TEASER

Reva Chantria Alcander is one of the beauties in La Carlota. Her life is what everyone is dreaming for. But when her mother gets sick and the rumors about her father’s infidelity spread like wildfire, her world turned upside down. The picture of a perfect family became blurry. Their complicated situation has forced her to carry the burden at the young age.

In the midst of her struggles, she gets to know Trevor Monterell—the rebellious son of the Congressman. Even though her father doesn’t like him for her, Chantria couldn’t find herself letting go of Trevor. Because her heart has learned to adore him.

Torn between family, responsibilities, and love, Chantria decided to loosen up her grip even if it means her decision will break them apart… even if it means she has to cry behind the raindrops.

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REMINDER: Be aware of the grammatical error and poor delivery of sentences, dialogues, and so on that you will encounter while reading. The author is always trying her best to improve until she gets better. I did not proofread this story. This is raw and has a lot of flaws. If you can’t afford reading a story that is not perfectly written, this is not for you. Thank you for dropping by. I appreciate your time.

— MISSGRAINNE

PROLOGUE

PROLOGUE

I am a believer that love is sacred as freedom. It can’t be bought. It is priceless like real happiness. It’s not easy to find one, but I am willing to do a hard work for it. So I could have that kind of love with me.

Gusto kong pagpaguran na kunin ang pag ibig na nakalaan sa akin dahil alam ko na pagkatapos ng lahat ng paghihirap, sa dulo, mahahawakan ko iyon, mapapa sa akin, at hindi na makakawala pa. Dahil pinaghirapan ko ’yon at hindi binili. That is the prize that I wanted for myself.

Ngunit sa pagdaan ng mga panahon, at sa pag usbong ng mga bagong henerasyon, ang pagmamahal na akala ko’y sagrado at hindi kailanman mabibili ng kahit na anong halaga, ay nagbago.

Love can be bought. Love can be faked. Love has a price. It is not sacred like how I used to believed it was. It wasn’t free. You need to sacrifice things before you could have it.

Ang katangi-tanging bagay na libre sa mundong ito ay ang mangarap.

Iyon ang natanto ko. Iyon din ang sabi ng mga tao at ang paniniwala nila. Tama nga naman. Naniniwala ako ro’n. Dahil kahit gaano katayog o ka-imposible ang pangarapin ko, ayos lang. To dream is free after all.

Kaya noong natuklasan namin ang tungkol sa sakit ni mommy, ang pag galing niya ang palaging hinihiling at pinapangarap ko ng husto. I am so scared to live this world without her. I got terrified every time I imagined her being gone. I always ended up in tears whenever I thought about her being so far away from me… that I wouldn’t be able to see her and hear her voice anymore.

Takot na takot akong mawala kahit na isa sa magulang ko. Pakiramdam ko, guguho ang mundo ko. Na hindi ko na kayang mabuhay ng normal. Na para bang kapag nawala sila sa akin, magiging tila ako ibon na naputulan ng pakpak at hindi na makakalipad pang muli.

“Reva Chantria! Pumasok ka na rito, hija! Magkakasakit kapa dahil diyan sa ginagawa mong bata ka! Diosmio!” I heard Soledad voice from the door of our mansion.

Ramdam na ramdam ko ang lamig sa bawat dampi ng malalaking tipak ng ulan sa aking balat. At ang ihip ng hangin ay nagpapataas sa balahibo sa aking katawan. Pero hindi ko ininda ang lamig na nahalinhinan ng sakit.

I remained standing in the middle of our driveway as I watched my father’s car drove away from me. Nag-away ulit sila ni mommy. At sa tuwing gano’n ang sitwasyon, palaging si daddy ang umaalis.

Tiningala ko ang madilim na langit at ang patuloy na tila pag iyak nito. I bite my lower lip to stop myself from another painful sob. At kasabay ng bawat patak ng ulan sa aking mukha, ay ang mga luha mula sa aking mga mata na hindi ko na mapigilan pang dumaloy sa aking pisngi.

Siguro, ang pinaka matayog na naging pangarap ko sa buhay na ito ay ang mabilisang pag galing ni mommy. Pero ang masaksihan na unti-unting natitibag ang masayang pamilya namin sa gitna pa ng kalamidad, ay nagbibigay sa akin ng matinding pagkabigo. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko malalagpasan ang lahat ng ito.

Nakatulugan ko ang pag-iyak kinagabihan. When I woke up next morning to go to school, I caught my mother at the backyard. She looked weak but she can still stand and walk. Ang maputi niyang balat ay halos mamutla na ang kulay.

“Mom…” I caught her attention while gripping at the sling of my shoulder bag.

She smiled weakly at me. “Kumain ka ba ng almusal?”

“Opo.”

Lumipat ang tingin ko sa mga lalaking nagtatabas ng mga halaman at ang ilan ay nagpuputol ng mga sanga ng puno. Our mansion is located at the near boundary of La Carlota and San Enrique. A kilometers away from other rich families in our town.

“Mommy, baka po ma-late ako mamaya ng uwi. May activities po sa school.”

“Tawagan mo nalang si Delfino kung magpapasundo ka na, anak.”

“Madame, may nuno sa punso sa dulo. Ayaw sana namin galawin.” One of the gardeners interrupted.

“Tibagin niyo na. Makaka-abala lang ’yan sa mga bagong halaman na gusto kong itanim.”

Kakamot-kamot sa ulo ang medyo may katandaan ng lalaki. Tumalima siya at bumalik sa mga kasama para sabihin na titibagin nila ang nuno sa punso na hindi ko naman matanaw.

“Mom, palagi mo pong inumin ang mga gamot na sinabi ng doktor. Kailan po pala tayo magpupunta sa Maynila para mag pa second opinion?”

“Wag mo ng alalahanin ang sakit ko, Reva. This is just a fatty liver. Gagaling ito sa gamot.”

“What do you mean? Hindi ka na po magpapagamot sa Maynila? Mas maganda ro’n, mommy. Mas maraming magagaling na doktor. You can do some test to make sure that you’re really—”

“Anak, sige na, pumasok ka na…” she cut me off. “Delfino, ihatid mo na si Chantria sa eskwelahan.” Aniya sa driver namin.

Based on my mother’s laboratory test, she has a fatty liver. Ang sabi, gagaling daw ’yon sa pag-inom lang ng gamot. Pero ilang buwan na ang nakakalipas, hindi ko pa rin makita ang resulta na gumaling nga. Madalas na nanghihina si mommy, walang ganang kumain, at namumutla. Hindi maalis ang pag-aalala ko para sa kalusugan niya.

I was late on our first subject. Nagtuturo na ang guro nang makarating ako.

“Why are you late?” Yusef, my best-friend, asked me in a low tone while his eyes were fixed on Mrs. Tolentino.

“I woke up late. Saan tayo sa lunch?” Mahina rin ang boses ko para hindi mahalata na nagdadaldalan kaming magkaibigan.

“Let’s watch football. Sa likod ng Gymnasium.”

“Bakit ba gustung-gusto mong manood ng football? May crush ka bang player?”

Yusef gasped next to me. “Sira! Wala ’no! Bawal ba manood?”

“Ang aasim naman ng mga player. Si Grego lang ang mabango sa kanila.”

Hindi napigilan ng kaibigan ko ang halakhak kaya napatingin tuloy sa amin si Mrs. Tolentino.

Hindi ako kinabahan na mapapagalitan kami. It’s a privilege to be part of a rich families in La Carlota. People admire and respect you. Lahat ay mababait sa amin. Walang gustong sumalungat. Halos lahat ay umaayon para lang paluguran kami.

“Mga player sa senior high lang ang maasim. Mababango at guwapo mga player sa College.”

After our last subject before lunch, I needed to help clean the room because I was late this. morning. That’s every student’s punishment.

“Wait for me! Maglilinis lang ako, Yusef.”

He sighed dramatically. “Bilisan mo, huh? Baka nag-uumpisa na ang game.”

Kinuha ko ang walis tambo at mag-uumpisa na sanang mag walis kaya lang ay pinigilan ako ni Nathan.

“Ako na, Chantria. Ikaw nalang ang magbura sa blackboard.”

Napatingin tuloy sa amin ang ibang kaklase tapos ay nagbulungan. Pati si Yusef ay napatayo galing sa pagkakaupo sa labas para lang manood sa ginagawa namin.

“Hoy, ano ’yan? Bakit ikaw ang nagwawalis, Nathan?” Yusef asked then he gave me a knowing look.

Inirapan ko siya at kinuha na ang board eraser.

“Para hindi na maalikabukan si Chantria,” sagot ni Nathan.

“May gusto ka yata sa kaibigan ko,” tukso ni Yusef na sinamaan ko naman ng tingin.

Nathan laughed a bit. But he didn’t say anything. He continued sweeping the floor. While our other classmates were arranging the chairs and tables.

“Salamat, Nathan. Marunong naman akong magwalis. Pero tama ka, ayoko kasing na-a-alikabukan ako,” sabi ko noong matapos na akong magbura sa blackboard.

“Walang anoman, Chantria. Basta para sa ’yo,” he smiled shyly and looked away.

Yusef shrieked outside. I rolled my eyes at my friend before I get my bag.

“Sabi na eh. Crush ka ni Nathan. Palagi ko ’yon nahuhuli na tumitingin sa ’yo.” Yusef kept on talking about it even if we are already at the back of the Gymnasium.

Umupo kami sa bench na nasa lilim ng puno. May ilang estudyante ang naroon din. Nanonood ng football game at ang iba naman ay nakatambay lang.

I bought the usual meal for our lunch. Yusef bought the same with different ulam. Minsan, ipinagluluto ako ni Soledad ng lunch kapag nag request ako. Hindi ko na nagawa kanina dahil ma-li-late na ako ng sobra.

“Umiyak ka na naman ba? Halata sa mga mata mo kanina,” puna ni Yusef sa kalagitnaan ng pag kain namin.

“Narinig kong nag-away si mommy at daddy. Umalis ulit si daddy kahit gabi na.”

“Saan kaya nagpupunta ang daddy mo kapag umaalis siya sa inyo?”

“Baka sa opisina niya?”

Doon ko lang din naisip iyon kung hindi pa tanungin ni Yusef.

Saan kaya natutulog si daddy kapag wala sa mansyon? Sa opisina? O sa Playa Azure?

I heard the giggles from a group of girls on another bench. When I glanced at them, I saw them pushing each other while watching a group of college students going to the Gymnasium using the back door.

“Trevor, crush ka raw neto…” sigaw ng babae at itinuro ang kasama nitong hiyang-hiya.

Trevor looked at those annoying Grade 11 students, then he smirked.

“Ano raw number mo?” Banat pa ng isa.

“Ayaw niya raw sa mga bata! College student ang gusto niya!” Sabat naman ng lalaking kasama ni Trevor.

“Playboy ’yang pinsan mo ’no?” Sabi ko kay Yusef.

“Oo. Tapos rebelde.”

Trevor Monterell is the son of our current Congressman–Elias Monterell. Ang pamilya niya ay kilala dahil sa politika. His mother is from a family of politicians as well. Trevor and Yusef are cousin.

Since Trevor is in College, I didn’t really get the chance to meet him personally. But I know him because he’s popular in our school aside that he is from a prominent family.

Since I’ve became friend with Yusef, I get to know his family background too. Hindi ko rin maiwasan na masaksihan at malaman ang tungkol sa mga bagay na ginagawa ni Trevor. Mula sa eskwelahan at sa pagpapalit-palit ng girlfriend niya sa mga nakalipas na taon.

“Rebelde siya?” Nalilito kong tanong.

Yusef’s eyes were on the football field. Kanina pa nag umpisa ang laro pero wala rin akong pakialam dahil hindi ko naman hilig ’yon. Isa pa, para sa akin, pangit ang mga player at madudungis kapag napapawisan na.

Si Grego Almendarez lang talaga ang football player na ka-aya-aya sa paningin ko. Pero hindi ko naman siya crush dahil matanda siya sa akin ng ilang taon. Gusto ko ay kasing edad ko lang ang mga nagiging boyfriend ko.

“Bakit interesado ka kay Trevor, huh?” pagalit sa akin ng kaibigan ko. “Magkagusto ka na sa lahat ng lalaki, Reva Chantria, ’wag lang diyan sa pinsan ko na ’yan. Masasaktan ka lang diyan. Sinasabi ko sa ’yo.”

“Hindi ako interesado. I was just asking because his father is our Congressman. Kung rebelde siya, masisira ang image ng tatay niya.”

“Hindi nga ’yan umuuwi sa kanila. Madalang yata.”

“Saan siya umuuwi kung gano’n?”

“Baka nakikitira kila Silvano.”

Nang ibalik ko ang tingin sa back door, wala na roon ang grupo ni Trevor. Ang mga Grade 11 kanina ay wala na rin sa bench!

My eyebrows furrowed. I got curious if the girls have followed Trevor’s group inside the Gymnasium?

“I wanna pee.” I murmured.

“Doon sa loob ng Gym ka nalang para hindi ka na maglakad ng malayo.”

“Dito ka lang, huh?”

“Saan pa ba ako magpupunta, Chantria?”

“Basta. Dito ka lang.”

“Oo nga!” Naiirita na sa akin si Yusef.

I walked towards the back door. There are some students that greeted me but I ignored them because I am too focused to know if my instinct is right.

Wala naman tao sa loob ng Gymnasium. Pero open ang restrooms doon dahil na rin sa mga player na doon nagbibihis kapag tapos nang mag training o maglaro.

I walked until I reached the girl’s restroom. But before I could even get near the door, I heard some voices from the other side. Sa boy’s restroom!

My heart pounded for some reason.

My pace went slower like a cat who was afraid to get caught. I heard a small giggle from a girl. Impit iyon na halatang pinipigil ang sarili. Nang makalapit na ako sa pintuan, maingat akong sumilip sa loob.

I saw a girl. I am so sure it was the Grade 11 student! She’s leaning against the sink. In front of her is Trevor Monterell and they are kissing!

Trevor’s hand is on the girl’s waist while the arms of the girl are wrapped around his nape. I didn’t want to watch them kissing, but it was already too late. Because I saw how his tongue glided sensually against the girl’s lips. Then he entered it inside her mouth that made her moan.

I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand. I am not that very innocent when it comes to boys and romance. I do had my boyfriends and I kissed good. But it was a weird feeling to see other people kissing. It’s disgusting.

I heard Trevor’s curse. Nagtago agad ako sa pader para hindi ako makita dahil tapos na silang maghalikan.

“May tao?” Halatang kabado ang babae dahil sa tunog ng boses niya.

“Dito ka lang,” narinig kong sinabi ni Trevor.

Sigurado ako na titignan niya kung may tao ba roon. Kaya bago niya pa ako makita, tumalikod na ako at tatakbo na sana papunta sa girl’s restroom pero naramdaman ko ang mahigpit na kapit sa aking braso.

My heart raced and it scared me to know that he caught me!

Ano ba ang sasabihin ko? Na hindi ko sila nakitang naghahalikan? Akala ko ba ayaw niya sa mas bata sa kanya? Ang gusto niya ay college student din na kagaya niya? Bakit pinatulan niya ang Grade 11 na ’yon?

“Bakit ka naninilip?” malamig ang boses niya.

I closed my eyes tightly and took a breath before I faced him.

He’s still gripping my arm. Iwinaksi ko ’yon para bitawan niya ako. He just loosened up his grip but didn’t let me go.

He’s tall. I just noticed our height difference. My eyes leveled his chin even if I stand five and six inches at the age of sixteen. I could smell his scent. I could feel his heavy stares on me. Para bang kung makikita ko ang mga mata niya sa mga sandaling ito, mapapaso ako sa tingin niya palang.

I’ve never been this physically close to him. I’ve always seen him from afar. I didn’t want to be close to him like what other girls wanted because I simply didn’t like the way he carries himself.

His confidence held arrogance. It’s probably because he knows his worth. He knows that no matter what he does people would still admire him. People in La Carlota would always favor him. They would always look at him as someone who is special because he’s Trevor Monterell.

It took me a moment to finally allowed myself to glance at him. I gulped as I saw how dark and pretty his eyes were while staring sharply at me.

His red lips parted a bit when our eyes met and he sees me face to face.

I leered from the sight of his reddish lips. Thinking about the way he kissed the girl just awhile ago, irked me. He’s really a flirt. Dahil nalaman niya lang na may crush sa kanya ang Grade 11 na ’yon, inaya niya na agad makipaghalikan sa kanya. How cheap!

“Hindi ako naninilip!” I said harshly and pulled my arm from his grip.

“Why are you here then?” He arched his luscious brow.

His hooded eyes were deep, dark and cold like a lonely night during heavy rain. His nose is narrowed that matched with his lips. His jaw is sharp and defined. He’s one hell good looking guy but I am not attracted. Hell, I even hate him. I couldn’t take him.

“I was about to use a restroom-”

“Doon ang girl’s restroom, Chantria,” turo niya sa may likod ko. “At hindi rito.”

I pretended that I got confused about the restrooms. But deep inside of me, I felt a bit amazed that he called me by my name.

“Alam ko.”

“Bakit ka nga nandito? Gusto mo bang halikan din kita?”

My face heated and I swear, I could kick him right now so that he would leave me alone.

Tiningala ko siya. Napansin ko ang pasimpleng hagod ng kanyang mata sa aking labi. Saglit lang ’yon. Tapos ay bumalik sa aking mga mata.

“Bakit ko naman gugustuhin na halikan mo ako? Nakita ko kanina, hindi ka magaling humalik!”

A bark of laughter from him echoed the hallway. Tuwang-tuwa siya sa sinabi ko na hindi niya magawang magalit.

“Talaga ba? Gusto mo subukan natin?” Hamon niya sa akin.

I smirked. “Ayaw ko sa mga college student. Gusto ko ka-edad ko lang.”

The light of amusement on his face turned into gloomy. Parang kulay ng langit bago bumuhos ang ulan.

“Ayaw ko rin sa Grade 10 na hindi pa yata nakakaranas mahalikan.”

“Excuse me? I had my boyfriends before at naghalikan na kami!”

“Gano’n ba? Kumusta naman ang halikan niyo? Masarap ba?” He’s taunting.

I looked away because I didn’t want him to know that I can’t tell if my ex-boyfriends kissed me good or I was the one who is a better kisser.

Magsasalita pa sana ako kaya lang ay mas luminaw na sa aking pandinig ang mga hagikghik at mabibigat na hininga galing pa rin sa boy’s restroom.

“Ano ’yon?” I tried to get to the door to see but Trevor’s hold my arm to stop me.

“Wala. Bumalik ka na kay Yusef.”

“Ano nga ’yon, Trevor? May kasama ka pa sa loob?” Patuloy ko habang kayag-kayag niya ako na para bang paslit na naliligaw.

He successfully brought me to the back door. May mga estudyante na padaan-daan papunta sa mga bench na napapatingin sa amin.

“Trevor, nililigawan mo si Chantria?” sumipol ang grupo ng mga lalaki.

“May ginagawa kayong kababalaghan sa loob? Dapat sa inyo sinusumbong, eh.” Sabi ko at hindi pinansin ang mga nang-aasar.

“Wag ka ng babalik do’n.”

“At bakit?”

He let go of my arm. Then he sighed. “Basta. ’Wag ka ng babalik do’n.”

“Bakit nga?”

“Huwag ka ngang makulit, Chantria. Bumalik ka na kay Yusef,” sabay marahan na tulak-tulak niya sa akin papunta kung nasaan ang kaibigan ko.

Panay naman ang palo ko sa kamay niyang nasa balikat ko. Napapanguso ako kasi parang kuya ko siya at nakababatang kapatid niya ako na pinapagalitan niya.

“Bakit kayo magkasama?” Yusef asked seriously and eyed his cousin.

“Kasi, nakita ko siyang-” Trevor cut me off by covering my mouth with his hand while he’s behind me.

I slapped his hand and even elbowed him, making him chuckled.

Naramdaman ko ang ilong at labi niya sa ibabaw ng ulo ko. Habang patuloy siya sa pag ilag mula sa mga hampas at pag siko ko sa kanya.

“Bango mo, ha,” he muttered playfully, and groaned because I pinched his arm.

My face heated. Kaya pala nararamdaman kong inaamoy niya ang buhok ko! Mabuti nalang at mabango talaga ako.

“You’re so epal, Trevor! Feeling close!” I tried hard to get away from his hold and I succeeded.

He’s smirking when I faced him. Beside me is Yusef who’s still curious why I ended up with his cousin.

“Lagot ka sa ’kin kapag bumalik ka pa do’n,” banta niya sa akin pero inirapan ko lang siya.

1 ~ ATTENTION

CHAPTER ONE

MY parents late night arguments continued. Minsan, nagpapanggap nalang akong hindi sila naririnig. Dahil sa madalas na pag-aaway nilang dalawa, madalas din na wala si daddy sa mansion. Mas pinipili niyang mag trabaho nalang kaysa manatili sa amin.

“Akala mo hindi ko alam? I am not stupid, Henrich! I know where you are whenever you are not here!” I heard my mom’s angry voice.

“Hindi ko alam ’yang sinasabi mo, Rafa.” My dad is more calm compared to my mom.

They are inside our library room. Kahit sa labas ng pinto, rinig na rinig ang bangayan nilang dalawa.

“Reva, halika na. Magpahinga ka na,” aya sa akin ni Soledad at hinawakan ako sa braso.

“Hindi ko maintindihan kung ano talaga ang pinag-aawayan nila, Soledad. Bakit hindi nila ma-solusyunan ang problema?”

Narinig ko na sumigaw si mommy at biglang may nabasag sa loob. Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko at tinakbo ulit ang library room. They always fought but I never heard that kind of noise. It worried me that they might hurt each other because of a heated argument. I didn’t want them to end up like that. I didn’t want my parents to deal with physical pain.

“Reva!” Soledad called me but I ignored her and pushed the door of the library.

“Mommy! Daddy!” My heart is beating loud and at the same time I feel the needs to breath.

“Nangako ka! Nangako ka!” My mother is kneeling in front of my father, while crying.

“Mommy…” I walked towards them but my father raised his hand so that I wouldn’t continue my steps.

He slowly kneel down too and held my mother’s shaky hands. Ngunit ayaw pahawak ni mommy. Patuloy ang pag iyak niya kahit na nanghihina na siya.

To witnessed my mother in that kind of pain is breaking my heart.

I didn’t have idea what’s really going on with my parents. Or what are the reasons why they were always fighting? They never told me. Soledad seemed knew about it but she kept it from me!

“You need to rest-”

“Damn you! Damn you!”

My father sighed. “Palagi mo akong inaaway kaya hindi nalang ako umuuwi-”

“Liar! You have other reason why you don’t stay here!”

“Mommy…” tuluyan na akong lumapit para aluin din siya. “Magpahinga ka na po, please.”

My beautiful mother already losing her weight. Her color is pale.

It’s painful to see her in that condition while she’s also hurting because of what’s going on with her relationship to her beloved husband.

“Bakit hindi mo nalang hintayin na mamatay ako bago ka-”

“Rafa!”

“Mommy!”

We cut her off right away. I didn’t want to hear any more of this!

I will do everything that I can do for her to continue living with us. Hindi ko hahayaan na mawawala si mommy sa amin. Hindi ko ’yon kakayanin. Sigurado ako! My lips trembled and my tears pooled my eyes. Nilakasan ko nalang ang loob ko para hindi lalo panghinaan ng loob ang aking ina.

I held her warm hands and squeezed them gently. Maybe, my mother is just so frustrated because she’s sick. Pero patuloy naman ang gamutan niya kaya bakit ba siya nalulungkot pa ng husto? Kung gagaling naman sa gamot ang sakit niya?

“Umalis ka na! Umalis ka na!” Taboy ni mommy kay daddy.

My father shook his head. He also looked frustrated but he’s still willing to deal with my mother’s behavior.

“Hindi ako aalis.”

“Baka naghihintay na sa’yo ang-”

“Walang naghihitay sa akin, Rafa! Wala!” Medyo galit na rin si daddy at malalim na bumuntong hininga.

I swallowed hard when something inside my head popped up. Ayaw kong isipin na baka iyon ang dahilan kung bakit nag-aaway ang magulang ko. Alam kong hindi magagawa ni daddy ’yon. Mahal niya si mommy. Mahal niya kami. He will never turn his back on us just for another woman. I am confident that my father will not do things that will ruin our family.

But I think, I was wrong all this time. I believed with the lies I kept in my head just so I could continue believing that our family is still the same… it’s still complete and never broken.

Rumors about my father’s infidelity spread like a wildfire in La Carlota. There were no solid evidence to support it, but it didn’t stop the gossip about Henrich Alcander, the President of Alcander Homes, is having a secret affair while his wife is sick.

“Nakita raw sa Bacolod na may kasamang magandang babae. Nag check-in sa hotel.”

“Noong opening ng bagong subdivision, naroon din pero ibang babae naman daw ang kausap.”

“May nakakita rin noong nasa Maynila. Sa hospital. May kasama rin na parehong babae.”

Iba-iba ang mga balitang naririnig ko tungkol sa aking mahal na ama. Ngunit hindi ko magawang paniwalaan. Dahil gusto ko, ako mismo ang makakita kung may babae nga talaga siya.

Because of the problems I have with my parents, because of the lack of care and love from them, and because of my father’s rumor about his infidelity, I suddenly felt the need of attention. At ayaw ko mang aminin, sa ibang tao ko ’yon gustong maramdaman.

I started having more boyfriends. I want their attention. I want how they cared for me. Pa iba-iba nga lang dahil hindi naman nagtatagal talaga.

“Sinagot mo na si Nathan?” Yusef asked me during our lunch inside the canteen this time.

“Yes.” I grinned.

But he knows me enough that he only sneered.

“Pang ilan boyfriend na siya sa buwan na ’to?”

“Pangalawa palang. Ayaw ko na kay Jason. Hindi masarap humalik.”

“At tingin mo, masarap humalik si Nathan?”

“Malalaman ko palang,” sabay tawa ko dahil nandidiri akong tinignan ng kaibigan ko.

“You’re so conservative!”

“Ikaw, ha! Nagiging playgirl ka na, Chantria. Kapag ikaw nabuntis-buntis diyan.”

“Buntis agad?” I arched my eyebrow. “Kiss lang naman ginagawa namin!”

“Paano kapag hindi mo napigilan ang sarili mo?”

“I can control myself. I know how to handle boys, Yusef. Don’t worry about me.”

“Of course, I will worry about you. You are my only best friend. Ayoko lang na baka sa huli, ikaw ang masasaktan dahil diyan sa ginagawa mo.”

I understand my best friend. I know what I do. I know my limitations. It’s just that… I really need some care and love. Kulang na kulang na ako sa atensyon galing sa magulang ko, ipagkakait ko pa ba ang sarili sa iba na handang ibigay ang kulang sa akin?

But, am I happy though with what I am doing?

Sometimes I was. Most of the time, I was not.

So far, si Nathan ang medyo tumagal na boyfriend ko dahil palagi niya akong sinusunod sa lahat ng gusto ko.

Uwian na namin pero kailangan ko siyang hintayin dahil cleaners siya. Samantalang si Yusef naman ay kailangan ng umuwi dahil masama ang pakiramdam.

“Sino kaya ang pambato natin sa Intrams?” Nag-uusap ang mga kaklase ko.

“Ikaw, Chantria, gusto mo bang sumali sa Miss Intrams?”

“Ayoko.”

“Sayang! Ang ganda ganda mo pa naman. Maputi at matangkad pa. Sali ka na!”

“Ayaw ko nga eh. Wala akong talent.”

Maganda lang talaga ako pero wala akong talent. Ayos na ’yon sa ’kin. Hindi rin ako matalino kagaya ng iba kong kaklase pero wala akong pakialam. Basta pasado. That’s what really matters for me.

I will still be the heiress of Alcander Homes despite not being intelligent. Ang pag-aaralan ko sa kolehiyo ay kung paano mamahala ng negosyo. Doon nalang ako magsisikap ng todo para maging handa ako kapag dumating na ang araw na ipapamana sa akin ni daddy ang real estate company niya.

Dapi’t hapon na nang makarating kami sa likod ng Gymnasium. Palagi kaming nagpupunta roon bago umuwi dahil doon kami naghahalikan. Walang istorbo sa amin.

I crouched my head to have a better angle on Nathan’s lips.

He told me that I was his first kiss. I was the one who taught him how to kiss. Mabuti nalang at marunog na siya kahit papano dahil kung hindi, hihiwalayan ko siya. Halik na nga lang ang nagpapasaya sa akin, hindi niya pa maibibigay ng maayos?

After a couple of minutes of kissing, he’s already panting. He stopped and breath.

“Ang sarap mong humalik,” he muttered like he was so drowned with my kisses and looked at my lips.

“Of course.” I whispered confidently.

Nathan is too gentleman for me. He would only kiss me but he would never move his hand to even caress me or what. Palaging tila lunod siya sa mga halik ko na nakakalimutan na gusto ko rin ng mga haplos para mas ganahan ako.

Sinubukan ulit naming maghalikan at ako pa ang humawak sa kamay niya para lang haplusin niya kahit ang aking braso.

I smirked when he caressed my arm while our lips were busy devouring each other.

I cupped his jaw with my palms and about to enter my tongue inside his mouth when I felt his forehead bumped into mine. I winced. Nagkauntugan kami nang tumama sa likod ng ulo niya ang bola ng soccer!

Alam kong masakit ’yon dahil napamura si Nathan habang sapo ang ulo.

“Oh, sorry…” that voice behind Nathan is very familiar to me.

Mula sa mukha ng boyfriend ko, inangat ko ang tingin sa lalaki sa likod niya.

Trevor Monterell on his football uniform and cleats, sweating, while giving me a menacing glare.

“Ikaw pala, Trevor,” sabi pa ni Nathan. Hindi man lang ba siya magagalit?

“Sa susunod mag ingat ka, ha! Para hindi ka nakakatama!” Pagalit na sabi ko kay Trevor.

“Kayong mga bata kayo, uwian niyo na pero nandito pa rin kayo at naghahalikan?” Seryosong sabi niya naman tapos at mariin akong tinitigan na para bang kasalanan ang ginagawa kong pakikipaghalikan.

Boyfriend ko naman si Nathan at hindi kasalanan ’yon!

“Pasensya na. Uuwi na rin kami,” Nathan get my bag and he’s ready to go. Really?

We are not done yet with the kissing! Napaka-istorbo nitong si Trevor!

“Chantria, tara na. Umuwi na tayo. Baka naghihintay na sayo si Mang Delfino.”

I avoided Nathan’s hand that was about to hold my arm. Ayoko pang umuwi. Wala naman akong gagawin sa mansyon namin. Boring. Malulungkot lang ako roon.

“Hindi pa ako uuwi, Nathan. Mauna ka na.”

“Seryoso ka?”

“Oo! Akin na ’yang bag ko,” ibinigay naman niya ang bag ko sa akin.

“Sige. Magkita nalang tayo bukas.”

At ang Nathan, umalis nga roon at iniwan ako.

I crossed my arms above my chest. Ignoring Trevor’s sharp glares on me.

Sa likod niya ay ang football field kung saan kinukulayan ng madilim na kahel ang paligid. Naroon pa ang mga player pati ang coach pero sa tingin ko ay tapos na ang training nila.

“Bakit hindi ka pa umuwi?” He asked me in a cold tone.

I looked up on him only to find out that he’s been staring at me the whole time. Na para bang kanina pa naghihintay ng sulyap ko at nang mapagbigyan, imbes na matuwa, nairita pa.

“Ayaw ko pa.”

“Boyfriend mo ’yon?”

“Yeah.”

“Tapos iniwan ka dito? How stupid.”

“Kailangan niya ng umuwi.”

“Kahit pa. Dapat hindi ka niya iniwan mag isa kahit pa sinabi mo,” tunog nagagalit siya habang sinasabi niya ’yon.

“I don’t wanna go home yet.”

“Dapat sinamahan ka niya.”

“Papagalitan siya ng mama niya kapag ginabi siya ng uwi.”

“Tanga-tanga niya,” he murmured, pissed.

“May alam ka bang tambayan? Bukod sa Cafe Caliente.”

He rubbed his thick eyebrows in a problematic way using the back of his index finger as he watched me. Animo hindi alam kung ano ang gagawin sa akin.

The ball between his feet made him more attractive. I didn’t know that he’s into football. I never seen him play.

“Bakit ayaw mong umuwi sa inyo? Malapit ng gumabi. Hindi ba naghihintay sayo ang driver niyo?”

“I already texted Delfino that I’m gonna be late. At huwag niya na akong sunduin dito.”

“At paano ka uuwi?”

“I’ll ride tricycle nalang.”

Sayang. Umuwi na si Nathan. Sabay pa naman sana kami sa tricycle.

“Ang layo ng bahay niyo…”

“Ayos lang. I can afford the pamasahe.”

Umihip ang hangin at mas lalo kong naramdaman ang pagdidilim ng paligid. Nang tignan ko ang field, naglalakad na papunta sa gawi namin ang teammates ni Trevor at ang coach.

“Wag kang maniwala diyan, Chantria. May girlfriend ’yan,” sumipol ang isang player.

“Two timer ’yang si Monterell. ’Wag kang papaloko,” sabay halakhak nila.

“Mga gago talaga kayo!” Trevor chuckled and kicked the ball towards his teammates.

If only Yusef is available tonight, I wouldn’t be this stress thinking where to spend the rest of the time before I go home.

“Gusto mong sumama sa akin?”

I stood up right away when he asked me that. Umangat ang isang kilay niya dahil sa reaksyon kong ’yon.

“Sure.” I answered quickly without thinking where he will take me.

“Magbibihis lang ako. Sa loob mo na ako hintayin. Magdidilim na dito.”

I followed Trevor towards the back door.

He went to where his teammates were. I waited for him because I didn’t have anything to do.

Nagsilabasan ang mga player at lahat ay malinis na dahil nakapagpalit na ng mga damit.

“Oh, nandito ka pa? Hinihintay mo si Trevor?” The coach asked me.

“Opo.”

“Sabihin mo sa kanya na huwag masyadong mabilis ang pagpapatakbo ng motor. Mahirap na at madilim ang kalsada.”

“Sasabihin ko po, coach.”

Trevor went out wearing a white t-shirt and dark pants.

I noticed that his hair is wet. He probably took a quick shower, huh. Buti naman. Ayaw kong maka-amoy ng pawis. But well, he smells good. So, even if he’s sweating a while ago, he didn’t have a smell.

Together with his other teammates who continued teasing us, we walked to the parking. He stopped to where his motorcycle is.

Alam ko na ’yon ang gamit niya kapag nagpupunta sa eskwelahan dahil nakikita ko na siya na sakay niyon. Hindi ko lang inaasahan na pati pala ako ay makakasakay do’n. I can’t remember myself riding a motocycle. So, this will be my very first time.

“Ikaw nalang ang magsuot nitong helmet,” he gave the black helmet to me.

I am not that stupid so I know how to wear it. Kaya lang hindi ko ’yon maayos na ma-i-lock na kailangan ko pang hubarin ulit para tignan ang lock.

I tried it on again and unfortunately, my fingers couldn’t figure the right way of locking it!

I heard him sigh before I saw him took a step closer until he’s in front of me.

“Sira yata ang lock eh…” I said that as an excuse.

“Hindi ka lang marunong,” he murmured and with his serious eyes, he locked the thing under my chin for me.

I swallowed when I felt the sudden fast beating of my heart when he leveled our faces and found my eyes with his.

“Ang sabi ng coach mo, huwag ka raw mabilis magpatakbo.” Sabi ko para itago na rin ang kaba na bigla kong naramdaman ngayong titig na titig siya sa akin.

Naipikit ko ang aking mga mata nang mahina niyang tapikin ang ibabaw ng helmet na para bang ako ang ginigising niya. Samantalang, siya itong titig na titig sa akin!

I slapped his abdomen that made him chuckled.

Sumakay siya sa motor at tumingin siya sa akin. Naghihintay na sumakay din ako.

“First time ko sumakay sa motor kaya huwag mong bilisan,” bilin ko sa kanya. “Baka mahulog ako.”

“Sumakay ka na,” he ignored what I said and jerked his shoulder for me to hold on to that as a support.

When I touched his shoulder, I realized how hard his body was. Hindi man lang siya natinag nang sumampa ako sa motor niya at naibigay sa kanya ang bigat ko.

“Trevor! Where to put my bag?” I panicked because he roared the engine and I didn’t know how to hold my bag!

“Akin na,” inilahad niya ang isang kamay para ibigay ko sa kanya ’yon.

Nakita ko na isinabit niya ’yon sa bandang harapan niya. He looked at me above his shoulder.

“Yumakap ka sa akin,” he commanded.

Ayoko. Pero… saan ako kakapit? Kundi sa kanya lang.

“Kailangan ba yayakap talaga? As in hug? Like… I’m gonna hug you?”

“Kung ayaw mo akong yakapin, bahala ka. Mahuhulog ka.”

Threatened by the fact that I might lose my balance and fall off the ground if I didn’t hug him, I obeyed him.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and made sure I could intertwined my fingers above his abdomen. I didn’t expect my face to get heated up with our position.

We were not close. We are not even friends. And here I am, getting physically close to him as if we’ve known each other for so long. I wasn’t that very comfortable but I feel safe now that I am hugging him.

“Is this okay?” I whispered as I heard the loud beating of my damn heart.

I closed my eyes tightly and hoped that he wouldn’t feel the chaos inside my chest.

“Yeah,” his voice is raspy.

When the motorcycle started to move, I feel the thrill of it. That I had to embraced him more to make sure that I’m not gonna fall once we are already at the road.

“Nakita ko na rin ang ganitong eksena. Alam ko na kung saan ang hantong,” narinig kong sabi ng gwardiya.

Bumusina si Trevor bilang pagbati at pagpapaalam.

“Mag-ingat, Trevor, Chantria. Gabi na.”

“Opo, manong!” Iyon lang ang nasabi ko bago pumikit ulit dahil bumilis na ng bahagya ang takbo ng motorsiklo.

The cold breeze embraced me like how I embraced Trevor Monterell.

Idinilat ko ang aking mga mata pagkatapos ng ilang minuto. Binabaybay na namin ang malubak at may kadiliman na lugar kaya medyo natakot ako.

“Trevor, ligtas ba rito? Wala naman haharang sa atin?”

“Minsan may bigla nalang tatawid na white lady pero sanay na ako.”

I gasped and hug him even tighter. I even closed my eyes because I am afraid I would see a damn white lady!

Narinig ko ang biglang tawa niya sa gitna ng tahimik na daan.

I pinched his hard abdomen that made him curse.

“That’s not funny!”

“I was just joking. Mukha kang suplada pero matatakutin ka pala.”

I enjoyed my first ride on a motorcycle but I was also annoyed because he kept on talking about ghost while we were in the middle of dark rocky roads! Alam niyang takot ako pero ipinagpatuloy niya pa rin ang mga kwento niya.

“Trevor, halika, kumain na muna kayo,” ang boses na iyon ay hindi pamilyar sa akin.

All I know is we are in front of Silvano’s house. Hindi ’yon malaki. Isang palapag lang at sa tingin ko ay tama lang sa isang maliit na pamilya.

“Tita, may kasama po ako. Si Chantria,” pakilala sa akin ni Trevor pagkatapos niyang tanggalin ang helmet sa ulo ko.

I glanced at the woman in front of the door. She’s wearing a long pambahay dress and her hair is in messy classy bun. Her skin is creamy and I know by then that is Silvano’s mother. They are not really from La Carlota. They just moved here years ago.

“Si Tita Zafira, Mama ni Silvano.”

Tinanggap ko ang malambot na kamay ni Tita Zafira. Ngumiti siya sa akin.

“Galing pa kayo niyan sa eskwelahan?” She asked when she saw me still wearing my school uniform.

“Ah, opo.”

Dumeretso agad kami sa hapag. Doon ko lang naramdaman ang gutom ko.

“Nasaan po si Silvano?” Tanong ko.

“Nasa Playa Azure na. Night shift daw siya. Marami daw kasing guest ngayon.”

I shifted on my sit. I know Silvano but not that much.

“Po? Ano po ang ginagawa niya do’n?”

Nagkatinginan si Tita Zafira at Trevor.

“Part time job,” si Trevor ang sumagot.

“Ikaw ba, hijo, hindi ka papasok sa trabaho ngayong gabi?”

Nabitin ang sana ay pagtikhim ko sa tinolang manok dahil sa tanong ni Tita Zafira kay Trevor.

“Hindi na po siguro. Ihahatid ko pa si Chantria sa kanila.”

I think, I get it. So, Silvano is having a part time job in Playa Azure. And Trevor has a job too? Anong trabaho niya? At bakit siya nagtatrabaho? Di ba, mayaman sila?

“M-May trabaho ka rin?” I can hear the confusion from my own voice.

Trevor sipped on his water before he nodded his head.

“Saan? Anong trabaho mo?”

“Sa azucarera nila Grego. Tuwing gabi.”

I felt like I’m gonna get choked. Mabilis kong ininom ang tubig sa baso ko at pinangalahatian ’yon.

Trevor is working in Almendarez sugarcane every night? Paano siya makakapasok kung ihahatid niya pa ako sa amin mamaya?

“Uh, magpapasundo nalang ako dito kay Delfino. Wag mo na akong ihatid sa amin para makapasok ka pa sa trabaho mo, Trevor.”

He put down his utensils and looked at me. I pursed my lips and avoided his gaze.

Tita Zafira on the other hand, is casually eating. Using the right utensils. Even the way she eats, feels right… para bang hindi mapagkakamalan na medyo naghihirap sa buhay. O siguro, judgemental lang ako at iniisip na mahirap sila dahil mayaman kami.

“Ihahatid kita. Bukas nalang ako papasok sa azucarera. Buong araw ako doon dahil Sabado.”

Even though, I wanted him to go to work, I also like the idea that we are going to ride on his motorcycle again going back home.

And I think, I’m being selfish, huh. Na gusto kong ideya na mas pinili niyang ihatid ako sa amin kaysa mag trabaho ngayong gabi. But this is what I like, right? I want attention. Suddenly, I want his attention, too.

2 ~ BOYFRIEND

CHAPTER TWO

WHEN it’s already seven in the evening, Soledad called me, asking me where am I. Sinabi ko sa kanya na nasa bahay ako ng kaklase ko dahil may activity kami. Kung wala si Soledad, sino ang makaka-isip na tawagan ako para kamustahin?

My father is always busy. If I didn’t text him, he wouldn’t text me. My mother is sick. I don’t even know if she cares for me or maybe she forgot that she have a daughter. Nagtatampo ako ng husto sa aking magulang pero hindi ko magawang magalit.

May mabigat na dahilan sila pareho kaya parang nakakalimutan na nila ako. Gusto ko mang humingi ng atensyon, o ibalik ang pagmamahal na ibinigay nila sa akin noon, hindi ko na mahingi sa kanila ang importanteng bagay na ’yon.

Sarili ko nalang ang kakampi ko. Kailangan na alagaan ko ang sarili ko. I need to love myself and I need to make myself happy. So that I won’t be eaten by sadness.

“Magpapahatid nalang ako. Huwag na po kayong mag abala na sunduin ako dito.”

“Kumain ka na ba diyan, Reva?”

“I’m done eating here.”

“Mag text or tumawag ka kapag pauwi ka na. Nagtatanong ang mommy mo kung nasaan ka.”

I feel the warm palm that suddenly caressed my heart. I get easily emotional every time Soledad told me that mommy is asking about me and if she’s worried for me whenever I am not home.

Mommy is getting weaker and weaker. I don’t understand why she doesn’t want to follow up with her doctor. Pakiramdam ko, walang kwenta ang maraming gamot na iniinom niya. Parang iyon pa ang nagpapahina sa katawan niya. Wala rin siyang ganang kumain kaya tuloy lalo nang nangayayat.

Natapos ang tawag at ibinaba ko ang cellphone sa lamesa sa gilid ko. I almost jumped on my feet when I saw Trevor near the door where I was sitting. He’s standing there while looking at me.

“Why did you lie?” He asked me in a curious way.

He might heard my conversation with Soledad. Ibig sabihin, kanina pa siya naroon at hindi ko lang napansin.

“So they would easily understand why I’m gonna be late.”

“That’s not right, Chantria.”

I leered. Ayoko na nakikialam siya sa akin. But I think maybe he’s just worried because we are together. Kung may mangyari sa akin, siya ang malalagot. At hindi ang mga kaklase kong sinabi kong kasama ko.

“Ihahatid na kita sa inyo-”

“Ayoko pa ngang umuwi!”

He sighed.

“Gusto ko rin mag trabaho,” nasabi ko bigla dahil naisip na wala akong gagawin sa Sabado at Linggo.

“Huwag mong gawing laro ang pagtatrabaho.”

“I don’t have anything to do during weekends. Unless, Yusef is not busy so we would see each other.”

“See your boyfriend then.”

I rolled my eyes. I almost forgot that I have a boyfriend. Mayroon pala? Si Nathan.

“Magkasama na nga kami during weekdays, pati ba naman weekends?” I dramatically sighed.

Trevor remained standing just near me… on my left side. We are both watching some tricycle that passing through in front of the rusty gate.

“Bakit ka nga pala nandito? Dito ka ba nakatira?”

“Minsan lang ako dito.”

“Bakit nga? Ayaw mo rin sa inyo?”

Hindi siya nagsalita. Baka nga ayaw din niya sa kanila. See? Baka pareho pa silang bored sa mansion kaya naghahanap ng mapaglilibangan.

“Ayaw ko na sa amin. Kung puwede lang na lumayas na ako do’n—”

“What are you talking about?” He cut me off harshly. “May sakit ang mommy mo, tapos lalayas ka? Nag-iisip ka ba, Chantria?”

He talked boldly that it hurts. Because he hits the right spot to make me realize that the words that just came out from my mouth is not right.

Tama naman siya eh. Bakit ba naisipan kong lumayas sa amin samantalang may sakit si mommy? Doon ko pa talaga naisipan ang paglalayas ko? At kung sakali, saan naman ako magpupunta? Kila Silvano? Magpapa-ampon din ako kay Tita Zafira?

I suddenly imagine my dear mother’s image; sick and crying because I left home.

Parang tinutusok ng punyal ang puso ko dahil sa mga maling naiisip ko. Dapat ay hindi ko iwan na mag isa si mommy. She needs me. She needs strength. Especially now that daddy is not always home.

My tears pooled my eyes as I realized how stupid I was for even thinking of leaving my sick mother.

I covered my eyes with my palms even though I know he will see that I am crying.

I heard him muttered a curse but he didn’t bother to say anything anymore. He just let me cry in silence until I heard my own sobs.

Baka alam ni Trevor ang pinagdadaanan ko? Maybe he knew about the rumor about my father’s secret affair? Maybe he would get the hint why I suddenly don’t want to be home because I don’t feel happy anymore being there. But whenever I think about my mom, I couldn’t help but to be angry at myself because I am so selfish to even think of leaving her.

“Bakit umiiyak?” I heard Tita Zafira’s low voice from inside the house while talking to Trevor.

“May problema lang po sa pamilya niya.”

Umiiyak akong mag-isa at iniisip ang mga araw na hindi ko binibisita man lang si mommy sa kwarto niya. Doon ko natanto na ang tanga tanga ko at ang sama sama ko para makayanan na hindi siya masilip man lang.

After a long while, Trevor gave me a glass of water. Kinuha ko ’yon at ininom.

“Sabihin mo lang kung gusto mo ng umuwi.”

“M-Mamaya na.”

I was about to wipe my remaining tears when he handed me a white handkerchief.

Nag angat ako ng tingin sa kanya. He looked serious and annoyed at the same time. Hindi ko alam kung bakit siya halatang naiinis. Baka iniisip niya na masyado akong maarte at umiyak pa talaga ako.

Ngumuso ako at humikbi bago kinuha ang panyo na ibinigay niya sa akin.

“Hindi mo kailangan mag trabaho tuwing Sabado at Linggo. Gamitin mo ang mga araw na ’yon na kasama ang mommy mo.” Sabi niya sa akin na imbes na mamangha ako dahil gano’n siya mag isip, nasaktan lang ako dahil tama siya.

I should use my weekends to spend time with my mom. May sakit siya. Dapat ay naroon ako palagi sa tabi niya.

“Huwag mo na ulit iisipin ang paglalayas. Mahihirapan ka mabuhay mag isa dahil lumaki ka sa karangyaan.”

“Bakit ikaw naglayas sa inyo? Lumaki ka rin naman sa karangyaan?” Napahikbi ako habang tinatanong siya.

“I have my reason. Kaya kong magpatuloy sa buhay kahit nahihirapan. Kaya ko ang sarili ko.”

“At sa tingin mo, hindi ko kaya ang sarili ko?” I asked softly.

Bumuntonghininga siya.

“Bata ka pa. Sa ngayon, isipin mo nalang ang kalagayan ng mommy mo. Isipin mo kung paano mo siya mapapasaya o kung paano ka makakatulong sa kanya para lumakas siya.”

I didn’t know him enough. I easily judged him just because he is a playboy. Hindi ko akalain na ganito siya mag isip. Na ang katulad niyang halos sambahin ng mga tao, ang katulad niyang lumaki sa karangyaan, at tiyak na nasunod ang mga luho, ay ganito na kalalım kaagad ang paraan ng pakikipag-usap sa akin.

He’s matured. I just realized it. I’ve always seen him just playing around with his friends and with his girls, that I thought he doesn’t care about his future. Because why would he cares if he could get anything he wants because he’s a Monterell?

“Lalo siyang nanghihina. Parang hindi effective ang mga gamot na ibinibigay ng doktor niya. Palagi rin siyang galit. Dahil siguro kay daddy. I don’t know how could I help her.”

He shifted his weight. He crossed his one arm above his chest. Ipinatong nito ang isang siko sa braso na ’yon habang ang darili ay maingat na pinaglalaruan ang labi.

“Bakit hindi niyo subukan na dalhin siya sa Maynila para doon magpatingin?”

“Mommy doesn’t like to go to Manila for it. Sinabi ko na ’yan sa kanya. Gagaling daw siya dito. Kahit sa tingin ko, hindi naman.”

“Hmm…”

It seemed like we are both thinking on what is best to do to help my mother.

“You need to convince her, Chantria. Or convince your dad.”

“Magka-away sila. Mommy won’t listen to him. Hindi nga umuuwi sa amin si daddy.”

Hindi ko na napapansin ang sarili ko sa unti-unti kong pagbahagi kay Trevor tungkol sa mga problema ko sa amin. It was like a breath of fresh air to share everything that bothers me to him. I feel a bit lighter after our talk.

Nagpaalam ako kay tita Zafira na uuwi na ako. Niyakap niya ako at naramdaman ko agad ang marahan na init na galing sa yakap niya… ang klase ng yakap na nararamdaman ko lang sa tuwing niyayakap ako noon ni mommy. That motherly hug always comforted me.

“Trevor, mag-iingat, ha? Ingatan mo ’yan si Chantria.”

“Opo, tita. Mag i-Ingat po kami,” ako ang sumagot. “Salamat po sa dinner.”

We bid our goodbyes after Trevor put his helmet on my head. He used another helmet for him. Dahil hindi siya pinayagan umalis ni tita Zafira na wala siyang helmet.

It was a long ride for me even though it only took us like fifteen minutes to get to our mansion. The large gate is automatic and it opened right away when the camera detected my face.

Ayaw kong maglakad sa driveway dahil medyo mahabang lakaran ’yon kaya pinapasok ko sa loob ang motorsiklo. Sa parking ay nakita ko agad ang sasakyan ni daddy. Halatang kadarating lang din nito.

“Dad!” I called his attention when I saw him entering our mansion’s door.

Trevor parked his motorcycle just near my dad’s car.

Mabilis akong bumaba at hindi ko na siya hinintay pa. My father looked shocked to see me probably because I’m still wearing a helmet.

“Dad, I’m glad you’re here. I have something to tell you.”

He couldn’t kiss me because of the helmet. At dahil hindi ko alam kung paano ’yon alisin, kailangan ko pang lumingon kay Trevor.

Naabutan ko siyang tahimik na inalis ang helmet niya at ipinatong sa upuan ng motor niya bago siya bumaling sa akin.

“Daddy, si Trevor Monterell po. Do you know him?”

“Good evening, Sir,” he greeted politely.

But my father’s stoic face made me think that he’s not please to see me with Trevor.

“Trevor, can you please remove my helmet?” I asked him, ignoring the sharp glares my father gave to Trevor.

Lumapit siya sa akin at maingat na inalis sa akin ang helmet. He even fixed some of the strands of my hair that covered my forehead.

“Bakit ginabi ka ng uwi?” Daddy asked me but his eyes glued to Trevor.

“Uh, may activity po sa school. Wala ng tricycle kayo nagpahatid po ako sa kanya.”

“Bakit hindi ka nagpasundo kay Delfino?”

“Gabi na po kasi, daddy.”

“Delikado bumyahe tuwing gabi. Naka motor pa kayo. Sa susunod, magpasundo ka nalang.”

My father left us there without even acknowledeging Trevor’s presence.

“Sorry ’bout that,” I apologized for my father’s cold behavior.

He shrugged his shoulders as if that’s nothing.

“Salamat sa paghatid sa akin. Mag ingat ka pabalik.”

“Okay. Pasok ka na.”

Umiling ako. Ayaw ko pang pumasok dahil gusto kong panoorin siyang lumabas sa gate namin. Gusto kong sa paraan man lang na iyon ay maihatid ko siya. Kahit tanaw lang.

He looked at me for a long while before he wears his helmet and ride his motorcycle.

“Sana walang white lady na tumawid mamaya,” I joked that made him laughed heartily.

Nangiti ako dahil sa tawa niya.

“Kahit marami pang white lady ang tumawid, hindi ako matatakot.” He roared his motorcycle a bit, then glanced at me one more time.

I furrowed my eyebrows at him because I noticed that the smile on my lips is still there. Saya mo, Chantria, ha?

“Huwag mong sagasaan ’yung white lady!” Pahabol ko sa kanya kaya narinig ko muli ang munting tawa niya.

I waved my hand when he beeped as a sign of goodbye. Pinanood ko siya hanggang sa mawala siya sa dilim.

“Sino ’yon? Manliligaw mo?” Napaigtad ako sa boses ni Soledad sa aking likod.

Sinapo ko ang aking dibdib. I can still feel the fast beating of my heart.

She poked my waist playfully. “Oh, nakangiti ka. Nanliligaw o boyfriend?”

“Kaibigan,” sabay irap ko sa kanya.

“Sus. Itinatanggi pa. Ang sabi ni Delfino, may boyfriend ka na raw eh. Siya ba? Di ba, anak ni Cong.?”

“Oo. Papa niya. Pero hindi ko siya boyfriend. Anyway, nasaan si daddy? Kakausapin ko siya.”

“Nandoon sa silid ng mommy mo. Kaya lang ay tulog na si Madame. Baka sisilipin lang niya.”

Naglakad kami papasok. Sa pangalawang palapag, nakita ko na lumabas si daddy mula sa kwarto nila.

“Gusto kong kausapin si daddy tungkol sa pagpapagamot ni mommy sa Maynila.”

“Ngayon na ang pagkakataon mo, Reva. Baka mamaya ay umalis ulit si Sir Henrich.”

“Dad!” I called him when he was about to enter our library room.

Nilingon niya ako at hinintay na bagtasin ang hagdanan bago ako makarating sa kanya.

“What is it, anak?”

“Can I talk to you?”

“Okay. Let’s go inside.”

He took a glass and poured it with whisky. Then he sat on his swivel chair.

I remained standing with my school uniform. This will be quick. I just want him to know what I want for mommy. Maybe he could help me convince her to have her checked in Manila. I’m sure, he wants it bad too.

“Dad, I know you’re not in good terms with mom now, but can you still help me convince her going to Manila? Can you see that she’s getting more weak here? Hindi na po tumatalab ang mga gamot na ibinigay ng doktor.”

“I’ve been telling her that, anak. But your mom insisted that she will be fine with the medicine her doctor’s gave her.”

“But she’s not! Mas lalo po siyang nangangayayat. Ang sabi ni Soledad, wala rin daw pong ganang kumain si mommy. Kaya siguro bumagsak na ang pangangatawan niya.”

“Hayaan mo at kakausapin ko ulit ang mommy mo bukas.”

“Are you gonna stay here tonight?” I can feel my face lit up because of that.

“Yes. I’m tired of sleeping in my office or somewhere else.”

He sips on his alcohol. My dad is older than my mom. He’s on his early forties and still very good looking.

Kung may ibang babae man siya, sana naman ay tigilan na nila. I will never accept it if ever the rumors were true. I would be angry at him, I would hate him, if that happened, but I know deep inside of me that despite of the pain he would give us, I would still love him. I would still ask for his love and attention. Because he’s my father.

“Dad, is it true…” I slowly muttered. “… the rumors about you.”

“Don’t believe with the rumors, please.”

“But-”

“Chantria, anak, alam kong nahihirapan ka sa sitwasyon namin ng mommy mo, at sa kalagayan niya. Ayokong dagdagan pa ang problema mo dahil sa akin. ’Wag mo akong isipin.”

“Pero daddy…” naiiyak na ako.

“Come…” he extended his arm so that I would come closer to him.

Para akong bumalik sa pagkabata noong mga panahon na sasalubungin ko siya na nakabukas ang mga braso sa tuwing darating galing sa trabaho. I missed those days… I missed my little family but happy and complete.

I embraced my father tightly and he did the same to me.

I couldn’t help my emotion that I allowed myself to cry on his chest.

“I’m sorry for my absences. Gulung-gulo rin ako, anak. Kung alam mo lang…” his voice almost cracked and I hate to hear it because I don’t want to feel that he’s hurting too.

To know that the only man who I pictured as a strong man is in pain, is like a bitter pill that’s hard to swallow. Tila ang hirap paniwalaan na nasasaktan din ang ama ko kahit na marami na ang mga nagsasabi na nagtataksil siya kay mommy. But here he is, with me, allowing himself to be weak and vulnerable. Away from other people’s eyes.

I got exhausted from crying. Kaya inihatid na ako ni daddy sa silid ko para makapagpahinga at makatulog.

The next morning, I visit mom’s room. She’s awake and still trying to live her life despite her condition.

Wala na si daddy ng magising ako. Ang sabi ni Soledad, maagang umalis patungo sa Bacolod.

“Sino ang naghatid sayo kagabi, anak? Hindi ka raw nagpasundo kay Delfino?”

Inalalayan ko siyang makaupo sa tapat ng balkonahe ng kanilang silid para makalanghap siya ng sariwang hangin.

“Kaibigan ko po. Si Trevor.”

“Trevor?”

“Trevor Monterell. Anak po ni Congressman.”

“Oh, kaya naman pala ang aga aga ay pinagalitan ni Henrich si Delfino.”

“Po?”

I got confused. Akala ko ba naipaliwanag ko na kay daddy ang hindi pagsundo sa akin ni Delfino? Ako naman ang nagsabi niyon. Hindi kasalanan ng driver namin!

“Hindi pa rin yata maka move on ’yang daddy mo kaya hanggang ngayon ay galit kay Efrain. Pati ang anak ay idinadamay niya pa.”

Hindi na ako makasabay sa sinasabi ni mommy. Nakakunot lang ang noo ko.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, mom. Nagkita naman po si daddy at Trevor kagabi.”

Umismid si mommy. Kahit maputla siya at bumagsak ang katawan. Mababanaag pa rin ang taglay niyang ganda. People assumed that I got my look from my mother. My beauty is not an angelic type. Medyo matapang kaya madalas na napagkakamalan na maldita ako o kaya’y suplada.

I have a pair of upturned eyes with natural thick eyelashes. The honey brown color of my eyes, my high nose bridge and a heart shaped lips, are the reasons why people admired my beauty because it wasn’t the kind of beauty that they used to see everyday. My hair is long and shiny that it reached my waist and in dark chocolate color. I have a milky skin in cool tone that easily gets red once I stayed longer under the sun. The reason why I always have my umbrella with me.

Ibang-iba ang kulay ng aking balat kumpara sa mga tao sa La Carlota. I-ilan lang ang nakikita ko sa eskwelahan namin na mapuputi. Ang iba, talagang sunog na sa sikat ng araw. But there are boys in our school that I found attractive because of the dark shades of their skin. Nathan is one of them. And… Trevor as well.

Speaking of him, I should’ve asked for his cellphone number. I wanna be friends with him. Marami siyang kaibigan at halatang marami silang tinatambayan. Gusto kong sumama sa kanila kapag abala si Yusef.

But then, I remembered him saying that I should spend my free time with my mom.

I pouted and imagining him… scolding me because I didn’t stay at home during weekends.

My phone beep for a text message. I know who it was. At hindi ko alam sa sarili ko kung bakit bigla akong nawalan ng gana kay Nathan. I even think of breaking up with him on Monday!

“Totoo bang may boyfriend ka na, Chantria?” My mom asked me after she heard my phone.

“I have a boyfriend but I will break up with him, mommy.”

She laughed softly. “Bakit naman? Hindi naman kita pinagbabawalan, ah?”

“Nagsasawa na po ako. Ayaw ko na po munang mag boyfriend.”

“Kapag araw-araw kasi kayong magkasama ng boyfriend mo, nakakasawa naman talaga ’yon, anak. Dapat piliin mo ’yung hindi kayo palaging nagkikita para may mga araw na namimiss niyo ang isa’t-isa.”

“Gano’n po ba ’yon?”

“That’s only my opinion. Hindi ’yon nag-wo-work sa ibang relasyon.”

“Kung gano’n, dapat ba college student ang gawin kong boyfriend? Kasi magkaiba ang building namin. Hindi kami palaging magkikita.”

I wanna slap myself when I thought about Trevor Monterell being my boyfriend!

Really, Reva Chantria? May lihim ka yatang pagnanasa sa lalaking ’yon eh. Gusto mo agad maging boyfriend. Hindi naman ’yon papatol sa mga bata pa.

“Baka naman nanliligaw sa ’yo ang anak ni Efrain? Your father would’ve a heart attack once he discovered that his unica hija is having a relationship with a Monterell.”

I smirked and didn’t stop thinking about Trevor being my next boyfriend. Kahit alam ko naman na hindi niya ako papatulan dahil sixteen palang ako. Ano naman? Libre lang naman ang mangarap muna. Baka kapag eighteen na ako, puwede na kami?

