AUTHOR

Hello, guys!

So, basically… I’ve changed the cover of this one, that’s why I am going to post each chapter again.

They contain just the same words plus, the other chapters that have not been posted yet.

That’s it!

I hope you’re going to vote and leave some comments on each chapters.

Thanks! 😘😜

INDEED

Indeed…

Indeed, love is unpredictable. It may be a nice feeling at first but not at the end once you’ve encountered certain circumstances that will test it-but at the end of the day, only you can tell if it’s really nice or not. The point is, don’t always use your heart, you sometimes need to use your mind.

PEOPLE & LOVE

People & Love

People do get deceived by people but what’s worse is, they are easily deceived by love. Why? Cause they are even more blind than they are with people when it comes to love. They neglect the fact that they are being used and fooled, and what’s worst is that, they keep on welcoming it as if nothing have ever happened. Love is way more deceiving than people are.

ADMIT

Admit

Admit that you’re not strong, not weak. Admit that when important people around you are leaving, you’re looking for them. Admit that you are nothing without them. Admit that you are not perfect. Admit that you’re doing your best, but it isn’t enough. Admit that you’re trying everything so that somehow, they’ll be happy.

In this world, you’re not weak nor strong. You’re not perfect. You cry, you laugh. You feel sadness, you feel happiness. You feel disappointments.

You do lots of mistake, learn from them. You try to be strong each and every day.

Admit, just admit that you’re just a human being: you’re fragile.

ADMIT, IT WON’T MAKE YOU LESS OF A PERSON.

WHAT IF?

What if?

What if I didn’t do anything? Will there be changes? What if I didn’t talk? Will they still be angry? What if I didn’t hold back? Will there be peace? What if I didn’t let my heart feel any single feeling? Will there be love? What if I didn’t let my eyes open? Will there be light? What if I didn’t persuade? Will they act? What if I didn’t let myself be strong? Will there be anyone standing on their own? What if I didn’t change? Will I be me now? What if…

LET’S PLAY PRETEND

Let’s play pretend

Pretend that we’re okay where in fact, we’re not. Pretend that we love what we do, but the truth is it’s against our will. Pretend that everything is going to be okay, though we know it’s not going to be. Pretend that we love what we see, when we actually hate it. Pretend that we’re smiling but inside, we’re crying. Pretend that we’re in a good situation where in fact, we’re all messed up. Pretend that we don’t care but the truth is, we really do. Pretend that it doesn’t hurt, but it sure does. Pretend that there’s always someone for us, but we already know that there’s none. Pretend that we’re contented but we actually want more. Pretend that we want it where in fact, we really hate it. Pretend, let’s play PRETEND…

HOW EASY IT IS?

How easy it is?

How easy it is to forget someone who’s very dear to us? How easy it is to regret when you know you never did your best? How easy it is to smile when you know it’s not okay? How easy it to be angry at someone who just did is to make you happy? How easy it is to judge someone when you’re just the same? How easy it is to hurt a person who loved you the most? How easy it is to treat somebody so bad when that somebody is being so nice? How easy it is to act someone that you’re not? How easy it is? How easy?

SHIT… AFTER ALL

Shit… After all

I thought I forgot. I thought I don’t have it anymore. I thought I’m okay. I thought everything is fine. I thought I won’t feel it. I thought I won’t miss her. I thought I’ve moved on. Shit! I’m wrong. I thought that that my feelings for her already faded away but not. I just suddenly remembered her. I just suddenly felt the urge to see her. I just suddenly felt that my heart pounded. Shit! After all, I’m just concealing it. Shit! After all, I’m still not over her. Shit… after all.

MEMORIES

Memories

We cherish them, really. They’re important to us. Some of them are happy, some are not. Some are unforgettable, some are horrifying. We’ve been keeping them, cause they’re important. Memories of our childhood, memories of friends, memories of school, those are examples. Achievements, trials, first attempts, heart breaks, win, lose, and many more. Memories you regretted, you taken for granted. We laugh when we remember them, we also cry. Memories are priceless, they can never be erased.

Maybe, some of them are slowly fading away but still, fragments of them will remain. They’re the cause of our struggles, caused by people we’ve been surrounded with. As we grow, as we learn, as we mature, maybe, we will find it cliché and will say to ourself, “woah, did I do this?” We will miss each one of them. We will smile, we will cry, again. We will wish that we can go back just so we can feel or undo some of them.

In the end, we will just sigh, thinking that they memories that we cannot feel or undo. They are memories which we will live on with. Memories that we will treat as our own little treasures.

DISAPPOINTED

Disappointed

I believed that everyone around me is up to something good. Believed that all they want is nothing but friendship. Believed that what they’ve shown me was real, genuine. Believed about their smiles, though they looked vile. Believed that their intentions were pure, though they were tainted.

I believed, yes I did. After all, I’ve never done something bad to them. I returned all the favors. Did my best, though it seemed that for them it wasn’t enough.

They did a bad thing, I didn’t budge. I still smiled. I let it off, without second thought. I treated them the best, even though I know that they didn’t deserve it at all.

Those eyes, full of judgement. I let their hands touch me, though they were filthy. I didn’t say a single thing against them. I didn’t judge, didn’t criticize.

They repeated the bad things they did, and I, again, let it off. I believed to them. Believed that they will know their wrongs, mistakes.

But I was disappointed. Disappointed because, they didn’t. They denied. Pretended that they’re innocent. ‘Oh, God!’ I exclaimed. I didn’t know where did I go wrong. All I did was good yet what they gave me back was no good.

I was disappointed. Disappointed of them. Disappointed…

JUST FRIENDS

Just friends

I know that you know what are we. I’m your friend and you are mine, too. We’re close, like brother and sister. We share thoughts, we talk.

