I get my phone to just order food. Bumalik muli ako sa ginagawa habang wala pa ang pagkaing in-order ko.

And when someone knocks on my door ay agad akong huminto dahil ginugutom na talaga ako. Binuksan ko ang pintuan at nakita kong ito ang in-order ko.

Napangiti ako sa delivery boy na agad ibinigay sa akin ang order. Nang umalis na siya at isasarado ko na sana ang aking pintuan nang may marinig akong humabol.

“Miss Ria!”

Napasilip ako sa labas ng aking pintuan at nakita ang isang waitress ng company na may tulak tulak na service trolley.

Napatingin ito sa hawak kong paper bag. “Ah, ito raw po ’yung pagkain niyo.” Anito sa akin.

Napatingin naman ako ro’n at pinangunotan siya ng noo. “Saan daw galing?” I asked dahil hindi naman ako tumawag sa cafeteria.

“Sabi po ng head chef ay sa inyo ko raw po i-deliver.” Naiilang nitong sabi marahil siguro sa tinging ibinibigay ko sa kaniya.

Nag-aalangan pa ako kung tatanggapin ko dahil may in-order na nga akong pagkain. Pero sa huli ay ipinapasok ko rin at ipinahain sa dining table ko.

Naupo ako sa lamesa at pinagmasdan ang sangkaterba na pagkaing nakahain ngayon sa lamesa ko. It was all look delicious that tempt me to grab it all. Kaya nang maglaway ay inumpisahan ko na ang pagkain.

Whoever gave this to me, I’m thankful. I liked it all at nabusog ako niyon. Hindi pa naman na ako nakakapag-gym nitong mga nakaraang araw kaya hindi na ako magugulat kung tumaas na ang aking timbang.

Nng matapos ako sa pagkain ay bumalik muli ako sa pagtatrabaho. Inabot na ako ng pasado alas-siete ng gabi at hindi makapaniwalang halos natapos ko lahat. May iilan nalang akong hinihintay sa printer para mailagay ko na iyon sa folder.

I decided na bukas ko nalang iyon ipapasa sa opisina ni Rhaegar dahil mukhang hindi ko rin naman mabubuhat ang lahat ng ito.

I went home that night after I arranged the folders and papers. I was so exhausted that day that I haven’t eaten my dinner.

Kinabukasan ay maaga akong pumasok para maihatid sa office ni Rhaegar ang mga natapos kong trabaho kahapon.

When I got inside his office ay walang tao roon. Inilapag ko sa lamesa niya ang sangkaterbang folders na pinaghirapan kong tapusin kahapon.

“Dito mo nalang ilagay, Jhon,” I said to him. Nakita ko siya kanina na napadaan sa opisina ko kaya nagpatulong na ako sa kaniya sa pagdala nito rito.

Hindi na rin ako nagtagal sa opisina ni Rhaegar dahil hindi ko rin namang gusto na magkita pa kami. He was mad at me at ’yon ang isang bagay na hindi ko maintindihan sa kaniya na nagawa kong intindihin nitong mga nakaraang araw.

Days passed at madalang nalang kaming mag-usap at magkita sa opisina. I sometimes go to his office when I needed especially when he’s having a meeting. I rarely stayed inside his office dahil ayaw ko na rin namang maulit pa yung nakaraang pinalabas niya ako. And that’s one of his rules, he doesn’t want his secretary walking around him.

At sa tuwing magkakaabot kami sa kaniyang opisina, before he talked and say something that made me feel frightened ay inuunahan ko na siya na aalis na ako at babalik na ng opisina ko.

I survived a week staying in my office and at the conference room with him without glaring at him in the eyes. Hindi ko alam pero natatakot ako sa tuwing tatama sa akin ang kaniyang seryoso at matatalim na tingin. Unlike before na nagagawa ko pang tagalan.

His glares were different this time. It was now intense and extremely menacing that I can’t seize to look at.

I opened the door of his office. I got here because he called me to attend his office this early in the morning.

Nakita ko siya sa madalas niyang pwesto. He was standing at the back of his table near the glass wall that having a view of the buildings outside. His hands were in his pockets as he stands proudly there.

His broad shoulder and lean back were my views of him. Tahimik akong naglakad at tinungo ang tapat ng kaniyang lamesa.

I didn’t speak and just wait for him to start the conversation. I was here because of work and nothing further.

“Have a seat,” I heard him murmured then suddenly faced my way.

Nagbaba ako ng tingin at hindi siya tiningan. “Thank you, Mr. Sullivan but I won’t stay here for long.” Tangi kong ani.

Nakita kong marahan siyang naglakad patungo sa gawi ko at ramdam ko ang masinsinan nitong pagtitig sa akin.

“I have a board meeting this afternoon, I want it to be postponed.” His large deep voice said.

“Okay, when will you want it to reschedule, Mr. Sullivan?” I asked him, nananatiling nasa baba pa rin ang paningin ko.

I saw him in my peripheral vision looked away. “Possibly on the other day,”

“Alright,” I uttered then bowed a bit at him then I went out of his office.

Madalas na gano’n ang ginagawa ko para hindi na rin magtagal pa kapag naramdaman kong wala naman na siyang iba pang sasabihin o ipag-uutos sa akin.

I went out of the elevator after a long day. Hindi gaya nung mga nakaraang araw ay hindi na ganoon katambak ang mga nagkakapalang folders na ginagawa ko sa maghapon. After that hectic day ay nasundan iyon ng sumunod na araw hanggang kinabukasan niyon.

Muntik ko pa ngang isipin na malaki ang atraso ko kay Rhaegar dahil tatlong araw na sunod sunod ako nitong tinambakan ng gabundok na tatrabahuhin. Hindi naman ako nagreklamo dahil wala akong karapatan. He’s still my boss.

I went to the parking and get inside my car. Nang makauwi ako ng condo at nasa kwarto ko na ay kinuha ko ang aking phone dahil naalala kong narinig kong tumutunog iyon kanina sa sasakyan ko habang nagmamaneho ako kaya hindi ko nabigyang pansin.

I sat on my bed at hinubad ang stilettos ko. Nang makita ko ang maraming missed call ni Sofi sa’kin ay pinlano kong tawagan nalang siya kung bakit. But when I saw her newly sent message ay agad ko itong binasa.

From: Sofia

On my way to your condo. We’re going out to the club tonight! So wear your party wild dress and make yourself chill for tonight. Pronto!

Napangisi naman ako sa message niya. Ang tagal na rin nang huling punta namin ng club o kahit bar. The last time we go to the club is where Tommen almost harassed me.

Tumayo na ako at tinungo ang bathroom ng aking kuwarto. I took a quick bath and went to my closet to find a dress for tonight.

Na-excite naman ako nang makita ang mini black slip dress ko na hindi ko pa nasusuot. I get it and wear it promptly.

I sat on my vanity and put my make-up on. Light lang ang nilagay kong make up dahil as much as I can I want it to be looked natural on me.

I curled the tips of my hair a bit to highlight the waves of my hair. I let it flowed down at the back of my head and didn’t put it in a pony. I get my silver clutch pursed and went out of my room when I get contented to myself.

Saktong nagsusuot ako ng aking heels ay narinig kong may kumakatok sa aking pintuan.

“Sandali!” I shouted dahil inaayos ko pa ang strap ng suot kong black heels. Nang matapos ay agad na tinungo ko ang pintuan para buksan iyon.

“Oh my gosh, Ria. We’re going to the club and not on a date!” She whined noisily as he went inside my house.

Napakunot naman ako ng noo. “What are you saying? Mukha bang pang date ’tong suot ko?”

Ngumuso siya at saka ako mapanuyang nginitian.

“You’re gorgeous, Ria, okay? You looked like an innocent wild woman in that mini dress and I’m pretty much sure that lots of men in the club will try to hit on you. Ayoko ng gulo kaya make sure to avoid commotions, Ria.” Nagbabanta ang boses nito sa akin.

Napangisi naman ako. The last time happened at the bar was Tommen. But before Tommen, back then nang hindi ko pa siya nagiging boyfriend ay madalas na may mag-away sa bar or club na pinupuntahan namin. I don’t know if it because of me but every time that happens, Sofi will immediately pull me out of the crowd like I’m the cause of it. Kaya siguro nang kami na ni Tommen ay kahit isang beses ay hindi na ako nito pinayagang magpunta ng club.

“Okay, fine. I promise.” I said to make her say yes, then she sighed.

“Fine, let’s go!”

I smiled at that. We go down in the basement and we decided na sasakyan nalang niya ang gagamitin namin papuntang club.

“Sofi, daan muna tayo ng resto, hindi pa ’ko nagdi-dinner e,” I informed her while her eyes focused on the road, driving.

“Oh? Sigi,”

We dropped by sa isang resto. Hindi rin naman ako nagtagal at halos salad lang rin ang in-order ko dahil hindi ko rin naman planong magpakabusog. Sofi was just sitting in front of me as I finished the last spoon of my food.

Tumayo na rin kami pagkatapos kong bayaran ang bill. Nang makarating kami sa parking lot ng Valkyrie Nightclub at The Palace ay hindi na rin kami nagtagal doon at pumasok na ng club.

I didn’t know where this excitement is coming from nang makapasok kami sa loob. Maybe I missed this kind of night together with Sofi.

“Saan tayo?” I asked Sofi loudly nang makapasok kami dahil sa lakas ng music sa loob.

She was in front of me giggling and smiling at me like an idiot, dancing with the wild beat of the music.

“Sa mga lounge tayo, dito lang din sa ground floor! I made us a reservation for tonight so come on!” Sigaw nitong sabi upang marinig ko.

The dancefloor was crowded nang dumaan kami papuntang table namin. The different colors of lights were like lacers pointing in different places. The people look like they are on high because of the loud music that they are moving with.

Nang makaupo kami ni Sofi sa table namin ay agad siyang naghanap ng waiter for the drinks. Nang tumingin naman ako sa paligid ay napansin kong maraming tao ngayon at halos puno na ang ground floor at parang ganoon rin sa second floor.

When the drinks are served, Sofi handed me one of the tequila then we bumped our glass and say cheers.

“Yes, girl! Loosen up!” She cheered after I drink another shot of tequila. This was my third shot and Sofi too!

Hindi na namin namalayan na nakakailang glass na pala kami dahil nalilibang kami sa malakas na sound sa paligid. We are busy catching up and also laughing at someone who’s looking like a crazy woman dancing on the dancefloor.

“Hey,” nakangiti ako nang bumaling sa lalaking kumuha ng atensyon namin mayamaya.

Napakurap kurap pa ako dahil parang namumukhaan ko siya.

“Lance?” I said in surprise when I remember him.

Nang bumaling naman ako kay Sofi ay may mapaglarong ngiti sa kaniyang labi ang bumungad sa akin.

“Eleftheria, Sofia, how are you both doing? Long time no see, huh.” Lance said as he sat beside me. Si Sofi ay nasa harapan ko. Umusad ako para bigyan ng distansya ang pagitan naming dalawa.

“Kaya nga, you changed. You look more manly now.” Sofi replied at him.

Then Lance chuckled boyishly beside me. “That’s the thing, it’s just a matter though. Kayo rin naman, you’re both beautiful as hell. Damn.” He then complimented us.

My lips protruded. Lance is our college friend. He tried to court me before but I said no to him because I know that he’s a big playboy that loves playing around.

“Lalo ka na, Ria.” Ani pa nito sa akin.

I was about to wince when we both heard Sofi shrieked.

“You know what, you two, I think I better leave now. Alangan namang ako lang ang walang date tonight. Enjoy, Ri! Dito lang ako,” Sofi exclaimed with a hint on ber voice, then went to the dancefloor without looking back.

May sasabihin pa sana ako sa kaniya kaso ay nakaahiya na ito. At bago ko pa maibuka ang aking bibig ay nagsalita na ang katabi ko.

“So…do you have a boyfriend?” Tanong ni Lance sa akin. Tumagilid siya at mas lalong humarap sa pwesto ko. Ipinatong nito ang ang kaniyang kanang braso sa likod ng sofang inuupuan ko.

“Wala. Ikaw ba, do you have a girlfriend?” I asked him back para naman may mapag-usapan kahit na hindi rin ako interesadong makausap siya.

I saw him licked and bit his lower lips. “Wala rin, I’m single and finding someone to cuddle.”

I creased my forehead then I let a laugh after he said that. “What?” Natatawa rin niyang tanong sa akin nang mapansing masyado akong natuwa ron.

He’s handsome and I give that to him. He’s tall and has a very nice body. He’s almost perfect but…

“You? Finding someone to cuddle with? I don’t believe you. No way.” I said in disbelief. Hindi na rin niya napigilang matawa rin ng bahagya.

He licked his lower thin lips again before he spoke. It was distracted me every time he did that!

“No, you should. I’m really finding someone to cuddle. Anyway, enough of cuddles, do you want to dance?” Tanong niya sa akin kalaunan.

Ang mga mata niya ay mapilit akong tinitingnan na para bang dapat na sumayaw na ako kasama siya.

Hindi naman na ako nag-alangan pa at inalalayan niya akong tumayo. His hand snaked on the other side of my waist when I tripped.

“Careful, Ria.” He mumbled just over my ear.

Natatawa ko naman siyang tiningnan at bahagyang inilayo ang sarili sa kaniya ngunit nang muntik na naman akong matumba ay mas himigpit ang hawak nito sa akin.

Shit, I’m not yet drunk. I’m just tipsy okay! Ikaw ba naman ang sunod sunod na bigyan ng shot ng tequila ni Sofi, tingnan natin kung hindi ka mahilo.

Kumapit na ako sa braso ni Lance para mas mapadali ako sa paglalakad.

Nang makababa na kami sa dance floor ay pakiramdam ko ay mabibingi ako. The music boomed on the whole place. And all the people on the dancefloor were getting wilder as the loud beat of music doomed.

Bumunggo sa aking katawan si Lance ng may bumunggong mga sumasayaw sa kaniyang likuran.

“Sorry,” he said.

“No, it’s fine,”

He licked his lower lips again, oh god it’s like his tempting me.

Then he started dancing in front of me. Hindi ko na rin mapigilan ang sarili kong sumabay sa loud beat ng music. It was like you’re being soothed by it and made your body moved kahit na hindi ka naman talaga marunong sumayaw.

As I gently moved my body I felt Lance’s hands held my waist. Napatingin ako ron at saka kalaunan ay tiningnan siya. He looked at me darkly then bite his now red thin lips.

His features were like an angel but every time his eyes darkened it’s like he’s hypnotizing me. He pulled me more closer to him. Hanggang sa dumikit ang kaniyang katawan sa aking dibdib.

Nakatingala ako sa kaniya habang siya naman ay nakayuko sa akin upang maglapat ang aming mga tingin.

I can feel his hot breath touching my cheeks. It smells alcohol that made me looked away. I felt my body still moving with the beat, so as he.

My eyes hooded when his both hands were now hugging my waist. He slowly moved his head down to my face, nearing for a kiss.

His thin lips parted when I took a glance at it but when my eyes caught the second floor I almost stop from breathing.

There was a man standing just behind the railings, having a glass of drink in his hand. His glares were menacing and those set of deep dark eyes that I haven’t seen for a week were narrowed directly on me.

Napayuko ako dahilan para hawakan ni Lance ang aking panga. “Hey, what’s wrong?” Lance asked me softly. Halted from the kiss we are about to do.

I just shooked my head. Rhaegar is watching me intently on the second floor! And for goodness sake, my heart throbs rapidly.

Nang sinubukan kong mag-angat muli ng tingin sa taas ay nakita kong wala na siya don. But I’m really sure that it was him I saw.

“I-I want to go back on my lounge.” Biglaan kong ani kay Lance nang makaramdam ako ng kaba.

Nagulat ako nang maramdaman kong mas humigpit ang kapit nito sa aking balakang.

What is he doing? I need to go.

“Lance, remove your hands. I have to go.” Nawawalan na ng gana kong sabi sa kaniya.

“No, Ria. I’m enjoying it, aren’t you?” He asked me, his voice was like he’s drunk or what.

I gulped. Nang mag-angat muli ako ng tingin sa second floor para tingnan kung nandoon si Rhaegar ay gulat akong makita si Zion at Theron na mukhang may hinahanap. Their brows furrowed as if they are having a problem. Nag-usap pa ang dalawa at saka naghiwalay kalaunan. Where are they going?

Napakislot ako ng maramdaman ang hininga ni Lance sa aking leeg. Hindi magkamayaw sa malakas na pagkabog ang aking dibdib na sinasabayan ng dumadagundong na tugtog sa paligid.

“Lance, lumayo ka nga.” I pushed him now dahil hindi niya pa rin ako pinapakawalan. Pero masyadong mahigpit ang hapit nito sa aking baywang.

I felt his nose tracing my neck upward through my jaw like he was smelling me.

Ang dalawang kamay ko ay nasa kaniyang dibdib na at tinutulak siya.

“Lanced, what the hell! Let go of me! Layuan mo ako!” I exclaimed to him, shocked and scared now when I remember Tommen’s face flashed in my mind the night when he tries to get under me.

Lance then looked at me in the eye. Nagsalubong ang dalawa kong mga kilay nang makitang iba ang mga mata niyang nakatingin sa akin ngayon at hindi na gaya ng kanina.

His eyes glaring at me with unknown desire. I pushed him to get away from his hold but he just pulled me more.

“Lance, please let go!” Natatakot ko ng sigaw at pagtulak sa kaniya para bumitiw na siya mula sa pagkakahawak sa akin.

Kaso ay kahit pa sumigaw ako rito ay siya lang ang makakarinig sa akin. The loud beat of the music filled the whole place and no one will recognize us here. Even my loud voice will be just flooded by the loud noise of music.

“Come on, Ria. I know you’re tempted. What’s wrong now? Kanina naman ay ramdam kong gusto mo na rin.” He mumbled that give me chills.

“Lance, you’re getting it wrong-”

“Fuck off, you bastard.” The cold and extremely deep large voice threatened just behind my back. Then Lance immediately pushed away from me.

Lance’s mouth dropped open while his hands removed from the tight hold on my waist. He was shocked but when he saw the man who pushed him away, I caught how his eyes frightenedly gaze at the man behind me.

Oh gosh. I’m doomed.

Kabanata 10

Kabanata 10

Subtle

“Rhaegar,” Lance said like he was a bit surprised and stunned when Rhaegar pushed him away.

Nakatagilid naman akong nakapagitna sa kanilang dalawa. Nang bumaling ako kay Rhaegar ay matalim lang ang mga mata nitong nakatitig kay Lance.

“Hey dude, you’re getting it too serious. What’s up? Tired with your cousins?” Lance then asked him but I sense the mockery in there, seems like he immediately copes up from the sudden frightened he has earlier.

Rhaegar’s jaw moved. Nagugulat akong nag-angat ng tingin kay Lance nang biglang sakupin nitong muli ang aking baywang. He pulled me closer to him. Our bodies were bumping.

Hinawakan ko naman ang kamay na iyon ni Lance at pilit na inalis.

Rhaegar’s brows furrowed and his eyes darken intensely as he glared at Lance’s hands on my waist. I bit my lower lips. Scared of what is happening. I know Rhaegar and he is hot-headed. Lance tried to mock him while I’m still standing here just watching them intently while I’m trying to removed Lance’s hand.

“Lance, ano ba! Bitiwan mo nga ako.” I pushed him but he just doesn’t let me go.

“Ria, we are enjoying, come on.”

“Leave her alone.” Rhaegar’s cold voice dripped on me.

Nakita ko kung paanong mangunot ang noo ni Lance. While Rhaegar eyes narrowed in the grave as he glares at him. He’s on the rage that he doesn’t even think rationally and I got terrified by it.

At nang humakbang si Rhaegar palapit sa amin ay hindi ko na napigilang kalasin ang kamay ni Lance sa aking baywang. Nang tuluyan akong makawala ay gano’n din kabilis na humandusay si Lance sa dancefloor.

It was swift, Rhaegar’s punched his face in a matter of seconds.

Nasapo ko ang bibig ng makitang may tumutulong dugo sa bibig at ilong ni Lance na marahang tinatayo ang sarili. His lips parted as he smirks at Rhaegar’s way.

“Damn, you really hit me hard.” Then Lance suddenly tried to hit him but then Rhaegars kicked him, which made him fall to the ground for the second time.

The crowds were now watching us. The loud beat of music continuously sounding, making my heartbeats flared. Rhaegar glances in my way and his menacing eyes caught me.

Lance was still on the floor and looked like he’s unconscious this time. Some of his friends in the crowd noticed that it was him and frightenedly lift him.

Ang kaninang mataong dance floor ay ngayon halos kalahati ay nahawi at gumilid dahil sa nangyari. The congested spot where I’m dancing earlier was now spacious.

Rhaegar’s jaw clenched as he slowly walked towards my way. Kita ko ang galit sa nagpupuyos nitong mga mata na sa akin ang tuon.

I felt my knees tremble. I haven’t been this scared before. His lips were in a grim line as his brows furrowed, chest moving up and down like he was panting because of his madness.

Namilog ang mata ko habang nakatingin sa kaniya. My heart thumped abruptly. His glare became darker each second passed.

Nanginginig ang mga kamay kong tumalikod at naglakad paalis. I didn’t care about the people’s glares. Nahinto lang ako nang makasalubong ko si Zion at Theron na may seryosong mga matang nakatitig sa akin.

Umiling ako sa takot at nilagpasan silang dalawa.

“Ria, where you going?” I heard Zion asked me pero nagpatuloy lang ako sa paglalakad patungo sa table namin kanina. But before I even get my clutched on our table I felt a strong arm lifted me in the air.

I shrieked as my heartbeat slammed inside my chest, wildly. I grip Rhaegar’s nape to hold on dahil takot na mahulog.

His big and strong arms were on my back and the other one was on my legs. Carrying me carefully. Mabilis niya akong nabuhat at naglakad palabas ng club.

“What the hell are you doing? Ibaba mo nga ako!” I fired as he walked outside, lifting me.

The people we encounter bago makalabas ng club ay nakatingin sa amin. Their eyes were fixated on me and I can’t take it.

“Rhaegar, ibaba mo na ako.” Mahinang sambit ko sa kaniya habang iniyuko ang ulo sa kaniyang dibdib para itago ang sarili sa mga matang sa akin nakatuon.

He didn’t say a thing. Halos lumabas na ang puso ko sa kaba ng iangat ako nito ng bahagya at iayos ang paraan ng pagkakabuhat nito sa akin. I shrieked a bit.

Tumahimik ako at hindi na nagprotesta pa nang matantong mukhang wala akong magagawa. He can’t let me down. Kaya mas hinigpitan ko ang kapit ko sa kaniyang batok at mas isiniksik ang aking mukha sa kaniyang leeg nang marinig ang ilang bulungan ng mga tao.

Why is he doing this? He shouldn’t have done this, the crowds will feast about the girl who he was. He should just let me at the dancefloor.

He is mad at me, right? Kaya nga isang linggo na kaming hindi nagkakausap ng matino.

But then I realize if he didn’t come, baka kung ano nalang ang ginawa sa akin ni Lance. But Rhaegar’s glared sents shivered on my nervous system. That my sight will just automatically be looked away from his cold stares. Hindi ko matagalan iyon at nakakatakot pagmasdan.

There’s a wave of flaming raw anger on it. At nang sa akin bumaling ang dalawang mata niyang nagbabaga ay hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin.

He’s like a wildfire that I can’t prevent from flaming. It just keeps on flaming the more I took a stare at it, the more my glance stays longer. He’s like a beast that will burst anytime soon and no one can cease him.

Nag-angat lang ako ng tingin sa kaniya nang maramdamang lumamig na ang paligid. Nasa labas na kami ngayon at nakita kong nasa parking lot na kami.

Nang subukan kong tingnan siya sa mga mata ay agad akong napaiwas. Natatakot akong titigan siya. Hindi ko maipaliwanag ang halo-halong kaba at takot ko para sa kaniya.

I heard him open his car and smoothly put me down there. It was in the front passenger seat. Nakayuko lang ako at namimilipit ng mga daliri kong hindi mapakali sa presensya niya. I didn’t look at him.

He’s a beast. He’s a monster that I cannot take to have. Nakakatakot at nakakapanghina. Sa ilang araw kong pag-iwas sa kaniya at hindi pagsulyap sa kaniyang mga mata ay pakiramdam ko ay normal ako.

But now that his dark menacing glares darted, smitten me.

He was leaning a bit and leveling are glares. His other hand was on the upper part of my backrest. Ang lapit naming muli sa isa’t isa. Nararamdaman ko ang talim ng mga mata niyang tumutusok sa akin kahit na hindi pa ako nag-aangat sa kaniya ng mga mata.

“Aiden,” his humid voice made me bit my lower lips harshly when he spoke after a long silence.

I’m scared of him. I feel like he’s going to hunt me down every time his eyes caught me.

My lips trembled when his calloused hands held my shoulders. In my sudden response, I pushed him and harshly removed his hands away from me.

“H-Huwag mo ’kong hawakan.” Nanghihina kong sinabi. Takot at hindi gusto ang presensyang ibinigigay niya sa akin.

Napaatras siya pero nananatiling madilim ang tingin sa akin. Umusad din ako para lumayo sa kaniya. I have no more space here inside his car to move on, and he is on the door blocking my way, closing our distance together.

Why is he like this? Is he shattering my mind? Or he is just playing my innocence?

Nang gabing ’yon na nag dinner kami ay alam kong may iba siyang interest, but then the next day he’s mad at me. I don’t get him. And now after that happened I hardly tried to ignore and not minding him ay biglang ganito na naman ang pinapakita niya. I really can’t fully understand him.

He is showing me things that tousle my head and now it’s driving me crazily. Bakit niya ba ako ginugulo? I don’t want heartbreak anymore but he’s giving me more than that.

“R-Rhaegar please, I want to leave.” Umamba akong tatayo mula sa pagkakaupo ngunit agad siyang humarang sa hamba ng pinto. He crouched, making more nearer and closer. Sa pagkakataong ito ay binakuran na niya ang aking magkabilang gilid, wala na ’kong kawala ngayon.

Matiim at nagtatangis ang kaniyang bagang na nakatitig sa aking mga mata nang sulyapan ko siya. Nagbaba ako ng tingin nang hindi ko matagalan ’yon. Sobrang lapit ng mukha namin sa isa’t isa that I can feel his hot breath on my neck. I notice that my thighs were parted and he’s on the inner of it. I can almost felt his clothes on my skin.

Malakas at walang paglagyan ang bilis ng tahip ng aking dibdib. Mas lalo pang gumalabog iyon nang maramdaman kong marahan niyang haplusin ang aking mukha gamit ang kanan niyang kamay.

It gives me the vibe of that night. The night that he tries to hide me from Tommen and Brianna. But now is different. He was glaring at me differently. His sharp gravely eyes bore in softness and gentleness to mine this time.

Ang kaninang mga mata niyang hindi ko matagalang pagmasdan ay naging maamo at malambot na ngayong nakatunghay sa akin habang malamyos na hinahaplos ang aking pisngi.

“Don’t go, please, stay.” He said hoarsely.

My lips parted in awe when I felt his calloused palm caressed my face. Hinawakan ko ang kamay niyang humahawak sa aking mukha.

Seryoso at nanlulumo ang mga mata niyang nakatitig sa akin ngayon. His furrowed brows are gone, it’s now shot up and just tamely rests.

“Are you scared of me?” He then asked with an excruciating dripped in his voice.

Nagbaba ako ng tingin at nag-angat muli ng tingin sa kaniya at marahang tumango.

“I’m sorry, for getting mad at you. I’m sorry if I scared you.” Nangungusap ang dalawang mata niyang hindi iniwanan ang aking mga tingin.

I sighed and gulped hard. “W-Why are you mad at me? W-Where fine that night, what is wrong?” I asked him softly.

I saw his eyes dripped down on my parted lips.

“I don’t want to rush you. I feel like I’m being smooth that night. I’m scared that I might frighten you.”

Marahan kong pinisil ang kaniyang kamay na humahawak sa aking pisngi.

“You still frightened me,” I said as I felt my throat run dry.

He licked his lower lips. “I’m sorry if I did, baby,”

The loud heartbeats I’m having earlier stop for a second and brought back, throbbing unstoppable this time.

He leaned and crouched as his eyes drowned at my lips. My eyes shut automatically when I felt his thin luscious lips in mine that I desired almost every day.

His lips moved until I felt him sucking my lower lips. He kissed me thoroughly that I can’t almost find a way to breathe. Humiwalay siya nang matantong lumalalim na ang aming mga halik.

Namumungay ang matalim nitong mga matang nakatunghay sa akin. Bumaba ang tingin niya sa labi ko at marahan iyong hinawakan. His index finger softly caressed it then looked at me like he is on fire. I can see his desire and lust in his menacing set of deep eyes.

Lumayo siya sa akin at kalaunan ay isinarado ang pintuan ng kaniyang sasakyan. Kinagat ko ang pag-ibaba kong labi nang pumasok siya sa loob at mabilis iyong pinaandar paalis ng club.

I didn’t speak or said anything. Tahimik at seryoso lang siyang nagmamaneho at diretsong nakatingin ang mga mata sa daan.

Hindi ko alam kung anong mangyayari sa amin ngayon. I just watched him drive me home.

His jaw moved as he parked the car in the parking lot. Nag-iiwas ako ng tingin sa tuwing babaling siya sa akin.

Wala akong ideya kung dahil ba sa halik na ’yon kanina kaya ako naiilang o dahil sa hiya na nagtanong pa ako sa kaniya kung bakit.

Sabay kaming naglakad papasok ng elevator at walang umiimik ni isa sa aming dalawa. Tahimik lang akong nakabagsak ang mga mata sa sahig nang sumarado na ang pintuan.

But when my eyes lifted, I saw his eyes narrowed at me darkly on our reflection of the elevator. My mouth parted dramatically as I saw him licked and bit his lower lips, sensually.

Then I was taken aback when he unexpectedly pushed me to the wall, kissing me, and gripping my hands up high like I’m his prisoner.

It was intense and unbreathable kissed. I parted my lips as he sucked and nipped my mouth. I kissed him back and tried to equal his aggressive kisses. His tongue inwardly flicked inside my mouth, and a soft moan escaped my mouth.

Hawak ng isa niyang kamay ang dalawa kong kamay na nakapako sa itaas ng aking uluhan. Wala akong magawa at tanging mahihinang ungol lang ang pinapakawalan ng aking bibig sa bawat dampi ng kaniyang mga labi sa akin.

His hot kisses feel like it was ecstasy. It makes me feel high that I already lose my sanity. His lips taste so good, I tasted the alcohol he had drunk at the club earlier. Naliliyo at nilalasing rin ako niyon.

And when I felt his hand crawling at my back ay hindi ko na mapigilan ang mga paru-parong kumikislot sa aking sikmura na gustong kumawala. I felt my stomach churning and there’s a heat that started to burn up the hell inside of me.

“R-Rhaegar…” I moaned his name when his hand skillfully get inside of my dress.

My mouth dropped in small o when I feel his fingers touch my sensitive clit. I was throbbing and extremely hot down there.

It sends me tingles down my spine that making me more lost in the wild.

His kisses crawled down on my neck as he continued teasing my folds. I arched my back and careened my neck to give him more access to it as I lift my eyes making my pupils gone as he slowly savored how he’s good at nibbling my neck.

Binitiwan niya ang dalawang kamay ko na awtomatikong napakapit sa kaniyang leeg. The elevator opened and he didn’t stop kissing me, we didn’t stop kissing each other. My breath hitched when he cupped my butt, slapped it a bit that gives me pain in tingles of sensation. He lifts me outside the elevator.

My thighs straddled his body and I bit my lower lips harshly when I felt him squeezed my butt. Naliliyo at nawawala ako sa aking sarili.

Halos paradarag niya akong isinandal sa pintuan matapos niyang maisarado iyon. He then continued kissing me hungrily like he will never get contented with it.

Napatingala ako nang bumaba ang halik nito sa aking panga pababa sa aking leeg. Habol ang hininga at naging mabilis ang tahip ng aking dibdib. I felt so hot and lost in the wilderness of this sensational feeling. My mind blows by the wind of the unknown like I was brought into paradise.

Umakyat siya ng hagdan habang buhat buhat ako. Nang makapasok kami sa isang kuwarto ay do’n ko na tuluyang nawala ang sarili. The room was dark and all my senses have gone when he put me down on his bed.

It was brisk as he unclasped my bra. He pulled it out of my dress as I struggle to hold the hem of his shirt and remove it. But he does it for me. His chiseled chest and iron-packed abs revealed as he undressed me.

When I took a glance at him I saw his eyes hooded with carnal and erotic desire as his eyes tracing every part of me.

My dress was now gone in darkness as my upper body get naked, revealing my breast and hardened peaks, but my lower body is still wearing the small thin cloth that covering my sensitive folds.

Tinulak niya ako dahilan para tuluyan ng bumagsak ang aking katawan sa kama. He crawled and place himself in between my parted legs. I’m undressed when he reached for my jaw and back to my mouth for another erotic kiss.

He sucked and bite my lower lips as our tongues fought on their battlefield. And when his hot kisses went down on my jaw, I careened my neck. It gives me unfamiliar tickles that made me left my breath. Then when his mouth decided to crawl down on my collar bones and deepen his hot kisses in between my mounds.

Napapikit ako niyon, but what makes me shut my eyes emphatically is when his hot wet mouth sucked my peaks. I was dropped in big O when he continuously flickered his tongue and nibbling my healthy mounds, while his other hand mashing and playing the hardened peaks of my other boob. He then does it vice versa to my other one as his eyes darkened as he watched me started to lose my sanity.

His hand then left my other boob and crawled down on my churning abdomen. He was drawing and tracing lines there that sent tickles on my body. Then, later on, I felt how his fingers immediately get slip under my undies and move on my sensitive slit. Napaliyad ako at malakas na napasinghap nang mapaglarong haplusin niya ang aking kaselanan.

“Fuck, your dripping wet baby.” He huskily said.

Hinaplos niya ako ron at hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili kong mapasinghap sa sarap na hinahatid niyon sa akin. Hinabol niya ang aking mga labing abala sa paghabol ng aking hininga at hindi na hinayaan pang kumawala mula sa kaniyang agresibong mga halik.

My mouth dropped open when his finger slowly entering inside of me. I felt an excruciating pain but he was so gentle and careful in putting his finger on me. I growled the moment I feel the tingling sensation that replaces the minor pain he was giving me when he started moving his hand over time.

“Uhh, Rhaegar,” The sweet moan escaped my mouth when I realized how good it was.

His hot wet kisses went down on my jaw, down to my neck until it reaches my healthy bosom. He then gripped my other boob as he slowly moving his fingers inside of me. He sucked and nibble my hardened peaks and all I can do was to arched my back and let myself find a way to catch air to breathe.

Nawawala na ako sa aking sarili nang bumilis ang pag-ulos ng kaniyang daliri sa aking kaselanan. I bit my lips to stop myself from moaning but I just can’t help it because of the pleasure it was giving me.

I flinched when he entered another digit, moving it like it was a credit card he would withdraw and enter again.

It was superb that I can’t get to think about such things and all I have in my mind is to just get lost in it.

Mahigpit kong nilamukos ang bedsheet nang maramdamang may kumikiliti sa aking sikmura at para bang may lalabas na sa aking kaibuturan.

I careen my neck sideways, while Rhaegar is continuously flickering his tongue and nibbling my healthy mounds, and intently watching me, losing all my sanity.

“R-Rhaegar, I feel something, uhh,” I said trying hard to speak in between his fasten movements of his fingers.

I feel like I’m on the verge when he stops moving it. I looked at him wearily in anticipation.

“Not that quick, baby,” he hoarsely muttered.

I watched him kiss and bit my skin down to my abdomen. Napaliyad ako sa kiliting idinulot niyon sa akin. Pakiramdam ko ay lumulutang ako sa sarap ng pakiramdam ng kaniyang malamyos na pagdampi ng kaniyang mga labi sa aking katawan.

But my eyes weakened more when I saw him stop kissing me just at the top of my sensitive clit.

He then eyed me piercedly before his hot mouth open and begin to ate my folds like it was the best meal he ever had.

“Rhaegar!” I moaned loudly when I felt his tongue masterly maneuver inside me like it was some kind of sword, never meant to defeat on the battlefield.

Napasabunot ako sa kaniyang buhok at halos ipagduldulan siya sa aking kaselanan sa sarap na idinudulot niyon. Nakatingala at hindi ko alam kung saan ko ibabaling ang aking sarili sa sobrang liyo sa ginagawa niya.

And when he entered his finger as he licked and sucked my sensitive clit, my toes curled and my body squirms because of the synchronized sensation it was brought to me.

“Rhaegar, uhh…” I growled when I felt something familiar inside my stomach started to build up again. It was the feeling like I’m on the verge earlier, the anticipating unknown pleasure I started to burst.

“Let me taste your juices, baby…come for me,” he fasten the pace of his finger and the movements of his tounge that made me lost all my senses.

“Damn it! Rhaegar! Uhh!” I screamed when my orgasm explode.

I tried to pull his hair but I feel too weak to do that. I felt his tongue taste and eat my juices then lifted his glares upon me as he makes me saw him clean and depleted all my releases.

Naliliyo at pagod ang mga mata kong tumingin sa kaniya, habol ang aking hininga mula sa pagsabog ng kaibuturan ko. He then crawled up and kissed me back again, making me taste what I just bust.

I tried to kiss him back. My hands this time were recklessly moving from his chest down to his muscled ripped stomach down to his buckled pants. I touched him there and felt how hard he was.

He groaned when I tried to stroke his member. I then remove his belt but when he noticed that I’m getting it slow he removed it himself and throw it on the floor.

I noticed that I’m wholely naked while he’s still having his pants.

“Are you sure about this, baby?” He asked me when he crouched for a hungry kiss again.

I nodded profusely. I slowly unbuttoned his pants and he removes the rest of it. My mouth parted and my eyes widen when his huge manhood sprang free. It was massive and…long.

He proudly looked at me, eyes drowned with deep and erotic desires. Napaliyad ako nang halikan muli niya ang aking dibdib habang ang isang kamay nito ay minamasahe ang kabila.

I felt his manhood poking my entrance. He was totally and hardly hard when I see and felt him on my own skin. I held the shaft of his manhood that makes him groaned and sucked my hardened peaks.

I grind my body to feel him more in between my inner thighs.

“Rhaegar, I want you,” my voice sounds like I was pleading for him to get in.

“Hmm? What is it, baby?” He asked hoarsely as he continued sucking my nipples.

Napaigtad ako at marahas na kinagat ang aking pang-ibabang labi.

“I-I want you, Rhaegar…”

“Say ’please baby, I want you to bind on me.”

Habol ko ang hininga at pilit na hinahabol ito dahil sa antisipasyong idinudulot niya.

“P-Please baby, I want you to bind on me.” I breathily said and without any further, he suddenly gripped my both hands and clung it on his nape.

He positioned himself between my parted thighs and slowly, I felt him entered himself without any cue.

I then let a long and painful moan while my nails begin to plunge on his back when I felt an excruciating pain that cutting me in a half.

“Fuck! You’re a virgin,” nakita ko kung paano mas lalong dumilim ang kaniyang paningin at umigting ang kaniyang pangang nakatingin sa akin.

Marahang pumatak ang isang butil ng luha sa aking pisngi as he paused himself the moment he entered inside of me. He begins to kiss and sucked my lips, exchanging the pain I am feeling.

I moved my body again even I felt that I’m hurt.

“Don’t move baby, I don’t want you to get hurt. I’m sorry,” he huskily said as his eyes looked in worried but the carnal desires remained.

“No, it’s fine. I can bear it.” I said then moved my hips again but this time he held my waist, stopping me from moving.

“Damn baby, you’re making it hard for me.” He muttered darkly.

I know how much hard he controlled himself by moving against me because I’m gonna be hurt. But how will it get lost if he’s not moving a bit?

“Then l’ll make you more harder, baby,” I said, almost like under my breath.

His eyes darkened and the dimmed can’t define it. I move my hips again until I felt him started rubbing and thrusting himself over me.

“The fuck. You’re so fucking tight, baby.” He cursed under his breath as he slowly begins to fasten his pace.

It was painful at first but as he keeps on moving, it was replaced by pleasure.

I tried to bit my lower lips to stop myself from growling but the pleasure he was giving me was intense that I can’t even let myself stop from groaning. I felt his huge iron-clad manhood reaching the boundaries inside of me. He was like wrecking it by giving me pleasure that is too much to take.

Idiniin at hindi namamalayang bumaon ang aking mga kuko sa kaniyang likuran at mas lalong lumakas ang mga ungol na pinapakawalan ko nang bilisan pa niya ang bawat pag-ulos niya.

He tried to crouch for a kiss as he tightly grips my both thighs. Napahalinghing ako ro’n. And when I felt something inside of me started to build up again I thrust and moved my body with him in unison.

He groaned when our flesh skin bumping to each other, making a noise that they are started to bind one another. Our growls filled the room as his pace became rougher and stronger.

“R-Rhaegar, I t-think I’m coming,”

“Let’s reach the peak together, baby.” He uttered humidly as his breathing hitched and groaned deeply in time.

I felt something inside of me was about to explode, this time it was full and on the verge of haven.

He fastens his pace and rocked himself tougher this time. He was domineering and extremely bold that he was hitting all the right spot.

“Rhaegar,” I called his name as my body near to convulsed in so much pleasure.

And in no time I felt myself quivered, it feels heaven that my mind thinks that I’m flying and lost in paradise.

“Aiden, fuck I’m coming!” The grip of his hands on my thighs tightened as he rocked himself inside of me, doubled than his gait earlier.

He then groaned hardly until I felt him pulled out himself and splatter out his hot liquid in my hollow pit abdomen.

Bumagsak ang katawan niya akin. Pinakukubabawan ako nito habang sabay naming dalawa hinahabol ang aming mga hininga.

We were both panting and our bodies damp in sweat after that long and very adequate movements.

Pagod ang mga mata kong nakadilat nang maramdaman kong haplusin ni Rhaegar ang aking buhok. I saw how his eyes dimmed and how he licked his lower lips. I still feel his manhood on my entrance, still hard.

But I was too weak and exhausted to watched him staring at me. So I shut my eyes as I slowly fell into a doze in so much exhaustion.

“Night baby, I won’t let you go now.”

Kabanata 11

Kabanata 11

Save

Mariing pikit ang una kong ginawa bago unti-unting iminulat ang aking mga mata. My eyes shut a bit, adjusting to the beam of sunlight from the right side of me.

Bumaling ako sa aking tabi at tanging espasyo lang ang tangi kong nakita.

Where is he?

My forehead creased as I tried to move on the bed but I immediately winced when I felt it’s hurt down there. Napatingin ako sa aking katawan. I’m not naked anymore. I am wearing his black boxer shorts and plain white shirt. It’s loose on my body but it’s fine because I feel comfortable with it.

Napakagat labi ako nang maamoy ko ang amoy niya sa akin. It’s his shirt that has his smell. I removed the comforter and tried to put my feet at least on the floor. Ngunit hindi ko talaga maiwasang mapangiwi sa sakit.

Shit. I don’t think I can walk right now. I can even still feel his large friend down on me. And it hurts me big time whenever I tried to part my legs.

Nang hindi ako gumalaw at ipinirmi ang sarili upang mawala ang kirot ay naglibot ang dalawang mata ko sa paligid. Is this his room?

The wall was painted black and also the bedsheet and the pillows are all blacks as the carpet on the floor. The ceiling was different because of its color white. The furniture is in a rustic theme.

This room was screaming in elegance and authority. From the lights that complemented the black room. My lips parted when I saw a plant near the balcony. There is also a small couch near it. It was a very spacious room unlike to mine. Tanaw rin ang nagtatayugang establisyemento sa labas dahil sa glass wall nito.

I took a glance at the balcony, it wasn’t open but the curtains were off. I can see the buildings outside as the sunrise is on. It was a beautiful spot to watch the sunset though but watching a sunrise will be perfect as well.

Nasa top floor nga pala ang unit niya. My eyes looked back on the bed then sighed as I remembered what just happened last night.

I swallowed when I felt my throat run dry. Mabilis ang mga nangyari kagabi. My heart raced as I think of it. Who would even think of it that we will make that kind of stuff? I shooked my head then stood up.

Mabilis akong napangiwi pero hindi na naupong muli dahil gusto ko ng lumabas ng silid para hanapin siya. Nang makalabas ako ng kuwarto ay halos malaglag ang panga ko nang makita ang mahabang hagdanan pababa.

The hell, I’m sore and I’m just enduring the pain while I went out of his room and now seeing these stairs making me gulped so hard and vulnerable.

Nanlulumo akong humawak sa railing at sinubukang bumaba ng hagdan. Mariin akong nakakagat sa aking pang-ibabang labi habang tinitiis ang sakit.

I sighed heavily when I only took three steps. And it’s not that easy so I really need to breathe properly to have myself calmed from pain.

“Fuck, Aiden what are you doing?” His voice immediately registered on my ears as I tried to make another step downstairs.

I halt from lifting my foot for another down step.

He’s downstairs, standing proudly and glaring at me seriously. My eyes from his handsome face crawled down to his hench chest… He was shirtless and he’s only wearing black nylon shorts.

Nagbaba ako ng tingin nang magtama ang aming mga mata. He then immediately walk upstairs.

Nagulat ako nang hawakan niya ang aking dalawang kamay at isinabit iyon sa kaniyang batok at saka sinakop ang dalawang hita at aking likuran.

My lips parted for a shrieked when he lifted me in the air. Mahigpit na humawak sa kaniyang balikat ang aking kanang kamay habang ang kaliwa ko ay nananatili sa kaniyang batok.

He glared at me with his deep-set eyes before he started taking a step downstairs.

Nakaramdam pa ako ng ilang nang maalala ang nangyari sa amin kagabi. I feel awkward about it.

I was watching him intently as he walked, carrying me around. He lifted me and carried me like I was some kind of piece of paper. I look so light to him.

Tahimik lang siya at mukhang walang balak na magsalita.

Then my gazes went down to his stubborn jaw. There’s some thin hair that’s visible on his chin, I want to touch his face but something in my mind is stopping me. His lips were just in line. His deep-set eyes were seriously staring at the steps he’s making.

Hindi magkamayaw ang dalawang mata ko sa pagtitig sa kaniya. Kahit sa dibdib niyang sumasangga sa akin.

“Good morning,” I gritted him out of nowhere.

I bit my lips when I saw how his jaw clenched.

“Morning,” he said in a deep husky voice.

My lips twitched and took my glance away from him nang siya naman ngayon ang tumititig sa akin. Naiilang ako lalo na at sobrang lapit naming dalawa sa isa’t isa.

“Are you sore?” He asked me, hoarsely.

Patungo kaming kusina nang tinanong niya ako niyon.

“Yeah,” I breathily replied, feeling awkward when I remember what just happened last night.

Mataman lang ako nitong tinititigan na nagawa ko namang pantayan. Nakita kong bumaba ang mata nito sa aking labi na mabilis ring bumalik sa aking mga mata.

Huminto siya sa paglalakad at marahan akong ibinaba sa upuan. I put my hand on the marble countertop to support my body as I shift on the gold counter stool. Nananatili namang nasa tabi ko si Rhaegar at nakatayo.

“Magpahinga ka muna, you can rest in my bedroom.” He said at inabot sa akin ang isang baso na mukhang juice ang laman. “Drink this,”

Kinuha ko iyon at saka ko ininom. Bahagya pang namilog ang mata ko nang malasahang grapefruit juice iyon.

“But I have worked…” I probed.

Seryoso ang mga mata nitong bumaling muli sa akin.

“I will take care of that,” anito at naglakad paikot ng countertop.

Hindi ko naman na nahintuan pa ang pag-inom ng grapefruit juice na ginawa nito para sa akin nang matantong naglalakad siyang naka-topless. I feel like I get thirsty every time my eyes examine his body.

He’s immaculately handsome and has a perfectly sculpted body. He’s just so ripped that made me take another sipped on my glass.

Nakatalikod na ito sa akin ngayon at mukhang may niluluto. Ganito ba siya palagi? If yes, I would like to wake up with him every day.

His disheveled hair that made him hotter showed up on me nang humarap ito sa akin.

“Malapit nang matapos ’tong niluluto ko. Are you starving?” He asked in a very low tone.

I blinked first dahil hindi rumirihistro sa akin na totoong ganiyan siya magsalita ngayon. Ibang iba sa masungit, suplado, at mariin nitong tono. He said it in a subtle and very low tone.

“I can wait. May grapefruit juice naman.” Sabay angat ko ng baso kong halos nakalahati ko na pala.

He smiled a little that made my heart skipped a bit. I never saw him smile, ever!

Tumalikod na itong muli at nakita kong patayin niya ang stove.

Unti-unti namang sumilay ang ngiti sa aking mga labi. He’s more handsome when he smiles! He looks dark when he’s being stern, but seeing him smile made me feel like it’s an improvement.

Inilapag niya sa marmol na lamesa ang niluto nitong pagkain. He placed the toasted bread in front of me as he gets the bacon and egg at his back. There is also a vegetable salad and salmon on it.

He raised his both eyebrows when he saw my expression, amazed.

“Did you really made this?” Ani ko, hindi inaalis sa pagkain ang aking paningin.

“Yes, so let’s eat. You want butter?” Tanong nito sa akin na nananatiling nakatayo sa aking harapan mula sa kabilang side ng lamesa.

“Uh, hindi na. Bacon’s will do.”

Tahimik lang kaming kumain at tanging kalansing lang ng kutsilyo ko ang lumilikha ng tunog.

Pakiramdam ko ay ngayon lang din ako tinamaan ng hiya. I’m here in his unit and we have sex last night.

I’m his secretary and he’s my boss. We have no string attached and I just gave in last night.

“I’m…going to the office this morning.” Imporma nito sa akin.

Nang mag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya mula sa aking pinggan ay tumunghay sa akin ang malambot nitong mga mata.

“Papasok na rin ako-”

“No, you have to rest here. I don’t want you to have work when you are sore.” He said like he’s worried.

I bit my lower lip. I feel like my cheeks flushed after what he said. Does he really need to say that word again? It’s his fault anyway. He’s that really big.

“I will call a doctor to have checked on you-” I immediately cutted him off.

“What– no! There’s no need for that. The pain is tolerable, I’m fine.” Ani ko sa kaniya.

Mariin na ngayon ang mga matang nakatitig sa akin ngayon.

“But you’re virgi-”

“And I’m not anymore. I’m fine Rhaegar, there is no need for the doctor to have checked on me.” Nakanguso ko nang sinabi.

I don’t know if I feel shame or awkward being sore because of what happened last night kaya ayaw ko sa ideya niyang magpapunta pa ng doktor para tingnan ako.

“But Aiden, I’m just worried.” Mas lalo akong nahiya sa kaniya dahil pakiramdam ko ay pinamumulahan na ako ng mukha dahil sa sinabi niyang iyon. I cannot glance at him.

“Fine, I won’t because you don’t seem to like the idea. But please baby, just stay here and rest.” He said it in a worried husky large voice.

Nang mag-angat ako ng tingin ay nangungusap ang kaniyang mga matang nakatunghay sa akin.

I just nod my head at him and continued my meal. Does he really need to call me ’baby? For goodness sake, I’m weak at this.

Nang matapos kaming kumain ay niligpit ko ang mga platong pinagkainan namin at akmang tatayo ako para sana tunguhin ang sink nang bigla ako nitong pigilan.

“Ako na, huwag ka na muna masyadong maglakad.” Seryosong anito sa akin.

Kinuha nito sa kamay ko ang mga pinggan at baso at saka dinala sa sink. I watched him washed it and I can’t stop myself from smiling.

Hindi ako makapaniwala na ginagawa niya ang mga simpleng gawain na ito. I mean, he’s like a greek god doing the house chores. His body seems so large on his sink and at the plates, he was rinsing now.

Nang bumaling ito sa akin ay napakagat labi ako para pigilin ang kumakawalang ngiti sa aking labi. He went on me after he dried his hands by the thin cloth. I was slightly shocked when he scooped me again from my seat at the counter stool.

“Rhaegar, ibaba mo ako. Kaya ko namang maglakad.”

Tinapunan lang ako nito ng serysong tingin at saka diretsong naglakad patungong hagdanan ng bahay.

“Let me do this for you,” anito at nakita kong bumagsak ang mga mata nito sa aking dibdib na masyado ng nakadikit sa kaniya.

He’s topless and I haven’t wear any undies. I licked my lips when I realized that he might be sensuous to my peeks.

Napaiwas nalang ako ng tingin sa kaniya at pakiramdam ko ay pulang pula ang buong mukha ko nang maibaba na niya ako sa kaniyang kama.

“Maliligo lang ako, if you want something just call me.”

Tanging tango lang muli ang aking nagawa nang hindi tumitingin sa kaniya. Naramdaman kong maglakad na ito patungong bathroom niya at do’n lang ako nakahinga ng maluwag.

He’s really strange to me. O baka dahil hindi lang talaga ako sanay na ganito ang trato niya sa akin. He is usually grim and stringent. He always glared darkly that intimidates every person no matter who else gets hit.

And I felt good seeing him this way. He just made things clear to me when he shows me a little affection. From his stubborn and cold-hearted personality ever since I got there in his office he has never been this soft with me. He might be showed me his soft side but that was only the night we spend on our dinner and the next day I was absurd by his cold treatment.

Sinabi niyang ayaw niya lang na maramdaman kong minamadali niya ang lahat sa amin. But I never felt that pressure he was saying. All that I know is that he’s cold, he’s humid with every people that surround him.

His deep-set of dark eyes never meant for nothing. Every time I glance at it, I get shivered. I know that he’s never been that person before. He’s maybe strict and calloused as he always be but that’s maybe because he’s having his authority.

Tumayo ako sa kaniyang kama at naglakad patungong balcony. Pero bago pa ako tuluyang makalabas ay nakuha na ng isang malaking painting ang aking paningin.

It was placed at the wall of his room, compeers of his bed. Kaya kung mahihiga o mauupo ka ng kama ay ’yan ang una mong mapapansin dahil katapat lang niya iyon.

Nanliit ang aking mga matang sinuri ang painting. It was painted also in black. The frame is huge at halos isang dipa ata ang laki niyon.

Hinawakan ko ang dulo nito at hinawakan ang painting. It was black but the image is clear. The message and the purpose of it aren’t vague to notice. But maybe because I just get it thoroughly by observing the artwork. It’s kind of abstract.

The canvas was purely detailed that I haven’t missed anything from it. It was an image of a man holding the hand of a woman at the bridge. It was the familiar bridge…the place where I intend to let myself lose my senses and be gone.

Napakunot ako ng noo nang maalala ang litratong nabitiwan ko sa kaniyang opisina noon. It’s also the same image but the only thing that makes this different is that they are holding hands.

Ngunit mas lalong nangunot ang aking noo nang matitigan kong maigi ang dalawang kamay nitong magkahawak. This makes the painting perplexed, it’s not holding. It’s just the tricked of the abstract.

“Aiden,”

Bumaling ako ng tingin kay Rhaegar na nakatayo na pala sa aking likuran. He’s wearing his slim-cut white dres’ shirt with a grey tie and grey trousers sported with his black oxford shoes.

His mint and newly shaved scent filled my nose. He’s glaring at me seriously.

I gave him a small smile. Napatingin siya sa likuran ko, sa painting na kanina’y sinusuri ko.

Then his eyes looked back on me again.

“Aalis ka na?” I asked him.

His lips parted, he licked it before he uttered for words.

“Yes, may magde-deliver ng food mo this afternoon here in my unit, so you wouldn’t have to cook.”

“Okay,” I grumbled.

“Are you comfortable in my room or you want to go back to your condo unit? I’ll escort you.”

Naglakad ito palapit sa akin. Ang mabango nitong amoy ay nililiyo ako. Naramdaman kong may kakaibang kulisap na naman ang nabubuhay sa loob ko. His lips twitched when my eyes caught him glaring at my half-open mouth.

I bit mine when I noticed that he’s closing our distance this time. My breath started to pause and skipped for a second then continue rapidly later on.

His pierced eyes feasting on my parted lips. I felt his hot breath on my cheeks when his face gets completely neared on me.

“I’m…fine here, R-Rhaegar,” I uttered.

I’m having a hard time composing myself while he’s in front of me. I step back at naramdaman kong dumampi ang malamig na pader sa aking likuran. Napasandal ako ron habang siya ay patuloy sa paglapit sa akin.

Taas baba ang alon ng aking dibdib habang nakatitig sa mariin nitong mga tingin.

I’m like a rat panic-stricken by the starving lion. Bumakod ang kamay nito sa gilid ng aking kamay. I swallowed hard when his eyes narrowed on me.

Nagbaba ang mata ko sa basa niyang mapupulang labi. It’s red that tempting me.

He slowly neared his face but when anticipation strikes me, I grabbed his nape and kissed him thoroughly. I was so tempted by him that I can’t help to stop myself.

Ang isang kamay nito ay naramdaman kong hapitin ang aking baywang dahilan para sakupin ang natitira naming pagitan sa isa’t isa at tuluyang magdikit ang aming mga katawan.

A soft moan escaped in my mouth when he sucked and bite my lower lips.

Halos magulo ko ang buhok niya sa likuran dahil sa higpit ng kapit ko ro’n.

He tastes mint and that’s driving in my senses.

Habol ko ang hininga matapos niyang humiwalay sa aking mga labi. His eyes were peering desires as it glares at me.

“I’ll expect you to be in my house when I get home later,” he mumbled huskily beneath my ears that sent shivers down my spine.

My eyes were drowned by his parted lips as his eyes pierced on me.

Saglit niya pa akong tinitigan bago niya ako bitiwan at lumabas ng kaniyang silid.

Nang makaalis na siya ay nanatili akong nakahiga sa kama niya ng halos isang oras. His smells are left on his bed. I smiled every time I remember how hot he was last night.

I stood up from the bed nang mapagpasyahan kong mag-shower na muna. After I took a bath I feel like I smell like him, maybe because of the shower gel I used. When I realize that I don’t have any spare clothes here, I decided to find clothes in his closet.

When I opened it, I noticed that all his t-shirts here were all plain white, black and gray. Some of his tees were v-neck. I took the white tee and went to the other closet to find some shorts I could wear. I closed it when it was his button-down shirts. All his clothes and stuff were centralized and very organize.

I went downstairs when I’m done and sat on the sofa in the living area. Hindi na rin gano’n kasakit ang pagitan ng aking mga hita. His unit is gigantic. It’s huge and spacious. It’s not even in the one-fourth of my unit.

Hindi ko namalayan ang oras kakalibot ng aking paningin sa loob ng bahay niya at tanghali na pala. I received a text from him that I haven’t read dahil nakahiwalay sa akin ang cellphone ko.

From: Rhaegar

Eat well, I’ve sent you the food.

From Mr. Sullivan his nickname on my phone change to his real name. I have it change. I smiled and when I heard the doorbell, I immediately went to the door.

I took a picture of the foods na ipinadala niya sa akin dito nang matanggap ko na iyon.

Ako:

Got it! Eat well too! Thanks.

Then I hit the send button. Kumain ako ng pananghalian at nang maburyo ako ay naisipan kong lumabas ng condominium. I also need to go home and have checked on my house.

Sinubukan kong hanapin ang damit na sinuot ko kagabi para labhan at ’yon ang isuot palabas dahil ayaw ko namang lumabas ng naka loose t-shirt na hindi ko pa pagmamay-ari. At nang hindi ko mahagilap ang damit ko ay nanlulumo akong naupo sa couch sa loob ng closet niya.

But when I crouched a bit I saw a jacket hanging beside his blazers. I stood up to checked if I can wear that.

Napangiti ako nang makitang pwede na ito. It’s a hooded grey jacket, and it’s oversized on me that makes me look like I don’t wear any shorts under it dahil sa haba at laki nito sa aking katawan.

When I look at myself in the mirror bago lumabas ng unit ay hindi ko naiwasang mapakunot ang noo ko.

I’m wearing a gray jacket…inisip ko pang mabuti kung nakita ko na ba ito before dahil mukhang pamilyar sa akin habang tinitingnan ko ang sarili sa repleksyon.

I held the jacket I am wearing, I will never forget that I held this before. It’s a soft fabric that calms me that night. Hindi ako pwedeng magkamali.

Itinaas ko ang laylayan nito para tingnan kung may letrang nakaburda ro’n. Namilog ang mga mata ko nang makita ang letrang ’

R&C’. Those are the letters. I will never forget them.

My eyes grew hotter when I glance at my reflection. Did he know me before? Kilala na ba niya ’ko noon pa? When I bumped into him at the cafe that day, it was an accident. But what about the second time? When he helped me hide from Tommen and Brianna.

All this time I believe that he’s ruthless and a heartless man. That was my definition of him on our first meet in his office. Of all people I am with, I can’t imagine that he’s that man who saves me that night.

That is maybe the reason I felt so strange with him. Even how humid and stern he was on me. I may be frightened but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s a good man. He’s the stranger who saved me that night.

Hindi na ako nagtagal pa sa condo ni Rhaegar at agad na tinungo ko ang elevator at bumaba sa floor ng unit ko. I hurriedly change my clothes with a white dress with puffed sleeves nang makapasok ako ng kwarto ko. I let my wavy light brown hair at my back. After I put a very light make up ay lumabas na rin ako sa aking kwarto.

I get my phone and purse bag as I went out of my unit. When I got down on the basement ay ngayon ko lang nakita ang mga messages ni Sofi sa akin last night.

But I need to skip her for a while, I’ll reply to her after this. I need to see Rhaegar.

I get in my car then droved it patungong opisina niya. It’s still four o’clock in the afternoon when I took a glance at my phone. Nang makarating ako sa parking lot ay agad akong pumasok ng elevator.

I want to ask him if it’s really him. If it’s really the person who saved my life that night. I was in despair as well as in mopes of my life. I thought that will be the best solution to end up the pain that bugging me all my life. Because I feel like I live in a world that never meant for me.

The people I expect to have care and loved for me never chose nor even waste a time for me. It was all a heartbreak day when I caught my long-term boyfriend having sex with my sister. Then my dad rushed to the hospital.

Naaalala ko nang araw na ’yon ay upos na ako. Tapos na dahil simula pa lang naman tanging si Dad, Lola, Sofi, and Leigh lang ang meron ako. And when my grandma died, pakiramdam ko ay wala nang magmamahal sa akin. And when that happened to my dad, mas lalo ko lang napatunayan na hindi ako deserve na mahalin. That I’m not worthy to have and to be with. Because I will never be that special they want me to be.

Pagbukas ko ng pintuan nang kaniyang opisina ay mabilis na nag-angat siya ng tingin sa aking gawi. Nakakunot ang noo at bakas ang gulat sa kaniyang mga mata na makita ako ngayon sa opisina.

I stopped and stared at him for a while. He looked at me curiously, then his brows started to furrow.

Nang tumayo siya mula sa pagkakaupo at naglakad patungo sa harap ng kaniyang lamesa ay mabilis akong naglakad para salubungin siya ng aking mga braso.

I felt him frozed from my sudden embrace. He didn’t move but when my shoulders shuddered, there was the time his hand brushed my back. I felt him caressed my hair.

“What’s wrong baby?” He asked me, worried in a deep large voice.

I bit my lips when my tears left my eyes. I intent my face to his chest as I hugged him tightly.

“You saved me that night in the bridge,” I said while my chest begins to heave every time I took a breath.

I heard him swallowed but then his calloused palm scooped my face from his chest. Hinuhuli niya ang aking mga tingin. Then I looked at him in the eyes.

My tears stop from falling as I lifted my eyes on him. Ang mga mata niya ay mahinahon at puno ng pag-aalalang nakatitig sa akin. His thick eyebrows shot up, his jaw moved and lips twitched before he uttered.

“Don’t do it again, Aiden. Promise me,”

My sight blurred as the tears stung my eyes. I nodded profusely.

He get’s what I said, so it was really him.

“I will never do that again. Thank you… Rhaegar.” I said it sincerely.

He kissed my forehead bago ko muling isinubsob ang aking mukha sa kaniyang dibdib. He snuggled me back. I am so small in between his arms. I feel light in between him.

“Come on, stop crying like a baby.” Anito at naupo sa harapan ng kaniyang lamesa.

He’s now lowered. Our eyes almost leveled but he’s still high for me. He then wiped my tears on my damp cheeks.

“I’m not a baby,” I said raucously then pursed my lips on him.

His eyes glisten when the orange sunlight hit our distance.

“You’re a baby for me…my baby.” He seriously muttered, huskily.

Kabanata 12

Kabanata 12

Punishment

Sabay kaming bumaba sa basement ni Rhaegar habang ang ilang bodyguards nito ay nakasunod sa amin. His hand was on my waist as we walk towards his car.

“Sa kotse ko na ikaw sumakay, Aiden. I’ll send a charge sa mga guards to drive it home on our condominium.”

Napatingin ako kay Rhaegar at saka marahang tumango. We planned to have dinner at the restaurant because he said to me that he already set a reservation for us two.

I get the key to my car in my purse and give it to him. Mabilis naman niya itong inabot at binigay sa isa sa kaniyang mga bodyguards.

He opened the door of his Maserati for me.

When he started the engine and drove it ay hindi ko maiwasang pagmasdan siyang seryosong nagmamaneho. Even in driving, he looks so snob and arrogant.

I smiled when his brows arched a bit.

“Keep on staring, huh?”

Mabilis akong nag-iwas ng tingin nang sabihin niya iyon. Napalunok ako at isinandal ng maayos ang katawan sa backrest.

“Huh?” I mimicked, ibinaling ko ang tingin ko sa bintana ng sasakyan.

“Why you looked away? I thought you’re memorizing every part of me.” I heard him sighed.

Mabilis akong bumaling sa kaniya ng tingin at bahagyang napangiti dahil sa kaniyang sinabi pero itinago iyon sa paraan ng pagnguso.

“I-I’m not memorizing you,” I stuttered.

“Then what, baby? Hmm?”

Ayan na naman ang ’baby niya sa akin. He said it in a very subtle and horsely voice. And who wouldn’t get flushed when you heard him say that? The hell.

Napakagat labi ako bago nag-angat ng tingin sa kaniya. He also glances at my way pero mabilis lang iyon dahil ibinalik niyang muli ang tuon ng mga mata sa kalsada.

“I’m just amazed, I guess?” I uttered hesitantly.

“Amazed from what?” His large voice asked.

“Uhm, because you’re usually in a scowling look. Bibihira lang kitang makitang ngumiti.” Sagot ko sa kaniya.

Pakiramdam ko ay high school student ako sa mga pinaggagagawa ko. God, I’m already twenty-four! Pero sino ba naman ang hindi mamamangha sa kaniya kapag nakita siyang ngumiti. That’s rare in his case so I called myself lucky in witnessing it.

He smirked at me, “So you are fond of me?” He asked me seriously.

Nangapa naman ako ng isasagot ko sa kaniya. Natahimik ako at ganon din siya. I don’t think I can’t say that I am not. But it’s hard to say that I am. We just make out last night and that’s all happened without any string attached.

I gave in because I like him. But I don’t think that he feels the same way. He’s a different man from all the guys I met before. He has this intimidating ang ruling aura that I only found on him.

And it hurts me to think that he might be doing this all just because he wants me on his bed. Halos wala pang isang buwan na magkakilala kami, at halos isang linggo rin kaming hindi nakapag-usap pagkatapos niya akong paalisin. And in just a swift night I already gave in to him!

He’s absolutely and incredibly hot. That is given. All the women inside the bar either in the office was always him are their subjects. He’s actually the talk of the town not by being a bachelor nor being a successful businessman at his early aged. But because he has this magnificence that every person would admire.

The authority and arrogance intimidate people whenever they just having a walk around. It isn’t normal and people will never get used to that, so I am too. I’m still in awe that I am here beside his car standing with him, having another dinner with him for the second time.

His hand was on my waist now. I remember us entering a restaurant at BGC before na hindi pa ganito ang set up. But now we’re gonna go inside while his hands were territorial.

We have our room reservation when we got inside. Nagulat pa ako nung una dahil may nag-assist agad sa amin pagkarating na pagkarating pa lang namin ng hotel.

He pulled a chair for me. “Thanks,” I uttered.

He just glances at me and smiled a bit. Pakiramdam ko ay naninibago pa rin talaga ako sa inaasal niya. But this is more make me feel comfortable.

Katahimikan ang nangibabaw sa amin pagkatapos mamili ng order. Hindi ko rin naman alam ang tamang sasabihin dahil hindi pa rin mawaglit sa aking isipan ang naisip kanina sa loob ng sasakyan.

“Maayos na ba ang lagay mo ngayon? Or, are you still sore?” He asked me nang makalabas ang waiter ng room namin.

I looked him in the eye. “Yes,” naiilang kong tugon.

Wala na akong balak magsalita pero ng mapansin niyang hindi na ako iimik ay naramdaman kong nakatitig lang ito sa akin.

“That night, what are you doing there?” He then asked me that I didn’t expect he would ask.

Napaangat ako sa kaniya ng tingin. It’s the night on the bridge he was pertaining.

Ipinirmi ko ang mga kamay ko sa aking mga hita sa ilalim ng lamesa bago nagsalita.

“I’m in despair that day.” I only said.

Hindi ko alam kung dapat ko pa bang sabihin at idetalye ang mga nangyari sa akin ng araw na iyon na humantong ako sa gano’ng desisyon. But then I feel ashamed every time I looked back at that moment.

I realized that killing yourself will never be the best option you can choose to escape the problems in life. Because you can never escape the problems, they will remain whether you lived or not.

Not dealing with any problems in life doesn’t mean that you are weak. It’s just said that you need someone to regain what your mind is up to for a change. It may sound so lame but having moral support has a big part in building your broken self.

But if there is only you, no other than yourself to help what is your difficulties. Hold on and have faith in God. Believe in yourself that this thing happened to make me stronger than I was yesterday.

You may be losing everything you hardly tried to keep for a long time if it’s meant to leave, let it. If it’s just only meant to make you satisfy just for a while then be it. But you should keep your mind wide open. For the possibilities that this all things happened to hurt us and made us happy in the meantime.

It’s my most stupid decision I made in life that I will forever regret. But now that I learned from it, all I can do is to live my life to the fullest. It’s my second life, living and dealing with it was constantly my forever option.

“I believe you are doing great now,”

Coming from him, I believe I’m doing great now. He’s the reason of it all why I’m still here. So I guess I’m having a great time…with him.

“I guess so,” I gave him a small smile.

“You probably have the reason why you did that, it might be so tough for you to end it that way.” His low voice said.

Hindi ko alam pero nang sinabi niya ’yon ay nakaramdam ako ng kirot sa aking dibdib. His voice was gentle at animong naninimbang rin ang kaniyang seryosong mga tingin.

Hindi ko na napigilang burahin ang tipid na ngiti na kanina ko pa pilit na pinapakawalan.

Nahinto lang ang aming matagal na titigan nang bumukas ang pintuan. The appetizers were firstly served.

Naging tahimik muli ang aming naging pagkain. Hindi ko maiwasang mailang sa paraan niya ng pagtitig sa akin. Nang mag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya ay halos bawiin ko rin iyon dahil animong binabasa nito ang bawat galaw ko.

Our meal served. I am calculating the things my mind is saying to me. I also want to ask him about what happened last night pero hindi ko alam kung paanong sisimulan. I find it awkward.

At isa pa, maybe it’s just plain sex for him. It’s for me either! He’s a known bachelor and I’d saw him once making out on his office kaya hindi na dapat pa akong mag-isip nang mga bagay na magpapagulo lang sa aking isipan.

“I emailed you the details about Mr. Navaro’s furniture. Ikaw na ang bahalang tumingin, evaluate and examine before we add it on our list.” Rhaegar uttered after a long silence.

“I will have it check tomorrow,” ani ko.

Nagbaba ito ng tingin sa aking dibdib at bumalik din namang muli sa aking mga mata.

“I had made few changes in your office earlier.” He probed.

Nagkunot naman ang noo ko. “Alin? Bakit may problema ba sa office ko?” I asked him curiously.

Bahagyang sumandig naman siya sa lamesa at mariin akong tinitigan.

“Sira ’yung airconditioner ng office mo.”

Oh? Kaya pala nung nakaraan naaalibadbadran ako sa init ng office ko kahit na nakatodo naman na ang air conditioner.

“Gano’n ba? So how was it now?” I asked him. Get divert by his sudden topic.

He pursed his lips before he muttered.

“I had made it checked at the maintenance this morning. Hindi ko na napuntahan ngayong hapon kung anong lagay.” He muttered.

Tumango tango naman ako. Saglit na katahimikan muli ang nangibabaw pagkatapos no’n. Hindi ko alam kung paano ako naka-survive nang mga oras na ’yon at tuluyan na rin kaming lumabas ng hotel.

I feel the awkwardness but it seems normal to him. Lalo na ngayong nalaman kong siya pala yung lalaking tumulong sa akin sa tulay nang gabing ’yon.

We stayed silent inside his car as we reached the parking lot of the condominium. I unbuckle my seatbelt and I was about to went out of his car when he suddenly spoke.

“How did you know it was me?” His deep large voice asked, making me stop from doing anything.

I lifted my glance at him. He wasn’t glaring at me. Diretso lang ang tingin nito sa labas ng sasaksyan.

At first, I was confused about what he’s saying. But later on, I get what it was.

I licked my lower lips before I tried to spoke.

“I have seen your hoodie jacket on your closet. I was finding clothes to wear dahil gusto ko sanang bumalik ng unit ko. And then I saw that grey jacket. That night, when you helped me, I never took a glance at your face.”

“Your unconscious that day. You might be naked eyes, but your mind was unconscious Aiden. I’d understand.” He muttered subtle now.

Nagbaba ang aking mga mata sa manibela ng sasakyan. Naramdaman ko namang bumaling na siya sa akin ng tingin ngayon. I can’t look back at him.

“Yeah, you may be right,” I said breathily. “I only remember and make you a reference when my eyes caught the letters on your jacket. ‘R&C’ those are the letters I will never forget.” Ani ko at saka ako nag-angat ng tingin sa kaniya.

Nagtagpo ang aming mga mata. My lips parted when I saw his miserable eyes. I never saw him be in this kind of pain. But it was brisk, his eyes immediately darkened as it bore on me. His jaw clenched and eyes pierced.

“I-I thought I will die that day. Who even know that someone liked you came and save my life. How come that I’m still here having my second life with the person who held my hand and never loses the grip of my hand–”

“Let’s go,” he cutted me off.

Nagugulat akong tumingin sa kaniya at hindi makapaniwalang nauna na siyang lumabas ng kotse. Namilog ang mata ko at gayundin ang bibig ko. I was shocked by his reaction.

Bumaba na rin ako at nakita ko na siyang maglakad patungong basement papasok ng elevator. Tahimik ko lang siyang sinundan at pumasok na rin sa loob.

When I saw his reflection on the mirror of the elevator ay napalunok ako. He’s glaring gravely. His light mood on the car change instantly.

May nasabi ba akong mali? O nakaapekto sa kaniya? Why is he seems mad at me again?

Nanlulumo akong nagbaba ng tingin sa sahig habang umaandar na ang elevator patungo sa aking floor. I feel like it happened again. After we ate our dinner he always became like this.

Pagkatapos niya akong pakitaan ng kakaibang side niya na hindi niya ginagawa sa iba ay saka rin siya mabilis na magbabago. I’m getting confused. I’m getting frustrated with his treatment of me every time.

Nang mag-angat ako ng tingin at balingan siya ay sakto ring pagbukas ng pintuan ng elevator.

“I’m sorry if I upset you or what… Salamat sa dinner.” I said to him.

Naghintay ako na magsalita siya ngunit nang mapagtanto kong wala naman akong maririnig na salita mula sa kaniya ay pagod ko nalang siyang nginitian.

“Goodnight, Rhaegar,” I whispered before I completely went out. Hindi siya nagsalita o lumabas man lang para ihatid ako ng unit ko.

Pagod at naguguluhan akong naglakad at pumasok ng unit ko. Hindi ko siya maintindihan. He’s like some puzzle piece that I can never solve. He was completely garbled.

I went to my bathroom to have a shower. Kahit na sa pagbuhos ng tubig sa aking katawan ay hindi mawaglit sa aking isipan ang masayang mukha ni Rhaegar kaninang umaga.

He smiled at me, and he never smiles in his office even with his cousins. He was always serious and arrogant. But this morning was different. Kaso ang ngiting larawan niya sa aking isipan ay agad ring naglaho nang maalala ang nangyari kanina.

His eyes were in gloom na agad na napalitan ng mariin at matalim nitong pagtingin. Nagulat ako at nagtataka pa rin kung bakit gano’n ang kaniyang naging reaksyon sa sinabi ko.

I just want to express what I felt at that moment when he helped me that day. Pero mabilis na nag-iba ang timpla ng kaniyang mukha at lagay ng loob.

The same madness and irritation crept on his face, kagaya nalang din nung nakaraan.

What is his possible reason now? That he feels that he’s pressuring me and that is what makes him treat me annoyingly, again? I don’t get it this time. I find it different each time. Alam kong hindi lang ’yon ang rason niya. He’s not that shallow towards everything.

Inihiga ko ang sarili sa kama at mariin akong pumikit. My mind is drowning by him. I have a lot of thoughts and questioned that I cannot even answer on my own. He’s really that, not a typical type of man. When you think of him, he’s perfect. He has the face, the cleverness, the body, the money, and the authority that he made his own.

But when you sight it deeply, he wasn’t. He’s complicated and something strange to him that I can never hold. He has this set boundary that no one can just pass.

Naguguluhan man ako ay pinilit kong alisin sa isipan ko ang lahat ng palaisipang naglalaro sa aking utak.

Kinabukasan ay naglalakad ako patungong opisina ko nang maabutan ko iyong makalat.

There were tools scattered on the floor. Hindi na ako nagulat nang bigla kong naalala ang sinabi ni Rhaegar sa akin. That my office had checked pero hindi ko naman inasahang ginagawa pa rin yung aircon. Bakit parang ngayon lang natingnan?

Kagat ko ang pang-ibabang labing napatingin sa mga cubicle office na nasa labas lang rin ng pintuan ng opisina ko. Where will I work now if my office were in mess?

Maaga akong pumasok ngayon para sana maumpisahan na ang trabaho dahil paniguradong tatambakan na naman ako ni Rhaegar lalo na dahil sa mukhang nag-iba na naman ang timpla niya kagabi. I believe that he does the same thing last time, kaya mabuti ng mag-expect ako ng ganon ang mangyayari.

“Ma’am Ria! Good morning,” napatingin ako kay Jhon na mukhang kadarating lang din.

“Ikaw pala, Jhon, morning.” I smiled at him.

Nakita kong ibinaba nito ang bag niyang dala sa kaniyang cubicle.

“Good morning po, Secretary Ria.” One of the guys near Jhon cubicle greeted me.

“Good morning, Ma’am Ria!” The other guy said.

May ilan pang mga bumati sa akin ng magandang umaga habang nananatili akong nakatayo dito sa labas ng pintuan ng opisina ko.

“Morning,” nakangiti ko namang bati sa kanila pabalik.

“Uh, Ma’am may problema po ba?” Tanong ni Jhon sa akin na mukhang papalapit na sa gawi ko ngayon.

Nakatingin naman sa aking gawi ang mga kaninang nakasalamuha ko.

“My office was under construction ata, air conditioner lang naman yung may problema pero makalat kasi yung loob at may mga kagamitan sa sahig.” Sagot ko kay Jhon na sumilip sa loob ng opisina ko.

“Kailangan niyo po ba ng maglilinis?” Tanong pa ni Jhon sa akin.

“Ma’am we can help you clean your office, maaga pa naman po.”

“Yes, Ms. Secretary, kami na po ang bahala if you give us permission.” Ani pa ng ilang mga kalalakihan mula sa kanilang cubicle na mukhang nakikinig din pala sa pinag-uusapan namin ni Jhon.

Napangiti naman ako sa kanila.

“Naku hindi na, I’m still not sure kung may gagawa ngayon sa office ko, kaya sayang lang kung lilinisin ko yung loob if ever they worked here.” Ani ko sa kanila.

Mga nakatayo na sila ngayon at halos sabay na sumilip ang apat na lalaki sa loob ng opisina ko.

“Gano’n po ba Ma’am Ria. Edi sa’n po kayo niyan mag-oopisina?” The guy with the cute blonde hair asked me.

“You can use my cubicle, Ma’am Ria,” Jhon suggested to me.

“Ah, titingnan ko pa kung saan pwede,” I uttered to them.

“Or else Ma’am we can get your table inside your room, ipwesto nalang po namin dito. What do you think Eric?” The guy asked to the blonde hair.

“Yes, Ma’am that could be a nice idea,” Eric said, with the blonde hair.

Napaisip naman ako at hindi ko pa rin alam kung saan nga ako mag-oopisina kung ang office ko ay ginagawa. Nakakapagtaka rin naman kasi na air conditioner lang naman ang ginagawa at naging mukang buong office ay irerenovate.

“Maupo muna po kayo dito, Ma’am ilalabas nalang po namin ’yung table niyo.” The man said then offered me his swivel chair, he’s Edward if I’m not mistaken.

“Ah, hindi na. Pupuntahan ko nalang muna si Mrs. Alcantara to ask for my office. Thank you,” ani ko sa kanila.

Nakita ko pang mapahawak sa batok si Edward at Eric habang ang dalawa naman ay nakangiti sa akin.

“Walang anuman po ’yon Ma’am Ria.” Ani Jhon sa akin.

“Basta po kapag may kailangan kayo, we’re just right there.” Ani pa Eric.

Nagsitanguan naman sila sa akin. I was smiling at them nang mapansin naming nagsiyukuan ang ilang empleyadong hindi kalayuan sa amin.

“Good morning, Mr. Sullivan.” Sunod sunod na bati ng mga empleyado.

Napatingin sila Jhon roon at kalauna’y nagmamadaling humarap at sabay sabay silang nagsiyukuan nang dumaan si Rhaegar.

When Rhaegar stopped in front of my office near us, our eyes met but then his eyes went to these five men in front of me. Matalim ang mga mata nitong nakatitig sa mga ito.

“Good morning, Mr. Sullivan.” Ani nila John na halos magkakasabay na.

Then Rhaegar’s eyes lifted on me. It was narrowed then he raised his brow on me. Seryosong nakatitig lang rin ako sa kaniya.

Nakita kong matigilan sila Jhon na nakatayo sa aking harapan nang maglakad si Rhaegar palapit sa akin. Gumilid sila Eric at animong kinakabahan.

When Rhaegar halted in front of me ay hindi ko maiwasang mag-iwas ng tingin sa kaniya.

“Why are they here? Back to work.” Anito sa akin at binalingan sila Jhon.

“Yes, sir.” Sabi nila at sabay sabay na nagsialisan sa harapan namin at nagtungo ng kani-kanilang mga cubicle.

Pinagmasdan ko silang maglakad habang nararamdaman ko naman ang mariing mga mata ni Rhaegar na nakatutop sa akin.

“They’re just helping me about my office. You shouldn’t be that rude to them–” I glanced at him as I sneered.

“I’m their boss. And what office you are talking about?” He grunted darkly.

I almost rolled my eyes at him while I equal his glare. Annoyed.

“The office you said you have checked on yesterday. Looked at what you’ve done. Akala ko ba air conditioner lang ang problema bakit parang buong opisina ko na ngayon ang inaayos?” I sounded rebuke.

I saw him took a glimpse inside my office then looked back at me again.

“It will be fine soon,” he muttered deeply.

Napamaang naman ako ron sa sinabi niya.

“Then saan ako magtatrabaho if my office is under renovation?” I asked him irritatedly this time.

“I will talk to Mrs. Alcantara about it,” anito.

“No need, dito nalang ako malapit sa cubicle nila Jhon. I’m more comfortable if I stayed near my office para kung sakaling may kukuhanin ako ay malapit na lang.” I insinuate.

I saw his jaw clenched as he darted his eyes on me. His brow shot up and his lips twitch.

Nakita ko namang nakatingin sa gawi namin sila Jhon na mukhang narinig ang sinabi ko.

Nang bumaling muli ako ng tingin kay Rhaegar halos umikot ang mata nito sa akin. Ano na naman ba ang problema nito?

“You go to my office, now.” Rhaegar retorted, demanding.

Nangunot naman ang aking noo sa sinabi niya.

“I can place my table near the cubicles with the other employees–”

“Go to my office, I said.” His voice bawls in annoyance. Now it was emphasizing every word.

I pursed my lips when he walked away. Napatingin naman ako kila Jhon na nakamasid sa amin. I smiled at them for a bit then I rolled my eyes as I stalked Rhaegar towards his elevator.

This man is so domineering. He has the power but can’t he just even reciprocate the opinion of his employee?

Magkasalubong ang mga kilay kong pumasok ng elevator pagkatapos niya. He even saw my pursed lips when I saw him glance at my mouth.

He pressed the button as I twitched my lips, annoyed because I’m coming with him. Magagalit lang naman siya sa akin like what he always does.

He stood beside me, he’s few inches away from me. Nararamdaman ko ang mariing tingin nito sa akin sa salamin.

“Stop twitching your lips, Aiden.” He said sharply.

Nag-angat ako sa kaniya ng tingin mula sa repleksyon naming dalawa.

I just arched my brows at him like what he always does to me.

Nakita kong bahagyang umiling ito at nauubusan na ng pasensyang nag-iwas ng tingin sa akin.

“Aiden, I’m warning you.” He portended, hindi na nito magawang tumingin sa akin mula sa repleksyon ko. He was now looking on the floor.

“Never mind me, Rhaegar. You’re always mad at me, right? Ignore me and push me away again like what you did last time inside your office. Kaya bakit mo pa ako papupuntahin ng opisina mo? If you will just do what you did last time… what you did last night.” I ranted but I almost stammered when his eyes lifted on me. Daggered.

He looked pissed and very impatient when his eyes narrowed on my mouth.

Nagparte ang aking mga labi nang makita ang kaniyang mga matang uhaw na uhaw na nakatitig don. I gulped hard when our eyes met.

He roughly pulled me and captured my lips. I shut my mouth in a grim as his aggressive lips touching mine. I even felt his tongue trying to defeat my bounded lips. But I wouldn’t let him enter.

His hands-on my waist tightened at marahas ako nitong hinapit dahilan para sobrang magdikit ang aming mga katawan. Ang dalawang kamay ko ay nakulong sa pagitan ng aking mga dibdib na ngayon ay nakadikit sa kaniyang katawan. Pigil ko ang hininga at hindi alam kung paanong kukuha ng hangin.

A soft moan escape my mouth when he sucked my lower lip. When I opened my eyes as he continued kissing my grimed mouth I saw his erotic sharped eyes darted on me vigorously.

“Uhh,” I groaned when he harshly bites my lower lip.

Mabilis akong humiwalay sa kaniya at bahagya siyang tinulak, ngunit nananatili pa rin sa aking baywang ang kaniyang nakahapit na braso.

Napahawak ako sa aking pang-ibabang labi na nararamdaman kong may kirot dahil sa pagkagat niya.

The side of his lips tugged up, forming an evil smirk. Eyes menacingly glaring at me as he licked his lower lip seductively.

“That’s your punishment for being disobedient. The next time you do it again, I will go bite and suck your lips till you knock down on bed soring.” He huskily forewarned impatiently then suddenly the door of the elevator open, making me want to get out hastily.

Kabanata 13

K

abanata 13

Crouched

My eyebrows furrowed and my face fumed as I enter next to him inside his office.

Mahapdi at masakit ang aking pang-ibabang labi matapos niya iyon kagatin kanina. I even saw it bleed na mabilis ko ring pinunasan kalaunan.

“Sa sofa ka muna habang pinapaasikaso ko pa ang table at mga gamit mo na ipapaakyat ko dito sa office.” Malalim ang boses niyang ani sa akin.

Matalim ang mga mata kong tumingin sa kaniya na ngayon ay naghuhubad ng kaniyang black coat at isinabit sa stainless coat rack na ilang hakbang lang din ang layo mula sa kaniyang lamesa.

“Mr. Sullivan, I can have my work even on my floor. Hindi na kailangan pang ipaakyat dito sa opisina mo ang mga gamit ko. It will be a waste of time–” He cut me off.

“There’s no such waste of time in bringing up your things here in my office. If I want you to work at my sight and that means inside my office, ’yon ang masusunod.” Mariin nitong ani sa akin at naupo sa kaniyang swivel chair.

Marahas akong bumuntong-hininga. Wala naman na akong masabi dahil mukhang wala naman na ring magiging saysay pa iyon sa kaniya.

He started working, I guess. Naglakad ako patungo sa sofa na malayo sa kaniya at hindi kami nagpansinan. Naramdaman kong sundan ako nito ng tingin.

“Hindi ako lalabas,” pasiring kong sinabi dahil malapit ang sofa patungong pintuan kaya siguro inakala niyang lalabas ko.

Uupo lang naman ako. Takot ko lang sa’yo, Rhaegar. Matalim pa lang niyang pagtitig sa akin ay hindi ko na mapigilang manginig. But now I’m also mad kaya hindi ako matatablan niyang pamatay mong tingin.

Napahawak pa ako sa aking labi nang hindi mawala ang kirot do’n. Napaangat lang ako ng tingin nang bumukas ang pintuan at pumasok ang kinakabahang si Jhon kasama sila Eric.

“Mr. Sullivan, saan po ipupwesto yung lamesa ni Ma’am Ria?” Tanong ni Jhon na napatingin sa akin. Nananatili siyang nakatayo sa pintuan at animong takot na lumapit kay Rhaegar.

“Leave her things outside my office. Then go back to work dahil may ibang gagawa ng trabaho na tinatanong mo.” I heard Rhaegar’s humid voice.

Hindi ko tuloy naiwasang mapabaling sa kaniya ng tingin at pukulan siya ng mariing mga mata ko.

“S-Sigi po Sir,” dinig kong ani Jhon na natatarantang lumabas ng opisina.

Ako naman ay hindi inaalis ang mga mata kay Rhaegar na nasa aking gawi na rin ang mariing titig.

“You’re really that mean, Mr. Sullivan,” I stated fact to him, annoyed.

Nagtaas lang ito ng kilay at madilim ang mga matang tumitig sa akin.

“What’s wrong? I just give him the order.” He then replied, seems like he started to control his temper.

“You said it in a very rude way, Mr. Sullivan–”

“Three, Aiden. You called me that same name again and you won’t get your office back again.” Mariin nitong ani sa akin.

My lips parted, hindi makapaniwala sa kaniya. “But what I’m only saying is that you can be polite in giving them an order,” I said as I looked away, frightened with his sharp glares on me now.

“Are you defending that boy, Aiden?”

Namimilog ang mga mata kong nag-angat sa kaniya ng tingin. Kahit kailan ay hindi na kami nagkasundo. I’m trying my very best to understand him but he was too hard to understand, most of the time.

“Yes! Because you are being rude to them,” hindi ko na napigilan pa ang sarili ko.

“And they are not?” He asked with a hint of sarcasm.

“No, cannot you see how stammered they were whenever you are around? They are frightened of you kaya hindi ka nila tatratuhin ng gaya ng sinasabi at iniisip mo. They are good people. They’re your employees and you should treat them humanly.” I explained.

For a while, I get stunned when he stood up from his seat while his daggered eyes never left mine. Sinubukan kong pantayan ang kaniyang paraan ng pagtitig sa akin, but I can’t.

I felt my heartbeat fastened when he started walking towards my way. His brows a bit furrowed as his lips twisted.

Mariin kong isinandal ang sarili ko sa sofa nang makalapit siya sa aking harapan. He crouched and lowered his head to level our gazes.

“So you’re frightened of me?” He asked me right in front of my face.

Nakatukod ang kaniyang dalawang kamay sa magkabila kong gilid ngayon na mas lalong nagparamdam sa akin ng panliliit. Cornering me as I sat at the corner of the sofa.

Naramdaman kong manuyo ang aking lalamunan nang ang madilim nitong mga titig ay diretsa kong nakikita.

“I-I’m not,” I strumbled saying those words but I managed to sound like it’s nothing.

“Really? Then why are you stuttered? Hmm?” His husky voice and minty breath were hitting my cheek.

I swallowed hard. Mabilis ang pagkabog ng aking dibdib at pakiramdam ko ay kinakapos ako sa hangin at nahihirapan sa paghinga.

“Tell me, Aiden, are you scared of me?” He hoarsely asked.

Nagbaba ako ng tingin at dumapo iyon sa kaniyang magkaparteng mga labi. He even licked it before my eyes remain and get captured by his humid glares.

Humigpit ang kapit ko sa sofa at napalunok muli nang ilapit pa niya ang kaniyang mukha sa akin. My eyes can’t stay long from his dark glares on me.

Mas inilapit pa nito ang kaniyang mukha sa akin. Nagbaba ang matalim nitong mga mata sa aking labi at mabilis na nag-angat muli ng tingin sa aking matang nanginginig at nagniningning sa kaba.

“You’re scared of me… You shouldn’t be, baby,” he said then bit his lower lips, making it ruddier and looked swollen.

Nahagip ng aking mata ang kamay niyang aamba sa paghawak sa aking mukha. He touched my lower lips as his eyes lowered as well.

Nagparte ang aking mga labi nang marahang haplusin niya iyon. My eyes were fixed on his ruddy parted lips while he is on mine.

His index finger sent shivers down my spine and make my stomach feel churning as he glided it on my lip. Hindi ko namalayang umaalon na pala ang aking dibdib dahil sa paghinga.

His dark eyes darken more when he pricked my lower lips with his index finger where he bites me earlier.

“Uhh,” I groaned softly when I felt it hurt but then it makes me feel something different.

“It’s swollen, there is a small cut on the middle-lower part of your lips.” Marahan at paos ang boses nitong sinabi habang sinusuri ang aking labi.

Pakiramdam ko ay naliliyo ako sa boses niya at sa daliri niyang nananatiling hinahawakan ang parteng may sugat.

Nakapaibabaw siya sa akin at hindi ko maiwasang makaramdam ng kakaibang sensasyon. Nag-iinit ang aking pakiramdam at pakiramdam ko ay may kulisap sa aking tiyan na para bang nagpupumilit na makawalang muli. They are flying wildly inside of me.

“Rhaegar,” I called his name almost in a moaning voice when he brushed my cutted lips again. But this time he hasn’t brushed it with his index finger gently. He brushed my lower lips toughly and pressed it like a soft marshmallow that made me groan.

Bahagya akong napaliyad nang maramdaman ang kirot sa labi ko nang diinan niya iyon.

“What is it, baby?” He asked hoarsely.

When our eyes met I saw how the raw erotic desire filled his eyes. My drowned gazes reflect on his, resembling the same carnal feeling.

Kita ko ang aliw at mangha sa kaniyang ginagawa sa aking labi. At wala pang ilang sandali…

He then pressed his lips on me when his anticipation isn’t long to bear. I parted my lips as I let his tounge enter inside my mouth. His tounge roughly flickered, fighting like a sword with my own tounge.

A soft growled escape my mouth when he nipped my lower cutted lips.

Mabilis at mataas ang alon ng aking dibdib kasabay nang paghabol ko sa aking hininga. He kissed me thoroughly and roughedly that it caused us to paused our breath.

When I pulled myself from his lips to catch some air to breathe, his eyes daggered like I was stopped giving him the sweetest lips he ever tastes.

Mabilis niyang hinabol ang aking mga labi. Halos malunod ako sa kaniyang marahas at sabik na mga halik. He’s kissing me hungrily while I started to felt my stomach-churning. There’s a tingling sensation that started to put me on the verge when I felt his hand crawling on my underboob.

My breath hitched when he kisses me down my jaw.

“W-What are you doing, Rhaegar?” Nahihirapan kong tanong dahil liyong liyo sa kaniyang mga halik at sa kamay niyang malikot na gumagapang sa aking katawan.

“Let me taste you again, baby.” Namamaos ang boses nitong sinabi.

His hooded eyes met my sleepy and anticipated eyes when I almost let out a loud howl when I felt his skillful hand got inside my skirt.

I felt his finger slip under my undies and move on my sensitive slit.

“Oh, Rhaegar,” My lips were dramatically half open when I felt his fingers teasingly massage my clit with his sinful thumb.

“Damn baby, you’re fucking dripping wet.” He cursed under his deep husky voice as he massages and caressed my sensitive slit alluringly.

Halos tumirik ang dalawang mata ko nang maramdamang marahan niyang ipasok ang kaniyang daliri sa aking kaselanan. He didn’t hint at me nor made me feel that he was about to get in.

He then slowly thrust his finger inside of me. It really feels so good that makes my head lost its sanity.

Madilim ang mga mata ni Rhaegar na nakatitig sa akin habang pinapanood akong maliyo at maligaw sa kakaibang lugod na ipinararamdam niya sa akin.

His lips parted when I can not quit from letting my growls escaped in my mouth, the moment he entered another digit.

“Uhh,” mahigpit akong kumapit sa dibdib ni Rhaegar nang maramdamang bumilis ang labas-masok ng mga daliri nito.

It’s the feeling like he brought me the haven even he’s just below me and rocking his sinful fingers inside my cave of satisfaction.

Naliliyo ako at hindi na alam kung saan ibabaling ang aking ulo nang maramdamang may kakaibang kiliti na unti-unti nang namumuo sa kaibuturan ko. Rhaegar is watching me intently while his finger fastened its pace.

I felt a familiar static when his hand moved unstoppable and roughedly inside of me this time. I bit my lower lips harshly when I started to feel the building of familiar sensation that is about to pour anytime soon.

“Rhaegar, d-don’t stop, m-make it rapidly,” I growled in the wilderness as he rocked his fingers in me until I felt my insides almost convulsed as my juices gush and dripped on their niches.

My sight lightens and my feelings numb. Letting myself burst all the juices he made have me feel the lenient and reach the sky above.

Mariin akong napapikit at bagsak ang dalawang balikat na ngayon ay nakasandal sa sofa. My hands on his white button-down shirt na kanina ay mahigpit na nakakapit sa kniyang dibdib ay bagsak na ngayong nakapatong sa kaniyang braso habang ang isa ay nakatukod sa aking gilid.

“Damn, you taste so good, baby. You making me want to taste more of you.” He muttered while his eyes darted on me as he licked and sucked his two fingers that coated by my juices.

My mouth almost dropped open when I saw him do that. But what more surprised me is that when he kneeled on the floor in front of me, almost praising me.

Nakatitig ang madilim nitong mga mata sa akin habang nakahawak sa aking skirt na mabilis na itinaas ng tuluyan at ibaba ng maayos ang aking underclothing. I’m vulnerable in this state that I can’t do anything to stop him.

“Let me clean this sweet fluid you made for me,” he muttered darkly.

Then in an instant, I arched my back when his tongue licked my sweet wet folds. He kissed, licked, and sucked me a bit that made me awaken my lost beast that gets lost earlier.

I flinched and purr an alluring soft voice while he does that under me.

Direktang nakatitig sa akin ang kaniyang may aninong mga mata at mariing pinapanood ang bawat reaksyon sa bawat dampi ng kaniyang labi at dila sa aking kaselanan.

Pagod ang mga mata kong nakatunghay sa kaniya nang matapos niya akong linisin ako ron. He stood from the floor and leave me from my seat. Magkaparte pa rin ang aking mga hita at sinubukan kong ibaba ng bahagya ang skirt kong nananatiling nakataas.

“Don’t move,” dinig ko ang boses ni Rhaegar na papalapit na muli sa aking gawi na nanggaling pa sa kaniyang lamesa na nagpahinto sa akin mula sa paggalaw.

I saw him handing wet wipes before he sat beside me. Nahihiya naman akong tumingin sa kaniya.

“Ako na,” I probed when he finally sat beside me.

I heard him groaned when I tried to get the wipes from his hand. Inilayo niya iyon sa akin at kalaunan ay naramdaman ko nalang na punasan niya ako ron.

“I’ve finished eating all your made, I just want you to feel comfortable and nonsticky after this.” Imporma nito sa akin na marahang pinupunasan ako.

Nahihiya at pakiramdam ko ay pinamumulahan na ako ng mukha kaya hindi ko na siya binalingan pa ng tingin.

He helped me wear my undies and pulled down my skirt after he cleansed my lower body.

Naiilang ako at hindi makatingin sa kaniya na kampanteng nakaupo sa aking tabi na may mariing titig sa akin.

I can’t believe that he does that to me, here inside his office. And that was my very first time doing it at work! Hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang dapat kong sabihin o gawin ngayong tapos na iyon. Pakiramdam ko ay pinamumulahan ako ng pisngi ngayon habang nakaiwas sa kaniya ang aking mga mata.

I snapped on my thoughts when we heard a knocked on the door.

“Come on in,” Ani Rhaegar na nananatiling nakaupo sa aking tabi.

Bahagya naman akong umusad palayo sa kaniya bago tuluyang bumukas ang pintuan. We’re still close to each other so I moved a bit.

Napatingin ako sa lalaking pumasok sa loob na mukhang isa sa mga bodyguards niya. Hindi ko tuloy maiwasang mailang dahil pakiramdam ko ay alam niyang may nangyari sa amin ni Rhaegar kahit na hindi naman talaga.

“Nandito na po ang lahat ng gamit ni, Ma’am Ria, Mr. Sullivan.”

“Pakipasok na dito at ilagay niyo malapit sa table ko.” Rhegar’s statement caught my attention.

Ang kaninang naiilang ay ngayon pakiramdam ko naman ay kinakabahan dahil hindi sang-ayon sa kaniyang sinabi.

“Y-You can place my table near the door. Hindi naman na kailangan pang magtabi tayo ng lamesa.” I asserted.

“No, you’re not like my bodyguard to have placed your table near my door. I want you near my table.” He said, disclosing.

Hindi na ako nagreklamo dahil hindi ko rin naman alam kung saan ako pupwesto rito sa loob ng kaniyang opisina. His office is quite spacious and to be far from him made me feel at ease. Dahil iisipin ko pa lang na magkalapit kami ng lamesa ay ano nalang ang mangyayari sa amin.

Kagat ko ang labi ko nang maramdaman ko siyang tumayo sa aking tabi. Lumabas na rin ang kaniyang tauhan at tuluyan ng binuksan ng malaki ang pintuan na kanina ay nakasarado para maipasok na ang aking mga gamit.

Tumayo na rin ako at inayos ang aking skirt na mukhang nagulo dahil sa nangyari kanina. Nang ipinupwesto na nila ang aking lamesa sa tabi lang rin ng table ni Rhaegar ay hindi ko naiwasang mahagip siya ng aking paningin.

Napalunok ako nang makita ang nalukot nitong damit sa bandang kanang dibdib. Napakagat labi ako nang maalalang ako ang may gawa niyon dahil sa kanina.

Nang bumaling rin siya sa akin at seryoso akong pinagmasdan ay agad akong nag-iwas ng tingin sa kaniya. Inabala ko ang aking sarili sa pagtulong sa pagkuha ng mga folders ko na ilalagay sa table.

“Ako na dito,” ani ko sa lalaking akmang kukuhanin ang isang box kung saan laman nito ang mga folders ko.

Binigay naman niya ito sa akin ngunit may pag-aalinlangan sa kaniyang mga mata bago ako hayaang buhatin iyon. Nang makapasok ako sa loob ay magkasalubong ang dalawang makakapal na kilay ni Rhaegar na nakatingin sa akin.

Hindi ko siya pinansin at tuloy tuloy lang akong naglakad palapit sa lamesa ko. I walked past him and I felt his serious glares never leave my way.

“Bakit ka nagbubuhat? Akin na,” Aniya sa akin at hinawakan ang box na hawak ko rin nang tuluyang lapitan niya ang gawi ko.

Kinuha niya iyon at hindi na ako nakaalma nang talikuran niya ako at diretsong nilagay iyon sa ibabaw ng aking lamesa. Natigilan ako saglit pero hinayaan ko lang siya at hindi nalang din binigyang tuon ng pansin iyon.

Mabilis lang na naipasok ang lahat ng importanteng mga gamit ko. When his bodyguards went out of his office ay naupo na ako sa aking swivel chair.

I can sense his glares on me as he walks towards his table and takes his sit there as well. I can’t erase the idea on my mind of him doing that thing earlier to me every time I glance at him back.

And for goodness sake, it’s still morning! I tried to divert my attention and shake it off my head. Nang pakiramdaman ko naman siya nang magsimula akong buhayin ang aking computer ay mukhang naging abala na rin siya sa kaniyang trabaho.

When I focused on turning on my computer ay napakunot ako ng noo nang hindi ko iyon mabuhay. I checked the extensions beside my table if it’s plugged in at nagtaka ako kung bakit hindi ko iyon mabuhay kahit na nakasaksak naman. When I tried for the second time ay gumana na. I typed in my password but when I was about to check on my emails ay walang lumalabas.

Napakagat labi ako nang mapansing walang internet. I checked the PC on the other small table if it’s working fine. But then I refreshed it twice at wala pa ring lumalabas.

Hindi ko na napigilang mapanguso at bumaling sa gawi ni Rhaegar. I have this presentation appraisal for him at nung nakaraan ko pa ’yon naiwang ipiprint ko nalang din naman yung iba. But I’d made it at home and I just send it on my google drive.

“Is there something wrong?” He then asked me when he noticed my worried glance.

“My internet isn’t working,” I said as I turn my glance on his sit.

Our table was a bit far from each other but it’s collinear to where his and mine placed on the same and in one line.

Kumunot ang noo nito at naglipat ang tingin sa aking computer. I protruded my lips and I saw him licked his lower lips before he rises from his swivel chair.

He walked towards my table and have checked my computer. Bahagya kong ginilid ang aking upuan para bigyan sana siya ng espasyo kaso ay mabilis na humawak ang isa nitong kamay sa likuran ng aking upuan kaya hindi ko na rin nagawa.

His iron-clad chest was now inches away from my face. Hindi nakatakas sa aking paningin ang gusot na parte ng kaniyang damit. His manly scent filled my nose that seduces my rational thoughts.

Napailing ako nang matauhang kinakalikot na niya ang aking computer. He’s looking and clicking the mouse seriously. His brows were creased as he checked the internet if why isn’t it working.

Nakita ko pa siyang matigilan saglit at basain ang kaniyang labi bago ako binalingan ng tingin. Halos maduling na naman ako sa lapit ng mukha namin sa isa’t isa.

Mabilis siyang nag-iwas ng tingin at tinungo muli ang mata sa harap ng computer.

“I don’t think you can use it, hindi ko alam kung bakit ayaw gumana.” He flatly uttered.

“Huh? Baka meron lang problema sa PC?” I asked him.

“Nope, the difficulty is with the computer. You can use mine, habang hindi ko pa napapapalitan ’yang computer mo.” He suggested.

Napaisip pa muna ako at napabaling sa kaniyang table. Well, I only need to check my emails and print all the needs at wala na rin naman akong gagawin sa computer after that.

“Okay,” Ilang segundo pa muna ako nitong tinitigan bago siya tuluyang lumayo sa akin at bumalik ng kaniyang lamesa.

Tumayo na rin ako at sumunod sa kaniyang malaking table. When I noticed that I haven’t brought my chair ay yumuko nalang ako ng bahagya dahil hindi rin naman ako magtatagal. Lumapit siya sa akin at binuksan ito dahil my password.

“Wala kang upuan?” He asked me while he watched me logged in to my account.

“Mabilis lang naman ako,”

Hindi ko siya binalingan at nag-concentrate lang ako sa ginagawa dahil gusto ko na ring makabalik ng table ko. Mahirap na at lalo na siya pa ang katabi ko.

“Here, take my seat.” Pagkaharap ko sa gawi niya ay nakatayo na ito at nakapwesto na sa aking likuran ang kaniyang swivel chair.

“No need-”

“Use it Aiden,” he said seriously, cutting me off.

Hindi naman na ako umimik at tinaggap nalang ang upuan niya. I saw him used his laptop, siya naman ngayon ang bahagyang nakayuko. Napanguso ako ron.

He looked very serious when he’s working. Ni hindi ko nabakas ang multo ng adorasyon sa kaniyang mga mata na gaya nung kanina. I was actually amazed to see him work this hard and focused. He is very disciplined with this.

After I open my email and have checked it ay inayos ko na ang mga ipiprint ko. Nakita ko naman si Rhaegar na bahagyang tumayo ng tuwid sa aking tabi. And when I thoroughly glance at him when I completely done at hinihintay nalang ang prints ay tumayo na ako at inilapit sa kaniya ang kaniyang upuan.

Bumaling siya sa akin at napatingin sa upuan nang imwestra ko iyon sa kaniya.

“Are you done?” He then asked me. His eyes even threw on the monitor of the computer.

“Mm,” Tangi kong sagot sa kaniya.

“Maupo ka muna habang naghihintay ka,” ani pa niya na hindi pinansin ang upuan.

“Matatapos na ako, maupo ka na. Mabilis nalang ’to.” I told him.

Hindi naman ako nito pinansin at animong walang naririnig na nakatuon ang paningin sa kaniyang laptop.

I then gasped lightly. Wala na akong nagawa kundi ang maupo nalang dahil mukhang wala siyang balak na gawin iyon.

Nang matapos ko naman ang piniprint ko ay kinuha ko na iyon sa printer at tumayo na. I also already logged out my email there. Inilipat ko iyong swivel chair niya sa kaniyang tabi at tumapon namang muli ang kaniyang paningin sa printer na nasa harapan ko.

“You’re done?” He then asked me again.

“Oo, thank you. Maupo ka na d’yan.” Ani ko at inusad pa ng bahagya ang swivel chair palapit pa sa kaniya.

Naupo naman siya ngunit hindi pa rin inaalis ang seryosong mga tingin sa akin.

“You sure wala ka ng ibang gagawin? You can use my computer anytime,”

“Wala naman na, salamat.”

Babalik na sana ako ng aking table nang bigla siya muling magsalita.

“Aiden, can you take a look at this proposal of Mr. Navaro.”

Lumapit ako sa kaniyang tabi. Napatingin naman ako sa laptop niya na iniharap pa niya ng bahagya sa aking gawi.

“Hindi ba nabasa at nagawan ko na ng report sa’yo ’yan nung nakaraan?” I asked him.

“Yes, but there are some points I want you to checked again.”

Mas lumapit pa ako sa kaniya nang iharap niya sa akin ang kaniyang laptop.

Bahagya akong yumuko para tingnan iyon. It’s still on the progress and their products of equipment were tangible. It was my report to him he was checking for me.

Kaya napatingin ako sa kaniya at naabutan siyang madilim ang mga matang nakatingin sa aking dibdib.

Mabilis na nag-angat siya sa akin ng tingin at inabot ang kaniyang black coat na kinuha niya malapit sa kaniya.

“Wear this,” he said in a deep large voice.

“But I have my blazer on my table. Tinanggal ko lang dahil naiinitan ako kanina.”

