Mallory del Prado

“Shit.” Mahinang mura ko ng bumangga ako sa isang matigas na bagay sa harap ko. The drinks on the tray flew in all possible direction, soaking my playboy bunny uniform. Agad na pumasok sa isip ko ang galit na mukha ng manager namin. Ang mahal mahal ng mga alak na natapon ko, sigurado akong ibabawas ito sa sweldo ko. I was too caught up with my worries that it took me awhile to notice the man standing in front of me. Ang una kong nakita ay ang puti na button down shirt niya na nabasa din ng alak. I slowly brought my eyes up to his face.

Even in the dim light of the bar, his honey eyes were so piercing, so illuminating, and so beautiful.

Tisoy.

Siya ang unang pumasok sa isip ko ng makita ko ang mga matang iyon. His eye were exotic and enchanting. I had never seen a pair of eyes as beautiful as those since Tisoy. I swallowed, my heart racing against my chest.

“Okay ka lang?” His voice was as smooth as velvet. So manly.

Tango lang ang naisagot ko. He smiled and a pair of dimples dented his stubble covered cheeks. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at lalong lumakas ang kabog ng dibdib ko. Same pair of eyes and dimples… I scanned his face. He had the same narrow and pointed nose and the same full lips. His face was just more mature now, more defined.

“Tisoy.” The name somehow made its way out of my mouth.

“Mallory del Prado.” He said and that confirmed everything.

“TISOY!” Parang gulat pa rin na ulit ko sa pangalan niya. “Oh my god, ikaw nga!”

“Derek von Einsiedel.” He held out his hand with an air of formality.

It had been a lot of years since the last time I saw him. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong maramdaman, hindi ko alam kung paano ako gagalaw sa harap niya at kung paano ako magsasalita. My mind went completely blank.

Bago ko pa matanggap ang kamay niya saka naman dumating si ‘Ms. Minchin’, iyon ang tawag namin sa malditang manager namin behind her back. Lukot na naman ang mukha nitong lumapit sa kinatatayuan namin. Pumamewang siya sa harap ko at inismidan ako.

“Ano ba naman ’yan, Mallory? Ilang buwan ka na sa trabahong ito tatanga-tanga ka pa rin. Alam mo ba kung gaano kamahal yang bote ng alak na natapon mo at ang mga baso, nako imported pa yan. Hindi ka kasi nag-iingat, tignan mo nakatapon ka pa!” Galit na sabi nito bago humarap kay Tisoy o Derek. “Sir, sorry sa abala. You can order whatever drink you want, it’s on the house.”

“No, it’s alright.” He politely said and looked at me. “Ako naman ang may kasalanan. Magkano ba ang mga natapon niyang alak at isama mo na ang mga nabasag na baso. Charge everything on me.” He took out a black leathered wallet from his pocket and he handed Ms. Minchin his black card without breaking his gaze from me.

Napakurap ang bruha at sandaling hindi nakakibo bago siya nakabawi at kinuha ang credit card mula sa lalaki. Nang makaalis na si Ms. Minchin ay hinubad niya ang suit jacket na suot niya at ipinatong ito sa balikat ko.

“Hindi ako sanay na nakikita kang ganyan.” Nakasamingot na sabi niya. “Can we talk?”

Before I could even answers, hawak niya na ako sa braso at inaalalayan papunta sa isang bakanteng mesa sa sulok ng bar. He pulled a chair for me, I sat in it and gave him a smile of thank you. He sat on the chair on the opposite side of the table.

“Ang laki na ng pinagbago mo.” I said, I tried to hide my amusement as I looked at him but it didn’t work. Malayo na siya sa dating Tisoy na kilala ko. He looked refined now, almost aristocratic.

“Ikaw din.” May lungkot sa boses na sabi niya habang nakatingin sa akin. Ngayon ako nakaramdam ng hiya sa itsura ko ngayon. I was wearing a black strapless one piece corset, white stockings, and a pair of bunny ear headband.

“Oh how the might have fallen.” He said, shaking his head.

Yumuko ako para maiwasan ang mga titig niya sa akin na para bang awang-awa siya. I was at the lowest of the low, at the rock bottom of my life. I wanted to cry but I held my tears in. I would never cry in front of him.

Indeed, the mighty had fallen with all her potentials and dreams.

Chapter One

Mallory

I was nine when I first saw him. He was thin, and frail, and dirty. But his honey eyes stood out in stark contrast to his sunken and dirty face. I woke up thinking that it would just be a normal Sunday for us. Magsisimba kaming pamilya, kakain sa labas at uuwi na. As we were walking out of the church after a mass, a kid’s scream caught our attention. Nagmamakaawa ang bata na pakawalan siya habang hawak siya sa likod ng maduming damit niya ng isang malaking lalaki.

Dad wanted to know what was happening. Pinigilan siyang mangialam ni mommy pero hindi siya nagpaawat. Iniwan niya kami ni mommy na nakatayo sa harap ng simbahan at nilapitan ang lalaki. The kid calmed down as the big guy and dad talked. He took out his wallet and gave the man a bill. Maya-maya pa ay nakapatong na ang kamay ni daddy sa balikat ng batang lalaki habang naglalakad sila pabalik sa kinatatayuan namin.

“Sino ang batang yan?” Tanong ni mommy ng makalapit sila.

“Ano ang pangalan mo, hijo?” Daddy gently asked the boy.

“Tisoy.” Maikling sagot nito.

“Tisoy, totoo bang nagnakaw ka ng tinapay sa bakery?”

“Gutom na gutom na kasi ako. Babayaran ko rin naman yun, wala lang akong pera ngayon.” Nakayukong sabi nito.

Daddy and mommy looked at each other with pity in their eyes.

“Gusto mo bang sumama sa amin kumain sa labas.” Mommy asked him.

He paused for a few seconds before nodding his head. Kasama namin siyang sumakay sa kotse. Dad sat on the driver’s seat and mom sat next to him.

“Daddy, he’s dirty.” Sabi ko ng papasok na siya ng kotse. “Baka madumihan ang seat ’pag umupo siya dito.”

“Mallory, that’s not a nice thing to say!” Galit na sabi ni daddy sa akin. Parang nahiya naman napaurong siya.

“Hijo, sumakay ka na.” Dad said. Tisoy hesitantly got in the car and sat a seat away from me. I made a face. He didn’t smell so good too.

“What do you have to say to him, Mallory?” Tanong ni Dad sa akin while he was looking at me in the rear view mirror.

“Nothing.” I shrugged.

“Ano’ng mararamdaman mo kapag sa’yo sinabi ng iba ang mga sinabi mo kay Tisoy?” Mom asked turning her head to me.

“I bathe and change my clothes everyday.” I said grumpily crossing my arms to my chest.

“Maswerte ka dahil di lahat ng bata nagagawa ang mga nagagawa mo. That’s why you should never take anything for granted.” Mom said, shaking her head.

Hindi na ko nagsalita pa. I felt really pissed off. I didn’t understand kung bakit kinakampihan nina mommy at daddy ang batang ’yun. I was their daughter and he was just a boy who stole bread from a bakery. Pumihit ang ulo ko sa kinauupuan ni Tisoy. Totoo naman na madumi siya and he smelled really bad. Naging brown na sa dumi ang puting sando niya, ang shorts niya sira-sira at nangingitim na ang mga paa niya sa putik. He wasn’t wearing any slippers.

“Bakit wala kang suot na slippers?” I couldn’t help but ask as I was looking at his feet. “Kaya ang dumi dumi ng paa mo.”

He looked down at his feet and wiggled his dirty toes. “Nasira na kasi ang tsinelas ko.”

“Hindi bale, ibibili ka na lang kita ng bago.” Lumingon si mommy kay Tisoy at nginitian ito.

“I want a new pair of slippers too.” I said.

“Okay pa naman ang mga slippers mo at saka marami ka naman sa bahay. Mas kailangan ni Tisoy iyon.” Mom said.

I wasn’t used to sharing my parents’ attention with anyone. Wala naman kasi akong kapatid kaya sanay akong ako lang ang binibigyan pansin nina mommy at daddy. And then this dirty, stinky boy came. I felt it was unfair. Bakit siya bibilhan ni mommy ng slippers at ako hindi? I wanted to push him out of the car.

The car stopped in front of a fast food restaurant. I hopped out of the car and marched my way in. Sumunod naman si mommy, daddy at si Tisoy. We ordered our food and sat on one of the booth next to the window. Nang maserve na sa amin ang pagkain, Tisoy immediately grabbed his fork and dugged into the spaghetti. Nagmamadali ito sa pagkain na para bang nasa eating contest siya. His mouth was like a black hole, really. I wondered if he was even chewing his food or was he just slurping it into his stomach. I had never seen someone eat as fast as him.

“Dahan-dahan lang, baka mabulunan ka. Kapag naubos yan at gusto mo pa, oorder pa tayo.” Natatawang sabi ni daddy.

He wiped the spaghetti sauce off the corner of his mouth with his arm. Nabaling naman ang atensyon niya sa chicken at nginata ito na parang kumakain lang ng mais. “Mas masarap pala ’pag hindi pagpag.”

“Ano’ng pagpag?” Tanong ni mommy.

“Yung mga tira-tirang manok na napupulot namin sa basurahan.” I could barely understand what he was saying because his mouth was full.

“Kumakain ka ng pagkain na galing sa basurahan?” Gulat na tanong ni daddy.

“Oo pero ngayon hindi na kami nakakakuha ng pagpag kasi may mga sigang naghahari-harian sa mga basurang dumadating sa amin. Kaya nga kinuha ko muna yung tinapay sa bakery kasi gutom na gutom na ako, babayaran ko naman iyon kapag nakapagkalakal na ako.” Kwento ni Tisoy.

“Nasaan ang mga magulang mo?” Asked mommy.

“Hindi ko alam kung nasaan ang tatay ko, sabi ng tita ko nabuntis lang daw si Emma ng foreigner noong nagtatrabaho pa siya sa club sa Angeles.”

“Kaya pala tisoy na tisoy ka dahil foreigner ang tatay mo.” Nakangiting sabi ni daddy.

“Yun na ang tawag nila sa akin bata pa lang ako.” Tisoy shrugged. “Si Emma naman, yung nanay ko, nakapag-asawa ng matandang hapon at nasa Japan na ngayon.”

“Bakit Emma lang ang tawag mo sa kanya?”

“Kasi yun yung sabi niya. Ayaw niyang tawagin ko siyang nanay dahil masyado pa daw siyang bata para maging ina. Kaya Emily.”

“Wala bang nag-aalaga sa’yo?” Tanong ni mommy.

“Wala. Dati nakatira ako sa tita ko kaso ilang buwan ng hindi nakakapagpadala si Emily. Hindi na nga nila makontak kaya madalas pinagbubuntungan ako ng galit ng asawa ng tita ko. Palagi akong binubugbog kahit wala naman akong ginagawa, lalo na kapag lasing siya. Hindi naman kaya ng tita ko ang asawa niya kaya pinaalis niya na lang ako.”

I lifted my chin up, once I pulled myself back together, and bravely met his gaze. “Pinuntahan mo lang ba ako para insultuhan. Para ipamukha sa akin kung gaano na kalayo ang narating mo para lalo akong manliit sa sarili ko?”

“Mallory, gusto kitang tulungan.” He said.

“Hindi ko kailangan ng tulong o awa mo.” Mariin na sabi ko.

“Gusto kong makabayad sa ginawa ng pamilya mo sa akin noon.”

“Ang mga magulang ko ang tumulong sa’yo, hindi ako. They’re gone now kaya kalimutan mo na iyon.” Mariin na sabi ko.

“Narinig ko ang nangyari sa kanila. I’m sorry.” He weakly said.

“Babalik na ako sa trabaho, baka mapagalitan na ako ng boss ko.” I said. I was about to stand up when he grabbed my hand, making me sit back down again.

“You don’t have to do this Mallory. Ito ba talaga ang trabahong gusto mo? I don’t want you serving these drunk assholes.” He firmly said.

“Huwag mo akong pakialaman. Kaya ko ang sarili ko.” I said pulling my hand away from his grip.

“Hindi ka pa rin pala talaga nagbabago. You’re still the old Mallory I know.” He shook his head, looking at me with sad eyes. “You’re beautiful and smart, you deserve better than this. Hayaan mong tulungan kita.”

“I don’t need your help. Bakit ba ang kulit mo? Hindi mo kailangan tulungan dahil lang sa utang na loob mo sa mga magulang ko. Don’t you remember? I hated you then and I still hate you now. Kahit anong tago mo sa dati mong pagkatao, para sa akin ikaw pa rin ang madumi at mabahong batang nadampot ni daddy sa labas ng simbahan.”

He sighed, his expression darkened. “Kahit kailan hindi ko ikinahiya ang pinagmulan ko. Ikaw ang hindi makatanggap sa sitwasyon mo ngayon. Hindi mo kayang tanggapin na ang madumi at mabahong batang iyon ang tutulong sa’yo ngayon.”

I didn’t say anything. His words felt like swords through my heart. Masakit pala talaga ang katotohanan. He was now way up there and I was now way down here. After all these years, hindi pa rin magtagpo ang mundo namin.

“Kung sakaling kailanganin mo ang tulong ko. Huwag kang magdalawang-isip na lumapit sa akin.” He said, sliding a silver calling card on the table in front of me. “Call me anytime you need me.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Naalala mo yung sabi ko sa’yo na hindi kita pababayaan?” He asked and a slight smile crept across his face. “I keep my words.”

Chapter Two

Mallory

Mom and Dad had always wanted a son. Pagkapanganak sa akin nakitaan ng bukol ang ovary ni mommy kaya kinailangan tanggalin iyon. Dahil doon hindi na ako nasundan pa, kahit plano talaga nilang magkaroon ng dalawang anak.

Maybe that was the reason they were so fond of Tisoy. Binabalik-balikan nila si Tisoy, sinasama nilang kumain sa labas pagkatapos namin magsimba. They bought him new clothes and a pair of slippers. He was a little cleaner now compared to the day we first met him, and he gained a few pounds too. Natutuwa sina mommy at daddy tuwing may nakikita silang improvement kay Tisoy. Hindi nila alam na nagseselos ako dahil may iba na silang binabalingan ng atensyon nila bukod sa akin. I felt like I was no longer the center of their universe. I hated that feeling. I started to hate Tisoy too.

“Hindi ka pa din ba umuuwi sa tita mo?” Tanong ni daddy habang kumakain kami.

Umiling siya habang ngumunguya. “Pinalayas na niya ako, saka ayoko na talagang bumalik doon. Gagawin na naman akong punching bag ng asawa niya.”

“Saan ka nakatira ngayon?” Mom curiously asked.

“Wala, kahit saan lang. Kahit saan ako maabutan ng antok, doon ako na tutulog pero madalas nasa tabi ako ng simbahan.”

“Nag-aaral ka pa ba?”

He shook his head. “Hanggang grade two lang ako pero kapag may nakukuha akong mga libro sa basura, tinatago ko yun doon sa gilid ng simbahan yung walang makakakita tapos binabasa ko. Lalo na yung libro sa eskwelahan. Natututo naman ako sa mga binabasa ko, ganun din naman sa eskwelahan. Kung ano ang nasa libro, yun din ang tinuturo nila.”

“Gusto mo pa bang mag-aral?” Dad asked.

“Kung ako lang, syempre gusto kong ituloy yung pag-aaral ko kaso wala naman akong magulang na mag-eenroll sa akin, wala akong pangbili ng uniform, wala akong baon. Yung dapat na oras ko para sa pangangalakal para may makain ako mapupunta sa oras sa eskwelahan. Kaya hindi na lang.” Kibit-balikat na sabi niya.

Dad smiled at him. “Alam mo, matalino kang bata. Sa pananalita mo pa lang alam kong matalino ka.”

Tisoy smiled back at him, shaping off his pair of dimples. “Talaga? Ikaw pa lang nagsasabi sa akin niyan.”

“Ako din. Tingin ko matalino kang bata.” Mommy said and then she shifted her gaze to dad. “Kaya nga naisip namin na kung gusto mo, kung gusto mo lang naman, tumira ka muna sa bahay namin. Kami na ang magpapaaral sa’yo at magbibigay ng lahat ng kailangan mo. Sayang naman kasi. Mabait at matalino kang bata, we don’t want it to go to waste.”

Tisoy stopped, he looked shocked. And I was as shocked as him.

“I’m not going to share my room with him!” Nakasimangot na sabi ko.

“You don’t have to share your room, honey. We still have two spare rooms remember? Tisoy can use one of it.” Mommy tucked some lose strands of my hair behind my ear. I wanted to protest. Natakot ako na baka mabaling na ang lahat ng atensyon nila kay Tisoy. Hindi lang tuwing Sunday ako may kahati sa mga magulang ko, he’d be with us everyday. Paano kung mas mahalin nila si Tisoy kaysa sa akin? Paano na ako?

“But mommy, I don’t want him to live with us.” I whined.

The excitement on Tisoy’s face disappeared.

Sandaling nagkatinginan sina mommy at daddy. Mom stroked my hair as I frowned at them. “Mallory, anak, maswerte ka kasi nakakapag-aral ka. Nandito kami ng daddy mo na nagmamahal sa’yo. Hindi lahat ng bata meron nang kung anong meron ka. Hindi maganda ang ganyang ugali. Masarap sa pakiramdam ang nakakatulong ka. Kung ikaw ang nasa posisyon niya, gusto ko rin may tumulong sa’yo katulad ng ginagawa namin ng daddy mo ngayon.”

Being the nine year old I was, I didn’t understand what my mother was saying. All I knew was that I didn’t want him to go home with us. I crossed my arms over to my chest and frowned.

Pilit na ngumiti si Tisoy, “Marami naman akong natututunan sa mga librong binabasa ko kaya wag na lang. Ang dami niyo na ngang naitulong sa akin, binigyan niyo na ako ng tsinelas, ng mga damit at saka sinasama niyo pa akong kumain sa labas. Sobra-sobra ng tulong iyon.”

“Pero Tisoy, iba pa rin yung nag-aaral ka sa eskwelahan.” Sabi ni daddy.

Dahil sa pagpilit ni mommy at daddy ay napapayag na nila si Tisoy na sumama sa amin. We brought him home with us that day. I never said a word to them but I made it clear with my frown that I didn’t like what they were doing.

Tuwang-tuwa si Tisoy ng makita ang bahay namin. He said he had never seen a house as huge as ours. I wouldn’t say we were super duper rich. We were an upper middle class family. We lived in a five bedroom house, we had a helper, and a car. Dad owned a pub restaurant and Mom was a pediatrician.

My parents showed him around the house and he got so excited when he saw his bedroom, it was right next to mine. Tuwang-tuwang lumundag siya sa kama at nagtatalon. I had never seen someone this happy before. While he was being showered with attention, I, on the other hand, felt ignored and neglected. Umalis na ako at nagpunta sa playroom ko. Umupo ako sa desk sa sulok at nagcolor na lang ako ng mawala ang inis ko. I was mindlessly coloring my coloring book, wala na akong pakialam kung lagpas ang color ko o kung pudpod na ang crayon dahil sa diin ng pagkukulay ko.

Biglang bumukas ang pinto ng kwarto at nakita ko si Tisoy. Lumapit siya sa akin at umupo sa bakanteng silya sa tabi. Hindi ako kumibo at sinimangutan ko siya. I pretended he was invisible and tried to focus on coloring Cinderella’s carriage.

