Ruthless 1: She Touched the Untouchable

VESPERLUX · 52 chapters · 13,807 words

Wattpad Originals Announcement

Hello everyone!

I’m beyond excited to announce that Ruthless 1: She Touched the Untouchable

has officially been selected as part of Wattpad Originals !

I still remember writing this story out of boredom, never imagining it would one day become a Wattpad Original. Words can’t express how thankful I am to all of you. This achievement is not mine alone; it’s ours. Every comment, vote, and message has been a part of this journey. I truly wouldn’t have made it this far without your endless love and support. My heart is overflowing with gratitude.

For now, She Touched the Untouchable will be drafted for editing purposes, but it will return soon-this time with two additional bonus chapters , including one about Divina!

Please continue to support me, as well as Malrick and Solana’s journey. Your love and encouragement mean the world to me.

Lover,

Vesper

PROLOGUE

Tinatanaw ko ang malawak na palayan sa harap ko. The wind felt cool. The sun wasn’t harsh on my skin. Pero habang nakatitig ako, may mabigat sa dibdib ko. I couldn’t tell if it was sadness or shame.

May mga magsasakang nag-aararo. Their clothes were soaked in sweat. Mud clung to their shoes, and their hands trembled from exhaustion. Yet they smiled. As if sanay na sila. As if it’s normal for their backs to nearly break from work, while people in the city complain over the smallest things.

And me? I was just standing there, watching them. I didn’t know if I should admire them or feel ashamed. Kasi sila, kahit pagod, they could still smile. But me? Kahit maliit na abala lang, I already wanted to give up.

I closed my eyes when I breathed in the fresh air and heard the chirping of birds. Peace. Finally.

Pero napamulat agad ako ng ang mga mata. Parang may tumama sa balakang ko nang hindi ko inaasahan.

“N-nanay Moning! Naaayyy! Manganganak na ho yata ako!” sigaw ko.

Napaluha ako at hindi ko na kayang itago ang pangamba. Dito lang ako manganganak sa bahay. Walang doktor. Walang kama, ni kahit gamot ay wala rin.

Ang ospital? Apat na oras pa bago marating ang lungsod, at kahit gustuhin man naming pumunta, wala rin kaming pera.

I closed my eyes, but not to relax or calm down, only to avoid seeing what I feared the most. Losing my life… or worse, losing my baby.

Every wave of pain felt like a knock on death’s door, a reminder that no matter how strong I was, some things were simply beyond my control.

God, please… not now. Not here. Not like this. I was shaking from the pain. Another wave hit, parang may humahaplos sa bituka ko gamit ang blade.

“Tasyong!” sigaw ni Nanay Moning habang nagmamadaling kumuha ng kumot. “Ihanda ang mainit na tubig at palanggana, manganganak na si Inday Sol!

They moved quickly. They helped me get inside the nipa house and gently laid me down. They soaked towels in hot water and placed them on my belly. It was warm. Comforting. But the pain didn’t lessen, not even a little.

I was an intern nurse. I was supposed to know how to handle things like this. Supposed to stay calm. Supposed to be ready.

But right now? I was just scared. I didn’t have anyone else here. Just Nanay Moning and Tatay Tasyo and even if they tried their best, this wasn’t something warm water and old prayers could fix.

“Day Solana, uminom ka nitong hilaw na itlog para hindi mahirapan lumabas ang bata,” sabi ni Nanay Moning, hawak-hawak ang baso na nanginginig na rin.

Hindi na ako nagtanong. Wala na akong lakas.

Ganito rin ang ginawa ng ilang taga-rito nang sila’y manganak. Sana effective. Kahit hindi ako naniniwala, kahit may duda pa rin ako sa loob, tinanggap ko.

Kasi sa ngayon, kaunting pag-asa lang ang meron ako. At kakapit na ako roon.

Manganganak ako rito nang walang anesthesia. Kaya sana, umepekto yung hilaw na itlog. Kahit papaano. Kahit kaunti.

“Nay, lalabas na ho yata!”

The bed was made of bamboo, with some blankets placed on top para kahit papaano’y maging komportable.

The towels were ready… pati na rin ang mga dahon na hindi ko naman kilala. I didn’t know if they were medicine or part of a prayer, pero hindi na ako nagtanong.

As long as the baby comes out. As long as they’re safe. As long as both of us… survive.

Right now, I am placing my trust in Nanay Moning. Siya ang kilalang tagapaanak dito sa aming sitio. I had no one else to rely on but her.

“Inday, nakikita ko na ang ulo ng bata. Sige, ire ka, anak!” sigaw ni Nanay Moning habang pinipigilan ang kaba sa boses niya.

Para akong malalagutan ng hininga. Parang may pwersang humahati sa katawan ko.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” Napasigaw ako. Napakasakit. Masakit na parang hindi na matatapos.

“Arggggghhhhhhhh!”

It felt like my body was being torn open from the inside. My hips felt like they were being pried apart, and my lower back felt like it would snap. My breath hitched as my vision blurred.

I was shaking. I wanted to scream louder, but even my voice was tired.

Still, I pushed. I had to.

“Nakita ko na ang ulo! Sige, isang iri na lang!” sigaw ni Nanay Moning.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

Then suddenly, I heard a cry. A loud, clear, beautiful cry.

“Inday Sol! Lalaki! Malusog! Aba’y napakagwapo naman nitong baby namin!” she said happily.

But Nanay Moning’s face changed. She looked down again.

“Inday, umiri ka pa. May isa pa!” Twins. My heart skipped a bit.

My body wanted to give up. But I clenched my jaw.

“One more,” I whispered to myself. I was barely holding on. I sobbed, quiet at first, then louder, until my whole body shook.

“Nanay, parang hindi ko na yata kaya” ani ko as I closed my eyes.

“Nanay Moning… parang hindi ko na yata talaga kaya,” I whispered, my voice trembling, caught between a sob and a scream.

Parang may mabigat na pinto na unti-unting sumasara sa loob ko. My strength was slipping through the cracks. Ang bawat iri, parang hinuhugot ang kaluluwa ko.

Tumingala ako. Everything was spinning. Naalala ko agad si Malrick. Hindi ko napigilang maiyak.

Malrick… Malrick, kailangan kita. Kailangan na kailangan kita dito. Sabi mo hindi mo ako pababayaan. Sabi mo hindi mo ako iiwan.

Habang humihikbi ako, pinilit kong magpakatatag, pero ang puso ko, parang gusto nang sumuko. Gusto kong marinig ang boses niya. Gusto kong siya yung humawak sa kamay ko habang pinagdadaanan ko ’to.

Pero wala siya. Wala siya rito, kahit anino.

Ako lang. Ako, sina Nanay Moning, at ang kirot na parang walang katapusan.

Nanay Moning leaned closer, her hands firm as a rosary wrapped tightly around her fingers.

A rosary, I suddenly remembered Mother Superior. Napahikbi ako nang malakas.

“Kaya mo pa, anak. Kaunti na lang ha. Kaunti na lang talaga,” she whispered. May tumulong luha sa mata niya, pero pinunasan lang niya ito ng likod ng kamay.

Tumango ako habang humahangos. Hindi biro ang manganak nang walang anesthesia.

“One last… push…” I whispered.

“Argghhhhhhhhhhh” I pushed. Isa… dalawa… tatlo, hanggang sa marinig ko ang iyak ng sanggol.

I made it. Pero hindi ko na maigalaw ang katawan ko.

Nakatingala lang ang mga mata ko sa kisame, nanginginig ang pilik-mata, habang unti-unti akong nilalamon ng pagod at takot.

Naramdaman ko ang init ng dugong dumadaloy mula sa aking ibaba, malakas at mainit na kapareho ng luhang dumadaloy sa pisngi ko.

Nagdidilim na ang paningin ko. Parang unti-unti akong hinihila ng malamig na kamay sa isang lugar na walang ingay, walang ilaw, walang buhay.

Parang gusto na akong kunin. Parang tinatawag na ako ng dulo. Pero ayoko. Hindi puwede…

Ayokong sumama. Ayokong mawala. Gusto kong sumigaw. Gusto kong tawagin si Nanay Moning.

“Nanay… ayoko pa. Ayoko pang mamatay…”

Ang lalamunan ko’y tuyong-tuyo na. Ang katawan ko ay wala nang lakas. Pero pinilit ko pa ring manatiling mulat. Dahil gusto kong makita ang mga anak ko. Gusto kong mahawakan sila. Gusto kong marinig ang iyak nila habang gising pa ako.

