Introduction

T I T L E

D E D I C A T I O N

This story is dedicated to anyone who’s drowning in his inner demons and needs saving.

A U T H O R ’ S N O T E

This is the fifth installment of Torralba Series, please read the stories in proper order. Aking ikagagalak ang inyong bawat boto at komento sa istoryang ito. Maraming salamat!

S O C I A L S

You can follow my social life on instagram and twitter @kuyajax_wp

D I S C L A I M E R

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and events are fictitious, unless otherwise stated. Any, resemblance to real person, living or dead, or actual event is purely coincidental. All rights reserved. No part of this story may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, without the prior permission of the author.

PLAGIARISM IS A CRIME!

Prologue

The sky is starting to get eaten by dark, a deep red and mellow-orange hue being swallowed on the far west, warning of an oncoming storm. I looked up as if it was the first ever art I have seen in my life. Ilang sandali nga’y tuluyan kong naramdaman ang patak ng tubig na bumagsak sa aking mukha. I felt comfort in the tiny beads of rain, but felt longing at the same time.

Buong lakas kong hinila ang bitbit na maleta na kasing-bigat na rin yata ng nararamdaman ko na sinabayan ng panahon. At least, something is feeling the same way I was feeling.

Umihip ang marahas na hanging naging dahilan nang pagkagulo ng aking buhok. Gustuhin ko mang ayusin iyon ay wala na akong ibang choice kung hindi ang magpatuloy.

My feet have been tired from the long walk. Maging ang balikat ko ay ngawit na dahil sa pasan kong backpack sa aking likod. Pumatak ang tubig sa aking braso ngunit napatigil ako nang mapagtantong hindi iyon galing sa kalangitan, kundi galing sa aking mga mata.

I was too hurt that I didn’t notice my eyes were leaking tears, like an acid rain.

Pinunasan ko ang mga luhang dumaplis sa aking mata. I’m so tired of all the mess I’m going through, thinking if I deserve all of these? Ano ang mga ginawa kong masama upang piliin nila ang hindi nila kaanu-ano kaysa sa sariling kadugo nila? I thought blood is thicker than water?

I stopped from walking, hindi na alam ang gagawin. I badly want to end my life but there is still something that’s keeping me alive. I closed my eyes and feel the beat of my heart. I loved someone and gave my all, but that’s not enough. I was always not enough.

Love alone is never enough.

Tinignan ko ang maleta kong nasira na ang isang gulong. Mahigit tatlong oras na akong naglalakad sa kawalan, I guess it’s just its nature to fail and give up. Out of frustration, sinipa ko ang isang hydrant na nananahimik sa isang gilid. Agad kong naramdaman ang kirot sa aking binti.

“Shit!”

I want to curse life. Life isn’t supposed to be like this. Hindi ko alam pero siguro nga’y maituturing na akong baliw kung pati ang tadhana ay sisisihin ko. This is not fate, this is reality. And to deal with this kind of reality is crap.

Lumingon ako sa paligid. Malapit nang manaig ang kadiliman sa kalangitan at heto ako’t hindi alam kung saang lugar na ako nakarating. Dito ako pinadpad ng aking mga paa. Namumula na ang kulay gatas kong balat dahil sa pagod.

I noticed I was in a sidewalk, lines of shops and bars are on my left side. I looked up at the familiar sign on top of an old bar and decided to pay a visit to a friend.

It was dim when I entered the bar, not enough lighting but enough to see the few people around. Hindi pa ma-tao ang lugar dahil maaga pa, iilan lang ang natanaw kong customers sa mga tables at sa counter. All kinds of people go here, teenagers pretending like adults, workers who work 9-5, drunk and lost people, even retired and veterans go here to eat and drink.

I occupied a stool on the counter and quickly the bartender noticed me.

“What happened to you?” Eric asked, isa sa mga matagal ko nang kakilala.

Hindi ako sumagot at umiling na lamang sa kawalan. I thought he understood what was going on and he served me a glass of lemonade. I probably looked so dreary.

“It’s on the house.” aniya, nginitian ko siya at nagpasalamat.

I drank the cold liquid like it was my only salvation left. Abala ako sa inumin nang marinig ang boses sa aking paligid. Napansin ko ang isang lalaking nakaupo sa counter, roughly two meters away from me, may kausap ito sa telepono at mukhang stressed habang hinihilot ang kanyang sintido.

He’s on a white button-down shirt like he just got out of an office. He seemed so out of reach. I couldn’t help but listen to him.

“No, he’s okay, he’s just being grumpy… yeah… no, he still needs help, I don’t know how…”

Ayaw ko mang pakinggan pero walang ibang tao sa counter kaya naririnig ko ang mga sinasabi nito. The conversation went on until something interesting piqued my attention.

“Yeah, I have to find him a new nanny, a housemaid, or a fucking gardener, whatever the fuck he wants… no, he’s not living with me, he’s on his fucking house in Montvierre… yes, he told me he wants to be alone…”

Montvierre, that’s like a private property not too far from here. I looked at the man but he’s almost leaving and left some bills on the countertop. Private property. Lives alone. Gardener. And then a brilliant idea came to my mind, flashing like a bulb.

“Do you know that guy?” I asked Eric when he went to claim the bills. He looked at me strangely, like I was up to something nasty. Nang hindi ako umimik ay sinagot din naman nya ang tanong ko.

“You don’t know him? That’s Legend Torralba.”

I have gathered details from Eric and found myself inside the private property, don’t ask me how I got in but I have skills in sneaking in. There are creepy trees everywhere but I did not expect a huge mansion behind those shady trees. Nakaawang ang labi kong lumapit ako roon.

At first, I did not believe it. Maybe, I’m just seeing things others cannot see because I’m starting to get insane. But this is real.

There is a fountain in the middle, the ground is carpeted with bermuda grass. Towards the pathway is a huge mansion. Mangha kong pinagmasdan ang disenyo at intrikadong mga haligi na pumalibot doon. I did not realize how my feet started to move on its own.

Nasa harap na ako ng gate. Ilang beses akong nagdalawang-isip na mali at bawal ang gagawin ko. But when I turn backwards, I saw how isolated this place is and the darkness finally owned the sky.

I have no place to go. And I don’t have any choice.

“T-Tao po?”

Subalit ang mga huni ng ibon at lagaslas lamang ng hangin ang tangi kong narinig. I looked at every part of the mansion, at sa bawat bintanang sarado ay wala akong maaninag ni isang tao o kahit anino man lang.

“Tao po? May tao ba diyan?”

I’m starting to think that this is an abandoned house where characters in a horror movie go to, and where the ghosts are lurking. But it’s a modern house, it doesn’t look old or creepy.

Nagulat ako nang itulak ko ang gate ay hindi iyon sarado. There is no padlock either. Does it mean, someone is living here or is this place really abandoned?

Hindi ako matatakutin pero isa ako sa mga taong nananakit kapag sinubukan mo akong takutin.

“P-Papasok na po ako..” paalam ko sa kung sino mang makarinig sa akin.

Hinatak ko ang maleta kong pagod na sa maghapon. Medyo basa ang mga damo dahil sa marahang patak ng ulan. I wonder if there are any cctvs mounted on every hidden part of the mansion, but there is none.

Then my imagination started to materialize again. Dahan-dahan akong umaapak sa mga damo dahil baka mamaya ay mayroon palang mga patibong na nakatago rito. I have to be cautious.

Nakarating ako sa main door ng bahay nang walang kahirap-hirap.

Softly, I knocked on the door thrice. But there is no response at all.

“What the..” Nang pihitin ko ang knob ay bukas rin iyon.

I’m really getting insane. Why do I feel like there is something wrong? The gates and the doors are not locked. Like it was improvised to welcome every stranger to get in, which is not normal. Who would do that?

Mas lalo akong namangha sa ganda ng loob ng bahay. I can only see plain colors. Earth colors are mostly used. But the furnitures and sculptures look like I can buy a house if I sell those. The walls are painted white, and the wooden floor is shining that I can almost see my reflection in it.

Iniwan ko ang maleta at ang backpack sa sala at ako ay nagtungo sa kusina. Napansin kong kumpleto ang mga kagamitan, wala akong maipintas na kahit ano. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nagtulak sa akin na buksan ang refrigerator.

Agad na lumikha ng ingay ang aking tiyan nang makita ang dami ng pagkain doon. May mga prutas, gulay, may mga stocks ng processed foods, beverages, alcohol, at mayroon ding cake.

“What the fuck…” I murmur like what’s going on with my life?

After all the hardships I went through, then what is this luxury? Hulog ba ito ng langit dahil naawa na sila sa pagpapahirap sa akin?

Kumuha ako ng isang mansanas at kinagatan iyon. Inilabas ko rin ang cake at ipinatong sa malawak na mesa.

“Oh god..” I moaned when it’s my favorite chocolate cake.

Humiwa ako ng kapiraso at saka iyon nilantakan. I did not eat for the past eight hours, kung kaya’t normal na makaramdam na ako ng labis na gutom.

Naubos ko ang mansanas at ang mga limang hiwa ng cake. Damn. Ngayon na lamang ulit ako nakakain ng masasarap na pagkain at ng ganito karami. Nakaramdam ako ng uhaw kung kaya’t muli kong binuksan ang ref at hinugot ang isang bottled water.

I was in the middle of drinking when I heard water splashing somewhere. Baka lumakas na ang ulan?

Dahan-dahan akong umalis ng kusina at nagtungo sa isang glass door sa dulo. Binuksan ko iyon at naramdaman ang pagpasok ng malamig na hangin. So this glass door leads to the garden and an infinity pool where a guy…

A guy?

Umahon ito sa swimming pool. Parang slow-motion na napapanood ko sa tv. Sinuklay niya ang basa at tumatagiktik na buhok gamit ang mga daliri. Likod pa lamang ang nakikita ko pero parang lumulundo na ang mga tuhod ko.

This is not just a guy. This is a man.

Lumapit ito sa isang sun lounger at inabot ang puting tuwalya doon. Pinunasan ang sarili. Ang sarap sigurong maging tuwalya kung ito ba namang lalaking ito ang gagamit sa’yo.

Natigil ako sa pagtitig nang mabitawan ko ang hawak na bote ng tubig kung kaya’t lumikha ito ng ingay. I almost jumped out of shock when the man turned his back.

Dali akong umatras at saka bumalik sa kusina upang maghanap ng pagtataguan. Natataranta na ako. I’m not fucking good at this! Never akong nakapaglaro ng hide and seek noong bata ako kaya hindi ko alam kung saan ako magtatago.

I heard his footsteps getting closer.

Nang marinig ko ang pagbukas ng glass door ay umupo ako at saka daling sumuot sa ilalim ng table. I saw his bare legs on my field of vision. Marahan ito kung humakbang at nagtaka ako dahil parang hindi siya ganoong ka-kumbinsidong may ibang tao sa loob ng bahay bukod sa kanya.

I can’t feel urgency in him.

“Lej?” I heard him said.

Pinanood ko ang mga hakbang niyang nag-iiwan ng bakas dahil sa tubig.

Kabig-kabig ko ang aking dibdib at gusto nang kumawala ng aking lamang-loob. Ano ba itong pinasok ko? Baka makasuhan pa ako nito at bintangang magnanakaw. Oh well, I ate his food and that’s still stealing. And trespassing.

I said I badly want to die but I don’t want to rot in jail.

Naglakad-lakad pa siya patungo sa sala. Sinundan lamang siya ng mga mata ko.

Ilang minuto ang lumipas. Lumabas ako sa ilalim ng lamesa at saka sinilip ang loob ng sala. I found him beside the main door, his hands resting on his waist. Napagmasdan ko na naman kung gaano kakisig ang kanyang pangangatawan. Ngunit agad din akong nagsisi dahil malamang ay bugbog sarado ako rito kapag nahuli ako.

I tiptoed just to hide behind the wall. I saw him slowly tilting his head. But there is a dark aura around him that I can’t ignore. It’s like a mysterious aura radiating on his body.

I sighed.

“Who are you?”

What? I kept my shock in place. Bumuntong hininga lang ako pero paano niya nalamang..

“I won’t hurt you. Just tell me who you are.”

Tinitigan ko siya na ngayo’y nakatingin na sa gawi ko. Pero hindi niya ako napapansin dahil sa matangkad na vase at halamang nasa harap ko.

Isa lamang ang masasabi ko. Ang gwapo nito. Hindi ko magawang isarado ang bibig ko dahil nakakamangha lang talaga ang kanyang mukha lalo na ang mga mata.

His eyes are captivatingly beautiful. Like there is a light behind the darkness. He looks so vicious and ruthless but in a gentle way. Damn, I can’t keep my thoughts to myself.

He won’t hurt me? Walang maniniwala roon.

Gustuhin ko mang magpakita at humingi ng paumanhin ngunit naisip kong huli na ang lahat. I was born to do wrong things. Wala na akong ginawang tama. That’s the main reason why people don’t want to keep me.

I badly want to end my life but it’s crazy to still think that someone could save me. Save me from this darkness. I’m still hoping… someone… just someone….

Chapter 1 [Demon]

Pilit kong ibinaon sa kokote ang mga aralin namin sa isang asignatura kahit na alam kong hindi talaga ako matandain. I was never the achiever, I’m just a commoner in our school. Nakakapasa lamang ako dahil sa mga special projects o di kaya ay dahil sa awa ng aking mga guro.

Masyado na akong matanda para sa baitang ko sa high school. Isa sa mga dahilan ang paglipat-lipat ko ng eskwelahan. At isa na ring dahilan ang kakapusan ng pera. As much as I like to study and graduate with flying colors, napagtanto kong hindi talaga ako para roon.

Isa sa mga naging distraksyon ko sa pag-aaral ay ang boyfriend kong si Anton.  Patago ang aming relasyon dahil una’t sa lahat, isa siya sa mga tinitingala ng kababaihan dahil sa angking kisig at kagwapuhan. He’s an honor student too, which is way opposite of me.

“Wala ka man lang bang pangarap sa buhay?” Tanong niya sa akin isang araw noong nasa canteen kaming dalawa.

I never had a dream. Hindi ko alam. With all the stress and problems, hindi ko na masiguro kung mayroon nga ba akong pangarap. I did not dream of my future too.

“What would you like to be in the future?” he kept on asking me.

I don’t wanna be someone else. I just want to live for who I am.

“Siguro ang makatapos ng pag-aaral..” I answered just to make it safe.

Well, every student’s dream is to finish school right? In this time of my life, ayaw ko munang maghangad ng mas mataas pa doon. Dahil paano ko maaabot iyon kung ang pagtapos ng pag-aaral ay hindi ko magawa, hindi ba? Doon muna ako sa simple. Short-term goals ika-nga nila.

“Paano ka makakapagtapos kung hindi ka naman nag-aaral? Ang baba ng grades mo Riley, hindi ka ba nahihiya?” he sipped on his glass of iced tea.

Kung ganoon, ikinahihiya niya ako? I understand that he’s an achiever pero hindi ko maiwasang manliit kapag ganito siya magsalita sa akin.

Some people are high born, but they don’t have the right to belittle those people below them.

“Mag-aaral na akong mabuti, it will be better if you lend me a hand since you’re one of the top students.”

Actually, matagal na akong humihingi sa kanya ng tulong. If he could just help me study those subjects I’m having difficulties with, it’s going to be a good idea.

Some people can do things alone and still get good scores. While I’m one of those in minority who needs a helping hand just to accomplish something.

“You know I’m always busy with my majors, and with the council too.” that is his line always when he’s trying to dismiss me with my ideas.

He’s the school council president kaya mas umonti ang oras namin para sa isa’t isa.

I am an only child but I have an adoptive brother, Otep who always treats me like a competition.

I remember once when we were in elementary.

“Ma, pinarangalan po ako na best in math and science!” he’s just ten years old during this time and I was nine.

Tuwang-tuwa si Mama at Papa sa award na ipinakita niya. May award din akong natanggap ngunit titulo lamang iyon para sa pinakamasipag na estudyante sa aming klase.

I always suck at academics.

“Ang galing naman ng anak ko! Bakit hindi mo gayahin ang kuya mo, Riley?” then their attention was transferred to me.

At doon magsisimula ang pagkukumpara.

“Algebra lang ito ah? Ang hina mo naman. Mamaya ka na, naglalaro pa ako.” isang gabing may takdang aralin ako at nagpatulong ako sa kapatid ko.

Abala siya sa paglalaro ng isang online game.

“Nahihirapan kasi ako sa pag-apply ng formula, patulong sana ako..” nanatili akong nangulit sa kanya.

I have this beautiful eyes, gaya ng madalas kong marinig sa mga kaklase ko. I look too innocent, pure, hindi makabasag-pinggan.

Itinulak lamang niya ako palayo at saka lumabas ng aming kwarto.

I sighed. I tried to do it on my own, and the results are not that good. Ilang beses nang pinatawag sina Mama sa school nang dahil sa akin. And after the private meetings, my mother would just blame me at home for how I am less of a kid just because my grades are not that good compared to their adopted son.

“Mabuti pa iyong si Otep at panay matataas ang marka! Itong sayo walang pag-asa!”

I would cry myself to sleep just to forget those hurtful words.

Hindi ko maiwasang gawin iyong dahilan kung bakit pagtungtong ko ng high school ay mas lalo kong napabayaan ang pag-aaral. Napa-barkada ako at napadalas ang pagcutting of classes.

Minsan na akong nabugbog ng aking amain dahil sa mga kagaguhan ko. I never blamed them because of what I am now. It’s just that I got so tired of following the rules of being a good son. I realized I was born as a rule-breaker.

And I’m good at breaking the rules.

Madalas kaming mahuli ng mga kaibigan ko sa likod ng school na naninigarilyo at nag-iinom ng alak. I got influenced by so many people, good habits lang siguro ang hindi ko natutunan.

“Riley, ano itong naririnig kong hindi ka raw pumapasok sa klase?” isang gabi pag-uwi ko sa bahay ay iyon ang bungad sakin ni Mama.

Hindi ako sumagot at diretso lamang ako sa aming kwarto. May dalawang kama sa loob at doon naabutan ko ang nag-aaral na si Otep. Tinignan niya ako na parang isang multo.

Hindi ko siya pinansin, ganun rin naman siya. Bagsak ang pag-upo ko sa kama at saka inilabas ang isang lighter at sigarilyo sa aking bulsa.

“Tarantado ka ba, bakit dito ka maninigarilyo sa loob? At kailan ka pa natuto niyan?” Isinara niya ang binabasang aklat waring nawalan na ng interes doon.

“Uhh, dati pa ako marunong. Anong masama sa sigarilyo? Just because I smoke doesn’t mean I’m a bad person.” pangangatwiran ko.

Ang dami kong kilalang nagsisigarilyo pero hindi lahat ay masamang tao.

“Masama ’yan kung idadamay mo pa ako! “

Lahat na siguro ng ginawa ko ay masama sa paningin nila. I can’t blame myself too. I was never praised for anything when I was a kid, even the small wins. Even when I tried too hard to give my best, I did not receive any support from them. And I don’t blame them either for it.

Tumungtong ako ng kolehiyo.

Nagkaroon ako ng sumunod na boyfriend, siya si Jason. Agresibo siya at parte ng aming barkada. Hindi ko ibinibigay ang buong sarili ko sa kanya dahil sa ayaw ko. I love him but love wasn’t enough to give in to him.

“Tangina, sige na dadahan-dahanin ko naman. Kahit ngayong gabi lang..” malikot ang kanyang kamay na humihipo sa aking hita.

Nag-iinom kami sa bahay ng isa naming kaibigan. Kaarawan nito kung kaya’t hindi ko tinanggihan ang imbitasyon.

“Jason, hindi pa nga ako handa. Hanggang halik lang ang kaya kong ibigay sa’yo.”

At madalas na kapag sasabihin ko iyon, umaasim ang mukha niya.

“Kahit isang beses lang hindi mo ako mapagbigyan?” nakakunot na ang noo niya.

I almost say yes to him pero nanaig ang aking sariling layunin. Ibibigay ko lamang ng buo ang aking sarili kung alam kong handa na ako at kung sigurado akong sa tamang tao ko ibibigay iyon.

I’m not saying he’s not the right one for me, but it will not hurt to give him his time to mature. To show that he can be the right person.

But it became too hard to find the right person nowadays. It’s a stereotypical world after all.

“It’s always a no, Jason. Kung mahal mo talaga ako, hindi mo ako pupwersahin sa isang bagay na hindi ko pa handang gawin.”

Lumunok ako. Tinungga ko ang sumunod na baso ng alak.

“Kung mahal mo ako, hindi ka magdadalawang-isip.” huling tugon niya.

Nagtagal iyon sa aking murang isipan. Ganoon ba talaga iyon? Ako nga lang ba itong may mali? Ako ba ang kailangang magmature upang maintindihan kong sa ganoon na umiikot ang pag-ibig ngayon?

Inabot kami ng gabi doon. Wala na akong maalala dahil lahat kami’y naging alipin ng alak.

Kinabukasan ay pumutok ang isang photo scandal ko na halos hubad at may nakapatong na isang lalaki. Pamilyar ito at kilalang-kilala ko, it’s Jason. Hindi kita ang mukha niya sa litrato at tanging ako lamang ang kita.

“Ano na naman bang kalokohan ito? At pumapatol ka pa sa kapwa mo lalaki? Kasalanan ito sa lipunan!” narinig kong litanya ni Mama na hindi magkanda-ugaga sa nalamang balita.

Hindi ko na inalam kung paano nakarating sa kanila iyon. Agad akong lumingon kay Otep na ngayon ay normal lamang ang emosyon at parang wala lang ang nangyayari.

“Kung anu-ano ang natututunan mo! Hindi ka namin pinalaking ganito!”

I did not give in to Jason’s wishes that night. This is me and him, but nothing really happened. That jackass!

Parang may magkabilang kawali sa tainga ko na wala na akong ibang marinig. I just feel numb and null. This insignificant feeling that I have while growing up has been always there.

Hindi ito naglaho.

“Sakit ka sa lipunan!” both of my parents told me that.

Minsan, kung sino pa ang inaasahan mong tatanggap sa’yo ay sila pa ang hihila sa’yo pababa. Hindi makukuntento hangga’t hindi ka lugmok sa lupa.

Those hurtful words I heard from my family, I never heard of it from my friends.

That’s why I chose my friends rather than my own blood.

“Ayos lang ’yan, Rile. Ano ka ba, sariling buhay mo pa rin naman ’yan!” Ani Kimpoy, ang tibong kaibigan ko na madalas makaintindi sa pinagdadaanan ko.

“Kasalanan ba talaga ang maging bakla?” I don’t know why I think of that.

Hindi ako mapakali dahil pakiramdam ko talaga’y mali ang pagkahumaling sa kapwa kasarian.

“Kasalanan siya kung bakla ka na nga, tapos masama pa ugali mo. Bakla ka lang pero mabait ka.” pagsabat naman ng lalaking kaibigan namin na si Renan.

Hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ba ako sa sinabi niya.

“Kasalanan siya sa mata ng ibang taong sarado ang isip. If they cannot accept us, then we just have to ignore it. Mutual acceptance is almost hard to attain these days, right?” dagdag pa ni Kimpoy.

“Tanggap naman kita, Riley. Halika nga at chupain mo ako rito!” binatukan ko ang lokong si Gael.

Si Gael ay matalik na kaibigan ng ex boyfriend kong si Jason. Nang malaman niyang hiwalay na kami ay siya naman ang dumidikit sa akin.

“Ina mo, Gael!”

Ilang buwan rin ang lumipas ngunit ang masalimuot na larawang kumalat ay hindi man lang lumipas kasama ng panahon. I still get those weird attention from jackass boys, and those disgusted eyes from the girls.

Limang beses ang pasok namin sa isang linggo pero tatlong beses lang siguro ako kung pumasok.

Madalas pa akong harangin ng mga barumbado kong kaklase sa locker sa hindi ko malamang intensyon.

“Hi, Riley..” bungad ng lalaking may kulay ang buhok, may pagdila pa ito sa labi.

Diretso ang gawi ko sa locker pero hinarangan niya talaga ako para makuha niya ang buong atensyon ko.

“Ang snob mo naman.. But I like it…”

Asshole.

That’s why I started to hate boys. I’m not generalizing the whole population with male genitalia. I said I hate ‘boys’, but not ‘men’.

“Sorry, I don’t talk to strangers.”

I don’t even know him. Saan nakakuha ng lakas ng loob ito?

“You suck dick, right?” straight-forward niyang tanong.

“Putangina mo!” hinampas ko ang mukha niya ng librong dala ko.

Hindi ko rin nakalimutang sipain ang itlog niya. Namilipit siya sa sakit.

Umalis na ako doon. Sanay na ako sa mga ganoong eksena. Ilang beses na rin kasing may lumalapit na lalaki sa akin upang bastusin ako. Ipinagtatanggol ko ang sarili ko ngunit hindi ko na pinapalaki pa ang issue. Ayaw ko nang madagdagan pa ang ingay ng pangalan ko.

I was called in by the school’s director the next day. That asshole filed a complaint against me for being violent. While he’s being an asshole, really?

“We don’t tolerate this kind of acts, Mr. Alveo. You’re clearly breaking the school’s policy.” the director said without even letting me explain my side.

This has always been one-sided. No one wants to hear my voice.

“Excuse me? Siya ang basto—”

“Stop it, Mr. Alveo. You also kicked his…” hindi niya itinuloy dahil alam ko na ang karugtong niyon. “that’s not the way we teach students. That’s not the behavior we are expecting from you.”

Oh God. I don’t know what to say. Sa sobrang pagka-badtrip ko ay nanahimik na lamang ako.

Why do these idiotic people even exist?

“You’re not getting away from what you did!” bulong ng lalaki pagkalabas namin ng office.

“I did that because you deserve it anyway.” walang gana kong sagot.

“I will make your life miserable!”

Oh come on! My life’s already miserable from the day I was born, may ikaka-miserable pa ba ito?

