Marrying Agustina Del Mundo

This is a work of fiction. The characters, places, events are fictious. Any similarities to a person living or dead, actual events and historical fact is purely coincidental.

Prologue

The fuck? I will marry a transgender? damn it!

Disgusting, I will not find myself marrying someone like him.

Putcha, kahit na lalaki pa din siya tapos pakakasalan ko siya! Kinikilabutan na ako sa lagay na ’to

“By the way, I am Agustina Del Mundo, I will be your wife, Mr. Gomez”

tanginang buhay ’to

Chapter 01

AGUSTINE/AGUSTINA

“Aguuuuu!” Napasarado ako kaagad ng libro’ng binabasa ko ng pumasok ang pinsan ko’ng lalaki na si Cris, kasama ang kapatid niya’ng babae na si Crista.

“What?” Inikot ko ang shivel chair ko para makaharap sa kanila. Nakangiti sila’ng dalawa sa akin. “Bakit kayo nakangiti?”

“You’re getting married, Agu” Crista said smiling and sat on my bed.

I averted my eyes from them and leaned over.

“Then?” I have no desire to say.

“Hindi ka excited? Malay mo naman tanggap ka nong lalaki.” Umupo si Cris sa harapan ko.

“Ako? Matatanggap? Litrato pala’ng halata’ng pandidirihan na ako.” sabi ko na lang at muli’ng binuksan ang libro. Wala na din naman ako’ng magagawa dahil pumayag na talaga sina Daddy sa pagpapakasal ko sa lalaki’ng ’yun.

“Subukan mo na muna, kapag hin-” pinutol ko ang sasabihin ni Cris.

“I’m a transgender and he’s straight and homophobic” kinagat ko ang labi ko. Alam ko na kung ano’ng mangyayari sa amin ng lalaki’ng iyon kapag nagsama na kami’ng dalawa sa iisa’ng bahay.

“Kapag sinaktan ka, edi isumbong mo sa akin.” rebat ni Cris dahilan para batuhin siya ng kapatid niya ng unan sa mukha.

“Jan ka talaga magaling. Puro away nasa isip mo.” sabi sa kanya nito sabay irap sa kanya.

Bumuntong hininga ako saka muling tinignan ang dalawa sa harapan ko.

“Hayaan n’yo na, mukha namang aayaw din talaga ako sa kasal na ’to kung hindi lang talaga ako pinilit nina Mommy…” hinawakan ko ang batok ko.

Alam ko naman na hindi magiging maganda ang relasyon naming dalawa ni David Gomez, he’s straight and playboy hindi na din mawawala sa mukha niya kung kahit ako ay pagtitripan din niya.

“When you get hurt just tell me, I’ll really take care of it.” Cris messed up my long hair.

I smiled bitterly at my thoughts.

I really can’t bring myself back, here I am, transgender and they can’t force me to go back to being a man. Hindi ko na talaga mababago, madami’ng nagsasabing sayang pero para sa akin wala’ng sayang kung sa ano na ako ngayon.

Kahit pa buong ako nagbago, ang lalaki’ng-lalaki noon, ngayon babae’ng-babae naman. Hindi ko na babaguhin pa. Eto na ako. Wala na.

“Anak?” tawag kaagad ni Daddy pagkapasok na pagkapasok ko ng opisina niya. Naroon si Mommy sa kabila’ng table, nagtaas ng tingin sa akin.

“Baby, what do you want?” malambing na sabay na sabi nila’ng dalawa sa akin. Napanguso naman ako at tumigil sa harapan nila’ng dalawa.

Gusto ko talaga’ng ihinto at itigil na nila yung pagpapakasal ko kay David Gomez, hindi ko din magugustuhan kung pareho kami;ng magsasama sa iisa’ng bahay kapag kinasal.

I am not ready yet, I have not been ready for them to marry me.

I want to finish school first.

Hayst

“Mom, Dad. Please, ayoko pa po’ng magpakasal.”

Natahimik sila’ng dalawa sa sinabi ko. Tumigil sila sa laptop at nagtitigan na dalawa. Gusto ko talaga’ng itigil ’to, hindi magiging ayos ang lahat. Hindi’ng-hindi.

“Mom, Dad…”

“Baby, I’m sorry. Nakipagkasundo na kami sa mag-asawa’ng Gomez hindi na namin mababawi iyon ng Mommy mo.” tinignan ko si Dad. “I’m sorry, Anak, hindi naman kasi namin magawa’ng tumangi dahil talaga’ng hirap na hirap na sila kailangan nila ng tulong natin.”

Hindi ko akalain na ako pa madadamay sa kabaitan nina Mommuy ngayon. Wala na talaga ako’ng magagawa kung hindi sumabay na lang sa mga mangyayari.

“Kahit kasal kana, kasama mo pa din kami ng Mommy mo.” tumayo si Daddy at niyakap ako ng mahigpit. Nakangiti lang si Mommy sa amin ni Daddy. “Mahal na mahal kita anak, hayaan mo kapag ayos na lahat pwede na kayo’ng magdivorce ni David.”

Yumakap na lang din ako kay Daddy, wala na talaga ako’ng magagawa. Magpapanggap na alng ako na para’ng wala’ng mangyayari hindi maganda sa buhay ko.

Chapter 02

“Anak,” tumingin ako sa pintuan ng marinig ko ang boses ni Mommy.

Tuluyan ko’ng binaba ang damit na suot ko at humarap sa pintuan. Kay Mommy.

“Po, Mommy?” Tanong ko at nilapitan siya para buksan ng maayos ng pintuan. “Nanjan na po si Daddy?”

“Yes, baby, Nasa baba si Daddy mo. Naghahanda lang siya.”

Tumango ako kay Mommy at suklayan na ang aking buhok. Kahit noon pala’ng ganyan na siya sa akin, palagi niya’ng sinusuklay ang buhok ko.

“Mom….”

“Anak, pasensya na talaga kung kailangan namin to’ng gawin ng daddy mo.” Hinahaplos ang mahaba kung buhok. “Hayaan mo kapag divorce nyo at kapag naging ayos na ang lahat pwede na din kayo’ng maghiwalay.”

Hindi na ako kumibo at tinignan na lang ang itsura ko sa salamin.

Wala na ako’ng magagawa kahit pa magreklamo ako.

I can do nothing more than what they want to happen. I will just support them even if I do not want to get married. Ayun na lang talaga at hindi na ako kikibo.

“The Gomez family is coming, Anak. You will know who you are going to marry”

Yes, it will be my husband…

I tried to smile at Mommy who she wouldn’t worry about anymore. Lumabas na si Mommy dahil tutulungan niya pa si Daddy sa baba. Nagpaalam na din ako sa kanya.

“Hayts….” Nasabi ko na lang habang nakatingin sa mga paa ko, nakayuko at hindi na alam kung ano’ng mararamdaman. “Bahala na….” mahina’ng sabi ko. “Kaya ko naman ’to”

Inayos ko’ng muli ang buhok ko sa huli’ng pakakataon. Dahil bababa na ako. Napatingin ako sa pintuan ng kumatok sa pintuan ng kwarto ko.

“Ma’am, nasa baba nap o ang pamilya Gomez” narinig ko’ng sambit ng butler ni Daddy. Mas lalo’ng dumoble ang kaba ko ng buksan ko na ang pintuan ng kwarto ko. Bumangad sa akin si Joshua, ang butler ni Daddy.

“Jos.” Sumilay kaagad ngiti niya sa akin. “Nasa baba na talaga sila?”

Joshua held my hands. He never lost his smile.

“It’s okay, Agu you have a lot of sympathy.” he caressed my palm. “If you have a problem with him just tell me, what else and I became your bestfriend” binitawan niya ako at binigyan ng daan. “Halika na, bumaba na po tayo.”

Kumapit ako kay Joshua hanggang sa makababakami sa sala. Pagbaba mo kasi ay hapakainan kaagad ang makikita mo roon. Sa kabila’ng banda naman ay ang living room, malawak na living room.

Tumayo kaagad sina Daddy at ang mga magulang ni David Gomez, kung hindi pa siya hinila ng daddy niya patayo ay hindi talaga pa siya tatayo.

“Huwag mo na lang siya’ng pansinin, Agu” bulong ni Joshua sa akin bago siya lumayo sa akin dahil hinawakan na ako ni Daddy, ngumiti ako kaagad sa pamilya Gomez.

“Maganda’ng gabi po” nakangiti’ng batik ko. Hindi ko na pinansin si David Gomez kahit pa nakita ko ang pag-irap niya sa akin, sigurado naman ako’ng sa akin siya umirap.

Alam ko na kaagad.

“Anak, Si Agustina. Ang magiging asawa mo,”

I stopped my lips from moving because of Mrs. Gomez.

Whatever it is, I also need to greet him.

“By the way, I’m Agustina Del Mundo, I will be your wife, Mr. Gomez”

I saw how he  digusted with what I said.

Yeah, I really expect that from him.

“Anak, kinakausap ka ng mapapangasawa mo.” muli’ng nagsalita si Mrs. Gomez halata din sa mukha niya na nahihiya na siya sa amin dahil sa ginagawa ng nag-iisa niya’ng anak.

Ngumiti na lang ako, wala na talaga ako’ng magagawa sa inaasal ng anak niya.

“It’s okay, Mrs. Gomez. Naiintindihan ko naman po.” Tinignan ko sina Mommy na kanina pa nakatingin kay David Gomez at sa akin, kagay ko hindi din nila nagugustuhan ang asta nito sa akin. Umupo na ako at hindi na lang iyon pinansin.

Sina Mommy at ang mag-asawa’ng Gomez lang ang nag-uusap sa hapagkainan, tahimik lang kam ni Dave. Kumakain lang ito at sa platito ang tingin niya.

“Do you still receive letters because of debt?” I looked up when I heard Daddy.

It is true that they are really ready to help this family.

“This is our only replacement, for them to be married.”

My lips moved at what Mr. Gomez.

Why is this the replacement? Wala na sarili’ng napailing ako. Di ko na ’to kakayanin pa.

“Mommy, matatanggap ko pa kung sa babae.” Kumikot ang labi ko sa eksena’ng ginawa ni Dave sa hapagkainan. Hindi na lang ako kumibo dahil kahit ako ay ayaw ko din talaga.

“Mommy, kailangan ba talaga?” ako naman ang nagtanong kay Mommy, napatingin naman sila sa akin lalo na si David. Tinignan ko siy at nagtama ang paningin naming dalawa na kaagad ko ding pinutol.

“Dad, Mom. I don’t want to marry someone like him.”

Yeah, I know. I know, Mr. David Gomez.

“Yeah, hindi na kayo tatangi pa.” si Mr. Rafael Gomez. “Sa ayaw at gusto mo magpapakasal ka sa kanya, kung gusto mo pang maging maayos ang lahat ng ito. Ikaw din naman ang may kasalanan kung bakit bumagsak ang kompanya natin.”

Napalunok ako kaagad, lalo na si David bakas na bakas sa mukha niya ang takot sa kanyang ama.

“Kung hindi ka lang nagdala ng mga gago mo’ng kaibigan hindi sana matatangay ang mga pera natin!” Napagalaw ako sa upuan ko ng bigla ito’ng sumigaw. Galet na galet ang mga mata. “At habang nasa malayo kami ng Mommy sinasayang mo lang ang mga pera natin sa companya!”

Seryoso? Sinayang ang pera nila?

Hindi ko man natanong kila Daddy pero mukha’ng madami nga talaga sila’ng pera sa companya at ngyaon naman ay nawala lang ng ganoon kaagad.

“Rafael, that’s enough” saway ni Daddy at hinawakan sa balikat si Mr. Rafael. Tumahimik kaagad ito pero bakas pa din ang galit sa mukha nito.

Nilingon ko si David, nakayuko na ito. Natatakot pa din ang itsura niya dahil na din sa pagsigaw ng Daddy niya. Hindi na ako umimik, natakot na ako.

Muli’ng nag-usap sina Daddy at ang dalawa’ng mag-asawa. Ang ginawa ko naman ay kumain na lang na.

“Your wedding is in Finland,” my lips twitched to Daddy.

I want to wash my face, why do I still feel stressed.

“And then? Where is their vacation after the wedding?” Mrs. asked. Gomez.

Even if it’s a nice place, it’s not too expensive. Isa’ng lugar lang hindi na masyado’ng maghahanap pa.

Tumingin sa akin si Daddy na para’ng inaalala siya. Tumingin naman ako sa dalawa’ng mag-asawa, ngumiti ako ng ngumti sila sa akin. Mas magaan pa ang pakiramdam ko sa kanila kesa sa anak nila.

Bahagya nang umangat ng tingin si Dave pero ng tinignan niya ako ay inrapan niya ako kaagad. Tinignan ko lang siya, hindi ko na kailangang magreact pa.

“Sa Gerina Province.”

It’s our Grandparents province.

“Ayos ba roon, Daddy?” tanong kay Daddy na siya’ng kinatango niya.

“Pwede’ng-pwede sila roon. Maliwalas at malapit sa dagat.” singit naman ni Mommy at nginitian ako, ngumiti na din ako pabalik.

Kahit paano ay namiss ko na din sa Province nina Lola, mabuti nga ay naabutan ko pa sila ni Lolo. Nawala kasi sila noong elementary pala’ng ako. Nakapunta pa ako sa pribinsya nila’ng dalawa noo’ng bakasyon.

Makakapunta nanaman ako, ngayon hindi ako nag-iisa’ng bumalik ulit roon. Kasama ko na ang asawa ko pagkatapos ng kasal roon.

Madami pa’ng pinag-usapan bago napagdesiyunan ng pamilya’ng Gomez na umuwi na dahil ano oras na din naman at napadami din ang usapan nila tungkol sa kasal namin. Pagod ako’ng tumayo sa harapan ng bintana at tinignan ang pag-alis ng pamilya Gomez.

Natural na nauna na si David sa loob, nag-usap pa sina Daddy bago pumasok ang mag-asawa sa kotse nila at umalis na sa harapan ng bahay.

Hindi na magiging maganda pa.

Chapter 03

“Agu, ano’ng problema?” napatingin ako kay Joshua ng sumilip siya sa akin sa sofa. Aabala din kasi siya sa pagbabasa at mukha’ng napansin ang pagkakatulala ko. Nilingon ko naman siya ng may malungkot na mga mata. “It’s your wedding?”

“Yeah…” hinawakan ko ang buhok ko. “Hindi ko na alam, Jos” nasabi ko na lang saka sumandal sa sofa. Umiling ako ng ilang beses bago ulit nilingon si Jos. Hindi na niya hawak ang libro niya.

“Hindi talaga magiging madali sa’yo na makasama ang lalaki’ng iyon.” Sabi niya. “Kita’ngilita ko naman kagabi kung paano ka niya irapan ng irapan.” Bahagya ako’ng natawa sa pagkakasabi niya no’n.

“Syempre, alam mo naman”

“Sa Province daw nina Lolo at lola ang punta namin pagkatapos ng kasal.” hinimas ko ang palad ko habang nagsasalita. “Namiss ko din roon.”

“Okay na roon para naman hindi kana masyado’ng maistress sa asawa mo kaag nandun kayo.” muli nanaman ako’ng natawa dahil sa boses niya. “Oh diba?”

Napailing na lang ako habang pinipigilan ang tawa ko. Natatawa ako kapag reklamo siya ng reklamo. Hinilig ko ang ulo ko sa sandalan ng sofa, tinignan ko siya ulit at nag-isip nanaman ng mga mangyayari.

“Wala ka ba’ng plano?” tanong niya sa akin kaya napatagilid ang ulo ko sa kanya. Wala na siguro dahil ayoko lang magalit sa akin sina Daddy kapag ginulo ko pa ang plano nila’ng pagpapakasal ko sa anak ng kaibigan nila.

At gusto ko din naman tulungan ang pamilya’ng iyon lalo na kasalanan ni Dvid kung bakit ang dami nila’ng utang sa mga kompanya, malakilaki din ang nawala’ng pera sa kompanya nila dahil sa nag-iisa nila’ng anak. “Gusto kodin naman tulungan din yung mag-asawa, Jos.”

Tumango si Jos sa akin at humawak sa baba niya. Matagal ko na din na naririnig ang mag-asawa’ng iyon sa Mommy at Daddy mo. Pero noong bumisita sila rito doon ko lang sila nakita“

“Mabait naman sila, makakasundo ko sila.”

“Maliban na lang sa anak nila.”

“Oo talaga, aasahan ko na ’yun”

“Hayaan na natin, tanggap ko na.” hinawakan ko ang batok at nili ngon nanaman si Joshua sa kabilang sofa, mukha din naman siya’ng naghihintay ng sasabihin ko nanamna. “SIya nga pala, gusto ko na ikaw ang kasama namin ni David sa Finland maging sa Province.”

Nakita ko pa ang pagkagulat niya sa sinabi ko. Siya naman talaga ang gusto ko na maging bantay namin ni David, lalo na malapit din naman siya sa akin. Sanay na din ako’ng nanjan siya palagi.

“Why? may iba pa naman kayo’ng bodyguard na pwede.”

“Ikaw nga gusto ko, ayaw mo no’ng makakabonding mo ko ulit.”

“Magseselos ang asawa mo niyan.” Tinignan mo at napaka moody papalit-palit ang mood. Natatawa naman siya ngayon, hindi ko alam kung sino’ng mas sabog sa aming dalawa.

Another thing I used to do is Joshua is watching over me whenever I am outside, he has been there ever since. Wala’ng magbabago roon.

I saw his smile cause me to smile too.

“After the wedding, join me for a walk.” he refused to nod.

“Of course when we come home I’m tired again because I carry your groceries.” totoo talaga kapag nashoshopping ako hindi niya hinahayan na magbuhat ako maski isa lang. Napaka gentleman naman kasi nito.

“Di ka pa nasanay, palagi naman ako’ng gano’n kapag namimili ng kung ano-ano.”

I paused a little and stood up, he immediately looked up at me.

Waiting for what I have to say again, always.

“I want to go out, come on, Joshua, let’s go out first.” kumunot ang noo siya sa sinabi ko. Lumapit ako sa kanya at hinila na ang kamay niya para na din tumayo siya. “Naboboring na ako dito sa bahay, please labas na tayo.”

Tamad na tamad niya ako’ng tinignan, bumuntong hininga at nagpahila na patayo.

“Saan naman tayo pupunta?” tanong niya habang nagmamaneho sa tabi ko, ako naman ay nag-iisip kung saan kami pwede magpunta. Wala namang masyado’ng tayo ngayon kaya hindi gaano’ong puno ang mga mall.

“Wait lang.” tumingin ako sa labas ng kotse, hawak ko na ang bag na dadalhin ko at nag-iisip pa din kung saan kami pupunta. “Kahit saang mall na lang, Jos”

When we passed the mall, we were just there. I even waited for Josuhua to come out because he was still tidying up inside.

We were just in the parking lot but I was getting cold right away.

Hindi pa nakakalapit sa akin si Joshua ng may matanaw akong pamiliar na mukha sa tapat ko, sa tapat ko kasi ay puro pader na at wala pa’ng nakapark na mga sasakyan, napabukas ang bibig ko ng makita ko kung sino ’yung lalaki.

The woman he was holding was also holding his chest as they both laughed.

David still looks drunk because his face is red and it is difficult to walk.

“Agu, what is that?”

“David.” I just said and looked at David again.

Case I look back David is leaning against the wall while the woman is kissing him. Napakunot pa ako ng noo dahil yung kamay ng babae ay napasok sa loob ng damit niya.Seryoso? dito sa mall? dito pa talaga?

“Wow, nasa mall pa sila ganyan na.” narinig kong sambit ni Joshua sa tabi ko, hindi ko alam kung anong ginagawa noo’ng babae, para siya’ng may kinakapa sa bulsa ni David.

“Hoy, teka!” iniwan ko na si Joshua sa tabi ko.

“Teka lang, Agu!”

Nilingon ako noo’ng babae, nataranta siya kaagad at binitawan si David “Ano’ng ginagawa mo!” sigaw ko sa kanya, mas binilisan ko pa ang takbo sa pwesto nila.

I even looked at David when he finally fell to the floor because the woman let him go.

“David! David!” I immediately tapped David, I no longer looked at the woman running away from us.

“David” he was asleep, nothing had changed yet he was still blushing and I could smell the beer on him. “Jos!” nilingon ko si Joshua na nakalapit na sa amin. “Patulong naman” natataranta na ako, mas lalo’ng nadadagdagan ang kaba ko para kay David lalo na malalaman ’to ng Daddy niya.

Binuhat ni Joshua si David, sumunod naman ako sa kanila hanggang sa makabalik ng sasakyan. Hindi ko alam kung madidismaya ako o ano, hindi pa natuloy ang pagshoshopping ko ngayon.

“Tangina, dugyot naman ng hayop na ’to.” narinig ko’ng mura ni Joshua pagkatapos niya’ng mailapag si David sa backseat, lumabas siya kaagad sa likod at hinarap ako. “Dapat pinabayaan mo na ’yan eh.”

“Ano ba naman, Jos” tinapik ko na ang likod niya at nilingon ko si David na natutulog sa backseat. “Tara na alis na tayo.” sinarado ko na ang pintuan sa backseat at pumasok sa passenger’s seat.

“Akala ko sa tabi ka pa ni Gomez eh.”

Pinalo ko siya sa likod. “Tara na nga, tawagan ko na lang parents niya.” Tumango siya.

Joshua still complained as David carried behind him when we got home.

“The thickness of the face, I hope you did not help it.”

I opened the door of the house, unfortunately because of what I found in the living room.

“Anak? Si David ’yan?” I immediately felt different when I saw Mr. Gomez’s reaction.

Yes, The four of them are together again. Natahimik kami’ng dalawa ni Joshua ng makita namin ang mga magulang ni David. Ang Mommy naman niya ay kaagad na lumapit sa amin, nag-aalala.

Hindi ko maiwasang hindi mapatingin kay Mr. Gomez habang kinakausap ni Joshua si Mrs. Gomez, alam ko’ng hindi nanaman niya palalagpasin ang ginawa ng anak niya.

“Joshua, sa kwarto mo na lang dalhin si David.” Mukha’ng hindi pa papayag si Joshua dahil mag-aamoy alak ang kwarto ko. Tumango ako sa kanya. “Please? ipapalinis ko na lang ang kwarto ko.”

Umakyat silang tatlo, alala’ng-alala pa din si Mrs. Gomez sa anak niya, habang si Mr. Gomez ay naiinis na sa pwesto niya ngayon, hawak na siya ni Daddy.

Lumapit ako sa kanila. Kinakabahan ako, para namang di ako makakapagsalita nito.

“Ahm…” Hinawakan ko pa ang laylayan ng damit ko. “Sir Gomez…uhh…”

“Hija, pasensya sa–”

“Lasing po siya, may kasama po siya’ng babae kanina sa mall. “ napatigil ako ng titignan ako bigla ng Daddy ni David. “Balak pa po siya’ng nakawakan noong mabuti na lang po pinigilan ko na.” Kinakabahan na talaga ako pakiramdam ko ako pa makakaramdam ng galit ni Mr. Gomez. Iniwas ang tingin sa akin kaya lalo’ng nag-iba ang pakiramdam ko.

Myghad ha, nakakakaba iyon.

I quietly entered the room where David was still sleeping, his Mommy was gone and helping Mommy prepare dinner.

What time is it and how long has David been asleep, until now. Tumayo lang ako sa gilid ng kama habang tinatanaw siya roon. Hindi na siya masyado’ng namumula.

May itsura din pala ito, tinitigan ko siya lalo. Hindi ko naman akalain na mas gwapo pala siya kapag sa malapitan ko makikita.

I still can’t help but be nervous for him especially since his Daddy’s face is very angry. That will make him angry again. Iniwas ko na lang ang tingin ko dahil baka magising at kung ano pa’ng isipin niya sa akin.

“Hmm…”

Napatingin ako ng marinig ko sya’ng umungol. Nakadilat na din ang mga magta at ng magtama ang maningin namin ay kaagad siya’ng bumangon.

“Putcha! ANO’NG GINAWA MO SA AKIN!?” nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa sigaw niya, para’ng akala mo naman may ginawa ako sa kanya.

“Wa–”

“FUCK! bakit iba na ang damit ko?!!”

Malamang pinalitan ka, dzuh

“FUCKSHIT!!!”

Aba, loko lalo ka lang mapapatay ng Daddy mo sa ginagawa mo.

“ANO’NG GINAWA MO SA AKIN?!”

“WALA AKO’NG GINAWA SA’YO, MR. GOMEZ!” sigaw ko din sa kanya pabalik na siya’ng kinatahimik niya. “Wala–”

“David.” natahmik kami pareho ng marinig ang boses na iyon, sa Daddy niya.

Chapter 04

“David”

Napatingin kami’ng dalawa sa pintuan, mas lalo’ng nadagdagan ang kaba ko ng makita ko ang galit na galit na mukha ni Mr. Gomez.

“D-Dad” Pinilit ko na lang ngumiti kahit pa sumulpot na din sina Mommy sa likod, bakas sa mukha nila ang kaba. Si Daddy ay hinawakan sa balikat si Mr. Gomez. “Uh…”

Nakatanga lang ako sa gitna habang nakikiramdam sa Daddy niya, hindi ko na talaga alam kung ano’ng mararamdaman ko. Para’ng ang hirap makakilos.

“Why are you shouting, David?” Malamig na boses ni Mr. Gomez sa kanya.

Hindi na ako nakapagsalita sa tanong ng Daddy niya, alam ko naman kasi kung bakit sumigaw si Daddy habang hawak-hawak ang katawan niya.

Wala ako’ng gagawin sa kanya, wala’ng-wala kaya huwag siya’ng mag-alala.

“U-Uh…”

“Nanaginip po.” Singgit ko na siyang tinatingin nilang lahat sa akin lalo na si David mas lalo pa siya’ng napasinangot sa akin.

Tinignan ko siya at pinandilatan. “Nanaginip po si David kaya siya sumigaw.” Muli kong balingon sa mga matatanda at naglakad na kay Mommy, wala na si Mrs. Gomez sa tabi niya dahil na kay David na ito.

I don’t know my feelings well, nakakasakal ang presensiya ni Mr. Gomez kahit nasa tabi ko na sina Mommy.

“What happen?” Bulong sa akin ni Daddy. “Nanaginip o iba?”

“Iba po…” mahina’ng bulong ko. Ayoko’ng marinig iyon ng pamilya Gomez.

Napatingin ako kay David dahil nagtagal pa ang tingin niya sa akin.

Ako na ang umiwas sa tingin niya, baka irapan nanaman ako.

“Are okay now, Hijo?” Tanong ni Mommy kay David habang kumakain kami’ng lahat sa hapagkainan. Tahimik lang din akong kumakain sa tapat ni David. Magkatapat talaga kami.

“Y-Yes po, Tita” kahit pa nautal siya hindi ko na siya nilingon. Wala ako’ng naririnig kay Tito Rafael.

“Agustina, hija” tinawag na niya ako, sana pala ’di ko na lang inisip. Tumingin ako kay Mr. Rafael, napatingin naman sa akin si David.

“Po? Si—”

“Call me, Tito, Hija” muli ako’ng napalunok sa sinabi niya. Para’ng mas natatakot pa ako sa kanya kesa kay Daddy.

“T-Tito…” nanginginig pa ng bahagya ang labi ko. “bakit po?”

Omyghad talaga, gusto ko na lang lamunin ng upuan.

“Salamat sa pagtulong mo, sa anak namin.” Si Mrs. Gomez ang nagsalita. “Tawagin mo na din ako’ng tita, hija—”

“Bakit, hija? Lala—”

“Kung wala ka’ng sasabihing maganda ’wag kana lang magsalita.”

Napalunok ako dahil binara nanaman ni Mr. Gomez ang anak niya.

David swallowed immediately, he was scared but he said something nonsense.

I just continued my meal because Mrs. Gomez reprimanded her husband in front of us.

“Yeah, whatever. Sakit sa ulo ang anak mo, Amanda.”

Hindi ko na lang pinansin, ayoko lang makita’ng naiirita si Mr. Gomez sa anak niya lalo.

Pagkatapos kumain ay nagpaalam na ako kaagad na aakyat ako, gusto ko na ding magpahinga. Pagkapasok ko sa kwarto ko, naamoy ko kaagad ang magkahalo’ng pabango at alak ni David kanina.

Hindi ako nagandahan sa amoy pero tinatamad ako’ng tumawag ng katulong para maglinis.

“Hayst…bukas ko na lang ’to papapalitan.”

Umupo ako sa kama ko at bumuntong hininga nanaman.

I didn’t do much but my body looks very tired now.

What else am I thinking.

I leaned against the headboard of my bed. I just looked around my room.

What else?

“Why did you help me?” Napabukas ako ng mata ng marinig ko ang boses niya.

Ginalaw ko ang ulo ko at napatingin sa pintuan kung saan siya nakatayo.

He frowned at me.

I was just slightly shaken by what he was expecting again.

“So what? There is nothing wrong with helping you, Mr. Gomez “

Mas lalo siya’ng sumimangot sa sinabi ko, para sa akin wala namang mali sa pagtulong mo sa kanya.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit para’ng ayaw pa niya’ng tulungan ’ko siya.

“Tsk, sana pinabayaan mo na lang ako.”

Tumaas ang kilay ko na siya’ng kinagulat naman niya.

Ha? Pinabayaan? Siya pa to’ng gusto’ng pabayaan mananakawan na nga.

“Kahit magalit kapa jan, wala ka ng magagawa kasi tinulungan na kita.” Malumanay na sabi ko.

“Fuck”

Lutong talaga nito magmura.

“Nandidiri talaga ako.”

“I know…”

“I really don’t want to marry you, man—” I interrupted what he was going to say.

“Even I do not want to marry you.”

“I will never be able to linger with you and marry you.”

I stared at the window in front of me.

I know all, David that’s what you say.

“Hindi’ng-hindi ako mahuhulog sa kagay mo.”

Yeah, I really know.

“Yes, because you’re straight.” Tinitigan ko siya’ng muli. Nakatitig din siya sa akin. “Alam na alam ko kung ano’ng sasabihin mo sa akin, David.”

“I want to rest, You may now leave. Ingat kayo ng parents mo.” Tinignan ko siya dahil nakatayo pa din siya sa pintuan. “Ikaw din, rest well.”

“Tsk”

Napailing na lang ako ng makita ko siya kung paano umalis sa pintuan ng kwarto ko.

Hinawakan ko ang bibig ko dahil sa mga sinabi ni David kanina, na ’di ko na dapat siya tinulungan? Talaga ba?

Bakit ganon siya mag-isip? Tama naman ang ginawa ko.

Kinaumagahan ay nandatnan ko si Daddy sa hapagkainan. Napatingin ako dahil wala si Mommy roon.

“Good morning, Dad”

“Dad, si Mom?” Tanong ko pagkaupo ko sa tabi niya. Hinagkan naman ako ni Daddy bago ako sinagot.

“May meeting, ako naman ay walang trabaho ngayon.” Kumakain ako habang nakikinig sa kanya. “Bukas ay aalis nanaman ako,”

“Daddy, are you okay with pur companies? You need help? My help?” Sunod-sunod na tanong ko.

“Yes, but not now.” Hinaplos ang buhok ko. “You need to graduate first, Anak”

“Pero kung kailangan n’yo po nandito lang ako.”

“Anak, Once all the debts have been paid and we have helped the Gomez family, you can separate from David.” I looked at Daddy for what he said.

I stopped again.

“Have you not paid even a little?” Daddy shaked his head at me.

“Hindi pa eh.” Hinawakan ang baba niya. “Masyadong malaki ang nawala.”

Tumango na lang din ako, sa totoo lang ’di ko alam kung ano’ng sasabihin ko.

“And I know that David is not Rafael’s son.”

Mabilis ako’ng nag-angat ng tingin kay Daddy.

Hindi anak ni Tito Rafael? Bakit?

“Po?”

“May kambal si Rafael, kamukha’ng-kamukha niya iyon….” hinawakan niya ang kamay ko, “Sorry ’di ko dapat sa’yo sinasabi ’to. Hayaan mo na lang.”

Pagkatapos naming mag-agahan ay naiwanan nanaman ako’ng muli sa salas habang nagsasagot ng mga assignments ko.

Nahihirapan pa ako sa iba dahilan para mapatigil ako minsan.

“Hayst…”

Hindi pa din mawala ang sinabi ni Daddy kanina.

Kaya ba mainit ang ulo ni Tito Rafael, hindi lang basta mainit ulo niya, para’ng ayaw niya talaga kay David.

Jusko

Masisiraan na talaga ako ng mabait lalo na kung makakasama ko na si David sa iisa’ng bahay.

Natimik lang ako kakasalita sa aking isip ng may narinig ako’ng nagbukas ng pintuan, may pumasok kaya kaagad ako’ng napatingin sa pintuan. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko ng makita ko na si David iyon, pareho kami’ng nagulat.

Tumayo ako kaagad mula sa pagkakaupo ko sa sahig.

“Uh…ano’ng ginagawa mo…dito?” Tanong ko kaagad sa kanya.

Nakita ko ang pagsimangot niya sa akin. “Saan si Sir Del Mundo?” Tanong niya.

Why? Ano naman kaya’ng kailangan ng isa’ng ’to kay Daddy, tumingin pa ako ng bahagya sa kwarto kung saan si Daddy sa second floor.

“Nasa office niya.” nilingon ko nanaman siya. Nakasimangot at hindi maganda ang itsura sa akin.

“Bakit mo hinahanap?” tanong ko kahit ayaw ko na talaga’ng magsalita sa kanya. Niligpit ko na muna ang mga gamit ko.

He was still standing in front of me, at the door.

“I want to talk to your Daddy first,”

I would have spoken more in case someone already spoke. That was Daddy’s voice. Npatingin ako sa kanya sa bahagdan dahil bumababa na siya. Kasunod si Joshua.

I let Daddy and him face each other in front of me, I just bothered to put away my things. SI Joshua na lang ang kinakausap at tinitignan ko.

“Ano ginagawa n’yo ni Daddy sa office? work nanaman ba?” tanong ko sa kanya. Tumango naman siya pagkatapos niya’ng ngumiti.

“Yes, palagi naman.” ginulo niya kaagad ang buhok ko.

“Ano yan , eh” inayos ko nanaman ang buhok ko “HIrap mag-ayos tapos guguluhin mo lang.” siniko ko siya.

“Anak?” Daddy called me so Joshua and I were stuck arguing on the side.

I saw David’s long gaze frowning again. Iniwas ko na lang ang tingin sa kanya at tinignan si Daddy.

“Bakit po?”

“Gusto ka daw makita ng lolo’t lola ni David.” Salita ni Daddy na siya’ng kinagulat ko naman ng bahagya. Npatingin ako kay David na tinaasan ako ng kilay, muli ako kay David.

“Daddy, I’m going with David but I want to be with Joshua with us” I saw the change in David’s appearance stare and rolled his eyes to me. Tinitigan ako ni Daddy lalo na si Joshua bago siya humarap kay David. Gusto ko talaga’ng kasama si Joshua para kahit paano ay hindi ko palagi’ng nakikita si David na sinusungitan lang ako.

“Papayag ako, kasama si Joshua. Is that okay with you, David?” Tumango kaagad si Daddy kay Daddy, nakkaatamad pero bilang respeto na din kailangan kong sumamam sa kanya at makita ang Lolo’t Lola niya. Kailangan na talaga’ng sumama.

“Mag-aayos lang ako at ihahanda na ang mga gamit ko.” Humalik ako kay Daddy bago ako umakyat sa kwarto ko, ayoko ng matagalan. Magrereklamo nanaman siya sa akin.

The more I think about it as I tidy up my belongings, the more members of Daddy’s family I will meet.

I’m sure I’ll be fine with them, only David won’t. Siya lang talaga ang hindi, alam na alam ko na iyon. Basta hindi ko gagawin din sa kanya lahat ng aggawin niya sa akin na hindi maganda. Wala talaga ako’ng balak na ganon.

I had just finished packing, I was just looking out the window as I was carrying my luggage. Pagkatapos ng pag-iisip ko,  lumakad na lang ako sa pintuan at iyon ay binuksan.

Bumungad sa akin si Joshua na nasa tabi din ang mga gamit niya, ngumiti ako sa kanya at tuluyang sinarado ang pintuan.

“Tara?” tumango ako at hinayaan ko na lang sa kanya ng mga gamit ko dahil ’di siya papayaga na ako pa magdadala.

Naabutan ko si David at Daddy na nakaupo sa sofa, pareho sila’ng tahimik at napatingin naman ako kay David dahil nakatingin siya.

“Anak,” tumayo at lumapit sa akn si Daddy. Yumakap ako sa kanya dahlia ng tagal ko pa ata’ng mananatili kila David.

Kailangan ko na lang palagi na ihanda ang sarili ko, sa lahat, sa lahat ng mangyayari.

Chapter 05

“Are you okay, Agu?” tanong ni Joshua sa harapan, siya kasi ang nagdadrive habang si David naman ay nasa tabi niya.

“Ayo slang, nahihilo lang ako kaunti.” Nakita ko ang pagtingin niya sa review mirror, hindi ko alam kung ano’ng tingin ba ang binibigay niya sa akin.

Mahaba-haba na din ang biyahe naming pero ngayon pa ata ako masusuka na ewan sa nararamdaman ko lalo’t ako lang mag-isa sa likod at mga gamit an gang katabi ko.

I just leaned against the window, I do not want to be more dizzy.

It would be embarrassing if I were still in David’s car to spread my vomit. Mahihilo ako sa sobrang lakas ng aircon ng sasakyan. Hindi na ako makakilos dahil baka mas lalo lang sumakit ang ulo ko.

“Masyado ata’ng malakas ang aircon.” Rinig ko’ng sambit ni Joshua. “Agu—”

“Ako na lang ang maga-adjust sa aircon.” Si David, bahagya akong dumilat.

Umabante si David at sinarado ang ilang aircon na nakatutok sa akin, tinignan niya ako.

“Magjacket kana lang kung nilalamig kapa din.”

“Wait, Agu.” Rinig ko si Joshua, mabuti na lang nakared light dahil tinatanggal niya ang suot niya’ng jacket, pareho kami ni David na nakatingin sa kanya ang pagkakaiba nga lang wala’ng pakielam si David habang tinitignan siya.

“Eto, Agu isuot mo.” Inabot niya sa akin gamit ang isa niya’ng kamay, kaagad ko naman iyon na kinuha dahil baka mag go na at hindi kami kaagad makaandar.

I just put it on and covered my head with a hood, so that it would not be too cold.

Somehow reduce my headache. Bumalik na lang ako sa pagkakasandal ko sa bintana, gusto ko na din naming matulog para mawala na ang sakit ng ulo ko.

Nagising na lang ako ng may nararamadaman kong may tumatapik sa akin.

Hinahawakan pa ang aking kamay.

“Agu, You need to wake up. We’re at his province.” Dumilat ako ng dahan-dahan. Napahawak pa ako sa kamay niya dahil inaantok pa talaga ako.

“Hmm…” sinandal ko ang mukha ko sa balikat niya. “Ah? Ano?”

Pinilit ko na lang naidilat ang mga mata ko kahit hindi ko talaga gusto’ng idilat pa, inaantok pa din ako. Pasalamat na lang ako dahil hindi na masakit ang aking ulo. Hinawakan ako lalo ni Joshua narinig ko pa ang tawa niya sa akin.

“Grabe ka talaga matulog,” ginalaw-galaw ko pa ang ulo ko. Humawak ako saka umayos na. Naiisip ko pa din yung mga lolo’t lola ni David na naghihintay sa akin sa kung saan man sila naroon. Inayos ko na an sarili ko habang hihintay ako ni Joshua makalabas ng kotse.

Hindi din naman masyadong mainit, nalalamigan ako kaya ayos na din sa pakiramdam, baka kapag mainit lalo lang ako’ng makaramdam ng pananakit sa ulo. Si Joshua na ang nagsarado paglabas ko ng kotse.

Mula sa kaharap naming bahay, nakita ko roon ang dalawa’ng matanda na nag-aabang sa akin, nakangiti pa sila.

I was a little embarrassed because it took Joshua so long to wake me up.

I suddenly felt cold in my thoughts.

I saw David talking to a woman on the opposite side. Kahit nakatagilid ay halata’ng halata mo sa babae na maganda ito. Joshua just looked at me and accompanied me as I walked closer to David’s place, especially to his Grandparents.

“Hello po, Good evening po.”  Nagmana ako sa kanila’ng dalawa, nakikita ko sa kanila ’yung saya. Wala pa nga’ng tigil ang mga ngiti nila sa akin. “Pasensya na po, nakatulog po kasi ako sa byahe.” Napakamot ako sa leeg ko.

“Ako nga pala si Lola Natasha mo, at si Lolo Arnaldo.” Muli naman ako’ng ngumiti sa kanila, pinakilala ko din sa kanila si Joshua. Mas lalo naman sila’ng naging masaya rito.

“Ang ganda at gwapo naman aba.” Hinawakan ni Lola si Joshua.

We just had the attention of the two old men, until they entered David could not be separated from the woman he had been talking to.

He looked at me as I entered their house, he made no expression on me but obviously did not like me. Hindi ko na lang iyon pinansin, hindi ko na din inisip kung ano’ng meron sa kanila ni David. Inabala ko na lang.

Tumingin na lang ako sa bahay ng mag-asawa. Kagaya ng bahay namin malaki din ang sa kanila. Mas malawak ang living room, ganon din ang kusina kung nasaan ang ilang mga katulong. May mga nagluluto pa roon.

Umupo kami ni Joshua sa tabi nila David habang ang dalawa’ng mag-asa ay nasa harapan namin nakangiti pa din sila.

“Agustina, hija how are you?” Grandpa Arnaldo asked me. He held his wife’s hand. Napangiti naman ako roon, kanina pa niya din hawak ang asawa niya noong nasa labas kami.

“Ayos naman po, Lolo.” Magalang na sambit ko sa matanda, sumunod naman ay si Lola Natasha.

“Saan ba ulit ang kasal n’yo ng apo namin, hija?” napahiwalay ang dalawa’ng l;abi ko sa tanong n Lola. Naramdaman ko din ang pagtahimik ni David at noong babae niya’ng kausap.

“Po…Sa Finland daw po sabi ni Daddy….”

“Kami din ay makakasama, hija. Naeexcite na ako.”

Napalunok ako ng wala sa oras, hindi ko naman alam kung ano’ng mararamdaman ko sa mga binanngit nilang mag-asawa.

“David,” tawag ni Lolo Arnaldo sa kanya, kakaiba din ang paraan gn pagtawag nito sa kanya’ng apo. Bakit ba ako natatakot sa kanila, una kay Mr. Rafael ngayon naman ay sa lolo ni David.

Minsan iniisip ko na lang talaga kung totoo ba lahat ng sinabi ni Daddy sa akin kanina’ng umaga. Naguguluhan na ako sa mga iniissip ko. Bakit naman kasi ganito.

“Po…Lolo” hindi ko mapigilang hindi tignan si David kahit pa nakaharang si Joshua sa kanya sa gilid ko. Napatingin ako kaagad sa babae, nakahawak siya kay David, sa braso nito.

“Nabayaran n’yo na ba ang ilang utang?” nang marinig koi yon ay nagtinginan kami’ng dalawa ni Joshua.  Alam na alam  kasi naming na sa amin mismo manggagaling ang ilang bayad nila. “Nakakatanggap pa din kayo ng mga utang?”

“Dito ng lola, hanggang ditto nakakatanggap kami.” Nakita ko kung paano mainis si Lolo Arnaldo. Kanina’ng meron kami’ng natanggap may mga tatak pa.“ Alam ko naman kasi ay sigurado naman ako’ng makakapagbayad na din sila Daddy sa utang nila’ng pamilya dahil  pinagkasundo na kami’ng dalawa ni David.

“I don’t know … not anymore–” he interrupted what David was going to say. Narinig ko ang pagsinghap ng lolo niya. Ayan nanaman mukha’ng maiipit nanaman kami ni Joshua rito lalo na ako,

“Some friends who are already asking for a loan are also calling, our company is also very bankrupt.”

“But they can pay–” he slapped the table causing us to jump in shock, his wife immediately stopped him.

“We would not have asked to harm others if it were not for you!” dinuro niya si David. “Nakakaperwisyo lang tayo sa iba alam mo ba ’yun?!”

“Lo–” Grandpa Arnaldo stopped the woman from answering.

“Bakit may alam ka ba?” galet na tanong nito sa babae. Natahimik kaagad ang babae pareho sila’ng napayuko ni David.

“Lo,” napatingin sa akin kaagad sila’ng lahat lalo na si David, hinawakan naman ako kaagad ni Joshua upang pigilan. “Jos, it’s okay, I know what I am going to say.” Bulong ko sa kanya.

“Wiling po kami;ng tumulon. Ang alam ko po ay nabayaran na ang iba. Dahil po siguro sa iba’ng kapartner n’yo ay lalo’ng nadadagdagan.” Malumanay na sabi ko. Pinipigilan pa din ni Lola Natasha si Lolo Arnaldo.

I know they are all angry about what happened, but I don’t want them to always fight as a family whenever I am with them. That’s not good anymore.

I know David is to blame for what happened but it is not like this anymore. They are angry that they are embarrassing David, especially to me.

I still have respect for them, especially David. Tinignan ko si David at nagtama ang paningin naming dalawa. Bago ako mismo ang pumutol.

“I’m sorry if the others have not been paid yet, Daddy is just starting to help you. Don’t be so angry with David anymore.” Nakipagtitigan pa ako kay Lola Arnaldo. Ayoko ko na talaga’ng magtalo pa sla ng magtalo at ibato ng ibato kay David lahat.

Bumuntong hininga ang lolo niya. Nilingon ako at mukhang natauhan pa. Alam ko naman na kahit sino magagalit  pero sawa na ’yung tenga ko sa mga salia nila kay David, ako pa ’yung nagsasawa eh.

Pumasok kami’ng dalawa ni Joshua sa magiging kwarto namin. Dalawa naman ang kama at wala kami’ng magiging problema. Umupo siya sa kama niya sabay higa.

“Grabe ang salita mo kanina sa baba ah. Mabait kana ba niyan?” pinagtawanan ako ni Joshua habang nakahiga na siya at tinitignan ako’ng nag-aayos ng gamit. Tinignan ko naman siya.

“Palagi na kasi sila’ng nagtatalo lalo na kapag kasama nila ako, ayoko naman no’n. Kahit naman alam ko na kasalanan ’yun ni David sobra na kasi nila’ng pinagiinitan iyon.” Nagmake face sa akin si Joshua na para ba’ng mali ’yung ginawa ko. Grabe talaga ’to.

“Hayaan mo na kasi, napapahiya na talaga sa akin si David kahit naman hindi maganda ang pakikitungo niya sa akin kailangan ko ding intindihin ang lahat lalo na sa pamilya niya.”

I know what I am saying and what I did was right.

I need to talk, even though I don’t know others anymore, because I and my family are also affected.

“Del Mundo,” napatingin kami’ng dalawa sa pintuan, si David ang naroon. “Mag-usap tayo.”

Chapter 06

Lumabas ako ng kwarto naming ni Joshua pagkatapos niya’ng umirap ng ilang beses sa akin at kung saan naroon si David kanina. Bumuntong hininga na lang ako ng makita ko si David na nasa malapit sa hagdan kung saan niya ako hinihintay.

“David,” yawag ko na siya’ng kinalingon niya sa akin kaagad. Nakita ko ang iritasyon at galit sa kanya’ng mga mata. Alam ko na kaagad kung ano’ng kinakgagalit niya.

I really can’t figure out what’s wrong with what I’m doing, if he doesn’t get stuck, yes I do.

Every time I was with him, his family always scolded him.

I am also a child and it is not always good that way. Hindi ko na pinansin ang mga timgin niya sa akin. Malayo ang distansya ko sa kanya habang nakatingin sa baba, sa salas.

“Pwede ba’ng huwag ka ng makikielam pa? Bakit ba ang hilig mo’ng makisali?” rinig ko kaagad na reklamo niya, bakas nab akas sa boses niya’ng naiinis siya. Pinagtatanggol ko lang naman siya. Hindi ba malinaw ’yun?

Alam ko naming wala ako’ng karapatan pero may paki din naman ako sa nararamdaman niya kahit siya sa akin ay wala.

I looked at him, his frowning look was still there.

“Why? There’s nothing wrong with what I did, please–” I interrupted what I was going to tell him. Lumapit siya ng bahagya sa akin, galit na galit.

“Damn you, wala ka’ng karapatang makielam sa buhay ko, sa pamilya ko. Tandaan mo ’yan”

He said harshly causing me to feel strange about myself, he said something very strange to me.

I looked up at him. I was surprised when he grabbed my arm and held it tightly.

Sobra’ng sakit ng hawak niya sa akin, para’ng kulang pa sa kanya ang hawak na iyon. Hinigit niya ako at muli’ng pinandilatan.

“You fucking disgusting, never know more — ’

“Fuck you, Gomez!”

I was just surprised when someone pulled David away from me, he let go of me and I still felt pain when he touched me. Nakakasakit mga sinasabi niya sa akin samantalang ako mabuti’ng mabuti sa kanya.

Nakita si Joshua  na muntik ng suntukin si David pero may umawat sa kanila’ng babae, nagtama ang paningin naming dalawa noon. Natauhan ako at mabilis ko’ng hinawakan si Joshua at nilayo sa roon.

“Joshua!” napasigaw ako dahil aamba pa din si Joshua sa kanya, nagtutulakan na sila. Kinabahan ako lalo dahil baka madatnan kami ng mag-asawa at magalit pa sa amin.

“Bakit? Totoo naming pakielamera ’yang malan—”  ’yung babae at masamang tinignan ako.

“Pota, ano?!” balak pa si Joshua na pati ang abbae ay patulan niya.

“Joshua tama na.” awat ko sa kanya. Tininang niya ako ng naiinis alam na alam ko na pati sa akin naiinis na din siya dahil pagtatanggol ko kay David sa pamilya nito. Wala ako’ng magawa kung hindi iyon lang.

“Wala ka’ng karapatan tawaging malandi si Agustina, hindi mo naman alam ang ugali niya.” Tinuro niya ang babae’ng nakahawak kay David pareho sila’ng dalawa na nakasimanngot sa amin ni Joshua. Tinignan ko si David lalo lang nadagdagan ang galit niya sa akin, sa amin.

“Tangina mo, hindi mo nga ipagtanggol ’yang lalaki mo.” Hinila ko na si Joshua para matigil siya lalo kaso nakatingin pa din siya sa dalawa.

“David,” tawag ko kay David na siya’ng kinatingin nila sa akin. Lalo na si David. ’Sorry, I don’t know, but

I still respect you, not as my future husband. I also have no intention of accepting you as my husband. “ nakita ako pagtigil niya pero mas lalo ko ata siya’ng nakitang nagalit. “Dahil nirerepesto pa din kita bilang tao, tuwing nagagalit sila sa’yo di’ba pati ako nadadamay? Pati ang pamilya ko.” Hinawakan ko lalo si Joshua, hindi ko na alam kung ano’ng nararamdaman ko.

“Sige, hindi na mauulit. Kung hindi na madadamay pa ang pamilya ko.” Madilim  ko siya’ng tinignan.

“It’s not funny at all, it’s like it’s our fault that we can’t pay for everything?” I laughed a little. “Stupid isn’t it?” Nathimik sila’ng tatlo sa sinabi ko, tinignan ko din ’yung babae’ng katabi ni David.

“Baka ikaw ang malandi, sarili mo sinasabihan mo” Nakita ko kung paano magbago ang itsura nong babae sa sinabi ko. Mabuti ako’ng tao, ayoko lang ng sinasagad.

“Don’t worry, Gomez this is your stupidity, we will fix it ourselves.” Sacristic smile I made him. I also saw her look like a woman.

I pulled Joshua. “All your debts will be paid and one day you will return them to us.” Nilagpasan na naming sila’ng dalawa at pumasok na kwarto naming dalawa ni Joshua, baka ano pa talaga ang iba’ng masabi ko. Kung hindi lang mabait sila Daddy panigurado hindi din ako naiinis at namomoblema.

Bakit gano’n? kasalanan pa ata namn an madami sila’ng utang at hindi mabayarana ng iba, at si David dahil sa mga kasalanan niya talaga’ng aasa pa siya sa amin porket wiling kami’ng tumulong. Nakakasama naman ng loob. At siya na din ang pinagtatanggol ko nagagalit pa.

I understand, we are young. David is still young so he can really do wrong but I’m not happy anymore, first of all. I also want to help them but not in this way. I hope he also works his way, not the one that doesn’t exist.

Hinawakan ko ang batok ko habang naliligo at nakatapat ako sa shower. Malamig ang panahon lalo’ng naming naramdaman ko ng maligo ako.

Naroon pa din ang init ng ulo ko kahit papaano, hindi basta-basta mawawala iyon. Ayoko na din naming kumaki ang gulo naming apat kanina at makarating pa kila Daddy. Mas nakakahiya sa mga matatanda.

I caressed my body on the water. Gusto ko ng maramdam ng kalma. Hindi ’yung ganito’ng nararamdaman.

I would not be annoyed or what if nothing like that happened.

I don’t care what David said to me, I just do not want to talk about it in the living room. Doon ko lang hindi nagusthan ang mga sinabi nila.

I went out of the bathroom and found Joshua just taking a bath.

“I’m sorry I took so long.” I said as he smiled again.

“That’s okay, I want to take a bath so I can go downstairs.” Umupo siya sa kama niya, nagpupunas din siya ng buhok niya habang tinitignan ako. “Are you okay?” tanong niya sa akin.

Inayos ko na ang sarili ko habang nakaupo sa kama ko. “Yes, sorry din nadamay ka nanaman.” Nilingon ko sya, nakangiti lang siya habang nagpupunas ng buhok niya.

“Sabi ko naman sa’yo kaibigan mo ’ko, palagi kita’ng ipahgtatanggol.”

’I’m so lucky to have you, Josh“ natawa pa ako sa reaskyon niya dahil para siya’ng kinikilig sa sinabi ko. ’Myghad, Josh nababaliw ka.“

’Omy, ang aking heart.“ Tumawa siya ng tumawa habang nakahiga sa kama. Sayang-saya siya sa sinabi ko. Mas lalo lang ako’ng natatawa. “Omy, stay ka lang sa akin. I’ll be good bestfriend for you…”

I smiled at him. “Back then, Josh, you were a very good friend to me, you never left me and you are always here with me.” Nginitian naming ang isa’t-isa. Kahit papaano ay nawala na din ang ilang nararamdaman ko. Nanjan talaga si Joshua kapag kailangan ko at kahit hindi.

“Josh,  may nalalaman kaba kay Daddy kung nababayaran nila ’yung iba’ng utang nila David?”

Tumango siya ng bahagya sa akin, pero nakita ko naman ang simangot niya. “Nalalaman ko pero ’yung iba talaga hindi pa nababayaran dahil sa sobra’ng laki, kahit ang partner ng mag-asawa’ng Gomez ay nawala na din at pinagbabayad na din sila. Ang pera naman sa bangko ay naubos na din nila.”

Oh, so kahit nabayaran na ’yung iba meron ba pa din? Hinawakan ko ang ulo ko. Mas lalo’ng lumaki ang utang dahil sa iabng business partner nila.

“Hayts…”

“Grabe talaga ’yang anak nina Mr and Mrs. Gomez masyado’ng sakit sa ulo pati pamilya n’yo nadadamay.” Nailing na lang ako sa mga iniisip ko. Grabe nga talaga para’ng ako pa naiistress.

“Ma’am, Sir.” Nakabukas lang ang pintuan naming at may kumatok na isa’ng katulong roon. Nakangit siya sa amin. “Kakain na po.” Tumango kami’ng dalawa ni Joshua .

Pagbaba ay nakahain na ang lahat, kami na lang talaga ni Joshua ang wala. Hindi ko na tinignan pa ang dalawa dahil tinawag na kami ng mag-asawa.

Bumati kami’ng dalawa ni Joshua sa kanila at saka umupo sa kabilang upuan kung saan atapat naming ang dalawa. Ngumiti  naman ako kay Lola Natasha dahil kinakausap niya ako.

Inabala ko na lang ang sarili ko sa pagkain, ang sarap ng luto ng mga kasama nila dito sa bahay. Sobra’ng nasasarapan ako at mukha’ng mapapadami nanaman ang kain ko.

I stopped eating when I heard David’s faint sigh in front of me. I looked up.

“Oh, your wedding is coming up.” Grandpa Arnaldo lowered the glass he was holding, David and I looked at each other.

“Hija,” Grandma Natasha called to me. Hindi ko naman alam kung sino’ng titignan ko sa kanila’ng dalawa ni Lola. “Saan ang gaganap wedding photoshoot n’yo?” nanlaki ang mata ko sa tanong ng matanda. Nhindi ko nga iniisip kung ano man ’yang wedding photoshoot na ’yan.

“Uh…” nakita ko ang pag-irap noong babae.

“Leigh, ikakasal na si David, wala ka ba’ng bala—”

“Mahal ko po si David.”

Gumalaw ang panga ko sa mga sinabi. Mahal? Mahal ba talaga siya ni David? Sino’ng babae ba ang kasama nito noong nasa mall?

“Ikakasal na ’yan, huwag mo ng ipilit.” Wala’ng gana’ng sabi ni Lolo Arnaldo. “Mahal kaba ni—”

“Mahal ko siya, Lolo” Nagbago ang itsura ni Lola Natasha sa sinabi ng kanya’ng apo. Pero si Lolo Arnaldo ay wala lang gana tinignan. “Ayoko—’

“Para’ng sinasabi mo’ng ayaw mo’ng ayusin ’to’ng ginawa mo’ng problema?” dagdag pa ng matanda. Nagbaba sa ako ng tingin sa plato ko. Eto nanaman tayo wala nanamang katigilan ’to.

Joshua clung to me and whispered. “There, see if you can feel it again.” walked away and resumed eating even though someone was answering in front of us.

David’s lips and jaw moved.

“Are you annoyed? Are you upset? It’s all your fault. Even other people sympathize with what you did.” her grandfather said nothing again. Sumamngot nanaman si David.

“Bakit kasalan—”

“Hindi lang kompanya natin ang bumagsak, kompanya din ng mga barkada mo.”

Grandma Natasha turned to her grandson, she looked sad.

“Grandson, if you don’t want your Daddy and Grandpa to be angry with you, just follow. “ masuyo’ng sambit nito sa apo at hinawakan ang kamay. “Please, Apo… para hindi kana mahirapan.”

I looked at them both emotionally.

The three of us looked at each other, I just didn’t look at them.

If David doesn’t want to, I don’t want to, I don’t want to get married either. We do not get along.

After eating and after talking at the dinner table I went to the bedroom. Josh even helped Grandpa.

Umupo ako sa kama habang kausap si Daddy sa phone, tahimik lang ako lalo’ng nadagdagan ang iniisip ko.

“Bukas na ang wedding photoshoot ninyo’ng dalawa ni David”

Chapter 07

“Make a pose, please” Nasinghap kami’ng dalawa ni David sa sinabi ng photographer sa harapan naming habang nakatutok ang iba’ng camera.

I was having a hard time with David and I, I had already put my hand on David’s chest. We just follow what the photographers say.

Because even David and I do not know and do not want to do some poses. Nahihirapan a talaga ako sa ginagawa naming ngayon, kahit pa hirap ay pinilit ko na tumingin at ngumiti sa camera.

David is wearing a polo shirt and it is slightly open so that is what I can hold, while I am wearing a white floral dress I just do not like too close to the picture.

After a few smiles and poses David and I let go of him.

We also met the sun. Naiinitan na kami pero malapit sa dagat.

“Grandma and Grandfather are going to wait at home.” Joshua opened as I approached our table. Umupo ako sa harapan niya at ininom ang hinanda’ng juice para sa akin. May ilang pagakin pero wala naman ako’ng gana’ng kumain.

I just nodded at him, he was also busy eating.

He looked at me. “You don’t want to eat?” he asked. Look at the foods that are ready. “You like it all.” Lumingon ako kung nasaan sina David, kasama niya si Leigh rito. Masaya’ng-masaya sila habang kumakain sa kabila’ng table. Mas madami ata sila’ng pinaorder.

The woman looked at me because maybe that’s how long I looked at them.

I just watched until she pulled David and kissed him, the woman’s eyes were still staring at me. Ngumiti na lang din ako, wala naman ako’ng dapat ikagawa ng iba’ng itsura, may relasyon sila at hindi koi yon guguluhin.

’’Stop watching them,“ nilingon ko naman si Josh habang umiinom ako ng juice, ayoko talaga’ng kumain. ’Iisipin ko na talaga’ng nagkaka—“

“Tumigil ka nga, Josh, wala ako’ng gusto.” Nagpatuloy ako sa pag-inom sa malamig na juice. Kahit naman mahangin ay mainit pa din. Nagagandahan naman ako sa klima sa ginagawa lang naming ay hindi.

“Ano’ng susunod?” tanong ko kay Joshua dahil alam niya ang schedule ng photoshoot. Hindi ko talaga tinignan at baka kung ano pa ang makita ko’ng hindi maganda.

“Beach photoshoot? Hindi naman kayo naka swimming attire.” Kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi.

Nanaman?

“Sa Dinning area naman po ang photoshoot, Miss Del Mundo.” Sinngit ng assistant ko. Tinignan ko naman si Mia nakangiti sa akin habang may ilang hawak na papel. Tumango ako sa kanya at bahagya’ng nahiya dahil hindi ko talaga alam kung anong susunod.

“Ano’ng suot?” tanong ni Joshua sa kanya. Tinignan naman niya ito saka nginitian.

“Formal Attire, ’yun po ang nababagay sabi ng stylist.”

Habang nasa Dressing room ako ay ako pa mismo hindi alam ang isusuot o gagawin. Grabe naman kasi wala naman ako’ng mahanap na pwede’ng suotin. Para’ng aayaw pa ang stylist sa pipiliin ko’ng damit.

“Mia, hindi ko alam.” tinakpan ko ang mukha ko habang nakaupo sa upuan. Niyakap ko na lang ang sarili ko habang tinitignan din si Mia.

“Hmm, Miss…what do you want?” She said carefully to me. I just looked at the clothes in the closet but I really had no choice.

“I can you please choose a formal attire for me?”

Lumapit siya sa closet kung saan ang mga damit. Hindi ko talaga alam kung ano’ng pipiliin ko.

She moved everything in the closet.

“I’m not there either - Mister Gomez, you are.” I looked at the door where Mia also looked.

David was there, our eyes met.. Napatingin ako ulit sa mga mata niya. Hindi siya nakasimangot o ano sa akin, tinitignan lang niya ako na para’ng wala lang. Nilingon niya ang damitan bago muli’ng tumingin sa akin.

He’s wearing longsleeve polo on top and High Waisted Trousers. Nakatuck-in ang pantaas niya kaya mas lalo’ng bumagay sa kanya ang suot niya. Pumasok siya ng tuluyan sa loob at kinatingin naman ni Mia sa amin.

“Bakit hindi ka pa nag-aayos?” malamig na tanong nito sa akin.

“Sir, Miss Agustina can’t choose.” Si Mia ang nagsalita sa akin, tumayo ako at hnarap si David na nakatingin pa din sa akin ang lalim ng tingin niya. Tinitingala ko pa siya sa sobra’ng tangkad niya.

Nilingon niya ulit ang damitan, umalis sa harapan ko at naglakad roon. Umalis na si Mia sa gitna para siya naman ang pumunta roon.

He, on the other hand, moved the clothes there, only for women there.

“I will choose what you will wear.”

My lips moved at what he said. why him? Wala naming siyang pakielam sa akin di’ba?

“Magsisimula na sila. Ikaw na lang ang wala kaya pinuntahan na kita.” Sambit pa niya ulit, kinukuha niya ang iba at tinitignan. Wala din siya’ng mapili para sa akin. ’Gusto ko ng matapos kaagad. May pupuntahan pa kami ni Leigh.“

“Gusto ka ding makita ng mga lolo’t lola ko.” Sambit ko. “Huwag sana kayo’ng magtatagal dahil hindi ko alam kung ano’ng ipapaliwanag kapag nagtanong.”

He did not answer, I saw he had a choice.

“Please, wear this Black Tuxedo Sheath Dress.” Humarap siya sa akin at nilahad ang napili niya’ng damit para sa akin. Tinignan ko ’yun, maganda ang napili niya.

Tinignan ko siya’ng muli nang igalaw nanaman niya ang hawak niyang damit.

“Make if fast, Del Mundo.” He said quickly. “Accept this, and wear.”

Tinanggap ko iyon saka siya tinignan na lumakad, aalis na siya?

“I’ll be waiting for you here.” Umupo siya kung saan ako nakaupo kanina, sumandal roon at yamot na tinignan ako. “Bilis na, bilisan mo na.”

Nginitian ako ni Mia at sinamahan sa may cr. Hindi na ako makakapagpalit dito mismo sa labas kung nandito si David.

Nag-ayos ako sa cr, nagustuhan ko ’yung pinili niya sa akin. Tingin ko nga ay bagay na bagay habang nakatingin ako sa salamin.

Inayos ko naman na muna ang buhok ko kahit pa aayusan ako paglabas.

“Ayusan n’yo—” napatigil si David sa pagsasalita ng makita ako’ng lumabas.

Natahimik sila pareho ni Mia at nong ilang make up artist.

I combed my hair, natatabunan nanaman ang mukha ko.

“Sorry, I’m took so long…”

“I look so beautiful, Miss Del Mundo.” Bati sa akin ng mga make up artist.

I turned to David who was still staring at me as if he was not in a bad mood.

“David.” I call him. His neck moved and he slightly avoided.

“What?” he asked frowning.

“Thank you for choosing what to wear. I really don’t have a choice. “

“Mister Gomez, ano’ng masasabi mo sa suot ng iyo’ng mapapangasawa? Bagay ba sa kanya?” Tanong ni Mia.

David looked at him, he avoided it again and frowned at me.

“Bagay sa kanya….” he covered his mouth. “Please, fix it. So that I will not be late for my date. “

Umupo nanaman si David at bahagya’ng ginulo ang buhok. “Damn, please make it fast.”

Hinawakan ko ang buhok ko. Gusto ko din ayusin.

Inayusan ako ng isa’ng make up artist. Siya na ang nag-ayos maski sa mukha ko.

Naging maayos ako habang tinitignan ko ang repleksyon ko sa salamin. Tinitignan ko lang kung paano niya inayos ang buhok ko.I looked good in the mirror, I was even more amazed somehow I got better. Tumili sa akin ang nag-ayos, madami siya’ng binigay na komento.

“Miss, you are beautiful.” Mia peeked at me from the side so I looked at her. Ngumiti ako ng alanganin, nahihiya nanaman ako.

I looked down and then I looked at myself in the mirror.

I’m fine … very well.

“Mister Gomez, what can you say about Miss Del Mundo’s appearance?” napatingin sa sa repleksyon ni David, nakatingin siya sa akin. Hindi ko maintindihan na tingin.

Our eyes met.

“Mister Gomez?” Mia asked David again.

He looked at me again.

I slowly stood up so I could see myself better, whole body. Inayos ko nag suot ko para mas lalo ako’ng maging maayos.

“She’s so…beautiful…” humarap ako sa kanila’ng lahat dahil nagtilian ang ilang mga kasama namin.

“Tapos na ako, thank you po.” pasasalamat ko sa mga nag-ayos sa akin. Sobra’ng nagustuhan ko ang mga ginawa nila sa akin para lang maayusan ako ng todo. Tumingin ako kay David na tahimik lang na nakatingin sa akin. Sabay ko siya’ng nginitian.

“Thank you, ulit.” ilang minuto pagkatapos ko’ng magsalita ay sumimangot nanaman siya.

“Tsk, tara na sa Dinning Area” inayos ang suot niya at lumakad na sa pintuan, kaso bago pa siya makalapit ay may pumasok na isa’ng lalaki. Napatingin ako dahil kagaya ni David nakaayos din ito.

Joshua was the one I saw there, he frowned at David as he opened up to him.

“Where’s Agu?” he asked.

And because I was behind David, I was covered and turned away just so he could see. Kumaway ako sa kanya. Sumilay kaagad ang ngiti sa kanya’ng labi.

“Wow, Agu. Sobra’ng ganda mo!” nilagpasan niya si David at niyakap ako ng mahigpit, halos hindi pa nga ako makahinga sa yakap sa akin. Gigil na siya sa akin. “Omy, nakakaiyak ’yung ganda mo.”

Narinig ko ang ilang tawa ng mga kasama namin sa Dressing Room, kaagad kong kinurot ang pisngi niya dahil lalo’ng niya’ng hinigpitan ang yakap sa akin.I could see David struggling as Joshua and I looked at each other.

“Josh, alis na tayo, Baka malate tayo sa photoshoot.”

“Ow” bumitaw sa akin si Joshua, “I’ll be you es–”

“I am his future husband, So I will be her escort.” natahimik si Joshua nang marinig niya si David, lumingon siya rito at tinignan ito. “Excuse me,” gumilid naman kaagad si Joshua saka inirapan si David.

“Let’s go.” inalay ang kanya’ng braso sa akin.

Chapter 08

Sobra’ng lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko habang nagkakapit kay David at naglalakad na kami sa pasilyo papunta’ng Dinning Area, Sana pala kay Joshua na lang ako sumama kahit pa hindi siya ang mapapangasawa ko.

Mas pinili ko na lang ang maging normal habang hawak siya. Tahimik lang siya habang naglalakad kami. Hindi ko naman magawa’ng lumingon sa likod para tignan si Joshua, for sure magrereklamo si David na magulo ako.

Si David ang nagbukas ng pintuan papasok ng Dining Area habang nakakapit pa din ako sa kanya. Some photographers and staff in the Dinning Area approached me immediately after the two of us entered.

David’s arm tightened slightly at me.

“Agu, the floor is slippery.” I heard Joshua say and I immediately felt him on the other side of me.

“Josh,” the floor really slipped. And I’m also not used to wearing heels.

“Del Mundo.”

“Agu, hold on to me.” I no longer know who I will look at the two of them. Hindi niya pinansin si David, hinawakan ako ni Joshua at pinahawak din ang isa ko’ng kamay sa braso niya bilang alalay sa akin. Sana pala hindi na lang ako nagsuot ng heels, masyado’ng mataas ang napili ko.

Napatingin sa amin sina Mia sa harapan at ang ilang photographers sa amin, kahit ako ay naiilang sa lagay naming tatlo kahit pa kapit ko din si Joshua hindi bumitaw sa akin si David.

“Mr. Gomez and Miss Del Mundo, maupo na po kayo para makapagsimula na po tayo.” Tinignan ko naman si Joshua at dahan-dahan niya ako’ng binitawan.

“Thank you, Josh.” sabay kurot ko sa kanya’ng pisngi kaagad siya’ng ngumiti at tumango sa akin. “Lapitan kita mamaya pagkatapos.”

When Joshua got away I thought David would get away from me too because we had been together for a while. Naglakad din siya kung saan ako uupo. Tinignan ko siya kahit papaano.

“Ipaghihila na kita ng upuan.” Hinila niya ang upuan na nasa tabi na naming dalawa, tinignan ako dahil nakatingin lang ako roon. ’Please, have a sit.“

I just thought he was doing it for the photoshoot.

I can also hear some camera sounds, David and I have definitely got a lot of them.

He walked in front of me and sat there. Some of us are ready to eat.

I don’t feel well anymore. Especially if they are all looking at us. Lalo na si Joshua nakikita ko ang mga nakakaloko niyang ngiti sa akin, alam kong naiinis sia kay David bakit nanaman iba nanaman ang timpla ng mukha niya ngayon.

Mas nakakabaliw pa siya kay David, hindi ko na sila maintindihan.

Even with each shot I could still hear some camera sounds.

David was just quietly drinking juice from his glass. As I continue to be counted on what is happening. Wala lang sa kanya g lahat ng nagyayari.

“Just eat, Del Mundo.” narinig ko’ng bulong ni David. Bahagya siya’ng ngumiti at nakarinig nanaman ako ng tunog ng camera. Oh kita’ng-kita na sa camera na mukha kami’ng magkasundo ni David pa nagpapanggap lang siya.

“Just go with flow,” nagbaba ng tingin at kumain ng pagkain niya, Tama kailangan ko’ng sumabay na lang din para matapos na ito.

“Other pose, please” napatingin kami sa photographer pagtayo naming dalawa, hawak nito ang camera at hinihintay kami. Hindi ko nanaman alam ang gagawin ko, gusto ko na ’to’ng matapos pero wala naman ako’ng magawa.

I was surprised when David approached me, he suddenly smiled at me causing me to look.

“Just smile …” I clung so tightly to his arm as he touched my waist.

Well, oh my nervousness is increasing.

I smiled and stared at him. Stare and smile without hiding.

I also need to make a way to see us better in the photo even though the truth is not. Pagkatapos ng ilang kuha ay masaya’ng-masaya nila’ng tinignan ang mga litrato namin ni David.

Hindi pa din bumibitaw sa akin si David ako lumapit ako sa kanya upang bumulong kaso nakuhaan nanaman kami ng photographer. Myghad ang dami na nila’ng nakukuha sa aming dalawa.

“Let me go–”

“Not now, Del Mundo.” Nagulat ako ng lalo niya ako’ng hinawakan sa baywang at hinapit papalapit sa kanya. Nagkadikit ang katawan naming dalawa. “Let me just from now…”

“Saan ang susunod?” tanong niya sa akin habang naglalakad kami palabas ng Dinning Area kanina pa hinahanap ng tingin ko si Mia at Joshua pero hindi ko sila makita dahil sa ayos namin ni David. Ayaw niya ako’ng bitawan.

“David.” Litanya ko nasa beach na kami at hinihintay kung ano’ng gagawin.

Nasilayan mo na si Joshua, tinitignan ako habang kumakain ng mansanas.

“Come here.” I mouthed to him, kumunot ang noo at umiling. Bakit ayaw niya?

Tinignan ko ang isa sa mga staff, nag-aayos sa unahan. Naglalatag ng sapin.

What? Don’t tell me uupo kami at kung ano nanamang gagawin.

Napapagod na ako, gusto ko na magpahinga.

“Are you tired?” Napansin na ako ni David mula sa pag-iisip ng kung ano-ano. “Ma’am.” Tinawag niya ang photographer sa unahan.

“My Fiancé is tired, Can we rest? Ilan pa ba ang kailangan?” Tanong ni David.

Nahagip ng mata ko si Leigh, nakatingin siya sa aming dalawa ni David lalo na sa akin.

Uhh… I need to let go to David.

I can’t accept this anymore.

Tinanggal ko ang kamay ni David sa baywang ko na siyang kinatingin niya pero hindi ko siya tinignan.

“I want to rest, thank you for today.” Pagod na ako sobra at ayoko’ng gumawa ng gulo. Ayoko’ng magkagulo lang kami ni Leigh dahil kay David. Umalis ako kaagad roon kahit pa hindi pa nakakapagsalita ’yung mga staff at si David.

“Miss Del Mundo, everything is fine” Mia peeked into my room.

“How about the wedding photoshoot, Mi?” I asked back. Sana tapos na masyado’ng madami na ang ginawa namin. Hindi ko na din alam kung ano’ng susunod na gagawin namin ni David.

“Wala na po, tama na daw po ang lahat ng picture ninyo ni Mr. Gomez.”

Tumango ako pagkatapos magsalita ni Mia. ’Mia, pwede ka’ng pumasok at rito sa kwarto ko magpahinga.“ ngumiti siya ng alanganin sa akin. Tumango ako “Sige na.”

Pumasok naman at umupo sa sofa na nasa gilid ko. Sumandal ako sa headboard ng kama habang tinatanaw siya sa sofa. Hiya’ng-hiya ang mukha niya sa akin.

“Mia,” I called, she quickly looked at me. “What can you say about David’s relationship with Leigh?”

The slight smile on her lips disappeared.

“Uhh …”

“They’re a good thing, aren’t they?” I asked him again.

“That’s why you leave Mr. Gomez earlier?” she asked and I Immediately nodded.

“Ayoko ng gulo sa kanila’ng dalawa ni Leigh.” Dagdag ko pa sa kanya. “Halata namang mahal na mahal siya ni Leigh. Ayoko’ng iyo’ng babae niya sa akin.” Aniya ko. Humawak sa buhok ko.

“Kaya ako bumitaw dahil gusto ko din talaga’ng makawala.” Bumuntong hininga ako. “I really don’t want to marry, David.” Nagmumukha na ako’ng bata kay Mia.

“But…” asik niya. “Hindi ko makita kanina kay Mr. Gomez na naiinis siya o ano noo’ng hawak ka niya.”

I looked at Mia for a long time at what she said to me. Really? I don’t care if David is bored or angry.

I do not approach him or anything. No, I do not

“I do not know.” I fixed my hair. “Just go with the flow and let it go.” Tumagilid ang ulo ni Mia sa akin.

“Ilang araw na lang. Magiging mag-asawa na kayo.”  Mahinang sambit niya, “Ma’am, mukha din namang may respeto si Mr. Gomez eh.”

Yes, he has respect and if there are a lot of people he will really do that but if we are two. I don’t know, I’ll just let it go. I still have a lot to think about before David and me.

“Apo!” Sigaw ni Lolo Francis ng makita ako’ng papalapit sa bahay. Nasa likod niya si Lola Laila na nakangiti sa akin. Inaakit ata ako’ng sa kanya mauna lumapit.

Natatawa’ng yumakap ako kay Lolo talaga namang namiss niya ako dahil ayaw ng bumitaw.

He turned to the person next to me. They were the ones talking and I was just looking at the sea. We also traveled a long way to get here, Grandma.

“Apo,” Grandma called to me as we all entered. Nilingon ko siya at malambing na hinawakan sa palad, “kamusta ka naman, Apo?”

“Ayos lang naman po…” magalang na sambit ko at niyakap niya. “Ayos lang din po sila Daddy sa bahay. Nakakapagpahinga din po sila kahit madalas na sa work.” Nilingon ko sina Lolo sa gilid hawak niya kasi sina Joshua at David.

“Lola, Si Mia po pala. Assistant ko.” Pinakilala ko si Mia kay Lola. “Same po sana kami ng kwarto.”

“Oo naman. ’Yung magiging kwarto mo naman ay dalawa ang kama.”

Pagkatapos mag-usap ay ginaya kami nina Lolo sa Dinning Area, ano’ng oras na din naman ay nagugutom na din kami lalo na galing kami’ng byahe at hindi pa nagstopover kanina.

Nasa harapan ko sina David at Joshua, nasa tabi ko naman si Mia at sila Lolo at nasa harapan naming lahat.

“Kamusta nama  ang photoshoot nyo’ng mag-asawa?” Tanong ni Lola dahilan para lingunin namin siya ni David.

I’m the one who’s embarrassed, I’m not okay with the couple’s conversation, especially since David and I are still not married

“Ayos naman po, Lola.”

“Ehem…” mahinang asik ni Mia sa tabi ko.

“Opo, Lola, ayos po ang photoshoot.” Bawi ko. Nagtitigan kami’ng dalawa ni David bago ako ang umiwas. “Kailangan na din po namin ng pahinga.”

Pagkatapos ng usapan ay nauna na aong umakya sa taas, talaga’ng pagod na pagod na ako. Gusto ko na

ding magpahinga at makatulog ng mahaba.

Ilang araw na ako’ng wala’ng tulog dahil sa mga events ng kasal naming dalawa. Pagod na pagod na talaga.

“Del Mundo?” napatingin ako kaagad sa pintuan. Si David ang nakita ko roon. Nakatayo sa gilid ng pintuan habang tinitignan ako. “May I come in?” tanong niya kaagad.

Bakit siya nandito? At ano namang pag-uusapan naming dalawa?

“Hmm…” wala naman ata’ng masama kung papapasukin ko siya dito sa kwarto ko. Wala namang masama. “Why? May sasabihin ka ba?” dagdag ko pa sa kanya. Gusto na talaga’ng magpahinga.

“Magpapaalam sana ako, alis kam ni Leigh bukas.” Tinitigan ko siya. Mukha pa siya’ng inis na ewan habang nakatayo sa harapan ko. Bakit siya nagpapaalam sa akin? Wala naman ako’ng karapatan kung saan siya pupunta at kung ano’ng gagawin niya.

“I am your future husband, I say everything, as if you know where I am going. So that you won’t ask me when I get home. “ Tumingin ako sa mga mata niya. Ano’ng ibig naman niya’ng sabhin.

“It’s all what I want to say.” lumapit siya sa pintuan. “Goodnight, My future wife “

Chapter 09

A few months passed and a few days I was still here. I was still looking at myself.

Never will change while I am here. I can no longer leave, I can no longer escape. Because I’m already here.

“Daughter, so you are so beautiful.” Mommy said happily to me while I was behind and holding me. “I’m sure David will be happy with the way you look.” My jaw moved.

Will David be happy? Maybe now he knows he will be tied to me. Kahit ako pareho kami’ng hindi magugustuhan ang isa’t-isa sa pagsasama. Ngayon ko pa naramdaman ang lahat ng ito kung kailan nandito na ako saka pa ako aayaw.

I forced a smile on Mommy especially when Daddy came in. He immediately smiled at me.

“You are so beautiful, anak.”

Yeah, Daddy I really want to run away and not get married.

I stood up then faced Mommy.

“It looks like we were just with you now with other people.” Napasinghap ako sa sinabi ni Daddy, mukha’ng binibiro pa ako dahil halata niya siguro ang nararamdaman ko at naiisip ko. Ngumiti na lang ako ng todo sa kanila.

“Mare, halika muna.” Tinawag si Mommy ni Tita Corina. Napatingin siya sa akin at ngumiti. Lumabas sila’ng dalawa at kami na lang ni Daddy ang natira dito sa loob.

Tahimik ako, hindi ako nagsalita. Ayoko’ng magsalita dahil baka kung ano lang ang masabi ko.

I really want to say no, while we are not at church. How can I come here to Finland and then I just don’t want to.

I still get cold.

“Anak, I’m sorry. We forced you here.” Daddy held both my hands.

“It’s okay, Daddy. I’m here. David and I are fine so it’s okay.”

I still wonder what David was thinking, if we were just thinking the same thing now.

I hugged Daddy, I still didn’t say anything. I hugged him tightly. Hinahagod naman niya ang likuran ko dahilan para maging emosyonal ako lalo. Wala na talaga.

“Hayaan mo kapag ayos na ang lahat, pwede’ng-pwede na kayo’ng maghiwalay ni David. Kaunti pala’ng ang nababayaran at pati tayo ay nakakatanggap na din ng mga sulat.”

Bumitaw ako kay Daddy at tinignan siya. “Po? nakakatanggap na din tayo, Dad?” Paano’ng kami din? Dahil ba nakapirma din kami kagaya ng pamilya Gomez? O may iba pa’ng dahilan?

“Lalo’ng nagkaroon ng utang ang pamilya Gomez sa iba’t-iba’ng kompanya, lalo sila’ng nangutang.”

What?

“Pero… diba binabayaran n’yo naman? bakit lalo’ng dinadagdagan nila?” hindi ko alam pero mas lalo ako’ng nainis sa sinabi ni Daddy, bakit naman ganon?

“Dad, are you okay with that?” Hinawakan ko ang braso ni Daddy, “Hindi pwede’ng pati tayo po ay madadamay. Tayo na nga ang tumutulong.”

He caressed my hair. “It’s okay, I can handle it kasama ang Mommy mo.”  Niyakap nanaman niya ako’ng muli. “Don’t worry everything will be okay.” He kissed my hair. “I will do everything, promise.”

Hanggang sa makasakay kami papunta sa simbahan dito sa Finland talaga namang hindi mawala sa isip ko ang lahat ng sinabi ni Daddy.

Tinignan ko siya sa harapan, tahimik lang siya’ng nakikipag-usap kay Joshua na nagmamaneho ng kotse.

Hindi din ako sa komportable sa suot ko’ng wedding dress. Ayoko pa din.

“Anak, ayos ka lang ba?” Tanong sa akin ni Mommy habang hawak nag kamay ko. Hawak ko din kasi ang bulaklak na dadalhin ko hanggang altar mamaya.

“Opo…“pareho’ng tumingin sa akin sina Daddy sa review mirror.

Hanggang sa makasakay kami papunta sa simbahan dito sa Finland talaga namang hindi mawala sa isip ko ang lahat ng sinabi ni Daddy.

Tinignan ko siya sa harapan, tahimik lang siya’ng nakikipag-usap kay Joshua na nagmamaneho ng kotse.

Hindi din ako sa komportable sa suot ko’ng wedding dress. Ayoko pa din.

“Anak, ayos ka lang ba?” Tanong sa akin ni Mommy habang hawak nag kamay ko. Hawak ko din kasi ang bulaklak na dadalhin ko hanggang altar mamaya.

“Opo…“pareho’ng tumingin sa akin sina Daddy sa review mirror.

I was disgusted to look out the window. I still can’t cope with everything I heard before.

If the debt is large? why do they need to add more? Isn’t it enough that we volunteer to help?

I noticed, it has been a long time but I am not just talking, it is exacerbating their debt.

Why?

Para ano? Mahirapan kami lalo? Ano pa ba?

Gusto ko’ng magtanong kay David kung may nalalaman ba siya o wala?

“You may now kiss the bride.” Nagtitigan kami’ng dalawa ni David.

I could still see his disgust with me, and I was even considered ignorant.

“Kiss …” the Priest whispered.

I could have done nothing but approach David and kiss him wherever he would be even more disgusted with me.

Pagkatapos ng kasal pumunta naman kami kaagad sa mansion. Pasalamat na lang talaga at may matutuluyan kami rito.

Sobra’ng dami ng bisita at hindi na ako magkanda mayaw kung sino ang kakausapin ko. Ang dami at mga bumabati ay halos mga kasi’ng edad nina Mommy.

Cristal even offered me a wine, she approached me and held me.

“Are you okay?” She asked. I touched her hair. “Are you tired?” She added.

I nodded at her. Lalo siya’ng kumapit sa akin. “Where’s your brother?” Tanong ko.

“Dun.” Maikling sabi niya at tumuro sa pwesto kung nasaan ang grupo ng mga kalalakihan. Una’ng nakuha ng tingin ko si David. May hawak na baso ng alak at nakikipagtawanan sa mga lalaki. Katawanan niya din si Cris.

“Oh, nakikipagtawanan siya.” Bulong ni Cristal sa akin. “Akala ko hindi niya makakasundo ’yan.”

Bumalik kami sa pwesto kung saan din kasama namin ang iba pa naming pinsan na babae.

“Oh, nandito na ang pinsan nating gwapo ang napangasawa.” Kumapit sa akin si Abby.

“Gwapo na sa’yo ’yun?” Tanong sa kanya ni Valerie.

“Ows,” singgit ni Maya. “Grabe. Kumain na lang tayo.”

Umupo ako sa tabi ni Valerie, humalik ito sa pisngi ko at nginitian ako. “May asawa kana, ano’ng plano?”

Ngumuso ako. “Tutulong na siguro ako sa kompanya.” Umupo naman din sa tabi ko si Cristal.

“Woh!” Narinig ko ang ilang sigawan nina Cris sa malayo. Nagkakagulo sila at nagtatawanan.

“What? Siguro may chix sila’ng nakita.” Singgit ni Abby.

“Hey…”

Napatingin ako sa lalaki’ng tumawag sa akin habang nasa labas ako ng mansion.

“Uhh…” Pareho sila ni Daddy na naka gray tuxedo. Ngumiti ako sa kanya. Hindi ko talaga siya kilala.

Kasi’ng edad lang siya ni David at Joshua.

“Ow, by the way, I’m Travis Alfonso.” Naglahad siya ng kamay sa akin. “I know who you are.”

Tinanggap ko ang kamay niya. “I’m sorry, Don’t know who are you…”

“Pasensya na.” Bawi niya at nakipagshake hands.

“Sorry, ’di kita kilala. I’m Agustina by the way.”

“Yes, I know you.”

Bumitaw kami sa isa’t-isa at muli nanaman ako’ng tumingin sa kapaligiran. Halos ang lamig-lamig pa din.

Napayakap ako sa sarili ko. Hindi ko nadala ang jacket ko.

“Here.” Nagulat na lang ako ng ipatong ni Travis ang coat niya sa akin. Humarap ako para sana umangal pa kaso. “It’s okay, hindi naman ako nalalamigan.”

“Uh…Thank you…” humawak ako sa coat niya. Mas lalo ko’ng pinulupot sa katawan ko. “Naiwan ko kasi jacket ko.”

He smiled at me then looked at the galaxy. The galaxy is beautiful. Especially at night when the moon is beautiful.

We did not speak the same, we did not say anything. It is still wrong for me that I do not know him but he knows me.

“Agustina.” I turned to him immediately and smiled. “Are you okay with David Gomez?” he asked.

“Hmm…” tango ko sa kanya. “Ayos naman ako.”

He did not speak again. I am ashamed of his smiles because the way he look to me he’s lookig me like a real woman.

I looked down. I’m too embarrassed. I tightened my grip on his coat.

“Do not be ashamed of me. I really feel so good about you. “

Uh … Does he feel good about me?

“I know what are you thinking, Miss Del Mundo.” Pati ang pagsasalita niya talaga namang dahan-dahan at maingat.

“Huwag ka’ng mahiya, ako dapat ang mahiya sa’yo.”

Mabilis ako’ng umiling kinabahan naman ako kaagad sa kanya.

“Naku, hindi, hindi ah!”

Natahimik ako ng makita ko siyang tumawa at marinig iyon.

“Hah, It’s okay.”

Lalaki’ng-lalaki siya talaga. Wala ako’ng halos maiiano sa itsura niya dahil perpekto’ng-perpekto na siya.

“It’s more getting cold. I will escort you to go back.”

“T-Thank you…”

Pinauna niya ako’ng maglakad papasok sa mansyon. Naroon pa din ang mga tao, mas sila pa ang nagkakasiyahan kesa sa akin.

Pagpasok ay bumungad sa akin si David at Joshua na nagsisigawan sa harapan.