3 ~ SING

CHAPTER THREE

PLANADO na ang lahat sa akin bago pa ako pumasok sa eskwelahan. I will break up with Nathan. Siguro, magpapahinga muna ako sa pagboboyfriend at kay mommy ko nalang ibibigay ang atensyon ko.

Trevor is right. Instead of having boyfriends, I should just focus with my mom and think of ways on how I could help her get healed. I did my researched about new doctors. I found the best one in Bacolod. Kakausapin ko ulit si mommy na magpalit ng doktor at baka sakali na makaroon ng progress ang pag galing niya.

“Bakit? Ano ang nagawa kong mali? Bakit biglaan, Chantria?”

I feel bad when I told Nathan that I want to end our relationship. Hindi naman talaga ako seryoso eh. Malungkot lang ako at kailangan ko siya para kahit papano ay sumaya naman ako.

Uwian na namin at inaya ko siya sa likod ng Gymnasium. Akala niya ay maghahalikan kami pero nabigla siya na gusto ko palang makipag-break na sa kanya.

“Nathan, hindi na ako masaya sa relasyon natin. Nagsasawa na rin kasi ako dahil palagi tayong magkasama. Tapos palagi ka pang nagtetext at tumatawag tuwing weekends.”

“Kung gano’n, hindi na kita palaging itetext at tatawagan. I’ll give you space every weekends-”

“No. Mag break na tayo. I don’t like to be in this relationship anymore.” I cut him off and guilt crept on me when I saw his eyes watered… parang i-iyak siya at pinipigilan lang.

“Mahal kita, Chantria. Ayokong makipag break sa ’yo. Please…” he tried to get my hand but I stepped backwards.

I saw pain in his eyes but I seriously don’t want this relationship anymore. At kung ipipilit niya ang sarili niya sa akin, mas magagalit lang ako at lalayo talaga sa kanya.

“Puwede naman na magkaibigan nalang tayo-”

“Ayoko kitang maging kaibigan!” He cut me off, a bit angry now.

“Kung ayaw mo, bahala ka. Basta para sa akin, break na tayo.”

“Bakit nga biglaan? Siguro may iba ka na?”

I looked away. Wala naman akong iba. Naisip ko lang na ayaw ko na sa kanya.

Tinangay ang buhok ko ng hangin kaya maagap kong sinikop ang mga ’yon para hindi tuluyang kumalat sa aking mukha.

When my eyes went to the football field, I saw Trevor right away. He is watching us. They are already preparing to leave. At alam ko na kung saan muna sila magpupunta. Sa loob ng Gymnasium.

“Si Trevor ba?” hinuha ni Nathan.

Naabutan ko siyang nakatingin kay Trevor.

“Sa kanya ka umangkas noong Biyernes? Alam ko ’yon, Chantria. Pero hindi na kita tinanong dahil umasa ako na sasabihin mo sa akin. Pero hindi. Bakit? Nanliligaw ba siya sa ’yo?”

I keep my mouth shut and waited for Trevor to get closer to us with his other teammates.

“Alam mo naman na playboy ’yang lalaki na ’yan. Gusto mo yatang masaktan niya.”

“Stop it, Nathan. Umuwi ka na. Break na tayo! ’Wag mo na akong kausapin.”

I grabbed my bag but he pulled my arm so that I would face him again.

Naramdaman ko ang higpit ng kapit niya sa aking braso. My skin is soft and sensitive. Alam ko na kung magtatagal ang paghigit niya sa akin, mag-iiwan iyon ng marka sa balat ko.

“Ayokong makipag-break sa ’yo!” His voice volumed up. Kaya napatingin sa gawi namin ang grupo ni Trevor.

Hinila ko ang braso ko mula sa pagkakahawak niya ngunit hinila niya rin ako pabalik sa kanya kaya sumubsob ako sa kanyang dibdib. I gasped because I didn’t expect him to be this aggressive.

“Hoy! Ano ’yan? Nag-aaway ba kayo?”

“Kapag nakipag break na, hayaan mo na dapat, boy.”

Narinig ko ang mga sinasabi ng mga football player na papalapit na sa amin.

I tried to pulled my arm back from his hold but he gripped me tighter. I bite lips and used my other hand to punch his chest.

“Bitiwan mo ako, Nathan! Nasasaktan ako!” I shouted at him and punched his chest again.

“Hindi! Mag asap tayo! Ayokong making break!”

“Nathan, bitaw,” Trevor’s cold voice near me made my knees tremble.

When I looked up on him, I saw how his menacing eyes darted on Nathan’s hand on my thin arm.

“Wag ka nalang makialam, Trevor. Usapan namin ito.” Pagmamatigas ni Nathan.

Napangiwi ako nang maramdaman ko ang hapdi sa aking braso dahil masyadong mahigpit na ang kapit niya sa akin.

Kinuha ko ang kamay ni Nathan at pilit na inaalis sa braso ko ngunit ayaw niya talaga akong pakawalan.

I glanced at Trevor to ask for help.

His jaw clenched. He took another step that made Nathan’s step backward. But he was too late because Trevor harshly grabbed the collar of his uniform and landed a punch on Nathan’s face!

I screamed and I panicked when Trevor was about to punch him again. I had to grabbed his strong arm so he would stop from hurting Nathan.

“Tama na! Trevor! P-please!” My voice shook.

“Tang ina mo! Kapag sinabing break, respetuhin mo! Hindi ’yong sasaktan mo!” Rinig na rinig ko ang gigil sa boses niya at ang panginginig ng braso niya ay ramdam ko sa aking palad na nakahawak doon.

Nathan is on the ground. Sapo nito ang gilid ng labi na dumudugo.

Trevor took a deep breath. Tumingala siya at mariin na pumikit. Umigting ang kanyang panga at doon ko lang talaga natanto na nagagalit ngang talaga siya.

I bit my lower lips. Hindi ko alam kung nahawa lang ba ako sa panginginig ng braso niya dahil nanginginig din ang mga kamay ko.

He gently removed my hand from his arm. Then grabbed my bag angrily.

“Ayokong makikita kitang lumalapit kay Chantria,” dinuro niya pa si Nathan bago niya ako hinila paalis doon.

Instead of going to the Gymnasium like what he always does after football training, we went straight to the parking lot.

He put my bag on his motorcycle and faced me.

My heart beat violently and I couldn’t stop it. Halata pa rin sa mukha niya na sobra siyang nagagalit.

“Let me see,” he said and removed my hand from my arm.

Pareho naming tinignan ang braso ko na namumula na dahil sa mahigpit na hawak ni Nathan kanina.

I pouted. “Mawawala rin ’to.”

“Tang ina niya,” he murmured as he gets his helmet.

Aalis na siya? Paano ako? Maaga pa at hindi ko pa tini-text si Delfino. Maaga ang uwian namin dahil wala ang teacher ko sa huling subject namin. Puwede pa akong sumama sa kanya kung gusto niya. O kung isasama niya ba ako. O kung gusto niya akong kasama.

“Are you leaving?” I asked softly.

Ibinalik niya ang tingin sa akin mula sa pagbubukas ng compartment ng motorsiklo. He’s still sweating and I am glad he doesn’t smell bad.

“Wala pa ang sundo mo?”

“Maaga pa. Hindi pa ako uuwi.”

“Saan ka pupunta kung gano’n?” He gets a clean face towel and started to dry the sweats on his face and neck.

The muscles and veins on his arms flexed every time he moves. His skin color is darker brown which I like, obviously. Gustung-gusto ko ang kulay ng balat niya pero hinding-hindi ko ’yon aaminin sa kanya.

“Wala akong pupuntahan.”

He continued drying himself. After that, he pulled out a new shirt.

Tumingin siya sa akin na para bang gusto niya akong tumalikod dahil magpapalit siya ng damit.

“I don’t care if you change your shirt in front of me. Nakakita na ako ng katawan ng lalaki.” I leered at him.

“Kaninong katawan naman ang nakita mo?”

“Marami! Sa internet. Sa magazines.”

He pulled out his football jersey from his nape in a manly way that made my eyebrow arched. Iniwas ko ang mga mata ko bago ko pa makita ang buong katawan niya.

From my peripheral vision, I see him glanced at me while smirking.

I crossed my arms above my chest and waited until he’s done before I look at him again.

“May practice kami sa bahay nila Silvano. Puwede kang sumama kung gusto mo.”

“Gusto ko.” Agap ko at kaagad na naramdaman ko ang excitement habang naghihintay siyang matapos tupiin ang damit niya at ibalik sa compartment.

Katulad ng unang beses akong sumakay sa motor niya, ako ang pinagamit niya ng helmet niya. He even locked it because he knows I couldn’t do it myself.

At dahil medyo maliwanag pa at maaga pa sa talagang normal na uwian, marami ang mga estudyanteng nakakita sa amin na angkas niya ako.

“Si Chantria ba ’yon? Sila na ni Trevor?”

“Di ba, boyfriend niya si Nathan?”

“Hindi na yata. Break na sila, narinig ko.”

“Bagay sila. Playgirl at playboy.”

“Huy! Baka marinig ka.”

“Bakit? Totoo naman na playboy ’yang si Trevor eh. Tapos si Chantria, pa iba iba ng boyfriend.”

I leered at the group of girls who’s watching us until we left the school premises.

The sounds from the guitar and drums were heard when we arrived at Silvano’s house. Nakaparada na rin doon ang ilang motorsiklo. I got curious about the practice that Trevor talked about before we left.

“Nandito na si Trevor! Kasama si… Chantria. Tama, si Chantria nga!” That voice was from one of his friends or classmates.

Maingat na inalis niya sa akin ang helmet. Tapos ay marahan na inayos ang buhok kong nagulo dahil doon. I just noticed that he used to do it every time he removed my helmet. Palagi ay inaayos niya ang aking buhok.

Our eyes met without me even expecting it. Naramdaman ko ang biglang kalabog ng aking dibdib dahil sa titig niya sa akin. Iniwas ko agad ang tingin sa kanya bago niya pa malaman na apektado ako kapag tinititigan niya ako ng ganito.

Sa labas palang, naririnig ko na ang tugtog na nanggagaling sa likod ng bahay. Nang pumasok kami, si tita Zafira ang unang bumungad sa amin.

“You’re back, hija.”

Niyakap ko siya bilang pagbati. “Yes, tita. Maaga pa po kaya dito muna ako.”

“Kadarating lang din nila. Naghahanda ako ng meryenda.”

“Tulungan na po kita.”

“Sure. Tumutulong din si Solaris sa akin. Kanina pa siya rito.”

I was surprised that Solaris was also there.

“Maliligo lang ako,” paalam sa akin ni Trevor.

The way Tita Zafira looked at us felt like she knew something but she kept her mouth. Instead, she gave me a playful smile. Nahiya ako. Hindi niya dapat kami tinutukso dahil wala naman kung ano sa amin ni Trevor.

Nagpunta kami sa kusina. Naroon si Solaris na seryosong nagtatakal ng mga kakailanganin sa pagbi-bake. She’s wearing a light pink halter dress and her hair is in neat bun.

“Hi!” I greeted her with a light embrace from her side.

Malambing niyang inihilig ang gilid ng mukha sa balikat ko bilang ganting yakap dahil hindi niya magamit ang kanyang mga kamay.

I’ve knowns Solaris since we were a kid because our parents where somewhat friends. We are not that very close but once we spend time together, there’s no awkwardness between us.

“Nahiligan ni Solaris ang pagbi-bake. Ikaw, Chantria, ano ang hilig mo?” Tita Zafira started a conversation.

Ano nga ulit ang hilig ko? Bukod sa pagboboyfriend at pakikipaghalikan?

We are in front of the large table where all the ingredients for baking is set and organized. May nakasalang na rin sa oven nang mapatingin ako roon.

“Dati po gustong kumanta. Pero itinigil ko po.”

“Oh, bakit naman?”

“Talaga? Why don’t you sing today?” Solaris was amazed.

Nilingon ko ang ingay galing sa likod ng bahay. I am sure that they are checking the sounds of those music instrument before they start playing. I am honestly in awe to know that they have a music band. Hindi ko kasi ’yon alam.

“Saan po sila tumutugtog? Hmm, sino po pala ang kasali sa banda?”

“Silvano liked music even before. He decided to bring his music instrument here. Then, recently, we discovered that Trevor is into music din. Grego as well. They can play.”

“Talaga po? Wow!” I am in complete awe right now.

“Kaya, you can sing later, Chantria.”

“Huh? S-susubukan ko. Pero, gusto ko muna na mapanood sila.”

“Puwede niyo na akong iwan dito para makanood kayo sa kanila.”

Nagkatinginan kami ni Solaris at nag ngitian.

“Mamaya na po, tita. Tapusin ko lang po ito,” sabi ni Solaris at nagpatuloy sa pag whisk.

After a few more minutes, I glanced at the back door and saw that Trevor is already there with his friends. He’s on his new navy shirt and black shorts. Bagong ligo siya at kahit medyo malayo, halata na mabango siya.

When he glanced where we are, I almost sucked on my breath because he easily found my eyes with his. Ngumuso ako at tamad siyang inirapan.

I couldn’t focus with mixing what Solaris told me to mix because my eyes would always go to where Trevor is.

Nakaupo na siya sa upuan na walang sandalan. He’s gently strumming the guitar and in front of him is a stand microphone. He’s very focused of the sounds the guitar made like how focused I am from watching him.

I don’t understand why every time he’s around me, my heart would beat loud and fast. Katulad nalang sa mga sandaling ito. Pinapanood ko lang naman siya sa pag strum ng gitara, pero daig ko pa ang nakipaghabulan dahil sa lakas ng pintig ng puso ko.

I admit. I found him very attractive now that I know and I see him playing a damn guitar. Pero hindi naman yata makatarungan na pati ang puso ko ay apektado dahil sa kanya. Nakakainis!

Ni hindi ko naramdaman ang paghuhumerentado ng puso ko kapag kasama ko ang mga ex boyfriend ko. Sa kanya lang talaga!

When his gaze went to me again while he’s slowly strumming his guitar, I felt like my knees trembled. Napalunok ako at sinimangutan ko siya.

“Tapos na ito. Pakidala nalang sa likod, Solaris, Chantria,” ani tita Zafira kaya agad kaming kumilos.

Si Solaris ang may dala ng tray na may cookies. Ang dala ko naman ay orange juice and cold water.

“Dito nalang,” si Dalary na inayos ang lamesa na paglalagyan ng meryenda.

“Tumugtog na kayo. Excited na ako!” Ani ni Glenda na pumalakpak pa.

“Hintayin lang namin si Grego. Papunta na.” Silvano said while sitting in front of the drums. Just behind where Trevor is sitting.

“Saan ba sila tumutugtog?” I asked Glenda.

The backyard is the end of the land. Maraming puno at sa hindi kalayuan ay tila may sapa. Hindi ko matanaw kaya hindi ako sigurado kung mayroon nga.

We are sitting on the side. While Dalary and Solaris is busy pouring the glasses of juice and water, Glenda’s attention is on her phone.

“Sa Playa Azure. Tomorrow night.”

Bumalik ulit ang mga mata ko kay Trevor. Nakatingin na siya sa cellphone sa harap niya. Parang pinag-aaralan niya ang lyrics na kakantahin niya.

“Marami kasing guest sa beach resort ngayon. May nag request yata ng live band. Kaya kinausap ni Solaris si Silvano na baka puwede silang tumugtog bukas kahit isang gabi lang.” Dagdag pa ni Glenda.

“How many songs we should play?” Trevor asked, then his eyes went to me.

“Tatlo lang.” Glenda answered. “Try niyo na itong isa.”

Lumapit si Glenda kay Trevor at may pinindot sa cellphone.

“What is the title of the first song?” Silvano inquired.

“The Ghost of You,” Solaris was the one who answered him.

Nagkatinginan pa ang dalawa na parang sila lang ang tao roon.

Bumalik si Glenda sa tabi ko kaya sinilip ko ang screen ng cellphone niya. Naroon ang lyrics ng kakantahin nila.

“Try niyo nga muna. Kahit intro lang, Trevor, Vann,” udyok ni Dalary.

I saw Solaris’ eyed Dalary. Tapos umirap siya.

I shifted on my seat when Trevor strummed his guitar. Tapos sinabayan ng mahina at tamang palo ng drums ni Silvano na sakto lang sa tunog ng kanta.

“Summers ended and without a trace…” Trevor’s voice made me bite the inside of my cheek.

Unang sambit palang niya ng lyrics, naramdaman ko agad ang tila kiliti sa aking tiyan at umaakyat sa aking puso.

Ang bawat marahan na kalabit niya sa gitara, ang damdamin na ipinaparinig niya sa bawat liriko, alam ko na marunong nga talaga siyang kumanta. Na mahal niya ang pag kanta. At oo, maganda ang boses niya. Parang… gusto kong kantahan niya ako. Kaming dalawa lang.

“Time goes by, while you remain…” then his soulful eyes dropped on me.

“Gago, nakakakilig kayo,” humagikhik si Dalary.

“Funny how I thought I walked on through…” he continued and he painfully closed his eyes. His jaw clenched.

Napalunok ako. Lalo nang idilat niya ang kanyang mga mata at agad niya akong nahanap.

“… with my heart in one…”

Silvano is passionately playing the drums. Halatang-halata rito na matagal nang ginagawa ’yon.

“Vann,” Trevor’s voice told me that he wants Silvano to sing the chorus.

But they paused so that they would know who gonna sing it.

“Magsabay kaya kayo sa lyrics?” Dalary suggested.

“What’s happening? Maganda naman, Trevor. Bakit ka huminto?” Si tita Zafira na may dalang isa pang tray ng cookies.

“Gusto po ni Trevor na si Silvano ang kumanta ng chorus,” sagot ni Glenda.

“Second voice nalang ako, pre,” Silvano muttered as he plays with his drumstick.

“Try the chorus, Silvano. Let me see and I’ll decide.” When Tita Zafira said that, Silvano sighed. Pero wala siyang nagawa kundi sumunod.

Solaris on the other hand, she remained standing and watching Silvano while pursing her lips.

“Ulitin natin. Back to start,” Glenda announced.

Umayos ulit ako sa pagkakaupo. At tahimik na pinakinggan ulit si Trevor.

Pinanood ko rin si Silvano. Noong malapit na ang chorus, he moved his head closer to the stand microphone just in front of him.

“Silvano,” tita Zafira said to remind her son that it’s his lyrics.

“Why do I still cry for you…” Silvano sings soulfully. At marahan na ipinikit ang mga mata na para bang gusto pang damhin ang lyrics para mas maganda pakinggan.

Dalary shrieked. Halata ang kilig.

“… dying to get close to you…” he continued and when he opened his eyes, kay Solaris ang mga ’yon napunta.

“Sing the next lyrics together,” tita Zafira told them.

“Oh baby… why do I still fear to face… the ghost of you…” they sang it together and it was overwhelming because their voices blended beautifully.

“See? That’s perfect!” Tita Zafira clapped her hands.

“Tangina! Gago! Nakaka-in love!” Sabay halakhak nila Dalary at Glenda.

After that song, Grego arrived. They played until they perfect the three songs.

I texted Soledad that I’m gonna be late again. Doon nalang din ako magpapasundo kay Delfino. Ayaw ko ng abalahin pa si Trevor dahil magpa-practice pa sila.

Madilim na kaya binuksan ang mga dilaw na ilaw na nakasabit sa mga sanga ng puno. Nagpahinga muna sila at nag meryenda.

Glenda gave Trevor a cookies. Kumunot ang noo ko nang tinanggap niya ’yon.

“Ang pogi ng boses mo.” Glenda praised his voice.

“Boses ko lang?” He arched his brow and bite on the cookies she gave him.

“Dude, pogi ka rin! Pero hindi tayo talo.” Sabay tapik niya sa balikat ni Trevor.

Buti naman at alam niyang hindi sila bagay. Okay din itong si Glenda, ah. Alam kung saan ilulugar ang sarili.

I hissed at Trevor when he slightly pinched my chin. I am sitting and he’s standing in front of me. Holding his damn cookie.

“Bakit ka nakasimangot?” He pinched my chin again. Kaya sinampal ko ang kamay niya pero tinawanan niya lang ako.

“Stop it.”

“Cute mo…” he chuckled.

“Yie! Bagay kayo! Kaya lang, sixteen ka palang, Chantria, di ba?” Dalary is being nosy.

“Malapit na akong mag seventeen.”

“Kailan?” He sounds interested.

“In a few months.”

“Kahit sixteen palang ’yan, marami na ’yang naging boyfriend. Ganda ganda ba naman, eh. Liligawan talaga.” Glenda winked at me.

“Wala na siyang boyfriend. Break na sila.” Trevor said and slightly pinched my cheek this time.

Tiningala ko siya at sinimangutan.

He squatted in front of me so our eyes would meet. Hinanap niya ang mga mata ko na pilit kong ipinagkakait sa kanya.

Hindi ko pa nakakalimutan ang naramdaman ko kanina habang pinapanood siyang kumakanta at nag gigitara. Pakiramdam ko, nagkaroon ako ng matinding pagka-gusto sa kanya. Baka magugulat nalang ako isang araw, magiging crush ko siya!

“What’s wrong?” He asked gently.

I leered when my heart pounded.

Unti-unti ko siyang nilingon. Naabutan ko ang namumungay niyang mga mata habang nakatitig sa mukha ko.

“Gusto mo nang umuwi?”

Umiling ako. “Ayaw ko pa.”

“Dito ka muna?”

Marahan akong tumango. Hindi ko alam kung bakit para niya akong tinutunaw. Para akong bumabait ngayon sa harap niya.

“Ganyan masarap baby-hin. Magaganda…” tukso ni Dalary dahilan kung bakit uminit ang pisngi ko.

“Ganyan ang gustung-gusto ni Trevor. ’Yung be-baby-hin niya.” Sabay halakhak ni Glenda.

“Oo nga! Ang ganda ganda mo pa naman. Naku, Chantria, mag ingat ka diyan. Siguraduhin mo na walang girlfriend bago ka magpaligaw.”

“Hindi naman nanliligaw.” I muttered softly.

Nang tignan ko siya, naka-angat ang mga kilay niya. He’s amused and at the same time, he’s taunting. But he didn’t say anything.

4 ~ EXCEPTION

CHAPTER FOUR

AS expected, Nathan can’t look at me in the eyes. Masama rin naman ang loob ko sa kanya dahil sa ginawa niya sa akin kahapon kaya ayaw ko rin siyang pansinin.

Nawala na rin ang pamumula ng braso ko. It’s not my fault that I don’t want to be in a relationship with him anymore. Dapat ay tinanggap niya agad ang desisyon ko at ni-respeto. Hindi ’yong magagalit siya at nasaktan niya pa ako. Mas lalong ayoko na sa kanya. Kahit pagkakaibigan, ayaw ko na rin.

“Hindi mo pala alam na may banda sila? Ilang taon na rin. Libangan lang nilang magkakaibigan ’yon.”

Nang sabihin ko kay Yusef ang tungkol sa pagpunta ko sa bahay nila Silvano at ang pagpanood sa practice kahapon, hindi na nagulat ang kaibigan ko.

“Kaya nga ayaw ni Trevor na umuuwi sa kanila lalo kapag nandoon ang Papa niya dahil palagi silang nag-a-away. Mahigpit kasi si tito Efrain. Pati ang music band na libangan niya lang, big deal kay tito.”

I got interested about Trevor’s life. When I got home last night, I stalked him on social media. He’s not active though. Kaya wala rin akong napala. Mas may makukuha pa akong impormasyon galing kay Yusef. Lalo na tungkol sa pamilya niya at kung bakit ba siya naglayas o nagrerebelde.

While holding my umbrella to protect my skin from the heat of the sun, I glanced at the football field. May mga player pero wala si Trevor.

Nagpasundo ako kay Delfino kagabi dahil ayaw kong ihatid ako ni Trevor kahit pa nag offer siya.

Gusto ko sana siyang iwasan dahil parang nagiging crush ko na siya, pero hindi ko naman magawa. Baka nagkakamali lang ako sa nararamdaman ko.

Katatapos lang namin mag lunch ni Yusef. Kaya sa likod ulit kami ng Gym magpapalipas ng oras bago ang susunod na klase. Mas ma-presko kasi sa lugar na ’yon dahil may malalaking puno.

“Inaaway na naman nila si Charlotta. Tignan mo.” Yusef elbowed me to get my attention.

Sa isang bench sa lilim ng punong acacia, nakaupo ang babaeng may alon-alon na buhok na ang kulay ay parang may pagka-caramel; nabubuhay ng husto kapag nasisikatan ng sinag ng araw. Sa harap niya ay dalawang pangit na babae kung ikukumpara kay Charlotta. Nakapameywang pa talaga sila.

“Dito siya kumakain kasi hindi siya pinapayagan kumain sa canteen. Ah! Kawawa!” Pang-aasar nila kay Charlotta at tumawa pa ang mga Grade 9 student.

Terra Charlotta is one of the pretty faces in our school. Kaya lang, marami pa rin ang may ayaw sa kanya o hindi siya tanggap dahil sa Sitio Verde siya nakatira. Sa bundok na halos isang oras yata ang lalakbayin bago makarating sa kapatagan. Ang mga tao roon ay namumuhay sa kung paano namuhay ang mga lumang tao. They are outdated and most of them are illiterate.

“Ang sabi, mangkukulam daw ang lola niya. Totoo kaya ’yon?” Yusef whispered in a curious way.

My forehead knotted.

Matagal nang paniniwala ng mga tao sa labas ng Sitio Verde na ang ibang matatandang naninirahan doon ay may kakayahang mangulam, manumpa at mayroon din mga albularyo.

“Hindi ako naniniwala sa kulam kulam na ’yan, Yusef.”

Naglakad kami papunta sa isang bench na walang tao. Hindi ko na binalikan ng tingin si Charlotta.

May pagkakataon na nakita ko na siyang inaaway ng ibang estudyante pero hindi siya gumaganti. Medyo naiinis ako dahil masyado siyang mabait. Kaya tuloy hindi tumitigil ang mga nang-a-away sa kanya. Nakakalungkot din na wala talaga siyang kaibigan. Madalas ay mag isa siya.

Natanto ko na hindi nga talaga patas ang buhay. Noong nakaraan lang ay may masaya at kumpleto akong pamilya. Pero nagising nalang ako isang araw na may sakit ang mommy ko, palaging wala ang daddy ko, at unti-unting natitibag ang pundasyon ng haligi ng aming tahanan.

I live in a very comfortable life. Malayong-malayo sa kung paano nabubuhay si Charlotta. Siya, kahit marami ang malupit sa kanya, mas pinipili niya ang maging mabuti. Kahit mahirap sila, patuloy pa rin siya sa pag a-aral niya. Siguradong suportado siya ng lola niya o ng mga taga Sitio Verde dahil siya lang tangi ang taga roon na nakapag-aral. Masuwerte siya sa parteng ’yon ng kanyang buhay.

Habang ako, mayaman nga kami, may magulang ako, may kaibigan, pero hindi ko magawang maging masaya ulit gaya ng dati. Para lang akong gumigising tuwing umaga dahil kailangan. But I don’t really know my purpose in this life. Nawalan ako ng gana sa buhay simula nang naging malabo sa akin ang imahe ng isang pamilyang dati’y hinahangaan ko.

I have this feeling inside my heart that even if my parents are still alive, I feel like I already lost both of them. I feel like I am all alone especially when I am at home. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang bigat ng pagiging mag isa.

Kapag nakahiga ako sa aking kama, natutulala ako. Pagkatapos ay maiiyak. Gustung-gusto ko ng may yumakap sa akin kapag nalulungkot ako. Pero alam ko na… sarili ko lang sa ngayon ang puwede kong maging sandalan.

“How about albolaryo? Tingin mo, totoo na kaya nilang magpagaling ng may sakit?” Yusef won’t stop from thinking about the power of the people in Sitio Verde.

I don’t really care about what other’s people belief. Kulam, sumpa, o albolaryo man ’yan. We are in a new generations. Marami nang natuklasan na gamot para sa mga sakit na dati’y walang lunas. Kaya imbes na magpa-albolaryo, sa doktor nalang kumunsulta.

“Para lang ’yan sa mga walang pera pangbayad sa doktor, Yusef.”

“Ano ka ba? Di ba, may kaklase tayo noon na nagpunta pa sa Sitio Verde para magpa albolaryo? Kinukulam daw ang ate niya!”

I remembered that humor before. Ano naman? Gumaling ba ang ate ng kaklase namin na ’yon?

“Ang sabi, may nagkakagusto raw na duwende sa ate niya. Kaya noong nalaman na may nanliligaw, nagalit ang itim duwende. Nagkasakit ang ate niya at hindi matukoy ng doktor kung ano ang sakit.”

“Gumaling ba?” I suddenly got curious when I thought about my mother’s condition.

“Yata? Umalis ng La Carlota ang ate niya. ’Yon ang bilin ng albolaryo. Kailangan niyang layuan ang itim na duwende.”

I know this was just rumor before, but I got goosebumps!

Pagkatapos ng klase namin, nagpasundo na ako kay Delfino. Si Yusef naman ay sa Playa Azure dederetso at doon niya nalang ako hihintayin dahil manonood kami mamaya kila Trevor.

“May conference meeting si Papa sa Playa Azure. Doon na rin tayo mag dinner, Chantria.”

“Okay. I will just gonna take a shower and change. I’ll see you there.”

Nagbeso kami ni Yusef bago ako tuluyang pumasok sa sasakyan namin.

Ang natatarantang si Soledad ang bumungad sa aking nang makarating ako sa mansion.

“Diosmio! Ano ba ang nangyayari kay Madame!” Paikot-ikot siya at hindi alam ang gagawin.

“Ha? Anong nangyayari?”

Ang isang kasambahay namin ay mabilis na umakyat sa hagdan at may bitbit na maliit na planggana.

“Ang mommy mo bigla nalang nagsuka! Naku! Tatawagan ko si Sir Henrich!”

Bumilis ang tibok ng aking puso at nahawa na sa pagiging taranta ni Soledad.

I hurriedly went to mom’s room. Naabutan ko siyang nanghihina na nakaupo sa sahig. She’s resting her face and body against the end of the king sized bed.

“Mommy!” Lumapit ako sa kanya at hinawakan ko ang kanyang pisngi.

“Oh, anak,” she tried to give me a smile. But it was faint.

“Ano po ang nangyari? Bakit nagsuka si mommy?” I asked Roberta.

“Nagrereklamo siya na masakit ang likod niya, Chantria. Namimilipit siya sa sakit kanina. Tapos, bigla siyang nagsuka.”

“Mommy, dadalhin ka po namin sa hospital.”

“’Wag na, anak. Nabigla lang siguro ako sa pagkain kanina. Masakit din ang likod ko. I think, I need a massage.”

“S-Sige po. Pero mommy-”

“Don’t worry too much. You look funny when you’re stressed.” She laughed weakly.

Pumasok si Soledad na may dalang tubig na inumin.

“Nasa San Enrique si Sir Henrich pero pabalik na raw siya, Madame.”

“Dapat hindi mo na tinawagan, Soledad. Baka abala ’yon.”

Inalalayan namin si mommy para makahiga siya sa kama. Napapangiwi siya at iniinda ang sakit ng kanyang likod.

“Massage daw po. Masakit po ang likod niya.”

Agad naman na hinilot-hilot ni Soledad ang likod ni mommy at para siyang gumiginhawa.

I heard my phone beep inside the pocket of my skirt but I ignored it. It’s probably, Yusef.

I saw mommy’s closing her eyes. Hinang-hina siya at napapangiwi rin siya.

“Madame, may manghihilot akong kilala. Gusto mo ipatawag ko?” Nag-aalala ang tinig ni Soledad. “Mas marunong ’yon kaysa sa akin.”

My mother nodded her head as an answer while her eyes were shut close.

Napalunok ako at wala sa sariling nahimas ang aking dibdib sa bandang puso dahil ramdam ko ang pag guhit ng sakit doon habang pinapanood ko ang aking ina na nahihirapan.

“Roberta, ipasundo mo kay Delfino ang manghihilot sa kabilang barangay. Ngayon na. Sige na.” Utos ni Soledad at agad namang tumalima si Roberta.

I sat at the space beside mommy. I hold her hand.

“Puwede po kaya magpatingin sa albolaryo?” I asked Soledad.

Nahinto siya pansamantala nang tignan niya ako.

“Hindi naniniwala sa albolaryo ang mommy mo, hija.”

“Kahit po susubukan lang? Baka po makatulong?”

Baka lang. Wala namang mawawala kung susubukan ng mommy niyang magpa albolaryo.

“Puwede mo siyang kausapin tungkol diyan, Chantria.”

I stayed a little bit longer until I made sure that my mother is already sleeping.

Nang pumasok ako sa aking kwarto para maghanda papunta sa Playa Azure, doon ko lang nakita ang ilang chats galing kay Yusef.

From: Yusef Costalles

What did you do to Trevor? He’s asking for your number but I didn’t give it to him!

From: Yusef Costalles

Nanliligaw ba sa ’yo ang pinsan ko? Hmp!

From: Yusef Costalles

You’re online but you’re ignoring me. Okay ka lang? Pinayagan ka ba na magpunta dito sa Playa Azure?

I lazily typed a reply.

To: Yusef Costalles

Hinintay ko lang na makatulog si mommy. I’m gonna prepare na. I’ll let you know kapag on the way na ako.

It’s already six in the evening. Mamayang alas otso pa sila Trevor magpeperform kaya marami pa akong oras.

After I took a shower, I blow dried my long straight hair. I put some powder, blush on and lip gloss. I also tied my hair in a half pony tail using a white thin ribbon. Hinayaan ko na bumagsak ’yon sa aking likod.

Tumayo ako sa tapat ng salamin para makita ang aking kabuuan. I am wearing a beige a-line bandeau dress. I match my outfit with a gold necklace and some bangles. I spray my perfume and I’m done.

Kaya lang, pagkababa ko sa hagdan, nalaman ko na wala pa si Delfino. Wala rin ibang maghahatid sa akin dahil siya lang naman ang driver namin doon.

“Aalis ka?” Soledad asked me.

“Magpupunta ako sa Playa Azure. Nandoon na rin si Yusef.”

“Naku. Wala pa si Delfino.”

“Mag ta-tricycle nalang po ako.”

“Sigurado ka ba?”

Mabilis akong tumango. Kung hihintayin ko pa si Delfino, baka hindi ko na mapanood sila Trevor.

“Teka, magpapatawag ako ng tricycle.” Soledad radio the guard house.

Ilan pang sandali ay mag pumasok na tricycle sa driveway namin. Ang driver ay kilala ni Soledad kaya hindi naman ako kinakabahan na bi-biyahe mag isa at gabi pa. Nagbilin siya na ingatan ako at siguraduhin na sa Playa Azure nga ako magpupunta.

I got my phone out from my armpit shoulder bag to text Yusef since he wasn’t online.

To: Yusef

I am on my way. Nag tricycle lang ako dahil wala si Delfino. Nandiyan na ba sila Trevor?

Tinakpan ko ang aking ilong nang dumaan kami sa lubak at nabulabog ang mga alikabok.

From: Yusef

What? Baka hindi mo nalang sinabi sa akin na wala si Delfino para pinasundo kita diyan sa inyo. Nandito na sila. Ikaw nalang ang wala.

Bigla kong naaalala ang mga naunang chat sa akin ni Yusef. Na hinihingi raw ni Trevor ang number ko? Bakit naman?

After a few minutes of struggling, I finally arrived at the gate of Playa Azure. Hanggang doon lang puwede ang tricycle kaya tuloy naglakad pa ako papunta sa lobby! What a hassle!

I called Yusef to ask him where they hell they are.

“Dito malapit sa shore. Nag se-set up na sila. You’re not late.”

“I’m gonna go to the restroom first. Baka puro alikabok na ako.”

Hindi ko na hinintay pa kung may sasabihin man ang kaibigan ko dahil pinatay ko na ang tawag at dumeretso sa restoom.

I wiped my sweats using a tissue paper and put another powder and blush. I even spray another perfume to make sure I smell good.

Saktong pagkalabas ko ay nakita ko na nakatayo sa dulo ng hallway si Trevor. Nakatingin na siya agad sa akin na tila ba alam na lalabas ako sa girl’s restroom anomang sandali.

He shifted his weight as he saw me walking towards him.

He’s sporting a white cotton shirt, dark pants and black cap. There’s nothing special on what he wears. It’s his usual get up. I just couldn’t help the sudden changed of my heartbeat because of him.

“I thought you’re not gonna make it,” he muttered.

“Uh, nag tricycle lang kasi ako kaya natagalan ako.”

“Nasabi ni Yusef sa ’kin.”

I tried to be lively in front of him. Kahit na nakakairita ang pintig ng aking puso. Hindi niya dapat malaman na ganito na ang naging epekto niya sa akin.

“Are you ready to perform?” I beamed.

The side of his lips rose up. “Yeah.”

“Ang ganda ng song na napili ninyo. Bagay sa… boses mo.”

I bite the inside of my cheek because I didn’t have plan to say it to him. Pero ito na. Nasabi ko na.

“Which one?”

““Yung… The Ghost of You.”

“Trevor, mag start na daw kayo.” The waiter informed him.

Tinanguan niya lang ang waiter bago ibinalik ang atensyon sa akin.

“Give me your number,” he handed me his phone.

I arched my eyebrow.

What’s the meaning of this, huh? Is he hitting on me?

“Paano kapag ayoko?”

He chuckled. “Aw.”

I giggled. Then leered at him eventually.

“Why did you ask for my number? Manliligaw ka?”

Siya naman ngayon ang nagtaas ng isang kilay. Mukha na naman siyang namamangha.

He licked his lower lips. It gets reddish.

Iniwas ko ang tingin ko roon at ibinalik sa kanyang mga mata na namumungay na habang nakatitig sa akin.

“Bakit? Papaligaw ka ba?” He whispered, his voice was raspy and sensual.

Kasabay nang pag init ng aking pisngi ay ang paghuhumerentado ng aking puso.

Naalala ko pa noong isang araw na iniisip ko na siya ang susunod kong magiging boyfriend! Hindi ko naman akalain na mangyayari agad.

Bakit? Sasagutin mo ba siya, Chantria, kapag nanligaw nga? Ganyan ka kasabik na maging boyfriend siya ?

“Akala ko ba ayaw mo sa mas bata sa ’yo?”

“Tama ka. Ayoko sa mas bata sa ’kin…”

I pursed my lips. Then, why did he ask for my number? I’m not looking for a text mate ’no!

“Kung gano’n, bakit mo-”

“But there’s an exception.”

“And?”

“And…” he crouched his head until his lips almost touches my ear. “… you are the exception.” He whispered and his hot breath tickled me. It also made my stomach fluttered.

He’s so confident and even if I don’t like it, I couldn’t help myself but to feel the joy inside of me that he’s really thinking of courting me?

“Trevor, let’s go.” That was Grego’s voice behind him. “Who’s that? Binobola mo pati si… Chantria?”

Sinilip ko si Grego pero maagap na hinarang niya ang balikat niya para hindi ko makita ang kaibigan niya.

“Tinatawag ka na. Tara na.” Aya ko sa kanya at hinawakan siya sa braso.

Bumaba ang tingin niya sa hawak ko.

Inirapan ko siya at hinila na paalis doon. Wala siyang nagawa kundi magpahila sa akin.

“You forgot to give me your number,” he said that while we are passing the table of a group of girls.

“Mamaya. Pagtapos niyo. I’ll give my number to you.”

“Talaga?” Para siyang nabuhayan ulit.

“Oo nga!”

“Papaligaw ka sa ’kin?” Medyo masaya ang tinig niya. He’s so inspired.

Samantalang ako, ginagapangan na ng init ang pisngi ko dahil napapatingin na sa amin ang mga guest na nadadaanan namin tapos gano’n pa ang mga sinasabi niya.

“Chantria! Here!” That was Yusef who called my attention and waved at me.

Huminto ako kaya huminto rin si Trevor.

Itinagilid niya ang ulo niya. Titig na titig na naman siya sa akin. Para bang nabibighani siya pero medyo seryoso rin ang mga mata niya.

“Mamaya na ’yang ligawan, Trevor.” Boses ’yon ni Dalary.

“Sige na. Magpunta ka na do’n.” I even had to push him so he would stop staring at me.

Bumuntonghinga siya tapos ay supladong nagpunta sa maliit na stage na inilaan para sa kanila.

“Ikaw, ha! Ano ’yon? Nililigawan ka talaga?” Yusef grabbed my hand so that I would talk to him.

We are in a table for two. Sinadya talaga ng kaibigan ko na kami lang dalawa ang nasa lamesa dahil alam kong sobrang kyoryoso siya sa amin ni Trevor.

Kagaya ng inaasahan, marami nga ang guest sa gabing ’yon. Siguro ang iba ay walk-ins or nag dinner lang sa Playa Azure at nang malaman na may live band, nanatili para manood.

There are more like fifty people on that area while the other guest where at the restaurant.

“Good evening. We are the Zafira band.” Trevor’s baritone echoed around. “I am Trevor, your lead vocalist tonight. And this is Vann, our drummer. And Grego, our keyboard player.” He pointed his friends.

Nagpalakpakan ang mga tao. While I am in awe because the name of their band is tita Zafira’s name. That’s inspiring! Maybe the woman inspired these young men to continue their passion in music, huh.

“Ang kantang ito ay inaalay namin sa mga taong nasa kasalukuyan ngunit… napag-iwanan ng mga ala-ala ng nakaraan…” people gasped, his chuckle after was heard.

“Sakit naman niyan!” The crowd hissed.

“Yeah. Alright! Let’s enjoy the night, ladies and gentlemen.”

His white cotton shirt and black cap made him looked very, very, attractive. I couldn’t find the right words to describe him. It’s just that… I feel like he captivated me. He captivated every girls on the crowd.

He’s in the middle of that mini stage, standing there while having his guitar that is connected to the speakers.

On his right side is Grego Almendarez with his snobbish eyes, sitting in front of the keyboard, wearing a black polo shirt.

Then Silvano Valcazer is a bit behind of Trevor’s left, in front of the drums. Lazily and at the same time skillfully holding his drumstick. His cap is twisted. Nasa harapan ang dapat ay sa likod.

“Huy, Reva Chantria, answer me.” Parang bubuyog si Yusef sa tabi ko.

Umirap ako. “Sabi niya, manliligaw siya.”

“May balak kang sagutin?”

“Pag-i-isipan ko pa.”

“Kung ang batayan mo sa mga nagiging boyfriend mo ay dapat good kisser. Sigurado na pasadong-pasado na diyan si Trevor. Kilala kita, Chantria!”

Bumalik sa isipan ko kung paano niya halikan ’yong Grade 11 student. Halata naman na sanay na sanay na siyang makipaghalikan. Kaya baka nga totoo ang balita na masarap siyang humalik?

“Dapat mahalikan ko muna siya para malaman ko-” I giggled when Yusef stopped me by pinching my waist.

“Ang landi mo! Ang landi, landi mo!” Sabay tawa ng kaibigan ko.

Umayos ako sa pagkaka-upo nang mag umpisa na ang pag strum ni Trevor ng gitara, ang tamang pagpalo ni Silvano sa drums, at ang mga kamay ni Grego na gumagalaw sa ibabaw ng keyboard.

Summer’s ended and without a trace

Time goes by, while you remain

Funny how I thought I walked on through

With my heart in one

His voice… is a bit raspy… soulful… and beautiful.

He sings those intro lyrics while looking at me… as if he’s singing it for me… as if we are the only one on that crowd.

And I know for sure, that tonight, I’m gonna be damned because I think… I’d like him more than what I expected.

5 ~ EMBRACE

CHAPTER FIVE

I couldn’t take my eyes off him. I gave all my attention to him. I can feel the familiar fast beating of my heart now that he’s making sure that his eyes would always back to where I am. Parang wala na akong pakialam sa paligid ko. Parang malabo na ang mga tao at ang tanging malinaw lang sa akin ay… siya.

Like what they’ve practiced yesterday, Silvano will sing the other part of the chorus. Then they will sing it together. Grego on the other hand will do the second voice instead.

“Why do I still cry for you…” it was Silvano who sings while also playing his drums. “… dying to get close to you…” marahan siyang napapikit nang kinanta ang huling lyrics niya.

Solaris is just standing near us. She’s so invested watching Silvano.

Isang hampas pa ng drums, bago ang duet nina Silvano at Trevor.

“Oh baby… why… do I still fear to face… the ghost of you..” They sang it together soulfully and painfully.

Habang kinakanta nila ’yon, nakita ko ang marahan na pagpikit niya… kaya mas lalo kong nadama ang kahulugan ng kanta. Katulad kung paano niya naintindihan ang bawat pag bitaw niya ng liriko.

Bumalik ang mga mata niya sa akin.

“How I tried to get you off my mind… but you return all the time…” then he lazily leered at me with a sly smile on his lips.

Naka-kapit sa braso ko si Yusef at sumasabay din siya sa kanta.

“I believed I could just let you go… like how fool I am…” he smirked at the girls in front who giggled at him.

“Baby…” Silvano, Grego and Trevor’s voices blended with that one word and every girls in the crowd felt like their soul left their bodies because of the way they writhed and shrieked.

“… why do I still cry for you… dying to get close to you… oh baby, why do I still fear to face the ghost of you…” tatlo na silang kumanta at para nang maiiyak at mahihimatay ang mga nakikinig.

Trevor is slightly and passionately banging his head, going with the rhythm, while his long fingers were gently strumming his guitar. He looked like a moving art that came out straight from the book and made all the girls fascinated by his beaut, charisma, and talent.

Ibinalik niyang muli ang tingin sa akin. Namumungay ang kanyang mga mata. I can feel how my knees wobbled because of the way he stares at me.

“I’ve been trying to release you… to get my feet back on the ground… still I need my hope to hold on to… even if I know I should back away, it’s just a part of me that I can’t erase…” this time, I knew, he sang the lyrics for me. He dedicated it for me because he never left my eyes.

Then they sang the chorus again with their hearts while the crowd sings with them as well.

“… dying to get close to you…” then he winked at me. “… oh baby… why…”

I felt my face heated so bad. I pouted my lips and when he saw it, his eyes twinkled playfully.

Nagpalakpakan kami nang matapos silang kumanta.

“Ang guwapo! Single daw ba kayo?” The girls on the far corner, shouted in a flirty way.

“Sa akin nalang si Trevor!”

“Puwede bang makilala ’yong keyboard player?”

“I-uwi ko na ’yung drummer!”

Nanunukso, nagkakantiyawan, at halatang nanlalandi ang ibang guest na babae.

Nang napunta ang mga mata ko kay Solaris, nakahalukipkip siya at masama ang tingin sa grupo ng mga babae na nagsabi kung puwedeng i-uwi ang drummer. Which is Silvano.

“Trevor, anakan mo ko!” The girl’s at the back screamed shamelessly.

His hearty chuckle echoed around because his lips is near the microphone.

“May baby na ’yan, ate! Maghunos dili ka diyan!” Balik na sigaw ni Dalary sa pabiro at naiinis na paraan.

“Ako nalang ang baby mo, Trevor! Hahaha!” The other table of tipsy girls shouted jokingly.

“Dapat kasing ganda mo si Chantria bago ka maging baby ni Trevor Monterell!” Walang hiya-hiya na sinabi ni Glenda at tatawa-tawa pa siya nang lingunin kung nasaan ako. Sabay nag peace sign siya sa akin.

Kaya tuloy, ilan sa mga naroon ay lumipad ang atensyon kung nasaan kami ni Yusef.

I composed myself. Maarte akong sumimsim sa aking cocktail at hindi pinansin ang mga matang kyoryosong nakatingin sa akin.

After they perform, we transferred to a cabana that Yusef booked.

“Hintayin nalang natin sila dito. Let’s order our late dinner. Puwede pa naman sabi ni Solaris.”

Gano’n ang ginawa namin ni Yusef. Dinamihan namin ang order ng pagkain dahil sa amin sasabay sila Trevor.

“Kung hindi ko lang sila tropa, lalandiin ko talaga sila!” Narinig kong sinabi ni Dalary habang tatawa siya. Papalapit sila sa amin at kasama niya ang dalawa pa nilang kaibigan.

“Gaga ka talaga, Dalary. Gayahin mo ’tong si Alena. Kahit gusto niya si Grego, hindi siya nagpapahalata.” Glenda teased Alena.

“Sshh! May makarinig sayo, Glenda. Nakakahiya.”

“Ano ka ba! Malay mo, ligawan ka ni Grego. Boto naman kami sayo. Katulad mo naman ang tipo niya. Maganda, matangkad at matalino.”

“Ayokong umasa,” Alena said bitterly.

“Sabagay, noong isang araw nakita ko si Grego kasama ’yong magandang Grade 9 na taga Sitio Verde. Ano nga ulit ang pangalan no’n?”

“Si Charlotta.” Glenda answered. “Kaklase ni Gavin. Oo nga. Iba rin ang ganda no’n ni Charlotta. Parang Diyosa ng gubat. Kapag naglalakad ’yon parang palaging sumasakto ang hangin tapos hahanginin ’yong buhok niya… Kaya gandang-ganda ako do’n kahit dati pa.”

“Eh, mukhang nabighani na si Grego.”

“Hindi nagkakagusto si Grego sa mas bata sa kanya, Dalary. Kaya imposible na mabighani siya kay Charlotta.” Ampalaya yata ang ulam ni Alena at halata ang pait sa kanya.

“Bitter, eh, ’no?” Yusef murmured beside me.

“Mas maganda kasi si Charlotta sa kanya. Partida, hindi pa ’yon nag-a-ayos. Kahit yata hindi ’yon mag suklay, mapapansin siya ni Grego.” I said as I simply rolled my eyes.

“Okay lang? Dito lang muna kami, Yusef, Chantria?”

“Yes. Sure! I booked this for all of us naman.” Yusef entertained the girls.

Hindi naman kasi talaga namin kaibigan ang tatlong babae na ito. Kakilala lang. Nandito sila dahil kaklase at kaibigan nila ’yong tatlong lalaking hinihintay namin.

I’d like to have a lot of friends even before but I realized that I am very picky when it comes to it. Sa huli, si Yusef lang ang pinaka nagustuhan ko kaya siya lang para sa akin ang kaibigan ko. I don’t mind adding a new friend, but I have to like him or her first before doing so.

“How’s your mom?” Alena asked me lightly.

I am aware that the news about my mother’s condition is already circulated around La Carlota. Siguradong pati ang sinasabing pagtataksil ni daddy, kumalat na rin ng husto.

I am not very comfortable talking about my family with other people, especially if they are not close to me. But to be fair with Alena, I will answer her. Isa pa, maayos naman ang pagkakatanong niya.

“She’s not getting any better.”

“Narinig ko nga na medyo hindi maganda ang lagay ni Madame Rafa,” sabat ni Dalary. “Pasensya na, Chantria, pero puwede bang magtanong sa ’yo?”

“Go ahead,” I urged her as I sipped on my mocktail.

“Kung hindi effective ang mga gamot na ibinigay ng doktor, baka ma consider niyo ang pagpapatingin sa albolaryo.”

“Puwede rin. Maraming magagaling na albolaryo sa Sitio Verde. Isa na do’n ang lola ni Charlottą.” Glenda added.

“Napag isip isip na namin ’yan pero kakausapin ko muna si mommy.”

“Puwede ka namin samahan sa Sitio Verde, Chantria. Kung gusto mo lang…”

“Delikado umakyat doon.” Alena butt in. “Dapat may kilala kayong taga Sitio Verde bago kayo umakyat.”

“Si Charlotta…” Yusef croaked.

“Oo nga. Mabait naman si Charlotta. Papayag ’yon.”

I sighed and took another sip. Maybe, one of these days, I’ll talk about it to Charlotta.

Gusto kong subukan ang lahat ng paraan para lang makatulong sa pagpapagaling sa sakit ni mommy. Kung albolaryo ang sagot, handa akong umakyat sa Sitio Verde para lang humingi ng tulong.

Dumating ang pagkain na in-order namin at gano’n din sila Trevor. Sa malapad na pang sampuan na lamesa, kaagad na nahagip niya ang bakanteng upuan sa tabi ko.

I shifted on my sit and waited for him to sit next to me. I hate it when my heart is pounding because of him.

Sa pagdaan niya sa aking likod, naamoy ko ang pabango niya at ang pag landas ng kanyang kamay sa sandalan ng aking inuupuan. At hindi niya inalis iyon hanggang sa nakaupo na siya. Nakapaharap pa siya sa akin. He’s really making sure that he will see my face closely.

Pasimpleng nagsikuhan sina Dalary at Glenda nang makita nila ang kamay ni Trevor na nakapatong sa ibabaw ng aking upuan at ang paraan kung paano nito iharap ang sarili sa gilid ko.

Trevor crouched his head until his lips almost touches my ear and his chin near my shoulder.

“Number mo?” He whispered.

Mariin akong napapikit ng pansamantala.

I can feel the butterflies inside my stomach because of the fact that he’s so close to me and he’s so confident to ask for my number even if we are in front of his friends.

“Sa bulungan talaga nagsisimula ang lahat, eh…” parinig ni Dalary na binuntutan ng tawa ng kanyang kaibigan.

“Let’s eat na. Mamaya na kayo maglambingan diyan.” Yusef shook my shoulder a bit and glared at me.

Ngumuso ako at hindi na makatingin sa katabi ko dahil hindi niya pa rin inaalis ang mukha malapit lang halos sa aking balikat. Para bang nanghihina siya at gusto niyang sumandal sa akin. Tila napapagod at sa akin gustong magpahinga.

I moved a bit to get some carbonara.

“Are you gonna eat or what?” I slightly elbow him.

Mabagal siyang umiling at napansin ko ang tahimik na paglalakbay ng kanyang mga mata sa aking mukha. As if he’s memorizing every corner of my face so that he wouldn’t forget how it looked like.

I started eating my carbonara and Trevor remained with his damn position. Hindi talaga siya nahihiya na gano’n siya makadikit at makatingin sa akin kahit may ibang tao sa harap namin.

“Oh boy, this Monterell is smitten.” Grego laughed shortly as he shook his head in embarrassment for his friend.

Tumingin sa amin si Silvano na napa-iling na lang din.

“Susunod ka na, Grego,” tukso ni Dalary na tunog may alam siya na hindi namin alam.

“What?” Grego arched his brow to his friend.

“Magkasama kayo ni Charlotta noong isang araw. Yie! Ganda sa malapitan ’no?” Glenda grinned.

Sumandal si Grego sa inuupuan. “I just wanna help her.” Then he sipped on his beer.

“Help your ass.” Silvano smirked.

“Pero talagang mas maganda siya sa malapitan?” Dalary was very curious.

“Oo.” Grego answered casually.

“Crush ’yon ni Gavin.” Tumawa si Glenda pagkatapos ibuking ang kapatid niyang kaklase ni Charlotta. “Baka liligawan din.”

Grego shifted on his sit. His face distorted annoyingly just like that.

“Gavin is cute. Bagay naman sila ni Charlotta. Why not?” I shrugged my shoulders.

Sinilip ko si Trevor sa aking gilid nang maramdaman ko ang marahan na pag galaw niya sa ribbon ng aking buhok.

“This looked cute on you.” He said gently as his fingers slowly plays with my hair and the ribbon.

“Hindi dahil nanliligaw, sasagutin na, Chantria.” Grego turned serious like a mad man.

“If Charlotta and Gavin’s feelings are mutual, I think it’s fine. Ang sarap kaya magkaro’n ng boyfriend.”

“Oo nga! Tapos magyayakapan at maghahalikan kayo!” Dalary said merrily.

“Grabe sa halikan, Dalary!” Glenda gave Dalary at disgusting gaze.

“Dalary, you’re so aggressive. Hindi naman dahil may boyfriend or girlfriend, maghahalikan na.” Alena is serious, too. Then she steal a glance at Grego.

“Bakit itong si Chantria. Palaging may kahalikan sa likod ng Gymnasium.”

Uminit ang pisngi ko sa walang prenong bibig ni Yusef na nasa tabi ko lang.

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. Pero ang kaibigan ko, masama rin ang tingin sa pinsan niyang gumawa na ng sariling mundo habang pinagmamasdan ako at maingat na nilalaro ang aking buhok gamit ang kanyang mga daliri.

“Lahat nang naging boyfriend niya, hinalikan niya. Kapag hindi masarap humalik, bini-break niya.”

“Yusef!” I pinched my friend’s waist but he only laughed and stopped my hand.

“Oh, talaga? Humanda ka diyan kay Trevor, masarap daw humalik ’yan. Baka hindi ka makipag break diyan kapag naging boyfriend mo ’yan.” Dalary threatened me playfully.

“Parang hindi naman…” I said that so I could get his attention and see what would he say.

He took a sigh and finally he sits properly.

Inaalis niya rin ang mga braso niya sa ibabaw ng sandalan ng inuupuan ako. Nang ginawa niya ’yon, pakiramdam ko parang may kung anong nawala sa akin. Hindi ko matukoy.

Tahimik siyang nagsalin ng inumin para sa kanya at nilagok niya ’yon. His adam’s apply moved.

Naputol na rin ang topic tungkol sa halikan. Mayroon ng ibang topic ang mga kasama namin doon. Dumating din si Solaris at tumabi ng upo kay Silvano.

“Are you going to stay here tonight?” He asked me after a couple of moment.

“No. I’m going home.”

“Ihahatid kita.”

Tumingin siya sa akin. Seryoso ang mga mata niya. Madilim at naninimbang.

“Do you have extra helmet?”

“Wala. Pero ayos lang. You can use mine.”

“Hindi ’yon ayos. Dapat palagi kang may helmet kapag nagmomotor.”

Humugot siya ng hangin sa dibdib. Tapos ay unti-unti siyang tumango.

“Daan muna tayo mamaya sa bahay nila Silvano para sa helmet.”

Noong lumalim na ang gabi, nag aya na silang umuwi.

“Kanino pala ako a-angkas?” Tanong ni Dalary.

“Kay Silvano nalang dahil pareho kayo ng way.” Suggestion ni Glenda. “Dito nalang ako kay Grego. Slim naman si Alena kaya kasya kaming tatlo.”

Nakahalukipkip si Solaris habang pinapanood kami. Para siyang palaging masama ang timpla kapag nasa paligid si Dalary.

“Wear your helmet.” Solaris reminded Silvano.

“Ay! Wala pala akong helmet.” Reklamo ni Dalary.

“Buy yours next time, Dalary. So you won’t have to use Silvano’s helmet.” Solaris sounded a bit irritated.

“Ang mahal ng helmet, Solaris. Hindi ko priority.”

“It’s not my problem.”

Sasagot pa sana si Dalary pero nakita ko na sinaway ni Silvano para hindi na humaba ang usapan.

Trevor put the helmet on me and locked it.

“Grabe namang pang-bi-baby ’yan. Pati pagsuot ng helmet siya pa rin ang gumagawa…” hindi matapos ang tukso sa amin nila Glenda.

“Oo! Tapos siya rin ang magtatanggal. Aayusin niya pa ang buhok ni Chantria. Grabe ba.”

Tumawa si Alena. “Kung hindi lang sixteen si Chantria. Mas okay sana.”

Umirap ako.

Kailangan pa bang sabihin ang edad ko? I will turn seventeen in a few months.

“Walang sixteen sixteen kay Trevor Monterell! Chantria Alcander na ’yan oh! Iisipin mo pa ba ang age gap!”

Napapailing nalang si Trevor sa panunukso at kadaldalan ng mga kaklase niyang babae.

I waved at Solaris and she waved back at us.

I embraced Trevor like what I used to do whenever we rode his motorcycle. I can feel the cold breeze on my body. Mas matindi ang lamig dahil sa suot kong damit. Talagang yumayakap sa katawan ko ang ginaw.

“Ang lamig!” I hissed and embraced him tighter.

I can feel his hard back against my chest. Hindi ko na alintana pa na masyadong naiipit ang aking dibdib dahil talagang iba ang lamig sa La Carlota tuwing gabi. Lalo at naka motorsiklo lang kami kaya lahat ng hangin, salong-salo naming dalawa.

I heard him sighed and then his pace went slower. Unti-unti ay itinabi niya ang motor sa gilid ng kalsada. Kaya tuloy, gano’n din ang ginawa ng mga kasama namin.

“What’s wrong?” Silvano asked curiously.

“Grabe ang lamig! Payakap nga, Vann!” Sabay pilyang niyakap ni Dalary si Silvano na marahan lang na natawa. Sanay na yata siya sa kakulitan ng mga kaibigang babae.

“Gaga ka talaga, Dalary! Pasalamat ka wala si Solaris! Chance mo na ’yan!” Ani Glenda at naghagikhikan na sila.

“It’s so cold.” I whispered softly against his nape.

Ramdam ng aking mga palad ang pag alon ng kanyang tiyan para sa isang mahabang hugot ng hangin. Bago niya unti-unting pinakawalan ’yon.

Wala rin siyang dalang jacket kaya siguro nilalamig din siya at huminto saglit. I can feel the soft fabric of his shirt against my chest.

At para akong nabuhusan ng panibagong malamig na tubig nang matanto ko kung gaano ako sobrang nakadikit sa kanya na halos maipit na ang dibdib ko para lang makaramdam ng init na galing sa kanyang likod.

I was about to at least give our bodies some distance by loosen a bit of the way I wrapped my arms around him, but he held my hands above his abdomen and keep them in place.

“Yakapin mo lang ako… para hindi ka masyadong lamigin…” ang napapaos na tinig niya ay tinangay kasabay ng mga tuyong dahon na nag bagsakan dahil sa pag ihip ng hangin.

I nodded slowly and moved closer to make sure that I could feel the heat from his back body to warm myself.

Nang makarating kami sa bahay nila Silvano, gising pa si tita Zafira. Mukhang inaasahan ang pagdating namin.

“Bakit ginabi kayo ng husto?”

Silvano kissed his mother’s cheek. “Napasarap lang po ang kwentuhan, Mama.”

She’s already wearing a royal blue silk robe. Her beauty is timeless that it made me curious about where is her husband? Or does she still have one?

Trevor kissed tita Zafria’s cheek too. “Ihahatid ko lang po muna si Chantria sa kanila.”

I hugged tita a bit because I couldn’t kiss her since I’m still wearing the helmet.

“Hija, nagpaalam ka ba sa inyo na gagabihin ka ng uwi?”

“Opo. I texted Soledad. Sinabi ko rin po na pauwi na ako.”

“Kukuha lang akong jacket.” Paalam sa akin ni Trevor at tumalima na siya.