I was given a three-day suspension. Mabilis na kumalat ang balita sa school at maging sa tainga nina Mama at Papa. I looked at Otep who’s obviously the main source why they knew about it.

“Mabuti naman at nakauwi ka ring bata ka! Kanina pa kita hinihintay!”

Kitang-kita ko ang galit sa mga mata ni Mama. I was just suspended pero bakit ganito siya kung mag-react.

“I know, Ma.. It’s just suspen––”

“Nakita ko ito sa mga gamit mo. At nagdo-droga ka na rin ngayong hayop ka??” tinitigan ko ang hawak niyang maliit na zipbag na may mga tabletas.

Yes, I smoke, I drink, but I don’t do drugs what the eff!

“Hindi sakin ’yan!”

But that was pointless.

“Kanino ito kung ganoon, sa akin? Sa Papa mo??” she questioned sarcastically but without humor in her face.

“I don’t do drugs, Ma..” I want to burst out in laughter but come one..

I’m so tired of arguing and cleaning up my name. Sino namang maglalagay nito sa mga gamit ko? Hinanap ko si Otep ngunit wala siya sa paligid.

“Nagkakaila ka pa! Bakit ka ba lumaking ganito?! Isang malaking kahihiyan! Lahat ng kasalanan sinalo mo!” naiiyak na siya sa galit at hinagpis.

I never blamed them why I grew up like this. Pero kung iisa-isahin ko ang mga dahilan kung bakit ako naging ganito, well mahaba-habang usapan siguro iyon.

“Sabi nang hindi akin ’yan, Ma! Anak mo ako pero bakit lagi niyo nalang pinalalabas na sinunghaling ako?” hindi ako nakatiis na magtaas ng boses.

I know I do bad things! But I’m still proud that I’m not a liar!

Gulat ang reaksyon niya. Agad na pumasok siya sa loob ng aming kwarto at pinagtatapon sa mukha ko ang mga damit ko.

“Lumayas ka! Wala kang respeto!”

That was it. Ayaw ko nang isa-isahin ang mga sumunod na masasakit na salita dahil ayaw ko nang isipin pa iyon.

I don’t even want to stay inside a home like that. That’s not home, that’s hell.

Pinunasan ko ang pawis na tumulo sa aking mukha.

Napadpad ako sa isang magarang mansyon kung saan nakatira ang isang matikas na lalaking naghahanap sa akin ngayon.

“Come out. I won’t hurt you..”

He stood tall, masculine, and smoking hot.  But there is this dark aura that I can sense. It’s like he’s enveloped with such mystery. Malalim at buo ang kanyang boses.

Nagbuntong-hininga ako.

This time that I need help, lumabas ako at nagpakita sa kanya. I don’t know why I got suddenly conscious of how I look.

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude.” I voiced out. He turns to me.

His eyes are like waves crashing the ocean, soulful and deep. The jawline is perfectly sculpted, and the curve on his lips is beguiling. Tumitig siya sa akin.

There is something in the way he looks at me.

It’s weird but there is something I can’t really name.

“Who are you?”

I got mesmerized by the way his mouth opened. I don’t usually drool, ngayon lang siguro.

“P-Pasensya na talaga kung pumasok ako without your permission. Bukas kasi ang gate at ang pintuan.”

That’s a lame excuse by the way. Hindi lahat ng bukas na pintuan ay papasukin mo, bobo!

His lips in a grim line. He’s not removing the straight stare he’s giving me. Parang tumatagos sa kaluluwa ko ang kanyang tingin.

Shivers ran down my spine.

“Anong pangalan mo?”

Tanong niya na parang binalewala ang rason ko. I hold my breath and kept my voice steady. My hands are already shaking because of his presence. He’s just a single person but his presence occupies the whole atmosphere of the house.

“R-Riley…” sagot ko.

Muntik ko pang makagat ang dila ko. This is the first time that I got too nervous. Too nervous because of a man?

“Riley.” inulit niya at parang may inisip na kung ano.

He paused for a few seconds.

“Are you the hired gardener?” He added while still giving me his whole attention.

Hindi na ako makapag-isip ng maayos. My thoughts are almost everywhere and the sanity in me got lost.

“Y-Yes? Yes!”

Damn myself for stuttering!

His lips rosed for a half-smirk. He’s the only one reading humor in this conversation.

“I never asked for a gardener, and never hired either…” ang ngisi sa kanyang labi ay unti-unting naging katakot-takot.

Like those of a demon.

“Now, let me ask you once again. Who are you?”

Chapter 2 [Gardener]

Mabagal at marahan akong humakbang palapit sa kanya. But still, his eyes didn’t move or gaze. It’s stuck in its position.

“Riley ang pangalan ko. H-Hardinero ako, I was hired by someone..”

I can almost hear myself breathe briskly. Na animo’y hinahabol ako ng isang-daang kabayo sa bilis ng pagpintig ng dibdib ko.

There is really something in his eyes that I can’t decipher.

“I never asked my brother to hire anyone, mostly without my knowledge..”

He stares so deep but now it’s not even directed towards me. It’s directed to somewhere else.

I am three steps far away from him. He didn’t move an inch, still stuck in his unfaltering position.

“Oh damn, Lej…” he cussed afterwards.

I am positioned on his left but his eyes are set in the middle. And then I realized something..

I raised my hand slowly and waved in front of his face. Tried to make him blink by doing unnecessary hand gestures on his line of sight. But his eyes never moved.

Nasapo ko ang bibig. Hindi makapaniwala.

What the fuck.

“Y-You’re sightless?”

My question made him blink his eyes a couple of times. His jaw looking tensed as I stay silent beside him.

He gazed on his left side as to where he heard of my voice.

Ang kamay kong nasa ere pa rin ay agad niyang nakuha. He gripped my arm with bearable tightness.

Now, I realized it all. Goddamn it! That’s why I felt something strange with the way he stares. Tumatagos ang kanyang paningin. And that is because he’s blind!

Binitiwan niya ang aking braso.

He sighed right after. He looked pained or something like that. He looks down and massage his temples.

“I-I’m sorry..” bigkas ko.

It’s never my intention to judge him or what just because he can’t see. Sensitibo akong tao at alam ko kung gaano kahirap ang maaaring pinagdadaanan niya.

“Your room’s upstairs.. I’m tired, can you close the doors for me?” Aniya na mukhang nakabangon na sa malalim na iniisip.

Ano raw? Kwarto ko? May sarili akong kwarto sa mansyong ito?

Matagal ko iyong prinoseso sa utak ko bago ko nakuha.

“Si-Sige!”

Damn. Bakit lagi nalang akong nauutal?

Gumalaw siya at saka tumalikod. Susundan ko sana siya upang alalayan ngunit nang makitang walang pag-aalinlangan sa kanyang paglakad ay hinayaan ko na. I watched him earnestly.

Tinahak niya ang mataas na grand staircase, his hands holding the handrail for support but it seems like he’s already used to it. He just walks normally and casually. Na parang alam na niya kung saan siya tutungo.

And he’s living alone here with that condition? How does he cope with that? Hindi ko siguro kakayanin kung ako ang nasa posisyon niya.

Like what he ordered me to do, I closed the doors and windows. Busog pa ako sa kinain kanina kung kaya’t hindi na ako kumain. I decided to turn off the lights at the kitchen beside the grand staircase, pero bigla kong naalala na may kasama akong bulag. Iniwan kong bukas ang ilaw doon.

Although it’s pointless to leave it on, I kept it that way.

Of all the things he cannot be blessed with, and that is his vision. Nakuha na niya ang perpektong mukha at makisig na katawan, bakit kailangan niya pang maging bulag? Siguro nga hindi lahat ibinibigay sa atin.

Sumunod ako sa itaas. There are two doors at the right wing and one on the left. Pinili ko iyong nasa kaliwa.

Bitbit at hila ang aking bag at maleta, binuksan ko ang pintuan ng kwarto at saka binuksan ang ilaw. This is obviously a guest room. Malinis at kumpleto naman sa amenities. There is a single comfy bed at the middle and a double casement window na natatakpan ng puting kurtina.

Pagkabagsak ko ng kama ay doon ko lahat naramdaman ang pagod sa buong araw. Madali akong nahila ng antok at wala na akong alaala sa mga sumunod na sandali.

I woke up feeling light and good. Iyong pakiramdam na kumpleto ang tulog mo? Hindi ko mapigilang hindi manibago sa mga nakikita at nasisilayan ng aking paningin. Bumalik ang mga alaala ng kaganapan kahapon.

This is the greatest blessing that I have ever received. Or maybe I call it the greatest just because this is the first time I was given a blessing? Hindi ko akalaing may tutuluyan ako at sa ganito pang magarang bahay.

And then I remembered introducing myself as a gardener. When did I look like someone tilling and digging soil? Watering plants? Not even on my wish list.

Pero ano ang magagawa ko? I made it already so I need to go with the fucking flow. This is once in a lifetime opportunity that I must not waste. To live in this mansion and with a devilishly hot man. Devilishly hot blinded man.

Habang nagbibihis ako ay sumilip ako sa bintana. Hinawi ko ang hinahanging kurtina. So the view outside this window is the garden.

Napanganga ako nang makita ang isang lalaking naka-puting tee-shirt at grey shorts na nagkakape sa isang pergola. He’s just silently sitting there alone while sipping on his cup of coffee with the sight of the serene water on the swimming pool. Although he may not see it.

Bumaba ako at saka dumiretso sa kusina. Now, what should I do? Should I cook him breakfast? Sinampal ko ang sarili. Nagpakilala nga pala akong hardinero at hindi katulong. Ang tanga mo, Riley!

Kumalam ang aking tiyan. Napansin kong wala pang nakalutong pagkain kung kaya’t dali kong binuksan ang ref. Feel at home lang, Riley talaga ba?

I fried some eggs and hotdogs. I suddenly think of how could he cook his food everytime he’s alone here? Mag-isa ba talaga siyang nakatira rito? Baka umalis lang ang kanyang pamilya? But then, why did they leave a blind man alone right? That makes no sense.

But actually that makes sense. Ako nga ay pinalayas sa aming pamamahay kahit na alam nilang wala akong tutuluyan at kahit na tunay na anak nila ako. The world is so round and too messed up that I don’t even want to talk about it anymore. Nasisira lamang ang araw ko.

“What are you doing?”

“Shit!” Nabitawan ko ang takip ng kaldero nang magulat ako sa boses.

Lumikha ng ingay ang takip at madali kong ibinalik iyon sa kaldero. Trip ba nitong manggulat? Bakit kailangan niyang sumulpot?

At teka, this is his property kaya anong karapatan kong sumbatan siya?

“Are you okay? Anong ginagawa mo?” Lumapit pa siya ng kaunti sa akin.

Umatras ako ng kaunti dahil baka hindi niya napapansing sobrang lapit niya sa akin. Naninikip ang aking dibdib.

Tumingala ako sa kanya. He’s tall, dark and massive. The air I’m breathing is affected by his expansive atmosphere, dahilan para kapusin ako ng hininga.

“N-Nagluluto.”

He sniffed something. It’s awesome to know how I can stare at his face without him knowing. And the massivity of his body is so disturbing. Sige tamang tsansing pa, Riley!

“You’re cooking what?” his voice is stern and steady.

“U-Uhmm.. Eggs tsaka hotdogs. Kumakain ka ba nito?” Binalikan ko ang nilulutong kanin, upang makaiwas lamang sa pagtitig sa kanya.

He towers over me. Medyo sumagi ang kanyang braso sa aking tagiliran kung kaya’t umatras siya ng kaunti. “Sorry..”

“That shouldn’t be inside the fridge if I don’t eat it.”

Pinaikutan ko siya ng mata. Hindi rin naman niya makikita. He’s so calm, unfriendly, formal, sarcastic, and very attractive. I can think of a thousand words just to describe this man.

“And what are you doing in my kitchen when you’re supposed to be in the garden?”

Do I need the permission to enter his kitchen? I think so, but can’t he see that this is just an act of kindness? Oh, I said it, he can’t see, that’s why he cannot see the kindness. I’m also getting sarcastic with my thoughts.

“Sorry. Nagutom na kasi ako. Dapat ba ikaw ang magluluto para sa akin?” inosente kong tanong.

Pinamulahan ako ng mukha nang mapagtanto ko kung ano ang sinabi. Fuck. You. Riley. Parang sinabi ko na ring dapat ipagluto niya ako. Nabalot ako ng kahihiyan.

“Scratch that. I didn’t mean it. Teka, luto na pala ang kanin.”

Binaling ko sa paghain ang aking atensyon. Minsan akong sumusulyap sa kanya na marahang nakanguso at parang may misteryong naiisip.

I can’t read what’s on his mind. Madalas madaling mabasa ang mga tao base sa emosyon sa kanilang mata. Pero ang isang ’to, ni isang emosyon wala akong makita o maaninag sa mata niya. It’s just blank. But it’s attractively blank.

Ano raw?

“Hindi ka ba kakain? O kumain ka na?” Nakaupo na ako sa isa sa mga dining chairs ngunit siya’y nanatiling nakatayo roon.

“I’m used to eating alone.”

Akala ko ako na ang may pinakamiserableng buhay. Mas grabe pa pala ang kanya. It’s hard to live on your own, do things by yourself, lalo na’t hindi siya nakakakita.

“Hindi mo naman kailangang mag-isa kung nandito naman na ako..” I don’t know why I said that.

Ang kapal na siguro ng pagmumukha ko para siya pa ang mag-adjust sa akin.

“I mean, can I have the permission to eat with you?” I tried to rephrase it in a nicer and safer way. “If not, then I ca—”

“It’s okay.” Nagulat ako sa sinabi niya at saka niya hinila ang nahawakang upuan upang okupahin iyon.

Now, he’s sitting in front of me. And I just realized how awkward it is.

Tumayo ako upang salinan ng pagkain ang kanyang plato. He’s just waiting, habang nagsasalin ako ng tubig at nakatitig ako sa kanya.

“Oh shit! Pasensya na!” Hindi ko napansing umaapaw na pala ang tubig sa baso niya.

Hindi naman siya mukhang nagalit or what. Kumuha ako ng tissue at saka pinunasan ang nabasang damit niya.

“You have the sight, so please be careful..” He mentioned though. I was in awe when he said that. I felt guilty because of my carelessness.

Kasalanan ko ba kung hindi ko maiwasang titigan siya?

Imbes na dapat at magkatapat kami sa pagkain, tumabi ako sa kanya habang pinanonood siyang kumuha at sumubo ng pagkain.

I think he can eat on his own. Ang kailangan lang ay dapat nakahanda na sa kanyang harapan ang mga pagkain.

“You’re not eating. Stop staring at me.”

W-What?? How can he.. Saka ko napansing hindi ko pa pala nagagalaw ang akin plato at ang sariling pagkain sa kakapanood sa kanya.

“H-Hindi ako nakatitig sa’yo..” Pagkakaila ko. I know, it’s so easy to fool someone like him.

“I may not be able to see, but I can feel it..” Aniya at saka ko naaninag ang multo ng ngiti sa kanyang mapupulang labi.

Parang lumuwag ang garter ng underwear ko all of a sudden. I’m used to facing guys, I even had relationships with some, but this man is just way too far. I mean he’s like from another planet. I’m not used to meet this kind of man. Most guys I knew are all assholes and jackass.

Natapos kami sa pagkain ng almusal. Naghuhugas ako ng mga pinggan at kubyertos ngunit napansin kong hindi siya gumalaw sa kinauupuan.

“Are you living alone here?” I started to gather information.

Even though he’s ultra attractive, I still want to assure myself that he’s harmless. Without any vision, he can still hurt me with those arms and body structure.

“Yeah..”

Ang tipid sumagot.

“Nasaan ang pamilya mo? At bakit mag-isa ka lang rito lalo na’t… mahirap sa kondisyon mo..” nakaramdam ako ng awa.

I don’t have much information about him. I don’t have any idea about his story. But it’s inevitable to feel the pain in him. He’s just containing all of it inside.

“They’re in the States. I have my brother, Legend. But I insist to live alone.”

Hindi naman pala siya ulila, it’s still a good thing. Pero bakit? Bakit mas pinili niyang mabuhay mag-isa?

“Ano nga palang pangalan mo?”

Pinunasan ko ang mga nahugasang pinggan. His sight shifted on my location. But not particularly on my face.

The growing beard below his face made him look hotter.

“Leviticus. You can call me Levi.”

Pagkatapos kong maglinis sa kusina ay dumiretso na ako sa garden kung saan ako nararapat.

Kinuha ko ang pool cleaner net upang alisin ang ilang dahon na lumutang sa pool. When I saw Leviticus entered the garden and went back to the pergola, I noticed an object on his hand.

Nanatili akong tahimik na naglinis. I know he knows I’m here. But he did not try to talk to me. He seems busy with something. Umikot ako sa kabilang side ng pool upang mas mapalapit sa kinaroonan niya.

“I’m good. Same routine. But I think something will change..” I saw him talking on the phone.

How could he even dial the number?

“The one you hired.. pretty good.. bit nosy but I can tolerate it..” mas lumapit pa ako upang mapakinggan ang pinag-uusapan.

Pero dahil sa ingay ng mga nagsasayawang dahon at huni ng mga ibon, hindi ko masyadong marinig ang kanyang sinasabi sa kabilang linya.

“Yeah.. the gardener..” at doon ko na narinig ang mga salita.

He’s talking to someone and he’s obviously referring to me. Oh shit! Sinong kausap niya?

Baka mabisto ako nang wala sa oras!

“C’mon, it’s not like I did not expect it..”

Natapos ako sa paglilinis ng pool. Sumunod kong kinuha ang hose at diniligan ang ilang halamang nasa paso. Nagpapanggap lang akong abala sa ginagawa ngunit ang puso ko’y para ng tambol.

“I’ll keep him for now..”

Binaba niya ang phone at saka lumingon sa aking gawi. As if he can see the view. Nakakunot ang noo niya.

“Riley!” tawag niya.

Sa gulat ko ay nawisikan ako ng tubig. Agad kong pinatay ang gripo at pinunasan ang tubig sa aking balat habang lumalapit kay Leviticus.

“B-Bakit po, Sir Leviticus?” magalang kong tanong.

Nalaman na kaya niyang isa akong pekeng hardinero?

Nag-ensayo na rin ako kanina pa habang wala siya kung paano ko dapat siya tawagin. He’s the owner of this land I’m stepping on, that’s why he needs to be called ‘sir’.

He paused for a while.

“Ikuha mo ako ng gatas.”

Umiling-iling ako nang isang minuto na pala akong nakatunganga sa kanya.

“Riley? Did you hear what I said?”

“O-Opo! Milk’s coming right up!”

Tumango ako at saka iniwan ang ginagawa sa garden. Bumalik ako sa loob ng bahay upang sundin ang utos. I think I saw last glance of him before I entered the kitchen, and he’s controlling a grin on his face.

Kinuha ko ang fresh milk sa fridge at nagsalin sa isang matangkad na baso. I still wonder how could he do all of this alone. Cooking, eating, dialing a phone number from a phone? Speed dial? How about cleaning the house? Are there invisible housemaids here with us?

Hindi ako nagtagal at bumalik na kay Leviticus na ngayo’y nakasuot ng isang rayban shades, at saka nakasuot na ng headphones.

“Gatas po.”

I placed the glass of milk with the saucer on top of the wooden table. He seems busy listening to the music.

“Gatas mo po, Sir Leviticus.” Marahan kong inalis ang isang side ng headphones at ibinulong sa kanyang tainga iyon.

Nag-angat siya ng ulo. Napaawang ang labi niya dahil sa ginawa ko. I almost hiccuped when my face is just an inch closer to his.

“You could’ve just told me..” aniya habang nakanguso pagkatapos hubarin ang suot na shades.

I watched him grab the glass and sip on it. I forgot to bring tissue, teka saan ba ako kukuha noon?

“You can get some milk too, kung gusto mo.” aniya na medyo hindi ko naintindihan.

“Gatas nino?”

He coughed as soon as I voiced that out. Ohh sht!

“I-I mean, of course y-your milk right? Ang ibig kong sabihin, damn..” I’m almost out of words to say. Pulang-pula na siguro ang mukha ko ngayon. Mabuti na lamang at walang paraan para makita niya iyon. “Pero hindi talaga ako mahilig sa gatas..”

Sinabi ko na lamang para tapos ang usapan.

Mukhang naka-recover naman siya. Kung hindi ako nagkakamali, napansin kong saglit siyang napangiti dahil sa pagkautal ko. O baka nama’y namamalikmata lang ako?

“No pressure. Kung gusto mo lang naman.”

Nakahinga ako ng maluwag. Wala naman palang pressure mga kaibigan. Gusto ko pa naman ang mga ganitong lalaki, iyong hindi namimilit? They are willing to give you choices, options, and your freedom.

“Okay!”

Bumalik ako sa aking ginagawa. Buong magdamag ay para lamang akong timang na pangiti-ngiti kapag maaalala ang kapalpakan ko kanina sa harap niya. Wala pa namang filter ang bunganga ko, kung kaya’t ang una kong maisip ay naisasabigkas ko kaagad.

Bumalik ang isipan ko kay Leviticus. I’m just being amazed of how he can cope with all of it. Hindi ko pa man alam ang buong istorya ng buhay niya, pero nararamdaman kong masaklap iyon. With the sadness that I can feel just seeing him alone and aloof, it breaks my heart.

Malapit ng sakupin ng dilim ang kalangitan. Naupo ako sa isang wooden chair sa pergola upang magpahinga. Marami akong natapos ngayong araw na ito. Nilinis ko ang buong pool at ang mga natuyot na halaman ay inalis ko sa mga paso. Pinalitan ko iyon ng mga bagong binhi. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko ito natutunan pero siguro’y dahil madali ito kaya nagawa ko.

It takes me a lot of time to learn things, that’s why I can’t believe I’ve done all of this. Maybe I’m destined to be a gardener?

“Riley..” I heard a baritone voice.

Luminga ako sa paligid at nasulyapan ko siya sa tapat ng glass doors.

“Narito pa ako!” Agad akong tumayo at pinunasan ang kamay na mayroon pa ring bakas ng mga lupa.

“It’s getting late, pumasok ka na rito.”

Sumunod ako gaya ng sabi niya. Palihim kong inamoy ang sarili dahil baka amoy pawis na ako sa maghapong trabaho.

“Ipagluluto kita ng hapunan, magshower lang ako sa taas.” paalam ko sa kanya at balak na sanang umakyat sa hagdan.

Napigilan ako nang magsalita siya.

“You don’t need to. I will cook.”

Natigilan ako sa kanyang sinabi. Lumabas na naman ang unang salitang pumasok sa utak ko.

“How?”

Natigilan rin siya sa katanungan ko. Did I offend him? Maybe not. Hindi naman iyon ang intensyon ko.

“I can still cook. I’m just blind, not paralyzed.”

Chapter 3 [Godlike]

Sinuklay kong maigi ang aking buhok na mamasa-masa pa dahil sa pagligo.

I can’t explain why I stayed in the shower for almost half an hour. Siguro ay nag-enjoy ako sa mukhang mamahaling mga bubble bath products at pang-body scrub roon. The fragrance of it permeated the whole space of my room.

Nang makuntento, bumaba ako sa dining area kung saan naabutan ko ang nakaupong si Sir Leviticus doon. Still, quiet and at peace. Hindi pa nagagalaw ang mga pagkaing nakahain doon.

“Hinintay mo pala ako?”

Marahan siyang gumalaw nang marinig ang boses ko. Binasa niya ang ibabang labi gamit ang dila.

“Y-Yeah.. Should we eat?”

Damn. How could this man makes me feel ecstatic? Obviously, he’s on a different level of society or class, and I can’t just dive in to his world. I’m just a mere commoner.

“Sige. Ikaw ang nagluto ng lahat ng ito?” tanong ko habang hinihila ang isang upuan sa tapat niya.

Mukhang masasarap ang mga iyon. Hindi ko alam ang pangalan ng ibang luto dahil parang sa restaurant ko lamang nakikita ang mga iyon.

“Yeah.”

Ang tipid talaga nitong sumagot. Bitin na bitin ako lagi. Pinakatitigan ko siya, hindi ko maiwasang pagmasdan ang bawat parte ng kanyang mukha.

Nagsimula kaming kumain. Tahimik lamang kaming dalawa, tanging kalansing ng mga kubyertos ang maririnig. Masarap ang kanyang luto, in all fairness.

“Did you like it?”

Sandali siyang tumigil at saka uminom sa kanyang baso. Doon ko napanood ang pagtaas-baba ng kanyang adam’s apple.

“Oo naman, ang sarap mo pala magluto.” ngumiti ako kahit na malabong makita niya iyon.

I don’t know why I always feel amazed whenever I am talking to him. Kung pagmamasdan mo kasi ng mabuti, animo’y diyos na bumaba sa lupa at nakikihalubilo sa mga mortal.

There is a huge gap between him and I.

“This is the first time I cooked for someone..” aniya sa mahinang boses.

Nag-angat ako ng tingin. What? Ako ang unang taong ipinagluto niya?

“Talaga? I should be honored then..” ngumiti akong muli.

Hindi nagbago ang emosyon sa kanyang mukha kahit na nakatitig siya sa direksyon ko. Ngunit ibang klase ang lalim at tensyon na dala ng kanyang mga mata.

Nang matapos kami sa pagkain ay nag-prisinta akong ako na ang maghugas ng mga pinggan. Hindi ko siya napigilang tumulong sa pagliligpit ng pinagkainan.

“Ako na po, Sir.”

Inagaw ko sa kanya ang plato’t mga kubyertos. Dumampi ang kanyang mga daliri sa aking kamay, isang segundo akong natigilan.

“Can you not call me Sir? I don’t like to be called Sir.” kumento niya. Muling gumalaw ang kanyang adam’s apple.

E ano pala ang gusto niyang itawag ko sa kanya?