Nakita ko pa kung paanong magdilim ang kaniyang mga matang mariing nakatitig sa akin.

Hindi ako nito pinakinggan at isinabit sa aking likuran ang kaniyang coat.

Napatayo naman ako ng tuwid at akmang aalisin iyon kaso ay nahulog ang ilang papel na pin-rint ko sa sahig.

Napatingin kaming dalawa ron. Napalunok ako nang makita na nasa pagitan iyon ng kaniyang mga hita sa ilalim ng kaniyang lamesa. Bahagya siyang umatras at pupulutin na sana niya iyon kaso ay inunahan ko siya.

I crouched on the floor and get the papers under his table. Nang mahirapan akong abutin ang huling papel ay humawak ako sa kaniyang upuan para hindi matumba at ibalanse ang sarili. Pero nang maramdaman kong hawakan niya ang kamay kong nasa gilid ng kaniyang upuan ay nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya. Iignorahin ko na sana iyon at planong iusog ng bahagya ang kaniyang upuan, but then what just I did is to gulped hard.

I realized that I’m in between his legs, below him. He was glaring at me darkly while his jaw clenched.

My eyes crawled to his body and then to his veiny arms that holding my hand on the side of his chair. Until my sight went down on the bulge of his pants. I swallowed hard when I noticed that it was getting bulge out more.

“What the fuck are you doing, Sullivan? It’s office hours. Damn.” I heard a familiar huge deep voice muttered from the door.

Shit. What am I gonna do? I have to stand up of course! So I tried to stand up but my head bumped under his table.

I groaned and my mouth parted.

“Ahh,” I groaned in a small pain.

“The fuck, man! Who’s that woman?” Rinig kong boses ng lalaking palapit na sa lamesa namin ngayon.

Nang mag-angat at tingalain ko naman si Rhaegar ng tingin ay nakita ko siyang mapalunok at seryoso ang mga mata nitong nakatitig din sa akin sa ibaba niya.

Napakagat labi nalang ako at mariing ipinikit ang aking mga mata. My mind wasn’t thinking anything green plant leaves. I have done nothing wrong, alright. We have done nothing wrong.

Kabanata 14

Kabanata 14

Secretary

“What the fuck, Rhaegar–”

“Will shut your fucking mouth, Vittorio Zion?” Rhaegar cut him off with his sharp deep voice.

Marahan naman akong tumayo mula sa ilalim nang tuluyan ko ng makuha ang papel.

Kagat labi akong nag-angat ng tingin nang magtama ang mga mata namin ni Zion na naglipat ng tingin kay Rhaegar na may seryosong mga titig. My eyes shifted at the side of Zion, Theron was just silently standing there beside him, watching me and Rhaegar who’s sitting beside me.

“U-Uhm, I gotta go to my table.” Baling ko kay Rhaegar na nananatiling mariin ang tingin sa dalawa.

What’s up with them? Animong nagkakaintindihan ang mga ito sa paraan ng kanilang pagtititigan.

When Rhaegar’s turned his gaze on me I glared at him. He nods his head, letting me go now.

Tumuloy ako sa paglalakad ko at nagtama ang mga mata namin ni Zion bago ko pa sila lagpasan ni Theron.

I sat on my chair at ramdam ko ang sunod na mga tingin ni Theron at Zion sa akin. They watched me as I sat on my chair and stared at me for a while. I didn’t lift my sight on them. I get my folder and place there the papers I print.

“What you guys doing?” I heard Theron asked casually.

Itinuon ko lang ang aking paningin sa aking ginagawa pero ang pandinig ko ay hindi maiwasang makirinig sa usapan nila. My table is just next to Rhaegar, and his cousins were inside his office in front of Rhaegar’s table, how could I stop my ears from listening, right?

“You see, we are working,” Rhaegar lazily drawled.

“Hindi ko alam na hinahayaan mo na ang secretary mong dumikit sa’yo. That’d change,” Theron implied.

“Why’s Ria is here?”

Halos mag-angat ako ng tingin kay Zion nang marinig ko siyang magtanong.

“Damn, Vittorio Zion, you’re such an idiot. Of course, she’s her secretary and they are having work most and foremost before we got in.” Theron meaningfully uttered in scorn.

Hindi ko na napigilang mapaangat ng tingin sa dalawa. Theron was smirking as he glared at me habang si Zion naman ay may seryosong mga matang nakatitig kay Rhaegar. Nang balingan ko naman ang lalaking nasa kabilang lamesa ay mariin lang din ang tingin nito sa kaniyang pinsan.

Oh god, they’re thinking green things we didn’t do. Oh? What’s with the sofa earlier? I tightly shut my eyes when my mind grumbled on me.

“Working your ass, idiot.” Malamig na ani Zion sa tabi nitong si Theron na unti unting nawala ang ngising nakatunghay sa akin.

“Why the hell you two are gotten here?” Rhaegar asked them sternly.

“The usual thing Sullivan. I will warned you to stop,” Zion hissed then glance on my way.

“You can leave us alone and have your life outside my office. We don’t need parasites to meddle on our office works.” Rhaegar roughly said.

Napabaling ako sa kaniya. It’s his cousins! How could he say that to them in a very humid way? I can’t believe him.

Then I heard Theron chuckled as he watched Rhaegar lean on the back of his chair.

“Okay fine, we won’t meddle to your…work.” He mockingly uttered.

The hell Theron! He’s so green-minded. Is he pertaining to what they saw when they got in? We don’t do anything…right? Napangiwi ako nang maalala ang nangyari sa sofa kanina.

“Shut your green thoughts, Theron. I had no time for your shits.” Rhaegar snorted.

He then chuckled beside Zion, which only seriously standing glaring at him.

“Ah, may nahulog lang na papel kaya pinulot ko sa ilalim ng lamesa,” I explained to them because I can’t take it long to hear their apprehensions.

Sabay silang tatlo na bumaling sa gawi ko. I gulped when I felt their seriousness. Kung kanina ay mukhang light pa ngunit ngayon ay pakiramdam ko ay nasa akin na ang kanilang mariing mga tingin.

Ano bang problema ng tatlong ’to? Meron ba sila? I thought it was only Rhaegar who have this kind of temper. Moodswings suck, dinaig pa ako tuwing may menstruation. I sighed.

“D-Diba Rhaegar?” Pagbaling ko sa pa kaniya na may nakakunot na noo.

“Why explaining if you haven’t done such things, right?” Zion hissed.

“Because you’re all concluding twisted thoughts? So I speak up.” I answered back to him.

He smiled at me, without any humor flashing on it. “You’re still gorgeous to me. Remember what I told you? Never forget that lifetime advice, Ria. You better obey your instinct and trust my words.”

“So what is your advice to my secretary, Zion? Huh? Can you mind on telling me?” I heard Rhaegar from his table snorted.

Napabaling ako sa kaniya dahil naging iba ang tono ng pananalita ni Rhaegar.

“That’s only between us. I don’t advise people like you, tss.” Ani Zion na tinalikuran kami at tinungo ang sofa na malapit sa akin at don naupo.

Theron seconded and sat beside him.

“You’re eyes rolling, Sullivan. Hindi bagay.” Ani Theron sa kaniya.

Agad naman akong napalingon kay Rhaegar na may matalim na tingin kay Theron ngayon. Ano bang problema ng mga ’to? They seem almost fighting but they’re cool. I don’t get this three.

“Bakit nalipat ang table mo dito, Ria? I thought you are on the other floor?” Zion asked me casually. Wala na ang bakas ng iritasyon sa kaniyang mukha na kanina ay nakalatay habang nakatitig kay Rhaegar.

Napatingin pa muna ako kay Rhaegar na may seryosong mga matang nakatunghay sa akin. “My air-conditioner has a problem, pinapaayos ni Rhae- Mr. Sullivan. And it quite messy inside my office so…he orders me to be in his office while my office was under small renovation.”

Zion’s forehead creased. “Renovation? I thought your air-con is the problem.”

“Hindi ko rin alam, I asked him that early this morning-” I was cut off by Rhaegar.

“I want my secretary near my place.” Rhaegar retorted.

Nakita ko namang magulat at magtaka ang mukha ng dalawa na nasa sofa.

“Oh? Dati ayaw mo nang kahit sa labas ang opisina ng secretary mo. Why now changed?” Theron interrogate.

I feel like they’re catching us on the act.

“Yeah, exactly Theron. And you said ‘near your place.’ It doesn’t mean ‘in your place right?’ There is a huge difference between the preposition ‘near and in’, Sullivan.” Zion said.

Napakurap kurap naman ako sa kanila. What the hell is wrong with them? Dahil pa ba ’to sa naabutan nila kanina na posisyon namin dalawa ni Rhaegar?

“Don’t you dare push my button on its limit, Zion and Theron. Baka lumabas kayo ng opisina ko nang wala sa oras.” Rhaegar warned on them.

Nakita ko namang mangisi ang dalawa sa kanilang upuan at nagseryoso rin nang marinig ko ang yabag ni Rhaegar na palapit sa gawi ko.

“Lumabas na kayo ng opisina ko.” Seryoso at mariin ang pagkakasabi ni Rhaegar niyon sa kanila.

Tumingin ako kay Rhaegar na ngayon ay nakatayo na sa harapan ng aking lamesa. His brows furrowed.

“Why? Didn’t you miss us, Sullivan?” Theron asked him sincerely.

“I never feel that, Theron.”

Nagulat ako sa sagot ni Rhaegar. It may sound like he just said that because he’s pissed but it feels like he really meant it. He never felt to miss someone? Is that how cold he was?

“Then you must be enjoying our company.” Dagdag pa ni Theron.

“Quit your bullshits or I’ll kick your balls outta here?” Rhaegars voice sharpened. Hindi siya nagbibiro.

I gulped when I saw Theron’s smirked. Zion was just there silently watching them.

“Uhm, lalabas nalang muna ako baka may pag-uusapan kayong tatlo-” ani ko dahil mukhang kaya sila gan’yan ay nandito ako sa loob at hindi sila makapag-usap ng matino.

“No,” sabay sabay nilang pigil sa akin nang makatayo na ako.

Napakurap kurap akong tumingin sa kanilang tatlo at marahang naupo nang bumaling sa akin ang seryosong mga titig nila.

“O-Okay,” I stammered as I slowly back sat on my seat.

“We can stay here whenever we want, Sullivan. Go back to work, akala ko ba at marami ka pang gagawin?” Zion smiled as he said that to him.

“I’ll cut your tongue once you say something stupid. You both better shut your fucking mouth, it’s distracting me.” Rhaegar then walked back towards his table.

Naramdaman ko pang balingan niya ako ng sulyap bago siya tuluyang naupo sa kaniyang upuan.

Nakahinga naman ako ng maluwag nang tumahimik silang tatlo. Pinagpatuloy ko naman ang ginagawa ko at minsa’y napapaangat ako ng tingin kay Zion na matamang nakatingin sa akin.

Tahimik lang rin si Theron na mukhang abala sa kaniyang cellphone. Rhaegar seems to have a lot of work to do kaya hindi ko na rin binigyang pansin. Bukod sa mukhang mainit na naman ang kaniyang ulo ay natatakot akong basagin ang katahimikan sa aming apat.

Nang mag-angat akong muli ng tingin ay nagtamang muli ang mga mata namin ni Zion. I gave him a small smile.

“I’ll gonna pull out your green eyeballs, Rockefeller.”

Natigilan ako at bahagyang namilog ang mga mata ko sa sinabi ni Rhaegar. Ano ba’ng problema ng isang ’to? Kanina pa siya ah.

Kaya nang bumaling akong muli kay Zion ay nakaiwas na ito ng tingin sa akin. Mahina akong napabuntong-hininga.

We stayed in that state for almost an hour. At nang hindi na matagalan ay nagpaalam na rin si Theron.

“I’ll go now, Sullivan. Make sure the next time I came here you’re not doing your ’work.” Theron emphasized and smiled at him then chuckled sheepishly as he went through the door.

Napanguso naman ako ron. They really think that we’re doing worldly sins, huh.

“I gotta go too, Sullivan,” Zion said.

“That’s very good to hear, Vittorio Zion. Now leave.”

“I’ll be the first one to kill you when you said that name again, Sullivan.” Anito sa seryosong paraan. “Ria, mauna na ’ko. Don’t forget my words. Always keep that in mind.” Ani Zion at tuluyan nang lumabas ng opisina.

He always keeps on reminding me that.

“What did he tell you?”

Napabaling ako kay Rhaegar ng tingin matapos tuluyang maisarado ang pintuan nang makalabas si Zion.

“Huh?” I asked him when his question didn’t process on me.

“Whatever he says, I don’t care to any of it.” Bigla niyang sinabi at saka nag-iwas sa akin ng tingin.

Kanina lang ay kuryoso siya at tinanong niya pa kay Zion ang tungkol don. And now he also asked me. But then he’ll say that he didn’t care at all? How arrogant he is.

I continued my work and Zion’s words never leave my head. He keeps on saying it to me every time we meet.

Alam ko namang imposible ang sinasabi niya…noon. But then I trusted myself. I know my limitation and that sets my boundaries to stop myself to keep on having stuff that isn’t appropriate anymore.

Rhaegar was like a living hard stone. He doesn’t make nor show any emotions but then later on I found out that he has feelings. It’s just that, it quickly faded. He didn’t let himself thoroughly be to it.

It’s kind of some sort of feelings that buried a long time ago that he hadn’t known how it feels to relieve again. He lost his emotions back then and that’s what I’m guessing. He has this affection but it’s not visible enough to make you feel that he cares.

We silently having our lunch inside his office at nagkakausap lang kapag may itatanong siya sa akin. Natapos kami sa pagkain na hindi napag-uusapan ang nangyari sa amin kanina o kahit nung nakaraan.

I know that it doesn’t have any meaning to him and I had fully understood that. It was just a pure lust and desires that filled us that night. Like I had said before, we can always choose people to give us satisfaction. Because sometimes we preserved ourselves to the person that we do not know when it will come. When the reality is not certain, we sometimes think and make ourselves believe that that person will be the last which engorged the fact that circumstances might change, so the relationship as well.

And it’s okay to be broken when that day comes. If that person truly accepts us regardless of our past, then that’s the real person who is meant for us to be with. The person who can accept even your flaws.

And now that I’m broken because of all the bullshits that life throws me, it doesn’t mean that no one will pick up those pieces for me. It can be someone else or myself. The important is that you’ll be fixed and heal in time.

“Aiden? Male-late na ako sa meeting.”

Natauhan lang ako sa aking iniisip nang marinig ko ang malalim at malaking boses ni Mr. Sullivan na nakatayo na pala sa harapan ng aking lamesa.

I stood up at naunang maglakad sa kaniya para pagbuksan siya ng pintuan palabas ng opisina. He’s just watching me the whole time papuntang conference room at hindi ko naman maiwasang mailang kaya nag-iiwas ako ng tingin.

And that’s not what I did nang makapasok kami ng conference room.

The board members are all there at mukhang kami nalang muli ang hinihintay. Napahinto ako sa paglalakad sa likuran ni Mr. Sullivan nang pumasok siya ay may biglang lumapit sa kaniyang babae at mabilis siya nitong sinalubong ng mahigpit na yakap.

“Rhaegar, it’s nice meeting you again. It’s been a while, kumusta ka na?” The woman softly uttered in glee.

Her fair skin and glossy red thin lips were in glee while her chinky eyes glinting as they bore to him. Her hands were resting on Rhaegar’s shoulder as she asked him that.

Nakatalikod sa akin si Rhaegar dahilan para hindi ko makita ang reaksyon niya.

“Faye, kailan ka pa dumating?” Rhaegar asked her with a hint of surprise.

Mas lalong lumawak ang ngiti ng babae para sa kaniya. She’s indeed pretty, with her angelic presence and light aura.

“Just yesterday morning, sumama na agad ako kay Mommy today when I heard she’ll come for a meeting.”

“Oh? You must be tired from the trip,”

“Hindi naman masyado. At isa pa, I missed you so much, hindi mo ba ako na-miss?” Faye asked her.

Nananatiling nakapako ang mga mata ko sa likuran ni Rhaegar at Faye na nananatiling nakatitig sa isa’t isa.

Then I remembered what happened earlier. Theron asked him the same question. He hasn’t felt that missing thing right? I am right, ’di ba?

“Yeah, I think so. Come on, let’s have a sit.” Rhaegar’s voice softened.

Saglit pa akong na-estatwa sa aking kinatatayuan nang marinig ko ang sinabi ni Rhaegar. He…missed her.

“Is she your secretary?” Dinig kong tanong ni Faye sa kaniya. Binalingan ako ng saglit ng tingin ni Rhaegar bago tumango sa kausap niya.

“Hi! I’m Faye, so you’re his new secretary, I guess?” She approached me. Nakita ko pang nakaamba na ang upuang hinila ni Rhaegar para sa kaniya.

I tried to manage a smile for her even when I felt it was hard to compose this time.

“Yes, Ria, Ms. Faye,” pakilala ko sa kaniya.

“Hindi na talaga siya nagtagal sa iisang secretary. How long have you been at your job? Did you have your office on the other floor and not out of his office?” Magkakasunod na tanong niya.

Her soft features made me feel light to have this conversation with her.

“Wala pa akong two months dito, Ms. Faye. And yes, I have my office on the other floor.” I simply answered her every question.

She seems known Rhaegar for a quite long time. Kaya hindi na ako magtataka kung bakit gano’n nalang ang treatment sa kaniya nito. Except for having the ambiance of an angel, I can sense her kind heart.

I sat on the chair next to Rhaegar, at katapat ko si Faye na nakatingin sa kaniya.

The meeting was about to start anytime soon at mukhang hinihintay lang nilang matapos ang dalawa sa pinag-uusapan.

“You still have that scowling look, Rhaegar. You should’ve changed that.” Faye said while her, arms on the cross position.

Rhaegar raised his brow at her before he shooked his head.

“But seriously, you changed a lot.” Faye’s voice became sweet this time.

Rhaegar smirked at her. “You too, Faye.” He hoarsely muttered.

I damp my lower lips and looked away when Rhaegar noticed my stares. Naglikot pa ang mga mata ko at ramdam ko ang titig niya sa akin.

Mabuti nalang at nagsimula na ang meeting at do’n ko sinubukang ituon ang aking paningin. But then ay hindi ko mapigilang mapalunok sa tuwing maririnig ko ang dalawa na mag-usap. Though it’s about the discussion of the upcoming project and suppliers of product ay hindi ko pa rin mapigilan ang sarili kong mapait na mapaiwas ng tingin.

“What you think is what I think, Rhaegar. I know what’s running on your head.”

“You’re not sure of it, Faye.”

Nagtama ang mga tingin namin ni Faye at binigyan ako ng matamis na ngiti. But this time, there is a difference with her smiles.

“What do you think, secretary Ria? Is it better to have stock of the furniture in the warehouse when the project is postponed?” Fate suddenly turned to ask me.

Napatingin din sa akin ang ilan dahil ito rin ang tanong ngayon at palaisipan if ever this least project got postponed due to prioritization for the biggest estate they were planning to construct.

I pursed my lips before I spoke. This is just so simple to think actually. I don’t get why they makes this thing a big deal even it shouldn’t be.

“It’s best to have a contract of the list of furniture and the exact time when we get those from the production instead of stocking it on some warehouses. It’s not good for the company to have a future that is not valuable at the moment. We can buy in time if it’s needed.” I said to them.

Nakatingin ang ilang board members sa akin at sinubukan kong magmukhang hindi kinakabahan kahit na naiilang na ako sa kanilang mga seryosong mga mata.

“But this furniture is not ordinary. It’s a liability and in time became an investment because of its price that changes over time.” Faye retorted.

What kind of furniture is this? Maliban nalang kung antique ang tinutukoy niya, its price increased as the year passed.

“Well, if that’s the case if we bought this furniture we might better have the nicest place to store this stuff. Not just a warehouse or stockroom where we can put stuff and used it if it’s time. And if you’re talking about luxury furniture, it is best to have checked and consult for what it’s best for the furniture place.” I added.

“You are saying that if the stuff we’re going to add to our cart is for the future plans and purposes in time if it’s needed?” Faye asked me again.

I glanced at the older men at the side of me then gaze back at her again.

This is petty. We’re talking about this not that very important thing in this meeting. I mean every businessman had known the very best tactic to this. And it doesn’t make sense at all like it was just common sense.

“Yes, I mean the company supposed to have furniture in time that is needed and not for some kind of its price range increased. Because once the furniture expense is raised, the cost of it to us when we offer it to people can be doubled.” I answered her.

Napatingin ako sa gawi ni Rhaegar na matiim lang na nakatingin at nakikinig sa akin.

“That’s the real mindset of a businessman. But our future plans are to serve and offer people houses that they can afford–” I cutted her off.

I don’t mean to cut her from talking but this is really petty and it’s wasting everyone’s time here inside the conference room.

“So why buy and preserved investments furniture if that’s the case? That is only meant for elites families who can only afford those. But if our goal here is to offer people an affordable one, we can buy furniture in time when it’s needed. The not only liability and investment furniture. Because to have better furniture is what matters for some cheap buyers and not the cost of its price of the product that they will gonna have.” I gulped after I said that.

Nakita kong mawala ang ngiting nakaguhit sa labi ni Faye. Then it slowly turns into a smirk.

“That’s a great one defense I guess,” she then mumbled to me.

Hindi ko na magawa pang makinig sa meeting dahil naging abala na at kung saan saan na lumipad ang isip ko. Why would Faye ask me those simple and petty questions? Does she think that I have nothing to know about that stuff? I feel sad for her to think of me that way.

Tahimik lang akong naglakad papasok ng opisina habang si Rhaegar ay nahuli pa muna at naiwan sa conference room kasama si Faye. Natapos ang meeting at hindi ko na nagawa pang makinig pagkatapos akong tanungin ng gano’n.

Nanlulumo akong naupo sa aking swivel chair at bahagyang isinubsob ang aking mukha sa aking braso na nakapatong sa ibabaw ng lamesa ko.

Pakiramdam ko tuloy ay ang tanga tanga ko. That was what my grandpa always made me feel like. He asked me stupid things that he thinks I can’t even dare to answer because he believes that I have known nothing.

He thinks that I’m stupid enough to not think and compensate for that kind of stuff. But to be real is that I enjoyed business. I love working and evaluating every strategy and move that every businessman posses. I love how they think deeply and rootedly. I feel like I was born for it kahit na pilit akong tinataboy ng Lolo ko.

De Laughrey’s blood was streaming on my every vein. Even I’m a bastard bitch. Alam at ramdam kong tunay akong anak ni Dad kahit na sa labas. They have my proof and DNA test to it kahit na malaki na ako, just for them to really get what is truth. Itanggi man iyon ni Lolo ng ilang beses ay ’yon ay dahil sa hindi niya ako matatanggap.

Mapait akong napangiti at tumayo mula sa aking upuan. Tumalikod ako at tinanaw ang syudad. I slowly sighed as I rest my mind from that painful thought.

I’m not a De Laughrey anymore. I’m a Reyes now.

“Rhaegar come on, kadarating ko lang kahapon and just one favor Hindi mo mapaburan. How could you decline me, are you for real?” I heard a woman’s voice.

Napaikot ako at bumaling sa pintuan nang bumukas iyon at pumasok si Rhaegar at Faye.

“Let’s do that favor of yours the other time.” Rhaegar hinted.

“But there will be no next time. And if ever na meron that will take a long time to happen. Come on,”

“Pag-iisipan ko Faye,” ani Rhaegar na napatingin sa akin at napako ng sandali.

“Oh, secretary Ria what you are doing here in Rhaegar’s office?” Nag-iwas ako ng tingin mula kay Rhaegar at binalingan si Faye na bakas sa mukha ang gulat at pagtataka na makita akong nandito.

Nangapa naman ako ng isasagot ko sa kaniya. Pakiramdam ko ay napaka walang katuwiran ng dahilan na sira ang air-conditioning ng opisina ko.

“Her office was under renovation, so I placed her here.” Rhaegar sternly answered her question for me as he walked towards his table.

“Oh? But how come you let your secretary near you? Not just near, beside you? I mean, she can have a cubicle with the other employees or either have her office outside your office and not beside you Rhaegar.”

Napaiwas naman ako ng tingin sa sinabi niyang iyon. Naramdaman ko namang nasa akin ang seryosong mga mata ni Rhaegar na nakatutop.

Lumapit ako sa aking lamesa at saka marahang naupo at tinuon ang aking paningin sa aking mga gamit.

“I ordered it,” he growled.

“But she’s just your secretary, Rhaegar, gosh I can’t believe you.” I heard Faye grumbled.

I shut my parted lips. I swallowed hard when I felt the lump stuck in my dried throat. Hindi ko magawang mag-angat ng tingin at nanlulumo lang akong nakayuko habang pinagmamasdan ang mga trabahong tapos ko nang gawin.

“Don’t tell me you bed this woman already and you want to get inside her short skirt again, the reason why you placed her here. Oh gosh, Rhaegar. I’ve known you for years. You can have one whenever you wanted it, and having it here beside you when you feel horny makes her feel special? She’s just the same.” I heard Faye muttered almost in a whisper.

“Faye,” I heard Rhaegar breathily said, stopping her.

My lips parted half-open as my eyes widened a fraction. Nag-angat ako ng tingin kay Rhaegar na ngayon ay may madilim na ekspresyon sa kaniyang mukha na nakatitig sa akin.

Faye glances on my way with her arrogant glares.

Nang maramdaman kong maghuramentado sa kabog ang aking puso ay tumayo na ako at nagmamadaling niligpit ang aking mga gamit.

I want to leave. I want to get out of this office. I need… I need to breathe. Hindi ako makahinga. I feel like I’m suffocated and lost of air to breathe.

And when I finally get my bag, I hurriedly walk towards his doorway and went out without looking back.

My eyes watered at pinigilan ko iyon mula sa pagtulo. Ngunit nang makapasok ako ng elevator at tuluyang magsara ang dalawang pintuan nito ay doon na rin tuluyang pumatak ang luhang kanina ko pa pinipigilan.

She’s right. Faye is saying a fact so why would I get hurt, right? I shouldn’t be crying. I’m just his secretary and the woman he gets to fuck.

Kabanata 15

Kabanata 15

Worth

I went home like I’m a mess. Walang buhay akong natawa sa aking sarili at saka pagod na humiga sa aking kama pagkatapos kong mag-shower.

Kelan ba ako umuwi ng bahay na hindi ganito ang pakiramdam. I grew up asking myself if there will be a person who will treat me the way I wanted to be treated. I can never tell nor demand people. I can never tell them why I feel hurt because no one will understand how it feels.

Or it was just me who finds comfort I lost a long time ago. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko pa rin makalimutan ang aking ina. I always asked her through my mind. I never blame her but it just so unfortunate to think that she flees me. I have so much ’if’s running in my head if she’s just only here for me, these things won’t happen.

If she’s just here I never felt like I was always left alone because I have her. If she’s just here I never experience being pestiferous. If she just takes me away with her, I think all of this would never be happen. But then, this was all my if’s that would never be meant to come about.

Tumagilid ako ng higa at mahigpit na niyakap ang isang unan na nasa aking tabi. Mariin kong ipinikit ang aking mga mata at mahinang bumuntong-hininga.

Rhaegar…

He treated me differently. I never expect him to offer me something that I always dream of. He’s different. A cold-hearted, snob, arrogant, and ruthless person I know. I shouldn’t be surprised if one day he fired me and throw me out of his office.

Faye’s words leave a mark. Yna warned me and they are all exactly correct. Rhaegar is a man who only wants to release when he feels it. And at the moment I’m the one he needs to do it.

Let’s change the phrase into ’she can have any woman he wanted without lifting a finger because it’s Rhaegar Sullivan. A bachelor and known wealthy human living. He has everything, and it will be a waste of time spending it on me in a very serious manner.

From Sofi:

Yeah, sure! You know that I’m always down whenever you asked me to.

Ako:

That’s great, thank you. See you there,

I typed in and sent my reply. Hindi ako makatulog at binabagabag ako ng aking mga isipin tungkol kay Rhaegar.

I wear my champagne off-shoulder fitted mini dress and have my tiny purse in my hand as I walked through my car.

I’m heading to a club at BGC like what I planned to do at this hour. I need to party to off this in my head. I need to get him out of my thoughts. He’s taking all my senses every time he’s around but this time I won’t.

Bakit ngayon ko lang ba ’to napagtanto. Do I really think that he’s different from all the men who I have in a relationship in the past? He’s no different, the truth is, he’s more than worst to them.

He’s not my boyfriend but he takes my virginity like I’m some his property that night. Oh well, I let him because I was drunk. And he took that as an advantage. We’re not in a relationship but he has already sex with me. So unlikely to my exes that I never gave myself.

I meet Sofi outside the club. Pumasok ako na kasabay siya na nasa aking tabi at hindi ko maiwasang tingnan ng masama ang mga taong nakakasalubong namin dahil sa aking mga iniisip tungkol kay Rhaegar.

“Wait, Ria, are you fine?” Pigil sa akin ni Sofi na nakahawak sa aking braso.

I gaze at her. “Yeah, don’t mind me. Let’s get booze tonight, alright?” I said and smiled at her to assure her that everything is fine.

Sandaling nangunot ang kaniyang noo at kalaunan ay ngumisi nalang rin siya at umakbay sa aking balikat.

“Alright, you get booze tonight. I’ll watch over you.”

Napabaling naman ako sa kaniya. “What? That’s new, Sofi.” Hindi makapaniwalang ani ko sa kaniya.

“Nakalimutan mo na ba? You bring your car at hindi ka sa akin nakasakay. So if ever you get wasted tonight I’ll guard you. Baka kung ano nalang ang gawin mo at magpasagasa ka nalang sa daan. You’re mostly out of your mind, mabuti ng safe.” She hissed at me.

I grimaced at her because of that thought. Pero mabuti nalang at nandyan siya. Then I smiled at that thought. We take our table far from the crowd. We’re on the corner here on the first floor at may ilang lumalapit din sa amin. But like the usual me, it’s safer to avoid boys. Kaso ay mukhang masugid ang isang ’to.

“Can I have a sit?” The man with his piercing eyes asked me.

I looked away when I felt his glares deepen.

“Yeah,” I heard Sofi answered.

The man smiled alluringly then sat in front of us. I was holding my glass and take a sip on it.

“So what these two ladies, doing in here? You don’t wanna dance? I mean, you’re on the corner. Avoiding someone?” He then asked.

I lifted my gaze on him. He’s dashing with only his black button-down shirt. He’s like Rhaegar but the only difference is that this guy has a very playful smile drew on his lips. He’s a pro with women, that idea played in my head.

“Nope, we just only want to have our drink alone and silently. With no one interrupting us.” I said to him.

Nakita ko naman kung pa’no siyang saglit na matigilan. He copes up immediately then smirked at me.

“If that’s the case, will you let me drink with you?” He asked then glance at Sofi beside me.

Tinaasan lang ako ni Sofi ng dalawang kilay at nakakaloko akong nginitian nang balingan ko rin siya.

“He’s hot, can’t you see that? Let him share on our table. He seems interested in you.” Sofi mumbled on my ear afterward.

Napatingin naman ako sa lalaking nasa harapan ko at nakangiting nakatingin sa aming dalawa.

“Okay,” ani ko.

Mas lumawak ang mapaglarong ngiti nito sa amin. I’m done hurting myself before with the guys, kaya hindi ko na hahayaang maging abo na lang ang lahat ng natitira sa pagkatao ko.

“By the way I’m Sofia and you are?” Mayamaya ay dinig kong tanong ni Sofi rito.

“Sovrano, Ms. Sofi, nice meeting you.” Pormal na aniya.

“Sovrano? Parang narinig ko na before ang pangalan mo.” Sofi muttered.

Sovrano chuckled a bit then glance at me.

“Yeah, I’m quite known. So what’s your friend’s name Sofi?”

Napaangat ako sa kaniya ng tingin.

“Her name is Ria,” naramdaman ko namang balingan ako ng tingin ni Sofi.

Sovrano smiled at me boyishly. I didn’t smiled back. He’s dangerous. He licked his lower lips then eyed me.

“You might be an heiress, you’re stunning.” He said while his eyes glued on me.

“I’m not,” seryoso ko lang na sagot sa kaniya.

“Then what are you?”

A secretary? Ah, no, a whore of Rhaegar? What am I? A bastard bitch? A woman without any worth to have.

What am I?

Halos maguluhan ako sa kaniyang tanong. Pakiramdam ko ay babagsak ako ano mang oras dahil hindi ko rin alam sa sarili ko kung ano nga ba talaga ako.

All my life I live to be as no one.

“Ria, you okay?” I heard Sovrano’s deep large voice asked me.

Napakurap naman ako at natantong nakatingin na rin sa akin si Sofi at mukhang nag-aalala.

“Y-Yes, sorry. Bathroom lang muna ’ko.” Ani ko at hindi na sila binalingan pa ng tingin.

I stood up at diretsong nilakad ang daan patungong bathroom. Nalilito ako at hindi ko maintindihan kung ano bang problema ko ngayon. I know it’s because of Rhaegar, and that’s why I’m here to chill out my mind! I need to get him off my head.

Nang madaanan ko ang hagdan ay huminto ako sa paglalakad nang matanaw ko si Zion na nasa isa sa mga lounge malapit sa dance floor. At nang tingnan ko ang mga kasama niya ay halos mapako ang mga mata ko sa isang lalaki.

Theron is with them but what caught my glance is Rhaegar. They all have their woman beside them. And he’s with a girl besides her as well. Tiningnan ko iyong mabuti ngunit nang mahagip ni Theron ang aking kinatatayuan ay saglit kaming nagkatitigan nito.

Agad akong bumawi ng tingin at mabilis na tumalikod para tunguhin ang bathroom nang bigla akong bumangga nang tinalikuran ko ang gawi nila Zion.

“Hey, you okay?” Napaangat ako ng tingin sa lalaking nakahawak sa aking magkabilang balikat.

“S-Sovrano, what are you doing? I-I’m fine,” ani ko sa kaniya at inalis ang kaniyang dalawang kamay na nakahawak sa aking balikat.

“Sinundan kita cuz you look pale. Are you really okay? Let me guide you to the bathroom.” He probed.

Nang makita ko ang seryosong mga mata niya ay mabilis akong napaiwas ng tingin.

“N-No need, kaya ko naman,” I said as I walked past through him.

Nilagpasan ko siya at nagtuloy tuloy sa paglalakad. Naramdaman ko naman ang mga mabibigat niyang yabag na nakasunod na sa akin ngayon.

Hindi ko iyon pinansin ngunit nang nasa tapat na ako ng womans bathroom ay hindi ko na napigilang harapin siya.

“Sovrano, you don’t need to–” my words cutted off when I saw Rhaegar’s narrowed deep eyes glaring at me.

I gulped when I notice how serious his glare was.

“Rhaegar,” I muttered.

“Sovrano, huh? Is that your new boy? Hmm?” His voice stammered me.

He slowly took another step near me so I stepped back, frightened of him.

His thick eyebrows were almost drawn in line dahil sa sobrang salubong nito.

“W-What are you talking about, Rhaegar?” I stuttered. My lips were half-open as I gaze at him.

His jaw clenched and I notice him breathing heave.

Nagbaba ako ng tingin dahil hindi ko na matagalan ang kaniyang mga titig sa akin. Masyado iyong matalim at mariin.

Tinalikuran ko siya at mabilis na pumasok ng bathroom. I shut the door sa takot na baka buksan niya pa iyon. I swallowed the lamp that stuck in my throat as I looked at myself in the mirror.

Mabilis at habol ko ang aking hininga na animong kinapos ako sa hangin kanina nang lumapit siya sa akin. Ano bang ginagawa niya? He’s confusing me.

Nakita ko siya kanina na may kasamang babae sa kaniyang table and now he’s here. He’s garbling my mind.

I washed my hand at the sink and went to the cubicle. Nang lumabas ako ng cubicle after a minute ay napatingin ako sa babaeng nakatayo sa harap ng sink ngayon at nag-aayos ng kaniyang sarili.

Her eyes caught my way towards the mirror. She smiled at me. Her angelic aura made me smiled at her back, strained.

“Ria, you’re here,” Faye muttered as she put her red lipstick on.

Lumapit ako sa tabi niya para humarap sa salamin at kinuha ang aking maliit na pressed powder sa aking purse. Ignoring what she said.

“Sinong kasama mo? Or are you even with someone?” Her soft brows raised a bit.

I pressed my powder under my eyes. “Oo, I’m with my friend.” I simply answered, don’t have any idea on my mind to make this conversation long.

Nakatingin lang ako sa aking repleksyon. I saw her on my peripheral vision arraging her things. Tapos na siguro.

Hindi ko maiwasang mapangiti ng mapait nang maalala ko ang sinabi niya tungkol sa akin kay Rhaegar sa opisina. Baka dahil kilala niya lang si Rhaegar na gano’n nga. And she only thinks of me kaya niya iyon nasabi. At kung hindi niya rin iyon sinabi, hindi ako matatauhan sa mga pinaggagagawa namin ni Rhaegar.

“Uhm, about what I said to Rhaegar, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. But I mean to say it to him though.” Anito na may seryosong mga matang nakatitig sa aking repleksyon sa salamin.

I stopped and fixed my things. Nagbaba ako ng tingin sa aking purse at ibinalik do’n ang pressed powder ko.

“I understand,” tangi kong sagot at hindi na siya binalingan pa ng tingin.

Naglakad ako palabas at nilagpasan siya.

“You’re leaving me? I’m not yet done, I have more to say.” She stated that made me stop from taking another step out of here.

I didn’t want any commotion and with her soft features, I believe she will not gonna do it.

“What is it?” Nanatili akong nakatalikod sa kaniya nang sinabi ko iyon.

Naramdaman ko siyang maglakad at pumwesto sa aking harapan. Her soft features making me want to puke because of her fake expressions.

“I have a welcome party this Saturday. I want you to come that day. I’ll send you the details in the office tomorrow.”

“I’m not–”

“You’re coming. I didn’t condone the refusal to accept my invitation. Are we clear? See you then.” She said, disclosing, then she opens the door to leave and walk past me.

Nang malawak na bumukas ang pintuan ay nakita kong nakatayo si Rhaegar sa labas at mukhang may hinihintay.

Nagbaba ako ng tingin at naisip na baka si Faye iyong hinihintay niya.

“Aiden,”

I almost jump in my place when I heard his cold large voice called me.

When I lifted my glance to him ay nakita kong madilim ang mga mata nitong nakatingin sa akin. Faye is standing in front of him, smiling like she’s waiting for me to come out.

“Let’s talk,” nahihimigan ko ang lamig at pagsusumamo nang sabihin niya iyon.

I looked at him then glanced in Faye’s way. She raised her eyebrows then lips parted on me.

“Anong pag-uusapan niyo?” Faye retorted.

Hindi siya binalingan ni Rhaegar ng tingin at nananatili sa akin ang kaniyang mga mata.

“I have nothing to say, excuse me.” I hurriedly said then walked out.

“Eleftheria Aiden,” but when Rhaegar’s voice humid hit me,

I stopped. Catching my breathe like I can’t find my way to escape these thumped heartbeats that started eating my chest.

“Faye, wait for me in our lounge. I just have to talk to her.” I heard him said.

I didn’t move, remain standing while them on my back. May bumubulong sa aking umalis na ako dahil wala naman kaming dapat na pag-usapan. But half of me wants to stay for some reason I didn’t understand. It’s my heart who’s remain beating loudly, screaming that I should stay.

Hindi ko na narinig pa ang pinag-usapan nila ni Faye at nakita ko nalang itong naglakad at umalis patungong lounges nila.

I felt his presence behind me. I didn’t move and remain stoic.

“Baby, let’s talk.” I froze when I heard his hoarse voice behind my ears. His hot breath touches my neck. It sent shivers down my spine that makes my heartbeat doubled that it was before.

Naramdaman ko pang hawakan nito ang nakalabas kong balikat cuz I’m wearing an off-shoulder dress. Mas lalong naghuramentado sa pag-alpas ang kabig ng aking puso sa malamyos niyang paghaplos sa akin.

I swallowed hard, “Anong ba ang dapat na pag-usapan natin?” I manage not to stutter.

His hot breath remains on touching my skin while his hand continuously lying on my shoulder. Tracing invisible lines.

“Let’s go somewhere else. I want us in private.” He huskily grumbled.

If we talk somewhere in private I know where this talk can bring us, and I don’t want it to happen again. Is that how he really sees me?

Hindi ako ganon katanga para hindi isipin na ’yun ang gusto niyang mangyari. Kating kati na ba siya at wala pang isang araw ng mangyari ang sa opisina niya ay hinahabol na naman niya ako. Sabagay, ako lang naman ang nakinabang don sa ginawa niya. But I’m pretty sure that he enjoys watching me lost my sanity while his fingers inside me.

So that’s my value to him. His egresses. I smiled bitterly. At least now someone is putting a worth on me. But in a way that can still hurt my feelings and dignity.

“Okay,” pagod at nanlulumo kong sagot sa kaniya.

If that’s what he wants, then I’ll give him that.

He held my hand and instantly pulled me out of the club. I was not in my proper state of mind. I’m getting a hard time recognizing what is right and wrong.

I’m letting him take me out of the place knowing that it was his intention to me. I’m letting him take me knowing that he’s not making any good to me. I’m letting him take me, and break me for the second time. It’s stupid, I know right. That’s me, a living numb and in stupidity.

Because he made me feel valued…even it’s just in bed.

He opened his car for me. We are now in the parking lot. I roamed my eyes to see if there are people and I saw nothing but a silent and unattended parking lot.

Naramdaman kong hinihintay ako ni Rhaegar na pumasok sa loob ng kaniyang sasakyan. I shifted my glance on him. He’s watching me intently as I glared at him blankly.

Is this what he wants right? He wants to fuck me so he will bring me to a private place.

I took a step near him. I saw how his jaw clenched as his eyes bore hungrily on me.

I smiled. Then I’ll give you it right away. I don’t need privacy.

I pulled his three unbuttoned white button-down shirt then clung my arms onto his nape. I kissed him aggressively and recklessly. Is this what he wants right? Then I’ll give you what you want Rhaegar.

He hugged my waist when he kissed me back. We kiss thoroughly, equally. I flicked my tongue inside his mouth and sucked his. Our tongues fought on their own battle as I disheveled his hair at the back.

I felt him caressed my butt that made me soft groan. My eyes were open as I kissed him nonstop. With no breathing and catching our lost oxygen by our wild kissing.

I saw how he want this. How he craves for my lips. I let my hand slip from the hold on his nape and crawled down to his pants. I felt him huge and his erect iron clad.

His eyes opened and gaze at me thirstily when he felt me touched him there. I glared at him deeply and bit his lower lips severely. He groaned at that. Mas humigpit ang pagpisil nito sa aking pang-upo at mas lalo akong hinapit sa kaniyang katawan.

When I tried to move my hand for a stroke on his bulge I heard him growled.

“Fuck, stop it Aiden.” He mumbled huskily in between our kisses.

I never stop chasing his lips whenever he moved and captured them by my mouth.

Ramdam ko kung paano niyang pigilan ang kaniyang sarili na ipasok ako sa loob ng kaniyang sasakyan ngayon dahil alam niya kung anong mangyayari.

What now, Rhaegar? You want me inside your car, right? Then bring me inside and do whatever you want on me. Fuck me, like what I think you will do in no time.

I stroke his erect manhood as I caressed the tip of his shaft.

“Aiden, I’m warning you,” he said sharply. His eyes were fuming with carnal desire.

“Then warned me, I won’t stop anyway,” I muttered flatly then kissed him again.

But then, his hand held my shoulders and pushed me a bit. Making our kisses stop. Making my hand rest on his huge bulge pants. I saw how his brows furrowed.

My chest heave as I glared at him. His eyes were gravelly glancing at me now.

Inilayo niya ako at gumawa siya ng distansya sa pagitan naming dalawa.

“I said we’ll talk, Aiden–”

“We’re talking Rhaegar, what kind of conversation you want us to have?” I asked him with a hint of derision.

His jaw moved then he looked away. He left my shoulders and turned back on me.

“Aiden, we’ll talk about this–”

“What are we going to talk about, Rhaegar? Stop fooling me around.”

I know that you just only want to fuck me. Like what other men tried to do a long time ago.

Hinarap niya ako at kita ko ang talim sa mga mata niya. That’s him. Always fumed and mad with something I never get to know if why.

“Why are you mad?” He then asked me intently.

I chuckled, humorlessly. Seriously? He’s the one asking me why am I mad? E’ siya nga ’tong mas mukha pang galit sa aming dalawa.

“Seriously, Rhaegar? You get to asked me that?” Hindi makapaniwala kong tanong sa kaniya.

Humakbang siya palapit sa akin. I didn’t step back.

“Yes, so tell me what is wrong,” his voice became subtle and breathily this time.

I looked away. Ayan na naman siya sa malalambing niyang pananalita. He’s being soft again like he wasn’t used to be. Sometimes I doubt it. And it scared me every time he speaks this way.

“Aiden, tumingin ka sa’kin.”

He was catching my sight. He cupped my jaw and faced me to him. My eyes were shivered in doubt and wearied as I gaze at him back.

“B-Bumalik ka na sa loob. H-Hinihintay ka na ni Faye.” I stutteringly said to him.

“Fuck, I want us to talk Aiden.”

“Rhaegar, I can’t do this, we shouldn’t do this,” I said weakly, at ang pagod at malalim nitong mga mata ay mariing nakatitig sa akin.

“Then I’ll help you figure this out.”

My eyes caught his mouth when he licked his lower lips.

“Rhaegar…” I whispered weakly.

Hinapit niya ang aking baywang at idinikit ang kaniyang noo sa aking ulo.

“We’ll figure this out together, alright?” He huskily muttered like he knows what I’m struggling about.

I nod my head. Hindi ko na alam kung ano ang ginagawa ko. Ang tanging alam ko lang ay gusto ng puso kong maramdaman siya sa mga oras na ito.

Inalalayan niya akong makapasok ng kaniyang sasakyan. He went in and drove it. I felt like I was in a cloud lying there peacefully as I looked at the car outside as we headed to our condominium.

Tahimik kaming bumaba ng sasakyan at tumungo ng elevator. But the moment we got inside I immediately pulled him and grip my hands on his nape.

I want him just for tonight. Alam kong ito lang ang gusto niya sa’kin and I want to feel like I wanted at least just for tonight. No one wanted me and it’s just me who made me feel this way.

Marahas akong napasandal sa dingding ng elevator. He kissed me back and I equaled his hunger.

Kahit ngayon lang ay maramdaman ko na may halaga ako. Kahit ngayon lang ay maramdaman ko muling may gustong makasama ako. Kahit ngayon lang…

He pushed me down to his bed as he hurriedly removed his clothes. He kissed my neck and licked, sucked my hardened peaks when he finally freed my healthy breast. I arched my back when I felt his hand massage my sensitive clit.

His tongue sent shivers and made my stomach churning as he glided in between my peaks. The pleasure he was giving me when his hand instantly filled my folds makes my head lost its sanity.

This is what he only wants and I admit that I wanted it too. But am I too greedy to want him more than the pleasure he was giving me? I want us more than what we are now.

But I will literally be in my dreams if that’s going to happen. Hindi iyon mangyayari kahit na kailan. Masyado siyang malayo para maabot. Masyado siyang mataas kumpara sa isang katulad kong anak lang sa labas. He has more to receive and to take, much more than to compare on me.

Mariin kong ipinikit ang aking mga mata.

“Uhh, Rhaegar, fuck me!” I screamed when he started thrusting inside me.

His eyes were watching me with erotic and carnal desires. I bit my lips when he sucked my mounds as he moved inside me. He was huge and long.

“Damn it, you’re so fucking tight baby.” He groaned when I started grinding my body.

Napaliyad ako nang mas ibinaon niya pa ang kaniyang sarili sa aking kaibuturan.

“That feels good, uhh,” I moaned as I felt him hit my perfect spot.

He then moved and fasten his pace as my growls continuously filled the room. Hindi ko alam kung saan ko ibabaling ang aking ulo sa sobrang sarap na idinudulot niyon sa aking katawan.

He gripped my waist. His body hammering me as I grind myself with him in unison. Making our own beat together. Moving wildly and rapidly. Our bed squeaked in so many movements we are both having and sharing.

“I-I’m coming, Rhaegar,” I growled when I felt something familiar inside my stomach is building up.

His heated eyes bore on me as he held my waist and hammered himself more and more like he was also on the verge.

“Fuck, I’m coming.” He groaned then his thrust became rougher and tougher every time that makes me moaned in so much pleasure, whensoever he hit me in all the right spots.

And in no time, I convulsed in elation. It’s the feeling of ecstasy after a long draining work.

He continuously hammered himself inside me, rougher and stronger. Until he groaned as he went through and his hotspur libation on my stomach.

We are both panting and catching our breath as we reach our peaks. He was sweating bullets, so am I. He then crouched for a kiss and when he bit my lower lips, I felt him grew again. His growing iron tool became to be massive again, brushing against my lower abdomen.

I kissed him back hungrily again like we haven’t lost our strength from our rough movements.

Just for tonight, I felt that I wanted and have worth by having him inside me. I will not care if this is how he wanted me. All it matters to me is that I’m having my worth. Even it’s the way of giving him temporary pleasure. I still matter. I matter now.

A tear escaped down to the side of my cheeks as we reach our second-time climaxes.

“Fuck me, Rhaegar…uhhh, fuck me like I’m yours.” Fuck me like I’m the woman that you will throw on the next few coming days. I mumbled breathily that he can’t almost hear.

This will be the last, so make it worthwhile, Rhaegar. I won’t make my heart broke in two again after this.

Kabanata 16

Kabanata 16

Yours

Nagising akong wala sa aking tabi si Rhaegar. Inilibot ko ang aking mga mata sa paligid at nakitang wala siya ro’n.

I’m wearing his plain white shirt and his boxer when I had surveyed myself.

I let a heavy sigh then I sat on his bed. Nasapo ko ang aking noo at marahang iniyuko ang aking mukha sa aking brasong nakapatong sa aking tuhod.

What happened last night remained that night. I did that because I want to cage myself this time. I want to set boundaries now between my heart and desires. Hindi ko na pwedeng hayaang masaktan akong muli.

I’ve been hurt too much from my past at ngayong alam kong iba na itong nararamdaman ko, I had to set my limitation. I can’t let myself suffer for the same reason. I won’t let myself suffer from the same heartache.

And Rhaegar will be able to hurt me twice as much as the pain my past has caused me.

It will be the last. I can’t be left behind like I was before. I am no longer the one who used to always be left in tears because I am the only one who really loves them.

Nag-angat ako ng tingin at mariin ang timpi ng aking mga labi. Tumayo ako at hinanap ang aking mga damit. I need to leave now.

Habang wala siya ay aalis na ako. That’s it for him, it’s just casual sex kaya wala akong ipag-aalala kung aalis ako ngayon dahil hindi niya naman niya ako pag-aaksayahan ng oras para hanapin. He wouldn’t be bothered if his secretary leaves his condo without him knowing.

Nang makita ko iyong nakalagay sa gilid ng mga towel sa basket na mukhang bagong laundry ay kinuha ko agad. It was in his bathroom at mukhang nalabhan na nga ang damit ko.

I wore it and without any ado, I went out of his room. I never saw his footsteps all over his condo as I went downstairs.

But when I walked past through his kitchen, I halt from lifting my foot for another step.

My eyes didn’t blink as I heard Rhaegar’s voice. There was only one wall blocking the two of us that separates our place.

“What? I don’t care if she’s coming. Matagal na siyang nawala, I don’t need her anymore,”

“Rhaegar, are you out of your mind? She’s just your fucking secretary and you get over her anytime soon. I know you and you know yourself better than anyone else.” It was a womans voice.

Napayuko ako at mariing ikinuyom ang aking mga kamay.

“Faye, how’d you know-”

“Oh gosh, we’ve been together for a long time.”

So it’s Faye she was having a conversation with. Maybe they were really together. Ako lang naman ’tong nagbubulag bulagan na walang namamagitan sa kanilang dalawa.

When Faye come into us, she had been an air that opens up Rhaegar personality. Not his whole self but I see that he’s kind to her. She treated her very differently. Very unusual treatment when it comes to me.

Humakbang ako para makita silang dalawa. Wala akong balak na magpakita sa kanila, I just want to see them. I just want to hurt myself to stop these crazy beats of my heart.

“Tell me that you see her the way you see other women. You’ll just break her heart like what you did to others. Ilan na ba’ng babae ang binasura mo pagkatapos mong gamitin-”

“Shut up, Faye. You didn’t know anything.”

“I know, Rhaegar. You can’t lie to me.” Faye muttered as she glared at Rhaegar’s way.

My eyes were weakly watching Rhaegar’s eyes. His brows were furrowed and his jaw moving but I can see through deeply gazing on him that it was glinting in sadness.

Faye walked near him and held his shoulder.

“You didn’t move on, you’re still stuck on your past.” She uttered softly that I almost shivered.

Mariing nakatitig ang mga mata ni Rhaegar kay Faye.

I looked away when I can’t take any longer watching them. Tumalikod na ako at naglakad na patungong pintuan.

She’s Rhaegar’s ex-girlfriend? He’s still stuck to her, is that what she meant? He’s not yet over with her and now that she’s back they can finally continue their stopped love story.

And all this time I was used…again.

I chuckled bitterly as I wiped my lone tear escaped. Kita ko sa aking repleksyon sa salamin ng elevator ang pagod ko ng mga mata.

He used me like what my exes do. Hindi nga ako nagkamali. He’s just like them, no, he’s more than worst to them.

He has me on those days we spend the night together. And l let him last night to have me more than once. Gano’n lang naman din ang tingin niya sa akin, gaya ng mga babaeng nagamit niya at tinapon nalang kalaunan nang hindi na mapakinabangan.

He really is the man I assume he was. Bakit ba ang tanga ko at hinayaan ko siya.

Pagkabukas na pagkabukas ko ng pintuan ng aking condo ay kwarto ko agad ang tinungo ko. Pabagsak akong nahiga sa aking kama at ibinaon ang aking mukha sa unan.

Pinaniwala ko lang ang sarili kong may tao nang nagpapahalaga sa akin. I just let myself believe in those lies that he has more than what he wants from me. That he’s into something serious but who would buy that thought?

He dated me, no, it was just a plain and nothing deeper meaning dinner. But I’m so stupid for assuming that we’re doing it on purpose. That we’re having it romantically. But who am I fooling here? Myself.

We’re having pure sex because of lust. It was just our desires and sex drives that we can’t handle whenever he’s around me.

He showed me affection. That’s the reason why I become into this. He was different when we were just the two of us. I became vulnerable because of his subtle voice. I became stupid that it all happened to fall into something deeper.

Nag-stay lang ako ng kwarto ko at hindi na nagawa pang lumabas. Nanghihina ako at pakiramdam ko ay pagod na pagod akong gumalaw.

Nakaupo ako sa aking kama at nakasandal ang aking likod sa headboard. I manage to reply to Sofi’s messages for me last night dahil hindi na ako nakabalik ng table namin after I went for the bathroom.

I tell her my excuses because she’s frantically worried about me.

From Sofia:

Pupunta ako mamaya ng unit mo. Tell me what’s happening.

She keeps on texting me that I have to tell her what is going on. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ba siya nakakaramdam but then I feel like I have nothing to open up.

Ako:

I’m fine Sofi, you don’t have to come!

But then she called me after I text her that.

“Pupunta pa rin ako kahit ayaw mo,” she said from the other line. Ramdam ko ang inis niya para sa akin.

I sighed, “Fine,” I said in defeat.

“Make sure you’re really okay pagpunta ko d’yan. Cuz if you’re not, humanda ka sa’kin Eleftheria.”

Bumagsak ang tingin ko sa aking kama nang sabihin niya iyon.

“Thank you,” I mumbled.

“Huh? Anong ’thank you?” Takang tanong niya sa akin.

“Thank you for caring for me. Thank you for being my best friend that I can always count on kahit na hindi ako gano’n ka-open.”

Tahimik kong pinakinggan ang kabilang linya na natahimik din saglit. I heard her sighed.

“Ria, ano ka ba? I’m like your sister, and you treated me like your real sibling. Pag-usapan natin ’to mamaya, okay? I know something is up but you can’t just tell me and I feel bad about it. I want you to know that I’m always just here. Tayo lang din naman ang magdadamayan.”

Malungkot akong napangiti. Right, she’s the only one I have.

The call ended and I feel so blue. Si Sofi lang ang huling tao na alam kong hindi ako iaabandona. I’m so thankful that God sent her to me.

Mas lalo akong nanlumo nang maalala ko si Dad. I missed him…so much.

Kumusta na kaya siya? Is he doing great? Maayos na ba ang lagay niya? If he’s getting better now, sana umuwi na siya. I need his embrace this big time. I missed his presence.

Nang marinig kong tumunog ang aking cellphone na nasa side table ay pagod kong binalingan iyon ng tingin.

It’s Sunday kaya wala rin naman akong pasok. But if this is just my notif from my emails ay hindi ko na rin ginawa pang tingnan. But when it beeped for the second time ay kinuha ko na.

My lips parted when my screen shows up Rhaegar’s name. He texted me. My heart swelled as I think if I should read his message.

He texted me twice and I feel obligated to read his message even the truth is I’m not. Or maybe it’s just my heart who’s excited for what he’ll say for me. Ganito na ba talaga katindi ang nararamdaman ko para sa kaniya?

It is not healthy for me. I frowned as I swallowed hard. Ako lang ang maiiwan sa huli. Ako nanaman ang iiwanan sa huli. Lalo na sa katulad niya, he’s far more than Tommen because he can be more than him. At ngayon pa lang ay sasabihin ko ng natatakot ako. Nakakatakot mahalin ang isang tulad niya.

Mariin ako pumikit at marahas na bumuntong-hininga bago tuluyang binuksan ang kaniyang message.

From Rhaegar:

Nasaan ka?

From Rhaegar:

Why did you leave without letting me know?

Saglit pa akong natigilan at binasang muli ang kaniyang mensahe. Napalunok ako at saka pinatay ang aking phone, ibinalik ko itong muli sa ibabaw ng maliit na table sa tabi ng aking kama.

Ikinalma ko ang aking sarili at mas isinandal ang aking ulo sa headboard.

I exhaled. I don’t need his words that have some spells that alluring me. I even thought he wouldn’t recognize that I leave. Faye was there, of course, they probably have some time together.

Sweet moments that we never had because we usually argue and have sex later on. Plain and neutral.

Napaisip pa ako kung ilang babae na kaya ang naikama niya sa condo unit niya? O sa opisina niya? How ill I am to think that I’m the first he fucked on his bed. Bago ako nandyan na si Faye, and lots of women have him first before it was me.

When my phone beeped again ay hindi ko na iyon kinuha pa. I don’t want to stab myself, sarili ko lang naman ang pinapaasa ko. Sarili ko lang naman ang lolokohin ko.

I’m fine with my records of heartache in the past and I have no plans to have someone beat that record.

Hindi ko namalayang nakatulog ako sa sobrang pag-iisip. When I woke up I feel like I’m sick. But then it’s just my feeling. I’m alright, maybe it because I’m exhausted and I just only need some rest at magiging maayos na rin naman ako.

It’s near twelve o’clock when I took a glance from my clock. I haven’t eaten my breakfast and I’m starving now. I decided to stand up on my bed and went out of my room to cook some food for my lunch.

Nang makalabas ako ng kwarto ko ay tinungo ko ang kitchen at nanlalata kong binuksan ang fridge at nakitang wala na pala akong stock na pagkain. Nang tinungo ko ang pantry sa taas ay halos mapanguso ako ng makitang wala ni isang can goods nor cup noodles do’n.

But when I open the next pantry ay nakita kong may isang noodles pa ro’n. I get it and immediately boiled water to cook it. I ate it in my living area at nang pakiramdaman kong hindi ako nabusog niyon ay naisipan kong lumabas nalang at magtungo ng supermarket to have some groceries and meat to stock on my fridge.

I went back to my room to take a bath before I leave. I wear my cream pants and paired them with my spaghetti strap top tank. Nang makuntento sa sarili ay tumayo na ako mula sa aking vanity.

Nang mahagip ng aking paningin ang cellphone ko sa tabi ng aking kama ay nagtagal iyon don ng sandali. Then later on I frowned and shook my head when my mind remembers his text.

I shouldn’t think of him anymore. It will not make any good to me.

Lumabas na ako ng aking silid at tinungo ang pintuan palabas ng condo. But when I opened the door of my unit I almost step back and wanted to shut my door again.

My breath twitched and my heart thumped when I saw Rhaegar standing in front of my door.

He was glancing at the floor but when I opened my door his serious and deep-set glares lifted on me.

Humigpit ang pagkakahawak ko sa doorknob habang tinititigan siya pabalik. He looked worried but the stern on his gazes was visible.

“Hey,” namamaos ang boses nitong sinabi sa akin.

My heart almost takes its way out of its cage when his subtle husky voice filled my ears. His eyes were now weary watching me.

I felt my throat run dry when my eyes down on his hand, holding a paper bag then back to his gazes again.

“A-Anong ginagawa mo rito?” Ever since he never failed to make me stutter and frightened of him.

“I’m waiting for you,”

Halos mamilog naman ang mga mata ko sa sinabi niya.

“I’ve been waiting here since you left my condo unit.”

My lips half-opened as I looked away. Kanina pa siya nandito sa labas ng unit ko?

“B-Bakit mo pa ako pinuntahan?”

“Because I want to see you. I want to talk to you. I want us to talk.” He hoarsely said then walked inches near to my spaces.

Napalunok naman ako. No, Eleftheria Aiden, you shouldn’t believe this man. He has a past that he hadn’t over yet. I can’t risk myself again. I gave him enough last night at wala nang dapat pang mangyari. It should be done.

“What are we need to talk about?” I asked him.

“Can you just even let me in so we can talk inside in private?” He glances at me then stares afterward.

Private…again. Kaya ako nagiging marupok dahil sa privacy na ’yan.

“We can talk here outside, Mr. Sullivan,” I muttered seriously.

I need to create a barrier to protect myself. He could harm me if I let him took advantage of it like he always used to do.

His weary eyes became weaker as he looked away.

Ngayon ko lang siya nakitang malungkot. He usually in stern and lifeless expression. And my heart makes me want to held his hand and caressed his face for that. But I deter myself. I shouldn’t.

“I bring you breakfast, umalis ka kasi agad ng condo ko habang nagpe-prepare ako ng pagkain natin.” He said with a small smile on his lips, fake and contrary to what his gazes portraying.

And when his eyes darted on me with the serious and same intense like he was used to be ay hindi ko na magawang tagalan ang titig don. Napalunok ako at napaiwas ng tingin.

Naglapat ang tingin ko sa hawak niyang paper bag na may lamang mga pagkain. He made this…for me. My heart won’t stop from its unstoppable throb as my eyes locked on it.

“T-Thank you,” I then muttered when he handed me the food.

I’m craving since earlier that was the reason why I should go out to buy in the supermarket. Hindi ko naman magawang tanggihan ang pagkaing inihanda niya para sa’kin dahil ginugutom pa rin ako.

Ilang segundo pa muna kaming nagkatitigan bago ko tuluyang binuksan ang aking pintuan para patuluyin siya. He gave me food and he said that he just wants us to talk so why wouldn’t I let him inside, right? And I found it’s rude to just let him stay outside after he waits for me for hours.

He should be thankful that I cannot be that rude towards people who still showing me good manners. It was my etiquette to be good as always as I can.

Hawak ko ang paper bag na ibinigay niya sa akin nang pumasok siya sa loob. I then closed my door nang makapasok na siya.

He’s watching me as I walked near the sofas. I remember him being here in my condo when Tommen happened to harass me. He saved me that night, he saved my life twice. And I owe him that.

“Maupo ka, ilalagay ko lang muna sa kitchen ’to.” Ani ko sa kaniya na nakatayo lang at mukhang walang balak na maupo. Nananatiling seryoso na nakatitig sa akin. Pinapanood ang bawat galaw ko.

I shouldn’t be captivated by his alluring glares on me. I said to myself inside my mind.

Tumalikod na ako at hinayaan nalang muna siya. Ibinaba ko sa counter ang paper bag na hinanda niya at nang binuksan ko iyon ay umalingasaw ang masarap na amoy niyon sa akin. Did he really make this?

“Aiden,” his voice nearly startled me from behind me.

Hinarap ko siya at halos maduling ako sa lapit niya sa akin. He was inches away from me. We are so near, so close to each other’s bodies. Naamoy ko pa ang mabango niyang amoy na madalas magpawala ng katinuan ko.

I stepped back and swallowed hard.

“Mr. Sullivan, we can talk in the living area.” Nakaiwas ang tingin kong sinabi sa kaniya.

Naramdaman kong maglakad pa siya palapit sa akin dahilan para sakupin ang iilang pulgadang pagitan namin. Nang mag-angat ako sa kaniya ng tingin ay napalunok ako.

I stepped back for the second time but he keeps on moving forward so I stepped back again until my back bumps against the countertop.

Huminto lang siya nang maramdaman niyang wala na akong maaatrasan pa.

Mabilis ang kabig ng aking dibdib dahil sa sobrang lapit ng kaniyang katawan sa akin. His eyes narrowed on me. His jaw was clenched like he was controlling his temper.

“M-Mr. Sullivan-”

“Three, I’ll punish you once you said that name for the fourth time again, Aiden. I’m warning you.” He humidly muttered.

“What do you want, Rhaegar?” Tanong ko sa kaniya, ngayon ay bahagyang nabubuhayan na ng loob.

I shouldn’t be frightened of him. I remain staring.

Nang humakbang siyang muli at magdikit na ang aming mga katawan ay mabilis akong napahawak sa kaniyang dibdib.

“R-Rhaegar,” hindi ko maintindihan ang naging tambol ng puso ko nang hawakan niya ang aking pisngi. My hands remain on his chest, preparing to push him away when his hand held me.

Nagbaba ang mga mata niya sa pagitan ng aking nakaawang na labi. Ang mga mata ko naman ay naglilikot at nalilito sa kung ano ba ang dapat kong gawin.

My heart thumped like I was alive by his touch but my mind keeps on reminding me that it wasn’t right. This will be caused me pain but part of me wants to risk that.

“I want that better, baby.” He huskily muttered.

Then his hand caressed my cheeks. It sent me a familiar ecstatic of electricity when his large hand gently fondled me.

I shouldn’t win my heart. This will cause me to pain that I can not take in time.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kaniya at itinulak siya ng bahagya. He didn’t even flinch when I pushed him. He remained standing near and closer to me.

“Rhaegar, can you please stay away from me?” I said then lift my glares on him.

Nakita kong gumalaw ang panga niya at dumilim ang mga mata niyang mariing nakatitig sa akin.

“Is that what you want?” Paos ang boses niyang tanong sa akin.

Nagbaba ako ng tingin sa kamay kong nananatiling nasa kaniyang dibdib.

“Yes,”

“Then I won’t,” matigas niyang ani.

I shrieked when he scooped my body. He picked me up and sat me on the countertop.

I clung to his shoulders for the fear I might fall when he picked me up. Ang lapit ng mukha namin sa isa’t isa. Nararamdaman ko ang mainit nitong hininga na tumatama sa aking pisngi.

My heart race inside my chest as my lips parted. Naglapat ang aming mga tingin ngunit kalaunan ay inalis ko ang braso kong nakahawak sa kaniyang dalawang balikat.

“Put me down, Rhaegar.” Mahinahon kong utos sa kaniya.

“No, we’ll talk about this.” Mariin nitong sinabi.

Nananatili ang titigan namin sa isa’t isa. His eyes rage as they bore to me.

“Tell me what’s bothering you,”

My mouth shut up, nag-iwas ako ng tingin.

Nakabakod naman ang dalawang kamay nito sa magkabilang gilid ng aking mga hita.

“Tell me, Aiden, or I’ll make you speak up for it.” Matalim nitong sinabi at nang mag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya ay nasa aking dibdib ang kaniyang mga mata.

His eyes lifted back again on me. And now it was intense and menacing.

“Come on baby, baka hindi ko na mapigilan ang sarili ko.” He said then his eyes crawled on my chest then up to my parted lips.

Ang mga kulisap sa aking sikmura na kanina’y nananahan ay ngayong nagsisiliparan at nagpupumilit na lumabas.

Naging mabigat ang aking paghinga nang ang kamay ni Rhaegar ay mabilis na hinapit ang aking baywang.

My heart began to beat rapidly.

Then his menacing glares locked on my parted lips. The moment was quick and very intended.

Those dark glares I can’t seem to stare was very arousing. I tried to stop myself but I guess it wasn’t my very best.

His mouth captured mine as he pulled me more closer to him. My hands were on his nape now, disheveling the back of his head and pulling him more for intense and craving kisses.

When I felt his tongue as I let my guards down inside my mouth, he then sucked mine and nipped my lower lips. Then a soft moaned escaped my mouth when he intentionally bites my lower lip.

I groaned while I tweak his hair. I’m catching my own breath when he moved his lips out from our hunger kisses.

Naliliyo ang mga mata kong nakatunghay sa kaniya. His eyes were brooding and his lips had a ghost of a smile.

“Now look at me in the eyes and tell me that you want me to stay away from you.” He muttered hoarsely.

Hindi ako nakaimik. I want to glance at him back but I just can’t. I badly want him to stay away from me because I know that he will do no good to me. He will do no good to my system every time his dark menacing glares arousing me.

“Tell me what’s bothering you, Aiden.” He then said in a deep husky voice after I didn’t speak up.

“N-Nothing–”

“Hush, I don’t accept and tolerate lies, baby” He mumbled validly.

Napalunok ako ron. Lumipad ang mga mata ko sa sa kanyang balikat na hanggang ngayon ay hinahawakan ko pa rin pala.

“I’m just your secretary, Rhaegar. We shouldn’t be doing this.” I said, almost in a whisper.

“You’re my precious secretary, Aiden. I don’t care what they say.”

“I don’t care what they say either. But I have cared for what we are, Rhaegar.” I pronounced, this time I lifted my gazes on him.

I’m not saying this because he’s my boss. I didn’t plan to be in a commitment with him either because who thinks he will ever be in that kind of situation. He would never dare. A man like him would never dare to be committed.

Seryoso at mas nagdilim pa lalo ang tingin nito sa akin. His jaw even moved as I glanced at him softly. I’m saying it wholeheartedly.

“Rhaegar, nasaktan na’ko noon. Nasaktan na ako ng maraming beses at sa iisang dahilan. I want to be freed. I wanted to heal. I wanted to be loved. But they all do was to hurt me and throw me away like I’m some trash.” My heart swelled as I remembered my past.

I feel hurt and in pain every time those nightmares of my past flashed on my mind again. It was fresh at the back of my head. It feels like it was all happened just yesterday.

Those men who had hurt me. Those women who had insulted me. My grandpa, my stepmom, and my half-sister. They were all I had but they poured me out of nothing.

I felt his large calloused hand held my jaw to captured my glares.

“Ayaw ko ng masaktan ulit, Rhaegar. I-I’ve tried to stop myself but my heart…it was too weak when it comes to you.” My sight is getting vague as I watched him glared at me darkly.

“I won’t hurt you, baby. I promise,” he said in a deep husky voice.

My breath halt and my eyes wearily look at him.

“I’m scared that you will just do the same, Rhaegar…” I then allude.

His dark eyes shadowed and glint with glum. His mouth dramatically half-open, searching for the right words he’ll come to say.

“I will try my best not to, Aiden. But please, baby…let me.” He solemnly muttered.

My decision was definite earlier. But my heart will crash into pieces if I won’t let myself happy at least in the meantime. I admit that I guarded myself but little did I know I lost the sentries and now I’m lost in the wilderness.

Find out that I was caught by him. And now that I found my way back home, I’m confused if I should let him caught me or just go and leave him now for my own sake.

But it isn’t me if I shouldn’t risk.

“Aiden, trust me. I will do my very best to make you happy, to make you feel that you are freed. That…you are worthy baby, I want you to have the best and that is what I will aim to make for you if you let me. If you let us be together.” His voice was making my heart beat rapidly.

He tilted his head and caught my sight. His eyes were now weary and delicate as he staring at me.

Inangat ko ang kamay kong nakapatong sa kaniyang balikat. Ang kamay niyang kaninang humahawak sa aking panga ay nasa gilid na ng aking mga hita ngayon.

I lift my hand to hold his stubborn jaw. Nanghihina at pagod ang mga mata kong hinaplos iyon. He shut his eyes like he was savoring my held. I caressed his jaw and felt it moved.

He seems in relief. The ruthless and rageful man I know looked tamed as I softly caressed his face.

“I gave you myself without any hesitation. You have me since that night, Rhaegar. You owned me, and it was only your words that keeping me from saying that I’m yours.” I breathily uttered.

Nakita kong matigilan siya. He opened his eyes and showed in me with a glint of tenderness.

“If you just heard what I had said that first night, you wouldn’t think it this way. I owned you now, Eleftheria Aiden. Mine and only for me, baby.” He growled in a low husky voice.

Kabanata 17

Kabanata 17

Promise

Nakayuko ako at nananatiling hindi siya tinitingnan sa mga mata. He prepared and arranged the foods he brought for me earlier and now ay kakatapos lang namin kumain.

The dining room was filled in awkwardness as we finished our meal. Nananatili akong nakaupo at ramdam ko ang seryoso at malalim nitong mga titig sa akin.

I didn’t know if what happened earlier is real. I still can’t believe that we’re now on this kind of setup. What I said earlier comes naturally but what about him? He seems true to his words as well, though part of me was still searching if he really meant it.

Tumayo ako para ligpitin ang pinagkainan namin. But he stood up and tried to snatch the plates from my hand.

“Ako na,” he insisted.

Naglapat ang mga mata namin at ilang segundo rin ay nag-iwas agad ako ng tingin. Hindi ko kayang tagalan, naiilang at mabilis ang nagiging kabog ng dibdib ko.

“Ako na ang maghuhugas ng pinggan. Ikaw na ang naghain kanina kaya, ako na dito.” I said then glanced at him.

He stared at me for a while before he spoke up.

“Okay, let me help you bring this on the sink instead.” He then agreed later on.

Hindi na ako sumagot at hinayaan nalang siyang dalhin iyon. Nakasunod naman ako sa kaniya patungong lababo at hindi ko maiwasang mamangha sa kaniya.

A man like him can do this kind of household. When you look at him, you will only think that he only does working at the office, living in very luxurious life and only doing fitness but he’s more than that. And I don’t think I’ll be able to be not in awe every time I see him doing such things that are never new to me but seem new to him.

Inilagay ko ang baso sa sink pagkatapos niya akong bigyan ng espasyo. Inumpisahan ko ng gawin iyon at nakita kong umalis siya sa tabi ko. When I checked on him, I saw him on the table cleaning and arranging the placemats.

Nang mag-angat siya ng tingin sa gawi ko ay agad akong nag-iwas ng tingin.

I felt my face heated. His glares were now different from his usual scowl and menacing. Is it because of what we talk about earlier? Is he that serious or he’s just pretending that he likes me. Does he really like me?

Then my mind started to crumble again. We haven’t sure and clear our words. We haven’t say what it’s really meant but if you thoroughly analyze those statements, it will turn out as a confession.

But my thought flew if we can really have this string between us. She’s into Faye. She’s in Faye and I can’t take him that.

Pero pa’no niya nasasabi sa akin ’yon kung may namamagitan sa kanila? He’s that greedy and ruthless to say when if she’s in a relationship with Faye and he’s trying to get me as well.

Tumungo ako ng sala at iniwan si Rhaegar na nakatitig lang sa akin hanggang sa natapos ko ang paghuhugas ng pinggan. I saw him watch me walked past him.

Hindi ko siya binalingan ng tingin at diretsa lang ang lakad ko patungong sofa. Nakasunod naman siya sa akin kaya hindi ko maiwasang mailang at bilisan ang lakad ko.

“Anong gusto mong gawin? We can go out if you want.” Mayamaya ay aniya nang makaupo na ako sa sofa.

I picked up the remote of the television near my side sofa and turning it on.

“Ayoko,” I muttered flatly to him.

I saw him on my peripheral vision sat beside me. Umusad ako palayo sa kaniya para hindi kami magkadikit.

Nakita ko naman kung paano siyang matigilan at mabilis na nangunot ang kaniyang noo na tumingin sa akin nang bahagya akong lumayo.

“What’s going on, Aiden?” He asked me, a bit hostile.

I pursed my lips and ignore him. Hindi ako sure kung ano na bang namamagitan sa aming dalawa. I want assurance and to clear things up between us.

“Aiden,” ma-awtoridad nitong pagtawag sa pangalan ko.

I gulped. He’s getting mad and I always got frightened when he’s furious. I sighed then have a glance at his way.

I tried to look calm in between my chills so he can watch me like I’m not up with everything.

I had raised my one eyebrow when his scowl and serious death glare was now on me.

“Galit ka ba?” He then asked.

Pigil ko ang mga mata kong mamilog sa tanong niya. I’m not mad. I never get mad.

“H-Hindi naman, bakit?”

“I told you not to lie, I know if you’re saying the truth or not.” Then he arched his brow like he caught me lying for the second time this period.

I looked away. I’m not mad. I’m just curious and confused at the same time but I’m not mad.

He owned me. I owned him. Should I really need him to speak up and say that we are now in a relationship to clear this all up that my mind is bugging at?

But what about Faye? My mood tastes bitter as I think of it. He’s still into her, what am I? A rebound…or a past time again?

I clicked the remote and find some movies that we can watch on Netflix. But when I saw a cart on the screen I remember that I’m going to the supermarket. Mamaya na nga lang, maaga pa naman e’.

Nang makapili ako nang papanoorin namin ay ngayon lang ako natauhan na kanina pa pala nakatitig sa akin si Rhaegar. Nakaramdam tuloy ako ng pagkailang.

“Stop staring Rhaegar,” ani ko sa kaniya nang hindi siya binabalingan.

“What’s bothering you, please tell me.” Bigla ay aniya.

Napalunok naman muna ako. Hindi nalang ako nagsalita at nagpanggap na hindi siya narinig. But when his hand went at the backrest of the sofa on my back and moved near my shoulder ay hindi ko maiwasang mapatingin ron.

Bahagya siyang umusad palapit sa akin. Mabilis at malakas ang naging kabog ng aking puso nang mag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya at nakitang nakatungo lang siya sa TV at animong wala lang ang mga nangyayari.

I pursed my lips. I can’t focus on the movie we are watching dahil sa lapit ng katawan niya sa akin. And his hand was on my shoulders. Who would be not get distracted by that?

Tahimik lang kaming nanonood at walang nagtangkang magsalita. May minsan ring naramdaman kong tinititigan niya ako habang nanonood. And when the movie near its end ay hindi ko mapigilang mapaisip.

The main characters are having a conflict. The girl has a feeling for the guy until they had been in a relationship with him. But when the guy’s ex-girlfriend came back, they got issues. Their relationship gets worst because of that woman.

And now the woman’s point of view is that she will lose him in time.

Nakaramdam ako ng kirot sa aking puso nang umiyak ang babae nang iwanan siya ng lalaki. That’s terrible. It’s painful and unbearable to see the man you love leaving you alone.

I can’t be that girl. What if Rhaegar is still with Faye? What will I do? Magiging maayos din bang muli ang puso ko kapag dumating na sa puntong malaman kong ginamit lang din pala ako ni Rhaegar? That he only used me like what my exes did to me.

Bumaling ako at nag-angat ng tingin kay Rhaegar na may seryosong mga matang nanonood. I even caught his jaw moved when my vision scanned him.

My mouth half-opened when I tried to held his face but when my thought of him was like the same man in the movie, it beats my heart in downfall.

“Do you still like Faye?” I suddenly asked, breathily.

Nananatiling nakalapat ang mga mata ko sa kaniya hanggang sa balingan niya ako ng tingin. His both brows met halfway as he gazes at me.

Nagbaba ang naglilikot kong mga mata nang hindi niya ako sinagot.

Does it mean that she’s still with her?

“No,”

Mabilis akong napasulyap sa kaniya matapos kong marinig ang sinabi niya. I even noticed when his lips twitched.

“Is that what bothers you? Hmm?” Voice subtle and hoarsely. He inquired like he knew it was I’m thinking about.

Nag-iwas akong muli ng tingin sa kaniya. His hand that resting on my backrest moved and occupy my shoulders. I bit my lower lips as I nodded my head slowly.

I heard him let a soft sigh and when I lifted my glares on him, his eyes were brooding and his lips had a ghost of a smile.

“If you still into her, that’s fine. You can go and tell her that.” I weakly uttered.

“I’m not into her. I am not to anyone’s with.” He gently mumbled to my ear.

“But she’s come back. You should live with her–”

“I only want you, Aiden. Only. You.”

My heart began to beat rapidly. His gazes were narrowed.

“If you think that I’m still into Faye and you’re thinking about this fucking movie, I’m not. We have never been together, Aiden.” He said humidly.

I gritted my teeth. What if he’s lying?

“You treated her differently–” he cutted me off for the second time.

“Faye is my cousin, Aiden. I didn’t treat her differently.” He said, then his narrowed eyes drifted on me.

I blinked. Nalaglag ang panga ko at mabilis akong nag-iwas sa kaniya ng tingin.

“S-She’s your cousin?” Hindi makapaniwalang tanong ko sa kaniya.

“Yes, and she just got home because she studies abroad.” He said to enlighten me.

I awkwardly chuckled. Still surprised in disbelief. “I-I’m sorry, I thought you were…together. I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to think that you were officially together before. And that you still…into her.” Nahihiya kong sinabi sa kaniya.

Oh gosh, I’m so ill to think of them that way! I couldn’t imagine how he feels when I said that to him earlier. He probably feels grossed about it.

But their resemblance has huge differences. Rhaegars features were tough and bold. While Faye has this angelic ambiance and appearance. They were really different.

“Now you get it, are we now good?” He whispered in a deep husky voice.

“Y-Yeah we’re cool. I mean, we’re good naman talaga.” I then chuckled sheepishly, ashamed.

“You seems not earlier and you said you are not mad.”

“Hindi naman talaga ako galit.”

“Then what? Hmm?” He hoarsely whispered to me.

His eyes glint and closed our distance. Then my eyes got captivated by his damp ruddy lips when he licked his thin lips.

I’m not mad earlier. Maybe I’m just annoyed because I think he’s into her but then I’m not mad nor bitter about that thought. I’m more in pain whenever I think of them.

But then I was thinking it wrong all along.

“Kung hindi ka galit kanina, why you left me alone in the kitchen?”

Ang mukha niya ay unti unting lumalapit sa akin dahilan para umatras ako ng bahagya.

“H-Hindi nga ako galit, Rhaegar.”

Nahihirapan na akong huminga dahil hindi siya humihinto sa paglapit ng mukha niya sa akin. Ang dibdib ko naman ay parang tambol na kumakalabog sa lakas na halos mabingi na ako niyon sa tindi ng pag-alpas.

He then pushed me down on the sofa and place himself above me. I wasn’t expected that that made me dropped my mouth when my back laid on the sofa from his sudden push. His dark piercing eyes drifted on my parted lips that are busy catching some air to breathe.

My chest is on waive as he glared at me darkly. His ruddy lips from licking were now in half-open.

“You’re not mad then, baby.” He said in a deep husky voice.

His hands were on both sides of me. One look at his eyes you’ll see that there is something more than it. My lids get in the loop as I scanned him. He’s an immaculately pretty handsome stubborn man.

At nang magtagal ang titigan namin ay hindi ko man lang naramdamang mailang sa unang pagkakataon. His stares were sending me different feelings. I even feel the intensity that is now diverging on me.

And his hands even lifted to tucked some strands of my hair that is on my cheeks and put it at the back of my ear.

And now that his fingers that caressed my skin sent tingles and familiar electricity that makes me shivered. His strong legs were knocking my parted thighs as he places above me.

Napalunok ako nang ang labi niya ay mabilis na nahuli ang aking mga labi. And without any hesitation, I kissed him back. I kissed him thoroughly. It was subtle and it’s giving me anticipation.

His tounge we’re in flickered and fought on mine as he bit my lower lips. His skillful hand trudged on my jaw like he was guiding me from these subtle kisses.

Nang humiwalay siya sa akin ay nakita ko ang naliliyo na nitong mga mata. His lips were in the red as I bit it last time.

Mabilis ang pintig ng puso ko habang tinitingnan siya sa mga mata. It was in erotic with carnal desires. Filled and full of it when you glance at him deeper.

“I want you, baby.” Aniya at mabilis akong nilunod ng kaniyang mga labi.

Ligaw at hirap akong makabalik sa aking pag-iisip habang naliliyo sa kaniyang mga halik. It was subtle and very passionate. It was different from our past kisses. It was filled with lust but I feel the sincerity.

“Rhaegar,” I said almost in a groan.

Then our kisses became deeper and stronger than it was earlier. Bumaba ang kaniyang mga halik sa aking pisngi pababa sa aking panga.

My hands were on his back, gripping and garbling his shirt as he licked, bit, and sucked my neck. I can’t stop my mindless hand from pulling him more on my neck.

I careened my head when he tilted his face, giving him more freedom to have access to my neck.

But when I felt his huge calloused hand gripped my other boob, my eyes instantly hoody opened and glance at him. He’s watching me intently when he grabs my mounds and clasped them like it was some soft fluffy dough.

I moaned and almost arched my back to his.

His deep dark eyes were profusely watching my every reaction. I didn’t back out and stared at him back directedly.

And when he licked his lips, he pulled my spaghetti strap top recklessly as he removed his shirt as well then bowed himself to captive my parted lips for a long and hunger kisses again.

Our tongues fought and defeated each other in its battle. He then sucked and bit my lower lips harshly that sent a tingle on my lips.

What I can almost hear is our both kisses and breathing that wasn’t on their own correct pathway, getting lost and wild as we caught our own air to each other’s mouth like there where is our oxygen.

Naramdaman ko nalang na bahagya na akong nakaangat at mabilis na hinahabol ang kaniyang mga labing nanunudyo sa pag-aklas. But when I opened my eyes, his hooded glares showed up, and there where I felt my unclasped brasier that showed my hardened peaks.

His sensual pair of eyes scanned my healthy breast like he was feasting on it in his mind. Then his eyes lifted on me, screaming like they were on their verge of his limits to stop himself from lurking from them anymore.

He immediately put me down on the sofa and sucked my hardened peaks. His hot mouth damps my breast as he nipped my hardens.

Napasabunot naman ako sa kaniyang buhok at guluhin iyon na para bang liyong liyo ako sa sarap na idinudulot niya sa akin.

His other hand massaging and mashed my other boob like it was some dough he used to rub ever since. His fingertip played my hardened peaks as his tongue played to my other one. He did the same to my other boob, vice versa with the same pleasure he has giving me.

“Uhh, Rhaegar,” I moaned.

I’m started to lose all my senses by what his hand and mouth does to my bust. But when his hand left my other boob and his hot kisses captured my lips back again. His hand made me groaned when I felt his skillful fingers massage my sensitive clit.

My folds throb as he massaged my delicate slit. And when his fingers got their way inside my pants I arched my back.

My stomach was churning and feels like some hollow pit. He then stops kissing me and watched me lost my sanity as he slowly glided himself inside my undies.

“You’re fucking dripping, baby. Damn,” namamaos ang boses niyang sinabi habang ang mga mata ay namumungay na sa dilim.

Napakagat labi ako at mahigpit na napakapit sa kaniyang braso nang ipasok niya ang kaniyang daliri sa aking kaselanan. Nagdulot iyon ng kaunting kirot na mabilis ring nawala at napalitan ng matinding sensasyon na mas lalong nagpainit sa aking katawan.

And when he started moving his finger, my breathe heave and my eyes almost stuck from its turned up. He glided it inside like a pro and masterly giving me a different sapid of sensation.

And when he entered another digit, there where I began to lose myself. I already felt something is building up inside my hollow pit stomach.

He fastened the pace of his fingers but when I almost coming, he stops. I looked at him, almost glaring at him darted.

“My baby lost her patience now, let me have your sweet fluid in my mouth.” He muttered in a deep husky voice.

His lustful eyes drifted on my body down to my pants stuck on behalf of my thighs that he roughedly pulled away like it was his obstacle of having me.

He then parted my thighs and have his place between my parted legs. His hot mouth welcomed me with the presence of his brisk playful tongue. It was a sword swirling its blades inside my entrance.

I arched my back and my moan wasn’t a handful anymore. The feeling was so much elevated that I can’t help myself from growling. The movement of his tongue inside my sensitive clit makes me want to shut my thighs but his strong veiny arms were on my both thighs, grabbing it like he was stopping me to crumble.

Naliligaw at lumilipad ang aking isipan sa sarap na idinudulot ng kaniyang matulin at matulis na wika sa aking kaselanan. And when I felt the familiar sensation is now building up ay mabilis akong napasabunot sa kaniyang buhok.

“Rhaegar…uhh,”

Isinubsob ko at mas ipinagduldulan ko ang kaniyang mukha sa pagitan ng aking mga hita nang mas binilisan at naging mas malalim ang bawat pag-alpas ng kaniyang daliri at wika sa aking kaibuturan.

And when I convulsed and burst my extract, I weakly pulled his hair. He was continuously licking me.

Nanghihina at nanlalata ko siyang pinapanood sa kaniyang ginagawa. At nang mag-angat siya sa akin ng tingin ay agad niyang sinakop ang aking dalawang hita at likuran saka binuhat habang ang mga labi namin ay hindi naghihiwalay sa isa’t isa.

We approached the door of my room and I felt him opened it in a split of seconds. My eyes were shut as we shared another hot kiss.

And when I opened my eyes I saw his weak and hooded eyes watching me softly as he laid me down on my bed.

Ang kaniyang mga kamay ay mas lalong naging mapaglaro at naglikot sa aking katawan ngayon. My inner thighs were already feeling his iron-clad hard-on brushing against my skin.

I then drifted my hands there and caressed the tip of his shaft when I caught it shortly. He groaned as I stroke him ones.

And when our eyes locked on each other he immediately unbuckled his belt as he begins again from kissing me.

In a swift motion, I already feel his long massive hard-on poking on my entrance. I moved my hips to feel him more and he groaned in so much frustration.

“I want you, Rhaegar. Take me,” I said almost in plead.

His eyes darkened and jaw clenched. He looks rough and impatient now. The reason why in no time my eyes upturned when his massive long manhood tool entered inside me.

“Rhaegar!” I almost shrieked in a sudden brisk of sensation that penetrates my insides.

He was so long and hard when he started thrusting inside my throbbing sensitive clit. I moaned his name recklessly as he pounded, hammered himself to me.

He was sweating in bullets as I am too. We’re both catching our breath as we both collude in moving ourselves in hopes of reaching the haven together.

It was crazy and insane as we both drove each other while my bed started to creak like it was going to be wreck anytime soon by the rough momentum we were both have to share.

“Uhh, Rhaegar…” I moaned when the familiar sensation is piling up again.

He pulled and lunge himself stronger and rougher this time.

Nawawala na ako sa sarili habang naliliyo sa tindi ng sarap niyong ibinibigay sa akin. He was intense and very sharp as he hit all my right spots abruptly.

“Fuck, I’m coming, baby.” He then groaned as he doubled his pace earlier.

And in no time, we both screamed in pleasure as we released and rich our haven climaxes. His hot liquid spurts out on my hollow abdomen while I gush on my pleasure.

We’re both panting when he buried his face on my neck.

Nananatili pa rin siyang nakapaibabaw sa akin at dinadaganan ang aking katawan. Inangat ko ang aking kamay at inabot niyon ang likod ng kaniyang ulo.

Marahan kong hinaplos ang kaniyang buhok habang ang isa kong kamay ay nakayakap sa malapad niyang likuran.

“I’m sorry,” his deep husky voice whispered in my ears.

Saglit akong natigilan sa sinabi niya.

“Sorry for what?” Nalilito kong tanong sa kaniya.

I felt his hot breath on my neck when he let a soft sigh.

“I’m sorry, hindi ko na naman napigilan ang sarili ko. I like you, Aiden. All I wish and want is to make you happy. Thank you for letting me, for letting us happen.” His voice was in deep hoarse as he said that.

Then my lips automatically plastered a soft small smile. “Thank you rin for choosing me. For picking me up as someone you would have to care about. You are what I have now, please don’t hurt me. I don’t think I can bear the same pain again, Rhaegar.” I weakly muttered, in hope that he will gonna be different this time.

Nag-angat naman siya ng paningin mula sa pagkakabaon sa aking leeg at saka ako marahang tinapunan ng malambot niyang mga tingin.

“I promise you to try my very best, Aiden. ’Cuz I don’t think I can bear to see you broken as well. I guarantee you, baby.”

He said deeply while his eyes scream heartily. I shut my eyes when his lips rest on my forehead.

I will keep his words and bring them back alive when he can’t keep them on his own anymore. And that’s the promise I will surely do if that’s happened again to me.

Kabanata 18

Kabanata 18

Luck

“Pa’no mo ’ko nakita nung gabing ’yon? I’m sure I’ll die by that time but you came.” I asked him while we’re eating our lunch together at the office.

Nasa iisang table kami dito sa loob ng kaniyang opisina kung saan madalas kaming dalawa na kumakain. I’m asking him about the night he saves me because I can’t still believe that I would be saved by then.

“I was driving that night and just saw a woman standing there. I got curious at first but then when I realize you’re up for doing insane I immediately run towards you.” He said while he glances at me in vigilance.

I gave him a small smile when I remember how he grips my hand and helps me to go on and fight for my life. Because there are so many people are living their lives at their very best cuz they won’t live long. Somehow, at that moment I have felt that I’m still very lucky to have myself, healthy and living. Kaya sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon ay do’n ko lang naramdaman ang kakaibang takot ko para sa aking sarili.

He made me realize that my life is worth having. That I matter even only to myself.

“I guess I’m that lucky despite being a hoodoo to my family because you came, Rhaegar.” Malamyos kong sabi sa kaniya.

Malambot at kita ko sa mga mata niya ang pag-aalala na mabilis na napalitan ng nangungusap niyang mga mata. Seryoso lang siyang nakatingin sa akin pero ramdam ko na masaya rin siya.

“I’m scared to see someone ending their own life. Ayoko na muling makakita nang mga taong gano’n. It’s terrifying.” He said in a deep voice.

My brows shot up and my mouth dramatically half-open.

“Have you seen someone before…doing the same thing?” I hesitantly asked him because it was a sensitive subject but I’m curious and I want to know it.

He looked away and drift his eyes on our glass of juice. Tapos na rin naman kami sa pagkain. So we have time to talk about some stuff.

He let a heavy sigh before he find his courage to tell me. “Yes, the same thing you did.” Aniya at saka nag-angat muli ng tingin sa akin.

Agad naman akong nakaramdam ng lungkot sa sinabi niya. His eyes were serious and I can’t see what those dark piercing eyes were painting behind.

“W-What happened? Are you okay?” I worriedly asked him.

He smiled at me, small and faded quickly.

“I help her like how I got you. She’s saved,” aniya at kalaunan ay nag-iwas sa akin ng tingin.

“I’m sorry for asking, Rhaegar.”

“It’s nothing, I’m fine baby.” He licked his lower lip and stood up from his seat.

Pinagmasdan ko siyang tumalikod at naglakad palayo para panoorin ang mga nagtatayugang establisyemento sa tapat namin ngayon. Tumayo rin ako at nilapitan siya.

He wasn’t moving, he stays still standing and watching the city seriously. His broad shoulder lift for a moment for a breath.

Naglakad ako patungo sa kaniyang likuran. I want to hug him from the back but I feel like it’s awkward and he won’t like it. But when I feel like I’m on the urge to do it dahil ramdam kong nag-aalala siya ay ginawa ko na rin kalaunan.

Tinungo ko ang kaniyang likuran at saka marahan kong ipinulupot sa kaniyang katawan ang braso ko mula sa likuran niya. He stood proudly but I felt him moved when my hands embrace him.

I lean my face on his back and comforted him. It should be hard for him to see people doing the same thing I did. He’s such a great man. He may be looked stern and humid all the time but I know and feel that he has a soft heart, a warm place for the people who need it the most.

“Are you really, okay? Alam kong mahirap din sa’yo na makita kami sa gano’ng sitwasyon. I feel bad for doing it, I will regret it as well.”

“I already get over with it, Aiden. And that circumstance helps you to have been remained this far, I’m proud of you baby.” He huskily muttered.

Naramdaman kong hawakan niya ang dalawa kong braso na mahigpit na nakayakap sa kaniyang katawan. His large hand rests on my arms as I felt him squeezed my hand softly.

My heart thumped and rapidly beat as my breath became hitched. He’s so heartwarmingly.

“It’s because of you, Rhaegar,” I said to him.

Marahan niyang inalis ang dalawang braso kong nakapulupot sa kaniya at saka ako hinarap. Our eyes locked for a while before he kotow and captured my lips for a soft and swift kiss. My heart swelled and my lips throb from the warm kiss he was giving me.

We’re now in a relationship at masaya ako sa naging desisyon ko. I am in doubt yesterday dahil hindi ko rin inasahan na magiging ganito kabilis ang lahat sa aming dalawa.

I started as his secretary and all he did was to be arrogant to me and to be humid to me every time. He shows me a little affection but it was all mislaid every after that night. I had confusions that lead me to think that he’s really a living heartless beast. Beacause after he treated me differently he will be gone tomorrow like he’s ghosting me.

I’m lost in those weeks we haven’t talk. Nalilito at takot na takot ako sa kaniya. But what scares me more is that I can’t stop myself from thinking about him.

Hindi ko magawang tingnan siya sa mga mata niya pero nang gabing ’yon sa club nang magkita kami ay hindi ko alam kung pa’no ko nagawang kausapin siya non. Then I realize that I think I’m not really scared of him. I’m mad at him because he’s getting me out of his way that one morning with the coffee I bought for him.

And by contemplating what I really feel towards him I found out that it wasn’t healthy anymore. I want him every now and then kaya naman nang marinig ko sila ni Faye nung isang umagang iyon ay nasaktan talaga ako. I know I said to myself that I will stay that night for the last time, but maybe I get to say it wrong dahil hindi ko na nagawa pang bakuran ang sugatan kong puso.

He’s just so subtle and seems very heartfelt when he says that he wants me. Somehow, I feel relieved that he has also felt the same way dahil akala ko ay ako lang ang nakakaramdam niyon sa kaniya.

But then, I’m still scared. My thought was just so wild that I can still think of him leaving me. He’s a man who never longed with a woman. I had this very disapproving hunched at the back of my mind but I believe that it reasoned out because of my past relationship. It’s been rough and tough for me to be mistreated that way but now he’s promised that he will make his very best to keep me is what assured my doubtful heart.

Ang sabihin niyang susubukan niya ay sapat na sa akin. Dahil wala namang relasyon na perpekto. And we’ll not be going to make this relationship as perfect as the fairytales, we are both new to this, and getting to know more and trust each other is what I learned from my past relationships. I should not be betrayed and get fooled for many consecutive times again. Not to him. Not ever again.

Magkasama kami sa bawat meeting nitong umaga at nang maghapon ay ganoon din. Nags-stay kami ng opisina at ginawa ko ang mga trabahong kailangan ko ring matapos at ipasa sa kaniya. Dahil hindi naman porket may namamagitan sa aming dalawa ay hindi ko na tatapusin ang trabaho ko.

Nakaupo rin siya sa kaniyang swivel chair at nakaharap sa kaniyang laptop dahil marami din kaming dapat na gawin lalo na at may proyektong bago na nakaline-up na for this year.

Minsan ay sinusulyapan ko siya sa kaniyang lamesa at hindi ko maiwasang magtagal ng tingin sa kaniya sa tuwing naaaliw akong pagmasdan siya. But there are also times na nahuhuli ko siyang nakatingin din sa aking gawi at animong mataman akong pinagmamasdan. Tipid ko siyang nginingitian at saka babalik na muli sa ginagawa kapag ganon.

Sa simpleng pangyayari ng araw na iyon ay pakiramdam ko ay ’yon na ang pinakamasayang nangyari. Dahil nang gabing iyon ay napagdesisyonan niyang ipaghahanda niya ako ng gabihan at don na nga kami nag-dinner sa kaniyang condo.

It was very romantic and intimate because after that dinner he prepared for me he lifted me and bring to his room.

“Rhaegar,”

“I like you, Aiden, so much.”

We shared the bed that night. It feels home to me every time we made love, I feel that he’s more true and passionate about our relationship. Every thrust and kisses we share were like a flame of bliss with a soft pricked in the heart in so much satisfaction.

I never imagined that I would have and experience this such burning real living life. I feel like I was dreaming every time I caressed his face and kissing him. It was so dreamy but it was so real and happening as well.

“Saan ka may reservation? Malapit lang ba?” I asked him habang seryoso siyang nagmamaneho at diretso ang mga matang nakatingin sa daan.

“Just around the BGC. Why you hungry?” He asked then glance in my way.

Napangiti naman ako sa kaniya. “Hindi pa naman,”

“Alright, malapit na rin naman tayo.” Aniya sa akin at nakangiti akong binalingan ng tingin.

Up until now, I always in awe every time he smiles at me. And my heart is fluttered whenever I think of it, that I’m the reason behind those smiles on his lips.

He’s more handsome when he smiles but his stoic expression makes him rough and hot. Mas lumawak ang ngiti ko sa kaniya dahil sa iniisip. Ipinatong ko ang kamay ko sa kaniyang hita na mabilis naman niyang hinawakan ang kamay ko at kinuha iyon para halikan.

This man… I never expect that this is how he expressed his love. Madalas pa rin siyang seryoso pero may minsang nangingiti pag may napag-uusapan kaming nagpapagaan sa loob namin.

When he parked his car in the parking lot I roamed my eyes outside. Napansin niya ang tingin kong naglilikot sa paligid kaya nang makalabas siya at pagbuksan ako ng pintuan ng kaniyang sasakyan ay mabilis akong lumabas.

His hand immediately snaked on my waist. Napatingin ako ron at nang mag-angat ako sa kaniya ay seryoso lang ang mga mata nitong akong tiningnan. I gave him a small smile that makes my heart thumped and throb wildly.

I was holding my clutch as we both went inside the restaurant. Hanggang sa makapasok kami sa loob ng hotel at nang daluhan kami ng attendant ay hindi mawala ang ngiti ko sa aking mga labi.

“Good evening, Mr. Sullivan,” nagsiyukuan pa ang iba nang makita ang pagdating namin.

Nakaramdam naman ako ng kakaibang ilang pero nang balingan ko si Rhaegar ay mukhang wala lang sa kaniya ang nangyayari.

The people inside were also watching on us. Some are women who are gawking at him and smiling at him even Rhaegar was not glancing at them. When some of them caught me glaring at them they looked away and the others were raised their brows on me. I just ignore it then I held Rhaegar’s hand on my waist. I smiled cockily.

“This way po,” the attendant muttered.

I plastered a smile for her nang tingnan ako nito ng may ngiti sa labi. Sumunod naman kami ni Rhaegar dito at nang makarating kami sa table namin ay halos malaglag ang panga ko.

Lumayo siya sa akin at naglakad palapit sa lamesa at may kinuhang isang bouquet ng bulaklak ro’n. Malawak at abot tainga ang aking naging ngiti nang iabot niya sa akin iyon.

He’s glaring at me intently. His eyes were indulgent and very attentive.

“T-Thank you,” I smelled the flowers and that made my smile more widen.

Hinawakan niya ang aking siko at inalalayan ako palapit sa aming table. Napakagat labi ako nang makita ang setup.

It was far more than the tables outside our place. The fine dining table for two was perfectly decorated. From the red carpet that I walk through and the flowers on our table. There is also a scented candle that gives us more light. The wine glass and the plates were already prepared. This was intimate fine dining with an overview of skyscrapers.

Nang mag-angat ako sa kaniya ng tingin ay animong pinapanood niya ang bawat reaksyon ko.

“This place is so…stunning,” I said in astonishment.

“I made this for you. I’m glad that you liked it cuz it’s just simple but I can see that it makes you happy.” He said with a glint of glee.

“I liked it. This is my first time though. To have this kind of fine dining. No one made this kind of effort to me. Thank you.” I wholeheartedly said to him.

Gumapang muli ang mga mata ko sa paligid namin. Tanging kami lang dalawa ang nandito at wala ng iba.

“You reserved this area?” I asked him because there is no one on here, it’s only us.

“Yes,”

Walang paglagyan ng kaligayahan ang umaapaw na nararamdaman ko nang makita lahat ito. Yes, it’s just simple yet so elegant. And what makes this more special is that…he’s the only person who puts effort for me. Even in this very simple fine dining, I appreciate it.

Somehow, I feel like this is really happening to us kahit na hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala. He was in front of me eating and watching me intently and will smirk at me every time I protruded my lips, hiding the unstoppable plastering of my ear-to-ear smile.

Nang matapos naming matikman ang appetizer ay sinerve na rin ang main course at binusog agad ako niyon. They have a lot of dishes and all their course were outstanding. Well, it’s a luxurious fine dining hotel, it’s leveled on their price which I shouldn’t be surprised.

“So this is your dinner you are planning to say to me earlier?” I asked him as I sliced my steak.

“Yes. So what do you think, are we even now?”

Napakunot naman ako ng noo sa sinabi niya.

“Even in what?” My forehead creased as I asked him.

He smirked at me first before he spoke. “About the coffee I accidentally cast-off,”

My both eyebrows raised then my lips tugged up, forming into a smile.

“That? Rhaegar, sinadya mo talaga ’yon. Don’t deny it, I know you just only want to get even.” I said, sound in satirize.

Nagseryso naman bigla ang mga mata nitong tumunghay sa akin.

“What are you saying, Aiden? I’m not, alright? Ni hindi ko nga naisip na ikaw ’yong nabunggo ko. You’re the one who never cared for my coffee, remember?” Then he arched his brow on me. Ani mong naghahamon.

Napangisi naman ako. I will never forget that day we first met. I’m so clumsy that morning!

“It was a real accident, Rhaegar. Trust me.” Nakangiti kong sinabi sa kaniya habang seryoso naman ang mukha nitong nakatitig sa akin.

“Oh really? It was indeed an accident dahil tinakbuhan mo lang naman ako.” He snorted.

Namilog ang mga mata ko. “A-Ah ano kasi, may importante ata akong gagawin ng araw na iyon.” I trailed off then sneered at him.

“Kaya tinakasan mo ’yung kasalanan mo?”

Napanguso ako. Okay, fine. It’s my fault.

“But I get back naman sa’yo, ah. I bought you a coffee as my exchange but you shoo me away that morning.”

Mas dumilim ang tingin nito sa akin dahilan para lalo akong mangisi. He’s not mad, I think he’s just pissed off.

“But I told you my reason, baby.”

Nawala ang ngising nakaguhit sa aking mga labi nang mataman niya iyong sinabi sa namamaos at malambing na tono. Tinukod niya ang kaniyang dalawang siko sa lamesa at nilapit ang kaniyang mukha sa akin ng bahagya.

“I’m sorry for that. Are you still mad about it?” He asked in a deep large voice.

Kumabog na parang tambol ang aking dibdib dahil sa ilang pulgadang pagitan ng mukha namin ngayon at sa malalambing nitong mga salita that makes me hyperventilate because of the rapid beats of my heart.

I’d look away and put back my glance on my glass of wine to get away from his intense glare that I can’t take any longer. I felt the heat from my face that will possibly make my cheeks flushed as of the moment. I swallowed and felt his stay still glares on me.

“Hindi ako galit, n-naintindihan ko naman. At saka, you shouldn’t do that. I…I haven’t found you quick nor pressuring me that moment.”

I heard him sigh, “Because I don’t want you to think that you are no different from any woman I had from my past. You’re not like them, Aiden.” He enunciates hoarsely.

“I know, but I must admit that you got me real quick.” I protruded my lips and get away from his glares.

“How could I stop myself if you are wearing that fucking tiny dress that night. I shouldn’t have done that but I want you to know that I’ve tried my very best to stop myself.”

“But it’s not enough for your best.” Nag-angat ako sa kaniya ng tingin. His jaw moved and his eyes darkened.

“You’re giving me a hard-on, Aiden. Let’s not talk about it.” He then breathily growled.

Napalunok naman ako sa sinabi niya at naramdamang pamulahan ng pisngi. He…what?

Ang mga mata niya ay mariin at mukhang naliliyo na sa aking nakatingin ngayon. Thereafter his eyes drifted down on my breast. But lifted back again on me while he sensually licked his lower lips.

Napaiwas ako ng tingin sa kaniya dahil sa ilang. Pakiramdam ko ay pulang pula na ang pisngi ko sa kahihiyan. I’m the one who opened up that topic for goodness sake!

Mabuti nalang rin at dumating ang waiter para i-serve na ang dessert at nabawasan kahit papaano ang ilang na nararamdaman ko at awkwardness na namamagitan ngayon sa amin.

We ate our dessert at minsan ay napapasulyap ako sa kaniya. He looks serious, the same usual scowl. Is he still…turn on? Gosh, what am I thinking?!

I licked my lips when the cream almost smudges on my lower lip. I bit it to finally clean my mess mouth. Meanwhile, the moment I lifted my sight in front of me I gulped hard when Rhaegar’s narrowed eyes darted on my mouth.

Umawang ang aking bibig at saka naglapat ang aming mga mata. Bahagya pa akong kinabahan at nagulat nang dumukwang siya sa akin at punasan ang aking pang-ibabang labi.

“There,” he said while his eyes sensually narrowed on my parted lips as he slowly wiping the cream below my lower lip.

Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya at napako ang mata niya sa akin.

“Ako na,” I said almost in a whisper.

Hindi naman niya ako pinansin at mabilis na siyang naupo matapos mapunasan ang aking labi.

Saglit kaming natahimik at nagtuloy tuloy iyon hanggang sa pumasok na kami sa loob ng kaniyang sasakyan pauwi.

I didn’t use my car today at sa kaniya ako sumakay kanina papasok ng opisina. Tahimik at halos maririnig mo lang ay ang patakbo ng sasakyan namin.

Nakaramdam naman ako ng pagod dahil sa trabaho maghapon. Hanggang sa ipinikit ko ang aking mata at isandal ang aking ulo sa backrest ng upuan ko. Hindi ko na namalayang tuluyan na pala akong nakatulog.

Nang magising ako ay nakita kong madilim na ang buong paligid. Nang aninagin ko ang lugar ay napansin ko ang city lights sa kaliwang bahagi ko. I was in Rhaegar’s room.

Bakit hindi man lang ako ginising ni Rhaegar para sana sa condo unit ko ako nakauwi ngayong gabi.

Balak ko sanang tumagilid at bumangon nang maramdaman ko ang malaking braso niya na dumadagan sa akin. Napasulyap ako sa malaki niyang braso na nakapaibabaw sa aking baywang. He was hugging my waist tightly. Bahagya kong itinagilid ang aking katawan para harapin siya.

