Land of the Damned

Land of the Damned

I walk down these halls

Trying to find a room with no walls

Broken and close to being beat

A fatherless child I seem to be

A bastard, for I am, is the term I’ve come to grips with

Also as in this reality, I also am in a loveless relationship

With the one whom I love most in this life

To think I had hopes to have her as my wife

I walk down these gloomy halls

Trapped in a world with barred walls

Living with this Demoniac

Whom I am supposed to call dad

I consider him a son-less father,

But let’s not forget his tyrant of a daughter

And my emulous mother

Waging war with my fascistic lover

I walked down these caged halls

Trying to find a room with no walls

A place with no cells

An exit from this hell

This prison I live in sin

Trapped with this Dysfunctional kin

But what do I feel inside my bones?

A hate filled demon lies dormant in my soul

Waiting to break through these wretched walls

hoping to destroy these caged in halls

To find peace of mind, my Shiloh

I must crawl out of this deprecated hole

But I remain in this place so unhallow

Trapped in this Land of the Damned,my Home

Thoughts of Depression and Insanity

Glimpse inside my Head

There is a man who lives inside me

He tears at my heart every time he speaks

One wish is to let him take a leave

For he has made my eyes bleed

The crimson overtakes my vision I can not see

I cry out for a memory

A time that was so clean

A flawless moment of purity

It is this time that has ended due to me

And my adulterated insanity

Depression from Ire

Deep behind these anger filled eyes

There is a tormented boy who tends to cry

Crying out for the forgotten times

Becoming ire, he screams at the sight

Seeing he falls for the lies

Surrendering is the boy on the outside

Black Sky

You are my black sky

My only black sky

You make me gloomy

When times are bright

You know I hate you

My only black sky

You will be the cause of my suicide

Valley of Ashes

Valley of Ashes

I go to a place, a place of which I call home

A place of memory that cannot be erased

The Valley of Ashes is where I roam

Valley of Ashes

For this is my Kingdom

Where I am able to look through the past

For I am not alone

Remembrance of times that couldn’t last,

Lost memories and flashbacks are welcome.

They swim through the ash.

When they rise they are as clear as glass

Here in the valley, a slogan we have

“Remember the good times forget the bad”

