Savage Redemption

There are times in everyone’s life when something constructive is born out of adversity… when things seem so bad that you’ve got to grab your fate by the shoulders and shake it. ~Author Unknown

Five Years Later

Jack felt a bead of sweat running down his tense back. Rolling over the muscles and scars before soaking into the waistband of his thick cotton pants. He blew out a breath watching as it formed a cloud in the cold air as it left his mouth.

He looked down at the five hostages shivering as they laid on their stomachs on the cold frozen ground. The six other gang members including his pa and brother were busy going through all the trunks and bags in the stage coach and the driver and shotgun man were lying dead on the ground in pools of their own dark blood.

“Are you going to kill us?” a small voice asked from the ground and Jack’s eyes went to a young girl in a bright pink dress. Her lips were purple with cold and her teeth were chattering. Jack felt a sense of déjà vu as he looked down at her dark innocent eyes. He pushed the feeling away and shrugged.

“Not if you do what you’re told.” he lied. He knew these people were more than likely going to die either way. The girl let out a choked sob and laid her face back on her hands as her mother scooted closer to her and tried to comfort her.

“No touching each other.” Jack scolded. “Stay still and don’t move.” he added, cocking his gun to increase the threat.

“Having trouble over there son?” John asked, poking his head around the trunk he was currently looking through. Jack shook his head.

“I’ve got it under control.” he replied as he uncocked his gun and looked down at the hostages on the ground. John nodded and went back to the trunk.

Jack saw the young girl whispering to her mother and her mother shaking her head furiously.

’ Don’t do it.’ he thought desperately. ‘Do not try to run.’ He let out a growl when the girl leapt to her feet just as he had feared she would and in doing so signed her own death certificate. Jack holstered his gun and said nothing, hoping the girl would make it into the forest before anyone noticed her but her own mother gave her away.

“Katie, no!” she screamed as she too jumped up. Gunshots rang out and bullets filled the air and Jack watched as Katie’s pink dress became red and she fell to the ground. Jack ran to her ignoring the gun shots sounding behind him as the other hostages met the fates he had known they would.

He stopped and stared down at the girl lying on the frozen dirt. Her eyes were open wide with fear but the light had gone out of them as they stared off into nothing. She looked young, no more than thirteen and she looked so innocent. Jack didn’t notice the cold wind as it blew hard and whipped his long black duster coat around his legs, his mind was a state away and nearly six years in the past as he saw a young girl with dark hair and a pink dress looking scared to death as she tried to make her way through a crowded train station in Helena.

“Jack!” John yelled, jerking him from his memories. Jack looked up at the devil he called pa.

“What?” he asked through the nausea that was swimming around in his gut.

“Is there a reason you let that girl run?” John demanded. Jack looked over at the other hostages but they were all lying in growing pools of blood as the other gang members loaded their newfound treasures into their saddlebags.

“I won’t shoot an innocent girl.” Jack replied, his voice cold and void of any emotion. John shook his head and spit in the dirt.

“Five long years boy! Five long years I’ve been waiting on you to grab hold of your potential and run with it and five long years you’ve been disappointing me. When will you show me some kind of proof that you really are my son?”

“When will you stop shooting me every damn time I try to leave?” Jack replied, adjusting the black stetson hat on his head. John shook his head and grinned.

“Are you still upset over that? A few bullets in a man never hurt nobody. It just makes ya a little tougher is all.”

“Once you’re in little brother, you don’t get out.” Brian added. “At least not while your still breathing anyway.”

“That would have been a nifty piece of information to have five years ago.” Jack said and he looked back down at the girl on the ground. His pa was still talking but he had stopped listening. He thought about the life he used to have. The life he had thrown away because he had wanted the adventure of being an outlaw. He hadn’t realized that torture, murder and rape were included in the job description and once he had realized those facts it had been too late to get away. Jack had tried… The scars covering his body were proof of his many attempts and the punishments he had received.

“You want to know the part I find funniest?” John asked and Jack looked up at him. “You really had people that cared about you, son. Good people. And you walked away from all that to be your own man and make your own way. Now you refuse to embrace the life that you yourself chose.” John chuckled and walked over to his horse but Jack remained unmoving and staring at the empty space where his pa had just been standing.

He was right. Jack had chosen this life.

“Boss, this one’s still alive!” Becket called with excitement and Jack turned his attention to the short, fat man who had rolled Katie’s mother over. The woman was moaning and bleeding freely from her stomach. She was dying fast but Jack knew it wasn’t fast enough. Becket was standing over her rubbing his hands together and licking his lips with excitement as he stared down at her. Jack knew that as long as a woman still had a pulse of any kind Becket saw her as fair game and Jack could tell by the bulge in the front of his pants that Becket was interested in Katie’s mother.

John chuckled from atop his horse and waved his hand.

“Just make it fast and catch up to us once you’re done.” he said. “Come on, Jack, it’s time to go.” Jack nodded even though he really hadn’t heard the words. He saw his pa and the men riding away and still he could not pull his eyes away from girl at his feet. He heard Becket grunting and looked up to see the dirt covered man undoing his pants and leering down at the dying woman on the ground.

Jack was at a crossroads. He could not keep living this way. He could not remain a prisoner to people like this. He could not be an accomplice to the murders and rapes of any more innocent people. If he pulled his gun right now and stopped Becket from taking his pleasure from this woman he knew he would die. But all he could think of was something a very wise man from his past had once told him.

’ A man should always do what he knows is right even if he dies for it because in the end we are not judged for what we thought about doing but for what we did.’

Jack pulled his gun, the pearl handles and the cold steel reflected in the afternoon sunlight. The gun blast echoed through the snow covered pine trees and Becket’s head snapped back as the bullet passed through it and the man collapsed dead on the ground.

Jack waited for the next gun blast and he didn’t have to wait long. He felt the fiery pain as bullet after bullet ripped through him. He fell to his back on the ground and stared up at the blue, cloudless sky.

“Why did you make me do that, you stupid boy?” his pa’s voice came from above him and Jack moved his eyes to the right and saw him standing there shaking his head angrily. “I had such hopes for you. You are such a disappointment.” Jack tried to speak but he choked on his blood and coughed. He felt warm droplets of blood fly from his mouth and splatter across his face.

“Goodbye, son.” John said and then he turned and jumped back on his horse. “Let’s ride out men.” Jack heard the sounds of their horses hooves riding away and he breathed a sigh of relief. This time he was really getting out. He was free at last. He just wished he hadn’t had to die to earn it. He heard a moan from beside him and turned his head to see Katie’s mother looking over at him. She was trying to speak but could not.

The pain in his body was nearly overwhelming and so he tried to ignore it and focus on the light in the dying woman’s green eyes. He watched as little by little it faded away. Once the light was gone and the eyes became empty and lifeless as they stared at him, he looked back up at the sky.

“I’m sorry.” he whispered though he knew his apology would go unheard by those he spoke it for. Only the birds and the dead people lying around him heard his words. He was starting to shake and it was getting harder and harder to focus on breathing. He thought back to the dark haired angel he had left behind five years ago and let images of her smiling face fill his mind before closing his eyes.

888

Hawke looked around the crowded restaurant with the fancy lace curtains and satin table clothes and the tiny little cloth napkin that looked snow white up against his dirty buckskin pants and wondered for the thousandth time just what in the hell he was doing here.

“Thank you for meeting me here, sir. I know that Helena is a good distance for your family to travel but I really wanted to show Allie around the city.” Hawke looked over at the man across from him and nodded. The man was nice enough he supposed. Gavin Michaels was twenty-two and the son of a wealthy banker here in Helena. He had met Allie when he had come to Great Valley almost two years ago to look into starting a bank there.

Hawke saw Gavin shift nervously in his seat and he realized he hadn’t yet responded to Gavin’s statement.

“No problem.” Hawke replied. He looked around the crowded restaurant and cleared his throat several times while rolling his shoulders and trying to ease the tension he was feeling. He hated crowds. He hated cities. As a matter of fact he hated most people and yet here he was in the most crowded city in Montana, in a restaurant with everyone wearing fancy suits and satiny dresses while he sat in his buckskin clothes with his knives and long hair and tried to ignore the whispers and haughty glances being thrown in his direction.

“Right, well, as you know Allie and I have spent some time together. The distance keeps us from seeing each other often but we have been writing back and forth regularly. I know that you and your family have to catch the stage back to Great Valley soon but I invited you to lunch because I have something really important I wanted to ask you.”

Hawke nearly stood up and bolted from the restaurant. He didn’t want to be doing this… He knew what Gavin was ready to ask and Hawke wasn’t at all sure that he was going to tell the man yes. He looked over at him and saw that his pale face was a little more pale than normal. His green eyes were full of nervousness and he was tapping his long thin fingers on the table top. Gavin ran his hand nervously over his long nose and sharp cheekbones and blew out a long shaky breath.

“What do you want to ask me?” Hawke asked, hoping that his own uneasiness wasn’t showing in his voice. Gavin nervously adjusted the napkin on his lap as he looked down at his untouched steak and then looked back up at Hawke.

There was no denying that Hawke was just about the scariest man he had ever seen.

“I want to ask Allie to marry me but I want to get your blessing first.” Gavin said as he tugged at the collar of his fancy black suit. Hawke closed his eyes and let out a long tired breath. Allie was nineteen now. Beautiful and plenty old enough to be married. She seemed to like Gavin well enough even though the two of them hadn’t been around each other much because he lived in Helena.

Hawke didn’t think the two of them made a good couple. Gavin was a city man who wore suits and talked proper. He didn’t own a gun and never rode a horse. Allie was full of attitude and spunk, she could shoot and ride just as good as Hawke and she talked a lot like a cowboy, cuss words and all. But then again people would say that Hawke and Lily made an odd couple with her open and friendly nature and his… Well his unfriendliness. Hawke nodded.

“You can ask her.” he said hoping that the conversation would be over now so he could get the heck out of this stuffy building. Gavin looked shocked.

“Thank you, sir! Thank you so much.” Hawke nodded and stood up.

“You cannot take her away from Great Valley.” he said matter of factly. Gavin nodded enthusiastically as he too stood up. He shook Hawke’s hand firmly.

“Of course not. We’ll be settling down in Great Valley. The bank will be opening there soon and I am going to run it.”

“If she says yes.” Hawke reminded him.

“Of course. If she says yes. Well I guess I will be going with you to the stage office then so I can ask Allie to be my wife.” Hawke nodded and fought to hide his irritation. He couldn’t explain why he did not like Gavin. There was nothing wrong with the man himself and Hawke did not want to think on it too hard because he knew the answer he would come up with. Gavin was a good man and he would make sure Allie was taken care of but the truth remained that Gavin was not Jack.

Chapter Two

Allie stood inside the stage office and let memories flood her senses.

’ You’re in luck, doll. Great valley is where I was headed too. I figure we might as well go together.’ Jack’s deep teasing voice said. He flashed her his mischievous smile that deepened his boyish dimples and his bright blue eyes sparkled with amusement.

“You okay, Allie?” Lily asked snapping Allie out of her memory. Allie looked over at her older sister who was currently doing all she could to keep five year old Sarah from running around the crowded stage office and nodded.

“It’s just been a while since I was in here is all.” she replied.

“Sarah, I will tell your daddy if you don’t behave.” Lily scolded and the chubby girl stopped moving so quickly that her thick dark curls swung into her face. She looked up at Lily and smiled guiltily.

“Sorry, mommy.” Lily couldn’t help but smile back and she patted her daughters head. Then she looked at her sister.

“Bringing back memories?” she asked gently. Allie shook her head and smoothed out her black skirt.

“No.” she replied quickly. Lily nodded and said nothing else.

“Are you sad, Aunt Allie?” Sarah asked grabbing her hand with her chubby little fingers. Allie pushed aside thoughts of Jack and smiled.

“I’m a little sad, sweetie.” she replied honestly.

“Well I’ll have to fix that somehow won’t I?” Gavin’s voice said gently as she felt his lips press against the back of her hair. Allie smiled a real smile and turned around.

“I am already feeling better.” she said. “Did you and Hawke have a good lunch?” she asked as she looked over at Hawke who was standing next to Lily and Sarah and looking very out of place and irritated in the crowded stage office. She couldn’t help but feel aggravated as many people made it a point to move away from the tall man. She wished people wouldn’t judge him by his appearance because Hawke was the single best man that she knew.

“He is rather intimidating.” Gavin whispered in her ear as he noticed her agitation and she rolled her eyes and glared at him.

“He is a good man.” she snapped doing her best to keep from cursing and make her voice sound proper. Gavin was not the type of man to appreciate her normal way of speaking. Gavin smiled and nodded quickly.

“Yes I know. As a matter of fact he is a very good man and I have a question to ask you before you leave town.”

“What?” Allie asked. Gavin let out a nervous breath and grabbed her hands in his.

“Allie, I know that we have not been able to spend much time together but I have fallen head over heels in love with you in the last two years. I would be the proudest man alive if you would do me the honor of becoming my wife.” Gavin pulled a small gold band with a single round cut diamond from his pocket and got to his knee as he looked up at her with hope in his green eyes.

Allie’s eyes widened as she stuttered several times before clamping her mouth shut. Marriage! Allie had not thought about marriage since she had been fourteen. Marriage to Gavin? She had not thought about that at all. Gavin was a good man and she liked him but was it love? She had no idea.

“Um.. I uh… I don’t know.” she said finally and Gavin’s face fell as he stood up. He released her hands and cleared his throat as he adjusted his suit collar.

“That was not the enthusiastic answer I was hoping for.” he said with a fake little laugh, hoping to hide his disappointment. Allie quickly grabbed his hand and smiled reassuringly despite the swirling storm of emotions in her head.

“I didn’t say no. I just need some time to think is all.” Allie said forgetting about speaking proper for the moment. Gavin nodded and held the ring up with a shaking hand.

“I understand, Allie. I have to go to New York for a banking conference and I’ll be gone about three months. When I come back the bank in Great Valley should be complete and ready to open and I’ll be moving there to run it. Maybe you’ll come to a decision by then.”

“Of course.” Allie nodded. “Thank you for being so nice about this.”

“I said I love you and I meant it.” Gavin replied before pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. Allie waited for butterflies or tingles but felt none. She smiled as he pulled away to hide her disappointment and he placed the ring in her palm.

“When I get to Great Valley I would love to see you waiting for me with that ring on your finger.” Allie nodded and was relieved when she was saved from replying by the man behind the counter.

“The stage for Great Valley is loading folks.” Lily reached to grab her and Allie’s trunk but Hawke shook his head and beat her to it.

“You will not be carrying it.” he said matter of factly. “Not with my son inside you.” Lily laid her hand on her still flat belly and smiled.

“I have to be going now.” Allie said to Gavin. Gavin nodded and kissed her head again.

“I will see you in about three months, darling. I will miss you every single day we are apart.” he said, his green eyes looking deep into hers as Hawke, Lily and Sarah walked out of the office and toward the waiting stage.

“And I will miss you.” Allie replied, though truthfully all she wanted to do at the moment was get away from him. Emotions and thoughts were swirling in her head and she needed to be able to sort through them. Allie’s mind filled with fear and uncertainty when he lowered his mouth toward hers.

Gavin had never tried to kiss her before and she had never kissed anyone other than Jack. And she wasn’t sure she was ready to kiss Gavin now. She saw Gavin’s shoulders droop when she turned her head at the last moment but like the gentleman that he was he kissed her cheek tenderly and smiled warmly.

“I love you, Allie.” he said. Allie’s teeth bit down on her lips so hard she knew she would be tasting blood soon and she nodded.

“I must be going.” she replied and she turned quickly and practically ran to the stage.

She saw Gavin standing on the boardwalk waving as the stage pulled away and she waved back. Once he was out of sight she clenched her fist and punched Hawke hard in the arm.

“Ow.” Hawke said as he rubbed his arm and looked over at her. “Do not hit me.” he growled. Allie was not scared of the anger in his eyes and she pointed her finger up at him.

“You should have warned me.” she exclaimed. Hawke shook his head.

“He asked at lunch and came right to you. I could not have warned you.”

“You should have thought of something. You are the great Hawke Owen ya know.” Hawke smiled.

“I thought about murder. That would have kept him from asking.”

“Hush!” Lily snapped as she handed Sarah her favorite doll with a soft body and real porcelain face.

Allie looked down at the ring shining in her hand and sighed as she stuck it into her skirt pocket.

“What am I gonna do?” she asked as she slumped back in the seat. Lily smiled and patted her knee.

“You’ll figure it out Allie.” she said. Allie had her doubts but did not voice them out loud. She laid her head back and closed her eyes even though the sun was shining much too brightly on her face to get any sleep.

888

Jack had no idea how he had made it in but Heaven was amazing. Heaven was a small cozy cabin in the middle of the woods. Lily was standing at the counter in the early morning sunlight, wearing her favorite light blue blouse and brown skirt while cooking eggs and singing quietly. Hawke was sitting at the table looking every bit a savage with baby Sarah in his arms and love in his eyes as he watched his wife.

Jack was sitting on the sofa and Allie was beside him. His beautiful Allie. With her sun goldened skin, full cheeks, bright brown eyes and soft lips. Her dark hair was hanging loose like it always had in the mornings and it was laying in gentle curls over her shoulders and down her back.

She was laughing at Janna who was tugging on the skirt of her pink calico dress and the sound was the best sound Jack had heard in five long years.

People were right about heaven. It was home. Allie looked over at him and laid her soft hand gently on his cheek.

“I love you, doll.” he said feeling emotion rising in his chest. Her hand felt like silk against his rough cheek. She opened her mouth to speak and he couldn’t wait to hear her voice again..

“Wake up.” Jack moved away from her as confusion filled him. Since when did Allie sound like a mean old man?

“Wake up, kid. You’ve been out for days, you need to eat something.” Jack’s eyes flew open and as pain flooded his senses he realized that his idea of Heaven had been nothing but a dream. His eyes widened when he saw a dirty old face mere inches from his own.

“Who the hell are you and where the hell am I?” Jack demanded though his voice came out as barely more than a cracked whisper and the coughing fit that followed brought tears of pain to his eyes. His entire body hurt and his chest filled with pain every time he took a breath.

“My name’s Felix Coots.” The man replied as he lifted Jack’s head and held a glass of cool water to his lips. Jack took several long sips. “And you are in my home in the Dakotas. North Dakota if you want to get technical.”

Jack looked at the short, thin man as he stood up and walked across the small one room cabin to stir something that smelled like broth in a large pot above the fire. The cabin was small and warm. The walls were old and scarred. There were two small rocking chairs in front of the fireplace, a tiny round table with two chairs sat in the corner of the room and Jack was lying on a straw mattress bed on the other side. There were no windows and the door was shut tight so it was impossible to tell what time of day it was.

Felix came back over with a bowl of broth and a spoon. Jack looked at the man’s heavily wrinkled face covered in a thick red beard and mustache. He had thinning red hair that was wild and messy atop his head and he was wearing thick furs and skins for clothes. He gave Jack a nearly toothless grin and held up the bowl.

“Time for supper.” he said. Jack’s pride had him wanting to feed himself but his body refused to work so he let Felix feed him several large spoonfulls of the bland broth.

“Sorry if it don’t taste all that great. Penelope, that’s my wife, she always did all the cooking ’round here but she passed away three months, two weeks and five days ago. Since then the foods kinda gone downhill.”

“Sorry bout your wife.” Jack said shaking his head when Felix tried to give him another spoonful of broth. Felix shrugged and sat the bowl down on the side table.

“How did I get here?” Jack asked looking underneath the blanket he was covered with to find himself wearing only his underwear. His body was covered in bandages and there was a splint on his left leg.

“I found ya. You were damn lucky if you ask me. The rest of them poor folks the outlaws had a go at didn’t make it.” Jack nodded and closed his eyes. Clearly Felix though he’d been on that coach and he wasn’t going to tell the old man any different.

“Are you a doctor?” Jack asked. Felix laughed loudly and Jack smelled the alcohol on his breath.

“Heck no. Not me. I’m just an old trapper. But I’ve been patching up myself and my critters for the last sixty two years. I ain’t never seen nobody beat up as bad as you though.”

“Was it bad?” Jack asked though he already knew the answer. He let out a long breath to fight off the nausea as another wave of pain washed over him.

“Real bad.” Felix said with a nod. “Ya took a bullet in your leg and broke the bone. Another bullet hit your lung. Two bullets went into your sides but they came out the back and luckily didn’t hit none of the important stuff and then you had another bullet that went through your shoulder… Course it didn’t look like it was the first one to go through that shoulder. Damn kid but I ain’t never seen nobody with more scars than you’ve got. You must have pissed somebody off mighty bad!” Jack nodded.

“Yeah you could say that.” he said and then he groaned as the pain in his chest grew stronger.

“I ain’t got nothing for pain kid and I didn’t want to leave you to go get nothing.. You’ve been laying there for almost a week fighting off one hell of a fever. You’re lucky your brain still works cuz I’ve heard of men whose brains quit working right after fevers like that.”

“My brain hasn’t ever worked right.” Jack replied managing a small smile. Felix laughed and slapped himself on the thigh as he sat down in a chair at the small table.

“Naw mine ain’t either I reckon.” he said. “I got some whiskey that’ll help with the pain if you want me to get you a glass.” Jack shook his head, wincing when that movement caused it to start throbbing.

“No. I don’t drink.” he replied.

“Don’t drink?” Felix asked with disbelief. “What kind of man don’t drink?” Jack was getting tired and his head was starting to feel fuzzy as his eyelids grew heavy.

“I got drunk when I was younger and did something real stupid. I haven’t been much of a drinker since.” he said though his voice was growing weaker.

“I heard that. Sometimes life teaches us lessons the hard way.” Felix said with a nod. “Well get ya some rest then, kid, and I’ll head into town and get some medicine from the doc.” he said standing up. Jack watched him walk out the door and felt the cold wind blast threw the door before Felix closed it.

He relaxed against the warm bed and closed his eyes, praying that maybe, just maybe, he could visit heaven for a few more hours.

Chapter Three

“Home.” Hawke sighed as his cabin came into view. Janna came running over from the barn and Allie jumped from her horse and dropped to her knees in front of her. She wrapped her arms tight around Janna’s neck and buried her face in her thick white fur.

“I missed you.” she said to the best friend that she had in the world. Janna yipped in agreement and licked Allie’s face enthusiastically.

“Where’s Wolf?” Lily asked Hawke and he pointed toward the barn with the hand that wasn’t wrapped tight around his daughters tiny waist. Lily smiled when she saw Wolf walking toward them. He was moving much more slowly than Janna had. Taking the time to stretch out each leg and shake out his thick gray fur. Wolf and Janna were complete opposites. Janna was excitable, enthusiastic and always full of energy and bouncing while Wolf was…. Well Wolf was a lot like Hawke. But somehow the two wolves seemed to get along and were almost always side by side.

“I’m going to the lake.” Allie said after they had put all the horses into their stalls.

“Take Sarah with you.” Hawke said, his green eyes locked intensely on Lily. Allie rolled her eyes when she saw her sister’s eyes darken as she looked at Hawke and her face flush with passion. Allie was amazed that the two of them still looked at each other that way after six years together.

“Come on, Sarah. Your mommy and daddy want some alone time.” she said with a wink. Sarah giggled and started skipping toward the woods.

“Come on, Wolf.” Sarah said though she did not have to because Wolf was wrapped around the tiny girls chubby finger and was already following after her like an obedient little puppy. Allie shook her head and followed after her.

“Come with me, naakiiwa. “ Hawke said once he and Lily were alone. “Two weeks was too long for this man to wait to have his woman alone.”

“This woman is tired of waiting too.” Lily replied as she pressed herself up against him. Hawke’s eyes flashed and Lily let out a yelp of surprise when he quickly scooped her up into his arms and carried her to the cabin.

“What are you doing?” she asked with a breathless laugh. Hawke smiled, his face looking predatory and hungry.

“Your man will not make you wait another second.” Lily felt herself tremble at the passion and promise in his voice.

888

Allie sat on the cold gray rocks and wrapped her coat tighter around herself as she watched Sarah throwing rocks into the icy water. She wasn’t worried about the girl falling in because Wolf was standing right beside her and anytime she got too close he would grab her fur coat in his teeth and pull her away from the waters edge.

Allie scratched Janna behind her ears and sighed.

“What am I gonna do girl?” she asked quietly. She didn’t want Sarah to hear her talking to Janna like a person but she needed to think out loud. “I miss Jack so much. Why do I still miss him? He is a big jerk and he hasn’t once even wrote me a letter or anything in five years to show that he misses me.” Allie thought back to the first year or so after Jack had left. She had waited and watched for him, knowing in her heart that he wouldn’t be able to stay gone, but he had.

Five long years he had been gone and her anger and confusion had only grown. She wondered sometimes if he was even still alive but the thought of him being dead caused her blood to run cold so she tried hard not to ever think about that.

She turned her thoughts to Gavin. Sweet Gavin. He really was a great man and he cared a lot about her. His letters always spoke of how much he cared and he always wrote of how beautiful he thought she was. He didn’t even seem to mind the scar on her cheek.

But something was missing. The spark that she saw between Lily and Hawke was nowhere to be found when she looked at Gavin. She liked him. He was a great friend and she felt she could tell him just about anything but she wasn’t sure if she loved him. Was there such a thing as love without desire?

Allie picked up a stone and threw it as hard as she could out into the lake causing Sarah to laugh happily.

“Do it again, Aunt Allie!” she said as she hopped up and down and clapped. Allie shrugged and picked up another rock. What better way to beat stress than to throw things?

When Sarah and Allie finally made it back to the cabin Hawke had a warm fire burning in the fireplace and Lily had a chicken baking and potatoes frying.

“Did you two have fun?” Lily asked as she helped Sarah pull off her cold clothes and kissed her frozen, red nose. Sarah nodded.

“Lots of fun!” she said.

“Did you?” Allie asked with a grin as she laid her coat over a chair. Lily blushed and turned her attention back to the pie crust she was making.

“Yes we did.” Hawke spoke up as he walked toward the door. Allie sighed as Hawke gave Lily a hungry look and then walked out of the cabin. She saw her sister bite her lip and take a deep breath and she wondered if she would ever have a man who made her feel the way Hawke made Lily feel.

888

Jack sat up, ignoring the pain shooting through his shoulder, sides and leg.

“Dammit, why couldn’t one of those bullets have found its way to my head?” he growled. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and then wiped the sweat from his face and took several deep breaths to combat the pain and nausea.

He looked around the empty cabin and thought about shooting Felix just because the old man could go outside and he couldn’t. Jack had been in this bed for three weeks but he had been awake and in this bed for two and he was going crazy. He had to get outside and breath some fresh air or he was going to lose his mind. Or at least what little mind he had left.

He beat his head up against his fist several times and then he laid his hand on the bedside table and tried to push himself up to his feet.

“What the hell are you doing?” Felix demanded as he slammed open the cabin door. Jack was startled by his sudden appearance and fell back into the bed with a yell of pain.

“Son of a bitch, you old bastard! Don’t you know better than to scare a half dead man!”

“You yell pretty good for a half dead man.” Felix said matter of factly. “Now look, we done had to reset your splint once because you insisted that you had to have pants on and you about killed me for it so lets not do that again.”

“I can’t stay in this bed no more. I’ve started talking to the damn knots on the wall just to hear the sound of a voice. That’s gotta be a sign that I’m losing my mind. Hell maybe the damn fever did more damage than we thought it did.” Felix was chuckling and shaking his head as Jack ranted and he helped Jack sit up against the wall and get comfortable.