“David! Ano ba? Ang dami mo’ng ininom!” Lumapit na din si Mrs. Gomez sa kanya.

“Lasing na siya.” Singgit ni Cristal na kapit din si Cris dahil lasing na din.

“Your husband is really drunk, Miss Del Mundo.” Travis said to my side. He is also looking at the guests. “Almost all of them are drun—”

“Hey you!” Napatingin ako kay David ng sumigaw siya. Dahilan para maagaw talaga kami ng atensyon. Tinulak niya si Joshua at papilay-pilay naglakad sa akin.

“Stay away from my wife!”

“David.” Hinawakan ko siya sa kamay. Kakakasal lang namin ayoko’ng may hindi nanaman maganda’ng mangyari. “David lasi—”

“Bakit kasama mo ang lalaki’ng iyon? Wah…arg…” humawak siya sa ulo niya.

“David, Iuuwi na kita.” Naramdaman ko ang kanya’ng bigat. Sobra’ng amoy alak na siya.

““Never come near to my wife!” he pointed at Travis as his face flushed. Drunk

Ngumiti lang si Travis sa kanya.

“She’s mine!”

Chapter 10

“David.” imayos ko ang kanya’ng ulo dahil nahuhulog na sa balikat ko. Naamoy ko pa din ang alak sa kanya at hindi ko gusto ang mga sinasabi. Wala ako’ng maintindihan.

“David.” Mabuti na lang at maayos na siya’ng nakahilig sa balikat ko. Naiilang naman din kasi ako dahil nakahawak siya sa kamay ko ng mahigpit. “David, umayos ka lang sa balikat ko at matulog kana.”

Gumagalaw-galaw lang ang kanya’ng ulo sa akin.

“Myghad, so gross….” litanya ni Joshua habang nagdadrive siguro ay naamoy niya ang alak lalo’t inakay niya si David kanina. Kahit naman ako ay hindi maganda ang naamoy. Kakaiba’ng alak nanaman siguro ang naihanda kanina.

“Sila Daddy?” tanong ko kay Joshuaa dahil siya naman ang nakakita kanina habang nasa labas ako kausap si Travis.

Travis…

Kahit ngayo’ng gabi ko lang siya nakilala, alam ko’ng mabuti siya’ng tao at makakasundo ko pa siya sa lagay na iyon. He’s so gentleman. I really like his attitude.

“Si Alfonso ang kasama mo kanina, Agu.” sambit ni Cristal habang niyayakap din si Abby dahil lasing na din ito sa tabi niya. Mas lalo ata sila’ng nahihilo dahil sa lubak-lubak na dinadaanan ng kotse’ng sinasakyan namin.

I looked at him by my side because we were both close.

“Hmm … I was even embarrassed because he knew me and then I didn’t know him.”

“Uhh … Leigh …” we all fell silent inside the car when we heard David’s voice.

I bent down to look at him.

“Leigh …” inayos ko ang ulo niya sa balikat ko dahil mahuhulg nanaman.

Sigurado naman ako’ng namimiss na niya si Leigh, si Leigh na dapat ay siya’ng pakakasalan niya pero hindi. Dahil ako mismo ang naging nadahilan kung bakit ’di nangyari. Inayos ko na lang si David sa balikat ko at tumahimik na lang din.

“Tangina’ng ’yan, pa she’s mine she’s mine pa kanina tapos si Leigh naman ngayon ang binabanggit” mura ni Joshua sa harapan kaya natawa si Valerie sa passenger’s seat. “Nakakagago naman ’yan.”

“hayaan… mo…na..” putol-putol na litanya ni Valerie dahil lasing din ito. Napatingin na lang ako sa harapan. Nilalamig na din ako lalo. “Lasi–hik…sing…si–hik…David.” si Cristal naman ay tinignan si Valerie. ’Di makapaniwala.

“Just sleep at home first.” I said. “I don’t have anyone with me either.”

“David is with you.” Cristal whispered to me. “Can’t you sleep in your room?” Tinignan din ako ni Joshua na para’ng may gusto pa’ng sabihin.

“I’ll just sleep on the sofa.” I turned to David as I slept soundly on my shoulder. “I’m wondering who can change his clothes.”

Joshua raised an eyebrow to the front.

“Don’t, I won’t do that to your husband, I might choke him.”

We stopped in front of the mansion. I don’t really know why in the mansion we went to we just didn’t sleep there.

“I know you won’t.”

I went out, David and I went out first as I supported him.

“David …” I was already holding his stomach because he was really heavy.

“Uh … hmm …” he just closed his eyes. “mhh …” dahan-dahan kami’ng naglakad habang inaalalayan siya. Ang bigat niya parang kulang na lang pati ako matumba.

“Valerie!” napatingin ako sa gilid malapit sa garden, naroon sina Cristal at Valerie. Si Valerie ang nagsusuka roon habang nakakapit kay Cristal, Si Abby naman ay hawak na ni Joshua. Napatingin na lang ako kay David dahil kahit papaano ay naglalakad siya ng maayos.

Binuksan ko ang bahay at nauna ng pumasok. “David.” lalo’ng bumigat si David ng malapit na kami sa kwarto sa baba. Dito na lang dahil hindi ko na din maiaakyat pa sa taas. Hiniga ko siya sa kama pagkapasok naming dalawa.

“hayst…”

I looked at David lying down, his face flushed. I can no longer continue what else he might look like.

He lifted his clothes causing me to look away.

Maybe I’ll just dress David, he can’t help it because he will smell more wine. Lumabas muna ako ng kwarto naming dalawa at tignan kung naroon na ang ilang mga kasama ko. Sa sala ay nakita ko sila’ng lima roon. Kalalapag lang ni Cristal kay Abby sa sofa.

“Palitan mo na lang sila, Crissy.” lumapit ako at hinawakan si Valerie. Nilingon ko naman si Joshua. “Joshua, iakyat mo na lang si Valerie. Sunod na sila.” tinuro sina Abby.

“Sige, ikaw na ba mag-aasikaso sa asawa mo?”

“Ikaw na kaya.”

“Dzuh, kadiri ang kapal ng mukha niya.” binuhat niya si Valerie at umakyat na. Umupo na lang muna ako sa sofa dahil wala pang kasama si Cristal.

We were both quiet because maybe we were tired earlier. Even though I was even more tired of carrying David than earlier at the party.

I leaned on the sofa then turned slightly to Cristal, she was looking at the ring she was wearing.

“There is a problem?” I immediately asked her. Nilingon naman niya ako ng may ngiti sa labi o sabihin nating pilit na ngiti lang iyon. Hinarap ko talaga siya.

“Sabihin mo sa akin.” ngumiti ako ng bahagya sa kanya.

Nagbaba siya ng tingin dahilan para tignan ko na lang siya. Ang lungkot ng mga mata niya lalo na noo’ng tumingin siya sa akin.

“It’s hard to fall in love with someone who is just a friend. My eyes widened slightly, She’s in love with someone?

I did not speak and waited for him to add.

“I’m in love for 4 years … until now..” she caressed the ring. May mapait pa din na ngiti sa kanya’ng labi. Hindi ko naman maiwasang hindi din malungkot sa kanya.

“Uh … did he give you that ring?”

Muli’ng nawala ang ngiti sa kanya’ng labi. Inabot ko siya at hinawakan ang kanya’ng kamay nang sobra’ng higpit. Kahit naman sinabi niya alam ko’ng hindi pa din sapat ang lahat ng iyon dahil nasasaktan pa din siya.

“Agu…you know…I miss her …”

Her? Does she love women? Women

She looked up at me. I could clearly see the pain and sadness in her eyes.

“She left me … she left me without knowing what I was feeling for … her..” My jaw moved while I’m looking at her. Nalulungkot din ako kasi  malungkot siya.

“Okay na si Valerieeee!” tumatakbo si Joshua na lumapit sa amin kaya napatingin na ako sa kanya. Inayos kaagad ni Cristal ang itsura niya at hinawakan na asi Abby para makaakyat na diin sila. “Agu, asikasuhin mo na ’yung asawa mo. Aakyat na kami ni Cristal.”

I ignored Joshua who said a lot. I still look at Cristal. She was already standing while supporting Abby.

“Crystal.” I called for a reason for Joshua to be quiet and Cristal turned to me,

I approached her  and touched her shoulder. Napatingin siya sa akin habang magkaharap ang mukha naming dalawa

“It’s okay … I’m only here when you need me. Next time let me know his name.”

I kissed her cheek and walked away from her. “Have a goodnight, Cristal.” I smiled then nodded at her. “Take a rest…” Hinila ko na si Joshua para sumunod na sa kanya paakyat, iintindihin ko pa din si David na iniwan ko sa kwarto.

I just nodded to Joshua because he still seemed to want to carry me even though he was from Cris. Tinaboy ko na muna siya at inaakyat na lahat kami ay dapat na magpahinga. Madaling araw na at mas lalo’ng lumalamig.

Napayakap ako sa sarili ko habang papasok sa kwarto naming dalawa ni David,nadatnan ko siya na ganoon pa din ang ayos pero naririnig ko siya’ng nagsalita. Lumapit ako sa kanya uoang tignan siya.  Hindi ko na talaga gusto ang amoy niya.

“Don’t.. leave… me …” he said intermittently. Gumalaw siya na siya’ng kinagulat ko dahil bigla’ng bumangon at niyakap ang baywang ko dahilan para kabahan ako. Baka naman itulak niya ako.

What is his dream and that is what he says.

“I’ll.. be… good” sambit niya habang nakasubsob sa tiyan ko. Maghigpit ako’ng niyayakap. Napalunok na lang ako sa posisyon anming dalawa.

Masyado ako’ng madami’ng naiisip kung hindi ko pa siya ilalayo sa akin, hinawakan ko ang balikat niya at pilit na nilayo sa akin upang hindi na niya ako yakapin.

“Hmm…no…d-do n’t l-leave…me…Agustina…”

I was silent at the last name he said. I look down at him. My eyes widened when I saw him crying in my stomach.

What is this

He kept crying as he hugged me tightly.

He was just dreaming so he could even say my name or he was just drunk.

“David …” I forced him away from me. “David, I’ll dress you.” Pinilit ko pa din dahil hindi na din ako makahinga sa  mga yakap niya ayaw niya ako’ng bitawan, ayaw niya;ng bumitaw sa akin kahit tinutulak ko na siya palayo sa akin.

“Please….I-I know….I-It’s my f-fault…B-But…I love you…”

He buried his face in my chest. The hug was very tight and he hugged me even more.

“I love you … please believe me … wifey…”

What are you saying, David?

“I love you … please … don’t leave me … stay with … me” Lalo’ng naging mabigat ang paghinga ko sa mga sinabi niya. Kahit naman wala ako’ng ano pangalan ko pa din ang sinabi niya kaya kahit papaano ’di ko mapigilan ang mag-isip ng kung ano-ano.

You’re just dreaming, David. Maybe the person in your dream is really different but Leigh can’t change for you.

I hope you do not remember everything when you wake up.

Because I know you just hate it especially because you mention my name.

Chapter 11

“Shit! Shit!” Nagising ako kaagad mula sa sigaw na naririnig ko. Inalis ko ang palad ko sa mata ko at tinignan ang paligid.

Umaga na pala, napatulog ako kaagad kagabi pagkatapos ko’ng bihisan si David at sa mga narinig ko sa kanya.

“Tangina, sino’ng nagpalit sa akin?!” luminga ako sa kama kung saan naririnig ko si David na sumisigaw.

“Tangina naman ang aga-aga ang ingay!” nabosesan ko si Joshua na nagsisisigaw din sa labas ng kwarto, natahimik si David at nakasimangot sa akin kulang na lang patayin ako sa tingin. Hindi ko iyon pinansin dahil masakit ang ulo ko.

“David, ang aga-aga.” wala’ng gana’ng sambit ko sa kanya. Naririninig ko ang katok nina Cristal sa pintuan ng kwarto namin. “Nakakaabala ka.” natahimik siya at napatingin sa akin.

I grabbed my head and stood up to open the door because Cristal had been knocking before.

“And one more thing, I changed you. You’ll just smell more wine. I just replaced your polo with you.” umiling na lang ako sa sakit ng ulo ko. It’s really hurt. Lalo lang kumikirot. Lumapit ako sa pintuan at binuksan iyon, bumungad sa akin sina Cristal at Joshua na magulo ang ayos.

Cristal approached to me, hinawakan ako at tumingin ako sa kanya.

“Ano ba’ng sinisigaw niya’ng asawa mo?” inis na tanong ni Joshua saka sumilip sa loob ng kwarto. Napahawak na din naman ako kay Cristal sa sakit ng ulo ko. Kulang na ata ako sa tulog.

“Why?” hinawakan ni Cristal ang mukha ko. “Not feeling well, Agu?” Dahan-dahan ako’ng tumango sa kanya at yumakap. Kapag pa naman masakit ang ulo ko mas lalo’ng bumibigat din ang pakiramdam ko.

“Ikaw, bakit ka sigaw ng sigaw? Para ka namang tanga!” sigaw ni Joshua at pumasok sa loob kaya napabitaw ako kay Cristal.

“Pota naman, nagulat ako iba na damit ko!” sigaw din ni David pabalik sa kanya, pumasok ako kaagad naabutan ko silang naghihigitan sila ng damit.

“Palagi ka namang ganyan parang tanga mawawalan kaba ng virginity kung papalitan ka ng damit? Gago!” hinawakan ko si Joshua at napatingin siya sa akin. “Bitawan mo ko, Agu dapat tinuturuan ’to ng eleksyon!”

“Tangina, bitawan mo ko!” pilit na tinutulak ni David si Joshua pero hindi ito bumibitaw sa damit niya.

“David, Joshua pwede ba’ng tama na?” malumanay na sambit ko sa kanila’ng dalawa.

They still haven’t let go of each other, they are hurting almost as much as Cristal is already joining me in the separation.

I was especially touched by my head because of the pain. I shook a few times.

“Wait, let me go!” David shouted I looked at him. Lalo’ng nagdidilim ang paningin ko sa ginagawa nila’ng dalawa.

Tinulak niya si Joshua  palayo sa kanya at dali-dali’ng lumapit sa akin. Hindi ko maintindihan ang mga tingin niya sa akin. Kung nag-aalala ba siya o ano.

Hinawakan niya ang siko ko at tinitgnan ako. “Are you okay? What’s about your feelings?” Napalunok ako kaagad, hindi pwede. bigla’ng bumils ang tibok ng puso ko habang malapit siya.

My heart was beating so fast, I think I knew he was already hearing that. That’s weird, I don’t like it.

“Agustina, Are you okay?” I stared into his eyes. He is already calling me by my name.

“I’ll take care of Agu–” Joshua was about to snatch me from him but he didn’t give up. Lalo niya ako’ng hinawakan, hawak na hindi ko masasaktan.

“She’s my wife!” tinulak niya si Joshua palayo sa akin kaya napagalaw ako ng wala sa oras. “I’LL TAKE CARE OF MY WIFE!”

“Shit” rinig ko’ng mura ni Cristal sa likod ni Joshua na inaawat niya din ito. HInawakan ko na si David humarang ako sa kanila’ng dalawa ni Joshua, ngumiti si Joshua na para’ng may gusto pa’ng sabihin sa kanya.

Joshua, what’s that?

“Are you jelous?” mapanukso niyang tanong ditto. Hindi ko alam kung matatawa ako sa itsura ni Joshua o ano. Gusto’ng-gusto niya’ng naiinis sa kanya si David. Pareho lang naman sila’ng naiinis sa isa’t-isa.

“Agu, I’ll —” David smiled slightly at me but …Suddenly my vision darkened, I no longer knew everything. I saw them talking to David but I did not hear anything.

“Are you sure, that I’m really In love with you?” I lost my smile and looked at David in front of me, I could not control how I felt.

What is he saying?

“W-What? I thought you loved —”

“You just thought that, Del Mundo.” Tinungkod niya ang dalawa niya’ng kamay sa magkabilang gilid ko. Nginitian ako, ngiti’ng pina[akita’ng talo ako sa aming dalawa. At siya ang nagwagi.

“What are you saying, David?” Sobra’ng kirot ng pakiramdam k, bakit ganito? Gusto ko lang naman mahalin niya ako ng tama, ng totoo, ng tapat. Bakit ganito ibibigay niya sa akin? Ginawa ko naman ang lahat. “David, ginawa ko naman lahat para hindi ka amging ganyan sa akin, binigay ko sa’yo lahat. Minahal kita ng totoo.” Unti-unti’ng nagsibagsakan ang mga luha ko habang tinitignan siya. Pero siya wala lang.

“Ow, sorry, It’s your fault to trust me.”

Isn’t everything enough? Aren’t the things I did right? He and I are the only ones I want why he will give like this.Wala ako’ng magawa kung hindi tignan ang mga tawa at marinig ang mga salita niya’ng masasakit.

“I’m playing you with you….And now…you lose.”

I covered my face while crying. It’s hurt, It’s really hurt.

I never thought we would get to this point, to the point that I was the only one who loved the two of us.

I’m the only one, I’m the only one who is serious and he is not.

“Leigh, she’s the only one I want … not you …”

Get away from me and look at me seriously. Why are you doing this, David? Why?

“You’re disgusting”

“Agustina!” nagising ako ng may tumatapik sa opisngi ko, bumungad sa akin si David na puno’ng-puno ng psg-aalala ang mukha habang tinitignan ako. “Bumangon ka, please umiiyak ka…” Nakahawak siya sa braso at tagiliran ko.

I felt like I was crying when he helped me get up.

“You’re dreaming …” He took a towel and wiped my face.

Why? Why am I feeling this way? I did not feel anything for David but I was affected by my dream? Why?

“How’s your feelings?Masakit pa ba ang ulo mo?” Nagbaba ako ng tingin para hindi ko na siya makita pa. Masyado ako’ng mabilis, masyado ako’ng mabilis makaramdam ng hindi maganda. “Agu—”

“Call me by my surname,” natahimik siya sa sinabi ko. Hindi ko din ’to gusto pero nag-iiba ang pakiramdam ko, hindi ko gusto. Wala naman pero gumagawa na ako kaagad ng hakbang.

“Why …” he seemed to want to add something else, I took the towel myself and wiped my face. “What’s the problem?” Lalo’ng bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko ng malipat ang kamay niya magkabila’ng gilid ng hita ko. “Why are you—”

“Gomez, I’m okay.” Sumandal ako sa headboard ng kama. “Can you please distance yourself to me?” malumanay na sabi ko. Pero hindi siya nakinig, hindi siya lumayo. Nakatingin lang siya sa akin.

“Are you mad? Why?” I’m not.

“No, please distance to me, Mandidiri ka nanaman.” Kumunot ang noo sabay ng pagbaba ng itsura niya. Gustuhin ko mangpansinin iyon, hindi na lang sigurado ako’ng pati siya naweweirduhan na din sa kinikilos niya sa akin.

Umayos siya ng upo saka sumandal sa upuan kung nasaan siya. “Are you okay now?” tanong nanaman niya sa akin. Bakit ba siya tanong ng tanong? At kalian pa siya nagkaroon ng alala sa akin. Nakakahimala nanaman.

“Yeah…”

Hindi natanggal ang tingin niya sa akin. Mas lalo ako’ng naiinis hindi ko talaga alam kung bakit apektado’ng- apektado ako sa panaginip ko at sa nararamdaman ko. “What’s your problem?”

“Wala ako’ng problema, tigilan mo na kakatanong.”  Tinulak niya si Joshua  palayo sa kanya at dali-dali’ng lumapit sa akin. Hindi ko maintindihan ang mga tingin niya sa akin. Kung nag-aalala ba siya o ano.

His eyes widened at me slightly.

Why is he so talkative to me? if you look like you thought it was a big deal to him. Hinawakan niya ang buhok niya at hinimas. “Okay, okay. Hindi na magtatanong. Please don’t get be mad.”

’I’m not mad.“ Sambit ko sa kanya.

We just kept quiet when the door opened, my cousins and Joshua came in with  foods.Napatingin sila kaagad sa akin lalo na nang makita ako’ng gising na.

“Aguuuuu! Gising kana!” nagtatakbo sila Abby sa akin pati na din sina Joshua at Cris. Tangging si Cristal ang nasa gitna at tinitignan si David na naglalakad papunta sa kabilang sofa at umupo roon.

Nagtama ang paningin naming ni Cristal saka siya bahagya’ng ngumiti at lumapit na sa akin. “Kamusta ang pakiramdam mo?” tanong niya sa akin. Ngumiti naman ako at hindi mapigilang tumingin kay David sa gilid habang nagbabasa ng magazine.

“I’m already okay…”

“Kumain ka muna, Agu.” Binigyan ako nina Abby ng pagkain, madami’ng pagkain na alam kung hindi ko mauubos. “Kainin mo lahat ’yan at mamaya matulog ka para makabawi ka ng tulog.” Singgit naman ni Valerie.

“Opo…matutulog ako mamaya.”

Nagising na lang ako dahil sa sobra’ng lamig, laoo na nakabukas pa din ang aircon sakwarto naming. Lalo ko naming pinatong ang kumot sa katawan ko at niyayakap sa loob.

“Are you cold?” napadilat ako nang may marinig ako’ng nagsalita. Si David, si David nanaman.  Hindi ako bumangon sa kanya  at nagsalita.

My heartbeat quickened while I was still lying on my side, nervous that I did not know, especially when I got up close to me.

“No…” I replied. I hope he doesn’t come any closer. Not really.

“Hey …” he went in front of me and knelt down so that we could both see. “Are you really okay? I turned down the aircon, is it cold too?” Nababaliw na ako, hindi na ako ’to ang bilis ko’ng magbago bakit agad-agad?

“Agustina…”

Ano ba’ng nangyayari? Ano’ng nangyayari? Naguguluhan na ako sobra na nagsimula talaga ito sa panaginip niya at bigla na lang siya’ng nagkaroon ng pakielam sa akin tapos ganito. Ang lapit niya din sa akin.

Rinig na rinig ko ang tibok ng puso ko. Lalo na ballot na ballot ak sa kumot. Please ayoko ng ganito. Sana matapos na ’to. Mas gusto ko pa’ng wala siya’ng pakielam sa akin at pinandidirihan niya ako kesa sa ganito para ako’ng masisiraan ng bait.

“I heard your heartbeat.” My world stopped at what he said. I was gripped tightly by my blanket.

Damn, I’m not careful I still need to be far away.

I ignored him and turned my back on him. I just want to sleep again.

“It’s okay with me, Agustina…”

“It’s not okay, David.” I answered quickly while staring out the window. “I don’t like this feeling. I can’t keep quiet …”

“Why?”

Why? Karelasyon mo si Leigh tapos ayos lang sa’yo na ganito ang nararamdaman ko? Hindi ko ’to gusto hindi ko ’to ginusto. Kaya hindi talaga pwede. Wala ako’ng balak, alam ko na wala. Wala’ng-wala.

“Agustina…”

“Just stay away, hindi ko din alam kung bakit ka ganyan. Don’t cheat  to Leigh, She’s so inlove with you.”  Huminga ako ng malalim  “I’m not doing anything, And I will not do anything to hurt you two. I hope you know that.”

“Huwag ka’ng mag-alala malapit na tayo’ng umuwi, makikita mo na din si Leigh.” I have heard nothing from David but a sigh. I’m sure it’s like that because he’s still drunk. Umayos ako ng higa. ’Do whatever you want.“ Napapikit ako. ’Epekto lang ’to ng alak at pagod, David.“

“I know…Sorry…”

Chapter 12

“Agu,” tawag ni Joshua sa akin dahil kanina pa ata ako nakatingin sa labas ng ereplano habang lumilipad na. Nilingon ko siya, nakatingin na din sa akin ang mga pinsan ko. “Are you okay?”

I’m not okay, Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nasasaktan. Bakit ako nagkakaganito. Nababaliw na ako kakaisip, ano’ng nangyari sa aming dalawa ni David?

Hindi na sila nilingon pa kita ang mga mata nila ay nagtatanong sa akin, ayoko’ng malaman nila pa. Dahil kagaya ko alam kung maiinis din sila kay David lalo na may relasyon sila ni Leigh pero iba an mga sinabi sa akin.

Umiling na lang ako at tumingin Hindi na sila nilingon pa kita ang mga mata nila ay nagtatanong, ayos pa ako kung malayo ako sa kanila. Pasalamat na lang wala si David wala siya sa harapan ko.

I’m going to be crazy, Yes I will admit that I was affected even though I should not, I should not have known. Dapat hindi, ayoko’ng maging kabit ni Gomez kapag nagkataon.

Bumuntong hininga ako. Kailangan ko ng iwasan si David kailangan na kailangan ko, kagaya ng pag-iwas niya sa akin noong una. Ang dami ng nagbago ilang buwan bago ang kasal naming pero hindi ko pa din maisip kung bakit ganito.

Ayoko’ng magkaroon ng gulo, hindi ako gagawa ng gulo. Naguguluhan lang kami tingin ko hanggang ngayon mga lasing pa din kami at pagod.

“Agu —” I stood up immediately as David just sat in front of me causing all my cousins to look back at us.

Some of them do not know what is happening to us.

“CR lang ako”

“Wait —” I didn’t finish David and left them.

The private plane we were riding in was moving so I could barely move and could not walk. Naririnig kong may sumusunod sa akin. Alam ko naming si David iyon talaga’ng hindi niya tatantanan. Hindi-hindi.

“David, please stay away from me!” sigaw ko ng hawakan niya ang siko ko, hinigit ako paharapa dahilan para magkabunggo ang katawa naming dalawa. “Davi—”

“Are you avoiding me?” bumaba ang kamay niya sa baywang ko, “Why? Why are you avoiding me?” Muli’ng bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko. Eto nanaman ang lapit nanaman niya sa akin. Hindi na ako makahinga ng maayos.

I was swallowed up when I felt his hand caress my waist. Lumalayo na ako pero siya pa din ito’ng lapit ng lapit.

Shit, David ano’ng ginagawa mo?

“Let me go” even though I was nervous I tried not to spread my voice. Gusto ko ng lumayo, gusto’ng-gusto ko na. Ayoko ng ganito.

He did nothing but caress my waist and look me in the eyes. His lips moved slightly.

“D-David …” I pushed him but he did not let go. Shit, I can’t run away, I can’t “Bitawan mo na ako, David…”

“Why? Why I’m letting you go?” Sumimangot ako sa kanya. HIbang na ba siya? Bakit naman hindi niya ako bibitawan?

“And why? Why you are not letting me go?” inis na tanong ko sa kanya, bakit naman hindi diba? Hindi na ako natutuwa sa mga pinagsasabi niya, Hindi na maganda. Mali’ng-mali na ’to.

Bakit hindi niya iniisip? Bakit hindi?

“Cause, I don’t  want to…” Napatigil ako ng hawakan niya lalo ang baywang ko at hinapit lalo sa katawan niya. “You can’t run away.” Lumapit siya sa tenga ko kaya mas lalo ko’ng naamoy ang bango sa leeg niya. “I am your husband, don’t stay away from me…”

Sa inis ko buong lakas ko siya’ng tinulak dahilan para mapalayo na siya sa akin. Tinignan lang niya ako, tingin na hindi naapektuhan at hindi manlang nakakaramdam.

’“Fuck you!” sigaw ko at tinalikuran siya. Nakakainis akala ba niya bibigay ako sa ganyan niya, alalang-alala ko pa din kung paano niya ako pagsabihan ng mga hindi maganda’ng salita tapos may pa ganito siya sa akin. “Huwag mo na ako’ng—”

Nagulat ako ng nasa harapan ko na siya at tinulak niya ako papasok, Pareho na kami’ng nasa loob na ng cr. Hinawakan na nanaman ang baywang ko at hinapt ako sa kanya.

“David, bakit ba ganito ginagawa mo?” tinulak ko siya ulit. Naiinis na ako, inis na inis na ako. Dinuro ko siya “Ang kapal naman ng mukha mo’ng gawin ’to sa akin, nilalayuan na nga kita tapos lapit ka pa din nang lapit!”

He didn’t want to look at me, his polo shirt was wrinkled because of me.

“We’re both men. Don’t you like women?” dagdag ko pa sa kanya. “Hindi ko gusto ang mga pinaparamdam mo, nakakagago!” binato ko sa kanya ang suot ko’ng bag. “I don’t like what you feel, I don’t like what you do!”

Gumalaw naman ang panga niya habang tinignan ako.Bakit ba siya ganito? Hindi ko na siya maintindihan, naguguluhan na ako at mas nakakabaliw.

“Bakit mo ba ’to ginagawa?” tanong ko sa kanya. “Isipin mo nga si Leigh kung gagawa ka ng kalokohan, huwag mo ko–” naputol ang sasabihin ko ng bigla niya ako’ng hinila at hinalikan ang labi ko.

My eyes widened, he hugged my waist and pressed the kiss harder on me. Damn it. Hinawakan ko ang balikat niya para pigilan sa ginagawa’ng hindi maganda.

His lips moved more and more towards me, caressing my back and not letting go of me.

“Hmm…” I moaned as he put his tongue in my mouth, the kiss became even more eager for me.

I clung to him and forced him away, I turned my face away. “David heck–”

He pulled me again and kissed me. “Hmm…” nakapikit siya habang hinahalikan ako, marahas na marahas at wala ng balak ako’ng bitawan. He was good at kissing, debilitating but not right.

“David! … ha …” I could not breathe as I walked away from him. “You’re not doing it right!”

“Let me kiss you–”

“Get out of here! I don’t want to see you here!” I wiped my lips, the speed of your heartbeat for what I was chasing. “Don’t–”

Hinila niya ako papasok sa isa’ng cubicle, sinarado niya iyon at hinarap ako, sumandal ako sa pintuan at tinignan siya. Lalaki din naman ako pero bakit ganito? Wala ako’ng laban sa kanya. Ang lakas niya hindi ko siya kaya.

“David, please” nagmamakaawa’ng sambit ko sa kanya. Nilihis ko ang dalawa’ng kamay niya’ng nakahawak sa baywang ko. “Bitawan mo ko! Si Leigh ang halikan mo–” Mabilis niya’ng hinawakan ang pisngi at hinalikan ako’ng muli.

His kiss with me has become more careful now, not like before.

He is good… he is good. It weakens my knees.

“Hmm …” I moaned again. I held his chest as he supported me.

“Haa…huu …” I sighed as he released me.

“It’s better to kiss a man …” My heartbeat quickened.

His hand landed on my thigh, because I was just short I felt his palm.

“D-David …” he hide on my neck and whispered. “W-Why–”

“You want more?” I moaned as he licked my neck. The caress on my thigh continues.

“Ahh..D-Davi - uhmm …” I sucked on my neck, my skin because it made my body even hotter.

“Haa..a-ahh …”

“Yours is hard …”

“hmm …” I clung to his shoulder as he touched my stomach. “Ahh …” ramdam na ramdam ko na din ang akin.

Muli niya ako’ng hinawakan, hinangat ang mukha ko at nagtama ang paningin naming dalawa.

I do not know what I see in his eyes, I do not know if it is fun or what. I do not know.

He touched my chin, he brought his face close to mine. “Just breathe …”

I couldn’t take my eyes off him as I breathed, chasing my breath.

“Sorry, I drowned too much on your lips.” his grip remained on my waist as his cheek lips pressed against my forehead.

“How’s Le–”

“Not us…” lalo’ng domain ang halik niya sa noo ko na nagbigay nanaman sa akin ng kakaiba’ng pakiramdam. At paano namang wala? Wala’ng sila? O hindi sila? Wala’ng sila ’yung naghahalikan? Napasimangot ako sa sarili’ng iniisip ko.

“Wow, naghahalikan tapos wala’ng kayo?” Napalayo siya sa akin at binaba ang tingin, Nainis ata ako lalo dahil halata’ng gusto niya’ng matawa sa sinabi ko. Totoo naman, naghahalikan tapos wala’ng sila? Naghahalikan tapos wala’ng label. May ganon?

“Ow, Are you jelous?”

“Nanggagago ka ba?” Lalo siya’n natawa sa sumunod ko’ng sinabi. Nakakainis naman siya alam ko’ng wala namang mali sa tanong ko. Binuksan ko ang pintuan at lumabas iniwan ko siya’ng tawa pa din ng tawa.

Pumunta nga ako dito sa cr para makalayo sa kanya pero hanggang dito ba naman ay sinundan nia ako. At higit sa lahat muntik pa’ng may mangyari kung hindi pa siya tumigil.

Humarap ako sa salamin. My breathing slowed as I saw some of David’s marks on my neck, hindi ko pa din naman matatakpan dahil wala ako’ng dala’ng gamit. Inis ako’ng tumingin sa repleksyon ni David na kalalabas lang kakatigil lang niya kakatawa.

“Tignan mo ginawa mo,” asik ko habang titignan ko lahat ng iyon. “Di ko alam kung sinasapian kaba o ano.Bakit ka nanghahalik?”

Hinawakan niya ang baba niya habang nakatayo. Tinitignan ako habang natatawa pa din ang mukha niya, ano ba’ng nakakatawa?

“Nasarapan ka naman sa halik ko?” What the? Ang kapal naman ng mukha niya’ng magsabi ng ganyan. Pero hindi ko alam pero bigla’ng namula ang mukha ko sa salamin. “Oh, namumula ka”

Wala na ako’ng ginawa kung hindi sumimangot hanggang sa pagbalik namin sa dalawa sa pwesto, napatingin sa akin ang mga kasama namin lalo na sa akin. Wala na ako’ng pakielam kung makit nila ang nasa leeg basta naiinis ako.

“Pwede ba, naiinis ako, David!” SInalo ni David ang binato ko sa kanya’ng bag kanina, may bago wala naman akong bandaid, wala’ng-wala. “Ano ba’ng nakakawa?” tanong ko nanaman sa kanya.

“Bakit kaba naiinis sa akin, Wifey? Wala ako’ng ginagawa.” natatawa’ng dinampot niya ang bag ko.

“Ganda ng design natin, ah” asar pa ni Abby at Cris sa akin kaya lalo ako’ng nainis. Hanggang sa pag-uwi, hindi ko pinapansin si David na panay ang daldal at tawag sa akin, mas nababaliw pa ako sa kanya. Nasisiraan na ata siya ng bait kaya siya ganyan.

“David, anak.” tawag ni Mrs. Gomez sa anak niya, imbis na ako ang lalapitan ni David mas lumapit muna siya sa Mommy habang ako naman ay yumakap kila Daddy. Hindi ko alam na ilang araw na pala’ng magkasama sila’ng apat rito simula noong nauna’ng umuwi.

“Kamusta, anak?” hinalikan ako ni Daddy sa noo. “Kamusta ang honeymo–”

“Dad!” bumitaw ako kay Daddy, wala kami’ng honeymoon, halikan lang. Gusto ko’ng sabihin pero mukha’ng sila din naman ay magugulat. Ikaw ba naman halikan ng isa’ng David Gomez na diring-diring sa’yo sa una sino’ng hindi magugulat.

“Naku, ikaw talaga.” saway ni Mommy kay Daddy, sa kanya naman ako humalik.

Hindi ko pa din pinansin si David hanggang sa matapos kami kumain ng hapunan, naiinis ako sa kanya tuwing tinitignan ko siya para’ng gusto pa niya ako’ng pagtawanan, hindi pa ata sapat ang mga naitawa niya sa eroplano.

“Hey, Wifey…” humiga sI David sa tabi ko habang ako naman ay nagbabasa lang ng libro.

“Stop calling me, Wifey–”

“Edi, Wife,” Padabog ko’ng sinarado ang libro’ng hawak ko dahil sa pagiging pilosopo niya, nginitian lang niya ako habang ako banas na. “Bakit ka kasi nagagalet?” hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at pinatong ang pisngi niya roon. “Please, ’wag kana po magalit.”

“Stop annoying me, David.”

“Oh, hindi na.” Hinalikan ang palad ko. “Hindi na po, please ’wag kana magalit…” I was silent as he kissed my palm. Kiss full of respect. Tinignan niya ako’ng muli.

“I know, naguguluhan ka din…” hinawakan niya ng mahigpit ang kamay ko, muli’ng hinalikan at nagsalita. “Hayaan mo ko’ng bumawi…ipaparamdam ko lahat ng dapat mo’ng maramdaman.” natahimik ako sa sinabi niya. Nag-aalangan ako at nasasaktan habang nakikinig sa kanya.

Nasasaktan ako, hindi ko alam kung bakit

“Hayaan mo ko, alam ko kunga no’ng mali at tama… I’m sorry. Just trust me…”

Muli ko’ng naalala ang panaginip ko. Muli ako’ng nanlamig hindi ko na nagustuhan kaagad at bumitaw kay David.

“Hmm bak–” bumangon ako kaagad sa kama. “Saan ka–”

“Don’t want to sleep with you, sorry,” nakababa ang mukha ko habang nagsasalita. “Just forget everything.” Lumabas ako ng kwarto naming dalawa ng may mabigat na nararamdaman. Hindi ako ’yung matalo, ramdam ko si David.

Ramdam ko na naguguluhan din siya, hindi siya sigurado. Hindi’ng-hindi siya sigurado. Nalilito lang siya, dapat kay Leigh, kay Leigh pa din.

“Ow, sorry, It’s your fault to trust me.”

I can’t, I don’t want to, Never.

Chapter 13

Simula ng nangyari iyon halos hindi na ako makapagsalita, hindi ako makakibo kasi wala ako’ng magawa. Patuloy ako’ng nanlalamig sa mga nangyari noong nagdaang araw. Ilang araw ko na ding hindi kinakausap at pinapansin si David kahit pa kinakausap niya.

“Agu, kausapin mo na–” inis ko’ng nilingon si David na patuloy ang kakasunod sa akin. Naalibadbaran ako, inis na inis talaga ako. Lalo na nakikinood pa ang mga pinsan ko sa aming dalawa. “Bakit ayaw mo ko–”

Why can’t he understand me? why can’t he understand?

“What do you not understand?” I asked him. He stopped walking because of my question.

“I told you, I’ll fix it.”

Is he adjusting to this situation? He is fixing it?

I was even more mad, he was nice to shout.Ang sarap niya’ng sigawan para maintindihan niya lahat.

“Hindi kita maintindihan, David.” I restrained myself because maybe whatever I said, I was holding back. I need that.

He stopped, I saw how sad he was and was surprised by my question.

We both do not understand each other, I do not know. Ang gulo namin pareho.

“David, you know you’re just confused.” I touched my neck. I have a hard time looking at him. Dahan-dahan siya’ng umiling, dahan-dahan na  hindi talaga siya sigurado, na naguguluhan siya. Hindi ko alam pero lalo ako’ng nasasaktan kung sa akin ba o para sa iba dahil alam kung hindi lang ako makakaramdaman nito.

Nanatili’ng tahimik ang mga pinsan ko, sina Joshua at tinitignan kami’ng dalawa na nasa harapan. “Namimiss mo lang si Leigh at mas lalo’ng hindi ako si Leigh, David tigil mo na ’to’ng ginagawa mo.”

“Agustina, hindi.” asik niya saka bahagya’ng lumapit pero pinigilan ko siya. “Makinig ka muna sa aki–”

“At ano’ng ipapaliwanag mo? Ano? Kapag tinatanong kita. Kita’ng-kita ko sa’yo na hindi ko alam kung ano’ng sasabihin at gagawin!” inis na sigaw ko. Naiinis ako sa kanya hanggang kailan niya ’to gagawin sa akin? Hanggang kailan niya ako pahihirapan.

“Go back to Leigh and don’t bother me anymore.” I looked at him sharply. “Don’t like you, David. Stay away from me.”

“Anak, halika, sumama ka muna sa akin sa opisina.” hinawakan ako ni Daddy sa balikta “Wala ka ba’ng gagawin, anak?” dagdag na tanong naman niya ulit. NIlingon ko si Daddy at umiling sa kanya wala naman ako’ng ginagawa at isa pa ay naboboring na ako dito sa bahay dahil wala naman ako’ng pasok.

“Sige, hintayin mo ko dito, magbibihis lang ako” binigyan ako ng halik sa noo at umakyat na ng kwarto nina Mommy. Naghintay lang ako sa sala sa kanya, nawawalan ako ng gana. Wala din naman dito si David dahil tumutulong na sa kompanya. Buti nga iyon para naman bawasan na ang utang nila.

I leaned over and looked around again, I had been avoiding David for a few days, I was not showing him and he was even waiting for me in our room. I slept in Joshua’s room.

There was a time when we almost had a fight in front of Mommy so I knew Mommy already knew about the two of us.

I just didn’t like David and ran away with him.

When Daddy came down, I also stood up. We left the house and Daddy opened the car for me.

“Thank you, Daddy” pumasok ako sa Passenger’s seat at sinarado ang pintuan. Umikot siya at siya naman ang pumasok sa Driver’s seat.

Tahimik lang ako sa byahe, hindi ko alam pero may nararamdaman ako’ng hindi maganda lalo na si Daddy lang kasama ko, nakikiramdam lang ako sa pwede niya’ng itanong o sa bihin sa akin. Kahit naman naiinis ako kay David hindi pa din ako ganon sa kanya, sadyang inis lang ako sa mga pinaparamdam niya.

At isa pa hindi lang naman ako mahihirapan, Inaamin ko na ang bilis ko din naramdaman ang hindi naman dapat lalo na nakakaramdam na ako ng hindi ko maintindihan. Aminado ako’ng naiinis ako kay David kasi ’di niya alam ginagawa niya.

Si Leigh, nag-iingat din ako kay Leigh, ayoko’ng bigla na lang niya ako’ng awayin, o kung anuman hangga’t maari iniingatan ko ang pangalan namin ng pamilya ko. So I will just avoid it, I will just go away for everyone to be quiet.

“Ano’ng nangyari sa inyo ni David?” nagbaba ako kaagad ng tingin, ayoko’ng sumagot pero wala ako’ng magagawa. “Nasabi sa akin ng Mommy mo ’yung away ninyo’ng dalawa.”

I turned to Daddy, he turned to me for a moment before the road. “I also notice that you two are even more distant.”

“Ayoko lang naman po ng gulo kaya ako na ang lumalayo kay David kahit asawa ko pa siya.”

I’m just doing it right, that’s right.

“Why?” lumiko ang kotse’ng sinasakyan namin. “Ano’ng ginawa sa’yo ni David?”

Sasabihin ko ba? Paano ko naman ipapaliwanag? Pati pa ’yung eksena namin sa C.R ay dapat ko pa’ng sabihin? Para’ng malilintikan naman ako kay Daddy nito. Kinabahan ako bigla, ayaw na ayaw ko talaga’ng naaalala iyon kasi mas lalo ako’ng napaparaning.

“Anak? Ano’ng nangyari sa inyo?” muli’ng tanong nanaman niya sa akin. Hindi naman ako magpasalita. Hindi ko nga mabuksan ang bibig ko.

“Daddy, sorry pero ’di ko masasabi sa’yo…” hinawakan ko ng mahigpit ang kamay ko. I’m so nervous, My heart skip a beats.

“Kung sabagay, malaki kana. Alam nyo na din ang tama at mali. Ayusin nyo ’yan”

Ayusin? Maayos pa? Lalo lang kami’ng magugulo.

Pagkapark ng kotse namin ay lumabas na ako kaagad, pagkalabas ko ay napatingin ako kaagad sa isa’ng grupo ng mga lalaki, nagkakatuwa kasi sila sa labas ng kompanya dahil siguro ay breaktime nila.

Nakatingin ako, pinapanood ko sila dahil ang sasaya nila roon kaso napatigil sila ng makita ako ng isa’ng lalaki, tinuro ako at nagsitinginan ang lima’ng lalaki sa akin.

“She’s Sir Del Mundo’s daughter!” sigaw ng isa’ng lalaki’ng may hawak na milktea, kaagad sila’ng kumilos at lumapit sa akin upang bumati, ako naman ay kinabahan kaagad dahil wala naman ako’ng ginagawa mukha natakot pa.

“Ma’am! Goodmorning po!”

“Good morning din po, Sir Del Mundo!”

“Shet, naabutan tayo!”

Bago pa ako makapagsalita ay tumawa na si Daddy sa kanila at kinausap sila’ng lahat, hindi naman kasi strikto si Daddy sa mga emplayado niya kaya siguro ay natawa na lang siya na ganon ang itsura ng mga lalaki sa labas na naabutan namin.

Hindi ako pumansin dahil may nakaagaw ng atensyon ko, kalalabas lang ni Travis Alfonso sa Van pinagbuksan siya ng driver niya at bumaba. Nakatuxedo din siya kagaya ni Daddy mas lalo siya’ng naging maayos.

His hair was neatly combed, tucked in while holding a paperbag in her left hand. Reason for us all to look at him.

He smiled at the Driver then hugged him, the hug that he would not be ashamed of anyone seeing.

“Kuya! Fetch me later!” he laughed so his Driverr messed up his hair a little.Tumango ito bago pumasok ulit sa Van at pumasok.

“O nariyan na pala si Travis,” hinawakan ako ni Daddy at sinama sa kanya’ng paglalakad papunta sa pwesto ni Travis na kinakausap ang ilang guard sa may pintuan.

I couldn’t take my eyes off Travis, he was more handsome in my eyes than when we met in Finland. After that, I never saw him again. Just now again.

“Alfonso, Good morning.” Instead of Daddy he immediately looked at me with his eyes. Titig na titig sa akin habang nakangiti.

“Good morning po, Sir Del Mundo.” bati niya rito bago muli’ng tinignan ako. Naglahad ng kamay kaya wala’ng alangan na tinanggap ko iyon. Ayoko naman na hindi at wala namang dahilan para hindi ko tanggapin iyon.

But I was surprised when he suddenly brought his face close to my palm and kissed it.

“Good morning, have a nice day, Miss Del Mundo …” He smiled before letting me go. “I’m glad to see you again” Ngumiti ako sa kanya pagkatapos niya’ng sabihin iyon sa akin.“You’re so beautiful…”

“You too, You’re so handsome, Mr. Alfonso. Also have a nice day and work well, goodluck.” Humilis siya ng hallway, kumaway pa sa amin ni Daddy bago pumasok sa pinakadulo’ng opisina.

“Anak, let’s go…” Kahit pa binibigyan ako ni Daddy ng kakaiba’ng tingin hindi ko na pinansin, sumakay kami ng elevator. Wala’ng tao siguro ay bumalik na sa kanila’ng mga trabaho. Tahimik lang ako’ng nakakapit kay Daddy iniisip ko pa din ang pagkikita namin ni Travis, sobra’ng buti niya talaga kaya ang ayos din ng pakiramdam ko sa kanya.

Hindi ko mapigilang ngimiti, sobra na. Iyon lang iyon pero sobra na ang ngiti ko kaagad. I feel so happy that I can’t help it. I’m sure I was just too sad or something in the past few days because of David.

“You smile so much that David might be jealous of Travis.” I looked up at Daddy, he smiled as if teasing. “You’re smilling too much, if you don’t have a husband I will be happy with you and Travis but I’m still to David.”

“I don’t like David, Daddy.” Totoo naman si Leigh lang talaga iniisip ko non, kasi masasaktan siya sa mga pinaggagawa ni David sa akin kahit sabihin mo’ng kasal kami’ng dalawa. Nhindi nga din naputol ang relasyon nila noong kinasal kami.

“Hindi ko pa nakikita si David, sigurado ako’ng nasa opisina ko siya.” Nanlaki ang mga mata ko dahil mukha’ng sinadya pa ni Daddy na banggitin sa akin ang bagay na iyon.Wala sa sarili’ng nagbago nanaman ang pakiramdam ko. Ayoko na nga’ng makita si David tapos nasa opisina pa siya ni Daddy.

Wala’ng gana ako’ng lumabas ng elevator kahit pa nakakapit ako kay Daddy, naririnig ko ang ilang sipol niya.

“You know, he’s your husband, anak. Hindi mo din ’yan malalayuan.”

Kaya ko, alam ko’ng kaya ko’ng layuan si David. Wala’ng dahilan para hindi.

Binuksan ni Daddy ang pintuan ng opisina niya at bumungad sa akin kaagad si David sa kabila’ng table, nakaside view ito kaya napatingin ako.

He was wearing only a long sleeve shirt while only a necktie was around his neck, his hair was messy and he was wearing glasses.

That suits him especially if the mini electric in front of him is honest with him.

He turned to us at the door and we both looked at each other. I can’t help but shy away.

The force of my chest throbbed, our eyesight hit again after that.

“David,” Daddy called to him as we entered. “I’m sorry I made you wait.”

David looks at me, he looks at me even though Daddy is talking to him.

“Sir … that’s okay with me …” I turned around and sat on the sofa that was just on the side.

“Wife, Good morning.” Daddy looked at the two of us.

The nervousness in my heart never stopped, just always. Binaba ko ang mga gamit ko sa mesa bago ko siya nilingon.

“Good morning too….” Pasimpleng tumingin sa akin si Daddy. “Have a nice day…”

I sat on the sofa and let the two of them talk. Even though I don’t know anything about business I still need to help, I want to help.

I want to ask what is going on with the Gomez family’s debts because it was also a few months and weeks after we got married. I don’t hear from Daddy anymore, at isa pa sigurado naman akong natatahimik naman na lahat.

Nanonood lang ako ng t.v. dahil hindi ko naman maintindihan kung ano ang pinag-uusapan nil’ng dalawa roon. Napapatingin lang naman ako kapag naririnig ko na tumatawa si Daddy at magtatama naman ang paningin naming dalawa ni David.

“David, how are the debts? Are they being paid?”

I looked at Daddy’s place, they were talking about debt. Hindi ko talaga mapigilan kapag utang na ang sinasabi nina’ng dalawa.

“Dad, it’s already okay…” sagot ni David at tinignan ako. “Gnagawa ko na po ang lahat para mabayaran na…” Sa akin, wala ko na sa akin niya sinasabi yon dahil minsan na kami’ng nagkasagutan noong pumunta kami sa bahay ng Lolo’t Lola niya.

He smiled slightly “Wife, trust me it will be okay too, I’ll fix it.” I can’t smile, I don’t know what to say.

I have nothing to say especially to him. Nothing.

“Hi,” I turned to the caller.

I chose to stay here on the rooftop rather than be with David, after I ate I went up here immediately even with Daddy.

“Travis,” Travis said, standing in front of me holding a coke in a can

“Nakita kasi kita na umakyat, kaya umakyat na din ako.” nakangiting sambit niya sa akin.

“Wife.” Nanlaki ang mga mata ko ng makita ko si David na nakatayo sa likod ni Travis, wala ako’ng nakikita kung hindi puro galit sa mata niya. “Come with me.” lumapit at hinawakan ang siko ko, hindi niya ako mahigpit na hinawakan.

“David.” litanya ni Travis.

“What?”

“Do you like MIss Del Mundo?”

Chapter 14

“Do you like Miss Del Mundo?” huminto si David sa paglakad habang hila niya ako. Hindi lumingon si David, nanatili’ng nakatalikod. Nakatingin lang din ako sa kanya.

“Why? You like my wife?” Matigas na tanong ni David.

“Yes.”

Humigpit ang hawak sa akin lalo ni David. Hindi ako makatingin sa kanya, iyo’ng mukha kasi niya para’ng gusto niya’ng suntukin na lang si Travis.

“What?”

“I heared me, Mr. Gomez. I like Miss Del Mundo…” hindi pa din matanggal ang ngiti ni Travis habang nakatingin kay David at kapag lumilipat ang tingin sa akin. “She just your wife because of your debts…”

I heared a heavy sigh to David, It’s really making me nervous, kung wala namang gusto sa akin si David sa akin hindi siya magiging ganito kay Travis, kaya mas lalo ako’ng naguguluhan sa kanya. I’m still nervous.

“David, let’s—” hindi nagpatinag sa akin si David. Hindi siya nagpatangay sa hila ko. “Davi—”

“She’s mine.” Matigas niya’ng sambit kay Travis na may pagdiin. “You can’t take her away from me.” He pointed his eyes to him. “I’ll break your bone…”

“David!” Hinila ko na siya pasalamat na lang sumabay siya. Tininignan ko si Travis na hanggang ngayon nakangiti pa din.

“Nakakatawa’ng tignan…na nagseselos kana…” Travis shaked his head to David. “Wala ka namang magagawa kung gusto ko si Miss Del Mundo.”

“David, tara na.”

“Ingat ka, Miss Del Mundo…” tumango sa akin si Travis bago ko tuluyang hinila si David pababa ng rooftop. Hila-hila ko siya dahil ang bakit niya, inis na inis pa din talaga siya.

“Pwede ba, David!” Sigaw ko sa kanya pagpasok namin ng opisina ni Daddy, wala siya ngayon dito dahil may meeting sa kabila. Tinulak ko siya para makapasok na. “Ano ba—”

“Kaya mo ba ako iniiwas dahil sa Alfonso na ’yun?” Tinignan niya ako, tingin na naiinis pero naroon pa din ang pagiging kalmdo sa akin. “Tell me, ano’ng wala kay Travis na wala sa akin? Bakit ganito ka sa akin? Hindi ba kita pwede’ng hindi magustuhan?”

Damn, This is too much, I don’t really want this! Never!

Lumapit siya sa akin ng may lungkot sa mukha. “I like you…I don’t know…but trust me I like you. I really do.”

Hinawakan niya ang siko habang ako patuloy na umiiling at lumalayo sa kanya.

“Please, David—”

“Why you can’t trust me? Just for this one…only for this.”

“No…You’re just confused…bakit naman ang bilis?” Tinulak ko siya palayo sa akin.

Puno’ng-puno ng sakit ang mga mata niya.

“I like you! I really do! Bigla na lang ako’ng nagising ng isa’ng araw gusto na kita!” Nagsimula ulit siya’ng lumapit pero pinigilan ko at lumayo ako. “Please, believe me…I like—”

“You just like me…It’s will be faded soon, David…”

“No…Never…I can’t…”

“I can’t understand why are you doing this…”

Inabot niya ako, inabot niya ako’ng puno’ng-puno ng pagmamakaawa.

Hindi ko man ipagkaila, naapektuhan ako sa mga tingin niya.

Hindi ko na maintindihan ang sarili ko.

“Even myself. I can’t understand.” Tinignan ko ang mga mata niya. “I’m not sure…I know even you is not…”

“I am sure of what I have feeling for you…I’m always sure, wifey…”

“No…please stop…” umiling ako, suko’ng-suko na ako. “I don’t like you…”

Nakita ko ang pagdapo ng sakit sa mga mata niya. Natigilan at gusto’ng umiling…

I’m sorry…

“I like Travis.”

“No, Baby…No…please ’wag ganito…”

Iniwas ko ang mga kamay niya’ng hahawakan nanaman ako.

“I’m telling the truth, David!”

“No, You don’t!”

“Why—”

Bago pa maituloy ni Daddy ang sasabihin niya mabilis ko siya’ng nilagpasan sa pintuan at lumabas.

“Anak! Agustina!” I heared Daddy shouting and calling my name.

“Agustina!” Si David na naririnig ko ang ilang hakbang kasunod ko. Pinagtitinginan na kami ng mga empleyado sa pasilyo.

Hanggang sa ground ay hinahabol niya ako. Ayaw niya ako’ng tigilan.

“Please let me go!” Hinarap ko na siya. “Ano ba’ng hindi mo maintindihan sa sinabi ko?!” Galit na galit na sigaw ko.

“Ayoko sa’yo, David! Ayaw na ayaw ko sa’yo!”

Pilit siya’ng ngumiti sa akin habang papalapit. “Please, I will be better…please…huwag naman ganito…” Nagkakamali lang ako ng nakikita’ng nagluluha ang mga mata niya.

Hindi na. Hindi na ako maniniwala pa.

Nahagip ng tingin ko si Travis na kakalabas lang ng pintuan, nagmamadali at tinignan ako.

“Agustina!” Sigaw niya dahilan para matigilan si David.

“Wife…I know you like m—”

“No, I don’t like you, David. Stop forcing yourself to me.”

“I will be better, Agustina. Please just only me—”

“No”

Hinigpitan niya ang hawak sa pulsuhan ko. Mahigpit na mahigpit at nasasaktan ako.

Masakit, kagaya ng nakikita ko sa mga mata niya.

“Gomez! Bitawan mo!” Si Travis ang nakita ko’ng humila kay David. “Hindi—”

“Tangina mo, bitawa—”

Nagulat na lang ako ng bigla niya’ng sinuntok si Travis, si Travis na sinuntok niya ay halos mapasubsob sa akin.

“David, ano ba?!”

He’s so very angry to me now, very angry.

I know I’m doing the right just him to stay away from me. Away too much from me.

“Pinagtatanggol mo pa siya—”

“Wala ka’ng pakielam!” Sigaw ko. Lalo’ng nanlaki ang mga mata niya.

“W-Why…a..are…”

“Travis…” hinawakan ko si Travis na patuloy ang pagdurugo ng kanya’ng labi dahil sa atake ni David.

“Agustina, Pinili kita…piliin mo—”

“Wala ako’ng sinabi sa’yo na ako ang piliin mo.”

I saw Daddy is now just exiting the door. Hinila ko si Travis patayo at pinakapit sa akin. “Travis…”

“I’m okay…” pinunasan niya ang labi niya. “I’m sorry…”

“Anak!”

“Dad, I’m sorry…but I don’t want to stay here…Please…”

Lumapit ako kay Daddy at hinalikan siya sa pisngi. “I will become okay…Very okay. Please    Don’t worry. Iloveyou.”

“Why…why are you staying away from…this?” He looked at me confused. He’s hurting too like David.

I’m sorry, Daddy. It’s my fault.

Tinignan ko si David sa likod ni Daddy,nakayuko at nakasarado ang mga kamaong.

Ginawa ko naman ’to para sa’yo, David dahil kung ikaw para sa akin hindi ka magiging mabuti tao sa piling ko, I really thinking of that.

I’m sorry, It’s my fault to hurt you even you really like me. I’m sorry.

“Because…Don’t want this, Daddy…I’m sorry…”

I really hate what I’m doing right now. I hate myself too…

I’m so stupid, so stupid!

“Are you okay now?” Lumayo ako kay Travis pagkatapos ko’ng lagyan ng gamot ang sugat niya. “I’m sorry…It’s my fault…”

“I like you so much…” Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko. Maghigpit na mahigpit. “Sorry, but I really like you…”

Binaba ko ang tingin ko sa magkahawak naming kamay, sobra’ng lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko.

“I like you too…”

Ngumiti sa akin si Travis, muli’ng hinigpitan ang pagkakahawak sa kamay ko. “I will do everything you want…”

Hinalikan ang kamay ko. “Ano’ng gusto mo’ng kainin? Babalik kapa ba sa office?”

“Yes, mamaya na siguro. Sigurado ka ba’ng ayos kana?” Tanong ko sa kanya. Masyado pa ding namumula ang putok niya’ng labi.

Bahaya siya’ng tumawa. Ang lakas sumuntok ni David.

“Ang lakas ng asawa mo.” Bumitaw siya sa akin at tumayo. “Magluluto muna ako ng hapunan natin, ano ba’ng gusto mo?”

Tiningala ko siya at sumandal ako sa sofa. “Pancit canton? Sayo’ng bahay naman ’to ikaw na ang bahala.”

“Hintayin mo ko, magluluto lang ako.” Iniwan niya ako sa sala at pumasok ng kusina.

“Hayst…” bagsak ang katawan ko na tumingin sa paligid ng sala niya. Masyadong malaki din ang sa kanila kumpara sa amin.

Mas malaki ang bahay nila. Mukhang hindi lang second floor ang mayroon.

Natigil ako sa kakatingin ng tumunog ang phone ko. May nagtext.

Cristal:

Where are you? David is here! Hinahanap ka niya sa akin!

Kumunot ang noo ko, kailan pa nalaman ni David na mas close ako kay Cristal? Kailan pa?

Nagtipa ako sa phone ko. Nakakapanghinayang.

Ako:

Huwag mo na lang siya’ng kausapin pa kapag nagtanong. Hindi niya kailangang malaman kung nasaan ako.

I’m so stupid, aminado na ako. Hindi mo akalaing magbabago ako ng ganito kabilis.

Nagvibrate ang phone ko dahilan para mapatingin nanaman ako.

Cristal:

Agu, I can’t understand why are you doing this and I don’t likedTravis for you.

I know, I know well…

Ako:

Sorry…I can’t…also understand myself…

Yeah, sobra’ng nakakagago’ng intindihin na lang palagi na hindi ko magawa’ng inintindihin ang sarili ko.

Naiisip ko’ng hindi pwede’ng palagi’ng hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili ko pero iyon talaga ang nararamdaman ko. Hindi nagbabago.

Cristal:

David is crying

Gumalaw ang panga ko, sobra’ng tigas ng pagkakadikit ng mga ngipin ko.

Why, David? Are you really sure about this?

May kung ano ako’ng hindi naramdaman na maganda. Naiinis ako kapag ganito nararamdaman ko lalo na pagdating kay David, kasi hindi alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi ko siya gusto.

Hindi na hindi. Hindi talaga.

May sumunod nananaman siya’ng mensahe.

Cristal:

Please talk to him…not like this, Agu. Kahit ako naguguluhan pero nakikita ko lahat ng totoo.

Ano’ng ibig niya’ng sabihin?

Cristal:

Please let’s talk later

Humilig ako’ng muli sa sofa at pumikit. Hangga’t hindi din tumitigil si David hindi din matatapos ang lahat ng ’to.

Nilapag ko na lang sa table ang phone ko dahil patuloy pa din ang pagtext ng number ni Cristal sa akin.

It’s wrong, very wrong

Ngayon ako naman ang may iba habang asawa ko na si David, mag-asawa na kami’ng dalawa.

Napahilot ako sa sentido ko. Wala na ako’ng magawa.

Pagkatapos naming magmeryenda ni Travis muli kami’ng bumalik ng office, hindi ko nga lang maipinta ang mga tingin ko dahil sa mga empleyado’ng nakatingin sa amin ni Travis.

Bumubulong ang iba, habang ang iba naman ay binabati pa din kami.

“Aalis na ako, bababa na ako sa office ko.” Nilingon ni Travis ang office ni Daddy. “Are…you okay?”

“Yes, I’m okay, thank you…”

Ngumiti bago siya umalis sa harapan ko at pumasok ng elevator.

Ako:

Crissy, I’m here again in office

Wala ako’ng naririnig na kahit ano mula sa labaa ng office ni Daddy, hindi ko alam kung nasana sila at mas lalo lang din ako’ng nakakaramdam ng kaba ko.

Binuksan ko iyon at tama nga ako wala’ng tao sa loob pero naroon pa din ang ilang gamit nina Daddy.

Hayts, I can’t explain to my parents all of this, pagkatapos ko’ng gumawa ng hindi maganda ako pa ’yung wala’ng masabi.

“You’re here…” mabilis ako’ng lumingon sa pintuan na kinabahan. Si Mommy ang nakita ko’ng pumasok. “I though you are at our home, Agustina.”

Napababa ako ng tingin. Alam na alam ko si Mommy kapag tinatawag ang buo ko’ng pangalan. Nakakatakot.

“Mommy…”

Lumakad siya sa table ni Daddy at umupo roon sa swivel chair, nilingon ako’ng muli.

Kinabahan ako, natatakot.

Her jaw moved and her eyes are was looking at me angrily.

“Naaawa ako kay David, naaawa ako sa kalagayan niya ngayon.” Simula niya. “Nag-aalala ako sa inyi pareho lalo na sa’yo hindi ko alam kun—”

“Mommy, si Travis…siya po…ang kasama ko…kanina…” nanatili’ng nakababa ang tingin ko, lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko at hindi ko mapigilan.

“Why not David? Bakit hindi ka sa kanya sumama?”

Hindi ako makasagot, wala ako’ng masabi.

“Ayaw mo ba kay David? Bakit? Hindi—”

“Ayaw na ayaw ko po kay David.”

Kumunot ang noo ni Mommy sa sagot ko sa kanya. Pareho sila ng pinapakita sa akin ni Daddy. Naaawa na ako sa sarili ko.

I can’t resist, damn it!

Bakit naman ganito, naiinis na talaga.

Kumibot ang labi ni Mommy habang tinitignan ako. Mas close ako kay Daddy kaya ganito na lang din siguro ang takot ko kay Mommy, ang seryoso niya sobra at alam ko namang kasalanan ko.

“Gusto mo talaga si Travis?” Nakaramdam ako ng kilabot sa pagbabago ng boses ni Mommy.

Hindi na maganda.

Pinilit ko’ng itaas ang ulo ko upang tignan siya.

Dahan-dahan akong tumango sa kanya.

“How about David?”

What about him, Mommy?

Umiling-iling siya na para ba’ng hindi makapaniwala. Halata’ng madami siya’ng gusto’ng sabihin.

“Nagiging maayos na ang lahat, pagkatapos ng kasal nyo ni David at pagkauwi nyo rito tumulong na siya. At sabi pa niya na gagawin at aayusin niya lahat para hindi kana magalit.” Nalito ako. “Isang utang na lang ang kailangang bayaran, hindi ko pa alam kung mayroon pa sa iba. Si David ang gumagawa noon lahat.”

“Are you really want David to hurt? Is this all what you want?” Nilapag ang kamay sa table nagpipigil sumigaw.

“Y-Yes…I’m sor—”

“I don’t want what you want, hindi ganito. Hindi ganyan, Anak”

I don’t want too, Mommy but for David I need to do this ayoko lang masaktan siya lalo sa akin.

Ayoko ng makita siya’ng nasasaktan dahil ako ang dahilan. Ayoko ng magkatagpo pa ang mga mata naming dalawa.

Natapos ang titigan naming dalawa ng bumukas pintuan, una ako’ng napatingin sa tao’ng nasa likod ni Daddy.

Si David, bakas na bakas sa kanya na kaiiyak lang niya. Kahit ngayon nakikita ko pa din lalo na noong nagtama ang paningin naming dalawa.

Napalunok ako para kasi siya’ng nagulat nang makita ako, nanlalaki ang mga mata.

Hindi ko na alam kung ano’ng mararamdaman ko, nasasaktan ako kapag nakikita ko siya. Pero gusto’ng-gusto ko siya’ng itaboy.

“W-Wife!” Mabilis niya’ng nilagpasan si Daddy kahit nag-aalangan pa ’to at lumapit sa akin. “Ayos ka la—”

“David.” Kumabog ang dibdib ko sa boses ni Mommy.

David, why? Bakit lalapit kapa din sa akin ngayong sinasaktan na kita? Bakit? At mas lalo’ng hindi ikaw ang gusto ko. Hindi’ng-hindi.

Ang tanga-tanga ko na, sobra na nabobobo na ako sa mga nangyayari.

“K-Kumain kana ba? S-Saan kayo nagpunta ni…Travis…” himihina ang boses niya.

Lalo na noong sa pangalan na ni Travis. Hindi din niya pinansin si Mommy.

“Tita, tinatanong ko lang po ang asawa ko.” Nakita ko ang pilit na ngiti ni David kay Mommy. Damn it, David.

Hindi ako makapagpigil, ano ba’ng hindi niya maintindihan?

“David, please stop this…” nilihis ko ang hawak niya sa siko ko. Nilingon niya ako ng may lungkot at pilit na ngiti sa labi at mata.

Shit

“I’m okay, Don’t worry about me…” hinawakan ang buhok ko. “Kahit ipagtubayan mo ko, hindi ako lalayo…”

Bakit ba hindi ako makapalag sa ganito? Eh ayaw ko nga.

“Ayoko nang saktan ka—”

“Kaya ko’ng masaktan, tiisin ko para sa’yo.”

Hindi ako nararapat para sa pagmamahal at pagkakagusto niya lalo na sa pagiging seryoso niya.

Hindi naman ako bulag para hindi maramdaman iyon at makita.

Tinitignan lang kami nila Daddy pero si Mommy alam ko’ng naiinis siya.

“I’m really okay, I’m so concern to you, Wife…” binasa niya ang labi niya. Alam ko’ng nagtitiis lang siya.

Umiling ako habang nakatingin sa kanya. Nilihis ko nanamang muli ang kamay niya.

“I’m not okay with this…”

Dahan-dahan ako’ng umatras palayo sa kanya, ayoko ng maramdaman pa siya kahit pa ang tibok ng puso niya.

“Mom, Dad. I’m sorry… but I don’t want David…” i stared at David’s eyes. There’s pain on his eyes, lalo’ng nadagdagan. “I want Travis…”

Pilit na ngumiti si David, bahagyang tumawa. “I-I know…uhh…you…r-really like him…”

Ramdam na ramdam ko siya pero tama na. Ayoko na.

Narinig ko ang buntong hininga ni Daddy, nahihirapan niya lang ako’ng tinitignan. Napailing na siya sa akin. Sorry Daddy.

“Hmm…Where you want to…sleep?” Tanong ni David sa akin pagkapasok namin ng kwarto. Nakatalikod ako habang siya ay nasa likod ko.

Hindi ko maisip kung saan ako matutulog, kung dun ba sa kwarto ni Joshua o sa iba pa’ng kwarto.

Wala na ako’ng magawa, natatanga na ako.

Sumasabay pa ang tunog ng phone ko. Sigurado ako’ng si Travis iyon.

At isa pa hinihintay ko si Cristal na pumunta rito dahil mag-uusap nga kami’ng dalawa.

“Dito na lang…siguro…”

Wala na ako’ng narinig na salita sa kanya, tuluyan ako’ng naglakad papalapit sa kama at nilapag ang mga gamit roon.

Paano na lang kaya kung hindi ako sumama kay Daddy, ’di siguro magiging ganito.

Para’ng ako pa ’yung napagod.

Maya-maya pa ay nagulat na lang ako ng may mga kamay na pumulupot sa baywang mo. Damn. Si Davis mas lalo ko siya’ng naamoy.

Nakadikit ang mga kamay sa tyan ko na siya’ng kinabilis ng tibok ng puso ko.

“Please, don’t do this to me…I like you…I really do…” hinahaplos na ngayon ang baywang ko.

Parang may kung anong kuryente ang dumaloy sa buong katawan ko sa haplos na iyon.

“Please…don’t leave me.”

“Iniintindi ko din ang nararamdama—”

“Hindi ko kailangang intindihin, dito ka lang please? Ako na ang bahala sa lahat….” Humigpit ang yakap niya. Nasasaktan ko na talaga siya.

“I’m begging you…”

AUTHOR’S NOTE

Hi, Sorry po kung ngayon lang. Ngayon lang din kasi kami nagkaroon ng internet dahil binaha din ang lugar namin. Keepsafe! Ingat palagi.

Thank you and enjoy reading MADM

Chapter 15

“Travid,” tawag ko kay Travis nang bumungad siya sa akin sa opisina. Ilang buwan din mula nong huli’ng usap namin ni David at paghihiwalay ng tulugan. At ako naman ay nakapagtapos na kailangan ko lang din ihandle ang bake shop ni Mommy kung sakali.

“Hi, narinig ko sa mga staff na madami ka daw ginagawa?” binuksan ko ng tuluyan ang pintuan at pinapasok siya.

“Oo, pinag-aaralan ko kasi ang ilang hinahawakan ni Daddy lalo na kila Tito Gomez.” dumiretso siya sa sofa at roon umupo. “Why? You don’t have works?” I added to him.

He just shook his head as he looked at my office supplies, I was fixed on my coat.

“Travis, why?” I walked closer to my table so he could notice.

“Will you do anything later?” tanong din niya sa akin. Ako naman ang napatingin, nagkatinginan kami’ng dalawa. ’Gusto kita’ng ayain lumabas mamaya.“

Natahimik na lang ako. Sa mga nakaraang buwan wala’ng ginawa si Travis kung hindi ligawan ako ng ligawan minsan pa nga ay dumadalaw siya sa bahay kahit kumpleto kami roon nina David. Palagi niya’ng ginagawa.

“Wala naman, natapos ko na din naman kagabi ang mga pinapapirmahan sa akin.” umupo ako sa swivel chair ko. Nilingon niya ako. “Ikaw ba? wala ka’ng gagawin? How about your parent’s hotel?”

Ilang araw din siya’ng wala rito sa amin dahil sa hotel nila sa bulacan, kaya nga mas minabuti ko na lang magtrabaho ng magtrabaho. I’m always waiting for him to come, ayos lang naman sa akin.

“Wala, let’s date later tonight, Agu…” ngumiti siya sa akin. Iba talaga mga binibigay na galak niya sa akin kapag ngumingiti siya. “I brought my car, I will drive for the two of us first.”

“Travis, you’re so happy. That’s different.”

He shook his head while smiling at me.

“You are the reason why I am happy, you really are the reason.” Sumandal siya sa sofa saka nanaman ngumiti ng todo. “Iba naman simula nong nakilala kita, ang dami’ng nagbago sa akin.”

True, much has changed in him. In the few months we’ve always been together I see that in him.

He wasn’t very close to me but I could feel that. Kahit kailan hindi ko nakita o naramdaman na nag-iba si Travis sa akin, palagi niya’ng pinaparamdam na mahalaga ako sa kanya. Kahit pa tahimik lang din ako sa kanya, hindi din naman ako madikit at nagsasabi ng kung ano-ano.

“Masaya din ako sa’yo.” sambit ko saka nagsimula’ng magsulat sa papel na hindi ko pa natatapos sulatan. “Tapos kana ba sa ginagawa mo kagabi?” tanong ko nanaman.

“Oo” sagot niya kahit ’di ko siya tinitignan. “Oo nga pala, kamusta na pala ang Kompanya nina David? Maayos na ba?” Natigil ako sa pagsusulat dahil sa kanya’ng tanong. Si David, si David nanamana ng naririnig ko.

“He’s still your husband…”

We both fell silent, especially him. Yes, David is still my husband  but I can still have others. Nakakatawa  pa ding marinig at maramdaman, nakakapanghinayang.

Travis speaks strangely, we are always like this. Hindi ko naman alam kung ano’ng sasabihin ko. Masyado kami’ng naiipit sa ‘kasal ako kay David’ na hindi naman talaga malayo’ng maging mali.

“Sila Daddy at David na lang ang nakakapag-usap tungkol jan, wala na din ako’ng masyado’ng naririnig dahil abala din ako sa bake shop ni Mommy.” Mahaba ko’ng ltanya sa kanya, alam ko kung ano nanamang iniisip niya.

“Just trust me, Travis” sabi ko na lang at nagpatuloy na ako sa pagsusulat ko para matapos na ako. Ayoko nang may gagawin pa mamaya.

“I trust you so much…”

“Anak” napatingin ako sa pintuan nang pumasok si Mommy roon, napatayo ako kaagad sumunod naman na pumasok si Daddy.

“Mom, Dad…” tawag ko at inayos ang coat ko. “Good evening po.” bati ko na siya’ng kinatango lang nila’ng dalawa. Dumiretso sila’ng dalawa sa sofa. Hindi pa din ako mapakali dahil alam ko’n ayaw na ayaw nila ang ginawa ko.

I don’t hear anything from them but I feel like they don’t want to, they don’t want to and they want me to stop. Pero ako hindi ko magawa. Hindi ko kaya.

“Anak, how are you here?” Daddy asked, looking at me with a smile.

Mommy, on the other hand, did not smile and just looked at me.

I hesitated to smile.

“It’s okay, Daddy” I sat down in my chair. “Kayo po ba? The bakery shop?” Tumango si Daddy na para’ng galak na galak pa sa akin, ang saya niya tignan. Hindi ko tuloy maiwasa’ng hindi mangiti nang mangiti kay Daddy.

“It’s okay, there are a lot of people. Joshua doesn’t want to leave there with your cousins.”

I still remember a few days when Joshua brought cakes when he came home and fed me all of them.Inaayawan ko na nga siya minsan dahil ang sakit na ng lalamunan ko sa matatamis. Sobrang tamis pa naman magbake ni Valerie.

May isa’ng beses pa na nagtampo siya sa akin kasi inayawan ko ’yung uwi niya’ng cupcakes para sa akin. Kahit paborito ko ’yung red velvet cupcake ’di ko pa din kinain muna dahil masakit ang lalamunan ko.

“Oo nga pala.” Daddy and I fell silent because Mommy spoke, Daddy lost his smile as I bowed slightly.

“Daddy, their debts are okay.” I was a little surprised.

Really? Okay na ’yung utang nila’ng pamilya? Hindi ko naman alam dahil hindi ko siya magawang tulungan, nagpapasuyo lang talaga ako kay Daddy minsan sa kanya.

“Really, Mommy?’ Hindi ko din maiwasang maging masaya kasi wala na sila’ng problema, hindi na siya pag-iinitan ng Daddy niya, hindi iyon magagalit sa kanya. Wala na din siya’ng problema.

And … he really kept what he promised he would fix. He really did. Still…I’m so proud of him kahit pa ganito ang ayos naming dalawa, kahit pa nasasaktan ko siya.

“Oo, anak. Grabe na ngayon ang mga natatanggap niya’ng gatimpla, next month ata ay pupunta siya sa Finland.”

Sa Finland? Kung saan roon kami kinasal ilang buwan nang nakalipas.

Natahimik ako. “He always busy…” putol ni Daddy, siya naman ang nagsalita. “Pero hindi siya nawalan ng oras kakatanong sa amin kung kamusta kana.”

“Talaga ba’ng hindi na kayo nagsasama sa isa’ng kwarto?” dagdag naman ni Mommy.

I also can’t help but be happy. Because I know he has no problem, he will not be difficult anymore.

“Oh, it’s your husband’s birthday today, there will be a party at home.”

What? Birhtday ni David?

My head shook slightly, seriously?

Daddy looked at me biting his lip.

“Uhh … now?”

“Yes, today, hija” Mommy leaned over. Hindi ko na alam kung ano’ng sasabihin ko kasi hindi ko talaga alam na ngayon pala ang birthday ni David. Same date ng kasal namin. March 11, kami kinasal habang ngayon naman ay September 11 din.

Ngit’ng-ngiti naman ako, hindi ko alam kung ano’ng gagawin ko. Ano pa’ng sasabihin ko. Hindi ko talaga alam. At nakakahiya sa pamilya ng asawa ko, sa pamilya ni David. Lalo na kay David kahit manlang birthday niya hindi ko alam.

Sobra na ’to’ng pinaggagawa ko sa buhay ko, hindi ko alam kung matino pa ako.

Ever since they told Mommy about David’s birthday especially when there was a party at the house where the two of us lived I was still quiet.

I do not know what to do.

The force of my chest throbbing, I was nervous without knowing it.

“What can I buy for him?”

None of my own words as I walked out of the company.I no longer notice those who greet me.

Myghad

“Agu?”

Ano kaya pwede ko’ng ibigay sa kanya? ’Yung sana kahit papaano ay magustuhan niya, ano kaya pwede? Maliban kay Joshua at Daddy wala na ako’ng lalaki’ng pinagbibigyan ng regalo.

Lalo na asawa ko siya, si David ang asawa ko tapos wala ako maibigay.

Kailangan ko ng magtanong kay David kung ano’ng pwede ko’ng ibiagy kay David.

“Agu!”

“Ay David!” Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko dahil sa gulat. Nnalalaki ang mga mata ko nang makita ko si Joshua sa harapan ko. Mpanukso niya ako’ng tinignan.

Narealize ko kung ano ’yung sinabi ko dahil nagulat ako.

“J-Joshua? A-Ano’ng ginagawa mo dito?” umiwas ako sa mga tingin niya nakakahiya, siya pala ang tumatawag sa akin si David pa ang nabanggit ko.

Masyado ako’ng nag-iisip kung ano ba ang dapat kung ibigay kay David.

“Hmm…nandito lang naman ako dahil pinapasundo ka ng pinakamamahal mo’ng asawa.” tumataas-taas pa ang kilay niya, nang-aasar nanaman siya. “Masyado mo ba’ng namimis ang asawa mo kaya pati ako na Joshua ang pangalan nagiging David na?”

Umiwas ako sa kanya at tinutulak ko na siya para makapasok na ako sa kotse ko, ’Tell me, Agu. Namimiss mo si David ’no?“

“Hindi! Tabi ka nga, Josh!”

“Weh? Eh bakit, David ang sinabi mo kanina sa akin?”

Ano’ng sasabihin ko sa kanya? Na iniisip ko kung ano’ng ibibigay ko kay David? Lalo niya ako’ng aasarin kapag nagkataon.

Pinasok niya ako s akotse habang inaasar pa din, siya na ang nagmaneho dahil lagot daw siya kay David kapag ako pa ang nag-drive kapag nagkataon na makita kami. Ngumuso ako dahil puro pa din siya David sa akin.

“Ay, David!” pang-gagaya niya sa akin.

“Iniisip ko kasi kung ano’ng ibibigay ko kay David.”

Tumahimik si Joshua, bigla’ng nagseryoso ang mukha niya.

“Agu, nakikita ko’ng sobra ka niya’ng mahal, hanggang kailan mo ba ’to gagawin sa kanya?”

Nilingon niya ako saglit. Tinignan sa mga mata.

“Iba na ngayon, I want you to be with David,”

Chapter 16

Tumahimik ako dahil sa sinambit niya, hindi ko din naman alam kung ano’ng sasabihin ko at kung ano ding ibig niya’ng sabihin. Alam na alam ko naman kasi’ng galit na galit siya kay David kaya naninibago din ako sa kanya.

“Why? galit ka kay David diba?” tanong ko, nilingon ko siya bahagya siya’ng nakasimangot at hindi pa inaasahan ang tanong na binigay ko.

“Wala, dapat ba may dahilan?” gatol din niya sa akin. Mukha’ng ’di talaga siya magpapatalo sa akin. “Gusto ko si David para sa’yo…ngayon…”

Hindi na ako nagsalita, alam ko naman kasi’ng ayaw niya talaga kay Travis, ayaw din niya, Halos lahat na ata ayaw niya para sa akin. Tapos ngayon si David, si David na halos awayin na niya ng awayin noon.

“Why? I don’t think you would prefer Travis even if you don’t like David.” he said while looking at the road.

I didn’t even look at him anymore, I just chose to look out the window.

I had a hard time, I also had a hard time. But I do not want to fool myself. I like Travis. Hindi ko lolokohin ang sarili ko kasi iyon naman ang totoo. Ayoko’ng ipilit kay David siguro nag-aalala lang ako kay Leigh noon kaya ganon ako.

Nawawala na din ako sa katinuan nong mga oras na ’yun dahil madami ako’ng iniisip. Nahihirapan ako. Aminado ako.

Especially since David doesn’t want to stop me, even though I’m completely away from him, he still doesn’t stop me. Hindi niya ako tinigilan, wala ako’ng na hindi niya ako kinakausap.

Iniiwasan ko palagi, wala’ng araw na hindi ko din siya iniwasan.

I keep thinking about what Josh said, there is nothing wrong with … what. TInignan ko si Josh na natahimik siya habang nakatingin lang sa daan. Hindi ko makuha siguro sadya’ng nasa iba lang

I think…I’m too focus to Travis…

I have nothing else to think about, I just want to be neat and quiet.

“I need to buy a gif–” I fell silent immediately when I thought of something.

“What? Gift?”

“No …” sumimangot ako, hindi pwede. Siguro pwede naman ako’ng bumili ng regalo pero hindi ko din iyon maibibigay kay David ngayong gabi…hindi ako makakapunta talaga. Hindi’ng-hindi ako makakapunta.

“Regalo? Bibili ka para kay David?” bakas pa sa kanya’ng boses na naging masaya pa siya.

Nilingon ko si Joshua bakas nga sa kanya na nabuhayan siya kaagad. Wala na ako’ng masabi sa kanya kaagad.

“I don’t know…may lakad kami ni Travis…” kumunot ang noo ni Travis at nilingon ako ng bahagya. Hindi pa ata siya kunentento sa sinabi ko, mkulang pa sa kanya. “May lakad kami…pero gusto ko’ng bumili ng regalo at…” Tumigil ako kaagad.

“Ikaw na lang ang magbigay para sa akin…” siya na lang ang magbigay. Hindi ko na alam pero ayoko’ng hindi makapunta sa lakad namin ni Travis.

“Paano ang party ni David?Hindi ka manlang ba pupunta?” Nilingon niya ulit ang daan, tahimik na nagmaneho. “Inaasahan ka ni David ngayong gabi…”

“Sorry..”

“Kahit manlang ngayon…sana naman kahit ngayon lang si David muna ang piliin mo.”

I did not speak at all. I also don’t know why I can’t choose David, even once I can’t seem to cope when I choose him …

I can’t do it, I don’t want to do it.

“I can’t choose him.”

“…”

Huminto ang kotse namin sa isa’ng shop. Npatingin ako, siguro kahit kwintas na lang din ang ibibigay ko kay David alam ko naman kahit ano ay magugustuhan niya.

“I don’t know why you don’t choose David, Agu.” nakahawak lang siya sa manibela habang nakatingin rito. Alam ko’ng wala na din siya’ng maitnindihan sa akin. Bata ako ayoko. Wala.

Hindi ko magagawa ang gusto nila na piliin ko si David, kahit pa hindi ko siya gusto. Hindi ko kakayanin.

“Ano’ng bibilhin mo kay David?” tanong niya at nilingon ako.

“Uhh..kwintas…” sambit ko kaagad. “Iyon na lang ang natatanging gusto ko’ng maibigay sa kanya. Hinawakan ko ang pintuan ng kotse. “Halika na, bumaba na tayo.”

“Agu,”

“Yes?”

“Please, ayoko namang pagsisihan mo ’to lahat. Hindi na nakikielam sina Sir Gomez sa’yo pero si David…” nagsusumamo ang kanya’ng boses. Nagmamakaawa na siya para kay David, si David na ang dahilan kung bakit ganito siya magsalita.

“Sorry…”

Tuluyan akong lumabas at pumasok ng shop. Kailangan ko nang mamimili ng regalo ko. Ano’ng oras na din naman at malapit na kami’ng magkita ni Travis. Magpapahatid na lang ako.

I looked at the necklaces, they were all free to see but I had no choice.

“Just choose, Maam” the saleslady told me. I smiled at Her. Nahiya pa ako dahil kanina pa din ako tingin ng tingin sa mga nakahanda roon.

I looked again at the necklaces and rings and earrings there.

“What do you want as a gift?” he asked. Nasa likod ko lang siya at hindi na matignan dahil na din sa abala ako sa kakapili ng bibilhin ko, “Mas maganda kung gold ang bibilhin mo…pareho ng wedding ring…nyo..”

I immediately looked at the wedding ring I was wearing, it was really gold. Maybe the gold I bought will fit.

“Is that good? I think maybe silver can also be …” I said softly.

“Uh..pwede din … ikaw na bahala”

Tumingin ako’ng muli. Meron din sa akin na gusto ko’ng bilhin ay ginto. Bagay na bagay iyon sa wedding ring naming dalawa ni David.

Natigil ang tingin ko sa isa’ng kwintas. Isa’ng Gold Plated Heart Shape Chain Love Heart Necklace. Wala na sa akin kahit pa pambabae ang napili ko. Iyon ang gusto ko’ng iregalo sa kanya.

“Magkano po ito?” tanong ko kaagad at tumingin sa babae’ng nasa counter. Tinuro ko ang napili ko’ng bilhin. “Lalaki kasi ang pagbibigyan ko,eto po ang napili ko.”

Josh looked at me and there I chose.

“It’s okay even for a woman, your husband will like that.” nakangiti’ng sambit niya. Ngumit ako pabalik at hinintay ko na lang ang binili ko sa babae.

Ilang minuto pa kami’ng naghintay bago nagbayad na. ’Thank you po“ nakangiti’ng sambit ko.

“Welcome po, Ma’am. Sana po magustuhan ng asawa n’yo”

“Excited na ako sa reaksyon ni David riyan.” Kahit pa nagbago nanaman ang tono ng boses nI Joshua, pinagbuksan niya ako ng pintuan. Tumigil pa ako at napatingin sa aking relo. Malapit na pala.

“Josh, ihatid mo na ako..” sambit ko. Hindi ko nilingon si Josh at pumasok na nang tuluyan sa loob. Magmamakaawa nanaman siya sa akin.

We were quiet while on the trip, I also never stopped looking at the gift I bought. Sana magustuhan ito ni David kahit pa hindi ako mismo ang magbibigay sa kanya, kahit pa hindi ako magpapakita sa kanya ngayong gabi.

’Salamat sa paghatid..“ nilahad ko ang regalo ko paglabas ng kotse. “Pakibigay na lang ito kay David…at pakisabi happy birthday” Bumaba ang tingin niya sa regalo’ng hawak ko. “I’m sorry..”

Nagtagal ang titigan naming dalawa ni Joshua, ayaw niya’ng tanggapin at gusto niya’ng ako mismo ang magbigay kay David. Dahan-dahan niya’ng kinuha ang supot na hawak ko. Hindi niya ako tinitignan.

“I’m sorry, Mag-iingat ka pauwi…”

“Hahanapin ka ng mga bisita…asawa ka ni David, Agu baka nakakalimutan mo.” Tinignan na niya ako. Bahagya’ng lumakas ang boses niya, hindi ako nagkakamali ng narinig.

Lumayo na ako sa kotse niya. “Mag-iingat ka sa pag-uwi, Josh. Paki bati na lang ako kay David…Salamat…” tinalikuran ko na siya at pumasok sa resto kung saan kami maghahapunan ni Travis.

“Hi,” sinalubong ako kaagad ni Travis pagpasok ko. Sa mesa ay naroon na ang mga pagkain anmin. Ako na lang talaga ang kulang. “Si Joshua ba ang naghatid sa’yo?”

Humawak ako sa kanya at hinalikan siya sa pisngi. Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at pinaghila ako ng upuan. Nakita ko pa ang pag-ngiti niya haabng ginagaw aiyon at nasa likod ko.

“Oo, pasensya na nalate ata ako…” malumanay na sambit ko. Pumunta na siya sa harapan ko at nakangiti’ng umupo roon. ’Kanina kapa ba rito?“

Bahagya’ng nawawala ang ngiti ko dahil na din sa sabay-sabay ang vibrate ng phone ko sa mesa.

“Hindi naman…tara kain na tayo…”

Kumain kami’ng dalawa ng madami’ng pinag-uusapan. Halos hindi naman kami mawalan ng pag-uusapan lalo na kung tungkol sa kompanya iyon. Minsan anman ay ang negosyo pa ng pamilya niya.