“Mallory, gusto mong maglaro tayo sa labas?” He asked in a friendly tone.

I shook my head without looking up at him. I ignored him but he still wouldn’t leave me alone. Kumuha siya ng papel na nakakalat sa desk at nagsimula siyang tupi-tupiin iyon. I stopped what I was doing and watched him.

“Anong ginagawa mo?” Inis na tanong ko. Hindi siya sumagot at nagpatuloy lang sa kung anuman ang ginagawa niya. Pinanood ko siya hanggang sa maging hugis ibon na ang papel na iyon. A beautiful paper bird. I was so fascinated.

“Paper crane.” Saka pa lang sumagot si Tisoy ng matapos na iyon. “Nabasa ko ’to doon sa librong napulot ko dati. Origami daw ang tawag dito.”

“Ang ganda.” Wala sa sariling sabi ko. Inabot niya iyon sa akin at tinanggap ko naman. I still couldn’t believe that this was made with a single flat paper.

“Hipan mo.” Sabi niya.

“Huh?” I looked at him, cluelessly.

“Hipan mo sa butas sa ilalim.” He said.

Tinignan ko ang ilalim at may butas nga doon. I did what he told me to do. I blew into the hole and the body of the paper crane expanded.

“Nabasa ko din na kapag daw nakagawa ka ng isang libong paper crane, pwede kang mag-wish ng kahit ano at magkakatotoo daw iyon.” Sabi niya.

Binuklat ko ang paborito kong libro at nahulog doon ang nakatuping paper crane. The nostalgia of my childhood came rushing back. It was the paper crane Tisoy gave to me when I was nine. The paper used to be white pero dahil sa kalumaan, naging brown na ito. Inayos ko iyon hanggang sa magmukha ulit paper crane. I didn’t know why I kept this for so long. Basta natatandaan ko, gandang-ganda ako dito. Naalala ko ang sinabi niya noong ibinigay niya sa akin ito. Sabi niya pwede daw magwish kapag nakagawa ka ng isang libo nito. I wondered if it was really true.

Hindi ko akalain na ang Tisoy na nakita ko kagabi ay ang Tisoy na kinupkop nina mommy at daddy. He was now Derek von Einsiedel, a rich bank magnate. Marami na akong nabasang article tungkol sa kanya, mga magazine interviews. He had been linked to a lot of women, from hollywood stars to famous models. But despite his status he had stayed humble. He had funded scholarships, he had build an orphanage for children, and other than that he done a lot of charity works.

At ito ako ngayon, umuupa ng kwarto sa isang maliit at lumang bahay. Tuwing umuulan, ilang timba ang kailangan kong ilabas dahil sa butas sa kisame. Tatlong beses ko nang sinabi iyon sa may-ari ng bahay, palagi niyang sinasabi na ipagagawa niya iyon pero magtatlong buwan na ako dito wala pa rin nangyayari. Ang boarder naman sa tabi ng kwarto ko, gabing-gabi na nagpapatugtog pa ng malakas. Pag-uwi ko ng madaling araw at pagod na pagod ako sa trabaho, masakit na nga ang ulo ko sa ingay sa club pati ba naman pag-uwi ko. Makaipon lang talaga ako ng konting pera, lilipat na ako sa ibang boarding house.

My phone rang and an unfamiliar number popped into the screen.

I answered. “Hello?”

“Good morning, Mallory.” I heard a deep, velvety voice.

“Paano mo nalaman ang number ko?” Gulat na sabi ko.

He stifled a laugh. “I have connections.”

“What do you want from me?” I tried my best to sound annoyed.

“Let’s have lunch. We have a lot of catching up to do.” He said.

“No, we don’t. Pwede ba, tigilan mo na ako, Tisoy. Oo na, I get it. Mayaman ka na, naingudngod mo na sa mukha ko, ano pa ba ang kailangan mo?”

I heard him exhale. “You know that’s not my intention.”

“Ilang beses ko bang sasabihin sa’yo na hindi ko kailangan ng tulong mo. I don’t need you.”

“Mallory, I just want us to talk.”

“About what?” Asik ko.

“Everything. About you, about your parents, about what happened to you. It’s been so long.”

“Kailangan kong pumasok sa trabaho.” Dahilan ko.

“It’s your off today.”

“How did you know?”

“I have connections.”

“Yun naman pala. Baka hindi mo na lang gamitin yung connections na yun para malaman mo kung anuman ang gusto mong malaman ang nangyari sa buhay ko at ng mga magulang ko, tutal alam naman pala nila ang lahat, di ba?”

“Mallory.” He sighed. “Please, for old time’s sake.”

“Ilang taon kang nawala tapos babalik-balik ka ngayon? Ulol! For old time’s sake mo mukha mo!” I lost my cool and eyes began to water. I just hoped he never noticed the tremble in my voice.

Sandali siyang natigilan bago ko narinig na bumuntong-hininga ulit siya.

“Ikaw ang may gusto na umalis ako.” Sabi niya.

For a moment, I didn’t know what to say. Hinayaan kong tahimik na tumulo ang luha ko.

“Mommy and daddy wanted you to stay.” I said, trying to control the shakiness of my voice.

“But you wanted me gone, didn’t you?”

“Hindi kita pinaalis, kusa kang umalis.”

“Because that’s what you wanted.”

“I hate you.” I sniffled.

“Mallory…” Mahinang sabi niya. “Mallory, are you crying?”

Nang hindi ko na nakayanan ang pagpigil ng hikbi ko ay ibinagsak ko na ang telepono.

Chapter Three

Mallory

Hindi naman nahirapan sina mommy at daddy kunin ang documents ni Tisoy mula sa tita niya. I didn’t think they even cared about him. After getting his documents, they enrolled him to my school. Ang laki ng inayos ni Tisoy mula ng dumating siya dito sa amin isang buwan na ang nakakaraan. His face wasn’t sunken anymore, his eyes were brighter, he looked healthier. Sobrang kinatuwa naman iyon ng mga magulang ko.

Pinipilit ni mommy at daddy na kaibiganin ko si Tisoy. He also made attempts to befriend me but all those attempts failed. In my mind, he took away my parents’ attention and affection from me. Kahit hindi naman totoo, iyon ang pakiramdam ko. I didn’t like him and I made it very clear to him.

I never let him touch any of my toys. I never played with him. I never even talk to him. Mom and Dad knew I didn’t like him. They felt even more sorry for him at lalong mas nabaling ang atensyon nila kay Tisoy na lalo ko naman kinaselos.

He was in third grade while I was in fifth when school started. Siya ang pinakamatanda sa klase niya dahil ngayon lang ulit siya nakabalik sa eskwelahan. I didn’t want any of my schoolmates to see us together. It would be embarrassing if anyone would think that we were brothers and sisters. Kaya nga pag nasa school kami, I tell him to stay away from me as far as possible.

He didn’t have any friends on his first day of school and he didn’t know anyone. Nang mag-recess, he tried to sit on the same table I was sitting on in the cafeteria and I told him that he needed to find another seat because I was saving it for my friends. Tumayo siya sa table at lumipat sa bakanteng table. He sat and ate alone. I kind of felt bad about it. Pagkatapos naman ng ilang araw nagkaroon na rin siya ng mga kaibigan. Even my classmates and some of the sixth graders started having crush on him.

“Akin na ang baon mo.” Hinarang ako ni Roy ang isa sa mga bully ng school habang papunta ako sa canteen. He was a big kid, too big for his age and he was fat.

I frowned at him. “Bakit ko ibibigay ang baon ko sa’yo? Hindi ka ba binibigyan ng mommy at daddy mo?”

“Pag sinabi kong akin na ang baon mo, ibibigay mo sa akin kung ayaw mong suntukin kita.” He threatened.

“Bakla ka ba? My dad said mga bakla lang nananakit ng girls!”

“Wala akong pakialam. Yan daddy mo ang bakla! Gusto mo talagang suntukin kita?” Galit na sabi niya.

“Hindi bakla ang daddy ko! Ikaw ang bakla!” Sigaw ko sa kanya bago ko siya sinipa sa tuhod. I kicked him really hard.

He screamed out in pain and held his bruised knee. I just looked at him, not knowing what to do. Nang makatayo ulit siya ay inambaan niya ako ng suntok. All I could do was shield myself with my arms. Before his fist could land on me, he let out another scream. Napatingin ako sa kanya at ngayon ay sapo-sapo niya na ang noo niya.

“Mallory.” I heard a familiar voice call me. Napalingon ako sa boses na iyon at nakita ko si Tisoy. He grabbed my hand and we ran. Tumakbo kami hanggang sa makahanap kami ng isang bakanteng classroom at nagtago kami doon.

“Okay ka lang?” Nag-aalalang tanong niya sa akin. “Sinaktan ka ba niya?”

I shook my head. I didn’t know what I was feeling at that time. My heart was pounding really loud at alam kong hindi iyon dahil sa pagtakbo namin. Mahirap ipaliwanag hangga’t hindi mo nararamdaman.

He held both my hands in his. “Hindi ko hahayaang may manakit sa’yo. Hindi kita pababayaan.”

Parang may kung anong kuryenteng dumaloy sa katawan ko habang hawak niya ang mga kamay ko kaya agad ko iyon binawi.

Tisoy and I got in trouble. Nagdugo ang noo ni Roy dahil sa pagkakabato sa kanya at nagsumbong siya sa teacher namin. He told our teacher that we threw a rock on him. Hindi naman itinanggi iyon ni Tisoy. Galit na galit daw ang nanay ni Roy.

We were called in the principal’s office and they called my parents’ too.

“We do not allow this kind of violent behavior in our school.” Sabi ng principal. “Hindi lang suspension ang pwede namin ibigay sa kanila. They could be expelled.”

“We’re so sorry, Mr. Nepomuceno. My daughter had been in this school since kindergarten, malinis ang record niya at alam kong mabait na bata si Tisoy. Hindi nila ito gagawin ng walang matinding dahilan.” Sabi ni daddy.

“Kahit ano pa ang dahilan nila, mali pa rin iyon. Paano kung pumutok ang ulo ng estudyanteng binato nila? I can’t let this go. I don’t want them setting a bad example to other children in this school. I’ll be suspending them for five days pero kapag may narinig ulit akong hindi maganda, mapipilitan na akong i-expel sila.”

“Ako lang naman po ang bumato kay Roy.” Sabi ni Tisoy. “Huwag niyo na po i-suspend si Mallory. Nadamay lang po siya. Nag-away po kasi kami ni Roy, pinipigilan lang niya kami.”

He lied to save me from getting suspended. Dalawang beses niya akong sinagip ng araw na iyon. Alam ko kung gaano kahalaga sa kanya ang pag-aaral. He loved going to school, he loved learning new things. He could have told them the truth but he chose not to because he didn’t want me to get suspended.

The club was packed. I had to squeeze into a crowd of drunk men and women dancing like idiots para lang maihatid ang isang tray ng alak sa table kung saan ako naka-assign. I could hardly breathe from all the smoke and the smell of alcohol in the club. Looking in the brighter side, dahil marami costumer ibig sabihin marami din akong mauuwing tip mamaya.

I finally found my table, there were four guys sitting there. I gave them a flirty smile as I put there orders on their table. When you act flirty and seductive around male patrons, you get bigger tips. One of them winked at me. I wanted to roll my eyes but stop myself from doing so.

Do it for the tip, Mallory.

“Okay na po ba ang order niyo? May kulang pa po ba?” I asked with a smile plastered on my face.

“Ikaw na lang ang kulang.” Said one of the guys. Then they laughed like immature high school boys, even though not was funny.

“Pwede bang dito ka muna. Makipag-usap ka muna sa amin?” Sabi ng isa pa.

“Sorry, sir. Marami pa akong trabaho.” I politely declined.

“Babayaran ka naman namin. Magkano ka ba?” Sabi naman ng isa pa habang tinitignan ako mula ulo hanggang paa na para bang hinuhubaran na ako.

My smile disappeared. “I’m sorry, mga sir. Drinks lang po ang binebenta dito, hindi ako.”

“Baka naman magbago pa isip mo.” Sabi ng isa at dumukot sa bulsa ng pantalon niya. He took out some thousand peso bills. “Ito? Pwede na ba?” Nagulat ako sa sunod na ginawa niya. He rolled the peso bills and shoved it in my cleavage.

“Bastos ka!” Galit na sabi ko. Kusang tumaas ang kamay ko at dumapo sa pisngi niya. I slapped him hard that it left a mark on his cheek. The other guy’s he was with laughed and started teasing him. Halatang napahiya ang lalaki.

Tiim bagang na tumayo ito mula sa kinauupuan niya. “Ito naman talaga ang trabaho mo dito, hindi ba? Ang magputa? Tignan mo nga itsura mo, sa tingin mo may rerespeto sa’yo, halos ibilad mo na ang kaluluwa mo.”

“Nagtatrabaho ako ng matino dito! Hindi ako bayarang babae!” Sabi ko at parang umakyat ang dugo ko sa ulo sa mga binitawan niyang salita. Kinuha ko ang bilog na tray na pinaglagyan ko ng mga inumin nila at pinalo ko sa kanya iyon. “Bastos ka! Manyak!”

“Sumusobra ka na, papatulan na kita!” Inagaw niya ang tray mula sa akin at inambaan ang ng suntok. I turned my head away before his hand could land on me.

“P’re ang mga babae, hindi sinasaktan.” Sabi ng isang malalim at baritong boses. Napalingon ako at nakita ko si Tisoy na nasa harap ko at hawak ang nakaambang kamay ng lalaki. “Wala ka bang nanay o kapatid na babae?”

“Huwag kang mangialam dito!” Galit na sabi ng lalaki. Sa kanya nabaling ang galit ng lalaki, he guy tried to punch Tisoy pero mabilis siyang nakailag at siya ang sumuntok sa lalaki. The guy’s face dropped to their table.

Napasinghap ako ng biglang dukutin ni Tisoy mula sa pagitan ng mga dibdib ko ang isinukson na pera ng lalaki at isiniksik iyon sa nakaawang na bibig ng lalaking sinuntok niya.

He then took my hand and dragged me out of the club. Walang sabing isinikay niya ako sa kotse niya at nang makasakay siya sa driver’s seat ay ipinaandar niya na iyon. I was still in shock. Hindi ko magawang magsalita kahit gustuhin ko.

“Are you alright? Nasaktan ka ba?” May halong pag-aalala sa boses na tanong niya.

“I-I’m okay.” I said, shaking my head out of the trance.

“Kaya nga ba ayaw kong magtrabaho ka sa lugar na ’yun. That place is full of drunk douchebags. Mababastos ka lang dun.” He said.

“I can take care of myself.” Mariin na sabi ko.

“That’s not how it looked like a moment ago.” He shook his head.

“Ano bang pakialam mo sa buhay ko?” Galit na sigaw ko sa kanya.

“I care about you, Mallory.” Mahinag sabi niya.

There’s these damn tears ago, threatening to spill from my eyes. I looked out the window on my side so he wouldn’t see it.

“You can’t just… You can’t just come back and decide to care about me!”

“I’ve always cared about you. I’ve always…” He paused. There was a sudden silence between us. Not the comfortable one. It was heavy. The kind of silence that breaks your heart, the kind that feels like it’s squeezing your lungs, the kind that suffocates you.

The car stopped in front of a huge gate. He pressed a button in his car and the gate slowly started opening. He drove his car in and my jaw dropped when I saw the house. It was a huge french styled mansion. I had never seen an actual mansion in my whole life until now! It was so beautiful, like a mansion straight out of a hollywood film.

He stopped the car in front of it. Binuksan ng isang lalaking nakaabang na doon ang pinto ko at inilahad ang kamay niya para alalayan ako sa pagbaba ng kotse. I took his hand and he helped me out of the car. When Tisoy got out of his car, he gave the key to the guy and we went in.

The interior was as beautiful as the outside of the house. I tried so hard to contain my excitement when I saw how beautiful it was. Everything were mostly black and white combined with a mix of dark wood. The interior made it obvious that a man was living here.

Naisip ko na kung sakaling may kasama siyang babae sa mansyon na ito, it would have atleast have a touch of something feminine. But there wasn’t a single trace of it. He must be living here alone.

“Are you living with someone? DO you have um… a wife?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking.

Lumingon siya sa akin at kumunot ang noo niya.

“I mean, I don’t want any trouble. I don’t want her to get the wrong the idea…” I fidgeted nervously with my hands.

“I’m still single.” He smiled and his dimples came into clear view.

Chapter Four

Mallory

Maraming nagbago kay Tisoy mula nang matira siya sa amin. He got alot more handsome as he grew older, hindi ko maitatanggi iyon. His foreign blood became even more evident. Hindi na siya ang mapayat at gusgusin na batang nakita namin noon sa labas ng simbahan. His good looks made him the talk of the girls in school and his honey eyes were enough to turn their knees into jelly.

Tama nga si mommy at daddy. Matalino si Tisoy. Nakita naman ng mga teacher na madali siyang matuto and he was very eager to learn so he got accelerated. He caught up until we were finally in the same year at school. There were times he tried to get close to me but I always push him away. Pakiramdam ko kasi simula nang dumating siya sa buhay namin kailangan ko na makipagkumpitensya sa atensyon ng mga magulang ko. I was used to being the only child and I couldn’t accepted that when another kid came, it changed everything.

“Mallory, yung brother mo, oh.” Siniko ako ni Sandy, isa sa mga classmate ko na babae. My head snapped to him. Tisoy was standing in the hallway with Janna, her back was leaning against the wall while he had both arms on either side of her. They were in the same class together at ako naman ay nasa ibang klase. Janna was giggling like an idiot and Tisoy was smiling at her, showing off his overrated dimples.

“Pwede ba, Sandy, he is not my brother!” Inis na sabi ko. I could feel my blood starting to boil. Janna was my sworn enemy. We used to be friends but then I found out she was saying mean things behind my back. We even almost got into a catfight. Dumating lang ang teacher namin noon kaya nga hindi natuloy. Since then we have had bad blood for each other.

“Okay, sige hindi mo na siya brother. Pero I heard they’re dating na. Totoo ba yun?” Tanong ni Janna.

I rolled my eyes. “I don’t know and I don’t care.”

“But you hate Janna!” Sandy frowned. She also had a huge crush on Tisoy, just like every girl in the school.

I made a face. “Yes, I do pero wala akong pakialam sa kanila. Pareho naman sila squatter ang ugali.”

“Hoy, wag ka naman ganyan. Mabait naman si Derek, wag mo siyang idamay.” She defended. “Si Janna na lang ang i-bash natin. Tignan mo! Feelingera talaga yang babaeng yan. Kala niya ang ganda ganda niya, eh mukha naman siyang bakla.”

“I know! Tignan mo nga yung makeup, sobrang kapal. She looks like a drag queen.” I sneered. Sandy and I laughed as we walked to the cafeteria to have our lunch. I acted as if wala lang sa akin iyon but I couldn’t stop thinking about it the whole day. Tisoy and Janna were dating? I felt a pang in my chest just thinking about it.

“Isusumbong kita kay mommy at daddy.” I said seating comfortably in the backseat of the car, when Tisoy opened the door.

“Bakit?” He asked, slipping inside the car.

“You and Janna are dating!” I said, my eyes narrowing at him.

“Kaibigan ko lang si Janna.” Sabi niya.

“Liar! They’re all saying that she’s your girlfriend.” I crossed my arms over my chest and pursed my lips in annoyance.

