MIDNIGHT BALLERINA (THE GREATEST STRIPPER'S SEQUEL)
Dawnvellichor · 25 chapters · 90,883 words
MIDNIGHT BALLERINA PROLOGUE
“She was the kind of daughter who carried both fragility and grace within her, delicate as a glass figurine, yet radiant in her quiet elegance. Beneath those features, she remained alluring, a mystery wrapped in unspoken secrets.”
MIDNIGHT BALLERINA
TABITHA
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to this year’s Ballet Recital, a celebration of grace, discipline, and artistry. Tonight, our dancers will bring to life timeless stories through movement, expressing emotions words cannot capture.”
Isang malalim na buntong hininga ang aking iginawad, kasabay nito ang mabilis na pagtibok ng aking puso.
My freezing hands trembled as it was about to start. Glancing at the audience, my weak heart tends to feeble. Hindi naman ito ang unang beses kong gagawin ito, pero bakit sobra pa ’rin ang aking kaba?
I closed my eyes. Amidst the fear spreading through me, I whispered, “You can do this, Tabi.” I can do this.
“You’re always the greatest, my Tabi.” My mother’s voice echoed in my mind, washing away every trace of doubt and fear within me
I opened my eyes, You’re the greatest Tabitha.
“Each step, each leap, each turn is the result of dedication and passion, and we are honored to share this performance with you.” With a smile, I stepped onto the wide stage, facing hundreds of eyes eagerly waiting to witness my performance.
“The Nutcracker!”
Applause filled the auditorium, students, parents, and guests all waiting. There was no room for failure, not tonight. This recital was mine.
“The stage is mine,” I whispered, and in that moment, like my mother before me, I claimed it.
The music started playing, it was
The Nutcracker, Op 71: Overture.
A surge of happiness bursts within me as all eyes fall on me, the thrill of owning the stage, the rush of attention, the purest form of joy I know.
I love this feeling. I love being admired, cherished, and desired.
This feeling began the first time I saw my mother on stage, that day changed my life. I wanted to be like her. I wanted fame, love, and power. I wanted it all.
Gusto ko ang lahat ng ito, and still, I keep craving for more.
As the recital came to an end and I took my final step, the auditorium erupted with cheers and applause. Hawak kamay, kasama ang aking mga castmate.
We did a splendid job, kitang-kita naman sa reaksyon ng mga audience.
“Woah! Sobrang galing mo, Tabi!!!” Nangibabaw ang boses ng bestfriend kong si Konah sa kabila ng ingay sa loob ng auditorium. Hindi ko napigilang matawa habang nakikita siyang nagtatalon, hawak-hawak ang bouquet ng purple roses.
Sabay-sabay kaming nag-bow ng mga castmates ko bago tuluyang nagsara ang curtain ng stage.
“Splendid, excelencio!!!” malakas na sigaw ng director-slash-coach namin na si Ma’am Victoria. She moves with elegance, speaks with wisdom, and above all, carries an eternal beauty within her.
Isa-isa niyang niyakap ang mga castmates ko, hanggang sa umabot siya sa akin na nakatayo sa pinakadulo.
“My Barbie, the star of the show, you’re shining, iha. I’m so proud of you,” she said, bago inabot ang bouquet ng tulips sa akin at niyakap ng mahigpit. “Thank you coach, I wouldn’t be able to do it without you.” I whispered.
Hinarap niya ako at inayos ang medyo nagulo kong buhok. “You’re a star,” she repeated, then gave my shoulder a gentle tap before turning to face us all.
“Okay, this calls for a celebration!”
“Yes!” nagsigawan ang lahat, pero pansin ko ang masamang tingin na ibinabato sa akin ni Kelly at ang mga alipores nito, they don’t like it. Ayaw nilang pinupuri ako. “Tabi, you’re coming, right?” tanong ni David sa akin, ang gumanap na nutracker sa recital namin.
Again, I glance at those girls before I answer David’s question. “ Ahm, I might not come tonight, my parents are waiting for me at home. Kayo na lang muna.“ ngumiti ako bago naglakad papunta sa dressing room.
“Buti nga hindi siya sasama. Like, as if, masyado na namang diba-diba, star na naman siya ng gabi pag nand’yan siya.”
Bago pa man ako makapasok sa dressing room, sadyang pinarinig nina Kelly ang comment nila tungkol sa sagot ko.
I just rolled my eyes and entered the room—like I’d waste my time on them. Isa pa, may mas importante akong kailangang gawin ngayong gabi.
Facing the mirror, a fleeting smile crossed my lips.
Tonight did not end here. I quickly changed before stepping out of the dressing room. Dumiretso ako sa parking lot, kung saan naghihintay si Konah sa loob ng kanyang pearl white Chery Tiggo.
“Konahrie Valdez!” sambit ko pagpasok sa passenger seat.
“Clouise Tabitha Jimenez!” bati niya pabalik. Nagkatitigan kami sandali bago siya sumigaw at bigla akong niyakap, sabay may kasamang pag-alog.
“Aray ko!” reklamo ko habang natawa.
“Ang galing-galing mo kanina, grabe! Bestfriend kita??? Isa kang totoong manika, alam mo ba? Buong buhay ko, never kong ipagkakaila na mas maganda ka sa akin, kainis! I’m proud of you, tangina!”
I slapped her arm as she started cursing. “Alam mo, ang dami mong pambobolang sinasabi ngayon. Just take me home.”
She finally let go of me and smiled. “Yes, ma’am, as you wish. Pasalamat ka na lang talaga at bestfriend mo ako.” she said before starting the engine. “Ano na lang gagawin ko pag wala ang isang Konahrie sa buhay ko.”
“Buti alam mo!” She said and we laughed.
She drop me off in front of the house gate, pagkababa ko ibinababa niya ang bintana, “Just give me call.” Sambit niya. I winked at her and ran inside the house. Rinig ko ’din ang pag-alis ng sasakyan ni Konah sa tapat ng gate.
I entered the main door, sumalubong sa akin ang aking pinakamamahal na mama. “Tabi baby, ang galing mo anak ko,” sinalubong ako ng matamis na halik sa pisngi, at sinamahan akong maglakad papunta sa kusina kung saan naghihintay si Daddy sa dining area.
“My princess, how was the recital, my love? “ lumapit at niyakap ko ito bago umupo sa tabi niya. The dinner is already serve in front of us, talagang handa na ang hapunan ako na lang talaga ang hinihintay nila.
They both never eat dinner without me, kaya kailangan kong umuwi ng maaga palagi.
“It was a success dad, sayang hindi kayo nakapunta ni mama, pero don’t worry naiintindihan ko po.” I never felt bad when my parents can’t go watch my recital, they never made me feel less. Kaya walang rason para magtampo ako sa kanila dahil lang sa mga ganung bagay.
“My princess,” Dad kissed the back of my palm and looked at my mom. “What did we do to deserve an angel like her,” he whispered and my mother chuckled. “Sa akin kasi nagmana yang anak mo.” She teased him.
Dad just defeatedly shook his head and agreed. We enjoyed our dinner together and I went to my room after to take a shower.
Paglabas ko ng banyo, may kumatok sa aking pinto at unti-unti itong bumukas. “Ma?” It was my mother in her nightgown and robe. “You forget to drink your meds, sweetie.” she said, dala-dala nito ang medication ko at isang bottled water.
Oo nga pala, nakalimutan ko. “Thank you ma, nakalimutan kong mag take kanina, sorry.”
“Tabitha, wag mong kasanayan na nakakalimutan mong inumin ang gamot mo ah, remember what your tito Lynus said, kahit na magaling kana, it’s better if you take good care of yourself. Mahirap na anak.”
Puno ng pag-aalala ang sambit niya. “I know, Ma. Sorry po,” I replied before taking my meds. When I was done, she gently tucked me into bed, just like she always did when I was a child.
“Goodnight Tabi, I’m proud of you,” she whispered and kissed my forehead before she turned off the light, “Goodnight ma,” and closed the door of my room.
“One… two… three… four… five…” I whispered breathlessly, waiting for the noise outside my room to fade, bago ko iminulat ang mga mata ko. Siniguro ko munang nasa kwarto na ang mga magulang ko bago ako dahan-dahang bumangon.
Tumayo ako at maingat na kumilos, doing my best not to make a single sound. Dahan-dahan akong naglakad papunta sa walk-in closet at kinuha ang black leather tote bag na naglalaman ng lahat ng kailangan ko.
Pagbalik ko, marahan kong hinila ang rope na nakatago sa ilalim ng kama, at lumabas papunta sa terrace ng kwarto ko.
I eased myself out through the window, descending on the rope tucked under the mattress, every movement slow and soundless. sinisigurong walang ingay na maririnig sila mama. Nang makalabas, mabilis pero kontrolado ang bawat hakbang ko hanggang sa makarating ako sa likurang gate ng bahay, kung saan naghihintay ang sasakyan ni Konah, nakaparada sa gilid.
“Buti naman, hindi ka late ngayon.” Kumento ko, dahil may record ito na lagi akong nauuna dito sa likod kesa sa kanya.
“Hoy, hindi na ngayon noh, isa pa nandyan lang ako sa malapit, hindi na ako umuwi sa condo ko, ano, tara?” tumango ako bilang sagot, bago inayos ang seatbelt ng passenger seat.
“Siya nga pala, medyo nag viral ka na naman, nakita mo na ba?” kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya. “Huh? Saan?” tanong ko.
Kinuha nito ang cellphone na nakakabit sa phone holder ng sasakyan niya, inabot ito sa akin kung saan nakaflash sa screen ang isang tik tok video ko na kuha mula sa audience, kung saan sa akin lamang ito nakatutok at may caption na, “Real life barbie of Belle University.”
Sinabayan ni Konah ang pagbasa ko, bago ngumisi, “Sobrang famous mo na talaga, isipin mo one hour pa lang pinost yung video, may 589k na heart, 3k na comments 2k saved video and 5k na shares, grabe!!! Pati sa instagram.”
Hindi ko mapigilang mapangisi, hindi ko naman ipagkakaila na gusto ko yung natatanggap kong fame dahil sa pagbaballet ko. I love to be loved.
“Bakit kasi hindi ka na tumanggap ng mga endorsement mula sa mga brands, ang dami namang offers sayo, kesa ginagawa pa natin ito gabi-gabi,” she said.
The smile written in my face faded, “Hindi pwede Konah, alam mong gusto ko itong ginagawa ko.” seryoso kong sambit.
She rolled her eyes and sighs, “Fine, sabi mo eh. Sana lang talaga hindi tayo mahuli ng mga magulang mo, kung hindi yari tayo!”
Hindi ’yan, they won’t find out. They should never know.
“It’s midnight! You know what that means, have your money ready! Tonight, I give you the one and only… our dazzling Midnight Ballerina! “
The music begins to play, “Aquamarine, honey, dive into me.” I let the rhythm seep into my veins, moving in perfect sync with the song before stepping fully onto the stage.
Here, under the blinding lights, I am adored. Desired. Worshipped. Lust itself made flesh. Every gaze clings to me, drawn, helpless. I am power, and no one dares look away.
No one… except him.
That man. Sitting there, deliberately ignoring me.
How dare he? How dare he turn his eyes elsewhere!
DAWNVELLICHOR
10 - 11 - 2025
CHAPTER 1 (WEAK BLOOD) WILL DROPS ON SATURDAY OCTOBER 18, 2025 10:30PM
CHAPTER ONE : WEAK BLOOD
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” -Lao Tzu
TABITHA
WEAK BLOOD
“You’ve been doing well these past few days, your circulation is stable, and your blood flow is responding as expected.” Nakangiting sambit ni Tito Lynus slash my favorite doctor and second dad ko.
“Please continue taking your prescribed medications and daily vitamins as directed. It’s important that you stay hydrated, maintain a balanced diet, and get adequate rest to support your recovery.” Malalim na pagbuntong hininga ang kanyang iginawad at ipinagpatuloy ang kanyang sinasabi.
“Alam mo naman na forever ang recovery para sa sakit na nilampasan mo, avoid physical or emotional stress as much as possible, since these can trigger a crisis.” Para akong bata na pinagsasabihan dito sa harap niya.
Tinitingnan ko ang mga daliri ko at nilalaro ang keychain ng bag. I know this illness isn’t going away, I survived the moments it almost took me, pero mananatili ’to sa akin habang buhay. Which means kailangan kong palaging limitahan ang sarili at iwasan ang ilang bagay.
“Let’s keep monitoring your progress closely, and we’ll adjust your treatment if needed.” He said .
“Tito Lynus naman, wala na po akong treatment na kailangan, diba matagal na akong gumaling? Hindi na ito babalik.” Alam kong kabaligtaran ng realidad ang sinasabi ko, pero gusto ko lang talaga magaanin ang bigat ng mood dito sa loob ng silid.
Kasi tuwing check-up ko, ramdam ko ang takot ni Tito, parang palagi siyang nangangamba na may masamang resulta na lalabas. Lagi silang natatakot na baka bumalik ang sakit ko, kasing lala ng naranasan ko noong bata pa ako.
“Wala talaga. Basta sundin mo lahat ng sinasabi ko, at huwag mong kalilimutan ang pag-inom ng gamot mo,” may bahagyang pagtaas ang tono ng boses niya, pero halatang biro lang, lalo na’t pasimple pa niyang kinurot ang dulo ng ilong ko.
“Hindi ko naman kinakalimutan ah,” depensa ko agad.
“Anong hindi? Panay nga ang sumbong ng mommy mo. Lagi mo raw naiiwan ’yung gamot tuwing pumapasok ka sa school. You little brat.” That made me chuckle. Guilty na kung guilty, kasi naman, ang aga ng call time sa university kahit college na ako.
Naiiwan ko tuloy lagi sa bahay—kakamadali kasi umalis.
“Fine, hindi na po mauulit. Thank you, tito, for the non-stop free check-ups,” I said.
He rolled his eyes and shook his head . “You’re dad owns fifty percent of this hospital, of course libre ka. Anak ka ng nag-iisang Leusam Jimenez.”
I smiled. “And pamangkin ako ng nag-iisang Doctor Lynus Herrera.”
“Sus, nambola ka pa. By the way, here. “
Kinuha niya ang isang black paper bag mula sa ilalim ng table—may puting staple flower sa gitna at kilalang logo na agad kong nakilala.
“I almost forgot, ipinapabigay ni Seah sa’yo. She just got back from her short trip to Thailand.”
Alam ko na agad kung ano iyon. “Nooo!!! “ Nagningning ang mga mata ko, halos tumatalon na ako sa harap ng table ni tito. Inabot niya sa akin ang Chanel paper bag, sabay ngiting inilagay ang mga kamay niya sa bulsa.
“Open it ,” he said.
Hindi na ako nag-aksaya ng oras. Agad kong binuksan iyon sa ibabaw ng table niya.
“Kailangan kong kuhanan ng video, for Seah.” sabi ni tito, sabay tutok ng phone camera sa akin habang dahan-dahan kong ina-unbox ang bigay ni tita Seah.
Para talaga akong batang binigyan ng candy habang binabasa ko kung anong klaseng sandal ang pinili ni tita Seah para sa akin. I’ve been eyeing these heels ever since inilabas ito.
Ayaw ko talagang ipabili ito kay Daddy, nahihiya ako. I mean, this isn’t a need, it’s just a want. Kaya ayaw kong iprioritize o hingin pa sa kanya. Kilala ko si Dad, isang sabi ko lang, siguradong bibilhin niya pa lahat ng colors nito.
Pero I can’t be that careless when it comes to my parents’ money. Mas mahalaga na magamit nila iyon sa mas makabuluhang bagay, tulad ng charities at pagtulong sa mga taong mas nangangailangan.
“Nagustuhan mo ba?” nakangiting tanong ni Tito sa akin.
“Yes, yes! Thank you so much, Tita Seah! You and Tita Erille are the best titas in the world!” sagot ko sa harap ng camera, halos hindi mapigilan ang kilig. Iba talaga ang tuwa ko tuwing nireregaluhan ako ng heels.
Pretty heels are my guilty obsession.
“I must take a picture of this!” Agad kong kinuha ang phone ko mula sa pink purse ko, kinunan ng photo ang bagong heels, at agad na pinost sa IG stories. “I’ll just tag Tita Seah. Tito, thank you ulit!”
“You’re welcome! Oh siya, di ba may family dinner kayo ngayon?” sabi ni Tito.
Bigla kong naalala, oo nga pala, may family dinner kami! Sa sobrang kilig ko sa heels, tuluyan ko itong niyakap. Lumapit ako kay Tito para magpasalamat bago maingat na ibalik ang heels sa kahon.
“I’ll go ahead, Tito. Pakisabi na lang kay Tita na sobra akong thankful sa heels. Kilalang-kilala niya talaga ako—she’s the best! Bye, Tito!!!”
Tinahak ko ang daan palabas ng opisina ni Tito Lynus, dala ang ngiti at kilig sa regalo.
Dumiretso ako sa parking lot kung saan naghihintay si Kuya Doddie, isa sa mga driver ni Daddy.
“Ma’am, medyo natagalan ho ata kayo sa loob. Kumusta po ang check-up?” bungad niya pagkapasok ko sa sasakyan.
Inilagay ko ang paper bag sa backseat bago sumagot. “Ok naman, Kuya Doddie. My weak blood is circulating well. Natagalan lang ako kasi binigyan ako ni Tita Seah ng new heels.”
Napangiti si Kuya Doddie. “Naku, Ma’am, pang-ilang heels niyo na po ’yan ngayong buwan? Kakabili niyo lang nung isa last week, ’di ba?”
“Shhh, wag ka na lang maingay kay Daddy,” bulong ko, sabay kindat. Umiling-iling lang si Kuya Doddie pero sumang-ayon, at pinamaneho na ako papunta sa favorite restaurant ng parents ko.
“Look, ang dami na agad heart reacts sa IG story ko,” sabi ko habang tinitingnan ang phone ko—sakto namang nag-reply si Konah sa story ko.
Huminga ako ng malalim. Hindi ko maiwasang maawa kay Konah. I mean, she’s not poor or anything—she’s living the city girl life to the fullest. Pero dahil nagtatrabaho sa abroad ang mga magulang niya, lagi siyang mag-isa.
Living alone is sad.
“Nandito na tayo, Ma’am. Idodrop ko na lang po kayo dito, tapos babalik na ako sa bahay,” sabi ni Kuya Doddie.
Tumango ako. “Thank you, Kuya Doddie. Pakibigay na lang kay Ate Mimi yung paper bag sa likod—pakiakyat na lang sa kwarto ko.”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
Pagkababa ko ng sasakyan, inayos ko muna ang damit ko bago maglakad papasok sa restaurant.
“Any reservation, Ma’am?” tanong ng receptionist.
“Jimenez.”
“Okay, Ma’am. This way please, VIP,” sagot niya.
Tahimik ko siyang sinundan papunta sa dulong silid ng restaurant. Pagdating sa pinto, binuksan niya ito para sa akin.
“Enjoy your dinner, Ma’am,” sabi niya bago ako tuluyang pumasok.
“Mama,” bati ko nang maabutan kong nagbabasa siya ng menu sa loob. Nilapitan ko siya at hinalikan sa pisngi. “Where’s Dad?” tanong ko.
“He’s just talking to someone outside. Upo ka na. Kamusta ang check-up mo? Sorry, hindi kita nasamahan. I tried to reschedule the photoshoot, kaso magiging sobrang hectic na if we move it.”
“No worries, Ma. Si Tito Lynus naman ’yun. And monthly ko naman ginagawa ’yung check-ups, kaya ko na pong pumunta mag-isa.”
Hinaplos niya ang kaliwang pisngi ko at ngumiti. “My sweet Tabitha… thank you for being responsible, anak. But please, don’t forget to bring your meds, okay?”
“Promise, hindi na po,” sagot ko.
Biglang bumukas ang pinto at pumasok si Daddy. Napasinghap si Mama nang makita siyang may dalang malaking bouquet ng carnation flowers.
“Para saan ito?” tanong ni Mama habang inaabot ang bulaklak mula kay Daddy.
“Just because,” sagot ni Daddy, sabay halik kay Mama, mabagal, banayad, at punong-puno ng lambing.
Napangiti ako. Parang nanonood ako ng isang feel-good romance movie tuwing ipinapakita ng parents ko kung gaano nila kamahal ang isa’t isa.
Si Daddy ang best husband in the world. Wala akong natandaang pagkakataon na nagalit siya kay Mama. Lagi siyang kalmado, maunawain, at sobrang gentle sa kanya, parang laging may effort to love her in all the little ways.
My dad isn’t just my hero, he’s my standard.
“Ehem, hindi pa tayo kumakain, may dessert na agad. Sobrang sweet niyo,” biro ko sa kanilang dalawa, na agad namang ikinatawa nila.
Umupo si Dad sa tabi ni Mama, kaharap ko, at ngumiti.
“How’s my princess? Kumusta ang check-up? Tumawag si Lynus,” tanong niya.
“Well, my blood circulation is doing well,” sagot ko, sabay dagdag, “and I promise, I’ll never forget to bring my meds na po.” Inunahan ko na siya, dahil alam kong ’yun talaga ang unang isisingit niya.
“Good,” he said with a proud smile.
Nagpatuloy ang gabi sa isang masarap at tahimik na family dinner. Pinag-usapan namin ang mga future trips na nakaplano at ilan sa mga paparating kong recitals. Simple lang, pero punô ng kwento at halakhak, just a sweet, normal family dinner.
“Hello, babe.”
I couldn’t even stop myself from smiling so widely the moment his face appeared on the screen.
“Miss me?”
“I almost died missing you,” sabi niya, may kasamang pa-acting na nanghihina. Napatawa ako at gumulong sa kama.
“How was the family dinner?” tanong niya mula sa kabilang linya.
Habang nagsasalita, pinupunasan niya ang basang buhok gamit ang towel na nakasabit sa leeg, halatang kakatapos lang maligo.
“It was good. Normal routine, sweet parents, good food. How about you? Kamusta ang training niyo? Kakauwi mo lang?”
“Yup. We went hard today. Malapit na ang finals, kaya medyo mahigpit na si coach sa amin. I’m so tired. I miss you. Kailangan ko ng love mo,” sabi niya, nagpapacute pa.
Napasingkit ako ng mata sabay ngiti.
“You have my love already, diba?”
He charmingly winked at me through the screen. “Ang tagal ng oras. Gusto na kita makasama ulit. Bakit ba kasi may ‘weekends’ pa?”
“Ang O.A. mo. Matutulog ka na lang naman tonight, tapos bukas magkikita na ulit tayo,” sabi ko, natatawa.
“I miss you so much,” he said, a little softer this time.
“I miss you too. Oh, sige na—I’ll change na. See you tomorrow.”
“Babe, about the party tomorrow—sasama ka ba?” pahabol niya.
Oo nga pala, may party nga siyang nabanggit. Pero club party ’yon, siguradong hindi papayag si Mama. They never want me stepping inside any bars or clubs here in Manila.
“Babe, please come. I need you there,” nagmamakaawa siya, with those cute eyes that always get me.
“Fine. Magpa-paalam ako kina Mama bukas ng umaga. I’ll be there. Goodnight na, I love you.”
“I love you more than words could ever express,” sagot niya, sabay send ng heart finger emoji sa screen.
“Haha, sige na, bye,” sabi ko, at pinutol ang tawag.
“Ayan, nagkakalimutan tayo na naman, ha. Let me guess, tinawagan mo muna si Henry bago ako tinawagan,” biro ni Konah, halatang guilty ako dahil hindi ako nakasagot agad.
“See? Sabi ko na eh! Talagang mas mahal mo na si Henry kesa sa akin, na bestfriend mo pa since childhood!”
“Ang arte mo, Konahrie Valdez. Anyways, bukas samahan mo kami ni Henry. Club party daw,” sabi ko, medyo nanlaki ang mga mata niya sa screen.
“Club party? Bakit, papayagan ka ba ni Tita Louen?!”
Pinisil ko ang labi ko bago sumagot, “Hindi.”
“Oh, hindi naman pala eh. Kung maka-aya, akala mo makakasama siy—”
“Magpapaalam na ako na house party lang ’yan. Wag ka na lang maingay kay Mama.”
“Ano!!! Baliw ka ba? Yari tayo pag nahuli!”
“Hindi ’yan akong bahala. They won’t know.”
“Nako, Tabitha Jimenez, pagtayo, nayari d’yan sa pinaplano mo. Siguradong isusumbong ako ni Tita Louen kay Mommy. Baka putulin nila ang credit card ko!!!”
“Hindi nga sabi ko eh. Basta, sakyan mo na lang ako bukas, ha.”
“Fine. Basta ikaw bahala sa akin,” tumango ako bilang sagot. “Anyways, here—check mo ’tong heels na binigay sa akin. Sobrang ganda!!!”
“Tingin!”
“Ma, I’m off to school! Bye!!!” sigaw ko habang tumatakbo palabas ng bahay.
“Tabi, your medicine?” tawag ni Mama.
“Here it is na po. Bye, Ma! See you later!” I waved goodbye before getting into the car.
“Good morning, Kuya Doddie,” bati ko.
“Good morning, Ma’am Tabi,” sagot niya habang minamaneho ako papunta sa campus.
Pagdating sa school, sumalubong sa akin ang napakagwapo kong boyfriend.
“Babe!” sigaw ko.
He’s in uniform today, still carrying his training duffle bag like it’s no big deal. But Henry, in his med tech uniform, is on a whole other level of handsomeness, totally my dream man.
He reminds me so much of my dad, perfect, handsome, charming, and smart. A total catch.
Every time I look at him, and realize he’s my boyfriend, my heart swells with a kind of happiness I can’t even describe. And the thought that someday, he’ll be the father of my children? It feels like a beautiful dream I never want to wake up from.
I can already imagine how stunning our kids would be, like a perfect blend of his charm and my own. Just thinking about it makes me smile endlessly.
“Morning,” I gently whispered, wrapping my arms around him in a warm hug.
“Did Tita let you go to the party tonight?” biglang nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Shit, shit, shit. Nakalimutan ko na pala! Bakit ba kasi late ka pa rin nagising, Tabitha?
“Babe?” lumayo siya ng bahagya para magkatapat kami. Shit. “Ahm, yes, pumayag si Mommy. We’ll be there together,” I lied.
“Yes! Thank you, I really need you to be there.” Niyakap niya ako at binuhat sa tuwa, unaware na nagsisinungaling ako nang todo. Shit, if Mama finds out I’m going to a club tonight, she’d kill me.
Bahala na.
“I’ll be there,” sagot ko, at sabay kaming naglakad papasok sa main campus.
Inihatid ako ni Henry sa first class ko, pero habang nagdidiscuss sa klase, distracted ang utak ko, paano ko ba sasabihin kay Mama ’to through the phone?
Diba nga, Tabi, house party na lang ang ipapaalam mo, I told myself. Oo nga, pero paano? Kinakabahan ako, hindi ako sanay magsinungaling sa parents, lalo na kay Mama.
Pero para kay Henry naman ’to. At hindi rin naman ako pababayaan ni Henry at Konah doon. “Bahala na talaga, Tabi,” sambit ko sa sarili.
Bigla akong natauhan nang tawagin ng prof ang apelyido ko. “What is it, Ms. Jimenez?”
“Sir?” sagot ko, nagulat.
“Talking to yourself? My subject really that hard? Parang nabaliw ka na at ngayon nakikipag-usap ka na sa sarili mo.”
Shit. Bakit ba yung terror na prof pa namin ang first class ko today?
“Sorry po,” mahina kong sagot, sabay pasimpleng pagyuko dahil nakakahiya.
“Focus, class!” tinaas niya ang boses bago bumalik sa lecture.
“Hello, Tabi, may problema ba? Are you not feeling well? Yung gamot mo—”
Kinakabahan na agad siya, kaya pinuputol ko agad.
“Ma, okay lang po ako. Tawag lang po ako para ipaalam na may pupuntahan akong… ahm… house party mamaya kasama si Konah at Henry.”
Hindi pa alam ng parents ko na kami ni Henry ay nagda-date na. Gusto ko sana pagkatapos ng college ko pa ito sasabihin.
“House party? Kaninong bahay?”
“Ahm, sa friend ni Henry, Ma. Don’t worry, kasama ko si Konahrie, at uuwi kami agad bago mag-ten. Promise!”
Halatang guilty ako, sana hindi mahalata ni Mama. Nag-pause siya ng ilang segundo bago sumagot.
“Fine, pero huwag mong kakalimutang inumin ang gamot mo ngayong dinner. Kumain kayo ni Konahrie kahit gaano ka-overwhelm sa house party, ha? At isa pa, no alcohol, Tabitha.”
“Yes! Thank you, Ma.”
“Okay, tawagan mo ako later, at magpasundo ka kay Donito.”
Tumango ako sa sarili, halos hindi mawala ang malaking ngiti sa labi ko.
“Yes, Ma. Thank you! I love you. You’re the best.”
“Sus, nambola ka pa, ako lang naman ang Mama mo.”
“I love you!”
At saka ko pinutol ang tawag.
I stepped out of the cubicle, a smile spreading across my face as I headed straight to the college building where Konahrie was. I caught up to her walking down the hallway.
“Konahrie Valdez,” I called, flashing her a playful smile.
She raised an eyebrow and approached me with a teasing grin. “Clouise Tabitha Jimenez, bakit ka nandito? Tingin mo, nababaliw na naman yung mga kalalakihan dito sa building namin kasi sayo.”
I glanced around, and sure enough, a few guys were sneaking glances our way.
“Bakit ka nandito?” she asked again.
“Pinayagan ako ni Mama, so we’re going to the party tonight,” I said, trying to sound casual.
“Let me correct you, pinayagan ka ng Mama mo sa house party, hindi sa club part—–hmmff!” she started, but before she could finish, I quickly covered her mouth.
“Hindi tayo mahuhuli kung hindi ka madaldal. Kaya, sip your mouth,” I warned, smirking.
“Oo na,” she rolled her eyes. “Sa condo na tayo magbihis.”
“Woah! First time in history, umattend ang isang Henry Abad sa party!” bungad ni Seth, isa sa mga teammate ni Henry sa basketball. “Nananaginip ba ako? And look, the ballet princess is with our team captain! This really calls for a celebration. Hindi lang birthday ni Toby ang ice-celebrate ngayong gabi!”
I smiled politely. I knew Seth—he’s not just on the basketball team, he’s also a well-known model in our school.
“Nice to see you again, Seth,” bati ko. Nakipagbeso siya sa akin, sabay fist bump kay Henry. Nagkatinginan kami ni Konahrie na nakatayo lang sa tabi ko.
“Pogi ’yan ah, pakilala mo ako mamaya,” bulong niya sa akin.
“May girlfriend na daw ’yan,” sagot ko.
She made a face, obviously unimpressed. “No. Sa in a relationship, hindi para maging kabit ang ganda ko.”
Napatawa ako sa sagot ni Konah. Classic.
“Let’s go inside,” sabi ni Seth, sabay hila sa amin papasok sa club.
Henry held my hand tightly, habang hawak ko naman sa kabilang kamay ko si Konah.
Sobrang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko habang papalapit kami sa entrance. Rinig na rinig ko na mula sa labas ang nakakabinging bass ng music na nanggagaling sa loob, parang tumatama na ito diretso sa dibdib ko.
What is this feeling? Parang biglang bumaligtad ang sikmura ko, and my heart feels… uneasy.
Ano itong nararamdaman ko?
The doors opened, and we were greeted by tall men in all black. Nakalagay sa suot nilang shirt: Bouncer . Binati nila si Seth at pinapasok lang kami, just like that.
What? Hindi man lang ba nila kami sisitahin?
I’m still only 17. And Henry just turned 19.
“Wag kayong mag-alala,” sabi ni Seth, napansin yata ang kaba sa mga mukha namin. “Kapatid ko ang may-ari ng place na ’to. We’re totally safe. Hindi tayo mahuhuli.”
I just nodded, but inside, I was still holding my breath.
As we stepped inside, my eyes immediately roamed the space. My lips parted, slowly getting mesmerized by the lights, the pulsing music, the modern interiors, and the sea of people moving with the beat.
It was overwhelming. Chaotic. Loud.
But strangely… beautiful.
Ako kasi ’yung tipo ng tao na laging kalmado, tahimik ang mundo, at malayo sa ganitong klaseng energy. I never really liked crowded rooms. And my whole aura? It never screamed rowdiness.
Yet here I was.
There were poles—actual poles—surrounded by round red leather chairs. People were getting drunk, laughing too loud, dancing like there was no tomorrow. Some already looked wasted, but they all seemed to be enjoying life with no care in the world.
What is this kind of place?
I’ve never seen anything like this in my entire life… yet somehow, it feels oddly familiar. Like a memory I never lived.
I couldn’t explain the feeling. Hindi ko maintindihan.
“Bro, we have to make it fast. The surprise for Toby is about to start,” madaliang sabi ni Seth. Agad niya kaming hinila papasok sa isang malaking itim na pinto na may nakasulat na VIP .
My heart started racing again.
What is this? Why am I… excited?
It felt like nervous energy, but there was something else, an unfamiliar thrill crawling under my skin.
Pagkapasok namin, I was surprised by how spacious it was. The interior echoed the outside, dim lights, loud music, another pole in the center, red leather couches lining the walls. The atmosphere was electric, almost intoxicating.
Nandoon na ang ibang teammates ni Henry. They greeted us with nods and raised glasses.
I looked up at Henry. I know him. He’s not into this kind of party, never was. He hated noise, hated the superficial thrill.
But this wasn’t just any party. This was for Toby, and Toby was leaving the team.
Henry had no choice tonight. And maybe… that’s why he needed me here. To be his calm in the chaos.
“May single ba dito?” agaw-atensyon na tanong ni Konah, making me snap out of my thoughts. “Baliw, diba nga sabi mo hindi ka para maging kabit ngayong gabi? Taken lahat ng nandito,” I teased.
She rolled her eyes dramatically and crossed her arms. “Boring,” she muttered.
“Have a seat, babe,” bulong ni Henry sa akin, guiding us to an open spot on the couch. Umupo kami ni Konah habang si Henry naman ay nakipagkamay sa mga teammates niya, then walked over to Toby.
“Bro, this means a lot to me,” ani Toby habang nakipagyakap kay Henry. “Kailangan ko pa palang umalis sa team para lang dumalo ka sa isa sa mga party ko.”
Henry chuckled and shook his head. “You know me, not my thing. But for you—exception.”
Then Toby turned to us. “Hi, Tabitha. Glad you’re here. And of course, Ms. Konahrie.”
“Happy birthday and bon voyage, Toby!” nauna agad si Konah, all smiles.
I smiled politely and leaned in to greet him with a beso.
“Thank you, thank you! Guys, please enjoy the nig—” Hindi na niya natapos ang sasabihin nang biglang namatay ang main lights sa room. Tanging pulang ilaw mula sa lining ng mini-stage ang naiwan, casting a sultry glow across the room.
“Bro, tama na ang dada. It’s time to enjoy our surprise!” sigaw ni Seth, halos hindi marinig sa lakas ng hiyawan ng mga lalaki. “Pasintabi sa mga girlfriends, don’t worry—lahat ’to para kay Toby lang!”
Nagpalakpakan ang mga teammates habang hinila ni Seth si Toby sa gitna, sa harap ng mini-stage na may pole.
Henry sat beside me and leaned in. “Here, try this, babe,” he whispered gently, offering me a bite of pica-pica. I smiled a little and took it. He passed some to Konahrie, too, and we started nibbling while waiting, somehow pretending like we knew what we were waiting for.
“Please welcome our sizzling surprise for our Toby boy!!!” sigaw ni Seth. Nagcheer ang buong grupo, at may ilan pang umalog-alo kay Toby na parang binibinyagan.
Biglang bumulaga ang malakas na beat ng music wild, bass-heavy, intoxicating.
My eyes roamed the room, and what I saw made my chest tighten.
Almost everyone had tuned out Toby and Seth. Couples were starting to make out in corners, some weren’t even trying to be subtle. The heat in the room shifted, from fun and playful to something a little heavier, darker.
My grip on the glass I was holding tightened.
My lips parted in surprise as a woman in sultry lingerie and impossibly high, stunning heels stepped onto the mini stage. The lights caught the shine of her skin and the curve of her silhouette as she confidently gripped the pole and began to dance.
Toby immediately turned bright red when she moved closer, her body teasing every beat of the music, deliberately emphasizing the most sensitive parts of her figure.
The room erupted in cheers. And when she straddled Toby’s lap, her face still hidden beneath a sleek black mask, the boys lost it, laughing, howling, cheering him on like it was the best gift of his life.
I should’ve looked away.I should’ve been offended. I should’ve been watching Henry, observing his reaction, checking if he was enjoying the view. But I wasn’t.
I was watching her.
I felt something flutter deep in my stomach, not quite jealousy, not admiration either. Just… something. Something I couldn’t name.
All eyes were on her. Everyone admired every inch of her, the way she moved, the confidence she wore like perfume.She was beautifully wrong.
A walking sin painted in red lights and lace. And yet, here I was, eyes locked in, lips parted, completely drawn. Why wasn’t I repulsed?
Why wasn’t I mad? Why wasn’t I looking away?
Instead, I found myself wondering… What does it feel like to be her?
To dance on that stage?
To hold the room like that?
To be that powerful, that free?
I should’ve been uncomfortable… But I wasn’t.
And that scared me more than anything.
“Putek, p*rn pala ang mawiwitness ko sa club party. Makainom na nga lang,” Konahrie said, and when I glanced at her, natungga niya na ang isang baso ng tequila.
“Konah, no drinking!” sita ko agad.
“Opss, sorry, hehe.” Shit, mukhang tinamaan na siya agad. Yari.
“Henry, I think we should go,” I whispered to my boyfriend.
Henry wasn’t even looking at the stage, his eyes were on me the whole time.
“Sure,” diretso niyang sagot. Agad siyang tumayo at inalalayan si Konah palabas ng VIP room. The people inside were so busy, they didn’t even notice us leaving in an instant.
“Sorry, babe. Hindi ko alam na may ganun silang pakana,” sambit ni Henry.
“No, it’s okay. Ako nga dapat ang mag-sorry, wala pa tayong ilang minuto doon nag-aya na agad ako umalis. Sorry, kasi si Konah eh… uminom. We shouldn’t be drinking,” I said.
“No, I understand. Let’s just get her home.”
Konahrie’s body treats liquor like poison. Isang inom pa lang niya, lasing na agad, like right now, she almost passed out.
Binuhat ni Henry si Konahrie at isinakay sa sasakyan niya, bago namin siya inihatid pauwi sa condo niya.
Upon arriving, I put her in bed, and then Henry drove me home.
“Babe, just drop me off at the back gate, okay? Baka makita ni Mama yung sasakyan pag sa harap tayo tumigil.”
“No problem, babe,” he whispered, reaching for my hand and kissing the back of my palm. I smiled at him. Tumigil kami sa gilid ng back gate.
“Thank you, babe. Sorry ulit, you should be there enjoying with your teammates,” I said.
“No, it’s okay, babe. Ayaw ko rin naman mag-stay doon.”
Lumapit ako para halikan siya sa pisngi, pero nagulat ako nang bigla siyang humarap. I accidentally kissed him on the lips.
“Oops,” I said, a bit flustered. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mea—hmf!” He suddenly chased my lips and kissed me again. I was shocked, but I kissed him back.
Slowly, my hand moved up to his shoulder and around his neck. It’s just making out, right? Ok lang naman ’to.
But I froze when I felt his hand slowly creeping under my shirt. This isn’t right. I’m not ready.
He deepened the kiss, but I caught his hand before it could reach my chest.
“Babe…” I breathed out, trying to catch my breath.
“Can we just do it?” he asked, almost out of it, as he tried to kiss me again.
That made me pull back and look at him.
“We can’t… not yet, babe,” I whispered breathlessly.
That sudden moment felt like a slap, parang natauhan siya bigla, as if he snapped back to reality. He even moved away from me.
“I’m sorry, I blacked out… I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry, babe. I won’t do it again. I swear, I’m not rushing you. I’m sorry… that wasn’t me, I wasn’t in the right state of mind. Fuck, I’m sor—”
I cut him off with a soft kiss on the lips. “I understand, babe. It’s okay,” I said gently. “I’ll go now. Goodnight. Love you.”
I rubbed his cheek with my thumb before stepping out of the car.
Nakangiti ako, pero ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko, sobrang kaba.
I went inside the gate and closed it behind me, then leaned on the back of it. I placed my hand over my chest, trying to steady my heartbeat.
That was close.
Pagpasok ko sa bahay, naabutan ko si Mama na nagbabasa sa living room.
“Tabi? You’re here earlier than I expected. Akala ko 10 PM?” tanong niya.
“The party ended early, Ma,” I said casually, leaning down to kiss her forehead.
“Si Daddy?” tanong ko.
“Still in a business meeting. I’m waiting for him. You can rest in your room,” she replied.
I nodded and headed straight to my room. I changed clothes and took a quick shower before jumping into bed. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero automatic na binuksan ko ang Instagram ni Seth. I tapped on his story.
There it was, one of the performances earlier. A girl dancing in lingerie.
I stared.
Why am I so fixated on this? Hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili ko.
Maybe I just need to sleep.
“Itulog mo na lang, Tabi,” I whispered to myself, moving my phone aside. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep.
This is nothing. I just need sleep.
This is nothing… right?
“Let’s all welcome our sizzling, alluring, sexy Tabitha!!!”
Huh? Ako? Sexy? Ano ito? Nasaan ako? Is this my recital?
Tiningnan ko ang suot kong ballet dress at ballet heels—wait, ballet heels? Nasaan yung ballet shoes ko? Why am I wearing heels? How am I supposed to dance with th—
Suddenly, the curtain in front of me parted.
My heart started racing the moment I stepped onto the mini-stage. There was a pole right in the middle.
Hindi ito ang recital ko. The audience was mostly boys, men, and middle-aged guys. All of them were staring at me intensely.
Parang kaya nila akong kainin sa mga tingin nila. Someone pushed me forward, and the music suddenly blasted through the speakers.
“Dance for us, lovely,” the guys cheered.
Ako? Sasayaw sa harap nila? Ano ito?!
This is crazy!
Suddenly, it started raining money from above, and all of it was for me?! “You’re our Midnight Ballerina,” someone whispered in my ear.
When I tried to look at him, he pushed me off the stage.
“Ahhh!”
I stumbled backward, gasping for breath.
What? It was a dream.
“Midnight Ballerina,” I whispered weakly.
What is this feeling?
I want it.
DAWNVELLICHOR
10 - 21 - 2025
CHAPTER 2 (WANT IT) WILL DROPS ON SATURDAY OCTOBER 25, 2025 09:30PM
CHAPTER TWO : WANT IT
“Courage comes by being brave; fear comes by holding back.” -Publilius Syrus
TABITHA
WANT IT
“You’re doing good, Tabitha. You should really take this Pilates class seriously,” my coach, Sarah, said as she guided me through the spine stretch forward.
It was a Wednesday, and since I didn’t have classes today, I decided to drop by my Pilates session. Kahit sobrang bihira lang akong makadalo, lagi kasi akong abala sa recital practice.
“Malabo ho ’yan, Coach,” I replied with a small laugh. “Sinisingit ko lang ito sa schedule ko ngayon. May practice pa ako mamaya for our upcoming recital.”
She gave me a playful look. “Bakit ba kasi ang busy-busy mo? Anyway, mukha namang di mo talaga kailangan ng Pilates. You already have such a fit and well-shaped body, as if pang-Calvin Klein underwear photoshoot. Bakit hindi ka na lang tumanggap ng modeling project, gaya ng mama mo?”
I shook my head politely while holding the stretch. “Hindi ko ho ata forte ang modeling.”
“Sus, sobrang humble naman,” she teased. “Oh, basta ha, don’t forget to post an IG story here in the studio and tag our page. Last time kasi na nag-story ka, ang daming taga-Belle University ang nag-enroll.”
“Sure po, no problem,” I answered with a smile.
After class, I headed to the changing room, slipped into my clothes, and stood before the big wall mirror, snapping a few pictures before leaving.
I was wearing a sleek, fitted black bodysuit, also called a unitard with thin spaghetti straps. To cover my arms and shoulders, I slipped on a pair of long pink arm sleeves. I carried my black duffel bag for the mirror selfie, topped off with a pink headband to keep my bangs off my forehead this time.
I posted the picture to my IG story before stepping out of the changing room, said goodbye to Coach Sarah, and headed straight to campus for our recital practice.
Walking across the campus, I couldn’t help but hope I’d land the main role. People kept throwing glances my way, something I’ve grown used to, though at times it still makes me feel a little shy.
Out of habit, I checked the story I’d just posted and couldn’t hold back a bright smile. Hearts were flooding in, along with comments asking about the location of my Pilates studio.
Maybe it’s about time I start charging Coach a commission, after all, they’re getting more clients because of me. Joke lang, of course I won’t do that. I’m honestly happy that I get to help them out.
Pero naisip ko rin, maybe I should start accepting some jobs soon. At least that way, magkakapambili na talaga ako ng mga bagong heels to add to my growing collection.
Napangiti ako habang iniisip iyon, at hindi ko namalayang nasa harap na pala ako ng Ballet Club studio dito sa campus. Hindi ko rin nasabi kay Henry na pupunta ako ngayon, alam ko kasi may pasok siya. Maybe I’ll just surprise him later.
Pumasok ako sa loob at agad binati ang mga kasama ko sa Ballet Club.
“Good afternoon po,” magalang kong bati.
Agad naman akong sinalubong ng mga ngiti at pagbati ng iba, pero may isang grupo na halatang hindi natuwa sa presensya ko.
At the center of that group was Kelly Thompson, one of my batchmates in ballet. Ever since high school, she’s been my fiercest competitor for the lead roles in every recital.
Binalewala ko ang mga irap na ibinabato nila at lumapit kay David.
“David, nandito na ba si Coach?” tanong ko.
“Wala pa,” sagot niya.
Tumango ako at nagsimulang itali ang buhok ko sa ponytail. Habang may oras pa, nag-stretching na rin ako.
“May narinig ako sa admin,” bulong ni David, sabay tusok-tusok ng daliri niya sa tagiliran ko. “Ngayon daw ia-announce ni Coach Victoria ang mga roles. Excited ka na ba? Ikaw na ang gaganap na Clara, our Sugarplum Princess, for sure.”
“Shh! Huwag kang maingay,” pasimpleng sita ko sa kanya. “Baka may makarinig, sabihin pa assuming tayo.”
Sinamahan niya akong mag-stretching, may nakakalokong ngiti sa labi. “Eh bakit dedma sa mga bashers,” dinig na dinig ng grupo ni Kelly ang sinadya niyang patama.
“Are you talking about us?!” singhal ng isa sa mga alipores ni Kelly, ang boses niya nakakairita at maarte. T.H. (Tamang hinala) naman pala sila.
“Hindi ’no. Bakit, tinamaan ka ba?” sagot ni David, walang kaabog-abog.
“You ugly gay bitc—” hindi pa man siya natatapos, dumating na si Coach Victoria. Agad kaming lahat ay napatayo nang tuwid at pumila sa harap niya.
“Chop-chop, Fais attention! (Pay Attention).” she clap her head and lean on the railings in the mirror as she look at us, holding a folder that has a written word says ‘Nutcracker’s Roles’
It seems like, tama nga ang narinig ni David sa admin, nagkatinginan kami bago muling nafocus kay coach Victoria. “Belle University is the best Ballet Recital in the country, the only university that highlights Ballet and now we’re once again given an opportunity to showcase your recitals.”
I want the main role. I want it. Please… give it to me.
“Few months ago, we began preparing for The Nutcracker. Lahat kayo alam ang mga performance ng bawat role,” Coach Victoria began, her voice steady and formal. “I chose not to reveal them earlier because I wanted to announce them closer to the recital date. And today… is that day. Are you ready?”
We all nodded in unison, the studio thick with anticipation.
“For our Nutcracker—David, you got it, miho,” she said warmly, leading the applause.
David’s eyes lit up. We glanced at each other, and I reached over to tap his arm, smiling. You got it, I mouthed.
Thank you, he mouthed back with a playful flying kiss.
Coach continued. “For our rats and the main rival, the Mouse King—Denbert, Roby, Cooper.”
One by one, names were called, roles assigned. The excitement grew louder with each announcement, but my heart beat faster for a different reason.
Until finally, it was down to the two of us. Kelly and me. The stage always narrows to this. The same two names. The same tension.
It always ends up like this.
“Our Sugarplum Princess… and Clara will be…”
Mahigpit kong kinurot ang kaliwang daliri ko habang hinihintay ang kasunod na salita ni Coach, kaba ang bumabalot sa buong katawan ko.
“It’s me,” bulong ni Kelly mula sa likuran, puno ng kumpiyansa.
Please. Please. Please. I want it. I shut my eyes tight, praying, waiting for the name to drop.
“Our… Midnight Ballerina.”
Agad kong iminulat ang aking mga mata. What? That word again? Midnight Ballerina? The phrase echoed in my head like a bell. Focus, Tabi. Makinig ka. Coach is still announcing the roles—
But before I could gather myself, a sudden eruption of cheers filled the studio. Everyone was clapping, shouting, even David was jumping up and down with joy.
I froze, staring blankly at them. Huh? Who got the role?
Somehow, in the whirlwind of noise, I hadn’t even heard the most important name.
Ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko. What is happening to me?
“You got it, girl!” David shouted, pulling me into a tight hug before lifting me off the ground in his excitement.
I… got it? My breath caught. “You mean… I got the role? Clara? I’m Clara?” Hindi makapaniwalang tanong ko, halos nanginginig ang boses ko.
Coach Victoria met my eyes, her expression calm yet warm. She nodded with grace, a small smile on her lips. “Congratulations, Jimenez. You’re the star of this year’s recital.”
For a moment, the world stilled. Then the truth sank in.
I can’t believe it. I’m Clara. I’m the Sugarplum Princess.
And just like that, I had beaten Kelly. Again.
“Clouise Tabitha Jimenez!” Natigilan ako nang marinig ang boses ni Konahrie mula sa di kalayuan, habang palabas kami ng Ballet Studio.
“David, see you tomorrow,” paalam ko habang kinukuha ang gamit ko. Kumaway siya pabalik, bago tuluyang lumabas ng studio.
Pagharap ko, naroon si Konah, naghihintay.
“I got it!” ngumiti ako at sinalubong siya, “Oh my gosh, talaga! Yes!” Sabay kaming nagtatalon—magkahawak kamay—habang paulit-ulit niyang sinasabi, “You’re the best talaga. Alam ko naman makukuha mo ’yun. Ikaw ang pinakamagaling na Sugarplum Princess, I know that.”
Sabik na sabik akong ibabalita kay Mama at Daddy, lalo na kay Henry. Lumakad kami papunta sa bench at umupo. Tinitingnan niya ako nang may kutob . “Bakit parang hindi to the fullest ang saya mo?” tanong niya.
“Huh? Hindi ah, masaya ako, noh.” paliwanag ko, pero hindi ako makahinga nang maluwag.
“Wehh, kilala kita, kapag sobrang saya ka, nagniningning ang mga mata mo. Hindi ka 100% happy. Bakit?” sabi niya, seryoso na.
Huminga ako nang malalim at sinilip ang sarili ko sa katahimikan. Bigla kong narealize: tama siya. May bumabagabag sa akin simula pa kagabi. Hindi ako mapakali dahil hindi ako matanggal sa isip ang panaginip na iyon.
I have this urge to dig deeper into that kind of life. It feels so familiar, so right, that I can’t help but want it desperately.
I want it.
“Last night, I had this dream…” Tumigil ako sandali at tiningnan si Konah. Nakatingin lang siya sa akin, tila hinihintay ang susunod kong sasabihin.
“Anong dream, putek! May pa-suspense pa kasi, sabihin mo na agad, ano napanaginipan mo?” iritableng sambit niya.
“I had this dream… I was dancing on a stage,” sagot ko.
“Huh? Ate ko, lagi ka namang sumasayaw sa stage. Anong bago doon?”
“Hindi iba ito ngayon… I was dancing in a strip club.”
“ANO?!” Napasigaw si Konah sa gulat. Agad ko siyang hinila pabalik sa upuan sa tabi ko at tinakpan ang bibig niya.
“Shh! Ang ingay mo! It was just a dream, pero may pakiramdam akong gusto ko talagang subukan. I don’t know… sounds crazy, pero I desperately want to try it.”
“Talagang baliw ka na, anong nasinghot mo, girl? Bakit biglang stripper na agad ang gusto mong career? Do you even know what a real stripper does? Anong ginagawa nila sa club?” Hindi makapaniwala si Konah.
“They are selling their bodies for money!” Ipinapakita niya pa sa pamamagitan ng pag-alog sa akin habang hawak ang magkabilang balikat ko.
“I know… pero hindi ko naman sinabing gagawin ko iyon. I just want to try dancing on that stage.”
“Baliw ka nga. Kakatiktok mo ’yan siguro. Tabi paalala ko lang: hindi lahat ng nakikita mo sa social media, ginagaya. Hindi ito biro.”
“Alam ko nga. I just need to try dancing on that stage. May gusto lang akong malaman.”
Mas lalong nalukot ang mukha ni Konah sa pangangatwiran ko.
“Anong gusto mong malaman? Kung magkano kita? Malaki, pero kapalit ’non ay dignidad mo! Baliw ka na, Tabi. Alam ko mahina ang dugo mo pero utak mo hindi. Ano bang—”
Pinutol ko siya, sabay igulong ang mga mata.
“Pwede ba, try to just understand, Konah. I had this sudden urge… I just want to try dancing on that stage. Please, help me.”
Umiling siya at tumayo. “No. Baliw ka na. Best Friend kita, pero hindi ko sasakyan itong trip mo na ito. Yari na talaga tayo pag sinakyan ko ’to. Stop!”
At umalis siya, iniwan akong nag-iisa.
Believe me, Konah… kahit ako hindi ko maintindihan sarili ko. This is so new to me, pero I desperately want it without knowing why.
I just need to try.
“Strip club,” I whispered.
Naglalakad ako papunta sa basketball court ng campus, tiyak kong nagsimula na ang training ni Henry sa ganitong oras.
Bago ako dumiretso roon, dumaan muna ako sa cafeteria para bumili ng Pocari Water para sa kanya. Habang papalapit ako sa court, natanaw ko si Henry na may kausap na isang babae. Hindi ko siya kilala, pero kapansin-pansin ang mga ngiti niya habang nakikipag-usap sa nobyo ko.
Kusang kumunot ang aking noo. Hindi ko pa nakikita ang babaeng iyon dito sa Belle University. Iba rin ang kulay ng lanyard ng kanyang ID, tanda na hindi siya dito nag-aaral. Binilisan ko ang lakad ko, pero bago pa ako tuluyang makalapit, biglang lumitaw mula kung saan si Seth. Inakbayan niya ang babae at marahang hinila palayo kay Henry.
Sa pag-alis ng dalawa, napatingin sa akin si Henry. Kita ko ang gulat sa mga mata niya nang makita ako roon, ngunit agad iyong napalitan ng isang matamis na ngiti. At doon, napaisip ako—paano nga ba ako magagalit o maiinis sa kanya, kung sa isang ngiti lang niya, agad na lumalambot ang puso ko?
Wala akong nagawa kundi gantihan ang ngiti niya, lalo na nang makita kong patalon-talon pa siyang lumapit sa akin.
“Babe, you’re here! May practice ka? Bakit hindi mo sinabi sa akin?” Tanong niya, saka ako agad niyakap at sunod-sunod na hinalikan sa noo.
“I wanted to surprise you,” sabi ko gamit ang baby talk, dahilan para lalo siyang matunaw. Napailing na lang siya, saka inayos ang buhok ko.
“Why are you so cute,” bulong niya bago pa pisilin ang pisngi ko, pagkatapos ay inakbayan ako at dinala papasok sa court.
“By the way… sino yung kausap mo kanina? That girl?” maingat kong tanong habang naglalakad kami.
“Oh, that’s Evelyn, kapatid ni Seth. She was just asking me about the entrance exam for Med Tech. Senior high palang siya, pero plano na niyang mag-Med Tech after graduation,” paliwanag ni Henry.
Tumango-tango ako. Ah, kapatid lang pala ni Seth. Wala kang dapat ipag-alala, Tabi. Besides, you can trust Henry. He’ll never hurt you.
That thought calmed my heart, kaya’t nakangiti akong umupo sa bench.
“One more game, then kain tayo after, “ paos pero malambing na paalam ni Henry bago ako bigla niyang ninakawan ng halik sa labi at mabilis na tumakbo pabalik sa court.
Hay naku. Bakit ba ako kinikilig pa rin na parang high schooler? We’ve been together for six years already, dapat sanay na ako sa mga ganitong moments. Pero ewan, hindi ko pa rin mapigilan… kinikilig pa rin talaga ako.
Wala pang ilang minuto, sunod-sunod na agad ang likes at comments. Binasa ko ang ilan at hindi ko napigilang matawa mag-isa.
Hindi naman mapagkakaila na gwapo talaga si Henry, at sikat siya sa campus lalo na ngayon na siya na ang bagong team captain ng basketball team. Pero never naman itong naging issue sa akin—sa totoo lang, natutuwa pa ako na maraming humahanga sa kanya.
Proud girlfriend here, after all.
Bigla akong natigilan nang makita ko ang isang comment na agad umagaw ng atensyon ko:
Evelyn?
Sandali—ito ba yung babae kanina?
Agad kong pinindot ang account niya para i-stalk. Pero laking gulat ko nang makita kong puro K-pop boys ang laman ng feed niya, karamihan ay memes ng Enhypen, pati edits at fancams. Walang kahit anong picture niya, walang kahit anong clue kung sino siya talaga.
Baka spam account lang ito or dump account ng kung sino na kapangalan ng kapatid ni Seth.
“Babe,” naputol ang pag-scroll ko sa phone ng tawagin ako ni Henry. Paglingon ko, nag-flying kiss pa siya bago pumuntos ng tres na naging dahilan ng pagkapanalo ng team nila sa practice.
“Grabe, Capt. Iba na ngayon ah—kailangan pala may jowa na sa practice, “ biro ng isa sa teammates niya habang papalapit sila sa amin.
Tumayo ako at iniabot sa kanya ang binili kong Pocari Sweat. Kinuha niya iyon, at agad kong pinunasan ng tuwalya ang pawis niya.
“Shuta, kainis naman dito. Naiinggit lang ako… talagang mamaya sa akin ang girlfriend ko,” reklamo ng isa pa nilang kakampi.
“Fuck off, River,” natatawang sagot ni Henry habang hinayaan lang akong punasan siya.
“Talagang nagyayabang ka pa, ah,” biro ko naman. Confident siyang tumango at tumawa, na lalo kong ikinatawa.
Pagkatapos niyang magpalit ng damit, nagpunta kami sa isang malapit na coffee shop sa campus para mag-lunch. It was simple, sweet, and it felt so nice to have this kind of date kahit sa gitna ng normal na training at practice day.
“I got the main role.”
Napahinto siya sa pagmamaneho, itinabi ang sasakyan sa gilid ng kalsada, at agad akong hinarap na may malawak na ngiti sa labi. “I’m so proud of you, babe. Alam kong makukuha mo talaga iyon. The moment na nalaman kong Nutcracker ang gagawin, I knew ikaw na agad ang magiging bida. You deserve it.” Niyakap niya ako ng mahigpit, ramdam ko ang tuwa sa bawat salita niya.
“Thank you, babe. You’re gonna watch, right?”
Bigla siyang natigilan. Dahan-dahan bumagsak ang mga balikat niya, at unti-unting nagbago ang ekspresyon sa mukha. Guilt, sadness. Why?
“What’s wrong?” tanong ko, nag-aalangan.
“Sorry, babe… may sudden training camp next month. Eksakto sa linggo ng recital mo. I can’t come and watch.”
Kita ko rin ang lungkot sa mata niya, halatang ayaw din niya sa sitwasyon. Naiintindihan ko naman, pareho kaming nasa school clubs, may kanya-kanyang events at commitments. Kung may game din siya at may training camp ako, hindi rin naman ako makakapanood.
Umiling ako at marahang hinaplos ang pisngi niya. “Okay lang, babe. Naiintindihan ko. Mapapanood mo naman sa university page. Papanoorin mo ako sa live, diba? “ Nagpa-doe eyes pa ako at idinagdag, “Subukan mo lang humindi.”
“Syempre,” mabilis niyang sagot bago ako muling niyakap at isinandal sa balikat ko. “Sorry, babe. Babawi ako.”
“Promise,” bulong ko.
“Promise,” tugon niya. And that’s all I need. That’s enough to make me okay.
“Fine, take me home na,” nakangiti kong sabi. Napangiwi siya bago umayos ng upo at muling pinaandar ang sasakyan.
“By the way, how did Toby’s party end?” tanong ko habang nakatingin sa kanya.
“Sabi ni Seth, nalasing daw nang sobra si Toby,” sagot niya.
“Nagalit ba sila na umalis agad tayo?”
Umiling siya. “Hindi naman. They understand us. We’re not used to that kind of party.”
“Yung dancer… where did Seth get her? “ I pursed my lips, doing my best to sound casual and not look suspicious.
Bahagyang kumunot ang noo ni Henry sa tanong ko, pero agad kong iniwas ang tingin at tumingin na lang sa bintana, para magmukhang no big deal.
“Hindi ko alam eh, why do you ask? “ balik tanong niya.
“Wala lang, curious lang ako,” iwas ko ng tingin, pilit na pinapakalma ang boses ko.
“Maybe she’s from a stripper club beside their bar,” sagot ni Henry.
That made my heart skip, pero hindi ko pinahalata. Stripper’s club? May katabi pala noon?
Should I… check it out?
“Babe?” naputol ang iniisip ko nang tawagin niya ako.
“Huh?” wala sa sarili kong sagot.
“We’re here.”
“Saan?”
“Your house?” medyo naguguluhang sagot niya habang nakatitig sa expression ko, parang sinusuri kung may mali.
Napalingon ako sa labas ng bintana, saka nagkunwaring kalmado. “Ahhh, yes. I should go, babe. I’ll call you later. Love you.”
Nagmadali akong bumaba at pumasok sa loob ng gate.
Stripper’s Club…
The whole afternoon, staying inside the house only made things worse. Wala na akong ibang hinanap sa internet kundi ang tungkol sa buhay ng isang stripper. The deeper I dig, the harder it was to stop.
Sa TikTok pa lang, andami nang videos, glimpses of how a stripper’s life looks so easy. The money they earn in just one night? Surreal. The stage. The lights. The heels.
And most of all, the pole.
All my life, I’ve watched my mom perform as a professional pole dancer. And now, for the first time, I can’t deny it anymore…
I want to try it.
I want to be on that stage.
“Tabi, anak, are you busy?”
Naputol ang pag-scroll ko sa iPad nang marinig ko ang tawag ni Mama. Agad akong tumayo mula sa couch at lumapit sa kanya.
“Yes, Ma?”
“Can you go upstairs for me? Kailangan ko yung Cartier necklace from my walk-in closet, under the watches drawer. The ruby one, “ utos ni Mama, abala sa glam team sa living room para sa brand post.
Tumango ako at agad umakyat sa master’s bedroom. Ruby necklace… Cartier box, paulit-ulit kong bulong habang pumapasok sa walk-in closet niya.
Pagpasok, dumiretso ako sa watches drawer. Lumuhod ako at isa-isa kong binuksan ang mga drawer, hanggang sa maabot ang pinakailalim.
“There you are,” sabi ko nang may excitement habang kinukuha ang carrier box ng Cartier. Binuksan ko at tumutok ang tingin sa loob, oo nga, ang pulang ruby necklace. Ika-iyak na ko na isasara nang may na-capture ang mata ko: isang maliit na pulang rectangular box na may gold-embroidered letters sa gitna — El.
Dinala ko ito sa paligid ng liwanag at parang may bigat ng kasaysayan. Bakit nasa closet ni Mama ’to? Ano meron dito? Curiosity ate the cat, at ako iyon.
Dahan-dahan kong binuksan ang redbox. Nang makita ko ang laman, biglang umigsi ang paghinga ko.
Isang lace mask, eksaktong katulad ng suot ng babaeng nakita ko sa party. Delikado ang itsura: maselan, alluring, may bakas ng maraming gabi ng ilaw at sayaw.
What is this? Why does Mama have something like this?
I slowly took the mask out of the box, my hands trembling as I lifted it to my face. When I finally put it on, my lips parted in awe at the reflection staring back at me in the mirror.
“Our Midnight Ballerina.”
The voices echoed in the back of my mind, stirring a haunting sense of déjà vu.
I want it.
I want it.
DAWNVELLICHOR
10 - 25 - 2025
CHAPTER 3 (STRIPPER’S STAGE) WILL DROPS ON SATURDAY NOVEMBER 01, 2025 09:30PM
CHAPTER THREE : STRIPPER’S STAGE
“Great dancers are not great because of their technique, they are great because of their passion.” -Konstantin Stanislavski
STRIPPER’S STAGE
TABITHA
“Ma, magpapaalam lang po sana ako,” mahinahon kong sambit. Tumigil si Mama sa pagbabasa ng mga papeles sa harapan niya at itinuon ang pansin sa akin.
Hindi ko magawang salubungin ang tingin niya. “After class po, may rehearsal kami sa Ballet Club, medyo late na rin siguro matatapos. Pwede po bang mag-sleepover ako sa condo ni Konah for tonight?” Sinungaling ka, Tabitha. Sana lang, hindi niya mahalata.
“Matagal na rin po kaming ’di nagkakabonding ni Konah. I just… miss sleeping over at her place,” dagdag ko pa, pilit pinapakalma ang boses ko kahit ramdam kong ang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko.
Napansin ko ang bahagyang pagkunot ng noo ni Mama bago siya muling nagsalita. Napatigil ako, halos pigilan ang paghinga.
Please, please, please, Ma—pumayag ka na.
That curious, almost suspicious look she gave me softened into a calm, gentle smile.
“Sure,” she said, her voice light but careful . “Basta, promise me you’ll take your meds on time—before dinner and before you sleep, okay?”
Parang nabunutan ako ng tinik sa dibdib sa narinig ko. Yes!
“Promise, Ma. I won’t forget,” I said, trying not to sound too relieved.
“And wag kayong magpuyat kakabonding, okay? Ako na ang bahala sa dad mo, I’ll tell him about the sleepover. Sige na, go to school na, malalate ka na. I’ll be out for a photoshoot later. Bye, my Tabi.”
Lumapit ako sa kanya, hinalikan siya sa pisngi, at niyakap nang mahigpit. Sorry, Ma.
Then I stepped back, forcing a smile. Tumakbo ako papunta sa kwarto, kinuha ang bag, at pumasok sa shoe closet. Mula roon, pinili ko ang isa sa pinakamagandang pares sa koleksyon ko ng ballet heels, ang unang regalo sa akin ni Daddy.
It was the Cassia Lace-Up 100 mm Strappy Pumps in black crepe satin, my very first pair of Christian Louboutin heels.
I grabbed everything and stuffed it into my bag. The last item, hidden carefully under my pillow was my mom’s black lace mask. I took a deep breath, slipped it inside, and finally stepped out of my room.
This is it, Tabitha.
“Ma! Bye! I love you! See you tomorrow!” I shouted before running out the door.
Paglabas ko, agad akong sumakay sa sasakyan na pinamaneho ni Kuya Doddie.
“Ma’am, mag-ingat ho kayo ni Ma’am Konah sa pag-uwi mamaya, ha? Kung gusto niyo akong magsundo bukas ng umaga, tawagan niyo lang ako,” paalala niya sa kalmadong tinig habang humihinto sa tapat ng campus gate.
“Noted, Kuya Doddie! See you tomorrow!” I replied cheerfully before hopping out of the car and running toward the campus gates.
I didn’t know why, but my heart was racing—overflowing with excitement. Today just felt different.
“Hi, lovely.”
Nagulat ako nang may biglang bumulong sa kaliwang tenga ko. Napalingon ako agad. “Babe! Ginulat mo naman ako!” reklamo ko, sabay hampas ng marahan sa braso niya.
He just chuckled, that familiar, charming smirk curling on his lips as he reached for my bag and tumbler.
“Bakit ang dami mong dala ngayon? Hindi naman ganito kabigat mga gamit mo sa ballet rehearsals, ah?” tanong niya habang binabalanse ang bag sa balikat niya.
“Ah, I’ll have a sleepover at Konahrie’s condo tonight,” sagot ko agad. “We kinda miss our movie nights together, kaya nagdala ako ng extra clothes.”
Tumango-tango siya, then without warning, he lifted my hand and placed a soft kiss on its back.
“Naiingit ako kay Konah,” he suddenly said.
Napatingin ako sa kanya, bahagyang natawa. “Huh? Bakit ka naman biglang nainggit sa kanya?” tanong ko habang naglalakad kami, our steps falling in rhythm with each other.
“She gets to spend the whole night with you,” he said, and just like that, my cheeks turned crimson. I quickly looked away, trying to laugh it off.
“Wala kang dapat ikainggit kay Konah,” I said, grinning. “I promise, once I turn eighteen, we’ll spend more time together—and magsasawa ka sa akin, kasi mukha ko lang ang makikita mo bawat oras ng buhay mo.”
I tried to cheer him up, and it worked—his charming smile returned.
“Promise,” he whispered.