“Sa lunes…alis ako,” natahimik ako sa kanya’ng sinabi. Nag-angat ako ng tingin aalis siya? Sa lunes? Kaagad? Sabado ngayon isa’ng araw pa siya para manatili rito.

Hindi ako makapagsalita. Wala ako’ng masabi hindi ko naman pwede’ng hindi siya paalisn. “Saan?’ mahina’ng tanong ko.

“Sa Canada..balik ako ulit kailangan ko ng tulungan sina Daddy.” nagtagal ang tingin niya sa akin. “Isa o dalawa’ng buwan ako roon.”

I looked down at my plate again, I did not know what to say.

I’m used to him always being there. Para’ng hindi ako masasanay, ayoko namang maging immatured. I should not stop him even though I really do not want him to leave. I continued eating again.

I never heard him speak again.

Wala’ng wala na talaga. Hindi na talaga.

“Then, Leave it’s for your own good, Travis…”

Chapter 17

“Halika, maglakad-lakad muna tayo…” kinuha ni Travis ang kamay ko at masuyo’ng hinawakan ko. Napatingin ako sa kanya lalo na sa kamay naming magkahawak.

Iniisip ko pa din ang pag-alis niya. Iyon pa din ang iniisip ko, para’ng wala ako’ng matino’ng magagawa kung patuloy lang ako’ng mananatili roon. At isa pa meron sa akin na ayoko ko talaga’ng umalis si Travis.

Pakiramdam ko hindi ko kaya, para hindi na natural ’yung nararamdaman ko pero ayoko.

I don’t want him away, a week or two? that might not have been enough for him.

That is not enough, especially since I know they are busy people of his family.

“Don’t be sad … I’ll be back too …” mahinang asik niya habang naglalakad kami sa park. Madami pa ding mga tao’ng nakakasabay namin kaya kahit papaano ay hindi ako nilalamon ng nararamdaman ko.

“Iuuwi na lang kita mamaya…” nagtaas ako ng tingin sa kanya, sobra’ng tangkas niya hanggang braso lang niya ako. Sabay kami’ng naglalakad sa parke at sinasalubong din ang mga tao.

Hindi nanaman ako nagsalita, tahimik pa din ako wala ako’ng masabi talaga. Palagi pa ding pumapasok sa isip ko na aalis siya. Para’ng hindi ko man maisip kung ano’ng mangyayari sa akin no’n lalo na sanay nga ako sa kanya.

“Tara, bumili tayo ng dirty ice cream.” The two of us approached the seller of dirty ice cream.

“Hello po, bibili po kami.” tumingin sa amin si Kuya, ngumiti siya sa aming dalawa. “Dalawa po, Kuya”

The seller nodded and gave us each an ice cream.

“Thank you” Travis and I said together. Nag-abot siya ng bayad kay Kuya at umalis roon.

Travis and I walked again to sit on the benches near the plants.

“Do you know this is my favorite dirty ice cream.” My smile flashed on him. We are both.

“I like it, too. Daddy and I are the same” tumango-tango ako sa kanya. Gusto’ng-gusto ko talaga’ng nagkukwento siya sa akin.

Umupo kami’ng dalawa sa benches, bahagya siya’ng dumistansya. “Ikaw? Paborito mo din ba ’to?” patuloy ang kwento niya. Ako naman ay kumagat bago ko siya sinagot sa kanya’ng tanong.

“Oo naman, natutuwa nga ako dahil pareho pala tayo.”

‘Talaga?’ lalo siya’ng nangiti. I averted a little, I also could not hold back my smile. Even if I stop, it is still not enough.

I smile while eating ice cream

Naman, Agustina

“Look, Agu the galaxy is beautiful” I slowly looked at the galaxy.

That’s nice, very nice. The cold breeze still accompanies it.

“Oh …” Travis took off his coat. “I’m fine, wear this …”

I approached and put on what he had given me. “Thank you, Travis.” niyakap ko lalo ang sarili ko.

“Oh..can I come near to you? I want to hug you…” My chest throbbed as I looked at him. “I want…”

“Travis, you know I like you so much …” I said to myself as I stared at him. “You know … I don’t want you to leave”

“But you need …” I added.

“I’m sorry I’m used to you being here all the time …”

He approached me so I barely moved

“It’s okay, I’ll be right back …” I held my hand and kissed my forehead for a long time.

He pressed his lips too much on my forehead. Ramdam na ramdam ko siya sa harapan ko. Hinapit niya ako at mahigpit ako’ng niyakap.

“Ayoko’ng mawala dito ng matagal pero… pangako babalik ako kapag wala na ako’ng gagawin pa.” Kumapit ako sa likod niya, niyakap ko din siya pabalik. “Kaya sinulit ko na ang oras natin…uuwi kana din…”

“I always wanted to be with you, always.” His hug tightened. “You are too much for me”

I closed my eyes and felt his hug I will miss so much. I was very comfortable in his arms. Hindi ko na gusto’ng bumitaw pa sa kanya kahit kailan.

“Ayos ba naging lakad natin kanina?’ tanong ni Travis habang nagmamaneho na at nasa tabi niya ako.

“Oo naman, palagi namang maayos…” nakangiti’ng sambit ko sa kanya. Wala namang oras na hindi maayos kapag magkasama kami’ng dalawa. Palagi’ng masaya. Ngumiti siya muli at tumingin na sa daan.

Naging tahimik nanaman kami’ng dalawa habang nasa biyahe. Hindi na din ako nagsalita pa dahil talaga’ng kinakabahan na ako. Kanina pa mandin tunog ng tunog ang phone ko, alam ko’ng sina Daddy at mga pinsan ko na ang tumatawa.

Kinuha ko ang phone ko at nagbasa ng mensahe.

Cristal;

Agu, where are you? Hinahanap ka ng mga bisita

Mommy;

Wala ka ba’ng balak magpakita sa mga bisita dito? Sa asawa mo? Birthday ng asawa mo.

Wala sa sarili’ng bumuntong hininga ako. Binigyan ko na sila ng kahihiyan sa bahay, lalo na sa mga bisita at kay David. Hindi manlang ako nagpakita pa siguro wala ng tao roon ngayon. Kanina pa nagsimula.

I closed my eyes firmly. The first time I embarrassed them, I was ashamed of David’s family.

My face is too thick. Ang kapal pa talaga ng mukha na humarap kung kailan wala na roon. Hindi ko na makakausap pa ang mga bisita’ng kanina pa naghahanap sa akin.

My phone rang again, Daddy texted me.

Daddy;

Anak, where are you? I’ve been waiting for you here outside … your Mommy is angry

I know, Daddy. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.Sigurado ako’ng lalo’ng magagalit sa akn si Mommy sa ginawa ko’ng ’to.

I can no longer blame Mommy for doing this.I have other options and I almost disobeyed them. Hindi ko nga talaga magagawa’ng piliin si David kahit pa ngayong birthday niya.

“Here we are, Agu” I looked at the alley near our house.

“Hmm … thank you, Travis …” I turned to him, Nakita ko na kaagad si Daddy, nakatagilid siya at mukha talaga’ng naghihintay sa akin sa labas ng bahay.

“It’s okay, can I call you tomorrow?” ngumiti ako at tumango sa kanya. “Talaga?”

“Hihintayin ko ang tawag mo, Travis…”: hinawakan ko ang pintuan ng kotse niya. “Goodnigt’ lumapit ako at hinalikan siya sa pisngi. “Ingat ka pag-uwi…”

“Goodnight too, Salamat ngayong gabi…”

“Hihintayin ko ang tawag mo,”

My chest was pounding so hard as I walked closer to the house, I could see Daddy outside and restless.

I need to explain, Somehow Daddy knows who is with me …alam niya din ang lahat…

“Dad…” napatingin siya kaagad sa akin, nanlalaki ang mga mata. “I’m sorry…I’m late…” bumaba ang tingin ko sa mga paa ko. Ramdam ko ding hindi natutuwa si Daddy..kahit pa nandito siya sa harapan ko.

I felt him approach, he immediately grabbed my arm.

“I understand you … I see you can’t really choose David …” he hugged me completely. “And I see in David he can choose you over those you do not choose him …” Natigilan ako sa sinabi ni Daddy, ayaw na ayaw ko’ng pag-usapan. Dahil baka lalo lang madagdagan ang awa ko…

“Dad, hindi ko talaga kaya…ayaw na ayaw ko. Si Travis..”

“Alam ko, Anak…kaya nga masakit para sa asawa mo.” Bahagya ako’ng gumalaw para tignan si Daddy, gusto ko’ng may masabi sa kanya. Sa totoo lang wala ako’ng maintidihan bakit ganon na lang kabilis si David, nalasing lang? Bakit naman ganon.

“D-Dad, hindi ko po alam… ang bilis ni David..kaya hindi ako makapaniwala sa mga sinasabi niya.”

“He told me everything…” tumango si Daddy “Nabigla ako…kasi totoo namang mabilis..” hinagod niya ang braso ko. ’Wala namang mali.. Wala ako’ng nakikita’ng mali ko’ng mabilis siya’ng nahulog…nakaramdam…“

“Si Leigh, Dad…nasaktan niya si Leigh at doon lang ako nag-iisip…”

“Masakit isipin kay David na si Leigh pa ang iniitindi mo kesa sa kanya..” Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. “Alam… nag-away si Cris at David,” Umiling si Daddy. ’I want David too for you, Anak…He’s your husband.“

“I don’t like hime, Daddy. Siguro naawa lang ako sa kanya.”

“Ayos lang na maawa ka sa akin.”

Bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko ng marinig ko kung kanino’ng boses ang narinig ko, kaagad na napabitaw kami ni Daddy sa isa’t-isa. Nakita ko si David sa likod, nakangiti sa akin kahit pa puno’ng-puno ng lungkot ang mata.

“I-I can accept you just feel sorry for me …”

I was affected, this is one of the things I don’t like. I know not.

Also because of the light of the house, I looked down at his neck. I was even more embarrassed, ang kapal talaga ng mukha ko na magsabi ng hindi maganda.

Suot na niya ngayon sa mismo’ng harapan ko ang kwintas na binili ko kanina. Kumikot ang labi ko, ayoko ng ganito. Eto nanaman, ngayon na lang kami nagkita nasaktan ko nanaman siya.Wala na ako’ng ginawa kung hindi saktan niya.

“I-I’m glad to see you again … ’he walked towards me.

Please, David do not come near me.

“Y-You know… I liked your gift …” he held the necklace. “I really like it, Agu….”

“…” I just kept looking at her chest and necklace.

“I still can’t accept, Wifey …” I could hear her deep breaths obviously holding back. “I-I’m trying my best … for you … but you really liked someone else. Yung pinagseselosan ko pang tao.”

“Gusto’ng-gusto kita, alam ko’ng ayaw mo ’yung sinaktan ko si Le–”

“David, talaga ba’mng intindi mo si Leigh? Ayoko ng gul–”

“Alam ko.”

“I just think to myself, I just feel” He held my arm, fondly

Even though I didn’t want to look, even though I didn’t want to look at him, I looked.

“I put up with it, I can always cope. I don’t bother anymore … because I just don’t want to see you avoid me and walk away …” I could see how he could hold back his tears, his lips still trembling.

“It’s hard for me, I want to be with you but you want someone else …”

My chest ached as I watched him cry.

“I don’t want to cry … but I can’t be accepted … so maybe I’m hurting because I can’t accept … I will never be able to.”

I’m really so stupid

“Because even if I accept it, I still think that I should be the only one you choose, I am the only one you want.” Bumaba ang kamay niya sa kamay ko, humawak ng mahigpit. “Ako sana ’yung kasama mo…ako sana ’yung dahilan kung bakit ka masaya.”

Hindi pa din ako makapagsalita, nilamon ako sa nararamdaman ko at sa katangahan ko.

“I still hope even when there is no hope”

Chapter 18

I can only hear the heartbeat of the two of us because we continue to face each other.

“But…atleast….somehow you gave me something, even if it’s just your gift I’m happy …” sumilay ang peke niya’ng ngiti. Hindi na makakaligtas sa akin ang mga ngiti niya’ng hindi totoo dahil sa ginagawa ko.

“And…I’m happy because I see you again..” humina na ang boses niya.

“Sorry…H-Happy birthday…’ tanging nasabi ko na lang. Muli siya’ng ngumiti nanaman. Hinahamplos ang palad ko na hawak pa din niya.

“Thank you..” Lumapit sa akin at hinalikan ako ng matagal sa noo.

“Sobra’ng saya ko na dito..”

Kahit pa hindi ayos, nakita ko ang pagtango niya nang napipilitan. Yumuko ako’ng muli hindi nanaman ako makapagsalita, sa lagay ko na siguro hindi na ako dapat magsalita pa baka kung ano nanamang masabi ko.

“Are you okay?” muli siya’ng nagsalita. I felt different, embarrassed and annoyed again.

He is the one who is not okay but I am really the one he is asking, I am the one he cares about again.

I tightened my grip on Travis’ coat which I still wear. Mas lalo lang ako’ng nilalamig sa mga usapan naming dalawa. Hindi na ako mapalagay. Hindi ko na talaga alam kung ano’ng gagawin ko.

“It’s okay, I’m always okay … You’re the only one I care about … especially not me…the one you’re with …”

Yes, he is not the one I am with….

Naririnig ko ang mga singhap niya, sa mga naririnig ko alam kung nagpipigil pa din siya ng iyak, patuloy na gusto’ng umiyak pero pinipigilan. Dahil nakayuko ako nakita ko’ng tinatakpan niya ang mukha niya.

“A-Ang dami ko’ng g-gusto’ng sabihin…”

“Pero w-wala ako’ng karapatan…”

He feels something for me, I just don’t like the one who doesn’t know, I’m the only one who can’t understand him.

“Even though it hurts … I put up with it because I really like you …” he approached again and held my hand tightly. “i-I can’t do anything … b-because I see I have nothing against him” he said in a broken voice.

“I-I know I can … but when I see you happy with him I get weak” hinaplos niya’ng muli ang palad ko. “Hindi ko kailanman matatanggap na hindi ka sa akin…”

Pero kailangan mo’ng tanggapin…kailangan mo..

“Kailangan mo, David…” mahinahon na sambit ko.

“G-Gusto ko’ng ipilit kahit magmukha na ako’ng tanga…g-gusto ko’ng gawin kahit alam ko’ng magagalit ka sa akin…” naramdaman ko ang hininga niya sa noo ko. “Agustina, Totoo lahat ng nararamdaman ko at sinasabi…maniwala ka naman o.”

Umiling ako kaagad, umiling ako at ilihis ang kamay niya sa kamay ko. Paulit-ulit ako’ng umiling.

“Hindi, Hindi, David. Please ’wag mo nang ipilit pa.” Tinaas ko ang mga kamay ko habang umaatras, Ayoko ng lumapit pa siya sa akin. Ayoko nang maramdaman pa siya.

“Hindi mo ba ako pwede’ng piliin? Agu naman…” Nagmamakaawa siya siya sa akin habang lumalapit pa din.

“Hindi! Pwede ba , David tumigil kana, ’Wag ka nang lumapit pa sa akin!”

“Seryoso ako! Please piliin mo naman ako, Ako na lang…” humina ang boses niya. Umatras ako lalo kahit pa lapit siya nang lapit sa akin. I do not want to choose him because I am compelled and pity him. I do not want to choose just out of pity.

“No, I can’t choose you. Can’t you see everything I do? It never occurred to me to choose you.”

He stopped nearby, fell silent and looked at me as he was hurting. I could see in his eyes that he was very hurt by what I said. Napakagat sa labi niya at lalo’ng nagtubig ang mga mata.

Tangina, Agustina. I’m sorry, David…

I’m sorry…

He shook his head immediately as if he did not want to believe what I said.

“No, that’s not true, Agustina. I never believe you never saved your mind that you did not choose me.” patuloy siya’ng umiiling at umiiyak sa harapan ko. “Alam ko’ng hindi ’yan totoo…”

“Totoo…Ang manhid mo para hindi mo maramdaman.” Sobra na, kahit ako hindi ko akalain na mananakit ako ng ganito. Ang sakit ko magsalita.

“Agustina?!” Nakita ko ang paglabas nina Mommy sa bahay, nagmamadali’ng lumapit kaso pinigilan nina Joshua, “Teka, ano–”

“Please, Agustina, Choose me please…”

“Hindi…”

“I am your husb–”

Bumuntong hininga ako. Alam ko’ng mahirap ’to. Ilang beses ko na siya;ng sinasaktan nandito pa din siya, umaasa sa akin kahit wala’ng pag-asa.

“Teka, David, Tama na..” Lumapit si Tito Rafael sa anak niya. Hinawakan sa balikat at nilingon ako. Hindi nila nagugustuhan lahat ng pinaggagawa ko, nakakahiya ako sobra. Ang bait sa akin ng mga Gomez sisirain ko lang lahat iyon para sa iba’ng tao at sa iba’ng nararamdaman ko.

“No, Dad”Nilingon ako’ng muli ni David. “Agustina, Please I do everything. Please I will be good..” desidido’ng sambit niya sa akin. ’Hindi ako magkakaganito kung hindi totoo ang mga nararamdmaan ko…“

I don’t want to see him again, I can no longer do everything he says.

“Please, stop. I will never love you. I don’t like you”

Binalot kami kaagad ng katahimikan, kahit sila Mommy sa likod ay natahimik at nskstingin lang sa akin. Umiling ako kay David muli. “Ayoko sa’yo, sana maintindihan mo…”

Pinunasan niya ang mukha niya, huminga ng malalim habang umiiyak pa din.

“I’m sorry… I understand..I understand…” Bahagya siyang gumilid. ’Mom, Dad..sa bahay na lang po ako uuwi..“

Mbailis siya’ng umalis kasama kami. Sumakay siya kaagad sa kotse niya;ng nakaparada lang malapit sa bahay.

“Teka! Anak!” tawag ni Mrs. Gomez habang hinahabol ang anak niya. “Anak!”

Sobra’ng nakakahiya, nakakagago. Mali’ng-mali ang mga ginawa ko, Hindi ko na alam kung ilang beses ko na ’to’ng ginawa pa sa buhay ko. Sobra na ako’ng nakakasakita. Hindi ko na alam kung ano’ng gagawin ko sa buhay ko.

“Mag-uusap tayo!” sigaw ni Mommy pagkapasok na pagkapasok namin ng bahay. Tahimik kami kaagad lalo na ako, hindi ko siya magawa’ng lingunin. May takot pa pala ako sa lagay na ’to.

“M-Mom, I-I’m s-sorry..”

“Sorry? Pinagbibigyan na kita jan sa mga kalokohang ginagawa mo! Maski isang pakita lang kanina sa party hindi mo ginawa!” Ramdam na ramdam ko ang galit sa boses niya. “Ano ba’ng mahirap sa pumunta?!”

Bumaba nanamang ang tingin ko sa paanan ko. Tanging singhap at pagsigaw lang ni Mommy ang naririnig sa buo’ng bahay, kasama na din ang mga pinsan ko.

“Ano ba’ng meron sa Travis na ’yan at pati kami ng Daddy mo sinususway mo ha?!” Pinipigilan na siya ni Daddy kakasigaw. “Bitawan mo ko, Reynaldo, kinukunsinti mo ’yang anak  mo kaya sumosobra!”

Nanginig ang labi ko, totoo nga. Nakakapuno din lahat ng mga ginagawa ko, hinahayaan nila ako kay Travis pero mas malala lang pala ang ginagawa ko. “Hindi’ng-hindi na kayo magkikita ng Travis na ’yan!” sigaw niya’ng muli. “Pinagbibigyan na kita pero sumusobra kana, Anak. Hindi ko na gusto ang mga ginagawa mo.”

She turned her back on all of us here in the living room and went up to Daddy’s room.

I’m really too much, Mommy is so mad at me.I wiped my face and sat on the sofa, Daddy was silent. Tahimik sila’ng lahat.

Tinakpan ko ang mukha ko lalo, Wala din ako’ng magawa, hindi ko alam kung ano’ng gagawin ko. Ayoko ding naman mawala sa akin si Travis. Si Travis ang gusto ko at hindi si David, alam ko’ng naiintindihan ’yun nina Mommy.

But in our current situation, I still do more of the wrong things I do for other people.

“Dad…I’m really sorry…”

“Aalis na si David, Anak..” Nathimik ako. “Sa Finland…siya pupunta…”

“Ngayon na po ba talaga ang alis niya?”

’Hindi, Agu, pero sa nangyari alam ko’ng aalis na siya ngayon kahit ‘di pa niya araw.“ si Joshua ang sumagot sa akin. “Uhh…may iniwan sa akin si David…’

He took something from his jacket pocket. I looked there.

I saw a gold necklace with a moon engraved on the box he was holding. I was stunned and the look lingered there.

“When we left … he bought it for you …” I slowly reached for his hand. “He saw you and Travis at the mall while looking at the necklaces …”

“H-He saw us?”

“Kahit kanina, Agu… ako ang kasama niya habang tinitignan niya kayo ni Travis na masaya sa parke.” My lips trembled at what he said. I didn’t expect that, which is why I didn’t feel so good before.

“A-Ang saya mo daw … sana makita niya din ’yung saya mo kay Travis kapag kasama mo siya…sana sa kanya kana lang masaya”

I opened the box, my lips trembling even more as I looked at the beautiful necklace he had given me.

“He really loves you … I don’t see that he just wants you..I see more than that, Anak.” Si Daddy “He won’t beg you like that if he just wants you.”

“Hindi kami bulag dito lahat, nakikita namin kung gaano ka niya kamahal at kadesidido’ng mahalin mo siya. Palagi ka’ng wala rito kami ang nakakasama niya ang nakakausap.” Hinaplos ko ang kwintas na ibinigay niya sa’yo. ’Alam mo ba, sobra’ng saya niya kanina bago siya umalis, sobra’ng saya niya kasi binigyan mo din siya ng kwintas.“

“Dad…talaga’ng umalis si David kanina? para…sa akin?”

“Yes…” Narinig ko siya’ng suminghap. “Nauna lang sila’ng umuwi ni Joshua”

“Anak, David is really inlove with you. But now…he really did what you wanted … he’s now gone”

Chapter 19

“Uhm…myghad…” tinakpan ko ang mukha ko dahil sa ingay na naririnig ko. May tumatawag at ang aga-aga pa. Gusto ko pa’ng matulog ng mahimbing sobra’ng…napagod ang mata ko kagabi sa mga nalaman ko.

Kinuha ko ang phone ko at tinignan kung sino ang tumatawag.Gano’n na lang ang gulat na tatawag nga pala si Travis ngayong araw, nakalimutan ko na dahil sa sobra’ng dami ko’ng iniisip.

“Hi, Good morning, Agu” He said as soon as I answered his call.

“Uh..Good morning …” I said in a sleepy voice. I’m still really sleepy.

“Oh, did I disturb your sleep? I’m sorry I thought you were awake at this time” mahinahong sambit niya sa kabila’ng linya.

“Hindi naman, ayos lang ’yun. Travis. Nasaan kana?” bahagya ako’ng bumangon at sumandal sa headboard kama. Tinakpan ko ang katawan ko ng kumot dahil sobra pa din ako’ng nilalamig.

“Nasa biyahe pa din. Kakasakay ko lang din kaninang 4 am.”

“Kamusta ka naman?” tanong ko sa kanya kaagad. Hindi talaga ako sanay na wala siya dito. Nakakausap ko naman siya pero ngayon ang layo niya. Sobra’ng layo niya sa akin.

“Ayos naman ako…hindi lang din ako sanay…” natahimik ako kaagad. Dahil kagaya niya hindi din naman ako sanay. Mas gusto ko pa ding nandito si Travis nakikita at nakakasama ko. “

“Malayo-layo pa ang byahe ko, kaya naisipan ko na tawagan ka…” Nanatili’ng nakakaginhawa ang boses niya sa akin, hindi ko mapigilang mangiti niya. “Ano’ng gagawin mo ngayon?”

I thought about what I would do today, apart from the fact that I had nothing to do with the company. Mommy also told me that I should also handle her bake shop.

I also want to help my cousins ​​there, I have nothing to do.

“Tutulungan ko mga pinsan ko sa bakeshop ni Mommy, wala na din naman ako’ng gagawin sa kompanya ngayong araw.” Napakagat ako sa aking labi kahit naman paano ay kinakabahan ako ayoko namang mabanggit ko kay Travis ang nangyari kagabi.

“If you can, you can update me, I can read. I will always wait” Even if he doesn’t tell or remind me I will. “I’m already missing you, Agu.”

Napasinghap ako ng wala sa oras. Hindi ko nanaman maiwasang mangiti nanaman at matawa. “Ow, pinagtatawanan mo na ako ngayon, Agu”

“Namimiss na din kita, kaya bilisan mo’n umuwi, ha?”

“Hindi pa ako nakakarating pinapauwi mo na ako” Narinig ko ang halakhak niya sa kabila’ng niya. Ayan marinig ko lang siya ayos na ako ulit. Ayos na ayos na ako.

He is what I need, I need.

“Have a nice day, Agu. Fix it yourself and leave later.”

“How about you?” I asked and stood up. I looked in the mirror and spent some time there. I really don’t have much sleep. I caressed my face, I do not know but I feel weak now.

“I’m going to rest too, Enjoy your day, Agu.”

“Call us later. Be careful, Travis.”

“Yup, take care always, bye”

Binaba ko na ang phone ko. Tinignan ko muli ang sarili ko, ang dami ko nanamang naiisip talaga namang halo-halo na lahat. Ang dami ko’ng problema siguro kung hindi ako lalayo kay Travis patuloy lang magiging ganito.

Dahil..hindi naman ganito lahat…pero ginusto ko pa din. Talaga;ng ginawa ko.

“Ow, it’s your fault to trust me”

Natigilan ako sa naalala ko’ng linya ni David sa panaginip ko, naalala ko nanaman. Palagi ko na lang naalala ang lahat ng panaginip ko sa kanya. Hindi na ako natahimik kahit kailan.

It was my fault everything happened, we were not in the settlement of their debt separated, David and I separated because I did not like him. We separated and I don’t know when to meet again.

“Maybe, Travis is right … Davis is my husband because of his debts …” ginulo ko ang buhok ko sa sinabi ko nanaman. May parte sa akin na naniniwala naman ako kay David, kaya siguro naaawa ako. Umiling ako kaagad.

Hindi, hindi talaga.

“I’m sorry, David…” wala sa sarili’ng banggit ko, palagi ako’ng magsosorry hanggang sa mawala lahat ng hindi maganda niya’ng nararamdaman sa akin. Ano ba’ng dapat ko’ng gawin? Ano na ba ang tama?

“Nandito na tayo, Agu” nilingon ko si Cristal na kinalabit na ako mula sa backseat, nasa harapan kasi kami ni Joshua kasama ko ang iba ko pa’ng pinsan. Nakatingin sila’ng lahat sa akin.

“Ang lalim ng iniisip mo, Agu…” dagdag ni Josh sa tabi ko, tinitignan ako. “Huwag mo nang masyado’ng isipin ang lahat.”

“Hindi natin mapipilit ang tao’ng may iba ng mahal kaya naiintindihan ka namin.” Si Valerie. “

I remained bent over and quiet, I knew they would know and they would all know that.

“I can’t let go of everything …” hinawakan ko ang pintuan ng kotse. “Tara na, pumasok na tayo” nauna ako’ng lumabas at hindi na sila hinintay pa. Bumibigat lang lalo ang nararamdaman ko kapag may nakakasama ako.

Sometimes I really get used to not being with anyone. I feel like when I’m with someone I just don’t act well. Maybe … even if I can’t or I prefer to be alone.

I entered the shop, Mommy’s workers looked at me here in the shop and they immediately smiled at me. I also noticed that the other two workers were waiting for some time.

“Hi, Good morning, Miss Del Mundo” they greeted me with a smile on their face. “We are happy to visit you here”

I smiled back. The number of opportunities I have to come here I have never done before.

“Good morning, I’m sorry I just visited. Kamusta naman kayo?” lumapit ako sa table, wala pa namang tao at may ilang naghahanda pa din.

“Cheese bread at kape po, Ma’am Agustina…” nilapag ng isang babae ang hinanda para sa akin. Kaunti lang naman ang kinain ko kanina kaya ayos lang din na kumain ako ulit.

“Ayos naman po..”

Wala kami’ng ginawa sa umaga’ng ’to kung hindi magbake ng magbake sa kusina, ang dami na ding customers na nagsipuntahan pagkatapos ng dalawa’ng oras. Hindi din ako tumigil sa kakagawa ng ilang cupcakes, breads at cakes.

Minsan naman ay nakikipagkwentuhan pa ako sa ilang customers, nalaman pa nila’ng anak ako ng may ari. Hindi ko din masisisi dahil talaga namang sikat na sikat ang bakeshop ni Mommy, nagbabake siya kapag hindi siya busy sa kompanya kasama si Daddy.

Mommy’s works are delicious, which my cousins ​​and I like, when she comes home from the bakeshop she always comes home with me with black forest cake or cupcakes.

Now I don’t taste it anymore because Mommy doesn’t have time to bake because they are both so busy.

“Agu, patikim nga kami ng cupcakes mo” hindi pa ako nakakapagslaita ng kumuha na sila Maya ng cupcakes sa tray, mabuti na lang tayo sinobrahan ko iyon para may makain din kami.

“Wow, ang sarap naman!” si Valerie, mabilis ang pagkain sa cupcake nagawa ko. “Sarap mo palang magbake ng red velvet cupcake. Mana ka talaga kay Tita Amy”

“Oo nga, ang sarap naman”

Kumuha ulit si Cris sa tray, ang bilis niya’ng kumain kaya sinasaway siya ng kapatid niya. Siya nanamana ang makakaubos ng mga ito.

“Talaga, Masarap? Natuto ko lang ’yan kay Mommy noon” kahit bata pa ako no’n talaga’ng tinuruan niya ako.

“Oo, magtira nga tayo para mamaya may kakain tayo ulit.”

“Kuya, tama na ’yan, wala na tayo’ng kakainin mamaya” hinila ni Cristal si Cris palayo sa tray kasi talaga’ng hindi niya titigilan iyon hangga’t may nakikita siya.

I just laughed while also eating one of the cupcakes I made.

“Because Agu’s bake is delicious, Sis” he put his arm around his twin.

“Your hand is heavy.” Cristal shouted immediately.

“Ay sus, I love you” natawa pa kami dahil yung yakap ni Cris sa kapatid niya parang papatayin na niya sa sobrang higpit. Tinutulak siya ng kapatid niya na halata’ng naasar na sa kanya. “Hindi mo ba love si Kuya?”

“Yuck, Kuya”

Naghalakhakan kami lalo sa kusina, ang galing talaga mabara ni Cris, siya kasi ’yung tipo na kambal na sobra’ng sweet kay Cristal pero si Cristal naasar lang sa kanya kahit saan niya tinignan.

Natigil ako sa kakatawa ng marinig ko ang pagtunog ng phone ko, kinuha ko iyon sa bulsa at tinignan kung sino ang tumatawag. Nagulat ako ng makita ko kung sino ’yung tumatawa.

Si Tito Gomez?

“Uhh…Sagutin ko lang ’to’ng tawag.” hindi ko na sila hinintay na magsalita. Lumabas ako ng kusina at lumabas nanaman ulit ng bakeshop mismo. Sobra’ng lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko, para’ng wala ata ako’ng masasabi.

“Hello, Hija… nasaan ka? Nandito ako sa tapat ng bakeshop n’yo” natigilan ako at nagpalinga-linga sa tapat ng bakeshop, ang dami’ng nakaparada kaya hindi ko din makita kung ano’ng kotse si Mr. Gomez.

“Po? Nasaan po kayo?”

Narinig ko ang tawag niya sa kabila’ng linya.“Nandito pa din ako sa loob ng kotse, pasensya na inaayos ko lang ang sarili ko.” Nahiya ako kaagad, ako pa ’yung nahiya. “Oh, eto na”

I immediately shifted my gaze to the car that opened in front, my throat drying as I looked at Mr. Gomez waving at me as he walked closer.

“Hello, Hija. Ang pala talaga ng bakeshop ninyo” he smiled as he looked at the bakeshop.

I really thought he and David left the country.

Hindi pa din ako nagsalita, wala ako’ng masabi sa mga puri niya sa shop. “Ah, Hija. Pwede ba tayo’ng mag-usap?”

Chapter 20

Tahimik ako’ng naghahanda ng ihahain para kay Mr. Gomez na naghihintay na sa aming table sa labas. Ang lalalim ng mga hininga ko habang naghahanda.

“Si Mr. Gomez, gusto ka’ng makausap?“singgit ni Joshua, nililingon ako dahil hindi matagal ang paningin ko sa mga nakahanda. Narinig ko ang singhap nina Valerie sa likod.

“Baka tungkol sa anak niya?” Si Abby, nilingon ko siya kaagad at nagtama ang panigin naming dalawa. Siguro nga tama siya, tingin ko naman sa anak niya talaga ang pag-uusapan namin ngayong umaga.

“Siguro kay David talaga… “ mahina ko’ng sambit at binitbit na ang tray para lumabas. “Alam ko kay David lang..kahit ko naman na talaga’ng nag-alala siya ka…gabi..” Sobra’ng dami ng nagyayari sa akin lalo na ngayong araw.

Talaga’ng hindi gumagaan ang pakiramdam ko sa magiging lagay na ito. “Lalabas na ako.” paalam ko sa kanila at lumabas na ng kusina.

Napatingin sa akin si Mr. Gomez at tumayo akala ko kung ano’ng gagawin niya kinuha niya sa akin ang tray na hawak ko na madami’ng nakahanda’ng kakainin naming dalawa lalo na sa kanya.

“Uh..” ngumiti lang siya sa akin habang nilalapag ang tray na dalaw niya sa table. Napatingin ako kay Mr. Gomez talaga’ng malaki ang pagkakamukha nila ni David. Muli ko nanamang naalala ang usapan namin ni Daddy tungkol sa hindi daw anak ni Mr. Rafaela ng asawa ko.

“Have a seat, Hija…” pinaghila ako ni Mr/ Gomez ng upuan, kahit ayoko, kahit na hihiya ay wala na ako’ng nagawa kung hindi umupo na lang sa upuan na hinila niya para sa akin, “Huwag ka’ng mahiya sa akin” narinig ko ang halakhak nito.

Talaga’ng hindi malalayo ang ugali ni David sa kanya, nakikita ko din ang pagiging maloko nito lalo na noong inaasar ako.

I remained silent, kinakabaha ako lalo nang umupo na siya sa harapan ko. Kaagad niya’ng nilapag sa cupcakes at isa’ng strawberry juice na para sa aming dalawa.

“Uh..sa totoo naman wala naman siguro’ng magulang na hindi masasaktan din doon.”

Starting with Mr. Gomez, I looked at him even though I didn’t want to. He nodded slightly at me. “You know, Hija I understand you so much” he folded his hands that landed on the table. “And I also understand my son no matter what he feels”

Ako lang naman ’yung hindi makaintindi, ako ’yung wala ding pakielam sa nararamdaman ng anak niya. Ako lahat.

Hindi ako nagsalita, halata’ng-halata kay Mr. Gomez na madami pa siya’ng sasabihin sa akin. Madami ilang araw at buwan ba naman ako’ng wala kay David at hindi ko alam kung ano’ng nangyayari.

Because I really never understood David and I had no intention of understanding him.

“I don’t know where it all started and why it’s just like that …” he said gently. Napatingin ako dahil pareho lang din pala kami ng nararamdaman.

“Nakikita ko’ng mahal ka ng anak ko.” napahawak siya sa kanya’ng batok. “Nakita’ng-kita namin iyon ng asawa ko, hindi iyon maalis sa amin. Dahil totoo’ng tapat siya sa’yo hindi ko nakita’ng nagseryoso si David sa mga babae’ng nakarelasyon niya noon.”

Natahimik ako, mas naniniwala pa ata ako sa mga magulang niya kesa sa kanya. Hindi ko talaga makita kung ano’ng mali, ayaw ko’ng saktan si David pero lalo ko lang pinapalala ang lahat lalo ko siya’ng sinasaktan.

“Hindi ko naman ito sinasabi sa’yo para maaawa ka sa akin at sa anak ko, sinasabi ko ’to sa’yo para kahit paano naman ay makita mo’ng seryoso ang anak ko…” Muli siya’ng uminom ng strawberry hindi na sa akin ang tingin.

“I’m sorry, Tito …” I could only say again, until he said Daddy, I can only say sorry.It’s unfortunate … I’m just sorry and the situation is getting worse for his son. Hindi din ako natutuwa pero ganito pa din.

“Alam mo ba, kapag nagiging tapat ka sa kanya sa totoo’ng nararamdaman mo, sa totoo’ng hindi mo siya kaya’ng mahalin. Mas lalo ka niya’ng minamahal.”

David, ano ba ’to?

“Totoo’ng-totoo ka sa sinasabi mo, talo’ng-talo daw siya…hindi niya mapilit kahit gusto niya…”

I held on tightly to the hem of my dress, here we are again very complicated when it comes to how David feels. I feel different when it comes to how David feels for me, I can’t.

Because at first I was the loser, I was the loser. I don’t see David losing to me because I just showed what should be.

“I’m sorry … I didn’t like everything.” I sighed and looked at him slightly. “I just told you what was true of David.”

We both met. I got nervous.

“I see nothing wrong with what you did, Hija …” pilit an ngiti ang ibinigay niya sa akin. “Naging tapat lang naman akyo ni David sa isa’t-isa kahit pa mas masakit sa anak ko ang nangyari…”

“Sorry mukha’ng mali ata ang mga sinabi ko, mukha’ng ata pa ang magbibigay sa’yo ng gulo, Hija” Nagreact ako kaagad sa sinabi niya, sa totoo lang ako ’yung nanggulo, ako talaga.

“Hindi po, Tito, hindi po ’yan totoo. Naiintindihan ko naman po kung bakit nais ninyo ako’ng makausap ngayon. Sinaktan ko po ang anak niya..” Nagtagal ang tingin sa akin ni Tito, sobra’ng tagal at kita’ng-kita ko ang lungkot sa mga mata niya.

“We all understood with my wife, especially the two of you and David, we know what will happen since our son falls for you … “ Bahagya’ng nanlaki ang mga mata ko, He smiled awkwardly “We don’t know if we can do anything to our son during the crying time … we said something but it was still not enough because of his feelings …”

Totoo nga…

“Our son is really inlove with you…” tinignan ang mga mata ko. “And … believe me or not even if my son is not here for a few years, when he comes back he will not lose his feelings for you” ngumiti. “At gagawa at gagawa ng paraan si David para sa’yo…tandaan mo sinunod lang niya ang gusto mo’ng mawala siya sayo…”

After Tito and I talked, he quietly said goodbye to me. I almost never delivered him just because I stayed in my place.

Tito Gomez’s words are a stamp on my mind. I can’t blame him for what he said.

“Anak?” I looked at Daddy who was in the living room. “Oh, pasok kayo mga hijo.hija” pumasok kami’ng lahat at lumapit sa kanya at nagmano kami’ng lahat. Napansin ko namang wala talaga si Mommy.

“Dad, si Mommy?” umupo ako sa tabi niya, umupo naman si Maya sa tabi ko at sina Valarie naman ay nasa kabilang sofa. Humiga naman si Joshua sa isa pa’ng mahabang sofa.

“Nasa kusina, naghahain na.” Niyakap ako kaagad ni Daddy, umusog ako lalo sa kanya para makayakap din ako. I immediately felt relieved when I felt his arm, he hugged me tightly.

“You’re so tired, Anak …” those with us looked at me. They already know why.

Daddy kissed me on the forehead, caressing my back. “After eating, all of you rest …” he said gently. “Bukas naman makakasama ninyo kami ng asawa ko sa bakeshop.”

“Kain na.” nagtama ang paningin namin ni Mommy nang lumabas siya ng kusina. Nagsitayuan naming kami’ng lahat, humawak ako kay Daddy habang papasok kami sa kusina.

Tahimik lang ako habang kumakain, kausap naman kasi ni Mommy ang mga pinsan ko, hindi ko siya masisisi kung hanggang ngayon ay masama ang loob niya sa akin. Sobra’ng mali naman kasi ng ginawa ko, talaga’ng sinuway ko sila’ng dalawa ni Daddy.

Ang haba ng usapan nila, nanatili pa din ako’ng tahimik wala naman ako’ng sasabihin at hindi naman ako ang kinakausap. Kaya mas maigi’ng huwag na lang din ako’ng magsalita pa.

Pinagbibigyan ako nina Mommy sa mga gusto ko pero talaga’ng sumobra ako at hindi nila kinatuwa, lalo na sa party. Hindi manlang ako nakapunta sa party ni David iyon na lang ang pakiusap nila sa akin, madali na lang hindi ko pa nagawa dahil as pinili ko’ng makasama si Travis kahit alam ko’ng mapapagalitan ako.

I need to change, not porket they support me I always think only of myself.

I really need to understand others …

My phone rang, Travis was calling. Napatingin ako ng matagal pangalan niya. Nararamdaman din ako ng kirot dahil pamilya ko ’yung naapektuhan din sa ginagawa naming dalawa. Alam ko namang hindi sapat ’yung salita’ng mahal namin ang isa’t-isa para suwayin na ang lahat.

Tanging si Travis ang intindi ko palagi kaya nagkakagulo, nahihirapan ang lahat at hindi na magkaintindihan.

“Hindi pwede’ng sarili lang natin ang iintindihin natin, Travis…” nasabi ko habang tinitignan patingin ang pangalan niya sa screen. “I also need to understand everything…not so just focus on love…”

Chapter 21

The next day I woke up early because I felt I was not the only person in my room, what time did Travis and I sleep last night. Yes I still answered his call.

“Uhm ..” I removed the blanket that covered my whole body especially my face to see who was fixing my cabinet.

“Dad?” I said sleepily, he was fixing my clothes and seemed to be looking for something else. “Dad … what did you do?” nilingon niya ako kaagad pagkatapos ko’ng magsalita. Napakamot siya sa kanya’ng buhok.

“I’m sorry, nagising kita. Naghahanap lang ako ng pwede mo’ng suotin…”

Nangiti ako kaagad na siya’ng kinangiti niya din. Ngayon lang ulit ginawa ni Daddy na nahanapan ako ng damit ulit. Noong bata ako pag-aalis kami siya ang naghahanap ng isusuot ko imbis na si Mommy ang gagawa, siguro nga close na close talaga kami ni Daddy.

“D-Dad…” sinubsob ko ang mukha ko sa unan ko, “Dad, ang aga naman po” Naramdaman ko ang paggalaw ng kama dahil umupo si Dad sa paanan ko. “Aalis na po ba tayo?” dagdag ko nanaman.

“Gusto kasi ng Mommy mo na maaga’ng pumunta sa bakeshop, lalo na dumadami na ang nagpupunta roon.” muli ako’ng nag-angat ng ulo para tignan ko na si Daddy, nakita ko namang sinisilip niya ako mula sa pagkakahiga ko. “Nag-aayos na si Mommy mo sa baba, hindi na makaakyat dito”

Nagbago ang itsura ko, binanggit nanaman ni Daddy si Mommy. Hindi ako sanay na hindi kami ayos lalo na ako din naman ang may kasalanan. Mali’ng-mali ako ng ginawa at naging desisyon.

I finally straightened up and got up. I leaned on the head board of the bed and looked at Daddy without taking his eyes off me.

“Dad, Mom I know she is very angry with me ..” I saw how Dad’s lips moved because of what I said. “Alam ko po, Dad ramdam na ramdam ko po’ng hindi pa din ako ayos kay Mommy..” yumuko ako at hinigpitan ang hawak sa kumot ko.

I felt my eyes get wet, I felt heavy pain in my chest.

Maybe Mommy is just waiting for my change, that she will let me think about what she said before. I know in case I think too much and I can’t make my own decision. Naghihintay lang naman sa akin si Mommy.

“Anak, Alam mo’ng hindi kana bata…malaki kana…” Daddy approached me slightly to hold me in my hand still holding my blanket tightly. “We thought you could understand us … you know us when we say something to you we know you can understand.”

I slowly loosened the grip on the blanket. That’s right, Daddy is right when they tell me something they want me to understand and think about but I didn’t.

I didn’t because I preferred my own preference. I violated that. just now.

“But you didn’t …” Daddy’s voice became even weaker. “We understand why you didn’t … but that’s all we told you you didn’t obey …” he squeezed my hand. Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya.

“You did it because you know we will force you to force David, which is not …” he reached for my face “You just love, Anak, We know that” lumapit ako kay Daddy at mabilis siya’ng niyakap.

Totoo, nagmahal ako at sa una’ng nagmahal ako nasuway ko lahat, sinuway ko sina Daddy lalo na si Mommy na hindi ayaw niya ginawa niya. Kahit pa mukha’ng napasama ako sa mga bisita noong birthday ni David.

“I-I’m sorry, Daddy…” humigpit ang yakap ko sa kanya habang umiiyak, siguro kung tama lang ang ginawa ko hindi ako iiyak ng ganito. Hindi ako masasaktan, hindi magagalit sa akin si Mommy.

“Kausapin mo si Mommy mo mamaya…ikaw lang naman ang hinihintay no’n at hindi naman ako mapapaakyat dito kung hindi niya sinabi.” narinig ko ang pagtawa niya. “Alam mo naman iyong Mommy mo na iyon”

Hnaplos-haplos niyang buhok habang nakasubsob ang mukha ko sa balikat niya, para’ng ayaw ko ng bumitaw sobra’ng sarap sa bisig ni Daddy, sobra’ng nakakaginhawa kapag yakap niya ako.

“Want din ni Mommy mo ng lambing” napuno kaagad ng tawa namin ang kwarto ko, ang hilig niya talaga’ng asarin si Mommy sa akin, kita ko din namang mahal na mahal niya.

I see them both sometimes, because they are not very tender with me but I still smile at their tenderness when it happens. I love their relationship so much, even though they are old, they still love each other very much.

Love was still there, I did not see lost.

Pagbaba namin ni Daddy, nakaligo na ako lahat-lahat nakita ko sina Valerie na nagkakagulo sa may sala. Hinanap kaagad ng mga mata ko kung nasaan si Mommy pero hindi ko siya nakita roon.

“Ano ba? Kung gusto niya’ng balikan, edi balikan” napakamot sa ulo si Maya habang tinitignan kami’ng dalawa ni Tito pababa ng hagdan. “Hi, Agu, Good morning!” ngiti niya kaagad.

Napatingin na sila’ng lahat sa akin at bumati na din. Pumasok si Daddy sa kusina para nahanapin si Mommy at ako naman ay lumapit sa mga pinsan ko, Si Cristal ay nakatingin lang sa akin.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ’yung sinabi ni Maya kanina, hindi ko naman alam kung sino ang mga may lovelife sa mga pinsan ko. Naalala ko lang noon habulin sila ng mga lalaki. Umupo ako sa tabi ni Cristal, sa dulo.

“Ano’ng pinag-uusapan n’yo?” tanong ko kaagad. “Ano’ng babalikan?” dagdag ko pa sa kanila. Hindi ko naman alam talaga ang pinag-uusapan nila. Maingay pa sila noong bumaba kami ni Daddy. Napapatingin ako dahil nakasimangot pa si Abby kay Valerie na para’ng gusto na niya ’to’ng patayin.

“Ayan, si Valerie hindi na nga pinili. Pinipilit pa” tinuro ni Abby si Valerie na nakasimangot na bumaling sa akin. “Babalikan niya daw kung kailan may iba na ’yung lalaki”

“Oo naman, jusko wala sa lahi natin ang tanga, Valerie” dagdag naman ni Maya inis na inis nila’ng tinitignan si Valerie, ako naman hindi ko alam kung ano’ng sasabihin ko.

Cris turned to me, I was surprised because it looked like they were going to talk to me again, which I did not know what to say.

“Agu, do you have anything to say to choose Valerie?” Cris even laughed as he asked. Napahawak ako sa aking batok. “Pinili ka naman, any tips?” dagdag nanaman niya.

“Ano’ng any tips? Pinili ba ako?” Hindi ko naman kasi alam kung ano ’yung sinasabi nila’ng piliin.“I don’t know what you say you chose” I heard Maya and Abby laugh, they laughed as they looked at me.

“Agu, you don’t seem to love if you don’t know the choice and come back” Cristal patted my shoulder even though he was holding back a laugh.

“Chosen to be loved, Agu” Joshua joined us, I came to him and all of them.

“Ako ba pinili?” napakamot nanaman ako sa ulo ko, wala talaga ako’ng maintindihan.

“Nino? Ni Travis?” sunod ko nanamang tanong na sila’ng kinatahimik nila, kumikot ang labi nina Abby nang tumigil sa pagtawa.

“Yes, you were chosen. David chose you” I saw Cris stare at me, they both looked at Joshua. My female cousins ​​just looked at me, did not speak. Cris’ words are probably too serious.

“We haven’t seen Travis choose you yet.” Abby spoke.

“David is really what we are referring to” Cristal held my hand.

Hindi ako nagsalita, alam ko na. Hindi ko naman alam kung ano’ng nangyari kung bakit ako pinili ni David. Dahil mahal niya ako? Ganon naman pinili ko si Travis kasi mahal ko siya. Hindi malalayo sa aming tatlo ang salita’ng pili.

I have not even seen or felt that Travis chose me, whether he chooses me or he is not the one I will choose.

“Maybe if Travis didn’t choose me I wouldn’t regret loving him.” I said, they were all looking at me. “David and I both chose, he chose me because he loves me. And I chose Travis because I love him”

It hurts to hear yes, but that is the truth. That is what I want to say.

“When do people choose us? Every choice has a reason” I leaned on the sofa. “And there is also a reason why we are not chosen” hinawakan ko ang mukha ko at umiling. “Hindi ko masasabi’ng mali ako, hindi ko naman maiwasang maramdaman ang mga dapat ko’ng maramdaman kay Travis…”

“Kahit pa kita’ng-kita ko’ng lubos ak’ng pinipili ni David, hindi ko siya magagawa’ng piliin dahil lang sa awa.”

“Ang dami’ng tao” sinabi kaagad ni Abby habang nakakapit sa akin paglabas namin ng Van madami nga talaga’ng tao ngayon sa Bakeshop. Nauuna sina Mommy sa harapan namin papasok na sa bakeshop at nang makapasok ay binati at sabayngiti sa kanya ng mga trabahador niya.

“Ang lamig pa naman ngayon, kaso mukha’ng iinit dahil ang dami’ng tao sa loob.”

Napapatingin sa amin ang mga kumakain ng pumasok kami. Wala naman kami’ng nagawa kung hinid ngumiti na lang din dahil kilala namin ang ilang kumakain. “Tita! Ipagbake ninyo nga po kami ulit ng Black Forest Cake, si Agu po masarap din gumawa pareho po kayo!” nagsisigaw si Cris sa may counter, naroon si Mommy napatingin sa akin.

“Really?” sumilay ang ngiti sa labi niya habang tinitignan ako. “Hindi ko akalain mamana mo ang akin.” hindi ko maiwasan ang ngiti ko, kinakausap na ako ni Mommy nakikita ko nanaman ang mga ngiti niya.

“Mana talaga sa inyo, Tita” halata’ng binobolo na ako ng mga pinsan ko sa Mommy ko. Napapanguso ako dahil ang dami nila’ng kindat sa akin. Hindi na kami nagkausap pa pagkatapos noon inuna muna namin ang mga customers na papapasok at papalabas ang gawain. Mas madami’ng nag-iistay kaya todo kami galaw sa loob.

For a few hours we were like that, we could hardly have a snack because we didn’t have time yet. We have to work hard.

Especially because of Abby so many young male stay in the shop, they will not leave until Abby’s number is obtained. “Omy! I don’t want to! I don’t bet on them!” its shout out men. Inis na inis siya’ng nagpupunas ng mesa.

“Ang ganda naman, Abby! Sarap mo namang ilampaso sa mesa na pinupunasan mo” asar sa kanya ni Valerie habang ginagawya pa ang boses ng mga lalaki kanina.

“Baka, babae ang gusto mo, kaya ayaw mo sa kanila” nangiti ako kaagad sa sinabi ni Maya. “Omy tatlo na baliko sa atin.” hindi ko maiwasang matawa sa sinabi ni Maya.

“Ang kapal ng mukha mo, Val! Wala ka’ng awa!” Himutok nito sa kanya, patuloy pa din ang pagpupunas nila ng mesa habang ako at si Mommy at nag-aayos ng counter. Napapatingin ako habang nagbibilang siya roon, hindi ko maiwasang mapanguso.

Kailangan ko nang kausapin si Mommy at mag-sorry sa mga ginawa ko. Nagkakaintindihan naman kami ako lang talaga ang pahirap sa lahat ng bagay at sitwasyon.

I slightly leaned over Mommy, she was still counting there. I couldn’t help but pout because he wasn’t looking at me.

“Mom, I’m sorry” I played with my two hands holding hands.

I can still hear Valerie screaming. “Sino’ng type mo? Si Maxl ’yung maganda’ng photographer sa school ninyo? Type kaba?”

“Wow, Valerie, type kaba ni Fiel?” bara ni Abby sa kanya. Nagtawanan at nagkakagulo na sila sa harapan. Dumadagdag pa ang nakakaloko’ng tawa ni Cris.

“Sana hindi kayo mahal ng mga mahal n’yo!” sigaw ni Abby inis na ihahampas na sana kay Cris ’yung basahan na hawak niya.

“Mom … I will never do what I did again.” I remained bent over his side, he had not looked at me yet. I was so nervous about him. “I’m sorry, I’m correcting all my mistakes, Tra– and me–”

“Your Daddy and I don’t care  who you love, we just hope you follow what we said … that … you will attend David’s party” nilingon na niya ako, napakagat ako sa aking labi nang tignan din siya. “Iyon lang ang gusto naming sundin mo dahil alam naman naming hindi mo mamahalin si Daddy dahil sa kasunduan.”

“M-Mom …” I did not know what to say again.

“I want you to know what your faults are, you know a lot if you understand what we are saying” He reached out my hand. “Daddy doesn’t force you on what we know you can’t do, we just want you to listen while we support you.”

Chapter 22

“Malaki kana, alam mo na ang tama at mali…” tinitigan ako ni Mommy sa mga mata, hindi ko inalis din ang tingin sa kanya. “Hindi ako galit, gusto ko lang malaman ang mga nagawa mo. Gusto ko’ng pag-isipan mo.” iniwas ang tingin sa akin at nagpatuloy sa ginagawa.

“Sorry po…nalalaman ko na po lahat ng pinaggagawa ko…” I fell silent again, I had nothing more to say. I always have nothing to say so I just get used to it.

“And even though we support you, we still hurt for your husband …” my lips moved, my heartbeat quickened. They already know why David finally left …

“I know it was not good for the last time David and I met, Mommy …” Birthday pa ni David, wala siya’ng hiniling kundi ako tapos ang ganda ng pasok ko no’ng gabi sa party niya. Ang kapal nga talaga ng mukha ko. Hindi na ako nahiya pati sa mga magulang niya.

Mas lalo lang ako’ng mahihiya kung si Mrs. Gomez na ang kakausap sa akin, sobra’ng bait niya sa akin palagi pa niya ako’ng kinakausap kahit pa daw hindi kami magkakasundo ng anak niya.

“Ngayon alam mo, kung ano’ng ibig ko’ng sabihin…” nilingon niya ako kaagad, na may ngiti na sa labi. Hindi ko inaasahan ’yun sobra’ng ganda ng ngiti ni Mommy. “Malaki kana, palagi lang kami’ng nandito…kahit kaunti lang gusto naming makinig ka.”

Even though I was too big, I would always listen to him, maybe I was too excited at first, so I disobeyed them a lot even with my husband’s family.

I did everything I didn’t want to do, maybe if Mommy just wasn’t angry I wouldn’t fix it, I still wouldn’t be able to make my decision.

“But of course, Gomez still, Anak” I couldn’t help but laugh at what Mommy said then. Vote that he is for David. Lumapit siya sa akin at hinawakan ang balikat ko sabay yakap sa akin. Pinatong ang ulo niya sa ulo ko, mas matangkad naman kasi siya sa akin.

Her lips landed on my forehead, I smiled and hugged her too. The duration of her kiss on my forehead. Sobra’ng masarap sa pakiramdam ang anraramdaman ko pagdating sa kanila’ng dalawa ni Daddy.

“I still hope you and David will stay together.” I turned to Mommy and kissed her, Don’t expect Mommy to be hard to hope.

She laughed a little and I laughed too. “Syempre, si David ang nauna’ng iba’ng lalaki’ng nakilala mo kaya hindi mo naman ako masisisi kung bakit gusto ko ’yun para sa’yo” muli ako’ng hinalikan ni Mommy sa noo. “Hindi kami makikielam ni Travis sa inyo, huwag ka lang nila’ng sasaktan…”

“Ay, wow naglalambingan ang dalawa ko’ng prisesa” natatawa kami’ng nilingon si Daddy na kakapasok lang ng bakeshop nagdeliver kasi siya ng cake at ngayon lang nakauwi. “Ang gaganda n’yo naman. Bati na kayo dahil jan, libre ko ang dinner nating lahat.”

“Talaga po, Tito?” SI Cris na sumabat, kumunot ang noo ng kambal niya habang tinitgnan niya ito.

“Basta libre ang lakas ng pandinig.” singgit nito at lumingon sa akin. Ngumiti at nginitian ko din siya. Ang dami’mng sinasabi ng mga pinsan ko halata’ng gusto’ng-gusto ng libre at gusto kumain sa labas.

Nagpahinga muna kami bago kami umalis ng bakeshop, may ginagawa pa din naman sina Mommy at Daddy sa counter kaya nag-usap muna kami ng mga pinsan ko. Hawak ko din ang phone ko dahil kanina pa din wala’ng reply sa akin si Travis kakalag niya lang din kanina’ng madali’ng araw.

Siguro ay nagpapahinga siya ngayon sa kanila, kasama na niya sina Tita roon.

Agustina;

Magdi-dinner na kami maya-maya, may ginagawa pa sina Daddy alis kami sa labas kakain.

Sent

Narinig ko ang pagbubukas ng topic ni Abby kay Maxl na sinasabi ni Valerie kanina para’ng siya pa ’yung may gusto dun sa crush ni Abby kanina pa niya sinisigaw. Sumimangot si Abby at natawa naman ako.

“Nagseselos na si Abby, Val.’Wag ka’ng banggit ng banggit sa crush niya.” Inakbyana ko si Valerie para matahimik na. Hawak ko pa din ang phone ko at naghihintay sa reply ni Travis.

“Ikaw ata may gusto sa crush ni Abby, eh” singgit ni Maya, sinisiko n’ya si Valerie sa kabila. “Gagalit na si Abbyngot natin.”

“Ampota, Abbyngot” Natawa ako lalo dahil sa mura ni Abby, hindi na maipinta ang kaniya’ng mga mukha.

Cris, on the other hand, is messing up the hair of her twin and Maya, if I was just close to her maybe I would be messy too.

“Cris, damn it!” Maya quickly took her bag and slapped Cris. Si Joshua ang tanging pinagtatawanan si Cris, kung niya naman pinagtatawanan ako pa ’yung aasarin niya. Kinikindatan pa ako kaya inaabot ko siya para hampasin.

“Si Maxl kasi straight!” sigaw agad ni Abby, si Maya ay tumawa habang ako ay tinignan siya. “Nakakayamot, sana manlang mapansin niya ’yung ganda ko”

Wow

“Tae! HAHAHAHAHAHAH”

“Ang kapal naman ng mukha mo!”

“Luh asa ka”

“Lakas naman ng tama mo, sa lalaki kana lang”

“Wala talaga kayo’ng kwenta! Hindi ninyo ko mahal!” hinampas ni Abby ang mesa. “Imbis na may sabihin kayo’ng matino sa akin lalo ninyo lang ako’ng sinasaktan!”

I don’t know how many times I’ve laughed at Abby’s complaints, we both laughed at the same time and she was the only one who frowned.

“I hope you are also unlucky with the one you love” she sighed.

I looked at my phone when it rang, I let go of Valerie even though she looked at my phone. Pangalan ni Travis ang nakalagay sa screen, nagreply na siya.

Travis ;

Eatwell and take care of yourself. Have a good night, Agu.

I stared at the message he sent for a long time, I stared at it for a few minutes. I do not know what to reply.

Agustina ;

Are you okay? Are you tired? How are you there?

“Bakit naman kasi hindi mo aminin?” tanong ni Maya, hindi na sila tumatawa. Narinig na lang ako din ako dahil wala din kaagad ang reply ni Travis. “Close ba kayo no’n?”

“Medyo lang, baka sabihin feeling close ako.” nakanguso’ng sambit ni Abby “Saka may boyfriend si Maxl”

“Seryoso ba siya dun?” tanong ko kaagad, napatingin sila sa akin ng matagal. Si Abby naman ay ginalaw-galaw ang labi niya, hindi alam kung ano’ng isasagot.

“Hindi ko alam, huhu..” niyakap niya ang braso ni Cristal nasa tabi niya lang ito. “Ang malas ko ata jusko”

“Oh, ang dami ninyo’ng nakain pahinga muna tayo.” Sabi ni Daddy pagkatapos naming kumain ng dinner. Syempre totoo namang madami kami’ng nakain dahil ang sarap ng mga inorder ni Daddy para sa amin.

“Grabe talaga kayo kumain” si Mommy, uminom siya ng strawberry na inorder niya. Natawa naman ako kaagad. Hindi pa din siya nasasanay sa mga katakawan ng mga pinsan ko. “Lalaki na tiyan n’yo”

“May baby na po kami sa tiyan.” hinimas ni Cris ang tiyan niya. “Makakatulog nanaman ako’ng mahimbing mamaya.”

“Tapos pag-uwi, Kuya kakain ka nanaman” Si Cristal at sinungitana ng kapatid niya. “Maririnig na lang kita kumukuha ka ng pagkain sa mini ref natin.”

I couldn’t help but smile, I really laughed when I heard Cristal’s complaints to his twin as if he was bothering her every day.

“Sis, just tell me you love me” ngumuso si Cris sa kambal niya. Nagsigawan ang iba ko’ng pinsan at sina Mommy naman ay hindi maiwasang matawa sa kulitan nila’ng magkambal.

“I love you, bro” ngiti’ng sabi ni Cristal pero kaagad na umirap “Yuck,” Tumawa si Cris sa sinabi ng kapatid niya. Pinagtawanan niya lalo at inaasar niya.

My phone rang, it was Travis. Only now did he reply to me again. It ’s okay and I know he is very busy abroad.

I read his message.

Travis ;

I’m fine here, we have a company dinner today.

Sigurado’ng magkakaroon at magkakaroon sila ng company dinner dahil kauuwi niya lang roon. Kailangan niya ding pakisamahan ulit ang mga trabahador nila.

Agustina ;

Mag-iingat ka jan, Travis.  Hihintay ko lang reply. Enjoy!

I just tried to entertain myself, there was nothing I could do. My cousins ​​are here when he is not there.I know he will be busy so even if I want to talk to him I can do nothing but wait until he replies again.

He never replied to me again. Even until we got home I did not receive anything from him. I thought he would call me I really hope because he always calls me.

“He’s so busy …” I lay down while reading our last conversation when he was still on the flight. Pagod lang talaga siya at naiintindihan ko naman ang sitwasyon namin. Kailangan ko na ding masanay dahil matagal pa siya roon sa iba’ng bansa.

I will understand that I will not just scratch because he might just get busy especially from work, when he has free time then I will be able to talk to him

Agustina ;

Kailan ang free time mo? Update mo ko minsan kapag hindi kana busy ha?

Gusto ko pa ding malaman, para kahit paano ay may pag-asa ako’ng makausap siya kahit maikli’ng oras lang. Kahit maikli lang masaya na ako.

He was online, I was even happier because my chats were delivered to him. I waited for our convo until he saw it.

He typed right away, I waited until I saw it.

Travis ;

I do not know when my free time, I am too busy

Chapter 23

I waited a few days and weeks for Travis’ reply, I could not chat with him because he might just get annoyed. I’ve been waiting for almost a few weeks since we last talked.

I see him online but he also goes offline right away. I left a message in the morning when I woke up, nothing new he just delivered my message, online but did not reply.

Agustina :

Are your busy? Hindi ka nagrereply sa mga chat ko, ilang linggo na

Delivered

Naghintay ako kung magagawa niya ako’ng replayan. Hindi ko naman alam kung ano’ng problema niya, wala siya’ng sinasabi sa akin noong nakaraang linggo pagkatapos niya ako’ng replayan. Inis na inis ako’ng umupo sa kama ko.

Wala pa din ako’ng natanggap sa kanya, nagtype ako ulit sa conversation naming dalawa.

Agustina;

Travis, mag-usap naman tayo

Sent

Delivered

What? Nagdedelivered na lang palagi ang mga messages ko sa kanya, hindi manlang niya namagawa’ng replayan, ilang araw na. Magrereply nga siya pero ang ikli naman. Ano ’to hanggang ngayon ba pagod siya?

My eyebrows rose slightly when I saw him typing on the other side. I waited even longer.

I don’t know what Travis’ problem is, why he would reply like this. I suppressed my annoyance when I read his chat with me.

Travis ;

I said that right? I’m busy What do you not understand?

Busy? He is very active in ig, always has a story? Is he busy? Is this man really busy?

I started typing again, I have not yet written everything he has sent again.

Travis ;

I’m busy, don’t you understand?

Naiintindihan ko ilang linggo, ilang araw ko ng iniitindi. Kung hindi ko pa siya chinachat hindi naman siya magrereply sa akin. Halos nakakailang chat na ako sa kanya nakadelivered lang lahat.

Inis na pinatong ko sa hita ko ang phone ko at napahilamos nalang ako sa mukha ko. Naiinis ako ayoko namang lamunin ako ng inis at kung ano na lang masabi ko kay Travis.

Agustina ;

Ano’ng problema, Travis? Wala naman siguro tayo’ng problema?

Ngadelivered nanaman ang chat ko sa kanya. Kagaya noong mga nakaraan hindi nanaman niya ako nireplayan. Nakakainis naman hindi ko nga siya matiis na hindi kausapin pero siya natiis niya ako ngayon. Wala naman ako’ng makita’ng mali sa amin…siguro sa kanila…sa kanya sa iba’ng bansa.

I threw my phone on the side of the bed and went to bed right away. The more I think, I just want us to talk even if not always as long as I can talk to him I’m fine.

But it’s not like that, I can hardly tell Mommy anymore even though they are obviously aware of my lethargy and lack of appetite.

“Anak, are you okay?” Mommy touched my hair when she saw me at the bar counter with my cousins.Those with us fell silent while listening.

“Is there a problem?” she added.

I quickly shook my head while mixing coffee. Ayoko’ng magsabi lalo na si Travis naman ang dahilan kung bakit ilang araw na ako’ng wala’ng kakibo-kibo rito. Halos ’di ko na din sila makausap ng matino.

Napatingin ako sa phone ko, wala pa din ako’ng natatanggap. Kahit may hindi na ako maganda’ng nararamdaman patuloy pa din ako’ng naghihintay sa reply niya.

My lips moved as Mommy and I met.

I just can’t say anything, I also can’t say what my problem is. Daddy came down from the secondfloor he looked at us.

“Oh, what’s the problem?” He grabbed the table and looked at us one by one. Lalo na sa akin at kay Mommy para’ng alam niya kung ano’ng gagawin nanaman. Kahit siya naman ay tahimik lang din nong mga nakaraang linggo.

“Mom, Wala po ako’ng problema” Nagbaba ng tingin sa akin si Mommy dahil nakatayo kasi siya habang ako naman ay nakaupo.

“Ang lungkot mo naman kasi’ng tignan, Agu”

I don’t want to talk anymore, I prefer that I just know because I don’t want trouble. I don’t want them to say anything to Travis.

It’s just me even though I’m having a hard time myself. Because now he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. I’m just waiting for when he intends.

I did not chat with him even though I stayed in the convo of the two of us while we were at the bakeshop. Tomorrow I will join Joshua and Maya in the company.

“Agu, in table number 2 are the two purple cakes.” Maya told me while talking to other customers.

“Okay,” I carried the tray full of cake and juices. I put my phone in my apron pocket first.

I haven’t even watched Travis’ story yet because Maya called me earlier. I walked to the end of the shop because there were customers I would bring.

I saw a woman there. Shee was just one more but she ordered two cakes from us.

“Ma’am, your order is already here …” smiling I laid her orders on her table. “Nakita ko namang ngumiti din siya sa akin. “Enjoy po, Ma’am” Binaba ko ang tray na hawak ko, hindi naman ako makaalis dahil mukha’ng may sasabihin.

Patingin-tingin siya sa akin at gano’n din sa counter, hindi ko naman alam kung sino’ng tinitignan niya dahil naroon si Maya, Abby at Cristal. Nagiging malikot ang tingin niya. Hindi din mapakali ang mga labi niya’ng kanina pa niya kinakagat.

“Ma’am, is there a problem?” I asked because I was also worried if I did not pay attention.

“Uh … Are you Agustina?” I was shocked by what she said. Does she know?

Who is she and why does she know me?

“I’m Olivia…si Cristal…” hindi niya tinuloy ’yung sasabihin niya. Natigilan din ako nang marinig ang pagbanggit niya sa pangalan ni Cristal para’ng may pumasok kaagad sa kokote ko at bigla ako’ng nagtanong.

“Ikaw…’yung bestfriend..niya na gusto niya?”

There is nothing I can do if she knows or not what is true.

“Yes … I know she wants … me … even though I haven’t left yet …” She turned to Cristal again, she was busy with the young buyers. “Uhh …” she took something from her jacket pocket. We both looked at it.

“Please … give it to her ….” I saw a silver bracelet in her palm. “I’m sorry, I was scared … I also didn’t admit it to her …”

I remained speechless, I just stood in front of her while she was sad.

“Do you like her too?”

“I really want Cristal. Inalay niya lalo ang palad niya. “Hindi ko alam kung kailan ko siya magagawa’ng kausapin…pero..pakibigay naman sa kanya ito…” ngumiti siya ng bahagya. “Alam ko’ng nasaktan siya…hindi na muna ako magpapakita…”

“Please, take care of Cristal for me … “

“Hayts ..” my body fell on the bed when we got home. I’m so tired, you have another one I found out before.

Shet

I forgot to give Cristal what Olivia gave me, she can’t sleep here because her parents are going somewhere. I forgot earlier because I was thinking too much.

I still haven’t received anything from Travis, everything just delivered. I sighed and went to the ig and searched his account.

I didn’t find it difficult because he only used a facebook account for ig. Hinanap ko ang account niya at napatingin. Wala siya’ng mga uploads sa profile niya. For one months wala ako’ng nakita.

“Story?” nakita ko’ng may story siya.

I opened it so I could see what he was posting. I saw a screenshot of him in the ig story of others in his story. It didn’t take long for me to think.

Pregnancy kit? I frowned.

He has a caption placed at the top of the picture.

I already have a child with her.

He even has a heart sticker that he is very happy about. I began to feel heavier.

Already have a child with her? Damn

Tinignan ko kung sino yung babae’ng nag story din ng pregnancy kit na may positive pa. Putcha. My hands began to tremble as I watched the story of the woman, funny. That’s why he can no longer talk to me, can call me.

Why does it seem like the speed of everything? A few months ago, he said he was only for 2 weeks, why did it take a month?

“Y-Yeah … you’re going to have a family …” my tears dripped from my eyes as I looked at the photo of them holding the belly of the woman, Marie …

“I’m sorry … I can’t give you a child …”

Binuksan ko ang conversation naming dalawa, nakaonline siya ngayon.

Agustina;

Congrats…magkakaanak kana

Seen

Nasee niya kaagad, puro pait lang ng ngiti ang nagagawa ko habang hinihintay siya sa sagot niya.

I’m sure this is my karma, the amount of bad things I did to my wife for her, I disobeyed for her. I can hardly understand everything except him.

“Y-Yeah … true … I can feel how you feel, David …”

“It’s hurts … It’s really hurt”

Travis ;

I’m sorry

I know … Travis, I know. I’m sorry I really believed in the two of us. Tuloy-tuloy ang bagsak ng luha ko.

Agustina ;

Be very happy with your own family.

Nagkamali ako ng sinabi kay David. Tinakpan ko ang mga mata ko habang umiiyak at sobra’ng kirot sa pakiramda. Ako na ’yung talo ngayon, talo’ng-talo ako. Hindi pala talaga ako nanalo, sa amin ni David, ako ’yung talo. Talo’ng-talo.

AUTHOR’S NOTE

The next chapter will be David’s point of view, Usually in the scenes in David’s point of view I did not write a point of view by Agustina, Sorry but Marrying Agustina Del Mundo is all about David’s love so I focus more on him. Thank you for reading my story. Keepsafe everyone!

Chapter 24

(David’s P.O.V on Chapter 01 and 02)

David Oliver Harrison Gomez

“Wala ka ng ginawa kung hindi ipahiya ang pamilya natin!” Daddy shouted, I only clung to the wall because my eyes were spinning because he punched me. Mommy prevents him from punching me again.

I just tried to be nice even though I was dizzy. My nose and lips are bleeding.

“Rafael! Tama na, ano ba?!” sigaw ni Mommy habang tinutulak niya si Daddy upang hindi makalapit sa akin. I tried not to cry in front of the two of them, I covered my face while also secretly wiping the blood from my lips. My chest tightened as I supported myself.

I’m sorry, Dad but I hope it doesn’t look like this. I know I made a mistake…

I didn’t mean to… I thought…I thought all my friends … are true to me …I trusted, I trusted I thought they were true to me. I’m sorry I did something wrong. Really wrong.

“Paano mo maayos ang nangyari sa kompanya natin ha?!” tinuro ako ni Daddy, galit na galit habang sinisgawan ako. “Tangina! Wala na tayo’ng pera!” tinulak lalo ni Mommy si Daddy.

“Ano ba?! Anak mo ’yan!” humarang si Mommy sa akin lalo. Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko, tuluyan na ako’ng naluha dahil sa masasakit na natatanggap ko sa kanya.

I adjusted myself, I did not look at Daddy because I would only make him cry more.I know I’m wrong, I can hardly look around me anymore. He punched me so hard.

“That won’t bother you, make sure you marry my friend’s son!” Daddy let go of Mommy’s grip and turned his back on us. Pinahido ang luha ko habang tinitignan ang likod ni Daddy. Humarap sa akin si Mommy at inalalayan ako.

“Halika, Anak gagamutin kita…” Inalalayan ako ni Mommy hanggang sa makapasok kami sa sala at pinaupo ako sa sofa.

Iniwan ako saglit ni Mommy, sumandal ako sa sofa at hindi pa din maganda ang nararamdaman ko. It’s all my fault, maybe if I just listened to Daddy and if I just didn’t trust my friends too much it wouldn’t be like this. I am to blame for the loss of our money, we are deeply in debt.

I bit my lip again, my tears were gathering at the corner of my eye, I wanted to cry. Cry and cry. My chest tightens.

I want to like Daddy, I really don’t want him to get angry … but I did. I already did. He has lost trust in me.Wala na lahat. Hindi ko na alam kung paano ko aayusin ang lahat ng ginawa ko. Hinilamos ko kaagad ang palad ko sa mukha ko.

Dad, I’m sorry… I’m sorry

Mommy came back to me with the medicine, she sat in front of me while looking at me. He felt sorry for me.

“Son …” Mommy called to me, she was already putting a bandage on my cheek, I was not putting my lip anymore. “We have nothing left, we are even more in debt …”

I looked down, how could I be able to fix everything?

“What can I do, Mommy?” I asked weakly, I do not want to cry for him.

“Marry Agustina…only their family can help us”

I’m Marrying Agustina Del Mundo…soon…

“Sino po siya? Siya po ba ang anak ng kaibigan ni Daddy?” I only hear from Daddy because they are married, I do not know how many children they have so I am hesitant who I will marry their child. I do not speak, I have no right to complain.

I’m annoyed, maybe it’s just for myself because it’s really my fault. I need to get married, I really need to. To fix the tire I made between Daddy and me and the company. I don’t want to do anything else especially I hate myself.

“Transgender siya, Anak” Nagtagal ang tingin ko kay Mommy. Matagal niya din ako’ng tinignan na para’ng may hinahanap. Transgander? Pakakasalan ko, Transgender?

I no longer know how I will feel, I have nothing to say. I have almost no emotion released even though I will not marry a woman, maybe I stayed too much in my accomplishments.I just closed my eyes to the hardship, I wish I hadn’t done it, I would have just listened.

I don’t want Daddy to be mad at me … even though I’m not his real child …

I’m really stupid. I can no longer think of anything right.

“Bukas ay pupuntahan natin sila kaagad.Nakipagsundo na kami ng Daddy…sila na lang talaga ang pag-asa natin, Anak” hinawakan ni Mommy ang anak. “Kahit hindi siya tunay na babae sana igalang mo siya.”

“Kung iyon na lang po ang kailangan, gagawin ko po…Magpapakasal ako sa kanya.” Ngumiti ako kay Mommy ng pilit, masakit pa din ang mukha ko at nahihilo pa din ako. Hindi ko masisisi si Daddy kung bakit siya galit na galit at sinaktan ako.

“And…Mom, I’m sorry…” lumapit ako kay Mommy. I put my face on his shoulder and slowly hugged him, I know Mommy is mad at me, maybe even with Mommy I can be sorry too.

“I’m sorry …” I felt her hug back to me. I want to cry more.

“I can’t be angry with you, Son. Remember that. I know you understand your daddy so he is very angry.” I hugged him tightly.

“We love you so much, Son you did something wrong …”

I bit my lip again, holding back tears especially my sobs. I don’t want to. Nanantili lang ako sa bisig ni Mommy. Kalalaki ko’ng tao napakaiyakin ko naman. Hindi na ako natutuwa, ayoko na.

“Magiging ayos din ang lahat, magkakaayos din kayo ni Daddy mo.”

I lay down in my room while waiting for Mommy’s call, today the three of us are going to the Del Mundos, just for the real wedding that will take place between me and Agustina.

“What does Agustina look like?” none of my own words while scrolling my instragram. “I can find him here in ig, maybe there is”

I don’t use fb, I only use ig and messenger. I also don’t tend to stalk on facebook.

Agustina Del Mundo

I typed her name, many came out but I immediately noticed a profile woman smiling.Maganda siya siguro kung nanatili din siya sa pagkalalaki mas gwapo pa siya sa akin.

Agustina Del Mundo? Her username is different.

@ AguDelmundo

Hindi ko alam nademonyo ata ang kamay at mata ko. Nagpunta ako sa profile niya, maganda nga talaga siya. Tinignan ko lahat ang litrato niya roon, madami mas lalo lang dumami ng makita kong pumunta sila sa palawan last month.

Shit

Pati date kung kailan niya pinost ay tinitignan ko na din. I closed my eyes, I was very interested in her photos. It should not be. We are still the same man. Pareho pa din kami’ng merong ano.

I even saw a man with her, they are both very close. I do not know if her boyfriend. Close sila. At ayoko namang maging kabit. Alam ko namang hindi ako matinong lalaki pero ayaw ko maging kabit. Ako naman kasi ’yung tipo din na lalaki na medyo babaero.

Shit

Ayoko nang tumingin ng tumingin pa sa mga litrato niya.

I frowned when I read Kate’s message, she was just one of my girlfriends and she was also one of those who took our money from the company, because she and my friends were with me.

Kate;

Hey, How are you? Oliver. I’m sorry

Sorry? when is it all gone? when they got what they wanted. It’s good that Daddy didn’t lock them up even though he wanted to. He almost killed one of my friends, Jake.

I would not have typed anymore because I was bored again, my head quickly warmed up. I trusted him but what did he do? He broke my trust.

I don’t want to be trusted anymore, I don’t want to have any more friends if they can only be with me.

Kate ;

I’m sorry, Oliver please. I’m sorry

There is nothing you can do sorry. Gone, Kate has happened.

David ;

Yeah, don’t talk to me anymore

I immediately felt that. I was even more bored, because I was looking at Agustina’s photo when they were in boracay when Kate called. Inis ako lalo, hindi ko alam kung ano’ng sasabihin ko baka mamura ko lang siya.

Tangina, ang aga-aga naman niya manggago

“Ano ba ’yun?” Inis ko’ng sambit, Narinig ko kaagad ang iyak sa kabilang linya. Pota siya pa may gana’ng umiyak, sila na nga ’to’ng ginagago ako. Ang ganda ng ibinigay ko sa kanila. Tinuring ko sila’ng kapatid dahil wala ako’ng kapatid pero ganoon na lang ang gagawin nila sa akin.

“Wala na tayo’ng dapat pa’ng pag-usapan. Tangina”

“Humihingi na ako ng sorry, gago bakit mo ko mimumura?”

“Deserve mo murahin, deserve ninyo’ng lahat ’yun. Ang gago n’yo nagtiwala ako”My chest ached, I remembered again what they said to me before they ran away with all our money. I love them dearly, because of them I felt like I had a brother.

And for Kate, I thought everything she gave me was true, That was all she was after money.

“I don’t want to talk to you, I’m just annoyed” I turned off the call and quickly closed my eyes. I was so affected … so debilitating …

I wiped the tears from my eyes when I heard the shock outside my room. I tried not to cry again. I don’t want Mommy to see that.

My head heats up, I frowns open the door and meet her. Pinilit ko’ng ngumit at hindi sumimangot. Nadadala nanaman ako sa galit ko. Gusto ko lang naman ng totoo’ng kaibigan, totoo’ng tao lang pero mga peke’ng tao lang ang nakuha ko.

“Are you ready, Anak?” tumango ako kay Moomy. Sumunod na lang ako sa kanila’ng dalawa ni Daddy, tahimik lang ako. Tahimik na tahimik ako dahil sasama lang loob lalo ni Daddy.

Kagaya ng sinabi ni Daddy, huwag na ako’ng magsalita kung wala din namang kwenta ang sasabihin ko. Wala din siya’ng mapapala sa akin.

Naiinis ako lalo dahil si Kate pa din ang nagiging dahilan kung bakit tumutunog ang phone ko. Tawag siya ng tawag kung hindi naman tumatawag palagi siya’ng may message sa akin. Napaptingin sa akin si Mommy dahil hindi ko matago ang inis ko sa byahe. Si Daddy syempre hindi ako pinapansin.

Tangina naman. Ayaw niya ako’ng tigilan.

David ;

Tantanan mo ’ko, Nagagago na ako sa’yo.

Kate ;

Ow, Magpapakasal ka sa Transgender?

Potangina? Paano niya nalaman ’yun? There is a part of me that I am the one who is ashamed, I am the one who feels different. My perspective changed. If last night I did not think. Now I am annoyed.

Kate ;

Nakakadiri

Pagpasok namin binati kami kaagad ng mag-asawa’ng Del Mundo. Mabait sila, talaga’ng niyakap nila ako at hinalikan pa. Ramdam ko’ng tanggap na tanggap nila ako. Pero…sa sinabi ni Kate nainis na ako. Nandiri ako.

“Pababa na ang anak namin.” Nakangiti’ng sambit ni Mr. Del Mundo. Base sa pagkakatingin-tingin ko sa ig posts ni Agustina. Mas close siya sa Daddy niya kesa kay Mommy niya.

Bumaba si Agustina. Una’ng kita ko pala’ng sa kanya may parte na sa akin na hindi ko maitindihan. Kung hindi pa ako siniko at hinila ni Daddy hindi pa ako tatayo.

The two of us looked at each other, he just stared at me knowing I wouldn’t make a mistake I was okay with him. But … I’m scared … I’m scared … she’s not a real woman.

I secretly swallowed. In the annoyance I feel. I’m hesitant now that I shouldn’t. Should not.

“Anak, Si Agustina, Ang magiging asawa mo.”

The fuck? I will marry a transgender? damn it!

Disgusting, I will not find myself marrying someone like her.

Putcha, kahit na lalaki pa din siya tapos pakakasalan ko siya! Kinikilabutan na ako sa lagay na ’to. Pota naman. Hindi ko ’to dapat nararamdaman dahil una sa lahat kahapon pala’ng nalaman ko sa kanya hindi ako nainis bakit ngayon diri’ng-diri ako?

Nag-alay ng kamay sa akin si Agustina.

“By the way, I am Agustina Del Mundo, I will be your wife, Mr. Gomez”

tanginang buhay ’to. Bakit ba ganito?

Sumimangot ako, ang lakas ng tibok ng puso ko. Tinanngap ko ’yun kahit hindi na ako makahinga. Naiinis ako na ewan. Pero ’yung puso ko. My heart kept beating, I don’t know why. My system got even more confused when I touched him too.

fuck, what’s happening to me? Umupo na lang ako pagbitaw ko sa kanya, ’yung tingin ko hindi ko maiwasang hindi mapatingin sa kanya.

My heart kept beating and beating….

Nag-usap sila ng nag-usap. Hindi ko malaman ang gagawin ayaw talaga’ng tumigil ng puso ko. Wala’ng pakundangan ko na lang na sinabi.

“Mommy, Matanggap ko pa kung sa babae.” Naramdaman ko na lang ang masama’ng tingin ni Daddy. Madami pa ako’ng narinig, sa Finland ang kasal namin. S iba’ng bansan dahil hindi pwede rito.

Lumingon ako kay Agustina. Pinakiramdaman ko ang sarili ko. Ganon pa din, ang lakas pa din ng tibok ng puso ko. Hindi tumitigil hangga’t hindi ko nililihis ang tingin sa kanya.

Bakit ganito?

“For the first time, I knew I was going to lose”

-Autumn

Chapter 25

(David’s P.O.V on Chapter 03)

David

Sumunod na araw, hindi ako lumabas ng kwarto ko. Wala napagalitan nanaman ako ni Daddy dahil sa inasal ko sa dinner kasama ang pamilya Del Mundo. I also didn’t like what I was saying, I was very affected by what Kate said. I received a lot of them especially from Jake the night we went home after dinner. I don’t know how they found out everything.

Jake;

Oh, kapag gipit syempre sa bakla kakapit

I shudder to read their message to me. They do not stop, I do not want to ideact all my accounts. I only stay in Ig but because of this they say I might just do it.

Ace;

Fuck , disgusting

I read all their comments. I also can’t help but look at twitter because I have a twitter account. There they are scattered and what they tell me.

Jenny followed, I read her reply to Jake’s posts about me. Lalo ako’ng nasaktan sa mga sinasabi nila, hindi ko matanggap sila na ang may kasalanan, sila na lahat. Ni-hindi

Jenny ;

Wow, hope all the gay will come

Napadila ako ng matagal sa loob ng bibig ko. Bumibigat ang nararamdaman ko. Lalo lang ako’ng hindi nakakaramdam ng maayos. Lalo’ng nanikip ang dibdib ko. Kahit kasalanan nila hindi ko nagawa’ng magalit, hindi ako nagsalita ng hindi maganda sa kanila.

Because I really love them, I’m not the type of person who porket did something to me that people are not good at, I’ll tell you what it is. I’m still fine, I still have respect.

I love them, they always are even if I don’t love myself …

But I made a mistake, it is really bad to give too much to other people. I’m crazy about them.

Troy;

Stupid, disgusting oh potangina

I smiled bitterly when I read Troy’s reply, Troy I was closer to him. I really consider him my brother. Real brother.

Why, Troy? Why?

My eyesight dimmed as I read one by one his replies, their posts. I have no fight, I am alone they are many.

Varon ;

Nakakakilabot naman o, HAHAHAHAHAHHA

I turned off my phone, I could no longer see everything, my chest just hurt. Kinagat ko ang labi ko dahil sa panginginig nito. Eto nanaman. Palagi na lang. I’m just a real friend of what I want, I just want us to be happy. I want them to be true to me.

They were able to betray me and they even managed to discredit me on social media.

I immediately thought of Agustina as I wiped away my tears. My vision is blurry again. I don’t want him to get involved in what my friend is doing even though I am still annoyed.

It’s true that I’m really affecting, because Agustina is not a real woman, she is also a man like me. But I do not want to hurt him and his family, their family is too sensible to get involved in my trouble.

Tinakpan ko ang mukha k dahil sa sobra’ng dami ko’ng iniisip, madami’ng madadamay, maski pa ang mga magulang naming dalawa. Mas lalo’ng magiging magulo kung may madadamay.

I sighed deeply, I was alone, I had no helper and I did not want to hurt Mommy if I told her. I need my own decision, I really need my own.

My phone rang again, on twitter again. Alex replied to Jake’s tweets.

Jake;

Kadiri naman, gagamitin pa talaga yung bakla

I took another deep breath, I could no longer bear what they were saying. What they say to me as they torture me especially, they hurt. Namamasa ang mga mata;ng umiwas at pinatay ko nanamang muli ang phone ko.

Hindi ko na kaya, gusto ko na lang magpakalasing, kahit umaga’ng-umaga gusto ko’ng magpakalasing na muna sa alak. Feeling weak and heavy I felt like standing up, to leave. I want to leave. I feel even here at home I feel even heavier.

I left the room, I avoided the helpers seeing me. I don’t want them to ask me.

I feel heavy while driving, I really need alcohol now. Hindi lang ako matitigil sa kakaiyak at kakapakiramdam ng masama, baka sakaling sa alak mawala.

Although I was nervous, I still entered the bar near the mall. When I entered, I was immediately greeted by a large crowd and a strong smell of wine.

Even noisy, even crowded I forced myself to get to the counter where no one was.

“Hmm …” I sat in front of the bartender. The man looked at me. “Please, Give me Spirytus Rektyfikowany…” tumungo ako sa counter, gusto’ng-gusto ko na talaga. Nagulat ito at para’ng nag-alangan pa.

“May pera ako pambayad, bigyan mo na ako” Ulit ko pa. I really have a down payment, I know it’s strong alcohol but I want to.

“But, Sir, I’m so brave–” I interrupted what he was going to say. Yes, I ordered strong alcohol but he could do nothing.

“Just give it to me!” I shout annoyed, I don’t like all the many questions. Hinintay ko ang handa niya sa harapan ko. Pagkalapag na pagkalapag niya ang alak at baso kaagad ko’ng binuksan ko iyon at nilagok.

