DESCRIPTION

Story Description

Eli doesn’t believe in love. To him, love only brings heartache, so he keeps things simple-hookups, no feelings, no attachments. He’s built his life around clean exits and unspoken rules, never staying long enough to want more. It’s easier that way. Safer. As long as he doesn’t let anyone get too close, nothing can hurt him.

Until he meets Cade. What starts as nothing slowly becomes something-late nights that turn into mornings, laughter that feels too easy, touches that linger longer than they should. Eli finds himself questioning everything he swore he’d never believe in, and the walls he’s spent years building begin to crack. Will Cade catch him before he runs, or will Eli choose fear over love-again?

DISCLAIMER

DISCLAIMER

THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION . Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are all products of the author’s imagination. Kung may pagkakatulad man ito sa totoong tao, patay man o buhay, businesses, lugar, pangyayari at insidente ay nagkataon lamang.

WARNING!

NOT SUITABLE FOR YOUNG READERS AND SENSITIVE MINDS. This book may contains strong and potentially offensive languages, highly explicit and excessive sexual activity which may disturbing to some readers.

It’s also contains grammatically incorrect and typographical errors. If you’re perfectionist and you wanted to read stories without mistakes, this book is not for you. Leave it alone!

READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

AUTHORʼS NOTE!

MATUTONG MAGHINTAY NG UPDATES. Hindi po ako robot na isang pindot lang, gagalaw agad. Every chapters, inaabot ng halos isa hanggang tatlong oras, minsan maghapon pa iyan kung matapos. May personal life ang mga writer, ’di lang pagsusulat. Kaya sana unawain ninyo iyon bago kayo mag-demand ng updates at sabihing ang kupad-kupad namin. Salamat!

©IthinkJaimenlove

PROLOGUE

Eli

“What was that?”

I looked at him while wiping my lips. Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay.

“What? Hindi ka ba satisfied?” tanong ko. Tumingin ako sa salamin na malapit sa pinto ng kaniyang banyo.

Inayos ko ang butones ng aking uniform at saka sinuklay ang buhok gamit ang aking kamay.

“Iyon na ’yon? Ayaw mo bang magpalabas man lang? Don’t you want me to f—” I cut him off.

“May klase pa ako. I don’t want walking around school with cum on my ass. Kung hindi ka satisfied then find someone else to fuck,” sagot ko.

Tumingin ako rito. Ano nga ulit ang pangalan niya? Ah, basta. I don’t even know his department, better I don’t want to know.

Ngumisi ako. “Pasalamat ka, nilunok ko iyong sa ’yo kahit hindi naman kalakihan ’yan,” I said before leaving his room.

Mabuti na lang at wala masyadong tao sa hallway ng kanilang dormitory. Marahil ay na sa klase ang mga estudyante rito.

Mabilis akong naglakad hanggang sa malakabas ako ng building. Kinuha ko ang cellphone ko sa aking bulsa at mabilis na bi-nlocked ang lalaking ’yon.

“Baks, nandyan ka na pala,” Marina said when she saw him entering our room.

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Why?”

She pointed out on to my chair where I saw a bouquet of flowers and chocolates. Mabilis ko itong nilapitan at tiningnan ang note na nakalagay rito.

“To Eli, from?” basa ko habang nakakunot ang noo.

“Pagdating namin, nandyan na ’yan. Naks naman! May secret admirer ka?” She giggled. Tinulak niya ako ng mahina.

Nagsilapitan din ang ilan sa mga kaklase ko at nakiusyoso  rin.

“Sino kaya iyan?”

“Sana all kasing haba ng buhok mo, Eli!”

“Pahingi naman ng sikreto, et! Malapit na valentines baka naman!”

Ngumisi ako. “Wala akong pakialam kung sino man ang nagbigay nito. Pakitanggal ng mga ’to because I don’t want to see this on my chair,” sabi ko. “You guys can keep it,” I added.

Mabilis naman nilang pinag-agawan ang bulaklak hanggang sa tig-isa na sila ng hawak at nasa basurahan na ang wrapper nito maging ang wrapper ng chocolates ay naroroon na rin.