It seems I can’t remember the good times

I try hard to forget the bad

I try to forget the lies, as well as the times that were crass

But the bad times seems to be all I had

I live in the center

In the Valley’s heart

Remembering is my mentor

What he teaches is hard

For I am the tree

In the heart of ashes

The tree of memory

Memories unfold in the leaves of my branches

I am easy to see

I’ve grown big and can not be burnt with matches

My roots are the bad times I keep beneath

They grip tight to my trunk; oh, how it wrenches

They will never leave it seem

No matter what happens

They are my roots of depression

Underneath this Valley of Ashes

Feelings

Paranoia

Vol. 1 of 5

I can not break free the noise

Of the shouting boy

The nemesis in me

He is one of bestial manner

I can not control his savage behavior

He plants and grows images in me

I can not help but see

The images in my mind; so disturbing

Such torment he bestows onto me

He causes me to gain relentless rage

When he is not making my already empty heart bleed

He is taking the only peace I gain

Paranoid that the once better days will leave

He pushes the paranoia though the inner chambers of my brain

Leave it be I say to he

Leave me with my memories

But he will not leave me be

This is what frightens me

The images will never leave

This too brings the tremble to my knees

My dry cracking heart continues to bleed

And thus far I can’t help but be paranoid

From the noise of the shouting boy

Paranoia

Vol. 1.5 of 5

Gray skies fall over the greedy peers

What calms the monster

better than a murder’s tears

With a Hunger for vengeance

from an absent crime

Her heart is mine he yells

her heart is mine

But to whom gets the beautiful rose

None but another man he thinks

It seems paranoia grows

This supposed man she loves

A friend to the dormant foe

A wolf in sheep’s cloth

As the expression is told

The woman he loves

A love simple and true

She once saves his life

A regret she can’t undo

He tries to make her happy

He tries to make her stay

but with disgust on her lips

she says not today

He sees her love go to the open arms of a friend

What isn’t there he sees

And thus the beginning of the end

Blinded, Paranoia has made him crass

With no other option apparent

he has gone mad

Splintered is his crippled mind

Between thoughts of guilt

Is a yearning for homicide…

With soft sighs in a moments breath

The clock struck midnight

And his hands dealt death

A corpse now lays

Where a friend once was

His faux nemesis covered in blood

From jealous thoughts come bitter rage

Murderous hands leave a bitter taste

Will he ever put paranoia in its cage…

Not today she said

Not today

Helpless

Vol. 2 of 5

I feel so helpless

How may I be of service?

I feel so helpless

I know not the advice to give

I feel so helpless

Why do you cut your skin?

I feel so helpless

Please stop cutting, just live

I feel so helpless

I hurt the deeper you get

I feel so helpless

Do thou know you are committing a sin?

I feel so helpless

So much sadness hides within

I feel so helpless

Please do not leave little kin

Stay with me

I feel so helpless

I cry all night; never do I sleep

I feel so helpless

Afraid to wake and find you dead

I feel so helpless

Let me help with the stress

I can’t seem to rest

Thinking I am helpless

Proud

Vol. 3 of 5

How can I make you proud?

Why do you yell so loud?

To hear I love you; a wonderful sound

I only hear it when you’re drunk and down

No matter what I do it is always wrong

I know you want me just to be gone

Out of this house is the song

This is sung to me

But do not fret father, please

Soon I will be old enough to leaves

Only to be hoping in secrecy you will stop me

But no hope is left while I am in your house

Please don’t yell at me so loud

I just wanted to make you proud

Unwanted

Vol. 4 of 5

I used to feel unwanted

As though I were drifting

I felt so unwanted

Washed away by the sea

I used to feel unwanted

Though you had lost you love for me

I felt so unwantedI always was paranoid about thee

I used to feel unwanted

I can now see clearly

I am longer drifting

I no longer feel unwanted

So Enclosed

Vol. 5 of 5

Enclosed

So enclosed

I keep my feelings in this dreary house

I am the locked door

If unlocked there is a sight so sore

As outside eyes looking in at me

What do they see?

Do they see a mindless zombie?

Or simply human with no soul

I have to keep enclosed

So enclosed

For if the inside is unleashed

A burden it will be

To whomever opens me

I wish I could be a zombie

Or one with no soul

It would be a prize

Compared to what truly lies

Breathes behind this locked home

The stress to be enclosed

So enclosed

It is a burden in its own

I cannot allow anyone to see

These terrible feelings in me

They are but ones so terrible

Although I know it is my toll

To be a zombie with no soul

To me I have to be enclosed

So enclosed

Flower of Life

Flower of Life

I found out what make me hate

It is the insanity in my brain

There is death gripping at my veins

Though this insatiable rage

I slit his throat and watch the scarlet drain

The pressure centered in my chest remains

Until his flower of life wilts and fades

And hither death blooms with such grace

My hate then seems to fade

Until a few days pass away

I then wake late

Just as the moon began to rise and thus the end of day

I hear a heartbeat not wanting to fade

This beating comes from his grave

This grave of which I did create

A flower sprouted right where he lay

Could this be true or do my eyes betray

The beating grows louder with each second I waste

So with no time to hesitate

I grab forth the shovel in a tense harsh way

I start franticly rushing toward the terrain

As the beating gets louder yet again

Then as I shovel up the dirt it begins to rain

As I slosh the now muddy remains of the grave

Whispers arise in my brain

And it starts again I am once more insane

It seems that his flower of life remains

The whispers are clear as glass

And are as before the same

Such a regretful past

It is him whispering he is the best

And with the sound of my nemesis

I start digging more frantic

For the pressure is back in my chest

I get to his body it is no longer fresh

He is now hard and stiff

But though he seems dead

He still whispers in the back of my head

He is the best

Infuriated I set my dogs on the cold body of my nemesis

I watch as they rip their teeth into his flesh

After I clean up the mess

The pressure leaves my head

Although still drenched I lay in my bed

The insanity hides again

Inside my brain

I have found what makes me hate

Fingers of Destruction

Fingers of Destruction

Why do I break everything I touch?