At habang unti-unti akong lumulubog sa dilim, isa lang ang paulit-ulit kong sinasambit sa isip ko.

“Panginoon… huwag pa po ngayon. May mga anak pa ako at gusto ko uling makita si Malrick.”

Napaiyak na lang ako. Hindi ko maitanggi, hanggang ngayon, naghihintay pa rin ako kay Malrick. Maraming nanligaw kahit buntis ako. Maraming ibang tao na sinubukang punan ang puwang na iniwan niya. Pero hindi sila siya.

Kaya kung hindi rin lang naman siya… ’wag na lang.

CHAPTER 1

“Solana, anak, Diyos ko! Bakit hindi ka nagsabi na dadalaw ka? Ikaw talagang bata ka,” Mother Superior exclaimed as soon as she saw me.

She held my face like I was about to disappear, her hands trembling as her eyes welled up with tears.

She stared at me with so much love, like no time had passed at all. It had been three years since I last visited this place— Heart and Home, the orphanage where I grew up.

“Kumusta ka na? Bakit namamayat ka? Solana, Diyos ko, ano ba’ng pinaggagagawa mo? Sabi ko naman sa ʼyo, umuwi ka na lang dito.” Her voice cracked with concern.

Then she turned to the hallway and shouted, “Sister Luna! Sister Sally! Nandito si Solana! Halika kayo!”

Mother Superior was the one who raised me. She always told me the story of how she found me outside the orphanage gate, wrapped in a thin blanket with a small piece of paper tucked near my chest. Written on it was a name: Solana Rouri Suarez.

I smiled when I saw how Sister Luna let the laundry fall from her hands as she ran toward me and hugged me tightly, ganoʼn din si Sister Sally. Sa dami ng sisters dito, sa kanila ako pinaka-naging attached.

“Okay naman po ako, Mother Superior, Sister Luna, and Sister Sally. Mahirap po ang buhay sa labas pero baon ko po ang mga habilin niyo sa akin,” sabi ko at tumulo na ang luhang kanina ko pa pinipigilan.

Hindi rin napigilang umiyak ni Mother Superior.

“Salamat naman at hindi mo kami kinalimutan dito, Sol. Napakabait mong bata. Parati ka naming pinagdarasal, araw-araw, na sana makamit mo ang buhay na pinagdarasal mo noon pa man,” masayang sabi ni Sister Sally habang ang mga mata niyaʼy lumuluha.

“Naku! Kahit maging president pa ako, Sister Sally, dala-dala ko po kayo rito sa aking puso,” I said jokingly at pilit na nagpapatawa para mabasag ang bigat ng sandali.

“Aba’y, tama na iyang mga drama natin. Magmeryenda muna tayo,” Sister Luna said happily.

Pagkatapos kong makausap sina Mother Superior, Sister Luna, at Sister Sally, I stayed for a bit and played with the kids. They were laughing non-stop, carefree, light, like the world never hurt them.

For a moment, I wanted to stay. But I couldnʼt. I had to leave before I got stuck in traffic on the way to Demirian Memorial Hospital.

Suot ko ʼyong simpleng puting blusa at itim na pants. Yung black doll shoes ko, nabili ko pa sa Divisoria dalawang taon na ang nakalipas. Medyo gasgas na sa gilid, pero malinis pa rin. Ayos pa naman tingnan, basta huwag lang masyadong lapitan.

Tumingala ako. It was massive. Spotless. It didn’t feel like a hospital, it looked like a cathedral built for medicine. Or maybe a five-star hotel with a heart monitor. The place screamed perfection.

Suddenly, I felt small. It was like every insecurity I buried started walking beside me. I sighed heavily.

What if they find out I came from an orphanage?

What if they noticed my cheap shoes or that I didnʼt even have time to comb my hair properly?

But itʼs too late now. Iʼm here. I made it. This is it. Dreams.

I gripped the strap of my bag, took a deep breath, and stepped inside. I was heading toward the entrance when I spotted Simon near the guard, holding his phone.

He seemed to be texting someone, and his face looked a little worried.

“Hoy! Sino’ng ka-text mo?” tanong ko sabay hampas sa balikat niya.

Nanlaki ang mata niya. Parang hindi siya makapaniwalang nakita niya ako sa harap niya mismo.

Siguro masasabi kong komportable ako kay Simon. Hindi siya nakakailang. Awkward minsan, oo, pero harmless naman.

“S-Suarez… youʼre here. I was actually about to chat you kasi ikaw na lang ʼyong hinihintay nila,” sabi niya, hindi man lang makatingin nang deretso sa akin.

“Tangina? Eh wala pa ngang 1 PM!”

Tumingin ako agad sa phone ko. 12:45 pa lang.

Grabe naman, ang aga-aga kong napa-pressure. Ang bilis pa man din ni Manong Eddie magpatakbo kanina sa jeep, parang may hinahabol kami.

“I actually donʼt know din,” dagdag pa ni Simon habang naglalakad kami.

“Come on, and why canʼt I find your name on Facebook? Sa Instagram kalang ba active?” tanong niya.

Napairap ako nang bahagya. Ganito ba talaga ang isang ʼto?

“Sorry, ha? Hindi smartphone cellphone ko, keypad lang,” sabi ko habang inilabas ko sa bulsa ang luma kong Nokia.

Pinakita ko sa kanya ʼyong classic na model, ʼyong tipong mas matibay pa sa feelings ko.

Bahagya siyang ngumiwi, halatang hindi sanay sa gano’ng itsura ng phone. Siguro iniisip niya kung paano ako nabubuhay nang walang Messenger, camera, o kahit Facebook app.

“Hoy! Huwag ka! At least ʼyong phone ko hindi madaling ma-lowbat at puwede pang pampukpok sa holdaper kung sakali. Kaya ikaw.” Turo ko sa kanya. “Umayos ka sa akin kung ayaw mong mapukpok nito.” His eyes widened as his ears became red, and he looked in another direction.

Gago. Kinikilig yata ʼto?

Habang naglalakad kami papunta sa orientation room, I couldn’t even find the right words to describe what I was seeing. The interior was nothing like the hospitals I knew.

It was spotless like a private hotel disguised as a medical facility. The floor tiles were so polished they looked like mirrors, and the walls were painted in soft neutral colors beige, ivory.

May malalaking sofa sa receiving area, pero hindi ʼyong pangkaraniwang matigas. They were plush, elegant, and looked like they belonged in a high-end lounge. There were tall indoor plants placed in minimalist designer pots, and the air smelled like a mix of lavender.

Bango .

But the most intimidating part? The nurses we passed by looked like they just stepped out of a skincare commercial. Hindi lang yata credentials ang qualification dito; kailangan yata glowing ka rin .

Their hair was neatly tied, their scrubs perfectly fitted, and their posture screamed confidence. Napalunok ako.

What am I even doing in a place like this?

I suddenly felt very underdressed, underqualified, and out of place.

“Weʼre here, Suarez,” Simon said, snapping me out of the dramatic movie montage running in my head.

He opened the door labeled HEAD NURSEʼS OFFICE , and I followed him in. Inside were a few familiar faces ,and by the looks of it, halos lahat dean’s lister.

Great. So basically, I just walked into a room full of brain cells in human form.

Uupo na sana kami nang biglang bumukas ang pinto sa kabilang side. Lumabas ang isang babae na late 30ʼs siguro. Makinis, maganda, sophisticated. ʼYong itsura niya? Parang kahit may eye bags, branded pa rin. Alam mong hindi basta-basta natutuyuan ng moisturizer.

“Good morning, everyone,” she said with a smile that looked expensive.

Mukha pa lang ng head nurse, alam mong bawal ang bara-barang energy rito.

CHAPTER 2

“Good morning and welcome to Demirian Memorial Hospital. My name is Netjen. I’m the newly assigned head nurse here.” She began talking confidently, standing tall like she runs this hospital and probably the whole city, if she wanted to.

“I believe I wonʼt need to spoon-feed you information about this hospital, since I know most of you already know how amazing it is. Itʼs beyond extraordinary. So, without further ado, I will divide you into four groups, since there are twelve OJTs in total.”

My heart was racing like may utang ako sa hospital mismo. I could feel the sweat gathering in places I didnʼt even know could sweat. Kailangan kong makinig sa mga sinasabi nila.

Damn! Focus, Solana.

“Go to your team as I call your name,” she continued.

Hinihintay ko na matawag ang pangalan ko.

“Santi Navarro, Donna Fuentes, and Angi Agustin will be assigned to the Pediatrics Department.”

Patuloy lamang ako sa pakikinig sa pagtawag nila ng pangalan.