“Sa tingin mo, sino kaya nagbigay nun sa ’yo?” ani Marina habang kami’y kumakain.

Katatapos lang ng morning class namin.

“I don’t want to know,” sagot ko.

“Si Joshuan kaya?” Kumunot ang noo ko’t tumingin sa kaniya nang masama. She laughed at her own thoughts. “I mean guwapo siya, matangkad, tapos sabi-sabi, daks din daw.”

“Why do you think it was him?”

“Kasi nakatingin siya sa ’yo ngayon?” she answered and pointed his lips to someone from my behind.

Mabilis ko itong nilingon. Marina was right. Joshua, who is currently the reigning Mr. University was looking at me. Alam ko ang tinging ipinupukol niya sa akin dahil hindi lang isang beses ko itong naranasan. Napangisi ako.

Tumingin ako kay Marina. “Whatever, Marina. Kumain na lang tayo.”

“E sino nga sa tingin mo? Hindi ka naman kasi nagkukwento sa akin. We’ve been friends since first year!” she said, pouting her lips.

Napatawa ako at saka bumuntonghinga.

“Kahit sino pa ’yan, wala akong balak na jowain,” sagot ko.

Naramdaman ko ang pag-vibrate ng aking cellphone na mabilis kong dinukot sa aking bulsa. I immediately opened my message as I received a message from unknown number.

Message from unknown: Natanggap mo iyong flowers and chocos?

Eli: Who are you?

Tumingin ako sa likuran ko nang ma-send ko ang message ngunit nang makitang hindi naman hawak ni Joshua ang cellphone niya at nakikipag-usap lang ito sa kasama niya, napagtanto kong hindi siya ang nagbigay ng mga bulaklak.

Muling nag-vibrate ang cellphone ko.

Message from unknown: Someone who admires you.

Mabilis akong nag-type ng reply.

Eli: What do you want?

Message from unknown: Your ass, babe. Wanna hangout on my place later at 8pm?

Napangisi ako habang nag-ta-type ng reply.

Eli: Then I have fast and clean my ass?

“Ano’ng ngini-ngisi-ngisi mo riyan?” biglang tanong ni Marina.

Mabilis kong ibinalik sa bulsa ang cellphone ko’t tumingin ito.

“Bilisan mo na riyan, inaantok na ako,” I said instead of answering her question.

“Hindi ka ba nakatulog kagabi?” tanong naman niya, habang patuloy na inuubos ang natitira niyang pagkain.

“Nag-aral kasi ako,” sagot ko na lang.

Tumawa siya. “Sus! Nag-aral daw e 10 out of 40 ka nga sa quiz kanina.”

“Unlike you who got 6 out of 40,” mabilis kong pambabara na siyang ikinatawa namin pareho.

“So ano nga ginawa mo kagabi?”

“Wala, nanood lang,” sagot ko na lang nang matigil na siya sa pagtatanong.

Inubos na lang niya ang kinakain at saktong muling nag-vibrate ang cellphone ko.

Message from unknown: I like that. I’ll fucking eat that ass of yours.

4 PM nang matapos ang klase namin. I drove my car out of the parking as soon as I get in. Fifteen minutes later, nakarating ako sa building ng aking condo unit.

I lived alone. My mom was working abroad. Kaming dalawa lang. Hindi ko alam kung may kamag-anak ba kami dahil simula nang mamulat ako’y wala ni isa akong nakita sa kanila, only my mom knows but I don’t want to ask her.

Simula nang mag-high school ako’t makapag-college ay namuhay na akong mag-isa. At first, hindi ako sanay but later on, I learned to live on my own.

Experience is the best teacher, they say and I believe in that.

Pagpasok ko sa aking condo unit. Dinukot ko ang cellphone ko’t nag-type ng reply.

Message from unknown: I’ll satisfy you but I hope you can handle it.

Eli: Your dick should be big enough to handle my cravings.

I tossed my phone onto the sofa, stripped out of my clothes, and headed into my bedroom, where my bathroom is.

Kanina pa nag-iinit ang katawan ko. Kanina ko pa gustong matapos ang klase at mag-alas-otso ng gabi.

This morning wasn’t enough and was craving for more.