“And I’m saying she’s not.” Medyo naiinis na din na sabi niya.

“Liar!” I shifted to face him.

“I’m not lying.” Humarap din siya sa akin.

“Liar, liar pants on fire!” I sang. I could see how annoyed it made him and I secretly smiled to myself.

“Hindi ko nga girlfriend si Janna! Hindi siya ang gusto ko.” He leaned closer to me, his voice in a low but firm voice. He was so close to me I could breathe in his scent. We paused, as if time stood still as we looked into each other’s eyes. Thoughts began to spin around my head. Was he going to kiss me? Unti-unting lumapit ang mukha niya sa akin. And I closed my eyes, waiting for his lips to touch mine.

Bumukas ang mga mata ko ng marinig ko ang pagbukas ng pinto sa driver’s side. Tisoy stiffened, sitting up straight. We were quiet the whole drive home. Hindi kami nagpansinan. We didn’t dare talk about what happened in the car kahit nang makauwi na kami.

He almost kissed me. Almost.

I was given a room to sleep in for the night. It had beige walls and tan carpet. The queen sized bed was well made and the linen was of the finest, with large pillows in floral casing. It was so inviting and I just couldn’t turn it down. Ibinagsak ko ang katawan ko sa kama at wala pang ilang minuto ay nakatulog na ako.

I woke up to the sun streaming into the open curtains of the huge window on the right. I felt well-rested and energized. Agad akong tumayo mula sa kama at lumapit sa malaking bintana. The window had a good view of the pool and the garden.

I suddenly felt a pang in my chest. I missed the life we used to have. My mother loved gardening and my dad was a swimmer during his younger days. May pool din kami noon sa bahay at malaking garden. They were just memories now, memories of a distant past, a far gone time. Nang mawala ang mga magulang ko, I never even had time to grieve. I had to survive. Lahat ng ari-arian namin kinuha na ng bangko dahil sa laki ng utang namin. Kailangan kong gumawa ng paraan para mabuhay ako. When my parents died, I found out how cruel the world was.

Napaigti ako ng marinig ang marahang katok sa pinto. I walked to the door and opened it. There stood Derek von Einsiedel in his expensive polo shirt and khaki shorts. My heart skipped a bit when his honey eyes gazed into mine. Ngumiti siya sa akin at parang pati ang mga mata niya ay ngumingiti rin.

“Did I wake you up?” He asked.

I blinked at his deep voice. “N-no…”

“I brought you some clothes.” Itinaas niya ang kamay niya na may hawak na dalawang paperbag mula sa mamahaling boutique.

“Thank you.” I croacked out as I took the paperbags from him.

He gave me a wide smile, his dimples turning my knees into jelly.

“Why don’t you take a bath and wear those clothes? It’ll look good on you.” Sabi niya bago nagbaba ng tingin sa suot kong damit. I was still wearing the playboy bunny uniform my job required me to wear. Sandaling tumigil ang mga mata niya sa ibabaw ng dibdib ko. I saw him swallow, his adam’s apple bobbed up and down his throat. Seeing his reaction made my heart race, in a good way. He gazed back up my face, shame evident on his face as his face flushed.

“Bumaba ka na lang pagkatapos mong magbihis.” He said before hurriedly turning his back to me and walking away.

Isinara ko ang pinto at parang nawalan ng lakas na sumandal doon. I struggled to pull myself together. This was stupid. I wasn’t suppose to feel this way. I wasn’t that dumb teenage Mallory I used to be.

I marched to my bathroom and soaked myself in the tub, trying to get him out of my mind. I focused on the warm water against my skin and the scent of potpourri that filled the whole room. He should affect me this way anymore. He shouldn’t matter anymore. But somehow, deep in my heart, I knew he still does. And I hated it.

Pagkatapos kong magbabad sa tub, sinuot ko na ang damit na ibinigay sa akin ni Tisoy. It was a casual and simple floral dress but still, it looked very class. Whoever picked it had a great taste. I couldn’t remember the last time I wore a fancy dress like this. Nang makapag-ayos na ako, lumabas ako ng kwarto at bumaba. Nakita ko si Tisoy na nakaupo sa living room at nagbabasa ng libro. He closed his book and looked up at me as I walked down the stairs.

“You look beautiful.” Sabi niya habang hindi pa rin hinihiwalay ang tingin sa akin.

I felt a fluttering feeling in my stomach at what he said. Tumayo siya mula sa kinauupuan niya at lumapit sa dulo ng hagdan para salubungin ako. He held out his arm to me as I took one last step. I hesitantly took his arm.

He guided me out of the house and to one of his many cars that was parked inside his garage. Isang simpleng itim na BMW ang pinili niya. He opened the door to the passenger’s seat at pinaupo niya ako doon bago siya pumasok sa driver’s seat.

I didn’t ask where we were going. In fact, I didn’t say anything. He just started the car and the miles flew by.

“Kamusta ka na?” He asked as he drove.

Kibit-balikat lang ang isinagot ko sa kanya. My life had been miserable since my parents passed away. I was left to fend for myself, to survive. All my life I had been sheltered by them. Tapos biglang mawawala sila. I was like a zoo lion kept captive since birth before they decided to let out of my cage and into the wild. The world was like a jungle full of predators, you had to struggle to survive against all odds. “I’m going through some hard times but I’ll be fine.”

“I’m sorry.” May lungkot sa boses niya.

“Ganun talaga eh.” I said, trying not let my emotions get to me.

“It’s rough, isn’t it?”

I could only nod as I tried to hold my tears in. Surely after over a year I thought things would get better but it didn’t. It wasn’t that simple. I hadn’t only lost my parents, I also lost the life I had been used to. Missing them was always there, like an open wound that wouldn’t heal.

“They were wonderful people, your parents.” He smiled nostalgically but there was sadness in his eyes. He took in a deep breath as if to steady himself.

My eyes averted ahead and saw that he was driving towards a huge white gate. It suddenly dawned me where we were heading. Sa sementeryo. My head turned to him.

“What are we doing here?” Tanong ko sa kanya.

“We’re going to visit them.” Sagot niya. Ipinasok niya ang kotse niya sa loob ng sementeryo. Huminto kami sa tabi ng puntod ng mga magulang ko. I just sat there, unable to move. It was like another cut to the wound. Mula ng ilibing sila hindi ko pa sila nadadalaw. It was hard. Mahirap makita ang pangalan ng mga magulang mo na nakaukit sa lapida.

Tisoy got out of the car at pinuksan niya ang pinto sa side ko. He held out his hand to me… Nanginginig ang mga kamay ko na inabot iyon. He carefully pulled me out of the car and we walked the lush and grassy field to my parents’ grave. My chest felt heavy, like something wanted toburst out of it as I looked at their graves.

Naramdaman ko na lang ang bisig ni Tisoy na pumulupot sa likod ng baywang ko. And then I felt like everything started to weigh on me. I was flooded with the feelings I had been surpressing, the feelings I had been running from. I looked at Tisoy, his eyes were misty with tears too. Anger rushed throughout my body.

“You were never there!” Tinulak ko siya mula sa akin at galit na tinitigan. “You weren’t there when I needed you, when we needed you.”

“I was there, Mallory.” Mahinang sabi niya.

“Liar!” Hot angry tears fell from my eyes. “You’re a liar!”

Sunod-sunod na umiling si Tisoy. He cupped my face. I tried to pry his hand away but his hands were firm and strong. “Mal, nagkita pa kami ni tito bago siya mawala. I was there…”

“No, you weren’t. Palagi ka na lang nagsisinungaling.” Humihikbing sabi ko. I felt him kiss me on the forehead. Nagtaas ang tingin ko sa kanya. Nangingilid ang mga luha sa mata niya.

“I’m not lying.” He said. Bumaba ang mukha niya sa akin. Our faces were only inches apart. I could feel his breath against my lips. Tumaas ang dalawang palad ko sa ibabaw ng dibdib niya at itinulak ko siyang palayo sa akin.

“Don’t!” Mariin na sabi ko.

This was what I hated the most… the almost. When someone makes you feel like you are there entire universe and then suddenly decides to walk away. Almost there. Almost loved. Almost something more.

Chapter Five

Tisoy had his first real girlfriend when he was seventeen. It was not Janna. Her name was Melissa. To say the girl was pretty was an understatement. She was gorgeous, commercial model gorgeous. At first, naririnig ko lang ang tungkol sa kanila. I thought it was one of those rumors. But then everything was confirmed when he decided to take Melissa to our house and introduce her to my parents. I hated him more because of that. He took his girlfriend to our house and we all had dinner together. The guts of that guy!

Gusto ni mommy at daddy si Melissa para kay Tisoy. She was in college and Tisoy was still in highschool. Pareho lang sila ng edad pero dahil nga nakapag-aral noon nasa highschool pa rin siya. Janna was a dean’s lister, a varsity volleyball player, she plays the piano, she plays the guitar, and she was the best in everything you could think of. She was literally Miss Perfect and I hated her. She tried to be friendly with me but I made it clear that I didn’t like her and we would never be friends.

I clearly remember this one incident like it was just yesterday, Mom and Dad were out and Melissa came over. Melissa was always welcome in our home. I couldn’t stand being around that woman. Kinakausap niya ako kahit obvious naman na ayaw ko siyang kausapin. I left them in the living room and went up to my room. I read for a bit. Hindi din ako mapakali sa binabasa ko. It bothered me na silang dalawa lang ang magkasama ngayon.

I decided to shut my book and go downstairs. Wala na sila sa living room ng bumaba ako. I went to the pool but they weren’t there either. Just as I was about to go inside, I heard soft whispers coming from the toolshed.

Blood raised to my head as my heart rate increased. I marched towards the tool shed and pulled it open. Melissa was undernearth Tisoy with only her bras and shorts on. They pulled away the moment the door opened. Tisoy turned his head to me, his eyes widened in shock. It was as if time had frozen. Para akong napako sa kinatatayuan ko at hindi din sila nakagalaw agad. He opened his mouth but no words came out so he closed it again.

“Ang babastos niyo!” I managed to scream. Tumalikod na ako at nagmamadaling lumabas doon.

“Mallory!” I heard him call my name but I ignored him.

With big steps, I was half running and half walking. He ran after me and quickly caught up with me. His fingers wrapped around my arm and he turned me around so I was facing him. I gave him a searing glare when our eyes met.

“You are disgusting! Dito mo pa ginagawa yang mga kababuyan niyo! Mom and Dad will know of this!” I angrily said.

“Mal, I’m so sorry. Hindo ko sinasadyang makita mo ’yon.”

“Bitawan mo ako!” I said, struggling to get out of his grip.

“I’m so sorry.” He said with regret written all over his face.

Before I could think of what I was doing, my hand raised and landed on his face. He let go of me and held his cheek as his eyes lowered to the ground. Gulat na tinitigan ko ang kamay an sumampal sa kanya bago ako muling tumingin sa kanya.

“I…” My mind went blank. I was shock at what I did but i quickly composed myself as best as I could. I ignored my shock and focused on my anger. “I HATE YOU, YOU PIG!”

“Derek…” I saw Melissa walking towards us. Huminto siya sa tabi ni Tisoy at ipinulupot ang magkabilang kamay sa braso nito.

That was when I turned away and ran inside. For some unknown reason, tears began to spill from my eyes and I could help it. My heart ached with a searing pain that refused to go away.

It was a pain I’d never felt before.

I went to my room, threw my body on the bed and cried. It hurt. I didn’t understand what I was feeling, all I knew was that I was hurting. So bad.

My eyes fluttered open. Nasa isang magandang kwarto ako at kumportableng kama. It was so comfy I didn’t want to leave the bed. I wanted to stay in this room all day. I could hardly remember the last time I’d slept in an air conditioned room with a comfortable bed. Simula nang mawala ang mga magulang ko kasabay nun nawala ang buhay na nakasananayan ko. I lost everything.

I lost my comfortable life and had to fend for myself. It was scare. One day you’re living a perfect life and then the next, you get thrown into the real world without any practice or tutorial to help you.

I tried to brush the thought away before I could throw myself a pity party. Hindi dapat ako nandito. I should be going home. I should be getting back to the real world. This wasn’t where I belong anymore. I was no longer a princess. Baka kapag tumagal pa ako dito, mahirapan na akong makaalis dito.

I got out of bed and went to the bathroom to take a quick shower. I wore the new set of clothes Derek had brought me yesterday morning. It was a white skirt that ended mid-thighs and a chiffon black blouse. He really knew my taste.

Hindi ko maiwasan isipin kung siya pa din ba ang Tisoy na kilala ko ngayon. Marami nang taon ang lumipas, marami nang nagbago. But still, I couldn’t help but think if there was still a little bit of Tisoy in him.

Derek cared for me. That was what he said. Pero siguro gusto niya lang bayarin ang utang na loob niya sa mga magulang ko. O kaya naaawa lang siya sa akin.

My jaw clenced at that thought. I didn’t need his pity. I didn’t want it and I wasn’t going to take it.

I packed up my things and put it in the paperbag. I decided I was going to leave today. I’d be fine all by myself. Who did he think he is, coming into my life like this? Did he think I was a damsel in distress who needed a knight in shining armor to save me?

Well, he was wrong. I was no damsel and I was definetly not distressed.

I quietly exited the room.

“Magandang araw, ma’am Mallory.” One of his maid greeted me as I closed the door to the room I had used for the past two nights behind me.

“Good morning.” I gave her a slight smile.

“Kanina ka pa hinihintay ni sir Derek. Pinapapuntahan ka na nga ni sir sa kwarto, kakatukin na sana kita pero lumabas ka na.”

“Bakit naman niya ako pinapupuntahan?”

“Eh gusto ka daw niyang makasabay mag-almusal.”

“Hindi ako nag-aalmusal.” I answered in an even tone. “Isa pa, paalis na din ako.”

“Saan ka pupunta?” A deep voice asked. Pumihit ang ulo ko sa direksyon kung saan nanggaling ang boses na iyon. Derek climbed up to the last step of the stair and walked towards to where I was standing.

Our gaze met. His eyes were unreadable but still intense as it looked into mine.

Ako ang unang nagbaba ng tingin sa amin dalawa. “Uuwi na ako.”

He dismissed the maid. The atmosphere grew thicker when we were left together in the hallway. I kept my eyes on the ground, avoiding looking into his.

“No, you’re staying here.” He firmly said.

My head snapped up. My eyes narrowed at him. “Sino ka para sabihin na magstay ako. Aalis ako kung kailan ko gusto.”

His face remained stoic as he looked at me. “Hindi. Ka. Aalis.” He slowly, carefully and firmly said each word.

He took one step towards me and I had to step back. I felt smothered being this close to him. He took another step and I took another step back. I couldn’t take it, being near him. Being able to take in his scent. Being near the warmth of his body. I felt intimidated by his towering height and musculine presence.

“What? You’re going to go back to that dumpster apartment of yours? You’re going to go back to that club and serve horny drunk guys in a skimpy uniform?” He said in a low growl. “Gusto mo bang mabastos ka na naman?”

“What do you care?” I tried to keep my voice strong but it shook at the last word. “Bakit ba pinakikialaman mo ang buhay ko?”

“Because I want to make sure you’re safe.” He took another step and I stepped back until I felt my back against the door behind me. Umangat ang isang kamay niya para haplusin ang pisngi ko. I involuntarily took a sharp breath in.

“Get away from me!” Both my hands pressed against his chest and I pushed him away. Nakakailang hakbang pa lang ako palayo sa kanya ng hawakan niya ako sa braso at isinandal pabalik sa dingding.

“You bastard, let me go!” I spat.

His face lowered and stopped a few centimeters away from mine. I was forced to look at his honey eyes. My legs trembled, I felt like it would give in anytime soon.


“If I have to keep you locked inside this house, I would. Trust me.” Mababa pero malalim ang boses na sabi niya. I could feel the warmth of his breath on my face as he spoke. His breath smelled of mint and coffee. It sent instant shivers down my spine.

“Let me go.” My voice came out as a whisper.

“No, I won’t let you go… not anymore…” I sensed a tinge of sorrow in his voice.

There were no words spoken after that. As I was looking at him, I felt like time had stood still. He sighed, bringing me back from the trance state. I felt his hand loosening around my arm and he stepped away from me.

“Mag-usap tayo, Mallory. I can’t let you go back to that kind of life.” He said, his voice now formal. “I’m going to give you a job. You’re going to work for me.”

“You’ll work for me as my personal secretary.” He explained as he swirled a glass of what looked like an alcohol in his hand. He took me to his study to talk to me. We were surrounded by shelves and shelves of books. Sa gitna ng kwarto nandoon ang desk niya na gawa sa mahogany wood. In front of his desk was two wooden dark brown leathered armchair. His study was a mixture of indulgent comfort and high end business. “Bibigyan kita ng sarili mong condo unit na pwede mong gamitin habang nagtatrabaho ka sa akin. But don’t worry you’ll still get paid while you work for me.”

“Is this one of your charity works?” I let out a sarcastic sneer. “I bet your enjoying every minute of this huh? Ipinamumukha mo sa akin na mas mataas ka na ngayon kaysa sa akin…”

“Mallory, alam mong hindi yan ang iniisip ko.” Mariin na sabi niya. “Yan ang problema sa’yo! You always think I’m competing with you. I never competed with you and I never will. I’ve always…” He sighed, his eyes lowering. “I’ve always put you up on a pedestal.”

My throat felt like it was constricting.

“I can’t accept your offer.” I shook my head. “Uuwi na lang ako.”

His eyes snapped back up. “Please, Mal, let go of your pride and be practical.” Hinawakan niya ang kamay kong nakapatong sa ibabaw ng desk. “Believe it or not, I only wish the best for you. I want you to have a good life. Hindi ako nandito sa harap mo ngayon para ipamukha sa’yo kung ano ang meron ako.”

His words sounded so sincere at his hand was warm as it squeezed mine. I felt like melting into a puddle at the sincerity and softness of his words.

“I just want you to get back on your feet. Kapag nakaipon ka na ng sapat na pera, kapag kaya mo nang mag-isa, pakakawalan na kita. Titigilan na kita. Kung gusto mo hindi na ulit ako magpapakita sa’yo.”

I swallowed as I felt the lump on my throat. I won’t have to see him again? We wouldn’t see each other ever again… that was suppose to be a good thing right? But what caused this heaviness in my chest? Maybe I could save up for a plane ticket. I’d always wanted to live in another country and pursue my art career. I wanted to go far away from here. I had nothing to live for here anymore.

“Pumapayag na ako.” I exhaled after a few minutes of silence.

His face lit up. “Really?”

Tumango ako. A wide smile spread across his lips.

He took me to his office right away to give me a brief orriention. My job was to answer his calls, check his emails, ocassionaly answer it for him, and book him reservations. It was better than working at a club. At least now I didn’t have to deal with drunk customers and put up with them for bigger tips.

And all these only cost me my pride.

I was working for Derek now, ang gusgusing batang pinulot nina mommy at daddy sa labas ng simbahan. Now the table has turned. Pakiramdam ko ako na ang gusgusing batang pinulot ni Derek. I felt small and embarrassed.

“If you need anything from me or you need to tell me something, you can use the intercom.” He said, pointing at the square thing sitting on the corner of the desk.

I just nodded my head.

“I swear, I won’t give you a hard time.” He joked, trying to lighten up the mood.

My lips didn’t break a single smile.