“Si–” inom lang ako ng inom, hindi ko siya pinapansin. Magpapakalunod na lang ako. Iyon na lang ang gagawin ko. Wala’ng tigil kahit pa sumasakit na din ang lalamunan ko kakainom.

“Sir, hinay-hinay lang po”

Dahan-dahan ko nang ramdam ang maiinit na ulo sa gilid ng mga mata ko. Bumigat nanaman ang pakiramdam ko. Nanlalabo ang paningin ko. Inom ako ng inom.

“Tangina!” sigaw ko, I feel pure anger and pain. I slammed the wet counter on the counter. I was still crying. Putcha naman. I cried a lot, my chest tightened. The pain I can not accept will be like this. I love them, I love them so much I can’t accept that they will do this to me. They did not hear me say anything, any hurtful words.

I will not be able to hurt them as much as they hurt me, because they are so valuable. They are always important even if they have done something different to me.

“Sir?” the bartender called me. Even dizzy I forced myself to look back.

“Pota, what ?!” I shouted angrily. My grip on the glass tightened. He only called me but I did not know him. Sumasakit ang ulo ko lalo sa kanya. Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin.

It was as if my head was floating, my head was so sore. I’m overdrinking.

My eyes are rolling. I almost fell into the highchair where I was sitting. Pumikit ako, pumikit ako at saka ako lumagok muli ng alak. Gusto ko na lang matulog ng tuluyan sa alak. Gusto ko ng takasan ang lahat.

“Ako pala si Leonel” Pakilala niya, wala ako’ng pakielam. Gusto ko magpakalasing. Hindi ako interesado sa sinasabi nila. “Sir, ano’ng problema? Hindi ko na po kasi kaya nangyayari sa inyo..pati ako nasasaktan”

Umawang ang bibig ko, patuloy pa din ang mga luha’ng bumabagsak sa mga mata ko. I tightened my grip on the glass, I do not want to tell the stranger but I feel very heavy.

“I know we don’t know each other but … at least a few, Sir tell me …” the bartender was even more honest with me.

“Tangina ayoko! I don’t trust everyone anymore!” Puno’ng-puno ng hinanakit habang tinitignan siya. Wala na ako’ng pakielam sobra ako’ng nasasaktan. Tangina ’di ko makayanan. Ang masakit, sobra’ng sakit.

I have no confidence in everything, I look down. I don’t want to say anything that I will never believe anyone else.

I ran out of a bottle, I stood up even though I was struggling I pulled out some money and threw it at the counter.

“Sir, Call me you need me …” he handed me a card, I frowned. “Please accept …”

I angrily grabbed what he was saying. Wala na ako’ng sinabi kundi mura habang nagiikot sa dance floor. Ayoko pa’ng umuwi, gusto ko’ng manatili rito.

Kung hindi lang sa katangahan ko, kung hindi lang ako naniwala kaagad sa kanila hindi ko naman ’to mararanasan. Hindi ako mananatili sa mga sakit nannararamdaman ko. Nakakagago.

Kahit lasing na, kahit hilo’ng-hilo na ako. Napatingin ako kaagad sa babae’ng lumapit sa akin, nanlalabo ang paningin kaya ’di ko siya matignan ng maayos.

“Hi” naramdaman ko ang paghawak niya sa dibdib ko. “Hmm? Saan na ang punta mo?” malandi ang boses niya sa akin. 

I ignored him, I approached the bar door. He talks to me but I do not speak, I have nothing to say because I am swallowed up by how I feel.

“You look delicious, tara motel?” he caressed my chest.

“Uh … ’I moaned because of my headache.

Until I got out, the woman just clung to me, I was so drunk about who I was with. Pumunta kami sa parking lot ng mall, hindi ko maiiwasan iyon dahil kahit paaano ay naaalala ko pa.

Para nga ako’ng tanga natatawa ako na ewan at nakikisabay ’yung babae habang hawak pa din ako.

“I want to kiss you…” She immediately pushed me against the wall, I was surprised when she kissed me. Kissing me.

“Uhh …” I muttered, I could feel her hand entering my tshirt, until I finally gave up.

My vision darkened, all I could feel was the floor and the woman approaching me.

“David, I’m sorry…I’m here…” nakikita ang panginginig ng labi ni Agustina habang umiiyak sa harapan ko, umiiyak siya…umiiyak ang tao’ng mahal ’ko.

My eyesight is getting naughty, it still hurts me. The pain in me.

“Sorry..Sorry, David … please, believe me now …” my lips quivered as I held back my tears. I don’t want to cry, but it hurts me. “I’m sorry … Please … give me another chance …”

“Hmm …” I muttered, because of my headache. I looked up and our eyes met.

Tangina

“FUCK! bakit iba na ang damit ko?!!” Sigaw ko sa kanya kahit ang lakas ng tibok ng puso ko. Eto nanaman kami, nandito nanaman siya.

“FUCKSHIT!!!” wala ako’ng damit, hawak-hawak ko ang katawan ko habang tinitignan siya. “ANO’NG GINAWA MO SA AKIN?!” sigaw ko nanaman pabalik sa kanya.

“WALA AKO’NG GINAWA SA’YO, MR. GOMEZ!” sigaw niya sa akin na siya’ng kinatahimik ko. “Wala–”

“David.” napatingin ako sa pintuan, si Daddy. Matalim ang titig sa akin. Natahimik kami pareho ni Agustina.

Tangina talaga

Chapter 26

(David’s P.O.V on Chapter 04)

David

“David” Nanigas ako sa kinauupuan ko, nakakahiya dahil sumunod na din ang mga magulang ni Agustina. Galit ang mukha ni Daddy naroon din ang matalim niya’ng tingin sa akin.

“D-Dad..” nauutal na sambit ko, Hindi ko alam kung ano’ng gagawin ko nanaman, kung ano’ng sasabihin ko dahil halata nanaman sa boses ni Daddy ang inis sa akin at sa inasal ko nanaman sa magiging asawa ko.

I can’t look at him, Agustina is just in the middle of us and slightly sideways.

“Why are you shouting, David?” Daddy’s cold voice asked me, staring sharply at me.

“U-Uh …” I said nothing, Mommy approached me.

“Nanaginip po …” Agustina whispered which is why we all looked at her, I don’t know but I frowned out of time. Instead of dropping me off he would still be able to cover me.

She looked at me and glared at me. ’“Nanaginip po si David kaya siya sumigaw.” Muli niya’ng nilingon sina Daddy bago siya lumapit sa mga magulang niya’ng nasa pintuan, nakita ko pa’ng may ibinulong ang Daddy niya sa kanya. Hindi ko maalis ang tingin ko sa kanya nanaman.

I looked at her for a long time, as I stared at her. I could not dodge but she averted her eyes.My heartbeat, until now has not changed. Nothing she just kept on beating.

Matialim ang tingin sa akin ni Daddy hanggang sa makababa kami sa hapagkainan, dito nanaman kami kakain at hindi ko nanaman mapigilan ang kakatingin ko.

I sat in front of Agustina, the two of us were facing each other so I was free to see her.I can’t understand myself, I hate him but I don’t think so. I’m annoyed because she’s not a woman.

I just ate, I don’t want to look naughty anymore. I don’t want to look at her anymore, my heart is going crazy.

“Are you okay now, Hijo?” I quickly looked at Agustina’s Mommy, she was smiling at me as if I was no different from her. I saw in the corner of my eye her son looking at me.

“Y-Yes, Tita …” I nodded slightly, what I did was still embarrassing but I couldn’t really hide my annoyance and regret.

“Agustina, Hija” I slowly turned to Daddy, he called Agustina, I do not know what he will say here.

“Po, Si–” He interrupted what it was going to say.

“Call me, Tito” My jaw moved, Agustina and I were both surprised. I even saw her swallow.

“P-Po, Tito?” Kita ko ang panginginig ng kanya’ng mga labi.

“Salamat sa pagtulong mo, sa anak namin.” Si Mommy naman ang suminggit para kausapin siya. ’Tawagin mo na din ako’ng Tita, Hija.“ Kaagad na tumaas ang kilay ko.

“Bakit, HIja? Lala–”

“Kung wala ka’ng sasabihing maganda ’wag kana lang magsalita.”

Nanlamig ako at natahimik kaagad. Si Daddy muli nanaman niya ako’ng binara dahil sa katangahan ko. Hindi ko matanggap ang kasalan na ’to. Hindi ko magagawa’ng pumayag dahil hindi naman si Agustina ang gusto ko. I want a real woman. Real woman.

Mommy immediately scolded Daddy, I just ate like Agustina did, maybe what else can I say.

I’m disgusted

“Yeah, whatever. Sakit sa ulo ang anak mo, Amanda.” Dagdag nanaman ni Daddy.

Agustina is fine with me, I don’t know if she is a woman or not, it ’s just me, if a wedding happens I will never allow it. I hate myself. At higit na nakakaramdam ako ng pandidiri sa sarili ko. Hindi ko talaga kakayanin pa.

Agustina went up after we ate. Our parents were left in the kitchen because they had a little more to talk about before we finally got home. There is nothing I can do here in the living room because I have been left behind.

“Hayst” I rubbed my neck while going up to the second floor, I don’t know but I want to go or talk to Agustina. Kahit kailan ang bobo ko, ano ’yun pupuntahan ko para pagsalitaan ng kung ano-ano?

Nakabukas ang pintuan ng kwarto niya, lumapit ako roon at nakira ko siya’ng nakasandal sa kama niya. Nakatingin sa bintana sa harapan. I looked at him for a long time, I just stood at the door as I watched her. She is tilted but she looks good, maybe if he can just okay the one she reviewed.

I feel myself especially my heart … even if it sounds corny but I feel very strange when she here.

“Hayst, I can’t… I don’t like her.” I whispered softly.

I want to speak but my eyes do not want to let me look at her.

“Why did you help me?” That just came out of my mouth, bumukas ang mga mata niya’ng nakapikit, it surprised and looked at me.

Gumalaw siya sa pagkakaupo niya, tuluyan ako’ng hinarap dahil nasa pintuan ako. Nakatayo pa din.

I frowned. I saw her shake because of my attitude.

“So what? There is nothing wrong with helping you, Mr. Gomez” I was even more frustrated by her answer. I was disgusted that I could not explain.

“Tsk, sana pinabayaan mo na lang ako.” bahagya’ng tumaas ang kilay niya dahilan para magulat ako. Pinigilan ko ang panginginig ng labi ko. Una’ng pagkakataon iyon na nakita ko siya’ng halos tarayan na ako.

My chest throbbed even harder. That’s almost all I hear in my seat.

Tangina naman

“Fuck” mura ko. Hindi ko na maintindihan sarili ko. Mas lalo ko siya’ng tinignan ng masama.

“Nandidiri talaga ako.”

“I know…”

“I really don’t want to marry you, man—” pinutol niya ang sasabihin ko. Tangina naman, David ano’ng nangyayari sa’yo?

“Even I do not want to marry you.”

“I will never be able to linger with you and marry you.” Iniwas niya ang tingin sa akin, muli niya’ng nilingon ang bintana’ng nasa harapan. Ang tagal ko nanamang tinignan siya. Nakakatangina na ako, para’ng tanga amppota.

“Hindi’ng-hindi ako mahuhulog sa kagaya mo.” Huminga ako kaagad ng malalim, hindi ko kakayaning mahulog ako sa kanya. Tangina baka naman mas lalo lang masira ang pagkatao ko kung mahuhulog ako sa kanya.

Ano na, David, ano’ng ginagawa mo

“Yes, because you’re straight.” Tinignan niya ako’ng mulii. Nakatitig ako sa kanya. “Alam na alam ko kung ano’ng sasabihin mo sa akin, David.” Napadila ako sa loob ng bibig ko.

“I want to rest, You may now leave. Ingat kayo ng parents mo.” Dagdag nanaman niya sa akin. “Ikaw din, rest well.”

“Tsk”

I left in front of her I feel like I can no longer stay there because I can not breathe anymore. I just kept quiet while on the flight, looking outside while holding my chest.

My heart was still beating, still unstoppable. I bit my lip slightly.

“What hurts you, Oliver?” my lips moved, Daddy asked driving in front. Mommy even looked at me.

“Is something wrong with you, Son? Why are you holding your chest?”

“Yes … Nothing. Nothing”

“Are you sure, Oliver?” Daddy still doesn’t seem to believe it, somehow I don’t feel like he doesn’t know me. I feel like he loves me no matter what else I do not do well … I just really overdo it.

“Yes …”

Masisiraan na ako ng bait, hanggang sa pag-uwi tibok pa din ng puso ko ang inaasikaso ko. Para’ng mamamatay na ata ako. Hindi ko na kaya.

Natahimik lang ako ng magring ang phone ko. Si Leigh ang nakita ko’ng nagtext. Kaagad ako’ng napabangon sa pagkakahiga. Leigh was just one of my women. I don’t know if I really feel for her. Aminado naman ako na pinagsabay ko sila’ng dalawa ni Kate.Pero sobra ’yung kay Kate.

Leigh;

How are you? Haven’t you come home yet? Your grandmother and grandfather are looking for you.

Even though Grandpa did not like Leigh, he continued to visit our house there. Grandma, on the other hand, is okay with Leigh, it doesn’t bother her.

I did not replied Leigh because someone called me right away, Grandma was calling.

“Hello po, La?” nakangiti’ng sambit ko kaagad pagkasagot na pagkasagot ko sa tawag niya.

“Apo, kailan ka dadalaw rito? Kayo ng mapapangasawa mo?” Bahagya’ng nawala ang ngiti ko. Alam na alam talaga nila, paniguado sinabi na ni Daddy sa kanila ni Lolo.

My lips moved I was stunned and could not speak. Can I still please Agustina with what I told her earlier? The thickness of my face made me even more shy.

“Apo?“I sighed and spoke. Napakamot ako sa aking batok at muli’ng sumandal sa kama ko.

“Sige po, Lola. Aayain ko po si Agustina na pumunta po riyan.” Sa totoo lang ’di ko alam kung paano ko siya magagawa’ng ayain. Nahihiya ako pero gusto naman siya makita ng Lola’t Lolo ko.

“Gusto na namin siya’ng makita ng Lolo mo at…” hinintay ko pa ang sunod niya’ng sasabihin. “Si Leigh…naghihintay sa’yo rito” napabuntong hininga ako.Mas maigi’ng kay Leigh na lang ang atensyon ko.

We can be Leigh, we can be better than Agustina. I will receive even more when Leigh and I.

“Your grandfather is resting so you can’t talk to him …” I grabbed my waist and nodded to Lola. I understand.

“Grandma, you also need to rest … tomorrow we will go there with my fiancé.”

“Oh sige, Ingat kayo bukas.I love you, Apo”

“I love you too, Lola, ikamusta ninyo na lang po kay Lolo…”

Grandpa also doesn’t like me because of what I did. Like Daddy, he is also very angry with me, almost pushing me away so he can not see.

“I need to fix what I did …” I said to myself and dropped the body on my bed.

The next day I did not reach Daddy, I just said goodbye to them in a text message. I went to Grandma and Grandpa.

I looked at what I was wearing in the mirror, I still felt hesitant about what I was wearing. I don’t know if it suits me.

I scratched my hair and looked again at the message I received from Leigh.

Leigh;

See you later, Oliver.

I left immediately after I replayed her, I replayed that I did not want to answer her.

Habang nagmamaneho ako papunta sa bahay nina Agustina, kinakabahan ako, hindi ko naman alam kung bakit. Dahil na din siguro sa mga kagaguhan ko kagabi at sa mga sinabi ko. Sobra na talaga ang bibig ko.

.When I stopped in front of their house, it took me a while to think about it before I left.

“Tangina, ano ba’ng nangyayari sa akin …”

I took heavy steps towards the door of their house. There were no helpers so I peeked out the window on the side, visible from inside their living room. Natigilan ako ng makita ko si Agustina na nakaupo sa sahig, mukha’ng malalim pa ang iniisp niya.

My lips moved as I looked at her, in fact she was just simple. I always see that. Eto nanaman tayo. Hindi ko nanaman nagugustuhan ang nararamdaman ko.

Umalis ako sa pagkakasilip at hinarap na muli ang pintuan nila. Kumatok ako para naman malaman niya’ng may tao pero wala ako’ng narinig mula sa loob. Nakadalawa’ng katok ako wala pa din.

Hinawakan ko na ang doorknob, nag-aalangan ako kung bubuksan ko na. Kasi nakailang katok na ako hindi niya ako pinapansin. Pinihit ko ang doorknob at tuluyang binuksan, nagulat kami pareho lalo na siya. Mabilis siya’ng tumayo mula sa pagkakaupo niya sa sahig.

I just look at her and she looks at me. “Uh…ano’ng ginagawa mo…dito?” she asked me. Sumimangot ako kaagad. Naiinis na ako bakit ba ganito sarili ko.

“Si Sir Del Mundo?” tanong ko. He looked at me hesitantly, I had to ask her Daddy for permission before I took her.

“Nasa office niya.” ’Yung noo ko wala’ng dahilan pero kunot na kunot pagdating sa kanya. “Bakit mo hinahanap?” dagdag nanaman niya at nagsimula na siya’ng ligpitin ang mga gamit niya sa table.

I just stared at her as he did that. I don’t want to talk but I need to talk to her daddy first.

“I want to talk to your Daddy first,” my voice became gentle, it adjusted and looked at me as she adjusted. Kaso magsasalita pala’ng siya ulit sa akin narinig ko na ang boses ni Mr. Del Mundo.

Bumababa kasam si Joshua, hinarap ko ang Daddy niya. Nakangiti lang ito sa akin naghihintay ng sasabihin ko.

“Sir, I want to take Agustina to our province, Grandma and Grandpa want to see her “ Nakita ko siya’ng bahagya’ng nagulat pero kaagad ding ngumiti. “Pwede po ba, Sir?”

“Just call me, Tito, Hijo..” I just smiled, he let go of me and faced her daughter.’Sa’yo ko lang ipagkakatiwala ang anak ko.“

I let them talk while just looking at them. I look at Joshua because she is also looking at me. I do not know why he is looking at me.

Agustina took Joshua to our place, so it was okay for her not to get bored on the flight.

I waited for Agustina because she took and packed her things.

“How long have you been there, Hijo?” Tito Reynaldo asked. Napatingin naman ako kay Tito.

“Tito, kahit po mga dalawa’ng araw lang po…” nakangiti’ng sambit ko sa kanya. “Gusto’ng-gusto na talaga siya’ng makita nina Lolo…”

Tito didn’t speak anymore, I just waited for Agustina and Joshua to come down. They are still a long way off. I have nothing more to say and I am not used to his parents.

“David.” Tito calls me. “Please, take care of my Daughter” My jaw moved. “I know you don’t accept him but I hope … I hope you take care of her ..”

I looked at Tito because I was really quiet and could not speak again. She is the one asking me for her son.

“Can I count on you?”

“Yes …” I just answered him.

Tumayo kami’ng dalawa ng bumaba sina Agustina. Kinausap ni Tito ang kanya’ng anak, nasa likod lang naman ako. Yumakap siya sa kanya’ng ama habang ako tinitignan ko siyang nakayakap.

I can no longer avoid looking at her, I just always can not avoid it.

Merry Christmas, Everyone! Keepsafe and Enjoy! Thank you so much!

Chapter 27

(David’s P.O.V on Chapter 05)

David

Tahimik lang kami buo’ng biyahe, hinayaan ko na si Joshua na magmaneho at hindi ko na pinilit pa ang gusto ko. Nasa tabi niya ako habang si Agustina ay nasa likod namin katabi ang mga gamit.

I feel so heavy, I feel even more unable to breathe because Agustina is just behind me, we will be behind. I hold my breath because Joshua can hear me too.

I was just looking at the front, I didn’t want to look at them but my eyes, I looked in the review mirror and looked at Agustina there.

She was just looking out the window. I averted my gaze as soon as she moved. She might even catch me looking at her.

“Are you okay, Agu?” Joshua asked her.

“Ayos lang, nahihilo lang ako kaunti.” Napatingin na din ako sa kanya sa likod, Alam ko hindi naman masyado’ng malakas ang aircon. O dahil siguro hindi lang siya sanay bumiyahe. Gumalaw ang panga ko, para’ng may gusto ako’ng gawin na hindi ko magawa.

Sumandal siya ulit sa bintana, nakita ako pagpikit niya. Sigurado na ako’ng nahihilo na talaga siya.

“Masyado ata’ng malakas ang aircon.” Joshua said again, he couldn’t help but look at Agustina in the back. “Agu–” kailangan ko ng kumilos.

“Ako na lang ang maga-adjust sa aircon.” Ako na ang nagsalita, nag-alangan pa si Joshua at lumingon sa daan,

I moved slightly backwards and turned down the aircon that focused on her. She would be even more dizzy if it was all loud and open. She just stared at me as I did that.

I felt like I was going crazy, the length of time she looked at me.

I turned to her, I had to be normal. “Mag-jacket ka kung nilalamig ka pa din”

“Wait, Agu.” I heard Joshua, it was good that the light was red because she was taking off his jacket, Umiwas na ako ng tingin sa kanila’ng dalawa. Kinuha ni Joshua ang jacket niya at nilahad sa likod.

“Eto, Agu, Isuot mo” Sigurado naman ako’ng tinaggap ko iyon ni Agustina at sinuot niya. Tumingin nanaman ako sa review mirror, sinuot nga niya at talaga’ng pinulupot sa kanya’ng katawan.

She returned to leaning against the window and closed her eyes again.I was not mistaken, she fell asleep right away so I looked at her freely in the back.

Instead of looking around, I just stayed on the road. I really don’t like her and then I’ll look at her.Bahagya ako’ng umiling para mapansin ako ni Joshua na nagmamaneho sa tabi ko.

“I know how you feel.” I bit my lip, is he obvious? Well he knows because I do not know how I feel.

I did not speak, I just looked around at what we were going through.

“Are you confused? Or what?”

Tangina naman

He still knows how I feel now that I don’t know him and talk to him. Bakit ba niya iniintidi ang nararamdaman ko, ako nga wala’ng pakielam kahit nayayamot na. Iniwas na lang akong humilig sa bintana.

“Gusto mo ba si Agustina?”

Wft?

Inis ako’ng bumaling sa kanya. “Bakit ko siya magugustuhan?” Potangina naman bakit ko ba ’to nararanasan.

“When you like people, there is no reason … Mr. Gomez, I’m sorry but I can see in the way you look of her is–”

“No, I don’t like her … I like someone else.” I avoided. Maybe I’m just confused and I haven’t seen a woman since the things I did happened. Hindi na ako nakakita ng mga babae.

I have never heard him speak, I am sure he will always make me look like that.

“Here we are …” Joshua looked outside “Nice here” I nodded. I immediately saw Grandma in the garden, Leigh did not disappear there. He talked to Grandma.

I could not get out, I looked at Agustina in the back, she was still asleep.

“Are you going to wake her up?” I even heard Joshua’s laughing question, I looked at him badly and looked back at Agustina.

“No … You did it …”

I went out with some of my belongings.

“Lolo, Lola!” I waved and shouted, they turned to me and stood happily. Naglakad na ako papalapit roon hindi ko din mapigilan ang ngiti ko dahil talaga namang namiss ko sila.

Lumapit na ako sa kanila at niyakap ko sila’ng dalawa lalo na si Lola, sa likod naman ay naroon si Leigh nakatingin sa amin at nakangiti sa akin. Ang tagal ko siya’ng hindi nakita.

“Apo, mas lalo ka’ng lumaki” Inabot at hinawakan ako ni Lola sa mukha ko, ako naman ay tumawa sa sobra’ng galak.

“Nasaan ang asawa mo, Oliver?” tanong ni Lolo pagkatapos niya ako’ng halikan sa buhok.

I know Grandpa is angry but every time I come here he never forgets to kiss my hair. Or anywhere he kisses me.

I smiled at them, I couldn’t take my eyes off Leigh, as if I just wanted to approach her.

“Nakatulog po, ginigising na po ng bestfriend niya…” nagtagal ang tingin sa akin ni Lolo, siguro iniisip niya bakit hindi na lang ako ’yung gumawa.

Grandma kissed me again and hugged me, she looked at me as if she wanted to tell me something. I do not know what that is.

“All right, approach Leigh, we will wait for your wife here to get close …” I kissed Lola before I finally walked closer to Leigh.

“Leigh” smiling I said to her. I’d rather just pay my attention to Leigh. Just for her.

“Oliver” I grabbed her waist, my lips could not stop at her. “I’m glad to see you again …” I approached and kissed her forehead. “The time you lost” once hugged her.

“I’m sorry … I’m already here” I walked away from her but I still held her. “How are you here?” Nakahawak siya sa dibdib ko,

“Ayos naman ako dito, sanay na ako rito sa probinsya…” hindi din mawala ang mga ngiti sa labi niya, ako hindi ko matagal ang tingin sa kanya. “Mananatili lang ako rito ng ilang araw…malapit na din ang photoshoot…:” natahimik kami pareho.

I’m glad I don’t understand, I can’t help but think of what Joshua and I talked about earlier.

I can already hear some greetings from Grandma and Grandpa that Agustina and I are finally close to them.

I did not take my eyes off Leigh, I caressed her cheek. “Don’t be sad …” I held his hand tightly. “I miss you …”

“Tara pasok na tayo,” nilapag ko kaagad ang mga gamit ko sa sahig, inaya ko si Leigh na umupo dahil sumunod naman kaagad sina Lola sa pagpasok kasama sina Agustina. Sa tabi ko si Joshua at sa kabila naman niya ay si Agustina na umupo.

“Grabe namiss ko dito sa atin.” nakangiti’ng sambit ko. “Kung pwede lang magtagal dito, eh”

Narinig ko ang tawa ni Leigh kaya lalo ako’ng nangiti sa kanya. “Stay here I’ll be happy, let’s take a walk around town.”

“That’s good.” I took her hand and turned to Grandpa because they were already sitting.

“Agustina, hija how are you?” I saw Grandpa holding Grandma’s hand as she asked my fiancé. Hindi ko naman maiwasang mangiti, kahit kailan hindi ko nakita’ng hindi niya hinawakan si Lola kapag magkasama sila.

“Ayos naman po, Lolo.” magalang nasagot ni Agustina sa kanila. Hinaplos ko ang kamay ni Leigh nang marinig ko ang sagot nito. For Leigh I must stay …

“Saan ba ulit ang kasal n’yo ng apo namin, hija?” tanong nanaman ni Lola kaya natahimik na kami ni Leigh, napanganga ako sa tanong niya.

“Po…Sa Finland daw po sabi ni Daddy….”

“Kami din ay makakasama, hija. Naeexcite na ako.”

Grandpa looked at me secretly, I could not move what he was looking at me. I avoided immediately I could not look at him for a long time.

“David,” tawag ni Lolo Arnaldo sa akin, kakaiba talaga ang boses niya. Nag-angat ako ng tingin at tinignan siya, si Lola ay nakatingin na din sa akin.

“Po…Lolo” I said softly to him, he called me I did not know what he was going to say.

“Nabayaran n’yo na ba ang ilang utang?”  My mouth opened slightly, I lost my mind because of the thoughts if I was not good and how I felt. “Nakakatanggap pa din kayo ng mga utang?”

Kumabog ang dibdib ko sa paraan ng pagtanong ni Lolo.

“Dito ng lola, hanggang ditto nakakatanggap kami.” bakas sa kanya ang inis niya. Kinabahan ako kaagad. Wala ako’ng alam na pati sila rito ay nakakatanggap.

“I don’t know … not anymore–” pinutol niya ang sasabihin ko.

“Some friends who are already asking for a loan are also calling, our company is also very bankrupt.”

What?

I really don’t know, I don’t know what Grandpa is saying because I don’t receive anything.

So I have no idea.’

“But they can pay–”  I was silent when he hit the table, Grandma stopped him immediately. I was swallowed up in no time.

“We would not have asked to harm others if it were not for you!” dinuro niya ako. “Nakakaperwisyo lang tayo sa iba alam mo ba ’yun?!”

I was licked inside my mouth, here it is again. We are in company talk again. I do not know if I was still affected because I still do not forget everything that happened to my friends.

“Lo-” Leigh was immediately cut off by Grandpa, I touched her I don’t want her to even touch the trouble I made.

“Bakit may alam ka ba?” natahimik kami’ng dalawa ni Leigh, napayuko siya habang ako tinitignan si Lolo. Hindi ko na alam ang sasabihin ko. Talaga nga namang nakkaaipit laht ng ginawa ko.

Honestly, honestly I really haven’t done anything yet, I don’t know how to get started. I have no starting point, how come.

“Lo.” mabilis ako’ng napatingin sa pwesto ni Agustina. Mabigat ang hiningang nagawa ko. Damn, ano nanaman ba’ng sasabihin niya?

“Wiling po kami’ng tumulong. Ang alam ko po ay nabayaran na ang iba. Dahil po siguro sa iba’ng kapartner n’yo ay lalo’ng nadadagdagan.” malumanay na sambit nito. Tangina naman napakawala’ng kwenta ko talaga, lalo ako’ng naiinis bakit ba niya kailanga’ng makisali?

Hilig niya’ng makielam

My eyes became naughty, I just kept looking at Grandpa and Agustina, I do not know what went into her head.

Why am I annoyed? I was so annoyed.

Nagtama ang paningin naming dalawa, binigyan ko siya ng nakakasama’ng tingin. Umiwas siya kaagad.

“I’m sorry if the others have not been paid yet, Daddy is just starting to help you. Don’t be so angry with David anymore.”

My jaw dropped at what she said, there was something I felt again that I could not explain.

Too much, I can no longer handle everything.

“Oliver? Are you okay?” I just looked at Leigh as if nothing had happened when we entered the room.

“Yes …” I sat on the bed and leaned back. “Sorry, you still joined …”

I never heard her speak again, she was sitting at my study table and was quiet. We were both quiet, I knew very well what was running through her mind. Ako lang naman talaga ako pinakamagulo, sarili ko hindi ko maintindihan.

I stood up so she turned to me, I could no longer think sensibly, I felt like I was going crazy again.

“Why?” she asked me,she was still sitting looking at me.

“Dito kana muna, Kakausapin ko lang si Agustina.” I did not receive a word from her, she did not look at me anymore.

I hesitated to go out, already at the door and looking at her.

“I’ll be right back …”

I went out, I made my way to Agustina’s room, I was shaking as I walked.

What else can I say to her? Tangina naman o

Nakakasira ng ulo

Nadatnan ko’ng nakabukas ang pintuan ng kwarto nila, nag-uusap pero hindi ako interesado pa’ng makinig kung ano iyon.

Nasa pintuan ako at tinawag si Agustina. “Del Mundo” natahimik sila’ng dalawa, nilingon niya ako. I can’t get rid of the annoyance I feel. ’Mag-usap tayo.“

Umalis ako sa pintuan niya at naghintay ng tuluyan malapit sa hagdan. Naiinis na ako sa nararamdaman ko, wala na ako’ng paliwanag pa. Naghintay ako sa kanya rito.

Chapter 28

(David’s P.O.V on Chapter 6 and 7)

David

I just crossed my arms while waiting, wondering what kind of stupidity I could say again.

“David.” I heard her call, I knew it was l her, I was the only one I could talk to.

I turned to l her, angry and irritated I looked at her.

Kung ano-ano na lang tumatakbo sa isipan ko, basta ang alam ko lang naiinis ako na hindi ko alam ang dahilan. Nakaiwas siya ng tingin sa akin, nasa baba ang tingin at wala sa akin.

My lips quiver, what else can I say stupidity.

“Pwede ba’ng huwag ka ng makikielam pa? Bakit ba ang hilig mo’ng makisali?” I was so annoyed with myself, I was so annoyed. I waited for her to look at me but I was stunned when we both looked at each other.

To not notice me I frowned even more.

“Why? There’s nothing wrong with what I did, please–” she couldn’t continue what he was going to say when I approached her, irritating,

“Damn you, wala ka’ng karapatang makielam sa buhay ko, sa pamilya ko. Tandaan mo ’yan” matigas ko’ng sabi, tinago ko ang nararamdaman ko lahat. Naiinis ako sa kanya. Ang hilig niya’ng makielam sa akin.

She looked up at me and I violently grabbed her arm and squeezed it very tightly. My jaw moves in anger.

I beat her even harder and stared at him. Tangina! Nakakaputangina. Titig na titig ako sa mga mata niya. Nanlalambot ako na ewan na hindi ko maipaliwanag.

“You fucking disgusting, never know more — ’ nagulat ako ng may humila sa akin palayo kay Agustina.

“Fuck you, Gomez!”

I let go of Agustina and I was pulled over by the one who pulled me, Joshua. He almost punched me but someone stopped him and intervened with us.

fuck!

Leigh mediated between Joshua and me.

“Joshua!” Agustina shouted, she immediately pulled Joshua so that he could not approach me. I can’t explain as I look at Joshua who looks so bad at me. He was annoyed and angry with me.

But the two of us did not move, we worked together while holding the collar of one. Tangina. Hindi na niya ako purohan pa. Hindi sapat kay Joshua na hawak lang ako.

“Bakit? Totoo naming pakielamera ’yang malan—” si Leigh, humarang ako kaagad sa kanya dahil pati siya papatulan ni Joshua mabuti na lang pinigilan ni Agustina.

“Joshua, tama na!” sigaw nito, tuluyang hinihila si Joshua palayo sa aming dalawa ni Leigh. I had no idea that Leigh would follow me, because first of all he did not touch me so I did not know that he still wanted to join the fight.

Leigh clung to me, my jaw tightened as I stared at the two in front of us. Dinuro ni Joshua si Leigh, galit na galit habang sumigaw ito.

“Wala ka’ng karapatan tawaging malandi si Agustina, hindi mo naman alam ang ugali niya.” I frowned even more at Agustina as I looked at her. It hurts that I want to shout at him for what he did.

“Tangina mo, hindi mo nga ipagtanggol ’yang lalaki mo.” dagdag na sigaw niya kaya mas lalo ako’ng nainis. Muli ito’ng hinila ni Agustina dahilan para matigilan nanaman.

“David,” He called to me, we all looked at him especially me, I stopped and his chest throbbed as I looked at him. “Sorry, I don’t know, but I still respect you, not as my future husband. I also have no intention of accepting you as my husband. “I was stunned. But I frowned, what is he saying?

“Dahil nirerepesto pa din kita bilang tao, tuwing nagagalit sila sa’yo di’ba pati ako nadadamay? Pati ang pamilya ko.” Nakita ko ang paghawak niya kay Joshua, hindi ko na alam, wala na ako’ng alam kung ano’ng mararamdaman ko sa mga nangyayari.

“Sige, hindi na mauulit. Kung hindi na madadamay pa ang pamilya ko.” madilim niya ako’ng tinignan. Palihim ako’ng napalunok. Ang kapal naman ng mukha ako pa may gana’ng matakot sa mga pinaggagawa ko.

“It’s not funny at all, it’s like it’s our fault that we can’t pay for everything?” she laughed slightly. “Stupid isn’t it?” the three of us were quiet with her. She looked at Leigh next to me.

“Baka ikaw ang malandi, sarili mo sinasabihan mo” Nalaglag ang panga ako sa binitawan niya’ng salita. Hindi ko naalis ang paningin sa kanya. “Don’t worry, Gomez this is your stupidity, we will fix it ourselves.” sacristong he smiled at me. She looked back at Leigh again.

She pulled Joshua again. “All your debts will be paid and one day you will return them to us.” They passed us both.

I can only hear my heartbeat, Leigh and I are silent, I have nothing to say.

I just saw Leigh, left me and entered our room. Npahawak ako sa railing ng hagdan. Npapalunok ng mariin at hindi na alam kung ano’ng gagawin ko.

“Tanginang to” I crunched cheaply while bowing, I was especially annoyed maybe because I lost to the two of us. I lost again. I have to do something, I can’t do nothing. Kailangan ko ng kumilos, hindi ko pwede’ng iasa na lang kila Daddy lalo na ako ang may gawa ng gulo’ng ginawa ko.

I stayed in my place for a few hours, I thought to myself but I could not think of anything sensible. No, my trouble. I hate it so much, so much.

Leigh and I did not talk when I got back to our room. I just found her typing on her laptop. She ignored my entry earlier.

I sat on the bed and leaned back. I have nothing. So much nothing. I just looked at Leigh’s back, sadly looking at her.

Leigh, I’m sorry, I don’t even know what’s happening to me anymore.

Gusto ko namang ayusin pero hindi ko magawa. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako magsisimula. Ang pride ko’ng tao, hindi ko matanggap ang gagawin ko. Sarili ko lang talaga ang iniintindi ko. Sarili ko lang.

Napailing ako at tumingin na lang sa kisame.

“Ma’am, Sir” nakarinig kami ng katok at bumakas ang pintuan. Si Ate Mariel ang naroon, ang katulong namin. “Kakain na po” Tumango ako sa kanya at ngumiti.

“Sunod na lang po kami”

Too long also, I did not realize that I did not really think anything good. I was just thinking wrong, I was disgusted and I just annoyed everyone.

I looked at Leigh, she was already standing as she put away her belongings.

“Are you still writing a story?” I asked, I broke the silence of the two of us. I also got up. She approached the door.

“Yes, I’m still writing …” she looked at me. “Let’s go down.” she said and went ahead. Pagbaba namin ay wala pa sina Agusina roon, nagmano kami ni Leigh kila Lolo at Lola. Umupo na din kami kaagad.

Hindi kami nagsalita’ng apat, nakatingin lang ako sa mga plato ko kahit nakikita ko ang mga tingin ni Lolo sa akin.

Agustina and Joshua also went down, they both sat opposite Leigh and me, I immediately looked at Agustina, she also looked at the plate.

Too quiet, I’m not used to it. Because when we eat we talk too much. Inabala ko na din ang sarili ko sa pagkain. Hindi ko na pinansin kung ano’ng nangyayari.

I sighed.

“Oh, your wedding is coming up.” Grandpa Arnaldo lowered the glass he was holding, napatingin kami’ng dalawa ni Agustina sa isa’t-isa.

“Hija,” tawag ni Lola sa kanya kaya naputol ang titigan naming dalawa. “Saan ang gaganap wedding photoshoot n’yo?” Wala ako’ng kaalam-alam sa wedding photoshoot, pareho kami’ng wala’ng alam.

“Leigh, ikakasal na si David, wala ka ba’ng bala—”

“Mahal ko po si David.” sagot kaagad ni Leigh, hinawakan ko ang kamay niya sa ilalim ng mesa. Mahigpit ko siya’ng hinawakan. Gusto ko si Leigh, Alam ko ’yun.

“Ikakasal na ’yan, huwag mo ng ipilit.” Wala’ng gana’ng sabi ni Lolo Arnaldo. “Mahal kaba ni—”

“Mahal ko po siya, Lolo” mabilis ko ding sagot sa kanya. I saw Grandma’s face change while Grandpa didn’t want to look at us, at me.

“Para’ng sinasabi mo’ng ayaw mo’ng ayusin ’to’ng ginawa mo’ng problema?” Grandpa added.

My jaw and lips moved, are we here again? Is it hard to understand that I do not like Agustina? Why do I have to marry someone else?

“Are you annoyed? Are you upset? It’s all your fault. Even other people sympathize with what you did.” I frowned at how I was feeling and thinking.

“Bakit kasalan—”

“Hindi lang kompanya natin ang bumagsak, kompanya din ng mga barkada mo.”

Ano?

Bakit pati kompanya ng barkada ko? Ang alam ko wala’ng nangayri roon. Dahil hindi na nakielam pa si Daddy kahit galit na galit siya sa kanila.

Grandma Natasha turned to her grandson, she looked sad.

“Grandson, if you don’t want your Daddy and Grandpa to be angry with you, just follow.” She said affectionately to me and held my hand. “Please, Apo para hindi kana mahirapan.” My lips parted slightly, I also had a hard time looking at her.

After eating I stayed outside first, ventilating. I left Leigh in the room first, I put her to sleep here because it was already night.

I was just looking at the galaxy, the moon was so beautiful especially. I smiled slightly.

I hope I do not regret everything, I hope not …

I heard my phone ring so I looked up.

Daddy;

The photoshoot is open, Son, get ready for that

Yes, Daddy, I’m sorry I’m such a stupid child, I’m just a headache. But promise … I will fix …

“ Make a pose, please“ Agustina and I sighed at what the Photographer said, the camera was in front of us and very focused on us. I can’t move properly, Agustina’s closeness to me I don’t want her to feel me, I myself am going crazy again.

I couldn’t stop either because my hand was holding Agustina and her hand was on my chest. We both just do not know how to do the pose, I just try to smile and be good with the camera.

Dahil naka polo shirt lang ako ramdam na ramdam ko ang palad ni Agustina sa dibdib ko, mahahalaa niya ako lalo kung matatagalan pa siya roon. I also can’t take my eyes off her, because the White floral dress she is wearing is just right for her. I can’t help but bite my lip.

After a few poses we did, Agustina immediately let go of me, I watched her walk the table where Joshua was.

I went to Leigh at our table very hot. I smiled immediately. I immediately kissed his forehead and sat down next to him.

“I’m sorry I took so long” she wiped me, I was really sweaty.

“All right.” she approached me and kissed me.

“Leigh …” I grabbed her waist and hugged her at the same time. Sa kanya lang…sana kanya na lang. Mahigpit ko siya’ng niyakap, mahigpit na mahigpit. “Leigh…”

“It’s okay, David…” hinaplos niya ang likod ko kaya mas lalo’ng guminhawa ang pakiramdam ko. Sobra’ng nahihirapan na ako, hindi ko na alam kung ano’ng gagawin ko. I’m confused about my thoughts, whether I’m still thinking right or not. After dinner I stayed in our room. Leigh is busy with her laptop again.

It seems like I don’t want to act again, Agustina and I will have another photoshoot later in the Dinning Area.

“Leigh?” I called her, she immediately turned to me. “What can I wear?” I said softly, as if something was strange about us. I can not say what.

She stood up and approached the closet, looking at what I could wear. The weight of my feeling as I looked at her.

I just bowed down, I want to cry over my feelings. I still can’t forget how I was hurt by my friends, especially my family.

My chest ached, my vision blurred.

“Oli–” Even though I bent down I still saw Leigh facing me. Nanginginig ang mga labi ko, tuluyan na ako’ng umiyak. “Olive–”

“Mahal mo ba talaga ako?” kaagad ko’ng tanong sa kanya, Wrong, I know it’s too wrong. I can’t explain what that is.

She approached me, I looked at her painfully. Kaagad niya’ng hinawakan ang pisngi ko, malungkot ako’ng tinitignan. I cried even more as she looked at me, I also saw how her eyes watered. “L-Leigh …” I stammered.

“I’m sorry … my trouble, Oliver …” what does she mean? “I know we’re both scared …” I couldn’t help but be surprised and stunned.

Are we both just scared?

“Leigh, ano’ng ibig mo’ng sabihin?” tanong ko sa kanya, hinawakan ko din ang kamay niya’ng nakahawak sa pisngi ko. I cried especially while looking at her, because even I knew I was still a fool here. Even though I know I’m still asking.

Because I don’t know about Leigh, I don’t know what she means.

“We both fell for different people …” she forced a smile on my face. She caressed my cheek again. “I know … in the first place, Oliver, you immediately fell for Agustina.”

“No…” I shook my head and held her hand tightly. “No, Leigh”

“Oliver…huwag na tayo’ng maglokohan pa…” Mas lalo’ng naging masuyo ang haplos niya sa akin. “Dahil kagaya ko…hindi mo din matanggap na mahuhulog ka sa kagaya niya…”

“Leigh, Nahulog ka din…ba–”

“Yes, I’m fell in love with a girl too…” I bit my lip when I saw her cry again, she cried even more than she said. I can see if it’s hard for her. It hurts me to see her cry.

“L-Leigh …” I hugged her in my arms, hugging her tightly and caressing her slowly. “I’m sorry …”

“I’m sorry, Oliver … I’m scared so I even managed to use you …”

I pressed my cheek to her head, I do not want to let go of her. “We’re the same, Leigh … but I’m more stupid than I did … I just didn’t notice.” Patuloy ako’ng nasasaktan, patuloy kami’ng nag-iiyakan na dalawa. Hindi ko na alam kung ano pa’ng sasabihin ko. Hindi ko na alam.

“Leigh.”

“Oliver, tara na nakapili na ako ng susuotin mo…” lumayo siya sa akin, tinignan ako at ginulo ang buhok ko. “Oliver … he touched my chest, I could feel it, my heart throbbing again. “ Follow this… “ My lips trembled as I looked at her.

“Whether it happens well or not please … Just love your future wife…”

“P-Paan–”

“Oliver, you are annoyed because you were the first to fell the two of you.” My lips twitched, What? “I know everything, Oliver … I’m also annoyed because I fell for the two of us …”

“Even if she is not a real man, you will respect her as a person … even if she is no longer your wife. For somehow … you will not hurt him.” Pinagdikit niya ang noo naming dalawa. ’Hindi ako mawawala sa tabi mo, kahit ganito. Hindi ako mawawala“

“Nandito ka pa din? Para sa akin?” I’m afraid to trust again, Leigh, even if it’s just Leigh I want to trust again my friend.

I cried, my tears kept flowing. “P-Please, don’t–”

“I’m not like them, so I can take care of you as your friend, I will not be able to disappoint you.” She walked away from me. She stood up, she extended her hand to me. “I will stay with you …”

I reached for her hand, I immediately hugged her. I don’t want to let go, I don’t want to. Even just one … even if Leigh just became my friend and be true to me, I’m fine. It’s all right. Kahit isa lang…

Pinasuot niya sa akin ay Longsleeve polo at isa’ng High Waisted Trousers napatingin ako sa salamin habang tinitignan ang sarili ko, nakatuck-in na din.

“Oliver, bagay sa’yo.” nakangiti’ng sambit ni Leigh habang tinitignan din ako. Nakuha pa niya ako’ng pictureran. “Ang gwapo mo, panigurado magugustuhan ng asawa mo.”

“Tsk, ’di ko siya asawa.” Hindi ko pa din matanggap, hindi ko alam para’ng hindi ko kaya’ng tanggapin.

I fixed my hair, Leigh was busy spraying me with perfume, so I could also smell myself.

“Your scent, you’re handsome” Leigh laughed so I still can’t believe it. “You are seriously handsome.”

“Mauuna na ako, ha? May gagawin ka pa ba?” Inakbayan ko siya kaagad, balak nanaman akong lubayan at lalapit nanaman sa laptop niya. “Abrantes, ang snobber” himutok ko.

She pushed me over and sat down in the chair, I frowned.

“Later, after that, will you come down?”

“Yes, I will go down.” She typed on her laptop. “Goodluck, Oliver.”

“Bye, will you come down later ha?”

“All right”

I was so nervous and the force of my chest pounding while walking in the dressing room where Agustina was, I don’t know but I just don’t seem to want to continue. And another one is waiting for us at the bottom.

When I confessed to the door of the Dressing room I saw Agustina, she was not well yet so I frowned a bit. Why is it not fixed yet.

But I also lost my frown as I looked at him.

“I’m not there either - Mister Gomez, you are.” Mia was the first to notice me, Agustina turned to me and our eyes met. Nilingon ko naman ang closet bago ko siya ulit nilingon.

“Bakit hindi ka pa nag-aayos?” para’ng nalamigan ako sa sarili ko’ng boses.

“Sir, Miss Agustina can’t choose.” Si Mia ang sumagot sa akin, Tumayo si Agustina, sa kanya pa din ako nakatingin kaya nakita ko pa din iyon. As in titig na titig lang ako sa kanya. Di ko maalis ang tingin sa kanya.

Umalis ako sa harapan niya at lumapit sa closet, umalis na din si Mia kaya malaya ako’ng pumili ng mga damit na naroon.

“I will choose what you will wear.”

I kept moving the clothes until I had chosen one for her. “Magsisimula na sila. Ikaw na lang ang wala kaya pinuntahan na kita.” huminto ako saglit. “Gusto ko ng matapos kaagad. May pupuntahan pa kami ni Leigh.” kahit ’di ko naman alam kung talaga’ng aalis kami mamaya.

Talaga naman, nababaliw na ako

“Gusto ka ding makita ng mga lolo’t lola ko.” rinig ko’ng sambit niya. “Huwag sana kayo’ng magtatagal dahil hindi ko alam kung ano’ng ipapaliwanag kapag nagtanong.” Hindi ako sumagot.

“Please, wear this Black Tuxedo Sheath Dress.” she faced me as I held the dress. I told her that he was looking at me.

I swallowed, I hope she also likes the dress I chose, I moved it.

I hope she accepts.

“Make if fast, Del Mundo.” I said quickly. “Accept this, and wear.” I was even more grateful because he accepted. I walked to her place earlier where he was sitting.

“I’ll be waiting for you here.” Umupo ako sa upuan niya kanina. My lips were shaking, I wanted to smile without knowing so I just frowned and looked at him. “Bilis na, bilisan mo na”

Pumasok na sila sa c.r kasama si Mia, sumandal na lang ako at tumingin sa mga gamit niya sa closet, hindi ko naman din kinausap ang mga make up stylist na kasama ko rito.

“Ma’am” tawag ko, nilingon naman nila ako’ng lahat. “Ayusan n’yo—’ I stopped speaking when I saw her come out of the cr. We all fell silent, I was staring at her because it suited hee, she was beautiful.

She combed her hair. “Sorry, I’m took so long…”

“Youlook so beautiful, Miss Del Mundo.” bati sa kanya nina Mia, ako naman nahihiya’ng tumingin sa kanya. Ang ganda talaga niya.

Agustina turned to me, I was still looking at her.

“David.” she called me, my neck moved to avoid looking at him, I did not want her to notice me.

“What?” I asked while frowning.

“Thank you for choosing what to wear. I really don’t have a choice.” I held my breath, she smiled as she looked at me, it was serious.

“Mister Gomez, ano’ng masasabi mo sa suot ng iyo’ng mapapangasawa? Bagay ba sa kanya?” Mia asked me, hindi ako kaagad nakabawi. Nilingon ko ito at kaagad din naman ako’ng umiwas.

Sobra’ng ganda niya, Mia, gusto mo ba’ng ipagsigawan ko pa?

Napailing ako sa sarili’ng iniisip. Nakakabaliw, sobra

“Bagay sa kanya….” I covered my mouth. “Please, fix it. So that I will not be late for my date. “ fuck, I can’t help but to smile, damn it.

I immediately messed up my hair and turned around again. “Damn, please make it fast.”

SHe immediately fixed it, I just looked again, I will not be avoided even if we are both looking in the mirror. The repairers tell her a lot, it really matters to her.

Well, that’s what I chose for her, because I really liked her.

“Miss, you are beautiful.”

She finished fixing it so I was free to see her. She’s very well…very well.

“Mister Gomez, what can you say about Miss Del Mundo’s appearance?” Agustina and I our eyes met again.

“Mister Gomez?” tanong nanaman sa akin ni Mia.

She stood up. I can’t control my lips, I want to smile but I can’t.

“She’s so…beautiful …”

She thanked those who had arranged for me and turned to me again.

“Thank you, again.” I stared at her for a long time as before I realized I was frowning.

Putcha naman, pagtatawanan ako ni Leigh sa mga nangyayari sa akin kapag sinabi ko sa kanya.

“Tsk, let’s go to the Dinning Area” I got up and walked to the door. Case I looked at the man who entered, he was also organized. It was Joshua and I immediately looked up.

“Where’s Agu?” because I was blocking him he could not see Agustina.

He passed me when I saw his smile, maybe he already saw what he was looking for.

“Wow, Agu. Sobra’ng ganda mo!” nilingon ko sila’ng dalawa, niyayakap siya ni Joshua at gigil na gigil pa din kay Agustina. Nagkatinginan kami’ng dalawa, hindi ko pa din maiwasang tignan siya palagi.

“Josh, alis na tayo, Baka malate tayo sa photoshoot.”

“Ow” he released to Agustina, “I’ll be you es–” what? I am the husband I going to escort her.

“I am her future husband, So I will be her escort.” I approached them, they both fell silent. Joshua stared at me and grinned. “Excuse me,”

“Let’s go.” I offered my arm for her. I want to be her escort. I am only as long as I am here.

Chapter 29

David’s P.O.V on Chapter 8

David

I did not say a word and I was not deaf so I could not hear Agustina’s heartbeat as she clung to me and we walked to Dinning Area. Pinilit ko na lang maging normal habang nakakakapit siya sa akin, sobra’ng nababaliw na ako hindi ko alam kung ano pa’ng pwede ko’ng gawin. I feel like she is restless, we are both restless in the way we are now. Very suffocating.

Mia greeted us with the photographers as we entered the Dinning Area. I couldn’t help but look at the floor because it was slippery. I slightly tightened my grip on her.

“Agu, the floor is slippery.” Narinig ko’ng sambit ni Joshua, kagaya ni Agustina nilingon ko siya. Talaga namang lumapit siya sa amin. Pumunta siya sa gilid ni Agustina.

“Josh” sambit niya. Nahihirapan ko na siya’ng tinignan.

“Del Mundo.” tawag ko pero hindi niya ako nilingon dahil inalay na ni Joshua ang braso niya kay Agustina. Joshua ignored me, he held Agustina and he supported me just like me. We continued to approach the table, I looked at it.

Lots of prepared food and I liked the arrangement, it was a perfect fit for Agustina and me.

I could not help but smile at my thoughts.

“Mr. Gomez and Miss Del Mundo, maupo na po kayo para makapagsimula na po tayo.” tinignan ko lang sina Joshua at Agustina, binitiwan kasi ni Joshua ito kaya pinanood ko na lang sila’ng dalawa.

“Thank you, Josh.” nakita ko pa’ng kinurot ni Agustna ang pisngi ni Joshua kaya napasimangot ako ng bahagya, tinignan ko lang sila. Hinintay ko lumingon sa akin si Agustina. “Lapitan kita agad pagkatapos.”

When Joshua got away then Agustina turned to me, I don’t know if I didn’t feel annoyed or disgusted as if I didn’t even want to stay away from her.

I also walked with her to her chair. I ignored her looks at me, “Ipaghihila na kita ng upuan,” hinila ko ang upuan niya na nasa tabi naming dalawa. Bumaba ang tingin niya roon kaya tinitignan ko siya. “Please, have a sit…”

I don’t do it just for the photoshoot, I do it because I want to. There is a part of me that should do this.

Maybe Leigh was right, I should not be afraid.

Nakakarinig na kami ng ilang tunog ng camera, talaga’ng kinukuhaan na nila kami. Pagkatapos niya’ng umupo lumakad na ako sa harapan para umupo na. I see she is not okay with our situation now. I saw that she was counted but I ignored that too. The important thing is that I really know how I feel. I should not be confused.

I just quietly drink the juice in my glass, I have nothing to say I’m satisfied with the way I look at her … close to me.

“Just eat, Del Mundo.” Even though I want to call her by her name I keep my mouth shut. I smiled at her, I saw how surprised she was.

“Just go with flow,” I ignored the few cameras focused on the two of us. Even I myself was restless in my seat. Because I can see the way she looks at me. I would have approached her in case she got up right away.

“Other pose, Please” I heard the photographer say to us. I, on the other hand, do not know what to do anymore. I was still hesitant to approach her so she looked at me.

I smiled causing her to stare at me even more.

“Just smile…” he clung to her as I touched her waist. My jaw moved immediately, I was holding him. First time I touched him. Nagulat naman ako ng ngumiti siya sa akin, ngiti’ng wala’ng tinatago.

Hanggang sa matapos, hindi ko maalis ang tingin sa kanya. Gusto ko sana’ng tignan ang mga litrato namin kaso nahihiya na ako. Ayoko na kasi’ng tanggalin ang tingin sa kanya.

I still haven’t let go of hse, I feel like I still lack the handle. I want to hold her even tighter. She approached me slightly, in case she did not continue to say.

“Let me go–” the photographers have already seen us, I’ll just look at our photos when it’s really over.

“Not now, Del Mundo.” I pulled her closer to me causing our bodies to stick together. Damn I want more, Agustina. “Let me just from now …”

I looked at the photographers, I did not know where else we would take pictures.

“Saan ang susunod?” tanong ko sa kanya habang papalabas kami ng Dinning Area. Naging magulo siya dahil na din siguro sa akin, hindi kasi mapakali ang kanya’ng leeg na para’ng may hinahanap siya.

“David.” tawag niya ng nasa beach na kami. Pasalamat na lang hindi na masyado’ng mainit. Halos matutunaw na ako kanina’ng umaga. Napapatingin pa din ako sa kanya, nakatingin siya sa harapan.

I still want to be with Agustina, no matter how long as long as I can understand how I feel, I can only understand that I am okay.

I don’t want to be confused, I want to understand everything. I wouldn’t be like this if it weren’t for her.

Maybe I can’t really accept that so I’m annoyed. I don’t know anything like this so I really need Leigh’s help.I do everything, to be good to her. Just seeing him I will always do. I can do everything because I would rather be true to her.

Napatingin ko siya, mukha’ng pagod na kaya imbis na mag-isip ng kung ano-ano ay hindi ko na tinuloy pa.

“Are you tired?” tanong ko sa kanya. “Ma’am.” tawag ko sa photographer. Kahit bukas na lang ulit masyado na din kami’ng madami’ng nakuha. “My Fiancé is tired, Can we rest? Ilan pa ba ang kailangan?” tanong ko. Nag-aalala na ako kay Agustina baka kung mapano pa siya. The photographer and Mia were about to speak but I was just surprised when Agustina removed my hand from hers. I was surprised so I just looked at her, why did she remove? Oo wala akong karapatang magreklamo pero gusto ko pa siyang hawakan.

“I want to rest, thank you for today.“She left me immediately, I fell silent as I just watched her walk away from me, I wondered if I was still okay, how could I still be myself because I was going crazy. Gusto ko siyang pigilan, gusto ko siya’ng tanungin kung bakit ang layo niya, bakit?

Gusto ko magsorry pero baka maunahan lang ako ng emosyon ko kapag nagkataon.

In the evening, I was restless in my room with Leigh, because Leigh was busy with her laptop again and ignored me. I’m just really pissed.

“Leigh” I call.

“What?” she asked but her gaze was still on the laptop. “Iniwan ka ni Agustina kanina?”

Lalo ako’ng ngumuso. “Oo, hindi ko alam–”

“Iniiwasan ka no’n dahil sa akin.” mabilis niya’ng sagot, hindi pa din niya ako nililingon. “If you really want her then make a move, Oliver” tumaas kaagad ang kilay ko, paano ako gagawa ng kilos? Sarili ko ng ’di ko maintindihan paano ako maiintindihan ni Agustina.

“Paano? Paano ko muna iintindihin sarili ko?” inis ko na ginulo ang buhok ko. She still hasn’t looked at me, she just typed on her laptop. “Leigh, how is that?”

“I also don’t know because I’m not you.” I frowned. Minsan talaga pinipilosopo niya lang ako. Wala naman talaga ako’ng alam kaya nagsasabi ako sa kanya.

“Ah, Just talk to yourself, you’re smart you know what I mean. “ I looked at her again, she was also looking at me. “Oliver, I feel like I already have some advice for you. Help yourself …” my jaw moved. “You said you were confused, why don’t you think of all of you alone.”

“I’m not good at giving advice.” I was just looking at her, I wanted to ask. How does she feel?

I sniffed again. “You, Leigh. How are you feeling right now?” Nilingon niya ako, matagal ang tingin niya sa akin.

“Nag-iisip din…” sumandal siya sa swivel chair. “Ako din, pareho lang tayo’ng nag-iisip.”

“Ano’ng nangyayari ba sa inyo?” tanong ko. Kahit naman hindi ko alam kung ano’ng nangyayari sa kanila nong babae gusto ko pa din magtanong. O alamin ang mga iniisip niya.

“I don’t know…she’s waiting for me.” Bahagya’ng bumukas ang panga ko, really? Hinihintay siya ng babae’ng gusto niya?

“Leigh, she really like you … she’s waiting for you, what are you up to?” I asked her weakly. I do not know what I can tell her.

She did not speak. she just stared out the window as I looked at her.

“Leigh, don’t linger–”

“My mommy won’t accept me, especially her…” I couldn’t help but frown, I know you should accept it when your child accepts but it looks like it will be even harder for Tita.

“I love her but I love Mommy too.” Humara siya sa akin, isa’ng peke’ng ngiti ang ibinigay niya sa akin. “Hindi ko na magawa’ng magtagal sa’yo kasi alam ko sa sarili ko na si Aya ’yung mahal ko…” umiling siya habang kinakagat ang labi. “Ayoko na magpanggap…”

“How about Aya?” tanong ko na lang, hindi ko alam sasabihin ko kasi pero lang kami’ng nag-iisip pero mas mabigat ang problema ni Leigh.

“Alam mo, gusto ni Mommy na ikaw na lang. Pero hindi ako nakinig…kahit natatakot ako pinili ko si Aya” ngumiti nanaman siya sa akin. “Si Aya, she’s also my everything,” she looked up, thinking deeply before speaking again. “I don’t know how to fight, I also don’t want to lose Mommy, she’s the only one I have…”

“Anyway, samahan mo naman ako bumili ng ilang pasalubong kay Mommy bukas.”

“Si Aya din, bilhan mo.” ’di ako nagpatinag sa kanya, natawa pa nga siya sa sinabi ko.

“Oo naman.” ngumiti siya lalo kaya napangiti na din ako.

“Nandito lang ako, Leigh”

“Thank you…”

Leigh and I have already prepared for our departure to go to Agustina, I am still nervous because I will meet her Grandma and Grandpa tonight.

“Wow, you’re nervous” Leigh teased me, she was adjusting her clothes, I looked at her. “Ang makapal na kagaya mo ay kinakabahan din pala.” ngumuso ako, kinakabahan din naman ako kahit ganito ako.

“Hin–” pareho kami’ng natigilan ng tumunog ang phone ni Aya sa side table, pareho naman kasi kami’ng nakaharap sa salamin. “Sino ’yan?” Dahil chismoso ako nakitingin ako sa phone niya.

“Si Aya”

Napakurap naman ako, ano naman kaya pag-uusapan nila’ng dalawa? Hindi ko marinig. “Talaga? Loudspeaker mo nga!”

“Chismoso!” hinampas niya ako sa likod. I put my arm around her as she answered Aya’s call, the speaker was really loud because I could hear Aya’s voice on the other line.

“Leigh.” Aya’s voice is beautiful huh, I stare at Leigh’s reflection in the mirror. I do not know how she feels but I can see in her eyes that she is happy, she was happy when Aya called.

“Aya …”

“How are you? How many days have you not replied to me …” I pout slightly, I already know why Leigh also does not replay her.

“Ah, sorry” hinigpitan ko ang hawak sa braso niya mabuti naman tumingin siya sa akin, umiling ako kaagad. “Ayos lang ako…ikaw ba?” Kita’ng-kita ko ang takot sa mga mata niya.

“I miss you, Leigh” My lips moved, I couldn’t help but smile because Leigh smiled immediately. Huli ka, Abrantes, mag-i miss you kana kaagad. Hindi ko manukso kaso baka marinig ako ni Aya sa kabila’ng linya.

“Pwede ba tayo’ng magkita? Kapag nakauwi kana dito?

Sinakal ko lalo si Leigh para pumayag na siya kaagad, ayoko’ng tatanggihan niya si Aya. Miss niya din si Aya tapos hindi siya makikipagkita.

“Can I see you? Open the camera … I want to see you. Please?” I let go of Leigh in my arms, I tapped her head.

“You agreed, so you can see too.” I mouthed to her. She was still hesitant. I don’t need to, I want to talk to her but I stopped first. “Go” I repeated.

She nodded slightly and walked away from me, at the window he approached. The camera is already focused on her.

“H-Hi …” I bit my lip because I could see tears gathering in the corner of her eyes.

I know she missed Aya too.

“Let me see you, Leigh, when are you coming home?”

“Hmm … Tomorrow …” I just stared at her as he spoke and held back tears.

Wala ako’ng narinig na salita kay Aya sa kabila’ng linya, nag-aabang pa ako kung ano’ng sasabihin niya kay Leigh. I feel like I’m not the only one who feels like I’m crying or struggling, I’m struggling for Leigh, I see that they love each other but can’t. It’s okay with me that he doesn’t choose me but it is very difficult because she will not be able to let go Aya.

Tita is the only one she has in her family, she also does not want to lose because of their love.

“Leigh, what a pro–” Leigh interrupted what Aya was going to say.

“Aya, many, too many problems” Leigh already cried in front of the camera. “T-Too much p-problem … especially in u-u–”

“Leigh, I know you loved me too. Kailan naging ma–”

“Wrong for Mommy, for the other people around me. You know that” gumalaw ang panga ko. Wala ako’ng magawa, kasi kahit makielam ako kung malalaman din ni Tita kung kanino ako ikakasal wala ding mangyayari’ng matino.

“But… I love you… I can do everything for you..” Nataranta na ako, umiling ng umiling si Leigh habang umiiyak, sobra’ng masakit na makita sa akin na umiiyak siya. Umiiyak nanaman siya para sa sarili niya’ng nararamdaman.

“Even if you have nothing to do, even if it’s just me just don’t let me go.” I heard Aya very much, she was begging, begging for the woman she loved. ’Please, huwag mo naman ako’ng itaboy.“

Hindi ko na kaya, lumabas na ako ng kwarto naming dalawa. Namamasa na din naman ang mga mata ko, hindi ko gusto’ng makita nanaman iyon ni Leigh.

“Kahit ayoko, wala naman akong magawa.” rinig kong sagot ni Leigh. “Wala ako’ng magawa, hindi kaya’ng lumaban kay Mommy.”

I leaned against the door, I did not want to leave but I did not want to stay inside. I both see them struggling, begging and not knowing what to do.

Is it like that when you love? Everyone will be affected, everyone will be tested to the best of your ability. I can’t, I just see Leigh I can’t take anymore.

I looked up, I also felt what she was going through, what she was feeling. I feel it too. But I could do nothing.

Nothing, my weakness is still there.

“Aya, I love Mommy too, I’m sorry”

“Apo” napatingin ako sa Lola ni Agustina, masaya’ng masaya pa ito’ng nilalapitan at niyayakap ang apo niya, napangiti naman ako habang tinitignan ko sila sa unahan. “kamusta ka naman, Apo?”

“Ayos lang naman po…” magalang na sagot ni Agustina at niyakap ang Lola niya. “Ayos lang din po sila Daddy sa bahay. Nakakapagpahinga din po sila kahit madalas na sa work.”

Nagulat ako kasi may humawak sa akin, sa aming dalawa ni Joshua. Ang Lolo pala niya. Wala naman si Leigh sa tabi ko kasi kinakausap din ng Lola niya.

“Hijo, ikaw ba ang mapapangasawa ng anak ko?” hinawakan niya ang mukha ko. I smiled immediately, I really wanted to smile.

“Opo, Lolo” Si Joshua naman ang hinawakan niya. Lalo akong nangiti. “Ikaw, Hijo, alagaan mo ang apo ko.”

Until it becomes a Dinning Area, I enjoy sitting there with our companions. I always look at Leigh because she was quiet before, because I didn’t come in until they finished talking to Aya.

Joshua and I are side by side so I am free to see Agustina and Leigh.

“Kamusta nama ang photoshoot nyo’ng mag-asawa?” tanong ng Lola ni Agustina. Kami’ng dalawa ni Agustina ay talaga namang napapalingon kami. I still can’t speak, and I notice the word couple because we are not married yet.

“Ayos naman po, Lola.”

“Ehem…” mahinang asik ni Mia sa tabi niya. Madaming sinabi yung Lolo at Lola niya pero ako hindi naman ako gaanong nagsasalita, wala naman kasi akong masabi. Wala lalo na namiss naman nila ang Apo nila.

“Opo, Lola, ayos po ang photoshoot.” nakangiti’ng sambit ni Agustina. “Kailangan na din po namin ng pahinga.”

We left immediately after eating. I let Leigh rest and lie down on the bed first, because until now she has not spoken. I’m worried.

“Leigh? Are you okay? You’re not talking …” I was at the table and I turned to her on the bed. She turned his back on me so I could not see her face.

“Yeah … I’m okay, Oliver” she said softly, the pain in her voice was obvious.

“Hmm … I’ll just say goodbye to Agustina … when we leave tomorrow …”

I did not hear her speak, I got up and approached the door. Before I went out, I looked at her first, I was so sorry for her condition now, she barely ate at the table earlier.

Sobra’ng naguguluhan ako sa lahat habang naglalakad, kasi ang dami’ng dumagdag sa akin kahit hindi ko problema basta problema ni Leigh problema ko na din.

There was no emotion when I looked at Agustina on her bed when I confessed to the door, as in I stared at her again. I am also very tired, we both need a break.

I know in myself that I feel better when I see him, even if he doesn’t look back at me.

“Del Mundo” I called, she immediately turned to me. Nagtagal pa ang tigin ko sa kanya. ’May I come in?“

Natahimik pa siya, nagtitiigan lang kam’ng dalawa ako pa ’yung nahihiya kasi baka papasukin niya ako dahil lang napipilitan siya.

“Hmm…” Hindi ako nag-alangan na pumasok kaagad. Lumakas nanaman ang kabog ng dibdib ko, hindi ko nanaman maiwasan ang nararamdaman ko. “Why? May sasabihin ka ba?” dagdag na tanong niya sa akin.

“Magpapaalam sana ako, alis kam ni Leigh bukas.” naiinis ako sa sarili ko kung bakit hindi ko matanggap ’to’ng ganito’ng nararamdaman ko.

How long will I be against all my feelings, when will I think that it is not wrong for me to fall for someone like her.

“I am your future husband, I say everything, as if you know where I am going. So that you won’t ask me when I get home.”

The more she looked into my eyes the more I was stunned, the more my chest throbbed. I was secretly swallowed in front of her.

I even saw the confusion in her eyes after I spoke then. It’s really refreshing, I’m not like I used to be without pakielam.

“It’s all what I want to say.” I approached the door. “Goodnight, My future wife.” Kinabahan na umalis at lumabas ako. Masisiraan na talaga ako ng bait.

Chapter 30

David

I waited for Leigh to get in my car, it was good that Daddy and Mommy agreed to get out and I would accompany Leigh first. Especially since I said that the wedding is coming even if I do everything I want first.

I did not ask Tito Del Mundo where Agustina is going now, I did not ask anything.

“Leigh?” I called after he entered the Passenger seat. He turned to me after closing the door. “Where are we going?” I turned on the car engine and started my car.

“Just at the mall.” she said softly to me. I looked at him because he seemed to want to say something.

“May gusto ka ba’ng sabihin?” tanong ko, hindi ko naman kasi mapigilan magtanong. Kilala ko si Leigh kapag hindi nagtanong hindi talaga siya magsasalita. She didn’t look at me so I was really worried I wanted to know something. “Leigh?”

“Magkikita kami ni Aya ngayon.” Hindi ko maiwasan na bumukas ang bibig ko, aba naman magiging third wheel pa ata ako ngayong araw. Grabe hindi ko alam masyado’ng mabilis.

Hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ako o maaawa sa sarili ko. Lalo na sa kanila, Gusto pa din nila’ng magkita kahit gaano kahirap ’yung sitwasyon nila’ng dalawa sa Mommy ni Leigh.

“Talaga? Ayos lang ba sa kanya na kasama ako? Kilala ba niya ako?” Sunod na sunod na tanong ko sa kanya, hindi na ako mapakali kakatingin sa kanya.

I saw her smile before I faced the road again, I do not know what her smile was for, because she suddenly smiled.

I kept wondering if Leigh was going crazy or just excited to see Aya later. Because I’m losing my mind with her too.

“Leigh, are you crazy already?” I still frowned at her. I really am the type of man I would rather frown at in these situations.

“Not yet. But it ’s going crazy especially” I heard her say, I can no longer look at her.

“Hindi ba’t mas maganda kung kayo’ng dalawa lang ni Aya” dagdag ko pa’ng sabi sa kanya.

Nakita ko naman ang pag-iling niya habang may maliit na ngiti sa labi.

“Kilala ka niya, huwag ka’ng mag-alala ayos lang sa kanya.” I did not speak, because she did not look again. I don’t know what else is going on in Leigh’s mind now especially since she will also go home later to her Mommy.

I know that Tita will not stop until she knows the truth when it comes to her son. Especially with Leigh and Aya. Para’ng hindi ko na matatanggap ang mangyayari sa kanya.

“I’m okay, Oliver, Don’t worry.”

I was always here next to Leigh but with what is happening now it seems like I really don’t want to be away from her, I can’t leave her alone.

Pinarada ko ang kotse namin sa parking lot ng mall. Nagtagal kami pareho, kinakabahan ako na ewan. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko kahit kasama ko naman si Leigh o baka maging epal pa ako mamaya.

“Uhh…” nilingon ko si Leigh nakayuko habang nagtitipa sa phone niya.

Nakatitig lang ako sa kanya, para’ng ang bigat-bigat niya’ng tignan, para’ng ayaw pa niya’ng tumuloy para sa araw na “to. She put down his phone and turned to me, I stared into her eyes I could see sadness, pain and anger there. I can see her eyes getting wet again.

“Leigh, stop crying,” I reached for her and caressed her cheek. “Aya won’t like to see you cry again …” I saw her lips tremble, she finally cried so I bit my lip so hard.

“O-Oliver … I-I can’t …” Yumuko siya at tuluyang umiyak, iyak ng iyak na para’ng ayaw na niya’ng tumigil. She is having a hard time in this situation, she is not able to think properly, she can not choose what she can do.

“I-I can’t afford not to see Aya … I can’t afford M-Mommy either.” I can already hear her sobs full of pain.

Tangina, I can do nothing for her. I have nothing.

“C-Come here.” Hindi ko maiwasang umiyak din para sa kanya, Hinapit ko ang kanya’ng katawan at niyakap siya, mahigpit ko siya’ng niyayakap. Gusto ko’ng ipadama sa kanya na nandito lang ako, hindi ako aalis sa tabi niya.

Handa ako’ng samahan siya sa lahat ng problema. I am always here.

“I’m happy to see her, but I’m still hurting for us …” She held my clothes tightly, his hands were on my chest I felt very trembling.

I caressed her with a caress, maybe even if I just do this, I will be content with the hug I give.

I always see Leigh happy and strong but I can no longer see now showing too much and I feel Leigh is weak.

“Leigh, I know you are strong, please I know you can do this …”

Yes, I know, Not everyone is strong and will always be strong, everyone has weaknesses. The only difference is not everyone shows that they are weak. Pero kay Leigh, hindi ko nararamdaman na magtatagal iyon.

“Leigh, just love Aya, just love her. If that’s all you can do, just let her love you too.” I kept telling him, I did not stop. “I really feel like Aya loves you more than you think.”

I hope I can do what I tell her for myself, because while Leigh was advising me, she was going through something and she was hurting.

We both fell silent, I still hugged her tightly as she just rested on my arm. I don’t want to let Leigh go until she becomes okay.

“I will give her … I will give my necklace.” I smiled slightly I could not see her because she was still on my chest and my chin rested on her head. “I hope so–”

“Aya will like that, Leigh you will give it to her, you are so special to her so she that will be happy with what you give.” I said after I cut off what she was going to say.

It is true that when we love all that the person we love will give us whether expensive it or not we will like it more than they think. Nakikita ko iyon sa sarili ko, kaya kahit ;di ko pa lubos alam ang nararamdaman ko alam ko iyon.

“Are you okay now, Leigh?” tanong ko ng magkalayo kami, tuluyan ako’ng umayos ng pagkakaupo sa pwesto ko. Nabasa na pala ang suot kong longsleeve dahil sa mga luha niya.

I looked at her, she was wiping her face and fixing it. I couldn’t help but stare at her and smile.

Aya is very lucky with Leigh even though her Mommy doesn’t like what they have. I would be very happy especially if they would be.

“Leigh, you will always remember that I am always here and I hope you do not forget that the person you love loves you, most of all.”

“Oliver, Thank you for everything. Sorry din sa mga sinabi ko.”

“Wala ’yun, siguro nga talaga’ng tinadhana tayo para maging magkaibigan talaga.” Nagtawanan kami’ng dalawa kaagad, hindi ko din talaga maiwasang matawa. Totoo naman magbagay sa amin ang magkaibigan na lang.

“Paano pala ikaw? Need mo pa ba ng iba–”

“Ayoko na muna’ng isipin ’yung akin para’ng ikamamatay ko.” reklamo ko kaagad, inis nanaman ako’ng nagmamaktol.

“Kalalaki mo’ng tao ang init ng ulo mo.” dagdag niya sa akin. ’Di ko nanaman maiwasang mainis sa problema ko, bakit kasi ako kailangang pahirapan ng ganito.

Nakasimangot ako hanggang sa pumasok kami ng mall, naiinit nanaman ang ulo ko. Ayoko’ng napupunta sa akin ang usapan kasi ’di ko naman talaga alam kung naguguluhan ba ako o nabibitter lang.

“Oliver, everyone is looking at you. Fix your face.” sita sa akin ni Leigh sinabayan pa niya ako ng siko sa tagiliran ko. Lalo naman ako’ng napasimangot.

“Ibili mo na lang ako ng Black forest cake.”

“Sige, Mamaya libre ko. Kaya umayos ka na.”

Leigh and I walked until we reached the opposite side of the Department Store, I looked inside and the rings, necklaces, and other jewelry immediately appeared to me. It was too late when I bought.

“Leigh, the bracelet I gave you is still yours?”

“Yes, here it is.” she raised her fist. The silver stell bracelet I gave was still there. “Bakit?” tanong niya naman sa akin.

“Wala naman, akala ko kasi wala na sa’yo.”

“Lahat ng ibinibigay sa akin, Iniingatan ko.” Ngumiti ako kaagad. Kinulong ko siya kaagad sa braso ko. “Aray! Bumitaw ka sa akin!” Leeg ko ba naman kasi ang pinuntirya ko.

“Ayaw ko nga” natatawa’ng dagdag ko at mas lalo ko siya’ng inasar pa.

“Bitaw na, Gomez, oh baka naman gusto mo’ng sipain kita”

“Sasaktan mo na ako?”

“Ang bakla mo, ’di bagay sa’yo.”

“Marie?” Natigilan kami sa pagtatalo ng may nagsalita sa harapan namin. Marie ang pangalawa’ng pangalan ni Leigh kaya napatingin na kami’ng dalawa sa tumawag sa kanya.

I saw a very tall woman there, she was very good, she also had a beautiful complexion and beautiful eyes, especially her lips. As in she is very beautiful. She was wearing Red Formal Serge Shorts. It even suited her because of her long hair.

“Aya?” Leigh called and let go of my grip.

Nakatanga lang ako sa likod ni Leigh dahil nilapitan na niya si Aya na matalim ang titig sa akin. Grabe hindi ko akalain na sobra’ng ganda ng magiging girlfriend ni Leigh tapos masama pa’ng nakatingin sa akin nakakatuwa naman para’ng pinagtutulungan ako.

Ako na ang umiwas ng tingin matutunaw na ako at halos mamamatay pa ata kung hindi iiwas sa tingin niya. Nakakatakot. Kinikilabutan ako.

“Siya si Oliver?” rinig ko’ng tanong nito kay Leigh. Tinignan ko sila, nakikita ko sobra’ng nagliliwanag ang mukha ni Leigh habang nakatingin kay Aya.

“Oo, Aya” Gusto ko ng umiyak kasi tinitigan nanaman ako ni Aya ng masama. “Aya, don’t look at him like that. He was just joking with me earlier we were joking.” Leigh took Aya by the hand and the two of them approached me.

I was swallowed, I just wanted to run away because I would die of bad looks.

“Oliver, Aya, Aya si Oliver. My bestfriend.” nakangiti’ng naglahad ako ng kamay kay Aya kahit natatakot pa ako.

“Hi, Aya, I’m David Oliver Gomez, Nice to meet you…” malumanay na sambit ko.Syempre gusto ko din siya’ng makilala din dahil siya ang tao’ng mahal na mahal ni Leigh. Dahan-dahan nito’ng hinawakan ang kamay ko.

“Aya Louise Maniego, Nice to meet you too, Oliver. Hmm, I’m sorry.” Ako pa ’yung nahiya sa kanya, wala naman siya’ng ginagawa at kahit sino naman ay magseselos sa ginawa ko.

Nakakaloko

“Ayos lang ’yun, Kasalanan ko naman.”

The three of us wandered around, of course I was just behind the two of them, I was the one holding the other things Leigh bought for her to go home and meet her Mommy.

I’m glad because they really missed each other, I’m still the one who admires them. I really like them both for each other.

During our few hours touring the mall I can say that I really like their relationship, there is nothing wrong. I used to think that when same sex relationship is wrong right away.I can only be shaken by my stupidities. It is not bad to love, there is nothing wrong even if you love the same sex.

“It really became a third wheel.” I whispered softly and with a smile I looked around, there were really many people so I was not very well. Nagtingin-tingin ako lalo na sa mga bata’ng naglalaro sa may mini playground sa second floor ng mall. Ang iba ay nagtatakbo at nagyayakapan na sa sobra’ng dami ng kalaro.

I was drowsy and leaned on my car as we got off the mall parking lot. I watched Aya and Leigh talking in front of them far away but I could hear what was being said even though I did not want to hear it.

I was so tired today, Leigh always pulled me to a crowded place. Aya also pressured me so I could do nothing but be with them.

“Marie, I will miss you … Can I call tonight? Video Call?” I can hear Aya’s soft voice.

I’m really amazed at her, I’m amazed that it won’t change especially when I think of him. She really shows and makes me feel her love for my best friend.

“Hihintayin ko ang tawag mo mamaya, Aya…”

“Tatawag ako, Leigh…sobra’ng kulang pa gusto pa kita’ng makasama ng matagal.” Nilingon ko sila, yumakap si Leigh kay Aya, hanggang dibdib lang siya ni Aya kaya mas mararamdaman nito ang yakap niya. “Gagawin ko lahat, Leigh…hayaan mo lang ako. Hayaan mo lang.”

I felt heavy when I heard everything Aya said, I did not make a mistake in my thoughts about her, everything in my mind was very busy for her.

“I won’t leave you, Aya … I can’t afford to lose you, I won’t …”

Yes, Leigh, don’t leave her alone because I also can’t bear to see you crying and not in each other’s company.

“I’m sorry, I can’t afford to lose you, I thought I could … I just thought I was scared.” dagdag ni Leigh, hindi pa din bumibitaw sa mga yakap ni Aya sa kanya.

Can I? When will I lose the fear for how I feel? Kailan ko hindi’ng-hindi makakaramdam ng takot? Kailan ako lalaban? Kailan ako magiging malakas?

“I can do everything for you, just don’t leave me. I can’t, Marie.” Aya held Leigh tightly in her arms as she spoke, words full of pleading, pain and love. “Take care of yourself, Love, I will always wait for you, I will always love you. I will always be here. I will not be lost.”

“Mahal na mahal kita, Marie. Mahal na mahal.”

“A-Aya …” I averted my eyes, I finally got in the car and I just looked at them there, Leigh was crying again I don’t want to hear what they have to say next.

I feel so much love but I feel more their suffering and pain. It’s so fucking hurt.

Five days since I last met Leigh and the last time she and Aya met that night, it still hurts me. I get hurt in other people’s relationships because Leigh is not new to me.

They will never see each other again because Leigh is closed to her Mommy again, I want to help in case she does not allow me anymore because I might just be affected by their problem.

Tangina, kapag problema niya, problema ko na din.

I’m quiet in the living room, I don’t know if I’m just thinking about Leigh’s relationship, I don’t know if I even care about mine because I don’t know where to start.

I was thinking but I voluntarily felt my brain dislike me. Is my problem too heavy to be solved?

Where do I start? Am I like Leigh and Aya who do everything when they love? When hurt what do I do? I was held in my head, I could not think of anything sensible. Nothing really. Pakiramdam ko hindi gumagana yung utak ko kapag problema ko na yung inaalala ko.

Napakadamot ng utak ko, para’ng gusto ko na lang barilin ulo ko.

“Oliver?”

“Ah?“Gulat ko’ng sambit, nagulat ako kasi may tumawag sa akin. Nakita ko si Daddy sa harapan ko kauupo lang niya sa sofa na nasa harapan ko.

Daddy looked as if I was really crazy, I didn’t know what to say.

I was able to sit up. I have to leave when Daddy says he is still not okay with what I did.

“What’s the matter, Oliver?” he immediately asked me, staring at me while I just bowed. “Kung anuman ’yang problema mo, pag-usapan natin.”

Mariin ako’ng napalunok sa dagdag niya’ng salita sa akin. Ano’ng sasabihin ko? Sasabihin ko ba? O hindi? Wag na lang baka si Daddy hindi pa ako maintindihan, sarili ko nga hindi ko maintindihan.

“Ano’ng gumugulo sa’yo?”

I looked up at Daddy, biting my lip and I was restless in my seat.

“D-Dad …”

“Yes, Oliver?”

“I-I think I-I’m in love.”

Happy New Year, Everyone. Keepsafe always and take care!

Chapter 31

David

Even if I don’t think about it, maybe I feel enough that I am going crazy, I am stunned when I see Agustina, my heart is not so calm myself yet.

“I know … Hindi ko lang siya gusto …” my chest throbbed so hard, that’s all I could hear because Daddy and I were both still silent, he was just looking at me. Sobra na ako’ng kinakabahan, hindi ko na alam kung ano pa’ng dapat ko’ng sabihin.

“I’m having a hard time … I can’t be bothered when she’s there, I almost look like a fool when I see her …”

I just can’t really accept myself.

“Maybe I can’t accept that I fell for Agustina, Daddy …” I don’t know if my chest is nervous or what.

Nakatingin pa din sa akin si Daddy, naghihintay sa mga sasabihin ko pero ako wala ako’ng masabi, wala ako’ng maidagdag dahil mayroon parin sa akin na hindi ko matanggap. Nag-aalangan pa din ako.

Pakiramdam ko mahihimatay na ako, halos hindi na nga ako makahinga sa sobra’ng bilis ng kabog ng dibdib ko. Hindi ako makatingin kay Daddy, baka kung ano lang makita ko’ng itsura niya.

Maybe even with Daddy, I can just say I feel okay with me. Whether I was good or not I had to say, I would not be relieved if I did not tell him.

“I don’t know, I suddenly felt like I couldn’t sleep for almost a few days.” I took another deep breath before I spoke.

“I’m a mess with my feelings and thoughts.”

“Agustina? Do you love her?” I bent down but I couldn’t help but widen my eyes, I didn’t even tell him he knew right away. Dahan-dahan ako’ng nag-angat ng tingin, napapanganga na lang ako.

“D-Dad…”

“Yes, You are inlove.” Napalunok ako, naintindihan at nakuha niya kaagad ang mga sinabi ko. Kahit kaunti lang alam na niya kaagad kung ano’ng nararamdaman ko. Samantalang ako kung hindi din umamin si Leigh hindi din ako mapapaamin.

I stared at Daddy especially in his eyes, I kept wondering if what I was doing and what he was saying was right.

“Sa mga sinabi mo, talaga’ng nahulog ka na sa kanya.” Gumalaw ang mga labi ko, nanatili pa din sa akin kung ano’ng mga nararamdaman ko noong una kami’ng nagkita. Talaga’ng wala’ng tigil ang kabog ng dibdib ko habang nakatingin sa kanya baba ng hagdan at papalapit sa amin.

I will never forget that because that is why I started to get confused and change how I feel. I was able to cry and not be understood by others.

“But I’m still scared, Daddy, I still don’t know what to do.”

I saw Daddy’s snout slightly, as if he could not accept what I said.

“Afraid? You know, Son when you love you should not give in to fear.” Daddy said. “Are you afraid for what others will say?” he shook his head. “Whether she is a real woman or not, if you really love her you will accept her very much.”

“You don’t care what others think or say.” He smiled slowly. “That’s the beginning, that’s not how you will feel yet.” Tumango-tango ako. Kahit papaano gumaan naman ang nararamdaman ko, naliliwanagan na ako.

“Dad…” tawag ko nanaman sa kanya. “Dad, I’m sorry sa lahat ng ginawa ko…” Binaba ko nanaman ang tingin ko. Sobra ’yung ginawa ko kaya kulang pa ang sorry na sinasabi ko.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t understand you.” I was surprised by what Daddy said, I was also nervous right away. Does he know anything? I do not tell them what what. My chest throbbed. I don’t want him to know what I’m going through with my friends until now.

That until now I still carry the hurtful things they said and did to me. I will never be able to forget that.

“D-Dad–”

“I know everything, you receive bad words from them right? Until now.”

Until now, Yes I still receive bad things from them especially in socila media. On facebook I still see the same, especially on twitter. I just don’t look. Hindi ko na binubuksan at bihira na lang din ako sa ig dahil story lang naman ni Agustina ang inaabangan ko roon.

“Huwag ka’ng mag-alala, maayos na ang lahat.” hinaplos ni Daddy ang braso niya. “Kaunti na lang ay mababayaran na natin sina Agustina.”

I am going to work, after the wedding I need to work to pay off my debts to Agustina’s family. I realized what I had said to him.

“You still know everything you feel, I can still see you you are scared. I know you can understand me.”

Ever since Daddy and I talked about how I feel I really did everything I could to understand myself better. Only I can understand myself, only myself so I have to think rationally.

Kailangan ko namang tulungan ang sarili ko, hindi pwede’ng palagi ako’ng aasa sa iba’ng tao lalo na sa akin naman ’to’ng nararamdaman.

I held my head, I had been thinking about what for a few days. My head hurts too.

I haven’t seen Agustina for a few months now, I just want to understand how I feel because when she does, I lose my sanity. I also can’t think when he’s there.

I admit that I want to see him, but I prefer to face him who already knows how I feel. Aayusin ko na muna ang lahat, kahit hindi niya magustuhan, kahit ano’ng mangyari kailangan ko’ng may gawin para sa nararamdaman ko para sa kanya.

I can’t wait to see him again. I will change I need to be sober especially I have feelings for him.

I really need …

I opened my ig while I was in the garden of our house. I also did not see Agustina’s ig story for a few days.

I saw there was, I pressed it and looked.