Don’t assume anything more than being a friend. I just want you to know that I’m happy of what we are now -friends. No, don’t show any feelings cause I know I can’t give them back.

We are just friends.

I hope you know that. I hate relationship. I hate commitment. I’m not into being sweet and being your knight shining armor.

Let’s just put it this way…

We have relationship, but only as a friend.

You know me, I don’t want to give you false hope.

I love you, as friend or maybe as a sister but that’s all.

I hate to break your heart but…

We can only be friends.

Why? Cause I know that when we become more than friends, we might fight. Fight about our differences. Argue over simple things. I hate conflicts. I hate to hurt you, in fact, I’m afraid to.

So, let’s just be friends. At least, I know that, when we’re friends, I can be there. I can support you.

Let’s be friends.

JUST FRIENDS…

That’s the only thing I know.

HINDI KO ALAM

Hindi ko alam

Hindi ko alam kung saan tayo patungo. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba talaga tayo. Hindi ko alam kung meron o wala ba. Hindi ko alam, hindi.

Hindi ko alam kung sino ang tanga at nakaka-unawa. Hindi ko alam kung sino ang taya at nawawala sa mundo na ating ginagala. Hindi ko alam kung tatawa o iiyak na. Hindi ko alam, hindi.

Hindi ko alam kung ako’y matutuwa o maluluha. Hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan pa ang pagpaparaya at pagdurusa. Hindi ko alam ang hangganan ng aking pasensya. Hindi ko alam kung ako ay mag-aalala o mawawala. Hindi ko alam, hindi.

Ang dami kong hindi alam, oo. Hindi ko alam kung may saysay ba ang aking ginagawa. Hindi ko alam kung may paki ka ba sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung totoo ang aking hinala. Hindi ko alam kung sana ako patungo. Hindi ko alam kung hihintayin pa ba kita. Hindi ko alam, hindi.

Hindi ko alam kung ako ay iyong mapapansin. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang iyong damdamin. Hindi ko alam kung ang mga mata at ngiti’y palalamlamin o pasisiglahin. Hindi ko alam, hindi.

PAKI SABI NALANG

Paki sabi nalang

A/N: This story was put in one of my stories already but that story is going to be deleted, so ipinost ko ulit dito.

My story about my crush. Up to now, crush ko parin siya. Sadnu? Haha

…

Ako nga po pala si O, di tunay na pangalan ko. Ise-share ko lang po ang bitter na love story ko.

Oo

, love story ko kasi wala naman at hindi

magiging

kami.

It all started this month.

September, 2015.

Maganda siya… puti, masarap kausap, medyo di matangkad. Katunayan, hanggang baba ko lang ata siya, if I am not mistaken. But totally, maganda siya.

Selfie buddy, one of my best friends. Yan ang tawag ko sa kanya. Close kami, close. Her name pala is Dors (not her real name).

Naryan at nagse-selfie pa nga kaming dalawa. “Bes” yan ang tawagan namin. Una, wala man yung ‘love’ na nararamdaman kasi, alam niya, actually all of them, alam na may crush ako. Si Michell.

But then again, you can never tell kung kailan mo mararamdaman ang love. ’Di ko rin naman inakala na mai-in love ako sa kanya.

Espren

kami eh.

Many days have passed, then, mas naging close pa kami. May BFF ako, si Margie (not her real name) yun, siya talaga yung close ko, pero pansin ko na mas naging close kami.

Then, one time, nagpasya ang barkada na mamasyal, sa isang park. Maganda ang place, lots of good views, trees, other stuff as well as people. Nang maka-upo na kami, nagsimula nang mag-picture yung mga barkada namin.

Tas yung isa naming barkada, biglang sinabi na, “uy, lam mo O, bagay kayo ni Dors!” Tas sinabi niya pa yun sa iba, naging tampulan kami ng tukso. Syempre, ako, iiling naman, at matatawa. Wala nga eh, no feelings.

Naulit pa iyon, ng

maraming

beses

. At gaya nang ginagawa ko, umiiling at tumatawa lang ako lagi.

Pero one time, I don’t know what really happened, pero bigla nalang kumabog yung dibdib ko nang tuksuhin kami ulit. Pero, I didn’t entertain it. Hindi nalang ako nagsalita.

As days pass, alam kong kahit wala akong sinasabi, mas tumitindi iyon. I really don’t know, pero ang lakas nang pagkabog ng dibdib ko.

Nandyan, pag tinignan ko yung mga pictures namin together, yung naka-smile, naka-akbay ako sa kanya at naka-hawak naman siya sa kamay ko.

God, is this for real? I said to myself. Ano ba ’to? Ni sa first ko, ’di ko man na-feel ’to… I mean, oo, mahal ko yung una ko, pero iba

’to,

iba

’to.

Then, sinabi ko sa mama ko’t kuya ko na manliligaw ako, tas kung okay lang ba. Sabi naman ni Mama, “bakit ’di mo ligawan” napa-ngiti naman ako. I even asked my twin brother on how to court, kasi alam ko, na nagkaroon siya ng maraming gf unlike me.

Sabi naman niya “tanungin mo” tumango nalang ako. Then, after that, sinabi ko nga sa mga barkada ko na “oo, oo na” natuwa naman sila. After that, they said na “bakit ’di mo pa ligawan?” Sabi ko naman “nahihiya ako, tyaka baka ma-reject lang ako. Ayaw kong maramdaman yun”

Yes, I am afraid of being rejected. Kaya, ayaw ko muna siyang ligawan. Yes, I know, mahal ko na siya. Pero, ewan. Basta.