Sumeryoso ang mukha ni Derek. “My intentions are good, Mallory. I won’t do anything to hurt you. You can just trust me, open up a little.”

My face remained stoic.

Hinilot niya ang sentido niya at napabuntong-hininga. He opened his mouth and was about to say something when a woman, popped out behind me. Tinakpan nito ang mga mata niya.

“Hulaan mo kung sino ako.” Malambing ang boses na sabi ng babae.

“Ellen.” He confidently answered.

The woman took her hand off from his eyes and he spun to face her. Sinalubong siya ng babae ng yakap.

“What are you doing here?” Derek asked, smiling.

“Wala lang. Masama bang magpunta dito?” She giggled.

I felt something in my chest, a tightening of sorts as I watch them. I chewed on my lower lip and had to look away. No, I wasn’t supposed to feel this way.

“Hey, I want you to meet my secretary, Mallory.” He said, putting his arm around the back of her waist. Napilitan akong tumingin pabalik sa kanila. I gave the woman a small smile, just because I didn’t wnat to be rude.

“Hi, Mallory. My name’s Ellen.” She held her hand out to me.

I was forced to shake her hand. Ellen was beautiful. She had this vibrant charm that matched her personality.

I took in a breath as I felt my chest grew heavier. I remember the first time I felt this feeling. It was when I caught him with Melissa making out in the toolshed. It was when I cried myself to sleep that night.

Sometimes it’s not the butterflies that tell you you’re in love but the pain.

Chapter Six

I was  a sophomore in college when I had my first boyfriend. His names was Danilo, a popular basketball player in our school. He had an infamous reputation of being a badboy. Hindi ako nakinig sa mga sabi-sabi nila. To tell the truth, I didn’t really have any feelings for him. I was a teenager and a lot of girls were all over him. Tapos nagkataon na ako yung nagustuhan niya. I said yes to him just for the sake of having my first boyfriend. Like any other hopeless romantic girl my age I had this hopeless romantic idea of changing a bad boy into a good boy.

He courted me for a month before I started going out with him. Danilo was popular so it wasn’t a surprise when gossips about us spread like wildfire in the campus when we started dating.

“Hey, babe.” Danilo wrapped his arms around my waist when I came up to him after his basketball practice.

“You were so good.” I said, smiling.

“Syempre, kailangan kong galingan. Ayaw ko naman mapahiya sa’yo.” Sabi niya. “How was your day?”

“Okay naman.” Sagot ko.

“Are you free tonight? My friend’s having a party. Gusto sana kitang isama.” Sabi nito.

Sandali akong natigilan. I could call Mom and Dad up and tell them na hindi ako makakasabay kay Tisoy umuwi. Idadahilan ko na lang na may project akong kailangan tapusin.

“No, she’s not free tonight.” I heard someone say.

Parehong pumihit ang ulo namin sa direksyon kung saan nanggaling ang boses na iyon. Tisoy was standing a few feet steps away from us. His face was hard and grim with what looked like a controlled anger.

“Mallory, umuwi na tayo.” Matigas ang tonong sabi niya. He had never used that tone of voice on me before.

“I have other plans for tonight.” I said with my chin held high. “Umuwi ka mag-isa mo.”

“I’m not going to go home without you.” He firmly said.

“Sino ba ’yan?” Danilo asked.

“He’s nobody.” I said as I looked directly into Tisoy’s eyes. “Ampon lang siya ni mommy at daddy. Don’t mind him.”

His honey brown eyes narrowed at me. “Uuwi kang kasama ko.” He took big, fast step to where we were standing and he grabbed me by the wrist.

“Tisoy, ano ba?” I said as I tried to pry my hand away from his grip.

“Hey, get your hand off my girl.” Asik ni Danilo habang hawak ang isang kamay ko.

“You get your hand off of her.” Tisoy said in a very pissed off tone.

“Nakakalalaki ka na ah. Eh ampon ka lang naman pala ng mga magulang ni Mallory. Ano, pare? Gusto mo ba ng gulo, bibigyan kita. Suntukan na lang ha?” Danilo dropped my hand and charged at Tisoy.

Danilo was tall as well, they were almost the same height. Even though Danilo was slightly taller than Tisoy, about an inch or so, he tiptoed to try to look more intimidating.

“Ano ha?” Danilo looked at Tisoy with sharp eyes, almost bumping his body against him. “Tara. Magsuntukan na lang tayo. Ipakita mo sakin tapang mo.”

“Ano ba, Danilo? Tumigil ka nga!” Awat ko sa kanya.

“Hindi yata ako kilala nitong ampon niyo. Magpapakilala lang ako.” He smirked at me before his gaze went back to Tisoy.

The moment he looked back at him, Tisoy’s fist landed on his jaw and he dropped to the ground like a paper.

“Tisoy!” I shrieked in surprise when I saw Danilo lying on the floor.

Walang sabi-sabing hinatak ako ni Tisoy palabas ng gym. He dragged me to the parking lot and shoved me inside the car. Binigay ni Dad ang lumang kotse niya sa amin. Mom and Dad said it was for both of us. Since I was only seventeen and didn’t know how to drive, Tisoy was the one who drives for me. Umikot siya sa driver’s side at pumasok sa loob ng kotse.

“Why did you do that to Danilo?” I asked in a stern voice.

“Totoo ba ang balitang boyfriend mo na ba siya?” He said in an icy tone.

“Ano bang pakialam mo?”

“Boyfriend mo na ba siya?” Mariin na tanong niya.

“Oo, boyfriend ko na siya!” I shouted angrily. “Ano naman sa’yo?”

“I’m telling tita and tito.” He said.

“Bakit ba nangingialam ka sa buhay ko? Pinakialaman ko ba kayo ni Melissa? Nagsumbong ba ako kay mommy at daddy noong nakita ko yung kababuyang ginawa niyo sa mismong pamamahay namin?”

“He’s not good for you.” He sighed, his body limping against his seat. “Alam nang lahat ng tao ang reputasyon niya.”

“Hindi ako naniniwala sa mga sinasabi nila. Kilala ko si Danilo!”

“How long have you known him? How long have you been together?” He said in a low growl.

“Long enough to know the real him.” I lied. We’d been dating for only a week now. I didn’t know much about him and I never bothered knowing anything about him. Maybe it was because I wasn’t really into him. Siguro kaya ko nga lang sinagot si Danilo dahil kay Tisoy. I thought maybe pwede kong ibaling na lang kay Danilo ang kung anumang nararamdaman kong ito para kay Tisoy.

“Alam mo bang may anak na si Danilo. He has two children from two different mothers at kahit isa sa mga nanay ng mga anak niya, wala siyang pinanagutan.” Tisoy said through gritted teeth. “Gusto mo bang mapabilang sa mga babaeng iyon?”

I was surprised at what I had found out. I never knew about it but I couldn’t admit that, not in front of Tisoy. Tinakpan ko ang pagkagulat ko.

“Those were all lies.” I said. “Mahal ako ni Danilo.”

“At naniwala ka naman? Sigurado akong iyon din ang sinabi niya sa dalawang nanay ng mga anak niya. Had he touched you, Mallory?” Matalim ang boses na tanong niya.

I took in a sharp breath. “A-ano bang klaseng tanong yan? Wala kang pakialam sa buhay ko!”

“Nagpagalaw ka na ba sa kanya?” Now he was staring directly into my eyes. His eyes were sharp with a fury reflected in his biting tone.

Danilo hadn’t even kissed me on the lips. He tried a few times pero palagi akong umiiwas. I just wasn’t comfortable with it, I wasn’t ready.

“Bastos!” I spat.

“Sagutin mo ako, Mal. Did you let him touch you?” He drew his face nearer to mine.

As much as I wanted to move my face away, I couldn’t. The smell of his breath was intoxicating. My heart slammed against my ribcage like it was trying to escape from my chest. I felt a mixture of excitement, fear and anticipation having him this near me.

He pinched my chin in between his fingers and drew his face closer.

“No…” My voice came out as a squeak.

“Good.” I felt his breath against my lips. “Don’t ever let him touch you.”

I felt his lips grazed against mine. I closed my eyes and I saw fireworks going off. His kiss brought alive sensations I had never felt before, making me yearn for more. Electricity ran from my lips throughout my whole body. Naramdaman ko ang bahagyang paggalaw ng mga labi niya at sinubukan kong gayahin iyon.

Doon huminto si Tisoy at inilayo ang mga labi niya sa akin. I let out a soft moan of protest when he pulled away. Marahas na ibinagsak ni Tisoy ang katawan sa kinauupuan niya at napamura.

“I shouldn’t have done that!” May halong galit sa tono ng boses niya.

Agad napalitan ang nararamdaman ko ng sakit. I turned my head away from him, pretending to look out of the side window of the car. My eyes became watery, my chest ached painfully.

He regretted kissing me.

I didn’t. He was my first kiss. Kung gagawin niya ulit iyon hindi ko siya pipigilan. I had always had a strange feeling for him. Natatakot ako sa nararamdaman ko para sa kanya kaya itinatago ko iyon sa likod ng galit.

Even if he didn’t feel the same way, that kiss meant something to me. He meant something to me. 

Just as he promised, he gave me my own condo unit. It was in a high end condominium building. Sinabi ko nga sa kanya na hindi ko naman kailangan ng ganito kagarbong tirahan. I just wanted a decent place I could live in while I work for him.

The unit had one bedroom, a kitchen, a dining room, and a living room. The house was already fully furnished. Everything looked expensive and luxurious but it lacked a personal touch. Gumana ang creativity ko. I thought of things I could add to my new home. I could see my drawings hanging on the walls of this unit. I could see myself sitting by the window and sketching some drawings.

“Do you like the place?” Derek asked.

“Yeah.” I nodded my head as my eyes wandered around the room.

His hands were tucked inside his pocket as he casually leaned his back against the wall. “I knew you would. I just added some furnitures I thought you need but you may decorate the place as you wish.”

“Thank you.” I quietly said. “Pero hindi naman ako magtatagal dito.”

The smile on his face disappeared. Something flashed across his eyes but before I could make out what it was, his smile reappeared again.

“Let me get us a glass of wine.” He disappeared into the kitchen and went back after a minute or two with two glasses of wine in his hands.

He handed one to me.

“Cheers.” He lifted his glass up. I did the same.

We sat on the couch and quietly drank our wine.

“What are you planning to do when you save up enough money?” He suddenly asked, breaking the silence.

I shrugged my shoulders. “I’m going to get away from here.”

“Where are you planning to go then?”

“Anywhere. Gusto ko lang naman na magsimula ulit. Life here has been tough for me since mom and dad passed away.”

“I’m sorry, Mal.” His voice was low. “I wasn’t there for you when you needed someone.”

Nagbaba ako ng tingin sa hawak kong baso. I diverted my attention to the wine in my hand, swirling it around the glass. I didn’t want to look at him in the eyes. I didn’t want to see the hurt in them.

“Nang malaman kong wala na sa ospital si tito, hindi ko na alam kung saan kayo hahanapin. I tried to go back to the house we used to live in but you weren’t there anymore. I hired an investigator. Doon ko nalaman na wala na sina tito at tita pero hindi ko alam kung nasaan ka. Nang malaman ko kung saan ka matutunton, you were already working in that club.” He sighed as if a large weight was crushing his chest. “I’m sorry, Mallory. I should’ve been there for you.”

“Forget about it.” I shook my head. “Wala na naman saysay kung pag-uusapan natin ang mga bagay na nangyari na.”

“Gusto ko lang malaman mo dahil ayaw kong isipin mo na kinalimutan na kita, kayo. I never forgot about you and your parents. Hindi ko makakalimutan ang ginawa ni tito at tita sa akin. They treated me as their own. You and your family gave me the best life I could have ever had.”

Nanatili among tahimik. I quietly sipped some wine from the glass.

“Mal…” He all of a sudden took my chin in between his two fingers and forced my head up so I could look at him. “I don’t want you to ever think na pinabayaan kita.”

“But you did, didn’t you?” I tried to keep my voice steady.

“Umalis ako para sa kapakanan mo… para sa’yo…”

“Bullshit.” I said under my breath.

“Please, Mallory, believe me.” His eyes were begging, they were desperate.

Nagbaba ako ng tingin. I didn’t expect the next thing he did. I felt his warm, soft lips touched my lips. Napasinghap ako sa gulat sa ginawa niya. I was tensed at first but after awhile I softened into the kiss. I closed my eyes and just felt. I felt everything. His soft lips, his warm breath, the way his lips moved against mine, the way I responded to it.

Suddenly the image of the woman he introduced to me in his office, Ellen, came into my mind. No, I couldn’t let this happen. He was already with someone. Hindi ako papayag na maging isa sa mga babae niya.

I put my hands on his chest to push him away. We both pulled away from the kiss. His body limped against the couch as if he’d ran out of energy. He massaged his temple. There was silence. A uncomfortably deafening silence between us.

“I think you should go home. Gabi na.” Binasag ko ang katahimikan sa pagitan namin.

“I’m sorry, Mal.” He said.

“Just go.” Matigas na sabi ko.

He got up from his seat and headed towards the front door. I watched him leave. Ilang minuto akong nakatitig sa pinto kung saan siya lumabas.

I felt empty inside as I stared at the door where he had left. I’d always felt like that. Empty and cold. I’d always wonder if I would ever feel warm again. I did feel warmth when he was kissing me. Like fireworks going off in my head. The same feeling I felt the first time he kissed me.

I touched my tingling lips and closed my eyes.

He would always mean something to me.

Chapter Seven

“Wala na po kami ni Melissa.” Sabi ni Tisoy. We were having dinner when he broke the news to us. Mom and Dad were asking why they don’t see Melissa anymore. They’d been dating for almost two years. Hindi naman madalas pero every now and then dinadala niya si Melissa dito. Gustong-gusto siya nang mommy at daddy para kay Tisoy. I never liked her. Lalo na noong nahuli ko sila sa toolshed. I never hid my dislike for her. Kapag pumupunta siya dito, tinatarayan ko siya.

My heart felt like it skipped a beat, or maybe ten beats, and the food I just swallowed caught in my throat. Napaubo ako. I reached for my glass and drank from it.

“Okay ka lang?” Dad worriedly asked.

“Y-yeah.” I answered as I was putting my glass down.

“Bakit kayo naghiwalay?” Mom asked him.

“It just wasn’t working out.” He said and then he gazed at me. “Hindi lang siguro kami para sa isa’t isa.”

“Kailan pa nangyari yan?” Si daddy naman ang nagtanong.

“About two weeks ago po.” He answered.

Two weeks ago. Dalawang linggo na ang nakakaraan ng hinalikan niya ako. Was I the reason why they broke up? Was it because of the kiss?

Why was my heart somersaulting inside my chest?

I felt… elated. And at the same time, I felt bad about being happy about their breakup. Was I bad for feeling this way?

Nagtama ang tingin namin ni Tisoy. I held his gaze and the moment was almost too intimate to maintain, but I held his gaze. It was like we both knew something no one else knew. My eyes lowered to his lips. I could feel the tension between us growing. All I could think about was his lips and how soft it felt when it grazed mine.

We hadn’t spoken since that kiss. Kahit magkasabay kaming umuwi mula sa school, hindi kami nag-uusap. I guess we were both afraid one of us will bring it up. We were both scared to talk about it. I was scared about my feelings for him. Natatakot ako na baka masabi ko sa kanya ang totoo.

“Danilo… Danilo…” I pushed my way through the crowd of women around him. May laro sina Danilo ngayon kalaban ang basketball team ng ibang school. All the girls wanted to take pictures with him. Ngayon lang ulit kami nagkita at sa mismong game pa niya. Naging abala kasi si Danilo sa basketball practice niya kaya hindi kami ganon kadalas magkita. Pinaghandaan niya talaga itong game na ito.

“Baby.” He said with a wide smile when he saw me. “I missed you.”

“We need to talk.” I said.

“What?” He shouted over the screaming crowd.

“I said we need to talk.” I had to raise my voice.

“After the game.” He smiled. His arms locked around my waist and he gave me a kiss on the cheek. “Wish me luck, babe.” He winked at me before letting me go.

I had to sit on the bleacher and watch him play. Hinintay kong matapos ang laro nila. I didn’t want to distract him from his game. Matagal niya itong pinaghandaan. Nanalo ang team nila Danilo sa basketball game.

Pagkatapos ng laro nila masayang tumakbo siya papunta sa akin. He wrapped his arms around me, lifted me from the ground and spun me around.

“We won, baby.” Tuwang-tuwang sabi niya.

“Ano ba, Danilo? Put me down.” I said.

Ibinaba niya ako at ikinulong ang mukha ko sa mga palad niya.

“Kailangan natin mag—”

“We’re going to have a victory party after this.” He said. “I want to celebrate with you.”

“But Danilo, I have something—”

“Sasama ka sa amin, babe. Come on, we haven’t seen each other for a long time. Ngayon na nga lang ulit tayo nagkita dahil sa basketball practice namin.” He sighed and I felt him squeeze my hips.

Dahil sa pamimilit niya, hindi na ako naka hindi. I saw how happy he was today and I didn’t want to ruin it. I got into his car and went to his friend’s house.

Nasaan ka? Kanina pa kita hinihintay.

That was the first message I saw when I opened my phone as Danilo’s car pulled up in front of his friend’s house.

Nagdalawang-isip ako kung sasagutin ko ang text niya. I looked at it for a few moment. Should I reply to Tisoy’s text or not?

“Let’s go.” Aya ni Danilo sa akin bago siya bumaba ng kotse.

I followed my gut instinct and replied to his text message. Sinabi ko na sumama ako kay Danilo sa victory party.

Danilo opened the door to my side and held out his hand. I took it and slipped out of his car. Sa labas pa lang ng bahay rinig na namin ang malakas na tugtog sa loob. We step inside the house and there were already a lot of people in there. Sabi sa akin ni Danilo nagsisimula pa lang ang party. There were going to be a lot of people in the party.

He got me a cup of punch. Dinala niya ako sa mga taong nagsasayawan sa may bandang living room. He took my arms and wrapped it around his shoulders and he encircled his around my waist.

“What was it you wanted to tell me again?” He asked while we danced.

He just looked so happy today. Ayaw kong sirain ang araw niya. I chewed on my lower lip and my eyes dropped to my feet. I didn’t want to break up with him at a party. It just wasn’t right.

“Hindi ito ang tamang lugar.” I said.

“Huh?” His face crumpled. We couldn’t hear each other clearly as the loud music drowned our voices.

“Hindi ito ang tamang lugar para pag-usapan iyon!” Nilakasan ko ang boses ko.

“Then let’s go somewhere quiet.” We stopped dancing. He took my hand and dragged me out of the dancing crowd. He took me up the stairs.

“Teka, saan tayo pupunta?” Tanong ko habang naglalakad kami sa hallway.

“You said you wanted to talk.” He said, opening the door at the end of the hallway. Hinatak niya ako papasok sa bathroom at isinara ang pinto.

He made me sit on the closed lit of the toilet while he leaned against the door. He casually crossed his arms.

“Ano bang sasabihin mo sa akin?” He asked.

“Danilo.” I took in a deep breath and let out a sigh. “I… I don’t think I’m ready to have a boyfriend.”

“Are you breaking up with me?” His smile disappeared and was quickly replaced by a scowl.

“I’m sorry, Dan.”

“Tangina naman!” Galit na sabi niya. I stiffened in surprise when he punched his fist to the wall. “Bakit? Ano bang problema? May nagawa ba ako? Pinalampas ko na nga ang ginawa ng gagong Derek na iyon para sa’yo. Ginagago mo lang pala ako, Mallory.”