“Oh …” I looked at her photo for a while while wearing her wedding dress. Hindi ko maiwasang mapangiti dahil bagay na bagay sa kanya iyon. Iyon lang ang story niya at wala ng sumundo pa.

Ngiti’ng-ngiti ako’ng sumandal sa upuan ko, hindi ko maalis ang tingin ko. Paano na lang kaya kung harap-harapan ko’ng makita na suot niya iyon, baka sumabog na ako sa sobra’ng saya.

I can no longer wait to see her walking on the altar as she approaches me wearing her wedding dress.

I can’t help but smile at my own thoughts, I hope I can handle everything that happens to me or me. I will accept everything for her, for us I will do everything.

Because I know when love everyone is tested.

I would have liked to call Leigh in case her told me that her Mommy would leave them so I will tell you next time.

I still can’t get rid of my smile, I saved his picture in my gallery and looked at it over and over again.

Myghad, Nababaliw na ako sobra.

“Dad!” I shouted at Daddy as he came out of the house, I stood up and ran to him with my phone.

“Why, Son?” Daddy smiled at me too.Patalon ako’ng yumakap sa kanya. “Jusko, Ang bigat mo na!” natatawa’ng sambit ni Daddy at niyayakap na din ako.

“Daddy! Ang ganda ng asawa ko!” sumiksik ako sa leeg niya habang nakayakap pa din sa kanya. “Nakita ko suot niya ’yung wedding dress niya!” Naging magulo ako habang pilit niya ako’ng nilalakad sa table.

“Nasaan ba? Titignan ko.” umupo siya sa kabila’ng upuan habang ako ay umupo sa kandungan niya. “Grabe ’yang ngiti mo, ah. Wala’ng tigil baka naman mapunit ’yang labi mo.”

I looked at Daddy and happily put my phone on him, Agustina’s picture was immediately there.

“I saw that in her ig, Daddy.” I hugged his neck and pointed the phone at him.

He looked at it as I immediately smiled when he saw it.

“Yes, she is beautiful, Son.” The two of us stared at each other. “All right, get married right away.” Nagtawanan kami pareho ni Daddy. “Mukha’ng madali’ng-madali kana.”

“Hindi naman, Daddy. Masaya ako kahit nakita ko’ng suot niya ’yung wedding dress niya.” Ako naman ang tumingin ulit roon, muli ako’ng nangiti. Hindi pa din ako bumibitaw kay Daddy.

“You really in love…” Hinaplos niya ang buhok ko at niyakap ako ng mahigpit sa baywang. “No matter what happens, even if the outcome is good. Never be angry with her if you are not the one she was able to choose.”

Nasaktan ako sa sinabi ni Daddy, nakapyuko ako sa kanya habang nakakapit pa din. Ayoko’ng bumitaw gusto ko dito lang siya.

Naramdaman niya ang pananahimik ko, hindi na din ako nagsalita pa kasi talaga’ng pinag-isipan ko pa ng madami’ng beses ’yung sinabi niya.

Can I accept that? Can I do it?

“Son, as early as I can tell you everything you can feel in a relationship, when you enter and when you love. Even if it hurts, even if you do not accept when you love you have to accept even if I did not expect it to happen. Yes it hurts but more it hurts if you don’t accept it. “ inabot niya ang ulo ko muli. Nilingon ko na siya, titig na titig kami sa isa’t-isa.

“Mas gustuhin ko na lang na may masabi sa’yo kesa wala.” hinaplos niya ang buhok ko. “I will not stop you from what you want, I want to say something because I am a parent.” I tightened my grip on him.

“Dad …”

“It’s not bad to love … if you really love you will accept everything.”

“Dad, do I need to be able to work for the company?” I asked him. We were silent for a few more minutes.

“After you and Agustina got married, you can …”

I nodded. “Have our debts increased? I will help … I want to work …”

Agustina did not go wrong, I had to work hard and give them back what they helped us with.

I was too conscious of what I was feeling, I was too carried away by my thoughts. I became very angry because I wanted to and because of my friends then I was scared.

I was too scared to be judged …

But now, I will accept it wholeheartedly. I will accept because I am ready for how I feel. It will be harder for me if I lie and I just control myself. Kailangan ko’ng maging malaya, hindi dapat ako nakakulong sa kung ano’ng mga mangyayari.

Tinawagan ko si Leigh kinakagabihan, alam ko’ng hindi na siya busy kaya tinawagan ko na siya. Gusto ko na din magtanong kung ano’ng nangyayari na sa kanya at sa kanila ni Aya. Ilang araw siya’ng busy oras na ngayon para tawagan ko siya.

“Oliver, Hello” base sa boses niya para’ng nagulat pa siya. All I could hear on the other line was her typing on the keyboard. Nothing has changed really she always makes a story.

“Hello, Leigh, I missed you.” I can’t help but smile.

“I miss you too, I’m too busy. I went with Mommy to her Restuarant.” Only now did Tita need Leigh’s help. Leigh, on the other hand, is always busy writing.

“What’s up?” she added. “Malapit na ang kasal mo, hindi ako makakapunta.” Ngumuso ako ng bahagya. “I’m sorry, bawi na lang ako pag-uwi mo.”

“Talaga? Libre mo ’ko ng cake?”

“Puro ka cake, matigok ka sana.” Tumawa ako. “Ilibre kita sa Restuarant namin.”

“I saw Agustina’s wedding dress in her instagram story. She is so beautiful ..” I smiled again, I was slightly lowered due to the beating of my chest again.

Agustina makes me smile because of bliss.

“Ows, Oliver hanggang dito nararamdaman ko ’yung kilig mo.” Kinagat ko ang labi ko kahit ayaw pa’ng tumigil kakangiti. “Huwag ka ng mahiya, isigaw mo na ’yan.”

“Ghad, Leigh.” Putcha ’yung ngiti ko, hindi ko na talaga mapigilan. Napatingala ako habang napapahiyaw pa sa nararamdaman ko.

“Fuckshit, Ang bakla mo.” rinig ko’ng reklamo niya sa akin sa kabila’ng linya. “Tignan mo ’yung straight na baliko.”

“Ikaw din, Ang lakas ni Aya.”

“Naririnig ko hiyaw mo dito, peste’ng ’to.” Hinahampas ko na ang kama ko sa sobra’ng kakatawa. Kung nakikita ko lang siya lalo ko’ng ipapahalata nararamdmaan ko

“How are you and Aya, Leigh?” I asked while still laughing, I feel I’m so crazy.

“Patuloy na nagmamahalan, bakit?” sagot niya kaagad. Proud na proud.

Wow, Wow. Kung gano’n naman pala mapapasabi ako ng sana lahat patuloy na nagmamahalan kahit ano’ng mangyari.

I could hear her screaming and shouting on the other line. Nasabay tuloy ’yung ngiti at tawa ko sa kanya, Para siya’ng bulate sa kakasigaw at kakasinghap sa kabila’ng linya. Nagpapainggit ata ang hinayupak na ’to.

“Ako ninong sa kasal ha.” tawa ko nanamang muli.

“Oo, ikaw na din gumastos sa kasal namin.” Mas lalo’ng lumakas ang tawa ko. “Joke lang, basta ninong ka.”

“Ano pala’ng balak mo? Sasabihin mo ba nararamdaman mo kay Agustina?” I was silent at what she said, I once again wondered if I would say or just feel it. I was too embarrassed to say even though my face was thick.

“She’s going to be your wife, you’d be even crazier if you didn’t tell her.”

“I know but–”

“Don’t be afraid to be rejected.” she interrupted what I said. “If you can’t accept the things that will hurt you, you better just stop”

“I’m scared, I’m always scared …”

“You will not be encouraged if you are always scared …”

I did not speak. It is true that I will not be discouraged if I am always afraid but here I am, letting me be swallowed up by fear. Wala ako’ng sarili’ng lakas, palagi ako’ng umaalis sa iba kapag natatakot.

“Oliver, hindi habambuhay matatakot ka. Labanan mo ’yung takot mo para sa kapakanan mo.” Hinintay ko pa ang isa’ng sasabihin niya. “Mananatili ka’ng hindi masaya dahil sa takot mo. Hindi mo lubos pa natatanggap ang lahat.”

“Fight for yourself and not for how you feel for others.”

“Then your whole being will be fine.”

Chapter 32

(David’s P.O.V on Chapter 9, Another scenario I did not write in Agustina’s P.O.V )

David

I feel the cold all around, in the houses. While looking in the mirror. Patuloy ko’ng dinadama ang lahat ng lamig. Dahilan para hindi na ako mainitan pa.

Wearing my black tuxedo suits, still not enough to make me feel warm, my personality continues to cool.

“I have nothing to lose, I am here … I can’t leave anymore.” I said to myself and did not take away my reflection in the mirror. I have thought a lot in the past days and months, it is not new for me to feel fear and nervousness, that I do not need to be forgiven.

I still see myself as hopeless, lifeless living standing and alone.

Should I feel that way? Should I go through everything? I’m so tired what I have feels.

I lower my gaze to my hands that are now trembling, trembling and relentless.

My lips were shaking at the same time, shaking my whole muscle.

Maybe I’m too scared, I don’t have the courage, my heart is weak and I just continue to be weak. I do nothing, and even if I act I will continue to despair.

Today, here in Finland, here I will be able to marry the person who make my feelings hurts, the person who is causing me to become even more weak and scared. But … I will not back down, I want to marry her forever even if he sees me disgusted, I hide my true feelings so I am also hurt.

Will Agustina be happy to be my wife? Are we getting married now? What can he think or feel like me. The amount I feel I am happy to be nervous and of course, still scared.

I looked at what I was wearing again, I can say that Agustina and I really liked what we were wearing for the wedding that will take place today. That just doesn’t seem to be the case for us as a married couple.

I silently watched my appearance, to see if I was in good shape. What Agustina would look like to me later as he approached me at the church altar.

I just think that the scene we will have later I will not be able to avoid nervousness and feel excited. I will marry Agustina, I will marry and she will be my wife.

“Son?” I looked at the door, Mommy and Daddy were there. Smiling at me.

“Dad, Mom” ​​I forced a smile especially at Daddy. “Grandma? Where are you?”

Mommy approached me, adjusted my collar and caressed my face while Daddy just stared at us in the foreground. Nakatingin ako kay Daddy na para ba’ng kailangan na kailangan ko siya sa nararamdaman ko ngayon.

Mommy kissed my cheek so I looked down at her. “Ang laki mo na, Anak. Para’ng noon lang baby kapa namin ng Daddy mo.”

Tumawa si Daddy, pati tuloy ako natawa at napangiti. “Mom, Baby n’yo pa din ako ni Daddy.” niyakap ko ng mahigpit si Mommy at kunulong sa bisig ko. “Kahit may asawa na po ako, Baby mo pa din ako.”

“Malaki na ’yan at mag-aasawa na pero ikaw pa din mahal na mahal niya.” lumapit sa amin si Daddy at niyakap kami’ng dalawa ni Mommy.

Nagulat ako ng lumapit sa akin lalo si Daddy, malapit sa tenga ako at may ibunulong sa akin.

“Do not be afraid” hinagod niya ang likod ko. Paulit-ulit habang niyayakap kami;ng dalawa ni Mommy.

“Nakita ko kanina sa ig ni Agustina ang suot niya’ng wedding dress.” sambit ni Mommy pagkabitaw ng yakap sa akin. Napatingin ako sa kanya at naalala ’yung araw na nakita ko nga’ng suot iyon ni Agustina.

The three of us went out, Mommy was ahead while Daddy and I were behind her.

“Dad, will I be really okay?” I turned to her as we both walked. That’s all I said because I feel so heavy with how I feel. Kahit gusto ko para’ng gusto ko na lang umatras kaso kapag umatras ako hindi ko magagawa ang kagustuhan ko’ng tumulong kina Daddy.

“You’re getting married, Son. Don’t forget everything I told you.” he raised his hand and touched my shoulder. “You should not think of negatives, just trust me. You will be fine too …”

My whole body grew colder as I waited in front of the altar, I waited for my bride to arrive. Agustina.

In a few hours we will be married, my surname will change her surname. I just think my heart will explode. I don’t know if I’m overly excited or just crazy.

Daddy and Mommy were next to me, we had very few guests, while Grandpa was in the other seat and standing. We are all waiting for Agustina and her parents to arrive. Hindi na ako makapaghintay na makita ko siya’ng naglalakad papalapit sa akin. Habang suot ang maganda niya’ng wedding dress.

Taas-baba ang dibdib ko, malamig na nga naghahabol pa ako ng hininga ko sa lagay na ’to. Mas hindi ko makakaya kung lalo lang ako’ng malalamigan.

“Are you excited?” Daddy asked, nothing changed I looked at him my chest throbbed fast.

I couldn’t stop my smile. “Yes, Daddy. I want to see her …” I looked at the church door again, it was still closed. Patagal ng patagal ang oras mas lalo ako’ng nasasabik na makita siya.

Me, I am ready to be her husband, I am ready. I will do everything for her. And to get back to them everything my family lent us. I will do everything to be a good wife for her so she can just see me doing everything I can. She can only see my best.

Until the long-awaited one arrives. The guests got excited and had fun when the door opened and Agustina opened up to me, with her parents and clinging to her daddy.

“There she is …” Daddy said softly next to me.

I was restless as I stood watching her walk towards me, I could not take my eyes off her. I went even more crazy because she was also looking into my eyes. She is holding a flower.

Damn, she was so beautiful, she became even more beautiful.

The amount I thought about as I waited for him. What if Agustina could get close to me so I might not be able to touch her yet.

I have to be good, I have to be.

This is probably the opportunity for me to change myself more and I should not be afraid all the time.

“Hijo, take care of my child …” Tito Reynaldo touched my shoulder. I immediately smiled at Tito. Humawak na din sa akin si Tita.

“Ikaw na ang bahala sa anak namin.” Tinignan ko si Agustina, nakatingin din siya sa mga mata ko.

Even if she doesn’t say, I will take care of Agustina, I went crazy for months and days I don’t want her to be unkind to me. Aalagaan ko siya dahil mahal ko siya, mahalaga siya sa akin. Siya lang nagparamdam sa akin ng ganito.

“Let’s go?” I offered my hand to her, we stared at each other twice. I felt my heart beat again. First time I will touch him and we will face the altar.

Something caressed my chest as her palm slowly landed on the palm of my hand that stretched out to her.

“Thank you …” I don’t know but I was the one who thanked.

Just for her, for her everything. Only to her.

I will not be able to discriminate against that even myself. I will no longer be able to discriminate.

“You may now kiss the bride.” my whole body grew cold at what the priest said. Fuck I can’t even admit to her I feel like I’m going to kiss her. Gumagalaw ang panga ko habang nakasimangot, hindi ko alam kung ano’ng gagawin ko.

Pero nagulat ako ng hilain niya ang kwelyo ng suot ko at mabilis ako’ng hinalikan. Nanlalaki ang mga mata ko habang dinadamdam ko ’yung labi niya sa akin.

She slowly moved away from me, and I also slowly moved her lips away from me. She stared at me and immediately avoided me.

I heard some applause from the guests but I was still not on my own. That was the first time we both kissed and our lips were very close to each other.

My chest was also beating so hard. After the wedding I just forced myself to talk to Daddy, we left and went to Agustin and I to live and hold the wedding celebration. Npapailing ako habang naglalakad kami papasok ng kotse. Si Mommy ay kausap ang pamangkin niya’ng babae. Si Daddy nagdadrive at ako naman at nasa tabi niya.

“Hinalikan ka lang para ka ng mababaliw jan.” ngumuso ako sa asar ni Daddy. Ang dami ko’ng naiisip para’ng gusto ko na lang din mag-inom nanaman dahil sa nararamdaman ko. Ang tagal din mula no’ng uminom ako.

Natahimik ako kaagad. Kasal na ako kay Agustina, iniisip ko kung ano naman kaya ang pwede nila’ng sabihin at ikasira ko.

Kahit wala ako’ng ipost sa socila media account ko, may malalaman at malalaman sila dahil kilala din ang pamilya nila Agustina. Napatingin ako sa labas ng bintana habang bumibyahe.

I feel mixed, I’m happy to be nervous. I am happy because I can be with her, I am happy because she is my wife and I am nervous about what else I will feel next.

I was thinking deeply until we got to the house where Daddy and I were staying and Agustina and I lived somewhere else.

I don’t know if I’m still strong until dawn, I really want to drink. The longer I waited to drink again, the more I could just release everything I was feeling.

What can happen to us now that we are married.

When I entered, I was immediately greeted by a large number of visitors and beautiful landscapes. Everyone who is there will love it. Lalo na ako nagandahan ako roon dahil bagay na bagay iyon sa wedding theme namin.

“Hijo.” lumapit sa akin si Tito Benedict. Napatingin ako sa kanya kasama niya ang asawa niya’ng si Tito Giovanni. Nakangiti sila’ng dalawa sa akin, “Hijo, Congrats.”

“Thank you po, Tito” yumakap ako sa kanila’ng dalawa ni Tito Giovanni. Halos ayaw pa ako’ng bitawan ni Tito Gio dahil kurot na kurot pa nito ang dalawa ko’ng pisngi. Hinahayaan naman kami ni Tito Benedict.

“Nasaan pala ang asawa mo?” Tanong ni Tito Benedict sa akin, napatingin naman ako sa paligid, nasilayan ko naman kaagad ang grupo nina Agustina kasama ang mga pinsan niya, nag-uusap sila no’ng pinsan niya’ng si Cristal.

Pagkatapos ko’ng kausapin sina Tito umalis na din sila kaagad at sumalo sa table ng iba’ng matatanda at sa kanila Daddy, nagkakasiyahan sila habang ako naman ay hinila ako ni Joshua papunta sa grupo nila.

There were three of us, Agustina’s cousin and Cristal’s twin Cris were also there, when I approached he immediately put his arm around me.

“Mr. Gomez, Congrats!” he shouted as he hugged me. I share because Joshua still drags me.

“Huwag mo’ng sasaktan ’yung Agustina namin, Inis pa din ako sa’yo pero ’wag mo’ng sasaktan.” Lumayo sa akin si Joshua at uminom ng alak, napapatingin ako sa mga hinanda nila. Kumuha ako ng baso’ng may laman at mabilis na tinungga iyon.

Halos ’di ko maintindihin kung ano’ng lasa no’ng ininom ko. I don’t know if what I drank was bitter or sour but I ignored it. I drank until I lost my sight.

“Cris … you’re drunk …” Joshua grabbed his head. He stood up.

We have been together for a long time and we have been drinking a lot. Drunk I looked at Joshua, “I’ll just get … I have coffee … maybe there is ..”

“Cris …” I held Cris in the back, because he was already lying on the table while blushing and drunk. “Cris …” I moved his body.

“Hmm … my head hurts …” Sumandal ako sa upuan ko pinilit ko’ng maging maayos kahit paikot-ikot na ’yung paningin ko. Paikot-ikot ’yung mundo ko. Pakiramdam ko hindi na ako makakatayo.

Even though I was struggling, I tried to open and clear my eyes, I wanted to see what Agustina was doing.

I looked around the place where his female cousins ​​were, no matter what I looked like in my eyes I did not see Agustina there.

Where is she?

I stood up, just as Joshua arrived with three glasses of coffee.

“Uhh…” I sighed as I walked around, looking for Agustina.

“Sino’ng hinahap mo?” lumapit sa akin si Joshua.

“Yung ulo ko…” napahawak ako sa ulo ko, yumuko ako dahil hindi ko na kaya ang kalasingan ko. “Si…A-Agustina…”

“Ha?”

“Pota” Hindi ko alam pero nagmura na ako. Tinutulak ko na siya habang akay-akay niya ako. Hindi ko makita si Agustina at naiinis na ako. Hindi ko alam kung saan ko siya makikita.

“David! Ano’n–” sigaw sa akin ni Joshua, sobra’ng nahihilo na ako. Wala na din ako’ng matinong maisip pa.

Gusto ko lang mangyari makita ko si Agustina, gusto ko siya’ng makita. Gusto ko siya na lang ’yung gagabay sa akin ngayon at hindi iba’ng tao. Nagsisigawan kami;ng dalawa ni Joshua dahil pareho kami’ng hindi magkaintindihan.

“David! Ano ba? Ang dami mo’ng ininom!” reklamo niya sa akin, hindi ko na nakita kung sino pa ’yung isa’ng lumapit sa akin. Basta ’yung tingin ko nasa pintuan dahil may pumasok roon na dalawang tao.

Si Agustina may kasama siya’ng lalaki. Si Alfonso. Kilala ko siya dahil minsan ko na din siya’ng nakasundo sa companya at anak ng kakilala ni Daddy. Talking to the man as he walked towards us, Agustina looked at me but I was annoyed with the man with her.

“Hey, You!” sigaw ko, mas lalo’ng tumuon ang atensyon ni Agustina sa akin. “Stay away from my wife!” Hinila ko siya kaagad palayo kay Alfonso.

“David.” Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at tuluyang lumapit sa akin, kahit sobra’ng sakit na ng ulo ko hindi ko magagawa’ng alisin ang masama’ng tingin ko sa lalaki’ng ’to. “David lasi—”

“Bakit kasama mo ang lalaki’ng iyon? Wah…arg…” napahawak ako sa ulo ko, sobra’ng sakit na. Inilapat ko ang katawan ko kay Agustina dahil sa sobra’ng kalasingan ko at hindi na makatayo.

I was relieved to feel her body, even though it was cold I felt the heat of her body. So warm …

“David, Iuuwi na kita.” mas lalo’ng bumitaw ang nararamdaman ko at katawan. Naiinis pa din ako. Hinarap ko ’yung lalaki’ng kasama niya.

““Never come near to my wife!” tinuro ko siya. At ang gago nakuha pa’ng ngumiti sa akin. “She’s mine”

Sa akin lang. Sa akin lang si Agustina.

Chapter 33

(David’s P.O.V on Chapter 10 and 11)

David

“David.” napatingin ako sa tumawag ng pangalan ko. Si Leigh ang nakita ko habang nakatingin sa akin, hindi siya nakakita normal na normal lang ang kanya’ng mukha.

I stared at him intently, I do not know what her looks and smile indicated to me. “Hmm…Leigh ..” I said.

I do not know whose house we are in, all I can see is we are in the garden and meet the winds that hit our bodies.

“Hmm … Leigh …” I called her again but she just walked closer to the chair and sat there.

I don’t know but my chest was pounding so hard, I was so nervous. I can’t imagine why we are like this. What are we two going to talk about.

“Leigh, why?”

“Are you okay, Oliver?” she asked me, “Sit down, we will talk …” Mabibigat ang pakiramdam ko na naglakad papalapit sa pwesto niya at umupo ako sa upuan na nasa harapan niya.Sa totoo lang ayoko’ng pag-usapan kung anuman ’yung pinagdadaanan ko.

“Leigh.”

“Oliver, naiintindihan kita…pero hindi ganito. Bakit hindi mo sinabi?” Nanginig kaagad ang mga labi ko, napababa ako ng tingin habang hawak ang mga kamay ko. Hindi ko kaya’ng sabihin sa kanya kasi pareho lang kami’ng may problema.

I can’t say because I don’t want to be disturbed, I’m not saying because it will only hurt me more.

I really love Agustina, she is the only one I want, she is the only one.

It’s difficulty for me… because I am not the one she wants. Not me.

“She won’t be able to choose me …” My eyes began to get wet again. “N-No … I’m not …”

“Oliver, bakit ka…”

“I-I’m s-sorry…” I said as my mouth trembled, I could barely speak, my vision was blurred. ’Bago lang sa akin…’t-to..ang sakit…“ Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya, hindi ko maintindihan kung ano’ng tingin na binibigay niya sa akin pero ang alam ko nasasaktan din siya. Nasasaktan siya para sa akin.

“David, kaibigan mo ’ko, ayoko nang ipilit ang sarili mo sa kanya.” Full of her pleading with me, I could feel it. Even when I feel sorry for myself but I really like Agustina, I want her to be mine. Just Agustina.

“Leigh … what can I do I love her, I love her so much–”

“Oliver, you love her so much you have no love for yourself” I stared at her. I do not want to listen, I do not want to agree. I will do everything.

“David, aren’t the things she said okay with you yet? David, please don’t be deaf.” umiling ako ng umiling. Patuloy lang sa akin na may pag-asa ako, na mahal din ako ni Agustina.That he also feels for me, he just does not admit it. I know he loves me too. I will believe that. I will continue to believe.

“Oliver, don’t make a fool of yourself”

I stood up, I was feeling mixed. I was disgusted that I could not understand, I was so hurt. Sguro nga tanga ako, tanga na ako sa sobra’ng pagmamahal ko kay Agustina at kagustuhan na maging akin siya at paniwalaan ang lahat ng nararamdaman ko.

“Olive–” umiiyak ako’ng tinitignan siya, nakita ko’ng natigilan siya roon. Kita’ng-kita ko kung paano niya ako tinignan at kaawaan sa lagay ko na ’to. I cried again, I cried because I insisted. I insist even if nothing really, even if it is not true.

I really love her … I don’t know what to do anymore …

“Alam ko kasi mahal niya din ako!”

“Oliver, hindi ka niya mahal!” tumayo na din si Leigh, hirap na hirap niya ako’ng tinitignan. Alam kung naiinis na siya sa akin, nag-iingat siya sa mga sinasab niya dahil alam ko’ng ikakasakit ko iyon.

“Oliver, please naman huwag mo’ng pahirapan sarili mo!” sigaw niya sa akin.

“Alam ko kasi–”

“Oliver, hindi ako bulag, hindi din ako tanga para hindi ko maramdaman na wala siya’ng nararamdaman para sa’yo!”

My tears kept dripping, I was crying and I could not stop hanging out with him. I can not accept I do not want to accept.

What Leigh says is not true, it is not true that my wife does not love me.

“No, Leigh, Agus loves me–”

“Oliver, any friend will tell you, what I say they will tell you too!”

“No, Leigh, she loves me too …” I left in front of her, I was so hurt I didn’t know what else to say to her.

I still don’t want to believe, I really don’t want to believe.

I went home to Agustina and I, she was not there so I could do nothing but wait for him to come. I will wait for him no matter what happens. Kahit ano’ng mangyari. Magagawa ko siya’ng hintayin.

“David?” Ilang oras ako’ng nakatanga at nakayuko sa kama. Inangat ko ang ulo ko at nakita ko siya’ng kakapasok lang niya ng kwarto. “Sabi ko ’wag mo na ako–”

“Agustina, ’di’ba maha mo ’ko?” I saw that she was a little surprised, I looked at him but she immediately avoided and approached the table to lay down her belongings there.

“Diba, Agustina?” I asked her again. She was not looking at me he was just looking at her belongings on the table. I can’t be wrong, she loves me too.

“Agustina.”

She turned to face me now, but still slightly bowed. “Agustina, I know you love me too ….”

She slowly approached me, closer and closer until she was in front of me. I was not standing, I just looked up to see her.

“Baby… tell me you love me too…” yumakap ako kaagad sa baywang niya, hinapit ko siya huwag lang lumayo ang katawan niya sa akin. “Don’t.. leave… me …” I said intermittently. Lahat gagawin ko para hindi niya ako iwanan, kahit pa magmukha ako’ng tanga basta ako lang ang piliin niya.

“I’ll.. be… good” I sank into her tummy and hugged her tightly. I almost rubbed my face on him. I beg her that in all, I beg.

I felt her touch my shoulder as I hugged her, as much as I could hold back my tears. I don’t want to cry for her. But I can not cope.

“Hmm … no … d-don’t l-leave … me … Agustina …” I kept crying with her, I cried because I couldn’t hold back anymore. My chest is getting tight.

I know it’s my fault because I didn’t stop whatever I was feeling for her. That I almost went crazy when she was around me. I can not avoid.

I felt her slightly push me but I did not move, I hugged her even more. I don’t want to let her go, I don’t want to lose him. Na sa akin na lang siya palagi hindi na siya makakawala pa.

“Please….I-I know….I-It’s my f-fault…B-But…I love you…” sambit ko. Patuloy pa din ako sa pagiyak, kahit nangingnig ang mga labi ko hindi ako tumigil sa kakasalita, basta intindihin lang niya ’yung nararamdaman ko. Maintindihan lang niya ayos na sa akin.

I slightly raised my head and to her chest sank. “I love you … please believe me … wifey …” I begged“I love you … please… don’t leave me…stay with…me”

“I love you too, David. I found you again and that’s enough…”

I woke up, I woke up feeling something slimy or hot to me.

I looked at my body. Not at the time I was deprived. My clothes are different and I still smell like wine.

“Shit! Shit!” mura ko at bumungon kaso nga lang ay napahawak ako sa ulo k odahil masakit pa din. Hindi ko alam pero kinakabahan ako, baka kung kanino’ng bahay ako mapunta at wala naman ako’ng naaalala na nangyari kagabi sa akin.

“Tangina, sino’ng nagpalit ng damit ko?!!” sigaw ko. Kung iba’ng tao ang nakakita at nagpalit sa dami ko hindi ako matatahimik.

“Tangina naman ang aga-aga ang ingay!” nabosesan ko ang malakas na sigaw ni Joshua sa labas ng kwarto, kilala ko ang boses niya kaya natahimik ako. Si Joshua? Disgusted and embarrassed I looked at Agustina, she was on the sofa and I could hardly get rid of the annoyance I was feeling and the embarrassment.

She was on the sofa and did not stand next to me, I wanted to avoid but I could not. Embarrassing, I was embarrassed. Sobra’ng nakakahiya sa kanya. Hiya’ng-hiya ako.

Ang kapal talaga ng mukha ko

“David, ang aga-aga.” Wala’ng gana’ng sambit niya sa akin. May naramdaman naman ako’ng hindi maganda, hindi ko alam kung ayos lang ba siya o ano.

“And one more thing, I changed you. You’ll just smell more wine. I just replaced your polo with you.”

Tumayo ito at nilapitan na ang pintuan ng kwarto na kanina pa may kumakatok. Sina Joshua ang naroon at ang pinsan niya’ng si Cristal sila kaagad ang bumungad sa akin.

Naiinis pa din ako, mahigpit ko’ng hinahawakan ang kumot na nakabalot pa din hanggang ngayon sa katawan ko.

“Ano ba’ng sinisigaw niya’ng asawa mo?” rinig ko’ng reklamo ni Joshua, lalo lang ako’ng naiinis, mali’ng akala na nga ako makikisabay pa siya. “Ikaw, bakit ka sigaw ng sigaw? Para ka namang tanga!” sigaw niya kaagad ng makita ako at pumasok kaagad papalapit sa akin.

“Pota naman, nagulat ako iba na damit ko!” I almost tore my clothes when he pulled it, I woke up in no time in bed. I also looked at him very annoyed.

Yes I was wrong! I was wrong!

Hinihigit ko din ang damit niya dahil ayaw niya ako’ng bitawan. Nahihilo pa at baka masapok ko lang siya ng wala sa oras.

“Palagi ka namang ganyan parang tanga mawawalan kaba ng virginity kung papalitan ka ng damit? Gago!” Hindi pa ako nakakapagsalita ay pumasok na sina Agustina, si Agustina hinawakan niya si Joshua at tinignan ito. I couldn’t help but look at my wife, I could see she was fainting. Her eyes close and I can feel the heat of her body because she is almost close to me. “Bitawan mo ko, Agu dapat tinuturuan ’to ng eleksyon!”

“Tangina, bitawan mo ko!” Tinutulak ko siya pero hindi niya pa din binibitawan ang damit ko, kinakabahan ako hindi dahil sa kung susuntukin niya ako. Si Agustina alam ko’ng may hindi maganda sa kanya.

“David, Joshua pwede ba’ng tama na” she said softly to the two of us and Joshua, only her voice was not good anymore.

Joshua did not stop so I beat him even more, I want to get rid of him and understand my wife, my wife … I am worried about her.

I was even more nervous when he touched her head, she felt it.

“Wait, let me go!” I shouted, Agustina looked at me and I pushed Joshua away from me.Worried I approached Agustina, she looked at me as if she could not understand me, that I changed suddenly.

I touched his elbow. “Are you okay? What’s about your feelings?” worried I asked him. I was nervous because he was close but I would go even more crazy if I did not know what he was feeling bad about. “Agustina, Are you okay?” we both stared into each other’s eyes.

“I’ll take care of Agu–” I did not allow Joshua to touch Agustina, so I could take care of my wife. I touched her even more. Tinulak ko nanamang muli si Joshua lumayo lang siya kay Agustina. “I’ll take care of my wife!” sigaw ko.

Kaagad na pinigilan kami’ng dalawa ni Cristal at Agustina. Naiinis ako kay Joshua, mukha ko ba’ng hindi kaya’ng alagaan si Agustina? Kung noon siguro hindi pero ngayon siguro ako’ng magagawa ko iyon.

“Are you jelous?” What the fuck, Joshua

I would have spoken more when I saw Agustina’s unconsciousness. Fortunately, I caught him right away.

“Agustina! Agsutina!” I kept shouting but she closed her eyes.

“Putcha! Cristal call the Doctor!” Joshua shouted and joined me in Agustina.

What is happening? is she lacking in sleep or what? Tired?

I picked her up and slowly laid her on the bed. I was so nervous, exhausted as I looked at her. Sobra’ng lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko habang hawak ang kamay niya. Hindi ko siya binibitawan.

I’m waiting for the Doctor I can’t be bothered, I don’t know what to think. What do I do.

It’s my fault she won’t wake up if I didn’t get drunk last night, or maybe I did something bad so she woke up.

“David, lumabas muna tayo…nanjan na ’yung Doctor…” hinawakan ni Cristal ang balikat ko, nasa tabi niya si Abby at ’yung kambal niya.

“Pwede’ng dito ako haba–”

“Hindi pwede.” si Cris ang angsalita, sila’ng dalawa nagmadali pa’ng pumunta dito at wala’ng kaayos-ayos, baka na bakas na kagigising lang nila’ng dalawa.

I looked at Agustina, I slowly let go of her hand. “The Doctor will look at her, David, let’s go out.” Cris approached me. She held me and helped me to my feet.

I feel like I lost my annoyance, lost my shame and my headache because of what happened. I was so worried about her.

I was quietly waiting outside our room, I just peeked inside while the Doctors were taking care of her.

Cristal was talking to me but I could not answer hee, I could not speak because I felt it was my fault why that happened to Agustina. She woke up I did not know.

Her cousins ​​were talking, Cris stood next to me at the door and stroked my back.

“Cris.” I called to him, we looked at each other and our companions were silent. “What did I do last night? When I was drunk?” I don’t really remember what happened last night.

“David, you did nothing last night.” Abby answered me I looked at her, they were all looking at me. “You lost consciousness in drunkenness last night …”

“Siguro napagod din si Agustina sa kasal kagabi…lalo na lasing ka. At isa pa late na tayo’ng lahat nakauwi. Kulang lang siguro siya sa tulog…” natahimik ako’ng muli at nagbaba ng tingin. Siguro puyat lang din siya at pagod din naman ako.

“David, huwag ka’ng mag-alala” hinawakan ni Cris ang balikat ko. “Magiging ayos din si Agu.”

I smiled “Thank you, I’m so worried about hee …”

They looked at me for a moment and were stunned for a moment. I just ignored it, I don’t know what they will think.

“Uh …” Abby avoided looking at me as if she wanted to tell me more.

“David.” Joshua called to me, he was on the stairs and looking at me. I turned around.

“Why?” I said softly.

“Do you really like —”

“No, I love her” I know others love the one I love, I love Agustina I would not go crazy if I did not feel this way.

We all fell silent after I spoke.

“Please, you have nothing to say to Agustina …” I turned to them again. “Do not say what I told you.”

Somehow I got better because the Doctor said Agustina was just tired and lacked sleep. She has no other illness.

“Thank you po…” we said to the Doctor before he left the house.

“Grabe, kinabahan ako. Talaga’ng nawala kalasingan ko kanina.” sumilip si Abby sa loob ng kwarto. Nasa labas pa din kami’ng lahat.

“Tara pasok na tayo.” Binuksan ko ang pintuan at pinauna na si Abby siya na din naman ang nasa harapan ng pintuan. Si Joshua ang pinakahuli’ng pumasok Nagkatininginan kami’ng dalawa.

We found Agustina asleep in bed. Her female cousins ​​immediately sat down at the end to look at her.

The three of us remained standing at the door. I especially want to approach Agustina but her cousins ​​are still there I do not want to mix first.

So all I did was look at her while she was away. Hindi ko maalis ang tingin ko sa kanya para’ng kahit ano’ng oras kakabahan ako kung aalisin ko pa ang tingin sa kanya.  Iniisip ko na lang sana mabuti pa din ang pakiramdam niya paggising niya at hindi na siya pagod. At mas gusto ko’ng may tulog pa din siya ulit. Kahit sobra’ng nag-aalala ako sa kanya mas pinili ko na lang na maging kalmado.

Tahimik kami’ng lahat sa kwarto, ’yung mga babae’ng pinsan ni Agustina nakatingin lang sa kanya, si Abby naman hawak ’yung kamay niya at hinahaplos yun, Si Cristal naman ay nakaupo sa tabi ni Aghstina, sa kama.

Joshua and Cris, on the other hand, were sitting near the window, while I was just standing in the doorway staring at my sleeping wife. I can’t take my eyes off her, if it just melts maybe I think she’s melted now.

“We’ll buy something to eat first.” Agustina’s cousins ​​stood next to him. I, in turn, mixed with them and approached my husband’s bed.

“All right, we’ll just wait for you here …” I said smiling to them, they all looked at me. “Just come back right away so he can look for you when he wakes up.”

“Babalik kami kaagad, may alam ako’ng bilihan dito.” hinawakan ni Cris ang balikat ko. Tumango sa akin sila Abby. “Ikaw na bahala sa pinsan namin ha? Asawa mo na din naman ’yan.”

“Aalagaan niya ’yan, mahal niya ’yan ’e” napanguso ako dahil nagsisimula na sila’ng asarin ako. “Nga pala, David,” Tawag sa akin ni Valerie. “Huwag ka ng mahihiya sa amin, kaibigan mo na kami mula ngayon.”

There is a part of me that I am stunned, there are many of them. Many friends have changed me so that what happened in the past until now will happen to me again.

All I could do was smile at them before they left the room.

I am still afraid to have many friends, Leigh is okay with me because she is not new to me.

I shook my head and just looked at Agustina.

Napakagulo ko’ng tao bakit pagdating kay Agustina masyado ako’ng takot na takot, hindi ako makapag-isip ng maayos, hindi ako makagawa ng mga desisyon na para sa akin. Kasi bawat isip ko siya naman palagi.

How can I get away with this kind of work? If all my feelings are really true or if my own fears just lead me more.

I slowly brought my hand close to Agustina’s cheek, I could look at her from her eyes to her lips. Kahit napapalunok na ako nagawa ko pa din haplusin ang pisngi niya.

“I’m sorry… sa mga sinabi at nagawa ko noon.” mahina’ng sambit ko sa harapan niya. Hindi ako magsasawa’ng humingi ng tawad sa kanya, kahit ano pa ’yan mapatawad niya lang ako sa mga masasakit na salita’ng sinabi ko noon.

Because of my feelings and annoyance I do not know what else I said was not good for him then.

My hand went down to his hand, I held it slowly.

“I hope you forgive me …” I kissed her hand. “I know you won’t like that I fell for you, Sorry …” I pressed my lips even harder to his hand, a long kiss I made.

“I have no regrets that I fell for someone like you …”

I didn’t speak anymore, I just stared at him. I wanted to wake him up but he was so awake.

“Hmm …” I immediately looked at her when I heard her moan. Nakikita ko ng nahihirapan siya at namumuo ang luha sa gilid ng mga mata niya. Kaya nataranta ako.

“Agustina?” Hinawakan ko siya pero hindi pa din siya tumitigil sa kakaungol, “Agustina, gumising ka!” halos buhatin ko na siya para magising siya.

“Agustina!” She stared as her tears kept dripping, I was so worried about her maybe what dream happened to her. “Bumangon ka, please umiiyak ka…” inalalayan ko siya, tanging sa balikat at baywang lang niya ako nakahawak.

My chest was pounding so hard, I was so nervous. I helped him get up slowly.

“You’re dreaming …” I took a towel and wiped her face. I saw that he was surprised by what I did, but I did not know that I was worried about her. “How’s your feelings?Masakit pa ba ang ulo mo?” nakita ko ang pagbaba ng tingin niya, iniiwasan niya ako.

“Agu–”

“Call me by my surname.” Putol niya sa sinabi ko. Natigilan ako roon. Natigilan kami pareho. I have always wanted to call him by his name. Now that she is my wife I want to call her that.

“Why …” I wanted to say something and add but I could not say. She took the towel from me and wiped her face. “What’s the problem?” I added immediately. She still doesn’t look at me. “Why are you—”

“Gomez, I’m okay.” sumandal siya sa headboard ng kama at tinignan ako. “Can you please distance yourself to me?” malumanay niya’ng sambit sa akin. Pero hindi ko ginawa, hindi ako nakinig at hindi ako lumayo ’gaya ng gusto niya.

“Are you mad? Why?” tanong ko sa kanya.

“No, please distance to me, Mandidiri ka nanaman.” kumunot ang noo ko. Ano’ng sinasbai niya? Hindi ako nandidiri sa kanya. Tangina naman kasi’ng pag-iisp meron ako lalo na ’yung bunganga ko.

Talaga’ng pinagsisisihan ko na lahat.

“Yeah…”

“What’s your problem?” tanong ko, nakasimangot kasi siya sa akin. Siguro naguguluhan siya sa akin kaya siya ganito.

“Wala ako’ng problema, tigilan mo na kakatanong.” My eyes widened at him slightly. Hindi ako naniniwala’ng wala siya’ng problema. Pinangungunahan nanaman ako ng nararamdaman ko, palagi na lang.

I just grabbed my hair and stroked it. “Okay, okay. Hindi na magtatanong. Please don’t get be mad.”

’I’m not mad.“ sambit niya kaagad sa akin.

I did not answer yet. We both fell silent. I also have nothing to say because I am nervous again, the strength of the beating of my chest even though I calmed down I have not done yet.

Until the door of the room opened, his cousins ​​and Joshua came out with a lot of food. I got up as soon as I saw them. I walked closer to the sofa.

“Aguuuuu! Gising kana!” si Abby ang narinig ko’ng sumigaw. Hindi ko na sila tinignan pa tuluyan ako’ng naupo sa sofa. I got up as soon as I saw them. I walked closer to the sofa. All I did was listen to their conversation while reading the magazine I was holding.

I don’t know them very well so it’s okay for me to stay away from them first.

Pumasok ako ng kwarto namin ni Agustina pagkatapos ko’ng magluto ng hapunan namin. Nakatulog nanaman kasi siya at lumalamig nanaman kaya mas maigi’ng silipin ko siya.

“Are you cold?” ang tanga ko talaga magsalita kahit kailan. Nilalamig na nga siya iyon pa ang sinabi ko.

I slowly stepped towards her.

“No …” I heard her answer my question.

“Hey” pumunta ako sa harapan niya kung saan mo siya makikita. Lumuhod ako para makita ko siya. “Are you really okay? I turned down the aircon, is it cold too?” malumanay ko’ng sambit sa kanya. “Agustina…” tawag ko muli sa kanya.

It was as if I was about to explode, our closeness to each other especially our faces. I can’t control myself. I can’t bear that he is not close to me.

I always wanted her here, even if I was in too much trouble, I could just see her okay with me.

I restrained myself when I heard every beat of her heart, I could hear it especially since we were close to each other and we were just quiet.

It was as if I was going crazy while listening to the beating of her chest. I know that’s for me, for me …sobra’ng sarap sa pandinig habang pinapakinggan ko iyon.

“I heard your heartbeat.” I hear my heartbeat too, Damn.

After I said that he turned her back on me and immediately covered me with a blanket.

“It’s okay with me, Agustina ….” I don’t know but that’s all I said at every moment. Maybe I’m really restless.

“It’s not okay, David.” I was silent, I did not know what to say to what he said.

Is this what I say and I always think I will not like it? Especially since she thought Leigh and I were still together? I want to explain but I can’t, only my lips are shaking. “I don’t like this feeling. I can’t keep quiet …“napakagat ako sa labi ko, Ano;ng ibig niya’ng sabihin?

May nararamdaman ba din siya sa akin? Ano? Naguguluhan din? Alam ko hindi naman ako mabilis dahil ilang araw at buwan ako’ng nabaliw sa kakaisip kung ano ba talaga’ng nararamdaman ko para sa kanya.

“Why?” tanging nasabi ko, nabobobo na ako. Naging bobo na ako dahil sa sarili ko. “Agustina…” tawag ko sa kanya muli. Gusto ko’ng maintindihan niya ang nararamdaman ko, sana maramdaman niya din.

Gusto ko iyon, gusto ko’ng maintindihan niya.

“Just stay away, hindi ko din alam kung bakit ka ganyan. Don’t cheat to Leigh, She’s so inlove with you.” tangina naman si Leigh inlove kay Aya. “I’m not doing anything, And I will not do anything to hurt you two. I hope you know that.”

I still can’t speak, I can only look behind her, only behind him. “Huwag ka’ng mag-alala malapit na tayo’ng umuwi, makikita mo na din si Leigh.” bumuntong hininga ako, gano’n na ba ako kahirap? Ganito na ba ako katanga? O siguro baka karma ko talaga ’to kaya ganito.

’Do whatever you want.“ sabi niya. ’Epekto lang ’to ng alak at pagod, David.“ pero hindi, Agustina, hindi dahil sa alak.

“I know…Sorry…” Putangina, David, ang tanga-tanga mo. Tangina talaga.

Mga wala’ng kwenta pinagsasabi ko. Dahil sa takot, takot nanaman ako’ng magsabi.

Author’s Note

Sorry if I am slow to update. I’m also busy with my modules. Keepsafe everyone. I hope you understand all of David’s P.O.V. THANK YOU FOR READING!!

Chapter 34

(I did not write the rest of this in Agustina’s P.O.V)

David

It hurts for me because we haven’t been home to the Philippines yet. Agustina doesn’t touch me anymore, she didn’t even bother to look at me.

Even though I can’t say how I really feel about him, I let her know in other words, I did not fail. I was slow in what I was saying to her. I can’t get angry because I know I’m guilty.

It was morning and we were all downstairs, Abby prepared breakfast. My eyes immediately searched for Agustina. Nililingon ako ng mga pinsan niya.

“Si Agustina?” tumingin ako sa kanila dahil malapit sa akin si Abby, siya ang nagawa ko’ng tignan. “Hindi pa ba siya bumababa?” dagdag na tanong ko sa kanya. Napalingon na lalo sa akin sina Joshua.

“Lumabas si Agustina, hindi ko alam kung saan siya pupunta…:” nagtagal ang tingin ko kay Joshua pagkatapos niya ako’ng sagutin. Even if she just says, even if she just says goodbye to me it’s okay so I don’t worry too much about her especially since we are not in the Philippines. I can’t be bothered because we are still in another country until now.

I was silent, they were all quiet too. I just sat in the chair and just waited for Abby to cook. I’m hungry too.

I hardly slept during Agustina and I talked last night, even at our Dinner she was not able to talk to me and look at me.

I’m not used to it.

“Dav–” I didn’t finish what Cristal was going to say.

“I don’t really admit it, I’m going through something else.” I was caught in my face, I was disgusted with myself. “Shouldn’t I just say it? I wish I hadn’t just shown it all?”

“Tangina naman, oo alam ko’ng mali ako kasi kung ano-ano sinasabi ko sa kanya pero may nararamdaman na ako sa kanya una pala”ng.“

“Ano?”

“Uh…”

Bakas na bakas sa kanila ang pagkagulat sa sinabi ko. “Una pala’ng, una pala’ng hindi ko na mapaliwanag ’yung nararamdaman ko…” tinakapn ko ang mata ko. “Ilang araw at buwan ako’ng naging tanga, nainis, natakot, nabaliw dahil sa nararamdaman ko.”

I’ll admit I’m afraid because Jake they’ll judge me just because Agustina is not a woman, that leads to the reasons why I can’t fully accept how I feel.

There are so many reasons why I can’t accept everything, I can’t fully accept and I can’t really accept at first. Pero ngayon, kahit natatakot pa din unti-unti ko’ng kinakaya para maramadaman at maintindihan niya.

“Sa totoo lang takot, palagi ako’ng natatakot…” I sighed at how I felt, I didn’t want to tell them that they should not know. Especially the beginning of the problem why Agustina and I became married. That’s because of my friends who I still think about.

Hanggang ngayon dala-dala ko pa din ’yung mga ginawa kanila sa akin. Hindi ko makakalimutab iyon. Hindi’ng-hindi kasi talaga’ng minahal ko sila. Hindi ako makawala sa nakaraan.

Hindi ako makakapagsaya kung ganito ’yung nnararamdaman ko, hindi ko maialis iyon sa isip ko.

“At talaga namang ang tanga-tanga ko’ng tao, ang tanga ko.” Hinawakan ko ng mahigpit ang buhok ko. Gusto ko nanamang umiyak, iiyak nanaman ako. Sobra ako’ng nahihirapan dahil alam ko na kung ano’ng mangyayari. Lalayuan ako ni Agustina.

I was afraid I might lose her now I slowly told her how I felt. Because I feel like he is moving away from me. “I’m so inlove with my wife …” I said softly. It’s exhausting, I can’t help but think of what’s what again. I become paranoid again. I do not know what to do. “I don’t want her to avoid … I just want him to know how I feel.” I looked up, I looked at them all.

“Hindi ako makapagsalita sa kanya, wala ako’ng masabi kapag nanjan wala’ng lumalabas sa bibig ko.” Ginulo ko ang buhok ko, naiinis pa din ako at mas lalo ako’ng nasasaktan. “Wala kami ni Leigh, hindi niya ako gusto hindi ako” Para na ako’ng tanga sa sinasabi ko, hindi ko alam kung maiintindihan ba nila ako.

“Ano? Wala kayo ni Leigh?” hinampas ni Joshua ’yung lamesa, hindi na ako nagulat kung bakit nagulat man sya sa sinabi ko. “Paano’ng hindi?”

“Hindi talaga ako ’yung gusto niya, kagaya ko…takot din siya.”

“Ano’ng takot? Kagay—teka.” si Cristal na para ba’ng alam niya kung ano’ng ibig ko’ng sabihin. Alam na alam niya.

“Ibig sabihin, Si Leigh…may iba’ng gusto?” May iba’ng gusto at babae ang gusto niya kaya natatakot siya, madami;ng dahilan para matakot kami pareho. Magkaiba lang ng dahilan.

We were scared, no one was scared but I remained my coward. And my fear stays with me even more. I will never lose it again.I was so scared that I could no longer think about what could happen to me and Agustina and me.

“Hindi ako ang gusto niya…” Alam ko kung hanggang saan lang ang sasabihin ko. Sa akin na lang kung sino ang gusto niya.  I know what I just have to say, I can not go beyond that.

“What will I do…” Hindi ko na sila tinignan pa, yumuko ako’ng muli at nag-iisip kung ano’ng gagawin ko, ayoko’ng lumayo sa akin si Agustina, hindi ko kaya. Paano kung hindi na talaga niya ako kausapin o pansinin manlang.

“Nag-usap ba kayo kahapon?” tanong ni Valerie, kaharap ko siya tinitignan nila ako’ng lahat. “Ano’ng sabi niya?”

“Hindi niya gusto ang sinasabi ko, pinaparamdam ko.” I answered her question, I saw the change in their appearance. Nothing new will go away from what I feel.

Why can’t I say that Leigh and I are not, if I say she can still say something.

“Pwede niya’ng sabihin na anguugluhan lang ako, na babae pa din ’yung gusto ko kapag sinabi ko ’yung totoo.”

We were all silent again, I could only hear the sound of the dishes because Abby was getting ready, she also put down the breakfast she had prepared for us. Abby sat next to me, behind me was Valerie and next to Cristal were Joshua and Cris.

“I do not want my wife to stay away from me …” I just look at the food prepared in front of me, I lose my appetite.

“David, eat first” Valerie turned to me by my side, so did Abby. “Agustina will be back too, eat first.”

I bowed again. The pain hurts how I feel. Nararamdaman ko nanaman ’yung mga hindi ko dapat maramdaman. Nasasaktan ako sobra. Kasi alam ko’ng hindi ko kaya nag-aadjust pa din ako hanggang ngayon.

Paunti-unti ako’ng umuusad para lang maging maayos…

“Hindi lang matatanggap ni Agustina kung ganyan ka.” si Cristal. “Naiintindihan mo si Agustina ’diba?” Nanahimik ako ulit. Ngayon ako dapat ’yung umintindi kasi ako ’yung may kasalanan. Nabibigla siya.

“Just take it easy now.” Cris added. “We know you’re slow, so please be careful what happens …”

I can’t speak because from the beginning I knew I was the one at fault. Maybe if I had just been nice to him at first he wouldn’t have avoided me now that I like him.

I just ate as much as they wanted. And I will wait outside to wait for Agustina to arrive. Hihintayin ko siya, gusto ko pa din siya’ng makausap kahit alam ko’ng iiwasan pa niya ako.

“Ang araw-araw ang lamig pa din.” Narinig ko si Cris pagkalabas namin ng bahay, tumambay kami sa garden. Medyo malamig nga pero kaya naman.

“Kuya. kung nilalamig ka pumasok kana lang.” Sita sa kanya ng kambal niya. “Maglaro kana lang dun, hihintayin namin dito si Agu.” Tumawa si Cris kaya napatingin ako sa kanila, inaasar nanaman niya ’yung kapatid niya.

“Tara, samahan mo ’ko” niyayakap nito si Cristal. “Wala ako’ng kasama–” Siniko siya ng kapatid niya. “Ih, kambal kita ’di ko kaya’ng wala ka.”

“Weh” gatol nina Abby. “Kaya mo ’yun, Cris inaasar lang naman ’yang kapatid mo.”

Sit in the chair and look around, there are not too many people because it is really cold here outside.

There are also very few passing vehicles, sometimes there are none.I just listened to their cousin’s temptation. Agustina is the only one we want to see, I want to see. Kung gagamit man ako ng phone at tawagan siya wala naman ako’ng number niya.

Hinawakan ko ng mahigpit ang kamay ko habang nakaupo. Nakababa lang din ang tingin roon. Nag-iisip ako, sobra’ng dami ko’ng iniisip kung ano’ng gagawin ko. Kung ano nanaman ba’ng sasabihin ko sa kanya pagdating niya.

I can’t think of anything sensible because when she’s there I can barely speak, I can’t think of what to say.

“Ano’ng ginagawa ninyo dito sa labas?” napatingin kami’ng lahat, si Agustina nasa harapan namin at balot na balot ang katawan sa jacket niya’ng makapal. Tumitig ako sa kanya, nanghihina nanaman ako.

Naglakad siya papalapit sa mga pinsan niya, hindi manlang niya ako nililingon. Kahit isa’ng tingin lang. Nakatingin lang ako sa kanya habang nakikipag-usap siya. Hindi ako mapakali, hindi niya tinitgnan. I just stared as I listened to their conversation. They asked Agustina where he was going.

“Kila Daddy … someone came after me earlier. I just walked back here.” I remained standing on the side and looking at him. I can also see his cousins ​​secretly looking at me. “Sorry, hindi ako nakapagpaalam.” malumanay na sambit niya.

“I only texted Joshua earlier …” she turned to his cousins. “Have you eaten?”

“Yes, we just finished. We went out because we are waiting for you.” Cristal and looked at me.

“Agu, David is waiting for you so we went out.” my eyes searched for Abby but she could not look at me.

“Oh …” that’s all I heard from Agustina.

I want to approach her in case someone stops me, she might just stay away from me even more. But I really want to approach her. Nag-aalala naman ako sa kanya. Gusto ko lang naman may masabi.

“Agustina?” lumapit ako napatingin ang mga pinsan niya sa akin bago siya naman ang nilingon ako. “Uh…kumain kana ba?” tanong ko, nagiging magulo ang makita ko. Hindi ko siya matignan ng maayos.

She looked at me but immediately avoided. “Yes, I ate with Mommy and Daddy.” she replied.

I was silent again, I could not add anything I could say to her. She turned to her cousins ​​again. “Let’s go in.”

Before she could walk I held her hand. “Agu, are you avoiding me?” tanong ko sa kanya. Hindi ko kasi kayang hindi niya ako pinapansin at iniiwasan pa ako. “Agu–”

“Please, Yes, Iniiwasan kita…” mabilis niya’ng sagot at tinggal ang pagkakahawak ng kamay ko sa kamay niya. “Never come near me” my eyes widened and I bowed. Mabibigat na hininga ang ginawa ko.

Are my feelings bad? Does he not accept? shw does not like me?

I watched her walk away from me again, she entered life without looking at me …

Hindi na talaga niya ako kianusap pa. Hanggang tingin na lang ako sa kanya sa lahat ng ginagawa niya. Kahit ngayong pauwi na kami ng Pilipinas.

Sobra’ng dami ko’ng naramdaman simula no’ng kinasal kami’ng dalawa sa Finland, sobra’ng dami ko na ding sinubukan bago pa kami ikasal, ’yung nararamdaman ko, ’yung buo’ng ako halos binago ko lahat.

Hnada akong baguhin ang lahat. He will just accept me wholeheartedly.

Pero hindi…

Author’s Note

Hi, Every friday na lang ako makakapag-update. Start na din ng 2nd Quarter namin magiging busy nanaman ako. Hope you understand. Keepsafe everyone. Thank you for reading.

Chapter 35

(David’s P.O.V on Chapter 12)

David

“David?” tinapik ni Valerie ang balikat ko, napababa ang tingin ko sa kanya. Kakapasok lang namin ng private ng tanungin niya ako at nakatingin naman sina Cris sa akin.

“Bakit?” nilapag ko ang bag ko sa harapan ng upuan ni Agustina, nakaupo na siya habang kayo nakatayo pa lang.

“Ayos ka lang ba?” lumapit ito ay bahagya’ng bumulong.

I smiled and nodded at her, I touched her head. “I’m fine. Thank you …” I added and made them sit next to us.

Agustina still doesn’t look at me even though she can’t look back at her cousins. I turned to my companions, we all looked at each other.

I wonder what I can do to not be like this. Maybe if I don’t admit it maybe it won’t go away from me. Ako din naman mas malalim pa ang iniisip ko dahil sa katangahan ko. Palagi na lang.

Hindi ko alam kung normal pa ba’ng utak at pag-iisip meron ako, bakit ganito.

Napasimangot ako at napatingin na lang sa labas hindi ko alam kung may magagawa pa ba ako. Kung kaya mo ba lahat gawin basta maintindihan niya lang ako. Gusto ko kahit iba’ng pagsasalita ko maintindihan niya.

Kasi bawat araw na lumilipas palagi ako’ng natatakot sa mga magiging reaksyon niya, sa mga sasabihin niya at hindi ko lalo’ng kaya na lumayo siya.

“Agu,” Joshua’s voice I heard I secretly turned to my wife, she turned to Joshua obvious to her that she was thinking deeply.

We are just the same, I also think she is having a hard time with what I showed.

“Are you okay?” it added to him. I kept turning to her. She is confused I know, I know that I can not be wrong. Mabagal ang pagtango niya sa mga pinsan niya, hindi ko maiwasang hindi siya tignan kita’ng-kita ko’ng nahihirapan siya dahil sa kagaguhan ko’ng ’to. Palagi na lang ako’ng magulo.

I just followed my feelings because I knew I would not be stopped until I told her. It’s hard to hold back so I can’t handle it either.

“Agu–” I said but I was also surprised when she suddenly stood up, I looked at her, she became naughty thing he knew if she avoided looking at me and seeing me.

“C.R lang ako”

“Wait–” hindi na iya ako pinatapos at umalis sa harapan namin, sa harapan ko. Tumayo ako at kaagad siya’ng sinundan. Hindi ako papayag na magagawa nanaman niya ako’ng takasan ngayon.

The two of us were chasing each other to the restroom, the plane we were riding in was moving slightly so I couldn’t follow her very well.

I have to chase her chase. I will chase him no matter what else she does.

“David, please stay away from me!” she shouted as I touched her elbow, the second time I could touch her again. I could no longer pull her in front of me.

Our bodies collided causing me to like it more, her closeness to me I do not want us to be further away from each other. “Davi–”

My hand came and went down to hee waist, I couldn’t help but cry even more when she was the one I was holding. I looked at her looking furious at me.

I can’t stop … I still want to touch her.

“Are you avoiding me?” I did not take my eyes off her. “Why? Why are you avoiding me?”

Tsk, nagtatanong pa din ako kahit halata’ng-halata na kung bakit siya umiiwas.

Para ako’ng mababaliw habang nakikiramdam ako sa kanya at sa tibok ng puso niya, sa kabog ng dibdib naming dalawa. Mas lalo ko’ng nilapit ang katawan naming dalawa sa isa’t-isa.

My jaw moved as I started to caress her waist. I admire her body shape so much, I can’t help but feel and touch her.

I want it…want it …

Damn, I’m getting hot. Sobra ako’ng naiinitan. 

“Let me go” inis na sambit pa niya sa akin. Hindi ako kumibo, mas lalo ko siyang hinawakan at tinignan sa mga mata niya. Hindi ko maiaalis. Ayoko’ng alisin.

My lips moved. Hindi ko na kaya ’yung nararamdaman ko.

I looked down at her lips, I did not recover immediately. I thought there for a while.

I want to kiss her.

“D-David …” she tried to push me but I did not move away the more I pressed my body to her.

“Why? Why I’m letting you go?” I saw her frowned hindi ko maiwasang hindi matawa at mangiti sa isip ko. Bagay na bagay talaga sa kanya na naasar siya sa akin.I like it even more that I am close to him and I see her very close.

“And why? Why you are not letting me go?” she asked me annoyed. I couldn’t help but marvel at how brave she was in my eyes. She does not beat me.

“Cause, I don’t want to…” I said softly, I slowly approached her ear. Her closeness to me makes me swallow. I grabbed her waist and I pulled her closer to me. “You can’t run away.”

I also could not help but smell her scent. “I am your husband, don’t stay away from me …”

damn it

Nagulat ako ng bigla niya ako’ng itulak dahilan para mapalayo na ako ng tuluyan sa kanya. Napatingin ako ng magkalayo kami’ng dalawa, wala ko lang siya’ng tinignan perosiya halos patayin na ako sa tingin.

I was licked inside my mouth.

’“Fuck you!” sigaw niya at kaagad niya ako’ng tinalikuran. Doon lang ako napadila sa labi ko at napangiti. Wala pa din sa akin na tigilan siya kaagad ko siya’ng hinabol “Huwag mo na ako’ng—” nagulat siya ng nasa harapan ko na siya.

I pushed her into C.R. I lovingly touched his waist as she continued to release me. “David, bakit ba ganito ginagawa mo?” tinulak nanaman niya ako.

Ayoko, ayoko’ng tumigil, hindi ako titigil. Alam ko’ng may nararamdaman din siya para sa akin. Tinuro niya ako at sumigaw ng sumigaw sa kanya. “Ang kapal naman ng mukha mo’ng gawin ’to sa akin, nilalayuan na nga kita tapos lapit ka pa din ng lapit!”

My lips moved at what she said. Leigh and I are not together and I hope she will gradually know how I feel for her.

Even though I was hurt by what she said I still insisted. SHe could have understood only my thoughts. Because I am not hiding from her.

“We’re both men. Don’t you like women?” my chest throbbed at her question.

Is Porket a man like me? I can no longer like her? I can’t love her? Is that wrong? isn’t that possible? “Hindi ko gusto ang mga pinaparamdam mo, nakakagago!” Alam ko, nagagago din ako sa nararamdaman ko, nasasaktan ako kasi ganito ka sa akin.

Nahihirapan ako’ng iparamdam kasi alam ko’ng hindi mo maiintindihan at hindi mo matatanggap.

“I don’t like what you feel, I don’t like what you do!”

But I want it, Agustina…Gusto ko na ’yung nararamdaman ko, gusto’ng-gusto ko na.

My jaw moved, I knew he no longer really understood me and he had no intention of understanding me. “Bakit mo ba ’to ginagawa?” tanong niya.

Kasi mahal kita, mahirap ba ’yun?

“Isipin mo nga si Leigh kung gagawa ka ng kalokohan, huwag mo ko–” I didn’t finish what she was going to say and pulled her to kiss her on the lips at the same time. I felt her shock but I ignored her.

I grabbed and squeezed her waist even more and kissed her hard, holding my shoulders as she restrained me.

No, I do not want to stop

I moved my lips to hers, the more I touched her. I even caressed her back causing my body to get even hotter.

“Hmm …” fuck, Agustina please moan loudly. I put my tongue inside her mouth, I’m losing control I’d better continue.

I became even more eager for her.

She still pushed me hard.

“David, heck–” I pulled her away and kissed her again.

Tangina, wala tayo’ng ititigil.

“Hmm…” I want more’

“David! … ha …” naghiwalay ang labi naming dalawa. . “You’re not doing it right!”

“Let me kiss you–” naghahabol na hiningang smabit niya sa akin. I never thought I would like her lips, I still want to taste them. “Get out of here! I don’t want to see you here!”

“Don’t–”

I pulled her into the nearest cubicle next to the two of us. I closed it and immediately leaned against the door.

I can not take it anymore

“David, please” nililihis niya ang mga hawak ko sa baywang niya. “Bitawan mo ko! Si Leigh ang halikan mo–” I touched her cheeks and glued our lips together again. If this is all I can do, this is all I can do.

Every time I kissed her carefully, very slowly and tenderly.

“Hmm …” she moaned again. I supported her body causing her to hold me to my chest.

“Haa … huu …” hinga niya ng bumitaw ako ng halikan naming dalawa. Earlier I wanted to die because my chest was beating so fast. I choose after that I can no longer breathe how I feel.

“It’s better to kiss a transgender …” I said. It is not wrong anymore. I will continue that I can no longer control. I lower my hand to her thigh.

“D-David …” I hid my face around his neck. I could still hear her breathing hard because of my kisses. “W-Why–”

“You want more?” I immediately licked her neck and my caress on her thighs did not stop. I really want to mark him …

“Ahh..D-Davi - uhmm …” I sucked on his neck so that he would have a mark that I myself could see her. “Ahhh…”

“Haa..a-ahh …”

“Yours is hard …” I said without letting her go.

“hmm …”

I touched her face and looked up so we could both look at each other. I touched her chin and brought my face close to hers.

“Just breathe …” my heartbeat quickened even more as I could see he was not taking his eyes off me as he chased his breath.

I can’t be wrong, I can’t.

“Sorry, I drowned too much on your lips.” I did not take my eyes off him, I was too much to kiss him so until now he could not catch his breath.

I still grabbed her waist and pressed my lips to her forehead.

I pressed my lips closer to his forehead.

“How’s Le–”

“Not us …” I kissed her harder.

We are not there, Leigh and I are not. Knowing if he will not believe, he will not believe but nothing really.

Nanahimik ako ng pag-awayan namin hanggang sa labas ng cubicle ang usapan sa amin ni Leigh, alam ko’ng hindi naman ako dapat matakot na magsabi sa kanya ng totoo pero sana naman maintindihan niya ako.

Maniwala lang siya sa akin ayos na ako. Because I am not calm, I am restless with what is happening especially the two of us.

Naiintindihan ko na ngayon ’yung mga sinabi ni Leigh at ni Daddy, naiintindihan ko na.

I still think until now I am the only one who can not understand but I do not force everything especially with Agustina. Not yet forced.

I quietly entered Agustina’s house. We are no longer with his cousins ​​because they cannot sleep here.

The more I think I can barely see them Agustina talking to her parents.

“Are you okay?” Joshua tapped me on the shoulder “What’s the matter?”

“May iniisip lang ako.” tinapik ko ang balikat niya. “Magpapahinga muna ako.” Hindi ko na inabala pa ang usapan nila’ng pamilya sa sala. Umakyat na ako kaagad upang magpahinga.

Masyado na ako’ng napapagod kakaisip kung ano pa ba ang pwede ko’ng gawin sa mga nangyayari. Gusto ko’ng magkwento kay Leigh kaso ang dami ko’ng katangahan na sinabi noong nasa Finland kami.

After eating I immediately lay down next to him on the bed. I’ll just put my thoughts aside first, it’s not okay for me that he ignores me.

“Hey, Wifey …” I called as she looked at the book.

“Stop calling me, Wifey–” I immediately interrupted what he was going to say.

“Edi, Wifey”

He slammed the book he was reading closed, I just smiled at him even though he was very annoyed with me “Bakit ka kasi nagagalet?” dahan-dahan ko’ng hinawakan ang kamay niya at ipinatong sa pisngi ko.

I can’t help but smile because I just feel like he’s okay with me, I’ll be okay. . “Please, ’wag kana po magalit.”

“Stop annoying me, David.” I immediately shook my head at him, I’m not really teasing maybe I’m just removing what happened to us.

“Oh, hindi na.” masuyo ko’ng hinalikan ang palad niya. “Hindi na po, please ’wag kana magalit…” I looked at him again and looked into her eyes. “I know, naguguluhan ka din…”

I can’t help but feel sad about everything that is happening and how I feel. I held her hand tightly and kissed her again.

“Hayaan mo ko’ng bumawi…ipaparamdam ko lahat ng dapat mo’ng maramdaman.”

“Hayaan mo ko, alam ko kunga no’ng mali at tama… I’m sorry. Just trust me…” Pero nagulat ako ng bigla siya’ng bumangon at bumitaw sa akin. “Hmm, baki–” nalilito ko siya’ng tinignan. “Saan ka–”

“Don’t want to sleep with you, sorry,” he lowered her head, he didn’t look at me. “Just forget everything.”

“Sa–” I still couldn’t finish speaking as he quickly turned her back on me and left the room with the two of us.

“Uhh …” I just stared at the door where she came out earlier. “Tangina”

Shewill stay away from me forever, what should I do? can I explain to him everything? when I explain will something happen? will anything change? What?

Sobra’ng inis ko binato ko ang unan sa tabi ko, nakakainis hindi ko alam kung saan ako maiinis kung sa sarili ko ba o sa kanya kasi hindi niya ako maintindihan. Ang tanga ko ba talaga? Ano ba;ng nangyayari sa akin hindi naman ako ganito noon.

I just want to let her know how I feel but he avoids it?

O sadya’ng mabilis lang ako? Sadyang nagmamadali? Pero hindi eh, ’di ko makita sa sarili ko na nagmamadali ako. Maingat na maingat ako’ng naghihintay at nagpaparamdam.

Bakit ganito

Chapter 36

This is the last chapter of David’s P.O.V, David’s P.O.V in Chapter 17 and 18.

Next chapter is will be the new chapter of their story. Thank you for reading.

David

I still have not stopped even thought she always avoids and drives me away, even though I look more stupid for her I will not be able to stop. Alam ko sa sarili ko na wala’ng masama sa ginagawa ko.

I immediately chased her away and he walked away from me.

“Agu, kausapin mo na–” naputol ang sasabihin ko ng mabilis niya ako’ng nilingon. 

I don’t know if even her cousins ​​are already looking at the two of us. I will not be able to stop. I don’t want to stop. “Bakit ayaw mo ko–”

Hindi ko na alam kung ano’ng mararamdaman ko, nasasaktan na ako sobra. Ang layo-layo na niya sa akin ngayon. Tuluyan na siya’ng umiiwas at nilalayuan ako.

I looked at her even though I did not want to look into his eyes. I don’t want to show her that I’m hurting, that I’m hurting so much.

I stopped walking as I reflected on her.

“What do you not understand?” she asked me, I still got to think and have something to say to her.

“I told you, I’ll fix it.” I know what I’m doing I don’t fix because I keep chasing him, I keep on her and I don’t want to go away. Pinigilan ko ang nararamdaman ko ng ilang buwan, ilang buwan ako’ng nabaliw kaya gagawin ko lahat para makita niya at maintindihan niya.

I will do everything just to see her change me, she just sees that I am okay even if she just doesn’t love me.

“Hindi kita maintindihan, David.” I was stunned and surprised. I don’t know, I don’t really know but I do it for us.

What should I do? where do i start?

Or do we just not understand each other? She could not understand me and I could not.

“David, you know you’re just confused.” No I’m not, I’m not confused how long I stayed with her feeling.

I am not confused and mistaken for whatever she thinks and especially how I feel.

I’m not confused, I shook so she would know I was never confused.

“Namimiss mo lang si Leigh at mas lalo’ng hindi ako si Leigh, David tigil mo na ’to’ng ginagawa mo.” hindi ko gusto’ng itigil, ipapaliwanag ko lahat ng nararamdaman ko para sa kanya.

That’s all I can do now, to explain to everyone because I know she’s in trouble too.

I’m having a hard time too.

“Agustina, hindi.” akma’ng lalapit na ako pero pinigilan niya ako’ng makalapit sa kanya.What else can I do? let’s just be nice, we can both understand what each other is feeling and thinking. I want the two of us to understand each other. “Makinig ka muna sa aki–”

Umiling siya kaagad. “At ano’ng ipapaliwanag mo? Ano? Kapag tinatanong kita. Kita’ng-kita ko sa’yo na hindi ko alam kung ano’ng sasabihin at gagawin!” sigaw niya sa akin.

I swallowed, struggling and begging him to look at me.

“Go back to Leigh and don’t bother me anymore.” she looked at me badly. “Don’t like you, David. Stay away from me.”

Damn it.

Tinalikuran niya ako, tinalikuran nanaman niya ako at muli ako’ng iniwan na nag-iisa kung saan nanaman niya ako nakasama at iniwan.

I can endure, I can persevere I will make hee feel what I want to make. I will not be able to force because I love him, I love her very much. I looked down until I heard the door close where she came out.

I was left alone again.

I sat quietly at the bar counter, I did not associate with her cousins. I feel like the more I get hurt, the more I get hurt.

I no longer know what to do, what else to do. It should be fine, we can both understand.

Even though I feel so wet that my eyes immediately rub it, I do not want to bring what I feel, I do not want to cry.

I had a hard time sighing, my chest tightening while holding back tears.

I hope Leigh is here, I only want Leigh to talk to me in this situation because I know he will understand me better.

I have nothing to understand everything…

Hindi na nga ako kailanman kinausap ni Agustina, hindi na niya ako magawa’ng tignan manlang, hindi niya magawa’ng tanungin kung ayos lang ba ako, kung ano’ng nangyayari na sa akin.

I am ready to explain everything to him, I will understand because that is what I want to do, that is the right thing to do for everyone.

“Yes, Son?” smiling Mrs. said to me. Del Mundo. I want her husband to talk to them about everything I feel for her son. I want to say.

“I know I’m fast but I think about everything I feel.” they all looked at me, Yes they were all with Agustina’s cousins.

“I know I’m wrong per–”

“I’m not numb, David” I was stunned by what Mrs. Del Mundo she looked at me with a small smile on hee face “I see and there is nothing wrong with what you did,”

“Huh?” Mr. Del Mundo and touched his wife. “Ano? Wala ako’ng maintindihan” dagdag pa na sabi niya.

“Mahal ko po si Agustina…” nagbaba ako ng tingin “Una pala’ng, alam ko na po’ng may pagtingin ako sa anak n’yo…” kinakabahan ako’ng nag-angat ng tingin lalo na kay Tito Reynaldo. “Ang bilis ko po’ng makaramdam, ang bilis ko’ng mahalin si Agustina…” I almost looked back at everyone in the house, I was restless, I did not know where else I could speak in front of his parents.

“I understand Agustina if she doesn’t understand me and she can’t accept how I feel.” I held my two hands tightly.

“I’m hurt … because I can’t help but feel how I feel.” I stopped for a moment as if I was going to explode with the excessive force of the beating of my chest. “Leigh and I are gone … we are both confused and I prefer to understand how I feel for my wife …”

Tito still doesn’t speak, he just looks at me as if confused too. “I’m sorry, Tito, I know you can’t–”

“Uh … no … I was just shocked.” he touched his nape as if someone else was thinking and hesitating.

“Kahit naguguluhan ako, kahit naduduwag po ako tinggap ko at inintindi kung ano ’yung nararamdaman ko para sa kanya.” napalunok ako ng malalim. “Kasi eto po ’yung gusto ko pero sa gusto ko malalayo lang sa akin si Agustina…”

“It’s not wrong” Tita caressed her chin looking at me. “There is nothing wrong with how you feel even though you were the first one to fall for you two, my son.”

He turned to Tito “What can you say, hon?” she asked. Napatingin naman sa akin si TIto hindi niya alam kung ano’ng sasabihin niya.

“Sorry kung hindi ka maintindihan ng anak namin.” si Tita naman ang nilingon ko nakita ko kung paano siya umiling ng umiling sa mga sinasabi ko. “Sorry kung nasasaktan kana…”

Tipid ako’ng ngumiti kay Tito, Pagdating naman kay Agustina naiintindihan ko naman lahat. Basta para sa kanya iintindihan ko lahat at kakayanin ko lahat kasi gusto’ng-gusto ko siya ingatan.

Tito touched my shoulder at the same time his hand went up to my face he caressed it so somehow I smiled and felt comfortable.

“I hope even though it is difficult and painful that you still will not change the way you look at our child …” I suppressed my emotions in front of them.

“O-Opo…sobra’ng mahal ko po ang anak ninyo, Tito.”

“It’s nice, I hope she likes it …” I smiled as I looked at the necklace I bought to give to Agustina.

I can still smile bitterly because until now I am still hurt because she was not able to choose me for Travis, she went with Travis the day we almost fought outside the company.

I don’t want to accept that she likes Travis more than me because I know she likes me too.

I know that, I already know. She also feels for me.

Joshua did not speak until we got out of the shop. I know they feel sorry for me but I want to continue, I do not know when I will move for her but I will do it anyway.

Even though I still look stupid in Agustina’s eyes.

“Are you … really sure?” even though I was hurt I smiled at Joshua’s question.

“Yes … hmm … just take me home first … then pick up Agustina and take her to–”

“Tangina naman, David, nasasaktan ka na gusto mo pa’ng ihatid ko si Agustina sa date nila ni Travis.” hinigit niya ang kwelyo ng damit ko. “Huwag ka naman–”

“Nagmumukha na ako’ng tanga pero wala na ’yun sa akin…” hinawakan ko ang mga kamay niya’ng nakahawak sa kwelyo ng damit ko. Because I just love, I love Agustina so I am like this, I love her very much. Even if I look stupid to others I will still do what I want.

“I’m sorry … just let me go.” I smiled bitterly at him. Gagawin ko pa din ’to kahit ikasakit ko pa lalo. Kahit palahgi pa ako’ng umiyak at magdusa tuwing makikita ko sila’ng magkasama ayos lang sa akin.

He tightened his grip on my clothes, if he wanted to punch me I would be even happier eh just in case what he wanted came true.

“Tangina, David” I bumped to the car’s door as he pushed me away.

I adjusted my seat and adjusted my clothes as well. Wala eh, eto lang ako. Gusto ko’ng magpakatanga. Hindi ko na narinig pa’ng nagsalita si Joshua pero naririnig ko ang mga buntong hininga niya na puno’ng-puno ng galit.

“Totoo nga talaga ’yung sinabi ni Cris…” simula ko. “Na kailanagan ko pala talaga’ng lumaban at sumuko minsa…” para ako’ng bata na nagsusumbong at nagsasabi sa magulang.

“T-Tangina…” tinakpan ko ng mga kamay ko ang mukha ko dahil nagsisilabasan nanaman ang luha sa mga mata ko, nagsisimula nanaman ako’ng makagawain ang ayaw ko. “i-it’s hurts so much but I can’t let go … I-I want to fight even though I have no fight …” my chest tightened as I spoke and cried. “I’m not tired, I-I have no c-carry because of the t-things he says.”

“N-Nasasaktan na ako pero ’di ko magawa’ng bumitaw…” nagpatuloy ako sa pag-iyak. Because I can’t control it anymore, I always can’t hold back my tears from what is happening to me.

I’m crying because I’m hurting, I’m crying I’m still fighting even though I don’t have to fight Travis. Because I have no fight, I can do something but that will not be enough because I am not what he wants and I will not be the one she chooses.

A few months later in the past months I did not stop I showed her everything even though she liked someone else and Travis liked her too. I admitted that and insisted that he choose me.

But no … I can’t really force it.

I was really determined to make her mine.

“I never thought I would cry … this is my birthday…” I was able to hold on tightly to my clothes because my chest was tight. “I want to see her now but she has something more important to go …”

“Baka kahit ako hindi ko matanggap din nawala siya mamaya…”

I slowly wiped away my tears even though I still wanted to cry and cry even though I knew the pain I was feeling would not be reduced.

“Come to me,” I looked at Joshua as he faced me. “I know it’s not good what has been between us since then but come ..”

My lips trembled even more and there were tears in my eyes again.

“J-Joshua …” my voice trembled.

He finally came to me and hugged me, the hug that even though I didn’t hear him, he was still there.

Comforting…

My face was crying and sinking into his shoulder while I was still crying, I cried even more and I had no intention of stopping.

“Just cry….just cry to me.” I felt his caress on my back and on my hair. “I’m sorry….sorry for everything that is happening …” I cried and cried on his shoulder I clung to him tightly because of the feeling or, I feel so full of everything.

Maybe I’m still hurting myself, maybe I’m so stupid to this things …

It’s wrong to fall inlove with her? It’s wrong?

Then why?

“I-I can’t accept this …” he hugged me tighter. “I-I love her… why l-lke this … w-why can’t I get the person I want.”

“Masyado na ba a-ako’ng nagiging t-tanga?”

“G-Gusto ko’ng mahalin niya ako, ’yung a-ako lang…”

“Dave” Joshua called to me as we got out of the car and walked towards the house.

“Why?” I put my arm around him immediately. “What is that? What do you want? I’ll get it back”

“Here …” nababa ang tingin namin pareho sa nilabas niya’ng kahon na maliit. “Regalo ko sa’yo…” hinawakan niya ako. “Happy nineteen birthday.” I couldn’t help but smile at the gift he gave me, I let him go and accepted his gift.

A silver bracelet popped up on me as I opened the box. Smiling I looked at him.

“I don’t know what you want so I just gave you that…” Kinuha ko ang bracelet at dahan-dahan na sinuot sa pulsuhan ko. Smiling I look at that because the nice thing matters to me. “Thank you …” I held him by the shoulder. “It’s nice, I love it.”

“Happy birthday again” he messed up my hair. “I will fetch Agustina …” the way he looked at me was ruined. “Do you really want me to pick her up and take her on their date?”

Dahan-dahan ako’ng tumango at ngumiti sa kanya kahit ’di ko siya kumbinsido. “Ikaw ng bahala sa kanya ha? Ingatan mo, kaibigan ka niya.” Hindi pa din siya nagsalita nakatingin lang siya sa akin. “Ayos lang ako, sunduin mo na siya…”

He pushed me slightly “Why do you have to say you’re okay even if you don’t” he immediately turned his back on me and got in the car.

“Because I can’t do anything if I just say I’m okay …” I whispered to myself and followed his car until it disappeared from my sight. “I want this, I have no right to complain …”

“David. Happy birthday !!!” Abby shouted when the party started this afternoon. Some visitors who see us laugh.

Hee cousins ​​immediately grabbed me, as well as Joshua who almost pulled me just arrived today. “Tara, picture tayo” kumapit sa akin si Valerie at Maya. Inakbayan naman kami nina Joshua.

“Ang gwapo mo, David” kinurot ni Maya ang pisngi ko. “Happy birthday, nasa table ’yung regalo namin sa’yo. Tignan mo mamaya ha”

“Oo naman, thank you” They did not part with me, I laughed as I talked to some guests I almost knew because they were Mommy’s friends.

“You’re a young man” Tito Benedict touched my hair and caressed Tito Giovanni as well. “Lalo ka’ng naging gwapo.” nagtawanan kami ang hilig talaga nila’ng puriin. “Ikaw ang ninong sa magiging anak namin ha?”

Natuwa ako kaagad. :Mag-aapon na kayo, Tito? Sige po, ninong ako“

“Oo, babae saka lalaki” si Tito Giovanni.

I have been waiting for them to adopt and have a child for a long time, because I really want to be their godfather.

“How about you, Hijo? Where’s your wife?” I was silent, they were looking for Agustina but he did not come here now.

I know she won’t really go.

“I will work especially, I will go to Finland to help with our business.”

“Of course, you’re good at handling business, your Daddy said, improve it” Tito hugged me. “When you need something don’t be ashamed to tell us your uncle huh?”

“Opo,Thank you po” humalik ako sa kanila bago sila tuluyang lumapit sa pwesti nina Daddy na nakikihalo sa ilang bisita na naroon. Ako naman ay bumalik sa pwesto namin kanina.

Pagbalik ko si Joshua lang ang nakita ko sa table dahil sina Maya ay nagsasayawan sa gitna kasabay nila si Cris na nakikisali na sa kanila ngayon. Joshua and I hit each other’s eyes immediately I saw he was even more surprised.

“You did not join them?” I asked while still looking at them in the middle.

“No, I’m waiting for you to come here. That’s it.”

I looked at her as if I had changed from him because he was restless looking at me. “Uh..” may nilabas siya’ng isa’ng kahon.

“Wow, ano ’yan? Regalo mo ulit sa akin?” lumapit ako sa kanya at tinignan ang kahon na nilabas niya. “Ano ’yan?” nakangiti’ng sambit ko.

“Galing kay Agustina…” I lost my smile a little even though I was happy with what I heard, the gift he holds now comes from Agustina.

“Gift … Happy birthday daw…” He especially showed me the small box. “I want him to come now because the guests almost ask me where she is but she just apologizes to me.”

I couldn’t help but smile as I opened the gift she had given me.

“Is this really her gift?”

“Yes, that was really a gift from her”

I saw a silver necklace opening the box, the only difference was that there was a D engraved on it. I slowly picked up and looked.

The first time I received her like this, I was so happy because I thought he would really do nothing for me. Even if it’s just now, I’m so happy.

“I like it, Josh, it’s so nice.” I caressed the necklace I had received and was still smiling.

“You’re so happy” I nodded immediately to him.

“Oo naman, galing ’to kay Agustina…” Tumingin ako sa kanya “Pwede mo ba ’to’ng isuot sa akin? Gusto ko na isuot” He nodded quietly and accepted the necklace, I turned around immediately. “Josh, I’m so happy” I didn’t hear him say a word, until he put the necklace on me.

I grabbed the necklace that was already worn around my neck. “Where did Agustina buy it?”

“Where did you also buy a necklace for her.” I immediately took out the necklace I had bought.

“You just have to give it to her …” I smiled even though he still didn’t want to accept. “This is the last thing I want you to do … give it to my wife”

“Please …”

“And … let’s go to Agustina.” he would have spoken more in case I pulled him.

“Dave, hahanapin ka ng mga bisita–”

“Mabilis lang tayo, Bro” tinutulak ko siya papasok ng kotse dahil ayaw niya talaga’ng pumasok. “Sige na, titigna–”

“Masasaktan ka lang kapag pumunta pa tayo–”

“Palagi naman ako’ng nasasaktan susulitin ko na aalis na din naman ako dito.” Nanahimik siya habang tintignan ako. “Pumasok ka na, ako na ang magdadrive”

He pointed to me where he had delivered Agustina, as soon as the car stopped he forced me to smile as I watched Travis and Agustina laughing while eating.

That immediately came to me when we parked the car opposite.

“I told you we shouldn’t go” he did not look at Agustina, he just looked at me. “It’s late, Dave–”

“It’s still early … the party will end later.” I did not take my eyes off Agustina in case I became aware of what she was saying that she would never like me. I really can’t believe he didn’t feel anything for me at all.

“Lalo lang mo lang sinasaktan ang sarili mo.” hinarangan niya ang pigura nina Agustina sa Restuarant kaya wala na ako’ng makita kundi ang mukha niya. “Please naman”

I immediately looked down and did not answer what he said, I can no longer answer him because it is true.

“I hope Agustina is just as happy with me … I’m the only one with her, I’m just the one she chose” I gripped the steering wheel tightly. “I hope so”

“Kaibigan ko si Agustina pero kung hindi niya magagawa’ng alagaan nararamdaman mo kami mag-aalaga sa’yo, makinig ka naman umuwi na ta–”

“Baka kasi hindi ko nanaman siya makita…ilang buwan ko na siya’ng hindi na kikita dahil hindi na kami nagsasama sa iisa’ng bahay, hayaan mo na lang ako.”

“Ngayon ko lang siya ulit nakita. Hindi ko na siya nakakasama” I leaned over so I could see Agustina again coming out of the Restuarant, smiling I sighed when Travis touched her.

I always dreamed that I would always be that way. I’m just Travis, my wife is just happy with me.

“Let’s follow.” Josh didn’t look at me for what I said. I started the car again and followed Agustina to where she was going.

Tama si Joshua, gabi na nga talaga at kita’ng-kita na ang maganda’ng kalawakan. Napating ako sa buwan habang tinitignan din nina Agustina. Although it hurts I am happy for both of them. I am happy even though Agustina is not happy with me.

“The galaxy is beautiful…” I did not realize that my tears were already dripping as I watched Travis kiss and hug the person I love. How the person I love also touches her.

“The galaxy is beautiful, Josh, isn’t it beautiful?” I bit my lip while still crying looking at the two of them.

The pain of seeing Agustina fit in Travis’ arm, she was so fine.

“David, let’s go home … please … let’s go home …” Joshua held me “If you can’t I will drive–”

“No, I can still …” I couldn’t stop crying even though I wiped my face. “I can do it”

Joshua could only hear me moaning and crying as I drove home. Although I do not want to go home I go home.

I found Tito Reynaldo outside, he was staring straight at his phone as if waiting for something.

“David?” I immediately wiped my face “I thought you were inside, where did you go?” Tumango-tango lang ako kay Tito at nagmamadaling pumasok dahil wala’ng tigil ang mga luha ko.

“Nagpasama lang po si David” narinig ko si Joshua.

I leaned against the garden of the mansion, I stayed there even though it was cold and I was not feeling well and crying. Iniwasan ko’ng makita ako ni Joshua dahil alam ko’ng susundan lang niya ako.

I sat on the grass while crying, I covered my face and all I could do was cry.

It hurts a lot but I only add to it.