Why do I hurt everyone I love?

I wish to take a blade and cut

Cut off these fingers of destruction

They are my burden

I do know I need them

Indeed to strangle him

To put an end

To all of this sin

I have dealt with

I wish to use them

These fingers of destruction

To cut him out of my skin

But he has his mind of corruption

And through it

I cannot win

Even with my fingers of destruction

He has me pinned

Against this wall of seclusion

He has my wrist

As he cuts away the skin

He says these wounds no one man can mend

They only get worse as time comes to an end

He harms me and others with my fingers of destruction

It is that I do trust no one

And for myself I have neither lust nor love

For my dreams I had are now dust

From my fingers of destruction

Oh I wish to cut

Cut away the fingers of destruction

Oxidize them to rust

So I will not break everything I touch

Stranger to No One

Stranger to No One

I have a secret that couldn’t last

Though a friend’s pain came to pass

Death is bitter, life is crass

As angels embrace a kindred soul

I wish she never had to let go

Of the boy from Monaco

If birth is proof of heaven

Then hell is death’s brethren

And loss cause tears to leaven

Pain is now released

For the recently deceased

Suffer no more, rest in peace

To all he showed friendship

And even though I didn’t know him

He is a stranger to no one in the end

Lossing Faith

Loss of hope

As soon as we are all born we begin to die

As we grow we are filled with lies

Lies that spill out over time

We are simply the dead carcasses that life devours

Life is no better than death

I often do wish to take my last breath

Life is no more than an infection

I often just sit waiting, praying for it to fade

As it slowly goes away

Into this scar to remind us of the once had pain

Faithless Man

Carry not, her soul

It is god who deserves to be buried

Who wears the cries to show?

Misery in me

It’s a mystery

I would gladly sell my soul

To the one who could save her?

When the systems crash

Go on reach out for your goal

Make me suffer

With shards of tainted glass

They cut right through my being

No apologies

Take ME lifeless on the slab

To God’s palace

Please let ME take her place

Let MY spirit fade

In this wooden box

Let MY body rot

Under dirt

I am cursed

A holy betrayal in God’s hands

As true as I stand

In this condemned land

We are all damned

In the end

Your God is absent

And I’m just this faithless man

Asking for a bargain

Let her live, take all I am

Life in the Making…

Life in the Making…

Remembering

I remember when I was young

I got lost at Disney land

I was frightened by the mascots and all the loud songs

It was then I was found by the ice cream man

He watched over me until my grandma came along

She took me by the hand

She had said right beside her is where I belong

As she told me this her tone made me think she was mad

I then could tell by the look in her eyes she was sad

Yet after finding me, she also seems glad

After thanking the ice cream man we left off straight back to mom and dad

Life in the Making…

Getting Older

As time passes by I find myself getting bolder

As these days get colder

I too have gotten bitter with time

Wishing to find the past and crawl inside and hide

Yes as these times get colder

I too get better as I get older

Life in the Making…

What does the Future Hold?

There you go

I will be right here waiting

All alone

Hoping for what I am craving

I have this hole

But the good times never leave me

I shall never know

What it is that the future holds?