“No… no! Hindi kita ginagago. Siguro nabigla lang ako nang sagutin kita. I just don’t think I’m ready for this.”

“Ganon na lang yon?” He sneered sarcastically. “Kapag ayaw mo, ayaw mo na?”

“I’m so sorry.” My voice squeeked.

“Nak ng punta naman o! Sinayang mo lang pala oras ko, ni hindi pa kita natitikman.”

Napasinghap ako sa gulat sa sinabi niya. He looked at me from head to toe, there was malice in his eyes as he looked at me. I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck standing. He was looking at me as if he wanted to devour me.

Bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko sa takot. I stood up, I wanted to leave but he was blocking the door. “Lalabas na ako.”

“No, let’s stay here for awhile.” He smiled, a devious smile.

“Gusto ko ng lumabas. Naiinitan na ako dito.” Dahilan ko.

He shook his head, keeping that creepy smile intact on his face. I tried to push him out of the door but I couldn’t. Danilo was a big man, he was a six footer. Pitikin niya lang ako tatalsik na ako.

I felt like the walls in the bathroom we were in were closing on me. I felt claustrophobic being with him in this tiny room. My chest was pounding painfully. Halos hindi ako makahinga. I had never felt this scared my whole life.

I screamed when he effortlessly pinned me against the wall.

“Danilo! Pakawalan mo ako!” I shouted. His eyes were sharp as a dagger. It sent chills down my spine. I knew I was in trouble. I wanted to get out of here. I was having a panic attack. Naramdaman kong nanginginig ang buong katawan ko.

He buried his face in my neck and began to kiss me there, I could feel him sucking my sensitive flesh. I tried to push him away but it was no use. Nagpapagod lang ako. He hadn’t even budge an inch away.

“Danilo! Pakawalan mo ako! Please, huwag!” I begged him as tears began to spill from my eyes. “Ano ba? Ayaw ko nito…”

He didn’t listen. Bumaba ang kamay niya sa butones ng uniform ko at sinimulan niyang buksan iyon.

“Tulungan niyo ako! Tulooooong!” I screamed as loud as I could, hoping someone would hear me. Maingay ang tugtog sa labas at malamang nalulunod lang ang boses ko sa kasiyahan sa labas ng maliit na banyong ito. Manipis na dingding lang ang pagitan namin sa mga taong nagkakasiyahan. The people were all having fun outside while I was being sexually assaulted inside the bathroom.

He yanked my blouse open, revealing my bra. He looked down at my body, his eyes burning with desire.

I screamed as loud as I could but it was all in vain. I screamed until my voice was hoarse, until my throat felt raw.

Idinikit niya ang katawan niya sa akin. I felt his something hard poking my stomach through his jeans.

“You’ll enjoy this, I promise.” He said with a grin.

“Mallory!” Narinig ko ang boses ni Tisoy. At first I thought I was just imagining it but then I heard his voice again. “Mallory!”

“T-tisoy!” Nabuhayan ako ng pag-asa. “Tisoy, tulungan mo ako!”

“Shut the fuck up! Hindi ka niya maririnig!” Marahas na sabi ni Danilo bago bumaba ang mukha niya sa pagitan ng dibdib ko. I squirmed, trying to free my hands that he pinned against the wall.

“Tisoy!” Umiiyak na sigaw ko. “Tisoy, tulungan mo ako.”

“Mallory!” He shouted again, this time his voice was closer.

“Tisoy!” I screamed frantically. “Tis—”

“Sabi nang tumigil ka!” He said covering my mouth with his hand. “Gusto mo pa yatang nasasaktan ka.”

I heard Tisoy calling me again. I bit the hand that was covering my mouth as hard as I could. Malakas na napamura si Danilo at nabitawan ako.

“Tisoy, Tisoy tulungan mo ako!” I said, my hand shook as I reached for the doorknob.

Nabuksan ko ang pinto at si Tisoy ang una kong nakita. I felt relieved. Umiiyak na napayakap ako sa kanya.

“Mal—” He pulled away from the hug and looked at me. “What happened?”

Nagbaba siya ng tingin. Bukas pa rin ang blouse ng uniform ko. I was crying so hard as I felt my whole body shaking. Isinara niya ang blouse nang uniform ko at tumingin siya sa likod ko. Lumabas si Danilo mula sa banyo. The mere sight of him made my whole body shake even more. I wrapped my arms around Tisoy and buried my face into his chest.

Tisoy cussed angrily. Binitawan niya ako at sumugod sa kinatatayuan ni Danilo. He punched him square in the face before and it threw him off balance. Agad na nakatayo si Danilo at lumabas ng suntok sa kanya. Tisoy was able to block the first punch but the second punch landed on the side of his face. I screamed for them to stop. Nakuha ang atensyon nito ng mga tao at nagkumpulan ang mga ito. Pinanood lang nilang magsuntukan ang dalawa.

Nakahiga na ngayon si Danilo sa sahig at pinagsusuntok siya ni Tisoy. There were already blood running down his nose and mouth. Lumapit ang dalawang kaibigan ni Danilo at hinawakan ang magkabilang braso ni Tisoy. They held him and helped Danilo up. Nagpupumiglas si Tisoy sa pagkahawak pero dalawang malalaking lalaki ang pumipigil sa kanya. Danilo wiped the blood of his nose and mouth. His eyes narrowed on Tisoy. Umangat ang kamao ni Danilo at tumama sa mukha ni Tisoy. Danilo punched him over and over. I felt helpless as I watched him. I screamed for someone to help them but nobody stepped in.

Yumakap ako kay Tisoy. I blocked his body with mine. His face was already black and blue and there were blood…

“Please, tama na! Tigilan niyo na siya.” Pakiusap ko habang yakap ang lupaypay na katawan niya.

In the distance, I heard the siren of the police car. Somebody had called the police. Agad binitawan ng dalawang lalaki si Tisoy at tumakbo sila kasama si Danilo. Sinalo ko ang walang malay na katawan niya at niyakap siya.

Nang makita ng mga pulis si Tisoy, agad siyang sinugod sa ospital. I never left his side. Hawak ko ang kamay niya habang nakahiga siya sa kama sa emergency room. I looked at his battered face. Awang-awa ako sa itsura niya. I couldn’t help the tears from pouring down my face.

I gave him a kiss on the forehead as my fingers stroked his hair.

“I love you.” I whispered, sobbing.

I've been working for Derek for almost a month now. Hindi naman mahirap ang trabaho ko. I just sit in front of the computer most part of the day. I schedule his meetings, I answer his emails and take in calls. He's a very busy man, managing an international bank. 

Hanggang ngayon hindi pa din ako makapaniwala na siya ang Tisoy na kasabay kong lumaki. Now he's Derek von Einsiedel, a young well-respected bank magnate. I read his emails and he gets daily love letters from different women from all over the world. Hindi ko naman sila masisisi. He's a very successful man and with his bachelor status, it's just natural for girls to swarm over him. 

Tumingin ako sa oras ng matapos kong saguting ang huling email. It's already seven in the evening. I stretch out my tired arms before getting up the swivel chair. Inayos ko ang mga gamit ko at naghanda na akong umuwi. My desk was placed outside Derek's office kaya bihira din kaming mag-usap. Kung mag-uusap man kami tungkol iyon sa trabaho.

Si Ellen lang ang babaeng nakakapasok sa office ni Derek nang hindi kinakailangan ng schedule. I have seen her twice since I started working for him. I guess what they have was really special. Siya lang ang pinaglalaanan ng oras ni Derek. One time he cancelled meeting just so they could have dinner together. I know because I was the one who booked the restaurant reservation. Alam kong hindi na dapat ako maapektuhan pero ewan ko ba. I still feel a weird ache in my chest everytime I see them together. I wish I could stop feeling this way but my feelings aren't something I have control over.

I punched out of work and when I went out of the building, it started to rain. Biglaang malakas na ulan. Buti na lang may dala akong payong pero dahil umuulan ng malakas, agawan sa taxi at fx. Pumara ako ng taxi pero lahat ng dumadaan may sakay ng pasahero.

A black Buggati stopped in front of where I was standing as I wait for a taxi. Bumaba ang bintana nito sa passenger's seat at nakita ko si Derek na nakaupo sa driver's seat. 

"Get in." Sabi niya.

"Maghihintay na lang ako ng taxi." Sabi ko.

"Malakas ang ulan. Mahihirapan kang makakuha ng masasakyan." He said.

"Okay lang. Kaya ko naman maghintay." I said.

"Just get in the car, Mallory. Tignan mo basang-basa na yang damit mo." He pointed out.

I looked down at my clothes and they were indeed wet. Kahit nakapayong ako, nabasa pa rin ako dahil sa sobrang lakas ng ulan.

"Kapag ikaw nagtaggal dito baka di ka na makauwi. Baka abutan ka ng baha sa dadaanan mong kalsada." Sabi niya.

Hindi ko na siya pinansin at kumaway ako sa paparating na taxi. Pero lumagpas lang ito sa harap ko dahil may sakay na sa loob.

Derek got out of his car. Hindi niya ininda ang ulan. He opened the passenger's side for me. Our gaze met and he smiled at me. Basang-basa na siya ngayon sa ulan pero parang wala lang ito sa kanya.

I finally got in the car and he closed the passenger's side door once I was seated and he rushed to the driver's side and slipped in. He was dripping wet but he didn't seem to mind. He drove to my condo unit building. 

"Gusto mong magkape muna." Alok ko sa kanya nang nasa parking lot na kami ng building. Nakakahiya naman na nabasa na siya dahil sa akin tapos hindi ko pa siya aalukin kahit kape man lang,

His face suddenly lit up. "Yeah... yeah, sure." 

We quietly got out of the car and rode the elevator to my room. Pumasok kami sa condo unit at kumuha ako ng twalya para sa kanya. I handed the towel to him.

"Sandali lang, gagawan kita ng kape." Sabi ko at nang akmang tatalikod na ako, pinigilan niya ako.

He walked towards the mini bar on the corner of the living room. "It's alright. I'll just have a shot of scotch to keep me warm."

I watched as he poured himself a drink and downed it. 

"Drink with me." Aya niya sa akin.

Lumapit ako sa bar at umupo sa isa sa stool sa harap nito. He was the one who bought those alcohols. Pagdating ko nandito na yun at ni isa sa mga iyon, wala akong ginalaw. He poured me a glass and handed it to me.

I wasn't much of a drinker. The bitter taste of alcohol still makes me wince. Pinilit kong lagukin ang alak na iyon. 

He chuckled.

"Ano'ng nakakatawa?" I asked.

"You." He answered, grinning. "You've worked at a club and yet you still can't stand the taste of alcohol?"

"Ang pait kaya." Sabi ko. 

"How did you even land a job at a club? Nakapagtapos ka naman ng college, di ba?" He asked, pouring himself another drink.

"Yeah pero sa lahat ng pinag-applyan kong kumpanya wala ni isa ang gusto maghire sa isang art major graduate." I chuckled. He handed me another shot after drinking his. I took it. "Meron ngang interviewer na nagtanong sa akin noon, ano daw bang gagawin ko sa kumpanya nila, magpapainting?"

"Give me the name of all the companies that turned you down. Ibablack list ko sila sa bangko para hindi sila makapagloan." He jokingly said. "They're all stupid, letting an intelligent woman like you go."

Nawala ang ngiti ko sa labi. He let me go... 

I downed the shot, feeling the heat of the alcohol travel down my throat. I could feel it travelling up my head. I felt more relaxed after the second shot.

"Totoo nga siguro ang stereotype sa mga art major graduates. Wala nga sigurong buhay doon."

"You're a great artist, Mallory. You should've just continued painting, you should've pursued your dream."

"Naging practical lang ako." I let out a deep sigh. "What was I suppose to do? I-alok sa kalsada ang mga paintings at drawings ko? Hindi ako mabubuhay nun. I needed a job that could pay my rent and put food on the table. I didn't know it was just suppose to be a hobby. Something I enjoy and love doing. That's when I learned that not everything you love is good for you."

I lifted my gaze up at his face. You weren't good for me.

I poured myself another shot and drank it. I was starting to feel light headed but I didn't mind. Alcohol numbs my emotions. I didn't want to feel pain.

Ibinaba ko ang shot glass. Derek and his honey brown eyes looked at me intently. His hand lifted up and I felt his thumb brushing the corner of my lips. He then brought that thumb to his mouth and licked it.

I didn't know why but my insides felt hot. It was so hot I felt like I wanted to explode. An idea came into my mind. I poured myself another drink and pretended I was going to drink it. Pero ibinuhos ko iyon sa akin. The liquid trickled down my chest, to my stomach and further down.

"Oops!" I giggled. 

Umangat ang isang sulok ng labi ni Derek. He stepped in front of me and looked at my alcohol soaked body. His eyes were burning with desire as he stared at me. He brought one hand on my cheek and gently carressed it. Bumaba ang ulo niya sa akin at ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko. Naramdaman ko ang paglapat ng mainit na labi niya sa akin.

He sucked the bottom of my lip. His kiss was hungry, starving and savage. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back with the same intensity. I opened my mouth for him as he darted his tongue in my mouth. He thrust it in and out, in and out. Lalong humigpit ang yakap ko sa kanya. 

His lips trailed down my jaw as his hand carressed the side of my body. Bumaba ang halik niya sa leeg ko, he licked the alcohol off it. A moan rose up my throat when he sucked the sensitive flesh on my neck, gently nibbling it. I felt moist in between my legs. 

I felt his hand stopping on top of my breast. He cupped it and gently massaged it. Even with my blouse and bra on, I could still feel the warmth of his palm against me. I could feel my nipples hardening.

Nang magsawa siya sa leeg ko, bumaba ang halik niya sa dibdib ko. He opened my blouse which revelead my black lace bra. My chest was covered with alcohol too. He licked the alcohol off my chest. Iniliyad ko ang katawan ko sa kanya, offering my body to him. His hands went to the back and unhooked my bra. He freed my breasts and slipped the bra off my arms. I could feel the cold air brushing against my nipple, hardening it even more. 

Both his hands encircled around my breasts. He looked at them, eyes glittering in fascination. He started squeezing and lifting them. My breath hitched when his thumbs brushed against my nipples. I had to bite my lower lip to keep myself from moaning. It had been so long since I was touched like this. He pinched bottom my nipples, rolling them in between his fingers. He was like a curious child exploring a new toy. 

Bumaba ang ulo niya sa dibdib ko. He latched his mouth around as much of my breast he could. He sucked hard like he was trying to get milk out of it. Just as I thought I couldn't feel any hotter here I was, burning... 

Napahigpit ang kapit ko sa balikat niya. He moved to give the same attention to my other breast. When he had enough of it, his lips trailed down my stomach. I could feel myself breathing rapidly. He just pushed my pencil skirt up and pull my panties down. I felt tingles in between my legs as he opened them wide, all for him to see. 

He knelt down in front of where I was sitting. Ipinatong niya ang magkabilang hita ko sa balikat niya. I felt his tongue over my mound. The intense pleasure I felt when his hot mouth covered me made me gasp. He opened my folds with two finger and his tongue licked in between them. His tongue put pressure around my swollen nub, making my hips twitch upward. He flicked his tongue over and over until my hips were bucking, desperate for release. He slid a finger inside me as his tongue continued to pleasure me. I felt a warm pool of liquid forming inside me, ready to explode.  He thrust his finger in and out of me, hitting the most pleasurable spot and making my toes curl in ecstasy. One... two... three thrust and that was it. I closed my eyes and saw fireworks. I felt the heat leaking out of me. He didn't stop there. He licked me clean, not leaving a single drop.

He stood up, looking at me with eyes clouded with passion. He took off his wet shirt and pulled down his pants until he was wearing nothing but his boxers. I could see his harness through the little cloth that was covering it. Pinangko niya ako at ibinaba sa couch na ilang hakbang lang ang layo mula sa mini bar.

He pulled my legs apart. Ipinatong niya ang isang hita ko sa ibabaw ng sandalan ng couch. My legs spread wide as I could. Derek's eyes lowered to my womanhood.

"You're beautiful, Mallory." He said, breathlessly.

He pulled his boxers down and his manhood sprung free. He positioned himself in between my legs. He was big and thick. He stroked himself a little before he brushed it against my folds. He brushed the tip of it around my clit, around and around and over and over, making me moan in aching pleasure. I orgasmed for the second time. 

Then he positioned it on my opening. He gently pushed himself inside me. I felt my insides stretching... I was already wet but he was still big. I felt my insides accomodating his girth, my warmth wrapping tightly around him. 

"Derek..." I moaned.

He was gentle and careful with me. His whole length was already inside me when he paused. He looked at me in the eyes and lowered his head to give me a kiss on the forehead.

"God, you feel so good, Mal..." He whispered.   

He gently withdrew his length and pushed it in me again. He began to move, thrusting in and out, faster and faster. He thrust inside me one last time before he withdrew himself completely out of me and stroked his length with his hand. 

His hot liquid showered my folds and he collapsed on top of me. I could feel him heavily breathing against me. Isinuklay ko ang mga daliri ko sa buhok niya. Hanggang sa naramdaman kong nag-iba na ang paghinga niya. I looked down at him and his eyes were closed.

I called out his name but he didn't respond. He fell asleep on top of me.

"I love you." I whispered in his ear the secret I held in my heart for so long.

# Chapter Eight

It was my eighteenth birthday. Isang buwan kaming nagprepare para sa eighteenth birthday kong ito. Sa garden namin gaganapin ang party. I invited all my friends and everyone we knew. I just got out of the shower and was sitting in front of the vanity mirror in my robe. My hair stylist was fixing my hair and the makeup artist was busy putting makeup on me.

"You're going to be the most beautiful girl in this party." The makeup artist said.

"She has always been the most beautiful girl for us." Mom smiled as she looked at me in the mirror.

I smiled back at her.

"I can't believe it. Parang noon lang ginagabayan ka pa ng daddy mo sa paglalakad. Ngayon dalangang-dalaga ka na." Mom got a little teary eyed.

"Mom, don't cry." I said because if she cried, I'd get emotional too. "I'm still your little girl." 

"No matter how old you get, you'll still be our little Mallory." She said, hugging me from behind. I hugged her arm and gave it a little pat.

"I love you mommy, you and daddy." I said.

"We love you too." Sabi niya bago bumitaw sa pagkakayakap. "I'm just going to check the venue. Titignan ko kung maayos na ang lahat."

I nodded my head and then mom left. It took an hour for them to finish my makeup, my hair and to get me in my debut gown. It was an elegant purple ball gown made out of the finest satin. I thought the fashion designer did a wonderful job. I spun around in front of the mirror. I felt like a princess. 

Sumilip ako sa bintana ng kwarto ko. It had a wonderful view of the garden. There were already a lot of people outside. The garden was illuminated by little light they hang around trees and bushes. It looked even more beautiful than before. It looked like the plants grew glowing little berries. 

I had to check myself in front of the mirror one last time before I went out. Si Tisoy ang unang nakita ko nang dahan-dahan ako bumaba sa hagdan. He met me halfway on the staircase and offered his hand to me. 

My eyes met his as I took his hand. He was so handsome in his tuxedo. His hair was swept back in a dashing sweep. His eyes lowered to the gown I was wearing before his gaze went back up my face.

"You're beautiful." He said, breathlessly. His eyes sparkled, he looked at me as if he really meant what he said.