“Do you like something to drink?”

“No, tita. Thank you. Pasensya na po sa abala. Ang lamig po kasi sa daan kaya kailangan namin dumaan dito. Kukuha rin po ng helmet.”

“It’s okay. Hindi naman din ako nakakatulog hanggat hindi umuuwi si Silvano.”

Trevor made me wear his jacket. He also wore another one for him.

Kalaunan, nagpaalam na kami kay tita Zafira para na rin hindi na masyadong gabihin ng lalo si Trevor pabalik.

Niyakap ko siya habang dinadama ang malamig na simoy ng hangin, ang tahimik na paligid, at ang madilim na daan na binabagtas namin.

I supposed to feel scared because we are alone in that rough and dark road, but I don’t. What I feel is the tranquility inside my chest and the way how my heart beat against his back.

Pakiramdam ko, kahit gaano pa kadilim ang daanan namin, kahit gaano pa nakakatakot ’yon, hindi ako makakaramdam ng kaba na baka may mangyaring masama sa akin. Dahil… nandiyan siya. Kasama ko siya. Yakap ko siya sa gitna ng karimlan. Hindi ako nag iisa.

Tahimik ang mansion nang makarating kami. The dimmed lights around looked peaceful. Para bang walang sakunang nangyayari sa loob. Para bang normal na tahanan na masaya at walang problema.

He removed my helmet and fixed my hair after.

That put a smile on my lips.

Hinayaan ko siyang marahan na ayusin ang aking buhok na nagulo. Katulad kung paano ko hinayaan ang sarili kanina na damhin ang ginhawa at katahimikan habang nakayakap sa kanya.

“Salamat ulit sa paghatid sakin.” I croaked.

He nods his head. He’s still wearing his helmet. He didn’t bother to remove it because he won’t stay long. Nasa isang kamay niya naman ang helmet na ginamit ko.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Where I will see you?”

“Well…” he pulled out his phone from his pocket.

I leered when I realized what he meant when he handed it to me.

I grabbed it from him and typed my number. I even sent a text message to my phone just to make sure I’ll get his number.

“You have my number na. Makakatulog ka na ng maayos niyan?” I joked.

He ignored me. Instead, he dialed my number and waited for it to ring.

When my phone vibrated inside my bag, I pulled it out to show him the screen.

He ended the call and he looked satisfied.

“Pumasok ka na.”

Mabilis akong umiling. “Ihahatid kita… ng tanaw.”

He watched me for a moment and swear, I felt my chest booming.

Malamlam ang kanyang mga mata kahit na para bang pagod o ano. Then he gently grabbed my waist and pulled me closer to him to embrace me.

Animo wala akong lakas na nagpadala sa kanya. Hinayaan ang sarili na sa pagkakataong ’yon, siya naman ang nakayakap sa akin kahit isang braso lang ang gamit.

Malambing kong hinilig ang aking pisngi sa kanyang dibdib.

“Good night.” He muttered in a low tone.

“Night…” I whispered back.

Ilang sandali niya pa akong niyakap. Nagpaubaya ako. Dahil gano’n ang ginawa niya sa akin kanina. Hindi siya nag reklamo habang niyayakap ko siya kahit gaano pa kahigpit ’yon. Gusto kong ibalik sa kanya ang yakap na hindi niya ipinagdamot sa akin.

“Text me when you get home.” I said softly.

His chuckle echoed my ears.

Ngumuso ako. “So I will know that you’re back safely. Paano kung may hindi magandang mangyari sayo sa daan? Madilim at mag isa ka pa naman.”

“Walang mangyayari sa akin.”

“Kahit pa! Hindi ako matutulog kapag hindi ka nag text na nakauwi ka na!” Banta ko sa kanya pero parang mas natutuwa siya sa gano’n.

I pinched his waist because he looked like he doesn’t take my words seriously. Ang kaninang namumungay na mga mata ay ngayo’y maligalig na.

“Trevor!”

“Oo na. I’ll text you.” Muli siyang natawa.

Guminhawa ako nang sabihin niya ’yon. I don’t want to go to sleep without knowing that he’s back home.

I sighed as I stares at him preparing to leave. Para akong biglang nalumbay dahil naramdaman ko na mag isa ulit ako. Muling lumungkot ang gabi sa akin.

Pinanood ko siyang mawala nang pa unti-unti sa aking paningin habang tuluyan siyang naglaho sa dilim.

6 ~ COURT

CHAPTER SIX

I rolled above my bed while giggling when I received a message from Trevor.

I told myself that I won’t go to sleep without knowing that he’s back home safely. Madilim ang daan, maalikabok, at nakakatakot. Kung hindi ko siya kanina kasama habang binabaybay ang daan pauwi rito sa amin, tiyak na kinabahan na ako. Hindi ako sanay sumakay sa motrosiklo, pero kapag kay Trevor, ayos lang sa akin. Pakiramdam ko, hindi rin ako magrereklamo.

Tevor:

I’m home. Are you still awake?

Bahagya akong napanguso para lang supilin ang ngiti na gustong kumawala sa labi ko.

I can’t believe I am feeling this way towards a boy… no, Trevor Monterell wasn’t a boy to me. He doesn’t look like one though. He’s far way ahead from all the boys I see in our school. Probably because aside from he’s years older than me, he’s also tall and his body is solid with right muscles in place.

Ang mga lalaking kapareho ng edad ko, matatangkad man, ngunit ang katawan ay hindi kagaya ng kay Trevor. There’s really something attractive on him that interest me.

I type a reply and made sure I don’t sounds excited that I am now chatting with him.

Chantria:

I am awake.

That’s the only message I sent. Naghintay ako ng ilang minuto pero wala ng reply galing sa kanya. Should I send another message? At ano naman ang sasabihin ko? Ayokong bigyan siya ng kahit na anong dahilan para malaman niya na natutuwa ako na may contact na kami sa isa’t isa.

Trevor:

Okay. Let’s sleep.

I pursed my lips. It’s only eleven in the evening. But fine, if he’s going to sleep, I’ll do the same. We can always chat anytime tomorrow.

Chantria:

Salamat ulit sa paghatid sa akin. Next time, I’ll give you money for gas.

Trevor:

No need for that.

Chantria:

Why not?

I am laying on my side. My eyelids get heavier already.

Trevor:

I have money to pay for my gas. Aren’t you sleepy?

Chantria:

I can help paying for gas too. I have allowance.

Trevor:

Chantria, I won’t accept your money.

I yawned. I’m feeling sleepy now.

Chantria:

Okay. Good night then.

Trevor:

Good night.

I put my cellphone back to the side table and closed my eyes.

There are times that Trevor and I saw each when we were in school. Napapadalas ang pagkikita namin kapag tumatambay kami ni Yusef sa likod ng Gymnasium. Nanonood kami ng football kapag may training sila.

“So many flirt here!” Yusef murmured.

“Huh?”

“Look at those college students, they are annoying. Sino ba ang nagpapakilig sa kanila diyan sa mga player?”

My gaze went to the other bench where a group of girls were watching the football too. Kaya sila umaagaw ng atensyon ay dahil sa hagikhikan nila.

I admit, I don’t really like the players. Para sa akin mayabang sila. Ayoko rin kasi ng mga pawisin. Siguro isa ito sa mga dahilan kung bakit hindi ko sinasagot ang mga varsity player na nanligaw sa akin. I like boys who have a pleasant smell. Kaunting may maamoy lang ako na mabaho, I easily get turn off.

“Baka crush nila.”

“Obviously, Chantria. But can’t they just tone down their giggles? Nakakasira ng katahimikan sa paligid eh!”

“Trevor! Trevor! Payag na raw si Jolene na ligawan mo!” I heard one of them yelled, then pointed at the other girl they are with.

I rolled my eyes.

“Ang hilig talaga ni Trevor sa mga morena…” Yusef said.

Muli kong ibinalik ang tingin sa babaeng tinutukoy na liligawan ni Trevor. She’s pretty, tall, and has a morena skin. Her hair is bob cut that suits her face.

“Lahat ng mga naging girlfriend niya, walang naligaw na maputi…” dagdag pa ng kaibigan ko.

Napatingin ako sa aking braso. The bright afternoon sunlight defined my fair skin. I can even see the thin veins at the back of my hands.

So, Trevor likes brown skin. How about me, then? Does it mean he doesn’t like me because I have a skin like milk?

“Tingin mo, nililigawan niya ’yan?”

“Possible. He’s single I think.”

I took a deep breath. Yeah, he’s single. He’s free to court any girl he likes. But what about us? We always text. Sometimes he calls at night. What are we then?

Nang matapos ang training, nagsialisan na ang mga player sa football field at naglakad papunta sa Gymnasium. I saw Trevor walking towards the girls’ direction. Naghagikhikan ulit sila at panay ang tukso kay Jolene.

“Yusef, let’s go…” aya ko.

“We still have twenty minuets break, Chantria. Why hurry?”

“Hindi ko pa nagagawa ang assignment sa next subject.”

“Tss. Dito mo nalang gawin. Papakopyahin kita.”

“Hindi na. Do’n nalang sa room. Ang init na dito.”

I shouldn’t be affected. Ano naman kung may nililigawan si Trevor? Kung magkakaro’n siya ng girlfriend, madali lang sa akin maghanap ng boyfriend.

“Kanina ka pa nakasimangot, Reva Chantria Alcander. Hello? Are you with me?” Yusef waved his hand in front of my face.

Matatapos na ang last subject namin pero nasa isip ko pa rin si Trevor. We don’t have a clear status. This is the only reason why I am bothered that he might be courting Jolene.

“Do you have anything to do this weekend?” I asked my friend.

“We are going to Bacolod. How ’bout you?”

“I’d stay at home then. Wala ka naman. Kaya wala rin akong kasama kung may gusto man akong puntahan.”

“Next weakened, I’ll be free. Let’s stay in Playa Azure. How’s tita Rafa by the way?”

“She’s not really doing well, Yusef…” I heaved a sigh. “She’s getting worse.”

“Well, Chantria, before it’s too late you better ask your dad to bring your mom to Manila.”

“Ayaw ni mommy…”

“You need to do something. Pilitin mo siya at ang daddy mo. Bago pa lumala ang kalagayan ni tita.”

Palagi ko naman sinasabihan si mommy na magpunta na kami sa Maynila. Siguradong mas maraming magaling na doktor doon, malalaki rin ang hospital at kumpleto sa lahat ng medical supplies. The chance for her to get heal is high.

I grabbed my shoulder bag when our teacher dismissed our class.

“See you on Monday, Yusef. Pasalubong, huh?”

“Yeah. Pineapple tarts.”

Inakbayan ko siya. “You really know me.”

“Of course. Ilan taon na tayong magkaibigan, Reva. Alam ko halos ang lahat sa ’yo.”

“Same. Alam ko rin ang mga sekreto mo. Sana tumagal pa lalo ang pagkakaibigan natin. Hindi ko kailangan ng marami. Sapat ka na sa ’kin.”

“Aw… you made my hear melt.”

Nagyakap kami habang nagtatawanan.

Si Yusef lang talaga ang best friend ko. Wala akong intensyon maghanap pa ng idadagdag sa kanya. Kaya kapag abala siya sa sarili niyang buhay, wala rin akong ibang nakakasama o nakakausap.

Naglakad kami papunta sa parking lot. Nando’n na ang sundo niya habang ang sa akin naman ay on the way palang. Pinauna ko na si Yusef dahil mamayang gabi rin ang biyahe nila papunta sa Bacolod.

While waiting for Delfino, I sat at the bench and watch other students leaving. Sandali lang akong napag isa dahil sumulpot bigla sa harap ko si Trevor.

He’s wearing his engineering uniform. He looked fresh and clean with that white short sleeve polo, black trouser pants and leather shoes.

“You didn’t reply to my messages…” he trailed off.

I leered. I intentionally ignored his messages because I am annoyed. I admit it now.

“I was busy.”

“Are you still busy now?”

I let out a breath. Magkasalubong ang mga kilay ko. Nakalimutan ko na nga ang tungkol sa kanya at kay Jolene, heto at naalala ko na naman tuloy. I can feel the bitterness in me.

“Huh. It’s not my responsibility to reply to your messages, Trevor.”

I avoided his gaze. I don’t really wanna talk to him right now because I don’t feel good. Baka kung ano pang masasakit na salita ang mga masabi ko sa kanya na pagsisihan ko kapag nakauwi na ako.

Trevor occupied the space beside me. I smell his natural scent and his perfume. Nagiging pamilyar na sa akin ang mabangong amoy niya.

“Do we have a problem?” He asked in a mellow tone.

My face contorted. I have a problem with him but I’m not gonna tell it. Lalo at babae pa ang dahilan. Baka isipin niya ay may gusto ako sa kanya.

“Why did you ask me that?”

“Because I feel it. If you have a problem with me, we can talk about it.”

Ganito ba talaga mag isip kapag college student na? Mature na ba talaga sila? Na kapag naramdaman na may hindi pagkakaunawaan, gusto agad nilang pag usapan?

“Busy lang talaga ako buong araw.”

“Nakita ko kayo ni Yusef kanina sa likod ng Gymnasium. Pupuntahan sana kita pero bigla kang umalis.”

Nakita niya pala ako. Bakit hindi siya nagmadail na puntahan ako kung talagang sa akin ang tungo niya? Ang pagkakatanda ko, sa grupo siya ni Jolene papunta. Ano ba ang ginawa niya ro’n? Nanligaw na ba talaga siya? Kung gano’n, bakit pa siya nandito sa ’kin?

“Trevor, ano ’yan? Si Chantria naman ang pinopormahan mo?” kantiyaw ng mga football player nang mapadaan sila.

“Akala ko ba si Jolene?”

“Chantria, ’wag kang maniwala diyan! Playboy ’yan!”

“Mga gago!” Trevor hissed at them with a smile.

I crossed my arms above my chest. Ang tagal naman ni Delfino!

“Bakit ka pa nandito? Hindi mo ba isasabay sa pag uwi ’yong nililigawan mo?” My voice was supposed to be light, but I sounded bitter.

“Hmm, isasabay ko sana kaya lang galit yata siya sa ’kin.”

Lalo lang nagsalubong ang mga kilay ko. “Eh, ’di, suyuin mo!”

“Magpapasuyo kaya?”

I drastically let out a breath. I faced him to let him know how annoyed I am. Nakita ko ang pagka aliw sa mga mata niya habang pinagmamasdan ang mukha kong hindi na marahil maipinta. There’s a sly smile on his lips too.

“Ewan ko? Bakit hindi mo puntahan?”

Trevor bites his bottom lip. As if he was trying to suppress a damn smile. Then he squinted his eyes.

“I am with her now…” he muttered gently.

When I realized what he meant, my cheeks heated so bad. Ang init ay umikot pa hanggang sa aking batok. Hindi ko rin inaasahan ang biglaang kalabog dibdib ko. Napalunok ako para lang alisin ang tila bumara sa aking lalamunan.

Nag iwas ako ng tingin sa kanya. What the hell he was talking about? Ako ba ang nililigawan niya? Bakit hindi ko alam? O mali lang ako nang pagkakaintindi sa ginagawa namin?

Hindi naman siguro siya tatawag tuwing gabi kung pagkakaibigan lang ang gusto niya sa akin? Hindi niya naman siguro sasabihin sa akin ang mga ginagawa niya o mga pinupuntahan niya dahil lang bored ako at kailangan ko ng kausap?

“You mean… Jolene?”

“Are you Jolene?” He taunted.

I pursed my lips. Kung kanina sobra akong naiirita, ngayon naman ay para akong dinuduyan sa ibabaw ng ulap.

“Trevor, I’m not kidding.”

“Chantria, hindi ko nililigawan si Jolene. Saan mo nakuha ang maling balita na ’to?”

“Narinig ko sila kanina. Payag na daw siyang ligawan mo. So, what do you want me to feel, huh?”

Bumuntonghininga siya. He turned his body to face me more, but I stayed on my position. I sit straight, eyes in front of me, and acting like he didn’t matter to me at all. But I’m listening though.

“Was that the reason why you suddenly left?”

I am not gonna admit this to him. No way!

“No. We left because we needed to go back to our classroom.”

“Was that the reason why you didn’t reply to my messages?”

Nanliit ang mga mata ko. Hindi ako papayag na malaman niyang apektado ako sa narinig ko kanina tungkol sa sinasabing nililigawan niya. Hindi naman pala! Nasayang lang ang iritasyon ko buong hapon. Mali naman pala ako nang pagkakaintindi!

“I was just busy, Trevor. Hayaan mo, mamaya, magrereply na ako sa mga message mo.”

“Gusto ko sanang pag usapan natin ’to ng malinaw, Chantria. Una sa lahat, hindi ko nililigawan si Jolene. I don’t court other girls too.”

I bite the inside of my cheek. My heart was racing and it irked me.

“Ikaw lang ang nililigawan ko…” malambing niyang sabi.

Tila ako natutunaw. Hindi ko yata kakayanin na manatiling malamig sa kanya kung ganito niya ako suyuin. Sa lambing palang ng boses niya, para na akong dahon ng makahiya na kaunting sagi lang, tumutupi na.

“Hindi si Jolene?”

“Hindi.”

“Hindi mo siya gusto?”

“Hindi.”

“Pero siya ang tipo mo. Morena…” marahan kong sambit.

He chuckled. “Hindi na morena ang gusto ko.”

Gusto kong mapapikit dahil talagang nag iinit ang buong mukha ko. Nararamdaman ko na alam ko na ang bago niyang gusto sa isang babae. I don’t want to assume though.

“Ano na ang ang gusto mo?”

Mula sa mukha ko, bumaba ang mga mata niya sa aking braso. Ang bawat lapat ng tingin niya sa balat ko ay nagbibigay sa akin ng nakakahibang na damdamin. Tiniis ko talaga na huwag igalaw ang aking katawan. Para lang hindi niya malaman na apektado ako.

“I like milky skin now…” he almost whispered the words.

My heart won’t stop from pounding against my ribcage.

Kanina no’ng nasa classroom ako, inisip ko pa talaga na magbababad ako sa dagat ng Playa Azure para lang kahit papano ay dumilim naman ang balat ko. But right now, I am changing my mind. Trevor Monterell likes my fair skin. I don’t need to have my skin burned just because I want to be a morena. He likes what I naturally have. It boosted my confidence.

Nang makita ko na pumasok sa gate ang sasakyan namin, tila ako nanghinayang. Gusto ko pa sanang tumagal na makasama si Trevor. Alam kong magiging abala siya ngayong weekend. Baka hindi rin kami magkita.

“Nandito na ang sundo ko,” imporma ko sa kanya kahit na nakita niya na rin naman ang itim na SUV.

“May gagawin ka ba bukas?” tanong niya.

Tumayo ako at inayos ang bag ko. He remained seated, looking up on me while waiting for my answer.

“Wala naman. Bakit?”

Sinikop ko ang mahaba kong buhok nang umihip ang panghapon na hangin. Ang lagaslas ng mga tuyong dahon sa lupa ay tila tunog ng kalmadong hampas ng alon sa dalampasigan.

“Gusto mo bang magpunta sa bahay nila Silvano? We’ll play some music there.”

I nodded my head. “Sure! Ano’ng oras?”

“Hapon pa. Papasok pa kasi ako sa azucarera.”

“Pwede rin kitang puntahan sa azucarera nila Grego…”

“Huwag na. Baka madumihan ka lang do’n.”

“Okay lang. I’m not gonna be maarte.”

Sumilay ang munting ngiti sa labi niya. “Let’s talk about it later.”

Tumayo siya nang huminto sa tapat namin ang sasakyan. He’s the one who opened the door of the back passenger seat for me.

“Magandang hapon, mang Delfino.” Bati niya sa driver.

“Magandang hapon din, Trevor.”

“I’ll call you later.” I said and waved at him.

Tumango siya at pinanood ang pag alis ng sinasakyan ko.

When Trevor was not on my sight anymore, I silently took a deep breath. I feel lighter now because we already talked and have things cleared between us. So, he’s really courting me, huh?

7 ~ PLAYGIRL

CHAPTER SEVEN

I am getting ready to go to meet Trevor and Grego. Napilit ko si Trevor na doon nalang kami magkita sa azucarera. I am wondering what exactly he does there. I wanna see him doing labour.

“Mommy, magpupunta lang po ako sa mga kaibigan ko.”

My mother is getting weaker and weaker every passing day. She’s now resting on her bed, pale and losing weight. I sat at the space beside her and hold her soft hand.

“Gusto ko lang ulitin ang tungkol sa pagpapagamot mo sa Maynila. Can we go there? It’s for your own sake, mom. Please, I hope you listen to me and to dad…”

Marahan siyang umiling. “I don’t wanna leave here, anak. I don’t wanna be away from your father.”

Parang tinutusok ng punyal ang puso ko. Palagi silang nag aaway ni daddy pero nakikita ko na mahal na mahal niya pa rin talaga. Alam niya ba ang tungkol sa mga rumors? About her husband having an affair? Probably, she knows already. That’s why they always end up fighting whenever my father is here.

Madalang nang umuwi si daddy dito sa mansyon namin. Madalang na rin kaming magkita. We do exchange messages but it wasn’t enough. I honestly need him right now. Wala ng oras sa akin si mommy para alagaan ako, hindi tulad dati na palagi kaming magkasama at masaya. She cannot do it now because she’s very sick.

I need my parents because I feel like I slowly losing both of them and it pain me so much.

Tuwing nasa labas ako, do’n ko lang kahit papano nararamdaman na may buhay ako. Sa labas ko iginugugol ng husto ang mga oras ko para lang makaiwas sa bigat ng nangyayari sa aking pamilya. I thank Yusef because I have him. May napagsasabihan ako ng mga nangyayari sa akin. But I am also scared that one day, my best friend would get tired listening to me.

“Isasama po natin si daddy sa Maynila. I will convince him.”

She smiles faintly at me. “Don’t bother, Chantria. He’s too busy to even go home.”

I swallowed the bile in my throat. Every beat of my heart for my mother is tormenting.

Gaano kabigat kaya ang nararamdaman niya ngayon? How excruciating it was to know that the man you loved, the man you married, the man you have promised to spend your life with, was painfully slipping away from your life?

“Palagi lang po kasi kayong nag aaway kapag umuuwi siya dito. Kaya po siguro ayaw niya na tayong uwian…” malungkot kong sabi.

I blinked to stop my tears from falling on my cheeks. I don’t want my mother to see me being weak. Mahina na nga siya, tapos ako rin? Hindi dapat ganito. I want to be her strength. I hope my mom would see me as a strong person. Baka sakaling kapag ganito, mahawa siya sa akin. Kailangan kong manatiling malakas para sa kanya.

“He stopped calling me too…” her voice cracked.

Tumingala ako dahil mahuhulog na ang aking mga luha. Ayokong umiyak sa harap niya. I can only cry alone, in my bed, when nobody sees me.

“I will text him, mom. Sasabihin ko po na tawagan ka niya.”

“Huwag na. Ayos lang ako. Nasasanay na ako na wala siya palagi sa tabi ko.” She avoided my gaze when I noticed her tears forming her eyes.

Kinagat ko ang labi ko para pigilan ang nagbabadyang hikbi galing sa akin. No matter how much I tried to stop my tears, I cannot…

I hugged my mom, bury my face on her shoulder, and silently cry with her.

I had a good cry with mommy. She also did my hair braid as her way to let me know that I still have her. Palagi niyang inaayos ang buhok ko dati at sa totoo lang, namiss ko ang ganito.

Magaan ang pakiramdam ni mommy no’ng iniwan ko siya. Now, I am on my way to Almendarez largest azucarera.

Grego:

You can wait in my office. Trevor can pick you up here.

I am texting Grego to have an easy access to the gate.

Chantria:

I wanna see Trevor first. Can I go to where he works?

Grego:

He’s doing heavy labour today. It’s up to you.

Chantria:

Okay. We’ll go to your office after. Para sabay-sabay na tayong magpunta sa bahay nila Silvano.

Grego:

Okay. See you then.

Chantria:

See you!

After Delfino dropped me off in front of the massive building, he left. I then walked towards the entrance.

“Good afternoon, Ma’am. Saan po ang tungo mo?”

“Uh, I am here to see Grego and Trevor. But can I see Trevor first? Nagpaalam na ako kay Grego.”

Tumango ang guwardiya. “This way, Ma’am… sa left corner, nando’n sila Trevor.”

“Salamat po!”

I didn’t hurry to see Trevor. I was taking my time. The workers were glancing at me. Some probably knows me, some were just amazed.

I am wearing a baby blue boat neck top, high waisted jeans, and Gucci sneakers. My hair is in single French braid, styled by my mom. I have my Gucci sling bag with me as well for my personal things.

Natanaw ko ang mga lalaking trabahador na may buhat ng mga sako ng tubo marahil. Galing sila sa labas—kung nasaan nakatanim ang sugar canes.

I stopped from walking when I spotted Trevor Monterell. He’s carrying a heavy sack of cut canes on his shoulder, topless and only wearing a faded pants. He’s sweating badly that his skin shines while the sweats glazing his upper body. He carries the loaded sack as if it didn’t weight that much. I gulped when I noticed his ripped stomach and the way his biceps flexed.

He doesn’t need to go to Gym to have such body. Carrying heavy sacks everyday is enough to build that solid muscles and protruding veins. Kaya pala ibang iba siya sa mga lalaki na nakikita ko. There’s something interesting about him that caught my attention.

Mayaman sila, Congressman ang tatay niya, at bahagi siya ng pamilya Monterell na kilala hindi lang sa La Carlota pati na rin sa karatig bayan. Pero ganitong klaseng pamumuhay ang pinili niya. He choses this way of living where comfort wasn’t part of it. For what? To make money? To support himself? Or maybe like what I heard from other people, he’s rebellious.

Trevor stretched his arms after he dropped the sack. Tumingala siya at mariin na pumikit.

“Hindi na kailangan magpunta sa gym ni Trevor.” Ani ng isang lalaki sabay tapik sa tiyan ni Trevor.

Natawa siya at napailing. “Isa nalang. Out na ako.”

“Oo. Bukas ulit ng umaga.”

Maglalakad na sana ulit si Trevor para kumuha ng isa pang sako, pero napansin niya ang mga sulyap sa akin ng ibang trabahador.

I almost sucked on my breath when his gaze drifted to me. At nang binagtas niya ang daan patungo sa akin, para na akong liliparin ng puso ko sa sobrang lakas ng tibok nito.

“Why are you here?” His thick brow shot up.

Napalunok ulit ako. Hindi ko inaasahan na ganito ang magiging epekto niya sa akin. This is too much. My heart shouldn’t beat like crazy!

“Just checking you out…”

“Madudumihan ka lang dito. Sa opisina nalang tayo ni Grego magkita.”

“Malapit ka na matapos?” Para akong paslit na excited na mapunta sa akin ang buong atensyon niya.

Hindi niya inaalis ang titig niya sa akin. Gano’n din ako sa kanya. I don’t wanna be bothered with his body in front of me. I’d rather stare on his face. This way, I’d be safe. Because I am sure, once my eyes move to look on his muscles, he’d notice it. And that would embarrassing on my part.

“Oo. Can you leave now?”

Halatang ayaw niya na nandito ako. Para hindi na namin ito pagtalunan, tumango nalang ako.

“Okay. I will wait for you in Grego’s office and—”

“Trevor! Tara na!” tawag sa kanya ng isang babae.

I tried to see who the hell was the girl but Trevor moved his body to block my eyesight.

“Wala kaming inspirasyon dito!”

Lumiit ang mga mata ko. Anong inspirasyon? Tumitingin ba sila sa katawan ni Trevor katulad kung paano ko tignan kanina? At may mga babae pala siyang ka-trabaho?

“Pupuntahan kita sa opisina niya.”

I scoffed. “Okay. Balik ka na do’n. Naghihintay na sila sa ’yo.”

“Go…” he gestured me to go back to where I came from.

Inirapan ko siya at tinalikuran.

“By the way, you looked very pretty…” he said.

Nahinto ako sa paglalakad at unti-unting ipinihit ang katawan paharap sa kanya. I can feel my heart is really getting wild. This is madness!

“I know. Thanks!” I smirked.

“Who did your braids? That’s looked good on you.”

A smile crept my lips. “My mom…”

“Very pretty.”

Ngumiti ako sa kanya at kinawayan na siya. “Bye!”

Masaya ako nang makapasok sa opisina ni Grego. I found him sitting on his swivel chair. Behind him is a glass wall with a view of greens and far afar is the majestic Mt. Kalaon.

“I have something to discuss with you.” Grego muttered and gestured me to sit at the chair in front of his table.

“What is it?”

“About Charlotta…”

“What about her?”

“She wants to join in Miss Intrams, but she’s worried about the expenses. I am thinking if you can pretend to be her sponsor.”

“And you’re the one who is going to pay for her expenses?”

“Yeah.”

I grinned at him. “You liked her that much, huh.”

“Can you do that favor?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Sure!”

Sumandal siya at halatang nakahinga ng maluwag.

“I thought, Charlotta is working here every weekends? Where is she?”

“She can’t make it today.”

“Can I work here too?”

Kumunot ang kanyang noo. “Why would you do that?”

“Because I’m bored?”

Grego laughed as if he’s amuse. “Chantria, people work here to make money for living.”

“Wala akong ginagawa sa amin every weekend. Why don’t I use that time to work, di ba? And I can make money too!”

“You don’t need money from here.” He’s chuckling.

“Ang daya mo naman! Kapag si Charlotta, pwede. Kapag ako, hindi?”

“Gusto mo lang yata magtrabaho rito para makita si Trevor.” Tukso niya sa akin.

“Hindi ah!”

I am just honestly bored. Ayoko rin kasi na manatili sa amin, nalulungkot lang ako sa kagalayan ni mommy at sa nangyayari na rin sa pamilya ko. Kailangan kong maghanap ng mga paraan para makalayo ako mula sa mga problema ko.

“How’s tita Rafa?”

Bumagsak ang balikat ko. “She’s still weak. She doesn’t wanna go to Manila for a better medication.”

“How ’bout your dad?”

“Did you hear the rumors about my dad?”

“What about it?”

“That he has a secret affair… that he’s cheating with my mom.”

“Do you have a roof? Or just rumors?”

I shook my head. “Just rumors. Pero Grego, madalang na siyang umuwi sa bahay.”

He sighed. “Talk to him, Chantria. You have all the rights to question your father’s doing.”

Tumango ako. Gano’n nga ang gagawin ko. Gusto kong personal na makausap si daddy. Kahit pa sinabi niya sa akin na huwag akong maniwala sa mga rumor, I still need to make sure that he’s not cheating with my mother.

Nang dumating si Trevor sa opisina ni Grego, nakapagpalit na siya ng malinis na damit. Ilan pang sandali ay umalis na kami. Nakayakap ako sa kanya habang sakay ng motorsiklo niya. Grego on the other hand will go home first, before he goes to Silvano’s house. Susunod nalang siya.

Tita Safira is cooking snacks when we arrived. I kissed her cheek as my usual greetings.

“Maliligo muna ako.” Paalam sa akin ni Trevor.

I nodded my head and stayed in the kitchen with tita.

“Galing ka rin sa azucarera?” Tanong niya.

“Opo. Do’n na kami nagkita. Umuwi muna si Grego sa kanila. Susunod nalang daw po muna.”

“I see. Nag meryenda ka na ba?”

“Hindi pa nga po, tita.”

“Here, have some…” she gave me a plate of sticky soup with different kind sliced banana, tapioca pearls, and so on.

“What’s this?”

“Bilo-bilo…” she smiled at me.

“Oh! Let me try this bilo-bilo.” I took a spoon and taste it.

It’s a little bit sweet and delicious. Nagpatuloy ako sa pagkain dahil nagugutom din ako.

“Where is Silvano, tita?”

“They just left. Gusto kasi ni Solaris ng street foods. Ang sabi ko bumili nalang sila ng hindi luto. Dito nalang namin lulutuin.”

What’s between Silvano and Solaris, huh?

I heard motorcycle outside. Followed by familiar voices.

“Nandito na sila…” si tita.

Pumasok ang mga kaibigan nila Trevor. Sila-sila pa rin naman. Ang pinagkaiba lang, kasama si Jolene. Kaagad na pumait ang timpla ko.

“Tita, we are here! This is Jolene. Magaling siyang kumanta. Try niya daw mag audition sa Safira.” Dalary announced.

“Hi, Jolene. Welcome here.”

“Salamat po.” Jolene was polite.

“Oh, nandito pala si Chantria. Sinong kasama mo?”

“Si Trevor.” Sagot ko sa kaswal na tono.

Ang tatlong babae ay nagpaalam na magpupunta sa likod ng bahay kung saan naka set up ang musical instruments. May table and chairs na rin doon para sa pagkain mamaya lang.

When Trevor came in, he’s already wearing a white cotton t-shirt and black shorts. He looked fresh and smells so good. Lumapit siya agad sa akin.

“What are you having?”

“Bilo-bilo.”

“Let me try…” he leaned a bit and opens his mouth.

My lips parted. What does he wants me to do? Feed him?

My hand shook a bit when I scoop the bilo-bilo and put the spoon on his mouth.

“Uyy! Nakita ko ’yon!” tukso ni Glenda.

Uminit ang pisngi ko.

“Grabe talaga ’to si Trevor! Pati si Chantria nilalandi!”

Trevor’s eyes locked on mine.

“Did you like it?” I asked and ignored Glenda’s teasing.

“I did.”

“Trevor, nandito si Jolene. Tara!” Tawag ni Dalary mula sa likod ng bahay.

Hindi ko tinignan kung nasaan sila. I just know that they are watching us from there.

“Tawag ka…” marahan na sabi ko.

“Mamaya!” He told them then pulled the chair next to mine. “Dito muna ako…”

Sumulyap sa amin si tita Safira. “Trevor, ha, sixteen palang ’yan si Chantria. Matuto kang maghintay.”

“Tita naman. Hindi naman po ako nagmamadali.” He chuckled.

“Malapit na po akong mag seventeen, tita.” I informed her.

“Pero pinapayagan ka na bang mag boyfriend?”

“Alam po ni mommy kapag may boyfriend ako.”

“Always tell your mom if you have new boyfriend. Do not hide it from her. In that way, you will continue to earn her trust. Do not break it.”

“Thanks, tita. I will inform my mom po kapag may bago na akong boyfriend.”

“Ang ganda ganda mo pa naman. Siguradong maraming nagkakagusto sa ’yo sa eskwelahan niyo.”

“Playgirl nga po, tita…” si Trevor na nangingiti.

Tita Safira laughed heartily. “Huwag mong paglaruan si Trevor. Baka gantihan ka niyan.”

That made me giggled. Napapairap ako kay Trevor na nakaupo sa harap ko. His legs wide a bit and his knees almost touched mine.

“Hindi na po ako playgirl.”

Trevor lifted his eyebrow at me. “Talaga?”

I shook my head while pursing my lips. “Hindi na nga.”

He lifted his hand to pinch my cheek slightly. “I’m not gonna lie. You’re so pretty today.”

“Did you like my braid?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Hindi ko ’to kayang gawin mag isa. Dapat may mag braid sa ’kin.”

“I wanna learn how to braid… just for you.” His low voice was soothing me.

My smile formed my lips as I stared back at him.

8 ~ JERSEY

CHAPTER EIGHT

When they started playing the music instruments, I moved at the backyard to watch them. Kasama ko sa lamesa ang mga kaibigan nila Trevor at si Jolene na pangiti-ngiti lang. Solaris on the other hand rather help tita Safira in the kitchen.

“Totoo ba? Nililigawan ka ni Trevor?” Glenda curiously asked Jolene.

“Huh? Hindi.”

“Weh?”

“Hindi naman. Wala naman siyang sinabi.”

“Akala namin nililigawan ka niya.” Si Dalary.

“Tinutukso lang siya sa akin ng mga kaklase ko. Pero walang ligawan na nangyayari.”

At least, Jolene is honest, huh.

“Pero kapag niligawan ka ni Trevor? May pag asa ba?” Dalary shrieked.

“Mukhang hindi naman ako ang tipo niya,” sabay sulyap sa akin ni Jolene.

I sipped on my gulaman juice. I was pretending that I don’t hear them.

“Ikaw kaya! Mahilig ’yan si Trevor sa mga morena na magaganda, Jolene. Bagay nga kayo eh.”

I stopped myself from rolling my eyes. Minsan, gusto ko itong mga kaibigan ni Trevor dahil tinutukso nila ako sa kanya. Ngayon, naiirita ako sa kanila dahil halatang boto sila kay Jolene.

“I don’t want to assume. Hanggat wala siyang sinasabi na manliligaw siya, hindi ako aasa.”

“Pero kapag nanligaw nga? May pag asa ba ang kaibigan namin sa ’yo?”

A shy smile escaped from Jolene’s lips. “Oo naman.”

Nagtiliaan sina Dalary at Glenda. Kaya napatingin sa gawi namin si Trevor. When our eyes met, I leered at him.

“Trevor, pwede na ba si Jolene diyan? Kanta na kayo!” Udyok ni Dalary.

I wish Yusef was here. Para naman may kakampi ako. Hindi ko naman kasi maasahan si Solaris dahil mas gusto niya kay tita Safira kaysa harapin itong mga babaeng kasama ko.

“Sandali lang. May inaayos pa kami.”

“Excited na kaming makita kayong kumanta na magkasama!”

Tumusok ako ng fishball at kinain. Then I grabbed my phone to see if Yusef responded. I just didn’t expect to see my father’s message.

Dad:

Where are you?

I quickly typed a reply.

Chantria:

I am with my new friends. Are you home? Can we talk?

While waiting for my dad’s reply, I continue to eat. Pero habang kumakain ako, naghaharutan sina Dalary kaya naman medyo nabangga ang lamesa at hindi sinasadya na tumaob ang kinakain ko.

I gasped when the sauce stained my top.

“Hala! Sorry, Chantria! Si Dalary kasi ang harot!” Glenda was worried.

Napangiwi ako dahil mula sa dibdib ko, kumalat hanggang sa tiyan ko ang brown sauce.

“What happened?” I heard Trevor’s voice.

I looked up to see him and he’s already nearing me.

“Natapunan ng sauce ang damit niya, Trevor.”

“I don’t have extra clothes with me.” I pursed my lips.

Nalalagkitan na rin ako dahil dumikit na sa tiyan ko ang sauce. I can also smell it.

“Come with me…” Trevor gestured me to follow him.

Tumayo ako at sumunod sa kanya pabalik sa loob ng bahay.

“Oh, ano ang nangyari?” Tita Safira asked.

“Natapunan po ako ng sauce, tita.”

“I have extra blouse for you.”

“Okay lang po, tita. Ako na ang bahala.” Trevor said.

Tumango nalang si tita Safira sa amin at pinanood kaming magpunta sa pangalawang palapag. Para akong hangin na nakasunod lang kung saan ako dadalhin ni Trevor. When he opened one of the doors, I stopped.

“Pasok ka…”

I shrugged my shoulders and came inside. Then realized that this is his room. It wasn’t big as mine and I understand it. It’s clean and smells good though. I sat at the only chair there in front of a laptop and some engineering books.

Trevor opened a cabinet and pulled out a familiar football jersey. He walked towards me and handed it to me.

My lips parted. Ipapahiram niya talaga ang jersey niya sa akin?

“You can change there…” he pointed another closed door. “I’m gonna wait here.”

Wala akong nagawa kundi magpunta ro’n at buksan ang pinto. Even his shower room is clean. Hindi malawak pero talagang malinis at mabango rin.

I removed my top. Dumikit na ang sauce sa balat ng aking tiyan. Luckily, it didn’t stain my bra.

“Trevor, I wanna take a quick half shower. I have sauce in my stomach.” I made sure he’d hear my voice.

“Go ahead. Take your time.” He yelled back for me to hear him.

“Are you going to wait for me?”

“Yeah. Don’t worry.”

“Okay!”

I started to wash my body especially the stomach part. I even use his shower gel to make sure that the stain and the smell will fade.

“Can I use your towel? Or do you have extra towel?” I yelled again.

“I have extra. Open the door and hide behind it.”

Tumilapon sa buong mukha ko ang init. I am very naked inside his shower room!

When he knocked, I carefully opened the door with enough space for him to give me a new towel. Nakita ko na hindi siya nakatingin sa pinto, para lang masigurado niya na hindi niya ako makikita.

Malalim akong humugot ng hangin sa aking dibdib nang makuha ko ang towel. I closed the door again and dry myself. Pagkatapos kong magbihis, tinignan ko aking sarili sa harap ng salamin.

Some of the strands of my hair were already falling on the sides of my face. I didn’t bother to fix them. My face is fine and it’s not oily. My lips are naturally pink. Napangiti ako nang makita ang jersey na suot ko. It’s too loose on me. The hem reached my upper thighs.

I twirled until I see the number and the last name at the back.

Monterell

17

Itinago ko ang ngiti sa aking labi nang buksan ko ang pinto. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako masaya na suot ko itong jersey ni Trevor. Maybe because I know this is part of him… this is special to him. And I am delighted because I get to experience wearing this.

I caught him reading his book. But when he heard the opening of the door, his attention drifted to me.

“Is this fine?” I asked.

“Yeah.”

“You’re very tall pala talaga. Look, the hem reached my thighs.” I cackled as I grip on the hem of the jersey.

Maluwag din sa akin. It’s just a sign that his body is wide enough to make me looked small.

“Can you tie?” I turned my back to him.

I heard him sigh but he obeyed me. He stands behind me and swear, I can feel my heart racing again. His breath was hitting my hair.

Hinapit niya ang jersey sa tamang higpit.

“How about this?” His voice was raspy.

“Yes. That would work.”

Habang maingat na itinatali niya ang tela, halos manginig naman ang mga tuhod ko sa tindi ng kalabog ng aking pisngi.

Daig ko pa ang nabunutan ng tinik sa lalamunan nang matapos siya. Lumabas kami agad sa silid niya at naabutan sila Glenda sa kusina. Napatingin sila sa amin.

“Hoy! Ano’ng ginawa niyo? Ang tagal niyo ha!” Tukso niya sa amin.

“Because I took a shower, Glenda.”

“Shower lang ba talaga?” Dalary said in a malicious way.

Wala sa sarili na hinawakan ko ang palapulsuhan ni Trevor. At kahit na napatingin siya sa akin, mas pinili kong ibigay ang mga mata ko sa dalawang kaibigan niya.

“Oo, shower lang.” I smiled in a naughty way.

Nagtilian ang dalawa na para bang iniisip nila na may iba pa kaming ginawa ni Trevor sa kwarto niya.

“Sabi ko na! Halata ang glow sa ’yo! Naligo ka pa talaga, huh!”

Tumawa ako. “Naligo nga lang ako. You girls are so malicious.”

“Siyempre naman! Alam namin na may karanasan na ’yan si Trevor sa mga babae—”

“Dalary, stop it.” Trevor cut her off.

“Bagay sa ’yo ang jersey ni Trevor, Chantria.” Glenda smiled at me.

“Kapag kay Chantria, ipinapahiram niya. Pero kapag sa mga kaibigan niya, hindi. Ang unfair!” Dalary ranted.

“Ang arte rin kasi niyan ni Trevor. Baka akala niya mabaho tayo!” Humalakhak si Glenda.

“Oo, arte nga. Si Chantria lang pinahiram niyan ng jersey. Kahit mga naging girlfriend niya, hindi nagtagumpay sa jersey ni Monterell.”

Trevor carefully dragged me out from the kitchen to dismissed his friends from teasing him.

The table is not messy anymore. There’s a new set of snacks and drinks as well. Naupo ulit ako sa dati kong pwesto at pinanood silang tumugtog.

“What took you so long to change your clothes?” Solaris asked innocently.

“I needed to take a half shower. The sauce dripped on my stomach and it was sticky.”

Tumango siya. “That jersey looked good on you, Chantria.”

“Thanks, Solaris.”

Trevor and Jolene were singing together and honestly, they sounded good. I don’t blame Dalary and Glenda when they cheer for them. I don’t feel any bitterness though. Because I know, Trevor doesn’t court Jolene. Ako ang nililigawan niya.

I checked my iPhone to see my father’s message if any.

Dad:

I am home. I will stay tonight.

Finally, he will stay with us. This is my chance to talk to him about mommy’s medications.

Chantria:

I’d like to go home soon. See you later, dad!

Pagkatapos nilang kumanta, nagpunta sila sa lamesa kung nasaan kami. Trevol pulled the chair beside me.

Sumusunod sa amin ang mga mata ng mga kasama namin. But they don’t really talk about us. May kanya-kanya silang usapan. Si Solaris naman ay nilapitan si Silvano na inaayos ang drums.

“Ang galing niyong dalawa. Maganda pakinggan…” I praised.

Trevor grabbed my gulaman juice and sipped on it.

Tumusok ako ng kikiam para sana sa akin pero bigla kong naisip na bigyan siya. Simula pagdating namin, hindi ko pa siya nakitang kumain. Ang bigat ng trabaho niya kanina sa azucarera, hindi ba siya nagugutom o napapagod man lang?

He opened his mouth to accept the kikiam.

“Ang tamis!” Parinig ni Glenda.

“Ang sarap talaga kapag my jowa eh! May kalambingan palagi!” Dalary giggled.

I ignore the teasing. I should get use to these girls. Ang hilig talaga nilang manukso.

“Aren’t you tired?” I asked softly.

“A bit.”

“Magpahinga ka na.”

“Mamaya na. Ihahatid pa kita.”

I think, it’s better if I eat dinner at home. I don’t want to bother Trevor that much. I know he’s tired and need to rest. May trabaho pa siya bukas.

“Uuwi na ako kung gano’n.”

Tumitig siya sa akin. “Don’t worry about me. Sanay akong mapagod.”

While staring back at him, I just noticed the dark circles under his eyes. Hindi ’yon halata sa unang tingin lang. But when you look closer and longer, you’d notice his tiredness.

Inilapag ko ang palad ko sa ibabaw ng isang hita niya. His gaze immediately went to where my palm is. Nakita ko ang paglunok niya.

“Okay lang na umuwi na ako dahil nando’n si daddy. Gusto ko rin siyang makausap para sa medication ni mommy.”

He nods his head.

“At kailangan mo na rin magpahinga, Trevor. I see tiredness in your eyes, oh…” I leaned my face closer to his to prove a point.

“Kung ako ’yan, hahalikan ko na ’yan!” Glenda shrieked.

I am not sure why an images of us kissing suddenly flashed my mind!

Sanay akong humalik. Pero kapag kay Trevor, hindi na ako sigurado kung marunong ba talaga ako o nagmamarunong lang.

Hinaplos ko ang hita niya. I saw how his jaw ticked when I did it.

“Sige na. Uuwi nalang ako. We can see each other tomorrow naman.”

He took a deep breath. “Okay. Ihahatid na kita.” His voice became husky.

“Kung uuwi na kayo, sabay-sabay na tayo.” Dalary butt in.

“Sasabay na rin ako sa inyo, Dalary, Glenda.” It was Jolene.

Naghahanda nang umalis ang mga kasama namin, pero kami ni Trevor ay nagtititigan pa.

Madilim na ang paligid. Ang tanging tanglaw nalang ay ang mga dilaw na ilaw na nakasabit sa mga puno. Naglalaro na rin sa aking pandinig ang mga huni ng ibon at tunog ng mga insektong gising sa dilim.

“Pupuntahan ulit kita sa azucarera.”

“Huwag na do’n. Let’s have dinner at Playa Azure.”

I had to bite my lips to stop my wide smile. Nakakainis! Bakit ba ang dali lang sa kanya na bigyan ako ng nakakanginig na saya?

“Are we going to have a dinner date?” My eyes twinkled.

“Yeah.”

“Okay. I’ll be there.”

“Susunduin kita sa inyo.”

“No need. I will meet you at Playa Azure. Okay?”

“Ayaw mong sunduin kita?”

“Gusto. Pero galing ka sa trabaho n’on. Alm kong pagod ka. Kaya mas mabuti na huwag mo na akong sunduin.”

“Ako nalang ang maghahatid sa ’yo.”

Tumango ako. “Sige.”

“Matagal pa kayo diyan? Una na kami!” Paalam ni Glenda sa amin.

I waved at them.

Trevor didn’t even look at his friends. Sa akin lang talaga ang buong atensyon niya.

Inirapan ko siya nang mapansin ang matagal niyang pagtitig sa akin. I am uneasy because my heart beat is really going insane. Kulang nalang ay marinig ang bawat tibok nito.

Nagpaalam kami kay tita Safira nang paalis na kami.

“Trevor, huwag masyadong mabilis ang takbo ng motorsiklo. Gabi na at madilim ang daan. Mag iingat kayong dalawa.”

“Opo, tita!”

Katulad nang nakagawian, niyakap ko si Trevor habang binabaybay namin ang daan papunta sa mansyon namin. Hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan kami ganito. Pero sana, tumagal. Dahil sa totoo lang, medyo nasasanay na ako sa ganitong sitwasyon namin.

Kahit na madilim ang daan, maalikabok at malubak minsan, wala akong reklamo. I feel safe and secure having him around my arms. Alam kong hindi niya ako hahayaan na masaktan o masugatan man lang.

The cold breeze in La Carlota during night time is oddly freezing. Ang hangin ay tila yakap ng dilim pagkatapos ng mahabang liwanag. Hindi ito nakakapanibago, ngunit nakakamanghang isipin na pati ang hangin—nagbibigay ng malalim na damdamin sa akin.

When we reached our big gate, I told him to stop. For some reason, I don’t want my father to see Trevor. Hindi maganda ang una nilang pagkikita. Pakiramdam ko, ayaw sa kanya ni daddy.

“Dito nalang ako, Trevor.”

“Are you sure?”

Unti-unting bumukas ang mataas na gate. Nakita ko ang bantay na nakatanaw sa amin, naghihintay na pumasok kami.

Bumaba ako sa motorsiklo. Trevor helped me removed the helmet. At katulad ng palagi niyang ginagawa, marahan na inayos niya ang aking buhok.

“Salamat sa paghatid.”

He removed his helmet for us to see each other clearly. Medyo nagulo ang buhok niya. He fixed it by just a one comb using his fingers.

“Pumasok ka na…” he gestured the opened gate.

I am hesitant to give him a good night kiss but I really wanna do it!

Nilakasan ko nalang ang loob ko. Humakbang ako palapit pa sa kanya. I leaned to kiss his cheek but I didn’t expect him to turned his head making our lips met.

Namilog ang mga mata ko nang maramdaman ko ang malambot na labi niya na lumapat sa akin. Hindi magkandamayaw ang mabilis na kalabog ng aking puso.

“Trevor!” I hissed, cheeks were heating up.

He chuckled.

Nahihiya na hinampas ko ang braso niya. Kinagat ko ang labi ko. Nabigla ako sa nangyari. Hindi ko akalain na haharap siya! Nahalikan ko tuloy siya!

“Ah, I liked that kiss.” He muttered playfully.

“Hmm!”

Marahan na hinapit niya ang bewang ko para mapalapit ulit ako sa kanya. I then felt him kissed the side of my head.

“That’s sweet though. You made my day.” He whispered tenderly.

9 ~ KISS

CHAPTER NINE

“I am convincing her to go to Manila. You can also help me doing that, anak. What have you been doing these days?”

Nandito kami ngayon sa library room ni daddy. No’ng dumating ako, naabutan ko siya sa silid nila. Tulog na rin si mommy. I have no idea yet if they talked or not. I will know.

“Sinabihan ko na rin po si mommy tungkol dito. She doesn’t want to leave here because of you.”

My father shifted on his seat. “What do you mean?”

Malalim akong humugot ng hangin sa aking dibdib. Magiging tapat ako kay daddy. Sana ay gano’n din siya sa akin. Sino lang ba ang tutulong para mabuo ulit ang pamilya namin? Kami lang din naman. I really hope for his cooperation.

“She doesn’t wanna leave you, dad.”

“Of course, I will be with her when we go to Manila. I cannot just leave your mom there.”

Masaya akong malaman na sasama naman pala siya pero may kung anong lungkot pa rin sa aking puso. Masyadong nang mabigat ang nangyayari sa relasyon ng magulang ko. Nakakatakot na ang lamat ay tuluyang mabasag.

“Did you tell her that?”

“She was sleepy when I got home. I will talk to her tomorrow.”

“Tell her that you will be with her in Manila. Papayag po siya kapag kasama ka niya.”

Tumango siya. While staring at my father, I have noticed the changes on his face. Gwapo pa rin naman siya pero halata na problemado siya. He didn’t even bother to shave his stubbles. Nangangalumata rin siya—isang senyales na maaaring palagi siyang kulang sa tulog.

Naaawa ako sa kanila ni mommy. Kung may paraan man para bumalik ang dating sigla ng relasyon nila, handa akong tumulong ma-i-ahon lang sila sa tila pagkakalubog sa malalim na tubig.

“If you need me, please let me know. I am very willing to help you dad. Kahit po sa opisina mo, kung may kaya akong gawin, handa po ako. I just want you and mom to be together again. Ang hirap po kasi… na… magkahiwalay kayo. Nahihirapan po ako…” my voice almost broke.

Kumurap ako upang pigilan ang pagbabanta ng aking mga luha. Ayoko sanang umiyak sa harap ng aking ama, pero gusto ko rin malaman niya ang kalagayan ko. Hindi lang sila ni mommy ang nahihirapan sa sitwasyon namin, ako rin. Ako ang sumasalo ng mga problema na dapat ay naaayos naman sana kung nag uusap lang sila.

“I’m sorry, anak. I am also trying to fix our relationship. But she’s too stubborn. Hindi ko kayang palagi kaming nauuwi sa pag aaway. I’d rather leave so she’d be at peace.”

“Pero daddy, hindi naman po siya nakakahanap ng kapayapaan kapag umaalis ka. Mas lalo lang siyang umiiyak.”

His eyes watered. “I think, Rafa doesn’t love me anymore.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. Alam kong mahal na mahal pa rin siya ni mommy. Bakit hindi sila magkaliwanagan?

“You’re wrong. Mommy loves you so much.”

“You think so?”

Mabilis akong tumango. “Yes. Palagi siyang galit sa ’yo pero mahal ka po niya, dad. I just don’t know why she’s angry though.”

“She’s just thinking that I am cheating on her.”

Ako naman ang napaayos sa pagkakaupo ko. I want the truth now. Even though he told me before that I shouldn’t worry with rumors about him, still, I want a proof that my father wasn’t a cheater. I believe in him. I trust him. I just want a guarantee that he doesn’t betray us.

“Dad, there are rumors that you have a secret affair. I am sure mommy heard that. Kaya po galit siya sa ’yo.”

He heaved a sigh. “Chantria, we already talked about this. Why would I have another woman? When all I want is your mother?”

“Wala po ba talagang ibang babae?”

“Wala.”

“Kung gano’n, bumalik ka na sa amin, dad. Namimiss na rin kita…” mabilis kong pinahid ang luha na bumagsak sa aking pisngi.

Naniniwala ako na wala siyang iba ngunit hindi ko pa rin mapigilan ang huwag masaktan sa rason na hindi ko mawari. I felt like something wasn’t right.

“Wala akong iba. Kung sino man ang nagpapakalat na may babae ako, nagkakamali sila.”

“Naniniwala po ako sa ’yo. I am hoping that our family will be whole again. I hope you and mommy will be together again.”

Lumapit siya sa akin para yakapin ako at halikan sa ibabaw ng ulo.

“I’m really sorry you have to go through all these, sweetheart.”

I feel lighter after I talked to my father. Umaasa ako na mananatili siya sa aming tahanan hanggat hindi namin nakukumbinsi si mommy na magpunta sa Maynila.

Kinabukasan, medyo tanghali na ako nagising.

I took a shower and wear a summer dress. I am going to have my late breakfast but noticed that my parents are not there. Nasanay ako na hindi sila nakikita tuwing umaga. Pero iba ngayon, dahil ang sabi ni daddy, dito lang siya sa amin buong maghapon ngayong araw.

“Where’s my mom and dad?” I asked Soledad.

“Nasa silid nila. Kanina pa ’yon doon. Sabay silang nag almusal. Napagod ang mommy mo kaya dinala sa kama para makapagpahinga.”

“How are they? Nag aaway po ba sila?”

“Hindi naman. Kaswal lang.”

I let out a breath. “Sana tuluy-tuloy na ang ganito. Nakakalungkot kasi na magkahiwalay sila.”

“Umaasa rin kami na magiging maayos ulit ang relasyon ni Ma’am Rafa at Sir Henrich.”

Pagkatapos kong kumain, umakyat ako sa kwarto ng magulang ko. Kumatok muna ako bago pumasok. Naabutan ko si daddy na pinapanood si mommy na natutulog.

“How is she?” I kissed dad’s cheek.

I went to my mother to kiss her forehead.

“She felt a little bit better this morning, she said. But it’s still worrisome. She’s so pale.”

“Did you tell her about going to Manila?”

“I did. Pumayag siya.”

Namilog ang mga mata ko. I even covered my mouth with my palms to suppress a happy scream.

My dad gave me a small smile.

“Kailan po? Gusto kong sumama!”

“As soon as possible. You can’t. Don’t skip school.”

“But I can visit during weekends, right?”

“Sure.”

Sa sobrang galak ko, niyakap ko si daddy. Tumawa siya ng bahagya at hinaplos ang likod ko.

“Paano po ang trabaho mo dito?”

“Don’t worry about it. I have it handled.”

“Dad, if you need something from me, my help or what, just let me know.”

“I will. For now, I want you to focus with your study, Chantria.”

“Makakapag focus na po ako ngayon dahil alam kong magiging maayos na ulit kayo ni mommy.”

Nakangiti ako buong araw. Tahimik kong pinagmamasdan ang magulang ko na nag uusap sa hardin. It’s already late in the afternoon and the sun is ready to set.

Paano ba ako magpapalaam sa kanila na kailangan kong magpunta sa Playa Azure?

Hindi ko nalang ipapaalam na si Trevor ang kikitain ko. I don’t know yet if my father would like it. I better be careful. Ayokong sirain ang araw namin. Dahan-dahan akong naglakad papunta sa kanila.

“Dad, mom, can I have your time?”

“Sure, anak. What is it? Oh, may lakad ka? Where are you going?” My mom noticed my outfit.

I am wearing a beige halter midi dress and paired it with flat sandals. I let my hair beautifully fall on my back. I also put a light make up and peach lipgloss.

“I am going to have dinner in Playa Azure with my friends. Uuwi rin po ako agad, mommy.”

“Wala ka bang boyfriend ngayon?”

“Wala po.”

“Ano’ng boyfriend?” My father’s forehead knotted.

Marahan na tumawa si mommy. Hindi siya gaano maputla ngayon. May ningning din sa mga mata niya. I can see that she’s inspired when daddy is here. I think, she can heal easily if she’s with the man that she loved.

“Wala na akong boyfriend. Nag break na po kami.”

“Chantria, you are just sixteen and you had boyfriend?” Hindi siya makapaniwala.

Ngumuso ako. “Daddy, ang daming nanliligaw sa ’kin. It’s not my fault.”

“Hayaan mo na ang anak mo, Henrich. Alam niya ang ginagawa niya.”

“You are not allowed to have a boyfriend, Chantria. Wait until you turned eighteen.” He strictly said.

Nagkibit ako ng balikat. “Aalis na po ako.”

Humalik ako sa aking magulang at iniwan na sila. Habang nasa daan ako papunta sa Playa Azure, I sent a message to Trevor to let him know that I am on my way. Mabilis lang ang naging biyahe. Delfino dropped me off in front of the lobby and left.

I thought Trevor was not here yet, but I saw him in one of the tables in the corner. He looked dashing with his white top and khaki pants. Kahit na hindi siya umaasa sa suporta galing sa magulang niya, at mabigat na pinagtatrabahuan ang pera niya, mahahalata pa rin sa kanya na hindi siya anak mahirap. I don’t know if it’s because of his aura or it’s the way he confidently carries himself.

Sinalubong niya ako sabay halik sa pisngi ko.

Sasabihin ko ba sa kanya na ang gwapo niya ngayon? Or I would keep it with me nalang?

Trevor pulled a chair for me which made me smile.

“That dress suit you…” he said.

“Thanks. You looked handsome.” I praised him.

Hindi ko napigilan na huwag itong sabihin. Kahit na alam kong magkakaro’n siya ng ideya na sa isang banda, nagagwapuhan nga talaga ako sa kanya. Sino ba kasi ang mag aakala na mauuwi kami sa ganito? Na bigla niya nalang akong liligawan? Kahit ako, hindi inisip na magkakaro’n kami ng koneksyon.

Magana kaming kumain ni Trevor. Napag usapan namin ang tungkol sa nangyayari sa magulang ko ngayon. Alam niya rin na masaya ako.

“I can visit them in Manila during weekends. Gusto ko rin kasing makasama silang dalawa.”

“That’s good. It’s really important to spend time with your parents.”

“Ikaw ba? Nagkikita pa ba kayo ng magulang mo?”

“I visit my mom sometimes.”

“You have a good relationship with your mom? How about your dad?”

“I only visit home for my mom. I don’t care about my father.”

Gusto ko pang malaman ang mga rason niya kung bakit ayaw niya sa tatay niya. Pero masyado pa sigurong maaga para sa bagay na ito. Besides, he seemed uncomfortable talking about his family. I need to be mindful. Hindi lahat ng tao ay handa na pag kwentuhan ang mga bagay na nangyayari sa buhay niya lalo na sa pamilya.

After we ate, we decided to walk by the shore. May mga tao na naglalakad-lakad din. Ang iba ay nakaupo sa sun lounger, nakatingin sa madilim na kawalan.

“Let’s sit here… ang sarap ng hangin…” aya ko sa kanya.

Naupo ako sa buhanginan. Hindi alintana kung madumihan man ang dress ko. I just want to relax, feel the breeze, and listen to the waves.

“What are your plans after you graduate?” I asked.

Trevor is sitting next to me. His knees are folded. Sa ibabaw ng tuhod niya ay ang mga braso niya. While I am hugging my knees with my arms.

“Find a decent job. I probably try my luck in Manila.”

Paano kung sa mga panahon na ’yon ay may relasyon na kami?

“What if we already have a relationship that time? Long distance tayo?”

I stayed looking at the deep blue ocean in front of us even though I felt like Trevor was staring at me.

“Can you do a long distance relationship?” His baritone was deep.

“I don’t know? I haven’t tried it yet.”

“Well, we need to talk about this, Chantria. Ayokong gumawa ng desisyon na makakasira sa atin.”