The World I Live In/ Colors of a socieital decay

Fiction

(In regards to the Colorado shooting)

What world is this

The raven asked the bat

Fans receive deaths kiss

As bullets are spat

Reality grants fiction’s wish

Broken are the bat’s wings

As the raven screams blame

It turns to a pheonix

The night is now in flames

Murder is the song it sings

With no rhyme or reason

The comedians joke is death

Insanity is in season

Lambs rush away from the jest

As he commits treason

All peace is dead

When the joker knows our fears

Such sadness spreads

When fiction sheds blood and tears

Black White and Red

Lost and found rotten

Is the world of past

Loathed bound or forgotten

These tales of bigots forever last

Riddled is this life with decay

We are here we are now

The world of today

Has let me down

If there is no peace

And chivalry is dead

Then true is the world is see

One of black white and red

Blackened be the dawn

White is a pure life…rare

Red is hatred of the pawn

In this world of despair

Godless

Time withers pain

Or so some say

Harm always survives

If not in the body

than in the mind

Taught we are to settle

For loss

For sorrow

For End

We forever battle

For what cause?

For tomorrow?

For kin?

What a godless world we all live in.

Fable of Shades: All but Gray

Once spoke a story

A tale brought by shame

From the depths of purgatory

Black and white came

Black was the mind

White was the soul

Ash made mankind

If spirit made them whole

This creature thinks

Such things as death

And as Black blinks

Tainted their souls are left

His beloved soul

Left she is unreal

As black spoke

His words feeble

Render me useless

Left with none but grays

I’ve sent her helpless

Dirt covered she lays…

The purest of white

And Black as night

These be a Fable of Shades

All are gone

All but grays

Boars and Cattle: The Horrors of life we must battle

Cattle and Concrete

As the rich get richer and the poor begins to fill,

The middle class strive to get ahead but are left at a standstill,

Life is a Bitch and if your lucky you might marry one,

Meanwhile the taste of gunmetal lingers on desperate tongues,

Most are tempted by the trigger as their eyesight goes red,

Those tired of life rest soon after the penatration of lead,

Then there are the rest of us; Cattle starving for green,

There are few ways to get ahead in this world of Concrete

Love and War

What’s in a name?

Is it who a man was or what he became?

What happened to our childhood games?

No more hide and seek, times have changed.

We are thrown into a world so strange.

In this war for survival, we are left estranged.

Our gilded moments have all but gone away.

The lines between us have been laid

We now walk separate paths day by day

Is this love? I dare not say.

We are careened to slave for minimum wage.

Struggling until we meet our grave,

These are the times of a deserate man.

There is one place for us in these new world plans.

We the people; sacrificial lambs,

We are nothing, cattle to these corporate boars.

Who says all is fair in love and war?

The way it is and The way it should be

The world i know

why I write this poem I do not know

Maybe it’s cause it’s a way for me to let go

Of this the world i know.

Why do I want to let go?

Probably due to the reasons in the blog I last wrote

Things from money to madness

From having nobody and sadness.

To hateing everybody and having this lack of rest

From wishing I had a lack of stress.

To having this lack of sex.

Because I won’t let my heart break more than once.

I haven’t had a woman in months

and I use to think it was just a myth

but now I know what it means to have “blue balls.”

I’m getting tired of beating off.

I’m ashamed of having these extra hairy palms.

And I have this lack of funds

I’m so poor I can’t have fun with anyone. Money probably isn’t the reason why I hang out with no one

It’s because everyone hates

But we’re supposed to hang out one of these days

To tell you the truth I can’t wait

Until then I guess i’ll continue wasting away

Why am I writing this poem

To let go, I do not know

It probably has alot to do with the world i know

The world below

We should all have hope

We should all hold on close

To those we love the most

I wish it could be like the old west where people looked out for others

And money wasn’t a bother

We all could just live off the land

I also wish that there was no sex drive

that way there wouldn’t be stress on a lonely mans hand

And besides

Then my balls wouldn’t look like there is a civilization of smurfs inside

I guess I want the world below to be realized

I want love for everyone to survive

I want to walk up to a stranger in my life and tell them I love them with no lies