“You ain’t crazy. Least not any crazier than you were before you got shot all to hell. You’ve just got a touch of cabin fever is all but the doctor said you gotta stay off that leg for at least another three weeks to make sure the bones heal right. If you want I can look into getting a wheelchair….”

“Hell no. I don’t need a wheel chair.”

“Fine then stubborn ass. Stay in that bed for three more weeks.” Felix said waving his hand as if dismissing the topic. He put some more wood on the fire and poked it around to build the flames before sitting down in a chair at the table and running his hand over his thick red beard.

“Where you from, kid? You’ve been staying here with me a while now and I don’t know a thing about you.”

“There’s nothing to know. I got no home. The past is over, the future is blank as far as I can tell and well the present is a living hell.”

“What were you doing on that stage? Did you have family that got killed that day?”

“No. I didn’t have no family.”

“You talk a whole hell of a lot until I turn the subject to you and where you’re from and then you clam up like a preacher caught at the whorehouse.” Jack chuckled and then laid his hand over his aching chest.

“I promise my life ain’t that interesting of a story so you ain’t missing nothing.” Jack wasn’t going to tell Felix about being one of the people who had held up the stage.. Not until he was well enough to take care of himself. He had learned over the last few weeks that Felix was a firm believer in justice and people paying for the wrong they had done. If Felix knew the things Jack had been a part of in his life he would kick him out his cabin and onto his ass quicker than Jack could blink

“You got three more weeks here with me kid. I’ll get the story out of ya eventually.” Felix said as he grabbed a deck of cards and walked over to the bed. He dealt out a game and the two men played in silence for a while.

“How old are you kid? Will you at least tell me that?” Felix asked finally.

“How old do you think I am?” Jack asked as he folded a bad hand.

“Judging by them scars I’d say you’d have to be at least forty but that face is too darn cute to be forty.”

“Cute?” Jack asked raising a brow. This was the first time he had ever been called cute by a grown man and he wasn’t sure what to think of it.

“Yeah, ya know you got one of them faces that drive the women crazy and make everybody trust ya. Strong jaw, good cheekbones, straight nose, and them dimples with them blue eyes. I bet all the women love ya.  Even if your hair is getting too long and your face is covered in a few weeks of stubble.”

“Felix, I’m not sure I’m comfortable with the direction this conversation has taken.”

“And yet you’re helpless to get away.” Felix said with a chuckle. Before Felix could blink Jack has his knife pulled and the tip of it was less than an inch from his face.

“I ain’t helpless.” he warned. Then he wondered what in the hell he was doing when Felix began to stutter and backed a few inches away. Jack put his knife back and forced an apologetic grin.

“Sorry about that.” he said. He had learned quick while with his father and brother to never let someone see you as helpless. Helpless people made easy targets. Jack had learned that lesson the hard way.

“I’m guessin that somewhere in that past that is over something happened to make you real damn jumpy.” Felix said as he went back to dealing the cards. Jack just nodded but said nothing.

“So how old are ya Jack?”

“Twenty-one.”

“Shit. You’re young.” Felix said matter of factly.

“I don’t feel it most of the time.” Jack replied. “Most of the time I feel real damn old.”

“Well from the looks of ya most of the time you’re getting stabbed, shot or whipped.. I’d say that’ll make a fella feel old.” Jack nodded and Felix let out a curse when Jack turned up three aces to his pair of sevens.

“Speaking of women.” Felix said and Jack wondered who had mentioned women. “How many have ya had. If you know what I mean.” he added with a wink and nudge to Jack’s arm with his elbow.

“I’ve had a few of those women.” Jack replied with a nod. “But it’s been a long time though since I’ve felt that lonely.”

“I understand that. Sometimes the world gets so dark a tender touch from a paid stranger is better than facing a cold night alone.” Jack nodded and folded his hand.

“What about a special woman. One that was more than just a remedy for a lonely night. You ever had one of those?” Jack’s jaw tenses as he nodded.

“Yeah. We were young though and I was stupid. I threw that away like it was nothing and I’m sure by now she’s forgot all about me and is making some other man really happy.”

“What happened?” Felix asked and Jack shook his head at the mans nosiness but he laid his back against the wall and let out a long breath.

“I got drunk and I gave another woman something that I should have been saving just for her.” Felix nodded with understanding and shrugged as he dealt out another hand.

“Well even the best of men screw up sometimes.” he said. Jack nodded and rubbed a hand over his stubble covered face.

“And I’m nowhere near the best.” Felix shook his head and patted him on the good shoulder.

“Neither am I kid and even I got blessed with my Penelope. I had her by my side for forty-five years before the Lord took her away from me. Don’t worry. Your life will turn around.” Jack nodded and kept making small talk and playing cards but inside his heart and soul were broken. He had nothing and no one. He had killed people that didn’t deserve to die. He had stolen from hardworking people and taken everything they had.. He had stood by and let innocent women and children be raped and murdered while their husbands and fathers bled to death nearby helpless to do anything to save their families….

Jack knew he would never be truly happy again. He had had everything once upon a time and he had thrown it away and sold his soul to the devil. His pa was long gone now but so was any hope that Jack had for a future.

Chapter Four

There isn’t a child who hasn’t gone out into the brave new world who eventually doesn’t return to the old homestead carrying a bundle of dirty clothes. ~Art Buchwald

 “See kid, I told ya you’d be good as new in no time.” Felix said as Jack stood up and stretched out his now splint free leg. Jack nodded as he shrugged into his worn out brown leather vest pulling it over the new white shirt that Felix had given him. The black trousers on his legs were also from Felix.

It had taken longer than they had thought it would for his leg to heal and he had been living here in Felix’s cabin for nearly two months instead of just six weeks.

“If that was no time then I would hate to see how forever feels.” Jack replied. He grabbed his gun belt off the bedside table and buckled it around his lean waist.

“You leaving me already?” Felix asked. Jack nodded.

“I’ve imposed on ya long enough. I’ll pay you for all you’ve done just as soon as I get some money.” Felix waved his hand.

“Just having some company to get me through the rest of the winter was payment enough. This cabin was awfully lonely without my wife.”

“Just the same I’ll pay you back someday.” Jack replied as he put his hat on his head.

“Where you headed to, kid?” Felix asked as he followed Jack outside into the early morning sunlight. Jack shrugged.

“I don’t know yet.” he replied.

“Ain’t you got a family to go home to?” Felix asked. “You ain’t never mentioned one but I just assumed you had one somewhere.” Jack stared up at the sun sadly for a moment and then shook his head.

“Naw I ain’t got a family. The only place I ever had a real home was Great Valley but they won’t want me back.”

“Why not?” Felix asked as he sat down on the porch swing. Jack leaned against the banister and sighed as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“They were the closest thing I ever had to a family. The special girl, the one I told you about, her name was Allie and I lived with her and her sister and her sisters husband. Her sister Lily was the closest thing to a mom I ever had even though she’s only a couple years older than me. She made me clothes, cooked for me, taught me to read and write and patched me up when I hurt myself and was just always there with something nice to say.

“Hawke, her husband, he is easily the most intimidating man you’ll ever meet. He don’t talk a whole lot but usually when he does speak what he says has meaning. He was always trying to teach me and guide me and tell me wrong from right.. Back then it irritated me and I didn’t appreciate a damn thing he said because I thought I was already a grown man and knew all I needed to know.” Jack snorted at his own foolish boyhood stupidity. “They were damn good people.” he added.

“That sounds an awful lot like a family to me.” Felix said matter of factly as he rocked back and forth and looked out over the long grasses and plains around them. Jack nodded.

“I guess they were.” he agreed. “But I can’t go back there. I burnt my bridges pretty damn good and lost them.” Felix chuckled and shook his head.

“You can’t lose family, kid. Trust me, with some of the nuts growing on my tree I wish ya could but you can’t. They’re your family no matter what ya do and I think you should go on home.” Jack wanted to believe that was true but would Lily and Hawke let him back in their home if they knew the kinds of things he had done and let happen? Would Allie welcome him back or was she married now and madly in love with someone else? Jack didn’t think he could stand to watch her love someone else. Thoughts of her were all that had gotten him through a hell of a lot of dark days and nights the past five years.

“There’s stuff you don’t know about me, Felix. Stuff that even my family won’t be able to see past.” he said sadly. Felix pulled a toothpick from his pocket and stuck it in his mouth.

“You ain’t given them much credit kid. If they loved and cared about ya as much as you say then you need to leave the decision up to them on whether or not to forgive and quit leaving it up to yourself.” Jack let out a long breath and decided that now was the time to tell Felix the kind of man he’d been nursing back to health the last two months. He just hoped Felix didn’t run him off at gunpoint because he really did like the old man.

“I got something I need to be telling you, Felix.” Jack said looking out at the sunrise.

“What’s that, kid?”

“I wasn’t a passenger on the stage that day.” Felix pulled the toothpick from his mouth and nodded.

“I done figured that out.” Jack’s eyes widened.

“How?” Felix smiled and stuck the toothpick back in his mouth.

“When I went to town to get your pain medicine back when ya first woke up I heard some people talkin. They said there was only five passengers on that stage and all their bodies were already found and buried.” Jack nodded and took a deep breath before saying what he hoped wouldn’t make the old man hate him. Jack knew it would be easier to just walk away and never tell Felix the truth but he wanted to be honest with the man who had saved his life.

“I was part of the gang that held the stage up.” Felix stared hard at Jack for several long tense moments as he chewed on his toothpick with his toothless gums. Jack stood straight and ran his hand over his beardy face.

“They shot ya?” Felix asked and Jack nodded. “Damn kid, you must a really pissed them off bad because it don’t seem like they liked you very much at all.” Jack couldn’t help but grin.

“Yea I guess I did piss ’em off pretty bad.” he replied.

“Why don’t ya have ya a seat on that rocking chair and tell me about it.” Before Jack even realized what he was doing he had launched into his life story, starting back when his ma and step pa had died and ending when his pa’s bullets had ripped through his body just two months ago.

Felix listened patiently and never interrupted him once and when Jack finished he was surprised to see that the old man wasn’t looking at him with anger or with pity but simply with understanding.

“You could have told me sooner.” Felix said matter of factly. “I wouldn’t have turned ya out. If there is one thing my Penelope taught me in the forty-five years we were together it was to always help those in need. Whether you agree with how they live their life or not.” Jack just nodded and said nothing as he stood up and walked to the edge of the porch.

“Borrow one of my horses to get ya to town and just leave him at the livery and I’ll pick him up later.” Felix said as he too stood up on his old creaking bones.

“Thanks.” Jack replied.

“Go home kid. Them people you told me about would probably be damn happy to know that you’re still alive and okay. Ya need to just go home.” Jack nodded but didn’t say anything as he went into the barn and came out several minutes later on a brown mare.

“Thanks for everything you’ve done for me, Felix.” he said. Felix just gave him a toothless smile and stood on the porch waving until Jack was out of sight.

Jack rode into the small town, the mares hooves sloshing through the mud covered streets. The air was growing warmer and the snow had all melted leaving everything a mess of mud and water. Jack jumped down from the horse once he got to the livery and cursed as his boots sunk a good four inches into the muck and drops of mud splattered all over his pants.

“This horse belongs to Felix Coots. Put it up and see that he gets it back.” Jack said to the stable hand who nodded and took the reins. Jack turned his back and walked away.

First thing Jack needed to do was find a way to make some money. He had no horse, no supplies and not a cent to his name. The only thing he had to sell were the pearl handle grips on his revolver and he would part with his right hand before he parted with those. He saw a man down the road smoking a cigarette and was tempted to shoot the man to get hold of his tobacco but instead he walked down the road to him and asked him for a smoke.

Jack leaned against the banisters in front of the mercantile as he puffed his newfound cigarette and tried to think of a way to get some money. He could steal it but he didn’t want to be that man anymore.

He looked over at the blacksmith shop and listened to the sound of metal pounding metal. His sharp eyes caught sight of a sign on the door that read ‘help wanted’. It had been a hell of a long time since he had blacksmithed but the smithy here didn’t need to know that.

Jack took one last long draw off the cigarette before throwing it down in the mud and heading across the waterlogged street. He blew out the smoke in one giant cloud and walked inside the shop.

“What can I do for you?” The blacksmith asked standing straight and setting his hammer down on a wooden table. The man was short and stocky with thick black beard and hair. His eyes were dark and set in a permanent squint as he looked at Jack.

“I saw your sign. I’ve done a bit of blacksmith work in the past and I could use some money.” The blacksmith nodded and pointed to an extra leather apron.

“I only need the help for the next three days until my partner gets back to work but if you do a good job for me I’ll pay ya three dollars.” Jack couldn’t believe his luck. Three dollars was a heck of a lot of money for just three days of work. He nodded and pulled on the leather apron, happy to finally be earning money instead of taking it out of someone’s back pocket.

Jack walked into the telegram office that evening and walked up to the sleepy looking clerk at the counter. The clerk sniffed and looked down his long pointy nose at Jack and Jack couldn’t blame the man. He didn’t have money for a bath and he was covered in black soot and ash.

“I need to send a telegraph to Great Valley, Montana.” The thin man nodded and pushed his square framed glasses up on his nose.

“Who is it for?”

“Hawke Owen.” Jack replied trying to ignore the nervous fluttering inside his stomach as the man wrote Hawke’s name on a piece of paper.

“Okay. And what would you like to say to Mr. Owen?” the man asked and Jack nearly laughed out loud. He was sure Hawke had never had anyone call him Mr. Owen. Then suddenly Jack didn’t feel like laughing anymore when he realized he didn’t know what to say. Should he beg forgiveness? Say Hawke was right? His mind was racing trying to think of just what he should say.

“Sir.” The clerk said with irritation. “What would you like to say in your telegram?” Jack sighed and pulled off his hat to scratch at his hair that was getting entirely too long and hanging to his chin.

“Can I come home?” he replied with a shrug.

Three days later Jack walked into the telegraph office and hoped that today would be the day he heard from Hawke. He was done working at the blacksmith shop, he had left one dollar at the mercantile for Felix and so he had two dollars to his name now instead of nothing.

“Any messages for me?” Jack asked the clerk when he walked in. The clerk wrinkled his nose and happily grabbed a piece of paper from beneath the counter and handed it to Jack. Hopefully now the dirty, stinky man would not come back.

Jack took the message outside before leaning against the wall of the telegraph office and opening it. In true Hawke form it only said one word.

Yes.

Jack couldn’t believe his eyes. He had a home to go to. He could take the train to Helena and then catch the stage to Great Valley. It would probably take close to two weeks to get there but at least he had somewhere to go.

Only one problem remained and that was the fact that two dollars was not going to get him all the way to Great Valley. He looked down the road at the only saloon on the main street and smiled. If there was one thing he was really good at other than thieving, it was poker.

Chapter Five

“Why are you so tense and on edge?” Lily asked her husband as he paced back and forth on the porch. Sarah thought it was great fun as she marched behind him but Lily was getting dizzy watching the two of them.

“I am not tense or on edge.” Hawke replied as his pace increased. Allie looked up from the book she was reading and nodded.

“Yes you are. You always pace when you’re tense about something.” she said. Hawke stopped pacing instantly and Sarah laughed when she ran headfirst into the back of his long legs.

“Do it again, daddy!” she exclaimed. Hawke shook his head and tousled her thick black curls.

“I am going to go hunting.” he said. He gave both Sarah and Lily a gentle kiss to the forehead and then laid a gentle hand on Lily’s slightly rounded belly before walking off the porch and into the woods with Wolf beside him.

“Janna stay.” he told the excitable beast as she tried to follow him as well. “Protect.” he added while pointing back at the porch. Janna turned and started back toward the cabin only to be distracted by a butterfly as it glided on the breeze past her nose. Hawke shook his head and walked away as she chased and snapped at the poor insect.

He didn’t really need to hunt but his mind had been racing for weeks and he was beginning to lose his sanity. He had not told Lily or Allie that Jack was coming home and waiting on the boy to show up was testing his patience and resolve. Should he tell his wife and sister-in-law? Of course he should. He knew he should but that did not change the fact that he wasn’t going to.

Maybe it was because Hawke was scared that the boy wouldn’t really show up. Lily and Allie had both cried for a long time after Jack had left and though neither of them had talked about him or mentioned his name in years Hawke knew they still missed him. He didn’t want to get their hopes up and have the boy let them down yet again.

Hawke tried to say that he didn’t care whether the boy came or not but he knew he was lying to himself. Hawke thought about Jack nearly everyday. Hawke had always loved silence and quiet but he found he missed Jack’s nearly constant rambling when he was out in these woods hunting and trapping alone.

Hawke shook his head to clear his thoughts and focus on hunting. Lily would know without a doubt that something was bothering him if he came home empty handed.

888

“Gavin is going to be arriving tomorrow.” Lily said keeping her voice light and carefree as if she was talking about the weather. She watched Allie’s face to judge her reaction and she didn’t miss the tightening of her jaw or the widening of her eyes as she looked down at her book.

“Yeah he is.” Allie replied. Lily looked back down at the hole she was mending in one of Hawke’s shirts.

“Have you thought about what he asked you?” she asked innocently. Allie let out an irritated sigh and laid her book in her lap.

“That is ALL I have thought about.” she replied.

“So….”

“So what? What am I going to do?” Allie demanded. “You sure are nosey today.”

“I’m not nosey, I’m your sister and I’m worried about you. You don’t act happy and when the man you love asks you to be his wife, you’re supposed to be happy.”

“I’m happy as hell.” Allie replied as she stood up.

“That’s a bad word.” Sarah scolded, looking up from her dolls. Allie smiled down at the girl.

“Sorry.” she said with a shrug. Then she looked back at her sister.

“I am happy. I’m just not sure yet that I’m ready to get married. I mean Gavin and I haven’t spent a whole lot of time together. How do I know he’s the man I’m supposed to marry?”

“You should just know.” Lily replied simply. “When I met Hawke, it was instant. There was something about his eyes and the way he looked at me that told me instantly that he was the man that I had been made to love. Look inside yourself and think of Gavin. If you don’t get butterflies and smile at just the thought of him then maybe you should tell him no.”

“I’m going for a walk.” Allie said stepping off the porch and walking down the path toward the lake. The lake was her favorite spot to think and she had a lot of thinking to do.

She sat down on the cool rocks and smiled when she heard Janna’s claws clicking on the rocks behind her. She wrapped one arm tight around Janna’s neck as the wolf sat down beside her.

“I don’t know what to do.” Allie said aloud. There only been one person to ever give her butterflies and he was gone. She had never felt the heat or passion that she saw pass between Hawke and Lily. She was a grown woman and wanted to feel those feelings for a man but no matter how hard she tried she just didn’t feel them for Gavin.

She pulled the diamond ring from her pocket and let the small rays of sunlight coming through the trees glint off the shining rock. She took her sisters advice and thought of Gavin. She pictured his smooth pale face, his small green eyes and his aristocratic nose and sharp cheekbones. She felt her heart fill with tenderness but no butterflies and her lips did not curve into an uncontrollable smile.

But that tenderness had to mean something didn’t it? And surely it would grow into more the longer she was with Gavin. Gavin was a good man. He cared about her and she cared about him.

Without warning an image of Jack’s face with that mischievous smile of his and his bright blue eyes shining came to her mind. Butterflies filled her stomach as she remembered the way it felt when he had held her hand and she smiled.

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me!” she exclaimed loudly and Janna jumped when Allie’s sudden outburst startled her.

“I have had enough of this.” she said. “Jack is gone and I just need to forget about the what could have beens and look at what I have now.” Allie reached down into the front of her dress and pulled out the necklace that she had been wearing everyday for five years.

The J and the A carved into the hearts were starting to get worn from the number of times she had taken it out and rubbed her fingers across it. She needed to just rip this necklace off and throw it away. It was just an empty token of a love that had never really existed. She untied the frayed yarn holding the necklace on and closed her hand around it tightly. She counted to ten and then with a grunt she let the necklace fly.

It landed on the still lake water with a splash and Allie pulled her knees to her chest and sobbed into her skirt. She was crying too hard to hear Janna jump into the water and only when she felt Janna’s cold wet face pressing against her cheek did she look up and see her standing there with the hearts hanging out of her mouth.

“Stupid wolf.” Allie said and then she took a deep shuddering breath and wiped her face dry on her skirt. She took the necklace from Janna’s mouth and looked down at it.

Jack was gone. He was just a dream now that had never really come true. But he was a memory that she wasn’t ready to completely let go of. For a year of her life he had been her best friend and her fourteen year old heart had been completely devoted to him. She tied the necklace back around her neck and hid the hearts once again beneath her dress. She looked back down at the ring still in her hand and took a deep breath before sliding it onto the ring finger of her left hand.

Gavin was a good man and he loved her and what more could she ask for? She cared about him and surely as they spent more time together as husband and wife the passion would appear and grow…. Maybe Lily was wrong and passionate attraction did not always happen right away.

888

“You decided to marry Gavin.” Lily stated as she looked at Allie’s ring at the table that night as the family ate dinner. Allie quickly hid her left hand on her lap and nodded.

“Yes.”

“You did?” Hawke asked, raising his brow with disbelief. Allie rolled her eyes and held out her hand to show him her ring.

“Yes I did.”

“Why?” Hawke said barely glancing at the ring before looking back at her.

“Because he loves me.”

“Do you love him?” Hawke asked. Allie wanted to tell him to mind his own business but she knew that Hawke only said what he said because he cared so much.

“I think I might.”

“Before you marry him, you should let him see the real you that you have kept hidden. He does not even know that you curse when you are angry or that you shoot as well as any man alive.”

“I don’t curse that much when I’m mad.” Allie argued and she saw the small smile trying to pull at Hawke’s mouth. “And maybe I want to keep how well I shoot a secret, that way if he ever makes me mad he’ll be dang surprised when I blow him a new hole to poop out of.”

“A new hole to poop out of! You’re funny, Aunt Allie!” Sarah said with a loud laugh. Lily shook her head and let out an exasperated breath.

“Would you please stop teaching her those kinds of things?” she begged. Allie laughed and felt peace fill her. She was sure she was making the right decision. It might not be the great love that Lily and Hawke had but that didn’t mean it wouldn’t be good enough.

Chapter Six

Jack was growing more nervous by the second as he sat in the hard stage coach seat and looked out the window at the forests and fields they passed through.

He knew that within the next few hours he would be in Great Valley and he had no idea what he was going to say to everyone. Hawke might have said he could come home but Hawke did not know yet the kinds of things Jack had been a part of and done. How did you tell the people you cared about the most that you were a murderer and a thief?

“What’s your name?” the man sitting across from him asked. They were the only two on the stage and had not spoken a word to each other since boarding in Helena.

“Jack.” The man nodded and adjusted the vest of his fancy gray suit. Jack looked down at his own dirt and mud covered clothes and wondered how much the man must have paid for that suit.

“What’s your name?” Jack asked.

“Gavin Henderson. I am going to be running the new bank in Great Valley.”

“Great Valley is getting a bank?” Jack asked. Gavin nodded.

“Yeah the town is really growing thanks to the oil and lumber mill moving in.” he replied. “What are you planning on doing while you’re there?” Jack shrugged and ran his hand over his beard as he looked out the window.

“I just got some business to take care of is all.” he replied. Gavin nodded. Clearly Jack was a private man and a dangerous one if the gun on his hip and the sharpness of his eyes were any indication.

“I’m hoping that I have a fiance waiting on me when I get to the station.” Gavin said. He was tired of silence so even if he had to do the majority of the talking it was better than nothing.

“Hoping?” Jack asked raising a brow and looking over at the other man.

“Well I asked her a few months ago but she was not quite ready to say yes or no. I will find out what her answer is when I see her and see whether or not she is wearing my ring.”

“Good luck.” Jack said turning his attention back out to the road. Gavin continued to talk but Jack was no longer listening. A movement at the side of the road had caught his attention. A man was limping out into the road clutching his leg and grimacing in pain. When Jack felt the coach beginning to slow he yelled out the window.

“No you idiots! Don’t stop!” But it was too late. The limping man stood straight and went for his gun even as shots rang out from the trees.

“Get down!” Jack yelled, grabbing Gavin by the vest and throwing him down on the floor of the stage. Jack threw himself down over the man as bullets ripped holes through the stage walls.

Jack’s hat flew off his head when a bullet ripped through the brim and Jack felt the breeze from several other bullets as they whizzed past his head.

“What is going on?” Gavin demanded his voice loud and fearful.

“Be quiet.” Jack replied harshly as the bullets stopped flying and he listened to the movements outside the stage.

“I reckon they’re dead.” a man said. Jack heard footsteps walking up to the stage. Three different sets.

“I told you two this would be easy. Now all we gotta do is get in there and take whatever they got on ’em… Easy money.”

“Oh my God we’re gonna die.” Gavin whimpered from beneath Jack.

“Hey did you hear that! That sounded like a damn woman! They’re still alive in there!” Jack growled and slapped Gavin in the back of the head.

“What part of be quiet was not clear enough for you, woman.” he snapped.

“Are they gonna kill us?” Gavin asked in a fearful, shaking voice.

“Hell no. They’re gonna learn our names and ask us out to dinner, you damn idiot. Of course they’re gonna kill us.” Jack replied angrily. “Now shut the hell up.” Gavin whimpered and fell silent and Jack sent up a prayer of thanks for small miracles.

“Should we shoot some more?” One of the men outside asked.

“Hell no we’re gonna run out of bullets.” a second replied. Jack sent up another thankful prayer. Not only was Gavin silent but the outlaws trying to rob them were apparently the village idiots.

“We’re gonna be just fine city boy. I’m gonna get ya back to your fiancee safe and sound.” Jack assured Gavin and then he yelled loudly. “Hey don’t shoot no more!”

“You got a gun in there with ya?” the first man asked.

“Yeah.” Jack replied.

“Toss it out.” Jack pulled his revolver and threw it out the window.

“What are you doing?” Gavin demanded.

“I’m gonna throw you out the window next if you don’t shut up.”

“Okay now open the door and step on out.” the first man said. This was not Jack’s first rodeo and he knew that the moment he opened that door he was gonna get shot and so he just had to make sure that he was a little bit quicker than they were.

Jack stood up and Gavin grabbed his arm and was about to speak but the ice in Jack’s eyes had his mouth snapping shut. Jack pulled his knife and took a deep breath before throwing open the door.

His knife was sailing through the air before the door fully opened and the center man slumped to the ground as it sunk to its hilt in his forehead. Jack jumped to the ground and crouched as the second two men fired shots where he’d been standing seconds before. He pulled his derringer pistol from his boot and fired two quick shots and then all was silent….

All except for Gavin’s nervous chattering and gasps as he stumbled down off the stage coach and looked at the dead men.

“Are… Are they…. Are they dead?” he whispered as if he feared the words would have the dead men jumping back to life. Jack walked up to the first man and yanked his knife back out of his head.

“Nope.” he said as he wiped the knife clean on the dead mans pants. “They’re sleeping.”

“What are you? I have never seen anything like that.” Gavin said as he regained his composure.

“I’m a blacksmith.” Jack replied as he walked over and picked his revolver back up. He slid it into its holster and pushed past Gavin to reach in the stage door and grab his hat. He stuck his finger through the hole in the brim and cursed.

“I oughta shoot the son of a bitches again. I was just getting the damn hat broke in the way I liked it.” Gavin watched in horror as Jack stuck the hat on his head and then began going through the dead men’s pockets.

“You can’t do that! That’s stealing!” he exclaimed. Jack grunted as he stuck some newfound money in his pocket and moved to the next man.

“I don’t think they care.” he said and he let out a satisfied chuckle when he found a pouch of tobacco and rolling papers.

“How do you know they don’t care, they’re dead?” Gavin demanded. Jack rolled his eyes. Gavin did not belong out here and needed to go back to the city where a pansy ass like him stood half a chance. Jack stood up straight and looked around at the dead outlaws.