"T—thank you." I said, feeling a little self concious. 

 Gumaling na ang mga paso at sugat na natamo niya sa insidenteng nangyari sa party. That happened over six months ago. Danilo and his friends were caught. Nagsampa ako ng kaso sa ginawa nila. They were dropped out of their basketball team at ang alam ko lumipat na si Danilo sa ibang school. Our relationship had been improved since that incident. Hindi ko masasabi na matalik na kaming magkaibigan but there was a change. He was almost killed because of me, because I didn't listen to him. He was the one who saved me.

Siya ang escort ko ngayon gabi. It was actually my parents' idea. Hindi naman ako tumutol doon dahil gusto ko din naman. 

I wrapped my arm around his and we walked down the stairs together. Everyone turned their attentions to us as we made our grand entrance.

The party was nothing short of wonderful. I really did feel like a princess on my special day. I enjoyed it a lot. All my friends were there, all the people I love. It was a very enchanting night. Ginawa namin ang mga ginagawa sa debut. We had eighteen candles, eighteen gifts, eighteen roses.

My dad was my first dance, and then my male friends, and the last was Tisoy. I didn't know why but I felt a weird pounding in my heart as his hand wrapped around my waist, as we were looking into each other'e eyes. We danced to the song 'Can't help Falling In Love With You'. As we were dancing it felt like we were the only people there. Everything around us disappeared. He was all I could see. I felt like melting into a puddle as he stared into my eyes. I knew I was falling for him. I was falling for him so hard. No matter how hard I tried I was losing all control of my emotions. 

"Dalagang-dalaga ka na." Sabi niya habang nagsasayaw kami. "You're so breathtakingly beautiful"

My cheeks flushed, a smile formed on my lips. "Ikaw din. Bagay sa'yo yang suot mo."

"Talaga?" His dimples showed when he smiled.

I nodded my head, trying to avoid his gaze. Natatakot ako na baka pagtinitigan ko siya malaman niya ang totoong nararamdaman ko. I was afraid he'd be able to tell that my heart pounding really loud right now I could hear it in my ears or that the butterflies in my stomach was making me uncomfortable.

"Salamat nga pala sa pagligtas mo sa akin." I never had the chance to thank him for what he did until now. "Dapat nakinig ako sa'yo."

"It's alright..." He gently said.

"It's not alright. You got hurt." Umangat ang tingin ko sa mukha niya. My hand lifted up to touch his face, he still had light bruises and cuts. Hindi na masyadong halata iyon pero sa malapitan kitang-kita. This was my fault. "I'm sorry."

"Wala 'yun. Malayo sa bituka." He chuckled gingerly.

"And thank you for thanking the fall for me." I said, resting my head on his chest. I could hear his heart beating. Bumilis nang tibok ng puso niya. It tuned and began beating in the same rythm as mine.

He told Mom and Dad that he got into a fight at the party. Hindi niya sinabi na ako ang dahilan kung bakit siya nandoon at kung bakit siya nabugbog. He had always protected me, he had always put me above himself. 

The party ended wonderfully. I said goodbye to my parents, thanked them and of course my parents. I went to my room after the party and took a shower. Kalalabas ko lang ng shower nang may kumatok sa pinto ko.

I was only wearing robe and my hair was still wet when I opened the door. Pagbukas ko nakita ko si Tisoy na nakatayo sa harap ng pinto ko. He smiled at me, his cute dimples showed. 

"Bakit?" I asked.

"Gusto ko sanang ibigay sa'yo itong regalo ko." He said, showing me a rectangular box wrapped in a purple gift wrap.

"Ano yan?" Tanong ko sa kanya.

"Why don't you open it?" He handed it to me.

I took it from him and unwrapped the gift. I, then, opened the velvet rectangular box. It was a necklace. A beautiful white gold necklace with diamond studded heart shaped pendant, it had my initial in the middle of the heart. 

"It's beautiful." Namamanghang sabi ko habang hawak ang pendant nito. 

"It'll look even more beautiful on you." Sabi niya. "Do you want me to put it on you?"

I smiled and nodded my head. He took the necklace from me and made me turn around. We stood in front of my vanity mirror as he put it on me. I held the heart shaped pendant as I looked at it in front of the mirror.

"I knew it would look perfect on you." Sabi niya habang nakatingin din sa repleksyon ko sa salamin. He spun me to face him and looked at me. "You're a woman now, Mallory. A very beautiful woman."

Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero biglang bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko. He was looking at me differently. Bumaba ang mga mata niya sa labi ko. I bit the bottom of my lip as I felt concious with him looking at me.

The next thing I knew, his lips were on mine. I gasped in surprise but when I recovered from the surprise, I felt myself softening. I felt my body relaxing and just enjoying the feeling of his warm lips against my lips. 

He pulled away from the kiss and brushed his fingers through his hair. "Shit... I did it again, didn't I? I'm so sorry."

"Kiss me again." I said. 

"Mallory..." Mahinang sabi niya.

"I said kiss me again." I demanded. 

Hindi siya gumalaw. Tinitigan niya lang ako. Tisoy was astonished and more than a little confused. When he didn't do anything, I wrapped my arms around his neck and tiptoed so I could kiss him.

I moved my lips against his and it didn't take long for him to respond. Hindi ko namalayan na bumukas na pala ang robe na suot ko. I only noticed when I felt the cold air brushing against my naked skin. We pulled away from the kiss, his eyes lowering to my naked body. 

I felt embarrased but the new sensation I felt between my legs overpowered it. His chest began to rapidly move up and down, his breath changing as he looked at me. I liked the reaction I was getting from him. 

Instead of covering myself up, I let the robe slip from my shoulders and unto the floor. I could feel my cheeks flushing but I ignored it. My heart, oh God, it felt it was about to explode out of my chest. It was going faster and faster with each beat. 

"You're beautiful." He said as his eyes explored my body. 

"I want you to touch me." I seductively said, arching my body towards him.

His hand carresed the side of my breast. I stiffened and inhaled sharply when his thumb brushed my nipple. 

Hinalikan niya ulit ako at binuhat ako papunta sa kama. Hiniga niya ako sa kama. He started to undress too. His body was lean and muscular, it was perfection. My eyes lowered to his manhood. 

My eyes widened at the sight of it. That was the first time I had seen a male part in flesh. When he stood still, he was like a work of art.

My hand reached over to touch his length. I wanted to know how it feels like. He groaned as if in pain. Natakot naman na binawi ko ang kamay ko.

"Did I... did I hurt you?" I asked.

"No... it felt good. Really good." He answered.

Dahan-dahan kong ibinalik ang kamay ko doon. I wanted to explore, to feel every inch of it. As I was touching him, his hand went down to my mound. I felt like I was touched by a live wire when he touched me there. It was an unexplainable sensation. Para akong nakuryente, but it was a good kind of feeling. I opened my legs a little wider, wanting more of whatever it was. His fingers started exploring my folds and then he started massaging me, rubbing me in circular motion. I had never felt something like that in my whole entire life.

A weird sound escaped from my lips.

He wrapped his free hand around my hand that held his manhood. He started guiding my hand up and down. 

My breath grew heavier as I felt something growing hotter inside me. My whole body tensed, it wanted something I couldn't name. His hand suddenly stopped massaging me. I whined in protest. And then I felt his finger entering me. He slowly pushed it in. I squeezed his manhood a little tighter as I moved my hand up and down.

"Mallory..." He let out a soft growl.

He pushed it further in and I yelped when I felt a discomfort bordering to pain sensation. He pushed in a little more. 

"Derek!" I looked up at him, confused. One second I was feeling pleasure, now I was feeling this.

"You're so tight." He said through labored breath. "Do you want me to stop?"

"No..." I said with squeaky voice. I didn't want him to stop, no. I wanted this. I wanted him. 

He slowly moved his finger in and out of me until I got used to it. He was patient and very gentle. The discomfort soon turned into pleasure. My hand continued to move up and down his length as his finger moved in and out of me. 

Then I felt that pleasure I was chasing earlier. The pool of heat inside my stomach. It felt like there was a ticking time bomb in there, ready to explode at any moment.

"I'm almost there, Mal. Don't stop." He groaned. I didn't what he meant when he said he was almost there but I felt like I was almost there too.

My toes curled in ecstasy and I felt it explode. Something inside me was throbbing. And then I felt him throbbing in my hand too. White liquid oozed from the tip of his manhood down to his length and my hand. It was warm and gooey.

My body relaxed against the bed as I felt the wave after wave of pleasure subsiding. He reached for the tissue box on top of my bedside table and wiped off the goo from my hand and his manhood.  

"That was... wow." Iyon lang ang nasabi ko.

He chuckled, giving me a kiss on the forehead. "You're so beautifully innocent."

"Let's do it again." I said. "This time I want you to take me."

"Mal..." He looked down at me with worry in his eyes. "Are you sure you want this."

I nodded my head. 

He got on top of me and positioned himself between my legs. 

"Mallory, are you really sure this is what you want?"

"Yes..." I answered.

"You're not going to regret this?"

"No..." I sincerely said. 

"This is going to hurt." 

I just nodded my head.

"Tell me when to stop, okay?" He said, bending his head down and giving me a kiss on the lips. He slowly and gently pushed himself in.

On the night of my eighteenth birthday, he made a woman out of me. I lost my virginity to him. 

I was already in bed when I woke up. I sat up, stretching my arms out. I felt the cold air touch my naked body. Nang gumalaw ako naramdaman ko ang sakit sa buong katawan ko. I was sore all over. The part between my legs was tender. I’d use the muscle I hadn’t used in a long time.

Siguro umalis na si Derek. Somehow, that thought made me sad but I tried to brush the feeling away. I wrapped the blanket around my body and went to the bathroom. I took a warm shower to try to relax my aching muscles.

I felt stupid. Why did I let this happen? I was the one who initiated it, it was my fault. Gusto kong iuntog ang sarili ko sa pader. It was the alcohol’s fault. No. Why was I blaming the alcohol? Alcohols only lowers inhibitions which means that was what I really wanted but couldn’t admit in my sober state.

I got out of the shower and put a comfortable dress on. Pagkatapos kong magbihis, lumabas ako ng kwarto.

“Kanina pa naghihintay ang pagkain.” I stiffened at the sound of Derek’s voice.

“A-ano’ng ginagawa mo dito?” I asked.

“Nagluto ako ng breakfast. Gutom na gutom kasi ako pagkagising ko. Aren’t you hungry?” He casually said.

I shook my head.

“Masarap itong niluto ko. Nagsangag ako, nagluto din ako ng bacon at sausage.”

“Hindi ba may pasok ka ngayon?”

“Ikaw din naman.” He chuckled.

“They need you there, they don’t need me.” Dahilan ko.

“Well, I’m the boss. Kung ayaw kong pumasok, hindi ako papasok.” He said.

“Okay.” I coldly shrugged.

“I’ve been waiting for you to wake up so we could eat together. Pinakialaman ko na ang kusina mo, I hope you don’t mind.”

“Lahat ng meron ako, ikaw naman talaga ang may-ari, hindi ba?” I rolled my eyes at him.

“Come on, Mal. Huwag naman tayo mag-away ngayon. It’s early in the morning. We were just fine last night, weren’t we?”

My cheeks flushed as memories of last night flashed through my mind. I must admit, he was even better now compared to when we were younger. His body was even better than it used to be. Alam ko dahil nakabisado ko na ang katawan niya noon. He was like a wine, he gets better and better with age. It was inappropriate to think about it but I just couldn’t help it.

“Halika na, mag-almusal na tayo.” He took my hand and dragged me to the dining room.

Tahimik kaming kumain ng almusal.

“Tutal pareho naman tayong hindi pumasok ngayon, why don’t we go out?” He suggested as he was spreading butter on his toasted bread.

I remained quiet, pretending too busy with my food to hear what he just said.

“Or do you want to stay here and rest?” He asked.

“Yeah…” I finally answered. That sounded like a good idea. My body was still sore and I just wanted to stay in bed all day.

“Okay, we’ll stay.” He said.

“We’ll?” Tumaas ang kilay ko.

“Yes.” He gave me a cheeky smile. “I’m staying here with you. Wala rin naman akong gagawin ngayon.”

“How ’bout you go home?” My brow raised a little higher.

“Nah, I want to spend the day with you.” He took a bite from his toast.

Hindi na ako nakaangal. This was his place after all. Nakikitara lang ako dito. Hindi ko naman siya pwedeng palayasin dito. But if he thinks what happened last night would happen again today then he’s wrong. I would never let it happen again. One night of carelessness was enough.

I headed straight to my room after I cleaned up the plates. I wanted to draw. Drawing had always been my hobby and passion. I hadn’t done this for a long time. I sat next on the window seat in my bedroom. I had my feet up the couch and the sketchbook on my lap as I tried to think of what I was going to draw.

I turned on the radio and started sketching. The view from my window was amazing. The trees below, the other buildings, the car… I decided that was what I was going to draw.

Habang abala ako sa pagguhit, bumukas ang pinto at hindi na ako nagulat nang makita kong pumasok si Derek.

“I waited for you to come out of your room so we could watch a movie.” He said.

“I’m busy.” I said, turning my attention back to my sketchbook.

Umupo si Derek sa bakanteng space sa paanan ko. “What are you drawing?”

“You’re distracting me.” I sighed.

“I’m sorry.” He chuckled. “I’ll just sit here and watch you.”

Iyon nga ang ginawa niya. I tried my best to ignore him but I could feel the weight of his stare as I drew. I felt extremely uncomfortable and a little self-conscious. I could hardly focus on what I was drawing. My heart felt like it was skipping beats.

“What do you want from me?” I snapped. I couldn’t take it anymore, being this near to him was pure torture. He made me feel things I didn’t want to feel.

“Nothing. Gusto lang kitang panoorin.”

“Ayaw ko na.” I said, dropping my pencil and my sketchbook like a pathetic five year old throwing a tantrum.

Nang tumayo ako, tumayo din siya. I marched towards the door but he blocked me with his body.

“Ano ba paraanin mo ako?” I punched him in the chest but it seemed like it had no effect on him. He didn’t bat an eye. 

“Will you ever forgive me?” His voice was full of sorrow.

I looked up at him with glaring eyes. “No, I hate you. I hate you so much. You make me sick.”

Gumuhit ang sakit sa mga mata niya. He took me in his arms and I tried to pry myself away from his hug but he pulled me tighter.

“I’ve always loved you… and I still do. I love you so much, Mallory.”

“Sinungaling!” I said through gritted teeth. “You are such a liar!”

Pinagsusuntok ko siya sa dibdib at naramdaman ko ang pamumuo ng luha sa gilid ng mga mata ko. I began crying. I buried my face in his chest because I didn’t him to see me in tears.

He cupped my face and made me look at him, his thumb wiping off my tears.

“Mahal na mahal kita, Mallory. Lahat nang ginawa ko, lahat ng meron ako ngayon, para ito sa’yo.”

It was as if the universe had played a sick joke on us when the radio started playing ‘Can’t Help Falling In Love With You’, the song we danced to on my eighteenth birthday. Without thinking, I threw my hands around him and kissed him.

Chapter Nine

“Tisoy, ano ba?” Natatawang sabi ko when he splashed me with water. I splashed back and he splashed me back again, resulting in a splash fight.

He tried to get me but I ran away from him while still splashing me with water.

“Huwag kang magpapahuli sa’kin…” He said with warning in his voice.

“Or what?” Naghahamon na sabi ko.

“You don’t want to know.” He sneered arrogantly.

“Oh believe me, I do.” I said with a low chuckle.

He dipped his head in the water and started to swim to wear I was standing. Bago pa ako nakatakbo palayo, he already popped up in front of me.

He put both his hand over the edge of the pool right behind me, imprisoning me with his arms. I stared up at him, his height towering over me. He gave me a meaningful smile, wiggling his eyebrows up and down.

“Ano yan ha?” I asked, playfully giggling.

“I want to kiss you.” He huskily said.

I looked around, nobody was in the backyard but us. But still, I was worried someoene walk in on us and see us.

“Isa lang ha.” I said.

He puckered his lips up and leaned down to me. I tiptoed, giving him a soft and quick kiss on the lips.

“Ang bilis naman.” He complained.

“Ano ka ba? Baka mamaya may makakita sa atin.” Sabi ko.

Nobody knew about our relationship but us. My parents wouldn’t like the idea of us dating because Tisoy was already like a son to them, he was a part of our family now. We decided to keep whatever we had a secret.

He rested his forehead against mine and looked into my eyes.

“What if they find out about us?” Nag-aalalang tanong ko.

He let out a deep sigh. “Hindi ko pa alam. I didn’t expect this to happen… I didn’t expect us to happen. All I know is that I’ve never felt this way before.”

“Kahit kay Melissa?” My brow arched up.

“Kahit kaninong babae. I’ve always felt this for you, this strange, unique thing. I’ve never felt something as intense as this for anyone and I don’t I’ll ever will.”

Me too.

“But this feels wrong.” His emotion shifted into something else. “Parang magulang ko na din ang mga magulang mo. Malaki ang tiwala nila sa akin pero ito pa ang ginawa ko. Para ko na rin silang ginago.”

“I wanted this too… hindi lang naman ikaw ang may kasalanan.” I said.

“But I’m older than you, I should’ve known better.” There was guilt in his voice.

“Alam mo huwag muna natin yang isipin. As long as we’re careful, we wouldn’t get caught.” I smiled, trying to lighten up the mood.

Without saying a word, he pulled me against his body and gave me a gentle kiss on the forehead.

I hugged Tisoy tighter as I felt the wave of pleasure washing over my body. He started thrusting a little faster, a little harder. A soft moan escaped my lips. He covered my mouth with his to keep me from making any noise and after a few more thrust, I felt his body stiffened on top of me.

He buried his face into my neck and groaned against my skin. Our chest rapidly rose up and down as we tried to catch our breaths. He got off on top of me and went straight to the bathroom to remove his condom and clean himself up.

After a few minutes, he got out of the bathroom, picked his clothes up from the floor and wore it. Umupo siya sa gilid nang kama ko and he leaned over to me, giving me a peck on the lips.

“Tisoy…” I bit my bottom lip.

“Yeah?”

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang paano ko sasabihin sa kanya ito. Kanina pa ako nag-iipon nang lakas ng loob. I took in a deep breath and decided to tell him what had been bothering me for days now.

“I still haven’t had my period.” Sabi ko.

Biglang nag-iba ang reaksyon niya. He looked shocked. He drew his head away from me and let out a soft curse.

I sat down, clutching the blanket over my naked body.

“Are you telling me…?” Kumunot ang noo niya.

My head shook. “I… I’m not sure. I was suppose to have my period five days ago.”

Marahas na isinuklay niya ang daliri niya sa buhok niya. “I’m always careful with you.”

“The first time we did it… we didn’t use any protection.” Mahinang sabi ko.

He let out a pained breath and tightly closed his eyes. “Shit!” He opened his eyes and looked at me. “You’re too young for this, Mallory, and your parents doesn’t even know about us!”

They didn’t know what was going on between us. Natutuwa pa nga sina Mommy at Daddy sa closeness namin ni Tisoy. Hindi nila alam na may nangyayari na sa amin sa loob mismo nang bahay namin. Kung buntis nga ako, hindi ko alam kung paano namin ito ipaliliwanag sa kanila.

“This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have touched you.” He said with regret in his voice.

“Nangyari na. Wala na tayong magagawa.”

