SI AUTHOR

Hello, to all of my readers (if there are) thanks for following and reading my stories.

This is another work of yours truly. This one contains poems that are mostly written in tagalog and letters that are written in english as well.

Sorry if you’re gonna find them sad or with hugot factor, I made them when I was heart broken because of her.

Haha, that’s all I’m gonna say. Please read and vote for my stories and don’t get tired of following me.

Ciao!

yourbitterman

OWN THOUGHTS story of yourbitterman (Poems and letters for M.A.)

HULI NA

I. May kilala ako, Babae, mahal ko. Simple, walang arte, T’wing kasama siya feeling ko ako’y swerte.

II. Swerte o malas? Ano itong dinaranas? Babaeng mahal ko, Ngayo’y may mahal ng iba.

III. Siguro nga’y malas ako, Oo, malas nga ako… Pagkat pagmamahal ko sa kanya’y… Huli, HULI NA.

AYUN, SILA NA

I. Siya na nga, oo, siya na. Noong simula hindi, pero ngayo’y sigurado na. Siya na nga, siya na. Babaeng mahal, t’wina.

II. Ngunit ano itong nangyayari? Babaeng mahal ko, iba ang pinili. Galaw niya, ako ang pinipili, Yun pala, puso’y may iba nang napili.

III. Heto ngayon, ako’y namimighati, Sa mga nangyayari. Ayun, siya at siya’y magkasama, Ayun… AYUN, SILA NA.

MANHID BA O TANGA?

I. Sa t’wina’y na-aalala, Mga pangyayaring masasaya. Sa piling ng mga kasama, Lalo na ang sa kanya.

II. Batid kong may mahal na siya, May mahal ng iba. Oo, tama. May mahal na siya, Hindi ako, ngunit siya.

III. Sila’y laging magkasama, masaya… Kaibigan ko’y laging nagpa-paalala, Sabi sa akin ay tama na. Ano ba ako-MANHID BA O TANGA?

ASA, UMAASA, AASA

I. ASA, lagi kong ginagawa. Hindi alam kung bakit ba. Ako man ay nasasaktan na, Ewan ba, ewan ko nga ba.

II. UMAASA, ngayon ako. Umaasa na sana’y ako ang minamahal mo. Ngunit hindi, alam ko, Hindi ako ang siyang mahal mo.

III. AASA, aasa na lamang. Aasa sa mga bagay na magiging panaginip nalang. Yun nalang, oo… yun nalang, Aasa ako, aasa nalang.

KAIBIGAN LANG

I.

Bes, sa akin ang tawag niya. Salitang nagpapakita na, Kaibigan lang ako sa kanya. Oo, kaibigan lang sa kanya.

II. Laging nandyan, laging handang damayan siya. Handang tulungan siya, kung magpapatulong siya. Kasama sa tuwa, kulitan, tawanan, maging sa iyakan pa. Oo, ako yun, kaibigan lang niya.

III. Pag nag-away, nagagalit siya. Heto naman ako, susuyuin siya. Away na madalas, sinimulan niya, Pero sa huli, galit pa siya.

IV. Kaibigan ang turing niya sa akin. Nagtatanong ako kung “di niya ba ako kayang mahalin?” Siguro nga hanggang dito nalang din, Basta, wag kang mag-alala, ika’y mahal, minamahal, at mamahalin ko pa rin.

DI KO YATA KAYA

I. May mahal na siyang iba. May taong mahal na din siya. Saan pa ang lugar ko sa puso niya? Ang tanong… meron ba?

II. Nitong mga nakalipas na araw, linggo at buwan, Alam kong ako’y mas naliliwanagan. Siya ay may mahal ng isang Adan, At ako’y wala paring kasintahan.

III. May mahal na siya, oo. Ngunit itong puso, hindi parin natututo. Pagmamahal para sa kanya’y parang puno, Na kahit putulin ay muling tutubo.

IV. O sadyang kay lupit nga yata, Kapag ika’y nagmamahal na. Titigil na ba ako? Titigil na nga ba? Hindi… DI KO YATA KAYA.

WALA E, MAHAL KO

I. Mahal ko siya. May mahal naman siyang iba. Masaya siya. Ako nama’y nababalisa.

II. May kayakap siya. Ako’y nangangailangan naman ng aruga. “Ano kaya ang pakiramdam?” Tanong sa sarili habang mga mata’y malamlam.

III. Pilit silang tinatanaw, masaya. Kaibigan nama’y naawa. Sarili’y di maintindihan. Kung bakit itong puso’y naninindigan.