…

Edi bumalik na naman kami sa park na yun, tas yun, balak ko sana na tanungin ko na siya kung pwedeng manligaw ’cause I finally made up my mind. Pero, again, nawala bigla yung courage ko. Kaya, in the end, yung barkada ko yung nagtanong.

Sabi nila, hindi daw siya sumagot. I really didn’t mind it. Pero sabi nila, “maghintay ka lang, bes” again, tumango na naman ako.

Not knowing na on the next days, may magugustuhan na siyang iba.

…

Nasa dorm daw sila, tapos, nakilala niya yung lalake, name niya is Emman (not his real name) maputi, halos kasing tangkad ko, may hitsura at mayaman.

Syempre, yung barkada namin, bilang siya yung may ari ng dorm, ipinakilala niya yung mga nagdo-dorm sa kanila. Mukhang nagka-igihan naman sila.

So, ayun, naging close sila, tas one day, malalaman ko nalang na ka-chat na pala siya ni Dors. At mukhang nagugustuhan na din niya siya.

…

Isang araw, nasa dorm kami, tas yun, nili-link silang dalawa. Ako, wala. Tahimik lang, nagmamasid. Pero,

ano

’to? What is this that I am feeling inside?

Days went fast, mas naging close sila. Halata naman sa galaw at pangyayari. Naryan at inahatid ni Emman si Dors. Tas, sabay pa silang kumakain. I didn’t mind it though. Really.

Ayun, hanggang sa in love na nga si Dors. Sinabi niya na magka-text at magka-chat na sila. Na gusto na niya siya, habang ako, tahimik lang na nakikinig sa mga sinasabi niya.

Lagi lang akong tinititigan ng mate ko, si Rech (not her real name) kasi, alam niya yung feelings ko. I will just smile at her and will say “okay lang” kahit na hindi naman talaga.

…

It was a sunny day, nang magyaya yung barakada namin na mag-videoke, kasi, she wants to hear our President to sing “Love On Top”. Kami naman, bilang hindi KJ at marunong kumanta ng konti, ay umo-oo naman kami.

So… ayun na nga, nasa parang isang canteen kami, may dalawang parts siya. Yung isa for singing, dun kami pumunta at yung isa, for the customers who want to eat.

We started. We picked a lot of songs, then pipindutin yung numbers at mag-start ng magkanta. Hindi nga pala namin siya

kasama, kasi humiwalay silang dalawa ni Emman, kakain daw silang dalawa.

Siguro, mga halos isang oras din yun nang dumating sila. Patuloy parin kami sa pagkanta. Sila, pumunta sa may likod.

I don’t know, but I am always looking at the back. Lagi ko silang nakikita, naka-tawa. Masaya, parang may sariling mundo tas babalik na naman ako sa pagkanta.

Ewan, pero ang daming beses kong ginawa yun.

Tas, later, nagtanong si President sa akin. Lumipat kasi ako ng pwesto nun. Malapit sa kanya, kasi nagyo-yosi ako.

Yes, at alam ni Dors yun. Madami kasi kaming nagyo-yosi sa barkada.

Akala ko kung ano na yung itatanong ni President sa akin, pinalapit pa kasi niya ako. Ako naman, lumapit.

Sabi niya “bes, mahal mo?” Ako naman, bilang nagulat, hindi ako kaagad naka-sagot. Inulit naman niya, saktong lumapit sa amin si Rech, tas, sumagot ako sabi ko “oo” ayun, ngumiti naman sila.

Tas, inulit pa, tumango ako. That moment, I don’t know, pero nalungkot ako. I even said na “maiiyak na ata ako, haha” tumango naman sila.

Tas, ayun, President had this idea. Ikanta ko daw yung kanta ni Aiza na “pakisabi nalang” so ako naman, tumango lang at umiling habang natatawa.

Pagkatapos kong i-reserve yung kanta sa videoke, umupo ako ulit sa tabi nilang dalawa. Tas, kinausap ulit nila ako, ako naman, ewan ko ba, pero tumingin na naman ako sa likod.

Tas ayun, napatingin din si President sa akin, then, inawat niya ako. Sabi niya “wag bes, wag mo nang tignan” tas pilit niyang inaalis yung tingin ko sa dalawa.

Sinunod ko nalang siya. Kasi, that was the time, na alam ko, WALA NA. Mahal ko na siya, pero wala na. I was too late. Mahal na niya kasi si Emman. At masaya na sila.

Niyakap ako ni Rech at sinabi niya na “ihhh… okay lang yan” with an apologetic smile. Tumango lang ako at niyakap siya pabalik.

I am sad, lonely. When the music started to play, kinanta yun ni President kasi, ni-request ko na siya nalang ang magkanta, kasi hindi ko kaya.

Bawat lyrics, ramdam ko. Hindi ko alam, pero parang daig ko pa ang namatayan dahil sa lungkot na nararamdaman ko.

Si Rech naman, nakikita na titingin ulit ako sa kanila, niyakap niya ako at sinabi na “wag na” wala na akong nagawa. Tumango nalang ako.

Sa bawat paglitaw ng lyrics sa monitor, sinasabayan ko yun lalo na yung

“

pakisabi

nalang

na mahal ko

siya

, di na baling may mahal

siyang

iba

“

yun, sinisigaw ko iyon.

Kahit na alam kong hindi niya alam na yung song na yun is for her. Napangiti ako, pero pilit. Tinitignan lang ako nila Rech at President. Sabi ko naman sa kanila “okay lang” though hindi talaga.

After that day, mas naging malinaw ang lahat…

MAHAL KO NA SIYA, MAHAL NA TALAGA. OO, MAAARING LATE NA, PERO MAHAL KO SIYA.

Sabi ko nga sa sarili ko… just when I’m about to tell her, dun pa

siya

na

nagkaroon

ng

bagong

minahal

.