Inilipat ko ang mga pinggan sa sink at saka naghugas ng kamay. Umiling ako sa kawalan. I think I’m feeling something that shouldn’t be. At bago pa man lumago ito, kailangan ko na itong ihinto.

Sinimulan ko ang paghuhugas sa mga pinggan nang makaramdam ng kiliti sa aking batok. May init iyong dala.

“Sht!”

Nabitawan ko ang isang kutsarang hawak nang paglingon ko sa likuran ay si Sir Leviticus ang naroon. Ang kanyang mukha ay isang hibla nalang yata ang pagitan sa akin. Sobrang lapit niya sa hindi ko maintindihang dahilan.

“Oh sorry, nagulat ba kita?”

Kinabig ko ang dibdib ko. Napaka-magugulatin ko talaga. Ang lakas ng pintig ng puso ko. Hindi lang dahil sa gulat kundi dahil sa presensya niyang hindi ko kinakaya.

He stood tall like a masculine statue but giving off an intense atmosphere.

“B-Bakit ka ba nariyan, Sir?”

Inangat niya ang kanang kamay at pinakita ang basong hawak niya. Lumipat ang tingin ko doon. I sighed, feeling disappointed. Disappointed about what, Riley?

“Akin na, isasama ko na dito sa mga hugasin..” kinuha ko sa kanyang kamay iyon.

Bumalik ako sa paghuhugas ngunit nanatili siya sa aking likuran. Naging limitado ang mga kilos ko dahil sa nakakailang na presensya. Pakiramdam ko’y isang malaking galaw ko lang ay masasagi ko siya.

“I love your scent..” aniya at saka ko narinig ang kanyang hininga.

Natulala ako at napahinto sa ginagawa. Napakurap-kurap. I heard his footsteps walking away. Imbes na gumaan ang aking pakiramdam, mas lalong sumikip ang dibdib ko.

No! This is not good! Riley! Huwag kang mag-ilusyon! Malabong magkagusto ang lalaking ’yan sa katulad mo! He just loved your scent, that doesn’t mean something else!

Ipinagpatuloy ko ang ginagawa. Pagkatapos ko roon ay binalikan ko ang dining table upang linising muli. Habang abala doon ay nabaling ang tingin ko sa upuang inokupa ni Sir Leviticus kanina. I sighed multiple times, trying to wash away the unnecessary thoughts on my mind.

Muli akong napatingin sa kanyang inupuan, may itim na bagay akong napansin doon. Paglapit ko ay natagpuan ko ang isang cellphone, sa kanya siguro ito. Dali kong kinuha iyon nang marinig ko itong mag-ring.

Legend calling…

Iyon ang nabasa ko sa screen. The name is familiar, hindi ba’t ito ang pangalan ng kanyang kapatid? Balak ko na sanang umakyat sa hagdan upang hanapin siya nang mapansin ko ang bulto ng isang tao sa sala.

“Sir, cellphone niyo po at may tumatawag.” mabilis kong sinakop ang distansya namin.

Hindi nakatakas sa aking paningin ang kapit na tshirt na yumayakap sa kanyang makisig na pangangatawan. I looked away and ignored it.

Imbes na kamay ko ay braso ko ang nahawakan niya. Suddenly, nakaramdam ako ng nakakakiliting kuryente na hindi ko malaman kung saan nanggaling.

Then the moment got awkward, while he holds my arm.

“Salamat.” aniya nang ipatong ko sa kanyang palad ang cellphone.

He swiped it and answered the call. Lumayo ako nang marinig ko ang baritonong boses niya.

Tinitigan ko ang medyo mapulang marka sa aking maputing braso dahil sa bakas ng kanyang pagkakahawak. Kaunting haplos lamang ay mabilis pumula ang aking balat. Hinimas ko ito upang mawala ang pula. Ngunit hindi ito nawala, naroon pa rin ang marka. I can’t remember the way or how tight he held me. Binalewala ko iyon at saka umakyat sa aking kwarto.

I rested my head on the pillow while my hands below it. I stared at the ceiling letting my thoughts wander. Iniisip ko ang mga bagay na susunod kong gagawin.

I’m all alone now. No, scratch that. I’m all alone at the very beginning. My family kicked me out of their lives and now I feel like a stray dog. I shouldn’t dwell about how painful it was but I should just move forward.

Ilang oras akong nakatulog. Nagising ako sa ganoon pa ring posisyon sa kama. The wall clock says it’s still 1am midnight.

Bumangon ako at nakaramdam ng uhaw. I walked out of the room trying to lessen the noise, pababa na sana ako ng hagdan nang maaninag ko ang liwanag na nagmumula sa isang kwarto.

Hinakbang ko ang distansya patungo doon. Nasilaw ako sa liwanag na tumatakas sa nakaawang na pintuan. I did not mind opening the door and see where it will take me.

Inside the spacious room, I saw mirrors and some equipment for.. for building muscles. Technically, this looks like a gym setting. Then, my jaw dropped when I found Leviticus  pulling himself upwards on a metal bar totally topless.

Natigagal ako at parang na-semento ang mga paa ko sa kinatatayuan ko. I watched how every bead of sweat ran down on his face down to his brawny torso. Napalunok ako ng isang baldeng laway.

Sa bawat hila niya ng kanyang sarili paitaas ay napapanganga ako sa biyak ng kanyang braso at tiyan. I am never ignorant about masculine guys but hey this is not a guy, this is a man. A robust man without sight but will make you stare at him endlessly.

Crazy or not, I watched him for almost an hour. Nakaupo lang ako sa isang gilid, tahimik at hangga’t maaari ay hindi lumilikha ng ingay. Hindi naman siguro bawal o masama itong ginagawa ko ’di ba?

Nang matapos siya doon sa metal bars ay lumipat naman siya sa treadmill. I don’t even know at all how he could manage to execute all of these things without his vision. I’m just.. just amazed.. He’s awesome.

Nagsimula siyang mag-jog doon sa treadmill, nagsimula sa mabagal ay unti-unting bumibilis. Ang uhaw ko ay naglaho na parang bula. Just watching him here already quenched my thirst. Sinabunutan ko ang sarili dahil hindi ko naman madalas itong gawin noon. With all the boys I knew and had relationships with, they are all assholes.

I’m not sure if this man could get any different from them.

Nakaupo ako sa isang mababang metal bar nang saglit akong mawalan ng balanse dahilan upang mahulog ako sa sahig.

“Shi…” agad kong tinakpan ang bibig ko kahit na gustong gusto kong humiyaw sa kirot.

Tinimpi ko ang sakit. Namataan ko siyang tumigil sa ginagawa at saka pinakiramdaman ang paligid.

“Riley?”

He called. His vision is directed towards somewhere else. Hindi ako gumalaw sa aking posisyon kahit na nakasalampak na ako sa sahig.

His hands rested on his waist. The sweat around his face magically flowed down his bare chest.

Marahan niyang iniling ang kanyang ulo, ang mas nakapagtataka ay ang bahid ng ngiti sa kanyang labi. The way he smiles is just a pain in the ass.

“Riley, I know you’re here..”

Lumapit siya sa isang table at kinapa ang kanyang towel at inumin.

How did he know? Hindi kaya nagpapanggap lang na bulag ito?

Tumayo ako at pilit na binuhat ang sarili, then composed myself before I speak.

“Paano mo nalaman?” ako itong mas nahihiya kahit na hindi naman niya nakita ang katangahan ko kanina.

Baka kung anong isipin niya at sinisilipan ko siya o baka mas malala pa doon. Cross fingers, Riley!

Nakatalikod siya sa aking gawi kung kaya’t nagkaroon ako ng mas malinaw na view sa kanyang likod. I saw something below his back, like a dark ink or tattoo.

“I can smell your scent..” aniya at saka humarap sa akin.

He leaned beside the sturdy table, with his arms crossed and eyes ruthless. Sumikip ang aking dibdib. He traced me by scent?

“Scent? Ano bang amoy ko? Naligo naman ako..” sinubukan ko pang amuyin ang sarili.

I don’t smell sweaty or whatever, how can he distinguish it anyway when I am distant around him?

He giggled sexily, what the hell Leviticus stop it or else!

“You have a distinct scent, don’t worry it’s not that bad.” aniya habang pinaglalaruan ang panga gamit ang isang kamay.

All his mannerisms and gestures trigger my attention. Kahit ultimo paglapat at paghihiwalay ng kanyang mga daliri ay napapansin ko, which is very weird and unusual.

“Okay. Nakabukas ang pinto kaya nakapasok ako. Pasensya na kung naabala kita.” itinago ko ang aking dalawang kamay sa aking likuran.

Ang daliring nasa panga niya kanina ay nasa ibabang labi na niya ngayon. Ang tanging malambot na parte sa kanyang katawan. Ano kaya ang pakiramdam na mahawakan at maramdaman ito?

Back to earth, Riley. Masyado kang nadadala sa makamundong pag-iisip!

“It’s fine, I thought you’re asleep. Bakit gising ka pa ng ganitong oras?”

I kept my eyes focused on his face but his robust body is just distracting. I exhaled the air I’m breathing, how could a man like him exists? He’s so fictional, I can’t believe he’s mortal. His face and body is illegally gorgeous what the hell!

“Nakaramdam lang ng uhaw, pero ayos na ako. Hindi na ako uhaw.” I said that while my eyes lingered on his naked body.

“You want water?” inalok niya ang bote ng tubig na ininuman niya.

It’s a huge opportunity for us to have an indirect kiss but I still want to take it slowly. This is not how I was raised. I should act normal, I’m very dismissive around boys at my school so I think I should keep that behavior.

“Salamat pero ayos na ako. Hindi na kailangan sir..”

When I called him ‘sir’, I noticed his eyebrows settled in a knot.

“Riley,” he called with a more authoritative tone.

“Hmm??” nagsisi ako nang iyon lang ang lumabas sa bibig ko.

“Call me by my name, that’s an order.”

I inhaled harder than I usually do. His eyes focused on mine, how could he do that? Paano niyang nahanap ang mga mata ko?

“I think I should call you with respect.” sabat ko.

Nawala ang pagkaka-ekis ng kanyang mga braso at saka tumayo ng tuwid. May kung anong bumabakat sa kanyang shorts na nakakabagabag ng ulirat.

“Respect is following my orders. So you should call me by first name.”

I sighed. He’s so authoritative, whatever he’s the owner of this house and I named myself as the gardener so it doesn’t hurt to obey his rules.

“Okay fine, Leviticus.”

His lips turned into a silly pout. Damn, this man is seriously godlike. Like those characters from greek mythology, like a knight in shining armor, like a king in arthurian legend, like a viking in norse myths, or a gladiator from the romans.

He can perfectly portray any role.

“Good.”

I feel like a dog obeying at his words. But anyways, wala namang mawawala kung gagawin ko ang gusto niya.

Chapter 4 [Trespasser]

The robust Leviticus is too early in the morning, kinapa ko ang alarm clock at inaninag ang oras doon. It’s still five in the morning and now all I see when I parted the curtains on my window is this godlike man, stretching and flexing his muscles.

Kukurap-kurap akong bumaba sa sala. I went straight to the coffee maker and poured myself a cup. Dinalawa ko na upang alukin si Leviticus. I told myself to get used to calling him by his first name.

Ang aroma ng kape ay nanuot sa aking ilong. I am a fan of coffee, whether brewed or with cream, I’m so in love with it.

Inuna kong iserve ang sa kanya. Placed it on top of a small saucer and walked my way towards the garden. Tiningala ko ang kalangitan at nagsisimula pa lamang sumibol ang liwanag, may parte pa ring kinakain ng dilim.

“Coffee?” kinuha ko ang kanyang atensyon. Naglakad ako patungo sa pergola malapit sa kinaroroonan niya.

Leviticus is wearing a black loose shirt that is sleeveless, imposing the muscles on his arm. I tried so hard to dismiss the view but he kept on flexing it. Bahagyang basa siya ng pawis kung kaya’t inabala ko ang sariling abutin ang towel nang tumigil siya.

“You’re so early..” puna niya nang maramdaman ang malambot na tela ng inabot kong tuwalya.

“The early bird catches the worm..” mariing bigkas ko bilang pagbibiro ngunit hindi man lang siya natawa roon sa sinabi ko.

Bagkus, mas tumindi ang ekspresyon sa kanyang mukha. Naapuhap ko ang bakas ng asul na kulay sa kanyang mga mata, o baka guni-guni ko lang ’yon.

“What?”

I saw how his adam’s apple moved. Heto na naman ako, pinapansin ang bawat bahagi ng katawan niya. I should refrain from doing that and act accordingly or else, baka palayasin niya ako.

“I’m just kidding.. Maaga kasi ako ngayon, I have classes starting seven.” I remembered the three-day suspension and how it already ended.

Gustuhin ko mang lisanin at hindi na bumalik sa paaralang iyon, alam ko sa sariling kailangan ko pa ring pumasok. Hindi man ako makatapos ng may matataas na marka, magkaroon lamang ako ng degree ay ayos na sa akin iyon. Magagamit ko rin ito kapag naghanap ako ng pormal na trabaho, hindi katulad ng pagpapanggap ko bilang hardinero. I need to get a real job once I graduate.

“You’re still going to school? How old are you?” waring may accent akong narinig sa kanyang pananalita, noon ko pa man ito napapansin at ngayon ko lang binigyan ng importansya.

“I’m 25. Graduating na ako.”

Tumango-tango siya bilang pagsang-ayon sa nalaman tungkol sa akin. Hindi tumakas sa paningin ko ang pawis na tumutulo pa rin mula sa hibla ng kanyang buhok.

I’m so overage as a graduating student but I don’t care, as long as I finish it then I’m good.

“Five years gap..” he looks like he’s thinking deeply about something. Hindi ko maintindihan..

“Baka lumamig iyong kape mo, dito ko nilagay sa table.” sabay turo ko sa circular table sa lilim ng pergola. Natanto kong hindi nga pala siya nakakakita kaya bakit ko pa naisipang ituro iyon?

“I don’t drink coffee..” aniya na nakapagpatigil sa akin.

It just doesn’t make any sense.

“You have a coffeemaker and you don’t drink coffee? Hindi ko gets..”

Sa lahat siguro ng hardinero, ako na ang marunong mamilosopo ng kanyang amo. Kumunot ang kanyang noo subalit may bakas ng ngiti sa kanyang labi. Just not a full smile, tho.

“Legend uses it. He’s into coffee, but I like teas.” ako naman ang tumango-tango nang sa wakas ay malinawan doon.

Legend is his brother and I haven’t met him yet. Should I hide once he plans to visit? Malamang ay mabubuko ako at hindi tunay na hardinero ang aking katauhan. Levicitus will think ill of me.

“Sige, kung ganoon ikukuha kita ng tsaa. Maiwan muna kita saglit, papalitan ko lang ito.” muli kong kinuha ang tasa ng kape at saka bumalik sa loob ng kusina.

I sighed. Medyo lumamig na ang aking kape pagkabalik ko dahil sa tumagal na pakikipag-usap sa kanya.

Leviticus isn’t ruthless at all. He just seemed like one but in reality he’s way far from that. There is gentle and kindness from him that I sense, I only judged him because of his appearance and with the robust body he has. Yes he’s aloof but it doesn’t mean he’s rude.

Kumuha ako ng tsaa at saka ibinabad ito sa mainit na tubig. It only took me two minutes doing his tea and went back to him in the garden to serve it to him.

“Here’s your cup of tea..” maingat kong ibinaba ang panibagong tasa sa ibabaw ng mesa.

Ngayon ay inikutan niya ako at saka niya inokupa ang nakapang upuan. I don’t really know how he can step without budging me, or like what he said he can trace me by scent? How could that be possible?

“Thank you, Riley. You can eat your breakfast before heading off..” paalala niya.

Balak ko pa sana siyang panoorin sa paghigop ng kanyang tsaa ngunit dahil sa sinabi niya ay naalala kong kailangan ko na ring magprepara sa pagpasok.

“Okay.”

Iniwan ko siya roon. Umakyat ako sa aking kwarto at saka naligo at nagbihis. Inaayos ko ang aking damit sa harap ng salamin, ang buhok ko’y makapal at medyo humahaba na. I’ll remind myself to get a new haircut one of these days.

Bumaba ako sa sala. Iniwan ko muna ang aking bag sa ibabaw ng sofa sa living room at saka nagtungo sa kusina upang mag-almusal. I feel like we’re living together when in fact, I should be grounded not to enter the kitchen premises or the living room. As the garderner, I am expected to be around the garden only as necessary.

I serve myself a plate of rice and eggs. May hotdogs rin na kinuha ko sa fridge at niluto. Dinagdagan ko na para na rin sa almusal ni Leviticus. And speaking of him, he’s walking from the garden and went inside the kitchen. He’s still wearing the black shirt that gave definition to his biceps.

What are you thinking, Riley? Wake up! It’s so early to think about naughty things.

“Papasok ka na sa school?” tanong niya.

He walks in confidently like he can see everything around him. Siguro nga’y kabisado na niya ang lahat hangga’t walang magbabago sa ayos ng mga bagay sa loob nitong bahay. He occupied a seat beside me and joined my breakfast.

“Ako na..” aktong hahanapin niya kung nasaan ang pagkain. Pinigilan ko siya upang hindi na mahirapan.

Sinalinan ko siya ng kanin at saka ulam. Sa huli ay ibinigay ko ang mga kubyertos sa kanya dahil alam kong mula roon ay kaya na niya ang sarili. We started eating. It felt awkward once again. I think that there should be a flow of conversation between us to kill the silence but I was reminded that I am just a gardener and nothing more.

“What course are you taking?”

I felt relief as he’s the one who initiated the talking. Siguro’y hindi rin siya palagay sa katahimikan kaya hindi nakatiis.

“I’m taking finance.” sagot ko.

The expression in his face didn’t change. “That’s a good background for someone planning to do business in the future.” komento niya.

I did not really think of that at all. I just want to graduate and get a degree. I never really cared about what field I should take, as long as I can finish it, then it’s fine.

“Hindi pa sumagi sa isip ko ang bagay na ’yan.”

I continued from eating. Nauhaw ako kung kaya’t nagsalin ng tubig sa aking baso, dinamay ko na rin ang sa kanya. “Kung nauuhaw ka, andito ang baso sa kabilang gilid mo..” paalala ko sa kanya.

I tend to get distracted because of his wet shirt. Kahit bagong-ligo ako’y nakaramdam ako ng ibayong init.

“Malapit ka nang magtapos, like what you said, kaya dapat may plano ka na kung anong balak mo in the future.” well he’s like a father telling some important advice to his kid.

Well, he seems like a father to me. Anyone can picture him as a daddy. Ngunit ang tanong, may anak at asawa na kaya ito?

“I’ll think about that. For now, focus muna ako kung paano makakatapos.”

He licked his lips then find the direction of the glass of water. Nang mahirapan siyang kapain iyon ay hinawakan ko ang kamay niya at saka ipinatong ito sa bunganga ng baso. Natigilan siya sa aking ginawa at saka saglit na nagsalubong ang kilay.

He gently lifted the glass of water and let himself quench his thirst. Hindi ko maintindihan sa sarili kung bakit kailangan ko pang panoorin iyon. Para kasi siyang nagmomodelo ng tubig base sa paraan niya ng pag-inom doon.

Bumaba ang mata ko sa aking plato pagkatapos niyang uminom.

“What time is it?” he asked.

Sinilip ko ang orasan sa aking wrist watch at sinabi sa kanya ang oras. Niligpit ko ang aming pinagkainan pagkatapos samantalang nagpahinga siya sa sala. The sofa he’s sitting on became small when he sat on it. His size really makes a difference. He’s so huge that the sofa is almost crumpled and collapsing.

Tapos na akong magligpit at maglinis nang lapitan ko siya.

“Aalis na ako, may mga habilin ka ba? Do you have any plans today?” saka ko lamang natanto na hindi ko na dapat pang itinanong iyon.

I sound so clingy. And acting like I’m someone important to him. Whatever Riley, shut your mouth the next time and know your place!

“Do good at school. I’ll just probably workout and make some calls..” pagod niyang tanong dahil ang kanyang mga mata’y bahagya nang bumabagsak dahil sa antok.

“Inaantok ka pa, ang aga mo kasing gumising. Dito ka ba matutulog sa sofa?” nag-alala ako dahil sa laking bulas niyang ito ay hindi siya magkakasya at mangangawit lamang siya kung dito niya balak na umidlip.

“I’ll just take a nap. You can go now, Riley. Don’t mind me. Just go.” tinaboy niya ako gamit ang kamay na pumailanlang sa ere upang igawi ako paalis.

Ngunit bago ako tuluyang umalis, hinablot ko ang isang throw pillow sa kabilang sofa at saka inilagay ito sa ilalim ng kanyang ulo. Nakatulog na siya agad pagkatapos. He acts like a baby even when he looks like a daddy.

Shit. Stop it, Riley!

Nagpasya na akong umalis at saka tinahak ang daan patungong school. Kabig-kabig ang dibdib, muli kong inihanda ang sarili sa panibagong araw na haharapin pagkatapos masuspinde sa nakalipas na mga araw.

I entered the school with same aura. I received some unnecessary glances from people mostly from boys that didn’t go unnoticed. Saka sila magbubulungan kapag nakadaan na ako. To think that I have already mastered the art of dedma, I still feel annoyed everytime they would talk about me. Wala na ba silang ibang mapag-usapan? Hindi ba sila naka-get over doon sa nakalipas na photo scandal ko with my ex? O baka naman sa eskandalong nangyari sa locker room three days ago with that stupid asshole who filed a complaint against me for violence?

“Welcome back, Riley Alveo. We missed you!” Inakbayan ako ng kaibigang si Kimpoy. Napansin ko ang ilan pang kaibigan na kasama niya.

“Na-miss ko itong si Riley eh. Payakap nga!” itinulak ko ang mukha ni Gael palayo sa akin.

Sinimangutan ako ni Gael kaya pinagtawanan siya ng mga kasama. Sanay na ako sa kaharutang taglay niya. His hobby is to womanize kung kaya’t pati ako ay hindi nakatakas sa kanya.

“We heard what happened. Siraulo talaga ’yong si Manzano! Gusto mo ipabugbog natin?” komento naman ni Aston, isa sa mga makisig na siga sa aming school.

“Hindi na, ayos na ako. Baka mas lumala pa kapag ginantihan n’yo.” pigil ko sa kung anomang plano ang naiisip nila upang bawian ang pambabastos na ginawa nung Manzano.

“Ilang estudyante na ang nabiktima ng gunggong na ’yun, dapat tinuturuan siya ng leksyon!” dagdag na suhestiyon pa ni Kimpoy na mas nagpaingay sa mga kasama ko.

I never felt happy at home and I only feel it whenever I’m with my friends. Masakit mang isipin pero iyong sarili kong kadugo ay ipinagtatabuyan ako at hindi tanggap kung ano ako. It has been fictional, na akala ko’y sa telebisyon o drama ko lamang mapapanood pero mararanasan ko pala sa tunay na buhay.

Being with my friends, nakaramdam ako ng ginhawa. To anyone who’s also feeling alone and betrayed, we should realize that happiness doesn’t come from other people, it should come within ourselves. Isa ito sa mga natutunan ko sa lahat ng pagsubok na pinagdaanan ko.

I attended the classes, all of it. Kahit na inaaya ako ng mga kaibigang mag-cut classes ay hindi ako nagpa-imbita. The motivation to finish schooling is now my main goal. Like what Leviticus told me, I should start planning for my future.

Teka, bakit nasali siya sa usapan?

“Ang puti mo talaga, Riley. Naiinggit ako sa balat mo, makinis at walang bahid ng dumi.” pinagmamasdan ni Kimpoy ang aking braso habang kami’y nasa school canteen.

Apat kaming magkakasabay sa lunch, ang iba kasi’y may klase pa hanggang ngayon.

“Kutis porselana ’yang si Riley, huwag mong ikumpara sa balat mo.” sinamaan ko ng tingin si Gael sa panglalait kay Kimpoy. Tinawanan lamang niya ako.

“Nagpapaturok ka ba ng gluta, Rile?” suminghap ako sa sumunod na tanong ni Kimpoy.

Mas lalong lumakas ang tawa ni Gael, ngayo’y pinagtitinginan na kami ng ibang kumakain.

“Hindi at saka wala rin naman akong pera para roon.” sagot ko.

Kimpoy nodded then we continued eating our lunch. Madalas akong makatanggap ng advances mula kay Gael, ngunit natuto na ako lalo’t naging kaibigan niya noon ang ex kong si Jason.

“Saan ka tumutuloy ngayon, balita ko sa kapatid mo naglayas ka raw?” sabay kaming naglalakad ni Kimpoy sa vicinity ng school nang magdapit-hapon. Tapos na ang aking klase at pauwi na.

Kusang bumalik sa alaala ang lalaking kasama ko sa bahay at ang pagpapanggap ko bilang hardinero nito. I shook my head to wash away those thoughts.

“A-Ahmm, may tinutuluyan naman ako roon sa tiyahin ko.” pagsisinunghaling ko kahit na wala naman akong tiyahin.

I never intended to lie to him, pero mas mabuti na ito sa ngayon upang hindi na siya magtanong pa.

“Dito na ang daan ko, mag-iingat ka!” nagpaalam siya at saka kumaway muna bago tumalikod.

I waved at him and bid my goodbye. Tumalikod na rin ako upang tahakin ang daan pauwi kay Leviticus, what I mean sa bahay niya.

Why am I being defensive with my own self?

Nasa gate ako nang mapansing bukas ang lahat ng ilaw sa kanyang bahay. Isinara ko ng mabuti ang gate sa aking pagpasok. Tahimik at tanging ang isang mellow background music ang aking naririnig. The lights are all up. Binitiwan ko ang aking bag sa ibabaw ng sofa kung nasaan naiwan ang throw pillow na inunan ko sa kanya kanina bago ako umalis.

Hinanap ko siya sa taas at sa kusina, but I never found him there. Bukas ang mga ilaw kaya ibig sabihin nito’y narito siya. If he’s not sleeping then he should be doing something.