CHAPTER 1

SPG ALERT

Eli

NANG matapos akong maligo at maglinis. Nagsuot lang ako ng bathrobe at saka tinungo ang vanity table rito sa aking kuwarto.

Hindi sobrang laki at hindi rin sobrang liit nitong condo ko. It’s enough for one person. May maliit na walk-in closet ang kuwarto ko. Kompleto rin ako sa gamit.

Ginawa ko ang madalas kong ginagawa sa harapan ng vanity table ko habang nakaharap sa salamin. Nag-spray rin ako ng kaunting pabango malapit sa aking tainga, sakto lang upang hindi magkalasa ang balat ko mamaya.

Pumasok ako sa aking walk-in closet upang pumili ng susuotin. Nakita ko ang kabibili ko lang na jockstrap kaya ’yon ang isinuot ko. Sweatshorts naman ang ipinangtapal ko at saka ang mint green hoodie jacket ang pang-itaas.

Why? Do I really need to dress casual— when sooner or later, we’re going to strip each other?

Nang matapos akong maghanda’y lumabas ako ng aking kuwarto at tinungo ang mga nagkalat kong damit sa sahig na mabilis iyong pinulot isa-isa. Inilagay ang mga iyon sa washbag at saka mabilis na nilapitan ang cellphone ko.

Message from unknown: Hey, fck! I’m sorry. I have an emergency tonight. Let’s schedule our meeting tomorrow?

Napangiwi ako nang mabasa ko ang message nito. Mabilis din akong nag-type ng response.

Eli: No worries, but I’m surely busy with the following days.

Message from unknown: Sabihan mo ’ko kung kailan hindi ka busy.

Eli: To be clear—if it’s you, I’m busy. There won’t be a next time. Thanks.

At saka mabilis siyang bi-nlocked at dinilete ang conversation namin.

Sorry, babe, but there won’t be a next time. I don’t wait around for someone who had the chance and chose to decline me first or canceled. I know my worth, and I’m not putting my life on pause for indecision or convenience. If you missed it, that’s on you, some doors don’t reopen, they simply move on.

Hindi ako ang maghahabol. Wala ’yon sa schedule ko ang maghabol, maghintay, at higit sa lahat mag-please ng kung sino man.

Dahil sa inis ko’y mabilis akong bumalik sa aking kuwarto at nagpalit ng damit.  Kinuha ko rin ang susi ng aking kotse’t lumabas ng aking condo nang masigurong dala ko lahat ng kailangan ko. Pero wallet lang naman talaga ang kailangan ko dahil nandito ang pera’t card ko.

Sumakay ako sa aking kotse’t mabilis na tinungo ang malapit na bar malapit sa condo. I went inside and immediately ordered a drink on the counter.

“The usual, please,” I said to the bartender. Kilala na ako nito at alam na nito ang lagi kong ino-order na inumin.

“On it, sir,” aniya at mabilis na kinuha ang mga drinks na na sa likuran niya’t pinaghalo-halo ang mga iyon sa harapan ko.

Tumingin ako sa paligid. Currently, there is a live band singing on the stage. People here were busy with their friends. Ako? Nandito sa counter, nakaupo’t mag-isa. Hindi ko naman puwedeng tawagan si Marina dahil for sure, hindi iyon papayagang pumunta. Her parents were strict and she’s the only friend I have.

May mga iilang kaibigan naman ako sa Department namin pero hindi kami gaanong close sa isa’t isa unlike Marina na palagi lang nakasunod sa akin. Nakakasama lang ’pag may group projects o kaya’y sa iisang klase kami.

“You drink, sir,” ani ng Bartender na pumukaw sa atensiyon ko. Kaya mabilis ko itong nilingon.

“Thanks.” I smiled at him. Sumipsip ako ng kaunti sa inumin ko na agad humagod sa lalamunan ko ang tamis na may kaunting pait sa dulo.

Hindi naman ’to nakakalasing. Wala rin akong balak maglasing. I’m just here to do something else. Ayokong magsayang ang ginawa kong paghihirap kanina sa banyo para lang i-cancel ang plano.

Besides, my whole body is burning.

“Whiskey on the rocks, please,” a voice beside me said—deep, steady, and unhurried.