“If any of you dead men want to keep your stuff speak up.” he said. He shrugged after several seconds of silence and grinned over at Gavin.

“Looks like I got me some new smokes.” he said sticking the tobacco and papers in his pocket. “Now to find some matches.”

Twenty minutes later Jack was driving the stage toward Great Valley. Gavin was riding in the stage with the dead driver and shotgun man because he had been scared to death that more outlaws would attack and kill him if he was up front with Jack.

Jack took a long draw of his cigarette and leaned back in the drivers seat. There had been a time when killing those men would have bothered him. But that was five years and a whole lot of hell ago. Now Jack lived by the motto of shoot first and ask questions later and killing men who wanted him dead did not bother him at all.

888

“You wait here on Gavin and I’m going to run over to the mercantile and give Ed a list of what I need.” Lily said and Allie nodded distractedly and chewed on her lip as she looked up the road and watched for the stage coach.

Lily sighed and walked down the road toward the mercantile with wolf by her side. She couldn’t stand to be around the stage office. Every time she stepped inside that building she relived the horror of six years ago.

Allie forced herself to stop chewing on her lip when she tasted blood. Her nervous energy had to come out someway though and so her foot started tapping loudly on the wooden porch as she at down on a bench. She looked down at the ring on her left hand and spun it around her finger.

“I wish he would hurry up.” she said impatiently and Janna looked up at her from where she was lying on the porch and seemed to nod with agreement. Allie wondered how Gavin would react to Janna and Wolf. He had never met either of them before.

Allie jumped to her feet when she saw the stage coming over the plains and into town. It came to a stop and her attention was drawn to the single driver up front as he jumped to the ground and landed firm footed and silently on the dirt road.

His back was to her and Allie felt a tremor of excitement pass through her as she took in the sight of him. His shoulders were broad beneath his dirty white shirt and brown vest. His hips were lean and his legs were long. His black trousers hugged his lower body and she felt her blood heat…..

She was shocked by her own thoughts and by her bodies reaction to the sight of this mans back. ’ Great Allie,’ she thought to herself. ‘Your new fiance is on this stage and here you are getting heated up at the sight of the damn coach driver!’

The stage door flew open and the driver turned and Allie got a look at his face for the first time… His black hat was pulled down low over his eyes and his face was covered in a beard. He was long and lean but she couldn’t see a single detail of his face. She wondered why the early spring day seemed to be growing so hot and she turned her attention to Gavin who came jumping out of the stage, rubbing his arms as if trying to clean himself off.

“Remind me to never ride in a stage with dead bodies again, Jack. Although I think those men smelled that bad before you killed them.” Allie’s eyes widened when the driver grinned and nodded in agreement. She felt her head beginning to spin and when he spoke she thought for sure she must be dreaming.

“Yeah I reckon they probably smelled that bad to begin with. ’Course I probably don’t smell real pretty either.”

“Jack…” Allie gasped and his eyes turned to her for the first time. She caught the flash of bright blue beneath the brim of his hat and the world began to spin as her knees buckled and everything went black.

Chapter Seven

Jack could not believe his eyes when they fell on Allie’s face. She had been a beautiful girl but the woman standing feet from him could only described as breathtaking. Her skin was still smooth and tan, her lips were full and her dark hair was hanging in shining waves down her back. Her dark blue blouse hugged her body which had definitely changed in the five years he had been away.

Gone was the skinny girl and in her place was a woman with a full chest, tiny waist and hips that flared out slightly beneath her black skirt. He moved his gaze back to her face and he could see the confusion and disbelief in her big brown eyes. He was about to speak when he saw her eyes roll back in her head and he knew she was fainting.

He moved so quickly he was nearly a blur and he caught her in his arms, pulling her body against his. Even as he felt her starting to stir and regain consciousness seconds later he couldn’t bring himself to let her go. She was so soft and warm against him. He had been living hard the last five years. His life had been cold and bloody and full of death and pain. Now he was holding an angel in his arms and the past was momentarily forgotten.

Allie knew she should pull away from Jack but his arms felt so strong and warm around her and her body seemed to be on fire being pressed against his. She didn’t understand what the reaction was but it was hot and it was intense and it was…. It was passion. It was what she had been trying to feel for two years with Gavin and never could and only seconds after landing in Jack’s arms she was overcome with it.

But no she couldn’t be. She had no idea why Jack was back or where he had been the last five years but the fact remained that he had broken her heart and then left without a word and he hadn’t even tried to contact her since.

“Get your hands off of me.” she said trying to pull away. She made a mental note to kill Janna. If Wolf had been with her, Jack would already be missing a leg but Janna was just watching the scene with her tongue hanging out of her mouth and her tail wagging.

“Allie, love, are you okay?” Gavin asked stepping forward. Jack’s arms suddenly jerked away from her and he jumped back as if he had been burned.

“I’m fine.” Allie replied though she wasn’t sure how she was speaking with her heart pounding so hard in her chest and her mind racing. Gavin grabbed her left hand and smiled happily when he saw his ring shining there. He turned to face Jack and wrapped an arm tight around Allie’s shoulder.

“Thank you, Jack. You saved my life and helped my fiancee all in one day.” Jack felt a possessive kind of anger fill him as Gavin turned his attention back to Allie and kissed her forehead. He didn’t pay attention to what the two of them said to each other as they both smiled. Allie’s eyes darted to him several times but other than that she gave no indication that she cared that he was there.

Jack’s hand kept clutching and releasing the handle of his revolver. Part of him, the dark part that had been guiding him the last five years, wanted to pull his gun and blow a hole right in Gavin’s smiling face. The dark part kept yelling out that Allie was his and no other man had a right to touch her, or hold her the way Gavin was.

But the other part of him, the part with common sense and morals knew that Gavin had every right to be with Allie. He forced his hand away from his gun and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Well I’ll be going now.” he said, looking only at Gavin and keeping his eyes away from Allie. He was worried he would snap and lose hold of what little control he had if he looked at her. “I need to let the Marshall know about the bodies.”

“Bodies?” Allie asked. Gavin nodded.

“We ran into trouble out on the trail but Jack here was a regular hero and the poor saps never stood a chance.” he replied. Allie looked over at Jack but his face was unreadable and his eyes refused to meet hers. She wondered what was going on inside his mind. And she wondered what in the world he was doing back after all this time.

“I’m hungry.” she said suddenly. She had to get away from Jack before she did something crazy like claw his eyes out… She was confused and angry and the way her heart sped up every time she looked at him only made that worse.

“Of course, my dear. Jack, if you’ll excuse us I am going to take my fiancee out to lunch.”

“I have to let my sister know.” Allie said looking over toward the mercantile.

“I’ll tell her for you.” Jack spoke up. “You have fun with your fiance .” The last word left Jack’s mouth sounding like a curse. Gavin’s eyes widened.

“You two know each other?” he asked pointing back and forth between Jack and Allie. Allie couldn’t seem to find her voice to speak so Jack replied.

“We were friends once upon a time.” he said. “But that was a long time ago.” Gavin smiled and nodded, clueless to the turmoil that was going on inside both Allie and Jack.

“Why don’t you join us for lunch then?” he asked.

“No.” Allie said quickly and much too loudly. Gavin eyed her with open curiosity while Jack sneered and took a step away.

“I’ll agree with the lady.’ he said. “I got things to do.” With that he turned and walked down the road toward the jail. Allie saw that he limped slightly and she couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to him in the last five years.

“I can’t tell you how happy I am that you are going to be my wife, Allie. I love you.” Gavin said, taking her attention away from Jack’s retreating back.

“I love you too.” she replied forcing a smile. It was not a lie. She did love him…. But after seeing Jack again she knew for a fact that she was not in love with Gavin. That didn’t change her mind about marrying him though. Jack was the past and Gavin was her future. He held out his arm and she looped hers through his and let him lead her down the road toward the café.

“Honey, I believe there is a wolf following us.” Gavin said looking nervously over his shoulder. Allie nodded and focused her attention on her fiance where it belonged.

“Her name is Janna.” she replied. “Jack found her as a puppy and gave her to me.”

“A pet wolf? Is she dangerous?” Gavin asked. Allie shook her head.

“No.” she replied and she couldn’t help but laugh when Janna became distracted by a bee buzzing around her head, tripped over her own feet and fell face first into a mud puddle.

“There is another one though, Hawke raised him and he’s a little more dangerous to people he doesn’t know.”

“Like me?” Gavin asked.

“You’ll be fine though. As long as he don’t see ya as a threat he’ll leave you alone.” Gavin nodded and then he smiled down at her and wrinkled his forehead.

“I have never noticed your accent before? Have you kept it hidden from me?” he asked. Allie’s eyes widened.

“Uh.. I um.. I…” Gavin grinned with amusement and laid a finger over her lips to silence her.

“You shouldn’t have. I think it’s cute.” he said and then he poked her nose and kissed her forehead gently.

“What would you say if I told ya that I curse when I’m mad?” Allie asked. Gavin gave her a teasing smile.

“I will do my best, til death do us part, to make sure you never have to curse at me.”

888

“So you finally came back to town and decided to bring some trouble with you, huh?” Marshall Yale asked as he looked inside the stage at the dead coach drivers.

“Nope. I left the trouble dead about two hours outside of town.” Marshall nodded.

“I’ll send some men out to get them. Ever since the city started growing and more people with money started heading this way we’ve started having a problem with outlaws.” Jack nodded and rubbed his chin.

“Outlaws are a pain in the ass.” he said and Marshall Yale grunted with agreement.

“Well I’ll send some men out to pick up those bodies. Have you been to Hawke’s yet?”

“No. I’m heading that way.”

“They’ll be happy to see you.” Marshall Yale said. Jack doubted that but shrugged.

“I hope so. I’ll see you around Marshall.” Jack walked down to the mercantile and leaned against the porch banister to wait on Lily to come out. He rolled himself a cigarette and lit it with a match before taking a long draw.

Part of him wanted to run. Run away from Great Valley and forget the place and the people in it had ever existed. He did not want to watch Allie love and start a family with another man and he was sure that Hawke and Lily would hate him.  Especially after they learned what he had been doing the last five years. But he knew he had to stay. Like Hawke had tried to tell him when he was younger. A real man does not complain. A real man does not whine. A real man just does what needs to be done, deals with his problems and moves on.

Jack blew out a puff of smoke and watched the clouds floating across the blue sky as he wondered just what he had been thinking when he had thrown his life away all those years ago.

888

Wolf let out a tired sigh as he laid on the floor of the smelly building and watched the female Lily talking to the big loud female that lived here. Wolf hated this building. It was full of hundreds of scents that all blended together and overloaded his sensitive nose. He wished Lily would hurry up so they could leave because he would not leave without her. She had another pup inside of her and needed even more protection than usual.

Wolf looked longingly out the open door and then he raised his head and took a deep breath when a familiar scent came to him. It had been a long time since he had smelled that scent and with all the other scents around him right now he could be mistaken but he was sure the loud one Jack was close. He stood quickly and looked back at Lily who was watching him curiously.

Wolf walked to the door and looked out at the man standing down on the street. He breathed in again and his tail began to wag. He had no doubt that this was Jack. He walked out the door and down the porch steps but Jack did not seem to notice him as he stared up at the sky.

Wolf growled low in his throat to get his attention. He had always had fun scaring Jack this way but Jack had changed. Instead of smelling fear, Wolf smelled nothing but calmness. Jack looked down and raised his brow at him. Wolf tried to growl more threateningly but still Jack did not smell afraid.

“Sorry, Wolf, we ain’t equals no more. I’m just a tiny bit higher up than you.”

Jack couldn’t help but grin when Wolf stopped growling and wagged his tail and Jack would have sworn the beast smiled.

“I figured you’d be dead by now.” Jack said reaching down and scratching him behind his ear. Just then Jack heard footsteps on the porch behind him.

“Jack?” Lily gasped. Jack turned around and before he could respond Lily was jumping from the porch and into his arms. She wrapped her arms tight around his neck and clung to him as she laughed and cried at the same time.

Jack felt his heart swell with tenderness toward this woman he had always loved so much. He didn’t care that she was only four years older than him, she was the mother he had never had.

“I am so happy you’re here!” Lily exclaimed after she pulled away. “I have been worried sick about you!”

“I wasn’t sure you would want to see me.” Jack replied honestly as he lifted his cigarette to his lips. Lily could not believe she was looking at Jack again after all of this time.

“Of course I wanted to see you, Jack. You are a part of this family and we have all missed you very much.” Lily’s eyes widened. “Allie! I have to tell Allie you’re here.”

“She already knows.” Jack replied taking a deep draw off the cigarette and then throwing it down in the muddy road. “Her and her fiance are eating lunch.” Lily winced.

“You met him, huh?”

“Yeah.” Jack replied. “I saved his life on the way here.  ’Course I didn’t know he was Allie’s fiance at the time or I might not have been so nice.” Lily tried to fight back her smile as she shook her head.

“Hush. You’re a good guy and we have all missed you.”

“Where’s Hawke?” Jack asked. He was most nervous about seeing the intimidating Indian again and wanted to get it over with.

“He and Sarah are at home planting in the garden. She wanted to help daddy and all she has to do is tell him to jump and he is asking her how high.” Jack chuckled and nodded. He had known it would be that way from the way Hawke had always doted on her as a baby.

“It’s good to see you again, Lily. I missed you.” Jack said rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. Lily smiled that warm smile he had missed more than anything and patted his arm.

“You stink.” she said sweetly. “And you’re hairy.”

“Yes ma’am.” Jack replied. “I was about to get a room at the hotel, well one of the hotels since there is a few to choose from now.” Jack looked up and down the main street which was much more crowded than it had been the last time he’d been here. Lily nodded and looked up and down the street as well.

“Hawke hates how crowded it’s getting here in town. I’m just glad we live an hour away so he doesn’t complain too often.” Jack couldn’t help but smile.

“I thought he said a real man never complains.” Lily rolled her eyes and laughed lightly.

“He forgets.” she replied. “And you will not stay in a hotel. You will come home. You have a perfectly good room there and I will give you a hair cut and a shave.”

“A room… I thought Sarah…”

“No.” Lily said shaking her head. “Hawke has not let anyone touch your room since you left. So Sarah and Allie share a room.” Jack was speechless. Which didn’t happen very often.

“And this guy.” Lily said, laying her hand on her belly. “Is going to get a new room that Hawke is going to build this summer.” Jack’s eyes widened as he noticed her slightly rounded stomach for the first time.

“You’re gonna have a baby?” Lily nodded. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks.” Lily said and then she pointed toward the cart which was loaded down with supplies. “Let’s go home, Jack. I’ll feel better now that I got a big strong man to protect me. Wolf is getting too old.” Wolf grunted when he heard his name and Jack couldn’t help but laugh. It had been so long since he’d really laughed and it felt good. Maybe coming back to Great Valley wouldn’t be so bad… .Except of course for the fact that the love of his life was marrying that stupid, scaredy cat little sissy boy, Gavin.

Chapter Eight

When the Japanese mend broken objects, they exaggerate the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something’s suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful. ~Barbara Bloom

 “Mama’s home!” Sarah yelled happily and she ran as fast as she could on her tiny legs toward the cart. Hawke stood straight in the field of vegetables they had been planting and wiped the sweat from his brow with the sleeve of his buckskin shirt.

He moved his attention away from Sarah and looked up at the approaching cart and his eyes narrowed at the sight of a man riding with his usually overly cautious wife. Lily had gotten better over the last few years. She still hated guns and grew fearful at the first sign of serious conflict but she went to town without Hawke and wasn’t scared to do it and she didn’t freeze up with fear any more when men would talk to her on the street.

But there was no way she would let a man she did not know ride home with her in the cart. Hawke readied himself for a fight, thinking that this man must have forced his wife to bring him here but as the cart moved closer and the man jumped down Hawke’s eyes widened momentarily and he walked toward the man he had not seen in five long years.

“Hi, Hawke.” Jack said awkwardly. Hawke was just staring at him. His green eyes were narrowed slightly and everything about his posture was tense.

“Lily, take Sarah into the cabin.” Hawke said his voice as hard as stone. Lily climbed down off the cart and eyed her husband suspiciously.

“Why do you not act like you’re surprised to see him?” she asked.

“I knew he was coming.” Hawke replied matter of factly. Jack saw the anger and disbelief cross over Lily’s face and he quickly pulled out a rolled cigarette and lit it.

“You knew he was coming!” Lily yelled and then she looked down at Sarah who was looking at her parents with a mixture of confusion and innocent fear and said much more calmly and quietly. “You didn’t think that was something I needed to know?” Hawke shrugged and shook his head.

“No.” he replied calmly. “Now take Sarah inside and let me talk to Jack.”

“We will talk about this later.” Lily promised pointing her finger up at Hawke’s stern face and narrowing her eyes. She grabbed Sarah’s hand and led her up to the cabin.

“I need to get a few things straight with you.” Hawke said turning his attention back to Jack. Jack nodded and tossed his cigarette aside before sticking his thumbs through his belt loops and looking at the other man.

“Fair enough.”

“I do not know where you have been or what you have done and I do not want to know. It is not my place to question another man about what he has done in the past. I do need to make sure you did not bring any of that past home with you though.” Hawke said. Jack knew Hawke was asking him whether or not Brian or John were going to be coming to Great Valley.

“If my past comes to Great Valley it won’t be because they’re looking for me. As far as they know I’m six feet under and they put me there.” Jack tried to read Hawke’s face but as always it was unreadable.

Hawke looked Jack up and down. He was dirty and unkempt. He had grown several inches taller and although he was still lean, his muscles had filled out beneath his worn out clothes. He looked every inch a man and his blue eyes looked older, as if he had learned a lot of lessons the hard way over the last few years.

“Lily is happy you’re home.” Hawke said, crossing his arms over his chest. Jack nodded and wiped at some dried mud on his pants.

“Yeah. I was actually surprised that she was so happy. I figured she’d slap me again.” he said, doing his best to make the words sound like a joke even though they weren’t.

“Five years ago she would have. She has had a long time to cool off.” Hawke replied with a nod. “She has the biggest heart of anyone I know and so there is plenty of room in it for you no matter how badly you hurt her in the past.” Jack felt a wave of guilt pass through him.

“I’m sorry, Hawke. If I could go back and change things I would but we can’t change the past.”

“No but we can learn from it.” Hawke replied.

“Yes sir.” Jack said with a nod. Anger flashed in Hawke’s green eyes even as his face remained calm and unreadable.

“My wife cried a lot of tears over you. I want to believe that you coming home means you are going to stay but I do not forgive and forget quite as easily as Lily.”

“Yes sir.”

“If you cause my wife that kind of pain again I will not let you ride away. You will pay for it with kainai. “ Jack knew what Hawke was saying but he was desperate to lighten the mood.

“Dammit, Hawke, you know I never did understand it when you started speakin injun.” Hawke stared hard at him and Jack stared back determined not to show his fear. Then suddenly Jack felt relief flood through him when Hawke’s eyes softened just a bit and his lips curved just a little.

“Blood, Jack. You will pay in blood.” he said.

“Hawke, this is the only real family I ever had…. I’m kinda hoping I haven’t lost them.” Just then Lily’s voice came from the porch.

“Jack! Get up here and let me shave that ugly beard!” she called. Hawke shook his head and patted Jack on the back.

“It has been here all along just waiting for you to come back.” Hawke turned and walked back to the small garden while Jack cleared his throat and walked up to the porch.

888

“Now you look like Jack again.” Lily said as she wiped the left over cream off of Jack’s face. “All that’s left is to cut that hair.”

“Actually I think I’m gonna keep it longer.” Jack said. Lily studied him carefully for a moment and then nodded.

“It looks nice.” And then she grinned. “But then again I’m a sucker for long hair.” Jack smiled and looked over at Sarah who was playing on the other end of the porch with her dolls.

“She’s really pretty.” he said to Lily. “She looks like you and Allie.” Lily noticed the sadness in his voice when he said Allie’s name.

“What’s your name?” Sarah asked walking over to Jack and stopping about a foot from his chair.

“Jack.” he replied. “I knew you when you were a little baby.”

“I’m not a baby anymore.” Sarah said matter of factly.

“No you aren’t.” Jack replied.

“Sarah, go get uncle Jack the soap and a towel.” Lily said and Sarah nodded and ran into the cabin.

“Lily, I wanted to tell you I’m sorry. I screwed up and you are being really amazing right now and I don’t really deserve it.”

“Hush. You are family and I told you one day you’d get smart and come back home.” she replied with a warm smile. Jack shifted in the chair and cleared his throat.

“I’ve done a lot of things in the last five years….” Lily cut him off with a quick shake of her head.

“I don’t want to know.” she said. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter.” Jack argued. “I’m not a good man..” Lily crossed her arms over her chest and glared down at him and he saw that she had adopted some of Hawke’s mannerisms.

“All that matters is that you are home now and you are back with the people who love you.” Just then Sarah came back out on the porch with the soap and towel. Lily took them from her and handed them to Jack as he stood up.

“Now go to the lake and clean yourself because you stink.”

888

“I should have known Hawke’s cabin would be an hour from civilization.” Gavin said with a smile as he pulled the cart to a stop beside the cabin. “The cabin is….uh… nice.” he said. Allie knew that Gavin was just being polite. She had seen his home in Helena and she had seen the kinds of things money could buy.

“I would love to have my own place like this one day.” Allie said. She saw a look pass over his face that clearly said ‘no’ but when he spoke his voice was warm and gentle just like it always was when he spoke to her.

“We can have a home in the country.” he agreed. She knew that his idea of a home and hers were different things but they could deal with that later. She was just thankful they had not run into Jack again in town. She still wasn’t sure what to make of his sudden appearance or her bodies reaction to it.

Gavin jumped down from the cart and was about to help Allie down when Wolf came stalking across the yard, his golden eyes locked on Gavin and his teeth bared as he growled low in his throat.

“Oh my God!” Gavin yelled jumping back up into the cart. “Is this the other one you were telling me about?” He demanded. Allie couldn’t help but laugh at the high pitched quality of his voice as he stared down at Wolf.

“Yes.” she said between laughs. “This is Wolf.”

“Are you laughing at me?” Gavin asked incredulously. “You think it’s funny that I’m afraid of that thing? Who wouldn’t be afraid of that thing?”

“Wolf, come.” Hawke’s stern voice called and Gavin and Allie looked up to see Hawke walking toward them from the barn. Wolf walked away from the wagon and laid down in the sunlight beside the porch. Gavin cleared his throat and did his best to look unembarrassed as he jumped down from the wagon and Allie let him help her down as well.

“Yes, well I was just a bit startled is all.” Hawke rolled his eyes and wondered for the thousandth time what Allie saw in this man.

“Well, Allie dear, I’ll be heading back to town now. I have some business to take care of.” Gavin said twenty minutes later as he, Allie, Hawke and Lily all stood in the yard. Gavin looked over at Sarah who was wrestling around the yard with Wolf and Janna.

“Is that safe?” he whispered to Allie. She nodded but before she could reply Lily looked behind them and smiled nervously.

“You look better, Jack.” she said much too brightly. Gavin and Allie both turned and Allie nearly gasped out loud at the sense of déjà vu that came over her.

He was older and more filled out than he had been in that train station in Helena all those years ago but all she could see was that boy that had come to her rescue. His face was clean shaven and his deep dimples were visible even though he wasn’t smiling. His clothes were worn and dirty just as they had been the day she had met him and his blue eyes still seemed to have a spark in them even though he looked anything but happy as he glared at Gavin’s arm wrapped around her shoulders.

“I feel better, Lily.” Jack replied. Lily excused herself quickly and went up into the cabin.

“I’m heading back to town, Jack, would you like to ride with me?” Gavin asked. Jack shook his head.

“I live here.” he said matter of factly. Gavin nodded.

“You know each other?” Hawke asked looking from Jack to Gavin and wondering how Gavin could be so blind to the possessive anger that was radiating off of Jack. Gavin really was a clueless waste of air. He was a nice guy but did not belong here and was not good enough for Allie.

“Yeah this guy here saved my life.” Gavin replied and he launched into the story of what had happened on the stage. Jack noticed that he left out the part where Gavin screamed like a baby but he let it slide because he also left out the part about Jack looting the dead men’s bodies.

Allie tried to keep the awestruck look out of her eyes as Gavin recounted Jack’s bravery. She had a lot of reasons to hate Jack but she had even more reasons to love him… He had been a saving grace for her all those years ago. He had saved her life with Nathan. He had been her best friend. He had wiped away tears and shared smiles and laughs. He had held her hand tenderly and kissed her gently. He had saved her fiance…

Gavin was her fiance. The reality of that was sinking in. She had agreed to marry a man that she did not love. Did that make her a bad person? She looked at Jack. The man who had had her heart since she’d been thirteen and felt more lost than she had ever felt before. What they needed was some time alone to really talk…

“Here you go.” Lily said coming back out of the cabin with one of Hawke’s shirts. “Put this on and I’ll clean yours. Your pants will have to wait because Hawke’s won’t fit you.”

Jack shrugged and pulled off his vest and shirt and then he noticed the looks of horror on Lily, Allie and Gavin’s faces. Hawke of course hid his reaction better but Jack was certain that even his eyes widened slightly.

“What happened to you?” Allie asked. She cursed the tears that were threatening to fill her eyes at the sight of Jack’s scarred body. His lean build and sculpted muscles were marred by hundreds of scars. Three round scars that had to have been bullet wounds were on his left shoulder and two more on his right. There was one on his chest just below his heart and several more on his sides. Other longer scars that looked like the one on her face so she knew they must be knife marks covered his sculpted chest and stomach. Allie couldn’t stop herself from walking around him and his back was an even bigger tangle of bullet, knife and even whip scars. Even his arms were covered in pale scars.

“Jack, what did those people do to you?” Lily exclaimed, not hiding her tears the way Allie did. Jack grabbed the buckskin shirt from her quickly and shrugged into it.

“Nothing.” he said quickly. He looked at Gavin desperate for an excuse to get away from all of the concerned faces.

“I think I will come into town with you for a while.” he said. “I’ll be back before dark though, I promise.” he said to Lily and Hawke. He didn’t even look at Allie as he walked over to the cart and jumped on. Gavin said his goodbyes quickly and the two of them left. Jack could feel three sets of eyes burning holes into him as they rode away.

Chapter Nine

Sometimes you have to step outside of the person you have been, and remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you truly are. -Author unknown

 Jack used most of the money he had left to buy himself a horse and saddle from the livery. He missed Buck but his father and brother had relieved him of his favorite horse after they had left him for dead. He stopped by the blacksmith shop and talked to Richard Mitchell about working for him again. Richard had agreed to give him a week to prove he knew how to do the job and if he did good enough he’d give him a job four days a week helping him out.

Jack felt a sense of pride that for once he would have a real job and earn his money the right way. Jack walked down to the mercantile and Ed’s eyes widened when he saw him.

“Well I’ll be darned if it ain’t Jack back again!” he said. “How you been kid?” Jack smiled as he put his forearms on the counter and leaned against it.

“I couldn’t have been more miserable if I’d rolled myself in honey and went chasing after bumble bees.” he replied. “But things are starting to look a whole heck of a lot better.”

“You been out to Hawke and Lily’s?” Ed asked with a chuckle. Jack had always been the type to say goofy things. Jack nodded.

“Yeah.” he said. “I was actually coming in here because I think I still owe you some money.” Ed looked at him with confusion and scratched at his nearly bald head.

“What are you talking about?” he asked. Jack reached in his pocket and pulled out a couple of dollars.

“Before I left down I started a credit and I never did pay ya for it.” Ed waved his hand.