His room was dim but the city lights illuminating inside our room. And when I saw him sleeping peacefully I held his jaw. His thick black eyebrows were resting but the scowl and the arrogance never leave his expression even when he’s asleep.

I carefully tap the edge of his proudly pointed nose and smiled when he didn’t even react. Then my eyes simultaneously stared at his thin ruddy lips. Those lips who captured mine and made my knees wobbled every time.

“Thank you for making me this happy in a short period. I feel lucky to meet you. Akala ko ay wala ng taong kagaya mo ang magpaparamdam ng ganitong klase ng pagmamahal para sa akin. But then you happened to come.” I whispered softly as I caressed his aristocratic face.

Maya maya pa ay natagpuan ko nalang ang sariling inilalapit ang aking mga labi sa kaniya hanggang sa maglapat ang mga iyon. I kissed him but it was swift. Ayaw kong gisingin pa siya. He looks exhausted and I want us to sleep at least for tonight.

Nang gumalaw siya ay kinuha ko ’yong oportunidad para sumiksik sa kanyang dibdib at yakapin siya. Naramdaman kong hapitin naman niya ako at kinulong sa pagitan ng kaniyang mga bisig. This man never failed to gave me warmth. He never failed to make me feel at home in his arms.

Kinabukasan nang magising ako ay agad siya ang hinanap ng aking mga mata. But when I took a glance beside me and roam my eyes inside the whole room, he wasn’t there.

Inalis ko ang makapal na kumot na tumatabon sa aking katawan. Sikat na ang araw kaya bumangon na rin ako. I have to go back on my condo unit dahil wala naman akong mga gamit dito na pwedeng isuot pang opisina.

Pagkalabas ko ng pintuan at pagkababa ng hagdanan ay agad ko siyang hinanap.

“Rhaegar?” I called his name para makapagpaalam na babalik na muna ako ng unit ko.

And when I stepped in the kitchen ay mabilis akong napahinto sa paglalakad. I saw him cooking but the phone on his hand that put on his ears is what makes me halt.

“Mama, I can’t. You can’t just force me to do it.” He paused, walked near the countertop, and lean there.

I saw his forehead in creased and lips in a grim line. His brow furrowed and jaw clenching. He looked pissed and frustrated at the same time as he listened to someone over the phone.

“Whatever you said. I don’t want to talk to Papa. I’m busy and I won’t be obliged to do this bullshit–” he seems cutted off over the phone.

Ang mga mata niya ay mas lalong nangalit at nagdilim.

“Ma! You know how much I cared and love you, kayo ni Papa. Don’t fire this bullshit over this petty fixed thing. Hinding hindi ko gagawin ’yan. Maybe let’s talk about this some other time, but not now, it isn’t the right time for it. It is a big deal, Ma.” He then put his phone down. His breath heave, very pissed and annoyed.

Kabanata 19

Kabanata 19

Invitation

Nakamasid lang ako kay Rhaegar habang nananatili akong nakaupo at pinapanood siyang maghain ng pagkaing niluto niya.

Tahimik lang siya at seryoso ang hitsura. Marahil ay dahil iyon sa tawag na naabutan ko siya kanina. When the call ended I immediately showed up at bumati naman siya sa akin ng magandang umaga. I acted like I haven’t heard him talking over the phone while he also responds to me with seriousness on his face remains.

Hindi ko man narinig ang sinasabi ng kaniyang ina mula sa telepono ay nasisigurado kong mukhang seryoso iyon. Madalas man siyang seryoso at arogante ay naninibago ako sa kaniyang ekspresyon ngayon.

He glanced at me after he sat on the chair beside me. Then his brow raised as he gave me a small smile without reaching his eyes. Na para bang alam niyang naninimbang ang mga tingin ko kaya sinusubukan niyang hindi ipahalata na may kakaiba.

Hindi nalang din ako nagtanong sa kaniya ni kahit sabihin na narinig kong kausap niya ang kaniyang ina. It would be out like I’m eavesdropping even I’m not! Am I really not? No, I was searching for him and I accidentally heard him talking over with someone.

Nang matapos kami sa pagkain ay ako ang naghugas ng mga pinggan gaya ng madalas na ginagawa. He was in his room nang matapos ako at naabutan ko siyang mariing nakatanaw sa labas nang pumasok ako ng kaniyang silid. He was watching the building outside his unit behind these glass walls that covered this part of his place.

It seems like he was thinking deeply that he stares at the building outside at this early hour.

“Rhaegar,” I called his name to caught his attention.

He was attentive as he took his eyes outside the unit and bring them up on my way.

Naglakad ako palapit sa kaniya para makapagpaalam na babalik na muna ako ng condo unit ko dahil baka mahuli pa kami sa trabaho.

Nagtaas ang dalawang kilay niya na para bang hinihintay niya ang susunod pang sasabihin ko.

“Uuwi na muna ako ng unit ko, I have to change my clothes at may trabaho pa tayong dalawa. You can take your shower now as well then let’s just meet at the basement after that.” I informed him.

Diretso lang at hindi kumukurap ang mga mata niyang nakapukol sa akin ng titig habang sinasabi ko iyon.

His lips twisted as his eyes remain glaring at me extensively.

“What if you just…moved out with me. Live with me here so that you don’t have to go back to your unit.” He suddenly said that stunned me a bit.

I was startled when he said that. He wants me to stay here with him. Here on his condo unit, together with him…

Napasinghap ako nang maglakad siya palapit sa akin. Pakiramdam ko ay malalagutan ako ng hininga nang marahan niyang hinawakan ang dalawang braso ko at saka hinuli ang aking mga tingin.

Nang mag-angat naman ako sa kaniya ng tingin ay seryoso at malalim ang abo niyang mga matang mariing nakatitig sa akin, hinihintay ang aking magiging sagot.

Umawang ang aking bibig at nangangapa ng tamang salita. Gustuhin ko mang tumira dito kasama siya ay hindi ko pa rin alam sa sarili ko. I have my condo unit at ayaw ko namang iwan ’yon pansamantala. At isa pa ay nangangamba rin ako kapag may nakaalam na nakatira kami sa iisang unit.

“I wanted to but… I have to live on my unit-” he cutted me off.

“You can, but you’ll stay here more often. And you’re things will be packed up on my unit. We can go to your unit during weekends so we can check your households.” He muttered softly that alluring me.

Nagdadalawang isip pa rin ako.

Naramdaman kong bahagyang higpitan niya ang hawak sa aking dalawang siko at nagbaba iyon patungo sa aking kamay. Then he intertwined our fingers to hold tight.

“Ayaw mo ba na magkasama tayo?” Ramdam ko sa kaniyang tanong na nabakas niya sa aking mga mata ang pag-aalinlangan.

His offer was tempting me. It was a dream come true…though… I might have to think about it dahil maraming changes ang magaganap. And it’s his house after all. I feel at home when he’s around because he’s where my comfort.

Tipid ko siyang nginitian at hinawakan ang kaniyang pisngi. Ang kaniyang abong mga mata ay nangungusap at kita ang pagsusumamong dito na lang din ako manatili gaya ng nais niya.

“I want to, Rhaegar. But maybe I should have to think about it.”

“Sorry if I’m asking you this and it makes you feel uneasy. I just want you to stay here by my side all the time. Tell me when you feel like I’m pressuring you. I’m not in the rush, baby but I want you to think of this thoroughly.” His voice was deep with the inclination of us to be together.

I smiled at him to make him feel light. “I will. It won’t take too much time to think about it. May mga kailangan lang din muna kasi akong dapat asikasuhin but I promise to move here as soon as possible.” I responded softly.

Namamanglaw ang kaniyang mga mata kanina na ngayon ay mukhang nakuntento na sa sagot na ibinigay ko sa kanya. Then he kissed my forehead as I hugged him a little.

Bumalik nga ako ng unit ko at naghanda na para sa trabaho. I remember that I haven’t yet had groceries nor stock here on my unit. Hindi nga pala ako natuloy nung nakaraan sa pinlano kong mamili. Pero kung ako ang pamimiliin kung tinuloy ko ang pamimili at iniwasan si Rhaegar nang araw na ’yon ay hindi kami mangyayari ngayon.

Nakangiti kong tinungo ang gawi ng elevator para makababa na ng basement pagkatapos kong gawin ang pakay ko sa aking unit.

Pagkabukas ng elevator ay saktong si Rhaegar ang bumungad sa akin sa loob. My smile grew more at him and went inside as I stayed beside him.

Mabilis na gumapang ang kamay niya sa aking baywang habang pababa kami ng basement. Hinayaan ko lang iyon at tinanaw ang kamay niyang sinasakop ang aking baywang. Tinungo namin ang parking lot at napatingin pa ako sa paligid nang magsilabasan ang ilang bodyguards niyang ngayon ko nalang muli nakita. Ngunit nawala ang atensyon ko don nang marinig kong magsalita si Rhaegar.

“Sa sasakyan ko na ikaw sumakay. Sabay na tayo.” he proffers at hinarap ako nang marating na namin ang pwesto ng aming mga sasakyan.

“Pwede naman tayong magsabay kahit sa sasakyan ko ako sasakay.” Pagtukoy ko dahil ilang araw ko na ring hindi nagagamit ang aking sasakyan. Natatambak lang dito sa parking lot at gusto ko rin tingnan ang kondisyon nito.

Nagtaas siya ng isang kilay sa akin. “You sure?” He then asked.

Tumango naman ako sa kaniya bilang pagtugon. Later on, he kissed my forehead before we separate ways towards our cars when he agreed.

While I’m driving towards the building of his company, I’m thinking if I should stay in my condo unit or should I moved out with him. That condo was my grandma’s gift to me. Ilang taon ko rin namang hindi nagamit iyon dahil kahit anong pilit kong magbukod ng tirahan ay hindi ako pinapayagan ni dad. But my condo was all complete and set. Tanging mga damit at ako nalang ang kulang para tirahan ang unit.

If I were going to live with him it will gonna be perfect. I like the thought of waking up in the morning seeing his perfect manly features and disheveled hair with his hooded humid gray eyes. I would love the thought of kissing him every day and have…pinamulahan ako ng mukha nang maisip iyon.

I had never been this perv to him nor in everyone. Hindi rin naman ganito kahalay ang utak ko noon but now that I got known and experience such things made me feel alive and lost every time I will remember our share made love.

Pagkababang pagkababa ko ng aking sasakyan ay naabutan ko si Rhaegar na patungo sa aking gawi mula sa kaniyang sasakyan na mukhang kakaparada lang din malapit sa akin. He then immediately captured my hands as we walked through the elevator. I was watching him as he softly drags me inside the elevator up to his office - our office.

His face was in the mood. Hindi ko mawari kung masaya o hindi. Pero ang tangi kong sigurado ay ’yong nagtatagong mga ngiti sa kaniyang mga labi.

Our reflection in the mirror on the elevator makes its way for us to glance at each other. The smile plastered on my soft lips as I glared at our hands intertwined.

“Pa’no kung makita tayo ng mga emepleyado? Hindi ba at-” tanong ko sa kaniya na mabilis niyang pinutol.

“I want to hold your hand. Employees were not my girlfriend. Bakit, hindi ka ba kumportable?” Ang kaniyang mga mata ay marahan akong pinagmamasdan.

“H-Hindi naman, ayos lang sa akin. Akala ko lang kasi…”

“Baby, I’m proud of you… If you then think that we should keep our relationship and by the time you realize it that way it’s fine to me. I didn’t want to pressure you.” His deep large voice muttered.

I pursed my lips. “Not that I want to hide our relationship Rhaegar. Gusto ko lang muna na huwag magpakita ng kahit na anong public affection that will make them infer about us. I believe you understand me.” Marahang pinisil ko pa ang kamay niyang mahigpit kong hawak.

Nakatitig siya sa akin at mataman akong tinitignan. His lips were shut but it was glided and twitched afterward. I thought he was about to growled something but then he just let a sigh.

“I understand,” he muttered breathily in a matter of seriousness.

Tipid ko siyang nginitian at saglit na isinandig ang sarili sa kaniyang mga braso. Tuluyan naman niyang binitiwan ang kamay naming magkahawak para masakop ng kaniyang mga braso ang aking baywang.

Kung ako lang ang papipiliin tungkol sa isang linggo na naming lumipas na magkasama lalo sa opisina ng sarili niyang kumpanya ay gugustuhin kong maipahayag namin sa isa’t isa ang tunay naming nararamdaman.

He usually held me and snaked his arms on my waist whenever we’re outside, that’s if we’re only together. Dahil kahit gaano man niya kagustong gawin iyon sa kumpaniya niya ay hindi namin pwedeng gawin. He respects and understood me. I’m not ashamed of him. I’m the luckiest woman of having him on my side.

He showed and gave me the affection I was finding for a long time ago. It was pure and incredibly warm that I never expect him to be. Gano’n pala ang pakiramdam na ipinararamdam sa’yo na ikaw lang, wala ng iba at sayong sayo lang siya ng buong buo.

The heart of a person was the purest thing I think they can offer as their diamonds. It is vastly precious enough to make you happy and contented that money and golds won’t ever afford to give you.

Gusto ko siyang protektahan. And by displaying our relationship won’t help him. My name was at stake. I’m still working under his wing and I’m a bastard where I still believe it wasn’t still validated. I’ve been harsh to myself but I know where this is heading off.

Bago pa mangyari ang mga ’yon ay gusto ko munang maagapan at hindi madaliin ang lahat ng nangyayari sa amin. He’s been aggressive before and I’m happy seeing him tame and think every action he’s about to do now. He’s that very perfectionist and he became more detailed now that were on a relationship.

He understood me even in the fact I know that this will be unfair to him. It’s not the compliance what is only needs to have the courage to acknowledge the simple gestures that will be prevented in public even you are both in a relationship.

Kung akala ko nga noon ay hindi kami magkakaintindihan dahil marami kaming bagay na hindi napagkakasunduan noon. He was arrogant and extremely domineering but then now, he was adorably different. My expectation doesn’t hurt me cuz it’s even surprised and amazes me. He always compromised and understood me in any way he can. In the very best he can. Looking at what he has to acknowledged right now is a big thing already.

Kaya nang bumukas ang elevator ay mabilis siyang humiwalay sa akin. Nauna siyang lumabas at gaya ng madalas ay kasunod niya ako sa kaniyang likuran na naglalakad. The employees greeted him as they slightly bow their heads and lined up when we neared them.

Diretso opisina niya agad ang tungo namin. At nang makapasok kami ay tinungo ko agad ang aking lamesa. Nararamdaman ko ang nakasunod niyang mga mata sa akin na pinapanood ang bawat galaw ko.

I didn’t glance at him dahil alam kong sa oras na balingan ko siya ay lalapitan niya ako at magtatagal pa kaming saglit kapag gano’n ang nangyari.

“Mamaya sa akin ka na sumabay sa pag-uwi. Lend me your car keys like the usual.” Biglang aniya habang inaayos ko ang mga gamit ko sa table.

“Sigi,” simple kong sagot sa kaniya.

Hinubad niya ang kaniyang black suit at isinabit sa coat rock nang maabutan ko siya nang hinarap ko ang gawi niya.

Nagtaas ang dalawang kilay ko nang mahagip ang malaking braso niya at malapad niyang likod na ngayon ay mas lalong nadepina ng white button-down shirt niyang suot. Inayos pa niya ang kaniyang black necktie bago tuluyang tinungo ang swivel chair at naupo ron.

I cleared my throat when I realized what am I doing. Kumurapkurap pa ako at nang mapansin niya siguro ang matagal kong pagtitig sa kaniya ay napatingin na rin siya sa aking gawi.

Nagtaas siya ng kilay na para bang tinatanong kung ano bang sasabihin ko. Nag-awang ang aking bibig at nawala ang mga salitang dapat kanina ay balak kong sabihin sa kaniya.

His biceps were projecting as he crossed his both arms and then moved his swivel chair on my way. Having a full view of him this time. I swallowed hard when I felt my throat run dry.

I then looked away and bring back my sight to my table when our stares longed.

I even shifted on my sit nang pakiramdaman kong hindi ako kumportable. Sa tagal na rin naming magkasama sa araw araw ay hindi ko pa rin naaalis ang pagiging ilang at ang kabang umuusbong sa akin sa ideyang nakatingin at mataman niya akong pinapanood.

I licked my lower lip. Ilang sandali pa ang lumipas at nang maalala ko ang nais kong sabihin sa kaniya kanina kaya mabilis akong bumaling sa kaniya. Nakaharap na siya ngayon sa kaniyang lamesa at mukhang may ginagawa sa kaniyang laptop.

Seryoso ang kaniyang ekspresyon. Walang araw na hindi siya ganito at kahit kelan ay hindi ko iyon nakitaan ng mali. He’s working hard and I can see that he’s passionate with what he is doing.

I was in awe watching him having that mere dedication to his work. But when his eyes caught me when he assembled his files beside his laptop ay nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin.

“What is it, baby?” Nakataas pa ang dalawang kilay nitong tanong sa akin.

Pakiramdam ko naman ay kukumbulsyunin ako sa lakas nang pagpintig ng puso ko habang nakatitig sa kaniya.

He even raised his brow more and set sail his swivel chair para harapin ako mula sa kaniyang lamesa.

“Kelan pala ako lilipat ng opisina? It’s been a week na rin pala akong nandito sa office mo, siguro naman tapos na ’yung paggawa sa aircon ko.” I trailed off.

Napakurap naman siya at saka nag-iwas ng tingin pero agad din namang bumalik sa akin ang kaniyang mga mata.

“Maybe some other time. Hindi ko pa napapatingnan kung maayos na ba ang buong opisina mo. I’ll make that examined first bago ka lumipat.”

Mabagal naman akong tumango sa kaniya. At kalaunan, ay may naisipan muling itanong.

“Hindi ba pinalitan ang airconditon ng opisina ko? Okay lang naman sa’kin kahit na walang aircon. An electric fan will help me already.” Ani ko sa kaniya dahil mukhang natatagalan ang paggawa sa opisina ko. At ang huling gawi ko ron ay yung huling punta ko ron na ginagawa ang opisina.

“I had it changed. And your office…it was under renovation not just the aircondition, baby.”

Napakagat labi ako sa huling salita niyang binitiwang muli. Pakiramdam ko ay pinamumulahan na ako ng mukha kaya nag-iwas na ako ng tingin.

“M-Matagal pa ba ’yon? I mean, my office was already fine, great as it is. Hindi naman kalakihan pero wala naman ng changes na dapat ipagawa Rhaegar.”

I heard him sighed. I glanced in his way so I can saw his face.

He glared at me with his serious and menacing stares.

“Do you already want to…moved out to your office?” He asked me with his deep-set narrowed eyes.

Naramdaman kong may halong lungkot at pait sa malalim niyang boses nang sabihin niya iyon. I felt my heart been pinched for a little when he’s voice touched my heart.

I now find his question is difficult to answer.

“O-Oo sana, pero kung hindi pa talaga tapos, I can stay here for quite some while.”

“Don’t you want to… be in my office, or be in my office like what secretary was always should be?” He asked me with his deep husky voice.

Uhm, hindi ba at ayaw niya ng gano’n? Pero iba ako pagdating sa kaniya. I’m not just her secretary because I’m more than that for him. Kaya ba ngayon ay nag-iba na ang gusto niya at gusto na niyang malapit sa kaniya ang kanyang sekretarya dahil ako ’yon na girlfriend niya?

I bit my lower lips, stopping myself to crept out the smile on my lips.

“Ikaw, it’s up on you. But I know that you don’t like that idea-” he cutted me off.

“I want you to decide, Aiden. Ayos lang sa akin kung dito ka sa office ko mag-oopisina. Pero kung sa tingin mo ay mas kumportable ka sa dating opisina mo, I don’t have any problem with it.”

Napaisip ako sa sinabi niya. Now that I’m thinking about my move out ay naalala ko rin ang tanong niya kung sa unit na rin ba niya ako. I was hesitant to stay in his condo but part of me wants it to be with him. Ilang araw na rin naman kaming nagtatabi sa kaniyang kama at bihira na nga rin akong nakakatulog sa sarili kong kwarto dahil miminsan nalang din akong umuwi. We mostly have our dinner outside the premises and sometimes on his condo unit. Then I will end up staying overnight in his room.

Nang matapos ang halos pang limang meeting sa maghapong ito ay nakasunod ako kay Rhaegar na nauna ng maglakad palabas ng conference room. Pasado alas-kuwatro na nang hapon natapos ang pang huling meeting niya sa araw na ito.

Ramdam ko na rin ang pagod dahil sa daming appointments din ang ginawa ko sa bawat meetings na natatapos ay my new email o kung hindi naman ay galing sa front office ang dumadating. Some are also from the phone calls. Naging abala rin ang maghapon namin ni Rhaegar na hindi na rin nagawang pansin ang isa’t isa kahit nasa iisang opisina lang kami.

Pagkabukas ko ng pintuan ng opisina kasabay si Rhaegar papasok sa loob ay saglit pa muna akong natigilan nang makita ko si Faye na nasa loob. She was sitting in the sofa. Lumipad ang mga mata niya mula kay Rhaegar patungo sa aking gawi.

She then showed me a smile like what she always does.

“Hi, Ms. Secretary.” She greeted me like she was already expecting me to be here.

Sa mala-anghel nitong mukha ay hindi mo aakalaing may disgusto siya sa iyo. But then I feel that she’s not here to say something awful to me again.

Hindi ako nagsalita at tahimik lang siyang pinagmasdan.

“What brings you here, Faye?” Rhaegar asked in front of her.

Napatingin sa aking gawi si Rhaegar na bumalik ding muli kay, Faye. I get that she’s his cousin and I felt relieved to hear that on that day. But now that she’s in front of me ay iba naman ang nararamdaman ko. I feel like she doesn’t like me. What more if she knows about us? She’s his cousin, I don’t think I have word on it if she has to say something against my back again.

“Oh that, I only want to visit.”

“At this hour? You can go have to visit Theron Cowell and Vittorio Zion instead of me. They seem more needed your presence over the three of us.” Rhaegar said in a deep and large tone.

Faye arched her brows as she glances at Rhaegar’s way who’s walking through his table now. Nang makalapit naman si Rhaegar sa kaniyang upuan at mapunta sa harapan ng lamesa niya si Faye ay pinagpatuloy ko ang paglalakad ko patungo sa aking table.

“Why? Do you already want me to go home? At isa pa, hapon naman na at sigurado akong wala ka na rin namang gagawin sa mga oras na ito. And did you forget na may kasalanan ka pa sa’kin?” Seryoso at ramdam mo ang pagkairita sa tono ng kaniyang pananalita.

Bahagya pa akong nagulat nang lumipat ang matalim nitong mga mata sa aking gawi.

“And of course, you as well, Ms. Secretary. May kasalanan kayong dalawa sa akin at hindi ko mapapalagpas iyon.” Mariin niyang sinabi habang hindi inaalis sa akin ang mariin niyang mga tingin.

My forehead creased in confusion. I have no sin nor done anything bad to her kaya ano at ganito ang mga pinaparatang niya sa akin.

“Faye, as far as I know, Aiden has done nothing wrong to you.” Rhaegar’s sternly voice muttered at her.

Nagtaas ng kilay sa kaniya si Faye. “Oh? I’m not sure of that kasi kayong dalawa ’yun. Have you both already forget the invites I sent here in your office last week? Ikaw, Aiden, do you have amnesia about our last conversation at the club?”

Nangunot ang aking noo sa sinabi niya dahil wala naman akong maalala sa mga sinasabi niya.

“Oh gosh! Why these people are so oblivion? Hindi kayo pumunta sa welcome party ko last week. And I expected you two to be there and you guys make me wait for nothing. What do you think I feel at that moment?” Faye irritatedly said. She even rolled her eyes at me.

Nalaglag ang panga ko sa sinabi niya. I remember it now. At isa pa wala rin naman talaga akong balak na pumunta ron kung sakali.

“I’m sorry, nawala sa isip ko,” I only said to her.

She just sneered at me annoyingly then smirked eventually.

“Alright then. I have a new invitation-”

“You’re not fond of parties, I can see that.” Rhaegar cutted her off with sarcasm.

Nag-isang linya ang kaninang nakangisi niyang mga labi at tinaasan siya nito ng kilay at mariin ang mga mata ni Faye na nakatingin sa kaniya.

“Shut up, Rhaegar.” Aniya at tumapon sa aking gawi ang mariin niyang mga mata. “Ms. Secretary, If you don’t come on my party I’ll make sure you’ll get fired-”

“Faye,” Rhaegar’s voice darted gravely at her, warningly.

When I took a glance at her, the corner of her lips tugged up forming an evil smirk.

Why would I get fired at my work? Hindi lang ako pupunta gano’n na agad ang kapalit. That’s too much. He’s not even my boss anyway.

“You have my word, Rhaegar. So make sure you will attend my grand birthday celebration. Our family will be there as well most and foremost, kaya inaasahan kong hindi ka dapat mawala ron. And you Ms. secretary… I want you to come. You’re gonna be one of my special guests, so don’t miss this one of my special nights once again.”

I parted my mouth to utter words but when Rhaegar spoke up I halted.

“She will not come.”

Gulat akong napatingin sa kaniyang gawi nang sabihin niya iyon kay Faye.

“What? She’ll come anyway, right Aiden?” Tanong pa ni Faye sa akin na para bang hindi niya pinaniniwalaan si Rhaegar.

Hindi ko naman alam ang isasagot dahil hindi ko rin sigurado kung dapat nga ba akong pumunta. She’s an elite and I believe that all her guests are from the wealthiest known families in the country. I don’t think that I belong there.

“Faye, stop pressuring her to come. And I’ll make my decision if I go or not.” It was Rhaegar who spoke.

“I’m not pressuring anyone here. Pasalamat nga kayo I even drop here just to send you my invites personally tapos ganiyan kayo makatanggi? How disrespectful. But I condone a no answer, you both will attend. Especially you, Ms. Secretary.” She narrowed on me.

“Susubukan kong makapunta-” I get cut off again.

“Aiden, you don’t need to come. Shut it, Faye. Stop throwing your parties on us.” Rhaegar’s voice was humid.

Why did it seem like he doesn’t want me to come? Kanina pa niya sinasabing hindi ko kailangang pumunta. I get his point that it’s fine to him if my decision will be a no and there’s no pressuring happening here. But I feel like it was him who doesn’t want me to come.

“Why are you deciding for her, Rhaegar? Let her attend my grand birthday celebration. It’s not you who will decide here for her.”

“You are threatening her, Faye. She doesn’t even know you and you’re inviting her forcedly to come-”

“I said I’m not forcing anyone here! What’s wrong with you, Rhaegar?” Faye’s voice was in a fury while her hands crossed when he said that.

Masama ang tinginan ng dalawa sa isa’t isa. I let a sigh. I didn’t get why Rhaegar’s react this way. Hindi naman siya ganito kay Faye noong mga nakaraan.

I swallowed hard before I decided to interrupt their dark glares.

“Pupunta ako, Faye. You have my word now.” I suddenly uttered that makes their heads turned on my way.

“Aiden,” Rhaegar’s voice worried but the emphasis remains that he didn’t like what I just said.

Napangiti naman ng pagkatamis tamis si Faye na tumingin sa kaniyang iritadong ekspresyon.

“That’s great news to hear. And you Rhaegar, if you don’t attend it’s your decision. As I said, I’m not forcing anyone here. Don’t go and I don’t care but your Ms. Secretary… will be there and that’s more than enough for me to reanimate the party.” Then her eyes shifted on me. “I’ll assure you that it will be fun.” She whimsically muttered with a smirk plastered on her face. “Promise,”

Kabanata 20

Kabanata 20

Date

Tahimik kaming pareho ni Rhaegar sa loob ng kaniyang sasakyan. Hindi siya umimik simula nang makaalis si Faye sa opisina at hindi ko rin naman siya sinubukang kausapin. He seems mad so I let him cool.

We’re heading to our condominium. We’re done having our dinner in the restaurant and I have no idea how we survive on that. Magsasalita lang siya kapag may kailangan ako o siya na kailangan daluhan ng mga waiter. We don’t actually have the usual conversation that we always do.

Pinagmamasdan ko siyang imaniobra ang sasakyan sa parking lot. Seryoso at walang buhay siyang nakatingin sa daan.

“May problema ba tayo, Rhaegar?” I asked him when he finally parked the car.

He gets the keys and unbuckles his seatbelt. Diretso lang ang tingin na parang hindi niya narinig ang sinabi ko.

“Are you…fine? What’s wrong? Kanina ka pa kasi tahimik, nag-aalala ako.” I worriedly muttered but he immediately opens his door car and went out.

Nagulat ako ron kaya nagmamadali rin akong lumabas ng sasakyan. Nang buksan ko ang pintuan ay nagulat akong makita siyang nakaabang na sa akin. He eyed me seriously and humid. His grey eyes darken when I went out and neared him.

“Hey, are you mad at me?” I asked him again dahil ’yon ang nararamdaman ko.

“Let’s go home, ihahatid na kita.” Tangi niyang sinabi at nagpatiuna na sa paglalakad patungong elevator.

Pagod at nanlulumo ko siyang pinagmasdang naglakad palayo sa akin. Napasinghap ako bago siya sinundan.

Ngayon lang siya naging ganito sa akin muli simula nung huling iniwasan niya ako. Nalilito ako kung may mali ba akong nagawa o hindi niya nagustuhan. Dahil kanina namang umaga ay ayos pa kami at hindi naman siya ganito katahimik.

Nakatingin lang ako sa kaniya habang umaandar ang elevator patungong floor ko. Malamig at madilim ang mga mata niyang nakatitig sa kawalan. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at mahinang bumuntong-hininga.

Nang bumukas ang elevator ay nauna siyang muli na lumabas sa akin. I went to him and walk on his side.

Hindi ko nalang din sinubukan pang kausapin siya dahil alam kong hindi rin naman niya ako sasagutin. Hinatid niya ako sa unit ko at pinanood na makapasok sa loob bago niya ako tuluyang iniwan at umalis.

Parehas kaming walang sinabi sa isa’t isa bago ako pumasok sa loob. He doesn’t talk to me and I don’t want to say more that could intensify his coldness. He even just took a glance at me and that is all.

Weird and I felt cold when he’s like that to me. I didn’t get why his treatment of me right now changed again. I didn’t get him and I don’t buy to look at him for long every time his eyes darted on me.

After I have my long bath I laid on my bed and let a heavy sigh. I think of him and the reason why he gets humid. And when I thought of what happened this noon, napasinghap ako tumagilid ng higa.

Is this because of that birthday party? He was so silent after Faye leave us alone. I have no idea why he gets mad about it. I will just go to attend because it sounds disrespectful if I won’t come for the second time. Especially that the celebrant personally invited me. I’d got forget her welcome party and now this, I will hesitant on going?

Pinapaunlakan ko naman ang mga invites ng mga taong malapit sa akin. Faye is Rhaegar’s cousin. I still feel bad about what I thought was deeply mediated between them. It was ill, I know and I want to attend because I respected her. She’s a Rhaegar’s relative after all.

And if that’s the reason for Rhaegar’s indignant, I don’t get it. He comes off in saying I shouldn’t care for that party. It’s him who’s really stopping me from coming and that’s frustrating me. I get that he’s pointing that Faye is new to me.

But she’s his cousin, he knows her after all. He seems not cool also when he talked to her earlier. Very different from the last time they met.

Sinubukan kong isipin kung bakit ba hindi ako pinapansin ni Rhaegar at ’yon lang ang naisip kong dahilan. Nang gabing iyon ay nahirapan ako sa pagtulog dahil binabagabag ako ng ideyang galit siya sa akin.

Nang maaga akong nagising kinaumagahan ay naisipan kong magluto ng almusalan at dalhan si Rhaegar sa kaniyang unit para sabay na kaming kumain. I prepared it and put it on five tupperwares. Maybe this simple breakfast will do, to make us good again.

Nang matapos ako sa pag-aayos ng pagkain namin ay saka lang ako dumiretso ng kwarto ko to take a bath and change my clothes to corporate attire.

I’m hoping that this morning he will talk to me naturally. I’m doing this not just to please him but also to have talked about what is occurring last night. It wasn’t bliss but just only a swift cold night without him talking to me.

Nakatayo ako sa labas ng kaniyang unit ngayon. I press the doorbell more than twice so he can notice it shortly. I wait for a minute for him to come out but when minutes passed ay pinindot kong muli ang doorbell. There was an intercom outside but I don’t think I should use it. Ilang saglit pa akong naghintay at nang bumukas ang kaniyang unit ay napaatras ako.

Bumungad sa akin ang mga mata niyang mariin na nakatingin sa akin ng tuwid. The humid doesn’t fade off from last night. He’s shirtless and that’s made me feel uncomfortable.

I swallowed as he glared at me. I was searching for words when he suddenly spoke.

“Morning,” he growled in a low voice.

Napakurap kurap pa ako ng ilang segundo.

“Good morning. Nag breakfast ka na?” I then asked him, hardly manage not to stutter.

His eyes drifted, sa yakap yakap kong paper bag na may lamang mga pagkain na hinanda ko para sa aming dalawa.

“Hindi pa,”

“Nagluto ako ng maaga, hindi pa rin ako kumakain eh. Naisipan kong magsabay nalang sana tayo. If that’s…fine with you?” I hesitantly muttered while my eyes remained on his face.

Saglit pa niya akong tinitigan at hindi nagsalita. Then he opens his doorway widely for me to come in. I smiled at that. But when my sight drifted on his body, I gulped. I went in and I heard him closed the door.

Huminto ako sa paglalakad at hinintay siyang mauna sa akin. But when I looked back to see him I can’t stop my eyes from glancing at his impeccable topless body.

I immediately lift my eyes on his face but his disheveled hair got me distracted. His jaw moved, I looked away and turn my back on him to get away from his stares.

Natanaw ko ang kitchen niya kaya nagtuloy na ako sa paglalakad at tinungo iyon. Naiilang ako dahil wala siyang pang-itaas at ang tanging suot lang niya ay ang kaniyang black boxer shorts. I notice that my knees wobbled as I walk towards his dining table.

Naramdaman kong nakasunod siya sa akin. Maaga pa naman at wala pang alas siete ng umaga. Napaisip tuloy ako kung bakit hindi pa siya nakakain. He looks like he just gets out of his bed.

Nakita ko siyang nagtungo sa counter. Tumungo naman ako sa lagayan ng mga pinggan. I saw him open the fridge and on his hand was a pitcher of water. Nang maglalakad ako palagpas sa kaniya ay nagkasalubong kami.

I stop and looked up at him. His topless body was so close to me now. I can smell his manly scents, he smells so good in the morning. His eyes drifted on me while his glass of water was on his other hand.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at naglakad ako pakanan para makaraan na rin siya. But he went on the right as well. We stared at each other again.

“Uhm, dito ako sa left dadaan ikaw sa kanan,” I said to him without looking straight into his eyes.

He didn’t say a thing. So I walk on the right side but then, he intercepts my way again. But this time, my body bumps against his chiseled chest.

Napalunok ako nang ang kamay ko’y nakahawak na sa kaniyang dibdib. Diretsa at seryoso naman ang mga mata ni Rhaegar na nakatitig sa akin.

His eyes drifted on my lips then back to my eyes again. I cleared my throat then immediately estrange myself from him.

Nakita kong magtangis ang bagang niya kaya naglakad na ako at mabilis na nilagpasan siya para kumuha ng pinggan.

When I got what we need ay natanaw ko siyang nakaupo na sa lamesa ngayon. There are glasses and a pitcher for us both. There is also milk located in front of my sit.

“Uhm, buti naabutan kitang hindi pa naglulu-”

“I don’t have any plans to cook for today.” He cutted me off, retortedly.

Nagulat naman ako sa sinabi niya.

“Gano’n ba? Then I just arrive in time.” I smiled weakly at him as I put his plate on his placemat.

Bago pa man ako maupo ay inayos ko na ang mga pagkain namin.

“I made you a vegetable salad…I know you like it.” Ani ko sa kaniya at inilagay iyon sa tapat niya.

He glances at me flatly and blankly. Nakakapanibago pero alam kong mawawala rin ’yan mamaya.

Pinagsandok ko siya ng right amount dahil alam kong hindi naman siya maraming kumain. He’s more on salad in the morning at ’yon ang napansin ko sa kaniya sa nakalipas na araw na magkasabay kaming mag-agahan.

“Are you still mad at me?” I then asked him in the middle of our meal.

Huminto siya sa pagkain at tiningnan ako. Nagbaba ako ng mga mata sa aking pinggan at tipid na nangiti sa sarili.

I think I’m making him more pissed this way. But I opt to ask him though.

“P-Please don’t be mad. If this is about the birthday party, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you will get angry if I go attend.” I muttered softly.

I saw him get his water and drink. “I’m not mad.” He said in a deep large voice.

No? But he seems cold to me since last night.

“But why you didn’t talk to me?” I asked.

“I’m sorry,” he huskily responded.

“Is this about Faye’s birthday? Kasi hindi ka naman ganiyan sa akin kahapon ng umaga and when Faye came you acted this way after she left.” I asked him because I want to know his reasons.

Napasinghap siya. He twisted his lips then glance at me.

“No, I’m just tired.” He growled.

“I’m tired also but I keep on talking to you. I’m not treating you coldly that way when I’m exhausted, Rhaegar.” I said because I know that he’s lying.

Nagtaas lang ang isang kilay nitong nakatingin sa akin bago nag-iwas ng tingin.

“If this about that party, I don’t understand you.”

“You shouldn’t come.” He then muttered abruptly.

Napamaang ko naman siyang tiningnan. I can’t believe him. Ayaw niya talaga akong papuntahin.

“Why? It’s your cousin’s celebration and I already declined her first invite pati ba naman ito, Rhaegar? Pupunta ako-”

“I said. you. will. not. come,” he emphasizes every word that made me quiver.

I remain to stare at him even his glares were threatening me.

“Why are you stopping me, Rhaegar?” Napaiwas siya ng tingin sa tanong kong iyon.

“Tell me, kasi hindi na kita maintindihan. She’s your cousin and I know you’ll attend there as well. Now, what’s the problem if I-”

“Just don’t go, Aiden. Mahirap bang sundin ang sinasabi ko? Damn it.” He cursed under his breath.

I looked away. Frightened by his sudden storm. He was controlling his temper and I can see how much he struggled. Natatakot ako sa kaniya but this feeling won’t do anything good to me.

“Then tell me a satisfactory reason if why I shouldn’t go?” Naghahamon kong tanong sa kaniya dahil hindi ko siya maintindihan.

And I hate to admit that I have conclusions in my head if why he won’t let me go to that party. I hate that my mind concludes that way and my heart was in pain every time I think that it might be his reason.

“Because…I said so. I’m worried about you. At kahit naman pumunta ka ron ay wala rin namang mangyayari-” I cut him off.

“That’s it, wala naman palang mangyayari so why you wouldn’t let me go instead?” I said abruptly. Now I’m getting annoyed.

His glare darkens more. His jaw was clenching and his lips were in a grim line.

“I’m sorry but I’m scared that your reasons were not enough to buy.” I only said and sneered at him.

We are both live in silence after we finished our breakfast. I was expected us to be fine and cool when we ate together and have talked about this problem and resolve every question in my head. But it turns out differently. It became worst that I also get mad about it.

It happened that I can’t control myself that I asked him that. Because all his reasons were insufficient and to say it, it was unreasonable.

Hindi niya ako inimik nang makasakay kami ng elevator. Hinintay ko pa rin siya hanggang sa makapagbihis siya dahil gusto kong magsabay kami sa pagpasok ng opisina kahit na ganito ang sitwasyon namin.

Nakatingin kami sa mga sasakyan naming magkatabi sa parking lot pagkababa namin. I felt his glance shifted on my way but I ignored it.

“Sumabay ka na sa’kin-”

“I can drive myself.” I simply replied without looking at him.

Ramdam ko ang talim ng mga titig niya sa akin kahit na hindi ko siya binabalingan. I went to my car and get inside.

Pinaandar ko iyon at iniwan na siya. He’s being unreasonable. This small petty birthday celebration, he’s making it a big deal even the truth there is nothing to worry about me.

Halos magkasunod lang kaming nakarating ng parking lot but I firstly went out of my car. Tinungo ko ang elevator at nakita kong mabilis ang lakad niya patungo sa aking gawi. I waited for him dahil hindi naman ako gano’n kasama para pagsarahan siya ng pinto. This building isn’t mine, he’s my boss. I should still respect him kahit na may problema kaming dalawa ngayon.

Tahimik lang kaming muling dalawa na magkasamang pumasok ng kaniyang opisina. He’s cold and I know his reasons. I’m not mad at him because I’m only annoyed.

Napapasulyap ako sa gawi niya minsan but I will immediately look away when his stern expression showed me.

Lumalabas labas din ako ng opisina niya kapag may kailangan akong gawin at puntahan. There’s a lot of meetings he’ll be going to attend and he just all postponed it. Kaya ngayon ay abala ako sa pagsesend ng emails at minsa’y may pupuntang mga tauhan at nagtatanong kung bakit hindi natuloy.

I’m tired of doing my work at lalo na ng tambakan na naman niya ng mga files at documents ang table ko. I let a heavy sighed when I entered his office at nakita ang gabundok na mga folders sa ibabaw ng aking lamesa.

Tiningnan ko lang siya habang naglalakad ako patungo ng aking lamesa. At nang makaupo ako ay siya namang tayo niya at lumabas ng opisina. Hindi na ako nagtanong kung saan siya pupunta bagkus ay inumpisahan ko nalang ang trabaho ko.

That day passed very swift and very cold. Umuwi kami ng hindi magkasabay at nagdinner ng hindi magkasabay, ibang iba sa madalas naming ginagawa. The next days have no difference and progress. Wala rin naman ni isa sa amin ang nagtangkang magsalita at kausapin ang isa’t isa. He became more stern and humid.

It might be his pride and ego that he won’t let it low. Masyado siyang mataas para kausapin ako at ni balingan ang aking mga tingin ay nawala na. It wasn’t feel good to see him emotionless and arrogant again.

Walang araw na hindi tambak ang mga pinapagawa niya sa akin. Every time I finished my worked ay may panibago siyang ibabagsak sa table ko na ipapagawa niya. Dagdagan pa ng mga meetings niya na in-attend-an naming dalawa. It was tiring and very mind-draining.

From emails, phone calls, and evaluating and reviewing all the papers and documents he was giving to me. Arranging appointments and canceling some of those were really hectic to even mind that we have a problem that we need to talk about and settle.

It’s Thursday at ilang araw na rin kaming hindi nag-uusap ng hindi tungkol sa trabaho. At kung kakausapin niya man ako ay ’yon ay sa tuwing pupunahin niya ang pagkakamali kong nagawa.

“Ms. De Laughrey, I have seen this from last month and you haven’t dismissed this yet. I told you to cancel this, bakit hindi mo pa rin nagagawa?” His voice was very strict and humid.

My surname was still De Laughrey to him. I assume he hasn’t seen my new resume I did and passed at the company.

“I made it checked and I already make an authorization letter that had been signed, Mr. Sullivan. You have nothing to worry about this-” I said to him that he abruptly cutted me off.

“Clean and explained this matter on board when this didn’t settle by that time.” Aniya sa’kin at tinalikuran na ako.

Napasinghap lang ako at hinayaan siyang bumalik sa kaniyang upuan. I checked the letter I made last month at wala naman akong problemang nakita don. They already read the message I sent to them.

Pinagpatuloy ko ang ginagawa ko at inabala ko ang sarili don kaysa sa pagbaling sa gawi niya.

And when my telephone rang I immediately get it.

“Ms. Reyes, papunta po diyan sila Mr. Rockefeller at Mr. Dela Fuente. They just got here in the lobby.” The receptionist said over the telephone.

“Okay,” I only replied. 

At nang ilang sandali pa nga lang ay dumating na sina Theron at Zion na sabay pumasok sa loob ng opisina. Habang si Rhaegar naman ay nananatiling nakasubsob ang mukha sa kaniyang trabaho.

Nag-angat ako sa kanila ng tingin at saka tumayo para batiin.

“Good morning, Mr. Rockefeller, Mr. Dela Fuente.” I greeted them na sinalubong ko pa sa pintuan.

“What a greet, Ms. Beautiful. Hindi naman na kailangan ng sobrang pormal.” Zion said then smirked at me.

Tipid ko siyang nginitian at gano’n din kay Theron na nakamasid sa akin ngayon.

Tumungo sila sa couch at ako naman ay nakatayo at nakasunod sa kanila.

“You want coffee, juice, water to drink?” I asked them when they got finally a seat on the couch.

Theron raised his hand on me. “No, need Ria. Thank you.” He muttered politely.

“I’m good, thanks.” Ani Zion nang balingan ko sila ng tingin.

Nanatili akong nakatayo at hinayaan nalang sila.

“Anyway, sa Sunday na ang birthday celebration ni Faye. Pupunta ka ba Rhaegar?” Theron asked him from his seat.

Natanaw ko kung paanong mag-angat si Rhaegar ng tingin sa gawi namin. Naunang tumama sa akin ang seryoso niyang mga mata bago tuluyang bumaling kila Theron at Zion.

“Why you ask? Were you here to ask me this thing?” Rhaegar said in annoyance.

“We just want to know ’cuz you didn’t attend her welcome party the last time I check. It’s Faye, Rhaegar. Kelan ka pa nawala sa mga events niya sa buhay? That’s new of you, actually.” Theron said with a hint of surprise in disbelief.

Bahagya naman akong yumuko at tinungo ang aking lamesa para kuhanin ang aking cellphone. Sa tingin ko ay kailangan ko na ring lumabas na muna dahil hindi dapat ako nandito at nakikinig sa usapan nila.

Nahagip ko ang tingin ni Zion sa akin habang kinukuha ko ang aking phone.

“You’re going out?” Zion then asked me.

Napatingin tuloy sa akin ang dalawa dahil sa tanong niyang iyon. Nakatayo ako sa gilid ng aking lamesa at na kay Zion ang mga mata ko.

“Oo, maiwan ko muna kayong tatlo.”

“You stay here,” Theron deterred on me immediately.

Napahinto naman ako ron. I have nothing business here so I better go out.

“Faye has told us about inviting Rhaegar’s secretary.”

“Yeah, and I heard that you gave her a word that you’ll come. That’s nice of you, Ria.” Si Zion na nakangiti sa akin.

“Ah, oo. Hindi kasi ako nakapunta ng welcome party niya so I decided na babawi nalang ako sa birthday niya.” Ani ko at saka marahang pumihit sa seryosong gawi ni Rhaegar sa akin na may mariing mga tingin.

“Hindi ako pupunta,” Rhaegar’s sternly said.

Napatingin ang dalawang pinsan niya sa kaniya habang ako naman ay napayuko nalang at mahinang napasinghap.

“Our parents will be there, you should as well. Hahanapin ka ng mga ’yon sa amin kapag hindi ka nila nakita sa party.”

“You really serious? Hindi ka na nga nagpunta nung welcome party pati ba naman ’to hindi rin. Woah, that really sounds strange. Hindi na ako magugulat isang araw nagtatampo na sa’yo si Faye.” Si Zion.

Natanaw kong sulyapan ako ni Rhaegar bago siya nagsalita.

“She knows my reason.”

“Who cares for that fucking reason, Rhaegar? Si Ria nga pupunta tapos ikaw, hindi? Is that really fine with you?” Theron significantly inquired to him.

Napatingin naman ako kay Rhaegar na nasa harapan na pala namin ngayon. Naabutan kong magtangis ang bagang nito at mariing nakatitig kay Theron ang kaniyang mga mata.

“Theron is right, Rhaegar. But I have no problem if you don’t want to attend. I can be Ria’s date for that night. What do you think, Ms. Beautiful?” Zion way his stare on me with his mischievous smile playing on his lips.

I was searching for the right words to say. “K-Kailangan ba may date?” I asked him then my eyes roamed to where Rhaegar is standing.

He’s my boyfriend and he should be my date if ever that needed. But he said he will not be attending. Pwede naman siguro ng mag-isa na pumunta.

“Faye invited you to escort Rhaegar. Don’t you get it? That is why you’re one of the special guests.” Theron informed me.

Napakurapkurap naman ako sa sinabi niya.

“But…Rhaegar will not be going to attend the party. I’m fine alone.” I muttered reluctantly.

Natahimik silang dalawa. At nang magtama ang mga mata namin ni Rhaegar ay mabilis din akong nag-iwas.

“Tita Amanda will find her way Rhaegar.  She has her own means to find out everything. Even us, we are not dumb.” Theron grunted to him like he knows what is running in Rhaegar’s head.

Nakita ko namang gumalaw ang panga ni Rhaegar. What are they talking about? Nakakunot ang noo kong nakatingin kay Rhaegar na seryoso lang ang mga matang nakatitig sa akin ngayon.

“You better come, Sullivan. Or else, sa’kin si Ria for that night-”

“Fuck you, Rockefeller.” Rhaegar narrowed his eyes on Zion gravely.

“May isusuot ka na nga pala, Ria?” Theron asked me ignoring the two.

“Meron naman na,” nahihiya kong sagot.

I’m not sure if my dress will be passed on at that party. It was grand and ostentatious as I will expect.

“Throw the casual dress, please. If you’re about to wear some kind of simple dress’s it’s very inappropriate. Go have and checked some designers who can give you the best gown for that night.”

I winced when Theron said that. Well, I would have worn a simple dress actually for that specific event if he wouldn’t say me this.

“I can help you with that, Ria. I have known prestigious and luxury brands designers for you.” Zion suggested.

“I can buy her one, morons.” Rhaegar snorted in the two.

Nagulat naman ako sa sinabi niya.

“Akala ko ba hindi ka pupunta? Huwag na ako na lang ang date ni, Ria-”

“One more word, Zion and I’ll cut your throat.” Rhaegar threatened with his dark glares that narrowed to him.

Zion smirked then glance at me. “Well, if you wouldn’t come, that will happen to you. Tita Amanda knows everything, Sullivan. Go and work your ass off then kung ayaw mong mangyari ’yong sinabi mo sa’yo mismo.”

Ang mga mata ni Rhaegar ay mariin at ramdam mo ang talim ron. His jaw clenching and lips in a grim line. His eyebrows almost met in line as he glared at the two drop-dead gorgeous men sitting in front of us with unbothered expressions.

“Pupunta ako, I will be Aiden’s date. No one except me. Ako lang at wala ng sino pa, Vittorio Rockefeller.” He muttered as his serious glares were all on me now. Menacing and darted in me like it piercing through my soul.

Kabanata 21

Kabanata

21

Promise

Hindi ko alam kung paano akong napapayag ni Rhaegar na sa kaniya na ako sumabay sa pag-uwi. Hindi ko pa rin siya kinakausap at gano’n din naman siya sa akin. After that long conversation with Theron and Zion ay pakiramdam ko ay pupunta na nga siyang talaga. Kasama ako…

I don’t buy his reasons and up until now ay hindi ko pa rin maintindihan kung bakit ayaw niyang dumalo sa kaarawan ng kaniyang pinsan. He’s a family member and his presence at that party will mean a lot.

Base on what I understand from Theron’s statements, he’s not usually like this. He’s up and showed in every party that Faye is throwing. Why now change of habit?

“We’re not going to work tomorrow,” he muttered which made me glance at him.

His car parked and I looked at him.

“Huh? Bakit?” I asked him curiously, didn’t expecting his sudden spoke.

Nananatili ang kaniyang mga matang nakatingin sa harapan.

“We will go visit some best designers tomorrow. I have it schedule already.” He said in a large low tone.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kaniya at tinanaw ang labas ng sasakyan gaya ng ginagawa niya.

“Hindi naman na kailangan. Ako nalang ang maghahanap. Gown ’di ba ang kailangan? Dress lang kasi yung meron ako. Kasya pa naman siguro yung pera ko para makabili ng isa.”

I heard him sigh. “You know I won’t let you, Aiden. Bibilhan kita kaya sumama ka.”

Dahil mukhang wala naman akong magagawa ay hindi nalang ako nagsalita at nagprotesta pa. He insisted and I can’t do anything to refuse it. He remains stoic and serious as we get into the elevator of the condominium.

Ilang sandali kaming natahimik bago ko naisipang magasalita.

“Pwede naman kung sa Saturday nalang ako bumili ng gown so we can work tomorrow. For sure I can have and find one from the boutique at the mall. I didn’t need the prestigious and expensive one. I’m fine with elegant and none exclusive knew designers.” I said to him flatly.

“Let’s have dinner in my unit,” he replied differently to what I had said. I saw him pressed the floor of his unit.

Napaangat ako sa kaniya ng tingin. He’s ignoring what I had said because he already made his decision final. But I just want to give him the best option so we can work tomorrow dahil marami pang dapat na asikasuhin at tapusin.

“Sa Saturday mo nalang ako samahan.” Pag-ignora ko sa dinner na sinasabi niya.

Naramdaman kong balingan niya ako ng tingin.

“Tomorrow, that is what I schedule, Aiden. At magsusukat din ako ng suit ko, so it’s only not you.” He sternly said to me.

Napanguso naman ako at saka marahang tumango nang maintindihan siya. Bibili din pala siya, so isasabay lang rin niya ako.

Nang bumukas ang elevator ay nag-alangan pa ako kung susunod ako sa kaniya. He looked at me when he noticed I didn’t go out of the elevator. He arched his brow and waited for me.

“Sa unit ko nalang ako magdi-dinner,” I said to him that made his brow furrowed.

“What? No. I said we’ll have dinner together tonight, Aiden.” He pronounced with conviction.

“You can have your own-”

“Are you still mad at me?” He then asked with piercing eyes.

“What? Ako pa ba ang galit sa ating dalawa, Rhaegar? Ikaw itong hindi ako pinapansin ng halos buong linggo. And now you are asking me like I’m the one who gets angry first?” I can’t believe him.

His chest pounded and I can see his breathe heave as he looked at me with controlling patience. I remain calm and tried to glare at him longingly, dahil hindi ko matagalan ang talim ng mga mata niya.

“Tara na, mag dinner na tayo,” he then uttered.

I pressed the elevator button to finally closed it when he immediately intercepts on both walls that are about to collide. He looked at me furiously, eyes darken and brows furrowed.

“Damn it! Aiden what do you want me to do? I just want us to dine together, don’t make this hard for us.” His voice was now deep and very decisive.

Magkasalubong na rin ang aking dalawang mga kilay at hindi ko maintindihan sa sarili ko kung bakit may parte sa aking ayaw siyang paniwalaan ngayon. I sighed when he finally got in, nakaharang pa rin siya sa pintuan ng elevator.

“You’ll eat with me together or I will eat and make you my dinner, Aiden.” He compelled darkly.

Lumapit siya sa akin at mariin ang mga mata niyang nakatitig sa akin. I looked away when his sharp eyes made me shiver.

My lips pursed after I let a sigh. “Fine,” I answered almost a whisper breathily.

Alam kong hindi naman niya ako titigilan hanggang hindi ako pumapayag. He’s always this way, naguguluhan ako sa kaniya. His mood was like a mood swing of a woman who has a period, mas malala pa ata.

Tahimik lang akong nakasunod sa kaniya papasok sa loob ng kaniyang unit. Ilang araw din akong hindi nakabalik dito dahil na rin sa hindi kami nagpapansinang dalawa.

Earlier I thought I was letting myself loathe him because he never said to me his real reason for why he seems mad at me for attending Faye’s birthday grand celebration. And the thought of that creeping me out was my conclusion to his reasons.

His family will be there and I never met his parents. He never met mine either and we never talk about our parents, except mine that I have shared with him a bit. I know that his known and their family was one of the wealthiest here in the country.

Kaya hindi na ako magtataka kung magkakaroon ng media sa grand celebration na iyon.

It will be covered and published in all newspapers and some magazine brands that got associate with that event. And attending this kind of grand celebration was a big deal especially that I will be his date for that night.

Kahit simula nang ibigay sa akin ni Faye ang invitation nang hapong pumunta siya ng opisina ay hindi ko naisip na may rason pala talaga ang pagiging special guest ko, I will be escorted Rhaegar! And that started my hunch to be immense.

Does he shame because of me? He doesn’t want to go because I’m coming. And now that his cousin came earlier, napilitan lang ba siya? He even bothers to have left us our work for a day just to find a perfect gown for me. It was from well-known designers that will surpass the expectation of the media nor even the people on that specific event.

Kaya siguro pinipigilan niya rin akong tumuloy sa pagpunta sa kaarawan ng kaniyang pinsan ay dahil iyon sa kinakahiya niya ako. I smiled sadly. I’m just a secretary, his secretary. I shouldn’t be shocked. But I believe to it all this time that he’s not that type of man.

Dahil ako pa nga ang may gusto sa aming dalawa na gawing lowkey ang relasyon namin especially when we are on public and the kind of his company when we passed through his employees. Ayaw kong isipin nila na pinapaboran ako ni Rhaegar dahil lang sa girlfriend niya ako.

Tahimik lang akong pinapanood siyang ayusin ang mga pagkaing in-order niya. I decided to just buy foods instead to cook. He insist that it won’t take long but I keep on saying that I would not stay here for long dahil pagod rin ako sa trabahong tinambak niya sa akin kanina.

He sighed in compliance so he ordered food instead. Ilang sandali lang din ay dumating iyon. Pinagsandok pa niya ako ng pagkain at inilagay iyon sa aking pinggan. Tahimik lang ako habang pinapanood ang bawat galaw niya. Seryoso pa rin ang kaniyang ekspresyon at madilim ang kaniyang matang nakatingin sa mga pagkain.

“I’m sorry,” later on, he spoke after a long silence.

From my plate, I lifted my gaze on him. He was staring at me with his gentle but serious glares.

“Sorry about that. Akala ko galit ka sa’kin kaya hinayaan muna kita.” He muttered huskily.

Suminghap ako bago nakapagsalita.

“Ikaw ’yong galit Rhaegar, hindi ako. You’re avoiding me. I let you cuz you seems bad at me.”

“No, I’m not baby. Damn, I’m sorry for making you feel that way.” He said under his breath.

He leans on the table and held my hand resting beside my plate. He looked at me in the eyes weakly and deeply. I didn’t get away from his glares as I remain watching him back.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled huskily.

I sighed and swallowed hard.

I know he’s sorry for ignoring me but my inner thoughts were irrational at the moment. I know he has a reason for getting mad at me and for stopping me from attending the celebration. I want to ask him that. I’m scared to know but I still want to understand him deeply.

Tumingin ako sa kamay niyang hinahaplos ang kamay ko sa ibabaw ng lamesa bago nag-angat sa kaniya ng tingin.

Naghihintay ang mga mata nito sa aking sasabihin na nakatitig sa akin ng tuwid.

“Are you..feel shame because of me?” I then asked him.

Saglit na natigilan ang mga mata niya at mabilis na nagsalubong ng dalawang makapal niyang kilay na tumingin sa akin. Naramdaman kong humigpit ang pagkakahawak niya sa aking kamay.

His jaw moved.

“You’re mad because I’m coming to that party and you’re ashamed because of me-”

“Fuck. I never think of you in that way. I will never be ashamed of us and you know that. How come you jump into that bullshit conclusion, Aiden?” Bakas sa tono nito ang disappointment at pagkagulat sa sinabi ko.

Nagbaba naman ako ng tingin sa aking pinggan. To get away from his humid glares on me.

He removed his hold from my hand. I felt my heart sank when I felt his tight grip left my hand alone.

“Palagi ka namang pumupunta sa kahit anong party na meron ang pamilya niyo especially if it’s Faye, but now you have been missed one and this was almost kung hindi ka pa napilitan kanina dahil kila Theron-”

“Aiden, I told you my reasons-”

“Reasons that I don’t buy because it was all deceit, Rhaegar!” My voice raised and I can’t look at him now.

Naramdaman kong matigilan siya. This is the first time I raised my voice to him.

“Aiden, this party will tear us apart, did you understand me? Ni hindi pa nga tayo nakakapunta ron nagtatalo na tayong dalawa. Baby, please understand that I won’t do anything that could harm you. And I believe that you know that I never feel shame because of you. Never, Aiden. Kahit kailan hindi kita kinahiya at kahit kailan ay ’di ka magiging kahihiyan sa akin. You’re special to me, you’ll always have this special place in me.” His weak eyes remain glaring at me as the dark fade and filled with seriousness.

The conviction was felt and I feel like it’s my fault now. I doubted him like how I used to feel from the very beginning. I even judge him that I’m his shame when the fact is not. I was so frustrated in the days he’s not even talking to me that that made my thoughts jump to that conclusion. It was harsh of me to think of him that way when all he does was to protect and compromise in our relationship.

“I-I thought you don’t want to attend because of me. We will be together at that party so I thought you will not come if I’m going to.” My voice cracked.

“Baby, no…”

I glanced at him apologetically.

“Then why don’t you want to attend?” I asked him brittlely.

I watched how his jaw moved and eyes darken when I asked him that.

He licked his lower lip then leave it half-open.

“That party is being controversial between us, Aiden. Alam kong hindi maganda ang tingin mo kay Faye kaya ayos lang sa akin kung ayaw mong pumunta. I don’t want you to go there because you’re just constrained-”

“But I’m not constrained, Rhaegar.”

He sighed and looked down. “I know, I’m sorry.” He said then checked out of me again.

That reason was enough for me now. I gave him the rationale ideas to think of my decision will be affected dahil hindi nga maganda ang naging una kong ekspresyon kay Faye. I mistake that there is something between them. And that’s my bad to think of them in that way.

That night we have shared at the dining became great. The awkwardness and the coldness from the past days between us slowly receded. Hinatid niya ako sa aking unit kahit pa sinabi niyang sa kwarto nalang niya ako matulog at siya ay sa sofa.

“You can sleep on my bed, Aiden. Sa sofa nalang ako. I missed you…”

I smiled at him and caress his cheeks softly. I missed caressing his face, hair, and hugging him too dahil halos anim na araw din kaming hindi nagkakapansinan.

“I missed you too, Rhaegar. But maybe next time I will sleep here. I need to go back to my unit dahil maaga pa tayo bukas.” I said softly as I caressed his face to his sculpted jaw.

His eyes darken as they bore on to me.

“I can’t wait for you to sleep here in my unit. It’s been a while since we’ve had to make love.” His lips were in line but I can sense that there’s a ghost of a smile hiding in there.

I pursed my lips and get away from his glares. I felt my face heated. Naramdaman ko pang hawakan ng kaniyang index finger ang aking pang-ibabang labi na madalas niyang gawin.

I smacked his arm when his index finger shoving sensually on my lower lip. Then I heard him barked a soft chuckle and he hugged me tightly afterward.

Nakatulog din agad ako pagkahatid niya sa akin sa unit ko. The morning I woke up I smelled cooked food from my kitchen. Nagmadali agad akong bumangon para tingnan kung sinong tao ang nasa loob ng bahay ko.

“What’s that smell?” I asked myself when I felt my mouth drool from that tasteful smell.

Nang makahantong ako sa kusina ay nakita ko ang malapad na likod ni Rhaegar. He’s wearing a simple plain white shirt paired with dark blue jeans.

Naglakad ako palapit sa lamesa at nakita ang breakfast na hinain niya para sa aming dalawa. I was in awe every time he cooked for me especially in breakfast because no one does it for me.

“Morning,” his voice said in front of me.

Napaangat ako ng tingin sa kaniya. He looked fresh and newly bath. Bigla tuloy akong nakaramdam ng hiya dahil lumabas ako ng kuwarto ko ng walang sipilyo at ligo.

“Good morning,” I smiled at him.

He then walked near my place and caught my waist with an embrace.

“Rhaegar, I haven’t take a shower yet,” I said as I moved away my face when he tried to crouch for a kiss.

I felt him sniff my neck. Nakahawak naman ang dalawa kong kamay sa dalawang braso niyang mahigpit na nakakapit sa aking likuran.

“Damn, you smell so good in the morning baby. You don’t even have to take a bath.” He whispered on my ears huskily then seductively bit my earlobes that sents tingle on my stomach.

I groaned and craned my neck. He kissed my neck then rose from my jaw to my cheeks until it meets my lips.

I looked at him after that subtle kissed. His eyes hooded as it bore on me. I smiled at him, our head was both leaning on our foreheads. Our nose touched as I looked at his deep gray eyes.

“I’m taking my bath first before we eat our breakfast,” I softly said to him. Our eyes locked on the eyes of each other.

“Okay,” his voice weakened in hoarse.

Ilang saglit niya pa kong pinapapak ng halik bago tuluyang pinakawalan.

“Damn, you really taste so good in the morning.” He mumbled boyishly.

I grinned at that. Wala akong oras na saying at mabilis din akong nakalabas ng aking silid. We ate breakfast together and have talked more about some stuff that we’ve missed to have a conversation in the past few days.

It was bliss. I feel like we’re really making it together. We had been lack of communication in the past few days and I think that is the reason why we almost lost this thing we have with each other.

We also have talked about the partys’ venue because it was as real as grand. Sa sasakyan niya ako sumakay nang makababa kami ng basement. It past eight-thirty in the morning and now we are heading to his designer that he had been scheduled for us today.

We have been assisted inside this huge boutique towards the dressing room. There’s a man in his mid-forties approached us when we entered the huge room.

“Mr. Rhaegar Kaywin Sullivan, it’s a long time no see. It’s a pleasure to see you again.” The man’s voice was clear but the manliness was vague.

Tinapunan lang ni Rhaegar ito ng blankong tingin nang balingan ko siya. And when I looked back at the gay in front of us he was now glancing at my waist. Then I noticed that it was Rhaegars’ hand resting on my waist he was looking at.

I cleared my throat at that and slip away slowly from Rhaegars’ hold. He then glanced at me with a raised brow when he felt me moved away at hindi naman ako hinayaang makawala mula sa kaniyang pagkakahapit.

“Roy, I don’t want to waste more time,” Rhaegar muttered sternly at the gay in front of us.

Nakita ko namang natigilan siya at mukhang natatarantang naglakad papasok sa isang pintuan. At nang lumabas siya ay tulaktulak na niya ang isang mahabang bakal na de gulong na kung saan doon nakasabit lahat ng mga damit.

It was neat and very dashing when you glance at it.  It was all coat for Rhaegar and the gowns for me were all in line standing near the glass body manikin.

“Kung mas maaga lang sana kayong nakapagsabi sa’kin Rhaegar baka sakaling nagawan ko kayo ng bagong designs,” Roy said to us.

Nginitian ko lang siya.

“No need, I trust your works of design. They will be perfectly fine for us.” Rhaegar said as he walked and choose his pair of suits to finally have it fitted on him.

Napangiti naman si Roy. “Thank you, Mr. Sullivan, for your belief.”

Rhaegar has fit his chosen coats habang sa’kin naman ay inaasikaso ako sa pagpili ng gown na babagay sa akin. Hindi ko na napansin si Rhaegar dahil naging abala rin ako sa pagpili.

“Naku hija, sa ganda ng hubog ng katawan mo lahat ng gown designs ko ay babagay sa’yo. You’re a perfect model and have this charismatic beauty.” Roy said to me with a smile ear-to-ear.

I just smiled at him a bit. I don’t know how to react to that kind of compliment.

Sa tingin ko ay inabot ako ng isang oras sa pamimili dahil halos lahat ng nandito ay napakagaganda. Natanaw ko pa si Rhaegar nang patungo na aking fitting room na nakaupo sa sofa na nakatingin sa akin, mukhang hinihintay na lang niya ako.

Two women assisted me in wearing the long gowns. It was a bit heavy but some were manageable and prettily fitted on me perfectly.

Ilang oras din akong nagpapalit palit. And when I found the right one ay hindi ko na iyon ipinakita pa kay Rhaegar na suot ko. He has always checked what was I am wearing in the fitting room.

The gown I’ve been chosen will  be delivered to my condo unit on Saturday morning. Hindi na rin kami nagkita ni Rhaegar nang sabadong iyon dahil sinabi niya sa’king may gagawin siya sa trabaho. It’s my rest day kaya hindi na niya ako pinasunod sa opisina kahit na gustohin ko man.

We didn’t dine together that Saturday night until Sunday morning came. I was in my unit when he called me.

“Morning,” his husky voice greeted me, seems like he just also woke up from his bed.

“Good morning,”

“See you later, I can’t wait to see you.” He said in a deep large voice.

He’s not in his condo unit last night. He texted me that his dad called him and he was obeyed to go after him so we haven’t seen each other the whole day yesterday.

I stayed at my condo the whole day and before the night came I started to call Sofi to come over and had my makeover dahil hindi rin naman ako sanay na mag-ayos ng heavy make-up but I want it to be neat and light as possible as it be. I want my skin to look natural.

“Who bought you this dress?” Sofi asked me nang makita niya ang susuotin ko.

“Si Rhaegar,” I replied.

I haven’t told her everything that’s in between me and Rhaegar but I know Sofi gets to know it already. Alam ko namang malakas ang pandama ng isang ’to.

“It’s a very known local designer, Ria! And it’s also known internationally. The price!” She shrieked as she showed me the price from its box. My mouth dropped open.

It was absolutely expensive. I shouldn’t be shocked because I expect it already but when I now saw the price, it horrifies me.

“Kung sana ay may boss lang din ako na katulad ni, Mr. Sullivan. I maybe found the destiny you are saying to me, Ria. He’s a total package.” Hirit pa niya habang tinutulungan ako sa pagsuot ng aking gown.

“Hindi mo pa rin ba nakikita Sofi? Wait ka lang, don’t rush. The perfect person will come.” I said to her as I finally wear my dress.

Then when I sat on my vanity she now started fixing my hair in a manner of soft big waives.

She had made my soft thin lips in a nude pink glossy finish. I get the looked at what I wanted to achieve and it was Sofi’s idea.

Nang matapos ako sa pag-aayos ay saktong pagtawag ni Rhaegar sa akin. I get my phone habang si Sofi ay abala sa pag-aayos ng makeups.

“You done?” He asked.

“Yes, ikaw? Are you still in your unit?”

I heard him sigh on the other line. “Nope, I’m…outside your unit.”

My heart almost burst when he said that. I blinked and I feel like I’m lost for words.

“H-Huh? N-Nasa labas ka na ng unit ko? Why you didn’t tell me. Kanina ka pa ba-”

“I’m fine, Aiden. I just arrive, okay. Tell me when you’re done, I will wait.” He said huskily.

I bit my lower lip. “Sigi,”

I took a glance at myself again at my reflection to see if I’m all good. At nang makuntento ay kinuha ko na ang clutch ko para makalabas na ng unit dahil naghihintay na sa akin si Rhaegar.

“Aalis ka na? Hindi pa ako tapos dito.” Si Sofi na makitang hinagilap ko ang ilang pang retouch ko mamaya.

“Oo eh, ikaw na mag lock ng pintuan.”

“Sigi, nandyan na ba si Mr. Sullivan?”

Napahinto ako sa tanong niya. At nang balingan ko siya ng tingin ay may mapaglarong ngiti na sumisilay sa kaniyang labi.

I just simply nodded my head. She shrieked in giggles then teasingly moved his eyebrows on me.

“Go na! Huwag mo na siyang paghintayin. Make his jaw dropped open by your beauty!”

Napangiti naman ako sa sinabi niya. At nang lumabas na nga ako ng unit ko ay natanaw ko si Rhaegar na naghihintay sa akin.

His eyes were on the floor but when my door opened his eyes lifted on me.

I smiled at him and looked away nang maramdaman ko ang ilang sa tingin niya. He was glaring at me dartedly. I saw how his eyes surveyed my whole being before his jaw moved.

“L-Let’s go?” I said dahil naiilang na ako sa paraan ng pagtingin niya sa akin.

I saw his adam’s apple moved before he went through me.

Naisarado ko na ang pinto ng unit ko. Inalalayan niya ako sa paglalakad patungong elevator. And when it closed he immediately pressed the basement then glance at me.

His grey eyes darken as he stared at me.

My gown was in high and low patterns. It is strapless with white thick folded fabric affixed on the shoulder. There are alluring big flowers attached on the waist side. The short sleeves are transparent, and there is outlay two-layer fabric attached to the dress. The outer fabric layers are transparent as they color light pink. My curves showed and my thighs were a bit revealing as my chest.

Rhaegar’s eyes narrowed and darken as he glances at me.

“You’re so fucking hot, baby. So beautiful that made me want to take you back in my condo unit right now.” He huskily muttered.

I gulped hard before I put my hands on his shoulders.

He’s wearing his neat black tuxedo. His black silver cufflinks caught my eyes when his hand gripped my waist.

He’s dashing immaculately. His sculpted jaw moved when our body cohered.

His deep-set of grey eyes went down on my lips then back to my eyes again. He licked his lower lips. I felt his minty breath touched my cheek.

He was so near. Our bodys’ were so close to each other that I almost felt the building-up sensation.

“Don’t go anywhere. I won’t let you leave my sight, Aiden. Promise me not to leave my side whatever happens. You’ll stay.” His voice was in emphasis of pleading.

“I promise,” I breathily uttered before he finally captured my lips.

Kabanata 22

Kabanata 22

Embrace

My lipstick nearly smudges after that impeccable kissed. He was too tight and oblivion that we are on the elevator and heading to his cousin’s party.

I was watching him as he drove the car. He was just driving silently and in a serious glare at the road. I was halt when he stopped the car near the entrance of the venue. He took a glance at me before he unbuckles his seatbelt and went out.

Hindi naman ako bumaba at nakitang umikot siya para pagbuksan ako ng pintuan. I went out as I smiled at him when he held my hand and immediately snaked his hand on my waist.

I saw his bodyguards scattered outside. He gave there his car key to manage as we now started walking inside.

Natanaw kong enggrande ang parteng bukana pa lang ng hotel. It seems that it was ready and exclusively occupied by this very special event.

Tinungo namin ang elevator. The event will be celebrated at the grand ballroom. At nang makalabas kami ng elevator ay bumungad agad sa amin ang ilang mga flash ng camera na hindi ko inasahan. Rhaegar’s bodyguards immediately go our way and accommodate us towards the huge door of the grand ball.

Ang kamay naman ni Rhaegar na nakapirmi sa aking baywang ay naramdaman kong humigpit ang pagkakakapit sa akin. The cameras continue flashing as we went through the entrance.

When we got our way to the foyer ay sumalubong sa amin ang mas marami pang camera. This was the foyer where people flock before they got inside.

I did actually already expecting this pero hindi ko lang talaga lubos na inakala na magiging ganito ang approach sa amin ng media. They were very attentive and really trying their hard to get hit on Rhaegar.

“Good evening Mr. Sullivan, may I know who is your date for your cousin Faye’s grand birthday celebration?”

“Mr. Sullivan you’re dashing as ever with your black tuxedo. Can I have a statement about your future plans for your real estate corporate company? We had heard you’re having a constructed luxury hotel together with the Ventura after it got postponed a long time ago back then.”

Some of the media ask as we went through the red carpet for a picture. Wala namang sinagot si Rhaegar ni isa sa mga ’yon at nagtuloy lang kami sa paglalakad. We took some photos together at halos masilaw ako sa dami ng camera ang nag-flash sa amin. Rhaegar held my elbow as he guided me inside.

Ang mga bodyguards niya ay hinaharangan ang ilang media na lumalapit sa amin. We walked gracefully even there’s a media that flocks on our way.

I can’t say that I’m also used to it. My stepsisters might be because every birthday celebration they have will be held with this bunch of media. Madalas lang ako sa likuran at hindi napapansin.

At bago kami tuluyang makapunta sa mga tables ay may ilang tanong pa rin akong naririnig sa kanila.

“Is it true that you’re in a relationship, Mr. Sullivan base on the photos and rumors scattered in the media this past few weeks, you have seen with a woman?”

“Sino ang kasama niyo ngayong gabi? Is she your girlfriend that will finally meet your parents, Mr. Sullivan?”

Nawala na ron ang atensyon ko nang tuluyan na kaming nakalayo sa bukana ng venue. I never pay attention to their questions earlier but now that I heard their hunch and rumors they want to confirm ay bigla akong nakaramdam ng hiya.

We had been together for a quite long now. Napa-usapan din namin ni Rhaegar na low-key lang ang magiging setup ng relasyon namin but the people always think it outside the box. Kaya kahit pa sabihin naming gano’n ang ginawa namin ay marami na pa lang nakakaalam na may girlfriend na siya.

I saw the guesses with their elegant long gowns as we now walked freely with them. Hindi ko pinagmasdan at tangi lang na dinama ang ilang mga mauusisang mga mata nila na nakatuon sa akin.

Naglalakad kami patungong harapan nang matanaw namin si Zion na mukhang napansin ang gawi naming dalawa.

“Hey there, Ms. Beautiful you look…stunning. Wow.” Zion said in awe when he approached us.

I just smiled at him. He was about to give me a peck of a kiss when Rhaegar immediately spoke that made him stop.

“Fuck off, Rockefeller. I can throw your ass off here.” Rhaegar mumbled with an emphasis of humidity.

Napahawak naman ako sa braso ni Rhaegar. Zion smiled at me then to him who’s looked patiently controlling his temper.

“Damn, Sullivan.” He then said as he shook his head with a ghost of a smirk on his lips.

Nang maghiwalay ang dalawa ay natanawan namin si Theron na papuntang gawi namin.

“Where’s your date?” Bungad na tanong ni Zion rito nang tuluyan siyang makalapit sa gawi namin.

They are both dashing as well with their suits. I even noticed women eyed them from afar.

“I have no date, why bother to bring.” Theron hissed to his cousin as he smiled at me.

“Well, I bother to bring one. She’s on the table waiting for me.”

“The fuck, Zion. You bring a woman here tapos paghihintayin mo lang sa table niyo?”

“Definitely, she’s just only here for appearance. I don’t need her after that.” Zion’s voice said sternly.

So pwede naman palang pumunta kahit walang date.

“Have you seen Mama?” Rhaegar then asked them as we now walked towards our table in front.

Maraming tao at halos lahat ay mula sa mayayamang pamilya at malalaking kumpanya.

“Nope, they are not yet here. Pati sila Mom wala pa. Let’s just wait for them here. They are on their way base on the last text I’ve got from them.” Theron answered.

The crowds were busy having conversations and even someone approached Rhaegar for some business. Naupo muna kami sa aming puwesto at nang ilang sandali ay magsisimula na ang programme.

Si Rhaegar ay nakaupo sa kaliwang bahagi ko habang si Zion naman ang sa kabilang kanan ko katabi ang babaeng kasama niya. Theron was sitting on the side of Rhaegar.

Mayamaya pa ay narinig kong magsalita si Theron sa tabi ni Rhaegar.

“They are here,”

Nakita kong bumaling sila sa likuran. And when I took a glance at the way they are glancing, I saw a very intimidating woman.

Tumayo silang tatlo at nilapitan ang ginang.

“Tita Amanda,” bati ng dalawa rito.

I even saw two stunning women with her and their husbands beside them.

Tumayo rin ako nang mapansing siya ang tinutukoy nila. Rhaegar’s mom.

They gave her a peck of a kiss then together with the two women beside them.

But when Rhaegar kissed her mom’s cheek ay nakita kong tumapon sa akin ang tingin ng kaniyang ina.

Kumawala si Rhaegar sa kaniyang ina at nananatili ang seryosong mga titig nito sa akin. Nagbaba ako ng tingin dahil hindi ko matagalan ang talim niyon.

I felt Rhaegar’s went on my side and held my back. Napaangat ako ng tingin sa kaniya.

Mabilis akong nakaramdam ng kaba nang makita ko ang malambot pero seryosong mga mata ni Rhaegar na nakatingin sa akin.

I turned my gaze on his mom.

“Good evening, Ma’am.” I nervously said.

Seryoso at ramdam mo ang talas sa mga mata nitong nakatitig sa akin.

Naramdaman ko naman ang tingin nila Zion sa akin.

“Who is this woman?” She asked in a very hostile tone.

I felt my hand shivered. I looked away as I gulped hard.

“This is Aiden, Ma…my secretary.” Rhaegar introduced me.

Nagtaas ang isang kilay ng kaniyang ina na tumingin sa akin. Her very red lips parted to speak.

“Have we met before?” She asked that made me think.

Napatingin ako kay Rhaegar nang tanuningin ako.

“I believe we haven’t met each other before.” I simply answered her, without looking into her eyes.

Suminghap ito at pasiring na nag-alis ng tingin sa akin.

“We will talk later, Rhaegar after this.” Aniya bago umalis patungo sa kabilang lamesa na nakalaan para sa kanila.

Pakiramdam ko naman ay nakahinga ako ng maluwag. Seryoso lang na nakatitig si Rhaegar sa akin habang magkatabi kami sa upuan.

Faye showed up and the people have greeted her. Natanaw rin niya ang gawi namin at nakita kong mapangiti siya.

Rhaegars’ mom never leaves my mind. Kahit na nasa kabilang table lang ito malapit sa amin ay hindi ko maiwaang makaramdam ng ilang. When I glance at their table I saw her stares at me. It was humid and very fierce.

I haven’t met her before. Hindi ko alam kung nakita na niya ako noon but that’s the best in my knowledge, na hindi ko pa siya nakikita noon.

Hindi ko na nagawa pang bumaling sa gawi nila dahil sa takot na magtama ang aming mga tingin. The food serves at ’yon ang aking pinagkaabalahan para maiwasan ang tingin sa akin ng kaniyang ina. Rhaegar never leaves my side at ramdam ko ang mga mata niyang sa akin lang din nakatuon.

Tipid ko lang siyang nginingitian sa tuwing magtatama ang tingin namin.

“You okay?” He will then asked me when he maybe feels that I’m uneasy.

“Yes,” I said as I nod my head to make him believe that I’m really fine and nothing to worry about.

His hand got on my back when he asked me that. Lumipad naman ang tingin ko sa gawi ng kaniyang ina at mabilis akong yumuko nang makita ang talim niyon sa akin.

“Bathroom lang muna ’ko.” Mayamaya ay paalam ko kay Rhaegar nang makaramdam na ’ko ng discomfort.

“Samahan na kita,” he pronounced.

Nakita ko namang may papalapit na sa aming mga kalalakihan. The businessmen who have talked to him earlier.

“Hindi na, ako na lang.”

“You sure?” He asked me, a bit hesitant to let me go alone nang makita niya rin ang mga businessmen na mukhang gusto rin siyang makausap palapit sa aming gawi.

“Yes,” I answered as I nod my head.

Pumayag naman siya at bago ako makaalis ay naramdaman ko pang sundan ako ng kaniyang mga mata. As I headed to the bathroom my eyes met woman and some man glaring at me. Hindi ko naman sila binalingan ng tingin at nagtuloy lang sa paglalakad.

But when I bumped into someone near the womans bathroom ay mabilis na kumabog ang dibdib ko.

“I’m sorry,” I immediately muttered.

Nanliliit ako sa lugar dahil sa mga taong nakapaligid sa akin. They are all elites and sophisticated as I glance at them. I feel like I’m some hewer here.

“Tumingin ka kasi sa dinadaanan mo– Ria?”

Nagugulat akong mapatingin kay Briana na nakataas ang isang kilay na nakatingin sa akin. She looked surprised to see me here.

Matunog siyang napangiting sinuyod ang aking kabuuan. Hindi makapaniwala at may pangungutya sa kaniyang mga mata.

“Look who’s here. How did you get in here? Are you a janitress here wearing that stupid gown?” She then inquired to me severely.

Tiningnan ko lang siya at wala akong balak na makipagtalo sa kaniya. We are near the bathroom at may kalayuan din ito sa bukana kung nasaan ang mga tao. Naglakad ako para lagpasan lang siya nang harangin niya ang gawing dadaanan ko.

“How are you, step-sister? Ang tagal na rin nating hindi nagkikita. I’m curious about your life now? Nakabingwit ka ba ng matandang businessman na imbitado sa event na ito kaya nagawa mong maka-attend?” She asked sarcastically that I immediately cutted off.

“Briana ayaw ko ng gulo-”

“Huh? I’m not doing anything wrong here. Kinakamusta ko lang naman ang kapatid ko dahil mukhang nakakaluwag luwag na sa buhay niya ngayon.” She then dwelled in me with cynicism.

I gritted my teeth. “Where’s Lolo?” Instead, I asked her that to avoid what she’s subjecting towards me.

“Oh no, I heard we have not associated with you anymore. You’re a Reyes now. So why ask about my dear grandpa?”

Nagbaba ako ng tingin at mapait na napangiti. I’m not one of them, I almost forgot.

“Ate Ria?” Mayamaya ay nakita kong dumating si Leigh na nagmula sa womans bathroom.

Mabilis niya akong nilapitan at sinalubong ng isang mahigpit na yakap. I hugged her back.

“Saan ka nagpunta, Ate Ria? I missed you…so much.” She asked me in between our tight embrace.

“I live in my condo now, Leigh. I missed you too.” Masaya ako na makita siya ngayon dito.

“Leigh, what are doing? Lumayo ka nga sa kaniya.” Briana’s voice whooped as she pulled her sister away from me.

Mahigpit naman ang kapit ni Leigh sa aking likuran at nakayap pa rin sa akin.

“Brianna, stop it. Nasasaktan si Leigh.” I said as I saw how she harshly held and pulled Leigh’s arm.

“Ate Ria, I wanna go with you-”

“Shut up, Leigh kung ayaw mong sabihin kita kay mom.” She threatened her.

Malungkot ang mga mata ni Leigh na tumingin sa akin. She’s now on her sister’s side when she got frightened to what her sister just cursed at her. She looked matured now. Leigh’s grown.

“Aalis na tayo,” ani Brianna sa kapatid habang matalim ang mga matang nakatingin sa akin.

“But I want to talk to Ate Ria,” she said sadly.

“No, Leigh! We’re going.”

Malungkot kong tinanaw si Leigh na papalayo na sa akin ngayon. She’s the only one who treated me that I’m like her real sister. Ibang iba ang ugali nilang dalawa ni Briana.

Nakatalikod na sila sa akin ngayon pero ramdam kong gusto pa akong makausap ni Leigh. I missed her as well.

Later on, I went to the bathroom and wash my hand. I looked at myself in the mirror before I let a sigh.

I don’t think I belong here. I’m such a poor cat who only works for life necessities. Naalala ko tuloy si Dad kung maayos na kaya ang lagay niya ngayon. I want to see him. Nakabalik na kaya siya ng bansa? Walang araw na hindi ko siya naaalala kaya sana mabuti na ang kaniyang lagay.

Nang bumalik ako sa table namin ay napansin kong nawala si Rhaegar. Si Zion lang ang tanging nandito at ang babaeng kasama niya na may masama pang tingin sa akin. Naupo ako at binalingan si Zion, inignora ang gawi ng kaniyang katabi.

“Nasan si Rhaegar?” I asked him.

Hinarap naman niya ako. “I saw him talking to someone,” he muttered.

Napakurapkurap naman ako. Maybe the group of businessmen earlier before I left him.

Umayos lang ako ng upo at pinagmasdan ang paligid para hanapin siya.

“Ria…”

Lumingon ako kay Zion nang tawagin niya ako.

I raised my brow. “Yes?”

His eyes were not playful, his lips were in line and brows shot up. He’s glaring at me seriously.

I shifted on my seat when his expression dawned on me.

“What is it, Zion? May problema ba?” Kinakabahan kong tanong sa kaniya.

He has this aura when he’s with me alone. I remember one in my office when he is the same as this…stern and very serious.

“I know this is bullshit but I want to know it from you,” his serious deep green eyes never leave mine.

“A-Ano ’yon?” I stuttered.

“Are you two are…together?” His eyes lifted on me.

I blinked and looked away.

“Zion, if you are-”

“Ria, I care for you.”

My eyes immediately glance at him in surprise. My lips parted in alarm.

“We are in a relationship now,” I said, hesitantly glaring at him.

I watched him sighed. Nagpirmi ang mata niya sa lamesa bago siya muling nagsalita.

“Do you like him?”

“Yes,” naguguluhan ako sa tanong ni Zion at ako ang kinakabahan sa ginagawa niya.

Nang mag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin ay nakita ko ang pag-aalala ron. His jaw clenched.

“Ria, I’ve warned you. I told you not to like him.” His voice was almost a whisper but I hear it, clearly with conviction.

Nakita ko pang mag-iwas siya ng tingin sa akin, ani mong may tinitingnan mula sa malayo, mariin ang mga mata. Umayos siya ng upo at bahagyang lumayo sa akin.

My forehead creased. “Hindi kita maintindihan Zion. What do you mean by warning me? Rhaegar is a good man. He’s arrogant and rigorous but he’s very different when he is with me.”

His jaw clenched and I can’t stop myself from worrying.

“He is, Ria. But… has he told you about-”

“Ms. Secretary! I’m glad you came.” Sabay kaming napabaling ni Zion kay Faye na nakatayo na pala sa harapan ng lamesa namin ngayon.

Napabaling pa muna ako kay Zion bago tumayo at lapitan si Faye.

I manage to smile at her genuinely. “Happy birthday. It’s my pleasure to come in here. Thank you for inviting me, it’s a very nice and grand celebration.” I greeted her.

She smiled at me. Her angelic features are defined more tonight. She’s very beautiful.

“Yeah, I know. Anyway, would you mind go with me on stage?” She asked me with a giggle on her lips.

I bit my lower lips and looked at the crowed para hanapin si Rhaegar.

“Uhm-”

“Bakit Faye? Ria is fine here at our table.” Si Zion na nakalapit na pala sa amin ngayon. He’s standing at my back.

Lumipat ang tingin ni Faye sa kaniya at nakita kong mas lawakan niya ang kaniyang pagngiti kay Zion.

“I’m the birthday celebrant, Vittorio Zion. So please, Ria…come with me, let her Zion,” she said with excitement visible in her eyes. She took out her hand for me. I glance at that.

Binalingan ko si Zion na nasa gilid ko na ngayon nakatayo. He’s just watching me intently with his serious glares.

“Tara,” I pronounced the word then Faye held my hand without any ado and pulled me towards the stage.

I walked with her and I immediately noticed the glares of everyone on our way up on the stage. The lights were more flashed and variant when I stepped on the stage for her.

Nakangiti siya sa akin nang maupo siya sa enggrandeng upuan na nakalaan para sa kaniya.

“Let’s take a picture, together.” She then said.

Hindi naman agad rumihistro sa akin ang gusto niyang mangyari. But when I saw the cameras pointing at us directly so I immediately went to her side.

“Maupo ka sa tabi ko, you’re so far. Come on, don’t be scared we’re just going to take a picture.” She said, plummy.

Nag-aalangan man ay naupo ako sa tabi niya and when the camera took several of shots ay natapon ang mga mata ko sa mga tao.

My gazes were caught by Rhaegar, he was with his Mom, and what makes me shifted on my sit is that Brianna was in front of them…with my grandpa and Tita Vera.

Tita Vera seems fond of Rhaegar. His mom was also talking to my grandpa. Nakita ko kung paanong tingnan ni Brianna si Rhaeagar at hawakan nang makipagkamay ito sa kaniya. She was glaring at him as she likes him already.

“Ms. Secretary, you okay?”

Napabaling naman ako kay Faye nang tanungin niya ako. She was smirking at me now. I hurriedly stood up.

“Aalis ka na?”

Napatingin akong muli sa gawi kung nasaan sila Rhaegar. Kinakausap siya ni Brianna and he seems very attentive but he’s not talking.

“Dito ka muna. Wala kasi akong kasamang manood.” She growled meaningfully.

Nangunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya. Then she patted her side for me.

“They are perfect, aren’t they?”

Nagbaba ako ng tingin sa kaniya. Is she pertaining to Brianna and Rhaegar?

“Look, he’s an heir. Tita Amanda wants a rich family for him. Their family loves pairing a lover. They’re not into the word of love. It’s nonsense to them.” She affirmed to me.

“Tingnan mo silang dalawa, Ms. Secretary. Aren’t they lovely? A perfect match-”

“Faye…what do you want?” I asked her with my setback glance.

I know what she’s doing. She’s showing me that I’m not for him. That his family won’t accept love for this kind of marriage.

She smiled at me sweetly. “Nothing, I just want you to know your place, Ria. It might hurt you if you crossed your lane.” Now her voice changed in worried.

I gritted my teeth. My place…

Hindi na ako nagtagal at iniwan na si Faye sa stage. She just wants me to go there with her to see how their family wants it for them.

I know my place and I know where I should be. But I believe in Rhaegar. He showed me the things I never expect him to be. He showed me affection na tanging siya lang ang makakapagparamdam sa akin.

Pagkababa ko ay hinanap ko agad ang gawi nila Rhaegar kung saan ko sila nakita kanina. But when I didn’t saw him there even when his parents and my grandpa and Tita Vera was their ay mabilis kong inilibot ang tingin sa paligid.

The place is huge but I clearly see everyone here. And when my eyes caught the other exit way where Rhaegar is heading on ay napako na ang tingin ko ron. Naglakad siya papunta don kasama ang isang babae.

Is that Brianna?

My heart hurt as it began to thumps rapidly. I need to talk to him. Naglakad ako patungo sa gawi ng pinuntahan nila nang maglaho sila sa paningin ko. Binilisan ko ang lakad ko at inignora ang mga matang nakatingin sa akin.

Where are they going?

Lumiko ako sa gawing nilikuan nila. And when I noticed the place we’re heading to some room ay natigil ako. What are they doing? Rhaegar…

Walang mintis sa paghuhuramentado sa pagpintig itong puso ko habang patuloy ako sa paglalakad. Pakiramdam ko ay nanghihina ako. Nahihirapan ako sa paglalakad dahil sa bigat ng mga paa ko sa bawat hakbang na aking ginagawa.

My mind was flooded by some shadows that could hurt me in time. I know what Rhaegar is, he couldn’t be like this. He promised not to hurt me.

Naramdaman kong kumirot ang puso ko. Naiisip ko pa lang na maaabutan ko siya sa kaparehang posisyon ni Tommen noon ay nadudurog na ako. I can’t stomach it.

But then I trusted him. He’s different from my past. He proved it to me.

“Kumusta ka na? I heard you’re having a great time.” I stopped walking when I heard Rahegar’s stern voice.

I was panting and catching my breath as I turned my gaze to the place where I heard the voice.

It was on the side of the hall. No one is here. Only them. I step back to hide myself. I stood proudly as I watched them intently.

My heart sank when I saw Rhaegars expression in stern glares at the woman in front of him. The woman’s back faces on me as Rhaegar’s showed on my way.

“I’m doing great, ikaw. How are you?” The woman answered her became breathy.

And then I neared him. It wasn’t Brianna. It’s not Brianna…

“Don’t worry about me Rhaegar,” her voice was so womanly that I can almost felt how soft it was and heartfelt.

Mariin at madilim ang mga mata ni Rhaegar na nakatitig sa kaniya ngayon. But when the woman caressed his jaw, his stoic and stern expression darkens as the gloom glint in his eyes that defines how he was feeling.

“I missed you…” It was so deep and husky, delicate as it can be.

I saw how Rhaegar’s jaw clenched. He didn’t hold the woman but I can see how much he wants to hold her back by his husky and subtle words.

My eyes grew watered and my heart started to feel in pain. The air seems short for me to breathe. I paused on breathing when Rhaegar suddenly scooped her face. I want to shut my eyes but my mind can’t.

I thought she will gonna kissed her but he’s not. He just hugged her tightly, with his eyes filled with sorrows. It was long and tight while no one is moving. Rhaegar’s eyes shut like he was savoring the moment. My hot tears escape as I saw him gipped the waist of the woman. I gritted my teeth before I finally looked away.

Napaawang ang bibig ko na para bang kapos na sa paghinga. Bagsak ang balikat at mabibigat ang mga hakbang kong naglakad palayo sa nakita.

My tears shed as my heartbreak in a half. He’s Rhaegar Sullivan and no one can make him change.

Lumabas ako ng venue na may nakadagang mabigat sa aking dibdib.

“Ria,”

Hindi ko nagawang mag-angat ng tingin kay Zion nang maabutan ako nitong naglalakad papasok ng elevator.

I looked at him, confused and ravaged. My shoulder trembled while my tears flowed down my cheeks. I wiped it swiftly like it never falls.

His green eyes glared at me in sadness like he knows what I am feeling. His jaw clenched as he watched me gripped on the silver handrest inside the elevator. Putting there all my weaknesses and agony.

“Z-Zion, I should listen to you-” my voice cracked as he cutted me off.

“Hush, it’s okay. Don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault.” He said then suddenly, I already know that he’s now brushing my back from an embrace. Comforting me like I was in bleed.

Seeing him hugging another woman tightly as well as gripping another womans waist…feels like I was betrayed again. But seeing that gloominess in his eyes… was already a heartbreak for me.

I feel stupid. I feel so stupid for believing him. I’ve done it before. I’m done being someones’ pastime. I’m done being this harsh to myself.

He found me hurt and had bruises that he made all heal, but turns out to make me more wounded. I shouldn’t let myself to him in the first place. It’s a wrong move already. I let myself be bait as his prey by his staid and humid predator self.

Kabanata 23

Kabanata 23

Engage

I am sure it wasn’t Brianna but half of me tells that it was her. The place must be dimmed that I can’t recognize her enough.

I withdrew from Zion’s embrace. I can’t seem to glance at him. I feel bleak about what I had seen.

Hindi ko alam kung totoo ba talaga ’yung nasaksihan ko kanina. Hindi ko kayang paniwalaan dahil si Rhaegar nga ’yon. Masakit pero hindi dapat ako magpadala sa nararamdaman ko.

I have been with this several times and somehow I should know how to go back on my phase. To be hurt wasn’t painful to me anymore, I’m getting used to it.

“Uuwi na ako, Zion,” I said weakly at him.

Ramdam ko ang seryoso nitong mga matang nakatitig sa akin. Hindi ko siya tiningnan at hinayaan ko lang ang sariling mamahinga ang pagod kong mga mata sa sahig.

The elevator opens, we’re now in the lobby of the hotel.

“Ihahatid na kita.” He then said, worried.

Lumabas kaming dalawa ng elevator at nakasunod siya sa aking naglalakad palabas ng hotel.

“Hindi na, you should go back. Baka hanapin ka nila ron. Hindi ka pwedeng mawala.”

“Ihahatid na kita, Ria. At isa pa hahanapin ka rin naman ni Rhaegar sa amin.” Aniya pa.

I halted from taking another step. Hinarap ko siya at pilit ang mga mata at labi kong tipid siyang ginawaran ng ngiti.

He stood proudly and glanced at me in worried. I hate that sympathy. I never wanted it. Dahil mas lalo ko lang nararamdaman na kinakaawaan ako. Na hindi ako naging maayos kailanman.

“I’m fine, Zion…if ever he asked you about me, tell him that I go home.” I said as my eyes beamed at him without blinking.

Nagseryoso naman ngayon ang kaniyang mga matang naninimbang sa akin.

Alam kong hindi naman niya nakita ang nakita ko pero hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ganito siyang umasta. He acted like he saw what I saw. And that is bugging me. Did he know it all? Kaya simula pa lang ay binalaan niya na ako kay Rhaegar?

“Ipapahatid nalang kita. Malalim na rin ang gabi at wala kang masasakyan sa daan. At least there, I will know that you get home safely.”

Suminghap ako. Pagod at wala na rin akong lakas para maghintay ng sasakyang daraan. I agree and didn’t hesitate to accept his offer. He accompanied me to his car at may isang bodyguard siyang nakita kong naghihintay sa amin sa gilid ng kaniyang sasakyan na mukhang maghahatid sa akin pauwi.

I felt him stared at me languidly for a while before he finally opened the door of his car for me.

Matamlay ko siyang binalingan ng tingin bago ako tuluyang pumasok sa loob ng kaniyang sasakyan. Pagkasara na pagkasara niya sa pintuan ng backseat kung saan ako pumasok ay mabilis na pumatak ang mga luha ko.

I bit my lower lip as I stopped myself from sobbing. Nakatingin lang ako sa labas ng bintana buong byahe habang pauwi ng condominium. Masakit at mabigat ang dibdib kong yakap ang sarili sa loob ng sasakyan.

He made me a pledge… I sighed heavily as my eyes shut tightly.

A promise that he will try his very best.

My lips parted when I felt my heart stings. I stop from letting my tears flowed on my cheeks freely. Then I wiped the moist of tears on my face.

Nakarating ako ng condo unit ko nang hindi ko namamalayan. Masyado akong liyo at ligaw dahil sa mga iniisip. My mind was flooded with so many thoughts. Together with the least low beat of my heart, weak and exhausted from thumping.

I lazily lie down on my bed without removing anything. Mabilis na hinagilap ng aking kamay ang unan sa aking tabi na mabilis kong niyakap ng mahigpit.

I buried there my face. Napasinghap ako nang maramdamang manikip muli ang aking dibdib. Hindi ako iiyak. I reminded myself. I’m done with crying all my life. He promised not to hurt me and keep me in bliss. I cannot believe that I believe in those lies again.

I heard my phone rang but I just ignored it. It rang several times that night that I get to fall into dossed without getting to answer it.

I know that it was just Rhaegar who is calling me and I don’t feel good talking to him at this state. It was my feelings who get hurt and I don’t think I could have noticed him after that.

Hindi niya sa akin gagawin ’yon. Hindi niya ako lolokohin. He said that he didn’t want me gone nor leave his side. So why would he do something that would tear us apart?

Gusto kong paniwalain ang sarili ko sa mga pangakong sinabi niyang pinaniwalaan ko at patuloy kong kinakapitan. But my mind just won’t this time. I wanna hold him still. It’s stupid but I want to know what is truth.

His family wants something honorable and wealthy woman for him. I get that Faye is showing me that earlier to get me more eager to get lost in him. Maybe she thinks that I will that easily let him go.

I won’t leave him…not after what I see.

Gulo at masakit ang ulo kong nagising kinaumagahan. I sighed when everything that happens last night flashed on my mind.

I lazily stood up from my bed and went out of my room. I headed to the kitchen to have a drink because I feel so drained. Pagkapasok ko pa lang ng kusina ay bumungad na agad sa akin ang malapad na likuran ni Rhaegar. Huminto ako sa paglalakad. I can see that he was preparing food for us.

Hindi niya napansin ang gawi ko kaya saglit ko siyang pinagmasdan. Pakiramdam ko ay panaginip lang ang mga nangyari kagabi. Mapait akong napalunok nang maimaheng may niyayakap siyang iba.

It was not a dream, Ria. It was substantial that made me feel week and awful today as I watched his back.

Humarap siya sa gawi ko at nakita kong huminto ang kaniyang seryosong mga mata sa akin. His lips parted and his eyes were in dark.

“Morning,” he muttered in a huge deep voice.

I blinked and looked away. I half-open my mouth for air to breathe.

I saw him immediately walked towards my way. He’s already wearing his white button-down shirt, ready to go for his work.

I took my glance back at him when he was neared. Nang tuluyang makalapit siya sa akin para patakan ng halik ang aking labi gaya ng madalas niyang gawin ay agad kong iniwas ang aking mukha.

His hand hangs in the air, ready to held my waist when I slipped away in front of him and walked at the carafes at the countertop.

Naramdaman kong maestatwa siya at sandaling natigilan. Nagsalin ako ng tubig sa aking baso at ininom iyon.

“Aiden,” ramdam ko ang diin sa tono niyon nang tawagin niya ako.

He was on my side now, standing proudly with a serious scowl look on me.

“What’s wrong? Are you not feeling well?” He then asked me.

Ininaba ko ang basong hawak sa lamesa at hindi siya binalingan ng tingin.

“No, ayos lang ako,” I replied flatly.

Kahit na hindi naglalapat ang mga mata namin ay ramdam ko ang talim ng kaniyang mga mata na tumutusok sa akin ngayon.

“I was looking for you last night. Why you didn’t call me that you are feeling sick so we can go home right away?”

Because you are too busy with someone…

“Zion told me that you feel dizzy. Nahihilo ka pa rin ba?” He asked again, now I feel that he’s worried.

He shouldn’t. He has nothing to worry about. We are fine.

We stayed silent for a minute. Seems like he was waiting for me to say something. I heard him sigh. At naramdaman kong mas lapitan pa niya ako.

“I cooked us breakfast, I know you’re hungry. Ipaghahain lang kita.” He spoke again after the short silence.

Nag-iwas lang ako sa kaniya ng tingin at tinalikuran na siya.

“Aiden,” he sternly called me when I get far from him, walking away.

Huminto ako sa paglalakad, nananatiling nakatalikod sa kaniya at hindi siya hinaharap.

“I will just go…have my bath. Balik lang muna ako ng kuwarto ko.” I said to him without even facing his way.

“Sigi, hihintayin kita,”

Dumiretso na ko at pumasok ng aking silid. Alam kong magtataka siya sa trato ko sa kaniya ngayon. Hindi ko alam kung didiretsahin ko ba siyang tanungin tungkol sa nakita ko kagabi o ipagpatuloy ang ganitong pag-iwas sa kaniya.

I was not capable of holding things back but he was too precious to me as I was to him…thus I feel like it was a different way for him.

I want to know the truth if he just played me too. If he just fools me around all along. But then I was scared of the truth. If it was really Brianna, I don’t know how will both of us continue this relationship. But part of me believes that Brianna is just meddling with us and that I should stop her intervene between us. She’ll be the parasite that will both of us will ruin.

I want to pretend that I’m really fine dahil gusto kong ako mismo sa sarili ko ang makaalam kung ano ang nasaksihan ko kagabi.

Tahimik lang akong nakaupo sa tabi ni Rhaegar habang sabay kaming kumakain ng umagahan. I gulped when I decided to speak and say something dahil ramdam ko ang mapanuri niyang mga mata sa akin kanina pa.

“Hindi kita nakita sa paligid kagabi kaya nauna na akong umuwi,” I said without looking at him. Another lie.

My eyes remained on the food.

“Why you didn’t call me?” His voice was not subtle but still in its stern tone.

“I…haven’t think of it.”

I lifted my glance to his way and when our eyes met I saw how it was filled with seriousness mixed with hollow distress.

“You promised not to leave me. I thought you…leave me.” He then said, hoarsely.

Nagbaba ang mga mata ko sa kaniyang labi.

“You leave my side, Rhaegar. Hindi ako…”

His brows shot up. Eyes drifted on me like he was in an infraction.

I tried to plaster a smile on my lips. Showing it to him makes him feel that he has nothing to worry about.

“Where were you last night? Kasi…nawala ka pagkabalik ko galing bathroom.” I then asked him.

He didn’t look away from our stares. His eyes even darken more.

“I was talking with someone.”

“Your co-businessman?” I asked him in hope.

His jaw moved. “Yeah,” he breathily muttered.

I want to hate him for lying to me. But I just gave him a small smile.

I can’t believe it. He lied to me. As if I was expecting him to say that he hugged another woman last night and it was my sister.

The feeling was so much heave to bear. It was excruciating watching him beside me sitting like he wasn’t done anything wrong habang ako ay gulong gulo na.

Tahimik lang kaming dalawa at mukhang inaabangan ang isa’t isa na magasalita hanggang sa natapos nalang kaming walang imikan. Hindi kami sabay na pumasok ngayon ng opisina dahil nagdesisyon akong sa sasakyan ko ako sasakay.

I feel bad dahil hindi man lang niya ako tinanong kung bakit o pinilit man lang na sa sasakyan niya nalang ako at magsabay kaming dalawa.

“Okay,” he only said after I uttered that I will be using my car today.

May problema. He just keeps it silent and I know what it was. I feel it and I saw it with my two naked eyes.

’Yon kaya ang dahilan niya kaya ayaw niya akong pumunta ng party na iyon? That he will be seeing his woman with his family?

I feel bitter about it. Thinking how his Mom glanced at me. Piercing and judging me already by her glares. Hindi niya ako pinakilala bilang girlfriend niya. He introduced me in my name…as his secretary.

At that moment, I then feel that his Mom won’t like me. Rhaegar…what does he really feel towards me? My doubts started to haunt me again like the first day I felt this feeling for him.

I tried to stop myself. I’m from heartache and I know what kind of man he is, but still, I let him. Is that count as my another mistake? Is that count on my long list of heartaches with the same reasons for fooling and playing me around?

Am I get fooled again? Will I be abandoned and betrayed again this time?

I won’t let it now. I know my value and place like what they always said to me. I’m not that some kind of trash. Dapat simula pa lang, naagapan ko na ’yong sarili ko.

Rhaegar was doing his work this morning so am I. Pakiramdam ko ay ang liit ng lugar na ginagalawan ko dahil parehas kaming nasa opisina niya. He didn’t talk but I always caught him glance on my way.

We have scheduled his meeting for this morning and we get to attend it. It took almost two hours that we were almost done with lunch.

He was watching me the whole meeting and all I can do was to avoid his stares. I wasn’t looking back, but I know he’s calculating with his thought now.

We ate lunch together and I feel like every time this goes long ay mas lalong tumatagal ang katahimikan sa pagitan naming dalawa.

I don’t have a thing in my mind to say unless to open up the topic that I want him to tell me what happened last night. I can’t just bring it up but it still bugs me.

Nang matapos kami sa pagkain ay wala pa ring nagtangkang magsalita sa amin. But when my telephone rang I answered it.

“Secretary Reyes, papunta na po riyan ngayon sa opisina ni Mr. Sullivan si Madame Amanda kasama ang Senior.” The attendant from the main desk said.

Nagulat ako sa sinabi ng attendant dahilan para mamilog ang mga mata ko. Napatingin naman ako sa gawi ni Rhaegar na mukhang hindi rin naman ako napansin. He’s now working.

I hang up the call after that. Should I tell him? Anytime soon his parents will be here. Biglaan ito at hindi ko inasahang ngayon ko sila makikita dito sa opisina.

This is their very first time coming in here in the office, me as Rhaegar’s secretary. I stood up to went outside the door para salubungin sila nang tumunog muli ang telepono ko.

Kinuha ko iyon at sinagot. This time when I glance at Rhaegar’s way he’s looking at me.

“Yes?” I asked.

“Secretary, the De Laughrey-” I put down the phone when the door open.

Madame Amanda and his husband went inside while her glares immediately locked on my way. Her intimidating and judging eyes met mine.

“Why your secretary is not outside your office, Rhaegar? Did she even inform you that we are getting in?” Madame Amanda asked as she walked in front of Rhaegar’s table sophisticatedly.

I take a glance at Rhaegar’s way and I saw how his forehead creased and brow arched on me. Like he was waiting for me to say something to him again. I remained silent as I looked away.

“I’m sorry, I just receive the call-”

“How disappointed. How come you stayed long in your job when you are incompetent with it.” She cutted me off with her tough words.

I gulped and bowed my head to looked down, getting away from her sharp glares.

Nakatingin siya sa akin at mariin ang mapanghusgang mga mata niyang sa akin nakatutok. Iniwas ko ang aking paningin dahilan para magtama ang mga mata namin ni Rhaegar.

He stood up from his swivel chair and I saw his dad went near his wife.

“Ma, don’t talk to her like that. She’s my secretary, please respect-”

“Shut up, Rhaegar.” His mom’s words were like a dagger.