“Mr. Simon Dela Paz, Ms. Solana Rouri Suarez, and Ms. Ericka Rain Santos will be assigned to the Surgical Department.”

Surgical Department. Pumikit ako sandali at dumilat ulit.

Seryoso ba ʼto? Surgery agad?

Baka naman kutsara ang maabot ko kapag scalpel ang hiningi. Baka ako ang ma-operahan sa kaba.

Napatingin sa akin sina Simon at Ericka. Naka-smile pa rin sila, parang hindi affected. Totoo nga siguro ʼyong sabi nila sa bahay-ampunan na may nunal daw ako sa puwet.

Saan na ang tapang ko?

Parang gusto ko na agad mag-resign kahit wala pa akong first shift.

After Nurse Netjen finished assigning the remaining OJTs to their departments, she clapped once and said, “Surgical team, follow me. I will introduce you to Dr. Demirian.”

Sinundan namin siya palabas ng opisina. Napalunok ako nang malalim nang makita kong pinindot niya ʼyong button ng pinakamataas na floor sa elevator. Oh no. That meant heʼs not just some regular doctor; heʼs something way higher than that.

My hands and legs were trembling from nervousness.

Takte.

Kung alam ko lang na ganito kakaba, nag-culinary na lang sana ako. At least matutulungan ko pa si Aling Bebang magluto ng ulam. ʼDi tulad ngayon na baka ako pa ang main course.

“Weʼre here. Prepare yourselves,” Nurse Netjen said as the elevator dinged.

The doors slid open, and we stepped out onto the top floor. We waited just outside the glass office while she spoke to Dr. Demirianʼs secretary, at least I think thatʼs who he was.

Based on what I saw, may girl aura si Kuya. I was not sure if heʼs gay or just very… graceful. Pero kung ako ang tatanungin, heʼs definitely serving soft realness.

Maayos ang buhok, may pa-powder, at may hawak pang gold pen, and heʼs wearing thick glasses.

The secretary finally stood up, smiled, and said, “You may come in. Dr. Demirian will be here any minute. Heʼs still in a meeting. My apologies.”

He eyed each one of us and continued to talk. “He instructed me to let you wait inside his office.”

The moment the doors opened, my jaw almost hit the expensive-looking floor. The office was massive. Cold. Immaculate. Intimidating.

The walls were matte black and deep gray. Walang kahit anong abubot, just clean lines, sharp corners, and everything in perfect order. The desk? Huge. Made of dark glass and steel. Parang hindi ginagamit pang-trabaho, kundi pang-dictate ng kapalaran ng buong bansa.

On top of it was a single black-and-gold nameplate Dr. Malrick Virellus Valtar O. Demirian III Executive Medical Director. Heir to the Demirian Empire.

Putek. Ang haba. Ang bigat.

Ang mahal pakinggan. That name sounded like it could buy and sell my entire existence without even blinking.

Behind it was a full wall of floor-to-ceiling glass windows, giving a view of the entire city below, jet-black

leather chairs and the minimalist bookshelves that held thick, expensive-looking medical journals arranged by size and color.

No pictures. No mess. No signs of personal life. Even the air smelled rich, parang disinfectant na may Hermes. I was enjoying observing every detail in the office when the double doors opened and someone spoke…

“Good morning.”

A deep, thunderous voice echoed through the room as the double oak doors opened.

Lord, hindi lang boses. Parang may lindol sa vocal cords niya. It sent chills down my spine.

I couldnʼt see his face right away dahil nakatalikod ako sa kanya. He walked silently toward his table. The ticking of his expensive leather shoes was the only sound you could hear in the office.

But the moment the head nurse greeted him, along with my teammates, I instinctively looked up. Gusto kong bumati.

Pero ʼyong boses ko?

Nawawala. Parang binura ng kaba. Grabe na buhay ʼto, bakit ngayon pa?

So instead, I forced a polite, tiny smile… the kind you give when you donʼt know whether to curtsy or faint.

Thatʼs when his eyes landed on me. Correction, examined me. From head to toe. Like I was an X-ray he didn’t order, but he already found the flaw.

I swear, in that half-second our eyes met, I felt like he could see everything my late rent, my ₱20 jeep fare, at ang ulam na nakalimutan ko sa loob ng bag ko, pati na rin ʼyong mental breakdown ko two weeks ago. Parang kitang-kita niya.

Doctor pa lang ʼto, bakit feeling ko nasa trial na ako sa langit? I was in deep thoughts when Nurse Netjen started introducing us, mentioning our university, academic records, and awards. It sounded like she was reading from a script.

“Dr. Demirian, these are the interns assigned to the surgical department. They are from Don Valtarʼs University, and they are also deanʼs listers.” She paused before continuing, “Their names are…”

But before she could finish, her words were cut short when the man in front of us spoke.

“I want them to introduce themselves one by one, Nurse Netjen,” he said calmly. No anger, no raised voice, just enough authority to freeze the entire room.

“Let them talk,” he added. Then, his eyes shifted to me.

Napalunok ako. I suddenly felt like my throat turned into ashes. I wanted to disappear or maybe fake a signal loss kahit wala namang Zoom meeting.

I didnʼt even know which would be worse—being the first to speak or waiting long enough for my brain to explode from overthinking.

Either way, I was sure of one thing: this man was not someone you say no to.

CHAPTER 3

Ericka was the first to introduce herself, followed by Simon. Hindi ako mapakali habang nagsasalita sila. Lahat sila, parang may sariling LinkedIn bio enumerating their achievements, awards, and even their family backgrounds like they were royalty.

Ako lang yata ang naliligaw sa grupong ito.

I almost shrank. Erickaʼs family owns a pharmaceutical company. Simon, apparently, is the only son of our university president.

Ako? Wala. I didnʼt have a reputable name. Wala akong business na mamanahin. I was not even sporty. I didn’t have medals, I didnʼt join competitions, and the only certificate I ever got was “Best in Cleaning Whiteboard” at “Most Talkative” back in Grade 3.

Grabe ang mga background nila at walang-wala ako sa kanila.

I wanted to sink through the floor. Or at least magka-ubo para makalabas ng room with a bit of dignity. Dahil sa nararamdaman kong hiya ay ang daming pumapasok sa isipan ko para matakasan ito.

Siniko ako ni Simon nang mapansin niyang halos two minutes na pala kaming lahat naka-pause, parang may nag-time freeze.

Lahat nakatingin na sa ʼkin pati ʼyong potted plant sa sulok feeling ko hinihintay rin akong magsalita. Bahala na. Kung mapahiya, at least may audience.

Huminga ako nang malalim habang kumukuha ng lakas ng loob. Hindi puwedeng ipakita ko sa kanila na nahihiya ako.

“My nameʼs Solana Rouri Suarez. Iʼm 22 years old po. Iʼm a consistent deanʼs lister in our university,” pakilala ko na kinasinghap nila nang mahina.

Tangina. Nanginginig ka pa talaga, Solana?

Bakit ang grabe ng background nila, samantalang sa akin parang kabute ang background.

Napaka-basic ng intro ko, parang recitation sa Grade 5. I knew it was too short the moment I saw Dr. Demirian’s eyes darken, as if my lack of detail personally offended his soul. Kahit si Nurse Netjen napakapit sa clipboard at tumikhim, trying to encourage me to speak more.

Simon, on the other hand, was suddenly very interested in the ceiling, parang nagdadasal na matapos na ʼtong eksena ko sa buhay nila. Ito talaga ang kanina ko pa iniisip.

“I-I may not have a reputable family name or background. My last name doesn’t come with a company or a hospital wing attached to it. My parents aren’t doctors, CEOs, or even alive, actually. I grew up in an orphanage. The only thing I inherited was a secondhand notebook and a dream I probably can’t even afford,” kinakabahan kong sambit habang halatang nauutal ako.

I glanced at Nurse Netjen. She looked relieved, like she had been holding her breath. Even Simon seemed frozen where he stood, like he wasnʼt expecting any of that. But I wasnʼt finished.

Kahit na ganito ang speech ko ay kailangan maipaliwanag ko sa kanila ang sarili ko.

“But I showed up. I work hard. If it means staying up all night just to review, I will. If it means commuting 2 hours and still arriving early, Iʼve done it. Iʼve balanced three jobs just to pay for tuition. I sell food. I do errands. I write papers for other people just so I can write my own someday with ’M.D.ʼ at the end of my name, so no, I donʼt come from power. But I came prepared,” dagdag ko pang sambit.

Iʼll thank Mother Superior later over the phone kasi effective ʼyong panalangin niya this time.