“That was five years ago and I’d done forgot about it. You don’t have to pay me for that.” Jack nodded.

“Yes I do because I didn’t forget about it. Now I’ve done a whole hell of a lot of stealing in my life and I can’t make up for all of it but I can sure as hell pay you back so take the money.” Ed sighed and nodded and he took the money from Jack’s hand.

“Thanks, Jack.” he said.

“Hawke tried to teach me wrong from right… I guess it just took a while to sink in.” Jack replied.

888

The next morning Jack was up at dawn and sitting on the porch as the sun rose. He had hoped to speak to Allie the night before but she had already been locked in her room. Lily had looked at him questioningly all evening but hadn’t questioned him anymore about his scars although he knew she wanted to. Jack had decided that if they did not ask, he was not going to tell.

Jack thought about Allie as he looked out at the heavy fog and breathed in the damp morning air. He couldn’t help but wonder whether or not she was really in love with Gavin. She didn’t look at Gavin like a woman who was madly in love but maybe that was just because she was too busy being confused or angry that Jack was back.

“There’s a lot of work that needs to be done.” Hawke said coming out onto the porch. Jack wondered how the Indian still managed to sneak up on him. Jack’s senses had grown sharper over the years but Hawke still moved too silently for him to pick up on.

“I was waiting on you to wake up, old man.” Jack replied and Hawke chuckled. “What do you want me to do?” Jack asked. He had three days before he had to start work at the blacksmith shop.

“Check traps with me. The woods have been much too silent the last few years.”

“Well lets go then, Hawke. We’ll see how long it takes before you’re begging me to be quiet.”

888

“ Naakiiwa , remind me to never complain about silence again.“ Hawke said when he and Jack returned from checking the traps several hours later. Lily laughed from where she was weeding the garden with Sarah.

“Can you handle the skinning?” Jack asked Hawke and Hawke just gave him a look that said ’ are you really asking me that?’ and nodded. Jack walked over to Lily and stuck his finger through his belt loops before rocking back on his heels. Lily realized he was nervous and she stood up and wiped her dirty hands on her apron.

“What is it?” she asked.

“Where’s Allie?” Jack asked. “I haven’t really had a chance to talk to her and I would like to.”

“I imagine you would.” Lily said with knowing nod. “She went down to the lake but you may want to wait until later before you try to talk to her.” Jack was about to ask why when the sound of a rifle shot filled the air. Jack instantly grabbed Lily and moved her body behind his own as he pulled his reolver and scanned their surroundings looking for whoever was shooting at them.

“Oh my goodness you are worse than Hawke!” Lily exclaimed as she pulled herself away from him. “That was Allie!” Jack forced his tense muscles to relax and slid his gun back in the holster.

“Sorry.” Jack said. He looked over at Hawke who just shook his head and went back to skinning a fox.

“She was tense and upset this morning and so once we got enough of the work done she asked if she could go to the lake with a rifle and practice shooting.”

“Alright then. I’ll go to the lake.” Jack replied. Lily shook her head.

“She is pretty upset with you, Jack. She might just end up shooting you.” Jack laughed.

“Yeah but you’ve seen me without my shirt so I reckon you know it wouldn’t be the first time.” Jack thought what he said was funny but the look in Lily’s eyes told him that she didn’t agree.

“She may be a better shot than those others.” Hawke spoke up.

“I’ll take my chances.” Jack replied and started down the trail toward the lake. Another gunshot filled the air and Jack was stopped in the middle of the trail by a growling Janna.

“Shit, you do know how to do something other than chase your tail.” Jack said with a grin. Janna looked up at his face and then stopped growling and began to wag her tail. She turned and ran back toward the lake and Jack shook his head and followed her.

Jack caught sight of Allie and watched her load the rifle and fire off another round of shots, completely unaware that he was watching her. She was standing with her side toward him and she had her long dark hair pulled back in a braid. Her white blouse was covered in dirt and hugging the curves of her chest.

She had streaks of dirt on her cheeks and her arms and hands. Jack smiled at the sight of her. She had always been a tomboy and he was glad to see that that hadn’t changed.

“Hey, doll.” Jack said when she took a break from blowing holes in the truck of a nearby pine tree. She jumped at the sound of his voice and he found himself staring down the barrel of the rifle.

“Dammit Jack!” she exclaimed as she lowered the gun. “Don’t sneak up on me like that unless you want me to shoot you!”

“I’ve been a shot a couple of times, Allie, but never by a feisty woman in a dirty skirt… Might be kinda fun.” Allie rolled her eyes and stuck her free hand on her hip.

“Don’t you start trying to be charming, Jack.” she scolded. “How’d you get all those scars anyway?” Jack smiled but inside he shivered as he remembered the blood, pain and darkness associated with each and every one of the wounds.

“’Bout how you’d imagine I guess.” he replied. Allie scolded her heart and told it to slow down when Jack moved a little closer and then turned so that his shoulder was nearly pressed against hers as they stood side by side and looked out at the water.

“How have you been, Allie?” Jack asked. Allie snorted and threw the rifle over her shoulder.

“Like you care.” she spat. Jack’s eyes narrowed as he looked at the water.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” he asked, trying to keep his voice calm and free of anger.

“Five years, Jack. You’ve been gone five years and not once have you bothered to check on me.”

“I couldn’t, Allie.” Jack replied. He had tried but his pa and his brother had taught him real quick that the past was the past and he couldn’t try to go back to it… Or even send it a letter.

“You were probably too busy running crazy, playing poker, drinking whiskey and bedding whores to even think about me.” Allie replied harshly. Jack felt his temper rise then. How dare her try to say he had not thought about her when it was thoughts of her that had kept him alive.

“You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.” he said, crossing his arms over his chest angrily.

“So I guess you’re gonna tell me that there hasn’t been a single other woman?” Allie demanded irritably. Jack shook his head.

“No I ain’t gonna lie to ya. I have never lied to you before and I won’t start now.”

“So you have slept with other women!” Allie exclaimed accusingly.

“Don’t judge me, doll, I ain’t the one that’s engaged.” Jack replied. He didn’t understand women one bit. Instead of being upset and wanting to know how many people he had killed, all she wanted to know what how many women he’d slept with. “Those other women don’t matter no how. There’s only ever been one woman in my heart.”

“I never had your heart, Jack. If I had then you wouldn’t have been able to leave me the way you did. And don’t act like I betrayed you by getting engaged to Gavin. He is a good man and he cares about me and I care about him.”

“That’s nice that you care about each other but do you actually love that city boy?” Jack asked with disbelief.

“I um.. I do love him…” Allie replied weakly.

“But you’re not in love with him are you?” Jack asked. He turned his body so that he could look down at her. Only inches separated them and Allie could feel the heat off his body and the warmth of his breath as it washed over her face. She felt a heat and a tingling starting low in her belly and spreading from her head to toes as if her blood was catching fire. She licked her lips and tried to back away from him as he continued to speak.

“Do you find it hard to breath when he gets close? Does your body fill with heat and does your heart beat faster?” Jack asked and Allie could hear the passion in his voice as she started having trouble breathing and her heart beat so fast she feared it might explode.

“I don’t even know what those things are that you’re talking about. They are not love.” Allie replied, desperate for those things to not be love because she was feeling them right now and it wasn’t her fiance that was causing them.

“Passion, Allie. They are passion.” Jack replied, his voice deeper and more gruff. Allie felt her back press against a tree and knew she had no where else to run. Jack closed the distance between them and stared down into her dark brown eyes. Five long years he had dreamed of being this close to her again. Five long years he had done everything he could to get away from his pa and his brother and when he finally had and he had finally made it back home he had found the only woman he had ever loved engaged to someone else.

He was angry but it wasn’t at her, it was at himself. It was his fault that she had been lonely and settled on a man who could not protect or take care of her. A man she didn’t really love. Not the way a woman should love her husband.

He saw her close her eyes and tilt her head and he knew she wanted him to kiss her. There was nothing Jack wanted more but he was not going to kiss another mans woman. Gavin might be a little sissy boy but Allie had made a promise to him and Jack wasn’t going to help her break it.

“You’re getting married, Allie.” Jack reminded her and her eyes flew open and sparked with anger.

“You’re the one that’s pushing me against a tree.” Allie replied and Jack took two quick steps back. His entire body was on fire and screaming to be pressed against her again. How was he supposed to do this? His mind could not convince his heart or his body that Allie wasn’t his.

“Allie I….” Whatever he had been about to say to her was cut off when Gavin’s voice came from behind him.

“What is going on here?” Jack turned quickly and took several steps away from Allie while she moved away from the tree and smoothed her skirts, though she couldn’t do anything to hide the blush on her face or the quickness of her breathing.

“Nothing is going on.” Allie assured him as she walked toward him. “I tripped and Jack caught me and was making sure I was okay.”

“He catches you in his arms a lot.” Gavin said, glaring over at Jack who was standing with his arms crossed over his chest and looking anything but scared of him.

“Would you rather I fell and hurt my face?” Allie asked, losing control of her temper once again. She had always had a bad temper but usually she could control it better than this. She blamed it on Jack’s sudden appearance and not on the fact that her entire body was screaming to feel him close to her again.

Gavin smiled and turned his attention back down to her.

“No of course not, love. We wouldn’t want any more damage done to that beautiful face.” he said running his finger along the scar on her cheek. Jack felt his blood boil. How dare that little mama’s boy tell his Allie that her face was damaged.

’ She’s not your Allie.’ A voice inside his head reminded him.

’ She’ll always be my Allie… Even though I’m not the one next to her.’ Jack replied. ‘She wouldn’t’ want me anyway. Not once she knows the kinds of things I’ve done.’

“Allie, is that a gun?” Gavin demanded with disbelief as he noticed the rifle in her hand for the first time.

“No it’s a big metal stick.” Jack spoke up. “I’m sure she’d be happy to show you how it works.. Or better yet, hand it to me and I will.”

“That’s okay Jack, I’m sure Gavin knows how a gun works.” Allie replied throwing him a glance that told him she wanted him to shut up and stay out of her business.

“I have never fired a gun in my life, Allie dear, and I’m not sure how I feel about seeing one in your hands.” Gavin said matter of factly. “And you are filthy. I thought we were going to go out to lunch and I was going to give you a tour of the bank today?”

“Sounds exciting.” Jack said blandly and Allie glared over at him.

“Would you shut up, Jack. My life is none of your business. You should just go back where you came from!” Allie cursed her temper and regretted the words instantly but it was too late to take them back.

“You two have fun with your tour.” Jack said, his face suddenly a mask of indifference. “I’ve got things to do. You know poker to play, whiskey to drink, people to shoot and women to… Well you get the picture.” Jack quickly set out into the woods and Allie wanted to chase after him and tell him how sorry she was for saying what she had said. She could tell by the scars on his body that the last five years had been hell for him. She didn’t know the details and she didn’t understand why he had never sent her word but she was sure he had a reason. Damn her temper and her mouth that she never could seem to control!

“Why don’t we go back up to the house and you can clean up so we can go out to lunch?” Gavin asked after Jack was gone. Allie looked up at him and tried to remember if she had ever found him attractive…

“Why don’t we just have a picnic, Gavin? Right out here in the woods?”

“Because, Allie dear, animals live out here in the woods.” he replied matter of factly. Then he noticed the disappointment on her face. “There is a pretty patch of grass and trees right in front of the bank with tables and things set up outside just for picnics. We could eat there.” Allie forced a smile and nodded. Gavin was doing his best to compromise and make her happy but she was starting to see just how different the two of them were. Would they ever truly be happy together when they had nothing in common?

“Good. Let’s go get cleaned up then.” he said and he pressed a tender kiss to her hair before looping his arm through hers and leading her down the path to the cabin.

Gavin’s mind however was still on the scene he had walked up on between Allie and Jack. He knew enough to know that she had been enjoying the other mans closeness and she had looked at him in a way that she had never looked at Gavin. He was going to enjoy Allie’s company for as long as he could because he had a feeling it was not going to last…

Chapter Ten

John and his men rode into the quiet North Dakota town. Their horses hooves splashing in the wet mud as the fog swirled around them. The streets were deserted this early in the morning and the horses snorts and blows were the only sounds.

“Tell me again what we’re doing back here?” Brian asked his pa.

“I feel bad thinking about my sons body going unclaimed.” John replied. “Boys you go ahead and head over to the saloon and get ya some drinks.” he said to the other men. They nodded and rode down the road while John and Brian stopped at the jail and hitched their horses to the post.

“Why do you feel bad? It’s his own damn fault we had to put those bullets in him.”

“He’s still my boy.” John said matter of factly. “That and we left in such a hurry we didn’t take that fancy revolver of his or nothing. I’d like to get my hands on that.”

“Pa, he’s been dead for almost three months. What the hell ya gonna do dig him up and take his gun?”

“Sure will. Just gotta find out which of those unnamed graves out in that cemetery is his.” Brian nodded even though he thought his pa was going through an awful lot of trouble for one gun. He wondered if there was more to this than his pa was telling him. John was well known for getting ‘feelings’ about things and he wondered if his pa had some kind of feeling about Jack.

“Let’s go talk to the sheriff.” John said stepping up on the porch of the jail. He knocked on the door and a big bellied sheriff with red cheeks and a thick gray mustache opened the door.

“Can I help you men?” he asked looking behind them at the quiet street.

“I was hoping to talk to you about the stage that got hit a couple of months ago. I heard about it a while back and I’m worried because my son was supposed to have been on that stage and I haven’t heard from him.” the sheriff nodded and moved aside so the men could come into the jail. He sat down behind the desk and John took a seat across from him while Brian stood at the door and kept an eye out the tiny window at the top of it.

“We did have a stage hit outside of town almost three months ago.” The sheriff said folding his hands over his giant stomach.

“Were there any survivors?” John asked, doing his best to sound like a concerned father. The sheriff shook his head sadly.

“No. Not a one. They killed both drivers and all of the passengers. But all eight of those bodies were claimed and identified except for one. He wasn’t a passenger or a driver.” John did the math in his head quickly and realized something was not adding up. Two drivers, plus five passengers, plus Becket, plus Jack should have been nine.But the sheriff had just said there had only been eight bodies.

“What did he look like?” John asked and this time he did not have to fake the concern.

“I don’t think he was your son. He was a middle aged guy. Short and kinda fat. He got caught in a rather compromising situation it looked like to me. His pants were hanging around his ankles.” the sheriff whispered the last part and then he chuckled as he picked at the strained button on the front of his blue shirt.

“No my boy was tall and lean with blond hair and blue eyes.” John replied. He saw Brian shifting his feet and looking very worried over by the door. John stood up.

“There wasn’t nobody fitting that description. Maybe he wasn’t there and he’ll be showing up any time now and easing your worry. Sometimes kids put us parents through all kinds of hell.” John nodded in agreement.

“Yeah they sure do.” he said. He shook the sheriff’s hand and walked over to the door. “Thanks for your help sheriff. We’ll be going now.” John and Brian walked out of the jail and grabbed their horses by the reins to lead them to the saloon and meet the other men.

“What the hell is going on, pa? Jack should have been dead.”

“Jack has to be dead.” John replied. “We shot him five times. He probably crawled into the woods and nobody found his body.”

“I don’t know pa. You know as well as I do that boy has nine lives. What if we didn’t kill him? What if he’s gonna come gunning for us? He’ll hunt us down and kill every damn one of us.”

“Shut up, Brian. If he lived through what we did then he would have been in bad damn shape and he wouldn’t have made it without help. All we gotta do is search the surrounding homesteads and cabins and we’re sure to find him or someone who knows where the hell he went.” John said. He understood Brian’s fear and he was feeling some himself.

Jack was damn good with a gun and he could move as silently as a damn shadow. John was scared of his youngest son. He had given Jack a million reasons to want him dead and he knew if anyone could get the job done it was that boy.

“I don’t like this, pa. Until we find Jack I’m gonna be waiting constantly for that bullet to come slamming into my back.”

“Me too.” John said with a nod. “Me too.”

888

Jack slammed his fist into the trunk of a pine tree and then he laid his forehead against the rough bark and called himself one hundreds kinds of a fool.

“Why in the hell did I lose my temper like that?” he asked the giant tree. He had hoped it would offer him some guidance but of course it didn’t. He had done a lot of things in his life that he regretted but his biggest regret was, and always would be, hurting Allie. He had no right to get upset with her for moving on with another man. He had slept with other women. He thought about the two women he had used to try to ease the pain he’d felt during that first year with his pa and brother.

He had been a prisoner and he had just wanted to find a way to ease the pain. He had been desperate for any kind of comfort. The whores had not been able to give him that and he had not been with any woman since. Hell he couldn’t remember their names or what they looked like anymore. They had only been a replacement. An unworthy replacement for the woman he had lost.

He told himself that he needed to be happy for Allie. But Gavin? Surely she could find someone better than Gavin. He would try to change her. He would take her to the city, put her in fancy dresses. He wouldn’t let her shoot guns or get her hands dirty in a garden. There would be servants, maids and cooks to do all the dirty work and Allie would be miserable. But the man she married was her own choice to make.

Jack stood straight and started the long walk back to the cabin. He had no right to try to stand in Allie’s way or give her doubts about her love for her fiance. He had hurt her and he had walked away from her all those years ago. He didn’t deserve her anymore than he deserved any happiness.. Not after all the things he had done.

888

Gavin dropped Allie off at home that evening and started back toward town with his mind racing. He had learned in the last two days that the Allie from the letters and the Allie that had visited him several times in Helena and had come and visited him in town in the past while he’d been in Great Valley, and the Allie he was now seeing were two different Allie’s.

He thought of his rich fancy mother and the large mansion that she and his father lived in and the lifestyle that Gavin and his wife were meant to carry on and he just could not picture this new Allie fitting into that life. But he loved Allie. Her soft brown eyes and dark hair. The way her face lit up when she smiled and the pride he felt when walking with her beside him. Of course he would not have been proud to have been seen with her the way she had looked this morning. Covered in dirt and holding a gun!

Then there was the way she looked at this Jack guy. Gavin could not compete with a man like Jack. Gavin might have money and sophistication but the thing he loved most about Allie was that she had never cared about any of that and so he knew those things did not matter to her.

But Gavin couldn’t just tell her that he had changed his mind about marrying her. He was plenty old enough and his parents expected him to get married. His mother was already planning the wedding and he couldn’t let her down. Once Allie was his wife he could move her into the city and away from that cabin and once she saw how blessed the life of the wife of a rich man was she would forget all about Jack, guns and her boyish ways.

Gavin left his cart at the livery and then walked down the road to the bank. He went into his office to get some paperwork done and was irritated by the knock on his door.

“Who is it?” he asked.

“There is a young woman here who wants to talk to you about starting an account.” his secretary Peggy said.

“Send her in.” Gavin called from his desk. The door opened and Gavin’s jaw dropped at the sight of the tall voluptuous blond that walked through the door. Her blue satin dress hugged all her curves and her blond hair was pulled up high on her head with small ringlets hanging loose around her face.

She smiled and held out a gloved hand and he stood and took it in his.

“Hello, Mr. Henderson. My name is Alice Cooper and I wanted to look into setting up an account. My parents passed away recently and left me quite a bit of money and I don’t feel safe keeping it on the estate.”

“Of course, Miss Cooper. Have a seat and I’ll see what I can do for you.” Gavin was sure he was looking at an angel as she sat across the desk from him.

“Please, Mr. Henderson, call me Alice. I heard Miss Cooper too many times while I was in that boarding school back east.” Gavin nodded.

“Then by all means call me Gavin.”

Chapter Eleven

Felix was just sitting down to his lonely dinner when he heard horses approaching outside. He grabbed his rifle from beside the door and stepped out on the porch to see five men on horseback. Two of the men jumped from their horses and walked toward him. He aimed the rifle at the older of the two.

“Stay where you are.” he said. “What can I do for you men?” Felix couldn’t shake the feeling that these two men in front of him were familiar.

“We don’t mean you no harm. I’m looking for my son. I’m afraid he might have been hurt a few months back in a stage attack and we’re thinking that someone around here may have took him in.” Alarms went off in Felix’s mind and he suddenly knew why these men were familiar. This must be Jack’s father and brother.

“I heard about that stage.” Felix said lowering his rifle. “Terrible thing to have happen to those innocent people. All of these damn outlaws need to be shot if ya ask me.”

“I agree with ya.” John replied while Brian grinned and spit in the dirt at the foot of the porch steps.

“You wouldn’t happen to know nothing about my boy would you?” John asked. Felix scratched at his balding, flyaway red hair and shook his head.

“Nope. It’s just been me out here alone since my wife passed away.” Brian took a step forward and Felix raised the rifle.

“That’s funny old man because several folks told us that you were nursing some poor guy back to health out here that those outlaws had shot all to hell.” Felix shook his head.

“You folks were told wrong.” he replied.

“We’ve been traveling hard lately fella, you wouldn’t mind if we came in and grabbed a bite to eat would you?” John asked. Felix wanted to refuse but he saw Brian’s fingers inching closer to his revolver and the other three men on horses looked just as ready to pull their weapons.

“Of course. Come on in. I got some soup and bread made. ’Course the food ain’t been all that great since my wife passed away.” Felix led the five men into the house and they all sat down in the chairs and on the bed. Felix made each of them a bowl of soup and stood in the corner tensely as he watched them eat.

“You sure you ain’t heard nothing about my boy? We’re awful worried about him and any information you could tell me would help.” John said after he had drunk the last of the soup from the bowl. Felix shook his head.

“I don’t know nothing about Jack.” he replied.

“Who said anything about his name being Jack?” John asked. Felix cursed under his breath. He never had been good at confrontation or lying. His Penelope had loved it because he could never keep anything from her but right now his lack of lying talent was not a good thing.

“It’s time for you to be talking right now old man or I’m gonna blow a hole right in your head.” Brian said standing up from the table and pulling his gun. Felix reached for his rifle but two more men grabbed him and held him still.

“Start talking.” John said from where he still sat calmly at the table. “Is my son still alive? And where the hell is he at if he is?”

“I won’t tell you bastards nothing. That kid is a hell of a lot better off with the people he’s with now.”

“Is that so?” John asked in a cool voice. John gave a nod and one of the men holding Felix slammed his fist hard into the old man’s stomach. Felix let out a yell of pain as he slumped forward and the air rushed out of his lungs.

“Would you like to rethink your position on the matter?” Brian asked with a chuckle. Felix forced himself to stand straight again and glared at Brian.

“Go to hell you murdering sons of bitches. Jack is ten times the man any of you are and I won’t betray him.”

“Then you’ll die.” John replied. He nodded at Brian who shrugged and aimed his gun at Felix’s chest.

“Thanks for dinner.” Brian said and he pulled the trigger. The sound of the gunshot filled the small cabin and the men holding Felix released him as he fell to the floor.

Felix stared up at the wood planked ceiling of his cabin as he listened to the men going through his belongings and knew they were helping themselves to his things. He was surprised that the pain wasn’t that bad as he felt the floor becoming wet with blood beneath him. He felt cold though and every breath he took was becoming more shallow.

He heard the cabin door open and all the men left, closing the door behind them. He listened to the clock tick on the wall, counting off the seconds he had left to live. His ragged breathing the only other sound his ears could hear.

He was dying but he wasn’t sad about it. Finally after six months, one week and three days he was going to see his beautiful Penelope again. He closed his eyes and there she was. All dressed in white with her gray hair hanging loose around her shoulders.

’ I’ve missed you so, my crazy old man.’ she said with a loving smile.

’ I got here just as soon as I could old woman.’ he replied. The clock on the wall continued to tick and was the only sound still filling the tiny cabin as Felix’s heart stopped beating and his ragged breathing stopped.

---

“So what now pa? We know Jack’s alive but we don’t know where he is. Hell he could be watching us right now and waiting for a chance to kill us.” Brian said looking all around him as if he expected Jack to materialize out of thin air.

“Don’t listen to him boys.” John said as two of the men looked around nervously. The third man, Bearclaw, a Comanche Indian half breed that was the newest addition to the gang was the only one who did not look afraid. Of course John knew that even if he was afraid no one would be able to tell because he never showed any emotion.

“Where do you think he went, John?” Blue asked. John looked over at the tall, muscular, square headed man and grinned.

“There can only be one place. You heard that old man say that Jack was better off with the people he was with now. That means he went somewhere that he considered a home. Back to people that care about him.”

“Great Valley.” Brian said with a happy smile.

“Looks like we’re going to Great Valley boys.” They all jumped on their horses to start the long trip. It would take a good three weeks by horseback to get to their destination.

“Hey pa, when we get there I would really like to have a go at that injun’s woman. It’s been a long time and I still can’t get the thought of her out of my mind.” Brian said excitedly as they started down the road.

“No Brian. We’re after Jack and that’s it.”

“Come on pa.. We gotta have a little fun!” Brian exclaimed.

“That injun will kill you.” John argued. “You saw the man, he’s huge. And them injun’s can move without being heard or seen. You wouldn’t stand a chance.”

“Yeah but we got Bearclaw now. He can take that stupid injun, can’t ya Bearclaw?”

“I fear no one.” Bearclaw replied in heavily accented English.

“Alright fine.” John said with a shrug. “It might teach that boy a real good lesson if we have our way with both them women and kill his favorite injun. He did kill Becket after all.”

888

“ You killed me.“ Katie, the girl from the stage coach, said pointing a bloody finger at Jack accusingly.

“No. I tried to let you get away!” Jack argued. She took a step toward him and her blood covered pink dress shone in the moonlight.

“You let them kill both of us.” a second voice said from behind him and Jack turned to see Katie’s mother standing there with a bloody hole in her stomach. Jack moved to the side so he could see them both at once and shook his head.

“There was nothing I could do.” he said. They walked toward him pointing their fingers at his face.

“Murderer.” they both said. Jack shook his head and backed away.

“I’m sorry.” he said. He looked away from them and when he looked back he yelled in disbelief when he saw that Katie and her mother had turned into Allie and Lily.

“No!” he cried out.

“You killed me.” Allie screeched at him. Jack fell to his knees.

“No Allie! I would never hurt you!” he swore as tears rolled down his cheeks. The sight of Allie and Lily covered in blood with their faces pale and their eyes dead made his stomach turn and his heart hurt.

“You have hurt me, Jack.” Allie replied. She raised her hand to the bloody hole on her chest and Jack watched in horror as she began to tear at the hole.

“What are you doing?” he screamed as blood poured down her arm.

“My heart is broken ,Jack! Don’t you want to see my broken heart?” she demanded. “How could you do this to me? How could you let them kill me?”

“I didn’t!” Jack cried as tears flowed freely and he crawled toward her on his knees. “Allie, I would never let anyone hurt you! I love you, Allie!”

“Here Jack.” Allie said. “Here is my heart.” Jack screamed at the horrible sight that followed her statement and the sound of wet dripping of blood on the ground.

“No!” he yelled and he sat up quickly in his dark bedroom and looked around. He was panting and covered in sweat. His stomach churned and he knew he was going to vomit. He stood and ran from his room and out of the cabin. The cool night air dried the sweat on his naked torso as he ran into the woods before losing his stomach on the leafy forest floor.

He stayed crouched with his arms resting on his knees as he shook uncontrollably and tried to clear the images of Allie’s bloody body from his mind. His nerves were on edge and his heart was pounding when suddenly he heard a twig snap behind him.

Instinct took over and he pulled the knife he always kept strapped to his pants and threw it through the air as he turned. His eyes widened with horror when he realized he had thrown his knife at Hawke.

Hawke seemed unfazed as he moved his head slightly to the side and the knife sailed harmlessly past.

“Hawke, dammit, I could have killed you!” Jack exclaimed as he wiped his sweaty face with his bare arm. Hawke shook his head.