…

So, ayun lang po. Ngayon, Dors and I are still friends —even Emman and I ( it’s a cliché, right?). Oo, masakit man, pero wala naman akong magagawa. Ngumingiti nalang ako kapag nakikita ko silang dalawang magkasama.

Kasi, alam ko na wala na akong magagawa. Ganito nalang talaga. Umiiling nalang ako kapag inaasar pa kaming dalawa, ayaw ko kasing ako ang pagmulan ng gulo.

Tyaka, okay na silang dalawa. Emman seems to love her, just like how Dors loves him. I am contented with that. At least, alam ko na mahal siya ng mahal niya. …

That would be all. Thanks for reading my story. Again, this is O. Thanks!

I LOVE YOU,

DORS

!

NANGANGAMBA

Nangangamba

I. Isang malalim na gabi, Kung saan katahimikan ang namumutawi, Mga namimigat na talukap ng mata, Ay hindi ko ma-isara.

II. Ako’y may ini-isip, Ito’y hindi panaginip, Ingay, kaluskos, langitngit, Sa aking tenga ay lumalapit.

III. Hindi mapakali, hindi mawari, May damdaming sumisidhi, Hindi pag-ibig, kundi takot, Takot na maaaring maging bangungot.

IV. Ngayon, mga mata’y dilat, Sa pagbukas, sila’y di ma-awat, Dahil sa takot ay nababalisa, Dahil kalooban ay nangangamba.

BETTER THAN ME

Better than me

He’s better than me, and I hate that.

Everyone loves him for he does everything with confidence while I, on the other hand, his treated the other way around.

He received all the cares and understanding but me, I received judgements and criticisms.

He has the bright aura and positivity while I, have all the negativity.

I cried through thinking all of these, I smiled bitterly upon knowing these.

Why? Because we’re twins yet I feel, I’m alone. 😭

HEATHENS

Heathens

I know people and they’re not the kinds you’ll ever like.

They are unique and unpredictable.

Many say they’re horrifying but that’s what I like about them.

They do stuff you’ll never imagine people will do.

Menace and danger is written in their faces.

Trouble is what they want.

Pitfall is their surprise for you’ll be shocked and terrified by it.

Many say I’m crazy for hanging out with them.

They can’t blame me though cause, I feel free when I am with them.

They’re my friends, and we’re not the kind of group you’ll ever mess up with.

Heathens, that’s what we are.

Heathens, mark that word in your minds for we will create ruckus and we like destruction.

A/N: Na-inspire lang ako dun sa kanta ng 21 pilots. Haha

SULLIED

Sullied

I once created a perfect master piece.

One that screams perfection not the other way around.

A work of art and everything nice.

Created to please the other’s eyes and put a smile on their faces.

A work done that will surely be marked on everyone’s mind.

But then, you came…

You said it was indeed pleasing and nice.

That my work is one of a kind.

That it will surely be marked in everyone’s mind.

I was flattered and smiled of what you have said.

Then you smirked and I don’t know what’s that for.

Then, came the other day.

I woke up with a smile on my face and went to see my work.

I was shocked by what I saw.

My work! My work! My work!

What the hell has happened!?

Who would do such thing!?

My perfect master piece, my perfect master piece!

I cried and stumbled.

My work –my perfect work.

It was not the same like before.

Gone is the perfection.

It will never please other’s eyes and put a smile to other’s faces anymore.

My perfect work now is tainted.

My perfect work now is ruined and damaged.

Gone is the perfection for my master piece is now sullied.

SERENE

Serene

I love the look in your eyes, so peaceful.

I love being with you, cause you make me feel at ease.

My worries and doubts were gone.

My problems were banished.

I love how your soft and tender hands touch me.

It’s nice to hear your hearty and giggly laughs.

I’m in awe whenever I hear your soothing voice.

I always feel contented even though I have less.

You always make me feel wonderful and happy.

It feels like I’m inside a fairy tale –you’re my princess and I’m your prince.

I wish this would never last.

I wish that this feeling is forever.

Because I am calm and peaceful with you.

WHY DON’T YOU BE YOU?

WHY DON’T YOU BE YOU?

I once knew you as lovely, simple woman.

A person who was selfless and humble.

A person you can lean on and talk about something with.

A person who was transparent and reliable.

Then something has change and I guess it was not for the better of the good.

You started acting unusual. You became conscious. You became someone you are not.

You wanted things I know you don’t need.

You became distant that I almost don’t know you.

I tried to approach you but you won’t entertain me. I tried to talk to you but you won’t listen. I tried to understand but I couldn’t comprehend the sudden change that has happened to you.

Gone was the lovely, simple, selfless, and humble woman I know for she is now someone.

Someone who’s not being true to herself.

I am not mad but sad. I am not judging, I pity you.

You became hypocrite.

Why, is it because of your new found friends? Or is it because of the new found trends?

I don’t about your excuse! I demand the old and true you! I want her back!

Remove all of the ornaments on your body!

Erase the colorful make-ups on your face!

Pull out the facade you’re wearing.

Bring back the natural and real you for I am more comfortable with that.

Stop pretending to be someone you know you’re not.

Be who and what you are for I love you for who and what you are.

IF I RISK IT ALL…

If I risk it all

I asked my self these questions and no matter how I tried, I’m still not sure of what the answers are.

If I risk it all, would you be there to support me if I lose?

If I risk it all, how sure I am that it’ll actually work?

If I risk it all, what would I gain?

If I risk it all, will there be a difference?

And if I risk it all, would you take my fall?

You see, it’s just a matter of a yes or no for me yet, I’m still not sure of what would my answer be.

Why? Because I’m scared.