Doon ko naalala ang garden, naisip na baka naroon siya. Sandali kong napansin ang oras sa wall clock, it says 6pm. Nagbabadya ang pagkagat ng dilim. Binuksan ko ang transparent glass na sliding door patungong garden.

Doon ay nakita ko siyang nakaupo sa pergola.

“Lev—” naputol sa ere ang aking boses nang mapansing may iba siyang kasama.

Isang lalaki ang kanyang kaharap at kausap, nasa gitna sila ng pag-uusap nang mapansin nito ang presensya ko sa pintuan ay nagulat ito at nagtaka.

I stepped back.

Agad kong minemorya ang mga linya na maaaring irason sa aking pananatili rito. Hindi nagtagal ay bumukas ang sliding door at saka pumasok sa loob iyong lalaki.

Matangkad, matipuno, maputi at bahagyang kulot ang buhok. Ang mga mata’y kahawig ng kay Leviticus ngunit mas madilim ito. He must be someone relative to the robust man in the garden.

Riley, think!

“Who are you and what are you doing here?” his accent was the first thing I noticed, same with Leviticus.

Kahit na malalim at mas madilim ang mga mata nito kumpara kay Leviticus, mas maamo naman itong tignan kaysa sa isa. It’s so ironic to even provide a clear and complete explanation for it.

“U-Uhm..”

Parang nabuhol ang aking dila at hindi maituloy ang mga memoryadong linya. Nabighani kasi ako sa lalaking nasa harapan ko ngayon. He’s so good looking and my knees almost weakened, tigagal at hindi makasagot.

“How did you get inside, tho? Who are you?” pag-uulit nitong tanong na may babala na dahil sa hindi ko pag-imik.

It’s not my fault if they are not used to locks the reason why I got in before until now. Ngunit hindi ko kayang sabihin ito ngayon dahil natulala ako sa taong kaharap.

“W-Wait, I’m not… Uhmm..”

I heard the sliding door widened and Leviticus followed the voices. Mas lalong tumiklop ang aking dila sa pagsasalita.

His brows were tied in a knot as he felt the tension even though he cannot see the whole scene.

“Legend, what’s happening here?” his voice so low that I can almost hear his breathing.

Saglit na bumaling ang lalaking tinawag na Legend sa kanya at mabilis na bumalik sa akin. Legend? Hindi ba’t… Hindi ba kapatid niya ito?

That explains the similarities!

“There’s a trespasser in your house, Levi.” anunsyo nito sa kapatid dahilan upang mas kumunot ang noo nito sa pagkalito.

“I’m not a trespasser.” agad kong tugon sakaling maisalba ang sarili kapag marinig at makilala ni Leviticus ang aking boses.

Sakaling ipagtanggol ako nito, ngunit sa huli’y alam ko na ako ang magiging dehado.

“Who are you, then?” pambibintang ng kapatid saka ito humalukipkip, nanunusok ang tingin sa akin.

“He’s Riley, the gardener you hired Legend.” natampal ko ang sarili nang makilala ni Leviticus ang aking boses ngunit sa maling pagpapakilala nito.

Takang-taka ang kapatid nito at saka ako pinandilatan ng tingin. He even mouthed the word ‘gardener’ without any sound.

Obviously, he knows that I’m not someone he knows and not the one he hired. He bit his lips in tension.

Pumikit ako nang maramdaman na ito na ang huli kong pananatili sa bahay na ito. Aumang oras ay ipagtatabuyan ako rito gaya ng pagtaboy sa akin ng sariling pamilya. I crossed my fingers as I wait how will his brother throw me away from this house.

“Yeah, the gardener Riley.” Legend nodded as if he remembered something. “I’m sorry to misjudge you..” paghingi nito ng paumanhin ngunit hindi bakas sa mukha ang tunay na damdamin.

Of course, Leviticus won’t see it.

But why did he…

“Go back in the garden, Levi. I just need to tell Riley something..” tumango si Leviticus na parang walang pagpipilian kundi ang bumalik na lamang sa hardin.

Fear enveloped me. Bakit nito pinagtakpan ang kasinunghalingan ko? It’s obvious that he already knows something is up and not right.

“We will talk.”

I followed Legend in the living room, walked as if my feet were stuck on the floor and won’t move. I’m so dead. I feel like he’s gonna corner me or call the police on me. Ano pang pag-uusapan namin kung nabisto na niya ako?

“Riley!” he called my name when he noticed how slow I walked.

Riley, you’re so dead.

Chapter 5 [Teaser]

Inokupa ko ang isang couch katapat ng inuupuan ni Legend na ngayo’y nagmamanman sa bawat galaw ko. He licked his lips then shifted his position and distracted me completely in another level.

Legend is sitting in front of me, equipped with his hellacious look.

“Care to explain what’s this all about? I never hired a gardener yet and here you are..” dumagundong ang aking kaba. Ang puso ko’y para nang lalabas sa aking dibdib.

I quickly glanced at the door towards the garden, hoping Leviticus would show up and save my ass from his fearsome brother.

The clock is ticking and his index finger is thumping along with it.

“Are you gonna answer me, Riley? Or is that even your real name?” once again, he licked his lips and put a sarcastic tone in his voice. His brows furrowed and his eyes are skimming every move I make.

Damn. I feel like I’m being interrogated by a serial killer.

“I-I am…”

Damn, I can’t even straight out my tongue.

“I-I’m Riley Alveo, a-and I’m not a gardener.” pag-amin ko, natanto kong wala rin namang patutunguhan kung pati sa kanya’y magsisinunghaling ako gayung alam kong bistado na niya ako.

His eyes never showed difference.

“Then why is my brother’s under the impression that you are, Riley? Tell me, anong motibo mo at bakit ka narito?” the way he carries himself, he’s very keen and observant just like his older brother, but this one seems like he can throw me out any minute.

Leviticus can be more easily… convinced..

“Wala akong masamang intensyon, sa kapatid mo o kahit kanino. It’s just that..” nawalan ako ng sasabihin.

I need to prove to him that I’m harmless however I’m still wondering where should I start. Legend is waiting for me to say something.

“Just what, Riley? Look, I’m not gonna hurt you but please I need you to tell me the truth. What are you doing here?” the emotion in his face went warmer, I felt an ounce of ease.

I looked down on my thighs and how my nails dug on it. I already got in this situation, there’s no reason for me to lie about it. Or else, I’m gonna know what is his brother gonna be capable of.

I started talking. Telling him the whole story and how I ended up being in his brother’s house. I felt so awful reminiscing about it, how my family threw me out, and how devastated I was leading to where I am now. Legend kept on listening, mukha namang sumasang-ayon at naiintindihan niya ang mga nangyari at kung bakit ko piniling magsinunghaling tungkol sa aking katauhan.

“You know, we had a regular gardener before but he went back to province due to his wife’s pregnancy, so he’s gonna be out for too long. I’m still accepting applications and never had a decision yet.” he told me like we’re in a business discussion.

His moves are very firm and composed, it’s like he’s born to lead and tell people what to do. That made me serious about listening to what he’s gonna say.

“And I hired him a sitter before, even though he’s too old for that, still there’s a need for it. And no one lasted, because of my brother’s sort of not-so-good behavior towards them, that’s why it’s giving me a hard time keeping people that will tend to his needs..” napapakurap ako at napapatitig sa kanyang mga mata na nangungusap ngunit mas pinili kong makinig.

And I can’t understand why he’s telling me this, and what kind of behavior is he referring to? Leviticus seems… dormant and tamable. Wala naman akong nararamdamang kakaiba sa mga ikinikilos niya, so far.

“I observed how my brother reacted to your presence, can you tell me how are you able to manage him? Cause I know my brother’s one hell of a pain in the ass.” I don’t really get what he’s telling me.

Yeah, Leviticus seemed hard and passive at first, but eventually he’s actually good and gentle. I don’t understand what kind of behavior he’s trying to tell about his brother.

“Uhh, sa totoo lang he’s not that hard to handle. He’s just silent and compliant, I cook him food sometimes, make him tea, and let him do what he wants to do. I didn’t see any unusual behavior from him since the day I stayed here with him.”

Legend nods as I tell him those information, like it’s the first time he’s hearing good feedback about his brother. He licked his lower lip, like he wants to reveal something I’m not aware of.

“Did he yell at you, or show any…. uhm violent behavior?” he looked down in a sudden then raised his head just to look at me straight in the eyes.

Violent behavior?

Umiling-iling ako sa katanungan niya bilang sagot.

“Well.. what can I say..” pinagsalikop niya ang dalawa niyang kamay at parang may malalim na iniisip.

I waited for him to say something. He went silent for five minutes, it felt like something’s going on in his mind right now, keeping him preoccupied.

Ito na ba ang oras na pinakahihintay ko? Ito na ang huling araw ko rito sa pamamahay nila panigurado. Maybe that’s what he’s thinking of right now, at kung anong klaseng parusa ang ipapataw sa akin. O baka tumawag nalang siya ng pulis at ito na ang bahala kung anong gagawin sa akin?

Well, naisip ko na rin naman ito at kung ano ang magiging plano ko pagkatapos. May pagkain at tutulugan naman sa kulungan kung sakali. But how am I gonna finish schooling if I’m in jail? Mas lalong masisira ang record ko.

“Alright, damn.. Stay..” aniya na hindi ko agad naintindihan ang ibig sabihin.

Naramdaman naman niya ang aking pagkalito.

“I want you to stay here.. with him..”

That is not what I’m actually expecting. Bakit naman niya napiling manatili ako rito? How could he trust someone he doesn’t truly know?

“R-Really? I-I thought.. sigurado ka?”

He nodded with a decided look on his face.

“And don’t worry, you will be compensated in return. And do tell me if you need any help about something, so I’m gonna leave you my digits…” inabot niya ang isang sticky note at isinulat doon ang kanyang numero.

He handed it to me. Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala. How could he just… trust someone like me.. he doesn’t really know who I am, ngayon lang kami nagkakilala.. How did he just decide like that?

“Call me.”

Dahil sa kalituhan ay natulala na lamang ako at walang malay na kinuha ang papel na inabot niya sa akin. I came back to my senses when Leviticus went inside. Naglakad siya papalapit sa amin.

Nagpalipat-lipat ang tingin ko sa kanilang dalawa, hawig talaga sila at nagkaiba lamang ng kaunti sa galaw at pati sa ugali. Legend is always composed and move like a businessman in suit and tie attire while Leviticus is more relaxed and still, your casual kind of guy.

“Levi, it’s good that you’re here. I just told Riley something about his responsibilities since he is the… anyway, I gotta go..” Legend looked at me, a bit of nervous, but still can compose himself.

Saglit nitong tinapik at niyakap ang kapatid bago ito magpaalam sa aming dalawa.

“Riley.” tumango ako kay Legend bago siya umalis kahit hindi ko sigurado kung naintindihan ko nga ba talagang lahat ang kanyang sinabi.

I closed the door for him. I glanced at Leviticus after. Nakatayo siya at mukhang hinihintay ang pagbalik ko. He’s just simply standing there but somehow it felt like there’s a dragging force that pulls me to come closer.

“Kumain ka na ba?” he asked me nang lumapit ako sa kinatatayuan niya. Ang mga mata niya’y blanko ngunit ang presensya niya ay hindi nabawasan.

I can’t really explain how strong his appeal is.

“H-Hindi pa, ikaw?”

Kumibot ang kanyang labi. I suddenly remember what Legend asked me. I can’t really sense any violence from him.

“I already ate. You should eat, there’s food in the fridge.” Tumango tango ako kahit walang pag-asang makita niya iyon.

Hindi ko matagalan ang katahimikan kung kaya’t nagpasya akong tumungo sa kusina upang sundin ang sinabi niya. I should eat. I opened the fridge and found a vanilla cake there. Lumiwanag ang mukha ko nang makita iyon.

Kinuha ko ang cake mula roon ngunit pagtalikod ko ay nagulat ako sa pigura ni Leviticus. Hindi ko namalayang sumunod pala siya.

“What is it?” tanong niya nang marinig ang pagkagulat ko sa kanyang presensya. He’s now occupying a seat on the dining table.

“W-Wala, nagulat lang ako. Hindi ko alam na sumunod ka pala. Teka, akala ko kumain ka na? Hindi ka pa ba inaantok?” napaparami talaga ang pagsasalita ko kapag ako’y kinakabahan.

And I don’t even know why I get so anxious, siya lang naman ito. It’s just him, for god’s sake Riley!

“Nope, sasamahan na kita. Can you make some tea for me?” he put his arms on top of the table but I felt more anxious when his line of sight is directed towards me.

It’s so stupid to ask myself if this man is really sightless or just pretending. At dahil pa roon ay pakiramdam ko binibilang niya ang bawat galaw ko. Damn, Riley! Bulag nga ang tao, ’di ba? Imposible ang iniisip mo.

“Please..?” dugtong niya dahil hindi agad ako nakasagot. He bit his lower lip in the most attractive way, for me.

“Y-Yeah, sure.. saglit ipagtitimpla kita. Diyan ka lang..” huminga ako ng malalim upang habulin ang hininga. Para akong hinihingal na hindi ko maintindihan.

Bago ako gumalaw upang magtimpla ay napansin ko ang ngisi sa kanyang mukha.

“Bakit nakangiti ka? M-May nakakatuwa ba?” I asked like I have no idea what’s going on and he’s the only one who knows it.

“No, sorry.. You told me to stay here, well wala naman akong balak na umalis.” nakatulala lang ako sa kanyang mukha at kung gaano ito ka-perpekto.

I keep on thinking that nobody’s perfect, but this man is the closest to it.

“Okay. Magtitimpla na ako.” tinalikuran ko siya upang gawin na ang kanyang tsaa. Saglit akong pumikit at umiling-iling bago nagpatuloy sa ginagawa.

I have told myself not to get distracted everytime he’s around because it would be impossible for him to avoid. We’re gonna be living together so I should learn how to remain unaffected.

I placed the cup of tea in front of him. Dahil sa kakaibang pakiramdam ay parang nabawasan ang gutom ko at iyong cake na lamang ang aking kinain. Tanging kalansing ng kubyertos ang naririnig, tahimik lamang siya habang pinapanood ko ang bawat galaw niya.

Like what I said, he’s too relaxed and calm. Na parang walang anumang problemang iniisip. Wala ring sakit na iniinda. He’s just there, presensya lang ay sapat na.

How could a person like him exist? To think about all of it, we seem very opposite to each other. I have all the problems in the world, decisions are scattered everywhere and I always feel so anxious about everything. While Leviticus on the other hand, seems like he doesn’t have any problem and acts so cool about everything. May sarili siyang bahay at mukhang kayang mabuhay kahit hindi na magtrabaho. Well, I think the only problem he has is his sight. But I would like to think of it as disability rather than a problem. Disability is not always a problem because we can still live and cope with it.

We have a lot of differences. On the other side, the similarity that we have is how we are both alone. Of course, he has his brother Legend but still he’s living here on his own. We both depend on ourselves.

Habang abala ako sa mga naiisip ay muli kong napansin ang pag-angat ng labi niya. He’s amused about something and I get so curious once again.

“Why are you… smiling?”

Kumibot muli ang kanyang labi. Umangat ang paningin patungo sa mga mata ko. Shit. That damn feeling whenever his eyes match mine. Alam kong aksidente lamang iyon ngunit sa kada magtatama ang aming mga mata ay para akong lalagnatin.

“Nothing, I just noticed..” he said slowly but with enough emphasis on every word.

“Noticed what?”

Tumigil na ako mula sa pagkain at naghintay lamang sa kanyang sasabihin. All my attention is focused on him.

“That you’ve been staring at me for like… five minutes now..”

That long? That must be.. he couldn’t.. that shouldn’t be..

“You’re kidding..” bawi ko at bahagyang tumawa.

“Why would I? Even if I couldn’t see you, but I feel.. I may not see but I feel, Riley..” wala akong masabi.. he’s just way too unpredictable.

“I-I’m sorr—”

“Don’t be, it’s fine with me.”

Nagbuntong hininga ako, hindi ko malaman kung ano ba dapat ang mararamdaman ko sa mga pagkakataong ito. Hindi ko dapat makalimutan na kahit na wala siyang paningin ay sobrang lakas naman niyang makiramdam, so I should limit the instances of looking at him. Or just don’t look at him at all?

“Anong napag-usapan niyo ng kapatid ko?” biglaang tanong niya.

Should I tell him the truth? Of course not! Kung gayon, anong idadahilan ko?

“A-Ahh.. ano.. may sin— he just told something about… a-about the.. uhm…” gusto ko na magmura sa mga oras na ito dahil sa walang katapusang pagkautal.

“I-It’s about.. uhm..” unfortunately, ngayon pa hindi gumana ang utak ko. I closed my eyes because of the total frustration.

“Riley, I think you need to calm down. Are you nervous? Well, what’s making you nervous by the way?” maging ang katanungang iyon ay hindi ko rin magawang sagutin. Ano bang nangyayari sakin?

Nanalangin ako na kainin na lamang ng lupa. I’m so obvious! Huminga ako ng malalim upang pakalmahin ang sarili. I wasn’t prepared to answer this kind of question from him but still I need to make up something.

“Riley..” mas lumalim ang tono ng kanyang boses, may tamang diin na ito kung kaya’t nakuha niya ang buong atensyon ko.

“W-Wala naman kaming ibang napag-usapan ng kapatid mo, I mean aside sa trabaho ko rito, siyempre. Pero iyon lang ’yun..” tumango-tango ako upang kumbinsihin ang sariling sapat na iyong kasagutan sa tanong niya.

“Nothing else? You talked for about thirty minutes, that’s it?” his eyebrows met. I don’t get what kind of clear-cut answer he wants from me.

At bakit laging bilang na bilang niya ang mga bagay-bagay?

“May nabanggit din ang kapatid mo, he hired workers before but… they didn’t last..” nang marinig niyang sabihin ko iyon ay napatigil siya at mas lalong sumeryoso ang ekspresyon.

I saw how his jaw tensed.

“I fired each one of them..” walang pagbabaka sakaling bitaw niya.

What?

“Why?” I noticed his slower breathing, muli akong natulala habang pinapanood ang bawat pagbabago ng ekspresyon sa kanyang mukha. He closed his eyes for a moment then sighed tardily.

“Because I don’t need them..”

Now, this is getting interesting. Yeah, I can tell that he doesn’t really need anyone like what he mentioned. Kaya niyang tulungan ang sarili niya. But the question that is confusing me…

“What makes me different from them? Y-You didn’t throw me out..” nung una kaming magkakilala ay medyo ilag siya ngunit kinalaunan ay hindi rin naman niya ako pinaalis.

Muling nagtama ang aming mga mata. I was once again, captivated.

“Because I like you, Riley.”

My breathing hitched. Natigagal ako, hindi mapakali sa aking kinauupuan. What did he just… say?

“G-Gusto mo ako?” ilang lunok na yata ang ginawa ko.

“Yeah, I like you.. I mean, not romantically but I like the way how you manage things. You’re not pushy, loud, or aggressive which makes you different from them. And I don’t even want Legend to hire anyone, sometimes he hires without my knowledge, so I get to fire them after knowing about it.” paliwanag niya.

“And you’re just there, waiting if I need anything. That’s why I’ve decided to keep you and give you a chance.” he added.

Mas nalinawan ako roon sa sinabi niya ngunit ’di ko maintindihan kung bakit bahagya akong nadismaya sa una niyang sinabi. Whatever, Riley! At bakit ko naman maiisip na gusto niya ako romantically, hindi ko rin naman siya tipo. Napakalayo niya sa mga tipo kong lalaki. He’s too… he’s too gentle for me.. I like rougher guys…

“Yeah, gusto rin naman kita..” walang pakundangang bigkas ko ngunit huli na nang malamang naisabigkas ko pala iyon.

“I mean, of course not romantically too..” bawi ko, baka sakaling iba ang maging interpretasyon niya roon.

Damn! Nag-init ang mukha ko. Bakit parang mas mali ang dinagdag kong sabihin?

I heard him chuckled softly.

“What do you like about me?” pinagsalikop niya ang dalawang kamay at ipinatong ang baba niya roon, mukhang naging mas interesado kung paano ko sasagutin ang mga follow-up questions niya.

Agad akong nag-isip nang mabilisan para makaiwas sa hot seat.

“Can we just… pwede bang bukas nalang natin pag-us—”

“You’re not going anywhere if you don’t answer my question, Riley. Come back here..” pinal niyang babala.

Akto na sana akong tatayo ngunit binalik ko ang puwet ko sa upuan. Damn, why is he cornering me all of a sudden?

“I’m expecting an honest answer..” ang index finger niya’y animo’y nagbibilang sa bawat kumpas nito.

“Leviticus naman, siyempre maayos ka naman makitungo sa akin. Wala pa naman akong… wala pa naman akong kakaibang sinapit mula sa’yo.. what I mean, not in a bad way but… uggh can we stop this?” sobrang init na ng mukha ko sa hiya habang siya’y pangisi-ngisi lamang na nakikinig. I hate confessions like this.

“Why stop this? I’m absolutely enjoying this conversation, Riley..” hindi na naalis ang nakakairitang ngisi sa mukha niya.

“Leviticus, please…” pagmamakaawa ko.

Gustong-gusto ko nang umalis sa harapan niya at magkulong sa aking kwarto.

“Yeah, you can go now, Riley. I’ve already understood how’d you come to like me, not romantically but in your own kind of definition..”

Mas lalo akong nairita nang muli niyang banggitin ang tulad ng sinabi ko kanina. Damn you, Leviticus.

Inirapan ko siya saglit bago tumayo. He’s not done smirking while sitting there finger-combing his slick hair. This man is such a teaser and plays it so damn well.

“And before you go, please leave the lights on.”

Chapter 6 [Violent]

I have never been this absent-minded the whole class. It feels like my mind is so busy right now about something that I don’t really give a damn.

Maagang natapos ang aming klase, as usual sabay kami ni Kimpoy sa pag-uwi hanggang sa maghiwalay kami ng daan. Habang tinatahak ang daan pauwi ay muling bumisita sa isip ko si Leviticus.

Well, nasabi ko na noon na hindi siya ang tipo kong lalaki. He’s too soft and gentle, I mean yeah his body is robust and hard but the way that he approach me is… I don’t know.. I don’t really like to conclude what I was thinking.

I like guys who’s more brisk or like a bad boy. I mean, not bad as in evil, but bad in a good way. This time, I’m sure that I’m not making any sense. You’re hopeless, Riley. I can easily say that he’s not my type while I can’t even explain what is really my type, fuck.

Pagod akong nakarating sa kanyang bahay. Not physically tired, but mentally. Pagod na pagod ako sa kaiisip sa mga bagay na wala namang kabuluhan.

I drank the cold glass of water, while my eyes tried to roam around the kitchen. It’s four in the afternoon, nasaan kaya si Leviticus? I put down the glass on the counter before I head off to the garden area. Pagkabukas ng pintuan ay agad kong napansin ang iilang dahon na lumulutang sa pool, reminding myself to do some cleaning once I’m free. There’s no one in the pergola tho, where is the man living here? He’s usually seen here, sometimes the living room, or maybe he’s upstairs? Why am I even looking for him?

Nakapagdesisyon akong lisanin ang hardin ngunit bago mangyari iyon ay napansin ko ang isang pintuan sa bandang dulo. It’s actually isolated and kind of hidden by bushes. Out of curiosity, kusang kumilos ang mga paa ko at saka binuksan iyon. Fortunately, there’s no lock in it, kaya madali ko itong nabuksan.

What I found is cleaning materials, medyo madilim sa loob kung kaya’t binuksan ko ang ilaw. It’s not that spacious, just enough to dump these things. Aalis na sana ako nang mapansin ko ang mga basag na piraso ng frames, maging ang nakatambak na night stand ay bali. There are also other decorative materials, shattered into pieces if not just broken.

Umalis rin ako roon pagkatapos. Bumalik ako sa loob ng bahay, umakyat sa aking kwarto ngunit hindi nakawala sa aking pansin ang bahagyang pagkakabukas ng kwarto sa kabilang dako. It’s not one of the guest rooms, it’s actually Levicitus’ room.

Ilang beses kong kinumbinsi ang sarili na pabayaan na lamang ang nakita ngunit mas nanalig pa rin ang pagiging kuryoso ko. Alright, I just want to check on him if he’s okay then that’s it.

Nag-ipon ako ng hininga bago katukin ang pintuan ng kanyang kwarto.

“Levi?” I murmured, realizing my voice was actually softer than I normally sound.

Ipinagsawalang-bahala ko na lamang iyon at saka nilawakan ang pagkakabukas ng pintuan. I caught him sitting on the king-sized bed while there are papers on his lap, and pile of folders around him. He stopped from moving when he notices my presence but didn’t move his eye.

“Riley?” making sure if I am the one inside his room.

“Ako nga, pumasok na ako kasi nakabukas ’yung pintuan.” lumapit ako ng bahagya sa kinaroroonan niya upang masilip ang kanyang ginagawa.

“Next time, knock first before coming in..” he sounded so serious about it, like it’s a matter of life and death.

Tumango ako ng mabagal.

“Actually, kumatok naman talaga ako kanina hindi mo lang siguro narinig. I even called your name.” I said as a matter of fact just to prove that I don’t just get into his privacy.

“Really?” tanong niya na parang hindi makapaniwala.

“Yes.”

He bit his lip, then eventually agreed with me. My eyes went back to the papers scattered around his bed.

“I’m sorry, I just don’t want you to come here unexpectedly. You might catch me naked or something like that..” pagkatapos ay ngumisi saglit sa ideyang naisip niya.

I groaned, like it matters to me if that happens or not. I don’t care at all. He might have this steel-hard beefy body, but it doesn’t matter to me at all. At all. Yeah, like I don’t care, right?

“Why would I catch you naked?” wala akong balak na isabigkas iyon ngunit walang pigil na naman ang bibig ko.