“No.” he replied. “You have gotten faster but you are still not that fast.” Jack gave a laugh that was more because of nervous energy than it was Hawke’s words and he walked around Hawke to go find his knife. He found it and stuck it back in the strap on his leg and looked toward the cabin.

He felt his nerves tense as Hawke stood silently behind him and finally he snapped.

“Hawke, don’t stand behind me!” he exclaimed loudly. Hawke walked up so that he was standing beside him instead of behind him.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Hawke asked. Jack raised a brow and looked at the man. Hawke noticed the look of disbelief on Jack’s face and shrugged.

“Lily and I were awake and heard you yelling in your sleep and then we heard you run out. She said I should come see if you needed to talk about it.”

“It’s the middle of the night. What the hell were you two doing awake?” Jack asked as he shivered in the cool air. He suddenly wished he had put on a shirt before running outside. Hawke of course was only wearing pants but, like always, if he was uncomfortable it didn’t show.

“That is none of your business.” Hawke said matter of factly and Jack shook his head when he suddenly realized what they’d been doing awake. “You might as well talk to me, Jack, because if you don’t Lily will corner you later and get the story out of you.”

“It was just a dream” Jack replied and he rolled his eyes when Hawke stayed silent and still beside of him waiting to hear more. “Have you ever killed somebody, Hawke?”

“Yes.” Hawke replied calmly.

“I’ve killed a lot of people Hawke. It was either I kill those people or I would be killed and for a long time I just wasn’t brave enough to die. I tried to get away but they always caught me and brought me back, usually with a few new bullet holes to show for my troubles.” Hawke nodded as he realized by the number of scars covering Jack’s torso just how many times the boy had tried to get away.

“You said they think they killed you.” he said. Jack nodded.

“We had hit a stage. The driver and shot gun man were dead and I was standing guard over the prisoners. There was a girl and, Hawke, she looked so much like Allie that it was scary. I didn’t want her to run. If she ran it was my job to kill her and I always did my job because if I didn’t I would be the one that ended up shot. But she ran, Hawke..” Jack ran his hand through his hair and looked up at the canopy of leaves above them.

“She ran and I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t shoot her. She could have made it, Hawke.. She was almost to the woods but her own mother gave her away and they filled that girl with so many holes and there was so much blood. I ran to her but it was too late and they killed the rest of the hostages while I stared down at her face.

“All I could see was Allie and I nearly vomited right there in the snow. My pa was running his mouth about what a disappointment I was but all I could do was stare down at her. Her pink dress had turned red with blood and her brown eyes were dead. My pa and brother got on their horses to ride away but there was one guy, Becket, he stayed behind because the girls mother wasn’t completely dead yet and he wanted to have a go at her.” Jack stopped talking and kicked at the ground with his bare foot as he remembered the disgust he had felt watching Becket stare at the dying woman with desire.

“I got strong then, Hawke. I knew I couldn’t do it anymore. I didn’t even care if I died. I just couldn’t let no more innocent people suffer without doing something to try to stop it. I knew they’d shoot me for it and I was looking forward to it to be honest with you. Being dead sounded better than being their prisoner anymore. I pulled my gun and I shot Becket. I blew his good for nothing perverted head clean off and within seconds I was lying on the frozen ground with a bunch of new bullet holes of my own.

“My pa yelled at me for making him kill me and then he rode away. I thought about Allie and how I was never gonna get a chance to tell her or you and Lily that I was sorry and I closed my eyes. I passed out then but an old man found me and nursed me back to health.” The two men stood there in silence and Jack wondered what Hawke thought about him.

“You are not a bad man, Jack. They were bad men and you were a man just trying to do what he had to do in order to stay alive.”

“I was a coward.” Jack argued with disgust. Hawke just shook his head but said nothing else. He knew he wouldn’t be able to convince Jack otherwise.

“The dream?” Hawke asked finally.

“It was that girl and her mother. They were both covered in blood and telling me that I killed them. Suddenly they changed and became Allie and Lily. My Allie was covered in blood Hawke and then she ripped out her own heart so she could show me just how badly I had broken it!

“How am I supposed to look at myself in the mirror after the things I’ve done? I have killed innocent people, I have stolen and stood by and done nothing while innocent women have been raped and tortured. I have broken the heart of the only damn woman in the world I’ve ever loved and I hurt the only damn family I ever had. I am a bad man, Hawke… If you could see inside me you’d know.

“There’s a rage and a darkness and I feel like I’m constantly fighting against it. Sometimes I wish they really had killed me.” Jack fell silent and wiped his hands on his pants roughly as if hoping to clean the blood of the past off of them.

“We have all done things that we wish we could take back.” Hawke said quietly. “You have to forgive yourself for your past mistakes because you cannot go back and change them. You are a good man, Jack whether you are ready to acknowledge it or not.” Hawke patted him on the back in a rare show of affection. “You should go back home and get some rest. There is a lot of work to do tomorrow.” Jack nodded, suddenly embarrassed and ashamed by all he had shared with Hawke.

Hawke watched Jack walk back to the cabin and then he cleared his throat and looked over at a large oak tree.

“You can come out now, Allie.” Allie came out from behind the tree and chewed on her lip before smiling sheepishly and looking up at him.

“How long did you know I was there?” she asked.

“The whole time you were there. You followed me out of the house.”

“I need to talk to Jack.” Allie said sadly. She had not realized just how broken he was on the inside. He always acted so confident and sure of himself and she realized it was just a cover for the hell that raged inside of him. No matter how badly Jack had hurt her in the past and no matter what kinds of things he had done while he’d been gone, she could not stand to see him in pain and only wanted to comfort him.

“You cannot.” Hawke said shaking his head. “Jack does not know you heard him and he will be angry and ashamed to know that you were listening.”

“But he’s hurting…” Allie said reaching down and patting Janna’s head as the wolf sat down beside of her.

“Yes he is and in time he might come to you with his hurt but until then you cannot act like you know anything. You do have some things to think about though, Allie. You do not love Gavin. Not the way you love Jack. And Gavin loves you but not in the unconditional and true way that Jack does. You have to decide if you are going to settle for a life with Gavin or try to make one with Jack and all of his faults and demons.”

“What do you think I should do?” Allie asked. Hawke shrugged.

“Whatever you feel is right. It is late and I am tired. Do not stay up too late.” With that Hawke walked back toward the cabin.

“Gee thanks, Hawke.” Allie said sarcastically. She thought she had spoken quietly enough that he wouldn’t hear her but she saw his shoulders shake with silent laughter.

Chapter Twelve

Lily was cleaning the breakfast dishes and watching Allie who was sitting at the table staring down at her hands. Lily wondered what kind of inner battle was going on inside her younger sisters head as she would slide her ring off and then slip it back on over and over.

Every time the ring left Allie’s finger Lily would feel her hopes rise and then when the ring would slide back down Lily would feel her heart fall into her stomach. Two days Allie had been distracted and while she hadn’t told anyone what she was thinking so hard about it hadn’t been too hard to figure out.

Finally after yet another off and then on again motion of the ring Lily blew out an irritated breath and threw down her dish rag.

“Enough already!” she exclaimed. “Either take it off or leave it on.” Allie looked up at her with confusion.

“What?” she asked.

“Your ring.” Allie sighed and looked back down at the tablecloth.

“I don’t love Gavin. Not in the way a woman should love her husband. I don’t get butterflies or have trouble breathing when he’s around…. And he doesn’t want a cabin in the woods. He wants me to live in some fancy house with maids and all those things and that just isn’t me.”

“Then don’t marry him.” Lily replied simply.

“But I don’t want to hurt him.” Allie said helplessly.

“It will hurt him worse if he marries a woman that doesn’t love him.” Lily replied gently. Allie nodded.

“I’ll give him his ring back.” Lily breathed a sigh of relief. She had not wanted her sister to marry Gavin. He was a nice enough man but she had known her sister would be miserable as his wife.

“What’s wrong with Jack lately?” Allie exclaimed suddenly. Lily gave up on getting the dishes cleaned and sat down at the table across from Allie.

“What do you mean?” Lily asked.

“He won’t even talk to me the last two days. He always acts like he’s busy.”

“He is busy.” Lily replied. Allie looked over at her sister and shook her head.

“Not that busy. He’s avoiding me. Why would he avoid me?”

“Because he loves you but you are engaged to another man and he is trying to respect that and keep his distance from you.” Lily replied firmly.

“Lily, I really need to talk to him. We haven’t really talked yet since he got back and there are things I want to say to him.” Lily sighed.

“Men don’t like to talk about things and will do just about anything to avoid it all together. You need to figure out what you want from Jack before you talk to him though.”

“I love him, Lily, but I’m scared.” Allie replied and then she stood up and smoothed out her skirt. “I’m going to go into town right now and give Gavin back his ring.”

“You can’t go alone.” Lily replied matter of factly. Allie rolled her eyes.

“I’ll be fine. I’ll take Janna with me.” she promised.

“Oh yes that will make you so much safer.” Lily said dryly.

“Please Lily, I want to do this alone.”

“Fine. But if Hawke finds out you went alone I am telling him you snuck out.”

888

Allie rode into town on her palomino mare Buttercup and hitched her up at the bank. She fought the nerves in her stomach as she walked up the steps and through the wide oak doors.

Just yesterday she and Gavin had shared lunch at the café and Allie had done her best to laugh and smile and hide the battle going on inside her mind. She didn’t want to hurt Gavin but she knew she would only hurt him worse if she married him while her heart belonged to another man.

And her heart belonged to Jack. She didn’t even have a choice in the matter. Her heart had been his for a long time and no matter what he had done in the past, he was all she could see in her future.

“Hello, Miss Jackson.” Gavin’s thin birdlike secretary Peggy said as Allie walked inside with Janna beside her.

“Hi Peggy. I need to talk to Gavin. Is he in?” A look of panic came over Peggy’s face.

“Um.. Yeah he is in but he is busy right now.” she squeaked from behind her desk. Allie looked at Gavin’s closed office door suspiciously and then her eyes narrowed when he heard a giggle come from inside.

Giggling? Allie thought. She hadn’t giggled since she’d been fourteen. Allie walked over to the door with Peggy stuttering and squawking behind her and jerked it open.

Gavin was sitting on one side of his desk and a pretty blond woman was leaning across it, her dark red, satin dress hugging her body as she pressed her lips against his. At the sound of the door bursting open the two of them jumped apart and when Gavin saw Allie he rose to his feet and came toward her stuttering.

“I.. uh.. I was… that is.. Um… What are you doing here?” he finally spit out.

“What is she doing here?” Allie countered pointing at the blond who had stood up and was smoothing out her dress while looking confused.

“Alice and I were discussing her banking options.” Allie crossed her arms over her chest and nodded.

“Yeah, that’s what it looked like you were doing.” she said. She could feel tears stinging behind her eyes but she held them back. All she could think about was the pain she had felt when she had learned of Jack’s betrayal all those years ago. Didn’t any man think she was worth being faithful to?

“Gavin, who is this?” the blond asked. Allie laughed harshly.

“His fiancee.” she replied. “Or at least I was but I ain’t anymore.” She pulled her ring off and threw it at Gavin who caught it against his chest.

“Allie, I never wanted to hurt you.” he said. Allie threw her hands in the air.

“Do you know how tired I am of hearing those words!” she exclaimed. “If you didn’t want to hurt me then you should have taken that ring back before you had secret lunch meetings with her.” Allie said pointing at the blond.

“My name is Alice. I had no idea that he was engaged.” Alice replied as she folded her hands in front of her and glared over at Gavin. Gavin cleared his throat and tugged at the collar of his suit.

“Allie, I really did love you but you and I just aren’t a match.” he said. “I fell in love with the you in your letters. I didn’t realize that guns, dirt, cursing and frontier life was also such a part of you.”

“I understand.” Allie replied trying to keep herself from yelling. “I was going to call of our engagement today anyway, but, Gavin, if you didn’t want to marry me you should have been man enough to tell me before you went after Alice. “ Alice’s name came out sounding more like a curse.

“You were going to break off our engagement?” Gavin asked and Allie nodded.

“Yes.” she said.

“I can’t believe that.” Gavin said with angry disbelief and Allie felt her temper spark anew.

“Don’t act like I’m the bad one here, Gavin. You’re the one havin’ secret meetings with that damn rich bimbo.” Alice gasped and covered her mouth with her gloved hand.

“Such language.” she exclaimed. Allie rolled her eyes and was about to just turn and walk away when Gavin spoke up and his words brought her temper back full force.

“Do not try to make me feel guilty, Allie! Just how many times have you shared that mans bed since he came back to town before deciding you did not want to marry me anymore?”

“Did you just call me a whore?” Allie demanded. Gavin stuttered and took a step back when he saw her dark eyes flash and her cheeks flush with anger.

“No of course not….”

“Yes you did!” Allie exclaimed as hot tears of anger ran down her cheeks. She started toward him determined to gouge his eyeballs out when a pair of arms grabbed her from behind.

“Whoa, Allie, let’s not do something you’ll just regret later.” Doc Mason said.

“I won’t regret it.” Allie promised and he chuckled.

“You will when you’re in jail. Now come on. It’s over and done with. The man has his ring so lets just get you on home now.” Allie nodded and Doc Mason eased his grip on her.

“I thought you were a good man, Gavin, but I was wrong.” Allie said and she turned on her heel and ran from the office and out of the bank as hot tears of anger and betrayal ran down her cheeks.

888

“You hit that horseshoe any harder and it might just be so thin it’ll be invisible.” Richard said with a chuckle as Jack swung his hammer with all his might and the loud clang of metal against metal filled the shop.

“Sorry.” he said. Jack had been imagining that the horseshoe was Gavin’s face and the hammer was his own fist. All Jack could see when he closed his eyes was the image of Gavin and Allie just the day before laughing and talking quietly over lunch at the café. Every time Allie had smiled or laughed at something Gavin had said it had felt like a knife straight into is heart. He used to be the one that made her laugh like that until he had thrown it all away.

“Why don’t you go to lunch, Jack? I think you need a break.” Richard said and Jack nodded in agreement. He pulled off his gloves and apron, wiped his dirty sleeve across his dirty face and walked out into the noontime sunlight.

He walked down the road and around the corner to the main street and his eyes were immediately drawn to the bank where he could see Allie’s palomino that he had picked out for her when he had first come to Great Valley. An image of Allie and Gavin together came to his mind and he fingered the handle of his gun. How much easier life could be if he could just forget about trying to be a good man.

He squared his shoulders and walked down the road, he had to walk past the bank to get to the café. He was just walking past the stone steps and wide oak doors when the doors burst open and Allie came running out. She tripped over her own feet and fell headfirst down the steps. Jack caught her in his strong arms and pulled her close to him.

He was surprised that she did not try to pull away or slap him after the argument they had had the last time they had spoken. Instead she buried her face against his chest and let him hold her. He had never felt warmer or more at peace than he felt with her in his arms.

“Are you okay, doll?” he asked gently as he ran his hand over her long dark hair. He heard her sniff and then he felt something hot and wet soaking through his thin black shirt. He pulled her away from him and she swiped at her face with her arms trying to hide her tears.

“What’s going on?” Jack asked as he felt anger build within him.

“Nothing.” Allie said quickly. “Get out of my way, I’m going home.” She tried to push past Jack but he stood as still as stone and she couldn’t budge him.

“You’re crying. You don’t cry over nothing.”

“They’re angry tears.” Allie replied. “I’m damned mad.”

“What did he do?” Jack asked and Allie was surprised by the anger in his voice.

“Nothing any worse than what you did.” Allie spat and again she cursed her temper that made her mouth say things she didn’t really want to say. Jack moved around her and took the steps in two long strides.

“What are you doing!” Allie gasped as she followed after him.

“Whoa there, Jack. Leave the man be.” Doc Mason said coming in between Jack and the closed office door.

“Excuse me, doc.” Jack said and then he put a hand on Doc’s shoulders and moved the older man aside. Jack knocked on the office door and he heard the lock snap into place.

“Go away.” Gavin’s voice came through. Gavin had seen Jack through the office window and he was in no hurry to have the trigger happy man kill him today.

“You gosh damned coward. Open the damn door.” Jack growled.

“Jack, come on.. Let’s just go.” Allie said tugging on his arm. Jack jerked away from her.

“Open the door or I’ll break it.” Jack warned.

“You can’t break that door. It’s solid oak.”

“I warned ya.” Jack said. Allie and Doc both jumped back and the other people in the bank screamed when Jack pulled his gun and fired a shot into the lock before raising his booted foot and kicking the door. It flew open and Jack holstered his gun as he walked into the office.

“I see now.” Jack said as he saw the blond woman trying to hide behind Gavin while Gavin started toward an open window.

“Jack, it’s not a big deal. I was coming into town to give him back his ring anyway.” Allie said from behind him.

“Allie’s been hurt enough, you son of a bitch. She didn’t deserve to have you do this to her.”

“You should be thanking me.” Gavin said. “At least now when you’re sleeping with her, you won’t be using another man’s fiancee.” Gavin had thought he could say this and then jump out the window but he had underestimated the other mans speed.

Jack was a blur as he crossed the room and grabbed Gavin my his shirt collar and threw him down hard on the desk. Alice screamed and ran for the door while Allie ran toward Jack.

Jack wasn’t even sure of what he was doing. His vision had gone red… or black he supposed as the darkness in his soul sprang to life and took over. He brought his fist down hard onto Gavin’s face and was about to do it again determined to kill the coward when he felt hands on his arm and then slowly Allie’s voice broke through the darkness.

“Jack, stop this! You are not this man!” He let go of Gavin and backed away.

“Do I need to take somebody to jail?” Marshal Yale asked as he walked into the bank. Gavin picked himself up off the desk and wiped his bloody mouth with his jacket sleeve. He wanted to say yes but he had to remind himself that Jack had saved his life not very long ago.

“No. Not if he just leaves here immediately.” Gavin replied.

“He’s leaving.” Doc Mason said as he grabbed Jack by the arm and pulled him out of the office. Allie looked at Gavin and bit her lip.

“I really am sorry, Gavin. I hope that Alice makes you happy and thank you for not pressing charges on Jack. If you knew the things he’d seen and been through in his life then you would see that he actually controlled himself pretty darn good.”

“I’m sorry too.” Gavin said giving her a guilty smile through his bloody lips. “I suppose I didn’t handle myself the way a gentleman should have with you. But I was not unfaithful and I never meant to break your heart.”

“You didn’t. My heart was never yours to break.” Allie turned and walked out of the office and out of the bank. She found Doc Mason and Jack standing outside beside her horse having an argument.

“You can’t just go around killing people.” Doc Mason scolded.

“Why the hell not?” Jack demanded. “I’ve killed a lot of men doc, one more ain’t really gonna make much of a difference. Besides I figure I saved his life once so I can kill him now and it balances things out.”

“Jack, Doc is right. You can’t go around killing people just because they say something about you.” Allie said walking down the steps.

“I don’t give a rats ass what he says about me. He made you cry and then he might as well have called you a whore and there ain’t no man gonna say something like that about you.” Allie couldn’t help but be touched by his words. They weren’t sweet and they weren’t poetry but they were from Jack himself and he was defending her again and being her hero just like he had been all those years ago.

“I better head back home before Lily gets worried.” Allie said. She started to climb up into the saddle but Jack grabbed her arm gently and stopped her. She felt sparks of heat where his calloused fingers were pressed into her soft skin.

“You rode all the way to town by yourself?” he demanded. Those weren’t exactly the love words Allie had been hoping for and she jerked her arm away from him and cleared her throat.

“I’m not alone. I have Janna.” she replied. Jack looked down at the worthless wolf who was currently busy staring up at a bird sitting on the bank roof with her tongue hanging out of her mouth.

“Ride to the blacksmith shop. I’m gonna make sure you get home safe.” Allie nodded as Jack jogged off toward the blacksmith shop. She knew that something was going to happen during this ride she just wasn’t sure exactly what that was.

Chapter Thirteen

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

 They rode in silence for a while, both of them waiting for the other to speak first. Allie was the first to overcome her nerves and break the silence.

“Jack…” she said and then she chickened out and bit her lip. What was wrong with her? She had never had a problem with saying what she wanted to say before.

“What is it, Allie?” Jack asked.

“I missed you.” she said quietly as she picked at Buttercups mane. Jack looked over at her and she could feel his blue eyes on her as she stared down at Buttercups light blond hair.

“I missed you too.” he said. “More than you’ll ever know.” Then he stuck his hand up as if he expected her to lose her temper. “Now before you yell at me and tell me there is no way I missed you because I never tried to write to you or come back to you, you need to know…” Allie shook her head and looked over at him with a sad smile.

“I know, Jack.”

“You know what?” Jack asked with confusion.

“I heard you talking to Hawke the other night.” Allie admitted as she looked back down at her hands and started chewing on her lip.

“Oh.” Jack said as he shifted uncomfortably in his saddle. “You heard all of that huh?” Allie nodded.

“Yes.” Jack clenched his jaw and wished that a giant hole would open up in the forest floor and swallow him. Knowing that Allie had heard him baring his soul to Hawke made him want to disappear.

“I uh… I didn’t know you were listening.” he said rubbing the back of his soot covered neck.

“I’m glad I was.” Allie replied. Jack pulled out a rolled cigarette and lit it. Allie curled her nose but said nothing.

“I’m sorry, Allie. I’m sorry for hurting you and leaving you. I’ve done a heck of a lot of stupid things in my life but hurting you was definitely the stupidest.”

“Yes it was.” Allie agreed with a teasing smile. Jack was about to reply when he heard a rustling sound coming from some bushes on Allie’s side of the trail. Janna started growling low in her throat and jumped between Allie and the bushes.

“Jack.” Allie said with fear. She knew it had to be a mountain lion. Janna hated mountain lions after being attacked as a pup.

“I’m right here, doll. Ain’t nothing gonna hurt ya.” Jack promised. He pulled his revolver just as the bushes exploded and a mass of teeth and claws came flying out. Janna snarled and leapt forward and Jack cursed because it kept him from taking a shot.

“Run, Allie!” he yelled. Allie didn’t have a choice but to run as Buttercup spooked and took off into the woods. Jack prayed that Allie would be able to hang on to the galloping mare and he turned his attention back to the mountain lion and Janna.

“Get outta the way!” He yelled at Janna who was wrestling around the forest floor with the cat. The only reason the fool headed wolf wasn’t dead yet was because the cat was a small one and did not look very healthy. He holstered his useless gun. He couldn’t fire a shot while Janna was in the way and he yanked on the reins of his horse trying to keep her from spooking.

Janna let out a whimper and he knew she was losing. He couldn’t let the worthless critter die because that would break Allie’s heart. He pulled his knife, cursed under his breath and jumped from his horse and onto the pile of white and brown fur wrestling on the ground.

The fight was over in seconds as Jack and Janna rose from the ground and looked down at the dead cat. Jack wiped his bloody knife on his pants and looked around only to realize that his horse was gone. He turned his attention down to Janna who was panting but other than a few bloody scratches on her legs, chest and face she was unharmed. Jack looked down at his own thigh which was a bloody mess where the mountain lion had managed to sink its teeth into him.

“Janna.” Jack said, doing his best stern Hawke impression. Janna looked up at him. “Find Allie.” he said. Janna stared up at him for several more seconds and he wondered if she was smart enough to understand a simple command and then she slowly loped off into the woods.

Jack put his knife away and lifted the cat over his shoulder. He cursed the burning pain in his leg and prayed it wouldn’t get infected and then he started into the woods in the same direction Janna had taken.

He’d been walking a long while when he heard a horse approaching him from the front.

“Oh my God, Jack! Your leg!” Allie exclaimed as she jumped down from Buttercup and ran to him. Jack tossed the mountain lion down to the ground and pulled Allie away from where she was trying to examine his legs and pressed her tight into his chest as he wrapped her in a hug. He buried his nose in her hair and breathed in the scent of lavender mixed with dirt and gunpowder. The scent was familiar and comforting and all Allie and he was happy to smell that it hadn’t changed in the years he’d been gone.

“My leg’ll be fine, Allie doll.” he promised. Allie pulled away and looked down at it again.

“You need stitches.” she said. “Lily is pretty good at doing stitches. She has had to stitch Wolf and Janna up a couple of times.”

“Have you seen my horse?” Jack asked and Allie shook her head.

“It took a while for me to get Buttercup to stop running. I wasn’t really looking out for your horse.” Jack nodded. He picked the mountain lion back up and threw it over Buttercup, in front of the saddle. He hoisted himself into the saddle, doing his best to show no pain even as sweat popped out on his forehead and his thigh screamed in protest at the effort required to lift his body up.

“Come on, doll.” Jack said as he reached his hand down for Allie’s. Allie placed her hand in his and he pulled her up behind him in the saddle. He felt her chest press up against his back and his body responded in a purely male way. He shifted in the saddle and hoped she wouldn’t notice.

“What happened?” Allie asked as she wrapped her arms tight around him and she felt his heat warm her own body. She could feel his lean muscles through his thin shirt and she could feel those muscles working beneath her arms as he flicked the reins and started Buttercup toward home.

“Your damn wolf was in the way and I couldn’t shoot the cat so I had to pull my knife and jump on top of him.” Jack replied.

“Why would you do something so crazy?” Allie demanded. Jack pointed down at Janna who was walking beside them.

“I couldn’t very well let that poor, stupid beast die. I know how much she means to you.” Allie bit her lip, unsure of whether or not she should say the words that were on the tip of her tongue. She decided to go ahead.

“You mean more.” she said. She felt that tingling low in her belly again as he ran his hand over her arms and then he turned his face a little to glance back at her and she saw that he was frowning.

“Allie, I ain’t the same man I use to be.”

“I don’t care.”

“I have a horrible temper.” Jack admitted. Allie nodded.

“I noticed.”

“I kinda overreact a lot of the time and I don’t usually think through what I’m doing.” He added.

“I noticed that too.” Jack chuckled and shook his head and then his tone became more serious.

“I’ve killed people.” Allie shivered but nodded.

“I know.”

“You deserve better than me.” he argued.

“There is nothing better than you.” Allie replied. “I was angry for a long time. I told myself that I hated you for what you had done to me. But I’ve grown up a little bit since then and I’ve realized that yeah you were stupid and yeah you screwed up but I think you’ve done paid enough for that mistake. Yes you have a temper and you overreact and yes you’ve done some bad things but you are still Jack and my heart is still yours.”

“You sure, doll?” Jack asked. God knew he wanted her to be sure because he wanted nothing more than to have her back in his arms and there was nowhere he wanted to be more than in her heart.

“Just as long as you’ll promise to never break my heart again.” Allie said laying her head against his shoulder. Jack turned his head enough so he could press a gentle kiss to her forehead and he nodded.

“I promise.” he said.

“And promise to never leave me again.”

“The only way I’m leaving you again is in a pine box, doll.”

“One more thing.” Allie said as Jack pulled a cigarette from his pocket.

“Dammit, woman, you sure do have a lot of conditions.” he said with a grin that made his blue eyes sparkle and his dimples deepen.

“Am I worth it?” Allie asked and while the words were spoken as a joke, inside she prayed that he would say yes. This whole conversation seemed surreal. She had never dreamed that Jack would come back and she was thankful that she had heard him and Hawke talking the other night. She had been fighting so much anger and rage toward him until she had heard him and realized just how much he had suffered and how much he was still suffering… All of her anger had melted away in that moment.

“Depends.” Jack said teasingly. “What else do I have to promise you?”

“No more cigarettes.” Allie said grabbing it from his hand and tossing it into the trees.

“Dammit Allie, I need that!” Jack said angrily.