Bakit ko ba siya biglang tinanong ng gano’n? That was his decision before he met me. Hindi pwedeng baguhin niya iyon dahil lang nandito na ako sa buhay niya.

“Forget about it, Trevor. Naisip ko lang naman ito. It doesn’t mean you need to change your plans or decisions for your future.”

“You will be part of my plans and decisions. Of course, I wanna hear your opinion and thoughts.”

I chewed my lips. Hindi ko pa nga siya sinasagot, pero isasama niya na agad ako sa mga plano niya sa hinaharap. Nakakatuwa naman ito. Ganito ba talaga siya o sa akin lang siya ganito?

“Malayo pa naman. Marami pa tayong oras para pag usapan ang tungkol sa bagay na ’yan.”

Yes. It’s too early to talk about his plans. I just want to remind myself that I am not his girlfriend yet. Sa ngayon, wala dapat bigat ang opinyon ko sa mga plano niya. Kapag may relasyon na kami, doon ko palang malalaman talaga ang gusto ko para sa aming dalawa.

I closed my eyes and feel the breeze that caress my skin. Ang sarap sa pakiramdam tuwing naiisip ko na nagkakaayos na ang magulang ko. Wala akong ibang hiling kundi gumaling si mommy at maging buo ulit ang pamilya namin. Kapag nangyari ito, magiging tunay na akong masaya sa buhay ko.

I got interrupted by my thoughts when I felt Trevor holds my hand. I felt his warm callous palm against my soft hand. It fits perfectly with mine.

Pinagsiklop niya ang aming mga daliri at wala akong reklamo na nagpa agos lang sa gusto niyang mangyari. Kung kanina ay kalmado ang pintig ng aking puso, ngayon ay nag uumpisa na itong bumilis na animo hinahabol ng kung ano.

“Kaya mo bang maghintay?” Malamyos ang boses ko.

“Kaya.”

“Ang sabi ni daddy, bawal pa akong mag boyfriend. I need to wait until I turned eighteen.”

“That’s fine. You’ll turn seventeen soon. Then eighteen next year.”

“Maghihintay ka talaga?” Namamangha ako.

“Kung ikaw ang hihintayin ko. Bakit hindi?” He crouched his head on the side.

I can’t stop myself from biting my lips. Who would have thought that Trevor Monterell can wait? Hindi kaya siya maghahanap ng iba? ’Yong makukuha niya agad at hindi niya na kailangang maghintay pa?

“Maniniwala lang ako sa ’yo kapag hindi ka nanligaw sa iba habang naghihintay sa akin.”

“I am not in a hurry, Chantria. I just want you to know that I can wait for you.”

“Sana lang totoo ’yang sinasabi mo. Kung hindi, bahala ka. Wala ka ng chance na maging girlfriend ako.”

Marahan siyang tumawa. He then brought my hand on his lips to kiss.

Ang apoy sa aking pisngi ay hindi ko na napigilan pa. Bakit ba siya ganito? Hindi pa naman kami pero ang lambing niya na! Hindi ako magpapatalo!

Malambing kong inihilig ang chin ko sa balikat niya. Tapos ay malambing ko rin siyang tinignan, halos mapatingala para lang makita niya ang mukha ko.

He growled when he saw me doing pa-cute to him.

I smile inwardly. Akala niya siya lang ang may lakas ng loob na lambingin ako, ha! Ako rin! Kaya ko rin gawin ito sa kanya. Ang pinagkaiba lang, mas ramdam ko ang kilig ngayon. Kumpara no’ng ginawa ko ang ganitong klaseng galaw sa mga naging boyfriend ko. Ewan ko ba, parang bigla nalang ay ang sarap mag lambing kay Trevor.

“Namimiss ko na nga magka boyfriend. Ang tagal ko nang hindi nahalikan…” parinig ko sa kanya.

Tumawa siya ulit. Halata ang pagka aliw niya. His thumb was caressing mine.

I dramatically sighed. “Ibig sabihin, mahahalikan lang ako ulit kapag eighteen na ako? Ang tagal pa no’n, Trevor.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“Kaya mo? Na hindi tayo maghalikan?”

Tumingala siya at mariin na napapikit.

I can smell his scent from his neck because my lips are just near it. Probably, whenever I spoke, my breath was hitting his skin.

“Pwede bang maghalikan kahit wala tayong relasyon?” Maang na tanong ko.

“Pwede kung pareho nating gusto.”

“Gusto mo ba?” I smiled playfully.

Nagbaba siya ng tingin sa akin at nahuli niya akong nangingiti.

Using his free hand, he slightly pinch the tip of my nose.

“Don’t be too naughty on me. I might forget that you’re just sixteen.”

“Okay lang ’yan. No’ng fifteen nga ako nagkaro’n na rin ako ng boyfriend. Nahalikan na rin ako, Trevor. I know now how to kiss…”

“Really?” He taunted.

“Oo! You wanna try?” I gave him a playful gaze.

When he lifted my chin using his free hand, my heart immediately reacted by his touch. Ramdam ko na hahalikan niya ako kaya hindi ako magkandaugaga. I swallowed hard. I felt like I might get disappointed if I was wrong… if he won’t kiss me.

“Let me taste your lips…” he whispered huskily before he leaned closer to me.

My eyes shut closed as I waited for our lips to meet. Nang magtagpo ang mga labi namin, daig ko pa ang nahulog sa kawalan. His lips were so soft… so delectable… it’s intoxicating.

Trevor angled his head for a better access to my lips. Mabagal na gumalaw ang labi niya. Hindi ko napigilan at sumabay sa kanya. While we were kissing passionately, our fingers were intertwined.

Totoo nga ang sabi nila. Magaling nga siyang humalik. Masarap. Nakakapanghina. Nakakahibang. Tila dinadala niya ako sa mga ulap—ang gaan sa pakiramdam. Wala siyang pagmamadali. Wala rin pag aalinlangan.

“Hmmm…” I whimpered in between our gentle kissing.

Trevor paused as if he got distracted by the way I made a soft sound. He then suckled my bottom lip to end it, which made me moan.

Using my free hand, I gripped on his arm. Ang lakas ng kalabog ng dibdib ko, nakakapanibago. Gusto ko pang ipagpatuloy ang halikan namin, pero inihinto niya na. Namumungay ang mga mata ko nang tignan siya.

“Why did you stop?”

His eyes dilated with desire he was trying to hide from me.

“That’s enough for now.”

“Gusto ko pa…” pilit ko sa kanya habang nakakapit sa matigas na braso niya.

“Ayokong masanay ka agad sa mga halik ko at hanap hanapin mo.” He teased me.

My face heated with the fact that I was really the one who urged him to kiss me. Ako pa talaga itong mas sabik sa aming dalawa? Am I that aggressive?

10 ~ MASSAGE

CHAPTER TEN

“Hindi ka mukhang sixteen. Ang tangkad mo kasi at may hubog na ang katawan mo. Kung hindi ko alam ang edad mo, iisipin ko na nasa eighteen or nineteen ka na.” Glenda told me.

Nandito ulit kami sa bahay nila Silvano. It’s Saturday that’s why everyone is here. Ang iba ay kanina pang tanghali nandito. Kami naman nila Trevor at Grego ay hapon na nakarating. Dahil kailangan pa nilang mag trabaho sa azucarera.

My parents are in Manila right now. Kahit wala sila ngayon sa tabi ko, panatag pa rin ako dahil alam kong magkasama sila at sabay na nilalabanan ang pagsubok na hinaharap ni mommy. I am really grateful that my mother finally decided to have her checked in a better hospitals with specialists. I am just really hoping now that everything went well for her.

Dalary’s eyes traveled to my legs.

“Ang ganda pa ng legs mo. Makinis at maputi. Halatang alaga simula bata palang.”

I am wearing a pair of cream high-waisted shorts and sleeveless collar shirt. My hair is in messy bun. There are some strands that fall on the sides of my face.

“Kaya pala palagi kayong magkasama ni Trevor, huh. Ikaw pala ang nililigawan niya.”

Sekreto lang sana ang tungkol sa panliligaw niya sa akin. Pero hindi naman manhid ang mga madalas na makasama namin. Mabilis nilang natunugan na may kakaiba nga sa amin ni Trevor. Lalo pa at sa tuwing nandito kami kila Silvano, palagi niya talaga akong hinahatid sa amin.

“Hindi ka na niyan pakakawalan. Ang ganda ganda mo eh. Para kang umiilaw palagi kapag nakikita kita.”

“Ang shiny pa ng buhok mo. Palagi ka bang nagpupunta sa salon?”

“Hindi naman. Minsan lang.” Sagot ko.

Kanina pa nasa akin ang atensyon ng dalawang babae. Pinag aaralan nila ang itsura ko na akala mo naman ay hindi nila ako madalas makita.

“Wala ka man lang scars or kagat ng lamok.”

“Walang lamok sa amin. Kung mayro’n man, may lotion naman ako para hindi ako kagatin.”

Dalary slightly pinch my forearm that made me flinched a bit.

“Oh, namumula agad ang balat mo. Baka isang sipsip lang ni Trevor diyan, magkakaro’n ka agad ng kiss mark.” Humalakhak siya.

“Hoy, Dalary! Anong sipsip ka diyan! Baka hindi pa ’yan alam ni Chantria. Ikaw talaga!”

“Alam ko ang kiss mark…” I said with a small smile.

“Nagkaro’n ka na ng kiss mark dati?”

“Hindi pa.”

“Naku! Lumayo-layo ka diyan kay Trevor. Batikan ’yan sa mga ganyan.”

I pursed my lips and looked at where Trevor is. Nag aayos sila ng musical instruments. He looked fresh because he just took a shower. This time, he’s sporting a black shorts and while sleeveless tank top. Kaya nakikita ang mga braso niya at gilid ng tiyan.

Bumalik ulit tuloy sa isip ko ang halikan namin no’ng nasa dalampasigan kami ng Playa Azure. Palagi kong inaalala ’yon bago ako matulog. May karanasan na ako sa pakikipaghalikan, pero sa halik niya lang ako nagkaganito.

“Ang ganda mo pa naman. Baka hindi ’yan sa ’yo makapagpigil, Chantria. Mukha pa namang pilya ka rin.”

I blushed. Do I really look like I am a naughty girl?

“Magaling naman siyang mag kontrol…”

Lalo silang naging interesado. “Paano mo nasabi? Naghalikan na ba kayo?”

I leered at them. I won’t admit that we already kissed. It’s our lil secret.

“Naghalikan na kayo ’no? Namumula ka eh?”

Humalukipkip ako.

“Magaling humalik? Sabi ng mga ex-girlfriend niya, masarap ’yan humalik. Idol ko ’yan si Monterell.” Dalary laughed like a witch.

Sa dami na nang nahalikan niya, kaya rin siguro sanay na sanay siya. At totoong, masarap nga siyang humalik. I can’t believe I am praising the way Trevor’s kiss. Dapat gumaling din ako para palagi niya rin isipin ang mga halik ko.

Lumapit sa akin si Trevor ilan pang sandali. He’s standing in front of me, towering me with his height. I can smell his fragrance and I’m liking it.

“Okay ka lang? Ginugulo ka ba ng dalawang ’to?” Tukoy niya sa mga kaibigan niya.

“Okay lang. Hindi sila nanggugulo.”

“Tinatanong lang namin si Chantria ng mga bagay bagay. At ang ganda niya kasi. Nakakagigil. Ang kinis din ng legs niya. Gusto mo sa babae mga ganyan ang legs, di ba?” Glenda grinned.

Trevor’s eyes drifted to my exposed legs.

Napalunok ako. Sanay naman ako na magsuot ng mga shorts. Pero kapag ganitong intentional ang paraan nang pagsulyap niya, daig ko pa ang pinagpapawisan.

“Aaminin ko na. Bagay kayong dalawa. Gwapo at maganda. Ano’ng height mo, Chantria?”

“5’6…”

“Oh! Tapos sixteen ka palang? Tatangkad ka pa! Pwede kang sumali sa Miss Intrams next year.”

“Hindi ako mahilig sa mga ganyan, Dalary. I will support the candidates nalang.”

“Sayang! I can imagine you wearing swim suit! Ipagdadasal ko talaga si Trevor pag nagkataon!”

Nagtawanan silang magkaibigan kaya nahawa na rin ako. I was laughing with them without realizing that Trevor was staring at me.

“Magpupunta kami sa Playa Azure bukas. Sasama ba kayo?” Glenda beamed.

Nag angat ako ng tingin kay Trevor. Sasama ba kami? Pwede naman ako. Pwede ba siya?

“Gusto mo bang sumama tayo?” Marahan ang boses niya.

Mabilis akong tumango habang nakangiti. “Oo. Gusto kong maligo sa dagat. Pwede ko bang ayain si Yusef?”

“Oo, isama mo si Yusef. Para mas masaya tayo. Bukas, huh? Hintayin namin kayo.” Excited na sambit ni Dalary.

When they started playing their set, I am watching and at the same time, chatting with Yusef.

Chantria:

Let’s go to Playa Azure tomorrow. Are you free?

Yusef:

Sure. What time?“

Chantria:

I think morning is good.

Yusef:

I’ll be there. Sino ang mga kasama natin?

Chantria:

Sila Trevor at mga kaibigan ni

la.

Yusef:

Wala bang bago? Hahaha.

Chantria:

Wala yata? I will know later. Ano ba ang hanap mo? Cute?

Yusef:

Gusto ko ng cute para naman may inspiration ako. Ikaw lang ’tong inspired eh.

Chantria:

Bakit kasi ayaw mong magpunta dito sa bahay nila Silvano? We can listen to the live music. Masarap pa magluto si tita Safira. Nandito rin palagi si Solaris.

Yusef:

Sasama ako sa ’yo minsan diyan para naman maka relate ako kapag nagkukwento ka.

After their first set, they took a break. Bumalik sa akin si Trevor. He pulled the chair near me and sat on it. His body is facing me. He intentionally wide his legs to jail my knees.

I handed him my bottled water. Kinuha niya at uminom. Hindi ko na pinansin pa ang indirect kiss namin. Naghalikan na naman kami kaya hindi na dapat ito bago sa akin.

“Sasama si Yusef bukas. Anong oras tayo pupunta sa Playa Azure?”

“Umaga?”

“Wala kang trabaho bukas?”

“Hindi muna ako papasok. Ang sakit ng balikat ko…” he chuckled.

Bigla akong nahabag para sa kanya. Ang bibigat ng mga binubuhat niya. Kaya paanong hindi sasakit ang balikat niya?

I lifted my arm to caress his shoulder. He flinched a bit and that’s when I realized that he’s in pain.

“Don’t you have pain reliever?” I shot my eyebrow.

“I don’t have any.”

“We should buy one for your shoulders.”

“Mawawala rin ’to…”

“Trevor, huwag mong tiisin ang sakit.”

“Can you do a massage?”

Hindi ako marunong! But, fine, I will try to do it. He might feel better.

“I don’t know how to do a massage. But I can try. Turn around…”

Tumitig pa siya sa akin bago niya ako sinunod. He position his body where I am facing his back. Nakaharap na siya ngayon sa munting stage nila, habang nakahilig sa sandalang ng inuupuan niya ang kanyang mga braso at mukha.

Inilapag ko ang dalawang palad ko sa magkabilang balikat niya. Marahan kong hinagod siya sa parteng ito sa pag aalala na baka masaktan ko siya. I remembered how my mother massaged my back before. It was gentle and soothing. I mimicked the way my mom’s palm moved before.

“Ang sweet niyo naman.” Glenda gave me a warm smile.

“Masakit kasi ang balikat niya…” sabi ko.

“Parang mag asawa lang ah?” Dalary giggled.

Uminit ang pisngi ko.

“Tama ba ang ginagawa ko?” Marahan na tanong ko kay Trevor.

“Yeah…” his low voice was rough.

I continued to massage his shoulders lightly and gently. I want him to feel better because I witnessed his handworks in azucarera. I discovered that he’s doing that heavy labour to support himself financially. Hindi siya umaasa sa magulang niya.

Hindi na umiimik si Trevor at mukhang nagigingawaan na rin siya sa pagmamasahe ko sa kanya.

“Ang sarap magkaro’n ng girlfriend kapag maalaga…” Omar whistled.

“Eto Omar, oh, si Glenda, maalaga…” Dalary pointed her friend.

“Gaga ka. Hindi kami talo niyan. Tropa ’yan.” Glenda hissed.

“Tropa lang talaga? Ang sakit naman niyan.” Omar even dramatically gripped his chest.

“Walang tropa tropa kapag bet. Ligawan mo na ’tong kaibigan ko bago pa maligawan ng iba.”

Nagtuksuhan na sila. Nangingiti ako habang abala ang aking mga palad sa balikat ni Trevor.

“Okay na ba? Gusto mong magpahinga?” My voice was soft.

I heard him took a deep breath. Animo lalo siyang naghina dahil sa pagmamasahe ko. Wala sa sarili na hinagod ko ang batok niya, dahilan kung bakit siya napadaing.

“Sorry…”

Tumawa siya ng bahagya. “Nah. It’s fine. Your hands are too soft and warm.”

Pagkatapos ng ilang sandali, huminto na ako. Trevor faced me again. Namumungay ang mga mata niya.

“Thank you.” He sincerely muttered.

“You’re welcome.”

“Chantria, hindi ka pa uuwi? Uuwi na kami. Maaga pa tayo bukas.” Aya ni Dalary.

“Uuwi na rin ako. Pwede na kayong mauna.”

“Ihahatid ka ng asawa mo?”

I blushed. “Not my asawa!”

Nagtawanan sila. “Joke lang. Ito naman hindi mabiro.”

I leered at them.

Nang ibalik ko ang atensyon ko kay Trevor, naabutan ko siyang pinagmamasdan ako ng may giliw sa kanyang mga mata. May munting ngisi rin sa labi niya.

“Ang lakas nila mang asar!” Sumbong ko sa kanya.

Umangat ang isang kamay niya para lang ayusin ang mga takas na buhok sa aking pisngi.

“Hayaan mo bukas, lalayo tayo sa kanila…” natatawang sambit niya.

Sumimangot ako. “They will tease us more. Sasabihin nila lumalayo tayo para sa privacy at hindi para umiwas sa mga tukso.”

“Pasensya na. Pagsasabihan ko sila.”

Tumango ako. “Okay na ba ang balikat mo?”

“Medyo…”

“Dadalhan kita ng pain reliever bukas.”

“Salamat. You can also just massage my shoulders.” He gave me a playful smirk.

“Huh! Baka masanay ka sa mga massage ko at hanap hanapin mo.” I said, as remembered him saying the same thing to me but in different reason.

“Okay lang na masanay ako at hanap hanapin ko.”

“So, pwede rin akong masanay sa mga halik mo at hanap hanapin ko?” I raised my eyebrow at him.

He growled painfully.

“Dapat kapag minasahe kita, may bayad na halik galing sa ’yo.” I naughtily grinned.

Namungay ng husto ang mga mata niya. Para siyang nawawalan ng lakas.

“Did you like my kisses?” His tone was raspy.

Hindi ko na ito itatanggi pa. Nasasabik akong mahalikan ulit niya.

“I did…”

“Is it fine to kiss even if I am not yet your boyfriend?”

“I don’t mind. I like kissing, Trevor.”

Animo nakahinga siya ng maluwag. Tahimik siyang tumango-tango. I think, he likes kissing me too. He’s just controlling himself because we are not yet in a relationship. Kung sagutin ko na kaya siya? Para hindi niya na isipin na bawal akong halikan.

But what about my father? Hindi ko ba susundin ang sinabi sa akin ng aking ama? Na bawal akong mag boyfriend. Kailangan ko pang maghintay hanggang sa mag eighteen ako. Ang tagal. Hindi ako sanay na naghihintay ng isang bagay kung pwede ko naman makuha ngayon din.

I can have a secret relationship with Trevor. I hope he wouldn’t mind. We cannot be out in public and announce what’s going on with us. I wanted us to be a secret, intimate, and private. This way, my father wouldn’t know.

Bakit ba kasi ako nagmamadali? Sinabi niya naman sa akin na handa siyang maghintay. Bakit hindi ako mapakali? Ganito ba ako kasabik na magkaro’n ulit ng boyfriend? Do I really like him this much?

“You’re giving me a hard time. We can make things slow, Chantria…”

I drastically placed my palm above his thigh. Napatingin siya sa palad ko at napalunok.

“Bakit? You don’t like kissing me?” I pouted.

“I do like kissing you…” his eyes moved to my lips.

“Gano’n naman pala. Then, let’s just kiss. Kiss lang naman. Wala naman tayong ibang gagawin.”

“Wala talaga tayong ibang gagawin bukod sa halikan.” Mariin niyang sabi.

“Can’t I caress you while we are kissing?” I gave him an innocent gaze.

Ayoko nang halikan lang. Boring! Kapag nakikipag halikan ako noon sa mga naging boyfriend ko, gusto ko hinahaplos nila kahit ang braso ko man lang. If they didn’t do it or if they didn’t know how to do it, I got turned off. That’s the reason why I broke up with them. I don’t want to stay in a boring relationship with inexperienced boyfriend.

For Trevor, I know he’s expert about this kind of intimacy. Siguradong hindi lang halik ang nagawa niya sa mga naging girlfriend niya. I am thrilled to experience what he could do to make me feel satisfied and happy.

“Trevor, I like kissing and caressing…” I whispered as I stroked his thigh.

Marahas ang paraan nang paghugot niya ng hangin sa kanyang dibdib.

“Kapag hindi marunong humaplos at humalik, mabilis akong magsawa. I don’t want a boring boyfriend. I always end up leaving him.”

Tumingala siya at mariin na pumikit. He looked stressed out and at the same time in a heavy controlled of his emotions. The veins on his neck corded and his Adam’s apple is very manly. Bumaba ang mga mata ko sa kanyang mga braso. I can see muscles and protruding veins. Even the back of his hands have veins too.

Napalunok ako. Realizing how mature, manful, and daring Trevor Monterell was, made me excited and overwhelmed.

“Chantria, I am not yet your boyfriend…” nahihirapan niyang sambit.

“That’s fine. It doesn’t matter. I just want your kisses and caresses.”

“This is not a game that I wanna play with.” Namumungay ang mga mata niya.

“This is not a game for me. Gusto ko lang naman na mahalikan…” napanguso ako.

Hinila niya ang inupuan ko papunta sa kanya dahilan kung bakit ako bahagyang napasinghap. Kumalabog ng husto ang aking dibdib nang malaman kung gaano kami kalapit sa isa’t isa. I can almost feel his minty breath hitting my face.

“Pinaglalaruan mo ba ako?” Malambing ang boses niya, para akong natutunaw.

I shook my head slightly. Gusto kong mapapikit at maghintay ng kahit isang halik niya lang sa akin.

“Kapag nasanay ako na halikan ka, hindi na kita pakakawalan.” Napapaos niyang bulong.

“Gusto kong masanay ka.” I whispered back under my breath.

“Tang ina…” he growled.

I chewed my lips. I looked at him behind my thick eyelashes. Ang mariin na titig niya sa akin ay nahahalinhinan ng munting pagkabigo at pagka aliw din.

“Pahalik…” he mumbled and angled his head.

I closed my eyes as I felt his delectable lips claiming mine.

11 ~ PRINCIPLE

CHAPTER ELEVEN

I am wearing a yellow two piece while my hair is in high messy bun. I have my sunglasses on to protect my eyes from the bright sunlight. I can feel the glances from the people we are with right now. But what thrilled me was Trevor’s gaze on me.

“Kay Trevor lahat ’yan?” Dalary pointed at me with amazement.

“Ang sexy! Nasisilaw ako!” Glenda yelled.

I am used wearing a bikini especially when we go to beach or swimming pool resort. This is not new to me. But some people here in La Carlota weren’t use to this kind of swimwear. Kaya malaking bagay pa rin sa kanila kapag nakakita ng mga babaeng naka bikini.

I looked at Trevor. Naglalakad na kami papunta sa dagat pero nakaupo pa rin siya sa sun lounger. Mariin ang titig niya sa akin. Alam ko na kung bakit. Dahil kanina no’ng sinamahan niya akong magpalit ng swimsuit, siya ang unang nakakita ng suot ko.

He was stressed out because the cut of my bikini top showed my cleavage. Anong magagawa ko? It’s not my fault that I am gifted with perky boobs. Besides, it’s fine. He’s just being conservative.

Hinila ako ni Yusef kaya wala na akong nagawa. Ang malamig na tubig ay agad na yumakap sa aking katawan. We stopped when the saltwater reached our waist.

“Kailan mo sasagutin ang pinsan ko?” Yusef asked curiously.

“I don’t know?”

“Baka pinapaasa mo lang siya, huh?”

“Hindi naman. I just don’t know when to say yes to him.”

“Kapag naging girlfriend ka niyan ni Trevor, mag ingat ka, huh? Matinik ’yan sa mga babae. Baka magulat nalang ako isang araw, buntis ka na!”

“Yusef!” I grimaced. “Grabe ka naman sa buntis!”

“Chantria, gusto ko lang ipaalala sa ’yo na hindi si Trevor katulad ng mga naging boyfriend mo. Mas matanda ’yan sa atin. Siguradong may karanasan na rin. Kaya, dapat marunong kang mag kontrol ng damdamin mo. Kapag halik, halik lang. ’Wag nang aabot pa sa higit pa ro’n.”

I understand my best friend. He’s just trying to protect me from possibilities that Trevor and I might end up doing more than a kiss. Pero hindi ko naman iniisip ang bagay na ito. Kung hindi binanggit ng kaibigan ko, wala akong ideya talaga.

I just want kisses and caresses. I’d be contented with that. I am sure Trevor won’t ask me for a sex too. Alam niyang hindi pa ako pwede sa ganyan. I know he respects me and he won’t do things that might give us trouble eventually.

“Thank you, Yusef, for your concern. I will keep this in mind. Huwag kang mag alala. Hindi ko naman iniisip na may mangyayari sa amin kapag boyfriend ko na siya.”

“Are you sure? You’re naughty pa naman. Baka ikaw pa ’tong maunang mang akit sa kanya.”

“I may be naughty and playful, but I won’t seduce Trevor.”

“That’s good to know. Sana seryoso rin siya sa ’yo. I don’t want you to get hurt. Magagalit talaga ako sa kanya!”

“Mukha naman siyang seryoso…”

I don’t see any red flags so far. May respeto siya sa akin at palagi niyang sinusunod ang gusto ko. Ako pa nga itong red flag sa aming dalawa dahil pinipilit ko siyang maghalikan kami.

“Dito yata pupunta…” Yusef murmured.

Nang tignan ko kung nasaan si Trevor, nakita ko na naglalakad na siya papunta sa gawi namin.

“Do’n muna ako kila Glenda.” Paalam sa akin ng kaibigan ko.

Dapat ay masanay na ako sa mga titig sa akin ni Trevor. Siguro magiging ganito siya sa akin kapag tumagal pa kami. Sasanayin ko na ang puso ko na huwag tumibok ng husto.

“Hi!” I waved at him.

He’s topless and only wearing a black swim shorts. I can see the muscles on his flat stomach. They are not that very defined but it was revealed that he is slightly ripped.

“Galit ka pa rin?”

Magkasalubong ang makakapal na kilay niya.

“Hindi ako galit.”

Umirap ako nang tuluyan na siyang makalapit sa akin. Nararamdaman ko na naman ang pagbabago ng pintig ng puso ko.

“Ganito talaga ’to. Tignan mo…” I used my two hands to keep the fabric on my chest together, but it wasn’t enough to cover my cleavage. “Ayaw pa rin.”

Madilim ang mga mata niya nang sumulyap siya sa dibdib ko. Mabilis niya lang din iniwas ang tingin niya. Hindi nagbabago ang kanyang ekspresyon.

“Or maybe I need to tighten the strings. Can you do it for me?”

“What?” He was puzzled.

“Itali mo ng mahigpit sa likod ko…”

He heaved a sigh. “Don’t bother.”

“Galit ka yata eh?”

“Hindi ako galit. Hindi lang sanay na makita kang ganyan.”

“Masanay ka na. I always wear bikini kapag nasa beach or swimming pool.”

Tumango siya na para bang napipilitan nalang siyang intindihin ako.

“Hanggang tingin lang naman sila sa akin. Sa ’yo lang ako…” pabirong sambit ko.

Kung kanina ay madilim ang itsura niya. Ngayon naman ay nangingiti na siya, hindi lang niya itinutuloy. Instead, he squinted his eyes at me.

“Sa akin ka lang…” marahan niya akong hinapit sa bewang at inilapit sa kanya.

Kinagat ko ang loob ng aking pisngi upang huwag impit na mapatili. I placed my palms on his chest.

“Ang tagal kong mag eighteen. Gusto na kitang maging boyfriend.” I mumbled.

The side of his lips curved up.

Trevor is really tall. Medyo nakatingala pa ako sa kanya para lang maayos siyang makita. Mapula ang labi niya, matangos ang ilong, at malalim ang mga mata.

I can’t help but to stare on his lips. I always imagined us kissing. Pinamumulahan ako ng pisngi sa tuwing naiisip ang halikan namin. Kagabi, bago niya ako ihatid, naghalikan pa kami. When he dropped me in front of our gate, we also kissed before he left.

“We need to be patient.” He muttered.

“I don’t think I have a long patience. Paano kung iba na ang gusto mo sa mga susunod na araw?”

“Hindi mangyayari ’yan.”

“Paano ka nakakasigurado?”

“Because I know myself. I know who I want, Chantria.”

Sumugat ang ngiti sa aking labi. So, he wants me?

Gumapang ang mga palad ko paakyat sa balikat niya. Wala akong intensyon na akitin siya o ano, magtatanong lang ako kung wala na bang masakit sa kanya. But when his eyes dilated with desire, I suddenly realized that my touch affected him.

“Hindi na ba masakit?” Marahan kong tanong sabay hagod sa balikat niya.

I bite my lips when he strokes my waist with his palm. Hindi ko mawari kung bakit may kung anong kuryenteng dumadaloy sa aking mga ugat sa paraan kung paano niya haplusin ang bewang ko. I am trembling quietly with his touch and it’s fascinating.

“Do you want me to massage you again?”

“Sure…” paos ang boses niya. “You can do it later…” he kept on gently stroking my waist.

Hindi ko napigilan ang mahinang daing dahil talagang nakakaliyo ang ginagawa niyang haplos.

“Uhh…”

Hindi dapat ako magpatalo sa kanya! Dapat ay galingan ko rin ang pag haplos sa balikat niya para mabaliw siya sa akin!

I carefully caress his shoulders, I made sure he will feel it… he will realize that I am liking the way my palms grazed against his skin.

I smirked inwardly when I saw his jaw clenched.

Hindi ko na yata kaya itong panunukso namin sa isa’t isa. Nag iinit ang balat ko hindi lang dahil sa sikat ng araw, kundi na rin dahil sa haplos niya. I tiptoed to kiss his lips.

He let out a low growl the moment our lips met.

Ipinikit ko ang aking mga mata at nagpakalunod sa mabagal na halikan naming dalawa. Hindi ko na alintana ang mabilis na tibok ng aking puso. I am drowned with our passionate kiss, I had to wrap my thin arms around his nape and pulled him closer to me.

“Dito pa talaga sila naglalaplapan eh?” I heard Dalary’s voice.

“Naku! Nagsama pa talaga silang dalawa! Laplapan malala!”

“Oh my! My eyes!” Yusef scowled scandalously.

Trevor slightly pushed my waist away from him. Then he was the one who ended our heated kiss.

I was panting when I let go. Tinignan ko siya. At katulad ko, namumungay din ang mga mata niya.

He sensually licked his lower lips. Animo nabitin siya sa halikan namin ngunit wala siyang magawa kundi ihinto dahil may nakakakita sa amin.

He didn’t remove his hand on my waist. I stayed my arms around his nape as well. Ayoko siyang pakawalan. Pakiramdam ko, nagugustuhan ko na talaga siya!

“Gusto ko pa…” malambing na sabi ko sa kanya.

A faint smile formed his lips. “Mamaya…”

“Pag uwi natin?” It made me excited.

“Mamaya kapag wala nang nakakakita.”

“Saan naman? Maghapon pa tayo dito. We are surrounded by people.”

“You need to wait then.”

I stomped my foot. “Doon nalang mamaya sa kwarto mo…”

He scoffed. “No. That’s not a good idea.”

“Para may privacy tayo, Trevor. Tayo lang dalawa.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Hindi puwede.”

“Bakit nga?” Naiinis na ako dahil ang hirap niyang pilitin!

“Basta.”

Sumimangot ako at inalis ang mga braso ko sa kanya. I crossed my arms above my chest, making his eyes dropped to my breasts. I know I am kinda naughty, I suddenly want to use this naughtiness to punish him.

Inayos ko ang pagkakahalukipkip ko para lang mas mabigyan siya ng magandang view ng dibdib ko. At kahit pa nasa mukha ko na ang mga mata niya, alam kong babalik ang tingin niya dahil sa ginawa ko.

“Ayaw mo bang mapag isa tayo?”

“Gusto.”

“Do’n nalang tayo sa kwarto mo mamaya. I’m not gonna be naughty. We will just kiss and do some caresses…”

“Chantria, this is not a good idea.”

“Hindi naman tayo gagawa ng higit pa sa halikan. If that’s what worries you, Trevor. I know how to control myself. I just want us to kiss.”

His chest moved to take a deep breath. Pakiramdam ko tuloy ay binibigyan ko siya ng sakit ng ulo.

“Saan tayo maghahalikan kung gano’n?” Pati ito, pinoproblema ko.

“Let’s go. Naiinitan ka na…” kinuha niya ang kamay ko na nakahalukipkip at hindi sinasadya na tumama ang mga daliri niya sa aking dibdib.

I blushed when I felt something electrifying in between my thighs.

“I’m sorry,” he said when he felt it too… the softness of my breasts.

I grabbed his hand and intertwined our fingers.

“Mamaya ha? Sa kwarto mo tayo.” I said with a cute beam.

Natawa siya at napailing. “Ang kulit mo pala…”

“Trevor, sige na…” I shook his hand. “Isang matagal na halikan lang. Please?”

“Kulit…” he carefully pulled me so we can go back to our cottage.

Nakanguso ako nang pinaupo niya ako sa dulo, kung saan hindi kami madadaanan.

“Wear this,” he handed me his white cotton t-shirt.

Kinuha ko ’yon sa kanya at isinuot.

“Do you want something to eat?”

“I want lumpiang shanghai and spaghetti.”

“Okay. Wait here.”

I watched him get the foods for me. Nagpaluto ako ng spaghetti and carbonara kay Tonya para dalhin dito. Ang ibang pagkain naman ay galing sa mga kasama namin. Yusef ordered our drinks from the restaurant.

“Alagang alaga ang baby niya. Nakakainggit!” Glenda screamed dreamily.

“Shut up.” Trevor hissed but there’s a smile on his lips.

“Ang ganda ba naman ni Chantria. Aalagaan talaga ’yan ni Monterell.”

“Iiyak talaga ako kapag nag break kayo.”

Break agad? Hindi ko pa nga siya sinasagot.

Bumalik sa akin si Trevor na dala na ang isang plato ng pagkain. He sat beside me.

“Feed me…” lambing ko sa kanya.

He chuckled. “I’m afraid this will work on me.”

Sinupil ko ang ngiti na sumusugat sa aking labi.

“Dali na. Feed me…” I opened my mouth.

He picked up the fork, get an enough amount of pasta, and put it in my mouth.

“Tang inang buhay ’to! Pagkatapos maglaplapan kanina, nagsusubuan naman ngayon! Grabeng parusa naman ’to sa mga single na kagaya ko!” Dalary dramatically hissed.

Nagtawanan kami. Minsan nakakatuwa siya, minsan naman nakakainis din. But right now, I am liking the way they tease us.

Trevor keeps on feeding me. I am hugging myself because I am cold. Hindi nakatulong ang malamig na simoy ng hangin.

“Come closer…” I whispered softly.

Tinignan niya ako. “Are you cold?”

“A bit.”

“Why don’t you dry yourself and change?”

“Just come closer.”

Bumuntonghininga siya ngunit wala talaga siyang nagawa. Umusog pa siya sa akin. I rested my body on his side. I just wanna feel his skin to mine. I’d feel warm.

“Namumula ka na…” he noticed my cheeks.

I yawned. I woke up too early because I am excited to be here. Now, I am feeling sleepy.

“Reva Chantria, it’s too early to get tired. Come, let’s get some sun.” Aya sa akin ni Yusef.

I drink my water. I think, I’m full. But I have no energy now to go back to the ocean. I just wanna take a rest for a while with Trevor beside me.

“Susunod nalang ako sa inyo, Yusef.”

“Hmp! Siguraduhin mo lang, huh?”

“Oo. I promise!” I smiled at him.

Kami nalang ni Trevor ang naiwan sa cottage. There’s only one bed lounger there that I can use to lay.

“I am sleepy…” I told him.

“What time did you go to sleep last night?”

“Around midnight. And I woke at six in the morning.”

“Doon tayo…” I pointed the lounger just in front of our cottage.

Tumayo kami at lumipat do’n. I made him sit first so I can use his thighs as my pillow. I comfortably lay, facing the bluish sky and the shades of coconut trees.

Naramdaman ko ang paghaplos ni Trevor sa buhok ko. Mas lalo tuloy akong inaantok.

“Payag ka na? Sa kwarto mo tayo mamaya?” I looked up on him.

Umiling siya. May munting ngiti sa kanyang labi.

“Huwag mo akong pilitin. Baka hindi na kita palabasin.” Mapaglaro ang tono niya.

“Ikukulong mo ako?”

“Oo. Kaya hindi tayo puwede sa kwarto ko.”

“Puwede naman tayong magkulong kahit buong araw pa.”

“We will when you turned eighteen.”

“Next year pa ’yon! Bahala ka! Kapag hindi mo ako pinagbigyan, sa iba ako makikipaghalikan!”

He slightly pinched my cheek. “Let’s go somewhere else. Just not inside my room.”

“I want to be in your room!”

“Huwag do’n. Baka hindi lang halikan ang magawa natin…” his voice was low.

“Well, we need to control ourselves.”

“The only way to control ourselves is to avoid being in my room.”

Tiningala ko siya at sinimangutan. Ayaw niya talaga. Susuko na ba ako? Hindi ko na ipipilit ang gusto ko?

“You’re so hard to convince. I was just asking for a goddamn privacy to kiss.” I leered.

“Pag aawayan ba natin ’to?”

“Oo kapag hindi ka pumayag!”

“Huwag mo akong pahirapan ng ganito, Chantria.”

“Para kiss lang naman. Ayaw mo pang ibigay sa ’kin!”

I feel like he was rejecting me. Paulit-ulit ang rejection at sa totoo lang, masakit sa pakiramdam ito.

“You need to understand that it’s not appropriate to be in my room with you. I don’t want my friends or tita Safira to think that I don’t respect you.”

Hindi halata sa kanya na ganito pala katindi ang moral niya patungkol sa bagay na ito. Namamangha tuloy ako.

Suko na ako. Masyado akong agresibo. Samantalang siya, mas iniisip niya ang kapakanan ko at ang magiging tingin sa amin ng mga taong nakapaligid sa amin. Mas pinili niyang panindigan ang alam niyang tama kaysa sundin ang gusto ko na batid niyang mali.

Kinuha ko ang isang kamay niya, dinala sa ibabaw ng dibdib ko at niyakap. I came to realized that I cannot just break his principle. It was solid and he undoubtedly stands with it.

12 ~ BABY

CHAPTER TWELVE

When my parents came back from Manila, I see the changes from my mother’s condition. She’s better than before. Medyo nanghihina pa rin siya at namumutla pero mas nakikita ko na pursigido siyang ipagpatuloy ang gamutan niya.

“What did the doctor said?” I curiously asked.

Kakaalis lang ni daddy. Ilang araw siyang wala sa trabaho kaya kailangan niyang bumawi. Even though he left, there is this assurance in me that he will come back. Hindi katulad nitong mga nakalipas na buwan na hindi ako umaasa na babalik siya.

“I will continue my medication. I will be back after two weeks for my follow up check up.”

Nakaupo si mommy sa harap ng hardin. I caught my parents having breakfast together just a moment ago. Sumaya ako nang makita silang magkasama at talagang bumabalik na sila sa dati.

“Magaan na po ba ang pakiramdam mo, mommy? Wala na po bang masakit sa ’yo?”

“Masakit pa rin ang bandang likod ko. But it’s bearable. The medicines are helping me to relieve the pain.”

Napansin ko na hindi niya naubos ang breakfast niya. Humina rin kasi siyang kumain simula nang magkasakit siya kaya naging mabilis ang pagbagsak ng katawan niya.

“Wala ka pa rin po bang gana kumain?”

“Medyo. ’Wag ka nang masyadong mag alala sa ’kin, anak. Magpapagaling ako.” She smiled warmly at me.

“Gusto ko lang po masigurado na umaayos na ang lagay mo, mom. Seeing you happy and inspired, comforted me. Sana po mag tuluy-tuloy na ang pag galing mo…”

“Halika nga. Give me a hug. Namiss kita bigla…”

I giggled and gave her a hug. It feels so good to be in my mom’s arms. Pakiramdam ko tuloy ay bumalik ako sa pagkabata. Hilig ko kasi ang yakapin siya. No’ng nagkasakit siya, nahinto ang pagiging malambing namin sa isa’t isa.

“I know what’s happening to me affected you. I know that what happened to me and your dad, pained you. I am sorry, Chantria. I am sorry because I became selfish, nakalimutan ko na may anak ako na umaasa sa akin at naghihintay ng pag aalaga. I was blinded by my own pain.” Her voice cracked.

Kinagat ko ang loob ng aking pisngi. Kapag ganito si mommy, naiiyak talaga ako. My heart is too soft when it comes to my parents. I can’t just stop myself from being emotional. Mabigat din kasi ang pinagdadaanan ko na hindi ko lang din sinasabi sa kanya. But now I realized that she knows my pain. That’s really matter to me.

“Alam ko na kaya ka nagboboyfriend hindi dahil gusto mo talaga sila. Probably, you are just sad, and you have no other people to talk about with your day. Because your parents were too focused with other things. Nawalan kami ng oras sa ’yo. Sa iba mo tuloy ibinibigay ang atensyon mo. Pasensya na, anak. Nasasaktan ako para sa ’yo.”

Tama naman siya. Kaya lang naman gusto kong magkaro’n ng boyfriend dahil wala akong ibang nakakausap kapag nandito na ako sa amin. Kaya lang naman gusto ko sila dahil binibigyan nila ako ng atensyon na hindi naibibigay sa akin ng magulang ko. Malungkot naman talaga ako. Tahimik ko rin dinadala ang nangyayari sa pamilya ko. At kaysa mag mukmok, mas pinili ko nalang ibaling sa mga lalaki ang panahon ko.

But now that my mother is getting better and my parents’ relationship is going back to normal. I don’t think I need to find more boyfriends to get attention. Trevor is enough for me. Sapat na sa akin ang oras at atensyon na ibinibigay niya sa akin. Besides, I am having fun being with him. I don’t need more boys in my life now.

“Mommy, I appreciate you so much. Naiintindihan ko naman po kung bakit nawalan kayo ng oras sa akin ni daddy. But I am happy now because you two are back together. ’Wag ka na pong mag alala sa akin. I stopped having different boyfriends.”

Hinaplos niya ang mahaba kong buhok. Pumikit ako para damhin ang rahan ng pagmamahal niya sa akin.

“Wala kang boyfriend ngayon?” She sounds playful.

“Wala. But I have suitors.”

“Suitors? Ang dami, ha! May plano ka bang sagutin ang isa sa kanila?”

“I like only one guy. But I remember dad told me that I can’t have boyfriend now. I need to wait until I turned eighteen.”

“Kung ako ang tatanungin mo, papayagan kitang mag boyfriend. Pero dapat ipakilala mo sa akin.”

Lumayo ako sa kanya para magkaharap ulit kami. Tumayo ako sa harap niya. Her hair is like mine. Light waves, light brown, and long. I also got her fair skin. She has a classic beauty and I could see my future self looking just like her.

“I like the college guy. Is that fine?”

Tumaas ang kilay niya. “Oh, I thought you like a boy with your age. Why suddenly change your preferences?”

“I found him mature. He’s polite. He does hard labour during weekends to support his study. His principles amazed me. And most of all, he respects me.”

“And who’s this guy?”

“You know him.”

“Trevor Monterell?”

I nodded my head.

Nasapo ni mommy ang noo niya.

“Mom, are you okay?”

“Anak, baka puwedeng iba nalang?”

“Bakit po?” Kinabahan ako at hindi ko mawari ang eksaktong dahilan.

“Your father dislikes that family.”

“Why?” I am very curious.

She just shook her head. “I can’t tell you.”

“I will ask dad.”

“He won’t tell you.”

“But mommy I like Trevor.”

“Hindi kita kayang suportahan sa bagay na ’yan, Chantria.”

“Okay lang po. Kahit na ayaw niyo sa kanya, gusto ko pa rin po siya.”

“Just… I think, don’t tell your dad about this.”

Tumango ako bilang pagsang ayon. I can keep Trevor a secret from my father. Tama ako ng hinala na ayaw nga ni daddy sa kanya. I am wondering why my father dislikes the Monterell? What did they do? What happened in the past?

“Do you have any ideas? My mom just told me that my dad dislikes Monterell…” I informed Yusef.

We just ate our lunch. We are now at the back of Gymnasium—at the very same spot where we spend our time during break. May mga naglalaro sa football field pero hindi ko nakita si Trevor.

“I have no idea about it. But I can ask my mom, Chantria.”

“Paano ’yan? Sasagutin ko pa naman sana si Trevor. I want to introduce him to my parents. Ayaw naman pala sa kanya ni daddy.”

“Huwag kang magmadali. Hayaan mo lang ang pinsan ko na manligaw sa ’yo. Ang dali lang niyang nakukuha mga naging ex-girlfriend niya. Pahirapan mo siya.”

I let out a frustrating breath.

“Wala si Trevor? Absent yata?” I heard another group of girls.

The last message that Trevor has sent me was this morning. I didn’t know if he is here or what.

“Balita ko may sakit. Pinag usapan nila Silvano kanina…”

Kumunot ang noo ko. Mabilis kong kinuha ang iPhone ko at nag send ng message sa kanya.

Chantria:

Pumasok ka ba?

“Uy, concern siya…” Yusef slightly pushed my forearm when he saw me texting Trevor.

“Hindi ka ba nag aalala? Pinsan mo ’yon ah.”

“Malaki na ’yon. Kaya niya na sarili niya.”

“Baka masakit na naman ang shoulder niya. Ang bibigat kasi nang binubuhat niya sa azucarera…”

“Talaga ba? Nakita mo?”

“Oo! Do’n kami nagkikita tuwing weekends bago magpunta kila Silvano. He does heavy labour. Nagrereklamo nga ’yon na masakit ang balikat niya.”

“Kaya pala biglang laki ng katawan niya. Kargador pala…”

“Kargador ka diyan! Siyempre, he needs to make money to support himself!” I rolled my eyes.

“Oh? Bakit ka galit?” He cackled.

“I am not galit. I just want you to appreciate his hard works.”

“Yiee! Baka nahuhulog ka na kay Trevor, huh?”

I hissed. “I just admired him. Okay? Hindi ko akalain na masipag pala siya at siya ang sumusuporta sa sarili niya.”

“Scholar din ’yon at matataas lagi ang grado. Lalo kang mahuhulog.”

I surpassed a damn grin. “Talaga? Seryoso?”

“Rumors have it that Trevor might get the high latin honor of his batch. You can ask his classmates…”

Lumiwanag ang mukha ko. Bukod sa masipag siya, may prinsipyo, at magaling humalik, matalino rin pala siya. Magugustuhan ko na siya lalo.

“Pwede pala akong magpaturo sa kanya ng assignments natin…”

Tinawanan ako ni Yusef. “Ang galing mo rin ’no?”

“Bakit? Tuturuan niya naman siguro ako kung talagang matalino siya.”

“Ayaw no’n sa mga bobo. Bahala ka. Baka ma turn off ’yon sa ’yo.”

Ngumuso ako. Hindi naman ako bobo. Tamad lang akong mag aral sa mga subject na ayoko. Especially Mathematics. That’s my least favorite.

Trevor:

Hindi.

Chantria:

Bakit hindi ka pumasok? Masakit pa ba ang shoulders mo?

While chatting with Trevor, we walked back to our classroom for our last subject.

“Chantria, crush ka raw nito, oh! Pwede bang manligaw?” Nagtuksuhan ang mga lalaking Grade 9 students.

Ngumisi ako. “May boyfriend na ako!”

“Aray!”

“Sino na boyfriend mo?”

“Secret!”

“Dapat sinabi mo, maligo muna sila bago manligaw.” Yusef mocked.

Tumawa ako. “Dapat sinabi ko si Trevor, ’no?”

“Oh, ano ng sabi niya? Bakit hindi pumasok?”

I checked his message.

Trevor:

Oo. Nabigla kahapon.

Chantria:

Pupuntahan kita pagkatapos ng klase namin. Do you still have pain patches?

“Kawawang Trevor…” Yusef murmured when he saw our messages. “Alam kaya ng mommy niya?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Tita Theora will worry if I told her about Trevor. Pero ayokong pangunahan ang pinsan ko. Baka magalit sa ’kin.”

Pagkatapos ng klase namin, naghiwalay na kami ni Yusef. I told Delfino to go first to the drug store to buy some pain patches. Then we went straight to Silvano’s house.

“Huwag kang aalis, huh? Walang maghahatid sa akin sa bahay.”

“Oo. Dito lang ako sa sasakyan.”

Tita Safira welcomed me. I gave her a kiss on the cheek and light embrace.

“Kanina pa hindi lumalabas sa kwarto niya. Ang taas ng lagnat kagabi…”

“Gano’n po ba? Pupuntahan ko lang po siya.”

“Go ahead. Maghahanda ako ng meryenda para sa inyong dalawa.”

“Salamat, tita.”

Nang kumatok ako sa kwarto ni Trevor, walang sumagot. I slowly opened the door. I saw him laying on his side, wearing a navy blue hoodie jacket and his legs covered with blanket. I sat at the space on his bed, and check if he was asleep.

Nakapikit ang mga mata niya. Namumula rin ang labi niya. Ramdam ko agad ang init na nanggagaling sa kanyang katawan. I carefully placed the back of my hand on his forehead and I winced when I felt his hot fever.

Hindi ako umimik. Ayokong istorbohin ang tulog niya. But I can’t just sit there and do nothing. I saw a small basin with white face towel. Kinuha ko ’yon at dinala sa shower room. I changed the water. I know how to do this because I saw our helpers doing the same thing whenever my mom had a fever.

I went back to the bed and put the basin on the floor. Piniga ko ang towel, inayos, at marahan na inilagay sa kanyang noo. Hindi ko ito binitawan dahil mahuhulog sa mukha niya.

When Trevor moved, I knew I just disturbed his sleep.

“Hi, I’m sorry to bother you…” I said sweetly when he opened his eyes.

Namumungay ang mga mata niya. When he turned his body he flinched. Sabay hawak niya sa kanyang balikat. Halatang nasasaktan siya.

“Uh, I have pain patches for your shoulders. Wait…”

Tumayo ako at kinuha ang binili kong patches. Pagkabalik ko sa kama, nakadapa na siya.

“Ilalagay ko sa balikat mo, ha?” Paalam ko sa kanya.

Tumango siya ng bahagya bilang pagpayag sa gagawin ko.

“I need to remove your jacket…”

I am the one who carefully removed his jacket. Bawat galaw ng braso niya ay napapangiwi siya. Trevor is now left with white tank top. I saw his shoulders were swollen. There are scratches too.

Maingat na inilagay ko sa magkabilang balikat niya ang pain patch. I am hoping this would relieve the pain immediately. I know he’s not acting and pretending. Nakikita ko kasi na talagang namumula ang balikat niya.

I am sitting just beside him. I get the towel and wipe his arm too.

“May lagnat ka…” I said even if he knows it.

He lifted his one arm and placed it above my lap. I am still wearing my school uniform. Napapanguso ako dahil ang bigat ng braso niya.

“Naghahanda si tita ng meryenda. Kumain ka, huh?”

He shook his head. “I don’t have appetite to eat.”

“I will feed you.”

“That’s sweet…” his voice was low and very husky.

After a few minutes, tita came in. Nakangiti siya nang makita ang posisyon namin. Nasa kandungan ko pa rin ang braso ni Trevor, habang nakadapa siya. He cannot really lay on his back because it will hurt his shoulders.

“Trevor, you should eat. At six, you need to take your meds…” Tita’s tone was very motherly.

He nods his head. “Thanks, tita. I’m sorry for the trouble.”

“Magpagaling ka agad. Hinihintay mo lang yata si Chantria na bisitahin ka rito para kumain ka ng maayos.”

Tumawa siya kahit na medyo napapaos.

“Sige na, Chantria, ikaw na ang bahala diyan. Dinalhan ko rin pala ng meryenda ang driver mo…”

Ang bait talaga ni tita Safira. Kaya pala gustung-gusto tumambay dito ng mga kaklase at kaibigan nila Silvano.

Napilit ko si Trevor na kumain. He gets up and rested his back against the bed frame. I feed him with plain congee and boiled egg. Hindi siya makapagreklamo dahil pinanlalakihan ko siya ng mga mata kapag umiiling siya.

“You are such a baby.” I leered with smile on my lips.

He chuckled. “My shoulders are really fucking sore.”

“Gusto mo ng massage?”

“You can try…”

After he eats, I have him took his medicine. Tinitigan ko siya para lang makita kung umaayos ba ang lagay niya o walang pagbabago. Inilagay ko ulit ang likod ng palad ko sa noo niya.

He growled. “I am not a baby…”

“You are a baby to me when you’re sick.”

His lips formed a lazy smile.

“Dapat bukas magaling ka na, ha? Namimiss ko na roadtrip natin sa maalikabok at malubak na daan papunta sa amin.”

“I hope so. I miss your hugs from behind…”

I blushed. “That’s not a hug. I do that so I won’t fall.”

“For me it’s a hug and I like it.”

“Hmm! Whatever you say.”

“Kiss me…” he whispered as he stared at me with his eyes like he was drunk

Hindi naman siguro ako mahahawa ng lagnat niya?

I leaned closer and kissed his lips. It was just a peck, but it made my day.

Trevor closed his eyes. He looked relieved.

Lumapit ulit ako para halikan siya ulit. This time it was longer, I stayed my lips on his. I can feel my heart is going wild. I don’t mind. I am used to this feeling whenever we kiss.

I moved my lips and urged him to kiss me back. And when he did, I smiled.

I know, this is not the right moment for this kind of intimacy. But I really liked his kisses. Marahan ang galaw ng aming mga labi. Katulad ng palagi sa tuwing naghahalikan kami. His breath is too warm, it made me feel like I was above the clouds.

When his hand went to my stomach, my body trembled quietly. Especially when he slid his palm under my blouse. Ang mainit na palad niya ay humaplos sa aking tiyan at wala akong magawa kundi damhin ang tila apoy na bumabalot sa akin.

I whimpered when his hand moved up, and found my breast against the fabric of my brassier. Tila ako nahihilo sa kakaibang kaluguran na sumasaboy sa aking katawan. My skin suddenly get warm like his.

I allowed him to kiss me passionately while massaging my breasts. I like this feeling so much. I know now the reason why he didn’t want us to be in his room. Dahil ganito lang ang gagawin namin. Hindi lang halikan ang mangyayari sa amin.

Namumungay ang mga mata ko nang bahagyang tumigil sa halikan. Tinignan ko siya, para akong nanghihina. His eyes were sleepy and lips were reddish.

“Paano nalang kung walang masakit sa ’yo?” I arched my eyebrow.

“Hmm…” He smirked.

My lips parted in delight when I realized that his palm is still on my chest.

“Keep going…” I urged him to continue to massage my breast and leaned closer again for another kiss.

13 ~ HICKEY

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

The rumors about my father having an affair didn’t stop. I was trying my best to ignore it, but it has became a gossips even in our school. I don’t believe that my father was cheating on my mom. They are back together, stronger and unbreakable. So, why would his allegedly infidelity wouldn’t stop?

“I saw her dad with a young woman… maganda…” I heard other students while they were watching me.

“Reva Chantria, ignore it.” Yusef held my wrist to stop me from confronting these girls.

Kumakain kami ng lunch dito sa canteen. I can’t finish my foods because I heard these ugly bees talking shit about my father.

“I just want to tell them that my parents are going strong. Where did they find this false information about him?”

“You know what mattered now? That your parents are back together. Umuuwi na rin palagi sa mansyon niyo si tito Henrich, di ba?”

“Yes. Kahit madalas na gabi na siya umuuwi, okay lang. Ang mahalaga ay umuuwi na siya sa amin. Sabay din palagi sila ni mommy mag breakfast.”

“Nag check-in pa nga raw sa hotel sa Bacolod. Para malayo sa mata ng mga taga La Carlota…”

“Totoo ba talaga ’yan? O tsismis lang?”

“Totoo. Nakita ng kapit bahay namin!”

I won’t this slide. Masyado na nilang sinisiraan ang daddy ko. Walang katotohanan ang mga ito!

“Chantria!” Yusef called me but I ignored him.

Tinapik ko ang lamesa ng grupo. Napaigtad sila sa lakas nang pagkakatapik ko.

“For your information, my father is not cheating with my mom. He had no affair. He wasn’t a cheater like you ugly bees were talking about!” I hissed while glaring at them.

“Nakita ko naman talaga ang daddy mo na may kasamang babae—”

“Nakita mo ba silang naghalikan?”

“Hindi—”

“Hindi naman pala! Sobrang judgemental mong babae ka!”

“Pero totoong nakita ng kapit bahay namin na may kasama siyang babae sa hotel sa Bacolod!”

“Ano naman?! Just because they are in a hotel, it doesn’t mean my father was cheating! What if she was just a client or a business partner?!”

Nagkibit siya ng balikat. “Bahala ka, Chantria. Hindi naman pamilya ko ang masisira.”

“Oo, hindi pamilya mo ang masisira. Kaya puwede ba, itikom mo ’yang bibig mo?”

“Sobra ka na, Chantria—”

“Sobra talaga ako!” I crossed my arms above my chest. “Especially that I heard some ugly bees were spreading fake news about my dad. I won’t allow that!”

“Ayaw na ng daddy mo sa mommy mo dahil may sakit siya!”

My blood suddenly boiled. What I heard just upset me and I don’t have patience for this.

“What did you say?” I pushed her chest.

Tumayo siya. Pero di hamak na mas matangkad ako sa kanya. Kaya kung lalaban siya sa akin sisiguraduhin ko na kakawawain ko siya! Di bale na ipatawag ako sa principal office, huwag ko lang hayaan ang mga babaeng ito na siraan ang magulang ko!

“Your father is a cheater—”

I slapped her face making her stopped from talking.

Nakita ko na nanlalaki ang mga mata niya, namuo rin ang luha sa kanyang mga mata, habang sapo niya ang pisngi na sinampal ko.

My hands were trembling. Hindi ako bayolenteng tao. Pero hindi ko kaya na husgahan ang kahit na sino sa magulang ko. I allowed it once, I ignored it once, but this time, I will never ever allow anyone tarnish my parents’ name.

“Chantria!” I heard Yusef’s voice.

Sasampalin sana ako ng babae bilang ganti, pero hinawi ko ang kamay niya.

“I don’t want to hear you, all of you…” I pointed at them with my index finger. “…talking shit about me and my parents. Hindi ako mabait kagaya nila. Kaya hindi ko palalagpasin ang mga panghuhusga niyo sa kanila at mga maling paratang!”

Yusef carefully dragged me out away from the canteen. Dinala niya ako sa likod ng Gymnasium. We sat at the bench. Pumikit ako ng mariin. Nanginginig pa rin ang mga kamay ko.

Tahimik kami pareho. Hindi niya ako pinapagalitan. Sa pamamagitan ng paghagod niya sa likod ko, kumakalma ako.

“My dad is not a cheater…” I croaked.

“There’s no evidence that he cheats though. Just gossips…”

Tumango ako. Kumalat ng husto ang bulung-bulungan na ito sa La Carlota simula nang magkasakit si mommy. Halos maniwala ako noon na totoo dahil palagi rin silang nag aaway dalawa, at hindi umuuwi si daddy sa amin.

Ngayon, maayos na sila. Nagpapagaling na rin si mommy at nagpapalakas. Though, sometimes, she’s really weak. Ang tanging nakakapagpanatag sa akin ay dahil kasama niya na palagi si daddy.

Kaya bakit hindi matigil ang haka-haka na may ibang babae ang aking ama? Kung maayos naman ang relasyon nila ng aking ina.

People here in La Carlota can be mean and rude. Bakit ko pa ba ito pinagtatakhan? Ganito rin sila kalupit sa mga taga Sitio Verde kung saan nakatira si Charlotta—ang bago naming kaibigan.

Sinunod ko ang gusto ni Grego na magpanggap na sponsor ni Charlotta no’ng sumali siya sa Miss Intrams. Fortunately, she won the crown. We are very happy and proud of her. We witnessed her hard works and perseverance not just to win, but also to make the students change their perspective about her and where she has came from.

It’s just that, there are people who were born to be mean and to spread negativities. I have long time realized that we cannot please people who didn’t truly believe in you and that’s fine. As long as the people around you, support and love you. That’s what mattered the most.

My good relation with Trevor Monterell continues. Hindi ko pa siya sinasagot. Kuntento naman ako na magkasama kami at walang label. Besides, we can always kiss if we both want to even if we don’t have a proper relationship yet. I am not in a hurry.

I wanted to obey my father. I will only have my real boyfriend when I turned eighteen and that’s soon. Trevor assured me that he can wait for that day. I am relieved. Because honestly, I want him to be my boyfriend.

I am affected with I heard from my schoolmates. Trevor noticed it quickly.

“What happened?” He asked me when he meets me at the parking lot.

Hindi ako nagpasundo kay Delfino ngayon. Pupunta kasi kami kila Silvano at doon magpapalipas ng oras bago umuwi.

“The rumors about my father’s affair didn’t stop. Some students were talking about it. Hindi ko napigilan na huwag silang sitahin. I slapped one of them.”

Trevor sighed. Hawak niya na ang helmet at handa nang isuot sa akin.

“Hindi naman totoo, di ba? Your parents are in good term too.”