My chest and lips were shaking and tightening. I just want to cry cry, I just want to. I wish Leigh was here, I wish she was here.

I need Leigh but she is far away, I only receive calls and voice messages from her. I miss talking to her … especially when this happens to me,

“I-I love you so much, A-Agustina … why not m-me?” sinubsob ko ang mukha sa mga tuhod ko. It hurts more when I only talk to myself, the one I comfort, I only have myself … always.

I stayed behind the mansion and did not go inside, I also wanted to greet Agustina and thank her for the gift she gave me. I held the necklace tightly, I wanted to see her, to see she was not with Travis.

The guests are coming out and coming home but I still have not shown them, I do not want to show I do not want to face that I look like this. So pitiful.

Wala ako’ng mukha’ng maihaharap.

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa paligid ng marinig ko’ng wala ng mga bisita pa sa bahay at lumalabas. Tinignan ko ang labas ng bahay naroon pa din si Tito Reynaldo, patingin-tingin pa din siya sa phone niya at alam kung si Agustina ang hinahanap niya.

I looked at my knees again, I could not think of anything else to do, I could not feel anything. I also really need to keep quiet. To understand everything too much.

I have to think about everything especially when I see him later, I have something to say for my silence.

I understand but I can not accept. I am not quiet …

I got up when I heard a car stop in front of the house, Agustina got out of the car. I watched them without emotion until Travis’ car left.

“Dad …” she called to Tito as he greeted him when she approached. “I’m sorry … I’m late …” I lowered my gaze to my hands, I didn’t want to have a look I just wanted to listen.

“I understand you … I see you can’t really choose David …” I also listened to Tito Reynaldo with what she had to say, I knew even though I was confused I knew they understood me.

I accept that Agustina will never be able to understand me. Wala lang ako sa kanya at ramdam ko ’yun.

“And I see in David he can choose you over those you do not choose him …”

“Dad, hindi ko talaga kaya…ayaw na ayaw ko. Si Travis..” Alam ko, kita’ng-kita ko nga kaya mas lalo ako’ng nasasaktan eh. Lalo lang ako’ng nagdadagdag ng sakit sa sarili ko.

“Alam ko, Anak…kaya nga masakit para sa asawa mo.” I feel sorry for myself but I still want to prove to Agustina, I don’t have it at all.

“D-Dad, hindi ko po alam… ang bilis ni David..kaya hindi ako makapaniwala sa mga sinasabi niya.”

“He told me everything…” tumango si Daddy “Nabigla ako…kasi totoo namang mabilis..”

We will not understand each other until I say what happened to Leigh and me, that without us, we would never have been. ’Wala namang mali.. Wala ako’ng nakikita’ng mali ko’ng mabilis siya’ng nahulog…nakaramdam…“

Si Leigh, Dad…nasaktan niya si Leigh at doon lang ako nag-iisip…“ the pain I was feeling increased even more because he didn’t really know me, Leigh was really what he was thinking at these times.

My idiot because I can’t tell her everything.

“Masakit isipin kay David na si Leigh pa ang iniitindi mo kesa sa kanya..” I opened my mouth to what Tito said, I didn’t think he could say that. ’I want David too for you, Anak…He’s your husband.“

“I don’t like him, Daddy. Siguro naawa lang ako sa kanya.” I wiped the tears from my eyes, maybe I’ll just accept. I’ll just accept it even if I don’t really accept it.

She just felt sorry for me … it hurts to hear. Lumabas ako sa pinagtataguan ko makita ko lang siya. “Ayos lang na maawa ka sa akin.” puno’ng-puno ng peke’ng ngiti ang ibinigay ko sa kanya ng makita niya ako.

“I-I can accept you just feel sorry for me …” nanginginig ang mga labi ko. I walked closer to her, I was still happy to see and I was still very excited when I saw her.

“I-I’m glad to see you again …” hindi pa din natatanggal ang ngiti ko para sa kanya. Makita lang niya’ng masaya ako kasi nagkita kami ulit. Nakita ko nanaman siya.

“Y-You know …I liked your gift …” hinawakan ko ang necklace na suot ko. Nakatingin lang din siya sa akin. “I really like it, Agu…” I felt so much pain in my chest as I spoke in front of her. Because I know this is the last one to say and I will beg her for everything that happens.

“I still can’t accept, Wifey …” dagdag ko nanaman. Wala siya’ng masasabi, wala na din siya’ng dapat pa’ng sabihin. I hold back my tears. Of how I feel. “I-I’m trying my best … for you … but you really liked someone else. Yung pinagseselosan ko pang tao.” Ayoko talaga’ng tanggapin. Hindi ko kaya.

“Gusto’ng-gusto kita, alam ko’ng ayaw mo ’yung sinaktan ko si Le–” Nagkasakitan kami pero hindi ganito’ng paraan eh. Hindi ’yung ganito.

“David, talaga ba’mng intindi mo si Leigh? Ayoko ng gul–”

“Alam ko”

I just think to myself, I just feel“ inabot ko ang kamay niya, hinawakan ko ng maayos. “I put up with it, I can always cope. I don’t bother anymore … because I just don’t want to see you avoid me and walk away …”

I tried to breathe properly and hold back my tears, my lips were shaking too, I didn’t want her to feel sorry for me especially for what I was saying. I don’t want her to feel worse.

“It’s hard for me, I want to be with you but you want someone else …” I kept crying, I cried for her again. I can no longer cope. “I don’t want to cry … but I can’t be accepted … so maybe I’m hurting because I can’t accept … I will never be able to.” I have never received anything before. Nothing …

I just cried at her as he just stared at me, saying nothing and incomprehensible. “Because even if I accept it, I still think that I should be the only one you choose, I am the only one you want.” humawak ako ng mahigpit sa kanya. “Ako sana ’yung kasama mo…ako sana ’yung dahilan kung bakit ka masaya.”

Sana ako na lang…sana ako na lang ’yung mahal mo, sana ako na lang…

“I still hope even when there is no hope”  I can hear the heartbeat of the two of us, I can’t help but cry when I hear hers even though I’m not the one beating then

“But … atleast … somehow you gave me something, even if it’s just your gift I’m happy …” I smiled at her again. Because I am really happy with what he gave. “And … I’m happy because I see you again ..”

Wala na ako’ng gugustuhin pa, makita ko lang siya palagi. “Sorry…H-Happy birthday…” sabi niya.

“Thank you..” lumapit ako sa kanya at humalik sa noo niya. “Sobra’ng saya ko na dito…”

“Are you okay?” kahit ako ’yung hindi okay. Malaman ko lang kung ano’ng nararamdaman niya. “It’s okay, I’m always okay … You’re the only one I care about … especially not me … the one you’re with …” hindi siya sumasagot, tanging mahigpit nahawak lang sa coat ni Travis ang ginagawa niya.

Naalagaan niya si Agustina, ako hanggang tingin na lang.

I remained bent over because I could not hold back my tears, I just cried crying in front of her.

Because I don’t know, as long as I’m hurting, I’m just hurting more. “A-Ang dami ko’ng g-gusto’ng sabihin…” bahagya ako’ng tumigil “Pero w-wala ako’ng karapatan…” humawak ako sa kanya muli ng sobra’ng higpit. “Even though it hurts … I put up with it because I really like you …” Hindi magbabago ’yung nararamdaman ko.

“I-I know I can … but when I see you happy with him I get weak”

“Hindi ko kailanman matatanggap na hindi ka sa akin…”

“Kailangan mo, David…” Mahinahong sambit niya sa akin, aasahan ko naman ;yun kasi pa hindi okay sa akin.

“G-Gusto ko’ng ipilit kahit magmukha na ako’ng tanga…g-gusto ko’ng gawin kahit alam ko’ng magagalit ka sa akin…” nararamdaman ko na lang ang pinanghahawakan ko ngayon. Ramdam na ramdam ko. “Agustina, Totoo lahat ng nararamdaman ko at sinasabi…maniwala ka naman o.” As much as I can beg, I want him to insist and understand.

I will insist even if she just doesn’t have it. Umiling siya ng umiling at pilit na tinggal ang mga kamay ko na nakahawak sa mga kamay niya. Wala na ba talaga?

“Hindi, Hindi, David. Please ’wag mo nang ipilit pa.” umatras siya at pinipigilang lumapit ako sa kanya. Umiiyak pa din ako, wala ako’ng balak na tumigil.

“Hindi mo ba ako pwede’ng piliin? Agu naman…” tanong ko sa kanya kahit alam ko na ang magiging sagot. Ipagpipilitan ko pa din na may nararamdaman siya para sa akin, kasi naramdaman ko.

“Hindi! Pwede ba , David tumigil kana, ’Wag ka nang lumapit pa sa akin!” sigaw niya, mas lalo ako’ng nasaktan sa paraan ng pagsigaw niya.

“Seryoso ako! Please piliin mo naman ako, Ako na lang…” ako na lang, Agustina, ako na lang. Pakiusap naman. The more I saw the pity in her eyes for me, the pain of seeing only pity he felt for me.

“No, I can’t choose you. Can’t you see everything I do? It never occurred to me to choose you.”

I was stunned, I was stunned by what she said because it was true that I crushed myself even more. I bit my lip so hard and my eyes watered even more.

Not possible, not really

I shook my head in front of her. I know he loves me too. “No, that’s not true, Agustina. I never believe you never saved your mind that you did not choose me.” patuloy pa din ako sa pag-iling. “Alam ko’ng hindi ’yan totoo…”

“Totoo…Ang manhid mo para hindi mo maramdaman.” Tangina, hindi ’yun totoo alam ko’ng mahal mo din ako. May nararamdaman ka din sa akin.

“Please, Agustina, Choose me please…” umiling siya at pinipigilan ko.

“Hindi…”

“I am your husb–”

Daddy stopped me but I ignored her. I don’t like it because I know what Agustina is saying is not true.

“Agustina, Please I do everything. Please I will be good ..” you said resolutely to him and tried to reach him. ’Hindi ako magkakaganito kung hindi totoo ang mga nararamdmaan ko…“

“Please, stop. I will never love you. I don’t like you” sambit niya “Ayoko sa’yo, sana maintindihan mo…” Binalot kami ng katahimikan. I was silent, I looked into his eyes that were not really for me, I just felt sorry for what I saw.

“I’m sorry… I understand..I understand…” eto na lang. Hanggang dito na lang siguro ako. Hindi ko na kukulitin pa ang mga dapat mangyayari. Kaagad akong sumakay sa kotse ko kahit pa hinahabol ako ni Mommy.

I can no longer cope, I want to stay away from here. I want. For somehow I can escape the pain I feel. Eto ’yung huli’ng pagkikita namin na sana maging masaya na siya, maging masaya na siya kasi wala na ako.

Hindi na niya ako mararamdmam pa.

Chapter 37

Agustina

“Ninang! Ninang!” Kaagad ako’ng napatingin sa inaanak ko na si Hailey, nagtatakbo papalapit sa akin habang hawak ang laruan niya’ng barbie. “Ninang!”

Sinalubong ko siya, tinaas niya kaagad ang mga kamay niya na para ba’ng nagpapabuhat.

“Hi, Agu” bumungad sa akin si Maya kasama ang asawa niya’ng si Vlad. “Pasensya na gusto ka’ng makita ni Hailey.” Ngumiti ako sa kanila at kaagad ko namang pinaghahalik ang inaanak ko.

“Ang laki mo na talaga, Baby” nakangiti’ng sambit ko habang buhay at hinihimas ko siya.

“Baby pa din po…ako” tinaas niya ang laruan niya at pinakita sa akin.

“Saan pala si Joshua, Agu?” Tanong ni Vlad at kumuha ng bake ko’ng cake cup.

“Umalis, nagpunta siguro ’yun sa alaga niya sa Vet” sambit ko at hinalikan nanaman si Hailey. “Iniwan kasi niya dun,” Nakisali si Maya sa asawa niya sa pagkain ng binake ko, napatingin ako sa kanila’ng dalawa. “Wala na ba’ng susunod dito?”

“Ano ba, kumakain ako” Sita sa akin ni Maya at sinamaan ako ng tingin. Si Vlad naman ay inakbayan ang asawa niya. “Isa ka din, Vlad tigilan mo ko” Vlad and I both laughed at Maya’s complaint to us. “But if there is next time, there will be next” she ate a cupcake while Vlad and I were still laughing. Maya still looks innocent even though she is married.

“Nasaan ba mga pinsan natin, halos wala’ng nagpapakita ano’ng oras na” Lumabas kami ng kusina at sa counter naman tumambay, buhat ko pa din si Hailey habang nakikipagkwentuhan sa kanya.

“Hayaan mo parating na sila, hintayin na lang natin.”

“Ilang taon na lumipas mga late pa din sila.” Reklamo nanaman ni Maya kaya pinagtawanan siya ng asawa niya.

“Para’ng ikaw hindi ka nalalate.”

“Hindi talaga ako nalalate, ang aga ko nga kanina ginising pa kita,”

Yes, Six years later, our cousins’ habits have not changed, especially when it comes to work here at the bakeshop. They are always up to date no matter what I update them.

In six years I did nothing but work to work here at the bakeshop and in the company. I did nothing but get Mommy back everything especially once they were out of town because of business. I will just do what they left behind.

“A few years later nothing has changed for all of us.” Smiling I played Hailey.

“I never thought your cousin would be my wife” Maya slapped her husband. “Because you know she’s always hot-tempered”

“Your bully can do that” Maya said and pinched his cheek. Tumawa ako sa kulitan nila’ng mag-asawa. Mula noon hanggang ngayon wala sila’ng pinagbago nag-aasaran pa din sila.

“But in six years you’ve been even better, Agu.” Maya held me. “You’ve changed a lot” I smiled at him.

“I also need to change” hinalikan ko si Hailey sa pisngi na siya’ng kinangiti niya habang nilalaro ang mukha ko. “Ayoko nang matulad sa nakaraan…” nanahimik sila’ng mag-asawa habang nagsasalita ako. “Madami na ding nangyari.”

“I want to be a better person”

“Hi, Good morning” napatingin kami sa kakapasok lang ng shop na si Cristal at Cris. I immediately smiled at who was with Cristal she was holding. Olivia was holding her and smiling she also looked at me as they walked closer to us.

I also did a lot for the two of them then, how they got along and met again. I still remember Cristal crying when I gave her what Olivia was giving her. Nothing has ever changed I have never seen Cristal angry with Olivia, I have never seen her angry. She still loves Olivia until now.

“Good morning” humalik sa akin sina Cris at tumingin ako kay Olivia ng siya naman ang hahalik sa akin. “Good morning, Olivia”

“Good morning” masaya niya ako’ng niyakap kahit hawak ko pa din si Hailey. Bumitaw siya sa akin ng abutan sila ni Vlad ng cupcake na gawa ko. “Ang sarap mo pa din gumawa.”

“Oo nga, madami ka pa ba’ng ginawa?” si Cris na nilalantakan ang dalawa’ng hawak niya’ng cupcake.

“Meron pa.”

“Kuya, ang dami mo’ng kinakain.”

“Ikiss mo na lang si Kuya” ngumuso si Cris sa harapan ng kambal niya. “Kiss” lumapit kaagad si Cristal sa kanya at humalik ng tatlo’ng beses sa pisngi nito at yumakap.

“Aww, ang sweet naman” si Maya habang pinapalo sila’ng dalawa’ng magkapatid. “Tapos mamaya mag-away kayo ha?”

I turned to Olivia who was also laughing at the two of them, Vlad was next to her.

Vlad has been with our group since he said permission to us that he will court Maya, he is even afraid of Joshua and Cris but because he loves Maya he did everything.Hindi ko maiwasang matuwa kasi ginawa niya talaga lahat. Hangga’t sa napatunayan niya na kaya niya’ng maghintay.

“Olivia, when are you going to marry Cristal?” Vlad asked him. I used to think it was wrong for Vlad to have something like this with us. He is not openminded but I just thought that. He has almost treated us like brothers and sisters since he joined our group. He’s openminded person.

“Sa birthday niya…” ngumiti si Vlad “Sa birthday niya…gusto ko na siya’ng pakasalan.”

“Kuya naman!”

“Alam ko namang love mo ko, Cristal”

“Have you bought a ring yet?” I will ask. “Or anything?”

“Yes I bought something, last month.”

“Am I a photographer again?” Vlad asked with a smile “I will take care of everything, you can always count on me.” Vlad ruffled Olivia’s hair.

Many have also joined our cousin group, but nothing has changed almost everyone who enters us agrees immediately. “Thank you,” ngumiti si Olivia sa amin. “Huwag muna kayo maingay ha? Ikaw din, Vlad sa asawa mo.”

“Madaldal talaga ’yun kaya ako na bahala.”

We sat at the table while waiting for our other cousins. I do not know what other time they intend to go.

We all laughed and talked while eating. Sometimes it is transferred to Cris who until now has not had a girlfriend. He has been single for several years. Hindi nga din niya alam kung bakit wala siya’ng maging girlfriend.

“Baka wala talaga’ng para sa akin.” ngumunguso siya habang kumakain ng cupcake. Kanina pa wala’ng tigil kakakain. “Ayos lang para wala’ng problema. Namomoblema na nga ako sa inyo tapos dagdag pa ’yung akin.”

“Hayaan mo kuya, kapag matanda kana ako na lang mag-aalaga sa’yo” Si Cristal.

“Paano ba kasi magkagirlfriend? May girlfriend ka, Cristal baka gusto mo’ng turuan ako.” tumawa ng malakas si Cristal, natatawa ako kasi alam ko kung ano’ng ibig sabihin ni Cris.

“Turuan mo para magkagirlfriend na.” si Maya. “Hindi ’yung palagi’ng ikaw inaasar.”

“Mainlove ka sa bestfriend kuya, ganon ata ’yun.”

We all looked at Olivia, she laughed while drinking strawberry juice and just shaking her head because she knew that.

“Diba, love?” Cristal asked Olivia.

“Oo, magmahal ka ng bestfriend at ibigin mo ng tunay.”

“Paano kung ’di ako mahal?”

I was silent as I wondered if I had found out what Cris said earlier, I just looked at the strawberry juice I was drinking. I still can’t accept why everything suddenly disappeared. Am I still wasted especially since I didn’t really love him, or am I just scared because someone else will be hurt?

I never thought about what would happen to my relationship with Travis because he was already a family. I also have no hope if I continue to beg him.After that day, I never talked to him again. He is going to be a father and I can do nothing there. I can never give him a child … I can’t give that.

I cut off communication between the two of us even though I wanted to ask him why he did that to me, he said he loved me, he said he would take care of me, But he just left the country something else happened.

Even though it was painful, I accepted because I would not be quiet if I did not accept.

There are promises that are really broken no matter what you believe.

Kaya kahit masaktan lang ako ng masaktan at manatili sa mga bagay na magbibigay sa akin ng sakit. Mas minabuti ko na lang na ituon ang atensyon ko sa iba lalo na sa pagtatrabaho dahil iyon naman ang gusto ko’ng gawin noon pa. Madami na din ako’ng natanggap sa iba’t-iba’ng bansa sa business award, halos nanngunguna ang lahat sa amin.

But even my husband’s family I have never seen in business. I did not see and I was unable to communicate. Daddy had almost no communication with them. I am also unable to see their account on some social media.

Especially him, I didn’t even see his instagram account and twitter. I looked for someone else but I found nothing new.

He’s still my husband, we’re still married after all.

He left because I was cold, he left because I hurt him, he left because I was torturing him too much.He left but he still gave me what he gave me, I was still wearing our wedding ring.

Am I wrong that I did not choose him? I have no regrets that I loved Travis even though he just hurt me even though he did that to me.

I touched the necklace that David gave me … my husband gave it to me before he left. I caressed it while listening to the teasing of my companions. I can’t participate I think of him, I think of everything that happened to us before.

It’s been a years but I can’t forget, I can’t help but think because … I’m hurt.

What he said is true that he will not beg if everything he says is not true.

I don’t feel it because I lost Travis, I feel it because David is right I felt something for him but I did not admit it and I chose to forget because someone else will be hurt. Nagging magulo at mas pinili ang tama…pero hindi pala talaga ’yng pinili ko.

I’m still stupid.

“Agu?”

“Ah?” nilingon ko sila’ng lahat, napagtanto ko na nandito na pala sina Valerie at ang boyfriend niya na si Pert. “Nandito na pala kayo, Valerie” pinilit ko’ng ngumiti kahit nakakaduda ang kinikilos ko.

“Kanina pa kami nandito…” si Valerie na tinitignan ako. “Ang lalim ng iniisip mo kanina ka pa nami  tinatawag…”

“Sorry, may iniiisp lang ako.”

“May problema ba, Agu?” tanong ni Pert sa akin. “Pwede ka’ng magsabi sa amin.” I looked down again I did not know what to say but the amount I was thinking.

“Sorry, we just now” we looked at. Abby and Maxlene were walking towards us. Nangiti ako kasi kumpleto na kami. Si Joshua lang ang wala dahil dadaan pa siya kina Mommy pagkatapos puntahan ang alaga niya.

“Hello” bumati sila sa amin lalo na si Maxl. “Good morning”

’Good morning.“

“Dalawa na lang single sa atin, si Kuya saka si Joshua.” Tinapik ni Cristal ang kuya nang-aasar niya ito’ng tinignan. Umupo si Abby sa tabi ko at sa tabi naman niya ay si Maxl at Maya.

’So may dapa tayo—“

“Hello, bukas na ba to’ng store?” My mouth almost trembled at who the people were peeking at the door of the shop. We did not all speak because they also knew who we were seeing.

I swallowed and slowly stood up even though I did not want to move. Especially as I stared at the man holding the girl.

He was standing behind Leigh and when Leigh was next to him, he did not look up because he was playing with his 4-year-old child. Hindi ko matanggal ang tingin ko sa kanya. Ang laki ng pinagbago niya, madami siya’ng pinagbago.

He was wearing High waist pants and a black polo tshirt while his hair was almost perfectly combed. He looked so handsome.

“Daddy.” smiling at him as a child and kissing him.

Daddy?

I did not move from my position as I thought she had a child. Daddy? Does he already have a child with someone else? Kay Leigh?

“Hmm … Agustina, can we talk?” Leigh approached me. “It’s okay?” she turned to my cousins.

“It’s okay, Leigh.” Valerie and stood up. “We are not doing anything, I will also prepare for them to eat…” Valerie looked at me for a long time.

I still can’t speak, David has a son … Leigh will talk to me.

“Aya.” tinawag niya ’yung kasama nila’ng babae. “Si Aya, She’s my fiance…” I looked at her confused, I could not understand, what fiance? Are they not David? Who is the mother of David’s child?

“Fiance?” Confused Cristal said “She? How is David?”

“I will explain everything…” nilingon niya ako. “To you.”

Chapter 38

Agustina

Hindi nawala ang tingin ko kay David lalo na sa bata’ng hawak niya. Hindi niya kamukha siguro sa nakuha ng bata ang itsura ng ina at hindi kay Daddy.

“It’s been six years…noong nakilala ka niya. Hindi talaga namin mahal ang isa’t-isa ni David.” Tinignan ko si Leigh. “I will explain everything because I know he can’t do that.”

“Naguguluhan kami ni David noon, kasi alam ko sa sarili ko si Aya ’yung mahal ko. Oo ginamit ko si David kasi ’di kami tanggap ni Mommy…” humina ang boses niya. “Di kami tanggap ni Mommy ang relasyon namin ni Aya noon kaya pinilit ko kay David.”

“Pinilit ni David na wala siya’ng nararamdaman sa’yo kasi natatakot siya’ng husgahan ng mga dati niya’ng kaibigan.” Mapait na ngumiti si Leigh. “Alam mo naman siguro kung ano’ng dahilan kung bakit nawala sila ng mana sa kompanya nila diba? Ninakaw iyon ng mga kaibigan niya.”

My chest throbbed at what he was saying. “David loved his friends very much but what happened was that they betrayed him.” I looked at David at the other table, he was playing with the girl and he and Aya were talking. “A lot of people say that they don’t have good social media. He wants to accept that he likes you but he is preceded by fear and is still confused. You know … “I shifted my gaze as he stopped. “David received a lot of bad words when they found out that you are not a real woman, they hated David, they said that he was really desperate so you can stick with him.”

“Wala’ng taon na hindi nakita’ng nasasaktan si David sa mga kaibigan niya’ng iyon. Naguguluhan siya, naiinis siya sa sarili niya kasi nagtiwala siya at hanggang sa kung sino-sino na ’yung nadadamay.”

“Alam ko’ng hindi mo nagustuhan lahat ng sinabi ko noon. Naiintindihan ko si David eh, Hindi mo siya naiintindihan kasi alam mo lang nandidiri siya sa’yo…”

Napalunok ako. “So…in the first place…he immediately fall inlove to me?”

“Yes… at iyon ’yung ayaw mo.” I bit my lip. I could not help but be silent and hurt. “I told him everything, we stopped whatever was happening to us because we didn’t really love each other. I’m just confused and both are scared. “

“Takot kami pareho…pero wala namang mangyayari kung palago kami’ng matatakot na lang.” Naramdaman ko nag paghawal ni Abby sa kamay ko sa ilalim ng mesa.

“I told hin I had to help himself if he have really felt for you. I could see something going on and I could still see him scared. She caressed the glass opposite her. “he’s not fast, Agustina, just now he saw you and fell inlove. “

“He showed it to you after your wedding, didn’t he? Everything that David is telling me, we became bestfriends and I did not leave him … I am the only one who has him … “

“Pero hindi mo ’yun pinaniwalaan, dahil akala mo kami pa. ’Di ko alam kung bakit ’di niya magawa’ng magpaliwanag sa’yo sa lahat. Natatakot siya kasi baka siya husgahan mo din siya.”

“He said a lot, he adjusted a lot because he really loves you. He can’t let you go because he wants you to choose him. “ a small smile flashed across her lips. “A lot has changed in David since he loved you.”

Loved me … he loved me … yes he loved me

“I’m hurt because he’s hurt, Aya and I are crying, he was crying with her family the day he left here to go abroad.”

“He doesn’t want to let you go, Agustina even though he is already hurt. He will not accept that you did not choose him and loved him … “I slowly looked at David.

He did not even make a glance.

We are all silent, I have nothing to say, because you are the one who does not understand how he feels because I love someone else. With hurt.

I do not understand David because I thought not everything he felt was true.

I’m still really stupid.

“Y-Yung bata…” pinilit ko’ng hindi umiyak. Wala ako’ng karapatang umiyak dahil ako may kasalanan.

“David loves you more than you love Travis.” Nag-angat ako ng tingin.

hindi ko nagawa’ng intindihin noon. Hindi ko nagawa’ng intindihin si David.

“Alam naming wala na kayo ni Travis…” tumango siya ng bahagya. “Wala ako’ng narinig na kahit ano kay David nong nalaman namin iyon. Nalaman din namin na nagkaroon pala ng anak sa iba si Travis.”

“Tahimik lang siya…puro lang trabaho…”

“Hmm…” napahawak siya sa pisngi niya. “At iyong buhay ni Oliver, natagpuan namin iyon sa labas ng bahay nila noong nasa Finland kami…”

I immediately turned to David, he had no other relationship when he was abroad? Not really?

“The old man left us, the grandfather of the child. There is a letter that grandfather can no longer handle because he is old so he will just take care of others for her granddaughter. The mother also died when she was a child. “

“Tinuring anak ni David ’yang si Aleah. Hindi niya pinalitan ng apelyido. Aleah Griffin…her full name…”

“And tama ka kung ano ’yung iniisip mo.” Ngumiti siya sa akin. “Wala’ng iba’ng nakarelasyon si David noong nasa iba’ng bansa kami.”

“You and him are still married…” bahagyang lumapit at bumulong. “Nihindi n’yo nga tinapon at binitawan ang bigay ng isa’t-isa.”

Napahawak ako sa kwintas na ibinigay niya sa akin. Totoo, hindi ko nagawa’ng iaalis sa katawan ko ang kwintas.

“Anyway…” tinignan ko siya. “Ang sarap mo pala magbake.”

“Oliver.” Nataranta ako ng bigla niya’ng nilingon at tinawag si David sa kabila’ng table. “Ano’ng masasabi mo sa cupcake ng asawa mo? Masarap ba?”

What the? Bakit ganyan si Leigh

Nilingon kami ni Aleah at kumakaway kay Leigh.

“Masarap.” David replied as he wiped Aleah’s mouth. “Baby, I know you like that cupcake, eat first. Daddy is just here. “

“Aleah.” Aya calls the child. “Do you want to meet your Daddy’s wife?” Kinagat ko ang labi ko. Piangtitinginan na ako ng mga pinsan ko.

“Your wife is here, Daddy? “ Aleah asked and clung to David. “Daddy, I want to meet your wife so I can have Mommy again”

“Sobra’ng talino ni Aleah, pinaliwanag sa kanya ni David lahat. Mabuti na nga lang naintindihan niya.” Sambit ni Leigh. “David loves her so much…ang ganda din pala’ng makita si David na halos maging tatay.”

Hindi ko na alam kung saan ako titingin. Wala ako’ng narinig na kahit ano kay David, hindi siya nagsalita kaya tinignan ko siya.

Tumayo siya habang buhat-buhat si Aleah at masaya’ng masaya ito’ng nagsasalita sa kanya.

“Daddy, I have Mommy again.”  There was no time for me to smile at what the baby said. She is so beautiful and you can really see their race on her face.

“Yes, Baby …” even as he walked towards me, David was not able to look at me, he only looked at Aleah.

I slowly stood up as they stopped in front of me.

“Daddy, he’s your wife?” Aleah pointed at me while smiling “Daddy, your wife is beautiful.”

“Yes, She’s your Mommy.” Nakatingin lang ako kay David nakangiti lang kasi siya at nakatingin kay Aleah.

“Hi, Baby …” nakangiti’ng bati ko kay Aleah, hinihintay ko pa din na lingunin ako ni David.

“Mama, is she the daughter of Ninang Agustina?” I heard Hailey ask Maya. “Their child is beautiful, Mama”

“Mommy.” Humarap sa akin si Aleah at handa ng magpabuhat sa akin.

Lumakas ang kabog ng dibdib ko ng magtama ang paningin naming dalawa ni David, sobrang lapit namin, sobra akong kinakabahan lalo na sa mga mata niyang nakatingin na sa akin ngayon.

Ilang taon kung hindi siya nakita, halos hindi ko nga makita ang account niya at ’di ko makita sa business trip.

“Mommy…” nakangitin’ng sambit ni Aleah ng maibigay na siya sa akin ni David. Aleah held me as I was the one who made her. “Hello, Baby … I’m glad to meet you.” with one hand I was able to hold him in the face.

“Baby, I’ll be back at the table.” I looked at David, he kissed Aleah so I looked at him, because Aleah is closer to me David’s face is even closer. I can smell him.

“David.” I avoided swallowing as I quickly stretched the hem of her dress.

“Why?” he looked at me, I stared at him I had to be as hard as he was. I should not lose.

“Daddy, you’re here first. Mommy is holding me.” I still don’t let go of David even though Aleah is already talking. “Mommy wants you here.” David and I looked at each other again.

“Dito ka muna…” I slowly let go of him. I’m embarrassed but I don’t want him to go away first. Sinundan niya ang kamay ko pababa dahil binitawan ko na siya. Alam ko’ng pinatitinginan na kami pero wala ako’ng pakielam.

Pagkatapos naman nito gusto ko’ng makausap si David.

“Love” tawag ni Leigh kay Aya “Dito ka na din muna. Magtatabi na ’yung mag-asawa.” Nagawa pa’ng dumagdag ng asar ni Leigh habang tinitignan kami na magkatabi. Kagaya ng nangyari umupo si Aya sa tabi ni Leigh habang ako na naghanap ng uupuan ni David.

“Ako na.” napatingin ako sa kanya, inabot niya ang inaabot ko’ng upuan sa kabila’ng table. “I’ll fix it” he slightly moved my chair and set aside the chair he had taken. “Sit down” as he wanted me to sit quietly and put Aleah on my lap.

I waited for him to sit next to me and then I looked at him.

“We’re glad to see you again, David” Abby held him. “We couldn’t talk to you when you left.”

I was just listening as I fed Aleah a cupcake, I was even happier because she really wanted me to serve her.

“I’m sorry, I’d rather just focus on work. I haven’t forgotten you.” I do not know but I am afraid of the way he speaks now, he is not the same as before and seems to be very sparing in words.

“The more you change, the taller you become” Valerie tempted. “How is life in Finland?”

“Okay, I still had a hard time adjusting then but it’s okay.” David replied. ’Kayo? Saan pala si Joshua?“

“Sinundo ’yung alaga niya sa Vet tapos dumaan pa kila Tito Reynaldo.” si Maya ang sumagot. “Isa din ’yun si Joshua, namimiss ka siguro.” Cris laughed, because I honestly knew they had all been looking for David ever since. They did not like whatever happened.

“Maya, I’m sorry. I read your letter to me but I was not able to attend your wedding.” I turned to David, he was talking to Maya so I watched him freely.

“It’s okay, David. I understand everything. We understand.” We all fell silent again. I never heard David speak again, Leigh was too busy eating the cupcake I made.

“Mommy.” Aleah hugged me and leaned on my chest. “Your cupcake is delicious.” I stroked Aleah’s hair. “Make us a cupcake again Daddy and I will eat.”

“Sure, baby. I’ll bake the other flavor again.”

“Thank you, Mommy”

Nagkukwentuhan pa ang mga pinsan ko kay Leigh ng maramdaman ko’ng mabigat na si Aleah, nagbaba ako ng tingin sa kanya at nakita ko siya’ng natutulog na. I turned to David who was also quiet while eating. He only speaks when my cousins ​​ask him, I even see him being forced to sometimes answer.

Because of me so he was avoided, he also avoided my cousins.

“David.” he turned to me, he stopped eating. “Aleah is asleep.” he looked at Aleah in my chest.

“Will you give it to me?” I was swallowed, I don’t know why he seemed to be so strong on me, I was really hit. I can no longer cope.

“I just said … I’ll give it to you later.” he nodded and went back to eating. I just looked at him, I wanted to talk to him but I seemed to be preceded by fear and nervousness. “Where are you going later?” I asked those with us who were silent. “Saan sila Tito?”

“Nasa Finland pa din.” sagot niya. “Sa susunod na buwan pa ang balik nila.” dagdag niya.

“Agustina, hindi ko ’yan patutuluyin sa pamamahay ko. Patulugin mo ’yan sa bahay ninyo.” si Leigh, mabilis na tumingin si David sa kanya.

“Doon lang naman kami sa kabila’ng kwarto ni Aleah. Diba pumayag ka na?” tanong ni David. Alam ko’ng ayawa niya’ng tumuloy sa bahay pero iyon ’yung gusto ko. Asawa ko pa din naman siya.

“May iba pa ding namang kwarto sa bahay natin.” mahina’ng sambit ko. “Sa bahay ka natin tumuloy, kahit sa kabila’ng kwarto.”

“Tama ang asawa mo, Oliver. Kung ayaw mo namang magkasama kayo’ng tatlo sa iisa’ng kwarto mayroon pa namang isang kwarto.” sa tono ng boses ni Leigh talaga’ng inaasar at pinahihirapan niya’ng mag-isip si David. Gusto niya’ng magkasama kami’ng dalawa.

“Love, if David doesn’t want to, don’t force it–” Leigh interrupted what her fiance was going to say.

“Love, Agustina is still his wife. Oliver will not work for me.” Leigh winked at me. “So, Agustina, take care of your husband.” hindi ako nagsalita, alam ko kasi kung ano’ng ibig niya’ng sabihin at mangyari.

Hindi ko na narinig at nakita’ng umangal pa si David, nanahimik siya.

“Please, stay at our house…”

Chapter 39

Agustina

“Mag-iingat kayo ha?” humalik sa amin si Leigh, isa-isa bago siya tuluyang lumapit sa kotse nila ni Aya. “Agustina, sabihan mo ko kapag may ginawa’ng hindi maganda ’yan si David. Lalo na kapag hindi nag-istay sa bahay n’yo.”

Tumango ako kay Leigh. “Thank you, Leigh.”

“Kapag naubos namin ni Leigh ’to’ng cupcake mo, magorder ulit kami.” humawak si Aya kay Leigh. “Ang sarap mo pala talaga’ng magbake, Thank you.” I smiled because what Leigh’s behavior is like Aya’s behavior. They do not stray from each other’s habits.

“Babye, Oliver, mag-ingat.” lumapit si David sa kanila at humalik. “Mag-istay ka sa bahay n’yo ha? kapag nalaman ko’ng hindi itatakwil kita.” hindi ko maiwasang matawa dahil kanina pa inaasar ni Leigh si David, ayaw niya’ng magpatalo.

“Mag-iingat kayo ha? Aya, ikaw na bahala dito sa babae mo. Nasisiraan na ng bait kanina pa ako inaasar.” Pinagtawanan ni Aya si David, wala naman daw kasi sila’ng magagawa sa gusto nito. Nagpaalam na din ang dalawa bago tuluyang sumakay at umalis.

“Love, gusto mo ba’ng mag-istay tayo kila Agustina?” tanong ni Abby kay Maxl, nasa tabi ko lang sila kaya nilingon ko sila. “Palagi naman kasi naming gusto roon, gusto mo din ba?” tanong nanaman nito sa kanya.

Ayos lang naman sa akin na mag-istay sila sa bahay, madami namang kwarto at hindi nakakakaabala sa amin.

“Hindi ba tayo makakaabala sa kanila? Sila David roon matutulog.” nag-aalangan na sambit nito.

“Ayos lang, hindi kayo nakakaabala, ako dapat ang nahihiya.” David walked over to his car which was just next to me. I looked at him he opened the door of the Driver’s seat. “It’s still your house.”

“We also plan to go there, stay now.” Cristal as he clung to Olivia. “Is it really okay? We have so many.”

They waited for what David would say, I was not the one being asked so I should not speak.

“Sinabi ko naman sa inyo, ayos lang ’yun. Iba na ngayon kasi may mga karelasyon at asawa na din kayo. Talaga’ng madami na tayo.”

“Tama si David, madami na tayo ngayon. Huwag na tayo’ng magkahiyaan.” si Maya habang buhat si Hailey. Tumango ako ng dahan-dahan totoo naman lahat ng desiyon namin, iba na ngayon hindi na kami katulad ng dati.

I walked closer to David’s car, I peeked at Aleah in the back, until now she was still asleep.

“Let’s just meet at home.” I said goodbye and we got into the car.

When I entered I saw David typing on his phone. Holding one hand on the steering wheel looks like waiting for me to get in.

“Let’s go.” he put down his phone, I put on my seatbelt and I looked at him again. But I was unable to speak.

While on the trip David looks back, at Aleah. He looks at it in the review mirror. Hindi ko maiwasang punahin ang mga kinikilos niya, kita’ng-kita ko na mahal niya si Aleah, hindi siya naging iba kay David.

His attention was not on me but on his daughter.

I bit my lower lip, I wanted to speak, I wanted to apologize. We will talk and meet very quickly but I want the two of us to talk.I have to admit that a lot has changed, he loved me before and I do not know if he still loves me until now.

I do not want to lose what was between us then. I want us to talk about what happened. I regret everything, I know he can not just accept. Kailangan ko ding tanggapin kung anuman ang magiging patungo niya sa akin.

“I’m sorry, David” I tried to be normal even though I was nervous and scared. Alam ko’ng makapal ang mukha ko para mahiya at matakot sa lahat ng ginawa ko pero kailangan ko’ng maging matatag. “Sorry, hindi ko nagawa’ng intindihin ang lahat, hindi kita inintindi…”

I still couldn’t help but look at him. He not only spoke on the road he was thinking, was driving seriously and did not even bother with what I said.

“I’m sorry, because I became selfish, I can understand nothing but myself.” I caressed my palm so that I would not be offended by twitter. “Sorry, I hurt you.”

“No one will be hurt by what happened.” he just said. He did not want to talk about it but I wanted to apologize for everything I did. “Just forget everything, I accept everything. You don’t have to apologize either because I’m not angry.” nilingon ko siya kaagad.

“Gusto ko’ng humingi ng sorry, sorry sa lahat.”

“That’s enough”

Natigilan ako. I don’t know if I’m the one who can’t understand, because I don’t want to stop, I can’t stop talking. I want him to forgive me for what happened then. But he did not want to talk about it.

I regret everything I did, I can do nothing but apologize. Lumabas ako ng kotse pagkaparada ng kotse namin sa loob ng bahay. Hinintay ko’ng makalabas ang iba’ng kasama namin bago ko binuksan ang pintuan ng backseat.

“Inaantok na ako,” si Abby ang narinig ko papalapit ang boses nila.

“Wala namang nagbago, inaantok ka pa din palagi.” si Valerie naman ang narinig ko. Hindi ko pa nahahawakan si Aleah sa backseats ng bumukas ang kabila’ng pintuan, bumungad sa akin si David.

“I’ll take care of her.” I did not speak, I just looked at how he touched Aleah, slowly came out and he lifted. Pinauna ko ang mga kasama namin, ayaw pa nila’ng pumasok dahil nag tagal namin ni David kunin ang mga gamit niya sa likod.

“Tulungan ko na kayo.” Hinawakan ni Maxl ang isa’ng bagaheng hawak ko, ang isa naman ay si Pert ang humawak.

“Thank you.”

“Hello po, Tito, Tita” Kahit kinakabahan mas pinili ko’ng maging normal dahil bumalik at umuwi ako sa kanila na kasama ko nanaman si David, nandito na siya sa akin ulit.

“Wow, ang dami nanaman bata dito.” naririnig ko ang halaklak ni Daddy. “Dito na lang kayo lahat tumira.” dagdag pa niya, nagtawanan ang mga pinsan ko.

“Dad…Mom” nawala ang ngiti nila Daddy ng makita ko, nakita nila ako’ng nasa likod ko si David.

“Maganda’ng umaga po, Tito, Tita.” David’s treatment has not changed, how he greeted my parents then he does the same until now.

“David?” Mommy got up from their seat on the sofa, confused and asked looking at me.

“They just came home with Leigh, they visited the bakeshop earlier.” I slowly turned to David who was also slowly walking closer to my parents. “I kept him here.” I know my face is thick but here and here I will still stay at home.

“Mano po” kahit buhat niya si Aleah nagawa pa din niya’ng magmano ng maayos sa mga magulang ko. Hindi pa din makapagsalita sina Daddy sa kanya, nalilito pa din sila lalo na may hawak na bata si David.

“I will take my daughter up.” Daddy swallowed and seemed unable to understand.

“Excuse me po” he passed Daddy andMommy, went up to the second floor where our room was. Nakatingin lang kami’ng lahat habang nasa sala, hindi nagsasalita ang mga kasama namin at nakikinig lang.

“Daughter?” tanong sa akin ni Mommy. “May anak na si David?” hinimas ni Daddy ang buhok niya, tinitignan ako. “May iba na ba si David?”

What if he really has someone else? What if he replaced me? What if it is true? Is it true what Leigh says that he has never had another relationship?

“Hindi niya po ’yun anak sa iba.” umuwi ako sa sofa, hindi ko alam kung paano ko ipapaliwanag, paano kung talaga’ng nagkaroon nga ng iba si David at nagka-anak sila? Nagkapamilya? Kasi hindi siya magkakaanak sa akin? Kaya gano’n?

Gumalaw ang labi ko sa mga iniisip ko, hindi ko alam pero para’ng hindi ko kaya mga naiisip ko, hindi ko alam kung tama ba’ng mag-isipan ko si David ng kung ano-ano dahil lang anim na taon kami’ng hindi nagkita at nagkalayo.

“Yung bata po, iniwan lang iyon sa labas ng baha nila.” Para ako’ng tanga hindi ko talaga alam, kahit paniwala’ng-wala ako sa ma sinabi ni Leigh kanina hindi ko pa din magawa’ng ipaliwanag ng maayos. Dapat si David ang nandito.

He is the one who explains everything because Daddy and Mommy will think of something because he has a child with him.

Nananhimik ako, hindi ko kasi talaga alam. Siguro hindi na lang ako magsasalita. Si David ang nagpapaliwanag ng lahat dahil una sa lahat wala naman siya’ng magawa’ng sabihin sa akin noong nasa biyahe kami kanina.

Hindi siya magsasabi sa akin ng lahat ng nangyari habang nasa malayo siya.

“I’ll explain everything” we all looked at the speaker, David was walking towards us. “I’ll explain, please listen to me.”

I also want to know everything even though I have no rights even though we are still married, I have not been able to think about our annulment in recent years. That thing never crossed my mind.

“I was in Finland for two years, on Daddy’s birthday someone left Aleah in front of our house, only a letter was left to us but the grandfather of the child left him with us.” David breathed as he looked at my parents. “We searched for their house, the family of the child.

Nahanap namin ’yung bahay nila pero tanging lolo na lang po ni ALeah ’yung naroon, wala na po’ng buhay.“ My lips moved, I did not think that what Leigh said earlier was really true, he was not lying.

I’m the only one who really doesn’t want to believe.

“Kami po ang naglibing, hinanap din po namin ang pinaglibingan ng ina ni Aleah.” nahihirapan si David habang nagsasalita pero mas pinili niya’ng magpatuloy. “Nahanap po namin, nagtanong-tanong po kami sa kapitbahay. Nalaman din naming matagal na pala’ng patay ’yung tatay ni Aleah dahil sa sakit sa puso.”

That’s why Aleah’s strength, I’m sure David explained to her, only David and I have it. He can no longer afford to lose anything.

I just get hurt while listening because I also have a hard time looking at David the way he tells stories. “Kami ’yung tumayo’ng mga magulang niya, lalo na ako kapag abala sina Daddy sa trabaho. Ako ’yung nag-aalaga sa kanya hanggang sa napamahal na ako sa kanya. Ako na ’yung pangalawa niya’ng ama.”

“I did not change her full name, even ifher is not real to me I will consider her my real daughter.” he slowly looked away, my chest throbbing as his eyes stared at me. “I did not have anyone else while abroad … I am still married to your son” mahina’ng sambit niya.

“Sorry, na..bigla lang kami kanina.” si Daddy nilingon niya si David “Akala namin, nagkaroon ka ng anak sa iba..”

“Wala po’ng iba.”

Pinagtinginan ako ng mga pinsan ko dahil sa sinagot ni David, masakit sa parte ko lalo na sa pag-iisip ko kasi madami ako’ng naiisip.

Paano kung wala’ng iba pero hindi na ako?

Eto naman ’yung gusto ko diba? ’Yung tigilan ako ni David pero bakit apektado’ng-apektado naman ako kung hindi na ako ang mahal niya. Bakit ako nahihirapan kung hindi na ako? Bakit hindi ko matanggap?

“Daddy?” I immediately looked at the stairs where Aleah was wiping her eyes, just waking up and her hair was messy. “Daddy, where are we?” he clung to the stairs and slowly descended. “Daddy, where’s Mommy Agustina?”

David immediately met him and picked him up. “I’m sorry, Daddy came down right away.” I watched how David arranged his daughter, with his fingers he combed it with her hair. “We are here at Mommy Agustina’s house, her family is here, Baby” David confronted as he was carrying.

“Family? Daddy, I have a grandfather and a grandmother again?” I could not help but be offended by the way Aleah spoke.

“Don’t forget your own family, B-Baby …” David blinked as he wiped his eyes. “D-Do you want to approach them?” I did not take my eyes off David, I could see he was crying.

“Daddy, are you crying?” Aleah touched his face. “Daddy, I’m sorry …”

“S-Sorry, Baby … I just can’t get rid of what happened … to your family.” David turned to me. “I’ll give you to Grandpa Reynaldo.” tearfully David gave Aleah earlier Mommy, I stayed in my seat I could not move, until I just looked at David now as he turned around wiping his face.

“Agu–” nagulat ako kasi kalalabas lang ni Joshua ng kwarto niya, nagulat ako kasi hindi ko alam na nandito pala siya. Kanina pa siya ng nagpaparamdam. “David? David, ikaw ba ’yan?”

Nalilito ko siya’ng tinitignan, naguguluhan talaga ako bakit ngayon lang siya lumabas ng kwarto niya. Samantalang ang ingay ng mga kasama ko kanina.

“Dave? Bakit ka umiiyak? Kailan ka pa nakauwi?” bumaba siya at hinawakan si David habang umiiyak pa din. “Dave bakit? Umiiyak ka nong umalis ka, umiiyak ka pa din hanggang ngayong nakita kita”

It is true that my cousins ​​know David even better than I do, I did not know David before because I love someone else. I pay attention to others.

I was wrong, I hope even if I don’t love him I still understand how he feels, even if only a little I was able to understand him.

Until we all sat down at the table I did not see and hear David speak, he was just looking at his plate and not eating.

“Daddy.” Aleah reached for her daddy who was next to Mommy. “Daddy, eat” Aleah grabbed his face and kissed his on the lips. “Daddy, I’m fine … I’m happy because I have a second family” David turned to him slowly. “Thank you, Daddy, thank you for loving me…”

Hindi nagsalita si David, nanginginig ang mga labi niya niya’ng tumango kay Aleah. “M-Mahal na mahal ka ni Daddy..kakain na ako.” hindi ko kaya’ng makita si David na hanggang ngayon umiiyak at nasasaktan pa din.

Mas gugustuhin ko na lang na kay ALeah siya masaktan kesa sa akin, kasi alam kung kahit masakit kay Aleah kaya’ng-kaya niya at mahal na mahal niya. Hindi kagaya ko, mahal nga ako pero sinasaktan ko naman.

“I love you, Daddy, don’t be sad.” masaya’ng kumain si Aleah dahil na din kay Mommy at Daddy na pinapakain siya, hindi nga siya magawa’ng bitawan ni Mommy at makipagkwentuhan sa kanya.

“David, marunong ba magtagalog si Aleah?” tanong ni Daddy habang nagkukwentuhan kami sa sala pagkatapos kumain.

“Opo, marunong po siya tinuruan po namin.” hinaplos ni Daddy ang buhok ni Aleah. “Baby, ayos labg ba sa’yo na magtagalog ka?” masuyo’ng sambit niya rito. Bahagya ako’ng nangiti dahil nakikita ko ng ngumingiti siya.

“Opo, opo” yumakap siya sa braso nina Mommy. “Papa, Mama, sa..ma ka..yo sa Finland.”

“Aww ang cute namin” si Olivia habang nakayakap kay Cristal. “Mana sa’yo, David.” biro pa nito na siya’ng kinatawa ni David.

“Kapag malaki na ’yan, asahan n’yo makulit na ‘yan’ nakangiti’ng sambit ni David nilingon niya si Aleah na nasa pagitan ng upuan nina Daddy. “Anak, diba?”

“Mabait po ako…” nakanguso’ng sambit nito sa Daddy niya. “Daddy, kay Mommy ako.” nalipat naman ang tingin sa akin ni David ng bumaba si Aleah sa sofa para lumapit sa akin sa kabila’ng sofa. ’Mommy“

Binuhat ko siya at pinaupo sa kanduangan ko. “Mommy, ang ganda..n’yo..po” tinukso pa ako ni Abby na nasa tabi ko lang. “Mommy Abby” nilahad ni Aleah ang kamay niya kay Abby.

“Yes, baby? Madami kami dito, so madami ka ding Mommy?” lumalabas na ang ngipin ni Aleah sa kakangiti, masaya’ng tumango.

“Opo..opo..” lumapit si Abby sa kanya para halikan siya. “Madami…din..ako’ng Daddy…” yumakap sa akin si Aleah pagkatapos niya’ng bitawan si Abby, “Mommy, sino po siya?” napatingin ako sa tinuturo niya, si Hailey na natutulog na sa bisig ni Vlad.

“Si Hailey, baby, Anak ni Mommy Maya mo at Daddy Vlad..” ang cute pa ding matulog ni Hailey kahit kailan, hindi ko lang siya malapitan dahil buhat ko si Aleah.

“Mommy..she’s cute.”

“Ow, nanganganib.” si Joshua habang kinakawayan si Aleah. “Mukha’ng alam ko na mangyayari paglaki ng dalawa’ng ’yan.”

“Ano ba, ang advance mo mag-isip.” siniko siya ni Cris. “Pero pwede din, baga–”

“Kuya, tumigil ka!” binato ni Cristal si Cris ng bag niya. “Huwag ka’ng ganyan, magpinsan na sil–”

“Lah, hindi kaya.” Sabat ni Joshua “Wala naman tayo–”

“Joshua, tumigil ka nga.” nakisali na si David sa usapan nila. “Kakabanggit mo ng ganyan baka matuluyan ’yung anak ko. Saka ’wag mo muna’ng bigyan ng malisya.”

“Mga bata’ng ’to, mga bata ’yan binibigyan n’yo na kaagad ng malisya.” umiiling na sambit ni Mommy. “Natural lang ’yan sa mga bata.” Pagkatapos ng usapan namin sa sala ay sabay-sabay kami’ng nagsiakyatan sa kwarto.

I even looked at Aleah who was lying on the bed again, looking like she was going to sleep again.

“Baby?” I sat on the side of the bed, I held Aleah but she was not moving anymore. “You fell asleep again” I kissed her cheeks and kissed her forehead. “Good night, Baby”

I leaned next to her because I was still waiting for David to come out of the bathroom, Yes it looks like we are really together again in the same room.

It’s been a while since we first got together …

My chest was pounding so hard, I don’t even know if we can fit in the same bed.

I immediately adjusted to sitting when I heard the bathroom door open, I immediately smelled the scent of David. I waited for him to finally come out, I saw him wiping his hair as he walked.

“I’m done, you use the bathroom.” he was wearing only a jogger and a black sando.

I swallowed and I could not help but look at the curve of her body, the more beautiful and the more I saw the change.In his shirt, his upper body was curved, something I could not get rid of.

Mabilis ako’ng tumayo at pumasok ng banyo, masyado na ako’ng mahihiya kung makikita pa niya’ng tinitignan ko ang katawan niya, at wala na ako’ng mukha’ng maihaharap.

Paglabas ko ng banyo, nadatnan ko pa si David na nakatayo sa may bintana at nakatingin sa kalawakan, masyado’ng maganda at kita’ng-kita ang kalawakan sa pwesto niya.

I slowly approached and also peeked out the window and looked at the galaxy especially the moon.

“The galaxy and the moon are beautiful, aren’t they?” I was still able to say even though I was nervous, I was just behind him and looking at him.

“Yes …” he said softly, I kept looking behind him, wondering what else I would say next. Kagaya pa din wala na akong narinig pa’ng sinambit niya.

Hindi ko alam kung nahihibang na ba ako o ano, hindi ko malaman kung ano pa ba’ng dapat kung gawin, ayaw naman niya;ng pag-usapan namin ang nangyari roon. Patuloy pa din ako’ng humihingi ng tawad.

Though nervous I slowly approached behind him, I would hug him even though I knew he would not like it.I slowly hugged him from behind, I don’t know if I can still touch his body, I want to feel and hug him.

And that’s will be so fine for me…

I pressed my face to his back and hugged him even tighter.

“I’m sorry, I’ll fix it, David …” I could barely breathe with the excessive force of my chest pounding.

I never thought I would feel any more comfort as I hugged him, I need this, I need him here. When he doesn’t need me anymore, my face becomes thicker.

“I’m sorry” I buried my face behind him even more. His clothes are getting wet because of the tears coming out of my eyes.

Masyado ako’ng tanga para gawin ’to, pero kailangan ko’ng gawin. Kailangan ko siya dito…

Chapter 40

Agustina

I still can’t let go of David, I still cling to him and I have no intention of letting go, I will not let go.

“Let’s rest.” I looked up at him he barely moved. “I want to rest.”

“David.”

“Let me go, let’s rest.” I slowly lowered my hands but I still did not leave in front of him.

“I’m sorry, David.” I looked into his eyes, I could see that because of the moonlight, the cold breeze was still accompanied.

“It’s okay, I said it before” it still wouldn’t be enough for me because I did too much.

“Can you …” I bit my lip while still shedding the tears coming out of my eyes.

“What?” he looked out the window. “I don’t know why you are doing this … you didn’t care for me before…” I felt even more pain, I still did not take my eyes off him even though he was not looking at me.

I approached him and leaned my forehead on his chest, I knew I was becoming more and more stupid in what I was doing but I did not know. I can no longer think sensibly.

“I’m scared …” I was afraid of what might happen then if I chose to love him, I was afraid because someone would get hurt, someone would have a hard time. Hindi ko alam kung ano’ng mali sa akin at gusto ko’ng mangyari. Alam ko gusto ko’ng magkaayos kami’ng dalawa, hindi ayos sa akin na ganito din siya. Na nanlalamig na sa akin ngayon.

It’s for me because I can not accept this is how he felt about me when I also pushing him away. Ganito pala ’yung pakiramdam ng tinataboy din, ganito ’yung pakiramdam ng gusto’ng-gusto niya’ng lumayo ako sa kanya.

“Magpahinga na tayo, Agustina.” muli ko siya’ng niyakap ng bahagya siya’ng lumayo sa akin, umiling ako ng umiling sa dibdib niya. Ayoko siya’ng pakawalan, ayoko’ng lumayo siya sa akin.

“David, I’m sorry” mas hinigpitan ko ang kapit at siksik ko sa dibdib niya. Desidido ako sa ginagawa ko’ng ’to, gusto ko ’to’ng mangyari para sa aming dalawa. Para na din sa ikakatahimik ko.

I will not let him go away from me, he will never go away.

“I’m so sorry …” I clung to his back and kept my eyes on him, he still wasn’t looking at me just outside the window.“David,” hinawakan ko ang mukha niya at pinilit siya’ng tignan ako, tignan lang niya ako.

I could hear his chest pounding, which I could still hear. I still hope for that.

“Agustina.” he grabbed my hand on his face and tried to remove it. “That’s enough, don’t do this–”

“I want to do this, David” I interrupted what he was going to say. “I want the two of us to be fine.”

“Wh–”

“We’re not still okay.” umiling ako’ng muli sa kanya. “Please…”

“We’re okay, how I treated you then I still treat you that until now “ hinawakan niya ang pagkabila’ng balikat ko at pinalayo sa katawan niya. “We’re still good, even the truth is that we are not really okay then “

“Magpapahinga na ako.” tinalikuran niya ako at naglakad papalapit sa kama kung saan nakahiga ang anak niya. Wala na kami’ng iba’ng magagawa magtatabi kami’ng tatlo sa iisa’ng kama.

I did not move from where I was standing, I looked out the window and looked at the galaxy and the moon.

I smiled bitterly, just now I was with David staring at the sky but we were not well. I cried staring into space, I silently sobbed in my cries, I quietly accepted everything no matter how cold I was.

I will take risk … i will no matter what happens.

“Mommy … mommy …” Aleah walked over to me as I went downstairs. My other cousins ​​are already there and have breakfast.

“Good morning, Agu” said Abby who had just come out of the kitchen and laid the food on the table.

“Good morning” I immediately looked for David but I did not find him in our group. “Baby.” I picked up Aleah and kissed her on the cheek “Good morning, baby” kaagad na yumakap sa leeg ko ang bata.

“How’s your sleep, Baby?” tanong ko sa kanya. Hinahagod ko ang likod niya habang lumalapit sa mga pinsan ko na naghahain ng mga pagkain. Hindi pa din ako mapakali dahil hindi ko makita si David, wala na din naman siya sa kwarto noong bumaba ako.

“Ayos lang po, Mommy”

“Guys, hmm, si David?” napatingin sila’ng lahat sa akin, ang iba sa kanila ay inaantok pa din hanggang ngayon. “Naabutan ninyo ba si David?”

“Naabutan namin, halos kaaalis lang. Kasama sina Tito isasama sa kompanya.” si Cristal at binigyan ako ng ngiti “Huwag ka mag-alala, dalawin na lang natin ang asawa mo mamaya.”

“Nag-usap ba kayo kagabi?” tanong ni Valerie pagkaupo ko sa tabi niya, sa tabi naman ni Hailey ay ibinaba ko si Aleah. Muli ko’ng tinignan ang mga pinsan ko’ng nag-aabang sa isasagot ko.

Sasabihin ko kaya? Paano ko ipapaliwanag?

“Ano’ng nangyari na?” si Joshua habang kumakain ng pandesal. “Kinausap ka ba niya? ’Yung maayos?”

“Hindi naman sira si David ’no” si Maya na panay ang lagay ng pagkain sa plato ng anak at asawa niya. I just sighed until now I’m still having a hard time, the weight is still heavy I feel because of our conversation last night.

“We talked but not so well …” I put food on Aleah’s plate, I smiled at her while she also looked at me.

“Mommy, are you and Daddy fighting?” I was licked on my lips because of his question.

“Did David say anything else?” Joshua entered. Aleah held me tightly.

“Mommy, do you and Daddy have a problem?” I stroked her hair, simultaneously kissing her forehead.

“Wala, Baby. Wala kami’ng problema ni Daddy. After lunch natin pupuntahan natin si Daddy sa office niya.” tumango-tumnago si Aleah at hinalikan ako bago siya nagpatuloy sa pagkain.

Tahimik lang ang mga kasama ko habang tinitignan kami’ng dalawa. Hindi ko na lang muna sinabi dahil may mga bata pa at ayoko namang mag-isip pa ng kung ano-ano si Aleah.

After breakfast Vlad, Pert went out to accompany Hailey and Aleah to play in the garden. My other cousins ​​even left just to talk to me again.

“What are you talking about David?” Valerie put her arm around me. ’Sabihin mo ano’ng nangyari kagabi?“

“Oo nga,” si Joshua. Tinignan ko siya. “Ano’ng nangyari kagabi?”

“Iniiwasan ako ni David,” nanahimik sila. Tinignan ako nina Cristal na para’ng hindi makapaniwala sa sinabi ko. “Iniiwasan niya’ng pag-usapan namin.” Nagbaba ako ng tingin at pinaglaruan ang mga kamay ko. ’Nagsosorry ako, alam ko namang hindi gano’n kadali pero iba nararamdaman ko,“

“Gusto mo’ng magkaayos kayo’ng dalawa kaya hindi mo matanggap na ganon ang nangyayari at pinapakita niya sa’yo” si Cris. Hindi ako nagsalita. “

Don’t be in a hurry, let David go first, Agu “he nodded.” Take it easy … “Abby nodded next to me.

“Cris is right, don’t be in a hurry, Agu. I know you understand us.” Valerie hugged me.

“My brain keeps changing why you seem to be in a hurry, Agu.” Maya touched my hair. “Have you moved on yet?”

Ever since I was silent, yes I know … I know I have moved on in the past no matter what happened. I know it’s been a long time but I really forgot.

“Nagkakamalay na kasi kung ano ibig sabihin ng ginagawa mo.” hinimas ni Joshua ang batok niya. “Bigla ka kasi’ng nagbago no’ng nakita mo siya kahapon, ’diba?” tumango ako kasi totoo naman kung anuman ’yung sinasabi niya.

“Hindi ko alam, nabibigla din ako sa ginagawa ko.” hinawakan ko ang mukha ko kahit pa nakayakap pa din sa akin si Valerie. Hindi ko na talaga alam kung ano ’yung totoo’ng gusto ko, kung ano ang dapat ko’ng gawin.

“Nararamdaman ko na ngayon kung ano’ng nararamdaman ni David noon sa akin…” hindi ko akalain na mararanasan ko din ang lahat ng ginawa ko.

“Alam ko lang gusto ko na nandyan siya, kailangan ko siya…” I’m so stupid by saying that lines lalo na kakakita lang namin ulit. Masyado din ako’ng nabibilisan at possibleng possible na hindi maniniwala si David, hindi niya din ako mapapaniwalaan.

“Mommy, is this your company? You also work here?” Aleah happily looks at everything we go through after entering the company.

“Maam Agustina, Good morning.” Leonel greeted me with a smile and bowed slightly.

“Good morning, Leonel. You’re blooming now” I teased him because it was true. “Are you really inlove huh”

He couldn’t help but smile as he looked at me. “Next time introduce him to me”

“Yes.” I nodded and walked along with my cousins.

“Leonel is still really handsome.” Valerie laughed.

“Your Pert is more handsome, Val” Cris said. “Baka gusto mo’ng isumbong kita sa boyfriend mo?”

“Wow, malamang mas gwapo pa din si Pert. You know.” sumilay ang ngisi sa labi nito. “Especially when she’s new to bathing” I couldn’t help but laugh at what Valerie was saying. “Lalo noong first–”

“Stop that, don’t continue if you still want to live.” Maya and my cousins ​​laughed at her.

“Wow naman, kung makapagpigil ka para’ng hindi ninyo ’yun ginawa ni Vlad.” si Valerie ulit habang inaasar at nagrereklamo kay Maya.

“Kahit kasal na ’yan ang inosente pa din.” sumabat si Abby “Grabe ’yung Maya Del Mundo natin, ayaw sa ganyang topic pero nauna ka pang magkaanak jan kay Valerie.”

I was just listening to them as they all clashed behind me, Joshua and Cris were also following them.

“Dzuh, Valerie is next to me.” we all stopped opposite David’s office, the office where he was staying did not change. “Teka para’ng may kausap ata si David.” nilapitan ako ni Maya napatingin ako sa kanya.

Baka si Mommy o iba’ng tao ang rito ang kausap niya. Boses baba naman kasi nag naririnig namin mula sa labas. Slowly Abby opened the door, we could hear an argument from inside.

“Kate, get out of here, I hope you understand me.” it was David’s voice.

Kate?

“David, you don’t understand me.”

“I understand you, I can no longer accept what you ask of me.”

“David, I still love you.” Bigla ako’ng nanlamig sa kinatatayuan ko, nanlamig ang buo ko’ng katawan. Sobra’ng lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko habang paulit-uit na binabanggit sa sarili ko ’yung sinabi no’ng babae.

Sino si Kate? Saka ano’ng mahal pa niya si David? May nakaraan ba sila?

Ano’ng nangyayari?

Chapter 41

Agustina

Kumatok si Abby sa pintuan at tuluyang niluwagan ang pagkakabukas ng pinto. Bumungad sa amin, sa akin si Kate na nasa harapan ni David at si David na nakaupo sa swivel chair niya.

“Daddy!” binaba ko kaagad si Aleah dahil gusto na niya’ng yakapin si David, hindi naalis ang tingin ko roon sa babae. Maganda siya at mukha’ng pantay na pantay lang sila’ng dalawa ni David.

David was looking at me, hindi ko din maiwasang magisip ng kung ano-ano dahil sa mga narinig ko.

“Baby” binuhat niya si Aleah pagkalapit sa kanya nito.

“Daddy, sino po siya?” tinuro ni Aleah ’yung babae na hanggang ngayon ay nakatingin pa din sa akin, ako na ngayon ang tinitignan niya.

“Si Tita Kate mo, Baby” hinaplos ni David ang anak niya sa likod. Hindi din maalis ang tingin ko kay Kate na hindi makapaniwalang may tinatawag si David na anak niya.

“Sino siya, David? Anak mo?” nalilito’ng tanong ni Kate sa kanya, nilingon siya ni David na para’ng wala lang. “Anak? Kanino?”

“Anak ko.” sagot ni David. Bakas sa boses niya’ng ayaw na niya’nmg pag-usapan ang lahat. Ginugulo siya nito. “You now leave, Kate. Tapos na tayo’ng mag-usap.” muli’ng umupo si David at pinaupo niya si Hailey sa kanya’ng kandungan.

“David, mag-uusap pa tay–”

“Kate, wala na tayo’ng dapat pa’ng pag-usapan.” 

David looked up at her, still serious and obviously he really wanted Kate to leave here.

My cousins ​​and I were quiet, as if they were confused and did not know what was happening. I heard some of Kate’s compliments.

“Why don’t you want us to talk? David, how long have you been apart–”

“Separate?” David asked. “No.” Hindi ko maintindihan kung saan na natutungo ’yung pinag-uusapan nila, hindi ko maintindihan kung ano’ng gusto n Kate sa kanya na sabihin.

“Dahil lang nandito si Agus–”

“Wala ka namang pakielam kung nandito si Agustina.” Naninihimik kami’ng lahat napatingin kami ng mga pinsan ko kay David, hind ko akalain na ganito siya, Ooo madami na ding nagbago sa kanya kaya siguro iba’ng-iba na ang pinapakita niya. “Umalis ka na.”

“David, is that how you behave? You just got married to–”

“Shechanged me and I like that.” I swallowed hard, I was the one they both referred to especially David. “You have no right to complain, I just give you what should be given to you, I still respect you.”

“David.” Kate approached the table and slapped it. “Why don’t you just come back to me?” it said loudly to him.

“I don’t have to go back to you, Kate.” a small smile flashed across David’s lips. “I dont need anymore”

“I’m a woman, David, so I can give you a child —”

“I don’t care if you can give me a child. I don’t need you, Kate.”

Hindi ko maiwasang hindi masaktan sa mga sinabi ni Kate, totoo naman kaya niya’ng bigyan ng anak si David, eh ako? Hindi ko siya mabibigyan ng anak.

Hindi mangyayari iyon, tama si Kate.

I almost changed a lot in my body, I know Kate hates me because I am not really a real woman, I will not be like real women. Absolutely not. So no matter what else he says I can do nothing, I can also say nothing because it is true.

“Stop insulting my wife, I have no problem if she can’t give me a child.” slowly as I looked up at him, our eyes met.

I will also understand what they want to say and make me look like, but if David is the basis I will believe him more and I will feel more relieved. Because I know if he accepts me.

Nakakatawa lang, bakit ko ba nagawa’ng saktan ang tao’ng lubos na tanggap ako?

“Insultuhin mo na, lahat, ’wag lang ang asawa ko, Kate.”

“Tsk.” muli’ng hinampas ni Kate ang table dahilan para matakot lalo si Aleah na nakayakap pa din hanggang ngayon kay David. Mabilis na hinaharap ako ni Kate at naglakad papalapit sa akin. “Babalik ka din sa akin, David.”

Matalim niya ako’ng tinignan ng madaanan. “Nakakadiri ka.” My whole body weakened immediately because of what he said. I looked down and did not look at him anymore. I was very hurt by what he said, I am also human but why is it like this? Is he like this?

“Damn you, Kate.”

“Ang kapal naman ng mukha mo’ng babae ka,” hinarangan ako ni Maya, siya ang nagsalita kay Kate. “Ikaw ang nakakadiri, pinipilit mo sarili mo kay David. Hindi na na nahiya.”

“Fuck you, Bitch” Abby said “You have no right to say that our cousin.”

“Damn, Kate, I told you you have no right to tell Agustina!” I was surprised when David suddenly crossed Kate’s arm, holding it tightly. Bakas na bakas sa mukha ni Kate na nasasaktan siya.

“D-David, n-nasasaktan a-ako.” lalo siya’ng hinigit ni David. “D-David”

“Nasasaktan ka? ’Yung mga sinabi mo ba ’di nakakasakit?” I was scared of David’s looks, I was scared of the parana how he hurt Kate.

“D-David …”

“Take back what you said!” David shouted, full of anger. “Take it back!”

“David” Cris and Joshua stopped David. “David, David, that’s enough” Hindi sila pinakinggan ni David, inalis lang niya ang pagkakahawak nila’mng dalawa sa kanya. Kinakabahan ako, ayoko’ng magkagulo rito. Ayoko din namang saktan pa lalo ni David si Kate.

“Sinabi ko na sa’yo, ’wag na ’wag mo’ng iinsultuhin si Agustina.”

“Tangina, D-David nasasaktan ako!” I have to stop David because otherwise we would all get even more upset. My cousins ​​couldn’t stop him even Cris.

“D-David …” I passed Maya who was still in front of me, I approached David. “David, that’s enough, that’s enough”

My lips trembled as I held him.

I can’t help but cry because I am hurting, I am hurting for myself. David does everything for me … I don’t think he still cares about me.

“D-David …” my tears kept falling in my eyes. I can no longer control myself. “T-Tama na…” hinihigit ko na siya papalayo kay Kate kahit nahihirapan ako dahil ayaw niya’ng bumitaw kay Kate, galit pa din siya.

“D-David…” hinawakan ko siya at pinilit na ilayo kay Kate “Nasasaktan si Kate, David bi—”

“Sinaktan ka niya.” Nilingon niya ako. Natatakot pa din ako sa paraan ng pagtingin niya. “Sinaktan—”

“I know it’s not okay but let her go, Please?” Gumalaw ang panga niya, mabibigat na hininga ang ginawa.

“David, tama na” hinawakan nina Cris si Kate at nilayo. “Joshua, ila—”

“Pagsisisihan mo lahat ng ’to, David” binangga niya sina Cris, hindi pa titigil ang mga pinsan ko kung hindi pa sila pinigilan nina Cris. Padabog na umalis si Kate at naiwan kami’ng tahimik.

Hindi pa din ako makapagsalita, si David umalis sa tabi ko at bumalik sa table niya.

“M-Mommy…” naluluha’ng kumapit sa damit ko si Aleah.

Binuhat ko si Aleah “Ayos lang si Mommy, Baby, Don’t worry.” May kirot pa din sa akin ang mga sinabi ni Kate, sapul sa akin iyon.

Niyakap ko siya para hindi na umiyak dahil mukha’ng may balak pa siya’ng umiyak. “Shh…Okay lang si Mommy.” Ayos lang ako, huwag lang umiyak si Aleah.

Ilang oras ako’ng natahimik, kinakausap ako ng mga pinsan ko pero hindi ko magawa’ng magsalita. Iniisip ko pa din ’yung nangyari kanina.

Si David naman, abala’ng-abala sa laptop niya, may kinakausap din siya kaya hanggang tingin na lang ako.

“Bibili na muna kami ng meryenda.” Tumayo ang mga pinsan ko, binuhat ni Cris si Aleah. “Sasama ka ba, Agu?” “Hindi na, dito na lang ako.” nilingon ko ang pwestoni David, nakatingin pa din siya sa laptop niya. Gusto ko siya’ng tanungin pero hindi na lang ako aalis para may kasama siya.

“Daddy, lalabas po kami.” nakayapos pa din si Aleah kay Cris. “Daddy.”

“Sumama ka na muna sa kanila, Baby, tatapusin ko na ’to pagbalik kakain tayo.” saglit na nag-angat ng tingin si David sa mga pinsan ko’ng nakatayo. Mas maigi na lang na kami muna ang matira. Kahit pa wala’ng pag-uusapan.

“Sige po, Daddy.”

“Aalis na muna kami.” nagpaalam sila sa amin bago nagsilabasan sa pintuan, nagtatagal pa ang mga tngin sa akin ng mga pinsan ko na para’ng may gusto pa’ng sabihin. Tinanguan ko na lang sila.

Silence enveloped us as they exited and finally left. Looks like I have nothing more to say because twitter is ahead of me.

Only the sound of papers could be heard throughout the room because David’s signature and transfer to the paper on his table were pure. He also continued to stare and type on his laptop.

I do not know what I can do to somehow help him, I am also preceded by my shame.

“David,” even though I was nervous I was still able to call him. Akala ko pa ay hindi niya ako lilingunin dahil sa sobra’ng abala niya sa ginagawa niya pero akala ko lang pala iyon.

Nag-angat siya ng tingin at tumigil sa ginagawa niya. “Bakit?” tanong niya, hindi ko maiwasang punahin ang boses niya. Dahil mas lalo’ng naging malalim iyon.

I stopped biting my lower lip, I was really nervous.

“Hmm … you need help?” I will ask. I want to help him finish. His work is also about to end. “Help me, David”

“It’s okay with me, I’ll finish too. I’ll take care of it.” I was silent, he immediately lowered his gaze to the papers and to his laptop.

But I still want him to talk to me.

“Where are Mommy and Daddy?” I can think of nothing else to ask him.

“They are still in the meeting.”

“You? Didn’t you go to the meeting?” I asked again. Ayos na ’to para nakakausap ko pa siya kahit tungkol na lang sa iba’ng bagay. Atleast alam kung sasagutin at sasagutin pa din niya ako kahit ano’ng itanong ko.

“Hindi na ako sumama sa meeting, madami pa ako’ng gagawin.” patuloy ang pagtitipa niya sa laptop niya, hindi na ako inaangatan ng tingin.

I was a little taken aback when I had nothing more to ask him, I do not want to open yours to us. All I had to do with him was make up for it, I really wanted to make up for him at all.

That’s what I want and we both get along well.

“Can I come to you?” I stood up, looking at him and waiting for an answer from him.

“Why? Do you need anything?” he still did not look at me, I walked closer to his table. I quietly inhaled his scent as he approached he became even more courageous. Minataan ko ang swivel chair niya, malaki iyon at maluwag pa mula sa pagkakaupo niya.

“Uupo ako sa’yo.” sambit ko. Wala na ako’ng magawa gusto ko pansinin lang niya ako. Hindi niya ako nilingon.

“Sa sofa ka na umupo–”

“Just here.” I sat on his lap, I could do that easily because his two legs were separated. He did not speak but I could just hear his deep breath on the side of my ear. Makapal ang mukha ko’ng kumapit sa batok niya. “Hindi naman ako mabigat, kaya mo ko.”

We could almost hear both my heartbeat when I looked back at him, our faces were so close to each other that only a little could stick together. I couldn’t help but stare at David, his face especially his lips.

My eyes stayed there, I still remember how he claimed my lips then. I will never forget that, because right there caused us both to be in trouble.

He did not complain even for the duration of my gaze, his arm continued to move on both sides of me because of his typing on the laptop.

“David.” I called even though I was close to him.

“Yes?”

“You really had no other relationship when you left here?” my face is already thick, I can’t be bothered like the big deal to me whether he had someone else before or not.

“Yes.” I felt him stop typing on the laptop. “Why?”

“Hmm … I just asked.” I clung to her neck and stroked her hair. “Just keep going” nanahimik ako ulit, nakatingin lang ako sa dibdib niya at wala ng ibang sinabi pa.

“I had no other relationship when I left here,” because my arm was attached to his chest I could feel the beating of his chest. Ako lang naman ’yung makapal ang mukha na magtanong sa kanya kahit wala naman ako’ng pakielam, wala akong karapatan pero nagtatanong pa din ako.

Pero siya para’ng wala lang sa kanya kung sasagot siya sa mga tanong ko. Hindi ko siya nakikitaan sa mga mukha niya’ng nagrereklamo sa akin,

“Yes, I know..” nilingon ko ang laptop niya, nakabukas pa din iyon pero tanging home screen ang nakikita ko. Nagulat at nagtagal pa ang tingin ko roon dahil sa wallpaper.

I could not help but cling to David even more than I saw, We were in front of the altar and lips were touching. It’s our Wedding, the two of us are his wallpaper.

I can’t look at him because my attention is on his laptop, on the wallpaper. Hindi ko na alam kung ano pa’ng dapat ko’ng isipin. Dahil kahit saan naipon ko lahat ng wedding pictures namin.

Nilingon ko kaagad siya, nakatingin na din siya sa akin kaya hindi ko maiwasang mahiya o magulat. He stared at me again, he did not even look away from me. I stared at him even though I was so embarrassed and restless.

“I thought you didn’t take our wedding pictures …” he shook his head while still looking at me.

“I took it, before I left.” he leaned back in his chair causing us both to move. He closed his eyes as I leaned my neck against the chair.

I did not look away from him, I looked at him while resting, he would throw it perfectly, it could not be changed. His jaw appeared even more. He has red lips, his eyelashes are lower.

“David…” I reached out and touched his face, the more I pressed myself to him. ’David… “

“Yes, Agustina?” he did not open his eyes, nor did he touch my body or even my back.

“Do I still have a chance?”

“Chance?” I caressed his cheek. I want to him, I really want.

“Yes…”

“Agustina, do you like me?” binuksan niya ang mga mata niya. “O naguguluhan ka lang?” tinignan ang mga mata ko, tinitigan ako para malaman ang totoo. Hindi ako nagpatalo sa kanya, alam ko kung ano ’yung nararamdaman ko.

“Yes, I like you, David.” His appearance did not change but I know how he felt because I could feel his heartbeat.

Yes, even in his heartbeat, I know how he feels, I feel him right away.

“I’m not confused, nothing bothers me.” I continued to caress his cheek as we both stared. Tinitigan ko pa din siya kahit umiwas siya ng tingin, hindi ako bumitaw at tumigil sa paghaplos sa kanya.

“Bumalik kana sa sofa.” muli niya’ng hinawakan ang table niya. ’Maglili–“

“Pwede naman magligpit habang nakaupo ako sa’yo.” lalo akong sumiksik sa katawan niya. Hindi ako magpapatalo sa kanya, gusto ko’ng paniwalaan niya din ako. Hindi ako titigil hangga’t ’di niya din ako nararamdaman.

His jaw moved and he looked at me.

“Leave first–”

“No, I’m just here.” I arranged to sit on her thigh. “Put away your belongings, I’m just here.” kumapit ako muli sa batok niya.

“Agustina, what do you want?” halata sa boses niya’ng hindi na niya nagugustuhan ang ginagawa ko. Wala naman ako’ng pakielam.

“You.” patay-malisya ako’ng ngumiti at tinignan pa din siya. “Ligpitin mo lahat, basta dito lang ako.” hindi na siya nagsalita, inayos lahat niya ang nasa table, nakaupo pa din ako sa hita niya.

Tinignan ko din kung paano niya iligpit lahat ng gamit niya hanggang sa matapos siya, nilagay niya sa gilid ang laptop at papel niya’ng kanina pa nakakakalat. Lahat ay nakita ko’ng may pirma na kaya muli ko siya’ng tinignan.

“Wala ka ng gagawin? Mamaya?” tanong ko habang hinahaplos ang dibdib niya.

“Wala na” sagot niya. Sumandal siya’ng muli sa upuan.

“Why? What are your plans?”

“Nothing, maybe you’ll be busy again later.” he shook his head.

“I have nothing to do.”

“David, can I kiss you?”

Next update will be on Sunday again. I will be again on my class. Hope understand, keepsafe everyone, goodluck and thank you so much!

Chapter 42

Agustina

Hindi ko alam kung ilang beses nagrereply sa utak ko ’yung sinabi ko kay David, nasabi ko na at totoo namang gusto ko talaga. Ang lapit niya sa akin possible’ng ’di ko pa ramdam na gusto ko’ng gawin iyon.

Nakita ko ang paggalaw ng panga niya, hindi ko alam kung matalim ba ang tiitg niya sa akin o ano. I am the one who is doomed by what I say.

I looked at him too, I was not nailing or anything. What I said is true, I should not be afraid.

“What?” he left leaning on the chair causing the two of us to move as well. “What are you saying?” hinawakan niya ang table niya. “Umalis ka na, kung gusto mo’ng umupo roon ka sa sofa.” tumaas ang kilay ko. Talaga ba’ng ayaw niya?

Umiling ako pero hindi ako nagsalita. Lalo ako’ng kumapit sa kanya at inayos ang pagkakaupo sa kandungan niya. Humarap ako paaupo sa kanya. Ngayon magkaharap na kami at pinanlalakihan ako ng mata.

“Why? You don’t like it?” I touched his chest, I could still feel his chest pounding. Even though I didn’t look, I could see him swallowing what I was doing.

“Agustina, get out of my lap.” he averted his eyes from me, still swallowing and moving his jaw. “Sit on the sofa.”

“I want it here on your lap.” I caressed his chest. “You have nothing to do.” He frowned at me, I knew he was annoyed with me but I did not know. I pressed myself closer to him, only I could face him and look at him.

I don’t think a Gomez is really perfect. He’s so perfect for real woman. Not for me.

“You know, David, you’re so perfect especially if you’re married to a real woman.” he slowly turned to me and looked me in the eyes. “You’re so perfect just to marry me that you won’t be given a fami–”

“We already have a family, Agustina.” putol niya sa sasabihin ko. “I don’t care if you can’t give me a child, we can adopt.” he did not take his eyes off me. “Never tell me I would be so perfect if I married a real woman.” My heart pounded at what he said.

I only hurt myself because I know it’s true, if she was a woman, maybe she wouldn’t experience this.

My chest throbbed as he held my hand still holding his chest.

“Please, I love you, do not think like that, do not think what others will say. Listen to me because I am your husband, I accept you very much.” I bit my lower lip, I could no longer look at him every time he spoke to me. I still can’t help but think of what what.

“Don’t even think about what Kate said, believe me.” he took my hand and applied it to his cheek. “I’m still not okay, I’m still in pain but I want you here. I need you, I’m sorry…” nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya, tinignan ko ang mga mata nia’ng sa akin lang nakatingin. “I need you always..”

Binitawan niya ako at dahan-dahan na pinulupot ang mga kamay sa baywang ko hanggang sa likuran ko. Dahan-dahan niya din ako’ng pinalapit sa kanya. “I’m sorry, That I’m so inlove with you…” Ipinatong niya ang noo niya sa balikat ko.

Hinawakan ko ang ulo nya’ng nagpapahinga sa balikat ko, hinaplos ko ang buhok niya para kahit papaano mabawasan kung anuman ’yung nararamdaman niya. Lumapit ako sa kanya at hinalikan ang gilid ng noo niya.

I closed my eyes and felt his comforting and tight hug. I slightly pressed my head to him.

“Please, we are just like this.” I whispered softly as I caressed his hair. He remained hugging me, very tightly and did not want to let go of me. I smiled at how I felt, I never thought I would feel more real to David the real rest and the real relieved in his arm.

I made a wrong choice then, I will make sure there is nothing more wasted between the two of us David and I, I need to correct my mistakes. I will not do anything that happened before, no more. I will never let my husband go.

Lumayo ako sa kanya ng dahan-dahan siya’ng umalis sa pagkakapatong sa balikat ko, muli siya’ng sumandal sa sandalan at tinignan ako. Pinigilan ko’ng mangiti ng nakita ko siya’ng nakangiti sa akin.

’Yung ngiti na kahit kailan hindi ko manlang nakita noon dahil sa mga nangyari, naramdaman ko ang haplos niya sa likod ko.

“Bakit ka nakangiti?” tanong ko, para’ng sasabog ’yung nararamdaman ko dahil hindi ko mapigilan ngumiti sa pinapakita niya. ’Ano’ng iniisip mo?“ kinagat ko ang ibaba’ng labi ko.

“Come on, Wifey, ngumiti ka na.” iniwas ko ang tingin sa kanya, nakayuko ako’ng ngumiti hindi ko siya kaya’ng titigan ng nakangiti ako kasi dahil naman sa kanya kung bakit ko ’to nararadaman. Nakakabaliw naman pala. “Tingin ka sa akin, ako naman dahilan kung bakit ka nakangiti. Iiiwasan mo pa.”

Damn, David

“Tigilan mo ko, David.” kaagad ako’ng nagtago sa leeg niya, ayoko talaga’ng makita niya ako’ng nakangiti. Kumapit at muli ako’ng yumakap sa leeg niya.

“Miss kita sobra…” muli niya ako’ng kinulong sa yakap niya, mas lalo ko’ng naramdaman ang mahigpit niya’ng yakap sa akin.

“Akala ko hindi na kita makikita.” Hinaplos ko ang buhok niya. Pinapanood lang niya ako habang patuloy ko’ng hinahaplos ang buhok niya. “Akala ko ’di ka na talaga babalik.” muli ko siya’ng tinignan at nagtama ang oaningin naming dalawa. Ngayon ko lang siya ulit naramdaman na ganito kalapit sa akin, nang hindi na nasasaktan ang mga tingin sa akin.

“Babalik ako, ’di ko plano’ng hindi na bumalik.” sambit niya. “Natagalan ako’ng umuwi dahil madami ako’ng kailangang gawin sa iba’ng bansa.” bumaba muli ang kamay ko sa dibdib niya.

I really want him to say something to me so that somehow I can understand him because I have not understood him for several years.

“All right, just tell a story. I’ll listen.” I smiled at him causing him to smile even more and avert his gaze from me. But his smiles could not erase.

“Ow, David, tell me a story, what you did while you were abroad.” he hadn’t looked back at me, his smile widened and his ears became redder. “Your ears are red.” hinawakan ko ulit ang buhok niya. “David, tumingin ka na sa akin.” kahit ako hindi ko ding maiwasang mangiti sa kanya, lalo na namumula siya.

“Uhh…” mabilis niya binaon sa leeg ko ang mukha niya dahilan para hindi ko nanaman siya makita. Nararamdaman ko pa din ang ngiti niya sa leeg ko. “Madami…madami ako’ng naging trabaho at abala’ng-abala noon.” mas humigpit ang yakap at kapit niya sa likod ko.

“What about Tito and Tita?” tanong ko habang hinahaplos ang buhok at likod niya.

“Hindi ko sila masyado’ng pinatatrabaho noon.”

“Bakit?”

“Wala masyado’ng ginagawa sa kompanya at hotel namin sa Finland, ako at sina Aya lang.” naramdaman ko ang paghalik niya sa leeg ko. “Hindi sanay si Mommy noon pala’ng roon, kaya pagkatapos ng ilang taon binalik niya ako dito para sa kompanya namin.”

His palms continue to caress my body, the more I want to stay in his arms. “Tulungan ko na din daw ulit sina Tito Reynaldo…” kinuskos niya ang mukha niya sa leeg ko. “Gusto ko naman talaga’ng umuwi na…gusto na kita’ng balikan dito.”

Yes, I’m glad you came back, I will never regret feel you again.

“I’m sorry, if I leave–” I cut him off.

“It’s my fault why you left, you left because you can no longer handle the pain I caused.” I tightened my hug with him while still speaking. “I’m sorry, So sorry.”

“Hindi na ako aalis…nagtiis ako..hindi ko kaya na wala ka.” lumayo siya sa akin. Ngumiti ako ng makita ko nanaman siya. ’Hindi na ako aalis…hindi na…“

“I want to be better..I want to be better for you…” dahan-dahan ko’ng hinaplos ang pisngi niya. “Give me a chance…I will prove how I feel about you… “

He held my hand on his cheek.

“If you push me away again … I will not leave again …” he closed his eyes and felt my caress. “Give me a chance too … I will prove too.” he also caressed my knuckle. “I’m still very happy, you became my wife.”

I smiled even though he could not see me, I smiled. I’m happy because I feel like he feels better now that he’s here. He is still here. I approached his and tenderly kissed his forehead.

I kissed him for a long time on his forehead, for a long time I wanted him to feel everything now where I was missing then. Bumaba ang halik ko sa gilid ng ilong niya.