“Please, Jack, it stinks and if you want me to kiss you then you can’t have stinky tobacco breath.” Jack raised a brow and smiled back at her.

“In that case….” he said and he reached in his pocket and pulled out the rest of his papers and tobacco and threw them into the woods as well. Allie blushed and knew he was about to kiss her but then she noticed the paleness of his face and the sweat that was forming on his upper lip and she looked down at his leg which was dripping blood along the path as they rode.

“Jack, you’re gonna bleed to death!” she exclaimed. Jack looked down at his leg and shook his head even as he realized he wasn’t going to get that kiss just now.

“Naw. I’m just glad the mountain lion got my bad leg. I’d look awful funny if he’d gotten the other one and I limped with both legs.”

888

“What happened?” Lily demanded as Jack jumped down to the ground and his face tensed with pain as the impact sent shockwaves through his leg.

“Don’t worry, Lily, the other guy got it worse.” Jack said lifting the dead mountain lion from the saddle.

“Mommy, look at the big cat!” Sarah said tugging on Lily’s skirt. Lily nodded and took a step away from the beast.

“I hate those things.” Lily said matter of factly.

“Where’s Hawke?” Jack asked

“Hunting.” Lily replied. Jack nodded.

“Well I’ll take care of this mountain lion.”

“I don’t think you will.” Lily scolded as Allie smiled and led Buttercup to the barn. “You are going to have a seat on the porch and let me patch that leg up.” Jack did his best to act irritated as he hung the mountain lion and limped his way to the porch but really it felt good to have somebody worrying about him again after all this time.

Lily got hot water, towels, bandages and a needle and thread ready. She used her scissors to cut away Jack’s tattered pants leg and shook her head at the deep wounds from the mountain lions teeth.

“Good thing I finished making you some new pants this morning.” she muttered. Allie and Sarah joined them on the porch to watch and suddenly Jack felt like a critter in a cage at one of them circuses he’d read about.

“So what happened in town?” Lily asked calmly as she started scrubbing the wound clean and Jack’s fingernails dug into the wooden rocking chair as he bit down on his tongue so hard he tasted blood. He let out a small grunt of pain as sweat popped out on his forehead and then all pain was forgotten when Allie pressed a gentle kiss to his temple and squeezed his hand. Sarah grabbed his other hand.

“Just squeeze when it hurts.” she said in a very serious tone. “Mommy always tells me to squeeze daddy’s hand when I have a boo boo and it makes me feel better.” Jack managed a small smile, though it probably looked more like a grimace as Lily began to stick the needle through his skin.

“Thanks Sarah. It’s helping already.” he gritted out through his pain. Sarah smiled proudly.

“What happened to your hand?” she asked as she touched her finger to his bloody knuckle that he had busted open on one of Gavin’s teeth.

“Uh… the mountain lion.” he lied.

“I think you need to tell me what happened in town.” Lily said to both Jack and her sister.

“Do we really need to have a conversation now? I’m in pain.” Jack stated with irritation.

“Judging by the scars on your leg this isn’t the first time you’ve had it stitched up.” Lily replied. “Now get to talking.”

Chapter Fourteen

“Hawke, I want you to do something for me.” Lily said that night as she laid her head against her husbands hard, sweat covered chest and listened to his heart thundering.

“Anything.” Hawke replied running his hand over her bare backside and up her long slender back. Lily trembled beneath his touch and raised up on her elbow so she could look down at him.

“Teach me how to use a gun.” Hawke’s eyes narrowed at the request and he pushed her long dark hair behind her ear.

“Are you sure?” he asked. He knew her fear of guns ran deep ever since Nathan had pressed that gun to her temple.

“Yes I’m sure. Wolf is getting older now and won’t be able to protect me like he used to and I have Sarah and the baby to think about. I want to know how to protect us. There are more and more people coming to town and that means more and more bad people are here too and then with the mountain lions and bears…”

“Okay. Tomorrow I will teach you.” Hawke replied. It would be a relief to know that his wife could protect herself and his children when he could not be around.

“I want to learn how to shoot all of them. The rifle and the shotgun. The revolver you keep under the bed and that tiny pistol. I want to learn how to shoot them all.”

“I will teach you.”

“No one will ever take advantage of me again Hawke. I’ve been afraid for too long.”

“You know I will never let anyone hurt you again.” Hawke vowed pulling her body closer to his and kissing her hair.

“There might come a time you’re not here though and I need to know how to protect myself and our children.”

“You are strong, naakiiwa, and I am proud of you.” Lily snuggled up against him taking in his warmth and strength.

“I love you.” she said and he held her tighter as they drifted off to sleep.

888

“ Did you really think you could get away from me, son?“ John’s voice said with a laugh. “Deep down, Jack, you and I are just alike. The law has no meaning for us. We just take what we want, when we want and it doesn’t matter who we have to hurt.”

“ I am nothing like you.“ Jack argued. He looked around but all he could see was blackness. There was no light and the air was heavy and nearly unbreathable.

“ Oh but you are. You’ve killed dozens of men, Jack. You’ve orphaned children and windowed wives. How long do you think it will be before pretty little Allie dies because of you? How long before you lose your temper and blow a hole in her pretty head just like you have countless people before her?“

“ I would never hurt, Allie.“ Jack argued. He tried to go for his gun as his father stepped out of the blackness but no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t move his arms. It was like his body was frozen.

“ Hello, little Allie.“ John said and Jack watched in horror as Allie walked out of the darkness. She was staring straight at him and smiling with love and trust as she walked toward him.

“ What are you doing?“ Jack demanded of John.

“ Who are you talking to?“ Allie asked. Jack tried to point at his pa but he found he still could not move.

“ Can’t you see him?“ Jack demanded. Allie shook her head and kept walking toward him.

“ All I see is you.“ she replied.

“ Show her ,Jack.“ John said with a cold smile. “Show her what kind of man you really are.”

“ I love you, Jack.“ Allie said softly.

“ I love you too.“ Jack replied and then he felt his arm moving.

“ What the hell!?’ he demanded. He was not telling his arm to move but it was moving just the same.

“ Show her, Jack!“ John bellowed. Jack felt his palm against the cold handle of his revolver and he shook his head.

“ No. No I won’t.“ he said.

“ DO it.“ John replied sternly. “You have no choice.”

“ No! Kill me! Don’t kill Allie!“

“ I’m not going to kill her. You are.“ Jack’s eyes widened with horror as he pulled his gun from holster. He yelled and screamed at Allie to run but she just stood there smiling lovingly back at him. Jack tried to stop himself as he aimed the revolver at Allie’s face.

“ No… I won’t!“ he screamed even as he felt his finger tightening on the trigger.

“ You have no choice, Jack. This is the man you really are.“ The revolver went off in his hand and he screamed…

888

Jack sat bolt upright in bed. He was covered in sweat and his entire body was shaking. His heart was pounding in his chest and it took a moment for him to recognize the room he was in and realize that shooting Allie had only been a dream.

He let out a long breath and then tensed when his bedroom door opened just a crack.

“Jack?” Allie’s voice was the sweetest sound he had ever heard as she poked her head into his room.

“What’s wrong, doll?” he asked. Allie stepped into his room and he was reminded of an angel. Her white sleeping gown was thin and the light from the candle she was holding showed the shadowy outline of her body beneath the fabric and it made her brown eyes sparkle and her dark hair shine.

“I should ask you that.” she replied. “Are you okay?” Jack scratched at his bare shoulder and rubbed his neck.

“Yeah.” he said with a shrug. “It was just a dream.”

“Okay then.” she said biting her lip and backing up toward the open door. “I’ll go back to my room then….”

“Allie.” Jack said quickly. He did not want to be alone in the dark. He hated the dark and after the dream he had just had he needed to feel Allie in his arms and know that she was safe.

“What is it, Jack?” Allie asked. She could tell that whatever he had dreamed had frightened him. His tan face was pale and he was covered in sweat despite the fact that he seemed to be shaking.

“Do you uh… Would you… Can I hold you?” he managed to ask. He was a grown man but right now he felt more like a nervous teenage boy. Allie smiled and walked into the room. She laid the candle on the bedside table and Jack moved over so she could climb into the bed.

Her heart thundered in her chest as she curled up on her side and pressed her back into his chest. He wrapped one strong arm around her and pulled her closer and she felt a heat spread from her head to her toes. She was sure she had never felt this safe or warm in her life. She leaned forward and blew out the candle before relaxing once again in his arms.

“I always wondered what this would feel like.” she whispered. Jack laid his head against hers and his warm breath caressed her cheek.

“What what would feel like?” Allie blushed.

“Lying in your arms.” Jack felt his body respond to her honest words and he scooted his hips back to hide his reaction from her. God knew he wanted Allie but there was no way he was going to make that kind of move in Hawke’s house. A man would have to have some kind of death wish to do something like that and Jack did not have a death wish… At least not anymore.

“I never thought I’d get to do this, Allie. Even on long nights when I would let myself imagine getting away from them and coming back home I never thought you would ever forgive me for the past. I never really let myself imagine I would ever get to hold you like this.”

“Like Hawke likes to say, the past is the past and we can’t change it so we just have to move forward.” Allie replied as she traced shapes on his muscular arms with her fingers and ran her fingertips over all the tiny scars covering his tight tanned skin.

“Yeah that’s what he says.” Jack replied. That was one of those sayings that was easier said than done.

“Do you want to tell me about the dream?” Allie asked and Jack shook his head.

“No.” he said quickly. They lay in silence for a moment.

“Allie, you know I would never hurt you right?”

“Yes.” she said and she was surprised to find that she believed herself. No matter what had happened in the past Jack was a different man now and she had no doubts that he would never hurt her.

“I don’t just mean break your heart. I need to make sure you know that I would never physically hurt you. Never.” Allie wondered why he was saying this but she figured it had something to do with his dream.

“I know that, Jack.”

“I love you, Allie. No matter how dark things got while I was gone I held onto a picture of you in my head and it helped me get through.”

“I love you too, Jack.” Allie said as a tear rolled down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. “I held onto my memories of you too. The way you looked that day you came to my rescue in Helena all dirty and ragged and handsome..”

“Geeze doll, you’re gonna make me blush.” Jack said as he squeezed her tighter and thanked God for giving him this angel. Surely with her by his side he would be able to fight the darkness of his dreams.  He would be able to move past the evil that he knew waited somewhere out there for him.

“Look, I kept this.” Allie said and she pulled her necklace out of her nightgown. Jack looked at the wooden hearts in the full moonlight coming through the window and smiled.

“I kept the handles you gave me too.” Jack replied pointing to his gun belt on the dresser. “I had a few people wanted to steal ’em but I wasn’t gonna let that happen.”

“Your life has been hard. I’m sorry.”

“All that is over now.” Jack said matter of factly. “I am home. I am holding you in my arms and I have never felt more at peace.” Allie snuggled deeper into his arms and Jack kissed her temple. Silence fell over them and Jack heard her breathing deepen and he knew that she had fallen asleep.

He felt a cool breeze blow through the window and across their bodies cooling his heated skin and causing small strands of her hair to dance. He knew that as long as he had her he would be okay. As long as he had her he would never be his fathers son.

Chapter Fifteen

“Aunt Allie! You fell asleep in the wrong bed!” Jack and Allie’s eyes flew open and there stood a very angry looking five year old.

“Oh my god. I slept in your bed.” Allie said sitting up quickly and throwing her legs over the edge of the bed. How was she going to face Hawke? She wasn’t too worried about Lily, her older sister would understand but Hawke was another story completely.

Jack stretched out his own legs and felt pain shoot through him. His thigh felt hot and he was sure that beneath his pants it was probably red and swollen.

“It’s okay, Allie.” Jack said trying to calm her down although he was worried about facing Hawke as well. Hopefully the man would believe that nothing had happened. Allie stood up and Sarah put her hands on her hips and tapped her foot.

“Breakfast is ready.” she said. “And you didn’t wake me up with kisses this morning.”

“I’m sorry, Sarah.” Allie said. “Good morning, Jack.” she added and then ran from the room. She saw Hawke sitting at the table looking at her over his coffee cup as she ran in her nightgown to her room and quickly shut the door.

“You have a lot of boo boos.” Sarah said to Jack as he stood up and tried to keep the weight off of his throbbing leg. Jack looked down at his scarred up chest and stomach and nodded.

“Yeah. You make sure you always listen to your daddy and do what he says even when what he says gets on your nerves because he’ll keep you outta trouble.”

“Daddy says I’m a good girl.” she replied.

“Why don’t you go on out and I’ll be out in a minute.” Jack said nodding toward the door. Sarah happily ran out of the room and Jack shut the door to give himself privacy. He undid his pants and pulled them down, wincing at the red swollen skin around the bandages on his leg. He limped over to his dresser and pulled out the small bottle of whiskey he had stored in there. He wasn’t a drinker but it was a habit to keep a thing of whiskey around for disinfecting purposes. Another lesson taught while living on horseback the last five years.

He sat down in a rocking chair in the corner and unwrapped the bandages. The cut was red and swollen but he couldn’t see any signs of worse infection and he didn’t have a fever so hopefully the whiskey would take care of it.

He gripped the arm of the rocking chair tightly with one hand and clenched his jaw in preparation for the pain before pouring the whiskey over his leg. It felt as if he had set himself on fire and he let out a low growl as he shook with the effort of holding back the string of curses that wanted to pour from his mouth.

He blew on his leg to cool it off and dry it before standing up and pulling his pants back up. He pulled on a shirt and ran his hands through his chin length hair to comb out the tangles. He wrapped his gun belt around his hips and slid into his brown vest before walking out of his room.

888

“Hawke, I need to talk to you about something.” Jack said as he limped out to the barn after a very awkward and almost silent breakfast. Hawke looked up from the furs he was gathering for town and over at him waiting for him to continue.

“I want to look for my own place.” Hawke nodded.

“That would be a good idea.” he agreed. Jack held his hands up quickly.

“Now, Hawke, nothing happened last night between me and Allie. I, uh, wouldn’t do that in your house cause, well, quite frankly you scare me a little bit.”

“Please stop talking.” Hawke said sternly as he closed his eyes and flared his nostrils. “I do not want to know what goes on between you and Allie.”

“Yes sir.” Jack said sticking his thumbs through his belt loops and rocking back on the heel of his good leg. “Now about getting my own place… I’ll have to find some land but I was hopin’ that once I do you’ll help me build a cabin.”

“No. You can have Lily’s old cabin. It is about the same size as mine and while there is not as much land with it, it still has quite a bit.”

“You mean Nathan’s land and cabin?” Jack asked. Hawke nodded.

“It belongs to Lily now but she does not want it. The cabin is in rough shape but I will help you fix it.”

“I’ll pay you all for it just as soon as I start making money.” Jack promised. He had been to Nathan’s cabin once a long time ago and he liked the river and small waterfall nearby. It would be the perfect place for him to start his family.

“No you will not.” Hawke said as he went back to sorting through his furs. “You are family and the cabin and land is yours. It is nearly two hours away but it still only takes about an hour to get to town from there so you will still be able to work as a blacksmith.” Jack was speechless once again. For Hawke to still consider him family after what he had done to them was more than he deserved but he was thankful as hell for it.

“Thanks, Hawke. I’m really hoping to have my own family soon.” Hawke nodded and flashed a rare smile.

“I knew you would be wanting your own place soon.” he said.

“I’d like to ride out there tonight after work and look at the place.” Jack said with a proud smile. “It’ll feel good to have my own place. I’ve never had a place of my own before.”

“You’re leaving again?” Allie demanded, walking into the barn just in time to hear his last sentence. Jack turned and shook his head.

“Yeah but…”

“I should have known better than to think you’d stick around.” she said angrily and then she turned on her heel and stormed away. Jack tried to follow her and she looked over her shoulder.

“Janna, bite him.” she said and Janna growled low in her throat and started toward him as Allie continued down the path toward the lake.

“You bite me after I saved your life yesterday and I’ll have me a brand new fur coat for this winter you worthless sack of bones.” Jack warned as he laid his hand on the handle of his gun. Janna seemed to think about this for a moment and then she turned and walked away from him, going down the path that Allie had taken. Wolf just sighed and walked out of the barn as well flopping down in the sunlight and stretching himself out.

“Her temper is still just as darn bad as its always been isn’t it?” Jack said. Hawke nodded.

“I warned you once that one day when you are married she will lose her temper and there will be only a pile of rubble where your cabin used to stand.”

“Yeah, well, you warned me about a lot of things and when did I ever listen?” Jack asked. “I better go find her and let her know why I want my own place before she convinces herself that I’m gone for good.” Jack limped out of the barn, cursing at the pain in his leg and cursing Allie for walking so damn far away.

He wasn’t feeling very good and he was getting worried that the whiskey hadn’t done a very good job with the infection. He found Allie at the lake tossing pebbles into the water while Janna snored away on the nearby rocks.

“I’m not leaving, Allie. I’m gonna fix up Nathan’s old cabin and Hawke is gonna let me have it and all that land.”

“Okay.” Allie said simply. She refused to look at him because she felt extremely foolish for overreacting earlier. Having Jack back just felt too good to be true and she kept waiting for something bad to happen and him to be gone again.

“I’m not ever going anywhere again, Allie. Like I told ya before the only way you’re getting rid of me is if ya bury me in a pine box.”

“I guess I just jumped to conclusions.” Allie replied turning to face him and biting her lip. She wrung her hands together and shrugged. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” Jack replied walking toward her and wrapping his arms tight around her waist. “I have given you plenty of reasons to doubt me.”

“Janna didn’t bite you did she?” Allie asked pulling away and looking over at the sleeping wolf. Jack grinned and shook his head.

“She thought better of it after I reminded her that I’m the one who saved her worthless life yesterday.”

“So you’re gonna fix up that old cabin and move into it?” Allie asked. She felt her body tremble as his eyes turned darker and hungrier as he looked down at her face.

“I’d like to have a place where my wife and I can have some privacy.” Allie’s eyes widened.

“Wife?” she gasped. He nodded and took a deep breath before continuing.

“I’ve wanted to marry you since I was fifteen.” he said matter of factly. He rubbed the back of his neck and his eyes took on a haunted look. “There’s a darkness in me Allie. A darkness that keeps me up at night and scares the hell out of me.” Allie saw hope come into his eyes as he smoothed some of her dark hair behind her ear. “But when I look at you I see light. You are like an angel and with you I feel like I’m gonna be okay. I want to have you with me forever.”

 “Kiss me, Jack.” Allie whispered. She knew she wanted to marry Jack but she wanted to feel the kind of passion his kiss would stir within her. They had kissed as kids but now she wanted to have the man he was now kiss the woman she had become.

Jack laid a gentle hand on her cheek and tilted her head up. He stared at her full pink lips and watched her tongue dart across them as she waited for his kiss. He didn’t keep her waiting long. He lowered his mouth to hers and when their lips met Jack thought for sure his heart would pound right out of his chest.

Allie had never felt this kind of heat. As his lips met hers a fire started low in her body and spread throughout her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her fingers in his thick blond hair as he kept one hand on her cheek but wrapped the other arm possessively around her waist and pulled her into him.

She moaned and he deepened the kiss. At first Allie was shocked by the feel of his tongue against her own but instinct took over and she matched his desire. Allie’s heart was thundering in her chest and her head was spinning. She wanted more.. She wasn’t exactly sure how her body could feel any more alive than it did in this moment but she knew that Jack could show her.

Neither knew how long they stayed lost in one another. It could have been minutes or it could have been hours as the birds sung around them and the gentle breeze blew Allie’s skirts and sent her long dark hair swirling around Jack’s head. When Jack finally pulled away his breathing was ragged and his heart was pounding. He laid his forehead against hers and took a deep breath to calm his breathing.

“Did that tell you what you needed to know, doll?” Jack asked as both of his arms circled her waist and she could feel his desire for her pressing against her stomach. She bit her lip and nodded slightly.

“Yes it did.” she replied and then she noticed just how hot his forehead felt against her own. She pulled away and put her hands on his cheeks so she could pull his head down and she pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. She jerked away when she realized his skin was on fire.

She looked at his blue eyes and realized they were a little glossy and he looked a little pale.

“Jack, you’re sick.” she gasped. Jack shook his head.

“No, I’m not. I’m nervous as hell.” He replied as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I just asked you to marry me and you don’t seem to want to answer.”

“Your leg is infected isn’t it?” Allie demanded.

“I’m fine.” Jack lied even as he shifted his weight to take more of it off his injured leg.

“Don’t you dare lie to me.” she scolded as she stuck her finger up at his face. “Let’s get you back to the cabin and lying down.”

“Allie, it’s just a fever.” Jack said and even he realized how stupid that statement was. A fever was never just a fever. People died every day from fevers.

“Come on.” Allie said. She positioned herself under his arm so he could lean some of his weight on her and though he wanted to refuse the help he could not because he suddenly felt so weak that he knew without her help he’d have a hard time making it home.

Janna stood quickly and followed them as they began to limp their way slowly back toward the cabin. They walked in silence because Jack was using every ounce of self control he had to keep from yelling out in pain as his thigh screamed in protest with every step he took.

“Hawke!” Allie called once the cabin came into view. Hawke came out of the barn quickly and immediately walked over and supported Jack, allowing Allie to step away. She was grateful because her legs had been about to break as Jack had leaned more and more of his weight against her.

“What’s going on?” Lily asked stepping out of the chicken coop with an apron full of eggs.

“His leg is infected.” Allie replied. “He’s burning up with fever.”

“Get him in the bed.” Lily said to Hawke and he nodded. Once they had Jack settled into bed Lily looked down at him.

“Am I taking your pants off or cutting the leg of them away?” she asked.

“I’m fine.” Jack lied hoping to get away from all the attention as everyone stared down at him. Even Sarah was standing beside the bed with a look of concern on her young face.

“Don’t argue.” Lily replied. Jack sighed.

“Just cut the leg, I got one more pair of pants I can wear.” Years of sleeping out under the sky with a bunch of other violent, ill tempered men had taught Jack to never be caught with his pants off… or down. He supposed it was pretty stupid to go by that rule when he was safe at home but old habits were damn hard to break.

Lily shrugged and walked out of the room, coming back several seconds later with her scissors. She cut away Jack’s pants leg and both she and Allie both gasped at the sight of the red, swollen wounds and the skin surrounding them.

“Jack! Why didn’t you say anything?” Allie demanded. Jack shrugged.

“I’ve had worse pain.” he replied. “And I treated the infection myself.” Hawke walked over to the rocking chair and grabbed the nearly empty bottle of whiskey. He raised a brow and held it up for everyone to see.

“You poured whiskey on it?” Lily demanded.

“Calm down.” Hawke interrupted. “Whiskey usually works good.” Hawke walked over and looked at Jacks leg.

“It is not yellow and it smells fine.” he said. Jack laid there awkwardly and looked at everybody.

“See I’m fine.” he said.

“I’ll be right back.” Hawke said. He walked into his and Lily’s bedroom and opened his mother’s old chest. He dug around until he found the salve he was looking for and then he grabbed some ground Echinacea leaves as well. He carried both back into Jacks room.

“Make tea with this. It will get rid of the fever.” Hawke said handing the leaves to Lily. She nodded quickly and walked out of the room. Hawke handed the salve to Allie.

“Put this on his leg. It will help fight the infection.”

“Are you using injun cures on me now?” Jack asked with a weak grin. Hawke nodded.

“Obviously the firewater did not work, paleface.” he replied. Jack was laughing weakly as Hawke led Sarah out of the room. Allie opened the jar of salve and quickly began spreading some over Jack’s wounds, apologizing every time he would wince in pain.

“Good as new.” Jack said after Allie had wrapped his leg in a fresh bandage. He pushed himself up into a sitting position and leaned against the wall.

“Doll, you still ain’t answered my question.” he stated. Allie smiled teasingly as she got up in the bed and leaned against the wall next to him.

“What question was that?” she asked.

“Damn you, woman. Are ya gonna marry me or not?” Jack demanded. He didn’t like feeling vulnerable and waiting on her to answer was leaving him feeling real damn vulnerable. Allie reached out and smoothed back his hair.

“Did you ask Hawke?” she asked. Jack rolled his eyes.

“I don’t think he cares.” Allie shrugged.

“Gavin asked him.” she replied matter of factly. Jack muttered something she couldn’t understand and then he looked at the open bedroom door.

“Hawke, get your big injun ass in here.” he hollered and Allie’s eyes widened. Hawke walked into the room with a cool, indifferent expression on his face and handed Jack the hot cup of tea in his hand.

“Drink this. It will lower the fever.” he said. “It is too high and causing you to see things because my ass is not big.” Allie and Jack both laughed loudly.

“You are so damn good at keeping that serious poker face all the time.” Jack said.

“What did you want?” Hawke asked. Jack sat up a little straighter and made a face as he gagged on his first drink of tea.

“Jesus criminatly, Hawke! You trying to kill me with this stuff or something. This taste worse than horse manure.”

“I would not know.” Hawke replied. Jack glared up at Hawke and then Allie nudged him with her elbow and he nodded.

“Right, um do you care if I ask Allie to marry me?’ Hawke crossed his arms over his chest and looked down at both of them.

“I expect you to. After all, you shared a bed last night.” Allie let out a groan and her cheeks flushed bright red as she hid her face in her hands.

“Nothing happened.” Jack said matter of factly. A smile pulled at the corner of Hawke’s mouth and he nodded.

“You do not have to ask for my permission. You already know I approve.” Hawke walked back out of the room and it only took several seconds before Jack and Allie heard Lily let out a happy squeal as Hawke shushed her.

“Well what do you say, doll? Are you gonna marry me? If you say no now then you’re going to break your sisters heart.” Allie smiled over at him and could not seem to wrap her mind around what was happening. Jack was here. Jack was in love with her. She was in love with him and he was asking her to marry him.

“Yes!” she exclaimed happily. He smiled happily, his boyish dimples deepening as his blue eyes sparkled.

“I love you, Allie, and I swear to you that I won’t never take your heart for granted again.” he vowed.

“I love you too.” she replied. She pressed a gentle kiss to his lips and then pulled away quickly and stuck out her tongue.

“That stuff does taste like horse manure.” she gasped as she scrubbed at her tongue with her skirt.

“Bottoms up.” Jack said with a shrug and then with a look of dread on his face he brought the cup to his lips and tossed his head back to down it all in one quick gulp.

Chapter Sixteen

“Jack, you’re supposed to be in bed.” Lily scolded as Jack limped out onto the porch that evening. Allie scooted over on the porch swing and patted the space beside her and he sat down with a smile.

“There’s no way I can stay in the bed and miss out on seeing you shoot that big old gun.” Jack replied. Lily looked at the rifle Hawke was holding and shivered.

“Are you ready?” Hawke asked. Lily blew out a long breath and nodded quickly.

“Yeah.” she said. Hawke laid the cold hunk of wood and metal in her arms and she tested the heavy weight. He held up a bullet and showed her how to load the gun. She did as he showed her and he pointed at the mountain lion fur he had wrapped around a chunk of log about thirty yards away.

“Put the gun to your shoulder and line up the metal sights. Squeeze the trigger slowly when you are ready to take your shot.” Hawke said. Lily nodded and put the gun to her shoulder. She aimed the rifle at the target, though she wasn’t sure what he had meant by sights and then she let out the breath she’d been holding and squeezed the trigger.

She felt nearly six years of fear melting away as the sound of the shot echoed in her ears. Why had she spent so long being afraid of these guns?

“Did ya hit it?” Jack asked from the porch.

“I’ll check!” Sarah exclaimed and she ran down the yard with her dark curls bouncing. Lily chewed on her lip as she waited for Sarah to say whether or not there was a hole in the target and Hawke wrapped a strong arm around her shoulders. It filled him with pride and happiness to see Lily taking back the rest of what Nathan had taken from her.