Scared that if I risk if all, I might lose everything that I have for nothing.

You can tell that I’m a coward and need to be brave but I just can’t.

I can’t because I’m scared that if I risk it all, no one would be there to catch me if I fall.

That if I risk it all, everything might go wrong and be gone.

Now, tell me, what will happen if I risk it all?

A/N: Vote, Share, and Comment!

UPUAN

Upuan

Minsan, ikaw ay aking nakasabay sa sasakyan.

Tumawa ka’t ginaya naman kita.

Mula noon tayo’y nagkapalagayan, lagi ang sabayan.

Una, inaya mo akong umupo sa dulo kung saan ika’y naging malikot at magulo.

Sunod ay sa gitna, kung saan tayo’y nagkatawanan.

Ngunit ang hindi ko makakalimutan ay ang pag-aya mo sa aking umupo sa harapan.

Pina-upo mo ako sa gitna at ika’y pumwesto sa may bintana.

Nagkibit balikat ako at hinayaan ang iyong gusto.

Ngunit ako’y may napansin, marami.

At alam kong mga iyon ay hindi ko makakalimutan.

Bakit?

Dahil, sa pag-upo mo malapit sa bintana’y marami akong nakita.

Nakita ko ang iba’t ibang emosyon sa mga magaganda mong mata.

Nakita ko ang labis na lungkot, na naging dahilan ng pagsimpatya ko.

Nakita ko ang galak, na siyang dahilan ng pagkatuwa ko.

Nakita ko ang iyong hapis nang minsang may madaanan tayong bata.

Nakita ko ang lahat, lahat.

Mula noon ay naging paborito ko ang pwestong iyon.

Sa pag-uwi’y doon ako umuupo at inaalala ang aking mga nakita.

Hindi man na tayo magkasabay ngayon ay tila kasama parin kita.

Kasamang naka-upo, masayang nakatingin sa mundo habang naka-upo sa upuang minsan tayo’y naging magkatabi.

SA ULAP

Sa Ulap

Ang sarap sigurong pumunta doon.

Malamang ay payapa at tahimik ang lugar na iyon.

Hindi mo man naitatanong ay pangarap kong makapunta doon. Damhin ang lamig ng hanging doon dumadaan at lambot nito.

Marami itong kulay: una’y asul kapag ito’y payapa.

Ikalawa’y pula kapag ang mundo’y magdidilim na,

At pangatlo’y itim kapag nais nitong magbagsak ng ulan.

Isip ko, “kay sarap sigurong doon ay makapunta” Ano kaya ang pakiramdam?

Isip ko, “siguro ay masarap tignan ang lahat mula doon.” Ganoon nga ba’t ano’ng pakiramdam?

Ngunit ang tanong ko lang sa aking sarili, “may pag-asa ba na ako’y makapunta doon?”

Siguro’y wala at kung mayroon man ay matagal pa.

Kaya ngayon ako’y titingala at pagmamasdan na lang ang lugar na iyon na nasa itaas.

Ngingiti kapag makikita ang kapal at iba’t ibang hugis at kulay nito.

Tatawa’t magtatanong sa sarili, “kailan kaya kita mapupuntahan?”

EYES

Eyes

I’ve seen many but yours are the best.

I’ve seen other’s full of disgust for so they don’t want what they see.

I’ve seen other’s full of sadness for so they are alone.

I’ve seen other’s full of desire and lust for that’s what they only want.

I’ve seen other’s full of hurt and pain for they’ve experienced a lot.

I’ve seen other’s full of criticism and plasticity for so they’re hypocrite –themselves.

But yours are the best.

Yours are full of compassion, love, and truth.

Yours are different because they’re full of transparency.

Yours are the ones that will surely be on my mind,

FOREVER

.

THE CUNNING & THE FOOL

The Cunning & The Fool

I thought we’re together, forever. Then, you made me realize how wrecked we are.

You’re cunning, a clever one.

You made me feel like I’m a tree that has no leaves.

A paper sheet that has no written words.

A soil that has no nutrients.

You made me feel like I’m nothing but a trash.

You made me feel like I’m used like a thing.

Made me feel like I’m played like a game.

Made me feel like I’m floating in the outer space with no direction.

That our relationship is like dominant and submissive –you’re master and I’m your slave.

You see I’m smiling outside but I’m crying inside.

Now, I’m well informed of what we really are.

That I’m just the one who loved in our relationship.

Relationship that involves a cunning and a fool.

Relationship that was born out of nothingness.

A relationship that has no feelings being reciprocated.

NASAAN NA?

Nasaan na?

Ating mga pangako ay parang bato, Nanggaling man sa salita ang mga ito, Ating mga isip ay pinagtibay ito, At pinangalagaan naman ng ating mga puso.

Mula sa isa’y naging lima, Tapos ang lima’y naging labing dal’wa. Sabi niyo ako’y wag mag-alala, Sabi niyo tayo’y laging magkakasama.

Isa, dalawa, hanggang tatlo, Yan ang bilang ng taong ating pinagsalo, Taong nagtawanan at iyakan tayo, Taon na akala ko’y lolobo.

Ngunit bigla kayo’y nag-iba, Bigla din kayo ay dumistansya, Hindi alam ang dahilan, Kung bakit kayo gumanyan.

Pangako ay hindi ba totoo? Hanggang saan nalang tayo? Sabi niyo, wag akong mag-alala, Ano, yun ay parang wala lang ba?

Ngayon ako’y napapa isip, Mata’y pilit na tinatakip, Ngayon ako’y nagtatanong, Pagkakaibigan ba’y nagiging sirang talong?

Hindi ako magsasalita, Ngunit nangyayari’y di ipagsasawalang bahala. Pangako niyo’y aking inaalala, Ano, iyon ay nasaan na?