I leaned in, gave him a quick peck on the cheek, and nodded. “Promise.”
He suddenly wrapped his arms around me, lifting me off the ground and spinning me around. I couldn’t help but laugh out loud.
“Babe! Ang daming tao!” I half-whispered between giggles.
“I don’t care about them,” he said boldly before showering small kisses across my face.
“Ehem! Excuse me lang, pero ang aga-aga, PDA agad? Nakaka-harm sa aming mga single, tangina,” an all-too-familiar voice interrupted.
Henry froze and slowly put me down. We both turned to see Konah standing there, arms crossed, rolling her eyes at us.
He greeted her politely while I tried not to laugh. “Ang aga-aga, ang landi niyo,” she scolded, but I could see the amused smirk tugging at her lips.
“Oh siya, kukunin ko na ang best friend ko, ha? May klase ka na, ’di ba? Shoo!” she said, waving her hands dramatically as if shooing a puppy away, before grabbing me by the arm.
“Fine, fine,” Henry said, chuckling. “I’ll call you later, babe. Bye, Konah. Enjoy your sleepover.”
Konah’s brows furrowed. “Sleepover?” she asked, genuinely confused.
I quickly pinched her at the back.
“Ah—oo! Sleepover, haha! Oo nga, enjoy kami talaga!” she said, forcing a laugh.
We both stood there, smiling awkwardly as we watched Henry walk away—until he was finally out of sight. Then, Konah turned to me, eyes sharp with curiosity. Uh-oh.
“Sira ka, anong sleepover?” agad niya akong hinarap, halatang naguguluhan at medyo naiirita.
“Shh, ang ingay mo,” bulong ko habang hinila siya papunta sa pinakamalapit na bench. Umupo kami, at lumingon-lingon muna ako bago nagsalita. “We’ll do it tonight.”
Halos magdikit ang mga kilay niya. “Huh? Anong gagawin natin?”
“Pupunta tayo sa stripper’s club—”
“ ANO?! “ sigaw niya, sabay tayo na parang nasunugan ng pwet.
Mabilis ko siyang hinila pabalik at tinakpan ang bibig niya. “Ipagsigawan mo pa kaya, ang lakas ng bunganga mo,” bulong kong may halong inis.
She rolled her eyes and gently pulled my hand away. “Eh sino ba naman hindi sisigaw sa sinabi mo? Sa strip club? Tayong dalawa? Mamayang gabi? No way, Tabitha! Straight ako, noh! Oo, single ako, matagal na, pero hindi ibig sabihin niyan babae na ang type ko ngayon.”
“Ang O.A. mo talaga,” sabay irap ko. “Hindi naman iyon ang point kung bakit tayo pupunta doon. It’s because of me—I want to try it.”
Napahinto siya, and for a moment, I saw realization flicker in her eyes. She remembered. She knew.
“Seryoso ka ba?” tanong niya, this time softer, almost worried.
“Seryosong-seryoso,” sagot ko, halos pabulong . “Kaya mamaya na tayo magkita. Papasok muna ako sa class, tapos may ballet rehearsal pa ako. Kita tayo sa condo mo mamayang gabi. Bye!”
Tumayo ako at naglakad palayo, habang si Konah ay naiwan sa bench—tulala, mukhang kinakausap ang sarili kung bakit ba niya ako pinatulan sa mga ganitong plano.
Let’s get this over with.
Tonight, I’ll do everything I can—just to get on that stage.
“And a one, a two, a three—and spine, turn, and last pose! Brazo, bellissimo!”
Coach Victoria’s commanding voice echoed across the studio as we held our final position for The Nutcracker routine. When the music faded, I straightened my posture and gave a graceful bow, catching my breath as my chest rose and fell in rhythm with the silence that followed.
“Okay, everyone, you may go. We’re dismissed—see you all tomorrow,” she said, her tone softer now but still firm with authority.
We all bowed once more, chorused a polite “Thank you, Coach,” and began to move toward our bags lined neatly by the mirrored wall.
My leotard clung to my skin, slick with sweat, every muscle humming from the intensity of the last spin. God, I feel so sticky, I thought, running a hand through my damp hair. I need a shower—now.
I glanced down at my wristwatch. 8:00 p.m.
Time to go. Konah’s condo was waiting—and so was tonight’s plan.
Nagmamadali akong nag-ayos ng gamit at nagpalit ng sapatos nang bigla akong lapitan ni Coach Victoria.
“Jimenez, can I speak to you?”
Napatingala ako agad at sinalubong ang tingin niya, pilit binabasa kung anong klaseng emosyon ang nasa mga mata niya. Pero wala akong mabasa—blanko. Kaya dahan-dahan akong tumayo, inayos ang nagulong buhok, at mahinang nagsalita, “Yes, Coach?”
Kinakabahan ako bigla. Hindi ko alam kung papalitan ba niya ako, kasi hindi naman gano’n kaganda ang performance ko kanina.
Lahat ng tao sa studio napatingin sa amin—pati sina Kelly at ang mga alipores niya. Ramdam ko ang tensyon sa hangin habang nakatingin silang lahat, parang naghihintay ng announcement.
Napapikit ako nang bahagya nang makita kong bumuka ang bibig ni Coach. Please, wag mo akong tanggalin as the Sugarplum Princess.
“You’re excellent, iha. I can’t wait to see you on that stage. You’ll definitely nail it. And as an early reward, here—” ngumiti siya at inabot sa akin ang isang box, “I wanted to give you this. These are my Sugarplum Princess ballet shoes that I wore back then. Still in good condition. I hope they’ll bring you luck.”
Nagpalakpakan agad ang mga co-cast ko, maliban na lang syempre kina Kelly at sa mga minion niya na halatang napipilitan lang mag-smile.
At first, hindi agad nagsink-in sa akin ang sinabi ni Coach. Pero ng mahawakan ko na ’yung light pink ballet shoes, may lacey texture at sobrang elegante, parang biglang sumabog ’yung saya at excitement sa dibdib ko.
Oh my gosh. I can’t wait to wear them.
Mukhang I’m really doing a great job.
Do I really deserve this?
“Sure po kayo, Coach?” tanong ko, halos hindi makapaniwala.
Ngumiti siya nang totoo, ’yung ngiti na ramdam mong may tiwala. “Yes, iha. I want you to wear it. And everyone, don’t worry, don’t feel envious of Jimenez, because I also bought all of you shoes for this recital.”
Mas lalo pang lumakas ang palakpakan sa loob ng studio. Nahihiya pero sobrang saya ko, kaya bigla ko na lang niyakap si Coach nang mahigpit.
“Thank you po, Coach. I’ll take good care of this, I promise,” sabi ko, halos maiyak sa tuwa.
“You better be,” sagot niya sabay kindat bago lumabas ng room.
“Congrats, Tabitha! Ang galing mo kasi sobra—ayan tuloy, napabilib mo na naman si Coach. Nako, hindi na ako magtataka kung bigla ka niyang i-offer for an international ballet career after graduation, haha!” biro ni David habang nililigpit ang gamit niya.
Natawa ako at marahan siyang tinapik sa braso. “Offer sa ating dalawa, ano ka ba,” biro ko rin, sabay ngiti.
Mula sa kabilang dulo ng room, sumabat si Kelly, pasinghal ang tono. “Assuming masyado.” Halatang kami ang pinatatamaan.
David turned to her, glaring playfully. “Paginggit, pikit!”
Napatawa kaming lahat sa sinabi niya, habang si Kelly at ang barkada niya ay napairap na lang.
“See you tomorrow, Tabitha,” sabi ni David habang kumakaway, dumadaan sa opposite path papunta sa exit.
“See you!” sagot ko, ngumingiti pa rin. Pero pagtingin ko sa relo— 8:50 p.m.
“Oh shoot,” napabulong ako. Malapit na mag-nine!
Agad akong kumaripas ng takbo palabas ng campus. Pagkalabas, sumakay ako ng taxi kahit ilang blocks lang naman ang condo ni Konah—wala nang oras para maglakad.
“Manong, bayad ho—keep the change po,” sabi ko sabay abot ng ₱500 bago tumalon palabas ng sasakyan.
“Thank you, ma’am!” sigaw ng driver habang papalayo na ako.
Huminga ako nang malalim, sinapo ang strap ng bag, at halos magmamadaling pumasok sa elevator. This is it.
Papunta na ako sa floor kung saan naghihintay si Konah—at ang simula ng lahat ng plano namin ngayong gabi.
Nang makarating ako sa tapat ng pinto, ilang malalakas na katok ang pinakawalan ko. Ilang segundo lang, bumukas na ito.
“Grabe ka makakatok, girl! Akala ko may raid,” sita agad ni Konah, kunot-noo pero may halong tawa.
Pumasok ako, huminga nang malalim, at inilapag lahat ng bags sa sahig—maliban sa duffle bag na may laman ang mga heels at mga damit na kakailanganin ko mamaya.
“Maliligo lang ako, then alis na tayo,” sabi ko habang naglalakad papunta sa banyo.
“Agad-agad? Hindi ka man lang magpapahinga?” reklamo ni Konah, nakasandal sa pintuan.
“Anong oras na? Wala nang time magpahinga,” sagot ko, halos tumatakbo na papasok sa banyo.
Nagmadali akong maligo—isang mabilis pero detalyadong ritual ng tubig, sabon, at kaba. Paglabas ko, diretso sa harap ng salamin, nag-ayos ng buhok, naglagay ng light makeup, at huminga nang malalim.
Para akong naging si The Flash sa bilis ng kilos ko. Nang matapos, binuksan ko ang bag at kinuha ang mask —ang black lace mask ni Mama. Dahan-dahan ko itong inilagay sa bulsa ng black coat na isusuot ko mamaya, sakto lang para itago ang suot kong pink nightdress .
Pero hindi ito basta nightdress.
It was my mother’s Victoria’s Secret Creamsicle Lace Slip Dress, ang pinakaseksi sa lahat ng nasa closet niya.
Kinuha ko ito kasi ayon sa mga research ko… sexy lingerie daw ang madalas isuot ng mga stripper sa club.
At ngayong gabi, I wasn’t just Tabitha Jimenez, the ballerina.
I was about to become someone else entirely.
This isn’t even that sexy — I’m wearing a skintone bodysuit underneath, for crying out loud — but this will do.
“Oh my freaking gosh, Tabitha!!!” sigaw ni Konah nang makita ako. “Ano yan suot mo?! Nako, mayayari tayo sa mga pinag-gagawa mo! Wait—may tinatago ka bang kink? Oh my gosh, ayaw ko na, wag na natin itul—”
Hindi ko na siya pinatapos. Kinuha ko agad ang throw pillow at binato diretso sa mukha niya. “Ang dami mong arte! Halika nga rito, may papakita ako sa ’yo.”
Napapailing pero lumapit pa rin siya, naupo sa harap ko habang nag-aalangan.
“Look.” I held up the black lace mask in my hands.
Saglit siyang napatitig, tapos kunot-noo niyang tinanong, “Ano ’yan? Panty na may butas sa gitna?!”
Napairap ako nang malalim. “Oh my god, Konah. No! This is a mask—a lace mask! Kagaya nung suot nung babae sa birthday ni Toby, remember?”
Natahimik siya sandali, tapos biglang kumindat at tumango-tango. “Ahhh, oo nga! Wait—bumili ka?”
Ngumiti ako, bahagyang nakataas ang kilay. “Nope,” sagot ko, habang pinaglalaruan sa daliri ko ang tela. “I didn’t buy it.”
She blinked. “Then… saan mo—”
I met her gaze, that sly smile spreading across my lips. “It’s my mom’s.”
Umiling ako. “Hindi. I saw this in my mom’s closet. Nakalagay siya sa isang special box na may naka-engrave na E.L.”
She gasped, halos mapatili sa gulat. “What?! Bakit may ganyan si Tita Louen?! Oh my gosh! Don’t tell me pang foreplay nila ’yan ni Tito Leus—”
“Stop!” agad kong putol sa kanya, sabay taas ng kamay. “ Don’t you ever say that, Konah.“
Tahimik siyang napapikit, pero halata pa rin ang ngiti sa gilid ng labi.
I sighed, my voice softer this time. “Hindi… iba ang pakiramdam ko. Parang may mas malalim na meaning itong mask. Nakatago siya sa velvet box—at hindi ’yon gawain ni Mom. She doesn’t hide ordinary things like that. I know her too well.”
Hinawakan ko ang mask, letting the lace slip through my fingers like a secret whisper. “There’s something behind this… something I haven’t figured out yet. Pero ito—” tinitigan ko ang mask, ang bawat detalyeng tila nagtatago ng kuwento, “—ito mismo ang nagtulak sa’kin para gawin ’to ngayong gabi.”
Suminghal si Konah, “Dapat pala hindi mo na lang nakita ’yan, edi tahimik sana buhay natin ngayon.”
“Ano ba, kaibigan ba talaga kita o hindi?” inis kong sambit habang inaayos ang strap ng bag ko.
“Sorry na!” she whined, pero halata pa rin ang kaba sa boses niya. “Eh kasi naman, totoo namang kinakabahan ako sa gagawin natin. Hindi ito biro, noh!”
Naiintindihan ko naman siya. Pero sa kabila ng takot, ramdam kong kailangan kong gawin ’to.
“I know,” I said, looking straight into her eyes. “But trust me on this, Konah. Iba talaga ’yung feeling ko eh… parang may humihila sa’kin.”
Napabuntong-hininga siya, halatang sumusuko na sa kakulitan ko . “Fine,” sabi niya, rolling her eyes. “Bahala na si Batman.”
I smiled, pulled her into a tight hug. “Thank you, Konah.”
“Ano pa bang magagawa ko? Eh ako lang naman ang the best best friend mo in the whole damn world,” she said, smirking proudly.
“Let’s go,” sabi ko, puno ng determinasyon sa boses ko. Tumayo kami, kinuha ko ang duffle bag, at sabay kaming lumabas ng condo.
It was already 10:30 p.m. Nang makarating kami sa club, halos magdilim ang paligid sa mga pulang ilaw at neon sign na kumikislap sa labas ng gusali. Midnight Strippers Club.
Kumapit si Konah sa braso ko. “Putang ina, Tabitha… nakakatakot ’to.”
“Shh,” I whispered, handing her the black cap. “Wear this.” Pareho kaming nagsuot ng black cap at face mask — para kaming mga lihim na misyonera sa disyertong gabi.
Nang bumukas ang pinto ng Grab, pareho kaming huminga ng malalim.
“Ready ka na?” tanong niya.
“Yeah,” I said, half-smiling. “Let’s meet the night.”
Sabay kaming bumaba, at ang bawat hakbang papasok ng club ay parang paglusong sa isang mundo ng lihim, ilaw, at tukso.
“Nako, sana hindi talaga tayo mahuli sa kalokohan na ’to—mayayari talaga, lalo na kay Tito Leusam. Baka pabagsakin niya ang business ng parents ko pag nalaman niya, huhu, maghihirap na kami, saan kami kukuha ng pang-kain, manlilimos na lang ako sa kalsada—hmf!” pinisil ko ang bibig ni Konah at tinignan nang seryoso.
“Mahuhuli talaga tayo kung puro ka salita dyan. Huwag kang maingay. Doon tayo sa likod,” sabi ko nang may mapansing naglalakad na babae na seksi pa rin ang aura papunta sa likod ng building.
Tumungo kami sa likod ng club, kung saan maraming naninigarilyo. “Hey kids, you look new here,” bati ng ilang kalalakihan na kumalapit sa amin, pero iniwasan namin sila at nagpatuloy habang papalapit sa pinto kung saan nakasulat: Staff Members Only.
Doon ko nakita pumasok yung babae kanina.
“Go na,” bulong ni Konah, pero muntik na akong matakot nang bumukas bigla ang pinto. Biglang may sumigaw na isang butihing tao mula sa loob, “Ano ba, kilos! Ang kukupad ang mga bruha na ito!!! Dalian niyo, hanapin niyo ang Ericka na iyon—sasabunutan ko yung babaeng iyon hanggang magtanggal anit niya, arghhh, kaloka, stress na ang bakla!” lumabas si isang grumpy mid-aged na bakla at itinutulak ang mga malalaking lalaki na naka-black t-shirt na may nakalagay na Midnight Bouncer sa gitna.
“Balisan niyo, magagalit ang mga client natin!!!” muli niyang sigaw.
“Ahm…” panimula ko, pero agad na napunta sa amin ang tingin niya—mataas ang kilay, parang nag-aalangan. “Ano ’yon?!” tanong niya, medyo pa-harsh pa ang tono.
“Ahm, saan ho puwedeng mag-apply?” sagot ko, pilit na pinatatag ang boses ko kahit ramdam kong nanginginig ang tuhod ko.
Una, halata sa mukha niya na hindi siya naniniwala. Tiningnan pa niya kami mula ulo hanggang paa, saka umiling nang bahagya. “Pasok kayo,” sambit niya, habang humihithit ng yosi. Dinala niya kami sa loob, sa may pintong malapit sa dressing room kung saan nag-aayos ang mga babae—mga babaeng halos kapiraso na lang ang saplot.
“Shit, naked,” bulong ni Konah. Pinisil ko siya sa braso bago pa siya makadagdag ng eksena.
“Ilan taon?” tanong ng lalaki habang umuupo sa isang pulang swivel chair, parang sanay na sanay sa ganitong eksena.
“Ahm, seventee—”
Hindi ko pa natatapos nang bigla siyang sumabat. “Nope! Hindi kami tumatanggap ng minor. Anak ng betlog, gusto mo bang makulong ako?” mabilis nitong sambit habang umiikot ang upuan niya.
“Pero po… malapit na akong mag-eighteen,” sabi ko agad, halos pakiusap na ang tono.
“Edi balik ka na lang pag eighteen ka na. Next!” tatayo na sana siya nang mabilis akong sumingit.
“Please po, sir. Let me dance on stage—kulang kayo sa dancers, ’di ba? Let me fill that spot. Wala naman pong makakaalam ng edad ko. Hayaan niyo lang akong sumayaw. Kung hindi maganda performance ko, aalis ako, promise, hindi ko na po kayo guguluhin.”
Tahimik siya sandali, at sa pagitan ng usok ng yosi niya, ramdam kong pinag-aaralan niya ako mula ulo hanggang paa. Hindi ko alam kung awa ba ’yung nakikita ko sa mata niya, o curiosity. Pero sa sandaling iyon, handa na akong ipaglaban kahit isang sayaw lang.
“Upo,” utos nito, kaya agad akong bumalik sa pagkakaupo. Halos sabay, bumulong si Konah sa tabi ko, “Grabe ’yung pagka-eager mo ah, parang desperate sa buhay.” Deadma lang ako, diretso lang ang tingin ko sa lalaking kaharap namin.
“Virgin?” bigla niyang tanong, at parang natigil ang tibok ng puso ko. Nabitin ako sa paghinga pero mabilis din akong tumango bilang sagot.
“Benta ng katawan ang habol?” sunod niyang tanong, matalim ang tingin.
Umiling ako.
“Mahirap? Walang makain?” tanong niya ulit, mas mahinahon pero parang sinusukat ako. Umiling pa rin ako.
Napakunot ang noo niya. “Ha? Eh kung makapilit ka sa akin, parang dito nakasalalay buhay mo. Bakit?”
“I just want to dance on that stage,” sagot ko, sabay turo sa bintanang nasa gilid niya—doon sa stage sa ibaba kung saan may babaeng umiikot sa pole, basang-basa ng ilaw at tingin ng mga tao.
“Naku, iba na talaga mga kabataan ngayon…” buntong-hininga niya, pero halata sa tono ang pagod, hindi galit. “Ano ’to, trip lang? Oh sige, bahala ka. Ikaw na muna papalit sa bata kong si Ericka. Tokang twelve midnight ’yon, sa main stage. Kaya mo bang sumayaw sa pole?”
Hindi ako sigurado kung kaya ko nga, pero tumango ako nang may paninindigan, pinipilit ipakita na seryoso ako.
Biglang bumukas ang pinto. “Mamang, hinahanap ka ni Boss sa taas! Galit na galit—konti daw ang dancer ngayong gabi!” sigaw ng lalaking kakapasok lang.
Umirap siya, hinilot ang bridge ng ilong niya, bago tumayo at humarap ulit sa akin.
“Bahala na makulong, basta mairaos lang ang gabing ’to,” aniya, sabay buntong-hininga. “Ang daming cliente, kulang sa tao. Sige, mag-ayos ka na. Ikaw ang pang-alas dose. Ayusin mo ’yan, ineng. Ano nga pangalan mo?”
“What name should I say?” I asked myself silently.
Hindi ko pwedeng sabihin ang totoo kong pangalan—isang pagkakamali lang, and I’m done for. Mabilis na umikot ang mga mata ko sa paligid, naghanap ng kahit anong sagot, hanggang sa mapunta ang tingin ko sa stage. The red LED lights glowed like fire, and right there, it hit me.
“R–Ruby po, “ I said, voice slightly trembling.
“Ruby, hmm… bagay sa’yo,” sambit nito, sabay talikod at labas ng kwarto, sinundan ng lalaking kasama niya.
Pagkaalis nila, agad akong nilapitan ni Konah. “So, ano na ang next?” tanong niya, halatang kabado rin.
“Hindi ko rin ala—” hindi ko pa natatapos nang biglang bumukas ulit ang pinto.
“Ruby? Ikaw ’yon? You’re up next sa main stage, sabi ni Mamang,” sabi ng isang babae na naka-headset at may hawak na clipboard.
That one line made my throat dry. My heartbeat pounded so loud I could almost hear it echoing in my ears.
This is it.
Tumayo ako, dahan-dahang hinubad ang suot kong face mask, cap, at cover-up coat—unti-unting nilalantad ang suot kong pink lingerie na sinabayan ng aking ballet heels.
“Here,” sambit ni Konah, sabay abot ng lace mask.
Huminga ako nang malalim. Ramdam kong kumakabog ang dibdib ko, pero marahan kong kinuha ang mask at sinuot ito sa harap ng salamin.
My lips parted when I saw my reflection.
It wasn’t just me anymore. It was her—Ruby.
The girl who wasn’t afraid. The one who moves like sin and grace combined.
Seeing her standing there, alive and real, felt surreal. I’m really going to dance on that stage tonight—as if it’s the only way to fill the empty space inside me.
I can’t breathe… but God, I love how it feels.
“Dito ang daan, tara,” the lady said, and I quickly followed her, my heels clicking softly against the floor.
“Good luck,” bulong ni Konah bago ko siya iwan, ramdam ko pa rin ang kaba sa boses niya.
Sa likod ng stage, dumaan kami sa makapal na blood-red velvet curtains. “Ylona ang pangalan ko, pero ‘Nana’ na lang. Bago ka rito, ’no? Big shot ka agad, main stage ka pa,” biro ng babae.
“Ruby po,” iyon lang ang nasabi ko, halos pabulong, habang pinipigilan ang panginginig ng boses ko.
Pagkatayo namin sa likod ng kurtina, ramdam kong nanlamig ang buong katawan ko. My fingers trembled, my lungs forgot how to breathe.
This is it. The stage—its lights, its pulse, its heat—I can feel it already.
“Galingan mo,” bulong ni Nana bago niya ako tapikin sa likod. “Iilan lang ang babaeng pinapayagang sumayaw sa main stage—si Ericka lang dati. So make it worth it.” Then she walked away, leaving me there, alone with my heartbeat echoing louder than the music.
The heavy bass pulsed through the walls. I could hear the crowd on the other side—men cheering, glasses clinking, laughter thick with lust and smoke.
Then, the MC’s voice filled the air, deep and teasing, dripping with seduction.
“Tonight, we have a new flavor to spice up your night,” he began, his tone rolling through the speakers like velvet. “Fresh flesh—her name is danger wrapped in beauty. She walks in like sin dressed in satin. She doesn’t chase attention… She owns it. And every gaze will follow her tonight.”
I closed my eyes. This is it, Tabitha.
Tonight, my life will change— at midnight.
“And now…meet Ruby our…” the MC’s voice stretched the moment, as if savoring the suspense. Then his gaze dropped, catching the shimmer of my ballet heels beneath the light seeping from the curtains.
He smirked.
“Our Midnight Ballerina!”
My breath hitched.
That name— those exact words.
It was the name I heard in my dreams.
DAWNVELLICHOR
11- 01- 2025
CHAPTER 4 (
OBLIVIOUS
) WILL DROPS ON SATURDAY NOVEMBER 08, 2025 09:30PM
CHAPTER FOUR : OBLIVIOUS
“She wanted to be seen by the one who made her feel invisible.” - Lang Leav
OBLIVIOUS
TABITHA
I could barely breathe. I stepped out onto the stage, and every gaze locked on me, eyes that looked as if they could swallow me whole. I saw nothing but fire in them, a hunger, a silent command for me to move.
This wasn’t the same kind of audience I had during ballet recitals. These eyes weren’t filled with polite admiration; they were burning with desire, devouring every inch of me, fantasizing over my every movement.
It terrified me—yet, somehow, the fear thrilled me. I wanted this feeling.I didn’t know I craved it all along.
As the music began to play, I stood still, frozen like a statue in the spotlight. The crowd grew restless, confused, but I held my ground. My pulse raced. This was my moment, my stage.
This is it, Tabitha. Now… move.
The DJ plays a slow reverb version of Buttons by Pussycat Dolls. I have no idea how to dance this kind of music, fuck!
Ipinikit ko nang mariin ang mga mata ko bago dahan-dahang hinayaan kong pumasok sa sistema ko ang flow ng music. I can do this. I can dance.
Huminga ako nang malalim, at lahat ng memory ko kung paano sumayaw ’yung babae sa birthday ni Toby ay inanalisa ko sa ilang segundo, bago ako nagsimulang gumiling, mabagal, marahan, at sinisigurong mapapansin sa bawat galaw ko ang kurba ng katawan ko.
This is just like ballet, Tabitha, but sexier.
“I’m telling you to loosen up my buttons, babe.”
At the first beats of the music, I was just trying to figure out what moves would fit the rhythm. But as the audience began to draw me in with their hungry gazes, everything changed.
Tila akong nalulunod sa dagat ng mga matang sabik akong masilayan sa entablado. Unti-unti, naglaho ang takot, napalitan ito ng matinding pagnanais na mapansin, magustuhan, at mapamangha ang kakaibang uri ng audience na meron ang stage na ito.
I let myself get lost in the music, dancing as if I were a free butterfly. With every move, it felt like blood-red roses were falling onto the stage beneath me—and the sexier I moved, the heavier the rain of money became before my eyes.
Hindi ko alam, pero sa magulong paraan, tila pinupuno nito ang kung anong matagal nang bakanteng parte sa loob ko.
Hindi ko namalayan na natapos na pala ang tugtog. Isang segundong katahimikan ang bumalot. Hindi ko agad naintindihan ang mga perang nagkalat sa stage, kasabay ng pagpikit ko, sumabog ang masigabong palakpakan, hiyawan, at matinding pagnanais na makita akong muli.
Pagmulat ko, umuulan ng pera sa entablado. Mga lalaking nakatayo, palakpakan at sumisigaw para sa akin. Blood-red roses scattered at my feet. The club roared with life, cheering, chanting, craving more of me.
I gaze at Konah, standing inside Mamang’s office, clapping hysterically. A faint smile appeared on my lips, I didn’t even know what to feel.
But I want this.
Nahagip ng mga mata ko si Mamang, mabilis na tumatakbo papalapit sa MC. May ibinulong siya rito bago ito muling nagsalita.
“Ladies and gentlemen, once again, our Midnight Ballerina! To know her more, she’ll be out every midnight on Fridays, so stay tuned!”
What?
Hindi natapos ang hiyawan ng mga audience.
“Take off your mask, my lady!!!” sigaw ng isang lalaki mula sa crowd.
Sumang-ayon ang iba, at bago pa nila ipilit ang ideyang iyon, mabilis na akong hinila ni Nana papasok sa likod ng kurtina.
Kung saan naghihintay si Mamang. “Ay, bongga ka, bakla!!!” malakas niyang tili habang hinawakan ang magkabila kong balikat at inalog ako na parang manika.
“Nagustuhan ka ni Bossing!!! Pasok ka na! Regular every Friday, you’re now our Midnight Ballerina! Pasok ka na!!!”
My lips parted. Hindi ako makapaniwala. I’m in?!
“Regular ka na agad, beh!!! Masyado mong ginalingan, bakla ka!!!” sigaw ni Nana, halos maiyak sa tuwa.
“Tinalo mo si Ericka! Matagal na mula nung huling napuno ng tips ang main stage, dahil ang performance mo ng VIPs natin, shuta, jackpot kami sa’yo!!!”
Naghahampasan pa sila ni Mamang sa tuwa habang pinapasok ng mga lalaking naka–black t-shirt ang sako-sakong perang kinuha mula sa stage.
“Dalhin sa office ko ’yan! Subukan mong kumupit, Jomar—puputulin ko yang b*yag mong maliit!” banta ni Mamang sa isa sa mga lalaki. Agad nilang binuhat ang mga sako paakyat, kung nasaan si Konah.
“Ruby, you’re our new star! Halika dali, bilangin natin kita mo—50% ako ah!” sabi ni Mamang habang hinihila ako paakyat ng hagdan.
“Ruby, sayo ’to oh.”
Pagkaupo ko sa sofa sa tabi ni Konah, kinuha ni Nana ang mga rosas na dala ng isang lalaki at iniabot sa akin, bago niya tinulungan si Mamang ibuhos lahat ng sako-sakong pera sa mesa.
Nagkatinginan kami ni Konah, parehong nakaawang ang labi, hindi makapaniwala sa dagat ng pera sa harapan namin.
Some of the bills were new, some crumpled, and others still bundled in thick stacks of thousands.
Ganito ba talaga dito?
Is this normal?
“T*ngina, ngayon na lang ulit tayo nagkaroon ng ganitong kalaking kita. Blessing in disguise pala ’yung pag-ghost sa atin ni Ericka, Mamang,” ani ni Nana.
Tumango si Mamang, sabay ngiti sa akin. “You’re a blessing, Ruby.”
Hinawakan ni Konah ang kamay ko, lumapit, at bumulong, “Ang galing mo kanina. Hindi ko akalaing kaya mong gawin ’yon. Daig mo pa ’yung babae sa birthday ni Toby.”
Tiningnan ko siya. “Talaga?” Totoo ba?
Seryoso siyang tumayo. “Saan mo natutunan ’yun?”
“Hindi ko rin alam,” sagot ko nang tapat. I just danced with the music. I just let my body move.
“Hindi ko alam if tama bang sabihin ’to,” nag-aalangan niyang wika, “pero it looks like you’re born for this.”
I don’t know either, but I felt the same way.
Pakiramdam ko, I was destined to dance on that stage.
It didn’t feel unfamiliar, parang mas tama pang sabihin na nakabalik ako sa sarili kong entablado.
“T*angina!!!” nagulat kami ni Konah, ng makalipas ang ilang minuto nilang pananahimik sa pagbibilang ng pera, biglang sumigaw at natatalon sa tuwa si Mamang at si Nana.
Pinanood namin silang masaya bago nila kami hinarap, “Rubyyyyy, bilisan mong mag eighteen iha, ikaw ang magpapasikat sa Midnight Club! Shuta, alam mo ba ang kinita mo ngayong gabi!”
Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko, dahil hindi ko din naman alam ang sagot sa sinabi niya.
“Magkano ho?” Si Konah, ang nagtanong.
Nagkatinginan ulit si Mamang at Nana bago tumili ng sabay, “Ahhh.”
Ang sakit sa tenga ng boses nila, “509,894.00 pesos!!!”
Halos bumabagsak ang panga naming dalawa ni Konah sa sinabi nila Mamang, totoo ba yun?!
“Ang laki ng hatak mo Ruby!!! Ang laki ng bigay ng mga VIP sayo, hindi ka pahubad n’yan ah, pano pa paghubad ka na!” nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa sinabi ni Mamang.
Agad akong nagsalita, “May kondisyon ho ako,” sambit ko sabay tayo, natigilan sila sa pagsasaya dahil sa ginawa ko, “Ano iyon? Kahit ano Ruby.” Mamang said.
“I’m just here to dance on that stage every midnight, I’m not gonna sell my body for a big amount of money, kahit magkano pa ho ang ioffer, my body is not for sale, and I will never be naked on that stage.” tila may konting pagkadismaya sila Mamang dahil sa sinabi ko.
Pero wala silang choice, “Sayang naman, pero sige, just to keep you around, payag ako sa kondisyon mo, basta galingan mo lagi, mga ganitong kitaan every friday, sobra-sobra na sales ng club!!!” ani nito.
Humarap ito sa P.C. sa table niya at nag type before ng print ng isang pirasong papel at inabot ito sa akin.
“Ayan, contract ’yan ng mga dancer dito, nakalagay na din dyan ang mag kondisyon mo.” binasa namin ni Konah ang contract at tama siya nakalagay dito ang conditions ko.
Nana handed me a pen and I signed it without hesitation. “Deal.” I utter as I handed back the contract and kapalit ng kontrata na inabot ko, inabutan ako ni Mamang ng isang stack ng pera.
“50% ng kita ay mapupunta sa akin at sa club and ang other 50% is sa dancer, nabasa mo naman d’yan sa contract, kaya ayan, unang gabi mo kumita ka ng
254,947.00 pesos. Congrats Ruby.“ hindi makapaniwala akong tumingin kay Konah habang nasa palad ko ang perang inabot ni Mamang.
“See you sa friday, Ruby.” Mamang said and brought the other 50% with him out of his office. “Pupunta iyon kay bossing, magrereport, so anong balak niyo after nito? Magstay pa ba kayo o uuwi na din?” tanong ni Nana sa amin.
Pero nanatili pa ’rin akong nakatulala sa perang hawak ko ngayon, I didn’t expect to earn a big amount of money just one night.
“Uuwi na ho kami, kita na lang po ulit tayo sa friday po hehe, halika na Ta–Ruby.” Konah utters and hinila niya ako patayo, hinila palabas ng office at dali-daling kinaladkad palabas at binalot ng coat.
“Taxi, taxi!!!” Sigaw niya at sumakay kami ng taxi.
Nangmakasakay kami ng taxi, nagkatinginan kami ni Konah, sabay sigaw. “Ahhh!”
“Ay ma’am, ok lang ho ba kayo?” gulat na tumigil ang taxi driver sa gilid ng kalsada dahil sa pagsigaw namin. “Ah, hehe, kuya ok lang ho kami, drive na ho kayo ulit, don’t mind us hehe.” Konah said, sabay pigil kaming naghawakan ng kamay.
“Totoo ba yun!” Bulong niya sa akin, hindi maitago sa mga mukha namin ang gulat at may halong excitement dahil sa perang nakatago sa inner pocket ng jacket na suot ko. I really can’t believe we have that big amount of money right now.
“Sige na, payag na ako sa kabaliwan mong ito, grabe, ang laki non!” She playfully said and shook me like I was a toy. Kahit ako hindi ako makapaniwala na ganung kalaki ang kinikita ng mga babaeng kagaya nung sa birthday ni Toby.
Buong byahe pabalik sa condo unit ni Konah, para kaming hindi mapakaling bata. At pagkarating sa loob ng condo niya, kinuha ko ang pera sa bulsa ng coat at ihinagis ito sa era, hinayaan itong umulan sa salas ng condo unit ni Konah.
“Mayaman na tayo! Woahhh!!!” Sigaw ni Konah, arms spread wide open and just feel the money run down her face.
“Ay, tangi, mayaman ka na pala, hindi mo na kailangan ng pera na ito, akin na lang.” She said.
“Hoy, hindi noh, mayaman ang parents ko, pero hindi ako, pero ngayon, feeling ko, mayaman na din ako!!!” tumatawa kaming humiga sa carpet kung saan nakakalat ang pera at tila nakatingin kaming dalawa sa kisame.
“Anong balak mo sa pera na ito?” tanong ni Konah, sa totoo lang hindi ’rin ako sigurado, hindi ko naman kasi inaakala na magkakaroon kami ng ganito kalaking pera ngayong gabi. Ano nga ba ang pwede kong gawin sa pera na ito?
“Hmmm, let’s think.” I utter.
“May share naman siguro ako sa pera noh? Hinatid kaya kita. Kahit 5% lang.” Konah playfully asked. Tumawa ako at sinabi, “Baliw ka ba, sa ating dalawa itong pera na ito noh, walang 5% ka d’yan, tig 50% tayo dito.”
Dumapa siya at hinarap ako, “Talaga ba!!!” sigaw niya, tumango ako at niyakap niya ako.
“Sige na beh, payag na talaga ako sumayaw ka every friday doon, bahala na din kung mahuli, at mawalan ng business ang magulang ko, sayo na lang ako aasa beh!!!” may pa emot-emot pa niyang sambit.
Mas lalo akong tumawa, “Sira, hindi dapat ito mahuli ng kung sino ’man kaya dapat lowkey lang tayo.” I said, at dumapa na din gaya niya.
“Sureness.” pagsang-ayon nito sa sinabi ko.
“Pero bukas, I want to reward myself, samahan mo akong bumili ng heels. I’m gonna buy my own heels from my own self earned money” excited kong sambit.
“Sure na sure!!! Ako naman, bibili ako ng new shoes ko!!! We’re going shopping tomorrow!!!” para kaming bata na binigyan ng bente pambiling lollipop sa sobrang saya namin dalawa.
“We’re rich! Ahahaha!” she said and we filled the whole unit with laughter.
“Grabe, Ruby! Triple ang tinaas ng kita natin ngayong gabi kumpara sa third night mo! Sobrang inabangan ka ng mga client—kumalat sa mga VIP ’yung performance mo! Isipin mo ’yun, bakla ka ng taon! Ang total kinita natin tonight: ₱987,346.00! Ang laki, ahhh!”
Ngumiti ako at tumingin kay Konah, na halatang tuwang-tuwa rin sa kinita namin ngayong gabi.
“Ibig sabihin, ₱493,673 ang 50% natin tonight!” sabi ni Nana, halatang hindi pa rin makapaniwala.
“Grabe na!!! Ang galing mo, Ruby!!! Mabuti pa talagang huwag nang bumalik si Ericka—ikaw pa lang, triple na ang kinikita ng club! You’re really my favorite! Mag-iisang buwan ka pa lang dito pero grabe na ang inangat ng sales natin. Mas dumami ang VIPs, at laging puno tuwing Friday!”
Masaya ako, kasi bukod sa nakakapagsayaw ako sa entabladong ito, nakakatulong din ako sa kita ng Midnight Club. Isa pa, may maayos na kinikita rin kami ni Konahrie. Nakakapag-ipon na kami, at unti-unti ring nadadagdagan ang koleksyon ko ng mga heels.
“Oh, ito ang 50% mo. Next week, huwag kang malalate ha? Mas marami daw clients, at may VVIP pang darating—kaya galingan mo to the max!”
Tinanggap ko ang parte ko sa kinita ngayong gabi at umuwi sa condo ni Konah.
“Hoy, hindi ba nagtataka sila Tita na lagi ka nang nag-i-sleepover dito tuwing Friday?” tanong niya habang nagbibilang kami ng pera.
“No, they won’t mind. Tsaka ikaw naman ang kasama ko, kaya hindi sila mag-aalala,” sagot ko.
“Eh, kailan mo naman balak iuwi sa closet mo ’yang mga heels mo?” tanong niya ulit. Lumingon ako sa hallway papunta sa kwarto ni Konah, kung saan nakakalat ang mga paper bag ng mga heels na binili ko mula pa noong unang kita namin.
“Lagpas bente na ang pairs ng heels na nabili mo simula noong first night mo sa Midnight! Aba, balak mo atang gawing tambakan ng heels mo itong condo ko,” reklamo niya.
Napatawa ako at tumingin sa kanya. “Wag kang mag-alala, iuuwi ko rin ’yang mga ’yan—pero isa-isa lang, para hindi mahalata nila Mama.”
“Siya nga pala,” aniya bigla, “naalala ko lang—’di ba ang Nutcracker Recital mo gaganapin na sa Friday? Paano ’yun, hindi ka sasayaw sa Midnight ng Friday?”
Ngayon lang tuluyang nag-sink in sa akin. Oo nga pala. I almost forgot—same day ng recital ko ang performance ko sa Midnight.
“Ahm, hapon naman ’yung recital. I think hanggang 8:00 PM lang ’yun, makakahabol pa tayo,” sagot ko.
“Huh? Paano ’yun, mag-e-excuse ka na naman na makikitulog ka sa condo ko?” tanong niya, nag-aalalang tono.
“Hindi,” sagot ko, may kumpiyansang ngiti. “Gawin natin ’yung ginawa natin last time.”
“Magsneak out ka na naman sa kwarto mo ng midnight? Naku, ’yung last week nga halos atakihin ako sa takot sa ginawa natin—tapos balak mo pang ulitin?”
I rolled my eyes at her. “Kaya ka lang naman natakot kasi late kang dumating! Muntikan na tayong mahuli dahil sa’yo!”
Kinamot niya ang ulo niya at tumawa nang bahagya. “Ay oo nga pala. Sige, promise, hindi ako malalate this time.”
Well, knowing Konah, hindi ako naniniwala sa sinabi niya. Filipino time ’yan lagi. Malamang late pa rin siya that time.
“Basta,” sabi ko, “let’s go with the plan.”
NUTCRACKER RECITAL DAY
Today is the day—I’m the Sugarplum Princess. I’m gonna be the star of the night.
Tahimik akong nagtatali ng ballet shoes ko sa gilid ng backstage. Ito ’yung shoes na binigay sa’kin ni Coach Victoria. I silently prayed na sana magdala ito ng suwerte at maging charm ko para magawa ko nang maayos ang role ko.
“Tss, masyadong pasikat. Kaya lang naman nakuha ’yung main role kasi sipsip kay coach,” ayan na naman sila. Hindi ba sila napapagod kakachismis?
Nilingon ko saglit—si Kelly at ang mga alipores niya. Of course, trying to ruin my night again with their nonsense gossip.
“Siguradong dahil lang sa magulang niya kaya siya favorite ni coach. Kung hindi lang sikat ang mama niya na athlete dati, hindi naman ’yan mananalo sa galing mo, Kelly,” bulong ng isa sa kanila.
Napailing na lang ako at napatawa nang mahina. Grabe, delulu talaga ang mga alipores ni Kelly.
I just finished tying my shoes before checking my phone — may message si Henry.
Bigla kong nakalimutan si Kelly at ang mga alipores niya. Pagkabasa ko ng message ni Henry, agad ko siyang na-miss. Sayang, nasa camp sila ngayon kaya hindi niya ako mapapanood.
Pero okay lang — I’ll give my best tonight. Gusto kong mabalitaan niya na sobrang ganda ng performance ko.
I’m gonna make him proud.
“Okay, just any minute now. Tabitha, are you ready?” tanong ni Coach.
Tumayo ako, ngumiti, at tumango. “Ready!”
This is it — my night, my performance, my stage.
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to this year’s Ballet Recital, a celebration of grace, discipline, and artistry. Tonight, our dancers will bring to life timeless stories through movement, expressing emotions words cannot capture.”
Isang malalim na buntong hininga ang aking iginawad, kasabay nito ang mabilis na pagtibok ng aking puso.
My freezing hands trembled as it was about to start. Glancing at the audience, my weak heart tends to feeble. Hindi naman ito ang unang beses kong gagawin ito, pero bakit sobra pa ’rin ang aking kaba?
I closed my eyes. Amidst the fear spreading through me, I whispered, “You can do this, Tabi.” I can do this.
“You’re always the greatest, my Tabi.” My mother’s voice echoed in my mind, washing away every trace of doubt and fear within me
I opened my eyes, You’re the greatest Tabitha.
“Each step, each leap, each turn is the result of dedication and passion, and we are honored to share this performance with you.” With a smile, I stepped onto the wide stage, facing hundreds of eyes eagerly waiting to witness my performance.
“The Nutcracker!”
Applause filled the auditorium, students, parents, and guests all waiting. There was no room for failure, not tonight. This recital was mine.
“The stage is mine,” I whispered, and in that moment, like my mother before me, I claimed it.
The music started playing, it was
The Nutcracker, Op 71: Overture.
A surge of happiness bursts within me as all eyes fall on me, the thrill of owning the stage, the rush of attention, the purest form of joy I know.
I love this feeling. I love being admired, cherished, and desired.
This feeling began the first time I saw my mother on stage, that day changed my life. I wanted to be like her. I wanted fame, love, and power. I wanted it all.
Gusto ko ang lahat ng ito, and still, I keep craving for more.
As the recital came to an end and I took my final step, the auditorium erupted with cheers and applause. Hawak kamay, kasama ang aking mga castmate.
We did a splendid job, kitang-kita naman sa reaksyon ng mga audience.
“Woah! Sobrang galing mo, Tabi!!!” Nangibabaw ang boses ng bestfriend kong si Konah sa kabila ng ingay sa loob ng auditorium. Hindi ko napigilang matawa habang nakikita siyang nagtatalon, hawak-hawak ang bouquet ng purple roses.
Sabay-sabay kaming nag-bow ng mga castmates ko bago tuluyang nagsara ang curtain ng stage.
“Splendid, excelencio!!!” malakas na sigaw ng director-slash-coach namin na si Ma’am Victoria. She moves with elegance, speaks with wisdom, and above all, carries an eternal beauty within her.
Isa-isa niyang niyakap ang mga castmates ko, hanggang sa umabot siya sa akin na nakatayo sa pinakadulo.
“My Barbie, the star of the show, you’re shining, iha. I’m so proud of you,” she said, bago inabot ang bouquet ng tulips sa akin at niyakap ng mahigpit. “Thank you coach, I wouldn’t be able to do it without you.” I whispered.
Hinarap niya ako at inayos ang medyo nagulo kong buhok. “You’re a star,” she repeated, then gave my shoulder a gentle tap before turning to face us all.
“Okay, this calls for a celebration!”
“Yes!” nagsigawan ang lahat, pero pansin ko ang masamang tingin na ibinabato sa akin ni Kelly at ang mga alipores nito, they don’t like it. Ayaw nilang pinupuri ako. “Tabi, you’re coming, right?” tanong ni David sa akin, ang gumanap na nutracker sa recital namin.
Again, I glance at those girls before I answer David’s question. “ Ahm, I might not come tonight, my parents are waiting for me at home. Kayo na lang muna.“ ngumiti ako bago naglakad papunta sa dressing room.
“Buti nga hindi siya sasama. Like, as if, masyado na namang diba-diba, star na naman siya ng gabi pag nand’yan siya.”
Bago pa man ako makapasok sa dressing room, sadyang pinarinig nina Kelly ang comment nila tungkol sa sagot ko.
I just rolled my eyes and entered the room—like I’d waste my time on them. Isa pa, may mas importante akong kailangang gawin ngayong gabi.
Facing the mirror, a fleeting smile crossed my lips.
Tonight did not end here. I quickly changed before stepping out of the dressing room. Dumiretso ako sa parking lot, kung saan naghihintay si Konah sa loob ng kanyang pearl white Chery Tiggo.
“Konahrie Valdez!” sambit ko pagpasok sa passenger seat.
“Clouise Tabitha Jimenez!” bati niya pabalik. Nagkatitigan kami sandali bago siya sumigaw at bigla akong niyakap, sabay may kasamang pag-alog.
“Aray ko!” reklamo ko habang natawa.
“Ang galing-galing mo kanina, grabe! Bestfriend kita??? Isa kang totoong manika, alam mo ba? Buong buhay ko, never kong ipagkakaila na mas maganda ka sa akin, kainis! I’m proud of you, tangina!”
I slapped her arm as she started cursing. “Alam mo, ang dami mong pambobolang sinasabi ngayon. Just take me home.”
She finally let go of me and smiled. “Yes, ma’am, as you wish. Pasalamat ka na lang talaga at bestfriend mo ako.” she said before starting the engine. “Ano na lang gagawin ko pag wala ang isang Konahrie sa buhay ko.”
“Buti alam mo!” She said and we laughed.
She drop me off in front of the house gate, pagkababa ko ibinababa niya ang bintana, “Just give me call.” Sambit niya. I winked at her and ran inside the house. Rinig ko ’din ang pag-alis ng sasakyan ni Konah sa tapat ng gate.
I entered the main door, sumalubong sa akin ang aking pinakamamahal na mama. “Tabi baby, ang galing mo anak ko,” sinalubong ako ng matamis na halik sa pisngi, at sinamahan akong maglakad papunta sa kusina kung saan naghihintay si Daddy sa dining area.
“My princess, how was the recital, my love? “ lumapit at niyakap ko ito bago umupo sa tabi niya. The dinner is already serve in front of us, talagang handa na ang hapunan ako na lang talaga ang hinihintay nila.
They both never eat dinner without me, kaya kailangan kong umuwi ng maaga palagi.
“It was a success dad, sayang hindi kayo nakapunta ni mama, pero don’t worry naiintindihan ko po.” I never felt bad when my parents can’t go watch my recital, they never made me feel less. Kaya walang rason para magtampo ako sa kanila dahil lang sa mga ganung bagay.
“My princess,” Dad kissed the back of my palm and looked at my mom. “What did we do to deserve an angel like her,” he whispered and my mother chuckled. “Sa akin kasi nagmana yang anak mo.” She teased him.
Dad just defeatedly shook his head and agreed. We enjoyed our dinner together and I went to my room after to take a shower.
Paglabas ko ng banyo, may kumatok sa aking pinto at unti-unti itong bumukas. “Ma?” It was my mother in her nightgown and robe. “You forget to drink your meds, sweetie.” she said, dala-dala nito ang medication ko at isang bottled water.
Oo nga pala, nakalimutan ko. “Thank you ma, nakalimutan kong mag take kanina, sorry.”
“Tabitha, wag mong kasanayan na nakakalimutan mong inumin ang gamot mo ah, remember what your tito Lynus said, kahit na magaling kana, it’s better if you take good care of yourself. Mahirap na anak.”
Puno ng pag-aalala ang sambit niya. “I know, Ma. Sorry po,” I replied before taking my meds. When I was done, she gently tucked me into bed, just like she always did when I was a child.
“Goodnight Tabi, I’m proud of you,” she whispered and kissed my forehead before she turned off the light, “Goodnight ma,” and closed the door of my room.
“One… two… three… four… five…” I whispered breathlessly, waiting for the noise outside my room to fade, bago ko iminulat ang mga mata ko. Siniguro ko munang nasa kwarto na ang mga magulang ko bago ako dahan-dahang bumangon.
I grab my phone and texted,
Tumayo ako at maingat na kumilos, doing my best not to make a single sound. Dahan-dahan akong naglakad papunta sa walk-in closet at kinuha ang black leather tote bag na naglalaman ng lahat ng kailangan ko.
Pagbalik ko, marahan kong hinila ang rope na nakatago sa ilalim ng kama, at lumabas papunta sa terrace ng kwarto ko.
I eased myself out through the window, descending on the rope tucked under the mattress, every movement slow and soundless. sinisigurong walang ingay na maririnig sila mama. Nang makalabas, mabilis pero kontrolado ang bawat hakbang ko hanggang sa makarating ako sa likurang gate ng bahay, kung saan naghihintay ang sasakyan ni Konah, nakaparada sa gilid.
“Buti naman, hindi ka late ngayon.” Kumento ko, dahil may record ito na lagi akong nauuna dito sa likod kesa sa kanya.
“Hoy, hindi na ngayon noh, isa pa nandyan lang ako sa malapit, hindi na ako umuwi sa condo ko, ano, tara?” tumango ako bilang sagot, bago inayos ang seatbelt ng passenger seat.
“Siya nga pala, medyo nag viral ka na naman, nakita mo na ba?” kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya. “Huh? Saan?” tanong ko.
Kinuha nito ang cellphone na nakakabit sa phone holder ng sasakyan niya, inabot ito sa akin kung saan nakaflash sa screen ang isang tik tok video ko na kuha mula sa audience, kung saan sa akin lamang ito nakatutok at may caption na, “Real life barbie of Belle University.”
Sinabayan ni Konah ang pagbasa ko, bago ngumisi, “Sobrang famous mo na talaga, isipin mo one hour pa lang pinost yung video, may 589k na heart, 3k na comments 2k saved video and 5k na shares, grabe!!! Pati sa instagram.”
Hindi ko mapigilang mapangisi, hindi ko naman ipagkakaila na gusto ko yung natatanggap kong fame dahil sa pagbaballet ko. I love to be loved.
“Bakit kasi hindi ka na tumanggap ng mga endorsement mula sa mga brands, ang dami namang offers sayo, kesa ginagawa pa natin ito gabi-gabi,” she said.
The smile written in my face faded, “Hindi pwede Konah, alam mong gusto ko itong ginagawa ko.” seryoso kong sambit.
She rolled her eyes and sighs, “Fine, sabi mo eh. Sana lang talaga hindi tayo mahuli ng mga magulang mo, kung hindi yari tayo!”
Hindi ’yan, they won’t find out. They should never know.
“It’s midnight! You know what that means, have your money ready! Tonight, I give you the one and only… our dazzling Midnight Ballerina! “
The music begins to play, “Aquamarine, honey, dive into me.” I let the rhythm seep into my veins, moving in perfect sync with the song before stepping fully onto the stage.
Here, under the blinding lights, I am adored. Desired. Worshipped. Lust itself made flesh. Every gaze clings to me, drawn, helpless. I am power, and no one dares look away.
No one… except him.
That man. Sitting there, deliberately ignoring me.
How dare he? How dare he turn his eyes elsewhere!
DAWNVELLICHOR
11- 08- 2025
CHAPTER 5 (THOSE EYES
) WILL DROPS ON SATURDAY NOVEMBER 15, 2025 09:30PM
CHAPTER FIVE : THOSE EYES
“Even the brightest star can be eclipsed by the one pair of eyes that refuses to look her way.” -
Oscar Wilde
THOSE EYES
TABITHA
“It’s midnight! You know what that means, have your money ready! Tonight, I give you the one and only… our dazzling Midnight Ballerina! “
The music begins to play, “Aquamarine, honey, dive into me.” I let the rhythm seep into my veins, moving in perfect sync with the song before stepping fully onto the stage.
Here, under the blinding lights, I am adored. Desired. Worshipped. Lust itself made flesh. Every gaze clings to me, drawn, helpless. I am power, and no one dares look away.
No one… except him.
That man. Sitting there, deliberately ignoring me.
How dare he? How dare he turn his eyes elsewhere!
The grim in my eyes deepened as I glanced around. Every man in the room was watching me, desiring every move I made, except for the only pair of eyes I wanted. A sharp wave of irritation hit me as I tried to capture this man’s attention.
Why isn’t he looking? I’m on stage.
What is he thinking?
I never get mad over things like this. Walang ibang lalake ang hindi nakatutok sa akin tuwing sumasayaw ako. All eyes are always on me—that’s how it should be.
But as the music neared its end, he still didn’t move a muscle. Not even a single glance. Not even a flicker.
What the hell, why am I this annoyed?
How dare he!?
Natapos ang music at nagpalakpakan ang lahat, pero nanatiling nakapako ang mga mata ko sa kanya. Ni hindi man lang nakuha ng malakas na hiyawan at palakpakan ang atensyon niya—para bang wala siyang ibang naririnig. Ang titig niya ay nakadiretso lamang sa isang hallway sa itaas ng bar.
Sinundan ko ang direksyong iyon, at doon ko lang narealize: ang daan papunta sa VVIP room ang tinitingnan niya.
What’s in there?
Ano bang meron doon na mas nakakaakit ng pansin niya kaysa sa presensya ko sa gitna ng stage?
“Rudy, hoy, halika na dito, tapos na!” sigaw ni Nana, pero nanatili akong nakatayo sa gitna ng stage, desperadong hinihintay na lumingon sa akin ang mga matang iyon.
But the longer I wait, the more he irritates me—he’s not even moving. Eyes glued to that stupid hall.
“Fuck!” I spat under my breath.
“Huy, ano ba! Halika na bago ka pa pagkaguluhan diyan.” Biglang sumulpot si Nana sa likuran ko at mabilis akong hinila papunta backstage. Doon ko lang napansin kung gaano karaming lalaki ang nakatayo sa harap ng stage.
“Ruby, come on, darling! Let me have you and you can get all my money!”
“One million Ruby, just one night with me, sweetie!!!”
“Let me have a date with you Ruby!!!”
Doon ko lang narealize na pinagkakaguluhan na pala ako—stacks of money being pushed into my hands. What the fuck, Tabi? Nawala ka sa sarili mo dahil lang sa lalaking iyon. Shit. Nakakainis.
Pabalibag akong umakyat sa dressing room kung saan naghihintay si Konah.
“Oh? Anong nangyari sa’yo? Bakit nakasimangot ka d’yan?” tanong niya habang umuupo sa tabi ko.
I looked at her and sighed. “Kainis,” I whispered.
“Huh? Bakit ka naiinis?”
Huminga ako nang malalim bago tumingin sa repleksyon ko sa salamin. I look beautiful tonight. So why isn’t he looking? Hay, bakit ba ako sobrang affected sa lalaking iyon? He’s not even that handsome.
Isa pa, pakialam ko ba kung hindi siya nakatingin? Bakit ako ganito ka-irritated? I tried to understand this strange annoyance, siguro dahil hindi ako sanay na may hindi ko naaagaw na atensyon.
Forget about him, Tabi. The night should be fun for you.
“Nothing, ok na ako,” sabi ko, bagay na agad nagpakunot ng noo ni Konah.
“Huh?” iyon lang ang nasabi niya, halatang nalilito sa kung anong nangyayari sa’kin.
I forced myself to wash the thought of that man out of my mind and focus on tonight’s earnings, na kasalukuyang ipinapasok sa office ni Mamang.
“Ruby, come here, iha!!!” sigaw ni Mamang mula sa loob. Tumayo kami ni Konah at pumasok, kasunod si Nana.
We helped count the sacks of money, and a wide smile stretched across our faces after tallying and dividing everything.
“Wag na wag ka nang aalis sa club na ’to, Ruby,” ani Mamang habang tumatawa. “Ikaw ata ang lucky charm na hinihintay namin. Tignan mo, habang tumatagal ka dito, palaki nang palaki ang perang naidadala ng bawat giling mo sa club natin. Oh, ito ang share mo tonight, galingan mo ulit sa susunod, ah.”
He tapped my shoulder before giving me a quick peck on the cheek.
Dala ang mga pera, lumabas si Mamang ng office at dumiretso sa head office.
“Ang galing mo, Ruby,” ani Nana habang palabas na rin kami. “Pero kanina, bakit parang natulala ka sa stage after ng sayaw mo? Tsaka yung huling part, parang nawala ka sa mood. Bakit?”
“Wala ho, may naisip lang ako. Sige po, mauna na ho kami.”
Hindi na siya nakapagtanong pa ulit dahil mabilis ko nang hinila si Konahrie palabas ng exit door.
“Anong iniisip mo?” tanong ni Konah habang literal ko siyang hinihila.
“Wala.” I said before heading inside the car.
Naguguluhan siyang sumakay sa driver’s seat. “Hindi ako naniniwala. Ano nga nangyari sa’yo sa stage? Nahilo ka ba? Sumama ba pakiramdam mo? Yung puso mo? Uminom ka naman ng gamot kanina, ah.”
Bigla siyang nag-alala at marahang hinawakan ang mga kamay ko.
I sighed. “It was nothing. Naisip ko lang na I really love performing on that stage, kaya nawala ako sa focus. I just… took a moment to appreciate the feeling.” Pagpapalusot ko, sabay lingon sa bintana para iwasan ang tingin niya.
“Ahh, yun pala yun. Okay, let’s go home. Inaantok na ako,” she yawned before starting the engine.
Pa-exit na kami sa parking sa likuran ng bar nang makita ko ang lalaking iyon kanina. Now I can clearly see him in the light—kanina kasi, the red dim lights were blurring my view of him. I only saw those eyes that refused to look in my direction.
But now, I see him crystal clear.
He’s standing beside the smoking area, wearing a black suit and tie, an earpiece tucked in his left ear. He’s smoking—calm, composed. He looks so neat… and tall.
His light skin perfectly matches the black suit he’s wearing. I can see a tattoo hidden beneath the sleeve, just a hint of ink peeking through whenever his arm lifts as he smokes.
As he stood, it was clear that a well-built body was hidden beneath that suit.
He has those tranquil eyes, a defined face and sharp jawline, a pointed nose, thin upper lip, his entire presence radiates mystery and an unshakeable aura. He’s just standing there, utterly unbothered, like the world could fall apart and he wouldn’t flinch.
And still… bakit ako naiinis pa rin?
My lips parted when he finally moved, turning toward the door beside him. I watched him flick his cigarette away, stand upright, and focus intently on the person stepping out of that doorway.
My heart began racing as curiosity pulled me in. Who is he looking at?
Who could hold his attention so completely… to the point na ni isang tingin ay hindi niya maibigay sa akin habang nasa stage ako?
What a loyal guy?!
I was about to see who he was looking at when a wall suddenly blocked my view and Konahrie sped out of the area.
“Konah!” I hissed, frustration bursting out of me. Ayun na eh—malapit ko na siyang makita!
“Bakit?” gulat niyang tanong.
Napabagsak ang balikat ko habang napasandal ako sa upuan. Huminga ako nang malalim. “Wala,” I said, then closed my eyes.
Why am I so invested in that man? I don’t even know him.
Forget about it, Tabi.
Stop thinking about those eyes.
“Nababaliw ka na tonight. Kailangan mo nang itulog ’yan,” Konah muttered.
“Siguro nga,” I agreed.
I can’t believe I lost my composure just because of my dumb curiosity over that guy.
Who is he, anyway?
Nothing.
He’s nothing.
“Henry!” I shouted the moment I saw my boyfriend after a few days. He stepped out of the campus bus, fresh from camp training—still looking as handsome as eve—
Natigil ang pagda-daydream ko nang mapansin kong may bumababa ring iba mula sa bus.
Evelyn.
That girl.
Why is she inside the camp bus?
“Baby, I so damn miss you,” Henry said as he lifted me up the moment he reached me, hugging me tightly. But my eyes stayed locked on that girl laughing with the other kids who stepped out of the bus—someone who wasn’t supposed to be there.
Why is she there?
“I miss you,” he said as he set me down, kissing my forehead before smiling at me. I looked back at him, still distracted, still trying to process why she was on that bus.
“Namiss mo ba ako?” he asked.
I nodded absentmindedly and glanced at Evelyn again.
“Why is she in there?” I finally asked.
Henry looked back and spotted Evelyn. “Oh, pumunta siya kahapon sa camp kasama ang parents nila ni Seth to drop off extra training supplies. Tapos iniwan na siya doon para tumulong mag-serve ng food. Ngayon, sinabay na lang namin siya pa-uwi.”
“She slept at the camp?”
“Yeah, kasama ng sports committee sa admin cottage. Why do you ask?”
He cupped my cheeks and smiled.
“Curious lang,” sagot ko, choosing to ignore her presence. I turned back to my boyfriend and smiled. “You owe me a date.”
“Of course, my sugarplum princess, any date you want,” he said before kissing my forehead again and walking with me back to campus.
That’s nothing to be worried about, Tabi.
“Ok, third wheel na naman pala ang ending ko dahil bumalik na yung kabit mo,” Konahrie said, rolling her eyes at my boyfriend who just arrived at the cafeteria in his basketball jersey, carrying the coffees he ordered from the stall.
“The mistress is back, I guess,” Henry said, riding along with Konah’s teasing—mas lalo tuloy siyang nainis.
“How was morning training? Grabe, habang papalapit yung finals, mas kinukuha na ng training mo ang oras mo sa acads. Ok lang ba ang grades mo niyan?” tanong ko, puno ng pag-aalala.
“Don’t worry, babe, I can do this. My grades are fine,” he said while opening a straw for my drink. He placed it in my cup and handed it to me. Ginawa niya rin iyon kay Konah.
“Your drink,” he uttered.
“Thanks,” Konah said, still acting tough and mataray.
Henry just chuckled at her and we started eating. “Yung date pala na utang ko sa’yo… ay date pala nating tatlo,” pabiro niyang sambit.
“Hayaan mo na, she’s single. Kawawa naman siya pag hindi natin siya isama,” I playfully whispered.
“Hello, naririnig ko kaya kayong dalawa!” tawa ni Konah, at mas lalo lang namin siyang tinukso. She started sulking as she took a bite of her bread.
“Ahhhh!” napalingon kami nang may marinig na commotion sa labas ng cafeteria—may mga babaeng nagkakagulo sa labas.
“Anong meron?” At dahil may pagkamarites si Konahrie, humaba ang leeg nito kakasilip sa labas.
I was just looking when Henry spoke. “Girls seem to be going crazy over this new guy.”
I looked at him with curious eyes. “New guy?”
He nodded, smiling a little. “Yes. There’s this new guy who just joined the university. He’s also joining the taekwondo team. I heard he was famous in his previous school, and now he’s instantly famous here because of his reputation—kumalat agad sa campus.”
“So kami lang ni Konah ang walang balita tungkol sa new guy na ’yan? Ano ba itsura? Gwapo ba?” Konah asked.
“Check him out,” Henry said, pursing his lips toward the entrance.
Lumingon kami ni Konah—at sakto namang pumasok ang isang lalaki sa loob ng cafeteria, and instantly, he stole everyone’s attention the moment he stepped inside.
He’s wearing our university Type A uniform—the white dress shirt with a black tie loosely hanging around his neck, un-neatly knotted. Over it, he has a black windbreaker jacket, paired with the Type A pants.
And on his feet? Just a pair of worn-out Nike Panda Dunk Lows.
From where we’re seated, we can only see his side profile. I can’t make out his full face, but his build is unmistakable—well-formed, not bulky, just defined. And he’s tall. Very tall.
“Ay, shet, gwapo nga,” Konahrie whispered.
I glanced at her, then looked back—curiosity pulling me in again.
My lips parted when I instantly recognized those eyes.
It’s him.
The guy from the club.
Parang may bumara sa lalamunan ko nang marealize kong tama ako. It was him.
Naglalakad siya papalapit sa pwesto namin, and my heart started pounding uncontrollably with every step he took. I’ve never encountered anyone from the club in my normal, daily life. This is the first time I’ve seen one outside that world.
This can’t be happening.
I don’t know why, pero habang papalapit siya, I found myself expecting—almost waiting —for him to look at me.
And he did.
Our eyes met.
I felt completely suffocated the moment those eyes landed on me.
Now he’s looking.
Papalapit siya ng papalapit, and as he walked past us, I saw him glare at me and… “Tsk.” He hissed. He hissed at us. What!!!
“Hoy, ang rude naman pala niya, pero solid sa kagwapuhan ah,” Konah commented.
Sandali… did he just glare at me?! What is wrong with him?
That instantly boiled my blood. Sa hindi malamang dahilan, bigla akong nakaramdam ng matinding inis sa lalaking iyon. Who does he think he is?!
Ang kapal ng mukha niya—hindi ba niya ako kilala?!
“Babe, are you ok? Bakit nakasimangot ka?” tanong ni Henry.
Bigla akong bumalik sa sarili ko, pinilit itago ang frustration, at ngumiti sa kanya. “No, I just frowned because I wasted my time on that guy… e mas gwapo naman itong kaharap ko.”
Namula ang tenga ni Henry sa sinabi ko, at agad niyang itinago ang kilig.
“Ewww, arghh, nakakasuka! Makaalis na nga, sige na, mag-date na kayo!” Konah said, walking away.
Nagkatinginan kami ni Henry at tumawa na lang.
“Finally, masososlo na kita,” he joked.
“Hahaha,” I laughed—every time I’m with him, it’s always filled with laughter.
I stole glances at that guy. He was looking at us.
What?! Why is he looking now?!
With those eyes.
Days passed by, and Henry became super busy with his training—as in super busy—halos hindi na kami nagkakausap at nagkikita.
“Huy, lungkot mo dyan?” David asked as he sat beside me.
Habang hinihilot ko ang left leg ko, ngumiti ako sa kanya. “Halata ba masyado?” sambit ko.
“Oo, kitang-kita sa mukha mo na miss na miss mo na boyfriend mo,” he teased.
“Totoo. I miss him so much. I wish matapos na agad ang finals para masolo ko na siya ulit,” ani ko.
Agad namang nagiba ang ngiti ni David.
“Edi, walang katapusan bambang ’yan after finals,” he said.
I laughed hard. “No, we’re not like that. He respects me,” I said.
Agad gumuhit ang gulat sa mukha ni David.
“Really? You guys haven’t done it yet? Ever?” tanong niya.
Medyo conscious akong sumagot sa una, pero tumango ako.
“Totoo. Hindi niyo pa ginagawa? Ang tagal niyo na ah. As in, hindi ka ba niya inaaya?”
“No, he respects me. I know he did, and he’s not that hungry for sex. He’s a gentleman… and a man of his word.”
“Wow, Prince Charming talaga ang dating ni Capt. Pero ikaw ba? Wala ka bang balak i-reward ang bataan sa kanya? I mean, I’m a born man, and kahit gay ako, I know men have needs. I’m sure he still has his needs,” he said.
That made me realize—oo nga noh.
That night, when we were making out, nadala siya, and we almost did it. Maybe, sobrang nagti-tiis siya.
“Ahm, I don’t know… maybe when I’m 18,” I said, half out of myself.
“Huy, malapit na ang birthday mo ahhh! Oh my gosh, that means you’re close to giving him the dignity ahhh—hmp!”