“Hindi totoo pero hindi ako papayag na husgahan nila si daddy…”

“Naiintindihan kita. Tama lang ang ginawa mo na sitahin sila pero sana hindi ka naging bayolente.”

“I’m not gonna apologize. She deserved the slap because she spreads fake news!”

He put the helmet on my head and locked it. Ang tagal na namin na ganito pero siya pa rin ang nagsusuot at naghuhubad ng helmet sa akin. We had a nice ride going to Silvano’s house. When we get here, Trevor’s friends were already started drinking, playing music, and chit-chats.

“Shot ka, Chantria…” Dalary lifted a glass shot for me.

“Ayokong uminom ngayon. Maaga akong uuwi.”

“Huwag mo nang pansinin ang mga tsismis tungkol sa daddy mo. Naniniwala kami na walang katotohanan ang lahat ng ’yon.”

Ang bilis kumalat nang ginawa ko kanina. Nalaman agad nila.

Ngumiti ako. “Salamat. I appreciate it.”

“Magpapalit muna ako…” paalam sa akin ni Trevor.

“Sasama ako sa ’yo.”

“Naku! Ang tagal niyo nang ganyan. Imposibleng hindi naghahalikan sa loob ng kwarto!” Humagikhik si Glenda.

“Hindi naman siguro…” Jolene butt in.

“Huwag kayong ganyan kay Chantria at Trevor. Isipin niyo na seventeen palang siya.” Saway ni Alena.

“Malapit na mag eighteen ’yan!” Dalary informed them.

“Oo nga pala! Invited ba kami sa eighteen birthday party mo, Chantria?”

Honestly, I don’t have plans yet for my eighteenth birthday. Iniisip ko lang ang tungkol dito dahil sa araw na ’yon, gusto kong sagutin ang matagal na na panliligaw sa akin ni Trevor. I think, that would be very special.

If my parents have plans for my birthday, I’d be fine. I can invite friends and some classmates.

“Sure. I’d like to invite all of you.”

Nagpalakpakan sila.

Iniwan namin sila at nagpunta sa silid ni Trevor. I sat on his bed while watching him pulling new clothes from his cabinet.

“Are you going to take a shower?” I asked.

“Yeah.”

“Okay. I’m gonna lay here while waiting…” I lay my back on his soft mattress.

Trevor nodded his head before he went inside the shower room.

Tumulala ako sa kisame. Apektado talaga ako sa mga bulung-bulungan tungkol kay daddy. Paano ko ba mapapatunayan pa ng husto na hindi totoo ang sinasabi ng mga tao? Sundan ko kaya siya ng palihim? Para malaman ko kung sino ang mga nakakasalamuha niya.

Paano ko naman ’yon gagawin? Isasama ko ba si Yusef? Pwede kaya namin gamitin ang sasakyan nila sa pag stalk kay daddy? Pero baka mahalata kami kapag gano’n ang ginawa namin?

I got interrupted by my thoughts when Trevor came out from the shower room. He was drying his hair using the white towel. He’s topless and it revealed the muscles on his stomach. The water was dripping from his chest down to his abdomen. His black shorts showed his legs matted with thin hair.

Habang tumatagal na magkasama kami at nakikilala ko siya, pati ang katawan niya ay naging pamilyar na rin sa akin.

I bite my lips when Trevor crawled on top of me. He placed his both arms on the sides of my face. I smell his shower gel and his minty breath. Wala pa man ay para na akong nalalasing.

“Iinom ka ba?” tanong ko upang pagtakpan ang gumagapang na kasabikan sa akin.

“Papayagan mo ba ako?”

“Puwede naman. Huwag lang madami…”

“I’m not gonna get drunk. Papasok pa ako sa azucarera bukas.”

“Ano’ng oras ka uuwi? Five o’clock pa rin?”

“Why are you asking?”

Gusto ko sana siyang ayain na sundan namin si daddy. We can use his motorcycle. Hindi kami makikilala agad dahil naka helmet pareho. It would be safer for use to do the stalking.

I lifted my hand to caress his jaw. Dumiin ang titig niya sa akin.

“I wanna stalk my dad…”

His forehead knotted.  “Why would you do that?”

“To make sure that he’s not cheating with my mom?”

He leaned closer to kiss my forehead. It made me closed my eyes.

Nang dumilat ako, nakatitig pa rin siya sa akin. Malambing kong ipinalupot ang mga braso ko sa kanyang batok.

“Samahan mo ako, please?”

Nanliit ang mga mata niya. He leaned closer again to kiss my cheek. Hindi niya inalis ang labi niya sa aking pisngi.

“Paano kita tatanggihan, hmm?” He murmured against my cheek.

A smile crept my lips. “Hindi mo ako kayang tanggihan. Hindi mo ako kayang tiisin.”

“Yeah. I cannot resist you. It was like a curse.”

I giggled. “Paano nalang kapag girlfriend mo na ako?”

“For me, you’re already my girlfriend…” he’s kissing my cheek in a gentle way.

It feel the same though. Wala kaming label pero para na kaming may relasyon. Palagi rin kaming naghahalikan kapag may pagkakataon.

“For me, you’re like my boyfriend too.” I muttered so softly.

When his one hand traveled to my stomach and his lips touched mine, I smiled.

Ipinikit ko ang aking mga mata at muling dinama ang labi namin na nakalapat sa isa’t isa. His kisses really made me addicted. Hinahanap-hanap ko talaga. Alam kong gano’n din siya sa akin.

“Hmmm…” I whimpered when his kisses moved down to my neck.

I caress his wet hair as I anticipated what he will do next. He slid his one hand under my blouse and skillfully covered my breast with his palm. At habang hinahalik-halikan niya ang leeg ko, mariin na ang kagat ko sa aking labi upang hindi umungol ng malakas.

I know him. If he ever heard me moan, he would always stop. Kaya talagang nabibitin ako. This time, I was trying so hard not to make any sounds of satisfaction. I wanted him to continue pleasing me.

“Trevor…” I whispered sensually when I felt his fingers playing with my nipple.

Hindi ito bago sa amin. May mga pagkakataon na nangyayari ito. Pero kahit pa gano’n, matindi pa rin ang kaluguran na ipinapadama sa akin.

“Do you want me to stop?” His raspy voice against my earlobe made me gasped.

“Don’t stop…”

Namumungay ang mga mata ko. I am already drowned with this sweet sensation. If he didn’t have a great self-control, I might end up giving myself to him since the day we first did this.

Bumaba pa ang mga halik niya sa ibabaw ng dibdib ko. Hindi naman mainit pero parang nasusunog ang aking balat. His fingers continued to play with my hard tit and it build up my arousal.

I grip on his hair when I felt his kisses on the skin of my cleavage.

“Are you gonna leave a kiss mark again?” I giggled.

“Yeah…”

I bite my bottom lip when I felt him sucking the skin on my breast. My cheeks were burning like hell.

“I wanna give you a kiss mark too…” malambing kong sabi habang hinahaplos ang buhok niya.

Magaling nga talaga siya pagdating sa mga ganito. Totoo ang mga sinasabi ng mga kaibigan niya. He is experienced and he knows how to properly please a girl. Siguradong higit pa rito ang ginawa niya sa mga naging girlfriend niya.

“Trevor…” tawag ko sa kanya sa walang katiyakan na dahilan.

He was sucking my skin too long, making sure he’d leave a red mark.

When he was satisfied, he lifted up his body and went back to kiss my lips.

“What do you want?” His voice was tender.

“I wanna give you a kiss mark…”

“Hmm…”

“Sa neck…” I eyed his neck. “Lapit ka…”

I pulled him closer to me and angled my head to his neck. Ang bango niya talaga. Nahahalina ako. Lalo ko lang nagugustuhan na lagyan din siya ng marka galing sa akin.

I mimicked what he did to the skin above my breast. I sucked the skin on his neck… softer and longer.

“Tang ina…” he cursed under his breath.

He cannot moved because I jailed him with my thin arms. Aside from that, I am enjoying sucking his skin. It amazed me… that I can do this to him too. Hindi pwedeng ako lang ang bibigyan niya ng kissmark, dapat pati siya mayro’n din na ako ang may gawa.

“Baby…” his voice was very raspy.

He craned his neck a bit, but I didn’t let go of him. I then felt his palm back under my blouse. While I am busy sucking his neck, his palm was massaging my breast. And it distracted me.

Marahan ko siyang pinakawalan. Tinignan ko ang leeg niya at nangiti nang makita ang pamumula sa parte kung saan ko sinipsip. I feel satisfied having him marked by me.

“How can you hide that hickey?” I smirked.

He growled and buried his face on my shoulder blade.

“Blame yourself for teaching me how to suck your skin. I just mimicked what you did to my breast.”

Naramdaman ko ang dampi ng halik niya sa aking leeg.

“Hindi na kita dadalhin dito sa kwarto ko. Bawal ka na dito…” napapaos niyang bulong.

I giggled. I was not threatened at all. Instead, I embraced him to feel his body to mine.

14 ~ KISS MARK

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

We followed my father’s car going to his office in town. I rarely visit Alcander Homes—the only real estate company here in La Carlota. It is also known in whole region. My dad has built it through his hard works, connections, and money as well.

I was raise with the thought that I am the only one who would inherit all my parents’ wealth including Alcander Homes. Naging normal sa akin ang ganitong kaisipan kaya kahit na malinaw na ako nga lang ang nag iisang tagapagmana ng aking magulang, hindi ito naging mabigat na katotohanan para sa akin kahit na bata palang ako.

I am not very intelligent in academics. I am just a normal student who also failed my quizzes, got called out for being late, and my grades are not as high with my other classmates. But I am undoubtedly fine with it.

Hindi ko naman kailangan maging matalino. Kailangan ko lang pumasa.

Nang pumasok si daddy sa gusali ng opisina niya, hindi ko na alam ang gagawin. Kung ako lang mag isa, siguradong mauubusan ako ng pasensya.

“Ano’ng oras kaya siya lalabas?” I mumbled.

Trevor just removed his helmet. He parked his motorcycle a bit away from the entrance. He’s sporting a navy blue hoodie jacket and pants. Kanina pa ako napapatingin sa kanya dahil bagong gupit siya. His faded buzz cut suits him so good… it made me pursed my lips.

Kinunot ko ang noo ko nang sumulyap siya sa akin. Ayokong isipin niya na gusto ko ang bagong hair cut niya. Hindi ko rin maiintindihan kung bakit umiinit ang pisngi ko dahil dito.

“What we need to do is to see who will go inside that building.” He jerked his head to gesture the two-story modern building.

Lumapit siya sa akin pagkatapos niyang ilapag sa motorsiklo ang mga helmet namin.

“Dito tayo para hindi ka maarawan…” he carefully pulled me towards the big trunk of the tree.

Mabuti nalang pumayag siya na gawin ito. Bakit nga ba hindi siya papayag? He cannot resist me. While I was convincing him to do this, I was kissing him. That’s why he got no choice but to be with me here.

Trevor leaned against the trunk and made me stand in front of him. He wrapped his arms around me as while I was resting my back body on his chest. I bite the inside of my cheek because of our position.

“Hindi ko masyadong kilala ang mga empleyado ni daddy. Pero bibilangin ko ang mga babaeng papasok or lalabas…”

Habang nakayakap siya sa akin, inaamoy niya rin ang buhok ko.

Kailangan kong makaisip ng pag uusapan namin bago pa ako mahalina.

“Wala ka na bang balak umuwi sa inyo?” Tanong ko.

“I will only go home to see my mom.”

“Why are you doing this? You do heavy labour to support yourself when your parents can easily do that for you.”

“I don’t need my father’s money.”

“Why is that?”

“I can support myself. Hindi lahat ng tao madadaan niya sa pera…” makahulugan niyang sabi.

I rested the back of my head on his shoulder, so that his lips can reach kiss my cheek too.

“Bakit ka galit sa daddy mo? Marami ang humahanga sa kanya. Nagagawa niya naman daw ang tungkulin niya bilang Congressman.”

Mula sa sintido ko, bumaba ang labi niya sa aking pisngi. His soft lips stayed on my cheek.

Kung may makakakita man sa amin dito, hindi na ako magtataka kung iisipin nila na naglalambingan kami. Dahil iyon ang totoo. I don’t mind though. I liked being this close to him. Nasanay na ako na magkatabi ang mga balat namin. Gano’n din siya sa akin.

“Hindi niya nagagawa ang tungkulin niya bilang mabuting asawa.”

My eyebrows creased. What does it mean?

Tatanungin ko pa sana si Trevor pero nakita namin pareho ang pagpasok ng isang matangkad na babae sa building. Balingkinitan ang katawan niya at mahaba ang buhok.

“Did you see the woman?”

“I did.”

“Who is she?”

I am not sure why I suddenly bothered by it. I hope, she’s just a client.

“By the way, where did we stop? Uh, what do you mean your father is not being a good husband?”

He sighed. “I don’t wanna talk about him, Chantria. The thought of him irked me.”

“Okay. Iba nalang ang pag usapan natin…”

Hindi ko na namamalayan ang paglipas ng mga sandali. Nagtatawanan kami ni Trevor at nagkukwentuhan lang ng kung anu-ano para lang mapatay ang mga oras nang paghihintay. When I spotted my father going out with the same woman, I gasped.

“That’s… my dad!” I hide behind the tree.

I heard Trevor’s laughed with my reaction.

Sinundan ko ng tingin si daddy. Nagpunta sila sa SUV niya. Pinagbuksan niya ng pinto ang babae bago siya umikot sa driver’s side.

“Trevor, let’s go. Let’s follow them!”

Isinuot niya sa akin ang helmet. After he locked it, I held into his shoulder to support myself when I lifted my body to sit at the space behind him. Pinaandar niya na ang motorsiklo sa tamang bilis kung saan makikita pa rin namin ang sasakyan ng aking ama.

Malakas ang pintig ng aking puso. Natatakot ako na baka totoo nga ang mga tsismis tungkol sa pagkakaro’n ng ibang babae ni daddy. I don’t know what would I feel about it. But I am sure, my heart would shatter.

The car stopped in front of the restaurant. Trevor parked his motorcycle a little bit away to avoid suspicion. Lumabas ang dalawa sa sasakyan at pumasok sa restaurant. The wall is glass, so I can still see them. They occupied a table for two.

Hindi na kami umalis sa motorsiklo. Nararamdaman ko ang pamumuo ng mga luha sa aking pisngi. Lalo na no’ng pinapanood ko si daddy na halatang masaya habang kausap niya ang babae na tiyak na mas bata sa kanya ng ilang taon.

“Trevor, let’s go na…” my voice cracked.

“Are you sure?”

I nodded my head. “Please, let’s leave na.”

“Saan tayo pupunta?”

“I don’t know. Ikaw na ang bahala. Huwag lang dito.”

Habang binabaybay namin ang daan patungo sa lugar na hindi ko alam, tahimik akong umiiyak. I am crying because I already felt my mom’s pain once she discovered that my father was seeing another woman while she was sick at home.

I don’t want to judge my father. But I saw it in my own eyes that he’s with another woman. Masaya pa talaga siya. Habang ang asawa niya ay nakikipaglaban sa sakit. Paano niya nagawang maging maligaya sa ganitong sitwasyon ng pamilya namin?

Trevor brought me to Guintubdan where the majestic waterfalls were like my tears that won’t stop from falling to my cheeks.

Umupo ako at tinanaw ang talon sa aming harap. Malamig ang paligid. Ang tanging tunog lang ay ang lagaslas ng tubig at mga huni ng ibon sa malayo.

“Paano niya nagagawang maging masaya kasama ang ibang babae? Habang ang asawa niya, may sakit…” mapait kong sambit.

Trevor sat next to me. He placed his one arm above my shoulders to let me know that I was not alone.

“Hindi pa tayo sigurado—”

“Sigurado ako na babae niya ’yon. Hindi tsismis ang kumakalat dito sa La Carlota. Totoo ang mga balita tungkol sa kanya. I saw it in my own eyes!”

Galit na pinahid ko ang mga luha na hindi tumitigil sa pag agos sa aking magkabilang pisngi.

“He told me not to believe with rumors. Paano niya sa akin ipapaliwanag ang nakita ko? Who’s that woman? Bakit sabay pa silang kumain? Bakit silang dalawa lang? Naaawa ako kay mommy…”

Tila sinusugatan ng punyal ang puso ko. Hindi ko iniinda ang sariling damdamin ko sa nakita kong pagtataksil. Mas nangingibabaw sa akin ang sakit kapag nalaman ng aking ina na ang asawa niya ay may ibang babaeng pinaglalaanan ng oras kapag wala sa tabi niya.

I had a good cry in front of the waterfalls with Trevor beside me.

No’ng hapon na. Bumalik kami sa bahay nila Silvano. Nahalata agad ni tita Safira ang pamamaga ng mga mata ko.

“Dear, what happened to you?” Nag aalala siya nang hinawakan niya ang magkabilang balikat ko.

Akala ko tapos na akong umiyak, pero hindi pa pala. Niyakap ko si tita at umiyak ulit. Panay ang haplos niya sa likod ko bilang pagpapakalma sa akin. Dinala niya ako sa mahabang sofa, pinaupo at hinayaan akong umiyak.

Trevor prepared a glass of water for me.

“Saan ba kayo galing? Trevor?”

“Sa Guintubdan po…”

“Oh bakit umiiyak si Chantria? Anong ginawa mo?”

Napanguso ako at humikbi. Nasisi pa talaga si Trevor. I saw him rubbing his eyebrow.

“W-wala po siyang ginawang masama, tita. Galing po kami sa opisina ni daddy…”

Tita Safira took a deep breath.

“I saw my dad with another woman…” I croaked bitterly.

Napahilot si tita sa sintido niya.

“Hindi ko nalang po sasabihin kay mommy. Ayokong dagdagan ang sakit na pinagdadaanan niya.”

Dumaan ang katahimikan. Medyo kumakalma na ako pero napapahikbi pa rin talaga.

“Gusto mong magpahinga?” Trevor’s voice was gentle.

“Trevor, ha, napapadalas si Chantria sa silid mo. Baka kung ano na ang ginagawa niyong dalawa do’n.”

Uminit ang pisngi ko. Ilang beses na kaming pinagsabihan ni tita. Minsan nga ay kinakatok pa kami kapag matagal kaming lumabas. Hindi naman siya nagsawa na paalalahanan kami sa mga bagay na hindi dapat namin ginagawa pa sa ngayon.

“Wala naman po, tita.” Trevor said politely.

“Ano’ng wala? I saw hickey in your neck.” She pointed out.

I pouted. I didn’t want to look at Trevor. He might blame me.

“Si Chantria po kasi pinag aralan ako—”

“Trevor!” I grimaced while my face was heating up.

Humalakhak siya.

Napailing si tita Safira. “Sinasabi ko sa inyong dalawa. Kahit kay Silvano at Solaris, dahil nakita kong naghahalikan do’n sa sapa. Huwag niyo munang gagawin ang hindi dapat. Maghintay kayo sa tamang panahon. Huwag magmadali.”

“Naghalikan po sila? Si Silvano at Solaris?” Manghang tanong ko.

“Oo. Ilang beses kong nakita.” Tita chuckled. “Hindi ako makapaniwala na sobrang agresibo ng mga kabataan ngayon.”

I admit. Our generation is aggressive compared to the previous ones.

Sa araw na ito, wala ang mga kaibigan nila Trevor. Kami lang ni Solaris ang bisita.

“Are you okay?” She asked me with worried in her eyes.

We are helping tita Safira to prepare for our dinner. While Trevor and Silvano are checking their musical instruments at the back of the house.

“I’m okay now, Solaris.” I smiled at her to assure her.

“Solaris, Chantria, kayo ha. Wala pa kayong eighteen pero kung makipaghalikan kayo…”

Nagkatinginan kami ni Solaris at sabay na namula ang mga pisngi.

“Ang sarap po kasing humalik ni Trevor.” I said while giggling.

Humagikhik si Solaris. “Gano’n din po si Silvano.”

“Goodness! Kissing is still not allowed at your age. But I know I can’t control your feelings. ’Wag niyo lang gagawin ang higit pa ro’n.”

“Ano’ng higit po?”

“Tss. Did you girls talk about this with your moms?”

Solaris and I shook our heads.

I stopped telling my mom about Trevor because she cannot support me with this. I keep Trevor a secret whenever I am home.

“Don’t do more than just a kiss.” Tita emphasized.

“I am still a virgin.” I informed her.

“Me too.” Solaris said.

“That’s good to know. Mabuti at hindi naman pala nagmamadali ang dalawa.”

“Magaling po mag kontrol si Silvano…” Solaris muttered softly.

Nanliliit ang mga mata ni tita habang nakatingin sa kanya.

“Isa ka pa, Solaris, ha. Napapatagal ka rin diyan sa kwarto ni Silvano.”

Hindi naman ako ang pinagsasabihan pero ramdam ko ang hiya ni Solaris. I see her blushed too.

“Ano’ng ginagawa niyo?” I whispered curiously.

She glared at me. “Sshh!”

Ngumisi ako. “Gusto mo turuan kita paano lagyan ng hickey si Silvano?”

“Huh?”

Lumapit ako sa kanya para bumulong. “You just have to suck the skin on his neck. Suck in longer until it gets red.”

Namilog ang mga mata niya. He leaned closer to me too.

“That’s what he did to my breast. Kaya I have red mark minsan…” She whispered innocently.

Napangiwi ako. Hindi ko inaasahan na aaminin niya ito sa akin. Magiging tapat din ako sa kanya.

“Trevor sucked my breast too. Kaya ginantihan ko siya. Gantihan mo rin si Silvano.” I urged her like a devil whispering bad things to her ear.

When tita turned her body to face us, we stopped whispering to each other. Natatawa kami habang naghahanda ng pagkain.

“Pakitawag na ’yong dalawa para makakain na tayo…”

Solaris and I went to the backyard. Lumapit ako kay Trevor, siya naman ay kay Silvano.

“Let’s eat na. Pagkatapos natin kumain. Pwede bang ihatid mo ako sa amin?”

Marahan na hinapit niya ako sa bewang habang nakaupo siya sa harap ng piano keyboard.

“How do you feel now?” He caressed my arm.

“A little bit lighter.” I wrapped my thin arms around his nape. “Thank you for being with me today.”

A small smile formed his lips. “Anything for my girl.”

“Pinagsabihan pala kami ni tita…” tumikwas ang nguso ko.

“What did she say?”

“Don’t do more than a kiss. But you know, I discovered that…” I leaned closer until my lips near his ear. “…that Silvano and Solaris, they kiss when they are inside his room. And he gives her kiss marks too. So I taught her how to give Silvano a hickey!”

Habang bumubulong ako sa kanya, nakikita ko ang pamumungay ng mga mata niya at ang munting ngiti sa labi.

Hinapit niya ako lalo hanggang sa mapaupo ako sa kandungan niya. Ramdam ko ang biglaang pagbabago ng pintig ng aking puso.

“You taught her that?” He looked amused.

I proudly nodded my head. “Para makaganti siya. Sa breast nga rin siya nilalagyan ng kiss mark eh.”

He winced which made me see his perfectly lined up white teeth.

“I told her that you give me kiss mark too… sa breast. So we both have this little secret between us.”

Trevor slightly pulled the fabric of my blouse in my chest part and sneaked a peek inside.

Marahan na hinampas ko ang braso niya habang nangingiti. “What are you doing?”

“Just wanna see if you have hickey hiding your chest.”

“I have one. I saw it while taking a shower this morning.”

His lips curved up arrogantly.

15 ~ BIRTHDAY

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

I kept the truth from my mother. I didn’t tell her about what I witnessed. Even in front of my father, I pretended that I don’t know nothing… that I had no idea about his infidelity. This way, I can protect my heart from breaking again into pieces.

Since I discovered that my father has another woman, I felt like I’m being rebellious. I wanted more attention and I get it from Trevor. He is the one who can fill the missing piece in me. With him, I feel whole. Kaya hindi ako papayag na mawala siya sa akin. Kahit alam kong ayaw sa kanya ng aking ama.

I told my parents that I didn’t want a grand celebration for my eighteenth birthday. I never wanted to pretend being happy in front of people when deep within me, I am torn.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit kailangan pa magpanggap ni daddy na maayos ang pamilya namin. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit hindi nararamdaman ni mommy na may kakaiba sa asawa niya. Probably, she’s blinded by her love for him. For me, the love that I have for my father has faded. It is painful but I’d rather not love him than being blinded by the lies in front of me.

We had a very intimate birthday celebration in our mansion with my parents with me. They gifted me a new car. I am grateful but I don’t need it. I am contented riding with Trevor on his motorcycle.

“Aalis ka agad?” Mommy asked me.

“May inihandang party po kasi sa akin sa Playa Azure, mommy. Nando’n na po ang mga kaibigan ko.”

My father sighed. I know, he feels my coldness towards him.

“Mag over night din po pala ako. Bukas na ako uuwi.”

Lumapit ako kay mommy para yakapin ka. Hindi ko alam kung nasanay nalang ba ako na palagi siyang mahina at namumutla. O hindi lang talaga siya gumagaling ng tuluyan.

“Magpahinga ka na po. Don’t worry about me.”

“Umuwi ka agad bukas ng umaga. Hapon ang flight namin papunta sa Maynila.”

Her medication in Manila is continues, still, I don’t see any progress with her health.

“Opo, mommy.”

Aalis na sana ako pero tinawag niya ako at itinuro niya si daddy.

“Hug your dad…”

Mabigat ang mga paa ko na bumalik sa lamesa para lang yakapin ng mabilis ang aking ama.

“Are you still friends with that Monterell?” His voice was cold.

Nasira agad ang timpla ko. Sana ay huwag niya akong pigilan sa pagkakataon na ito. Dahil sa totoo lang, sa tuwing nakikita ko siya, gusto ko siyang sumbatan.

“Trevor was courting me.” I admitted with honesty.

Dad shook his head in dismay. “Dump him.”

I smirked. “I like him.”

“Wala kang makukuhang mabuti sa taong ’yon. He’s rebellious. A son of corrupt public servant.”

How dare him judge Trevor like that? As if he knows him personally! Wala siyang karapatan husgahan ang kung sino dahil siya nga itong taksil!

“He’s not what you think he is.”

“Believe me, Chantria. I know what blood runs in his veins.”

“You only know him by his name and by his father’s reputation. But you don’t know what he does just to continue living!”

“Chantria, stop it…” saway sa akin ni mommy.

My father massaged his temple. “Hindi ka aalis. Go to your room.”

I gasped. What the hell is this?!

“No! I am old enough to decide for myself, dad. I am not a kid anymore!”

“Go to your room, Chantria.” He muttered firmly.

“I won’t do that!”

“At ’yan ang nakukuha mo sa pagsama sa lalaking ’yon?! Did he teach you to defy your parents like what he did to his?! Did he teach you to be disrespectful?!” His voice raised which made me jump on my feet.

“Henrich…” tawag ni mommy sa malumanay na tono.

I swallowed hard. I can no longer stay in this house. This place is not a home to me anymore. This used to be my sanctuary, but now it is like living in hell where I slowly burning into ashes.

“Hayaan mo na ang anak mo na makasama ang mga kaibigan niya…” nakita ko ang palitan nila ng tingin sa isa’t isa.

Unti-unti ay kumalma si daddy. Hindi niya na ako pinansin kaya mabilis akong lumabas para at pumasok sa sasakyan. I was chatting with Yusef and Trevor while my hands were trembling.

Trevor:

How’s the dinner with your parents?

Chantria:

It ended with a little fight with my dad.

Yusef:

We are waiting for you. I bought drinks! Maglalasing tayo ngayong gabi!

Chantria:

Right. I wanna get drunk tonight.

Trevor:

Are you okay?

I could almost hear the gentleness on his voice. Siya at si Yusef lang naman talaga ang nakakaintindi sa sitwasyon ko. Sa kanila lang ako naglalabas ng mga sama ng loob ko kay daddy.

Chantria:

I just need a hug I think.

Trevor:

Come here. I’ll give you a hug.

I blinked to stop my tears. I am becoming emotional. I didn’t expect to have that kind of conversation with my father. I thought I could control my emotions. Pero sa tuwing nakikita ko talaga siya, binabalot ako ng pait at lungkot.

When I went to cabana where my friends are supposed to be waiting for me, I found nothing but darkness. I was about to turn my body but the lights suddenly blurry my vision.

“Happy 18th birthday, Reva Chantria!” I heard my friends chanted in unison.

They popped the balloons, opened a bottle of champagne, and throw a confettis.

Napangiti ako at medyo naluluha dahil biglang gumaan ang pakiramdam ko. Habang nasa loob ako ng sasakyan kanina, sinisikap ko na huwag umiyak. Dahil ayokong makita ng mga kaibigan ko na malungkot ako sa araw na ito.

Trevor walked towards me holding a bouquet of flowers. He looked dashing with his white linen polo and navy blue pants. I can see how his small stud earring shines through the lights.

“Happy eighteenth birthday, baby…” he muttered gently and gave me a kiss on the head.

“Thank you.” I accepted the flowers.

“Hindi namin alam kung ano ang status niyo! But I wanna congratulate Trevor! Tapos na ang paghihintay mo!” I heard Dalary’s yelled.

“Tapos na ang dalawang taon na pagtitimpi ni Trevor! Mabuhay ka!”

Nagtawanan sila kaya nahawa na rin tuloy ako.

“Mga tarantado…” he mumbled.

I poked his waist playfully. “I wanna tell you something later.”

Hinuli niya ang kamay ko at dinala sa kanyang labi. “Come, I wanna give you something.”

Nagpatangay ako sa kanya palabas ng cabana.

“Hoy, Trevor! Saan mo dadalhin ang birthday girl natin? Hindi ka na ba talaga makapaghintay?”

“Chantria, mag ingat ka diyan! Ang tagal niyang naghintay baka maging marahas ’yan sa ’yo!”

“Hoy! Ang mga bunganga niyo!” Yusef scowled. “Mag inom na tayo!”

Dinala ako ni Trevor sa isa pang cabana. Sa pagkakataon na ito, kaming dalawa lang ang narito. We sat at the hammock that faces the dark ocean.

My white long dress dance with the cold breeze. My hair is in half ponytail with some curly strands at the sides of my face. I have gold pearl drops earrings for my accessories then some gold bangles too.

Trevor handed me a velvet white box. Kinuha ko agad ito sa kamay niya at nakangiting binuksan. It’s a gold chain necklace with angel wings gold pearl pendant.

“This is so beautiful! Thank you!” I rested my head on his shoulder. “Wear it to me…”

Ibinalik ko sa kanya ang kwintas para maisuot niya sa akin. I was smiling and my heart was racing like crazy. Hanggang sa mga sandaling ito, nahihibang pa rin ang puso ko sa kanya. Hindi na siguro ito magbabago.

Hinawakan ko ang pendant. Nakangiti na tinignan ko siya.

Trevor’s eyes have a glimpse of gentleness. Ang isang braso niya ay nakapalibot sa bewang ko.

“Uh, may sasabihin pala ako sa ’yo.”

Matagal ko na itong pinag isipan. Sa araw na ito ko siya sasagutin. Matagal din naman siyang naghintay sa akin. He deserved a proper label from me. Besides, I like him. I can’t see myself not being with him. Siya talaga ang gusto kong maging boyfriend.

“What is it?” His lips on my cheek made me pouted.

“Sinasagot na kita. I think, it’s time for us to have a proper relationship…”

He exhaled a breath of relief. As if he has been waiting for this moment… to hear from me that I am officially his girlfriend and I am finally his.

I didn’t wait for him to kiss me. I turned my head and cupped his jaw with my one palm. I kissed his lips so softly, I could feel my heart beating so wild like the waves from the ocean.

Ipinikit ko ang aking mga mata nang gumalaw ang labi niya para patagalin at palalimin pa ang halikan namin. Sanay na sanay na ako na ginagawa namin ito. But this time, it feels so different. Something has changed the way we kissed each other.

I blushed when his tongue has started to explore my mouth. I had to grip on his forearm for me to stay sane. I know he kissed torrid, like tongue to tongue. I just didn’t expect myself being so affected now. I am already panting and my heart is hyperventilating.

“Mmm…” I moaned softly in between our intense kiss.

Trevor’s hand move to caress my stomach up to my breasts. And while were were kissing, my body feels like burning. My skin is so warm and sensitive because of his caresses.

Hindi ko yata kakayanin kung tatagal pa ang halikan namin. Baka maghangad ako ng sobra pa rito. We need to control ourselves. Our friends were waiting for us.

When we stopped, he rested his lips at the side of mine. But his palm continued to gently massage my boobs. Kinagat ko ang labi ko. Nasasanay na talaga ako na ganito kami.

“I am going to stay for a night…” malamyos ang boses ko.

“Stay with me then.” His voice was very husky, it tickled something in me.

“Are we going to sleep in one bed?”

Hinaplos ko ang panga niya. Katulad niya, namumungay na rin ang aking mga mata. Hindi pa kami nalalapatan ng alak, pero para na kaming nalalasing pareho.

“If you want to.”

“Gusto ko…”

Marahan siyang tumango. Dahan dahan na umakyat ang labi niya sa aking noo.

“Balik na tayo?” aya ko sa kanya.

“Yeah.”

Nang makabalik kami, malapad ang ngiti ng mga kasama namin. Kay Yusef muna ako tumabi dahil alam kong naghihintay siya ng kwento ko.

“What did you guys do?” He sounded nosy.

“Sinagot ko na siya…” I whispered that made him shrieked. “Shh. Secret lang muna. I don’t want anyone to know yet.”

Kalmado siyang tumango.

“Are you going to sleep here, right?” I asked before I sipped on the cocktail.

“Yes. I booked a room for us.”

I pursed my lips. Nahalata niya agad sa akin na may iba akong plano.

“Don’t tell me you’re going to sleep with Trevor?”

“Sana…”

He dramatically massage his temple. “Goodness. Now that your eighteen, madudungisan ka na niya ng tuluyan!”

I cackled. “Hindi naman. We are not going to do that.”

“Talaga ba? Ilang taon kang hinintay ni Trevor. Tingin mo papalagpasin niya ang araw na ’to? Kung kailan nasa legal age ka na.”

“Hindi nga namin gagawin, Yusef. He knows how to control himself.”

“How about you? Can you control yourself? You’re so naughty pa naman.”

“I can control myself. Kung hindi ko kayang kontrolin ang sarili ko, eh di sana hindi na ako virgin.”

“Ikaw, huh!  Kapag ikaw nabuntis buntis. Lagot ka talaga sa daddy mo.”

Napanguso ako. “Buntis agad? Para matutulog lang na magkatabi eh. Bakit si Charlotta at Grego? Palagi ngang natutulog sa iisang cabana.”

“Iba naman sila. Marunong si Grego magtimpi. Si Trevor, baka hindi na makapagtimpi ’yan sa ’yo.”

I sighed. “Huwag kang mag alala sa ’kin, Yusef. Babalitaan nalang kita kapag nakuha niya ako.”

Impit siyang tumili at maarteng tinakpan ang magkabilang tenga gamit ang mga palad niya.

Maya-maya lang ay humila ng upuan si Trevor at itinabi sa akin.

Yusef being understanding, he moved his chair a bit away from me with bitterness.

“Dito ka nalang, Yusef. Baka langgamin ka diyan…” aya sa kanya ni Glenda at agad siyang sumunod.

“What are you drinking?” Trevor asked after he wrapped his arm around my waist.

“I think this is mai tai…” I sipped on it again to taste.

“Let me…” sumimsim siya sa straw ko.

One of the waiters came to serve Trevor’s drink.

“What’s that?”

“Sex on the beach.” Then he winked at me.

I leered with a smile. I placed my palm above his thigh.

“Yusef booked a room for us. But I told him I wanna sleep with you.” I whispered on his ear.

He licked his bottom lip after he sipped on his cocktail.

Inilagay niya ang isang braso sa ibabaw ng inuupuan ko. I simply moved my body closer to his making me feel the side of my breast pressed against his body.

“He’s worried we might end up having sex…” I giggled.

Namungay bigla ang mga mata niya nang tignan niya ako.

“Hindi naman, di ba? We are just going to sleep together.”

He shook his head. “We are not going to do that, Chantria.”

“When are we going to do that then?” I innocently asked.

Masakit siyang napapikit at bahagyang tumingala.

I stroked his thigh. “Never mind. I was just curious. But you know, I like to kiss longer tonight.”

“We will…” his voice was hoarsely.

“What? We will have sex?” I almost whispered.

He chuckled. Then slightly pinched my cheek.

“Baby, I am not here for sex. I just wanna be with you.”

Tumango ako nang agad siyang maintindihan. Why am I even thinking of having sex with him by the way? I just want his kisses and caresses.

Trevor leaned closer until his lips were near my ear.

“I hope my baby will behave tonight…” he whispered sensually that gives me an electrifying sensation somewhere in my body.

“What? I am behave naman.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I just want your kisses, caresses, and hugs. I’m not gonna ask for more.” I said that like a promise I wouldn’t break.

16 ~ TASTE

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

I’m a little bit tipsy already. Some of our friends were now drunk because they were having hard liquor. Beside me is Trevor, I can see that he’s also getting tipsy. His one arm is still above my chair, keeping me in place. While my one hand is slightly stroking his thigh.

“Uuwi na ako…” paalam ni Silvano.

“Sabay ako sa ’yo, Vann.” Dalary looks drunk.

“Huwag na. Baka mahulog ka.”

“Yayakap ako sa ’yo.”

Kanina pa nakaalis si Solaris dito. She doesn’t really like spending time with Silvano’s friends. So I understand her. Her parents are a bit strict too. Kaya hindi na rin siya nagpaabot ng hating gabi rito.

“Sa akin ka na sumabay, Glenda.” Omar said.

“Paano si Dalary?”

“Isabay na natin. Hindi ’yan puwede sa motorsiklo ni Vann. Mahuhulog lang ’yan do’n.”

“I’ll go home too.” Grego stood up.

“Gusto ko kay Vann sumabay. Grabe kayo sa ’kin, huh? Hindi naman ako sobrang lasing.” Reklamo ni Dalary.

“Huwag ka na makulit, Dalary. Iwasan mo na ’yan si Vann. Baka pag awayan na naman nila ni Solaris ang pag angkas mo sa kanya.”

Nagtatalo na sila kung saan sasakay si Dalary. Halata na may gusto siya kay Silvano kahit noon pa. Hindi pa rin siya tumitigil kahit na alam niya naman na si Solaris ang pinili ng kaibigan niya.

“How ’bout you? Hindi ka uuwi?” Grego asked me.

I shook my head. “I’ll stay here. Uuwi ako bukas ng umaga.”

Grego gave Trevor a sharp glare as if he was giving him a warning or doubting his friend.

Trevor laughed a bit. “I’m not gonna do that. Chill, Almendarez.”

“Practice safe sex, huh?” Dalary pointed at me drunkly.

I frowned. “We are not going to sleep together to have sex. Stop that mindset, Dalary.”

Tumawa siya at muntik pang sumubsob sa sahig dahil sa kalasından. Mabuti nalang at nasalo agad ni Glenda.

Silvano and Grego gave me a light embrace as their goodbye. Before they patted Trevor’s shoulder.

“Yusef, are you okay? Lasing ka na?” Tukso ko sa aking kaibigan.

“Hindi pa. Medyo lang.”

Napatingin ako sa lalaking kausap niya kanina pa. He’s belong to this circle of friends but he doesn’t always spend time with us.

“How ’bout you, Zayas? Are you drunk?”

“No. I’m not.” He gave me a small smile held with assurance.

“Are you going home or are you going to stay here?”

“I’m going home soon.”

Pinagmasdan ko ang kaibigan ko na pinipilit nalang maging normal kahit na lasing naman talaga siya.

“Ihahatid ko lang si Yusef sa kama niya.” I told Trevor.

“Pupuntahan ko lang sila…” sabi niya sabay turo sa mga kaibigan niya na naglalakad na papunta sa parking area.

“Yusef, I’ll bring you to your room.” Hinawakan ko ang braso niya at inilagay sa balikat ko.

Maarte siyang tumawa. “Ang sweet naman ng best friend ko. Kahit may boyfriend na, naaalala pa rin ako.”

Napangiwi ako nang mabuwal ang mga tuhod niya at bumalik sa pagkakaupo.

“Are you this drunk, Yusef?” I scowled.

Tumayo na rin si Zayas. “Ako na…” he offered to help.

I stepped aside and allowed him to help my best friend. Marahan na kinuha niya ang braso ni Yusef at ipinatong sa balikat niya. Napasinghap ang kaibigan ko pero wala siyang nagawa dahil talagang natutumba siya.

“Here…” I opened the glass door of the cabana.

“Oh, I don’t want go to bed. I need to take a shower!” Yusef wailed.

Nagmamadali na nauna ako papunta sa bathroom. Sumunod naman sila sa akin.

“Kaya ko na ’to. Makakaalis na kayo. Salamat.” Yusef dismissed us without looking at us.

“Hihintayin kita hanggang sa matapos kang maligo, Yusef.”

“Chantria, okay lang ako. Kailangan ko lang maligo para mahimasmasan ako.”

“Kahit na. I will wait pa rin outside.”

“Bahala ka.”

I closed the door. I gestured Zayas to leave the cabana. Bumalik kami sa lamesa.

“Hindi ka pa uuwi?” Tanong ko sa kanya.

“Okay lang ba talaga si Yusef?”

“Oo. Kapag nakaligo na siya, nawawala naman ang pagkalasing niya.”

Zayas nods his head. “Uuwi na ako kung gano’n.”

“Puwede mo rin siyang hintayin matapos maligo para makapagpaalam ka.”

Tumitig siya sa akin. “Hihintayin ko nalang siya.”

“Hintayin natin…”

I spotted Trevor walking back to us while puffing a cigarette.

Nanliit ang mga mata ko. I know he smokes. But I thought he stopped. Hindi ko na kasi siya nakikitang naninigarilyo. Maybe he smokes whenever I was not around!

“Stop smoking!” I yelled at him.

His gaze drifted on me and his eyes sharpened when he saw Zayas beside me. Bumilis ang mga hakbang niya pagkatapos itapon ang sigarilyo.

“Bakit hindi ka pa umuuwi?” He asked Zayas.

“Hinihintay ko lang si Yusef para makapagpaalam.”

After a while, we heard the glass door opened. Sabay kami ni Zayas lumingon at nakita na nakapangtulog na si Yusef. Maaliwalas na ang itsura.

“I’m sorry for keeping you wait for me.”

“I’m fine. Diyan lang naman kami sa kabilang cabana. Zayas needs to go home. Hinintay ka lang para makapagpaalam ng maayos.”

Yusef tried so hard not to smile. But I know him very well. I can see how his eyes twinkled.

“Zayas, thank you for your time. Ingat ka!” He waved.

“Salamat din.” Zayas smiled. “Aalis na ako.”

Mabilis na tumango-tango si Yusef. “Drive safely!”

Hinatid namin ng tanaw si Zayas. Nang mawala na siya sa paningin ko, impit na tumili si Yusef at pumasok sa cabana.

“Wait here…” I told Trevor who’s now frowning.

Pinasok ko si Yusef at naabutan siyang pagulong-gulong sa kama.

“Hoy! Mag kwento ka!” Kinurot ko ng bahagya ang tagiliran niya.

“Chantria! Feeling ko… may bago akong crush!” He shrieked.

Umupo ako sa gilid ng kama niya. “Ano ang pinag uusapan niyo kanina ni Zayas? Ang arte mo, ha! Pinapanood kita kanina!”

“Ang cute niya, di ba? Ang bango pa!”

I rolled my eyes. “Ano ang pinag usapan niyo kanina?”

“Secret!” Kuminang ang mga mata niya at hindi maawat ang malapad na ngiti.

“Hindi puwedeng secret, Yusef. Gusto ko open tayo sa isa’t isa.”

“Secret muna for now, Chantria. Pag usapan natin ang tungkol dito sa eskwelahan. Sa ngayon, bumalik ka na kay Trevor.”

“Okay. Sabay tayo mag breakfast bukas.”

“Oo. Magkita nalang tayo sa restaurant.”

“Good night!” I embraced him and he did the same back to me.

“Huwag kang bibigay kay Trevor, huh? Lagot ka talaga sa ’kin babae ka!”

I give him a naughty smile which made him rolled his eyes.

Trevor was on his cellphone when I went outside. He put it back inside his pocket when he saw me.

“Tara na.” I snaked my arm on his.

Isang cabana lang ang pagitan namin kay Yusef. Nakarating kami agad. The problem is… I don’t have extra clothes with me. I left my packed bag in my room for this overnight. Dumeretso kasi ako kanina sa sasakyan namin kaya hindi ko na nakuha. I only have my sling bag with me.

“Trevor, wala pala akong damit…”

“I have extra t-shirt.”

“Can I use it?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. I’m gonna take a shower na.”

He handed me a white t-shirt and black shorts.

“Thanks.” I muttered and went inside the shower room.

While I was taking a shower, I realized that I don’t have extra underwear! What am I gonna do? I don’t want to use my panty and bra again.

Tinapos ko ang pagligo. I brushed my teeth and wear the t-shirt and shorts without any underwear. I rolled the towel on my hair. Humugot ako ng hangin sa dibdib bago lumabas.

I caught Trevor on his cellphone again. I think, he was texting somebody.

Nang lumapat ang mga mata niya sa akin, bumaba agad ang mga ito sa bandang dibdib ko. Tapos ay suplado siyang nag iwas ng tingin.

“I’m done. Ikaw naman.”

He stood up and took a steps forward going to where I was standing. Huminto siya nang nasa tapat niya na ako.

“I don’t have underwear.” I pursed my lips.

Mabigat ang paghugot niya ng hangin mula sa kanyang dibdib. He looked tipsy but he’s also gloomy.

“I can see…” his voice was rough.

“I don’t wash clothes and undies.”

“I will do it for you.”

Ngumiti ako sa kanya. “Thank you!”

Umusog ako para makapasok na siya sa shower room. While Trevor was taking a shower, I was drying my hair. I am done and already laying in bed but he’s still inside. Ang tagal niya namang maligo. Inaantok na ako.

My eyelids get heavier and I was half-asleep, but when I heard the opening of the door, I am suddenly not sleepy. Especially when I saw Trevor drying his hair with towel, with only black shorts on. The muscles on his body were getting toned and defined.

“I thought you’re already sleeping.” He muttered.

“I was sleepy but now, I am not anymore. Come…” aya ko sa kanya at tinapik ang espasyo sa tabi ko.

He took another deep breath as if this situation was stressing him out. Hindi ba siya masaya na tabi kami matutulog sa unang pagkakataon?

Dahil kung ako ang tatanungin, masaya ako. Pangarap ko nga ’to eh. Ang matulog na katabi siya. I want his arms wrapped around me. I want his kisses on my cheeks and lips.

My sleepy eyes sparkled as I anticipated him coming to me. And when he sat at the space where he was supposed to lay, I rested my hand on his thigh.

“Ang seryoso naman ng boyfriend ko…” I faked a sad sigh.

Tumingala siya ng bahagya. His adam’s apple bobbled when he swallowed.

Mula sa kanyang hita, pinagapang ko ang aking palad papunta sa tiyan niya. He squirmed a bit because of what I just did.

“Chantria…” there was a warning on his rough tone.

Kinapa ko ang muscles sa tiyan niya at wala siyang magawa kundi ang mapalunok sa masakit na paraan.

“Matulog na tayo. Higa ka na. Please?” lambing ko sa kanya.

Trevor nods his head. Then he exhaled as if he’s in pain.

When he carefully lay beside me, I immediately wrapped my arm on his waist. I smell his scent combined with the shower gel that we both used.

“Aren’t you happy that we are going to sleep together?” My voice was too soft because I am tipsy.

Hinaplos ko ang muscles sa tiyan niya at sa pagkakataon na ito, hinuli niya ang aking kamay.

Sumiksik pa ako lalo sa kanya para maramdaman ang katawan niya sa akin. I want some warm and comfort. I know he can give both to me. I stopped from wiggling when I felt my breasts on the side of his body. Suddenly, I am satisfied.

“Bakit gano’n ang tingin sa ’yo ni Grego kanina?”

“He’s just being protective to you.”

“Bakit naman? Pinagdududahan ka ba niya?”

“Hindi naman. Akala niya siguro kagaya niya ako.” He chuckled.

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing.”

Trevor lay on his side and wrapped his heavy arm around me. My breasts were pressing against his hard chest. I could feel the tingling sensation somewhere in my abdomen.

I tilted my head a bit to give him a peck. But I didn’t expect that he’d claim my lips and make the kiss longer.

Nalalasing na ipinikit ko ang aking mga mata habang marahan kaming naghahalikan. This is really satisfying. I am contented just by kissing him this way. Gustung-gusto ko talaga ang paraan kung paano niya angkinin ang labi ko.

When Trevor’s slid his hand under my t-shirt, my body quivered. I moaned against his mouth when he starts palming my breast and at the same time playing with my nipple using his thumb.

Nakakatunaw ang sensasyon. Pakiramdam ko, lumalala ang pagkalasing ko. Bumabalot ang apoy sa akin at nakapagtataka na hindi masakit ang pagkapaso sa aking balat. I am whimpering while we are kissing because I am too clouded by this sweet sensation.

“Trevor…” I moaned his name when his kisses travelled to my neck.

I lay on my back to give him more access to my body. Namumungay ang aking mga mata habang hinahaplos ang buhok niya. The coldness inside the cabana was felt when he lifted my t-shirt.

“Mmm…” I deliriously whimpered when I felt his hot mouth covered my nipple.

Para akong mawawala sa katinuan. This is the first time that we did this kind of intimacy that’s intense and wild. The electrifying sense of desire is making my arousal build up.

Kagat ko ang aking labi habang dinadama ang marahan na paghalik niya sa paligid ng aking dibdib. He’d kiss my breast, then he’d suck my twin peak. I can feel them getting hard because he sucks really good.

“Trevor…” I gripped on his shoulder when his kisses travelled to my abdomen.

Nakataas na ang t-shirt ko hanggang sa aking leeg. My upper body was very exposed. I see my perky boobs being kissed and sucked.

“What are you doing…” nahihibang na ako.

Trevor gently pulled down the shorts I am wearing. I am not really sure what he’s going to do. Are we going to have sex? Am I ready? Do I really want this?

“I just wanna taste you…” his voice was very raspy, it tickled my veins.

Pumikit ako at napahawak sa balikat niya nang tuluyan niya akong mahubaran. Tila ako nalulunod sa ligaya at hindi ko ito kayang panghawakan kung wala siya. My fingers were trembling while he was kissing my legs down to my toes… then up to my thighs.

I gasped in delight when I felt the cold air hitting my private part. I wasn’t sure if it was from the air-conditioning or from his minty breath. I just know that his lips were very close to my femininity.

“Baby, please stop me if you’re not comfortable, hmm?” His tone was too sensual.

I nodded my head. I don’t think I have the courage to stop him from pleasing me. My body is already burning hot. I have this urge to release something building inside of me.

“Trevor…” I moaned his name when I felt his gentle kisses on my flesh.

17 ~ MISS

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

“Are you still a virgin?” Yusef asked with doubt.

We are having our breakfast here at the restaurant. I left Trevor in our cabana because he doesn’t wanna get up yet. I didn’t force him to come with me though. I want some time alone with my friend.

My cheeks heated when I remembered what happened between me and Trevor. It was wild enough it made me blushed so hard.

“Virgin pa ako.”

We didn’t have sex. And I am genuinely relieved.

I admired Trevor’s self-restraint. After he did that to me, he stopped. Even though he was very erect that it pained him, he still didn’t do it to me. He just took another cold shower before we fell asleep.

“That’s good to know, Chantria. You just turned eighteen. Mabuti nalang at walang nangyari sa inyo.”

“Pero may nangyari na higit pa sa halikan…”

Naubo siya bigla. He sipped on his orange juice to make him feel better.

“Well, I don’t wanna know the details about it, girl. It makes me cringe. Lalo at kaibigan kita at pinsan ko siya.”

Wala naman akong balak sabihin kay Yusef ang ginawa namin ni Trevor. This is a private matter between me and my boyfriend.

“By the way, sinagot ko na pala siya. Naaalala mo ba? Sinabi ko sa ’yo kagabi.”

“I know and I remember it. Paano na pala ’yan? Hindi mo siya dadalhin sa inyo dahil ayaw naman sa kanya ng daddy mo? Hindi ka rin suportado ng mommy mo.”

I shrugged my shoulders.

“I will keep our relationship as a secret. Just because my parents didn’t like him, it doesn’t mean I’d stop seeing him.”

“Gusto mo na ba siya?”

I like Trevor Monterell. There’s no doubt on that. I have learned to appreciate him by getting to know him better. I realized that he was not really the person that other people think he was. He is known for being a playboy and rebellious. But when we started dating, he changed. I knew it because I was with him along the way. I witnessed his hard works just to make money. I saw his pain and struggles just to survive daily.

Wala akong makitang dahilan ngayon kung bakit hindi ko magugustuhan ang katulad niya. He is not perfect, he has flaws, but that made him a better version of himself.

Gusto ko rin ang pagiging maalaga niya sa akin. He’s very caring and thoughtful. Malambing din siya sa akin lalo na kapag kaming dalawa lang. He doesn’t show that side of him when we are in front of other people. I am the only one who knows his sweet side.

“I like him enough that I am willing to fight for him.” I said with sincerity.

I think, this is not love yet. I just admire him because I got to know who he really is.

Yusef controlled his scream. “Did you tell him that you like him?”

I shook my head. “I did not. I don’t think I need to say it. Nararamdaman niya naman siguro.”

“Maganda ka oo. Pero ano ba ang pinakain mo diyan kay Trevor? Biglang naging seryoso sa babae. Playboy ’yan dati eh.”

“Magaling kasi akong humalik kaya hindi na siya naghanap ng iba.” I confidently sipped on my orange juice.

“Totoo? Magaling din daw humalik ’yang pinsan ko na ’yan.”

“Oo. Magaling siya. Natuto nga ako sa kanya.”

“As in tongue to tongue kapag naghahalikan kayo?” Yusef is so cute being this curious.

“Yes.”

He dramatically covered his face with his palms. “Kailan kaya ako mahahalikan?”

“Mag girlfriend ka na kasi.”

“Ew! Ikaw at si Charlotta lang ang babae na gusto ko. Nandidiri na ako sa iba!”

Humalakhak ako. “What if maging friend mo rin si Zayas? Would you like it?”

Lumapad ang ngisi niya. “We were texting last night. I waited for him to get home.”

I covered my mouth with my hand to stop myself from screaming.

“You are so flirt! And what did you guys talk about?”

“He invited me for coffee. Magkikita kami mamayang hapon.”

“Update me, ha? Baka siya na ang para sa ’yo.”

“I don’t want to assume. I want it slow. Friends muna…”

We got interrupted when Yusef pointed my back using his lips. I then realized Trevor was coming. I shifted on my sit.

“Good morning.” He greeted huskily and kissed the top of my head.

Lumapit siya kay Yusef para magyakap sila sa marahan na paraan bilang normal na pagbati.

“Good morning!” I smiled at him.

He pulled the chair beside me. He still looked sleepy though. Namumungay ang mga mata niya. He’s wearing the same white t-shirt I wore last night. The sleeves hugged his biceps. Palagi talagang naagaw ng pansin ko ang mga braso niya. Habang tumatagal, lumalaki ang katawan niya.

The waitress came to get his order. He will have a classic French toast and tea.

“Are you going to your mom’s birthday party?” Yusef opened a conversation.

“I am not sure.”

“Tita Theora will be happy to see you there.”

“I might just go the day before to greet her.”

Hinawakan ko ang kamay ni Trevor na nasa ibabaw ng lamesa. Gusto ko sana siyang kumbinsihin na magpunta sa party para makasama niya ang mommy niya. Hindi naman kasi siya palagi umuuwi sa kanila.

“Why don’t you go? Kahit sandali ka lang do’n. It’s your mom special day. Make her happy.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Nagkatinginan kami ni Yusef. He mouthed at me to convince Trevor more.

I squeezed my boyfriend’s hand. “Baby… if I were you, I’ll go. For sure your mom misses you.”

Trevor swallowed hard. Nang tignan niya ako, nanliliit ang mga mata niya. Na para bang may nakakairita sa akin ngunit naaaliw din siya.

“Isama mo si Chantria.” Yusef suggested.

Pinanlakihan ko siya ng mga mata. Hindi naman ito ang intensyon ko. Kahit hindi ako isama ni Trevor, ayos lang sa akin. I just want him to spend time with his mother.

Dumating ang breakfast ni Trevor kaya naputol ang usapan namin. We continued eating. And when we finished, we went back to our cabana. I checked my unread messages.

Soledad:

Chantria, nasaan ka na? Sana ay makauwi ka bago umalis ang magulang mo papunta sa Maynila.

Yusef:

I forgot to tell you that I’m coming to Tita Theora’s birthday party. Sana isama ka ni Trevor.

Mommy:

Anak, can go back here before we leave?

I took a breath. I didn’t reply to any messages. Mamaya ko nalang gagawin. I need to prepare to leave. Magpapahatid nalang ako kay Trevor.

“Ngayon pala ang flight nila mommy papunta sa Maynila. Hindi na naman ako makakasama dahil may pasok…” kwento ko sa kanya.

Lumapit siya sa akin at tumabi. We are now sitting at the edge of the bed, facing the open glass door with ocean view in front of us.

“What did your father tell you last night?” He’s a bit curious.

“I was disrespectful. Hindi niya ako pinayagan na magpunta dito. Nagpumilit lang ako. Hindi niya na naman ako napigilan dahil sinaway na siya ni mommy.”

Inihilig ko ang aking ulo sa kanyang balikat. Kinuha ko rin ang kamay niya, pinagsiklop ko ang mga daliri namin at inilapag sa kandungan ko.

“I want your relationship to be a secret. I won’t tell this to my parents. Pasensya na kung hindi pa kita maipapakilala sa kanila. This is not a good time. Magkaaway kami ni daddy.”

“Naiintindihan ko.”

Ayokong sabihin sa kanya na ayaw sa kanya ng magulang ko. Na may galit sa kanya o sa mga Monterell ang daddy ko. I don’t want him to feel that my parents didn’t like him. Hindi na nga niya kasundo ang tatay niya, pati ang tatay ko, ayaw din sa kanya.

“I will introduce you to my mom…” he whispered against the top of my head.

Sumugat ang maliit na ngiti sa labi ko. I didn’t ask him to do this, but I am happy because he considered introducing me to his mother. It made me feel special. Marahil ay seryoso nga talaga siya sa akin.

“Magpupunta ka na sa birthday party niya?”

“Kung sasama ka, oo. If not, I’d rather work in azucarera.”

“Sasama ako para makasama mo ang mommy mo.”

Pagkatapos namin mag usap, lumabas na kami sa cabana namin. We went straight to the parking lot to ride his motorcycle. Katulad ng palagi, sa labas ng gate lang ako nagpapahatid kay Trevor.

I kissed his lips as my goodbye. I waved at him as I watched him fading away from my sight.

“Is that Trevor Monterell?” My father’s voice was cold.

Hindi ko sana siya sasagutin kaya lang ayokong mag away ulit kami.

“Yes.”

“Were you with him all night?!”

“Kasama po namin ang mga kaibigan niya. I was with Yusef too.”

“Soledad, Tonya, siguraduhin niyo na pagkatapos ng eskwela, deretso dito si Chantria. Hindi puwedeng kung saan saan na naman ’to magpapalipas ng oras at gabi na naman uuwi!” Mahigpit na bilin niya sa mga kasambahay namin.

“Masusunod po, sir Henrich.”

Hindi ako nagsalita. Hindi rin nagreklamo. Sa ngayon, ang boses ko ay walang bigat. Hanggat nandito ako sa poder ng aking magulang, wala akong karapatan na suwayin sila. I was just lucky last night because it was my birthday. Hinayaan nila akong gawin ang gusto ko kahit na nagkasagutan kami ni daddy.

“Mom, ingat po kayo. Call me, ha? Please update me.” Niyakap ko si mommy.

Her tears were forming her eyes. Hinaplos niya ang buhok ko.

“Anak, puwede kang umalis. ’Wag ka lang magpapagabi ng husto dahil nag aalala ako. At please, magpasundo ka kay Delfino. ’Wag kang masanay na sumakay sa motorsiklo. Delikado at maalikabok ang daan.” Sabi niya sa akin, kasalungat ng gustong mangyari ni daddy.

“Okay lang, mommy. Marami rin po kaming activities sa school. Wala po akong sapat na oras para gumala.”

Hinatid ko sila sa sasakyan namin na magdadala sa kanila sa airport. I took a shower when I got to my bedroom. I have nothing to do for the rest of the day. I just video call with Yusef and some classmates to talk about our assignments and so on.

Dalawang linggo na ang nakalipas ngunit hindi pa rin bumabalik ang magulang ko. Though I have a constant communication with my mother, I still missed her. She told me that she’s doing a therapy. That’s why they cannot go back yet.

Hindi na rin ako nakakapunta sa bahay nila tita Safira. Sa eskwelahan kami nagkikita ni Trevor. He’s also very busy these days because he’s a graduating student. He doesn’t tell me about his studies much but I heard from Yusef that Trevor was aiming to get the high latin honor of his batch.

I want him to achieve that milestone. I will be very proud of him Because I know that he has been working hard in azucarera so that he has money to support himself. This is also the reason why I didn’t bother him when I know he was busy with his studies. I don’t wanna be a toxic girlfriend. I’d rather have him feel that I am supportive and he can always count on me.

Humanap ako ng paraan para makapunta sa birthday party ni Theora Monterell. I told Soledad that I need to go to Yusef’s house for our school activities.

When I am already at Yusef’s house, I changed my clothes. Sa kanila ako sasabay papunta sa mansyon nila Trevor. Doon kasi gaganapin ang party.

“Ang ganda! Nakakainis!” Yusef was amazed.

I am wearing a silk mini dress in champagne color. The cut on the chest showed a bit of my cleavage. I paired it with ankle high heels sandals. I also have my evening clutch purse with me. I don’t really put make up because we don’t have time.

Yusef is on his beige dress shirt, black slacks, and leather shoes. He smells good too.

I snaked my arm on his. Agad niyang inalis ang braso ko sa nandidiring paraan.

“I don’t want your boobs near me. Disgusting!” He scowled.

Sumimangot ako. “Ang arte mo naman! Kay Trevor nalang ako kakapit mamaya.”