“Bibili ako ng pregnancy test bukas para makasiguro tayo.”

“What if it turns out positive.” I asked, worriedly.

“Kailangan natin sabihin kina tito at tita.” Sabi niya. “We can’t keep it from them o hintayin lumaki ang tiyan mo bago natin sabihin.”

He bought five pregnancy test kits and, thank God, all came out negative. Pareho kaming nakahinga nang maluwag ng makita namin ang resulta. I had my period the next day. Pero mula nang mangyari iyon, nagsimula na din siyang umiwas sa akin. Naiintindihan ko naman siya. The pregnancy scare was a wake up call for the both of us.

I found out about birth control pills through my friend. Gumagamit siya nito. She said it was effective, she’d been using it for a long time. Kaya bumili ako nangbirth control pills para sa akin and I started taking it.

Kumakabog ang dibdib ko nang huminto ako sa harap ng kwarto ni Tisoy. It was already twelve in the morning and I knew everyone in the house were already asleep.

I brought my fist up and made a soft knock on his door. After a couple knocks, the door opened and there he stood with hooded eyes. Halatang kagigising niya lang. Pero biglang nanlaki ang mga mata niya nang makita ako.

“Mallory…” He said. “A-ano’ng ginagawa mo dito?”

I’d missed him. We were living under the same roof. I see him everyday but he hardly makes eye contact with me. Things weren’t the same between us after that pregnancy scare.

I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him, pushing him in his room and kicking the door behind us. He wrapped his arms around my body and began kissing me back.

Then all of a sudden, he pulled away from the kiss, holding me on both shoulders and pushing me away. I looked up at him, confused.

“Bakit?”

“This isn’t right, Mallory.”

“I’m on birth control.” Sabi ko.

“Why are you on birth control?” He frowned.

“Para hindi ako mabuntis.” I bit my bottom lip.

“You should stop taking it. I… We should stop seeing each other like this. You’re too young… too innocent…”

“I’m already eighteen! Hindi na ako bata at lalong hindi na ako inosente! Ikaw higit sa kanino man ang dapat may alam niyan, you were the one who took my virginity.” My voice raised.

His gaze dropped along with his face. “Hindi… hindi tama ang ginagawa natin. I’m so sorry, that shouldn’t have happened. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Tisoy…” I said, swallowing the lump forming in my throat.

“Mabuti pa, bumalik ka na sa kwarto mo.”

“No, I want to be with you.” Matigas na sabi ko.

“Don’t be hard headed. Bumalik ka na sa kwarto mo.” He hardened his voice just a bit. He grabbed me by the arm and tried to drag me out of the room.

“Don’t you like me anymore?” I could feel my strong front starting to fade away. “Ayaw mo na ba sa akin?”

“Mallory…” His head dropped like a wilted flower. “Just go… You’re not suppose to be here.”

“Answer me…” I tried to keep my voice from quivering.

“Mabuti pa umalis ka na bago pa may makakita sa atin.” He weakly said and then shut the door in front of my face.

At that precise moment, he shattered my entire world. He broke me.

I had lost count of how many times we made... I mean sex, how many times we had sex yesterday. It was just sex. Pure, simple, unadulterated sex between two consenting adults. After that  I asked him to leave because I wanted to be left alone.

I took in a deep breath, preparing myself mentally, as I neared my floor. Not a second later, the elevator door opened. 

I stepped out of the elevator and walked, passing by rows and rows of cubicles.

"Mallory." Tawag sa akin nang isa sa mga katrabaho ko na si Lanie. Isa siya sa mga unang nakilala ko dito nang magsimula ako. "Gusto mo nang pizza?" She held out a box of pizza and opened it. "Kuha ka."

"Thanks pero wag na, kakabreakfast ko lang." I politely declined. I looked around and almost everyone had pizza in their hands. "Bakit? Ano bang meron ngayon? May pizza party ba?"

"Hindi ko nga din alam kung ano ang okasyon ngayon." Lanie shrugged her shoulders. "Basta pagpasok ni sir Derek nagpautos siyang bumili ng pizza para sa buong floor. Sobrang ganda nga ng mood ngayon, lalo tuloy siyang gumagwapo." She giggled like a highschool girl.

"Oh okay... Papasok na ako, medyo late na kasi ako." Paalam ko bago ako tumalikod at naglakad papunta sa office.

The first thing I noticed was the cup of coffee sitting on the top of my table when I got in. Umupo ako at tinitigan ang cup na iyon. I noticed a note written on the cup and I read it. 

Good morning, beautiful. I hope you slept well. — Derek

My heart felt like it just flipped inside my chest. I leaned back to my swivel chair, just quietly staring at the cup of coffee. I started thinking of what he said yesterday.

Hindi na dapat ako naniniwala sa mga sinasabi niya. Hadn't I learned my lesson? Hadn't I learned anything from the past. I collected myself and my emotions. My face hardened. I picked up the cup of coffee, got up and threw it into the garbage bin. 

"Hindi ka ba mahilig sa kape?" Derek's voice startled me. 

Napalingon ako sa kanya. He was leaning against the door frame to his office with an amused expression on his face. 

"No." Matipid na sagot ko.

"Is there anything you want?" He asked.

"I want to work and be left alone in peace. I'm just here for the paycheck." I gave him a sarcastic smile.

"Our we back to square one?" He sighed.

I didn't answer him. I went back to my seat and pretended to work. As I was opening my computer he was suddenly next to me and was grabbing me by my wrist. 

"Derek, ano ba? What do you want from me?" I tried to pry my arms away from his hold.

"May pupuntahan tayo." Sabi niya at walang sabi-sabing hinatak ako patayo. He dragged me out of the office to the elevator. Bumaba kami sa parking lot and he shoved me right into his car. He closed the door and when I tried to open it, it was locked from the inside. 

"Where are you taking me?" I angrily shouted at him the moment he slid behind the wheels.

"You'll see." He said with a grin before starting his car.

He drove for about an hour. I didn't say a single word to him as I was really pissed off. Bigla kaming pumasok sa isang village. The place started to look more and more familiar. How could I forget this place? This was where I grew up...

Huminto kami sa harap ng isang bahay. The gate opened and he drove in. It was our old house. A wave of nostalgia hit me like a ton of bricks. He stopped his car in front of the entrance and got out. Hindi ako nakagalaw sa kinauupuan ko. He opened the door for me and held out his hand.

Kinuha ko iyon at inalalayan niya ako pababa. My legs were shaking and I tried hard to stand still. I could almost see mom standing in the front of our house. Madalas kasi hinihintay niya kami ni Tisoy na umuwi galing school. 

He guided me in and the living room greeted us. I could picture Dad and watching over my shoulder as I draw on top of the coffee table. I felt like I was walking through a time warp when everything was okay, when I was living a happy fairytale where I was the princess, when everything was okay. 

"I bought this house..." Sabi ni Derek. "for you."

I had to swallow, forcing the lump forming in my throat down. I couldn't think of anything to say to him. I looked around the house. Halos parehong-pareho ang mga gamit sa bahay namin dati. I never thought I'd see this place again. It was so full of bitter sweet memories. 

I found myself climbing up the stairs, heading towards my old room. Dahan-dahan kong binuksan ang pinto nang kwartong iyon. 

The furnitures all looked new and more expensive than what I used to have. Pero halos gayang-gaya nito ang dating kwarto ko. I sat on the edge of my bed, trying to collect myself. I took in a deep breath, hoping it would be enough to push away the searing pain that I was feeling right now.

Bumukas ang pinto at pumasok doon si Derek. He quietly sat next to me.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"I just... I miss my old life." I said.

"I miss our old life too." He said and drew a sharp inhale. "The life I had with you and your parents... that's the happiest I've ever been in my whole entire life. Sa inyo ko nalaman kung ano ang pakiramdam magkaron ng isang pamilya."

And then you left...

"Why did you take me here, Tisoy?" I couldn't hide the anger in my voice.

"I missed hearing you call me Tisoy." He smile painfully. "Malaki ang kasalanan ko sa'yo, alam ko yun. Pero ginawa ko lang naman yun dahil iyon ang makakabuti para sa'yo."

"I don't care anymore!" I sighed. "We're adults now. Hindi na tayo mga bata. Kung ano man ang nangyari noon, iwan na lang natin iyon sa nakaraan. Move on, don't get stuck in the past."

"I can't do that... I still love you."

"Stop staying that!" I said in a cold tone. "I don't want to hear it."

"Don't you feel anything for me anymore?" He asked.

I let out a sarcastic chuckle. "I was a stupid teenager with raging hormones. I never felt anything for you but lust."

Bahagyang bumagsak ang mukha niya pero agad din siyang nakabawi. "And what about what happened to us yesterday? Hindi ka na teenager ngayon, Mallory. Was that just lust too?"

"Yes..." I lied, holding my chin up. If that was love then I didn't want anything to do with it. 

I got up from the bed and walked to the door. "Gusto ko nang bumalik sa opisina. This is such a waste of time. I have a lot of work I need to finish." I coldly said.

My cold front dropped the moment I walked out of the door. I inhaled sharply as I felt hot tears blinding my vision.

I would never let him know that he broke me, even if it was just for a moment.

# Chapter Ten

I did not want to wallow in self-pity. He was just a guy... a guy who took my virginity, the first guy I'd ever love. It wasn't like it's the end of the world. He was just a guy.

I started going out alot with my friends, I started partying and drinking. I partied and drank the pain away. I did everything to forget him and I decieved myself into thinking that I already had. I started going home late from parties so I wouldn't have to see him. I couldn't look at him without feeling an ache in my chest.

"Mallory..." I felt someone shaking my shoulder. I opened my eyes and lifted my head up. My vision blurred at first but came into focus on Sandy's face. "Nandito na tayo sa bahay niyo."

My head was still spinning from all the alcohol I drank in the party. I looked out the window of the car and saw him standing there and looking at me. Tisoy had a hard and cold expression on his face. 

"Thanks, Sandy." I said before opening the door and getting out. I acted as if he was invisible. I stood by the car and waved at Sandy, she waved back at me and drove off. Naglalakad na ako papunta sa pinto nang bahay para pumasok ng magsalita siya.

"Kanina ka pa hinihintay nila tito." He said in an even tone. "Palagi ka na lang umuuwi nang late."

I massaged my aching head and groaned. "Will you just stop talking to me? Huwag mo akong sermonan, hindi ikaw ang magulang ko."

I went inside the house and he followed behind. 

"You reek of alcohol." Medyo tumaas ang boses niya. 

"Ano ba?" I spun to face him. "Just leave me alone! Lalong sumasakit ulo ko sa'yo."

His expression changed. For a moment he looked quite surprised. He tightly shut his eyes and an exhale passed his lips. He opened his eyes again and this time, his expression softened. "What are you doing to yourself, Mal? You're ruining yourself."

Naningkit sa galit ang mga mata ko. "You did this to me! You ruined me!" 

"Mallory, I— I never meant to hurt you." His eyes were sad as they looked into mine. 

"But you already did." I said in a cold tone.

He took a step towards me and I stepped back. 

"No! Huwag kang lalapit sa akin." I raised my hands in front of me to stop him. "Stay away from me."

"I'm sorry." He said, almost in a whisper. 

My lips lifted into a smirk. "You can take your sorry and leave me alone. I don't need it."

"I'm doing this for you, Mal." 

"You know what, stop it! Ayaw ko na marinig ang mga paliwanag mo. I don't want to hear anything from you again." I didn't want to hear anymore of his excuse. He hurt me. 

"Ano bang gusto mong gawin ko, Mal?" He raked his fingers through his hair. "I'd do anything you say, mapatawad mo lang ako."

"Umalis ka na dito." Matigas na sabi ko. "Go back to where you came from. Ayaw ko nang makita ka. I want you to get out of my life."

"Mallory..." He swallowed.

"O, akala ko ba gagawin mo ang lahat para mapatawad kita?" I let out a taunting smile. "Yan ang hirap sa'yo, puro ka lang salita."

I turned my back to him and walked away. I went to my room and let out the tears I'd been holding the whole day. 

Tanghali na ng magising ako. I had a good sleep and thankfully, my head wasn't hurting anymore. I climbed down the bed and took a quick shower before I decided to grab something to eat. As I was walking down the hallway heading to the stairs I heard Tisoy's voice inside my dad's study room.

Napahinto ako sa harap ng kwartong iyon. Bahagyang nakaawang ang pinto ng kwarto at nakita ko si Tisoy na nakatayo sa harap ng desk ni daddy habang si daddy naman ay nakaupo sa swivel chair. Dad was rubbing his chin as if thinking really, really hard.

"Ano bang problema, Tisoy?" He asked after a few moments of silence. 

"Wala naman po, tito." He shook his head.

"Si Mallory ba? Inaaway ka na naman ba niya?" 


"Hindi po." Agad na sagot niya.

"Eh ano?" I could see the frustration on his face. "Bakit bigla-bigla ka na lang nagpapaalam sa akin."

"Malaki po ang utang na loob ko sa inyo ni tita Laura at buong buhay kong tatanawin iyon. Parang binigyan niyo na po ako ng pangalawang buhay. Hindi niyo po akong tinratong iba sa pamilya niyo. Twenty years old na po ako at ilan taon na din akong nandito, kaya ko na pong tumayo sa sarili kong mga paa. Ayaw ko naman pong sabihin niyong inaabuso ko na ang kabutihan niyo sa akin."

"No, Derek, kahit kailan hindi sumagi sa isip namin 'yan. You're like a son we never had."

Tisoy smiled at Dad but his eyes said differently. "Tito Ben, ikaw po ang nagpakita sa akin ng pagmamahal ng isang ama. I'll always be grateful for that. Pero siguro panahon na po para umalis na ako. Marami po akong bagay na gustong malaman tungkol sa pagkatao ko, sa... sa totoong pamilya ko, gusto ko pong hanapin ang sarili ko."

"Nakausap mo na ba ang tita Laura mo?" He sighed defeatedly.

I saw Tisoy shake his head. 

"She's going to be heart broken." Dad's face dropped. "Kung gusto mo talagang umalis, wala naman akong magagawa. Hindi na kita pipigilan pero tandaan mo palaging bukas ang pinto namin para sa'yo."

"Opo, tito. Pangako po, babalik ako. Babalikan ko kayo kapag okay na ang lahat. Mababayaran ko din po kayo sa lahat ng kabutihang ginawa niyo para sa akin." 

"Derek, ang utang na loob hindi sinisingil at hindi binabayaran." Dad said with a slight smile on his face. "You do what you have to do. Mabait kang bata at matalino, alam kong malayo ang mararating mo."

My heart felt like it dropped into my gut. I felt hot tears forming in the corner of my eyes. I took in a deep breath. 

Don't cry, Mallory.

“Mallory.” Derek said in the intercom.

I stopped typing and pressed the intercom so that he could hear me speak. “Yes, sir?”

“Can you come into my office, please?” He asked.

“Coming.” Agad na sagot ko.

This was the most we’d spoken in several days. I tried to have as minimal interaction with him as possible— nothing more than a good morning or hello. I tried to remind myself that I was just here for the paycheck. Kapag nakaipon na ako nang sapat na pera, aalis na ako dito.

I stood up from my seat and walked towards the door to Derek’s office. I pushed the door handle down and stepped inside his office. Derek sitting behind his desk and was going through some files.

“Did you want anything from me?” I asked, trying to sound as casual as I could.

He lifted his head up to look at me. “Uh, yeah… can you help me organize these files?”

I walked up to him. There was a box of files on top of his desk.

“Sa gilid ng files may mga pangalan. Just arrange it in alphabetical order.” He said.

I nodded my head, quietly taking the box. He told me to get comfortable and sit on the couch in his office. Umupo ako doon dala-dala ang mga files at ipinatong ko iyon sa coffee table na nasa harap ng couch.

I started arranging the files. Makaraan ang ilang sandali, nangawit ako at nag-unat. I gazed at Derek who was busy with his computer. My eyes wandered around the room and a picture hanging on the left of the room caught my attention.

It was a family picture of Dad, Mom, him and I. We used to have family pictures taken every year. The one hanging on his wall was the last picture we’d taken with him. Dad and him were in a suit while Mom and I were our formal dresses.

I got up from my seat and took a closer look.

“Our family picture.” He suddenly said.

I turned my head to him. “Why do you still have this?”

“Why wouldn’t I still have that?” He chuckled. “Your family is the only family I’ve ever had.”

My face hardened. “Then why did you leave? Mom and dad wanted you to stay.”

“But I had to go. I did it for you.”

“You did it for yourself, you selfish prick!” Mariin na sabi ko. “Duwag ka kasi!”

“Siguro nga tama ka.” He quietly said. Tumayo siya mula sa kinauupuan niya at lumapit sa akin. “I knew if I don’t leave, we’d either end up getting caught or you getting pregnant. You were so young, Mallory, and I couldn’t take the risk. Nahihiya din ako kina tito at tita sa mga pinagagawan natin kaya pinili ko na lang umalis.”

“Liar! Umalis ka kasi sawa ka na sa buhay mo kasama kami. Katulad ko, pagkatapos mo akong pagsawaan tintrato mo akong parang basura— hindi pala, you treated me worse than trash. You treated me like I don’t even exist.” I swallowed a sob.

“No… no, Mallory. You’re wrong. Don’t ever say that. Hindi ako umalis dahil nagsawa ako sa buhay na kasama kayo. Nagsimula ako sa wala at hindi ako natatakot bumalik sa wala. Isang bagay lang ang kinatatakot kong mawala sa akin; ikaw. Hindi kita pinagsawaan. Iniwasan kita kasi alam kong hindi ko kayang kontrolin ang sarili ko kapag nandyan ka.” He cupped my face and made me look at him. “I love you… I’ve loved you for a long time. I’ve loved you even when I still didn’t know what love was.”

“Then why didn’t you come back? Where were you when I needed you?” My voice shook as I felt my walls slowly fall.

“Kasi gusto ko kapag bumalik ako, may maipagmamalaki na ako. Nakilala ko ang totoong ama ko, nalaman niya ang tungkol sa akin at pinahanap ako dahil ako na lang ang nag-iisa niyang anak,gusto niya na ako ang magpatuloy nang negosyo niya. Pinag-aral niya ako sa magandang eskwelahan sa Europe at nang makatapos ako bumalik ako dito. I came back for you and for tito Ben and tita Laura.” Then he dropped his gaze. “Doon ko lang nalaman ang nangyari sa mga magulang mo.”

Mom and Dad had a car accident which instantly killed Mom and left Dad paralyzed. Eventually, Dad succumbed to complications from the accident and died.

“Nakita ko pa si tito Ben sa ospital… Nakausap ko pa siya…” He took in a deep breath as if steadying himself. “Nangako akong tutulungan ko kayo, na hindi kita pababayaan. And then when I came back he was no longer there. I tried to find you, I really did…”

I closed my eyes as I felt him press a kiss on my forehead.

“I love you so much, Mallory.” He whispered.

I tilted my head up and his lips found mine. We’d made love again, making up for all the years lost. We’d found our way back to each other’s arms.

“Am I forgiven?” He asked, breaking the silence between us. Inangat ko ang ulo kong nakaunan sa malapad na dibdib niya.

I cocked a brow at him. “Ganon na lang yun? After leaving me for ten years? It’ll take more than an orgasm for me to forgive you.”

He chuckled, his fingers traced my spine. “Ano’ng gusto mong gawin ko?”