“Maybe… because I might be taking a bath or done taking a bath?” nagbigay siya ng suhestiyon, fair enough.

Still, it doesn’t matter to me. Kahit maghubo’t hubad pa siya ngayon sa harapan ko, it doesn’t have any significance to me, okay?

“Okay. I might catch you naked either like what you said, if you’re done or taking bath or if you are doing something… nasty or whatever you call it…” nagsisi akong i-elaborate pa ang mga ideyang pumapasok sa isip ko.

He put down all the papers on his lap then gave me all his attention. Shit. Hindi ko na dapat… Ughh.. I told myself to shut my mouth the next time.

“Alright, let’s talk about nastiness.” his tone became more intense like he wants to give such emphasis on the topic. “If I’m gonna be doing what you’re thinking, I’ll do it inside the bathroom and not here.. so you’re safe.. there’ll never be a chance that you’re gonna see me jerking off here..”

Dahil doon ay naubo ako ng malala. I can’t bear hearing it from him.. it’s just inappropriate.. bakit ko ba kasi inumpisahan? At pinatulan naman niya?

“I think you should learn how to lock your door.” I suggested for consideration.

“Sometimes, nakakalimutan ko. But don’t worry, I’ll note to myself to get clothed everytime if you’re not comfortabl—”

“No, it’s fine. It’s your decision naman.. I mean, it’s a need, right? naiintindihan ko..”

What the fuck. Bakit nga ba kami napunta sa ganitong uri ng usapan?

“And it’s a private thing you shouldn’t ask, unless you are interes—”

“Ayos lang, hindi rin naman ako interesado.” with the way I said it, he gulped hard and frowned quickly then changed his expression into stolid.

Tumikhim siya at muling binalik ang atensyon sa ginagawa.

Glancing at the papers that I can’t read anything from it, I asked “how can you read this?” I mean I can’t see any letters on those papers.

“It’s braille.” saka ko lamang naintindihan nang sabihin niya iyon saka napansin ang mga dots na naka-emboss sa bawat pahina.

Hindi na ako nagtanong masyado tungkol doon. It looks like he’s busy reading those papers so I’ve decided to let him continue.

“Sa kwarto lang ako, magbibihis. At nga pala, may gusto ka bang ipaluto para sa hapunan natin?” he stopped from arranging the papers and raised his head.

His eyes are trying to locate mine, muli kong napagmasdan ang ganda ng mata niya. It’s so dark and menacing.

“Anything with soup will be fine with me.” he smiled a bit, now my eyes went down to his lips. His kissable lips that is not that noticeable for me, just a normal lip.

“O-Okay..” naglakad na ako palabas ng kanyang kwarto. Sinilip ko pa siya huling beses bago isarado ang pintuan.

Tagaktak ang pawis ko paglabas. I feel like I just came from hell. Sobrang init ng mukha ko. Babawasan ko na nga rin ang pagpunta roon sa kwarto niya dahil hindi magandang ideya. At sana sa susunod, matuto siyang mag-lock ng pintuan para hindi kami napupunta sa ganoong usapan.

I changed my clothes, muli kong naalala ang bilang na kagamitang dala ko. Ang iba kasi’y naiwan ko roon sa bahay ngunit sa pag-iisip na baka itinapon na rin nila iyon, nagbalak akong mamili na lamang ng mga bago kapag nakuha ko na ang unang sweldo ko rito.

Nag-ayos ako sa harap ng salamin. Tried to comb my bit-curly hair, trying to look good physically. Ang labi ko’y natural nang mapula, ito ang pinakagusto kong bahagi ng aking katawan dahil sa katamtamang nipis at tambok nito. I didn’t put any powder on my face dahil natural na ring maputi ang balat ko. Sa sobrang puti ay kaunting himas lang ay pupula na agad. For a man of my age, I have a slender body structure.

After an hour, I decided to do the cooking. Sinuri ko ang stocks sa fridge at kung ano ang maaari kong lutuin na may sabaw. I pulled out a chicken and some veggies, kumakain kaya siya ng chicken? Hindi naman siguro ito ilalagay rito kung hindi ’di ba?

Sinuot ko ang kulay dilaw na apron at saka prinepara ang mga sangkap. Natapos ko ang pagluluto ng isang oras. Nagpahinga ako saglit sa living room habang nanonood ng isang pelikula. May malalaking kwadradong painting na nakasabit sa pader na mas lalong nagpaganda sa design ng silid. Mostly earth colors are used to every wall and furniture.

Nakaramdam ako ng tapik sa aking balikat. Nagmulat ako ng mga mata at ang una kong nasilayan ay ang mukha ni Leviticus na sobrang lapit sa aking mukha. Sa gulat ay napatayo akong bigla dahilan ng pagkaka-untog ng aming mga mukha. Sht!

“Awww..” he flinched then caressed his forehead.

“Fuck, I’m sorry.. ikaw kasi..” lumapit ako sa kanya at sinuri ang noo kung may sugat ba o ano.

“Bakit kasalanan ko?” walang malay niyang tanong kaya napaisip rin ako kung bakit.

“Sobrang lapit kasi ng mukha mo pagdilat ko. I didn’t know, nagulat lang ako..” doon ko napagtantong ginigising niya pala ako dahil maghahapunan na.

Ilang oras akong nakatulog?

“I’m fine, are you?”

Hinipo ko ang aking ulo na wala namang masakit.

“Ayos lang. Teka, maghahain lang ako. Nakatulog pala ako.” dali-dali akong tumayo at saka nagtungo sa kusina.

I set the dining table. Napansin ko ang pagsunod niya. Medyo basa ang kanyang buhok, did he take a bath and get naked?

“Nag-shower ka?” tanong ko habang inookupa niya ang kanyang upuan. His moves are just smooth and exact, why the hell am I giving attention to it?

“Yeah..” isinalin ko ang tinola sa isang malaking bowl at naglagay ng sabaw sa sarili niyang bowl.

“It’s chicken tinola, may sabaw ’yan.” he nodded. Pansin ko ang pag-amoy niya sa umuusok na sabaw nang ihain ko ito sa harapan niya.

“Smells delicious, let’s eat?”

Kumain kaming dalawa. Sadyang binagalan ko ang pagsubo upang mapanood ang reaksyon niya kapag natikman na ang luto ko.

Humigop siya ng sabaw. Para akong timang na naghihintay sa reaksyon niya. Kumurap-kurap siya at saka bahagyang tumango.

“It’s good, masarap ka palang magluto.” dahil sa puri niya ay tumaas ang kompiyansa ko sa sarili.

I’ve never been good from doing anything, dito nalang siguro sa pagluluto ako bumawi. Somehow, it lifted up my spirit. I have never received any praise from my family, and yet here’s a stranger commending me for doing something good. The world really has its own way to twists things out.

“Salamat.”

We continued eating. My mind did not stop from thinking about him even though we’re just a meter apart, I can’t manage to brush aside those thoughts that we had in his room.

“Kayo lang bang dalawa ni Sir Legend ang magkapatid?” initiating a new topic so that it won’t be so silent like the usual.

Unanticipated, he stopped from eating when he heard me mention his brother’s name.

“Yeah.”

It’s too hard for me to make him open up more, which is very usual for men like him. They tend to keep their own emotions to theirselves, that’s why it adds up to the mystery. It’s so hard to peel off the layers of his mind.

“He looks younger..” ani ko habang nakatingala sa ere at inaalala ang panahong nagkausap kami ng kapatid niya.

“Am I that too old?” he asked all of a sudden, his lips partly frowning.

“Well, ilang taon ka na nga ba?” I have never asked him this question.

He fidgeted for a brief moment before he answered.

“I’m thirty..”

Nakabuka ang bibig na tumango-tango ako. Well, he looks really mature, independent, and with that body structure, that number justified it all naman.

“I’m five years younger than you pala.. Sabagay, mukhang mas magka-edad kami ni Sir Legend.” hindi pa rin siya nagpatuloy sa pagkain, mukhang interesado sa aming pinag-uusapan.

“He’s already 27, two years older than you. You’re not of the same age, Riley.” pagdagdag naman niya ng impormasyon na hindi ko naman hiningi.

“Fine, twenty-seven then. With your age, dapat may asawa’t anak ka na.” muli akong nagsisi nang banggitin ko iyon. Baka isipin niyang masyado akong nanghihimasok sa buhay niya.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to meddle with your personal li—”

“It’s fine. I have a daughter.”

Muli kong nasapo ang bibig sa gulat sa nalaman. I was expecting it from the very beginning but it’s still shocking for me. Wala naman kasi akong ibang taong nakikita rito sa bahay bukod sa kanya at sa kapatid niya.

“I haven’t seen her..”

The look on his face hardened. This must be a really personal topic for him. Hindi ko na dapat pang tinanong iyon.

“She’s six years old, she’s with her mother’s family.”

Momentarily, there is this cold and desolating feeling that I sense from him. I let him continue what he was saying.

“Her mom died, we’re both in a car accident few years ago. And it’s my fault why she’s gone now..” his face darkened.

Nakaramdam ako ng awa. Binitawan ko ang kubyertos at saka hinawakan ang kanyang balikat. I don’t have any idea how to comfort him or de-escalate the negative emotion he’s feeling right now.

“That’s also the reason for losing my vision. I deserve it anyway, her family’s mad at me for drunk driving that time..” his voice broke but he can still manage to keep it.

“I never… wanted it…”

Inalis ko ang kamay ko sa kanyang balikat at saka hinawakan nang mahigpit ang kanyang kamay. Napatingin siya roon.

“It’s not your fault, Lev…”

I felt how his hold tightened.

“Yeah, it was. And I deserve this consequence.”

“No one wanted it to happen, Levi.”

Tumango pa siya kahit na alam kong hindi talaga siya sang-ayon.

“I killed her. I-I killed my wife. I ruined our family.”

Tumayo siya at saka umalis sa kinauupuan. He walked slowly towards the stairs. I suddenly felt bad. Pakiramdam ko ay kasalanan ko na sinubukan ko pang tanungin ang personal na bagay na iyon. Nanatili ako sa aking upuan habang walang ganang inuubos ang pagkaing nakahain sa aking plato. I looked at his plate, hindi pa siya tapos kumain.

As much as I would like to follow him, I think he wants to be alone for now.

Ngunit natigilan ako nang makarinig ng ingay mula sa itaas. Agad kong iniwan ang pagkain at saka nagtungo sa sala. I heard some noise, na parang may mga bagay na nahulog at nabasag. Dali akong umakyat at nalamang ang ingay ay nanggagaling sa kwarto ni Leviticus.

Patuloy ang ingay sa loob. Agad akong nabahala at saka kinatok nang kinatok ang pintuan ng kanyang kwarto na sa kasamaang palad ay ito’y naka-lock kung kaya’t hindi ko mabuksan.

“Levi, open this door!”

Ilang beses ko siyang tinawag ngunit walang nagbubukas ng pintuan. Out of frustration, I dialled Legend’s number, which he immediately answered.

Legend:

“Who’s this?”

Taranta na ang boses ko dahil sa kalabog na naririnig sa loob ng kwarto ni Leviticus.

“S-Si Riley ’to, c-can you come here right now? I think something’s wrong with your brother…”

“Levi? Wait.. is he breaking things again?” narinig ko ang andar ng makina sa kabilang linya.

“Yes. Come here, please.. I-I don’t know what to do..”

“Alright, I’m inside the car and I’m heading there now..”

Bumaba ako sa sala habang hinihintay ang pagdating ni Legend, hindi ko matiis pakinggan ang ingay na nagmumula sa kanyang kwarto. Natakot ako sa mga naiisip at baka kung anong mangyari sa kanya, maybe this is the violent behavior that Legend was talking about?

After almost ten minutes, Legend came rushing and I followed him upstairs.

“Levi, this is Legend. Open the door now.” nakapameywang siyang nakatayo sa harap ng kwarto ng kapatid, he glanced at me telling me that it’s okay and I should just act normal.

“Leviticus!”

Two minutes or so passed, the door’s unlocked with a spare key that Legend has. He opened the door and we found Leviticus sitting on the floor, with blood on his right hand.

“Damn it..” Legend cursed silently and lifted his brother up to the bed.

Hindi nakatakas sa paningin ko ang mga kagamitang sira at nabasag sa sahig. A huge painting with glass is shattered and some books are thrown everywhere. Iniwasan kong maapakan ang ilang basag na piraso ng salamin at saka lumapit sa kanila.

Nakayukong nakaupo sa dulo ng kama si Leviticus, he’s still sober but never spoke a word. He looks so miserable and I felt guilty because I still have this idea that I triggered this side of him.

Nagdurugo ang kanang bahagi ng kanyang kamay. Legend ordered me to get the first aid kit on the bathroom. Kinuha ko iyon at saka agad na ginamot ang kanyang kamay. Leviticus didn’t move, he just sat there and let me treat his wound.

Minsan kong sinisilip ang kanyang mukha. Napansin kong may kaunting concussion sa kanyang ulo kung kaya’t nilinis ko iyon, ginamot at saka nilagyan ng band-aid. Legend is standing near the doorway, watching me treat his brother’s wounds.

After that, we let Leviticus fell asleep. Nasa tapat kami ng kwarto niya habang pinapanood ang mahimbing na pagkakatulog ni Leviticus.

“So this is what you were talking about before..” I whispered, realizing everything is now making sense.

“Yeah, madalas itong mangyari sa kanya noon. Ngayon, bihira na. He still blames himself for the death of his wife. He’s still in trauma, he’s doing therapies before but it’s so hard to convince him to come.”

Tiningala ko siya habang kinu-kwento ang lahat ng iyon. Leviticus mentioned they were in a car accident with his wife. And he was drunk driving. I don’t know what to think of it.

“Alyanna’s family won’t like Leviticus near their grand daughter.. so my brother’s been alone for years now.. he wanted to be alone, nagprisinta rin ako noong samahan siya rito upang may tumingin at mag-alaga sa kanya dahil injured siya noon at hindi nakakalakad, after his leg healed he insisted that he can live by his own. You know, I have every option to help him but he declined assistance from anyone.” his voice saddened, crossing both of his arms on his chest while tears rolled down his face.

“You know, he’s always cheerful and he always smile, that was before, but after the accident he changed. He’s now this gloomy m-motherfucker…” inalo ko siya dahil hindi na niya napigilan ang pagluha.

“I-I can’t do anything about it.. I have all the fucking resources that might help him but..”

I listened to him earnestly.

“I’m sorry for getting emotional.. I’m just really sad for my brother.. wala akong magawa..”

Binalot ko ng kumot ang natutulog na si Leviticus at saka isinarado ang pintuan ng kwarto. Legend’s on the living room resting.

“That was the time that I got shocked that he didn’t throw you out.” he stared at me for a moment, na para bang nasa akin ang kasagutang matagal na niyang hinahanap.

“I just want you to promise me one thing, Riley..”

His eyes are longing for something I’m oblivious of.

“Of course.. anything that would help him.”

Napansin ko ang malalim niyang paghinga saka ako tinitigan.

“Don’t leave him. He needs you.”

Chapter 7 [Visual]

The next day came.

Pinapanood ko si Legend na itinatambak ang mga nasira at nabasag na gamit doon sa natagpuan kong silid kahapon. So this explains the broken furnitures and shattered glasses. It’s all because of Leviticus.

Legend is crouching on the floor, looking at the broken pieces of a flower vase.

“Gaano kadalas ito mangyari sa kanya?” tanong ko kaya tumingala siya sa akin.

Malalim siyang nag-isip.

“Noon, madalas na halos araw-araw. Nitong nakaraan ay madalang na. If something triggers his violence, probably.” tumango ako sa nalaman.

Yeah, I was the one who triggered him.

“I-I think it was my fault what happened last night..” pag-amin ko.

I still feel guilty about it. Even though it was not really my intention but if I just kept my mouth shut, then it wouldn’t happen.

“I asked something personal. At nalaman ko iyong tungkol sa anak niya, at sa asawa niya. And the accident..”

Legend is just listening. Tumayo siya at saka pinagpagan ang kanyang mga kamay. That didn’t change the expression on his face, paniguradong mas marami pa siyang alam kaysa sakin.

“I understand. I think you already know that he’s still in trauma so might as well not talk about it. Don’t blame yourself, Riley.” inakbayan niya ako hanggang sa lumabas kami ng silid na iyon.

While we were walking, he told me things that eased my mind. I noticed how good he is at pacifying people.

Nauna akong nagtungo sa kusina upang asikasuhin na ang pagluluto ng almusal. Legend went to the living room, he said that he’ll just stay a bit longer. Kung kaya’t dinagdagan ko ang aking niluluto para sa tatlong tao.

I heard footsteps from the staircase. I peeked inside and saw Leviticus walking down. Mukhang kagigising niya lang. Magulo pa ang kanyang buhok pero ang hot pa din.

Damn, Riley can you just focus on the cooking?

I convinced myself again that I’m not ignorant about guys like him. I’ve met almost all types of men and they all have a common denominator, they’re assholes.

Bumalik ako sa aking niluluto. Pagkatapos ng ilang minuto ay may narinig akong kaluskos sa aking likuran. Pagtalikod ko ay sobrang gulat ko nang matagpuan si Leviticus doon. Nabitawan ko ang spatulang hawak ko.

“Sht! Nariyan ka pala.” puna ko.

Leviticus is silently pouring a milk on a glass. Nag-angat siya ng ulo sa pagtataka.

“Yeah, I’m here. I just woke up. Ginulat ba kita?” walang emosyong tanong niya.

Nagawa ko pang panoorin ang pagsalin niya ng gatas, binabantayan kung sakaling di niya mapansin na puno na ang baso. But luckily, hindi iyon umapaw. He’s good at this, he knows what he’s doing.

Ilang minuto pa ang lumipas bago ko pa maalala ang spatula na nahulog sa sahig. I was busy watching him.

Pinulot ko ang nahulog na spatula.

“Di naman, ayos lang. Di ko lang napansin na nandito ka na pala.” pagsisinunghaling ko kahit na halos tumalon ang puso ko sa takot kanina.

Leviticus nodded in agreement then went back to the fridge to return the box of milk. May alaala kaya siya sa nangyari kagabi? Naalala ko ang sinabi ng kapatid niya sakin kanina kaya mas mabuting hindi na lamang ungkatin pa iyon.

“Gusto mo rin ba ng gatas?” aniya bago isara ang pintuan ng refrigerator, sumungaw sa aking gawi. Paano niya nase-sense kung nasaang lugar ako?

“G-Gatas?”

Natameme ako sa kanyang mukha. Magulo ang kanyang buhok kung kaya’t kakaiba ang paningin ko sa kanya ngayon, sa totoo lang parang mas bagay sa kanya iyon. The band-aid is still on the upper part of his right eyebrow. But there is really something about his look, something new that I can’t tell.

“Yeah, milk.”

I can picture him as one of the male models in a magazine, praised mostly by women. His hair is dramatically falling on his forehead, I also noticed the growing beard on his face, just enough for him to look rougher than his usual appearance. Maybe that’s what’s new.

“Riley, are you staring at me again?” tanong niya saka nagtaas ng isang kilay.

I blinked consecutively all of a sudden. I was like hypnotized by something.

“H-Huh? Hindi ah! Ano.. binabantayan ko itong niluluto ko kaya..” palusot ko upang hindi na siya magtanong pa tungkol sa matagal kong pagtunganga sa harapan niya.

He closed the fridge’s door and walked towards me. Sa bawat lapit niya ay umaatras ako. Sa hindi sinasadyang pagkakataon ay nasagi ko ang spatulang nasa likuran ko dahil sa kakaatras ko. I looked at the spatula on the floor again, then looked at him after. Hindi na siya gumagalaw mula sa kinatatayuan.

Muli siyang humakbang ng isang beses palapit sa akin, umatras din ako ng isang beses dahilan ng pagkapaso ko sa gilid ng kalan.

“Aw!” I flinched in pain. Minasahe ko ang daliring napaso.

“Riley….” he called my name in the most dreadful way. “Is there something you wanna tell me?”

Anong ibig niyang sabihin?

“Napaso lang ako, I’m okay. “ itinago ko ang kamay sa aking likuran, hindi ko alam kung bakit ko ginawa iyon.

I turned around to check the soup that I was boiling. Luto naman na talaga iyon, kunwari na lamang na niluluto ko pa para lang may magawa.

“Are you done with the cooking?” nakaharap ako sa kalan at napapapikit na lamang dahil damang-dama ko ang presensya niya sa aking likuran.

“M-Medyo, sinisiguro ko lang na tama ang timpla..”

He closed the distance and he placed himself beside me. Hindi na ako tumingin pa sa kanya upang hindi ako muling madistract.

“Can I taste it?” his voice almost a whisper, nagtaasan ang balahibo ko. His voice is almost pleading.

“O-Okay, uhm kukuha lang ako ng kutsara.” nanginginig ang kamay ko na kumuha ng kubyertos at saka kumuha ng sabaw. Nasa gilid ko lang siya nakatayo at naghihintay na matikman ang sabaw.

“Where is it, Riley?” hindi niya makapaghintay na tanong.

“Saglit, hinihipan ko pa. Mainit pa e, baka mapaso ka.” kinalma ko ang sarili upang maging steady ang aking kamay habang hinihipan ang sabaw.

Nang sa tingin ko’y hindi na gaanong mainit ang sabaw, isinubo ko sa kanya ang kutsara. “I need you to open your mouth, Lev.. Stay still..”

I waited for his reaction after he tasted the soup. I can’t see any emotion on his face, it’s just neutral. What’s wrong with him? Hindi ba masarap ang niluto ko?

“How was it?”

He’s still licking his lips, I gulped and dismissed the inviting distraction. Nakita ko nang mas malapitan ang tumutubong balbas sa mukha niya. From the soft appearance, now he’s looking a bit rougher.

“Good. I like it.”

Aniya at saka umalis sa kanyang kinaroroonan. Binalikan niya ang baso ng gatas at saka ako iniwan sa kusina. Nakahinga ako ng malaya nang mawala na siya sa paningin ko.

Good? That was it? Good lang ang nasabi niya? Hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ba ako o ano. Dahil sa bahagyang pagkainis ay kinuha ko ulit ang kutsara at saka tinikman ang sabaw.

Let’s see…

The taste is perfect. Tamang tama ang timpla ko. Walang labis, walang kulang. Bumaba ang tingin ko sa hawak na kutsara at napagtantong ginamit ko ang kutsarang ipinagamit ko kay Leviticus kanina. Did I just… Did we just…

I shook my head to stop concluding into anything and threw the spoon on the sink. Goddamn this taste test!

Nang matapos ako ay nagtungo na lamang ako sa garden at saka nilinis ang pool. It’s a sunday, kaya wala akong pasok ngayong araw. Siguro, pagkatapos ng breakfast ay lilinisin ko ang aking kwarto. Pwede rin akong maglinis ng ibang guest room sakaling may alikabok na roon.

Nang makabalik ako sa kusina ay naririnig kong nag-uusap ng seryoso ang magkapatid.

“Just so you know, we’re now facing a lack in skilled workers, Levi. We need to think of a resolution now for this or else..” it was Legend’s voice.

“We can use staffing agency, Legend. In that way, it can save us time and we can get qualified workers quickly.” suhestiyon ni Leviticus.

Habang nag-uusap sila ay naghanda na akong maghain para makapag-breakfast na kami.

“We also need to find more reliable subs..”

“I’ll check with our materials suppliers and vendors, they might have an inside scoop and recommendations..”

Nang matapos sa paghain ay pumunta ako sa living room, naabutan ko ang mga papeles na hawak ni Legend. Leviticus is sitting in front of him, playing with a small ball on his hand.

“You can also check with other subcontractors for other recommendations, Levi.” tumango siya sa dinagdag ng kapatid.

“Sir Legend, Lev, uhm sorry to interrupt pero naghihintay na ’yung pagkain sa lamesa. Mag-breakfast muna kayo.”

Tumigil sa ginagawa si Legend at saka hinubad ang suot na reading glasses. Hinayaan ko silang mauna sa kusina, bahagya kong sinilip ang ilang folders na nakapatong sa circular table.

Torralba Builders, Inc.

Iyon ang nakaimprinta sa lahat ng folders. Narinig ko ang pagtawag ni Legend kung kaya’t dali-dali kong nilisan ang living room at dinaluhan sila sa dining area.

I found them waiting for me. Inokupa ko ang upuan sa tabi ni Leviticus, then we began to eat. They continued their talk about business and I just listened to them.

“What about the commercial building in Antipolo?” Levi asked his brother who’s still looking at some of the folders beside his plate.

Talk about workaholism, nangunguna ang magkapatid na ito.

“Yeah, we’re just waiting for the interior finishing, the lighting and plumbing fixtures are already installed, just some of the carpentry works are not yet done. But don’t worry, I’ll try to contact one of the engineers to get an update on this.”

Nang matapos kami sa pagkain ay patuloy pa rin sila sa kanilang diskusyon habang nililigpit ko ang mga pinggan.

“Do you wanna visit the site some time?” I heard Legend’s voice.

Leviticus is drinking his glass of water. Lumapit ako upang salinan ulit ito ng tubig.

“Yeah, but don’t put it yet on a schedule. And hey, Riley…” nasa sink ako nang tawagin ako ni Leviticus.

Lumapit ako sa kanila. Legend is curiously looking at me and his brother.

“Can you make a tea for me, please?” napatingin ako sa kanyang kapatid.

Legend is obviously watching us talk. He’s like observing.. what’s with him?

“Alright. Ikaw, Sir Legend?” umiling siya sa akin bilang tugon.

“Riley, can I ask you a question?” patalikod na sana ako nang itanong ito ni Legend.

Suddenly, I felt like he’s gonna ask me some weird question. Tinanguan ko siya kahit na hindi ako sigurado kung kaya kong sagutin ang katanungan niya.

“What do you think about a site visit? You know, we have this construction firm and Leviticus here owns it, however due to some unexpected situations, I am temporarily taking over the business..” kinakabahan ako kung saan patungo itong sinasabi ni Legend.