Hindi ako lumingon dito. Nanatili ang tingin sa aking baso na marahan kong hinahalo-halo gamit ang metal straw nito.

“First time here?” he asked, breaking the silence. His tone was casual, but there was a weight to it, like he knew exactly how to draw attention without demanding it.

I shrugged, keeping my eyes on my drink.

“Something like that.”

He chuckled softly, a low sound that seemed to linger. “Not the type to mingle, huh?”

I smirked, finally letting my gaze flick to him—a stranger, yet already unsettling in the way he leaned slightly closer, just enough to suggest curiosity without overstepping.

This was the first time I met this person. Kasi karamihan sa mga pumupunta rito’y palagi kong nakikita kapag pumupunta rin ako rito. Hindi naman kasi gano’n kalaki itong probinsiya namin.

His eyes met mine, dark and assessing, and I felt the faint pull of… something.

“Or maybe,” he said, tilting his head, “you just haven’t met anyone interesting yet.”

A strange heat ran through me. I wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol, the burn in my body, or the way his presence seemed to reach into a part of me I didn’t usually show. Either way, the air between us had shifted, subtle and electric, like a spark waiting for permission.

I know this look. Kaya mas lalong lumaki ang ngisi sa aking labi.

“Well it’s true, I’ve never met someone interesting pero ika nga nila, palay ang palaging lumalapit sa manok.” Napatawa siya sa kasabihang nabanggit ko.

“Your place or mine? What’s your preference?” he asked, dark eyes fixed on me in a way I didn’t fully understand.

Sa paraan ng tingin niya’y para akong pinapaso. Pakiramdam ko’y mas lalong nag-init ang kanina pang nag-iinit kong katawan.

I took a slow sip of my drink, letting the ice clink in my glass, and bit my lower lip as I finally met his gaze.

“Mine,” I answered, steady, though my pulse betrayed me.

“Let me finish my drink first,” aniya.

And just like that, natagpuan ko ang sariling nakapatong sa kaniya habang nakapasok ang kaniyang pagkalalaki sa butas ko.

“Fuck! You’re so fucking tight,” ungol niya habang binibilisan ko ang pagtaas-baba ng aking pang-upo sa ibabaw niya.

“Ugh!”

I let out a shaky breath, leaning forward on the bed, my heart hammering.

“Please… ipasok mo ulit,” I whispered, the words barely audible but full of need.

I wanted more.

“Tangina! Ugh!” At muli niyang ipinasok ang kaniyang pagkalalaki. Marahan ang kaniyang paglabas-masok hanggang sa unti-unti niyang binilisan na siyang sinasalubong ko rin.

“Ugh!” ungol ko nang may matamaan siyang kakaiba sa aking loob.

“I’m cumming again!”

“Ugh please, buntisin mo ’ko!”

Mas lalo niyang binilisan ang paglabas-masok hanggang sa tuluyan niyang isinagad. I could feel his manhood throbing as he let out his load on to the condom he’s wearing. Nanatiling nakapasok ang kaniyang pagkalalaki sa loob hanggang sa nailabas niya lahat.

He pull his manhood, removes the condom and tied it, toss it on the floor. Humiga siya sa aking kama.

Malalalim ang hiningang ginagawa niya habang nagtaas-baba ang kumikintab niyang dibdib dahil sa pawis, kahit na malamig naman dito sa aking kuwarto.

Humiga rin ako sa tabi nito at tumingin sa kisame. Malalim din ang ginagawang paghinga at hindi ko namalayang nakatulog ako dahil sa pagod.

I couldn’t remember everything. But I know what exactly what we did. It was the best sex I’ve ever had in my life.

Nagising ako dahil sa alarm clock ko. Mabilis ko itong pinatay. Kumunot ang noo ko nang makitang maayos na nakatupi ang damit ko, malinis ang aking kuwarto, at nakakumot din ako.

And I couldn’t find the guy from last night, didn’t know even his name.

CHAPTER 2

Eli

It’s been a week since that night happened.

A week, yet my body still reacts as if it were yesterday-like memory has learned a new language and decided to speak through my skin.