IV. Hindi maapuhap ang dahilan. Hindi sigurado, walang katiyakan. Isa lang naman ang totoo… WALA E, MAHAL KO.

CONTENTED

CONTENTED

Yeah, I love someone but I can’t say it personally to her. I don’t know, maybe I am afraid of losing our friendship, their relationship, AND HER…

I just don’t know. I keep on showing a happy face though deep inside, I am hurting. I keep on looking at them, though I know that it won’t change anything. I love her, indeed. But at the end, I can’t be with her. I can’t be with the person I am in love with, for she has someone.

At the end, I think, I’m gonna be contented of being a good and close friend to her. That way, I won’t ruin a relationship, a friendship, and I won’t lose her.

I love her, I know… but I will be contented in this kind of set-up…

Just a friend. smile

SA PANAGINIP

I. Uy! Uy! Pansinin mo ako. Uy! Uy! Ako ito. Uy! Uy! Pwede bang ako nalang? Uy! Uy! Kahit ngayon lang.

II. Laging nasa isip siya. Laging masaya, nakatawa siya. Siya nga pala si M.A. Siya yung babaeng mahal ko, t’wina.

III. Masaya ako pag nakikita siya, Lalo na ang maganda niyang mukha. Tawa niyang musika, Musika sa aking tenga.

IV. Ngiti niyang kay ganda. Mukha niya’y kahali-halina. Pag naiinis, siya’y nakakatuwa. Para siyang bata, kay sarap kasama.

V. Lahat ng iyon ay nais kong sabihin. Ngunit alam kong hindi ko kayang gawin. Hanggang ngiti’t tanaw na lang. Pagkat alam kong lahat ng nadarama’y hanggang SA PANAGINIP nalang.

PARA SA KANYA

I. Mahal ko siya, mahal ko siya. Alam kong itong nadarama’y huli na. Pero tanga ako, oo. Dahil puso’y di maturuang sumuko.

II. Nais kong malaman niya, Na nandito ako kahit bilang kaibigan lang niya. Tatawa’t ngingiti kapag nakikita siyang may kasama’t masaya. Oo, ganun ako, PARA SA KANYA.

BIGYANG PANSIN

I. Nandito ako, nagmamahal sayo. Kahit nagmumukhang tanga na ako. Gagawa nalang ako ng mga tula. Para sayo, sayo na aking mahal sa t’wina.

II. Bigyang pansin, kahit katiting man lang. Pagkat sa katiting na iyon ay makokontento na lang. Kaibigan lang ako… oo, para sayo. Pero heto ako, nagsusumamo, na kahit katiting man lang, BIGYANG PANSIN mo naman ako.

GRAB THEN LET GO

Hello (M.A.) this is me.

I’m still the same. The same person you knew. A person who’s always beside you. Always there for you. Until I felt something.

You probably are thinking, right? You’re thinking why I suddenly disappeared.

Well, I don’t know. Haha, I disappeared cause of this damn feeling-this damn heart of mine. Yup! You’re right, I love you! That’s why I chose to disappear. I love you that whenever I am near you, my body is being tensed up and my heart pounds.

I love you! I love you, but you don’t know. You don’t know cause I was a coward for not telling you what I really feel. I did not tell you cause you already have someone you love. You have someone cause I let him have you.

Now you’re happy with him. Yes, I still know. Yes, I might have disappeared but I’m still here. Silently looking at you with him. Smiling though I am nearly crying. Cheering though I want you to break up with him.

I am here, cherishing every moments with you. I am here… yes, I am here-your friend.

Your friend who wants to grab you and then, hug you tight. A friend who wants to tell you, how I really love you. But, who am I? I am just a friend, right?

Sorry, I became a coward. Maybe, if I just told you what I really feel, we could end up being together but no-cause I was a coward. Haha

How cliché. Now, I’m a mess. Yes, I am okay outside but inside, I am not. I am just a friend who once wanted to grab you but know… I am letting you go.

That’s all! But don’t worry, I still love you.

Your silent lover, O.S.

NATATAWA AKO

I. Mahal kita, mahal mo naman siya. Gusto ko kasama ka, ikaw naman ay siya. Inaalala kita, inaalala mo naman siya. Tanga lang ba talaga ako, o sira?

II. Tumatawa kapag kasama ka. Nagagalit naman kapag nandyan siya. Oo, ganito ako… di mo lang alam. May nagmamahal pang iba sayo, di mo lang alam.

III. Simple lang naman ang gusto ko. Yun ay yung ako ang mahalin mo. Pero alam ko naman ang totoo. Hindi ako, hindi talaga ako.

IV. Ngayon ay tinatanaw ka nalang. Tinatanaw na ang kasama ay siya lang. Natatawa kahit nasasaktan ako. Natatawa, NATATAWA AKO.