Natahimik si Rhaegar at nakita ko kung paanong gumalaw ang kaniyang mga panga.

“You didn’t call me. What’s with the sudden visit?” Rhaegar’s voice is humid as he glances at her mom with his serious glares now.

“We have to settle some sort of things.” Her mom said, strictly muttered to him.

“What is it Pa?” He asked his father beside his mom.

“You will know it, son.”

They talked like they were so very serious and strict. At nang binalingan ako ng kaniyang ina ng tingin ay agad ko namang sinalubong kahit na hindi ko matagalan iyon. Frightened for the words she will throw in me again.

“If you mind, ‘Ms. Secretary’, I want a time with my son.” She said, emphasizing how she called me.

I slightly bowed my head. “Yes madame,” I answered.

Mariin ang tingin ng ginang sa akin at hinihintay akong makalabas ng silid. Hindi ko na binalingan pa ng tingin si Rhaegar bago ako tuluyang makalabas ng opisina niya.

Marahan kong isinarado ang pintuan. I sighed when I remembered how her mom glared at me. It was like she’s started to judge me and know who I really was. Like she’s already disgusted with me. I feel like she will never let her son have me. She’s very outstanding to seize his son being in a relationship with his secretary. That maybe sounds nauseate to her.

Nang maglakad ako patungo sanang elevator pagkalabas ko ng opisina para sana ipaghanda ng maiinom ang mga Sullivan kaso ay nahinto ako sa paglalakad. Saglit na namilog ang mga mata ko nang makita ko si Lolo, he’s with Tita Vera and Brianna beside her.

If Tita Vera was already here, so Dad probably might be here also. She’s the only one who took care of Dad abroad so I assume she will come back here with him.

Nagkasalubong ang landas namin nila Lolo. Tahimik akong nakatayo habang pinagmamasdan silang maglakad sa harapan ko. My grandpa took a glance on my way but it was just a glimpse like I was an employee who works here and has greeted him.

Naasinghap ako. My heart hurt. Tita Vera even eyed me as she walked beside Lolo. And when Brianna noticed me, she stops in front of me.

Nakita ko rin kung paanong matigilan sila Lolo nang huminto siya.

“You’re working here?” Bakas ang gulat at disgusto sa mga mata ni Brianna nang tanungin niya ako.

“Brianna, let’s go. She had nothing but to waste our time in here. Hinihintay na tayo ng mga Sullivan.” Tita Vera called her.

Sullivan’s are waiting for them?

“You looked so curious, Ria. If you are really working here. You will definitely know why we are here.” She uttered while giving me a perilous smile.

My mouth parted, brows met as I glared at her back.

“Brianna, hurry up.” Napalingon ako kay Lolo na may mapanghusgang mga tingin.

Saglit pa nila akong tatlo na tiningnan na may pangungutya sa mga mata bago nila ako tuluyang talikuran paalis. My eyes went down on the floor when they finally left me.

They are here because Sullivan’s called them. But what are their other reasons to be here? My mind tangle as I operated the coffee and juices I made for them.

Rhaegar seems unaware of what is happening when his parents suddenly showed up. I get the drinks I prepared that I will serve to his office and ready myself before I get inside.

Kinakabahan man ay marahan kong binuksan ang pintuan. A guy from the cafeteria helps me bring the drinks trolley here. Halos lahat sila ay napatingin sa gawi ko ng makapasok ako sa loob tulak ang mga inuming inihanda para sa kanila.

They were on the huge long table sitting on the right side of this office. Making it seems like they were at the meeting. Rhaegar’s mom’s eyes narrowed on me. I ignore it as I looked away from their glares at wala ako ni isang binalingan sa kanila.

It shows like I interrupt their conversation when I got here inside. Kinabahan ako dahil hindi ko naman intensyong maputol sila sa kanilang pinag-uusapan.

“We have arranged this last week. At nakausap ko na rin si Rhaegar tungkol dito nung nakaraang linggo pa.” I heard Rhaegar’s mom spoke, ignoring my presence as I put their coffee on the table. I also put their bottle of water in front of each of them.

“That’s great to hear. We better have this deal set off so we can plan about the near engagement.” It was Tita Vera who spoke.

Ang kaninang mga mata kong nakapirmi sa ibaba ay ngayo’y nag-angat at tumapon kay Tita Vera. Napahinto ako sa ginagawa.

Engagement? Nang magtama ang mga mata namin ni Rhaegar ay nakita ko kung paanong dumilim iyon at dumaan ang pangamba ron.

“The media will definitely go on our way so it’s better to have it schedule before we announced it or let’s just throw an engagement party where the media and other alliance can attend.” It was Tita Vera again.

Nagtagpo ang mga mata namin ni Brianna na nakatingin sa aking gawi. She smiled at me, sarcastically.

“Hayaan natin ng mga batang mag desisyon kung kailan nila gustong ganapin ito,” Lolo said as I put his drinks in front of him. Hindi niya ako tiningnan at walang pakialam na hinayaan ako.

“Kailan ba ang gusto mo hija? Do you even have a specific date in your mind? So we can settle it now,” Rhaegar’s mom asked Brianna.

At nang nasa kay Brianna na ako maglalagay ng tubig ay binalingan niya pa muna ako bago nagsalita.

“Uhm, ikaw Rhaegar? Kailan mo ba gustong magpakasal tayo?” She then asked him sensually.

I almost froze at what I am doing when I heard Brianna’s sensual voice. I felt my hand trembles as I put down the coffee in front of Brianna.

My throat immediately runs dry. Nang umalis ako ron at lumayo kay Brianna ay ramdam ko ang riin sa mga mata ni Rhaegar na kanina pa ako pinapanood sa ginagawa ko.

He didn’t say anything. His glares just locked on my way with his deep-set eyes.

“Hija, engagement party pa lang ang tinatanong ko at hindi pa ang kasal.” Madame Amanda said to her.

“That’s where it is heading too, Tita. And also I’m fine with any dates as long as it happens very soon. Rhaegar and I have talked about it last night actually. And the last time we have been together before that party was great also.” Brianna said with a smirk on her lips.

“You two spend the night together?” Tita Vera asked her like she was a bit surprised.

“Oh, Vera! Ano ka ba, they are not kids anymore. At isa pa malapit na rin ang engagement party so it will be a great news to hear that they are getting along.” Madame said to her.

I gritted my teeth. It was really Brianna I saw last night. Sila na ba? Baka nga sila na. What is this engagement for right? And what is she said, they have met before the event last night. So it happened to be on Saturday.

Saturday…we haven’t seen each other that whole day. He said that his Dad called him. Ni hindi rin siya umuwi ng gabi sa unit niya. Is that mean that they really have spent the night together?

And when he called me, Sunday morning…his voice was like he just wakes up from the long night.

When I took a glance at Rhaegar’s way his jaw clenched. His eyes remained on me, darkly glaring at me. His brows meet and lips in a grim line.

“Then let’s call it a day. We have settled it on Friday morning then.” Lolo grunted.

Mr. Sullivan was just silently watching my grandpa. Rhaegar eyes drifted on him when he noticed that this will be ended without him saying anything.

He will be engaged to my sister. Rhaegar and Brianna, I can’t take it. And Rhaegar seems like he has nothing to do with it even I know he can do something about it.

He’s just there, watching me like he didn’t care at all of this. My chest heave and I felt like my heart breaks in two this time. From what I saw last night and now this.

I shouldn’t be even surprised that they will be married in no time.

I gritted my teeth and looked away. He’s in a relationship with me but he lied to me about this. He will be going to engage my sister…to my sister.

“Anyway, can I go to your condo tonight, Rhaegar? I missed your place, maybe I can drop by there tonight.” Said Brianna with a malicious voice.

Mapait akong napalunok nang sabihin iyon ni Briana. Hindi ko na naiwasang mapaiwas ng tingin kay Rhaegar. This is too much. He’s hiding so many things from me.

Kabanata 24

Kabanata 24

Grip

“You both should dine later here tonight.” Tita Vera’s voice stabs on me.

“Make a reservation tonight, son. You need to get in touch with each other since you are both getting together soon. Isn’t it a great idea? Get bond and know each other.”

Naging mabigat ang aking paghinga at pag-alpas ng aking dibdib. Nagagawa kong tagalan ang pagtayo dito kahit na alam ko namang pwede ko na silang iwanan at hindi na pakinggan pa sa kanilang pinag-uusapan. Para ko lang sinasaksak ang sarili ko sa mga pinagsasasabi nila.

Letting myself get hurt and wounded made me realize that I did the same mistake again. This won’t work. This relationship won’t do any good for both of us. He will be engaged soon to Briana. What will gonna happen to us then?

Should I still ask myself this kind of ill question? We will break up. He has Briana and he’ll have her than you, Ria.

“It’s fine Tita, I get used to Rhaegar in time. He is very serious and strict but I like how-”

“Keep your trap shut, Briana,” Rhaegar retorted in a very threatening way.

Napaangat ako ng tingin sa kaniya at nakita kung gaano iyon katalim na nakatitig kay Briana ngayon.

“Rhaegar! You shouldn’t talk to her that way.” His mom said to him with conviction as she emphasizes every word of it.

“It’s alright Amanda, baka nabigla lang si Rhaegar-” si Tita Vera na agad ding naputol sa sinasabi.

“No, you should apologize to her. She will be your future fiance and wife in the head of time. You can’t treat her this way.” It was his mom.

Briana was just sitting silently and looking at Rhaegar with a scary act plastered on her face. I gritted my teeth. When I checked on Rhaegar’s way I saw how his jaw clenched. His eyes remained piercing and darken each time you glance at it.

My heartbeat began to race itself. It was thundering inside of the cage of my chest.

“Rhaegar, treat her better.” It was now his father who spoke menacingly like him.

When my eyes caught my grandpa’s way, I paused from breathing. He was glaring at me like I did something wrong. I immediately looked away nang hindi ko matagalan iyon.

Naghihintay silang lahat sa sasabihin ni Rhaegar. If he will be going to say his apology or not. Tumapon sa akin ang tingin niya. I stared at him back, not leaving his glares on me.

He should be sorry. That’s her future fiance after all. I bitterly said in my mind.

I felt my eyes heated so I looked away to get away from his glares on me. I gulped hard before I went outside of his office.

Hindi ko na natagalan pa at nagtuloy na ako sa paglalakad palabas ng opisina. Before my tears feast on my cheeks, I dried it already on my eyes.

I didn’t have my bag with me kaya hindi rin ako makakaalis ng lugar na ito ngayon. My phone was also there inside the office. I checked the time on my wrist and when I saw that it’s time for me to go home and my hours of work ended now ay dumiretso na ako papasok ng elevator.

I wanna leave now. I want to get away from him. If he cannot keep our relationship bakit niya pa ako pinili kung magulang lang rin pala niya ang mamimili ng taong pakakasalan niya.

Maybe he doesn’t take me seriously at ako na naman itong umasa at nag-assume na baka siya na ngang talaga. I let my heart each day with him to be lost in bliss. It always feels ecstatic and I never expect that this day would come.

He respects his mother. He valued his family especially his parents, so he would probably have obeyed their commands. I’m just his girlfriend, his secretary. My part on his life being an opinion didn’t matter at all. And what it hurts is that I understand it. I fully understand that the family should come first before anyone else because they only want what is best for you.

Bumaba ako ng lobby at tinungo ang labas ng building. Hindi ko alam kung saan ang destinasyon ko ngayon basta ang tanging laman lang ng isipan ko sa mga oras na ito ay ang makaalis na.

I can’t take it any longer. I can’t hear them more longer. Dahil sa bawat segundong tumatayo ako ron ay alam kong sinasaktan ko lang ang sarili ko. Mas higit ko lang na sinusugatan ang puso kong nagsisimula ng mapuno ng galos.

Pinara ko ang bawat taxi na dumadaan ngunit walang humihinto. Nag-umpisa na ring pumatak ang mga luhang kanina ko pang pilit na huwag tuluyang bumuhos. Mabigat ang aking dibdib na parang may malaking batong nakadagan.

Dumidilim na rin ang kalangitan, ani mong kasabay ng paglubog ng kutsilyong tumatarak sa aking dibdib ang paglaho ng haring araw. Nakatayo at naestatwa na ako sa aking kinatatayuan habang naghihintay ng masasakyan.

And when I saw the familiar black Maserati car parked in front of me I step back. The door of the driver’s seat opens as I started to walk away.

Tinalikuran ko ang sasakyan at mabilis naglakad paalis.

“Aiden! Sandali,” it was Rhaegar who is calling me.

Hindi ako huminto sa paglalakad palayo sa kaniya. Naramdaman ko namang nakasunod siya sa akin.

“Let’s talk, Aiden. Please, I want you to hear me. How could we settle this if you keep on ignoring me?” Ang boses niya ay palakas ng palakas sa bawat hakbang na ginagawa ko, ay ganon niya rin ako kabilis na maaabutan.

“Kanina ka pang umaga na ganito. Tell me what is wrong. Talk to me. Let’s talk about it together.” His voice deepens.

“Rhaegar, wala naman na tayong dapat pang pag-usapan,” I said as I walked towards the parking lot of the company.

Hindi ko gustong sa lobby na dumaan papasok ng building dahil alam kong may mga empleyadong makakakita sa aming dalawa. He stalked me as I walked towards the parking lot. He was on my back and I feel how serious and hostile he was.

What is he doing here anyway? Hindi ba ay mahalaga pa silang pag-uusapan ng pamilya niya at nila Lolo. So why stalking me? He should be there and acknowledge everything they had planned for them.

“We have so much to talk about, Aiden. Please…let me explained everything to you.”

“You don’t need to explain Rhaegar, I understand you-” He gripped my wrist as he pulled me to face him.

I almost shrieked but no voice came out from my mouth. The only thing I heard was the loud beating of my heart like it was mad and want to get out of its cage. It was hurt and want to be free. He freed it and now I’m confused if he really freed me.

Our eyes locked on each other. His narrowed eyes drifted on me. My jaw dropped so my lips parted as I glance at him back. His jaw clenched and looked like he is losing his patience. We’re now near the elevator here in the basement of the parking lot.

“Aiden, pag-usapan natin ’to.” He said in a deep husky voice.

His eyes became weak and worriedly glance at me. Nagbaba ang mga mata ko sa kamay niyang mahigpit na nakahawak sa aking palapulsuhan. Ayaw akong pakawalan.

“You should go back to your family. Briana must be waiting for you.” I said then pulled out my wrist from his tight hold.

Hindi niya ako ginawang pakawalan. I tried to pulled my hand from him. Nanghihina ako sa mahigpit niyang pagkakahawak sa akin. Pakiramdam ko ay puso ko iyon na pilit niyang sinasakop at hindi magagawang pakawalan.

“Rhaegar, please let’s stop this. Maghiwalay na ta-” naluluha ko nang ani nang bigla niya akong hapitin sa baywang at yakapin ng mahigpit.

“No! No, baby please, I won’t let you decide this instant. Pag-uusapan natin ’to. Hindi ako papayag.” His voice was very deep and dark. He wasn’t sound in plead but I feel how his word gets into my nerves.

He sounds weak and lost. He hugged me tight, afraid of losing me. Mas lalong bumigat ang malaking batong nakadagan sa dibdib ko habang mahigpit siyang nakayakap sa akin. Ang aking mukha ay nakasubsob sa kanyang dibdib habang ang dalawang kamay niya ay nasa aking likuran, mahigpit na nakayap.

“I know you are confused about what you heard inside the office. About the engagement that my parents arrange for me and to your sister Briana. I won’t Aiden, hindi ko gagawin yon. Just…just please don’t leave me. Hindi ko kaya. Please baby,” this is the first time I heard his voice cracked.

Nanlambot ang mga tuhod ko at marahan siyang niyakap pabalik. Ang mga luha ko ay patuloy sa pag-agos dahil sa kirot at sayang nararamdaman dahil sa mga salitang binibitiwan niya. But then it aches because I’m scared. What if he just tells me this because he’s afraid to lose me. But what about me? I am also scared to lose him but saying this just to make me stay will just make it worst.

I don’t know if he really meant it. Even I can feel how he was so sincere in his words. I don’t know what to believe. Hindi ko alam kung papakinggan ko ba ang malakas na pagtibok ng aking puso o ang isinisigaw ng isip kong pagod nang paulit ulit na makitang masaktan itong puso ko.

“Rhaegar, paano ako makakasigurado? You will be engaged soon. You never opened up to me. You never tell me what’s up with you nor what are you back then. Ang alam ko lang…you used women and throw them once they are useless to you anymore. I-Isa ba ako don, ha? Kasi alam kong alam mong pagod na ako, Rhaegar.” I said as my shoulder shuddered in between my sobs.

He brushed my back. “Hush, baby no. Listen to me, okay. I never see you that way. I treasured you. You are special to me. Hinding hindi ko gagawin sa’yo ’yon. I promised you before, remember? That I will make my very best to keep you happy. And to make you secure while in bliss was to be on my side. Keep on holding me, baby, please. Kasi wala nang ibang gagawa non kundi ikaw nalang. I can’t just lose you this way.” His voice was hoarse and in pain at the same time.

Gusto kong maniwala dahil ’yon ang nararamdaman ko. I know that I risk it too much when you depend on what you are feeling. But that’s how loves work. You need to take risks for it to see the beautiful and disastrous outcome. It will never be as beautiful as it can be like in the fairytales but at least you let yourself feel how it feels to be loved. It might be sting but it’s a wonderful sensation.

Magulo ang isipan ko dahil ang tangi lang na naglalaro sa aking isipan ay ang nalalapit na engagement ni Rhaegar. He said that he won’t take it but I know he’s not the only one who decides to it.

He seems very honorable that resisting his parent’s command will break them too. He looked like he was true to his words that he keeps his agreement with anyone.

I’m worried that this situation will cost a lot. But it will be his choice. His family will be mad at him. Now that I’m realizing that all of this will have pros and cons after he decides what’s best for him. I don’t think this won’t end up any good.

But to end up with him…that is what I want to look forward to. I want to have him on my side like how he madly wants me to stay with him.

Dinala niya ako sa condo unit niya at tahimik lang kaming pareho buong byahe. Walang nagtangkang basagin ang katahimikan na namagitan sa aming dalawa. We’re like calculating our thoughts and weighing each other’s situation.

I’m sitting on his sofa, silently. He’s standing in front of me, malalim at seryoso ang mga mata nitong tinitimbang ako nang makarating kami ng unit niya.

I heard him sigh as I looked away. Naglakad ito palapit sa akin. He remains standing at hindi nauupo hanggang hindi nahuhuli ang aking mga tingin.

I heard him sighed again for the second time.

“Are you starving? Gusto mo bang kumain muna tayo?” He then asked me, naninimbang ang mga matang sa akin ay nakatitig.

Nag-angat ako sa kaniya ng tingin at pagil ang mga mata kong tumapon sa kaniyang namumungay na mga mata.

“Hindi pa ako gutom,”

“But it’s late, kumain na muna tayo. I will prepare us food.” He insists in a final tone.

Hindi na lang ako umalma at hinayaan siya sa gustong gawin. Saglit pa muna niya akong pinagmasdan bago ako tuluyang iniwan sa sala at tinungo ang kitchen. Ilang minuto pa ang lumipas ay nagpasiya akong tumayo at sundan siya sa kusina.

The moment I step in my feet on the kitchen ay agad na sumalubong sa akin ang seryoso at pagod na mga mata ni Rhaegar na nakatitig sa kawalan. When he noticed that I’m getting in there ay umayos siya sa kaniyang pagkakatayo.

His white long sleeves were now crumpled. It was tuck on his elbow while the three buttons of it were unbuttoned. His thick jet-black hair was disheveled. While his eyes that bore on me were weary, it was dark but the depleted never escaped my sight.

Hindi siya nag-iiwas ng tingin sa akin. Seryoso, mariin at alam mong nalilito siya sa mga bagay. I want to confront him now but how will I do that if this is the expression he was giving me.

I want to touch his face like I always do. I want to kiss him. I want to hug him. But it will happen if this is all settled. We both want to make this work for us.

“Sandali lang, malapit ng maluto ’tong niluluto ko. Do you want anything? Are you thirsty-”

“Rhaegar, let’s settle this now.”

He looked away and turn to the stove. Nakita kong patayin niya ang stove bago niya ako hinarap. Naglakad naman ako patungong countertop para don kami makapag-usap. I want us to talk about the distance between us together. Dahil alam kong hindi ’to maaayos kung magdidikit kaming dalawa.

Nasa loob siya ng countertop habang ako ay nasa labas nito. I sat on the stool while he remains to stand, glaring and watching me intently. Napasinghap ako bago siya tiningala at harapin.

“You know my sister Briana,” panimula ko.

“Yes,” namamaos niyang sinabi.

Bumaba ang tingin ko sa countertop dahil hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili kong lumambot sa tuwing magtatama ang aming mga mata. Nanghihina ako at tanging gusto ko nalang na gawin ay ang lapitan siya at yakapin ng mahigpit.

“So you are meeting her.” I probed.

I lifted my eyes on him. He looked very serious now.

“You even let her go here in your condo. Hindi mo man lang nabanggit sa akin na may bisita ka pala no’ng sabado.” I said bitterly humid. “You said that your father called you, is that a lie then?” I asked him in despair.

His jaw moved, eyes darken, and lips in a grim line. “Hindi ko alam na siya pala ang dahilan ng pagtawag sa akin ni Papa no’ng sabado. Kung alam ko lang ay hindi na rin ako tumuloy. And about her coming in here to my condo unit, it was my mom’s decision. I didn’t expect them to come here.”

“But where were you that morning? Where you really are? I thought you sleep in your parent’s house-” he cutted me off this time.

“She never sleeps here, Aiden. No other woman sleep in here except you. Ikaw lang ang babaeng dinala ko sa condo ko, wala ng iba. Baby, I swear, you’re the only one.” His voice subtle and his eyes glisten.

Then the image of him embracing another woman that night flashed in my mind. I’m the only one… I want to laugh without any humor on it because of what he said, but I’m not that person.

I didn’t withdraw my glares on him. I gritted my teeth. Now I’m started to get another pain again.

“About the engagement, Aiden… I will have to talk to my parents. I need your faith in me. I can’t do it if we are still stuck on this problem.” He leaned closer at the countertop. He snatched my hand resting in front of me.

His large hand caressed my hand while he glanced at me sincerely. His gray eyes darkened as they glint with unfamiliar sorrow.

“We need to fix this, that’s why we are having this conversation.” He muttered huskily then kissed the back of my hand.

I looked at it. Pakiramdam ko ay naninikip ang aking dibdib. Hindi pa rin kampante sa lahat ng kaniyang sinabi. It wasn’t just my instinct anymore, it was my feeling now.

“That night…on that event, I saw you…” My voice shivered as I remember that night.

Nakatulala lang ako sa kawalan at hindi siya nagawang pagmasdan sa takot na makita ko ang katotohanan don. Naramdaman ko ang pagluwag ng kapit niya sa aking kamay na kanina ay kaniyang hinalikan.

“You saw what?” He asked, stern and very stoic.

I swallowed hard when I felt the lump stuck in my throat. I can’t say it out loud because I’m terrified that he might be with her.

“You’re embracing someone…the place was dim but I know that it was you, Rhaegar.” Tinapangan ko ang loob kong harapin siya ng tingin.

His jaw clenched and his eyes cannot tell lies to me. His brows shot up and his lip dramatically half-opened. He twisted his lips before he looked away. Binitiwan niya ang kamay ko at napatingin ako ron.

Nangangamba at natatakot ko mang tanungin siyang muli ay sinubukan ko pa rin. It bugs me since last night at kailangan ko ng kasagutan.

“Rhaegar, did you just used me as your another woman or you c-cheat on me?” Bagsak ang balikat ko at may luha ng nagbabadyang bumuhos mula sa aking pagod na mga mata.

He looked at me, stunned. Like he did not expect my sudden question. He shut his mouth and gritted his jaw like it was his reverie at the moment.

I know that I made myself believe that it was Briana I saw kahit na madilim ang lugar at hindi ko maaninag ang gawi ng babae. But I know in my heart that it wasn’t her. Maybe I doubt that it was Briana because he’s with her before he left the crowd. And also Briana went gone like how he popped out from their spot. There I conclude that maybe it was her with him. That it was Briana who hugged him.

He licked his lower lip harshly then his eyes narrowed on me sharply.

“I never cheat, Ria.” His voice startled me.

He never called me Ria, he used to call me Aiden. My heart thumped together with my parted lips, left in awe. His eyes doubled its dark as he glared at me intently.

I felt my body quivered. His arrogant and unknown outraged that I’m seeing in his eyes was now giving me chills. I never saw him this serious.

“Can you even at least give me your trust, Ria? That’s the least thing you can do for me in our situation. I need you to trust me. I need you to believe in me because this won’t fucking work if you think ill of me always. Tell me…do you even want us to work? Kasi ako oo, Ria. But if you can’t damn freaking give me the faith I needed. Then this won’t fucking work anymore. It will mess us both. It will just break us two.” He ranted with his large deep voice that made me caught air to breathe.

My lips get trembled as my eyes stunned at his sudden rants. His eyes darkly darted on me. It was one of the scary glares he gave me the first day I met him in his office. The day that I get ruined the frame he immediately attended like it was very…important to him.

I will never forget how his glares made my knees tremble. How my stomach feels hollow and made my eyes filled in so much fear. It was this, at this moment his glare in me at this point was almost the same.

Matalim at mariin. Nakakatakot at tanging pangamba at paglayo nalang ang tangi mong maiisip na gawin.

“R-Rhaegar,” I said in so much disbelief.

I shook my head as I glance at him. He was glaring at me darkly like I did something wrong that could make him furious.

Naglikot ang mga mata niya at nag-iwas sa akin ng tingin. I know that there is something wrong.

“I-I trusted you, gusto ko lang malaman kung si Briana ba ang babaeng ’yon, Rhaegar.”

He didn’t look in my way. Nananatiling matalim ang mga matang nakatingin sa kawalan. His jaw was clenching and his brow furrowed.

“Rhaegar, tell me if it was Briana-”

“It was her,” he cutted me off.

Marahan niya akong hinarap at nakita ko kung paanong unti unting mawala ang alab sa kaniyang mga mata. His eyes turn into a soft and weary one now. He looked regretful and in pain at the same time.

Rhaegar…

“She embraced me and I just tried to comfort her back. I’m sorry, Aiden.” He then let a heavy sigh before I noticed that his eyes were now dripped in bloodshot.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you. I’m sorry that it seems like my promises were not easy to do. I’m sorry if I continue hurting you this way. I’m sorry, baby…” His voice cracked.

Napailing iling naman ako. Kitang kita ko ang pagod at pagkabigo sa kaniyang mga mata. He looked like he’s a kid lost in the forest and hardly find his way back home. He looked frustrated and lost by this situation.

Mabilis akong tumayo at umikot patungo sa kaniyang gawi. His parted lips and anxious eyes drifted on me as he scooped my face when I got neared him. I feel his hot breath and warm hand holding my face.

“I’m sorry baby. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry-” he repeatedly muttered under his breath.

“Rhaegar, I understand you. I only want to know everything, okay? Ayaw ko lang na nangangapa ako sa mga nangyayari. Kasi nahihirapan na rin ako. Para akong nangangapa sa dilim. Everything was dark and vague. Lalo na ngayon sa mga nangyayari sa atin. I wanted to know if you just only used me.” I said in so much frustration with my tears flowing as he leans his forehead on mine.

My eyes were shut but I felt his hand caressing me softly. Nakahawak ako sa mga kamay niyang sumasakop sa aking mukha.

“Please don’t leave me, Aiden. Whatever happens please stay by my side. Promise me that you will never leave me. I love you, Aiden, so much.” He said in a deep husky voice.

My eyes automatically opened as I glance at him glaring at me intently. Then his eyes went down to my parted lips.

He said that…

My heart began to fasten it beats loudly each time our stares went on longer. Until his eyes filled with passionate desire that leads us to make something very sensual.

He gently captured my lips as I let him knock me down on his bed inside his dark room where only the city lights and the moon giving us the glint of each other’s flaming corpses. It was a gentle and very hot passionate night with him.

“I love you, Aiden. Please don’t ever let me slip away from your hold. Never loose the grip, baby.”

Kabanata 25

Kabanata 25

Owned

Nang magising ako kinabukasan ay katabi ko pa rin si Rhaegar sa kama. Namamangha ko siyang pinagmasdan habang nakapikit pa ang kaniyang mga mata. My head was resting on his shoulder as he scooped my shoulders with his large hand and let my face rest on his chest.

I press his pointed nose and remove my finger immediately. His thick eyebrows moved a bit at that. The black dense long lashes caught my sight. Gumalaw ang kaniyang ulo at bumaling sa aking gawi.

Matamis akong napangiti nang masilayan kong mabuti ang kaniyang mukha. His jaw defined articulately when the sun rays outside this condo unit behind the glass wall hit our way. His thin lips that in a grim line even he’s asleep was looked luscious as ever.

Marahan kong hinaplos ang kaniyang panga at hinawakan ang kaniyang pisngi. I still can’t believe that this man beside me, loves me.

He’s usually cold and stern but he remains silent even when we are in a relationship. He never opens up on me but I respect that because I don’t think he has something to tell me. He’s just being who he really was when I’m with him. He wasn’t that transparent but somehow, I sometimes notice what his reaction means.

Tinago man niya sa akin ang tungkol sa planong engagement nila ni Briana ay napagtanto kong dahil gusto niya lang akong protektahan. He doesn’t want me to be involved which I should be, cuz I’m his girlfriend. But then I understand him, he is just scared that I will react that way. Na iiwanan ko siya at maghihiwalay na kami. That was my only thought the moment I heard about them.

I moved and lift my body a bit to plant on his lips my soft kiss. Naramdaman kong hapitin niya ang aking baywang nang hihiwalay na sana ako sa kaniya para tumayo.

“Hmm, morning kisses are so good.” He groaned. His shut eyes slowly opened as his gray deep eyes bore on me now.

“Good morning,” I whispered to him.

Nakapaibabaw na ako sa kaniya ngayon dahil sa pagpigil niya sa akin kanina. Akala ko ay tulog pa siya at ’yon naman pala ay gising na siya.

“Morning baby,” he said in a very husky voice.

My gazes traced him like I’m still in my dream now. Amazed and completely in awe. I run my fingers through his disheveled jet-black thick hair. He shut his eyes when I did that like it was making him feel better.

“Let’s stay here in my bed for an hour, baby,” he muttered hoarsely while his eyes were still on shut.

“We have to go to work today, Rhaegar. Mahuhuli tayo niyan sa trabaho. At saka isang oras? That’s too long,” I said in a soft voice.

He groaned before he opened his eyes. “I’m your boss anyway,”

I pursed my lips at that. Oo nga pala, he’s the boss, my boss so he can be late if he wanted to.

“You’re right. Are you still sleepy? Matulog ka muna dito. Magluluto lang ako ng agahan natin.”

His eyes glared at me then. Hinila niya ako nang mas malapit pa sa kaniya. Ang dalawang mga mata ko ay halos maduling na sa lapit ng aming mga mukha.

My hands rest on his bare chiseled chest while his hands were on my waist, pulling me towards him. And when his deep glares drifted on my parted lips I swallowed hard.

“You wake me up baby by your kiss-”

“It was just a peck kiss, Rhaegar.” Pagtatama ko sa kaniya nang iba ang isipin niya.

I saw his jaw moved. “Still, it’s a kiss to me and I want more than that now. You wake me up. You make him up, Aiden.” He growled hoarsely while his deep gray eyes hypnotizing me right now.

Napakagat labi ako ng makuha ang ibig niyang sabihin. I gulped hard when I felt him, hard on like an iron, like he was ready for another round of the battle, to begin with.

“Rhaegar, you just have me countless times last night-” he hushed me off by his sudden kiss. He sealed my mouth with his.

I can’t resist it that I kissed him back as well. Ang kaninang pirming pakiramdam ko ay nag-uumpisa ng mag-init ngayon. His hot breath teasing my neck and jaw as he kissed me down my lips. I then completely parted my legs above him as I embrace his hot kisses.

I brushed my body up on him to felt his iron-clad that throbbing against my folds. He’s only wearing his boxer while I’m only wearing my undies lingerie and his loose plain white shirt on me.

He removed my t-shirt and throw it abruptly on the bed while I’m still on top of him like I was riding on a horse. My hardened peaks exposed as he watched every bit of me with desire. In no time he captured my mouth again.

But what makes me hotter is when he put me down in bed and dominated me. His eyes darken and he breathes heavily.

“You don’t have to cook. Let’s have our breakfast here,” he muttered deeply husky.

Nagbaba ang mga mata niyang namumungay sa aking dibdib bago ako nito sinunggaban ng mainit niyang bibig. Ang dalubhasa niyang mga kamay ay mapaglarong pumisil sa aking didib habang ang isa ay naramdaman kong mabilis na nakapasok ng aking kaselanan.

He was busy kissing, sucking, and nibbling my breast while his hand gets inside my undies. He then stopped and looked at me in the eyes before he abruptly pulled my waist and undress my sensitive clit. He held my both thighs, eyes narrowed on me before he completely sprang free of his manhood from its cage.

I immediately held his shaft as I watched him do that. I maneuvered it for a stroke and I saw how he arched his neck and shut his eyes while groaning.

I moved my hands and gripped his manhood tightly. At nang bumilis ang kaniyang paghinga dahil sa aking ginagawa ay agad na hinuli niya ang aking palapulsuhan. He looked at me with his hooded eyes.

“Damn, I’m gonna cum that fast baby. Not until I  make you satisfied. Let make this morning memorable.”

Then in an instant, he enters himself inside me without any word. The long loud moan escapes my mouth when I felt his huge shaft hit my g spot.

“Rhaegar, uhh!”

I can’t stop myself from letting my growls blast because of the so much pleasure he was giving me. His dark brooding eyes darted on me as he hammered inside me, rough and stronger in every pace he was doing.

He then kissed me but I can’t concentrate on kissing him back when his fasten move inside me doubling this time.

“I love you, Aiden,” he whispered in my ears before he stopped kissing my lips then drifted on my jaw up to my earlobes.

My heart swelled from what he just said. But when I suddenly felt the familiar building sensation inside me, I firmly held the bedsheet, making it crumpled in so much bewildered.

“I’m coming Rhaegar,” habol ang hininga kong sinabi sa kaniya.

Mas binilisan pa niya ang kaniyang pag-ulos sa aking kaselanan. And when I’m on its verge of bursting out I felt his huge shaft burried deeply inside my sensitive clit. Making me whimper loudly and giving me chills that I felt myself convulsed instantly.

“Fuck,” Rhaegar groaned as he burried himself deep and fully inside my sensitive slit.

I felt his hot fluid filled me together with my sudden spurt out. It was insane. It was hot and very overwhelming. I even felt it dripping out of me.

“Still thinking about breakfast? This much more better than that, Aiden. Let’s do it frequently.” Rhaegar muttered after that bliss.

I was a bit panting when I glance at him on top of me. Then I smiled at him weakly with what thoughts he was having right now with me.

“Let me clean you first. Ako na ang magluluto ng breakfast natin.” He said in a large deep voice before he stood up.

“Akala ko hindi na magbe-breakfast?” I then asked him.

Nakita kong matigilan siya saglit at magdilim pa ng bahagya ang kaniyang mga matang sa akin nakatutok.

“If you prefer this breakfast like I am, we can make it again so we can surely get the nutrients we wanted for a meal.” He said like he’s teasing me to do it again with him.

Napasinghap pa ako at napakagat labi kalaunan nang makitang mabilis na nabubuhay muli ang kaniyang pagkalalaki. He narrowed his eyes at me darkly when he caught me glaring at that.

I bit my lips and looked away later on when I felt my cheeks flushed.

“M-Magluto ka na pala ng b-breakfast,” I muttered stutteringly because I know that I can fall into his trap if I won’t leave his menacing glares on me right away.

Ilang segundo pa niya akong pinagmasdan bago niya sinakop ang ang aking mga hita at likuran. He brings me to the bathroom and lets me take my own bath. He was out of his room at nagtungo ng kitchen. Hindi mawaglit sa aking isipan ang magandang gabing pinagsaluhan namin. And now we shared in the morning. I can’t hide the smile that ghosting on my lips that ends up I plastered it.

We shared the night so many times but this was different. His kissed and passionate thrust. His glares that glinting in so much adoration. Lips that always capturing my mouth and captive until I bellowed on breathing. I feel how it’s pure and filled with integrity.

Lumabas ako ng kwarto niya at bumaba ng hagdan. His condo was so huge and extravagant. I would even think that this was a penthouse and not just a condominium. I lead to the kitchen downstairs.

He only lives here alone. Napakurap ako nang maalalang gusto niyang dito na lang ako mag-stay kasama siya dahil madalas ako rito noong mga nakaraan, dahil ngayon na lang muli akong nakabalik dito dahil sa mga problema naming dalawa. I’m still thinking of moving out here but when he remembered to bring it up and asked me again, I’ll decide.

Like the usual breakfast here on his condo unit, sa countertop na kami kumakain. I sat on the stool and glance in his way. He’s topless at kahit magpahanggang ngayon ay pakiramdam ko ay pinamumulahan ako ng pisngi sa tuwing makikita siyang nakahubad pang-itaas.

He glared at me when he noticed my presence. I smiled at him, a bit shy about what happened earlier.

We ate breakfast together and he doesn’t seem awkward unlike me. We haven’t talked about the near engagement he will be having with Briana and I didn’t bring that topic to him.

I can’t just ruin the moment of us two. At kung ’yon ang po-problemahin ko ay hindi ko masusulit ang mga oras namin na magkasama. Naniniwala ako sa kaniya, sinabi niyang hindi niya iyon tatanggapin at ’yon ang paniniwalaan ko.

Nakasakay na kami ng elevator ngayon patungong opisina niya nang mag-ring ang phone ko. Napatingin sa akin si Rhaegar nang kuhanin ko iyon mula sa aking bag.

When I saw that it’s just the attendant in the lobby I immediately answered it.

Sumulyap pa ako kay Rhaegar nang may magsalita na sa kabilang linya.

“Good morning, Ms. Secretary Reyes,”

“Yes? Good morning,” I replied to the other line.

The elevator opens at binalingan ako ni Rhaegar.

“Ms. Secretary Reyes, nandito po ngayon si Ms. De Laughrey at papunta na raw po siya ngayon ng opisina ni Mr. Sullivan.”

Napahinto ako sa paglalakad nang makalabas kami ni Rhaegar ng elevator. He glanced at me and arched his brow like he’s consulting if there is a problem. Nag-iwas ako sa kaniya ng tingin.

“Sigi, thank you for calling,” I said then hung up the call.

Dahil wala naman na akong ibang kilalang Ms. De Laughrey ay alam ko na agad kung sino iyon.

Nananatili kaming nakahinto ni Rhaegar dito sa tapat ng elevator. Hinarap niya ako at inalis ang kamay niyang nakahapit sa aking baywang.

“Is there any problem?” He asked me a bit worried.

“Si Briana, papuntang opisina mo ngayon,” I languidly said to him.

He didn’t blink. He just looked at me seriously. I noticed that his eyes surveyed me before he finally spoke.

“Tell her not to come,” he muttered flatly like it was the solution.

I twitched my lips. “What if she’s here because of your mom? You…haven’t told her about us-” he cutted me off.

“I already tell them just this morning, Aiden. I don’t want them to meddle your life just because of this stupid arrangement. I think of it first dahil ayaw kong madamay ka pa dito.” He said in a serious tone.

Napasinghap ako ron. Does he tell his parents about us? I can’t believe that this is how really serious he was. It feels surreal that he finally said that he loved me last night and now we are really taking it seriously. I’m happy that he was there for me but I’m still worried about his mom’s reaction when Rhaegar told him about us.

“If you are not comfortable with her, you can shoo her away out of my building. I can call my bodyguards up here to get her out of our sight.” He then said nang makapasok kami ng opisina niya.

I sat on my swivel chair at tinanaw siya mula sa kaniyang lamesa. He was now glaring at me indulgently.

I shook my head. “Hindi na, you should talk to her.”

He raised his one brow like he was asking me in surprise. “You sure?” He then asked me with worry in his eyes.

I slowly nodded my head at him. “Yeah,” I breathily muttered.

“You stay here inside my office. I want you here around when she comes here.”

Tumango lang ako sa kaniya bilang pagtugon. Briana must be here because of Rhaegar’s mom or she is just here for another reason. Whatever might be is, I will stay here inside.

Ilang sandali pa ay bumukas ang pintuan at iniluwal nito si Briana na may seryosong mga tingin. At nang magtama ang aming mga mata ay tinaasan lang ako nito ng kilay at saka dumiretso sa gawi ni Rhaegar.

She has now the glamorous smile plastered on her lips when she headed in Rhaegar’s way. Nakasunod lang ang tingin ko sa kaniyang direretso ang lakad patungo sa lamesa nito.

Rhaegar glances in my way before he gazes at the woman in front of him.

“Hey, have you eat breakfast?” She then asked him like it was their normal conversation.

Rhaegar didn’t respond and just put his stares back on his laptop, doing his job. Nakita ko pa kung paanong mabilis na magsalubong ang dalawang kilay nito nang hindi siya pansinin ni Rhaegar.

“I haven’t eaten breakfast yet. I thought we can eat together.” Usal pa niya kahit pa mukhang hindi siya naririnig ni Rhaegar dahil abala na ito sa ginagawa.

Mas lalong nagsalubong ang mga kilay niya at mabilis na isinara ang laptop na ginagamit ni Rhaegar.

Napasinghap ako ron. Bakas ang inis sa mukha ni Briana na nakatingin sa kaniya. At nang mag-angat naman si Rhaegar ng tingin sa kaniya ay halos mabura ang inis na nakaguhit sa mukha niya dahil sa sobrang talim nang mga mata ni Rhaegar na nakatuon sa kaniya ngayon.

I shifted on my seat as I watched them.

“R-Rhaegar, kumain na muna tayo ng breakfast-” Rhaegar cutted her off with his sharp glares and words.

“Kumain ka mag-isa mo at huwag mo akong istorbohin. I will call my guards so they can assist you out of my office if you wanted.” Malamig na sambit ni Rhaegar rito.

Napakurap kurap naman si Briana na nag-iwas ng tingin sa kaniya.

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

“You are disturbing us in any angles anyway.” He remarked before he narrowed his eyes on her darkly before he opened his laptop to back on work again.

Nakita kong mangunot ang kilay ni Briana at magtimpi ang kaniyang mga labi. Nang mag-iwas siya ng tingin kay Rhaegar ay dumapo sa aking gawi ang kaniyang mga tingin. I just gaze at her like she has nothing to do here anymore.

Kitang kita sa reaksyon niya kung paano siyang magtimpi sa sarili habang mariing nakatingin sa akin. Then, later on, hindi na niya napigilan pa ang sarili niyang mag-salita.

“Rhaegar, what happened with you? We are getting engaged soon then you suddenly turn cold to me this way.” She then barked.

Rhaegar paused on what he is doing.

“Is this because of this stupid secretary you have? How come you liked her? She’s trash that everybody will dispose. You’re-”

“Briana!” Rhaegars’ voice thundered that make us both jumped on our place.

It was a loud thud that filled the whole office by his thunderous response. Mabilis ang alon ng dibdib ni Briana na animong kinakapos sa paghinga.

“One more gibberish word about my girlfriend and you will never tend to come in any of my property. One way or in any other way around,” Rhaegar warned her in a very threatening way.

Bumagsak ang dalawang balikat ni Briana at hindi makapaniwala siyang tiningnan. Her eyes sting and I saw how it started to water.

“Rhaegar, I will be your future fiance. We shouldn’t treat each other this way. Your mom will be furious if she knows about it. Please I want us to be good together, not on this kind of some argument.” Briana spatted.

She even approached Rhaegar and held his hand but he immediately pushed her away.

I stood up from my seat when Briana almost fell on the floor if she just didn’t fid her balance. She looked terrified as she glances at Rhaegar’s narrowed eyes on her. I can see that she’s now having chills and trembling knees when Rhaegar stood up from his swivel chair and come nearer to her.

Mabilis kong dinaluhan si Briana nang makita ang takot nito sa mga mata. But when I get neared her ay tumalim ang tingin nito sa akin at mabilis akong itinulak palayo sa kaniya.

“It’s all because of you! You’re a slut bitch!” Briana exclaimed at me while I fell to the ground.

Naramdaman kong lapitan ako ni Rhaegar at inalalayan sa pagtayo. At nang akmang kakalmutin ako ni Briana ay mabilis na pumagitna si Rhaegar sa pagitan naming dalawa.

“Briana,” Another emphatic voice of Rhqegar that harshly stopped Briana from making another stand.

Hindi ko kita ang mga mata ni Rhaegar na nakabaling ngayon kay Briana dahil nasa likuran niya ako. But when Briana’s glared at him, she stopped and step back. Her eyes were now red, extremely annoyed at what happened.

Si Rhaegar naman ay nananatiling nakatayo sa aking harapan. Hinuli ni Briana ang mga tingin ko ng mariin niyang pagtitig na ipinukol sa akin.

“I will be his fiance no matter what happened, Ria. You can’t just take him away like what you are thinking.” She said to me, angrily.

Hinawakan ko ang braso ni Rhaegar dahilan para mapatingin siya ron. Rhaegar glance at me when I held his arms.

“He will never be yours, Briana. You take everything to me, and not in one time I hated you for once. I got hurt but I never hated you. When you seduce Tommen and make out with him, you get nothing harsh words from me. When you ruined me all the way, I never wanted an argument. But this, if this is gonna be about Rhaegar… I will never let myself remain ruined by you again. I will not let you take what is mine.” I said with conviction.

She looked torn to what I had said. She plastered a smirked on me, extremely annoyed.

“I never seduced Tommen, Ria. He approached me. He provokes me. Until we ended up making out without you knowing. Not just the only moment you have seen us. It’s just one of those many scenes we made all over the year of your relationship with him. Kaya huwag ako ang sisihin mo, it’s your boyfriend who flirts with me.” She fired back.

Umiling ako at malalim na napalunok. Naglakad ako paalis sa likuran ni Rhaegar at tinungo ang harapan niya. I felt Rhaegars’ eyes that watching me intently.

Hinarap ko si Briana. I looked at her with disgust in my eye. She looked a bit stunned that now I can face her.

“You are that stupid to have sex with him. He has the life and still, you let yourself fall into his trap.” I said.

She raised her brow. “I’m not the stupid here, Ria. If I will go back and checked that time and moment. Sino sa ating dalawa ang mukhang tanga na handang kimutan ang lahat ng nasaksihan niya para balikan lang siya?” She then asked me mockingly.

I gritted my teeth. I’d maybe that stupid to do that.

“See? Hindi ka makasagot dahil ikaw ang mas tanga sa ating dalawa! Why, Ria? Are you still hurt and bitter about what happened to us? Hindi ka pa rin ba maka move-on sa nangyari? Are you still in love with him?” She inquired naggingly like she was so sure that I’m still to him.

Naramdaman kong hapitin ni Rhaegar ang aking baywang.

Briana groaned at that. “Rhaegar, don’t get fooled! She is just using you because she knows that we will end up together and she can’t move on to his ex-boyfriend. Naghihiganti siya sa’kin dahil alam niyang ako ang dahilan Kung bakit sila naghiwalay and now this is her vengeance-”

“Tumigil ka na Briana! I never used Rhaegar for that sake of sick love. Hindi ako ganon kasamang tao para gumamit ng iba makavanti lang sa mga taong nanamit sa akin. I will never be that person you all pertaining me off.” I said, panting.

I get mad when I think of what is Rhaegar thinks of me right now. Briana talks a lot and I know that it sounds convincing even it wasn’t true.

“I don’t love Tommen, anymore. After what he did to me, he deserves it. So don’t you ever claim what I earned now just because you already realize what you lost on what I have. Rhaegar will stay on my side. He will never be engaged to you.” I said finishing the topic.

But she was so persistent not to lose on this one.

She stepped in, neared me. I didn’t move back. Her eyes narrowed and looked at me with disbelief.

“It’s not you who will decide, Ria. Remember that it is not good to lay up a claim to someone you never owned from the very beginning. Baka lunukin mo ang sinabi mo. Wake up, maybe you are just dreaming.” She said then laid a gaze on Rhaegar’s way before she left the office.

Kabanata 26

Kabanata

26

Loose

I get what she meant by that. Rhaegar parents will decide for him but he’s not young anymore. Rhaegar is an adult and can decide on his own. He has his own life now. He shouldn’t depend on them anymore.

Whatever might his family will say, I will accept and respect it. Rhaegar’s opinion and his decision are what matters most to me. It’s contingent on what is the disposition of others.

Kanina pa tahimik si Rhaegar simula nang umalis si Briana. Tahimik ko lang rin siyang pinagmamasdan sa kaniyang lamesa na seryosong nagtatrabaho.

He didn’t speak after what happened. I don’t think if it’s because of that or the reason that he is silent right now is on Brianas’ remarks.

I let him stayed silent until our lunchtime. Tahimik pa rin siya at hindi ako nagagawang balingan man lang ng tingin.

Gaya ng dati ay nagpadala lang muli kami dito sa opisina niya ng pagkain. Magkatabi kami at tipong pinong bawat galaw niya ay napapansin ko. I sighed when I felt that he didn’t have any plans to talk.

Gusto ko siyang tanungin kaso ay natatakot akong magalit siya at baka mas lumaki pa ito. We are fine earlier but after that happened he became like this.

“We have a meeting this afternoon,” I then said casually to see if he has something to say.

He didn’t glance on my way. “Yeah, I know.” He simply drawled on me.

I looked down and licked my lower lip.

“May problema ba?” I asked him nang hindi ko na matagalan ang pananahimik niya.

He gazes at me this time. His eyes were just flat and serious. No emotion was visible.

“Nothing,” he said in a deep large voice.

“You seem… quiet, I just thought there’s a problem.” I looked at him with worry.

His mouth parted and his eyes locked on my lips. I even saw how his jaw moved.

Nagbaba ang tingin niya sa aming mga pinggan. We are done eating kaya nagawa ko na rin siyang kausapin.

Nagugulat ko siyang pinagmasdan ng bigla siyang tumayo mula sa kaniyang kinauupuan. Nag-angat ang mga mata kong naguguluhan sa ginagawa niya.

Seryoso ang walang buhay niyang mga mata na nag-iwas sa akin ng tingin. Sinundan ko siya nang sulyap na naglakad patungo sa kaniyang office table. I stood up from my seat and stalked him there.

He was now standing there in front of his table. His back was facing me as he looked narrowly at the city. His broad shoulder moved up ones making me think that he was breathing heavily.

“Rhaegar, may problema na naman ba tayo?” I asked him dahil halos palaging ganito nalang ang nangyayari sa amin.

He will avoid me and won’t tell me what is wrong till we end up avoiding each other’s way. Instead of talking it out loud together and will fix it, but it’s not what usually happens to us. Unlike before that we always have a conversation at konting hindi pagkakaunawaan lang he will always compromise.

But now I’m getting frustrated with what is always happening to us. Para bang pareho naming pilit na hinuhulaan ang laman ng isipan ng bawat isa. Because no one starts to spoke up.

He remains stoic and facing me with his back. I moved to get neared on him.

“May nagawa ba akong mali? Rhaegar hindi pwedeng ganito tayo palagi. If you have something in your mind tell me. We should talk about it.”

Matunog akong napabuntong-hininga nang hindi siya muling magsalita. Ani mong hangin ako dito at wala siyang naririnig na kahit ano. Like what happened to Briana earlier.

I sighed and gritted my teeth. I was about to decide to go back to my table and just ignore him when he suddenly spoke.

“Do you still love that guy?” I feel the bitterness that dripped on his deep large voice.

I paused for seconds. Napakurap kurap ako at hindi inalis ang tingin sa kaniya. Hindi niya ako hinaharap at nananatili pa ring nakatalikod sa akin.

I didn’t speak.

“Mahal mo pa rin ba siya, Aiden?” Tanong pa nitong muli sa akin bago ako tuluyang hinarap.

His gray eyes were filled with darkness as he narrowed it to me with weak glares. His jaw clenched and brows worried in frustration. I can see that we both struggle with this. And what makes this feels good is that I can lit up his mood to something ecstatic by answering his question wholeheartedly.

Humakbang ako palapit sa kaniya. I lift my hand to reach his clenching jaw for a soft caress. He didn’t move and just let me do what I was about to do.

He’s dark eyes narrowed on me with pain. But when I finally held his face, his moving jaw stopped. His eyes softened. Mas lumapit pa ako sa kaniya at nagdikit ang aming mga katawan. Hindi niya hinapit ang aking baywang gaya ng madalas niyang ginagawa, bagkus ay nanatiling lang siya’ng nakatayo at malambot ang mga matang nakatitig sa akin.

It feels like I was some kind of kryptonite that makes him feel weak and soften.

“I don’t love him, Rhaegar. Not anymore and I regretted loving him.” I said breathily to him.

Naramdaman kong gumalaw ang kaniyang panga na hawak ng aking malamyos na palad. Nagsalubong ang dalawang itim na makapal niyang kilay, na para bang nagtatanong. Na para bang walang katotohanan ang sinasabi ko at hindi siya naniniwala.

“My heart has a new beloved,” I said in a very soft voice while I’m having my heartbeats loudly.

Nagbaba ang seryoso niyang mga mata na maamo na ngayong nakamasid sa aking dibdib.

I took his hand and placed it in the place where he could feel the strong beating of my heart. I relaxed myself as I glance at him lovingly.

I watched his eyes grew wider a bit for a moment as he felt the loud wild beating from my chest before his eyes bore on me back again. His thin lips before that on a grim line are now left in fraction.

Hinaplos ko ang kaniyang pisngi at ipinikit ang aking mga mata na nakatabon sa kaniyang nakaawang na bibig. Kalaunan ay tumingkayad ako para abutin ang kaniyang mukha pero bago ko pa ’yon magawa ay naramdaman ko na agad ang lingkis ng kaniyang mga braso sa aking baywang.

He pulled me more and immediately subducted my lips. His hot kisses bit my lips like he’s in craving for more. His hand gripped my waist then later on I felt him cupped my butt and lifted me in the air, putting me up of his large table.

My hands were busy dishevelling the back of his hair and tugging his nape and head for more. Naramdaman kong hawiin niya ang ilang gamit niya sa lamesa dahilan para mahulog iyon sa sahig at lumikha ng maingay na tunog.

I was about to stop him and seek at the things on the floor when his lips caught me in the hang. And when my mind started to be lost by his hot kisses, I never mind about the things on his table. Nagawa ko pang hawiin ang iba nang may maramdaman akong nasa aking likuran at inihulog iyon sa sahig.

“Damn, baby.” He then muttered in between our craving kisses.

Agresibo ang kaniyang mga labi na hindi pinapakawalan ang akin sa bawat segundong nagkakahiwalay ito. He crouched for more hot craving kisses for me.

Without thinking and bearing the flame that started to build up on me, I straddled my thighs on his waist. He was so close to me that I felt his hard-on iron tool brush against my skirt. I can feel his huge bulge that poking me so I brushed my body against him that makes him drew a groan.

He stopped kissing me and glance on my way with his hot desirable dark glares in his eyes. He was hooded, so I am as well. And without any ado after staring at each other’s insanity of kernels we back at craving for more hot and lascivious kisses.

Like we’re inebriated, his lost large hands immediately get the hem of my skirt that he was able to bring up promptly. Napatingin ako ron kaso ay mabilis niya muli akong sinakop ng nakakaliyo niyang mga halik. Our tongue fought on their own battlefield until I felt mine lose when he started sucking it.

Sa pagitan ng mainit naming halikan ay naramdaman kong hilahin niya ang aking undies that immediately hang up on my knees. I stop kissing him but he was so eager. He kissed and sucked my neck that made me careened my head to give him more access to it.

And when his kisses started to went down ay hindi ko na napigilan pang magsalita kahit na nahihirapan sa kakaibang intensidad na nararamdaman ng aking katawan.

“Rhaegar, baka may biglang pumasok,” I said having a hard time because of the feeling of electricity that started to ground me.

“I make sure it’s none, don’t worry. I have always locked it since you watched me that night.” He growled darkly.

My eyes widen a bit after he said that. He really saw me!

But my mind immediately threw up out from it when I felt his finger went inside my sensitive slit. My mouth parted in a small o for the sensation it was giving me.

Nakalapat sa akin ang mariing mga tingin ni Rhaegar nang umpisahan niyang iulos ang kaniyang daliri sa akin. He even entered another digit immediately that I can’t help but let my mouth in half-open.

His eyes were darkly watching me as he pleasures me with his fingers. Mahigpit na nakakapit ang isa kong kamay sa kanyang malapad na balikat habang ang isa kong kamay ay nakatukod sa kaniyang lamesa.

And when I felt that I’m near to release my juices he was making inside me. I gripped his shoulder more making my nails dig on it, and crumpled his black long sleeves.

“Rhaegar,” my voice belittle and almost smoking when he stopped and went on a crouched.

Habol ko ang hinga at ang kaninang braso kong nakapirmi sa kaniyang balikat ay mabilis na dumapo sa kanyang ulo na ngayon ay nakasubsob na sa pagitan ng aking mga hita.

He continued moving his fingers inside me while he started flickering my sensitive clit with his sharp tongue and hot breath. It sent shivers and crazily electrifying intensity that my body couldn’t contain anymore.

“Uhh, Rhaegar,” I moaned, biting my lips as I controlled myself from getting hampered.

He glanced at me while licking and sucking me down there. I arched my back when I can feel it already.

He rocked his finger even his like sword tongue that runs through inside me, cutted me like I was getting in most pleasurable thing. My eyes lost their black when I reached my terminal. I tweak Rhaegar’s hair and pulled him more when I felt him eat me, savor every bit of the releases I come.

I felt weak. Nanghina ang braso kong nakatukod sa kaniyang lamesa pagkatapos niyon. But when he stood proudly in front of me and I watched him unbuckle his belt roughly ay mabilis akong napaigtad at nag-arko ang aking balakang ng walang ano-ano ay ipinasok niya ang mahaba at malaki niyang pagkalalaki sa aking kaselanan.

He groaned when he completely filled me with his huge manhood. His eyes darken on me. My mouth went on a big O as I felt him started moving himself inside me. He was rough and intense as he always be.

My upper clothes were unnoticedly freed my hardened peaks that he started on feasting on with his hot mouth and hand, while he’s thrusting me roughly. It feels like I’m on the momentum of unknown bliss. It was so good, he was so very good at it.

I arched my back more when his hot wet mouth went to my other boob while his other hand on my other one. It is vice versa that I can’t focus on where should I looked and concentrate. His pace doubled that I can almost feel that he is hitting me on my every right spot.

I was already panting and catching my breath together with the wailing of soft moans that my mouth can’t stop to hurl.

“Baby, I’m coming.” He said in a very deep husky voice while snatching his own air.

He grabbed my both thighs and hammered himself more, doubled the fast pace he was doing on me earlier. It was stronger and rougher this time that my mounds and hardened peaks jogs trot in so much intensity of thrusting.

“Uhh, Rhaegar, malapit na ’ko.”

“Come, baby. Cum with me,” he said darkly.

Then without any word, he deeply burried his huge massive manhood inside my very sensitive clit that made me quivered when he fiercely hit my spot. Together with the sudden thrust, he pulled it out and put it in again aggressively as he starts thrusting me rapidly that I never felt myself started to convulsed in so much tingling sensation he was giving.

The familiar building didn’t inform me that I was already on the verge. And in no specific time, I felt him filled me with his seeds. In a sequence that simultaneously, right after a second I explode out my releases.

His eyes directly narrowed on me as he slowly planted me a soft kiss. He remains penetrating his seeds inside me. He was now holding my back like he was hugging me while my both weak hands rest on his broad shoulders.

“I love you, Aiden.” He then whispered huskily in my ears.

Ilang sandali pa kaming nagtitigan at ipinahinga ang sarili. We both calmed and take back the normal breathing, unlike the hitched breath we have earlier after that rough and quick make love.

Humiwalay siya sa akin at sinakop ang aking mukha. He looked at me gently.

“Let me clean you first,” he said then pulled himself inside me.

I leap a bit when his huge friend left my cave which makes me feel hollow like a pit. He helped me put my brasier and top. He gets some wipes to clean me but I stopped him.

“Ako na,” I said to him when he was about to touch me down there.

He looked at me for a moment before he let me do it myself. He pulled up the small thin cloth that hangs on my knees and helps me wear it after I finished cleaning myself.

Inayos ko ang aking pencil skirt nang alayan ako ni Rhaegar pababa ng kaniyang lamesa. Marahan at malambot ang mga mata niyang nakatingin sa akin. I bit my lower lip and looked away when I noticed the things that scattered on the floor.

Mukhang napansin naman niya ang tinitingnan ko. At nang mapansin ko ang laptop niyang nasa dulo na ng lamesa at kaunti na lang ay mahuhulog na ay agad ko iyong kinuha at nakahinga ako ng maluwag dahil hindi iyon nahulog.

“I will call the maintenance-” He said that I immediately cutted off.

“Uhm, ako nalang ang magliligpit. Baka kung ano pang isipin dahil nahulog lahat ng ’to sa lamesa mo.” I said as I think of someone looking and will be cleaning all this mess ay nag-aalala na ako sa maaaring isipin nito.

He licked his lower lip then eyed the scattered things on the floor. “I will help you.”

Ganon nga ang ginawa namin. Pinulot namin ang lahat ng mga folders, papers, pens, and tape dispenser at ilan pang gamit niya na nasa lamesa kanina na nahulog.

Napatingin siya sa akin ng ayusin ko ang lagay ko niyon sa kaniyang lamesa.

“Aren’t you sore?” He then asked me worriedly.

I pursed my lips. “Nope,”

He blinked before he went on me, still in front of his table. He grabbed my waist and hugged me. I smiled when he burried my face on his chest. It wasn’t tight but I felt his hand caressed my hair.

Pakiramdam ko ay naglalambing siya o ano at ang tangi ko lang na nararamdaman ay saya pati ang kaginhawaan sa pakiramdam na yakap niya ako.

“What is this? Rhaegar!” I almost leap on that loud thud voice.

Natigilan ako at binalingan ang doorway kung saan nagmula ang boses na iyon. Bahagya ko pang naitulak si Rhaegar nang makita na iyon pala ay ang kaniyang ina. Mabilis akong nakaramdam ng kaba nang maglapat ang matalim na mga mata ni Madame Amanda sa akin.

Rhaegar was also looked stunned but he immediately recovers when he noticed his mom that is now walking towards our way.

“What is this about, Rhaegar? ’Yan ba ang sinasabi mo sa amin ng ama mo? How come you liked this kind of a woman?” She asked his son while staring at me humiliatingly.

I bit my lower lip. Nagbaba ako ng tingin nang hindi matagalan ang tingin ng kaniyang ina sa akin.

“Ma, she’s not what you are thinking-”

“Rhaegar, you will be engaged to Briana this coming Friday. She will be your fiance-”

“Mama!” Rhaegar’s voice thundered inside his office.

I shivered. My eyes glance at him who is watching his mom intently and darkly.

“We will be having a meeting right at this moment, Rhaegar. We will gonna talk about this whether you like it or not.” Her mom dictates in a dismissive tone.

Her eyes then narrowed on me that I felt how disgusted she was. Hinawakan ni Rhaegar ang aking siko bago ako binalingan ng tingin.

I looked back at him with worried eyes. His lips in a grim line while his eyes softened on me like there will be nothing to worry about

Matalim ang mga mata ng kaniyang ina na nakatitig sa akin. At kalauna’y lumabas at iniwan kaming dalawa sa loob ng kaniyang opisina. Rhaegar has a set meeting today after lunch and it’s almost time for that. Hindi ko inakalang ito pala ang pagmi-meeting-an ngayon.

I arranged his schedule for today and it’s the last meeting he will be having this noon. Seryoso at kinakabahan akong tinungo ang conference room kasama si Rhaegar. He was holding my hand as we went inside the conference room.

Mabilis akong nakaramdam ng panlalamig nang makita ko si Lolo na may malamig at mariing mga tingin sa akin nang mkapasok kami ni Rhaegar sa loob. Tita Vera and Briana were also there watching me like I am their prey. And when my eyes locked on Rhaegar’s mom, I gulped hard. Her eyes piercing through me like a dagger.

They are all sitting at a long huge table while watching us like a hawk walking in front of them while our hands intertwined. I even noticed his mom glares at our hands.

“Pa,” Rhaegar drawled while his eyes darted on his father who is just glaring at us, darkly and serious as well. He has the same aura as Rhaegar.

Hindi umimik si Mr. Sullivan at tanging tinapunan lang ako ng tipid na tingin. It wasn’t sharp but it is tremendous.

Nasa harapan nila kami at nananatiling nakatayo.

“Rhaegar, ano ito?” My grandpa asked him in surprise. His eyes were curious but his brows were furrowed.

“Mr. De Laughrey, I’m sorry but I can’t be engaged to Briana.” It was Rhaegar’s stern large voice.

Nakita kong matigilan ai Tita Vera sa sinabi nito. Ang mga mata naman ni Briana ay matalim na nakatingin sa akin ngayon.

“What? Hindi iyon pwede Rhaegar. We can’t just be called it off. You will be officially marrying my daughter Briana after the engagement.” Tita Vera said, haunted by Rhaegar’s sudden declare.

“Akala ko ba ay nagkakamabutihan na kayo ni Briana, Rhaegar? But what is this with you? We had talked about it already a long time ago and you agreed to it. Sullivan’s cannot just break their promises that way.” It was now his mom who spoke.

“I’m sorry but I didn’t. I won’t be engaged to your daughter, Mrs. De Laughrey.”

“Rhaegar, she’s just your secretary! She couldn’t be-” Briana got cutted off.

“She can be, Briana,” Rhaegar said to her menacingly.

“Ano bang meron sa kaniya, Rhaegar? She’s trash, I told you that already. Wala kang mapapala sa isang basurang pinagpasapasahan na. At anong alam mo na baka niloloko ka lang niyan? She can’t be your fiance.” Briana then said, horrified.

Napaiwas ako ng tingin ron dahil sa kaniyang sinabi.

“And you? You really think you can be my fiance. The way you speak, it’s rubbish.” Rhaegar darted on her.

Nang mag-angat ako ng tingin kay Briana ay nakita kong umawang bibig niya sa sinabi ni Rhaegar. Hindi makapaniwala.

“This thing was already settled. We can’t put it to an end. I don’t have any care if you have this so-called girlfriend Rhaegar. You will be engaged to Briana and you need to say goodbye to that cumbersome woman.” Her mom’s voice was always firmed.

Nakita kong taasan ako nito ng kilay at taliman ang mga matang dumadapo sa akin ngayon.

“Mama, she is my girlfriend-”

“I said I don’t care if she is your girlfriend, Rhaegar. Problema ba ’yon? Hiwalayan mo siya ngayon din mismo sa harapan naming lahat. This will be settled that way. She’s poor and I never need a rat for my family. She’s ain’t good to you, son.”

Naramdaman kong higpitan ni Rhaegar ang hawak sa aking kamay.

“I love her-”

“That’s won’t make it work, Rhaegar! That feeling would not make you successful. So break up with her now, huwag mong hintayin na ako pa ang gumawa non.” She said to his son threateningly.

I gasped. This won’t make us work. But my heart can’t just let him go. He promised me so I need to do my part. I will stay whatever might happened.

“Try to touch her at hindi ako magdadalawang isip na umalis ng kumpanya at ng pamilyang ito,” Rhaegar said which made us all stunned.

He was serious, his voice was firm and hinted with finality.

“Rhaegar,” It was now his dad who speaks deeply.

“I love this woman and I can’t just break up with her like you are all wanted me to do. This arrangement is making me so sick. I’m so sick of it Mama.”

“Rhaegar Kaywin! How could you say this to me?! I am your mom and that poor woman won’t do any good to you. She will just drag you down from where you are right now. You are on top and I won’t let you get fall just because of her. She’s unworthy of that spot. She doesn’t deserve an excellent man like you.” She declared with conviction and glaring eyes on me now.

Hindi nagsalita si Rhaegar. Bumaling ang ina niya sa akin. She stood up from her seat and glared at me gravely.

Mabilis ang pintig ng puso ko at takot na sa nangyayari. They were all throwing the same statement and prejudices of me. It was all the same that hit me with the same intensity of pain.

“Do you like my son?” It was her mom who asked me darkly.

I parted my lips, shocked, and still cannot recover from their words. But I manage to find the right words when Rhaegar’s eyes dawned on me. It was weak but softened when it bores on me. Naramdaman kong higpitan niya ang kapit sa aking kamay.

“I love your son, Ma’am,”

Nakita ko kung paanong bumakas sa mga mata niya ang sobrang pagkamuhi sa akin.

“If you love my son, you will set him free. If you really loved him, let him be with Briana. She’s well off than you because she is incomparable to you. What can you offer to my son? You will just cause him a breakdown. You have no good for him. Nakikita mo ba kung nasaan na siya ngayon? He’s on top of bringing our empire to where it should be. At kung ikaw lang ang magiging dahilan para suwayin niya kami, wala kang magandang idudulot sa kaniya. Let him, if you really loved my son. You will set him to get what it’s placed for him. And go back to where you are sighted before,”

My lips parted, trembled as I gasped for air to breathe. Nananatili akong nakatingin sa kaniyang ina na seryoso at mariin ang mga matang nakatunghay sa akin.

Naguguluhan ako at hindi alam kung ano ang dapat na gawin. I said that whatever happens, I won’t let him lose from me. But then my mind rambled from what his mom is saying. I get pressure to realize what this all is about. Even my grandpa’s glares made me feel anxious. It feels like I get cornered inside the box. I feel so small that I can’t find my solace to escape from them.

She is right. I have nothing to give to his son. I will just cause him a breakdown. He is no good for me dahil siya lang ang malulugi sa huli kapag ako ang pinili niya at hindi si Briana. I have no wealth, I have nothing that will bring him up on top.

“Think of it, woman. You are not meant for him. You are not meant for each other.” Her mom’s words making me lost of the truth.

Her words marked on me like she was saying what is only good for his son. I may never have a mom all my life but if ever I was, that’s what she’ll do for me. I understand why she is doing this. She only wants what is best for his son. She wants Rhaegar to be with a woman he can be compatible with. And she guesses that that woman is not me. That that woman will never be me.

I lose the hold of his hand. I looked at him in weary eyes. His eyes narrowed on me, confused.

“Aiden,” he said breathily when I loosed the grip from his tight hold.

“He’s not for you. He will be engaged to Briana and that’s what meant. To be not with you, woman.”

I slipped my hands from him, removing them from our tight intertwined hands.

I saw how his eyes widen a fraction. His lips parted and his thick brows met in disbelief.

“I’m sorry, we can’t be together-” I then weakly pronounced.

“Don’t listen to them, Aiden. I love you, we loved each other and that’s more than enough for me. I don’t need anything just only your love. I just only need you, baby, please…” He said huskily and eyes in dark.

He took my hand and gripped it like it was his only resort for not letting me escape from this.

My eyes grew hotter and watered later on.

I frowned at him, shook my head, and glance at him like this all should be a stop for us.

He licked his lips and looked away, not letting go of my hand. Then he faces them, with deadly glares.

“She is a De Laughrey, Mama. Pa, she’s also the granddaughter of Mr. De Laughrey. She can be engaged to me instead of Briana. I loved her and I think that would work that way.” He said in a way that this can be executed in that manner. His voice was stern and humid but the pleading was heard.

Mapait akong napalunok at umiling iling sa kaniya. Ramdam ko ang talim ng mga tingin ni Lolo sa akin. I gasped when I can’t take my tears shed.

“Aiden, tell them that you are a De Laughrey.” Rhaegar then said after he faced them but his face became weaker and his eyes bloodshot as he watched me took my hand from his hold once again.

I bit my lower lips harshly as I watched him with my hot tears flowed down on my cheeks. I step back, getting away from him.

“R-Rhaegar, I-I’m not a De Laughrey anymore.” My voice cracked as my breakdown started to drip on me.

His eyes widen like he didn’t believe me. His mouth shut and his lips form in a grim line. I saw how his jaw moved before he spoke.

“No baby, no, please, tell me you’re lying.” His dark eyes narrowed on me.

My shoulders are shaking in between my sobs. I can’t breathe. My heart is just so heavy that I can’t get the air to breathe.

I shook my head to him, weak and in despair. “I’m a Reyes now, Rhaegar. Hindi na ako isang De Laughrey.”

Kabanata 27

Kabanata 27

Leave

Mabigat na parang may napaka laking bato na nakadagan sa aking dibdib habang pinagmamasdan si Rhaegar kanina.

He was mad but he can’t just bust it out when I immediately went out of the conference room, leaving him. My tears were unstoppable as I get inside his office to get back my things. I hurriedly get my bag and phone bago pa man niya ako masundan dito sa opisina niya.

It wasn’t his decision, it was my decision now. I get hurt but he will be ruined when he chooses to be with me. Okay na na ako nalang mag-isa at hindi na mandamay pa ng iba. His mom was right, I have nothing to do good for him, I will just cause him a breakdown and nothing anymore else than it.

Mabuti nang ko nalang ang lumayo. This how true love work I guess. Kung kayo man talaga ang para sa isa’t isa, fate will bind you both even how thorn the obstacle you will face, with or without your partner. Because it’s not only about your journey together, it’s about the books of your different side and view. It might be on my own and not on his own.

Love is not just to find someone who will give it to you, find it to yourself first before giving it right away. It should be started to yourself.

And if I’m this wounded bago pa man niya ako nakita, I will just depend on my healing on him which I shouldn’t be. I will never obscure these bruises by those smiles and fluttery bliss of feelings he always giving me. It will just put aside and never get to really attended and be completely heal it.

I just let myself get more bruises on letting him be with me.

My grandpa and Rhaegar’s mom probably at their ease now that I’m leaving his son. They should be, the thorn is now getting away on their way.

Nakababa ako ng basement at mabilis ang naging paghakbang ng aking mga paa na sumasabay sa namamalisbis kong mga luha sa aking pisngi.

I walked towards my car na matagal na ring nakapark dito sa kumpanya dahil si Rhaegar ang naging kasabay ko sa tuwing pumapasok ng opisina. I immediately went inside and maneuver it quickly to get away from this place.

I wiped the tears that damp my face profusely. I believe I’m doing the right decision. Dahil kung hindi ko rin ito gagawin ay alam kong magiging ganito rin ang kahahantungan naming dalawa. Hindi man ngayon ay kundi sa mga susunod na araw. Kaya bakit ko pa papahirapan ang sarili naming dalawa. I should just let him be, dahil ’yon ang mas better na gawin sa sitwasyon ko.

Nakakahiya, nakakapanghina ng loob habang sinasabi iyon ng kaniyang ina sa akin. And what makes it more excruciating is that she’s saying it right. She’s stating those phrases like it’s some daggers that stabbing me and makes me feel in pain to wake up from what we are having.

I live my life alone and people treating me like my worth didn’t matter at all. I thought I was used to them treating me that way, but then it was just my mind.

I get numb that I haven’t noticed that it will affect me big time. My family wasn’t my family. How would you feel when you think about it? I see them as part of me but they never see me the way I am seeing them. My Lola, she’s very kind to me, my dad is that very protective to me. But they all did that to just gave me the affection I should actually have. Because other than them, my grandpa, sister, and not related Tita Vera, would even puke me for entering their lives.

They see me as a threat. They see me as a thorn that will just ruin the perfect picture of their family. Kaya buong buhay ko ay hindi ko naramdamang isa ako sa kanila.

And now that I get this mindset of being low and nothing to offer ay nagawa kong piliing iwanan ang taong mahal ko dahil ’yon ang alam kong tama sa mga oras na ito. I may never have the perfect family but I still respect and have cared for them. I value how it is very important to have them in your life that will guide you for what is best. And as on Rhaegar’s position, he has his family. He should trust and obeyed them because that is what they knew that would make him better. It’s not just only for the sake of their empire and company, it’s only for the best of him.

And thinking of what is best for me this time is being selfish. And I believe that I have never been that selfish all my life. I don’t think I can afford to be. I know the feeling of having nothing, so being that self-centered will never make me happy.

I drove without any destination ahead of my way. Hindi ako pwedeng magtungo ng condo unit ko dahil alam kong pupuntahan ako ni Rhaegar don.

And when I heard my phone rang, I reached it from my bag on the front passenger seat as my eyes geared on the road. When I finally handed my phone, I have checked to it if who it was.

Nag-aalangan man ay nagawa ko pa ring sagutin ang tawag sa akin ni Lolo. I put it on a loudspeaker so I can rest my hand on the steering wheel habang nagmamaneho ako.

“Where were you?” His deep large voice uttered from the other line.

I gritted my teeth before I answered.

“Getting lost, Mr. De Laughrey. Getting away from all of you.”

I shut my mouth and gulped after I hinted those bitterly words. I stop crying and I’m now calming myself. At kung tumawag si Lolo para batuhin pa ako ng mas masasakit na salita ay hindi ko nalang alam kung saan ako hahantong ngayon.

“Go to the mansion now.” He demanded that make my brows met. Hindi siya maintindihan.

“What for, Mr. De Laughrey? Matagal na akong hindi welcome sa mansion-”

“If you really want to run away and get lost in our sight, just follow what I said.” His voice darted.

I gritted my teeth. He hangs up the call and I let a heavy sigh as I turned my car towards the mansion. Ang tanga ko para isiping tumawag siya dahil nag-aalala siya para sa akin. Nakalimutan kong kahit na kailan ay hindi niya ako tinuring na parang isa sa mga apo niya.

Masakit sa parteng isipin na umaasa pa rin ako na balang araw ay kikilalanin niya rin ako bilang isang tunay niyang apo at hindi isang pagkakamali na nagawa ng kaniyang anak. It was one of my dreams that I always looking forward but I still find it vague and extremely far from making it happen in real.

Hininto ko ang aking sasakyan nang pagbuksan ako ng malaking gate para papasukin. Pinaandar ko ang sasakyan ko papasok ng mansion at ipinark ito ng maayos sa labas.

I stayed inside my car for a moment. Matagal na rin nang huli akong pumunta rito para balikan ang ilan sa mga natira kong gamit para ilipat sa aking condo unit. I went out of my car later on and when my eyes caught the huge mansion in front of me is already making me remember everything. The painful and some good memories I have since I was a kid.

At nang makita ko ang ilang kasambahay na nakapila na pala ngayon sa entrada ng malaking pintuan ng mansion at ang mga bodyguards ni Lolo na nakalinya na rin sa paligid, animong hinihintay ang pagpasok ko. Naglakad ako paakyat ng hagdan papuntang bulwagan.

I saw some of the familiar housemaids when I was here before, watching me with a sad smile on their faces. I can see in their eyes that they are happy to see me come back here again. I tried to give them a weak smile that makes their eyes glint more in glee.

At nang tuluyan akong makapasok ng mansion ay sumalubong agad sa akin sina Briana at Tita Vera na mukhang inaabangan ang pagdating ko. Briana was glaring at me proudly. While Tita Vera eyed me like I’m some dirt entered inside their mansion.

Pinagmasdan ko silang maglakad patalikod sa akin at natanaw kong papunta sila sa mga couch kung nasaan ang ilan pang mga bodyguards na nakatayo dahil nandoon pala si Lolo na nakaupo. Sumunod ako don at diretso lang ang mga mata kong nakatingin sa seryosong ekspresyon ni Lolo na tumutunghay sa akin.

He was sitting on the black huge solo sofa. Tumayo ako sa harapan nila at pinagmasdan silang tatlo. Briana was now on the left side of my grandpa’s seat while on the other was Tita Vera.

Lolo shifted on his chair as he glared at me.

“Saan mo balak na pumunta?” He then asked na hindi ko inasahang magiging tanong niya sa akin.

Nangunot ang noo ko at nananatiling nakatimpi ang aking bibig. I gasped before I answered.

“Hindi ko alam,” I answered truthfully dahil wala naman talaga akong alam kung saang lugar ako pupunta ngayon.

His brows arched as he blinked and eyed me back again. This time, it was now going to reveal me something.

“I had ready the helicopter for you para ihatid ka patungong Bulacan.”

Mas lalong rumiin ang tingin ko sa kaniya. Why is he doing this to me?

“If you really want to let Briana and Rhaegar, it will be a better last farewell earlier. Papa’s helicopter was already waiting for you at the helipad of our company building. Magpakalayo layo ka na.” Tita Vera then said to me, answering my question that is now starting to build up in my mind.

They really want me gone and with their help, they will completely get rid of me, finally. I looked at my grandpa who is just seriously watching me.

“Ganito niyo ba talaga ako kagustong mawala sa landas niyo, Lolo?” I asked him bitterly, my heart started to heave as if I already knew the answer but I just only want to hurt myself.

I took a step towards them.

“Lo, kahit kailan ba naisip niyong may nararamdaman din ako? That I’m also a human, getting hurt and not some rough stone who never felt anything.” I said as I getting near them.

I saw how Briana’s eyes narrowed on me, Tita Vera is watching me intently as she started glancing at the bodyguards, na para bang may gagawin akong masama ano mang oras kaya inihahanda na nila ito laban sa akin.

Kumirot ang sumisikdo kong puso na makitang pamilya ko mismo ay inaayawan ako. Pinagtatabuyan ako at gusto ng mawala ako sa landas nila.

“Lolo, nasasaktan din ako. Pagod na pagod na akong maglakad sa daang walang gumagabay sa akin. Pagod na akong tahakin yung daan na palagi niyong pinapatahak sa akin. Gusto ko lang naman ng pagmamahal at aruga niyo bilang Lolo ko. But why couldn’t you give that to me?!” My voice echoed and my shoulders shuddered because of the heavy sobs I was starting to have.

Pinigilan ko ang pagdaloy ng mainit kong mga luha na nagpapalabo sa aking paningin, pero hindi iyon sapat para hindi kumawala ng mahihinang impit ng aking mga hikbi sa bigat ng nararamdaman ko ngayon.

My grandpa’s eyes were just seriously watching me with his emotionless expression as I breakdown in front of him. He is just so stoic and cold-blooded to see me here saying my resentment without him expressing any emotion.

I feel like I’m talking with some statues. Blank and plainly glaring at me like I don’t really exist in front of him.

“Grandma treated me as her own, dad as well too. Just because I’m a daughter of a slut you came to be this crude to me. Lolo, anak pa rin ako ng anak niyo-”

“We’re not sure about that! You are not the daughter of my son. Malay namin kung ibang lalaki pala ang nakabuntis sa ina mo at inako ka lang ng anak ko dahil gusto niyang panagutan ka-” I cutted him as well.

“Then let’s make a DNA test-”

“That won’t happen-”

“But why, Lolo? Are you scared to find out that I’m dad’s real daughter, at hindi anak ng ina ko sa ibang lalaki dahil si Dad talaga ang ama ko!”

“How dare you raised your voice on me!” His voice thundered.

Halos lahat ay nagulantang sa biglaang pag sigaw ni Lolo na iyon pero hindi ako. He never gets to startled me anymore. Ilang beses na nga ba niya akong nasigawan at sinabihan ng masasakit na salita? Countless times that I get numb each time his words get into my nerves. It evens penetrate in me.

Nakita ko kung paanong umalpas ang dibdib ni Lolo sa sobrang galit sa akin. His eyes were darkly narrowed on me. His brows furrowed and lips parted, breathing pantingly.

Agad siyang dinaluhan ni Tita Vera at hinawakan ang likuran niya, nakatingin kay Lolo ng may pag-aalala sa mga mata. While Briana’s hand was on my grandpa’s shoulder as well with her worried glares but when she lifted her eyes on me, ay masamang mga tingin niya ang nakapukol sa akin.

“Ria tumigil ka na! You heard, Lolo. He will never accept you as her granddaughter, ano bang mahirap intindihin don? Ha? We’re just helping you to get rid of us-” I cutted Briana because she’s being too much. She’s just playing dumb and safe here dahil gusto niya lang talaga na mawala na ako.

“No, you all want to get rid of me! Kaya ba gusto niyo akong ipadala sa Bulacan para tuluyan na akong mawala-”

“Oo, Ria! Alam mo naman pala ang gusto naming mangyari. Bakit hindi mo pa magawa? We want you to completely leave the city and have your own life in the province. We want you gone dahil marami kang nagugulo at nasisirang mga plano. And we are sure that after what happened earlier ay baka hanapin ka ni Rhaegar. You already decided to just let him be, so let us help you to hide from him. To be finally gone like you have not really existed.” Briana said to me angrily.

Nanlambot naman ang mga tuhod ko. Nanginig ang mga kamay at napaawang ang bibig sa kaniyang mga sinabi. Hindi ako makapaniwalang tumingin sa kaniya at kay Lolo na matalim ang mga matang nakatutok sa akin.

My eyes grew hotter again. My lips trembled in half-open. The words in my mind popped out like a pricked bubble that suddenly disappeared. My breath short that I even need to gasp deeply to make myself calm but I think I do it wrong because it just makes it heavier, the burdened feeling in my eyes. It started to fall, unnoticedly.

“Go and have your life away from us. Nasa helipad na ang helicopter at naghihintay sa iyo. Leave your car here at ang mga bodyguards ko na ang bahalang maghatid sa’yo sa lugar na dapat mong pagtirhan. You don’t have to bring anything, yourself is what is only needed. Sana naman ay ito na ang maging huli nating pagkikita. I don’t want any interaction with you anymore. Live your life peacefully and never go back again near us.” Said Lolo, who is now looked calm but the stern and humidity never fade.

Nanlulumo akong yumuko at binagsak nalang ang mga mata ko sa sahig.

Naramdaman kong magsikilusan na ang mga tauhan ni Lolo sa aking harapan para alalayan ako palabas ng mansion. Binalingan ko pa muna si Lolo ng pagod at sugatan kong mga mata. He looked away and stood up from his seat. Inalalayan siya ni Tita Vera paalis ng living area.

I don’t think that I have any reason to stay here. I leave Rhaegar and now that my family wants me gone, wala na ring saysay kung mananatili pa ako rito.

It was exhausting to deal with this pain and burden that life is throwing at me at this moment. It was heave and all about taking my own life, living away far from any of them.

Bagsak ang dalawang balikat kong naglakad palabas ng mansion. Wala ng plano pang umapila dahil ito nalang din ang natitirang resort ko to grant everything they wanted me to be. At nang dumapo ang mga mata ko sa gawing hagdanan ng bahay ay nakita ko ro’ng nakatayo si Leigh. Basang basa ng luha ang magkabila niyang pisngi. I am so sure that she saw us. That she witnessed how our own family is treated me.

I swallowed hard when she slowly went downstairs and welcomed me with her very tight embrace. I halted from walking and hugged her back tightly. Hindi ko na napigilan pang mamalisbis ang aking mainit na mga luha sa aking mga pisngi nang ang mukha ni Leigh ay bumaon sa aking dibdib.

I heard her sobs that made me weaker. Her tight embrace making me more in pain and my heart in heave.

“Ate Ria, sa’n ka na naman po pupunta ngayon? I miss you, Ate. Please stay here, o kaya naman ay isama mo nalang ako sa iyo. Ate, I want you to know that I never treated you like anybody else. I want you to know that I treated you like my real sister and not just in half. I loved you and I’m sorry if Mom and Lolo say that to you. I-I’m really sorry-” I hushed her off when I can’t take her loud sobs anymore.

“Hushed, Leigh I love you too. Love ka rin ni Ate, okay? Makinig ka sa akin, it’s not your fault okay? You don’t need to say sorry to ate.” I said to her, stopping myself from sobbing.

My shoulder shuddered as I hugged her more tightly.

“Ate sasama nalang ako sa’yo sa Bulacan. Isama mo nalang ako,” ramdam ko ang mainit niyang mga luha na bumabasa sa aking damit.

Marahan akong kumawala sa mahigpit niyang pagkakayakap sa akin. Yumukod ako ng bahagya para ilebel ang aming mga paningin. Her soft brown eyes watered and now in red, as she continued crying while looking at me with eyes in plead.

I held his both shoulder then wiped her tears from her cheeks. I brushed her head and hair that glued on her cheeks because of the moist of her tears.

I let a sigh to calm myself from letting myself cried in front of her. “M-Makinig ka kay Ate, you need to stay here-”

“But I don’t want to be here,”

I bit my lips when my eyes began to grow in hot water again. Mabigat ang dibdib kong nakatingin sa kapatid kong malungkot ang mga matang nakatitig sa akin. Ramdam kong nag-aalala siya sa akin. But I want her to stay here for me.

“L-Leigh, makinig ka kay ate, please. I want you to stay here and have checked for Lolo every day, alright? I want you to have checked if he’s fine, if he already ate his food and already takes his medicines. I want you to stay here to take care of him. Can you do that for ate, Leigh? Hmm?” After I said that, I immediately bit my lower lips stopping myself from letting a wail. I caressed the back of her head then tried to give her a smile.

Ramdam ko ang panginginig sa mga labi ko nang pilit at nahihirapan na ako sa pagngiting nakatingin sa kaniya. Sobrang sakit na makita siyang nahihirapan rin. Hindi na niyang nagawa pang tagalan ang tingnan ako sa mukha bagkus ay bigla nalang niya muli akong niyapos ng mahigpit at mainit niyang mga yakap.

Doon ko na tuluyang hindi napigilan ang pag-awang ng mga labi ko. I let my heavy breath left my trembling lips.

“Yes, ate. I will do it for you. I will take care of Lolo while you’re away. Please take care of yourself too. I will miss you ate, miss na miss na kita.” She said in between her sobs.

“Aasahan ko ’yan, Leigh, alright? Be a good girl, as well! Galingan mo sa school!” I said in cheered like I lightened up the mood.

I even let out an excruciating chuckle. “I miss you too, Leigh,” I said almost in a whisper in so much pain.

“Leigh, tara na. Mommy will be mad at you if she sees you this way. Let her go, Ria. Umalis ka na.” Si Briana na nasa harapan ko na ngayon.

Humiwalay sa akin si Leigh at masamang tiningnan ang kaniyang ate. Hinawakan ko naman siya sa balikat para halikan ang kaniyang noo.

“Go upstairs na, pumasok ka na ng room mo,” I whispered to her.

Nag-aalangan pa muna niya akong pinagmasdan nang ilang sandali bago siya tuluyang tumango sa akin at naglakad patungong hagdanan. She even took a glance on my way before she completely went upstairs. 

Tinuyo ko ang aking mukha gamit ang aking mga palad bago hinarap si Briana. She raised her brows on me.

“Huwag ka ng babalik pa dito at manatili ka nalang sa lugar na iyon. Maybe that is where you really placed. Rhaegar and I will be engaged soon. I hope you’ll be happy for us. Sorry in advance if I wouldn’t invite you to our wedding. Because you are not very welcome… Bye, half-sister, I wish we never saw each other again.” She remarked before she turned her back on me.

Mapait ko siyang pinagmasdang talikuran ako. Rhaegar will be in a good and sure place now.

Iniwan ko ang sasakyan ko sa mansion at hinatid ako ng mga bodyguards papuntang building ng kumpaniya ni Lolo, dahil do’n naghihintay ang helicopter na maghahatid sa aking destinasyon.

Mabilis ang mga sumunod na pangyayari na hindi ko namalayang nakatayo na pala ako ngayon sa harap ng maingay at kumakawalang malakas na ihip na hangin na nagmumula sa helicopter dito sa helipad. Tahimik at naging tulala ako nang makasakay ako ng helicopter. Pakiramdam ko ay pagod na pagod ako. Pakiramdam ko ay namamanhid ang buong katawan ko. Pakiramdam ko ay anumang oras ay mawawalan ako ng ulirat.

This day drained me so much. I don’t think I can be able to move when I got there in the house that Lolo wants me to stay.

My heart still feels how fresh the excruciating pain I am having until this time. It wasn’t that painful anymore but it still breaking me.

Malakas at maingay ang tunog ng helicopter na bumibingi sa akin. Tumingin ako sa labas at tinanaw ang malawak na bukirin. Tanging malawak na palayan at mga puno lang ang aking natatanaw sa ibaba. Nasa Bulacan na ako. I said to my mind weakly.

Then suddenly, I think of him.

Rhaegar… I’m sorry if I leave you. It’s the hardest decision I made. It might not be the great one but it’s only for the sake of both of us.

I pledge, that the next time we meet again and you’re still holding the promises you made for me…hinding hindi na kita papakawalan. I will come back and will hold on to you again…

But for now, I have to leave. And when the right time came for us, I would never leave you again. Not ever…

Kabanata 28

Kabanata 28

Province

Tahimik ang lugar dahil nasa gitnang bukirin ang bahay na ibinigay sa akin ni Lolo. It was nice here and very peaceful. I am surrounded by hectares of rice-field. 

Mabatong kalsada ang tapat ng simpleng bahay na tinitirahan ko ngayon. Pero sa kabila ng kalsada ay panibagong bukirin muli ang matatanaw.

Sariwa ang hangin at tanging huni at lagaslas lang ng hangin ang tanging maririnig sa paligid. May iilang puno sa malawak sa palayan at mayroon ding matataas na puno sa harapan at gilid ng bahay ko. The not that huge gate in front of the house was rusty and looked old.

If I am not mistaken this house is one of my grandpa’s abandoned properties na hindi na nabibisita at na-reconstruct. It was not grand but when you enter inside the house you will see that furniture is all made of woods. The rustic theme and cream shade of the walls blended.

The antique jars and cabinets are all dusty. Even the marble floor wasn’t that clean enough to mirror yourself clearly. From the sofas and tables in the kitchen, once you trace it, dust was only you take. 

Nang magtungo ako ng kusina ay agad na nakuha ng aking mga mata ang nakatambak sa ibabaw ng lamesa ang sangkatutak na groceries. It was all good food that I can have for the whole month. Tiningnan ko iyon at nakita ang ilang frozen meats na mukhang nadedefrost na, dahil kanina pa nandito. Marahil ay kasama ko itong dumating dito at hindi ko lang napansin na ipinasok ng mga bodyguards.

Lumingon ako sa buong kitchen at nahagilap ko naman ang isang refrigerator na may kalumaan na rin.

That day, all I did was clean the whole house. I started in the living area then in the kitchen after a few. The house wasn’t huge and good for only five people. It is simple, with no floors and just only a one-story house.

At nang matapos kong malinis ang refrigerator at matuyo iyon ay inilagay ko na ang mga pagkaing dapat ilagay ron. Everything I need is already had here. Dahil nang masilip ko sa bintana ang likuran ng bahay kanina habang nagpupunas ako sa kusina ay nakita kong may mga gulay na pananim roon.

Everything I need is already here. I feel unhappy but at the same time glad that now I can finally have my life. Kahit na mag-isa ay gusto ko pa ring maging masaya para sa sarili ko. Matagal akong naghanap ng taong magpaparamdam ng pagmamahal para sa akin pero hindi naman pala iyon ang kailangan ko. I only need myself. I only need to learn how to love and care for myself first.

No one will take care of and loved you most and foremost before anyone else. To yourself first before to others. It is where should it starts.

Malungkot kong binuksan ang silid ng bahay. The house has only two rooms, but I will just only use and clean one room. Malawak ang kwarto na parang kagaya ng sa unit ko. Maalikabok nga lang ang malaking kama kaya inalis ko iyon at ibinilad sa teresa sa labas. I removed the bedsheets and pillowcases, as the blankets as well.

At nang binuksan ko ang lumang kahoy na malaking kabinet ay nakita kong may mga punda, bedsheets at iilang kurtina roon. Napagpasyahan kong labhan nalang ang mga iyon bukas dahil natapos ako sa pagliligpit ng bahay ay magtatakip silim na rin.

I cooked my dinner that night. Tahimik at malamig ang paligid kapag gabi. I open the door of the house and sat on the terrace for a while. There’s a purl of crickets that filled the air outside. It makes some good music in my ears as I looked up into the dark sky. I lean my back at the wall then watched the millions of twinkling stars above.

Then I let a soft sigh. Lolo makes me want to stay here and completely gone. He got mad at me earlier and so I am. But all I feel currently is that dreaming of him being kind and treating me as his own.

He became harsh to me but I know that he also has soft sides. He even brought me food here, that simple act I know it is from him. And it counts on me.

Then I think about Dad, hindi ko siya nakita sa mansion kanina. Is he still abroad? But Tita Vera was here already. Sino kayang nag-aalaga sa kaniya? Kung hinayaan lang ako ni Lolo at Tita Vera na makita man lang siya, I would definitely take care of him. He is my dad at siya nalang ang natitirang nandyan para sa akin. I know he would understand me.

I missed him like I always said, but words were not enough to explain how much I miss him. Gusto ko siyang makita at makausap. Gusto ko siyang mayakap at maglabas sa kaniya ng lahat ng bigat na nararamdaman ng dibdib ko.

Si Rhaegar…siya na yung taong alam kong magpaparamdam sa akin kung paanong minsang makalimot sa sakit at kirot. But then I let him. I ate my own words like what Briana told me. I wasn’t that brave enough to fight for him. He was very tough when it comes to me which I never expect that he will be. He keeps his word but I just take my own back.

I know that he is hurt but I got hurt as well. Our relationship wasn’t meant for us. We may be destined to cross our paths but we are not planned to end up together. Fate has his way for those people who really meant to happen and be. And it’s rueful that we are not meant to be together.

Tanging sa loob lang ako ng bahay nags-stay. Lalabas ng bakuran at sa likuran kapag may naisipang itanim. May ilang mga halaman na rin don gaya ng kamatis, kalabasa, sili, upo, patola at may ibang hindi ko makilala ang dahon dahil hindi pa namumunga.

Nang isang umaga na nagtungo ako sa halamanan sa likuran ng bahay ay nagulat akong makita ang isang matandang babae.

She is watering the plants and when she noticed my way, she took a glance at me. Natigilan ako nang makita ang gulat sa kaniyang mga mata.

“Sino ka?” She then asked me.

May buhat akong isang maliit na timba para sana diligan ang mga halamang bagong tanim ko nang makita kong nauna na niyang gawin iyon.

“Ako po si Ria,”

Naningkit ang kulubot ng gilid ng kaniyang mga mata dahil sa katandaan na sinusuri ako. At nang magbaba ang mga mata ko sa kaniyang hawak na lagadera at mapansing malaki iyon at mukhang may kabigatan ay agad na lumapit ako para tulungan siya.

“Ako na po dito, Lola,” I said as I reach for the sprinkler in her hand.

“Ikaw ba ang bagong nakatira riyan, hija?”

“Opo, La. Taga dito rin po ba kayo?” I asked her back.

Hinayaan niyang ako ang humawak ng lagadera. Ibinaba ko naman ang hawak kong timba para alalayan iyon.

“Kaano-ano mo ang mga De Laughrey?” Mayamaya ay tanong niya sa akin.

Napakurap kurap naman ako bago siya tipid na nginitian.

“Anak po ako ni Brayden De Laughrey,”

“Gano’n ba? Kelan ka pa dumating? Akala ko ay ikaw si Eva.”

“Nung nakaraang araw pa po akong nandito. Mag-iisang linggo na rin po.” I replied, ignoring the idea she thought that I’m someone she knew.

Diniligan ko ang mga halamang tinanim ko pagkatapos ay naramdaman ko siyang tingnan ang ilang mga halaman na nasa paligid. At nang balingan ko ang matanda ay nahuli ko ang nanunuri nitong mga mata na nakatuon pala sa akin.

She didn’t look away, she just glared at me intently the moment I turned my gaze on her.

Her eyes seem surprised but there’s a hint of curiosity in them. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin dahil naiilang ako sa kanyang mapanuring mga mata.

Nang matapos ako sa pagdidilig ay binalingan kong muli si Lola na kanina ay nandito lang pero nangunot ang noo ko nang makitang nawala na siya sa paligid.

Hinanap ko pa siya saglit dito sa likuran at baka sakaling naglalakad lang kung saan, pero hindi ko na siya nakita pa.

Ang bahay na ito lang ang tanging makikita mo sa malawak na palayan. But when you glance at the west side ay may matatanaw ka sa kalayuang mga kabahayan pero malayo layo pa iyon dito. Kaya nakakapagtaka na nawala si Lola na parang bula.

Bumalik na ako ng bahay para makapagluto ng pananghalian. Ngunit nang pagkapasok ko sa loob mula sa likuran ang daan ko ay may narinig akong tunog ng sasakyan sa kalsada. Nagmadali akong maglakad papasok sa loob ng salas para silipin kung sino iyon.

At nang makarating ako ng salas ay sinilip ko muna sa bintana kung ano iyon. It was a tricycle. Binuksan ko ang pintuan ng bahay at lumabas kalaunan.

“Uhm, Lola aalis na po ba kayo? Dito na po kayo mag-lunch sa bahay.” Tanong ko nang makita ang matanda na nandito lang pala sa harapan ng bahay at mukhang sinusundo na.

Bumaling si Lola sa akin at nakita kong titigan pa muna ako nito ng ilang sandali. Nakita ko ring tingnan ako ng lalaking nagmamaneho ng tricycle.

My forehead creased when I noticed that the man glanced at me in surprised like what I saw in Lola earlier.

“Ate Eva?” Mayamaya ay ani ng lalaki na nagugulat akong pinagmasdan at bumaba ng kaniyang sasakyan.

Mas lalong nangunot ang noo kong nakatingin sa kanilang dalawa.

“Hindi siya si Eva, Bugoy,” Lola informed him na nagpatigil sa lalaki sa paglapit sa akin.

“Sino pong, Eva, Lola?” Tanong ko dahil kanina ay sa pangalan ding ’yon niya ako pinagkamalan.

“Wala iyon, hija. Dati kasi iyong nakatira dito. Kaya napagkamalan ka lang namin na siya, dahil magmula nung umalis iyon ay hindi na namin siya muling nakita. Pasensya ka na hija.” Ani Lola sa akin.

“Sino ka kung gano’n? Bago ka bang caretaker ng bahay ng mga De Laughrey?” The man asked me.

Napakurap kurap ako ron. Hindi alam ang isasagot.

“Hindi, dito na ako nakatira.” I simply answered him.

Napataas ang kilay nito, namamangha.

“Nabili mo ba itong mga lupain ng De Laughrey? Masyado itong malawak, kung ganon ay isa kang bilyonarya?”

“Bugoy! Tumigil ka nga sa pagtatanong ng kung ano ano kay Ria! Apo siya ng Senior kaya igalang mo.” Ani Lola na nahihiya na akong binalingan ngayon.

Namilog naman ang mga mata ng lalaki. Kung titingnan siya ay mukhang ilang taon rin ang agwat ng edad naming dalawa. He’s a bit more older than me.

“Naku Lola! Bakit hindi niyo naman sinabi sa akin agad.” Dinig kong bulong pa ni kuya Bugoy kay Lola. Pagkaraan ay hinarap niya ako at bahagya pang iniyuko ang kaniyang ulo. “Ah, pasensya na po ma’am.” Paumanhin niya sa akin ng may paggalang.

Nakaramdam naman ako ng pagkailang don.

“Ayos lang po, kuya, wala po ’yong problema. Ria nalang po ang itawag niyo sa akin. Masyadong pormal ang ma’am.” Nakangiti kong sabi para naman gumaan ang usapan dahil mukhang nanigas siya nang malamang isa akong De Laughrey.

Nag-aalangan niya man akong pinagmasdan ay gumawad din siya ng isang tipid na ngiti sa akin.

“Mauuna na kami sa iyo, hija.” Biglang ani Lola sa tabi ni Kuya Bugoy.

“Uhm, dito na po kayo magtanghalian sa bahay, magluluto po ako.” I then said dahil halos mag-iisang linggo na rin akong walang nakakausap sa lugar na ito.

“Pasensya na hija, naghihintay na rin kasi ang mga apo kong anak nitong si Bugoy sa bahay para sabay sabay kaming makapananghalian.” Ani Lola sa akin.

She spoke kindly this time unlike earlier that she was a bit stiff and seems strict as she talked to me.

Ngumiti naman ako sa kaniya. “Gano’n po ba, sigi po. Sa susunod nalang po kung gano’n.”

Hindi naalis ang kaniyang mga mata sa akin na ani mong namamangha pa rin na makita akong nandito. Her old eyes screamed in amazement as she examines my whole being.

“Sigi, hija…” Anito at pumasok na sa loob ng tricycle.

Napatingin din ako kay kuya Bugoy na may tipid na ngiti sa akin. Tinanguan ako nito at bumusina pa bago sila tuluyang umalis.

Saglit ko pa munang pinagmasdan ang tricycle na unti unting lumiit sa aking paningin bago ako tuluyang pumasok ng tarangkahan at saka isinara iyon.

Hindi nawala sa aking isipan ng araw na iyon si Lola. Wala akong ideya na kilala pala dito sa probinsyang ito si Lolo. Pero nakakapagtaka na hindi na siya dito muling bumalik pa at kahit ni minsan ay hindi rin naman nabanggit sa akin ni Dad ang lugar na ito. But I know about this place dahil alam ko ang ilang assets at ari-arian ni Lolo sa kumpanya.

The night came and there, where I always went out and stayed my door open as I sat and lean on the terrace in front of this house. Nakatingala sa madilim na kalangitan na pinapalamutian ng nagkikintabang mga bituin sa langit.

Sa ilang araw ko ng nandito ay ni minsan ay hindi ko na nagawa pang gamitin ang aking cellphone. When I get here the next day ay don ko lang iyon binuhay at pinatay na rin kalaunan hanggang ngayon.

My phone was bombarded with a flood of messages and missed calls from Rhaegar. Some are from Sofi but neither of them did I answer.

Mas lalo lang akong nalulungkot at nasasaktan sa tuwing maaalala ko ang malungkot at madilim na mga mata ni Rhaegar sa akin nang araw na iyon. I know how much it hurts him at hindi ko rin alam kung magkikita pa ba kaming muli.

It’s been a week now, I believe that he is already engaged with Briana. It’s unbearable to think that he will be with my halfsister after leaving him. It’s my decision, but somehow, I still asked myself if what will gonna happen if I choose not to leave him. If I choose to be selfish for that moment and have him with me.

Magiging kami pa rin ba hanggang ngayon? Alam kong hindi iyon matatanggap ng kaniyang mga magulang at gano’n din sila Lolo sa akin. It will just worsen our situation if I chose to be with him.

Kaya siguro na mabuti na ring ganito ang nangyari. Masakit man pero ngayon pa ba ako susuko? Ilang beses na akong nasaktan at niloko, ngayon pa ako bibigay?

Lumipas ang halos isang buwan at nanatiling simple at tahimik ang mga nagdaang araw ko. Kahit na gano’n ay masasabi ko naman na nagiging maayos na rin ang lagay ko. I tried to have my life here together with the people on this barangay.

Halos araw-araw ding bumibisita si Lola Sita dito sa bahay at tinutulungan ako sa pagpapalago ng mga halaman. Nalaman ko ring sa kaniyang tanim pala ang mga gulay na nandito sa likuran ng bahay. She used to go here and cleaned the whole yard at naisipan niyang pagtaniman ang lupa dito sa likuran ng bahay dahil nakita niya raw na mataba ang lupa rito at magandang pagtaniman.

Kumuha ako ng isang pitsel ng tubig sa ref at ipinagsalin si Lola Sita ng tubig sa kaniyang baso. Kakatapos lang naming magtanim muli ng mga bagong halaman at ngayo’y magpapahinga na at maghahanda naman ako ng pananghalian namin.

“Salamat, hija.” She then said when I handed her the glass of water.

I smiled at her and sat on the chair in front of her on the table.

“Susunduin po ba kayo ni Kuya Bugoy para sa pananghalian?” Tanong ko sa kaniya dahil madalas na ganoon ang nangyayari pero minsan naman ay sinasabayan niya ako sa pananghalian ko dito sa bahay.

“Hindi, Ria. Dito na ako magpapananghalian, sasamahan na muna kita.” She said then stood from her chair.

Pinagmasdan ko lang siyang tumungo sa bandang counter para kuhain sa basket ng mga gulay ang sitaw at ilan pang mga rekados. Madalas na kapag dito siya kumakain ng pananghalian ay gusto niyang siya ang magluluto. Gusto niya raw akong ipagluto kaya hindi na rin ako tumanggi. May minsan na ring napag-usapan namin ang tungkol sa aking pamilya at nakuwento kong hindi ako anak ni Daddy sa tunay na asawa niya kundi anak sa labas.

“Anak ka ni Brayden sa ibang babae?” She asked me like she can’t afford to believe me.

“Opo, La. Pero kahit na gano’n naman po ang sitwasyon ko ay kinupkop at inalagaan naman po ako ng mga De Laughrey.”

She was just glaring at me, still in awe of what I just said.

“Kung gano’n ay bakit ka narito sa probinsya ng Bulacan? Bakit wala ka Maynila at kasama sila?”

Sa tuwing hindi ko alam kung paanong sasagutin ang mga tanong niya sa akin ay nananahimik na lang ako at nginingitian siya.

“My dad is sick, he was abroad at hindi pa po siya nakakabalik,” I said to her languidly.

Nakita ko ang gulat at pag-aalala na gumuhit sa kaniyang mga mata.

“Pasensya na hija, hindi ko alam. Kumusta naman ang lagay ng ama mo?”

I smiled a bit at her. “Wala po akong balita sa lagay ni Dad ngayon, pero…naniniwala akong magiging maayos din po ang lagay niya.”

“Mabait na bata iyang ama mo. Noong araw ay madalas si Brayden at Corbray dito sa probinsya. Dito sila naglalagi sa bahay na ito tuwing bakasyon. At kahit na nagbinata na ang dalawang magkapatid na iyan ay hindi sila nakalimot na bumisita rito kahit na isang linggo o dalawang linggo man lang sa bakasyon. Naging abala na rin kasi sila sa kumpaniya nila nang lumago ito, at kalaunan ay napabayaan na rin ang malawak na lupain dito.” She then said to me.

Tinulungan ko si Lola sa pagpuputol ng sitaw para sa sinigang pork with gabi nitong lulutuin para sa pananghalian naming dalawa. I looked at her to ask.

“Si… Tito Corbray po ba kamukha ni Dad?” Pagaka-ano ay tanong ko sa kaniya.

Mabilis siyang nag-angat sa akin ng tingin at ang gilid ng mukha nito ay mas kumulubot nang sumilay ang ngiti sa kaniyang mga labi.

“Aba ay oo naman. Magkamukha sila pero hindi naman magkamukhang magkamukha na parang isang kambal. Si Corbray ang panganay at malaki rin ang agwat ng edad ng magkapatid na iyan. Pero sa tuwing magkasama sila ay masasbi mo na agad na magkapatid ang dalawa. Parehas seryoso kung tumingin at tahimik lang.”