“And my brother here has quite hesitation of visiting, I would love it if you can accompany him for a site visit? I’m sure that will be a good idea and also a great opportunity for you since I heard you’re taking up a business-related course.”

Napapailing nalang sa tabi ko si Leviticus, apparently in disagreement with the idea. Nagtaas-baba ang kilay ni Legend at pinanlalakihan ako ng mga mata upang mapapayag ako.

“I’d like to ask if you’re interested, somehow?” he dropped the last question.

With Legend’s look and how he’s convincing me to agree to it, do I have any choice?

“I-I’ve never been to any firm, but I think it’s fine with me.” pilit pa akong ngumiti upang ipakitang sang-ayon ako sa ideya.

“Riley has school.. it might be a conflict with his schedule.” Levi interrupted. Muling tumingin sa akin si Legend at parang gusto ako nitong pagsalitain.

“I-I don’t think…” I ran out of words.

“Well, we can set the date kung kailan walang pasok itong si Riley. Right?” Animo’y kuminang ang dalawang mata ni Legend doon.

“Yeah.” I murmured.

Legend clapped slowly. Levi sighed in defeat.

“Oh no, we’re not doing this..” Leviticus in disappointment.

“Yes we are brother. So I’m gonna set the schedule later for your site visit, as soonest as possible.” Legend smiled victoriously while he arranges the pile of folders on the table.

Pagkatapos ng almusal ay nagpaalam na si Legend, and like the usual naiwan akong muli kay Leviticus. Nasa ibaba siya, ako naman ay narito sa aking kwarto.

For an hour, naglinis ako ng aking kwarto. Pagkatapos ay bumaba ako sa kusina upang uminom ng malamig na tubig. I was just resting when I notice Leviticus jogging around the pool in the garden. Lumapit ako at bahagyang binuksan ang sliding door.

Mataas na ang tirik ng araw nang tingalain ko ang langit, like it was in a slow-motion while I watch Leviticus jog, his sweat dripping down his gorgeous face down to the grey-colored shirt that hugs his robust body.

For a moment he stopped, yumuko siya at tinukod ang dalawang kamay sa kanyang tuhod at saka hinabol ang hininga. The sweat is now dripping down on the bermuda grass. Every bead of sweat is like crystal as the rays of the sun shines on it. Tumagilid ang kanyang ulo, facing my direction. I was stunned once again.

“Riley..”

I never spoke a word. Hindi rin ako gaanong huminga, not sure if that would help. Pero hindi umalis ang paningin niya sa aking direksyon.

“I know you’re there..”

How? Nahihiwagaan na talaga ako sa lalaking ito. May lahi ba itong manghuhula?

“How did you know?” I asked without leaving my position. Sumingkit ang mga mata niya, then he slightly caressed the back of his head.

“I just know..” aniya.

“You know.. I’m not buying it, Lev..” I shook my head in disapproval.

He smirked boyishly. It’s not new to me but it still amazes me. How could a blind man like him notice every subtle thing around him? I didn’t move or make any sound, I was just watching him.

“I don’t have to prove anything, Riley. Believe it or not, you were staring at me for about three minutes..”

Maybe the sliding door made a sound? Pero hindi naman ito lumilikha ng ingay kapag binubuksan. I’m not really believing him, maybe he’s just saying things out of luck if it’s true or not. It’s like he can manipulate what people think just by the use of his words, it’s a business tactic so maybe that’s where he learnt it.

“So what if I was?”

Does it matter, though?

“Get me a towel, Riley..” he ordered, I puckered my lips when he didn’t answer me.

Kumuha ako ng malinis na towel sa holder at saka ito inabot sa kanya. Balot siya ng pawis kaya medyo lumayo ako ng kaunti.

“Stay, don’t leave..” utos niyang muli nang akto akong aalis.

“Fine,”

I stayed in my position as per his command. Pinanood ko lang siyang magpunas ng kanyang pawis. Nang maalala kong manghuhula nga pala siya ay nag-iwas nalang ako ng tingin. Baka sabihin na naman ay sinisilipan ko siya.

“I’m sorry for what happened last night..” bigkas niya, bigla akong bumalik sa katinuan nang sabihin niya iyon.

No, we shouldn’t talk about it. Like what his brother said to me, it may trigger another of his episode.

“Naiintindihan ko.” I said, limiting my words just not to dig in too much about it.

“You know, I’m not really that violent. It was just…”

“Let’s just forget about it, Leviticus.” pagputol ko sa anumang balak niyang sabihin.

Nakaramdam kasi akong muli ng takot na ma-trigger na naman ang kanyang trauma sa nangyari at magbago na naman ang kanyang asal.

Yumuko siya, tahimik at hinihilot ang kanyang sintido.

“It wasn’t okay, Riley. We both know it. It’s fine if I just hurt myself, but it won’t be if I hurt you..” his sorrowful eyes is emotionally affecting me.

“I wasn’t hurt, Levi. So it’s fine.” bumaba ang tingin ko sa kanyang kanang kamay, binuhat ko iyon at pinagmasdan ang mga sugat doon na ginamot ko kagabi.

I held his hand, trying to remove or at least ease the pain he’s feeling.

“You’re still in pain and I understand that. If I could just help with the pain that you’re feeling, you can ask me anything..” ang kamay niyang hawak-hawak ko ay umangat sa ere at saka niya sinubukang hawakan ang aking mukha.

Natigagal ako sa aking kinatatayuan habang kinakapa niya ang aking mukha. His fingers went around the side of my face, on my eyes, nose, and down to my lips. While his eyes aren’t even blinking and so focused on the movement of his fingers.

“L-Lev—”

“Just let me hold you. I want to have a visual of your face..” he begged so I let him.

Nagtagal ang kanyang mga daliri sa aking mukha. The rays of the sun is now on our location, his face being partially shined by the rays. Mas nakita ko ang kulay ng kanyang mata. It was like that scene went magical.

After that, he smiled vibrantly.

“You look so young.” komento niya matapos ang napakatagal niyang pagkapa sa aking mukha.

I rolled my eyes.

“Bata pa naman talaga ako.”

He knows my age and that’s the only thing he noticed?

“Do we have any problem with age?” kumunot ang kanyang mga kilay, nakakatuwa ang ekspresyon sa kanyang mukha.

“Nope. I don’t, well do you?” pagbalik ko sa kanya ng tanong.

He shook his head slowly.

“I don’t care about age, anyway. But younger is better..” hindi ko maintindihan ang kanyang sunod na sinabi.

“What do you mean?” tanong ko baka sakaling mas ipaliwanag niya ng maayos ang huling pahayag niya.

He snickered softly. Bakit parang may alam siyang hindi ko nalalaman? This man is so hard to read, I can’t even pick whatever is going on right now in his mind.

“Nothing. Forget it.”

He left me so clueless to everything he just said. He’s so unfair. Why is it so hard to read his mind?

“Leviticus!” I called him but he’s already nowhere to be found.

Damn!

Chapter 8 [Kiss]

Limang minuto na ang lumipas pagkatapos ng aming huling asignatura bago ang aming lunchbreak. Now we’re heading our way towards the school cafeteria. Sa tabi ko ay si Kimpoy, nasa likuran naman sina Aston at Gael.

“Hell no, Manzano’s in the house..” bulong ni Kimpoy sa aking gilid, sapat na para ito’y marinig ko.

Sinundan ko ang line of sight niya. I found the table where Manzano is. He’s with the other jackass guys having their lunch.

“Ignore him.” I murmured.

Pumila kami upang mamili ng pagkain ngunit ang mapilit na sina Gael at Aston ay sila na raw ang pipila at pinaghanap nalang kami ng bakanteng table.

School is not that huge, still there are a lot of students. We found a vacant table but it is beside the table of Manzano’s group. Matik na nagtama ang aming paningin pero inirapan ko na lamang siya.

I can’t forget how he treated me like a trash and being the reason why I got suspended. But that was it. Ayoko nang isipin pa iyon dahil lalo lang akong mai-stress. He’s not even worth of my time to think about.

“Alveo.”

I instantly rolled my eyes as Manzano called my last name. He sounded like there is an unfinished business that we should tackle.

Hinintay ni Kimpoy ang reaksyon ko. He looks like he wanna punch that asshole’s face but I stopped him with my eyes. Hindi na nila kailangang madamay pa. This war is between me and this goddamn Manzano.

“You got some balls showin’ up here, huh?” sarkastikong puna nito saka nagtawanan ang kanyang mga kasama.

Nagtimpi ako. Umiling ako kay Kimpoy na handa nang harapin ang kabilang grupo.

“This fag has some balls, man. I’m telling you..” I heard more mockeries from him.

“I swear to god, I’m gonna punc—”

“It’s fine, Kimpoy. Don’t mind them.” bulong ko sa kanya upang kumalma ito.

It’s not his fight, it’s mine. I faced Manzano’s group.

“Why? Did I hurt your ego? Yeah, I got some balls but you have no dick..” patutsada ko kay Manzano na hindi inaasahan ang ganti ko. His bunch of stupid friends laughed even more at my remark.

“Watch your words, Alveo. You don’t like messing with me again..” babala nito habang tinititigan ako ng matalim.

“Why? Scared that I might kick your invisible dick again?” pinatulan ko ang kanyang hamon. Hindi ako nakakaramdan ng anumang takot sa kanya. All I feel is disgust.

Manzano stopped from eating his food and just by looking at him, I think I already won.

“Want me to shove my dick in your face, you motherfuc—”

“Hey! Relax, man… Why can’t you just leave him alone?” dumating si Gael at saka kinwelyuhan si Manzano. Saglit lamang iyon at saka nito nilubayan ang kabilang grupo.

They all went quiet.

Ibinaba nina Gael at Aston ang dala nilang food tray. I tried to peek at the other table, tumayo si Manzano sa kanyang kinauupuan at saka ito nag-iwan ng masasamang tingin sakin bago umalis. He even had the guts to raise his middle finger on me before finally vanishing from my sight.

“Tangina talaga nung Manzanong ’yun! Sarap ipalapa sa tigre, eh..” gigil na bulong ni Kimpoy. Tinapik ko ang balikat niya upang kumalma.

“Are you okay?” Gael asked while he’s chewing his food.

Napatingin rin si Aston sa akin. Mabuti na lamang at may mga kaibigan akong siga rito sa school, kahit paano napapakinabangan ko ang pagka-brusko nila.

“Okay lang, salamat kanina.”

Gael licked his lower lip maliciously like he’s turned on or something. Ano namang kalokohan ang tumatakbo sa utak nito?

“Wala sakin ’yun, Riley. Basta chupain mo lang ako mamaya, okay na ako.”

Aston and Kimpoy laughed heartily. Okay na sana kung hindi lang bastos ang bibig nitong lalaking ito eh. Inismiran ko siya.

“Tangina mo, Gael. Di ka naman tipo nitong si Riley.” pang-aasar ni Kimpoy sa kanya.

Tumigil saglit si Gael sa pagsubo ng pagkain at saka pinag-aralan ang magiging reaksyon ko.

“Di mo ako type? Masarap naman ako, ah?” nakanguso pa itong si Gael nang sabihin ’yun.

Gael is absolutely a bad boy and a bit conceited, but since he’s friends with my ex-boyfriend Jason, that’s why I am not really sure of his sincerity. He’s just like other guys out there.

“Gago, paano ka sasarap eh sunog baga at atay ka?” gumanti pa si Kimpoy. Sinakmal siya ni Gael at saka binatukan.

“Anong masama sa alak at sigarilyo?” tanong ng nakisaling si Aston.

Halos hindi ko na manguya ng maayos ang aking kinakain dahil sa ingay at kaguluhan nila.

“Masama kasi hindi maganda sa kalusugan..” komento ko kahit na noon ay nag-iinom at naninigarilyo din ako. Alam ko sa sariling napariwara ako noon, but now I’m trying to be a better person.

Ang mga tao naman kasi kung alin ang masama ’yun ang mas gusto. Iyon ang realidad. And I’m one of it. We may make bad decisions in life but that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, it still ends up on how you treat other people.

Unintentionally, all of a sudden Leviticus’ face flashed on my mind. He’s actually an example of a good person, parang sa tingin ko ay walang bisyo ang lalaking ’yun. Aside from his hidden violent behavior due to his trauma, there’s no any other impurities that I can point out.

Well, siguro maliban sa weird niyang senses ay wala na akong ibang mahanap na mali o kakaiba sa kanya.

“Handa naman akong itigil ang bisyo ko kung gusto mo akong tikman.” Gael whispered lewdly kaya mas sinamaan ko siya ng tingin.

“Ulol, gasgas na ’yan boy. Hahaha!” muling nakatanggap ng sapak si Kimpoy mula kay Gael kung hindi lang napigilan ni Aston ay paniguradong bugbog ang isa.

I looked at Gael. Saka ko napagtantong hindi ko rin pala nasusunod ang aking sariling prinsipyo. I’ve said I’m into rougher looking guys and Gael is actually a perfect candidate for it.

“Ang tagal mo ng single, Riley. Kaya baka naman sagutin mo na ako?” tatawa-tawang tanong pa ni Gael na inakbayan pa ako.

I can’t even deduce why I can’t see him as… I mean, gwapo itong si Gael at katamtaman ang angas, pero bakit hindi ko pa rin magawang maisip kung magugustuhan ko ba siya? Maybe I’m looking for something not just rough but also who’s….. intimate..

“Oo nga, Riley. Sagutin mo na kasi ’tong si Gael nang tumahimik na..” panggagatong naman ni Aston kaya nag-apir ang dalawa.

“Hindi ka sasagutin niyang si Riley kasi puro kalibugan lang ang alam mo, Gael.” side comment pang muli ni Kimpoy.

Wala rin namang kaso sa akin kung matagal na akong single. Masaya naman ako at hindi ko kailangan ng kasama para lang masabing hindi ako mag-isa. I can live on my own, hangga’t may pera akong pinagkakakitaan ay magiging maayos ako.

“Ina mo, Kimpoy.” Gael cursed.

And most of us are single because the people we want won’t act right, and the people who are willing to treat us right, we just don’t feel them enough. Iyon ang masaklap na realidad.

And if even you both love each other, love alone is never enough.

Kahit kailan hindi magiging sapat ang pag-ibig.

Wala kaming klase ng hapon ngayon kaya pagkatapos ng aming lunchbreak ay uuwi na ako upang gumayak para sa site visit na ini-schedule ni Legend ngayong araw.

And as always, kasabay kong naglalakad palabas ng school si Kimpoy habang pinag-uusapan namin ang aming nalalapit na examinations.

Di pa man kami tuluyang nakakalabas ng school ay nakasalubong namin si Otep. He’s wearing his nerdy glasses and the time he caught my eyes, he changed directions and is now walking towards us.

“Kapatid mo..” anunsyo ni Kimpoy sa tabi ko kahit alam ko naman na.

Lumapit ito sa akin at parang kataka-takang nasa harapan niya ako ngayon.

“Where are you staying?” tanong nito, as if he’s concerned about it.

“Like you care? Pinalayas ako ni Mama, thanks to the drugs she found on my stuff that weren’t even mine.” I killed him with my stares, noon pa man ay hindi kami nagkasundo.

Alam kong ampon siya pero kung umasta’y parang siya pa ang totoong anak. I don’t have anything against adopted children, at sinubukan ko noon na ituring siyang kapatid pero hindi ganoon ang tingin niya sa akin. Siya rin ang lumason sa utak ni Mama upang itakwil ako nito.

“Pinagbibintangan mo bang ako ang may gawa nun?” aniya na sarkastiko ang ngiti sa labi.

Why is he suddenly so defensive? May sinabi ba akong ganoon?

“Well, I’m not saying it was you. Nagtataka lang ako dahil hindi naman talaga sakin nanggaling iyon, and who else would be possible?”

Kitang-kita ko ang linya ng ugat na lumabas sa kanyang leeg. I know it was him. I’m just provoking the hell outta him.

“You know what, simula nang nawala ka sa bahay naging payapa na ang buhay namin. Your disappearance is actually a good thing. Ngayon, malaya ka nang gawin ang lahat ng gusto mo. And please, don’t ever come back.” matigas na pagkakasabi niya saka ako tinalikuran.

I got so pissed off. But I let my anger subside. Wala rin naman akong planong bumalik. Maayos na ang buhay ko ngayon. It hurts to know that they’re happy without my presence, pero kung doon sila masaya ay wala na akong pakialam. I was even thankful that they threw me out of that house, because I was able to meet good people.

Speaking of good people, paglabas namin ng gate ay napansin ko ang isang SUV na nakapark sa malapit. Mayroong matandang lalaking pormado ang nakatayo sa tapat nito.

“Hayaan mo na ’yung kuya mong ’yun. He’s an idiot.” inakbayan ako ni Kimpoy at saka sinuri ang hitsura ko kung iritado ba ako.

“I know.”

As we walk the vicinity, the old man approached me.

“Riley Alveo.” tawag nito sa pangalan ko.

“Excuse me?” napaturo pa ako sa sarili kung ako ba ang tinutukoy niya. Nagkatinginan kami ni Kimpoy sa kalituhan.

“Ako po si Dante, driver ni Sir Legend.” napanganga ako nang makilala ang binanggit niyang pangalan.

Bumalik ang mga mata ko sa nakapark na SUV, hinatak nung Dante ang pintuan upang buksan ito. Bumungad sa harapan namin ang naka-business attire na si Leviticus and he’s wearing sunglasses. I was almost drooling in front of him, anyway he wouldn’t be able to know it though.

“Sinusundo na po namin kayo para diretso na sa site.” dagdag pa ni Dante.

Gumalaw ang ulo ni Leviticus at saka dumapo ang line of sight sa amin.

“What the fuck is going on, Rile?” there’s a sarcastic smile plastered on Kimpoy’s face like he couldn’t believe what he’s seeing.

“U-Uhm…” I can’t find the words to say.

I told him I was staying with my non-existent aunt. Wala silang alam tungkol sa katotohanan na tumutuloy ako sa isang magarang bahay.

I did not even expect Leviticus to show up here at my school. He’s just making a scene, luminga-linga ako sa paligid at may ilang taong nakakakita sa amin.

“Riley..” baritonong boses ni Leviticus, of course he can sense I’m here like he always do.

Napapikit ako sa kaba. Hinawi ko ang balikat ni Kimpoy upang maagaw ko ang paningin niya.

“Look, I-I need to go. H-He’s a friend..”

Even though Leviticus in front of us with all this business attire won’t help him look friendly at all. He obviously looks like a high-class individual and everybody would think what am I doing with a person like him.

“A friend? Kailan ka pa nagkaroon ng kaibigan na negosyan—”

“I’ll explain it next time, promise. I gotta go. See you!” niyakap ko siya at saka pumasok sa loob ng sasakyan.

Dante closed the doors. I can see Kimpoy’s overall confused face outside the tinted windows. I sighed bigtime. It feels like I’m gonna need to prepare a damn explanation tomorrow when I go back to school.

Sa kakaisip ko sa nangyari ay hindi ko napansing katabi ko nga pala si Leviticus. Tinignan ko siya. I can see his eyes behind the glasses.

“Was that your friend?” he started the conversation although I’m not yet in the mood to chat.

“Y-Yeah, hindi ko naman akalaing susunduin mo ako. It could’ve have been better if you told me, though.” napalingon siya sa aking gawi dahil sa sinabi ko.

He coughed for a moment.

“You don’t like me showing up at your school, is that what you’re trying to say?” aniya saka niya binasa ang ibabang labi.

I looked away and tried to fix my eyes to the front.

“What I’m trying to say is you could have told me. In that way, no one will see us..” I uttered without thinking.

“I’m sorry, but you’re telling me you’re ashamed of me being seen at your school? Is that it?” mas nakuha ko ang buong atensyon niya dahil sa hindi ko sinasadyang banggitin.

This is one of my flaws, walang filter ang bibig ko. At kadalasan na lang ay nasasabi ko ang mga bagay na gusto kong sabihin, without even thinking if it’s good or bad.

“H-Hindi sa ganon, Levi.” I said confidently. Hindi ko naman siya ikinakahiya. It’s just that people will get confused if they see me with a man like him. It just don’t fit with their eyes, I think. He’s on top, while I’m struggling at the bottom of society.

“I get it. You don’t like to be seen with a blind man like me.”

“That is not true, Leviticus.” agap ko sa huling mga katagang binitawan niya.

He looks so depressed, suddenly. Nakonsensya tuloy ako bigla. Hindi naman sumagi sa utak ko ang huling sinabi niya. Never. Not in a million years.

Umayos ako sa pagkakaupo. Hindi ko na inalala kung naririnig kami ni Dante na abala sa pagmamaneho. I faced Leviticus and I removed his sunglasses. Why is he even wearing this?

I held his face to look at me. Pinakatitigan ko siya. I focused on his irises. His intense and stormy eyes yet there has a dreamy essence at the same time. It wasn’t even a complete description, tho.

“Your eyes are one of the most beautiful things I have seen, Lev. I am not and will not be ashamed of it. Okay?”

Nagtagal ang mga kamay ko sa kanyang mukha. Now, he’s staring at me like he wasn’t blind at all. I felt like struck by a lightning. This man is just so… he’s so gentle.. and fragile.. and vulnerable.. and it’s annoying the hell out of me because I don’t wanna hurt him.. being with him feels like I can break him.. and it’s scary..

Silence filled the air. Ang hinubad kong sunglasses niya ay hindi na niya isinuot pang muli. I hate seeing him cover his eyes, though.

Hindi ko na nabilang ang oras na lumipas, namalayan ko nalang ang paghinto ng sasakyan sa isang basement. The light is dim, Dante went out of the car. Naiwan kaming dalawa sa loob, no one’s moving.

Until it felt awkward, kumilos na ako at binuksan ang pintuan ng sasakyan sa aking gilid ngunit hindi ako tuluyang nakalabas nang hatakin ni Leviticus ang aking kamay. Halos bumangga ako sa kanyang katawan.

“L-Lev..”

I heard his rigid breathing. Ilang lunok ang aking nagawa. I don’t know why I got so tensed.

“Did you mean what you said?” kanyang tanong na hindi ko kaagad nakuha.

“W-Which part?”

Ang paghinga ko’y sumisikip na dahil sa sobrang lapit namin sa isa’t isa, at ang mahirap ay ako lang yata ang nakapansin nito. He doesn’t care if we’re this goddamn close.

“About my eyes..”

Wait, did he keep on thinking about it the whole time?

“It’s true.. Your eyes are wonderful. And can you please not cover it with that glasses?” with a bit of suggestion, I hope I didn’t sound too intrusive.

He chuckled softly and smirked for I don’t know reason.

“Alright, as you say..” he let me go as we went out of the SUV.

The tension that I’m feeling didn’t falter. Hinatid kami ni Dante hanggang sa elevator saka ito bumalik sa sasakyan. Naiwan ako kay Leviticus habang hinihintay namin ang pagbukas ng elevator.

“Have you kissed a man, Riley?”

I was staring at nowhere when he asked that question. My jaw dropped as I repeat the words on my mind.

“W-What?”

He shifted from his stature and faced me. I suddenly noticed the pining expression on his face, like yearning for something unattainable.

“I’m asking, if you have already kissed a man?”

Nanalangin akong magbukas na ang elevator doors upang makawala sa tensyong bumabalot sa akin.

“Y-Yeah, a lot of times..” walang pakundangang sagot ko upang matigil na siya. “Well, have you?” naisipan kong ipasa sa kanya ang tanong upang mailihis sa akin ang atensyon.

The elevator doors finally opened. Pumasok kami sa loob at saka tinanong sa kanya ang floor number bago ito pindutin. While I was thinking a while ago how to escape the tension outside, now that we are inside the elevator I didn’t expect the tension to get stronger.

Caged inside a man like him made it more intense..

The elevator started to move upwards. Nakayuko ako nang mapansin ang paglapit ni Leviticus sa akin. I was speechless when he was able to pin me beside the wall. Ang mga salitang gusto kong sabihin ay naglaho na parang bula. Para akong napipi.

Sa tangkad niya’y lumebel pa siya sa akin at saka kinapa ang aking mukha. He traced my lips using his thumb finger and no questions asked, he claimed my lips..

Something inside my stomach flutter. The kiss was so heavenly, although it was just gentle but it was full of desire.. Naramdaman ko ang paglambot ng aking mga binti, para akong nanghihina.

After the kiss, he licked his lips mercilessly.

“There, I just kissed a man..”

Chapter 9 [Trapped]

Walang makakapantay sa ingay ng matinding kabog ng aking dibdib sa ngayon. Maging ang aking utak at puso’y nagwawala na sa loob ng aking katawan, animo’y gustong kumawala sa kinalalagyan nito.

It was the kiss. The elevator kiss that is making me insane and driving me crazy. It wasn’t supposed to happen. Hindi dapat iyon maaari. But he kissed me. Leviticus kissed me! What does that mean?

“You need anything? Coffee, tea, juice?” hindi ko napansin ang babaeng bob-cut ang buhok ang lumapit sa akin.

I bet she’s the secretary.

“Uhmm, I-I’m fine. Thank you.” tugon ko upang hindi na ito mag-abala pa.

I noticed Legend gazed on my direction and called the secretary’s attention.

“Get him a drink and something to eat, Liz..” he ordered then looked at me.

Balak ko pa sanang pigilan ang babaeng sekretarya ngunit nawala na ito sa paningin ko.

Oddly, I am sitting on the CEO’s desk while watching Leviticus and Legend talk about business on the meeting area. There is a snake plant on the left side beside the outdoor view. Malaki ang espasyo ng opisina. Above the desk is a golden nameplate of the CEO, Leviticus Amedeo Torralba at sa ibaba ay nakasulat ang Torralba Builders, Inc.

Bumalik ang sekretarya at saka ako nito nginitian. She placed a cup of coffee and a piece of bagle in front of me.

“Thanks.”

Tinitigan ko lang iyong pagkain. I can hear Legend, Levi, and other two guys discussing about something important. I’m not even sure why did they ask me to come here. But I’m thinking Legend’s into something that he’s not telling me.