They wouldn’t be surprised and return a gesture with a smile

Then we would hug for a while

As though we knew eachother all of are lives

Like we were intertwined

That is the world I want to know

The world below

Fact versus Fiction

Fact

life is shitty

Fiction

life is pretty

Fact

i’m a jackass

Fiction

i care about the feelings u might have

Fact

all human beings are fuckups in my eyes

Fiction

someday all men will keep peace in mind

Fact

nothing will ever change for the better

Fiction

happiness will find u wherever

Fact

there are no such things as feilds of dreams

Fiction

Dreams don’t just happen while asleep

i wish to go away

to that place

in my mind

where i could live life

no facts attached

Love Appropriatley

LOVE is…

LOVE is a fucking lie

LOVE is a fucking waste of time

LOVE is not kind

LOVE is a fucking joke

LOVE is a way to get tears to flow

LOVE is a way to get your heart broke

LOVE is a fucking pain

LOVE is to blame

LOVE is hate

LOVE is…

Upside to heartache

What is the upside to heartache?

There is no upside you say

Well i beg to debate

See after all the pain…

After all the bullshit goes away

Well…truth is it never fades

Your heart just becomes numb to it

And your head gets dumb to it

You then realize

You can’t even cry

You can’t shead a f**king tear

No emotion to show these peers

You feel like a total jackass

When you’re by people full of sadness

You can’t show the tiniest speck of remorse

You should be happy, it could be worse…

Infact u could have just enough pain

That your heart can’t fake

It’s ok to belive promises they make

Those lies they intend to keep you take

Because you are numb to the never fading pain

And that is the upside of heartache

Of All the Stupid Rules

Marching, Soldiers cross enemy lines

Badge of authority stained by lies

 Floors made of eggshells force toes to tip by

Fear of all the stupid rules we must abide

Politics wear their dicks on their sleeves

Fucking “we the people” with revelry

While sinners pray for their toxic remedy

Saints preach of all the stupid rules of an absent deity

Be it the dreams of death or dulcinea

whispers of both, thoughts of sweet  amnesia

infections spread through ideas

Mouths of others force feed diarrea

The World I see, a feculent pool

Money forces we sordid swines to duel

This is life, power given to close-minded fools

Of all the stupid rules

Amorality

Ignorance the woes you are the world

Innocence stolen from the youth

Fucked you are whores, legs unfurled

Tucked broken, lies cover the truth

Humanity begotten chaos

From the start infancy a mistake

Vanity forgotten not

Until the end, litany of bigots and fakes

Sodimize the saints

who speak not of salvation

Sleep, as murderous paints

Spill over this nation

Amoral am I

Council for the bawdy

knowing truly, genocide

never hurt anybody

Cleanse the Filth

Burning hues of vibrant yellow and red

Destruction comes to this world in the form of humanity

Never-ending chaos and dread

As we construct ourselves as fallen angels to create vanity

Where is the truth

Where is the end

Gone it is here

under the flesh

Decaying meat

The truth is death

When I ask

When

Will we be wiped clean by sweet oblivion

Please Bleach free the stain of life

When will we become silence

When will you see hindsight

Let corpses litter the ground

The world needs its sleep

Let her live or burn in peace

When will it end

When I ask

When

Freedom of Freedom

Freedom of Freedom

Taking the blow, my siren screams fall on lame ears

Do I speak from a silent mind?

Or do we take the rapping with masochistic pleasure

We are given a freedom barren from truth and bursting of lies

Men of honor send innocence to Satan’s abyss

While a patriotic anarchist’s words are cast aside

Middle class is cast into gutters of shit and piss

So men given stature can bleed the finance of a nation dry

Mothers end their unborn children to free them of life

In Regards to the fate of the fetus

 A regrettable yet appropriate homicide

Rape is forgiven and theft is overlooked

And we the free remain so long as we obey these crimes

Heinousness underlying the laws set

To benefit those who wrote them

What we need is a freedom of freedom

Says a man dying against his better judgment

Freedom from that which makes us slaves

Freedom…a virtuous word with no meaning, neither in this life nor on this day

Will we ever truly have a choice?

Until death a freedom false remains

The man brings his rotting corpse to rest

 As the deceiving light in his eyes fade

He whispers his last breathe

King of my kingdom come

 Grant me freedom my lord…

…freedom