Napangiti rin ako sa kuwento ni Lola. Si Tito Corbray ay ang nakakatandang kapatid ni Dad pero ni isang beses ay hindi ko pa nakikita ang hitsura nito kahit sa litrato man lang. Maaga siyang pumanaw kaya hindi ko siya naabutan. Sanggol pa lamang ako nang mamatay siya sa isang aksidente. Dad used to tell me about him when I was a kid. That Tito Corbray was a great and honorable man he knows and he looked up to.

We usually even go to the cemetery to visit his tomb. I can sense that Dad really missed him in those years when I was a little. I can tell that his love for his brother, Tito Corbray was extremely downright. Iisipin ko palang sa mga kuwento ni Lola sa akin tungkol sa kanilang magkapatid ay namamangha na ako kung paano nila tulungan at mahalin ang isa’t isa.

“Kung nabubuhay lang siguro si Corbray ngayon, paniguradong magkakasundo kayo ng tiyuhin mo na iyon.”

Nagulat naman ako sa sinabi niya. “Huh? Pano niyo naman po nasabi, Lola Sita?”

Tanong ko dahil kahit ako mismo sa aking sarili ay nag-aalangan kung magiging mabait din ba sa akin si Tito Corbray. Lolo hated me, and Dad’s wife and daughter Briana hated me as well. Kaya hindi ko alam kung gano’n din ba ang mararamdaman niya para sa akin. Na baka kamuhian lang din niya ako. But then, based on Lola’s story, Tito Corbray has a very gentle and kind heart. The way she spokes and tell about him says and proves how pure his heart can be.

“Nako, mahilig din iyon sa mga halaman. Mahilig iyong magtanim dito kaya nga kahit mga kababaihan noon na hindi naman hilig ang paghahalaman ay nakahiligan na rin, makapagtanong lang at makausap siya tungkol dito. Sikat ang dalawang magkapatid na De Laughrey na iyan dito sa lugar namin. Kahit sino ay makikila sila rito. Kung hindi naman ay hinahangaan ang magkapatid na iyan dahil maraming nagkakagustong mga babae sa kanila. Nakakatuwa at nakakamiss na balikan ang nakaraan…” Nakangiting ani Lola Sita sa akin pero ang mga mata niya ay iba ang sinasabi.

Nakita ko kung paanong mabilis na dumaan don ang lungkot sa kaniyang mga mata. Agad siyang nag-iwas sa akin ng tingin nang mapansing tumagal ang titig ko sa kaniya. Tumayo na siya at tinungo ang kalan.

I helped her cooked and arrange our plates afterward. Nag-siesta rin kami ni Lola ng hapon na iyon. She made a banana cue for our snacks after our siesta. It was peaceful and a very nice day for me.

Dahil bukod sa may nalaman ako tungkol sa pamilya namin na hindi naman nagawang pag-usapan noon dahil hindi naman ako itinuring ni Lolo na kapamilya. Natutuwa pa rin ako na marinig kung paanong magandang napalaki ng Lolo at Lola ko ang dalawa nilang mga anak na si Dad and Tito Corbray. Nakakalungkot lang na hindi ko naabutan si Tito, kung paano siya maging mabait at mapagmahal kung sakaling makilala niya ako. Dahil sa mga kuwento pa lang ni Lola Sita sa akin at ni Dad, nararamdaman ko na agad kung gaano siya kabuting tao.

Nang maghapon ay nagpaalam na sa akin si Lola.

“Nandya’n na po ba si kuya Bugoy? Mamaya na po kayo lumabas ng gate kapag nandyan na siya.” Ani ko nang matanaw sa kalsada na wala pa roon ang nakaparadang tricycle ni Kuya Bugoy.

“O siya sigi na nga,” anito at naupo muna muli kami sa teresa ng bahay habang hinihintay si Kuya Bugoy.

Patakip-silim na rin kaya sigurado kaming papunta na dito ang anak niya para sunduin siya.

Kulay kahel na ang langit at napakaganda pala nitong pagmasdan sa isang bukirin. Kahit na nakaupo lang kaming dalawa ni Lola dito sa may teresa ay nakaharap pa rin sa amin ang malawak na palayan. Napakatahimik at payapa ng naging bawat araw ko rito.

“Nandiyan na ata si Bugoy,” mayamaya ay ani Lola Sita sa akin.

Napatayo naman ako sa upuan ko para tanawin ang gate mula sa teresa at nakita ko sa malayo pa lang na papunta na rito ang tricycle niya.

“Siya na ba ’yan, Ria?”

“Opo, La-” ngunit natigilan ako at nanliit ang mga mata kong napatingin sa likuran ng tricycle ni Kuya Bugoy. Papalapit na sila sa labas ng gate at mas lalong luminaw sa paningin ko ang isang sasakyang itim na nakasunod sa tricycle ni kuya Bugoy.

“Lola? Ria! Nandito na po ako,” dinig namin ni Lola na pagtawag sa amin ni Kuya Bugoy sa labas ng gate nang maiparada niya ang kaniyang tricycle.

Naramdaman ko namang tumayo na si Lola Sita sa kaniyang upuan at inalalayan ko naman siya patungong gate. Nalilito at nagtataka kong binuksan ang pagkakasara ng lumang tarangkahan dahil sa sasakyang nakita ko kanina.

“Bugoy, kanino iyang magarang sasakyan na iyan sa likuran mo?” Mayamaya ay tanong ni Lola Sita sa kaniya nang tuluyan kaming makalabas ng gate.

“Ah, Lola nakasalubong ko po kasi siya kanina sa bayan. May hinahanap daw po siya e,” Ani Bugoy sa amin.

Napatingin naman ako sa itim na sasakyan na kakapark lang ngayon sa bandang likuran ng tricycle ni Bugoy.

“Sino raw? Sana ay tinanong mo at baka sakaling matulungan natin.” Si Lola na nakatingin na rin sa itim na sasakyan.

It was a sleak black range rover car that parks outside our gate. I noticed that we all glaring on that now, but when I felt Bugoy’s glanced at me ay napalingon din ako sa kaniya.

“Si Eleftheria Aiden De Laughrey, daw po Lola ’yung hinahanap niya.” Nagulat ako sa sinabi niya. Binalingan ako ni Bugoy. “Ikaw ba ’yon, Ria? Kasi ikaw lang ang alam kong De Laughrey na nandito ngayon.”

Napakurap kurap ako sa kaniya. “Oo, sino raw sila?” Tanong ko dahil wala namang ibang nakakaalam ng lugar namin dito kundi kaming mga De Laughrey lang, kaya nga ako dito ipinadala ni Lolo para walang makakita sa akin.

“Boss! Tama nga po ako, nandito po ’yung hinahanap niyo!” Mayamaya pa ay sigaw ni Kuya Bugoy sa sasakyang nakaparada.

At nang bumukas ang pintuan ng driver’s seat ay agad na namilog ang aking mga mata, napaawang ang bibig ko at kalaunan ay malalim na napalunok.

Bumaba siya ng kaniyang sasakyan at nagtama ang mga mata naming matagal na ring hindi nagkikita. His gray dark eyes narrowed on me intently when he removed his wayfarer.

“Sino itong gwapo na naghahanap sa iyo, hija? Kilala mo ba siya?” Tanong ni Lola sa akin nang maramdaman kong balingan niya ako ng tingin.

My eyes did not even blink. Nananatiling hindi makapaniwala na makitang nandito si Rhaegar ngayon.

“O-Opo, Lola,” I answered breathily when Rhaegar started to take his step towards my way.

I swallowed hard when I felt a huge lump stuck at the back of my throat. My heart throbs and my body started to have chills.

Why is he here? Rhaegar…

Kabanata 29

Kabanata 29

Dictate

“Boss, siya po ba ’yung hinahanap niyo?” Kuya Bugoy’s question thrilled me.

Rhaegar didn’t glance at him but remain his glare on me. I felt the electricity that his deep-set gray eyes are giving me. Seryoso ang kaniyang mga mata pero ang mukha ay parang walang reaksyon. His lips were grim as his eyes narrowed on my way.

I didn’t look away. Still stunned to see him here. What is he doing here, anyway? He shouldn’t come to my place. Does he need something from me kaya niya ako pinuntahan? O dahil sa trabahong naiwan ko, o kaya naman ay dahil…

“Siya nga,” he said in a deep voice, a bit menacing that makes me gulp as I stepped back a bit.

“Kilala mo ba talaga siya, hija?” Dinig kong tanong ni Lola sa akin nang maramdamang wala akong kibo ritong nakatayo.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin kay Rhaegar at binalingan si Lola. Her eyes were looked worried and curious as she glanced at me. Nagbaba ako ng tingin dahil hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin na makita si Rhaegar ngayon mismo sa aking harapan.

“Ria?” Si kuya Bugoy.

“A-Ah ihatid mo na muna si Lola, kuya Bugoy. Dumidilim na rin, baka inaantay na siya ng mga anak mo.” Binalingan ko si Lola. “Bukas nalang po ulit, La,” I said to her then took a glance on Rhaegars way, a glimpse.

“Sigi, hija maiwan ko na kayo nitong bisita mo. Tayo na Bugoy,” nabakas ko ang pag-aalangan ni Lola nang sabihin niya iyon.

Nakita kong suriin pa ni Lola si Rhaegar saglit bago siya tuluyang naglakad papasok ng tricycle.

“Sigi ho, boss. Mauuna na kami, Ria.” Si kuya Bugoy na mukhang naninimbang ang mga tingin sa akin.

Tinanguan ko nalang siya nang magtagal ang tingin niya sa akin at mukhang wala pang balak na iwan kami anumang oras.

He then glanced on Rhaegar’s way before he finally went on his tricycle. Ako naman ay pinagmasdang paandarin iyon ni kuya Bugoy na binalingan muli ako ng tingin bago iyon tuluyang pinaandar.

Kasabay ng pag-alis ng sasakyan nila Lola ay mabilis din akong naglakad papasok ng tarangkahan at agad na isinarado ang gate. Hindi ko na binalingan pa si Rhaegar na naramdaman kong mabilis ding nilakad ang gawi ko na hindi na niya naabutan nang tuluyan kong maisara ang gate.

“Aiden,” his voice was stern and humid.

I can feel how serious and cold it was when he called my name. He wasn’t commanding me, he was calling me with his voice vicious and sting at the same time.

Nag-angat ako sa kaniya ng tingin nang tuluyan kong mai-lock iyon. Ang dalawang malaki at malakas nitong kamay ay nakahawak ngayon sa lumang bakal ng gate na nakaharang sa pagitan naming dalawa.

Diretso at tuwid ang malalim at madilim nitong mga matang mariing nakatitig sa akin. His jaw clenched in frustration and from halting himself from getting inside. He was controlling himself as he glanced at me, I can sense it.

“Hindi ka na dapat pumunta rito-”

“Let me in,” this time, he said that in a very dangerous tone. His eyes gravely glaring at me.

It was scary but I don’t get myself getting frightened from it anymore. For the past weeks, I have been here without seeing that dark glares and it makes me find my peace. It didn’t thrill me but what his glares made me feel at this moment is that sting in my pounding chest.

Seeing him here in front of me gives me insight and a conclusion of us that I shouldn’t think about. If my grandpa knows his whereabouts ay ako na naman ang maaapektuhan. Madadagdagan lang lalo ang pagkamuhi niya sa akin. And his parents, Briana?  What about them? Hindi na dapat siya nagpunta pa rito. He’s already engaged to her.

“Rhaegar umalis ka na.” I probed.

His jaw moved and his eyes darken more. Then he shooked his head like he’s not doing anything I will say.

“You can’t escape from me again. I won’t let you for the second time, Aiden.”

I looked away, getting away from his deep mesmerizing glares.

“Umalis ka na,” I only said before I walked away from him.

I turned my back on him and walked towards the terrace. Hindi ko na siya nagawang lingunin pa dahil hindi ko na gusto pang maglapat ang aming mga mata.

Napasinghap akong naglakad patungong kusina. Mabilis ang naging tibok ng puso ko at ngayon ko lang rin naramdaman ang panginginig ng aking mga daliri. Kinalma ko ang aking sarili sandali at saka kumuha ng tubig na maiinom.

There wasn’t a day that I didn’t think it would happen. I’m worried because I know to myself that I still want him and I still love him but I know I shouldn’t push this. Dahil mas palalalain ko lang ang sitwasyon naming pareho kung papaboran ko ang sarili ko sa pagkakataong ito.

The time he went out of his car earlier, he never failed on making my heart thumped wildly. And in those days that we haven’t seen each other, he only made it tough and remain still with him.

I never forget how his eyes bloodshot and narrowed excruciating glares on me that day I decided to just leave him. It still bugs me every night but then, now that he’s here. Mas lalo lang akong nakaramdam ng pagkabagabag.

He is probably engaged to Briana. They might get married in just a span of weeks after their engagement. Kaya ano at nandito siya? Hindi na siya dapat pang nagpunta pa rito. Natahimik na rin ako kahit pilit na binabagabag ng aking puso ang utak ko.

I can manage myself. I can bear all this burden I made to myself.

Nang makita kong madilim na ang kalangitan pagkatapos kong magluto ng gabihan ay tinungo ko ang salas para tingnan kung umalis na ba siya. I sighed when I took a glance at the window and see him…leaning on his car.

Halos isang oras na rin ang lumipas nang iwanan ko siya ron kanina. He should go by then and leave this place.

Ibinaba ko ang kurtina at bumalik patungong kusina para makapaghain na. Hindi ko siya papatuluyin dahil alam kong mas lalo lang siyang magpupumilit sa mga bagay na pilit kong inaagapan ang sarili ko.

Noon pa man ay alam ko nang hindi magiging madali itong pinasok ko pero hinayaan ko ang sarili ko. I doubted at first and hesitate because it’s myself I’m going to risk again. From Tommen to him. He’s far from all the boys I met back then because he is more dangerous and unhealthy for a woman like me.

He’s elusive and stern that doesn’t give me any idea on how to handle a man like him. He remains humid and strict but he manages to be someone else when he’s with me. He’s very different. He’s very special that he was the only person who could make me feel shivered in fright and bliss at the same time he’s with me. It was a feeling I had never felt before.

I let a sigh after I put another plate on the table. He can’t stay his night outside the gate on his car kung may bahay naman siyang pwedeng matuluyan. I know that I said to myself I won’t let him. But my heart can’t just seem to see him there in cold.

Naglakad ako at tinungo ang teresa palabas. Nang tuluyan akong makalabas ay agad na dumapo sa kaniya ang aking paningin. Nakita kong umalis siya sa pagkakasandal sa kaniyang sasakyan.

His eyes were immediately thrown in my way. He looked weak and tired when his hooded eyes locked on me.

Bumaba ako at tinungo ang tarangkahan. Nanatili naman siyang nakatayo sa gilid ng kaniyang sasakyan bago ko tuluyang maabot ang gate. I removed the locks at binuksan iyon.

But when I completely wide open the gate, his embrace stopped me. Nabigla ako at hindi inasahan ang biglaan niyang pagpasok at paghapit sa aking katawan.

My lips parted as I know and familiarized to myself this familiar loud beats of my heart began to deafen my hearing. His huge arm wrapped around my body. I felt him put his chin on my back. Resting himself on me tightly.

“Rhaegar,” I muttered breathily.

Naramdaman ko ang mainit niyang balat na sumasakop sa aking katawan. His body…his hug that made me feel the comfort. I stayed still and didn’t move. I let him embraced me. I let myself touch and feel his longed and rigid clasp.

I cannot deny to myself that I really missed him.

I halted from breathing when I felt him gasped. Ilang sandali pa kaming nanatili sa ganoong posisyon bago niya ako pinakawalan.

Hindi ako nag-angat ng tingin sa kaniya nang maghiwalay ang aming mga katawan. Naiilang at hindi alam ang sasabihin dahil ramdam ko ang mariin at seryoso nitong mga tingin nito sa akin.

He just hugged me and I cannot tame the heartthrobs that are beaten me now.

“P-Pumasok ka muna,” I uttered stutteringly.

My eyes remain on the ground. Hindi siya umimik at nanatiling nakatitig lang sa akin ang mga mata. I bit my lower lip at nag-iwas sa kaniya para tunguhin ang gate at isara iyon.

Naramdaman kong nakasunod lang sa akin ang mga mata niyang hindi ko magawang pagmasdan pabalik. His glares weaken on me this time. It is weary and exhausted that I cannot bear to look at.

Nakasunod lang siya sa akin at tahimik na pumasok sa loob ng bahay. I noticed that his eyes never leave my way magmula kanina sa labas. Nakaramdam naman ako ng pagkailang ron.

Nang marating namin ang kusina at makita ang hinanda kong pagkain ay binalingan ko siya na nananatili pa ring nakatitig sa akin.

“Kumain na muna tayo,” I said to him.

Gaya ng kanina ay nananatili pa rin siyang hindi umiimik. Nakatitig lang sa akin at walang buhay ang mga matang nakalapat sa akin.

Naupo nalang ako at hindi na nagsalita.

“Aiden,” he huskily called my name.

I stopped. I didn’t glance at him, instead, I focused my sight on my plate. Nakita ko sa gilid ng aking mga mata na marahan siyang naglakad palapit sa aking upuan.

Napalunok ako at agad na nakaramdam ng kirot sa aking dibdib.

If he is here to talk about us, it isn’t the time. We should let it passes in the meantime. This could just ruin ourselves this way lalo na at matagal kaming hindi nagkita.

At isa pa…ayaw ko rin munang masaktan. Sa malungkot at walang buhay pa lang niyang ekspresyon sa mga mata ay nakikita ko nang walang paglalagyan ang malakas na pag-alpas ng dibdib ko para sa kaniya. Gusto ko siyang hawakan at yakapin pabalik pero hindi ko magawa.

Hindi ko pwedeng gawin dahil alam kong dapat ko ng pigilan yung sarili ko. Kailangan ko ng gisingin yung sarili ko na kahit kailan ay hindi ko siya pwedeng angkinin. Like what Briana said to me, I maybe was in my dream. I can’t let him decide for us both, me either. It’s the people around us who are making this hard for us.

It’s stupid but I care for what others people opinion towards our relationship. Especially that it was from his family. I treasured and appreciate what family should do their part on us, for us. And his mom’s words were a big slap on me.

Hanggang sa matapos kami sa pagkain ay tanging mga mata lang niya ang tangi kong napapansin na hindi inaalis sa aking gawi. Hindi ko iyon pinagtuonan ng pansin at tumayo na ako patungong lababo daladala ang mga pinggan.

Naramdaman ko siyang tumayo at sumunod sa akin dala ang mga baso.

“Ako na ang maghuhugas nito-”

“Ako na dito, Rhaegar.” Agap ko sa kaniya dahil alam kong pagod na rin siya.

Ilang sandali pang naglapat ang aming mga tingin bago ako tuluyang bumaling at nag-iwas. Hindi naman na siya nangulit pa at hinayaan na ako. Nang ilang sandali pa ang lumipas at binabanlawan ko na ang mga pinggan ay nakita ko siyang pinupunasan ang lamesa.

Nangunot ang noo ko ron at saka mahinang bumuntong-hininga. Nang matapos ako sa paghuhugas ng pinggan ay nakaabang lang siya sa aking nakasandig sa hamba ng pintuan na para bang hinihintay at inaabangan ako.

I licked my lower lips habang naglakad patungong salas na hindi siya binabalingan ng tingin. Nakasunod siya sa akin, tahimik naman ako at hinahayaan siyang bumuntot. Nang mapagtanto kong wala na rin akong gagawin kundi ang magpahinga na sa aking kuwarto.

Huminto ako nang nasa tapat na ako ng sofa at hinarap siya. Nahuli kong maglikot ang mga mata niya sa aking kabuuan. I cleared my throat to get his attention.

He glanced at me, eyes blankly in seriousness. “Magpapahinga na ako, umuwi-” nahinto ako nang maisip na malayo rin pala ang pinanggalingan niya at marahil ay napagod din siya sa byahe lalo na at sinabi ni kuya Bugoy na hinahanap niya nga raw ako sa bayan.

“Uhm…” Nag-iwas ako sa kaniya ng tingin ngayon nang mapaisip ako na hindi naman siya pwedeng sa kwarto ko matulog ngayong gabi.

“I can sleep here in the living room,” bigla niyang sinabi, animong nababasa ang laman ng aking iniisip.

Napaangat ako sa kaniya ng tingin. Then I nodded my head to him later on.

“Sigi, I will get you some…pillows and blanket.”

He moved his brow on me then his mouth parted for a while.

“Okay, lalabas muna ako. Gonna park my car inside the yard.”

Napakurap kurap pa ako bago tumango tango sa kaniya kalaunan. Napakagat labi ako at nauna ko siyang talikuran papuntang kwarto ko para kuhanan na siya ng unan at kumot na pwede niyang gamitin.

As I get some pillowcases inside the cabinet to cover up the cushions. I remember the other room beside mine. He can actually sleep there but I haven’t cleaned that room yet. Simula kasi nang dumating ako rito ay hindi ko pa nabubuksan iyong kabilang silid dahil hindi ko rin naman binalak na gamitin lalo na at mag-isa lang naman ako rito.

Pagkalabas ko ng kwarto ko ay narinig ko ang tunog ng sasakyan niyang kakaparada lang sa loob ng bakuran. Ibinaba ko ang daladala kong unan at kumot sa sofa at dinungaw siya sa nakabukas na pintuan at natanaw na isinasara niya ang gate.

When he saw me gazing at him from the doorway, he stared at me for a while. I didn’t look away at tinitigan din siya pabalik.

At kalaunan ay naglakad na siya papasok dahilan para maputol ang titigan naming dalawa. Pumasok na rin ako bago pa niya ako maabutan sa hamba ng pintuan.

“Ito na pala yung unan mo, saka kumot,” I said to him nang makabalik na siya, as I showed him the pillows arranged on the sofa.

He took a glance at it then lift his glares back on me again.

We stared at each other for a while. My sight from his deep-set gray eyes down to his luscious lips. I noticed that our distance was not a bit far from each other. Or it’s just my eyes that seem so close to him. And when I lifted my vision at his dimmed gray eyes, my mouth parted in half-open.

Seryoso at malalim ang mga mata niya.

“Is you living here…good?” He then asked me huskily.

I blink then sighed slowly without him noticing it.

“Yes,” I answered breathily.

He took a step near to my place. I immediately pay attention to it when my heart started to feel the uneasiness from his eating distance.

“Are you…living here alone?” His voice was breathy and very grim but I felt how curious he was.

He didn’t remove his stern glares on me and just continue walking, eating the distance that makes us apart from each other.

“Y-Yes,” I answered again, stutteringly this time.

I saw how his jaw move then his captivating glares darken. His lips were grim but mine left in half-open when I felt shortened for air to breathe.

“Why did you leave me?”

I paused from breathing. Napakurap kurap ako at biglang nakaramdam ng kirot sa aking dibdib. He shouldn’t be asked me this, he knows my reason.

“Rhaegar, you know my reason why I left you that day-”

“You left me without any word, Aiden. You left me because of what my mom said to you, is that it?” He asked, painfully mad like he cannot buy my reason.

Nagbaba ako ng tingin sa kaniya nang hindi ko na matagalan ang talim ng kaniyang mga mata sa akin. He is mad at me. I get it. Who would not be angry at what I did?

“It’s for your own good, Rhaegar. Wala kang mapapala sa akin. All I can give you was heartache-”

“Fuck the offers you can give to me. I never think of myself having benefited from you. Your love was the only investment I want to earn and nothing more, Aiden. Do you understand me?” His voice narrowed deeply.

Nag-angat ako sa kaniya at nakitang ilang pulgada nalang ang pagitan ng aming mga katawan sa isa’t isa.

“We cannot be together. You are engaged with Briana. It’s for your family’s empire and for your betterment, Rhaegar. Listen to your mom’s will, he only knows what is best for you.”

“Not everything they want me to do, I will follow Aiden. I have my own mind to decide what’s best for myself. It’s not them who will appoint for what I wanted to have. It will be my choice if I will be engaged to your half-sister or not. And I choose not to, Aiden. But what you did is to flee from me…” He mumbled while his eyes storm in pain and bitterness. His jaw moved, I want to hold him right now but I stopped myself.

“You know how much I treasured what family is for, Rhaegar. Even how much they hurt and decide for yourself, it’s still our family… and they are more important than anyone else. Sana naman maintindihan mo ako.” I stated, a bit weak and breathy.

His adam’s apple moved before his menacing glares captivated me again.

“I know it, Aiden. Pero sana naman isipin mo rin yung nararamdaman ko, yung nararamdaman mo, natin. You know how much I want you to stay on my side whatever happens. Cannot you do it this time? We have been far away from each other for almost a damn fucking month. And I cannot anticipate it any longer anymore. I want you back, Aiden.”

I stared at him, while longer and extremely deep that I can see how his eyes glisten in frustration.

Hinawakan niya ang braso ko at napatingin ako ron. I didn’t protest but the growing electricity is starting to ground me this time.

“I’m not engaged to Briana if that’s what you are believing.”

His eyes never lied to me. But I can’t risk myself to it. What happened to Briana? What happened to their plans of getting a wedding after engagement? Is Lolo fine with it? His mom, are they fine after he decides for himself?

“But-” he cutted me off.

“I don’t care about my family’s opinion of it, Aiden.”

“They should be matter, Rhaegar.” My voice raised a bit. I glared at him now.

“It’s between us, Aiden. My family’s opinion towards us nor about me for Briana has nothing to say on it-”

“They are still your parents-”

“I know but they didn’t make us work if they continue meddling with my life. I want you with me. I want you in my life. And they can’t make a difference to change my mind about it, Aiden.” He said in finality.

I gulped, gritted my teeth afterward.

“How could you say this to your family, Rhaegar?” Hindi makapaniwala kong tanong.

Namilog naman ang mga mata niya sa tanong ko. Animong hindi siya makapaniwala sa naging reaksyon ko.

“Aiden,” he bellowed in disbelief.

“They are your parents and you know what my relation to my own family. Hindi kami okay ng pamilya ko at ayaw ko ng ganon din ang mangyari sa inyo nang dahil lang sa akin, Rhaegar.”

“You are being unreasonable, Aiden.”

“And you are being selfish, Rhaegar,” I said that made him more looked in the rampage.

Walang nag-iiwas sa amin ng tingin at nananatiling mariin ang titig namin sa isa’t isa. Hindi ko gustong mag-away sila ng pamilya niya ng dahil lang sa akin. He is too selfish to think of his own good. I know he has a mind to think and decide on his own, but there is his family to give him a choice.

“You know what, Aiden. I came here for you-”

“You shouldn’t come then. I never waited for you anyway. I live here to completely be out of your life but then you come here for me.-”

“Aiden if it’s about my family you are worried about more than me, then damn it! Why can’t you understand that they can never dictate me? Is it that hard to comprehend that I let myself on my own? Magkaiba ang pamilya natin, Aiden. Kung sayo ay walang gumagabay at sa akin naman ay mayroon, hindi ibig sabihin niyon ay mabuti ang lahat ng ginagawa nilang desisyon para sa akin. It’s my life I am living. It is us that they are trying to tear apart. And I can’t just let them do that, Aiden. So please, stop saying this bullshits on me.”

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kaniya. Nasasaktan dahil alam ko sa sarili kong naaapektuhan ako sa mga sinasabi niya. Magkaiba kami ng pamilya. Tama siya. Kahit na kailan ay hindi nila ako nagawang gabayan pero si Dad at Lola ay nagawa iyon. They had the best for me. Pero nang sabihin niyang hindi lahat ay maganda ay napagtanto kong ganoon ang nangyayari sa amin ni Lolo at ng pamilya niya.

Lolo never guides me but he is always leading me to the path that something I never choose to be. I let him but I never think it as an ill move. Because I respect and have a love for him. Now that I realize he will never be good to me, and will nothing to make it better for me. I feel pity for myself.

“If you want me to go, I am not going to do that. I will stay here and not leave unless you come with me.” He grunted with his deep husky voice while his eyes darken on me.

“You better go, Rhaegar. Matagal na rin tayong wala-”

“You never break up with me. Remember? Iniwan mo lang ako pero hindi ka nakipaghiwalay. So just tell me when you want to come back to work, mahirap kapag wala ang secretary ko.” He then uttered that made my mouth half-open.

He said it humidly. But the dismissive tone was coated it all.

Hindi na rin nagtagal ang walang buhay na niya ngayong mga mata na nakabaling sa akin. Naglakad na siya patungong sofa at inayos ang unan at kumot na ibinigay ko kanina. He then laid down on the sofa and never glances on my way again.

Nagbaba ako ng tingin sa sahig at bagsak mga balikat kong naglakad papasok ng silid ko.

I said foul words to him this time. I know that I never meant what I said that he shouldn’t come here. I cannot lie to myself that my heart fluttered to see him here tonight. And all that I said in that phrase was the opposite I am feeling. I wanted him as well. I waited for him too. And I still remember what I told the night sky that first day I’ve come here, that I believe he shouldn’t let anybody dictates him. It happens and it seems to make me feel at ease but at the same time it bothered that neither I… can’t decide for his own.

Kabanata 30

Kabanata 30

Room

We can never push what we want to anyone who has their own mindset. Likewise, to ourselves either. No one will get to decide what we choose not to have in life. It’s between the two, choosing to be happy in a great way we think we become or choosing the path of what others say us to be.

Rhaegar wants to be with me. And he chose to stay and be with me. I’d rather choose him either, but my mind cannot get moved enough of what my grandpa will say.

It’s not that I want to earn his trust because I know that there is no other way for us to be good at each other. I do think that there is no bad at being better to have cared for myself this time.

All my life I tried to please him and I never get tired of it. But now that I am thinking about my happiness that he cannot afford to give, why shouldn’t I give myself the affection I want to have for the person I love.

Rhaegar gives those imaginations and compassion that no one had given me before. And letting him go for the second time would be my loss.

Maaga akong nagising kinabukasan dahil nakatulog din naman agad ako kagabi pagkapasok ko ng aking silid. Bumangon ako sa aking kama at tanaw ko na mula sa aking bintana ang sikat ng haring araw. Tumayo na ako pagkatapos ligpitin ang sariling higaan at lumabas ng aking kwarto para makita si Rhaegar kung nananatiling tulog pa rin.

When I open the door of my room ay hindi ko naiwasang mapakurap kurap. Mabilis na tumapon ang dalawang mata ko sa sofa na tinulugan ni Rhaegar kagabi at nakitang malinis at maayos na nakatiklop ang kumot at nakasalansan ang dalawang unan sa sofa.

Maaga siyang nagising? Agad kong inilibot ang aking paningin sa paligid para hanapin kung nasaan siya. Wala siya sa buong salas kaya tinungo ko ang kusina ngunit wala rin akong naabutan doon kundi ang umagahang pagkain na siguro ay siya ang naghanda.

I get a glass of water and have it drink. Nasa’n kaya siya? Bakit ang aga naman niya ata na nagising?

Nang bigla akong makaramdam ng pananakit ng ulo at bahagyang pagkahilo, na pakiramdan ko ay babaliktad ang aking sikmura ay mabilis akong pumunta ng sink.

Maluha luha kong pinunasan ang aking mga mata nang mahimasmasan at tinungong muli ang lamesa para uminom ng tubig. Nung nakaraang linggo ay halos ganito rin ang nangyayari ngunit nawala rin naman kalaunan. Ipinapahinga ko lang ang sarili marahil sa sobrang pagod at stress sa mga iniisip. Pakiramdam ko rin ay magkakasakit ako kahit na hindi naman.

Suminghap pa muna ako bago napagpasiyahang maglakad patungong salas para lumabas ng teresa at nagbabakasakaling makita si Rhaegar na naroon. Ngunit nagsalubong ang aking dalawang kilay at bahagyang naningkit ang mga mata kong makitang wala roon ang kaniyang sasakyan na nakaparada lang dito kagabi.

Nasaan ang Range Rover niya? Ipinarada niya pa iyon dito kagabi ah. Bumaba ako ng teresa at inilibot ko ang tingin sa malawak na bakuran ngunit kahit ni anino niya ay wala akong nakita.

Naramdaman kong mabilis akong nakaramdam ng kirot sa aking dibdib at bumilis ang tibok ng aking puso.

Umalis na siya? Sabi niya kagabi sa akin ay hindi siya aalis hangga’t hindi ako kasama? But now he’s gone and leaves my place without saying any goodbye?

Bakit Ria? Ikaw ba nagawa mong magpaalam sa kaniya nung umalis ka at iwanan siya no’n? Hindi ba at nagawa mo pa ngang ipinagtatabuyan siya kagabi? Tapos ngayong nakaalis na siya ay saka ka maghahanap sa taong wala na.

I feel disappointed about my thoughts. Yes, I admit that I said something bad to him, that’s because that’s what I know is right. And now that I knew I was wrong too, I want to see him and talk to him. I want to clear things and say sorry to him.

I want to tell him that we are feeling the same way. That he is right, that our family shouldn’t have to say on us anymore because it’s our relationship we are trying to keep and save.

My vision before until last night was vague about the family’s opinion and decision for ourselves. We may have different kinds of the family but every parent only wanted what is best for their children. I won’t erase that phrase because that is what’s parents’ nature. But I realize that not all their decision they made for us, can do good to us.

Because in their point of view, their opinion should voice out and that is what they want us to become. And that is what they knew is best for us. But little didn’t they know, sometimes it wasn’t from our point of view. They might find it best for the sake of us but what about our view towards it? We may find it ill and very supervision but we cannot blame them.

They are still our parents, and all their aspiration was the betterment of their children.

But in my grandpa’s manner, he hasn’t been that great to me but I know he has the subtle heart. Nagawan niya man ako ng maling mga desisyon pero alam kong iyon ay dahil sa hindi niya ako matanggap. I had known and feel that he is hurt as well. And it’s hurting me more every time I saw his eyes in agony whenever he saw me.

I’m his reasons for having their lives turn to this. And I understand why he seems so ferocious on me. I am the trigger to him. Kaya mabuti na rin siguro na dito nalang ako manatili at hindi na sila balikan pa.

Sinubukan kong hanapin si Rhaegar sa buong paligid ngunit halos mahilo lang ako kakahanap sa kaniya. Nakasarado rin ang gate na hindi ko maintindihan kung paano iyong nangyari lalo na ngayong wala ang sasakyan niya rito sa loob ng bakuran.

Mabigat ang loob at malakas na buntong-hininga ang pinakawalan ko na naglakad papasok ng bahay. Umalis na nga siya at hindi rin naman pala siya magtatagal.

Baka hindi naman totoo ang mga sinabi niya sa akin kagabi. Ako na naman itong nagpapaniwala sa magaganda niyang sinabi. I always get blinded to it.

Tumungo ako ng kusina at naupo sa upuan sa lamesa at inalis ko ang takip ng mga pagkaing hinain niya para sa akin bago siya umalis.

Babalik pa kaya siya? Baka may pinuntahan lang kaya maagang umalis?

I sighed when I realize that I’m hoping for his return.

“Morning,”

Halos tumilapon ang isang mangkok ng kanin na hawak hawak ko nang marinig ko ang malaki at malalim niyang boses mula sa aking likuran. Napakagat labi ako at naging mabilis ang aking paghinga.

He’s here… I thought he’s gone. I thought he will go away after what happened last night.

Tumungo siya sa harapan ng aking upuan sa lamesa dahilan para masilayan kong siya nga talaga iyong narinig kong magsalita sa likuran ko.

He’s shirtless and I saw how his sweat moist on his chiseled chest and muscular arms nang makaupo siya sa aking harapan. His thick jet black hair was now a bit damp, disheveled a bit that makes him look prettier and hot.

I swallowed hard when I felt that he noticed my long stares on his body. Nagbaba ako ng tingin at naglagay ng kanin sa aking pinggan. Pakiramdam ko tuloy ay marami akong makakain ngayong umaga.

“Akala ko umalis ka na,” mayamaya ay ani ko nang hindi siya binabalingan ng tingin.

Nararamdaman ko namang pinapanood niya ang ginagawa ko. He didn’t speak so I have checked on him and when our eyes locked on each other, I saw how he stares at me astonishedly and pissed at the same time.

“I told you, I won’t leave this place without you, Aiden.” He said darkly.

I licked and bit my lower lip as I looked away, focusing my eyes on the food and not on him.

“Nasaan yung sasakyan mo? Bakit nawala sa labas?” I asked him again, flatly and normally.

“I send it home,”

Nag-angat ako sa kaniya ng tingin. “Eh, nasaan ka kanina?”

Tanong ko dahil hindi ko naman siya nakita sa bakuran kanina at wala na rin ang sasakyan niya, kaya naisipan kong baka umalis na nga siyang talaga.

His eyes were now brooding and his thin ruddied lips twisted, he then licked his lower lip then bit it a sudden. Making me notice that he’s hiding a ghost of a smile.

He arched his brow on me. “Why Aiden, did you look out for me?” He inquired with a glint of the beam on his gray eyes.

My eyes widen a fraction and my mouth left in half-open like I’m searching for the right words to say in coping up my expression.

“N-No, I w-was just checking if you completely leave this place or not. Baka hinihintay ka na ni Briana-”

“Cut that crap, Aiden. No one will buy Briana as your reason to me. I told you already, I’m not engaged with her. We were not together. Stop insisting on it, I only want you. There is no one but only you, Aiden.” He muttered with his voice deep and large.

My heart began to beat rapidly as I blinked then looked away from his deep and serious glares on me.

It’s fluttering and hearing him saying that, makes my heart float in the air and throbs wildly on fire as he flares me with his sincerity of words. He was so good at expressing his feelings to me. He was so good at making me feel intimidated and frightening but at the same time, I admire him for it.

“I’m sorry,” tangi kong naiusal kalaunan.

Inangat ko sa kaniya ang aking mga mata at nakita ko kung paanong mag-igting ang kaniyang panga. He eyed me, narrowed. His eyes seem to wait for me to utter more words. Napakurap kurap ako at matamlay ang mga mata kong binalingan siyang muli.

“You’re right. I’m sorry about, pressuring you about your family’s condition for you. I shouldn’t say that-”

“No, it’s okay. I understand you,”

Umiling naman ako. “You have your own life and so I am. We are off age to decide on our own. And our parents were just there to guide us in making a decision. But this time it’s us who should make it. We are responsible for it. We may do it wrong but the significance is that we learned from it. Hindi lahat ng alam nilang makakabuti para sa atin ay nasisigurado nilang ikalulugod natin. And I understood what you said, I’m sorry for straining you to indulge in what they want you to do. I’m sorry for…not holding on, like I promised me to be.” I drawled.

His lips were grim but his eyes weren’t menacing anymore. He didn’t say a word, remained staring at me softly.

Then the white towel he was holding now on his broad shoulder caught my attention. He looked away at me and dried himself. Nagbaba nalang ako ng tingin sa aking kinakain.

Galit ba siya sa akin? Hanggang ngayon ba ay naiinis siya sa ginawa kong paglayo? But he’s here for me, it does mean that he tries to forgive me as he heard my apologies now.

Hindi ko muna sinimulan ang pagkain dahil gusto ko ay makasabay siya. Tumayo kasi siya at umalis saglit patungong salas at pagbalik ay ngayo’y nakadamit na ng plain na puting t-shirt. He looked fresh even he just only put on his clothes.

Gaya nang nangyari kagabi ay tahimik pa rin kami sa hapag. But I tried to strike up a conversation to kill the awkwardness of silence in between us. 

“I…actually looked out for you earlier.” Pag-amin ko sa kaniya kalaunan. Nasa akin naman na ngayon ang mga mata niya nakatuon.

“I was in the backyard. I get fond of your plants. Ikaw ba nagtanim non?” Mayamaya ay sagot niya na hindi ko inasahan.

“O-Oo, tinutulungan din ako ni Lola. Yung ibang pananim lang ang akin dahil kay Lola na ang iba.”

Nagbaba ang mata niya sa aking katawan at nag-angat muli sa aking mukha.

“About my car, I have my people to send it back home. Your grandfather might know about my presence here, I can’t risk you Aiden.” His voice became stern this time.

“Did…he know that you are here?”

“No, the engagement is called off. It never happened. But I doubt that if your grandpa knows about my whereabouts… I can’t risk you.” He just said languidly.

“Kelan ka luluwas ng Manila? You have a company to care about.” I asked him, worried.

“When do you want to come with me?”

My eyes popped out. Napakurap ako at saka nag-iwas sa kaniya ng tingin.

“I…don’t want to go back.”

“Then I won’t be back either.” He drawled.

“But Rhaeegar-”

“Hindi ako aalis, Aiden. Kung ayaw mo pang umalis edi ako rin. If you don’t want to come back anymore and you want to live your life here, then we will live our life here together.” He said like it was final to him.

Hindi naman ako makapaniwalang tiningnan siya dahil sa kaniyang mga sinabi. Pakiramdam ko ay sasabog na ang dibdib ko sa malakas na pagkabog ng puso ko dahil sa mga sinasabi niya.

“If you are not fine with it, then deal with me, Aiden.” He licked his lower lip after he said that.

He leans on the table. Glancing at me, longingly and adorably with his serious stares.

I only then pursed my lips when I felt that it was the dead end. Hindi siya aalis hanggang hindi niya ako kasama. Pakiramdam ko kasi ay mas maganda at mas nagustuhan ko ang katahimikan sa lugar na ito. Here is where I planted my plants that therapeutic me. The fresh air and cold-hot breeze of wind. The night sky has a more twinkling star at night than in a city.

Sa palagay ko rin ay nagustuhan ko na rin ang lugar na ito. Ang lumang simpleng bahay na ito. I feel like it’s where my real home is. The warm welcoming feeling and comfortable, made me at ease every time.

Nang dumating si Lola pagkatapos naming mag-agahan ay nadatnan niya kaming dalawa ni Rhaegar na nasa likod bahay at tinitingnan ang mga halamang tanim.

“Nadiligan na po pala ang mga tanim, La.” Ani ko kay Lola nang makalapit sa amin.

“Nadiligan mo na, Ria? Bakit hindi mo ako hinintay nang sa gano’y may katulong ka.”

“Hindi po ako Lola, si Rhaegar nga po pala. Siya po yung nagdilig ng mga halaman. Mas maaga po siyang nagising sa akin kanina.” Tiningnan ko si Rhaegar na nakatayo sa aking tabi.

Nakita ko naman kung paanong pagmasdan ni Lola si Rhaegar nang may mapanuring mga mata gaya nung unang kita ko sa kaniya noon.

“Good morning po,” Rhaegar uttered to her.

“Ikaw ba yung gwapong binata na bisita ni Ria kahapon?”

Napakagat labi naman ako sa sinabi ni Lola. Well, he is really handsome as well as extremely hot yesterday especially this morning, he’s extra hot for me.

“Ako nga po,” Rhaegar muttered deeply.

He was serious and I can’t help myself from admiring him more. His expression was so nice in my view. He was just so tangible in my sight that I can’t almost believe that this man towering me, wants me…loves me.

“Nobyo ka ba nitong si Ria, hijo?” Nawala ang atensyon ko kay Rhaegar at bumaling kay Lola.

“Lola,” pagtawag ko sa kaniya dahil bigla akong nakaramdam ng ilang.

Binalingan ako ni Lola at nagtatanong ang mga matang nakatunghay sa akin ngayon.

“Opo, Lola. I’m Ria’s boyfriend.”

Mabilis akong nag-angat ng tingin kay Rhaegar. He gazes at me but his expression was just flatly nothing. Like he said it in a very normal way. Nakaramdam naman ako ng pag-init ng aking mukha dahil don.

“Saan ka natulog kagabi? Nagsama ba kayo sa iisang kwarto-” I cutted off Lola’s words.

“H-Hindi po Lola, sa salas po siya natulog kagabi,” I said to her, assuringly.

Naningkit naman ang seryosong mga mata ni Lola sa akin.

“Dito ako matutulog ngayong gabi. Umalis din kasi ngayon sila Bugoy kasama ang pamilya. Ayos lang ba sa iyo ’yon, Ria?”

Naramdaman ko ang mabilis na pagbaling ni Rhaegar ng tingin sa akin kahit na hindi ko siya tiningnan nang sabihin iyon ni Lola sa amin.

“Gano’n po ba, La. Sigi po, wala po ’yong problema sa akin. Sa kwarto ko na po kayo matulog mamayang gabi.” I said then I immediately heard Rhaegar’s groaned beside me.

Napatingin ako sa kaniya at gano’n din si Lola.

“Sigi, hija. Yung isang silid ba sa tabi ng iyong kwarto, pwedeng doon mo nalang patuluyin ang nobyo mo ngayong gabi at sa mga susunod pa.”

“Ayos na po ako sa salas sa sofa Lola at isa pa, ngayong gabi lang naman po-” I cutted off Rhaegar’s statement.

“Hindi ko pa po nalilinisan ang kwartong iyon. Pero sigi po, that room can be used in the meantime. Titingnan ko po mamaya La,” ani ko at binalingan si Rhaegar ng mariing mga tingin.

He just arched his brow on me before he walked away.

Iniwan ko si Rhaegar don sa likod kasama si Lola dahil may ilang mga lupa siyang pinabubungkal sa kaniya. Tumulong naman si Rhaegar habang ako ay nagpaalam muna sa kanilang bibisitahin ang isang silid para maumpisahan ko na rin ang pag-aayos niyon para may matulugan si Rhaegar ngayong gabi.

Kinuha ko ang isang spare key ng kwarto ko na katulad lang din ng sa aking kwarto. Pagkabukas ko ng pintuan ay mabilis akong napatakip ng aking ilong dahil sa nagkakapalang alikabok. Kung tutuusin ay mas maalikabok ang silid na ito kaysa sa silid ko na ginagamit ko na ngayon.

The room has also the same bed I have in my room. The window was closed at iyon ang una kong nilapitan para buksan. This room was just like identical to my room as well. Same cabinets, bed, and carpeted floor. But the carpet here wasn’t spread on the floor that makes this different. And some things stocked on the corner of this room. 

Maraming gamit ring nakasalansan sa gilid ng mga pader. Inumpisahan kong alisin ang mga unan at punda nito. The bedsheet was full of dust at halos siponin ako kakabahing nang ilabas ko iyon. I firstly get the things I can lift outside. At nang ang kama ay balak ko ng buhatin ay napabaling ako kay Rhaegar na biglang sumungaw sa pintuan. Pumasok siya at tiningna ang mga gamit na natitira pa dahil hindi ko pa nailalabas.

“I’ll help you, ako na ang magbubuhat ng mga dapat ilabas.” He volunteered.

Itinuro ko sa kaniya ang mga dapat niyang ilabas. Ako naman ay kumuha ng tambo at pang-agiw sa kisame. Habang labas masok si Rhaegar sa kwarto at kinukuha ang mga gamit ay ako naman ay inumpisahan na ang pagpupunas ng mga maalikabok na kagamitan.

And when he has finally done putting some things outside ay narinig kong tawagin siya ni Lola sa likuran at mukhang may ipagagawa muli sa kaniya. Mabuti na rin pa lang narito siya para may katulong kami sa mabibigat na gawain. I mopped the floor then after I clean the whole place that full of dust earlier na ngayo’y wala na ay tinungo ko na ang dalawang malapad na kahoy na kabinet.

Kamukha iyon ng sa akin ngunit mas malapad at malaki nga lang ito. Inuna ko ang sa isang hindi naman sobrang kalakihan na kabinet. Natagpuan ko ron ang ilan pang mga pillowcases na matagal na ring naka-stock at ganon din sa mga blankets at the curtain. Inilabas ko lang ang ilang lalabhan ko para magamit dito sa kwarto mamayang gabi.

At nang sa malaking kabinet na ang bubuksan ko ay nagtaka ako nang hindi ko iyon mabuksan. Tiningnan at sinuri ko pa iyon, marahil ay nakapad-lock ito.

Nang ilibot ko ang aking paningin sa paligid ay malinis naman na ang silid. Ngunit may kung ano sa aking gustong mabuksan itong malaking kabinet. At nang mapansin ko ang isang maliit na gawa sa kahoy na lamesa sa gilid ng kama ay nilapitan ko iyon. There was also an old lamp na hindi na rin nagana sa kalumaan.

May drawer ang lamesang iyon kaya binuksan ko at may nakita akong ilang mga gamit roon. It was a thing of a woman. There was a gold earring and a necklace there and it was covered inside the black box. It was real.

Sino naman kaya ang may-ari nito? At nang kuhain ko ang kwintas para tingnan ay nakita ko ang susi roon na naiwan sa loob ng kahon. Kinuha ko iyon at sinuri. At nang maisip na susi iyon ng kabinet ay mabilis ko iyong sinubukan at nagulat ako nang gumana iyon at bumukas ang kabinet.

Nakita ko ang loob nito na puno ng magagarang damit na pambabae. May ilan ding mga panlalaki na nakatupi sa ibaba ng dresser. May ilang alahas din dito na katulad nang nasa side table ng kama kanina. Inilagay ko ron ang kwintas at hikaw na nakuha ko at isinama ron.

Kay Lola ata itong mga gamit na ito at kay Lolo noong dito pa sila nananatili noon. Pero ang sabi naman sa akin ni Lola ay sila Dad at ang nakakatandang kapatid lang daw nito ang laging tumutungo rito tuwing araw ng bakasyon.

Nang yumukod ako nang bahagya at mapansin ang isang kahon na nasa bandang ibaba at nakasuksok sa pinaka dulo na natatabunan ng ilang mga damit ay inabot ko iyon.

It was an old vintage rustic box. Kakaiba iyon dahil walang padlock o kahit na ano para buksan. Simple at sakto lang ang laki nito na parang isang libro.

I sat on the chair near the bed and put the box on my lap. Nang salatin ko iyon ay napansin kong tinutulak pala ang nasa ibabaw nitong harang na kahoy patagilid para mabuksan at makita ang nasa loob. I slide the rustic wood and my eyebrows are raised in what’s inside.

Marahan kong kinuha ang mga lumang envelope na naroon. It was a box that full of old letters. Hindi ko iyon ginalaw at ang tanging nakapukaw ng atensyon ko ay ang isang lumang litrato.

Kinuha ko iyon at nakita ang larawan ng isang lalaki at babae. The guy in the picture was towering over the woman and he has a nice built. His features made me remember my dad. He looks like my dad actually but they are not like a carbon copy. And the woman beside him was so beautiful. She’s not that petite and her face was so beautiful. But she looks so young in here.

“Ria? Manananghalian na tayo, halika na.” Narinig kong ani Lola mula sa pintuan. Kumatok siya bago niya iyon binuksan at pumasok sa loob.

Napatingin ako sa kaniya at nakitang ang mga mata niyang nasa akin nakadapo ay mabilis na tumapon sa litratong hawak hawak ko.

“Ano iyan, hija?” Tanong niya sa akin kalaunan habang nilalakad ang aking gawi.

“Litrato po, La. Nakuha ko po ito sa kabinet kanina. Nakikilala niyo po ba kung sino ang mga ito?”

Nang makalapit siya sa akin ay naupo siya sa aking tabi. Inilapit ko sa kaniya ang litrato upang mas malinaw niya itong makita.

“Si Corbray iyan, hija. Siya ang nakakatandang kapatid ng iyong ama. Kaya kung mapapansin mo ay may pagkakahawig sila ni Baryden.” Nakita ko ang ngiting sumilay sa labi ni Lola nang sabihin niya iyon.

Kaya pala may pagkakahawig sila ni Daddy. But his older brother was more rugged and serious-looking than my dad.

“Sino naman po ’yung babae, Lola?”

“Iyan ang kasintahan ng iyong tiyuhin noon. Tagarito lang din iyan noon ngunit nang magsama ang dalawang iyan ay roon na sila nanatili sa Maynila. Simula nang pumanaw si Corbray ay hindi ko na rin siya nasilayan. Nakakalungkot mang alalahanin ay naging mahirap din at kumplikado ang sitwasyon ng dalawang magkasintahan na iyan.” Nabakas ko ang lungkot sa boses ni Lola nang sabibin niya iyon.

Kahit man ako ay nakaramdam ng pagkabahala at lumbay sa sinabi niya. Ngayon ko lang nakita ang litrato ng kapatid ni Dad at ang malaman ang maagang pagkamatay nito dahil sa isang insidente ay mas lalo kong ikinalungkot. Dad must be so strong to accept that his brother is totally gone. Kaya kahit na makita ko siya noong umiiyak at umiinom sa gabi noong bata pa ako tuwing nag-aaway sila ni Tita Vera ay alam kong umiiyak siya dahil kay Tito Corbray. Because he usually get drunk and says about his brother. On how good his brother is.

“Halika na hija, naghihintay na rin ang iyong nobyo sa hapag kainan. Baka nababagot na iyon sa tagal natin ditong dalawa.” Ani Lola na tumayo na sa kaniyang pagkakaupo.

“Mauna na po kayo, Lola Sita. Liligpitin ko lang po ito at susunod na rin po ako.” I then said at tanging tango lang ang ibinigay niya sa akin bago tuluyang lumabas ng silid.

I took a glance at the picture once again before I put it back inside the box. I will keep it at ipapakita ko ito kay Dad para kapag maayos na ang lagay niya at nakauwi na siya ng Pilipinas, matutuwa siya kapag nakita niya ito.

Kabanata 31

Kabanata 31

Savored

Rhaegar slept in the other room while Lola was in my room, beside my bed. I’m still awake and I can’t find my proper space to sleep. I feel bothered and even I’m exhausted the whole day, ay hindi ako mararamdaman antok.

Nakatagilid ako yakap ang isang unan at nakatitig sa kawalan. Nagtagal sa isip ko ang nakitang litrato kanina. Hindi ako mapakali sa tuwing iisipin ko kung ano ang nararamdaman ni Dad nang mawala si Tito Corbray. Pano naman kaya si Lolo? Kaya ba naging malamig ang trato niya sa kahit na kanino ay dahil dito? And what about my grandma? She’s probably the most affected here.

Imagining how it happened back then, hurts me. It must be so tragic in our family.

I let a soft sigh then turn on the other side of the bed. Nang hindi pa rin ako nakaramdam ng antok ay maingat akong bumangon ng kama para hindi magising si Lola sa aking tabi. Bumaba ako ng aking kama at naglakad palabas ng aking silid.

Pagkatungtong ko ng salas ay tahimik ang buong paligid. Napatingin ako sa pintuan na katabi ng aking kuwarto. Nilapitan ko iyon at tumayo ako sa harapan ng pinto.

Is he asleep? Then I took a glance at the wall clock near the way towards the kitchen of the house. It’s quarter to midnight and I still awake. Siya kaya…tulog na?

I lift my hand to give him a knock but then my mind intervenes so I halted. I shouldn’t garble him at this hour. Baka kung ano nalang ang isipin niya. Also, what if he’s asleep, ayaw ko siyang magising.

Napasinghap ako at saka nagbaba ng tingin sa sahig. Babalik nalang ako ng kuwarto ko. Pahakbang na sana ako paalis nang may marinig akong boses mula sa loob ng kaniyang kwarto.

Tumigil ako saglit at pinakinggang muli kung sa kaniya nga ba nanggagaling. Then when I neared myself at the door of his room my brows arched as I heard him spoke inside.

The door was a huge thick wood and I don’t understand why I can hear him inside even his voice was just almost a whisper in my hearing.

I didn’t plan to eavesdrop nor to listen to whom he talks with but when his words caught my attention, I intently focused my attention on what he is asserting.

“How is that happen? Theron might track it down. Zion can assist and oversee the company for me in the meantime while I’m taking my business here myself… Yes, it is important than anything else, Dad.”

I heard him paused. His voice is rigid to my ears.

“I heard about it. I can take care of myself and… Aiden, she’s fine here with me. Huwag na kayong magpadala ng mga tauhan dahil baka matunugan ng mga De Laughrey na nandito ako. Wait what?-”

Mas inilapit ko pa ang aking tainga sa pintuan nang magtaka ako sa mga sinasabi ni Rhaegar sa akin. Why does he need to take care of me? Am I not safe here alone? And why is it sounds like his Dad will gonna send our guards?

“It didn’t reach my sources. Kelan pa dumating si Mr. De Laughrey? The senior of the De Laughrey’s must be feeling the power this time now that his son is back.”

Namilog ang mga mata ko sa sinabi niya. I gulped and I felt myself paused in breathing. Is it Dad he is referring to? Bumalik na si Dad?

“Hindi ko sigurado kung kelan ako babalik. But for now, this is where I’ll stay.”

Tumalikod na ako sa pintuan ni Rhaegar at hindi na siya pinakinggan pa. My thoughts began to drown and I can’t stop it from embedding me down.

Dad is back… I waited for him for a long time. Even I’m not sure if he’s totally fine but I assume he’s getting better. He came back home. That phrase never leaves my head.

It’s a feeling of laying down on a cloud with a warm feeling knowing that my dad is home. I feel warmth in spite of not seeing him yet. On the ground that knowing him back, is quite good pleasant to my ear. It gave me peace that I will be finally seeing him.

His presence that I haven’t seen for months. His wisdom and solace that I yearned for a long time. It’s the love of a parent I will never get tired of having.

I go back to my room and tried to shut my eyes to get lost in a doze.

Tanging pananabik lang ang nararamdaman ko ng gabing iyon at nang umagang gumising ako kinaumagahan. Kakaiba at may ginhawa sa aking dibdib na gustong malaman kay Rhaegar kung tama ba ang aking narinig kagabi.

I can actually have it confirmed to Leigh if Dad is really at home but then I remember that my sim card wasn’t able to send a text at this time. It was disabled for almost weeks for the reason that I didn’t use my phone.

“Oh? Mukhang maaga ka atang nagising, Ria?” Si Lola na naabutan akong naghahain ng pagkain sa hapag.

I smiled at her, genuinely. I feel so light today. Siguro ay dahil sa kaalamang nakauwi na si Dad sa amin.

“Goodmorning po, maupo na po kayo, pinagtimpla ko po kayo ng kape.” 

“Salamat hija. Nga pala ay uuwi na rin ako ngayong umaga at susunduin ako ni Bugoy. Siguro ay mayamayang pagkatapos natin sa mga halaman sa likuran.” Ani Lola na nakaupo na ngayon sa hapag at dinaluhan ko ng mainit na kapeng tinimpla ko para sa kaniya.

“Gano’n po ba, ayos lang po. Baka hinahanap na rin po kayo ng mga apo niyo.” I responded politely.

She then drew a smile on her lips.

“Siguro nga. Kahit sandali lang akong mawala at magtungo rito ay lagi pa rin silang sabik na makita ako. Nakakatuwa at ganon kababait na lumaki ang mga apo ko.”

Ang ngiting nakaguhit sa aking mga labi ay nabitin. At biglang sumagi sa aking isipan ang aking Lola. She was the very heartwarmingly woman I ever know. She’s benevolent and has this soft air whenever you are around her. She won’t let you feel like you’re an outcast instead you will felt like in foster.

“Ikaw ba hija, hindi mo ba balak na bisitahin ang iyong Lolo? Matagal ka na ring narito at halos mag-iisang buwan na rin. Baka namimi-miss ka na rin non kahit na papa’no.”

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin kay Lola Sita at saka ngumiti ng hindi umaabot sa aking mga mata. Dumapo lang muli ang aking paningin sa kaniya nang maramdaman kong hawakan niya ang aking kamay na nakapatong sa lamesa.

Lola Sita stared at me enlightened. The side of her eyes wrinkled when her lips plastered a curve for a smile.

“Hindi ko man alam ang dahilan mo kung bakit ka nananatili rito, basta lagi mong tandaan na dapat laging bukal ang puso nating magpatawad. Kaming mga matatanda na ay kaunti na lamang ang oras sa mundo. Hindi man kami nagsasabi ng aming mga nararamdaman sa inyong mga apo o anak namin ay hangad pa rin naming bigyan niyo kami ng pansin. Nakakataba iyon sa puso, hija.” Her eyes glint with overwhelmed of gratefulness.

Si Lolo kaya ay ganon din ang nararamdaman? Did he even miss me? Even the fact that he’s the one who tossed me here in this place. 

I’m not mad nor feeling hatred towards his treatment of me. What I can only say and admit I am feeling towards it, was that being left out about everything we had for all these years. My grandpa, I never see him subtle towards anybody else.

Neither in me, but a flip of a coin, I still feel that he also has cared. He just suppresses it with anger and disappointment of the past.

Nang tumapon ang aking paningin kay Rhaegar na nasa hamba ng pintuan at nakatingin sa akin ay tipid ko siyang nginitian. Mukhang kanina pa siya nandon na nakatayo at pinapanood ako.

Aamba na sana ako na lapitan siya nang unahan niya akong maglakad at tunguhin ang pwesto ko. He paused in front of me then give me a peck of a kiss on my cheek that I felt something dripped in my spine.

Napapalunok at pakiramdam ko ay pinamumulahan na ako ng pisngi habang nakatingin sa kaniya. Lola is just in front of us and I feel awkward about it.

He then glared at me intently. His pondering gray eyes darted as I noticed his disheveled jet black hair that makes him looked so hot. My hand was holding on to his biceps while I look up at him.

“Morning,” he said in a deep husky morning growled.

I bit my lower lip. Gumilid ang aking mga mata sa gawi ni Lola para tingnan kung nakatingin ba siya sa aming dalawa. At nang makitang hindi kami nito pinapansin kahit nasa harapan lang namin siya ay agad akong bumaling kay Rhaegar, na hindi ko namalayang nakahapit na pala ang kaniyang braso sa aking likuran.

“Good morning,” I said to him in almost a whisper.

Saglit pa kaming nagtitigan bago kami tuluyang maghiwalay sa isa’t isa nang marinig namin si Lola na tumikhim sa aming harapan.

“Mag-umagahan na muna tayo, mamaya na ’yan pag-alis ko.” Lola Sita then said to us.

Hindi ako makatingin kay Rhaegar dahil don. Tahimik akong naupo sa tabi ni Lola habang ramdam ko naman ang mga titig niya sa akin.

Ilang sandali pa at nang matapos kaming mag-umagahan ay nagtungo na rin si Lola sa halamanan at isinama si Rhaegar. Ako naman ay naghugas ng mga pinggan at sumunod na rin sa kanila pagkaraan.

Naabutan ko si Rhaegar na nagtutulos ng ilang maliliit na kawayan sa palibot ng isang maliit na halaman. His broad back was facing me. Si Lola naman ay nasa kabilang banda at nagdidilig ng mga tanim na gulay. 

Napansin ni Rhaegar ang presensya ko sa kaniyang likuran kaya naman tumayo siya at hinarap ako. His hands were having some soil from palings the plant. I even noticed some bullets of sweat on the side of his forehead when he glanced at me. His hair was also a bit damp and the middle chest of his shirt as well.

Bahagya siyang lumapit sa akin at mabilis na binalot ng mabango niyang amoy ang aking ilong. He’s sweating bullets yet he smells so good. Napakagat labi ako ron at saka nagbaba ng tingin sa kaniyang dibdib na halos kapantay lang ng aking paningin.

“Dinidiligan na ni Lola yung mga halaman,” punto niya kay Lola na nasa malayong banda namin.

Napatingin ako ron at saka siya muling binalingan.

“Ako naman mamayang hapon ang magdidilig.” Ani ko.

“Tutulungan kita,” he muttered deeply.

His eyes never leaving mine while I can’t stare at it for long.

“May…dala nga pala akong face towel.” Mayamaya ay ani ko nang maalalang hawak ko nga pala ang puting face towel para sa kaniya.

Nagbaba ang mga mata niya ron at agad din namang nag-angat sa akin muli. He didn’t utter and just remain to stare at me deeply.

Napakurap kurap ako at umawang ang labi ko nang maisip na ibigay na lang iyon sa kaniya. Naglalaro ang isip ko na punasan ang kaniyang noo dahil wala naman sigurong masama ron dahil nasa isang relasyon naman kami. But then my nervousness stopping me.

“I-Ito oh,” I stutteringly took out my hand to give him the face towel.

Hindi niya iyon binabaan ng tingin at nananatili lang siyang nakatitig sa akin.

I felt my throat running dry each second I noticed how his glares darken in seriousness. I moisten my lower lip and bit it afterward.

But my eyes almost popped out when he crouched a bit so our faces neared. His eyes leveled on mine as his parted luscious lips caught my sight. I swallowed hard.

“Wipe my sweat, baby.” Then my heart pounded after those hoarsely words from him.

He then licked and bit his ruddy lips. It was distracting me but I manage to elicit my focus on his sweaty forehead and a bit damp hair. He really smells so good.

Iniangat ko ang bahagyang nanginginig na kamay ko at marahang idinikit ang face towel sa kaniyang noo. I directed my vision there and not on his intimidating eyes nor distracting twitching lips.

Pinunasan ko rin ang gilid ng kaniyang pisngi pababa sa kaniyang panga. His jaw was clean and sculpted perfectly. Then my hand with a face towel down to his neck, adam’s apple that protruded arrogantly in manliness.

“I love you, Aiden.” He huskily muttered which made me stop from drying his neck.

Our eyes locked with each other as my hand remains on his neck. His dimmed serious gray eyes pierced on me thoroughly.

His vision crawled down on my parted lips then stayed there for a while.

“I wanna kiss you so…so bad,” his voice hoarse.

Nang umangat ang kaniyang mga mata sa akin ay nakita ko kung paanong dumaan don ang adorasyon. His glares then darken more when I took another step near him. I gulped but still continue to take my face close to him. Our head was now inches away from each other. His hot breath met my cheeks as my sight almost cross-eye equaling his glares on me.

“Later, Rhaegar…” I mumbled then get the face towel and suddenly wiped his face that makes him grimaced and his brows furrowed on me.

I then smiled at him sweetly before I stepped back but I didn’t expect that his huge hand gripped my waist and pull it over his body. My hand instantly get into his chest like I was about to push him but I didn’t. I only just entangled my hands on his shirt when his face neared on me.

His eyes brooding and his lips tugged up, forming into a smirk.

“Damn baby, stop teasing me.” His voice was so deep and large in huskiness.

I took a glance on his parted lips before I uttered. “I’m not, Rhaegar,” I said breathily.

He then bit his lower lips and damp them sensually. His dark eyes locked on me.

“One wrong move, Aiden. I won’t stop myself from getting you instantly.” He said with a voice stern with controllable patience.

Ang mga mata naming naglalapat sa aming mga labi ay animong sabik na mahagkan ang isa’t isa. Nang maramdaman kong gumapang ang kamay niyang nakahapit sa aking baywang, down to my posterior. I gulped and shut my eyes tightly when I felt him clasped it.

At nang imulat ko ang aking mga mata ay nakita ko kung paanong gumalaw ang kaniyang panga at mas lalong magdilim kaniyang matang nakatingin sa akin.

Naramdaman kong mamungay ang aking mga mata pero nang bitiwan niya ako ay mabilis na nagsalubong ang aking dalawang kilay. His eyes weren’t menacing and it was in a serious scowl as he’s always sported.

I was about to protest but when I heard Lola’s voice behind me, I felt my body froze for a while.

“Hija, nandiyan na pala ang kuya Bugoy mo. Kadarating lang niya at ako’y mauuna na rin dahil mamamasada pa siya ngayong umaga.” Lola informed me.

Marahan kong hinarap ang gawi nito. “S-Sigi po, La. Ihahatid ko na po kayo sa labas.”

She nodded at me but I caught her glares on Rhaegar’s way. Napatingin din ako kay Rhaegar at nakita ang seryoso lang nitong mukha.

“Mauna na ako sa inyo, hijo. Ikaw na ang bahala rito kay, Ria. At wala ng iistorbo, pagpasensyahan mo na ako.” Lola then said and plastered a smile on her lips.

I bit my lip. Pakiramdam ko tuloy ay pinamumulahan na ako sa buong mukha dahil sa sinabi ni Lola.

“Sigi po, samahan ko na si Ria sa paghatid sa inyo.” He then politely responded.

Nagtungo muna kami sa may gripo upang makapaghugas ng kamay. At nang mapansin kong nadumihan rin ang aking likuran ay pinagpagan ko rin iyon. Rhaegar was eying me as I brush my back. And when my eyes caught his way he then clenched his jaw then dried his hand with a free towel near the sink.

At nang makarating kami sa gate ay naabutan namin si Kuya Bugoy don na naghihintay sa kaniyang tricycle. And when he saw our way he approached us.

“Ria, salamat sa pagpapatuloy kay Lola.” Unang ani Kuya sa amin.

“Wala ’yon kuya Bugoy. Masaya ako at may nakatabi ako sa pagtulog kagabi.” I replied.

He didn’t smile at me but his glares transfer to the man beside me.

“Nobyo mo ba siya?” Mayamaya ay tanong sa akin ni Kuya.

Napabaling naman ako kay Rhaegar. He also glanced at me. His eyes darken but when I looked away and faced Kuya Bugoy…

“Yes, kuya, he’s my boyfriend,” I said then glanced at Rhaegar who’s both brows on arched, shot up.

“Gano’n ba? Naku, pasensya na sa abala talaga-”

“Hindi kuya, ano ka ba ayos lang.”

Napakamot pa siya sa kaniyang batok at tiningnan si Rhaegar sa aking tabi.

“Mukhang ngayon lang din kayo nagkita. Ang tagal mo na ring narito at ngayon ka lang pinuntahan ng nobyo mo rito.”

Sinulyapan ko si Rhaegar na seryoso lang na nakatingin kay kuya Bugoy. Si Lola naman ay nasa aming harapan.

“O siya, Bugoy, halika na at may gagawin din ako sa atin. Huwag mo ng istorbohin ang dalawa.” Ani Lola sa aming harapan.

Napakagat labi naman ako. Nahihiya. At nang balingan ako ni Kuya Bugoy bago siya tuluyang sumakay ng kaniyang tricycle ay tipid ko siyang binigyan ng ngiti.

“Ayos lang kuya, promise. Masaya ako sa tuwing nakakasama ko si Lola. Salamat at pinapapunta mo siya rito at kahit papaano ay gumagaan ang pakiramdam ko.”

He smiled at me as well. “Oo ba, walang anuman iyon. Mauuna na rin ako at may pasada pa ako. Boss,” aniya sa akin at saka tumingin kay Rhaegar na nakita kong tanguan niya.

“Ingat po kayo, La. Bisita po kayo ulit,” ani ko sa kaniya na nasa loob na ng tricycle.

“Sa mga susunod na araw na hija. Dadalaw akong muli rito, salamat.”

Nginitian ko nalang si Lola at pinagmasdang umandar paalis ang tricycle na bumusina pa muna bago tuluyang umandar. At nang makalayo na iyon sa aming paningin ay binalingan ko si Rhaegar na pinagmamasdan na pala ako.

“Pasok na tayo sa loob,” ani ko.

Hindi siya nagsalita bagkus ay kinuha ang aking palapulsuhan at tinangay papasok sa loob ng gate at saka niya iyon mabilis na isinara.

He pushed me on the old rustic gate then suddenly grabbed my face for a kiss. I wasn’t even shocked that I even clung my arms on his nape. He kissed me subtle and very sensual but my lips wanted his rugged and very hot craving kisses.

At nang humiwalay siya sa aking mga labi ay namumungay na ang mga mata kong nakatingin sa kaniya. He licked his lower lip then his eyes darken as they bore on me intently.

“Damn, we’re on a freaking gate, Aiden.” He then huskily uttered.

Napalunok ako ron at saka hinawakan ang kaniyang pangang kanina ko pa nais mahawakan.

“L-Let’s go inside,” I stutteringly said, almost in a whisper.

Kung tutuusin ay wala rin namang dumadaan sa kalsadang mga sasakyan at wala rin akong kapitbahay kahit na malapit na bahay na matatanaw ay wala rin.

“We will,” he growled darkly at me.

Sinakop ng malaki at malakas niyang mga braso ang aking pang-upo at mabilis na hinuli ang aking mga labi. He was now walking while his lips sensually locked on mine. I felt how he was so gentle and very careful as he walked towards the terrace.

Hindi ko namalayang napihit na pala niya ang seradura ng pintuan at nasa loob na pala kami ngayon ng tahimik na bahay.

I then tilted my head for him to have more access to my neck as he started showering me his hot kisses that I longed to have. He was sucking and biting every bit of me. My hands clasped from his nape as I buried him more on mine.

And when I felt him lift me again and I took a glance at him, he stopped kissing me. 

“Let’s have a bath together,” he then drawled huskily.

Wala naman akong boses na nailabas dahil sa mga mata niyang nililiyo ako sa dilim.

We went inside the bathroom inside my room. But the moment he shut the door I immediately captivated his lips. He didn’t protest but instead his tongue protest in a battle like he was a knight in the field.

Buhat at saposapo pa rin niya ang aking pang-upo habang nilulunod namin ang aming mga sarili sa halik ng isa’t isa. I felt him put me down from his tight hold and pushed me a bit to lean on the cold marble wall of the bathroom.

He glared at me darkly before he corners my sides with his both hands on the wall. And there where his mouth caught me hungrily. He tastes so mint and so good to suck. Until I felt his hands begin to caress my stomach up to my breast.

I groaned softly when his hand cupped my mounds like it was some clay he started molding when he gets inside my shirt. He unclasped my bra and hastily pulled out my shirt when he finds it a hindrance. He freed my boobs as my tangible peaks showed on him. But he wasn’t getting enough to it. He kissed me again, hungrily, diverting my attention as he began to crawled his skillful fingers run through my pajamas.

I flinched when I feel his fingers teased my sensitive clit. His kisses converge the tingling sensation he was giving me while his hand started to rub my folds. I moaned and arched my back when I felt him entered his finger inside me. His hot wet mouth goes on my other breast as he started pacing his fingers on me.

“Ohh, Rhaegar…”

Napakapit ako sa kaniyang ulo na nasa aking dibdib. He sucked and nipped my hardened peaks while his other hand squeezed my other boob. It was so high and ecstatic of feeling as he blends his molds, kisses, suck, and pacing fingers at one time. He mastered it like he was a pro in me.

And when my churning abdomen felt it so haven it feels like I’m in a hollow phase. He stopped nipping and painting my breast when his eyes glared on me, watching me intently as he entered another more digit inside my sensitive clit and rocked it on me.

“Uhhh,” I can’t contain how it gave me great feelings that I vocal it out in a soft moan.

He was watching me with his serious deep and carnal desire eyes as he nonstop rocked his finger on my sensitive clit. And in no time I felt myself building up with the tingling sensation. My breathing started to heave as my chest waived with a familiar ecstatic that will about to come. He fastens the pace of his hand that making my mind fly away from my head.

Napakapit ako sa isa niyang braso at ilang sandali pa ay hindi ko na napigilan pa ang sarili. I gushed out the familiar sensation. I felt weak as I convulsed.

I saw him remove his shirt revealing his broad shoulder and muscled stomach that made me want to touch it. But when my hand flew on his abdomen I was consciously handing his manhood already. He was on the bulge from his shorts but still, I immediately caught the shaft of his manliness. I stroked it and he groaned at that. I made it another and twice masterly.

He then held my hand stopping me from stroking him. He was still in shorts but because of his impressively massive long tool, it’s clearly visible that I can get on touching him.

“I’m gonna cum, baby. Not that fast, not in your hand.” He said deeply erotic.

He then disrobes his shorts that spread his massive strong legs that I will straddle when he immediately lifts me on air. Then his long massive tool never lies on its bulge. It is even made me gulped in huge as I glanced at it sprang free on my thighs.

“Rhaegar,” I said breathily when his manhood touched my sensitive clit.

I was throbbing rapidly when he immediately scooped my bottom and pushed my back on the wall of the bathroom. He was rugged when his hot kisses began again to reduce me. I moved my hips and straddled my legs on his waist.

I felt the shower on as I started to feel his manhood slip inside my very sensitive clitoris. The rain-like water poured on our both naked bodies as I arched my back when his huge tool when he completely filled my entrance.

He was so huge that I can feel how his shaft hit my spot in just one sudden thrust. It’s wrecking my mind and thought that making me lost all my senses. He then moved himself inside me, stronger like how the water dripped down on our bodies.

I clung my right hand to his nape as my other left hand gripping his huge muscled arms. He was watching me as he thrust on me roughly. His eyes darken with erotic desire and passion.

“I love you, Aiden. Fucking love you,” he then muttered and burried his long tool in a sudden stance, dominantly. That made my mouth dropped in a big O in so much pleasure it had.

Then he after pulled himself and burried on my sensitive clit ones again, but this time, continuously and nonstop that twisting every bit of my organs. I feel shocked that my body almost squirmed in every bump of our skin, by his every sudden deep pound on my insides. He was getting so intense and rough that his huge massive tool perfectly slammed all my right spots.

“I-I love you too, Rhaegar…” I said that makes him more darken and strike himself hammering on me.

My growls became nonstop when his body never let a second pass without hitting on me perfectly. The familiar building sensation is dripping on my hollow pit stomach again as he became rougher and stronger this time.

My back brushed on the cold marble wall as I began to dagger my nails on his back. Napayakap ako sa kaniya nang mas bilisan pa niya ang pag-ulos sa aking kaibuturan.

“Fuck! baby I’m coming.” He groaned, lost and darkly.

And when the water from the shower dripped on me and fully damped our skin. My body quivered in the converge of his propulsion deep thrust. I purr for the feeling I cannot contain anymore. And then when I felt him poured me inside, planted me a hot seed that also dripped down on my thighs, making me feel like it was the haven of pleasure he is giving me.

Panting and catching air to breathe, my head lie down on his shoulder. I then felt him burried his face on my neck, breathing like he started to regain himself. He didn’t pull out his massive tool. He remained inside me, penetrating and comforting inside.

“I wanna go back, Rhaegar. I will go back with you” I then said as the sound of the pouring water on us filled the walls.

I then felt him planted soft kisses on my neck before he uttered.

“We will, I only just waiting for you,” he said in a husky voice.

“I missed my Dad, I heard you last night talking over the phone. I wasn’t mean to listen but when you get caught my attention, I then listen. Is it…my Dad you are saying is back?” I asked him.

Nananatili akong nakayuko sa kaniyang balikat habang nakasandal ang aking noo sa kaniya.

“Yes, baby. Your father is back.”

Kahit na natuwa ako kagabi nang malaman iyon ay iba pa rin ang tuwang nararamdaman ko nang kumpirmahin niya iyon sa akin. My dad…is at home. I can’t wait to see and hugged him.

“I-Is he alright now?” Tanong ko sa kaniya.

“Hmm, I don’t know, baby. But for sure he is, dahil hindi naman siguro siya uuwi kung hindi. Don’t worry about it, he’s good.” He then muttered hoarsely, still planting a soft tingling kiss on my neck.

Inalis ko ang pagkakasandal ng aking noo sa kaniyang balikat at gan’on din siya mula sa aking leeg. Naglapat ang aming mga noo at paningin sa isa’t isa. Naramdaman kong patayin niya ang rumaragasang tubig sa aming dalawa.

“I missed him…so much Rhaegar.” Ani ko at ipinikit ang aking mga mata habang dinadama ang init ng kaniyang katawan sa akin.

“I know. When will you want to get home?” He then asked me huskily.

“What about tomorrow?”

He didn’t speak for a while. Seems like he was thinking of it first.

“Okay… But let’s savor this day for us Aiden. Let’s enjoy this day together. I want to have you more. Let me kissed and bit you. I missed having this kind of breakfast with you. And I want lunch and dinner with the same course of you, baby.” His voice deepens as it sounds hoarse.

Then I started feeling his tool getting huge and massive inside me again. This time we let ourselves enjoyed and savor the moment of us two.

It was the rough and very strong passionate love we ever made in different spots and degrees in our solo, silent house we are in. Lunch and dinner, I let him have and savored me in any ways and position.

“Uhh, Rhaegar…don’t stop.” I moaned as the ecstasy of his thrust was too much to take. I feel high and lost.

“Not yet, baby. Not yet…” He then huskily said as he began pounding me roughedly and deeply that hitting my g-spot was his walls of finished line.

Kabanata 32

Kabanata 3

2

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My lips curved ear to ear as I gaze at the man beside me on the bed. He’s still asleep as I watched his serious handsome face bore on me. It was so effortless for him in every way that makes me noticed how immaculate he was.

But my heart just skipped it beats like a hump on the road you jolted as you pass by on it whenever I think of him having love and special care for me. It was still a dream-like I never believe to happen with me. He was the answered prayer that I always wished above the dark glittering sky.

He was subtle and very passionate to me last night. His thrust and kisses never fail on giving me spice of tingled and unknown sensation with alluring affection. It was ecstatic and very heartfelt made of love.

Nang gumalaw siya mula sa kaniyang pagkakahiga at dumilat ang mga matang sa akin agad ang dapo ay matamis ko siyang nginitian. His lips parted and eyes hooded from sleep.

“Good morning,” I said in almost a whisper.

“Morning, baby,” then his huge arm wrapped on my body.

He was shirtless and only wearing his black boxer shorts. While I was only wearing his large plain V-neck t-shirt that looses on my body with my undies.

Napahawak ang dalawang kamay ko sa kaniyang malapad na dibdib. I caressed his chiseled chest and my fingers played on his thin hair on his middle chest. I haul it a bit and I felt him groaned at that so I glanced at him.

“Sorry,” I said then smiled apologetically with my eyes alluring him.

His eyes suddenly darken and lips half-open and twisted it later on. He arched his brow on me and then in an instant, he rolled over with me that makes me place underneath him.

The comforter crumpled above his back. His body above me and face nearing while his eyes darken as he slowly crouches his head. 

“I want breakfast in bed, can you give me what I want, Aiden? Hmm?” He huskily asked me.

I bit my lower lips.

“Nakailan na tayo kahapon, Rhaegar-”

“You’re refusing me-”

“No! I-I’m not,” I said stutteringly. I panicked a bit.

Me? Why would I refused this man who gave me love and showered me of it every moment we were together.

“We can, I mean I’m fine with breakfast in bed either,” I muttered then my eyes lift on him.

His glares glint and lighten the dimmed a bit. The side of his lips tugged up, forming a very sensual smirk.

He’s on top of me and his bare huge iron body was my very perfect view of him. His thin lips and captivating grey eyes as his nose pointed proudly.

He then suddenly poured me his very passionate kisses. From my lips then slip on the side of my mouth. To my cheeks that were subtly moved on my jaw until his lips dropped seductively on my long fair neck.

I shut my eyes with his showered gentle kisses. He stopped then filter his head as he glances at me.

“I know you get tired yesterday. I’m sorry.” He huskily muttered.

My hand reach his jaw and caressed his face gently. I smiled at him.

“It’s fine to me Rhaegar. I also get fond of it…with you.”

His eyes darken more as he glared at me. And when I tried to move my legs underneath him, my eyes widen a fraction. I swallowed hard as my thigh felt his morning wood brushed against my skin.

“Fuck,” he groaned when I didn’t remove my thighs on it.

Kinagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi ko at saka siya tinitigan ng marahan. He was narrowing his gazes on me as his jaw moved like he’s getting pissed nor frustrate.

“Aiden, remove your thigh. You’re making it hard for me to stop myself.” His voice stern this time.

Napakurap kurap naman ako ron. At kalaunan ay marahan kong inalis ang aking hita.

“I hate it when you started getting learn from what we always do.” He said like he’s in pain of anticipation after I remove my thigh on his morning wood.

“You hate it?” I asked him, a bit surprised that he’s not liking it.

He then eyed me with his serious dark glares.

“I love it…so much but you are making me hanged anticipated.” He said like he’s complaining or what in a very serious way.

I pouted. “I’m sorry,” then I clasped my hands on his nape and reach his lips for a captured kissed.

Then I smiled at him afterward.

I just wish that our day yesterday won’t end because now, I decided to come back to Makati to deal with his work office and also to visit my Dad.

I wasn’t in doubt nor hesitant to go back and visit our mansion even my grandpa and Tita Vera won’t allow me either. I want to be there to visit my Dad. It’s been a long time since the last time I saw him. We haven’t even struck a conversation when he was confined at the Hospital.

Kaya uuwi ako at pupuntahan si Dad. Hindi ako mapapakali dito sa probinsya hangga’t hindi ko siya nakikita at nakukumusta man lang.

“My car was already parked outside.” Ani Rhaegar sa akin pagkagaling sa labas habang ako naman ay kakatapos lang magdilig ng mga halaman sa likurang bakuran.

Hindi na rin ako nagulat na malaman iyon dahil paniguradong naitawag na niya iyon sa kaniyang mga tauhan kahapon sa plano naming pagbalik.

“Hindi pa ako nakakapagsabi kay Lola na aalis tayo ngayon pa Maynila,” I said to him, a bit worried dahil gusto ko na ring makita si Dad.

“Pupunta naman siguro siya rito ngayon. We’ll tell her.” He then said assuringly.

Napailing naman ako at saka naupo sa upuan sa lamesa ng kusina.

“She won’t visit today. She stayed here last time at kahapon lang rin siya umuwi ng umaga. Wala na ring masyadong gagawin sa halamanan sa likuran kundi pagdidilig na lang rin sa araw araw. Kaya baka bumisita iyon sa mga susunod pang mga araw.” I stated, quite uneasy.

Nilapitan naman niya ako at hinawakan ang aking mukha. Hinuli niya ang aking mga mata at pinaglapat ang aming mga tingin.

“We’ll go and visit her on the way. Don’t worry.” He muttered to me softly.

Gusto ko ring makapagpaalam kay Lola bago kami umalis para naman kahit papaano ay masabihan siya na iiwanan ko ang bahay sa kaniya habang wala kami. Hindi ko pa rin alam kung magtatagal kami ro’n dahil wala pa akong ideya kung anong mangyayari pagtungtong ko sa lugar.

I assume that people will hate me more when they saw me with Rhaegar after the called-off engagement with my half-sister Briana.

Bukod sa galit ni Lolo at Tita Vera na haharapin ko sa pagbabalik ng mansion para bisitahin si Daddy ay hindi ko pa rin alam kung anong magiging plano ni Rhaegar sa amin pagdating don.

We haven’t talked about if he’ll take me to his unit or I think I should better go have and checked my condo unit either. Dahil umalis lang naman ako para layuan si Rhaegar at ginamit nila Lolo iyon para tuluyan na akong paalisin sa landas nila.

Not that they want me dead but I can sense their boiling blood through me every time they caught my presence struck on them.

Kakatapos lang naming mag-ayos ng sarili ni Rhaegar at napatingin ako sa isang black duffle bag niya. I didn’t notice it last time. It was his bag where his clothes were.

“I thought I would take more time from getting you back.” He then said.

It does not sound smug instead his voice weakened and his eyes either while he gazes on me thoroughly.

“Well, guess what. You only took three days…” I said then walked near him.

We’re now in the living area in front of the sofas. Getting ready of going out. And when I was closed to him, I lifted my eyes.

“Thank you… for coming here for me. I really thought you are engaged with Briana. I’m sorry for leaving,” I uttered with my hands squeezing out.

He takes a step to closed our distance. I didn’t step back. Hinarap ko siya at tiningala.

“Thank you for not letting me go. Thank you for loving me, Rhaegar.” My voice elated breathily.

He’s glaring at me narrowly. It was deep like he was seeing my soul with it.

“I will always do it for you, baby. Remember what I promised you? I will always attempt my very best just to make you in bliss. And that happiness is being with me as long as you are into me, Aiden.” He said while his eyes crept with the seriousness that dripped on me his sincerity he was conveying.

He scooped my jaw and his lips in grim but his narrowed eyes tell me how he was so happy to be with me.

“I love you, Rhaegar…” I breathily pronounced, staring at him.

His eyes darkened and jaw disturbed. His index finger rubbed my cheek softly, curtailed.

“I love you like I always do, Aiden.” He then affirmed.

It wasn’t a dream. It wasn’t just pretending nor feelings coping up from the pain. It was real. The old person who had been rejected, treating me like a scrap and always been set aside at the corner has now had the person who will have care and showed her affection. It was Rhaegar who does it for me. It was him who made me feel that I am special.

He made my life out of my own danger and give its meaning like it’s to the fullest.

Nang makalabas kami ng bahay ay narinig kong nag-ring ang cellphone ni Rhaegar. He glanced at me before he answered it. Binuksan niya pa ang back sit at inilagay roon ang kaniyang duffle bag.

“When did he knew? Fuck, why didn’t you tell me?– I’m busy yesterday…” Rhaegar said in a very serious manner.

I was standing beside him. “Yeah, we’re going.” Then he glanced at me while he hangs up the call.

His eyes were different this time. He looked pissed and seems controlling his anger.

“May problema ba?” I asked him as I held his arm.

His jaw clenched. “It was Zion who called me. Your grandpa knows that I’m with you. His men were on their way here. We need to leave.”

My brows meet. “Then we have to go,” I said.

Pumasok kami ng sasakyan niya at pinaandar niya na iyon. Tahimik lang siya at ganon din naman ako.

We’re not sure if where is my grandpa’s men are in. But one thing is we’re sure about, they can have snapped both of us here if we didn’t hurry to leave.

“Huwag na tayong dumaan kila Lola, Rhaegar,” I said to him as his eyes directly on the road.

He took a glimpse at my way. “Okay,” he just drawled. He was hesitant at first but we have to go now.

Kung dadaan pa kami kila Lola ay hindi malabong maabutan kami ng mga tauhan ni Lolo. I didn’t actually get why my grandpa has to do this. I haven’t done anything wrong to him. I obeyed him for staying here in the province alone and far from their sights and plans.

I know that he loathed me so much but getting me away is for what for? Is it because of Rhaegar, dahil ako ang pinili niya at hindi si Briana na nakatalaga para rito? But why Rhaegar seems to know my grandpa’s actions? How does he know that my Dad is back? I understand that his father told him but it still a question to me if why does he seems watching my grandpa from afar.

“How did you make sure that my grandpa’s men will be here? What for?” I asked Rhaegar when we’re now on the centralized road.

I can’t contain my thoughts of the question for his possible reasons.

“You’re grandpa was furious after what I did to the engagement. He takes that as an insult and embarrassment for the De Laughrey’s… I have tried finding you since then, it took me a while before I finally found you here in Bulacan. Because I never think that your grandpa will help you hide from me.” I noticed his jaw moved.

I looked away. “He helped me not just to get away from you…but also to be out of their life. He wants to get rid of me.” Nakababa ang tingin kong sabi.

“Aiden, your grandpa is after us. He’s not favored to me for you-” I cutted him off.

“He can not accept me for you, Rhaegar. It’s the other way around you are thinking. He’s not favored to me to be with you.” I pronounced then lift my glance on his way.

He glimpsed at me then back his sight on the road again. His side in my view was half of his face. Pero kahit na gano’n ay hindi nakatakas sa akin ang magkasalubong niyang makapal na kilay at isang linya niyang labi. He remained silent. We remained silent for awhile

“He can’t decide what is better for you, Aiden. Because he never thinks best things of you.” He then said, breaking the chirping wind of silence.

I bit my lower lip. Even my grandpa treated me harshly I always think of him in a good way. That he was just carried away by his anger. But hearing this from Rhaegar makes me feel down and at the same time calm, that he is right that I can make my own choice. Grandpa never decides good for me, he always thinks ill of me. But if this time, the chances of Rhaegar and I have intruded by him, I won’t let him.

I respected him and all my life I never planted a mad feeling for him. I get hurt but I will then end up asking myself if why is he like this to me. He didn’t like me since I was a kid… I don’t know but maybe the day I was born he already despised me.

“Aiden, I know you loved your family, but… I wouldn’t stop myself if they did something wrong to you this time.” Rhaegar’s voice caught my lost mind.

I glanced at him. I understand, Rhaegar. He’s just as worried for me as I am for myself.

Naging mabilis ang naging byahe naming dalawa. Nakarating kami ng condominium namin na may nakaabang na mga bodyguards sa parking lot sa amin. Rhaegar opens the doorway where I was in the car as he immediately gets my hand and intertwined it.

Lumingon pa siya sa paligid at nang makita namin si Zion na mukhang naghihintay sa amin sa basement na nakatayo malapit sa elevator kasama ang iba pang mga bodyguards.

His serious green eyes immediately flocked on me. It was blankly glaring at me and the playfully Zion wasn’t this.

“You’re safe here. The floors have been checked and guarded. We had also reached to Mr. De Laughrey’s son, Mr. Brayden. He demands a meeting with you, Rhaegar. At this hour.” Bungad ni Zion sa amin ng makalapit ako.

Napatingin ako kay Rhaegar na nakatayo sa aking tabi.

“It’s my Dad, sasama ako, Rhaegar. I want to see him.” I then said to him beside me.

But his eyes darken and his brow arched like he’s having questioned himself.

“You stay here, Ria. Your grandpa might saw you there and snatched you from us. And Mr. Brayden De Laughrey… asked for Rhaegar’s presence only.” Zion retorted to me seriously.

My brows shot up and my mouth dropped dramatically.

“Shut up Rockefeller,” it was Rhaegar who hissed at him.

Zion glanced at Rhaegar’s way flatly, without any emotions played on it. They are glaring at each other way like their talking arrogantly by their eyes.

“Dito nalang muna ako sa unit ko. Maybe I’ll just visit Dad tomorrow morning.” I then said. Intervening between the serious glares of this two.

Bumaling si Rhaegar sa akin at humiwalay sa mariing tinginan nilang dalawa ni Zion. “You sure? You can come with me at this time.”

I shook my head. “No, it’s a meeting between you and my Dad. Just…please tell him I will gonna visit him tomorrow.” Tanging ani ko nalang.

He just nods at me before he kissed my forehead. Saglit pa kaming nagkatitigan bago niya binalingan si Zion at tuluyan ng umalis patungo ng Maserati niyang sasakyan na nakapark lang din sa tabi ng range rover niya na ginamit namin kanina.

Nalilito at hindi ko maisip ng lubos ang mga nangyayari. I was analyzing every bit of it when we entered the elevator. Zion was standing in front of me. He just remained silent. I didn’t opt to talk either.

If my grandpa was searching for me now dahil kasama ko si Rhaegar. What was the meeting of my Dad between him? And how could I be able to visit him if Lolo will take me away once I get there in the mansion?

And now Zion is guarding me. The bodyguards were also scattered on the floor of Rhaegar’s unit. Dito muna ako mananatili habang wala pa siya. Gustuhin ko mang sa unit ko nalang ay mukhang hindi rin pupwede but I’ll try to ask Zion if I can. I have to check my unit as well. Ang tagal ko ring hindi nabisita iyon.

Nang buksan ni Zion ang unit ni Rhaegar with his key card ay nauna siyang pumasok sa akin. Sumunod naman ako at isinara iyon ng bodyguard na nakasunod din pala sa akin sa loob.

But when Zion glance at the man behind me ay napansin kong bahagyang yumukod iyon sa amin at saka lumabas at iniwan kaming dalawa ni Zion sa loob ng condo unit.

I roamed my eyes inside this huge unit of Rhaegar. Walang nagbago at tanging gano’n pa rin ang pwesto ng mga gamit. It was extremely tidy like it seems before every time I go here with him and spend my night here inside his room.

Naglakad ako patungong sofa at inignora ang kanina pang seryosong mga titig ni Zion sa akin.

“Ria…” Zion called me sternly.

Then I stopped from taking another step when I finally get beside the sofa to seat on. I took a glance on his way and arched my brow on him, askingly.

His eyes narrowed on me in seriousness. Naglakad siya palapit sa akin kung saan ako nakaupong sofa ngayon. He paused when he has enough space near me.

“What is it, Zion?” I inquired to him, a bit curious by his serious glares on me.

“Do you really like Rhaegar?” He asked me that made my forehead creased.

I cleared my throat before I answered him.

“Zion, you know that I didn’t just like him. I loved him. I love Rhaegar.” I pronounced to him.

Magpasahanggang ngayon ay nagtataka pa rin ako sa mga ikinikilos niya. I didn’t get his action. Furthermore, I don’t want to make assumptions about it. He’s Rhaegar’s cousin, I’m not liking the idea just only thinking of it.

He didn’t look away. “You sure he loves-”

“Zion he said that he loves me. Pero hindi kita maintindihan kung bakit mo sa’kin tinatanong ’to? I don’t get it.” Nalilito ko nang putol sa sasabihin niya dahil na-conclude ko na.

This time, he looked away. Napaayos naman ako ng upo ko at nagtataka siyang tiningnan.

“I warned you before, Ria.” He hinted as his eyes were focused on the other things. He stepped back a bit and put his arms on the cross.

“I don’t get you, Zion. Just tell me what’s your problem with us-” natigilan ako nang maisip na baka hindi rin siya pabor sa akin para kay Rhaegar. He’s his cousin and I get why he acts this way if ever he doesn’t like me for Rhaegar as well.

“Don’t you want me for Rhaegar either-”

“Of course I want you to be with him. You’re both good at each other. I’m happy that I see my cousin happy as well. But… Ria, you will just get hurt.”

“I will get hurt in any side of this relationship, Zion. He will be hurt either. There is no perfect relationship. He’s not perfect, neither I.” I said in fact.

Nag-angat siya sa akin ng tingin at ang berdeng mga mata nito ay hindi ko mawari ang nararamdaman. He looks so serious that makes me more worried if what is it bugging him about my relationship with Rhaegar.

“You’re right, there is no perfect relationship…and there is no relationship lasts.” He said in a deep large voice.

I shivered at that. I know that…but I believe that Rhaegar and I will talk about our problems this time. He always tried to keep his promises, and I’ve seen it with my own eyes. He may be an arrogant and deep person sometimes but he always trying to make his best and that’s what matters to me. That is what I will only look forward to…his efforts for me.

Zion took a step near my seat. “You’re a soft kind person, Ria. You deserve more. Rhaegar is a good man as well, but he’s different. You must be asked him about-”

“Ria,” it was a baritone large voice that called me from behind.

Naputol niyon si Zion sa kaniyang sinasabi at napatingin siya sa pinagmulan ng baritonong boses na iyon. I stood up from my seat when I heard footsteps that getting neared on my hearing that filled the unit from its marbled floor.

I turn my sight to where is Zion is looking at.

“Theron,” I pronounced when he halted in front of me.

His sharp and cat-eye-like glares differ on someone behind me then lifted on mine again. My gazes caught by his eyes na ngayon ko lang natitigan ng matagal.

It was the color amber that made me feel astounded.

“Anong ginagawa mo rito?” Si Zion mula sa aking likuran.

“Giving something I get from her condo unit last time-”

“Pumasok kayo ng unit ko ng hindi niyo sinasabi sa akin?” I immediately asked, voice raised a bit because it’s my property. My privacy.

Napansin kong magkatinginan ang dalawa ng ilang sandali.

“Yes, I’m sorry. Rhaegar is finding you that time.” Zion said to me. He’s now standing on my side.

Napabaling naman ako kay Theron na seryoso lang na nakatitig sa akin. And when I glared at him back he showed up his right hand from his back. It’s handed a piece of envelope.

I stared at it for a while. My forehead then creased. And when he arced his brow on me like he’s waiting for me to accept it. Ay kinuha ko iyon sa kaniya kalaunan at pinagmasdan. It was a button and string brown envelope.

“It was from your unit. I have a feeling that it was newly sent from the mail.” Theron stated.

Nag-angat ako sa kaniya ng tingin. Why did he get this? It’s not his thing though.

“I didn’t open that, so don’t worry. And your unit, we haven’t entered on it again after that.”

Tinanguan ko nalang siya at tipid na nginitian.

Nang pagmasdan kong muli ang envelope ay nakita kong may nakasulat sa upper left corner nito.

To: Eleftheria Aiden De Laughrey

Nangunot ang noo ko ron nang mabasa ang pangalan ko. But my surname wasn’t ’De Laughrey anymore. How could someone send me mail through an envelope like this? Wala naman akong matandaang pwedeng magbigay nito sa akin.

At nang mag-angat ako kay Theron ng tingin ay naramdaman ko naman ang pag-iwas ni Zion na mabilis na naglakad patungong pintuan at lumabas.

My forehead creased at that. Bakit biglang umalis ’yon? He looked pissed and annoyed when he walked out.

But my attention immediately turns to Theron when he spoke.

“Rest first, Ria, you just came from a trip. Mamaya pa ang uwi ni Rhaegar. I gotta go as well. Bye for now.” Theron asserted then left me alone in the unit.

I sat on the sofa again and took a glance at the envelope in my hand.

From whom did it come? I asked myself as I put it on my lap. Curious, because I had no idea where this mail would come from.

Kabanata 33

Kabanata 33

Letter

Lagpas tanghalian na rin nang makarating kami ng condominium. I already ate my lunch and Rhaegar isn’t back since he left me in the basement earlier an hour ago.

I get curious if what Dad and he will talk about. My grandpa as well, I think I have to talk to him. If he already knows that I’m with Rhaegar and he’s against us, I have to settle it with him. I believe that he won’t do bad things to me. At kung hinahanap nga ako ng mga tauhan ni Lolo ay nasisigurado kong hindi rin nila ako sasaktan.

Nakakalito lang dahil hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ganito si Lolo sa akin ngayon. I knew him being intense and unsympathetic to me. But now it looks like he wants me out of Rhaegar’s way. 

Tumayo ako mula sa pagkakaupo ko sa kama ni Rhaegar at tinungo ang balkonahe. I slide the glass door and went out. The orange sky in the summer-like golden hour showed up on me as my beautiful scenery of the City.

It’s a beautiful sunset that I was staring at, as my thoughts flurry in the wind.

Zion was hinted me stuff I didn’t get to elaborate on my own. It was some kind of logic he’s doing but I don’t actually pay attention to it. Maybe because I find it that he has something different feelings on me which I can’t just actually conclude that way. He’s Rhaegar’s cousin and I’m not that stupid enough to entertain that kind of ruined relationship.

I’m not here to meddle but to be part of Rhaegar’s life like he was also to mine. I also planned on going back to the province and not staying here for long. But it will gonna depend on Rhaegar. He has a lot and huge job that he has to portray for the good sake of their company and employees.

If I could just go now and visit my Dad, I will. Pero dahil nasa meeting nga siya kasama is Rhaegar ay baka siguro bukas nalang. Hindi na rin ako makapaghintay na makita at mahagkan siya. Sana naman ay mabuti na talaga ang kaniyang lagay at kalusugan. I’m extremely happy that he came back home.

Nang tuluyan ng lumubog at maglaho ang kahel na haring araw ay pumasok na rin ako sa loob at sinarado ang balkonahe. I went out of his room at napaisip kung bakit wala pa siya.

Nang bumaba ako sa hagdan ay nakita kong naroon ang isang bodyguard malapit sa pintuan at may hawak na isang paper bag. He was looking at me as I went down and he immediately walks in my way when I get down.

“Ma’am Ria, mag-dinner na raw po kayo.” Anito sa akin.

Napakunot naman ang noo ko at nagbaba ng tingin sa paper bag na inaabot nito.

“Saan ito galing? And where is Rhaegar? Is he already here?” I asked him.

“It’s from Mr. Rhaegar Sullivan, Ma’am Ria. Pinapasabi niya rin na baka mamaya pa ang kaniyang uwi kaya huwag niyo na raw siyang hintayin.”

Hindi ko inasahan iyon. Mamaya pa siya uuwi? His meeting with my Dad shouldn’t take this long. Kanina pa siyang hapon at ngayon ay mag-gagabi na. It took him almost five hours at the current time of six PM.

Napakunot ang aking noo ron. Kinuha ko ang paper bag at mabilis din naman akong iniwan ng bodyguard na lumabas ng unit kalaunan. Tinungo ko ang kitchen at naglakad palapit sa countertop at don nilagay ang hawak ko.

It was a set of meal for only one person. I saw it when I took out the food from the paper bag. Mukhang hindi nga kami magsasabay. Kumain na kaya siya? Kanina pa siyang tanghali na umalis at hindi pa kami nakakain ng pananghalian niyon nang magtungo siya para sa meeting.

I took out my phone from my sacs to compose a message for him.

Ako:

I got the food you send me. Thank you, but it will be more perfect if you’re here dining with me. Tell me where you are. I’m worried.

I typed in then hit the send button. He is probably out of the meeting now dahil kanina pa iyon. And thinking his where-about made me worry. He hasn’t also have texted me nor called me since he left me earlier.

Hindi muna ako kumain dahil hihintayin ko sana siya. Kaso ay nang lumipas na ang thirty-minutes at lumamig na ang mga pagkaing nasa lamesa ay napasinghap akong inumpisahan ng kumain na mag-isa. Mukhang matagal pa siyang darataing.

I get inside his room after I finished my dinner alone. I cleaned myself in his bathroom at nakitang may ilang damit na ring pambabae ngayon sa kaniyang walk-in closet. When I get neared at the wardrobe and checked the clothes and the dress as well as the lingerie and brasiers on the drawer, it has all a price tag. It was all new. Kumuha ako ron, marahil ay ipinahanda niya iyon dahil dito nga ako mags-stay sa kaniyang unit.

After I fixed and dressed myself in a silk satin gray color sleepwear and robe. I sat on his bed and get the phone at the side table of his bed. I checked my phone if he has a reply but nothing popped out on my screen when I open it.

I frowned as I put back my phone underneath the lampshade. At nang mahagip ng mata ko ang button string envelope sa kabilang side ng lampshade ay kinuha ko iyon.

It was the closure kraft brown enveloped that Theron gave me. The room was dimmed now because I didn’t turn on the lights but because of the city lights that illuminating inside this room, I will still be able to see things here.

But when I handed the envelope, I lightened the lamp to give me brightness as I slowly began to disentangle the string from its two buttons. Nang maalis ko iyon ay mabilis kong binuksan.

Hanggang ngayon ay kahit na hindi ko pa man nakikita ang laman nito ay wala akong ideya kung sino man ang maaaring magbigay nito sa akin.

Kinuha at inilabas ko ang laman niyon na nakapatong sa aking hita. Mabilis na nagsalubong ang aking mga kilay at namilog ang aking mga mata nang makita ang mga iyon.

My mouth dramatically half-open as my fingers run through the old picture. It was an old picture wallet size. Based on its print and color, proves that it’s taken back in the past.

I felt my eyes grew hotter when I realize who was in the photograph. It was a picture of a baby… a newly born baby. And I am so sure that I knew who it was.

And when I turned the back of the picture, there was an old handwritten letters based on its aged ink in the upper right corner. I felt my eyes watered in a grew hot surface of my bottom eyelids.

Eleftheria Aiden…

And when I saw the three folded white paper together with the picture, I immediately upright it.

My chest started to heave. Telling me that it was real. And yes… I can’t believe it.

It was a letter from my mom. After so many years, ngayon lang niya ako binigyan ng ganito. After so many birthdays I celebrated, this was the only time she tried to send me a letter. After so much pain and heartache, I experienced it now.

I’m not mad at her. But seeing this letter she sent me, I don’t know what to feel and to react. All my life I believe she was living peacefully that she doesn’t even have to find neither to meet me and recognize me. And having my own picture on her that she sents me, making my heart flutter.

She knew me. She knows that she has a daughter that she left in my Dad. Hindi ko alam kung anong itsura niya dahil kahit na kailan ay hindi rin naman nagkuwento sa akin si Daddy kung ano at nasaan si Mommy. Basta ang tanging ideyang meron ako ay iniwan ako ni Mom kay Dad. And like what my grandpa used to say, she’s a slut. That I was born from a mistake, from a mom slut, and that I cannot be a person he will accept.

Masakit pero hindi ko man paniwalaan ay alam kong tama pa rin naman ang sinasabi sa akin ni Lolo. Dahil hindi naman ako mabubuo kung hindi dumating si Mom sa buhay ni Dad which he already has a wife that time.

But then, whatever are my parents’ mistakes doesn’t reflect the person I am today.

Binasa ko ang sulat at hindi ko maintindihan ang nararamdaman ko. I feel sad as well as especially happy that she finally reached out to me.

To Eleftheria, my daughter…

I’m Celeste Eve Reyes, I know at this point you will get confused. I want to meet you personally. I want to see you. I will tell you everything, Eleftheria. I know that it felt strange to you, but please… I missed you. I wanna hugged you. Let’s meet when you are ready. Maghihintay ako. At kung may galit ka man sa’kin, sana makipagkita ka pa rin sa akin, anak ko. Handa akong harapin ang galit mo. Hindi kita masisisi anak dahil alam kong may malaking pagkukulang ako sa’yo.

The old picture I send you was the only memory I have, that I always looked back on every time I missed you. I will wait for you, Eleftheria. I don’t want to hustle you. I just want you to know that I will wait, till when you are ready.

Your mother,

Celeste Eve Reyes

I then fold the paper. I let a heavy sigh as I held the calling card. It was the things inside the envelope, the letter, the picture, and the calling card.

I stared at nothing for a while. Can’t believe it and I am still stunned to read her letter to me. I waited for her a long time ago. I waited that one day I will go and meet her. That someday, she will come to meet me and said that she misses me.

I longed for a mother. I yearned for my mother. Lumaki akong si Lola ang tumatayong ina ko, but when she died, I feel like I don’t deserve to have one. Because my mom left me, and then now is my grandma. I then end up asking myself why is this happening to me? Why all my mother left me?

It stabs and stings a thorn in my heart. Not leaving scars because the thorns are never gone. Missing my mom but thinking that she didn’t even have me in her mind, put me in torn. I never get mad but I feel tragic about it.

Gusto ko siyang makita. Gusto ko siyang makausap at mahagkan. Pero hindi ko alam kung handa ba akong harapin siya. She’s been gone since I was born. I never know what she looks like nor how good she is. But I believe that when I’m ready to meet her, I will.

And when I took a glance at her letter again, a sweat hot tear left my eyes dripped on my cheek.

I will go and meet her in time. Dahil marami akong gustong itanong sa kaniya. Marami akong gustong malaman na tanging siya lang ang makakasagot. Kailangan ko siyang makita at makausap dahil siya lang rin ang bubuo sa kulang kong pagkatao. Because as I grew up, I feel like there’s a missing piece of me that was driven away. It was her who I think I will never get to find forever. And I promised myself not to missed this chance with her.

Nang gabing iyon ay nakatulugan ko nalang ang pag-iyak at pag-iisip sa aking ina. Pagkamulat ng aking mga mata kinabukasan ay wala pa rin si Rhaegar sa aking tabi.

Hindi ba siya umuwi kagabi?

Tumayo ako mula sa aking pagkakahiga at binalingan ang side table ng kama. Nakalagay sa loob ng drawer niyon ang sulat na ibinigay sa akin ng aking ina. Hanggang ngayon ay tanging halong emosyon at pakiramdam ang aking nadarama. Pananabik at lumbay dahil sa maraming taon na ang lumipas.

Iniwas ko ron ang tingin ko at dumiretso na ng pintuan palabas para bumaba ng hagdan patungong salas. But when before I get downstairs, my nose filled with a tasty smell of a morning meal. Tinungo ko ang kusina at naabutan si Rhaegar na naghahain na sa lamesa ng breakfast.

“Morning,” he just simply said when he noticed my way.

“Good morning,” I greeted back.

At saka naman ako dumiretso sa hapag at pinagmasdan ang hinanda niyang mga pagkain. The appearance of it all seems to tastes so good that makes me want to eat all of these. Nakita kong salinan niya ako ng fresh fruit juice na madalas niya sa aking ihain sa tuwing nandito ako. I miss this.