Doc Dermirian stared me for a while. Nakakailang kaya umiwas ako ng tingin. Tumikhim siya and he started to scan our profiles, calm, unreadable, terrifyingly precise.

And since lahat ng mata ay nasa kanya , I figured okay, my turn to do the examining I guess?

His grey-green eyes. Not just grey. Not just green. Grey-green. The kind of color you only see in storm clouds right before they ruin your entire day.

Jawline? Glowing. Sharp. Perfectly umiigting habang ngumunguya siguro ng pride ng mga interns ? Napahagikhik ako sa isipan

If that jaw could talk, it would say, “You are not on my level.” Iʼm 80% sure it could slice bread.

His nose? Please. It wasn’t just a nose it was an architectural masterpiece . Straight, smooth, and perfectly placed.

This man didnʼt have pores. He had polished marble for skin. The kind of skin that looked like it never met stress, pimples or real-life humidity. Walang tigyawat, walang pores, walang karapatan ang oiliness sa balat niya .

ʼYong tigyawat ko nga nahihiyang tumubo, parang sila na ʼyong nag-a-adjust.

“Uy, guys, huwag dito. Hindi pantay. Alanganin tayo,” sambit ng isang boses.

They formed a committee before erupting. Democratic pa.

Pambihirang buhay ʼto.

He has fair, white skin. Alam na alam ko ang mga ganito, iyong tipong maiinitan ay mamumula lang at hindi iitim. Hindi gaya ko na halos lahat na lang ng notebook ko, itakip ko sa mukha ko para hindi masunog dahil naka-rejuvenating set ako na walang sunscreen. Hinding-hindi na ʼyon mauulit. Nabudol lang ako ni Aling Krosana.

And there was a watch on his wrist—black, sleek, and way too expensive-looking to just be called a “watch.” Definitely not something youʼd find in a mall. Not even in a glass case. Maybe inside a vault.

Heʼs wearing a crisp black coat, neatly folded over his elbow. The black tailored pants hugged his legs just right.

He was a walking Greek tragedy with a doctorate and a scalpel . If he walked into the ocean, I swear the waves would part.

And the worst part?

He knew it. He knew he was fine as hell.

“Iʼll have my secretary schedule them to assist in my surgery next week,” he said—calm, deep, and final.

Then he looked at me. Not a glance. Not a casual eye contact. No, he eyed me like he was scanning through my soul, my blood type, and my last five sins.

Parang alam niya kung ilang beses akong nag-extend ng deadline sa professor ko. My spine straightened on instinct. My lungs forgot how to breathe. Even my tigyawat on the side of my chin paused its development.

Grabeng buhay ʼto.

CHAPTER 4

Pinauwi kami agad ni Nurse Netjen since it’s just the first day and wala pa naman daw masyadong gagawin. Maybe for them, thatʼs true, pero ako?

May plano ako. While we were on our way earlier, I spotted a five-star restaurant right next to the hospital. Sosyal. Mukhang mahal ang tubig doon, pero hindi ako pupunta para kumain. I wanted to apply for a part-time job.

Okay na rin ʼyon, para after shift ko sa Demirian Memorial Hospital, deretso na ako roon. Isang lakaran lang, hindi ko na kailangan gumastos sa pamasahe. Nag-resign na rin kasi ako sa fast food na katabi ng school namin.

Mahal ko ʼyong trabaho pero mas mahal ang oras ko ngayon. Sayang ang lakad kung puwede namang isang deretsong biyahe lang ng bahay.

“Manong guard? Saan po puwedeng mag-apply bilang waitress?” tanong ko, trying to sound confident kahit alam kong obvious na hindi ako taga-rito at nag-full body scan siya.

From my tired face down to my Divisoria doll shoes na halatang sawang-sawa na sa buhay.

Tumigil talaga siya sa sapatos ko. Matibay ʼto, ʼno. Baka nga mas may work experience pa ʼtong sapatos ko kaysa sa kanya. Pero itinuro nya naman kong saan puwede mag-submit ng resume.

“We are in need of a waitress tonight, actually,” sabi ng manager na halos kasimpino ng menu nila. “You can start now. Your shift will be from 8:30 to 12:30 a.m. Are you sure you can commit yourself to this job?”

Ngumiti ako. Maʼam, kung commitment ang pag-uusapan, Iʼve been committed to surviving since birth.

“Yes, Maʼam. Makakaasa po kayo,” ani ko at binigyan siya ng matamis na ngiti.

Pero habang tumatagal, hindi ko alam kung tama ba pa itong pinasok ko. Gusto kong magsisi sa naging desisyon kong magtrabaho rito, pero mas magsisisi ako kung palalayasin ako ni Aling Krosana dahil dalawang buwan na akong hindi nakapagbayad ng renta.

“Solana, table 14.”

“Solana, VIP room please.”

“Solana, mali raw order ng table 4.”

“Solana, may nabasag na baso sa table 9.”

Napabangon ako dahil sa lintik na bangungot na ʼyon. Kahit ba naman sa panaginip, ulilang puyat pa rin ako.

Pagtingin ko sa orasan na nasa ibabaw ng maliit kong mesa, 5 AM na. Hindi na ako bumalik sa tulog at baka ma-late pa ako. Kaya nagsaing na lang ako, tapos nilagyan ng corned beef sa ibabaw. Tipid meal pero big time sa energy.

Maya-maya, dumating na si Aling Bebang para ihatid ang mga order niya. Kaunti pa lang ang umo-order sa akin ngayon, kasi bago pa lang naman ako sa hospital. Pero habang nagbabalot ako ng ulam, napaisip ako… puwedeng i-try ang mga ito kay Dr. Demirian?

Eh kung mabentahan ko siya? Malay natin, sa sobrang yaman niya, baka bumili siya ng isang bandehado tapos ipauwi niya sa mga doktor niyang walang time kumain.

O, baka naman i-report niya ako sa HR, tapos tanggal ako agad kaya huwag na lang.

Dali-dali lang akong naligo at pumunta sa terminal ng mga jeep.

“Manong, isang Demirian Hospital po,” sabi ko habang inaabot ang bayad na ₱25.

Suot ko ang nude fitted t-shirt, paired with my usual black pants na sinuot ko na rin kahapon and black doll shoes ilang beses nang sumuray pero never umaray.

Papasok na ako sa entrada ng hospital nang makita ko si Nurse Kael. Nakilala ko siya kahapon. Mabait, singkit ang mata, at matangkad kaya hindi ko na pinalampas at binigay ko na ang mga menu ni Aling Bebang.

Pero kahit matangkad siya, mas matangkad pa rin si Dr. Demirian sa kanya. Bakit nasali sa usapan si Dr. Demirian? Hindi naman siya part ng height competition ng puso ko.

Sol, umayos ka. Baka makurot pa singit mo ni Mother Superior sa panaginip.

Ano ba itong mga pumapasok sa isipan ko? Ganito ba talaga kapag stressed na sa buhay?

“Nurse Kael, heto na ʼyong order mong clubhouse sandwich. ₱150 lang ʼyan,” sabi ko habang inabot ko sa kanya, sabay bigay ng matipid pero charming kong ngiti.

“Oh, hey, Nurse Solana! Thank you for this. This is great since I havenʼt eaten my break—”

Naputol ang sasabihin niya nang biglang may bumusina sa likod namin. Malakas, matinis, at punong-puno ng urgency.

Sabay kaming napalingon sa likuran namin. Namutla si Nurse Kael nang makita ang sasakyang papalapit. Makinis, mababa, at tila lumulutang habang umiilaw ang mga headlight nito. Isang kulay abong Aston Martin na tila sumasalamin sa langit na maulap.

Tumigil ito ilang pulgada lang mula sa amin, at kahit naka-idle lang ang makina, ramdam ang panginginig ng lupa sa ilalim namin.

Alam ko na agad kung sino ang may-ari ng sasakyang ʼyon. Hindi lang ’yon basta ordinaryong kotse. Itʼs his car.

A car that screamed power, money, and danger. Kahit hindi pa bumababa ang salamin, parang nagsisigawan na ang lahat ng alarm bells sa loob ng dibdib ko.

Ilang segundo lang pero parang ang tagal bago unti-unting bumaba ang heavily tinted na salamin, revealing the man behind the wheel.

Namutla rin ako nang bumaba ang tinted na salamin ng gray Aston Martin niya. He was wearing dark sunglasses, one hand resting on the window, the other still on the wheel. Heʼs wearing a light blue polo. The sleeves were folded carefully just below the elbows, revealing strong, veined forearms that looked both elegant and intimidating. His left wrist bore a sleek silver watch.