“Welcome back…”

“Thank you, I am very welcome in your arms…” dama’ng-dama niya ang bawat yakap at halik ko, ayaw na niya’ng bumitaw.

Hindi na  bibitaw…hindi na.

“Mommies, Daddies!” bigla na lang tumakbo sa amin si Aleah habang hawak ang kamay ni Hailey halos hila-hila niya din. Napatingin kami ng mga pinsan ko sa kanila.

“Why, Baby?” umupo ako para mapantayan ko sila’ng dalawa. Hinawakan ko sila pareho ni Hailey. “Nagugutom na ba kayo?”

“Mommy, where’s Daddy?” kumapit sa akin si Aleah nang hindi pa din niya binibitawan si Hailey.

“Nasa office niya sa taas, Baby…bababa din siya kaagad may ibinigay lang siya kay Lolo..”

“Mommy, laro kami ni Aleah!” si Hailey habang hinahila si Maya, “Mommy, mommy” nilingon ko siya habang nakangiti at tawag nang tawag sa Mommy niya. “Maglalaro po kami,”

“Sige, Baby. Tawagan namin kayo kapag kakain na.” I kissed them both on the forehead. “Be careful when playing.” they nodded at me and ran into the living room.

“They’re really cute.” Cristal while eating a cupcake. “Bakit hindi na lang si–”

“Cristal, Mapaptay kita, ’wag mo nang ituloy..” Maya and threatened to look at Cristal. Humagalpak ng tawa sina Abby sa sinabi nito, hindi pa tumigil si Joshua at nagawa pa talaga’ng makisali.

“Bakit bagay naman sila”

“Bata pa sila, Pre” si Vlad na nakisali na din. “Mga bata pa sila, ’wag na muna’ng ganya–”

“Ano’ng ’wag muna? “Wag talaga.” naiinis na hinaplos ni Maya ang table. Tinitignan kami’ng lahat. “Naiinis ako, tigilan ninyo ’yan”

“Bakit ang init ng ulo mo, Wifey?” Yumapos kaagad si Vlad sa asawa niya. Vlad smiled as he hugged Maya even though she was annoyed with him. “Do you have ? Okay, okay we’ll stop. Don’t be angry.” Vlad kissed Maya on the cheek.

“Stop.” I scolded Cris because there was no stopping the laughter. “Stop that.” saway ko nanaman dahil wala na ata sila’ng balak tumigil, Hindi ko din naman magugustuhan kung magagalit pa si Maya.

“I’m pregnant again, Vlad.” We were all stunned, my cousins ​​who had been laughing before were silent.

I turned to Vlad, he turned away from Maya because of what she said and could not hide the shock on his face.

“Pregnant again, Love? We will have children again?” Gradually a smile flashed on Vlad’s lips. ’Love, are you sure? “

“Oo malamang, katawan ko ’to. Mukha ba ako’ng nagbibiro?” Even my cousin is serious I can’t help but laugh when his head is hot. Maya is really different when she is no longer in the mood. “Magkakaroon na ng kapatid si Hailey.”

Hindi maiwasan ni Vlad ang matuwa habang tinitignan si Maya, hindi niya maitago ang saya niya dahil halos ikulong niya sa bisig niya si Maya.

“Kanina ko lang din nalaman, noong umalis ka.” yumakap si Maya sa kanya pabalik. Her husband hugged her tightly with great joy, Vlad almost did not want to let her go.

“It’s okay, Love …” Vlad released a hug and held her hand. “I will still take care of you …”

“I love you.” sambit ni Maya at pinahinga ang ulo niya sa balikat ni Vlad. “I love you, always.”

“I love you so much, Maya.” I can’t help but smile, I’m really happy for them because I know Vlad took care of Maya, he doesn’t neglect her. I never saw him lose her husband.

He found the real person for him… I am happy because she found Vlad. She found her true home and family.

“Okay, si Valerie na lang kulang.” si Abby at si Valerie naman ang pinagtripan. “So, Ano? Wala pa ba?” nakakaloko’ng dagdag nito sa kanya.

“Wala pa…” Valerie did not look at us, she remained bent over. It seems like only this morning she was telling Pert to us but now there seems to be a problem.

“Val —” I was stunned when we suddenly saw her slowly crying. Nnagingnig ang mga labi niya habang patuloy na umiiyak. “Val, ano’ng problema?” lumapit ako sa kanya at hinawakan siya. Iyak pa din siya ng iyak.

“Val, ano’ng problema? Ano’ng ginawa ni Pert?” si Cris na lumapit na din sa tabi niya. “Val,”

“I saw him earlier when we bought a snack …” she covered her face. “I saw him… kissing his ex.”

Chapter 43

Agustina

“Ang kapal naman ng mukha mo’ng magpakita dito.”

pinigilan ko si Cris ng akmang lalapit na kay Pert, tinignan ko si Pert na umiiyak sa katapat ng pintuan, nakatingin kay Valerie na umiiyak pa din hanggang ngayon.

“Umalis ka na dito, Pert.” The weight of the feeling, the pain in me because I also trusted Pert but he did not take good care of my cousin.

“Pert, please leave…” Abby forcing him to talk. But Pert just cried and cried, sobbing in tears. I find it difficult to look at him and I am even more nervous than I can see. Nahahalo na sa utak ko kung ano’ng ibig sabihin kung bakit siya umiiyak, nahihirapan siya’ng umiiyak.

Para ako’ng tanga, may ibig sabihin kung bakit siya umiiyak.

“V-Val…” nanginginig ang mga labi niya. “I’m sorry…”

“Sorry? Gago ka ba?” pinigilan ni Maya si Joshua dahil ayaw niyang magpa-awat at gusto’ng sugudin si Pert. “Sinaktan mo si Valerie, putangia, ano’ng iniiyak-iyak mo?” nakisali na si Vlad dahil ayaw nito’ng magpigil.

I was even more hurt because I could hear Valerie sobbs louder behind us. She’s crying something I don’t want to hear. I don’t want to hear those cries from them. Hindi ko kaya’ng marinig sa kanila iyon.

“I’m sorry…I-I n-need…” patuloy din na umiiyak si Pert.  Hindi ko alam  kung ano’ng mararamdaman ko, sana mali ’yung naiisip ko, sana hindi totoo dahil hindi ko din matatanggap.

“W-Why…P-Pert…” si Valerie, dahan-dahan siya’ng tumayo.

“I’m sorry…Gia is pregnant with m-me…” My chest throbbed loudly, while Pert’s words would be repeated in my brain over and over again. “I-I n-need to…c-choose her..”

Pregnant? Gia is his ex?

“I-I’m sorry … I-I c-chea–”

“Gago ka!” mabilis na tinulak ni Joshua si Vlad at sinugod kaagad ng suntok si Pert, napahiyaw sina Abby dahil sa ginawa ni Joshua, natumba si Pert at natumba pa sa labas ng bahay.

“Agustina!” napalingon ako sa tumawag sa akin, si David na nagmamadali’ng bumaba ng hagdanan habang nakasunod sina Daddy sa kanya.

“Ano’ng nangyayari Joshua!” nakitakbo si Daddy pababa ng hagdan. Muli ko’ng nilingon si Joshua na halos dinamayan na ni Cris kay Pert.

“Cris, Pert! Tama na!” tinulungan ni Abby si Vlad kakaakwat kina Joshua na halos nakakailang suntok na kay Pert sa labas.  Mabilis ako’ng nakisalo sa kanila hindi na hinintay pa’ng makalapit sa aki  si David, kailangan ko sila’ng mapigilan.

“Joshua! Joshua! Tama na” hinablot ko si Joshua at pilit na nilayo siya kay Pert. I didn’t know what to do, I felt sorry for Pert, his face was covered in blood when Cris and Joshua punched him.

David pulled Abby and he pulled Cris.

“You cheater, you idiot!” Daddy took Joshua away from Pert.

I was so nervous to leave Pert alone in the middle, unable to stand and his face was covered in blood almost unrecognizable.

“Stop!” Daddy yelled at Joshua, “That’s enough!”

“Tito, Tita, si Valerie!” Shit, shit, shit what’s going on.

As soon as I entered the house, I found Valerie lying on the floor while Cristal hugged her. “Agu… S-Si Valerie …” she looked at me crying.

I no longer knew how I would feel, I approached him and took Val to him, I lifted Val. My lips trembled as I looked at her as I did, I hurried out. Nagtama ang paningin naming dalawa ni David, hawak nila pareho si Pert na nahihirapang tumayo.

“Ano’ng nangyari?!” sinalubong ako kaagad nina Abby.

“Pupunta tayo’ng hospital! Please, Abby” pinilit ko’ng maging normal kahit hindi ko magawa, nahihirapan ako’ng tumingin sa mga pinsan ko. Nilagpasan ko sila at pumunta sa garahe, kaagad ko’ng sinakyan si Valerie sa likod.

Kailangan namin siya’ng madala kaagad sa hospital, kailangan. Hindi pwede’ng hindi ko iyon mamadaliin.

Tangina.

Abby and I were restless waiting for the doctor to come out of the room, I don’t know what else to think. We do not know what happened to Valerie.

“Where are they Daddy?” I remained standing in front of the door. My chest was still beating so hard.

“They’re not replying” Abby said, she hurriedly typed on her phone, “even though Vlad wasn’t. “

Cristal was next to her, leaning back in her chair and looking almost confused, we no longer knew what to think.

Si Pert? How is Pert? I don’t even want him to do anything bad.

“The patient’s family?” Abby stood up immediately after the Doctor came out the room.

“She is our cousin.” I approached the Doctor. “How is Abby?” I asked further.

“The Patient is pregnant…” I stared at the Doctor, my heartbeat quickened at what I heard. Is Valerie pregnant? Valerie is pregnant …. “You can come in now. Excuse me…” I could not thank the Doctor, I could not speak to him.

I forced myself to walk, into his room even though I was having a hard time. I can’t accept why when Valerie was pregnant then it all happened.

I stopped crying even though I wanted to cry, because I knew Valerie would be hurt more when she found out about her condition now. Lumapit si Abby sa hospital bed niya, umiiyak siya nito’ng hinawakan at umupo sa tabi niya.

“V-Val…” binaba ko ang tingin ko nang mag-iyakan sina Cristal at Abby sa kanya. Oo iniiyakan namin ’yung magiging kalagayan niya at noong magiging anak niya dahil una sa lahat, paggising niya mas maiisip niya pa ang ginawa ni Pert kesa sa bata’ng sinapupunan niya.

It hasn’t happened yet but I really don’t want it to happen, I don’t want to be able to see him struggling. I can’t see everything.

I left the room, closed the door and sat in the chair on the side. I want to think but I do not know what to think, I can not think sensibly.

I feel so heavy, I can’t fight.

Tinakpan ko ang mukha ko, hindi ko mapigilan ang iyak ko, hindi ko na kaya’ng pigilan pa. I will think and I will still think what will happen. Pert did not know that Valerie was pregnant with him. I know Pert is her first boyfriend, Pert is the first.

So there is no doubt, Pert is the father of the child in Valerie’s womb. He’s the father…but also…Father of his ex’s child…

“Baby…” I slowly turned around, that voice I knew who. “I’m here … I’m sorry, I’m late.”

I tried not to cry to him, I stood up even though my whole body was weakening. I slowly approached him.

“Baby…” sinalubong niya ako kaagad ng yakap, mahigpit niya ako’ng niyayakap. “Umiyak ka lang…nandito na ako…” I bit my lip and buried my face in his shoulder, I cried all the time I could not stop I would rather cry in David’s arms, just him.

“I’m here …” he said again and still not satisfied with the hug with me, he buried me even more in his arms. Umiyak ako ng umiyak sa balikat niya, hindi ako makukunteto kung masasaktan lang din lalo si Valerie paggising niya.

“V-Valerie…she’s…p-pregnant, D-David…” The more I sobbs, the more hurt I became. I do not want to accept, I do not want to accept because Pert has chosen someone else, not Valerie but Gia. He chose his ex.

Is there anything else we can do there? Should there be? I don’t know if I will believe everything Joshua said, Pert is a cheater… he cheated on my cousin.

“If you want, just cry again.” hinawakan ako ni David, nakapatong lang ang ulo ko sa balikat niya. Nadama ko ang paghalik niya sa ulo ko. “I’m just here.”

“Be with me…no matter what happens…” pumikit ako muli, kahit papaano naramdaman ko mawalan ng iiiyak. Wala ng lumalabas sa mata ko pero nandun padin ang sakit.

“Kahit ’di mo sabihin…” humigpit ang hawal niya sa kamay ko.

I want him on my side, dito lang siya at ayos na sa akin. Masaya na ako maramdaman ko lang siya.

“Thank you.”

Gumalaw ang kabila’ng kamay niya at hinaplos ang balikat ko. Pinapakiramdaman ko ang sarili ko, wala na ako’ng narinig pa sa kanya tanging haplos na lang niya sa katawan ko ang nararamdaman ko.

Gusto ko muna magpahinga, gusto ko muna magpahinga kasama siya.

Ilang minuto ako’ng namahinga sa kanya, nagpapahinga at mas lalo niya ako’ng hinahawakan, nakuha na din kahit papaano ang lakas na hinahanap ko. Hindi na ako muli’ng nagsalita, nag-iisip pa din ako kung ano’ng pwede naming gawin para kay Valerie, para sa lahat. Hindi lang siya maapektuhan dahil talaga’ng dadamdamin niya ang lahat.

“Baby, how’s Valerie now?” hinaplos ni David ang kamay ko. I shook even though my head was still resting on his shoulder.

“I went out right away, he was still asleep when I came out …” I said softly, I still felt heavy, I was especially hurt while thinking.

“Agu, David” I left leaning on David, I turned to Cristal who was peeked at the door. “Val is awake” I could see in her eyes that he was having a hard time, I slowly stood up still holding David’s hand.

“We’ll be next …” she nodded at us and entered the room again. Bahagya ko’ng nilingon si David, nakatingin din siya sa aklin. “Nasaan sina Mommy? Sina Joshua? Si Pert?” sunod-sunod ko’ng tanong sa kanya. “Nasaan sila’ng lahat?”

“Sina Joshua at Cris, naiwan kay Maya sa bahay…” nilingon niya ang pintuan, “Sina Tito dinala sa iba’ng hospital si Pert.” nakatingin lang ako sa dibdib niya. “Puntahan na natin si Val, halika na”

Dahan-dahan ako’ng tumango, hindi ko pa din siya nagagawa’ng tignan. “V-Val” hinawakan ko ang kamay niya, umupo ako kung saan nakaupo si Abby.

“I-I’m pregnant?” Wala’ng tigil ako pag-agos ng luha niya sa mga mat niya, nanginginig ang mga labi. “T-Totoo?” Nangingnig na humawak sa tyan niya.

“B-Buntis ka.” Hinigpitan ko ang hawak sa kanya, nararamdaman ko ang gabay ni David sa akin sa likod. “S-Sinabi ng Doctor.”

Binaba niya ang tingin muli sa tyan niya. Hindi siya nagsalita tinitignan ko lang siya habang nagpipigil ako ng luha ko kahit gusto na talaga’ng umiyak.

Masakit sobra, siya pala’ng alam ko’ng nahihirapan na siya. Hindi pa niya kakayanin.

Kailangan niya ng alalay.

We are having a hard time, so much hard time. But we need to do the right…

Chapter 44

Agustina

“Ano’ng masakit sa’yo? Ano’ng gusto mo, Val?” Tanong ni Joshua sa kanya. Tinignan namin si Valerie na natahimik lang habang nasa tapat ng bintana, nagpapahangin at nakatulala lang sa kawalan.

Isa’ng buwan mula nang mangyari ang hindi dapat mangyari, isa’ng buwan na din mula noong matino pa naming nakakausap si Val, ngayon halos hindi na namin makausap, hindi sumasagot at wala kami’ng balak kibuin.

Sa loob ng isa’ng buwan hindi ko din maiwasang mapraning sa nararamdaman ko, sa kakaselos ko tuwing iniisip ko kung ano’ng ginagawa ni Kate sa opisina ni David araw-araw. Hindi ko alam kung ano pa’ng ginagawa niya roon, malinaw na malinaw naman sa akin na ayaw na ni David sa kanya. Malinaw sa akin iyon.

Pero tuwing naiisip ko hindi ko maiwasang hindi mag-isip ng kung ano-ano dahil si Kate iyon, madami siya’ng pwede’ng gawin para lang bumalik sa kanya si David. At dun ako natatakot, sa pwede’ng mangyari.

I looked at the door that opened, Mommy came in with some food for Valerie. We all gather here in his room because we are afraid of what he can do to himself.

It has not been many months, even after that I do not know what else should happen.

Mommy and I stared at each other. Hindi pa nakakarating ang mga magulang ni Val dito sa pilipinas, isa’ng linggo pala’ng noon ng malaman nila’ng buntis ang nag-iisa nila’ng anak, gano’n na lang ang galit nila nang malaman. Iba sina Tito pagdating sa anak nila, hindi sila papayag na ganyan ang mangyari.

“Valerie, hija, Hindi mo raw sinasagot ang tawag ng magulang mo.” Mommy put her food tray on the table next to Valerie. “They’re worried about you” hinihintay ko kung makukuha pa ba’ng sumagot ni Valerie pero lumipas ang minuto hindi siya nagsalita. “Uuwi na sila next week, tinapos na ang gawain nila.”

Umuwi ako sa kama katabi ni Maya, hawak na ang tyan niya. “Mom,” tawag ko, nilingon ako ni Mommy patuloy niya kasi’ng kinakausap pa ang pinsan ko. “Ano pa po’ng sabi nina Tito?” tanong ko.

“Wala na sila’ng iba’ng sinabi, si Valerie lang palagi ang tinatanong nila sa akin.” sagot niya nilingon niya’ng muli ang pinsan ko. “Hija, makakasama iyan sa baby mo.” hinawakan niya si Valerie.

“Ayos lang po ako,” I stared at Valerie’s back, wondering what I could do to her. Just to alleviate the pain she feels but I do not know how.

I’ve been thinking for days and months but I can’t think of anything sensible.

What to do? Is there anything else to do? What and how?

“Tita, ano po ba’ng pwede naming gawin?” tanong ni Abby kay Mommy, nasa sala kami at hinayaan na muna naming matulog si Valerie sa kwarto niya. Kailangan naman niya’ng magpahinga.

“Hindi ko alam…nakikita ko’ng hindi niya pa din kaya’ng tanggapin ang lahat.” humawak si Mommy sa noo niya, para ba’ng mas malaki din ang problema niya. “Buntis si Valerie, hindi magiging maganda sa baby niya kung ganyan ang nararamdaman at kinikilos niya. Isa’ng buwan na.”

“Hindi na maganda ang lagay niya, mas maapektuhan ang bata.” tinignan ko ang mga kamay ko na nakapato’ng sa lamesa. Kailangan ko’ng mag-isip, dapat may gawin ako kahit ano.

“Babalik naman na sina Tito rito…hayaan nating sumama siya.” nilingon nila ako’ng lahat, hindi sila papayag pero mas makakabuti iyon kay Val. Hangga’t nandito siya hindi niya magagawa’ng maging maayos.

“Iyon na lang ang tanging gusto ko’ng mangyari, mahirap naman sa akin pero hangga’t nandito si Valerie hindi siya magiging maayos.” Mommy looked at me for a moment, thinking about what I had said.

“Sino’ng mag-aalaga sa kanya? Abala sina Tito” si Joshua, tinanguan ko siya.

“Si Mia, siya ang isasama ko para mag-alaga kay Valerie sa iba’ng bansa.” I don’t spend much time with Mia every day because she is so busy being Daddy’s assistant in the office, we don’t see each other anymore. “Alam ko’ng kuntento na si Valerie sa isa’ng tao’ng mag-aalaga sa kanya.”

“Kakausapin ko ang Daddy mo, pati siya ay nag-aalala na sa pinsan mo.” si Mommy. “Hindi magiging maganda kung nandito siya.” I will do the right thing and it will be my decision. I also need to talk to Valerie even though I know she will ignore me.

“I’ll talk to Valerie later, I need to talk to her like this.” I leaned back in my chair.

“It’s only right that we do this” Cristal said “I can’t bear to see Valerie struggling every day”

“Maganda’ng umaga po.” kapapasok lang ni Maxl, madami siya’ng dala’ng supot halos lahat ay puro pagkain lang.

“Love” tumayo kaagad si Abby at sinalubo’ng ang girlfriend niya. “Hindi ka tumawag?” yumakap kaagad sa kanya si Maxl, ilang araw na din sila’ng halos hindi magkasama dahil sa problema namin, kay Valerie. At may trabaho si Maxl sa ilang araw na iyon.

“Tumawag, Love. Naiwan mo ata ang phone mo.” bumitaw si Maxl sa yakap sa kanya. :May dala ako’ng pagkain, kumain ka na ba?“ tanong nito sa kanya. “Kayo?”

“Hindi pa kami kumakain, hija.” si Mommy nginitian si Maxl “Halika, ang dami mo’ng binili kainin natin. Makisalo ka din sa amin.” inilapag ni Maxl ang lahat ng binili niya sa table, ibinasta iyon ni Maya at Cristal.

“Thank you po, Tita”

I was talking to Maxl while we were eating because I was just next to him. I also want to ask him many more questions.

“Maxl, when is the plan?” she turned to me, confused looking at me. “I mean, when are you going to marry Abby? Do you have a plan?” I whispered to her I didn’t want Abby to hear me first.

I smiled when I saw her smile, I knew what that smile was.

“Her birthday is over … but on my birthday.”

“Do you already have a ring?” I can’t help but smile.

“There it is, I just bought it earlier.”

“Ano’ng pinag-uusapan n’yo?” tanong ni Joshua nakagat na burger sa bibig niya. Lumayo ako kay Maxl dahil tumingin na sa akin si Abby. “Ano sinasabi mo?”

“Tungkol sa trabaho niya, ang ganda niya talaga kumuha ng litrato” nakangiti’ng kumain ako ng fried rice at burgersteak sa plato ko. “Diba, Abby?” nilipat ko ang tingin ko kay Abby.

“Oo naman, ang ganda niya pa din kumuha.” matamis niya’ng nginitian ang girlfriend niya. “Love, pwede ka matulog ngayon dito?” nakakaloko’ng ngumiti ako kay Abby. “Namiss kita, pwede ka?”

“Oo naman, wala ako’ng kasama palagi sa bahay. Dito na lang ako kung papayag si Tita.” nilingon niya si Mommy.

“Bahala kayo, bahay ninyo naman ’to lahat.” tinatanguan lang niya kami. “Kayo ang bahala, hindi kami nakikielam ni Reynaldo.”

At noon I went up to Valerie’s food again, I hope she is awake because what time is she and I need to talk to her.

When I entered her room I found Valerie sitting on her bed and looking out the window. I can still see that her eyes are very tired.

“Val,” I closed the door and finally entered, feeling very heavy as I approached her on the bed and landed what I was carrying on the table.

“Val, have lunch first …” I sat down next to him, he did not look at me only she was looking out the window. Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya’ng nakapato’ng sa hita niya. Ayoko siya’ng ganito, tama lang ang naging desisyon namin. “Val, nakapagdesisyon na kami…” hindi pa niya ako nililingon pero nagpatuloy ako sa pagsasalita.

“Sumama kina Tito Avin sa ibang bansa, doon ka na muna manatili…” I reached for her face and caressed it. We are not complete but that needs to be real for her. It would be even harder for us if she was like this.

“Please, that’s all we can do. As long as you’re here you won’t be fine …”

“Hindi ko na kaya…” kinagat ko ang labi ko, alam ko hindi na niya kaya. Mas hindi ko kaya’ng sinasaktan niya ang sarili niya. “Ayoko na…” lumapit ako sa kanya at mabilis siya’ng niyakap. Ayoko’ng bumitaw siya, nandito pa din ako, nandito pa din kami para sa kanya.

“Val, huwag ka’ng sumuko, ’wag ka’ng bibitaw…kailangan ka ng anak mo.” mahigpit ko siya’ng niyakap. “Nandito pa din kami, gagawin namin ’to para sa’yo.” I looked at the door that opened, Mommy came in with some food for Valerie. We all gather here in his room because we are afraid of what he can do to himself.

It has not been many months, even after that I do not know what else should happen.

Mommy and I stared at each other. Hindi pa nakakarating ang mga magulang ni Val dito sa pilipinas, isa’ng linggo pala’ng noon ng malaman nila’ng buntis ang nag-iisa nila’ng anak, gano’n na lang ang galit nila nang malaman. Iba sina Tito pagdating sa anak nila, hindi sila papayag na ganyan ang mangyari.

“Valerie, hija, Hindi mo raw sinasagot ang tawag ng magulang mo.” Mommy put her food tray on the table next to Valerie. “They’re worried about you” hinihintay ko kung makukuha pa ba’ng sumagot ni Valerie pero lumipas ang minuto hindi siya nagsalita. “Uuwi na sila next week, tinapos na ang gawain nila.”

Umuwi ako sa kama katabi ni Maya, hawak na ang tyan niya. “Mom,” tawag ko, nilingon ako ni Mommy patuloy niya kasi’ng kinakausap pa ang pinsan ko. “Ano pa po’ng sabi nina Tito?” tanong ko.

“Wala na sila’ng iba’ng sinabi, si Valerie lang palagi ang tinatanong nila sa akin.” sagot niya nilingon niya’ng muli ang pinsan ko. “Hija, makakasama iyan sa baby mo.” hinawakan niya si Valerie.

“Ayos lang po ako,” I stared at Valerie’s back, wondering what I could do to her. Just to alleviate the pain she feels but I do not know how.

I’ve been thinking for days and months but I can’t think of anything sensible.

What to do? Is there anything else to do? What and how?

“Tita, ano po ba’ng pwede naming gawin?” tanong ni Abby kay Mommy, nasa sala kami at hinayaan na muna naming matulog si Valerie sa kwarto niya. Kailangan naman niya’ng magpahinga.

“Hindi ko alam…nakikita ko’ng hindi niya pa din kaya’ng tanggapin ang lahat.” humawak si Mommy sa noo niya, para ba’ng mas malaki din ang problema niya. “Buntis si Valerie, hindi magiging maganda sa baby niya kung ganyan ang nararamdaman at kinikilos niya. Isa’ng buwan na.”

“Hindi na maganda ang lagay niya, mas maapektuhan ang bata.” tinignan ko ang mga kamay ko na nakapato’ng sa lamesa. Kailangan ko’ng mag-isip, dapat may gawin ako kahit ano.

“Babalik naman na sina Tito rito…hayaan nating sumama siya.” nilingon nila ako’ng lahat, hindi sila papayag pero mas makakabuti iyon kay Val. Hangga’t nandito siya hindi niya magagawa’ng maging maayos.

“Iyon na lang ang tanging gusto ko’ng mangyari, mahirap naman sa akin pero hangga’t nandito si Valerie hindi siya magiging maayos.” Mommy looked at me for a moment, thinking about what I had said.

“Sino’ng mag-aalaga sa kanya? Abala sina Tito” si Joshua, tinanguan ko siya.

“Si Mia, siya ang isasama ko para mag-alaga kay Valerie sa iba’ng bansa.” I don’t spend much time with Mia every day because she is so busy being Daddy’s assistant in the office, we don’t see each other anymore. “Alam ko’ng kuntento na si Valerie sa isa’ng tao’ng mag-aalaga sa kanya.”

“Kakausapin ko ang Daddy mo, pati siya ay nag-aalala na sa pinsan mo.” si Mommy. “Hindi magiging maganda kung nandito siya.” I will do the right thing and it will be my decision. I also need to talk to Valerie even though I know she will ignore me.

“I’ll talk to Valerie later, I need to talk to her like this.” I leaned back in my chair.

“It’s only right that we do this” Cristal said “I can’t bear to see Valerie struggling every day”

“Maganda’ng umaga po.” kapapasok lang ni Maxl, madami siya’ng dala’ng supot halos lahat ay puro pagkain lang.

“Love” tumayo kaagad si Abby at sinalubo’ng ang girlfriend niya. “Hindi ka tumawag?” yumakap kaagad sa kanya si Maxl, ilang araw na din sila’ng halos hindi magkasama dahil sa problema namin, kay Valerie. At may trabaho si Maxl sa ilang araw na iyon.

“Tumawag, Love. Naiwan mo ata ang phone mo.” bumitaw si Maxl sa yakap sa kanya. :May dala ako’ng pagkain, kumain ka na ba?“ tanong nito sa kanya. “Kayo?”

“Hindi pa kami kumakain, hija.” si Mommy nginitian si Maxl “Halika, ang dami mo’ng binili kainin natin. Makisalo ka din sa amin.” inilapag ni Maxl ang lahat ng binili niya sa table, ibinasta iyon ni Maya at Cristal.

“Thank you po, Tita”

I was talking to Maxl while we were eating because I was just next to him. I also want to ask him many more questions.

“Maxl, when is the plan?” she turned to me, confused looking at me. “I mean, when are you going to marry Abby? Do you have a plan?” I whispered to her I didn’t want Abby to hear me first.

I smiled when I saw her smile, I knew what that smile was.

“Her birthday is over … but on my birthday.”

“Do you already have a ring?” I can’t help but smile.

“There it is, I just bought it earlier.”

“Ano’ng pinag-uusapan n’yo?” tanong ni Joshua nakagat na burger sa bibig niya. Lumayo ako kay Maxl dahil tumingin na sa akin si Abby. “Ano sinasabi mo?”

“Tungkol sa trabaho niya, ang ganda niya talaga kumuha ng litrato” nakangiti’ng kumain ako ng fried rice at burgersteak sa plato ko. “Diba, Abby?” nilipat ko ang tingin ko kay Abby.

“Oo naman, ang ganda niya pa din kumuha.” matamis niya’ng nginitian ang girlfriend niya. “Love, pwede ka matulog ngayon dito?” nakakaloko’ng ngumiti ako kay Abby. “Namiss kita, pwede ka?”

“Oo naman, wala ako’ng kasama palagi sa bahay. Dito na lang ako kung papayag si Tita.” nilingon niya si Mommy.

“Bahala kayo, bahay ninyo naman ’to lahat.” tinatanguan lang niya kami. “Kayo ang bahala, hindi kami nakikielam ni Reynaldo.”

At noon I went up to Valerie’s food again, I hope she is awake because what time is she and I need to talk to her.

When I entered her room I found Valerie sitting on her bed and looking out the window. I can still see that her eyes are very tired.

“Val,” I closed the door and finally entered, feeling very heavy as I approached her on the bed and landed what I was carrying on the table.

“Val, have lunch first …” I sat down next to him, he did not look at me only she was looking out the window. Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya’ng nakapato’ng sa hita niya. Ayoko siya’ng ganito, tama lang ang naging desisyon namin. “Val, nakapagdesisyon na kami…” hindi pa niya ako nililingon pero nagpatuloy ako sa pagsasalita.

“Sumama kina Tito Avin sa ibang bansa, doon ka na muna manatili…” I reached for her face and caressed it. We are not complete but that needs to be real for her. It would be even harder for us if she was like this.

“Please, that’s all we can do. As long as you’re here you won’t be fine …”

“Hindi ko na kaya…” kinagat ko ang labi ko, alam ko hindi na niya kaya. Mas hindi ko kaya’ng sinasaktan niya ang sarili niya. “Ayoko na…” Gradually I felt her hug me, the wetness of my clothes because of her crying. I cried even more when I heard her crying. I feel her too much.

Ito ’yung gusto ko nang matapos, alam ko kapag nasa ibang bansa na siya hindi na niya mararamdaman pa ang mga nararamdaman niya dito. Mas maalagaan at maging maayos siya sa iba.

Magiging maayos din siya, naniniwala ako. Magiging maayos din siya.

“Agu, how are you? Val?” David appeared to me as I came out of the bathroom. He just took off his coat.

He approached me immediately and hugged me, I could not speak. I don’t know if I should say okay or literally not. Mahigpit niya ako’ng niyayakap. Naramdaman ko din ang paghalik niya sa noo ko.

“May dala pala ako’ng paborito mo’ng black forest cake.” bahagya siya’ng lumayo hindi pa din ako nagsasalita. “Baby? Ano’ng problema?”

I have a lot of problems, I also think about what is happening to him in the office while I am away. I know that Kate will not stop him all the time and days that will pass. Everything I think will not change because that will add to my problem.

“Wala.” bumitaw ako ng yakap sa kanya at umupo na sa kama. Hindi ko alam kung ano’ng sasabihin ko. Mula kanina’ng umuga wala ako’ng inisip ko’ng ano nangyayari sa kanya roon. Pinagsasabay ko pag-iisip ko sa lahat.

Magulo ang utak ko ngayon, ’di ako makapag-isip ng maayos.

“Ano’ng problema?” nilapitan niya ako sa kamay, umupo kaagad sa tabi ko. “Hindi pa din ba nagsasalita si Valerie?” Hindi ko siya tinignan para’ng ayoko siya’ng tignan ngayon. Ang paranoid ko, hindi ko maiwasan.

“Hindi pa din. Magpalit ka na at magpahinga” sambit ko, nanatili ako’ng nakayuko at nakasandal sa kama. “Hintayin kita dito” I did not hear him speak, I knew he was looking at me and understanding what was happening to me.

“Agu, tell me what the problem is? Why are you like that?” I felt him hold my hand. “Hindi ako mapakali, ano’ng problema?”

Huminga ako ng malalim, naiinis ako na hindi ko alam. Naiinis ako kasi bakit ganito ’yung nararamdaman ko. Ilang buwan ko ng nararamdaman ko’to. Hindi ako masasanay, hindi’ng-hindi ako masasanay.

“Wala’ng problema, wala” nag-angat na ako ng tingin sa kanya, para matapos na ’to. May tiwala ako kay David pero hindi ko maiwasan ’yung isip ko na mag-isip ng kung ano-ano. “Agu, do we have a problem?” he said softly to me. “What’s the matter? Did I do something wrong?”

No, maybe it’s just my brain.

“I’m going crazy thinking” I averted my gaze from him. “Change, I’ll wait for you here.”

“I will not change until you say nothing”

“I’m jelous, David”

Chapter 45

WARNING: SPG

Agustina

Wala ako’ng narinig na kahit ano sa kanya. Alam ko nagseselos ako, nag-iisip ako ng hindi magaganda. Kasi si Kate ’yun, babae ’yun. Ako hindi.

“Agu, wala ako’ng ginagawa na naiisira nating dalawa.” mahina’ng sambit niya. “Hindi ako gumagawa ngm kahit na ano’ng ikakasakit mo.” Oo, ako lang naman ’yung hindi makaintindi, ako lang ’yung nag-iisip nang kung ano-ano sa kanya dahil wala ako sa tabi niya.

Aoko’ng mag-away kami pero hindi ko mapigilan ’yung sarili na mag-isip ng kung ano-ano. Kahit nagpapaliwanag na siya hindi ako mapakali. Kahit alam ko’ng nagsasabi siya ng totoo eto pa din ako.

“Agu, Magtiwala ka sa akin. Hindi kita bibiguan.” Hanngang ngayon naalala ko parin ang panaginip ko ilang taon ng lumipas. Napanaginip ko kasama siya noon. Kailangan ko namang ibigay ang tiwala ko pero hindi na muna lahat.

He hold my hands and grip them tightly. “Ginagawa ko ang lahat, huwag ka lang mawala sa akin ulit.” I looked at him slowly. He stared at me, he did not remove until I moved to him.

“Agu, I don’t feel for Kate anymore … you are the one I love.” he caressed my hand. “I will always show you that you are the only one…” I leaned my forehead against his cheek. “Hindi ako sanay na ang lamig mo sa akin, na ganyan ka”

Yumakap siya kaagad sa likod ko at kinabig ako ng sobra. Nararamdaman ko ang katawan naming dalawa sa paraang ng pagyakap niya sa akin. “Hindi kita magagawa’ng lokohin…hindi”  He moved and reached for my forehead to kiss. “Give me your trust, I will not disappoint you” he kissed me on the forehead for a long time. I can feel his full love.

He slightly turned his face away from me, “I will do nothing just to make you angry with me.”

I hugged him immediately. I do not know what to say, I still can not get rid of what I should not think.

He immediately hugged me. “I love you, please always remember that” his face sank into my shoulder. His pleasure caress to me.

Only in David can I really feel true love, real comfort in his arms. Only with him, I was so stupid then but with him now.

I’m glad he still gets to respect me even though I did a lot of bad things to him. Nandito pa din siya, sa akin pa din niya gusto. Hindi ako bumitaw sa kanya gusto ko siya’ng yakapin hanggang sa mawala ang lahat ng iniisip ko kailangan kong magtiwala sa kanya.

Halos umupo na ako ulit sa kandungan niya dahil sa yakap ko. Gusto ko palagi sa kanya, sa sarili niya masaya na ako.

“Palagi mo’ng gusto sa kandungan ko, Agu” natatawa’ng sambit niya at sinilip ako. “Bihisan mo na din kaya ako” Humiwalay ako sa kanya ng yakap at tumingin sa kanya. Nakangiti siya sa akin na para ba’ng excited na excited. Sobra’ng saya niya. “Can you take care of me?”

I stroked his hair. I will never tire of caressing his hair all the time.

“Sure, baby, I’ll take care of you even if you don’t tell me” I left sitting on his lap. I got out of bed. “Will you take a bath? If you take a bath will I still bathe you?” sumilay ang ngiti sa labi niya.

Hindi naman siya pilyo pero para’ng gano’n na nga nakikita ko na. Hindi ko alam kung ano’ng irereact ko sa kanya. Nakaupo pa din siya sa kama at nakangiti sa akin.

“Oo, maliligo ako, paliliguan mo ’ko?” nakita ko pa ang paghaplos niya sa kama.

What the, David, ano nanaman ba ’to?

I nodded slowly I didn’t want to be infected with what he was thinking if there was one.

“Sure, come to the bathroom”

“Can you take a bath too? You can just get wet with water” I was still looking at him.

“Sa bathtub ka, roon kita paliliguan. Ayoko nang maligo, nakaligo na ako.” umalis siya sa kama at tumayo, napatingala ako sa kanya. “Magtanggal ka na ng damit mo at mauna ka na sa banyo.”

“Eh? Pwede mo naman ako makita habang naghuhubad.” I frowned. “Baby, my body is all yours” He teased and took off his top in front of me. “What do you want us to do–”

’Wala, David!“ angal ko kaagad, hinahawaan niya sa kamanyakan niya. Natigilan naman ako kaagad ng makita ko ang maganda’ng katawan niya, ayoko sana’ng tignan dahil tinitignan na niya ako kaso hindi ko naman maiwasan.

I couldn’t help but swallow, the beauty of David’s body, I had never seen him naked before I only saw him now.

I only saw him last time in a shirt but now he has almost removed all his top. Umiwas na ako ng tingin, hinawakan na niya ang belt ng pantalon niya.

“Ano’ng masasabi mo? Ang ganda ba ng katawan ko?” alam ko nang-aasar lang siya pero ayoko ng asar niya baka hindi ko pa siya paliguan. “Wifey…” naramdaman ko ang pagyakap niya sa likod ko, nahinga ako ng malalim ng maramdaman ko ang matigas niya’ng katawan.

“David…pumasok ka na sa banyo..” sobra’ng lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko. Oo mag-asawa kami pero iba pa din ’to ang awkward namin. Lalo na sa akin napaka advance ko mag-isip.

Nakikita ko pa kanina ’yung pawis na bumaba sa katawan niya, kurba’ng-kurba ang hubog ng katawan niya. He have a burning abs, I can’t.

“Halika, papasok na tayo” he grabbed my wrist and slowly made me walk as he walked. He just bottom pant and there was really no top.

He walked ahead of me, my throat tightened even more as I looked at his body, muscular muscular, his body was just right for him.

I swallowed and just looked down. We went into the bathroom and opened the bathtub in front of us.

“Nice bath now” I did not speak, I was still looking behind him. I can no longer remove. “Are you sure you can’t take a bath?” nilingon niya ako nag-angat na ako ng tingin. “Baby?”

“Do you want to take a bath with me?” mahina’ng tanong ko. Gusto niya talaga, para’ng hindi siya makakligo kung hindi ako kasama.

“Yes, I really want to take a bath with you…” kumuha siya ng dalawa’ng twalya sa gilid. “Kung hindi mo pa gusto’ng makita natin ang isa’t-isa tatalikod na muna ako. It’s okay, just take a bath with me, mauna ka na din sa bathtub”

Inabot niya sa akin  ang isa’ng twalya, “Hindi ako titingin pero kung ayaw mo naman paliguan mo na lang ako.”

Huminga ako ng malalim.“Sasabay na ako…” kinuha ko ang twalya at tumalikod na sa kanya.

“Maghuhubad na din ako.” nagsimula ako’ng maghubad kahit pa sobra’ng lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko. Kinakabahan ako na hindi ko mapaliwanag. Tinakip ko sa ibabang parte ko ang twalya na ibinigay niya. Mas gusto ko pa’ng takpan ibabang parte ko.

“Nandito na ako sa bathtub, hindi ako titingin please, punta ka na dito.” I slowly turned to him.

Actually we look like fools here but not really ready yet.

He turned around and faced the wall I slowly walked closer to it, I went inside the bathtub and I removed the cover. Nawala ang kaba ko nang maramdaman ko kung gaano kasarap ang tubig.

“David…” dahan-dahan siya’ng lumingon nakaharapan niya at magkatapat kami’ng dalawa. “Ayos na…” tinignan na niya ako. “Paliliguan na ba kita?”

“Oo, pwede na ba?” hindi siya makatingin sa akin kaya ’di ko maiwasang mabasa. “Makikita kita kapag pinaliguan mo ko”

There is nothing that can be done. We can do nothing both because he can see and he can really see my body by bathing him.

“It’s okay,” I slowly approached him, I could still feel our thighs both under the water. I can’t be bothered as if my chest is about to explode.

I even managed to reach the shower just to wet him hair, I caressed it and messed up just to get wet forever.

I know he can see my chest because he is taller I need to reach him. Mas lalo tuloy ako’ng namangha dahil mas lalo siya’ng naging gwapo sa paningin ko dahil sa basa niyang katawan at buhok.

“Bagay pala sa’yo ang basa ang buhok.” sinilip ko siya sa ibaba ko, nakatingin lang siya sa leeg ko.

“Lalo ako’ng naging gwapo sa paningin mo?” sumilay kaagad ang ngiti sa labi niya. “Gwapo ako, matagal na” His arm rested on my waist, caressing my back again.

I reached for the shampoo and applied it to her hair then rubbed it into his hair causing it to bubble. “Dati, si Mommy pa nagpapaligo sa akin, ngayon ikaw naman.”

Nagpatuloy ako sa papapaligo sa kanya habang nagkuwkento siya sa akin, kinuha ko naman ang sabon at tinulungan ko siya’ng ipahid lahat iyon sa katawan niya. “Paliguan mo na lang ako palagi, ha?” hinaplos ko ang dibdib niya ng sabon.

“Oo, paliliguan kita,” kinurot ko ang pisngi niya “Sabunin mo buo mo’ng katawan.” He put all his soap on his body, he laughed and told me everything.

“Before, did you know I cry when Mommy doesn’t bathe me” he muttered as I rinsed him. “I wish she was bathing me”

I laughed. “Don’t cry anymore, I’ll bathe you” inalis ko lahat ng bula sa katawan niya, sa buhok niya. Dapat malinis na siya ngayon dahil pinaliguan ko. Inayos ko ang buhok niya kahit pa nasa bathtub pa din kami.

“Tapos alagaan mo din ako, gusto ko ’yun” ngumiti siya ng matamis sa akin. Kanina pa hindi nawawala. Ngumiti ako sa kanya. “Saka noong bata ako, ayoko’ng wala si Daddy, gusto ko kasama namin siya ni Mommy palagi”

“Ayaw ko’ng wala si Daddy…kahit pa ’di niya ako totoo’ng anak.” binaba ko na ang tingin sa kanya, ilang tao ko din mula nalaman ko’ng hindi siya kay Tito Rafael. “Hindi ako nagalit o ano, mas lalo ko pa’ng nagustuhan si Daddy kahit pa sobra’ng nagalit siya sa akin noon. Mahal na mahal pa din niya ako”

Bumaba ang kamay ko sa pisngi niya at balikat, “Alam mo, si Daddy naging kadamay ko noon, Hindi niya ako iniwan. Nandyan siya palagi sa akin.”

“Kinausap ako ni Tito noong umalis ka, kinabukasan noong umalis ka.” Hinaplos ko ang pisngi niya. “Sinabi niya lahat ng nararamdaman mo, nagawa mo pa nga’ng kausapin sina Daddy.”

Nilapat niya ang mukha niya sa dibdib ko. Naramdaman ko siya dibdib ko lalo na ang paghinga niya.

“Your boobies are soft…” kaagad ako’ng pinamulahan. “Pwede ba ako’ng matulog dito mamaya?”

“Lakas ng kabog ng dibdib mo,” nakuha pa niya ako’ng pagtawanan. “Kinakabahan ka? Ang gwapo ko naman para kabahan ka sa akin.”

“Ang hangin mo naman, David” pinisil ko ang pisngi niya ng matagal “Nangigigil ako sa’yo.”

Tumawa siya, mas lalo ako’ng napatigtig sa kanya habang tumatawa siya, sobra’ng sarap niya sa pakiramdam tignan lalo na ang mga tawa niya, hindi pinakakaila sa akin na masaya talaga siya. Masaya na siya sa piling ko ngayon.

I caressed his cheek again, now my two hands are caressing his.

“David …” I pulled myself closer to him. He immediately looked up at me still smiling and had no intention of stopping smiling.

“Can I kiss you?” I could feel her breathing, we could feel each other especially the heartbeat of each other.

“Kiss me, I’m all yours…” dahan-dahan ako’ng lumapit sa kanya at masuyong-masuyo ko’ng inilapat ang labi ko sa labi niya. He’s right, he’s all mine, just mine. I slowly moved my lips to his, wanting to kiss him.

“Hmm …” I was even more excited when I heard her growl. I can already feel him below me. “Agu …” I did not let him speak, I kissed him even more.

“hmm …” he leaned on my waist. “Agu… I’m hard… get out of my lap” nilingkis ko ang katawan ko sa kanya. Nandito na din naman kami gawin na namin. I caressed his chest I no longer feel I can hold him forever, this is really what I want I can not avoid.

He reciprocated with a kiss to make me even more angry, we are now the same.

I’m hard too…

“uhh .. David…” his kiss fell on my neck, he kissed me non-stop. “Ahhh….” damn,

“Leave a mark…” I was able to tweak him as he sucked on my skin, his hand also became naughty on my body.

“Ahhh… hmm… David …”

Tangina almost lifted me away from the bathtub.

“D-David…” I clung to his neck, he still wouldn’t let go of me, “Uhmm….” he put me down in the sink.

“David…”

“Let’s make love.” His hand went down to my chest, caressing it the more I wanted him to feel what he was doing.

“Ahh … David …” I felt his hot tongue on my nipple, “Ahhh … ahh” I understood what he was doing.

fuck, he’s great

My body is so curvy with what he does, I really enjoy every tongue, caress and kiss of him.

“Agustina.” his lips caressed down my tummy, until his lips reached the lower part of my body.

“Ahh …” I touched his hair. “D-David, please …”

“What?” I moaned even more when I felt his hand there, the warmth of his hand. “Ohh… David… uhh…” I covered my lips because of the growl I was releasing.

“uhh …” he slowly raised and lowered his hand to me. “Ahh…:” bumilis ang pagtaas at pagbaba ng kamay niya. I’m so hot from what he’s doing. “Ahh … haaa … David … haaa” I immediately hid around his neck. “Ahh … David ….” but he didn’t want to let go of my manhood.

“Ahh…urg…”

“I like your moan…just moan.” kinagat niya ang balikat ko. At the same time, he licked me very much and I felt better.

“Davi– Ahh! … ahhh..fuck … uhh, David” tangina, I can no longer handle his hand moving on me.

“Ahh …”

“Ahhh … uhh … oohhh” fuck I can’t stop my growl. “haa …” I felt him stop.

“Come down and turn around.” Even though I was weak in my feelings I got down, as he said I turned around and put my hand in the sink.

“D-David …” I looked at his reflection in the mirror, he was behind me and separated my two thighs. “Ahh …” I moaned again as he caressed my hole.

“I want this.”

“A-Ahh …” he never stopped caressing, he was almost burying a reason to make me cry in pain.

Fuck, I can only see his manhood so I can no longer handle it.

“D-David, b-be gentle …” maayos siya’ng tumapat sa likod ko, hinawakan ang baywang ko.

“Yes…” “David ..” I was nervous, the first time David and I would do this we almost didn’t do it during our honeymoon.

“I’m ready,” I took a deep breath. “I love you”

I clung so tightly to the end of the vulture that I could feel his whole being slowly entering me.

“Hmm …” tangina, ang sakit. “Uhh..D-David…”

“Dahan-dahan ako…” bumaon ang mukha niya sa likod, nag-iiwan nanaman ng marka sa akin.

“Ahh…D-David…haaa…” He slowly crawled inside me, I still could not see the pain I was feeling in my hole.

“A-Ahh … ahh …”

“Agu …” David kissed my cheek from behind me, his hand rubbing against my chest as he thrust. “Ahh … you’re tight …”

“Ahh … ahh … uhh …” fuck he was thrusting fast. “A-Ahh! … hhaaa!” I growled louder and I could feel the fullness of him inside me. “a-ahh … ohhh..haaa”

“A-Ahh … D-David … f-fuck … a-ahh”

“Ahh! haaa…ahh…D-David…ahhh” He grabbed both of my waists and pushed himself further towards me.

“A-Ahh, D-David, i-it’s hu - a-ahh … haa … D-Davi - ahhh ..”

He hurriedly yelled at me, his manhood to the fullest. He is not satisfied and prefers what he does.

Damn, I feel like I have a fever.

“Urgg … h-haa … a-ahhh”

“Uh … ohh” I was even more dizzy because of his good growl, “uhh …”

“A-Ahh! David”

“ohh … uhh …”

“Ahh!… ahh! Fuck… ahh”

Napapapikit ao ng husto, hindi ko na alam kung saan ko ibabaling ang tingin ko dahil sa sarap na nararamadaman ko, hindi ko na masundan ang hininga ko.

“Ohh…D-David… a-ahhh, fuck! Ahhh…” yuimuko ako at mas kumapit sa lababo, gusto ko’ng kay David kumapit pero hindi ko na magagawa iyon dahil angkin na angkin na niya ako.

“Ahh…Damn, Wifey…uhh” his face sank to my shoulder still moving. “Ohh … i want more …”

“Ah! Ahh! … ah!” his speed makes me lose balance in his movements, “ahh … D-David …”

“Ahh … urgh … hhaaa”

“I want more…” he bit my neck again. “ohh …”

I almost moved too and our bodies collided because of his movements, damn, David’s speed I can’t seem to handle. Para’ng hindi na ako makakalakad bukas.

Mas lalo ako’ng tumuwad sa lababo, gusto’ng-gusto ko siya’ng maramdaman sa loob ko kahit para’ng ikakasira ko pa.

“Ahhh…a-ahhh…:”

“Ahh…D-David…ahh”

“Agustina…”

“Ahh…” I was holding his hand holding my chest when I felt his hot liquid inside me.

“Ahh …” he hugged me tightly. “I love you”

Chapter 46

Agustina

“David…” yumakap ako sa kanya habang nililinisan niya ako. Sobra ako’ng napagod pakiramdam ko pa para ako’ng binugbog sa nararamdaman ko. Hindi ko maiwasang mapaungol sa paraan ng paghaplos niya sa ibaba’ng parte ko at sa likod.

“I’m sorry, matatapos na huwag ka muna matutulog.” mas lalo ako’ng yumakap sa batok niya, alam ko nahihirapan siya’ng linisan ako pero mas gusto ko yumakap. Patuloy na humahaplos ang palad niya sa katawan ko. Hindi ko na siya magawa’ng linisan dahil pagod na pagod ako at nanghihina.

“Di kita nalinisan…” gusto ko siya’ng linisan pero hindi ko talaga kaya, hina’ng-hina pa din ako.

“Bukas, paliguan mo ko ulit…” dahan-dahan niya ako’ng sinuotan ng bathrobe. “Ayos ba sa’yo na magbathrobe na muna tayo?” Tanong niya sa akin.

Tumango ako, hindi ko padin makuha’ng bumitaw sa kanga. Ayoko siya’ng bitawan lalo na pagod ako sa ginawa namin.

Namin…kaagad ako’ng napakagat sa labi ko,una’ng pagkakataon na inangkin niya ako hindi lang ang labi ko kundi ang buo’ng ako.

“I love you, Agu” lumabas kami ng banyo habang buhat-buhat niya ako. He carefully laid me down on the bed without interrupting the two of us. He also slowly climbed on the bed and slowly lay down next to me.

“Goodnight, Agu, let’s rest …” he locked me in his arms. “sleepwell, baby.”

I slowly closed my eyes, it is true that we also need to rest because we are both tired.

And here I am, once again resting in his arms that hug me tightly.

I woke up when I felt someone caressing my hair, I also smelled his new one that I knew who was coming from.

I looked up a little and I was on David’s neck facing, I could feel some of his kisses on my forehead tenderly.

“I feel like I just don’t want to leave your side …” he said softly, continuing to caress my hair. “I’ve just been here all day.” hindi ko maiwasang hind mangiti sa mga naririnig ko. Kahit ano’ng oras pwede niya ako’ng malaman na gising lalo na sa lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko.

“I’m happy, you’ve become mine”

My smile flew even more and I closed my eyes to the feeling of tickling my body.

David is like this, he has not changed what he showed me before he still shows. I was given an eye kiss.

“So, baby, good morning.” hindi ko magawa’ng magulat, sinilip niya ako sa ibaba niya at tumingala ako para makita siya. “Sobra’ng ganda mo…” Hindi matanggal ang ngiti ko kaya sa kiliti’ng nararamdaman ko dahil sa kanya nagtago ako sa dibdib niya.

Narinig ko ang tawa niya.

“Oh, baby, kiss me” natatawa’ng sambit niya, mas lalo ako’ng nagtagp at kumapit sa kanya.

“Ayoko, inaasar mo ko” naramdaman ko ang paggalaw ng balikat niya sa kakatawa niya. “Ang sama mo, bolero ka din pala” lalo siya’ng tumawa, napakagat ako sa labi ko ’di ko maiwasang ngumiti ng sobra.

“Hindi, kailangan ako ’di nagsabi ng totoo.” lumayo siya ng bahagya sa akin, pinantay niya ang tingin naming dalawa. “Sobra’ng ganda mo, noon palang…” bahagya ako’ng sumimangot sa kanya, hindi ko talaga matagp ang ngiti ko.

Pero siya sobra’ng nakangiti siya sa akin, sobra niya ako’ng nginingitian na halos dimples niya kita ko na. He becomes even more handsome in my eyes, his smiles I know I am the reason. Smiling I touched his cheek. I am still the reason why he is happy.

“You’re so happy, David” I used my thumb to caress his cheek.

He held my hand on his cheek. He smiled sweetly at me which gave even more joy to my whole body.

“You are always the reason, you are always…” he closed his eyes and felt my caress. “I’m still very happy with you,”

I can’t explain everything I feel as I look at him almost feel everything about me, as if my chest will explode as I look at him. I am happy because he is happy with me, he is still happy.

No, I have nothing more to ask for… I wish I had chosen David then. I hope he is really the first. Siya na ang paulit-ulit ko’ng hihilingin, wala ng iba pa.

Siya lang…

I approached him slowly even though he was closed I pressed my lips to his lips. Here it is, this is the lip I always wanted to feel.

I felt him return a kiss to me, a kiss full of love. I glued myself to him. I will never tire of him, I wish we were always like this. I’m just so happy.

“I love you, David.” I was more nervous when I saw him startled and blushed, he was red.

“I love you? Please tell me again.” he held me “T-Tell me again”

He was eager to hear from me right away, he was eager to hear.

“I love you, David.” I kissed his lips again. “I’m telling the truth, I love you”

He bit his lip while still smiling, avoiding looking at me. “what the …” he immediately covered his face with a blanket. “The heck.” rinig ko’ng mura niya. “You love me…” para din ako’ng tanga dahil hindi ko magawa’ng tumigil sa kakangiti habang tinitignan siya.

“David,” kahit ako, nararamdaman ko ’yung nararamdaman pakiramdam ko pula’ng-pula din ang mukha ko. “….” Tinakpan ko ang mukha ko dahil sa kilig na nararamdaman ko. Hindi ko mapigilan.

“You love me, Wifey…” ulit nanaman niya’ng sambit. “Shit.”

Bumangon ako kahit ako pa mismo kinikilig sa ginagawa niya’ng kakapalo sa kama. “David, bumangon na tayo.” tinanggal ko ang takip niya’ng kumot. Nakasubsob pa din siya sa unan.

Hindi ko maiwasang matawa, ang cute naman pala niya kapag ganito ang nararamdaman.

“Agu, ulitin mo.” bahagya niya’ng hinarap ang ulo niya sa akin, so cute. Nakita ko pa ding namumula siya.

“I love you.” hinaplos ko ang buhok niya. “Bangon na tayo?” muli niya pa’ng isubsob ang mukha sa unan bago siya tuluyang bumangon.

“Namumula ako,” naupo siya sa gilid ng kama, tinatakpan ang mukha niya. “Ikaw naman kasi,”

“Wow, ganyan ka pala kiligin, David?” bumaba ako ng kama, inaasar ko siya kahit pa tinitignan ko ang sarili ko sa salamin na nasa gilid lang niya. “Ang cute mo,”

“Ewan ko sa’yo” I looked at his reflection in the mirror, he was smiling again.

I just blushed especially when I saw some hickeys that David put on my neck and down to my chest there was.

“You badly put hickeys.” I stroked his mark on my neck.

“Syempre…” tumayo siya at yumakap sa akin mula likod. “Hindi ko naman kasi akalain na…kagabi din pala kita magagawa’ng angkinin, ’diba?” his voice became seductive, especially in my ear he was still glued, “Hmm … That’s make love.” mahigpit niya’ng pinulupot ang braso sa baywang ko.

“Then, bathe me again, baby…”

“Eh? May nangyari sa inyo?” ’di makapaniwala’ng tanong ni Maya, dalawa’ng linggo na din ang lumipas mula noong may nangyari sa amin ni David, natatawa nga ako sa sarili ko ako pa ’yung gumalaw tapos may nangyari na sa amin.

Ngayon ko lang nagawa’ng magsagot kay Maya dahil sa tanong niya, ayoko’ng sagutin pero mapilit talaga siya.

“Huwag ka’ng maingay, madami’ng customers” napapatingin ako sa ilang kumakain dahil baka marinig nila kami kumakain pa naman sila, masyado’ng hindi maganda iyon sa kanila.

“Totoo nga?” ulit nanaman niya sa akin, nilingon ko siya at pinapatahimik pa din. “Ano masar–” mabilis ko’nmg tinakpan ang bibig niya.

“Maya, madami’ng kumakain baka may makarinig.” Tinanggal niya ang pagkakatakip sa bibig ko. “Oo, Maya, totoo, please ’wag ka na maingay.”

Tumango-tango siya at umiiling pa din. “Hindi na, hindi na” muli siya’ng nag-ayos sa counter, ako naman nag-aabang sa mga customers. Pero naiilang ako dahil nakangiti pa din siya sa akin, nakakaloko’ng ngiti.

“Maya, tama na.” pati ako natatawa sa ginagawa niya. “Ayan ka nanaman.” natatawa siya’ng umiling. Kami’ng dalawa lang ang naiwan sa counter dahil lahat sila Abby ay nagbabake sa kusina, si Valerie na lang talaga ang wala sa amin dahil namamahinga.

Sa ilang buwan, wala’ng nangyari tuluyang pinagutan ni Pert si Gia alam naman naming wala na kami;ng magbanggit kay Valerie ng kahit ano’ng tungkol sa dalawa dahil mas lalo lang siya’ng masasaktan.

Mas pipiliin pa din namin siya’ng ayos siya sa amin at ang magiging anak niya.

“Del Mundo.” I was stunned at the thought of seeing who was in front of me.

“Let’s talk.” she was still really angry with me. I stared at her.

“It’s about David.” And what are we going to talk about David? I do not tend to fight but I have no intention of robbing David of me. kahit alam ko namang hindi magpapaagaw si David, ayoko pa din siya’ng maagaw sa akin ng kahit sinuman.

Nakatingin si Maya sa amin, ramdam ko pa din ang mainit niya’ng dugo kay Kate. Sinamaan siya ng tingin nito.

“Tignan mo nga naman, isa’ng impakta naligaw sa shop natin.” parinig nito. Nilingon ko siya.

“Mag-uusap lang kami.” If she wants to talk to us, let’s talk. Just don’t let other people get hurt. Kauusapin ko kahit tungkol saan. “Okay, then, have a seat Ms. Larzon.” tinuro ko ang bakante’ng upuan sa kanya. “Susunod ako.”

“Tsk, ’di ko alam kung ano’ng nakita sa’yo ni David—”

“Di din namin alam ko’ng bakit ka nagawa’ng patulan ni David sa baboy mo’ng ugali.” si Maya.

There are only seven or nine chapters left and MADM will be end.

Chapter 47

Agustina

Inilapag ko ang dala ko’ng tray na may laman na pagkain na para sa kanya kahit pa mukha’ng hindi naman niya gagalawin o kakainin. Ang mahalaga pinaghanda ko siya dahil bisita ko siya.

Hindi kumawala sa akin ang mga tingin niya’ng matalim sa akin, hindi pa siya nakukuntento at nakuha pa niya’ng umirap sa akin.

“If you want to eat what I prepared, just eat” I pulled the chair in front of her and I sat down.

“I’m not hungry.” she said boldly to me. “And I don’t want to eat your work.” that’s okay to me. Tumango-tango ako sa kanya at ako na lang ang kumain ng inihanda ko para sa kanya. Wala namang masama roon.

Even though I was thinking of what what I still got to be fine in front of her. I have confidence in myself and I have faith in David.

“I don’t know what David liked about you.” I looked at her, she was still looking at me badly. Eto at eto pa din ang makukuha ko’ng marinig sa kanya. Dahil kahit naman ako hndi ko din alam kung ani’ng nakita sa akin ni Davd.

Hindi ako nagsalita, mukha pa naman siya’ng may maidadagdag sa sasabihin niya. “Pinakasalan ka lang niya dahil sa kompanya nila, hindi siya dapat nahulog sa’yo.” Nanahimik ako sa sinabi niya.

Dahil naalala ko kung anuman ang sinabi noon ni Travis, sinabi niya…sinabi niya’ng kasal lang kami dahil sa utang nila David sa amin, pinakasalan lang namin ang isa’t-isa dahil sa utang nila’ng pamilya.

“Eto ba lahat ang sasabihin mo? Tungkol sa kasal namin?” hindi ko mapigilang magsalita.

“Tanga ka ba? Bakit mo pintulan ang tao’ng pinakasalan ka lang dahil sa utang nila.” What the? Ano ba’ng gusto niya’ng mangyari? Hiwalayan ko si David para sa kanya?

“Hindi ba’t isa ka din sa mga dahilan kung bakit kami kinasal?” I immediately saw the shock on her face, she immediately recovered because to irritate me as well.

Is she serious here? If David had not married me, he would not have been able to do everything he wanted. Hindi makukuha at mapagtatagumpayan ni David ang lahat ng hindi din ako kasama.

Dahil sa kanila kaya halos masira ang lahat sa asawa ko, isa na si Kate roon. Nakikita ko sa kwento pala’ng noon ni Leigh mahal siya ni David pero ganito ’yung ginawa niya.

Nakakainis. Bakit ako pa ’yung mukha’ng masama na pinakasalan ko si David para masolusyunan ang lahat? Nagawa niya’ng bumawi sa lahat naging maayos ang kompanya nila dahil sa pamilya namin.

“I have the right to help, I have the right to help David.” I stopped eating so I could talk to her face to face. Dahil maliban sa pinakasalan ko siya ang problema pa niya ay kung bakit halos malaman niya’ng nagkagustuhan nga kami’ng dalawa ni David. “Pinakasalan ko si David para sa lahat, maayos niya ang nangyari sa kompanya nila nang dahil sa inyo.”

“What? What the fuck are you sa–” what the?

“Alam ko lahat, Ms. Larzon.” nahihiya ako sa katabi naming table dahil narinig niya ang maluto’ng na mura niya. “Please, stop saying bad words here in my place.”

“Ano’ng paki–”

“Lugar ko ’to, wala ka’ng karapatang magsabi ng hindi maganda.” Naiinis na ako, kung ganito lang ang gusto niya ibibigay ko kahit pa hindi din magugustuhan ni David na pinapatulan ko ang kagaya niya.

I don’t really have a good feeling for her anymore, is she the fool or me? Or we were just the same because that was what she was talking about.

I accepted that I was a fool then but why can’t she accept him.

What is her problem? Ano’ng gusto niya?

“Hindi ko na kasalanan kung ako ang mahal ni David,” May karapatan ako kahit hindi ako babae kagaya niya, may karapatan ako’ng magmahal at may karapatan ako’ng mahalin ng tao.

Kita’ng-kita ko kung ano ’yung gusto niya’ng ipalabas, na hindi ako babae at hindi ako nararapat sa kagaya ni David. Pinapamukha niya sa akin na wala ako no’ng sa kanya para bigyan ko ng anak si David.

Simula no’ng binago ko ang sarili ko, tanggap ko na ang pagkukutya ng mga tao sa akin lalo na ang hindi tanggap sa mga kagaya ko. Alam ko ’yun, masakit sa akin pero mas iintindihin ko pa din ang sarili ko.

I only have myself. At kailangan ko’ng magtiwala sa sarili ko kahit ano pa ako.

“I don’t care if I’m not a woman like you, the important thing is I don’t hurt anyone, I don’t judge porket I’m not like you.” the anger on me was not removed from his face.

“Wow, are you sure David really loves you?”

We were both silent but my chest throbbed even more because of his question.

here it is again

True … am I really sure that David loves me?

“Yes, I’m sure, you? Are you sure David will come back to you?” i noticed her reaction even though I was hurting. “Isn’t it? You’re not sure either.”

“What? Being Transgender is not bad.” napatingin ako sa table ng mga kabataang lalaki, halos lahat sila ay puro lalaki kaya hindi ko akalain na sa kanila pa manggagaling iyon.

“Ang chismoso natin pero nakakainis ’yung sinasabi no’ng babae.” nagsalita ’yung matangkad na lalaki.

“Mabuti na lang wala dito si Jacob, panigurado maiinis iyon.”

“Felix is ​​right, it’s not bad what a human gender is.”

I took Kate’s gaze because she had a bad opinion of men, they were younger than us based on their uniform. I think they are just colleges.

“I won’t brag so much if David really loves me …” even though I asked myself if David really loved me, I was able to put it aside. I do not want to be hurt anymore.

I will trust David.

“David Oliver Gomez is her husband right? I know that, he used to be in business with Daddy.” I heard a few words on the other table again.

“Mr. Gomez is so kind, his family is so succesful…”

Muli kami’ng nagtitigan ni Kate, hindi ko pa din makita ang pagtatalo niya talaga’ng nilalabanan niya ako kahit ano pa’ng marinig niya.

“Nakakadiri ka,”

“Alam ko.” mabilis ko’ng sagot. Mula sa gilid ng mata ko nagkakagulo na ’yung mga lalaki’ng nagsasalita kanina dahil sa sinabi ni Kate.

“Kumalma ka, Gio”

“Sandali lang, pre, hindi na ’ko natutuwa.”

“Alam ko lahat, Kate, alam na alam ko.” hinimas ko ang kamay ko, hindi ko maiwasang manginig sa lahat ng naririnig ko mula sa kanya. I feel but I do nothing just to fix her treatment of me.

“I love David, I trust him.”

“I will do everything he just came back to me.” she stood up and looked at me. “It’s disgusting to see that he can only go to you.”

“At nakakadiri din bang makita na pinipilit mo ang iyong sarili sa isang taong hindi ka mahal?” balik ko’ng tanong. ’Bakit hindi mo na lang tanggapin na ako na ang mahal ni Davi.“

“Tignan natin kung mas gugustuhin ni David ang tao’ng kagaya mo”

She passed me and finally left wherever we were. I gasped as I answered.

“Mrs. Gomez, are you all right?” I looked at the group of men earlier. I noticed that there were really five of them. Tinitignan ko lang sila dahil mukha’ng makukuha nila’ng makielam kanina.

“Oo naman, pasensya na sa mga narinig ninyo.” Malumanay na sambit ko.

“Hindi naman po kasi nakakatuwa mga sinasabi niya.” May suot na salamin ang isa’ng lalaki hindi ko siya kanina nakita’ng nakisali.

“Oo nga po.” Namukhaan ko si Gio.

“Hayaan n’yo na, wala na ako’ng iba’ng sasabihin.”

Nginitian ko sila. Hindi ko naman akalain na bukas pa talaga sa kanila ang mga kagaya ko, ang akala ko kanina mas kakampihan pa nila si Kate dahil karaniwan sa mga lalaki ngayon halos mandiri din sa mga kagaya ko.

“Akalain ko, sa kanya kayo kakampi.” nakuha ko’ng tumawa nawawala ang mga masasakit na natanggap ko kanina dahil sa kanila.

“Hindi po, ang totoo po niyan may kaibigan po kami’ng gay at hindi naman po bago sa amin ang mga kagaya ninyo.” si Paulo. “Hindi lang po talaga bukas ang isip niya.”

“Nasaan po asawa n’yo, Ma’am?” tanong ni Felix. “Wala po dito?”

“Nasa kompanya, roon siya nagtatrabaho.”

Ilang minuto pa ako’ng nakipagkwentuhan sa kanila, bago sila nagpaalam sa akin na babalik na ng campus dahil matatapos na ang meryenda nila. Pinabaunan ko pa sila ng ilang pagkain kahit ayaw pa nila’ng tanggapin.

“Ingat.” kumaway ako sa kanila.

I was tired of sitting on the sofa, with my cousins ​​as I was resting as well.

“I’m so tired, my shoulder hurts.” Abby lying on Maya’s lap. “My baby is not here.” 

“My baby is not here, edi tawagan mo.” hinaplos nito ang buhok ni Abby.

“Busy si Maxl, kasama pinsan niya.” sagot nito. 

“Si Cristal din naman pagod pero hindi hinahanap si Olivia.” yumakap si Cris sa kambal niya habang nakahiga sila sa kabila’ng sofa. 

“Busy din si Olivia,”

“Oo nga pala, Cristal, birthday mo na sa linggo.” nakangiti’ng sambit ko pinilit ko’ng ngumiti kahit hindi pa din ako maayos. Nalala ko ’yung sinabi ni Olivia sa amin ni Vlad na pakakasalan niya si Cristal sa birthday nito, mas lalo tuloy ako’ng naexcite. 

“Oo nga pala, kayo, Abby wala ba kayo’ng balak pakasalan nina Olivia?” Tanong ni Joshua na nasa tabi ko lang. “Pakasal na kayo,” dagdag pa nito. 

“Ha? Madami pa’ng dapat mangyari saka na lang.” si Cristal na sinundan naman ni Abby. 

“Lima’ng taon pala’ng relasyon namin ni Maxl,” 

Si Joshua lang naman ang nakukuha’ng magmadali sa lahat ng bagay. 

“Wife?” nadatanan ko si David pagkalabas ko ng banyo, nakahiga na ang tshirt niya sa kanya. Wala ako’ng ginawa pero nakuha ko pading kabahan, hindi ko naman alam kung saan ako kinakabahan. “Hi, namiss kita.” 

Lumapit siya sa akin at yumakap sa baywang ko. Niyakap ko siya pabalik ng mahigpit na mahigpit. “How’s your day, Wife? hindi kita masyado’ng natatawagan dahil madami ako’ng ginagawa.” 

How’s my day? I don’t know, maybe I’m still hurting?

“Wife?” humiwalay ng yakap sa akin si David, hindi ko siya masagot dahil ayoko namang sabihin na hindi maayos dahil nagtatanong at magtatanong siya sa akin.  Dahil kapag sinabi ko pwede sila’ng mag-away na dalawa.

“I’m okay, Hubby, how about you?” hinaplos ko ang buhok niya, totoo dapat ako’ng magtiwala kay David, magtiwala sa kanya na mahal niya talaga ako. It looks like he still doesn’t want to believe because he didn’t speak, he just looked at me.

I smiled. “I’m okay, I just really missed you.” I lower my hand to his cheek.

I’m hurt … I’m still hurt by the words I received from his ex. Because it’s true I have nothing if David prefers a woman.

He would rather be given a child.

At talo ako kung mas gugustuhin niya ang babae.

Chapter 48

Agustina

Lumipas ang ilang araw mas lalo’ng nagiging magulo sa akin si David, hindi ko siya kinakausap. Hindi ko alam kung bakit para’ng iwas ako sa kanya na hindi ko maintindihan, hindi ko maipaliwanag.

Wala siya’ng ginagawa pero ako lang ’yung nagbibigay ng pasakit sa sarili ko. Para’ng hirap na hirap ako’ng magtiwala.

“Agu, may problema ba tayo?” tanong niya nang minsan niya ako’ng naabutan sa sala pagkauwo niya. “Bakit para’ng ang iwas mo sa akin? May ginawa ba ako’ng mali?” hindi ko alam kung ano’ng isasagot ko sa kanya dahil masasabi at masasabi ko ang pinag-usapan namin ng ex niya.

“Wala, David” I continued exchanging messages with customers ordering at our bakeshop. I have no answer, I do not know why I can not tell him. 

Para’ng may gusto ako’ng patunayan niya sa akin, may parte sa akin na hindi pa din ako lubos na nainiwala. May parte pa din sa akin na kailangan ko talaga ng kasiguraduhan. Lalo na sa kanya dahil babae ’yung kaagaw ko. 

Kahit hindi ayos sa akin kahit pa nakatingin sa amin ’yung mga pinsan ko, alam kasi nila ’yung nararamdaman ko at alam din nila’ng mali ’to’ng iniisip ko. 

“Napapansin ko’ng iniiwasan mo ’ko.” in his voice I was already affected, I knew very well that he did not want us like this but I really could not avoid it.

I just need something I want him to prove to me.

I’m still stupid

“No, David.” I answered him again, I do not want to say. “Wala tayo’ng problema.” alam ko’ng nakatingin siya sa akin pero hindi ko siya nilingon pa, ayoko’ng tumingin sa mga mata niya. Kahit alam ko’ng ako ’yung nanakit noon ayoko namang matalo ako ngayon. 

Para’ng hindi ’ko ’yun kakayanin na mangyari. 

“Bakit iwas ka sa akin?” gumalaw ang panga ko sa sumunod niya’ng tanong,  umiiwas ba talaga ako? O gusto ko lang malaman niya lahat? Na may gusto ako’ng patunayan niya? “Ano’ng problema natin?”

“Hindi ako umiiwas, David, bakit naman kita iiwasan.” pinilit ko’ng maging maayos sa pagsasalita dahil alam ko’ng sa boses ko pala’ng mahahalata talaga niya’ng meron. “Wala tayo’ng problema.” 

I turned to him, if anything I feel strange should be for me first. To me first even if I still look selfish.

I smiled. “I’m doing something too, I’ll work first, David.”

I did not wait for his reaction, I immediately looked back. I really need to do this for once. Kahit pa nakikita ko ang tingin sa akin ng mga pinsan ko’ng naguguluhan din sa akin.

I continued to talk to the orderers, maybe I’ll just deliver first just in case.

That is not difficult for me.

“Josh, are you busy tomorrow? Let’s deliver orders.” I turned to Joshua who was taking care of Valerie at the table. They both looked at me.

“Did I think Cris was the deliverer?” Valerie was the question.

We are happy because Valerie is gradually helping and taking care of herself, we do not want to hurt and torture herself.

She learned again even though it was difficult atleast with us. She’s always with us. 

“Busy ako bukas, eh” si Cris na kumakain sa tabi ni Abby “May pupuntahan ako bukas.”

“Saan ka naman pupunta. Kuya?” tanong ni Cristal “Himala may pupuntahan ka.” dagdag pa nito sa akin. Tumawa si Cris na para ba’ng tama ang sinabi ng kapatid niya. “Ano? saan ka pupunta?”

Hindi sumagot si Cris, sumiksik lang siya kay Abby sa sofa dahilan para pati si Abby ay tanungin siya. Hinawakan siya nito.

“Cris, saan ka pupunta?” tanong nito sa kanya. 

“May nililigawan ako…” That’s why he left because he was flirting with someone, miraculously only now did he get to flirt.

“Eh? Are you sure?” his sister asked incredulously. Ako din naman ’di talaga ako maniwala’ng may nililigawan siya, hindi naman kasi likas sa kanya ’yung mga gano’ng bagay dahilan para maunahan siya ng kapatid niya. 

“Bal naman, ano’ng tingin mo sa akin ’di marunong lumandi?”

“Oo.” mabilis na sagot nito.

“So, sino nililigawan mo?” tanong ni Maya, nakidagdag pa si Vlad.

“Wag mo na ligawan, pakasalan mo na lang kaagad.” 

“Totoo, Cris?” sumunod ang boses ni David. Malapit lang siya sa akin kaya hindi ko siya maiwasang hindi tignan. 

“Oo, Totoo.” si Cris. “Si Zyrabelle”

“Saan mo nakilala?” tanong ko. Hindi talaga ako makapaniwal na may nililigawan siya at ready talaga’ng lumandi, una’ng pagkakataon ’yun sa kanya. “Hindi talaga ako makapaniwala.”

“Wife.” I slowly felt David sitting next to me, because I was just sitting on the floor I felt his body more.

“Why?” I also did not understand myself, I immediately held his hand. “Is that done with what you are doing?” I will ask.

He immediately smiled sweetly at me. “Not yet, I want to approach you.” I smiled back.

I think I’m going crazy. Hindi ko alam kung nahawa na din ba ako ng karupukan ng mga pinsan ko o ano. 

I kissed his cheek. “I’m just thinking a lot, sorry ha”

“Pwede ba nagkukwento ako, mamaya na kayo maglandian.” napait na sabi ni Cris. “Ano ba,” irap nito. 

“Ang bitter mo naman.” si Valerie. Tumawa kami’ng lahat dahil mukha talaga ni Cris na halos gusto nang masuka kapag nakakakita siya ng may naglalandian. “Wag ka sana sagutin ng nililigawna mo.”

“Sana sa akin magmana ’yang anak mo.” bawi na sambit nito. “Tutal ako pinaglilihian mo,” 

“Lahat kayo pinaglilihian ko, tigilan mo ’ko.” 

“So, kuya saan mo nga nakilala?”

“Sa internet.”

“Ay malupit, Internet love.” tumawa ng malakas si Joshua. “Ulol, wala’ng forever sa internet.” 

“Gago, ewan ’ko sa’yo, basta ako naniniwala.” si Cris, naiinis na tinignan si Joshua. “Magkikita kami bukas kaya hindi ako makakapagdeliver.” 

“Saan kayo magkikita?” si David naman ang nagtanong, humilig siya sa akin kaagad. “Mag-ayos ka bukas, tulungan kita.” nagtawanan sila’ng dalawa. “First time ninyo’ng magkikita dapat gwapo ka at maayos.” 

“Gwapo naman siya kahit wala’ng ayos, Dave” sabat ko.  

“Ako na bahala sa sarili, basta ayusan n’yo ’ko bukas.” 

“Where do we deliver it?” David asked next to me, Joshua was behind and also waiting for my answer.

David has a job now but he still managed to join Joshua and me. He doesn’t want me to be with him in such things we do, especially when I go somewhere else.

“Marway Subdivision, that’s where customers live.” I kept typing on my phone because I was talking to customers.

“Marway Subdivision? Is that new?” Joshua asked. “Hindi ko alam ’yun, baka bago talaga.”

“Malapit sila sa may flowers store.” nilingon ko ang daan. “Kanan tapos kaliwa tapos makikita na natin yung Subdivison.” Tumango si David at kumanan, “Kaliwa ka.”

“Sige.” kumaliwa naman kami kaagad at nakita namin ’yung Subdivision na hinahanap namin. Nagcheck point pa kami sa guard house para lang tuluyang makapasok. Hindi kami makakapasok hangga’t hindi natatawagan ang pupuntahan anmin.

“Ms. Johnson po, pangalan po ng customer.” sambit ko sa guard, tumingin siya sa logbook niya at tinignan ako. “Ano po?”

“Sir, ’di po ba kayo sinabihan?” tanong ni David.

“Pasok na kayo, Kayo pala ang mag-asawa.” huh? “Pasensya na hindi ko kaya namukhaan.”

Even though the three of us were confused, we had better go inside.

We are not that famous just to get to know each other, as much as possible Daddy doesn’t want to get to know us. Oh maybe David? After all, David told me a lot about his travels abroad in the past.

“It’s really different when rich.” I turned to Joshua in the backseats. “Oh maybe you, David.”

“Siguro.” tumawa si David. ’Pero hindi naman,“

“Hindi naman pero kilala’ng-kilala kayo.” singgit ko. Alam ko naman ’yun mas hamak na mas magaling si David sa akin na humawak ng negosyo, lalo na sa company industry. Wala pa naman ako’ng hilig.

“Nandito na tayo.” tumigil kami sa isa’ng malaki’ng bahay, eto na nga ’yung sinasabi nila. Lumabas kami’ng tatlo dalawa ang tatlo’ng box ng cake at apat na box ng cupcakes. I approached the door and rang the doorbell on the side.

Fortunately it was not too hot so I was still comfortable in the sunshine. I am not too hot even if it takes time to open the door.

“Bakit ang tagal? Baka wala sila.” si Joshua halata sa boses niya’ng nabibigatan na siya sa mga bitbit niya.

“Hintay lang tayo.” si David, nginitian niya ako. Sa akin talaga siya nakatingin kanina pa lalo na ’yung mga ngiti niya hindi siya nagsasawa’ng bigyan ako. He still doesn’t really get tired of smiling at me.

Wala pa din talaga’ng lumabas, wala din kami’ng naririnig na ingay sa loob o nagsasalita.

“Wala talaga’ng tao.” inilapag muna namin ang mga kahon sa ibabaw ng kotse, nabibigatan na talaga ako. “Hindi naman nagrereply si Ms. Johnson.”

We heard a car approaching, we looked to the side. The car stopped right and Ms. Johnson came out..

“Sorry, Ms. Gomez, we just went somewhere.” she hurried over to me. We smiled at her.

“Ayos lang po, kadarating lang po namin.” kinuha ko ang dalawa’ng box ng cupcakes. “Tulungan na po namin kayo’ng ipasok lahat sa loob.”

“Jia, ano ’yan?” natigilan ako kung nang marinig ko ang boses na iyon.

“Kate, handa natin ’to para sa kapatid ko.”

I kept looking back at where Kate was, I knew she was Kate.

We will only see yesterday and then we will meet again today.

“David?” her voice was different when she saw David, I could not help but get bored with myself and think of what.

“Yeah,” David said coldly, I approached him.

“I haven’t seen you in a few days, I can really see you here.” Kate glared at me. Nakikita ko pa din kung paano siya mandiri sa akin habang pinapatay na ako sa tingin niya. Wala naman ako’ng magagawa roon.

“Ipapasok na po namin ’to, Ma’am.” Sumabat si Joshua. “May dapat pa po kami’ng gawin.”

“A-Ah, oh siya.” nagmamadali si Jia na lumapit sa pintuan, ako naman iniwas ko ang tingin ko kay Kate. Ayoko na siya’ng tignan pa dahil alam ko’ng mas atensyon sa kanya ang asawa ko.

We went inside and laid the boxes on the table. “Pasensyan na talaga kung naghintay kayo.”

“Ayos lang po,” si David ngumiti ito sa kanya. “Aalis na po kami kaagad, papasok pa po ako.”

Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ko magawa’ng magsalita dahil nanaman ba nandto si Kate? Nandito nanaman siya at nararamdaman ko ang presensya niya. If she can’t be quiet, I can’t be even quieter if she just keeps doing this to me. .

We said goodbye to them, we left the house and Kate was still waiting outside. I did not look at them when he approached David.

I don’t know what else he wants to happen.

Because I don’t like what he makes me feel.

“David, let’s talk.”

“Wala tayo’ng pag-uusapan.”

I entered the passenger’s seat, as I felt different, I also could not be quiet if she felt this way.

“Agu,” said Joshua, who had just entered the backseat. “I don’t know what’s going on but trust David…”

I do but I can’t help but suspect.

David also immediately entered the Driver’s seat, I did not say a word even though he covered my eyes.

“I will take you back to the bake shop, I still have a meeting in the office.” he had already started the car. “Later, I will fetch you.” I still can’t speak.

I want to ask something but I can’t speak, what is Kate saying that she hasn’t seen David in a few days? So he really goes to David so she can see it. Hindi niya talaga tinitigilan si David.

“Agu, ano’ng gusto mo’ng pag-usapan natin?” Madami pero hindi ko kakayanin ’yung makukuha’ng sagot mo mula sa mga tanong ko.

Nagiging magulo ako para sa isa’ng tao’ng wala’ng ginawa kundi maghabol nang maghabol sa asawa ko. Naiinis ako pero para’ng wala naman ako’ng laban.

Paano ba ako lalaban? Hindi naman ako kagaya ni Kate na kaya’ng may sinasaktan na tao. Magkaiba ’yung ginawa ko kay David noon sa ginagawa ni Kate. What’s happening.

“Wala, David.” I don’t want to talk too much, I think too much, I also think too much about what will happen if I fight with her ex.

I have a right, I am probably David’s wife.

I have a right…to him

I have to think about everything I do, I do not want to be carried away by my emotions again because the last person in David’s life was our problem.

Sana kahit ’di ako magsalita, sana maintindihan ako ng asawa ko. Dahil mahina pa din ako hanggang ngayon, mahina’ng-mahina pa din ako.

Nakarating kami sa shop ng hindi ko pa din siya kinikibo, hindi ko siya kinausap kahit pa kinakausap niya ako. I went to the counter where Abby and Valerie were, they were surprised to see me.

“Wife…tell me what the problem is? What is our problem?” my cousins ​​who had just come out of the kitchen looked at us. “I can’t be bothered if you’re like that, I can’t focus.”

“Hindi ka nagsasabi sa akin,” nahihirapan din naman ako sa mga nararamdaman ko pero hindi pa din ako makapagsalita sa kanya. “Ayoko’ng ganito tayo.”

“May tiwala ako, David.” iyon na lang ang tanging nasabi ko, wala, wala ako’ng masabi. Gusto ko sa akin muna lahat ng nararamdaman ko. “May tiwala ako sa’yo…please, sana maintindihan mo ’ko ngayon.”

I’m sorry para sa atin naman ’to’ng iniisip ko.

“Mahal kita, Agu, magtiwala sa akin.” inabot niya ang kamay ko. “Please, no matter what happens don’t leave me alone. “

“Hindi ko kaya’ng saktan ka, hindi ko iyon magagawa sa’yo.” 

He squeezed my hand. Even if he doesn’t understand me, he still manages to be gentle with me.

“I’m sorry if you don’t understand me,” I slowly looked into his eyes. “I’m jealous…” tinitigan ko ang mga mata niya. “Hindi ka niya titigilan hangga’t hindi ka bumabalik sa kanya.”

I could see how soft he looked at me.

“I will always come back to you” approached me. “You’re the only one I always want to come back to.”

I hope I don’t suspect anymore, I hope not and I hope I can continue to trust.

“Please, always come back to me.” I kissed his lips. At the same time i hugged his body. “Sorry…”

“Magtiwala ka sa akin, ikaw lang palagi.” he hugged me tightly in his arms, his arms I will never tired of feeling anything else I think. It gives me real comfort. It’s really my comfortzone.

He pressed his lips on my forehead.

Hopefully after that, hopefully after that I will be fine.

Chapter 49

Agustina

Umalis na din si David pagkatapos naming mag-usap, kahit ayoko’ng umalis sya dito sa tabi ko mas pinili ko pa ding papasukin siya sa office. Kailangan niya kahit pa ayaw ko.

Gusto ko palagi ko siya’ng nararamdaman kahit mismo ako magulo, hindi magsawa akin si Davis sa lahat ng nangyayari sa aming dalawa. I wish I was still the one my husband would come back to with anything.

“Argu?” si Abby. “I think..you are still not okay at all”  Hindi ko siya liningon, nanatili ako’ng nag-aayos ng ilang permits sa counter. Inaabala ko na lang ang sarili ko kesa naman mag-iisip nanaman ako ng kung ano-ano. Because if David counts what I am hurting in my thoughts, he looks like he is doing something even though there is nothing.

“Did you and Kate meet again?” Abby asked, Valerie looked at me waiting for my answer.

“Oo, ’yung pinuntahan namin kanina, kasama niya si Kate.” itinabi ko ang mga sinulatan ko’ng permit sa drawer. Wala naman ako’ng idea kung kamag-anak pa ’yun ni Kate o kaibigan niya. Hindi ko naman ’yun problema.

I still remember everything he told me, it will never go away.

“I can’t understand Kate what else she wants to happen.” I look at the customers eating. “I don’t know what she thinks of me.” nanatili ako’ng maayos na nag-iisip sa kanya, hindi naman niya ako kagaya. May pakielam pa din ako sa kung ano’ng mararamdaman niya.

“Iniiwasan naman siya ni David.” si Valerie. “Nakikita naman natin na halos sa’yo lang palagi si David.”

“He’s so clingy to you.” natatawa’ng sambit ni Abby. “Alam mo naman ’yan.” Iniwasan ko’ng mangiti, totoo naman sobra’ng clingy sa akin ni David may kasama man kami;ng dalawa o wala.

“Kulang na lang iiyak siya ulit kapag wala ka sa tabi niya.”

“Ang swerte mo kay David, Agu.”

“Hindi ko lang talaga maiwasang hindi mag-isip ng kung ano-ano.” sambit ko. ’Ang unfair kay David pero hindi ko pa din maiwasan sa sarili ko.“ naoabuntong hininga ako. “Lalo na…babae ’yung kaagaw ’ko.”