“Siguradong gustung-gusto niya ’yan na didikit ang boobs mo sa kanya.”

“Alam ko.” Pilya akong ngumisi.

Hindi maipinta ang mukha niya. “Nahawakan niya na ba ’yan?” Sabay nguso niya sa dibdib ko.

“Oo. Palagi niya ngang nilalagyan ng kiss mark.”

“Nadungisan ka na niya!”

“Pero virgin pa ako.”

“Hindi na ako magtataka kung isang araw, hindi ka na virgin. Kung anu-ano pala ang ginagawa niyo ni Trevor.”

Humagikhik ako. We are not very active now with our physical touch because aside from we are both busy, we didn’t have privacy to do it. Namimiss ko na ang halikan namin.

We travelled to Monterell’s mansion using Constalles’ high-end van with Yusef’s parents.

“Akala ko pa naman kayo na…” pabirong sabi ni tito Elias, na siyang kasalukuyang Mayor sa La Carlota.

Yusef grimaced. “Si Trevor po ang boyfriend ni Chantria.”

“Talaga, dear?” Tita Yetta sounds surprised.

“Uh, opo. Boyfriend ko po siya.”

“And what your parents told you about it?”

“For some reason, my dad doesn’t like Monterells.”

Tito Elias smirked. “Ang lalim naman ng sugat ni Henrich.”

“Po?”

“Don’t mind your tito Elias.” Tita Yetta told me.

Nang makarating kami sa mansyon ng mga Monterell. Nabighani ako dahil di hamak na mas malaki ito kumpara sa amin. Napalibutan ng maraming ilaw na dilaw ang malawak na hardin. Dito ginaganap ang selebrasyon ng kaarawan ng kasalukuyang asawa ng Congressman.

Napatingin agad sa amin ang mga bisita dahil kasama namin ang Mayor. Agad akong hinila ni Yusef palayo sa mga tao.

“Dito nalang tayo. Ayokong makipag plastikan.” Yusef mumbled.

We occupied the table that is located at the corner. Away from the guests. I roamed my eyes around to see where Trevor is. Ang sabi niya nandito na siya.

“Nasaan kaya ang boyfriend ko?”

“Nandiyan lang ’yon. Tell him that we are here na. Wait, ha, I’m gonna get some drinks.” Yusef left me and walked towards the bar.

I have no time to admire the mansion, I am focused to look for Trevor. Behind me, I didn’t realize it was the entrance going inside. Nang lingunin ko, nakita ko si Trevor na may kausap na babae.

“Ladies and gentlemen, let’s give her applause… our birthday celebrant, the kind-hearted and beautiful, Theora Monterell!” The host announced which made all the guests clapped their hands.

I stood up to clap as well. Suddenly, I felt a familiar arm that wrapped my waist. Nilingon ko si Trevor sa tabi ko. Hinawakan niya ang mga kamay ko at ibinaba para hindi ako pumalakpak.

“Hey, I’ve been waiting for you.” I turned my body and cupped his jaw.

He’s wearing a white long sleeves and dark pants. While the guests are formal and elegant, the son of our Congressman is very casual. Kahit na ganito ang suot niya, iba pa rin talaga ang hatak niya… ang hangin na nakapalibot sa kanya ay sumisigaw ng kanyang kakayahan na mabuhay malayo sa karangyaan na nakagisnan.

“I miss you…” he whispered sensually in my ear.

Ang kamay niya ay marahan na hinahaplos ang bewang ko. Ramdam ko ang pagkamiss niya sa akin at ang munting pananabik.

“Let’s call the attention of the son and daughter of our beloved celebrant, Trevor and Tracy! Please join your parents here on the stage!” I heard the enthusiasm from the host.

Trevor growled. “I don’t have time for that shit. Come…” he grabbed my hand and we walked inside the mansion.

“Where are we going?” I innocently asked as we reached the grand staircase.

“I’ll show you my room here.” He smirked mischievously.

Maybe, it was just me who thinks that he won’t only show his room to me. We’d do something else. I am excited to have some privacy with him because I missed him so bad. I missed his kisses and caresses.

18 ~ PREGNANT

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

After Trevor introduced me to his mother, she asked us if we can have a privacy to talk. Sumama kami sa kanya sa likod ng mansyon kung saan hindi na maririnig pa ang pagdiriwang na nagaganap.

Hinarap kami ni tita Theora. She is very elegant with her French twist hair and a gold evening gown. Her red lipsticks made her looked like antagonist. But when she smiles at me, her face brightened.

“I’ve been waiting for you, hija. I’m glad Trevor finally introduced me to you.”

Does she know about me? Does she know about us? How come?

“I am honor to meet you, tita.”

Tumitig siya sa akin. Tila ba maingat niyang pinag aaralan ang aking mukha.

“You looked like your mom. Even your skin, you got it from Rafa.”

Namamangha pa rin ako na kilala niya ang magulang ko. I know that we are kinda popular here in La Carlota, I just didn’t expect that the wife of a Congressman knows my parents. Wala akong maalala na nakasalumuha ko sila kahit no’ng bata palang ako. Hindi rin kasi mahilig sila mommy na magpunta sa mga party lalo at kasama ang mga politiko.

Trevor is standing beside me. His one hand holding a glass of liquor, the other one is on my waist.

“Kilala mo po ang mommy ko?” I can’t hide my amazement.

“Yes. We were batch mate in Manila. We moved here in La Carlota when we met our husbands.”

Hindi ito nabanggit sa akin ni mommy. Magkakilala pala sila dati pa, pero bakit kaya galit si daddy sa mga Monterell? Can I ask tita Theora about this? Does she know the reason though?

“How ’bout my dad? Kilala mo rin po ba?”

Her warm smile faded. She sipped on her wineglass.

“I know Henrich as I know Rafa.”

“Bakit po hindi na kayo nagkikita ni mommy?”

Umiling siya. “May kanya kanya na kaming buhay at pamilya. Wala rin panahon para makipagkita sa mga dating kaibigan.”

I nodded my head. Pakiramdam ko, kahit magtanong ako sa kanya kung bakit galit si daddy sa kanila, wala rin akong makukuhang sagot galing sa kanya.

“Trevor, son, when are you going back here? Bakit pinapahirapan mo pa ang sarili mo sa pagtatrabaho sa azucarera ng mga Almendarez?”

“I’m fine, mom. This is the life I want.”

Tita Theora heaved a dramatic sigh. “What are your plans after you graduate?”

“Find a job. It’s either in Bacolod or Manila.”

“Why don’t you run as Vice Mayor muna? Then Congressman after?”

Trevor shook his head in dismay. “I will never enter politics, mom.”

“Your father can help you win.”

“I don’t need his help.”

“Paano ba ’yan? Do you think you can easily find a job after you graduate? How are you going to support yourself and Chantria? Are you going to exhaust yourself from working in azucarera? Until when are you going to do that, anak?”

“Huwag mo na po akong isipin. Alam ko po ang mga ginagawa ko.”

Trevor’s hand on my waist tightened a bit. I am not sure what he wants. But I feel like he wanted us to leave. But I cannot just butt in. It was rude.

“Trevor, anak mayaman itong girlfriend. Hindi puwedeng kung saan saan mo lang siya dadalhin o patutuluyin. Paano kung mabuntis mo si Chantria? How will you support her and the baby when you cannot even support yourself?”

I understand tita Theora’s sentiments. She’s a mother, I bet she knows what’s best for her child. But she thinks in advance. Bakit dumating na sa punto na mabubuntis ako? We’ve just started our relationship. We also didn’t engage in premarital sex.

“Hindi naman po ako mabubuntis, tita. Wala pa po sa isip namin ni Trevor ang ganyan.”

Pero kanina sa kwarto niya, muntik na may mangyari sa amin! Mabuti nalang at napigilan ni Trevor ang sarili niya. Dahil kung hindi, bibigay na talaga ako. Especially after he did that to me again… he kissed my private part.

Napahawak ako sa braso ni Trevor nang biglang maisip ang nangyari sa amin kanina lang. I noticed him looking at me, but I stayed my attention to his mother in front of us.

“Hija, I know this is not really appropriate to talk about now, but please, don’t engage yet in premarital sex. You’re very young for that. Your parents wouldn’t like it.”

While she was talking, Trevor was frowning, and my face was heating up.

“Uh, we won’t do it po, tita.” I assured her.

“Don’t get pregnant, huh? I want you to finish your study first.”

I nodded my head. “I will finish my study po.”

Nakahinga kami ako ng maluwag nang magpaalam na sa amin si tita Theora at bumalik na sa mga bisita. Naglakad pa muna kami ni Trevor sa hardin habang magkahawak ang kamay namin.

“Hindi pa naman natin gagawin ’yon, di ba?”

“Hindi.”

“Pero nakakakaba pala kapag nabuntis ng hindi inaasahan. I just realized it.”

He leaned to kiss the side of my head. “Bawal ka pang mabuntis.”

“Alam ko. Hindi mo naman siguro ako bubuntisin agad?”

“I’m not gonna do that now. I need to finish my degree first, pass the board exam, find a decent job, build my career, and make money. Once I am already financially stabled, that’s when I can only make you pregnant…”

It sounded like he already planned his dreams and goals. I am delighted because I am part of it. Kasama ako sa mga plano niya sa buhay. Pakiramdam ko tuloy, wala na siyang balak na pakawalan pa ako.

“And by that time, I already finished my college. And maybe I am already working in Alcander Homes…”

Ang sarap palang mangarap nang mga gusto kong mangyari sa hinaharap. This is only dreamy because I picture myself reaching all my goals with Trevor beside me. Sabay namin na tutuparin ang mga pangarap namin, hawak kamay na lalaban sa mga pagsubok sa buhay, at sabay na dadamhin ang aming tagumpay.

Iginuhit ko sa aking isip ang magiging buhay ko na kasama siya. Na sa bawat araw na naglalakad ako papunta sa mga pangarap ko, nasa tabi ko siya. Sa bawat malubak na daan, nariyan siya para alalayan ako. At sa tuwing madadapa ako, palagi niyang ibibigay ang kamay niya para ako’y makaahon. Pero ang mga imahe na ito sa isip ko ay unti-unting lumalabo…

My hands were shaking when I saw the two red lines forming in my pregnancy kit.

Mariin akong pumikit. Pati ang kalamnan ko ay nanginginig. Halos masuka ako sa tindi ng kalabog ng aking puso. Wala akong mapagsabihan man lang nang nangyayari sa akin ngayon. Lahat ng kaibigan ko, abala sa mga buhay nila at pamilya.

The day that Trevor graduated—who bagged the highest latin honor, we made love for the very first time. I gave myself to him wholeheartedly because I am in love with him.

“Reva Chantria? Handa na ba ang mga gamit mo?” I heard Soledad outside my bedroom.

I keep the pregnancy kit in my bag. I wiped my tears and hurriedly opened the door.

“Hinahanda ko palang. Sila mommy?”

“Nakahanda na ang mga gamit nila. Tawagin mo kami kung ibababa na ang mga maleta mo.”

I nodded my head and closed the door. I need to see Trevor. Pero galit ako sa kanya!

Nanghihina na napaupo ako sa kama ko. Kaya marahil mainit ang dugo ko sa kanya palagi ay dahil naglilihi na ako. I became moody and short tempered. Ilang araw na kaming hindi nagkikita dahil ayoko. Iritang-irita ako sa kanya na umaabot pa sa umiiyak na ako.

I massaged my head with my hand.

We are going to move to California. That’s where my mother will do her liver transplant. Kung hindi niya ito magagawa sa madaling panahon, tuluyan siyang mawawala sa amin. Hindi nila ako puwedeng iwan dito dahil kailangan ako ni mommy doon. My father will only stay for a while, then he will go back here to continue his business.

Kung pati si daddy ay nasa America, mawawalan siya nang pagkakakitaan. Alcander Homes need him. I have no choice but to be with my mother even if this decision is painful to me.

Trevor doesn’t know yet that I will leave. I am hesitant to tell him. I am afraid he’d break up with me. It scared me to know that he won’t like a long distance relationship. I’d rather keep this from him… besides, we will be back after mom’s transplant.

Ngayon lang ako natakot na pag usapan namin ni Trevor ang isang bagay. Hindi ako handa na iwan siya pero mas lalong hindi ako handa rito sa ipinagbubuntis ko.

Sumakit ang ulo sa kakaisip kaya nakaidlip ako. Nagising lang nang may sunud sunod na katok akong narinig. Mabigat ang katawan ko nang bumangon.

“Chantria, delayed ang flight niyo. Kung may plano kang umalis ngayon para magpaalam sa mga kaibigan mo, gawin mo na.” Soledad informed me.

Tamang-tama may usapan kaming magkakaibigan na magkikita kita sa Playa Azure. Sa katunayan nga niyan ay naroon na ang iba. Pupunta nalang ako para makausap ko rin sina Yusef at Charlotta.

I changed my clothes and fixed my hair. I didn’t spray my perfume because it makes me dizzy. When I’m done, I told Delfino to drive me going to Playa Azure. I didn’t reply to all Trevor’s messages. I have been ignoring him. Nakakapagtaka na kaya ko siyang tiisin ngayon.

Trevor:

Baby, what’s wrong with you?

Trevor:

Can we meet? We need to talk. You are driving me nuts.

Trevor:

Chantria, please, reply. If you don’t, I will go to your house.

Sa dami ng messages niya, dito lang ako napilitan na mag reply.

Chantria:

I’m on my way now to Playa Azure.

He seen my message right away.

Trevor:

I will go there then. I miss you.

I leered and didn’t reply. I put back my iPhone inside my bag.

Nakapikit ako habang umaandar ang sasakyan dahil nahihilo ako. Parang hindi pa rin lubos na natatanggap ng isip ko na buntis ako. Hindi ako makapaniwala. Kung kailan aalis kami, ngayon pa talaga ako nabuntis!

My friends were already in cabana when I arrived.

When Trevor saw me, he immediately pulled a chair near me, sit on it, and face me. He jailed my knees with his legs. Then hold my hands that placed above my lap.

Hindi ako makatingin sa kanya ng deretso. Ngayon lang ako naglihim sa kanya ng ganito. Pati ang pagpunta ko sa America, hindi niya alam.

“What’s happening, hmm?” His gentle voice hurts me.

I had to silently took a deep breath. Wala pa man ay namumuo na ang luha sa aking mga mata. I can’t really say anything to him right now. I am not sure what really stopping me. But my heart is breaking while I was staring back t him.

Namumungay ang mga mata niya. Animo nahihirapan siya sa ginagawa kong trato sa kanya.

“Ilang araw mo na akong inaaway. Anong problema? Pag usapan natin, please?” Alo niya sa akin.

All his attention is on me. Halatang wala siyang pakialam sa mga nakapaligid sa amin. All that he wants is for me to talk to him.

Using his thumb, he caresses my cheek.

“Why are you punishing me like this?” He whispered roughly.

Pilit niyang hinuhuli ang mailap kong mga mata.

Puwede bang dito nalang ako sa kanya? Puwede bang huwag nalang akong sumama kila mommy? Puwede bang huwag nalang kaming maghiwalay?

Kinagat ko ang loob ng aking pisngi nang maramdaman ang hapdi na sumusugat sa aking puso.

Ngayon ko unti-unting natatanto na madudurog ako ng husto kapag nagkahiwalay kami. Pakiramdam ko, magiging buo lang ako kapag nasa piling niya na ulit. Ilang buwan ang titiisin ko na hindi siya makakasama? Mahahawakan? Mahahalikan at mayayakap?

My tears threatened my eyes.

“Baby… please, talk to me…” nagmamakaawa siya.

Pinagbigyan ko ang sarili ko na tignan siya. His eyes have a glimpse of longing, pain, and frustration all at once. Hindi niya winawala ang titig sa akin na animo may takot na ilan pang sandali ay mawala ako sa paningin niya.

I feel sorry for him… for us. But I don’t know what to do anymore. Pagod na pagod na akong mag isip ng mga problema ko. Mula sa kalagayan ni mommy, sa pagtataksil ni daddy, at sa sitwasyon ko ngayon. Gusto ko nang matapos lahat ng ito. Gusto kong gumising isang araw na wala na ang bigat sa dibdib ko na araw-araw kong dala.

Nasasaktan ako para sa amin ni Trevor. He doesn’t deserve this pain. But how about me? Do I deserve this burden? Magiging madali lang sana ang lahat sa akin kung maayos lang sana ang pamilya ko… kung wala sana kaming problema. Pagod na pagod na ako sa lahat ng ito.

“A-ayoko na…” I whispered painfully.

Nakita ko ang pagkabigla niya. Napaahon siya ng bahagya. The way he hold my hand tightened as if he doesn’t wanna let me go.

“Trevor, I don’t want this anymore.” I looked at him with my tears almost blurring my vision.

Umiling siya. Alam kong hindi niya ito tatanggapin ng ganito nalang kadali.

“Please, don’t say that. We can talk about your problems. Just don’t say that, Chantria.”

Inalis ko ang kamay niya na nakahawak sa akin. His lips parted at what I did.

“I’m s-sorry…” My voice trembled.

Masakit siyang napapikit.

I get that chance to stand up and slowly walked away from him. He didn’t stop me.

Pigil na pigil ko ang paghikbi nang naglakad ako papunta sa dalampasigan. I gripped on my chest when I felt like my heart was tearing apart.

Kasabay ng alon na humalik sa aking mga paa, ay ang tuluyang pagbagsak ng aking mga luha.

19 ~ GIFT

CHAPTER NINETEEN

I was smiling while watching Trevor on the stage, he’s doing his speech as the Summa Cum Laude of his batch. I am truly proud of him because I witnessed his hard works so that he can support his studies. All his hardships have paid off.

“… it didn’t only take a burning dedication and courage to keep moving forward despite the struggles, I had to live with the silence of hardships, breath with it, and carry the weight on my shoulders regardless of how painful I could get from it. Being a working student didn’t only teach me the value of time, it also taught me to appreciate those people who do heavy labour to make money to live…”

All the students, teachers, and visitors gave him a round of applause.

“… and like every students, I also have inspiration…” he paused when the students giggled and shrieked.

Trevor’s eyes squinted and I see that he’s suppressing a damn smile.

I was standing behind all the students and parents. I am just a visitor here who is excited to witness my schoolmates graduate. Also I wanna support Trevor. I really woke up early so that I won’t be late. I didn’t want to miss watching him reaching this milestone.

“Sino?” I heard girls asked in delight.

“Kilala namin ’yan!” Glenda and Dalary yelled.

Trevor chuckled and it echoed around. I blushed for some reason. Even the sounds of his chuckles gave my stomach a flying butterflies.

“I have learned the importance of having somebody by my side not only to support me, but to let me know that I am not alone in this rocky journey. To the girl that has been giving me inspiration, I just want you to know that no matter how wavy the ocean would get, I’d always hold your hand like how you grip on mine.”

The students clapped, giggles, and some boys are whistling.

When Trevor looked up, he effortlessly found me despite of the huge numbers of people around. He then gave me a mischievous smirk. Which made me blushed again.

After the graduation ceremony, everybody get busy chatting, with the greetings and taking pictures. I made my way to Trevor. At kahit na padaan-daan ang mga tao sa paligid, mabilis namin natagpuan ang isa’t isa.

“Congratulations with your achievements, handsome!” I embraced him sweetly.

Hinapit niya ako sa bewang at hinalikan ang ibabaw ng ulo.

“Thank you. Your presence here means so much to me.”

“Ikaw pa ba?” Medyo lumayo ako sa kanya para makita ko siya. “I really woke up early today for you. I didn’t wanna miss this moment. I am very proud with my boyfriend. Ang gwapo na, matalino pa!”

Natawa siya at muli akong dinala sa dibdib niya para lang yakapin pa lalo.

“Ang lambing talaga ng dalawang ’to! Mamaya na kayo magyakapan! Group picture muna tayo!” Glenda interrupted us and ready her camera.

Trevor placed his lips above my head while I was smiling for the photo.

“Kami rin, please?” I gave Glenda my iPhone.

Trevor didn’t change his position. His lips stayed above my head while his one arm is wrapped around my waist. I rested the side of my face on his chest and placed my palm near it too.

Hindi tumanggi si Trevor nang mag aya ang magulang niya na kumain ng lunch. We are now inside a Fortuner while his parents are on another car with some security.

Inihilig ko ang ulo ko sa dibdib ni Trevor. Ang isang braso niya ay nakaakbay sa akin.

“I can stay for a night…” I whispered.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Nagpaalam ako. Alam mo na, kasama si Yusef kaya pumayag sila mommy. But I’ll stay with you.”

We had a casual lunch with Trevor’s parents. His parents asked him what are his plans now that he finished college. Trevor’s decision didn’t change. He would find a job in Bacolod. Hindi na muna sa Maynila dahil ayokong malayo sa kanya.

Nagpunta muna kami sa bahay nila tita Safira bago sa Playa Azure. We have an intimate celebration here as well because Silvano also bagged highest latin honor.

While Trevor is taking a shower, I am laying on his bed and chatting with Yusef.

Chantria:

I will stay with Trevor tonight.

Yusef:

Nawiwili ka na kasama matulog ’yan si Trevor, huh!

Chantria:

Boyfriend ko naman siya.

Yusef:

Palagi akong nag aalala sa ’yo dahil ayokong mabuntis ka ng maaga, Chantria.

I rolled on the bed.

Chantria:

Hindi ako mabubuntis. Wala pa ngang nangyayari sa amin.

Yusef:

Dapat mag condom siya!

I can’t help but to feel my face turning red.

I don’t want to think about this. I honestly no plan to have sex with him yet. Pero minsan, kapag sobra na akong nalulugod sa ginagawa sa akin ni Trevor, tila ba gusto kong maranasan kung paano ba talaga nangyayari ang gano’n. I am curious. Mabuti nalang talaga at sobrang galing mag kontrol ng boyfriend ko.

Chantria:

Ayokong sabihin sa kanya na dapat may condom siya. Baka isipin niya gusto kong makipag sex.

Yusef:

Sabagay. Alam niya naman siguro ang gagawin.

Chantria:

For sure. So, I won’t worry now about it. See you later.

Yusef:

I am on my way to Playa Azure. See you!

Nang makalabas si Trevor sa shower room, agad siyang pumaibabaw sa akin. His scent is always intoxicating me. Hinaplos ko agad ang panga niya habang magkatitigan kami.

“You always smells good.” I said, feeling a bit warm for some reason.

“You too…” sabay baba ng mukha niya sa aking leeg, kaya medyo nakiliti ako.

I chewed my lips when he starts to kiss my neck.

“You smell like a soft petals during sunrise… inviting… enchanting…” he whispered gently against my skin.

Nang bumaba ang mga halik niya sa ibabaw ng dibdib ko, para akong nauubusan ng lakas.

I am wearing a bluish sweetheart neckline dress, which made it easier for him to reach my cleavage. Isang dampi palang ng halik niya sa aking balat, gusto ko nang mapadaing.

“Trevor…” malamyos na tawag pansin ko sa kanya.

“Hmm?” He looked up on me, eyes were dilated with a familiar desire.

Hindi nakatulong sa akin na wala siyang pang itaas. I can easily caress his arm and felt his body on mine.

“We need to go to Playa Azure.”

He pursed his lips. “Right…”

Nakangiti na hinaplos ko ulit ang panga niya. “Mamaya nalang sa cabana.”

He leaned closer and kissed the tip of my nose.

“Don’t get drunk tonight. I might lose my control.”

“Let’s celebrate! I wanna get drunk.”

“No. You’re not going to do that, Chantria.”

Ngumuso ako. “Ayaw mo no’n? Lasing ako at walang energy para kulitin ka.”

His head tilted a bit, he’s taunting me with his eyes being sarcastic.

“Mas makulit ka kapag nalapatan ka ng alak. You always forced me to kiss and caress you.”

Hindi ko maiwasan ang apoy na sumaboy sa aking mukha.

“Like this…” he cupped my breast and squeeze gently.

“My boobs get bigger I think.”

“Hmm…”

I looked down and see my cleavage really popping out.

“Is it true kaya? When you always massage my breasts, they might get bigger.”

“Baby, you always have these perky boobs ever since I’ve met you.”

“Kahit no’ng sixteen palang ako?”

“Yeah.”

“So, hindi lumaki?”

“I need to see them again later to check.” He smirked.

Muling bumaba ang halik niya sa cleavage ko. Na para bang hindi niya mapigilan ang sarili niya. Binabalikan niya talaga at nahahalina.

Sinalubong agad ako ni Yusef nang makarating kami sa Playa Azure. Si Trevor naman ay bumati na sa mga kaibigan at kaklase niya na naroon din.

Pinindot ni Yusef ang cleavage ko. “Parang biglang laki ng boobs mo!”

Natatawa na hinampas ko ang braso niya. “Hindi. Mababa lang ang neckline ng dress ko kaya medyo nakikita.”

“Tuwang-tuwa siguro si Trevor sa ’yo.”

Mas lalo akong natawa. “Ano sa tingin mo?”

Inirapan niya ako at naupo na kami. Sa harap namin sila Glenda at pinansin niya ako agad.

“Woot! Woot! May pa-cleavage si Chantria ngayon, oh!”

I rolled my eyes when Trevor glanced at me. He’s still standing, talking to Grego and Silvano.

“Parang sagana sa himas ni Trevor!” Dalary made a peace sign to me.

“Alagang Monterell ’yan. Araw-araw blooming si Chantria. Halatang walang problema sa love life eh.”

“Oo. Tapos si Trevor lumaki lalo ang katawan. Halatang hiyang sa girlfriend niya.”

We didn’t officially announced that we are already in a relationship. But these people just knew that we are indeed has a proper label now. Even though they always tease me, I am still fine with it because they are also very supportive with me and Trevor. Kapag may mga babaeng nagpapapansin sa kanya, sila palagi ang nagsasabi na may girlfriend na para tumigil.

Trevor sat next to me. He sighed when he sees my cleavage. He lifted the fabric of my dress but it didn’t work. It was cut and style like that.

“Hayaan mo na…”

“Dapat sa akin lang…” bulong niya.

“Sa ’yo lang naman talaga…” pabalik na bulong ko.

Mabilis na lumipas ang mga oras. Ang ibang kasama namin ay nakuha pang maligo sa dagat. Pati si Yusef ay nakisali na rin. I don’t have swimwear with me. I have no plans to be in the ocean. I just want to lay in bed and cuddle with Trevor.

“Let’s go to our cabana…” malambing na aya ko sa kanya.

He finished his mojito. Then hold my hand for us to leave.

“Where are you going?” Yusef asked while walking back to where we were.

“Magpapahinga lang. Babalik kami mamaya.” Ako ang sumagot.

“Okay. Balik kayo, huh! Sabay tayong mag dinner.”

“Oo. Huwag kang maglasing agad.”

Tumango-tango si Yusef at kumaway na sa amin.

When we entered our cabana, I was the one who closed the glass door and covered it with block curtains. Then I excitedly lay in bed.

“Come. Let’s cuddle…” I extended my arm for him to lay beside me.

Trevor pulled up his t-shirt from his nape, leaving him with only pants on.

I have a free view of the muscles on his stomach and arms. He crawled on the bed and positioned himself on top of me. He made me thrill. I’m quivering in excitement.

I am not in the right mind now to think how it really happened. I just found myself fully naked while my boyfriend is on top of me. His sweet gentle kisses is making me sleepy and arouse all at once. The way he was palming my breasts, his breathings, and my soft moans, everything is just so magical between us.

I felt him poking my entrance. I am so wet after he kissed me down there. My heart was keep on pounding like there’s no tomorrow. I am suddenly so ready to give myself to him. I feel like he deserved this kind of intimacy… he deserved me… he deserved my virginity.

“Trevor…” my voice is very sensual. “I want you to take me as my gift for you.”

Namungay ang mga mata niya. His both arms were place at the sides of my head. He’s naked as me. His body is covering mine, like my protection during storm. I feel the comfort having him with me now and even though I know this is gonna be painful, I wouldn’t mine. I will accept this pain as a part of the process for him to be happy.

“This is an honor to me. Thank you.” He whispered against my forehead.

Niyakap ko siya habang dahan-dahan niya akong inaangkin. Tiniis ko ang unang pagsalakay ng hapdi, na nasundan ng kirot, at ng totoong sakit nang maramdaman ko ang pagkapunit ng kung ano sa akin.

Trevor tilted his head the moment he fully entered me, his eyes were closed, and there’s a glimpse of solace and fulfillment on his face. As if he has been waiting for this special moment to happen… where he can finally have me as his this way.

Mula sa munting siwang ng kurtina, tanaw ko ang kulay kahel na langit, ang repleksyon nito sa malawak na karagatan ay tila ipininta ng magaling na pintor. Napangiti ako habang nakahilig ang mukha ko sa didbib ni Trevor.

We just made love. I feel satisfied and I am truly happy. I am realizing now that I gave myself to him not only to give him happiness, I did that because I have fallen in love with him. The joy in my heart is hard to explain. It was like riding in a cloud surrounded by love.

I moved to feel his body more as if we are not close enough. Nang igalaw ko ang aking mga binti, naramdaman ko ulit ang hapdi sa pagitan ng aking mga hita.

“Ouch…” I wailed softly.

Trevor hugged me tighter and kissed my forehead. “I’m sorry ’bout that.”

He knew that I am very sore. I don’t think I can properly walk. Ayokong magkaro’n ang mga kasama namin ng dahilan para pag isipan na nakuha niya na ako. Especially Yusef, he knows me enough. He’d know if something is not right on me. I don’t wanna tell him that I already gave myself to Trevor. He’d be disappointed for sure. I want this as a secret… this supposed to be like that though.

“When are you going to start applying a job in Bacolod?” I asked.

“I have some offers already. I might go this week to see.”

Hindi na ako magtataka kung may mga offer na nga sa kanya. Bukod sa kilala ang pamilya niya, top pa siya sa batch niya.

“While doing that, I also need to prepare for my board exam.”

Sana kapag sobrang abala na siya, magkaro’n pa rin siya ng oras sa akin.

“I will always support you.”

“Thank you. I want to achieve all my future dreams for us and I want every steps with you.”

It made me smile. Ngayon ko talaga napapatunayan na kasama ako sa mga plano niya sa buhay.

“So, I am really part of your future plans? Bakit? Gusto mo ba akong maging asawa?” I playfully said.

He let out a hearty laugh. Idiniin niya ang labi niya sa aking noo, may halong panggigigil at pagkaaliw.

“Gusto mo ba akong maging asawa?” Balik tanong niya sa akin.

Napanguso ako nang maramdaman ko ang apoy na tumapon sa aking pisngi. Ngayon na tinanong niya ito sa akin, napaisip tuloy ako. Sino pa ba ang gusto kong makasama araw-araw? Siya lang naman. Ayoko nang maghanap pa ng iba.

“Oo…” malamyos at halos pabulong na sagot ko.

Hindi ko maawat ang malakas na pintig ng aking puso. Kung kanina kalmado ako, nag iba na. Naghuhumerentado talaga ang bawat tibok at wala akong magawa kundi hayaan ang mga ito.

“I aim to be successful not only for myself, but also for you, and for the future that I dream to build with you.” He whispered tenderly.

20 ~ LIE

CHAPTER TWENTY

While I was having fun talking to Yusef and Charlotta, I spotted Trevor coming towards us.

Malayo palang siya ay nakita ko na ang galit at pait sa kanyang mga mata. Simula kanina nang sinabi kong ayoko na, hindi na kami nagtabi. But right now, I don’t think he would let this pass. I know he wants to talk to me one more time to probably clear things between us. That’s why he’s here again…

“Mag usap tayo…” his voice was cold.

“Ayoko!”

“Please, don’t wait for me to drag you out from here, Reva Chantria.” The way he said it felt like he’s really going to do everything just for me to talk to him.

I don’t want him to make a scene here. Ayokong malaman ng mga kaibigan ko na maghihiwalay kami. Alam kong masasaktan sila. Hanggat maaari sana, huwag nilang malaman na may hindi kami pagkakaunawaan ni Trevor.

Sumama ako sa kanya sa dalampasigan. Sa gabing ito, iba ang lamig ng ihip ng hangin. Madilim din ang langit at sobrang kalmado ng dagat. Wala man lang mga bituin na magsisilbing ningning sana sa karimlan.

Umupo ako sa buhanginan. Sumunod agad sa akin si Trevor at naupo rin. Humugot agad siya ng malalim na hangin mula sa kanyang dibdib. I can feel his coldness towards me but I understand him. If he’s upset because of this, it’d be best for me. Gusto ko nalang na magalit siya sa akin kaysa masaktan siya. Kapag galit siya, iiwasan niya na ako. Mas madali para sa akin na umalis nang hindi sinasabi sa kanya.

Ilang minuto kaming tahimik. Ilang kidlat na rin ang gumuhit sa langit. Sa sobrang kalmado ng dagat, sa dilim ng mga ulap, halos maramdaman ko na ang pagbuhos ng malakas na ulan mamaya lang.

“What is this, Chantria? Why are you breaking up with me?” He finally blurted out his frustration.

Wala akong maisip na rason para sa kanya. I am not sure if I am making this decision just because I am very stressed or it was because of my pregnancy hormones. Maybe both.

“If you don’t like that I am going to work in Bacolod, then I won’t. Just don’t do this to me.”

Nagagalit ako sa sarili ko dahil ganito ang iniisip niyang dahilan ko. Even if I knew ever since that he has plan to work in Bacolod or Manila, I can’t still fully support him with that. Naging masyado akong malapit sa kanya, naging sandalan ko siya sa araw-araw. Kaya natatakot ako na bigla siyang malalayo sa akin.

Pero mas masakit naman itong gagawin ko sa kanya ngayon. Hindi ko akalain na ako pala ang lalayo sa kanya. Malayong-malayo na alam kong wala pa siyang kakayahan na sundan ako.

“Did I do something that you don’t like? Did I hurt you and I wasn’t aware that I did? What is it, hmm?” His voice was laced with gentleness and bitterness all at once.

The loud thunder echoed and it made me flinched. The breeze gets cooler like an embrace from the ghost. I have to hug my own arms to keep me warm.

“Trevor, ayoko na. Hindi na ako masaya…” malungkot kong sabi.

I made up my mind. I will just end our relationship. Sa ngayon, pakiramdam ko, ito ang dapat kong gawin. Hindi ito tama, pero baka talagang darating kami sa punto na ito. I just didn’t expect that this would be sooner. Hindi ko nakita na ako pa mismo ang bibitaw sa aming dalawa.

Alam kong pagsisisihan ko ito. Ngayon palang, humihingi na ako ng paunmanhin sa sarili ko. Sana sa huli, maging masaya ako kahit papano.

“May problema ka ba? Let’s talk about it.”

I shook my head. “Siguro nagsasawa lang ako na palagi tayong magkasama. Ilang taon na rin na ganito. Nakakasawa pala…”

Hindi naman ako nagsasawa sa kanya. Sa katunayan pa mga niyan ay gusto ko ay palagi siyang kasama.

Parang tanga lang ako na gumagawa ng dahilan upang maging makatotohanan itong pakikipaghiwalay ko.

Kung ipagpapatuloy ba namin ito kasama ang baby namin, kaya niya ba? Kaya niya ba kaming suportahan? Wala pa siyang maayos na trabaho. Nasa azucarera pa rin siya. Habang kumikita siya ng pera, naghahanda naman siya para sa board exam niya.

Saan kami titira? Do’n sa kwarto niya sa bahay nila tita Safira? Alam kong hindi kaya ng pride niya na humingi ng tulong sa magulang niya. Saan niya ako dadalhin? Sa maliit na bahay? Paano ang pagkain namin araw-araw? If he’s going to work everyday in azucarera, how would he get hist time to review for his board exam?

I don’t wanna be a burden to him. Maybe after all, my decision is right. Sa ngayon, mas makabubuti na maghiwalay kami. I will continue this pregnancy and ask for my parents’ support. While Trevor is working and reviewing for his exam. Sa ganitong paraan, magkakaro’n siya ng maraming oras para itaguyod ang karera niya.

I wish him all the best in this life. Masipag siya at pursigido. Alam kong kayang-kaya niyang makuha ang tagumpay at maabot ang mga mithiin niya sa buhay. Gusto kong mahawakan niya ang mga pangarap niya… mga pangarap na sana kasama ako habang humahakbang siya palapit sa mga ito…

Pero hindi na siguro mangyayari iyon. Baka talagang hanggang dito nalang kami? Baka hindi naman talaga kami ang itinadhana na magsama ng matagal. Katulad ng ibang tao, siguro dadaaan lang kami sa buhay ng isa’t isa, mag iiwan ng mga ala-ala, at makakalimutan din kalaunan.

“I won’t text or call you every day. I won’t ask you to see me every time I miss you. I’m sorry if I am being too possessive…” he said that as if he was the one who made a mistake why we are splitting up.

Nasasaktan talaga ako para sa kanya. Kumurap ako upang pigilan ang pagbabadya ng aking mga luha. Naramdaman ko na ang mga mararahan na patak ng ulan sa aking balat.

Tumingala ako at humiling na sana bumuhos na ang ulan ng tuluyan. Gusto kong umiyak kasabay ng pag tangis ng langit. Sa ganitong paraan, hindi niya malalaman kung gaano kabigat at kasakit sa akin itong ginagawa ko sa kanya.

I want this to end and go back home. I can freely cry in my bed while thinking about him. I am also feeling tired already. These passed few days, I noticed that I easily get tired and always want to sleep. This pregnancy is really making changes not only to my body and mood, but also my emotions.

Bahagya akong napangiti nang bumuhos ang ulan na tila ba dininig ng langit ang munting hiling ko.

I turned my gaze to Trevor. His arms are placed above his knees. His head tilted a bit, eyes were closed, while the raindrops flowing on his face down to his jaw, neck, and wet his t-shirt. I see pain lingered the way he closed his eyes. My heart is breaking as I watch his misery.

Yumayakap sa aking balat hindi lang ang tubig, kundi na rin ang malakas na hampas ng hangin. Hindi naman galit ang langit, ngunit tila may pinaparusahan ito sa paraan kung paano pumatak ang ulan; mabigat at ramdam.

Siguro pinaparusahan ako ng langit. Dahil pagkatapos niya akong pasayahin, tinatalikuran ko ang mga pagkakataon na sana ay ginagamit ko para sulitin kasama ang lalaking mahal ko. Nagagalit siguro ito sa akin. Dahil sa kabila ng mga tawa at ngiti kasama ang nasa tabi ko, pinili ko pa rin na bitawan siya.

I bite my lips so that I would stop my sobs.

I really need to end this with him as soon as possible. I am so scared I might change my mind and hug him. My hands were trembling. I silently took a deep breath and hope that my heart would stop from torturing me.

“Ayaw sa ’yo ni daddy…” mapait na sambit ko.

Hindi niya ako nilingon. Nanatili siyang bahagyang nakatingala. Pakiramdam ko, hindi na siya magsasalita at makikinig nalang sa mga sasabihin ko.

“He didn’t like you for me. My mom didn’t support me as well. I need to obey them.”

No, I have been defying my parents since the day I’ve met Trevor. At kung may pagkakataon na kailangan kong suwayin ulit sila, gagawin ko pa rin. Pero iba na ang sitwasyon ko. I have my child. I need my parents. Trevor cannot support us.

“Tama naman sila. Bata pa ako. Marami pa akong makikilala na mas magugustuhan ko ng husto…”

He chuckled bitterly.

“Gusto naman kita…” I let out a soft breath. “Pero hindi sapat para ipagpatuloy ko pa ito. Siguro rin kaya ko ’to ginagawa ay dahil hindi na kita kailangan. Maayos na ang magulang ko. Gumagaling na rin si mommy. Kaya lang naman ako palaging sumasama sa ’yo dahil binibigyan mo ako ng atensyon na hindi naibigay sa akin…”

“Cut that bullshit, Chantria.” He hissed sharply.

Sumisikip ang dibdib ko sa sobrang pagpipigil na huwag huminto. Gustung-gusto ko na siyang yakapin. Gustung-gusto ko nang magpakulong sa bisig niya. Hirap na hirap na ako na dalhin ito ng mag isa… itong mga pagsisinungaling ko sa kanya.

“Salamat sa mga atensyon na ibinigay mo sa akin no’ng mga panahon na kailangan na kailangan ko ’yon…” kumurap ako nang maramdaman ang pagtulo ng aking luha. “S-sumaya ako. B-binigyan mo ako ng rason para magpatuloy kahit na h-hirap na hirap na ako sa siwasyon ko d-dahil sa nangyayari sa magulang ko…”

“Tang ina…” nasaksaktan na mura niya.

Tumingala ako at masakit na pumikit. Kasabay ng malalakas na patak ng ulan sa aking mukha ay ang walang awat na paglandas ng mga luha ko sa aking magkabilang pisngi.

Tila tinatarakan ng punyal ang puso ko sa mabagal at malalim na paraan. Sinisigurado na mararamdaman ko ang bawat talim na sumusugat dito.

I grip on my chest when I felt like it was hard for me to breath properly. It also didn’t help that I felt a prick ticking my abdomen.

“I have never loved you…” I whispered painfully.

This is the biggest lie I’d tell him… the greatest lie that the raindrops heard.

I love him so dearly. If I was given another chance to love him one more time in another circumstances, I’d do it over and over again. Siya pa rin ang pipiliin ko. Sa kanya ko pa rin ilalaan itong puso ko.

Natawa siya sa mapait na paraan. Napahilamos siya sa kanyang mukha gamit ang mga palad habang nakatingala.

“I liked your kisses… your caresses… your hugs… but I don’t love you.” I continued as my heart wouldn’t stop from punishing me.

“Tang ina! What the fuck was that? You only like being with me because I kissed good? Because I made you moan?”

Hindi ko siya tinignan. Natatakot ako na makita ang galit sa mukha niya. I just want a happy memories with him. Para kapag malayo na ako sa kanya, babalik-balikan ko ang mga masayang ala-ala na kasama siya. Kapag namimiss ko siya, titignan ko nalang ang picures at videos naming dalawa. That way, I’m sure I’d be fine… I’d feel comfort.

“Yeah…” I breath.

“Fuck your lies!”

Nagagalit na siya. Di ba, ito naman ang gusto ko? Ang magalit siya sa akin para madali lang para sa kanya na tanggapin ito? Pero bakit parang sinasakal ang puso ko?

Sa lakas ng ulan, hindi ko alam kung naririnig niya ba ang mga pigil kong paghikbi. Hindi ko alam kung alam niya ba na umiiyak ako kasabay ng langit.

Hindi ko na alintana ang lamig na bumabalot sa akin. Mas iniinda ko ang pagkadurog ng aking puso… ang galit niya… at pagkabigo.

Kapag ba nagkita ulit kami isang araw, babatiin niya pa rin ba ako? Kakausapin niya ba ako? O mas pipiliin niyang magpanggap na hindi niya ako kilala?

I think, the most painful part of breaking up with the one you loved is when you see each other again and act like a stranger to one another. As if you didn’t kiss and hug, didn’t cry and laugh together, didn’t share memories. I bet, I’d be extremely sad if that happened to us one day.

“I don’t know what’s up with you, Chantria. But I don’t believe you.” He spatted.

Sa huling pagkakataon, binuksan ko ang aking mga mata at sinulyapan siya.

Nakatingin siya sa akin. Matalim ang titig na para bang gusto akong awayin. Ngunit hindi niya magawa dahil hindi niya naman talaga ako kaya. His jaw is clenching which only added virile to his feature. Ang tubig ulan ay patuloy na umaagos na tila luha sa kanyang mukha—animo umiiyak na larawan na madramang ipininta.

For the last time, I want to give myself a freedom to caress him, to feel his skin against my palm. I have no guarantee when I’d be able to be this close to him again. Kukunin ko ang pagkakataon na ito para hindi ipagkait sa akin ang isa sa rason kung bakit ako naging masaya.

I caress his jaw with my palm while my tears were flowing on my both cheeks. His eyes became too gentle that it looked painful to me. He lifted his hand to touch my hand on his jaw. I felt the coldness of his callous palm.

“Why are you crying, hmm?” He asked in a rough low tone.

Itinaas niya ang isa pang kamay para marahan na punasan ang mga luha ko. Sa ginawa niya, lalo lang akong naiyak. Dahil sa totoo lang, mamimiss ko siya ng sobra sobra. Isipin ko palang na matagal ko siyang hindi makakasama, nanghihina na ako.

“Baby, don’t do this, please…” he begged with tenderness.

Why do I feel like being this contented just by staring at him right now? There’s something on the way I stare at him that gives me solace. I could live with this… I wanna live with this feeling.

Trevor leaned closer and I’m suddenly panting.

My eyes shut closed when I felt his lips on mine.

“Mahal kita…” he whispered longingly against my lips that it breaks my heart.

Humikbi ako. I can feel the fear in my chest… the fear of staying and choosing him.

“Hindi kita mahal…” malambing ang naging tunog ko.

Muli ay masakit siyang napapikit. Umigting ang panga niya.

I leaned closer and kissed his lips while my tears together with the heavy raindrops were flowing down my cheeks.

Mahal na mahal ko siya. Hindi lang talaga para sa amin ang pagkakataon na ito. Ngunit kahit pa ganito, patuloy akong mangangarap na sana dumating ulit ang araw na magtagpo kami at sa oras na ’yon, sisiguraduhin ko na kaya ko na siyang hawakan nang hindi binibitawan.

I kissed him so passionately… so lovingly… that it agonized me and at the same time it comforted me so much.

My love for him will never fade regardless of how many times I lie behind the raindrops.

21 ~ BOTTLED MILK

CHAPTER TWETY ONE

I gave birth to healthy baby boy.

While I was pregnant, I was also studying. I took online classes. So I won’t miss a school year. My plan is to continue my class when we go back to the Philippines. I am excited to go back home. Though I am nervous, but I really wanna go back. I missed La Carlota. I missed my friends. I missed him so much too… the father of my baby.

Walang ibang nakakaalam na buntis ako kundi ang magulang ko lang at nasabihan din ang mga kasambahay namin tungkol sa sitwasyon ko. Dahil nagtaka sila kung bakit hindi na ako bumalik. Sana lang ay manatiling sektreto muna itong pagkakaro’n ko ng anak. Ayokong pagdating ko sa La Carlota ay maging tampulan ako ng tsismis.

I watch my mom swaying my son on her arm. Her liver transplant was successful. I am very happy for her. Habang nakikita ko siya na bumabalik sa dating lagay niya, nawawala rin ang bigat sa aking dibdib. Ilan taon siyang nakipaglaban sa liver cancer niya.

Luckily, my father found a donor. He paid a lot for mom’s transplant, hospital bills, doctors’ fees, and son on. I am not sure now if we still have money or my father was already struggling in the Philippines.

Pinagsisihan ko ang mga naging trato ko dati kay daddy. Oo at galit ako sa kanya pero sa huli sa kanya pa rin galing ang lahat ng expenses namin ng anak ko. Siya pa rin ang sumuporta sa akin kahit pa sobra siyang nabigla sa pagbubuntis ko.

Mabilis lang na lumipas ang mga araw at buwan. Siguro ay dahil naging sobrang abala rin ako bilang anak, estudyante, at ina. Kaya no’ng makabalik kami rito sa mansyon, do’n lang ako tila nakaramdam nang matinding pahinga.

“Ang gwapo gwapo ng baby mo, Chantria…” Soledad carries my son.

Pagod ako sa mahabang biyahe namin. I want to rest. Ngayon na nakauwi na kami, magkakaro’n na ako ng katuwang sa pag aalaga sa baby ko. I can rest without thinking who is gonna look after him. We have enough housemaids to lessen my responsibilities.

“Mommy, magpahinga ka na po.” I told my mom.

“Ikaw rin, anak. Nandito na tayo sa atin. Huwag mo na masyadong alalahanin ang baby mo. Nandiyan sila Soledad para tulungan ka.”

“Oo, Chantria. Magpahinga ka na rin muna. Ibibigay ko nalang sa ’yo ’tong anak mo kapag nakatulog na.”

Ganon’ nga ang ginawa ko. After I took a shower, I lay on my bed. Kaya lang, ilang minuto na ang lumipas pero hindi talaga ako makatulog. I suddenly missed my baby. Nasanay na akong katabi siya at pinagmamasdan siya bago ako matulog.

Bumangon ako para kunin ang anak ko. Nang buksan ko ang pinto, sakto naman na paakyat si Soledad sa hagdan dala siya. Ibinigay niya sa akin si Treyvon. He’s now sleeping. He must be very tired from our long travel.

I fell asleep with Treyvon beside me. I just woke up when I heard Yusef’s voice behind my door.

“Chantria! I miss you! Open the door! I’m excited to see you!” He yelled.

Napilitan akong bumangon para tumigil na siya sa pag iingay niya at baka magising pa ang anak ko. I was yawning when I opened the door. Mabilis niya akong niyakap. Inalog niya pa ang katawan ko sa sobrang ligalig niya.

“Miss na miss kita! Namimiss ko na gumala na kasama ka! Magpunta tayo sa Playa Azure—what? Huh? Ano ’yan? Bakit may baby?” Gulat na gulat siya sabay layo niya sa akin.

Nagmamadali siyang naglakad papunta sa kama ko para masigurado na hindi siya namamalikmata. He covered his mouth when he realized that indeed he’s staring at the baby.

“Chantria! What is this? Nanganak ba si tita Rafa? Kapatid mo ’to?”

Napangiwi ako. Dahan-dahan ko siyang hinila palayo sa kama dahil mabilis magising ang baby ko.

“Hindi ko kapatid—”

“Ano? Ampon niyo?”

“Hindi! Baby ko ’yan…”

Namilog ang mga mata niya at bumuka ang bibig. He looked very funny when he’s this shocked.

“Seryoso? Totoo? Bakit? I mean, no’ng umalis ka, buntis ka na? Kaya hindi ka na bumalik dito?”

I nodded my head.

“Nabuntis ka ni Trevor?”

“Oo.”

Impit siyang tumili sabay takip ulit sa bibig niya. Nagmamadali na naman siyang lumapit sa kama para pakatitigan ang anak kong mahimbing na natutulog. Tapos ay naglakad siya ulit sa akin. Hindi siya mapakali. Pabalik-balik siya kay Treyvon tapos ay sa akin.

“Yusef, stop it. You’re so funny.” I cackled and held his forearm for him to stay still.

“Hindi niya alam na may anak kayo!” Nasapo niya ang kanyang noo.

“I didn’t tell him.”

“Bakit hindi mo sinabi?”

“I’d rather keep my pregnancy. Kung nalaman niya na may anak kami, tingin mo ba nandiyan siya ngayon sa kinalalagyan niya?”

“Kahit na! Pero huli na rin naman ang lahat. Nangyari na at naitago mo na. Pero paano ’yan? Sasabihin mo ba sa kanya?”

Wala naman akong plano na habang buhay itong itago kay Trevor. I am just waiting for the right timing. After all, he deserved to know.

“Oo naman. Pero hindi pa siguro ngayon.”

“Lahat ng engineering project sa local government, ibinigay sa kanya ng tatay niya. Abala ’yon ngayon. Pero kapag nalaman no’n na nandito ka, baka makipagkita ’yon sa ’yo agad.”

Trevor Monterell is one of the top notchers in board exam. He’s really great. I wouldn’t surprise if in just a short period of time, he’d get big projects.

“Nandito siya sa La Carlota?”

“Oo. Pero bihira na siyang sumama sa amin sa Playa Azure.”

“Sila pa rin ba ng girlfriend niyang beauty queen?”

That’s the last time I heard about him. That he finally has a new girlfriend.

“Si Yasmin? Huh! Mas maganda ka pa rin do’n. Isa pa, hindi ko alam kung girlfriend niya ba ’yon o fuck buddy lang.”

“Girlfriend niya ’yon…”

“Feeling ko, hindi. Hindi naman siya malambing kapag kasama niya si Yasmin. Pero kayo dati, halos ayaw niya nang umalis sa tabi mo.”

Nagkibit ako ng balikat. Inaasahan ko naman na mapag uusapan namin si Trevor kapag nakauwi na ako rito sa La Carlota. Kaya hinanda ko na rin ang sarili ko sa mga puwede kong maramdaman.

“May utang ka sa ’kin, Reva Chantria! Dahil pati sa akin ay itinago mo ang pagbubuntis mo! Paano mo ’yon nakaya? Really? You hid that special news from your best friend?” Madramang sumbat niya.

“Ninong ka. Ninang si Charlotta at Solaris. Ninong din sila Grego at Silvano.”

“Gawin mong ninong si Trevor para magulantang siya.”

Tumawa ako. “Mas magugulantang siya pag nalaman niyang may anak siya sa ’kin.”

Pumalakpak si Yusef. “Magugulantang siya pero kaya niya na kayong suportahan. May pera na si engineer. Hindi niya na kailangan magbuhat ng sako sakong tubo sa azucarera.”

That made me smile. I am genuinely happy for Trevor. Ito ang gusto ko para sa kanya—ang maabot niya ang kanyang mga pangarap kahit hindi niya ako kasama.

I still keep Treyvon a secret even though we already met our friends. Palagi kong pinanlalakihan ng mga mata si Yusef dahil nakakabahala na baka madulas siya.

“Ang ganda pa rin! Lalong sumeksi!” Glenda praised me.

“Kaya nga! Kung ako si Trevor, gagapang talaga ako pabalik kay Chantria!” Dalary said while laughing.

“Hoy! May girlfriend na ’yon. Naka move na yata sa dating baby niya.”

“Fuck buddy niya lang siguro ’yon.”

“Hindi niya girlfriend ’yon. Mukha silang miserable pareho kapag magkasama.”

Kanya kanya nang hinuha ang mga kasama namin. Pero kami ni Yusef ay may sariling topic. Hindi ako magtatagal dito sa Playa Azure. Kailangan ko rin bumalik sa mansyon dahil siguradong hahanapin ako ng baby ko. Hindi pa siya sanay na matagal ako na wala sa tabi niya.

“Yusef, ang sakit ng boobs ko…” mahinang reklamo ko sa kanya.

He frowned. “Ano’ng gagawin mo? Bakit masakit?”

“Because I have milk!”

Lalong umasim ang itsura niya. “Don’t you have your breast pump?”

“I have in my bag. Samahan mo ako sa loob. I need to release some milk.”

He drastically sighed. Napapakamot siya nang tumayo para lang samahan ako.

“Oh, nandito na pala si engineer…” Glenda whistled.

Nang marinig ko ’yon, mas lalo kong hinila si Yusef papasok sa loob ng cabana. Halos manginig ang mga tuhod ko!

“Bakit nandito siya? Ang sabi mo busy siya!” Pagalit ko kay Yusef.

Nag iwas siya ng tingin sa akin.

Napapapantastikuhan na bumuka ang bibig ko. Did he just…

“I’m sorry. Nag text kasi siya para sa confirmation kung talagang nakabalik ka na. May nakapagsabi yata sa kanya na nakita kayo sa airport. I can’t lie. Alam mo naman na nasaktan din ako no’ng nagkahiwalay kayo…”

“Yusef!” Nanghihina akong napaupo sa kama.

“Okay lang ’yan, Chantria. Kung hindi ka pa handa, huwag mong sabihin sa kanya.”

I massaged my temple. I know it’s not gonna be easy, but until when I can hide my baby from Trevor?

“Sige na. Mag breast pump ka na…” he urged me.

Napilitan akong pumasok sa shower room. I get my breast pump inside my bag and a milk bottle. Medyo nasanay na ako na gawin ito kaya hindi na ako nahihirapan masyado. Since I gave birth, I felt like I also become independent. May mga bagay na hindi ko na inaasa sa iba. Kung kaya kong gawin, ako na ang gumagawa.

Nang matapos ako, lumabas ako sa shower room habang hawak ko ang bottled milk. Gusto kong ipalagay muna sa sasakyan sana ng kaibigan ko.

“Yusef, ilagay muna natin ’tong bottled milk sa sasakyan mo—” I was cut off when I saw Trevor instead of Yusef!

He’s standing against the glass door, one arm crossed above his chest, while his other hand was on his lips. His sharp gaze drifted to my hand where the bottled milk is.

Mabilis na itinago ko sa aking likod ang hawak ko. Hindi magkandamayaw ang kalabog ng aking dibdib. Halos hindi ako makahinga dahil sa biglaang pagsibol sa akin ng mga damdamin na siya lang tangi ang nakakapagbigay. Kahit hanggang sa mga sandaling ito, gano’n pa rin ako sa kanya.

Trevor has changed a lot. From the way he dresses, the way he stares at me, and the way he carries himself. This time, his heavy aura is so potent I could feel it in my skin. His eyes are dark and menacing. His body is massive and solid. I can see the bulk on the sleeves of his polo shirt. His faded buzz cut reminded me of our lazy afternoon inside his bedroom where I caressed his head as he sucked my breasts.

My face heated up so bad as I remembered those sweet memories with him. Malinaw pa rin sa akin ang mga ’yon dahil hindi ko naman hinayaan na lumabo sa aking ala-ala.

“Where’s Yusef?” I asked nervously.

“Let’s talk…” his voice was firm.

Napalunok ako. Ramdam ko ang panginginig ng aking mga tuhod. Hindi pa pala talaga ako handa na makita siya. I feel like I need more courage and guts to talk to him as if we never shared a past.

“’Why do you have that bottled milk?” He tilted his head a bit, taunting me to reveal what I’ve been hiding on my back.

Nag iwas ako ng tingin sa kanya. Para akong mahihimatay sa tindi ng pintig ng aking puso. I hope I won’t pass out just for this damn feelings I have for him.

“Chantria, I want your truth this time. Please.”

Tinanaw ko ang labas ngunit wala akong nakita dahil nakaharang ang makapal na kurtina. I think, he intentionally did that. Hindi naman ’yan ganyan kanina.

Nang humakbang siya palapit sa akin, humigpit ang kapit ko sa bottled milk na tila ba nakadepende rito ang buhay ko. My knees were wobbling and I don’t know how much longer I can take this emotions.

“Let me see it…” he urged me.

I shook my head while avoiding his menacing gaze. He’s meters away from me, I can smell his familiar natural scent mixed with expensive perfume. It brought me back to those days where we cuddled and kissed.

“Why do you have that, hmm?” His voice becoming gentle and I’m melting.

“Why do you care?” I grimaced bitterly.

Kapag ba nalaman niyang may anak kami, babalikan niya ba ako?

Paano na ang girlfriend niya? Handa niya bang hiwalayan ’yon para sa amin ni Treyvon? If he wants me back, he needs to break up with his girl. I don’t wanna be a kabit!

And what the hell I was thinking about us? This is not about us anymore. This is about our child!

Come on, Chantria. Stop seeking attention from Trevor. He gave it to you before and you wasted it!

“Baby, I need to know the truth…” he muttered hoarsely.

“I’m not your baby!” I glared at him.

Namungay ang mga mata niya habang pinagmamasdan akong nagagalit.

“You were….”

“You have a girlfriend! Stop flirting with me!”

“Hmm…”

He didn’t deny it? So, it was true? May girlfriend talaga siya! Alam ko na naman ’to, pero ang sakit pa rin pala kapag galing sa kanya.

“Bakit ka pa nandito?”

“Because I wanna talk to you.”

“Wala tayong dapat pag usapan! Umalis ka na at puntahan ang girlfriend mo!”

My face contorted. I know I sounded bitter and a jealous girlfriend. But I can’t control this emotion. Hindi ko kayang magpanggap na para bang wala kaming pinagsamahan. Hindi ako masokista katulad ng iba.

“Nandiyan lang siya sa labas…” he smirked.

Lalo akong nanggalaiti. I glared at him. Sa galit ko, namumuo ang luha sa aking mga mata.

Gano’n lang kadali sa kanya na palitan ako? Samantalang ako, araw-araw at gabi-gabi ko siyang iniisip! Ni hindi nga nabawasan itong pagmamahal ko sa kanya! Tapos siya, may iba na agad?!

“How dare you replace me like that?!” I pushed his chest using the bottled milk.

Maagap na nahawakan niya ang mga kamay ko pati na rin ang hawak ko. Dahan-dahan niyang kinuha sa ’kin ’yon at para akong nanghihina na halos mabuwal sa harap niya.

At dahil hawak niya ang mga kamay ko, wala akong pagkakataon na punasan ang mga luha na dumadaloy sa aking pisngi.

“I really hate you!” I wailed while crying like a child.

Mariin ang titig niya sa aking mukha na para bang kasalanan ko ang lahat ng ito kaya deserve ko ang umiyak at masaktan ng ganito sa harap niya.

“Why did you fucking hide it from me?” The torment on his tone was heard.

By this time, I think, he already knew.

Kinagat ko ang labi ko upang pigilan sana ang matinding pag iyak sa harap niya. Ngunit hindi nagpapaawat ang aking mga luha. Bumubuhos ang mga ito na animo ilang taon na nagtimpi.

“Because you didn’t have money that time! Maghihirap lang tayo pareho!”

“I could fucking find a better job! I could work all day and night so that I have money to support both of you!” He hissed.

Tinulak ko siya ngunit hindi niya ako pinakawalan. He’s gripping my both hand using only his one large hand. The other one is holding the bottled milk.

“Tang ina, ngayon mo sa ’kin sabihan ’yan…” hamon niya sa mapait na paraan.

“Bakit may pera ka na ba?!”

“Marami!”

“Mabuti! You can support my baby!”

“Our baby, Reva Chantria. Our baby.” He corrected me firmly.

I can feel the fast beating of his heart against my hands. Humugot siya ng malalim na hangin galing sa kanyang dibdib. Tumingala siya at mariin na pumikit. Umiigting ang panga niya. Halata ang kanyang pagtitimpi.

“Let go of me. I need to go home…” my voice softened.

“Ihahatid kita.”

“Huwag na!”

“Ihahatid kita at ipapakita mo sa ’kin ang anak ko—”

“Anak natin! Natin!” I corrected him with annoyance.

“Anak natin…” marahan niyang sabi.

22 ~ SON

CHAPTER TWENTY TWO

Nang lumabas kaming dalawa sa cabana, lahat ng mga mata ay napunta sa amin. Napalunok ako. Wala naman panghuhusga sa kanila pero pakiramdam ko, alam nila na may pinagtalunan kami sa loob.

When I roamed my eyes, I didn’t see Trevor’s girlfriend. Even her shadow wasn’t there. Baka umuwi na?

“Engineer, where did you get that milk bottle for baby?” Glenda asked curiously.

Napatingin ako sa isang kamay ni Trevor sa gilid niya na hawak pa rin ang bottled milk!