“Aba, ewan ko! Ako ba ang humihingi ng tawad?” I said, trying hard not to smile.

He laughed and after awhile his laughter died down. Seryosong tumingin siya sa akin. He made sure our eyes did not lose contact. “Now that I finally have you, I’ll never let you go again, Mallory.”

And I believed him. I closed my eyes and let myself melt back into his arms.

Pagpasok ko sa trabaho may naghihintay nang isang bouquet ng bulaklak sa ibabaw ng mesa ko. I couldn’t help but smile. I picked up the bouquet and took the time to smell it.

I noticed the card sticking out of the blooms and opened the little paper.

Good morning, beautiful. I love you. Have a lovely day ahead.

I bit my lower lip to keep me from smiling like an idiot as I looked at the paper but it was no use. Hindi ko mapigilan ang mapangiti. I felt like a teenager all over again.

I looked at the door to his office. Nagdadalawang isip ako kung pupuntahan ko ba siya para pasalamatan. After a few seconds, I decided to give in. I slowly walked to his door. Every step made my heart beat a little faster. I pulled down the handle, I pushed the door a little and what I saw made me pull it back with the door opened just enough to peak in.

The smile on my face disappeared when I saw Ellen sitting on the very same couch we’d made love on yesterday.

“Ano bang problema?” Derek asked, standing in front of Ellen with hands inside his pocket. “Hindi naman ako manghuhula, Ellen. Tell me what’s wrong?”

Tears began to spill down her cheeks. “Derek, I’m… pregnant.”

I took in a sharp breath. I felt like the world collapsed under my feet.

“What?” He roared in surprise. “You’re what?”

“I’m pregnant, goddammit! Ano ba? Nakikinig ka ba sa akin?” She angrily snapped her head up.

“Yeah… of course…” He raked his fingers through his hair and sat next to her. “What are you planning to do… what are we going to do?”

I slowly and quietly closed the door. I could feel a sob coming up my throat as tears stung my eyes. I had to cover my mouth to keep the sob in.

My entire body lightly shook. Barely visible at first then harder. I clutched my chest so hard, like I had to free my heart from my ribs or it would break break beyond repair.

Don’t cry, Mallory.

Chapter Eleven

Last chapter

“This is the last dinner we’ll spend together.” Mom said with a distinct sadness in her voice. “Are you sure you want to leave?”

“Opo, sigurado na po ako.” Tisoy answered before looking at me. I gave him a glare and averted my attention to my plate.

“We’ve taken care of you for many years. Parang anak na rin ang turing namin sa’yo. Basta kapag may kailangan ka huwag kang mahihiyang lumapit sa amin. We’re here for you. Always remember that.” Mom said, forcing a smile.

“Oo naman po, tita.” Tisoy smiled back at her.

“Bibisita ka dito, ha?” Dad said.

Tisoy nodded at him. I could feel the sorrow hanging in there as I silently ate my dinner. I tried to ignore it but it felt really heavy. I had to stand from my seat as they chatted and I knew I had to leave. Wala rin naman akong gana kumain. I couldn’t focus on my food cause all I could feel was the heaviness in my chest and the feel of my heart dropping to the pit of my stomach.

“O, Mallory. Tapos ka na?” Dad asked.

“Yeah…” Tipid na sagot ko. “I’m going to my room. Marami pa akong kailangan tapusin.”

“Hindi ba makakapaghintayan yan? Tisoy’s leaving tomorrow.” Mom said.

“Then let him leave. The door’s open for him.” I sarcastically smirked. “Kung gusto niyang umalis, paalisin niyo na siya. We don’t need him here.”

“Mallory…” Mahinang awat ni mom.

“Why should we care if he wants to leave? Hindi niya na tayo kailangan kaya aalis na siya. Hindi din natin siya kailangan.”

“Enough, Mallory!” Dad said in an authorative voice.

I threw a sharp look at Tisoy, he was looking at me when I looked at him but his eyes quickly lowered. I suddenly felt a pang in my chest. I hated him now as much as I loved him before but God, I knew I was going to miss him.

“I’m going to my room.” Sabi ko bago tumalikod mula sa kanila.

I went to my room and threw my body on the bed. I didn’t know how long I’d been staring absently at the ceiling. My mind wandered elsewhere.

Finally, mawawala na din siya sa buhay ko. Hindi ko na siya makikita. I didn’t know what would hurt more, seeing the man who broke my heart everyday or not seeing him at all. I did my best to keep my eyes dry but nothing I do could dull the ache in my chest.

Don’t cry, Mallory. I repeated over and over in my head like a mantra.

Namalayan ko lang na nakatulog na pala ako nang magising ako sa katok sa pinto. It was already morning. The sun was shining through the window in my room. I just wanted to sleep… that was what I intended to do the whole day.

I didn’t want to see him go.

I grabbed a pillow and covered my face with it, trying to go back to dream land. I groaned when I heard the knock again. For Christ’s sake, it was a Sunday… at ito ang araw na aalis na si Tisoy. Couldn’t they just leave me alone?

“Go away!” I shouted to whoever it was.

“Mallory…” Dumilat ako nang marinig ko ang boses niya. “Mal, I just want to say goodbye to you.”

I felt a new ache enter the hollow in the pit of my stomach. I found myself sitting up and hugging my knees to my chest. So this was it. He really was going to leave.

“I know you don’t want to see me.” Patuloy niya. “Gusto ko lang magpaalam sa’yo at humingi ng tawad. I’m sorry. I know I’ve hurt you and that’s not what I wanted to happen. I’m hurting to but this is the right thing to do. Mallory, if you’re listening please don’t ever think that all the things that happened to us was just nothing to me. I treasure every moment I had with you.”

I felt like I’d forgotten how to breathe. I swallowed down the lump forming in my throat and choked on air like it had somehow gone down the wrong pipe.

“Please take care of yourself while I’m gone.” His voice seemed to quiver. “Don’t get yourself into trouble ’cause I won’t be around to get you out of it anymore. Hintayin mo ako, Mallory. Babalik ako. Babalikan kita at hindi na kita iiwan.”

No matter how much I tried to hardened myself emotional, it still hurt. I tightly closed my eyes and buried my face into my knees, rocking back and forth.

Just don’t listen. Don’t accept. That’s how I’d keep myself from crying. Refuse to feel a thing.


~~~

I waited for just like he told me to. I may not have done it conciously but I waited for him. There had never been a man after him because I waited. Hinintay ko siyang bumalik. I waited for ten long years kahit na alam kong walang kasiguraduhan ang sinabi niyang babalik siya.

He kept his words, he came back pero may iba na siya. What was worst is that they were going to have a baby. Bumalik lang siya para lokohin ako at pagmukhain akong tanga. I felt like the wound in my heart had been reopened and sprinkled with salt.

I went straight home and threw myself on the bed. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath, trying to lift that heavy weight off my chest. Binigyan ko ang sarili ko nang konting oras para makarecover. I was at fault here. Kasalanan ko kung bakit nangyayari sa akin ito at kung bakit ako nasasaktan ngayon. I was stupid to believe him.

I decided to leave. Hindi naman tama na ipagsiksikan ko pa ang sarili ko sa kanya. I did it before and I wasn’t going to do it again.

I started packing my things up. As I was packing, my phone started ringing. Hindi ko ito pinansin. I just looked at my phone as it rang non-stop. I was getting text messages that I didn’t bother reading and calls I didn’t answer. I knew it was just Derek. I didn’t want to talk with him or even hear his voice.

After about half an hour, the doorbell started to ring but I ignored it.

“Mallory!” He started banging profusely on the door. “Kapag hindi ka nagsalita, ipabubukas ko itong pinto!”

“LEAVE!” Lumapit ako sa pinto para marinig niya ako. “Leave me alone!”

“Ano bang nangyayari sa’yo? Open the door!!!”

“Just leave! I don’t want to see you!” I swallowed back the sob rising from my throat.

“What the hell is happening to you? Akala ko ba okay na tayo? Mallory, please don’t do this to me.” He sounded as if he was begging. “Let me in…”

“No!” I tried hard to keep my voice from shaking. “Umalis ka na lang! Iwan mo na ako!”

“I’m not going to do it again. I won’t ever leave you again.” May diin na sabi niya. “Hinding-hindi na mangyayari iyon.”

“This was a mistake. Hindi na dapat tayo nagkita. I shouldn’t have agreed to this.” I leaned my back on the door as I felt my legs turning into jelly. I felt like the gravity was pulling me down as I slid on a sitting position. “Bakit ba bumalik ka pa sa buhay ko? I was okay without you…”

“Mal, I made a promise. I keep my words.” He said.

“You can take your words and shove it up your ass. Ayaw ko nang makita ka. I’m quitting my job and I’m leaving this condo unit.”

“Fuck, Mallory! Ano bang problema?” That was the first time I had heard him this angry. “Hindi ako aalis at hindi kita hahayaan umalis. You’re mine! You’ve always been mine and we both know it.”

“Just leave.” This time my voice choked up a bit as I felt the pressure in my chest squeeze my heart a little tighter.

“I love you, Mallory. Ano bang kailangan kong gawin para maniwala ka?” He said in a tired sigh.

Refuse to feel a thing.

That was what I told myself ten years ago when he was saying goodbye. I closed my eyes and tears fell from my eyes. It was happening all over again. I was going to lose him again…

It was my fault, I know. Ako ang nagpaalis sa kanya.

But when he was saying goodbye, I wanted to stop him then. I wanted to jump out of my bed, open the door and throw my arms around him. I wanted to beg him not to leave. I wanted to tell him that I want to stay but I was too proud. Pride was the only thing I was holding onto at that time. It was all that was left of me after he broke me.

My heart gets prideful at times and pretend to dislike what it needs the most. I couldn’t make that same mistake again. I spent ten years regretting that moment and I wasn’t going to spend the rest of my life regretting this too.

I pulled myself up and opened the door for him. I saw him sitting next to the floor, his back leaning against the wall. He looked up at me with with his sad honey brown eyes, his eyes were red as if he was holding his tears back. Then he quickly got up and stood in front of me.

“Mallory, I can’t lose you again.” He cupped my face in his hands. Tears fell from his eyes and he spoke tenderly. “I don’t know how I would survive that. When I left you ten years ago, I felt like I left a piece of my soul behind with you. Ngayon nandito ka na, hindi na kita pakakawalan. I’ll do everything you want me to do, kahit ano, just don’t ask me to leave you again.”

“What about Ellen? I heard you and Ellen talking in the office. Buntis siya.” Paos ang tinig na sabi ko. I was trying hard to hold my tears in.

“What does that have to do with us?” His face crumpled with confusion.

“Hindi mo pananagutan ang bata?” My eyes narrowed at him.

“Mal, ano bang pinagsasabi mo? Ellen’s my sister.” He quietly said.

My eyes widened in shock at what he said. I opened my mouth but no words came out so I closed it again.

He then broke into laughter. He placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. “You thought I was the one who got her pregnant?” He said with an amused tone.

I slowly nodded my head, feeling a bit embarrassed. His laughter died down and he pulled me towards him.

“She’s my mother’s daughter with her third partner.” Seryosong sabi niya. “Matagal nang wala si Emily. She died a couple of years ago and since then, ako na ang nag-alaga kay Ellen.”

“I really thought…” I buried my face in his chest. Hindi ko na napigilan humikbi. “Akala ko mawawala ka na naman sa akin. I don’t want to lose you anymore.”

“That’s never going to happen again, Mallory.” He whispered with gentle voice. “Never again.”

“I love you, too.” I sniffled. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For everything. For not stopping you from leaving ten years ago. I wanted you to stay… I didn’t mean what I said nung sinabi kong gusto kitang umalis.” I sobbed.

“It’s alright, Mal, I understand. Nasaktan kita. I never meant to hurt you but I did.”

“Hindi ba sabi mo sa akin noon, hintayin kita. I did, I waited for you…” I lifted my head up to look at him and smiled despite the tears.

I didn’t know how but we ended up in bed. His hands wandered all over my body with expert familiarity. He was kissing me furiously. It was hungry and desperate, full of wants and needs. Not hurting me, but still rough and deep. I could his tongue exploring the insides of my mouth, brushing against my tongue. I answered him back, mimicking the same intensity of his kiss. Our tongues swirled against each other while his hand started sliding inside my shirt. 

He cupped my breast and squeezed it. I moaned, feeling his warm hand massaging me. He grew impatient and pulled my shirt over my head and threw it on the floor. Sinunod niya ang pangloob ko. He unhooked my bra, throwing it on the floor like he did to my shirt. He bent his head down, giving each of my nipples a gentle peck and softly bit the last he kissed. He played with my nipple with his teeth, softly grazing it.

His hand move down to my skirt and he pushed it down along with my panties. He took it off effortlessly. My whole body shuddered at the touch of his hot palm against my femenity.

“Tisoy…” I moaned.

“I like it when you call me Tisoy.” He murmured against my breast.

His finger found my clit and circled it in wide stroke. I gasped when he held it in between his two fingers and give it a gentle squeeze.

“Please, Tisoy…” I whimpered.

I felt a finger sliding inside me which made me moan even louder.

“You’re so wet… I need to be inside you, Mallory. I need you now.” He said through labored breath.

I watched as he unbuttoned his shirt, revealing his toned and musculine body. Sinunod niya ang pang-ibaba niya. He pulled down his pants and boxers in one swift motion. He opened my legs a little wider and positioned himself.

He cupped my buttocks, lifting my legs up to his waist and not wasting any second, he plunge inside me and in that moment we were one.

Naalimpungatan ako at hinanap ko ang init ng katawan ni Derek. My hand reached out for him but all I could feel was the warm bedsheet beside me. I opened my eyes and let my vision adjust to the surrounding. I saw Derek sitting on the end of the bed with his masculine back turned to me.

A smile crept across my lips. I carefully crawled to where he was and hugged him from the back.

“What are you doing?” I whispered to his ear as my arms wrapped around his torso. I gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“You still have this.” He turned his head to look at me. Itinaas niya ang kamay niya para ipakita sa akin ang hawak niya. It was the paper crane he gave to me when we were little. Dilaw na ang kulay ng dating puting papel dahil sa pagkaluma.

“Yes, I’ve kept it.” I said.

“I made nine hundred and ninety nine of these.” He smiled.

“That’s alot.” I giggled, resting my chin on his shoulder.

“Sabi nila kapag nakagawa ka daw ng isang libo nito, matutupad ang kahit anong hilingin mo. Hindi ko ginawa ang huling paper crane dahil natatakot akong malaman kung totoo ba iyon o hindi. I know I’d be very disappointed if I make the last one and my wish doesn’t come true. Can I please have this back so I can make my wish?”

I chuckled. “Sige na, ibinabalik ko na sa’yo yan. Ano ba ang wish mo?”

“Bata pa lang tayo, I’ve always felt something special for you.” A nostalgic smile appeared on his lips. “I was a kid but I knew the feelings I have for you is something I won’t ever feel for anyone. And that feeling only grew as I got older and older. I remember looking at you and thinking you’re going to be the girl I’m going to marry someday. But I knew at that time, it was all just wishful thinking. You didn’t like me then.”

“Tisoy…” I murmured, brushing my nose against his neck. “I’ve always loved you. I didn’t like you but I’ve always loved you. Natatakot lang ako sa nararamdaman ko noon para sa’yo. I was a girl and I didn’t know how to deal with those feelings.”

He took my hand and intwined it with his before bringing to his lips to kiss my hand.

“Mal, ikaw lang ang makakatupad ng hinihiling ko. Ilang taon kong hinintay na dumating ang araw na maitanong ko sa’yo ito.” He took in a deep breath and my heart began to beat fast. Mayroon na akong idea kung ano ang itatanong niya sa akin. “Mallory del Prado, will you be my wife?”

“Oh my god, Tisoy!” Naluluhang sabi ko.

He shifted his body, turning to face me.

“Hindi ko inaasahan gagawin ko ngayon ’to. I don’t have any ring with me but I promise I’ll buy you one. Please, just say yes.”

“Of course! Yes! Yes, I’ll marry you.” I got really excited and threw my arms around him. We fell from the bed to the floor with me on top of him.

---

Author’s note:

Hi guys,

Gusto ko lang malaman niyo na itong The Seven Deadly Sinners Series, maikli lang talaga ang mga kwento. Pinakamarami na sa series na ito ang 20 chapters. Puro mga short stories lang talaga sila. I hope you enjoyed Mallory and Derek’s story. :) 

Last chapter na ito pero may kasunod pang epilogue.

Epilogue

I walked into Derek’s office and found him sitting in front of his computer. Araw-araw ko siyang pinupuntahan para dalhan ng lunch sa opisina minsan naman kumakain kaming dalawa sa restaurant. Today I made him some chicken sandwich and ceasar salad.

“Good afternoon, sir.” I playfully said.

He lifted his head up and smiled when he saw me. Huminto ako sa harap ng table niya at inilapag ang dala kong lunch container.

“Ginawan kita ng chicken sandwich at salad.”

“Halika nga dito.” He gestured for me to come over to him.

I walked around his desk and stood next to his swivel chair. He turned his chair to face me and pulled me to sit on his lap.

“Dapat nagpapahinga ka na lang sa bahay at nagpipinta. Why don’t you make another painting so I could hang it here in my office. Lumalaki na si baby.” He stroked my protuding belly. He was the happiest man I had ever seen when we both found out I was pregnant. Ipinagbubuntis ko pa lang ang baby namin sobrang alaga niya na sa akin. I could only imagine how he’d be like once the baby comes out. 

“Nagmumukha na ngang museum itong office mo at saka isa pa, gusto ko kasama kita maglunch.” I smiled, affectionately burying my face into his neck.

“You’re still not craving for anything?”

“No…” I answered.

“Wala pa rin morning sickness?” He asked again. Simula kasi nang magbuntis ako, hindi na kami nag-aabot sa umaga. By the time I wake up, he’s already gone to work.

“Thankfully, wala din.” Sabi ko. “Bukod sa matakaw lang ako sa tulog, wala naman akong ibang nararamdaman. Buti nga hindi maselan ang pagbubuntis ko.”

“Really? You’re almost four months pregnant.” He said, disappointment evident in his voice.

Tumaas ang ulo ko para tignan siya. “O bakit parang di ka natutuwa?”

“Wala lang. I guess I just want to feel like a real soon to be dad.” He sighed and then he suddenly smiled while shaking his head. “I want to experience you waking me up in the middle of the night to buy you whatever food you’re craving or to hold your hair while you’re vomiting in the toilet bowl, you know, things husband’s do for their pregnant wives.”

I let out a small laugh. “My only craving is you. Gusto ko palagi kitang nakikita. And I love the smell of you even more.”

“Really?” He grinned sheepishly.

“Really.” I said, playfully biting his ear lobe. He tilted my head to give me a passionate and gentle kiss on the lips. When we both pulled away, we were out of breath.

“I’m so lucky for having you as my wife and the mother of my child.” He said. 

“Mas maswerte ako sa’yo. You’ve loved me even at my worst.” I nuzzled his cheek and placed a gentle kiss on it. “Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve you.”

“What are you talking about?” His brows crumpled. “We deserve each other. Just you and me. I love every piece of you. I love your extremes, your faults, your flaw… everything.”

“Tisoy…” I sighed with content. “I love you too.”

So this is our story. As flawed and skewed as it was, we found each other again.  Fate gave us a chance but the choice was entirely ours. So far, the most wonderful choice I made in my life was to stay with him forever.