Hindi ko alam kung ano’ng dapat kong maramdaman. Galit ba? Takot? O ʼyong kilig na ayaw kong aminin. Langya, Solana! Hindi ʼyan.

He wasn’t even looking at me pero bakit parang ako ang tinutusok ng tingin niya?

“G-good morning po, Doc…” I stammered.

His eyes darkened upon hearing my greeting. Parang may apoy sa tingin niya.

Kung literal lang na nagbubuga ng apoy ang mga mata niya, kanina pa siguro ako bumulagta’t naging abo sa kinatatayuan ko. Pero hindi niya ako pinansin. Instead, he looked straight at Nurse Kael.

“Mr. Paraz, we have an urgent meeting in five minutes,” he said coldly as he continued.

“Why the hell are you still here, loitering, or should I say, luring an intern now?”

My eyes widened. His words hurt. I was just delivering an order… I didn’t mean anything else. I was just trying to make a living.

“D-Doc, good morning po,” Nurse Kael greeted him nervously. “Uh… Nurse Solana just gave me this sandwich po,” paliwanag niya pa.

I immediately nodded with agreement. Pero agad ding nahinto dahil tiningnan niya ako nang masama.

“Youʼre his personal chef now?” he said sarcastically.

Hilaw akong napangiti at umiling. Bakit ba galit ang isang ʼto?

“Naku! Hindi ho, Doc. Paninda ko po ito,” ani ko sabay hinalungkat ang bag ko baka gusto niya ring bumili.

“G-gusto niyo rin po ba? May egg sandwich po ako dito at—” Naputol ang sasabihin ko nang nagsalita siya.

“I donʼt eat that stuff.”

Agad akong napahinto at mukhang napahiya.

“O-okay po, Doc,” ani ko na lang at umatras na.

He even glared at Nurse Kael before he continued to drive away.

“Ang bitter niya sa buhay,” bulong ko na lang.

Sungit talaga. Pasalamat na lang at nadala sa mukha niya.

CHAPTER 5

Simon and Ericka were talking about medical terms. I was just quietly listening, pretending to be interested in “tachycardia” and “hypokalemia,” but honestly, my brain had checked out.

I couldnʼt stop thinking about the scene earlier with Dr. Demirian. He might give me a 3, or worse, fail me.

My knees felt weak the moment I realized that. I wasn’t sure if it was anxiety or the fact that I skipped breakfast… again. I looked calm on the outside, but inside? I was drafting apology letters, planning my backup career as a waitress.

We were suddenly interrupted by a loud bang from the double doors where the three of us had been staying.

“Intern nurses are required to assess the patients in the lobby!”

We immediately followed the order. I think heʼs a friend of Nurse Kael. His steps were fast and firm, like something urgent was happening.

I felt dizzy. I hadnʼt eaten anything yet, but I didnʼt mind. The patients needed me more.

The moment we arrived in the lobby, we were met with cries, screams, and panic. We were trained for situations like this. I immediately assessed a child crying in the corner, blood all over his face. A deep cut ran across his forehead. I did what I had to do. I had no time to hesitate.

I looked around and saw Dr. Demirian—calm, sharp, and commanding, giving orders like a general in the middle of a battlefield.

Our eyes met for a second, and something in his gaze made it hard to breathe. I was the one who looked away first, suddenly overwhelmed by the dizziness creeping in again.

Damn it, Solana. Get a grip. I scolded myself silently, forcing my feet to move. There was no time to be weak. I pushed the lightheadedness aside and proceeded to the next patient.

“Suarez, Ericka wants us to have lunch outside to chill since we did a great job earlier according to Nurse Netjen,” Simon said, inviting me with a hopeful look in his eyes.

As much as I wanted to join them, I didnʼt have any money. But there was no way on earth Iʼd tell them that.

“Salamat, Simon, pero sa susunod na lang. May importante pa akong gagawin. Alam mo na, pagkakakitaan… part-time jobs,” I replied, forcing a small smile.

Nahihiya rin ako kay Nurse Kael dahil sa nangyari kanina.

Of course, that was just an excuse. I didnʼt have anything important to do. I was just planning to eat at the fire exit stairs. The thought of cold rice with corned beef on top made my stomach growl even louder.

“Sure, no problem, Suarez.” He simply nodded and gave me a polite smile in return.

Simon was very kind, too kind, actually. Napag-alaman ko na crush niya raw ako . If I had a peso for every time someone teased me about it in the class, Iʼd probably afford lunch with them right now.

I was humming to myself and holding the strap of my bag when I walked straight into what I thought was a wall. Grabe, ang sakit nʼon!

My forehead was practically ringing . But when I looked up… plot twist. It wasnʼt a wall. It was a man.

A man .

Dr. Demirian.

Great. Of all the walking anatomy models in this hospital, I just had to crash into the Greek statue with a license.

“Are you blind or something?” he snapped, his tone sharp enough to cut through bone.

“Watch where the hell youʼre going. This is a hospital, not a damn amusement park,” malamig nitong sambit.

I froze, clutching my aching arm. I quickly hid it behind me and pinched it hard like that would somehow cancel out the pain… or the embarrassment. Nurses passing by looked at me like I had bumped into him on purpose. Their stares felt heavier than the bruise on my arm.

“I-Iʼm sorry, Doc,” I stammered, barely able to meet his eyes.

He didnʼt say anything else. He just walked away like I was never even there. The worst part wasn’t the scrape on my arm. It was the sting in my chest the way his words echoed louder than the actual pain.

Putek, Solana. Ni maglakad nang deretso, ʼdi mo magawa. Ubos na nga ang dignity mo, sinira mo pa lalo.

I ate quietly at the fire exit stairs. Here, there were no judging eyes. The walls didnʼt care if I was just an intern with a low class doll shoes. It was just me, my cold rice, and my noisy thoughts.

After lunch, we were told to report back to the university at 2 PM since tomorrow would be our first surgical assistance with Dr. Demirian. I remembered him again. I didnʼt even do anything, but every time we crossed paths, he always looked angry. Always. Like just breathing near him was a crime. I let out a heavy sigh.

“Good morning, everyone. How was your experience at Demirian Memorial Hospital? Iʼve heard that youʼll have your first surgical assistance tomorrow with none other than the heir of the Demirian Empire. You were trained for this. There is no room for mistakes. Do you understand me?”

She spoke firmly, with authority, and we answered in unison.

“If thereʼs a need for you to study and review the procedure for tomorrowʼs surgery, then do it. You may go now.”

We politely exited her office. Simon and Ericka went straight to the library, probably to study. Meanwhile, I was still mentally calculating everything I needed to do today. I had food orders to deliver before I could even think about reviewing anything.

Pero, I couldnʼt help but feel nervous. Sure, Iʼm smart. Iʼm hardworking. But letʼs be honest, I can be a dumbass, too. If Dr. Demirian asks for a scalpel, I might just hand him a damn thermometer.

Grabe, Sol. Compose yourself. And I still need to finish my seniors’ assignments. Yeah, I do their papers and projects for a price, of course. If theyʼve got the money, Iʼve got the answers. Supply and demand, bestie.

I couldnʼt even begin to explain how exhausting my life is. There were no words for this kind of tired—mentally, physically, emotionally. But Iʼve gotten used to it. Since I left the orphanage, Iʼve had no one but myself.

No family. No safety net. Just me, my dreams, and a hundred side hustles. I worked like hell just to stay in school because all I wanted was to graduate.

I wanted to be a doctor. I knew I had the brain for it. But my pocket? Hell no. Even if I sold every organ in my body, it still wouldn’t be enough for med school tuition.

Thatʼs why I chose a course thatʼs still in the medical field. Itʼs not the dream, but itʼs close enough. Itʼs the kind of choice you make when youʼre smart but not rich. When you dream big but life tells you to be realistic.

And so, here I am. Working three jobs. Doing homework that isn’t mine. Delivering food I canʼt even afford to eat. Because at the end of the day, I may be tired but Iʼm not giving up.

It was already 10 PM. I was about to rest when someone knocked. It was Aling Krosana, the landlady.

“Aling Krosana, magbabayad ho ako sa katapusan, promise. Hindi po ako tatakas.” Inunahan ko na siya pagkabukas ko ng pinto.

Alam ko na kasi kung gaano kahaba ang sermon niya kapag natagalan pa.

“Abaʼy siguraduhin mo lang, Solana. Ilang promises na ba ʼyan?” sabi niya habang nakataas ang kilay.