Muntik kong masap ang aking noo. Bakit ba hindi ko ito kinuha sa kanya bago kami lumabas? Pero paano ko kukunin kung mahigpit niyang hawak ang palapulsuhan ko na para bang tatakbuhan ko siya kung bibitawan niya ako?

“Aalis na kami.” Malamig ang boses niya.

“I’m sorry…” Yusef mouthed at me, I leered at him.

Natahimik lalo ang lahat at pinanood nalang kami ni Trevor na umalis sa cabana nila. When we get to the parking area, he unlocked the doors of a black Ford Ranger.

Mariin ang titig niya sa akin nang buksan niya ang front passenger seat para sumakay ako. I rolled my eyes at him before I hopped in. Pagkapasok ko palang naamoy ko na agad ang bango sa loob. But the scent is not familiar to me. This is not his perfume, I am sure of this. Because I smelled him when we got closer. I got to know his new fragrance.

Tahimik kami sa loob ng sasakyan niya. Habang binabaybay namin ang daan papunta sa amin, hindi ko mapigilan na huwag balikan ang mga panahon na ginagawa namin ito ngunit sa ibang paraan ng transportasyon…

I always hugged him from behind while he was driving his motorcycle. I am used to ride in the comfort of our cars, but when I tried Trevor’s motorcycle, I felt secure too. Di bale nang balutin ako noon ng maraming alikabok, malanghap ang mga dumi, basta lang kasama ko siya.

Masaya ako na may bago na siyang sasakyan at halatang matatag na rin ang buhay niya. Ngunit ang saya na ito sa aking puso ay nahalinhinan ng hapdi. Nanghihinayang ako sa mga oras na hindi ako ang kasama niya habang naglalakad siya papunta sa mga pangarap niya… wala ako sa tabi niya no’ng naabot niya ang mga ito.

I slightly gasped when I felt my tears forming my eyes. I had to look on my window so that he won’t notice that I was about to cry.

Sino kaya ang kasama niya habang inaabot niya ang tagumpay na ito? Sino ang napagsasabihan niya nang mga nangyari sa araw niya? Nagkasakit ba siya? Sino ang nag alaga sa kanya?

Habang iniisip ko ang mga ito, nararamdaman ko ang pag guhit ng punyal sa aking puso.

Kumurap ako at mabilis na pinahid ang nahulog na luha sa aking pisngi. I am truly happy for him… I am very proud of him, but my heart was silently breaking… because I missed those moments of his life. Pinangarap ko rin na samahan siya sa bawat hakbang niya, pero hindi ko nagawa. Hindi nangyari. Dahil mas pinili kong bitawan siya.

After all, I think, I made the right choice of leaving him. I had a comfortable life in California with my baby. Isinilang at inalagaan ko ang anak namin kahit wala siya, habang itinataguyod niya ang sarili at karera niya. Pareho kaming naging matagumpay kahit papano. Ako, bilang ina. Siya, bilang engineer.

“What’s the gender of our baby?” He asked after a long while.

“A boy…” thinking about our son made me smile.

Tinignan ko siya na nakatutok ang mga mata sa maalikabok na daan. I don’t see any emotions. He’s stoic.

“What’s his name?”

“Treyvon…”

He bites his lower lip tightly. His chest waved. Then he let out a breath of relieve.

I named our son almost sounds like his name to honor him. Sa tuwing tinatawag ko ang anak ko, para ko na rin tinatawag ang daddy niya. This way, I won’t forget saying Trevor’s name.

We just entered our driveway. Kung dati, hindi ako pumapayag na pumasok si Trevor sa mansyon namin, ngayon ay tila nawala ang kaba na ’yon. Even though my father is here, still, I am not anxious having Trevor with me now.

Bumaba ako sa sasakyan. Natanaw ko agad si daddy na nag aabang sa malaking pinto namin. Lumapit ako sa kanya para humalik sa pisngi.

“Dad, I am with Trevor…”

“Good evening, Sir.” Trevor greets politely.

“Good evening, Engineer.”

“Mm, ipapakita ko lang po sana si Treyvon.” Paalam ko kay daddy.

Tumango siya. “Go ahead.”

“Thank you.” Trevor said.

“Let’s have a drink after, Engineer.”

Trevor nods his head.

Kumunot ang noo ko. Nagbago na ba ang pananaw ni daddy kay Trevor? Hindi na ba siya galit sa mga Monterell?

I opened the door of our bedroom. Naabutan ko si Soledad na hinihele ang anak ko.

“Oh, Chantria. Nandito ka na pala. Kagigising lang ni Treyvon…” Soledad paused when she spotted Trevor behind me. “Magandang gabi, Engineer.”

“Magandang gabi po…” bati pabalik ni Trevor.

“I will just wash my hands…” I looked at Trevor and the bottled milk on his hand.

I pouted a bit. Kinuha ko ito sa kanya at wala siyang lakas na bumitaw.

“Let’s wash our hands first…” I pulled him to my bathroom.

While we are washing our hands, I can’t help but to glance at him through the reflection of the mirror. Kanina ko pa naman napansin na lumaki ang katawan niya. Pero iba pala talaga kapag ganitong sobrang malapit kami sa isa’t isa.

I am not sure if I get slimmer or his body is just massive enough to make me feel small. The bulk of his biceps were very hard to ignore. Ang mga muscle niya ngayon ay talagang solido na. Even the protruding veins looked ruthless and… hot.

Nang napatingin siya sa repleksyon ng salamin at nahuli niya akong nakatitig sa braso niya, mabilis akong nag iwas ng tingin. Kinunot ko ang aking noo nang maramdaman ang apoy sa aking mukha.

I hurriedly turned my body and left him there. Kinuha ko kay Soledad si Treyvon at dinala sa aking bisig.

“Tawagin mo lang kami kung may kailangan ka…” bilin niya sa akin bago tumalima.

“Hi baby, mommy’s here. Did you wait for me?” I talked to my son with my usual sweet tone then I kissed his forehead.

When Trevor was walking towards us, I felt my heart changed the way it beats. I know myself enough that his mere presence made my chest boomed. Nang tuluyan siyang makalapit sa aming mag ina, tahimik akong humugot ng hangin sa aking dibdib.

Akala ko, tatagal pa ang paglilihim ko sa kanya tungkol sa anak namin. I didn’t expect that he will know about our son this early. Okay na rin ito. At least I do not need to play hide and seek with him. I have my freedom now to go outside without being bothered that I might see him.

Dahil sa totoo lang, kahit na namimiss ko siya ng husto, siguro iiwasan ko pa rin siya kapag nagkita kami sa ibang pagkakataon. Kaya lang naman ako hindi naka iwas sa kanya kanina ay dahil sinigurado niyang wala akong kawala sa kanya.

Trevor gently caressed our son’s cheek using his thumb.

“Do you know how to carry a baby?” I asked softly.

“I can try…”

I carefully give him our son. His big arms made our baby tiny. Kapag ako ang may karga kay Treyvon, pakiramdam ko sobrang payat ng mga braso ko. He’s a big baby. Hindi na ako nagtaka rito. I am tall and Trevor is very tall too.

Naging emosyonal ako habang pinagmamasdan si Trevor na nasa bisig niya ang anak namin. He carries our child like he was very fragile. I can also see his eyes watered. This moment must overwhelmed him.

Aaminin ko na lihim kong pinangarap ang ganitong imahe nilang dalawa. Umasa ako na balang araw ay magiging totoo ang mga iginuhit ko sa aking isip. Siya, kasama ang anak namin. Ako, kasama siya. Kaming tatlo sa isang makulay na larawan.

I cleared my throat when I felt my heart was aching inside. I painted this view in my head… to see this becoming a reality is astonishing.

“Medyo nahirapan ako no’ng ipinanganak ko siya. He’s kinda big…” the mellow on my voice was heard.

Wala sa sarili na humawak ako sa braso ni Trevor at marahan na hinaplos ang pisngi ng aming anak.

“But all the pain and struggles are worth it. I gave birth to a very healthy baby boy…”

When I felt Trevor’s lips on the top of my head, I smiled a bit. I missed this sweet gesture from him.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there…” he whispered gently.

“Okay lang. Nakaya ko naman. Kalimutan mo na.”

“I wanna know what you’ve been though while carrying our child and after you gave birth to him…”

Napangiti ako. Hindi ko sa kanya ipagdadamot ang mga nangyari sa akin no’ng wala siya sa aking tabi. Pero puwede rin bang humiling na i-kwento niya sa akin ang mga naganap sa buhay niya no’ng wala ako?

“I have photos and videos during my pregnancy. I also documented every special moments with Treyvon. I can share them with you if you like.”

“I’d like to.”

Dumaan ang katahimikan sa amin. But I don’t feel awkward. Maybe because we are both staring at the fruit of our love.

Sa tuwing binabalikan ko ang mga sandali na sinabi niya sa akin na mahal niya ako, sumasaya ang puso ko. Kaya kapag malungkot ako noon o kaya sa tuwing namimiss ko siya, wala akong ibang ginawa kundi alalahanin ang mga sandali na kapiling ko siya. I always looked on our photos together, his photos on my cellphone, and videos.

Do I still have my photos on his phone? Maybe not. He has a new girlfriend.

“Uh, puwede kang bumalik bukas kung may oras ka. Gabi na…”

“Okay lang. I can stay longer.”

“Wala bang naghihintay sa ’yo pag uwi mo?”

Who knows that he’s living with his girlfriend, right?

Tinignan niya ako. “Wala.”

Nangangati ako na pag usapan ang tungkol sa love life niya. Gusto kong masigurado na wala akong masisirang relasyon. Dapat malaman din ng girlfriend niya na may anak kami ni Trevor. I don’t want him to hide my son.

“How about your girlfriend?” I asked casually.

Trevor sat at the edge of the bed. Para siyang walang narinig. He’s smiling back at Treyvon who’s now wide awake. Nagtititigan silang mag ama.

“Hindi ko naman nakita ang girlfriend mo kanina sa Playa Azure. Aren’t you worried that she left?”

I crossed my arms above my chest. I want information from him. Huwag niya naman sana itong ipagdamot sa akin.

“Baka mag away kayo? Umuwi ka na at puntahan mo siya.”

He looked up on me with eyes squinted. His lips were in a thin line.

“I am just concern, Trevor. I don’t want to be the reason of any issues with your relationship. I am just trying to let you know that you can always come back here. Just talk to your girlfriend—”

“Did you really think that I have the power to replace you?” His voice laced with frustration.

“I don’t know? I just heard that you still have that beauty queen with you.”

He didn’t say anything again. He’s more focused with our son. Treyvon is now gripping Trevor’s thumb.

“Okay lang naman sa akin kung kayo pa rin. But I think, you need to let her know that we have a child…”

Habang maaga pa, ipaalam niya na agad. Para hindi sila magkaproblema pagdating ng araw na magkabistuhan na.

“She seems nice though. I don’t think she’d dump you when you tell her that you accidentally made me pregnant.”

Tiningala niya ulit ako na para bang alam niya na gusto ko ng atensyon niya.

Bigla akong sumaya nang bigyan niya ako ng pansin. Sinupil ko ang aking ngiti. My happiness is too shallow. Isang sulyap niya lang sa akin, sumisigla na ako.

“Your girlfriend is—”

“My girlfriend gave birth to our child…” he cut me off.

Uminit ang pisngi ko at mabilis na nag iwas ng tingin sa kanya. I swallowed hard. My heatbeat is getting wild that it could choke the hell out of me.

What the hell he was talking about? I am not his girlfriend anymore. We broke up before I leave. So, we are not in a relationship, right?

Hindi ako agad nakapagsalita. Gusto kong linawin ang sinabi niya pero tila ako nawalan ng lakas. My knees wobbled at the thought that he still sees me as his girlfriend.

“Please stop talking about me having a damn girlfriend when I can’t even rub you out in my head.” He hissed ruthlessly as if I provoked him.

Gusto ko ’to… gusto kong marinig ang mga nararamdaman niya lalo at tungkol sa akin. Lalo siyang gumagawapo sa paningin ko kapag ganitong galit siya at iritado.

“Why are you mad? I was just wondering about your girlfriend.”

“Stop annoying me, Chantria.”

“I am not. Kalat sa buong La Carlota na may girlfriend ka.”

“I am not a two-timer.”

Nanliit ang mga mata ko. Talaga bang papanindigan niya na girlfriend niya ako?

“Pero kasama mo siya…”

“She needed me. That’s all.”

“Oh, you provided her needs?”

Are they fuck buddies? What kind of needs?

He eyed me sharply. Tila ba gusto niya akong parusahan dahil ginagalit ko siya. Hindi niya nga lang magawa dahil nasa bisig niya ang anak namin.

I remained standing in front of him, crossing my arms above my chest, while arching my eyebrow at him.

But when his gaze drifted to my cleavage, his jaw ticked.

I am wearing a fitted black spaghetti strap top and relaxed pants. My hair fall on my back, which exposed my collarbones, neck, and cleavage.

“Did you?” I urged him to answer.

“I did—”

“You fucked her?” I grimaced.

“Why would I do that?”

“Because that’s probably her needs!”

“It was not.”

“But did you fuck her?”

Humugot siya ng hangin sa dibdib. He suddenly looked stressed. Kulang nalang ay hilutin niya ang sintido niya.

“Chantria, the last time I had sex was when with you. Stop your nonsense, please.”

Kinunot ko ang aking noo para lang pagtakpan ang ligalig na nangyayari sa kaloob looban ako.

Gusto ko pa sanang magsalita ngunit umiyak iyak na si Treyvon. He uses his thumb to suck.

“He wants my milk…” I sat beside Trevor and get our son from him.

I am now used to breastfeed my son. I pulled down the fabric of my top and have him my milk.

“Beautiful…” I heard Trevor mumbled.

I glanced at him and caught him watching me breastfeeding our baby. There’s a glimpse of admiration and gentleness on his eyes. He let Treyvon grip on his thumb. He’s too close I can smell his perfume. His minty breath was hitting my neck. The sensation is electrifying, I had to stay composed.

When he wrapped his one arm around my waist, and rested his lips on my cheek, my heart pounded. I felt the familiar longing that I have with me when I was away from him and it aches me.

“I missed you so bad that it hurts…” he whispered sadly.

23 ~ BABY MOMMA

CHAPTER TWENTY THREE

I shouldn’t be surprise with what Trevor’s wants for us. The moment he saw our son, I know by his looks that he would really demand for his rights as the father. Hindi ko naman sa kanya ipagdadamot ang anak namin. Sa katunayan pa nga ay namamangha ako na ganito siya ka pursigido na tulungan ako sa pag aalaga.

Nandito na naman siya sa mansyon namin. There were times that he also sleeps here to be with my son. My parents allowed him though. Ngayong araw, may dala na siyang extra na mga damit niya. Pakiramdam ko, tatagal kami sa ganitong sitwasyon. Hindi talaga siya pumapayag na lumipas ang araw na hindi niya na bibisita si Treyvon.

“Bakit ang dami mong dalang damit?” Natatawa ako.

From playing with Treyvon with his fingers on our son’s stomach, his attention went back to me. He looked so comfy being on my bed.

“So I don’t need to go back and forth to change my clothes.”

Sinimangutan ko ang itim na duffel bag sa mini living room ng aking silid. I sat at the sofa and watch them having fun staring at each other.

“Kailan ba matatapos ang bahay na pinapagawa mo?”

“Next year pa…”

He told me that he’s is currently building his house and it’s the same street where Tita Safira’s house is located. Hindi ko pa nakikita pero sabi ni Yusef, malaki raw.

“Hindi pa ba babalik sila tita Safira dito sa La Carlota?”

“I don’t hear news about it from Silvano.”

“When was the last time you saw them?”

“Last month, when I was in Manila.”

“How are they?”

“They are good.”

What else I’d ask for us to have a conversation? Para naman hindi lang sa anak namin ang atensyon niya.

“Did you tell your parents about our son?”

Bumalik ang tingin niya sa akin. Unti-unti siyang bumangon pagkatapos niyang hagkan sa noo si Treyvon. Sumigla ako nang maglakad siya palapit sa akin. Naupo siya sa sofa sa tapat ko. He’s sporting a relax white t-shirt and pants. He looks s homey. He smells good too.

Ilang gabi na siyang nakatulog dito sa kwarto ko. Madalas ang pagkakataon na sa akin siya tumatabi. Nagyayakap din kami. Kapag magigising na ako sa umaga, mas lamang na wala na siya dahil kailangan niya nang mag trabaho. There were also times that he’d go here to eat lunch with us.

“I did. They wanna see Treyvon. Is that okay?”

Mabilis akong tumango. “No problem. When they want to see him?”

“I’ll schedule a lunch here this weekend. Is that fine?”

Sa akin, ayos lang. Paano kaya kila mommy? O kay daddy? Hindi ba at galit ang aking ama sa mga Monterell?

“I need to ask my parents…”

“I’ll ask them.”

I shifted on my sit. I’ve always known him having a powerful confidence around him even before that he didn’t have money yet. This time, I can see how he carries himself so maturely like a real man.

“Aren’t you scared with my dad?”

Trevor shook his head. “What would I?”

Naaalala niya pa ba ang sinabi ko sa kanya sa gitna ng ulan noon? Na galit sa kanya ang aking ama at hindi suportado ang relasyo namin?

Iba na nga pala ang sitwasyon niya ngayon. He’s successful and stabled, he probably has nothing to worry about but his works to be done smoothly. There’s nothing to be afraid of. Especially when you know who you really are and what you can do.

“I just remembered that my father didn’t like you for me before…”

“Things are different now, Chantria.”

Totoo. Ibang iba na nga siya. May ipagmamalaki na siya. Matatag na ang buhay niya at trabaho. Hindi na siya ’yong lalaki na nagbubuhat ng mabibigat na sako ng mga tubo para lang magkapera siya at matustusan ang kanyang pag aaral.

“Whenever you talk to my dad, ano naman ang pinag uusapan niyo?”

May mga pagkakataon na nag uusap sila ni daddy habang nag iinom. Hindi ako nakialam ni minsan sa kanila. Hindi ko rin inalam kung ano ang pinag uusapan nila. I was always curious though. I can’t handle that curiosity anymore.

“About my work… business world… engineering or architectural staff…”

My father is an Architect. He’s very passionate in building a house. That’s why we have the Alcander Homes.

“Hindi ka niya pinapagalitan?”

The glimpse of amusement on his eyes was seen.

“Bakit niya ako pagagalitan?”

“Dahil… nabuntis mo ako ng maaga…”

When my father discovered that I was pregnant, he was really upset. Pero hindi naman din nagtagal ang galit niya. Natanggap niya rin agad na may anak ako kay Trevor at sinuportahan kaming mag ina.

“Nangyari na. Sa ngayon, gusto kong itama ang lahat nang pagkakamali natin, Chantria. Mag umpisa ulit tayo…” kinuha niya ang aking kamay.

Ano ang ibig niyang sabihin? Magkakabalikan ba kami? Gusto niya pa rin ba ako kahit na iniwan ko siya at itinago sa kanya ang anak namin?

When Trevor carefully pulled me towards him, it felt like I was cotton ball that went where the air would take me. I pursed my lips when I found myself sitting on his lap.

Napalunok ako. Our position affects me so much. Matagal na hindi ko ito nagawa. Kaya ngayon ay ramdam ko ang mga paru-paro na nagkakagulo sa loob ng aking tiyan. Bigla akong natameme at nanghina.

His one arm is around me while his other hand is on my thigh. I am already wearing a beige silk slip dress for bed. My skin is expose, I feel his callous warm palm. Since my hair is in messy low bun, my nape and neck can sense any breathings from him.

Gusto ko nalang pumikit at damhin itong ganitong pagdidikit namin. Sabik na sabik pa rin ako sa kanya. Hindi ko na maipaliwanag kung paano ko nagagawang magtimpi.

“What do you mean?” Malamyos ang boses ko.

“Let’s get back together…”

Hindi ako makatingin sa kanya kahit pa alam kong nakatitig siya sa mukha ko. My gaze was on our son who’s about to fall asleep. Magpapabili na ako ng crib niya sa daddy niya. Para hindi namin siya ma-istorbo sa kama.

Ano bang ’tong iniisip ko? Paano naman siya maiistorbo? May gagawin ba kami ni Trevor sa kama ko?

Ang tagal na rin nang huli kong naramdaman ang klase ng kaluguran na kasama siya. Hindi ko ipagkakaila na nakakasabik at nakakamiss gawin ’yon. I would only do it with him.

“Hindi mo ba talaga girlfriend ’yong beauty queen?” I asked to make sure.

“Hindi.”

“Nagkikita pa ba kayo?”

His thick eyebrows shot up, amuse. “Minsan…”

Lumiit ang mga mata ko. Ano ang dahilan bakit pa sila nagkikita? Tuwing kailan at saan?

“Bakit?”

“For what?”

“For work.”

Ayokong maniwala na trabaho lang. I want to really make sure that he’s not lying to me!

Humalukipkip ako. I caught him looking at my cleavage. He can really distracted by my breasts. Hindi pa rin siya nagbabago? Nakukuha pa rin ng dibdib ko ang atensyon niya sa ganitong paraan lang.

“So, are you guys workmate?”

“I engineered the office building of his father in Bacolod. Pero tapos na ’yon.”

“Kung tapos na, bakit pa kayo nagkikita?”

“She just wanna thank me.”

“I doubt it.”

He sighed. “Hindi naging kami.”

“Pero sweet kayo?”

“Hindi rin.”

Ano nga ulit ang sabi ng mga kaibigan niya? Na kapag kasama niya ’yong beauty queen na ’yon ay mukha silang miserable pareho?

Marahan na hinaplos niya ang aking hita. I quivered with the sensualityI get from his touch. I had to stay mad so that he won’t notice that it affected me.

“Liligawan ulit kita…” malambing na sabi niya.

Kinunot ko ang aking noo ngunit sa totoo lang, gusto nang sumugat ng ngiti sa aking labi.

Imagine, we already have a son, and yet he still wants to court me. Kayang-kaya ko sa kanyang sabihin ngayon na kami na ulit. Pero hindi ko ito gagawin. Magpapakipot muna ako. Besides, I missed having all his attention. Katulad nang ginawa niya sa akin noon. Gusto kong malaya niyang ibigay sa akin ang atensyon at oras niya.

“Ihahatid sa eskwelahan, susunduin, bibilhan ng bulaklak, bibigyan ng mga regalo, dadalhin sa mamahalin na restaurant, isasakay sa maayos na sasakyan, at maglalakbay tayo kung saan mo man gusto…” he whispered gently.

Tuluyan nang kumawala ang ngiti ko. I can imagine us doing all these freely. He can surely do all that because he’s now has the means to make these happen.

“Ngayon ko tutuparin ang mga bagay na pangarap kong gawin sa ’yo dahil wala akong sapat na pera noon para matupad ang mga ito.”

Parang kinukurot ang puso ko. Hindi ko akalain na may mga ganito siyang lihim na pangarap para sa akin. Ngayon na kaya niya nang gawin ang mga ito, sino ako para pigilan siya?

“Kaya sana payagan mo ako na gawin ang mga pangarap ko…” nagsusumamo ang boses niya.

Hinaplos ko ang panga niya. His rough stubble against my soft palm was felt. Nakatingala siya sa akin, mataman akong tinitigan, tila pilit iginuguhit ang bawat parte ng aking mukha sa kanya isipan upang hindi niya makalimutan.

“Let’s fulfill your dreams for me.” I smiled warmly at him.

Dumaan sa mga mata niya ang ligaya at ginhawa.

“Payag na ako na ligawan mo kahit may anak na tayo. Gusto ko ulit ng atensyon at oras mo…”

“I am really busy right now but I can always make time for you and our son.” He planted a kiss on my shoulder.

“Dito ka muna uuwi sa amin pagkatapos ng trabaho mo?”

“That’s my plan. But I still need to talk to your parents about this.”

“Let’s talk with them. Gusto kong marinig din nila galing sa akin na gusto ko ito.”

Niyakap niya ako at isiniksik ang mukha niya sa aking leeg.

I rested my hand on his shoulder while stroking his nape. This feeling is very satisfying. Ang billis kong makuntento kapag ganitong nasa piling ko siya… kapag ganitong yakap niya ako. Sumisigla ako, nawawalang ng problema, at sumasaya ang puso ko.

Trevor was laying behind me. In front of me is Treyvon who’s now sleeping.

“We need to buy him a crib.” I said with my low tone.

“Can we do it on weekend? Do you think you can travel to Bacolod?”

“I can. I will just bring my breast pump with me.”

Kinagat ko ang aking labi nang gumapang ang palad niya sa ilalim ng slip dress ko at umakyat sa aking dibdib. Kilalang-kilala niya pa rin ang katawan ko. Sanay na sanay pa rin siya na tila ba hindi kami nagkalayo ng matagal.

“Trevor…” I can’t help but giggled.

“These get bigger…” he whispered while massaging my boobs.

“Full of milk.”

“I wonder what it tastes like.” Para siyang nagpaparinig na gusto niyang tikman ang gatas ko.

Mariin akong pumikit nang sumaboy sa aking mukha ang apoy. I can imagine him sucking my nipple and make the milk come out.

“Gusto mong tikman?” Naliliyo na tanong ko.

“Can I?”

“You can…”

Bumangon siya agad na para bang excited siya. I leered at him when our eyes met. I see the amusement on his face.

“Go ahead…” I urged him with smirk.

He bite his bottom lip. Namumungay ang mga mata niya. Sa palagay ko, magiging masaya ang gabi niya. Baka kapag natikmay niya, ulit-ulitin niya pa?

He pulled down the strap of my slip dress revealing my breasts. He’s sitting at the space beside me, looking like he’s getting drunk. Napalunok siya nang makita niya ang kabuuan ng dibdib ko.

When he leaned closer and started to planted a kiss all over my chest, I gasped softly. The sensation is too sweet. I missed his kisses on my skin. I stroked his head when I felt my nipple covered with his hot mouth.

At first, he sucks gently, tasting my milk. But I noticed that his pace has changed after a few minutes. Gumagana na rin ang isang kamay niya para masahiin ang kabilang dibdib ko. Napadaing ako nang naramdaman ko ang tila panggigigil niya habang sumisipsip.

“Trevor…” malambing na tawag ko sa kanya habang hinahaplos ang ulo niya. “…mmm…”

He looked up on me behind his thick eyelashes. His eyes were filled with satisfaction. I watched him how he sucked my nipple like a big thirsty baby.

“I thought you just want to taste my milk…” I chuckled with my voice sounded like I was flirting with him.

“Hmm…”

“Did you like it?”

“Yeah.”

“Please, suck the other one.” I begged.

Trevor being obedient, he moved to another nipple to suck.

Mahihinang daing ang kumawala mula sa labi ko. I had to control the sounds that I made because I didn’t wanna disturb our baby.

I winced when I felt him really suckled hard each nipple. Daig niya pa ang naiwan sa desyerto sa sobrang pagkasabik at pagkauhaw niya na sipsipin ang gatas ko. It feels good though.

“May kaagaw na si Treyvon sa gatas ko. Mmm…”

“I don’t think you’d need a breast pump when we leave.” He smirked.

Ngumuso ako. Namumungay na rin ang mga mata ko. I feel my skin is getting warm. Pamilyar sa akin ang pakiramdam na ito.

“Ang bilis mong masanay sa milk ko.”

He stuck out his tongue and licked the dripping milk from my nipple without breaking our eye contact. I watched him do that and I swear, I feel something else… something sensual.

“Trevor…” hinaplos ko ang balikat niya.

Alam kong naramdaman niya ang pananabik ko. I sighed in satisfaction when I felt his large finger rubbing the fabric of my underwear. Ipinikit ko ang aking mga mata at dinama ang kaluguran. While he’s sucking my twin peak, his fingers were now on my wetness.

I can’t control my moans. Umaalpas talaga sa aking kabi ang mga daing nang kaligayahan. Hindi ko na rin makaya pa na huwag magpatupok sa apoy. Naramdaman ko lang lalo ang matinding pananabik sa kanya dahil sa ginagawa niya sa akin.

“Trevor…” I sucked my breath when his kisses travelled down to my stomach.

He parted my legs to accommodation himself. Hinawi niya ang ang underwear ko bago ko naramdaman ang magagaan na halik niya sa aking mga hita.

“Lower down your moans, please?” He looked up on me, eyes were yearning.

I nodded my head while chewing my lips. I grip his other hand and use it to cover my mouth as I anticipated his next sensual move. I am so thrilled, my body is aching, and I am clouded by desire. I am so ready for him. It made something inside of me throbbed.

“Let me taste my baby-momma…” he whispered huskily.

My body writhed when I felt his hot tongue glided sensually against my flesh. I have to suck his thumb to stop my loud moan.

24 ~ PILLS

CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR

While traveling to Bacolod, I couldn’t make a straight face because our love making was really making my cheeks heated whenever I think about it. I have to always furrowed my eyebrows to suppress my blush and pouting.

Simula nang ginawa namin ulit iyon pagkatapos no’ng huli, palaging nasusundan dahil sa amin siya natutulog. Sometimes, we do that in my bathroom so that my moans won’t disturb our child. This morning, we did it again. He made me grip on the marble sink while he was taking me from behind.

Masyado yata kaming mabilis? Ganito ba talaga? Habang nililigawan niya ulit ako, para pa rin kaming may relasyon? Katulad lang no’ng dati. While he was courting me, we were kissing and making out.

“What are you thinking? Hmm?” Trevor held my hand on my thigh.

Today, he’s sporting a navy blue t-shirt. Yumayakap ang sleeves sa muscles ng kanyang braso. Ngayon na mas malinawanag ang paligid, banaag ko ang mga galit na ugat na nakalapat sa balat niya pababa sa likod ng palad niya. His veins were defined compared before. His body has matured as well as the way he speaks and moves.

Sa tuwing naiisip ko na mataas na ang narating niya, natutuwa talaga ako. I witnessed his burning dedication before. I knew that he can reach his goals in life. Hindi siya papayag na hindi siya maging matagumpay. Hindi siya papayag na tatapak-tapakan siya at kakaya-kayanin ng kung sino. He has built his walls not to only protect himself but to also secure what he’d get what he wants in this life.

At nakakatuwang isipin na sa kabila ng mga tagumpay niya ngayon, may mga pangarap pa rin siya noon na gusto niyang tuparin. Katulad nalang nang mga pangarap niya sa akin. I am honored because even if I left him, he still sees me being part of his journey to success. He still wants to make his dreams for me happen.

Kailangan ko rin masigurado sa sarili ko na sa pagkakataon na ito, dalawa na kaming maglalakbay patungo sa mga gusto niyang gawin kasama ako. That’s why, I shouldn’t get pregnant again. We are becoming aggressive and I couldn’t stop making love with him. Kung mabuntis ulit ako, hindi na naman namin magagawa ang mga plano niya.

“I’m thinking to take… uh, birth control,” my voice was low and a bit raspy.

I swallowed to make my throat clear.

Mabilis lang ang naging sulyap sa akin ni Trevor dahil abala ang mga mata niya sa daan sa harap namin. Ilang sandali nalang ay makakarating na kami sa Bacolod. We are going to buy crib and our son’s other needs. I also have plan to drop in drug store for my pills.

“Okay…” he kissed the back of my hand.

“Daan tayo sa drug store. I’ll buy a couple of box.”

Tumango siya. Walang pagtutol sa kanya. Suportado niya ako sa desisyon kong ito. He’s probably thinking that this is better for us.

“Yeah. You better start taking your pills. Baka mabuntis na naman kita kung hindi.” He smirked.

I laughed a bit. Funny how this topic is suddenly normal to me. Hindi na ako nahihiya sa kanya na magsabi ng tungkol sa mga gusto kong gawin upang makaiwas kami sa hindi na naman na inaasahan na pagbubuntis ko.

I think, it is also better if we are very open to each other? We can discuss things especially if it’s about our future. I want us to make a plans for us and for our little family. For now, my priority is not to get pregnant. Sa mga susunod na araw, bubuksan ko ang pag uusap tungkol sa kinabukasan namin.

“I still need to finish my studies. So, hindi talaga ako puwedeng mabuntis, Trevor.”

“I know. I don’t want you going to school while having a big stomach.”

“Bago mag umpisa ang klase, Treyvon needs to get use with his bottle milk.”

Nasabihan na rin naman ako nila mommy na ganito ang gagawin ko. I can’t just leave my class, go back home, and breastfeed my son. I hope my baby wouldn’t miss me that much when I go back to school.

“Right. How ’bout your milk?”

“I will bring breast pump nalang.”

“I can drive to your school to get your milk and bring to our son.”

I smiled. That’s a good idea! Sayang din kasi ang gatas ko kung itatapon lang. Ang dami pa naman.

“If you have time for that, sure.”

“I will always time for you and Treyvon.”

Magaan ang pakiramdam ko ngayon. Palagi kasing maayos ang tulog ko at nakakapagpahinga talaga ako. Kahit na madalas na gising sa gabi ang anak namin, si Trevor naman ang nagbabantay. He’d only wake me up if our son needs my milk.

When we arrived in Mall, we’ve started buying things that’s on my list. I also bought some new clothes for Treyvon and cute shoes. We rarely shop when we were in California because it’s too expensive there. Kaya ngayon ako bumabawi. Besides, I know Trevor has money now. He told me to get all we need.

He was following me while pushing the big cart. Malaya niya lang din akong pinapanood sa bawat galaw ko.

“I need new brassieres. Ang sikip na sa akin ng mga ginagamit ko ngayon.” I mumbled.

“Go ahead. Buy everything you need.”

Pumihit ako sa harap niya habang hawak ang baby shoes.

“Marami ka na talagang pera?” namamangha pa rin ako.

“Nag ipon talaga ako para sa ’yo,” there’s a sly smile on his lips. “So I can spoil you.”

Lumapit ako sa kanya. I tiptoed and kissed his lips. My one hand is placed on his broad chest.

“Spoiled naman ako sa ’yo kahit dati pa, ha.”

“But not this way,” he leaned and kissed my forehead. “Thank you for staying when I was poor and broke.”

I giggled.

Well, I didn’t really mind that he didn’t how money that time. Wala naman akong pakialam sa pera dahil mayro’n akong allowance dati. Gusto ko lang talaga siya kaya palagi akong sumasama sa kanya. I just didn’t expect to hear from him that he had issue with money because he never mentioned it to me before.

“I never thought of you being poor. Your family is rich, you just didn’t choose comfort that time. When I saw you carrying heavy sacks of sugarcanes, I was amazed by you. I admired you more for that.” I gave him a warm smile.

Namungay ang mga mata niya habang nakatitig sa akin.

“All my hardships are paid off.” He muttered.

“And you deserved this success so much, Trevor.”

“I wanna share this success with you,” his eyes were full of adoration for me. “You were with me during my wavy journey, I want you to be with me with this victory.”

My heart hammered inside my chest. He’s making me emotional. Tears formed my eyes.

Hindi ko naman inisip noon ang ganito—na sa tingin niya ay nakatulong ako sa kanya habang naghihirap at nagsisikap siyang makalapit sa mga pangarap niya. He didn’t know that he helped me too. Because during that time when we were together, I was broken inside. With him, I found comfort. Binigyan niya ako ng lugar para makapagpahinga no’ng mga oras na ang sarili kong tahanan ay unti-unting nasisira.

Trevor and I have a very good relation. We also making sure that we have a clear communication to stay away from any misunderstandings. When we talked to my parents about him, sleeping with me and my son, they agreed. My mother talked to me alone and told me to take good care of myself and avoid being pregnant again.

“We want you to finish your study. We want you to be successful. And I am sure that’s what Trevor wants for you too. That’s why I am reminding you to be more careful this time. Take birth control or a shot. It’s for you own betterment and safety, anak.”

Now that she has mentioned these things to me, it only gives me determination to start taking a pills. Hindi na dapat kami magpadalos-dalos ngayon ni Trevor. Kahit na kaya niya na kaming suportahan ng anak ko o ang magiging anak pa namin, hindi pa rin ito ang tamang panahon para mabuntis ulit ako.

I have my own dreams too, that I wanted to achieved. I want to be successful too. I want my son to be proud of me. That even though I got pregnant at the young age, I still able to finish my studies and achieved my dreams.

What are my dreams by the way?

Para sa isang katulad ko na lumaki sa marangyang paraan, hindi ako nagkaro’n masyado ng mga mithiin na mahirap abutin. Ever since, I just wanted to finish college, have my degree and diploma. From there, I’d ask my father if I can work in Alcander Homes. My parents never pressured me to study hard though. Even though I am aware that I am the only one who would manage our company, it didn’t worried me that much. Hindi rin kasi ako pinipilit ni daddy sa bagay na ito.

Now that I have a son, I have discovered new dreams. I want Treyvon to be proud of me as his mother. Gusto kong nasa tabi niya ako habang lumalaki siya, habang sinasalubong niya ang bawat hakbang patungo sa buhay na ito. Ang pangarap ko ay bigyan siya ng maraming pagmamahal at oras upang hindi niya na hanapin ang mga ito sa ibang tao.

If my father wouldn’t force me to work in our company, I’d be really fine. I love taking good care of my baby though. Hindi ako magsasawa na palagi siyang alagaan at mahalin. Handa akong gawin ito araw-araw. Besides, I do not need to worry about how we would survive this life. Trevor has assured me that he will take care of me and our son.

We are in Playa Azure now with friends. I am sitting at the sun lounger while Trevor is behind me. We took this day us our quality time together. Iniwan muna namin si Treyvon kila mommy.

“Marunong ka pa rin?” My eyes twinkled.

“I think so..” he was carefully braiding my hair. “Haven’t done this for a long while…”

No’ng sinabi niya sa akin na handa siyang magtutong mag braid, ginawa niya talaga ’yon noon. He always found me very pretty when my hair is braided. This is really the main reason why he wanted to learn so he could do it to me.

“Indeed that love is sweeter the second time around!” Yusef occupied the sun lounger on our left side.

“Why are you still single?” I teased him.

“Because I focused with myself and studies, Chantria.”

“Where’s Zayas?”

“Busy.”

“Wala ka pa rin love life…”

He rolled his eyes on me. He’s laying on his sun lounger while sipping his mocktails. He looked clean and fresh with linen set of outfit.

“Nakaalis na ako lahat lahat, nagkaanak, at nagkabalikan na kami ni Trevor, wala pa rin nagpapakilig sa ’yo?”

“Ikaw, ha! Nang iinggit ka lang eh!”

Tumawa ako at malambing na humilig sa dibdib ni Trevor. He’s finally done braiding my hair.

““Hindi, ah!” Tanggi ko, nangingiti pa rin.

Trevor wrapped my waist with his arms. He then rested his lips on my cheek.

“Sana makatagpo ka na ng para sa ’yo, Yusef. Hindi naman puwedeng ako lang ang masaya.”

“Manligaw kaya ako ng babae?”

I frowned. Kaya niya ba ’yon? Eh, kahit sa akin nga, nandidiri siya kapag tumatabi ako sa kanya!

“Try mo? Marami naman maganda rito sa La Carlota…”

“Ayoko pala. Baka mandiri lang ako.”

Hinaplos ko ang malaking braso ni Trevor. I tried to look at him but our lips touched. I didn’t have intention to kiss him. I just wanna see his reaction. Pero talagang kaunting pagdidikit lang ng mga labi namin, nauuwi kami sa malalim na halikan.

I whimpered softly when he inserted his tongue inside my mouth and explored every inch. Humihina na ang pagkapit ko sa braso niya, nalulunod ako sa halik niya. Nakakatunaw talaga.

While my eyes were closed, I also inserted my tongue on his mouth. I mimicked his every moves. Ang galing niya talagang humalik. Lalo pa siyang naging magaling!

I heard Yusef sighed loudly in so much bitterness.

When Trevor’s hand caressed my stomach, I feel the tingling sensation inside of me. Kaunti nalang, aayain ko na siya sa cabana namin para ipagpatuloy na paapuyin ang init sa pagitan namin.

“Hindi pa rin sila nagbabago. Ang hilig pa rin maglaplapan!” I heard Dalary’s voice from somewhere.

Tumawa si Glenda. “Hindi na ako mag iiwas ng tingin. Nasanay na ako sa kanila.”

“Baka kamo sanay ka na rin makipaghalikan dahil kay Omar?”

“Oo. Bakit? May reklamo ka?”

Dalary screamed but in a controlled way. “Hindi ka na rin virgin? Umamin ka!”

“Tara na sa dagat!”

I am panting when Trevor let go of my lips. Namimigat ang talukap ng aking mga mata. Tila ako lasing at inaantok.

“Do you wanna go to our cabana?” His voice was tempting.

I nodded my head with small smile. I saw the smirk on his lips.

The moment Trevor locked the door of our cabana, we attacked each other with feverish kiss. He lifted me and made my legs wrapped around his waist. He turned around which made me feel the curtain against the door.

I am clouded by desire. Palagi pa rin kaming sabik sa isa’t isa kahit na sigurado naman kami na hindi na ulit maghihiwalay. We made sure that nothing could ever break us apart.

I gasped when he entered me. He’s gripping my ass to keep me in place. He’s so erect, so massive, I can’t control my moans. My arms were wrapped around his nape to support myself. We resumed our torrid kiss while he was rocking my femininity. I can feel the glass door against my back body due to his harsh movements.

Bahagya akong tumingala nang napunta sa aking leeg ang mapusok na mga halik niya. I closed my eyes and feel the sweet satisfaction of having him inside of me while he’s kissing my neck and throat.

“Ohh… ohhh… Trevor…”

Sabik na sabik niya akong inaangkin na tila ba ito ang unang beses pagkatapos ng matagal na paghihiwalay namin. Ang bawat pagsagad niya sa aking loob ay nagbibigay kiliti sa aking tiyan. My skin gets so warm like it was burning.

Napasinghap ako nang makita ko kung paano bumaba ang mga halik niya sa aking dibdib. I am still wearing my white bikini top. He used his teeth to pulled down the fabric so he can lick my nipple.

“Trevor…” my voice sounded sexy, I couldn’t believe this.

The cabana filled my moans. His heavy breathings added fuel to the fire in my body. The sounds that our bodies made as being one, the echoes of the way he sucks my nipples, gave chills to my spine. I’m having too much pleasure, it’s giving me a goosebumps.

I blushed when I saw how he licked my milk. Gustung-gusto niya talaga ang gatas ko. Minsan, mas nauuna pa siya tikman, bago pa magising ang anak namin.

My body quivered when he buried himself deeper. He rested his thickness inside of me like that’s where it belong. He then tilted his head, while eyes were tightly closed, before I felt him loaded me with his warm semen. I leaned to kiss his parted lips.

25 ~ LOVE

CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE

I am waiting for Trevor to pick up the bottled milk from me. I am sitting at the bench near the parking lot of our school. I hide the bottles inside a tote bag. Though some of my schoolmates knew about me having a child, still, I didn’t want it to be the reason for them to talk about me.

Hindi medaling maglihim dito sa La Carlota. Mabilis kumalat ang mga balita rito na animo may mga pakpak. When my classmates asked me about having a child, I didn’t lie. I confirmed it. I built a wall too. I don’t want people to talk about me and my son.

Kinayawan ko si Solaris nang makita ang paglalakad niya patungo sa akin. She’s still very pretty. But I can see that something has changed the way she smiles or even the way her eyes sparked. I think, I know the reasons.

“Hi Solaris!” I greeted her.

“Hello, Chantria. Can I sit?”

“Sure.” Umusog ako para may tamang espasyo siya sa aking tabi. “Wala kang klase?”

“Wala pa. Bakit ka nandito?”

“I was waiting for Trevor. He needs to pick up this…” I showed her what’s inside the bag.

Solaris giggled. “Ang cute! I wanna see Treyvon again.”

“We’ll visit in Playa Azure this week. Isasama namin siya para makita mo rin.”

“I can take care of him too.”

I smiled at her. I realized that she likes kids. She’s also only child. But she likes kids more than me. Kaya ko lang nagustuhan ngayon ang mga bata ay dahil may anak na ako. I appreciated kids more.

“Hindi ka ba abala?”

Umiling siya. “Wala na akong ginagawa tuwing weekends. Hindi katulad dati…”

Umihip ang hangin. Tinangay nito ang mga tuyong dahon sa lupa, kasabay nang pagbagsak ng ilan mula sa puno. The umber hues of the afternoon sunlight was like a warm caress in our skin.

Solaris’ eyes filled with untold melancholy. I could feel her sorrow just by looking at her.

“Hindi na ba kayo nagkausap ulit?” Marahan na tanong ko.

“Hindi na.”

“Did you try to reach out?”

“I wanted to, but I tried not to.”

I have no idea yet why Silvano and tita Safira left La Carlota. Until now, they are not back yet. But, would they come back though?

I don’t wanna be nosy. But if Solaris wants to tell me things about her and her feelings, I am willing to listen. Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya at marahan na pinisil.

“Kung kailangan mo ng makakausap, handa akong makinig sa ’yo, Solaris.”

Ngumiti siya at nangilid ang luha sa mga mata niya.

“Salamat, Chantria. I appreciate your concern.”

“I know the feeling of being away from the one you love. It was tormenting. My heart was filled with sorrow and longing. I hope that like me, you would get through all the sadness and heartbreaks.”

Solaris sobs then she suddenly hugged me. Tahimik siyang umiyak sa aking balikat. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang kalungkutan niya. I can relate to her because this is exactly how I felt when I was away from Trevor. Sa pagkakataon na ito, ang kaibigan ko naman ang malayo sa lalaking alam kong mahal niya.

Hinaplos ko ang kanyang likod.

“I hope Silvano comes back.” I croaked.

“Galit ako sa kanya pero palagi pa rin akong naghihintay na bumalik siya…” nababasag ang boses niya.

I have something to talk about with Trevor. I wanna know what happened. He probably has idea. He still has communication with Silvano.

“Babalik siya. Babalikan ka niya.” Alo ko sa kanya.

Magagalit din ako kay Silvano kung hindi siya babalik dito. He needs to come back so that Solari would be back to being friendly, lovely, and happy. Ngayon kasi, palagi siyang tila walang gana. Pumapasok nalang yata siya sa eskwelahan dahil kailangan niya. Wala na siyang inspirasyon.

When Solaris is done crying. She chuckled while wiping her tears.

“I think, I’m gonna have my period soon kaya I’m emotional today.” She pursed her lips.

“You can always text or call me, Solaris. Pupuntahan kita kapag kailangan mo ako.”

“Talaga? Paano ang baby mo?”

“Huwag kang mag alala. Maraming nag aalaga sa baby ko.”

“Isama rin natin si Charlotta.”

“Oo naman. I will call her later. Basta, text me, huh?”

Ngumiti siya at tumango-tango. Namumula ang tungki ng ilong niya.

“Sige! We can do it this weekend.” Tumayo siya at nagpaalam na sa akin.

After a while, I saw Trevor’s car going to where I am. He rolled down the window on his side. I pursed my lips when I got the glimpse of him. He’s on his dark aviator, looking hot with his black polo.

Hindi ko na siya hinintay na bumaba sa sasakyan. I handed him the bag. Kinuha niya at inilapag sa kabilang upuan. I leaned my head so that I can kiss his lips. I smirked when I felt his hand on my nape so that we can kiss a little big longer.

“Ang guwapo mo naman…” malambing na sabi ko sabay haplos sa kanyang panga.

The side of his lip curved up arrogantly.

“Parang binata pa rin,” my eyes twinkled. “Ang dami sigurong nagkaka crush sa ’yo sa site?”

Marahan siyang natawan. “Nah. They know I have a girlfriend and we have a child.”

“Kilala nila ako?”

“Some of them know you. Some are curious.”

“Minsan, sasama ako sa site niyo.”

“Sure. I’d like you to meet some of my colleagues.”

Masaya akong tumango. “Sunduin mo ako mamaya, huh? My class will end at three.”

“You don’t have class at four?”

“Wala. Kaya maaga akong makakauwi. Miss ko na ang baby ko. Tumawag sa ’kin si mommy kanina, umiiyak daw si Treyvon.”

He sighed. “He missed his mommy…”

“Maybe he misses you too. He misses playing with daddy.”

He caresses my cheek with his thumb. “Hindi na ako babalik sa site. Ako muna ang mag aalaga sa kanya habang wala ka pa.”

“He’d love that. Come here before three, okay?”

“I will.”

We kissed again before he left.

Pagkabalik ko sa classroom, nagkakagulo na ang mga kaklase ko. Si Yusef naman ay nakaupo lang at maarteng namamaypay.

“Bakit ang ingay?” I asked him as I sat on my chair beside him.

“They wanted to go to Playa Azure this weekend. Sana hindi sila matuloy. Ayoko silang makita ro’n.”

“Nag usap kami ni Solaris kanina. Umiyak siya…”

“Kahit ako iiyak kapag iniwan ako ng mahal ko ’no!”

“Alam mo ba kung bakit biglang umalis sila Silvano?”

“Alam mo kung sino ang sa tingin ko nakakaalam? Si Grego at Trevor. Sila kaya ang tanungin mo?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I will ask Trevor.”

“Sabihin mo sa ’kin kapag may nasagap kang information, huh?”

“Oo naman.”

“This weekend, let’s talk about it. Kawawa naman si Solaris, siya nalang ang malungkot. Samantalang kayo ni Charlotta, buhay na buhay ang love life niyo.”

I grinned at him. “We deserved this. After all that we’ve been though, we deserved this happiness.”

“Babalik kaya ’yon si Silvano? Kung hindi, bahala siya. Ang daming nanliligaw kay Solaris ngayon. Dati kasi binabakuran niya kaya walang nagtatangka. Ngayon lang nagkaro’n ng pagkakataon ang mga lalaki sa La Carlota na manligaw.”

“Pagselosin niya kaya si Silvano? O kaya let’s use Grego and Trevor, let’s ask them to tell their friend that Solaris’ already has a boyfriend here. Ewan ko nalang kung hindi siya mataranta.”

Humagikhik si Yusef. “Oo nga ’no? Pag usapan natin ’yan sa weekend. Sana naman makipag cooperate ’yong dalawa.”

“Akong bahala kay Trevor at si Charlotta ang bahala kay Grego. Hindi sila makakatanggi sa amin!”

Nang matapos na ang klase namin, sabay kaming nagpunta ni Yusef sa parking area. Naabutan namin doon si Charlotta at Solaris. Agad kaming nagyakap yakap na akala mo hindi nagkita ng ilang taon.

“This weekend, huh? Sa Playa Azure tayo.”

“Yes. Ako na ang bahala sa cabana. Don’t book anything. It’s on me.” Solaris told us.

“Sa weekend na rin natin pag usapan ang tungkol sa naisip namin ni Chantria.” Yusef grinned.

Namimilog ang mga mata ng dalawang babae sa harap ko.

“What is it all about?” Solaris was curious.

“Oo nga, Yusef. Ano ba ang pag uusapan natin? Bakit sa weekend pa?” Charlotta’s eyes were confused.

“Basta! Sa weekend na natin pag usapan ang lahat. I will make some notes din para hindi ko makalimutan ang mga naiisip ko.”

“Charlotta, isama mo si Grego, huh?”

“Palagi naman siyang sumasama kapag may lakad ako, Chantria.”

“Hindi mo lang napapansin na itinali na ni Grego ang sarili niya sa bewang mo Charlotta. Kaya palaging nakasunod sa ’yo ’yon.”

Naghagikhikan kami.

“Protective lang talaga ang boyfriend ko, Yusef.”

“Hmm! Virgin ka pa ba?”

Charlotta blushed. She avoided our gazes.

“Nadungisan ka na talaga ni Grego!” Yusef dramatically grimaced.

“Si Solaris nalang yata ang birhen sa inyong tatlo eh?”

Solaris winced. Nag iwas din siya ng tingin. Namumula rin ang magkabilang pisngi niya.

Nasapo ni Yusef ang noo niya. He suddenly looked problematic.

Bakit pa ba ako mabibigla kung hindi na siya birhen? Palagi rin siyang nasa silid ni Silvano dati. Madalas rin silang nahuhuli ni tita Safira na naghahalikan. Naalala ko na nag usap din kami tungkol sa kiss mark. Sa dibdib siya nilalagyan ni Silvano. Kaya… baka hindi na rin siya birhen?

“Kailangan na talagang bumalik dito ni Silvano. May babalikan talaga siya rito.” I said with determination.

Nang dumating na ang mga sundo namin, nagpaalam na kami sa isa’t isa.

“Alam mo ba kung bakit umalis sila Silvano?” Tanong ko sa kanya habang binabaybay ang daan pauwi sa mansyon.

I don’t want to let this day pass without asking him about this matter. I want to help Solaris. Nalulungkot ako para sa kaibigan ko.

“I don’t know their exact reason why they suddenly left.”

“You didn’t ask him?”

“I tried not to.”

“May plano pa ba silang bumalik dito?”

Trevor held my hand. “Why are you asking?”

“Because of Solaris…”

“Babalik ’yon.” He sounded so certain about it.

“Talaga? Kailan kaya?”

“Probably soon?” He assumed.

Hindi ako mapakali! I shifted on my sit. I want more information. Damn it! Siguradong matutuwa si Solaris kapag nalaman niya na babalik naman pala si Silvano.

“Paano mo nasabi?”

“Well, tita Safira asked me to hire people to renovate and clean their house.”

Namimilog ang mga mata ko. My lips parted. Umaahon ang saya ko para kay Solaris.

“When did the renovation start?”

“Last week…”

“Trevor, why you didn’t tell me?”

“I wanted surprise you. Dadalhin sana kita ro’n kapag tapos na.”

I can’t stop but screamed a bit. “Ipaayos mo rin ang kwarto mo ro’n, ha? I missed that place.”

“I’ll make sure nobody would hear your moans there.” He winked at me which made me blushed.

“We only kissed and made out there. It’s time to make new memories there…” I gave him a naughty smile.

“We will.”

Mabilis lang na lumipas ang mga araw. Weekend came and I am very energetic. Nasa Playa Azure na ang mga kaibigan namin nang dumating kami. Pinakarga ko sa kanila si Treyvon habang nilalagay ng mga staff ang gamit namin sa cabana. We will here stay for a night.

“Bawal pang mabuntis si Charlotta. Marami pang beauty pageants na sasalihan ’yan.”

Inakbayan ni Grego ang girlfriend niya at naglambingan na silang dalawa.

“Ano ba ang pag uusapan natin?” Tanong ni Solaris.

“Ito na nga…” Yusef started to say his plans.

Humilig ako kay Trevor. He’s carrying our son on his arms.

“Paano? Kailangan na may mag panggap na boyfriend niya?” Charlotta asked innocently.

“Oo. Then we will post the pictures in Solaris’ social media. Siguro naman Silvano was stalking her online?” Yusef raise this eyebrows to Trevor and Grego for confirmation.

“I don’t know?” Grego smirked.

“What do you think?” I whispered to Trevor.

“He probably stalk her.” He whispered back.

“Sino naman ang kunyaring boyfriend ko?” Solaris seems fine with this.

“Si Yusef nalang?” Charlotta pointed Yusef.

Madrama na itinuro ni Yusef ang sarili niya. “Bakit ako? Hindi maniniwala si Silvano!”

“Sabihin nalang natin na si Solaris na ang gusto mo?” I suggested.

“Ayoko! Huwag ako! Hindi ako magaling magpanggap!”

“Eh, sino nalang?”

“Isa nalang sa mga nanliligaw mo, Solaris. May college students ba na nanliligaw sa ’yo?”

“Oo.”

“Good! Siya nalang ang magpanggap na boyfriend mo. Kausapin natin siya sa Monday.”

Trevor and Grego were groaning as if this kind of conversation is not for them. Napilitan lang sila na sumali rito dahil hindi sila makatanggi sa amin.

I stroked Trevor’s thigh which made his eyes dilated.

“Tell your friend that his girl has a boyfriend…” my voice was low.

Napansin ko rin na nagbubulungan sila Grego at Charlotta. Naturuan ko na kahapon ang kaibigan ko kung ano ang mga sasabihin kay Grego. We need to make some move to help Solaris be happy again.

I hugged Trevor when we already in our cabana. Treyvon is already sleeping just beside me. The king-size bed is perfect for us. It’s easy for us to move without disturbing our son.

“Ano’ng ginagawa mo kapag namimiss mo ako no’ng wala ako?” I am curious.

“Iniisip kita. I’d look on your photos in my phone…”

“That’s what I did too. Araw-araw kitang namimiss. Hindi ako nagsasawa na tignan ang pictires natin.”

He rested his lips on top of my head. He caresses my arm that is place above his abdomen.

“Did you cry?”

I nodded my head. “I always cried. Especially during my pregnancy. Palagi talaga akong umiiyak kapag namimiss kita.”

His broad chest waved a bit when he took a deep breath.

“But you told me that you didn’t love me? Hmm?”

Malinaw pa rin sa ala-ala ko ang gabi na ’yon. I don’t think I’d forget that moment with him at the shore, wetted by rain while I was breaking up with him… while saying those lies behind the raindrops.

“Did you believe it?”

“I did. Especially when I discovered that you left.”

Ako naman ang humugot ng hangin sa aking dibdib. Paano kaya siya nasaktan? Ano kaya ang mga ginawa niya para mawala ang sakit?

“The next morning, your friends came to our cabana, looking for you. I had to pretend that you were with me all night just to satisfy my illusion that you were still mine… even if you were not anymore.”

I gasped and embraced him even tighter. My heart is pounding against my chest. I feel his pain and desperation even until this very moment.

“I was very stressed that time due to my pregnancy and the fact that we will leave. Hindi ko masabi-sabi sa ’yo ang mga ’yon. My head was loaded. I didn’t really know what to do.”

“So, you were already pregnant that time?”

“Yes.”

He blew out a breath with frustration. At upang hindi tuluyang kainin ng iritasyon at galit, dinala niya ang aking ulo sa ibabaw ng dibdib niya at niyakap ako ng husto. I rested my face on his chest, near where his heart is located.

“I pretended that I didn’t love you so it would be easy for you to let go of me. I had to lie behind the raindrops even if it shatters me inside…” I rasped gently.

“Do you still love me?” His voice was low and rough.

I have no reason to deny this truth. I’ve been keeping this with me for a long time. This needs to be released and heard.

“I have always loved you. It didn’t change one bit.” I whispered sincerely.

The tension on his body was suddenly gone. Tila siya nakahinga ng sobrang luwag nang marinig niya mula sa akin na mahal ko siya. He sighed in so much relief I could imagine.

“Are you still in love with me?” My tone was so soft, almost sounded like I was seducing him even if I was not.

He rested his lips on top of my head, making sure that I’d feel how gently and loving he is to me.

“You are the only one I have ever loved in this lifetime. This feeling will remain until the oceans go dry…” he whispered devotedly.

26 ~ RAIN

CHAPTER TWENTY SIX

I kicked the soccer ball, making sure it will hit my target.

I was about to leave the field, but I saw Chantria Alcander kissing her new boyfriend. They are sitting on the bench, sweet and shamelessly smooching. I have no business with her. I don’t care if she does this kind of intimacy in public, but it’s not appropriate to kiss in front of other students. Some of them are minors, like her.

I smirked when the ball hit her boyfriend which made their heads bumped into each other. Nahinto sila sa walang kwentang halikan nila.

“Oh, sorry…” I faked an apology.

Chantria’s eyes drifted on me. Her sharp glare made me more amused because I know, she’s disappointed that the kiss stopped.

“Sa susunod, mag ingat ka, ha! Para hindi ka nakakatama!” She scolded me.

Siya pa itong may ganang magalit ngayon. Samantalang siya itong walang respeto sa mga nakapaligid sa kanya.

I have known her ever since because she’s my cousin’s best friend. She’s very, very pretty but I never liked her. I know her type. She’s rich and she knows how to use her privileges well. I can’t stand rich people including my damn father.

“Kayong mga bata kayo, uwian niyo na pero nandito pa rin kayo at naghahalikan?” I glared back at Chantria, so she knows that what they did was inappropriate.

“Pasensya na. Uuwi na rin kami.” Nathan said and grabbed Chantria’s bag.

“Hindi pa ako uuwi, Nathan. Mauna ka na.”

“Seryoso ka ba?”

“Oo! Akin na ’yang bag ko.” She gets her bag back from her boyfriend.

Nathan left hurriedly like a scared rat. Idiot! Why would he leave his girlfriend here?

Since that day, Chantria spends her time with me. Dinala ko siya sa bahay nila tita Safira at Silvano. I am living with them after I left home. I can’t stomach my father’s poor treatment with my mother. I’d rather leave than watch them always fight. They stressing the fuck out of me that I can’t focus with my studies.

In return of getting away, I have to support myself. Walang ibang susuporta sa akin kundi ang sarili ko lang. I didn’t want to ask help from my father. I can live without his shadow. Hindi ko siya kailangan sa buhay ko.

“Kuya, nagpapakahirap ka lang do’n sa azucarera nila Grego. What are you doing there? Carrying heavy sacks of sugarcanes?” Tracy, my sister is so concerned about my well-being.

We see each other at the back of the Gymnasium during her lunch break.

“Don’t worry about me. Kaya ko ang sarili ko. How you been doing?”

“Medyo bumaba ang grades ko sa ibang subject. I cannot review properly when I’m at home. They’re still fighting as if nobody would hear them.”

I feel sorry for my sister that she has to get through all these. If only I could just take her away from home, I would. But I don’t have means yet to support her.

“Let’s meet again. Tutulungan kita na pag aralan ang mga subject kung saan ka nahihirapan.”

Tracy smiled at me. “Thank you, kuya. Hindi halatang matalino ka.”

“Ano ba ako sa tingin mo?” I chuckled.

“Babaero?”

I scoffed. “Ang mga babae ang may gusto sa akin.”

“May crush nga sa ’yo ang mga kaklase ko. Ang sabi ko, huwag na silang magtangka dahil masasaktan lang sila sa ’yo.”

“Tama. Ayoko rin sa mga bata.”

“Gusto ’yong ka-edad mo?”

“Oo.”

After I talked to Tracy, I walked her towards her classroom. Nagtilian agad ang mga babaeng kaklase niya nang makita ako. I shook my head and left.

During weekends, I work in Almendarez Azucarera. I get to know their workers and heard their own stories. I realized that everyone is indeed has a different way of reasons why they have chosen to face the challenges every day. While some are working to provide for their families, to support their love ones’ needs, and to provide a better way of living, I work because I need this damn money to survive my college expenses.