“I’m sorry about last night. I was preoccupied at hindi na ako nakapag-reply sa mga messages mo.” He then uttered as he sat on the chair in front of me.

Nag-angat ako sa kaniya ng tingin at saka naupo na rin.

“It’s okay, I understand, I know you just get busy.” Nakatitig kong ani sa kaniya.

He was shirtless and I really think I started getting used to it. But every time my eyes dripped on his body, I get a thirst for it.

“Anong oras ka pala nakauwi kagabi?” I asked him while he put a sunny side up on my plate, avoiding his topless body.

“You’re asleep that time,”

Napakurap kurap naman ako, maaga akong nakatulog kagabi. Maybe he got home after I fall asleep.

I pursed my lips and slice the bacon. Gusto ko pa sana siyang tanungin kung ano ang nangyari pagkatapos ng meeting nila ni Dad at kung saan siya nanggaling kaso ay bigla ko namang napagtanto na hindi ako iyon. And imagining myself asking him that, I assume that he will find it weird. He must be in the office.

Kaya naman nang mag-angat ako sa kaniya ng tingin at seryoso lang siya ngayong kumakain ay tinanong ko siya dahilan para balingan niya ako.

“What happened with your meeting with my dad?”

He stared at me for a while before he utter.

“Fine, it goes fine.”

“Have you…tell him that I will go visit him today?” I then inquired.

I miss Dad and I can’t wait to see him. And aside from that, I want to ask him about my Mom. I believe it’s also time for him to get me to know about it.

“Yeah, sasamahan kita.” Rhaegar then pronounced with his eyes in a serious expression.

“But you have to work Rhaegar, hindi mo naman na ako kailangan pang samahan.”

“What about your grandpa’s men, Aiden. I will get worried.”

I blinked at that. I don’t understand why would my grandpa will do that to me?

“I will visit Dad, Rhaegar. And Lolo will be there and that is for sure. Wala siyang gagawing masama sa akin. Trust me, I know my grandpa. He may be tough on me but he will never hurt me physically-”

“I know, but he can get you away from me.” He retorted.

His eyes darken and his lips shut. I didn’t look away and just looked at him straight in the eye.

“Rhaegar, he won’t. My Dad will be there. I will be fine.” I said to him assuringly.

Nakita ko pang gumalaw ang panga niya. He didn’t say a word and just glared at me.

Gustuhin ko mang sabihin sa kaniya na pupunta rin ako kay Lolo ay nasisiguro kong hindi niya rin naman magugustuhan ang ideyang iyon. Now that he’s acting this way, what more if I’ll tell him about it. He can be the worst.

For the good thing, he let me be afterward. He goes to work at his office while I’m heading to our mansion. Sabay kaming bumaba ng basement patungong parking lot.

“Ihahatid na kita,” he said when we are in the parking, walking towards his car.

“Huwag na, sa kotse ko nalang ako-” I paused when I realized that my car was left on the mansion when they sent me to Bulacan.

He glanced at me as we halted in front of his sleek black Maserati. His brow arched like he’s asking me what makes me stop from talking.

“I don’t have my car…it was left in the mansion.” I grimaced said to him.

He then shifts to his place then walked towards the door of his car. Ipinagbubukas ako ng pintuan para ihatid niya.

“H-Huwag na, Rhaegar. Ipahatid mo nalang ako sa bodyguard mo, you will be late.”

His eyes started to glare at me piercingly. I gulped.

“I let you come there alone and now I just only wanna dropped you there but you’re refusing me?” His voice filled with disbelief.

Napakagat labi ako. Hindi ko gusto ang ideyang ihatid niya ako sa mansion dahil paniguradong nando’n si Lolo. And thinking of it wasn’t a good idea. Plus Briana and Tita Vera who get aborted by their engagement, mas lalo lang nila akong pag-iinitan.

Pupunta ako sa mansion hindi para sa gulo. Not that Rhaegar will give rise to. But he can be a trigger to them. I want to come there alone and talked to them personally. I want to tell them that Rhaegar and I are together and I will never let him go again. That was my mistake and I promised not to make it happened twice.

Tahimik lang si Rhaegar at mariing nakatitig sa akin. Nakababa naman ang mga tingin ko sa sahig at hindi alam kung paanong sasabihin sa kaniya ang aking mga iniisip.

But when I was about to say something to him, he immediately walked away and get inside his car. Nakita ko ang isang driver niya na nakatayo na sa aking gawi ngayon. Rhaegar started the engine as I watched him commenced to maneuver his car out of the parking lot.

I sighed. He gets mad at me. It’s my fault because I didn’t let him come with me and even in accompanying me to the mansion, I refused him.

I will explain to him later. Dahil hindi naman magandang maging ganito ang sitwasyon namin pareho.

Sumakay na ako sa isang sasakyan ni Rhaegar. May maghahatid sa akin sa mansion at hindi ko maiwasang isipin ang madilim na ekspresyon niya sa akin kanina bago niya ako tuluyang talikuran.

I want to clear everything to my Lolo. He can’t be like this to us. Not because Rhaegar chooses me than Briana he will be like this.

Dad was home so I expect him to be on my side. He always defends me from Lolo’s harsh stabbing words. He’s like my armor towards Lolo’s daggered on me. But knowing that, even how much Lolo trample me by his wording, my dad always says to me that I shouldn’t be mad at him. And by that, I learned how to accept what he really means to me so I won’t get mad at him. I accept that I’m really is what he said.

Pinagbuksan kami ng malaking gate nang ibaba ko ang bintana ko at makita ako ng guard. Dumiretso ang sasakyan namin hanggang sa marating ang harapan ng malaking mansion na may malawak na bakuran at isang fountain sa gitna na tapat ng mansion.

“Dito nalang po kuya,” I said at the driver.

He parked it right in front of the huge stairs towards the foyer.

Lumabas ako ng sasakyan at saglit pa munang pinagmasdan ang kabuuan ng entrada patungong bulwagan. I gasped before I walked in.

Tahimik ang bahay nang marating ko ang malaking pintuan na nakabukas. I went inside and some of the maids was surprised to see me kaya ang ilang nakakita sa aking pumasok sa loob ay nagsilinyahan malapit sa pinto at sabay sabay na nagsiyukuan sa akin.

“Good morning, Ma’am Ria.” Bati nila sa akin.

That made me smile. I’m glad that they still recognize me. Some of them are new but the others are old that was here ever since kaya kilala ko na rin.

“Good morning din po,” I greeted back.

At nang maramdaman kong may aninong nakatayo sa malayong harapan ko ay mabilis akong nag-angat ng tingin don. And when my eyes caught the view of the man standing with a walking stick in his hand, my eyes began to sweat.

My heart throbs and my shivered lips pursed as my feet began to walk fast towards his way. His face was serious but the gentleness was visibly alluring on me. His manliness and tough features were still the same but he’s getting old.

I miss this man. I really am…

“Dad…” My arms wrapped immediately on his body as I burried my face on his chest.

I gasped and I smell him very nicely. I missed him. I felt myself started to fall into tears of joy when my shoulder became to shudders. Naramdaman kong haplusin niya ang aking likuran at halikan ang aking ulohan.

“I missed you, Dad…so much,” I said as I tightened my embrace to him.

“I miss you too, Eleftheria.” He said with his voice in deep large.

Nananatili akong nakayakap sa kaniya at hindi inaalis ang pagkakabaon ng aking mukha sa kaniyang dibdib.

It looks like I was a little girl who missed his dad for a long time. Hugging him because she so much misses his dad.

“Hush, why are you crying?” He then asked me subtlety.

I frowned and shook my head on his chest.

“I just miss you Dad, I’m happy that you are now fine. I’m glad that you back.” I said then slipped away from my tight embrace.

Humiwalay ako sa kaniya at saka siya tinitigan. I feel like I haven’t seen his face for almost a decade. He didn’t change, he’s still the man I know.

“I didn’t know that you’ll go abroad. I was looking for you at the hospital. I-I thought you’re-”

“Ria, I’m doing great now. Don’t worry that much about your old Dad. I’m getting better.” He said like he was trying to lift my mood.

He smiled at me that I missed seeing.

“I’m really happy to see you Dad.”

“Brayden,” halos sabay kaming napatingin ni Dad kay Tita Vera na mariin ang mga matang sa akin agad ang tuon.

Si Dad naman ay binalingan muli ako at inignora ang presensya ni Tita Vera.

“Have you eat your breakfast? Let’s continue our conversation on the garden, I would love that.” Dad said to me with a small smile on his lips.

His eyes wrinkled but the glint in his eyes captivated more. I smiled at him back.

“Tapos na po, Dad. But I can seat with you while you are having your breakfast in the garden. I missed that bond,”

Naramdaman ko ang presensya ni Tita Vera na lumapit na sa aming gawi. We glanced at her way.

“Ria, Papa wants to talk to you.” Tita Vera said to me in a narrowed way.

She was like trying to intervene in our conversation. At nabakas ko rin ang saglit niyang pagkagulat na makita akong narito.

“She’ll go and have to meet Papa after our catch-up, Vera. I want a time with my daughter…alone” Dad retorted to her.

Tita Vera’s brow raised at him like she’s not liking the idea. “Brayden, it’s your father’s order-”

“Vera, please…he can understand it. I am here for a while and you didn’t even let Ria know where I was. We are going to talk about this after my daughter. She’s been far and now I want a time with her you are obstructing it. Now give us time, that’s all that I want you to concern about.” Dad said to her with his eyes faded a bit.

And when Tita Vera’s gazes went on my way, it pierced like it’s dagging on me. Her lips were grim, stopping herself to speak more to burst.

Saglit pa niya akong tinitigan ng mariin bago niya kami tuluyang tinalikuran ni Dad.

Tita Vera never felt comfortable with me. She hated me the same as Lolo. Pero naiintindihan ko rin naman kung saan nanggagaling ang galit niya para sa akin. I’m a thorn in their beautiful roses family. Every woman would get mad if her husband had a son or daughter with another woman. It was excruciating and I understand where she is rooting her anger on me. It was acceptable and understandable.

Inalalayan ko si Dad patungong gazebo sa garden at naroon na rin ang mga pagkaing ipinahain niya para sa aming dalawa, kahit na dapat ay siya na lamang ay sinabi niya pa ring dapat ay sabayan ko siya.

We catch up and he was still the same. I’m glad that he’s now getting fine and better each time. He still has the humor that always makes me smile. The comforts of his heartily-laugh and the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen.

“I really miss you Dad,” pang-ilang sabi ko na sa kaniya niyon simula pa kanina.

I don’t care if he’s getting annoyed with me every time I said those words, because the feelings for me, it was calmingly peace of my heart.

He smiled at me after he heard those words again from me. The greenfield and the flowers around the place making us more comfortable and warmingly welcomed to see each other again.

Nang mag-iwas ako sa kaniya ng tingin ay naalala ko ang isa ko pang pinunta rito. I took my glance back at him.

“Dad, can I ask you about something?”

He lifted his gazes on me from his cup of tea that he was drinking now, done from having our breakfast.

“About what is it, Ria?” He asked, brow arched like he’s waiting for my answer.

Nagbaba pa muna ako ng tingin bago tuluyang magsalita.

“About Mom… I guess I should know about her.” I uttered then looked at him.

His eyes remain on me. I blinked and smiled shyly.

“But… if you are not fine with it, ayos lang po Dad.”

“No, it’s fine. It’s your right to know, Ria. What do you want to know about her?”

I swallowed before I spoke. “Why did she leave me to you Dad?” I asked him. But when I realized that it may sound uncomfortable to him, I uttered once again.

“I mean, why didn’t she took care of me instead?”

He looked away and sipped on his cup. This is the first time I asked him these things. Alam kong wala siyang ideya kung bakit at kung tutuusin ay si Mom lang ang nakakaalam kung bakit niya iyon ginawa. But then I hope he has the idea of her.

“Your mom was beautiful as you are Ria. You look like her. If you will just gonna see her now, you will suspect that you are looking at your own reflection.  She’s also as kind and loving as you. I believe she has her reasons. I believe…that is what we think is better for you.” He stated with his low voice.

Nakatingin siya sa akin ng may maliit na ngiti sa kaniyang labi. But his eyes opposing onto that curved lips.

“I never mentioned about her to you ever since. Not that I’m bitter but I just want to not think of it. I just want to only think of you, Ria. I know that your life with us was disastrous but I really tried to give my best, believe it or not. I want to protect and love you in so many ways that you wouldn’t have to feel like it was deficient. Because I don’t have your mom. I can’t give you your mom. And I want to believe that you never feel inadequate by my love for you, Ria.”

My eyes weaken by his serious statement. He was glaring at me and his eyes bore on me like I was watching the most painful scenery of life.

“Dad, you had never been insufficient to me. Your affection for me as your daughter was incredible. Don’t say as I’d never get enough of your sacrifices and efforts for me. Because it was all inordinate. Dad, you have been a great father to me. Asking about my mom has nothing to compare to you.” I said with my eyes glittered in gloom.

Mom wasn’t there for me all my life but my dad was here. He watched me grow as I had been to become the person I am today. But meeting and knowing about my mom will also help me to know about myself. She may come back for me even though it seems that it’s late. It doesn’t matter anymore. The important is that she spent time finding me.

“If ever your mom wants to connect with you, would you let her?” Dad inquired on me afterward with his serious glint of stares.

I looked down at my own cup of tea.

“Actually Dad, she really wants to meet me.”

And when I took my gaze on him, I saw how his eyes widened a fraction but then dripped down on the table immediately. 

“I’m gonna meet her, but not now,” I added.

I saw his jaw clenched as his eyes narrowed on his cup of tea. And when his eyes crawled back on me, it was now deep menacing with a light of enthusiasm.

“You should, but… I want you to remember that whatever may be her reasons, forgive her. Forgive the people that involve with it. I want to set yourself free, Ria. And knowing the truth will prevail us all.”

He then composed a tiny smile on his thin lips without reaching his staring eyes on me. I know it was deeper than anything else. But I will get to know it in time when I can handle it all. When everything seems to fall on its right spring.

Kabanata 34

Kabanata 34

Start

I leave my Dad on the gazebo in the garden later on when my grandpa sends a maid to call for me. I glanced in his way and he just smiled at me wearily.

Hind ko alam if Dad’s know that I’ve been in Bulacan for a month bago pa siya dumating. Or he just thinks that I have stayed in my condo unit which is not for a quiet while now.

But then, is he knew that I was with Rhaegar? Dahil napasabi ko sa kaniyang bibisita ako sa kaniya ngayonng umaga. Dad didn’t seem to ask me about it though and I don’t find this time to tell him about my relationship with Rhaegar because of Lolo. I need to settle this kind of stuff with him lalo na at gusto niya rin naman akong makausap at nasisigurado kong iisa lang ang rason ng pag-uusapan namin.

Nagtungo ako ng opisina ni Lolo sa pangalawang palapag ng bahay. Briana looks like she wasn’t home and Leigh might be possible at school. I miss that woman as well, Leigh is a very kind-hearted person I also know.

Nang buksan ko ang pintuan ng opisina ay unang dumapo ang aking mga mata kay Tita Vera na nakaupo sa isang sofa. Then lift at the old man who has serious dimmed glares pointed at me.

I went inside as I didn’t leave my glares on them back. Si Tita Vera naman ay tumayo sa kaniyang kinauupuan at tinungo ang isang upuan sa harapan ng lamesa ni Lolo.

I watched them silently with my eyes observing their hawk eyes on me. Ramdam ko ang tensyon at pagtitimpi sa kanilang mga labing nakaguhit sa isang linya.

I walked slowly in front of them then grit my teeth.

“Why you came here? I told you not to come back here anymore.” Lolo started with his eyes dark and piercing on me.

His voice wasn’t thudded but the lightning it was giving me, trucking my way. When I looked at Tita Vera’s way, her brow was on raised as it in inclemency.

“I want to visit my Dad-”

“You’re not a De Laughrey to even trample your feet on our ground. Who’s the dad you are saying? You are not his anymore,”

“Lolo, I missed my Dad when you took him abroad. Ngayon ko nalang siya ulit makikita ipagkakait niyo pa sa akin?”

“How dare you say that to me while you are just a no one in this house of De Laughrey.” His voice narrowed. Napalunok ako ron.

Hindi ako nag-iwas sa madilim at matalim niyang tingin sa akin. I faced him dahil kahit na anong gawin kong pag-iwas at pagpapaubaya na gawin nila ang gusto nila sa akin ay hindi pa rin naman mababago ang katotohanang hindi na nila ako magugustuhan pa.

They treated me this way and heartlessly thinking if what will be my reaction towards their decision on me. When the fact is it makes me suffer from its consequences.

“Lolo-”

“Don’t call me that way!” Now his voice thundered in a storm.

He remains in his seat but I notice how his breathing heave. Nagsulubong ang dalawa kong kilay sa bigat ng nararamdaman na pinipigil kong pakawalan. His words shivered to me that dripped into my bones.

“Kahit kailan ay hindi kita tinuring at nakita bilang isang apo ko, kaya huwag mo akong matawag tawag na Lolo mo. Isinusuka kong may dugo akong nananalaytay sa iyo.”

I paused in breathing. That was too much. What he just said was too much to bear. Like my heart bled by the stark knife on my heart.

“You are the disgrace of this family that I would never entertain for any room of acceptance.” He said with the conviction of anger and dissatisfaction for me.

I gritted my teeth as my eyes started to felt the sweat of blurriness.

“I get that since I was a kid. But if that’s how you see me, why do you want to take me away from Rhaegar’s side? Why you are sending your guards to follow me?” I asked him with a pain strained on my voice.

I saw Tita Vera’s glares on me dartedly. She shifted in her place. While Lolo’s gazes are on me while on its sharp point.

“You don’t deserve a man like him-” I cutted Tita Vera’s word.

“And when did you have to decide for me, Tita Vera? Mr. De Laughrey?” I asked them.

They didn’t back out. Mas lalo lang silang nag-init at dumiin ang tingin sa akin.

“I loved him and he loves me. Briana is out of our relationship. Kung iyon ang iniisip niyo na dapat ay sila ang nagkatuluyan at hindi kami, then it’s not my wrong anymore. Rhaegar chooses me and not your granddaughter Briana. You can never dictate anybody else. And, Lolo, seriously? You treated me ill ever since and now you are trying to manipulate my life? I really don’t get it. I don’t understand you.” I asserted to him with pain and frustration.

He gritted his teeth making his jaw moved as his sharped eyes directed at me.

“A better man doesn’t deserve an unworthy woman. That’s what his mom said as we feel the same way towards his son. If we cannot make her son agree to that agreement of engagement… then better not be with a woman like you. It’s a fair share of work, Ria.” Tita Vera said to me with a hawk stare.

Namilog ang aking mga mata sa kaniyang sinabi. What? His mom? Rhaegar’s mom doesn’t want me for his son, so my family either won’t let me be with him because they also think of me the same way as her mother said to me. I have nothing to gave nor to offer for his son.

“You have and live your life there peacefully but yet you still let him be with you. His mother would presumably talk to him at this hour to convince him of setting you far from him but he knew his son, he’s not what we are thinking. He loves you, and that makes him chasing you. He will not be going to obey anyone else, so in another way around. One of you should leave and be gone like dust on the air.” Tita Vera hinted, lips drew in line and brows arched for an evil curmudgeon plan.

My eyes weaken and my lips dramatically dropped open. It was her phrases that I assessed and solve instantly.

“I am not going anywhere.” I asserted in a straight voice.

My heart beats race as I glare at them back. They plan to get me and put me in a place where no one of them would get close to me, even Rhaegar is simping on me drastically.

“Hindi na ako aalis. I will never do the same mistake I made just because I was frightened by my own loss of capability. I haven’t care what name I have now. Leave me alone. That is the best thing you can do for me as a human not as your granddaughter, just even as a normal person who has her own life to live.” I said to them not to give them a defeat stance like I was before that I just let them decide and fool my blind thoughts.

“You have to, Ria.” Tita Vera pronounced.

Umiling iling ako sa kanila.

“I don’t have to, Tita Vera. Hinayaan ko kayo noon sa mga masasakit na salitang binitiwan niyo sa akin and you heard nothing from me, kayo ni Lolo. And now that you are gripping the things that give me joy and love you never give to me ay hahadlangan niyo? No, I won’t let you… I swear to myself that I respect you both but once I lost the only thing I have. I won’t let myself find any courage to have respect in the both of you.” I said to them then turn my back.

“Eleftheria!” Lolo’s voice thundered inside the room but I didn’t stop from walking out.

They are furious and pissed at me, so I am as well to them. They have done so far to me, the humiliation that I began to lose myselfs’ dignity and worth. They all did that to me. They give me reasons to make myself feel that I’m unworthy. And now that I found my strength to continue, I won’t let anyone take that away from me. No one else.

Lumabas ako ng silid at bumaba ng hagdan. Naabutan ko si Dad na nasa living area ng bahay at mukhang inaantay ako.

I halted at the staircase as I held on to the railings of it. I glanced in Dad’s way for a while.

I believe that he doesn’t know anything that happens to me when he’s far from his medication. He didn’t even know that his father changes my surname and taking the only name that my father could give me asides from being a great person to me.

I sighed smoothly, letting the burden out by sighing as if it can take away the matters I found problematic that bugs me.

Ipinagpatuloy ko ang pagbaba ng hagdan at nakita kong bumaling siya ng tingin sa akin. Natanaw ko siyang hawak ang kaniyang tungkod na kahoy na susuporta sa kaniya sa pagtayo.

I immediately attended his way and give him a small smile to make him feel light and assured him that there’s nothing bad happened in Lolo’s office.

He stared at me for a while and his eyes examine me.

“Aalis na po ako Dad,”

He didn’t flinch nor blink when I said my goodbye.

“You can stay here, Ria. It’s still your house…your home.” He said like he’s knowing what I am having difficulties with.

“Hindi na po Dad, sa condo ko na ako uuwi.”

“I know Papa said something could hurt you again, Ria. Kakausapin ko siya mamaya. Matagal man akong nawala ay alam kong may nangyari. And that is what I couldn’t let pass.” He said in seriousness.

I looked away. “It’s nothing, Dad…” I said in almost a breath.

“You are the most precious thing that everyone couldn’t have, Ria. You are special, always remember that.” His eyes slipped in remorse but in just a split of seconds, it faded. Then he looked away.

Dad always makes me feel that I’m really special. He treated me like no other than is better than me. He was so great that I admire how good a person he is.

“Thank you, Dad. Words can’t explain enough how much I’m happy that you are now getting better.” My lips plastered a very genuine and pleasant smile for him.

He then spread his arms for me as I immediately go and embraced him.

It was comforting. The fortress I would miss having when I feel discomfort in life.

I slipped from our embrace and I saw from afar, at the stairs, Lolo standing and glaring at me sharply. I looked away at hindi binigyang pansin ang gawi niya.

“I will visit you sometime, Dad. Take care of yourself.”

Umalis ako ng mansion na maluwag ang nararamdaman. Kahit na ganon pa ang naging usapan namin ni Lolo ay alam kong naging maayos iyon. Tita Vera and grandpa would probably stop on bugging me and Rhaegar.

Nakangiti at walang paglagyan naman ang maluwag kong dibdib na makita si Dad kanina na maayos na ang kalagayan. He wasn’t that fully recovered but still, he’s getting better.

I went on my condo unit at do’n muna ako tumuloy para bisitahin ang aking mga gamit. Hapon na rin at sa unit ko na rin ako nananghalian.

Rhaegar also texted me earlier to have checked if I’m fine and nothing bad happens. He’s worried and I get that. Hindi ko nga lang masabi sa kaniya na it was her mother who wants us to separate.

I was sitting at the edge of my bed in my room when he texted me earlier. At first, I thought he was mad at me because I didn’t let him accompany me early this morning. But now that he seems cool to me again, I feel relieved.

Rhaegar:

How was it? Are you fine? I’m worried, please text me.

Ako:

I’m in my unit now. It goes fine. Don’t worry that much about me. I’m alright.

I replied to him.

Rhaegar:

How about your Dad? Did you get along?

Ako:

Yup, I’m glad to see him.

He didn’t reply immediately but after a few minutes, he messages me.

Rhaegar:

Why aren’t you stay in my unit instead?

I typed in my reply.

Ako:

Babalik din ako ng unit mo mamaya. I will just have to checked and visit my things here.

Rhaegar:

Okay. Have you eaten your lunch?

I pursed my lips. He’s at work right?

Ako:

Yes. Ikaw ba? Are you done?

He immediately replied.

Rhaegar:

Yup,

Napakunot ang noon ko dahil sa mga oras na ito ay maaaring nasa conference room siya ngayon kasama ang mga board members in a meeting. But he managed to keep on texting me?

Rhaegar:

What are you doing?

Napanguso ako ron. He won’t really stop on making this conversation long and keep it ongoing.

Ako:

Sitting on my bed. Nasa meeting ka hindi ba?

I asked him because it’s not fine to me when he keeps on messaging me while he’s in the middle of a meeting. My phone vibrated, receiving a text from him.

Rhaegar:

Yup, sorry. I just want to check on you. And about what happened in the morning, I’m sorry.

Then I remember that he gets pissed at me when I didn’t let him dropped me by at the mansion. I understood why he gets pissed though.

Ako:

I’m sorry din if I didn’t let you. Maybe on my next visit to Dad, I’ll introduce you to him personally.

He didn’t reply immediately. And when a couple of minutes passed and I haven’t received any reply from him, I put back my phone inside my bag. He’s on a meeting, he should be focused on it kaya siguro hindi na siya nakapag-reply.

I went out of my room and went into the living area. My things were fine and still in their place as I roamed my eyes inside. I walked into my living area and when my eyes caught the table of vases, I approached it.

Nakita ko ang isang enveloped na naka singit sa likuran ng vase. Nangunot ang noon ko at nagtatakang kinuha iyon. It was also a kraft button string brown enveloped that I had left in Rhaegar’s unit. It was from my Mom and I wonder if it’s also from her. I don’t know if how this thing gets inside my condo but I didn’t care about it anymore if it’s really coming from my Mom.

Binuksan ko iyon at nakitang may papel na nakasulat ang address niya kung saan siya naroroon para kung sakaling pupuntahan ko siya ay lagi lang siyang naroon.

Hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko pa rin alam kung dapat ko na ba siyang kitain. But part of me says that this couldn’t take long. I have a lot of questions that my Dad cannot answer. I feel like I have this urge to meet her up immediately. My life was on its end hanged because of this question that ’why did she leave me?

I gasped and started to feel my heart stammered inside the cage of my chest as I held my phone. The address inside the envelope she sent me has her phone number again. I unlocked my phone and save her number.

On my urging part of the excitement, something crept on me that I should have called her. I’m not sure if she is saying the truth but the picture of me she sent was already enough to make me believe. It was enough to say that she was my mom. But still, I wanna know if she really is.

I dialed her number and the phone rang, racing on my fastened heartbeats inside my chest. I put the phone slightly on my ear and when the other line answered it, my lips parted.

I paused in breathing when I heard a very soft and mild voice over the phone.

“Hello? This is Celeste speaking. Who is this?” Her womanly alluring voice makes my chest thumped and stammered wildly inside its cage.

It feels like everything paused for a minute before I actually began to find my words to say. My chest was palpitating loudly and my mind can’t search for the phrases to say.

“Hello? Is someone there?”

Her motherly voice makes my eyes grew in hot sweat bullets that sting on my bottom lids. I swallowed hard when I felt my throat run dry.

“H-Hello?” I stuttered in nervousness and by the feeling of finally, I heard my mom’s voice.

I’m sure it was her. By her soft voice that lullabies me even, I haven’t heard her before. By my hitched breathing and loud throbbing chest, concluding that it was already her.

Natahimik ang nasa kabilang linya. Hindi ako nagsalita at pinakinggan lang cellphone ko.

“Eleftheria? Ikaw ba ’to anak?” I felt her voice shake.

I gasped when my lone tear shed. I bit my lower lip before I spoke.

“Are you really Celeste Eve Reyes?” I inquired even my thoughts confirming it was really her.

“Yes, I’m Celeste. K-Kumusta ka na?” Her voice sounds like she’s from a sob.

I wiped the lone tear that escaped in my eyes. I can feel by her words what she’s feeling at this moment. And telling what I am feeling, it was some sort of plane paper that started to fly in the wind anytime soon.

“Let’s meet, I want to get to know you… Ms. Celeste Reyes.” I hardly tried not to stutter as my chest was congested with the nervousness of this feeling.

“I will set us a dinner just tell me when you are free. I’m happy that you reached out to me, anak. If you just know how much I waited for this time to come.” She responded with an uplifted soft voice.

I didn’t say anything. Until now, I was stunned and still feel like it was really not happening.

“I’m really glad, Eleftheria. Thank you for letting us convene. I will wait for your time, anak. I will tell you everything…why this all happen.”

I looked down at my sight on the marbled floor.

“Yeah, I’ll text you when I set my schedule.” I only said then I immediately hang up the call.

I want to assert more but I just can’t. It’s not the perfect time. I want to ask her personally and not over the phone. Now that I confirmed that it was her, I can’t stop myself from this unexplainable feeling.

I feel happy that finally, my mom reached out for me. I feel sad whenever I remember that she wasn’t on my side as I grew up. I am excited to meet and see her. I can’t wait to hug her and call her my Mom. Even all my life I never imagine her face in my mind because Dad never talked about her. Pero dahil sa sinabi ni Dad sa akin na kamukha ko siya, it makes me imagined the most beautiful and elegant version of me.

Mahina akong bumuntong-hininga at ikinalma ang sarili. At nang gumaan na ang pakiramdam ko ay saka ko nilagay ang envelope sa aking bag at saka lumabas na ng unit ko pabalik ng condo ni Rhaegar.

As I go back here in Manila a lot of things happened. My Dad was finally home, I already talked to my grandpa, and especially now, that my mother is finally showed up for me. It was actually much but I bear to deal with it all with glee and commencement.

Rhaegar and I would have to talk about this but I don’t think I should have. It’s about my family and I want to take this for myself at the moment. Especially about my mom. This will be our very first meet after she left me to Dad when I was a baby. Probably I would inform him about this when I finally meet my mom.

I want first to get to know her. I want my questions to be solved and I believed she can feed me those answers that I’m craving since I was a little.

Bago pa lumubog ang araw ay natanaw ko na si Rhaegar sa pintuan pagbaba ko ng hagdanan galing ng kaniyang silid. He glanced on my way and my lips immediately plastered a curved of a soft smile.

His dark eyes showed up on me with a dim of excitement. Nang makababa ako ng hagdan ay mabilis niya akong hinuli at hinapit ang aking baywang. Habang ako naman ay inangkla ang aking mga kamay sa kaniyang batok.

He then neared his face and sealed my parted mouth with his luscious lips. It was passionate and I immediately felt my lips tingle in that subtle erotic kiss.

Nang maghiwalay ang aming mga labi ay namumungay ang mga mata niyang nakatingin sa akin ngayon. He’s still wearing his black coat that he started undressing and put on the sofa near us.

“How was your day?” I then asked him as he loosens up his necktie.

“I missed my secretary, don’t know why. Maybe I missed putting her on the sofa and at the top of my table inside my office.” He said with a hint of sensual dark.

I bit my lower lip, remembering what he does on me down there on his sofa. I immediately felt myself flushing.

He’s now glaring at me darkly. Pakiramdam ko ay ang tagal naming hindi nagkita sa maghapon na ito. That his features feel strange on me again. That his luscious lips insinuate of strange tingling feeling on me.

“Let’s have our dinner in bed, Aiden. I missed you so bad…” His large deep husky voice filled my hearing as I let him savor my lips from his sudden hunger kisses.

I missed him too. Even we stayed under one roof, I feel like we have been far from each other in the morning because he has to work and I had to meet my Dad. We only had one day here and yet I missed him so abruptly.

I let him pushed me down on his bed as the moon and stars started to illuminate inside his dimmed room. His dark menacing eyes bore on my body and the stubborn jaw that I held as he breathily kissed my careen neck.

My thought drowns every time his hot wet kisses sober me. It was quick of bliss that I don’t want to end up abruptly.

His skillful hands and the flickering sword of the tongue that always defeated my guards have defined the word of being a sport in a game. I always get defeated and left in the amazing pleasure of acceptance as he roughedly dominance me.

“Uhh, Rhaegar.” I moaned when his huge manhood gets inside my sensitive slit.

“Fuck, let me feed your hollow pit cave, baby.” He huskily whispered then suddenly pounding on me in no seconds left on it.

Stronger and rougher, he hammered me like I was his source of strength to continue its fastened pace.

“Rhaegar…” I moaned his name every heartfelt deep thrust he burried on my innermost.

Being with him was contentment. Having him in my side and treat me like I was her most, making me found my worth. Believing that this would last was like a dream come true and a wish come true that God fulfilled. Ending up with him was my very best last resort in this world and losing him will gonna be my life break down.

He made me believe that my life is worth having and keeping my bliss was to be on his side. Those promises he keeps are where I was holding on. And I will continue holding it tightly.

“I love you, Aiden…” He said as we both reached our haven climaxes.

“I love you too, Rhaegar…” I whispered back vulnerably while his lips crawling on my neck.

Kabanata 35

Kabanata 35

Mother

Maagang aalis si Rhaegar ngayon para sa trabaho. Pero kahit na gano’n ay hindi naman niya hinayaang hindi kami magsabay na kumain ng breakfast bago siya umalis.

We had talked about the work at his office and it’s kinda hectic especially that I have gone in the past weeks, with him either. He said that he doesn’t have a new secretary and it was only him who manages his schedule and everything he has to do.

I opt to come to his office but he didn’t allow me as well. Nagtataka man ay hinayaan ko nalang din dahil may plano rin akong gawin sa araw na ito. But when I tried my luck to keep on insisting I guess it will be working.

“I can work today, para may katulong ka sa opisina. I’m sure it wasn’t that effective without a secretary, Rhaegar. Let me help you just for today.” I said to him as he gets his glass of black coffee I made for him for breakfast.

“You sure? Hindi ka ba pupunta para bumisita sa Dad mo ngayong araw?” He then inquired as he put his cup of coffee on the table.

I twitched my lips. I planned to go and visit him at the mansion the next day because I had been there just yesterday. Also, the interaction between me, Lolo, and Tita Vera didn’t come that well kaya hindi na muna. I will let it pass in the meantime.

“Nope, maybe I will visit Dad in the next few days. I’m gonna work with you for today.” I pronounced.

“But aren’t you feeling sick? I’m worried, Aiden. You can stay and rest here, you don’t have to help me. Magpahinga ka nalang muna.” Rhaegar worriedly said to me.

I pursed my lips. “Hindi naman na ako nahihilo. And also I have nothing to do here in your condo. Kaya ko namang pumasok ngayon at tulungan ka. It would be work better that way. Please, let me…” I said then glanced at him as my eyes in beseech.

Nagsalubong naman ang dalawang makapal at itim nitong mga kilay na tumingin sa akin, na para bang pinag-iisipan niya kung hahayaan niya akong pumasok para tulungan siya.

And when I saw him let a sigh, I immediately bit my lower lip.

“Okay, fine.” He drawled that made my lips curved for a soft smile.

At first, I thought it will be hard to please him lalo na at wala talaga siyang balak na papasukin ako ng trabaho kaninang pagkagising namin. Nang maabutan niya akong dumuduwal sa bathroom.

I don’t feel any dizziness except of the feeling like something is lifting my abdomen to puke. I saw how Rhaegar worried about me kaya hindi na niya ako hinayaan pang pumasok. But now that I insist and he agreed to it finally, I really believe that he’s just worried about me.

I changed my clothes as he waits for me inside his room and arrive with him at the office later on. It was a bit odd to come with him entering the entrance of the lobby. Because we usually enter back then at the parking lot of his company building way going to the basement kaya hindi na kami napapadaan ng lobby at diretsong opisina na niya.

The employees and some of the attendant’s eyes focused on me as well as on Rhaegar’s way. But I don’t get to feel comfortable with it especially that his hand was resting on my waist, being territorial as we walked through the elevator. 

Like what he had to compromise before. We haven’t been that showy in public especially inside his company. I don’t like the idea of the employees when they have to think of it as my advantage on him being his secretary and favored at my work even the truth is not.

Bakas ang gulat sa mga mata ng mga empleyado habang ang iba naman ay ani mong hindi na nabigla pa sa amin. Napatingin pa ako kay Rhaegar nang nasa loob na kami ng elevator.

We haven’t talked about our being this open now and not that secretive relationship anymore. I know how much he likes this and I assume that I will get used to it in time as well. But every time we go out for dinner before, I guess we have made an image that time. Kaya hindi na dapat pa akong magulat kung mamaya lang ay kumalat na ang balitang kasama na ni Rhaegar ang kaniyang secretary na madalas nitong ka-dinner date noon. I then grimaced by my own thoughts of ideas.

I’m not worried about the say of the people, but what makes me feel bothered is that her mom. I haven’t asked him if what happens to them especially when he decided to put an end to the engagement that our both family arranged for him and Briana.  At hindi ko rin naman gusto ang ideyang pangunahan siya.

I want him to tell me about it but when if he didn’t, I will go ask him myself because I think I should have to know what happened. Lalo na at nalaman ko na ang ina niya pala ang kasama ng Lolo ko sa pagpapadala ng mga tauhan nito sa amin.

I respect his mom and I don’t want their bond of relationship to be ruined just beacause of me. I get that she doesn’t favor and agree to me for his son. But at least I want them to be on the good terms likewise when I haven’t been in his life before.

Pinagbukasan ako ng pintuan ni Rhaegar papasok ng kaniyang opisina at nauna akong naglakad patungo sa loob at nakasunod naman siya sa aking likuran. The usual thing at his office ay mas marami pa sa inakala ko ang mga trabahong kailangan niyang tapusin at gagawin sa araw na ito nang matanaw ko ang kaniyang malaking table na tambak ng maraming mga folders and envelopes. I noticed that his huge office doesn’t even change at all as we enter the doorway. The rustic black walls and perfect blends of lightning on the ceiling and marbled floors.

Nakita kong naroon pa rin ang ilang frame na nakita ko no’ng unang pasok ko rito. But what missed on those frames was the picture I broke back then. It was a picture of a man and a woman in silhouette. Mukhang hindi na iyon ipinabalik pa ni Rhaegar sa dati.

Natanaw ko ring naroon pa rin ang aking table at ang mga gamit kong mukhang hindi man lang nagalaw kahit isang buwan na rin akong hindi nakakapasok dito.

Binalingan ko siya ng tingin at nakita kong seryoso lang niya akong tinitingnan. The usual glares that I have always trembled, but this time I won’t be because I’m started to be used at it. I then plastered a small smile at him. He really knows that I will come back here kaya hindi pa rin niya pinapatanggal ang lamesa ko.

“I thought you hate clingy secretary? Why did you haven’t pulled out my table here inside your office when I’m gone?” I then asked him in curiousness.

He walked towards my way as I am now standing in front of my table, leaning in a bit in front.

“I decided to change my perception when it comes to you. I like it now when my secretary is beside me. I feel comfortable whenever I see you, Aiden. And just glaring at your way after a long tiring day, eased my exhaustion. That was the reason why I missed my secretary that much…inside my office…and beside my table.” He said while his voice was in a deep husky manner.

Lumapit pa siya sa akin at humakbang, sinakop ang ilang pulgada na pumapagitan sa aming dalawa. Nag-angat ako sa kaniya ng tingin at naramdaman ang paglapat ng kaniyang mga kamay sa aking likuran. Hinapit niya ang aking baywang at matamang tiningnan sa mga mata.

“Thank you for tracking me back…” I muttered softly as my sight didn’t leave his glares on me.

His eyes soften as he now glaring at me.

Then he slowly tilted his head and crouched for our lips to meet. I didn’t shut my mouth as I felt his subtle lips brush on mine blithesomely. It was short and when his gaze drifts at me back again, I gave him a hopeful smile.

I lift my hand and caressed his face. We didn’t blink, remain staring lovingly at each other.

His eyes softened but the immediate transit of gloom on it didn’t escape my vision. I can see that he’s in bliss but it was mixed with something raw of despair.

“Rhaegar!” A womanly voice howled from the doorway that made us quit from staring at each other.

My eyes widen a fraction when I saw her mom’s sharp glares directed at me from the doorway. Rhaegars’ arms resting on my back, he didn’t move and remain watching me while I started to get anxious.

Tiningala ko siya at tiningnan sa mga mata, nangangamba. His eyes were now in the dark and his lips grim as his jaw started to clenched to control himself from getting a storm.

And when I took a glance at her mother, she’s now walking towards our way. Malakas na kumalabog ang dibdib ko habang pinagmamasdan ang matalim at napupuyos nitong mga tingin na nasa akin ang tuon.

I swallowed hard as I slowly removed Rhaegar’s hand on my back. Naramdaman ko namang higpitan niya ang kapit niya sa aking likuran habang ako naman ay pilit na inaalis iyon.

“Rhaegar, your mom-” he cutted my shivered voice.

“Don’t leave me, okay?” He said as I saw in his eyes the nightmare he was scared about.

Napakurap kurap naman ako at saka umiling, naguguluhan. “No, I won’t…” I said assuringly, worried now.

Hinarap namin ang kaniyang ina na nakatayo na ngayon sa aming harapan at nakataas ang isang kilay na may disgustong mga matang nakatunghay sa akin.

“Mama,” it was Rhaegar who seriously called her.

I was standing beside Rhaegar as her mother slowly walked and get near more of us. Her red thin lips were in line as she curved it disgustingly on me.

Ang mga mata nitong matalim at may pangmamaliit sa akin ay halos hindi ko matagalan. Napalunok ako kasabay ng aking pagkurap.

“Hindi ba at sinabihan na kita noon? But why you keep yourself huddle on my son?” Her voice was sharp and her eyes narrowed on me.

“Ma’am, I love your son-”

“Who cares about your petty love, woman? My son never needs that. Do you really think that he will take this seriously? Rhaegar will never change. He’s a-”

“Mama!” Rhaegar’s voice thundered in a storm that filled the office.

Her mom’s chest heave as she breathes in hefty. Her eyes remain daggers on me while his son was glaring at her emphatically.

My mouth parted dramatically as my heart rapids in so much nervousness.

“That bitch bastard of Brayden won’t do any good to you son! You don’t know what crises she will bring on you. Rhaegar if you think of her deeply she’s a petty kind of woman. She didn’t even know her mother.” Ma’am Amanda heeds to his son like I’m such a woman with nothing but problems in life.

I saw Rhaegar’s eyes dimmed. It was blasting in rage that he’s controlling to out on his mother.

“Ma, you shouldn’t tell this to me. Wala ka pong alam tungkol dito-”

“I had her a background check.” His mom proclaimed that made Rhaegar’s expression stern and humid.

Maging ako man ay nagulat ng sabihin iyon ng kaniyang ina. Is that how much she wants me out of Rhaegar’s sight?

“Her mom was unknown. She’s just a daughter of Brayden to some black dove who flies lowly like a chicken. Maybe a slut or a whore in some prostitute bar that her father gets to released with her. That woman can be the same as her mother, a tree will bear fruit of its kind children are reflections of their parents. She will be like her mother, a strumpet.” Her mom’s words were like a sharp knife that digs on my back deeply.

I gritted my teeth. I respect Rhaegar’s mom but her words were already below the belt and already foul that could hurt me emotionally.

“Ma’am Amanda, I may never meet my mom ever since I was born but I know her name. She’s not an unknown like you were saying to her. Sobra naman po ata ’yung mga sinasabi niyo tungkol sa Mommy ko. And yes, I might be a bastard but I never think of myself being a slut-”

“You’re just like your Mom-”

“My Mom was not a whore nor a slut you were objectifying, Ma’am. You are being drastic towards a person you never meet. I might be a daughter of my Dad from another woman but that doesn’t mean that my mother was a strumpet you were contemning. I believe that she’s a great woman. I believe that she’s not that you’re pertaining her to be.” My voice strained as my eyes sting in hot.

She raised her brow on me and eyed me like she won’t buy any of my statements. Her disgusted eyes examine my whole being and her mouth parted in abhorrence.

“How come you believe in those lies that you made to yourself? Mas lalo lang sana kitang kakaawan but knowing that you’re with my son, I never give sympathy for people like you. Such a beggar that my son just picked out from the poor street.”

“Mama I said stop! I never see Aiden that way. And mostly she’s not a beggar that I just picked up in some street! Dimwit! I love the woman you are saying bullshits Mama. How can you be like this towards other people? You’re so ill, you’re doing it too much and I can’t seem to see you as my mom-”

A loud brittle slapped on Rhaegar’s face that makes my hot breaks fall.  Her mom’s eyes daggered on him while his head tilted on the other side from that unstoppable slap.

Then his mom’s sharp glares turn at me, darted with a raged of sharpness. Her lips twitch in trembles in so much agitation.

“How dare you talk to me this way, Rhaegar. Just because of your pity to this woman you had to say this to your own mother? I only want what is best for you-”

“And being with her wasn’t the best for me, gano’n ba, Ma?” Rhaegar’s voice was extremely stern and humid.

“Oo! Because this girl would never be the best because she’s vaguer from that.” Her mother resentment.

I took a step. I can see that this storm conversation won’t do far from any good. It will gonna be worsened if I wouldn’t speak up. Tutal ako naman ang lahat ng dahilan nito. Rhaegar wouldn’t say those words to his mother if it wasn’t for me. It’s all my cause and fault. But admitting it and taking an action towards it, will be a help in our situation.

“I’m sorry, Ma’am. But in defense of this all, I wanted to say that you cannot make me leave him again. I understand that you only want what is favorable to your son but this…all your judgments and resentment just made us prove that we can never be live together without it. Your son accepts me being pity like what you’re objectifying and making him more realize about my mother will only give him reason to sympathize with me. Mahal ko po ang anak niyo at nirerespeto ko kayo bilang ina niya. I’m sorry but we never validate people to decide in our relationship this time.” Ani ko nang may bigat na nakadagan sa aking dibdib.

Buong buhay ko ay masasabi kong nasanay na ako sa mga sinasabi ng ibang tao sa akin na katulad ako ng aking ina. Hindi pa man nila siya nakikita ay may panghuhusga na agad sa kanilang mga mata. Nasanay man ako pero kahit na kailan ay hindi nagbago ang sakit na ibinibigay niyon sa aking nararamdaman.

Masakit sa parte ko bilang isang anak na masabihan ang ina mo na isang kalapating mababa ang lipad. May katotohanan man ’yon o wala ay lubos pa rin akong naaapektuhan ng masasakit nilang mga salita. Para bang isa iyong malaking bato na inihagis sa iyo na magdudulot ng malaking sugat at mag-iiwan ng peklat na alalahanin mo na nangyari iyon sa iyong buhay.

It will gonna be a nightmare that you wouldn’t want to look back.

“Hinding hindi kita tatanggapin para sa anak ko. I will never ratify this kind of messed-up relationship that you are both trying to make up. And you Rhaegar, I knew you know what this means. Your my son and you made your own decision as I massively made my own as well. After this, tandaan mong wala ka ng inang pupuntahan pa.” I saw how the crystalline lone tear fell on his mom’s eyes before she left us.

“Ma,” Rhaegar’s deep husky voice dripped in bleak as he called his mom in almost a whisper.

I looked away and gaze at Rhaegar’s way. He looked stern and humid with his dusk glares directed on the path where his mother gone away out of his office.

And when his gazes drifted on me, it softens but the gloom remains. I know and I can feel how much he loves her mother that this circumstance inflicted us thoroughly. I feel in pain as well seeing him this way.

“I’m s-sorry, Rhaegar. I didn’t mean this to happen between you and your mom. H-Hindi ko intensyong ganito ang mangyari-”

“Hush…it’s okay Aiden, alright? It’s no one’s fault. It’s fine baby, I’m not mad…” He then pulled me for an embrace as I began my sobs.

All I managed to promised myself before is not to ruin a relationship…especially families. Like what I have done to my friend Sofi, she and her family got inflicted as well because of me. My family reasoned it out to them to make Sofi stays away from me but she didn’t listen. Instead, she disobeyed her parents and now she lives on her own…alone.

And now Rhaegar, I damaged their perfect family. Ito lang ba talaga ang tangi kong kayang gawin? Dahil ba wala akong masaya at kumpletong pamilya ay ganito na rin ang naging estado ko?

I wanted to have a family who has vigilance and will support you in everything. A family that would never define you based on what your own family happened to be. I want the structure of a picture-perfect family where a mother never meant to leave her own daughter.

I wanted to find my mom but I guess it was my pride and nervousness that stopping me. The lots of what if’s running into my head back then like, what if she really abandoned me. What if she doesn’t like me the reason why she left me. What if she regretted my life…what if she’s happy with someone else now and being away from me was her peace of mind? What if I was her biggest mistake she never wanted to reciprocate? What if…

I paused when my long list of what-ifs won’t end in so many. The thing is that I only want my mother to know and recognize me as her own.

The long and very exhausting day happened to end even the time, seconds, minutes, and hours seem so slow to pass by. Rhaegar was just silent as I remain glancing on his way the whole time in the office. I noticed that he preoccupied himself with his flooded works dahil natapos niya ang lahat ng iyon sa isang maghapon.

I know that this silence reasoned out what happened to us with his mom earlier this morning. I can’t seem to touch him dahil ako man sa sarili ko ay nalulungkot na ganon ang nangyari. No one wants it to happen and Rhaegar is right, it is no one’s fault. He didn’t actually have to choose, it was just her mother who can’t really accept me for him.

Pero alam at nararamdaman kong nalulungkot at nasasaktan din si Rhaegar dahil sa nangyari sa amin kanina. He loves her mom. I can see that at first glance. And seeing her mom shed a lone tear, it screams in pain that his only son disobeyed her. At ramdam ko kung gaano iyon kasakit na makita ko pa lang na mamalisbis iyon sa kaniyang mga mata. It hurts her big time as well as Rhaegar

That night I can’t let myself fall asleep. Rhaegar was on his huge bed as I am sitting on the solo sofa here on the open balcony. I was watching the night glistening sky as I think of my mom.

I have longed for her so long time ago. I have waited for this day to come that someday she will go and find me. And now that that day has come, I cannot believe to myself that I feel hesitant.

First, I am frightened that this meet-up will only make me realized that all my worst if’s was real. But lastly, I feel hopeful in seeing her that she might be in delight as well on seeing me personally and finally after two decades.

I let a soft sigh as I get my phone on my lap. I go to my phone call and find her name from the list.

Kalmado ang aking dibdib at buo na ang desisyong kausapin ang aking ina. I want my questions to be answered. That’s what my mind set at this moment as I listen to the phone ring when I dialed her number.

After a short rang she answered it. I relaxed myself and glance at the night sky again.

“Hello, Eleftheria?” Her womanly voice never failed to give me chills.

Kahit na hindi ko pa siya nakikita sa personal ay ramdam ko ng siya talaga ang aking ina. Her delicate voice seems to lullabies me like I was a baby as I am back then. It brings up that kind of ambiance in just listening to her voice.

I parted my shut mouth and breath for a second, preparing myself for the right words that I will about to utter anytime soon.

“Let’s meet each other Ms. Celeste. I’m free tomorrow.” I muttered in seriousness.

Silence filled the other line as I heard a gasped that cracked the peacefulness of the night sky between us. I heard her gasped like she was having a hard time in breathing.

“Y-You sure? I mean, if you are ready to meet me? I know that you are indignant of me. I don’t want to put pressure on you, Eleftheria. Kaya kong maghintay hanggang sa maging handa ka na. Alam kong malaki ang naging kasalanan ko sa iyo anak,” the gasped she was having earlier were now seems and sounds like it was a sob that she cannot contain anymore.

My chest tightened as I listen to her voice wailing on the other line. It makes me feel strained and my eyes grew hot that my bottom lids felt the hot lone tear that sting on my blurry vision.

“Y-Yeah, I’m ready to finally meet you… I’m ready to finally see you and asked you all my why’s and what happens. I’m ready… Ms. Celeste.” Hindi ko na nga napigilan ang kanina pang masikip kong dibdib na halos sumabog sa sobrang bigat ng nararamdaman.

Mayayakap at mahahagkan na rin kita pagkatapos ng maraming taon kong pagiging ulila sa ina. Makikita na rin kita sa wakas, Mommy. Hindi ako mapakali at tanging pagpatak lang ng mainit kong mga luha ang nagpapakalma sa magalak kong puso ngayon.

Kabanata 36

Kabanata 36

Truth

“Hindi ba maganda ang pakiramdam mo ngayon?” Rhaegar’s worried voice made me plaster a smile on him.

We’re now in his room, having our breakfast in bed that he made for me.

I shook my head and beam at him.

“I’m feeling well Rhaegar, you have nothing to worry about me. I just have important things to do for this day. Sorry, if I won’t make it to your office.”

“No, it’s fine. I just thought you are not feeling well.” He drawled in a deep large voice, now relieved.

I will be meeting up with my mom today. Hindi ko sinabi kay Rhaegar ang dahilan ko kung bakit hindi ako makakasama sa kaniya sa opisina ngayon. I don’t want to tell him this for the moment because I want to meet and know my mom first by myself. And in the time that I get to know her, maybe that will be the period I will have to meet my mom with him to finally introduce him. As well as to my Dad. I want my family to get to know who I am with.

Good thing at hindi na rin naman ako tinanong pa ni Rhaegar kung bakit. And about what happened yesterday, we haven’t talked about it yet. I’m sure that there’s a filling gap between him and his family. I wanted to opt to ask him but I know he’s adjusting and trying to divert his attention. But I hope and believe that his relationship with his dad was still great.

Naiwan akong mag-isa sa kaniyang condo unit nang pumasok na siya patungong office. Meanwhile, I was composing as well as relaxing myself before lunch. Tanghalian kasi ang napagkasunduan naming oras ng pagkikita.

She said that she will reserve us a table in the restaurant. I didn’t decline and just agreed to what she said.

I am now arranging my things and clothes that I will gonna wear later. I feel like I really have to be prepared for this day. I feel anxious as the hour passed by.

And when my phone beeped on the table when I was sitting in the living area of the unit, I immediately picked it up. It was Rhaegar and I actually thought that it’s gonna be my mom. But this ain’t a disappointment though.

From Rhaegar:

Just done with the meeting this morning. What are you doing?

I pursed my lips as I typed in my reply. It’s nearly lunch kaya siguro tapos na rin ang mga pang-umaga niyang mga meetings.

Ako:

Sitting on the couch. Gotta prepare as well,

I sent and stood up from my seat to go upstairs of his room to have myself a bath and prepare because it’s nearly time.

While I was in the middle of the staircase, I received another message from him.

Rhaegar:

Are you going to visit your dad? Eat lunch first, I will send it to my unit.

Maybe he concluded that I will be going to visit my dad today ay dahil sa sinabi ko sa kaniya nung isang araw. But then it’s fine, I’m just going to meet my mom.

Ako:

I will, huwag ka ng magpahatid ng pagkain sa unit.

I decided to just eat at the resto when I got there. He then replied immediately to my text.

Rhaegar:

The food was already in front of the unit.

Natigilan ako ron at ilang segundo pa ay nakarinig na ako ng doorbell. Napakurap kurap pa muna ako bago bumaba muli ng hagdan para pagbuksan iyon.

Rhaegar always sent me food for lunch lalo na kapag hindi kami magkasama at ngayon ko lang din tinanggihan kaso ay naipadeliever na rin pala niya. When I open the door I get the food that he always sent me. It was always from the same restaurant and I guarantee that the food he always sent me was all great.

“Uh, hindi na raw po ba kukuhanin Ma’am?” Tanong sa akin ng delivery boy pagkabukas ko ng pintuan at bumungad ako sa kaniya.

Nagulat naman ako ron kaya tiningnan ko pa muna ang aking phone at binasa ang mensahe ni Rhaegar.

Rhaegar:

I canceled it.

My mouth parted. Sayang naman at nandito na rin ang delivery, I assume that he also already paid for it.

“Kukuhanin ko na po kuya,” I said at the guy who seems shy at me.

Napakamot pa siya saglit sa kaniyang batok at hindi makatingin sa aking mga mata ng tuwid na iniabot ang paper bag sa akin.

“Sigurado po ba kayo Ma’am? Sabi po kasi ni boss ikansela nalang daw po.” Bakas ang pag-aalangan sa tono niya.

Nginitian ko naman siya. “Oo kuya, kukuhanin ko na at sayang naman po ang binyahe niyo papunta rito.” Ani ko sa kaniya.

And after I get the food that Rhaegar sends to me, the delivery boy says that it was already paid and him as well. I walked towards the kitchen and put it on the countertop afterward.

I then composed a message for Rhaegar.

Ako:

I get the food. Sayang naman at nandito na rin sa unit.

I texted him as I prepare a small amount of food na kakainin ko. I realized na kung mamaya pa ako kakain sa restaurant ay napagtanto kong baka hindi rin ako makakakain.

It will be our first meet and I am not sure kung masusundan pa ito pagkatapos. I went upstairs to his room to prepare myself after I ate my lunch. It’s past eleven and the agreed time was before one in the afternoon.

I took a quick bath and dressed myself neatly afterward. As I started wearing light makeup on my face ay hindi ko maiwasang isipin na magkamukha ba talaga kami ni Mommy gaya ng sinabi ni Dad sa akin, habang pinagmamasdan ko ang sariling repleksyon sa vanity mirror. I similarly like her, that’s what he said.

Nag-umpisa ng bumilis ang kabog ng aking dibdib sa kaba na nararamdaman ko. I went out of the unit and I took a taxi when I get outside the condominium.

Pakiramdam ko ay ang bilis ng oras dahil halos kanina lang ay hinihintay ko lang na magtanghali. But now I was looking outside the window of this car as I imagine what her face looks like. If it’s really similar to my soft features or not. If her voice over the phone was really that alluring.

I get my phone in my bag when I began to feel anxious. I texted Rhaegar to peel off this nervousness I am having in my chest. He’s my tranquil that made my unrestful feeling made at ease.

Ako:

Have you eaten your lunch?

Tangi kong mensahe sa kaniya. I waited for his reply until the taxi stopped in front of the hotel. I get preoccupied at bumaba na ako ng sasakyan. Tiningnan ko pang muli ang aking cellphone para tingnan kung nag-reply na ba siya.

When I haven’t seen anything I put it back inside my bag. Possibly he’s done having his lunch at this hour and doing his work now kaya hindi na napansin ang mensahe ko.

Pinagmasdan ko pa saglit ang labas ng hotel bago ko iyon tuluyang lakarin patungong lobby. Hindi ako mapakali at pakiramdam ko ay pinanlalamigan ako ng mga kamay sa sobrang kabang nararamdaman.

I composed my posture and bring back my breathing to its normal state as I get inside the elevator. I started to calm myself as I relaxed my breathing.

Nang bumukas ang elevator ay lumabas ako at tinungo ang resto. I was roaming my eyes around as I held my phone kung sakaling tawagan niya ako para hanapin.

But when my eyes caught the side corner of the resto when I got inside, I halted from taking another step. Nanliit ang mga mata ko at saglit pang napakurapkurap nang makita si Rhaegar dito.

His back was facing me kaya hindi ko makita ang kaniyang gawi. Napakunot ang noo ko dahil wala naman siyang sinabi sa aking pupunta siya rito. And what makes my forehead creased more is when I saw him waiting there.

I texted him if he already ate his lunch and I assume that he is and now busy at his work that he didn’t even notice my message to him. Pero ngayong makita ko siyang narito mag-isa at animong may hinihintay ay hindi nakatakas sa akin ang kuryosidad.

What is he doing here? I hurriedly stepped back a bit and hide on the wall near the entrance when I saw him took a glance on my way. Mabilis akong kinabahan dahil baka nakita niya ako.

I didn’t tell him that I will be meeting my mom and what he knows is that I will go visit my dad today kaya kung makikita niya ako dito ay baka magtaka siya. But what is he doing here as well? Alam niya bang pupunta ako rito?

But no, I really haven’t told him. But then what if he’s here because he has a set meeting with some of his business partners or colleagues? He couldn’t be on this resto meeting with someone else… nor with another woman. Kilala ko siya at simula nang naging kami ay wala naman akong nakitang ibang babae na nakasama niya bukod sa akin. He might be playing around before but I know he’s not anymore. He’s been done with that for a long time.

Sisilipin ko pa sana ang gawi niya para tingnan siyang muli kaso ay tumunog aking cellphone. Napatingin ang ilang mga tao sa akin kaya nagmadali akong halungkatin iyon sa loob ng aking bag. Before I finally get it ay nag-umpisa na rin akong naglakad palabas ng resto.

I held my phone as I went outside and when I look back at the resto ay nakita kong mali pala ang napuntahan ko. I was in the other cuisine.

Tiningnan ko kung sino iyong tumatawag sa aking phone at nang makitang si Mom iyon ay agad ko iyong sinagot.

“Hello?” I pronounced as I went through the elevator.

Naramdaman ko ang mabilis na pagkabog ng aking dibdib. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba ito sa nakita ko si Rhaegar na nandito rin o dahil sa tawag ng aking ina at sa nalalapit na naming pagkikita.

“I’m here at the place, are you…still home?” My mom asked me from the other line.

Naglakad naman na ako palabas ng resto at tinungo ang elevator. I pressed the right floor to get to the right restaurant of this hotel where our meet-up was set. I swallowed hard before I uttered when I felt my throat getting dried.

“I’m also here, on my way to the restaurant,” I answered, trying to sound calm even the inside of me was now getting on its feral.

“I will wait for you here near the entrance,” she said softly with a hint of seriousness.

Kahit ako man ay nagiging seryoso na sa mga oras na ito. I can’t be wronged by this wild nervous beating of my heart as it dwells on the fact that this is the time. That finally I’m gonna be meeting her.

As I went outside the elevator ay hindi ko maiwasang makaramdam ng kakaibang kaba na nabuhay sa aking dibdib. Ang kaninang isipin ko tungkol kay Rhaegar ay isinantabi ko muna. My mind was full and all I can count on at this moment is what is happening now. I focused on myself when I finally in the restaurant that my mom is saying to me.

Agad ko iyong tinungo pagkalabas na pagkalabas ko ng elevator. I roamed my eyes and checked my phone as well when I get to the entrance. Pumasok ako sa malawak na pintuan ng restaurant habang inililibot ang paningin sa paligid. My heart raced as I parted my lips to breathing and calm myself.

Where is she? Ang sabi niya ay hihintayin niya ako sa entrada ng resto? Tiningnan ko pa saglit ang lugar dahil baka namali na naman ako ng napuntahan. But when I realize that I can’t recognize her dahil kahit ni litrato niya ay hindi ko pa nakikita. Wala akong ideya kung ano ang kaniyang hitsura.

I looked at my phone again and decided to just call her instead. I heard a loud ring as I put my phone on my ear. I froze when I realize that those rings aren’t from my phone, it’s coming from behind my back.

“Eleftheria…” A womanly voice that already captured my hearing makes me rooted my feet at the marbled floor.

My mouth parted dramatically as my eyes widened a fraction. Mom…

At nang marahan akong tumalikod at harapin ko ang nasa likuran ko ay do’n na tuluyang namilog ang aking mga mata. My breath paused and my lips dropped in small o.

“Are you…Eleftheria?” Her voice quivered and her eyes glint in sting as I saw the hot tears swelled on her bottom lids.

I breathe heavily like I was catching the air I was lost earlier. My mind is now garbling to the thought that she can’t be my mother.

“Y-Your Ms. Celeste Eve Reyes?” I asked her in disbelief with my eyes grew hotter each time I confirm that I saw her already.

Her fair skin and very perfect eyes that alluring everybody who will just take a glance at her. She’s so beautiful that I can’t imagine her being my mom. She looks young and staring at her makes me feel like I was looking at my own reflection with some little unnoticed differences.

“Yes, I’m Celeste…” Now that I can see her eyes glut in tears and I saw it fell to her cheeks I feel weakened.

She then closed the distance between us and wrapped my body in her comforting embrace. While the phone on my hand almost slip as I let my tears shed on my face. She’s my mother? How is this happen?

She’s the woman I saw in the old picture. She’s the woman standing beside my Tito Corbray. She’s my Tito Corbray’s girlfriend back then. But…how is that happen that she becomes my mom?

Nag-umpisa ng maglakbay ang aking isipan at maligaw sa landas ng nakaraan. I want to ask her if she really is my mom because I still can’t believe it.

Nanigas ako sa aking kinatatayuan. Pinakawalan niya ako at ang kaniyang malungkot at nanghihinang mga mata ay may bumubuhay na kaunting saya na nakatunghay sa akin.

“N-No, you can’t be my mother. I haven’t seen my mom all my life. Kahit sa litrato man lang ay hindi nagawang ipakita ni Dad kung ano ang hitsura ng mommy ko. H-Hindi maaaring maging ikaw iyon.” My voice cracked.

I noticed that the people inside the restaurant were now staring in our way. I don’t care if we are making a scene here. I want to know the truth.

Umiling iling siya sa akin habang ang mga luha sa kaniyang mga mata ay walang patuloy sa pag-agos gaya ng sa akin. Her lips parted like she was so scared of what I just said. She held my both arms and look at me straight in the eyes.

“Eleftheria this is me, I am your mother… I’m sorry if I leave you before, anak. Pinagsisisihan kong ginawa ko iyon. But please hear me out. I want to tell you everything. Let me explain myself-” I cutted her broken voice with a mix of sobs of pain.

“No, I-I know you. You are my Tito Corbrays girlfriend. You can’t be my mom. No…no, please.” I said as my lips trembling and my shoulders drooping.

I saw how her eyes widened a fraction and lips parted dramatically. I felt his tight hold on my arms loosen as her eyes full of tears.

“L-Let me explain everything to you, please Eleftheria. Hear me out, I-I will tell you everything, anak…pakiusap.” Her voice was dripping in plead as her eyes were full of hope and plead at the same time.

I can’t find my words every time I think of her being my mom. She’s Tito Corbray’s girlfriend and Dad… he’s my uncle’s brother. It can’t be like this. This was a mistake, she’s not my mom. Baka nagkakamali lang siya.

I feel suffocated by my thoughts that I suddenly pulled my arms from her hold. She looked in pain and in so much sorrow that she pursed her lips like she was stopping her own excruciating sobs to escape. It was extremely hard to bear, the heavy burden of feelings you are stopping to come out. It was only making you feel more in pain.

I gasped as I shook my head at her.

“Tell me that you are not my real mom, please… My dad was your boyfriend’s b-brother. H-How could it be?-” I can’t recognize my voice anymore.

I was confused and frustrated that this is happening. My Dad never let me know what my Mom is, even how good he is to me, he never let me knew her face. But her name, she never refused to give that to me.

And thinking of it that this is his reason, there was an idea that is starting to build up on my mind that makes me resist believing in it. They were brothers and my mom… I just can’t accept what my Lolo is saying to me about her.

“I’m your mother-”

“I can’t, I-I’m sorry…” I said as I walked out of the place.

Naramdaman kong sundan niya ako ng mabibigat niyang mga yabag. I didn’t stop from walking away as I wiped my tears that soak my face from crying. 

“Eleftheria, pakiusap anak…magpapaliwanag ako. Please…” Her painful voice was stabbing my bruises back.

I didn’t look back at her. Naguguluhan ako at litong lito kung bakit naging ganito kakumplikado ang pamilya ko.

“Pakiusap anak ko…” Her tremor grief of voice was getting drowned by my whirlwind surge of conceptions.

Nagmamadali akong pumasok ng elevator at pinunasan ang mga luhang namalisbis sa aking pisngi. I pressed the ground floor immediately and before the door of the elevator closed I saw her crying with her shoulders shudders. She was looking at me weakly and with eyes filled with tears.

The elevator closed together with the tight shut of my eyes. Napahawak ako sa maliit na railing na nasa pader at don inalalay ang bigat na nararamdaman ko.

Masaya akong makikita ko na siya but I didn’t expect that my mom was here when I finally get to see her. Lola’s story about my Tito Corbray and Dad immediately flashed on my mind together with the exceeding conclusion when Celeste Eve Reyes came.

I know how my Dad admired Tito Corbray. I would never forget when I was a kid how he drinks alone and cried alone when Tito Corbray’s died. I can see how much he grief and fall in despair about my uncle’s death.

And now seeing my mom was my uncle’s girl correlation made me feel uneasy. It was bothering and extremely unimaginable situation for them.

Bagsak ang balikat at walang tigil sa pagbuhos ang aking mga luha na sumakay ng taxi. Gulong gulo ang aking isipan. Gusto kong masagot ang mga tanong na naglalaro sa aking isipan but hearing my mom’s response won’t make me feel at ease as well.

I was hurt. I feel in pain whenever I realize what people trying to say about my mom. I never pay attention to it before. I never make myself believe at that even I haven’t met and know her. I made my own perception that she’s great and not the woman they are proclaiming to be.

I want to know the truth. I want to ask Dad about it. It’s almost time and I’m out of age a long time ago. I need to know the things about this. And he is the only one I know who can prevail the truth in me.

Pinadiretso ko patungong mansion ang sasakyang sinasakyan ko. Hindi ko na ito pwedeng ipagpabukas pa. Kailangan malaman ang katotohanan. Matagal ko ng tinigilan ang paghahanap sa tunay kong pagkatao dahil kahit na kailan ay hindi naman ako binalikan ng aking ina.

But as the years passed I didn’t notice that the missing puzzle piece about myself wasn’t just an alone piece. I lost a lot of pieces about myself and this puzzle piece disappeared because it was hidden by my own family. It was hidden by those people who I believe is just wanted to protect me. 

My Lolo… I know now how he feels about me. I fully understand now where his anger was rooted. It must be hard for him to know about it. That his both son have the same woman. And what made him more furious is that she sees my mom as the threat in both men who have his blood.

Binayaran ko ang driver bago ako tuluyang bumaba ng taxi. At nang makita ako ng guard sa mansion ay dali dali niya iyong binuksan at pinapasok ako.

I didn’t have time to roam my eyes around like what I used to do. Diniretso ko ang lakad patungong mansion kahit na pagod at pakiramdam ko ay nanghihina na rin ako.

At nang maabutan ko ang bulwagang nakabukas ay agad ko iyong tinungo at pumasok sa loob. My eyes were narrowed mixed with a bleak feeling.

“Ria? Are you here to visit me?” My dad’s voice stopped me from taking another stepped towards the stairs of the mansion.

It was from behind me that I immediately turn around on his way to face him. I saw his glee reaction to see me here but when his eyes caught my sorrowful face, the smile on his lips slowly faded.

I didn’t move in my position. I just glared at him as my vision started to be blurry. My lips were trembling in a half-open.

“Is there a problem, Ria? What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” Dad’s voice dripped in worries as he slowly walked towards my way.

Nakita ko kung paano niyang ihakbang ang kaniyang mga paa kasabay ng pagdiin niya sa tungkod na kaniyang hawak.

I swallowed hard then wiped the tears that crept on my cheeks.

“Dad…is it true that Celeste Eve Reyes is my mom?” I asked that made him stop from walking near me.

Nakita ko kung paanong magmulat ang kaniyang mga mata sa hindi normal na pagdilat nito.

“Is she the woman that Tito Corbray’s girlfriend in the past? I saw their old picture when I was in Bulacan. She’s so young back then but I clearly know that it was her. I can’t be wrong, Daddy… Tell me…please.” I then plead to him.

My personality that I have lost before was now visible. The unknown woman who doesn’t know who and what is her mother is now in remorse that she can’t take to believe the hidden truth.

My Dad’s mouth parted, leaving me a sign that he was stunned, he’s surprised by my sudden questions to him.

“Ria…you never knew what your uncle and mom’s face-”

“Rhaegar I knew it. I see it by my own eyes from the old box in Bulacan where you and Tito were used to having their vacation every summer.” My voice raised a bit in so much frustration.

His eyes glisten in seriousness. His jaw moved and his eyes looked away on me as he narrowed it on the floor.

“Paano mong masasabing sila nga iyong nakita mo sa litrato, Ria. Hindi mo-” I cutted him for the second time.

“Dad, Lola Sita was there. She told me a story about you and Tito Corbray. And asking you that my mom was the woman in the picture, ay dahil iyon sa nakita ko na siya. Dad nakita at nakausap ko na si Celeste Eve Reyes kanina… And there, I confirmed that it was really her.”

My Dad’s glares at me darken as his jaw moved in seriousness. I saw how his eyes narrowed in pain as he darted it on me.

I then gasped because of the heaved anguish breathing that pinned on my chest.

“D-Dad…tell me she wasn’t the woman that Lolo is judging to be. Because if she really is, I don’t know how to accept the fact. Please, tell me the truth…” I said with my lips trembled and eyes in tears.

Dad eyed me with his controlling pain on his expression. His eyes were bloodshot as it bores on me now.

“She is, Ria…patawarin mo ako.”

Those words gave me chills. I frozed, lips parted as my vague vision shut, making the sting clung in tears at the bottom lid of my eyes fall.

Kabanata 37

Kabanata 37

Father

Tears won’t stop from falling on my cheeks as my lips trembled by the truth. Tito Corbray was a good man. Dad was admiring him ever since. I really believe that he was devastated by those years he gets drunk and cried because he was in grief that his brother is dead.

But thinking of it thoroughly, he was in despair of guilt. It was the truth that is sailing in my mind.

Kapatid niya is Tito Corbray kaya paano niyang magagawa iyon sa taong mahal ng kapatid niya? They were great brothers. They used to be helping and bond with the fondness of each other. Dad can’t just do it with his sibling.

All along I was relieved by the truth that my Dad was the very decent and the kindest man I ever know. He was so good at me. He showered me love like what Lola used to give me as well when she was alive. But this? Knowing the truth that my mother was his brother’s woman… I just can’t accept it.

It…it was so unbearable to imagine how broken Tito Corbray back then when he knew that his beloved brother and the special woman of his life has a thing between. It was like a piercing knife that stabbed you in the back. It was a kind of betrayal that even how much you wanted to fight for it, mapanghihinaan ka nalang ng loob dahil kapatid mo ’yon.

And reminiscing how good my uncle back then, make my heart dwell in pain. He was a good-hearted man. He was the kind of person that could make you feel comfortable in every way. Siya yung tipo ng tao na handang magbigay at magparaya. Because he’s the eldest and being a good eldest possesses the attributes of being considerate and thoughtful. He has more than good traits, he was the man that every people will admire.

Ako ang nasasaktan sa tuwing iisipin ko iyon. And now that I know the truth, Dad’s image in me got tinted. Hindi ko lang lubos akalain na sa dinami rami ng babae sa mundo ay ang karelasyon pa ng kapatid niya. It was like a forbidden rule that every people commonly know.

But in their case, it feels uneasy and extremely scornful. Despite being a good brother of Tito Corbray, he didn’t even think that this kind of inconceivable might happen. Misery and betrayal was never been the comfort of it all. It commenced the nightmare of those people who got involved.

Hindi ko alam kung paanong haharapin ang lahat ng ito. Pakiramdam ko ay mas lalo ko lang nawala at hindi na lubusang tanggapin ang pagkatao ko. I feel like I was the result of their furor. And I can’t accept the fact that I was the reason why they all lost Tito Corbray.

Napapaisip ako kung alam ba ni Lolo ang lahat ng ito. If he really knows that I was the fruit of betrayals of the two brothers that he loved and give life to this world. If his anger for me was rooted by it.

Umuwi ako ng unit ko na lumilipad ang isipan sa mga nangyayari. It was a big blow to me that I can’t even perceive to assess everything. Dahil ako mismo sa sarili ko ay hindi matanggap iyon.

I leave Dad at the mansion with my lips in a grim and eyes bloodshot. He seems to have a lot to say but I was eager to move out. I was in hurry to leave the place near him that I cannot take to stay longer.

Wala ako sa kondisyong pakinggan ang lahat ng paliwanag nila sa ngayon. Gulat at gulong gulo pa ang aking isipan sa lahat ng posible nilang sabihin sa akin.

Bagsak ang balikat ko at pagod ang talukap ng aking mga matang pabagsak na naupo sa aking kama. Nanghihina at walang ideya kung ano ba ang dapat kong gawin ngayon.

Should I ask her again? Should I meet her again and treat her like my mom that had been left me for almost my whole life. I didn’t know that she was the mother I used to protect in my mind. That she’s the woman I used to think grateful things because something little inside me hope… believed that she wasn’t the woman that my grandpa pertains.

I feel disappointed in myself because I was the one who made that expectation and hopes that haven’t been meant to be real.

Nag-stay ako sa unit ko at hindi ko namalayang hinila na pala ako ng antok sa sobrang pag-iisip. Pagod at wala pa ring ideya ang pumapasok sa aking isipan.

Nang magising ako, I took a glance at my wrist to check the time. I stood up from my bed. It’s near seven in the evening and I’m sure that Rhaegar was on his unit now.

Tumungo muna ako ng kusina nang makalabas ako ng kwarto ko para uminom ng tubig. Pakiramdam ko ay tuyot na tuyot ako dahil sa naging pag-iyak kanina.

I even felt my throat husked when I cleared it. I swallowed hard and let a heavy sigh when the happenings of this day flashed in my mind again. I still can’t process it but then, I just shook it off my head dahil alam kong mas lalo lang akong manlulumo sa tuwing iisipin ko iyon.

Kinuha ko ang aking cellphone habang nakaupo sa stool sa counter ng kitchen ko. I checked my phone if Rhaegar texted me dahil baka naabutan niya akong wala sa kaniyang unit. He might be worried about me. At baka hinahanap na rin niya ako.

Nang makitang wala ni isang mensahe niya ron ay nangunot ang aking noo. Hindi pa ba siya nakakauwi? And when I checked my inbox and I only saw my mom’s messages to me. I immediately read it.

Kanina pa iyon at wala rin talaga akong balak na basahin ngunit may parte sa loob kong gusto pang muli siyang makausap. We have talked and seen each other personally but having a decent and peaceful conversation, we haven’t. Siguro ay marahil na rin sa hindi ko inasahang siya pala ang aking ina.

From Celeste:

Eleftheria, I’m really sorry. Please give me another chance. Let me explain myself to you.

From Celeste:

I can wait for you again until you are ready. Gusto kong malaman mo na hindi ko ginusto na iwanan ka anak.

From Celeste:

Alam kong naguguluhan ka, pero sana ay hayaan mo akong ipaliwanag sa iyo ang lahat.

Napakurap kurap ako nang maramdamang mag-init ang aking mga mata. I slid back my phone inside my bag. Alam ko sa sarili kong hindi ako matatahimik hangga’t hindi ko nalalaman ang totoo. But meeting her again won’t make me feel at ease. I’m not ready yet I guess.

Then I realized that when will I be ready? I can think that I would never be ready about it dahil takot akong harapin iyon. Kaya hindi ko na dapat pang hintayin kung kailan ako magiging handa. I may be set a schedule with her again tomorrow or in the next day to come.

Lumabas na ako ng aking condo unit at tinungo ang elevator daladala ang aking maliit na bag. I was now heading to Rhaegar’s floor. Hindi ko maiwasang pagmasdan ang namumungay ko ng pagod na mga mata sa salamin ng elevator. I may be feeling stressed inside but my face didn’t seem to be. My eyes were weary and a bit swollen but my skin was glowing and my cheeks reddish.

Nang nasa tapat na ako ng pintuan ng unit ni Rhaegar, I pressed the doorbell button. I don’t have a key card nor his password to open his unit kaya hinihintay kong pagbuksan niya ako. But when I pressed it for the second time at wala pa rin ay sumilip na ako sa peephole para tingnan ang loob. But I see nothing but the darkroom.

Nangunot ang aking noo at saka kinuha ang aking phone sa loob ng bag ko. Isn’t he home yet? It’s past seven in the evening and he wasn’t still home. Where is he?

I dialed his number and wait for his answer but then in surprise, it didn’t come. He was out of coverage. His phone might be dead either off kaya hindi ko siya matawagan.

I was about to go to the elevator and go back to my unit when I remember that I saw him earlier at the hotel. I was so sure that it was him but what I’m not sure is who he was going to meet up with there.

Nang makita ko siya kanina sa loob ng resto ay mukhang may hinihintay siya. His eyes were serious and dim as he roamed his eyes on my way. I was stunned by that time dahil baka nakita niya ako. Hindi ako sigurado kung may ka-meeting siya sa labas ngayong araw o ideya na may kikitain siya.

Not that he needs to inform me about everything he has to do even his whereabouts. It’s just that I used to him knowing where he was and now that I saw him outside na hindi ko alam na may kikitain siya, I feel worried. Kahit man ako ay hindi ko sinabing makikipagkita ako sa aking ina ngayong araw, but then I found it private on my own dahil gusto ko munang sarilinin.

He was messaging me the morning before lunch at magugulat nalang akong nasa restaurant siya kalaunan. I will assume at this time that he was there for a company meeting but seeing his unit in dark and without any traces of his presence made me in doubt.

He should be home at this hour. Madalas siyang umuwi bago mag-dinner pero ngayon ay inabot na siya ng dilim. It was like the first day we come home from Bulacan. He has a meeting with my Dad na hindi ko naman nagawang itanong kung ano at hindi rin siya nakauwi ng maaga non hanggang sa makatulugan ko nalang din ang paghihintay sa kaniya.

I went on the elevator and stayed in my condo unit for tonight. I tried texting him and wait for his response but nothing came. He was always out of coverage whenever I tried to call him.

I started to feel worried dahil hindi pa naman siya umuwi ng ganitong oras nang hindi ako sinasabihan. He couldn’t be in their house because his mom was mad at him. I don’t actually have any idea where he was right at the moment.

I shifted on my bed at humarap sa lamp table nang hindi ako mapakali. I’m thinking about where he was and what is he doing at this hour.

Maybe he’s still in his office at tinatapos lahat ng kailang tapusin. But he wouldn’t be, I help him out yesterday and I was so sure that his work for today was the new arrive ones.

So where is he? Naisipan kong i-text si Zion para sana tanungin siya kaso ay pinigilan ko rin ang aking sarili dahil ayaw ko namang mag-isip siya ng iba sa nangyayari sa amin ni Rhaegar. I calm down myself and waited for his reply.

Minutes passed until it became an hour ay wala pa ring message na nanggagaling kay Rhaegar. Hindi ko na rin namalayan na nakatulugan ko na rin ang paghihintay sa kaniya.

The next morning ay nagising ako sa maingay na pagtunog ng aking cellphone. I reached it at the side table and put it on my ears without checking if who it was.

“Hello, who’s this?” I breathily said as I blinked my eyes, adjusting to the light.

Naupo ako sa aking kama at pinakinggan ang tahimik sa kabilang linya.

“Hello?” I said again when no one’s spoke.

“I’m outside your unit, Ria.”

Napakurap kurap ako at nang matantong si Tita Vera iyong kausap ko sa kabilang linya ay agad akong bumangon sa aking kama. The phone call ended as I walk towards the living area.

What is she doing here at this early hour? Nang buksan ko ang pintuan ay nakita ko ngang si Tita Vera. She was standing sophisticatedly as her sharp intimidating eyes bore on me.

I didn’t look away, instead, I glared at her. She’s wearing a very formal dress with a small black detailed bag in her hand.

“Anong ginagawa mo rito?” Hindi ko napigilan ang sarili na magsalita sa gano’ng paraan.

She remained to stare at me, narrowly. “Papa, send me here.” She muttered like it was enough to make me understand why she here.

Napakunot ang noo ko ron. Pero kalaunan ay nilakihan ko ang bukas ng pintuan para patuluyin siya.

She then glared at me first before she walked in. I watched her roamed her eyes around my place and when she stopped near the sofa I halted and face her.

I just woke up and if she’s here to ruined my morning ay hindi ako magdadalawang isip na palabasin siya. I believed that Lolo sent her here because they now know what I had gained about my mom yesterday.

“What brings you here, Tita Vera?” I then asked her directedly.

Her sharp eyes drifted on me. “You already knew what your father is. I believe…you now know where to place yourself. Papa made sure that your father won’t know about your surname changes. At ngayong alam mo na kung sino ang iyong ina, pwede ka ng tuluyang maglaho sa landas namin.”

I creased my forehead. Mawala sa landas nila?

“What do you mean? Ni hindi ko kayo ginugulo ni Lolo, kayo ang dumadaan sa tahimik kong landas-”

“You cross the line first, Ria. The first time you cried in this world nagulo na ang lahat. You were the mistake that Papa and I will never entertain. And now is the time to finally get over us. Huwag mo ng dalawin pa ang ama mo.” She sternly said with the conviction of ending everything that binds our paths.

Nagulat ako ron at hindi inasahan ang sinabi niya. My lips parted.

Kahit pa ganon ang naging paghusga ko kay Dad kahapon ay hindi naman ibig sabihin niyon na ayaw ko na siyang makita pang muli. I also wanted to talk to him. I know that he also has his own side part of the story na kailangan kong malaman.

“Hindi ako papayag Tita Vera. I still want to check on Dad-”

“After what happened yesterday? I can’t believe you. Tigilan mo na Ria, wala ka ng mahihita pa.” She then took a step near me.

“I have never done anything wrong to you-” she cutted me off again this time.

“The moment you are born you already made me a mistake. I was bearing a child that time and then you happened as well. What do you want me to think about it? What do you want me to feel at that moment, Ria?” Her voice sharpened and her eyes flaming.

“But I was only a child back then Tita Vera. Wala akong kinalaman sa mga nangyayari sa inyo. So don’t ever blame me-”

My breath heave as my head tilted by her sudden slap on my face. It was intense that I get numb for seconds.

“You must be a child back then but you never know how it feels when your husband has a child with another woman. Your mother must be out of our sight but you remain. At hindi mo alam kung gaanong pasakit sa akin ang makita ka sa araw araw kong buhay simula pagkabata mo. You are the living nightmare I never wanted to see. Kaya sana lang, Ria, lumayo ka na. Dahil simula pa lang ay wala ka namang pamilya na aasahan sa amin.” She fired that doubled the pain of her slap on my face.

It was more than a slap, it was like pouring you a cup of hot coffee to make you wake up from those lies that I always told to myself.

Namimilog at naluluha ang aking mga matang nilabanan ang titig niya sa akin. My lips formed in line but my eyes swelled with painful tears that I never let flowed down on my cheeks.

I am not going to cry. I reminded myself. I will not cry because I shed more than a bucket of tears for this family. I’m done letting my weakness consumed me. I’m done being this pity for myself. I should be better and accept the fact that I will never be a part of them.

“I was once a De Laughrey and I promise you that I would not be again. If that what makes you in peace and makes your nightmare set sail far from you, then I will. Kasi maski ako, I would never be comfortable seeing you and Lolo getting rid of me.” I said getting tough.

They want me gone ever since. Ako lang talaga itong masikap at mahilig ipilit ang sarili sa kanila kahit ilang beses na akong pinagtabuyan. And now that I found myself and realize that it was useless because they will never give time to reserve for acceptance in me.

“We will go back abroad and have checked for Brayden’s health condition in the next few days. It will be better that we settle this indenture this early. I expect you to be true to your words, Ria. Stay…still…on your line and never cross again.” She remarked.

I shifted in my place then gaze at her with my head proudly up on her.

“I make sure of that, but at least give me one more time with him before you fly abroad.”

Her eyes blinked and seem thinking of it thoroughly.

“One last time, that’s all I can give you. After that, you will never come back.”

That conversation made me feel lost. This time, I will totally lose my family. But then when I remember my mom, I can’t feel that she can be with me either. Pero hindi ko lubos na maisip na makakasama ko siya.

Remembering the thoughts that played in my mind between her, my Dad, and my uncle make me feel at grief. It was too much to think and accept that I was really made by a mistake.

Tita Vera left me after that conversation. I agree and she is as well. Bibisita akong muli kay Dad pagkatapos kong makipagkita kay mom. I decided to message her to inform her that I want us to meet again. I send her the details and the time.

I ready myself and didn’t eat my breakfast. It’s past nine in the morning and I sleep too much last night. Inihanda ko muli ang aking sarili dahil gaya nung nakaraang oras ng pagkikita namin ay ganon din ang pinadala ko sa kaniya sa mensahe.

I then remembered Rhaegar if he’s home by now. Pero nang maisip na maaari ay nasa opisina na niya siya ngayon ay hindi ko mapigilang magtaka.

When I checked my phone before I went to the bathroom, I sat on the solo sofa near my bed. I browsed my messages and find out that he wasn’t still replying to me. In my list of missed calls, his name wasn’t even there. I called him more than several times last night and he didn’t even bother to call me back? I also stay here in my unit that he doesn’t want me to be dahil mas gusto niyang sa unit niya ako naglalagi.

I let a heavy sigh. Sa susunod ko nalang siya kakausapin. At this moment I have to face my mom and dad about myself. This shouldn’t be left behind lalo na at hindi ako matatahimik hangga’t hindi ko nalalaman kung ano ba ang nangyari noon. If how this thing happened reason why Lolo loathed me so much.

I didn’t waste any time and I go early at the coffee shop where I planned us to meet. I ordered some snacks that would fill my stomach dahil hindi pa ako nakakapag dinner at breakfast.

It’s nearly twelve in the afternoon at isang oras pa bago ang napagpasiyahan naming oras. I texted her earlier and she responded immediately. She was so eager and very attentive to my every reply.

Ilang minuto pa ang lumipas ay namataan ko na siya na naglalakad papasok ng coffee shop. Natanaw kong itaas niya ang sunglasses niyang suot at tinanaw ang buong lugar na para bang naghahanap ng pupwestuhan. But when her eyes caught my way, her eyes widen a fraction.

It’s only thirty minutes before the scheduled time and she’s also this early to see me. Natanaw ko siyang maglakad patungo sa aking pwesto. My table was almost on the corner of this huge coffee shop. I want us to have privacy even just a few distances with some customers inside.

She walked towards my way, wearing her simple elegant loose black blazer that hugs her petite shoulders and a plain white top thin blouse with her over-the-knee black skirt that has ruffled on its edge. She looks young if you look at her. We look the same but we still have differences. Kaya kahit sa isang tingin mo lang sa amin ay hindi mo talaga maipagkakaila na mag-ina kaming dalawa. You would even think that we’re just only sisters.

I shifted on my sit and fixed my mini dress that also has ruffled on its sleeves. I then glared at her straight from my sit when she finally standing in front of me.

I can see how her eyes filled in worriedness and nervousness as she glances at me.

“Maupo po kayo,” I simply said to her.

I managed myself not to do anything that could bring me into something emotional. I was so shocked to see her yesterday and up until now, I was still in awe watching her every delicate move.

She let a small smile on her lips before she sat in front of me. Siya nga talaga iyong babaeng kasama ni Tito Corbray sa litrato. Hindi ako pwedeng magkamali, siya ’yon at wala ng iba. Dahil ni hindi man lang siya tumanda bagkus ay mas lalo lang nadepina ang kaniyang kagandahan ngayon.

“I’m glad that you contacted me. I’m so sorry if I startled you yesterday-” I cutted her off.

Ayaw ko ng magpaligoy ligoy pa. I wanted to know her reasons. I wanted to know why she left me. I wanted to know if how this happened between her and the brother of the man of his life.

“You are Tito Corbray’s girlfriend in the past, tell me… how you become my mom when the fact that I was his brother’s son to you?” My voice was driven in discomfort as I asked her that.

I saw how her eyes dilated in a fraction.

“I never know what my mom looks like because my Dad never let me recognize her. Even Tito Corbray, I never know his face what like. Pero nang magtungo ako sa Bulacan, do’n ko nakita ang litrato niyong dalawa. Kaya hindi ako pwedeng magkamali na ikaw ’yon. And now that you’re back and inaugurating that my mom is you… I just can’t help myself to not believe in you.” I then added with a hint of dismay.

She looked down before she spoke. Eyes remain on the cup of coffee in front of me then lifted on my way.

“Eleftheria, I was your Tito Corbray girlfriend that time. And you’re right I was the one with him in that picture. And I get that this might confuse you because Brayden never let you know about me and your uncle. But this I want you to know… I never cheat on your uncle. Corbray was the only man I loved since then and up until now, it never fades and will forever remain.” She pronounced it like it was the truth and what she really felt for a long time ago.

Naramdaman kong manuyo ang aking lalamunan at ang aking mga labi sa kaniyang mga sinabi. If that’s the case how come that my father was…

“I never love and endure Brayden’s confession dahil kapatid siya ni Corbray. I only loved your Dad, Eleftheria. I only give my heart to Corbray and no one else but only him.”

Her words giving me chills that summarize the story behind it all. No…tell me she’s lying this time. But if she is saying the truth, I don’t have any idea how my heart will retract from the whole life I had been used to have.

It could be the truth or just the lie that my Dad hid to me a long time ago. Who really is my real father?

Kabanata 38

Kabanata 38

Call

Naguguluhan at nalilito ako sa mga sinasabi niya. Tiningnan ko siya sa aking harapan na nakakunot ang noo at timpi ang aking mga labi.

Seryoso ang mga mata niyang may bahid ng pag-aalala na nakatingin sa akin. Her hands were now on the table as her eyes locked on my hand. Like she wants to hold me but she just stopping herself too.

“What do you mean? You loved my uncle and at the same time you are still with my Dad?” I asked her, confused.

“Hindi gano’n anak-”

“Then what? Naguguluhan na po ako. Hindi ko alam kung ano pa ba ang paniniwalaan ko. You left me a long time ago and now that you are back the situation is confusing me.” Hindi ko na napigilan pa ang sarili ko.

I am so confused and frustrated that this happened. I never think that I could be more someone else. That I am not the real me the whole life I was living.

“Anak patawarain mo ako. Hindi ko gustong iwanan ka. Nais ko mang kuhanin ka ay wala akong kakayahan noon. I’m just a poor rat that cannot give the life you are living at this moment. I have nothing to make your life better. Ni kahit bahay na matitirhan ay wala ako noon. I lived in the slum after you were born. And when your Dad…passed away.” She said with her eyes in the gloom.

I gulped and gasped when I felt my chest tightened. I parted my lips to find the words I lost.

“D-Dad… passed away?” My voice trembled and my eyes were in a fraction of dreading.

“Eleftheria, your father is not Brayden. Si Corbray ang tunay mong ama.”

And there were my eyes filled with sting fearful tears that I was concluding despite in disbelief. Hindi ako makapaniwala dahilan para walang salita na mamutawi sa aking mga labi. Bagsak ang bibig ko at ang mga mata’y humahapdi sa mainit na pagluha.

I felt my heart congest that I can’t almost catch the air to breathe. I was so stunned that I even looked down when I can’t hold my shedding tears anymore.

“Your father is Corbray. I never loved Brayden, Eleftheria. I loved your father and that will never change kahit na wala na siya ngayon anak. Siya lang at hindi na magiging kahit na sino.” Her voice weakened as I lift my tearful eyes and saw how her cheeks damp in tears as well.

“H-How is this happened? I lived and grew up with Dad, so how did Tito Corbray become my father? Tell me…please,” my chest heave as I caught my breath in between my sobs.

“Brayden…he… Eleftheria this is so sensitive at alam kong ito pa lang ay nahihirapan ka ng tanggapin at paniwalaan–” I cutted her off.

“This isn’t enough, Mom. I want to know how this all happened. Tell me why you left me with Dad if the truth is that I am the daughter of Tito Corbray. Kailangan kong malaman kung bakit.” I pronounced, stopping myself from letting my sweat of eyes sting more each second.

Kailangan kong malaman ang tunay na nangyari. Alam kong mahirap sa sitwasyon ko dahil masyado akong nabigla at hindi inasahan ang ganito kakomplikadong pagkakabuhol na mga pangyayari sa pamilya ko. But even I’m not ready to know these things this early. When is the time will I be ready if the burden of it was just the same and equal to take.

“Eleftheria…”

“Mom please tell me, para isang sakit nalang.” I plead in tears, my voice strained that there is a lot more behind it.

Nakita ko sa mga mata niya ang pagdadalawang isip na sabihin sa akin at pagdaan ng takot at kirot sa sakit na nararamdaman niya para sa akin. Para sa sitwasyon naming pareho.

“I will tell you, alright? Just please calm down anak. Huminahon ka muna.” She said in a very worried tone.

Napahawak ako sa aking mukha at pinunasan ang basa ko ng mga pisngi. And when I saw her hand lend on me with a tiny handkerchief on it, I looked up to her. She gave me a weary small smile to accept the thin cloth that will dry my tears away. I accept it and calmed down myself.

I manage my breathing to be back in its normal state. At nang mag-angat akong muli kay Mom ng tingin ay nakita kong magtawag siya ng waiter.

“Water please,” aniya sa babae na dumalo sa kaniyang pagtawag na mabilis din namang tumugon.

Nang makaalis ang waitress ay naramdaman ko ang malamyos na pagtitig niya sa akin. I now calmed and tame a bit. Wala akong ibang iniisip sa mga oras na ito kundi bakit hindi ko ito nalaman noon pa. If why Dad keep this from me.

Kaya ba gano’n nalang ang takot niyang malaman na nakita ko na si Mommy? Kaya ba gano’n nalang din ang sinabi niya sa akin nung araw na bisitahin ko siya at magtanong ako tungkol sa aking ina.

That whatever will be my moms’ reason I should understand it and most importantly is to forgive those who got involved with her reason. It was so quiet hid for a long time that burried deeply as I grew up. This truth won’t prevail if my Mom didn’t come back for me.

“Umimom ka muna ng tubig. I know this is hard for you, Eleftheria. I have been through that and I regret how my actions reflect on my despair when your father died. Alam kong hindi sa’yo sasabihin ni Brayden ito.” She said while I put down the glass of water on the table after I took a sip.

Mahina akong bumuntong-hininga at bahagyang kalmado na rin ang aking pakiramdam ngayon. Pero kahit na ganon ay hindi pa rin nawawala ang bigat at sakit niyon sa aking dibdib dahil sa mga nalaman.

“Bakit niyo po ako iniwan kay Dad? Dahil po ba kay Lolo?” I then asked her dahil wala na akong makitang ibang dahilan kung bakit niya ginawa iyon.

Nagbaba siya ng tingin sa akin na para bang inaalala ang lahat ng nangyari noon. Her mouth parted and utter the story I wanted to know to finally answer the question of my life.

“Aaminin ko na naging hadlang ang Lolo mo sa relasyon namin ni Corbray noon. He was so mad that his son choose to be with me. Your father was a great man. He loved and respect his parents and valued what family is to him. That’s how honorable he is. We spend the summer together until it happened every year of vacation he spent in my province.” She paused and gave me a small weary smile that plaster on her lips.

“Hanggang sa isang araw ay natagpuan nalang namin ang aming mga sariling lunod sa nararamdaman ng bawat isa. His brother Brayden also happened to come by then.” Nag-angat siya sa akin ng tingin at hindi nakawala sa aking paningin kung paanong dumaloy sa kaniyang mga mata ang sakit at pait ng nakaraan habang inaalala niya iyon.

“Corbray was the eldest and he seems to be indulgent towards everything when it comes to his brother Brayden. I was so young back then when I fall in love with your father… Corbray.”

Nakaramdam ako ng kirot sa aking dibdib ng sabihin niya iyon. Her voice was so subtle but the pain on it dripped towards my hearing. It was so pure and sharp that will stab you directly to feel how much he loved Tito Corbray…my Dad.

“It was always a perfect summer whenever he’s there for months. And it just changed when his brother came by. Corbray seems to be preoccupied with the farm at that time kaya madalas na si Brayden ang ipinapasama niya sa akin. Tuwing ipapahatid niya ako sa kapatid niya dahil abala siya at naiintidinhan ko ’yon. But then unfortunate happen,” her eyes glued on me with distress.

Ramdam ko sa tono ng pananalita niya na ang lahat ay naging panandalian lamang at mabilis na nagbago nang isang bakasyon nang si Dad ang nakasama niya at hindi si Tito Corbray.

“Brayden confessed to me. I never approach. I hardly tried to avoid him. It was the best thing I should do at that time. Dahil alam kong hindi ko siya magagawang magustuhan dahil kapatid niya si Corbray. At alam ko kung ano ang posibleng hindi magandang mamamagitan sa dalawa sa panahong iyon. Kapag nagkataon na masuklian ko ang binibigay ni Brayden na atensyon sa akin na hindi naman maibigay ni Corbray sa akin. I was lost and frustrated by our relationship, and I know my mistake.”

“You cheat on my Dad-”

“Hindi sa gano’n Eleftheria-”

“Then what do you call in entertaining my Dad’s brother approach to you?” I asked her in discomfort.

She looked down, her glares put back on the table again.

“I know it was a mistake at nilinaw ko kay Brayden na mali ang inakala niya. Corbray was aware of what happened, I told him everything. Until we thought everything was fine… No, until I assume everything where back in its place again.” Tumigil siya at hinuli ang aking mga tingin na alerto sa lahat ng kaniyang sinasabi.

I saw how her eyes filled with fear that burdens her like a nightmare at night.

“What happened after? Pa’no ako napunta kay Dad at iniwan mo ako, Mom.” I said and I can’t hide the bitterness of pain that strained on my voice.

I saw how her lips shivered before she utter. Her eyes were not focusing and she looks very anxious that made me feel worried. Mabilis na lumakas ang pintig ng puso ko na makita ang kaninang payapang ekspresyon niya na agad na napalitan ng pagkabalisa. I know that in the next part she will have to say how this all began. How this all happened and I know that it will just blow my mind.

“That night, Corbray was called by your grandpa. I was waiting for him at our meeting place and he didn’t show up. Hindi ko inasahang si Brayden ang darating. He looks drunk that night. H-He seems mad and he’s drowned by his heartache. I was alone… I-I was weak…” I saw how my mom’s chest heave and raised in waives like she was having a hard time breathing. She was struggling for words and I tried to calm her.

I lean on the table and reach her hands when I felt her getting anxious. She lifts her frightened teary eyes on me as her lips trembling before she speaks once again.

“Eleftheria… B-Brayden raped me.” My mom’s voice broke as she started letting a continuous heavy sob.

My mouth dropped and my eyes widen as I felt my eyes grew hot again. I was calculating and processing what she just said to me and when I realized that I can’t understand, even the truth is that I just can’t seem to believe what she just said.

“M-Mom, t-tell me that I just heard it wrong.”

It was a very sensitive topic for her, either for me. It wasn’t just that simple to say because it was a trauma that every woman who got experienced it will stumble and fall in despair. It’s something serious that shouldn’t be taken lightly.

She constantly shook her head to me. Her eyes were now filled with tears that she immediately wiped.

“T-That’s the truth, Eleftheria. ’Yon din ang naging rason para kuhanin ka ni Brayden sa akin. It’s not your grandpa who resist my relationship with Corbray. It’s Brayden who ruined us. He assaulted me the reason why Corbray leaves me.”

“B-But how I become Tito Corbrays’ daughter-”

“Because we made love first before Brayden attacked me that night. I was so sure that it wasn’t Brayden. Alam kong si Corbray ang ama mo pero hindi niya ako pinaniwalaan. He was fuming mad to his brother at wala pa kaming magiging basehan hangga’t hindi pa kita naisisilang, anak.” Her voice was ruined as her eyes gaze at me like I should believe her.

Mabilis namang bumagsak ang dalawa kong balikat sa bigat na pinapasan nito. Ang mga mata ko ay hindi nagawang kumurap hanggang sa lumabo iyon dahil sa luhang nagbabadya muling bumagsak sa aking mga pisngi.

“But when the day you were born, C-Corbray… he was rushed in the hospital because of the car accident. S-Sobrang bigat at sakit sa dibdib ko anak na hindi ka man lang naabutan ng ama mong umiiyak habang tangan kita. Hindi ka man lang niya nabuhat at nayakap. Hindi ka man lang niya nagawang makita at mahagkan. I feel like it’s the start and the end of my world. It was the end because he’s now gone. H-He’s now leaving me without any turning back anymore. And it’s the start because I still have you. That I should still live my life because before he leaves me that day, he left me you…he gave me you that bestowed me a reason to live my life just for you this time.”

I can’t take how their past hurt me. It was extremely excruciating that even in the next future this happened will remain and refresh like it just happens yesterday. It was so fresh at the back of my mind every time I imagine how my mom surpassed that. It was so tough that fate throws to her the harsh things in life.

All my life I only imagined her leaving me because she was just the mistress of my Dad. That she has a lot of things to do and having me was the hinder to accomplish it all. But then I imagine it wrong. She was having this nightmare with her and living her everyday life without me in her arms was a life-wasting, dahil wala na nga si Dad…nawala pa ako sa kaniya.

Mom then stood from her seat and sat beside me. She wrapped me in her soft and warm embrace that I never get to know where is the last time I have this. I hugged her back with my hot tears flowed down my cheeks, nonstop.

The truth was so painful but I manage to bear it all. Dahil kung si Mom ay nagawang kayanin ito paano pa kaya ako. I admire her for that. It wasn’t easy, it’s a very life-changing situation that makes everyone stronger.

Pero kahit na anong tibay mo, kahit pa gaano ka man kalakas…ang ay lahat may kahinaan. Lahat ay may kinakatakutan. And those nightmares we faced in our everyday lives shaping us not to be prone to the pain, but to be strong to face and conquer it in the time that we are braver enough.

“I-I’m sorry, anak. I’m so sorry, patawarin mo ako Ria. Hindi ko ginustong iwanan ka noong sanggol ka pa lamang. Kahit kailan ay walang araw na hindi ko pinagsisihang maging ganito lang ako. If I only had the strength to fight for you back then, I possibly have you with me. You are probably not oppressed by the truth. I’m really sorry, sana mapatawad mo ako anak ko…” Her soft silent sobs make my heart contracts in the sting.

I constantly nod my head at her back as my lips were in a harsh bit, stopping my wailed to escape. It was just so heavy to think how hard the situation she went through.

“I understand you now, Mom. I love you, mommy. I love you, kayo ni Daddy. Kahit na hindi ko man siya nakita o naabutan man lang ay alam at ramdam ko kung gaano siya kabuting tao. I believed that he’s guiding us both in heaven. I believe that he wasn’t mad at you. He was just hurt when he knew what happened. I understand him and I believe you as well.”

I cried on her shoulders like I was a lost little girl that finally found her mother after waiting for her on the post. Not walking anywhere because her mother taught her to just stay still when she’s lost so that she can find her easily.

“I love you too, Eleftheria…my daughter. Gusto kong malaman mo na hindi kita sinukuang kuhain at balikan noon sa mansion. Hinanap kita nang tinago ka nila sa akin. I tried my luck and very best each day I tried.”

Mapait at mariin akong napalunok para bumaba ang malaking lamparang bumabara sa likod ng aking lalamunan. Nanunuyo ang aking mga labi at ang bigat ng aking pakiramdam. I feel tragic that this all needs to happen to us.

Somehow, I feel better that I finally have the truth. I feel at ease that my Mom is now with me. But at the same time, I feel like I’m torn that the father I admire and believed that who only gave me affection when Lola passed away, was the reason why this all happened to us. Dad was not my real father. And my real Dad is now dead.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mararamdaman ko. Gusto kong magalit at kamuhian si Dad dahil kung hindi dahil sa kaniya ay sana kumpleto pa ang pamilya namin. If it’s not because of him, I will have my real father beside me. Guiding and showering me and my mom his very passionate and extremely benevolent love.

But then I was in a rage. His good deeds are tainted by his past recklessly cruel actions. Pakiramdam ko ay hindi matutumbasan ng kabutihan at pagmamahal na ibinigay at ipinaramdam niya sa akin kung ikukumpara sa mabigat na mga kasalanang ginawa niya kay Mom and Tito Corbray- Dad noon.

Lives were affected. Our lives and family get a big-time damaged because of him. He inflicted us pain that leaves us in grief and detachment from one another.

I was exhausted and I feel weak after that conversation. Mom asked me if I wanted to go home and rest. I opt to not but my eyes can’t lie on her. Also, I know that I can feel how my body dreary about everything I found out for this day.

“Ihahatid na kita, I bring my car outside the shop.” She warmingly insisted.

Tumango lang ako sa kaniya at tipid siyang nginitian. Inabot na rin kami ng dapit hapon sa pag-uusap at pagkalma sa bawat isa. Masarap pala sa pakiramdam nang may inang nagpaparamdam sayo na magiging maayos din ang lahat sa kabila ng sakit at problemang pinagdadaanan mo. My heart dwells in her comfort and soft gestures for me.

The feeling of having someone comforting you and experiencing the care of a mother was extremely different in any aspect of affection towards everybody. It was the warmth of home that you will always find comfortable and safe, it was the fortress of all.

I get inside my Mom’s car that will take me home to my condominium. Tahimik lang din akong nakaupo sa backseat katabi siya na may malamyos na mga ngiti sa kaniyang labi para sa akin. Kita at ramdam ko ang pagkamangha sa kaniyang mga matang nagniningning sa saya na nakatitig sa akin.

“Maligaya ako at nakita na rin kita anak. I’m truly glad that I finally meet and tell you everything. You like my carbon copy but the features of Corbray were still visible on your features. I can see him in you.” She then said to me with her glistening eyes adorably.

“The old picture I saw in Bulacan. Tanging ’yon lang po ang litratong nakita ko si Dad. It was old and seems vague by the details of its print. Gusto ko po sanang makita si Dad, but I have no pictures of him. I actually didn’t know what he looks like back then and you as well mom.”

Malungkot siyang ngumiti sa akin.

“Wala na rin kaming ibang litratong dalawa kundi tanging iyon lang, anak. Mabuti na rin at naitabi ko iyon sa kabinet. I know it was a long story and it’s also a long tiring day for you, Eleftheria. Magpahinga ka muna ngayong gabi.”

And that’s what really happened. Humalik ako sa kaniyang pisngi at isang mahigpit na yakap pa muna ang iginawad niya sa akin bago ako tuluyang naglakad papasok ng condominium building.

Her eyes were stalking me as I walk inside. Inanyayahan ko rin siyang sumama sa aking unit kahit na sandali ngunit sinabi niyang baka sa mga susunod na araw na lamang niya bibisitahin ang unit ko. She said that I looked drain and I need a rest. Masaya naman ako na kahit hindi ako nagsasabi ng nararamdaman ko ay naiintindihan niya iyon agad.

I was now in my unit when I lay down in my bed. I then shut my eyes but I immediately opened them as well when I remember that I have to meet my Dad tomorrow morning. Tita Vera texted me that they will be boarding in the next day and I only have time with him tomorrow.

An idea of our last conversation tomorrow making me feel uncomfortable. I have an agreement with Tita Vera and I’m not sure if it will change kapag nalaman nilang hindi ko naman talaga tunay na ama si Dad. I don’t think that Lolo knows about it as well. They just all know that I’m Dad’s bastard to a woman.

I wonder if their treatment towards me will change or not. I wonder if what will gonna happen between me and Dad.  I loved and treat him as my real father dahil lumaki ako na ’yon ang alam ko. Pero ngayong nalaman ko na siya pala ang dahilan kung bakit ang lahat ng ito ay nangyari sa pamilya namin, pinanghihinaan ako ng loob na harapin siya.