I tried to be logical about it. I told myself it was nothing. That I’ve had nights like that before, moments that burned bright and fast, then disappeared without even leaving ash. I’ve always been good at that. Detachment. Clean exits. No names that linger too long in my mouth.

Baka marahil sadyang mataas lang ang init ng katawan ko ng gabing ’yon? Because that fcking-whoever-he-is canceled his plan.

Pero bakit ganito? Gusto ko ulit siyang maramdaman.

Nagkibit balikat na lang ako. Nababaliw na marahil ako.

“Nangyayari sa iyo?” Marina asked. Kunot-noo ako nitong tinitingnan na para bang may question mark na malaki sa kaniyang harapan.

“Wala,” sagot ko at saka ibinalik ang tingin sa librong nakabuklat sa aking harapan.

Na sa library kaming dalawa, vacant, and she decided to kill the time here. Isang oras pa naman bago ang klase namin mamaya.

I pretended to read.

Sinubukang basahin ang mga salitang ni isa’y hindi pumapasok sa aking isipan dahil ang tarantado kong isip ay nagbabalik tanaw sa gabing ’yon.

Memory is cruel like that. It doesn’t ask permission. It doesn’t knock. It simply enters and rearranges everything, leaves fingerprints where there shouldn’t be any.

I exhaled slowly, closing the book just enough to slip a finger between the pages-marking my place even though I knew I’d have to reread everything again later.

At saka, bakit ba ’tong libro ang binabasa ko e hindi naman namin ito subject sa department namin!

“Hindi ka talaga okay,” Marina said, this time softer and I could sense she’s worried about me. “Kanina ka pa tulala, simula pa nung first subject natin. Ano bang nangyayari sa ’yo?”

Tumingin ako sa kaniya. Nakakunot pa rin ang kaniyang noo. She was leaning back on her chair, arms crossed, eyes studying me the way she always did when she knew I was lying.

“Okay lang ako,” I insisted, but my voice lacked conviction.

“Weh? E kanina ka pa nakatingin sa page na ’yan,” aniya habang nakataas ang isang kilay.

“So? E slow reader ako,” I countered.

“Slow reader pinagsasabi mo e ang bilis mo kayang magbasa! Mabilis mo ngang nabasa iyong text message na natanggap ni Janine, e. What was it again?”

“ Sex tayo after class? “ pag-uulit ko at saka ngumisi.

Pareho kaming natawa nang maalala namin ’yon. Well, she’s right. Mabilis kong nabasa iyon. Kung bakit ba naman kasi naka-full brightness ang cellphone ni Janine tapos ang notification niya’y nakikita ang preview kahit na naka-lock ang phone nito.

“So ano nga, Eli? Ano’ng nangyayari sa’yo? May bumihag na ba sa puso mo?” she asked, smirking and eager to know the truth.

Umiling lang ako. What was I supposed to say?

Ah, yes. I met someone who was never supposed to matter, but somehow lodged himself under my skin like a splinter I can’t pull

out.

“Wala. Pagod lang ako,” sagot ko.

“Eli…” Seryoso siyang tumingin sa akin. “Kung may problema ka, sabihin mo sa akin. Kaibigan mo ’ko,” she said, sincerity were seen all over her face.

Ngumiti lang ako at marahang tumango.

Silence settled between us again, comfortable but heavy. Marina returned to her boom, while I reopened mine as well-this time actually trying.

But then it happened.

The smallest thing.

The sound of footsteps.

Slow. Measured. Somewhere behind me.

My shoulders stiffened before my mind could even process why.

Ridiculous, I told myself. Don’t be stupid.

Then it hit me. That familiar scent of perfume-the kind that lingers, the kind my mind never seems to forget.

Mabilis ko itong nilingon at nakita ang isang papalayong pigura ng lalaki sa akin. Hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili’t mabilis na tumayo’t hinabol ito. Hinawakan ang kaniyang balikat upang siya’y pigilan.

“B-Bakit po?” tanong ng lalaking ngayon ko lang ding nakita. Confusion was plastered on his face.

Binitiwan ko ang kaniyang balikat. “I-I’m sorry. Akala ko iyong kakilala ko,” sagot ko.

Fck! Eli, you’re so stupid!