Na-short lang naman talaga ako kasi nagbayad ako ng tuition ko last month. Hindi ko na idinagdag na wala na nga akong pang-ulam, baka lalo pa niya akong sermonan.

Pagkatapos niyang umalis, humiga agad ako sa kama. Wala na akong lakas para kumain. Okay na ʼyon. Nakabawas pa ako ng gastos kahit papaano.

Takte, kapalan ko na lang mukha ko bukas. Mag-a-advance ako sa restaurant na pinagtatrabahuhan ko malapit sa Demirian Hospital.

Bahala na. Kailangan ko kasi ng pera saka wala na rin akong pakialam sa sasabihin ng iba. Ayoko na ring mag-ulam ng hangin.

CHAPTER 6

Carrying a big bag with some orders from the nurses, masaya ako kasi kahit papaano, dumadami na rin ang umo-order sa paninda ko.

Masaya ako na nadagdagan ang panggastos ko sa araw-araw na pakikipagsapalaran sa buhay.

I arrived at the hospital an hour early before my shift. Ayoko talagang ma-late, lalo naʼt ngayon ang first surgical assistance namin. Walking through the hospital, hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala. The place looked so luxurious, parang buong buhay yata akong hahanga rito.

Nilibot ko ang tingin sa aking paligid at ramdam ko ang kaginhawaan, lalo na masyadong maganda ang nakikita ko sa paligid. Hindi ko mapigilan na mapangiti sa aking nakikita at dahil dito ay gumagaan ang aking problema.

I politely greeted the guard and handed him his snack, an egg sandwich. Then I rushed to the elevator; Simon had just texted me to hurry since we needed to review. I was massaging my shoulder where the bag had been hanging. Ang sakit , mabigat kasi, ang daming um-order.

Pagkasakay ko sa elevator ay sumara na ito kaya nanatili akong nakatayo. Pero nagulat ako sa sunod na nangyari. Nanigas ako sa aking kinatatayuan at halos hindi makakurap ang mata.

I froze when the elevator doors slid open… and someone stepped in.

Dr. Demirian.

Behind him were his bodyguard and his secretary, both stiff and silent like shadows trained to blend into the background.

The air instantly grew heavier. I looked up our eyes met.

Napalunok ako sa pagtama ng aming mga mata. Parang biglang tumahimik ang paligid ko at pakiramdam ko ay kami lamang ang tao sa elevator.

That look… That same look that was making me feel like Iʼve committed a crime I couldnʼt remember doing.

Dr. Demirian.

His presence sucked all the air out of the tiny space.

I quickly shifted the bag of snacks behind me. He glanced at it for a second, and his jaw tightened. I felt very embarrassed, especially since I searched him yesterday. I knew for a fact that I should be embarrassed this man was a genius.

Saka nahihiya ako kapag nakikita ko na nakatingin siya sa mga paninda ko. Masyado kasing mataas ang tingin ko sa kaniya.

He graduated with flying colors—summa cum laude, top of his class. He’s the kind of student na hindi lang basta matalino kundi nakahihiya nang kabanggaan sa recitation.

He didnʼt just pass the medical boards. He aced them.

Then he went ahead and took the USMLE, PLAB, and AMC at lahat pasado, lahat first take. And after all the medals, the degrees, and the licenses, he still entered the military and served for six months in a medical unit abroad.

Some say it was voluntary. Others say it was his way of “toughening up.”

Until now ay namamangha ako sa mga natapos niya. Wala man lang ako sa kalingkingan niya, kaya lubos akong nahihiya sa kaniya. Sa isip ko ay hindi kami puwede magtabi kasi langit siya habang lupa ako.

Hindi ko mapigilan na pagmasdan ang kaniyang porma.

He was wearing a dark blue polo underneath his perfectly ironed white coat. The fabric hugged his frame just enough to show the muscle in his arms that were lean but strong. A stethoscope hung around his neck, the metal chest piece catching the light like it knew it belonged to someone important. On his wrist, a sleek black watchsimple, but expensive-looking. Probably waterproof, probably custom. The kind made for doctors who work sixteen-hour shifts without losing a second.

Everything about him screamed precision.

His posture was military-level straight. His hair was neatly in place, like even the strands knew better than to disobey. And his eyes cold, focused, sharp. You donʼt just get looked at by Dr. Demirian. You get scanned, assessed, diagnosed, and filed in his brain under “avoidable distractions.”

Ano na itong mga naiisip ko?

I couldnʼt help but notice the veins on his hand… thick, defined, almost aggressively visible.

Grabe. Araw-araw ba ʼto nagbubuhat? O… araw-araw nagdya-jakol? Get your brain out of the gutter, Solana.

I mentally slapped myself dahil sa mga iniisip ko.

I hesitated, unsure whether to greet him or not since I knew, for a fact, that he didnʼt even like my existence . But I chose the latter.

“G-good morning po, Doc.”

I shut my eyes the moment it left my lips. My voice cracked, like a kid caught cheating on a quiz. Silence. A second stretched into what felt like minutes.

The elevator dinged. Gusto ko na lang magpakain ng lupa. Wala ba siyang balak na batiin ako pabalik?

I was about to rush out onto the floor, pretending the past 15 seconds didnʼt ruin my whole morning, when I heard it.

“Morning,” he said with a low and casual voice.

Almost too casual, like it didnʼt just shake the entire hallway in my head.

I froze and I couldnʼt help but glance back and smile widely and stupidly just to check if he actually said it.

But no…

He was already facing forward, arms crossed, phone pressed to his ear… eyes sharp like a hungry lion eyeing me. His secretaryʼs eyes widened parang siya pa ʼyong nahiya para sa akin.

Turns out, he wasnʼt greeting me. He was greeting someone on the phone. I wanted to melt into the elevator floor right then and there. Gusto ko na lang ibalot ang sarili ko sa eco bag ng paninda ko. I hurried out of the elevator, clutching the strap of my bag, baka mahulog pa ʼto, at ayaw ko na talagang dagdagan pa ang kahihiyan ko.

Lagi na lang bang kahihiyan ang nangyayari sa akin kapag nagkikita kami?

Binilisan ko ang pagtakbo para makalayo lamang sa lugar na ʼyon. Wala na akong pakialam sa mga taong nakakasalubong ko.

ʼPag nagkikita kami ni Doc, parang lahat na lang ng puwedeng ikakahiya ko ay nangyayari.

I was praying so hard as we walked through the emergency room. My hands were cold, my throat dry.

Today, we would assist Dr. Demirian and his surgical team during a craniotomy, a literal brain surgery. As soon as we entered the operating room, I spotted him immediately.

Dr. Malrick Virellus Valtar O. Demirian III.

Wearing his navy surgical scrubs, sterile gloves already on, surgical cap low on his forehead, and his signature specs perched on the bridge of his nose. He looked like the cover of a medical textbook if medical textbooks could kill with just a glance.

He stood at the head of the table, arms folded as the anesthesiologist double-checked the patient’s vitals.

“Prepped?” he asked, his voice low but firm as he glanced at the monitor.

The room fell quiet, the steady beeping of the heart monitor the only sound. A nurse handed him a pair of sterile gloves without a word. He slipped them on, eyes never leaving the patient.

“Vitals?” he added.

“Stable. Oxygen levels are holding,” the anesthesiologist replied quickly.

“Begin.”

One of the senior surgeons made a small mark on the patientʼs scalp just above the left temporal lobe. Dr. Demirian took the scalpel and made the initial incision with terrifying precision.

I held my breath as blood welled up from the skin. Still composed.

The sounds of the room changed—less voices now, more machines. The rhythmic beep of the heart monitor. The whirr of the cranial drill. He didnʼt even look up. He knew where every vein was, every risk, every angle.

The drill hummed against the skull as he carefully removed a small portion, placing the bone flap on the sterile tray beside him. Underneath, the dura mater, the thick membrane covering the brain, pulsed slightly, alive with every beat of the patientʼs heart.

He paused and examined.

“Weʼll remove the hematoma pressing against the motor cortex. Suction.”

“Suarez, retractors,” he said.

Thatʼs me and thatʼs my cue. I needed

to breathe . I moved closer, heart pounding in my ears louder than the beeping monitor.

He looked up just for a second, and I swear, time stopped.

“Steady,” kalmado niyang sabi pero may bahid na pagkalamig at sobrang deretso.

Was he talking to me or to his hand? Either way, I nodded like a malfunctioning robot.

I passed him the retractor. He gave a brief nod before turning to Ericka and Simon.

“You two hold steady,” he ordered, his tone calm but commanding.