Hindi ko lubos na maisip na sa likod ng mabait at mapagmahal niyang anggulo sa aking mga mata ay nakakubli ang bakas at marka ng nakaraan niyang sumira sa pamilya ko.

I can now fully understand why he’s devastated since when I was a kid. It was years passed and still, he was grieving and drown by his guilt from the past.

Nalilito ako kung bakit kahit na gusto ko mang magalit sa kaniya ay hindi ko magawa. Sa halip ay inaalala ko rin kung anong nararamdaman niya pagkatapos ng lahat ng mga nangyari.

Because I will never forget how he cried hard with a bottle of liquor in his hands. His bowed head on the island bar as his large silent sobs crept on me that night when I was a little.

He might be in so much pain after all it happened. But still, I want to have talked to him. I still respect him but I don’t know how to treat him after Mom told me everything.

Bumangon ako sa aking kama at inabot ang aking cellphone sa side table kalaunan. I opened my phone and checked if I have messages or missed calls from Rhaegar because I turned it off since I was with my mom this noon.

But when I saw nothing ay hindi ko maiwasang mapakunot ang noo. My messages for him last night weren’t still answered. He didn’t reply nor even called me back. He didn’t even bother to ask me if where I am. I haven’t seen him for almost two days at kahit isang text ay wala man lang akong natatanggap mula sa kaniya.

Hindi ko rin naman siya nasasabihan tungkol sa nangyayari sa pamilya ko dahil balak kong sabihin sa kaniya kapag naayos ko na ito, lalo na sa pagitan namin ni Mommy. But it seems unusual to him for not checking and asking me from time to time.

I then tried calling him again. But this time it rang but it takes a long before he answered my call.

Natahimik ako at pinakinggan muna ang kabilang linya nang sagutin niya ang tawag ko.

“Rhaegar, nasa’n ka?” I then immediately asked him when I heard loud booze music in the background.

“Tangina mo, Theron!”

“Stop it you two! Rhaegar can you just buckle up your fucking self?”

I heard a deep large voice in the background. It seems that they were in the bar or any clubs. What is he doing there? Bakit hindi man lang niya ako sinabihan na pupunta siya ro’n?

“Hello?” Ani kong muli at napabangon na sa kamang hinihigaan ko ngayon dahil hindi mapakali sa naririnig sa kabilang linya.

“Hey, Ria.” A deep large voice response.

It’s not Rhaegar.

“Sino ’to?”

“It’s Zion-”

“Where is Rhaegar? Why you are the one who gets picked up the call for him? Nasa club ba kayo?” I asked him with my voice sound like I was getting mad.

“Yes, I’m sorry. Rhaegar is with us.” He drawled deeply.

“Anong ginagawa niyo diyan-” he abruptly cutted me off.

“Remember what I told you back then, Ria? You shouldn’t love this man. You will just get hurt. I’ve warned you and yet you still didn’t trust me.” His voice deepens in seriousness.

Napalunok naman ako ron sa sinabi niya.

“W-What do you mean, Zion?” I felt my heart began to beat rapidly.

I heard him let a heavy sigh. His background was now clear and looks like he got away from the crowd and loud music of the club.

“This man was insane, he can’t be with the two. And now that she’s back, he’s now getting his leash back in its place. And I’m worried that he can’t be the same Rhaegar you love anymore. I’m scared that this man might leave you.”

Kabanata 39

Kabanata 39

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It was confusing and night buggering after he ended the call when someone snatched the phone from Zion.

I get worried and my thoughts almost knocked out that night. It was the disturbance of Rhaegar’s set in my head. He hasn’t been here in his condo unit since last night and I spent my night here in my condo for two consecutive nights.

Dalawang araw na rin kaming hindi nagkakausap. Tapos ngayon ay malalaman kong nasa club siya. I’d tried to call him several times and I also sent him messages but what did I get from him? Nothing.

Marami akong rason na ibinigay sa isipan ko na baka sakaling abala lang siya o kaya naman ay hindi lang talaga niya napapansin ang mga tawag at mensahe ko sa kaniya. Pero ano ba naman ang mag-reply ka man lang sa mga messages ko or even just a one-minute call for me. Asking if where I was, checking if I’m fine or what even I am doing. Pero wala.

Hindi ko na naman siya maintindihan. Nag-uumpisa na naman niyang guluhin ang isipan ko na gaya ng dati na madalas niyang gawin. He’s becoming moody o kaya naman ay bigla nalang magiging malamig ang trato sa’yo na hindi mo man lang alam ang kaniyang nagiging rason. It was so blurred. He was so vague.

Inisip kong mabuti kung may mali ba akong nagawa o kung saang anggulo ba may problema sa aming dalawa. Pero kahit na anong pilit kong isipin kung mayron ba ay wala akong makitang butas o kahit problema sa relasyon naming dalawa.

Simula ng sinundan niya ako ng Bulacan ay hindi ko naman na naramdaman ang kakaibang pagtrato niya sa akin. He was so good and it was bliss. He’s very caring and passionate towards me every time. He became more than what I expect him to be. We even have a beautiful night the last time I slept on his condo unit. But then after that, he started to become out of my reach.

At first, I didn’t get worried dahil abala ako sa mga bago kong natuklasan sa pamilya ko. I was preoccupied with my mom and dad’s business that matters to me at this time. Na kahit pa magpahanggang ngayon ay kailangan ko pa ring i-deal with. It’s very important to me kaya hindi ko magawang pagtuonan ng pansin ang mga simpleng naging pagbabago ni Rhaegar.

But then, I want to think that we are just alright. He’s just out for two days and so I am. I haven’t seen him nor heard his voice neither. Our relationship was not at stake dahil wala naman akong dapat na ipag-alala. He made me a promise.

Our circumstances made us stronger last time. I shouldn’t give him the benefit of the doubt. He might be at the club tonight, but I believe that he’s just there with Zion and Theron to have loosened up because of the very hectic and busy schedule in the office.

Kahit na ganon pa man ang aking isipin ay hindi pa rin mawaglit sa aking dibdib ang kirot, dahil hindi man lang niya ako nagawang tawagan at mag-reply sa mga messages ko sa kaniya.

Ayaw ko mang isipin na may problema dahil wala naman akong nakikitang rason para magkaroon ay binabagabag pa rin ako ng aking isipan na dapat ay hindi ganito ang trato niya sa akin. I may be longed and seek for attention and affection towards him but I was never that obsessed with it. I just get worried dahil alam kong kapag ganito ang kaniyang nagiging pagtrato ay may hindi mabuting nangyari.

Thinking of it right now frustrated me already. Somehow, I admit that I neglected our relationship because of my parents. Hindi ko man maitatanggi ay hindi ko rin nagawang sabihin sa kaniya iyon.

Does he know about it kaya iniiwasan niya ang mga phone calls ko? Is he mad at me? Then the question started to gush in my head after that.

Hindi ko alam kung paano akong nakatulog ng gabing ’yon. I wanted to go to the club to have checked on Rhaegar kaso ay hindi ko na rin tinuloy dahil sa kakaibang kabog ng dibdib ko. I was nervous that I don’t understand if why.

The next morning I wake up was because of the loud ring of my phone from my side table. Mabilis kong inabot iyon at kinuha. I sat on my bed and brushed my hair with my finger comb to put it at the side of my shoulder. But when I was about to answer the call I felt my stomach having discomfort and the sensation of wanting to vomit.

I hurriedly stood up from my bed and run towards my bathroom. Halos isubsob ko ang aking mukhan sa sink habang dumuduwal ng tubig. Naramdaman kong maluha luha ang aking mga mata habang mahigpit ang hawak ko sa gilid ng sink. I breathed after I felt like I’m getting well now.

Malalim ang naging paghinga ko at saka agad na binuksan ang gripo. Maluha-luha ko pang saglit na pinagmasdan ang aking sarili sa salamin bago ko binasa ang aking mukha. I washed my face and calm myself down.

I turn off the faucet and glance at my wet face as I breathe slowly. Pinakiramdaman ko ang sarili kung masama na naman ba ang aking pakiramdam dahil nagsusuka na naman ako. And when I checked my forehead and neck I feel warm and nearly in hot temperature.

I dried my face with a free towel inside my bathroom at nang maalala ang aking phone na may tumatawag kanina ay lumabas na rin ako para tingnan kung sino iyon.

I saw it vibrated again for another call so I got it answered this time. I put my phone in my ear as I walk towards the doorway of my room, going outside to my kitchen to have a drink of medicine, and a glass of water because I feel sick.

“I am calling you for almost four consecutive times.” It was Tita Vera’s hostile voice towards me.

“I’m sorry, I just feel uneasy this morning. Why you called?” I asked her as I poured my glass of water when I get inside my kitchen.

“We will be having our flight this early noon. I give you two or an hour with Brayden. And as a conformed to what we have discussed last time, you will leave us after that.” She said it like it was some business we settled and agreed on already.

I held my glass, aamba na sa pag-inom ng tubig when I parted my mouth to speak.

“Tumutupad ako sa usapan, Tita Vera. After maybe an hour or less ay aalis na rin agad ako at hindi na magtatagal pa.” I then muttered.

“That’s great to hear then, ayaw ko ng patagalin pa ang usapan niyo.”

I sipped on my glass. I have to confront my Dad about my real father. About the past and his brother. I wasn’t able to move forward hanggang hindi ko siya natatanong tungkol don.

Malaki ang naging dahilan niya para maging ganito ang kahantungan ng pamilya namin ngayon. If it wasn’t because of him, my real Dad must be here on my side. Our family was probably complete and I don’t have to suffer this way towards my grandpa. Ayaw ko man siyang sisihin dahil minahal at tinuring ko siyang tunay kong ama dahil ’yon ang inakala ko. Pero kahit saang anggulo mo titingnan ay malaki ang pagkakamaling naidulot niya sa amin.

At ang pagkakamaling iyon ay kahit na kailan ay hindi na pwedeng baguhin pa at gawing tama. All he can do was to made and change his life to better than it was back then. That way he cannot do the same mistake again.

I get prepared myself and went down of the condominium to have a ride way back to the mansion and meet my Dad for this time…for the last time I guess. It’s early eight in the morning and I have to think of Rhaegar. Nakasakay na ako sa loob ng taxi habang ang mga tingin ko ay nakatutop sa maliwanag na nagtatayugang establisyemento ng syudad nang sumagi siya sa aking isipan.

Pakiramdam ko ay ang tagal tagal na naming hindi nagkikita. I already miss his usual dark scowl and deep large husky voice. His deep glares and subtle kisses he was giving me with his warm embrace every night and sunrise. I’m missing it all at this moment.

After this, I will go and visit you Rhaegar at the office. I have to see you. I want to see you because I’m missing you already. I let a small sigh then glance at the road where the huge gate was now in front of us.

Nang makapasok kami sa loob at ihinto ang sasakyan sa baba ng hagdan paakyat ng bulwagan ay agad rin akong nagbayad bago tuluyang bumaba ng sasakyan. Natatanaw ko mula sa aking kinatatayuan si Tita Vera na mukhang patungo sa labas para tingnan kung sino iyong maaaring dumating.

When she saw my way her brows shot up, she then raised it a bit afterward. Walang sali-salita ay umakyat na ako patungong bulwagan. Nanguna siya at tahimik lang kaming pareho.

Gusto ko siyang tanungin kung alam ba niya na hindi naman talaga ako tunay na anak ni Daddy. I wanted to know if she just really loathed me because I was his husband’s daughter with another woman. If it will be changed if she knows that I wasn’t really from his husband’s specimen.

“He’s inside our room. You can go upstairs and have talked to him there. Ilang oras nalang din at aalis na kami.” She suddenly said as we both halted from taking another step near the staircase.

She faced me and I can see how her face languid on me.

“I also wanted to talk to you, not just Dad. Both of you.” I muttered which makes her forehead creased.

“What is this about?”

I didn’t answer her. We stared at each other for a while before she finally went upstairs first before me. Ramdam ko ang pagtataka at kita ko ang mga tanong at palaisipan sa kaniyang mga matang nakatitig sa akin kanina. She didn’t know the truth as well. I wondered if grandpa is also unaware of the truth.

Nang magtungo kami sa silid ni Dad ay sinubukan ko pang ayusin ang aking tindig. Dahil nang bumukas ang pintuan at sinabayan ng langitngit nito ay nag-umpisa nang kumabog ng mabilis ang aking dibdib.

Tita Vera went inside at sumunod naman ako. Nang maisara ko ang pintuan at matanawan si Dad na nakaupo sa isang wheelchair at nakaharap sa malawak na balkonahe ng bahay ay hindi ko maiwasang panghinaan ng loob.

He’s the man I firstly admired. He’s the first man I loved before anyone else. But he still lied to me. He still hides the truth even I know it will just cause us all pain. But still, it should be out. He should tell me the truth even how much it will inflict us. He should have faced his consequences that he made in his past.

“Brayden,” pagkuha ng atensyon ni Tita Vera kay Dad na nananatiling nakatalikod sa amin.

Alam kong alam at nararamdaman niya ang presensya ko ngayon pero hindi ko na nagawa pang magtaka kung bakit hindi niya ako kayang harapin. He knows what his fault and he knows what this all means will affect him now.

“Hanggang kailan mo balak na itago sa amin ang katotohanan, Dad?” I suddenly asked him when I feel that he has no plan to face me at all.

Nakita ko ang paghigpit ng kapit ng kaniyang kamay sa hand rest ng kaniyang upuan. I took a step near him. My heartbeat was in a slow raced as I tried to maintain my coolness. I still respected him and letting my anger conducted me won’t let me moved on after this. I don’t want to regret every word I’m going to throw at him that will hurt his feelings. Dahil pakiramdam ko ay mas lalo lang akong masasaktan na makita ang lalaking minahal at inalagaan ako simula pagkabata.

“Anong katotohanan Ria?” Tanong ni Tita Vera na nasa akin ang seryoso at mariin niyang mga tingin. Nagtataka at naguguluhan sa sinasabi ko.

“Face us Dad. Tell us the truth. Gusto kong malaman ang lahat ng katotohanang sinabi ni Mommy sa akin. Tell me how could you take to do that to your own brother.” My voice was firmed and filled with conviction.

Ramdam kong naguguluhan si Tita Vera sa mga sinasabi ko. Gusto kong malaman mismo sa kaniya lahat ng ginawa niya kila Mom and Dad. I wanted to know how he regrets and how he remained living with guilt in his eyes.

Kalaunan ay hinarap niya kami at ang malalim at seryosong mga mata nito ay agad na dumapo sa akin. His eyes were dim but the languidness dripped on it as it bore on me. I can feel how his eyes filled with misfortune.

“Tell me, Dad…how you lived with the nightmares you made to yourself?”

“Ria, ano bang sinasabi mo?” It was Tita Vera who walked near Dad’s space.

I gritted my teeth. I was glaring at my Dad now and I never get away from it even how it hurts me seeing how he dwells in pain.

“Ria, I’m sorry-”

“Brayden ano ba’ng nangyayari? Ria, tell me what is happening!” Tita Vera seems in rage as she glared at me. Confused about everything I was saying.

“Vera… Eleftheria is my daughter. She will be my forever daughter. Alam kong hindi mo siya matanggap at kahit na kailan ay hindi mo siya magagawang tanggapin. But-”

“Dad what are you saying?” I cutted him off when I can’t get to understand what he wanted to convey.

He lifted his glares on me from Tita Vera. He’s now in menaced and lips in a thin line.

“You are my daughter, Ria-”

“Dad I am not! I am your brother’s daughter! I am not your daughter so stop insisting like I’m yours. Because Tito Corbray was my real…father.” Tumaas ang alon ng aking dibdib matapos kong sabihin iyon.

Nakita ko ang pagdilim at paglaki ng mga mata niyang mariing nakatitig sa akin. He was stunned at what I just said but his eyes were still filled with menace.

“Mom told me everything, Dad. Stop hiding me the truth-”

“Hindi ka anak ni Kuya, Ria! Anak kita, that’s the truth and not what Celeste is trying to say to you.”

“Dad, can you even hear yourself? You were strained and why can’t you just accept that I’m not your daughter? My real Dad was dead. He died because of you. Because you ruined my Mom and your brother’s relationship. You assaulted my mom. Now, how could you still manage to be this selfish towards the people who got inflicted so much?” I now catching my breath while my lips trembles glancing at him in the eyes.

I never talked to him this way. I never blamed him before. I just always used to hug him when I feel like everything was about to fall. I was just only used to talk to him when there is no one interested to listen to me. But now, I’m here. Straining my voice with excruciating truth that he hides me all my life.

“Brayden…is this true?” Tita Vera’s voice asked her in disbelief. Her mouth was left half-open while her eyes are appalled.

Si Dad naman ay nag-iwas sa amin at nagbaba ng tingin. Nakita kong gumalaw ang panga niya at ang kamay niyang nasa handrest ay naka kuyom.

“Brayden tell me! Totoo ba ang sinasabi ni Ria?”

Mas lalong nagsaluboong ang dalawang makakapal na kilay ni Dad.

“Brayden, how could you -”

“Oo! I fucked up back then and I still fucked up until now. I was a wrecker. I was the reason why Eleftheria’s family was ruined. Kasalanan ko, at walang gabing hindi ako binagabag no’n. I’m sorry and I know that I caused this huge damage to my family as well. Patawarin mo ako Ria. Patawarin mo ako dahil hindi ko na mababago pa ang lahat. Ang mga pagkakamali ko ay pinilit kong itama. Sinubukan kong bumawi sa’yo. I took care of you-”

“Dad…what you did to me was irreplaceable pero yung ginawa mo sa ina at ama ko…it was unforgivable,” I muttered painfully.

I can see how his eyes break down and shoulders tumble.

“I…I know.” He then growled breathily, unconsciously, and eyes in anxiety.

Bumagsak ang kaniyang mapanglaw na mga mata sa sahig gayundin ang mabigat na niyang balikat dahil sa bigat ng pasan na kasalanan sa nakaraan.

I saw Tita Vera’s mouth dropped as she let herself sat on the sofa. She looked stunned. Her eyes were also weary and in tears and indicate nearly falling.

Naramdaman ko ring manghina ang aking mga tuhod. Gusto kong lapitan si Dad dahil kahit na paano ay nakakaramdam pa rin ako ng awa at pag-aalala sa kaniya. He’s my Dad as well.

“I-I’m so sorry, Ria. Hindi ko sinasadya. Patawarin mo ako. Patawarin mo ’ko sa mga kasalanang hindi ko intensyong gawin. Alam kong baka hindi mo ako mapatawad sa oras na malaman mo ang lahat ng ’to kaya minabuti ko nalang na itago. Natakot ako…natatakot ako na baka pati ikaw ay mawala sa akin gaya ng ama mo. Patawarin mo ako kung nagawa kitang ilayo sa iyong ina. Patawarin mo ako kung nagawa kong masira ang pamilya mo. Patawarin..mo ’ko…” Nadurog ang puso ko nang marinig ang mahina at nahihirapang boses ni Dad.

His eyes were bloodshot. He’s glaring at me with his deeply apologetic deep-set eyes. Pakiramdam ko ay mas lalo pang nadurog ang kalahati ng puso ko nang makitang gumalaw ang magkabilang balikat ni Dad nang hindi na niya kayanin pa ang bigat na kaniyang pasan.

His deep large sobs make me feel how he suffer in those years of pain. Tita Vera was now also crying but she chose to stand up and suddenly went out of the room.

Dad’s growls made me in tears as well.

“R-Ria patawarin mo ’ko anak. Alam kong walang lugar ang isang tulad ko sa puwang ng kapatawaran sa puso mo. Hindi ko hinihiling na mapatawad mo ako, anak. Pero gusto kong malaman mo na nagsisi ako. I suffered for all these years and if it still didn’t enough, I’m ready to take double or thrice of the pain of it every now and then, mapatawad mo lang ako. Anak, mahal kita. Anak ka man ng kapatid ko tinuring na rin kitang parang tunay na anak ko.”

Ang paos at marubdob niyang boses ay pinanlalambot ang aking mga tuhod na gusto na lamang bumagsak sa sahig.

Ramdam ko ang sakit sa boses niya. Ramdam at nasaksihan ko kung paano siyang nagdusa sa mga taong lumipas sa buhay ko. Masakit, mapait, at walang paglagyan ang umaapaw na kalungkutan na tanging makikita sa mga mata niya na pilit niyang intinatago sa tuwing nakaharap ako sa kaniya.

He’s the kind of man who seems stronger outside but deeply ruined and in despair inside.

“Nang maaksidente si Kuya, kahit na kailan ay hindi ko hiniling na mangyari ’yon sa kaniya. Nagkamali ako Ria. Nabulag ako sa pagmamahal at pagkamakasarili ko. Tama ka, hindi ko nakita kung paanong nasaktan ang mga taong naapektuhan sa mga maling nagawa ko. But then that day, the day you were born I began to be unselfish. I get you from your mom because that is what I think is right. Gulong gulo ang utak ko non and your mom, she was in deep grief that I can’t seem to see her broken-”

“So why did you take me away from her if you can’t stomach seeing my mom in despair of mourn?”

“Because… taking you away from her will make her have a new life. Your mother was so young back then. I want her to make her dreams fulfilled. I want her to make herself happy. I want her to build a new life where I and my brother weren’t involved anymore. At ako ang rason kung bakit mas lalong nagulo ang lahat. Akala ko mas mabuti iyon sa gano’ng paraan. But as you grew up, I then realize that I made another mistake. Patong patong na Ria. Wala ng kapatawaran. Wala ng katapusan. It was a burden, it was so draining, and life worthless. Ilang beses ko ring hiniling na sana ako nalang ’yong naaksidente…na sana… ako nalang yung nawala.”

Mabilis akong naglakad patungo sa gawi ni Dad at hindi na napigilang hapitin siya ng isang mahigpit kong yakap. I felt him hugged me back but the shudder of his shoulders makes me more dwell in pain.

“Sana ako nalang yung namatay, Ria. Sana hindi nalang yung ama mo. Ako nalang sana…” Mabigat at wasak ang paos niyang boses na ani sa akin.

It was so heart-heaving. Pakiramdam ko ay pasan ko na rin ang bigat na dinadala niya matagal na panahon na habang yakap yakap ko siya ngayon. Ang impit niyang paghikbi na mas nagpakirot pa sa tinik na bumabara sa aking dibdib. Ang nararamdaman kong paggalaw ng kaniyang balikat sa sobrang sugat at pilay na idinulot ng kaniyang pinagsisihang pagkakamali sa nakaraan.

Nararamdaman at buong puso kong inintindi ang sitwasyon ni Dad. It was also hard to be in his shoes. It was the burden that no one can lift but only him. Being the villain in the past made him suffer in the future and bestowed him a lesson that he will forever acknowledge.

Niyakap ko siya ng mahigpit at marahang hinaplos ang kaniyang buhok. Hindi ko man masabing pinapatawad ko na siya dahil sa mga kasalanang ginawa niya noon ay nararamdaman ko namang hindi nawala ang pagmamahal at respeto ko sa kaniya bilang isang kinikilalang ama ko.

In that state, I didn’t know how I surpass that hardship I burden with my dad that morning. I have said goodbye to him and left him first. I remain silent as he just watching me with his eyes weary. Tita Vera was also just silently sitting inside the SUV before I left them outside the mansion.

Umalis na rin ako at halos kasunod ko lang din sila nang umadar na ang kanilang sasakyan patungong airport.

Kahit na papaano ay pakiramdam ko naman ay lumuwag ang aking pakiramdam. Marahil siguro ay nakausap ko na rin si Dad tungkol sa nangyari. Mahirap pero pasasaan ba ay magiging maayos din ang lahat sa amin.

Si Lolo ay gusto ko man ding kausapin tungkol dito kaso ay abala pa rin siya sa kaniyang trabaho sa opisina. And I rarely caught him at the mansion. Maybe in the next day I will tell him about it.

Nagpahinga akong muli sa aking unit nang mananghalian. Umaga pa lang ay nakaramdam na ako ng sobrang pagkapagod pa’no pa kaya ngayong hapon.

I freshened up myself before I went at the Sullivan’s Company of Real Estates. Like what I planned earlier, I will be visiting Rhaegar in his office. Bukod sa ilang araw na kaming hindi nagkikita ay ilang araw na rin akong hindi nakakapasok sa opisina. He’s really working alone without his secretary.

I walked gracefully at the entrance of the lobby at may ilan pang binati ako bago ako tuluyang makapasok ng elevator. I pressed the top floor in Rhaegar’s floor.

When I got there ay agad kong tinungo ang gawi ng kaniyang opisina.

Hindi ko alam pero may kabang nabuhay sa aking dibdib. Marahil ay sa excitement na nararamdaman dahil kahit papaano ay maayos naman na ako sa mga magulang ko. And now that is the case with my family, I can now also focused on him and also on our relationship.

Nang buksan ko ang pintuan ng opisina ni Rhaegar ay tanging malawak at blankong opisina lang ang natanaw ko. He wasn’t here. I expected him to be at his office at this hour but where he is? Tumuloy pa rin ako sa loob at pinagmasdan muli ang kabuuan ng kaniyang opisina.

Maybe he’s in the conference room at may meeting. But then when I took a glance on my wrist it’s still noon. I walked towards my table when I noticed that some of my papers on the table are gone. It was still inside his office.

Then I took a glance at the Rhaegars table. I noticed that he has a lot of folders. I walked near his table but then my eyes caught the frame at the side of the pen holder.

Nakatayo ako ngayon sa harapan ng lamesa ni Rhaegar at hinawakan ang frame na iyon. Nangunot ang noo ko nang mapansing laman nito ang litratong nabasag ko noong unang araw ko rito sa kaniyang opisina.

It was the picture of a man and a woman in the silhouette. The difference this time is the picture was framed in a small type that suits his table. Nakakapagtaka at dito niya ito inilagay at hindi kasama ang dalawang picture frames na malapit lang sa bookshelves.

“Ms. Secretary? You’re here,” I almost jump in my place when I heard a voice from the doorway.

Nang hinarap ko ang gawing iyon at nakita kung kanino nanggaling ang boses na iyon, my brows immediately shot up.

“Faye,” I voice out in surprise.

She then smiled at me mischievously while the sound of her stilettos filled the office as she began to walk near my place.

“It’s been a long while. Are you still Rhaegar’s secretary?” She then asked me.

My forehead creased at that as I blinked at her.

“Yeah,” I think so… I breathily muttered.

Her smile rosed a bit but then suddenly faded, turning into a hostile one. I felt uncomfortable with that. Her high long hair ponytail made her look refined and stoic.

Huminto siya sa paglalakad at ilang dipa lang ang tinira sa gitnang pagitan namin ngayon. Our eyes locked as I equal her sternly glares at me.

“I’m impressed he takes you for long. Well, I assume that the end was near Ms. Secretary.” She then let out with the hint of imminence.

Kabanata 40

Kabanata 40

Past

Hindi ko man alam kung ano ang tinutukoy niya but there is something in my mind is jumping to a conclusion that Rhaegar would probably also leave me anytime soon. It was the idea on her phrases that anyone will infer.

Hindi ko tinanggal ang seryoso kong mga mata na nakatunghay sa kaniya. Either her, she remains staring at me.

“Rhaegar is not that kind of man. I know him-”

“You should better be. Pero sigurado ka bang lubusan Ms. Secretary? You sure that you know him thoroughly?” Her voice backfires on me.

My forehead creased as I tried to not look like she’s started getting into my nerves. She has this glares that evilly knows what will happen to me in the next coming days. And her words shiver me a bit because I know that she won’t tell me this thing if she didn’t know anything.

Humakbang sya palapit sa akin at taas ang kaniyang noo akong nginitian ng pagkatamis tamis. Her angelic features never fail to make you fall by its alluring expressions. It was deceitful that you cannot even recognize that you’re being foolish.

“Kilala ko si Rhaegar. He won’t do such things that will tear us apart.”

Her smile grew wider more this time, making me feel bothered.

“I just wished you really are. Because you know what, I like you, Ria. I like you for Rhaegar and you are the only woman I know who makes him more into something. But then… I just hope you are enough.”

Nanliit ang aking mga matang nakatitig sa kaniya. She likes me for Rhaegar but she’s acting like she were also the villain. He’s Rhaegar’s cousin and I believe that she knows Rhaegar more than I do.

“You don’t seem to like me. It looks like the opposite around Faye,” I affirmed at her.

Her both brows raised like she’s surprised. Then her lips parted grew in an awed smile at me. I didn’t smile back.

“Well, you should be at relief dahil hindi ako ’yong iniisip mo.”

Saglit pa kaming nagtitigan bago tuluyang naputol iyon dahil ang kaniyang mga mata ay dumapo sa hawak ko pa rin pa lang picture frame ni Rhaegar. Nakita ko kung paanong nawala ang ngiti na naglalaro sa kaniyang mga labi kanina.

She lifted her eyes back on me again. It’s now in a serious one.

“Nasaan si Rhaegar?” I asked her.

“His on the meeting. Pabalik na ’yon sa mga oras na ’to. You two better have to talk,” aniya at kalauna’y bumabang muli sa hawak kong frame ang kaniyang mga mata.

“Do you know what this picture frame means for him?” Mayamaya pa ay tanong niya sa akin.

I blinked. Hindi, dahil hindi ko naman inisip na may iba pa itong mas malalim na kahulugan sa kaniya.

I shook my head. “It was out of here before dahil nabasag ko. But now I wonder that is now back and placed on his table unlike where it was back then. Bakit Faye…do I have to worry about this?”

Nag-iwas siya sa akin ng tingin at ang kaniyang mga labi ay nakatikhim.

“I have nothing to say on this-”

Her utter was cutted off by the loud thud slammed from the doorway. Sabay kaming napalingon do’n at nakita si Rhaegar na may mariin at madilim na mga matang nakatunghay kay Zion.

They looked in raged as both of their eyes daggered towards each other. They were in their corporate attire.

“Rhaegar,” my voice let out.

Mabilis na bumaling ang mga mata ni Zion sa aming gawi ni Faye nang tawagin ko si Rhaegar. But the man I called didn’t even take a glance at me. He’s just there stoically standing with his pierced eyes directed on the wall.

“Faye, Ria…what are you doing in here?” Zion inquired.

Naglakad siya palapit sa amin habang si Rhaegar ay nananatiling nakatayo pa rin malapit sa doorway.

“I get bored in the meeting so I visited the office. I didn’t get informed that her secretary was only here at his office.” Faye muttered then glance at me.

Naramdaman kong magpalipat lipat sa amin ni Faye ang mga mata ni Zion pero ang aking atensyon at paningin ay hindi naalis kay Rhaegar. Hindi nakatakas sa akin ang malamig at madilim niyang ekspresyon. His usual scowl darkens more in the days that I haven’t seen him.

I walked past through Zion and Faye to approached him. His stubborn jaw captured my sight. He looks more matured and rugged this time when I finally get to stand in front of him.

I let a sigh and swallowed hard before I took another few steps. I hugged him and burried my face on his chest. I felt him froze but I didn’t move back so suddenly. I stayed in that position at hinintay na maramdaman ang pagyakap niya pabalik. But when I felt his hand, he held my arm to pulled it out of the embrace.

Agad akong nakaramdam ng kakaibang malakas na pagkabog sa aking dibdib. Marahan akong lumayo sa kaniya ng bahagya at saka agad na binitiwan ang kamay kong hawak niya. His eyes were now all on me.

Hindi nakatakas sa aking paningin ang dilim at diin niyon habang nakatitig sa akin. Pakiramdam ko ay napakatagal kong hindi nakita at napagmasdan ang kaniyang mga mata.

I manage to show him a small smile. “I…get worried because you didn’t reply to my messages and answer any of my calls. Are you fine?” I asked him, that only both of us can hear.

He didn’t speak like his usual cold treatment before. Kaya naman ay mas lalo akong naguluhan sa inaakto niya. Hindi naman ganito ang kaniyang mga mata nung huling gabi na magkasama kaming dalawa. I can feel the gap by his serious glares.

“Are we…fine?” I then asked him nang hindi ko na makayanan pa ang pag-iisip.

He seems off and very strange again. It was the feeling I’m having trouble with him back then. Nakakalito lalo na sa tuwing mabilis na nag-iiba ang kaniyang mga ekspresyon. I don’t know if it’s because that I have done something wrong or I have done such things he never gets to acknowledge. He was so unpredictable. His blocked that I never get to open.

“We are leaving. Faye, let’s go.” Zion asserted near on the tables.

Tinanaw ko pa sila ng ilang sandali bago sila tuluyang umalis na dalawa at iniwan kami ni Rhaegar sa loob ng opisina. Naramdaman ko naman na hindi nag-iiwas ang mga mata ni Rhaegar na kanina pa sa akin nakatuon. I can’t stare back. It was getting dark and menacing each second I glance at him.

Tanging katahimikan ang namutawi sa pagitan naming dalawa. Ilang araw din kaming hindi nagkita ngunit tila ba wala kaming dapat na pag-usapan dahil walang kumikibo sa aming pareho.

Gusto ko siyang tanungin ngunit pinangungunahan ako ng kabang nangingibabaw sa akin ngayon. I hate to think that there is really something wrong with us now. Is it me, because I haven’t told him what I did in the past days we didn’t see each other? What about him? Why is he at the bar last night?

Why he seems so cold and humid to me right now?

I just silently followed him by my stares as he walks towards his table.

“Let’s have dinner tonight.” He then suddenly said.

Natigilan ako ron saglit. He sat on his swivel chair then glance on my way. It’s now changed and not the humid one he was giving me earlier.

“I’m sorry if I haven’t replied to your messages and I haven’t answer any of your calls. I just thought you were busy.”

Napakurap kurap naman ako sa sinabi niya. I may be busy in the past few days but I never forget to had checked on him. I grimaced at my thoughts as I feel bitter about it.

Nang mag-angat ako sa kaniya ng tingin ay hindi ko maiwasang makaramdam ng kirot sa aking dibdib.

“Yeah, busy nga ako pero nagawa pa rin naman kitang tawagan. That means I still have time when it comes to you, Rhaegar.” I bitterly said to him.

He blinked but never leave my glares.

“I’m sorry-” I cutted him off.

“Where were you last night? Even on the other night?” I then inquired as I walked towards his table.

Mabilis na nag-iwas ang magkasalubong na niyang mga kilay at mariing mga tingin sa akin. Wala akong ideya kung saan nagmumula itong lakas ng loob kong tanungin siya. Maybe I have the guts because it’s my right to know it. And it’s confused me in those nights we haven’t meet.

Nang makalapit ako sa harapan ng kaniyang malawak na lamesa ay tanaw ko kung paanong gumalaw ang kaniyang panga. He looked like he’s controlling himself.

“I called you in consecutive days pero ni isa ron ay wala kang nasagot. The last time I’ve reached you was last night and you were where… Rhaegar?” My voice wasn’t on the rise but the emphasis was sensating.

I want him to tell me himself where he is last night. He was on the club but I wanted him to confirm and made his reasons if why he is there.

“I was on booze, Aiden.” Walang pakundangan niyang sagot at ang aming mga mata ay ngayo’y nagtagpo.

He eyed me darkly like what it was earlier. I also equaled his glares on me.

“And why, Rhaegar? May problema ba? Why you go at the club without-”

“And why you left my condo unit? Where were you in those two days, Aiden?” His voice roared, mimicking seriously.

Natigilan ako sa paghinga at hindi makapaniwala siyang pinagmasdan. I know my fault but he can’t just throw it here like it was his ace for my question to him. I don’t want to think that he was just avoiding my question pero iyon ang lumalabas because he’s bringing me up.

“I was out because I have to meet someone. At umuwi rin ako ng gabing ’yon but you weren’t there. I tried calling you but you are not even answering one of those. Kaya nag-stay nalang ako ng unit ko. What about you, where were you that night? Don’t tell me you’re also on booze, Rhaegar.” Naiirita ko ng sinabi sa kaniya.

Nag-iinit ang daloy ng dugo sa aking katawan habang ang ngipin ko ay nangangalit at nagtitimpi. Hindi ko siya makuha kahit anong pilit kong pag-intindi sa kaniya.

“I didn’t leave my unit. I was waiting for you-” I cutted him off again.

“I pressed the doorbell not just twice, pero walang nagbubukas sa’kin, Rhaegar-” sa pagkakataong ito siya naman ang pumutol sa sinasabi ko.

“Saan ka nagpunta nung araw na ’yon? You told me that you’ll be going to visit your Dad but when I attended the meeting, nando’n ang Dad mo. As well, like what you had said, don’t tell me you lied to me, Aiden.” He said with his voice deep and large while his jaw clenched.

I pursed my lips. “I said I meet someone,”

“So you really lied. Ang sabi mo sa akin ay pupunta ka at bibisitahin ang ama mo, pero san ka nagpunta? You meet someone without informing me.” His voice narrowed on me now.

I didn’t tell him because I wanted to take care of it on my own. I wanted to clear and knew things without him getting involved. Lalo na at alam kong naapektuhan din siya sa naging desisyon ng mom niya dahil mas pinili niya akong makasama kesa sundin ang kaniyang ina. And now everything is getting mess up.

I let a sigh before I explain myself. Alam ko namang hindi na kailangan pang lumaki nitong pinagtatalunan namin. It wasn’t that big deal, we just lack of communication kaya hindi kami magkaintindihan ngayon.

I calmed myself so I can tell him properly my reasons. He was glaring at me as I stared at him now lightly.

“Hindi ko binisita si Dad ng araw na ’yon, I’m sorry because I lied. I meet up with someone and that is my mom. Gusto ko munang malaman at makausap ang pamilya ko nang hindi sinasabi sa’yo. I wanted to fix some things without you getting involved, Rhaegar. And also I know that you’re inflicted the last time your mom came here. I don’t want you to feel that I burden you so much-”

“You are not a burden to me Aiden,” he retorted with his deep voice and eyes subtle to me now.

“But that’s it. Gusto ko munang maging maayos ang lahat especially that is the first time I will go to meet my mom. I planned to tell you about it when everything seems fine to me.”

Seryoso ngunit bakas ang pag-aalala sa mga mata niyang ngayon ay nakatunghay sa akin. Ramdam ko kung paanong gumuhit sa mga tingin niya ang pagkagulat na mabilis din namang nawala.

“I’m also sorry, Aiden. I just thought you’re dealing with something that under my vision. I’m sorry if I haven’t even checked on you.” He then stood up to his swivel chair and walked towards the front of his table to where I was standing.

I looked up to him and softly faced his subtle glares on me. His lips parted as his eyes drifted on my mouth but immediately back to my eyes again.

“I’m sorry Aiden, I know it’s hard for you to meet your mom.” His voice was in low and deep as I caught in my peripheral vision that his hands were on the lift to caressed my face.

I shut my eyes as I feel his soft caressed on my face. I missed this. I miss his caress that made me feel at ease.

“Let’s have our dinner outside tonight. I missed you,” he huskily whispered in my ears. His hot breath was directly touching my neck.

“I missed you too, Rhaegar,” I said breathily.

His eyes were dark and subtle at the same time.

After an hour and he’s done with his work for today we headed down to the basement and went through his car. It was quick but I feel like it happened in a very short period of time.

I told him my reasons and I’m glad that we get to fix what we are fighting earlier. Though he hasn’t explained his side but it was clear to me that he just thought that I’m pretty preoccupied with something.

We’re just silent inside his car as we headed to The Fort for his reservation for our dinner tonight. I have told him earlier some of what happened about me being not Dad’s real daughter. I wasn’t detailed with it and he understands me because he knows that it was a big blow to me. Even him was a bit surprised and stunned as well to heard about it.

Hindi ko na rin naman binahagi pa ang ilang sensitibong parte dahil kahit ako ay hindi kayang sabihin at alalahanin iyon. It was very forbidden and tough to think and up until now, I admit that I can’t get through that anytime soon.

At ngayong umalis na si Dad patungong abroad kasama si Tita Vera na nalaman ko na ang katotohanan ay at least I felt relieved that I get to know what is my real identity. It was a whole deceitful life that just revealed now that I’m an adult.

Masaya rin ako na nakilala at nakausap ko na rin si Mom. We haven’t talked the usual conversation the last time we met yesterday but I’m already looking forward to having a conversation with her again. And I actually plan to bring Rhaegar with me so he can meet my mom as well.

Nasa dining na kami ngayon sa isang room so we can have our privacy sa restaurant. We are actually almost finished with the meal that was just served to us earlier. I put down my fork then lifted my gaze at his way in front of me.

“I’m planning to meet my mom again,” imporma ko sa kaniya.

He glances at me. “When? If you’re asking for my permission you don’t have to. It’s your mom so it doesn’t have any problem with me.”

I smiled at him. “I want you to meet my Mom, Rhaegar.”

Nakita kong mahinto siya saglit at ang mga mata ay saglit na nag dilim nang sabihin ko iyon. His eyes went on my hands on the table as I hold the glass then lift back on me again with a cannot believe glares.

“Hindi ko rin talaga sinabi sa’yo dahil gusto kong makausap muli si Mom ng masinsinan. At sa pagkakataong maayos na ang sitwasyon naming dalawa ay gusto kitang isama, so I can…introduce you to her.”

He licked his lower lip and bit it for a while that made it look ruddy and damp.

“Are you sure about it?” He asked me like he’s assuming that I can be hesitant about it.

“Yes, but if you’re not-”

“I will have checked my schedule.” He retorted while his eyes on beam.

Gumaan ang pakiramdam ko sa sinabi niya. Though I can sense that there is something wrong with his glares.

“How do you meet your mom?” Tanong niya sa akin kalaunan.

Nag-angat ako sa kaniya ng tingin mula sa aking pinggan.

“I had received a letter from her simula nung makabalik tayo galing Bulacan. I was hesitant at first dahil hindi ko alam kung handa na ba akong kitain siya. But it bugs me so I showed up with her at the restaurant to finally meet.” I answered him.

Seryoso lang ang kaniyang mga matang nakatitig sa akin. His lips were not in the grim but it’s in a form of line as he pursed it.

“How’d you know it was really her? You said that you haven’t seen her since you’re born.”

“I saw her once, at the old picture when I was in Bulacan. I was actually surprised that I can’t believe that she was my mom.”

I told him earlier at the office that I am not Dad’s daughter, but this part I haven’t told him.

He blinked then gaze at our table as if he was thinking.

“I’m sorry about that.” He then drawled.

Nung una ay hindi ko naintindihan kung para saan iyon but when I realize that it’s for what I had been through in the past days, I smiled at him for a little. He actually shouldn’t be sorry because he did nothing wrong to me. All he did is to make me feel at ease and special whenever I’m with him.

I can’t even imagine my life now without him. He’s so important to me that whatever happens, I won’t ever let him go. I want to be with him. I want everything about him in general. From his scowl look and stern glares, it added as the spices for his perfect appearance for me.

From the day I felt that this feeling for him could grow into something that will scare me. I know what it will cause me already. I get frightened but it was part of the process. I will maybe get hurt but as long as we both had very good communication this could work, we could work for a quite long.

We go home and I urged him that I wanted to sleep on his unit. He didn’t say anything and just agree with it. We’re silent the whole time inside his room after we both had a very hot bath together.

I missed him. I can feel his hot kisses on me earlier that made me realize that lies weren’t best for a relationship.

I was lying on his broad shoulder while his muscled arms are wrapping me around. We were both naked as I put my hand on his chest after that extreme good night in the bathroom and to his bedroom.

He’s now asleep as I traced some small thin hairs on his chest while my eyes lifted on his face. I can’t stop the loud beating of my heart every time this man caught my sight. He was the person I am wishing to all the stars above. He’s the person I am praying to God to come and a dream that I never get completely believe that it came to happen in reality.

“I love you, Rhaegar…” I whispered then near my face to capture his lips for a soft quick kiss.

I then smiled when I felt him moved a bit. I let a sigh, balak ko na sanang bumalik muli sa pagtulog at humiga sa kaniyang dibdib dahil malalim pa rin ang gabi. But when I heard a phone vibrated like it’s having its alarm I then stood up from the bed.

Marahan kong inalis ang kamay at braso ni Rhaegar na nakadagan sa akin at nilapitan ang isang side table na may kalapitan lang sa lampshade. And when I noticed that it was my phone ay agad ko iyong kinuha.

Agad na napakunot ako ng noo nang makitang si Zion iyong tumatawag sa akin. Dis-oras na ng gabi kaya’t ano ay napatawag pa siya sa akin?

Binalingan ko pa muna si Rhaegar saglit bago ko sinagot ang tawag ng kaniyang pinsan. Kumuha ako ng robe at saka lumabas at tinungo ang balkonahe. Mabilis akong napayakap sa aking sarili nang maramdaman ang malamig na simoy na hangin ng gabi.

“Zion, napatawag ka?” I uttered nang tuluyan kong masagot iyong tawag niya.

Pinakinggan ko pa muna muli ang kabilang linya dahil tahimik lang iyon at walang nagsasalita.

“Zion-” tawag ko sa kaniyang muli dahil wala namang sumasagot sa kabilang linya nang bigla siyang magsalita pagkatapos ng ilang segundo ng katahimikan.

“Nasabi na ba niya sa’yo, Ria?” His deep hoarse voice over the phone immediately sent shivers on me.

“Nasabi ang alin? Nino?” Nakakunot ang aking noo dahil hindi naiintindihan ang bungad niya sa akin.

“So he didn’t. Leave her, Ria. You better leave him now-”

“Sandali Zion, hindi kita maintindihan. Why would I leave Rhaegar? And what are you saying this time?”

“He’s a very complicated man, Ria. I know you. Just listen to me and just leave my fucking cousin alone. It’s for your own good that I’m considering here. I told you not to love him and yet you didn’t listen to me-”

“Why would I listen to you? Also, I can never dictate my heart-”

“But your mind can, Ria! Damn it. Hindi ko alam kung bakit kailangan ko pang masingit sa inyo at pakialaman kung may masaktan man sa isa sa inyo. I just can’t seem to see one of you suffer.”

Naramdaman kong matuyuan ako ng lalamunan dahil sa mga sinasabi niya. I hugged myself more and covered myself with the robe I am only wearing as the cold wind flew my hair and give me chills in the middle of the night.

“Ano bang sinasabi mo Zion?” Naguguluhan at nababagabag ko ng tanong.

Matagal na siyang ganito sa akin. He always warned me about Rhaegar but he never straightforward me with his motive. Nakakabahala na kahit man ako ay kinakabahan sa tuwing sinasabihan niya.

Mabilis ang naging kabog ng aking dibdib habang ang malamig na simoy ng hangin ay tinatangay ang aking buhok.

What is it about Zion? Tell me what is buggering you between me and Rhaegar…

“His past girlfriend is back. I thought he was over to it but I guess my hunch was wrong. Rhaegar was still into her… it wasn’t over for him, Ria.”

Zion’s words made my eyes blinked as they widen a fraction. My heart beats rapidly while my mouth dramatically parted. Unimpeachable and loss of words.

“H-He’s not saying this to me. I d-didn’t even know that he has his past girlfriend.” I stuttered, stunned and speechless.

“He is Ria, at alam kong wala ako sa posisyong sabihin sa iyo ’to but…anytime soon, Rhaegar might leave you.”

Kabanata 41

Kabanata 41

Delusion

Before, I was the person who gets to live in pain. I was surrounded by people who never valid me as a person.

But does it change me now that Rhaegar is with me? He treasured and give me the values of life. He was the grace that sent to save me from the final terminal of my existence. It was great and a miracle that I get saved from my fall.

It’s because of him why I’m still here, up and alive. But he can also be the reason for my biggest downfall in life. He can be also the reason that can break me into thousand pieces.

Happiness. He made me feel what it’s like to be alive. Desires and those deep glares that revive the weakened soul in me. It was all happened in bliss.

But experiencing the pain, hatred, and suffer to it after all those beautiful dreams I had will be another horrific night for me. It is very dreamy and lively but what if those golden scenarios were part of a play where a nightmare occurs as the genre of its tragic play?

Pagkagising ko kinabukasan ay sa tabi ng kama agad ang dapo ng aking mga mata para hagilapin siya. But like the usual thing happen after having a steamy night, he will be gone and out of the bed.

Ibinaba ko ang aking paa sa kama at inihakbang patungo sa artwork na nasa pader na katapat lang din ng higaan. This luxury nice room were huge and spacious as it be. But the artwork that complicated the rustic black huge room makes me conclude about things.

Mayroon ding nakalagay na artwork sa taas ng headboard ng kama niya na matagal na ring narito pero hindi ko naman pinagtuonan ng pansin noon. It was detailed and very artsy to say. But who knows that this painting has deep meanings.

Zion’s words last night remarked on my head. It was my mind who tried to wipe it out away. Gusto kong paniwalaan ang puso ko. Gusto kong maniwala na hindi niya rin ako iiwan ng gaya ng mga nakaraan ko.

I used to believe that he is different. That he’s far from anyone because he can be more than them. Kaya paanong magagawa niya akong iwanan pagkatapos ng mga pinagdaanan naming dalawa? Our difficulties in this relationship will not be enough to say that we are really meant to be together? Or it’s just my negative thoughts that filled my senses now?

The other painting has the same details as the picture frame at his office. It’s where I tried to kill myself. It’s on the bridge where he found me in despair.

But the silhouette in the picture frames, the artworks of the two human beings that seem so in love with each other made my mind wake up with the hinted truth that Zion was telling me. He can be right that Rhaegar has his past but I assume that he’s not the type of person who looks back when you already have special someone in front. So why would he look back if he truly loves what he is having in the present?

Ilang pilit ko mang itanggi na hindi si Rhaegar itong nasa painting ay don pa rin napapadpad ang isipan ko sa posibilidad na siya ito at ang babaeng minahal niya noon. Kaya siguro hindi niya kayang bitiwan at kayang tanggalin man lang ang mga ito rito sa loob ng kaniyang kwarto o at ang mga picture frames na nasa kaniyang opisina.

To rationally think of it, I do really feel bitter about it. If Zion is right, I don’t know what to react. It’s gonna be a mind blow again for me as well. Dahil ang tagal na rin namin ni Rhaegar na nagkasama pero kahit na kailan ay hindi naman siya nagkuwento sa akin ng tungkol sa kaniyang nakaraan. At wala rin naman akong makitang mali ro’n dahil una ay desisyon niyang huwag na ibahagi sa akin ang nakaraan niya. At pangalawa ay sa ideyang wala naman ng dapat na ibahagi pa dahil tapos na ’yon and those past relationships he has doesn’t matter to me at all.

Nilisan ko ang silid at tinungo ang hagdan pababa para tunguhin ang kusina ng kaniyang unit. Kung saan ay madalas ko siyang naaabutang nag luluto ng almusalan para sa aming dalawa.

But when I took a step and get already inside the kitchen the disheveled hair and lean broad shoulder of a shirtless man that I am expecting to see weren’t visible and nothing to see here. He’s not here at tanging ang malawak, malinis, at maayos na mga kasangkapan lang ang tangi kong matatanaw sa kabuuan ng kusina.

Nasa’n siya? Naglakad ako patungo ng countertop at nakitang may nakatakip na breakfast ng luto roon na para sa akin. I go to the fridge to get a bottle of cold water when I notice a small post note at the door of the ref.

Nangunot ang noo ko at saka kinuha ang sticky note na kulay asul na nakapaskil ron.

To Aiden,

Goodmorning. I early go to the office this morning. Hindi na kita ginising cuz you look tired and have a heavy night. I made you breakfast. Eat well.

Malinis at maayos ang pantay pantay na pagkakasulat niya sa bawat salitang gusto niyang iparating. He early goes on the office when the fact that the time now was exactly seven in the morning. So does it means that he goes there at the time of six in the morning o kakalis lang niya?

I shook my head nang mapagtantong masyado akong nababagabag at nilulunod ng isipan ko dahil sa sinabi ni Zion sa akin kagabi. Rhaegar would not go this early at the office this morning especially that I’m here on his unit. Kahapon na nga lang muli kaming nagkaayos at nagkausap tapos maaga pa siyang mawawala kinabukasan?

But what if he really has something important to do that is urgent? Pero hindi naman niya sinabi kung bakit siyang maaga na umalis.

Mabigat akong bumuntong-hininga at saka kumuha ng malamig na tubig sa ref. But when I suddenly feel like I don’t like cold water ay sinauli ko pa iyon. I usually drink fruit shakes in the morning especially when those mornings were with Rhaegar dahil siya ang gumagawa no’n sa akin. Pero nang tingnan ko ang laman ng counter top ay walang fruit shake roon. I sighed as I immediately feel stifle about it.

Inalis ko ang takip sa breakfast ko para makakain na dahil balak ko ring pumasok ngayon ng opisina. Pero nang mabuksan ko iyon at maamoy na may mabaho at masangsang sa ilong na amoy ay mabilis akong nakaramdam ng pagbaliktad ng sikmura ko. I hurriedly went to the sink and there where I spewed. Nausea I am feeling didn’t immediately go, dahil nung oras na matapos akong maduwal at bumalik muli ng countertop ay naamoy kong muli iyon. Mabilis na akong nakaramdam ng pagkahilo at nagmamadali akong tumakbo patungo muli ng sink.

Maluha luha akong bumalik ng countertop na tinatakpan na ngayon ang ilong at pigil ang hiningang tinitingnan ang pagkaing inihanda ni Rhaegar dahil ang sama talaga ng amoy niyon para sa akin. When I saw that it was just a grilled cheese sandwich with bacon ay hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ko magawang matakam lalo na at mukha pa naman iyong masarap.

Mabilis ko iyong tinakpan muli at inilayo sa countertop para hindi ko na maamoy. I then decided to just cook eggs for breakfast and toasted bread will do. Guminhawa naman ang pakiramdam ko nang hindi ko na naamoy ang masakit sa ilong na amoy na ’yon kanina. 

I went back to his room to have my bath after I finished my breakfast. I planned on going to the office para sundan si Rhaegar. Ayoko mang maghinala pero ’yon ang nagiging kutob ng aking dibdib. Nakakakaba at nakakatakot dahil wala akong kasiguraduhan sa pisibilidad na baka nga totoo iyon.

Zion won’t tell me that stuff if he doesn’t know anything. And if he just does this for us to break up ay sa tingin ko naman ay hindi gano’n kababaw si Zion para magsinunangaling at gumawa gawa ng kuwento.

I get my phone inside my bag as I went down to the living room. Tiningnan ko ’yon dahil may message sa akin si Mom. She texted me a while ago while I’m preparing my clothes to wear. She asked me if we can go and have met on this day. Even how much I wanted to come ay hindi ko naman nagawang paunlakan siya dahil gusto ko sana ay makasama ko si Rhaegar kapag nakipagkita ako sa kaniya.

Mom:

Ayos lang anak, nagbakasakali lang akong baka pwede ka ngayong araw. But if you prefer tomorrow, I don’t have any problem with that. I will just send you the details tomorrow.

Ako:

Thanks for understanding mom. I really wanted to visit you as well. Let’s just talked tomorrow, I will introduce you to my special someone.

Mensahe ko sa kaniya. When I sent her my message ay agad na rin akong lumabas ng unit ni Rhaegar. Dahil hanggang ngayon ay wala pa rin sa akin ang sasakyan ko ay lagi akong sumasakay ng taxi. When I got there outside the building ay hindi na rin ako nagtagal pa sa labas at pumasok na agad ako ng lobby.

Hindi mawala sa isipan ko kung paanong kakausapin si Rhaegar. Alam kong nagkaayos na kami kahapon pero dahil kay Zion ay nagulong muli ang isipan ko. At nang maalala rin ang araw na may inaantay siya sa isang restaurant ng hotel kung saan kami nagkita ni Mommy nung nakaraan ay hindi ko na naman maiwasang magduda.

I know that it’s not healthy for me and for the both of us because I’m suspecting him without any pieces of evidence. Asking him so suddenly about this will just leave him to astound nor else he’ll be worried that I’m getting to know what’s really happening in the both of us.

There is no wrong is happening and that is what I am thinking but looking at it thoroughly, there is really something wrong with him. He became more humid after we haven’t seen each other in the past two days. And the gap it made to him inflicts on me even how much he tried to mask it.

Pagbukas ko ng pintuan ng kaniyang opisina ay agad siyang hinanap ng aking paningin ngunit wala siya. Where is him again this time?

Pumasok ako sa loob para hintayin siya saglit dahil baka may meeting lang sa conference room. Pero nang tumagal na ako nang halos isang oras sa loob ng opisina niya at hindi pa rin siya dumarating ay tumayo na ako sa aking swivel chair at lumabas.

I walked towards the conference room at hindi ko maiwasang mapansin ang ilang mga tingin sa akin ng mga empleyado. Inignora ko iyon dahil gusto kong makita si Rhaegar.

Ang sabi niya ay maaga siyang pumasok ngayon. But now that I came here and he’s not in his office, it just makes his reasons just an alibi just to get away from me that early. But what for? May iba ba siyang kikitain? Nasaan siya?

Nang silipin ko ang conference room ay mas lalo lang nangunot ang aking noo at naghuramentado ang puso ko. He shouldn’t be lying. He said that he’s going to work and I trusted him. But where is him?

“Ma’am Ria?”

Napalingon ako sa pinagmulan ng malaking boses na iyon.

“John,” I said nang mamukhaan ko siya. He looks different now. His body bulks a bit.

He smiled at me boyishly unlike the old shyly smile he was always giving me.

“Ang tagal kitang hindi nakita, where have you been?”

I pursed my lips. Wala ako sa estado ngayong makipag-usap. I know it’s rude but I feel that I have no time for it this time.

“Have you seen Rhaegar? He’s not in the office,” I then pronounced, ignoring his nicely question to me.

Nakita kong matigilan siya saglit bago siya muling nagsalita.

“Kakatapos lang actually ng meeting niya with the board committees. Wala ba siya sa office niya?”

I shook my head and his brow shot up.

“Nakita ko siyang pumasok ng elevator kanina. I don’t have any idea where he will go.”

Napakurap kurap ako sa sinabi niya. Then I manage to draw a smile on my lips to at least make him feel light.

Hindi na rin ako nagtagal pa ron at tinungo ang elevator pababang lobby. Kung kanina pa siya nakababa ay paniguradong hindi ko na siya maaabutan pa sa basement.

Saan ba siya pupunta? I get my phone when I think of calling him. Pero nang walang sumasagot niyon ay tinigilan ko na rin.

Pagkabukas ng elevator ay agad akong naglakad palabas ng building. Sumakay agad ako ng taxi kahit na hindi alam kung nasaan siya maaaring magpunta ngayon.

And when the restaurant at The Fort came into my mind dahil don ko siya nakita nung nakaraan ay napagpasyahan kong do’n nalang tumungo. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba itong ginagawa ko. Pero dahil sa kutob na nararamdaman ko na unti unting nabubuhay at lumalaki ay hindi ko mapigilang hanapin at alamin kung totoo ba ang sinabi ni Zion.

Will he really leave me after all the night and struggles we faced together? Does he really can go and move backward and left me to hang above just to go back to where he was before?

But who was really the woman in his past? Zion said that it was his old girlfriend but it wasn’t specific. I feel down as I think of it.

What am I then to him? If he’s still into his past why he loved me? Why does he have to choose and promised me that he will do his best? Why did he make me feel special even the fact that he really has someone to cherish in the first place?

Why Rhaegar?

Nang makapasok ako ng hotel at makasakay ng elevator patungong palapag kung nasaan ang restaurant ay walang tigil sa paghampas ang malakas na mala-alon kong dibdib. My heartbeat was fastening like it’s racing in overtime.

Wala man akong kasiguraduhang makikita ko siya rito ay hindi ko alam kung bakit ganito nalang ang kabang namutawi sa aking dibdib. It was bugging and thumped me that my heart will be out of its cage anytime soon.

I swallowed hard nang bumukas ang elevator. Malayo pa lang ay natatanawan ko na ang entrada ng restaurant kung saan ko siya nakita nung nakaraan. Malakas ang kabog sa dibdib ko nang umpisahan kong tahakin ang gawing iyon.

When I got inside I felt my knees weakened. Dahil ng diretsuhin ko ang lakad papasok at nilibot ang tingin sa paligid ay namataan ko siyang nakaupong muli sa dati niyang pwesto.

But this time it was different. Bagsak ang panga kong makita ang likuran ng babaeng nakaupo sa kaniyang harapan. Nanigas ako sa aking kinatatayuan at hindi magawang maikurap ang aking mga mata.

Zion is not making a story. Rhaegar is really with someone else. But…how does this happen? H-How can he do this while at the same time he sleep with me last night. He…made love with me last night. Pa’no niyang nagagawang lokohin ako.

Hindi ko alam kung anong nararamdaman ko sa mga oras na ito. Pakiramdam ko ay nag-uumpisa ng mamanhid muli ang aking katawan at wala na akong maramdaman.

My gaze never leaves their side. He was staring at the woman in front of him. His eyes were in seriousness but I can see how it flash in glee.

Naramdaman kong may sumikdo sa aking dibdib nang makita pa siyang tipid na ngumiti. I feel torn staying here and continuously watching them from afar. Watching my boyfriend with someone else.

Naramdaman kong manikip ang dibdib ko at mag-init ang aking mga mata. Umiling iling ako sa sarili at pilit na pinapaniwala na hindi si Rhaegar itong nakikita ko sa harapan ko. Dahil hindi niya ito magagawa. He can’t do this thing on me.

I felt my eyes in a sudden gush of tears that I didn’t recognize to fall on my cheeks. My eyes weren’t blinking as my tears shed like it was some kind of waterfalls.

Some people on my wing were watching me but I didn’t pay attention to it. Tanging kila Rhaegar lang nakatutok ang malabo ko ng mga mata.

Gusto ko silang lapitan at sugurin ngayon pero hindi ko magawa dahil nanghihina ako. Nanghihina ako na makita si Rhaegar na mukhang masaya habang kausap ang babae. Nasasaktan ako sa isiping hindi ko ba siya nagawang mapangiti ng ganiyan? If yes, then why does he have to find someone else? Why does he have to lie to me?

Mapait at masakit sa dibdib akong napalunok habang pinapanood si Rhaegar na kumportableng kausap ang nasa kaniyang harapan.

Sa dalawang araw na hindi kami nagkita, siya ba ang pinagkaabalahan niya? Idinahilan niya lang ba na abala ako kaya hindi na niya ako nagawa pang istorbohin?

Pinunasan ko ang aking pisngi kahit na walang tigil sa pagbuhos ang aking mga luha dahil sa sakit at bigat ng dibdib na nararamdaman. Nagmamadali kong hinalungkat ang aking phone sa loob ng aking bag para tawagan si Zion.

My hands were trembling as I dialed and put my phone in my ear. My chest heave and I feel shortened in my breath. I waited for a few seconds and in a split of seconds, Zion’s voice filled my ear from the other line.

“Ria-”

“I-I saw Rhaegar, no, I-I am watching Rhaegar right now. He’s with someone. Siya ba yung tinutukoy mo Zion? Siya ba yung babaeng tinutukoy mong parte ng nakaraan niyang hindi niya magawa gawang bitiwan? T-Tell me, Zion,” my voice cracked as my heart dwelled in pain.

I bit my lower lip when I can’t take my sobs to escape in my lips. Mabigat ang naging paghinga ko at pigil ang sarili sa impit na pag-iyak habang tinatanawan sila Rhaegar.

“Where are you? Pupuntahan kita, fuck.”

“No, Zion just tell me who’s this woman in his life?” Basag ang boses ko at hindi ko na napigilang mapahawak pa sa pader nang maramdamang manlambot ang aking mga tuhod.

Nakakapanghina at tanging sakit at pait lamang ang tanging alam kong nararamdaman ko sa mga oras na ito.

“Ria, I’ll go there. Tatawagan ko si Theron-”

I ended the call when I realize that Zion won’t even tell me if who’s this woman. Nakatalikod sa akin ang babae kaya hindi ko siya makita at mamukhaan. Pero gayun pa man ay ang sakit na makita siyang kasama si Rhaegar ay lubhang nakakapanlumo na.

My shoulders shudder when I can’t bear the pain I was holding earlier anymore. It was too much that I stay there to watch the man that I love with someone else. I was torn and my eyes seem to not stop from shedding tears.

My lips trembled as I felt my body numb. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko dahil tanging panghihina lang ng loob ang nararamdaman ko sa mga oras na ito dahil sa sakit at bigat na makita siyang may kasamang iba.

Nang hindi ko na makayanan pang pagmasdan ang gawi nila ay mabigat ang naging hakbang ng aking mga paa paalis don. Bagsak ang balikat at basa ang pisngi ng luha. Malabo ang paningin dahil sa panibagong init ng sakit ang nagbabadyang muli sa pagpatak.

I was holding my mouth as I get inside the elevator. My eyes were on the floor and I can’t seem to look straight towards anything. I feel so down, I feel in so much despair. I feel like I was getting broken again.

This excruciating pain I was expecting to be much was more than what I expected. It was unbearable that I can’t almost find my way back to those dreams he builds for me…back to those dreams, we made together.

I was dragging my feet out of the elevator as my heart bears the flickering pain. It was dreadful that I can’t seem to be bothered by what I looked like. People in the lobby of the hotel were watching me as I walked being tortured of this so much agony.

Walang paglagyan ang pait at sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayon. Ang malaking bato na dumadagan sa aking dibdib ay mas lalo akong pinanghina kasabay ng pagtusok sa aking puso. If I could just see my heart right now, I am so sure that I am bleeding.

Rhaegar helps me to believe that I have my worth. He helps me find the real meaning of comfort and the significance of being wanted. He made me feel how it was to be special. It was all in the bliss that made us stronger in the circumstances of our family. But knowing the truth that he’s with another woman, the lancinating pain infiltrates my heart.

It made me ask myself again. That, did I never be enough to him? Did I do something wrong to him to make him stab me this hard? Akala ko ayos na. Akala ko ngayong nalaman ko na ang tunay kong pagkatao ay wala ng magiging problema pa.

Inakala ko na tapos na ’yung sunod sunod na sakit na naramdaman ko nung nakaraan. Pero hindi ko inakala na umpisa pa lang pala ’yon. That I will get hurt continuously until I found myself numb and lost with the sanity of tranquility.

It was fully disturbing. Because when you get hurt emotionally, everything is affected…everything was in pain like what your heart is suffering. Physically drained and mentally exhausted that leading me to fatigue.

My sobs were in beneath my breath. Shoulders quiver as my lips trembling and my knees getting fall anytime soon.

Why Rhaegar? Paano mo kong nagawang lokohin? Naniwala ako sa’yo, naniwala akong magiging iba ka sa mga nakaraan kong sakit at pait na narasan mula sa iba. But then you turn out more than just a pain, you’re my sickness that will make me fall back into those nightmares I never wanted to go back to.

You took me away from those miseries and bring me to your fantasies where my value doesn’t matter. But then you also manage to put me back in my place, to where you saw me the first night I was about to lose all the pain. You brought me back in that anguish with more bruises and wounds that I got by your tales of a dream, it was delusional. I get delusional… Rhaegar.

Kabanata 42

Kabanata 42

Uncertain

Masikip ang aking dibdib at mabigat ang loob na makitang may ibang babaeng kasama si Rhaegar. Is he cheating? Is that her another woman or it’s just a no-one to her?

Pero hindi naman ako pwedeng magkamali. I feel it. I can see it. Kitang kita ko kung paanong mag-iba ang mga mata ni Rhaegar at sa simpleng pagngiti niya sa babaeng kaharap niya kanina. You can see it through his eyes, the subtleness and the stares of lovingly affection towards someone. Eyes never lie even how good you are in masking it. It will always tell the truth.

Nakayuko at lugmok ang pakiramdam kong pumasok ng aking condo unit. Nanlalagkit ang aking mga pisngi dahil sa walang humpay na pagbuhos ng aking mga luha kanina. Pakiramdam ko ay ano mang oras ay tutumba na ako sa bigat ng nararamdaman. But then, I always find my way to keep up my balance, even though it was very difficult for me to endure the pain.

Sa ilang buwan na naging relasyon namin ni Rhaegar ay kahit na kailan ay wala siyang sinabi tungkol sa nakaraan niya. The only things I knew about him were the things I know that would make me sick. It was risky and still, I let myself fall from his trap.

I asked myself back then if I should let him, if I would let us be together. I was hesitant and scared that time and still I get to follow what my heart keeps on beating and that is to let him make me feel how the word worth is meant for me.

Lahat ng takot at pangambang nararamdaman ko ay nawala nung oras na iparamdam niya sa akin ang mga pangakong susubukan niyang gawin. It seems different and unique for my experience, though because he’s the only one who made efforts and tried to give what makes me happy.

Totoo ang nararamdaman ko at gayundin ang sa kaniya… That’s what I know, but how about now? Did his feelings change? Does his heart fell out and wake up from the world he tried to build for the both of us?

Ang tanging laman lang ng aking isipan sa mga oras na ito ay kung bakit at paano ito nangyayari sa amin. It was so sudden and very unexpected. I never imagined that this would happen to us. It was like my blue sky turn into gloom the moment I caught him with the unknown woman from his past.

That woman is just a ghost of his past and now that Zion said that she’s back, is he that willing to risk what we have over that woman who just left him once?

What am I to him? Did he really love me? Or I just became one of those women he used before. Gano’n lang ba niya ako tinrato? Kasi kung ’yon ang pagbabasehan ko, hindi. I never feel like I was one of them. He treats me the way he said that I’m special to him. That I will always have this special place in him. Naramdaman kong pinahalagahan niya ako at iba sa kung sino pang alam ko.

And these thoughts are starting to make me lose in my own mind of puzzle pieces. Nakakalito at hindi ko na makita kung alin at ano ang totoo. Pawang ang lahat ay katha ng aking isipan na nagawa akong malinlang. Habang ang bawat kabog ng aking dibdib ay patuloy akong binubulag sa katotohanang pilit kong itinatanggi.

Mahal niya ako. Minahal niya ako. And those words are where I am holding on.

Gustuhin ko mang kausapin siya sa mga oras na ito at kumprontahin ay alam ko namang hindi ko magagawa. Nakakapanghina at alam kong sasaktan ko lang ang sarili sa gagawing iyon. Nakakatakot, dahil maaaring maging katotohanan na mas minahal niya ang nakaraan kaysa sa kasalukuyan.

Ayaw kong mag-isip na aabot kami sa puntong hindi na namin ito maaayos pa. I feel sick in pain but I still want us to be good at each other. I want to think that this was just maybe one of our misunderstandings. Baka nagkamali lang ako ng nakita at walang katotohanan ang lahat ng sinabi ni Zion sa akin. And I hate to think that I was now only making my reasons just for this to feel light because I got scared of losing him.

My Dad was now on board to go abroad and who I only have here in Manila was only my mother. I feel to lessen this burden but talking to her, I don’t think that she’ll help. I don’t think if I could talk to someone in this state will help me feel at ease. Especially that it’s our relationship issue and problems. We should clear this up on all our own. It’s only between me and him, our family is now out of here.

Sleeping with the heavy burden inside me never makes me fall into a very dreamy doze. Nahirapan ako sa pagtulog ng gabing ’yon. Inaalala ko si Rhaegar lalo na at hindi man lang niya ako nagawang tawagan o i-message kung nasaan ako. Dahil magmula kaninang tanghali ay dito na ako dumiretso sa unit ko. It was like he’s really just letting me go whenever I want this time. Like he didn’t care to me at all.

I bitterly cried almost the whole night dahil bakit dito ko lang napagtanto na baka wala na talaga. Iisipin ko pa lang na maghihiwalay kami ay hindi ko na kaya.

I was bombarded by Zion’s call the next morning. I didn’t answer it dahil pagkagising na pagkagising ko ay ang sama ng aking pakiramdam at naduduwal akong nagtungo ng bathroom. I feel weakened by this state mixed by the thoughts of Rhaegar being with someone.

Then, later on, I feel the urge of going to his office. I need to see him. I need to talk to him. Kaya naman ay agad akong nagluto ng breakfast dahil hindi ako nakakain ng dinner kagabi. I took a bath and dressed myself beautifully. Bukod sa kailangan ko siyang makita ngayong araw ay isasama ko pa rin siya sa pagkikita namin ni mommy mamayang gabi.

If he really is with someone I shouldn’t have care about it. I believe and knew that it was only me who he loved. I should be brave and confident about it. I shouldn’t be this down and looked like I will be the one who will be left alone. No, and that will never gonna happen. I will never gonna let it happen.

If that woman was his past, she has nothing but the history of his. I’m the present and what we have and share wasn’t just only the memories of yesterday nor the history of the past. It was the photograph from the present that Rhaegar would definitely always remembered. It was always fresh and it happens every minute of the day.

As I went inside the taxi I get my phone inside my small handbag. Zion’s missed call to me earlier was flooded but he has no message left for me. I was wondering why he called me. If it’s just because he’s worried for me I wouldn’t definitely need it.

It’s also almost lunchtime dahil magtatanghali na rin ako nagising kanina dahil sa kaiiyak kagabi. I am heading to Sullivan’s company. Sakto at magla-lunch ay alam kong lalabas ulit si Rhaegar para kitain ang babae niya. What about interrupting him nor just followed him like what I did yesterday. But I promise that this will be different this time.

Hindi na ako iiyak. Dahil gusto ko lang din naman siyang surpresahin to see how he will react in that. It will be torture for me but I believe that this is the best thing I should do to show his woman that she has no place on him anymore. Rhaegar has me now and I will just only remind her that. Not that I am claiming what is mine but declaring what is mine is my purpose.

I’m done with a low-key relationship. I’m done of crying that I need to be brave this time. Rhaegar said to me that whatever happens, I shouldn’t let him loose from me. At ’yon ang gagawin ko ngayon.

As I read my mom’s message to me inside the car ay medyo gumaan naman ang pakiramdam ko. Our schedule for this day is set in fine dining later tonight. Medyo nabahala pa ako nung una dahil akala ko ay this noon muli kaming magkikita na gaya ng dati. But I get that as a cue na dapat ay maisama ko si Rhaegar mamayang gabi.

I will introduce him to my mom and that matter will make him realize that I’m taking him seriously. Masakit at mabigat pa rin ang loob ko dahil hindi ko lubos maisip na may babae siya ngayon, samantalang nung mga nakaraang linggo lang ay maayos naman kaming dalawa.

I thought and believe that he was the one who’s taking what we have in a very futuristic way. He’s sternly humid and stoic sometimes with his usual deep serious scowl. He was so direct and see things not in a temporary way.

Then that thought makes heart sting once again. I frowned and pursed my lips. It’s impossible that he just seeing me for a temporary and not in a permanent way. He showed and make me feel the cliche feeling of the word forever. Somehow, the enormous feeling crept in me when I think of it.

Bumaba ako ng taxi at kinalma ang sarili papasok ng lobby. As I get inside the elevator ay mabilis kong muling naramdaman ang malakas na pagpintig ng aking dibdib. Kung kanina ay ang lakas ng loob kong tumungo rito para harapin siya ay ngayon namang narito na ako ay napanghihinaan na ako ng loob.

What if it’s just me who believed again in love that is not really meant for me? What if it’s just only me this time who keeps on holding on?

My rapid heartbeats dawned on me as I walked towards the doorway of his office. I felt my knees trembled a bit as my steps getting heavier each time I took another. This was insane that my nervousness and breakdown can take me anytime soon.

I feel like I’m gonna cry the first time I saw him inside his office. Dahil sa unang beses na makikita ko siya ngayong araw ay alam kong may tunay ng mag-ibaba and that is his deep eyes that tells that it wasn’t me anymore.

Marahan kong tinulak ang pintuan kasabay ng mabigat kong pagsinghap. Nang mabuksan ko iyon at una kong matanawan si Zion at Theron na nasa harapan ng table ni Rhaegar ay huminto ako at hindi tumuloy sa pagpasok.

I can see how their faces are expressed in seriousness and glaring in darks. They were far but I can clearly see how Rhaegar’s thick black brows were in furrowed as he glared at the two men in front of him. Bahagyang nakatagilid sa aking gawi sila Theron at Zion pero tanaw ko kung paanong magseryoso ang mga tingin nila kay Rhaegar.

“Fuck you, Sullivan! Ria is innocent. Are you stupid, huh? Bakit hindi mo ginamit yung utak mo at nag-isip ka sana na alam mong may taong masasaktan sa mga ginagawa mo. You know what, I don’t really fucking know what’s wrong with you.” It was Zion’s voice that already made me feel that my heart leaps in chisels.

“You don’t understand it-” Theron cutted Rhaegar’s clarifying statement.

“I agree with Zion, Rhaegar. At first, I was in favor and feel good about what you are doing because I thought you are gonna be deeply fall back again… But this? You are a fucking dimwitted.” Theron’s voice was stern.

Napayuko ako sa pinag-uusapan nilang tatlo. So it was really me? Am I the subject and the victim of the truth that Rhaegar is just only using me? I bitterly swallowed hard as I felt my chest tightened. I was the hardcore of his lies and the one accrediting of the truth that I never expect to happen this way.

Nakita ko kung paanong magtangis ang bagang ni Rhaegar sa dalawa at mag-iwas ang madilim niyang mga mata palayo rito. His lips were in a grim line as his eyes filled with madness.

“Alam na ba ’to ni Ria?” Theron then asked him.

“She called me yesterday. She said that she sees you at lunch. I don’t know where she is and this idiot with her woman are in.” Zion answered that made the two turned their heads to Zion in an instant.

Pakiramdam ko ay mas lalo lang nadurog ang puso ko nang makita ang namilog na mga mata ni Rhaegar habang hindi naaalis ang talim ro’n. He was surprised that I saw them. And his reaction reflects and says what he was feeling. He seems stunned that the truth makes him restless…or makes him feel better now that I knew and see that he’s meeting with another woman. Na hindi na niya kailangan pang saktan ako kapag sinabi niya dahil ako na mismo ang nakakita sa kanila.

“How?” Theron was also shocked when he asked Zion about it.

Nag-iwas naman agad si Rhaegar ng tingin sa kanila na para bang wala ng halaga pa kung paano ko silang nakita ng babae niya kahapon.

“At the resto? In the hotel? I don’t know. But the only thing she said is that she sees you…no…she’s watching you both. Naisip mo man lang ba kung anong nararamdaman niya no’ng mga oras na ’yon Sullivan? Huh? I may be playing around with lots of women but I never take two at a time.” I can sense how the disappointment dripped in Zion’s voice.

Rhaegar’s jaw moved as his daggered eyes narrowed on him. I can sense that at any time, Rhaegar will burst. His lips were in a very thin line while his breathing became hefty.

“But does she know who the woman is?” It was Theron again who sounds very worried.

Natanawan kong balingan siya ni Zion ng tingin.

“I don’t think so. Because she asked me if who’s that woman that this numbskull with.”

Bumuntong-hininga si Theron na ani mong nakahinga ng maluwag. Habang si Rhaegar naman ay nakita kong kumalma ang hitsura.

“But this doesn’t mean that she will never recognize the truth. She’s also human Rhaegar, she’s a woman. Her feelings will evincive how much damage you caused to her, and it wasn’t that simple to think, Sullivan. It can be a lifetime scar.”

Zion’s remark gave me chills and made my hot tear escaped in my eyes. He was right. Truth never remains burried. Consequently to what I just found out yesterday and what just I heard as the confirmation of yesterday’s abrupt at this moment.

At first, it was hard to believe that Rhaegar is just using me. But now that her woman is back, it was deeply painful to discern what is truth and the lies he made. Naguguluhan ako at the same time ay nanghihina sa bigat at sakit ng loob na nararamdaman ng aking dibdib.

I looked down when I feel the difficulty of my situation. Kung noon ay pakiramdam ko ay lubos na akong nasaktan na humantong ako sa puntong wakasan ang lahat ng nararamdaman ko. But if you will comparatively analyze in what is my circumstance I’m having right now, they are far from those pain I had back then before he came into my life.

Dahil nasisiguro kong doble ’yung sakit na ibinibigay niya sa akin ngayon. Nakakapanghina at nakakapanlumong isipin na hahantong din pala kami sa ganitong sitwasyon. Because I never imagined this condition would come and happened to us. I trusted and give what I need to lend to him just for us to be here.

Ang mahihina kong impit na paghikbi habang isinasara ang pinto ng kaniyang opisina ay hindi ko napigilang kumawala. Bago ko pa man marahan na maisara ang pintuan ay nakita ko pang mahuli ako ng namimilog at mariin na mga mata ni Rhaegar. Mabilis akong nag-iwas ng tingin at tuluyang isinara ang pintuan.

I wiped away every tear I am shedding on my face. It was unstoppable that every employee would notice as I walked past through their way. Diretso ang lakad ko kahit na ang mabibigat kong mga paa sa paghakbang ay pinipilit pa ring umusad makaalis lang sa lugar na ito.

My heavy footsteps were heading to the elevator.

How can he do this to me? How could he lie on me? Tinanong ko siya noon kung isa ba ako sa mga babaeng gagamitin niya and I believe his intentions. Because I felt the sincerity even I feel strange at the same time.

He said that I’m far from that. That I was different and those words allured me. Making me fall on the ground of hope in despair that he really is not into me. It wasn’t still a slap but my tears were intent that I can’t even snatch my breathing back to its ease. My chest is heaving as the waive of it flowed in pain.

Hindi pa man niya sinasabi ng direkta sa akin na hindi niya na ako mahal o hindi naman niya ’ko minahal ay masakit na akong sinasaksak ng ideyang iyon. Masyadong malubha at mapinsala sa kalooban kong nag-asam at hinayaan lamang ang sarili na magmahal. Kahit na kailan ay hindi ko naman hiniling na masaktan ng ganito. Nakakapagod na dahil paulit ulit nalang ’yung sakit.

And what makes me more feel weak in so much pain is that I can almost feel that I’m getting numb even where the state of its every pain were uneven. It’s getting more excruciating each time passes. It’s crucified the feeling of ease and comfort that made me feel unfamiliar with it in time.

Napasandal ako sa malamig na dingding ng elevator habang isinasandig don ang sakit at bigat na nararamdaman ko. Ani mong anumang oras ay handa na sa pagbagsak ang aking katawan sa mga sugat na tinatamo ko.

But before the elevator close, someone waylaid the closing door. My lips parted as my eyes didn’t even blink. Tears continuously flowing and my heartbeats began to stab by a drumroll of pain.

Rhaegar…

His dark piercing eyes narrowed on me. It was hinted by pain that I haven’t recognize earlier. I thought all he feels was madness and that he wasn’t even get inflicted in our situation.

Mas lalo akong nanghina at nasaktan na makita siya ngayong nakatayo sa aking harapan. Nakaramdam ako ng takot dahil sa pangambang baka ito na ang huli.

Pumasok siya sa loob at inalis ang pagkakaharang ng kaniyang mga braso sa pintuan ng elevator. Nagbaba ako ng tingin nang hindi matagalan ang kaniyang mga mata.

I bit my lips harshly as I tame myself from sobbing.

“Aiden…” His voice was stabbing me hardly.

My throat swelled as my heart sting in enormous injury. The subtleness of his voice makes me more dwell in pain.

Nanginginig ang aking mga labi at nakatutop lang ang tingin sa sahig. Hindi siya magawang tingnan sa mga mata.

“I’m sorry-”

“Rhaegar what are you sorry for? M-Maayos naman tayo ’di ba? Wala naman tayong n-naging problema o pinag-awayan lately. So what are you saying s-sorry for?” Nanginginig at nauutal kong sabi dahil sa hirap na impit kong paghikbi.

He eyed me, traced every bit of my face as I drowned in tears. I saw how leniency crossed on his dim eyes. He feels sympathy for me.

“I’m sorry Aiden. Hindi ko sinasadyang masaktan kita-”

“No Rhaegar, I know you loved me. This is impossible. Tell me this is not happening. You didn’t use me, right? You never use me…” Paos at nasasaktan kong iniling ng paulit ulit ang aking ulo na parang walang kahit na anong paniniwalaan.

His lips were in grim of tamped pain. He then shook his head off like I was saying the wrong thing.

At don na tuluyang bumagsak ang dalawa kong balikat at mag-umpisang gumuhit ang ang sakit na sumidhi sa aking dibdib. My lips dropped dramatically as the excruciating pain stabbed me painfully. My grewly hot eyes started to blinked like I was stopping it to heat more.

“H-How Rhaegar? Ang sabi mo iba ako sa mga naging babae mo. You said that I was special. Is that all a lie? Is that all part of your play-”

“No, Aiden…”

“Then what?!” Nagtatangis ang nanginginig kong mga labi ng itanong ko iyon sa kaniya.

Masyado ng mabigat at masakit sa aking dibdib. Hindi ko alam kung panong kakayaning makita sa kaniyang mga mata ang pait at awa na alam kong tingin niya sa akin ngayon.

Nanlulumo, nanginginig at namamanhid ang aking katawang nakatunghay sa kaniyang mga mata ng may pighati.

“I meant everything I said. It’s just that… I guess it wrong. Nakamali ako sa mga ginawa ko. And I’m very sorry that I hurted you this way.” His voice was deep and large as his eyes bore on me weakly.

I gritted my teeth as my face filled with tears glancing at him painfully.

“Did you really loved me, Rhaegar?” I said that the pain dripped on my voice.

Pigil ko ng aking paghinga at mahapdi na ang mga mata kong nakatingin sa kaniya. He glared at me. His jaw moved before his thin lips parted to spoke.

“I’m not so sure. My feelings for you were uncertain, Aiden.”

His words leave my mouth in a hang of disbelief and dumbfounded. I slowly looked away as my rational thoughts became irrational that I got lost for a minute.

He didn’t know if he truly loves me? How come is that happens? How is that possible to say that he wasn’t so sure of me. He chooses me and disobeyed his mother. Isn’t that enough that he also decline the engagement just for us to give us time and to finally be together? Hindi pa ba ’yon sukatan para masabing minahal niya ako?

“I’m really sorry, Aiden.” He said in a very deep husky voice.

Kasabay ng malalim niyang boses ay ang pagbukas din ng elevator. Saglit pa kaming nagkatitigan bago niya ako tuluyang tinalikuran at iwanan sa loob.

Bumagsak ang dalawang balikat ko kasabay nang pagkapit ko sa dingding ng apat na sulok na pinapalooban ko. He left me without explaining and saying what is his reasons. He left me that stating it wasn’t really me anymore. He left me hang and dumbfounded by his words.

Mabilis ang naging kabog ng mapait at sugatan ko ng puso. Mabigat at nanghihina ang pakiramdam ng aking katawan. Blangko at tanging sakit lang ang alam kong tanging laman ng aking isipan.

My body tottered as I dwell in the excruciating pain. Sapo ko ang aking dibdib nang maramdaman ang sobrang pananakit nito. Sinusubukan ko ring hulihin ang hangin na kanina ko pa pilit na hinahabol. Naninikip ang dibdib ko sa sakit at kirot ng kapighatiang nararamdaman sa mga oras na ito.

Paanong hindi niya alam kung minahal niya ba talaga ako? Pagpapanggap lang ba ang lahat o walang kasiguraduhan lang niyang ginawa ang mga iyon?

Tell me Rhaegar… Take it back… I know you loved me. Naramdaman ko iyon. Your feelings aren’t uncertain, I know it was pure. I know that you also loved me. Please take it back…please…

Kabanata 43

Kabanata 43

Pain

The word pain isn’t enough to expound this feeling. I feel like there are wounds that started to get more incisive each time I remember Rhaegar’s dagger words on me.

It’s all running in my head and I can’t just shake it all off my mind. It was a remark that leaves a bruise in my dwelling painful heart.

I remember how it feels to be hurt. But this time…the excruciating sting was different. It was vast that left me in flabbergast. Nahihirapan akong iproseso ang lahat dahil hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko pa rin lubos na maisip na nangyayari ito sa amin.

Rhaegar, all he did is to give me time that we always spent worthwhile. He showed me love and make me feel what intimate affection can be. The bliss of it was priceless but now that he said that he’s uncertain… I don’t know what to keep and believe in our relationship.

Is it our end? Does it our farewell breakup? Leaving me alone inside the elevator? Is that how good he is at breaking a woman’s heart?

My eyes were swollen as my tears won’t stop falling. I feel strained and weak from crying. I want to cry more but then I feel like I have nothing to wail more.

Pumasok ako ng aking silid at marahang ibinagsak ang pagod ko ng sarili sa kama. Pakiramdam ko ay namamaga ang buong katawan ko at nahihirapan akong gumalaw. Na para bang sa isang paghakbang muli ng aking mga paa ay babagsak rin ang aking mga luha.

Nanlalabo ang aking paningin. Nabubulag sa larawang si Rhaegar lang ang tangi nitong gustong makita. I still can’t believe it. I never doubt him again before. I never feel that he has someone with. I never think that he would break me as well.

Kasi naniwala ako sa kaniya. Kumapit ako sa kaniya at nagpadala sa bugso ng damdamin kong siya lang dapat at siya na talaga iyon at wala ng iba. It was all a reminder to myself that now breaking me into so many pieces.

I started to feel lost my senses as I lay down on my bed. My lone hot tear then escaped from my pained eyes again.

Why Rhaegar? Bakit mo nagawang saktan din ako? Naniwala ako sa’yo at hindi ko lubos maisip na all this time, you were uncertain to what you are feeling for me. Kasi naramdaman ko…naramdaman kong totoo iyong pagmamahal na pinilit mong ibigay sa akin.

I tried to avoid you. I leave you but then you still find me. That’s all enough to say that you loved me. That you can’t just lose me. But why now… you are leaving me?

Mariing nakapikit ang aking mga mata, nakatagilid ng higa at yakap-yakap ang unan ko habang lumuluha. Walang paglagyan ang sakit at bigat ng dibdib ko sa mga oras na ’to. Ito yung pakiramdam na nawalan ako sa isang bagay na inakala kong akin. Yung pakiramdam na inakala ko ay magiging maayos na ang lahat pero nag-uumpisa pa lang pala.

Pinunasan ko ang mga luhang namamalisbis sa aking pingi at hinabol ang hiningang kanina ko pa pala halos nawala. Pigil ko ang impit kong pag-iyak na mas lalong nagpasakit at nagpabigat sa dibdib kong nahihirapan na sa sakit.

I heard my phone ringing below the side of my bed. I am so weak to even glance at it. Ni kahit kuhanin iyon ay hindi pumasok sa aking isipan. Dahil ang tangi lang na bumabagabag sa aking ulo ay si Rhaegar na may iba ng kinakasama.

The thought of getting stuck in the pain he gave me makes me lost my mind of even trying to get out of it. I was wrapped by the bitterness and sorrow that Rhaegar is now leaving me.

He’s the only one that I truly love and if I lose him, it will gonna be the end of my searching. Because I have no one to look for but him. He is the only one I want and my heart is beating about. Him and will remain only him.

Nang matigil ako sa pagluha at ilang minutong pagod na tumulala sa kawalan ay marahang kumurap ang aking mabigat na mga talukap. Kanina pa tumigil sa pagtunog ang aking cellphone na halos ilang beses rin akong sinubukang kontakin ng kung sino man.

I let a very heavy sigh and my eyes were in bleak weakened stares towards everything. Pakiramdam ko ay walang buhay ang pagod at malungkot kong mga mata sa kahit anong bagay na posible nitong tapunan. Mapanglaw at nanghihina sa mga gagawin dahil kahit mismo isip ko ay nakaramdam ng pagod sa sakit.

Kinuha ko ang cellphone ko at nakitang mag-a-alas siete na rin ng gabi. I cried for almost my whole half day. Kaya ganito nalang din siguro ang pagod at panghihina ng aking katawan at isipan.

I lifelessly open my phone and saw that it was my mom who called me. I blinked weakly as my lifeless sigh exhaled.

We have fine dining tonight and I planned that Rhaegar will be with me tonight so I can introduce him to my mom. But then, it was a failure. The whole thing wasn’t epic now that Rhaegar left me.

Our scheduled time in the restaurant that my mom set for me was seven in the evening. At nang tingnan ko ang oras ay early seven pa lang. Gustuhin ko mang hindi pumunta ay ayaw kong maapektuhan ang relasyon namin ni mommy.

Ngayon na lang ulit kami magkikita at magkakausap ay hindi pa ko makakadalo. Ayaw kong sayangin ang oras na pwede ko siyang makasama lalo na at mahaba na ang panahong nawalay kami sa isa’t isa.

Kahit nanghihina ay walang buhay akong nag-ayos ng sarili. I go to the bathroom and have myself clean especially my swollen eyes that are fresh from crying in hours. Naging mabagal ang pagkilos ko marahil na rin siguro sa sakit na aking dinaramdam.

Lumabas ako ng unit ko at wala sa sariling tinungo ang elevator. Then when I get inside ay hindi ko maiwasang mag-init ang aking mga mata sa alaalang rumagasa rito. This where I always meet him early in the morning…

I hardly gulped and blinked my weakened eyes twice when I started to feel that there’s a sweat heat line tear began to clang on my bottom lids.

I should stop crying. Naniniwala akong makakapag-usap pa kami ni Rhaegar at susubukan kong ayusin kung ano man ang naging problema. I’m still hoping and not giving up that this just a phase that will definitely fade. Masyadong naging mabilis ang naging desisyon niya at nagpadala sa nararamdaman.

He wasn’t also even saying his goodbye to me so why will I cry this hard? But he said he is sorry, he was sorry for hurting me this way. Isn’t that mean that he was already saying his farewell? That he’s already telling me my sudden heartbreak?

I pursed my lips. Sinubukan kong pigilan na maglaro ang isipan ko sa masasakit na posibilidad. It wasn’t the end. It’s still wasn’t our end. We will talk more about it. I will definitely go and talked to him about us. We can still fix it. We will fix it.

Nang makasakay ako sa backseat ng taxi ay pinagmasdan ko ang labas mula sa bintanang nakasarado. It is raining. It was unexpected. And I feel like the night rain was giving me his sympathies.

I didn’t inform my mom that I will be going. Dahil nasisigurado kong magpahanggang ngayon ay hinihintay niya pa rin ako. It’s near eight in the evening when I finally reach the restaurant location that she sends to me this morning.

I went out of the taxi at mabilis naman akong nasilungan dahil malawak ang harapan ng building. The rain wasn’t that pouring heavily unlike it was earlier, ambon na lamang ito ngayon.

I went to the lobby and walk towards the elevator. Ilang sandali pa ay narating ko rin ang tamang palapag. Our place was now new compare to our last meet-up. It’s now around Makati and not in The Fort.

I feel the ambiance of this very nice Hotel, might be in Ventura. Nilakad ng aking mga paa ang gawi ng hindi kalayuang resto kung saan naghihintay sa akin si Mommy. And when I’m near the entrance I felt my phone vibrated. I paused in walking then slid my hand inside my small pursed bag.

It was Zion who’s calling me when I checked who it was. Napasinghap ako nang maisip na baka kaya siya tumatawag ay nalaman niyang nagkausap kami ni Rhaegar kanina. That he was sorry because I heard all that he said.

Even I’m hesitant, I swipe the call to answer him. Tanaw ko na ang loob ng resto kaya nagpatuloy ako sa paglalakad.

“Nasaan ka Ria?” His large voice started.

I didn’t speak. Why did he ask?

“Ria,” I can feel the tension in his voice na hindi ko magawang maintindihan kung saan nanggagaling.

“Why Zion?” Mahina kong tanong sa kaniya.

Pumasok ako ng restaurant at saglit na tumigil sa isang gilid para pakinggan ang anumang sasabihin niya.

“Where are you exactly? You’re not in your condo? Nasaan ka?”

“If you’re asking about my whereabouts just because of Rhaegar, I’m not sure. He’s not with me-”

“It’s not Rhaegar,” ani pa niya na may nag-aalalang tono.

Napakunot ako ng noo. I stood properly and continue walking inside so I can find where is my mom’s table. I was about to hang up the call when the attendant of the resto approached me. Ibinaba ko ang aking phone saglit para harapin ang babaeng may masigasig na ngiti sa kaniyang mga labi.

“Table of Celeste Eve Reyes, Miss. She was reserved here.” I muttered that made her walked immediately towards their front desk. Naglakad din ako palapit sa gawi niya at nakita kong may saglit siyang tiningnan ron.

“Kayo po ba si Ms. Eleftheria Aiden De Laughrey?” She asked me as she checked the logged book again.

“Yeah,” I simply muttered.

Nakita kong matigilan siya saglit, mukhang nagtataka dahil halos isang oras na rin akong na late ng dating.

“This way po, Ma’am.” She then uttered that led my way.

I walked next to her and when I remember on my phone that Zion is calling me ay agad ko iyong tiningnan. But it was now ended. I maybe accidentally die down my phone.

Huminto ang babae sa isang pintuan. I halted and glance at the door in front of me. Yumuko pa muna siya bahagya bago niya tuluyang binuksan iyon para sa akin.

Nang makita ko ang loob at mapansing isa itong malaki at malawak ay natigilan ako saglit. This room caters a lot of customers and huge solo tables but seems to be preferred for the elite and high-class customers. The place has a view of the city lights behind those glass walls as I walked inside. There were luxury chandeliers that hang above. The place was cozy but the silence and elegance of the fine dining were draughts.

It was a huge spacious floor that I continued walking at the left side in the row of tables when I got in. Hinanap ng aking mga mata ang gawi ni Mom. But when I saw the familiar broad shoulder and lean back with his black coat, I froze. I stop from walking as I blinked my eyes twice.

He wasn’t facing my way but the familiar broad shoulders I used to lean on before in bed, I was so sure that it was Rhaegar.  My lips pursed but when I saw who the woman in front of him my eyes widened, lips parted leaving in shock that I cannot believe who it was.

I felt my heart sting as the loud painful beating of my heart began to strike me. My mouth was in half-open. No…

Nakatalikod sa aking gawi si Rhaegar pero sigurado ako na siya iyan. And the woman in front of him… is my mom.

Mabilis ang naging pintig ng aking dibdib habang tinatanaw sila sa hindi kalayuang lamesa mula sa aking kinatatayuan.

The woman at the party of Faye that Rhaegar is hugging, was it also her? The woman yesterday that Rhaegar is meeting, is that her as well? And now the woman in front of me that I am finally seeing her face was my… Mom.

Halos manlumo ako ng maramdaman ang pangangatog ng aking mga tuhod. My lips started to shiver as the loud thud beating of my heart getting more in pain each throb confirmed that it was my mom.

I felt my eyes grew hotter as I breathe hitch. The heavy waves of my chest were untamed as I slowly lift my heavy foot to take a step towards their way. It was a heavy footstep that I hardly take because of the pain that slowly digging in me.

Nanginginig ang aking mga tuhod at nanghihina ang aking buong katawan. My stomach was on a hollow that I cannot stomach what I’m witnessing now. I’m not yet crying but the bottom lid of my eyes started to built its sweat in hotted tears. At nang natanaw ni Mommy ang gawi ko ay nakita ko kung paanong magulat siya at mangiti na makita ako.

She looked stunned to see me attending here but her face was lit with a smile plastered on it. Mabilis siyang tumayo habang ako ay huminto sa likuran ng lalaking nakaharap sa kaniya ngayon.

“Anak,” she drawled happily surprised.

“M-Mom, w-who is this guy?” My voice stutter as I cannot contain my heavy breath now.

He was so close to me. Hindi pa man niya ko hinaharap ay alam kong si Rhaegar ito.

“Akala ko ay hindi ka na makakarating. Maupo ka muna-” I cutted my mom’s voice when she sounds oblivion to what is happening.

“I am asking you, mom. Who…is this guy?” I said emphasizing every word that I utter.

Pigil ang hininga ko at gayun na rin ang mga luhang nagbabadya na sa pagbuhos. I was preventing it all by stopping my breath as my body shivered in the strain of pain.

Nakita ko kung paanong matigilan si Mommy sa sinabi ko. Binalingan niya ang lalaking nasa harapan naming pareho bago siya muling nag-angat sa akin ng tingin. Naramdaman ko kung paanong manigas si Rhaegar sa kaniyang kinauupuan. And when I cannot anticipate of it all ay mabilis akong naglakad at sinulyapan ang lalaking patuloy na dumudurog sa aking puso.

His serious dark eyes that immediately caught my vision make me left in tears. Mabilis na nag-init ang aking mga mata na hindi rin nagtagal ay nangatal at walang awat sa pagbuhos ang mga luhang hindi magawang paniwalaan ang nakikita.

Mariin at seryoso ang mga mata niyang tumunghay sa akin habang ako ay hindi magawang paniwalaan ang mga nakikita. Naguguluhan at hindi masikmurang tanggapin ang namumuong konklusyon sa aking isipan.

Rhaegar stood up from his seat and I can see how he looked in pain as well. But my pain has nothing to compare to him. How could he do these things on me? How could he…

“He’s Kaywin, do you know him Eleftheria-”

“Is this your woman? Is she your woman Rhaegar? Sagutin mo ako!” I asked him with a sudden raised voice.

My wails were unstoppable as my emotions weren’t contained anymore. The pain and the damage I was started to feel were began to ruin me.

His stubborn jaw that is now moving didn’t even bother to spoke, as if he wasn’t heard what I just asked him. His eyes that are now in dark with the unknown glare was now directed at me. It wasn’t the Rhaegar I love anymore. His eyes were now different that I can’t even recognize him.

Naramdaman kong hawakan ni Mom ang braso ko na mabilis kong hinawi paalis sa kaniyang pagkakahawak. I turned my gazes on her with my face lit in tears. I saw how her face fraught in shock and worriedness. She looked stunned that the confusion filled her expression.

“Anak…”

“Mom, t-tell me you’re not involved with him. T-That you are not the woman he is with.”  I was biting my lower lip after I asked her that, stopping my sobs to take me again.

It was too much. I cannot take this. I cannot stomach it. I cannot endure the possible pain that this night will be leaving on me.

“It’s her Aiden.” Natigilan ako at hindi ikinurap ang aking dalawang matang walang awat sa pagluha.

It was Rhaegar’s deep large voice who answered me. I slowly turned my gaze on him with my eyes gazes in disbelief. Iniling iling ko ang aking ulo na parang hindi ito maaaring mangyari. Na parang hindi ito nangyagari.

“It’s your mom, Aiden-”

He paused when my hand immediately perch on his face. His face tilted on the other side after I slapped him so hard. Nanlalamig at nanginginig ang kamay kong malakas na dumampi sa kaniyang pisngi. My shoulders started to shudder as I gasped for air to breathe.

Nanlalabo ang aking paningin dahil sa umaapaw na mga luhang walang humpay sa pagbadya at pagbuhos nito.

“For goodness sake, Rhaegar! She’s my mom! H-How could you do this to me? Why did you do this to me?! Sa dinami rami ng babae sa mundo, seriously it was just my mom after all? I can’t believe you!” Nagtatangis ang bagang ko at nanginginig ang aking mga labing sinabi iyon sa kaniya.

Masakit, kumikirot ang dibdib kong kulang na lang ay magdugo sa sobrang pasakit na nararamdaman. Kung kanina ay inakala kong magiging maayos pa kami. That I’m so sure that we can talk it out and fixed everything dahil misunderstanding lang. Pero ngayong makita na ganito na pala kalala ang sitwasyon ko…sitwasyon namin ay hindi ko na alam kung ano ang mangyayari.

I feel so drained, I feel so weak that accepting the fact that he’s with another woman breaks me already. But knowing the truth that that woman he’s with is my mom, is tearing me in torns of millions of pieces. I feel left behind. I feel stabbed. I feel broken that fixing myself wasn’t possible.

“Eleftheria…” It was my mom’s worried and frightened voice behind me that immediately went on Rhaegars way.

My mom eyed me like she can’t believe to what just I did. I am the one filled in tears and looked in despair but it’s Rhaegar she attended. Mas lalo lang kumirot ang aking dibdib sa nasasaksihan.

“Mom, d-did you even know that this man is my boyfriend?” I then asked her in tears that made her stop and lift her eyes on me.

I saw how she looked stunned at what I just said. I swallowed the huge lamp that stuck at the back of my throat together with the untamed soft sobs that my shoulders are trembling about. My willies and unrelenting tears get into my nerves that sends chills on me.

“Rhaegar is my boyfriend mom! And what are you doing to him? Why are you with him?!”

Nakita ko kung paano siyang matigilan at magitla ng ilang sandali.

“Eleftheria, I d-didn’t know-

“You said that it was only my Dad. You said to me that you only love my father since he was dead and up until now. No one else and just only him. Pero ngayon, a-ano ’tong nakikita ko Mom? Bakit kailangan siya pa? Why does it need to be him? I-I loved him…” My words cracked as the hot tears continuously streamed into my cheeks.

Nangapa siya ng salitang sasabihin ngunit walang kahit na anong lumabas sa kaniyang bibig. She was startled and speechless. At nang balingan ko ang seryoso at namamanglaw na mga mata ni Rhaegar na nasa akin ang tingin ay lalo ko lang naramdaman ang kutsilyong tumatarak sa aking dibdib. Mas lumalalim at dumiriin ang pagkakasaksak sa aking puso sa bawat segundong lumilipas na magkalapat ang aming mga mata.

I was torn. I was in pain that I didn’t know where to come up. I should be lost of words but my heart can’t just be this silent forever. I have to speak up. I have to burst and let this pain out in me even though there is no way of ceasing the shedding pain I feel.

“Bakit Rhaegar? Sabihin mo sa’kin kung bakit. How this all happened? Zion told me that your woman was part of your past that you cannot get over with. Is she my mom? Hmm? Is that my mom all along Rhaegar?!” I get neared him and stabbed him by my weakest knock.

Nanghihina ako na mabilis niyang hinuli ang dalawang braso kong pilit siyang sinasaktan. He held my arms and eyed me like I should stop this already. That I should get over it.

I looked pitiful in what I’m doing but it’s all my heart can do at the moment. Because my heart can’t endure the pain of seeing them together.

“You’re such a crook Rhaegar. You’re such an ass that you did this to me… I believed in you because I have faith that you were the one I needed. You were the one who helped me to get through everything I am dwelling in. Pero bakit mo ’to nagawa sa akin? Paano mo akong nagagawang saktan pagkatapos mo sa aking iparamdam na iba ako, na may puwang ako diyan sa puso mong sarado simula nung una kitang makilala.”

Ang impit kong paghikbi ang mas lalong nagpahirap sa dinaramdam kong sakit ngayon. My face was full of tears as my shoulders drooping in ache.

Pinagmasdan ako ni Rhaegar habang ang kamay ko ay nananatiling nasa kaniyang hawak. Sinubukan kong magpumiglas pero mas lalong niyang hinigpitan ang pagkakahawak sa akin.

His brow was furrowed not because of the pain but because of the heartache he was also feeling. I know and I can thoroughly see in his dark eyes that he’s also dwelling in pain.

“Aiden please, go home.” He muttered huskily that rip my whole being.

Namilog ang aking mga matang nakatitig sa kaniya. Hindi makapaniwala na nagagawa niyang sabihin ito sa akin ngayon.

“Pag-uusapan natin ’to bukas-”

“No, we will talk about this now. Tell me everything Rhaegar. Tell me…” My voice quivered in plead as my eyes rage in dolors.

He frowned and looked at me more intensely this time. I can’t dictate him, that was the humid stern expression he was giving me.

“Go home…that’s what you need to do for now.” He let go of my hand as I step back weakly.

“No, I will not go without you! Go home with me…” I muttered huskily as my eyes full of tears.

He shook his head off. His eyes were in a menace of grief that is hurting me more to see.

“You go home alone-”

“Rhaegar…please, hindi ako aalis hangga’t hindi kita kasama.”

“I’m sorry.” He said in a huge deep husk voice that made my heart leap in pain.

I glance at him wearily wreck in disbelief then lifted to my mom who looked in pain as well. Nang mag-iwas ako ng luhaan kong mga mata sa kanila ay halos manliit ako sa mga matang sa nakatingin sa akin. The people here inside were watching me the whole time with their eyes filled with sympathy. They looked awful in me at the same time.

But I feel more pity for myself. Bagsak ang nakaawang kong mga labi nang akmang hahawakan ako ni Mommy.

“D-Don’t touch me.” I stopped her.

Mariin at masama ang mga mata kong nakatuon sa kaniya. Gayundin kay Rhaegar na hindi ko maiwasang tingnan ng may pait at sakit sa mga mata. I get away from their glares and slowly took my heavy steps away from them.

“Eleftheria…”

I just ignore my mom’s summon on me. Hindi ko na kayang lingunin pa sila nang lagpasan ko na sila ng mabibigat kong paghakbang. Nanghihina at sugatan ang dibdib kong naglakad paalis sa mga matang nasa akin ang mga tingin.

Umalis ako nang hirap at pigil ang paghikbi at pag-alpas ng dibdib kong kapos sa paghinga. I feel so down that the despair I am having at this moment making my state aweary.

At nang sa wakas ay makalabas ako sa doorway ay do’n ko na hindi napigilang isandig ang sarili sa pader. I was leaning on the cold wall as I put there my woe. I wailed there the heartaches that I cannot manage to take anymore.

I feel weak and the exhaustion I am feeling is making my head hurts. I felt my vague vision because the tears that about to come out, bring my sight in dizziness. Napahawak ako sa aking ulo nang maramdaman ang pananakit nito. I shut my eyes tightly as I tried to walk.

I have to go home. I wanna go home. Hindi ko na kaya yung sakit na nararamdaman ko. Gusto kong humiga at magpahinga. Gusto kong mawala at alisin ang mabigat na bato na dumadagan sa aking dibdib.

I shut my eyes tightly when I feel my head hurts as I felt my stomach in a hollow pit. Napaawang ang bibig ko sa magkahalong sakit na nararamdaman. Isinandig ko ang aking braso sa pader ng hindi ko na makayanan pa ang hilo na nararamdaman.

At nang hindi ko na nakayanan ay bigla ko nalang namalayan ang sarili kong mahulog sa sahig. I feel numb that I didn’t felt the pain when I fall on the ground. My head spinning and my stomach is aching.

But the physical pain wasn’t that painful compare to what my emotional state is giving me. Then slowly I felt my eyes consumed by the darkness that the only thing that was running in my head is that Rhaegar.

That I can’t just lose Rhaegar. That I should take him back and make him realize that I am the one he really loved. I won’t let him slip from my hold as I promised to him back then…as I promised to myself before. That whatever happens, I will never loose the grip. I will never get him forfeit from my tight hold.

Kabanata 44

Kabanata 44

Bridge

Mariin kong ipinikit ang aking mga mata nang subukan kong idilat ito. Dahil tanging ang nakakasilaw na puting ilaw ang bumungad sa aking nanlalabong paningin. I blinked and shut my eyes tightly as I adjust my vision from the sharp light that struck me.

I felt my back hurt a bit as my head in heave. Nang subukan kong idilat muli ang aking mga mata ay naging malinaw na ang paligid.

Natanawan ko ang pulos puting kulay ng pader na pinapalooban ko nang suriin ko ang paligid. I look at my side and saw that there is some dextrose attached to my wrist. But my sight immediately glued at the man near on my bedside.