I covered his mouth and tried to hide my smile.
Siguro nga, this is the right time para isipin ang mga ganitong bagay. Henry has his needs, and I can give that to him—at the right time. After my birthday.
That thought cleared out all the missing I feel for him. Bigla akong napaisip ng maraming paraan kung paano iyon mangyayari, at paano ko sasabihin sa kanya pagkatapos ng birthday ko.
Suddenly, I became excited for my birthday—and for him.
He’s the most loyal boyfriend in the world. He deserves it.
Him being my first… it would be such a romantic love story. My first… my everything.
After ballet training, I went home early and stayed in my room until supper. I ate with my parents, followed the usual routine, and before midnight, I sneaked out and headed to the club.
“Konah, sana swertehin tayo ngayong gabi. Mas marami nang VIP, ibig sabihin, mas maraming kita dapat ah,” bulong ni Mamang bago niya ako iharap sa likod ng pulang kurtina.
I nodded, and with confidence, I stepped onto the stage—ready to own it.
But as soon as I started dancing, I saw him again—in that same spot, staring at the hallway.
That guy.
He’s here again. I tried focusing on my performance, but no matter how much I moved, he didn’t even glance at me. Not once.
Natapos muli ang performance ko without getting the attention I wanted.
What’s wrong with him? Ano ba ang ginagawa niya dito?!
He’s a student—that means he’s still my age. Sure, he must be using a pass to enter this club too.
I stepped off the stage, greeted by Nana and Mamang.
“Ay, bongga ka talaga, mukhang malaki na naman ang kit—”
Hindi ko na sila pinatapos magsalita nang makita kong tumayo mula sa kinauupuan niya siya at naglakad papunta sa taas.
Sa hallway na tinitingnan niya.
“Excuse me po, I need to use the restroom,” I excused myself and hurried past them.
“Huh? Bakit dyan? May C.R. naman sa dressing room, Ruby,” Nana said.
“This can’t wait anymore,” I replied.
“Ano daw?” I heard Mamang ask.
“Ewan, English eh,” Nana shrugged.
Binalewala ko silang dalawa at dali-daling dinala ng mga paa ko ang sarili ko papunta sa restroom area.
Nasa hallway pa lang ako nang matanaw ko siya—sa girls’ C.R. He was standing inside the—
Natigilan ako nang biglang may babae na tinulak siya sa pader at agad hinalikan.
I gasped in silence and froze.
The lady looked far older than us. Kahit nakaharap ako sa kanyang likod, alam kong sobra siyang edad—way older. A middle-aged woman.
I was stunned by what I was seeing… but my heart nearly stopped when I saw him.
He looked at me… while making out with the lady.
What in the actual… fuck is happening?!
That scene never left my mind the whole night, and now, wala akong tulog, nakatulala sa tabi ni Konah.
“Aba, lutang ka ba, Tabi? Tinatanong ko kung anong oras tayo manunuod ng laban ni Henry sa finals?”
Hindi ko maintindihan ang mga sinasabi ni Konah. I was completely out of focus. Shit!
Hindi pa ako nakakacope nang makita ko siyang naglalakad sa labas. That guy… he was walking across campus like he doesn’t fucking care about the world.
“Konah,” I uttered.
“Oh? Bakit?” tanong niya.
“What’s his name?”
“Nino?”
“That guy—the new guy,” I said, pointing at him.
Lumingon si Konah at agad napangisi. “Ayon sa source ko, ang name niya ay—”
How dare she stop before telling me the name?!
“What?!” I exclaimed, unable to wait any longer.
“Ronan Cain Fierro. Ahh, pangalan palang yummy na, makalaglag panty, noh!!!” she said, clearly kinikilig.
“Ronan,” I breathlessly whispered.
DAWNVELLICHOR
11- 15- 2025
CHAPTER 6 (RONAN
) WILL DROPS ON SATURDAY NOVEMBER 22, 2025 09:30PM
CHAPTER SIX : RONAN
“The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious.” — Albert Einstein
RONAN
TABITHA
“Woahhh, go Belle, go go go Belle University! We fight, we rise, we win!” malakas na dagundong ng cheer ang namumuo sa loob ng basketball court. Kulay dilaw at kulay kahel ang naglalaban.
Maraming tao ang sabik na manalo ang kanilang team; mainit na agad ang court kahit hindi pa nagsisimula ang laro. Everyone is cheering for the team, habang ako naman ay tila wala sa aking sarili—I’m completely distracted by a certain presence in the crowd.
That guy, Ronan. He’s on the other side of the court, also watching the game. But my mind keeps wandering. What is he doing in that club? Is he some sort of bodyguard or something? Ilang araw na ang lumipas pero paulit-ulit lang ang nakikita ko—siya, nakabantay sa hallway buong gabi.
Dahil doon, mas lalo akong nacu-curious sa kanya—what is he doing? And bakit nandito siya sa campus? Why is he so hard to read, so hard to know? Wala akong mahagilap na impormasyon tungkol sa kanya maliban sa pangalan niya… at na gwapo siya.
That’s the only source that matters for the girls who stalk him.
“Ehem. Tabi, hello? Earth to Tabitha? Kanina pa ako nagsasalita dito. Bakit lutang ka na naman?” Bumalik ako sa aking sarili nang hampasin ni Konah ang hita ko, sabay irap niya sa akin.
“Sorry… ano sabi mo?” tanong ko. Pasinghal siyang umirap bago iniabot ang hawak na yellow balloon.
“Ang sabi ko, mag-cheer ka dahil malapit na mag-start. At boyfriend mo ang team captain ng school natin.” she emphasized the fact.
I smiled at her and accepted the balloon. “Yeah, I’m just spacing out dahil I didn’t get enough sleep last night. Pero alam ko namang boyfriend ko ang team captain—kaya nga ito ang suot ko, diba?” Ipinakita ko ang suot kong jersey, pinasadya ko talaga ito para sa finals.
It’s a jersey with his surname at the back and his number printed boldly. I even made a banner for him.
“‘Go Boyfriend, No. 1, you’re mine,’” basa ni Konah sa banner na ginawa ko. “Ang corny. Eww.” she teases. Natawa ako at pumikit-sabay-ikot ng mata.
Tumunog na ang buzzer—sign na magsisimula na ang finals.
Malakas na palakpakan at sigawan ang umalingawngaw sa buong court. They introduced the other team, at isa-isa nang pumasok sa court ang mga players mula sa kalaban.
“Huy, ang gwapo din talaga ng mga players mula sa kabilang team. Shems,” komento ni Konah.
I glance at her with a disbelieving smile—kahit saan talaga ito. “Remember, our team is color yellow. Baka ma–color blind ka diyan.”
Her ears seemed to hear me, but her eyes definitely weren’t listening—they were roaming shamelessly over the bulges on the shorts of the opposing players. Ang bastos talaga nito. I just shake my head and focus.
“Let’s hear your cheer for Belle University!!!” sigaw ng MC. Tumayo ako at buong lakas na sumigaw, “Let’s go, Babe!!!” Ramdam ko ang kirot sa lalamunan ko sa kakahiyaw pero hindi ko iyon ininda. I kept shouting, jumping, and flashing my banner the moment Henry stepped onto the court.
Agad siyang lumingon sa puwesto namin. “Let’s go, babe!!!” sigaw ko ulit. He saw me, read my banner, and blew me a flying kiss. That instantly gave me butterflies—he’s so swee—
“Omg, he’s looking at you, besh,” bulong ng isang babae sa likuran namin, giggling.
Napatigil ako. Dahan-dahan akong lumingon, and my lips parted when I saw Evelyn and her friends, nagkikikay na parang sila ang pinadalhan ng flying kiss.
“Sino ’yan? Assumera,” bulong ni Konah, sabay masamang tingin sa grupo nila Evelyn.
“Don’t mind them,” I uttered and turned my attention back to the court.
“Akala nila sa kanila ang flying kiss ng boyfriend mo. Akala lang nila yun. Mga kabataan ngayon, ang lalandi,” patuloy na sumbat ni Konah. Hinayaan ko na lang siya at hinanap ko si Henry sa court.
He was already talking to his team, and as I was about to sit properly, napatingin ako sa kabilang side ng court—wala na si Ronan sa kinauupuan niya kanina. Where is he?
Baka umalis na. Focus, Tabi. Hindi siya ang pinunta mo dito. It’s your boyfriend’s finals. Focus.
“Lock in na, mag-start na ang game. Shit, sana manalo sila!!! Kinakabahan ako!!!” ani Konah. Tumango ako at sumang-ayon. Deep inside, I was praying—really praying—for his success.
The game started, and the first set was a strong start for the other team. They kept stealing the ball and shouting after every three-point shot. It was not a good start for us. Kita ko ang pag-init ng dugo ni Henry sa court.
I know him—he hates losing. Kaya siguradong babawi siya. I kept praying until the first quarter ended, with the opposing team leading by two. Pinanood ko siyang kausapin ang teammates niya, all serious and locked in.
My hands tightened around the banner as the second quarter began. He was in full serious mode now. He kept getting the ball, scoring over and over. My heart beat faster, hindi ko mapigilang mamangha sa angking galing ni Henry sa basketball.
He’s really the ace of the team—halos lahat ng puntos nanggagaling sa kanya. And now, they were finally leading. “Yes, babe, show them,” I uttered.
When he made a three-point shot, sigawan ang buong court.
“Yes, go number one, let’s go!!!” malakas na sigaw ni Evelyn.
Henry glanced at my direction and smiled—something the girls behind us immediately misinterpreted. Nagtilian sila, inaasar si Evelyn, convinced that my boyfriend was flirting with her.
“Wow, kapal ng mukha. Ganda niyan,” komento ni Konah habang nakatingin nang masama sa mga babae sa likuran. “Itong mga batang ’to, hindi ba nila alam na girlfriend yung tao? Ang lalandi talaga.”
“Hayaan mo na, hinahangaan lang naman nila si Henry. Let them be,” I replied.
Umikot siya ng mata. “Tss. Hindi mo alam ang panahon ngayon. Ang mundo ay bilog—hindi mo alam, nasa ilalim ka na.”
Nakunot lang ang noo ko at bumalik sa panonood. Last quarter na—ito na ang huling laban. Please, let him win.
I kept praying, even closing my eyes as the time ticked down.
Lamang ng isa ang kabilang team. Please, habulin mo, Henry. I know you can do it. Please.
Mariin kong ipinikit ang aking mga mata, hinihintay ang pagtunog ng buzzer. The game ended, and the court erupted in loud cheers. What’s the result?
Did he win?
“Tabi, open your eyes!” I heard Konah say.
Slowly, I opened them—and I gasped when I saw Henry running toward our seats. My heart skipped a beat when he lifted me up in front of everyone and kissed my forehead just as the announcer declared the winner.
“Belle University wins!!!”
“You win!” I uttered. He set me down and smiled—sweaty, tired, but still just as handsome as the first time I met him. I’m so in love with this man. What more could I wish for?
He’s all I need.
“Congrats, babe. I knew you’d win,” I whispered.
He smiled and nodded. “You’re my lucky charm,” he said before his teammates pulled him back to the court, binuhat siya at naghiyawan nang iabot sa kanya ang trophy.
Nagpalakpakan kami ni Konah and waited for the finals to fully wrap up. Pagkatapos, lumabas kami ng court at pumunta sa cafeteria, doon namin naisip na hintayin si Henry.
An hour later, he showed up—fresh from a shower, clean, at suot pa ang medal niya.
Paglapit niya sa akin, pinasuot niya ang medal sa akin bago umupo sa tabi ko. “Congrats sa ’yo,” bati ni Konah. Henry smiled at her and wrapped his arm around my shoulders.
“It’s because of her. My lucky charm is her,” he said and smiled at me.
“Sus, pinapakilig mo lang ako. I know you’re good already, so stop talking nonsense. So, what’s your plan? Are we celebrating tonight?” I asked, hoping to spend the night with him.
“Ahm, babe… so Seth and the team are throwing a celebration tonight. Can you come with me? Please? We can bring Konah,” he said.
But I didn’t feel like going to a party with his team. Isa pa, I need to go to the club later.
Huminga ako nang malalim at inabot ang binili kong bouquet para sa kanya.
“Ahm, babe… I don’t feel like going to a party tonight,” I said.
“I understand. But babe, I can’t say no to the team. We just won the finals—this is our last before graduating,” he explained.
Tumango ako at ngumiti. “Okay. Just go on your own. Promise, okay lang sa akin. And I know you can handle your liquor—just don’t drink too much, okay?”
His face instantly brightened.
He smiled and nodded. “I promise. And we can celebrate tomorrow—promise me your whole day, okay?” He gently caressed my hand and kissed the back of it. I smiled and nodded. “I love you.”
“I love you more than I love myself,” he whispered. I kissed his cheek and watched him stand up and return to his team.
“Pinayagan mo, kasi may balak ka mamayang gabi, noh,” bulong ni Konah sa akin.
I faced her. “And you’re coming with me,” I said, smirking.
“May choice ba ako?”
“Wala.”
“Sige na, mauna ka na sa loob. I-park ko lang ’tong sasakyan sa kabilang building,” sambit ni Konah habang huminto sa back entrance ng club at in-unlock ang pinto.
I smiled at her. “Dalian mo, ah,” pasimple kong utos.
“Opo, ma’am,” irap pa niya bago ngumiti. I smiled again, pulled my facemask on, and stepped out of the car. Nagmamadali akong naglakad papunta sa staff entrance—when I accidentally bumped into someone.
“Ops, sorry,” I uttered. As I lifted my gaze, a familiar middle-aged woman stood before me—still beautiful despite her age. Elegant. Composed. She moved with the kind of poise you don’t just learn.
“It’s alright, darlin’. Be careful next time,” she said gently before heading toward the VIP entrance at the back.
My eyes stayed glued on her, trying to remember where I’d seen her before… until a familiar build of a man followed her inside. Kahit nakaside view lang, I knew instantly.
It’s Ronan.
He’s here again—and that lady… he’s with her? She was the same woman he was making out with in the restroom. You have got to be kidding me.
Curiosity consumed me. I rushed inside the staff room, completely ignoring my usual routine. Normally, I’d head straight to the dressing room to prep my things and do my makeup—but not tonight.
Instead, I went upstairs to the small window that gave a clear view of the VIP lounge.
From there, I saw the woman settle into the round velvet VVIP area, her guards forming a protective circle around her. I swallowed hard when she signaled for Ronan—
—and he immediately straightened and obeyed her every word.
Nagsenyas ang babae na umupo si Ronan sa tabi niya, at walang pagdadalawang-isip na sumunod si Ronan. I watched as she casually placed a hand on his thigh while sipping her red wine.
Ronan didn’t even flinch. Wala man lang bahagyang pag-urong, parang sanay na sanay siya sa ganitong scenario.
What the actual fuck? Is he some sort of… gigolo? Bell boy? Escort? No way. He’s too young for that. And too… intense.
Kung ano-ano na ang tumatakbo sa isip ko, at hindi ko rin alam kung ano dapat kong maramdaman. The deeper it gets, the messier it becomes.
“Hoy!”
“Ay, messy!!!” halos mapasigaw ako nang biglang sumulpot si Konah sa tabi ko.
“Wow, gulat-na-gulat. Bakit ka nandito? Hindi ba dapat nasa dressing room ka na? Malapit na mag-twelve. Ano’ng tinitingnan mo d’yan?”
I panicked. Bago pa niya makita si Ronan sa baba, agad ko siyang hinila papunta sa dressing room.
“Wala, tinitingnan ko lang kung malaki ang kikitain natin tonight. Mas maraming VIP, mas malaki ang kita, diba?” I said.
Kumunot ang noo niya.
“Usually, wala kang pakialam sa kita. Bakit bigla ka ngayong nagbibilang?”
“Ahm… kasi gusto kong bumili ng regalo para kay Henry,” I answered.
“Ahh, anong regalo nam—”
Hindi niya natapos ang sasabihin dahil dumating si Mamang.
“Erika, ang kapal naman ng mukha mong tumawag matapos kang biglang maglaho dito sa club!!!” galit na sigaw ni Mamang habang may kausap sa phone.
Ericka? Siya yung dating sumasayaw sa main stage na biglang nawala.
Is she coming back?
“Hindi, wala akong maipapautang sa’yo. Kung kailangan mo ng pera, aba, pagtrabahuhan mo,” inis niyang sambit bago tuluyang ibaba ang tawag.
Pagharap niya sa amin, napawi ang iritasyon sa mukha at napalitan ng malapad na ngiti.
“Ruby, my star, tanggalin mo ang stress ko ngayong gabi, ah? Galingan mo at bigyan mo ng malaking kita ang club.”
She even massaged my shoulder, fixed a strand of my hair, and walked straight to her office.
Nagkatinginan kami ni Konah, and she just helped me get ready before we both headed to the backstage a little before midnight.
Habang naghihintay doon, hindi ko maiwasang sumilip muli sa VIP lounge. Nandoon pa rin ang babae—alone this time.
But where is Ronan? Saan siya nagpunta?
“Nana,” tawag ko. Agad niya akong nilingon at lumapit. “Bakit?”
“Who’s that lady in the VIP lounge? Lagi ba ’yan dito?” tanong ko.
Sinundan ni Nana ang tingin ko, and when she spotted the woman, she nodded. “Oo, regular VIP client ’yan dito sa club. Every Friday, nandito ’yan.”
Every Friday? What is she doing here every single week?
“Walang asawa?” tanong ko, brow raised. Because who stays out clubbing every Friday if you’re a married middle-aged woman?
Only a single woman would have that kind of time… right?
“May asawa ’yan,” sagot ni Nana. “Kaibigan pa nga ni bossing ang asawa n’yan. Pero pinsan kasi ni bossing ’yan kaya hinahayaan ang mga kalokohan niya dito.”
“Kalokohan?” I echoed, uneasy.
Tumango si Nana. “Oo, mga kalokohan. Paano—hindi yata nabebembang ng asawa, kaya dito na lagi sa club naghahanap ng lalaki. Ngayon nga, balita namin, may regular boy na raw siya. Kaso hindi namin makita kung sino.”
My lips parted after hearing that.
Ibig sabihin… totoo nga ang iniisip ko. Ronan is the one they’re talking about.
Pero bakit hindi nila siya kilala? Am I the only one who discovered their affair? Oh my gosh.
“Oh siya, tama na ang chika. Sumayaw ka na at kumita ng marami.” Tinulak ako ni Nana sa gitna eksaktong pagbukas ng kurtina, sabay announce ng host ng stage name ko.
Just like usual, I dance and rule the stage. Pero kalahati lang ng utak ko ang nasa performance—yung natitira, paikot-ikot sa mga sinabi ni Nana. Hindi ko mapigilang mag-isip ng kung ano-ano.
I kept glancing at the VIP area, checking if bumalik na si Ronan. But the whole performance almost ended and still, nowhere. Wala man lang anino. She was drinking alone, bored even, until the dance finished and I stood at the main stage, smiling at the men around.
Then I saw her suddenly stand up—panic on her face. Agad siyang inalalayan ng mga guard niya palabas, diretso sa main entrance.
Bakit hindi doon sa side exit? Bakit parang may hinahabol? Bakit parang may tinatakbuhan?
I watched her until she completely disappeared with her guards.
Pero nasaan si Ronan? Was he already waiting outside?
Fuck, this curiosity is killing me. Bumababa na ako ng stage at nagtatalon akong niyakap ni Nana. “Talagang hindi mo kami ipapahiya, Ruby. Ang laki na naman ng kita mo tonight,” she said. Pero wala doon ang atensyon ko.
Dumiretso ako sa dressing room kung saan naghihintay si Konah na tila hindi mapakali. “Anong nangyayari sa’yo?” tanong ko. Namumutla siya at pinagpapawisan.
“Kanina pa kita hinihintay, na-LBM ako. Pwede bang mauna ka na sa sasakyan? Sakit talaga, hindi na ’to aabot sa condo, please!”
“Sige, ilabas mo na ’yan, hintayin kita sa sasakyan. Akin na ang susi.” Inabot niya sa akin ang susi at dali-daling tumakbo papunta sa CR.
I know Konah— it would take an hour for her to finish that. Kaya dumiretso ako sa office ni Mamang, kinuha ang hati ko sa kinita ngayong gabi, at lumabas ng club.
I was out wearing my face mask, carrying my bag, naglalakad papunta sa kabilang building kung saan patagong nag-park si Konah, nang makarinig ako ng komosyon sa isang alleyway sa likuran.
Dahan-dahan akong sumilip—at nanigas ako sa kinatatayuan nang makita ko ang anim na maskuladong lalaki na nakapalibot sa isang lalaking nakaluhod, at may isang middle-aged man na nakatayo sa harapan, nakatutok ang baril sa noo ng nakaluhod.
Am I witnessing a murder tonight—wait.
Is that Ronan?! My eyes widened when I realized it was him. Duguan siya at bugbog-sarado. And now he’s about to die, with a pointed gun on his forehead.
Shit, anong gagawin ko?!
“You dare to flirt with my wife, a stupid guy like you?! Do you have any last words before you die, kid?” My heart stopped beating after hearing that.
I can’t just stand here and do nothing. Anong gagawin ko?!
Lord, help me!
Nanginginig kong kinuha ang phone ko. I hurriedly searched for a police car sound, and the moment I found one, I played it in full volume at itinago ang sarili ko sa gilid ng alley.
“Boss, may police! Baka mahuli tayo, kailangan na natin umalis!” one of the guys said.
Mas nilakasan ko pa ang sound at inilapit ang phone sa alley para magmukhang parating na sila.
That made the guys in black panic—agad nilang binitawan si Ronan at inalalayan ang boss nila papunta sa sasakyan.
“Stop seeing my wife, or else you’ll really die.” ’Yun ang huling narinig ko bago sila tuluyang umalis.
Naghintay muna akong siguradong wala na sila bago ako tumayo at tumakbo papunta sa nakahandusay na katawan ni Ronan sa alleyway.
“Hey, are you okay?” Tanong ko habang sinusubukan siyang itayo, pero bigla siyang umubo ng dugo—kaya nanlamig ang buong katawan ko. Shit. He can’t die in my hands right now.
“I’ll bring you to the hospital,” I said, sabay tawag sa ambulance.
“W-who are y-you?” he asked, reaching up as if to pull my mask, but before he could reveal my identity, he passed out.
Safe. Wait—he passed out!!!
“Tulong!!!”
DAWNVELLICHOR
11- 23- 2025
CHAPTER 7 (WHO ARE YOU?
) WILL DROPS ON SATURDAY NOVEMBER 29, 2025 09:30PM
CHAPTER SEVEN : WHO ARE YOU?
“It’s the unknown that draws people.” -E.A. Bucchianeri
WHO ARE YOU?
TABITHA
“You’re doing good, Tabi. Still, keep taking your medicine. It’s better if you maintain it to make sure your blood circulation stays normal, and also, bawasan mo na rin ang pagpupuyat,” malumanay na sambit ni Tito Lynus, words that instantly caught me off guard.
Mama turned to look at me, confusion written clearly on her face. Shit.
“But she hasn’t been sleeping late, Ly. Lately she’s been sleeping before eight, right, Tabi?” Mama said. I forced a small smile and nodded. “Yes po,” I uttered.
Tito Lynus glanced at me, stealing a quick gaze while wearing that playful, almost-hidden smile of his. “Okay, if you say so. Basta take good care of yourself. Avoid overly tiring activities. Ballet is fine,” he added. Buti na lang naintindihan agad ni Tito Lynus ang sagot ko.
A wave of relief washed over me.
“By the way, Lynus, birthday ni Tabi this Friday. Don’t you dare miss it,” Mama reminded him. I smiled, still admiring their friendship. Tito Lynus has been with us for as long as I can remember.
He’s one of the nicest men I’ve ever known, besides my dad, of course. He’s top two, followed by Tito Six and Tito Ash as top three. I’m so blessed to be surrounded by the best men the Lord ever made.
“How could I miss it? Eighteenth birthday ng princess ko ’yon. Of course we’ll be there. Kaya ba sinamahan mo si Tabi sa check-up today dahil after this, diretso na kayo sa birthday preparations?” he asked.
“Yes, pagkatapos nito, we’ll grab her gown from the shop, tapos pupuntahan namin ang daddy niya sa office,” sagot ni Mama habang maingat na inilalagay sa bag niya ang mga gamot na binigay ni Tito Lynus. We stood up and said our goodbyes.
“Okay, you girls be careful on your way. And regards to Kuya—I’ll see him soon,” he said. Nag-usap pa sila ni Mama tungkol sa kung anu-anong adult life stuff bago niya kami ihatid sa lobby ng clinic.
“See you, Ly,” Mama said, then headed toward the parked car.
“Psst. What’s making you sleep late at night, huh?” Tito Lynus whispered. I glanced at him and smiled, wag kang magpahalata, Tabi.
“Just friends talk,” tugon ko.
Halatang hindi siya naniniwala; he had that playful smile on his face. “Boyfriend?” he asked.
I acted surprised, as if he caught me red-handed. My eyes widened and I immediately looked away, mas okay na iyon ang isipin niya kaysa sa totoong dahilan ng pagpupuyat ko.
“No, Tito… hindi pa pwede.” Liar, Tabitha.
He chuckled softly and nudged me toward the car where Mama was already waiting. “Yeah, sure,” he uttered, waving goodbye.
Sumakay na ako at nagpaalam sa kanya.
“Are you ready for your gown reveal, anak?” tanong ni Mama. “Yes po,” I replied. It was supposed to be a dress, but since gusto ni Mama na mag-gown ako, bahala na—pagbigyan. She put a lot of effort into this, kaya it’s fine with me.
“Let’s go,” sambit niya.
We went to the shop and, just like what Mama said, the gown was revealed—and I can’t deny how amazing it looked.
Sobrang ganda nito. Ngayon tuloy hindi ako makapaniwala na magde-debut na ako. I’m going to be 18 on Friday, and being 18 means giving up my virginity to my boyfriend. Ano kaya ang magiging reaksyon ni Henry?
Hindi ko mapigilan ang ngiti sa aking labi habang iniisip iyon. I checked my social media and tiningnan ko ang IG story niya. He’s in the court again, training. Nag-comment ako sa IG story niya.
Agad niya itong nakita, I guess he’s on a water break.
I smiled and reacted with a heart to his reply before putting my phone back in my purse.
“Why are you smiling alone, princess? Are you excited for your birthday?” Dad asked, making me look up from my seat.
We were already having dinner together—I was so busy on my phone I didn’t even notice the food being served. “Ahm, it’s Konah pa, just sending funny memes,” palusot ko. He smiled and took a sip of his wine.
“Where is she right now? Why didn’t you ask her to join us for dinner?” tanong niya. “Ahm, she has an activity tonight, Dad, kaya hindi siya pwede. Maybe next time po.” Dad nodded at my answer before continuing his small talk with Mom.
I started eating, and while chewing, the memory of last night suddenly flashed in my mind. Napalunok ako at napaisip.
Does he recognize me? My face was so close to him. Siguro naman hindi, Tabi. Madilim sa alleyway, and nakasuot pa rin naman ako ng mask noon.
Impossible na makilala niya ako.
“Tulong!!!”
Nagpapanic na ako, wala atang nakakarinig sa akin. Shit. With shaky hands, I grabbed my phone and called for an ambulance.
Pero hindi ako puwedeng makita na nandito. I’m underage, at pag nalaman ng mga nakakatanda na galing ako sa club, I would be dead. Hindi puwede!
Sinabi ko nang malinaw ang location kung saan makikita si Ronan. I pulled him toward the wall, pinaupo ko siya kahit wala siyang malay, at kumuha ako ng panyo sa bag ko para subukang punasan ang dugo sa kanyang mukha.
He even groaned when I accidentally hit his arm with my knee. Shit. Mukhang masama talaga ang pagkakabugbog sa kanya. This is bad.
Nasaan na ba kasi ang ambulance?
After a few seconds, narinig ko na ang wang-wang. I quickly stood up and ran to hide. Agad naman siyang nakita ng mga paramedic, and I noticed them searching for me—the one who called for help.
But I hid very carefully and didn’t make a sound. Pinanood ko sila hanggang maisakay nila si Ronan sa ambulance, habang nagsisimulang magdatingan ang mga nakikiososong tao.
Nang maisara na ang pinto ng ambulance, umalis na ako sa pinagtataguan ko, at pagharap ko sa likuran ko—
I saw the lady who was with Ronan earlier. She was standing from afar, watching the ambulance, and bakas ang kaba sa mukha niya. What? Alam niyang posibleng mangyari ito kay Ronan dahil sa kanya, and she wasn’t doing anything to stop it.
Hindi ko maiwasang mainis nang makita siya. After the ambulance left, she also left with her guards. What the actual f*ck.
She’s clearly a pedophile, and she’s putting his life in danger. Kanina I almost witnessed a murder, paano kung hindi ako dumating? Ronan would be dead cold right now.
“Hoy, bakit nakatayo ka diyan? Akala ko sa sasakyan ka maghihintay?” Bumalik ako sa sarili ko nang biglang sumulpot sa harapan ko si Konah.
“At bakit ka nakasimangot diyan? Galit yarn? At ano ’yon, bakit ang daming tao? Ano nangyari?” tanong niya habang tumitingin sa mga taong paalis.
Teka… ako? Galit? Nakasimangot? Huh? Bakit naman?
Bakit ako maiinis sa babaeng iyon? I don’t care kung ano man ang ginagawa nila. Isa pa, isa lang naman akong mabait na schoolmate na nagligtas ng buhay niya.
By tomorrow, parang wala lang lahat. He won’t remember me, my voice or anything.
Kinabukasan—“Tabitha, you’re paired up with Ronan for this project!”
What!?
Dahan-dahan akong lumingon sa likuran kung saan siya nakaupo. Shit. This can’t be happening. Seryoso siyang nakatitig sa akin, may band-aid sa gilid ng labi niya at sa kaliwang bahagi ng noo.
He has his right arm in a plaster cast, and still manages to look cool and indelibly handsome.
Nailunok ko lahat ng laway ko nang magtagpo ang mga mata namin. No. Act normal, Tabi. This is your first time interacting with him as Tabitha. Isa pa, hindi ka naman niya kilala bilang si Ruby. Act normal.
“Ano pang hinihintay mo, Ms. Jimenez? Go to your partner,” sambit ng prof namin. I slowly stood up, gathered my things, and moved to the seat beside him.
Smile, Tabitha.
“Hi,” bati ko, at ramdam ko ang mga matang nakatingin sa amin habang lumalapit ako.
“Nakakainggit naman, sana ako na lang ’yung naging partner niya.”
“Sanaol, gusto ko rin maging partner siya.”
Nanaig ang bulungan ng mga blockmates namin. Kung puwede lang talaga kayo na maging partner niya. Mas okay pa sa akin kahit mag-isa nalang ako. Lord, help me.
Pagkaupo ko, nakatingin siya sa akin, para bang inoobserbahan ang bawat galaw ko. “I’m Clouise Tabitha Jimenez, ballet club, nice to meet yo—” he cut me off with a cold nod.
“You sound familiar.”
My heart dropped. Shit. Nakilala niya ba ako?!
I did a fake cough and changed my voice. “Huh? This is the first time we talked?” I uttered.
His gaze lingered on me, suspicious, but after a few seconds he looked away. “Baka guni-guni ko lang,” he whispered, facing the front.
Nakahinga ako nang maluwag at pasimpleng inilayo ang upuan ko sa kanya.
Napansin niya iyon at tiningnan ako. I laughed nervously. “I need a big space, mas sanay ako hehe.”
Shit. Mukhang tanga ka, Tabitha.
The whole class felt like a grave to me. Isa na nga lang class ko ngayong araw, tapos kasama ko pa talaga si Ronan. Sobrang hirap magpanggap na hindi ko siya kilala at wala akong alam tungkol sa buhay niya.
“I’ll see you on Friday.”
Nanigas ako nang sabihin niya iyon, parang nanlamig ang buong katawan ko. Shit, shit, shit talaga.
“Huh? B-Bakit?”
“It’s our class on Friday morning, remember? Gagawin ko ’yung part ko sa project, huwag kang mag-alala. I’ll send it to you before Friday,” masungit niyang sambit, at agad na umalis sa harapan ko.
Parang nanlambot ako; napasandal pa ako sa pader sa likuran nang makaalis siya. Masyado akong halata. Nakakainis.
Akala ko magkikita kami sa club ng Friday! Shit ka talaga, Tabitha.
Wait!!!
It’s my birthday on Friday!!!
And I need to be in the club at midnight!
“Tabi!” Napalingon ako nang makita ko si Mama. She’s here to pick me up. I forgot—it’s check-up day and gown reveal.
I’m doomed.
“Tabi, princess, are you even listening?” I snapped back to my senses when Dad repeated calling me.
“Yes po?” sagot ko.
“Ang sabi ng dad mo, ano daw ang gusto mong heels for your birthday?” si Mom na ang nag-ulit ng tanong para sa kanya. Bigla akong napaisip—ano nga bang heels ang gusto ko?
I can’t think of anything right now, dahil sa totoo lang, lahat ng gusto kong heels ay nabili ko na gamit ang perang kinikita ko sa club. Nakatago lahat iyon sa condo ni Konahrie—na hindi alam ng parents ko.
Isip, Tabi. Mahahalata nila pag hindi ka sumagot. You always request heels on your birthday.
Isip, isip, isip…
“Wow, this is new. It’s the first time I’ve seen you think about what heels to ask for your birthda—” I cut my dad off before he could finish.
“I want a Prada. The Black Nappa Leather Platform Sandals, Dad.”
Medyo nagulat sila sa bilis ng sagot ko pero sabay silang tumawa at tumango. “As you wish, princess,” Dad said, smiling at my mother.
Hindi naman nila siguro nahalata.
I went back to my phone after and texted Konahrie.
Hindi na ako nag-reply at ibinalik ko ang phone sa bag. We finished dinner and headed home after. Holiday bukas kaya it’s really a preparation day for us.
Last night, I waited for Henry to call, only to find out he already fell asleep as soon as he got home, kaya hinayaan ko na lang. Today, I was busy too kaya hindi ko rin siya nakausap.
But I don’t mind. Bukas naman, I’ll be spending my whole birthday with him. And at night, I’m gonna do it.
I mean—we’re gonna do it.
I just hope that it would make him happy, and love me more.
This is it. It’s my birthday.
“And still, I can’t contact my boyfriend,” bulong ko habang nakatayo sa likod ng pink curtains.
Any minute now, mag-uumpisa na ang party. And I still don’t know if papunta na ba si Henry or what. He’s not answering any of my texts or calls. Gusto ko na siyang makita.
“Ms. Jimenez, are you ready? We’re about to start?” tanong ng organizer. Halata sigurong wala ako sa focus.
“Can we wait a little longer?” mahina kong tanong.
“Nako, ma’am… masisira na po ang time ng event if may delays pa. All set na ho, nandoon na lahat ng guests sa loob. Kayo na lang po ang hinihintay.”
“Can you check if my bo— I mean, my friend, Henry, is inside already?” Baka kaya hindi niya ako sinasagot… because he’s going to surprise me? Bigla akong kinilig sa thought na iyon.
Yeah… maybe he’s planning something for my birthday. Maybe kaya quiet.
“I’ll check po, ma’am, pero we really need to start.”
Wala na akong nagawa when they signaled me. The lights shifted, the music started—my intro. I stepped out, walking down the princess-like staircase, smiling at everyone.
Pero habang naglalakad ako, I scanned the crowd.
Wala.
Walang Henry.
Pag-upo ko sa stage, lumapit sa akin yung organizer. “Ma’am, wala pa pong Henry sa guest list.”
What?
Hindi puwede. He wouldn’t be late for my 18th birthday. Kilala ko siya.
“We’re now hearing a speech from our beloved pretty and handsome parents, who aged like fine wine, Mr. and Mrs. Jimenez!” the host announced.
My parents walked up the stage and stood beside me, waving at the guests.
Pero hindi ko na sila marinig nang maayos.
Nagvibrate ang phone ko sa kamay ko, akala ko si Henry.
Wala. Notification lang. So I quickly typed a message:
To Hnry.Abd : Babe, where are you? The party already started, please, just tell me you’re coming.
My chest tightened as I pressed send.
And put my phone beside me.
“To our dearest princess,” Mom started, and the moment she looked at me, mukhang hindi pa man nagsisimula ang speech ay iiyak na agad siya. I laughed softly, hoping to make her smile.
“Today, as you celebrate your 18th birthday, our hearts are overflowing with love and pride. It feels like just yesterday I was holding your tiny hands, guiding your first steps, fighting with you in the hospital, and watching your eyes light up with every new discovery.” She read from her phone, but her tears betrayed her as they began to fall.
“And now, here you are, beautiful, strong, kind and officially stepping into adulthood. Which is your dad and I’s greatest nightmare.” Lahat nagtawanan sa maliit niyang biro. But for me, I know they’re both a little sad as I keep growing older.
My sweet, gentle parents.
“We’ve watched you grow through challenges, laughter, dreams, fights against your sickness, and countless moments that made us realize how blessed we are to be your parents. I would never ask for a reset having you was the most genuine love for me.”
“You have always carried yourself with grace, compassion, and a quiet strength that inspires everyone around you. You may not always see it, but you are braver, wiser, and more capable than you give yourself credit for. As you enter this new chapter of your life, we want you to remember a few things.” She handed the mic to Dad so he could continue.
“Follow your dreams fearlessly, but never forget where you came from. Take risks, but stay true to your values. Be kind, but don’t let the world dim your light. And no matter how big you dream or how far you go, always know that you have a home in our hearts.”
Hindi ko na napigilan, tuluyan nang bumagsak ang luha ko, puro saya.
Hindi ko kailanman makakalimutang magpasalamat kay Lord for giving me them. In my next life, I will still ask Him to make them my parents again.
“Thank you for being such a wonderful daughter. Thank you for your patience, your laughter, your stories, your hugs, and the love you give so freely. You have made our lives richer and more meaningful in ways you may never fully understand. Happy 18th birthday, Princess.” Nagpalakpakan ang lahat.
Tumayo ako at lumapit sa kanila. I hugged them so tight. “Thank you,” I whispered.
“We love you, Tabi.” They both said and gave me the gentlest kiss in the world.
My heart was full as the party went on, and for a moment, nakalimutan ko si Henry.
The party was so fun, but at the end of it, I had one mission to complete.
To Hnry.Abd : Base the party is done, where are you?
From Hnry.Abd : Come to my house, please.
Sabi ko na, he’s going to surprise me tonight.
“Let’s go, princess,” sambit ni Dad habang papasakay na sila ni Mama sa van. Hinila ko si Konahrie at sinabi, “Mom, can I stay at her condo tonight? We’ll just celebrate together, please.”
Nagkatinginan sila bago tumango. “Fine, just make sure to go home tomorrow morning.” Pagkasabi nila, mabilis ko silang niyakap bago bumalik kay Konah.
Paglikod namin, nagsalita siya. “Akala ko ba hindi kasasayaw ngayong gabi?”
“Hindi nga. I have something to do. Hatid mo ako sa bahay nila Henry,” sambit ko, kinapa ang box ng condom sa pocket ko.
This is it.
Hinatid ako ni Konahrie sa tapat ng bahay nila Henry. Agad kong napansin na wala ang sasakyan ng parents niya, pero nasa loob siya, nakita ko ang training shoes niya sa may pinto.
“Ano, hintayin kita?” tanong ni Konah paglabas ko ng sasakyan. I smiled and shook my head. “Hindi na, umuwi ka na, kaya ko na ’to.”
“Huh? Saan ka matutulog?”
“Dito.” Nanlaki ang mga mata niya.
“Hindi pwede, baliw ka—hintayin na kita,” she insisted. Hindi ako nakinig. “Umuwi ka na. Kaya ko namang magpahatid sa condo mo after namin mag-celebrate. Sige na.”
Hindi ko na pinakinggan pa ang sagot niya at marahang pumasok sa gate. Narinig ko na lang ang pag-alis ng sasakyan niya.
Papunta sa main door, natigilan ako nang makita ang training shoes ni Henry—katabi ang pink doll shoes. Huh? Nandito ang mommy niya? Pero wala ang kotse niya.
Kunot-noo ko itong tinitigan bago dahan-dahang pinihit ang door knob.
Pagbukas ko, walang tao sa living room, pero nakita ko ang training bag ni Henry sa sahig, nakakalat pati jersey niya.
Hindi ganito ang inaasahan ko. It was supposed to be rose petals everywhere… kasi nga surprise niya sa akin, ’di ba?
I slowly walked toward his room and grabbed the knob. My heart suddenly raced as I pushed the door open—
And a flashing cheating scene, straight out of a movie, hit me right in the face.
Evelyn.
Was riding him in his actual f*cking bed.
“What the f*ck!” sambit ko, at agad umikot ang sikmura ko sa pandidiri. “Shit!” Henry cursed and pushed Evelyn away.
Tumakbo ako palabas ng bahay nila at doon sumuka, bumuhos ang luha ko, at tila gumuho ang mundo ko sa nasaksihan ko.
“Babe, it’s not what you think it is.” Sinubukan akong hawakan ni Henry, pero kinuha ko ang condom sa bulsa ko at sinampal ko siya gamit iyon sa mukha.
“F*ck you! Hindi ka makapaghintay? I was about to give you everything tonight and anong ginawa mo? You cheated on me!”
Tears ran down his eyes as he tried to hold me, but I kept avoiding and pushing him away. Shit, nasusuka ako sa galit.
“Please, let me explai—” Hindi ko na kailangan ng kahit anong salita galing sa kanya. What I saw was enough.
“Wag ka nang magsalita, Henry. Nakakadiri ka. You make me sick to my stomach. I hate you. We’re done, and don’t you ever show your face to me.” Sobrang lakas ng pag-iyak ko, at bigla akong nakaramdam ng sobrang sama ng pakiramdam.
Tumakbo ako palabas ng gate at sakto namang may taxi. Pumara ako at agad sumakay habang hinahabol ako ni Henry.
“Manong, please umalis na ho tayo dito.” Agad naman siyang umandar. Nakita ko pa sa side mirror si Henry na nakaluhod sa kalsada.
I was crying so hard, halos masamid pa ako. “Neng, plastic oh, dyan ka sumuka. Buntis ka ba?” abot ni Manong. Kinuha ko at doon ako sumuka, sabay iling sa tanong niya.
“Grabe na talaga ang mga kabataan ngayon,” bulong niya, but I didn’t care. The image of them together is engraved in my mind, kaya panay ang pagsusuka ko.
“Saan ka punta, neng?” tanong niya.
“Sa Midnight Club po,” sagot ko. Mas lalo siyang umiling, pero wala na akong pakealam. I’m not okay right now.
I wanna die.
“Oh, akala ko ba hindi ka papasok ngayong gabi? Bakit nandito ka? At ang putla mo, gaga ka,” salubong ni Nana nang pumasok ako sa dressing room.
“Sasayaw ako. Let me dance.” I grabbed her beer, drank it, and almost threw it up. Buti nalang tinakpan niya bibig ko. “Gaga ka, wag mong isusuka ’yan!”
“Sigurado ka bang kaya mo? Mukha kang mamatay,” Nana said.
“Kaya ko. Kaya kong sumayaw. Let me dance.” Shit, umiikot na agad paningin ko.
“Bakit ka nandito? Umiyak ka? Bakit maga mata mo?” tanong niya.
“Pwede ba, wag nang chismosa. Tulungan mo na lang ako. Sasayaw ako.”
“Ay, sorry beh. Ang taray. Oh siya, sasayaw daw si Ruby. I-ready mo yung main stage. Saan yung mask mo, gaga?”
“Wala, hindi ko dala,” sagot ko.
“Eh paano ka sasayaw?”
Tumayo ako at inalalayan niya ako. Umiikot ang paningin ko, sumasakit sikmura ko. T* ngina ni Henry. I f cking hate him.
“Ito ang susuotin niya.” Napalingon kami nang biglang lumabas si Mamang. May hawak siyang red laced mask, mas sexy kaysa kay Mama. “At ito ang susuotin niya. Oh, pack diba!” May kasama pang red latex bodysuit. Sexy, revealing, but I don’t care. I’m 18 now. I can wear anything.
Sinot ko iyon at inayusan ako ni Nana. I went to the stage at midnight and the crowd went wild. I danced differently tonight, I wanted to be sexy, praised, worshiped, desired.
I’m better than that Evelyn kid. I hope she and Henry die.
F*ck them.
“Man, I love to get on, I love to get 2 On.” I sang along while crawling on the stage, making the men go crazy.
After the music ended, I sat on the stage as thirty men touched my hand and kissed the back of my palm.
“Please give me the night, Ruby.” “How much for a night with you, Ruby?” “Ruby, let me fuc—”
Hindi natapos ng isang matandang VIP client ang sasabihin niya dahil may biglang lalaking lumapit, binuhat ako parang sako paalis ng stage.
“T*ngina,” rinig kong paos niyang sambit.
“Hey, sino ka?” Shit, lasing na ata ako.
Narinig ko ang commotion sa stage, nagagalit ang mga client dahil kinuha ako. Pero pinipigilan nila Nana at Mamang.
“Ruby?! Saan mo siya dadalhin?” sigaw ni Mamang bago ako tuluyang mailabas ng bar.
“Ibaba mo ako, shit, nasusuka ako!” sigaw ko, nagpupumiglas. Dinala niya ako sa likod kung saan nakatambak ang basura, at pagkapababa sa akin, agad akong sumuka.
Hinawi niya buhok ko at itinali habang sumusuka ako. That gesture made me remember everything that happened tonight. Wala na kami ni Henry?
“Wahhh, paano niya nagawa ’yon sa’kin? He’s not that kind of guy. He was my prince charming. He’s perfect.” Umupo ako, nakaluhod, umiiyak.
“That girl… I knew it. Ramdam ko na. She’s a snake. But f*ck, he’s a minor!!!” I wiped my mouth with my arm, pero hinawakan niya ito at pinunasan gamit ang scarf niya. He fixed my hair and was about to remove my mask.
Pinigilan ko kamay niya, and that’s when I finally looked at his face.
It’s him.
“Ronan?” I whispered.
“Ano?” tanong niya.
I smiled, remembering him kissing that lady in the restroom.
If Henry can do it, I can too.
“F*ck me,” I uttered.
“Ano?”
“I said, shut up and f*ck me tonight.” I pulled him and sealed those words with a kiss.
DAWNVELLICHOR
12- 06- 2025
CHAPTER 8 (HOW DOES SHE KNOW MY NAME?
) WILL DROPS ON SATURDAY DECEMBER 13, 2025 09:30PM
CHAPTER EIGHT : HOW DOES SHE KNOW MY NAME?
“When two strangers meet, and the air suddenly tightens between them, it’s not coincidence — it’s the universe holding its breath.” — Rainer Maria Rilke
HOW DOES SHE KNOW MY NAME?
RONAN
“T*ngina.” Umiikot ang paligid, parang binibiyak ang ulo ko sa tindi ng sakit. Damn you, Dreason—ano ba ’yang pinainom mo sa’kin?
Marahan akong bumangon kahit bawat pintig ng ugat ko sa ulo ay parang sumasabog.
Never pa talaga ako nalasing nang ganito. “T*ngina, hindi ka na uulit, Rona—” Naputol ang salita ko nang unti-unti kong makita nang malinaw ang lugar. Nasaan ako?
This room isn’t familiar at all. Sa kabila ng kirot sa ulo ko, pinilit kong obserbahan ang paligid. Motel? Hindi. This is too clean, too expensive-looking, para sa kahit anong motel dito sa Manila.
Hotel ’to. What the f*ck am I doing in a hotel—
Muli akong napatigil nang mapagtantong wala akong suot sa ilalim ng puting makapal na comforter. “F*ck. Agh—” Sumabay ang pagkirot ng ulo sa mabilis na flash ng isang alaala—ang paghawak ko sa pinakamaliit na baywang na nahawakan ko sa buong buhay ko.
Napatingin ako sa aking mga palad. Totoo ang pakiramdam. Nararamdaman ko pa rin sa mga kamay ko.
Anong ginawa ko kagabi?
Napalingon ako sa pinto ng silid na kinaroroonan ko, at doon ko napansin ang isang piraso ng pulang lace na nakalatag sa sahig. Tumayo ako at agad itong nilapitan—kahit wala akong kahit anong saplot, hindi ko na inintindi.
Completely naked, I walked toward the door and bent down to pick up the lace.
Pagkakuha ko at nang mas malinaw ko itong makita, alam ko na kaagad kung ano ang nangyari kagabi.
I had f*cking hot sex with the Midnight Ballerina.
“Fck, why am I hard again?! Tngina ka, Ronan.” I muttered, cursing myself.
“Hoy, Ronan. Nakatulala ka na naman d’yan. Wala, hindi pupunta si Madam ngayong gabi. Matapos nang nangyari nung nakaraan, sa tingin mo ba lalabas yun ngayon? Nakakulong ’yun sigurado sa silid ni bossing,” sambit ni Dreason, isa sa mga bouncer dito sa Midnight Club.
Tama siya. Nagbabakasakali lang talaga ako na pupunta siya ngayong gabi. Gusto ko sana siyang kausapin tungkol sa nangyari… pero alam ko namang hindi siya darating.
“Oh, paano ba ’yan? Uuwi ka na agad?” tugon ni Dreason nang mapansin niyang tumayo ako. Ano pa bang gagawin ko dito kung wala naman si Madam?
“Uwi na ako. May trabaho pa ako bukas,” sagot ko.
“Ito naman,” reklamo niya, “minsan ka lang maging malaya. Pag nandito ka, lagi kang nakadikit kay Madam. Inom muna tayo—sagot ko na.” Hindi na niya hinintay ang sagot ko dahil agad niya akong hinila papunta sa bar counter.
“Doms, sagot ko ’to. Isang special para sa kaibigan kong pogi,” nakangisi niyang sabi sa bartender.
“Sure ssob,” sagot naman nito.
Umupo si Dreason sa tabi ko at agad akong inakbayan. “Ano, gusto mo ba pati babae umorder ako? Para naman hindi puro si Madam ang natitikman mo.” Siniko ko siya nang pasimple.
Si Dreason lang ang nakakaalam ng totoong ginagawa ko dito pag nandito si Madam, dahil minsan na rin siyang nautusan.
“Wag kang maingay. Kapag may nakarinig sa’yo, ikaw din ang makakatikim ng sinapit ko,” sabi ko. Agad siyang umatras.
“Gago, labas ako d’yan. Bouncer lang ako. Siya nga pala, buti hindi ka pa pinatay ni big boss nung gabing ’yon.”
Dumating ang order naming inumin at inabot niya sa akin. Uminom ako.
“T*ngina… ang tapang nito,” komentaryo ko habang ramdam ko ang hapdi sa lalamunan.
“Masarap ang epekto n’yan, pre. Ako nagsasabi sa’yo— the best ’yan,” maloko niyang sambit sabay tapik sa braso ko.
“May dumating na pulis kaya hindi ako tuluyang napatay,” sagot ko. Kumunot agad ang noo niya.
“Huh? Tanga, nasa exit door ako naka-duty ’non. Wala namang dumating na pulis. Ang dumating—ambulansiya. Gago, pre, kung walang dumating na ambulansiya ’non, hindi ko malalaman na nandun ka sa eskinita. Sabi nila may tumawag daw na babae para humingi ng tulong para sa’yo, pero pagdating nila… wala namang nagpakita na babae.”
Huh?
Babae? Wala akong maalala na babaeng tumulong sa akin nung gabing iyon.
I just felt so exhausted from the non-stop beating; mukhang nakatulog na lang talaga ako habang may nakatutok na baril sa noo ko. Kinabukasan, nagising na lang akong nasa ospital.
Bayad na ang hospital bills ko. Alam kong si Madam ang sumagot nun—wala nang iba. That’s our routine.
We get caught, they beat me, I’m lucky if I don’t end up dead, she pays my hospital bills… and then we do it all over again.
“Wala akong maalalang babae,” sabi ko.
“Oh siya, bahala ka. Oh ano, o-orderan na ba kita ng babae?”
Uminom ako ulit. Kahit grabe ang tapang ng inumin, wala na akong pakialam. Hindi naman ako iinom nang marami, pagbibigyan ko lang si Dreason. “Wala akong gana,” sagot ko.
“Gago, sayang naman. Libre ka ngayong gabi. Tikim ka naman ng ibang putahe. Pre, nandito ba si Ericka ngayon?” tanong niya sa bartender.
“Tanga. Matagal nang hindi pumupunta si Ericka dito. Diba si Ruby na ang main stage?”
Ruby.
“Ay oo nga pala, doon naman ako kay Ruby, pre. Ang kinis ng kutis, tapos tuwing sumasayaw, lakas ng bagsak ng pera ng mga VIP. Sasayaw ba siya ngayong gabi?” Nakikinig lang ako sa usapan nila.
But deep inside my mind, I remember the first night I saw her.
That night, I was making out in the VIP area with Lady C when it suddenly stopped.
“I need to use the restroom. Wait for me,” she said, wiping her slightly messed-up lipstick. She stood, fixed her dress, and walked toward the restroom.
“Tonight, we have a new flavor to spice up your night, fresh flesh. Her name is danger wrapped in beauty. She walks in like sin dressed in satin. She doesn’t chase attention… she owns it. And every gaze will follow her tonight.”
I kept watching Celestine until she disappeared into the restroom hallway.
“And now… meet Ruby, our… our Midnight Ballerina!”
Napalingon ako sa stage nang marinig ko ang kakaibang pangalan na iyon.
My lips parted when I saw a goddess-like beauty standing on the sinful stage of the club. She looked like an angel that had fallen from the sky. The pink dress, the black lace mask, it sent something unfamiliar straight into my bones, making me almost shiver.
My heart started beating too fast. I couldn’t breathe.
I had never seen such a beautiful figure on that stage. What the f*ck was happening to me? Hindi ako makahinga, hindi makagalaw, at hindi ko magawang alisin ang mga mata ko sa kanya.
The first thought that crossed my mind was—
She was out of my league. A beauty like her was not meant for a man with a f*cked-up life like mine.
That single thought shattered all the admiration quietly building inside my system.
I couldn’t have her.
And in that moment, I looked away from her—like she was a sin I wasn’t meant to commit, something too dangerous to want, yet impossible to forget.
“Rinig ko, di daw papasok ngayon. May importanteng lakad,” sagot ng bartender.
“Sayang naman. Nagpapabook ba ’yon, pre? Magkano bigayan don?” tanong ni Dreason.
That’s stupid. Labeling a woman with a price. Naiinis ako, pero sa mundong ginagalawan nila, hindi talaga maiiwasan.
“Wala. Hindi nagpapabook si Ruby. Sayaw lang talaga. Kahit sinong VIP na milyon ang inoo-offer kay mamang para lang sa isang gabi kasama si Ruby, aba, hindi pumapayag si mamang. Sobrang bigatin kasi ng kita ni Ruby. Rinig ko siya daw mismo ayaw magpabook. Virgin pa ata.” kahit na alam kong hindi na dapat ako makinig pa sa kung ano mang impormasyon tungkol sa kanya, ay hindi ko pa’rin maiwasan.
I smirked from hearing that information, at least I could be at ease knowing she’s not gonna get touched by any man out here.
Nagtawanan silang dalawa sa huli nilang sinabi.
Stupid.
“Gago, sarap nun kung virgin pa.” aba, gago toh ah! My head fired up and was about to start a fight when…
“Please welcome on the main stage… our MIDNIGHT BALLERINA!!!”
Napalingon kaming tatlo sa main stage nang mag-announce ang host. Akala ko ba wala?
“Sabi mo wala siya ngayon?” sambit ni Dreason.
“Akala ko rin, eh…” tulala ring sagot ng bartender.
My eyes drifted from the two of them toward the main stage, where the red LED lights surged and revealed the silhouette of a stunning maiden.
She’s wearing a very sexy, alluring red latex bodysuit, paired with a red lace mask. Para bang hinulma siya ng mga diyos, siya ang paborito.
She carries this innocent aura, yet her presence screams power.
“Shit… ganda talaga,” komento ni Dreason sa tabi ko, halos tumulo pa ang laway habang tinititigan ang bawat galaw ng maliit na bewang na iyon sa entablado.
Watching her dance, something inside me tightened. I suddenly felt… intimidated. This time her power as a woman on that stage had a pull, nakakahina, nakakalunod. Tila natutuyuan ang lalamunan ko habang pinagmamasdan siya.
I looked through those beautiful eyes behind the red lace mask. Kahit natatakpan, hindi kayang itago ang kagandahan. I know what I was aiming for—those eyes.
It felt like… they’ve looked at me before.
Yes, I remember in the restroom. Those eyes looked at me, and from that moment, I knew they were beautiful.
But now, looking into them again, I notice something different. There’s sadness in those eyes.
As the music ended, it felt like my ability to breathe properly ended with it. She sat at the edge of the stage and let the clients touch and kiss her hand, like they were praising her, worshipping her.
But despite all of that, my eyes stayed locked on hers. They were sad. Really sad.
“Gago, first time nagpahawak ni Ruby sa cliente! Tangina, punta tayo—kahit mahalikan man lang ang dalir—”
Hindi ko na siya pinatapos. I grabbed his cup and drank it in one shot before making the stupid decision to steal her away from those hungry predators who were seconds away from devouring her like prey.
I stood in front of her on the edge of the stage. “T*ngina,” I cursed under my breath, then lifted her like a sack of rice.
Tngina. Lasing na ata ako. Ano bang ginagawa ko?!*
Hindi dapat Ronan!
“Hey… sino ka?” malamlam niyang sambit. She’s drunk too.
“Ruby?! Saan mo siya dadalhin?” sigaw ng kung sinong hindi ko kilala bago ko siya tuluyang mailabas ng club.
“Ibaba mo ako, shit, nasusuka ako!” sigaw niya, pilit nagpupumiglas. Dinala ko siya sa likod, sa may tambak ng basura, at pagkapababa ko sa kanya, agad siyang sumuka sa basurahan.
Looking at her, her hair falling in her face distracted me.
Hinawi ko ang buhok niya at itinali habang sumusuka siya, gamit ang itim kong leather bracelet bilang panali.
Nagulat ako nang bigla siyang umiyak ng malakas. “Wahhh… paano niya nagawa ’yon sa’kin? He’s not that kind of guy. He was my prince charming. He’s perfect.” Umupo siya, nakaluhod, at patuloy na umiyak.
“That girl… I knew it. Ramdam ko na. She’s a snake. But f*ck, he’s a minor!!!” Pinanood ko siyang punasan ang bibig niya gamit ang braso. May natira pang suka, kaya inabot ko ang braso niya, hinawakan, at pinunasan gamit ang scarf ko mula sa bulsa.
I even fixed her messy baby hairs on her sweaty forehead and was about to remove her mask to wipe her sweat—pero pinigilan niya ang kamay ko. Tiningnan niya ako diretso sa mga mata, at napansin ko ang paglaki ng pupils niya.
My heart is racing faster that it should be.
It was beautifu—
“Ronan?” she whispered something, pero hindi ko malinaw na narinig. Parang nag-mumble lang siya.
“Ano?” tanong ko.
She smiled. Right in my face. Bigla, parang bumigat ang tibok ng puso ko—nakakabingi. Nahihirapan na rin akong huminga. How can a smile look so ethereal?
My lips parted, mesmerized by this mysterious woman’s eyes, lost in her smile. Then she dropped a word—malinaw. Matalim. At literal na nagpabagsak ng panga ko.
“F*ck me,” she uttered.
“Ano?” Fck!*
“I said, shut up and f*ck me tonight.” In a snap, she pulled me and sealed her words with a kiss.
A lustful, f*cking kiss.
“Damn it.”
(SPG)
“Damn it,” I cursed as she pushed me against the wall. It was fierce—an action that felt like a command I couldn’t disobey. She wasn’t taking any no from me, neither through my words nor my actions.
I knew this wasn’t right. I was drunk—no, worse. Dreason must have slipped something into my drink; that was the only explanation for how my senses felt so blurred and reckless. She, too, was clearly not in her right state of mind. Yet even knowing all of that, the thought of pulling away from those lips—of letting them go—threatened to drive me completely insane tonight.
“H-hindi ’to… hmm, tama,” I tried to speak, pushing her luscious lips away. But the more I pulled back, the more I craved her. It was the first time I had ever tasted lips that were naturally this sweet.
I couldn’t get enough of it.
“I know, but I want it,” she said, her voice drowning in desire.
So was I.
“I could get you pregnant; hindi ka ba natatakot?” I tried to resist with words, but my actions betrayed me as I pulled her small waist closer to mine. I was sure she could feel the hard truth pressed against her.
F*ck.
A mix of guilt and thrill washed over me, but seeing the unease on her face melt into a molten-hot smirk made me lose it completely.
“Better,” she said, smiling as she bit her lips, looking straight into my eyes beneath the sexy red lace mask.
I knew I was done for.
“You’ll regret this,” I whispered as I let go of my thoughts, my rules, my sanity. I lifted her and carried her toward the bed prepared for us.
I laid her down like my favorite dish placed on the table, ready to be devoured. I took off my shirt, feeling a slight pain from my still-injured arm, and as the hem brushed against my lips, it reminded me that I had been beaten just days ago.
But f*ck that, it wasn’t what I should be thinking about right now.
“Are you sure about this?” paos at tila kinakapos ng hininga kong sambit habang lumalapit sa kanya. I saw her eyes flare as they traced my half-naked body.
She wants it.
I want her too, but as much as I wanted to devour her right now, I ordered my rapidly hardening cock to behave.
I had never been this hungry for a woman in all my life. What the f*ck was happening to me right now? What drug did I take to make me lose control this badly?
Pinagmamasdan ko ang bawat bahagi ng kanyang mukha. You could really tell she carried a goddess’s beauty even beneath that red lace mask. Her lips were rosy red, her cheeks blushing in the most beautiful shade of pink.
Her hair flowed in waves against the white satin sheets of the bed. It was impossible not to admire her beauty beneath me. This view felt like it was meant only for my eyes—mine alone.
The thought of another man seeing her in such a vulnerable position sent a boiling anger through my nerves.
I couldn’t share this breathtaking view with anyone. This was mine. Akin na ito.
Humigpit ang aking panga as I kept owning this wrecked angel inside my mind, a thousand thoughts clashing with the greed consuming me.
Napasinghap ako nang marahan when I felt her hand on my abdomen. “T*ngina,” sambit ko.
With that, I crashed into her lips roughly, making her squirm. Then my kiss slowed—t*ngina, ang sarap ng mga labi niya.
Naging masuyo ang aking paghalik nang marinig ko ang mahina niyang pag-ungol. Her eyes fluttered shut as she began to accept every movement of my lips, opening hers further to give me more access.
I sucked her lower lip, her upper lip, her tongue. I couldn’t stop.
Kapag tumigil ako, baka ikamatay ko.
“You taste just for me,” wala sa sarili kong bulong. Wala na akong oras isipin kung tama ba iyon. All I wanted was to say it—to treat her well tonight, to satisfy her, to own every part of her body.
Pinanood ko siyang mariing pumikit as my lips traveled down her smooth neck. Even this part of her tasted sweet to me.
Hindi ko inaasahan na mahilig pala ako sa matamis.
I craved more. From her neck down to her chest, marahan kong hinila pababa ang zipper ng suot niyang red latex suit. Nang tuluyan ko itong mabuksan, sumalubong sa akin ang mayayaman niyang dibdib.
She was wearing a red lace bra. T*ngina—ganito ang suot niyang underwear habang sumasayaw? Akala ko ba walang pwedeng makagalaw sa kanya? Pero bakit parang handa siya sa posibleng mangyari kung may isang lalaking magtatanggal ng suot niyang damit sa entablado?
Habang iniisip iyon, hindi ko namalayang may kasamang kagat ang aking iginagawad sa kanyang dibdib. “Aghmmm.” Doon ko na lang narealize nang magsimula siyang uminda at marahas na i-arch ang kanyang likod, pilit na iniiwas ang sarili mula sa aking kagat.
“I’m sorry.” Shit—hindi ko maiwasang mainis sa sarili ko. Napakaraming pumapasok sa isip ko. The first time I saw her, I knew she was out of my reach. This woman was not meant for a man like me. But the moment I tasted her lips, I kept owning her inside my mind, as if I had the power to keep her from every other man in the f*cking world.
“No, I like it,” mahina niyang bulong, isang himig na tumimo sa aking mga tainga.
Tumigil ako at bahagyang lumayo, tinitigan lamang siya.
Binuksan niya ang kanyang argent eyes; nahuli niya akong nakatitig nang may pagnanasa, lutang sa kung anu-anong isip.
“Bakit ka tumigil?” tila hinahabol niya ang kanyang paghinga. Pinanood ko ang pag-angat at pagbaba ng kanyang dibdib habang pilit niyang inaayos ang kanyang hininga. Parang may sariling isip ang aking mga kamay, hinawakan ko ang kanyang mga dibdib gamit ang pareho kong palad.
Marahan at puno ng pag-iingat ko itong hinimas, dahilan upang mapapikit siya muli at kagatin ang kanyang labi upang pigilan ang anumang ungol na nais kumawala mula sa kanyang matatamis na labi.
Hinila ko pababa ang kanyang bra, tuluyang inilantad ang kanyang hubad na dibdib sa aking paningin.
I found it mystically beautiful, like a scene created from a medieval painting—a goddess experiencing the lust and beauty of touch.
Ang kanyang dibdib ay tila hinulma para sa aking mga kamay. Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko. Bumaba ang aking mga labi sa pagitan ng kanyang mga dibdib, walang pakundangang nag-iiwan ng mga marka.
Napadaig siya sa sarap habang inaangkin ko ang kanyang kaliwang dibdib. Sinipsip ko ang kanyang utong na parang isang gutom na sanggol na matagal na hindi napakain.
Bawat bahagi ng kanyang katawan ay napakatamis. Matapos kong halikan at sipsipin ang kaliwa, lumipat ako sa kanan, hanggang sa dahan-dahan akong bumaba patungo sa kanyang malambot na tiyan.
Narating ko ang kanyang pusod at nag-iwan ng marahang halik sa paligid nito bago ko tuluyang hinila pababa ang suot niyang suit, kasabay ng paghila ko sa kanyang pulang lace stockings at pag-unravel ng kanyang pulang panty.
Mababaliw na ata ako. My hard dick was getting out of hand. It hurt down there.
“Do it,” utos niya. Nanlaki ang aking mga mata nang siya mismo ang nagtanggal ng suot niyang panty, sa harapan ko.
Tumigil ang tibok ng puso ko, huminto ang pag-andar ng isip ko, at tila nakalimutan kong huminga, nakalimutan kong mabuhay nang maayos, nang tuluyan ko siyang makitang hubad sa harap ko.
She moved her legs slowly, parting them, and in complete nudity the symbol of womanhood was laid bare right in front of me.
Tila nag-apoy ang aking mga mata habang pinagmamasdan iyon. This wasn’t my first time seeing one, but it was my first time having such a breathtaking—almost deadly—encounter. I nearly lost my breath at how magnificently her body affected my entire system.
Tila may kapangyarihan itong patigilin ang lahat ng mekanismo sa katawan ko.
It was not just a naked body. She was a work of art, an unreal painting of feminine beauty. A goddess.
My goddess.
With anticipation, I moved forward, down to her core. I kissed those beautiful folds. She almost let out a lovely moan but instantly covered her mouth.
Hinawakan niya ang buhok ko, sinabunutan iyon, na para bang nais ilayo ang mukha ko sa pagitan ng kanyang mga hita. Pero hindi ako nagpadala, she tasted even sweeter down here.
I started licking, sucking, every movement driven by the need to taste her more.
Ang kaliwa kong kamay ay inabot ang kanyang kanang dibdib, hinimas iyon habang patuloy kong dinarama ang ibabang bahagi ng kanyang katawan.
“Ahhh.”
Shit. I wanted her to call my name in that tone of her voice.
“Ahh— not there, stop—hmmm… I can’t hold it anymore, ahh!”
I kept exploring until she tightened her grip on my head and pushed me further down, even locking my head between her legs as liquid began spilling from her folds. It was sweet—just as expected.
I watched her legs shiver as she weakly caught her breath after her orgasm.
I couldn’t hold myself back either. I unbuckled my pants and shamelessly moved, no longer following the rules of having the right state of mind.
All I wanted was to be inside her.
F*ck.
“Ahhh… Ronan!”
How does she know my name?
“F*ck Saturday classes,” I cursed as I entered the campus, my head throbbing and my mind painfully clear about everything that happened last night.
I spent several minutes in the bathroom just to get through what needed to be done. Every time even a single slice of memory about her crossed my mind, my whole body instantly heated up.
Para akong asong in heat—t*ngina naman.
I was contemplating whether I should just cut my classes today or simply die from this headache when my phone suddenly rang.
I pulled it out of my pocket, and the moment I saw the letter C on the screen, I already knew who it was.
I answered the call. “Hello, Cain,” bakas sa mahina niyang boses na pinilit niya lang akong tawagan kahit alam niyang bawal.
“Hello,” maikli kong sagot.
“How are you? I saw what happened that night. I’m sorry, I wasn’t informed that he was coming. Nagulat din ako.”
“Hindi mo kasalanan. Mali ko ’rin, ang bagal kong tumakas,” sambit ko.