They moved into position without hesitation. Ericka adjusted the suction, keeping the area clear of blood, while Simon carefully steadied the head brace. Both of them handled it correctly and with ease, their movements sure and practiced. The moment the first incision began, I forgot everything else.

No hunger and no fear. Just the hum of machines, the faint classical music in the background, and the terrifying honor of watching a manʼs brain slowly be exposed like it was the most delicate glass in the world.

Dr. Demirian worked with terrifying elegance. Every motion was surgical poetry.

Walang sayang…. Walang sobra. Parang sanay na sanay siyang iligtas ang buhay ng taong ʼto kahit hindi niya kilala. Panay isip ko sa kaniya nang hindi ko namamalayan.

Then suddenly

“Suarez, scalpel.”

I passed the wrong one. I handed him the forceps. The senior nurses froze, and Simonʼs mouth dropped open so wide you couldʼve tossed a full-sized lechon in there.

Simon looked at the forceps then at me. Then at Dr. Demirian. And then like he suddenly remembered he didnʼt want to die today, he spun his head toward the heart monitor like it was the most fascinating thing in the universe.

Mukhang mapapagalitan ako dahil sa mali ang binigay ko. Kailangan ko na talagang mag-focus sa aking ginagawa.

CHAPTER 7

Dr. Demirian looked at the forceps like I had just offered him a spoonful of peanut butter mid-surgery. Then he looked at me cold, sharp, like I was nothing but a speck of dust in his sterile OR.

I knew his jaw tightened again. The mask twitched just a little but it was enough to tell me I triggered something deep, dark, and furious.

Nakaramdam ako ng kaba kaya isa lang ang pumasok sa isipan ko na dapat kong gawin.

“Sorry po, Doc,” I whispered, grabbing the suction device as fast as I could and handed it over properly this time.

My hands were shaking so bad, I almost dropped it again. He took it without a word. Without even looking. Already focused on the patient like erasing my existence was the best way to save the day.

He continued like nothing had happened. But I knew. I knew. From the very start, I failed. I failed him. But I forced myself to stay. To focus. Because this wasnʼt just any surgeon.

This was Dr. Malrick Demirian, a man who could probably suture a wound with his eyes closed while solving a calculus equation and criticizing your posture.

Alam ko naman na ang dami kong mali na nagagawa sa harap nʼya. Pero pinilit ko na manatili sa aking trabaho dahil kailangan ko ng pera.

“Retractor,” he said next.

The instrument landed in his hand instantly, no hesitation. He worked swiftly, exposing the skull like it was second nature.

“Bone drill,” he said.

“Ten millimeters to the mass,” the assisting surgeon reminded softly.

Dr. Demirian nodded, calm, precise. “No tremors. Letʼs save this man,” kalmado niyang sabi.

I stepped backward instinctively, but the senior nurse and assistant surgeon both glanced at me. Carefully. Like I was a bomb with a weak timer. I wanted to break. To cry.

What if I messed up again? What if Dr. Demirian used the wrong tool because of me?

Pilit akong kumakalma dahil ang daming pumapasok sa aking isipan. Pero imbis na kumalma ay nakaramdam ako ng emosyon na makapanghihina sa akin.

I shut my eyes tight. A tear escaped. Then another. I didnʼt move. I didnʼt wipe them away. Simon caught a glimpse. I knew he wanted to talk, to reach out, but he turned back to the operation. Duty first.

So I stayed at my post, silent. Watching and absorbing. I didnʼt even know how time passed. Parang lumulutang lang ako. All I knew the surgery was successful.

Of course it was. Because it was Dr. Demirian.

Dahil sa galing niya kaya successful ito.

Now weʼre at the hospital lobby. The OR tension was replaced with the bitter warmth of cheap coffee. I sat between Ericka and Simon, still shaken.

Simon leaned closer and whispered, “Solana… be honest. Gusto mo bang ipa-ban ang sarili mo sa medical field? Kasi parang ʼyan ang mission mo today.”

Nanghina ako sa narinig mula kay Simon. Inaasahan ko naman na ganito ang maririnig ko.

Ericka slowly shook her head. “O ʼdi kaya, mag-shift ka na lang sa accounting. Please.”

Mas lalo pa itong nadagdagan dahil sa sinabi ni Ericka.

I let out a laugh a tired, hopeless kind of laugh. Hindi na lang ako sumagot sa kanila at baka may masabi ako na hindi nila magustuhan.

Tatawagan ko nga si Mother Superior mamaya. Baka may novena silang pampakalma ng puso. After my shift at the hospital, I went straight to the restaurant. I worked there as a waitress—night shift. Good thing naka-advance na rin ako. Mababayaran ko na si Aling Krosana.

But God, I was exhausted. My legs were trembling, my back ached, and my brain was still stuck on the forceps incident kanina. I could still feel Dr. Demirianʼs eyes judging me from ten feet away, like a ghost in scrubs.

12:50 AM, and I finally made it home. The streets were dark, but I was used to it. Sabi ko nga, palakasan na lang ng guardian angel. I stood outside my apartment for a moment, staring at the old metal door. Paint chipping. Rusted doorknob.

And then just like that, a tear slipped down.

Pagod na ako. Gusto ko nang magpahinga dahil sa pagod na aking nararamdaman.

I looked around the room: One single bed. Maliit na aparador. Maliit na mesa na may panis pang kanin. A cramped CR sa gilid at may sink na parang malalagutan ng hininga.

And right there, sa gitna ng katahimikan ng gabi, I broke.

I was crying like a baby, loud and uncontrollable, not caring who heard me. Wala na akong pakialam kung marinig ako ni Aling Krosana. Bahala na siyang magreklamo bukas. Gusto ko lang ilabas ang mabigat na nararamdaman ko.

Tonight, I just needed to fall apart.

Nakatulugan ko ang pag-iyak kagabi. Mugto pa rin ang mata ko nang pumasok ako sa jeep. Tahimik lang ako. Walang energy makipagtitigan sa mundo. I wore a nude, fitted V-neck sweater. Tag-ulan na kasi at malamig sa loob ng hospital. Pa-professional, kahit ubos na ang loob ko. Black pants, as usual, at ang paborito kong black doll shoes na medyo pudpod na pero laban pa rin.

Bitbit ko ang bag na punong-puno ng orders. Mabigat. Parang kasabay ng bigat sa dibdib. Kahit masama ang pakiramdam ko, hindi puwedeng hindi ako magbenta. Baka wala akong kainin sa susunod na linggo.

Simon approahed me immeidate the moment I arrived at the room where we, interns, satyed.

’“Solana, Nurse Netjen told me na pinapatawag ka raw ni Dr. Dermiran sa office niya,” sambit ni Simon at nakaramdam na naman ako ng kaba.

I froze. I closed my eyes and sighed deeply. Ito na.

Hindi naman kasi biro ʼyong ginawa ko. Mali ang naabot kong gamit during surgery. Hindi lang kapalpakan kundi puwedeng ikalaglag ng pasyente. I stepped out of the elevator.

“Dr. Demirian instructed you to wait inside.” His secretary met me with a kind expression.

Nanlalamig ang kamay ko hindi dahil sa aircon kundi sa kaba. ʼYong tipong parang hinihintay mong ma-expel habambuhay. I sat on the sofa in front of his massive desk. Stiff. Parang kriminal na hinihintay ang sentensya.

Five minutes passed, and the double oak doors swung open. And just like that, kumalat ang pabango niya sa buong office. He stepped in wearing a dark suit with sharp, clean lines. Maybe he came from a meeting. Maybe from court. Who knows.

But all I knew was that this man smelled like judgment, expensive cologne, and three PhDs.

I immediately stood up the moment he sat down on his swivel chair calm and towering like a judge about to read someone their final sentence.

He didnʼt even glance at me. He just pulled off his watch, placed it neatly on the table, leaned back slightly, and then asked me, “What the hell happened yesterday, Suarez?”

It wasnʼt loud. But it hit like a slap. No, a blade. One clean, cold cut through my chest.

My breath got caught. My vision blurred not from tears but from the sting in my chest. A pain that came so fast, it made my heart stagger.

Base pa lang sa boses niya ay naiinis ito sa akin. Kaya kailangan ko na lang tanggapin ang mga sasabihin niya. Kasi kahit ano pang dahilan ko ay kasalanan ko naman.

CHAPTER 8

I didnʼt say a word. Kahit baliktarin ko pa ang mundo, mali pa rin ako. Maling-mali ang ginawa ko. I should have been more careful and focused.