SHOW THE WORLD

Show The World

I was born in this world full of uncertainty. A world full of judgmental people. World where change is constant. And a world that is unpredictable.

They say, “just go with the flow.” I say, “why should I do that?” They answered, “that is the trend.” I replied, “trend doesn’t matter to me.”

Doing what other does is nothing. For you do not do what you want. So, stand your ground and do your way, Because if you do that, you are unique.

It is true that this world is full of uncertainty and is unpredictable. But don’t let that reason alone stop you. Instead, make a chance out of that reason, And show the world how unique you are.

HONESTY

Honesty

I was told that honesty is the best policy. I nodded and agreed with that. But as I grow up, I started to doubt. I started to question if that is true.

Will honesty be the best policy if you lie? Will it be the best if you break it? But then, why people lie? Is it for the better of the good?

People lie to make things better. People lie to spare and save themselves. People lie to not hurt others. People lie for it is needed.

Now, I ask my self this question: “Is honesty the best policy?” I don’t have the answer to it. For I know, sometimes honesty must be broken to make things better.

YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING

You Are My Everything

They say that every decision has its consequences. I say yes, that is true. They say consequences are rather good or bad. I say for me, it is just only you.

What happens to us is already planned. What we do is just up to us. Everything in this world has a meaning. Yes, it is true… For everything that happens to me, the meaning is you.

Spare me the crap and boasting. I know I have only little, And that little is you. For you is that I have and you are my everything.

TO MY FUTURE SOMEONE

(A letter) for my future someone.

TO MY FUTURE SOMEONE:

To my future someone, I want to tell you that when you come in to my life, I will caress you just like how a child does to his toy.

I want to tell you that I will care for you just like how a mother cares for her children.

I want to tell you that I will support you just like how a father supports his family.

To my future someone, I would like you to know that I may not be the perfect one but I will try or do my best to be the one who deserves you.

I would like you to know that I will do my best so that you can be able to feel what a princess feels like to be.

I would like you to know that I will do whatever it takes to make you feel what a Queen feels and experiences with her King.

To my future someone, I know that there will be times that we will argue over some matters in our lives but do not worry, for I will make things work out for us.

I know that every relationship has its ups and downs but be assured that I will risk everything so ours won’t easily fall apart.

And to my future someone, I wish that if you come in my life where I am at my downfall, please be my very reason to lift my self up, be my guide, and cheer me up.

I wish that you will always be at my side, smiling and tenderly looking at me FOR I WILL DO THE SAME WITH YOU.

TO MY FUTURE SOMEONE by: J.R.P.S. 😂✌😚😘😍

LAST PIECE OF SANITY

LAST PIECE OF SANITY

As I watch how the last little leaf of the tree falls, I remembered something.

I remembered you, the you who, from nowhere, came in to my life.

I remembered how you wore your loveliest smile that captured my heart.

I remembered how you pulled a remarkable stunt of showing your concern filled with nothing but wickedness and plasticity.

Then, I glanced at the tore old photo of us.

A photo full of joy and happiness but the unsaid truth is –it is full of nothingness.

Then, I cried…

And as I cry, an unbearable feeling enveloped me –a feeling of both despair and devastation.

And as the little last leaf of the tree landed on the ground, the wind blew it.

Just like how you blew all of my hope, happiness, and love.

And now, as I look at the tree, I only see myself.

Myself that is empty, lonely, and alone.

Myself that is neglected by you.

Myself that is deprived of many things.

And with that, I felt empty.

And just like how the tree lost its last leaf, I lost my last piece of sanity.

LIHAM PARA SA KANYA

😭😭😭😭😭

Hindi ko mawari kung ang nararamdaman ko ngayon ay dahil sa lungkot at pighati o dahil sa tuwa at galak.

Aking mga mata’y mahapdi at tila inaantok na animo’y ilang sandali nalang ay bibigay at pipikit na.

Aking isip ay hindi parin magawang tanggapin na ika’y wala na.

Puso’y sumasakit sa isipin na ika’y hindi ko na makakasama.

Ang sabi ko’y ‘siguro ay ayos narin ito, na hindi ka na mahihirapan pa’ ngunit ang totoo’y parang ayaw ko iyong tanggapin.

Nais kong umiyak pero wala ni isang luhang gustong lumabas.

Nais kong sumigaw ngunit walang mahapuhap na salita o tinig na masambit ang aking bibig.

Mahal kita, sobra.

Oo, madalas man na ika’y hindi ko nabibisita pero hindi ka naman nawala sa aking isipan.

Oo, hindi ko naipadadama sayo ang aking pagmamahal pero iyon ay mananatili sayong puso at sa aking puso din.

Totoo nga na sa huli ay marami kang maiisip: mga bagay na sana’y matagal mo nang ginawa, mga salita na sana’y noon mo pa sinabi pero wala, hindi mo nasabi’t nagawa.

Nais kong malaman mo na habang ginagawa ko ang liham na ito ay tumatangis ako.

Tumatangis dahil sa dalawang bagay —sa tuwa at lumbay.

Tuwa dahil sa isiping hindi ka na mahihirapan pa.

Lumbay dahil sa isiping wala at hindi ka na makakasama pa.

Kay hirap —kay hirap talaga.

Ayaw ko —ayaw ko pa.

Wag sana —wag sanang mawala ka.

Pero wala, dapat na tanggapin ko nalang.

Sa huli, ito nalang ang aking masasabi: PAALAM, “IMA, INDA, APU, LOLA. SALAMAT SA LAHAT NANG IYONG GINAWA, MGA BAGAY NA ISINAKRIPISYO, AT PAGMAMAHAL.