“Kamusta ka? Were your injuries healed yet? Want me to send you some money and medicine—”
I cut her off and shook my head. “Hindi na. I’m fine. May pasok ako. I have to g—”
Gaya ng ginawa ko sa kanya, she cut me off and spoke.
“Do you want us to meet tonight?”
“Hindi na. Alam naman nating hindi pwede. Mas mabuting magpahinga muna tayo.”
“But I badly miss you, your touc—”
“Kailangan ko nang umalis. Text me.”
Hindi ko na hinintay ang susunod niyang sasabihin at agad kong pinatay ang tawag. Kasunod noon ay ang pagpunta ko sa messages, to check on someone’s reply.
But she still wasn’t answering my text.
Huminga ako nang malalim bago hinawi pataas ang nakabagsak kong buhok at nagsimulang mag-type ng panibagong mensahe.
To Florence: You’re still not leaving him, huh?
I was getting pissed off with my f*cked-up life when I passed through a hidden commotion in an alleyway beside the auditorium.
“Pwede ba, ’wag ngayon. Hindi maganda ang pakiramdam ko, Kelly,” her voice sounded familiar.
Tumigil ako sa paglalakad at lumingon upang hanapin kung kanino ang boses na iyon. I was right, it was familiar.
It was… what’s her name again?
Ta—Tabitha, from one of my classes.
May tatlong babaeng nakatayo sa harap niya, all wearing ballet costumes. Si Tabitha naman ay naka-simpleng white blouse at leggings na may maliit na skirt. She was also carrying a white duffle bag, halatang papasok pa lang siya.
As I stared at her face, I could tell she wasn’t feeling well. And her lips…
Her lips looked just lik—
“Hindi ka nababagay dito. Lahat na lang inaagaw mo. Punong-puno na ako sa’yo. Akin na nga ’to!”
Biglang hinablot ng babaeng tinawag niyang Kelly ang hawak niyang duffle bag. Sa tulong ng dalawa nitong kasama, binuksan nila iyon at kinuha ang isang pares ng ballet shoes, at least, I think that’s what it was.
“Ano bang problema niyo? Give that back to me, Kelly!” She tried to get her bag back, but she was clearly too unwell to fight off the three of them.
“Bakit ba ang arte-arte mo? Lahat na lang, kaya dapat sa’yo makatikim ng a—”
I couldn’t just stand there watching three girls bully one, so I stepped in. From behind them, I snatched the ballet shoes and the duffle bag from their hands.
Nagulat sila at agad napaatras nang makita ako.
“Ang unfair naman,” nakangisi kong sambit. “Tatlo kayo, isa lang siya.”
Hindi pa man ako tapos magsalita, dali-dali na silang tumakbo palayo.
“Lagi ka ba nilang binubully—”
Hindi ko pa natatapos ang sasabihin ko nang agawin niya ang bag mula sa akin. Our eyes were about to meet, but—
“Thanks.”
Iniwasan niya agad ako na parang may matindi akong virus at pumasok na sa loob ng auditorium.
Tama ba ang nakita ko? Namumula siya?
Masama na ba talaga ang pakiramdam niya?
Mali bang tumulong ako?
DAWNVELLICHOR
12- 13- 2025
CHAPTER 9 (CHEATING VIRGINITY
) WILL DROPS ON SATURDAY DECEMBER 20, 2025 09:30PM
CHAPTER NINE : CHEATING VERGINITY
“Desire is both the whisper of the soul and its loudest scream.”
—
Khalil Gibran
CHEATING VIRGINITY
TABITHA
“Anong naisip mo at bigla kang nag-shopping spree?” kunot-noong tanong ni Konah habang paikot-ikot kami sa mall.
Pagkatapos ng training, wala na akong ibang naisip gawin kundi magtago, at ang pag-shopping ang naging pinakamadaling paraan para takasan ang ingay sa loob ng isip ko. Kung patatahimikin ko ang mundo sa paligid ko, baka sakaling manahimik din ang alaala.
Pero masyado na itong malakas.
Masyadong maraming tumatakbo sa utak ko. Hindi ako makapagtrabaho. Hindi ako makapag-isip. Hindi ako makahinga.
Hindi mawala sa akin ang gabing iyon, ang gabing naging simula ng lahat ng bagay na pilit kong tinatakasan. Para akong nilulunod ng alaala, hinahabol sa bawat sandaling nagiging tahimik ang paligid. At sa tuwing may pagkakataong mag-isip ako, iisa lang ang mukha, iisang katawan, iisang pagkakamali ang bumabalik sa akin.
Noong gabing iyon, ibinigay ko ang sarili ko sa isang lalaking hindi ko man lang lubos na kilala, isang estrangherong nag-iwan ng marka sa katawan at kaluluwa ko.
Mula noon, umiwas na ako sa kanya. Sadyang umiwas. Pati ang school project, pinili kong akuin lahat mag-isa, basta’t hindi ko na kailangang makita siya, hindi ko na kailangang marinig ang boses niya, hindi ko na kailangang harapin ang mga matang nakasaksi sa pagkawasak ko.
Matapos ang nangyari sa auditorium, wala na akong lakas ng loob na salubungin ang titig niya. Para bang sa isang sulyap lang, mabubunyag ang lahat ng pilit kong itinatago.
Kailangan ko siyang iwasan.
Dahil sa oras na tumingin ako sa kanya, alam kong muli akong mawawala.
“Huy? !” Napabalikwas ako nang bigla akong hampasin ni Konah sa braso.
“Huy, may kausap ba ako? “ may kunot-noo niyang sambit.
“Sorry… may iniisip lang.” mahina kong sagot.
“Ano naman ’yang iniisip mo? Bakit parang pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa ’yang mukha mo? Anong nangyari?”
Hindi puwedeng malaman ni Konah ang nangyari. Kapag nalaman niya, tiyak na pipigilan niya akong sumayaw, at mas masakit pa ro’n, malalaman niyang may bahagi sa akin na nabasag.
No one should know what happened that night. It was nothing.Kailangan lang paniwalaan ko iyon.
“Wala. ’Yung recital lang. Iniisip ko kung may tsansa ba akong makuha ’yung lead role.”
Pinilit kong ngumiti, pinilit kong gawing normal ang boses ko.
Kilala niya ako— at mas kilala niya ako kapag nagsisinungaling ako.
“Hindi ’yan ang iniisip mo. “ Diretso niyang sabi.
Kinurot ko ang sarili kong tagiliran, para bang sa sakit ay may lilitaw na dahilan. Pero wala. Tahimik ang isip ko, magulo ang dibdib ko.
“Alam ko na.” bigla niyang sabi.
Napatingin siya sa akin na parang may nahuli, at sa sandaling iyon, muntik na akong bumigay.
“Binubully ka na naman, ’no? Hayaan mo na sila. Huwag mo nang isipin ’yon. Tara, mag-shopping tayo.”
Nagbago ang ekspresyon niya, mula duda, naging saya.
Hindi niya napansin. Thank god.
Hindi ako sanay magsinungaling sa’yo, Konah. Pero may mga katotohanang masyadong mabigat para sabihin, at may mga pagkakamaling mas madaling itago kaysa harapin.
Dahil wala lang ’yon. Isang gabing dapat nang ibaon sa limot.
“Gastusin natin lahat ng pera natin ngayon,” masigla niyang sabi habang iniuugnay ang braso niya sa akin at hinihila ako papasok sa isang mamahaling tindahan.
Sumunod ako.
Ngumiti ako. Nagkunwari akong buo.
Sige. Kalimutan mo na, Tabi.
Kalimutan mo ang gabing iyon. Kalimutan mo ang mga kamay na humawak sa’yo. Kalimutan mo ang mga matang hindi mo na kayang titigan.
Kalimutan mo—
si Ronan.
“Shuta, daig pa natin ang anak ng contractor kung gumastos tayo ngayon. Totoong shopping spree nga ’to! Grabe, nagutom ako sa kakawaldas ng pera, hahaha.”
Puno ng kayabangan ang boses ni Konah, at hindi ko napigilang matawa.
Sa totoo lang, deserve naman namin ang lahat ng pinamili namin. Ngayon lang ulit namin nagastos para sa sarili namin ang perang kinita namin sa club.
This is for us.
“Kain na tayo. Hindi puwedeng nagugutom ang anak ng contractor,” pabiro kong sabi.
Naglakad kami papunta sa isa sa mga kilalang restaurant sa mall, pero bago pa man kami makapasok, bigla akong natigilan. Parang nanigas ang buong katawan ko sa nakita ko.
“Ay, tangina—cheater talaga! “ bulalas ni Konah habang hinihila ako palayo.
Pero nanatili akong nakatingin sa lalaking minahal ko ng ilang taon.
Hindi ko pa rin maintindihan kung paano niya nagawa sa akin ang lahat ng iyon.
Pagkatapos ng hiwalayan namin, paano mo nagawang makipag-date sa parehong babaeng dahilan ng pagkawasak namin? Paano ka naging gano’n kalupit?
“Ang kapal ng mukha ng Evelyn na ’yon. Alam mo, kung hindi lang ako naka-inom ng gamot ko ngayon, baka sinugod ko na sila para sa’yo. Hayaan mo na, kakain tayo sa mas mahal na restaurant,” sunod-sunod na salita ni Konah.
Pero wala ni isa ang pumasok sa isip ko.
Ang tanging nararamdaman ko ay ang matinding kirot sa dibdib.
“Henry… “ halos hindi ko maibulong.
I miss him, pero mas masakit ang alaala niya.
“Ano?” tanong ni Konah, halatang hindi narinig ang sinabi ko.
Nangingilid na ang luha ko. Agad niya itong pinunasan.
“Huwag kang umiyak. Hindi sila worth it. Halika, dito tayo. “
Hinila niya ako papasok sa isang Michelin restaurant, malayo sa lugar kung saan nagde-date sina Henry at Evelyn.
At habang naglalakad ako palayo, wala akong ibang dala kundi mga alaala na pilit kong iniiwan, pero patuloy pa ring sumusunod.
“Table for two, please,” sabi ni Konah. Saglit siyang tumigil bago muling nagsalita. “Wait—can we get the VIP seats?”
“Sure, ma’am. This way.” Ngumiti ang waitress at inakay kami.
“Kaya ba nila ang VIP seats?” pabulong pero puno ng pangmamaliit na sabi ni Konah. “Hindi tulad ng mga hampaslupang malalanding hindi mapakali. Buti na lang talaga, hindi mo pa binibigay ang sarili mo sa lalaking ’yon. ’Yang Everlyn na ’yon, bata pa lang, alam na ang kalakaran. At least ikaw—” tumingin siya sa akin, seryoso, “you’re sacred.”
Parang may biglang huminto sa loob ko.
Virgin? Ako?
Biglang naglaho ang mukha ni Henry sa isip ko, napalitan ng isang alaala—isang gabi, isang lalaking hindi ko dapat iniisip. Si Ronan.
Nanghina ang katawan ko. Nanlamig ang mga kamay ko, at may kakaibang sensasyon na gumapang sa akin, isang alaala na ayaw kong gisingin.
Shit.
“Huy, diba? Virgin tayo. Sacred tayo,” sabi ni Konah sabay hawak sa kamay ko, marahang inalog iyon.
Wala akong nagawa kundi ngumiti at tumango, isang tahimik na pagsang-ayon sa kasinungalingang iyon.
It’s like I was cheating on my virginity.
You know well that you’ve already lost it. Careless b*tch! —at walang ngiti o tango ang makakapagbalik nito.
“Anong gusto mong kainin?” t anong ni Konah habang sinusuri ang menu ng restaurant.
“Ikaw na ang bahala para sa akin,” sagot ko. Tumango siya at muling nag-focus sa pagbabasa.
Ibinaba ko ang mga paper bags na dala namin sa katabing upuan. Sa tapat namin ay isang maliit na private window, kitang-kita namin ang mga tao sa labas, pero kami, hindi nila kita.
Japanese-style ang interior ng lugar, maaliwalas, tahimik. Habang pinagmamasdan ko ang mga dumadaan sa labas, may isang presensya ang biglang kumapit sa puso ko.
It’s Ronan.
Nandito siya.
My heart is beating so fast. Bakit siya nandito?
May kausap siya sa earpiece, parang gamit ng mga bodyguard. Naka-suot pa rin siya ng paborito niyang suit, iyong laging suot niya tuwing nasa club.
Broad daylight? A gigolo?
Sinundan ng mga mata ko ang bawat galaw niya. Mukha siyang nag-iinspeksyon ng paligid bago binuksan ang pinto ng VIP room na pinanggalingan niya. Napansin kong halos maghilom na ang mga sugat niya.
My lips parted nang bumukas ang pinto at lumabas ang babaeng galing sa club. Siya mismo ang lumapit kay Ronan at hinawakan ang kamay nito na parang nobya. Magkasabay silang naglakad palabas patungo sa back exit ng restaurant.
“Ahm, Konah… C.R. lang ako,” nawala sa sarili kong sambit. Kailangan kong malaman kung saan sila pupunta.
“Samahan ba kita?” tanong niya.
“Ano ’to, high school? By twos sa C.R.? Excuse?” pilosopo kong sagot. Agad niya akong inirapan.
“Edi huwag,” aniya.
Tumango ako at nagmamadaling lumabas ng room. Sinundan ko ang dinaanan nila hanggang sa back exit, isang daan na iilan lang ang nakakaalam.
Hindi ba’t para lang ito sa employees?
Tahimik akong sumunod, may sapat na distansya para hindi mahalata. Pagdating sa back parking ng mall, nagtago ako sa gilid ng pader at dahan-dahang sumilip.
Ano bang kabaliwan ’to, Tabitha? I thought you’re avoiding him. Why are you stalking him?
Sumilip akong muli, wala na si Ronan. Ang babae na lang ang nakita kong sumakay sa sasakyan. Bukas ang driver’s window kaya sigurado akong hindi siya nagmamaneho.
Where did he g—
I gasp in complete fear when someone suddenly pulls my arms behind the wall and covers my mouth.
Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang makita ko siya.
Si Ronan.
His tranquil eyes bore into mine. Too close. Too intense. My chest heaves, I can’t breathe.
His gaze… different now. Ang galit niya, barely contained.
“You don’t see anything,” malamig niyang sabi, pointing a finger to his lips. A warning. A threat. A whisper of power.
Before I could even process it, binitiwan niya ako and walked past like nothing happened.
My body freezes. Nanghihina akong napaupo. Nang sumilip ako muli, nakita ko siyang paalis, nakasakay sa malaking black bike, helmet on, like a phantom vanishing into thin air.
What the fuck just happened, Tabitha?
You got caught.
Ronan knows you know something.
And now… he’s aware.
Shit. You messed up.
But somehow… there’s a part of me that can’t stop thinking about him. His presence. His control. His danger.
He’s irresistible.
And deadly.
What is this, Tabitha? Is this you… or Ruby talking?
Bumalik ako sa loob na tila wala sa sarili. Ang isang bagay lang ang umiikot sa isip ko, ang mukha ni Ronan. Was he mad at me?
“Oh my, what happened to you? Did you—tumae ka ba? Ang putla mo, para kang nakakita ng multo,” puna ni Konah pagbalik ko sa loob.
Sinong hindi mamumutla? Buong katawan ko nga’y nanlalamig, nanginginig ang mga tuhod ko dahil sa nangyari kanina.
Hindi ko maintindihan. I don’t know what’s happening to me. With Ronan around, my whole world shivers.
Ganito ba talaga kapag binigay mo ang virginity mo sa lalaking hindi mo mahal? Parang nakalibing ang isang bahagi ng katawan ko sa hukay tuwing malapit siya.
It’s like my lost virginity is haunting me, chasing me with every glance, every touch.
At the same time, there’s this strange pull I can’t name, a forbidden curiosity stirring inside me. A part of me that shouldn’t want him, but does. I try to ignore it, pero bawat tingin niya, bawat kilos niya, parang naglalabas ng isang apoy sa loob ko na hindi ko kayang apulain.
“Ok, we’re done for today! Good job, everyone. Tabi, can I talk to you for a moment? “ Coach Victoria said. Isa-isa nang nagbaba sa stage ang mga kasama ko, pero ako ay naiwan. Hinintay kong lumapit siya, at base sa worried expression na nakasulat sa mukha niya, alam ko na agad kung para saan ang pag-uusapan namin.
“Ahm, sorry coach,” pinangunahan ko na, humihinga ng mabigat. I might not get the role because I’ve been a bit off these past few days… facing a breakup, losing my virginity, and this whole situation with the man I slept with, it’s making me lose my mind. I’m lost.
“Sorry for what ?” tanong niya, bahagyang nagfrown ang eyebrows.
Tiningnan ko siya, hindi na makapaglabas ng salita. Pero ngumiti siya at sinabi, “You don’t have to be sorry, because you’re too good. You got the role you wanted again this time. You’re my star. It would be such a waste to put you as a side character. Ipagkakatiwala ko muli sayo ang main stage. You won’t disappoint me, right?” Tinatapik niya ang balikat ko at ngumiti, bago naglakad palayo, iniwan akong nakatayo sa gitna ng stage.
What?
I got the role?
“Coach? Totoo po? “ tanong ko, halatang nanginginig ang boses.
She glanced at me, winked, and said, “ Of course, darlin’.“ Bago tuluyang umalis, iniwan niya akong nakatayo sa gitna ng ilaw ng stage.
Hindi makapaniwala, napaupo ako sa gitna ng stage, ang puso ko parang sasabog sa sobrang saya. Lahat ng alon ng takot, pagdududa, at lungkot na bumalot sa akin nitong mga nakaraang araw, bigla nitong nawala.
I lay back, staring up at the bright lights above, feeling a warmth spread through me that I hadn’t felt in a long time. This is more than just a role, it’s proof that I can rise above the chaos in my life. That despite the heartbreak, despite the mistakes, I am still capable of greatness.
“I got the role!!!” I shouted, laughter spilling from my lips, mingling with tears of relief. My chest swelled with pride, my heart felt lighter than it had in weeks. In that moment, I felt unstoppable. I had conquered my doubts, my fears, and for the first time in a long time, I truly believed in myself again.
“Let’s light the fire on the stage this midnight, because we all know what is about to set us ablaze. Our Midnight Ballerina, Ruby!!!!” I was introduced again, the roar of the crowd like electricity in my veins. I stepped out, feeling that familiar rush, joy intertwined with adrenaline, the only place I truly belonged.
I started dancing, every movement precise, owning the stage, but this time, every step carried caution.
No more mistakes, Tabitha—no, Ruby.
As I moved, I fought the familiar, forbidden urge to glance at the VIP area. My body ached with a secret hope, hoping, praying even, that Ronan might be there tonight.
Gusto ko siyang makita, pero kasabay nito, I silently begged he wouldn’t show up. I was trying, desperately trying, to heal, to forget, to forgive myself.
Facing him now, facing what I had done, would only pull me back into the chaos I was struggling to escape. Please, just leave my life, Ronan. We were never meant to touch in the first place.
Seeing the VIP seats empty, him gone, and even that lady who was always with him, I finally exhaled. My shoulders relaxed, my heart slowed, and I smiled through the spotlight. Remember, you’re the Midnight Ballerina. This is your stage. Own it. Ruby.
“Ruby.”
The single word ignited a wildfire in my veins.
I dropped the robe I’d been clutching in the dressing room. My muscles stiffened, my heart threatening to explode. He was here, the one I had prayed would vanish from my life, the one I’d tried so hard to bury in memory.
And yet… here he was. Standing in front of my vanity table, holding that red lace mask—the same one from the night our bodies had betrayed every shred of reason, when desire had swallowed us whole.
A living, breathing nightmare, and yet, impossibly, a temptation I couldn’t resist.
“You’re Ruby, the Midnight Ballerina… remember me? We had sex. “
The words were a spark thrown onto dry kindling. My chest tightened, my knees weakened, my body screamed to flee, but my mind betrayed me, craving him in ways I wasn’t supposed to. Shame and hunger collided, scorching through every nerve.
I wanted to run, and yet every inch of me burned with a need I couldn’t deny. My fingers twitched, aching to reach him, to feel that dangerous closeness again. My breaths came ragged, my pulse pounding like the drumbeats of a relentless symphony.
I was doomed. Completely, maddeningly, deliciously doomed.
“I think I’m losing my mind, “ he murmured, his voice low and dangerous as he closed the distance between us. Every step felt deliberate, like he was pulling me into something I’d been fighting for far too long.
“Hindi ka mawala-wala sa isip ko,” he breathed, his words brushing my skin like a promise. “Mababaliw ako kapag hindi kita nakita muli.”
His lips found mine in a heartbeat, soft at first, tasting, claiming, sending a slow, wicked heat through my veins.
I should have pulled away. I should have stopped him.
But my body betrayed me, melting into the kiss as if it had been waiting for this exact moment.
Because deep inside, I knew… this wasn’t the first time his lips had undone me.
I had been craving this kiss long before it ever happened.
DAWNVELLICHOR
12- 13- 2025
CHAPTER 10(LITTLE TABI
) WILL DROPS ON SATURDAY JANUARY 03, 2026 09:30PM
CHAPTER TEN : LITTLE TABI
“A mother’s arms are more comforting than anyone else’s.”
— Princess Diana
LITTLE TABI
RONAN
“Ronan, bro, are you there?”
Boses ni Miguel iyon. Rinig ko siya, kanina pa siyang kumakatok sa pinto ng apartment ko, but I didn’t answer. Nakatulala lang ako sa kisame, parang bangkay na humihinga.
Sobrang puyat na puyat ako. Umuwi ako ng alas-dose, umaasang makakatulog kahit saglit lang, pero tangina , my mind betrayed me. Hindi ako nakatulog. Kahit idlip, wala.
Walang ibang umiikot sa isip ko kundi ang gabing pinagsaluhan namin ng Midnight Ballerina na iyon. Paulit-ulit. Walang pahinga.
Bawat beses na sumisilip ang mukha niya sa isip ko, bumibilis ang tibok ng puso ko. Hindi ako makapag-isip nang maayos. Hindi ako makagalaw. Tamad na tamad akong isipin ang ibang bagay sa buhay ko. Ang gusto lang ng utak ko, makita siya ulit. Mahawakan siya. Maramdaman ang paghila na katulad noong gabing iyon.
I’m fucked up.
“Tangina, Ronan, alam kong nandiyan ka! Pinuntahan kita sa mga raket mo, wala ka. Lumabas ka na r’yan, kung hindi sisirain ko na itong pinto mo!”
Fine. He’s pissed now..
Mahina, tamad, tumayo ako at binuksan ang pinto, at sinalubong ako ng suntok niya sa mukha.
“Agh, shit.” Nilasahan ko ang gilid ng labi ko. May lasa ng dugo. Ano bang problema ng gagong ’to?
“Putangina mo. Kanina pa ako dito,” singhal niya habang pumapasok at agad umuupo sa gilid ng kama ko.
Ang apartment ko? Literal na pinto, kama, at banyo lang. Maliit as fuck.
“Fuck you. Ano bang problema mo? Bakit ka nandito? It’s like five in the fucking morning, asshole,” singhal ko habang kinukuha ang bottled water sa maliit na side table at nilalagok iyon.
“Ikaw ang tanong. Ano’ng problema mo?” kunot-noo niyang sabi. “Bakit ang lalim na naman ng eyebags mo? Hindi ka na naman natulog?”
Oo. Hindi na ako nakakatulog nang maayos for almost a week now.
Humiga ulit ako sa kama at itinulak siya palayo sa gilid nito. “ Kung wala kang sasabihing importante, umalis ka na. Susubukan kong matulog.“
Naiirita na ako sa presensya niya, at lalo na sa katotohanang hindi ako makatulog kahit pagod na pagod na ang katawan ko.
“Tanga, kailangan mo ako,” singhal niya. “Diba nung nakaraan, nakiusap ka sa’kin na hanapan kita ng raket sa restaurant ng pinsan ko? Ayun na, naipasok na kita.”
Hinila niya ang unan mula sa ulo ko. Napaupo ako at agad siyang hinarap.
“Salamat. Kailan daw ako magsisimula? “ tanong ko. I need that job.
“Bukas agad.”
Nagbuntong-hininga siya at umupo sa tabi ko. “Ewan ko ba sa’yo. Kung makahanap ka ng trabaho, parang may binubuhay kang tatlong pamilya,” sabi niya habang nakatitig sa mga flyers na inipon ko mula sa job fair na pinuntahan ko last month. “Samantalang ang yaman-yaman ng tatay mo. Kayang-kaya n’yo namang bilhin ang mga pinagtatrabahuhan mo.”
Parang mas bumigat ang pakiramdam ko sa narinig ko. “ He’s not my dad anymore.“ Napasinghal ako. “Wala na akong ama. Matagal na.”
“How about your mom?” tanong niya, halatang may pag-aalala sa mukha niya.
Iniwasan ko ang tingin niya.
“Ayaw pa rin ba niyang iwan ang dad mo?” dagdag niya.
Labag man sa loob ko, tumango ako.
Florence doesn’t fucking want to leave that jerk, and it’s ruining my plan.
“Ilan pa ba ang kulang sa ipon mo para makabili ka ng bahay para sa’yo at sa mama mo?” sabi niya habang tinatapik ang balikat ko. “Dagdagan ko na kaya, para hindi ka na nagpapakamatay sa pagtatrabaho.”
Alam kong totoo ang alok niya. Alam kong sincere siya. Pero gusto kong gawin lahat ng ito sa sarili kong pagsisikap.
“Hindi na. Konti na lang naman, mabubuo ko na ang kailangan kong pera,” sagot ko.
“Basta, kapag kailangan mo ng tulong, sabihan mo lang ako,” sabi niya. “Isa pa, may dala akong vitamins.” Inabot niya iyon sa’kin. “Uminom ka. Baka bukas-makalawa mabalitaan ko na lang na patay ka na sa sobrang pagtatrabaho.”
Napatawa siya nang mahina.
Miguel is a true friend, and I’m just fucking lucky to still have him by my side.
“Oh, bakit nandito ka? Wala si Madam ah, “ bungad sa’kin ng security guard ng Midnight Club.
Tama siya. Wala naman talaga akong dahilan para bumalik dito.
Pero isa lang ang malinaw sa’kin ngayon.
I want to see her again, the Midnight Ballerina.
Hindi lang basta makita. Kailangan ko siyang makita. Pakiramdam ko, may kulang sa’kin simula noong gabing iyon, parang may bahagi ng sarili ko na naiwan sa kanya. At kung hindi ko siya mahahanap ngayon, baka tuluyan na akong mawala.
Hindi siya umaalis sa isip ko. Sa bawat segundo, sa bawat hinga, siya. Hindi ko na maibalik ang sarili ko sa dati. Hindi pa. Hindi hangga’t hindi ko siya muling nakikita.
Kailangan kong maintindihan kung ano’ng nangyayari sa’kin. Dahil pakiramdam ko, hindi na ako ang taong kilala ko noon.
I want to see her.
Hindi lang ng mata, kundi ng buo. My body feels restless, my soul unsettled, parang may humihila sa’kin pabalik sa kanya, paulit-ulit.
Baka mukha akong desperado. Baka isipin ng iba na isa lang akong lalaking nahumaling. Pero wala na akong pakialam sa kung ano’ng tingin nila.
Ang alam ko lang, hinahanap siya ng buong pagkatao ko.
Whatever happens after this,
I just need—no, I want to see her.
“Paano ako makakapunta sa dressing room?” tanong ko kay Doms pag-upo ko sa harap ng bar counter.
Kunot-noo niya akong tiningnan bago agad sumagot. “Hindi ka makakapasok doon, pre. Lalo na Midnight Ballerina night ngayon. Bawal.”
Huminga ako nang malalim. “Wala bang ibang paraan? Baka naman may alam ka, Doms. Kailangan ko lang makausap si Ruby.”
Napangisi siya. “Ay oo nga pala, nung nakaraang Friday, ano ginawa mo? Saan mo dinala si Ruby? Naiuwi mo ba? Masarap ba—”
“Doms.” Pinutol ko siya. “Paano makapasok doon?” Tahimik kong inilapag ang dalawang libo sa harap niya.
Napatigil siya, saka napangiti nang makita ang pera. “Kita mo ’yon?” tinuro niya ang isang lalaki. “Si Mamang. Siya ang manager ng mga strippers dito. Siya lang ang makakapagbigay sa’yo ng karapatang makapasok sa dressing room, kung mapapayag mo siya. Malabo… pero naniniwala ako sa charm mo, pre. Good luck.”
Minasahe niya ang balikat ko.
Sinundan ko ang direksyon ng tingin niya at nakita ko si Mamang, abala sa pakikipag-flirt sa isang VIP client.
What to do, Ronan. Isip.
Huminga ako nang malalim at sumulyap sa relo ko. Malapit na mag-midnight. I need to move.
“Excuse me.”
Huminto siya sa paglalandi at tumingin sa’kin. “Yes?” malandi niyang sagot habang sinusuri ako mula ulo hanggang paa.
Ah.
He’s gay.
“Pwede ba kitang makausap sandali?”
Ngumiti siya at nagpaalam sa VIP client. “Excuse me, dear. I just need to talk to him. I’ll be back later, okay?” sabay bigay ng flying kiss. Inakbayan niya ako at hinila sa gilid. “So, ano ’yan, be? Ano gusto mong pag-usapan natin?”
Muli niya akong tinignan. “ Magkano isang gabi? BJ lang ba? O gusto mo akong tira—“
“Sorry,” mabilis kong singit. “Hindi ’yan ang dahilan kung bakit gusto kitang makausap.”
Biglang nawala ang ngiti niya. Nagkibit-balikat siya. “Ah… gusto mong makatikim sa mga girls ko? Oh siya sino?”
“Ruby.”
Nanlaki ang mata niya at agad umiling. “ Ah—no. Hindi puwede. Hindi available si Ruby. Hindi siya pang-one-night stand. Hanap ka na lang ng iba, be.“
“Hindi,” mariin kong sabi. “Gusto ko lang siyang makausap. I’m not here to have sex with her ag—-I mean…” Muntik na akong madulas. “Hindi ito tungkol sa sex.”
Tiningnan niya ako nang matagal. “Hindi talaga puwede. Super private staff namin si Ruby.”
Papalayo na siya nang pigilan ko.
“Please. I just want to give this back to her.”
Inilabas ko ang pulang lace mask.
“Ay! Bakit nasa’yo ’yan?!” gulat niyang tanong.
“Nahulog niya sa parking last week,” mabilis kong sagot. “I was about to give it back, pero nakaalis na siya.”
“Kilala mo ba siya personally?”
Should I lie?
If that’s the only way. Yes!
“Y-yes.”
Huminga siya nang malalim. “Sige. Pagbibigyan kita. Pero first and last mo na ’to. Pagkatapos ng sayaw niya, pasok ka sa dressing room. Walang ibang dancer doon. Iabot mo ’yan—tapos chupe ka na agad.”
“Salamat,” mahina kong sabi.
“Pasalamat ka pogi ka ,” sabay pisil sa pisngi ko.
Nag-usap siya sa mga bouncer at itinuro ako. Tumango ang mga ito at sinenyasan akong pumwesto sa may pinto ng dressing room.
Hindi ako makapaniwala.
“Maghintay ka dito, “ bulong ng bouncer. “Papapasukin ka kapag lumabas na ang ibang girls.”
Nang marinig kong ini-introduce na ulit si Ruby sa main stage, nanikip ang dibdib ko.
She danced like she owned the night. At muli, nawala ako sa mga mata niya.
Paglabas ng ibang strippers, pinapasok ako.
Pagpasok ko sa dressing room, parang huminto ang tibok ng puso ko.
Alam kong vanity table niya iyon nandoon ang mga lace mask. At ang pangalan niya.
Ruby.
Inilabas ko ang pulang mask. Kasabay noon, bumukas ang pinto.
Pumasok siya.
“Ruby.” I’m almost out of breath as I called her name. I don’t even know if that’s her real name, but it makes me weak, my whole body shivers in total nervousness.
She dropped her robe and she looked stunned by seeing me here.
I watch her lips parted and total shock written all over her hidden face but I can completely read her beautiful eyes.
Kumuha ako ng lakas ng loob upang magsalita muli, kahit sobrang naninikip na ang dibdib ko dahil sa matinding kaba, ang ganda mo.
Just like how I always think of you, “You’re Ruby, the Midnight Ballerina… remember me? We had sex.”
My chest tightened, my knees weakened, my body screamed to flee, fuck, I want her. I shamelessly want her right now.
“I think I’m losing my mind,” I murmured, my voice was low and dangerous as I closed the distance between us.
Every step felt deliberate, like she was pulling me into something I’d been fighting for far too long. Hindi ako ito, I don’t even know myself right now. I’m crazy.
“Hindi ka mawala-wala sa isip ko,” I breathed. “Mababaliw ako kapag hindi kita nakita muli.” and that’s f*cking true.
I don’t know how, but I might completely die if I can’t have those lips again. My lips found her in a heartbeat, soft at first, tasting, claiming, sending a slow, wicked heat through my veins. Tasting it again, was the end of me.
I lose control over my whole system. It was moving against the laws inside my mind. I pull her closer to my body, feeling every heat that her body produces.
Her small waist was perfectly in my palm, I could smell her scent like home. She was a taste of a sin I was never meant to commit.
F*ck, “Y-you left your mask,” I whisper between our kisses, taking each other air like their lives depend on it.
Inabot ko ito sa kanya, at habang pinagsasaluhan namin ang mainit na halik, kinuha niya ito mula sa aking kamay, I wrapped my arms around her waist and pull him closer as our body almost became as one.
“This is w-wrong.” She mumbled.
“I know.” I whispered back.
“You should go, they are coming back any minute now.” She said, I was drowning in our kisses that I don’t even let that sink into my mind.
I pull her towards her vanity table and have her seat in it. Me between her thighs and our kisses became deeper, my sinful palm crawling to her legs up to her hips and the other caress her soft cheeks.
I want to see her face.
I was about to remove her mask when she forcedly pushed me away and tightly held her mask.
“You should go, thank you for bringing this back but this should stop. Stop seeing me again. Please.” she breathlessly said and before I could even speak the bouncer opened the door and asked.
“May problema ba?” tanong nito. “He should leave, before the other girls arrive, please leave.” She avoided my gaze and didn’t look back.
“Labas na pare.” the bouncer said. Wala akong nagawa ng hilain ako palabas at hanggang sa mag sarado ang pinto tanging ang likod lang niya ang nakita ko.
Stop seeing her again?
I might die.
From C :
Can I see you tonight? In the usual hotel. Bring condoms.
Huminga ako ng malalim ng matapos kong basahin ang text message ni C. Hindi ako pwede mamaya, may trabaho ako.
“Ok class, class dismiss.” The prof said, wala gana at antok na antok akong tumayo, binuhat ang bag ko at palabas na sana ng classroom ng tawagin ako ng prof.
“Mr. Fierro.” He said, lumingon ako sa kanya at sinenyasan niya akong lumapit sa kanya.
Nakangiti akong tinapik niya sa braso bago ako pinuri.
“Hindi ko mapagkakaila ang ganda ng ginawa ninyo ni Miss Jimenez sa project ninyo. Malinis ang pagkakagawa, pulido, parang pang–graduate school level. Great job. Maaari ko itong irekomenda sa ilang authorities na posibleng magbigay sa inyo ng opportunity after college.”
Kumunot ang noo ko.
Project?
Hindi ba wala pa kaming nagagawa? Halos hindi nga kami nagkikita—siya laging nasa training, ako naman busy sa mga raket ko.
Huwag mong sabihing… ginawa niya lahat mag-isa?
“Iyon lang ang gusto kong sabihin, Mr. Fierro. Maaari ka nang umalis.”
Ngumiti siya—yung ngiting parang proud na proud na guro—bago tuluyang lumabas ng silid. Naiwan akong nakatayo roon, lutang.
Tapos na ang project namin? Did she really do that all alone?
Bakit hindi niya man lang sinabi sa akin? At bakit hindi pa siya pumapasok sa klaseng ’to simula nung nagkaroon ng grouping?
Kailangan ko siyang kausapin.
Nasaan siya?
Ah, malamang sa auditorium.
Ilang minutong lakad lang mula sa college building, narating ko na ang auditorium. Nasa labas pa lang ako, rinig ko na ang musika mula sa loob.
That sounds familiar.
Is that… Swan Lake ?
So ito pala ang pinaghandaan nilang performance.
Pagpasok ko, naabutan ko siyang sumasayaw sa gitna ng entablado. At bigla, may kumirot sa dibdib ko, isang pamilyar na pakiramdam na hindi ko maipaliwanag, habang pinapanood ko siyang gumalaw nang tila walang bigat, parang isinilang para sa sayaw.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit parang may kung anong humahatak sa alaala ko, pero malinaw ang isang bagay, ang husay niya. Natural. Effortless.
Kaya pala lagi siyang nakakakuha ng lead roles.
Bakit mo alam ’yan, Ronan? tanong ko sa sarili ko.
Napanood ko lang naman siyang sumayaw minsan, lead role siya noon, kaya siguro in-assume ko na lang na palagi siyang nasa unahan.
“Okay, quick break muna tayo. Water break.”
Isang middle-aged na babae ang nagsalita. Tumigil ang tugtog. Sinundan ko ng tingin si Jimenez habang papunta siya sa backstage.
Naglakad ako palapit at sumunod, hanggang sa nakita ko ang ayaw kong makita.
Binubully na naman siya.
Lalapit pa lang sana ako nang bigla niyang itinulak ang isa sa mga babae. Tatalikod na sana siya para umalis, pero bigla siyang sinadya, pinatirin.
“Jimenez!” sigaw ko.
Pero huli na.
Bumulagta siya sa sahig. Isang matalim na bagay mula sa backstage ang tumama sa bukung-bukong niya. Agad kumalat ang dugo sa sahig.
“Oh shit!” gulat na sambit ng mga babae bago sila nagtakbuhang palayo.
Nang silipin ni Jimenez ang kanyang paa, napasigaw siya, takot at sakit na naghalo sa isang iyak na bumiyak sa dibdib ko.
“What’s happening? “ sigaw ng coach nilang papalapit.
“Oh my gosh—!”
Hindi na ako nag-isip pa. Nilapitan ko siya agad, hinubad ang suot kong shirt at ibinalot sa sugat ng bukung-bukong niya. Maingat ko siyang binuhat palabas ng auditorium.
Mahigpit ang kapit niya sa akin, nakatago ang mukha niya sa leeg ko.
Ramdam ko ang luha niyang dumadaloy, mainit sa balat ko.
“Hold on,” bulong ko. “Malapit na tayo.”
Nanginginig siya sa takot.
At bago pa kami tuluyang makarating sa clinic, bigla siyang nanlambot sa mga bisig ko.
“Jimenez?!”
Fuck.
“Nasaan ang anak ko? Where is Tabi?”
Malumanay ang boses ng magandang babaeng kakarating pa lang, pero bakas doon ang takot,ang klase ng pangamba na hindi na kayang itago ng kahit anong composure.
Dahan-dahan akong tumayo at hinarap siya.
“Good evening po,” bati ko.
Ngumiti siya ng bahagya bago magsalita. “You’re her classmate?” tanong niya, saka inilapag ang kamay sa balikat ko. “Ikaw ba ang nagdala sa kanya dito? Thank you, iho.”
Bago pa ako makasagot, marahan niya akong hinila palapit at niyakap, isang yakap na puno ng pasasalamat, na para bang may bahaging gumaan sa dibdib niya.
“Walang anuman ho,” mahinahon kong sambit.
“Mrs. Jimenez?” tawag ng doktor.
Marahang tinapik niya ang balikat ko bago hinarap ang doktor. “How is she?” Tanong niya, halos pabulong—pero ang takot sa mga mata niya ay kakaiba. Hindi iyon simpleng pag-aalala ng isang ina. Mas malalim. Mas personal.
“She’s just experiencing overfatigue,” paliwanag ng doktor. “But as you know, her condition doesn’t allow very strenuous activities. She needs to be closely monitored, just as Dr. Lynus advised. She’s resting now and should be awake any minute. As for the wound on her foot, it’s already been cleaned, but it will take some time to heal. There should be no active footwork for now—even the recital is not advisable for at least a month. The cut was quite deep and required a few stitches. Please make sure she continues her medication and gets proper rest.”
Condition?
“I understand. Thank you,” sagot ni Mrs. Jimenez.
Pag-alis ng doktor, hinarap niya ako at muling ngumiti, ngiting pilit, pero puno ng lakas. “Let’s go inside.”
Tumango ako at sumunod sa kanya papasok sa silid kung nasaan si Jimenez, nakahiga, payapa, parang walang kaalam-alam sa bigat na pasan ng mundo.
“Ahm… maybe I should be going, ma’am,” maingat kong paalam. “Hinahatid ko lang po talaga siya. Nandito na po kayo—”
Binalewala niya ang sinabi ko. “Friend ka ba niya sa school?” t anong niya. “Wala kasi akong ibang kilalang kaibigan ni Tabi bukod kay Konah. What’s your name?”
“Ronan Fierro,” sagot ko.
Tahimik siyang tumango. Lumapit siya sa kama at tinitigan ang anak niya, parang sinusubukang iukit sa puso ang bawat paghinga nito.
“Ronan…” mahina niyang sambit. “My little Tabi… she’s not just a normal lady.”
Nanikip ang dibdib ko.
“My girl,” patuloy niya, halos pabulong na, “has a weak blood.”
Why is she telling me this?
Napatingin ako kay Jimenez, ang mala-anghel niyang mukha, mapayapa, inosente. Biglang kumirot ang dibdib ko sa alaala ng mga nangyari kanina.
What did she ever do, bulong ng isip ko, for them to treat her that way?
“Weak blood?” mahina kong tanong.
Huminga siya nang malalim, tila binabalikan ang lahat ng sakit. “I gave birth to her when I was in a very bad place in my life,” umpisa niya. “Wala akong gabay. Wala akong alam sa pagpapalaki ng bata. I blamed myself… every single day.”
Huminto siya saglit, saka muling nagsalita, nanginginig ang boses. “When she was still a toddler, we found out she has sickle cell disease. Since then, fragile na siya. Every fever scares me. Every bruise breaks my heart.”
Napapikit siya sandali. “She’s our life, Ronan. She may act strong, may tapang siyang hindi mo aakalaing galing sa isang babaeng gano’n kahina… pero my little Tabi has weak blood.”
Tumingin siya sa akin, halos nagmamakaawa. “So if you don’t mind… please look after her for us when she’s at school. Kahit hindi niya sabihin, kahit magpanggap siyang okay… she needs someone.”
Wala akong masabi. Wala akong magawa kundi tumango—wala sa sarili—habang muling bumabalik ang tingin ko kay Jimenez.
How did I get this close to you?
We don’t even talk at school.
“Thank you, Ronan,” sabi ni Mrs. Jimenez, may ngiting may luha.
Tumango ako. Biglang nag-vibrate ang phone ko.
“Ma’am, I’ll just check this. Babalik po ako,” paalam ko.
Tumango siya. Paglabas ko ng silid, binuksan ko ang mensahe.
It’s from Celestine.
From C:
Why are you not answering my calls and texts? Are you leaving me?
I’ll kill myself if you leave me.
See me. Now.
DAWNVELLICHOR
01- 10- 2026
CHAPTER 11 WILL DROPS ON SATURDAY JANUARY 18, 2026 09:30PM
CHAPTER ELEVEN : LIFE SUCKS
“Sometimes the people with the kindest hearts are dealt the hardest hands.” —
Harlan Coben
LIFE SUCKS
TABITHA
“Tabi, you have to understand that the cut on your foot is serious. If you push it, it might get worse, anak.”
Parang dinudurog ang puso ko habang nakayuko, nakatitig sa kaliwa kong paa na hanggang ngayon ay balot pa rin ng makapal na bandage.
This is a nightmare. I wanna wake up.
Tumulo ang mga luha ko habang patuloy ko itong pinagmamasdan.
“Tabi, princess, are you listening to your mom? This is for your sake, honey,” malumanay na sambit ni Dad.
Hindi ito panaginip. This is really happening.
“How am I supposed to perform in our recital?” basag ang boses ko, nasa bingit na naman ng pag-iyak. Isang linggo na ang lumipas, at wala akong ginawa kundi magpahinga—pilit iniiwasan ang katotohanang ang paa ko ay sugatan, at para bang wala nang silbi para sa paparating naming Swan Lake recital.
“Ms. Victoria already called. She wants you to rest and focus on healing,” sagot ni Dad.
Dahan-dahan kong itinaas ang ulo ko at tumingin sa mga mata niya.
“Pinalitan na ba ako sa posisyon ko sa recital, Dad?” tanong ko.
Alam ko na ang sagot. Alam kong dudurog ito sa akin. Pero kailangan ko pa ring marinig mula sa kanila.
Sa isang iglap, umiwas si Dad sa tingin ko. Mariin ang pagkakakuyom ng panga niya bago siya tumango. Alam niyang masasaktan ako.
Bumuhos ang luha ko, kahit anong pilit kong pigilan. Nilapitan ako ni Mama at niyakap nang mahigpit.
“There will be a lot of next times, anak. This is not the end of everything,” mahinahon niyang sabi. “You are the best ballerina in the school. One recital won’t define you or your weakness. You’ll have more chances after you heal. This is for your sake, anak. We can’t risk anything by forcing Swan Lake . Marami pang pagkakataon.”
Hinalikan niya ang noo ko habang pilit pinapahid ang walang tigil kong luha.
“Tama ang mom mo, princess,” dagdag ni Dad habang pinupunasan din ang pisngi ko at hinahalikan ang ulo ko. “You’ll have thousands of chances after this. For now, let it be, baby.”
At doon ako tuluyang gumuho sa mga bisig nila.
I almost had it.
Malapit na ako.
Nasa kamay ko na—pero nawala pa.
I wanted that role so badly.
“Mamaaaa…” hagulgol ko, parang batang walang ibang alam kundi umiyak sa yakap ng mga magulang niya, hanggang sa mapagod ako… at muling manhid ang lahat.
“I didn’t want this to happen. You’re my perfect Swan Lake princess,” mahinahong sabi ni Coach. “But things happen in unexpected ways, iha. You need to take a break—and maybe situations like this happen because something greater is waiting for you. Don’t worry, you’ll always be my star. For now, Kelly will be taking your place as the Swan Lake princess. I hope you’ll continue to support the team.”
Walang kaalam-alam si Coach na ang babaeng ipinalit niya sa posisyon ko ay siya ring dahilan kung bakit hindi na ako makakasayaw sa Swan Lake recital namin.
Marami akong puwedeng sabihin. Puwede kong ilabas ang lahat ng nangyari. Pero pinili kong manahimik.
Wala na rin naman akong mapapala. Injured na ako—kahit isumbong ko pa si Kelly, hindi na rin mababalik ang posisyon ko sa recital.
It’s already too late.
“I understand, Coach,” sagot ko, pilit na kinakalma ang sarili. “Don’t worry, I’ll get better sooner or later, and I’ll come back as if nothing happened.”
Isang pilit na ngiti ang sumilay sa labi ko bago ako tumayo, hawak ang saklay na tumutulong sa akin makalakad—dahil hindi ko kayang iasa ang bigat ng katawan ko sa injured kong kaliwang paa.
“Thank you, darling. Get well soon,” sabi niya.
Tumango lang ako bago tuluyang lumabas ng opisina niya.
Pagkalabas ko, napadaan ako sa auditorium. Naroon si Kelly—nasa gitna ng entablado, nagsasanay bilang bagong Swan Lake princess.
Gusto kong magalit.
Gusto kong maghiganti.
Pero napagtanto kong wala rin akong mapapala kung gagawin ko iyon. At higit sa lahat, hindi ganoon ang pagpapalaki sa akin ng mga magulang ko. Kaya tinanggap ko na lang ang katotohanang minsan, life is unfair—lalo na sa mga taong nananatiling mabait.
Sometimes life sucks for kind people too.
Umalis ako ng campus at nagtungo sa isang café malapit sa Midnight Club. Matagal ko na itong napapansin, pero hindi ko kailanman naaya si Konah dahil sa sobrang pagka-busy namin. Ngayon, parang sobra-sobra pa ang oras na hawak ko—kaya dito ko na lang ito papatayin.
Wala na rin naman akong ganang pumasok sa afternoon class. Ayoko ring pagtinginan at kaawaan ng mga kaklase ko dahil sa saklay na dala ko.
So I’ll just stay here for now.
Heal.
And let time do what it needs to do.
“Ay, sorry!” Pagkabukas ko pa lang ng pinto ng café, bumangga na agad ako sa taong kasalubong ko. Kung minamalas ka nga naman, oh.
“No, it’s my fault— Jimenez?”
Napatigil ako nang maramdaman kong inalalayan niya ang likuran ko, parang kusang reflex para hindi ako mawalan ng balanse. Sandali… pamilyar ang boses na ’yon.
Dahan-dahan kong inangat ang ulo ko—at doon ko napagtanto kung sino ang nabangga ko.
This is really not my week.
Sa lahat ng puwedeng makasalubong, siya pa. Ang taong pilit kong iniiwasan.
“Ronan,” gulat kong sambit, kahit pilit kong tinatago ang reaksyon ko.
Act normal, Tabitha.
“How are you?” tanong niya. “Masakit pa rin ba ang sugat mo?” Napansin kong nakatuon ang tingin niya sa paa ko, sa bandage na hindi ko na maitatago.
“Okay lang ako,” sagot ko agad. “Kailangan lang ng alalay sa paglalakad.” Sandaling huminto ang boses ko bago ko idinagdag, “Ah—salamat pala sa pagdala sa akin sa hospital. Thanks.”
Hindi ko siya tinignan. Pakiramdam ko, sapat na ang pasasalamat na ’yon. Wala na akong kailangang sabihin pa.
Mabilis akong nagtangkang pumasok sa loob ng café—hanggang sa mapansin ko ang suot niyang uniforme.
Sandali… Nagta-trabaho siya rito?
“You work here?” napatanong ako.
Nagtagpo ang mga mata namin, at nakita ko ang munting ngiting sumilay sa labi niya. Shit. Huwag kang bibigay, Tabitha.
Hindi ka marupok.
“Yes,” sagot niya. “Are you here for a drink? Come, I’ll help you find your seat.”
Iniabot niya ang kamay niya—pero mabilis ko iyong iniwas.
“No,” bigla kong sabi. “Nagbago na isip ko. Pinapauwi pala ako ni Mama ng maaga. Can you just help me call a taxi?”
Saglit siyang natigilan, bakas ang gulat sa mukha niya sa pag-iwas ko, pero hindi na niya iyon pinansin.
Tumango siya—at doon ko napansin ang pasa sa pisngi niya, pati sa gilid ng noo.
Binugbog ba siya ulit?
Akala ko ba gusto niya ak— I mean… si Ruby.
Pero bakit parang may kung anong kumurot sa dibdib ko sa isip na iyon? Bakit parang biglang hindi ako mapalagay?
Was he playing with Ruby?
“Here,” sabi niya, “nandito na yung taxi. Halika, tulungan na kitang maglak—”
“Kaya ko,” putol ko, mas matalas ang boses kaysa sa balak ko. “Thanks. Bye.”
Alam kong bastos ang tunog—pero wala akong pakialam. Naiinis ako. At mas naiirita ako dahil hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit.
Sumakay ako ng taxi at hindi na lumingon, kahit ramdam kong nakatingin pa rin siya sa akin hanggang sa tuluyang umandar ang sasakyan.
Bakit ka nabubuhay ng ganyan, Ronan?
At bakit ako naiirita sa bawat desisyon mo— bakit parang may mali sa pakiramdam na baka may nahuhulog na sa’yo?
No.
Hindi ’yon totoo.
This is just a fixation. Wala lang ’to.
…Right?
RONAN
“Hoy, pre, tulala ka na naman diyan. Out na ako—ikaw na bahala rito ah. Mamaya baka dumating yung mga matitigas na ulong bata, yung pasimpleng magnanakaw ng beer sa ref. Ikaw na bahala, may pulis naman sa kabila,” sambit ng kapalitan ko sa trabaho.
Pagkatapos ng shift ko sa café, diretso naman ako rito sa convenience store malapit pa rin sa Midnight Club. Walang magawa—may available eh.
“Sige, ingat,” sagot ko bago ako tumuon sa mga pumapasok na customer.
Night shift ulit. Ibig sabihin, wala na namang tulugan, Ronan.
Huminga ako nang malalim at isinandabi ang salitang pahinga .
“Good evening po, ma’am. Bali one hundred fifty po lahat.”
“Here,” sagot niya, sabay abot ng isang libo habang naninigarilyo sa harap ko.
“Ma’am, may mas maliit ho ba kayong amount?” tanong ko habang tinitingnan ang cash register. Wala akong panukli.
“Ano ba ’tong store na ’to? Nagtitinda kayo pero wala kayong panukli?” iritableng sabi niya bago kumuha ng dalawang daan sa bag at pahagis na inabot sa akin.
Tinanggap ko iyon, pilit pinananatiling kalmado ang sarili. “Thank you ho,” sabi ko, sabay abot ng sukling singkwenta.
Tinignan niya lang ako, umirap, at umalis.
“Walang kwenta.”
Rinig ko ang bulong niya habang papalayo.
Huminga ako nang malalim at hinayaan na lang. Trabaho lang. Palagi namang ganito.
Lumalim ang gabi—at tama nga ang sinabi ni Frank.
Pumasok ang mga batang nasa kinse hanggang katorse ang edad. Diretso agad sila sa ref, kumuha ng mga beer, at lumapit sa counter.
“Magkano ’to?” tanong ng matabang bata, pilit akong tinitigan nang masama para takutin.
“Hindi ’to pwedeng ibenta sa inyo. Wala pa kayo sa tamang eda—”
Hindi ko na natapos ang sasabihin ko.
Bigla akong hinampas ng bote sa ulo ng isa sa kanila. Tumakbo silang palabas, dala ang mga ninakaw na beer.
“Shit.”
Nanlabo ang paningin ko saglit. Sinubukan kong habulin sila pero biglang kumirot ang ulo ko—at naramdaman ko ang mainit na dugong tumutulo.
Wala akong nagawa kundi bumalik sa loob ng store.
“Nako, anong nangyari sa’yo, iho?”
May pumasok na matandang lalaki at agad akong nilapitan.
“Nasa’n ang first aid kit niyo?” tanong niya.
Itinuro ko ang nasa ilalim ng counter. Kinuha niya iyon at tinulungan akong linisin ang sugat, nilagyan ng benda.
“Maraming loko-lokong bata ngayon. ’Wag kang papalako,” sabi niya. “Ayan, okay na.”
“Salamat ho,” sagot ko.
Ngumiti siya, ibinalik ang kit sa ilalim ng counter, saka bumalik sa harap ko.
“Oh, linisan mo ulit ’yan pagkatapos ng trabaho mo. Mauuna na ako, iho. Salamat ah.”
Tinapik niya ang balikat ko bago umalis.
Nanatili muna akong nakaupo sandali, bago tumayo para kumuha ng walis at mop. Nilinis ko ang sahig—mga patak ng dugo, bubog ng bote.
Makakaltasan na naman ang sweldo ko. Malapit na ako sa ipon ko—nabawasan pa.
Mala—
Napatigil ako nang mapansin kong bukas ang counter.
“Shit.”
Sinilip ko.
Wala na.
Doon ko lang naalala ang sinabi ng matanda.
“Salamat ah.”
Shit.
“Tangina,” mahina kong mura.
“Iyon na nga lang ang gagawin mo, pumalya ka pa,” galit na sambit ng may-ari ng store. “Tanggal ka na sa trabahong ito. Kailangan ko ng taong kayang protektahan ang store—pati ang perang kinikita nito. Bayaran mo ang nawalang kita ngayong araw at umalis ka na!”
Hindi na ako sumagot. Hindi ko na ipinaglaban ang sarili ko.
Pagod na pagod na rin ako—sobrang antok para makipagtalo, sobrang ubos para gumawa pa ng komosyon.
I just want to fucking sleep.
“Ito ho,” mahina kong sabi habang inaabot ang bayad mula sa sarili kong ipon. “Salamat ho.”
Paglabas ko ng store, doon lang tuluyang bumagsak sa akin ang lahat. Kailangan ko na namang maghanap ng kapalit na night shift.
Hindi sapat ang kinikita ko sa restaurant at café—lalo na’t imbes na madagdagan, nabawasan pa ang ipon ko.
Tanginang buhay ’to.
Habang naglalakad pauwi, sinubukan kong tawagan ang mama ko.
Isang linggo na akong tumatawag. Isang linggo na ring walang sagot.
Sa wakas, sinagot niya rin.
Tumigil ako sa isang eskinita, pilit kinakalma ang sarili.
“Ma?” mahina kong sambit.
“Bakit ka tumatawag, Ronan?” pabulong niyang sagot, halatang may tinatago. Halatang takot.
Huminga ako nang malalim nang marinig muli ang boses niya. I’ve been trying to hear that voice for a week now. I missed it more than I want to admit.
“Kamusta ka, Ma?” tanong ko, sabay sandig sa pader.
“Okay lang ako,” mabilis niyang sagot. “Ronan, hindi ka na dapat tumatawag. Baka magising ang dad mo—pag nalaman niyang kinakausap kita—”
“Sino ’yang kausap mo?”
Nanlamig ang buong katawan ko nang marinig ang boses na iyon.
“Ah—wala ’to, bank state—”
Hindi na natapos ni mama ang salita niya.
May malakas na tunog mula sa kabilang linya—kasunod ang pigil na ungol ni Mama.
“Ma!” sigaw ko.
“T*ngina mo talaga! Hindi ka marunong makinig!” galit na sigaw ng ama ko.
Kasunod noon ang iyak ni Mama—masakit, punit, at walang laban.
“Hoy! Huwag mong saktan ang mama ko!” sigaw ko sa telepono. “Please! Ma, umalis ka na diyan!”
But her painful scream is louder than my voice..
Isang huling sigaw—at naputol ang tawag.
“Ma? Ma?!”
“Shit… shit…”
Alam kong sinaktan na naman siya.
Kung kaya ko lang siyang ilabas doon ngayon—kung kaya ko lang siyang iligtas agad.
Sa sobrang galit at kawalan ng magawa, napaupo na lang ako, pilit kinokontrol ang panginginig ng katawan ko.
Malapit na sana.
Konti na lang.
Pero dahil sa nangyari, alam kong aabutin na naman ako ng isa pang buwan para makaipon, isa pang buwan bago ko siya mailabas sa impyernong ’yon.
“Shit,” bulong ko, habang hindi ko na napigilan ang pag-agos ng luha.
Sorry, Ma.
Kinabukasan, kinailangan ko pa ring pumasok sa school kahit sobrang sama ng pakiramdam ko. Mabigat ang katawan ko, parang kulang pa rin ako sa tulog—o baka sa pahinga mismo.
Habang naglalakad papasok sa campus, may napansin akong babaeng nasa unahan ko.
Sumakit ang ulo ko, bahagyang nanlalabo ang paningin ko. Pero nang makita ko ang likuran niya, may kung anong kumislot sa dibdib ko.
She looks like Ruby.
Hindi puwede.
Binilisan ko ang lakad ko, pilit siyang hinabol kahit hindi maganda ang kondisyon ng katawan ko.
“Sandali!” sigaw ko.
Pagkalapit ko, nahawakan ko ang braso niya at marahang hinarap sa akin.
Those parted lips— sobrang pamilyar.
Ruby’s.
Pero nang tuluyan kong makita ang mukha niya, bigla akong natigilan.
Hindi siya si Ruby.
Si Jimenez.
“Fuck,” mahina kong bulong. Bakit ba parang magkahawig sila?
Was it because I’m sick?
Or because my head is messed up?
“Ronan?” gulat niyang sambit.
Agad kong binitawan ang braso niya at pasimpleng hinimas ang kumikirot kong ulo.
“Sorry,” sabi ko. “Akala ko ikaw yung kakilala ko.”
“Anong nangyari sa ulo mo?” tanong niya, napansin ang bandage ko.
“Wala lang,” sagot ko agad. “Ikaw, kamusta na paa mo? Kaya mo na bang maglakad nang walang saklay?”
Napatingin ako sa kaliwa niyang paa—nakabalot pa rin ng bandage. Naka-pink slippers siya sa kaliwa, at pink Converse sa kanan.
Cute.
“Okay naman na,” sagot niya. “Medyo kaya ko na, kaya iniwan ko muna yung sak—”
Natigil siya nang may tumawag sa pangalan niya.
“Tabi.”
Sabay kaming lumingon.
Si Henry.
Ang ex niya.
At sa hindi ko maipaliwanag na dahilan, parang may kung anong lumubog sa sikmura ko.
DAWNVELLICHOR
01- 25- 2026
CHAPTER 12 WILL DROPS ON SATURDAY JANUARY 31, 2026
CHAPTER TWELVE : FUCK IT
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls.” —
Joseph Campbell
TABITHA
“Tabi.” Muling tawag ni Henry sa pangalan ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero umikot ang sikmura ko. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin. I don’t want him seeing me in this kind of situation—ayaw kong isipin niyang nagkanda-leche-leche ang buhay ko after we broke up.
I don’t want him to feel like he’s above me.
“No, not today,” I whisper.
Nagsimulang lumapit si Henry sa akin. Wala na akong ibang choice kundi manghingi ng tulong sa lalaking nasa tabi ko ngayon.
“Ronan, please help me,” I utter.
In an instant, hinarangan niya si Henry bago pa ito makalapit. Inilagay niya ako sa likod niya at siya ang humarap dito.
“It seems like she doesn’t wanna talk to you right now, bro,” he said—calm, but firm.
Napahinto si Henry. Saglit silang nagtitigan. Walang nagsasalita, pero ramdam ko ang bigat ng hangin sa pagitan nila.
“This is not your business,” kalmadong sambit ni Henry, pero may diin. “I want to talk to her. Move.”
Ronan didn’t move. Kahit isang hakbang.
“It becomes my business the moment she asked for my help,” sagot niya, mababa ang boses pero may babala.
“She’s my girlfriend.”
“Ex,” Ronan corrected. Hindi siya sumigaw, pero mas matalim iyon kaysa sigaw.
Naramdaman kong tumigas ang panga ni Henry. “You don’t even know her.”
“And you do?” balik ni Ronan. “Kaya ba ganyan siya ngayon?”
Napahigpit ang kapit ko sa likod ng shirt ni Ronan.
“Tabi,” muling tawag ni Henry, this time softer, pero may frustration. “Don’t do this. We can fix this.”
“She already said no,” Ronan cut in. “ Respect that.“
“Hindi ikaw ang kausap ko.”
“Pero ako ang kaharap mo.”
Saglit na naglapit ang mga mukha nila, halos magdikit ang mga noo. Walang suntukan, pero parang isang maling galaw lang, puputok na ang lahat.
I feel stupid. Mahina sa puntong ito. Nararamdaman kong nangingilid ang mga luha ko. Lahat ng nangyari sa buhay ko this week, sabay-sabay bumalik sa isip ko.
I can’t dance on the recital. I lost the role I’ve always been working for. I got a broken foot. I can’t dance at midnight. My boyfriend cheated on me. I lost my virginity. I don’t even know what I feel for the man standing in front of me right now.
I’m torn between two characters of me.
I don’t know if I’m Ruby or Tabitha anymore.
I’m lost.
“She’s confused,” Henry said, now looking directly at Ronan. “You’re just taking advantage of that.”
Ronan’s jaw tightened. “Careful.”
“Or what?” Hamon ni Henry.
“Or I’ll forget I’m trying to be nice.”
Tahimik ang paligid pero ang dibdib ko parang sasabog.
“She’s coming with me,” Henry insisted, attempting to step forward.
Mabilis na hinarang ulit siya ni Ronan. This time, mas dikit, mas personal.
“She already chose.”
“She doesn’t even know what she wants!”
I cut him off.
“Wala na tayo, Henry. Please lang, I don’t want to talk to you. And I’m getting to know Ronan na. Please let me live my own life.”
Akala ko magugulat si Ronan.
But he didn’t even flinch. He just stood there like it was the most natural thing in the world.
Henry stared at me from behind Ronan. Nasaktan. Galit. Hindi ko alam.
“You’re making a mistake, please let’s talk,” he said quietly.
“Maybe,” sagot ko, halos pabulong. “But it’s mine to make.”
I held Ronan’s shirt and pulled it slightly. “Please… get me out of here.”
Nanatili ang titig ni Ronan kay Henry ng ilang segundo, isang tahimik na babala.
“Stay away from her,” he said lowly.
Then without another word, tinulak niya si Henry palayo, hindi para manakit, kundi para lumikha ng distansya. Humarap siya sa akin at sa isang iglap, binuhat niya ako na parang wala lang akong bigat at inilayo sa lugar na iyon.
Hindi ko na nilingon si Henry.
Ang alam ko lang, habang buhat ako ni Ronan at papalayo kami, ramdam ko pa rin ang tensyon sa likod namin, parang hindi pa tapos ang laban, parang nagsisimula pa lang.
I looked at his bare face. His wounds were not fully healed, at mukhang masakit pa rin.
Nakaramdam ako ng lungkot, knowing he’s used to facing beatings because of the job he’s in.
And then a question popped into my mind.
Do you really like… I mean love Ruby?
What will happen if you find out that I’m Ruby?
Will it fade?
Tumulo ang luha ko habang buhat niya ako, at hindi na ito tumigil. I just hid my face against his neck and let him bring me somewhere I don’t even know.
Hindi siya nagsalita. Wala siyang tinanong. Binuhat niya lang ako at nagpatuloy sa paglalakad.
Hanggang sa, nang tumahan ako, bigla na lang kaming tumigil sa isang park. Hindi ako pamilyar sa lugar, pero tahimik at halos walang tao.
Maingat niya akong inilapag sa isang bench at inabot ang scarf mula sa bulsa niya.
“Medyo malayo-layo na ito. Siguradong hindi ka na niya aabutan dito,” he uttered, then sat beside me.
I’m still sobbing from the after-cry, pinupunasan ko ang mga tuyong luha sa pisngi ko. We just sat there in silence. Hindi siya nagtanong ng kahit ano. He just stayed beside me.
“My life sucks. But not my parents. They’re the only good ones in my life right now,” I whispered out of nowhere.
Sobrang bigat lang ng lahat ng nangyayari sa akin ngayon.
“Mine sucks even more,” he uttered, then chuckled. Tiningnan niya ako at itinuro ang sugat niya bago siya tumawa.
At sa hindi ko maintindihang dahilan, napatawa rin ako.
His laughter drowned me in, and I found myself laughing with him, because both of our lives, right now, suck.
“Thank you sa paghatid sa akin. You don’t have to do this,” sambit ko habang nakaharap sa kanya, pero hindi ko pa rin magawang salubungin ang mga tingin niya.
Aaminin ko, being with him feels light. After the talk in the park, he made me feel comfortable just with his presence. But still, I couldn’t deny the shyness creeping in whenever I faced him—knowing that I’m still Ruby, even though he’s talking to Tabitha.
I know what happened that night. I can still feel his touches, his gaze, his lips.
“Okay lang. Ahm, sige, mauna na ako,” ani niya, pasimpleng hinaplos ang batok bago nagtangkang tumalikod. Magsasalita pa sana ako.
“Salamat,” I uttered.
Huminto siya at sumulyap sa akin. “Walang problema.” Then slowly, that handsome little smirk appeared on his lips.
Sa hindi malamang dahilan, napangiti rin ako pabalik sa kanya, at sa sandaling iyon, alam kong lalo lang bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko.
“Bye,” he said, leaving me with a heart racing inside my chest.
Is this Ruby’s heart… or Tabitha’s?
I can’t fall for him.
That’s not right.
Right?
Days passed. I spent the entire weekend locked up at home, so I definitely didn’t expect to see him the moment I stepped inside the campus.
“Hi,” bati ko nang magkasalubong kami sa entrance.
His eyes immediately dropped to my foot, then slowly lifted back to my face, a teasing smile forming on his lips. “Nakakalakad ka na ng maayos. Good thing you’re okay now,” he said, way too casually, as if he didn’t cause half of my stress.
“Yeah, ma-magaling na ako. In fact, kaya ko nang b-bumalik sa ballet, but they wouldn’t let me.” Great. Bakit ako nag-stutter sa harap pa niya?
He chuckled, not loud, just enough to make my ears burn.
Before I could react, he suddenly grabbed my shoulder bag. Napaatras ako sa gulat at muntikan pang mawalan ng balanse.
“Hey—”
Mabilis niyang hinawakan ang braso ko at hinila ako palapit sa kanya. Napasinghap ako nang halos magdikit ang mga mukha namin. His hand was firm on my arm, warm, steady, habang ako, parang nakalimutang huminga.
“Hindi ako naniniwala,” he murmured, smiling like he knew exactly what he was doing to me.
Umiwas ako ng tingin, pero too late, ramdam ko nang umiinit na ang pisngi ko. I pushed him lightly, trying to regain what little dignity I had left.
“Hawak mo pa rin bag ko,” I snapped, pero walang talab dahil nanginginig pa rin ang boses ko.
He raised the bag slightly, out of my reach, amusement dancing in his eyes. “So you can walk… but can you jump?”
Inis ko siyang tiningnan. “Give. It. Back.”
He leaned closer again, like he enjoyed invading my space.
“Say please.”
My heart did that stupid flip in my chest.
“I hate you,” bulong ko. His smile widened. “Liar.” What?