Kahit gaano ko gustong ipaliwanag ang side ko, it wouldnʼt matter. Kasi sa paningin niya, I was a mess. I already failed.

“I thought you are a consistent deanʼs lister,” he said coldly, without even looking at me. He was busy signing something on a paper.

Nakaramdam ako ng pagbara sa aking lalamunan.

“A deanʼs lister student shouldnʼt act like that.” He looked up and our eyes met. He spoke again.

Parang insulto sa aking pandinig ang aking naririnig. Pakiramdam ko sa paligid ay parang gusto kong takasan.

“They should be intelligent yet mindful. Unfortunately, you donʼt have both, Nurse Suarez,” he said.

He wasnʼt yelling. He didnʼt need to. His silence was louder than any scream.

Napayuko ako agad. I couldnʼt look at him. Hindi dahil guilty ako kundi dahil sobrang sakit pakinggan ng mga salitang ʼyon galing sa kanya. My eyes started to blur, not because I was tired but because of the tears forming slowly.

Hindi ko akalain na kahit hindi gaano kahaba ang kaniyang sinabi ay malakas ang impact nito sa akin.

Then he said something that crushed me even more. I donʼt know kung paano ko ito mawawala sa aking isipan, dahil parang sirang plaka itong paulit-ulit sa aking isipan.

“Or maybe youʼre just not so focused because Nurse Kael is also in the OR. You should refrain yourself separating lust from work.”

His jaw tightened, and for a second, I thought he was going to explode. The veins on his neck were already threatening to pop out. I wasnʼt sure if he was angry at me… or at himself.

Parang may sumampal sa akin. Hindi lang basta salita ʼyon. It was an accusation. A slap, a knife straight to my pride.

“D-Doc, with all due respect, Nurse Kael is my senior… I donʼt have any intent—” My voice cracked.

I swallowed hard, but the lump in my throat wouldnʼt go away. My hands were already shaking, and my chest felt tight like my own body didnʼt even believe what I was saying. I wanted to finish my sentence, to defend myself, to explain my self… but his eyes were already elsewhere. Cold. Unbothered. Like nothing I said mattered.

And in that moment, I knew.

He wasnʼt listening. He never was.

I stopped mid-sentence when he interrupted me disrespectfully, like I wasnʼt even worth listening to.

“Exactly,” he snapped. “Heʼs your senior. Youʼre just a mere intern. You should know how to set boundaries not just randomly flirting early in the morning outside my hospital,” dagdag niyang sambit.

Napasinghap ako. What? Ano’ng pinagsasabi niya? Ganito ba ang pag-iisip niya sa amin ni Nurse Kael?

My chest tightened. My heart started to pound, not because of guilt but because of shock. He really thought that? He really believed I was… flirting?

He didnʼt ask. He just judged.

“Doc…” I whispered, voice trembling, “Nagkakamali po kayo,” dagdag kong sambit.

But he didnʼt even flinch. His expression stayed cold, like heʼd already decided who I was in his head.

And that hurt more than anything he said.

“D-Doctor Demirian.” Nanginginig ang boses ko habang pinipigilan ang hikbi. “Naghahatid lang po a-ako ng order niya…” Kahit mahirap magsalita pinilit ko pa rin.

“Nagtitinda po kasi ako pantustos sa pag-aaral ko,” saad ko habang pilit pinipigilan ang luha ko.

Hindi ko na alam kung paano ko nasabi ʼyon. Hindi na ako makapagsalita nang deretso. Sobrang sakit sa pakiramdam. Ang bigat sa dibdib. Para akong binaril nang sunod-sunod at wala akong bala para lumaban.

He scoffed, his brows drawn tight with disgust.

“And speaking of orders,” he said, voice sharp and loud enough for everyone nearby to hear. “Why the hell are you selling something in my hospital without any permission?”

Bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko. Bakit ang sakit nito magsalita lagi?

“I pay my staff well. We have a cafeteria. My hospital isnʼt a place for cheap street goods and for the ninth time, be professional.”

Parang binuhusan ako ng kumukulong tubig ng lahat. Ramdam ko ʼyong init, ʼyong hapdi pero hindi sa balat. Sa loob. Sa puso. Sa pride ko.

“Good thing that you gave up wanting to be a doctor,” tuloy pa niya, walang pakialam kung paano na ang itsura ko. “Because your morals cannot pass.”

Para akong sinuntok sa kaluluwa.

Gusto kong magsalita. Gusto kong sigawan siya. Gusto kong ipaliwanag, ipagtanggol ʼyong sarili ko. Pero wala. Wala akong lakas. Wala akong boses. Ang meron lang ay luha. Tuloy-tuloy na umaagos. Hindi na ako makahinga kakakagat ng aking labi para pigilin ang hikbi.

Akala ko matibay na ako. Akala ko sanay na ako sa sakit. Pero iba siya. Iba ʼyong sakit na dala niya.

At ang mas masakit pa… ni minsan, hindi ko siya binigyan ng dahilan para saktan ako nang ganito. I hid my arms and pinched them as hard as I could, hoping the sting would distract me from the bigger pain I was feeling the humiliation.

Nakatungo pa rin ako. Hindi ko talaga kayang tumingin kahit kanino. Sobrang puno ng luha ang mukha ko, namumugto na ang mga mata ko. At sa dami ng tumatakbo sa isip ko, isang bagay pa ang biglang pumasok.

For the first time, pinagsisihan kong naka-bob cut ako. Alam kong kahit nakayuko ako kitang-kita ang mukha ko.

“M-masusunod po, D-Doc Demirian. P-puwede na ho ba akong umalis?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

Nakatungo pa rin ako, pero alam kung tinitingnan niya ako.

I waited. One minute… two minutes. Pero wala pa rin. Kaya ako na lang ang nagdesisyon.

“M-mauna na po ako, D-Doc. Salamat. Iʼm so sorry po ulit,” bulong ko, halos pabulong lang talaga.

Wala pa rin siyang sagot kaya dahan-dahan akong tumalikod.

Thankfully, wala ang secretary niya sa labas ng pinto kaya tuloy-tuloy ako sa hallway, deretso sa elevator. Pero habang naglalakad ako, pakiramdam ko parang hindi ako makahinga. Parang may mabigat na nakapatong sa dibdib ko na unti-unting pinipisa ang loob ko.

Pagdating ko sa fire exit, hindi ko na kinaya.

Doon ako tuluyang humagulgol nang malakas. I clutched my chest as I cried so hard. Wala namang makakarinig sa akin dito kaya okay lang.

Hindi ko alam kung ano’ng nangyari. Basta nakatulog na lang ako roon kakaiyak, sa sahig ng fire exit, habang nakayakap sa sarili kong braso. Siguro sa sobrang pagod hindi lang sa katawan, kundi sa isip, sa puso.

Pagmulat ko, mabilis kong hinanap ang phone ko at kinabahan ako agad. Nanginginig pa ang kamay ko habang tsine-check ang oras.

3:02 PM.

Bumungad agad ang text ni Simon.

Solana, pinauwi tayo ng maaga ni Doc. Hinahanap ka nga pero wala ka. Nasaan ka ba? Iyong bag mo, binilin ko sa guard sa labas.

Edi bahala siyang magalit sa akin. Edi e-assign niya ulit ako sa men’s restroom.

Napapikit ako saglit. Sa wakas, parang nakikisama rin ang panahon. Paglabas na ako at natanaw ko agad si Kuya Guard.

“Kuya…” mahina kong tawag, medyo nahihiya. “May iniwan po bang bag para kay Solana?”

Agad siyang tumayo nang maayos. “Ikaw si Solana?” tanong niya habang inaabot ang bag.

“Opo,” mahinahon kong sabi.

“Iniabot ʼyan ni Nurse Simon kanina. Sabi niya, baka hanapin mo raw,” sabi niya sabay abot.

Kinuha ko ang bag nang maingat. Biglang bumigat ang dibdib ko. Hindi ko alam kung dahil sa pagod o dahil sa pangalan ni Simon na binanggit niya.

“Salamat po, Kuya,” mahina kong sabi, pilit na ngumiti.

“Ingat ka, hija. Parang uulan na,” aniya, sabay tingin sa langit.

I let out a breath I didnʼt even know I was holding. Sa dami ng sunod-sunod na sakit at hiya na tinanggap ko ngayong araw, kahit kaunting ginhawa lang, sapat na.

At least wala nang kailangan balikan sa OR. At least hindi ko na kailangang humarap pa sa mga titig ng tao.

At least… makakauwi na ako. Makakalayo pansamantala sa lugar na ito.

CHAPTER 9

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