Ilang minuto ang lumipas ay umalis na ang dalawang lalaki. Ang isa’y napatingin pa sa aking gawi. Naiwan ang magkapatid na parehong nakaupo sa couch. Hindi ko magawang titigan ng matagal si Leviticus, because looking at him just bring back memories.

Memories in that damn elevator!

Saglit na lumapit sa akin si Legend upang kumustahin ako.

“Later, I’ll have Liz tour you around so you won’t get bored. We’ll be in another batch of meeting, Riley. Ayos ka lang ba rito?” ininom ko ang aking kape saka siya tiningala.

Legend is tall, so as his older brother. And Legend is naturally charming, he looks like a baby. Leviticus on the other hand, looks like a daddy. Oh, scratch that! Why would I even bother thinking about it?

“I’m good. But…uhmm..” lumingon ako sa gawi ni Leviticus na nakaupo pa rin sa hindi kalayuang couch at may kausap sa telepono.

I cleared my throat before saying something.

“Can you tell me the real reason why you brought me here? I mean, I really appreciate this visit but I don’t think that’s the only reason, S-Sir..” nahiya pa akong tingnan siya ng matagal ngunit ngiti lang ang nabasa ko sa mukha niya.

Mas lumapit siya sa aking kinauupuan at saka itinukod ang kanyang dalawang kamay sa desk. His eyes and his curly hair made him look so innocent.

“You can just call me Legend, Riley.”

I was mesmerized a bit looking at his eyes. Of course, he and his brother share the same DNA and maybe that’s the reason why I am feeling this way. They are both sending chills down my spine and not everybody’s capable of doing that.

“It would be inappropriate.” tugon ko bilang hindi pagsang-ayon sa kanya.

“You’re calling my brother on his first name, so how am I different with him?” he blinked consecutively and flashed his million dollar smile.

Bakit ba napakabait ng magkapatid na ito? Parang noong nagpaulan si lord ng kabaitan ay sinalo nilang lahat. I just feel weird because most of the people I’ve met were not as good as them.

“F-Fine, Legend.”

Umupo siya sa edge ng desk at saka binigay sa akin ang kanyang buong atensyon. Saglit siyang sumilip sa likuran kung nasaan ang kanyang kapatid na abala pa rin sa kausap sa kabilang linya.

“Levi, my brother… since the accident, he never visited the site.. he’s not ready yet to be seen by his people in this state.. I’ve always tried to set a schedule but he always declines it.. and now is the first time again that he visited his company..” pahayag niya sa mahinang boses upang hindi marinig ng kapatid.

“So I asked you… to accompany him..” dugtong niya.

I can’t still understand why didn’t he ask other people, why me? Anong maitutulong ko sa kapatid niya?

“B-Bakit ako?”

The expression on his face didn’t change. Like he’s already expecting that question from me.

“Because he needs someone with him.. someone he trusts.. and I thought you perfectly fit the role.. and I was right..”

Tinapik niya ang aking balikat at saka binalikan si Leviticus. Nang matapos sila ay lumabas na kami ng opisina. As Legend mentioned, they have a lot of meetings today and they left me with Liz.

“We’ll come back to you after. Kapag natagalan kami, you can just wait in the office, okay?” paalala ni Legend bago ako iwan kay Liz.

I did not look at Leviticus or see his face or his expression or whatever. Mas mabuti ito sa ngayon upang hindi ko na muna siya problemahin.

As they walk away, napansin ko ang pagsunod ng tingin ni Liz sa magkapatid na papalayo na sa aming direksyon.

“Should we go?” kinuha ko ang kanyang pansin ngunit inismiran pa ako nito.

“I’m sorry, what’s your name again?” sarkastikong tanong nito.

“Riley.. Riley Alv—”

“Okay, Riley I’m gonna leave you to Rax. He’s an engineer and I’m sure you’ll get along with each other.” nakangiti siya habang nagsasalita pero alam kong hindi ito sinsero.

“W-Who’s Rax? I thought Legend tol—”

“Look, I’m an executive assistant and it is not in my job description to babysit you. I’ll call Rax and you will stay here, got it?” she stood so proud and speaks confidently in front of me. Napakalayo sa behavior na ipinakita niya kanina noong dinalhan niya ako ng pagkain.

And what did she say? Babysit? Do I look like a toddler to her?

“Excuse me? Babys—”

“No, sweetie.. You don’t get to talk.” inilapat pa niya ang kanyang daliri sa aking bibig.

“Okay, whatever you say.” labas sa ilong kong bulong at saka umirap sa ere.

And then she took out her phone and called someone, maybe the Rax she’s talking about.

Naglakad-lakad ako pansamantala sa gitna ng pasilyo. I can see other offices, may mga dumadaang empleyado na madalas ay napapatingin sa aking gawi. May kumpol pa ng mga kalalakihan ang nagtatawanan habang pasimpleng tumitingin sa aking direksyon. I looked behind where Liz is, maybe they are talking about her?

Lumipas ang ilang segundo ay binalikan ako ni Liz. Nauna siyang maglakad at sinundan ko lamang ang mga hakbang niya. There are open cubicles, kaya karamihan ng madadaanan namin ay napapatingin sa amin. It feels like they are not used to seeing a new face in this place.

“See that guy? He’s Rax, go to him. He already knows what to do with you.” Liz stopped from walking and she points a guy sitting in one of the cubicles.

Hindi ako nabigyan ng pagkakataong magpasalamat sa kanya dahil tinalikuran na agad niya ako. Napailing na lamang ako at saka nagtungo doon sa tinutukoy niya.

“Uhm, excuse me?” nasa likuran ako noong lalaki, nakatutok ito sa monitor ng kanyang computer at nang marinig ang boses ko’y umikot ito at saka ako hinarap.

He stopped for a moment, like he’s checking me out or something, or maybe I am just assuming. Whatever!

“You need anything?” tanong nito.

He looks so young, but good-looking though. Makapal ang kilay nito at maputi rin. Sa paraan ng pagtitig niya sa akin ay nakaramdam ako ng kaunting pagkailang dahil parang pinag-aaralan niya ang kabuuan ko.

“I’m Riley, Liz said that you’re gonna help me?”

Hindi siya tumigil sa pagtitig sa akin. Maya-maya ay umayos ito sa pagkakaupo at saka humalukipkip. He’s lean and a bit muscular, inalis ko ang mata ko sa tela ng kanyang kasuotan nang mapansin niya akong nakatitig doon.

“Liz? Oh, you are Rodney the visitor, right?” napakunot ako ng noo sa tanong niya.

“My name is Riley, not Rodney. And yes, I’m the one she’s talking about.” payak akong ngumiti sa kanya.

But he smirked playfully like he’s into something evil.

“I’m just kidding, nice meeting you Riley. My name is Raxwell Salviejo. But you can call me Rax or baby or whatever you like..” saka ito walang hesistasyong naglahad ng kamay.

Alright, flirt alert. Now, I understand why did Liz put me up with this guy. She said we’ll get along with each other, but I am not letting that happen since he’s a flirt.

“Thanks. Riley Alveo.” tinanggap ko ang kamay niya ngunit tumagal ang handshake ng isang minuto. I let go of his hand because I am fully aware of what is going on.

Tumayo siya sa kanyang kinauupuan. Sapat ang tangkad niya sa kanyang edad. But I think he’s a lot younger than me. May kinuha siyang ilang folders at saka ako pinasunod sa kanya.

We walked the aisle and for old time’s sake, people are looking at us, or just me. Habang naglalakad kami ay tinuturo niya ang bawat department na nadadaanan namin. He even introduced me to some of the employees.

“That is Felipe Rodriguez, one of the architects..” using his finger, he pointed the man in a uniform few meters from our distance.

“I heard you’re an engineer?” tanong ko sa kanya. Naagaw ko ang tingin niya at saka na naman ngumisi.

“Yeah, just got my license last year. You did some research about me, huh?” muli kaming naglakad. May nadaanan kaming lalaking mataba at saka niya ibinigay ang mga folders na bitbit.

“No, narinig ko lang.” bawi ko, nag-iingat na magbanggit ng anumang ikakapahamak ko.

“How about you, what are you into? Are you gonna work here?” dinala niya ako sa kanilang pantry.

He went to the coffee maker and poured himself a cup of coffee. Ipinagtimpla niya rin ako.

“I’m into finance, pero nag-aaral pa ako. I was just asked to visit here…” huminto ako upang pag-isipan kung sasabihin ko ba na kakilala ko ang boss nila o baka hindi nalang.

“Really? We’re hardly having visitors onsite that’s why we might get surprised if we see a new face around. But don’t worry, you can always come to me, I’m cool. And I don’t bite..” biro niya saka ngumisi.

This is the kind of guy that I meet mostly at school. I sighed at the idea.

“So are you top or bottom?” biglaang tanong nito na ikinagulat ko. Napaso pa ang labi ko habang humihigop ng kape.

I don’t know if I heard him right.

“Sorry, what?”

I heard him chuckle.

“Forget it, I think I know the answer to that.” aniya na hindi inaalis ang kanyang ngisi.

Lumabas kami ng pantry. Hindi kalayuan ay namataan ko sina Legend at Leviticus na palabas sa isang opisina. May kasunod silang isang lalaki.

“And that is the owner, Leviticus Torralba with his brother Legend Torralba. I didn’t know he is here, it’s been a long time.” nagtataka nitong banggit habang nakatingin rin sa tinitignan ko.

“Who’s the other guy?” I asked pertaining to the man behind them.

The other guy looks just around my age, he looks rough and rugged. Sumunod ito sa magkapatid.

“That is Siam Montenegro, one of the board members.” tugon niya habang pinagmamasdan ko iyong lalaki.

Raxwell toured me around the other places on the site. Pinaliwanag rin niya ang ilang gawain at projects nilang nakalinya. Even though I don’t really understand all of it, but he insists on telling it so I just listened to him blabber.

Natapos kami pagkatapos ng isang oras. Hinatid niya ako hanggang sa kanyang cubicle. Nakasukbit ang kanyang dalawang kamay sa loob ng bulsa ng kanyang pantalon.

“So when will I get to see you again?” he asked, never removing the trademark smirk on his face.

“I don’t know, actually. But thanks anyway for today.” pagpapasalamat ko sa kanya.

Maybe this is the last time I’ll see him.

“It’s my pleasure. So… did I earn the chance to get your number?” the expression on his face intensified.

“H-Huh?”

Mas lumapit siya sa akin. Kalkulado ko na dapat ang galaw ng mga lalaking katulad niya, ramdam ko ang kakaibang motibo niya, pero hindi ko naihanda ang sarili ko kung sakaling lumagpas sila sa linya. Exact same thing that happened in the elevator. I wasn’t ready. But do I get the chance to be ready?

“Your number, so that we can still communicate. I like you, Riley..” anunsyo niyang hindi ko inaasahan.

No. He can’t like me this instant. That is so quick. And I’m not ready. I’m not even hopeful for a relationship or even let a person in.

Sa huli ay binigay ko na lamang ang aking numero sa kanya. It’s just a number anyway, I can decide not to respond once he sends me a message. He seems like a good but straight forward guy, and he’s rough..but he’s young.. too young for me..

Nasa labas ako ng pintuan ng opisina ni Leviticus nang bumukas ito at bumungad sa akin ang palabas na magkapatid. Legend was suprised seeing me, his brother is behind him.

“How was the tour?” pangungumusta ni Legend.

Leviticus’ head raised up when he got the hint that Legend is talking to me.

“It was good. I enjoyed it.” maikling tugon ko sa nakangiting si Legend.

Pinagsalikop niya ang kanyang dalawang kamay. Aniya’y tapos na ang kanilang meeting. Sinabayan niya kami papunta sa elevator.

“So I’ll expect another visit from you, Lev. Maybe next week?” hinihintay namin ang pagbukas ng elevator upang makaalis na kami sa lugar na ito at makauwi na.

I heard Leviticus sighed slowly. We’re still not able to talk after the elevator scene. Maybe, it was just nothing to him. It was just a kiss, nothing too special about it. Maybe I was the only one overthinking about it.

“I’ll give you a call, Legend. Stop bugging me.”

The elevator doors opened. Tinapik ni Legend ang balikat ng kanyang kapatid at saka tumingin sa akin.

“See you again, Riley. Take care of my brother.” paalala niya na ikinabahala ko.

“W-Wait, you’re not going with us?” I asked, hoping for a different answer, the answer that I want to hear.

“Nahh, I have to stay here, kailangan ako rito. Dante is waiting on the basement to get you home safely.” sagot niya.

Napanganga ako at napamura sa aking isipan. I thought Legend is going with us. So I’ll be stuck with his older brother once again? Inside t-this.. traumatic elevator again?

“P-Pero.. I’ll be cooking a dinner for us. M-Maybe, you can go with us tonight..” pagkumbinsi ko sa nagtatakang si Legend.

Leviticus cleared his throat and we both looked at him. But he never speak a word.

“I think I’ll just stay here, Riley. I still have to write up reports for this week. I appreciate the offer, but maybe next time I can visit you guys..”

Napabuntong hininga ako ng malala. I know I’m used to being stuck with Levi but how do I act calmly after t-that.. elevator kiss? Shoot!

“Good decision, Leg..” Levi answered out of nowhere, napatingin kaming pareho sa kanya. Nauna siyang pumasok sa elevator.

Legend winked at me and walked away after. Nakatitig ako sa harapan ng nakabukas na elevator kung nasaan ang naghihintay na si Leviticus. Damn, when did I get scared of riding elevators?

“Riley..” tawag niya nang maramdamang hindi pa rin ako gumagalaw sa aking kinatatayuan.

Kasing-bigat ng aking nararamdaman ang paghakbang na ginawa ko. Kagat-kagat ang labi, I pressed the button to the basement.

The elevator doors closed.

Leviticus is behind my back. Tulala ako at alerto sa kung anumang mangyayari. Walang ibang maririnig kundi ang mabagal na pagbaba ng elevator. Bakit parang bumagal ang oras?

But I can hear his breathing. Wait..

Lumingon ako saglit at napansin ang sobrang lapit na distansya ni Leviticus sa akin. Did not notice until I looked back. The elevator is very spacious but we’re so goddamn close to each other. What is going on?

“You’re tensed.. what is it, Riley?” tumalon ang puso ko nang magsalita siya.

I closed my eyes for a moment to calm myself down.

“No, I’m not.” sagot ko.

“Yeah, you do..”

“No, I am never tensed.” still denying it.

“You are, Riley. I can feel it.”

“Then what you feel is wrong.”

“I’m never wrong about my feelings, Riley.”

I can’t do this. He’s just always right, and I hate it. I hate that he’s always right.

“This is about the kiss..” he said as a conclusion to all of my denials.

The frustration is killing me. Hindi ko magawang sumagot. As much as I like to refute him and his feelings, I’ll still lose the argument.

He held my arm and my shoulder to face him. Muli kong nasilayan ang kanyang mapupungay na mga mata, at ang manipis niyang labi na nagbigay ng alaalang pilit kong ibinabaon sa limot.

I feel like I’m hyperventilating because of his touch, just a gentle touch but it created a damn restraint that drove me to distraction.

“It was not about the k-kiss, Lev.” muli kong pagtatanggi sa anumang naiisip niya.

“Then what is it?” his sensual whisper sent shivers down my whole body.

Wala akong naisagot. Tumagal ng isang minuto. I felt so hopeless and defenseless. He’s the only one who can make me feel like this.

I badly want to escape but we’re fucking trapped inside this… ughh why is this elevator taking so long?

“Why can’t you just tell me what you feel? because how you act is confusing me..” aniya sa nagsusumamong boses.

I don’t even know what I am feeling.

Finally, the elevator doors opened. Walang tao sa basement kaya’t nanatili kami sa loob. Binitiwan niya ang aking braso nang maramdamang tumigil na ang elevator.

I felt his presence diminishing.

“Sometimes I wish I could read your mind to find out how you really feel about me..” his final words before he left the elevator.

Sinalubong siya ni Dante nang mapansin ito. My feet were stuck and won’t move.

How I wish I could tell him everything but I am also clueless to what is going on. I’m always having a hard time sorting out my own feelings. Reason why I lost my previous relationships and lost the only family I have.

And maybe I stopped talking about how I felt because I knew no one cared anyway.

Chapter 10 [Friends]

Lumipas ang ilang araw na hindi kami nagkakausap ni Leviticus. Madalas ang naging pagbisita ni Legend sa bahay kung kaya’t hindi ko na rin sila halos nakakasalamuha. Minsan ay late na akong umuuwi galing sa school, nalalapit na kasi ang aming midterm examinations and since I suck at academics, I need to put more effort.

Madalas sa library ng school ako nag-aaral. Ngayong araw ay naisipan kong umuwi ng maaga at nagdesisyong sa bahay na lamang mag-aral.

It’s already eight in the evening. The lights are on, tahimik ang paligid pagkapasok ko sa bahay. Walang tao sa living room at kusina, binuksan ko ang sliding door patungong garden ngunit wala ring tao roon. Maybe, Leviticus is inside his room?

Hindi muna ako nagpasyang magbihis dahil malinis pa naman ang aking kasuotan at hindi naman ako pinagpawisan. Sa dining area ko napiling tumambay. Inayos ko ang mga review materials sa ibabaw ng malawak na dining table. Isinabay ko na ang pagkain sa aking pagbabasa.

There is a complete silence, minsan ay hindi ko maiwasang mawala sa aking binabasa. Anything will suddenly distract my attention, kahit tunog ng aking paghinga ay nadidistract ako. What is happening to me?

Pagkatapos kong kumain ng dinner ay nagtimpla ako ng kape. Huling-huli na ako sa inaaral dahil hindi na nga ako mabilis matuto, ang bilis ko pang mawala sa konsentrasyon.

Habang tinatapos kong basahin ang mga notes ko ay nakarinig ako ng yapak mula sa living room. Untimano akong natigilan at huminto sa ginagawa. I shook my head thinking it was just a delusion.

Ngunit nabahala ako nang sunud-sunod na ang yapak na aking naririnig. From my position in the dining area, I have a slight visual of the living room. Tumitig ako roon at napansin ang isang aninong gumagalaw.

Pigil ang hiningang hinintay ko ang paglabas nito. Nakahinga ako ng maluwag nang makita ang pigura ni Leviticus na tahimik na naupo sa sofa.

I looked down on the books and notes on the table. I tried so hard not to get eaten by distraction, nakailang ulit akong basahin ang aking libro ngunit hindi ito tumatatak sa aking utak. Muli akong lumingon kay Levi na prenteng nakaupo lang doon sa sofa, I don’t know what he’s doing but he’s just still.

He’s wearing a fitted white shirt and I don’t know what kind of clothing he wears below, ang natatanaw ko lang ay ang kalahati ng kanyang katawan. After a careful inspection, I realized why did I pay so much time and attention checking him out when I should be studying.

Since I met this man, I’m losing focus on everything. I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing.

I flipped the pages of the book I’m currently reading. Then flip another page, creating a sound that he might probably hear from his location. I flipped more pages of the book, by now he should notice the noise but he didn’t move from his seat. Akala ko ba malakas ang kanyang pakiramdam? I even stared at him for two minutes, but he didn’t move his head.

What the hell is happening?

Bumuntong-hininga ako dahil pakiramdam ko ay mababaliw na ako. Bumalik na lang ako sa pag-aaral ngunit hindi na talaga gumagana ng maayos ang aking utak. Ang katinuan ko ay napunta na kung saan.

Nang maburyo ako ay niligpit ko ang mga gamit ko. Sa inis ay kinuha ko ang isang libro at sadyang hinulog ko ito sa sahig para lumikha ng ingay. Pagkatapos ay inabangan ko ang kanyang magiging reaksyon ngunit wala pa rin!

What the hell is really going on?

Pinulot ko ang libro sa sahig at saka nagtungo sa living room kung nasaan siya. While walking, pinagmasdan ko ang ginagawa niya. May hawak siyang folder at parang may binabasa roon gamit ang kanyang mga daliri. I suddenly remembered the braille system he told me before that lets him read.

Nilagpasan ko siya at padabog na umakyat sa grand staircase. I made sure that every footstep would create a squeaking sound, I stopped in the middle of the stairs and checked his reaction. He’s emotionless when I saw him. I didn’t get the reaction that I’m expecting and it made me feel like I don’t exist at all.

He’s unusually like this.

Bumalik ako sa ibaba at nilapitan siya. Umupo ako sa kabilang sofa at ipinatong ang bitbit na kagamitan sa isang mababang circular table. I focused my sight just on him.

“What are you doing?” walang pigil kong tanong, kunwaring interesado sa kanyang ginagawa.

He didn’t speak a word. May problema ba kaming hindi ko nalalaman?

“Leviticus.. ayaw mo na ba akong kausapin?” I watched the expression on his face.

I understand if he doesn’t want to talk to me, but at least acknowledge my existence would be fine with me. Nalungkot ako sa naisip na ideya. Maybe he got tired of me.

After five seconds, he stopped from what he’s doing and raised his head. Quickly, he licked his lower lip looking pissed off.

“What do you want me to say?” he mocked, ang kanyang panga ay umiigting na.

Base sa tono ng kanyang boses, nakumpirma kong mayroon ngang problema sa aming dalawa. Hindi ako nakaimik. Nahihiya naman akong tanungin sa kanya ng direkta kung anong problema niya sa akin.

I’ll just get hurt if I provoke him.

“You’ve been avoiding me for almost a week, and now you’re expecting me to say something when it’s obvious that you don’t want to talk.” pahayag niya, hindi ngumingiti ngunit mas lalong nadepina ang ugat sa kanyang leeg.

Hindi ko naalalang mag-iisang linggo na rin pala na hindi kami halos nagkikita at nakakapag-usap. And he’s pissed off because of that?

“I’ve been studying for the exams, late na rin ako minsan nakakauwi.” pangangatwiran ko, totoo naman iyon. Ang kasalanan ko siguro’y hindi ko nagawang magpaalam sa kanya. But do I need to?

“For a week? Gigising ako sa umaga na wala ka. And you’re always going home late. Clearly, it’s still about the kiss. Are you mad that I kissed you?” aniya na mukhang hindi na nakatiis na sabihin iyon.

Pumungay ang kanyang mga mata. He put down the book he’s holding to focus himself on me.

Hindi ko alam kung anong isasagot sa tanong niya. I’ve rarely seen him this upset, ang unang beses na nakita ko siyang ganito ay iyong una naming pagkikita.

“You’re mad..” aniya na parang nabasa ang laman ng aking isipan ngunit nagkakamali siya roon.

“No, I’m not. Hindi ako galit, Levi..” agap ko bago pa man lumala ang kanyang iniisip tungkol sa nararamdaman ko.

“Then why are you avoiding me, Riley?” diretsong tanong niya.

Hindi ako muling nakaimik. It’s true that I tried to avoid him because of the kiss but not because I got mad but because I don’t know how to act or remain calm around him remembering how his lips felt with mine. I had experience kissing boys before but with him it’s totally different. And I can’t explain why.

“I wish I had the power to ignore you like you ignore me..” aniya.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It was just a kiss but I feel so affected. Maybe it was the way he kissed me, or maybe the person who did it? Hindi ko na alam.

I feel like I wanna do it again but at the same time it feels so forbidden. When he kissed me, there are living demons inside me that vanished. I was saved. When I felt his lips, I felt like I existed. Like for the first time, I existed.

“Yes, i-it was because of the kiss.. pero hindi ako galit dahil doon..” nangapa ako ng mga salita na makakapag-larawan ng tunay at eksaktong nararamdaman ko.

He shifted from his seat, nakatukod na ang kanyang mga siko sa kanyang tuhod, earneastly waiting for more explanation from me.

“If you don’t like it, just say and I won’t do it again.” aniya sa nagsusumamong boses.

“It’s not that..” banggit ko, napapikit ako nang masabi ang mga salitang iyon.

Now, there’s a lot of confusion on his face. Nakakunot ang kanyang noo, hindi malaman ang ibig kong mangyari.

“Then what is it, Riley?”

Frustration enveloped me. Nangatal na ang labi ko at hindi na makuha ang mga tamang salita. Para akong magha-hyperventilate. Naubusan na ako ng sasabihin o gagawin, namalayan ko na lamang ang paghatak ko sa likod ng kanyang ulo at hinalikan siya.

My eyes opened after realization hits me. Once again, I felt the sweetness of his lips. Binitiwan ko siya, naabutan ko pa siyang nakapikit.

Out of anxiety, I stood up and ran towards the stairs. What was that, Riley? Did you just kiss him for the second time? No! It was him who initiated the kiss the first time!

Kinabukasan ay nagpasalamat ako at maaga akong nagising kahit na hirap na hirap akong patulugin ang sarili kagabi dahil sa nangyari. It’s just 4AM, alas otso pa naman ang oras ng pasok ko sa school pero mas mabuti nang agahan ko.

Nagshower ako at gumayak. Pagbukas ko ng pintuan ng aking kwarto, huminga muna ako ng malalim at bumuga ng hininga. I checked the time on my phone, it’s 5AM. Too early but I need to get out of here now.

Masaya akong bumaba ng hagdan ngunit naiwan sa ere ang paa ko nang mamataan si Leviticus na nakaupo sa sofa sa living room, his legs are crossed while sipping on his cup of tea. Bahagyang basa rin ang kanyang buhok mula sa pagligo.

You’ve got to be shitting me!

Why did he get up so early? Hindi ganito ang oras ng gising niya, unless… he’s expecting my escape plan?

Pressing my lips to bottle up my emotions, I carefully tiptoed down the stairs. Dalawang baitang na lang ang hahakbangin ko nang marinig ko siyang magsalita.

“Your breakfast is waiting in the kitchen..”

I rolled my eyes secretly. Gumising siya ng maaga para lang abangan ako? Normally, when I go to school hindi na kami nagkikita sa umaga. This is the first time we’ve seen each other this early.