That almost made my heart stop. “Give it back. Only my friends can carry my bag. Now let go, one talk can’t make us friends.” I said, pushing him away.
He smirked.
“Then let’s be friends, Tabitha,” he said, offering his hand for a shake.
Calm down, Tabitha. He’s talking to you, not Ruby. It’s okay to be friends with him. It’s just a handshake. Nothing more.
“S-sure,” I managed, hoping he wouldn’t notice how my voice betrayed me.
For a second, I just stared at his hand, warm, waiting, before slowly placing mine in his. The moment our skin touched, my chest tightened, like my heart didn’t know whether to race or forget how to beat at all.
“Papayag ka rin pala, haha,” he said. We walked side by side, my heart pounding stupidly, as if I had never kissed this man before in my life.
Tama ba itong desisyon mo, Tabitha?
Okay lang bang maging magkaibigan kami?
What about Ruby?
And what about my feelings for him? Were they ever real?
Days turned into weeks, and I still couldn’t believe I was spending this much time with him.
“Saan mo gustong kumain? Libre ko,” he offered.
“Wala ka bang pasok? Work?” kunot-noo kong tanong habang sabay kaming naglalakad palabas ng campus. This is unbelievable. Mas madalas ko pa siyang kasama kaysa kay Konah.
That bitch, sobrang busy sa project niya.
“Mamaya pa, night shift,” kalmado niyang sagot. Both hands were tucked inside his pockets, his backpack hanging lazily on his left shoulder, looking as empty as always, together with my pink Coach shoulder bag.
He wouldn’t let me carry it.
“So, ano? Kain tayo?” tanong niya ulit.
I stopped walking and faced him. “Hindi ka ba natatakot na pagchismisan tayo? You and me, always together? Paano ’yung mga may gusto sa’yo na students? Isa pa, kailangan ba sabay tayong kumain?”
“Magkaibigan tayo. Friends eat together,” pilosopo niyang sagot.
“Yeah, friends, but not friends-friends,” diin ko, making it clear that we weren’t that close.
“Friends-friends? What does that mean?” kunot-noo niyang tanong.
“Best friends. Hindi tayo ganon. So please, can you go somewhere else?” I said.
“Ang dami mong sinasabi. Gutom na ’ko,” he replied.
Before I could protest, he casually wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me with him toward the fast-food chain across the street from the campus.
My heart skipped, again, and all I could do was follow him, clutching my chest like I could stop the stupid, traitorous beating that clearly belonged to Ruby.
“Let me pay,” I said, trying to slip past him at the counter.
“Ako na. Libre nga, ’di ba?” He gently pushed me back using his finger against my forehead, like I weighed nothing.
I frowned. “Excuse me, you’re working day and night for that money. Hindi ko man alam kung para saan, pero alam kong importante ’yon. And me? I have an allowance from my parents. Let me pay sometimes.”
“Nah. Ang arte mo.”
Since we became friends, he’d always push me away from things like this, like taking care of me was already part of his routine. He was too comfortable, too natural… like I was someone he had known for a long time.
And that made my heart beat even harder.
I hated it.
Because no matter how much I told myself this meant nothing, my chest still tightened every time he did something like this, something small, something careless, something that felt dangerously close to special.
Good thing he wasn’t looking at me.
He would’ve seen everything I was trying so hard to hide.
Kinuha niya ang order namin, and just as expected, hindi niya ako hinayaang magbuhat ng kahit ano. To anyone watching, magmumukha siyang alalay ko, bitbit ang bag ko, backpack niya, tray ng pagkain namin, pati resibo nasa bibig niya.
Hindi ko maiwasang sumimangot.
Pagkaupo namin, iniwas ko agad ang tingin ko sa kanya, pilit inaayos ang mukha ko, hoping hindi niya mapansin—
“Bakit na naman? Nakasimangot ka d’yan?” he asked.
“Hindi, noh,” mabilis kong sagot.
“Are you mad because I didn’t let you pay?”
“No—” I stopped, exhaling before forcing the words out. “I’m just frustrated. I hate that this friendship feels unfair. I treat friends as give-and-take relationships.”
“Relationship?” he teased, emphasizing the last word.
Uminit ang pisngi ko. “Ewan ko sa’yo. Kumain ka na lang mag-isa mo. Give me my bag.”
I tried to stand, but he caught my hand before I could move, a soft chuckle escaping his lips.
“Biro lang. Sige na, kain na tayo. Fine, libre mo ’ko ng kape next time.”
Too playful. Too charming.
Too dangerous.
I pulled my hand back slowly, pretending his touch didn’t just send a traitorous shiver up my spine.
Friends?
Stupid, Tabitha.
Kahibangan ’to.
Because no matter how much I tried to convince myself this was just friendship, my heart was already slipping, quietly, stubbornly in a direction I had no control over.
And that terrified me.
“Gaano katagal na tayong hindi bumabalik dito? Grabe, hindi ko akalaing mamimiss ko rin pala ’yung pagsasayaw mo every midnight,” Konahrie said as she drove, the city lights smearing into gold outside the window on the way to the Midnight Club.
“I miss it so much,” I whispered, breath catching just from the thought.
“Basta mag-ingat ka, ah. Don’t force your foot. Mamaya lumala na naman ’yan. Ano’ng excuse natin kay Tita? Sasabihin nating sumasayaw ka habang tulog tayo sa condo ko? Ang weird nun.” She scrunched her face in mock disgust.
Napatawa ako. “Sira ka. I won’t let myself get hurt. Mag-iingat ako.”
But deep inside, my heart wasn’t racing from fear.
It was from hunger.
From the pull of the stage.
From the part of me that only existed in the dark.
Back to the place where I felt most alive.
“Ahhhhh, finally, finally, finallyyyyy!” malakas na sigaw ni Mamang pagpasok namin. Agad niya akong niyakap nang mahigpit habang nakangiti si Nana sa likuran.
“Miss na miss ka na namin! Magaling na ba ang paa mo? Jusko, miss na miss ka rin ng bulsa ko. Humina ang kita natin dahil wala ka ng ilang Fridays. My gem is back! Prepare the stage! Chop-chop!”
“Nana, ibigay kay Ruby ang pinagawa ko, dali!”
Lumabas si Nana mula sa opisina dala ang isang damit.
Napatigil ako.
Huminto ang mundo.
A deep burgundy off-shoulder dress, cascading chiffon, roses and black beads like shadows crawling over crimson. It looked less like a dress—
and more like temptation made into fabric.
“It’s beautiful…” halos hindi ko marinig ang sarili kong boses.
Pagdampi ng mga daliri ko rito, parang may kuryenteng dumaloy sa buong katawan ko.
I suddenly knew.
Tonight would be dangerous.
“Can I change the music?” I asked, eyes still locked on the dress.
“Anything for you, my Ruby.”
“Brace yourselves! Our midnight ballerina is back!” Malakas na sigaw ng m.c.
Nagngitngit ang club sa sigawan. Gutom na mga mata. Naghihintay na mga kamay. I stepped onto the stage like I was stepping into sin.
The music started.
I let it take me.
Every movement was a confession.
Every sway was a secret.
“Since you been like this…” I mouthed, letting my body speak the words I couldn’t say.
I danced for them.
But my heart was dancing for only one person. Closing my eyes was a mistake.
Because all I could see was Ronan.
His hands.
His mouth.
The way he ruined me without even trying. When I opened my eyes, he was there.
Sa VIP lounge.
With her.
Parang may humawak sa puso ko at marahas na piniga. Akala ko ba gusto mo ako, Ronan? Why are you still with her?
The cheers were deafening, but all I could hear was the sound of my own pulse breaking apart. I walked off the stage on autopilot.
“You’re back, my Ruby! You’re the best!” sinalubong ako ni Mamang, pero dumaan lang ako.
“Excuse me… I need air,” bulong ko kay Konah.
Hindi na ako naghintay ng sagot.
I ran.
Hanggang makita ko siya sa likod, sinasarhan ang pinto ng kotse para sa babaeng kasama niya.
Something inside me snapped.
“Hey.” Lumingon siya.
Shock flickered in his eyes, then something darker replaced it. “Why are you kissing me when you already belong to someone else?” I demanded, voice trembling despite my anger.
“That woman… who is she? Why are you always with her?”
Hindi siya agad sumagot. He just looked at me like I was the one he’d been searching for all night.
Then he smirked.
That smirk burned.
“Are you jealous?” he asked, stepping closer. My breath hitched.
Fuck it.
Let Ruby speak.
“ Pag sinabi kong oo—“
Hindi ko na natapos. Because he pulled me to him and crashed his lips onto mine.
Not gentle.
Not sweet.
It was hunger.
Weeks of restraint breaking in one reckless second. My hands gripped his shirt before I could stop myself. I should’ve pushed him away.
I should’ve remembered everything.
Instead—
I kissed him back like I was drowning and he was the only air left. And in that moment, I knew—
I was already lost.
Lost to him.
DAWNVELLICHOR
02- 17- 2026
CHAPTER 13 WILL SOON BE UPDATED
CHAPTER THIRTEEN : BITE MARK
“Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.”
— Aristotle
Tabitha
“Why are you kissing me when you already belong to someone else?”
“That woman… who is she? Why are you always with her?”
Then he smirked.
That smirk burned.
“Are you jealous?” he asked, stepping closer.
“ Pag sinabi kong oo—“
Hindi ko na natapos.
Because he pulled me to him and crashed his lips onto mine.
Not gentle.
Not sweet.
It was hunger.
Weeks of restraint breaking in one reckless second. My hands gripped his shirt before I could stop myself. I should’ve pushed him away.
I should’ve remembered everything.
Instead—
I kissed him back like I was drowning and he was the only air left. And in that moment, I knew—
I was already lost.
Lost to him.
Hinila niya ako papunta sa isang alley kung saan walang ilaw, walang makakakita sa amin. Hinarap niya ako sa pader, ngunit hindi niya kailanman pinutol ang halik namin.
It was intense, filled with hunger—isang pakiramdam na pareho naming ayaw bitawan.
His warm, fired-up palms ran slowly over my skin, tracing every curve of my body, from my hips, paakyat sa baywang. Gently yet brimming with urgency, he held me close, his touch firm but controlled.
I started gasping for air, parting my lips as I tried to breathe, habang patuloy niyang ninanamnam ang halik namin—slow, deep, consuming.
Our breaths tangled between us, thin lines of warmth connecting every second we refused to let go.
Beneath his lingering touches, he didn’t stop. With his free hand, he slowly slipped it under the hem of my red dress. My mask was still on, hiding half of my face, but not the way my breath began to falter. I felt him tug gently at my stockings, the fabric sliding down my legs as his touch grew bolder.
“Ah—” I couldn’t stop the sound that escaped me.
A soft moan slipped between our kisses, my fingers instinctively gripping the nape of his neck as his hand explored further. My body reacted before my mind could catch up.
Here I was, losing control—while he stayed focused, careful with every movement, as if he was afraid to make a single mistake. As if he didn’t want to miss even a second of this.
“W-we can’t… hmm—do this here,” I whispered breathlessly, my voice trembling in a way that made my cheeks burn behind the mask.
Hindi ako ito.
I barely recognized myself—the girl pressed against a dark wall, drowning in reckless desire and letting it happen.
“I can’t hold it anymore,” he whispered.
This time, he stopped kissing me. Slowly, he pulled his hand away from my underwear. A faint flicker of light slipped into the alley, just enough for me to see him clearly.
My lips parted as I watched him bring three of his fingers to his mouth, his gaze never leaving mine.
He licked it before he slowly put it back where it went from, our eyes locked on each other he slowly inserted his fingers inside of my pearl.
The air in my lungs seemed to vanish, leaving me breathless. My back arched instinctively, as if I were sinking beneath deep water.
A sea of temptation pulled me under—heavy with longing, thick with emotion, drowning me in the tide of my own heart.
Sinimulan kong sabunutan ang kanyang buhok, malapit ang mukha namin sa isa’t-isa, pero halatang sinasadya niyang huwag akong halikan habang naglalabas-masok ang kanyang mga daliri sa akin.
I can’t believe I’m doing this out here—where only the darkness shields us from being seen.
This is wrong, Tabitha.
But I want it.
I want it more than I’m willing to admit.
“F*ck, kiss me!” I demanded, pulling him closer and kissing him with a kind of urgency I couldn’t hide.
I felt him chuckle softly, a playful smirk curving against my lips.
Then his movements grew deeper, more deliberate—slowly finding the place that made my thoughts blur and my breath tremble.
There was no escaping it. The sensation wrapped around me, overwhelming and impossible to resist.
I start making stupid sounds between our kisses and my body moving on its own, teaming up with his touch.
“Ahh..ahh.. S-stop, I’m about to c-cum.” I tried pushing his hand away but he moved even faster, deeper and harder, and before I knew it, I shiver and grip his hair with all my might as I became weak down there.
Hindi pa ako nakakarecover, still with wobbly knees, he made me face the wall, start hearing an unbuckling belt and zippers being open.
In a split second, I felt his hard thing between my thighs. “Please, let me do it.” He begged.
Yearning for it as if his life depends on it. I rested my head on the wall, and nodded. He kissed my shoulder before he started penetrating my whole system.
I bit my lower life so hard, it almost bled, and he saw it.
Instead of my lips he put his left hand from my breast up to my lip. “Bite it.” he whispered and I did what he said.
“Agh” he groaned when I bit hard and he started moving down there.
“T*ngina.” he cursed and thrust harder.
Deeper.
And heavenly felt.
“Hmmm.” I moaned as I kept biting, and his movement became one with mine. Sinimulan kong salubungin ang bawat pagbayo nito sa likuran ko.
Habang bumibilis ang lahat, mas lalo akong nagiging sakim sa kanya.
I want him all to myself.
Mine alone.
Ako pa ba ’to? Si Ruby pa ba ang nagsasalita?
Hindi ko na alam. All I know is that I want to keep everything I’m holding in this moment—
Especially him.
“Ahh.. R-Ron—ahh!” I almost whimper when he bites my shoulder, really hard and thrusting deeper before we both reach our climax.
And ending that tastes better than steaks.
Sabay naming hinabol ang paghinga bago tuluyang sumandal sa pader. Niyakap niya ako—mahigpit pero puno ng tenderness at assurance.
“Gusto mo pa?” tanong niya.
Hindi ako handa sa tanong niya. Aaminin ko, may konting takot sa dibdib ko sa ideyang may susunod pa. I don’t think I can handle more of him right now. Ramdam ko pa rin ang bigat at init sa pagitan namin.
Napansin niya ang reaksyon ko at marahan siyang natawa. Hinalikan niya ang noo ko, hinubad ang puti niyang dresser shirt at ibinalot sa akin bago ako buhatin na parang bata.
Walang nakapansin nang ibalik niya ako sa staff exit. Maingat niya akong ibinaba at ninakawan ng isang basang halik sa labi.
“Baka hinahanap ka na sa loob,” bulong niya.
Gusto ng mga salita niyang pumasok na ako, pero ang mga kamay niya ayaw bumitaw. Ilang halik pa ang itinanim niya bago biglang tumigil at tumitig sa balikat ko.
“Shit,” mura niya, biglang napuno ng pag-aalala ang mukha.
“Bakit?”
“Nasugatan ka. Nakagat kita.” Para siyang batang nakabasag ng baso sa mall kung makatingin sa akin.
Kinapa ko ang kaliwang balikat ko at napangiwi sa hapdi. “It’s okay, gagaling din ’yan—”
Hindi ko natapos ang sasabihin ko nang marinig ko ang boses ni Konah mula sa loob.
“Ruby!!! Nasaan na si Ruby?!”
Ronan looked at me, still worried. Hinalikan ko siya bago ko siya marahang itulak.
“Go now.”
Isang huling sulyap bago ako pumasok at sinalubong si Konah.
“Konahrie!!!”
Nanlaki ang mga mata niya. “Ruby! Saan ka ba nanggaling? Sabi mo need mo ng air. Lumabas ako kanina d’yan, wala ka.” Sabay turo sa staff exit.
“Nando’n ako, ’no. Sa paghahanap, mata ang ginagamit, hindi bibig.” Sita ko sabay tulak sa kanya pabalik sa dressing room.
“Kasalanan ko pa ngayon ah. Isa lang naman akong concerned citizen.”
Nagkatawanan kami, pero pilit ang akin. Parang nababaliw pa rin ang puso ko sa loob. Hindi pa rin nawawala sa balat ko ang alaala ng mga kamay ni Ronan.
Shit. Did I just have a quick outdoor?
Fuck. Ang wild mo, Tabitha.
Kapag nalaman ’to nila Mama at Dad, gusto ko na lang maglaho parang hangin.
Nahihiya ako sa iniisip ko, pero kabaligtaran ang sinasabi ng mga labi ko.
“Hoy, ngiti-ngiti ka diyan. Nakasinghot ka ba sa labas? Sinasabi ko sa’yo, huwag kang magpapadala sa magagandang bigayan diyan. Masisira buhay mo!”
Binatukan ko siya.
“Ang dami mong alam. Hindi ba pwedeng masaya lang dahil nakasayaw na ulit?” Sinungaling ka, Tabi.
“Iba ’yang ngiti mo. Ngiting parang nakatikim ng masarap na steak.”
Nasamid ako sa sarili kong laway.
I guess… I just tasted a good steak outside.
Shit. Ang landi mo, Ruby.
Weeks passed, and my Friday nights no longer felt the same.
After every performance, the applause would fade, but the only thing I could think about was him. I would rush out of that stage, heart pounding for a different reason, searching for Ronan like he was the real encore of my Friday midnight.
Sometimes it was in a car I didn’t even know the owner of. Sometimes in hidden corners where silence felt louder than the music inside the bar.
It wasn’t love.
It wasn’t tenderness.
It was hunger.
The kind that consumes. The kind that doesn’t ask questions. The kind that makes you forget consequences and replaces them with craving.
I felt empty on the nights I didn’t see him. Restless. Incomplete.
He became my addiction, something I knew could ruin me, yet I kept coming back for more.
I grew greedy. Careless.
Blind to everything except the way he made me feel when we were close.
Every touch felt like fire under my skin. Every stolen moment felt dangerous and intoxicating. It wasn’t gentle, it was desperate. It wasn’t calm, it was consuming.
“Ahh… t-tama na. Hahanapin na ako sa dressing room,” I whispered, breath uneven, trying to steady myself. I pushed him away, not because I wanted to stop—but because reality was knocking at the door.
He moved away, his face looking like a hot mess in between my legs. Gosh, I would kneel on that facecard.
But this is too risky. Reckless.
But at that moment, I didn’t care. All I knew was this, I wanted him.
And I wanted him to be mine.
Pinunasan ko ang labi niya bago umayos ng upo. Tinulungan niya akong isuot muli ang underwear at ayusin ang brim ng pink na dress habang tumatayo ako.
Ni-wrap niya ang mga braso niya sa aking baywang at hinaplos ang balikat ko. “It marks,” bulong niya.
Tiningnan ko siya sa salamin sa harapan namin, nakatingin siya sa balikat ko, yung kinagat niya nung nakaraan. May naiwan na peklat.
“Mawawala rin ’yan… pagaling na. Kailangan ko nang umalis,” ani ko, sabay sandal niya sink nang bitawan ko ang kamay niya at lumapit sa pinto.
“Kailan ko ba makikita ang mukha mo… without that mask?” Nanghihinang tanong niya.
Nagpanggap akong hindi narinig at dali-daling lumabas, sabay tagos ng sobrang lakas ng kabog ng puso ko.
I can’t.
You can’t either.
Hindi mo pwedeng malaman kung sino talaga ako.
Dahil ang totoong pagkatao ko ay isa ngayon sa nais mong maging kaibigan.
“Ano ba, hindi na ba tayo maghihiwalay dito sa campus?! Wala ka bang klase! Your presence is pissing me off!!!” I hissed, trying to walk faster than my usual pace.
Nakangisi siyang sumunod sa akin, at muling inagaw ang bag ko.
“May regla ka ba? Bakit ang sungit mo?” Tanong niya, pero hindi ko siya pinansin. Habang tumatagal, mas lalo akong nakokonsensyang harapin siya bilang si Tabi.
I can’t anymore.
I can’t be friend with him on my Monday to Thursday and f*ck him on midnight Friday as Ruby.
“I just don’t want you around me anymore, please,” seryoso kong sambit.
Tumigil siya sa paglalakad at hinila ang braso ko paparahin sa kanya. Wala akong nagawa, how can I escape his grip? His touch can make me faint in just a glimpse.
“May nagawa ba ako?” Tanong niya, meeting every gaze he could get from me.
“W-wala,” I stammered. “Basta! Akin na yang bag ko!” Sambit ko, sabay agaw ng bag mula sa kanya. Caught off guard siya kaya madali ko itong nakuha at sinuot sa kaliwa kong balikat.
“Hindi, may nagawa ako, sigurado… what is it? Tell me!” He insisted, pulling the strap of my bag, accidentally tugging the sleeve of my blouse with it.
Revealing the bite mark he left a few weeks ago.
I gasped and instantly covered it, but god knows he saw that.
“What?”
My heart stopped.
F*ck.
I’m doomed.
“Where did you get that scar?” paos niyang tanong.
“N-none of y-your business!” pilit kong itinatago ang takot sa boses ko habang napaatras ako nang isang hakbang, kasabay ng paglapit niya.
Hindi niya inalis ang titig sa mga sugat ko.
Mabilis kong tinakpan ang balikat ko, pero hinawakan niya ang kaliwang braso ko, pilit sinisilip ang marka. Nakaukit sa mukha niya ang pagkilala, parang may piraso ng alaala na unti-unting nabubuo.
Alam niya.
Alam niyang siya ang may gawa ng markang iyon.
“That scar—”
Hindi ko siya pinatapos. Isang malakas na sampal ang kumawala mula sa kamay ko.
Ako man ay nagulat sa ginawa ko. Hindi ko iyon pinag-isipan, likas na reaksyon ng takot na matagal ko nang kinikimkim.
It was survival.
Hindi ko siya hinayaang makapagsalita. Ni isang salita, hindi ko pinakinggan. Tumakbo ako nang buong lakas.
My heart was racing.
My hands were trembling.
My body felt weak.
Hindi gumagana ang utak ko, puro takot lang ang umiikot sa sistema ko.
He knew.
Alam na niya.
Alam niyang ako at si Ruby ay iisa.
Hindi na niya ako pwedeng makita ulit.
Ruby and Tabitha are two different worlds.
At kailangan manatiling magkaiba.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN : STRIPPER
“Feelings are much like waves. We can’t stop them from coming, but we can choose which ones to surf.”
— Jonatan Mårtensson
Ronan
“Pre? Ronan? Hello? May kausap ba ako?” Two snaps of fingers rang in front of my face.
Shit. I spaced out.
“O–oh?” ani ko, naguguluhan.
“Deliver na, pre. Naghihintay yung customer.” sabi ng co-worker ko dito sa restaurant.
Napamura ako sa isip ko. I wiped my face with my left palm and took a deep breath before picking up the steak for table number three.
“Sorry, k-kulang lang sa tulog,” palusot ko.
But God knows I haven’t slept at all. Simula kahapon, ni isang minuto, walang salitang tulog ang nanaig sa akin.
I still can’t believe what I just discovered.
“Lagi ka namang kulang sa tulog, pero ngayon lang kita nakitang wala sa sarili,” sabi niya.
I just shrugged and continued working, as I should.
Tinahak ko ang daan papunta sa table number three at inihain ang steak.
“Thank you, handsome,” sabi ng babae.
Wala sa wisyo, ngumiti lang ako at tumango—pero biglang natigilan nang makita ko ang mukha ni Ruby—
I mean, Tabitha.
Fuck.
Mabilis akong umiling at tumalikod, diretso sa kusina. Hindi ito tama. Wala nang ibang tumatakbo sa isip ko kundi ang mukha ni Jimenez.
I keep thinking about how she and Ruby look so alike… and hell, I didn’t even notice it before.
Even when I was with Ruby.
Tangina. Ang tanga ko sa puntong ’yon.
Tinanggal ko ang waist apron ko at umupo sa maliit na bench sa staff area malapit sa kusina, pinunasan ulit ang mukha ko gamit ang dalawang palad.
This is so damn frustrating. Hindi ako makapag-focus sa trabaho.
“Anong problema, bro? Bakit parang hindi ikaw ’yung Ronan na kilala ko?” tanong ng co-worker ko habang umuupo sa tabi ko.
Umiling ako at sumulyap sa kanya. “Hindi ko rin alam… maybe I’m just at my limit, I guess.”
“That’s new. ’Yung Ronan na kilala ko, parang robot—walang pagod sa diksyonaryo mo. Ang nasa isip mo lang kumita ng pera para sa’yo at sa nanay mo.”
That hit me.
Tama siya.
After everything that happened, nawalan ako ng focus sa totoong goal ko.
Jimenez is all I’ve been thinking about.
And I can’t fight it.
I want to see her.
I want to know why she’s Ruby.
Naramdaman ko ang pag-vibrate ng phone sa bulsa ng pantalon ko. Huminga ako nang malalim. Tinapik ni Miguel ang balikat ko bago siya tuluyang lumabas, iniwan akong mag-isa.
I grabbed my phone and checked who it was.
Agad akong napatuwid ng upo nang makita ko ang username na C sa screen.
From C:
Meet me at the club tonight. I miss you.
“F*ck,” mahinang mura ko.
“Oh, gosh… I missed you, hmm—”
Wala si Madam Celestine sa dati niyang ayos ngayong gabi.
Pagkakita pa lang niya sa’kin sa VIP lodge, hinila na niya ako para halikan— a public make-out session right there in the open. Something she would never normally do.
Usually, sa restroom kami… o kaya sa mga private VIP rooms.
“Come on, touch me like you used to,” she demanded, for the sake of the money I had to earn. I started touching her waist.
Takot na takot siyang may makakita sa’min noon. Pero ngayon, parang wala na siyang pakialam.
Nasa kandungan ko siya habang nakabantay ang mga bodyguards niya sa bawat sulok ng lodge. Samantalang ang mga mata ko, nakatutok sa stage kung saan sumasayaw si Rub— I mean, Jimenez, tuwing hatinggabi.
Pasimple akong sumulyap sa wristwatch ko.
Midnight.
Bumalik ang tingin ko sa stage kung saan ko siya unang nakilala bilang si Ruby.
The stage where it all started.
Where Ruby set fire to every man’s fantasy.
Including mine.
Ngayon na alam kong iisang tao lang sina Ruby at Tabitha, hindi ko na mawari kung paano naging posible iyon. Paano naging iisa ang inosenteng si Jimenez— yung babaeng niloko ng boyfriend niya— at ang matapang na babaeng sumasayaw sa entablado habang pinagnanasaan ng mga lalaking gutom na gutom sa kanya.
Friday ngayon.
Hindi ba dapat nagpe-perform siya?
Or… is she avoiding me?
Then suddenly her face flashes into my mind, that shocked expression, the way she slapped me and ran like she had seen a ghost.
My heart suddenly beat in its unusual phase.
Am I happy that Ruby and Tabitha are the same person?
Because, I gotta admit, deep inside my mind, I knew I wished it was the same person.
Jimenez, you’re the one, I guess.
“Hey, are you even with me right now?” Bumalik ako sa sarili ko nang biglang tumigil sa paghalik si Celestine sa akin. She faced me with a growing expression— unsatisfied and a bit irritated.
“Ahm, s-sorry. I’m just t-tired,” I uttered.
“Come on, you’re not like this. I’m also stressed out— my business, my husband, it’s all a mess. You’re the only stress reliever I’ve got,” she said in frustration. Umalis siya sa pagkakaupo sa hita ko at umupo sa tabi ko habang inaayos ang kanyang buhok.
Celestine is just a normal, flawed lady who seeks pleasure out of marriage.
And I’m a guy who’s out there, free and in need of money.
“Pasensya na, wala lang talaga akong gana ngayong araw,” mahina kong sambit.
“Fine. Meet me next week. Siguro naman hindi ka na stressed next week, because I’m sure I’ll be stressed that week. Bye.” She let out a sigh before giving me a peck and leaving with her men.
Huminga ako ng malalim, pinasadahan ang aking kaliwang kamay sa magulo kong buhok bago sumandal sa backrest ng sofa dito sa lodge.
Close my eyes and breathe.
At first, I was all about the money, but now I slowly realize that I’m not happy with this job anymore. Besides, Jimenez is all I ever had in mind.
Doing all of these things while she’s running through my mind—
It felt like I’m cheating.
Fuck.
“Gago, in love ba ang tawag dito?” I playfully whispered to myself.
Talking to myself is insane.
“Jimene—” Hindi ko pa natatapos bigkasin ang buo niyang apelyido, dali-dali na niya akong tinalikuran, namumula, at tumakbo papalayo sa akin.
Sa hindi malamang dahilan, napangisi na lamang ako habang pinapanood siyang tumakbo nang sobrang bilis, na para bang hinahabol siya ng aso.
I usually chase after her, but now it’s much more fun to watch her in her avoiding games.
There she is. “Konahrie, sige na samahan mo na ak—!” Natigilan siya nang pagharap niya ay nakatayo na ako sa likuran niya.
Kasama ang kaibigang si Konah, nanatili siyang nakatayo sa harapan ko, nakataas ang kaliwang kamay na tila may tinuturo.
“Pwede ba tayong mag-usa—” She didn’t let me finish. Instead, she grabbed her friend’s arm, pushed me a bit, then ran away again.
“Teka sandali, bakit tayo tumatakbo ahhhh!!!” sigaw ng kaibigan niya sa hallway ng college building namin.
I just couldn’t help it. I chuckled and again enjoyed her frightened face.
You’re so unpredictable and hilarious, Jimenez. Can’t wait to unravel you more as days pass by.
“Jimenez, kailangan nating mag-usap.” Again— she ran away in a glimpse of an eye.
“Hanggang kailan mo balak tumakbo papalayo?” I shouted, and that only made her run faster.
“Hahaha.” I laughed.
“Hoy, pre, pansin ko ilang araw ka nang iniiwasan ni Jimenez. LQ?” tanong ng isang kablockmate namin na si Trevor.
I glanced at him with a playful smile. “LQ,” I said and walked out of the building.
Love quest.
Today is a Friday. Mamaya papasok na naman ako sa club. Ngayon, nagdadalawang-isip na ako kung anong dapat kong gawin kay Celestine.
Should I end things with her tonight?
Why?
She’s the most stable income you have, Ronan. Hindi mo kikitain sa restaurant at convenience store ang kinikita mo sa kanya.
But at the same time, I have something in mind that keeps telling me to stop sleeping with her anymore.
And that one little thing is…
Right now, hiding in the alley between our college buildings.
Akala ba ni Jimenez hindi ko siya makikita?
I find this avoiding game cute and funny, but I had enough of it.
I want to kiss those lips again.
Umikot ako sa kabilang side ng building at natagpuan siyang nakatayo sa kabilang dulo, tila hinahanap kung nasaan ako.
I walked slowly, not even a single noise coming from my shoes. As I got closer, I grabbed her wrist, made her face me, and as she was about to shout, I covered her mouth with my free hand.
“Shhh.”
“Hmmm!!!” Sinubukan niyang sumigaw at magpumiglas, pero lumapit ako sa kanya.
Cutting the distance between us.
“Pag sumigaw ka, hahalikan kita,” banta ko.
Her face frowned and she nodded. I slowly let go of her mouth.
“Bitawan mo ako,” she fearlessly said.
“Ayaw ko,” sambit ko.
“Bitawan mo ako, o sisigaw ako ng rape!” balik pagbabanta niya.
I chuckled and let go of her wrist but not the distance. Dahil pag lumayo ako, sigurado akong tatakbuhan niya na naman ako.
“Hoy!” I was shocked at first when she pointed at me with those feisty eyes, her finger right into my face.
“Pag nalaman kong may sinabihan ka ng trabaho ko sa club every Friday, mayayari ka talaga sa akin! Isa pa, ano bang pake mo kung ako at si Ruby ay iisa? Pag may ibang taong nakakaalam ng pagiging Midnight Ballerina ko, ipagkakalat ko rin na bellboy ka— isang bayarang lalaki! Sige, ano?! Subukan mo lang!”
Imbes na matakot, mas lalo lang akong natuwa sa ipinapakita niyang katapangan.
I find it very cute.
I want more.
“Ano pa?” I uttered.
She tried to avoid my gaze and stuttered. “Isa pa… sasabihin ko rin sa lahat na nagbibigay aliw ka sa isang matandang babaeng may asawa! Nagbibigay aliw sa mga matatandang lonely na babae!!!”
None of that hurt nor scared me. I just laughed and moved a little closer.
“Kung ganun, dapat ipagkalat mo rin na nanghaharas ako ng mas bata sa akin,” pang-aasar kong sambit, na agad ikinakunot ng kilay niya.
“H-huh?” nauutal niyang ani.
“Kasi sa pagkakaalam ko, you were also moaning so loud while I do you— ibig sabihin ba noon, nagbibigay aliw din ako sa mas bata sa aki—”
Hindi niya hinayaang matapos ang sinasabi ko. Namula na parang kamatis ang mukha niya at buong lakas akong tinulak.
“Wala akong naririnig, lalalalalalalalala!!!” she shouted and ran away, covering her ears.
Naiwan akong tumatawa nang sobrang lakas dito sa alley.
Ang sakit ng tiyan ko.
“Hahaha,” I want more of this from her.
TABITHA
“Kasi sa pagkakaalam ko, you were also moaning so loud while I do you— ibig sabihin ba noon, nagbibigay aliw din ako sa mas bata sa aki—”
Paulit-ulit na umuukilkil sa utak ko ang nakakarinding, mapang-asar na boses ni Ronan, parang sirang plaka na ayaw tumigil. Every word felt like claws scraping inside my head.
I just can’t believe everything is falling apart this fast.
“Ready ka na, gurl?” Napalingon ako kay Konahrie nang tawagin niya ako. I forced myself to breathe. Isa na namang sleepover excuse ang ginawa ko sa parents ko para lang makapunta sa club ngayong gabi.
I didn’t want to hide from Ronan anymore. Ano pa bang mawawala sa’kin? Alam na niya kung sino talaga ako.
“I’ll just have to kill him… pag may ibang nakaalam.” Mahina kong bulong sa sarili ko, halos hindi ko marinig ang sarili kong boses.
“Hey, sinong kausap mo diyan, beh?” Tinapik ako ni Konah nang mapansin niya akong nakatulala sa gilid.
I blinked and quickly stood up, inaayos ang mask sa mukha ko na parang doon nakasalalay ang buong pagkatao ko.
“Wala. Tara na, malalate na tayo,” sabi ko, sabay hila sa kanya palabas ng condo unit.
Pagkabukas pa lang ng pinto, para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig.
My heart dropped straight to my stomach.
“Ma—?!” Napaatras ako, halos manginig ang tuhod ko. My chest tightened so hard I couldn’t breathe. What is she doing here?!
My mom was walking directly toward us.
“Shit, shit, shit…” pabulong na sabi ni Konah, mabilis na hinablot ang bag naming pang-club at itinapon pabalik sa loob ng unit bago isinarado ang pinto.
I couldn’t move. Parang nakabaon ang paa ko sa sahig.
“Tabi? Konah? Sweethearts, how are you guys?” nakangiting bati ni Mama, pero hindi umabot sa mga mata niya ang ngiti. Her gaze lingered on me a second too long — matalim, mapanuri, parang may hinahanap na mali.
“I’m sorry to interrupt your sleepover,” she continued casually, stepping closer. Every click of her heels felt like a countdown to my execution. “Lagi kasi every Friday night hindi na kita nakakasama, so I’ve decided to join you two tonight. What do you think?”
Ano?!
Nalaglag ang mundo ko sa ilalim ng paa ko.
Tonight. Of all nights.
Pakiramdam ko nahuli ako kahit wala pa siyang alam. My pulse roared in my ears, hands turning ice cold behind my back. If she stays… everything will fall apart.
At mas nakakatakot—
Parang may kutob siyang may tinatago ako.
What do you think, Tabi? They always say a mother knows what’s best… and maybe that’s true.
Maybe that’s why I can’t shake this feeling that what I’m doing now isn’t right — not completely, not in the way it’s supposed to be. I can feel it in my chest, like a quiet ache that won’t let me pretend anymore.
I don’t think this is what she would’ve wanted for me… and somehow, that makes it hurt even more.
Sorry Ma.
“May dala akong fish and chips, perfect for movies! Sleepover and movie night, ano sa tingin niyo?” masayang tanong ni Mama habang hinihila kami papasok sa condo ni Konah.
Nagkatinginan kami ni Konah. Pasimple niyang sinipa ang bag papasok sa shoe drawer—sinisiguradong hindi iyon mapapansin ni Mama. Dahil kapag nakita niya ang laman nun… ang mask niya na nasa loob—
Everything will be over.
Parang nanigas ang buong katawan ko sa takot. Hindi ako makagalaw, hindi ako makapag-isip. Yung puso ko, tila dudurog sa lakas ng tibok.
How will I escape my mom tonight?
“Ma, how about Dad? Sino kasama niya tonight?” tanong ko nang makasunod ako sa kanya sa kitchen habang inaayos niya ang dala niyang pagkain.
“Wag mong isipin ang dad mo. Nasa party siya ng kaibigan niya, siguradong late na yun uuwi. He won’t be needing me tonight,” pabirong sagot niya habang siniserve ang pagkain.
Pakiramdam ko pinakukuluan kami ni Konah sa kumukulong tubig. Wala ni isang segundo na kumalma ang dibdib ko sa sobrang kaba.
Umupo kami sa couch at nagsimulang kumain habang namimili sila ng movie.
Biglang nag-vibrate ang phone ko sa bulsa. Pasimple ko itong kinuha at sinilip.
From Mamang: Wer n u, baby ko? It’s almost midnight. Midnight Ballerina time!
Kinagat ko ang kuko ko sa sobrang panic bago ko ibalik ang phone sa bulsa. Kinalabit ko si Konah sa likod ni Mama at agad kaming nagkatinginan.
“I need to go,” I mouthed silently.
“Alam ko, pero paano?” balik niyang bulong.
Hindi ko rin alam.
Paano ba ako makakatakas dito?
Isip, Tabitha. Isip.
“Ehem—ehem!” I forced a horrified cough and shot Konah a look before lightly tugging her hair, my silent signal.
“Oh, okay ka lang ba, Tabi?” Mama asked, worry instantly flashing across her face.
“Agh—ehem—na-nasamid lang po,” I croaked, clutching my throat as if I could barely breathe.
“Tubig! Opo, kailangan niya lang ng tubig, Tita. Stay there and chill. Tabi, let’s go,” Konah said quickly, already guiding me toward the kitchen like I was seconds away from collapsing.
I glanced back at Mama. She was still staring at me, concern written all over her face.
Pagkapasok namin sa kusina, agad kaming nagbulungan.
“Konah, I need to dance tonight. Kailangan natin ng plan.”
“I have one,” she whispered.
May kinuha siya sa drawer. My stomach dropped when I realized what it was. Before I could even fully react, she crushed something into fine powder and let it dissolve into the glass of water she prepared.
Nanlaki ang mga mata ko.
Is she sure about this?
Putting my mom to sleep just so I can sneak out and dance?
Hindi ba ang sama kong anak?
“Teka—” I tried to stop her, my voice barely above a breath.
She looked at me, eyes sharp. “Bakit? May iba ka pa bang alam na paraan?”
“Girls? Are you okay out there?” Mama called.
My heart pounded so loudly I was sure she could hear it from the living room.
Wala na akong maisip. Wala na talaga.
I took a deep breath and stepped out of the kitchen.
“I’m fine, Ma. Ikaw po, do you want anything to drink?” I asked, forcing a steady tone.
“Just water,” she said with the sweetest smile.
That smile almost broke me.
Sorry, Ma.
Kinuha ko ang baso mula kay Konah. It felt heavier than it should’ve. Parang bawat hakbang ko papunta sa kanya ay may kasamang bigat sa dibdib ko.
Umupo ako sa tabi niya. We both watched.
She drank it slowly at first. Then tuloy-tuloy, ubos.
Every swallow tightened something in my chest.
“Let’s watch something, Tita. How about this?” Konah suggested, acting normal—too normal.
“Sure, namiss ko rin panoodin ’yan,” Mama said softly.
We sat beside her on the couch, pretending to be relaxed, pretending nothing was wrong. Kumakain siya habang nanonood, occasionally smiling at the screen.
Minutes passed.
Then she yawned.
Once.
Twice.
Her eyelids began to droop, blinking slower each time. Her head tilted slightly to the side. She tried to stay awake, shifting her weight, fighting the heaviness creeping into her body.
“Pagod lang siguro ako,” she murmured.
My fingers dug into my palms.
Yes… konti na lang.
You can do it, Ma.
Another yawn. Her words became softer, slower. The food in her hand lowered gradually until it rested on her lap.
Her eyes fluttered.
Then closed.
She shifted once more, trying to sit up straighter—but her body gave in. Slowly, she lay back against the couch.
Silence.
I stared at her chest, waiting.
One breath.
Another.
Steady.
“Tulog na,” Konah whispered.
Hindi pa rin ako gumalaw agad. I leaned closer, watching carefully, making sure she was really asleep. Guilt clawed at me as I adjusted the small pillow under her head, as if that small act could somehow balance what we just did.
“You should go,” Konah said softly.
“Huh?”
“Tangi, pag biglang nagising si Tita at wala tayong dalawa dito, kinabukasan buong polisya ang naghahanap sa atin. Mas okay na maiwan ako dito. Ako na bahala magpalusot. Ikaw pumunta ka na. Kaya mo naman, diba?”
My heart raced again—but for a different reason now.
Fear.
Excitement.
Guilt.
Everything mixed together.
She was right. If one of us stayed, mas may chance na makalusot kami. I’ll just perform. Then uuwi din agad ako.
Huminga ako nang malalim at tumango. “Fine. Basta text mo ako agad.”
She nodded.
I grabbed the bag we hid earlier and slung it over my shoulder. I looked at Mama one last time—peaceful, unaware.
Sorry, Ma.
Then I slipped out of the unit, my chest tight, my hands cold.
There was fear in every step.
The possibility of getting caught.
The weight of what I just did.
But beneath all that—
Something stronger pulled me forward.
I need to dance tonight.
Something inside me is screaming that I have to.
“Nako, sakto 11:55, you’re here, Nana! Pakibilis, tulungan mo na ayusin si Ruby, jusko, nagwawala na ang mga client natin!!!” hindi magkandaugaga si Mamang sa pag-aayos ng buhok ko.
Habang tinatali ko ang lace mask ni Mama sa likod ng ulo ko, si Nana naman ang nag-aayos ng lace ng heels ko, paakyat hanggang hita.
Nakatuon ang atensyon ko sa stage, pero pilit kong sinisilip mula sa pinto ng dressing room ang VIP lodge. Kahit anong angat ko ng ulo ko, masyado itong mataas para makita ko kung sino ang nasa loob.
Was he here tonight?
Makikita ko lang ang VIP lodge kapag nasa stage na ako. Dali-dali akong naglakad papuntang backstage.
“Sandali, Ruby! May two minutes pa, baka bigla kang lumabas. Mag-a-announce pa lang si Jeff,” hila ni Mamang sa balikat ko nang palabas na sana ako.
Shit. I almost forgot. Bakit ba ako nagkakaganito?
What if he’s here tonight? He knows who I really am. Will it make a difference when he sees me dance tonight?
Does he still like m— I mean, Ruby?
Tangina naman, Tabi. Focus. Hindi ito ang goal mo tonight.
You just have to dance, and after that, uuwi ka na.
Focus.
“It’s midnight! We all know what that means!!! Our fresh meat is here, as hot as we all are tonight! Our Midnight Ballerina, you can look, but you can’t taste!!!!”
Malakas ang hiyawan nang lumabas ako sa stage.
My eyes automatically landed on the VIP lodge, ignoring all the attention people were giving me.
No one was there. Wala siya ngayong gabi.
A small ache suddenly attacked my chest, pero nagsimula na ang music.
“I hate that I love you…” I silently sang along as I started moving my body.
In the most sensual way. This time, I will dance not because of the art of ballet. Tonight, I will just be a stripper, as I am.
Without the fire to express the art of dancing, I moved with nothing but the sensation the crowd was giving me. And flashes of Ronan’s touches on Ruby.
I was dancing tonight because I thought you’d be here.
The performance ended faster than I expected.
“Give our Midnight Ballerina a round of applause! Isn’t that too hot for us tonight?”
Hindi ko na inintindi ang sinabi ng host. I walked off the stage as money rained down behind me.
“Wow, Ruby, iba ka tonight. Extra spicy ang atake,” compliment ni Nana.
I just nodded and walked toward the dressing room, pero tumigil ang tibok ng puso ko nang mag-angat ako ng tingin.
Nakita ko si Ronan na naglalakad papalapit sa akin.
I gasped when our eyes met. Dumaan siya sa tabi ko, pero parang nag-slow motion ang lahat nang maramdaman ko ang saglit niyang paghaplos sa mga daliri ko.
He touched me without anyone noticing. I caught a glimpse of a smirk on his lips before he let go and headed straight to the second floor, toward the restroom.
I was left there, lips parted, heart racing.
Anong gagawin niya sa restroom? Was a lady waiting for him there?
Sa hindi ko malamang dahilan, sinundan ko siya. Lakad-takbo ang ginawa ko paakyat sa second floor. Maikli lang ang distansya, pero sobra ang hingal na dala ng mahina kong puso.
I marched straight to the restroom, ready to catch him red-handed—ready to see him with someone else, to prove that I was right.
But the second I pushed the door open, a hand shot out and pulled me inside.
The door slammed shut.
Before I could even gasp, my back hit the cold wall. His fingers were at my mask, tugging it down, tossing it aside like it was nothing. Like nothing stood between us anymore.
And then his mouth was on mine.
Not gentle. Not careful.
Hungry.
The kiss wasn’t a question, it was a claim. His hand pressed against my waist, firm enough to keep me there, like I might disappear if he loosened his grip.
“Tabitha,” he breathed against my lips.
My name.
Just that.
But the way he said it, low, almost breaking—made something inside me snap. All the anger I carried, all the pride, all the walls I built brick by brick… they cracked in an instant.
He kissed me again, slower this time, deeper. Like he was memorizing me. Like he was reminding me who I belonged to.
And I hated how my body answered him without hesitation.
Because in that moment, pinned against the wall with his name still trembling in the air—
I would have given him everything.
Every scar. Every secret. Every fragile piece of me.
He didn’t even have to ask.
And that terrified me the most.
“Ronan?”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN : ANO TAYO?
“The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more.”
-Nicholas Sparks
“Agh—” A whimper slipped from my lips as he kept pressing me against the back door of the restroom cubicle.
Mapusok ang bawat galaw niya. Each kiss he planted on my skin left me weak and breathless. Ronan was hungry for more. His hand slid down to my thigh before slowly lifting it, pressing me closer to the bulge between his legs.
When it brushed against me, I felt my strength melt away. Para akong kinakapos ng hininga sa bawat pagdiin niya sa sensitibong parte ng katawan ko.
We weren’t even having actual sex. This was just a heated make-out session… yet I was already soaking wet.
This is so stupid. And embarrassing.
But how can I stop when he’s already here?
“Sinusundan mo ako,” Ronan asked hoarsely. His tone sounded like a melody—yet carried a teasing edge.
A tease that was driving me insane.
“H-Hindi,” I whispered.
Naramdaman ko ang paggapang ng kanyang mainit na palad sa likod ko, sa ilalim ng suot kong dress, paakyat sa batok ko. I didn’t know anything about science, but his touch sent sparks racing through my veins—and it felt dangerously good.
I wanted more.
His lips moved from mine, trailing down to my jaw and then to my neck. I tilted my head back, giving him better access to my delicate skin.
“Hmmm…” A soft, breathless sound escaped me.
“You followed me because you want me, right?” he whispered against my ear.
Hindi, wag kang magpapadala, Tabitha. This is just a casual make ou—
“Agh!” I groaned when he suddenly bit my left shoulder.
“Oops, my ba—”
His playful smile disappeared when he heard someone outside.
“Cain? Where are you?” The voice sounded like it belonged to a middle-aged lady.
Wait… was that the woman he came with?
Hinahanap na siya nito.
We stopped kissing. Slowly, he set me down but his hands were still wrapped around my waist.
“Let go,” bulong kong sabi.
“Cain, are you in there?” she called again.
Ronan glanced at me, then suddenly pulled me into one last kiss before letting go.
“I’ll go first,” he whispered.
Marahan niya akong itinulak sa likod ng pinto bago niya ito binuksan at lumabas.
“Celestine,” he called her name, and moments later their footsteps faded away.
“Are you okay? What took you so long?” I heard the woman ask as they walked off.
I was left there, dumbfounded—stunned by the fact that I almost slept with him after knowing who I really was.
Does he like me?
Or was it Ruby?
Hindi ko alam.
But one thing was painfully clear.
Ruby or Tabitha… both of them were weak when it came to his touch.
“You’re doomed,” I whispered to myself.
I hurriedly opened the door and nearly gasped the life out of myself when I saw Konahrie standing right in front of it the second it swung open.
“Oh my gosh— bakit ka nasa pinto!” pabulong kong bulalas.
Nanlaki ang mga mata naming dalawa habang mabilis kong isinara ang pinto, maingat na hindi ito kumalabog.
“Gaga ka. Malamang hinihintay kita,” pabulong din niyang sagot, nakakunot ang noo.
Hinihingal at pawis na pawis, naglakad ako nang dahan-dahan papasok ng condo. Agad dumako ang tingin ko sa couch kung saan ko iniwan si Mama kanina kasama si Konah.
Nandoon pa rin siya.
Mahimbing ang tulog, nakatagilid ang ulo sa armrest. May kumot na nakabalot sa kanya, at sa mahinang ilaw ng sala ay kitang-kita ang pagtaas-baba ng dibdib niya sa bawat paghinga.
“Shhh.” Sita ko kay Konah nang marinig kong kumaluskos ang mga paa niya sa sahig habang sumusunod sa likuran ko.
“Sorry.” She mouthed.
Pareho kaming nag-tip toe, halos pigilin ang paghinga habang naglalakad papunta sa kwarto. Nang makarating kami roon, dahan-dahan kong isinara ang pinto.
Click.
Doon lang ako tuluyang nakahinga nang maluwag.
“Shuta ka, bakit ang tagal mo bumalik?” bulong ni Konah pero ramdam ang gigil sa boses niya. “Alam mo bang parang may time bomb ako dito kakahintay sa’yo? Halos bawat minutong lumilipas, para akong hinahabol ng serial killer sa kaba—baka gumising si Tita at mahuli tayo.”
Napahilot ako sa batok.
Naiintindihan ko ang takot niya.
“Sorry… medyo natagalan.”
I was only supposed to dance and go home.
Pero may nangyari sa restroom.
At hanggang ngayon, hindi pa rin iyon maalis sa isip ko.
Even now, my heart was still beating wildly, remembering every touch he left on my skin—every brush of his fingers, every heat of his breath.
Shit.
“Oh, bakit namumula tenga mo?” biglang puna ni Konah. “Okay ka lang ba?”
Doon ko lang napansin ang init na gumagapang sa tenga at pisngi ko. Agad akong umiwas ng tingin at nagkunwaring abala sa paghuhubad ng coat.
“Wala… dahil sa pagod,” mabilis kong sagot. “Tumakbo kaya ako para makarating agad dito.”
Pagsisinungaling.
“Oh siya, magbihis ka na at matulog. Baka mahuli pa tayo.”
Tumango ako.
Lumabas siya ng kwarto at dumiretso sa living room. Humiga siya sa floor mattress sa tabi ng couch kung saan natutulog si Mama.
Bago niya ipikit ang mga mata niya, napalingon siya sa akin.
Ngumiti ako at marahang binigkas sa labi ang isang salita.
Thank you.
Ngumiti rin siya bago tuluyang ipinikit ang mga mata niya.
Naiwan akong nakatayo sa pintuan ng kwarto.
Dumako ang tingin ko kay Mama.
Tahimik siyang natutulog, walang kaalam-alam sa lahat ng ginagawa ko sa likod niya.
Biglang sumikip ang dibdib ko.
I’m sorry, Ma.
I’m doing things you don’t know about.
Things you would probably hate if you ever found out.
But I don’t know how to stop anymore.
It feels like I’m already drowning in all of this.
Then suddenly—
Ronan’s face flashed into my mind.
The way he looked at me. The way his hands held me. The way my body betrayed me.
My heart started pounding again.
Crazy.
Uncontrollable.
And the worst part?
I’m not just drowning in this mess.
I’m drowning in him too.
Weeks passed, and the same forbidden pattern kept repeating, paulit-ulit kong ginagawa ang mga bagay na alam kong hindi ko dapat ginagawa kasama si Ronan. It felt like I was slowly drowning, sinking deeper into a temptation I no longer had the strength to resist.
And yet, come daylight, come reality, he becomes a stranger.
Sa school, parang hindi kami kailanman nagtagpo. Para bang walang nangyari. Even when our paths cross, he walks past me like I’m invisible… like I was never someone he held, never someone he wanted.
At sa tuwing nangyayari ’yon, something inside me twists.
Inis. Frustration. Something sharper… something heavier.
Ano ba ang tingin niya sa amin? Ano ’to sa kanya, isang laro lang? Isang bagay na ginagawa niya kapag gusto niya, then easily forgotten after?
What do you expect, Tabitha? He’s a playboy. Hindi siya yung tipo ng lalaking mananatili. Hindi siya yung lalaking pipili.
Ruby was just another moment. Another thrill.
Pero bakit ganito?
Bakit ako… hindi ko kayang ituring ’to na ganoon lang?
Because for me, it was never just that.
Every touch lingered longer than it should. Every moment stayed, echoing inside me even when he was gone. And no matter how much I tried to deny it, my body—my heart—kept searching for him.
Craving him.
Not just the way he made me feel in the dark… but the way he made everything else disappear.
And that was the most dangerous part.
Because I didn’t just want those stolen moments anymore.
I wanted him… even in the light.
After all the things that is running into my mind, while walking in the campus. I saw him.
I finally saw him.
Sa pagkakataon nagtagpo ang mga landas namin, sa isang sulok na halos walang dumadaan. Tahimik. Mabigat.
Our eyes met and he just flashed that charming yet playful smirk he always does. This time, hindi na ako papayag na hindi kami mag-papansinan dito.
I must clear things up.
Nakatayo akong naghintay, nakapamewang, pilit kinokontrol ang sarili.
Lumapit siya sa akin, habang kalmadong nakatago ang mga kamay sa magkabilang bulsa ng kanyang suot na pantalon.
“Ano ba itong ginagawa mo?” diretso kong tanong. “Ginagawa natin?”
Bahagyang kumunot ang noo ni Ronan, parang hindi agad naintindihan. “What do you mean?”
Humakbang ako palapit, puno ng inis ang boses.“Ano ’to? Sa umaga, ang sungit mo sa’kin, snobber, halos parang hindi tayo magkakilala, parang wala akong kwenta. Pero pag gabi…” napahinto siya, napakagat sa labi, “bigla mo akong hinahanap, hinahagkan na parang walang bukas.”
Tahimik siya. Nakatingin lang.
Ano, hindi ka magsasalita?!
“Para kang… ibang tao,” dagdag ko, shit, I could pee out of nervousness right now. “So ano ba talaga? Gusto mo ba ako?” tama, nandito kana Tabitha, lakasan mo na lang ang loob mo. Wala nang atrasan ito.
Napangisi si Ronan. Hindi sumagot, natawa lang nang mahina.
Ano joke ba ito sa paningin niya! Agh! Nakakainis!!!
At doon, parang may bumagsak sa loob ko, hindi ko na maintindihan ang lahat nang ito.
Of course, bulong ng isip ko. Ano bang ine-expect mo, Tabi?
Tama na, Tabi, you look stupid in front of him. Backout na!
Napayuko ako, napaatras ng kaunti. “Forget it,” mabilis kong sambit, pilit tinatago ang hiya. “From now on, don’t talk to me.”
Tumawa ako ng pilit. “Nakakainis ka.” pasinghal kong sambit.
Tinalikuran ko ito. Handa na akong umalis at kainin ang buong kahihiyan na ginawa ko ngayong araw. Tama na ito, Tabitha.
“And don’t you dare, don’t you dare come near me at midnight like that again. Who do you think you are—”
Bigla akong napahinto.
I gasped when he suddenly pulled me back, facing him.
“—hmff!” Pinutol ang sasabihin ko. Gamit ang kanyang labi.
Saglit.
Tahimik.
At napaka init.
Paglayo nito, halos mawalan ako ng balanse. “Just shut up,” mahina pero mabigat na sabi ni Ronan, nakatitig diretso sa aking mga mata. “And be mine.” What?
What just happened? “Ganun kabilis?” nanginginig ang boses kong sambit. Shit nanlalambot ang mga tuhod ko, isang maling galaw alam kong matutumba ako. “Bakit—may kailangan pa ba tayong hintayin?” How can he be so calm about this?
Seryoso ako dito.
Halos bibigay ang puso ko sa sobrang bilis ng pagtibok nito, pero ganito niya lang ako kukunin? Ganun kabilis?!
Lumapit pa siya ng konti, halos magkalapit na ang noo namin, I mean magkadikit na talaga!
“You like me,” bulong nito, siguradong-sigurado. “And I…”
Huminto siya sandali, parang pinipili ang salita.
“…I don’t plan on letting you go.”
Tahimik ulit ang paligid, kapos sa hangin, paos at tila lumiliit ang espasyo sa paligid namin.
Pero this time, hindi na magaan.
Mas mabigat. Mas totoo.
At mas delikado.
Totoo ba ito o panaginip lamang?!
RONAN
Para akong tanga na kanina pa pangit-ngiti dito sa gilid. Fuck. I have never felt this stupid in my whole life.
Ganito ba talaga ang sinasabi nila? Was I really this down bad?
Hindi ko maintindihan. Lahat ng ito ay bago sa akin, pero wala na akong nais pang gawin kundi angkinin siya. Everything about her amazes me. Her being Ruby and Tabitha at the same time doesn’t feel any different to me.
I want both.
Ang dami ko nang nakita sa kanya. Every expression on her beautiful face excites me—bawat lungkot, saya, takot, at galit. Lahat iyon gusto kong matuklasan.
Wala pa akong ginustong tao nang ganito sa buong buhay ko, maliban sa kanya.
I have never been this desperate to have someone.
Buong buhay ko, wala akong tinuring na taong para sa akin. Kahit ang sarili kong ina, hindi ko kailanman naramdaman na akin siya.
But now—
Tabitha.
I want all of her.
Gusto ko siyang protektahan. Pasayahin. Alagaan. Makasama sa bawat hakbang.
Hindi ko alam. Siguro mukha na akong tanga ngayon, pero handa akong gawin ang lahat—just to see her smile.
“Cain, are you even listening?”
Napabalik ako sa sarili ko nang hawakan ni Celestine ang magkabilang pisngi ko at pilit akong hinarap sa kanya.
Our eyes met, and I immediately saw the irritation written across her face.
Umayos ako ng upo at dahan-dahang tinanggal ang kamay niya sa mukha ko.
“Sorry. I was just spacing out. Kulang sa tulog,” tugon ko.
“Why do you have to work other jobs? I can give you triple the salary you earn from it. You just have to say it,” she said.
Umiling ako at huminga nang malalim.
Ever since I kissed Tabitha’s lips, alam ko na sa sarili ko na handa na akong bitawan ang lahat ng ito para sa halik na iyon.
I don’t need this job anymore.
Maghahanap ako ng trabaho na hindi ko kailangang ibenta ang sarili kong katawan.
Handa na akong bitawan ito.
Ngayon.
“Why are you sighing? May problema ba?” Lumapit siya at sinubukang halikan ang labi ko.
Pero umiwas ako.
Marahan ko siyang itinulak palayo.
“W-what?” hindi makapaniwalang sambit niya.
“I want to quit this job,” seryoso kong sabi. Walang takot. Walang pangamba.
Alam kong hindi ko na ito kailangan.
Tanging ang mga mata at ang nakangiting labi ni Tabitha ang nasa isip ko ngayon.
“What? You’re lying. You’ve got to be kidding me.” Her voice started to rise, filled with frustration.
Alam kong mangyayari ito.
Pero wala na akong pakialam.
I want this to end.
I want to offer myself to Tabitha—whole and pure.
“No. Seryoso ako, Celestine. I want to quit. Please let me go.”
Ayoko nang pahabain pa ito.
Una sa lahat, mali naman talaga ang lahat ng ito. Wala na akong dahilan para ipilit pa.
I want to be pure and fully dedicated to whatever Tabitha and I have.
I might look like I’m not serious about her.
But damn—
“Why? You can’t do this to me. Dahil ba sa asawa ko? Are you scared of him?” Her voice trembled, desperation bleeding through every word. “I can protect you from him. Please… don’t do this. Don’t leave me, Cain. You know how much I need your touch.”
Mahigpit niyang hinawakan ang braso ko, pilit akong hinihila palapit sa kanya.
Sinubukan kong kumalas, pero hindi siya pumapayag.
“Celestine,” mahina kong sambit, pilit pinipili ang mga salitang hindi siya tuluyang sasaktan. “I just want a decent life. Ayaw ko na ng ganito. Please… just let me go. May mahahanap ka ring papalit sa akin.”
Unti-unting namuo ang luha sa mga mata niya.
For a moment, akala ko lalong lalala ang sitwasyon.
Pero bigla siyang tumigil.
She let go of my arm and sat up straight.
“Fine… if that’s what you want.”
Napakunot ang noo ko. The sudden shift felt wrong—too quick, too easy. Parang may kung anong nagbago sa hangin.
But before I could think more about it, my eyes drifted toward the stage.
Nakatayo roon si Tabitha.
And she was staring straight at me.
Tumayo ako agad.
“Salamat sa lahat, Celestine… bye.” Bahagya akong yumuko bago tuluyang tumalikod.
Nakasunod ang tingin ko kay Tabitha habang nagwa-walk out siya mula sa stage.
I need to catch her.
CELESTINE
I watched him walk out of the bar.
Pakiramdam ko parang may kutsilyong dahan-dahang tumusok sa dibdib ko—then slowly pulled out, leaving something far worse than the stab itself.
I couldn’t breathe.
Galit. Lungkot. Pagkawala.
All of it crashing inside me at once.
I don’t want to let him go.
Hindi pwede.
I grabbed my phone with trembling hands and dialed a number.
The line rang.
“Hello?”
“I need your help,” I whispered darkly.
My eyes remained fixed on the door where Cain had disappeared.
Whatever your reasons are, Cain…
You can’t just quit on me like that.
You’re mine.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN : I LOVE IT
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” - Lao Tzu
RONAN’S POV
“Where is she?” hinihingal kong sambit habang panay ang palingon ko sa paligid ng back exit ng club. Saan siya nagpunta?
I grabbed my phone and tried calling her, but she wasn’t answering. Shit.
I could’ve moved faster. Mag-uumpisa pa lang, LQ na agad.
TABITHA’S POV
“Hoy, kagabi pa ’yang ring nang ring. Balak mo na lang bang panoorin ’yang phone mo buong araw? Isa pa, bakit hindi ka pa nag-aayos? May pasok tayo, ’noh.”
Kibit-balikat kong binalewala ang sinabi ni Konah. Masama pa rin ang tingin na ibinabato ko sa pangalang naka-flash sa screen ng phone ko.
Sabi niya, ako ang gusto niya. Pero bakit ang intimate pa rin nilang mag-usap ng babaeng iyon kagabi? He should be avoiding her now that we’re official.
Ayaw ko ng may kahati.
“Hindi ka titigil, ah!” I hissed before turning off my phone para tumigil na ito sa kakatunog. Bahala ka sa buhay mo.
Padabog akong tumayo bago dumiretso sa banyo para maligo. Umiiling lang akong pinanood ni Konahrie hanggang sa maisara ko nang malakas ang pinto ng banyo.
“Hala sige, sirain mo ang pinto,” rinig kong komento niya sa labas.
I wasted no time showering and preparing for school. Pero nang paalis na kami ni Konah, napatingin ako sa ballet training shoes ko.
Suddenly, a burst of emotions filled my chest.
Naalala ko kung gaano ko nami-miss ang pagsasayaw ng ballet. Slowly, my eyes drifted to my injured feet. Nawala lahat ng iniisip ko at napalitan ng matinding pagkadismaya. Suddenly, I remembered that I failed to become the Swan Lake Princess.
“Oh, anong nangyari sa’yo? Kanina nakasigaw ka, ngayon parang iiyak ka naman diyan.
Rereglahin ka na ba?“ puno ng pag-aalalang tanong ni Konah.
Agad kong pinunasan ang mukha ko at inayos ang tayô ko.
“Wala ’to. Tara na, malalate na tayo,” sambit ko sabay hila sa kanya papunta ng elevator.
“Oh siya nga pala, anong oras kita idadaan sa hospital mamaya? Anong oras nga ba ’yon? Ten a.m.? After first class, diba?”
Kumunot ang noo ko sa tanong niya. Hospital?
“Huh?” wala sa sarili kong sambit habang pilit inaalala kung bakit niya ako ihahatid sa hospital.
“Diba, check-up mo kay Tito slash Doc Lynus mo.”
Doon ko lang naalala. May check-up nga pala ako. Naka-off kasi ang phone ko kaya nakalimutan ko. Usually, doon ako nireremind.
“Yeah, sure. Ten a.m. Sunduin mo ako sa tapat ng building.”
Tumango siya bago isinakay ang bag niya sa likod ng sasakyan, at tinahak na namin ang daan papuntang campus.
The first class happened without me using my phone, trying my best to avoid thinking about him the whole time.
After class, gaya ng napag-usapan, dumiretso kami ni Konah sa hospital. Hinatid niya lang ako bago umalis para sa errands niya habang dumiretso ako sa office ni Tito Lynus.
“You’re doing well, I see. And you look so alive and fresh these days. Besides your feet, you’re as healthy as an elephant,” pabirong sambit ni Tito Lynus habang tinatanggal ang suot niyang salamin matapos basahin ang test results ko.
“Is there a chance I can dance again po? Kahit simple steps lang, and it won’t put too much pressure… kahit hindi main role?” tanong ko, my heart desperately hoping for the answer I wanted to hear.
“Your leg healed faster than we expected. I see no problem with you going back to dancing again, but you should know your limits. Pain can return just as fast when you abuse it. Why do you still want to join the play?” Hinawi niya ang maayos niyang buhok bago tumingin diretso sa mga mata ko.
That gaze gave me comfort and warmth that I suddenly shed small tears and nodded as my answer.
“I still want to dance on that stage,” my voice cracked as I spoke.
Tito Lynus smiled and stood up before walking toward me. He pulled me into the warmest hug and gently patted my head.
“I can write a letter stating that you’re now capable of dancing. But like I said, you must not abuse it before it’s too late. That’s the only help I can give. Nasa’yo na kung paano mo mapapayag ang ballet coach mo na makasali ka ulit sa recital.”
That made me cry even more. Para akong batang umiiyak sa tito niya habang mahigpit ko siyang niyayakap sa bewang.
“Titoooo,” I whimpered.
He chuckled softly and stroked my hair.
“Shhh, baka isipin nila masama akong tito. Pinapaiyak ko ang favorite kong pasyente,” he teased.
“I don’t think this is a good idea, Jimenez. No doubt, you’re my star. I would love to see you become my Swan again… but with this short amount of practice time, I don’t think you can pull it off, iha.” walang kumpiyansang sambit ni Coach Victoria.
But my determination was burning too fiercely to back down now.
I wanted my place back.
No, I needed it back.
“Kaya ko po. Please… let me prove myself again.”
Umiling siya, at bakas sa mukha niya ang pag-aalinlangan. Hindi siya naniniwalang kaya kong maipakita ang Black Swan sa ganitong kaikling panahon. The recital would happen on the second week.
For a regular dancer, it was impossible.
But I was never just a regular dancer.
I wanted that role so badly that I was willing to risk everything for it. Every pain. Every sleepless night. Every step that could break me all over again.
Because the moment I stood in front of that mirror earlier, I remembered who I truly was.
I wasn’t born to watch the stage from afar. I belonged there.
And right now, there were only two things in this world that I wanted with all my heart-
That dance stage…
and Ronan.
So even if my body trembled, even if everyone doubted me, I would still fight for it.
“Please, Coach,” my voice cracked as tears blurred my vision. “Let me prove that I can still fly again.”
It took her a full minute before she finally sighed and handed me a tissue.
“This is a one-time chance. Prove it. Make it worth it… and show me who truly owns that stage.”
She spoke firmly, but behind those words, I could feel it-she was trying to believe in me again.
Slowly, I stood up and bowed my head at her.
“I promise,” I whispered.
She tapped my shoulder before walking out of her office, already dialing someone on her phone.
“Tell Kelly to pull out of the Swan role,” she said before smirking and glancing back at me. “It’s going back to its rightful owner.”
My breath hitched.
The doubt that once clouded her eyes suddenly disappeared. In its place was fire, burning, fierce, and challenging me to ignite mine again.
And at that moment, I felt it too.
The hunger.
The ambition.
The desperate need to reclaim what was always mine.
This stage belonged to me.
And this time… I would prove it to everyone.
“I got it back… thank you so much. If it weren’t for you, this wouldn’t have happened.”