Lily turned out to be a very good shot as she took her time getting used to shooting the rifle and the shotgun. Everything was going fine and Lily was feeling foolish for being so scared until Hawke pulled the revolver out of the waistband of his pants and Lily was taken back to six years ago and the feel of cold metal pressed against her temple.

She suddenly remembered the desperation and fear she had felt that day. She remembered Nathan’s taunting voice as he told her she was going to die. She remembered the way he had pleasured himself with her body while sneering down at her and pressing his revolver so tight against her head she had bruised.

“I.. I can’t.” she said taking a step back with tears of fear in her eyes. Hawke’s eyes narrowed and he wondered to himself if it would be wrong to go to the cemetery and dig up Nathan’s rotting corpse just so he could pay him back with his own hands for what he had done to his wife.

“It is okay, naakiiwa . It is just a gun like the others.” he said in his gentlest voice that was barely any softer than his angry voice.

“I don’t think I can.” Lily replied with a mixture of irritation, fear and desperation. Jack stood from the porch swing and limped down into the yard. He could tell that Hawke was too angry with Nathan to be much help with working through Lily’s fear.

“You can do it, Lily. I’ll show ya that it ain’t hard.” he said. He grabbed a tin cup off the edge of the porch and handed it to Sarah. “Go put that on top of the log your mommy’s been shooting at.” Sarah ran down into the yard and set down the cup before running back.

“Now look here, Lily, it’s just a gun.” Jack said pulling his own .45 Colt revolver from the holster. He unlocked the cylinder and spun it around and around. “Here you do it.” he said. He held the gun in his hand and she reached out a shaking finger and gave the cylinder a spin.

“See nothing to be afraid of.” he said giving Lily that good natured, boyish grin that always put anyone who saw it at ease. “The gun ain’t the evil thing Lily, it’s the man, or woman, that’s holding the gun. And since you ain’t evil, you ain’t got nothing to worry about.”

Jack locked the cylinder back in place as Lily smiled and some of the tension left her body. He holstered the gun and then before anyone had time to blink he pulled it again and fired a shot at the can, sending it flying into the air. While it was airborne, he emptied his last five shots into it and nothing but a hunk of twisted, hole filled metal clattered to the ground.

“Jack, that was amazing!” Allie gasped from the porch. Jack holstered his gun and closed his eyes for a second to fight back the horrible memories that always flashed through his mind when he fired his gun. Memories of men begging for their lives. Memories of women and children begging him not to kill their husbands and fathers. He had always killed them anyway of course because his life had quite literally been kill or be killed.

“I’ve had a lot of practice.” he said, forcing that good natured grin back onto his face. Lily, Allie and Sarah were still looking at him as if he was some kind of superhero gunslinger. Only Hawke’s green eyes narrowed and he seemed to understand that Jack had gotten that good with a gun by killing people.

“Your turn.” Jack said to Lily and she nodded and took a deep breath before taking the revolver that Hawke was still holding and pointing it at the stump.

“Pull the hammer back, that’s the metal piece on the back.” Jack said. Lily did and then Jack smiled. “Just pull that trigger when you’re ready.” Lily forced her hands to stop shaking and squeezed the trigger. She hadn’t been prepared for the kick the gun delivered to her wrists and her shot went high and hit a pine tree behind the target.

“I missed.” she pouted as she stared at the target. Jack laughed and patted her on the back.

“Revolvers are a bit harder to shoot than a rifle. Don’t be too hard on yourself.” He led Lily a little closer to the target, stopping about twenty-five yards from the target. Allie came off the porch and held her hand out for Jack’s revolver. He handed it to her and she pulled some bullets from his gun belt and reloaded it.

“Watch this.” she said proudly. She took aim and pulled the trigger, hitting the already destroyed tin cup.

“Well I’ll be dipped in tar and rolled in feathers, doll. You’re damn good.” Sarah giggled loudly.

“If you did that then you would look like a chicken, uncle Jack.” she said. Wolf walked out of the woods then and Sarah squealed happily and ran to him and he rolled over onto his stomach to allow the child to climb on top of him.

Jack stood there and watched everyone go back to talking and shooting. Hawke watching his wife with a mixture of pride and love with his arms crossed over his chest and the normal stern set to his jaw. Sarah wrestling with Wolf and Janna joining in. Lily looking extremely proud as she got closer and closer to hitting the target and Allie laughing happily, her brown eyes sparkling in the sunlight.

This was his family. It had taken him a lot of years and countless mistakes but he was finally home.

888

“We’ve only got about two more weeks ’til we get to Great Valley Pa. We’ve got Bearclaw to take care of that damn injun but there ain’t a man among us that is quick enough to take Jack. We gotta find somebody.” Brian said as the men sat around a morning campfire drinking bitter coffee and eating stale biscuits.

“I already took care of that.” John said with a nod. “The boy should be here soon. I told him we’d be leaving shortly after dawn.” Blue kicked at a rock and rubbed the back of his meaty neck with his plate sized hand.

“I still say we just forget about going after Jack. This whole thing just feels wrong and I don’t think it’ll end good.”

“White men worry too much.” Bearclaw said dryly as he slowly sharpened his knife blade on a rock.

“I don’t know if you realized this Bearclaw but you’re half white man.” Paul, the fifth man of the gang spoke up as he poured out what was left of his coffee onto the dirt. Bearclaw simply shrugged but did not reply and Paul chuckled and looked over at John.

“So who is this new guy boss?”

“He’s a young gun but he’s damn fast.” John replied. “I had him show me and I’ll be damned if I didn’t blink and miss him pulling iron.”

“It’s one thing to be fast but can he hit the broadside of a barn?” Brian asked skeptically. The words had no sooner left his mouth when a shot rang out and his tin cup when flying out of his hand. All the men, except Bearclaw, ducked to the ground and pulled their guns. Bearclaw didn’t even look up as he continued sharpening his knife.

“I don’t know about the broadside of a barn, sir, but it looks like I just relieved you of your coffe cup.” A cocky young voice said. The men looked up to the top of the small hill behind them to see a boy no older than twenty sitting atop a big black stallion and holstering his pistol.

The men picked themselves up from the ground with shame and dusted the dirt off of their pants as they watched the boy approach.

“My names Douglas Kinkaid but most people just call me Kaid.” he said as he closed the distance between them and jumped down to the ground. His big metal spurs shone in the sunlight and his fringed brown leather vest was covered in small metal discs and beads that clinked together with his movements. His face was smooth and pale and covered in freckles and when he pulled off his hat his thick hair was curly and orange.

“He don’t look like much.” Blue said as he looked down his nose at the boy who couldn’t be much taller than five and a half feet.

“I might not look like much you overgrown bastard but I could blow your square head right off your thick neck.” Rage contorted Blue’s features as he reached for his gun but John grabbed his arm and stopped him.

“Don’t be a fool, Blue. You are the brute strength of the operation but that boy would have you full of holes before you even managed to clear leather.”

“So Kaid, you think you can take my brother?” Brian asked looking the short, skinny boy up and down. Kaid sat his white hat back on his head and nodded.

“Ain’t no man alive I can’t take.”

“Foolish words spoken by a boy with no real idea of what it is like to kill someone.” Bearclaw spoke up. Kaid shifted his feet and looked over at him with anger.

“I’ve killed plenty!” he exclaimed. “I’ve even killed my share of injuns like you.”

“No you have not but it sounds good on the job application.” Bearclaw replied calmly.

“What the hell pa! You got a boy that’s never even killed nobody to join up with us? We done did that once with Jack and that didn’t turn out real great.” Brian demanded irritably

“Do you want to be the leader of the gang?” John asked his son and Brian shook his head sighed with defeat.

“Welcome to the gang, Kaid.” he said.

“So where we headed to boss?” Kaid asked as he poured himself a cup of coffee and sipped it slowly.

“Great Valley Montana.” John replied. “Bout another two week ride. There’s a man there that knows too damn much about us and he needs to be dealt with.”

“And you want me to deal with him?” Kaid asked with a smile.

“That’s right. He’s damn fast but I’m thinking you might be faster.”

“I can promise you right now I’m faster.” Kaid replied as he pulled his revolver and spun it around his finger with a laugh.

Chapter Seventeen

The next two weeks flew by for Jack. When Jack wasn’t busy at the blacksmith shop, he and Hawke were busy fixing up Jack’s new cabin and all the outbuildings. They replaced all the furniture on the inside of the cabin so that nothing inside would be anything that Nathan had touched and Hawke had even helped Jack fill the smokehouse, woodshed and cellar with supplies.

“Allie, doll, we got the cabin all fixed up.” Jack said as he and Hawke walked in Hawke’s cabin just before lunch.

“You think you might have some more time to spend with me now?” Allie teased as she rinsed her hands off in a bucket of water and dried them on her apron. Lily swatted her with her dish towel.

“Hush. The man has been busting his back to get that place ready so you all can get married and have your own place.” she scolded with a smile. Allie nodded.

“I know that.” she said and then she turned to Jack. “Does this mean we can get married soon?” Jack laughed nervously and scraped the toe of his boot across the wooden floor.

“Yes m’am.” he said. “Whenever you’re ready.”

“Tomorrow.” Allie replied quickly. She had been waiting long enough to be Jack’s wife. She had been waiting since she’d been thirteen years old to be exact. Jack choked on the jerky he’d been chewing and after several seconds of wondering whether he was going to live or die he looked up at her through watery eyes and gasped,

“Tomorrow?” Allie cocked her hip to the side and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Is there a reason you would want to wait?” Jack shook his head quickly and crossed the room to her, wrapping her in a tight hug.

“Tomorrow sounds good to me, doll.” he promised.

“Will you take me out to the cabin so I can see the work you did?” Allie asked after he pulled away. Jack nodded and Allie called for Janna who had been stretched out on the floor and walked out the door to go saddle her horse. Hawke followed Jack out onto the porch.

“Should I expect the two of you back tonight?” he asked looking out over the woods. Jack shook his head.

“No, probably not.” he replied. He had been waiting a long time to be alone with Allie. He wanted to spend all night with her wrapped tight in his arms and though Hawke had not forbidden them to share a bed together at his house neither Jack or Allie had had the nerve to try again since that first night.

“Okay.” Hawke replied in that same deep voice that made it impossible to tell what he was thinking. “I will not worry then.”

“You don’t have to worry none about Allie.” Jack promised. “I would gladly kill anyone or anything that tried to hurt a hair on her head.”

“I feel the same way about Lily and Sarah.” Hawke replied and Jack saw a rare glimpse of the other man’s love for his family written plainly on his face. Allie came out of the barn on Buttercup.

“See ya tomorrow, Hawke.” Jack said with a grin. Hawke smiled and nodded.

“I will see you tomorrow.” he replied.

888

“This place is beautiful.” Allie said as they rode into the clearing. The grass surrounding the cabin was long and full of brightly colored wildflowers. The river ran behind the cabin and the sun shone off of it as it splashed over rocks in the riverbed. A small waterfall filled the air with the sound of crashing water from nearly two hundred feet away.

“It’s a real home now, doll.” Jack replied watching Janna run to the river and begin splashing around. “We got chickens in the chicken coop, wood in the woodshed, meat in the smokehouse and the cellar is full of food.”

“It’s perfect.” Allie said taking a deep breath of the flower scented air.

“You go ahead and look around while I put the horses up.” Jack said taking Buttercups reins from her hand. Allie nodded and Jack led both horses to the barn.

Allie walked into the cabin and saw that it was bigger on the inside than Hawke and Lily’s. The kitchen was spacious with cabinets and a woodstove along with a dutch oven and a big washbasin for dishes. There was a large oak table with four chairs in the kitchen as well and then the cabin opened up into a big main sitting room. There was a large sofa and two small armchairs in front of the fireplace. There were plenty of windows but they lacked curtains and Allie made a mental note to get some fabric for them.

Allie opened a door to the side and saw that it led to a small room that was probably a bedroom though there was no bed or dressers. There was a second door that led to yet another empty room. Allie walked back toward the kitchen and opened yet another door.

This led into a bedroom with a big wooden bed and two dressers. A washbasin and vanity desk were over on one wall beside a large window. Allie’s eyes were again drawn to the bed. She felt a delicious little tremble pass through her as she realized she and Jack were going to be completely alone for the first time.

She knew there was more that happened between a man and a woman than what she had experienced and she wanted to feel those things. She chewed her lip nervously and wondered just what he would say if he walked in and found her in the bedroom in nothing but her thin white underclothes. She had never been accused of being a coward or of being afraid to go after what she wanted and so she quickly kicked off her ankle boots and slid out of her blue cotton dress.

Her heart was pounding as she pulled several small pins from her hair and the dark waves tumbled down her back and over her shoulders. She looked in the mirror and realized she could see the outline of her nipples through the thin fabric and the shadow of hair between her legs. She was also visibly shaking in her nervousness. She shook her hands and stretched out her neck.

“Come on, Allie. You can do this. You have to reach out and take what you want just like Lily did.” she said to her reflection as she remembered how Lily had told her about going after Hawke herself when she felt he was taking too long. Allie looked over at the bed.

How did a woman seduce a man? She had no earthly idea… She knew there were women who made their livings doing just that but Hawke would have skinned her alive if she had tried to set foot in one of those places and so she had never seen how those women went about doing their job.

She sat down on the edge of the bed with her legs hanging over the edge.

“Yes I’m sure the sitting in the outhouse look will work wonders.” she scolded herself. She laid down on the bed, her entire body as stiff as a board and as she stared up at the ceiling she rolled her eyes.

“I look like I’m getting ready to be a human sacrifice.” she mumbled. She sat up slightly and leaned back on her elbows. She looked down at her long legs and the curve of her hips and smiled.

“This could work.” she said. She tossed her hair over her shoulder and chewed on her lips nervously as she waited for Jack to come inside. She could hear the clock ticking out in the sitting room and she was sure she was going to chew a hole straight through her lip if he didn’t hurry up when a loud yell, the sound of panicked chickens and a gunshot had her jumping from the bed.

The fact that she was wearing her see through underclothes did not enter her mind as she ran from the cabin to find out what was happening.

“Stupid damn, wolf! What the hell good are you to have around? You let the damn coyote come right in and go after the damn chickens and all you did was sit there and watch!” Jack ranted angrily as Janna buried her head under her paws on the ground at his feet.

“What happened?” Allie asked. Jack did not look back at her as he holstered his gun and growled under his breath.

“Stupid Janna let a damn coyote come after the chickens. He killed a couple before I shot him. I oughta shoot her since she’s nothing but a waste of…..” Jack’s voice trailed off when he finally looked back at Allie.

Allie crossed her arms over her chest awkwardly when she remembered what she was wearing. A tremble passed through her spine when she saw the hungry look come over Jack’s face and his blue eyes suddenly darkened with intensity.

“Don’t call her stupid.” Allie scolded but her words were too full of passion and uncertainty to carry any weight.

Jack didn’t reply, he just closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms possessively around her waist, bringing her body into his. His lips found hers and attacked her with a hungry passion that took her breath away and made her knees buckle beneath her. Only his strong arms around her waist kept her standing.

“I want you, doll.” Jack’s voice was deep and warm as it washed over her face.

“Then take me.” Allie whispered, though she wasn’t sure how she spoke when she could hardly seem to breath. She let out a gasp of shock when he wrapped one arm around her shoulders and the other around her knees and lifted her into his arms.

Jack wanted nothing more than to make love to this soft, beautiful woman in his arms. He felt Janna trying to push past him and come into the cabin and he kicked her in the head with heel of his boot. She let out a snort and he kicked the door closed in her face.

He carried Allie to the bed and when he lay her down the very room seemed to catch fire. There was nothing slow or gentle about the way they ripped each others clothes off. It was all fire and heat and raw passion as they explored and learned every inch of each others bodies.

Jack braced himself over her and they stared deep into each others eyes as he slid himself inside of her. Their lovemaking was fast and full of fire. Moans and whispers filled the air. Allie felt as if her entire body was full of liquid heat as he pressed his lips against her neck and then suddenly she dug her fingers into his broad back as she felt a pleasure so consuming it stopped all thought.

They lay there still against each other for several long moments, letting their breathing return to normal before Jack moved off of her and laid on his back beside her. She curled up on her side and laid her head on his shoulder. She knew now what Lily felt with Hawke. Passion and heat and an all consuming hunger. It was no wonder her sister had gone running into the Indians arms despite her husband and the harsh judgments of society. Every woman in the world deserved to feel what Allie had felt as Jack had loved her with his body.

“How did you get this one?” Allie asked running her finger over a long jagged scar along his bottom rib and causing him to jump.

“That tickles woman.” he exclaimed as he wrapped his arm tight around her and buried his fingers in her hair.

“How did you get it?” she asked again. Jack sighed. Leave it to Allie to want to talk about his scars right now while his brain was still recovering from the love they had just made. Sure he’d been with a few women in his life but they had been paid and meaningless. This was his Allie that had just loved him so passionately. The woman who was going to be his wife. The woman who had owned his heart for the last six years. He knew he did not deserve to have her but he wasn’t about to voice that fact out loud.

“You probably don’t wanna hear about that one.” he replied. Allie propped herself up on her elbow and looked down at his stubble covered face.

“Yes I do. If you think I’ll take off running then you’re wrong. I don’t run from anything and I love you no matter what you’ve done in the past.” Jack couldn’t help but grin. Allie was telling the truth about not running from anything. If she had any sense at all she would have told him to get lost the second she had met him in Helena.

“We were in Texas about two years ago and we took shelter for a night in a house. The people who lived there didn’t want us there but that never stopped us.” Jack paused and hoped he wasn’t doing the wrong thing by being honest. Of course it was better to let her know what kind of monster she was marrying before it was too late.

“I was outside keeping watch. There wasn’t nothing to be watching for but I didn’t want to be inside cause I knew what they were gonna do. I heard the little girls screaming first and instead of doing something to help them I did what I had gotten so good at doing and turned off my ears.

“The door burst open and the wife ran out. She was sobbing hysterically and covered in blood and I knew the blood belonged to her family. I stood up, not to stop her from running but to help her hide. I guess she didn’t trust me and I can’t say that I blame her. She had a knife in her hand, I’m not sure how she’d managed to get a hold of it but she tried her best to kill me with it.”

“Did… Did you kill her?” Allie asked hesitantly. Jack shook his head.

“No. I can’t say that I wouldn’t have though because I never got the chance before Brian did it for me.  I don’t think I would have killed her. I wanted to thank her because I really thought I was going to die that time and most of the time during those years that’s all I wanted to do.” Allie felt tears fill her eyes and quickly blinked them away. She hated to cry and show weakness in front of anyone.

“I don’t like hearing you say things like that.” she said as she lowered her head back down to his chest and listened to the steady, reassuring beat of his heart beneath her ear. “Why would you have been afraid to tell me about that? It sounds like you wanted to help her.” Jack snorted with self loathing as he traced gentle shapes on her back with his fingertips.

“I didn’t do shit. I let them kill those girls and their daddy and I didn’t even try to help them. I’d been taught to stay the hell out of the gangs fun if I wasn’t going to participate and like the coward that I am I did as I was told.”

“You are not a coward.” Allie said angrily. “You got away didn’t you! You stood up to them in the end even though you knew they would kill you for it. I would say that makes you pretty damn brave.”

“Too little too late, doll.” Jack replied sadly. Allie slapped him in the bare stomach and he couldn’t help but laugh.

“What was that for?” he asked as he rubbed the red handprint she had left on his skin.

“Being stupid.” she replied as she snuggled closer to him.

“Thank God for you, Allie doll. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” Jack said kissing her hair.

“Don’t ever forget it again.” she replied teasingly.

“Definitely not.” he promised and then he chuckled. “I have work I needed to get done around here today.” he said. Allie smiled nervously, still feeling a little unsure about how to show her sexuality and ran her fingertips slowly across his chest and down his stomach.

“Can it wait?” she whispered as she pressed her lips against his ear. She felt him shiver and then he nodded and turned his face so his lips were against hers.

“Why? Was there something else you had in mind to do?” Allie giggled, yes giggled. Something she had not done in years and pulled away from him.

“Nope. Let’s get to work.” she said. Jack laughed and grabbed her around the waist pulling her back down onto the bed and bracing his lean body over hers.

“I don’t think so, doll. We ain’t finished yet.” he vowed and then they made love again and this time it was full of all the tenderness and love they had felt for each other for so long.

Chapter Eighteen

“I know I said today but can we wait until tomorrow?” Allie asked as she and Jack walked up onto Hawke and Lily’s porch the next day .

“Having second thoughts, doll?” Jack asked with a grin. Allie shook her head and he ran a gentle knuckle over her cheek.

“I wanna have time to figure out what I’m gonna wear and then I’ll need some flowers and there are a couple people I’d like to have here and….” Jack pressed his lips to hers, cutting off her rambling.

“I’ve been waiting this long.” he said as he pulled away. “I guess one more day won’t kill me.” Hawke walked out the cabin door then and the two of them jumped apart as if they were young kids again caught doing something naughty.

A smile tugged at Hawke’s mouth and he raised one sculpted brow as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“Since there isn’t going to be a wedding let’s get out and fix some traps.” he said and then he walked off the porch and whistled for Wolf who followed after him to the barn.

“I guess that means I’ll see ya this afternoon.” Jack said.

“Am I staying at your cabin again tonight?” Allie asked as a blush colored her cheek and she bit her lip. Jack smiled at her sudden shyness and nodded.

“If ya think I’m letting you stay anywhere else you’ve lost your mind.” he replied. Allie tilted her head.

“Do you think you can tell me what I have to do now?” she demanded teasingly. Jack puffed out his chest and nodded.

“Yep.” Before Allie could reply Hawke came out of the barn with Trigger.

“I gotta go, doll.” Jack kissed her cheek gently and his warm breath caressed her skin causing her knees to feel weak. She watched him jump back on his horse and ride off into the woods with Hawke and Wolf and then she turned to go inside.

888

“You look beautiful.” Lily said as Allie stared at herself in Lily’s full length bedroom mirror.

“Are you sure Hawke won’t mind if I wear this?” she asked as she ran a finger over the buttery soft doeskin dress and marveled at the way it hugged her body.

“I’m sure. Hawke might seem like a hard man but deep down inside he’s nothing but a big softie.” Lily replied with a wink. Allie laughed lightly.

“I don’t know about that but what I do know is that this dress is beautiful.”

“Jack won’t be able to take his eyes off of you.” Allie felt butterflies swarm in her stomach. “We better get you back out of this dress and you can go out to my flower garden and figure out which ones you want to wear in your hair and carry in your hands tomorrow.”

Allie nodded and was about to pull the dress off when a knock sounded on the cabin door.

“Sarah, stay in here with aunt Allie.” Lily said sternly and she walked out of the bedroom. Allie waited in the bedroom door and watched Lily open the cabin door.

“What in the world are you doing here?” Lily demanded when it was Gavin standing on the porch with his gray bowler hat in his hands and a nervous smile on his face.

“I was hoping to talk to Allie… Um.. Jack isn’t here is he?” Lily shook her head.

“No he’s not.” she said. “Come in.” she added stepping aside and letting Gavin enter the cabin. Allie walked out of the bedroom and glared at him with her hands on her hips. His eyes widened and his jaw dropped at the sight of her in the curve hugging doeskin dress that showed off much of the soft skin on her chest and all her long dark wavy hair hanging down her back and over her shoulders.

“You have a lot of nerve coming out here.” Allie said. Gavin nodded.

“I know. I want to apologize, Allie. I should never have hurt you the way I did.”

“No you shouldn’t have but you’ve already apologized for that before.” she replied.

“Why don’t you have a seat both of you. The soup is heated and we can eat a bite.” Lily said. The last thing Allie wanted to do was eat. Of course the hot soup would make a nice weapon to throw at Gavin’s smooth, soft face. She smiled at that thought and sat down at the table. Gavin sat across from her and Sarah sat beside her.

“So why are you really here, Gavin?” Allie asked after Lily had given them each a bowl of soup and sat down as well.

“I um… I miss you, Allie.” Gavin replied nervously and his green eyes pleaded with her to listen to him. “I miss the way you could always make me laugh and I miss the way your brown eyes sparkle when you smile. I didn’t realize just what a great thing you were when I had you and now I am paying for that oversight everyday.”

“Gavin, I….” Allie started but he held up a soft callous free hand to silence her.

“I know I messed up but I am only a man and men make mistakes. I love you, Allie, and I can learn to live with the cursing and even the guns. I will build you a place in the country and you can have all the flower gardens you want and work in them…..”

“Gavin, I’m getting married.” Allie said matter of factly and his gentle face fell.

“Married?” he repeated with disbelief. “To who?”

“Who do you think?” Allie asked and Gavin rubbed his lip which hadn’t been healed for very long.

“Jack. I should have known.” he said wrinkling his nose as if he smelled something foul. Allie was amazed that not long ago she had been prepared to marry this man. He was the complete opposite of Jack. Jack had a hard, tan body, made that way from years of hard work and living in a saddle. Jack had a wild look about him with his long, constantly tangled hair and stubble covered face. His blue eyes almost always sparkled with amusement as if there was a joke playing in his head that only he could hear.

Gavin was soft and pale. He had been born into a home with maids and servants and had never worked or even seen a hard day in his life. Everything had been handed to him. His green eyes were warm but lacked the spark that Jack’s possessed that excited her so much.

“Yes Jack.” she replied. “What happened to your Alice?” Gavin snorted and looked down at the untouched soup in his bowl.

“She was not happy about the fact that the man romancing her was already engaged to another woman. She has not spoken to me since that day in the bank.”

“So you’re here out of desperation?” Allie asked with a laugh. She wasn’t angry. Gavin was not worth getting angry over. Not when she had a strong, caring man with a warm body and hungry arms to love her. Gavin shook his head hard and locked eyes with her.

“I am here out of love, Allie. I love you. Please think about what you are doing before you marry him. I can give you everything that money can buy. I know you are not the type of woman who cares about material possessions but just think about the things I can do for you.” Allie shook her head and shrugged.

“I don’t love you, Gavin. And no amount of money will ever change that. I love Jack.”

“I guess I’ll be going then.” Gavin said clearing his throat. Lily spoke up then.

“It’s a long ride back to town. At least finish your soup before you go.” she said. Gavin agreed but only because he wanted to be able to look at Allie in that dress just a while longer.

“My uncle Jack is much more handomer than you.” Sarah said sweetly before sticking a spoonful of soup into her mouth. Lily and Allie both choked on the soup they’d been about to swallow and Gavin turned red with a mixture of anger and embarrassment and he nodded.

“Your uncle Jack is a lucky man.”

888

“So are Jack and that injun there?” Brian asked as Bearclaw seemed to appear out of nowhere beside them, slipping silently across the forest floor.

“No. There is a man there but he is not Jack and he is not an Indian. They are all in the house.”

“What about a wolf? Is there a big gray wolf?” Brian asked remembering the way that wolf’s golden eyes has seemed too smart and aware to belong to an animal.

“No. There was a white wolf but she wandered into the forest. I do not believe she is a threat.” John nodded.

“Let’s go then. We’ll kidnap the women to have a little prize for ourselves and leave Bearclaw and Kaid to take care of Jack and the injun” he said. Brian nodded in agreement and the two of them turned to face everyone else.

“Let’s saddle up boys and go have a little fun.” John said and the men all laughed and hooted with excitement. All except Bearclaw who simply hoisted his thin, wiry body up on his horse and stared off into the forest.