“Babae nga ’yun, Agu, gusto pa din ba ni David? ’Diba hindi na. Ikaw na ang mahal niya.” Valerie took my hand, she smiled at me. “Agu, you have to trust David, he trusts you completely. As his wife, give him that too.”

Abby nodded and patted my back. “Trust David, Agu, he will not disappoint you.” Kailangan ko pa din talaga.

“Mommy …” I turned to the kitchen, Cristal was carrying Aleah and Hailey was holding her clothes. “Mommy.”

“Agu, I’ve been looking for you for a while, they’ve eaten.”

“Baby.” I slowly took Aleah to Cristal, I held Hailey. “Baby,” I kissed my daughter.

Aleah has also been my daughter since she and David came to me.

“Mom. I missed you.” he kissed me and hugged me tightly. Even though I made Cristal I was able to hug Hailey even though I didn’t make her.

“Daddy will pick us up later.” I said softly. “Magbonding tayo ni Daddy, okay?” Naramdam ko ang pagtango niya sa leeg ko.

Nilingon ko si Hailey na bumitaw na sa akin, lumapit siya kay Vlad na kalalabas lang din ng kusina. Nginitian ko siya. “Busy kasi kami kanina kaya ’di namin napansin na dumating na kayo.” binuhat niya ang anak niya.

“Si David? Umalis na kaagad?”

“Oo, may meeting pa kasi.” hinagod ko ang likod ng anak ko, mukha’ng matutulog at ayaw pa’ng bumitaw sa akin. “Si Cris? Hindi pa nakakabalik?” tanong ko sa kanila.

“Hindi pa, mamaya pa uwi ni Kuya.” sagot sa akin ni Cristal. “Masyado yata’ng naexcite.”

“Babawi ’yun, ang tagal niya ding wala’ng karelasyon. Naunahan mo pa.” si Valerie. “Tanungin natin kung paano siya nakipag-date.” nagtawanan kami. Alam naman nating ’di siya marunong nag-try lang ngayon.“

We still can’t believe it, especially ldr and just now they met Zyrabelle.

“I want to meet Zyrabelle, Kuya doesn’t want to show me.” ginulo ni Cristal ang buhok ni Hailey “Masyado na siya’ng madami’ng tinatago sa akin.”

“Valerie.” We were stunned by the conversation of someone who called Valerie, the five of us turned to the speaker.

“Fiel?” we are all silent, Fiel, Fiel is in front of us now.

I looked at Valerie’s whole body, we did not recognize or be with her but I can see, I can see her eyes hurt.

“V-Valerie.” we don’t know what happened then, we don’t know why Valerie chose Pert because we knew Fiel was what she wanted then. Tinitigan ko lang si Valerie kung ano’ng gagawin niya, kung paano niya pakikitunguhan si Fiel ngayon.

“Fiel…”

“Pwede…ba tayo’ng mag-usap?” I don’t know if what I see is right, Fiel wants to cry.

Tumango nang dahan-dahan si Valerie. Nilingon niya kami. “Pwede’ng pahatiran kami ng cupcakes at strawberry juice.”

“Sige, ako na bahala.” pumasok kaagad si Cristal at Abby, nagiging magulo na hindi ko alam kung ano’ng mangyayari sa lahat ng ’to, bakit ang dami’ng bumabalik? Bakit ang dami’ng ganito?

Hinayaan ko’ng sumama si Valerie kay Fiel papalapit sa table nila, mag-uusap sila at kasama na ang buo’ng kwento roon ni Valerie. Naging mabuti din si Pert pero kung tutuusin pantay lang sina ni Fiel.

I want Pert for Valerie but not now, not anymore.

“Sarado naman na tayo, kain na mun atayo’ng dinner.” kapapasok lang nina Daddy, wala na din namang mga customers. Tinulungan namin sila’ng ihanda ang lahat ng binili nila.

Hinayaan ko na lang sila’ng maupo at ako na ang gagawa ng dapat gawin. Tutal halos ibigay na sa akin ni Mommy ’to’ng shop niya hindi na din mahirap sa akin.

I still don’t want to eat because David doesn’t have a case yet, he told me that he can no longer reach because he is busy and on his way home.

“David is not here yet, son” Mommy said. “Can’t he come right away?”

“Nasa byahe pala’ng po, hindi na makaabot. Pagtatabihan ko na lang po.”

Nagkwentuhan lang kami’ng lahat, nag-uusap kami tungkol sa mga buhay at lalo na sa magiging anak ni Valerie, ilang buwan pala’ng naman at hindi pa namin nalalaman kung babae o lalaki.

“Ano’ng gusto mo’ng pangalan ng baby? Kapag lalaki o kaya babae?” tanong ni Cris sa tabi ni Valerie.

“Wala pa ako’ng maisip na ngayon ng baby boy ko, pero sa baby girl meron na.” nakangiti’ng sambit ni Valerie.

’Sige, ano?“ si Joshua.

“Gusto ko Velverosa.” 

“Ang ganda naman.” singit ni Abby, “Sana kamukha mo talaga siya.” 

“Madami tayo’ng kamukha nong bata, pinaglilihian tayo ni Val lahat.” humutok ni Maya “Alam mo ’yun kulang na lang galit na galit siya kapag wala tayo tapos mas magagalit kapag nandyan.” 

“Ganyan ka din naman noon, Love.” sita ni Vlad sa asawa niya. “Gusto mo na nga’ng sakalin si Cris sa inis no’n ’di ka lang niya narinig.” tinignan siya ni Maya habang nakasimangot. “Bawal mainit ang ulo sa buntis. Medyo ngayon malambing ka, lambingin mo pa nga ako.”

Baliw, natawa talaga ako sa tono ng pananalita ni Vlad, kasi naman totoo’ng maharot at malambing siya sa asawa niya ’yung tipo’ng araw-araw gusto niya nilalambing din siya. 

Nagtawanan sina Mommy. Mas nangingibabaw pa din ’yung taw ako, pagdating kay Vlad mas matatawa ako. Hindi talaga siya nagbago.

Syempre mas malambing pa din ang asawa ko. 

“Ang harot mo talaga, Vlad.” suway ni Maya sa kanya. “Gusto mo lang ng kiss, mamaya na sa kwarto natin.”

“Hoy, kumakain tayo!” singgit ni Valerie “Pasimple’ng inosente tapos ganyan ka.” 

“Nahahawa na ’yan kay Vlad.” 

“Wait lang.” tumayo si Abby, hawak ang phone habang tumutunog. 

“Sino ’yan? Si Maxl?” tanong ko. 

“Si Tita Mabel.” sagot niya at lumayo ng bahagya. “Hello po, Tita?” tumahimik kami para lang maayos siya’ng makipag-usap. Tita siguro ni Maxl. “Po? Kasal ninyo po bukas?…Hindi ko po kasama si Maxl ngayon.” 

“Sige po, pupunta po kami ni Maxl. Kakausapin ko po mamaya.” 

“Nasaan ba si Maxl, Abby?” tanong ni Daddy, “Ilang araw ka niya’ng hindi dinadalaw sa bahay.” naglakad papalapit sa amin si Abby. “Nag-away ba kayo ni Maxl?” 

“May hindi lang po napagunawaan. Nasa batangas po siya.” umupo si Abby sa tabi ni Mommy, noon dalawa’ng beses lang sila’ng mag-away kaya magtatanong at magtatanong kami kung ano’ng nangyari sa kanila.  

 They take good care of their relationship no matter what problems arise.

Maya leaned over Abby. “Maybe what’s happening to you, you’re not saying.” naninigrado’ng sambit nito. 

“Ano ’yung nagpaawayan ninyo?” tanong ko. “Inaway ka ba niya? O ikaw?”

“Hindi ko ’yun inaaway ’no, hindi niya din ako inaaway.” magsasalita pa sana si Abby nang tumunog nanaman ang phone niya. “Si Maxl,”

“Chismis kami, loudspeaker mo.” 

“Love.” bungad kaagad ni Maxl pagkasagot ni Abby ng tawag niya. “Love, pauwi na ako. Hintayin mo ’ko, sorry na busy talaga ako.” nagtinginan kami’ng lahat ng mga pinsan ko pero sina Mommy nanatili’ng nag-uusap lang. 

Hindi sumagot si Abby. Nakatingin lang siya sa screen ng phone pero kita na ang pamumula niya.  Maxl’s strength really comes to her even though she is sulking here. 

“I miss you.” tinakpan ko ang bibig ko dahil ako pa ata ’yung kinilig kesa sa kanya, nangingiti’ng tinigan ko siya. Nakangiti pero ayaw magsalita. “I love you, sa inyo ako dadaan.” 

“Sige…ingat pag-uwi–”

“Love, ’wag naman ganyan. Babawi ako malapit na ako.” We all laughed because Abby blushed even more and bit her lip so hard. “I’m sorry, please, let’s not fight.”

“We are not fighting.” Abby held her breath. “Nothing, Maxl”

“Why, Maxl? I want love.” napahampas ako sa table ko ng mahina, grabe ’di ko talaga maiwasang matawa. Mana’ng-mana talaga si Abby kay Maya pareho’ng-pareho sila. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

“Punyeta!” humagalpak ng tawa si Maya. Nakisabay kami’ng lahat sa tawa niya. “May gano’n, nagtatampo pero i love you too kaagad. Abby natin marupok!”

“Natatawa ako, Abby!” hinawakan ko ang tyan ko sa kakatawa, kakakain ko lang pero sobra na ako kung tumawa. 

“Nakaloudspeaker ba ’to, Love? Tinatawanan ka ng mga pinsan mo,”

“Gago, natatawa ako!” tawa nang tawa si Cristal. “Partida kinikilig ka pa ha!”

“Tigilan n’yo ’ko…” tinuon ni Abby ang tingin sa phone kahit siya mismo natatawa din sa sarili niya. “Umuwi ka, dami mo’ng kasalanan sa akin.”

“Kahit naman ’di mo sabihin oo ako sa’yo”

“Edi wow, sana all uuwian.” singgit ni Joshua. “Umuwi ka na, Maxl, nagtatampo na girlfriend mo.” 

“Uuwi na ako, hintayin mo lang ako, Love.” 

Hanggang sa ibaba nila ang tawag hindi pa din namin mapigilang hindi matawa, natatawa ako kasi wala pa ding nagbabago sa pagiging marupok ni Abby pagdating kay Maxl kahit naman si Maxl gano’n din. 

So I like the relationship we all have, we deserve to have a partner like them. We were taken care of right and treated, we never changed our minds and became more and more loved.

“Agustina.” I turned to the door, we were closed so I was wondering if there were more customers coming in.

“Sir, we are closed —” I fell silent, including the whole with me.

What is he doing here?

He stayed at the door, from a distance he looked at me. Staring into my eyes.

“Travis.”

Author’s note

Sorry kung hindi ako makapag-update kaagad, busy ako at minsan hindi ko din matapos ang mga drafts ko. But thank you still because you keep reading and waiting. Thanks for your understanding and support. And i also published prologue of BL Series # 1; Anton Serevano, I hope you support that story too.

In this chapter, I just want to show one of my experiences.

Chapter 50

I don’t know why he still has to show up to me, I have nothing to expect from him even if he shows up.

I have been thinking a lot about David’s ex, I don’t want David and I to fight anymore because he is here again. David has always loves me so I know how he will feel now that Travis is here.

“Travis, we’re closed.” inulit ko ang sinabi ko sa kanya.

“No…I want to talk to you…” Ano’ng pag-uusapan? Tapos na kami’ng mag-usap noon pala’ng kaya wala ng pag-uusapan pa. Tinapos na namin ang lahat noon. Tuluyan siya’ng pumasok.

Normal na normal ko lang siya’ng tinignan. I don’t feel at all anymore, I don’t have to beat him.

“We have nothing to talk about.” I said well to him. Nothing really. “We don’t have anything to talk about. We’ve talked before.”

“We haven’t talked enough yet–”

“Not enough or just you are not satisfied?” tinignan ko, nakita ko’ng nagulat siya sa naging sagot ko sa kanya. “Because I am satisfied with what happened. “

“What, are you satisfi–”

“Yeah, It became clear to me that i really deserve David,” nagbago ang itsura niya pagkatapos ko’ng banggitin ko ang pangalan ni David. “Wala tayo’ng pag-uusapan, umalis ka na.”

Ayoko’ng maging magulo lahat, hindi ko na hahayaan na masira nanaman kami ni David. Tatalikuran ko na siya pero mas pinigilan niya ako.

“Agustina, magpapaliwa–”

“Mr. Alfonso, paano mo maipapaliwanag na nakabuntis ka ng iba? Naginusto mo?” hindi ko pero ako pa ’yung kinilabutan sa sinabi ni Mommy. Nilingon ko si Mommy, kita ko ang galit sa mga mata niya. Si Daddy naman ay tahimik lang habang tinitignan kami ni Travis, nilingon ko ulit si Travis.

“Travid, may anak ka na” I said well to him, if he still excuses what I said I can do nothing.

He should not be chasing me anymore because he had never chased me before.

“We are gone …”

“But you still have a child.” I looked at him sharply, I do not want to argue again.

I shaked my heads. “Mali ’to’ng ginagawa mo.” Hindi ko siya maintindihan, dami’ng problema sa akin ayoko nang madagdagan pa dahil dito. Sawa’ng-sawa na ako mag-isip.

Masyado ako’ng mahina para dagdagan pa nila.

“Wala tayo’ng pag-uusapan.”

“Lasing ako noon, Agustina.”

Pumalakpak ang tenga ko. Lasing siya no’n? Pero proud siya’ng nagpost sa ig niya na may anak siya? Lasing ang tawag dun?

“Sige, lasing ka.” wala’ng gana’ng sambit ko. “Umalis ka na, parating na ang asawa ko.” His jaw moved at what I said, his eyes almost glazed over.

“I care how he feels.”

“Why did you come back–”

“I didn’t come back, I learned to love him.”

Travis shook his head as if what I had said was not acceptable to him. “Aalm ko’ng mahal mo pa din ako.” iniwas ko ang mga kamay ko na hahawakan niya. Nagsisismula na ako’ng mainis.

“Travis, hindi na kita mahal.” matalim ko siya’ng tinignan. “Tigilan mo na ’ko, masaya na ako sa kanya.” lumayo ako kay Travis, puro na lang inis nararamdaman ko. Ilang araw na ako’ng nababaliw kakaisip sa ex ni David tapos dagdag nanaman siya.

Hindi na ako maintindihan ni David, alam ko ’yun pero nandyan pa din siya. Hindi niya ako iniiwan kahit ako mismo ’yung magulo at hindi  makaintindi. I still lack everything I got from him, I have to recover a lot.

I turned my back on Travis, holding the chair while facing my companions.

“Go away, Travis.” as long as this happens I will not be able to keep quiet.

I have to act.

“I’m sorry.” even though the tone of his voice changed I did not look at him. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Agustina.”

“Matanggal na kita’ng napatawad, umalis ka na.” hindi ko siya nilingon, pinipigilan ko pa din ang sarili ko. Sobra’ng bigat ng pakiramdam ko sa galit ko. Wala na ako’ng iba’ng sasabihin.

“Ayoko’ng umalis.” napasinghap ako. “Tell me you still love me…”

“Hindi na.”

Bumuntong hininga ako. “Hindi na kita mahal, tapos na.” I have nothing to explain to him if he is no more. I do not care.

“I know I’m still–”

“If you were still I would not have accepted David again, I wish I had not loved him.” I turned to him he was still looking at me, I did not know what he was waiting for. “Even though you are separated, you still have a child. Travis, I will stay longer with my husband now.”

“Kung hindi ko siya pinili noon, siya naman ang pipiliin ko ngayon.” hinawakan ko ang leeg ko. “Kahit ’di niya hilingin ulit, siya na ang pipiliin ko. Siya na palagi, Travis.”

Tinitigan ko ang mga mata niya, masyado’ng malalim ang mga tingin niya pero hindi ko pa din pinansin. Hindi ako manhid pero talaga’ng wala na ako’ng nararamdaman sa kanya.

“Agustina.” My chest immediately pounded at the voice I heard, I turned to the door of the bake shop.

David was there, standing and looking into my eyes. My chest kept throbbing while also looking at him.

I saw the fear in his eyes even though he was brave enough I still saw the fear in his eyes.

“Sorry, I just got here.” he approached us but before I could meet him Aleah met him.

“Daddy!” I watched how David carried his daughter, I was restless because I could see how David looked confused.

“Agustina, come back to me … I promise I’ll take care of you–”

“What the fuck, Alfonso” Joshua stood up and crossed Travis’ collar causing us to get closer to them. ’Tanga ka ba? Tangina mo–“

“Joshua, tama na” tumayo si Daddy kagaya ni Cris at Abby hinawakan at pinigilan nila si Joshua.

Nakipagtiitgan ako sa mga mata ni Joshua. “Tama na, Joshua.” Hinarap ko si Travis, nakatingin siya kay David. Nagtititigan sila’ng dalawa. Hindi ko maiwasang kabahan dahil baka mangyari nanaman sa kanila ang nangyari noon.

“Gomez.” Travis said firmly, I immediately approached David.

“Travis, can you stop now? I won’t be back.” he did not look at me he kept looking at David, I could not match them because of their height. “Travis, enough. Leave.”

“Let’s go home.” from behind me I heard David’s voice not only he was telling me. “I’ll just eat at home.”

“Mr. Alfonso, can you leave–”

“Do you really love Agustina?” I frowned at Travis’ question, he really wouldn’t stop.

“Yes, you are the only one who did not really love her.” I felt David hold my hand. “Wife, let’s go home.” he whispered softly from behind me.

“Uu–”

“Travis!” I collided with David as Travis pulled over his collar. Daddy got upset while Travis was stopped. “Travis, ano ba!?” tinulak ko siya hindi pa din tinitgilan si David.

“Bitawan mo ’ko, Alfonso.” nanatili’ng malumanay si David kahit hinihigit na siya ni Travis. “Sa akin na si Agustina.” Hinawakan ni Daddy ang mga kamay niya’ng nasa collar nito. “Bitawan mo ’ko.”

“Bitawan mo ko, Alfonso.” Si Joshua ang nayayamot kakahila kay Travis.

“Tangina, Gome–”

I was even more bumped by David when I saw how he punched Travis, I was surprised because he did so fast.

“David!” I screamed as Travis fell to the floor.

“Tangina ka! Ang kapal ng mukha mo’ng manggulo gago ano’ng pakielam mo kung sa akin na siya?” Hinigit ko siya dahil nagsiismula nanaman siya’ng mainis at gusto nanamang dagdagan pa ang suntok niya. “Ayaw mo pala’ng mapunta sa akin, bakit mo siya ginago?”

“D-David, Tama na.” pilit ko siya’ng nilalayo pero dahil malakas siya kesa sa akin napapalapit lang siya lalo. “David”

“Wala ka’ng karapatang murahin ako, putangina mo”

“David!” ako na ’yung natatakot sa kanya, hindi ko maiwasang manginig habang hinahawakan siya. “Tama na!, Uuwi na tayo!”

“Wala ka’ng karapatan sa kanya para kunin mo pa sa akin.” hinila ko siya, kung hindi ko siya ilalayo dito mas lalo lang kami’ng magkakagulo, lalo lang siya’ng magagalit. Lumabas kami ng bake shop.

He let go of me as soon as we got off the opposite side of his car. He turned his back on me. Nakikita ko pa din ang irita at galit niya dahil sa mga hininga niya, ginugulo niya ang mga buhok niya.

My chest continues to throb, otherwise when David gets angry I feel like he is angry with me, I will feel his anger.

I let him turn his back on me first, I was getting thinner but I really felt his heat better. Humawak ako sa katawan  ko, naririnig ko pa din ang buntong hininga niya.

“David…” dahan-dahan ako’ng pumunta sa harapan niya. Dahil sa lights street nakikita ko pa din ang pamumula ng mukha niya, galit pa din siya. Humawak ako sa coat niya, tinitingala ko siya. “David, huwag ka nang magalit.” hinawakan ko ang pisngi niya.

Bumuntong hininga siya. Hindi pa din siya nakatingin sa akin. His forehead remained furrowed.

“David.” I turned his face to me, I wanted him to look at me. “Do not be mad.” He slowly looked up at me.

“Hubby …” I stroked his cheek and hair. “Don’t be angry.” Bahagya siya’ng ngumuso dahilan para mapangiti ako, ang cute niya talaga. “Ang cute naman, huwag ka na magalit ha?”

“Ikaw lang, please, don’t be mad anymore…”

Cahpter 51

Agustina

Mahigpit ko’ng hinawakan ang kamay ni David, hindi pa din siya nagsasalita. Pumasok kami ng bahay ng wala manlang nagsasalita sa amin. Nararamdaman ko pa din ang galit niya kahit nag-usap na kami kanina.

“David,” tawag ni Daddy kay David. Dahil buhat ni David si Aleah ay nahirapan siya’ng lumingon.

“Bakit po?” tanong nito. Ang tipid niya’ng magsalita, para’ng wala siya’ng gana magsalita.

“Travis’ Parent is your business partner right?” astonishment enveloped my face, I turned to David. Was it that I didn’t know him before so I was just shocked. Hinintay ko ang sagot ni David.

“Opo” He caressed Aleah who was sleeping on his shoulder. “Si Travis na po ang makakasama ko sa business trip nextweek.” Hindi ko talaga mapigilang sumimangot. Hindi ko alam, wala talaga ako’ng idea sa mga nangyayari.

“Totoo, David?” tanong ko, tiningala ko siya. “Sino pa’ng mga partner ang makakasama mo sa Business Trip?” Para’ng nag-iiba pakiramdam ko. Wala naman sinasabi sa akin si David siguro dahil na din sa sobra’ng abala niya ’di na siya nakakapagsabi sa akin.

“Sina Kate.”

He looked at me, he sighed. “Let’s just talk about it upstairs.” He held my hand “I plan to tell you this.” He said goodbye to those with us, I accompanied him on the climb.

Will Kate be with him, especially Travis? Can’t I just come along? I wouldn’t be relieved if I couldn’t be together. Madami siya’ng makakasama roon, paano kung hindi lang si Kate? Paano kung ang mga kaibigan niya noon ang makakasama niya?

Pinanood ko siya’ng ibinaba si Aleah sa kama, inayusan niya ito at nilagyan ng kumot sa katawan. When I looked at him I didn’t know how I would feel, he kissed his Daughter. I went to the sofa to put our belongings there.

“Would you like to take a bath?” I felt his hug from behind me. My heartbeat quickened. “Wife…” his face sunk into my neck as he hugged me tightly. “I miss you so much…” dinama ko ang mga yakap niya, “Sorry kung masyado na ako’ng busy.” Umiling ako kaagad sa sinabi niya.

“Hindi ka naman busy, may oras ka pa din sa amin.” hinawakan ko ang mga kamay niya’ng nakayakap sa baywang ko. “Nandyan ka pa din kapag kailangan namin.” bahagya ko siya’ng nilingon sa leeg ko, naroon pa din siya at nakasiksik. “May oras ka pa din”

Mas humigpit ang yakap niya sa akin, mas sumiksik at humalik sa leeg ko. “Gusto kita’ng isama sa Business Trip pero hindi papayag si Tita dahil may trabaho ka pa…” I kept facing him so that I could hug him too, I hugged him slowly and fell on his shoulder.

“I informed Tita, I said let’s go out tomorrow first.” I nodded, clinging to him even more. “Let’s go out tomorrow with Aleah.”

“Kailan ang balik mo kapag umalis ka?” Our bodies move slightly as we hug, I follow her flow, I stay in each other’s arms and feel each other. Remained silent.

“I want to come with you, David.” I closed my eyes while still resting on his shoulder. “I want to be with you” mahina’ng sambit ko na sapat na para marinig niya. Iginalaw niya ang ulo niya, idinikit niya ang pisngi niya sa pisngi ko, I’m so relieved for him. He gave me a little kiss on the cheek.

“I want to be with you too, always …” he didn’t remove his cheek from me. “You’re the only one I always want to be with…” I caressed his back. “Thank you, I’m the one you chose”

I smiled at his soft voice, I felt his smile on my cheek. “Thank you, you still accepted me.” hinalikan ko siya sa pisngi. “Thank you.”

He hugged me tighter, sinking deeper into my neck. “I still miss you.” I can already feel his repeated kiss. I smiled. “You smell good”

I laughed at him, he was so soft on me again. “Halika, David, paliliguan kita.” hinawakan niya ang kamay ko, lumayo ako sa kanya. “Alam ko namang halos ’di ka maligo ng wala ako.” ngumuso siya bigla.

Naglakad kami papalapit sa banyo, siya naman ayaw ako’ng bitawan, humahalik pa din sa akin habang naglalakad kami pareh. Pinagbuksan niyang banyo, pumasok kami pero nakayakap pa din siya sa akin, kulang na lang ayaw na niya’ng maghiwalay kami.

“Undressed me, Wifey.” nakanguso’ng sambit niya sa akin.

“David, why you so cute?” pinisil ko ang magkabila’ng pisngi niya, nakanguso pa din siya kaya mas lalo ko siya’ng pinangigilan. “Ang cute mo, Hubby.” Ginulo ko ang buhok niya “Nakakagigil ka.”

“Sige, kagatin mo ’ko kung nanggigigil ka sa akin.” tumawa ako, humalik ako kaagad sa pisngi niya. “Gwapo lang talaga ako, Wifey.” mas lalo’ng natawa.

“Ang hangin mo, sana ’di magmana sa’yo si Aleah.”

He, in turn, laughed. “He’ll inherit from me even a little bit.” I touched his tshirt.

“I’ll undress you.” smiling as I spoke to him, he nodded and raised both hands for me to remove his clothes. I looked at her body, nothing had changed I was still amazed at the shape of her body.

He already has chocolate colored eyes, his jaw and the tip of his nose are very prominent. I’m also including her hairdo that I really like.

And now his body is what I admire so much, I didn’t even touch it. I silent when I remembered what we did here in the bathroom, a few weeks later but I still couldn’t get rid of it.

First time we did that …

“Wife? Do you want to touch me?” I heard him ask, he wasn’t teasing but i was blushing right away. “Namumula ka.” Tinignan ko siya, nahihiya ako. Nahihiya talaga ako kahit gusto ko siya’ng hawakan. Hindi ko naman siya nahawakan noon. “Iyo’ng-iyo naman ako, hawakan mo ’ko”

Bumaba ang kamay ko sa tyan niya. He’s wearing his hot abs, napalunok ako. It’s the first time I’ve touched him, the hardness of his body doesn’t seem to make me tired of touching him.

“Come with me to workout sometime.” I caressed his chest. “Mukha naman kasi’ng masipag na masipag ka…”

“Saan? Sa workout o sa iba’ng bagay?” he asked me boldly, nangiti ako. “Huhubaran din kita.” hinawakan niya ako, hinalikan muna ako bago hinubad sa akin ang suot ko’ng longsleeve. “Ang ganda mo, sobra.”

Natatawa ako, pakiramdam ko nambobola lang siya sa akin, natatawa ako kasi grabe din siya kung magpacute sa akin na alam niya’ng ikakangiti ko din. Sobra na niya ako’ng napapangiti.

“Binobola mo lang ako, eh” dahan-dahan niya’ng tinggal ang bra ko. “Tignan mo, ’yung bra ko.” tumawa siya. “Hindi ko akalaing may pagkamanyak ang kagaya mo, David.” He undressed everything to me while laughing, he never stopped laughing. Maybe he laughs at my complaining and at the way he makes me cute.

I looked at him looking at all his underwear. I was devastated to see the whole of him, that’s why I really couldn’t take it then.

A smirk flashed on his lips. I turned away immediately and walked closer to the bathtub. Eto nanaman kami sa bathtub na ’to.

“Gusto mo ko’ng tikman? Pwede naman.” hindi ko pinansin ang mga sinasabi niya. Sumampa ako sa bathtub sabay na umupo, nilingon ko naman siya kagaya ko ay naupo na din siya sa harap ko.

Lumapit ako kagad sa kanya, umupo ako sa pagitan ng hita niya at sumandal. He, in turn, moves, bathes me and puts soap and shampoo on me. I let him caress me, even if he caresses me a few times, it’s okay with me.

“Ang sarap mo naman paliguan.” humalik siya sa pisngi ko, nilalagyan ng sabon ang dibdib ko. “Paliguan na lang din kita araw-araw.” nagpatuloy siya sa pagliligo sa akin, nakangiti lang ako habang dinadama ko siya.

Kasi ramdam na ramdam ko siya, lahat ramdam ko sa kanya kahit simple’ng ginagawa lang niya sa akin.

Pagkatapos niya’ng paliguan ako, siya naman ang pinaliguan ko, nagkukwentuhan kami’ng dalawa. Nagsasabi siya sa akin na mas lalo ko siya’ng inalagaan.

“Asawa kita, Aalagaan kita.” Binanlawan ko ang buhok niya. Yumayakap siya at sumusubsob sa akin habang binabanlawan ko.

Napangiti ako, hindi ko mapigilan ang ngiti ko kapag ganito siya. Ang sobra’ng lambing niya sa akin. Inayos ko ang buhok niya pagkatapos ko siya’ng tuluyang banlawan. Tumigil ako at tinignan ko siya.  

I was devastated to see the water dripping from his hair down to his chest, at the same time the thing cocombed her hair.

I couldn’t speak as I looked at him, because the beating of my chest was so strong. I just saw him like this now, this is what I want but I feel like I’m losing myself.

I crouched down, my hands shaking on his shoulders, I didn’t know what I wanted to do. “Y-You look so hot…” his smile widened as if he knew what I meant.

“Weh? Are you sure?” he teasingly asked me. “do you want to touch me?” I can see his teasing and laughing.

“D-David,” he tends to really tease me. I slapped him lightly and I felt like I was blushing. Tumawa nanaman siya sa akin. “Ang hilig mo ko’ng asarin, bahala ka–” tatayo na sana ako kaso hinila niya ako paupo kaagad.

I felt him in my seat, I blushed even more and walked away immediately. I approached the end of the bathtub.

“David!” I screamed, I touched my whole body. “David, ha!” Lumakas ang tawa niya sa akin, nang-aasar siya lalo. Hawak niya ang buhok niya habang tumatawa kahit naiinis ako hindi ko mapigilang tignan kung paano siya tumawa, sobra’ng saya niya kasi lalo na ’yung mga mangiti niya.

My heart beat faster, I watched him quietly. It’s nice to hear his laughs, it’s not boring to listen to.

I was still blushing leaving the bathtub. Palagi na lang niya ako’ng inaasar, kulang na lang ayaw niya’ng tumigil kakatawa. Binalot ko ang katawan ko sa bathtub. Nilingon ko siya sa pwesto niya. Hindi na siya tumatawa, tahimik siya at nakangiti’ng pinagmamasdan ako.

“I love you” His sweet smile came out. I smiled back.

“I love you so much”

’I’m so happy, Wifey “I was happier with what he was feeling.

“I’m so happy with you, David” Damn, I’m so inlove with my Husband.

Chapter 52

Agustina

“Daddy! Mommy! Gusto ko po, Ice cream!” Sumisigaw si Aleah habang buhat ni David, kagaya nga ng sinabi ni David talaga’ng lumabas nga kami’ng tatlo.

Sinunod lang naman namin kung saan ang gusto ni Aleah, nagpunta lang naman kami sa EK. Nakapunta na din naman ako rito pero masyado’ng matagal na, halos naninibago na din ako sa mga ayos nila.

Araw ng sabado dahil para madami’ng tao, madami’ng bata’ng nagsisigawan at mga magbabarkada na nagkakasiyahan. Nilingon ko ang nagtitinda ng Ice cream, ang dami’ng tao at ang hirap pumila.  

“Ano’ng gusto mo?” tanong ko kay Aleah, nanatili siya’ng nakayakap sa Daddy niya. Hindi na nga halos makalayo gusto palagi’ng nakakapit sa kanya. “Strawberry?”

“Love, Strawberry din sa akin.” humarap sa akin si David, syempre hindi nawawala sa kanya ang pagpapacute sa akin, ginagayaa niya ang anak niya. Natawa ako bigla, hindi ko tuloy maiwasang malakasan ng tawa dahilan para tinignan nila ako’ng dalawa. “Ayaw mo ’ko bilhan ng ice cream?” mas lalo ako’ng tumawa, hindi ko talaga maiwasan.

Hinawakan ko si David habang tumatawa pa din. “Ang cute mo.” I saw his blush, he averted his eyes but there were his smiles.

“Daddy, you’re blushing” Aleah said as we walked closer to the ice cream stall lined up by the kids. “Daddy, you’re cute” I didn’t stop laughing.

“Love naman” David turned to me, frowning and slightly raised his eyebrows but he was still blushing.

I shook my head and couldn’t help but laugh.

“Three strawberry ice cream please” I said as we approached the counter, the man at the counter smiled at me. Napatingin ako sa lalaki, mukha’ng mas bata siya kumpara sa amin. Hindi natanggal ang ngiti niya sa akin.

“Mag-isa lang po kayo, Ma’am?” tinignan ko siya ulit. “O may kasama po kayo?”

“May kasama ako.” Tinanggap ko ang tatlo’ng ice cream na inilahad niya sa akin, hindi naman maalis ang tingin niya sa akin at ngiti, wala naman nakakatakot sa ngiti niya pero hindi ako ayos. “Thank you.”

“Wife.” napalingon kami pareho, nasa likod ko lang naman kasi si David at si Aleah nag-uusap sila habang bumibili ako kanina. “Tara.” humawak ako kay David, hinila ko na siya papunta sa benches na pwede namang upuan.

Pagod na din si Aleah, kanina pa kami naglalaro sa mga arcades at ang dami na din niya’ng nakukuha’ng premyo dahil sa laro ni David, yun nga lang pumunta pa din kami sa horror house kahit ayoko kasi gusto ni Aleah. Halos naman nagustuhan niya. Nakailang sakay pa nga kami sa roller coaster dahilan para mahilo pa ako.

Inilapag ni David si Aleah sa gitna naming dalawa, ibinigay ko sa kanya ang isang hawak ko’ng ice cream. “Baby, eto na ’yung ice cream mo.” nakangiti’ng tinanggap ni Aleah ang ibiigay ko.

While we were eating Aleah was just talking, David and I were listening to her. It’s not really boring to listen to my daughter, her beautiful voice is always fun to listen to.

She never runs out of stories to tell, nor do we lose the urge to listen to her.

“I just experienced this again” she said after she finished what she was eating. “I’m happy because you’re with me” I smiled.

“I’m happy because you accepted me, Mommy” she looked up at me. “Like Daddy” I caressed her cheek. She’s so cute.

“I accept you no matter what you are, Baby.” I kissed her tenderly. “I love you, my angel”

We heard the sound of the camera. We looked on.

David’s phone was focused on Aleah and me, I think he got it all before we turned around. Matamis siya’ng ngumiti sa amin. “Ang cute naman ng mag-ina ko.” tinitigan niya lalo ang litrato namin sa phone niya. “Lalo na ang mommy mo, anak, ang ganda talaga.”

Bolero talaga

“Binobola mo nanaman ako, David” sambit ko. Tumawa si Aleah.“Baby, ’yung Daddy mo bolero” sumbong ko sa anak ko. Lumakas naman ang tawa ni David dahil sa sinasabi ko para’ng hindi siya masasanay. “Tignan mo, pinagtatawanan lang ako.”

“Hindi ka po binobola ni Daddy, maganda ka po talaga.” She sat on my thigh, touching both my cheeks. “You’re just as beautiful as Mommy Adelaine” She was really referring to her Mommy. “You’re both the same as Mommy”

I hugged him right away, as soon as xhe spoke I knew she missed her Mommy. I feel like ahe already missing it.

“We’ll visit Mommy again, baby, when I’m not busy anymore.” I caressed her hair. “I know you miss her. When Daddy is no longer busy, we’ll visit her.”

“When I come back, we’ll visit Mommy right away, right?” David spoke. He came over to hold his dauhter. “Promise”

“So, what about the Ferris wheel?” tanong ni David kay Aleah, napatingin ako sa Ferris wheel wala namang masyado’ng tao kaya hindi kami mahihirapan sumakay at pumila. Gusto ko din sumakay sa Ferris wheel paborito ko palagi iyon bata pala’ng ako. “Wifey? Gusto mo sumakay sa Ferris wheel?”

Tumango ako kaagad. “Oo,” hinawakan niya ang kamay ko gamit ang isa’ng kamay niya, buhat nanaman kasi niya si Aleah halos ayaw ng bumitaw sa kanya palagi’ng gusto nakayakap at nakabuhat.

Sumakay kami sa pangalawang sakayan, sa kabila’ng upuan kami habang si ALeah ay sa unahan namin ni David. “Baby, kumapit ka.” paalala ko sa kanya. “Umuuga ang sinasakyan antin, kumapit ka.”

“Opo, Mommy” unti-unti’ng gumalaw ang sinasakyan namin, unti-unti’ng tumataas ito dahilan para magustuhan ni Aleah lalo dahil nakikita na niya ang buo’ng kapaligiran.

“Mommy, Daddy, It’s so beautiful!” nakaaalay kami’ng dalawa sa kanya, nasa gilid na siya at tumitingin sa ibaba. “Ngayon lang po ako nakasakay sa ganito.” She was holding on to the railing, smiling looking up and feeling the cold air blowing through our bodies. I held David’s hand tightly as I looked at our son. She looked so happy with us. I’m so happy because i have her.

“You looked so happy, Wifey..” I slowly turned to David, because I couldn’t take my eyes off Aleah. Ngumiti ako sa kanya, ngumiti ako ng sobra’ng lapad. “You are so beautiful, Love” lumapit ang mukha niya sa atin at ginawaran ako ng halik sa noon. “I fall in love more with your smiles “

“Syempre patay na patay ka sa akin” asik ko. “Ganyan talaga.”

“Oo ha, patay na patay sa’yo” pinisil ko ang ilong niya. “Mahal na mahal kaya kita.” naramdaman ’ko kaagad ang pamumula ko. Ang lamig pero namumula ako. “Namumula ka.” asar niya’ng sambit. Dumadalos ang kamay niya sa baywang ko.

“Alam ko mahal mo ’ko.” umiwas ako ng tingin sa kanya. Kahit kailan talaga. Hindi ’ko pinigilan ang mga ngiti ko, ibinalik ko ang tingin ko kay Aleah na abala pa din kakatingin sa ibaba. “Sobra’ng saya ’ko, David…”

“Masaya ako dahil masaya kayo.” Hindi ako kailanman binigo ng mga salita ni David, naniniwala ako’ng hindi’ng-hindi niya ako bibiguin. “Masaya ako kasi masaya ka.”

“Tulog na si Aleah, Hubby” napatingin ako sa backseat kung nasaan si Aleah, nakatalikod siya at naririnig ko na ang hilik niya. ’Ang sarap ng tulog, talaga’ng napagod.“ Bumalik ako sa pagkakaharap sa kanya.

“Wife.”

“Yes, Love?” nakangiti’ng tanong ko sa kanya, nilingon niya ako saglit bago matumingin sa daan. Mahirap na nagmamaneho pa siya. “Bakit? Mamimiss mo siguro ako.”

“Oo, mamimiss kita” hinawakan niya ang kamay ko gamit ang isa’ng kamay niya. “Kung pwede lang isama ko kayo, gagawin ko.” matamis ako’ng ngumiti kahit ’di siya nakatingin, hinaplos ko ang kamay niya’ng nakahawak sa akin. “May trabaho ka din dito.”

“Babalik ka naman, maghihintay kami dito ni Aleah. Hihintayin ka namin.” inangat ko ang kamay namin at hinawakan ang kamay niya.

“Pero iba pa din ’yung kasama kita umalis…aalis nanaman ako.” Tinignan ko lang siya. Pilit ko pa ding inaalis sa sarili ko ’yung pigilan siya’ng umalis, kasi alam ko naman aalis siya ng ayos kami, hindi na kagaya noon na umalis siya ng hindi kami ayos.

Because I know he will come back and come back to me without me doing anything. Yes, I don’t want to let to leave, because it was different when he left when he left tomorrow, we’ll be fine.

I’m afraid he left, not to distrust him, I just don’t want anything bad to happen while I’m not by his side. Natatakot pa din ako’ng mangyari sa akin ’yung nakaraan. Kasi gusto ko na siya ngayon, gusto ko na siya palagi sa akin. Ayoko’ng umaalis siya pero kailangan ko. Hindi ko naman siya pwede’ng palagi na lang pigilan. Kailangan niya magtrabaho sa pamilya namin at para sa pamilya niya.

“Ayoko’ng umalis…ayoko’ng iwan ka dito. Iba ’yung umalis ako, sa aalis ako ngayon.” he squeezed my hand. “We’re fine, I can’t get away with this.”

“We’re fine, David, I want you to leave well too.” I heard his sigh. “You’re coming back, aren’t you? Come back, I’ll wait for you.”

“I don’t want to leave…” I looked at him, I could see he really didn’t want to leave.

“Ayoko’ng umalis ka pero alam ko namang babalik at babalik ka.” malumanay na sambit ko. ’May tiwala ako, palagi ako’ng may tiwala sa’yo“

“Sumama ka na lang kaya sa akin” ngumuso siya. “Ayoko’ng hindi ka kasama.”

“Palagi tayo’ng mag-uusap kapag wala ka ng ginagawa.” ngumiti ako ulit. “Huwag ka mag-alala, hindi din kita bibiguin.” Gumanti ako ng higpit sa hawak sa kanya.

“I trust on us.”

“Please, trust on our relationship…” 

Author’s Note

  Next week is my semester break, I will finish this story before our break is over. Sorry if I just updated, I’ve been busy the past few days. Again, thank you for reading and for waiting.

Thank you so much.

This story is about to end.

Chapter 53

Agustina

Talaga’ng umalis si David kahit pa ayaw niya, ayaw niya’ng umalis dahil wala ako, ayaw niya’ng umalis kasi hindi niya ako kasama. Kahit nag-usap na kami kagabi hindi ko pa din mapipigilan ang nararamdaman niya. Paano naman ako, mas ayoko siya’ng umalis pero hinayaan ko. 

Ayoko’ng maging makasarili sa mga bagay na pwede niya’ng matanggap mula sa trabaho niya. Alam ko’ng asawa niya ako pero wala ako’ng karapatang maging makasarili sa buhay niya. I want our relationship to be good no matter what happens, we are old enough to fight over things that are easy to understand.

It’s not just pure relationships that need to be understood, before the relationship you need to be broad in what happens.

I do it, we do it for our own good. Because I want our relationship to be good no matter what happens. One of the things I learned from David was to be content, to trust and to be more caring about things.

It’s true, it’s true, David has given me so much that has changed me so much. I have learned to understand others and not just myself. He’s not selfish since before. I like that his attitude. I really like what he have in himself. Because of him I really want to be a better person. 

“It’s my birthday today, Olivia is not talking to me.” Nilingon ko si Cristal. Nakaupo siya sa bar counter at malungkot na mukha ang ipinapakita niya. May plano naman kasi ang girlfriend niya kung bakit hindi niya makausap ng maayos. 

“Baka busy” si Vlad na nagmamaang-maangan pa. “Hayaan mo muna, mamaya baka kausapin ka na” 

Nagreklamo si Cristal “Wala naman siya’ng trabaho ngayon.” Tinignan ko lang siya. Sa boses pa lang niya alam ko’ng si Olivia ang gusto niya ngayong birthday niya. “Kanina pa siya hindi nagrereply sa akin.” 

“Baka may iba’ng ginagawa,” si Abby nasa tabi niya si Maxl na tumitingin-tingin sa akin na para’ng may alam. “Huwag ka masyado’ng malungkot, sabi mo nga kasama niya parents niya ngayon.” Cristal silenced her sadness but I can’t ruin Olivia’s plan with her now.

“Tomorrow, it’s our 6 year anniversary” So Olivia’s plan was worth it, they got engaged later, how come it’s their anniversary tomorrow.

“Just wait for Olivia, Cristal, you’ll talk later” tumango-tango siya. “Tatawagan ka din niya, ’wag ka na malungkot.” 

“Birthday mo ngayon, ’wag ka malungkot.” hinaplos ni Cris ang buhok ng kapatid niya. “Ay, birthday ko din pala” Natawa ako kasi natawa si Cristal, Niyakap niya ang kapatid. Ang sweet talaga nila kahit minsan nag-aaway sila kasi inaasar siya ng kapatid niya. 

“Hlig mo talaga’ng asarin ’yang kapatid mo, Cris” si Joshua. “Susuntukin ka na niya sa ginagawa mo” “Hindi, mahal ako niyan” niyakap niya si Cristal, malambing na humalik sa noo nito. “Kahit nagagalit siya sa akin, mahal niya ako” we looked at them, Cristal felt the kiss and hug of her twin. It’s true that even if they fight once, even if Cristal is annoyed with him, she still loves him.

“Sweet nyo naman” Valeries, caressing her tummy, it’s a bit big too. “Later, fight again”

We all laughed, there were times when the two of them were really sweet and then soon they would fight. “Wala’ng katapusang away”

“Mag-away na lang kayo habambuhay”

“Hindi, nang-aasar lang ako.” hindi bumitaw si Cristal sa kambal niya, nanatili siya’ng nakakapit at nakayakap. Natutuwa ako palagi sa kanila, wala man ako’ng kapatid pero nandyan pa din sila para guluhin din ang buhay ko.

Oo, mag-guluhan na lang kami ng buhay.

“Joshua, gago ka bakit ganyan mukha mo?” rinig ko’ng sunod-sunod na mura ni Vlad sa kanya. Inaayusan ko si Cristal ng buhok dahil malapit na din kami’ng bumaba para sa party na gaganapin.

“Tangina naman, Pre, hindi nga ako marunong” si Joshua. “Hindi lang naman ako, ikaw din naman. Tinignan mo ’yang mukha mo”

“Pareho lang tayo’ng tanga dito.” si Cris. Nasobrahan sila sa powder na nilagay nila sa mukha nila. Si Vlad hindi naman maasikaso ni Maya dahil inaayusan si Hailey at Aleah. “Ang kapal din ng powder ko.”

“Bakit ba kasi ganito, ’di ’ko alam” si Joshua, pilit na pinupunasan ang mukha niya ng tissue para matanggal ang powder sa mukha niya. “Magmukha ako’ng patay”

Tinapos ko ang pag-aayos ko kay Cristal, nakatingin lang ako sa repleksyon niya hanggang ngayon malungkot pa din siya. Hinawakan ko kaagad ang balikat niya, tiniginan niya ako sa salamin.

“Huwag ka ng malungkot, Tal, darating si Olivia ngayon.” ngumiti ako sa kanya. May tiwala naman ako kay Olivia na hindi niya ako bibiguin sa gagawin nyo’ng birthday ni Cristal.

“Hindi pa din niya ako tinatawagan, kahit text manlang wala”

“Pupunta dito si Olivia, Cristal” tumayo si Abby upang tignan ang itusra niya sa salamin. “Panigurado darating ’yun, hindi pwede’ng hindi.” Valerie and Maya, who had just given attention to two children, joined us.

“Let’s wait for her.” Valerie, already arranged and talking to Hailey and Aleah. “Don’t be sad, Tito might worry about you”

Then we arranged the boys with each other, because they did not stop complaining and insulting each other. It is said that the thickness of their pwders makes them look like vampires in too much white.

“Wait a minute, Josh” I put a little powder on Joshua’s face, the one that wasn’t too much because he put too much before.

“Twins, hasn’t Olivia called or texted yet?” I heard Cris ask Cristal because he is the one fixing it.

Nilingon ni Joshua sina Cris, inaayusan ko pa din siya habang nakikinig.

“Hindi pa din.”

“Hindi ba busy? O wala’ng sinasabi kagabi?” nagtanong si Joshua. I put Joshua well, i just put powder on him and just a little blush.

“You’re handsome” I followed to fix Joshua’s hair, they’re just the same as David’s hair so it suits him.

“Really?” he looked at his appearance in the mirror.

“Yes, always”

I looked at him pretty well as he looked in the mirror when my phone rang. I immediately looked at it.

David;

Hi, Wifey, I just arrived.

I smiled, I immediately typed for what I was going to tell him.

Agustina;

We’re getting ready, we’re down for the party. Where you are now?

He immediately seen my reply. Nakastay siya sa convo naming dalawa, nakikita ko ’yung dahil sa messenger lang kami nag-uusap. Ngayon lang siya gumamit ng messenger karaniwan kasi ay sa instagram kami’ng dalawa.

David;

This is where the meeting will be held with our company, Love, I’m just waiting for a call because they are still arranging the conference room.

Nagtipa ako kaagad nang may ngiti sa labi, kaso may sumunod pa sya’ng reply

David;

I miss you

My smile widened, I couldn’t type right away because of his next reply. d.

I bit my lip so hard, I felt like I was going crazy.

Agustina;

I miss you more

I typed again what I would say next because he had seen it right away.

Agustina;

When are you going home

David;

Do you want me to go home? just tell me I’ll be home right away.

My smile widened. I really can’t help but smile, what David is showing me now is different. He made me feel even more what I should feel.

Agustina;

Crazy, I was just asking, Hubby

David;

I’ll go home if you really want.

David;

I don’t want you to miss me like that.

Tumawa ako, hindi ko na kasi kaya ’yung tipong malayo siya pero ramdam na ramdam ko siya. Natatahimik at nangingit ako lalo sa mga nirereply niya sa akin. Nakangiti’ng napabuntong hininga ako, eto nanaman. Masyado na ako’ng kinikilig.

Agustina;

Gusto kita’ng umuwi pero kapag tapos na trabaho mo ’dyan.

“Sino’ng kinikilig ’no?” parinig ni Valerie, Nag-angat ako sa kanila ng tingin, may ngiti pa din sa labi ko lalo ako’ng nangingiti kasi inaasar nila ako.

“Baka mapunit labi” dagdag ni Maya. “Kalma lang muna”

Nagvibrate ang phone ko sa reply niya.

“Si David naman kasi.” para’ng bata’ng nagsusumbong ako sa kanila.

“Mamamtay ka na sa kilig, Agu” si Cristal na sinangayunan ni Vlad, lahat sila pinagtatawanan ako sa itsura ko ngayon.

“Baliw kayo” natatawa’ng sambit ko.

“Suss, kilig na kilig”

Ngareply ako kay David kahit pa inaasar pa din ako ng mga pinsan ko.

Agustina;

Ang hangin mo

Kinagat ko ang labi ko, para’ng baliw na ako na ngiti nang ngiti habang kaharap ang phone ko. Masyado na si David.

David;

Galing ko ba?

Piling ko talaga pinagtatawanan na niya ako. Kilala ko siya mang-aasar at mang-aasar siya sa akin, hindi niya ako titigilan.

Agustina;

Hubby, gusto mo ba mag-video call tayo? Usap na tayo para makita mo ’ko

Napangiti ako, alam ko’ng kahit wala siya’ng sabihin o hindi siya mag-sabi alam ko’ng gusto niya ako makita. Palagi siya’ng excited na kausap kausap.

David;

Sure, baby. Gusto kita’ng makita, wala naman ako’ng ginagawa.

Agustina;

Magpopropose si Olivia kay Cristal, Love

David;

Talaga? Sige mag-video call na din tayo para makita ko.

Agustina;

Mamaya kita tatawagan, bababa na kami.Tatawagan kita mamaya, Iloveyou.

Sinadya ko’ng hindi lagyan ng space ang i love you ko sa kanya.

David;

Iloveyousomuch, pakisabi kay Cristal, happy birthday, Enjoy, Wifey. Hihintayin ko tawag mo.

Muli’ng tinago ko ang phone ko, handa na kami;ng bumaba para salubungin ang mga bisita na naghihintay sa kanya, halos lahat ng kamag-anak namin ay narito, hindi naman kami kahit kailan hindi naging buo kapag may birthday na nagaganap.

“Happy birthday…” matamis ko siya’ng inalalayan pababa ng hagdan, inalalayan ko si Cristal kahit pa nakaalalay sa kanya ang kambal niya. We were immediately greeted by applause and we all went downstairs, especially Cristal and Cris, the guests who were there paid more attention to them.

She smiled at them and was happy to talk to the two of them.

I immediately went to the table if only my cousins ​​and I would have.

“Thank you po sa pagpunta ngayong kaarawan namin ng kambal ko.” bati ni Cristal, maghawak sila ng kapatid niya. “Thank you po.”

“Thank you po!” Si Cris, humahalik siya kina Tito at kinakawayan ang mga bisita. “Enjoy po kayo dito, kumain lang po kayo.”

“Ang cute naman ni Cris, natatawa ako sa kanya.” natatawa’ng sambit ko. Pagkatapos nila’ng magpasalamat ay nagpalakpakan kami’ng lahat. Pero natatawa pa din ako kay Cris, panay ang halik niya kanina Mommy at sa iba’ng bisita.

Nakikihalo ako minsan sa iba naming kapa naming mga tito at tita na panay ang kakatawag at kakapicture kasama kami, kumakain naman ako tapos nakikihalo pa ako sa iba.

“Teka lang, nasisilaw na ako sa camera!” pinupunasan ni Vlad ang mata nkya, hinihila kasi siya ni Maya na magpicture daw sila’ng dalawa. “Wait lang, Love”

“Ang gwapo mo nga, oh” kumapit sa kanya si Maya, minsan tinitgnan ko din sina Abby at Maxl na halos nagpipicutre din. Napanguso ako, mas maganda kung nandito si David.

“Picture tayo’ng lahat.” lumapit sa table namin sina Cris, nakabalik pa sila dahil pinagkakaguluhan sila ng iba nila’ng kamag-anak. Nagsalo-salo kami para sa groupie, si Maxl ang naging cameraman namin.

’Sige, dikit pa kayo.“ sabi niya. Mas lalo’ng sidikitan ang mga pinsan namin sa isa’t-isa, halos maiipit na ako kina Joshua at Vlad, sabay pa naumaakbay sa akin si Valerie sa likod. We all focused on the camera and Maxl would catch us right away.

“One more” she pointed the camera at us again, smiling “Wacky too”

I did the pose of the cousins ​​who were paeace and you even did the swag pose that they wanted.

Maxl looked at our photo with a laugh, as if she was still laughing. “Its cute”

She showed us a picture of my cousins ​​and me, I also couldn’t help but laugh at the swag, it was like we were kids.

“Kuya, ang panget mo!” humagalpak ng tawa si Cristal habang tinitignan ang pose namin. “Mukha ka’ng adik dito”

“Pareho lang tayo, tinignan mo mukha ka’ng kamote!”

“Ang sama mo, Cris” sigaw ni Vlad “Lahat naman tay–”

“Kayo’ng dalawa lang ni Cris mukha’ng kamote” angal ni Maya sa asawa niya. “Ang cute nga ng mga bata o, dinaig pa tayo.”

“Mana kasi sa akin anak natin, ang ganda.”

Tumawa ako. “Baka kasi lahi namin maganda.” singgit ko. “Dahil talaga ’yung sa lahi namin.”

“Maganda lahi namin, Vlad” si Valerie, “Kaunti nga lang nakuha sa’yo ng anak mo”

Pinagtawanan nina Joshua si Vlad, natatalo kasi siya sa amin. “Baka pati ’yung susunod na baby, kamukha nanaman ni Maya.”

“Hindi ’yan, ginalingan ko para ako naman kamukha.”

“Ang kalat mo naman, pre” reklamo ni Cris. “Nahahawa na sa’yo si Maya”

Kinuha ko ang phone ko, tatawagan ko na si David kahit pa wala pa dito si Olivia, ang tagal niya kasi hindi ko alam kung kailan siya pupunta.

“Wifey” David’s smile dawned on me, I adjusted my phone so he could always see me on the screen.

“Wow, you’re so beautiful …” I could see is blush. “I wish I was there,”

My smile widened “Come home too, you can be with me too.”

I showed David to my cousins, and nothing happened my cousins ​​talked to him. He even greeted Cristal and Cris and said he would give them a gift when he got home.

“Yes, I have a gift for you.” he laughed as he waved at Aleah and Hailey. “Promise”

“Where’s Olivia now?” he asked, I was still a little nervous because he might say.

“Not yet” Cristal replied. “I’m waiting for–”

I felt Vlad holding me, I turned to him.

“Olivia isn’t here yet” Cristal added.

“Si Olivia, nakita ko na pumasok” bulong niya sa akin.

“Ano ’yan?” suminggit si Maxl, muntik pa ako’ng magulat. Pasalamat na lang ay kausap ng mga pinsan ko si David sa phone. “Nakita ko si—”

“Shh” si Vlad na pinigilan siya. “Kailangan ko’ng dalhin si Cristal sa gitna”

“Ako na lang—”

“Cristal, Anak” natahimik kami’ng lahat, ibinalik sa akin ni Abby ang phone ko. Nasa screen pa din si David pati siya ay natahimik na din. “Halika…”

“Po? Bakit po?” Lumapit si Cristal sa Daddy niya, humawak at humalik siya rito.

“Sumama ka sa akin…” Tito Arnold smiled sweetly at her, as if I was already aware of what was going to happen. “I’ll give it to you …”

“What, Daddy?” confused she asked her Daddy. “What will you give me?”

“Come with me,” Tito repeated, even though Cristal was confused. We hurried to follow, especially Vlad and me.

“May regalo ba ulit si Cristal?” tanong ni Abby, tumignin sa amin si Maxl bago sinagot ang girlfriend niya.

“Yes, may regalo ulit si Cristal…” masuyo’ng hinalikan si Abby sa noo. “Makikita natin kung ano regalo sa kanya. 

“It’s there, Love?” I looked back at my phone, David just watching me. “Show me love, I want to see”

“Okay, I love you” I pointed the camera at Cristal and Tito who were already in the middle, the other guests looking at them. Honestly excite me, as in too much.

“Happy birthday” I smiled as soon as Olivia came out.

“L-Love” I see the overjoy in Cristal’s eyes.

Chapter 54

Agustina

“Love, I’m happy…” dahan-dahang lumapit si Oliva kay Cristal, naiiyak na tinitignan siya nito. “Akala ko…hindi ka pupunta…”

“Pupunta ako…sinama ko sina Mommy…” napatingin ako sa mga magulang ni Olivia, alam ko’ng naghihintay na din sila emosyonal na nanonood. “Happy birthday, I’m sorry, don’t cry.”

Nakikita ko ang panonood ninDavid mula sa phone, minamabuti ko’ng ituktok ng maayos.

“Geez, I’m excited…” mahina’ng bulong ko.

Inabot ni Olivia ang bulaklak kay Cristal. “Sobra’ng ganda mo.” Hindi ko pinigilan ang ngiti ko. I laughed because I could hear David’s sighs as if I really enjoyed watching. I was bitten on the lip as we looked at Cristal and Olivia in the middle, the guests were also staring at them.

“I missed you, I thought we had a problem …” Cristal said, clinging to her girlfriend. “Because you didn’t .. talk to me or call me.” nakayuko’ng nagsasalita siya, dahil na siguro nahihiya siya dahil lahat kami nanonood sa kanila.

“Wala, sinundo ko pa siya sina Mommy para makapunta na kaagad dito. Sorry kung hindi kita nasabihan.”

“Teka, kinikilig ako.” rinig ko’ng sambit ni David sa kabila’ng linya. “Ganyan ka din magtampo sa akin, Love”

“Magtatampo ako kapag ’di ka umuwi kaagad.” bawi ko kaagad na sambit sa kanya. “Sige, pareho pala kami ha” Tawa siya nang tawa sa kabila’ng linya. “Nababaliw ka na”

“Oo, nakakabaliw ka naman kasi.” My smile at him increased even more, nothing but when he spoke to me I always just smiled. All my smiles I almost give to him. Just for him really.

Olivia held one of Cristal’s hands, I don’t know what else they’re going to talk about but I’d rather have what should have happened happen.

“I’m happy because until now we’re still together, you’re still here for me you didn’t leave me ….” Silence enveloped us all when Olivia began to speak. “I was happy when I was able to fulfill my dreams of being with you.”

“In these few years, I want us to always be happy, I still want us to be happy even if sometimes we don’t lose a problem” Olivia stroked his hand. “Masaya ako sa piling mo…”

Tumitig sila’ng dalawa sa mata ng isa’t-isa. The type to stare at them just the two of them, the two of them just together and won’t understand anything else.

“I have nothing else to ask but you, you will always be with me until the end.” I saw a few tears in Olivia’s eyes. “I feel like I’m going to disappear when you’re gone, because I don’t want to”

“I’ve wanted you so much in my life since then even though I was scared … even though there were many obstacles for me. Because I can’t be quiet without you choosing in my life …”

“I want to give you everything, everything you deserve, everything that will make you happy.” she sighed, her tears continuing to fall. “I have nothing more to ask for but to be with you … Be with me to the end.”

“Happy birthday and Advance Happy Anniversary”

Olivia knelt down, we began to have fun and excitement. Naghihiyawan na kami ng mga pinsan ko, nakikisali pa si David na sumisigaw sa kabila’ng linya. Para na din ako’ng sasabog sa nararamdaman ko ng inilabas ni Olivia ang singsing.

She opened it and presented it to Cristal, I couldn’t help but cry because Cristal was already crying while looking at Olivia.

“I love you …”

“Will you marry me?” I can also see Mommy crying and then Tito who is on the side, looking at their daughter who is about to be married by someone else.

“Yes! Yes … Olivia” Olivia took the ring and hurriedly put it on Cristal’s finger before she stood up, “I-I love it so much …”

Olivia hugged her quickly, hug very tightly.

“My sister is married! I can’t accept!” crying Cris ran and hugged the two of them in front. “Ayoko mawala kapatid ko sa akin!” iyak siya nang iyak habang niyayakap sina Cristal at Olivia.

Masihgabong palakpakan ang pinakawalan naming lahat, natutuwa ako, natutuwa kami dahil magsasama na sila. Ikakasal na at wala ng iba’ng makakapigil pa sa kanila. Pinunasan ko ang luha ko kahit nasa kabila’ng linya pa din si David nakihalo ako sa mga pinsan ko na yumakap na din sa kanila.

“Congrats” niyakap ko ng mahigpit si Cristal, magkakaroon na din siya ng asawa. Malalaman na niya ang buhay mag-asawa na gusto’ng-gusto na niya’ng maramdaman kay Olivia. “I’m so happy for you…”

“Sagot ko honeymoon.” singgit ni David, kinakausap niya si Olivia pagkatapos ko’ng yakapin si Cristal.

“Kami na bahala sa kwarto.” nakakaloko’ng nilingon nina Cris si Olivia. “Basta ’yun–”

“Manahimik ka, Pre” tinakpan ni Vlad ang bibig niya. “Madami’ng tao itahimik mo muna ’yan bibig mo.”

“Tara picture tayo ulit!” mas madami’ng nakisalo sa amin, halos lahat na ata ang bisita ay kasama namin sa litrato dahil pati sila ay masyaa’ng masaya sa nangyari kina Olivia. Sumunod ako’ng nakihalo kanina Mommy hinila ko kaagad si Aleah para sa family picture kahit nasa phone lang si David.

The night ended with us barely erasing the smile on our lips, especially Cristal and Olivia who were together and talking.

Cristal looked at her ring while smiling, she couldn’t erase that smile because she was so happy it happened. I smiled even more, because his smile was contagious.

“I’m so happy, Love” She leaned on Olivia’s shoulder, they held hands. Feeling each other.

Olivia kissed her forehead tenderly. “I’m happy too, too.” they glued each other’s faces. “I’m so happy” I smiled. “Dito na muna ako magpapalipas ng gabi…”

“Weh? Baka mapa-aga ang honeymoon” singgit ni Abby, “Ang bilis naman”

“Hindi, save mo na ’yan Cristal para sa honeymoon, huh?” kaagad siya’ng pinamulahan sa sinabi ko. “Olivia, ’wag muna” Nagtawanan kami’ng lahat dail pareho na sila’ng namumula. If only David were here I know he would have more to say, I know he’s very good at things like this.

“I’m going to attend Leigh’s wedding today” I was stunned at putting the cupcakes in the box at what she said.

“Wedding? Now?” I had no idea that Leigh and Aya were married there now. “Where are you?”

I stopped what I was doing so that I could talk to him better. Isang linggo na din naman mula noong nagpropose si Olivia at ang birthday nina Cristal at Cris. Isang linggo na ding nasa iba’ng bansa si David dahil sa Trip niya. Sa isa’ng linggo naman palagi kami’ng nagtatawagan, wala’ng mintis ang araw-araw namin.

Dahil hindi kami pumaoayag pareho na hindi mag-usap kapag free time namin. Kahit siya ayaw niya kapag wala na siya’ng ginagawa tatawag siya kaagad sa akin para magkwento sa lahat ng nangyayari sa kanya roon.

Hindi naman ako nagkukulang sa kanya palagi, palagi ko siya’ng hinihintay. Wala namang dahilan para hindi ko siya hintayin kasi namimiss ko na din talaga siya. Miss ko na siya sobra.

I could only hear the sound of the radio on the other line.

“Still at the hotel, just after our meeting.” I glanced at some cupcakes that were already in the box. “I really want to go home” I heard her sigh.

I leaned my body against the counter. “I miss you so much” my chest throbbed. “I want to be with you, you and Aleah”

“I miss our daughter,” he added. “Isa’ng meeting na lang makakauwi na din ako.”

“Miss na miss ka na ni Aleah, kailan ka daw uuwi.”  “Malapit na ako’ng umuwi, uwi’ng-uwi na ako, ha” tumawa ako. Halata sa kanya na atat na atat siya’ng umuwi, para’ng sabik na sabik na lang siya palagi sa amin.

“Makakuwi ka din, magsabi ka kung kailan ka-uuwi para masusundo ka namin” sabi ko. “Gusto ko tapusin mo na lahat bago ka umuwi.” narinig ko ang ilang singhap niya. “Natatawa ka ba? O Kinikilig nanaman?” tinakpan ko ang labi ko sa kakangiti.

“Pareho” tumawa siya. “Masaya kasi ako nag-kausap nanaman tayo.”

“Palagi tayo’ng magkausap, palagi din tayo’ng masaya.” Really just trust we both need to be happy, We also need to understand everything.

“I’m bored, I miss you” I said. “It’s true, it’s not obvious”

“Obviously, I feel like you miss me” he teased. “You always miss me, Agu”

“Maybe it’s you” I returned to him. “Ikaw ’to’ng patay na patay sa akin”

“Oo naman, hindi na ata sasakto kasi totoo naman.” 

“Palagi naman ako’ng masaya kausap ka. Uuwi na ako para makasama na kita at ang anak natin.”

“Hindi na ako makatiis na makita ka ulit, David.” I bit my lower lip. I really miss him, I feel like I can’t take it anymore. I really want to be with him.

Always be with me. Only with him and him will I be able to stay, waiting for him no matter what happens. Because I know he will really come back, he will come back.

I feel so much that his love is real, it hasn’t changed even a few years have passed between the two of us, he accepted and loved me even more than I expected.  This is what I want to feel, to feel that he is always with me. I have nothing else to ask but to be with him, I can only be with him and our daughter I am happy.

I will always ask him that really. He is the one I want to be with until old age. He who no matter what happens to everyone. I really deserve him, I couldn’t see him then because I was too blind and afraid to give in to him. I am so thankful because we met again, we met again for the second time.

Author’s Note

 The next chapter is David’s P.O.V, It’s Epilogue next chapter. Thank you for reading and supporting.

The next thing I will write is BL SERIES: 1, I hope you will also support it.

Epilogue

David

Ngumiti ako, masaya’ng-masaya ako sa kanya. Palagi ako’ng masaya. At mas lalo’ng minamahal ko siya ngayon. Binaba ko ang phone pagkatapos naming mag-usap, kapag nakakausap ko siya ayoko na lang may iba’ng gawin.

I bit my lip as I looked out the window. I couldn’t stop smiling again. I was just shaking as I stared at my wallpaper.

Photo of Agustina and Aleah when we were in Ek. They are so beautiful, I can’t get tired of always staring at the picture of them.

“You’re going to tear your lips, Sir” I frowned when I saw Leonel.

Sir always calls me because he was the bartender when I got drunk. I looked up, his boyfriend, Mateo Duncan following.

I didn’t know he wasn’t straight. O baka naman nagaya na din siya sa akin. Alam ko kasi mahilig siya sa babae. Ngayon ko lang siya ulit nakita hindi ko alam na isa din pala siya sa mga director sa kompanya ng asawa ko.

“Ayoko ng Sir, tigilan mo ’ko, Leonel” muli ko’ng binaba ang tingin ko sa wallpaper ng phone ko, muli nanaman ako’ng ngiti, syempre narinig ko nanaman ang tawa ni Leo pati ni Mateo. I rolled my eyes continue staring at my phone. 

I leaned on the sofa I was sitting on, I really want to go home I miss my Daughter especially my wife. A week I’ve been here I’m not calm I really want to go home.

I want to see her and be with my Daughter. I won’t wait after Aya and Leigh’s wedding, I’ll hurry home. I sighed at the thought, I also couldn’t erase my smile from what I wanted to happen when I got home.

“Why, sir?” I frowned at Leonel, Sir, he’s a sir to me, I really don’t like sir. Palagi na lang Sir. Nakita ko kung paano tumawa si Mateo sa pagsama ng tingin ko sa boyfriend niya. Totoo naman kasi kung hindi lang makulit si Leo hindi ko siya susungitan.

“Isa pa’ng sir susuntukin na kita” Nasa harapan ko lang si Leonel kaya kita’ng-kita ko ang pagtawa niya, tawa’ng-tawa siya kapag alam niya’ng naaasar ako. Wala na siya’ng ginawa kundi ang asarin ako nang asarin.

But even if it was just them, the two of them and Agustina’s cousins ​​I found friends who were for me, that I wouldn’t be able to hurt like what happened before. And especially Leigh.

I glared at Leonel even though there was still a smile on my lips, I smiled at my thoughts, at the things I wanted to happen when I got home.

“I want to remarry my Agustina again” I said, I saw them smiling at me especially Leonel.

We will get married because we love each other and not because we owe the company. I will marry again because I love her so much. At first I couldn’t believe she loved me too, she loved me I felt that.

I didn’t expect everything, I didn’t expect that the first time I would see her jealous then, the first time I saw her caring and loving me.

I didn’t expect the real love and attention she gave me, I could feel that, she was always careful with me and there was never a time that I didn’t feel her. She always made me feel that she would never fail.

For the past seven years, I have never harbored hatred for her, I have not been upset and I understand her better because I love her. I loved him even more even though we had no communication then, I waited a few years to come back again, a few years I adjusted myself even more because I did not lose hope that she might love me too and entrust herself to me.

Lahat ng hindi ko akalain na mararamdaman ko naramdaman ko sa kanya, naramdaman ko lahat. I’m so happy, I’m so happy to be with her. She and she will still be able to love me even for a few more years.

Honestly, I didn’t think that I would love her even if she wasn’t a real woman, no matter what she was, I didn’t think that I would fall for her even if she didn’t do anything to me to make me fall.

Maybe I fell for the kindness she showed before even though I didn’t treat her well. Hindi naman siya mahirap mahalin kahit ano pa ang nangyari sa amin noon. Kahit pa nasaktan niya ako.

I have accepted everything since I loved her, I have accepted without hesitation for how I feel and how calm I can be.

When I came back I didn’t think I would be happier, because I felt her again and I missed her so much during the long time we didn’t get together and see each other. I have nothing more to ask for but to be with her for too long. I am happy with the family we have now, and I will and will do more to make the three of us happier.

“You’re going to give Agustina two rings” I smiled looking at the new ring I’m going to give her, I know we can still have the ring before but I want to buy it myself and give it to her.

I happily looked in front of the altar where Aya and Leigh were standing and facing each other. Crying and happy with each other.

“Thank you for being there for me for a long time…until now, you didn’t leave me…” Leigh cried in front of Aya.

As much as I get emotional for the two of them, Leigh is very important to me. I love her so much, she really showed me the true love of a friend, she didn’t disappoint me. Sila’ng dalawa ni Aya ang naging kadamay ko noon, noon pala’ng hindi na nila ako iniwan.

“Thank you, thank you for showing the true love…” “You didn’t disappear when I needed you, you didn’t disappear even though I hurt you myself…you didn’t disappear …”

“I’m going to be your wife…I’m so happy, Love, I’m so happy because I found you…I found my home in you…”

I found my home in my wife too…

Mas lalo’ng umiyak si Aya, tuloy-tuloy ang mga luha’ng bumabagsak sa mga mata niya habang nakikinig sa mga sinasabi ni Leigh. Hindi’ng-hindi niya mapipigilan ang pag-iyak lalo na kasal nila at matagal niya’ng hinintay na maikasal sa tao’ng mahal na mahal niya.

The longer she asked to marry Leigh, the harder it was for Tita Elena to accept her. Tita Elena wasn’t cruel to her, yes at first she didn’t accept but she couldn’t do anything because her Daughter loved Aya.

I watched her cry as I watched her Daughter. I can see she is happy, she is very happy because her Daughter is happy.

“I love you, let me have you for the rest of my life.” smiling Aya said to Leigh. “Let me have you now.”

We let out a round of applause as the two of them pressed their lips together.

“Kasal na Leigh ko!” sigaw ko kaagad nang magkalayo sila’ng dalawa. “Kasal ka na, Leigh ’wag ka na masungit!” dagdag ko pa, kumakaway ako para lang makita nila ako’ng dalawa. Narinig ko siya’ng tumawa tinignan pa ako. ’I love you, Leigh!“ I give her my flying kiss.

“I love you so much!” ganti’ng sigaw niya sa akin. I cried as I looked at them, they hugged and felt each other as I watched. Nothing, I really want the relationship they have, I’m so emotional because I love them both.

I love them so much.

“Thank you, I love you …” my smile widened, I was happy because they were happy. I just want Leigh to be happy always, I want her to always be happy. Even if it’s not for me, even if it’s just for him, I’ll be quiet.

Of course, I also want to be happy like her.

“Please? I can’t afford not to be with you, I will marry my wife again!” I begged to hug Leigh’s waist. Umiiling ako habang panay pa din ang pagmamakaaw sa kanya. “Sumama ka na sa akin! Leigh, sumama ka na!”

Pinagtatawanan lang ako ni Aya habang nagmamaktol ako sa asawa niya, tinataboy ako ni Leigh malaki na daw ako kaya ko na sarili ko pero ayaw ko pa din, sasama siya sa akin kahit ayaw niya.

“Please? Sige na!” lalo ako’ng yumakap sa kanya. Hangga’t hindi siya pumapayag hindi ako titigil. “Sumama ka na, Leigh, tulungan mo ’ko maghanda.”

“David!” pilit na sinisigawan niya ako. “David, kakakasal lang namin hindi pa kami–”

“Edi sa Pilipinas kayo maghoneymoon!” Aya laughed on the sofa.

“Gago, David” she said to me while still laughing, I felt Leigh slap me. “Pangalaw–”

“Manahimik ka, Aya, isa ka pa” sinamaan ni Leigh ng tingin ang asawa niya. Hinawakan niya ang buhok ko. “Umuwi ka, mag-isa mo” pilit niya ako’ng nilalayo sa kanya pero lalo ako’ng kumapit.

“Please?” I pouted at her, I meant to look sad just she took pity on me and agreed with me. I want her to agree to come with me to the Philippines, she will help me.

“Have you bought a new ring yet, Dave?” Even as I hugged Leigh I looked at Aya on the sofa.

“Yes, there is so I’m in a hurry to go home” I replied. “Aya, how to agree with your wife?”

“I don’t know” she laughed,she winked at me. “Suyuin mo lang”

“Suyo? Tigilan n’yo nga ako” nagpatuloy si Leigh sa pag-inom ng kape, hindi niya nililingon ayaw niya talaga’ng sumama sa akin gusto pa maghoneymoon muna sila bago sumama. “Makakauwi ka nang ’di ako kasama, Dave”

“Hindi” sumandal ako sa tagiliran niya. “Gusto ’ko tulungan mo ;ko, Babe” nakanguso’ng sambit ko kahit ’di niya nakikita. “Diba promise mo sa akin palagi mo ’ko’ng sasamahan.” The three of us fell silent, Leigh didn’t speak but I felt her caress your hair, I closed my eyes as I felt her caress me.

“Okay, we’ll come with you, I’ll come” I smiled. “I’ll take care of it, I’ll help you, Babe”

“Thank you” I didn’t let go of her hug. “I’m sorry, I really want to be with you until she says yes to me.”

“Please, really want to go home.” hindi na ako makapahintay. “Thank you” Nilingon ko ang sarili ko sa salamin ng sasakyan, kinakabahan ako sa gagawin ko dahil mas lamang pa din sa akin ang saya’ng nararamdaman ko. Puro buntong hininga lang ang nagagawa ko habang nakatingin sa salamin, inaayos ko ang sarili ko.

“Kabado’ng-kabado ka na” hinawakan ako ni Leigh, inabot niya ako mula sa likod, si Aya ang nagdadrive habang si Leigh ay nasa tabi niya. They both looked at me from the front, I feel like I’m going to lose my breath I’m really nervous.

I looked at Leigh, she was holding me with a smile on her lips. “You’re really nervous”

“I think I’m going to die”

“You’re really crazy” they laughed at his wife and I was pissed, they really laughed at me. “Trust me, It’s going to be okay, Babe”

“Paghindi pumayag, Dave, umiyak ka na lang.” sumimangot ako, imbis na palakasin ang loob ko lalo naman ako’ng dinown ni Aya, porket mabait ako sa kanya ganyan na siya. “Biro lang, mahal ka ’no’n tiwala lang.” ngumiti siya sa akin. “Hayaan mo ’yang kaba mo, ’di ka naman mahal niyan.”

I smiled and even more hold Leigh.

“Call Agustina’s cousins ​​first and let them know your plan.” like she said, i did that i called my wife’s cousins ​​because i had a group chat. “ loudspeaker“

“David! When are you going home? We’ll miss you here!” Abby’s voice immediately I heard, roaring on the other line. “Would you like to talk to hope–”

“Don’t call Agustina first.” I was even more nervous.

“Bakit naman? Hindi mo ba miss si Agu?” tanong ni Joshua. “David, ha, sinasabi ’ko sa–”

“Pakinggan mo muna kasi si David, Josh!” At dahi; nagdadalang tao si Valerie ramda na ramdam ko ang inis niya kay Joshua. Kahit naman noong naroon pa ako sa bahay pati ako sinusungitan ni Valerie.

“Dave, kailan ka babalik?” tanong ni Cristal, nakikita ko sila sa kabila’ng linya nagkakagulo na. “Miss ka na ni Agu at Aleah, tulog pa sila ngayon. Late na kasi natapos ang birthday ni Tito Reynaldo.”

“Nabati ko si Tito kagabi,” kinawayan ko si Cris na inaantok pa sa kabila’ng linya. “Gusto ko lang ipaalam ’yung gusto ko mangyari ngayon.” nanahimik sila, sina Valerie ang nasa screen at nasa likod si Joshua, Vlad at Cris.

“Ano ’yan, Pre?” tanong ni Vlad. “Ano’ng balak natin, ha?” Leigh nodded at me, wanting me to tell her what I really intended to happen.

“I want to remarry my Wife again” I slowly looked at their appearance on the screen of my phone, I did not see any resistance maybe I can say they almost shout with joy.

“Omy!”

“For real?!”

“Totoo, David?” inagaw ni Joshua ang phone kay Cristal. “Totoo?! Pakakasalan mo ulit si Agustina?!”

“Josh, akin na ’yang pho–”

“Totoo?! Nasaan ka na ba ngayon?” nakisinggit si Cris at Vlad sa screen. “Umuwi ka na, David ang bagal mo!”

“Nandito ako sa pilipinas.” nakangiti’ng sagot ko sa kanila, mas lalo sila’ng naging maingay sa kabila’ng linya. Nagtitilian ang mga pinsang babae ni Agustina habang sina Cris ay patuloy ako’ng kinakausap. “Gusto ko sana sa bakeshop, may trabaho ba kayo ngayon?”

Sometimes they are not open especially when they are tired of parties at night, just like Tito Reynaldo’s night party.

“There is but we can go later in the afternoon.” Valerie snatches the phone from Joshua. He is now the one I see. “Who’s with you? We’ll help you prepare”

I smiled. “Aya and Leigh”

“Oh! Congrats please, they’re both married”

“She’s going to come with me to fix it now, I forced her to go home” I laughed looking at Leigh “I wish at least three of us would help us first so that Agustina might find you if you all come here” Valerie nodded, again others joined him.

“I’m excited, Me, Abby and then just Joshua.” Cristal “Maya and Valerie are here first” Masaya’ng-masaya ako’ng tumatango sa kanila.

“You’re so happy, Oliver” matamis na nginitian ako nina Cristal. “Pupuntahan ka namin kaagad, itext mo kami, okay? See you later!”

“Thank you!”

“I love you, Pre” hinalikan ni Joshua ang screen ng phone. “Hintayin mo ’Pre, kiss kita mamaya.” tumawa ako ng malakas. “Hintayin mo kami ha!”

“Oo, hintayin namin kayo dito. Nasa akin pa naman ang susi ng bakeshop. Ingat kayo”

Tumawa ako nang tumawa ng maibaba ko ang tawag, natatawa ako kay Joshua pakiramdam ko talaga hahalikan niya ako mamaya pagnagkita kami’ng lahat. Grabe pa naman siya kung yumakap sa akin.

“Nandito na tayo.” pinagbuksan ko ng pintuan si Leigh mula sa harapan, “Wow, lalo na ata’ng gumanda.” namamangha’ng sambit ni Leigh. ’Tara pasok na tayo para makapag-ayos na.“

Binitbit ko ang ilang pwede’ng magamit namin para sa pag-aayos, gusto ko namang mag-eeffort lalo na pakakasalan ko na siya ngayon, totoo’ng kasal na gagawin ko at gagawin naming dalawa.

I’m so excited, I can’t wait for my wife to say yes to me, we will get married again. I can’t wait, I really want Agustina and me to do this.

“David!” I almost fell down as I ran and Joshua hugged me. “Miss you, you idiot” he kissed my cheek.

“Geez, Josh” Abby laughed at the two of us, while Cristal was signing the book with Leigh, I didn’t know that Cristal had a book that Leigh wrote.

“Pre, I miss you too” even though I was laughing I let Joshua kiss me, “Sige lang, Pre, humalik ka lang.” nagtatawanan kami’ng dalawa “Baka pati labi ko gusto mong halikan?”

“Lah, punyeta, Joshua, kay Agustina ’yan, tigilan mo” hinihila ni Abby si Joshua palayo sa akin dahil nakayakap pa din ’to sa akin. “Kami naman ang yayakap, tama ka na”

“Mamaya na ulit, Josh” sinalubong ko ng yakap si Abby at Cristal. “So Cristal, I’m happy you’re now married” hinawakan ko sila sa buhok pareho. “Ikaw naman, Abby? Kailan ang kasal?” ngumuso si Abby.

“Hindi ko alam. Saka ’di naman kami nagmamadali ni Maxl” I hugged them again, like Leigh I really spoiled Agustina’s cousins, of course especially she didn’t change whatever I was doing to her back then.

“How are you? Namiss ko kayo” Joshua joined us in a hug. “I miss my wife and child too”

“They miss you more, David, Aleah is already looking for you” Joshua said. ’Kaunti na lang talaga, iship ko na ang anak mo at si Hailey“ I pinched hischeek, Cristal and Abby hugged me even more. “Stop that first, Josh, they’re still young”

“No, I’ll bet they’ll grow up together” sinabunutan niya ako. “Gusto ko sila para sa isa’t-isa”

After a few minutes of talking we started to fix, I also want to finish because it took us all longer to talk than to fix.

While arranging and preparing some food that Cristal and Abby made at the table, my nervousness intensified even more, I was happy to be nervous. My feelings are mixed as I think about what will happen later.

I missed her, only now will I see her again. Now I can be with her and be with my Daughter.

I really want her to be my forever, she’s the only one I can be with until I’m happy, I don’t have anything else to ask for. She’s the only one really.

I want to be with her until the end, no matter what happens she will be with me in my future and will be the mother of our future children. I am satisfied with her and have no other desires because we can adopt if we want to have another child.

Agustina;

Love, we had lunch, did you eat there?

I smiled as soon as I read my Agustina’s text to me. She never forgot to update me daily even though I was very busy at work the past few weeks. He never tired of waiting for me even though I was too tired to talk and call him every day then, he still waited for me even though I was too long.

David;

Yes, Baby, how are you and our Daughter?

Seen

She saw it immediately, I smiled especially when I saw that sh was typing a reply to me.

Agustina;

We’re fine here, very fine, you, how are you? When are you going home

I’m finally home, My Love. Just a little patience, you can be with me too, we will meet again.

My grip tightened on the box of the new ring I had bought for her, I stared at it while waiting for her reply.

So beautiful, I meant to match the necklace he gave me, that necklace he gave me I was so happy when I received it. I’m so happy, because it came from him even though we were confused during those times.

She is the best gift I have ever received in my entire life, which until now and to the end will be mine.

The more I take care of the family I have, the more I will do everything for them.

Agustina;

Umuwi ka na, Please? I miss you so much

David;

I miss you

“Babe, kabahan ka na, papunta na daw ang asawa mo dito.” hinaplos ni Leigh ang likod ko, “Gusto mo na ba’ng magpalamon sa lupa?”

“Pre, pwede ka namang umatras”

Sinamaan ko sila ng tingin. “Tangina naman, hindi n’yo ba ’ko mahal, bakit kayo ganyan” nagtawanan sina Aya. “Ang sama ng ugali n’yo”

“Pwede ka namang magtago–”

“Punyeta aba” They laughed even more at the cheap I let go, they were so mean to me as if they didn’t love me.

We waited, I waited until my wife arrived, they blindfolded Agustina.

“Shh” I stopped speaking and my Daughter shouted, “Come here…” I mouthed to her. Crying she ran towards me.

“Daddy…” I hugged her tightly, I miss my Daughter so much. I turned to Cristal supporting Agustina. “I miss you, Daddy”

I kissed her lips. “I miss you too, Baby.”

“Daddy, Mommy she missed you” I nodded nodding to her.

“I’m going to remarry your Mommy, again…” she touched my face “I love you and your Mommy” Hindi ko mapigilang umiyak habang tinitignan ko’ng lalakad ang asawa ko papalapit sa akin. Para’ng gusto ko na lang siyang lapitan at halikan bigla.

“Nasaan ba tayo? Sino ba ’to’ng may hawak sa akin?” nginingitian ako ng mga pinsan niya, lalo na sina Daddy na halos kasabay lang sina Tito sa pagpasok ng bakeshop. “Magrereply pa ako kay David, ano ba meron?”

Damn, I want to hug her now. I missed him so much. It’s alrigh, Everything is gonna be already. I have confidence in the two of us. Eto na ’yung pinakahihintay ko na mangyayari sa buo’ng buhay namin.

My eyes watered as she stopped in front of me, I stared at her face, I stared at her.

“Aleah? Wait, why do I have a blindfold?” Abby and Cristal had already released her.

I couldn’t stop, my tears dripped, I stopped my sob in front of her. Because the two of us are already here in front of each other.

“So tell me first what you’re thinking right now” Valerie. “What are you thinking?”

Agustina moved as if she was trying to figure out where the voice came from. “Is that you, Cristal?” Cristal laughed softly at my side.

“Tell me what you think first” Valerie repeated. Nangiti ako kahit umiiyak ng makita ko ang pag-nguso ni Agustina, ang cute niya talaga.

“I miss my David” My smile widened even as my tears continued to fall. “I miss him so much, I want to be with him” I suppress my sobbing to him. “I want him to come home so we can be with him … so that Aleah and I can be with him”

“And?” Cristal spoke

“I want to remarry him…” I bit my lip, I couldn’t stop crying. “I want us to get married because we love each other and not because of anything else.”

“Hmm…I love him so much” a smile flashed on her lips. “I’m happy because we’re happy, he came back into my life to love me even more”

I took a breath and wiped my face, here I am again, crying again. But I’m crying now because I’m happy.

“I want to see him now” napapapikit ako. “I want my David”

“Nasabi ko na, baka pwede’ng tanggapin na ’to’ng piring”

“Agustina” nagsalita ako, ayoko ng pigilan pa ang luha ko.

“Ha? Sino ’yan? Hmm” nanahimik siya. “Love?” tinanggal niya kaagad ang piring sa kanya. Lumapad ang ngiti ko ng tuluyan ko siya’ng nakita, ang saya ko sobra. ’David…“

“Love, I’m home now…” We immediately hugged, I wrapped him in my arms too tightly. I really want to do this to him.

“You didn’t say, you’re home …”

“Yes, I’m already home … I’m already in to you.” I grabbed his two hands holding both my cheeks. “I miss you so much, My Love”

She pressed her forehead to the two of us. I felt her even more when she held me, I missed it, I missed it too much.

“I heard everything you said,” I said softly.

“Everything I said is true …” her lips touched mine. “I love you”

“I found my home in you, Agustina” I knelt down, I looked up at her and pulled out the ring that was for her.

“I want you for the rest of my life,” the two of us continued to shed tears, as did everyone with us. “Thank you for giving me, you loved everyone …” I could hardly speak because of my sobs. “W-Will marry me again, Love? Will marry me?” crying she nodded at me, she took something from the pocket of her white floral dress.

“Y-Yes, Please, Marry me too…” tumayo ako at sinuot ang singsing sa daliri niya, My tears did not stop when he took my hand and put the ring for me on my finger. “Sana–”

“I loved it so much…” I kissed the ring, it was so beautiful, I was so happy. I’m so happy. “Thank you,” I touched both of her cheeks. “I love you”

The two of us pressed our lips together again, I heard the loud applause of them all.

Now, I’m with my Wife, with my family and friends. I am contented.

I love my Agustina so much.

“Mahal na mahal kita, Agustina, ikaw lang ang paulit-ulit ko’ng hihilingin”

End

Author’s Note

Hi, Thank you for your continued support and reading my story, I’m sorry because I’m just new to writing. I’m not professional. But thank you anyway for voting. Thank you so much.

MADM is done. Thank you. I know a lot of people are angry with Agustina but she and David are still together. See you on my new story. Mahal ko kayo.