Nakaupo ako sa campus bench habang kausap si Tito Lynus sa phone.
Narinig ko siyang tumawa sa kabilang linya. “I’m happy to help. But you know who’s going to kill me once she finds out what I did?”
It would probably be my-
“Mom.”
“Your mom.”
Sabay naming sambit bago kami parehong natawa.
“She’s definitely going to kill me. Should I start doing everything on my bucket list before I die in her hands?”
Mas lalo akong natawa sa sinabi niya. The dynamic between my mom and Tito Lynus was honestly the best. They were soulmates in the purest form, not romantic, but the kind that saves each other over and over again.
Tito Lynus saved both me and my mom. He was the second man I would trust my life with after Dad.
“I’m sure they’ll understand, Tito. You just wanted to make me happy… and that’s all that matters,” I said softly.
“I’m glad I’m doing the right thing in your eyes. I love you. Take care, and see me next week, okay?”
“Yes po. See you. Love you too.”
I ended the call, but before I could slip my phone back into my bag, someone suddenly grabbed it from my hand.
“Finally. Nahanap din kita.”
My breath caught when his face appeared right in front of me.
Ronan.
“Did you block me?”
My lips parted slightly as my heart skipped violently inside my chest.
“You’ve been ignoring me. Hindi ako nakatulog kakaisip sa’yo.”
I didn’t know if this was just his usual lover-boy side talking or if he was genuinely trying to win me back. Either way, it was working.
Fuck.
Hindi ko alam na ganito ako kahina sa harap niya.
One look from him and I was already losing.
“Heh. Ayokong makipag-usap sa’yo.”
Tatayo na sana ako nang hilahin niya ako, dahilan para aksidente akong mapaupo sa kandungan niya.
“Hey!”
I tried escaping his grip, but he refused to let me go.
“Why are you mad?” he asked softly.
That voice. Diyos ko. Even his gaze alone could weaken me. Ano bang ginawa mo sa akin? I was sure my face looked like a tomato right now.
“Talagang itatanong mo pa ya-”
Naputol ang sasabihin ko nang mabilis niyang halikan ang labi ko. Isang maikling peck lang, pero sapat para guluhin buong sistema ko.
“Joke lang. Alam kong galit ka dahil nakita mo akong kausap si Celestine kagabi,” he said with a grin. “But it was nothing. Last night, tinapos ko na lahat sa kanya. Tapos na. I’m all yours now.”
“Sayong-sayo ako.” He said it so playfully, but the words hit me harder than they should have.
Sinusubukan kong magsungit, pero t*ngina… hindi ko kaya.
“Oops, nakangiti ka,” natatawang sambit niya habang pilit hinaharap ang mukha ko. “Patingin nga. Hindi ka na galit, huh?”
“Ano ba! Hindi ako madaling suyuin, noh!”
As if naman, Tabitha. Sarili mo ngang katawan tinatraydor ka na.
He chuckled before pressing a kiss against my neck.
“May klase ka pa ba?” tanong niya.
Umiling ako. Cancelled ang afternoon class namin.
“Bakit?”
“Date tayo.”
Napatitig ako sa kanya nang buhatin niya ako patayo at marahang ibinaba sa harap niya. Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko, intertwining our fingers naturally, before grabbing my bag.
“Date?” hindi makapaniwalang sambit ko.
“Oo. Date. Diba gan’un ginagawa ng mga magka-relasyon?”
Fuck.
That single sentence nearly melted me alive.
“Fine. Pero hindi ito first time ko mag-date, noh,” I tried saying casually kahit na halos sumabog na ako sa kilig.
“Excuse me,” he said confidently. “Let me correct you. This is your first date with me. Magkaiba ’yon.”
Aba. Ang yabang talaga ng lalaking ito.
Pero ’yung yabang na sapat para tuluyan akong mahulog.
I never imagined myself falling for someone like him.
And somehow… I loved it.
“Kahit saan?” tanong ko na may halong hamon.
“Kahit saan.”
“Manang, isang sabaw pa ho.”
Tahimik ko siyang pinanood habang kumakain ng simpleng chicken inasal sa maliit na karinderyang nasa likod ng campus.
He said kahit saan, and somehow the world led us here, inside this tiny karinderya filled with the smell of grilled chicken and the warmth of the sweetest old lady serving us food.
First time ko sa ganito.
Pero never kong naisip na may malaking pagkakaiba ito sa mga mamahaling restaurant na nakasanayan ko.
Food was still food. Comfort was still comfort.
And somehow, this place felt warmer than any expensive restaurant I had ever stepped into.
Maybe because I was here with him.
I looked at Ronan.
I love him.
“Masarap ba?” tanong niya habang hinihimay ang chicken para ilagay sa plato ko.
Tumango ako bago sumubo.
He was so rare. So real. So raw.
Walang kahit anong peke sa kanya.
Maybe before, akala ko mysterious lang siya. Pero habang mas nakikilala ko siya, mas naiintindihan kong transparent pala siya. Totoo siya sa lahat ng bagay.
And I loved that about him.
“Masarap,” sambit ko. “Best choice for a date.”
“Sus. Niloloko mo ata ako,” natatawang sabi niya. “Alam kong mayaman ka. Hindi ka sanay sa ganito. Pero pansin mo ba? Mas masarap pa dito kaysa sa mga kinakainan mo.”
He was right.
The food here had this homey feeling no expensive restaurant could copy.
“Hoy, hindi ako maarte, noh! And tama ka… mas masarap nga dito. We should eat here once a week. Or every day!”
Tumawa siya bago pinunasan ang ketchup sa gilid ng labi ko.
“Hindi pwede araw-araw manok. Baka tubuan ka ng pakpak.”
“Pogi, ito na sabaw mo.” Lumapit ang matandang may-ari habang nakangiti sa amin. “Nako, napakaganda naman ng nobya mo. Bagay na bagay kayo. Mukha kayong itinadhana para sa isa’t isa.”
Biglang uminit ang magkabilang pisngi ko.
“Opo, Manang,” walang kahirap-hirap na sagot ni Ronan. “Papakasalan ko na ’to pagkatapos naming mag-aral. Wala nang kawala sa akin ’to.”
Napatawa nang malakas si Manang.
“Tama ’yan, iho. Huwag mo nang pakawalan.”
Pagkaalis niya, agad ko siyang siniko.
“Ang yabang mo. Kakasimula pa lang natin, iniisip mo nang ikaw papakasalan ko?”
“I’m gonna make it happen,” he said casually before continuing to eat. “No matter what.”
Napangiti na lang ako.
And somehow… I wanted to see him prove it.
Imagine me and him with our own family someday.
Ano ba ’yan, Tabitha. Bata mo pa, kasal agad iniisip mo.
Habang lutang ako sa pagda-daydream, napansin kong nakatutok siya sa maliit na twenty-four-inch TV sa gilid ng karinderya. MMA fight ang palabas.
“Mahilig ka sa MMA?” tanong ko.
“Hindi gaano. I just find it fun,” he answered while casually placing more chicken on my plate.
“By the way, may pasok ka pa ba after nito?” tanong ko.
“May shift ako mamaya sa restaurant, tapos ten p.m. sa convenience store naman.”
Napakunot-noo ako.
“Bakit parang sobrang pursigido mong kumita? Hindi ba sapat ’yung isang trabaho for your school fees and daily necessities?”
Hindi ba siya napapagod?
Working nonstop while studying at the same time?
“I need to buy a house,” maikli niyang sagot.
“Para sa’yo?”
Umiling siya.
“Para sa mama ko.”
Napatingin ako sa kanya.
This was the first time I heard him talk about his family.
“W-why?” maingat kong tanong. Ayokong maramdaman niyang pinipilit ko siyang mag-open up.
Tahimik niyang binitawan ang kutsara’t tinidor bago ako tuluyang hinarap.
He looked calm. Too calm.
“Binubugbog ng tatay ko ang nanay ko.”
Napatigil ako.
“He’s abusive. And I want to save my mother from him. Magagawa ko lang ’yon kapag may sarili na akong bahay na pwede naming takbuhan.”
Hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman ko.
Everything suddenly felt too serious. Too real.
“I work this hard because I want to save my mother from that hell,” he continued softly. “And don’t worry… I’m not like my father.”
Dahan-dahan niyang hinawakan ang kamay ko, and for the first time, I saw fear inside his eyes.
As if he was terrified of what I would think of him after hearing the truth.
I smiled softly before holding both of his hands tightly.
“I’m here to support you.”
Simple lang ang sinabi ko, but I made sure he could feel how sincere I was.
His expression softened before he lifted my hand and pressed a gentle kiss against it.
“Salamat,” he whispered.
And just like that, my heart started racing all over again.
God.
I love him so much.
The day ended well.
Hinatid ako ni Ronan pabalik sa campus bago siya dumiretso sa trabaho. Ngayon, hinihintay ko na lang si Konah matapos sa six p.m. class niya.
Quarter to seven na rin naman kaya saglit na lang. Tahimik lang akong nakaupo sa bench sa tapat ng building nila nang-
“How dare you!”
Napalingon ako nang dumating si Kelly kasama ang mga kaibigan niya. She was crying.
No-terribly crying.
Dinuro-duro niya ako habang namumula ang mukha sa galit.
“How dare you take my role?! Akin ’yon! You’re injured, you can’t dance! Akin na ’yung role na ’yon! I was supposed to be the star!” she screamed hysterically. “Inagaw mo na naman! Ilang beses ba kitang dapat pilayin para tuluyan ka nang hindi makasayaw?!”
Biglang natahimik ang paligid.
Her own friends looked horrified. Lahat ng tao sa paligid napatingin sa amin.
Kelly was too angry to realize na hindi lang kaming dalawa ang naroon.
“Kelly?!”
Sabay-sabay kaming napalingon nang marinig ang pamilyar na boses.
Coach Victoria stood there with the dean of the campus. Both of them looked shocked after hearing everything.
“You did that on purpose?” matalim na sambit ng dean. “To my office. Now.”
Naglakad silang palayo, but before Coach Victoria disappeared from sight, she glanced at Kelly with pure disappointment in her eyes.
“Oh God…”
Kelly suddenly broke down, realization crashing into her all at once. She ruined everything on her own.
“Kasalanan mo ’to!” sigaw niya bago ako sinampal nang malakas. “You ruined my life!”
The slap echoed loudly.
But I didn’t move.
I stayed still, quietly feeling the numb sting spreading across my cheek.
Dapat galit ako.
Napatunayan nang sinadya niya ang nangyari sa akin before. I should’ve hated her for it.
Pero hindi ko alam bakit… naaawa lang ako sa kanya.
Did I really ruin her life?
I didn’t know what to feel anymore.
“Huy! Anong nangyari sa pisngi mo? Sino gumawa niyan sa’yo?!” puno ng pag-aalalang tanong ni Konahrie nang makita niya ako.
Pagkauwi namin, agad siyang kumuha ng cold compress at marahang idiniin iyon sa pisngi ko.
“Masama ba akong tao if I hurt other people just to get what I want?” mahina kong tanong.
She looked at me straight in the eyes.
“Una sa lahat, sila ang unang nanakit para makuha ang gusto nila. Kinuha mo lang pabalik ang bagay na dapat naman talagang sa’yo.”
Huminga siya nang malalim bago muling nagsalita.
“Wala kang ginagawang masama, tandaan mo ’yan.”
Tahimik lang akong nakatingin sa sahig habang nagsasalita siya.
“Wag mo silang isipin. Choice nila ’yon, kaya nangyari lahat ng ’to. Don’t blame yourself. Labyu.”
She kissed my forehead gently, and somehow… gumaan nang kaunti ang dibdib ko.
“I got the role again, Konah,” mahina kong sambit. “No… inagaw ko ulit ’yung role kay Kelly. That hurts her. Hindi ko siya masisisi kasi alam ko ’yung pakiramdam na mawalan. Kaya naaawa ako sa kanya ngayon.”
Napapikit ako habang pilit pinipigilan ang luha.
“But I badly want that stage again. What should I do?”
Konah sighed before pulling me into a tight hug.
“You should dance your heart out on that stage. Just like the old times.”
Hinawi niya ang buhok ko at itinali iyon habang nakangiti.
“It’s yours anyway. Ano ka ba, tigilan mo na ’yang pag-o-overthink. That stage was always yours.”
She tapped my forehead lightly.
“Dedma sa bashers at sa konsensya mo. Ang isipin mo ngayon kung paano mo makakabisado lahat ng steps in two weeks.”
Konahrie was never jealous. Never selfish. Never a bad best friend.
She was always the best of the best.
Bigla na lang akong naiyak habang mahigpit siyang niyayakap.
“Thank you for everything, Konah,” umiiyak kong sambit. “You’re my soulmate.”
“Aba, dapat lang,” natatawa niyang sagot.
And just like that, we laughed everything out together.
After hours of practicing for Black Swan in the studio, I still chased midnight just to dance again at the club.
Hindi naging problema kay Ronan ang pagsasayaw ko roon after I explained how much dancing on that stage meant to me.
“What can I do?” natatawa niyang sabi noon. “Before I even met you, sumasayaw ka na diyan. It’s your passion. I’m not gonna ruin that.”
Then he grinned playfully.
“I just need to finish work earlier para mabantayan kita sa club. At mukhang kailangan ko na rin i-level up fighting skills ko.”
He was the best.
“Talagang walang kupas,” natatawang sambit ni Mamang habang binibilang ang kinita ng club. “Ang lakas pa rin ng kita kapag ikaw talaga ang sumasayaw sa main stage, Ruby. Oh siya, magbihis ka na sa dressing room at puntahan mo ako mamaya pagkatapos mo.”
Tumango ako bago dumiretso sa dressing room.
Tahimik ang buong hallway.
The music outside sounded distant now, muffled by the thick walls.
Pagpasok ko sa dressing room, agad akong naupo sa harap ng vanity table ko.
Then I noticed it.
A red envelope resting silently on top of the table.
My brows furrowed.
Napalingon ako sa paligid.
Empty.
Ako lang mag-isa sa dressing room.
Slowly, I picked up the envelope.
No name.
No markings.
Nothing.
A strange feeling crawled up my spine.
Dahan-dahan ko itong binuksan.
And the moment my eyes landed on the message inside-
My entire body went still.
Stay away from what’s mine. I owned him first.-C
My grip tightened around the paper.
Then suddenly-
The dressing room lights flickered once.
Twice.
And somewhere in the empty hallway outside…
I heard footsteps stop right in front of the door.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN : THE SAWN
“Success is the progressive realization of a worthy goal or ideal.” - Earl Nightingale
My grip tightened around the paper. Then suddenly-
The dressing room lights flickered once.
Twice.
“Anong nangyayari?” Somewhere in the empty hallway outside, I heard footsteps stop right in front of the door.
My chest heaved as I tried to catch my breath. Parang biglang nanlamig ang buo kong katawan sa hindi ko maipaliwanag na dahilan.
What is this? Who’s outside the door? Is it her?
Hinanda ko ang sarili ko sa anumang panganib na maaaring mangyari. Palapit nang palapit ang mga yabag mula sa labas ng pinto.
Inabot ko ang gunting na nasa ibabaw ng mesa at mahigpit iyong hinawakan. Ito na.
“Ruby!”
“Ahh!” Biglang bumukas ang pinto at napasigaw ako-only to find Konahrie standing there.
“Ahhhh!” Sigaw rin niya nang makita akong may hawak na gunting na nakatutok sa kanya.
“Bakit?! Sinong kaaway mo? At bakit sa akin nakatutok ’yan?!” gulat niyang tanong habang palinga-linga sa paligid.
My heart nearly jumped out of my chest. Unti-unti akong kumalma at pasimpleng isiniksik sa likod ng bulsa ko ang papel na hawak ko.
Hindi niya pwedeng makita ito.
“Wala… akala ko may multo,” sagot ko. “Multo? Bakit gunting hawak mo? Dapat rosary!” sita niya.
I let out a breath and ibinaba ang gunting bago nagsimulang mag-empake ng gamit.
“Pwede mo ba akong ihatid sa campus pagkatapos nito?” tanong ko.
“Huh? Madaling-araw na. Ano namang gagawin mo doon?” kunot-noo niyang tanong.
“Kailangan kong mag-practice. Kahit dalawang oras lang. Twelve pa lang naman,” sabi ko.
The campus guard was on duty 24/7, at may studio pass naman ako kaya pwede akong gumamit ng studio kahit anong oras.
Thanks to Coach Victoria.
Huminga nang malalim si Konahrie bago tumango. “Ano, sasamahan na lang kita doon.”
Umiling ako. “’Wag na. Kaya ko naman mag-isa.”
“Eh paano ka uuwi? Susunduin na lang kita ulit?” tanong niya, though halatang wala rin siyang tiwala sa sinabi niya. Once she falls asleep, hindi na siya magigising hangga’t hindi sumisikat ang araw.
I chuckled. “Ako na bahala. Kaya kong umuwi mag-isa. Don’t worry about me.”
“Hindi, sasamahan na lang kita,” pagpupumilit niya.
“Hindi na nga. Sige na, ihatid mo na lang ako tapos umuwi ka na sa condo mo at matulog. Tingnan mo nga eyebags mo, lumalaki na.”
She yawned before finally nodding. “Sure ka ah? Kapag may nangyari sa’yo pauwi, double kill ka sa’kin.”
Napatawa na lang ako at hinila siya palabas ng dressing room. Dumaan muna kami kay Mamang para kunin ang kinita ko ngayong gabi bago niya ako ihatid sa campus studio.
“Text mo ako pag uuwi ka na ah!” sigaw niya bago umalis.
I smiled and waved at her before entering the studio. Nilock ko ang pinto, binuksan lahat ng ilaw, at inayos ang music sa speaker.
Black Swan started playing.
Mahigpit kong itinali ang ballet shoes ko bago marahang minasahe ang injured kong paa.
“Please,” mahina kong bulong, “let me dance again.”
I could feel the burning desire in my veins as I slowly walked toward the center of the stage.
I took a deep breath. Then, fear vanished. Pagmulat ko ng mga mata, ang dating tahimik at bakanteng studio ay napuno ng tao, kamera, at nakakasilaw na ilaw, at least in my mind.
This is my stage. I’m not letting this go again. Never.
Biglang bumalik sa akin lahat ng dahilan kung bakit ko minahal ang pagsasayaw.
I remembered the first time I watched my mother dance in front of a crowd like this. She moved with such grace, so magical it changed the direction of my dreams. I wanted to be like her.
I wanted to feel what she felt while standing under those lights. That overwhelming rush the moment she won.
I wanted to become someone worthy of the stage. But not as her shadow. On my own stage. Through my own dance.
And as the Black Swan.
Swan Lake by Tchaikovsky filled the entire studio as I slowly closed my eyes and let my body follow the music.
And then-I danced.
Every movement carried emotion. Every turn held elegance, soft and graceful like a swan gliding across still water. My arms flowed with the story the music wanted to tell-beauty, pain, longing.
Freedom.
Ilang beses akong nawalan ng balanse, ilang beses ding sumakit ang injured kong paa, but my focus never wavered.
I wanted this too badly.
I couldn’t afford to lose again.
Again and again, inulit ko ang choreography, pilit hinahanap ang perfection sa bawat galaw. Hanggang sa makalipas ang dalawang oras, tuluyan akong napaupo sa gitna ng entablado habang hinihingal.
Unti-unti ring naglaho sa isip ko ang mga taong kanina’y pinapaniwalaan kong nanonood sa akin mula sa audience seats.
The studio became empty again.
Tahimik. Pero sa dibdib ko, may apoy pa ring nag-aalab. I can’t give up now.
Hindi ngayong binigyan ako ng pagkakataong mabawi ang entabladong dapat naman talaga ay para sa akin.
Hindi ako papayag na maagaw ulit iyon. I reached for my water bottle and took a long drink when suddenly, my phone vibrated beside me.
From Ronan:
Tapos ka na mag-practice?
Napaupo ako nang maayos pagkabasa ko sa message niya.
How did he know?
To Ronan:
How did you know I’m practicing?
I saw the “seen” mark appear, but instead of replying, he called. Mabilis kong sinagot iyon, kasabay ng biglang pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko.
What is he doing to me?
“So,” masigla niyang bungad mula sa kabilang linya, “tapos ka na bang mag-practice?”
“Paano mo alam?” kunot-noo kong tanong. “Nasa labas ako.”
Napahinto ako.
“I tracked you through GPS. After duty, dumiretso na ako dito.” Bahagya akong nakarinig ng mahinang tawa mula sa kanya bago siya nagsalita muli. “You wanna eat something?”
My heart skipped a beat.
Mabilis kong kinuha ang gamit ko at nagpalit ng shirt bago ako halos tumakbo palabas ng studio. Pagdating ko sa campus gate, agad ko siyang nakita.
Nakasandal siya sa motor niya habang nakatitig sa phone, suot pa rin ang dark jacket niya mula sa trabaho. Nang mapansin niya ako, agad siyang napangiti.
At ewan ko ba-
Bigla na lang akong tumakbo papunta sa kanya at mahigpit siyang niyakap. Bahagya siyang natawa sa ginawa ko bago niya ako sinalubong ng yakap.
“Oh,” bulong niya malapit sa tenga ko, “basa ka ng pawis.”
May amusement sa boses niya, pero ang paraan ng paghawak niya sa akin ay sobrang ingat-parang baka mabasag ako anumang oras.
Kumuha siya ng towel mula sa bag niya at marahang inilagay iyon sa likod ko bago ako hinarap sa kanya.
“Bakit ka pa pumunta dito? Hindi ka ba pagod galing trabaho?” tanong ko habang nakatingala sa kanya.
“Hindi,” sagot niya agad. “Sanay na ako.” Then his eyes softened.
Marahan niyang hinawi ang basang hibla ng buhok ko na nakadikit sa noo ko bago niya iyon tinalian into a ponytail gamit ang hair tie na nasa pulsuhan niya.
The gesture was so simple. So domestic. So gentle.
At sa hindi malamang dahilan, parang biglang may kumurot sa puso ko. I felt like a child being taken care of again.
But at the same time… Parang gusto kong manatili sa ganitong pakiramdam habang-buhay.
Tahimik lang akong nakatingin sa kanya habang inaayos niya ang buhok ko, at nang matapos siya, bahagya niyang tinapik ang noo ko.
“Okay na,” sambit niya. I smiled unconsciously.
“Gusto mo ng goto?” tanong niya.
“Goto?” Hindi ako agad sumagot dahil hindi ko alam kung ano ba talaga ang goto. Bread ba iyon? Drink?
Napansin yata niya ang pagkalito sa mukha ko dahil natawa siya ng mahina bago marahang pinisil ang pisngi ko.
“Goto,” ulit niya, aliw na aliw. “Lugar? Porridge? Lugaw? Diyos ko, anak-mayaman ka talaga.”
“Hoy!” reklamo ko habang tinatanggal ang kamay niya sa pisngi ko, pero tumatawa na rin ako.
Ngumisi siya bago marahan akong hinila palapit sa kanya habang naglalakad kami palayo sa campus.
“Come on,” sabi niya. “Papakainin kita ng totoong comfort food.”
And somehow, habang magkahawak kami ng kamay sa tahimik na daan, habang ramdam ko ang init ng palad niya laban sa malamig kong kamay-
I realized something. Maybe it wasn’t the goto I was excited about. Maybe it was him.
The way he waited for me in the middle of the night. The way he remembered the smallest things. The way he took care of me without making it obvious.
And as I glanced at him under the dim streetlights, smiling while teasing me about being clueless over goto-
I felt it again. That soft, dangerous feeling in my chest. I feel like a teenager again.
Hopelessly, terrifyingly.
Falling in love.
“Ano, masarap ’no?” He leaned forward slightly, watching me closely as I took my first bite of what he proudly called goto.
Hindi naman ako maarte sa pagkain, hindi ko lang talaga ito nasusubukan noon.
The warmth of the soup instantly spread through me, comforting against the cold midnight wind. Napapikit pa ako saglit sa unang higop.
“Hmm,” I nodded with my mouth full, trying not to smile too much. “Masarap.”
His eyes immediately lit up, like a child being praised for something simple. “Sabi sa’yo eh,” he said with a grin, clearly proud of himself for bringing me there.
I laughed softly, and before I could even wipe my mouth, he reached over and brushed the corner of my lips with his thumb.
“Ang kalat mo kumain,” he teased.
“Arte mo,” I shot back, though my voice came out quieter than intended.
He only chuckled, shaking his head before taking another spoonful. But the small smile lingering on his lips remained, and for some reason, it made my chest feel strangely warm.
I looked around us. We were just sitting by the roadside with a cheap plastic table, monoblock chairs, and a rainbow umbrella shielding us from the cold night dew. Jeepneys occasionally passed by, their headlights briefly illuminating the empty street.
Simple lang. Pero ang gaan sa pakiramdam.
“Lagi ka dito?” tanong ko habang pinagmamasdan siyang humihigop ng sabaw.
He nodded. “Kapag gusto kong mapag-isa.” Then he glanced at me, the corner of his lips lifting slightly. “Or kapag gusto kong magsama ng importanteng tao.”
My spoon paused midair.
“Ah… ganon?” I tried to sound casual, but the sudden pounding in my chest betrayed me.
“Hmm.” He kept eating as if he hadn’t said anything dangerous, while I sat there trying to recover from the way my stomach flipped.
Hindi ko maiwasang mapangiti habang pinagmamasdan siya. I’ve never been this sure about someone before. If someone had told me months ago that I’d end up here-sitting beside Ronan at midnight, sharing goto on the sidewalk while he looked at me like I mattered, I probably would’ve laughed at them.
I mean, he was so cowardly when I first met him. Halos hindi nga makatingin ng diretso noon.
And now?
Now he casually wipes my lips, brings me to his favorite place, and says things that make my heart lose its rhythm. Life really does have its own way of surprising people.
“Tinitigan mo na naman ako. Crush mo ko noh.” His voice suddenly pulled me out of my thoughts.
I blinked. “Hindi ah.”
He laughed softly. “Sinungaling.”
Then he reached over and pushed my hair behind my ear so naturally it almost made me forget how to breathe.
My chest tightened in the best way possible.
But as quickly as the warmth settled in me, a small ache followed after it. I remembered the letter I received at the club. I already had an idea who might’ve sent it, I just wasn’t completely sure yet.
And suddenly, the thought of someone taking Ronan away from me filled me with fear.
“Anong iniisip mo?” malumanay niyang tanong habang dahan-dahang inaabot ang kamay ko.
Should I tell him about the letter?
Wag na, Tabitha. Dadagdag lang iyon sa mga iniisip niya. Working and studying at the same time was already exhausting enough, ayoko nang maging isa pang dahilan ng pagod niya.
I forced a small smile, trying to hide the worry lingering inside me, then softly shook my head. “Wala… masaya lang ako. Pero na-stress ako sa practice lately. Ayokong pumalpak ulit. I feel like I need to be perfect.” mahina kong saad.
Mas lalo lang lumambot ang tingin niya sa’kin. Hinaplos niya ang likod ng kamay ko gamit ang hinlalaki niya, grounding me in the gentlest way possible.
“Hey,” he whispered softly, waiting until I looked at him. “You don’t have to be perfect para maging magaling. You’re already doing so well.”
Napangiti ako nang kaunti, pero tahimik lang akong nakikinig.
“Alam mo kung bakit hanga ako sa’yo?” he continued. “Because even when you’re tired, even when you’re scared, you still show up. You still try. And that kind of passion? Hindi ’yon nawawala sa isang maling step lang.”
His words settled inside me slowly, like warmth spreading through cold hands.
“You’ll do great sa recital mo,” he said with quiet certainty. “Stop pressuring yourself to be flawless. Just let people see how much you love what you do. Burn bright, Tabitha. Kasi alam kong kaya mo.”
I didn’t realize how badly I needed to hear that until that moment.
I nodded, feeling the heaviness in my chest loosen little by little. “Thank you,” I whispered sincerely.
He smiled at me like he was proud of me already, before he squeezed my hand gently.
“I love you.”
The words were soft, simple, and certain. But somehow, they still made my heart float like it was weightless. Para akong dinala ng hangin diretso sa ulap.
Napatawa na lang ako, shy and overwhelmed all at once.
He laughed too, the kind of laugh that felt safe and familiar. And soon, we were both laughing together beneath the quiet night, holding onto each other like the world outside could wait.
For a moment, everything felt light. Comforting.
Real.
“Hello, my Ruby baby, may oras ka ba dumaan mamaya dito sa club? May pa-bonus si boss, syempre hindi kita makakalimutan. Ikaw ang star ng Pasko ko, hahaha!” masiglang sambit ni Mamang mula sa kabilang linya.
Hindi ko maiwasang mapangiti sa sinabi niya. Humigop muna ako ng tubig mula sa flask ko bago sumagot.
“I’ll be there at eleven, Mamang.”
“Ayun! Sige, kita tayo mamaya ah!” masaya niyang tugon bago tuluyang naputol ang tawag. I lowered my phone and brushed my sweaty hair back before glancing at the stage.
The stage was empty and silent. Pero ngayong Friday, mapupuno ito ng mga tao. The audience, the lights, the music-everything I had been working for.
And I can’t afford to fail.
Not now.
Not when I’m this close.
I know I can do it.
After countless hours of training, endless rehearsals, and sleepless nights, I know I’m ready. My mom did it during her time. And now, it’s my turn.
I took a deep breath and walked back to the center of the stage. Then I started another round of practice.
I danced.
And danced.
And danced.
Pushing through the exhaustion, ignoring the pain in my muscles, giving everything I had. “You never fail to amaze me.”
Napahinto ako nang marinig ang boses na iyon.
Hinahabol ko ang aking paghinga habang dahan-dahan kong ibinaba ang tingin sa babaeng nakatayo sa ibaba ng stage.
Her arms were crossed against her chest, her sharp eyes fixed on me.
Coach Victoria.
Napalunok ako. 9:45 PM.
She was supposed to be at home having dinner with her daughters. “Coach,” mahina kong sambit.
Hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman ko.
Nervous.
Scared.
Hopeful.
Siya ang may final say kung sapat na ba ang lahat ng pinaghirapan ko. Kung napatunayan ko na ba sa kanya na deserve ko ang spot na ito.
May ilang araw pa bago ang performance. And if she wasn’t satisfied with what she saw tonight, she could still give the position back to Kelly.
And I badly didn’t want that to happen. Not anymore. Tahimik lang siyang nakatingin sa akin.
A few seconds passed. Pero para sa akin, parang oras ang lumipas habang hinihintay ko ang sasabihin niya. Then, she smiled.
“You’re ready.”
Napasinghap ako.
Coach Victoria nodded. “You’re ready,” she repeated. Then her smile widened.
“My swan is ready.”
For a moment, I couldn’t move. Hindi ako makapaniwala sa narinig ko. All those days of doubting myself. All those times I wondered if I was good enough. All the sacrifices.
The pain.
The pressure.
The fear of failing. Suddenly, they all felt worth it.
Coach Victoria slowly turned her back on me, a proud smirk on her lips as she confidently walked out of the theater. And the moment she disappeared from my sight, my knees gave out.
Napaupo ako sa sahig. Tears started falling from my eyes. But they weren’t tears of sadness.
They were tears of victory. Tears of relief. Because the dream I had been chasing no longer felt impossible.
I wasn’t just pretending anymore.
I wasn’t trying to fill someone else’s shoes.
I wasn’t standing in my mother’s shadow.
I was creating my own legacy.
I was the Swan. And this time, I was ready to spread my wings and fly.
Just like her, I’ll shine on my own stage.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN : RUINED
“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.” - Ernest Hemingway
“Sorry na, Tabi, gustong-gusto kitang samahan pero shocks, babagsak ako sa major subject ko kapag hindi ako tumulong sa project namin. Ngayon lang ’to.” Puno ng konsensya ang mukha ni Konah habang nakaparada kami sa likod ng Midnight Club.
Ngumiti ako at tumango. Tinapik ko ang balikat niya. “Ano ka ba. Hinatid mo na nga ako, okay na ’yon. Isa pa, wala naman talaga itong araw na ’to sa schedule natin sa club kaya naiintindihan ko. Mas importante ang project mo. Kaya ko nang umuwi mag-isa mamaya. Kukunin ko lang talaga ’yung bonus.”
Tumango siya. Kahit papaano, nabawasan ang pag-aalala sa mukha niya.
“Oh, siya. Basta i-text mo ako pag nakauwi ka na, ha? Mag-ingat ka. Uuwi ako after ng project namin, promise.”
“Oo. Mag-ingat ka rin sa pagmamaneho. See you later.”
Tinanggal ko ang seatbelt bago bumaba ng sasakyan. Inayos ko ang hoodie at facemask ko, saka kumaway sa kanya habang naglalakad papunta sa staff entrance.
Binusinahan niya muna ako. Kumaway ulit ako bago tuluyang pumasok. Hinawi ko ang buhok ko matapos ibaba ang hood ng hoodie, saka dumiretso sa dressing room. Pero bago pa ako makarating sa hallway, hindi ko sinasadyang mabangga ang isang taong kasalubong ko.
“Ah… sorry,” sambit ko.
Medyo napaatras ako sa lakas ng pagkakabangga sa balikat niya. Nagulo rin ang buhok ko kaya muli ko itong inayos.
Nang malinaw ko nang makita ang mukha niya, bahagyang nabuka ang mga labi ko.
Biglang sumikip ang paligid.
Her gaze was dark, filled with anger. Her crimson lips looked as if they could draw blood any second.
It was the woman who kept claiming my man. Bakit siya nandito?
“It’s you,” malamig niyang sambit.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit may kaba akong nararamdaman. O baka sadyang nakaka-intimidate lang talaga ang presensya niya. Bakit naman ako matatakot sa kanya?
Bigla kong naalala ang papel na iniwan sa vanity table ko.
Siya ba ang may gawa noon? Base sa paraan ng pagtitig niya sa akin, alam kong siya nga.
I stood straight, sinalubong ang bawat matalim niyang tingin at nanatiling tahimik. Anong akala niya? Pagmamay-ari niya si Ronan?
No.
Never.
He’s mine.
Sinuri niya ako mula ulo hanggang paa, parang napakalinis niyang babae. I know exactly what she’s doing… how she’s cheating on her husband.
Using Ronan as a tool for her own needs. Disgusting. I will never let her touch him again. Unti-unting sumisikip ang dibdib ko sa galit nang magsalita siya.
“You’re not worth it for him. Hindi maibibigay ng perang kinikita mo sa pagsasayaw ang mga kailangan ni Cain. Akin siya.”
“Says who?” I uttered.
“Ang kapal ng mukha mong sumagot, eh isa ka lang namang stripper.” Kasabay noon ang isang malakas na sampal. Namanhid ang kaliwang pisngi ko. Pero mas nanaig ang galit kaysa sakit.
I kept my face straight. Then I smirked. Hindi niya makukuha ang reaksyong gusto niya. Hindi niya ako makikitang umiiyak. Hindi niya makikitang natatakot.
“Ay! Ruby!”
Biglang lumitaw si Mamang. Mukhang nakita niya ang pagsampal sa akin dahil agad niya akong nilapitan at hinarangan ang sarili sa pagitan namin.
“I will ruin you… and he will come back to me,” pagbabanta niya.
“Ano ba, Celestine! Layuan mo ang nakshie ko! Hindi mo hawak ang mga tao rito! Umalis ka na! Guards!” sigaw ni Mamang.
“I don’t need to be dragged out of here.” Ngumisi siya. “Hey, bitch. Remember this… I’ll ruin you.”
Pagkasabi noon ay umalis na siya. Nanatili akong tahimik habang hinihila ako ni Mamang papasok.
“Nako, namumula ang pisngi mo, Ruby. Hindi puwedeng masira ang mukha mo, asset natin ’yan. Nana, kumuha ka nga ng yelo.” Pinaupo niya ako sa harap ng mesa.
“Kukuha ka lang ng bonus, nasampal ka pa. Ano ba kasing issue sa’yo ng bruha na ’yon? May ginawa ka ba sa kanya?”
Hindi ako nagsalita. Umiling lang ako. Parang manhid pa rin ang buong katawan ko. “Oh siya, ito na ’yung bonus ni Bossing. Hayaan mo, isusumbong ko ’yang bruha na ’yan sa kapatid niya.” Tumango ako, kinuha ang sobre, saka tumayo.
“Mauna na ho ako, Mamang. Thank you po.” Nag-aalala niya akong tiningnan bago tumango. “Mag-ingat ka, ha. Kita tayo bukas.”
Tumango ako bago tuluyang lumabas. Paglabas ko ng club. Nakita ko siya.Nakasandal siya sa poste habang hinihintay ako.
Black hoodie. Gray baggy pants. White Air Force 1.
Simple. Comfortable. Parang walang anumang gulo sa mundo.
Nang magtagpo ang mga mata namin, ngumiti siya at agad akong nilapitan. Seeing him… Everything I had been holding in all week suddenly felt too heavy.
“I tracked you down. Lahat ng lead, dito ako dinala. Gusto mo bang kumain?” masigla niyang tanong.
Hay naku, Ronan… Kung alam mo lang ang nangyari sa loob. Napabuntong-hininga ako. Bigla na lang nanghina ang mga tuhod ko.
Wala na akong lakas magpanggap. Lumapit ako at niyakap siya nang sobrang higpit.
I buried my face against his chest, breathing in the familiar scent on his hoodie. Doon lang ako nakahinga nang maayos. Biglang nangilid ang mga luha ko. Hindi dahil sa sampal. Kundi dahil pagod na pagod na akong lumaban.
At sa bawat taong gustong agawin siya sa akin. Pakiramdam ko, unti-unti rin akong nauubos. “Anong problema?” tanong niya, halatang nag-aalala.
Nagpabigat ako hanggang sa kusa niya akong buhatin. I wrapped my legs around his waist and buried my face against his neck.
Tahimik lang akong nakatingala sa madilim na langit. “Ang dami ko namang kalaban sa’yo…” mahina kong bulong.
“Huh?”
Hindi niya narinig. Sinubukan niya akong harapin pero mas hinigpitan ko lang ang yakap ko.
“May nangyari ba sa loob?” Umiling ako. Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko.
“Wala.”
“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my gosh!!!” hindi mapakaling sambit ni Konah habang naghihintay kami sa harap ng condo building nila.
“Hoy, ikaw ba ang magpe-perform ng recital today?” natatawa kong tanong. Hindi ko mapigilang ngumiti.
Maganda ang umaga. Walang kahit anong pagbabadya ng ulan. Malamig ang simoy ng hangin na tamang-tama sa banayad na init ng araw.
The birds were singing beautifully. And for the first time after everything. I woke up feeling good.
“Gagi, kahit ilang beses na kitang napanood sa recital, iba pa rin talaga ’yung kaba kapag ito na talaga ’yung araw. Well, alam ko namang isi-slay mo ’yan, pero ewan ko ba… for the drama lang siguro. Kinakabahan pa rin ako.” Humalakhak siya.
Napatawa na rin ako. Baliw talaga ’to.
Natigil lang ang tawanan namin nang bumusina ang isang puting Toyota Alphard na huminto sa harap namin.
Napangiti ako. Dahan-dahang bumukas ang pinto.
“My princess!” Mama.
Suot niya ang champagne silk off-shoulder dress na lalong nagpalabas sa elegante niyang dating. Simple lang ang makeup niya, pero sapat para mas lalo siyang maging graceful sa paningin ko.
“Mama,” masaya kong sambit.
Sunod na bumukas ang pinto sa passenger seat. “Princess.” Si Daddy.
Napangiti ako na parang batang sabik makita ang mga magulang niya. Lumapit ako, hinalikan ang pisngi niya bago kami sabay na sumakay ni Konah.
“Are you ready?” tanong ni Mama habang marahang hinawakan ang kamay ko.
Sa simpleng hawak na iyon, ramdam ko ang seguridad. Ang tiwala, at ang pagmamalaking lagi nilang ipinaparamdam sa akin. Ngumiti ako.
“Yes, Ma.” Sana. Mas lalo ko pa silang maipagmalaki ngayon. Ready na ako. This is my day.
I’m the Swan. No one is going to ruin it. Hindi binitiwan ni Mama ang kamay ko habang tinatahak namin ang daan papunta sa auditorium. Maya-maya, nag-vibrate ang phone ko.
Ronan.
See you there, my Swan.
Hindi ko napigilang mapangiti.
My heart fluttered instantly.
This…
This moment.
This day.
He’s mine.
“We’re here,” Dad said as the car came to a stop in front of the auditorium entrance. Ako ang unang bumaba.
“See you later, Princess. Magla-lunch muna kami ni Konah. Babalik kami bago magsimula ang recital,” sabi ni Mama.
Tumango ako at kinuha ang duffle bag ko. “Kain ulit-ulit yarn,” biro ni Konah. Napatawa ako bago isinara ang pinto.
Three o’clock pa magsisimula ang recital, pero alas-dose pa lang kailangan na kaming nasa venue para sa preparation at rehearsals. Kaya mamaya na lang sila babalik.
Huminga ako nang malalim bago tuluyang pumasok sa building at dumiretso sa dressing room.
“Jimenez, prepare quickly, darling,” bungad agad ni Miss Victoria nang makita niya ako.
Agad kong ibinaba ang gamit ko at umupo sa harap ng vanity table. Nagsimula na agad ang glam team sa pag-aayos sa akin.
Habang minamake-up-an nila ako, tahimik lang akong kumakain ng kaunting pasta. Hindi mabigat. Sapat lang para hindi ako mahilo sa gutom.
Mamaya na ako kakain nang marami pagkatapos ng recital.
“Always remember,” paalala ni Coach Victoria bago lumabas ng dressing room. “You’re the Swan Princess today. You’ll dance alone in the lake, serving beauty and elegance.”
She smiled.
“You own this day.”
“Grabe naman ang skin mo, Jimenez. Naggo-glow. Nabembang ka, no?”
Napalingon ako sa makeup artist.
“W-What?”
Tumawa siya. “Joke lang. Iba lang talaga glow ng balat mo. O baka porcelain skin level one hundred ka lang talaga. Sana all. Ako, kailangan pang mabembang para magkaroon ng ganitong glow. Alam mo na… iba ang dilig ng isang la-”
Hindi ko na siya pinatapos. Nagkunwari akong umubo. Agad kong iniwas ang tingin. A strange guilt crept into my chest.
Ronan and I… We made love last night before I went home.
Halata ba talaga?
“Tubig!” aniya sabay abot ng bottled water.
Fuck.
Stop thinking about it, Tabi. You’re the Swan today. Nagpanggap na lang akong nakatulog habang inaayusan para hindi na humaba pa ang usapan. Tahimik lang akong nagpa-makeup hanggang hair styling.
Sa halip, paulit-ulit kong inisa-isa sa isip ko ang bawat step ng choreography.“Ayan, tapos na. Ang ganda mo. Para kang totoong swan.”
“Salamat.”
Tumungo na ako sa changing area para isuot ang costume. Nag-stretching muna ako bago tinulungan ng team isuot ang black swan dress. Napasinghap ako nang makita ang sarili ko sa salamin.
My skin looked almost porcelain against the black dress. It was beautiful.
I could hardly believe I was looking at myself.
“My Swan Princess.” Lumapit si Miss Victoria at marahang itinapat ako sa full-body mirror.
“You are the Swan Princess. This is your stage.” She fixed the feather on my shoulder. “You’re dancing alone in a lake… pouring your love out for your prince.”
Ngumiti siya. Napangiti rin ako habang nakatingin sa sarili ko. This is it.
“Okay, guys! One more marking before we set the stage on fire!” sigaw ng stage director.
Tinapik ako ni Coach Victoria sa balikat bago tumango. Dalawang final markings pa ang ginawa namin bago bumalik sa backstage. Napakabilis ng oras. Magsisimula na.
Bago ang lahat, kinuha ko ang phone ko at tinawagan siya.
“Hello,” mahina kong sambit.
“Nandito na ako,” masigla niyang sagot.
Sumilip ako sa pagitan ng makakapal na kurtina at hinanap siya sa audience. Nakita ko siya. Nasa gitna ng crowd. Nakatingin sa stage.
At nakangiti. Napakagat ako sa ibabang labi. That’s all I need.
“I love you,” pabulong kong sabi.
“I love you too.”
Napangiti ako bago pinatay ang tawag. Ibabalik ko na sana ang phone sa bag ko nang bigla itong dumulas sa kamay ko.
Tumama ito sa sahig. “Shit…” mahina kong bulong.
Agad ko itong pinulot. Basag ang screen. Napatitig ako roon. Kasabay noon, may kung anong biglang bumigat sa dibdib ko.
Parang may malamig na dumaloy sa buong katawan ko. Hindi ko maipaliwanag. Hindi naman masakit. Pero…
May mali. May kung anong hindi tama. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero para bang may parte ng sarili kong gustong tumakbo palabas ng building.
“Jimenez!” Napakurap ako nang marinig ang huling roll call. Mabilis kong isinilid ang phone sa bag at tumakbo papunta sa backstage. “Are we all ready?” tanong ni Coach Victoria.
“This is it. Don’t mess it up.”
“Set the stage on fire.” Tahimik na tumango ang buong cast.
Then…
The curtains slowly began to rise.
First, it was the Dance of the Cygnets, before it was my turn.
As Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake filled the auditorium, I took my first step.
I moved. I swayed.
I let my body speak through every graceful turn and every delicate landing. For a moment, I wasn’t standing on a stage anymore. I was dancing on a still lake.
My feet skimmed the invisible water like a swan, light, free, and beautiful. Every note carried me farther, and I surrendered my heart to the music.
Sa gitna ng ilaw, nasilayan ko si Mama. Nakatitig lang siya sa akin, puno ng paghanga ang mga mata. Then I found Dad.
His proud smile was enough to steady my heart. A warm feeling slowly bloomed inside my chest. As the piano’s deep notes echoed through the auditorium.
I danced even harder.
Then my eyes found my prince. Ronan. He was looking at me as if he was falling in love with me all over again.
My emotions became real. Being with him felt like a beautiful sin beneath the midnight sky, like we were the only two souls in a silent lake where no one could reach us.
I wanted him all to myself. The way we held onto each other. The way we loved each other. It was intense. Almost frightening. For a fleeting second, my body whispered that something was wrong.
Something felt… off.
But I couldn’t think about that now. I couldn’t afford to. I couldn’t ruin this performance. Nothing. Nothing was going to ruin my night as the Swan Princess.
Because today.
I’m the Swan Princess, not the Midnight Ballerina. It was my final sway. Then- A deafening applause filled the entire auditorium.
Magkakahawak-kamay kaming yumuko sa audience bago ako hinila ni Coach Victoria sa unahan at itinaas ang kamay ko.
Mas lumakas ang palakpakan. Mas lumakas ang hiyawan. Ngumiti ako at yumuko muli habang inaabot sa akin ang isang bouquet of flowers. Then-
The lights suddenly went out. Nagkaroon ng nakabibinging katahimikan. Napasinghap ang buong auditorium. Bago pa man ako makapag-isip, isang spotlight ang tumama diretso sa akin. Ako lang.
Naiwan akong mag-isa sa gitna ng entablado. Napalingon ako sa audience. Lahat sila ay litong nakatingin sa paligid. Nakita ko sina Mama at Dad sa front row. Pareho silang nagtatakang nakatingin sa stage.
Anong nangyayari? Then… A familiar beat echoed across the auditorium.
Aquamarine. Nanlamig ang buong katawan ko. Dahan-dahan akong lumingon sa malaking LED screen sa likod ko.
My heart stopped. It was… The Midnight Ballerina.
Ako.
Sumasayaw sa club. One clip after another flashed across the screen. Me dancing beneath the neon lights. Me wearing the black mask.
Me walking through the staff entrance. My entire secret… Unfolding in front of everyone.
“No…” Mahina akong napaatras.
“Stop that video!” Narinig ko ang sigaw ni Konah mula sa audience. Pero walang tumigil. Mas marami pang larawan ang lumabas.
Hanggang sa isang litrato ko ang sumakop sa buong screen. Sa ilalim nito, unti-unting lumitaw ang mga salitang-
The perfect ballet princess is a whore. A dirty stripper at midnight.
Parang may humigpit sa lalamunan ko. Hindi ako makahinga. Hindi ako makagalaw. Hindi ako makapagsalita. Parang isa-isang hinuhubaran ang bawat kasinungalingang itinago ko.
Sa harap ng lahat.
“Tabi!” Narinig kong tawagin ni Ronan ang pangalan ko. Unti-unti kong ibinaling ang tingin sa front row.
Hanggang sa nagtagpo ang mga mata namin ni Mama. Wala siyang sinasabi. Pero sapat na ang ekspresyon sa mukha niya.
Para maramdaman kong tuluyan nang gumuho ang mundong buong buhay kong binuo, the perfect daughter. Nanlabo ang paningin ko. Nanghina ang tuhod ko.
Lahat ng ingay sa paligid ay unti-unting naglaho. “Tabitha!”
Iyon na lang ang huling narinig ko. Then everything went black.
LOUEN
“Tabitha, please open the door.”
We were standing in front of Tabitha’s room. After everything that had happened, all of us were still in a state of shock. But I knew that, more than anyone, mas magulo ang nararamdaman ng anak ko sa mga oras na ito.
And I needed to be beside her. But as soon as she woke up, she locked herself inside her room. It had already been three hours, and we still couldn’t get inside.
She even had the spare keys inside with her. Nagkatinginan kami ni Leusam. I felt helpless. I was worrying to death. I needed to see my daughter before thinking about anything else.
I could hear her crying from inside, and it broke my heart. Alam kong magaling na siya mula sa sakit niya, but too much emotion like this could be bad for her condition.
I won’t lose her again. Not again. “Tabitha, please. Open the door.”
Nothing. “Konah, can you try? Maybe she’ll listen to you.” Tumango si Konah. Nagpalit kami ng pwesto, and she stepped closer to the door.
“Tabi, si Konah ito. Buksan mo ang pinto, please.” She waited. But Tabi seemed unable, or unwilling, to listen to any of us.
“Tabi, tell me what you want to do. Just… just open this door,” I begged, my voice trembling.
For a few seconds, there was nothing but silence. Then-
“R-Ronan.” Narinig namin siyang magsalita from inside. I froze.
Ronan? Who was Ronan? “Who?” I asked, almost immediately.
“Bring Ronan here, please.” Her voice sounded so weak, paos na from crying.
Ronan? Who was this guy? Leusam looked at Konah.
“Konah, who is this Ronan she’s asking for?” Konah looked just as confused at first. Then, suddenly, her expression changed as if she remembered someone.
“I know him, Tita. Wait, tawagan ko lang po.” Dali-dali niyang kinuha ang cellphone niya and made a call. A few seconds later, she ended the call and looked at us.
“Nasa labas daw ho si Ronan.” Leusam’s expression remained serious. “Tell the guards to let the man in.” Tumango si Konah before quickly heading downstairs.
My heart remained focused on my daughter behind that door.
What if something was hurting inside her body? Hindi puwedeng magtagal pa siya sa loob. I reached for Leusam’s hand, gripping it tightly as I wiped away the tears that had escaped my eyes. I was trying to stay strong. For her.
For my daughter.
“He’s here!” Konah’s voice made us turn. We saw a young man hurriedly climbing the stairs toward us. Worry and fear were clearly visible in his eyes. Who was this guy?
And why did his eyes scream the same fear I carried in my heart? What was he to my daughter?
“Ma’am. Sir.” He politely greeted us, bowing with full respect. Leusam remained serious, his eyes fixed on the boy, but the kid’s attention was already focused on the door where my daughter was hiding.
“Go,” I gently whispered. “Please. Try.” I guided him toward the door. He took a deep breath before stepping closer. He looked so cold and pale, as if he, too, was on the verge of crying. His hand trembled slightly as he knocked.
“Tabi,” he called softly. “Nandito na ako.” My breath caught. The door opened. Tabitha stood there, her face swollen and red from crying. And the moment she saw him, she broke down even harder. She threw herself into his arms and hugged him tightly. I had never heard her cry that loudly since the kidnapping.
That cry- It crushed me.
It was the same kind of cry I had heard when she was suffering from her sickle cell disease. The kind of cry that came from a pain too deep for words.
Parang bumalik ulit ako sa dati. My knees weakened, and I had to lean against Leusam as I watched my daughter cling to that boy as if he were the only thing keeping her together. Ronan carefully lifted her into his arms and carried her inside the room.
We followed them. He gently lowered Tabi onto the edge of her bed before kneeling in front of her. He wiped away her tears with such tenderness that I couldn’t help but stare. And then, for the first time since everything happened, I felt a sense of relief.
She was okay.
More importantly, she was comfortable with him.
“I’m ruined,” she whispered.
“Hindi. Hindi ’yan totoo.” He reassured her, continuously wiping away her tears. My daughter hugged him again, pulling him closer as if she desperately needed his comfort.
I watched them silently. There was something about the way she held onto him. Something familiar. Something that told me this wasn’t the first time he had been the person she ran to when she was hurting. “I think we need to give them some space,” Leusam gently whispered beside me. “She’s okay. You don’t have to worry anymore. Let’s go.”
I hesitated. Every part of me wanted to stay. But when I looked at my daughter again, I realized she was finally breathing more calmly. So I let Leusam slowly pull me out of the room.
Kasama si Konah, we left them alone. The door remained slightly open. We went downstairs to the living room and waited. Patiently. Restlessly. Me in my husband’s embrace. Seconds passed.
Then minutes. Until almost an hour had gone by. Finally, we heard footsteps coming down the stairs.
Ronan appeared. He walked toward us and immediately bowed respectfully.
“Sorry for not being able to introduce myself properly earlier, Ma’am, Sir.” He straightened himself, looking nervous but composed. “Ako po si Ronan Cain Fierro.”
He paused before continuing. “Your daughter and I… we’ve been dating for quite a while now.” I stared at him. Dating? My daughter had a boyfriend? And somehow, this boy had known exactly how to reach her when none of us could.
For the first time, I looked at Ronan not just as the stranger who had managed to get my daughter out of her room- but as the person my daughter had chosen to call when she was at her most vulnerable.
“I’m glad to meet you, even though this surprises us a lot, everything is kind of confusing right now but, I want to ask, is she ok?” tanong ko.
“She fall asleep crying, and gusto ko lang pong sabihin, ano man ang ginawa niya, I know she has a deep reason to do it, and at that club she didn’t became the stripper everyone thinking about, no one touch your daughter.” he said.
“Except you.” Leusam seriously said. “Follow me.” wala akong nasabi at pinanood silang tumuloy sa opisina nito. Naiwan kami ni Konah dito sa living room, bakas din sa mukha nito na tila ngayon lang siya nalinawan sa relasyon ni Tabi at ni Ronan.
Tabi, you must have a lot of secrets too. And I don’t like that you got this habit from me. Is this my karma?
But this time, I won’t let my daughter face all of this problem alone. I’m here.
Umakyat ako sa taas sa kanyang silid at pinagmasdan siyang matulog, marahan hinahawi ang buhok nito at pinunasan ang mga natuyong luha sa kanyang mga mata.
After a few minutes, she wakes up. As soon as our eyes met, the only word that came out of her mouth was, “I’m sorry, I disappoint you, ma.”
Agad akong umiling at hinawakan ang kamay niya, I kissed it and kept shaking my head. “You never disappoint me, Tabi, you’re my pride and joy, what you did, I know you have a reason to do it and I believe you, mama’s always gonna believe you. We’re cleaning your name, I will do everything to clear all of this and make sure this is not the end of your life. Nandito si mama, you have me.” Hindi ko pa rin napigilan at tuluyang lumuha.
She burst out crying and in my arms just like she was a little girl, she cried in my arms.
“I just feel like I need to take that stage, it was so familiar to me ma, sorry.” she whispered. I know exactly what she meant and I know it was a fault of mine. That stage was the reason she’s alive.
That stage is the reason why I met her dad. It was my fault.
“Sorry ma,” she repeated. “Shh, I understand and I love y–” naputol ang sasabihin ko ng bigla niya akong itulak. She stood up and ran towards the bathroom.
“Tabitha?” I utter and follow her. My lips parted when she started throwing up in the sink. I just know it in my system. “Tabitha? Are you pregnant?”
“What is happening here?” Leusam appeared together with Ronan standing behind him.
Tabitha glances at me and tears escape. “N-no.”
CHAPTER 19 : DREAM
“Sometimes the strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws.”
— Barbara Kingsolver
RONAN
Everything felt surreal. Hanggang ngayon, hindi ko pa rin alam kung ano ang dapat kong isipin.
Nag-aalala ako sa kondisyon ni Tabitha, pero kasabay no’n, hindi ko rin alam kung paano ko ipoproceso ang katotohanang buntis siya.
She’s carrying my child. Our child. Our flesh and blood. Handa na ba ako? Hindi ko alam.
Hindi ko alam kung kaya ko nang maging ama, kung magiging sapat ba ako para sa batang iyon. Natatakot ako sa lahat ng pwedeng mangyari, sa responsibilidad, sa hinaharap na hindi ko pa nakikita.
Pero isang bagay ang sigurado ako. I’m ready to choose her.
At ngayon, wala akong ibang hinihiling kundi ang makita siyang ligtas.
Gusto kong mahawakan ang kamay niya, sabihin sa kanyang nandito lang ako. Gusto kong malaman kung anong nararamdaman niya, kung gaano siya natatakot… para masabi kong hindi niya kailangang harapin lahat ng ito nang mag-isa.
The moment I saw her collapse, para ring tumigil ang mundo ko. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko. Ang alam ko lang, ayokong mawala siya.
Tahimik akong nakaupo sa labas ng pinto ng silid kung saan siya dinala. Kasama niya ngayon ang mga magulang niya, habang ako… naghihintay lang.
Waiting for the door to open. Waiting for her to wake up.
Waiting for another chance to tell her that whatever happens next, she’ll never have to carry this alone.
Nandito ako, Tabitha.
Lahat ng pag-iisip ko ay natigil nang bumukas ang pinto. Unang lumabas ang nanay niya, kasunod ang ama nitong seryosong nakikinig sa sinasabi ng doktor.
“This is all unexpected, but I’ll make sure her condition will never endanger her life and her child’s life. This may be hard to face, pero kailangan niya kayong dalawa sa prosesong ito. This is not an ordinary crisis. Tabitha has a critical health history. Sana hindi ito mamana ng bata.” Ramdam ang bigat sa boses ng doktor.
Pero wala ni isang salita ang tuluyang pumasok sa isip ko. Tumayo ako at agad na itinuon ang tingin sa bahagyang nakabukas na pinto. Umaasa akong kahit isang sulyap lang ay makita ko si Tabitha.
Kung pwede lang akong pumasok sa loob, matagal ko nang ginawa. Pero bilang respeto sa mga magulang niya, pinigilan ko ang sarili ko.
Kailangan kong maghintay.
“She’ll be alright… right?” nanginginig na tanong ni Ms. Jimenez. Mahigpit niyang pinagkakapit ang mga kamay niya, pilit pinipigilan ang pagpatak ng luha.
“Hinding-hindi ko siya pababayaan. Hindi natin siya pababayaan,” mahinahong sagot ng doktor bago siya niyakap.
Doon lang napunta sa akin ang tingin ni Mr. Jimenez. Kanina’y puno ng takot ang mga mata niya. Ngayon, puro galit na.
“S-Sir…” mahina kong sambit.
Pero hindi na siya nag-aksaya ng oras.
“Agh!” I groaned. Isang malakas na suntok ang dumapo sa pisngi ko.
Napaling ang mukha ko sa lakas ng tama. Agad kumirot ang gilid ng labi ko, at ilang patak ng dugo ang bumagsak sa puting tiles ng ospital.
“Leusam!” napasinghap sa gulat si Ms. Jimenez.
Mabilis siyang humarang habang pilit hinahawakan ng doktor ang asawa niya.
“You f*cking bastard!” sigaw ni Mr. Jimenez habang pilit kumakawala. “You put my daughter back in danger! You son of a bi—”
Hindi na niya natapos ang sasabihin dahil mahigpit siyang niyakap ng asawa niya. Hindi ako gumanti. Hindi ako umiwas.
Dahan-dahan akong yumuko sa kanilang dalawa, kahit ramdam ko pa rin ang hapdi ng suntok at ang lasa ng dugo sa bibig ko.
“Sorry po…” paos kong sambit. “Patawarin niyo po ako.” Huminga ako nang malalim bago muling nagsalita.
“Hindi ko po tatakasan ang obligasyong ito. Hindi ko po iiwan si Tabitha. Anuman ang mangyari, mananatili po akong nasa tabi niya.”
Bahagya akong tumingin sa pintong pinagdalhan sa kanya. “Hindi ko po sila pababayaan… si Tabitha at ang anak namin.”
“Please po… let me see her,” I begged.
“Go, son,” malumanay na sambit ni Ms. Jimenez. Hindi na ako nag-aksaya ng oras. Agad kong binuksan ang pinto at pumasok sa silid kung saan siya naroon.
Mapayapa siyang nakahiga sa hospital bed. May dextrose na nakakabit sa kamay niya, at kahit namumutla ang kanyang mukha, nananatili pa ring mamula-mula ang kanyang mga labi.
Nanghihina akong lumapit. Marahan kong hinawakan ang kamay niya, puno ng pag-iingat, na para bang kahit isang maling haplos ay maaari siyang masaktan.
Para siyang isang babasaging bagay. Isang bagay na napakahalaga. At sa pagkakataong ito, natatakot akong ako mismo ang makabasag sa kanya. Huminga ako nang malalim.
Marami na akong pinagdaanan sa buhay. Marami na akong nasaktan at nasaktan din. Pero ngayon ko lang naranasan ang ganitong klaseng takot. Yung takot na parang unti-unting kinakain ang buong pagkatao ko.
Nakakapanghina. Hindi ko na halos makilala ang sarili ko.
Nangilid ang luha ko sa mga matang pilit kong pinipigilan. Agad ko itong pinunas nang maramdaman kong bahagya siyang gumalaw.
Unti-unti niyang iminulat ang mga mata niya.
At sa unang pagkakataon na nagtama ang mga mata namin, mahina niyang binigkas ang pangalan ko.
“Ronan…” Paos ang boses niya, halos kapusin sa bawat salita.
“Nandito lang ako,” mahina kong sagot bago marahan siyang halikan sa noo.
Matagal niya akong pinagmasdan. Dahan-dahang kumunot ang noo niya. “Anong nangyari sa labi mo…?” halos pabulong niyang tanong. “At bakit may pasa ka sa pisngi?”
Hindi pa ako nakakasagot nang bumukas ang pinto.
Pumasok sina Mr. at Ms. Jimenez, kasama ang doktor. Napatingin si Tabitha sa akin, saka sa ama niya. Parang may agad siyang naunawaan. Mas humigpit ang hawak niya sa kamay ko.
“Dad!”
Napalakas ang sigaw niya. Nagulat kaming lahat, pati ang doktor. Tahimik lang si Mr. Jimenez. Napabuntong-hininga siya at umiwas ng tingin, parang batang nahuling may kasalanan.
“Why did you have to hurt him?” nanginginig na tanong ni Tabitha.
“I just had to,” matigas na sagot ng ama niya.
Agad kong hinarap si Tabitha at marahang hinimas ang balikat niya.
“Okay lang ako,” mahinahon kong sabi habang pinipilit ngumiti. “Wala ’to. Huwag mong sigawan ang dad mo.”
Tinitigan niya ako. Parang hinahanap niya kung nagsisinungaling ba ako. Ilang segundo ang lumipas bago muling nangilid ang mga luha niya.
Dahan-dahan niyang inilapit ang kamay niya sa mukha ko. Marahan niyang hinaplos ang pasa sa pisngi ko, saka ang sugat sa labi ko.
“Nasaktan ka ba?” mahina niyang tanong, nakanguso na parang batang malapit nang umiyak.
Ngumiti lang ako at umiling. “Hindi.” Gusto kong maniwala siya. Gusto kong maramdaman niyang ayos lang ako. Dahil kung tutuusin…
I deserved that punch.
“Tabi, anak, kamusta ang pakiramdam mo?” tanong ng ina nito sa kanya, maharan akong umatras upang bigyan ng daan si Ms. Jimenez, pero sa aking pagatras saka naman ang paglapit din ng ama ni Tabi.
Sinadya akong banggain ni Mr. Jimenez, na agad kong tinggap at nagbaw bago umiwas at pinadaan siya. “Dad! I saw that!!!” may pagtaas na boses ni Tabi pero sumensyas ako na ok lang at hinayaan silang palitan ang anak nila.
Nanatili akong nakatingin kay Tabi, habang kinakausap niya ang magulang niya.
I know her parents just love her so much that they are ready to protect her from any harm, kahit sa akin at tanggap ko iyon.
I just never felt it on my own.
Tahimik lang akong nakaupo sa gilid ng silid. Hindi ako naglakas-loob na lumapit. Pakiramdam ko wala akong karapatan. Mas pinili kong panoorin siya mula sa malayo.
She looked so small lying on that hospital bed. Ang babaeng kilala kong matapang, palaban, at laging nakataas ang noo… ngayon ay parang batang takot na takot mawala ang lahat.
Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mas masakit. Ang mga pasa sa mukha ko o ang makita siyang umiiyak. Nang yakapin siya ng mga magulang niya, kusang yumuko ang ulo ko.
She deserves that kind of love. And I almost took it away from her.
Tahimik akong nakinig habang isa-isa niyang inaamin ang mga pagkakamali niya. The Midnight Ballerina. The video. The pregnancy. Every apology that left her lips felt like another knife twisting inside my chest.
Akala ko magagalit sila. Akala ko isusumbat nila lahat. Pero mali ako. Mas lalo lang nila siyang niyakap.
Noong sabihin ng mama niya na wala silang pakialam sa reputasyon nila basta ligtas ang anak nila, napapikit ako. Hindi ko alam kung kailan ako huling nakakita ng ganoong klaseng pagmamahal.
Napatingin ako kay Tabitha. She kept blaming herself. Hindi niya nakikita na kahit wasak na wasak siya, ang iniisip pa rin niya ay ang nararamdaman ng ibang tao.
That was who she really was. Hindi ang Midnight Ballerina. Hindi ang babaeng nasa video. Kundi si Tabitha. The woman I fell in love with.
Nang sabihin ng mama niya na bibili sila ng pagkain, agad akong kinabahan. “No, we can just order food delivered here and call Lynus here,” mariing sabi ng dad niya.
Halatang ayaw niya akong maiwang mag-isa kasama ang anak niya. I couldn’t even blame him. If I were in his place, baka mas malala pa ang ginawa ko.
Tahimik lang akong umupo. Hindi ako nagsalita. Hindi ako gumalaw. Hanggang sa hinila siya ng mama niya palabas ng silid. Pagdaan ng dad niya sa harapan ko, mariin niya akong tiningnan.
“Don’t you dare do anything stupid.” Tumango lang ako.
“I won’t, sir.” Pagkasara ng pinto, bumalot ang katahimikan sa buong kwarto. “Halika dito.” Napatingin ako sa kanya. She was looking at me. Hindi bilang lalaking sinuntok ng dad niya.
Hindi bilang dahilan ng lahat ng nangyari. Kundi bilang… ako.
Agad akong tumayo at lumapit sa kama niya. “Kamusta ka?” tanong niya. Hindi ko napigilang mapangiti. “Ikaw dapat ang tinatanong ko niyan.”
“Okay na ako.” Hindi siya tumigil sa paghaplos sa pasa ko. Napapikit ako. Hindi dahil masakit. Kundi dahil bawat dampi ng mga daliri niya ay puno ng pag-aalala.
“I’m sorry…” halos pabulong niyang sabi. Agad akong umiling. “Hindi ikaw ang dapat humingi ng tawad.”
“But this happened because of me.”
“No.” Huminga ako nang malalim. “It happened because I hurt the people who love you.”
I saw her eyes fill with tears again. Not again please, hindi ko na kayang nakikita siyang umiiyak.
“I’m so tired, Ronan.” Sa apat na salitang iyon, narinig ko ang pagod na matagal na niyang kinikimkim. Hindi lang pagod sa katawan. Pagod na siyang lumaban. Pagod na siyang magtago.
Pagod na siyang maging matatag. Marahan kong hinawakan ang kamay niya. “Alam ko.”
“I didn’t want them to find out like this.” Tahimik lang akong nakinig.
“I didn’t want Mom to cry… I didn’t want Dad to look at me like… like I disappointed him.”
“You didn’t disappoint them.” Ngumiti ako nang bahagya. “Sila mismo ang nagsabi sa’yo. They understand you.”
“Then why does it hurt so much?” Because you love them. Dahil mahal mo sila kaya mas masakit. Pero hindi ko na iyon sinabi. Inilapit ko ang upuan sa tabi niya.
“Tabi.” Nagtaka siyang tumingin sa akin. “Tingnan mo ako.”
Dahan-dahan niyang itinaas ang tingin. “You’re alive.” Napakunot ang noo niya.
“And we’re having a baby.” Nakita kong awtomatiko niyang hinawakan ang tiyan niya. Doon ko rin tuluyang na-realize. May buhay. Our baby.
Hindi ko alam kung ano ang pakiramdam ng magiging tatay. Pero sa sandaling iyon, alam kong gusto kong protektahan silang dalawa. “I don’t know how to be a mom…” Kitang-kita ko ang takot sa mga mata niya. Hindi iyon ang Tabithang kilala ng lahat.
Isa lang iyong babaeng natatakot. At gusto kong alisin ang takot na iyon. “Neither do I.”