SI MUNTANGA

I. May isang lalake, nagmamahal. May isang babae, di siya mahal. Sila’y magkaibigan sa pananaw ng babae. Ngunit higit pa doon ang sa pananaw ng lalake.

II. Hindi masabi, hindi mawari. Mahal ba ng lalake ang babae o hindi? Nagdadalawang isip, hindi mapakali. Ano ba ito? Hindi mawari.

III. Sa paglipas ng oras, araw, at buwan. Puso ng lalake ay nalilinawan. Mahal na niya ang babae. Heto na, sasabihin na niya e.

IV. Biglang may umeksena, Biglang naging sila. Damdamin ng lalake ay hindi nasabi. Bandang huli, siya pa ang nalugi.

V. Pag-ibig na sana, Ngunit nawala pa. Ayun… ayun siya, SI MUNTANGA.

ONCE AGAIN

Hi, I am Joseph.

I want to tell you something. About this girl. This girl I loved… yes, no, I don’t really know.

“I loved her” this is what I keep on telling myself but I know that I still love her.

I love her, I really really love her. From the bottom of my heart. I am making poems and letters because, OF HER. Cause I love her.

I did everything just to forget her but damn! Damn this heart and mind of mine for not forgetting her. I don’t know, I don’t know what to do anymore.

Here I am now, smoking, drinking once in awhile just to tell myself that she has someone now. It hurts that the one you love has someone.

Have you ever been this in love that every time you’re seeing the one you love with someone, you’re going to curse in your mind and wish for them to break up? Well, that is the thing.

I wish them to break up, but I know that it will never happen. It will never happen because I can see the love in  their eyes.

I have this one question in my mind… “Why can’t I have her?” Why? I am just someone who’s loving.

…

We meet again. And I know that I am still in love with her. Well, did this feeling ever disappear? Hahaha, I am hopeless, really.

I want to cry, but I don’t know why I can’t.

We meet and once again, this heart of mind pounded.

After our meeting, I ask a friend. (I won’t tell the name) and I told her everything. And she said “she’s just a girl and you’ll forget her. And when that time comes, you’re just going to laugh” I wish that, that time will come as soon as possible.

Because I don’t know what to do anymore.

But once again, I realize that I can’t stop loving. I can’t stop loving her. I just can’t.

This is Joseph and thanks for reading my dramatic letter. smile

D I D

Hello, I just want to share the song that my friend composed.

Here’s the lyrics…

🎼🎵🎶🎤 Mahal mo nga, mahal ka ba?

Iniisip mo nga, iniisip ka ba?

Hawak mo pa, bumibitaw na siya… Manhid ka ba— o tanga?

Nakatitig ka sa kanya, nakatingin siya sa iba.

Kinikilig ka pa, nasasaktan ka na. 🎼🎵🎶🎤

WALA NA, WALA NA.

I. Heto na naman ako. Tumitingin na parang multo. Ayaw ipakita aking anino. Ayaw ko siyang magulo.

II. Mahal ko siya, mahal ko pa. Ayaw ko na, pero sige pa. Manhid na kung manhid. Puso’y parang isip… kumikitid.

III. Pero alam kong huli na, Huli na itong nadarama. Pero ewan ko ba, Hindi ko kayang tumigil, hindi ko kaya.

IV. Pero sa huli, Ito ang masasabi. Alam kong wala na, WALA NA, WALA NA.

MALUNGKOT AKO

I. Malungkot, malungkot ngayon ako. Sa isiping, may iba ka nang kasalo. Kasalo sa tuwa, saya, at maging sa ligaya. Samantalang heto naman ako ngayon, tulala.

II. Malungkot ako dahil hindi ka sa akin. Malungkot ako kasi ang sakit isipin. Isipin na may iba ka nang mahal, Heto ako ngayon, malungkot… MALUNGKOT AKO na nagmamahal.

BAKIT SIYA?

I. Tanong sa aking sarili, “Bakit siya ang pinili?”, Samantalang ako ang kasama palagi, Nung mga panahong magkasama kami.

II. Batid kong masaya naman siya, Pero ewan, hindi ko kayang matanggap, hindi pa. Dahil may isang tanong akong nais na kong sagutin niya… “Bakit siya ang kasama at hindi ako, BAKIT SIYA?”

NANDITO AKO

I. Nandito ako, na parang anino. Nandito ako, laging kasama mo. Nandito ako, nagmamahal sayo. Nandito ako, nandito lang ako.

II. Nandito ako, wag kang mag-alala. Nandito ako, laging nakatawa. Nandito ako, kahit masakit ang nadarama. Nandito ako, kahit pa sa kanya ka na.