888

Janna ran through the trees as quickly as she could. She had to find her alpha, her mate and the grumpy one named Jack and let them know that trouble was coming to the cabin. She had smelled the bad man and she had watched him leave. She had to find help before he came back. She couldn’t let anything happen to her pack. Wolf would know what to do. He was wise in the ways of hunting and killing. She raised her nose in the air, picked up his scent and increased her pace.

888

“Thank you for the soup, Lily. I’ll be leaving now.” Gavin said standing up and placing his hat back on his head. Allie walked over to the door and opened it for him. Sarah screamed as soon as the door opened and when Allie looked out to see what she was screaming at a fist connected with her face and she fell hard to the ground.

Chapter Nineteen

Lily screamed and grabbed her daughter, pulling her tight against her chest and running for the bedroom and the rifle that was in there but Brian got to her just before she reached the gun. He pulled a screaming Sarah off of her and threw the girl down on the bed before grabbing Lily’s soft face roughly in his hand and pressing a hard, painful kiss to her lips.

“I’ve been wanting to get my hands on you for a long time. ’Course it’d be better if you weren’t fat with another man’s baby” he said running his hand over her stomach. Lily felt her stomach turn but held back her vomit. She felt a nearly paralyzing fear as flashbacks of Nathan raced through her mind. Only her daughters sobs and the thought of her unborn child snapped her out of her fear and made her realize she didn’t have time to be afraid right now.

She brought her knee up and grunted with satisfaction when it connected solidly with his groin. All the breath rushed out of him as he doubled over. Lily pulled out of his grasp and grabbed the rifle but before she could aim it another set of stronger hands grabbed it and jerked it away from her.

“You’re a feisty one.” A tall mountain of a man said with a sneer. He grabbed her and threw her down on the bed before tying her hands together behind her back. When he stood her back up Brian had recovered himself enough to clench his fist and punch her hard across the cheek. Lily was not sure where she found the strength but instead of screaming out or crying she squared her shoulders, looked into his mean blue eyes and spit in his face.

“I’m gonna have fun with you.” Brian promised with a chuckle and Lily felt a shiver of disgust run across her skin.

“Brian get out here!” John called and Brian grabbed Lily’s arm and led her out into the main room.

“What am I doing with the kid?” the mountain of a man asked.

“Bring her along, Blue. I heard Kaid sayin’ he likes em young.” Brian replied.

“No!” Lily screamed as she heard Sarah crying out for help. Her cries were silenced when Blue used his bandana as a gag to silence her and then tied her hands together. Lily looked at the six men standing in her home and realized that the situation was hopeless.

“What do you want me to do with him?” Paul asked as he pointed at Gavin who was cowering in the corner.

“Kill him.” John replied with a shrug.

“No wait!” Gavin cried. “My name is Gavin Henderson. My father own a number of banks. He would pay you a lot of money for my safety.” Paul looked over at John waiting for orders and John nodded.

“Tie him up, Paul. We’ll take him along.” he said. Allie moaned and used the table to pull herself to her feet.

“Well if it isn’t Jack’s little doll. You sure are a pretty thing.” Blue said walking over to her. He handed Sarah to John and then ran a finger down her cheek.

“I want this one first.” he said as lust filled his small black eyes. Allie felt disgust fill her and shook her head.

“Never.” she said. “I will kill you first.” she promised. Blue laughed loudly.

“A little thing like you?” he asked bringing his hand down to her breast and giving it a squeeze. Allie jerked away and spit at him.

“Don’t touch me.”

“Leave us alone!” Lily exclaimed with desperation. “Hawke and Jack will kill every last one of you.”

“They can’t kill us if they are already dead.” Brian whispered in her ear, his breath hot and moist against her skin. Lily felt her heart break at his words. Was her husband dead? That couldn’t be possible. Hawke was too full of power, strength and deadliness to ever be killed by men as savage and witless as these men.

Blue lowered his mouth to kiss Allie and she bit down hard on his lip causing him to howl with pain. He punched her hard in the face and she grabbed onto his shirt to keep from falling. She saw his knife on his belt and knew it was her only chance. She couldn’t kill all of them but maybe she could take at least one of them out.

She grabbed his knife quickly and in an act of desperation she jerked it across his thigh and as blood began shooting from his leg she knew her aim had been true and she had cut through the artery that ran there. Blue’s eyes widened with pain and horror as he realized he was dying. The blood was pouring from him so quickly that his vision was already going black. He grabbed at her as he fell and she gasped when he jerked her necklace from her neck and it fell to the floor.

Allie didn’t have time to pick it back up before something hard connected with the back of her head and the world went black.

888

Lily watched in horror as Allie fell unconscious into the man named Paul’s arms.

“Dammit. I always liked Blue. Kaid, Bearclaw, tie him to his horse and we’ll get out of here. You men hang around and deal with my son and that injun when they get back.” John said. Lily felt hope enter her for the first time. Hawke wasn’t dead. But what if Kaid and Bearclaw killed him and Jack when they came back? She couldn’t lose her husband. She looked over at Sarah whose brown eyes were wide with fear as she watched the men. Lily straightened her spine and forced herself to focus on surviving and saving her brave sister, her daughter and the baby in her belly. She had to stay strong for them.

She was pulled up roughly behind Brian on a horse and she saw that her daughter was sitting in front of John on another horse while Allie was with Paul. Blue’s dead body was thrown over yet another horse. Gavin’s hands were tight and he was sitting on a horse alone that was tied to John’s horse. She didn’t see any other horses and realized that Bearclaw and Kaid must have hidden them and she prayed that her husband and Jack would be okay and she prayed they would find her, Allie and Sarah before it was too late.

888

“I know a lot of the lessons you tried to teach me I didn’t want to hear back then and over the last few years I’ve come to realize that most of the time you knew what you were talkin’ about. But I still say you should kick whoever’s ass it is that is destroyin’ your traps.” Jack said as he and Hawke went about fixing the third broken one they’d come across.

“I am beginning to think that is a good idea myself.” Hawke grumbled.

“Hawke, I’ve been wanting to ask you something.” Jack said his voice suddenly sounding more serious. Hawke stood straight and wiped the sweat from his brow.

“You have always spoken too much, do not stop now. What do you want to ask?”

“Well I don’t really have a last name to give to Allie. Bennett was what I was raised as but he wasn’t my real pa, and I’d rather not take my real pa’s last name. As a matter of fact I’d rather chew my own foot off than do something like that…” Jack rubbed the back of his neck and then squared his shoulders and looked into Hawke’s eyes.

“I want to be Jack Owen. I want to be your son in name since I already feel like I am in all the other ways.” Hawke stared hard at Jack for several long moments and Jack wished he knew what the Indian was thinking.

“Jack Owen…I like it.” Hawke replied and then in a moment that shocked both of them Hawke reached out and wrapped his arms around Jack in a tight fatherly hug as he patted him on the back.

“Right. Now let’s get this thing fixed so we can get home. I am hungry.” Hawke said awkwardly after he pulled away. Jack nodded and swallowed back the emotion in his throat.

They were just finishing when Wolf jumped to his feet and let out a bark. Janna came running out of the trees then and from the way she was panting they could tell she had been running hard.

“What are they doing?” Jack asked as Janna and Wolf yipped back and forth and Janna kept looking back in the direction of the cabin.

“Talking.” Hawke replied simply. Wolf’s body tensed and he growled low in his throat.

“Get on your horse, Jack. Something is wrong.” Hawke said, his body tensing. Hawke jumped on Trigger in one fluid motion and Jack was reminded of the fact that Hawke was an Indian first and a white man second as he seemed to become one with the forest and the animals.

Jack jumped on his horse as well and the two men galloped as quickly as they could toward home with both wolves keeping pace behind them.

Chapter Twenty

Jack threw caution to the wind when the cabin came into view. He jumped from his horse and ran as fast as he could onto the porch, throwing open the door and freezing as the coppery scent of blood filled his nostrils.

“Allie! Lily! Sarah!” he called out each name and was met with silence. He walked around the table and that’s when he saw the large dark red puddle on the floor. He swore his heart stopped beating in that moment. That amount of blood could only mean one thing. Whoever had left it here was dead.

He saw something in the blood and reached down to pick it up. His entire body began shaking as he used his thumb to wipe the blood away from the tiny wooden hearts and stared at the A and J carved into them. His entire world came crashing down around him. Allie was dead. This was her blood that was covering his hand. Who would have done this and where were they now?

He felt his very soul turn black. There was no reason for him to care about right or wrong any longer. His angel was gone and he was going to kill whoever had taken her from him. Nothing else in the world mattered. Only vengeance. He clutched her necklace so tightly that the wood cut into his palm but his mind was numb to the pain. He stuck the necklace into his pocket and then he heard the voices outside.

“Wolf, Janna stay.” Hawke said sternly. “Where is my family?”

“Gone.” a young male voice answered. Jack walked out onto the porch and felt his blood boil in his veins when he recognized Bearclaw. He didn’t recognize the boy standing beside him with the fancy holster and smirk on his face though.

“Where is Allie?” Jack asked and Hawke saw the blood on Jack’s hand and felt a mixture of dread, fear and anger fill him.

“Are you Jack?” the boy asked spitting at the dirt. “My names Kaid and your pa hired me on to kill you seeing as how I’m the fastest man alive with a gun.” Kaid smiled up at Jack who stood there with a cold look in his blue eyes and his face a mask of stone.

“Where is Allie?” he asked again.

“Dead.” Kaid said with a laugh. “You should have heard her scream. She begged for her life and screamed your name as she died.” Jack didn’t waste time listening to any more of this worthless bastards words. In a movement that was so fast that even Hawke’s eyes missed it Jack pulled his gun and fired a shot straight into Kaid’s forehead.

The man fell to the ground without even getting a chance to pull the gun he bragged about being so fast with but it wasn’t enough for Jack. His mind was full of nothing but rage and pain and darkness and all he wanted to do was give into the blackness in his soul.

He ignored Hawke and Bearclaw who were circling each other with their knives drawn and crossed the grass to where Kaid’s body lay. He pointed his gun down at the boys fancy fringed vest and emptied the last five shots into his heart.

Allie was gone.. His Allie was dead and it was Jack’s fault. Jack had led these murdering sons of bitches to his family. Jack straddled Kaid’s dead body and began driving his fist into his bloody face over and over and over again.

Hawke forced himself to ignore Jack as he circled the other Indian. This man was short and wiry and Hawke knew he would be fast.

“All the men say how afraid of you they are.” Bearclaw said. “But I fear no one. I will drive my knife through your heart before you ever have a chance to…..” Hawke had heard enough. He had to save his wife and daughter. He did not have time to listen to this man go on an ego trip. With a flick of his wrist he threw his knife and it sunk deep into Bearclaw’s chest. Bearclaw looked down at the knife with shock.

“You cheated.” he gasped. Hawke shrugged.

“There are no rules when battling cowards who attack and kidnap innocent women and children.” he replied. Bearclaw took one last shallow breath and fell dead to the ground. Hawke used his boot to roll the man over and pull his knife from his chest. He went into the cabin, stepping around the deep puddle of blood on the floor and grabbed his rifle from the bedroom floor.

He walked back outside and found Jack still pounding away at the dead boys face that was now simply a unrecognizable, bloody mess.

“He is dead.” Hawke said. Jack stood then and clenched his bloody fists at his sides.

“I did this.” he said. “Allie is dead because of me. They followed me here somehow.”

“We do not know for sure that Allie is dead. We must leave now, Jack, and find them. We have to save my wife and daughter.” Jack nodded and without another word both men jumped on their horses.

“Wolf, find Lily.” Hawke said. Wolf smelled the air and then took off into the woods. Jack and Hawke followed after them quickly both men lost in their own thoughts and Jack battling a hundred of his own demons in his mind.

888

It was getting dark when the men finally stopped their fast pace and began to set up camp for the night. They sat Allie, Lily, Sarah and Gavin down beside the fire and Paul kept his eyes on them to make sure they did not try to escape.

“Pa, Bearclaw and Kaid should have caught up to us by now.” Brian said worriedly as he looked out at the dark plains, long grasses and shadows surrounding them.

“They’re dead you bastard. Did you really think they were any match for Jack and Hawke.” Allie spat. Lily shot her a look that told her to ’ shut up ’ but Allie just shook her head. If these assholes were going to kill her then she was at least going to let them know what she thought about them first.

“Shut up you mouthy bitch.” Brian said and he slapped her across the face.

“Don’t hit her.” Gavin spoke up. Brian raised his fist to strike Gavin and much to Allie’s horror tears filled Gavin’s eyes.

“Don’t him me either.” he begged and Brian broke down with laughter.

“We got us a little pansy man.” he exclaimed. Lily wished that she could wrap her arms around Sarah and comfort the shaking girl but her hands were tied too tightly behind her. She scooted herself as close to her daughter as she could and Sarah laid her head against her chest.

“We’ll have to write out a letter for his pa and see just how much money we can milk out of the old man before we start sending him back his sons body parts.” John said.

“Oh my God.” Gavin squeaked and then he turned his head to the side and threw up in the dirt.

“Did I really agree to marry you once upon a time?” Allie demanded. Gavin looked over at her with anger in his eyes.

“How can you be so calm?” he demanded. “They are going to kill us?” Allie shook her head.

“They are not going to kill us.” Allie replied. “Just wait until Jack and Hawke get here.”

“They aren’t coming.” Gavin spat back. “They are dead.” Sarah’s eyes widened and filled with tears and Lily glared over at Gavin.

“Would you mind not telling my daughter that her daddy is dead?” she demanded.

“But he is.” Brian sneered leaning down so close to Lily’s face that she could smell the foul odor of his breath. Then he looked down at Sarah.

“Your daddy is dead little girl. And soon you will be too.” Sarah started crying but the sound was muffled by the gag in her mouth. Lily kicked her foot out and caught Brian in the shin and he jumped back and rubbed at it painfully.

“You’re going to pay for that.” Brian said. He grabbed Lily by the arm and jerked her to her feet. She fought against him but she was no match for his strength. Allie screamed her name but Paul silenced her by bringing his fist down hard across her mouth. Brian drug Lily a little way past the glow of the campfire and threw her down on the hard ground.

“I’m gonna have fun with you.” he said. Lily was helpless to stop him with her hands tight behind her as he hoisted her skirt and ripped her underclothes off, tearing the thin fabric and tossing them aside.

Lily tried to fight the panic that was rising in her. Panic would not save her life. She focused on her hands as he pressed his dirty lips against her face and leered down at her. The rope was coming loose and she knew that if she twisted just the right away she could get them free.

Brian undid his pants and braced himself over her. She cried out when he forced her legs apart with his knees. Lily’s hands came free just as he was preparing to stick himself inside of her. Brian was too caught up in his own anticipation and pleasure to realize her hand was free and she grabbed his gun from his holster.

The sound of the shot filled the air and Brian’s eyes widened in surprise. He sat back on his knees and looked at the blood pouring from the hole in his stomach.

“You killed me.” he said with shock. Lily pulled herself out from under him and rose to her feet.

“No one will ever take advantage of me again.” she vowed. Brian fell face first onto the grass.

“Throw the gun down and get over here or I’ll blow her brains out.” John’s hate filled angry voice called and Lily looked over by the campfire to see John standing there with his gun pressed against Sarah’s temple. Lily quickly tossed the gun aside and walked toward him.

“Please don’t hurt my daughter.” she begged.

“You killed my son!” John bellowed. Lily didn’t say anything because she knew there was nothing she could say to ease his anger. She had killed his son and given the chance she would kill him as well.

John tightened his hold on the trigger. He would show this woman what happened when you killed his son. He would kill her whining little brat of a daughter right here in front of her.

“Uh boss.” Paul called with concern. John turned his attention to the other man and followed his gaze to see a white wolf standing out in the shadows.

“They’re here.” John said. “Hawke and Jack are here hiding somewhere… They’re probably watching us right now.” John and Paul both gave each other nervous glances because neither liked the odds they were facing.

Chapter Twenty-One

“Allie.” Jack gasped as relief flooded through his body. He crouched in the grass and shadows out of sight and looked down at the scene. Allie was alive but she was tied up and so was Lily and Sarah. Gavin was there as well and Jack wondered what in the world he was doing with his pa.

“Lily killed your brother. That was the gunshot we heard.” Hawke said as they watched John retie Lily’s wrists.

“Good for her. I know what kind of man Brian is and I can tell you what he was probably trying to do to her.” Hawke felt his blood boil at the thought of any man touching his wife but he forced himself to remain calm. Angry men made mistakes and his families lives depended upon him keeping his head.

“Two is all that’s left of the gang. That blood at the cabin must have been Blue’s.” Jack whispered. Hawke nodded.

“What do we do now?” Jack asked.

“We wait for our opportunity.” Hawke replied and both men looked back down at the campfire below.

---

“Come here, Lily.” John said sternly and Lily walked to him. He grabbed her arms and retied the rope that was still tied around one of her wrists. “Stay still or I will kill your daughter.” he warned.

“Let’s play a little game.” John said loudly enough so that he knew anyone hiding in the shadows would be able to hear. He grabbed Lily by the arm and pressed his gun against her temple. She bit her lip and fought back the tears of fear and desperation that were burning in her eyes. What was it about her that screamed ’ Hey crazy psycho killers, please come stick a gun to my head?’

“Bring her sister over here.” John said to Paul. Paul nodded and pulled Allie to her feet. He led her over to stand next to John and pressed his own gun to her temple. Both of the sisters looked into the shadows and wondered where their men were. Janna had disappeared back into the darkness and was no longer visible and Lily suddenly had a horrifying thought that maybe the wolf had followed them on her own and Jack and Hawke really weren’t here to save them.

“What’s the game?” Allie asked keeping her fear from showing in her voice. “I love games.”

“We’re gonna find out just how much lover boy over here cares about you.” John replied nodding toward Gavin who looked more scared than Sarah as he shook and cowered beside the fire.

“Oh great.” Allie muttered.

“One person is going to die here in two minutes. It’s either going to be Jack’s beautiful little Allie doll or you, Gavin. You get to pick.”

Gavin looked like a deer in headlights as he stared at Allie. He did not want to die but then again he did not want Allie to die either. Damn Lily for shooting this crazy mans son. She should have just let him have his way with her instead of killing him and signing all of their death warrants.

The tension in the air was so thick it could be cut with a knife as Gavin and Allie stared at each other. She could not believe that he was this big of a coward. She already knew what he was going to say before he even opened his mouth to speak.

“Her.” he whispered as tears fell from his green eyes. “Kill her.” John laughed loudly as Allie shook her head with disbelief. John grabbed Allie and threw her to the ground.

“Paul, go kill that coward.” he said. Allie and Lily both closed their eyes tightly as Paul walked over to Gavin. The sound of a rifle shot filled the air but when Allie opened her eyes it was Paul that was lying dead on the ground. Allie took advantage of John’s moment of confusion and pulled away from him.

Hawke and Jack came running from the shadows and John felt a moment of panic. He grabbed Lily who was trying desperately to get to Sarah and pressed his gun to her rounded stomach.

Hawke and Jack stopped in their tracks.

“Let go of my wife.” Hawke said his voice as cold as steel and his hands tensing on the rifle he was holding. Allie tried to run to Jack but John stopped her.

“Nobody move!” he yelled. “ I am in control here.“ He looked over at Gavin but the man was curled up on the ground and definitely not a threat. He looked back at his son and the injun and his mind raced to come up with a way to get out of this alive.

“I’m leaving and I’m taking her with me.” John said tilting his head at Lily.

“You will not take my wife.” Hawke growled.

“If you try to stop me I will kill your unborn child and then I will kill your wife.” John replied. Lily knew she had to do something. She could see the helpless look in Hawke’s eyes. She recognized it well since it was the same look he had had when Nathan had been holding her. It broke her heart because she knew he would hate himself for not being able to help her. Hawke was fast but he was not fast enough to stop John from pulling the trigger that his finger was already tight against.

Lily knew it was time to take things into her own hands. She took a deep breath and then turned slightly and brought her knee up into John’s groin. She yanked away from him as he doubled over and took off running toward her daughter.

John knew he was going to die. He heard a growl behind him and saw a gray wolf coming toward him like a living shadow and he saw his son pulling his revolver.

Time seemed to stop and the world stood still as John turned his gun to Allie. He might be about to die but he was going to take away his sons happiness before it happened.

Jack saw his pa turn his gun toward Allie. Jack yelled her name and launched himself through the air, throwing his body between Allie and the bullet that came roaring from John’s gun. Jack fired a bullet of his own even as he felt a burning pain fill his chest as his pa’s bullet found its mark. He heard a snarling as Wolf leapt on John and he heard the tearing of flesh as Wolf made sure the threat was gone.

“Jack! Oh my God! Hawke he’s been shot!” Allie screamed as she fell to her knees beside him. Jack could feel his breath growing weaker and his vision was blurring. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the necklace. He held it up to her and she cursed her hands that were tied behind her back.

“Don’t you die on me, Jack. I can’t lose you again.” Allie said as tears poured down her face. Jack tried to smile but began choking on the blood gathering in his lungs. He didn’t mind dying this way. After all the terrible things he had done in his life, he would happily die knowing that he had saved Allie’s life.

“I… love you.. Doll.” he gasped as the blood rolled out of his mouth and down his cheeks.

“I love you too.” Allie replied. Her heart was shattering apart as she watched the love of her life and the other half of her soul bleed on the ground at her beside her. She watched his eyes close and she broke down burying her face against his neck.

“He can’t die.” she said looking up at Hawke. “He can’t die because that would mean he sacrificed himself for me! I can’t live with that on my conscience!”

Hawke untied Lily’s hands and a sobbing Lily ran to her daughter and untied her before removing the gag from her mouth and lifting her into her arms. Sarah curled her arms around her mother’s neck and buried her face against her chest

Hawke walked over and untied Allie’s hands before lifting Jack’s unconscious body into his arms.

“There is a town close Allie but I think we are going to be too late.” he said as he whistled for Trigger and the horse came walking out of the darkness toward them. Hawke threw Jack over the horse and then jumped up into the saddle. He waited until Gavin, Allie and Lily had found horses to mount and then they began galloping as fast as they could toward the nearby town.

888

“He is not going to wake up.” The doctor said in a cold, stern voice. “He is dying and there is no point in me wasting supplies to try to save him.” Allie collapsed on the floor of the doctor’s stark sitting room when she heard his words come through the office door and sobbed into her skirts. Lily was curled up in an arm chair with a sleeping Sarah in her arms. Lily had a look of shock and horror on her pale face and had yet to say a single word. Wolf and Janna were curled up together in the far corner. Gavin had already holed himself up at the nearest hotel with several bottles of whiskey.

Hawke looked down at Jack’s bloody, unconscious body lying on the doctors operating table. His skin was grey and ashen and his breathing was shallow. Hawke felt a desperate rage fill him at the doctors words. He looked at the tall thin man and pulled his knife.

“What are you doing?” The doctor demanded with panic as Hawke stalked toward him and the doctor backed up until he was pressed against the wall and Hawke glared down at him with a deadly intensity in his eyes.

“You will do what you can do save my sons life or I will end yours.” The doctor nodded quickly and looked over at the dying boy.

“I will try but the boy is dying. You need to say your goodbyes.” Hawke turned and stormed from the room slamming the door behind him. He stood in the sitting room and looked down at Allie sobbing on the floor and at his beautiful sleeping daughter and his terrified wife and wondered how they were all going to survive losing Jack for a second time.

Epliogue

Two Years Later

Hawke shook his head as he bounced his son Falcon on his knee and watched his daughter running back and forth in front of the porch to keep up with her uncles pacing. Wolf had long since stopped following their footsteps and had flopped himself down in the sun with Janna.

“You know someone once told me that if you dig a deep enough hole you can fall straight through the earth and land in China. I would say you are getting close with that ditch you are wearing in the yard with your big feet.” Jack stopped pacing and glared over him.

“Shut up, Hawke.” he snapped. “Nobody likes a smart ass injun.”

“Yeah daddy, nobody likes a smart ass injun.” Sarah agreed. Hawke raised his brow at Jack who grinned sheepishly.

“Sarah, you shouldn’t talk the way I do. I don’t say very nice things.” he said. A yell of pain filled the air and Jack renewed his pacing.

“I should be in there!” he grumbled. Hawke nodded and chuckled as he relaxed back in his chair.

“And if you had not been such a grouch then Lily and Doc Mason would not have run you out.” Jack stopped pacing again and Sarah ran into him with a giggle.

“You’re enjoying this aren’t you?” Jack demanded. “I’m a nervous damn wreck, Hawke. I ain’t cut out to be a daddy! What if I break it or what if it hates me… Hell listen to me I’m calling my baby a it! What kind of father does that?”

“For someone who has faced death a hundred times you sure do scare easy.” Hawke said and he laughed loudly at the look of terror on Jack’s face.

“It will be fine, Jack.” he promised. The sound of a crying baby filled the air as Doc Mason walked out of the cabin. Jack ran to him and nearly trampled him to the floor before he managed to stop his running feet.

“Is Allie okay? Is the baby okay?” he asked quickly as he bounced up and down in his nervousness. Doc Mason laughed as he nodded and wiped his sweaty brow with his shirt sleeve.

“Your wife and son are just fine.” Jack whooped loudly as he pulled off his hat and slapped it against his leg.

“Did you hear that, Hawke! I got a son!” he yelled happily. Hawke nodded and smiled.

“What are you waiting for? Get in there and break him. I am sure he will hate you.”

“Hawke, leave the boy alone. No one likes a smart ass injun.” Doc Mason scolded with a grin. Jack rolled his eyes at both of them and pushed past Doc Mason and into his cabin. He ran to the bedroom and there was his beautiful wife looking like a tired, pale angel and holding a tiny pink baby in her arms.

“Congratulations daddy.” Lily said giving Jack a hug. “He is perfect.” Lily gathered up the soiled sheets and towels and walked out of the room, closing the door behind her.

Jack walked to the bed and sat down beside his wife and son.

“How are you, doll?” Jack asked her. Allie smiled happily up at him and leaned her head against his chest.

“I am perfect now.” she said. Without warning her mind flashed back to that day two years ago when the doctor had told her that her soul mate was going to die. She had thought her world was going to end and she had remained by his beside for the weeks that followed as he had balanced precariously between life and death.

After nearly three weeks he had opened his eyes for the first time and Allie had been right there and when she had seen that spark in his blue eyes as he had looked at her she had known he was going to be okay. It had taken nearly three months before he had been well enough to come home because of the damage to his lung and another few months passed before he could get around without getting short of breath.

It amazed her that now, two years after taking a bullet to save her life, he was sitting beside her with love in his eyes and his boyish smile lighting up his face as he looked down at their son lying in her arms.

“Do you want to hold him?” Allie asked. Jack nodded nervously and took the tiny boy into his arms. His sons blue eyes locked with his own and Jack knew without a doubt that he would give his life for this boy. He would make sure he always had everything he needed. He would work hard to mold him into a good man and he would never turn his back on him. He would be the kind of father that Hawke had taught him how to be.

“What are we going to name him?” he asked. Allie yawned and shrugged.

“What do you want to name him?” Jack thought for a moment and then looked over at her.

“I would never have come home to you if not for the old man that saved my life. Do you think we could name him Felix?” Allie smiled and nodded.

“That would be wonderful. I will be forever grateful to that man for sending my Jack back to me.” she said in a sleepy voice. Jack smoothed her hair from her face and kissed her forehead.

“Get some sleep, doll. I’ll take care of the tyke for a while.” he said. Allie sighed with contentment and snuggled up to his chest as she closed her eyes. It didn’t take long for her breathing to become deeper and he knew she had fallen asleep.

He looked down at his son who was still staring up at him with his bright blue eyes.

“Welcome to the world, Felix Owen. I’m your daddy.”