Napatawa ko siya. Finally, That little laugh. It was probably the most beautiful sound I had heard today. “Hindi ko rin alam kung paano maging tatay.”
“But we’ll learn.” Mahigpit kong hinawakan ang kamay niya. “Hindi ko hahayaang ikaw lang ang magdala ng lahat ng ito.” Tinitigan ko siya.
“Sa bawat check-up… sa bawat takot… sa bawat iyak… sa bawat gabing hindi ka makatulog…” Mas hinigpitan ko ang hawak ko. “Kasama mo ako.”
“Promise?” Hindi ako nag-atubili.
“Promise.”
“Hindi ka aalis?”
“Hinding-hindi.”
“Even if this gets harder?” Lalo akong naging sigurado.
“Especially when it gets harder.” Unti-unti siyang umiyak. Pero iba na ang mga luha niya ngayon. Hindi na puro takot. May pag-asa na. Marahan kong pinunasan ang pisngi niya gamit ang hinlalaki ko.
“Hindi ka na mag-isa, Tabi.”
“I’m scared.”
“Alam ko.”
“What if I’m not strong enough?” Napangiti ako. Kung alam lang niya kung paano ko siya nakikita. Sa lahat ng taong nakilala ko. Siya ang pinakamatapang.
“Sa lahat ng araw, oras, at minutong magkasama tayo, kilala na kita.” Marahan kong hinalikan ang likod ng kamay niya. “Ikaw ang pinakamatapang na taong nakilala ko.” She smiled through her tears.
“You’re the most dangerous woman I’ve ever known.” Napatawa siya nang mahina.
“Mas malakas ka kaysa sa iniisip mo.” Marahan kong inayos ang buhok niyang nakadikit sa pisngi. “At kapag dumating ang araw na mapagod ka…”
Ngumiti ako. “…ako naman ang magiging malakas para sa’yo.”
“Pwede ba kitang yakapin?” Natigilan ako. Napalingon muna ako sa pinto. Hindi dahil ayaw ko.
Kundi dahil gusto kong igalang ang pamilya niya. Natawa siya sa reaksyon ko. Lumapit ako at maingat siyang niyakap. Maingat. Sobrang ingat. Ayokong madagdagan ang sakit na nararamdaman niya.
Nararamdaman kong isiniksik niya ang mukha niya sa leeg ko. At doon ko naramdaman…
Unti-unti nang nawawala ang panginginig ng katawan niya. “Don’t leave…” Mahina niyang bulong. Mahigpit ko siyang niyakap. “Never.”
Marahan ko siyang hinalikan sa buhok. “Hindi ko kayo iiwan.” Hindi siya. Hindi ang anak namin. Hindi ang pamilyang unti-unti naming binubuo.
“At simula ngayon…” Pumikit ako.
“…kahit gaano kahirap ang dadaanan natin…” Mas hinigpitan ko ang yakap ko. “Haharapin natin nang magkasama.” At sa unang pagkakataon sa buong buhay ko… Hindi na ako natatakot sa magiging bukas. Basta siya ang kasama ko.
“Kid, gising.” Iminulat ko ang aking mga mata at doon ko narealize na I fell asleep waiting outside the hospital room door.
Panaginip lang ang lahat? Dahan-dahan akong napahilamos ng mukha at tumayo. Kaharap ko ngayon si Ms. Jimenez.
“Ma’am,” sambit ko. “Nakatulog ka—” Hindi na niya natapos ang sasabihin niya nang bigla akong makatanggap ng isang malakas na suntok mula kay Mr. Jimenez.
Nawalan ako ng balanse at bahagyang tumilapon bago bumagsak sa sahig. Shit. Ang sakit. Mas masakit pa kaysa sa panaginip ko. “Leusam! Stop! Oh my—”
Agad akong nilapitan ni Ms. Jimenez at tinulungan akong makatayo. Kinuha niya ang panyo sa bulsa niya at marahang pinunasan ang gilid ng labi kong dumudugo. Mr. Jimenez really does punch hard.
Matagal na akong nasusuntok ng iba’t ibang tao, pero ngayon lang ako nakaramdam ng ganito kasakit na suntok. “You son of a bit—”
Hindi na niya natapos ang sasabihin niya dahil agad siyang hinarangan ni Ms. Jimenez nang muli akong tangkain suntukin ni Mr. Jimenez. “Tama na! Ano ba! Paano kapag narinig ka ng anak mo? This is not you!”
She handled him like a piece of cake. Suddenly, I saw Tabitha in her. She really got her mother’s aura. And her personality.
“F*ck! This bastard got our daughter pregnant! I won’t let this pass!” Galit na galit na sigaw ni Sir. Wala akong nagawa kundi yumuko. Kasalanan ko ito. Tama siya.
Hindi sapat ang isang suntok para sa nagawa ko. Lumabas ako sa likod ni Ms. Jimenez at dahan-dahang lumuhod sa harap ni Mr. Jimenez. “Tatanggapin ko ho, Sir. Kasalanan ko ho ito. Sorry ho. Sige ho… bugbugin n’yo ako. Tatanggapin ko—”
Hindi ko na natapos ang sasabihin ko nang sipain niya ako nang buong lakas sa sikmura.
Halos mawalan ako ng hininga. Napaatras ako habang napapahawak sa tiyan ko, halos mabulunan sa sarili kong laway. “Leusam!” Sigaw ni Ms. Jimenez.
Kasabay no’n ang paglabas ng isang doktor na agad humarang kay Mr. Jimenez. “Dude, calm down. Bata ’yan,” aniya habang pilit siyang pinipigilan. “I’m not done with him! Let me go!”
Patuloy ang pagpupumiglas ni Mr. Jimenez. Handa na sana akong tanggapin ang susunod niyang suntok nang—
Isang napakalakas na tunog ng nababasag na salamin ang umalingawngaw mula sa loob ng silid.
Sabay-sabay kaming napalingon. Kasunod noon ang isang sigaw. Isang sigaw na puno ng sakit. “Ahhh!” Agad kaming tumakbo papasok. Pagbukas ng pinto, bumungad sa amin ang isang kwartong halos hindi na makilala.
Basag ang flower vase sa sahig. Nakatumba ang side table. Nagkalat ang mga gamot, tissue, at gamit ng ospital. Ang monitor sa gilid ng kama ay nakatagilid matapos niyang itulak.
Basag ang bintana ng silid, habang ang cellphone niya ay durog na durog sa sahig. At sa gitna ng lahat ng iyon…
Si Tabitha.Nakaluhod siya sa sahig. Magulo ang buhok. Namumula ang mga mata. Halos hindi na siya makahinga sa sobrang pag-iyak. “No… no… no!” paulit-ulit niyang sigaw habang nanginginig ang buong katawan niya.
Sinubukan siyang lapitan ng nurse. “Miss, please calm down—”
“Don’t touch me!” Napasigaw siya at agad na hinagis ang pinakamalapit na unan. Sunod niyang dinampot ang tray ng pagkain at ibinato iyon sa kabilang pader. Kumalat ang lahat ng laman nito sa sahig.
“Tabi, princess!” sigaw ni Ms. Jimenez. Pero tila wala siyang naririnig. Hindi niya kami nakikita. Nakatitig lang siya sa basag na cellphone sa sahig. Sa screen nito ay nakabukas pa rin ang video.
The recital. Her scandal. At libo-libong comments.
“Dirty stripper.”
“Kapal ng mukha, kunwari perfect heirs, malandi pala.”
“Disgrace.”
“Her parents should be ashamed.”
“Poor parents, their daughter ruined their reputation.”
Isa-isa niyang binasa ang bawat salita. Bawat komento. Bawat panghuhusga. Parang hinahayaan niyang durugin siya ng mga iyon. “No…” Napailing siya habang paulit-ulit na pinupunasan ang mga luhang hindi na tumitigil.
“Hindi ako ’yan…” Bigla niyang hinampas ang cellphone sa sahig nang paulit-ulit. Hanggang sa tuluyan na itong mabasag. “I hate this!” Napahawak siya sa ulo niya habang umiiyak.
“I hate this… I hate all of this!” Bigla niyang napahawak ang dalawang kamay sa tiyan niya. Napapikit siya nang mahigpit.
“I didn’t want this…” Halos mawalan ako ng hininga. “Tabi…” Mahina kong tawag. Pero hindi niya ako narinig. “I hate this…” Patuloy siyang umiiyak, parang dinudurog ang puso ko hang pinagmamasdan siyang ganito.
“I hate that everyone’s looking at me… I hate what they’re saying…” Mas humigpit ang pagkakahawak niya sa sarili niyang tiyan. “And I hate…”
Naputol ang boses niya sa sobrang hikbi. “I hate that I’m pregnant!” Tumigil ang buong silid. Walang nagsalita. Lahat kami ay napatitig lang sa kanya.
Hindi dahil galit siya sa batang dinadala niya. Kundi dahil sa sobrang bigat ng lahat ng nangyari, hindi na niya alam kung saan niya ilalabas ang sakit na nararamdaman niya.
At sa unang pagkakataon. Nakita ko kung paano tuluyang gumuho ang pinakamatatag na babaeng kilala ko.
Tabitha was the Midnight Ballerina, she once held everything in the palm of her hands.
“Mas mabuti pa lumabas muna kayo. I’ll handle her,” Lynus said.
Nakatulala akong hinila palabas ni Mr. Jimenez sa silid.
Huling sulyap ko sa kanya, nagtagpo ang mga mata namin, pero agad siyang umiwas at muling pumikit habang tuloy-tuloy ang pag-agos ng luha niya.
Pabalibag akong binitawan ni Mr. Jimenez sa labas bago agad nitong kinuha ang phone sa bulsa. May tinawagan siya at mariing nagsalita.
“Find who the f*ck did this to my daughter. Shut down every video or post related to this issue. I want them wiped clean—no traces. At kung may mag-upload pa ulit ng kahit anong video tungkol sa anak ko, sampahan mo ng kaso.”
Halatang nanginginig sa galit ang boses nito.
Nakatulala pa rin ako, hindi mawala sa isip ko ang mga salitang binitiwan ni Tabitha.
She hated that she’s pregnant.
It’s my fault.
“Shit…” mahina kong bulong habang napahilamos ako ng mukha.
Ilang oras kaming naghintay bago muling lumabas ang doctor, na nalaman kong tito pala ni Tabitha. Dinala niya kami sa opisina niya upang mas maayos kaming makapag-usap.
Tahimik kaming nakaupo habang binubuksan niya ang medical file ni Tabitha.
“Physically, she’s stable,” panimula niya. “Her vital signs are normal, and based on all her follow-up checkups, fully recovered na ang katawan niya. Her blood work is good, her previous condition has completely healed, and medically speaking, her body is capable of carrying a pregnancy.”
Napabuntong-hininga si Ms. Jimenez.
“So… she’s gonna be ok, even the baby inside her womb?” nanginginig niyang tanong.
“As of now, yes,” sagot ni Lynus. “Wala tayong nakikitang immediate threat sa pregnancy. Pero ang mas malaking concern natin ngayon isn’t her body, it’s her mental and emotional condition.”
Tahimik kaming nakinig.
“She experienced a severe emotional breakdown. Sa ngayon, hindi stable ang emotional regulation niya. Kapag ang isang tao ay nasa ganitong estado, naglalabas ang katawan ng mataas na level ng stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. Hindi nito direktang sinasaktan ang baby, pero kapag hindi naagapan, maaari nitong maapektuhan ang appetite niya, tulog, blood pressure, at overall prenatal care.”
Huminto siya sandali bago tumingin sa aming lahat.
“Right now, she’s showing signs of acute psychological distress. She’s overwhelmed with guilt, shame, fear, and disappointment. Hindi siya nag-iisip nang rational sa ngayon dahil mas nangingibabaw ang emotional trauma kaysa logical thinking.”
Napayuko ako.
“She keeps blaming herself,” dugtong niya. “Kapag hindi ito na-manage, puwede siyang magkaroon ng self-sabotaging behaviors. She may reject the pregnancy, reject the people around her, and even project all her pain onto the baby. Hindi dahil ayaw niya talaga sa anak niya… kundi dahil sa sobrang bigat ng nararamdaman niya ngayon.”
“How about the pregnancy?” nag-aalalang tanong ni Ms. Jimenez. “Kaya ba talaga ng katawan niya?”
“Kaya,” mariing sagot ni Lynus. “Her body can handle the pregnancy. Ang kailangan nating bantayan ay ang mental health niya. Kailangan niyang maging emotionally supported because chronic stress during pregnancy isn’t healthy for both the mother and the baby. She’ll need regular prenatal checkups, but I highly recommend psychiatric evaluation and psychological therapy as early as possible. The earlier we intervene, the better her recovery will be.”
Lumingon sa akin si Ms. Jimenez.
She looked… worried.
Sa akin?
Tama ba ang nakikita ko?
“Mananatili ho ako sa tabi niya,” wala sa sarili kong sambit. “Kasalanan ko po ito.” Tahimik silang lahat. “She might hate you too, kid,” seryosong sabi ni Lynus.
Natahimik ako. “Tatanggapin ko ho,” sagot ko. “Basta hayaan niyo lang po akong alagaan siya at manatili sa tabi niya. Gagawin ko po ang lahat, Ma’am… Sir.”
Diretso akong tumingin sa mga magulang niya. Puno ng sinseridad. Handa akong gawin ang lahat. Kahit sisihin niya ako sa lahat. Tatanggapin ko.
Basta gusto kong nasa tabi niya ako sa oras na pinakamahina siya.
“This is not gonna be easy, kid,” mahinang sambit ni Ms. Jimenez habang inabot ang kamay ko. Unti-unting pumatak ang mga luha niya.
“Tatanggapin ko po.”
Nagpatuloy pa ang pag-uusap namin tungkol sa magiging plano para sa kalagayan ni Tabitha, kung paano namin siya aalalayan, ang therapy, ang prenatal care, at kung paano namin haharapin ang mga susunod na araw.
Pagkatapos ng meeting, nagpaalam akong maunang pumunta sa silid kung saan siya nagpapahinga.
Naalala ko ang panaginip ko kanina. Complete opposite nito ang nangyayari ngayon. Hindi ko alam kung paano haharapin ang lahat ng ito. Pero gaya ng sinabi ko…
Handa akong tanggapin at harapin ang lahat. Makasama lang siya. I was about to enter her room when my phone suddenly vibrated.
Kinuha ko ito at binuksan.
I received a message from an unsaved number.
Unknown Number:
Come back to me, Cain. Please.
“Celestine…” mahina kong sambit.
CHAPTER TWENTY : BIRTH
“Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.”
-Maya Angelou
LOUEN
“I said, I don’t want to see you in front of me! Get out!”
Napapikit ako nang marinig ko ang malakas na sigaw ni Tabitha mula sa loob ng kanyang silid. Ilang segundo pa ang lumipas bago bumukas ang pinto. Lumabas si Ronan, tahimik, tangan pa rin ang mangkok ng prutas na halatang siya mismo ang naghanda para sa anak ko.
Hindi man lang niya nagawang maibigay. Sandali siyang natigilan sa harap ng pinto bago yumuko at tahimik na lumayo.
Napabuntong-hininga ako habang pinagmamasdan siya.
He looked exhausted. His once-sharp eyes were now buried beneath dark circles, his shoulders heavier than they used to be, as if he had been carrying the weight of the world alone. He looked like someone who hadn’t had a peaceful sleep for months.
And maybe he hadn’t. It’s been eight months since we learned that my daughter was pregnant.
Unti-unting nawala ang eskandalong minsang sumira sa pangalan ni Tabi. People moved on. The whispers faded. The judgment eventually found another victim.
But inside this house… Nothing had truly healed.
Tabitha remained trapped in the same anger she had been carrying since the day she found out she was pregnant. Every morning she woke up resenting the life growing inside her, and every day, Ronan became the easiest person to blame.
Poor kid. Kung hindi siya sinisigawan, tinataboy siya. Kung hindi siya tinataboy, sinasaktan siya ng mga salitang kahit sinong tao ay dudurog.
And yet…
He never fought back. Never raised his voice. Never left.
He simply accepted every insult, every rejection, every shattered plate, every untouched meal he had prepared with hope that maybe, just maybe, today she would let him stay.
He carried her anger as if he believed he deserved every piece of it. As a mother, masakit makita ang anak kong unti-unting nilalamon ng galit.
Pero mas masakit makita ang lalaking araw-araw na pinipiling mahalin siya kahit wala nang natitirang pagmamahal na naibabalik.
This wasn’t the Tabitha I raised.
Maybe the pregnancy hormones had amplified the pain she had buried long before all of this happened. Maybe fear had turned into anger because it was easier to hate than to admit she was terrified.
But there were days when it became too much.
Days when I wanted to tell Ronan to stop trying. To choose himself for once.
Yet every single time, he would quietly pick up the broken pieces, take a deep breath, and knock on her door again, carrying another meal, another bouquet of flowers, another reason for her to believe that she was never alone.
Even if she kept convincing him otherwise.
Naglakad siya palabas at nang makasalubong niya ako, pilit siyang ngumiti.
Before he could walk past me, tinapik ko ang balikat niya. “Hang in there,” mahina kong bulong.
“Opo.” Ngumiti siya at bahagyang tumango bago tuluyang bumaba ng hagdan. Napabuntong-hininga ako. Mabigat ang bawat hakbang ko habang papunta sa silid ni Tabitha.
Naabutan ko siyang nakatingin lang sa kisame. Namumula ang mga mata niya habang pilit pinipigilan ang pagluha. Kita ko pa rin ang galit na kinikimkim niya, galit na halos walong buwan na niyang pasan.
I gently knocked on the already open door. “Princess…” mahina kong tawag.
Mabilis niyang pinunasan ang mga luha niya at umayos ng upo. Malaki na ang tiyan niya, sapat lang para sa walong buwan ng pagbubuntis ng isang first-time mom.
“How are you, baby?” tanong ko habang umuupo sa gilid ng kama.
Marahan kong hinawakan ang kamay niya at pinunasan ang natitirang luha sa pisngi niya.
“I’m okay,” mahinang sagot niya. Alam kong hindi.
“You don’t have to lie to me.” Napakagat siya sa labi bago umiwas ng tingin. “Pagod na ’ko, Mama.”
“Sa pagbubuntis?” Dahan-dahan siyang umiling. “Sa lahat.” Natahimik kami.
“I hate this,” mahina niyang sambit habang nakatingin sa malaki niyang tiyan. “Every morning paggising ko… ito agad nakikita ko.”
“Tabi—”
“I know…” mabilis niya akong pinutol. “Alam kong mali ’to sabihin pero… I can’t help it.” Napabuntong-hininga siya. “I had everything planned.”
Napayuko siya habang mahigpit na hinahawakan ang kumot. “I was supposed to dance again. Bumalik sa stage. I was going to build my career. I wanted people to remember me because of ballet… not because of what happened, the midnight ballerina was a mistake but I can make it up to it, kung hindi lang ito nangyari!”
Unti-unting bumuhos ang mga luha niya. “Pero tingnan mo ’ko ngayon.” Tahimik lang akong nakinig. “I feel like my life stopped, Mama.” Nanginginig ang boses niya. “Parang lahat ng pinaghirapan ko, nawala lang nang isang iglap.”
“Princess…”
“I know this baby didn’t ask for this.” Napapailing siya habang umiiyak. “Pero sa tuwing nahihirapan ako, hindi ko maiwasang isipin na kung hindi ako nabuntis, baka nasa stage pa rin ako. I could have redeemed myself.”
Mahigpit kong hinawakan ang kamay niya. “Hindi ka masamang tao dahil nalilito ka,” mahinahon kong sabi. “Hindi rin kita pipilitin na maging masaya kung hindi mo pa kaya.”
She quietly cried. “But don’t convince yourself that your life is over.”
“Hindi ba?” mapait siyang napangiti. “Eight months na, Mama. Wala na akong ballet. Wala na akong school. Wala na akong normal na buhay.”
“Eight months doesn’t erase eighteen years of who you are.” Napatingin siya sa akin.
“You’re still Tabitha.”
“The girl who worked hard for every recital.”
“The girl who never gave up after every injury.”
“The girl who dreamed so big.” Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga. “At alam mo kung bakit naniniwala pa rin akong maaabot mo ulit ang mga pangarap mo?”
She slowly shook her head. “Because your story isn’t ending here.” Tinapik ko ang kamay niya.
“Baka iba lang ang ruta papunta roon.” Napaluha siyang muli. “I’m scared, Mama.”
“I know.”
“What if I never become the ballerina I wanted to be?” Ngumiti ako habang hinahaplos ang buhok niya. “Then we’ll help you become one again.”
“At kung mas matagal ang hintayan… hihintayin natin.” She leaned her forehead against my shoulder.
“Mama…”
“Hm?”
“I still can’t forgive myself.”
Mahigpit ko siyang niyakap. “Hindi kita mamadaliin.”
“But while you’re learning to forgive yourself… hayaan mong kami muna ang magmahal sa’yo.” Sa unang pagkakataon simula nang pumasok ako sa silid, hindi na siya nagsalita.
Tahimik lang siyang umiyak sa mga bisig ko, habang marahan kong hinahaplos ang likod niya, umaasang balang araw, mas magiging magaan din ang bigat na matagal na niyang dinadala.
RONAN
“Ronan… gising!” Parang kidlat ang boses ni Ms. Jimenez.
Mabilis akong napamulat mula sa maikling idlip sa sofa ng second floor living area. Mabigat pa ang talukap ng mga mata ko nang tumingin ako sa kanya.
“Ma’am?” paos kong sambit habang pilit inaaninag ang mukha niya. Namumutla siya.
“Manganganak na si Tabitha.” Sa isang iglap, naglaho ang lahat ng antok ko.
Parang may bumuhos na yelong tubig sa buong katawan ko. Hindi na ako nagtanong. Tumakbo ako papunta sa silid. “Tabi!” Pagbukas ko ng pinto, natigilan ako.
Nakatulala siya sa pagitan ng kanyang mga hita. Basang-basa ang puting bistida niya. Nanginginig ang mga kamay niya habang pilit inuunawa ang nangyayari.
“R-Ronan…” umiiyak niyang bulong. “Fuck! Call Lynus!” sigaw ni Mr. Jimenez.
Hindi na ako naghintay ng iba pang utos. Lumapit ako kay Tabitha at maingat siyang binuhat sa aking mga bisig. “I’m here… I’ve got you.”
Napakagaan niya. Masyadong magaan. At iyon ang lalong nagpalakas ng takot ko. “Let’s go to the hospital!” sigaw ni Ms. Jimenez.
Lahat kami ay kumilos.
Mabilis.
Tahimik.
Pero puno ng sindak. Bawat segundo ay parang may katumbas na buhay.
Mahigpit kong yakap si Tabitha habang tumatakbo kami palabas ng bahay. Ramdam ko ang panginginig ng katawan niya sa bawat contraction. “Ahh…”
Napaigik siya at napapikit sa sakit. “Konti na lang, baby. Hold on.”
Paulit-ulit kong sinasabi iyon, kahit ako mismo ay hindi sigurado kung sino ang pinapakalma ko, siya ba, o ang sarili ko.
Pagdating sa ospital, nakahanda na sina Doctor Lynus at ang obstetrician. Agad nilang isinakay si Tabitha sa delivery bed. “Stay here,” utos ni Lynus habang hinaharangan ang pinto. Natigilan kaming tatlo.
Tumingin siya sa akin. “You.” Tinuro niya ako. “Come inside.” Hindi na ako nagdalawang-isip. Pagpasok ko, dumiretso ako sa tabi ni Tabitha. Agad niyang hinanap ang kamay ko. Mahigpit.
Halos durugin niya ito. At hinayaan ko. Kung iyon lang ang paraan para maramdaman niyang hindi siya nag-iisa, hahayaan kong mabali pa ang kamay ko.
“Aaghhh!” Napasigaw siya.
Parang bawat sigaw niya ay may kutsilyong tumatama sa dibdib ko. Hindi ko magawang alisin ang tingin sa kanya. Pawis na pawis siya. Namumutla. Umiiyak. Nahihirapan huminga.
At wala akong magawa kundi hawakan siya. “I’m here… I’m here,” paulit-ulit kong bulong habang hinahaplos ang buhok niya. “Look at me, baby. Kaya mo ’to.”
“Push, Tabitha. Come on, push!” utos ng doctor.
“Aaahhh!” Napayuko siya habang umiiyak.
“Ang sakit…”
“Push!”
“Ahhh! Ayoko na!” Humigpit lalo ang kapit niya sa kamay ko.
“Ronan…” Halos hindi ko na marinig ang boses niya sa pagitan ng pag-iyak. “Please…” Parang nadurog ang puso ko.
“Kaya mo ’to, Tabi.” Halos nanginginig na rin ang boses ko. “Please… konti pa. I’m here.”
“Push!” Sunod-sunod ang sigaw ng medical team. Sunod-sunod din ang monitor. Lahat ay maingay. Lahat ay magulo. Pero ang naririnig ko lang…
…ang paghingal niya. Ang pag-iyak niya. At ang takot na baka ito na ang huli. “No…” umiiling siya habang umiiyak. “Hindi ko na kaya…”
Napapikit siya sa sobrang sakit. “Cut me open!” Buong lakas niya iyong isigaw. “Please! Cut me off! I can’t take it anymore!” Nagkatinginan kami ni Doctor Lynus. Mariin siyang umiling.
“No.”
“Tabitha, listen to me,” seryoso niyang sabi. “Your condition makes a C-section far more dangerous. We need you to continue pushing. I know it hurts, but this is still the safest option for you and your baby.”
Parang tumigil ang mundo ko. Safest option. Pero may panganib pa rin. Nanginig ang mga tuhod ko. Hindi. Hindi pwede.
Hindi ko siya pwedeng mawala. Lumapit ako hanggang halos magdikit ang noo namin. Mahigpit kong hinawakan ang mukha niya. “Baby…” basag na ang boses ko.
“Tingnan mo ako.” Dahan-dahan siyang tumingin. Namumugto ang mga mata niya. Punong-puno ng sakit. Punong-puno ng takot.
“Please…” Lumunok ako. “Hindi mo ako pwedeng iwan.” Tumulo ang unang luha ko. “Please fight.”
“I need you.” I begged. “Push one more time, I know you’re tired.” Napapikit siya habang tuluyang bumuhos ang mga luha niya.
Huminga siya nang malalim. At sa hudyat ng doctor sumigaw siyang muli. “AAGGHHHHH!”
Mariin akong napapikit. Huminto ang mundo ko at pagkatapos ng ilang segundo. Isang malakas na iyak ang pumuno sa buong delivery room.
Wala akong narinig kundi iyon. Unti-unti kong iminulat ang mga mata ko. Ang unang hinanap ng mga mata ko ay si Tabitha. Nakahandusay siya sa delivery bed, pawis na pawis, namumutla, at tuluyan nang nawalan ng malay dahil sa sobrang pagod.
Agad akong lumapit sa kanya. Dahan-dahan kong pinunasan ang pawis sa kanyang noo at inilayo ang ilang hibla ng buhok na dumikit sa kanyang mukha. “You did so well…” halos pabulong kong sabi habang hinahaplos ang pisngi niya. “Thank you.” Bahagya kong hinalikan ang kanyang noo.
“Magpahinga ka na.” Napansin kong hindi pa rin siya nagigising. Luminga ako sa nurse, hindi maitago ang pag-aalala. “Okay lang ba siya?” nanginginig kong tanong. “Bakit hindi siya nagigising?”
Ngumiti ang nurse nang bahagya. “She’s going to be okay. She’s just exhausted. Her body has reached its limit and needs to rest.” Parang may malaking batong naalis sa dibdib ko. Napahilamos ako sa mukha habang pilit pinapakalma ang sarili.
She’s safe. Salamat sa Diyos. Hindi ko namalayang nanginginig pa rin pala ang mga kamay ko.
“Congratulations.” Napalingon ako sa obstetrician. Maingat niyang inilapit sa akin ang maliit na sanggol na nakabalot sa puting kumot.
Nanigas ako. “A-Ako?” She smiled. “You can hold your baby.”
Parang natakot akong abutin siya. Pakiramdam ko, isang maling galaw lang ay masasaktan ko siya. Pero nang mailagay siya sa mga bisig ko.
Tumigil ang lahat. Napakaliit niya. Kasya siya sa dalawang kamay ko. Ang maliliit niyang daliri ay bahagyang gumalaw bago dahan-dahang kumapit sa hintuturo ko. Napasinghap ako.
“…Hey.” Napangiti ako habang hindi maalis ang tingin sa kanya. “Hi, little one.”
Hindi ko mapigilan ang pagtulo ng luha. Ikaw. Ikaw ang pinaglaban ng mama mo. Ikaw ang dahilan kung bakit hindi siya sumuko.
Dahan-dahan kong hinaplos ang maliit niyang kamay gamit ang hinlalaki ko. “I’m your dad.”
Mahina akong natawa habang umiiyak. “I know… hindi mo pa ako kilala, but I promise. I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure you always feel safe.” Tiningnan ko sandali si Tabitha.
Mahimbing siyang natutulog. Pagkatapos ay bumalik ang tingin ko sa munting buhay na nasa mga bisig ko. “Your mama is the strongest woman I’ve ever known. She fought so hard just to meet you, so… you have to grow up healthy, okay?” Napangiti ako nang bahagya.
“We’ve been waiting for you.” Muli kong hinalikan ang maliit niyang noo. “I love you already.” Hindi ko akalaing posible palang mahalin ang isang taong ilang segundo mo pa lang nakikita.
Pero narito ako. Handang ibigay ang buong buhay ko para sa batang nasa mga bisig ko. “He’s beautiful.” Mahina ang boses ni Doctor Lynus habang lumalapit.
Ngunit napansin kong unti-unting nagbago ang ekspresyon niya. Nawala ang ngiti sa kanyang mukha. “Ronan.” Napatingin ako sa kanya.
“May I?” Hindi ko agad naintindihan ang ibig niyang sabihin. “Can I take the baby for a moment?” Napansin ko ring seryoso na ang ibang nurses. Nagkatinginan sila habang nakatingin sa anak namin.
Napakunot-noo ako. “Bakit po?” Hindi agad sumagot si Doc.Lynus. Maingat niyang hinawakan ang balikat ko. “I just want to examine him.” Napatitig ako sa anak ko. Ngayon ko lang napansin. Napakaputla niya. Hindi tulad ng ibang bagong silang na sanggol na madalas mamula ang balat dahil sa pag-iyak.
Halos walang kulay ang labi. Parang kulang ang sigla sa kanyang munting katawan. Unti-unting bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko. “Doc…” Basag ang boses ko. “May problema ba?”
Hindi pa rin agad sumagot si Lynus. Maingat niyang kinuha ang sanggol mula sa mga bisig ko. “I need to check him first.” Nang mailayo siya sa akin, parang may kung anong kumirot sa dibdib ko.
Hindi ko namalayang kusang humakbang ang mga paa ko para sundan sila. Nakatingin lang ako habang inilapag nila ang anak namin sa radiant warmer. Agad siyang pinalibutan ng nurses.
May naglagay ng maliit na pulse oximeter sa paa niya.May nakinig sa tibok ng puso. May kumuha ng oxygen saturation.
Tahimik ang buong silid. Masyadong tahimik. At iyon ang mas nakakatakot. Mahigpit kong pinisil ang kama ni Tabitha.
Isang tingin sa kanya. Isang tingin sa anak namin. Please, not them. Not today. Please let them both be okay.
Almost one week has passed, pakiramdam ko, doon na yata ako nakatira sa hallway ng ospital.
Tahimik akong nakaupo sa mahabang bench sa labas ng ICU, nakayuko habang pilit pinipigilan ang sarili kong humikab. Mabigat ang talukap ng mga mata ko, nananakit ang likod ko, at ilang araw na rin akong halos hindi nakakatulog nang maayos.
Pero wala akong balak umalis. Hindi hangga’t hindi ko naiuuwi nang ligtas ang mag-ina ko. “Ronan.” Dahan-dahan akong napatingala nang marinig ang boses ni Ms. Jimenez. Nakatayo siya sa harapan ko, hawak ang isang paper bag.
“You should eat.” Pilitan akong ngumiti bago tinanggap ang iniabot niya. “Salamat po, Ma’am.” Pagbukas ko ng bag, isang salad at hiniwang prutas ang laman nito. “At least something healthy,” mahina niyang sabi.
Tumango lang ako. Sa totoo lang, ilang araw ko nang hindi nalalasahan ang kinakain ko. Kumakain lang ako dahil kailangan. “Kaya mo pa ba?” tanong niya habang nauupo sa tabi ko. “Halos isang linggo ka nang walang matinong pahinga.”
Napatingin ako sa glass window ng ICU. Sa likod noon. Naroon sina Tabitha at ang anak namin. “Okay lang po ako.”
“Basta sila ang maging okay.” Hindi ko alintana ang pananakit ng katawan ko. Hindi mahalaga ang antok. Hindi mahalaga ang pagod. Kung may kailangan mang mapuyat para mabantayan silang dalawa. Ako na iyon.
Tahimik kaming dalawa hanggang sa bumukas ang pinto ng ICU. Lumabas si Doctor Lynus habang inaalis ang face mask niya. Agad kaming tumayo. “Lynus,” tawag ni Ms. Jimenez.
Huminto siya at lumapit sa amin. Hindi ko na napigilang magtanong. “Doc…” Napalunok ako. “Kamusta po ang baby?” Pakiramdam ko, kasabay ng tanong kong iyon ay tumigil din ang pagtibok ng puso ko.
Huminga nang malalim si Lynus bago tumingin sa akin. “He’s stable.” Napapikit ako sandali.
Salamat. Pero hindi pa tapos magsalita si Lynus. “However…” Muling bumigat ang dibdib ko. “As of now, we still can’t confirm whether he inherited Tabitha’s sickle cell disease.” Parang may malamig na tubig na ibinuhos sa buong katawan ko.
Hindi ako makapagsalita. “We’ve already done the initial laboratory work,” pagpapatuloy niya. “Pero sa ganitong kaagang edad, hindi pa sapat ang mga resulta para makapagbigay kami ng definitive diagnosis. We need more time and additional confirmatory tests.”
Napahigpit ang pagkakahawak ko sa paper bag. “So… hindi pa po natin alam?” Marahan siyang tumango. “Hindi pa.” Sandali siyang tumingin sa glass window bago muling bumalik ang tingin sa akin.
“But… napansin namin ang ilang findings that concern us.”
“Lalo na ang unusual pallor niya at ang ilang blood markers na hindi namin inaasahan sa isang healthy newborn.” Mahigpit kong ipinikit ang mga mata ko.
“Those findings don’t automatically mean he has sickle cell disease,” mahinahon niyang dagdag. “But they tell us that we need to monitor him very closely.”
“Possible…” Mahina niyang binigkas ang salitang iyon. “…na namana niya ang kondisyon ng mama niya.” Parang may humigpit sa dibdib ko.
Hindi. Hindi ang anak namin. Please. Napalunok ako bago halos pabulong na nagtanong.
“Doc…”
“Gagaling ba siya?” Hindi agad sumagot si Lynus. Lumapit siya at marahang ipinatong ang kamay sa balikat ko.
“Listen to me carefully.”
“Tulad ng sinabi ko noon tungkol kay Tabitha. We’re not giving up.”
“Medicine has come a long way. Even if he inherited the disease, early detection and proper treatment can make a significant difference in his quality of life.” Tumango siya nang bahagya.
“We’re going to monitor him closely, we’ll perform the necessary confirmatory tests at the appropriate time, and if the diagnosis is confirmed. We’ll start the best treatment plan available as early as possible.” Hindi niya ipinangakong magiging madali. Hindi rin niya sinabing mawawala agad ang sakit. Pero nakita ko ang kumpiyansa sa mga mata niya.
“We’re going to fight this. Together.” Napayuko ako habang pilit pinipigilan ang sariling maluha.
Isang linggo pa lang siyang nabubuhay sa mundong ito. At heto na agad siya. Lumalaban. Katulad ng mama niya. Tahimik kong pinunasan ang mga mata ko bago tumingin sa salamin ng ICU.
Sa loob, payapa ang tulog ng anak namin. Napakaliit. Napakahina. Pero lumalaban. Mahina akong ngumiti. “Mana ka nga sa mama mo. pareho kayong matapang.” At kung kailangan nilang lumaban araw-araw. Hindi sila lalaban nang mag-isa.
Dahil habang humihinga ako. Hindi ko sila iiwan.
Days passed by. It was hard, exhausting, and overwhelming, but somehow, it was also beautiful.
Beautiful because our baby was finally doing well. He had been discharged from the ICU, and today, for the first time, Tabitha could finally hold him in her arms.
“See? You can carry him already. You need to breastfeed him,” the nurse said with a gentle smile.
Mrs. Jimenez carefully placed our baby into Tabitha’s arms. I couldn’t help but smile from ear to ear as I watched them together in the same room. Our family. Or at least… that’s what I wanted to believe.
“No. I don’t want that thing anywhere near me.” The smile instantly disappeared from my lips. Her words sliced through my chest like a knife.
“Tabitha, don’t say that,” Mrs. Jimenez gently scolded. “The baby needs you.” Mr. Jimenez silently nodded in agreement.
I could see the reluctance written all over Tabitha’s face, but she didn’t argue. With trembling hands, she put on the nursing cover before reluctantly taking the baby back into her arms.
I watched every expression that crossed her face. The moment our son latched onto her, she immediately winced in pain. “Agh… Ma… ang sakit!”
She tried to endure it, biting her lip as tears welled in her eyes. But after only a few seconds, she gave up. She pulled the baby away and hurriedly handed him back to her mother.
“It hurts so bad… ayaw ko na.” The baby cried loudly, his tiny sobs filling the room. I stood frozen. I wanted to comfort him. I wanted to comfort her. But I couldn’t do either.
I was terrified that even my presence would only upset Tabitha more. She was already in so much pain, and there was nothing I could do to ease it.
“Masakit dahil wala namang nakukuha ang baby from you,” Mrs. Jimenez said softly while checking the baby’s mouth. She exchanged a glance with her husband before giving him a small nod.
“Go.” Mr. Jimenez sighed before walking toward the door. He glanced at me. “Let’s go.”
“Okay po,” I answered quietly. I was about to stand when Mrs. Jimenez suddenly spoke. “Leave him here. We need him.”
“What?!” Mr. Jimenez exclaimed, unable to hide his irritation. “Just go… please,” Mrs. Jimenez said in a calm but firm voice. Silence filled the room.
After a long moment, Mr. Jimenez reluctantly opened the door. He shot me one last warning look before walking out. The door slowly closed behind him.
The moment we were left alone, Mrs. Jimenez turned her eyes toward me.
“Help your son,” Mrs. Jimenez said softly. I immediately nodded and walked toward them.
“Nahihirapan siyang makalatch kay Tabitha,” she explained in a calm voice. “It’s hard for him because he’s still a little weak, and masakit din iyon para kay Tabitha. Pareho silang nahihirapan. Kailangan mong tulungan silang dalawa.”
“Paano po?” I asked. She stood up and looked at me reassuringly. “You need to help stimulate the milk flow first.”
For a brief moment, I didn’t know how to react. Heat crept up my neck, but I forced myself to stay composed. This wasn’t about embarrassment anymore. It was about them.
“I’ll stay inside the restroom with the baby for a moment,” she continued. “Once she’s ready, knock on the door, okay?”
“Okay po.” She gave me a small, encouraging smile before carrying the baby into the restroom. A second later, I heard the door quietly lock.
Silence settled inside the room. It was just the two of us. Neither of us dared to meet the other’s eyes. “Go, do it already,” Tabitha muttered, avoiding my gaze. I took a deep breath before carefully following Mrs. Jimenez’s instructions.
The moment I tried to help, Tabitha’s fingers immediately gripped my hair. “Agh…” I froze for a second. “Shit.” she hissed through gritted teeth, her body tensing from the discomfort.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. She didn’t answer. I continued as gently and carefully as I could, stopping only when it was clear that the milk had finally begun to flow.
Slowly, I pulled away and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. My cheeks burned with embarrassment. It wasn’t as if this was the first time I’d been this close to her, but everything felt different now.
There was no desire. No lingering tension. Only the desperate hope of helping both the woman I loved and our son. I walked toward the restroom and knocked softly on the door.
“It worked, Ma’am.” The door opened a few seconds later. Mrs. Jimenez looked at me before silently mouthing, “Thank you.” I simply nodded.
She carefully placed our son back into Tabitha’s arms. This time, he latched on much easier. The room fell into silence as our little boy finally received the nourishment he had been searching for since the day he was born.
His first milk, and despite everything we had gone through, I couldn’t stop myself from smiling.
The next few days became a routine neither of us was prepared for. Every two to three hours, the baby would wake up crying.
I was the one changing diapers, carrying him around the room, sterilizing bottles whenever the nurses asked me to, and making sure Tabitha took her medicines on time. I barely slept, but I didn’t care. As long as she recovered.
As long as our son stayed healthy. That was enough. One afternoon, the room had been unusually quiet.
Tabitha had finally fallen asleep after taking her pain medication. I was sitting on the couch beside the window with our son in my arms, gently rocking him until his tiny eyes slowly closed.
“Good job, little man,” I whispered with a smile. But only a few minutes later…
“Waaah!” His loud cry echoed throughout the room. I immediately stood up.
“Shh… shh… okay lang, anak.” I gently bounced him in my arms, checked his diaper, adjusted his blanket, even offered him the bottle the nurse had prepared.
Nothing worked. His cries only grew louder. Behind me, I heard the hospital bed creak.
“Ronan…” I turned around. Tabitha was awake. Her pale face immediately twisted into irritation. “Make him stop.”
“Sinusubukan ko.”
“WELL, TRY HARDER!” Natigilan ako sa pagtaas ng boses nito. I hurriedly carried the baby closer to the window, hoping the change of scenery would calm him down.
Instead, mas umiyak pa ito lalo. “Please…” I whispered to him. “Please, anak…”
“Shut him up!” Tabitha pressed both palms against her ears.
“Wala na akong marinig!” Her breathing became uneven. Pinanood ko siyang kunin ang unan sa tabi niya at binato ito sa gilid ko.
“Tabi…” sambit ko, sa gulat.
“STOP IT!” Another loud cry escaped from the baby, dahil sa lakas ng boses ni Tabitha.
Something inside her snapped. “I SAID STOP!” She suddenly stood from the hospital bed despite her body still being weak. “Tabitha!” I rushed toward her.
She ignored me, with trembling hands, she reached for our son. “Give him to me!”
“Tabi, wait—”
“IBIGAY MO SA AKIN!” Thinking she only wanted to comfort him, I carefully handed the baby over. Pero sobrang bilis na ng tibok ng puso ko, natatakot akong malagay sa piligro ang kondisyon ni Tabitha at ng baby.
The moment she held him, she stared at his tiny face with trembling eyes. Then tears streamed down her cheeks. “I hate this…” Her voice cracked. “I hate hearing you cry…”
The baby cried even harder. “Stop…” Her grip tightened. “Please stop…” “Tabi…” Kinakabahan kong sambit.
“STOP!”
In one frustrated movement, she raised the baby away from her body. My heart stopped. “Tabitha!” kapos hininga kong sambit. I lunged forward just as she instinctively loosened her hold. I caught our son against my chest before anything terrible could happen.
He cried even louder. Tabitha froze. She looked at her empty arms. Then at me. Then at the baby. Realization washed over her face.
“Hindi…” She took a shaky step backward. “Hindi…”
Her breathing became rapid.
“I almost…” She looked down at her trembling hands. “I almost hurt him…”
“Tabi, tingnan mo ako.” I begged. “Don’t…” She shook her head violently. “Don’t come near me!”
“You didn’t—”
“I ALMOST DID!” Her scream echoed through the room. “It’s because of him!” she cried hysterically while pointing at the baby. “Kung hindi siya umiiyak—” She shifted her finger toward me.
“And it’s your fault!” I stood there, speechless. “You did this to me!” Every word felt like another stab to my chest. Hindi ako makahinga ng maayos.
“I never wanted this!” She collapsed onto the edge of the bed, sobbing uncontrollably. “I hate this life. I hate this body. I hate everything.” The monitor beside her suddenly began beeping faster. Her breathing turned shallow.
“Tabi…” She clutched her chest. “I… I can’t breathe…” Fear instantly consumed me.
“Nurse!” I pressed the emergency call button with trembling hands. Within seconds, nurses rushed inside the room. “Sir, please step back.”
One of them supported Tabitha while another checked her vital signs. “She’s hyperventilating, her blood pressure is rising.”
“Call Dr. Lynus.” I stood frozen near the wall, our son still crying in my arms. Wala akong magawa. Only one thought echoed inside my head.
I almost lost both of them. When the nurses finally managed to calm Tabitha down, I quietly handed our son to Mrs. Jimenez, who had just arrived. She looked at my tear-filled eyes but said nothing.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I’ll… I’ll just get some air.” halos hindi na lumalabas ang boses ko.
“Babalik po ako.” Without waiting for anyone to answer, I walked out of the room. The moment the door closed behind me, my knees gave out. I leaned against the cold hospital wall, covering my face with both hands as silent tears finally escaped.
For the first time. I was terrified that my love alone might not be enough to save the family I wanted so badly to protect just like my love for my own mother.
Baka hindi ko kaya isaba ito.
Lumabas ako ng hospital room, nanginginig pa rin ang mga kamay ko.
Huminto ako sa dulo ng hallway at napasandal sa malamig na pader, pilit na pinapakalma ang mabilis kong paghinga.
Breathe… You have to be okay. Hindi ngayon. Hindi habang kailangan ako ni Tabitha. Hindi habang kailangan ako ng anak namin.
Ipinikit ko ang aking mga mata at huminga nang malalim.
Muling nag-vibrate ang cellphone ko. Napabuntong-hininga ako bago ito inilabas sa bulsa.
From: Unknown Number
Please come back to me… I’m dying here.
Cain. Please.
Mariin kong ipinikit ang aking mga mata.
Celestine.
Paulit-ulit siyang tumatawag at nagte-text nitong mga nakaraang araw. Pero wala na akong lakas para harapin pa siya. Napakarami nang nangyayari sa buhay ko.
Tabitha was fighting for her life. Our son had barely survived. At halos masira ang pamilya naming pilit kong binubuo. Hindi ko na kayang magdagdag pa ng panibagong gulo. Pinatay ko ang screen ng cellphone at ibabalik ko na sana ito sa bulsa nang biglang—
May tela na mariing tumakip sa aking bibig at ilong.
“Hmmph!” Nanlaki ang aking mga mata. Isang matapang na amoy ang dumiretso sa aking ilong.
Within seconds, umiikot na ang paningin ko. Sinubukan kong tanggalin ang telang nakatakip sa mukha ko, pero may malakas na bisig na humawak sa akin mula sa likuran. “Hmmm…!”
“Shut up.” A familiar voice whispered near my ear.
“I already told you…” Mas lalo akong nagpumiglas. “…to leave my wife.” Nanlamig ang buong katawan ko. Hindi. Hindi maaari. “You didn’t listen, you son of a bitch.” Nanlalabo na ang paningin ko.
Pakiramdam ko unti-unting nawawalan ng lakas ang mga braso ko. “I’ll kill you this time.” Sinubukan kong suntukin ang lalaking nasa likuran ko, pero hindi na tumama ang kamao ko. Everything felt heavy.
My knees gave out. Hindi. Hindi ako pwedeng mawala. Tabitha, our son, they need me. The last thing I heard was a mocking laugh before everything faded into complete darkness.
CHAPTER TWENTY ONE : OUR BABY
“To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power.”
— Maya Angelou
LOUEN
Poor Ronan quietly handed the little angel to me. I had already heard what happened inside before we arrived; Lynus had informed us.
And, I couldn’t help but wonder what painful words Ronan had received from Tabitha this time.
I looked into his eyes. They were glassy with unshed tears, and it was obvious he was doing everything he could to keep them from falling. He looked so exhausted, tired, drained, and weak. There was a quiet heaviness in his expression that broke my heart.
I noticed the way he swallowed hard before finally speaking.
“I’ll… I’ll just get some air,” he whispered, his voice barely audible.
“Babalik po ako.” He said it politely, but there was so much sadness in those few words. Halatang ayaw niyang umalis sa silid na ito or even leave my daughter’s side, but perhaps he needed to step outside, breathe some fresh air, and give himself a moment to rest.
Kawawang bata.
I felt sorry for him, but as a mother, there was little I could do. I understood my daughter’s pain. I knew her hormones were all over the place, and I knew she was struggling too. I couldn’t simply blame her for the things she said when I knew she was hurting in ways she couldn’t fully control.
Naiintindihan ko siya, dahil ako mismo naranasan ko ang lahat ng ito.
But looking at Ronan, I couldn’t help but admire him. Despite everything, he stayed.
Despite sa masasakit na salita, the frustration, and the pain he was receiving from my daughter, he continued to love her. He remained patient when it would have been easier to walk away.
And perhaps that was what touched me the most as a mother. He wasn’t perfect. He was hurting too. Kitang-kita ko ito sa mga mata niya.
Yet even while he was breaking, he still made sure my daughter was okay before thinking about himself. As I watched him quietly walk away, I found myself thinking how deeply he must love my daughter to endure all of this.
And as a mother, I could only hope that someday, when the pain had finally passed and the emotions had settled, Tabitha would see it too.
LEUSAM
“I’ve already confirmed his identity, sir. However, beyond that, this is the only information we’ve been able to gather regarding Fierro.
He is the son of Dominic Cain Fierro. As for his mother, there’s no available information regarding his wife, sir. Given their wealth and influence, it’s highly likely that they’ve gone to considerable lengths to keep their family background private.
Even our best IT specialists haven’t been able to access or uncover any further records. We also haven’t been able to determine the exact reason why Ferror left his family home.
“For now, sir, that’s everything we’ve been able to verify.”
I leaned back in the wall, the cigar resting between my fingers as I listened to the last of their report.
Unbelievable.
What the fuck was that kid getting himself into? He came from money. Real money. The kind that could buy him a comfortable life without ever having to lift a finger. And yet, for some reason, he chose to work at this club.
Why? What was his story? And why the hell was no one able to reach him?
“What are you hiding, kid?” I took another slow drag from my cigar, my mind running through every piece of information we had managed to gather these past few days.
Nothing added up. The more I tried to uncover about Fierro, the more difficult he became to understand. A runaway heir? A spoiled son trying to escape his family?
Or was there something much darker happening behind the walls of that beautiful, wealthy home? I hated unanswered questions.
Especially when the person behind them seemed determined to remain a mystery. I was still lost in thought when a sudden commotion caught my attention from somewhere nearby.
I lowered the cigar from my lips.
“Shut up.” The voice was muffled, barely audible from the other side of the area.
My brows furrowed.
I stood, straightening the sleeves of my perfectly tailored suit before walking toward the noise. Even in the middle of the chaos, I remained composed, something I had mastered long before I inherited the family business.
As I rounded the corner, I stopped. There he was. Fierro. Surrounded by several men, his mouth was covered with a white cloth.
My expression immediately hardened. “What the fuck is this?” Then I heard someone talk.
“I already told you to leave my wife.” who the f*ck is this guys?
“You didn’t listen, you son of a bitch. I’ll kill you this time.” Suddenly, the kid lost it.
Before I could even react, they dragged him out and threw his unconscious body into a black Grandia van like he was nothing more than a corpse.
I stood there, staring at the vehicle as it disappeared from my sight.
I was never the type to involve myself in the dirty business of politicians and wealthy families. As long as my name stayed out of their mess, I didn’t give a damn what they did behind closed doors.
But fuck.
This was different.
That kid wasn’t just some runaway heir. He was the father of my grandchild. I immediately pulled out my phone and dialed my assistant.
“Sir?”
“Grandia Elite, LMR 0208.” My voice was cold. “Track and trace it. I want to know where that vehicle goes and exactly where they take Fierro.”
I tightened my grip around the phone. “He’s been kidnapped.” There was a brief silence on the other end.
“Understood, sir.” I ended the call and stared in the direction where the van had disappeared. For the first time, I didn’t care whose political, wealthy career I was about to ruin.
They had taken one of my own. And whoever was behind this was about to learn exactly how expensive that mistake was.
TABITHA
I stared blankly at my phone, reading Konah’s calls, messages, and the endless voice notes she had been sending me.
I couldn’t bring myself to reply.I didn’t know what to say. For almost ten months, I had been lost, so lost that sometimes I wondered if the girl I used to be had disappeared somewhere along the way.
And now? I was nothing but a failed ballerina with a life I no longer recognized.
“He’s fallen asleep already.” I slowly lifted my head when I heard Mama’s voice. I looked at her with a blank expression, cold as ice, before my eyes drifted toward the baby in her arms.
She was smiling. The kind of smile I hadn’t seen on my own face in months. She stared at him as if he were the most precious thing in the world.
But all I could see was a mistake. A reminder of everything that went wrong. A life that had changed mine before I was ready for it. “Buti naman,” I muttered without emotion before looking back at my phone.
I continued scrolling through Konah’s messages, pretending I was reading them. I wasn’t. I couldn’t focus on a single word. I heard Mama place the baby back inside his crib before slowly walking toward my bed. I pretended not to notice her.
“Tabi, anak.” Her hand gently covered mine, and before I could react, she carefully took my phone from my grasp and placed it on the bedside table.
Then she looked directly into my eyes. “Wala ka pa rin bang naiisip or gustong ibigay na pangalan sa anak mo?” I had heard the question several times already. I glanced at the crib. Nothing.
No name came to mind. I slowly shook my head. My mind felt completely empty. Mama nodded, but somehow, she still managed to smile.
“Naiintindihan ko na mahirap ang lahat ng ito para sa’yo. Even the postpartum is way out of hand, and I know you’re struggling more than you’re willing to admit.”
I looked away. I didn’t want sympathy. I didn’t want someone telling me that everything would eventually be okay.
Because right now, I didn’t believe it. “But let me remind you of something, Tabitha.” Her voice softened. “Hindi nagtatapos dito ang storya mo.”
I remained silent. “This is a new beginning. Hindi ko sasabihin sa’yo na patawarin mo na agad ang sarili mo, dahil alam kong hindi ganun kadali. Hindi ko rin sasabihin na kailangan mong maging okay agad.”
My eyes slowly returned to hers. “Pero anak, don’t let this moment convince you na dito na nagtatapos ang buhay mo.” I swallowed hard.
“Hindi mo kailangang kalimutan ang mga pangarap mo dahil lang may mga bagay na hindi nangyari ayon sa plano. Sometimes, the things that stop us from the life we imagined can lead us somewhere we never expected.”
I looked toward the crib again. My baby was sleeping peacefully. I still didn’t know how to look at him without remembering everything I had lost. Mama gently squeezed my hand.
“Maybe this isn’t the life you dreamed of,” she whispered. “Maybe your dreams have been delayed. Maybe the path you’re walking now isn’t the one you wanted.” She paused.
“But that doesn’t mean wala nang magandang naghihintay sa’yo.” I said nothing.
“Hindi kita pipilitin na mahalin ang lahat ngayon. Hindi kita pipilitin na maging masaya. Ang hinihingi ko lang sa’yo is to keep moving.”
Her eyes softened. “One day at a time, anak.” I stared at the ceiling, trying to hold myself together.
For months, I had been mourning the girl I used to be, the ballerina, the dreamer, the daughter who thought she knew exactly where her life was going.
And now, I had no idea who I was anymore. Maybe Mama was right. Maybe this wasn’t the end. But tonight, I still wasn’t ready to believe that. All I knew was that I had failed at the life I once wanted.
Hours passed. Marahan tumayo si Mama from her chair and took one last glance at the crib before walking toward the window. She checked her wristwatch, her brows drawn together in worry.
“Ma? Anong problema?” tanong ko.
“Kanina pa nagpaalam si Ronan na lalabas lang siya, but until now, hindi pa rin siya bumabalik.” Her voice trembled slightly. “Ilang oras na ang lumipas.”
Only then did it hit me. Ronan. I had gotten so used to having him around that I hadn’t even noticed when he disappeared.
For hours. Where is he? Magsasalita pa lang ako nang biglang bumukas ang pinto.
Dad stood there, his phone tightly gripped in one hand. The moment his eyes landed on us, something in his expression made my stomach drop.
“Leusam, have you seen Ronan outside?” tanong ni Mama. Dad didn’t answer.
Instead, he looked at her, long and hard, before reaching for her arm, as if silently asking her to step outside. “Excuse us,” he said quietly. But there was something in his voice.
Something is wrong. “Dad…” I called. He stopped.
“What is it?” tanong ko, my voice suddenly shaking. “Anong nangyari kay Ronan?” They both looked at me. Mama seemed hesitant, desperately trying to read the expression on Dad’s face.
But Dad didn’t look away. He stared straight into my eyes, his face pale and grim.
And then he said the words that made the entire world around me stop. “He’s been kidnapped.”
My breath caught. For a second, I couldn’t process what I had just heard. Then Dad continued, his voice barely above a whisper. “And now… he’s in a coma.”
The room went completely silent. My heart stopped. No. That couldn’t be true. Ronan was supposed to come back.
He was supposed to walk through that door, complain about being hungry, tease me like he always did. He wasn’t supposed to be lying somewhere unconscious. He wasn’t supposed to be fighting for his life.
“W-What…?” My voice broke. Dad’s eyes softened, but he didn’t take back his words. And suddenly, the hours of silence didn’t feel ordinary anymore. They felt like a warning I should have noticed.
Dali-dali akong tumayo, halos hindi ko na namalayan na hinila ko ang dextrose sa kamay ko.
“Tabitha!” Gulat na sigaw ni Mama, pero hindi ko na siya pinakinggan. My eyes were already filling with tears. “Where is he?” My voice trembled. I didn’t care about anything else right now.
Not the pain in my hand. Not the questions. Not even the fact that I could barely stand properly. I just needed to see him. I needed to know that he was okay.
“Kailangan natin siyang puntahan.” I turned toward Mama, my tears finally falling. “Please, Dad… please.” My chest tightened as memories came rushing back. Ronan standing beside me. Ronan trying to take care of me. Ronan patiently dealing with every mood, every silence, every time I pushed him away.
And me?
I had been so angry. So hurt. I kept blaming him for everything that happened to my life. For the changes I didn’t want. For the dreams I thought I had lost. I remembered every cold word I had thrown at him.
Every time I refused to listen. Every time I made him feel like he was the last person I wanted beside me. My jaw tightened. I refused to say it out loud. I wasn’t ready to admit that maybe I had been too hard on him.
Maybe he had been struggling too. Maybe while I was drowning in everything I had lost, I had forgotten that he was drowning with me.
But none of that mattered right now. Because he was gone. And for the first time, the thought of something happening to him terrified me more than the thought of losing the life I used to have.
“Kailangan ko siyang makita,” I whispered, my voice breaking. “Please… I need to know that he’s okay.”
Mama immediately reached for me, trying to steady me. “Anak, calm down—”
“I can’t!” I shook my head, tears continuously falling. “I just need him, Ma.” I looked toward the door, my heart pounding painfully in my chest. For months, I had acted like I didn’t need Ronan.
Tonight, I couldn’t keep pretending. Not when I didn’t even know if he was safe.
“Tabitha, dahan-dahan.” I barely heard Mama as I hurriedly stepped out of the car. Ronan had been rushed to another hospital. According to Dad’s assistant, he was currently under monitoring.
But who was watching him? Was he alone? Was he awake? Was he okay? I couldn’t stop the questions from flooding my mind.
Hindi ko na alintana ang panghihina ng mga hita at tuhod ko, the dull ache in my back, or the exhaustion weighing heavily on my entire body.
I just needed to get to him. As soon as I saw the hospital room Dad’s assistant had mentioned, my heart began pounding violently against my chest.
One step. Another. The closer we got, the harder it became to breathe.
My lungs felt like they couldn’t take in enough air. I tried to inhale, but my breath came out shaky, followed by a terrifying tightness in my chest.
I was scared. Terrified. “Where is he?” Dad asked as we stopped in front of the door.
His assistant was about to answer when a voice suddenly came from behind us. “Don’t you dare open that door.” We all turned. A woman stood several feet away.
She looked to be in her mid-thirties, wearing a red turtleneck sweatshirt. Her skin was unusually pale, her thin lips pressed into a furious line, and there was something about her presence that immediately made the hallway feel colder.
She was staring directly at me. Not Dad. Not Mama.
Me.
Mama and I exchanged confused glances. Before I could even ask who she was, she marched toward us.
And then, a sharp slap sent my head turning to the side.
“Tabitha!” Mama’s scream echoed through the hallway. I lost my balance and dropped to the floor, stunned.
For a few seconds, I couldn’t process what had happened. My cheek felt numb. My ears were ringing. But none of that frightened me as much as the hatred in that woman’s eyes.
Dad’s assistant immediately stepped between us and restrained her arm. “Ano ba! Bitawan mo ako! Let go of me!” She struggled against him, her voice rising with every word.
I stared at her, completely confused. Why did she hate me? Why was she looking at me like I had done something unforgivable?
“Mrs. Fierro, stop.” My lips parted.
Fierro.
The name hit me harder than the slap.
Fierro?
I looked at the woman again. My heart suddenly sank. Before I could make sense of it, doctors and nurses rushed toward us, trying to calm her down and pull her farther away.
“Bitawan niyo ako!” Her voice cracked through the hallway. “She’s the reason why my son is in danger!” I froze. Her son. My eyes instinctively darted toward the hospital door behind us.
Ronan.
“Who are you?” Dad demanded, stepping protectively in front of me. The woman glared at him. “Sino ba kayo?!” Her eyes returned to me.
“Wala kayong karapatan makita ang anak ko!” My breathing stopped. Anak niya? I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. All I could hear was my own heartbeat pounding inside my ears.
And suddenly, the fear I had been carrying since I heard Ronan was in the hospital became something much heavier. Because whoever this woman was… she knew something about him that I didn’t.
And judging by the way she looked at me, she blamed me for everything.
“Ma’am…” My voice came out barely above a whisper, breathless and trembling. “Bakit na-coma si Ronan? Anong masamang ginawa niya para abutin siya ng ganitong kondisyon? Sino ang may gawa nito?”
Her questions came one after another, each one sharper than the last. I couldn’t answer. Because somewhere between her anger and her accusations, something inside me broke.
Tama siya. Walang ginawang masama si Ronan para maranasan niya ito. He didn’t deserve to be lying unconscious in that room.
And suddenly, all the memories I had spent months trying to bury came rushing back. The times I blamed him. The times I pushed him away. The times I made him feel like he was the reason my life had fallen apart.
I had been so consumed by my own pain that I never stopped to wonder how much he was carrying too. My eyes burned with tears.
Sa akin dapat ito. Not him. I was the one who deserved to feel the weight of everything I had done to him.
“We’re investigating who did this to hi—”
“No!” Dad didn’t even get to finish. “Kukunin ko na ang anak ko!” Mrs. Fierro shouted. “No one will ever hurt him again! Wala ni isa sa inyo!”
“Hindi niyo po naiintindihan,” Mama tried to explain. “Hindi ang anak namin ang may kagagawan nito. We’re also unaware who might have hurt your son. We’re here because he’s the fa—”
“Wala na akong pakialam!” Her voice echoed through the hallway.
“I will get my son out of here, and you can’t stop me!” She struggled against the people trying to calm her. “Bitawan niyo ako! At ikaw, layuan mo ang anak ko!”
Her eyes found mine. “He’s hurt enough!” Those words hit me harder than anything else.
He’s hurt enough. I lowered my eyes. She was right. Maybe Ronan had already endured enough because of me. Maybe staying beside him wasn’t love anymore. Maybe it was selfishness. “Ma’am, you can’t do that,” Mama insisted. “Your son is the fa—”
I gently caught Mama’s arm. She stopped and looked at me. I shook my head. My tears finally fell. I knew what I was about to do. It would probably destroy whatever was left of me.
But maybe this was the first thing I could do for Ronan without asking anything in return. Let him go. I had already taken enough from him. “Wag na wag na kayong magpapakita sa akin,” Mrs. Fierro said coldly. “Alis.”
My throat tightened. “Ma’am… please.” I took one hesitant step forward. “Hayaan niyo po akong makita si Ronan kahit isang beses lang.” Her hand moved before I could finish.
Another slap. “Hey!” Dad’s voice thundered through the hallway. I immediately raised a trembling hand, stopping him.
“Dad…” My voice broke. “Parang awa niyo na ho.” Mrs. Fierro shook her head. “Hindi! Umalis na kayo!” She pushed me away.
I stumbled backward, and for a moment, I simply stood there. I didn’t fight back. I didn’t argue. I didn’t even try to defend myself. Because somehow, being pushed away felt like I deserved it.
“Hindi na ba kayo naaawa sa anak ko?” she cried. “He’s in a coma, and you still want to hurt him? Sobra naman kayo!”
My chest ached. I wanted to tell her I didn’t want to hurt him. I wanted to tell her that I loved him. But, the words wouldn’t come. Because what good would they do now?
Love didn’t erase the things I had said. It didn’t erase the way I treated him. It didn’t erase the pain I had caused while I was drowning in my own. I looked at the closed hospital door.
Somewhere behind it was Ronan. The man I had pushed away when he needed me. The man I kept blaming when I was angry at the life I had lost. The man who was now lying unconscious while I stood outside, finally realizing how much I had taken him for granted.
My lips trembled. “I’m sorry, Ronan.” The words were so quiet that no one heard them. I wiped my tears and took a step backward. Then another.
Maybe letting him go was the only thing I could still do for him. Even if it meant walking away from the person I loved. Even if it broke whatever was left of my heart. I couldn’t keep hurting him.
Not anymore.
But for one last time, let me see him.
Tumalikod ako at tumakbo pabalik kung nasaan si Ronan. “Sinabi ko nang huwag na kayong magpakita dito.” Hindi ko pinakinggan si Mrs. Fierro.
Kahit pigilan ako ng dalawang lalaking kasama niya, nagpumilit akong tumakbo papunta sa silid. “Please, kailangan ko lang siyang makita! Tapos… tapos aalis na po ako!” sigaw ko habang patuloy sa pag-iyak.
Malapit ko nang maabot ang pinto nang marinig ko ang boses ni Mama. “Tabitha.”
Sinubukan akong hawakan ni Dad, pero buong lakas kong pinilit ang sarili kong makalapit sa pinto. Pagkabukas ko nito—
My lips parted when I saw the empty bed. Walang tao. Nasaan siya? Nasaan si Ronan? Dahan-dahan akong lumingon kay Mrs. Fierro, at doon ko nakita ang maliit niyang ngiti.
“Hindi mo na siya makikita ulit,” she said. Unti-unti akong binitawan ng mga lalaki. Nanghina ang mga tuhod ko at napaupo ako sa sahig. Nilapitan ko si Mrs. Fierro. I crawled towards her and held onto her right leg.
“Please, let me see him just once. You’ll never see me again. Kailangan ko lang pong makita na okay siya.” I begged through my tears.
“Hindi, sabi eh.” Agad niyang tinanggal ang kamay ko sa hita niya bago tumalikod at naglakad palayo.
“Tabitha,” sambit ni Mama. “Ma, hindi ko kaya. Kailangan ko siyang makita, please.” Napatingin ako kay Dad. “Dad, help me. Tulungan mo ako kung saan ko siya makikita.”
“I already did, princess. But he’s nowhere to be found. His parents come from a wealthy background too. They’re covering my sources. I’m sorry, princess.”
Umiling ako. No.
No, no, no. And then suddenly, I remembered where I last saw him. Yung huling salitang binitawan ko sa kanya bago mangyari ang lahat ng ito.
“And it’s your fault! You did this to me! I never wanted this!”
“I hate this life. I hate this body. I hate everything.”
Napapikit ako habang muling bumalik sa isip ko ang mukha niya. I’m so sorry, Ronan.
For weeks, I couldn’t speak, think not because I didn’t want to. Because I didn’t know how.
Every time I closed my eyes, I remembered the hospital hallway. His mother’s anger. Her words. He’s hurt enough. And the worst part was knowing that I couldn’t even tell myself she was wrong.
I had been angry for so long. Angry at the pregnancy. Angry at the changes in my body. Angry at the dreams I thought I had lost.
Angry at Ronan because he was the easiest person to blame. But somewhere along the way, I forgot that he was never my enemy. He was hurting too. And now, I didn’t even know when I would hear his voice again.
“You have to eat fruit, makakatulong ito sa pag galing mo—” I cut him off.
“I said, I don’t want to see you in front of me! Get out!” I shouted at him.
“Good job, little man,” I heard Ronan whisper with a smile. For a moment, the room was quiet. Then— “Waaah!”
Napapikit ako sa lakas ng iyak ng baby. My head immediately started pounding. I was exhausted. My body felt heavy, my mind felt like it was barely keeping up, and all I wanted was a few minutes of silence. Pero hindi iyon dumating.
“Shh… shh… okay lang, anak.” Naririnig ko ang boses ni Ronan habang sinusubukan niyang patahanin ang baby.
I tried to ignore it. Baka tumigil din. Pero ilang minuto na, umiiyak pa rin siya. Lalong sumisikip ang dibdib ko. I pressed my eyes shut, hoping the sound would disappear. It didn’t.
“Ronan…”
“Tabitha?” I opened my eyes and glared at him.
“Make him stop.”
“Sinusubukan ko.”