WALA KA NAMAN NA NGAYON SA AMING PILING, ALAM KO NA NASA MABUTI KA NG KALAGAYAN NGAYON.

MAHAL NA MAHAL KA NAMIN —LALO NA AKO NA PINAKA PABORITO MONG APO (para sa akin).“

For my dearly beloved Lola †

Adelaida Sarmiento

(may your soul rest in peace)

-Your Apo.

SHIVER

You always smile. 

 You always think positive.

You always   laugh.

 You always show a bright face.

You always  care.

You always  help.

But I know that’s not what’s inside.

 I know that you always put on a mask.

Then I started to doubt.

I started to ask.

I started to wonder.

You, then snapped.

You got mad at me.

You started to avoid me.

Day, weeks, months passed.

We didn’t talk, then I decided.

Decided to go and talk to you.

You sighed and nodded.

You took off the mask.

Then, all I did is to shiver.

FOR YOU

Sometimes I ask myself the question why…

Why do I keep on insisting in doing things for you?

Why do I keep on making myself more deserving for you?

Why do I keep on saying that I’ll do everything for you?

Then, I also find the answer…

Because it’s all for you.

Because it’s for you that I want to become the better version of myself.

Because it’s for you, for you that I can do everything (even if it pains me).

FOR YOU…

FOR YOU…

FOR YOU…

ALL FOR YOU…

sighs when will I ever think of myself?

BLOOD, SWEAT & TEARS

A/N: Annyeonghaseyo! I did this kasi na-insired ako sa kanta ng BTS! <3

My love for you is as thick as blood that I cannot comprehend how it feels, just like the first time I felt it.

My heart beats simultaneously to the extent that it hurts but still, I consider it a special feeling.

A feeling that only you can make me feel.

Sweat is for all of the efforts I did for the love I have for you.

Sweat that gushes out from my skin, every time I think (of you), speak (with you) and move (around you).

And then there are tears.

The tears are for the love and effort of mine which you have wasted.

Tears that my eyes are letting to flow out which, every time, reminds me of my unrequited love.

Blood, Sweat and Tears...

These are the three things that symbolize the love and effort I have which are wasted and won't ever be returned back by you.

# FIRE

There's a side to you that I never knew of.

A side that is destined to hurt me even before we see each other.

Your kind is like a fire.

Fire that suddenly grows and comes.

A fire which devours someone's life and love.

A fire that all does is hurt and leave a permanent mark.

A mark full of pain, a pain that can't easily be forgotten.

And before I notice it, you already have left.

Left like a smoke from the fire, a smoke that disappears in the air.

Like a smoke, you just left 
without warning.

# ONE IN A MILLION

Meeting you is yet an another milestone in my life.

An event that I surely won't be able to forget, not at all.

An event that I'm so thankful for witnessing.

It's unexplainable. It's wonderful. Truly one in a million.

Truly one in a million for as soon as I saw you, you have been marked in me.

Someone whom I will always think about.

Someone whom I fell in love with before, now and tomorrow —maybe for eternity.

Someone who introduced a feeling to me, a special feeling called love.

You truly are one in a million —someone I will cherish and won't forget about.

# IN YOUR EYES

I smiled after looking at your photo.

You look simple, promising and beautiful as ever.

I still remember the way how we met; the time, the day, what we wore —every details.

I wish I could see your lively eyes —those almond shaped, have the color of the deepest blue sea, eyes that made me realize how wonderful life is.

In your eyes, I see myself.

In your eyes, I see innocence.

In your eyes, I see happiness.

But gone, gone are the days that I can see them for you're not beside me anymore.

You disappeared like how bubble pops in the silent air.

Then, I longed for those eyes, such lively eyes.

And so, for you.

I smiled bitterly after wiping my tears.

"Where are you?" That's been my question, dear.

I miss you and I wish you were here beside me.

I wish I could look into your eyes again.

Because in your eyes, I see me.

In your eyes, I see the times I still able to smile.

In your eyes, I see how I used to let my guard down.

In your eyes, I see how I loved someone —you.

I wish you were here, looking at me so dearly because in your eyes, I see us being together... 

FOREVER.

# THROUGH THE YEARS

I am now laying in the bed that we used together, a bed that used to be ours.

I closed my eyes and again, memories of us flashed back.

"This is not a request, but a wish." I murmured.

I wish we've been more happier with each other's company.

I wish that we could have been better.

How many years has it been? I'm not sure.

But still, you're the one I want.

Through the years, I've never forgotten about you; the way how you smile, talk and move.

I've never forgotten how you looked so in love and so tenderly.

Through the years, I've never lose hope that one day, you'll be back beside me.

"Damn it!" I cursed and wiped the tears on my face again.

I stood up, turned and looked at the bed where you used to stay and sleep.

I wish I could hug, cuddle with you.

I wish I could turn back the time.

I wish I could reverse the days.

I wish I could undo what has happened.

I wish I could make you come back.

I wish that you'll be here again and stay by my side, being the same sweet you.

I wish that I can see how in love you are, just like before.

How many years has it been again? I'm not sure.

All I'm sure of is that —through the years, I just want you back, with me, here again.

# WHAT I TRULY FEEL

We met, we talked.

We became close, became friends.

We felt at ease.

We shared a lot of things.

We laughed at many things.

We did a lot of crazy things.

Seconds, minutes, hours.

Days, weeks, months.

Even years have passed.

I couldn't suppress this feeling.

Feeling of mine I have for you.

But then, something happened.

I just knew that we can't.

That you were with someone.

That I will be with no one.

Knew that we couldn't be together.

Knew that I cannot have you.

Knew that you won't be mine forever.

Now, I'm just looking at you.

I feel as though you're so far even though I'm just near you.