Tang ina. I even stopped having girlfriends because I am too broke to take them to a restaurant and to buy gifts for them. Kaya no’ng naramdaman ko na nahuhumaling ako kay Chantria, kahit hindi sabado at linggo, nagtatrabaho ako sa azucarera para lang may extra na pera ako kapag kasama niya.

Maarte siya. Mayaman sila. Hindi siya sanay sa mga pang mahirap na bagay at gawain. No’ng unang sakay niya sa motorsiklo ko, pulang pula ang pisngi niya dahil nabilad siya sa arawan. At dahil kailangan niya ng makakausap o mapaglilibangan, nagtitiis siyang kasama ako.

She has problems with her parents. While her mother is sick, her father allegedly having an affair. Instead of going home after school, she’d rather be with me. I understood her sorrow and frustration towards what’s happening to her life. I experienced the same issue with my parents but in different situation.

“Kung ako ang anak ng Congresman, hindi na ako magpapakahirap na magbuhat ng mga tubo para lang kumita ng pera.” Lyla said while we are having a break.

“Kaso, hindi ka anak ni Cong Elias?”

Nagtawanan ang mga kasama ko.

I am busy texting with Chantria.

Trevor:

Did you like it?

Chantria:

I like it so much. I wanna kiss longer next time.

I squinted my eyes.

Simula nang matikman niya ang mga halik ko, palagi niya na akong inaakit at tinutukso na maghalikan kami. She’s kinda agressive and flirt. I like it because she doesn’t pretend. She says what she wants and she always find ways to get it.

“Trevor? Bakit ka ba umalis sa inyo? Ang sarap na sana ng buhay mo kung  nando’n ka pa rin sa mansyon niyo ngayon.”

I looked up to see the workers with me. “I just wanna prove to my father that I can survive without him.”

“Ganyan! Nakakahanga! Huwag mo masyadong galingan Trevor. Baka magka crush na kami sa ’yo niyan!”

Nagtilian ang mga babae at nagtawanan naman ang mga lalaki.

“Maswerte ang mapapang asawa nito ni Trevor. Marunong na sa mabibigat na gawain. Hindi ’to mahihirapan kumita ng pera dahil hindi maarte sa trabaho.”

“Oo nga. Sino kaya ang mapapang asawa mo? Gusto mo ba ng mayaman din kagaya niyo?” Lyla was curious.

“Hindi naman.”

“So, may pag asa ang mga mahihirap na babae?”

“Mayro’n ’yan!” si Harold ang sumagot. “Pero dapat maganda. Para naman kapag uuwi si Trevor, mapawi ang pagod niya isang tingin palang sa asawa niyang maganda.”

I smirked.

Suddenly, an images of me went back home and see Chantria in our house—waiting for me with a naughty smile on her lips. I can picture her welcome me with her sweet embrace and flirty kisses. That would ease my exhaustion.

Chantria:

I want more kiss marks on my breasts too!

I gritted my teeth. She’s really good in teasing me. I had to take a deep breath to stop myself from grinning like an idiot.

Trevor:

Hindi na tayo puwede sa kwarto ko. Banned ka na ro’n.

After she seen my message, she called me.

I excuse myself and walked outside where I see nothing but the massive field of sugarcanes. It was dark and the breeze was cold.

“Why did you ban me?” She scowled.

I bite my bottom lip to suppress a damn smile.

“Trevor, we are not doing anything. Just kiss and making out. How dare you banned me, huh?!”

I was just joking. I didn’t know she would eat the bait.

“Because you’re being too comfortable. What if you ask for more, hmm?”

“Hindi nga. We are not doing it yet. Magaling ka naman mag control.”

“Paano kung hindi ko na ma-control?”

She giggled on the other line. “Well, it’s not my problem then!”

I sighed. I wanted her to talk more, I can just listen to her all day.

“Trevor, promise, I am not gonna ask more than just a kiss, caresses, and breast lick!”

Tuluyan na akong natawa.

She’s very straightforward. She caught me off guard some times because of her boldness.

“Gusto mo lang yata akong kasama dahil sa mga ’yan.”

Chantria dramatically groaned. I can imagine her beautiful face, giving me a cute puppy-eyes stares.

“Hindi naman. Hindi naman ’yan ang habol ko sa ’yo. The pleasure is just a bonus.”

“Ang aga mono masanay sa mga halik ko, baka pagsawaan mo agad—”

“Hindi!” she cut me off. “Hindi ako magsasawa sa mga halik mo, Trevor. Kahit araw-araw pa tayong maghalikan.”

I tilted my head and closed my eyes.

I need to extremely control myself whenever we kiss. Dahil madalas, nahihibang siya at hindi niya na napapansin na humihiling na siya ng sobra pa sa halikan at haplos.

“Payag ka na, ha? Pupunta ako bukas kila tita Safira. Sunduin mo ako?” lambing niya sa akin.

“Susunduin kita…” napapaos na sabi ko.

I cannot resist her. She’s too adorable. I want her in my everyday life. She eases my tiredness. She makes me feel lighter. I wake up every morning looking for her messages, I will sleep at night after talking to her. She has become part of my daily life.

Chantria was sitting on my lap while we are kissing. We are inside the cabana in Playa Azure. Both tipsy and just took a shower. She’s panting and it sounds sexy. Her skin so creamy, so soft, it gets warm every passing minute.

I stared at her with my heavy eyelids. Her eyes were like a golden sunrise that mesmerized me. She has a cute narrow nose, plum lips and soft jawline. I can see thin veins on her cheeks due to her fair skin. She’s prettier when the distance is this close.

Her long hair falls on her back, I have a glimpse of her sexy reflection through the large mirror in front of us which made me see her back. She’s already topless and only wearing her bikini bottom.

I lifted my hand to massage her breast. It fit perfectly on my palm as if it was made for me.

“Lick it…” she urges me with her sexy tone.

Namumungay ang mga mata niya habang hinahaplos niya ang aking panga. She intoxicated me. She has me around her fingers. I hope she won’t realize this yet. I’d be damned if she starts using her advantage to me.

My kisses traveled down to her neck. She smells like a red petals of desire. She always seduced me… urging me to get burned with her.

“Mmmm…” she whimpered sensually when I sucked her rosy nipple.

I am clouded by lust and I wanna take her. If only she’d agree, I would. Damn it. I need to hold onto myself. It’s too early. I have long patience to wait for her. I can guarantee her that.

Chantria’s sexy moans echoed the cabana when I moved my lips towards her inner thighs. She tastes so sweet, it was addicting.

I thought everything between us was going well. But I woke up one day, Chantria no longer wants me in her life. I had no idea what’s wrong with her. She didn’t tell me. But breaking up with her was the hardest part I force myself to endure.

Wet by rain, quivering because of the cold breeze, I titled my head to stop myself from saying anything that could make our situation worse. I will never force her to be with me if she wasn’t happy anymore. But how about me? How about this love that I have for her?

“I liked your kisses… your caresses… your hugs… but I don’t love you.” Her voice cracked.

I refused to believe her. She wouldn’t give herself to me if she wasn’t in love with me. But what if she was telling me the truth? That she only liked being physical to me, and mistook it as love?

What if she realized that she was not in love with me? That’s why she’s ending our relationship.

“I don’t know what’s up with you, Chantria. But I don’t believe you.”

Hindi ko matatanggap na hindi niya ako mahal. Magagalit ako sa sarili ko at sisisihin kung bakit hindi niya ako nagawang mahalin sa ilang taon na magkasama kami.

I looked at her and saw her crying while the raindrops were dripping on her face. We are both wet and yet I still have a moment to admire her beauty. Despite the tears and pain written on her eyes, I can’t just ignore how mesmerizing she was.

Ang mga luha niya na kasabay na dumadaloy ng patak ng ulan ay tila larawan na matagal natapos ipinta. At nang nabuo na, mistulang anghel na lumuluha ang naging resulta.

“Baby, don’t do this to me…” I begged.

If she didn’t want this, maybe there’s another way to make everything right again. Huwag lang niya akong iwan ng ganito. Hindi ako handa sa biglaan na desisyon niya. I didn’t see this nightmare coming.

Her eyes were full of sorrow and anguish as she stares back at me. Her lips were trembling. I leaned closer so that I can kiss her. I want to give her warm and comfort. My baby doesn’t deserve this pain.

“Mahal kita…” I whispered against her lips.

Amidst the raindrops, I was able to tell her the truest feeling I have ever felt in this world.

I love her truly that it pained me. My love for her is so potent I could feel it in my skin. This feeling won’t change even if she breaks me like this. She will remain as my blanket of mist—like a gentle rain that soothes me.

27 ~ DREAM

CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN

I have achieved my goals. I have reached my dreams. Still, something was missing. I couldn’t feel the true happiness in me despite having this victory for myself. There was always a void in me that yearning to be filled.

I know exactly what I was longing for… who I was missing… and when did this emptiness have started.

It was the day that she left me.

Ipinagpatuloy ko ang pag hakbang patungo sa mga pangarap ko kahit mag isa lang ako. Hindi ako tumigil na bagtasin ang mga daan papunta sa dulo kahit pa walang humahawak ng kamay ko. Ayokong ihinto ang mga pangarap ko dahil lang umalis siya.

I will always wait for her to come back. Gusto ko na sa oras na magkita ulit kami, may ipagmamalaki na ako. I wanted her validation despite my achievements. I needed her appreciation to make me feel that I did really great in my life. Even if she wasn’t beside me during the time that I was walking to have my dreams in my hand, I wanted her to know that she was the very reason why I chose to keep moving forward.

Hindi nagbago ang mga pangarap ko para sa aming dalawa kahit wala siya sa tabi ko. Nanatili siyang imahe ng aking inspirasyon para magpatuloy sa agos ng buhay. I didn’t allow my heartbreak to stop me. I used it as my motivation to help me success.

Every time I achieved something that helps my career grow, I documented it through taking videos and photos with notes. So if one day when she decided to come back in La Carlota, I have something to show her.

“Guwapo mo!” Dalary shrieked after she took a photo of me in front of the bulletin where I passed the board exam.

“Crush nga ’yan ng katabi ko sa exam.” Glenda giggled.

“Ayaw mo pa rin mag girlfriend, Engineer?”

I shook my head. “I’m busy.”

“At magiging abala pa dahil nakahanda na ang mga proyekto mo sa La Carlota. Sama mo kami, huh?

I received different projects from different places and companies. But I made up my mind. I’d like to start in La Carlota. I wanna build my career there. That’s where I started… that’s where I came from.

My father offered me some government projects. Before I accepted them, I really made sure that he won’t use me and the projects to steal tax payers money. Pinagtalunan namin ito, ngunit sa huli, pumayag siya.

When I came back to La Carlota, I made myself extremely busy so Chantria won’t take my time so much by thinking about her. Pero tuwing gabi, kapag mag isa nalang ako, bumabalik siya sa isip ko.

Yasmin:

Can we see each other tomorrow?

I’ve met Yasmin through a mutual friends. She’s originally from Bacolod and a beauty queen. I have an offer to engineer the renovation of her father’s office. I haven’t decided yet.

Trevor:

I’m quite busy. Are you in La Carlota?

Yasmin:

Yes. I just arrived here today. I’m running away from him. Can you help me?

Trevor:

How can I help you?

Yasmin called me and I answered it.

“Trevor, I think he’s going crazy. Ayoko na sa kanya. That’s why I left Bacolod to be away from him. But he threatened me that he’s going here!” She rants.

“What do you want me to do?”

“I need somebody to pretend as my new boyfriend. Please? Puwede ka ba? Promise! We are not going to kiss! But we need to be at least sweet!”

I scoffed. I smell trouble.

“Pumayag ka na? Sa ’yo lang ako komportable. Dahil alam kong may iba kang gusto.”

I wanted to correct her… that I wasn’t just infatuated with Chantria… I am in love with her.

“Paano kung sa ’kin ka naman magkagusto?” I asked coldly.

“Hindi! Hindi puwede. Ayoko na mag boyfriend. I want to focus with my career this time. I will join Miss Bacolod next year.”

I nodded my head. “Okay. That’s a good decision, Yasmin.”

“Payag ka na?”

“Let’s talk about it tomorrow.”

“Okay. Pupuntahan kita sa office mo?”

“No. Let’s see other somewhere else. Cafe Caliente is fine.”

“Alright. Bawal ka bang bisitahin sa site?”

“Bawal.”

“Hindi naman bawal ’yan. Ayaw mo siguro isipin ng iba na may babaeng bumibisita sa ’yo.”

“Bawal. Baka masagap no’ng isa.” I chuckled.

Tumawa siya. “Baliw na baliw si Engineer sa mas bata sa kanya.”

I met with Yasmin the next day. I pretended to be her boyfriend here in La Carlota and hoping this news won’t reach Chantria.

Grego was fuming mad when he discovered that I am with Yasmin.

“What the fuck are you doing, man?”

“Chill, Grego…”

We are now in Playa Azure, spending weekend together with friends and some colleagues. I sipped on my martini while staring blankly at the dark ocean in front of me. The salty breeze and the gentle splash of the waves, were so nostalgic.

“Hindi ka na no’n tatanggapin kapag bumalik ’yon.”

I gave him a sharp glare which made him smirk.

“Yasmin is not my girlfriend. We are just pretending.”

“Don’t fool me.”

“Tanungin mo siya.”

I heaved a deep breath. I know Grego has contact with Chantria.

“How is she?” I asked.

“She continues her studies online. Her mother’s transplant was successful. Maybe in a few months, they would come back here.”

I shifted on the way weight. I could feel my heart pounding just like that.

“Can you make sure?”

“Sasabihin ko na may girlfriend ka na.”

“The fuck?” I hissed at him.

Tumawa siya. “Para umuwi na. Ayoko na araw-araw misereble ang kaibigan ko. Hindi ako sanay.”

“Shut up.”

“Paano kung may boyfriend na ’yon do’n? Hindi na siguro uuwi rito…”

My blood is boiling. This annoying ass is trying to ruin my night.

“Paano kapag si Charlotta naman ang malayo sa ’yo? Baka hindi ka lang maging anino niya, magiging buntot ka na niya.”

Grego glared at me. “Yeah, I’d be her tail. Are you happy?”

Humalakhak ako.

“You’d be damed if I told Chantria that you were flirting with another woman here.”

“Don’t you dare. I am not flirting with here. I was just helping here.”

“Helping your ass.” He spatted.

“Grego, I am fucking serious. I am not in a relationship with Yasmin. How could I ever like someone else if Chantria has been running in my head?”

“What a curse. That’s your karma for being a damn playboy before.”

“She was like a ghost, I cannot get her memories off my mind no matter how I tried.”

Grego whistled playfully. “You’re down bad, Monterell.”

When Chantria came back in La Carlota. I couldn’t explain the happiness and pain in my chest.

“Nakita ko sa airport kanina. I saw her carrying a baby though…” Zayas informed me.

I stood up from my swivel chair. My heart is suddenly hammering.

“A baby? What do you mean?”

“Yes. A baby in her arms. Kapatid niya ba ’yon? But, her mom just got a liver transplant. How does it possible?”

I massaged my temple. My mind has started to imagining the possibilities that Chantria might be carrying our child. Damn it!

“You can leave now…” I dismissed Zayas.

“Are you going to Playa Azure later, Engineer?”

“I am not sure yet.”

“Okay. Have a good day!” Then he left my office.

Sumandal ako sa inuupuan ko at mariin na pumikit. It is possible that… I got her pregnant!

Why this possibility didn’t occur my mind?

I was very careful when we did it. I didn’t have plan to make her pregnant. Probably, it just happened unexpectedly.

Maghapon akong balisa. I cannot concentrate with my work. My mind was occupied by the fact that Chantria Alcander is finally back. I need to talk to her and clear things between us. Especially, the baby. I want to see the baby.

My heart was racing while reading cousin’s reply.

Yusef:

Yes. She’s back. I will visit her later.

Trevor:

Ask her to go to Playa Azure.

Yusef:

Okay. But she must be tired from long travel. I will still try to invite her.

I stopped myself from asking question about the baby. I just want Chantria to be in Playa Azure. From there, I can talk to her.

It was impossible that the baby is her sibling. I don’t want to believe with that. I have this strong feeling that Chantria hid her pregnancy to me. Was that also the reason why she chose to leave me? Why she didn’t come back?

While I am driving to Playa Azure, I received messages from my friends that Chantria is there. They even sent photos of her to prove that they are not lying to me.

“Oh, nandito na pala si engineer…” Glenda announced.

I saw Chantria’s back right away. She’s wearing a black spaghetti strap top and relaxed pants. Her hair is long and it danced when she hurriedly went inside the cabana holding Yusef’s hand. She’s obviously avoiding me.

“Ang ganda pa rin! Lalong sumeksi!” Dalary praised Chantria.

“Kumikinang ang balat!”

“Parang lumaki ’yong boobs niya?”

“Sshh!”

Grego handed me a glass of booze.

“You may need this, engineer…” he smirked.

I got it from him and finished it. My heart won’t stop from beating insanely. I am not sure if it’s because of excitement or something else.

When Yusef came out, I walked towards him.

“She’s in the bathroom. Hintaying mo nalang.”

I walked inside the cabana. Locked the glass door and covered it with block thick curtain. I leaned my body against it, trying my best to stay calmed even if I am really fucking anxious to see and talk to her again.

The moment Chantria came out from the bathroom, my eyes immediately captured the bottled milk on her hand. Which made me prove that indeed, she’s with our baby. At kahit pa itinago niya ’yon sa likod niya, huli na rin naman. I already confirmed that she gave birth.

My gaze drifted to her body, trying to see if there’s any evidence of her motherhood. I don’t see any. She’s still the same. Always pretty and seductive. It’s just that her curves now are more defined. And her breasts looked fuller. I can spot her cleavage and the thin veins against her soft milky skin.

No matter how she tried to deny the truth to me, it will always come out because her eyes cannot lie.

We have a child. The baby in her arms is the fruit of our love.

My heart was melting while staring at Treyvon—my son.

Para bang bigla akong naging kumpleto. Na ang dating pagkukulang sa akin sa kabila ng mga tagumpay, unti-unting naglaho. The emptiness inside my chest was filled with gratification I have been longing to feel.

I thank Chantria for bringing our child in this world. I admired her so much for being brave to continue her pregnancy even without me. She has nothing to worry now, I will be with her all the time. I promise to help and support her in any ways I could.

I embraced her from behind while we are looking at the finished modern Spanish styled two-story house in front of us.

“Ang ganda. Ang swerte ng mapapang asawa mo, ha. May bahay na kayo.”

Ngumiti ako. I am not sure if she was just pretending. That she doesn’t know she’s the one I want to share my life with. Or she’s just innocently thinking that I might find somebody else.

“Ang swerte ko sa ’yo…” I whispered on her earlobe which made her flinched.

“Bakit? Gusto mo talaga akong maging asawa?”

“Wala nang iba.”

She giggled. “We need to practice na being mag asawa.”

“We are doing it already.”

“Like what? Sleeping together? Look after our son?”

I smell her hair. Her scent always relaxed me even before. Kaya no’ng umalis siya, pati sa amoy niya, nangulila ako.

I was struggling to find peace when she was away. Now that she’s back in my arms, I will make sure she won’t leave me again. I will provide everything she needs and wants. She wouldn’t have the reason to escape from me. I swear to make her life comfortable like what she used to have. A life that filled with devotion from me.

“And making love…” I muttered.

She tilted her head a bit for me to kiss her cheek. I memorized her moves. I know what to do when she needs some loving from me. Ipinahinga ko ang aking labi sa kanyang pisngi. Nakita ko ang pag ngiti niya.

“After my graduation, I will focus with our son. Hindi naman ako sinasabihan ni daddy na mag trabaho sa Alcander Homes. Wala yata siyang tiwala sa akin…”

I caressed her flat stomach. “He doesn’t need you yet. He probably thinks that it’s better for you to focus with our child for now. Gusto mo na bang mag trabaho?”

“Ayoko. I want to be with my baby all the time.”

That put a smile on my lips. I am so relieved that she is very loving to our son. Sanay na sanay na rin siya na kasama araw araw ang anak namin. Kaya masyado talaga silang malapit sa isa. Besides, honestly, I didn’t want her to work. I can provide our needs. She doesn’t need to get exhausted to make money. Ako ang bahala sa pamilya namin. Kayang-kaya ko silang itaguyod at bigyan ng magaan na pamumuhay.

“Hindi ko na siguro kailangan mag trabaho? Mayaman na naman ang asawa ko…” malambing na sabi niya.

I squinted my eyes. I am kinda distracted with what she said. Alam na alam niya talaga kung paano ako tunawin.

“Let me take care of our family. I can provide all we need. You don’t have to work and get tired.”

“So, I’d be a housewife?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s exciting!” she smiled. “I can imagine you going back home, I’d welcome you with my hugs and kisses…”

Like what I imagined us, she sees things in the future too. She pictures me in her life… being with her every day.

“Then we’d eat dinner or lunch together. We’d take a shower together… we’d kiss and make love…” she continues dreamily.

“… and you’d get pregnant.” I whispered teasingly.

“At sisiguraduhin ko na kapag nabuntis ulit ako, pahihirapan kita kapag naglihi ako.”

“I’d be happy to satisfy you with all your cravings and needs, baby.”

“Including sex?” her beautiful face brightened.

“Definitely. I’d love to do oral sex too.”

She blushed. Kinagat niya ang labi niya. I see her eyes dilated with desire.

“I know. Palagi mo ba naman ginagawa.”

“Sinasanay na kita…”

“Nasasanay na nga…” malamyos ang boses niya.

I feel her skin getting warm. Her breathing is getting heavy too.

“Do you wanna see the master bedroom?” I invited her as I caressed her stomach.

“Please…”

I made love with her with the thought that she’s the only one I swore to be with in every day of my life in this lifetime. I wouldn’t need anyone else, because with her, I am completed. I am fulfilled.

“I’m so in love with you…” her voice was gentle, eyes were sensual.

I thrusted deeply, making sure she’d feel me inside of her. Her lips parted and she looked so beautiful while moaning sexily beneath me.

I leaned even closer, until my lips touched hers. The lips that I wanna kiss everyday.

From this moment on, I want her to feel that I am all hers. My soul, my life, and my heart… I dedicated to her.

No matter how the wind changes, how the storm rages, how the waves grow wilder, and how the rain falls repeatedly, my love for her will remain strong and unbreakable that would protect her from any catastrophe.

Siya ay tila patak ng ulan na palagi kong dadamhin at banayad na mamahalin.

“You are the only dream that fulfilled me, baby.” I whispered tenderly and devoured her lips.

28 ~ WIFE

CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT

My tears were falling on my cheeks while looking at Trevor’s documented photos of his every achievements while I was away. Pakiramdam ko tuloy, kahit wala ako sa tabi niya no’ng mga araw na ’yon, bumabalik ako sa nakaraaan at dinadama na kasama niya ako sa bawat pag abot ng tagumpay niya.

I flipped another page and see the finished project in Bacolod. He’s standing in front of the building, wearing a black polo shirt, pants, and sunglasses. He’s very masculine.

I read the note.

Chantria,

I renovated this building. What do you think of the result? I got this project through a mutual friend. I accepted this for me to be more occupied. So that I would lessen the time of thinking about you. I miss you every day.

I pursed my lips as I wiped my tears. My heart was tearing apart despite the bliss.

He documented his every achievements and wrote a note dedicated to me. Hindi ko inisip man lang na gagawin niya ito. I thought while he was reaching his dreams, he already forget about me. Hindi pala. Dahil sa bawat hakbang niya patungo sa mga pangarap niya, isinama niya pa rin ako. I may be absent physically, but he made sure I was with him emotionally and mentally.

Hindi ko na kaya ang pag alpas ng aking emosyon. I put the folder down and hug Trevor. Natawa siya at hinaplos ang aking buhok.

We are now inside his bedroom at tita Safira’s house. We are picking up some of his stuff here to move to his newly built house. Then suddenly, he handed me the folder of his achievements. Nang makita ko ito, alam ko agad na para sa akin. Dahil sa unang pahina palang, nakalagay na na ang pangalan at ang picture ko.

“I thought you forgot about me…” I wailed while crying.

“I cannot forget you. I didn’t want to.”

Trevor carefully put me on his lap. I buried my face on his neck while my tears kept on flowing.

“Hindi kita puwedeng kalimutan. Ikaw ang dahilan ng lahat nang tagumpay ko…” napapaos ang boses niya.

Mas lalo akong naging emosyonal. I snaked my thin arms around his nape. His one hand stroking my thigh. I can feel the warm through the fabric of my cream sunny dress.

“I wanna be successful too. I want you to be proud of me.”

“You are already successful in my eyes,” he muttered gently. “Being a mother is a very meaningful and challenging accomplishments. Nobody could ever take that honor away from you.”

My lips trembled as I smiled. I like it so much that he always made me feel that he appreciated my motherhood. Palagi niya akong pinupuri sa katapangan ko na bigyan ng buhay ang aming anak sa kabila ng pagiging malyo namin sa isa’t isa noon.

Ngayon ko lang lubusan na natanto na hindi pala madali maging isang ina. The responsibilities of a mother didn’t end when the child is grown up, motherhood will continue as long as she’s alive.

“I am always proud of you, Chantria. You were young when the disaster in your family happened. I witnessed your struggles to keep going. I was there when you cried because of it. I watched how you survived the challenges. From that moment on, I knew by then that there’s nothing you can’t do in this world…”

It boosted my confidence. I never thought of me being that brave. Ngunit sa tuwing binabalikan ko ang mga problemang dumaan sa aking pamilya at magulang, sa murang edad ko noon, nalaman ko na matapang nga talaga ako. Dahil nakaya kong lagpasan ang mga ’yon.

“You endured all the pain. You are a beautiful warrior,” he muttered against my temple.

I am only a warrior because I was forced to be one. I have no regrets though. I learned a lot of lessons from those challenges. Those problems and heartbreaks taught me to stand bravely by myself.

When I got my degree and diploma, we travelled to Europe with our son. When we were in Barcelona, Trevor asked for my hand to marry. I was crying when he knelt in front of me and slid a diamond ring on my finger.

Hindi siya papayag na hindi malaman ng mga kaibigan at kakilala na inaya niya na akong magpakasal. He organized a party in Playa Azure. He paid for all the drinks and foods.

“I know your struggles and tears. Finally! Kayo pa rin sa huli! I am crying!” Yusef hugged me.

Pareho kaming emosyonal ng kaibigan ko. Simula palang, siya na rin ang nakakaalam ng tungkol sa mga problema ko at sa aming ni Trevor. Kaya naiintindihan ko kung bakit siya umiiyak ngayon.

“I was broken hearted too when you and Trevor broke up! Akala niyo yata kayo lang ang nasaktan noon!” Yusef wailed.

Nagtawanan ang mga kaibigan namin na naroon. Panay din ang singhot nila at punas ng mga luha.

“Parang ako ’yong hiniwalayan dati.” Glenda laughed while sobbing.

“Nag inom pa kami no’n na para bang kami ang iniwan.” Dalary ranted while wiping her tears.

“Palagi silang nag iinom dito no’ng umalis ka…” Solaris gave me a light embrace. “Congratulations with your engagement.”

“Thank you, Solaris.”

“I am very happy for you and Trevor. You deserve each other.” Charlotta said and hugged me too.

“Thanks, Queen.” I winked at her which made her giggled.

“Kailan ang kasal, Engineer?” Dalary asked.

“We’ll let you all know the details once settled.”

Pinagapang ni Trevor ang palad niya sa aking bewang. Bumaba ang labi niya para hagkan ang aking sintido.

“Invited kaming lahat?”

“Oo naman…” I answered with enthusiasm. “Dapat Nando’n kayong lahat, huh?”

“Pupunta talaga kami!”

“I will mark my schedule. I won’t miss that day!”

“Ang glowing mo yata, Chantria? Masaya ka lang ba o baka buntis ka na naman?” Tukso ni Glenda.

Nagtawanan kaming lahat. I also heard Trevor’s chuckled.

“I am not pregnant. Maybe after the wedding…” I lifted my hand to caress my fiancé’s jaw.

“After, huh?” He mumbled.

“I am just delayed, but I am not pregnant.” I murmured.

“We’ll see that.”

Bahagya ko siyang siniko para matigil siya sa panunukso sa akin. When we were in Europe, it felt like we were in a honeymoon! I am not worried though, I still have my pills. It’s just that, I forgot to take it sometimes. But still, it doesn’t mean I’d be pregnant.

“Sundan niyo na si Treyvon. Naglalakad na eh. At ang ganda rin ng kombinasyon niyong dalawa. Magparami kayo ng lahi, please!”

The cabana filled with our laughters and stories we reminisced.

Playa Azure has been part of my journey to this happiness. This place is very special for me and Trevor. We also have plan to have our beach wedding here.

“Silvano! Where are you going to take Solaris?” Yusef yelled, a little bit tipsy now.

I saw Silvano holding Solaris’ hand, taking her away from us.

“Saan pa ba? Sigurado mag honeymoon na naman ’yang dalawa sa cabana!” Dalary laughed like a witch.

“Buntis na nga yata si Solaris. Palaging galit kay Silvano eh!”

“Nag asawa na ang mga kaibigan ko!” Yusef dramatically sighed.

“Mag asawa ka na rin, Yusef. Baka tayo talaga ang itinadhana?”

“Kadiri ka, Dalary! Hindi tayo talo!”

“Ang arte mo talaga!”

“Maarte talaga ako!”

Nagtatalo na sila habang nagtatawanan naman ang iba. I feel lighter seeing these people who became part of my life. Masaya rin akong makita na lahat sila ay matagumpay na sa buhay at karera.

Naglakad kami ni Trevor sa dalampasigan. Nang mapagod, umupo kami sa buhanginan. Isinandal ko ang aking ulot sa balikat niya. Habang hawak niya naman ang isang kamay ko na nasa kanyang hita.

Umihip ang maalat na hangin. Tinangay nito ang mahabang buhok ko at ang dulo ng aking puting dress. Sobrang gaan ng pakiramdam ko ngayon. Walang makakatalo sa ginhawang ito.

“So, tell me about Yasmin…” my voice was mellow.

“I told you, we were just pretending. She had a crazy ex-boyfriend who stalked her…”

“Bakit ka pumayag?”

“I just wanted to help her.”

“Ano’ng kapalit?”

“Wala.”

“Talaga? Hindi man lang kayo naghalikan?”

“Hindi.”

“Hindi mo man siya nagustuhan?” patuloy ko.

“Wala akong ibang magugustuhan, kundi ikaw lang, Chantria.”

Tumawa ako. Masyado siyang seryoso. Wala na rin naman sa akin ang tungkol sa kanila ni Yasmin. Gusto ko lang na may pag usapan kami. Matagal na rin kaming hindi nag aaway o nagtatalo. I missed seeing him being upset and annoyed.

“Pero Trevor, ang tagal ko rin nawala. Imposible na hindi ka nasasabik makahalik ulit?”

He took a deep sigh. I feel like he’s getting irritated but I am fine with it. Natutuwa ako kapag ganito na siya. Nakakahibang itong pagkagiliw ko sa kanya.

“Bakit? Nasabik ka bang makahalik no’ng hindi mo ako kasama?”

“Oo…”

He gasped. I felt him glanced at me but I stayed watching the dark ocean in front of us. Madilim ang langit ngunit ang mga bituin ay kumikinang. Ang buwan ay nanatiling tanglaw sa gitna ng karimlan. It felt so nostalgic to be here.

“Did you kiss another man while I was away?”

I can’t help but laugh. He sounded so offended and it was very funny.

“Chantria, I was asking you. Did you?”

“I did not. Why would I do that? I was busy carrying our son. I was too broken hearted to even glance with another man.”

Nakahinga siya ng maluwag na tila ba sobrang ginhawa ang narinig niya galing sa akin. He’s over acting. Kung may hinalikan man ako habang wala siya, hindi ko siguro sasabihin sa kanya. Habang tumatagal kami, nagiging seloso siya. I didn’t know this part of him.

Ngayon pa talaga siya magseselos? Kung kailan may anak na kami? Kung kailan alam niya naman na siya lang ang mahal ko?

“Hmm, huwag ka na magselos. Ikaw lang ang mahal ko…” malambing kong sabi.

“Ako lang talaga dapat.”

“Sa ’yo lang ako. Simula noon hanggang ngayon.”

“Dapat lang.”

Hinaplos ko ang braso niya. His muscles tensed against my soft palm.

“I wanna get married this year. Can we do it?” My voice sounded sensual for some reason.

“Yeah. I wanna marry you as soon as possible.”

“Nagmamadali ka ba?” I teased.

“Oo. Baka kasi magbago ang isip mo bigla…” he playfully said.

Tuluyan na akong tumawa.

Saan niya kaya nakukuha ang mga ganitong sagot niya? Kulang pa ba ang pagmamahal na ipinapakita ko sa kanya? Hindi niya pa rin ba alam na siya lang tangi ang gusto kong makasama sa buhay na ito?

He leaned to kiss my forehead. Marahan na pinisil niya ang aking kamay. Then his thumb plays with my diamond ring.

“Hindi ako makakatulog ng maayos hanggat hindi ka kasal sa ’kin…” mababa ang paos na boses niya.

“Hindi naman kita tatakbuhan. You are the only man I desire to be my husband.”

I cupped his jaw and angled my head to kiss him. I can guarantee that he’s really the only one I will love. He doesn’t need to worry because this feeling that I have for him will last eternity.

My heart was racing while we are kissing so passionately, I could feel his love in every moves of his lips to taste mine.

I gasped when I heard a thunder, followed with heavy raindrops. But despite of the sudden changes of the weather tonight, our kisses continued.

Habang pumapatak ang ulan sa aming katawan, habang yumayakap ang malamig na simoy ng hangin sa aking balat, mas lalong nag aalab ang pag angkin ng labi namin sa isa’t isa. Ang kanyang haplos ay nagbibigay ng init sa akin. Ni hindi na alintana na pareho na kaming naliligo sa ulan.

This time, I want the raindrops to know that this man is the only one I will adore in this lifetime. My love will only for him and our son. I dedicated my life to him, my soul, and my commitment.

I do not need to cry and lie amidst the raindrops. I do not need to pretend that I didn’t love him. I have now the freedom to make him feel how much he means to me… how much my heart will continue to love him infinitely.

I cupped Trevor’s jaw and kissed him with all of me, while my tears were flowing on my cheeks together with the rain. My heart was hammering inside my chest and every beat is overwhelming.

We continued the kiss in our cabana until both of us are panting and moaning.

I woke up the next morning with Trevor’s heavy arm under my boobs. I am very naked. I feel his warm body on mine. He’s still sleeping peacefully beside me. He looked so divine.

His bedroom hair, his dark stubbles, and his reddish lips, every inch of him admired by me. Hinaplos ko ang panga niya sa marahan na paraan. Tapos ay sumiksik pa ako sa kanya lalo. Ang laki talaga ng katawan niya. Ang sarap magpakulong sa mga bisig niya.

“Good morning, handsome…” I croaked.

He groaned and pulled me even closer. My boobs pressed against his chest. He then buried his face on my neck. Alam kong gusto niya pang matulog, pero on the way na rito ang anak namin. Ihahatid sa amin dahil hinahanap kami kagabi.

“Baby, we need to get up…” malambing kong bulong habang hinahaplos ang buhok niya.

I felt his kiss my neck. “Yeah…”

“On the way na sila. Treyvon is excited to go to the beach.”

“Give me five minutes,” his voice was throaty and sounded sexy.

“What? Are you going to sleep more?”

“No, I’ll have my breakfast in bed…” then he started to move down until his head reached my thigh.

Early morning, yet I am very energetic and my body is burning. I bite my lips and parted my legs to accommodate him fully. I removed the white sheet that covering us, which revealed my naked body. I can see some kiss marks all over my breasts which made me blushed.

“Trevor…” I moaned when I felt him gently kissing my flesh. “Mmmm…”

“Good morning, wife,” he greeted huskily, before he continued to devour me.

29 ~ DEVOTION

CHAPTER TWENTY NINE

“Who’s the father?!” My dad’s voice thundered.

I passed out. He brought me to the clinic near where we stay here in Cleveland. I woke up feeling weak. My pregnancy is really giving me a hard time. I am not used to this yet.

When we got back to the house, that’s when my father has started to ask me questions. I cannot hide this anymore. I need to tell him the truth so that he can help me. Wala akong ibang matatakbuhan ngayon kundi ang aking magulang.

“Trevor…” I mumbled.

He massaged his temple in a problematic way. I know that he has been stressed. Dinagdagan ko pa talaga ngayon.

“I’m sorry…” I whispered sincerely.

“What’s happening?” I heard mom’s weak voice.

Tumayo ako para tulungan siya sa wheel chair niya.

“Why are you crying, anak?”

“Your daughter is pregnant, Rafa.” Dad’s sighed.

Namilog ang mga mata ni mommy. Umawang ang maputla niyang labi.

“Are you? I mean, how… what… who’s the father?”

“That Monterell,” si daddy ang sumagot sa malamig na tono.

“Oh, Chantria, anak…” umiyak agad si mommy.

Bahagya ko siyang niyakap bilang pagpapakalma sa kanya.

Alam kong hindi ito ang tamang panahon para mabuntis ako. Sabay-sabay ang problema at gastos ng magulang ko.

No’ng nasa Pilipinas palang kami, milyones na ang napakawalan ng aking ama para sa medication ni mommy. Our plane tickets are very expensive too, because we flew in business class. In addition to that, our house rental is triple the price compared to the Philippines. Then, my father will also pay a huge amount of money for liver transplant.

Tapos ako… buntis!

I will be a burden to them including my child. Hindi ko naman gusto itong pagbubuntis ko. Pero hindi ko rin ito kayang itigil. Kaya mahirapan ako, titiisin ko. Huwag lang mawala sa akin ang anak ko.

“Henrich! Kasalanan natin kung bakit nabuntis si Chantria! Nagkulang tayo bilang magulang niya. While I was battling with my illness, you were busy making money to support our family. Nakalimutan natin siya… nakalimutan natin na may anak tayo na kailangan ng pagmamahal at atensyon. Pareho tayong naging abala sa sariling buhay at problema natin, we forgot about our child!” Mommy rants while crying.

Muling bumagsak ang mga luha ko. My heart is aching that it made my knees wobbled. Dahan-dahan akong naupo sa sofa. I play with my fingers above my lap.

“Anak, please forgive me… nagkulang ako bilang mommy mo…” she sobs.

I shook my head. My tears fell on my hands.

“Mommy, don’t blame yourself. Alam ko po na kung wala kang sakit, mabibigyan mo ako ng oras at… pagmamahal.”

Nagkulang sila sa akin. But I don’t want to blame them for what happened to me. Ako ang may gawa nito. I gave myself to Trevor without expecting that I would be pregnant this early.

“No, no, as your mom, I should always check on you. My illness shouldn’t be an excuse.”

“Mom…”

“Chantria, kung hindi kami nagkulang sa ’yo, hindi ka mabubuntis ng ganito kaaga. Hindi mo hahanapin sa ibang tao ang atensyon, pagmamahal, at pag aalaga. We failed as your parents…”

Kung maayos lang sana ang relasyon nila habang may sakit si mommy, hindi rin siguro ako maghahanap ng atensyon galing sa ibang tao.

I wouldn’t ask for Trevor’s time. I wouldn’t long to feel loved. I wouldn’t come home late. I would spend more of my time with them. Somewhat, mommy is right. Since I cannot get their full attention, I opted to find somebody who could make me feel alive and cared for… and Trevor Monterell was there for me.

Sa kanya ko lang naman talaga naramdaman na mahalaga ako. Na may bilang ako sa mundong ito. Na kahit na malungkot ang buhay ko dahil sa nangyayari sa aking pamilya, ipinaramdam niya sa akin na kaya ko pa rin maging masaya sa kabila ng mga problema.

I will never regret giving myself to him. I wholeheartedly submitted myself to him because I love him so dearly.

I think, it was pregnancy hormones that made me very emotional and sensitive. One day, I found myself having a heated conversation with my father.

“He has proven himself, daddy! He graduated and bagged the highest latin honor! And he will surely top the board exam!” My voice raised.

My dad was very problematic that he can’t accept Trevor is the father of my child.

“He didn’t use his father’s money for his studies! He did heavy labour in Almendarez Azucarera so that he can support himself! How dare you judge him? When in fact, you’re the one who has issues!”

“Stop that damn rumors. Hindi ’yan totoo!”

“Nakita kita! Kayo ng babae mo!” my breathing gets heavy because of the overwhelming emotions I have right now.

His forehead knotted. There was a glimpse of confusion on his eyes.

“What are you saying?”

“I saw you with your kabit!” I spatted bitterly.

Tumawa siya. “Really? How? When?”

“I followed you before! She went to your office! You took her to a restaurant for lunch! While your wife was battling with cancer, weak and dying, you have the audacity to cheat!”

“Watch your words, Chantria. You know nothing.”

“Of course, I know! But you know what’s disgusting, dad? That I saw your kabit here in Cleveland! Para saan? Ano ang dahilan? I know that seeing her here wasn’t a coincidence!”

Hinilot niya ang sintido niya. He’s gritting his teeth. He’s desperately taking a deep breath.

“Hindi ko kayang mag taksil sa mommy mo…” marahan ang boses niya.

At hindi ko alam kung bakit naiiyak ako habang pinagmamasdan ang sakit sa mga mata niya. He blinked and his eyes watered.

“Liar!” I hisse bitterly.

“You were mistaken, anak. That woman… she’s not my affair.”

“I don’t believe you—”

“She’s your mom’s donor…”

Napasinghap ako. My teary eyes widened in fraction.

“N-no… you’re lying…”

“That’s why she’s here.”

I went speechless. Kumakalabog ang dibdib ko.

“Hindi ako kailanman nag taksil kay Rafa. Mamamatay ako na wagas ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya.”

I bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from saying any stupid and rude words against my father. All this time, I thought, he was cheating. That the rumors about him having an affair were true. But now that I finally heard his side, I am hurting because I judged him.

Hindi na ako nag aksaya pa ng sandali, mabilis kong niyakap ang aking ama at umiyak sa dibdib niya.

I feel really sorry for all the judgements I threw on him without knowing the truth. I was carried away by my emotions and by what I witnessed with my own eyes. It’s true that you cannot really judge people with their actions and words, you need to know the reasons why they did that… why they are like that… and why their actions ended up like that.

“I’m s-sorry for judging you… for being so mean and disrespectful. I’m sorry, dad.” I said while crying.

“I’m sorry for all the pain that you have been through because of our family dilemmas.” He muttered apologetically and I felt him kissed the top of my head.

My parents were there for me throughout my pregnancy journey. And even after I gave birth, they made sure that I felt their presence and love. Even though my mother was still recovering from her liver transplant, still I felt her love for me.

Kaya no’ng bumalik na kami sa Pilipinas, magaan na ang loob namin at nagkapatawaran na rin sa lahat nang pagkukulang sa isa’t isa. I have my happy family back stronger and unbreakable.

I also admitted to my parents that I still want and love Trevor Monterell.

And if one day that we are going to get another chance to be together again, to bring back the love that once left behind, and a relationship that shattered, I wanted to grab that chance again. This time, I will make sure that I am not going to let go of him… that I will hold his hands even if holding onto him would cause me heartache. I am ready to endure all the pain for as long as I’d be with him.

My mother supports me.

I didn’t hear much more about my father’s opinion about my confession before. But seeing him now having a good relation with Trevor, it made me think that he finally accepted the man that I am in love with.

“Dad…” lumapit ako sa kanya nang makaalis si Trevor.

“Yes?”

It’s weekend and he’s here. He uses his free time to spend with us. Aside from that, he really loves Treyvon. Palagi niya rin kinakarga dahil nasanay na siya no’ng nasa Cleveland palang kami.

“What do you think of him?” I asked with smile.

Tinanaw namin ang sasakyan ni Trevor na lumabas sa malaking gate.

May kailangan siyang tignan sa site ngayong araw kahit pa wala naman dapat siyang trabaho. He told me that he’ll be before lunch.

Kapag ganitong alam kong abala siya, hindi naman ako masyadong apektado. Probably because I have other things to do as well. May anak na ako na kailangan kong pagtuunan ng pansin. Nandito rin ang magulang ko para makausap ko. Mayro’n din akong malayang komunikasyon sa aking mga kaibigan. Kaya hindi rin mabigat sa loob ko na hayaan siyang gawin ang mga dapat niyang gawin.

I think, since I gave birth and became a mom, I turned out to be more practical and independent. Motherhood is challenging and it made me mature in some amazing ways. Though, sometimes, I still feel the childish in me. Kahit na may anak na ako, hindi naman din nawala sa akin ang mga paglalambing at mga tampo. Narito pa rin sa akin.

Masaya ako dahil nariyan si Trevor para umintindi sa akin at sa mga emosyon na hindi ko palaging kayang kontrolin.

“He’s an intelligent man…”

“I told you,” I beamed with pride. “Mukha siyang hindi seryoso dati sa pag aaral niya. Pero no’ng nalaman ko na nagtatrabaho siya sa azucarera para masuportahan ang sarili niya, I realized that he’s very determined to finish his studies without his parents’ financial support.”

“It’s admirable. I’m glad that he wasn’t like his father.”

I shifted on my weight. We are still standing here at the patio, looking at the driveway and the garden.

The morning sunlight was hitting the water fountain just a meters away from us. The plants are lively and the colorful flowers added beauty to it. Now that my mother is healed, she gets back gardening and arranging flowers. It made her happy and alive. Kaya ang mga halaman at bulaklak dito sa amin ay mayabong.

“Dad, may I know why you didn’t like Monterells?”

He chuckled. Then shook his head. “It was in the past. I wanted it to stay there.”

But I’m curious!

“Just tell me about what happened? So, I’d have idea.”

He cleared his throat.

Habang pinagmamasdan ko ang aking ama, natanto ko na parang mas bumata pa yata siyang tignan ngayon. Hindi katulad no’ng kasagsagan ng problema sa aming pamilya, dumoble ang edad niya. He looked healthy as well.

“Well, aside from he’s a crook, he also tried to shut down Alcander Homes while I was making my way to make it big.”

“Why did he do that?” I am puzzled.

When I attended Theora’s birthday party before, I didn’t get the chance to talk to the Congressman because Trevor didn’t want me to. I understood because he hated his father.

“Because he was in love with your mother. I was a threat to him.”

Namilog ang mga mata ko. I covered my mouth with my palm. This is juicy! It made me nosy.

“Really? Did my mom know about this?”

“I don’t think so. But Theora knew.”

Nang nagtanong ako kay mommy dati tungkol sa bagay na ito, hindi ko naman siya nakitaan ng kung ano. It seemed to me that she has idea but she didn’t want to tell me.

“But… they got married too. Ibig sabihin, mahal naman nila ang isa’t isa.”

“Eventually they fell in love and he stopped from messing around us.”

“Alam kaya ni Trevor?” I can’t help but wonder.

“You better ask him. Ask him too why he left home.”“

“He left home because he hated his father.”

“That says a lot…” he meaningfully mumbled.

Ever since I discovered that Trevor left home, I got curious about his reasons. Humors said that he was rebellious. But what was his reasons back then? Why he hated his father?

Whenever I talked about it with hm, he’d always rather keep the truth from me. This time, I hope he would share to me his reasons why. I want us to be very open to each other. Ayokong mabuhay kami nang magkasama na may mga tanong sa aking isip na hindi masagot-sagot.

When I left alone with Trevor, I’ve started to ask him questions to fill my curiosity.

“Bakit umalis ka sa inyo dati?” I asked while I was sitting on his lap.

We are now inside his office. He’s sitting on his swivel chair and just done with his work for today. I don’t wanna go home yet until I know his reasons.

“I am curious. Dati ko pa gustong malaman ang dahilan mo, pero hindi ka pa handa na magkwento noon. How ’bout now?”

He caresses my cheek using his thumb while staring at me, eyes were gentle. He looked so divine against the orange sunlight. Behind us is the glass wall where I can see the majestic Mt. Kanalaon.

“I left home because I cannot seem to take my parents’ toxicity, my father’s violence against my mom, and his way of stealing money from people’s taxes. I didn’t want his money…” he muttered.

Trevor took a deep breath as if remembering those moments were stressful, but since I want the truth, he has no choice but to open up to me.

“I promised to myself that I will never be like him. I will treat my girlfriend or wife fairly. I will never hurt the woman that I love. I will never cause pain to my own family—to my children…”

Hinaplos ko ang panga niya. Binigyan ko siya ng magaan na ngiti. Gusto kong malaman niya na ang ginagawa niya ngayon na pagiging bukas na libro sa akin ay nagbibigay ng kasiyahan sa puso ko. I am honored that he trusts me with this.

“I swore to reach success through my own hardships. I endured all the afflictions even though I knew some people thought that I was rebellious… that I was stupid for leaving the comfort of home, when in reality that home was hell for me.”

He leaned closer until his lips almost touched mine. He’s slightly tapping my abdomen with his fingers as a way of making himself relax.

“Baby, I promise to you that our home will be filled with love and devotion. Your life with me won’t cause you distress. I won’t give you reason to let go. This love that I have for you will not continue without you.” He whispered lovingly.

My eyes shut closed when our lips met. I smiled through our passionate kiss as I felt my heart beating rapidly because of him.

EPILOGUE

EPILOGUE

A bona fide love cannot be shattered no matter how deep the wound is.

This is what I realized when I learned what love really means. I may get my heart broken when I left the man that I adore, but the love that I have for him didn’t fade one bit. Instead, my feelings get stronger like how rain pours during hurricane.

Walang katiyakan sa mundong ito. Ngunit sa tuwing iniisip ko kung gaano kalalim ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya, natatanto ko na ang tanging sigurado ay hindi magmamaliw itong nararamdaman ko.

I am not scared that I won’t get the same intensity of love because I understand that people express themselves differently. While others would rather love quietly, there are few who would rather love wildly.

Marahan ko siyang mamahalin katulad kung paano mahinahon na dumadampi sa aking balat ang mga patak ng ulan kapag may ambon. Tahimik na ibubulong sa kanya ang mga nararamdaman ko kagaya kung paano umihip ang hangin tuwing hapon.

My tears were forming my eyes while Trevor was saying his wedding vow to me.

Behind us is the calm ocean. The skies were painted with copper, rose and lavender colors. The gentle breeze was like a whisper of victory. It gave quietness to my heart. Tila ba ipinaparamdam sa akin ng hangin na nararapat para sa akin ang kasiyahan na ito.

I was staring back to my soon-to-be husband. He looked dashing and divinely stunning with his beige tailored suit. Some strands of his hair were dramatically falling on his forehead due to the wind. His gaze were loving and some tears threatened his eyes. He’s taking my breath away.

“When you thank me for being with you during those hard times, you didn’t know that I was thinking the same way as you do. I am grateful that you were with me during my tough times, during those moments that I thought I couldn’t make it. Your presence became my strength to continue the paths that I chose to live. Your smiles helped me endure all the hardships…” he paused to simply take a deep breath.

I smiled lovingly at him with my eyes full of admiration for him. I squeezed his hand on mine to urge him to continue. Because I like it so much whenever he expresses his feelings for me.

Pakiramdam ko sa amin lang umiikot ang mundo. Kaming dalawa lang ang narito. Ang mga tao sa paligid namin ay animo mga guni-guni nalang na nakasuporta sa aming dalawa. Habang nakatitig ako sa mga mata niya, tila ako dinadala sa paraiso na walang problema at sakuna. Ang lugar kung saan ang tanging mayro’n lang ay pagmamahal at ginhawa.

“When you left, I was lost. My world didn’t stop, but it was enveloped with nothing but darkness. I knew what to do yet I didn’t have the power to continue. But every time I thought about giving up, your beautiful face would always flashed in my mind, urging me to keep going… despite not having you beside me…”

I gasped to stop my sobs. Masaya ako ngunit humahapdi ang aking puso dahil sa mga naririnig ko galing kay Trevor. Hindi ko akalain na may ganito siyang pinagdaanan… na ganito ang mga tumatakbo sa isip niya noong wala ako.

The way he grips on my hand tightened a bit as if he’s also becoming emotional. I had to use my other hand to stroke his in a tender way—hoping that it would lessen the overwhelming feeling he has right now.

“… I walked alone and made my way to success with you in my mind. Sa tuwing iniisip kita, nabubuhayan ako, nagkakaro’n ako ng rason para magpatuloy. When I finally have the triumph in my hands, the fulfillment wasn’t felt. There was missing and I knew, it was you.”

I heard our guests and love ones sobbing.

Tuluyan nang bumagsak ang mga luha sa aking pisngi. I don’t mind having my wedding make-ups get ruined. I am too emotional and to the moon that my tears were uncontrollable.

His success was a poignant memories of my pregnancy. While he was making his way to achieve all his goals, I was carrying our child. And probably when he finally reached the victory, I already have our son in my arms.

“Baby, without you… my success was meaningless.” He said sincerely.

I pouted a bit through my tears. I saw his gaze turned gentle and his lips has a sly smile.

“I dedicated my achievements to you as much as I devoted my life with you. From this moment on, I promise to be your light when the paths that you are walking into would turn dark. I will be your shield when rain pours… your human blanket when you are cold… and your home that will protect you and gives you comfort.”

Trevor slowly slide the wedding ring on my finger.

My lips trembled. My hearts won’t stop from hammering against my chest.

“I love you so much, my wife…” he whispered gently.

He lifted my veil when the priest announced that he can now kiss me.

I giggled and cupped his jaw. “You made me cry in happiness. I love you from the bottom of my heart, my husband.”

Our lips met to seal our everlasting love.

The crowd gave us a round of applause. When I felt Treyvon pulling my mermaid gown, I stopped from kissing my husband.

“Mommy! Daddy!”

Our son is jumping on his feet with so much excitement, looking like his father with his beige suite as well.

“Baby, come…” I was about to carry her but Trevor stopped me.

Nagkatinginan kami. When I saw him smirk, I knew already what he meant. I blushed.

“Mommy can’t carry you, lil champ. Come…” he was the one who carry our son.

“Yeah! My lili sister was sleeping in her womb!”

I pursed my lips and stroked my abdomen. We just discovered that I am pregnant a week before our wedding day. I kinda knew it because my cravings and mood swings were very similar when I was pregnant with our first child.

During our wedding celebration, Trevor, Grego, and Silvano have a surprise song to perform. And honestly, we all didn’t expect that.

“What? My husband didn’t me this!” I giggled with my friends beside me.

“Grego, hid this from me too!” Charlotta was surprised.

“I have no idea as well!” Solaris’ eyes were twinkling.

“Game on! I’m ready to hear you guys sing after so many years! This feels nostalgic!” Yusef yelled in delight as he lifted his glass of champagne.

Yusef Costalles, my best-friend is my maid of honor. He was overwhelmed when I told him that. He deserved it. He has been a very good friend to me ever since. I appreciate him so much and I love him.

Trevor is in front of the microphone stand, looking hot with his white dress shirt, showing a bit of his hard chest because he unbuttoned at least three buttons. The muscles on his arms flexed against the fabric of his clothes and honestly, he made me crave.

I leered to myself when I realized that I am becoming needy! Hirap na hirap ako noon na kontrolin ang kasabikan ko sa kanya habang nagbubuntis ako. Now that I am with him, I really made sure that he satisfied me every time I need him.

Narinig ko ang tiljan nila Dalary at iba pang mga babae na ka-trabaho nila nang mag umpisa na pumailanlang ang musical instruments sa buong paligid. We are having a night dinner and party by the beach. All are guests are having fun and I am enjoying every bit of this special moment.

Trevor looked at and our eyes locked right away. He then started singing soulfully…

Every time our eyes meet

This feeling inside me

Is almost more than I can take

Baby, when you touch me

I can feel how much ya love me

And it just blows me away

I’ve never been this close to anyone or anything

I can hear your thoughts, I can see your dreams

This brought me back to those days were we just starting to get to know each other. Na akala ko ay laro lang ang lahat sa aming dalawa. I didn’t expect much from him because we were too young back then. But as time passed by, my young heart has started to adore him.

I don’t know how you do what you do

I’m so in love with you

It just keeps gettin’ better

I wanna spend the rest of my life with you by my side

Forever and ever

Every little thing that you do

Baby, I’m amazed by you

Trevor was smiling tenderly at me while his eyes were full of devotion for me. Even the way his eyes glimpse I can see how much he’s so in love with me. At hindi ko mapigilan na huwag mahulog sa kanya nang paulit ulit.

The smell of your skin

The taste of your kiss

The way you whisper in the dark

Your hair all around me

Baby, you surround me

Ya touch every place in my heart

Oh, it feels like the first time every time

I wanna to spend the whole night in your eyes

Habang pinapanood ko siyang kinakantahan ako, tahimik akong bumabalik sa aming nakaraan. Would would’ve thought that we are going to marry each other one day? That we are going to have children and build our own family?

Indeed, love moves in mysterious way we could hardly imagine. It will come when time is right and it will fade when the person is not meant for you. Love is very patient too. It could endure the long time of waiting. It could wait no matter how long it will take.

I am panting sexily while my husband was claiming me in a very, very gentle way. He’s spooning me from behind, one are was wrapped around me and the other one served as my pillow. His kisses all over my nape and shoulder were melting me.

“Uhhh… mmm…”

“Mahal kita…” he was breathless.

I hugged his forearm on my stomach. I turned my face a bit for me to reach his lips. Then I kissed him to make him feel how much I love him too.

Trevor pumped deeper, I could feel his tip poking my lower abdomen and it made me sigh is delight. Hindi ko makapag concentrate sa marahan na halikan namin dahil talagang naaagaw ng atensyon ko ang aming pag iisa.

I moaned between our kissing when he literally rested his hard member inside of me. As if that’s where it belonged exactly. It perfectly fits me… like it was meant to be claimed by me.

Napapikit ako at umawang ang labi nang maramdaman ko ang init na kumalat sa aking loob. His heavy breathing sounded sensual that it didn’t stop my cravings to ask for more of him. I don’t mind not going outside, I could stay in our cabana here in Playa Azure all day and night just to make love with my husband.

While I was having a nap, we heard a knock on our door. Followed with our son’s voice.

“Let me talk to him,” bumangon ang asawa ko para pagbuksan ang aming anak.

I pretended to be asleep. I have no energy yet to get up. My body needs to rest because we’ve been making love since last night. I am sore too.

“Where’s mom?” I heard Treyvon’s cute voice.

“She’s asleep. Do you wanna kiss her?”

Narinig ko na bumukas ang pinto. I properly covered my naked body with the white blanket.

“Mommy? Are you sleeping? Are you okay?” My son’s voice held with concern.

I opened my eyes and extended my arm for him to come to me. Agad siyang lumapit sa akin at yumakap.

“Mommy is fine. I’m just sleepy. You know, your sister likes to sleep…” I said playfully.

Treyvon’s eyes twinkled. He then rested his head above my stomach.

“Keep sleeping my baby sister. I’m very excited to see you.”

“She’s excited to see you too, anak.”

We don’t know yet the gender of our second child. I hope it’s a girl this time. Pero kung lalaki ulit, magiging masaya pa rin ako. We can always make another baby until we’d have a girl though.

When I have enough energy, we went to the beach. I am wearing a black one piece and let my long hair down on my back. My baby bump is not yet showing. Hindi rin alam ng mga kaibigan ko na buntis ako.

“Pagod na pagod?” tukso sa akin ni Yusef.

I rolled my eyes. “I am tired from last night’s celebration.”

“Pinagod ni engineer ’yan sigurado!” Dalary grinned.

Naupo ako sa sun lounger habang si Trevor naman ay sinamahan ang anak namin na maligo sa dagat. They are also with other kids and the parents.

“Imposibleng hindi ka ginapang ng asawa mo?”

Tumawa ako. “Hindi naman ako papayag diyan.”

My friends laughter echoed around.

“Lalo kayong naging sweet sa isa’t isa. Ang lagkit palagi ng tingin sa ’yo ni Trevor.”

“Dapat lang. Gusto kong mabaliw sa akin ang asawa ko.”

“Baliw na siya sa ’yo dati pa. Sad boy nga si Monterell noong wala ka dati.”

“Oo! Kami ang magpapatunay. Bukod sa brokenhearted, palagi pang galit. Kaya naiyak kami no’ng marinig ang wedding vow niya. Mahal na mahal ka talaga ni Trevor kahit dati pa.”

I nodded my head to agree. Tinignan ko ang asawa at anak ko na nakikipaglaro sa kalmadong hampas ng alon.

Trevor is topless which revealed how muscular he is. His solid muscles were really makes me arouse. Kaya tuloy kapag hahalikan niya palang ako, nasasabik na agad ako ng sobra na maangkin niya.

“Ang laki ng katawan ’no? Ang dami pa rin nagkaka crush diyan eh! Lalo na mga newbies sa company.” Glenda informed me.

“Talaga?” I am surprised.

Well, I shouldn’t be. Trevor Monterell is a one hell good looking man. Marami nang nagkakagusto sa kanya noon, paano pa kaya ngayon?

“He’s very loyal to you. Ikaw lang ang babaeng mahal na mahal niya mula noon hanggang ngayon.”

I believed them. They knew how our relationship started, how we broke up, and got back together. They are part of our journey. When they said something to me especially about Trevor, I acknowledge it.

“Ang blooming mo, ha? Is this because of love or there is something else?” Charlotta beamed at me.

“I’m pregnant…”

Nagtilian sila na para bang unang beses ko itong pagbubuntis na nalaman nila. Sabagay, no’ng kay Treyvon kasi ay inilihim ko. Ngayon lang sila nagkaro’n nang pagkakataon na marinig galing sa akin na buntis ako.

They congratulated me. They are very happy for me and Trevor. I have a good laugh with my friends. When their kids need them, they all went to the sea to be with them. That’s when the time Trevor and Treyvon were done from swimming.

I watched them both walking towards me, holding each other’s hand. Behind them is the pinkish sunlight before the sunset. They are like art that making their way to their owner.

Trevor leaned to kiss my forehead. He then positioned himself behind me while our son fit himself in between my thighs. I pulled Treyvon closer to me so he can lay on my chest as I see his sleepy eyes.

My husband wrapped his muscled arms around me and rested his face on my neck. I can feel his loud heartbeat against my back and it was amazing.

With them beside me, I feel whole and contented. I know that my life would be worth living because I’m surrounded by people that love me genuinely. This is what I was wished for.

While he’s giving my neck a subtle kisses, his palm was stroking my abdomen.

“Te amo.” I whispered lovingly.