Nangunot ang noo ko. I remember him. I met him before but I just don’t remember where it was.

He looked prim and his menacing glares were all darted on me. He was sitting on a couch while his thighs were on the cross.

I was about to ask him if where I was when I realize that I’m in a hospital bed.

“Why am I here? S-Sino ka?” I asked him in a low tone. Bahagya pang namamaos ang aking boses.

His brows shot up while he crossed his arms on me.

“You fainted that’s why you are here. I just saw you near the elevator, walang malay.” He explained in a deep voice.

Nag-iwas ako sa kaniya ng tingin nang maalala ang nangyari kanina. But when I realize the time I immediately glance at him. He seems attentive that his eyes never leave my way.

“Anong oras na?”

He took a simple quick glance on his wrist before he uttered.

“It’s midnight. You slept for almost three hours. Do you…want anything?” Nakita kong mangunot ang dalawang itim niyang makapal na kilay na nakatingin sa akin nang itanong niya iyon.

I stared at him for a while at ganon din siya sa akin. I wanted to recognize his name pero hindi ko talaga siya makilala. At isa pa ay kailangan ko na ring umalis dito para makauwi na ako.

“Thank you for bringing me here. Who are you again?” I then asked him that made his brows shot up once again.

His thin lips in a grim and the one corner of it tugged up before he spoke.

“I know that you’re name is Ria. Damn, I never thought that there will be a woman who will forget my name… it’s Sovrano,”

I remember him. He’s the guy I met in the club before. I nod my head at him then drifted my eyes on the blanket that covers my body. I tried to sit and put my back on the rest of my pillow. Nang mapansing nahihirapan ako ay nakita ko sa gilid ng aking mga mata ang mabilis na pagdalo niya sa akin.

He helped me up the upper side of my bed and arranged the pillows on my back.

“Salamat.” Tangi kong nasabi sa kaniya. Naramdaman ko naman ang pagtitig niya sa akin na hindi ko pinagtuonan ng pansin.

Nanghihina pa rin ang katawan ko pero hindi naman na kagaya ng kanina. My heart was still on the sting as it throbs weakly when I remember Rhaegar and my mom’s thing in between. Nakakabigla at magpahanggang ngayon ay hindi ko pa rin lubusang maisip kung paanong naging ganito kakumplikado ang lahat sa amin.

Halos sabay pa kaming napalingon ni Sovrano sa gawi ng pintuan ng silid na ito nang bumukas iyon. Nakita kong pumasok ang doktora habang siya naman ay nananatiling nakatayo sa aking kabilang dako.

“Doc,” namamaos kong ani.

“Mabuti naman at nagising ka na. Kamusta ang pakiramdam mo? Do you feel any pain?” She asked me nang makalapit ito sa amin.

Napatingin pa muna ako sa lalaking nasa aking tabi bago bumaling kay doktora.

“Maayos naman na po. But I still feel a slight heaviness in my head.”

Then she eyed Sovrano beside me.

“Your wife should be taken more extra care of herself, especially that she has a baby that needs to take care of. She needs to avoid stress-”

“A-Ano po ’yon Doc?” I opt to cut her off when I heard something that caught my attention.

Bumaling siya sa akin at mukhang nagulat kaya saglit pang natigilan. Napatingin pa siyang muli kay Sovrano at nakita ko kung paanong mangunot din ang kaniyang noo sa doktora.

“Pardon me. I don’t understand what you are saying, Doc.” My voice was getting small but in breath dahil ang kaba ay unti unti ng sumibol sa aking dibdib.

Napaayos ako ng upo sa aking kama nang tipid na ngumiti sa akin si doktora.

“So you didn’t know, Ms. De Laughrey? You are pregnant. There is a living baby inside your womb. You’re almost three months pregnant. Congratulations,”

And there, my breathing started to hitch. My mouth dramatically went dropped open. I’m pregnant. I will be going to have a baby. Rhaegar and I will be going to have a baby.

Napahawak ako sa aking tiyan at marahang hinaplos iyon habang ang mga mata ko ay nag-uumpisa ng mag-init.

I’m going to be a mother… And Rhaegar, he will be a father.

Nang mag-angat ako ng tingin kay Sovrano ay nakita ko ang bakas ng pagkagulat sa kaniyang mga mata habang si doktora naman ay may malamyos na ngiti para sa akin.

“You should have to take extra care from now on. Reduce stress and as long as you can, remove stressed dahil makakaapekto ito sa kapit ng bata sa iyong sinapupunan. The reason why you are also emotional if you noticed, it’s because you are pregnant. I didn’t know that you haven’t checked and know about your situation, Ms. De Laughrey. But still, I’m happy for the both of you.” she then said to me before she glances at Sovrano and leaves us later on.

Naiwan naman akong nakaawang ang mga labi at may mainit na luhang nakaamba sa aking mga mata.

“I-I’m pregnant…” I muttered underneath my breath in so much unbelievable.

“Who’s the father? You should call him now.” Mayamaya ay dinig kong ani Sovrano sa aking tabi.

Nang maglapat ang aming mga mata ay bigla naman akong nakaramdam ng panlulumo. I should call Rhaegar. I should inform him of the good news dahil nasisigurado kong matutuwa siya.

But then when the whirlwind circumstances of ours earlier that crashed in my head made me lose my hope. He won’t be happy if he knows it. We are in the middle of this problem at hindi ko gustong gamitin ang bata para lang magkaayos kaming dalawa.

Even how much I wanted to tell him that we will be having a child ay may parte sa dibdib kong ayaw sabihin sa kaniya. Especially in our situation right now. He’s the one who’s pushing me away. I can feel that he can’t be with me anymore. But I will try to do my very best to get him back without using our child. I will get him back for our child.

I wiped away the tears that flowed down on my cheeks as I glance outside the window of Sovrano’s car. Ilang saglit lang din ay nakalabas na rin ako ng hospital. Sovrano even arranged the bill for me even how much I insist that I can pay it.

Hindi man kami ganoong magkakilala ay naramdaman ko pa ring may pag-aalala sa kaniyang mga mata. I was just silent the whole time at yakap ang sariling tiyan. Hindi naman niya ako inimik at tinatanya ang bawat paggalaw ko.

Nang ihinto niya ang kaniyang sasakyan sa harap ng parking lot sa condominium ay agad ko siyang binalingan ng tingin. His eyes were still on the road as his hand was now resting on the steering wheel.

“Salamat,” I simply muttered to him.

It took him a while before he glanced on my way. He remains silent hanggang sa magpasiya na akong lumabas ng kaniyang sasakyan. I was unbuckling my seatbelt when I heard his doorway shut. At bago ko pa man mabuksan ang gilid ng aking pintuan ay naunahan na niya ako mula sa labas.

“Careful,” his large voice said as he held my elbow while I went out of his car.

“Thank you,”

He was staring at me like he’s reading my mind but I then looked away. I heard him sigh before he spoke.

“Take a good rest. Goodnight,”

He said in goodbye before we separate ways. I go up with the elevator habang siya naman ay hindi ko na nilingon pa nang makasakay siya ng kaniyang sasakyan.

Sinubukan kong ayusin ang aking postura at tindig nang makita ang sariling repleksyon sa salamin ng elevator. Namumugto ang mga mata at bagsak ang aking mga balikat. Kalaunan ay mabilis na dumapo ang aking paningin sa aking maliit na tiyan na halos hindi mo mapapansing may batang nasa sinapupunan ko.

Somehow I feel happy, I was shocked to know that I’m pregnant but I never feel ill about it. Nakakalungkot lang at nakakapanghina ng loob na ganito ang naging sitwasyon naming dalawa ni Rhaegar ngayon. Lalo pa na nalaman kong ganito pala ang aking sitwasyon.

Nadidismaya ako sa aking sarili dahil pakiramdam ko ay nagkulang ako. Nasasaktan ako dahil bakit kailangan pang maging si mommy ang naging babae niya.

My mom became part of his past. I didn’t know everything about it but how did he know her? Does she know my mom before I finally met her? Is he know who my real mom is from the very beginning? How is this all happened?

Those questions running and roaming around my head constantly. Kahit na nung nakahiga na ako sa aking kama ay hindi ko pa rin maiwasang mapaisip. Mabigat at masakit man sa aking dibdib ay pinilit kong huwag indahin ang sakit at lumuha. I have to avoid stress but in my situation, the stressors were a lot.

Naninikip pa rin hanggang ngayon ang aking dibdib habang ang impit kong pag-iyak ay wala nang lugar para awatin. Even how much I tried to stop myself from crying, whenever I just think of my mom and Rhaegar ay mas lalo lang bumibigat at umiinit ang aking mga luhang nakaabang sa pagbagsak.

It was very unusual, our situation was so unusual for me. Fate was just so harshly bitter to me that this kind of thing has to happen in my life.

I was drowned by my tears and soft growls of ached that night. At kahit na ano pang pilit kong gawin na matulog ay hindi ko magawa. Kahit na pagod na pagod na ang aking katawan at isipan ay hindi pa rin magawang magpahinga ng sugatan kong puso ko.

Hindi ko alam kung anong oras na akong nakatulog nang malapit ng sumikat ang araw. I only feel that my eyes were about to fall in doze is when the sun was about to rise. At nang magising rin ako at makaramdam ng panghihina ng katawan ay binalingan ko agad ang orasan na malapit sa aking side table.

It’s past two in the noon at wala pa akong kinakain na kahit ano simula kagabi. Nanlalata man ang katawan kong tumayo sa sobrang panghihina ay pinilit ko pa ring bumangon ng aking higaan. I need to take care of myself especially that I have to prioritize my health.

I cooked food in my kitchen and ate it later on. Nakatulala lang ako sa kawalan habang ang walang buhay kong mga mata ay bibihirang kumurap sa hangin. Parang kahit nong oras ay mawawalan ako ng ulirat at hindi maintindihan ang nararamdaman.

Nananakit ang mabigat kong dibdib. Sumasakit aking ulo at nanlalabo ang aking paningin. Namumugto ang mga mata at walang kahit na ano pang nagagawa dahil sa sobrang kawalan ng lakas. I feel drained in so much exhaustion. It was all because of my painful heart. I am in an ache that I can feel my body getting burried deeply. I can’t get back and cannot stand up myself from getting submerged from these deep sorrows.

And when I heard a ring from my doorway in the living area ay hindi ko pa alam kung paano akong tatayo. I’m still in the kitchen at kakatapos lang din sa pagkain. Mabigat ang mga paa kong naglakad at tinungo ang salas. I wanted to think that whoever it is behind my door is Rhaegar. Gusto kong isipin na sana ay siya nga iyan at gusto na niya akong makita at makausap.

But then, the moment I opened the door, my eyes immediately locked on my mom’s softened stares on me. I saw how she drew a very weak smile for me. I ignore that and almost arched my brow at her. I felt my lips pursed and eyes narrowed on her for a while. I immediately felt my sudden change of mood. I get so much annoyed seeing her here standing in front of me.

Nag-init bigla ang temperatura ng aking dugo at nayayamot ang aking mga matang tumitig sa kaniya. Naramdaman kong may kumirot sa aking dibdib nang maisip na siya pa rin ang aking ina. Mas lalo lang akong nasaktan nang maisip din na sila ni Rhaegar.

“Eleftheria…gusto sana kitang makausap anak.” Her voice is weary as her eyes in worried of pain.

I looked away. I didn’t want her to say anything to me. I only need Rhaegar’s statement about anything that is happening pero nangibabaw sa loob ko ang pait at pagkabahala na bakit hindi ko muna siya pakinggan.

I didn’t say any word and just opened my doorway for her widely. Saglit ko pang naramdaman ang malamyos niyang mga titig sa akin bago siya tuluyang pumasok sa loob.

Pagkasaradong pagkasarado ko palang ng pintuan ay hindi ko na agad maiwasang makaramdam ng pait at kirot sa aking dibdib. I cannot believe that my mom comes here for us to talk about Rhaegar and not just because she will be going to visit me. Akala ko ay magiging maayos na ang lahat sa pamilya ko pero hindi ko inasahang magiging ganito naman ang kahahantungan namin ni mommy.

I’ve been longing for her since I was a little and now that she’s back when I can already take care of myself, ay sa ganitong pagkakataon pa kami mismo ay magkakasiraan.

“I didn’t know that Kaywin is your boyfriend. Anak, I am sorry about what happened last night.” She started when we got neared at the sofas.

I greeted my teeth. The way she said Rhaegar’s second name the bitterness never fails to drip on me. It was just her voice was too subtle and heartwarmingly alluring.

“We have been for a very long time ago and I just get back-” Now I decided to cutted her off.

“Now that you’re back you are taking him away from me. Why mom? Were you away just for him to chase you? How you become part of his life? Why you became the reason for us to turn out this way?” My voice was sharp like I was asking her confronting question that I need an immediate response.

My eyes were narrowed on her as I saw how her brows frowned on me. Her lips parted in a half for the words to explain.

“Anak, I met Rhaegar back then. He was the guy who saves my life. I get a job because of him. I was in despair and lost in everything because I don’t have you…and I lost your dad. I was so desperate to kill myself but he came. I trusted him, I-”

“Mom?! Cannot you hear yourself? Rhaegar is younger than you-”

“He wasn’t Eleftheria. I’m just years older than him-”

“That’s it! You are still old for him. He was young back then. You have a daughter and a man of your life before. But still, you managed to get inflicted by this sick love you said that only supposed to my Dad? I cannot believe you.” I was now panting after I said those words.

Mabilis ang pintig ng aking dibdib habang ang aking mga mata ay mariin na nakatingin sa kaniya. She looked young, I give her to that. Her age must be not that old compare to Rhaegar but still, she’s more older than him. She had her life. She has a perspicacious mind compare to him because she had undergone the dilemmas of life.

“About what I said that I only love your Dad, it was real, Ria. I never lie about it.” Her voice became vicious now.

Mas lalo lang rumiin ang mga tingin ko sa kaniya. Is this another lie again? I shook my head as I hardly swallowed.

“If you’re saying that it was the truth, then answer me… Naging magkarelasyon ba kayo ni Rhaegar noon, mom? Tell me the truth.”

Nakita kong mamilog ang kaniyang mga matang nakatitig sa akin. Natigilan siya at saka kalaunan ay nag-iwas sa akin ng tingin. I saw how her chest waived.

Mabilis na rin ang aking naging paghinga. Ang puso ko ay gusto ng kumawala sa sobrang lakas ng pagkabog nito na makita si Mom na nahihirapang sagutin ang aking tanong.

I felt my heart sting. It was dwelling in pain till she lifts her eyes back at me again. Her eyes were in agony of misery as it bore on me.

“Yes, we became related. We had been in a relationship.”

Kusang umawang ang aking mga labi at naiwang nag-iinit ang aking mga mata na hindi makapaniwalang nakatingin sa kaniya. Sa sobrang lakas ng pintig ng puso ko ay wala na akong ibang marinig kundi tanging iyon lang. Nakakabingi at masakit sa mabigat kong dibdib na nag-umpisa ng mahirapan sa paghinga.

So they really be in a relationship before and she’s the woman that Rhaegar can’t just get over with. I can’t believe it. All this time I thought she was living in pain because of all that happened that my family brought to her.

“Anong nangyari sa sinabi niyong si Dad lang ang minahal mo?” My voice weakened but the conviction became visible.

Nanlalambot ang mga mata niyang nakatitig sa akin. I can see the sadness and pain drew together on it all. But what I’m having is completely different compare to her. I’m the one who feels and gets betrayed. It was my mom that my boyfriends cannot get over with. Who would even think that kind of eccentric thought?

“Maybe you really don’t love my Dad. I can’t believe that you let Rhaegar intervene in your heart even in the first place you were already settled with someone. I feel low to you. I feel disgusted with you. Maybe the rumor and those ridicule on me when I was a little and up until now were all right. Baka tama nga na isa ka lang na babaeng mababa ang kayang maabot ang lipad ng mga pakpak. That you just acted like you were disgusted when Dad assaulted you even the truth you liked it. You’re liking and enjoying every bit of it-”

Then the loud and very brittle slap on my cheeks makes me feel numb in the meantime. Ang paningin ko ay dumapo sa sahig habang nakatagilid ang aking mukha dahil sa malakas na sampal niya sa akin.

Napahawak ako sa aking pisngi at namimilog ang mga mata kong binalingan siya ng tingin. Nag-init at nanlalabo ang aking paningin dahil sa mga luhang nagbabadya sa kanilang pagtulo mula sa aking mata.

I felt my lips trembled as my breathing became heavy as I gaze at her in disbelief.

Ang kaniyang mga mata ay mariin at matalim na nakatingin sa akin ngayon. Ibang iba sa malamyos at malambot nitong mga tingin sa akin kanina. Her lips were also shivered by the rage she was started to feel. She looked fume while I looked stunned.

“You’re not in my shoes in those nightmares I get suffered to it. You don’t know what I have been through kaya wala kang karapatan sa aking sabihin iyan. You don’t know how it feels to be assaulted. It’s more than ill than how your narrowed mind is simply thinking. Hindi mo alam kung anong naging epekto niyon hindi lang sa katawan ko kundi sa buong pagkatao ko. I get inflicted not just in physical but also my mental health got tainted. It’s not that simple that you can just say it right away, Eleftheria. Many people attempt to kill themselves because of the feeling of being obscene. So you should never dare to tell me this again.” She fired with her eyes darted and lined in pain.

I’m torn as well. It was just my adrenaline rush that makes me want to say it. But then part of me feels guilty about it.

I removed my hand on my face and equal her glares on me. I narrowed mine as well to her. I took a step as my lone tear completely fled in my cheek. I didn’t wipe it away and I just let that flowed.

I saw her face stunned and the piercing gazes she was giving me earlier gone. Nakita ko ang takot sa mga mata niya habang naglalakad ako palapit sa kaniya. I halted when our distance was just inches away from each other. Nanginginig ang mga labi niyang nakaawang at ang kamay niyang aamba sa paghawak sa aking mukha. Ani mong ngayon lang natauhan sa kaniyang ginawa sa akin.

“I said don’t you ever touch me again… I may not know what you feel in those years you suffered but I wanted you to know that you also knew nothing about me. W-Wala ka nung mga panahong nahihirapan at nasasaktan ako. Wala ka nung mga panahong namomroblema ako. Wala iyong presensya mo sa halos buong buhay ko at ngayong bumalik ka, inakala ko na magiging maayos ang lahat.” I breathed heavily as my hot tears flowed abruptly.

“Because I thought I will finally have the love of my mother. That I will finally embrace the comfort of having a mother. But I never expect that you’re kind of a mom that I would never wish to come back. Because when you are away, I get hurt and lived in pain but it’s never this excruciating. Hindi ganito kasakit at kalala.” Pigil ko ang hininga at ang impit kong paghikbi habang sinasabi ang mga ito sa kaniya.

“Kaya sana… h-hindi ka nalang bumalik. Sana hindi mo nalang ako hinanap at hinayaan mo nalang akong mamuhay sa kasinungalingan. I wish you were gone! I wish you leave and never come back! Kasi dahil sa’yo kaya naging ganito kakumplikado at kahirap ang lahat para sa akin… I-It’s all because of you…” Nanghihina ang aking mga balikat na walang tigil sa pagyanig na sinasabayan ng mabibigat kong paghikbi.

My mom’s eyes were stunned as her lips left in a fraction. I can see how her eyes poured a tear with her unbreathable paused waives of breathing.

Napaatras siya at napakapit sa likuran ng sofa na ani mong nahihirapan at sobrang nasaktan sa mga sinabi ko. My face was full of tears as hers started to be filled by the unstoppable sheds.

Mapait ko siyang tiningnan ng ilang sandali bago ko tuluyang pinunasan ang aking magkabilang pisngi para tuyuin ang aking mga luha. Kalaunan ay tinungo ng aking mga yapak ang gawi ng pintuan ng aking unit. Mabigat at labag man sa kalooban kong gawin ito ay wala akong ibang alam na paraan para maibsan man lang ng kahit papaano ang sakit at bigat na dumadagan sa aking dibdib.

I then looked at my mom who tightly holding the backrest of the sofa, eyes in tears and lips trembling. She looked like any time she will stumble. She seems to be so stunned and strained by our painful sacks of accrued pain in the past.

“You can go now. Leave my place… I don’t want to see you again. I don’t want to see anymore.” I then said not showing how hard it was for me.

“Anak pakiusap… I’m sorry, I’m really sorry-”

“I said get out! I don’t need my mom. Lumaki akong mag-isa ng wala ka. I never needed a mother.”

She falls onto her knees in so much heartbreak which made me tear inside. I want to attend to her but my heart can’t endure the pain of seeing her here now. Her presence makes me in pain already.

“I-If it’s all about Rhaegar if your anger towards me is because of him, anak wala na kami. And to tell you the truth, I never loved him. I never love Rhaegar. Ang ama mo lang ang tangi kong minahal. I just trapped with Rhaegar’s relationship with me it’s because I get overwhelmed by him. I get overwhelmed that he helped me moved forward lalo na nung mawala ka sa akin anak.”

Hindi ko siya pinakinggan. Because my heart ached more the further she spoke. Nahihirapan ako at mas lalo lang bumibigat ang nararamdaman ko.

I shook my head at her. She looked at me with her eyes pleading then walked towards my way as she tried to reach out from my hand. Pero lumayo ako. Umiwas ako at tanging mariin ko lang siyang tiningnan.

“Umalis ka na. Umalis ka na at iwanan mo na ako gaya ng ginawa mo sa akin nung sanggol pa lamang ako. But the only difference this time is you have my word. You can now leave and never come back.”

Nagbaba ang mga mata niyang punong puno ng luha habang nakahawak siya sa gilid ng pintuan. I swallowed hard and immediately rubbed away the tears that slipping out of my sight.

Then, later on, my mom went out of the doorway as I immediately shut it. Mabigat at sobrang pinipiga ang puso kong makitang nasasaktan si Mommy. I know that I’m being too much but I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m started to lose everything when she came in. And now, Rhaegar… I’m started to get lose him.

Ilang oras akong nanatili sa aking kwarto at hindi alam ang mga dapat na gawin dahil sa sakit na nararamdaman. I may be hurt but I shouldn’t think this irrationally. But every time I face the problem, I started to get lost in everything I’m trying to get back.

My mom, I only see her as the reason if why is this all happening. At kahit saang anggulo ko tingnan ay siya lang ang tangi kong nakikitang mali. From the reason why our family turned this way, I put her the blame. And now that Rhaegar is slipping away from me, she’s absolutely the one I will accuse of it.

Kung hindi na siya bumalik ay sa tingin ko ay hindi na magiging ganito kakumplikado ang lahat. Everything that Rhaegar and I tried to build up, turn into ashes when she showed up. Everything popped out and the bubbles pricked out the moment she came in.

I hardly swallowed and dried my cheeks. Gustohin ko mang makasama siya ay mukhang hindi na iyon mangyayari. Dahil sa kaniya ang lahat ay nasisira at nagugulo. Dahil sa kaniya lahat ng natitirang taong mayroon ako ay nawawala. And I can’t risk being with her in exchange to lose all the people that matter to me before her.

Nang marinig ko ang cellphone kong tumunog sa aking higaan ay pagod ko iyong kinuha. I was lying on my bed insentient. Ngunit nang makitang si Rhaegar iyong tumatawag ay halos mabuhay muli ang walang buhay ko ng katawan.

Mabilis ang naging pintig ng aking puso nang sagutin ko iyon. Tumatambol sa aking pandinig na halos bingihin ako sa tindi ng lakas ng pagkabog ng aking dibdib. Then I felt my eyes immediately heated when I think that he calls me after so many days of not contacting me.

Tahimik ang kabilang linya at ganon din ako. I didn’t speak. Pero nang hindi siya magsalita at nang hindi na ako mapakali ay inunahan ko na siya.

“R-Rhaegar?” I stutteringly uttered.

Ilang sandaling katahimikan pa muna ang namutawi sa pagitan naming dalawa bago siya tuluyang nagsalita.

“Let’s meet up, Aiden. Mag-usap tayo.” His usual humid deep husky voice over the phone sent me shivers.

Napakagat ako sa aking labi nang mahimigan ang kakaibang lamig sa boses niya. It seems like he wants us to talk, to make this all settled. To make things in between us put to its end.

Natatakot ako. Gusto kong umayaw at tanggihan siya ngunit may nagsasabi sa akin na ito na ang magiging huli ko. Na dapat ay hindi ko na dapat sayangin at pakawalan pa ang pagkakataong ibinibigay sa akin ng tadhana.

“Where?” I then asked him in a very deep voice as I stopped my wails to eat my tone.

I heard him let a short heave sigh before he spoke.

“Meet me at the place where I once saved your life. In the middle of it. To where everything started.”

Kabanata 45

Kabanata 45

Loosing The Grip

Tahimik at tanging ang madilim na kalangitan ang sumasakop sa aking paningin. Mabilis ang bugso ng aking damdamin at pakiramdam ko ay anumang oras ang lahat ay mawawala sa akin. Na anumang oras ang lahat ng natitirang mayroon ako ay tuluyang tatalikuran ako.

It’s between my love and heartache that I’m trying to work out. It is between the two that I keep on moving even the pain won’t leave this wounded heart. It is where I used to bear but then when my bucket of pain gets full, I don’t think I have been able to do this for long.

I feel weak… I feel the burden, but that emotion won’t make me fall on letting someone lose from my tight grip.

Somehow, in the long run of this painful bridge made my footsteps heavier each time I took. I walk, then halt from the stopping heave of my sting chest. My eyes heated even the cold breeze making me wrapped myself from the chills it was giving me.

Tahimik ang mahabang tulay at tanging mga bukas na ilaw lang ng lamppost ang nakabuhay at nagbibigay tanglaw sa daan. Walang dumaraang sasakyan at tanging lagaslas lang ng hangin ang lumilikha ng tunog sa aking pandinig.

Marahan akong naglalakad patungo sa direksyon ng taong alam kong nagparamdam sa akin kung paanong ang pag-ibig ay walang halagang katumbas. It was eternal and a priceless feeling that you would always feel, not may just in one person but either in anybody else.

My heart began to throb on its race. Tanaw ko si Rhaegar na nakasandig sa harapan ng kaniyang sasakyan. His hands were on the pocket of his grey huge hoodie jacket that I once wear before. That I saw him once wear before the night he saves me here at this lonely long dark bridge.

His menacing serious dark glares were glinted narrowed on me. Ramdam ko iyon kahit na hindi pa ako lubusang nakakalapit sa gawi niya. Ilang hakbang pa ang ginawa ko bago ako tuluyang makatayo sa harapan niya. There’s a huge distance between us that his glares were already suppressing.

He shifted from his lean to proudly stood up in front of me. He’s wearing the same hoodie the night he saves me. He wasn’t wearing the very casual corporate attire that made him look more different in my eyes.

Pero ang mas lalong nagpanibago sa akin ay ang paraan ng pagtingin niya sa akin. The subtleness and the passionate soft glares he was used to gave me before are now gone. It fades with the sudden circumstances that came into my life unexpectedly.

Mabigat na kumurap ang talukap ng aking mga mata at nagbaba ng tingin sa baba. Hinihintay siyang magsalita. And when I heard him gasped, I lifted my glance at him.

My lips pursed but my mind can’t just let the silence filled us if we can now settle and fixed everything we are struggling with together.

“Rhaegar…I want us to fix everything that happened to us these past few days. I-I know it was all too much but I still want us to be. I still want us to try and work it out together like what you always say to me-”

“We cannot be, Aiden.” He cutted me abruptly with his deep large voice.

Napakurap kurap ang mabigat kong mga talukap at pinagmasdan siya, gulat at hindi makapaniwala. My mouth dropped but when he took a step near me, my heart began to beat rapidly.

His dark serious glares directed on me. Ramdam ko ang panlalamig don at ibang iba sa malamyos niyang mga tingin na ibinibigay niya sa akin noon.

“B-Bakit naman hindi? Sabi mo, we should try, and that’s what I did why we become this way. I let myself flow and discover what we have to find out now.” My lips started to shiver when my sight caught his lifeless gazes on me.

“Aiden, I’m sorry-”

“Why are you so sorry Rhaegar?!” My voice raised that I didn’t stop myself from asking him hysterically.

Naguguluhan ako kung bakit niya ako pinapahirapan ng ganito. He’s sorry because of what? Because of my mom? Because his woman was my mother, is that it?

Nakita kong gumalaw ang kaniyang panga at mag-iwas ang malalim at madilim nitong mga mata sa akin. Dumapo iyon sa kabilang dako habang ang mga mata ko ay hindi magawang ialis sa kaniya ang titig.

“Rhaegar naguguluhan ako. Ayos naman tayo nung mga nakaraan. But when I leave your unit that day and lied that I will be visiting my Dad, you turned out to be this way. You turned out to be this cold and very humid to me.bMay mali ba akong nagawa? Sabihin mo sa akin Rhaegar-”

“Wala-”

“Then why you are acting this way? Why are you saying that your love for me wasn’t certain? Tell me that you are just lying. Alam kong hindi totoo ’yon Rhaegar.”

Ang boses ko ay nag-umpisa ng manghina. Ang mga mata niyang nasa ibaba ay nag-angat sa akin ng tingin. Naramdaman kong manlambot at manginig ang aking mga tuhod sa lamig at dilim ng mga mata niyang nakatitig sa akin ngayon.

It was cold and very hostile that sents shiver down my spine. It gives me chills as his gazes screaming of unlonging love for me. It was plain and just pure blank of space. Nothing special…you can see nothing to it anymore. No subtleness and no passion nor even desires.

I then felt my eyes heated.

“We should stop this, Aiden. Masasaktan ka lang. Masasaktan lang kita.”

His words were already stabbing me. Napaawang ang aking mga labi at ang mga mata ko ay nag-umpisa ng manlabo sa hapding nararamdaman.

I shook my head to him profusely as my chest pounding loudly.

“N-No, it’s normal that I get hurt, Rhaegar. It’s part of the process. P-Please don’t say this.”

His eyes became darker this time as he narrowed them on me.

“It will never be a process anymore, Aiden. To get hurt consecutively because of the same reason wasn’t a process. It’s being part of your life and I wanted to end it… You shouldn’t see it as part of you Aiden-”

“Then what Rhaegar? Should I be in bliss dahil sinasabi mo sa akin ang mga ’to? I am in torn Rhaegar. I’m in pain hearing you saying all of this. I can’t believe you!” My voice cracked as the hot streaming tears started to escape on my bottom lids.

Nagtatagis ang kaniyang bagang at ang mga mata ay nangungusap. His lips twitch and parted later on.

“Let’s end this.”

His three words cutted and left my heart in a half. My eyes widened and my lips dramatically parted as my eyes sting in tears.

“H-Hindi Rhaegar… P-Please no… take it back. A-Ayoko, h-hindi ko kaya.” My face immediately filled with tears as I walked near him. Trying to reach him.

Mabilis ko siyang niyakap at hindi pinakawalan kahit na walang braso niya ang sumusukli sa akin pabalik. He just remains stoic and didn’t move.

I burried my face on his chest as my sobs were hurting me more. My breathe heave and I can’t take what he just said.

Sobra akong nasasaktan sa mga oras na ito. Dahil ang marinig mula sa kaniya ang mga salitang tapusin na namin ito ay hindi ko lubusang matanggap. Pakiramdam ko ay ang mabigat na batong nakadagan sa akin nitong mga nakaraang araw ay tuluyan na akong inipit at dinurog. Ang sakit at bigat na idinudulot niyon sa aking dibdib ay wala ng halos kapantay. It was extensive that I cannot endure it anymore.

I tightly held his clothes at the back, not letting him go…and will never gonna let him do this to me.

“I-If this is because of my mom, I will forgive you Rhaegar… Just tell me everything. Tatanggapin ko ’yon huwag mo lang gawin to…h-huwag mo lang akong iwanan.” My voice is beneath of its cracked, quivering lips and trembling knees. It wasn’t breathy but the pain dripping all on it.

“It’s not just because of your mom, Aiden. It’s only for myself and for your sake.”

Kalaunan ay naramdaman ko ang dalawang kamay niyang nakahawak na ngayon sa magkabilang balikat ko. It wasn’t there for a hug but it was there to slowly pushed me away from embracing him tightly.

“I never love you-” his deep husky voice said that I immediately cutted off.

“I don’t believe you! N-Naramdaman ko Rhaegar. I feel how your love was so pure when it comes to me. Kaya huwag mo sa aking sabihin na hindi mo ako minahal! Kasi alam ko…naramdaman ko!” I then wailed as he completely removed my arms onto the grip of his body.

Ramdam ko ang mainit kong pagluha na walang tigil sa pagbuhos ngayon sa aking pisngi. Nakakapanghina at tanging kawalan ng pag-asa lang ang tangi kong nararamdaman sa mga oras na ito.

He eyed me darkly. His brows weren’t on furrowed but it meets halfway in so much weary. His eyes are bloodshot as his jaw clenching.

We are now inches away from each other but the wild waives of my chest never stop. It raced inside its cage like it gets sick and hurt so much by Rhaegar’s remarked.

“I… never really loved you Aiden.” Mas mariin at diretsa niyang sinabi sa akin sa pagkakataong ito.

Luhaan naman akong umiling iling sa kaniya, hindi tinatanggap at pinapaniwalaan ang mga sinasabi niya.

“Y-You don’t have to lie on me Rhaegar-”

“I’m not lying Aiden! I said I fucking never love you! Do you hear me? I will say it more than thrice just for you to get it. I…never…love…you. Sana naman naintidihan mo.”

His voice was sharp, making me broke in a half and fell into million pieces. He emphasizes every word that I can never believe and take but it strikes me so hard and deep this time. I feel how deep and painful his words was for me. Na hindi ko na nagawa pang makita at maisip ang mga susunod na mga mangyayari.

Mabilis na bumagsak ang aking dalawang balikat. Ang binti ko ay nanginginig na umatras palayo sa kaniya habang ang aking mga daliri ay nangangatal dahil sa mga salita niyang sinasaksak ako.

My lips trembled as it parted in disbelief. My heart sank. Drowned and cannot get back the air to breathe.

“R-Rhaegar…” Pigil ko ang aking hininga at ang mga mata’y nanlalabo na sa naipong mga luhang nakaamba sa pagbuhos.

He frowned and eyes didn’t leave my way.

“I never love you Aiden. It was your mother who I only loved from the very beginning. I was lost because she left me. And when you came into my life, you just messed up my mind. I thought I loved you, but then when she came back, I lost the feeling I was thinking I am having for you. It was all uncertain. Nagkamali lang ako, Aiden. I wasn’t in love with you. Because what I can only see is your mom. My eyes were only sighted your mom’s image in you.” May diin ang kaniyang malalim na boses at ang mga mata ay hindi nag-iwas sa akin ng tingin nang sabihin niya iyon.

Wala ng paglagyan pa ng kirot at sakit itong dibdib ko. Sobra na yung bigat at katotohanang pait na hindi naman pala niya talaga ako minahal. It was only my mom. He only says that he loves me because he’s seeing my mom in me.

My tears were unstoppable as my wailed sobs became painful. I feel like I’m being tormented to something I never intend to do. Because the misery I am having right now was unbearable. It’s an inevitable and excruciating sick of love that making me fall on my knees.

“So please, Aiden…let’s end this. Masasaktan ka lang-”

“A-Ayaw ko Rhaegar. P-Pakiusap, alam kong ginagawa mo lang ’to para masaktan ako. P-Please don’t do this. I-I promised you before that whatever happens t-this time I won’t leave you… I won’t let you get lost from my hold.” I said stutteringly in between my heavy sobs.

But my heart sank more when he shook his head off on me. Frowned in a very dismissive one.

“Aiden Tama na. Maawa ka naman sa sarili mo. You’ve been hurt so much. Cannot you let yourself rest this time? Let’s have and make our own lives on different paths. Not crossing nor intercepting each other’s way.” He muttered with no inhibitions.

Pinunasan ko ang mukha kong basang basa na ng mga luha. Hinarap ko siya at pagod ang mga mata kong tinitigan siya pabalik.

“Are you saying all of this because you wanted to be with my mom, Rhaegar? Nagagawa mo akong saktan para lang sa taong alam mong iniwan ka noon. I’m your present Rhaegar! Ako ’yong nandito tapos ngayon na bumalik siya ay ibabasura mo nalang ako?! Gano’n ba, Rhaegar? Is that how heartless you are? Is that how selfish you can be? H-How can you stomach saying your I love you’s to me in the first place when all you can see in me was my mom?!” I screamed in so much frustration as my tears profusely flowing.

My chest heave while I began to have trouble with how I will breathe back to normal. Habol ko ang aking hininga sa gitna ng matinding pagtangis. Nangangatog ang mga tuhod at binti habang ang aking nakawaang na labi ay nanginginig sa paghikbi.

I saw how he looked stunned by my sudden rise of voice. His glares darken more and deep piercing to me now.

I gasped hard to get the air I lost for the next excruciating utter I will about to probe.

“Tell me Rhaegar, sa mga gabing inangkin mo ako…is it my mom you were thinking? Is it my mom you imagined you are fucking in your bed?! Is it her, Rhaegar? Tell me!” Then my tremble knees wobbled more as my eyes heated more.

His bloodshot eyes then gravely pierced on me. Nakita ko kung paanong bumakas ang pait at sakit sa kaniyang mga mata na mas lalong nagpahirap sa mabigat at masakit kong nararamdaman. He parted his mouth like he was also having a hard time to breathe.

Nilapitan ko siya at mas diniinan ang aking mga titig sa kaniyang mga mata, sa kabila ng pagdaloy ng aking mainit na mga luha. Pilit kong pinapalakas ang mga tuhod kong ilang segundo nalang ay bibigay na sa pagbagsak.

“Sabihin mo sa’kin, Rhaegar-”

“Yes,”

And that single word made me fall my trembled knees on the ground. Ang kaninang impit kong paghikbi ay napalitan ng mas masakit at pigil na paghinga. Ang mga luhang kaninang walang humpay sa pagdaloy ay ngayo’y nag-iipon muli sa pagbabadya ng mas malakas at mas marami pang luhang ibubuhos.

“I once said that I will try my very best to keep you in bliss. But now that I can’t do it anymore, we should separate ways. I maybe once also say this to you, that whatever happens, you should never let to lose the grip on me. But you can now, you should totally loose the grip, Aiden. Dahil ako na mismo ang gustong kumawala. I wanted you to let me find what I really loved even it will tear you apart.” He deeply said before he turned his bloodshot eyes away from me.

Tiningala ko siya, basa at nalulunod ang pisngi ko sa mga luha ng sakit na idinudulot niya sa akin ngayon.

“A-And if I let you lose away from me Rhaegar… babalikan mo ba siya? Will you go and chase her back? Would you really choose my mom over me? Gano’n nalang ba ’yon? Ganito nalang ba tayo? H-Hanggang dito nalang ba talaga tayo Rhaegar?” I asked him with my unknown cracked voice.

Halos hindi ko makilala ang boses ko nang sabihin ko iyon. My lips trembling and my shoulders drooping as I strengthen myself to just stare at his grimly glares at me for the last time.

“She’s leaving…so I definitely do what you said.”

The breakdown he is giving me was too drastic. It’s too much that I cannot seize to understand how he can say it to me. He’s different. He’s not the Rhaegar I loved. He’s the stranger man that I didn’t recognize before. From his sudden change of mood back then. For his sudden anger. It was him, the person I never get to know who it was.

Tinalikuran niya ako, iniwang nakabagsak at luhaang pinagmamasdan siyang sumakay papasok ng kaniyang sasakyan. Walang humpay ang mapait at sumisikdong sakit sa aking dibdib na makita siya ngayong iiwan na ako.

Na parang kagaya lang din ng dati. Na parang kagaya lang din ng mga nakaraan kong nakarelasyon. Leaving me behind, pained and tormented by the love I was only seeking.

“Rhaegar!” I shouted as my breath panting.

He paused near the door of his car. Hindi niya ako nilingon pero alam kong hinihintay lang niya kung may sasabihin pa ako.

“H-Huwag mo namang gawin ito. If you leave me now… you have nothing to go back. I-I’m giving you an option, go back to me and let’s compromise about this situation. Ayusin natin ’to Rhaegar. Please…stay.”

“I alread made my choice-”

“And that choice wasn’t me? Is that it Rhaegar? Let me say to you what your possible option. A-Ako ba…o ’yung babae mo? Is it me or my mom, Rhaegar?”

Simula pa lang ay alam ko na kung gaanong kasakit ang kaniyang magiging sagot. But I still want to hear it from him. If this means will hurt me then be it, para isang sakit nalang. I’m giving him an option and a choice that he’s the one who will be choosing. It’s not only for the sake of our relationship but also for the sake of our baby.

Pero hindi niya ako hinarap, nananatiling nakatalikod sa akin.

“Aiden tama na! Do you really like hurting yourself-”

“Oo Rhaegar! Ang sakit sakit na pero ano bang magagawa ko? Wala akong ibang kayang gawin kundi ang masaktan at patuloy na masaktan. Kaya sabihin mo sa’kin, choose Rhaegar. Is it me or my mom?”

“You know my answer to your question, Aiden. Stop making it hard to yourself.”

“I said tell me!” Napahagulgol na ako sa sakit habang tinatanaw siyang nananatiling nakatalikod sa akin.

“It will never be you, Aiden.” He grimly said before he took another step and open the door of his car.

“K-Kapag umalis ka Rhaegar, tandaan mong wala ka ng babalikan pa. Think of it please…choose me this time.”

“I’m sorry, but I will never going back.” He then said before he went inside, at saka padarag na isinarado ang pintuan ng kaniyang sasakyan.

Ang talim at riin ng kaniyang madilim na mga mata kanina bago siya tuluyang pumasok ay parang punyal na tumutusok sa akin. And his sharp words, were tearing me apart. It was so harsh and tough that break me in an instant.

I bit my lower lip harshly as the light from his car struck me the moment he started the engine. I looked down, eyes full of tears, lips trembling, and chest hitching in so much heave. I tried to stand up but my knees were so weak that I get only fall on the ground back again.

“Rhaegar p-please! Huwag mo ’kong iwan! R-Rhaegar…” I cried out in between my twitching wails as he started to maneuver his car.

Pinilit kong tumayo at sundan ang sasakyan niyang palagpas pa lang sa akin. And when I completely stood from my fall I hurriedly run towards the door of his car. I knocked the window of the driver’s seat where I know he was.

I was in drowning tears of my eyes as my howls weren’t that soft anymore. Humahagulgol kong kinakatok ang bintana niya habang nag-uumpisa na itong bumilis sa pag-andar.

“Rhaegar m-mahal na mahal kita! Please, don’t do this to us! Buksan mo ’to, huwag mo ’kong iwan. R-Rhaegar… Rhaegar!”

I cried out at the top of my lungs when his car fastens and I can’t do anything to stop him from leaving me. Sapo ko ang aking bibig habang ang isa kong kamay ay nakahawak sa nanghihina kong mga tuhod. Ang mainit kong mga luha ay walang humpay sa pagmamalisbis habang tinatanaw ang sasakyan niyang unti unting maglaho sa aking paningin.

“Rhaegar!” I screamed so loud in the middle of this silent bridge that no one could even hear me.

Nangangatog ang mga binti at nanginginig ang aking labi habang ang mabigat kong dibdib ay walang humpay sa paglikha ng maalong sakit. Walang paglagyan at pagbalingan ang sobrang sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayon.

Rhaegar leaves me. He left me in the place where I found hope. He leaves me to the place where I started to get scared of losing myself. He saved me here but now ends up leaving me here alone. Under the dark sky with the deafening silence that only my heavy sobs are making noise.

I hold on to the side of the bridge. I put there my weaknesses as I tried to stand still even I can feel that anytime I was about to stumble and fall. Hinawakan ko ang aking tiyan habang ang mga luha ko’y walang humpay sa pagdaloy.

I caressed my stomach as I tried to calm myself.

“I-I’m sorry anak. Hindi ko nagawang mapigilan ang Daddy mo. Mommy tried her best but it turns out that my best wasn’t enough for Rhaegar. It’s gonna be only us baby. Y-Your dad is not here anymore to take care of us. I love you anak. I promise to love you and choose you no matter what. Mommy will give you not just the world but also the universe. You’re the only one I have now. Hindi kita iiwan anak ko…”

I wiped away the tears on my cheeks as I hugged my stomach. The cold wind made me shivered but the warmth of my hot tears rush into my cold damp face. I feel my heart dwell in so much pain that I didn’t know what should I feel. Because the agony I am feeling was out of its bound.

I want to be drowned by this pain because of my wounded heart. But my mind says that I should endure and cope up with it as much as I can. Because it’s my baby that I should be worried about now. Ito dapat ang mas pagtuonan ko ng pansin.

Pero kahit anong baling ng isipan ko ay nanghihina at nauubos ang lakas ko sa tuwing sasagi sa aking isipan na iniwan na ako ng taong mahal ko. Na iniwan na ako ng taong nagparamdam at pinaranas sa akin kung paanong pahalagahan.

I still can feel and remember how his kisses make my lips tingle. But now my parted lips are left in tremble from crying as he leaves me here in the middle of the night.

Kumikirot ang dibdib ko at naramdaman kong manlabong muli ang aking paningin. But when I felt the excruciating pain in my abdomen, my mouth dropped open in so much worry. Napayakap ako sa aking tiyan at mabilis na nakaramdam ng matinding kaba at takot.

“B-Baby…” I muttered stutteringly when I feel the pain and saw the dripping blood on my legs.

My lips trembled as I saw it. I cannot take a deep breath without feeling the stabbing pain. My heart began to beat rapidly while my hands trembling as I touch the warm liquid that is now dripping from my thighs profusely.

Then my knees wobbled as my eyes left in a fraction. It was blood. The blood is dripping on me.

“N-No, my baby… A-Anak…”

Then my eyes started to gain more sweat of pain as I think of losing my baby.

No, I cannot. This is the thing I would never afford to lose.

At nang makita kong may paparating na sasakyan na mabilis na huminto sa aking tapat ay nanginginig ang mga labi kong sinubukang humingi ng saklolo.

“T-Tulong…” My voice trembles in so much fright that I may lose my baby.

“Ria? It’s her, fuck!” Dinig ko ang pamilyar na boses ng isang lalaki.

At nang tuluyang bumukas a pintuan ng sasakyan ay nakita ko si Zion at Theron na may nag-aalalang mga tingin sa akin. But when their eyes bore on my legs and to my hands that are now having a stain of blood ay nakita ko kung paanong mamilog ang kanilang mga mata takot.

“Z-Zion… Theron, yung baby ko-” bago ko pa man tuluyang matapos ang aking sasabihin ay mabilis na akong binuhat ni Zion papasok ng sasakyan.

“Theron bilisan mo, sa Hospital tayo.” It was Zion who commands.

Mabilis ang pintig ng puso ko at ang mga luha ko ngayon ay namamalisbis na sa aking pisngi habang sapo sapo ko ang aking sinapupunan.

“Baby please…huwag mong iiwan si mommy. Kumapit ka lang, anak ko.” I said to my baby as I cried inside the moving car.

Naging mabilis ang mga pangyayari na halos hindi ko na napansin ang lahat. I was crying and hyperventilating as I tried to calm myself. I was scared. I was so afraid of losing my baby.

Kung ang akala ko kanina ay ang pag-iwan sa akin ni Rhaegar ang pinaka masakit kong naramdaman. But now that I’m experiencing this, the pain was incomparable. It is the scariest and painful feeling above all losing a child that you haven’t even held his or her soft little fingers. Nakakatakot at sobrang nakakapanghina sa pakiramdam.

“Nurse, pakitawagan si Doc.”

“Ano pong nangyari?”

“She’s bleeding. We don’t know what happen but please have checked her immediately.”

Umiikot at nanlalabo ang aking paningin nang madala ako sa Hospital. The nurses were assisting me as I saw the doctor approaching my way. I was on the stretcher, lying without any consciousness. And the last thing I remember was that I’m hugging myself…my baby.

I already lost his father, so please, I can’t bear if I will lose him either. My baby is what I’m now only holding on to this life. I want to be better and be the best for my baby. And if losing him as well, hindi ko na lang alam kung saan pa ako kukuha ng lakas para magpatuloy.

The baby inside my womb was the only direction that God sent to me after all these dilemmas I’m having. It was his signage towards the path I’m started to get lost with, that I should take and follow without any inhibitions. Kaya hindi ko hahayaang maligaw ako dahil alam kong hindi na ako mag-iisa sa daang tatahakin ko ngayon. I will not gonna walk alone this time.

Nang imulat ko ang aking mga mata at magkaroon na ng malay ay mabilis kong inilibot ang aking paningin sa paligid. And when I remember that I am in the Hospital bed now, I immediately held my stomach. Mabilis na nakaramdam ng bigat ang aking dibdib at nangilid ang mga luha sa aking mata. Tinanawan ko sila Zion at Theron na parehong nakatayo hindi kalayuan sa aking kama.

“Y-Yung baby ko, Zion-”

Mabilis niya akong dinaluhan nang makita nila ako na aakma sa pagbangon.

“Hush, everything is alright Ria. You have nothing to worry about. It will be alright. Everything will be okay,” He said when he immediately got attended me.

My eyes immediately get full of tears as my lips trembled in so much fear. Zion brushed my back as he comforted me.

“A-Anong nangyari sa baby ko, Zion? Theron?” I asked them in between my sobs as I held my tummy.

Humiwalay ako kay Zion pagkatpos niya akong subukan na kalmahin at pinagmasdan ang seryoso at madilim nilang ekspresyon ngayon.

Theron’s eyes were serious with a hint of sympathy on me. While Zion’s glares were in deep and stormed at the same time.

“The baby is safe, Ria. You have nothing to worry about.” Theron answered me, which made me feel at ease and help me find my lost air to breathe.

I bit my lower lip as I hugged myself. I feel so relieved that nothing bad happens to my baby. Hindi ko alam kung anong mangyayari kapag pati siya ay nawala sa akin. Kapag pati siya ay hindi rin kumapit at iwanan ako.

“You are three months pregnant, Ria. Does Rhaegar know about this?” It was Theron’s voice who asked me in worried.

Nagpunas ako ng aking pisngi bago nag-angat sa kanila ng tingin. Zion properly arranged the pillow on my back and adjust the upper bed lift so I can rest my back on a lean.

Nang parehas na sila ngayong nkatunghay sa akin at ani mong hinihintay ang aking sagot ay nag-iwas ako sa kanila ng tingin.

“I haven’t told him.” I simply husky pronounced because of so much weary I wailed.

“He should know-”

“Bakit pa Theron? Hindi mo ba nakita yung nangyari kanina? She almost lost her baby! At nasaan si Rhaegar? He’s nowhere to be found.” Zion’s word makes me looked down on my holding hands.

“Still, he’s the father, Zion. He needs to know about it.”

“You know what? We shouldn’t meddle to this. Si Ria ang magde-decide dahil siya ang ina. At si Rhaegar? Tangina niyang gago siya.” I can feel the rage on Zion’s words.

And when I lifted my eyes on them, they are now staring at me languidly. Zion was standing near my side while his hands on its pocket. While Theron was on the edge side of my bed, staring at me worriedly.

“Rhaegar leave me, Theron. Wala na kami. H-He chose my mom over me,” ang luhang hindi ko inasahang mamalisbis ay nag-umpisa na namang bumuhos.

Masakit at may halong bigat pa rin sa aking dibdib habang sinasabi at inaalala ang nangyari kanina.

“Iniwan na niya ako… I want him to choose me. I want him to love and stay with me because that was his choice of free will. Ayokong gawin niya ’yon ng dahil lang sa bata. Gusto kong ayusin ang sa amin ng hindi ginagamit ang baby ko.”

Nag-angat ang luhaan kong mga mata sa kanila.

“I-I tried my best to get him. I did my best for him not to leave me…pero…hindi pa iyon sapat. H-Hindi pa ako sapat.” I gasped hardly as I tried to stop my sobs from straining on my painful heart.

Dahil sa lalo at matinding paghikbing ginagawa ko ay mas lalo lang niyong pinapasakit yung kirot na nararamdaman ko sa aking dibdib. It’s getting more painful each second of wailing that I can’t find my breath back to its ease. It was exhausting that making my body numb as the minutes passed by.

“That man is fully stupid. You’re right Zion, hindi na niya dapat pang malaman. He doesn’t deserve to know it lalo na at nagawa pa rin talaga niyang balikan si Celeste. He’s insane.” It was Theron’s growled.

Ramdam ko naman ang mga mata ni Zion na hindi naalis sa pagkakatitig sa akin.

“It shouldn’t reach his knowledge. He must suffer the stupidity of his decision. He leaves you then don’t come back…the regret will consume him for this.” Ani Zion habang ang mga mata ay nababakas ko ang awa para sa akin.

“We will help you raised the child. Zion will give you a place, the one far from here in the city.” Si Theron na binalingan si Zion ng tingin.

“I can take care of my child Theron-” He then cutted me off.

“Pamangkin ko pa rin iyan, Ria. So please let us help you. Let me and Zion give the best for the child.”

“Hindi na kailangan Theron.” Agap ni Zion na agad naming binalingan.

I saw how his eyes softened on me.

“Mr. De Laughrey is outside. He’s waiting for you, Ria.”

And there, my eyes flocked on the doorway na kakabukas lang. I saw there my grandpa who looked at me with sorrow in his pained eyes. Hindi ako nag-iwas ng tingin kay Lolo bagkus ay tumagal ang tingin ko sa kaniya kasabay ng pagbuhos ng mainit kong mga luha.

Theron and Zion glance at me for a while and later on leave the room. My gazes on my grandpa became weaker as he immediately walked towards my bed. I feel torn but seeing him here making me feel at ease. Even we aren’t good at each other I still find him my source of comfort. He’s still my Lolo.

“Eleftheria…” He muttered softly.

Ramdam ko sa kaniyang malalim na boses na malungkot ito. Kita ko sa kaniyang mga mata ang paghihinagpis at pait.

“L-Lolo,” nabasag ang boses ko pero bago pa man ako tuluyang bumagsak ay nasakop na ako ng kaniyang mga bisig.

He hugged me. He embraces me tightly for the very first time. Mahigpit iyon at mas lalo akong nakaramdam ng panghihina.

“L-Lolo, I’m sorry. I-I’m so sorry,”

“Wala kang dapat na ihingi ng tawad apo. Ako ang maraming naging pagkukulang sa iyo. Patawarin mo ang Lolo. Forgive me if I was that tough to you all your life. I apologize Ria. Sana mapatawad mo ang pagkakamali ng Lolo sa iyo.”

I shook my head continuously as I was resting on his chest. My face was so damp that my tears weren’t about to stop anytime soon.

“Naiintindihan po kita Lolo.”

“I know the truth now, Ria. Brayden told me everything. I’m really sorry apo. Patawarin mo ako dahil mas lalo ko lang pinahirapan ang sitwasyon mo. It must be so hard for you to suffer from it. Instead of me being here to guide and support you, what I only did is to make your situation worse. I became a horrible Grandpa to you Ria and I will never deny that. Hayaan mong bumawi ako sa iyo ngayon apo. Hayaan mong tulungan kita.” His deep large voice became hoarsely as he continued speaking.

Ramdam ko ang pagsisisi sa kaniyang mga salita. Ramdam ko ang pangungulila at pag-asam na magkakaayos pa kami. Yung kagustuhan niyang makabawi at punan ang lahat ng naging pagkukulang niya sa akin simula noon.

“Apo kita, always remember that. I’m taking all the bullshits I said to you back then. You are my real granddaughter. My blood flows in your veins and I wasn’t ill for that, Ria. Masaya ako at may iniwan sa akin si Corbray na kagaya mo. Masaya at nagpapasalamat ako na may alaalang iniwan sa akin ang panganay kong anak.”

My sobs were in hail as my tears run through my cheeks. I feel lightened and my heart swelled in pain as well as in contentment. Kahit na kailan ay hindi ko naisip na pwede mo pa lang maramdaman iyon ng sabay. Masakit pero kahit na papaano ay nagagawang tabunan ng magaan na pakiramdam ang pait at sakit na nararamdaman ng aking puso.

“I-I’m pregnant Lolo. R-Rhaegar left me. Wala ng ama ang anak ko, iniwan niya na kami-”

“Ria, apo nandito na si Lolo ngayon. I can be his father. I can be his grand best father at the same time. Your Dad, Brayden will be also here for your child. Zion and Theron told me everything, they are the uncle of your baby. Maraming handang tawaging ama ang batang nasa sinapupunan mo, Ria.”

Mas lalo akong humagulgol sa pag-iyak nang sabihin iyon ni Lolo sa akin. Even Rhaegar wasn’t here for my baby, there will be a lot of men that are willing to be called and act like my child’s father.

Ilang minuto pa akong nakayakap ng mahigpit kay Lolo habang walang humpay sa pagbuhos ang mabibigat kong pighati. I feel safe and home finally. Ang tagal kong hinintay na magiging maayos ang lahat sa pagitan namin. At ngayong kailangan ko ng makakapitan ay lubos akong nagpapasalamat na maswerte pa rin ang tadhana para sa akin. That my grandpa accepts me now. I’m grateful that he was thankful for me to be here, to be his firstborn living memory.

My life and fate became tough for me. From the day I was born, I feel like my worth never matters. I wasn’t always left behind for the reason that I never get out from the back. Nananatili ako sa isang sulok at walang sumusubok kumuha dahil sa wala rin namang saysay ang pag-aksayahan ako ng panahon.

I became alone. The life I have wasn’t worthy to live on for me. People hated and humiliating me with a tag of being trash. A word that implies once every time they knew who I was.

Sinubukan kong hanapin yung lugar kung saan ako nababagay. If I belong at the dump or in the place where I can find the affection I wanted to feel. I did my very best to make my grandpa proud of me. I worked hard and always give the best in me, but still, it wasn’t all enough. I haven’t been good enough.

Naniwala ako at nagpabulag sa damdaming binubugso ng aking puso. I was in love and the man who makes my heartbeats fasten on its cage is also the person who can beat me up. I thought we are already fine. I thought he will be the one. I imagined that we’ll gonna end up together. But it was just all living in my dreams because, in reality, I wasn’t enough.

I am not enough to make him stay. I am not enough to make him forget about his past that he can’t get over with. Nakakalungkot at sobrang nakakadismaya. Masakit pero ang tanging magagawa ko nalang sa mga oras na ito ay ang kayanin at indahin ang sakit.

It was a bliss, yes, an extremely quick time-lapse of our not-so-long love story. Why is it not so long? Because the ending…my ending is not to be with him.

Rhaegar is the man who I believed was the definition of my lively life. He painted my life with different colors. He gave it’s meaning and made me find its worth…my worth that I lost for a very long time ago.

Binigyan niyang kabuluhan ang lahat the moment he held my hand and didn’t loose the tight grip on the bridge. He saved and never let me fall from the darkness of despair that night. It was a good sign that my life will have its plentiful plans and downsides.

We started in the middle of the night-long bridge, and he ended up leaving me there alone.

Tanaw ang malawak na ganda ng syudad habang balot na balot ako ng isang makapal na jacket. The sun was on the rise and the cold breeze made me feel the cold, even I was wrapped in these warm jackets.

Malaki na rin ang aking tiyan at ilang buwan na rin ang lumipas. I held my stomach and smiled wearily as I caressed him softly.

It was now only me and my baby. Rhaegar wasn’t part of me anymore. He gets to leave and it will be better not to come back again. Dahil sa oras na mangyari iyon ay wala na siyang babalikan.

In the past month of heartache, while I dwelled in pain and lots of tears, I come up to change myself. I come up to be brave and fiercer for my child.

Tears and heartaches shouldn’t be my resort. I let go of all the pain and the burden inside my wounded heart to finally heal it over time.

All my life I realize that I was searching and seeking those people who can give me passionate love. I never intend to be that way but when the long race of sorrow and despair beaten you up, everything you feel will be lost.

Love shouldn’t be found. It wasn’t some kind of research. It is somehow like a test. Because true love is when you already met the one and felt the lively electricity that lit up your dying heart. And when it’s time to let go of that ground because you finally realize that it will kill you in time, you should let it go.

It’s okay to let go of someone. Loose the grip. Loosen up the tight hold you can’t take to lose. Because once you let go of that painful string, it feels like you also free yourself from the pain you were started to living.

You will get hurt, you will be in pain, you will have bruises, and get wounded the moment you lose the person you love. But it will also mean to free yourself. Now is the time to let go of yourself as well. Pakawalan mo yung sarili mo sa pait at mga sugat na idinulot sa iyo ng pagkapit mo sa lubid.

And when you are done setting yourself free. In time, your wounds and bruises will slowly heal. Your bleeding heart will start to build up again. The pain will slowly die down but the sorrow will remain on its scars.

The good thing is that you learned of letting go of someone despite its hardcore excruciating pain it will cause you. Natutuhan mong pakawalan ang isang taong kahit na kailan ay hindi mo lubos naisip na iiwanan ka.

Because if you truly love something, set it free. And if it’s come back, it is meant to be. And if not, it’s still meant to happen. To make you bolder and shaped you to become a strong and independent person.

But at the same time, you will also learn to love and appreciate yourself more than anyone else. You will realize that it’s ourselves more than anything else. That love comes and started within us before someone else can give it to us. Because that person’s only purpose is to fill the missing gap of love to ourselves.

They are not there to showered and give their whole self for you. Gaya lang din ng sa sarili natin, mas mabuting hindi ibigay ang lahat. Learn to preserve and stock for yourself. So that in time he leaves us, we have more left to ourselves.

“Dad,” I softly muttered.

Nakaupo ako ngayon sa isang malambot na couch sa harapan ng chiminea habang humihigop ng isang mainit na tsokolate. When Dad came to visit me here in my place.

He kissed my forehead and caressed my big tummy softly for a little. He then smiled at me. He crouched to level our gazes.

“Kumusta? Your Tita Vera was also here to visit you.”

Napalingon naman ako sa likuran at nakita si Tita Vera na may tipid na ngiti para sa akin. Kalaunan ay nakita kong senyasan siya ng tingin ni Dad dahilan para lumapit siya sa gawi namin.

“It’s nice to see you, hija.” Tita Vera said.

I smiled at her. “I’m happy to see you both as well.”

“Ate Ria!” Then I get bewildered when I saw Leigh walking towards us.

“Leigh, I missed you,” I said when her subtle tight embrace wrapped my shoulders.

“I missed you too, ate.” She then mumbled on my ears.

At nang kumawala siya sa akin ay nakita ko ang maganda niyang mukha. She’s indeed beautiful. I’m sure that a lot of guys are hitting on her.

“No boyfriend-” she cutted me off immediately.

“No boyfriend ate, study first, self-satisfaction and self-love first before anything else.” She then continues and finishes my line.

Bahagya naman akong natawa. She chuckles at me as well. At nang makita ko naman si Lolo na magtungo rin sa aking gawi at gawaran ako ng halik sa noo at ganon din sa aking tiyan ay walang paglagyan ang kapanatagang nararamdaman ko sa mga oras na ito.

I feel happy and contented. The love I have and the love that my family is giving me are more than enough for me. At ngayon ay madadagdagan pa ito. Now that my baby is about to come.

Letting fate loosen the grip for me must be so tough and hard. But sometimes you will just need and get to accept that it’s part of the plan. It’s part of this long journey to make you braver and stronger than what you are yesterday.

Losing him wasn’t the best thing that happened to me but it helps me find myself. It helps me to realize that I, myself would be more better on my own. Far from him, not with him…but with the people who are now more worthy of my grip.

My baby…my child, he’s more worth to hold and I promise not to ever let go of the soft caressed on his little fingers.

“I love you anak. I love you more than anyone and anything else in this world…”

Wakas

Hi, my beloved reader/s! I just wanna say thank you for ending

Loosing The Grip Of Love

with me. Hope you all get the moral lesson of my story. That self-love is more than what others can offer to you. It’s the self-contentment without needing and pleasing anyone to give it to us. Remember that love starts in ourselves. Love yourself before anyone else and there is no wrong with that. Once again, thank you!❤ Please also support the next book of GLIMPSE OF HEART SERIES. See ya there!

Wakas

“Sullivan, anong ganap? Damn, stop drinking too much.” Zion hissed then pulled the glass of drink I was about to pour on my goblet.

“Stay away Rockefeller!” I shouted dahil sa inis na mabilis kong naramdaman.

Nakita ko naman ang gulat sa kaniyang mga mata. Itinaas ang dalawang kamay at saka kalaunan ay iniabot sa akin ang bote ng alak na inagaw niya mula sa akin.

“Chill,” Theron retorted on us.

“Fuck, ano bang problema mo Sullivan? Ikaw ’tong nang-abala sa amin then you’ll be this sick on us pagkatapos ka naming puntahan dito? Dimwit moron.” Zion mumbled beside me now.

I almost leered when his voice itching on my hearing.

We’re on the usual club na madalas naming puntahan dito sa The Fort. Zion and Theron were a dick-head for saying that I’m disturbing them. Samantalang sila itong gabi gabing dumarayo pa sa iba’t ibang exclusive bar and clubs around Makati and BGC. They like booze and how their women are scratching their balls. Meanwhile… I sometimes have it as well.

“Dahil ba kay Celeste ’yan? Damn man, you are too young for her-”

“Shut your bull crap or I’ll kick your ass out of here?” I narrowed my eyes gravelly on Theron’s way as he just twisted his lips.

Mariin ang tingin ko sa baso ng alak habang kinakalma ang sarili. I rarely go out these past few days with them because of this woman. Kung noon ay ako ang madalas na manguna sa pagpunta ng mga pubs pero ngayon ay nawalan na ako ng gana.

I want my life to be at its peak and its climax. But then when I met this woman I don’t know what happens. Palagi nalang siya ang laman ng aking isipan kahit na anong pilit kong pag-iwas at pagtanggal sa kaniya sa aking utak.

It wasn’t healthy lalo na at ang age gap namin ay sobrang laki ng diperensya. She was in her mid-thirties while I’m in my early twenties. I met her in the bridge one night that I passed thereafter going to some club.

At first, I thought she was just there watching what’s below this bridge. But when I realize that who would’ve come here just to watch this in the middle of the night.

She will be going to kill herself. She was about to jump off this bridge kung hindi ko lang siya naabutan.

I was so shocked and terrified to see someone do stuff like that. And there is where we started. Her pretty face caught my eyes and I can’t seem to ignore her alluring glares.

Celeste might be older than me but she wasn’t looked old. She looked so young and hot in my age. She looked stunned and weary when I caught her waist, pulling her out from leaping on this bridge.

“Fuck, what are you doing? Are you out of your mind?” My voice was large as I still can’t believe it. 

She didn’t speak nor say anything else. But all I can see in her eyes was her face that full of tears and trembling lips. She looked in despair and lost towards the beauty of life. She looked awful and very weary.

That is the place where we met. And since that day, tinulungan ko na siya. I helped her to find a job in our company. She even becomes my Dad’s secretary. I found and give her a shelter where she can stay. I give her money and all that she is needing.

I helped and gave her all that she needed without any hesitation. Because all I can feel was sympathy for her until I didn’t recognize that I’m slowly getting crashed. That my feelings started to get involved to her.

I became stiff and stoic. I was ragged and became arrogant towards anything. I tried to stop myself but when I can’t help it anymore, I asked her for dinner. And there where I tried to confess what I’m feeling towards her.

It was quick and very abrupt.

“Celeste, I like you,” I muttered without any inhibitions.

She’s a woman that is very delicate in everything. From her alluring stares up to her every soft movement. She looked so sure and determine towards it all. Ani mong lahat ng gagawin niyang galaw ay nasisigurado na niya. Possibly because she’s older than me, and that’s what makes me like her. Her maturity and silence made me always submerged thinking of what she is.

Malamyos niya akong tiningnan sa mga mata at marahang pumakawala ng isang simple at tipid na ngiti.

“Kaywin, I have a husband already-”

“But he’s dead.” I retorted abruptly, cutting her off.

She paused and lips pursed. Nagbaba siya sa akin ng tingin.

“I have a daughter. My husband and I have a daughter, Kaywin. Mahal ko ang asawa ko at siya lang ang mamahalin ko.”

Ang mga salitang ’yon ay hindi ko nakitang hadlang. I stopped and let her cool after that night and when I slowly get her attention again, I said to myself that this time I will get her.

Naghitay ako at kinuha ang tiwala niya. I became very patient and take her very seriously until one day I asked her again.

“Let me help you with everything. Let me help you make new good memories…of us. Tayo nalang…” I mumbled as I hugged her from behind.

Yakap ko siya mula sa likuran sa ilalim ng madilim ngunit maliwanag na bituin ng kalangitan. Nakatayo kami ngayon dito sa tulay kung saan ko siya unang nakita. And the moment I saved her, this place has already a special part in my heart.

Naramdaman kong hawakan niya ang aking kamay. I can’t see her reaction but I’m sure she’s still hesitant for me and I get that. He loved his husband and their daughter that had been taking away from her for a very long time ago.

Kahit na gano’n pa man ang nangyari ay nakuha ko pa rin naman ang kaniyang sagot, na maging kami kahit na ramdam ko ang kaniyang pag-aalinlangan.

I don’t fucking care if she sees me very younger for her dahil sinubukan ko ring mas maging seryoso. I tried to be more mature for her dahil ayaw kong isipin niya na ganito lang ako at sobrang nalalayo sa mga pananaw niya dahil sa layo ng agwat ng aming mga edad.

But when I started to feel the sudden cold from her, I started to be doubtful. We haven’t been in a one-month relationship pero agad ko nang naramdaman ang pag-iwas niya sa akin.

Zion and Theron know about what is the score between us. Nung una ay alam kong nabigla sila pero kalaunan ay hindi na rin ako kinontra dahil alam nilang wala rin akong papakinggan ni isa sa mga sasabihin nila para sa akin.

I contacted Theron to investigate about Celeste is hiding from me. Nararamdaman kong may tinatago siya sa akin at hindi ako pwedeng magkamali. And when I found out what is that all about ay mabilis akong napuyos ng galit.

I throw the enveloped draggingly at the top of my table here inside my office nang makita ang litrato niyang nakikipagkita sa isang private investigator. She was finding her daughter. She wants to see and knew where her daughter is.

Akala ko ay nagawa ko ng burahin at kalimutan niya ang nakaraan niya. At isiping gumawa kami ng mga bagong alaala na ako ang kasama niya. But the truth is that she’s still stuck in her past.

I was mad. I feel the rage beacause she’s hiding it from me. Until one day she went to my office surprisingly.

“Kaywin…you’re still young. There were a lot of women around that is dreaming of you. Hindi ka dapat mag-settle sa isang katulad ko. I already have a family-”

“A family that already left you! Your husband is dead, Celeste. Can’t you just moved on and build another one with me?” My voice thundered when I can’t contain my sudden fume.

Nakita kong matigilan siya at mangilid ang mga luha sa kaniyang mga mata.

“I will never deprive myself of the longingness I am feeling for my late husband, Kaywin. Especially to my daughter that I never get to see after the day I gave birth to her. At hinding hindi mapapalitan ng kahit na anong magagandang pangyayari sa buhay ko ngayon ang masasaya at masakit kong nakaraan nang kasama ko pa sila. It was priceless and incomparable, Kaywin.” She said with conviction as I saw the grief pass through on her teary eyes. 

I gritted my jaw. So I wasn’t enough? No, she can’t just leave me this way. Alam kong ang nakaraan lang niya ang pumipigil sa kaniyang hayaan ang sarili niyang magsama kami.

I tried contacting the private investigator she hired in finding her daughter. I manipulate and paid the man just to hide the truth from her.

“I wanted her to know that her daughter is nowhere to be found. Give me the pictures and the details you have reached so far about this daughter. Make sure na ni isa sa mga litratong ito ay wala pa siyang natatanggap. Remember that it’s your family is at the stake once you failed in this.” I said to the investigator after having my hand in real copies of the document about the daughter of Celeste.

At nang sumunod na araw din non ay sinubukan ko muling kausapin siya tungkol sa aming dalawa. But then she looked in so much grief nang mapuntahan ko siya sa opisina. At alam ko kung ano ang dahilan…sino ang dahilan.

“Rhaegar we shouldn’t be. Please stop pushing it dahil wala na akong ibang kayang ibigay sa’yo kundi pagka-kaibigan lang. I didn’t love you. Si Corbray lang ang minahal ko-”

“Pero patay na siya Celeste! Anong makukuha mo sa isang patay-” then my words cutted off by her brittle slap on my face.

My head tilted. I felt it numb for seconds until I feel it sore later on.

“You can’t just say it to him. Minahal ko siya at minahal niya ako. You don’t know how much it hurts when the person you really loved left you alone in this world without never coming back. And nothing can turn his life back to me again. Kaya huwag na huwag mo sa aking sabihin na wala akong mahihita. Because he might be dead but the memories he left for me were still alive. It was still fresh at the back of my mind like it just happened yesterday. His love, I can still feel it…every time, every day.”

Her eyes narrowed on me as her lips trembled in anger.

“Huwag mo na akong guluhin. I will find my daughter no matter what. And this will gonna be the last time we are talking about this. We are done, Kaywin.” She said and walked out.

“Celeste… Celeste!” I called her loudly but she never gets to stop and glance at me. Patuloy siyang naglakad hanggang sa makalabas siya ng pintuan ng aking opisina.

I am disturbed. I was so furious that I almost break everything inside my office. This is the first time I feel this kind of outraged. It was my heart who made me into this.

Ilang araw akong nagpakasubsob sa opisina ko non. Hindi ako mapakali at mabilis na lumilipad ang utak ko sa kaniya sa oras na wala akong ginagawa kaya hinayaan ko ang sarili ko sa trabaho. I let my attention divert to forget her.

But when she’s gone at hindi ko na alam kung saan siya nagtungo ay hindi ko na rin sinubukang hanapin siya.

“Is that her? Damn, she’s hot. I mean wow, she’s dropped dead gorgeous.” Zion announced as we glanced at the woman walking outside the University.

I was in the driver’s seat, Theron was on the passenger while Zion was sitting in the back seat. Nakatanaw kami sa babaeng kalalabas lang ng campus. Our car is parked on the other side of the street but we can still see her from here.

“Is that her daughter? She looked like Celeste, but… she’s more beautiful than her mom.” Ani Theron mayamaya.

I gulped. She’s indeed beautiful. At that moment, I realized na hindi pa rin siya nakikita ni Celeste. She looked stunning even just in her pair of jeans and simple plain shirt.

I looked away nang mapansin kong tumatagal na ang titig ko sa kaniya.

“Looked, there’s a group of varsity players lurking at her around.” Ani Zion sa akin.

Mabilis akong napabaling ng tingin muli sa gawi kung nasaan si Eleftheria ay naroon.

“Damn, tara puntahan natin. Mukhang lokoloko ’tong mga ’to.” Si Theron na nagtanggal na ng kaniyang seatbelts.

Pinagmasdan ko naman ang mga lalaking nakabasketball jersy na kakatapos lang ng game na pasimpleng sumusunod at tumitingin sa kaniya. I know this men’s glare, it was screaming in desire and fucking lewdnesses. Naningkit ang mga mata ko at mabilis akong nakaramdam ng pagka-inis.

“Ano tara na ba?” Si Zion na mukhang umaamba na rin sa paglabas.

“No, walang lalabas.” I then said to them.

Natigilan naman sila sa sinabi ko.

“What? Rhaegar tingnan mo nga,” ani pa ni Zion sa akin na may naiinis ng ekspresyon sa akin ngayon.

At nang balingan ko ang gawi kung nasaan si Eleftheria kanina at makitang mawala siya ron ay mabilis na nangunot ang noo ko. And when I saw the players getting inside the bus nanliit ang mga mata ko.

“The woman went inside the bus-” when Theron said that, I immediately open the door beside me.

“Teka, akala ko ba walang lalabas?!”

Hindi ko na pinansin pa ang sinasabi ni Zion dahil mabilis akong tumakbo para maabutan ang bus na nakahinto pa dahil nagsasakay ng ilang pasahero.

Damn it! Hindi ko alam kung ano ang pumasok sa kukote ko at nagawa ko siyang sundan. Nang makasakay ako sa loob ng bus at makitang nakaupo siya malapit sa harapan ay halos mapahinto ako sa paglalakad. She’s wearing her earpods while reading a book. Hindi niya ako napansin kaya naman ay naupo ako sa kaniyang tabi. And when I sat beside her, she didn’t even get to notice me.

Nananatili siyang nagbabasa ng kaniyang libro. She seems oblivion towards what’s happening around her. At nang lingunin ko ang mga varsity player na nakaupo hindi rin kalayuan sa pwesto namin at nakatingin sa aking katabi ay mariin ko silang tiningnan. They noticed my gravely glares.

And I even caught them cleared their throats later on. Nagkatinginan pa silang saglit na magbabarkada. Kaya naman nang humintong muli ang bus ay hindi na rin sila nagtagal at sabay sabay silang nagsibabaan.

At nang mawala ang grupong iyon ay hindi ko na maiwasang mapatingin sa aking katabi. She looked like she’s concentrating and seems so busy reading her book. Her soft thin lips pursed while her pinky blushy cheeks puffed. I saw a little bullet of sweat on the side of her forehead that makes the small thin hair damp and sticks on her fair skin. Nang mapansin kong nasa akin nakatapat ang aircon ng bus ay agad kong inabot iyon para sa kaniya itapat.

Hindi ko maiwasang tagalan ang pagtitig sa kaniya. Her soft and very appealing features alluring me. Her fair skin and the wavy edge of her long hair make my brows shot up.

And when I noticed that my glares were becoming too long, I immediately looked away. At saktong pag-iwas ko ay siyang paggalaw niya sa kaniyang kinauupuan at pagtayo kalaunan.

Nabunggo pa niya ang aking hita ng tumayo siya. Hindi naman iyon gano’n kalakas pero animong hindi niya man lang naramdaman na nabunggo niya ako. She just continued walking towards near the door of the bus while her eyes were preoccupied with her book she is reading. At nang huminto ang bus ay mabilis rin siyang bumaba.

I stood up and went down from the bus as well para sundan siya. At nang makababa ako ay agad siya ang hinanap ng aking paningin. Natagpuan ko siyang pumasok sa isang coffee shop kasama ang isang babae.

Since that day I can’t understand myself anymore. Dahil kapag may oras akong wala ng gagawin sa opisina ay magugulat nalang ako sa aking sarili na nasa labas na ng university naka park ang aking sasakyan. Waiting and glancing at her to come out.

And those times were not failed. It never fails for my eyes to always glimpse her beauty. Her concentration soft feature and her very gorgeous hot complexion. It always caught my attention even she’s with the crowd, she always stands out in my eyes.

And when I realized what I’m doing I stopped myself. A year passed at hindi ko na muli siyang pinagmamasdan sa labas ng university niya. Until one day when I remember her mom, I just accidentally found myself on her campus, being the speaker on the stage of the University she will be graduating.

It’s now their graduation day at hindi ko alam sa sarili ko kung bakit may kakaibang kirot akong naramdaman sa aking dibdib nang makita siyang may hinahanap sa crowd. She looked worried as her brows arched in sadness. She’s one of the Latin honors and suddenly I feel sad to see her wear her medal and get her diploma without any at least one of her family to congratulate her here.

I gritted my teeth. I have checked her background to Theron about what her family is into. And I found out that she’s a De Laughrey. Her family is one of the great company banks known for its huge tangibility and a very trusted secure bank here in the country.

Kalaunan ay hindi ko pa rin maiwasang isipin siya. Her mom is finding her. And I become the hindrance between the two.

I loved her mom, Celeste. Hindi man ako nagawang mahalin ng tunay ay hindi ko pa rin magawang pakawalan ang nararamdaman ko para sa kaaniya. It may seem so toxic and very unhealthy feelings for me but it was the truth.

Kaya naman ng ilang taon na ang lumipas ay hindi pa rin ako nawalan ng balita kay Aiden. I always get updated about her life, about her whereabouts and all. It was insane to think but I just only wonder where her mom is. Kung nagkita na ba sila o nakita na ba siya ni, Celeste.

One evening I’d come up with the thought of trying to get Aiden. So if when her moms came back for her, Celeste would be…

I know it was a horrible thought but I ended up bumping into her in the cafe the next morning. It wasn’t an accident,  it was all planned and seem to really happen.

“What the fuck.” I muttered huskily as my eyes darted on her darkly.

Her brows met halfway as my coffee fell on the ground. She looked stunned and confused if what she will gonna do.

“I-I’m sorry Sir I didn’t mean that to happen. Uhmm, I’ll buy you a new one if you want? Ano po bang coffee-” tuloy tuloy niyang sabi.

I just glared at her. At first, I thought she will recognize me. Because in the past year I rarely go and have a glimpse at her from afar but I sometimes get near her. And those times, she wasn’t really that attentive to even recognize my presence.

That morning I was so sure that she really didn’t recognize me, nor even knew who I was.

“Natanggal siya sa kumpaniya ng Lolo niya. She had no job at the moment. And her Dad, Mr. Brayden is sick.” My private investigator informed me over the phone.

Kaya naman nang malaman ko sa head manager ng kumpaniya na she’s one of the applicants ay agad kong sinabihan si Mrs. Alcantara na walang bakanteng trabaho para sa marketing team. I also fired my current secretary and position her for other work. Because I have planned it all in my head.

But the moment I get in inside my office at makitang nabasag ang picture frame that I made customize, I immediately felt myself fall in rage. I was fuming mad that the image of me and Celeste in a silhouette picture frame shatters on the floor.

She looked very shocked that her eyes watered and knees wobbled as he walked out of my office.

“I said I want you out of my sight! This instant!” My voice was firmed and thundered inside my office.

I can see in her eyes the inhibitions and hesitation every time her gazes bore on me. I can feel how she feel scared towards me kahit na sa simpleng pagtingin ko pa lang sa kaniya.

At first, I tried to act like I’m just trying to get her. I know what she is and I’m not that doom to risk her. She’s that soft innocent fragile woman.

But when I slowly felt to myself that I’m starting to be different whenever I’m with her. I will be suddenly turned into a cold humid one just to make her feel that it doesn’t matter to me at all. Like what we are having simple dinner and thought I am giving to her didn’t count on me because I didn’t really care at all. Because I shouldn’t be with her. It’s her mom that I wanted and not her.

“Rhaegar nahihibang ka na ba? She’s the daughter of Celeste. And don’t fucking tell me you did it just for her to fall from your trapped?” Si Zion na nagtatangis ang bagang na sinabi iyon sa akin.

I then looked away. I know what he’s trying to figure out and he’s right.

“Sullivan, Ria is far different from her mother. Wala siyang alam sa kung anong namamagitan sa inyo ng ina niya. So don’t incriminate her with this. She’s innocent.” Theron added.

We’re inside my office and they visited me just to say all of this.

“I know what I’m doing;” then suddenly they both cutted me off.

“You’re insane, dimwit!” Halos sabay pa nilang ani.

I gritted my jaw at that. I stood up and glared at them gravely. Hindi naman sila nag-iwas sa akin ng tingin at tanging pinantayan at nilabanan lang nila ako.

“Lumabas na kayong dalawa… get out!”

“Tss, ang gago mo! Sa oras lang na malaman kong ginagago mo si Ria, Rhaegar, tandaan mong walang kadugo rito. Sasapakin kita.” Seryoso si Zion at ramdam ko kung kailan at saan siya nagseseryoso.

Hindi ko maintindihan ang aking sarili dahil sa mga sumunod na araw ay naramdaman ko nalang na nahuhulog na ako. That I’m starting to fall on my own trapped.

“I love you, Aiden,” I said that with my voice firm and deep after having a steamy hot make love with her.

I’m serious when I said that. Naramdaman kong ’yon ang sinasabi ng aking dibdib. I loved her, and that what makes me keep on going just to not lose her.

I did my very best to keep her. But when I heard about Celeste when Faye came into my condo, naguluhan na naman akong muli. Naguluhan na namang muli ang aking isipan kung sino at ano ba talaga ang nararamdaman ko para sa kaniya.

Faye also knows about Celeste. It must be Theron and Zion who told her about it. At alam ko ring tutol si Faye sa akin para kay Aiden dahil alam niya kung anong motibo ko rito.

“Tell me that you see her the way you see other women. You’ll just break her heart like what you did to others. Ilan na ba ang babae ang binasura mo pagkatapos mong gamitin-”

“Shut up, Faye. You didn’t know anything.” I cutted her narrowly when I get irritated with what she just said to me.

“I know, Rhaegar. You can’t lie to me.” Faye muttered as she glared at me dartedly.

I gritted my teeth as I felt my brows furrowed and forehead creased flashing at her.

Faye walked near my way and held my shoulder.

“You didn’t move on, you’re still stuck on your past.” She uttered softly that made me clasped my fisting hand now.

I get terrified that what if she’s right? That I’m still stuck to my past?

At napagtanto kong tama si Faye nang makita si Celeste nang gabing um-attend ako ng grand birthday celebration niya no’n. She was there with the crowd. And I just noticed her when Aiden asked me that she will just go to the bathroom.

This is my reason why I don’t want Aiden to attend this party. This is why I also didn’t want to show up at this celebration.

“If this is about that party, I don’t understand you,” Ria said in confusion on me.

“You shouldn’t come.”

Napamaang niya akong tiningnan.

“Why? It’s your cousin’s celebration and I already declined her first invite pati ba naman ito, Rhaegar? Pupunta ako-”

“I said. you. will. not. come,” I emphasize every word to make her listen to me.

I glared at her as she tried to equal my glares. I can see in her eyes the vivid confusion but she just remains in grim. Irritated at me.

“Why are you stopping me, Rhaegar?” she asked the reason why I immediately looked away.

I gritted my teeth as I narrowed my eyes on the floor.

“Tell me, kasi hindi na kita maintindihan. She’s your cousin and I know you’ll attend there as well. Now, what’s the problem if I-”

“Just don’t go, Aiden. Mahirap bang sundin ang sinasabi ko? Damn it.” I grunted while my fists clenching and my teeth gritting.

But then, fate wasn’t that great. I still go and be with Ria even I know where I will end up. I can’t resist myself for not seeing her.

“Kumusta ka na? I heard you’re having a great time.” I asked Celeste when we got to the place out of the crowd.

I glared at her intently as I traced every bit of her. She didn’t change, it’s still her. She didn’t even look older, she even looked radiant.

“I’m doing great, ikaw. How are you?” She asked me back.

My glares on her became darkly when she spoke so womanly alluring. Damn, I missed her.

And then I neared her. I took a step to closed our distance a bit.

“Don’t worry about me Rhaegar,” I can sense what she meant by that.

Mariin at madilim ang mga mata kong nakatitig sa kaniya ngayon. But when Celeste caressed my jaw, my stoic and stern expression darkens as the gloom glint in my eyes.

I even almost shut my eyes as I feel her soft caress on my face. I didn’t expect that because I thought she’s mad at me. Dahil nung huli naming pag-uusap ilang taon na rin ang lumipas ay hindi naging maganda iyon.

“I missed you…” I muttered, can not halt myself from telling her what I’m feeling right now.

Since then I doubted myself. I know that I love Ria but my heart also keeps beating to Celeste. It was weird and very confusing.

Hanggang dumating sa point na naramdaman kong mag-umpisang manlamig ang tungo sa akin ni Ria. I get frustrated and weaken as well dahil pakiramdam ko ay agad akong nakaramdam ng pangamba…takot na magbago ang lahat sa amin.

“That night…on that event, I saw you…” Her voice shivered as she said that. Her eyes were not focused on me, nakatitig sa kawalan.

I was holding her hand when she said that. I felt my body froze for a moment.

“You saw what?” I asked her, stern and stoic.

“You’re embracing someone…the place was dim but I know that it was you, Rhaegar.” Aiden pronounced to me bravely.

I gritted my teeth. I looked away, hindi matagalan ang mga tingin niyang mapanglaw na alam kong magpapahina sa akin.

“Rhaegar, did you just used me as your another woman or you c-cheat on me?” Her voice trembled as it sounds weak and frightens at the same time.

Yes, I lied. It wasn’t Briana she was thinking that I was embracing that night. It was Celeste… It was her mother.

I came up to lied to her every now and then every time she asked me what is wrong. Little she didn’t know, it was her mother I’m deceiving by my lies.

Somehow, I admit that what I did to them was wrong. I am the reason why they didn’t meet in the first place. And now I can’t find my hardly beating heart to Ria anymore.

I came to follow and get her in Bulacan after almost one month of finding myself. I know where she was but I just didn’t let myself go and get her back so suddenly. Dahil alam ko sa sarili kong may mali… There is something wrong with my feelings for her.

Hindi pwedeng dalawa ang taong gusto ko. Hindi pwedeng sabay ko silang mahalin. There is more than great. And that’s what I want to find out.

Nang makabalik kami ng Manila ay alam kong magkakaaberya na. It wasn’t that easy but it’s already explainable.

Pagkarating na pagkarating pa lang namin ng condominium ay pinapatawag na agad ako ni Mr. Brayden De Laughrey. I know what it will be already. It’s not just a meeting that Zion is pertaining to me when we are in front of Aiden.

“How do you know about my daughter?” Mr. Brayden asked me sternly as he sat on his swivel chair inside his office.

I proudly stood up in front of his huge table as I glared at him darkly. His menacing stares were all on me at ramdam ko kung gaano iyon katalim at kaseryoso.

“She’s my employee, my secretary-” he cutted me off abruptly.

“Fuck that crap. You’re such a dumbass Sullivan. Once you hurt my daughter, I will fucking kill you myself.” He said gravely with his eyes daggered on me.

I gritted my jaw. He shifted on his seat as I remained silent and not speaking.

“Alam kong si Celeste ang gusto mo. I have eyed you the moment I noticed that someone is invading my daughter’s privacy. If you want Celeste, leave my daughter alone. She’s in pain for a long time ago. She got mentally and emotionally hurt more than what you can think. Just leave Eleftheria to have her life far from any chaos you will cause and damage for her in time.”

How can I let go of two things if I wanted them both at the same time? How will I leave one if I can’t get the other one with my bait? One way or another, I have to get what I want even if it is using one of them.

Did I really use her? Aiden, does I really just used her?

I was allured and get benefited from the love I thought I’m feeling towards her. I sacrifice my family and the sake of the company just to get her back in my arms again. I had did so many things I never think that I will do for Aiden. It’s all new to me that I can’t get to recognize myself anymore after all of it.

This was the first time…and will be the last that I will do something that can ruin me later on.

I’m such an ass. I’m so stupid and a jackass that all I did is to get what I love. Even it’s breaking someone’s heart in exchange. I’m so selfish. I’m so self-centered. And I can’t help myself through it because I get scared of losing someone. And losing Celeste for the second time will torment me.

As for the cycle of deceiving lies, I feel guilty but at the same time relieved that I get to make her believe in it. Aiden was out for almost two days. She called and send me a flood of messages that I can’t even pay attention to.

I get my phone after being stuck by a continuous shot of drinks here inside the club.

Aiden:

Rhaegar where are you?

Aiden:

I just get home this noon. Nasaan ka?

Aiden:

I don’t have the key card for your unit. Are you inside? Please open the door.

Aiden:

I go back instead here in my unit. Maybe you’re asleep. ’Di na kita inistorbo. Good night…

Those are just a few of her messages the first day. And when the next morning came, I have received new messages from her.

Aiden:

Goodmorning Rhaegar. Wish you were here so we can have breakfast together.

Aiden:

I missed you already!

Aiden:

I love you…please reply when you have some time. I miss you…

I looked away and put my phone slammed on the side table of my bed. Her messages were so pure and innocent. She’s benevolent that breaking her heart with the truth weakens me more.

Ang sabi niya sa akin ay bibisitahin niya ang kaniyang ama and when I realized that she wasn’t, I became reckless. Dahil alam kong kalaunan ay mabubunyag din ang lahat. That she will know the truth about me and her mother.

I was in the restaurant of the hotel as I waited for Celeste to meet me that day. But she didn’t show up. I get mad because she didn’t even tell me what is wrong.

Pero ang hindi ko alam ay nakita pala ako ni Aiden ng araw na ’yon. She was confused at first and she believes that I will be meeting up with my co-businessman to have set a meeting inside the resto.

And for the uncountable lies, I lied again. I was about to meet Celeste that day. Hindi para sa isang meeting sa resto. She believed me again. I’m a thorn to her. She didn’t know that all I said was only meant to bring her up.

I lied. I made lies but not all that happened between us were part of it. I did…I did love her. The made love was all real. Her feelings for me, I know she was all true by that.

She means what she always says. Walang siyang sinabi na hindi ko naramdamang hindi totoo. Herself were veracious, she’s like an open book, clear and very truthful. She’s selfless in that she always considered everyone’s perspective even it’s her life that will be inflicted. She often counts what others might think of us. Especially about our family’s beliefs and opinion towards our relationship.

That’s how pure her heart is even it will wound her afterward, gagawin niya pa rin kung ano ang sa tingin niyang makabubuti.

I feel bad for her. I feel torn that she believes that even after all the heartaches she has, at the end of the day it will be me that she will take as her medicine. I was her cure for her broken heart that love and circumstances ruined her.

Pero hindi. She will just get more bruises and wounded the day she realized that I’m gonna be her most heartbreak.

“Is this your woman? Is she your woman Rhaegar? Sagutin mo ako!” She asked me in pain as she cried out with her eyes a sting of shock.

I didn’t expect her to be here. It was so sudden that she saw me with Celeste. My eyes just narrowed languidly at her as I saw how her tears flowed down on her cheeks profusely. I don’t know what the right thing to do at that moment.

I was confused and tensed that she was a drought in pain as I watch her cry because of me. I feel so sick to myself that the woman I loved got tormented because of me. I am ill, I am the one who should be in her state.

She doesn’t deserve it. She doesn’t deserve to be in this kind of misery. She’s innocent and I know it from the very beginning. And yet I took advantage of it just to get what I want. Just to get back on Celeste and took her back again on me.

“Bakit Rhaegar? Sabihin mo sa’kin kung bakit. How this all happened? Zion told me that your woman was part of your past that you cannot get over with. Is she my mom? Hmm? Is that my mom all along?!” She growled as her guttural sobs crept on her strained voice.

Naglakad siya palapit sa akin at sinubukan akong paulanan ng mahihina niyang mga hampas. But her weakness neglect the pain she wants me to endure. I held her arms, stopping her.

I gritted my teeth as my eyes dimmed in pain seeing her in this worse state.

“You’re such a crook Rhaegar. Y-You’re such an ass that you did this to me… I believed in you because I have faith that you were the one I needed. You were the one who helped me to get through everything I am dwelling in. Pero bakit mo ’to nagawa sa’kin? Pa’no mo ’kong nagagawang saktan pagkatapos mo sa aking iparamdam na iba ako, na may puwang ako diyan sa puso mong sarado nung una kitang makilala.”

Her face was full of tears as her shoulders drooping in ache.

Seryoso at malalim ang mga mata kong pinagmasdan siyang manlumo sa sakit habang ang kamay ko ay nananatiling hawak ang kaniyang mga braso. Sinubukan niyang magpumiglas dahilan para mas higpitan ko ang pagkakahawak ko sa kaniya.

“Aiden please, go home,” I muttered huskily to her.

Namilog ang kaniyang mga mata at hindi makapaniwala akong tiningnan. Napaawang ang bibig niya at natigilan sa pagpupumiglas sa akin. She frozed that I can feel how her world shivers.

Kita at ramdam ko ang sakit sa kaniyang mga mata. Na kahit ako ay mas nahihirapan sa nararamdaman ko para sa kaniya. It was so hard that I just now realized where I had been. I’ve been this far just to get what I longing for.

Hurting her this way doesn’t give me peace. It was restless to think that I damaged her mentally and emotionally. I feel guilty. I feel doomed that I did that to her.

“I… never really loved you Aiden.” Mas mariin at diretsa kong sinabi sa kaniya sa pagkakataong ito.

She shook her head while her unstoppable hot tears filled her eyes. She’s broke. She’s being shattered more because of my excruciating words that I have to say to stop it already.

“Y-You don’t have to lie on me Rhaegar-”

“I’m not lying Aiden! I said I fucking never love you! Do you hear me? I will say it more than thrice just for you to get it. I…never…love…you. Sana naman naintidihan mo.”

I thundered because of so much pain that I can’t take to see on her miserable eyes anymore. I can’t tear her more this time. At kung ipagpapatuloy pa namin ang kung anong mayroon sa amin ay masasaktan ko lang siya lalo. And seeing her in tears, I can’t take it already. It feels like I’m being stabbed, doubled the pain she was having at the moment.

“R-Rhaegar…” She painfully mumbled while she hardly tried to stop herself from dwelling in more tears and hurtful sobs.

I saw how her lips trembled as it parted in disbelief. I frowned and my eyes didn’t leave her way. I wanted to say it to her directly without an abundance of uncertainty.

“I never love you Aiden. It was your mother who I only loved from the very beginning. I was lost because she left me. And when you came into my life, you just messed up my mind. I thought I loved you, but then when she came back, I lost the feeling I was thinking I am having for you. It was all uncertain. Nagkamali lang ako, Aiden. I wasn’t in love with you. Because what I can only see is your mom. My eyes were only sighted your mom’s image in you.” I said it to her without any inhibition.

I seriously glared at her deeply even my heart throbs for her are started to be break. The walls of my heart began to be shattered by this overflowing painful throbs in seeing her lost her composure.

“Are you saying all of this because you wanted to be with my mom, Rhaegar? Nagagawa mo akong saktan para lang sa taong alam mong iniwan ka noon. I’m your present Rhaegar! Ako ’yong nandito tapos ngayon na bumalik siya ay ibabasura mo nalang ako?! Gano’n ba, Rhaegar? Is that how heartless you are? Is that how selfish you can be? H-How can you stomach saying your I love you’s to me in the first place when all you see in me was my mom?!” She screamed in so much frustration as her tears profusely flowing.

Ang malakas na alon ng kaniyang dibdib dahil sa bigat ng nararamdaman niya ang mas lalong nagpapahina sa akin ngayon. I wanted to touch her. I wanted to hold her. I wanted to wipe her tears and kissed her to ease the pain she was having.

But I can’t. I won’t. I shouldn’t. Dahil sa oras na gawin ko ’yon ay mas lalo ko lang siyang ilulubog sa pasakit na ako mismo ng nagdala sa kaniya.

“Tell me Rhaegar, sa mga gabing inangkin mo ako…is it my mom you were thinking? Is it my mom you imagined you are fucking in your bed?! Is it her, Rhaegar? Tell me!” She cried out at the top of her lungs. Her eyes pierced on me but the agony visibly stabbing me.

My lips parted as I’m having a hard time breathing. I can’t catch the air as I look stunned by her sudden question.

Humakbang siya plapit sa akin at mas diniinan ang matalim ngunit namumugto na ring mga mata niya sa kabila ng pagdaloy ng mainit niyang pagluha. She flashed her eyes on me, keen and strained at the same time.

I then gulped hard as I gritted my teeth. My brows met in furrowed but not in anger, but in frustration and misery.

“Sabihin mo sa’kin, Rhaegar-”

“Yes,”

I growled in pain as I saw her knees fall onto the ground. Weak and in despair. Her mouth dropped and her eyes almost popped out in so many tears she’s trying to burden.

I lied… I never think of Celeste while we’re in the middle of making love. I never even have that kind of intimacy with her. A peck of a kiss, that’s only it. Kahit na kailan ay wala ng higit pa na nangyari sa pagitan namin ni Celeste.

I only said that just for her to stop. I want her to stop loving me. I want her to let go of me. I want her to loose the grip she was holding firmly on me.

Dahil kung ipagpapatuloy niya pa ang pagkapit sa matinik na lubid ay mas lalo lang siyang masusugatan at masasaktan. Mas lalo ko lang siyang pinahirapan.

My eyes darted on her as I grim my lips before I walked towards the door of my car. I was gritting my teeth together with the loud thuds of my heartbeats screaming that I shouldn’t leave her here alone in the bridge.

Her sobs making my footsteps heavy each time I lift my foot for another stamp.

“I said tell me!” Ang mapait at masidhing sakit sa kaniyang boses ang tumatarak sa aking puso ngayon.

She’s giving me an option. She’s making me choose. She wants me to choose if it’s her or Celeste.

“It will never be you, Aiden.” I grimly said before I took another step and open the door of my car.

“K-Kapag umalis ka Rhaegar, tandaan mong wala ka ng babalikan pa. Think of it please…choose me this time.” She said in between her hefty sobs and strained voice.

But I still leave her there alone. It was painful for me but that’s all I knew was the right thing to do at those times.

My heart contracts in so much heave of ached as I drove my car away from her. But I know that Aiden’s heart was more in torn because of me. And what I’m feeling was nothing to compare with her. It’s unbearable, I damaged her severely.

I thought it was Celeste I loved. I get confused that I ended up leaving Aiden. All this time I wasn’t so sure about my feelings for her. But then I realized that it wasn’t really uncertain.

I said ’I love you’s to Aiden without any inhibition. She makes me smile. She makes me happy. She makes my heart fluttered and mostly she makes me lame. She makes me feel frightened of losing someone. It was all about her whom I was scared to be this way.

Maybe I’m just confused again? Fuck that confusion! Heart never lies. It might be scary to find the truth but it will never lie who its heart beats for. I may love both but there is more enormous. One of them stands out on me.

I u-turned my car and drove back as fast as I can. I loved Aiden. Siya ang tinitibok nitong lito kong puso. I’m not drowned by my past. I was just allured by my memory who seems to can’t move on by Celeste’s image.

It’s Aiden that my heart keeps on beating. It wasn’t her mom. It was really her. The moment I saw her out of the campus. The time I sat beside her inside the bus. I cannot deny that my heart’s glimpse at her.

I was deceived by my own lies. I get distracted by myself pressured that I will just hurt her. My love wasn’t uncertain, it’s not the real case. It’s certain, that beats wildly behind this languid pain and bewilderment for her.

I slammed the door of my car when I went out and see nothing on the bridge. Mabilis ang alpas ng aking dibdib habang ang bigat ng aking dibdib ay wala ng makakakalma.

Where is her? Where is Aiden? Tanong ko sa aking sarili habang binabakas ang puwesto kung saan ko siya iniwan kanina.

And when I walked at the side of this bridge and saw a dripped of fresh blood. My eyes widen as my heart began to beat rapidly.

“A-Aiden…” My voice trembled as my lips parted and shivered in fear.

Naging mabilis ang aking paghinga at mabilis na inilibot ang tingin sa paligid ng tulay.

“Aiden! Where are you?!” I screamed at the top of my lungs like she will show up anytime soon.

I felt my eyes sting as my shoulders drooping.

Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko at lito kung saan ako pupunta para hanapin siya. Naramdaman ko ring mamanhid ang aking mga binti dahil sa dugong nakita ro’n.

Is it from Aiden? Where is she? What happened to her?

I felt my body numb when Zion’s punch hit my face. Tulala ako at tanging ang nararamdaman lang ay sobrang pighati.

“What did you do Sullivan?!” It was Zion’s barked that immediately passed through my ears.

Matalim ko siyang tiningnan habang ang mga mata niya ay mariin ding nakatitig sa akin.

I am now here inside the hospital when Zion and Theron came up to visit me. Basang basa ang aking damit at ang buong katawan ko habang inaasikaso ako ng ilang nurses. Si Zion naman ay ito, sinasapak ako dahil sa kabaliwang hindi ko pagsisisihang gawin muli.

“I need to find Aiden, Zion!” I fumed at him.

“Are you out of your mind?! You jump off that bridge in the middle of the night just to find Ria-”

“Fuck you, Zion! Magkamatayan na mahanap ko lang si Aiden. I will jump off that bridge every night, every day, or even my whole life just to find her.” I protested as my heart began to beat me in so much pain.

“Tangina mo rin Rhaegar! Sana naisip mo ’yan bago mo iniwan si Ria! And what now? You’re finding her, she’s just in-”

“What if she’s dead Rhaegar?” Theron probed, cutting Zions burst.

I frozed. I then shook my head as I felt my bloodshot eyes sting and glared at them both gravely.

“No… She’s not. She’s alive Theron. She’s…alive.” I muttered, having a hard time to breath as I started to lost the air for me to survive.

“She might be dead, Rhaegar-”

“I said she’s alive! She’s not dead…do you understand? Aiden is breathing, so fucking take back your curse Theron!”

Habol ko ang mabigat at mabilis kong paghinga habang hawak ko ng mahigpit ang kwelyo ng damit ni Theron. He didn’t even flinch as I glared at him piercingly and gravely.

His brows then shot up. “Fine, she’s alive. But how will you explain the blood you saw on that place?” He yields later on.

Nanigas ako sa aking kinatatayuan at mas lalong nakaramdam ng matinding sakit na sumisikdo sa aking dibdib. Marahan kong binitiwan ang kwelyo ni Theron habang ang aking mga mata ay pagod at takot na nagbaba ng tingin sa sahig.

No…she’s not dead. It’s not her stain of blood. It wasn’t from her.

Wala ako sa aking katinuan at ang tanging laman lang ng aking isipin ay ang mahanap si Aiden. She’s not dead. Alam kong buhay pa siya.

The fresh blood on the bridge became a stain and later on fade as the past months come along. At kahit na gano’n ay sariwa pa rin sa aking isipan ang lahat.

That night, I jump off this bridge. I tried to find her. I dive even my legs almost get strained as I swam widely just to find her at the lake below.

I am so sure that she was alive. I even called a rescue team and dispatch some speedboats around every coast of this lake just to find if she’s there. Inabot nang halos kinabukasn ng tangahali ang searching pero walang natagpuan.

I gritted my teeth as the man I pay for this rescue search said that maybe Aiden was dead. Because she is nowhere to be found.

“My girlfriend is alive! She’s not dead! Give me her body if she really is. Hanapin niyo ang bangkay at ipakita niyo sa akin bago niyo sabihing patay na siya!”

I even contacted Mr. Brayden De Laughrey about this at ang senior dahil alam kong makakatulong sila sa paghahanap. Dahil kahit na gaano pa man kamuhian ng Lolo niya si Ria ay alam kong mag-aalala pa rin ito sa oras na malaman niya ang nangyagari.

But before I get to call them I immediately received a letter from them. It was a letter that stating something that makes my body numb and ripped my heart in pain.

Eleftheria Aiden De Laughrey…is dead.

Mabilis kong nilamukos ang papel kahit na nagmula pa iyon sa kaniyang ama.

No…she’s not dead.

It states there, na namatay si Aiden dahil sa saksak. She was stabbed at the side of the road as someone tried to snatch her purse.

I don’t buy it. I can’t buy that statement and her cause of death. But not until the De Laughrey announced and release at the press that they are in grief. That the heiress of his company died.

I was in despair and gloom. Hindi ko lubos maisip at matanggap ang mga nangyayari. I feel down and I blame myself for leaving her there. I was the reason why it’s happened to her.

“Rhaegar, let’s go at the burial.” It was Theron who tapped my back as I laid on my bed, weak and dead-bit.

Hindi ako umimik. Naramdaman kong maupo pa si Zion sa paanan ng kama at mariin akong tiningnan. Mga nakadamit sila ng itim at handang handa na para pumunta at makipaglibing sa mga De Laughrey.

Aiden’s body got cremated and I haven’t even confirmed that it was her. Kaya hindi ko pa rin lubos na mapaniwalaan ang lahat ng nangyayari. Nanghihina at mabigat man ang pakiramdam ko ay hindi pa rin ako nawawalan ng pag-asa na buhay pa si Aiden.

“Rhaegar, you should go with us-”

“I said I won’t leave my room, Zion!” I firmly said. Narrowed and gravely.

I heard Theron’s sighed beside me.

“Rhaegar…this will be the last day-”

“Fuck you, Theron. There is no last day. It’s not Aiden. It’s not her…and it will never be her.”

Ilang buwan na rin ang lumipas at walang araw na hindi ako dumaan sa tulay na ito. Sa tulay kung saan ko siya unang nahawakan at kung saan ko rin siya huling nasilayan.

Tanaw ang paglubog ng araw habang diretso akong nakatitig sa kawalan. The wind blew as it makes me feel the grief I shouldn’t be felt months ago up until now.

Inabala ko ang sarili sa mga buwan na lumipas na iyon. I hardly tried to divert my attention every time I remember her. Mabilis akong makaramdam ng pagkalungkot at mararamdaman ko nalang na namamanhid na ang aking katawan sa tuwing maiisip ko siya.

I feel so weak but the misery that I was giving to myself was excruciating. I put all the blame on myself. I nagged myself. I fucking hated myself for hurting Aiden that way.

She didn’t deserve it. She didn’t deserve the pain I brought to her. I was the one to blame if why now she’s gone.

Ako dapat ang nawala. Ako dapat ang mas nahirapan at nasaktan ng sobra dahil ako itong masama na sinaktan siya ng lubusan. I deserve the pain and the hatred.

Is it now my punishment? Is it the sentence that god verdict on me? If it’s this, losing her forever, I can’t bear it anymore. It is too much to take.

Gusto kong bumawi kay Aiden. I want to say my sorry to her even it takes me a million of times. I want to be with her. I want her to forgive me despite of my mistakes that I’d did to her. I know it’s too impossible but I still want to try. Because I yearn to be with her. And I will do everything just to fulfill all these long lists I have in my mind to take her back in bliss. To make her back in my arms again.

I gasped heavily as the sun sets beautifully. I believe that this won’t be the end. Like the sun, it might be set now but tomorrow will be the new day for him to rise again.

If I can just turn back the time, hindi ko na sana siya iniwan pa. Hindi na sana ako nagpadala sa sakit na nararamdaman ko na mas lalo ko lang siyang masasaktan. Because she’s right. I made a realization that pain and being hurt are part of the process of love.

She comes up to that realization because all her life she’s having that pain in her. And even how long that process of pain she encountered, she still looked at it as a part of her life. As part of the progress that will make who and what we are today.

If I can just only hold her hand and caressed her face once again, I won’t let her slip from my grip. I would never let myself say to her that I wanted to be free, that she had to loose the grip on me. It was my biggest regret. If I just let her hold me tightly, we won’t end up this way.

Dahil kahit na nakita ko sa kaniyang mga mata ang sakit at bigat ng nararamdaman niya ng gabing ’yon ay alam kong ayaw niya akong pakawalan. She doesn’t want me gone and lose from her hold.

And it breaks my heart that glimpse on her painful image, seeing her that broken and bleeding in so much agony. Masakit at hindi ko rin kakayanin ang makitang nahihirapan na siya sa pagkapit sa lubid. Hands bleeding and wounded.

I bitterly sighed. Because if I just help her hold the string from the very beginning, she won’t be in pain. If I just help her clasp the chain, she won’t loose the tight grip she was trying to endeavor. If I didn’t just loose my grip on it… I would not have lost her.

I maybe have her hands up until now. I may be holding her so close, not loosing the grip we are both tightly holding in love.