“WELL, TRY HARDER!” Napabitaw ako sa sarili kong boses, pero wala na akong pakialam.
The crying wouldn’t stop. Ronan carried the baby toward the window, gently bouncing him in his arms. Instead of getting quieter, mas lumakas pa ang iyak. “Please…” narinig kong bulong niya. “Please, anak…” I covered both my ears.
“Shut him up!” Hindi ko na kayang pakinggan. Every cry felt like it was drilling straight into my head. “Wala na akong marinig!”
I grabbed the pillow beside me and threw it aside, frustrated with everything, with the room, with my body, with the pain, with the noise, with the life I had woken up to. “Tabi…”
“STOP IT!” The baby cried even louder. My patience snapped.
“I SAID STOP!” Tumayo ako mula sa kama kahit nanginginig ang mga tuhod ko. “Tabitha!” Ronan immediately rushed toward me. Pero hindi ko siya pinansin. My eyes were fixed on the baby.
“Give him to me.”
“Tabi, wait—”
“IBIGAY MO SA AKIN!” Hindi ko alam kung bakit ko siya gustong hawakan. Maybe I thought I could make the crying stop. Maybe I just wanted to understand why everything had become so unbearable.
Ronan hesitated before carefully handing him to me. The moment I held my son, I looked down at his tiny face. He was still crying. And suddenly, something inside me cracked. Tears blurred my vision. “I hate this…”
My voice trembled. “I hate hearing you cry…”
I hated the noise. I hated the helplessness. I hated that I didn’t know what to do. I hated that my body felt like it no longer belonged to me. I hated waking up and realizing that everything had changed.
“Stop…” My voice broke. “Please stop…”
“Tabi…” Ronan’s voice was full of worry. “STOP!” I couldn’t take it anymore. I instinctively moved the baby away from me, overwhelmed by everything happening at once.
“Tabitha!” Ronan immediately reached for him. The moment he took our son from my arms, I froze. Silence filled my head for a second. I stared at my empty hands.
Then at Ronan. Then at our crying baby. And suddenly, reality came crashing down on me.
“H-Hindi…” I took a shaky step backward. Hindi. What was happening to me? My hands were trembling.
My breathing became faster. “I almost…” I couldn’t finish the sentence. I looked at my hands as if they belonged to someone else. “I almost…” “Tabi, tingnan mo ako.” “Don’t…”
I shook my head. “Don’t come near me!”
“You didn’t—”
“I ALMOST DID!” My voice broke as tears streamed down my face. I couldn’t stop them anymore. I felt angry. Scared. Lost. And most of all, trapped. “It’s because of him!” I cried, pointing toward the baby before immediately looking away.
“Kung hindi siya umiiyak—” My eyes landed on Ronan. “And it’s your fault!” He went completely still. “You did this to me!” Every word came from a place of anger I didn’t even recognize.
Hindi ko alam kung kanino ako galit. Sa baby? Kay Ronan? Sa sarili ko? Sa buhay na biglang nagbago? Maybe I was angry at all of it. “I never wanted this!”
My knees weakened, and I collapsed onto the edge of the bed, sobbing. “I hate this life…” My voice barely came out.
“I hate this body…” I covered my face with both hands. “I hate everything.”
Tears wouldn’t stop falling from my eyes as I remembered every word I had said to him, every cruel thing I had thrown at him without thinking about how deeply they might hurt.
“Tabitha, please open the door for me, princess.” Rinig ko ang boses ni Mama mula sa labas ng pinto.
I locked myself inside the room, hoping the silence would make me feel numb.
But it didn’t. The emptiness only made the pain sink deeper. Kasalanan ko lahat ng ito. I took him for granted. I pushed him away when all he ever wanted was to stay.
And now, he was out of my reach. I might never see him again. Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko, trying to steady my breathing as another tear slipped down my cheek.
Ang tanga mo, Tabitha. I had him. And I was the one who let him go.
Weeks passed. Then one evening, Mama and Dad had to leave, and there was no one else who could watch the baby. So they brought him into my room.
I was lying on my bed, staring blankly at the ceiling when I heard it. A cry, soft at first.
Then louder. I slowly turned my head toward the crib. For a moment, I just stared.
I didn’t move. Then the crying grew louder. Something inside me finally gave in. I pushed myself up and walked toward him.
“Hey…” My voice was barely there. I stood beside the crib and looked down. And then I froze. Those eyes. I had seen them before.
The same eyes that once looked at me like I was the only person in the room. Ronan’s eyes.
My breath caught in my throat. Suddenly, every wall I had built around myself came crashing down. He wasn’t a mistake. He wasn’t a punishment. He wasn’t proof that my life had been ruined. He was ours.
A tiny piece of the person I loved. A piece of Ronan that remained with me even when I couldn’t be beside him. My eyes filled with tears.
“I’m sorry…” I carefully lifted him from the crib and held him against my chest. “I’m so sorry, baby.” He continued crying, his tiny fingers curling against my clothes.
I cried with him. “I was angry at you before I even knew you.” My voice trembled. “I was angry because I thought you took everything from me.” I pressed my cheek gently against his head.
“My dreams… my life… everything I thought I was supposed to have.” My tears fell onto his tiny blanket.
“But you didn’t take anything from me.” I closed my eyes. “You were never the reason I lost myself.” I hugged him a little closer.
“You’re my baby.” The words felt strange coming from my mouth. But for the first time, they didn’t feel like a burden. They felt like something precious. “I should’ve known sooner.”
A sob escaped me. “I should’ve loved you sooner.” The door opened.
Mama stood there, she’s back earlier than I expected. One look at me was enough. She hurried toward us and wrapped her arms around me. I broke completely.
“Ma…” I buried my face against her shoulder, still holding the baby carefully between us. “I’m scared.”
Mama rubbed my back. “I need Ronan.” My voice cracked. “I need him, Ma. I don’t know how to do this without him.”
“I know, anak.”
“I don’t know how to face everything by myself.”
“You’re not by yourself.” I pulled back and looked at her through my tears.
“Nandito kami.” Her hand gently touched my cheek.
“Kakayanin mo. Hindi dahil kailangan mong maging matatag araw-araw, but because you have people who will hold you when you can’t stand on your own.” She looked down at the baby in my arms.
“At nandiyan ang anak niyo.” I looked at him. His tiny face had finally become peaceful. I gently traced my finger over his little cheek. For months, I had looked at him and only seen everything I thought I had lost. Tonight, I finally saw what I had been given.
My baby. Our baby. A piece of Ronan. A piece of me.
I leaned down and kissed his forehead, tears still running down my cheeks. “I’ll try, baby.” My voice was barely a whisper. “For you.”
I looked at him again. “And for your Dad.”
For the first time in months, I allowed myself to imagine Ronan coming home. And this time, I didn’t imagine the life I had lost. I imagined the three of us learning how to begin again.
I glance at the window, the sky and whisper. “Ronan.”
CHAPTER TWENTY TWO : LITTLE MANONG
“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” — Vivian Greene
“Okay, one, two, one, two, tiptoe, tiptoe, one, two. That’s right, you’re doing good, Daisy.” A bright smile flashes across her cute little face as she continues our routine. She tiptoes carefully, her tiny ballet shoes making soft sounds against the floor.
“Keep going, Daisy. Tiptoe, tiptoe, tipt—” Napahinto ako nang bumukas ang pinto ng silid na kinaroroonan namin. Sumilip si Teacher Joyce.
“Teacher Tabi, Daisy’s parents are here already po.” Ngumiti ako at nilapitan si Daisy. “Daisy, your mom is already here. Let’s meet again next week, okay?”
I fixed her little ballet skirt before she nodded with a bubbly smile. “Yes, Teacher Tabi. See you next week!” Her cute little voice made me smile. I watched her walk toward the door with Teacher Joyce before slowly closing it behind them.
Pagkasara ng pinto, marahan akong sumandal sa table ko, looking around the small room that was supposed to be a laboratory but had been turned into a little ballet studio for our students.
I smiled to myself. Four years ago, I never imagined that I would end up here. But I’m not complaining.
Life here is simple. It’s peaceful. And for the first time in a long time, I’m content with that.
Pero habang lumilipas ang mga taon, unti-unti ring nababawasan ang students ko. I started with a whole class. Thirty students in one year.
Now, I only have three left, Daisy, Flora, and Yumi.
Habang umaangat ang buhay ng mga tao, mas gusto rin ng mga parents na dalhin ang mga anak nila sa cities. Mas maraming ballet schools, mas maraming teachers, mas maraming opportunities.
I understand them. If I were their parent, I’d probably want the same thing for my ballerina child.
Pero hindi ko maikakaila na nakakalungkot. Every student who leaves means one less reason for the school to keep our ballet class open.
And lately, I’ve been quietly worried that one day, there won’t be enough students left for this little studio to stay. St. Claire Academy is a small school in the province where I chose to settle after everything that happened.
A place where no one knows me as the girl behind the viral name Midnight Ballerina.
No one knows about the heir who lost everything. No one looks at me with disappointment. Here, I’m simply Teacher Tabi. And honestly, I like being her.
Four years have passed, and I’ve changed a lot.
I’m not the same girl who used to make decisions without thinking about the consequences. I’ve learned to be more patient, more careful, and more accepting of the things I can’t control.
I’ve also learned that starting over doesn’t always have to be grand.
Sometimes, it can be as simple as finding a quiet place, doing something you love, and being happy with what you have.
I looked around the empty studio and smiled faintly.
“Ngayon, ang hiling ko lang ay magkaroon pa tayo ng maraming students,” bulong ko sa sarili ko. “Para hindi tuluyang mawala ang ballet class dito.” Huminga ako nang malalim before straightening myself.
There was still tomorrow. And for now, that was enough.
I picked up the ribbons scattered across the floor and began cleaning the little studio, quietly hoping that tomorrow, there would still be tiny ballet shoes dancing across this room.
“Teacher Tabi.” Napatingin ako nang marinig ang boses ni Teacher Joyce. “Oh?”
“Okay ka lang ba?” tanong niya, may halong pag-aalala bago umupo sa sahig beside me. Nakaluhod pa rin ako habang pinupulot ang maliliit na ribbons na naiwan sa sahig.
“Oo naman. Okay lang ako.” Ngumiti ako. “Itong ballet class ko lang ang hindi okay.”
May konting lungkot sa boses ko, pero pinili ko pa ring ngumiti. “Pero naiintindihan ko naman. Malay mo, bukas maraming mag-enroll. Let’s not lose hope.” I winked at her before standing up.
“Saan mo ba nakukuha ang good vibes mo? Parang hindi ka nauubusan ng hope,” natatawang sabi niya. “Oh, siya. Bukas, kakausapin daw lahat ng teachers sa office ni Dean. Alam na naman natin ang posibleng mangyari, kaya maghanda ka na, okay?”
Tumango lang ako at nagsimulang magligpit ng mga gamit sa table ko. Isa-isa kong ipinasok ang mga ito sa bag ko. “Tomorrow is another day…” Napahinto ako nang mapansin ang picture frame sa ibabaw ng table ko. Ngumiti ako. “…a bright day.”
I let out a small cheer before finally letting go of all the worries I had carried throughout the day. Maiiwan muna sila rito. Paglabas ko ng silid, mas magaan na ang pakiramdam ko.
Tomorrow could take care of itself. For now, may isang taong excited akong makita.
I headed straight to the kindergarten area and waited by the hallway, watching the little angels come out one by one as their parents picked them up.
Then I saw him.
Nasa isang gilid lang siya, maliit na maliit habang nakaupo at pinapanood ang isang kaklase niyang sinundo ng daddy nito.
He watched them with a small smile. Pero kahit hindi ko gustong isipin, nakita ko ang maliit na hint of longing sa mga mata niya.
Napangiti ako bago dahan-dahang lumapit. “Hello!!!” Nagulat siya at mabilis na napalingon sa akin. “Mama!!!”
Before I could even say anything, he immediately wrapped his little arms around me. I laughed as I hugged him back, feeling my heart melt.
“Hello, Little Manong.” He pulled away and looked at me with the brightest smile.
“Bakit nasa labas ka na agad? Diba sabi ni Mama, wait mo ako lagi sa loob, tabi ni Teacher Stella?”
“Alam ko naman po na parating ka na po, kaya lumabas na po ako.” Napataas ang kilay ko.
“Sagot ba ’yan o pangangatwiran?” He giggled. I shook my head, trying not to laugh.
“Okay, Little Manong. Since nandito ka na, mag-goodbye ka na kay Teacher Stella dahil uuwi na tayo.”
“Okay!” May kasama pang thumbs-up.
Tumakbo siya pabalik sa classroom, kumaway kay Teacher Stella, then hurried back to me with his little backpack bouncing behind him.
I bent down and opened my arms. “Come here.” Agad siyang sumampa sa akin. Binuhat ko siya at sabay kaming lumabas ng main gate ng campus, papunta sa parking lot.
Pagdating namin sa titanium gray Wigo ko, binuksan ko ang back door at maingat siyang inilagay sa car seat. “Seatbelt.”
“Locked na po!” I checked it myself anyway, making sure everything was secured before closing the door.
Umupo ako sa driver’s seat at tumingin sa kanya through the rearview mirror. Inabot ko sa kanya ang isang SkyFlakes. “Here. Snack muna.”
“Thank you, Mama!”
“You’re welcome.” I started the engine.
“Little Manong, may gusto ka bang ulam tonight?” He didn’t even think twice.
“CHICKEN DRUMSTICK!!!” Napatawa ako.
“Drumstick talaga?”
“Opo! Marami!”
“Okay, okay. Chicken drumsticks it is.” He raised both of his little hands in victory.
“Yaaay!” Napailing ako habang nakangiti. The whole day had been filled with worries about my ballet class, but somehow, just having him beside me made everything feel lighter.
Maybe tomorrow won’t be easy. Maybe my ballet class would face another difficult day.
But tonight?
I had my little man, a small home waiting for us, and chicken drumsticks to cook. And for me, that was already enough.
I drove home with a smile, listening to his little stories from school filling the car.
This three-year-old kid sure has a lot to say for his age.
(TABITHA’S LITTLE HOME)
“Okay, tapos ka nang kumain. Wash-wash hands, then brush-brush, and what?” Hinintay ko siyang sumagot habang nakatingin sa akin ang anak ko.
“Wash-wash body!” he proudly answered before running toward the bathroom inside our room. I shook my head with a smile.
We live in a small condominium, nothing fancy, but it’s more than enough for the two of us. Simple, quiet, and exactly how I like our little life.
Isa-isa kong niligpit ang mga pinagkainan namin bago pumunta sa lababo at nagsimulang maghugas ng pinggan.
Habang busy ako, panay pa rin ang sulyap ko sa bukas na pinto ng bathroom. Tanaw ko si Little Manong habang nagsisipilyo.
At three years old, he was already trying to do things on his own. Minsan, gusto niyang siya lahat. Siya magbukas ng juice. Siya maglagay ng sapatos. Siya magsuot ng damit. At kapag tinulungan ko siya?
“Can do it, Mama!” He was such a good boy. And yes, I was taking full credit for that. Ako ang nagturo sa kanya, noh. Napangiti ako habang pinagmamasdan siyang maingat na nagsisipilyo.
Biglang tumunog ang phone ko. “Little Manong, Mamu is calling!”
Hindi pa nito tapos ang pag-brush-brush niya, pero nang marinig ang salitang Mamu , agad niyang inilabas ang toothbrush sa bibig at tumakbo papunta sa akin. I laughed.
“Finish your brushing first!” Mabilis siyang bumalik sa bathroom, nag-brush ng ilang segundo, then ran back to me like his life depended on it.
I wiped my hands with the towel beside me and picked up my phone. It was Mama. I answered the call and immediately switched it to video.
“Ma.”
“Mamuuuuuuuu!” Napangiti ako nang makita ang maliit na mukha ni Little Manong na halos sakupin ang buong screen sa sobrang lapit sa camera.
May toothpaste pa sa gilid ng labi niya.“Hello, Mama’s boy,” Mama greeted, laughing. “Bakit may toothpaste ka pa sa mukha?” “I’m brushing my teeth, Mamu!”
“Good boy! Very clean boy!” I rolled my eyes. “Ma, huwag mo ngang i-spoil.”
“Why? Apo ko ’yan.” Then Mama turned the phone toward Dad, who was already lying comfortably in bed, wearing his reading glasses while holding a book.
“Papi, look who’s here.” Dad immediately lowered his book. “My little Manong!”
“PAPIIII!” Little Manong practically screamed. Dad laughed. “How’s my little man?”
“Good po!”
“Did you eat your dinner?”
“Yes, Papi.”
“What did you eat?”
“Chicken!”
Dad nodded seriously. “Good choice.”
“Papi, Mama said we can have chicken drumsticks tomorrow again!” I glanced at him.
“Excuse me? We? “ He ignored me completely. Dad chuckled. “Of course. Papi will buy you a lot of chicken drumsticks.”
“Dad!” I protested.
Mama immediately joined in. “And ice cream!”
“Maaa!”
Little Manong’s eyes widened. “Ice cream, Papi!” Dad nodded. “Two scoops.”
“Three!” I covered my face. “Little Manong, don’t negotiate with your grandparents.”
“But Mamu said—”
“I know what Mamu said.” Mama laughed. “Okay, okay. Two scoops muna. Then if Mama Tabi says yes, three.” Dad looked at me through the screen. “Tabi, you’re allowed to say yes.”
“Dad, you two are impossible.” Little Manong giggled beside me. “Papi, miss me?”
“Very much. One hundred times.”
“Super miss, one hundred times!” Dad’s face instantly softened. “I miss you too, little man. Next time Papi visits, we’ll go out, okay?”
“Where?” ang kulit talaga. Kanino ba anak ito? Ah, akin nga pala.
“Anywhere you want.”
“Toy store!” Dad laughed. “Okay. Toy store.” I immediately pointed at my son.
“No.” He gasped dramatically. “Papi!” Dad smiled innocently. “I didn’t say anything.”
“You were about to.” Mama was already laughing. “Hayaan mo na, Tabi. Bata pa naman.”
“That is exactly why I’m saying no!” Little Manong hugged the phone. “Mamu, Papi, I love you!”
“Awww,” Mama cooed. “We love you more!” mahal na mahal nila ang apo nila. “More than Mama?”
My eyes widened. “Hey!” Little Manong thought about it for a second. Then he smiled.
“Love Mama… and Papi… and Mamu!” I placed a hand over my chest.
“Good answer.” Dad laughed. “That’s my smart boy.”
“Spoiled boy,” tinama ko ang sinabi ni Dad. “Happy boy,” Mama said. I looked at them through the screen and couldn’t help but smile.
She was right. He was a happy boy. And maybe having grandparents who spoiled him a little too much wasn’t such a bad thing after all.
I returned to washing the dishes while Little Manong carried the phone to the sofa, happily talking to his Mamu and Papi. Every few seconds, I’d hear his little giggles from across the room.
Especially whenever Dad made one of his silly faces. I glanced at them and smiled. My parents had only visited us last week, but apparently, that wasn’t enough for my little man.
He missed them terribly. And judging by the way my dad was already promising chicken, ice cream, and a trip to the toy store.
I knew exactly why. They were, without a doubt, his favorite people after me. Or maybe…
I was just number two now. I smiled to myself. “Traitor,” I whispered, watching my son laugh with his Papi.
After washing the dishes, I let them talk while I sat at the table, checking our bills one by one, electricity, water, groceries, and everything else we needed for the month.
Isa pa, kailangan ko ring bumili ng mga gamot ni Little Manong.
I glanced at the small list I had written beside the bills, mentally adding everything up. I tried to stay calm, but the numbers were already making my chest feel heavy. “Hahaha, nakakatwa po, Papi!” Napalingon ako at nakita ko ang anak ko, happily playing with his grandfather.
I smiled at the sight, but deep inside, there was a familiar ache. Knowing that he inherited the same sickness I had when I was young still hurt in ways I could never explain.
It wasn’t his fault. None of this was his fault.
Eight months old siya nang malaman naming mayroon din siyang sickle cell disease. Sobrang hirap tanggapin. Alam ko kung gaano kahirap lumaki na may ganitong kondisyon because I had lived through it myself. Alam ko kung gaano karaming bagay ang kailangang limitahan, ang paglalaro, ang pagkain, ang mga kailangang iwasan. And worst of all, he had to take medicines at such a young age.
I never wanted him to experience any of it. But I couldn’t change what had already happened.
Ang kaya ko na lang gawin ngayon ay siguraduhing maagapan ito. Just like me, gagaling din siya. At naniniwala akong darating ang araw na hindi na niya kailangang maramdaman na iba siya sa ibang bata.
I smiled when he laughed again, hiding the worry that was slowly eating me inside. Pero habang tinitingnan ko ang mga resibo sa harapan ko, unti-unting bumalik ang realidad.
Sa dami ng gamot na kailangan niya, alam kong hindi na kakayanin ng kinikita ko sa trabaho. And I didn’t want to keep relying on my parents. This is my life. My family.
I have to learn how to provide for it.
Sobrang laki na ng problemang idinulot ko sa mga magulang ko dahil sa mga maling desisyon ko noon. Ayaw ko nang ulitin iyon. Ayaw ko nang dumating sa puntong kailangan na naman nila akong saluhin kapag hindi ko na kayang tumayo mag-isa.
Not again. “Tabi, princess?” Napalingon ako sa phone nang marinig ang boses ni Mama. “Po?”
Sumilip ako sa screen at ngumiti, agad na itinago sa ilalim ng notebook ang mga bills na hawak ko. “Kamusta ka? Kamusta ang work?”
“Okay lang po, Ma,” sagot ko, pilit na magaan ang boses. “Mas maraming students ang gustong pumasok ngayon sa ballet class.” A lie. pero kailangan. “Sabihan mo lang kami if you need anything, okay?” I nodded and smiled. “No worries, Ma. Kaya naman po.”
“Hindi porket kaya mo, ibig sabihin hindi ka na dapat humingi o tumanggap ng tulong, princess.” Malumanay ang boses niya. “We’re your parents. We’re part of your fight. Kaya nandito lang kami. You don’t have to wait na nahihirapan ka na bago ka lumapit sa amin, okay?” I nodded again, smiling even though my eyes were starting to sting.
“Thank you, Ma.” Pero alam ko sa sarili ko na kabaligtaran nito ang gagawin ko. Hindi dahil ayaw ko sa tulong nila. Nahihiya lang ako.
I wanted to prove that I could do this on my own. That I could take care of my son without making my parents carry another burden because of me. Kaya ko ito. Ilalaban ko ito.
“Paano ba ’yan, Little Manong? Need na mong mag-sleep. It’s getting late, may pasok ka pa bukas.” Agad na nalungkot ang mukha niya nang marinig iyon. He pouted at me.
“Akala mo makukuha mo ako sa pagpapacute mo,” natatawa kong sabi. But then I looked at him a little longer. His eyes. His smile. His little expressions.
Kitang-kita ko ang mukha ni Ronan sa kanya. A complete little duplicate of him.
“Little Manong, sleep na ikaw. Obey Mama and we’ll reward you pagbalik namin diyan, okay?” singit ni Mama. Talagang spoiled na spoiled ang batang iyon sa kanila. Napailing na lang ako, secretly grateful that he had grandparents who loved him this much.
Yun lang pala ang hinihintay ni Little Manong bago niya ibalik sa akin ang phone. He leaned closer to the screen and kissed my cheek. “Goodnight, Mama. Sweet dreams! And I will pray before I close my eyes!” he said before running toward our room. I chuckled softly.
“Ma, magpahinga na kayo ni Dad. Kaya ko na ito. Don’t worry about us too much.” I smiled at them. “I love you. Goodnight and sweet dreams.” They smiled and nodded.
“Goodnight, Princess. We love you. See you soon.” I ended the call. The smile on my face slowly disappeared.
Tahimik na ulit ang paligid. I reached for the bills underneath my notebook and laid them all out in front of me.
Electricity.
Water.
Groceries.
Medicine.
Tuition. I counted everything twice.
Then a third time. Still the same. I leaned back in my chair and let out a quiet breath, trying not to panic. Hindi talaga aabot. My fingers tightened around the calculator. Saan naman ako kukuha ng extra?
For a moment, I closed my eyes. Then I looked toward the room where my son had just gone.
Whatever it takes. I had to figure it out.
Because being a mother meant learning how to smile even when you were scared, saying kaya ko even when you weren’t sure, and carrying the weight quietly so your child would never have to know how heavy it was.
“Ronan, ang daya mo,” I whispered to myself, covering my face with both hands as tears quietly escaped through my fingers.
For a moment, hinayaan ko lang silang tumulo. I missed him. More than I wanted to admit.
There were nights when I wondered what our life would have been like if things had turned out differently. If he were here. If I didn’t have to carry all these worries alone. If I could still lean on him whenever everything became too heavy.
Pero hindi na puwedeng puro what if . I slowly wiped my tears and let out a small, shaky chuckle. “Drama mo, Tabi,” I whispered to myself before taking a deep breath.
“Kaya mo ’to, Tabi. Kayang-kaya.” Hindi dahil hindi ako natatakot. Hindi dahil hindi ako napapagod. Kundi dahil kailangan ko.
I have my son now. I have a little life depending on me, and I refuse to let him see how scared I am of everything that lies ahead.
Maybe this wasn’t the life I once imagined for myself. Maybe there were dreams I had to let go of. And maybe a part of me would always miss the person I used to be, and the person I wished Ronan and I could have become.
But this is my life now. And I have accepted it. Hindi man madali, hindi ibig sabihin na hindi ko kaya. I stood up, took one last glance at the bills on the table, and quietly put them aside.
Bukas ko na ulit iisipin. Tonight, my son needed his mother. I walked into the bedroom and found Little Manong sleeping peacefully. I sat beside him and gently brushed the hair away from his forehead.
I watched him for a while, memorizing the little things about him, the peaceful expression on his face, the soft rhythm of his breathing, the tiny smile that appeared every now and then in his sleep.
I smiled through the ache in my chest. Maybe I lost a lot along the way. But I gained him. And for now, that was enough to make me keep going.
I leaned closer and kissed his forehead. “Kaya natin ’to, Little Manong,” I whispered. My eyes stung again, but this time, I didn’t cry.
I simply smiled. “Kaya natin ’to.” Because I may not know how I’ll make everything work tomorrow.
But I’ll figure it out.
Kinabukasan, gumising ako na akala ko handa na akong lumaban.
After everything that happened last night, I convinced myself that I would find a way. Kahit mahirap, kahit kailangan kong magsimula ulit, gagawin ko.
But apparently, my plans and fate had other ideas. Pagdating ko sa ballet academy, I was called into the director’s office.
“Teacher Tabi, please have a seat.” Umupo ako sa harap ng director habang hawak niya ang isang folder. His expression was unusually serious, and somehow, I already knew this wasn’t going to be a normal meeting.
“We’re sorry to inform you, but the academy has decided to discontinue the ballet program under your supervision.” F*ck me.
“Discontinue?” I utter, he nodded.
“The committee reviewed the program’s current enrollment, operational costs, and projected funding for the next term. Unfortunately, the academy can no longer justify the expenses required to maintain it.” I stared at him, trying to process his words.
“But the students—”
“We know,” he interrupted gently. “And this isn’t a reflection of your teaching performance, Teacher Tabi. You’ve done an excellent job with the students.” I swallowed hard.
“Then why?”
“Because financially, the program is no longer sustainable.” He opened the folder and showed me the documents.
“The academy is losing funding, and with the current number of students, the committee believes continuing the program would be an inefficient use of resources. We’re also expecting several of your students to transfer to Manila for more advanced ballet training.” My fingers slowly tightened around the edge of my chair.
Dairy.
Flora.
Yumi.
Three girls who had worked so hard.
Three students I had promised myself I would help reach their dreams. “And what happens to them?”
“We’ll assist their families with the transition as much as we can. But as for this academy’s program…” He paused. “It will officially close.” Hindi ako makapagsalita.
“You’ll be given one month to complete your responsibilities and help prepare the students before the program officially ends.” One month. That’s all I had. I forced myself to nod even though my chest felt like it was slowly sinking.
“Okay.” I stood up, thanked him, and walked out of the office with the same calm expression I had practiced for years.
No tears. No complaints. No questions. But the moment the door closed behind me, I stopped walking.
I looked down at my hands. Last night, I promised myself I’d find a way to provide for my son. This morning, the only stable thing I had left was taken away from me.
I let out a quiet laugh. “Grabe ka naman, tadhana.” I looked up at the hallway, forcing myself to breathe. One month. I had one month to figure everything out.
And for the first time since becoming a mother, I had absolutely no idea where to start.
CHAPTER TWENTY THREE : HE’S A FIGHTER
“The pain of parting is nothing to the joy of meeting again.”
— Charles Dickens
“Okay, cut! We’ll continue this after ten minutes. Excuse me.” Rinig kong sambit ni Konah mula sa kabilang linya. I’m currently sitting at my table here at the studio, staring at the empty room in front of me.
No students. No music. Just silence.
Ang weird lang. Dati, kahit pagod ako, parang ang ingay ng studio. May tunog ng sapatos sa sahig, may nagtatawanan, may nagtatanungan kung tama ba ang position ng kamay nila. Ngayon, tahimik na parang wala nang buhay ang lugar.
“Hello? Buti naman tinawagan mo na ako. Konti na lang, pupunta na ako diyan.” Napangiti ako nang marinig ang boses niya.
Konah is living the life. She’s already a stage director for famous theaters in the States and around the Philippines. Samantalang ako, heto, nakaupo sa isang studio na hindi ko na alam kung magiging akin pa ba after a month.
Tumigil man ang mundo ko, masaya ako na hindi nito pinigilan ang mundo niya. She got what she always dreamed of. And I’m genuinely happy for her.
“Kamusta?” natatawa kong sambit.
“Kamusta?! Yun lang sasabihin mo?” Agad nagbago ang tono niya. “Ilang linggo ka nang hindi tumatawag! Nasaan na ang pogi kong inaanak? Little Manong! Give him to me. Ibigay mo na siya sa akin, please lang. Pahiram ako ng anak mo!” May matching arte at tono pa ng boses na parang artista sa pelikula nang sabihin niya ang pahiram ako ng anak mo.
Mas lalo akong natawa. “Sira ka. May pasok kaya. Wala siya ngayon. Grabe ka, siya na lang ba ang dahilan kung bakit gusto mo akong makausap? Gusto mo lang naman yung anak ko.”
“Sa totoo lang, ganun nga.” Napailing ako. “Kung gano’n, friendship over na tayo.” Narinig ko ang malakas niyang tawa mula sa kabilang linya.
I missed her. I missed this. Yung pagiging makulit niya. Yung feeling na kahit gaano kabigat ang araw ko, somehow, kaya niyang gawing katawa-tawa kahit ilang minuto lang.
“Pero seryoso,” biglang sabi niya matapos humupa ang tawa. “Kamusta ka?”
“Okay lang naman.” Pero kahit ako, alam kong hindi iyon ang totoong sagot. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sisimulan.
Sa totoo lang, hindi ko rin alam kung bakit ko siya tinawagan. I just felt lost. Parang pagkatapos kong marinig kanina kung ano ang mangyayari sa klase ko, biglang nawala sa akin ang direksyon kung saan ako dapat pumunta.
“Kilala ko ang boses mo.” Napakunot ang noo ko. “Hindi ka okay. Anong nangyayari sa’yo? May problema ka, ’noh?” Napabuntong-hininga ako. Pati ba naman sa tawag, natutunugan niya ako.
“Something just happened here at work. Wala naman ito, kakayan—”
“Sabihin mo na. Ano’ng gumugulo sa isip mo?” Napakagat ako sa labi. “Ahm… so, my class…” Natahimik ako. Hindi ko masabi.
“Your ballet class?” tanong niya. “What happened?”
“So…” Huminga ako nang malalim. “The dean called me into his office today and informed me that they’re discontinuing my program.” Natahimik siya. “So ngayon, meron akong isang buwan para mag-impake, magligpit, maghakot dahil after one month…” Napatawa ako nang mahina, pero walang saya roon.
“I’m jobless. Unemployed. Just wow.”
“WHAT?” Napilitan akong ilayo nang kaunti ang phone ko sa tenga ko. “Konah—” “Hindi pwede ’yan! Sino bang nagdesisyon niyan? Tawagin mo sa akin. I’ll fight them.”
“Director ka, hindi abogado.”
“Details.” Napatawa ako kahit papaano. “Don’t worry,” bigla niyang sabi. “Bumalik na kayo dito sa Manila. Live in my place again. Ako na susustento sa’yo. I can be the father of your child.” Napairap ako.
“Konah, seryoso kasi.”
“I’m serious, too. I have excellent father material. Marunong akong magluto ng noodles.”
“Wow. Very qualified.”
“Exactly.” Napailing ako habang natatawa. Masyado na talaga niyang sinasabuhay ang mga linyahan sa pelikula. Pero ilang segundo lang, narinig ko ang malalim niyang paghinga.
“Fine. I can help you. Bumalik kayo dito. I got a great job for you.” Nawala ang ngiti ko. Bumalik ako sa Manila? Kasama si Little Manong? Kaming dalawa lang? Hindi ko maiwasang mapalunok.
The thought alone scared me.
Manila wasn’t just a place anymore. It carried memories I had spent so much time trying not to touch. Memories of the life I left behind, of the people I lost, and of everything I thought I had already moved on from.
“Hindi ako sigurado diyan, Konahrie,” mahina kong sabi. “Baka may alam ka na work dito lang around the area. Kahit maliit lang. I can find something.”
“Wala eh,” mabilis niyang sagot. “Dito lang talaga. Promise, malaki ang offer nito. Makakatulong ito sa pagpapagamot ni Little Manong.” Napatingin ako sa walang laman na studio.
“Trust me,” dagdag niya. “Bumalik ka na dito.” Natahimik ako. I trusted her. More than anyone, I knew Konah wouldn’t ask me to do something if she didn’t think it would be good for me and my son.
Pero ang tiwala ko sa kanya ay hindi sapat para mawala ang takot ko. Because going back to Manila meant starting over, again, and this time, hindi na lang ako ang kailangang isipin ko.
May anak akong kasama. May buhay na nakasalalay sa mga desisyon ko. And for the first time, I wasn’t scared of failing myself.
I was scared of failing him. “Pag-iisipan ko,” mahina kong sagot. “Okay,” sabi niya. “Pero isipin mo nang mabilis. Baka maubusan ka ng slot.”
“Slot?”
“Oo. Slot sa buhay ko. Limited edition lang ang best friend package.” Napatawa ako.
“Sira.”
“See? Napatawa kita. Therefore, effective ang therapy ko.”
“Director ka talaga.”
“I know. Now go pack your bags.”
“Hindi pa nga ako pumapayag!”
“Details ulit.” Napailing ako habang nakangiti. For a moment, the heaviness in my chest became a little lighter.
Pero nang maputol ang tawag, bumalik rin ang katahimikan ng studio. At kasama nito, ang takot na matagal ko nang sinusubukang takasan. Manila. A new job. A new beginning.
And me, trying to figure out if I was brave enough to start all over again.
Two weeks passed by, and here I am, standing in the lobby, watching Yumi, Daisy, and Flora say their final goodbyes to me as their parents prepared to take them to the city for better opportunities.
I tried to smile. I really did. But seeing their little bags hanging from their shoulders and their parents holding their hands made my chest feel strangely heavy.
“Bye, Teacher Tabi! I’ll miss you!” Daisy shouted.
She gave me the biggest goodbye wave she could, her tiny hand moving back and forth as if she could somehow make the moment last longer. “Bye, Daisy!” I waved back, forcing myself to smile. “Study hard, okay? And don’t forget what I taught you.”
“I won’t!” Yumi and Flora joined her in waving at me before their parents gently guided them toward the exit. I stood there until they disappeared behind the glass doors.
God knows how much I’m going to miss them. They didn’t just learn ballet in my class. They grew up in my hands.
I watched them struggle with their first positions, stumble during their first turns, complain about their sore feet, cry when they couldn’t get a step right, and smile proudly whenever they finally did.
I was there when they first learned how to point their toes. When they first learned how to balance. When they first performed in front of an audience. And now, just like that, they were leaving.
Not because they wanted to. But because life was taking them somewhere else. And maybe that was what growing up really meant. People leave. Places change.
And sometimes, no matter how much you want to hold on, you have to let them go. I took a deep breath and watched the cars slowly disappear from the parking lot.
One last week. That’s all I had left. One last week before I officially became unemployed. “Okay ka lang, Teacher Tabi?” I turned my head when I felt someone gently place a hand on my shoulder.
Teacher Joyce was standing beside me, looking at me with concern. I gave her a small smile and nodded. “Okay lang ako.” She didn’t look convinced. I glanced back at the empty lobby.
“This is how life goes on,” I whispered. Then, before my emotions could betray me, I turned around and walked back toward my classroom.
The room felt different now. Quieter. Emptier. Almost unfamiliar. My eyes immediately landed on the boxes sitting on my table.
My teaching materials. My spare ballet shoes. The little decorations I had collected over the years. Photos of my students. A few handwritten notes they had given me.
Everything that once made this room feel like mine was now sitting inside cardboard boxes. All that remained on my table was my ballet manual. The same manual I had used countless times.
The pages were already worn from being opened and closed over and over again. Some corners were folded, and there were little notes written in the margins from years of teaching.
I ran my fingers over the cover. This was it. I picked it up and placed it carefully inside the last box. Then I looked around the room one more time. The empty ballet barres.
The mirrors. The wooden floor where countless little feet had danced. The room where I had spent so much of my new start.
I never thought I would be leaving like this. Not after choosing to. Not after finding something better. But because the decision had already been made for me.
I closed the box and let out a long breath. “I guess that’s everything.” I carried the boxes together with me, each step feeling heavier than the last. After this, there was nothing left for me to do except go home.
Wait one more week. Wait for my final salary. And figure out what I was going to do next. I sat down for a moment, staring at my hands.
Then reality hit me all over again. No job. No stable income. A child to raise. Bills to pay.
And Little Manong’s needs couldn’t simply wait because of his condition.
Ito na ako ngayon.
Single mom. Unemployed. Big responsibility. And, of course, my bank account was probably somewhere in the corner crying with me.
I almost laughed at the thought. Almost. Because honestly, what else could I do?
Cry? I had already done enough of that. Tumayo ako ng tuwid, grabbed the last box, and looked at the studio one final time.
“Okay, Tabi,” I whispered to myself. “One week.” One week before I had to face whatever came next.
And for the first time, I realized that maybe the hardest part wasn’t losing my job. It was not knowing what kind of life was waiting for me after it.
Umuwi ako ng bahay nang mas maaga. Babalik na lang ako sa school mamaya para sunduin si Little Manong, pero for now, I have to figure out kung saan ko isisiksik ang mga gamit na ito sa maliit naming tirahan.
Hindi naman kalakihan ang bahay namin. Halos bawat sulok may gamit na, at bawat espasyo, may kanya-kanyang purpose. Kaya habang nakatayo ako sa gitna ng sala, nakatingin sa mga boxes na dala ko, parang lalo akong na-pressure.
Ayaw ko rin namang ipakita ito na basta na lang nakakalat dito. Siguradong mapapaisip si Little Manong kapag nakita niya ang mga ito. Ayokong dagdagan pa ang mga tanong na baka hindi ko rin naman kayang sagutin.
Kaya pumasok ako sa kwarto at kumuha ng upuan para tungtungan. Maingat akong umakyat at isa-isang inilagay sa ibabaw ng aparador ang mga boxes. Mabigat ang bawat isa, pero mas mabigat yata yung dahilan kung bakit kailangan kong itago ang mga iyon.
When everything was finally out of sight, bumaba ako at ibinalik ang upuan sa gilid. For a moment, I just stood there. Tahimik ang buong kwarto.
I sat on the side of the bed, my hands resting loosely on my lap, while my eyes stayed fixed on the ceiling. Wala akong ginagawa. Wala rin akong gustong gawin.
Parang biglang naubusan ng laman ang utak ko.
Ang daming nangyari. Ang daming kailangang isipin. Ang daming bagay na kailangan kong ayusin, pero kahit isa sa mga iyon, hindi ko kayang hawakan ngayon.
I tried to think of what I should do next, but nothing came. Kasi walang tumatakbo sa isip ko ngayon. And somehow, that scared me more.
Hindi ako makapag-isip nang tama. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako magsisimula, kung ano ang dapat kong unahin, o kung tama pa ba ang mga desisyong ginagawa ko.
Kaya nanatili lang akong nakaupo roon, nakatingin sa kisame, hoping that somehow, my mind would finally give me an answer.
Pero wala. Tahimik lang. At sa unang pagkakataon, hindi ko alam kung saan ko dadalhin ang sarili ko.
“Okay, okay, let’s take off our shoes before running inside the…?” I stopped mid-sentence and waited for him to finish it.
“The HOUSE!!!” he cheerfully shouted, throwing both hands in the air. I laughed softly. “Very good! But what do we do before we go inside?”
“Take off shoes!”
“Correct.” Sinunod naman niya agad ang utos ko. Umupo siya sa gilid ng pinto, then carefully took off his little black Converse shoes, one after another. He even struggled a little with the laces before finally pulling them off.
“Ito po, Mama!” he said proudly, holding up his tiny shoes for me to see. “Look! Black!”
“Yes, I can see that.” I smiled. “Very handsome shoes.”
“Like me?” me cute little pouty lips. I raised an eyebrow. “Hmm… maybe.”
“Maybe?! Mamaaa!” I laughed as he dramatically placed a hand over his chest, pretending to be offended. “Okay, okay. Very handsome. Happy?”
“Very happy!” He carefully placed his shoes on the shoe rack, making sure they were beside each other. “Pwede na ako pumasok po?”
“Opo, pwede na po.” The moment I gave him permission, he immediately ran inside. “Hoy! Slowly!” I called after him, laughing. “Sabi ko pwede ka nang pumasok, hindi pwede ka nang tumakbo!” He stopped in the middle of the living room and looked back at me.
“But Mama, I’m hungry!”
“Ah, so that’s why you’re running?” He nodded seriously. “My tummy is calling me.”
“Really? What is it saying?” He placed both hands on his stomach and made a funny face. “Mamaaaa… feed meee…” parang zombie pa ang boses na ginamit.
I burst out laughing. “Grabe naman. Ganyan na ba kalakas ang tummy mo?”
“Yes! Very hungry!” he answered.
“Okay, come here. Let’s eat.”
“Together?”
“Of course, together.” His face immediately brightened. He ran toward the small dining table and pulled out his chair. “Mama, opo!”
“Okay, but wait for me.” He obediently sat there, swinging his little legs underneath the chair while watching me prepare our food. “Mama?”
“Hmm?”
“Can I have the big spoon?” I looked at him. “Why do you need the big spoon?”
“Because I’m big now.” I tried not to laugh. “Oh? Since when?”
“Since today.”
“Ah, okay. So yesterday, you were small?” tanong ko. “Yes.” ang cute talaga. “And today?”
“Big boy po!” magalang nitong tugon. I smiled and handed him the spoon. “Okay, big boy. But big boys eat their vegetables.” His smile slowly disappeared.
“Oh ow.” I laughed. “What do you mean, oh ow?”
“I don’t like vegi-tables.” hahaha, vegi-tables. “Sinabi mo na yan kahapon, and today”
“Tomorrow?” He thought about it for a moment. “Maybe tomorrow I like it.”
“Wow. Convenient.” He giggled before taking his first bite. “Careful,” I reminded him. “Chew properly.” He nodded while chewing, then pointed at my plate.
“Mama, you eat.” tumango ako, “Opo.” sagot ko. “No, now.” I looked at him, amused. “Are you telling Mama what to do?”
He nodded confidently. “Opo. Because Mama needs to eat.” For a second, I simply stared at him. Then I smiled. “Okay, boss. Mama will eat.” He happily took another bite, his little legs still swinging underneath the table.
“Good girl, Mama.” I almost choked on my food. “Good girl?” He nodded proudly. “Yes. You listen to me.” I shook my head, laughing. “Okay, little boss. Finish your food first.”
“Opo, Mama!” And just like that, our little dinner continued two plates on a tiny table, silly conversations between every bite, and his contagious little laugh filling our small home.
“Mama, shower, wash wash na!!!” sambit niya pagkatapos kong magligpit ng pinagkainan namin. “Opo,” sagot ko, sabay ngiti.
Binuhat ko siya at dinala sa banyo. We both got into the bathtub and spent a few minutes playing with his favorite Mr. Duckling, na para bang hindi pa sapat ang buong araw namin para paglaruan iyon.
Pagkatapos naming maligo, binihisan ko siya at pinatuyo ang buhok habang nakaupo siya sa kama, busy na busy sa paglalaro ng Endless Reader sa tablet ko. I actually like that game for him. At his age, mabilis na siyang matuto, and he’s surprisingly mature for a kid who’s turning four soon. Kaya paminsan-minsan, I let him have some free time with my tablet, especially when he’s playing something educational.
I watched him quietly for a moment, smiling as he tapped the screen with such concentration.
“Okay, after one last game, we’re going to sleep na, ah?” paalala ko. “One last game lang. Stop na ang games pagkatapos.”
Tumango siya without even looking away from the screen. “One last, Mama.” I chuckled. “Promise?”
“Promise!” sagot niya, still completely focused on his game.
“Showbiz naman tayo ngayong gabi! Jerry, give us the latest trends!” Sumulyap ako sa TV sa hapan ko.
“Hello, Ginger! At siyempre, hindi magpapahuli ang ating mga kababayan sa balitang showbiz at sports dahil usap-usapan na naman ngayon ang ating Pinoy MMA fighter na si Ronan Cain Fierro!” I stop breathing for one moment after hearing that name again.
Hindi naman ako gulat na marinig ang pangalan niya sa tabi, sinubaybayan ko ang lahat ng ito.
“Another impressive win in Australia para sa tinaguriang Golden Champion of the Philippines! At ano pa nga ba ang aasahan natin mula sa ating pambato? Simula nang magsimula siyang lumaban sa international arena, tila hindi pa rin siya natatalo!” I’ve only seen him on the screen after everything.
Hindi niya ako sinubukan hanapin kaya agad kong inintindi na baka hindi na nga niya talaga ako kailangan sa buhay niya, but I never blamed him for that.
I was too much to handle and maybe he chose a life without me and I respect that.
But f*ck, I miss him.
“Walang kupas ang winning streak ng poging fighter na ito, kaya naman hindi na nakapagtataka kung bakit marami pa rin ang humahanga at sumusubaybay sa kanyang bawat laban, mula sa kanyang fighting career hanggang sa kanyang personal life.” he’s not achieving a dream. I’m so happy for him.
“At ngayon, matapos ang sunod-sunod niyang laban sa kanyang world tour, inaabangan na ng kanyang mga fans ang kanyang pagbabalik sa Pilipinas. That’s right! Ronan Cain Fierro is finally coming home after another successful international fight tour. Kaya naman, siguradong mainit ang magiging salubong ng kanyang mga supporters sa kanyang pagbabalik!” He’s coming back?
I stare at the television screen, unable to look away. There he is.
Standing in the middle of the ring, a faint bloodstain at the corner of his lips, his chest rising and falling heavily as the referee holds his hand up, announcing another victory.
The crowd erupts around him, and he smiles. Proudly looking at them as if he belongs there as if this life has always been his.
He looks familiar. Yet somehow, he feels like a completely different person to me now. I remember that face. God, how could I ever forget it?
Those eyes. That smile. The way he used to look at me. I miss him. More than I would ever admit out loud.
For a moment, I find myself wishing the television screen could somehow bring me back to the person standing on the other side of it. But it can’t. All I can do is sit here and watch him win from a distance, while pretending that my heart doesn’t ache every time I see him.
He looks happy. He looks like he has moved on, and maybe that’s what hurts the most. Because while he continues living his life, I am still here, quietly missing the man I once knew.
The man I loved. The man I still, somewhere deep inside me, haven’t learned how to stop longing for.
“From Australia to the Philippines, the Golden Champion continues his winning streak. Abangan natin kung ano pa ang susunod na laban at tagumpay para kay Ronan Cain Fierro!” hindi na ako nagsayang nag oras, I turn off the TV and finish drying my son’s hair.
“Ok, time is up, sleep time and enough with the tablet Mr.” I said and get the table from Little Manong, and binuhat na siya papasok sa kwarto.
I lay him in bed and niyakap ang maliit niyang stuffed toy habang inaantok na pinipikit-pikit ang mga mata. I smile then inayos ang kumot hanggang balikat niya. “Mama?”
“Yes po?” Tahimik siyang tumingin sa akin bago bahagyang ngumiti. “What is papa doing right now po?” Napahinto ako saglit.
There were questions that were easy to answer as a mother. Questions about dinner, school, toys, or tomorrow’s plans. But questions about his father were different.
I sat beside him and gently brushed his hair away from his forehead. “Papa is probably busy right now, anak.”
“He’s a fighter, right?” Gamit ang maliit na boses nito, kunot noo niya akong tinanong. As if he didn’t ask me this for one hundred times already. I smiled.
“Yes. Your father is a fighter.” sagot ko, habang inaalala ang litrato nito sa screen ng TV kanina.
“Nangaaway siya po?” Napatawa ako nang mahina.
“Opo, parang ganun pero hindi dahil galit siya, mas maiintidihan mo when you grow up a little bit pa, but you’re papa is great fighter, he’s living his life, doing what he needs to do.”
He thought about it for a moment, his little fingers playing with the edge of his blanket. “Kailan siya po magvisit sa atin, like Papi and Mamo?” My smile slowly faded, but I made sure he wouldn’t see the sadness behind it.
Hindi ko alam. Hindi ko alam kung kailan darating ang araw na iyon. Hindi ko alam kung handa na ba ang lahat para sa isang pagkikita na matagal nang hinihintay ng anak ko.
But I also knew I couldn’t take that hope away from him. I leaned down and kissed his forehead. “I don’t know when po,” His little face fell for a second. “But…” I continued, gently lifting his chin so he could look at me. “Dadating din si papa.”
“Talaga po?” I nodded. “Talaga.”
“Kailan po?” tanong nito. “Someday.” He smiled again. “Promise?”
I smiled back, even though my heart felt heavier than before.
“Promise.” He seemed satisfied with that answer. Maybe because children didn’t need all the complicated answers adults carried. Sometimes, they only needed to know that the people they loved could still find their way back to them.
“Good night po, sweet dreams mama.”
“Good night, Little Manong.” I kissed his forehead once more and tucked the blanket around him. His eyes slowly closed, and within a few moments, his breathing became soft and steady.
I stayed there for a while, watching him sleep.
My Little Manong, the little boy who had grown up with only stories about his father, yet somehow never learned to hate him.
And maybe that was my job as his mother, not to fill his heart with my pain, but to let him grow with hope. Someday, I knew he would meet him.
And when that day came, I wanted Little Manong to know that I never stopped believing it would happen.
CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR : BACK IN MANILA
“The beginning is always today.” — Mary Shelley
“It’s not ouchiee, Mama,” masiglang sambit ni Little Manong pagkalabas namin ng hospital. We just finished his monthly checkup.
Again, they took blood from his tiny arm, another vial for his CBC, another round of tests to check his hemoglobin, red blood cell count, and everything else his doctor needs to monitor because of his sickle cell disease.
They have to keep a close eye on his blood counts, especially because his condition can cause his red blood cells to break down faster than normal.
And here he was, walking beside me with a smile plastered across his little face, occasionally looking at the small cotton taped over the spot where the needle had been.
“It’s not ouchie, Mama,” he repeated, as if saying it enough times would make me believe him. I smiled at him. I tried to. “Really? Hindi masakit?”
He shook his head enthusiastically. “Nope! Little Manong is strong!” My heart cracked a little. Because I knew.
I knew exactly what it felt like to sit on that hospital chair, hold out an arm, and let another needle pierce through your skin because there was no other choice. I knew what it felt like to watch blood being drawn while pretending you were brave, even when all you wanted was for someone to tell you that you could go home already.
But for him, it wasn’t just about being scared of a needle. Every monthly visit was another reminder that his little body had to fight harder than it should.
The blood tests. The constant monitoring. The questions about whether he had been unusually tired, whether he had been drinking enough fluids, whether he had experienced pain, fever, difficulty breathing, or anything that might mean we needed to rush him back to the hospital.
I had memorized the warnings. I had memorized the things I needed to watch for. And sometimes, I hated myself for knowing them so well.
Because he was supposed to be worrying about toys, cartoons, and what snack he wanted after school.
Not his blood. Not his hemoglobin. Not another appointment. Not whether Mama was watching him closely enough. I looked down at him.
His tiny hand slipped into mine, warm and trusting. He was still smiling. Still trying so hard to convince me that he was okay. And that hurt more than seeing him cry ever could.
Because I knew he was only saying it for me. He knew Mama would worry. So my brave little boy decided to be brave for me, too.
I squeezed his hand gently, fighting the ache building inside my chest. “My brave baby,” I whispered. He looked up at me and smiled wider, and there it was again that smile that made me want to cry and smile at the same time.
I wanted to take every needle away from him. Every hospital visit. Every painful day. Every fear that came with his illness. If I could trade places with him, I would do it without thinking twice.
But I couldn’t. All I could do was hold his little hand, make sure he stayed hydrated, give him his medicines exactly as prescribed, watch for the signs his doctor warned me about, and be there whenever his body decided it was tired of fighting.
So I smiled back. Even when my heart was quietly breaking. “Let’s go home, Little Manong.”
“Yay! Can we have ice cream?” I laughed softly.
“Of course, para sa Little Manong ko.” And as he happily pulled me toward the car, I followed him with a smile.
Because if my baby was going to keep pretending that he wasn’t hurting. Then, for now, I would pretend I wasn’t hurting either.
Kaya namin ito.
I slightly glanced at the list of vitamins and medicines he would need for this month’s supply, my eyes slowly moving from one item to another until they landed on the total amount.
Napabuntong-hininga ako. Hindi ko maiwasang mapaisip kung saan ko naman kukunin ang lahat ng iyon.
Kulang ang natira kong sahod from last month para mabili ang exact brands at dosage ng bawat gamot na kailangan niya. I could always look for cheaper alternatives, pero alam kong may mga gamot na hindi ko pwedeng basta-basta palitan without asking his doctor first.
And that meant more money. More expenses. More things I had to figure out on my own.
I stared at the receipt for a little longer, trying to convince myself that somehow, I would find a way. Kaya namin ito. I had to keep telling myself that.
Until suddenly, Konah’s words flashed through my mind.
“May job offer ako sa’yo. Malaki ang sahod.” I closed my eyes for a moment. Malaking tulong iyon. Not just for me, but for my son.
A better salary could mean his medicines wouldn’t have to depend on what’s left in my wallet. It could mean I wouldn’t have to count every bill before buying his vitamins.
It could mean I could finally breathe a little whenever another hospital appointment came around.
But there was one problem. Manila. The job was in Manila. I looked down at the list in my hands, then slowly folded it and placed it inside my bag.
“Tabitha…” I swallowed hard. You have to think.
Can I really do this? Can I really go back to Manila?
The city I once left behind. The place where everything I had tried so hard to forget still existed. And more importantly.
Can I really go back to the place where he is?
Mas malapit sa kanya. I pressed my lips together, trying to silence the memories that were already beginning to surface. Maybe this job could save us.
Maybe this was the chance I had been waiting for. But what if saving my son meant walking straight back into the life I had spent years trying to escape?
I looked at Little Manong, who was happily sitting beside me, completely unaware of the war happening inside my head. For him, I could face anything. Even Manila. Even him.
But could I face myself when I finally saw him again?
Natatakot ako.
“Totoo ba ang narinig ko?!” malakas na sambit ni Mama mula sa kabilang linya.
Hindi ko maiwasang mapangiti nang marinig ang gulat at saya sa boses niya. I could almost picture her face right now, eyes wide, probably already imagining everything she wanted to prepare for our return.
“Opo, Ma. Totoong-totoo po. Babalik na kami ni Little Manong sa Manila. Sa makalawa,” sambit ko.
Sa tabi ko, tumatalon-talon naman si Little Manong habang hawak ang drumsticks na ipinaluto niya sa akin kanina.
He was happily making little beats against the sofa, completely unaware that his Mama had just made a decision that could change both our lives.
“I will tell this to your dad as soon as he arrives. Pabalik na siya. Siguradong matutuwa iyon! Also, papaayos ko na ang kwarto mo at ang kwarto ng munting prinsipe na—”
“Ma,” naputol ko sa kanya, natatawa nang kaunti. “Babalik kami diyan, pero pansamantala lang ho kaming maninirahan ni Little Manong sa mansion.” I took a small breath before continuing.
“Gusto ko ho sanang kumuha ng sarili naming bahay. Just for the two of us.” Tumahimik siya sa kabilang linya. Gaya ng sinabi ko sa sarili ko, I want to stand on my own. Ayoko nang umasa nang umasa sa mga magulang ko.
They had already given me more than enough. At this point in my life, gusto kong ako naman ang gumawa ng paraan para sa sarili ko at sa anak ko.
Ramdam ko ang pagkadismaya sa mahina niyang pagbuntong-hininga. “Ma…” malumanay kong sambit. Sorry, Ma. Ayaw kong maging malungkot kayo.
Pero kailangan kong panindigan ang mga pangako ko sa sarili ko. Na hindi na ako magiging pabigat sa mga magulang ko. Na kaya kong bumangon sa sarili kong mga paa. Kung nagawa ko noon, kaya ko ulit ngayon.
“Naiintindihan kita, anak,” mahina niyang sagot. “Pero pagbigyan mo kami ng Dad mo. Kahit isang buwan o dalawang buwan lang kayo dito sa bahay.” I couldn’t help but smile.
She sounded like she was begging for something so simple, yet so important to her. I shook my head, even though she couldn’t see me. “Fine,” natawa ako nang mahina. “Makakatanggi ba naman ako sa’yo?”
“Salamat,” mabilis niyang sagot. And I knew from the way she said it, genuinely happy siya.
Maybe more than I realized. “Ipapasundo ko kayo. Also, yung mga gamit niyo. Gusto mo ba pumunta ako diyan bukas para tulungan kitang mag-impake?”
“Hindi na po, Ma.” Umiling ako. “Damit lang din naman ang dadalhin namin. Wala naman ho akong balak bitawan itong bahay.”
Napatingin ako sa paligid. Our little home. Simple. Maliit. Pero puno ng memories naming dalawa.
“Babalik at babalik din kami ni Little Manong dito,” dagdag ko, smiling softly. “Ito ang tahanan naming dalawa.”
“Okay. Ipapasundo ko na lang kayo diyan. Excited na ako.” I smiled.
“Sige po, Ma. Magpahinga ka na ho. At papatulugin ko na rin itong batang makulit. Past bedtime na.” Napatingin ako sa batang nasa tabi ko. Ubos na ang drumsticks na kinakain niya, and the moment he heard the word bedtime, biglang nawala ang saya sa mukha niya.
Napatawa ako. “Alam mo na ibig sabihin nito.” I held up my phone, signaling that our call was ending. Dahan-dahan siyang bumaba sa sofa at tumango.
“Opo! Bedtime, sleep time!” masigla niyang sigaw bago mabilis na tumakbo papunta sa loob ng kwarto namin.
I shook my head, smiling as I followed him. “Slow down, Little Manong!” Nakarating ako sa room just in time to see him already waiting beside the bathroom.
I helped him brush his teeth, washed his little face, changed him into his pajamas, and tucked him beneath the blanket. Then came our usual bedtime story. His favorite one, of course.
I read it slowly while he listened, his little eyes growing heavier with every page. By the time I finished, his breathing had already become soft and steady.
I leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss on his forehead.
“Good night, baby.” He stirred slightly before whispering, “Good night, Mama. Sweet dreams.” I smiled and stayed beside him for a while, watching him sleep.
Tomorrow, I will start packing. The day after that, we’d be going back to Manila. Back to my family. Back to a life I had once walked away from, and somewhere in that city.
He was there.
I closed my eyes and took a slow breath. Wala nang atrasan ito, Tabitha. I had made my decision. For my son. For our future. And this time, whatever waited for me in Manila.
I would face it.
But please not him. Hindi ko pa kaya.
“Ito na ang huling sahod mo mula sa academy.” Inabot sa akin ng Dean ang isang puting sobre.
Alam kong hindi iyon gaanong kalaki kumpara sa kinikita ng ibang tao, pero sa akin, bawat perang laman nito ay katumbas ng bawat oras na ginugol ko sa loob ng ballet studio.
“Maraming salamat sa serbisyo mo, Teacher Tabitha,” patuloy niya. “Isa ka sa mga dahilan kung bakit nakilala ang academy natin sa larangan ng ballet. Kung hindi dahil sa’yo, hindi siguro napansin ng ibang schools sa Manila ang mga estudyante natin. You helped them reach the level of the ballet studios there.” I looked down at the envelope in my hands. My final salary. My last payment from the place that had somehow become more than just a workplace.
“Wala po iyon, Dean,” mahina kong sagot, forcing a small smile.
“Masaya po ako na may natutunan ang mga students ko mula sa talento na meron ako. And thank you rin po for giving me a chance three years ago.” Tatlong taon. Three years of early mornings and late afternoons. Three years of music playing inside the studio, tiny feet trying to follow the rhythm, little dancers falling and getting back up again.
Three years of watching them grow. “Kung hindi dahil sa academy na ito, hindi ko rin po siguro malalaman na kaya kong maging ganito kasaya sa pagtuturo,” dagdag ko. “At higit sa lahat, sa tatlong taon na nandito ako, kahit papaano, nakatulong po ito para matustusan ko ang pangangailangan ng anak ko.”
The Dean smiled. “I know, Teacher Tabitha. And you should be proud of yourself.” I nodded, but before I could say anything else, he reached for something on his desk.
“Siya nga pala,” sabi niya. “Ipinapabigay ito ng mga naging students mo sa’yo.” He handed me a small bundle of colorful papers. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. I slowly took them from his hands. Mga drawing.
Some were neatly colored. Some had crooked lines and uneven letters. Some were filled with hearts and stars. Others were clearly made by little hands that were still learning how to stay within the lines.
I looked at them one by one.
“You’re the best ballet teacher for me, Teacher Tabi.” — Daisy
“Teacher Tabi, my favorite teacher.” — Hannah Margareth
“Teacher Tabi, I will be like you when I grow up. I love you.” — Yumi
“Teacher Tabi is my idol.” — Torrie
And there were so many more. May mga drawing pa na kaming lahat ang laman. Me and my little dancers. Sometimes wearing ballet shoes. Sometimes standing on a stage. Sometimes holding hands.
One drawing even had all of us inside the studio with a giant, crooked heart above our heads.
I smiled. Then suddenly, my vision blurred. Hindi ko namalayan na tumutulo na pala ang luha ko.
I quickly wiped it away, but another one followed. I missed them already. God, I missed them. Napamahal na talaga sa akin ang academy na ito.
Hindi lang dahil dito ako nagtrabaho. But because this was where I found a part of myself again. This was where I watched little girls discover their confidence through ballet.
Where I learned that teaching wasn’t simply about correcting their posture or teaching them how to execute a step. It was about believing in them until they learned how to believe in themselves.
And somewhere along the way…
They taught me how to believe in myself, too. “I’ll keep these,” I whispered, looking down at their drawings. “I promise.” The Dean smiled warmly. “They’re lucky to have had you as their teacher.”
I shook my head. “No, Dean. Ako po ang naging lucky na naging teacher nila.” For a moment, neither of us spoke. I looked around the office one last time before stepping outside.
The familiar hallway greeted me. I could hear faint music coming from the ballet studio. My feet instinctively stopped. I turned toward the slightly opened door. The empty studio. The mirrors. The ballet barre.
The wooden floor where countless tiny feet had stumbled, danced, and learned. I could almost hear their laughter.
“Teacher Tabi!”
“Again, Teacher!”
“Look at me!”
“Did I do it right?”
A small smile formed on my lips. Then the tears came again. “Goodbye, little dancers,” I whispered.
I didn’t know if they could hear me. But somehow, I hoped they would. I placed my hand over my heart before finally turning away. “Maraming salamat po, Dean.”
“Take care, Teacher Jimenez,” he replied. “And wherever life takes you… don’t stop dancing.”
I smiled through my tears. “I won’t.” I stepped outside the academy, carrying my final salary in one hand and the colorful drawings of my students in the other.
I looked back at the building one last time. This place had given me a chance when I needed one. It had given me purpose when I thought I had lost mine. And for three years, it became home.
But now, I had to leave. There was no going back this time. No more looking behind me. I took a deep breath and started walking.
This time, I’m going back to where it all started. Back to Manila.
The moment our car entered the gates of the mansion, I felt my chest tighten. Manila. I was finally back.
After years of trying to build a life far away from this place, I was standing in front of the house where everything had once begun.
“Are we here, Mama?” Little Manong excitedly asked from the backseat. “Yes, baby. We’re here.” The car had barely stopped when I saw two familiar figures waiting by the front entrance. My parents.
Mama was already smiling from ear to ear, while Dad stood beside her, trying to look composed despite the obvious excitement in his eyes.
The moment the car door opened, Little Manong practically jumped out. “MAMO!” Mama immediately opened her arms. “Our Little Manong!” she exclaimed, laughing as she caught him in a tight embrace.
Little Manong giggled and wrapped his tiny arms around her neck. “I missed you, Mamo!”
“Oh, Mamo missed you more!” she said, kissing his cheeks repeatedly. Dad stepped closer, and Little Manong immediately stretched his arms toward him. “PAPI!” Dad’s face instantly softened.
“Come here, little man.” He lifted Little Manong into his arms, making the little boy laugh. “Papi! Look! I have my drums!”
“I see that. Did you bring the whole music store with you?” Little Manong shook his head seriously. “Just my drums.”
I laughed softly. And for a moment, I simply stood there and watched them. My parents. My son. My family.
Something inside me felt strangely warm. Maybe this was what coming home was supposed to feel like. Mama finally looked at me, and the smile she gave me made my eyes sting. “Come here, anak.”
I stepped forward, and she immediately pulled me into a hug. “I missed you,” she whispered. I closed my eyes. “I missed you too, Ma.”
“Welcome home.” Those two words hit me harder than I expected. Welcome home.
I swallowed the lump in my throat.
After all these years, I wasn’t sure if I still deserved to call this place home. But maybe I did. At least for now.
After we settled our things, I found myself standing in front of my old bedroom. I slowly turned the doorknob. The door opened with the same familiar creak. And suddenly…
I was eighteen again. The room looked almost untouched. The same shelves. The same vanity. The same curtains. Even some of the old ballet photographs were still displayed on the wall.
I stepped inside slowly. My fingers brushed against the edge of my old desk. Memories came rushing back. I remembered the nights I had locked myself inside this room.
The nights when I felt like I couldn’t breathe beneath the expectations placed on me. Perfect daughter. Perfect student. Perfect ballerina.
Everyone wanted me to be something, and I had spent so much time trying to become everything they wanted, that I almost forgot who I wanted to be. I looked toward the window.
That window. I remembered how many times I had stood there, heart pounding, before quietly slipping out of the house.
Sneaking away. Leaving behind the perfect daughter everyone thought I was. Just so I could become someone else for a few hours. Ruby. The Midnight Ballerina. The girl who danced under the midnight lights.
The girl who wasn’t afraid to be messy, reckless, imperfect. The girl who finally felt free. I closed my eyes. For a moment, I could almost hear the music again. My younger self runs through these halls.
The fear of being caught. The excitement of finally reaching the club. The stage lights. The mask. The feeling of becoming someone completely different, and then the guilt that always came afterward.
I opened my eyes. That girl felt so far away now. Yet somehow, she was still a part of me. “Hindi na ako ikaw,” I whispered to my younger self. I smiled sadly.
“But I understand you now.” A knock came from the door. “Anak?” I turned around.
Mama was standing there. “Dinner na. Come downstairs.” I nodded.
“Coming, Ma.”
The dining table was fuller than I had seen it in years. Mama sat beside Dad. Little Manong was between them, happily telling them about his drums while I sat across from him.
“Then Mama said bedtime,” he dramatically explained. Dad laughed. “So you actually listen to your Mama?”
Little Manong paused. He looked at me, then at Papi. “Opo.”
I raised an eyebrow. Dad laughed even harder. “That’s the most suspicious opo I’ve ever heard.”
“Papi!” Everyone laughed. I found myself smiling too. The food was simple but abundant, the table filled with dishes Mama knew I loved.
“Eat properly, anak,” she reminded me. “You’re too thin—” She stopped herself and simply smiled. “Just eat.” I nodded.
“Opo.” For the first time in a long time, I didn’t have to eat while calculating expenses in my head. I didn’t have to worry about whether there would be enough for tomorrow. I didn’t have to rush through dinner because there was another shift waiting.
I could simply sit there. With my family. With my son and eating. Little Manong suddenly reached for my hand underneath the table.
“Mama?”
“Yes po?”
“Home na tayo?” I looked at him. Then around the table, at my parents, at the house I once couldn’t wait to escape from.
And for the first time, I didn’t feel trapped. I squeezed my son’s little hand.
“Opo, Little Manong.” I smiled. “Home na tayo.”
“Hep, bakit may kasiyahan ng wala ako?!” napalingon kaming lahat sa pinto ng may nagsalita.
I smile wider than I could do.
Gosh, I miss her so much more than I realize.
“Konahrie!!!”
“Tabitha!!!”