Tinalikuran ko siya’t mabilis na bumalik sa aking kinauupuan kanina. Naabutan ko si Marina na nakatingin na sa akin.

“May nangyayari talaga sa ’yong ʼdi maganda. May sumasapi ba sa ’yo, ha, Eli!”

But instead of answering her, I glanced at the wall clock and saw it was almost our next class.

“Next subject na,” sabi ko at mabilis na kinuha ang bag at niligpit ang librong binabasa ko.

Ganoon din ang ginawa ni Marina, na mabilis ding nakalimutan ang ginawa kong katangahan kanina.

Friday came anyway.

I returned to the bar house. Not because I needed a drink. Not because I had nowhere else to be.

But because there was a chance. A small one.

The place looked exactly the same. Dim lights hanging low, music settling into the walls instead of demanding attention. The kind of place people came to disappear in plain sight. I liked that about it.

Inilibot ko ang paningin habang ako’y na sa counter at umiinom.

Hindi ko alam pero may parte sa akin ang umaasa. Hoping that I would be able to see him again, but minutes passed, I saw no one.

Halos paubos na ang iniinom ko, ni anino’t amoy niya’y hindi ko man lang nakita’t naamoy. Ano ba’ng nangyayari sa akin?

Tumayo ako nang maubos ko na ang iniinom. Wala ng saysay pa para manatili rito. Ayaw ko rin namang sumama sa kahit na sino na hindi ko alam kung bakit.

I went to the parking lot, the night air hitting me like a reminder that I shouldn’t be here. My fingers fumbled with my car keys.

Then a voice broke the quiet behind me.

“So you came again. Who’re you looking for?”

I froze, the keys clutched in my hand.

I turned slowly. There he was-I don’t know his name. Calm. Unbothered. As if the dim parking lot lights and the scattered late-night cars were all part of his natural habitat. His hands were tucked into the pockets of his jacket, his head tilted just slightly, eyes catching mine with that same measuring curiosity I remembered from the bar.

“I-” panimula ko ngunit hindi ko alam kung ano’ng idudugtong ko’t nablangko na ang aking isipan. “Was hoping to see you again,” mabilis hanggang sa pahina na nang pahina kong sabi.

“Hoping to see me again?” There were smirked plastered on his face. Head tilting.

Gusto kong iikot ang mga mata ko dahil sa inis, inis sariling hindi ko maintindihan. Pinasok ko ang mga kamay sa bulsa ng aking jacket at saka umiwas ng tingin.

“Maybe. But don’t act like it’s a big deal,” I said. “Gusto ko lang magpasalamat,” I added.

“For what?”

Hindi ako makasagot agad. Bakit nga ba? Bakit naman ako magpapasalamat sa kaniya? Dahil ba napasarap ang tulog ko? Dahil ba masarap ang hagod niya sa loob ko?

“D-Dahil nilinis mo ang kuwarto ko?” unsure of what did I say. I heard him laugh. Kaya lumingon ako sa kaniya. “What?”

“Nothing. You’re just unexpected,” aniya.

The air seemed to thicken around us, charged by something neither of us wanted to name. I could feel it in the slight tilt of his head, the way his gaze didn’t flinch, the way he seemed to measure every detail about me. My instincts screamed at me to leave, get in my car, drive away, and forget this, but my feet refused.

“B-Bakit ka nga pala nandito?” I asked instead of asking for his name.

“A friend invited me,” he answered.

Napatango-tango lang ako. “Uhm. I should go,” ani ko. Tatalikod na sana ako ngunit bigla siyang nagsalita.

“I’m Cade by the way.”

Hindi ko maintindihan pero biglang sumilay sa aking labi ang mga ngiti.

“Eli. Nice to meet you,” sabi ko habang iniaabot ang kamay ko sa kaniya.

Mabilis niya itong inabot, tanda nang pakikipagkamay at pakikipagkilala. His hand were rough but I could feel his gentleness while he’s holding mine. I saw him smile.

“I’m free this Sunday evening, wanna hangout?” he said, suddenly.

“I’d love to. Just knocked on the door,” na siyang sinagot ko bago siya nagpaalam na papasok na sa loob.