I feel lonely even if I am with you.

I laugh but bitterly, I'm sad.

I want you for myself, alone.

I grow longing for you each passing time.

All I want to do is this...

Tell and shout something,

I want to tell and shout what I truly feel.

I LOVE YOU!

# MY HAND AND ITS FIVE FINGERS

You're smiling as though there's nothing wrong.

You're acting as if I'm nothing.

You're beaming with so much joy as though we don't have an argument. 

You're like that, a person being positive even though you're surrounded with negativity.

You're truly pretentious.

Well, let me tell you these.

Hoping that you'll be enlightened.

Wishing that you're going to be awaken.

Listen, listen very carefully.

First, I have my thumb.

A thumb that I used to lift up, to show that I'm okay but the truth is —I'm not.

Second, I have my index finger.

A finger that I want to use to point out all of the bad things you've done, still doing and about to do.

Third, I have my middle finger.

A finger I want to raise, to salute you and your being a bitch when I'm not looking and facing you.

Fourth, I have my ring finger.

A finger that signifies your broken vows and promises. All the words that I know won't happen.

Then, I have my pinky.

A finger that swears, I won't let you fool and use me again.

*smirk*

# POEM 101

I'm a fool, I know. 
But I hope, that you'll come to know. 
That all you caused me was pain and sorrow. 

I thought you were mine, but I'm wrong. 
I wish I could live and I wish I could be strong. 
For what I have to face right now is path, path that is so long. 

And now, as I write this piece of poetry. 
What I think, is you and our chemistry. 
A thing I thought that exists but now, it'll be a mystery. 

A mystery I will always think. 
A mystery that I'll remember as I blink. 
A mystery that will always make me overdrink.

# FLEETING

Eyes are trembling,

Hands are shaking,

Mind's dizzy,

Vision's blurry.

Don't know why,

I am being like this,

Don't know why,

I am feeling this.

My heart is throbbing,

Just because of this feeling.

Astonishing, dumbfounding,

This moment is fleeting.

Fleeting for I know you're to go,

I know you're like an halo.

Just a thing I could see,

Couldn't have, only just can see.

# DEPRESSION (An open letter for everyone)

Depression, what does this word really mean? 

It means a lot even though most of people may not be well acquainted with it. 

It's a strong word. 
Not just a single word you hear. 
It means a lot. 

Depression is a serious matter to talk about. People MUST NEVER treat is as a topic to laugh at. 

People who experience this suffer a lot more than you and I thought they do. 

Yes, I know, Im not in the position to be talking this but I just can't help it. 

I have witness many people who suffered under the depression (and one of those whom I witnessed was my own self). 

Now, you might be thinking that I am doing this for fame or popularity but I AM NOT. 

I just want to send the message of love and support. 

That we, people, must not judge people who've been and are still suffering this condition and instead give them the understanding, patience and support they mostly need. 

Depression is serious. 
Don't judge or criticize. 
Just love and support people —may it be through direct and indirect support. 

Thank you.

# SERENDIPITY

Standing outside the door, 
Looking eagerly at the floor. 
Unmoved by the snow, 
For I feel, inside me, there's a hollow. 

Lovely, it may seem. 
But meeting you, is actually its antonym. 
Meeting you is full of feeling. 
Smiling, crying, even I'm dying. 

Now, as I stop the tears from falling, 
I recall the past and start reminiscing. 
Now, as I stop my self from crying, 
It seems that everything starts crumbling. 

As I go back and think of that day, 
Where I met someone like you accidentally. 
I make my self stronger and start to say, 
"Hey, I'll be happy so don't make yourself worry".

And as I dry the last remaining tears, 
I smiled and covered my ears. 
And I started to hear distant noise, 
As if they are coming, just like your beautiful voice. 

And as I try closing my eyes, 
My whole body started to wobble. 
And as I try getting some fresh air, 
My heart started to feel despair. 

Thinking of how we met, 
Thinking of how we we stayed at night late, 
Thinking of what we used to do, 
Thinking of what else we could do. 

Thinking of all of those things, 
The hollow in my heart started to swell. 
As I breathe and move my body, 
I felt the sorrow and the pain started to be nasty. 

I couldn't do anything, 
I could just think of the day of our meeting. 
I couldn't say anything, 
I could just wish for that the day of our meeting. 

I wish I never knew you, 
I wish I never liked you, 
I wish I never met you, 
I wish, I wish I never loved you. 

For loving you made me this way, 
Made me unloving and lose my way. 
For loving you made me different, 
I started to change and be dependent. 

Dependent of the love you and I shared, 
In this world full of people's judgement and rage. 
Dependent of the thinking I will never lose you, 
In this world full of doubts that made us argue. 

For now, I could still not believe. 
How you're gone and I'm in grieve. 
For now, I could still not see. 
How you're gone and chose to set me free.

# ANXIETY 

I can feel it. It's killing me. 

Worrying about something that is not happening or might not even happen. 

Yes, I can feel it. It's overwhelming. 

Over thinking, over acting. 

Yes, I can definitely feel it. 

For every second, for every minute, for every hour. 

It's something I cannot remove and it's something I never wanted to have. 

Yes, it's here. I can feel it. 

Mind's dizzy. My veins are alive. 

Walking at an unsteady pace. Looking at everywhere. 

Thinking! Thinking! Thinking! 

Ahhh! Thinking! Yes! I am thinking! 

What if!? What's that!? How!? Who!? 

I am asking. 

Asking many questions which do not even have answers. Questions which do not have certainty. 

Yes! Yes, I can feel it. Ahhhh, it's here! 

It's something I cannot remove! 

Days, nights, days, and nights again. 

It's getting bigger! It's getting heavier! 

And it's killing me.