III. Nandito ako… oo, ako. Nandito ako, ang kaibigan mo. Nandito ako, wag mag-alala, Nandito ako… nandito lang lagi, nagmamahal sayo.

KAY HIRAP

I. Gusto kong yakapin siya. Gusto kong patawanin siya. Gusto kong ipangko siya. Gusto kong halikan siya.

II. Lahat ng mga ’yon ay gusto kong gawin. Ngunit alam kong hindi ko maaaring gawin. Kaibigan lang kasi ako sa kanyang paningin. Oh, KAY HIRAP kapag hindi mo kayang gawin.

I AM LETTING HER GO

12/15/2015

The day that made my mind. I think I will start forgetting this feeling for her. Haha, finally! I had the sign… the sign for me to stop all of these that I am feeling for her.

She was the one who made it clear that she really loves the boy. I teased her, told her that the boy she’s in love with has a lot of girls at her workplace but she just laughed it off.

I told her that the boy she’s in love with will find another girls, more sexy, tall, has lots of curves, wearing sexy outfits, and fun to be with but again, she laughed it off.

I tried this last one… I told her that the boy she’s in love with will have some kiss marks and will have a scent of a woman’s perfume: told her that he probably is having an intercourse with a lot of girls and will break up with her.

I thought that I will have a chance because her aura changed and she’s on the verge of crying. I mentally slapped my self. Damn! I hate seeing her sad. I LOVE HER FOR GOD’S SAKE!

I thought by that time that I have a chance because by her actions, she has lost her faith and trust on the boy. She even cried, yup! I made her cry. Haha.

But because I don’t want her to be sad and I hate seeing her cry, I told her that I was just joking. But still, she continued on crying. I let out a nervous laugh.

What am I going to do? I told myself. After a moment, after I can’t continue to see her crying, I did everything just to make her stop crying. She’s so fragile. I told that I am taking back what I said and even told her that I was just kidding.

I repeated it until she stopped and looked at me with this particular look. Uh-oh, she’s mad. I chuckled.

I thought that everything was okay, so I went to the comfort room to pee and after that, I came back to where she is and just when I’m about to call her, I was taken a back.

He’s already there. Yup! The man, they looked so happy. I saw my girl (yeah, sounded selfish but FOR ME, I own her) with an happy and contented smile on her face.

Probably thinking that all of what I said were not true. I swear I was about to cry but I held my tears back. After that, I went there with a bright face, not showing how hurt and pained I am from the scenery.

That moment, I accepted my real standing for her, that I am just one of her close friends and it will never change.

I smiled seeing how happy and contented my girl is with another man.

I fixed myself for a bit and after that, I told them that I am taking my leave… I was even embarrassed because I had to go back because I forgot my phone and she even said that it was my karma.

I just laughed and after getting my phone, I immediately left. I immediately left, because I don’t want to see them.

I don’t want to see how happy they are, because it makes me more pathetic and wrecked just seeing them like that.

When I was walking, the tears that I was holding back fell. Then, the weather was with me because it’s raining—if it wasn’t for my umbrella, I think I am going to be soaked. Thanks umbrella.

I wiped my tears and composed myself. December 15, 2015 is the day where I am going to stop loving her and forget all these feelings for her.

I know that it won’t be easy but I will try my very best to stop and forget these feelings I have for her.

I don’t want to be stupid and hurt myself anymore. If with that guy she’s happy, I think I will be just happy for her.

I love her, so I am letting her go.

I love her, so I will let her be with the man she love.

I love her, that I  don’t want to hurt myself anymore.

I love her, so… I AM LETTING HER GO.

-O.S. crying and smiling

LAST WORDS

Hi, readers of this work of mine…

So, the last letter that you’ve read is the last part of this work.

Thanks for reading this and joining my sadness through reading all of my poems and letters with hugot factor.

I hope that I was able to satisfied you by letting you read all of these.

I hope so that you will not get tired on following me, reading, and voting for my stories.

So, there! OWN THOUGHTS (just did these out of the blue) is officially completed.

I hope that you’re going to read the stories that I’m going to update.

Bye, guys! And thanks! Ciao!

• yourbitterman

Just like the air and the smoke

I saw the wind, and I felt amazement. Just like how I saw you. But then, you quickly disappeared. Just like how it felt when the wind passed through me.

I touched the smoke, and I was overwhelmed. Just as how I was overwhelmed when I touched you. But then, you were gone, just like how the smoke vanished.

It’s like you came and introduced yourself. Made me happy for a short span of time. Made me comfortable for a bit.

You made me feel your love, just as how I felt the air surrounded me. You made me excited, just as how smoke flows in the air.

But you just came for a short while. You didn’t even bother to say goodbye. You were gone, just like how smoke disappeared in the thin air.