“Sa school na ako magbi-breakfast, Lev. I need to go..” nilagpasan ko siya at nagmadali akong maglakad patungo sa pintuan upang tumakas.

Pinihit ko ang doorknob ngunit nagtaka ako nang ayaw nitong bumukas. I tried multiple times to unlock the door but it won’t let me.

“Lev, what’s going on? Bakit hindi ko mabuksan itong pinto?” nanatili ako sa tapat ng pintuan at saka nilingon siya.

I don’t know if it was just me but I saw a quick beam of smile on his face and then immediately hid it.

“You’re not getting out unless you eat your breakfast here.”

What the.. So he really did something to freakingly lock this door! I can’t think of any exit doors aside from the main door, I’m fucked up.

“Okay! Fine! Kakain ako!” padabog kong tinapon ang backpack ko sa sofa at saka nagtungo sa kusina.

Sa dining area ay natagpuan ko ang pagkaing naka-prepara na. Poached eggs, bacons, hotdogs, pancakes, hot choco, sobrang dami nito! Did he prepare all of these?

“Skipping meal is a bad habit, Riley. Kakain ka sa ayaw o gusto mo.” aniya na sumunod pala sa akin, nakasandal siya sa pader habang humihigop sa kanyang tsaa.

Well, I don’t have any other choice but to eat. It’s not a bad thing though, but eating while he’s watching me is such a disturbance. Bumabalik ang alaala tungkol sa ginawa ko kagabi.

I kissed him because of my insanity. Now, it’s so clear to him that I didn’t get mad when he first kissed me. Probably, he’s thinking that I even liked it.

Habang nasa gitna ako ng pagkain ay tinawagan pa niya si Legend at nag-usap ng tungkol sa trabaho.

“I’ll be on the site later, anong oras ka uuwi?” tanong niya sakin pagkatapos ng pag-uusap nila ng kanyang kapatid.

“I don’t know, baka hindi na ako umuwi…” sarkastikong sagot ko dahil sa inis na pinaghihigpitan niya ako. He’s treating me like a kid and I hate it.

“What did you say?” ang baritonong boses niya ay mas lumalim.

“Nothing. I’ll probably be home around six.” tugon ko upang matigil na siya.

Ininom ko ang hot choco at pagkatapos ay niligpit ang pinagkainan. Nilagay ko sa fridge ang mga natirang pagkain.

“I’ll be here by five.” aniya, ibig sabihin ay mas mauuna siyang makauwi. Of course, he’s doing this to monitor me.

“You have my number so you can call me if you’re already out of school.” dagdag pa niya.

I groaned, is he giving me a curfew? Hindi naman siya ganito noon ah? What happened?

“Why? Why are you doing all of this, Leviticus? Kulang nalang ay bigyan mo ako ng curfew.” hindi ko napigilang itanong sa kanya iyon.

“You’re staying in my house and you’re being paid as well, so I’m responsible of you. I need to know your whereabouts every hour.” napanganga ako dahil exaggerated na masyado itong pagiging istrikto niya.

“Every hour? Are you crazy?”

Pakiramdam ko ay magulang ko siya dahil sa mga ginagawa niyang ito. Hindi naman ako nainform na tatay ko na pala siya ngayon!

“Yeah, so call me or else I’ll call you.”

Napailing-iling ako. He’s gone insane. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit kailangan niyang gawin ito. He can be responsible for my well-being but he doesn’t need to put a leash on me.

“Whatever.”

Lumabas ako ng kusina at kinuha ko ang gamit ko sa sofa. Binalikan ko siya ng tingin, nakapamulsa siya habang naglalakad patungo sa kinaroroonan ko. He’s just wearing a loose white shirt and grey shorts, maging ang malagong balahibo sa kanyang mga binti ay napansin ko.

He has enough height for his beefy body. This man is so close to perfection, I must say.

“Behave at school, Riley..” aniya na ngumisi pa ng nakakairita.

He’s really treating me like a kid.

“Yeah, dad. Whatever.” tinalikuran ko siya at nakahinga ng maluwag nang sa wakas ay nabuksan ko ang pintuan.

Maaga akong nakarating sa school. Sa library ako unang nagtungo dahil may isang oras pa bago ang simula ng aming klase. Fifteen minutes before class, saka ako umalis doon. Naabutan ko sina Kimpoy at Gael sa classroom at gaya ng dati ay nag-aasaran ang dalawa.

“Good morning, Riless…” bati ni Kimpoy na sobrang lawak ng ngiti.

“Riley my loves!” tawag naman ni Gael na nakakuha ng atensyon ng iba naming kaklase. Nakakahiya talaga ’tong isang ito.

“Good morning.” nginitian ko lang silang dalawa saka umupo sa tabi ni Kimpoy.

“Galing dito ’yung kuya mo kanina, hinahanap ka yata.” bulong niya nang mailabas ko ang libro para makapagbasang muli. Next week na ang aming midterm examinations.

“Ano raw sabi?” nakakapagtaka, ano naman kayang pakay nun?

“Walang sinabi, sumilip lang e. Nung sigurong nakitang wala ka, umalis na.”

Nang sumapit ang lunchbreak ay si Kimpoy lamang ang nakasabay ko dahil may ensayo ng basketball sina Gael at Aston.

“So who’s that man?” nalito ako sa biglaang tanong niya habang sinisipsip ko ang biniling chuckie.

“Who?”

Kumibot ang kanyang labi animo’y hindi naniniwala na hindi ko alam kung sinong tinutukoy niya.

“Iyong gwapong lalaking nanundo sa’yo, it’s been days at ’di mo pa rin sinasabi kung sino. Boyfriend mo ba ’yun?” pinanlakihan ko siya ng mata saka luminga sa paligid.

Naalala kong hindi ko pa rin pala nasasabi sa kanya ang totoo. Sa lahat ng naging kaibigan ko, siya ang pinaka-pinagkakatiwalaan ko. Siguro, oras na para malaman niya ang katotohanan.

“No, he’s not. Naaala mo nung naglayas ako? I’ve been staying with him, and it was just out of luck. Nagkataon lang. He’s living alone, and he’s blind. And his brother pays me in return of taking care of him.” pahayag ko, upang kahit paano ay gumaan ang lahat ng mga iniisip ko.

Gulat at hindi makapaniwala ang reaksyon niya.

“W-What? Akala ko tumutuloy ka roon sa tiyahin mo? Gaya ng sabi mo?” I mentally slapped myself thinking about the lies I’ve told him.

Umiling ako.

“I lied, I’m sorry.”

Tumigil na siya ngayon sa pagkain. Ang buong atensyon ay nasa akin. Ibinahagi ko pa sa kanya ang lahat ng nangyari mula noong araw na lumayas ako at kung paano kami nagkakilala ni Leviticus.

“So you two are living together?” aniya sa malisyosong tono, umismid ako at sinamaan siya ng tingin.

“Siya ba ang may-ari ng Torralba Holdings?” tanong niya nang banggitin ko ang buong pangalan ni Levi.

I don’t know what he’s talking about.

“Hindi ko alam. What’s that?”

“Doon nagtatrabaho si Papa. It’s a holding company. Torralba, ’di ba?”

Tumango-tango ako. Never heard of it.

“I don’t think so, but he’s the owner of Torralba Builders, it’s a construction firm. Iyon ang pagkakaalam ko.”

Lumalim pa ang pag-uusap namin tungkol doon. Naghiwalay kami pagkatapos ng break dahil magkaiba na kami ng subject.

Natapos ang huling klase ng alas singko. Niligpit ko ang mga gamit ko. I remembered I told Levi that I’m gonna be home by six. May sapat na oras pa naman ako. Siguro’y nakauwi na rin siya sa bahay.

As I walk out of the room, nagtipa ako ng text kay Leviticus. For the sake of compliance dahil baka mas lalong mag-tantrums ang isang ’yun.

Me:

Going home now.

I hit the send button and then put my phone inside my pocket. Naglalakad ako palabas ng gate nang matanaw ko ang isang pamilyar na mukha.

“Rax?” I whispered.

He’s wearing a casual shirt and jacket, mukhang may hinihintay ito. Nang makita akong palapit sa kanya ay nabuhayan ito.

“There you are!” masayang bungad niya at saka ako nagulat sa pagyakap niya.

Naamoy ko ang pabango niya. Magkasing tangkad kami, he looks so good. Ang ibang estudyanteng nasa banda namin ay napapatingin sa kanya.

“May hinihintay ka?” I asked him, base sa gayak niya ay parang a-attend siya ng date.

His smile widened.

“Yeah, I’ve been waiting for you. You’re not returning my texts, I thought you’re busy so I visited.” aniya at pinagmasdan pa ang hitsura ng aming paaralan.

I don’t even know how did he know about my school, though.

“You waited for me? Anong meron?” tinuro ko pa ang sarili ko upang makatiyak kung ako ba talaga ang pakay niya.

“Yeahhh.. we’re going out.. I hope you’re not busy today, nag-effort pa naman akong magpa-gwapo..” aniya saka ako inakbayan at dinala niya ako patungo sa kanyang sasakyan.

Inaamin kong hindi ako nagreply sa mga texts niya. Ayaw ko naman kasing paasahin siya. Ayaw ko ring umasa. But it wouldn’t hurt to be friends, right?

“Raxwell, I like you as a friend.” banggit ko upang maliwanag sa kanya na wala akong ibang motibo bukod doon.

His smirk made me reminisce about something.

“Yeah, we’ll hang out as friends. I know.”

Chapter 11 [Granted]

I tiptoed carefully as I opened the front door. Ingat na ingat akong hindi lumikha ng ingay habang sinasarado ko ang pintuan. Nang makarating ako sala ay nakaramdam ako ng kakaiba. Usually, the lights are always turned on.

But right now, the lights on the living room are dim.

I feel that something unusual is bound to happen. I shook my head, I shouldn’t feel guilty when I didn’t do something wrong.

Am I right?

“Mabuti at nakauwi ka na..”

My eyes went to the man standing in front of the grand staircase. Biglang bumukas ang lahat ng ilaw kung kaya’t mas luminaw ang pagrehistro ng kanyang kabuuan.

Leviticus’ hands are on his pockets as he steps on the middle, trying to get close to where I’m standing. Tanging puting sando ang kanyang suot, dati iyong t-shirt na inalisan ng manggas, pinaresan ng itim na boxers.

Wait, what?

My eyeballs went down to the obvious bulge on his boxers, poking the hell out of me. Ilang beses akong lumunok hanggang sa matuyo ang aking bibig.

“I-I’m sorry, but I texted you though. Nagpaalam ako na gagabihin ako..” tugon ko sa maliit at mahinang boses.

Nakaramdam ako ng kakaibang takot mula sa kanya. His aura is getting extreme as days pass by, and I don’t know why.

Nagpaalam naman ako sa kanya via text na baka gabihin ako ng uwi. Raxwell brought me to an exclusive bar, I have no choice but to go with him since he’s persistent. At isa pa, namiss ko na ring mag-chill out kahit paminsan-minsan lang. My life has been chaotic and sometimes it’s good to have fun.

He crossed his arms. Hindi naman galit ang ekspresyon niya, medyo lang. Kumikibot ang labi niya, waring tinitimbang kung anong sasabihin sa akin. I tried to fix my eyesight from his upper torso only, not below.

Leviticus is quite a huge man. His built is tremendous, he’s just standing in front of me but the level of intensity he’s giving me is spectacular. Kahit sinong nasa katayuan ko siguro ngayon ay pareho ng mararamdaman.

“How could I read your text? Tell me..” banggit niya na medyo sarkastiko.

There was an awkward silence before I realized the stupid mistake I did. How could he… How could he read it… he’s blind..

Bullshit! I want to mentally strangle myself. Ang tanga ko.

“Oh god, I’m sorry.. I forgot that..” hindi ko na maituloy ang gusto kong sabihin dahil nabalot ako ng kahihiyan.

“It’s okay, I understand. Don’t do that again, there’s no way I could read it.” aniya.

Nakahinga naman ako ng maluwag pero nahihiya pa rin ako. It’s already eight in the evening, ang tanda kong usapan namin ay six makakauwi na ako. I’m over it by two hours more.

“Pasensya na. Hindi na mauulit.” paghingi ko ng tawad.

Mula sa pagkakatayo ay gumalaw siya at naupo sa malawak na sofa. Ang kanyang dalawang malapad na braso ay nakahilig sa ibabaw ng sofa, habang ang dalawang hita naman niya ay nakabuka. Mas lalong luminaw ang bakat doon.

“Kumain ka na ba?” tanong ni Leviticus habang doon ako nakatitig sa kanyang bakat.

Damn, Riley. Umayos ka nga! Parang iba tuloy ang gusto kong isagot sa tanong niya.

“O-Oo, kumain na ako. Ikaw?”

Hindi pa rin ako tumitinag sa kinatatayuan ko. Ayaw kong lumapit. No way in hell. Never.

“I was hoping to eat dinner with you, though. I ate my dinner alone.” sagot naman niya sa malungkot na boses.

Para akong nakonsensya na mag-isa siyang kumain kanina dahil nasa galaan ako. Aside from it, nagtataka rin ako kung bakit hindi niya pa ako tinatanong kung saan nanggaling.

I tried to think of words to console him, but I can’t think of anything. That was the time that I went close to him. Umupo ako sa katabing sofa. Ang malapad niyang mga hita na may mumunting mga balahibo ay kitang-kita ko na. Muli akong napalunok.

“Levi, pasensya na talaga. Pero babawi ako, pangako.”

Pinagmasdan ko siya. Ang magagandang mata niya ay nakatitig sa kawalan. Pinaglalaruan niya ng kanyang daliri ang kanyang labi habang malalim ang iniisip. Watching him like this feels surreal.

“How are you gonna make it up to me, though?” bumaling ang kanyang mukha sa kinaroroonan ko.

I don’t know how he licked his lips in a very slow manner. Damn. Is he doing this on purpose?

“Leviticus, what are you doing?” direktang tanong ko.

Mula kanina ko pa napapansin ang mga swabeng galaw at kilos niya, maging ang kasuotan niya ngayon ay hindi nakaligtas sa aking pansin. He’s not usually like this. There is something wrong.

“What am I doing?” balik tanong niya sakin, this time he bit his lower lip then he crossed his arms like almost to the point of flexing it.

And here I am watching all of it.

God!

“Are you trying to seduce me, Leviticus?” malakas ang pakiramdam kong ganoon nga ang nangyayari.

I may be stupid but I’m not numb. I’m not stoic enough not to feel that he’s doing all of it on purpose.

“I’m not.” hindi ko naniniwalang tugon niya.

Umismid ako, kung gayon ay pinalalabas niyang assuming ako? I shook my head, I’m not gonna pretend like there’s nothing odd going on.

Sa kakaisip ko ng malalim ay bahagya kong napansin ang pag-angat ng labi niya. I believe he’s up to something nasty.

“But I know a way on how you can make it up to me..” aniya.

Damang-dama ko ang pag-iiba ng emosyon sa kanyang mga mata.

“W-What?” hindi ko mapigilang mautal dahil sa mga maruruming ideyang naiisip.

He shifted from his seat, ang kanyang dalawang siko ay nakatukod na ngayon sa kanyang mga hita.

“Come here..” utos niya.

Hindi ko alam kung anong espiritu ang bumulong sakin upang sundin ang gusto niyang mangyari.

Clueless of what is about to happen, I stood in front of him. We’re just inches away from each other. Pinagmasdan ko siyang tumingala sa akin.

Nabigla ako nang hatakin niya ako mula sa aking likuran patungo sa kanya. It all happened in a flash. I can’t close my mouth due to shock from what he just did.

Now, I’m on his lap. Halos nakapatong na ako sa kanya. Mahigpit ang pagkakakapit niya sa aking baywang upang hindi ako makawala. I can almost feel his poking sex on my butt.

“L-Levi, what just…”

Bilang suporta ay kumapit ako sa ibabaw ng sofa. Nanginginig ang aking mga binti, pilit akong umaangat upang maiwasan ang pagbundol ng kanyang ari sa aking tumbong.

“Stay still..” bigkas niya, ang boses ay sobrang nakakaengganyo kaya pumirmi ako.

His huge hands travelled around my body until it went to my back up to my neck. Bahagya akong nakikiliti sa ginagawa niya. What is he doing?

“Levi, this isn’t right. Babawi ako sa paraang gusto ko..” agap ko bago pa man kung anong malala ang mangyari.

His index finger went on top of my lips to shut me up.

“You disobeyed my order, Riley. Do you really think I would just let it pass?”

Hindi ako makasagot dahil sa naiwang daliri niya sa labi ko.

“Maaari ka namang bumawi, pero hindi sa paraang gusto mo, Riley. I wanna do it my way..” aniya hanggang sa naglakbay ang kanyang dalawang kamay sa aking batok at hinila ako nito pababa.

Hindi ako nakapiglas nang hatakin niya ako lalo hanggang sa mag-abot ang aming mga mukha.

And then he attacked my lips.

Ang mga kamay kong nakasuporta sa ibabaw ng sofa ay naibaba rin niya. I felt so defenseless but I didn’t stop him, though.

His kisses are fierce at the beginning but eventually became softer and almost passionate. All of my defenses loosened. His tongue skimmed my trembling lips, never letting go of it.

“I want you to stay very still….” he whispered that’s when I realized my struggle and he’s trying to calm me down.

Tumango ako at nagpaubaya sa kanyang mga halik. Ang kanyang mga kamay ay hinahaplos ang aking likuran, pababa sa aking baywang hanggang makarating ito sa dalawang matambok kong pang-upo. He caressed it so gently, just the right pressure.

I felt an urge to do something, to comfort him, I played with his hair as his grip on my butt went tighter and tighter..

“Oh god…” nakawala ang ungol sa aking bibig.

I stayed still on my position, now my body’s completely loosened and surrendering. I stared deep into his eyes even though he can’t do the same. Still, his are the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen.

“Damn… what are you doing to me…” he murmured as he touched my face and deepened the kiss.

It was full of wonder and love. Love? I don’t think so yet. It’s a big word. But what are we doing? We surrendered on each other like there was an uncontrollable force that binded us to be together and to feel each other.

I stopped him from kissing me, and looked at him.

“What are we doing?” tanong ko sa kanya, bahagyang nagising sa kung anomang nangyayari.

Naiwan pang nakaawang ang kanyang mga labi, napanood ko ang paglunok niya at paghabol sa kanyang hininga.

“I don’t know…” sagot niya sa aking katanungan.

Umalis ako sa pagkaka-kandong sa kanya at naupo sa kanyang tabi. Minasahe ko ang magkabilang gilid ng aking ulo, at saka ginulo ng marahan ang aking buhok.

We both don’t know what we’re doing. Para kaming nagpaubaya sa sariling mga damdamin, without thinking of the reason why we let ourselves do it.

“Riley…” tawag niya sa akin. Muli siyang umayos sa kanyang kinauupuan.

Hinawakan niya ang aking balikat. Napatingin ako sa kanya.

“We’re not doing this. We shouldn’t..” pagkumbinsi ko sa kanya.

Hindi siya tumango, hindi rin naman siya umiling. Hindi ko alam kung anong tumatakbo sa isip niya.

“I know..” nakampante ako nang sumagot siya at saka tumayo.

“Let’s go to sleep. I think we need to..” naglakad siya patungo sa grand staircase at umakyat doon.

Naiwan akong lutang sa mga naiisip ko. I closed my eyes for a moment. I can’t erase everything on my mind. Remembering what we just did, feels so fast.. and feels so strong..

It was too strong, to the point that it’s getting terrifying.. nang makaakyat siya sa kanyang kwarto ay saka ako sumunod at nagtungo sa aking kwarto.

Pabagsak akong humiga sa kama. Hinawakan ko aking labi. Dama ko pa rin ang lambot ng kanyang labi. And the way he granted me that hot kiss, I shook my head to brush it away. Nakakatakot. I shouldn’t start something that I know won’t last..

Leviticus had a wife once, and he has a daughter. There’s something in him that I can’t subjugate, something that I might not be able to conquer. He is not the type of man who will chase someone like me. Kung ganoon ang iisipin ko, para ko na ring hinukay ang sarili kong libingan.

And I know living alone is not easy. And he’s a lonely man. I can’t just let him take me for granted because he feels that way.

Kinabukasan ay maaga akong gumising. I don’t have to go to school today because of an event. Mabilis akong nag-shower at nag-ayos ng sarili. Pagbaba ko ng sala ay wala pa si Leviticus, maybe he’s still asleep.

I did the usual routine, kinuha ko ang pool net upang alisin ang dumi na lumulutang sa tubig ng swimming pool. Pagkatapos ko roon ay diniligan ko ang mga halaman, tumubo na rin ang ilang punlang itinanim ko noon. Pagkatapos ay kinuha ko ang walis at nilinisan naman ang tapat ng pool hanggang sa pergola.

Nang matapos ako sa mga gawain sa hardin ay sa loob naman ng bahay ako naglinis. Tagaktak na ang pawis ko dahil sa pagod pero nagpatuloy lang ako. I checked the stocks on the fridge, nilista ko ang mga paubos nang pagkain. Every weekend ay may pumupuntang katulong mula sa bahay ni Legend upang bumili ng grocery stock.

Isinunod ko naman ang pagluluto. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, iyon ang lagi kong naririnig sa may-ari ng bahay.

Naghanda ako ng mga itlog para sa egg toast at extrang sunny-sideup. Prinepara ko na rin ang paboritong chai tea ni Leviticus, binuksan ko naman ang espresso machine para sa aking kape.

“Good morning..” narinig ko ang boses sa bandang likuran ko.

Hindi ko na nilingon. I know who it was anyway.

“Is that my tea?” aniya, naramdaman ko ang paglapit niya sa kinaroroonan ko. Siguro’y naamoy ang halimuyak ng tinimpla kong tsaa.

“Oo, heto. Gumawa rin ako ng egg toast..” kinuha ko ang tasa ng tsaa at ipinatong sa mesa. Sumunod naman siya.

Sunod kong inihain ang egg toast at sunny-sideups sa harapan niya. Napansin ko naman ang kamay niyang nasa ere at animo’y dinadala ang halimuyak patungo sa kanyang ilong. He’s too cute to ignore doing that.

“Kumain ka na rin, saluhan mo ako.” aniya.

Iyon naman talaga ang plano ko, ang saluhan ko siya bilang pambawi sa nangyari kahapon. Muli kong naalala ang ginawa namin kagabi pero mas lamang ang gutom na nararamdaman ko kaya nawaglit din agad ito sa aking isipan.

Tahimik kaming kumain. But it felt like we’ve been thinking about the same thing. We can’t deny how we crave each other, at the same time we know what it will cost us in the end.

I looked at him and remembered the way he touched me last night. I crave touch, yet I flinch everytime someone is close enough.

“What happened last night, can we talk about it?” suddenly he spoke.

Naiwan sa ere ang aking kamay. I know how we badly need to talk, but it scares me thinking how things will end after we’ve talked about it.

Sometimes, things are better left unspoken. Dati ay hindi ko pinaniniwalaan iyon, pero ngayon ay iyon ang pinanghahawakan ko.

“Can we not talk about it?” ako naman ang nagtanong.

Umigting ang panga niya sa sinabi ko. Halatang hindi nagustuhan ang narinig.

He licked his lips quickly before he said something.

“Why not?” kunot ang noong tanong niya, tumigil na rin siya pagkain upang hintayin ang isasagot ko.

“Because what happened wasn’t real..” matapang kong sagot.

Yeah, it happened but it doesn’t mean it’s real. It was just a dream. And dream won’t lasts until you wake up from it.

“It was real for me. I don’t know what it was for you. But for me, it was real. And it meant more than it should have..” aniya sa boses na parang nanghihikayat.

Umiling-iling ako. I completely get him. Like I said, he’s lonely and he might take everything for granted just because he feels that way. And I don’t like him to treat me like that. Like a one-time solution. A cure to his loneliness.

I want to be careful with how much I tolerate him because I’m teaching him how to treat me.

“It was the first time in years to feel that again, and yet you ignore me.” aniya sa malungkot na tono.

Nasasaktan akong marinig iyon mula sa kanya. Na parang ako ang may kasalanan ng lahat kung bakit siya malungkot ngayon.

“I don’t fall easily, Riley. I want you to know that. And the feeling you’re giving me is so rare, it almost exceeded what I felt with my wife before..”

I can’t be listening to this. Hindi ko kaya. He made it sound like it’s a big opportunity that I’m just neglecting, he even compared me to his wife. What the fuck.

“Believe it or not, you make me feel things I didn’t feel before. It confused me a lot but now it’s clear to me what it is…”

Wala na akong gana sa pagkain. Hindi ko kayang i-digest ang lahat ng sinasabi niya. My heart flutters, and I don’t like how he’s taking control of my own emotions.

“It’s not what you think it is, Leviticus. You’re just alone… and lonely.. and I get it…” sabi ko upang hindi siya maguluhan sa mga nararamdaman niya.

“You don’t get it. And I’m not fucking lonely. Are you thinking that I might take you for granted just because you think I’m miserable?”

Hindi ko magawang umimik dahil sa sinabi niya. I can hear the pain in his voice and the way he speaks.

“I know you feel something about it, too..”

“I don’t feel anything with you, Levi.” muli kong kinuha ang aking tapang.

I know better now. Alam kong naging mapusok at padalus-dalos ako noon sa pakikipag-relasyon, like my failed relationships that didn’t last. All of my exes took me for granted, just because I let them treat me the way they want to and not the way I want to.

“You’re lying…”

Ayaw ko mang saktan si Leviticus pero kung ipipilit niya ito, I have no choice. I used to be known as a rule breaker, but now isn’t the time to break it.

“I feel nothing, Levi.”

Napapansin ko na ang nagpupuyos niyang galit ngunit tinitimpi ito sa kanyang sarili. Tumayo ako sa aking kinauupuan upang umalis na.

But he gripped my arm to stop me from leaving.

“I don’t buy that, Riley. You’re just scared of telling me how you truly feel about me..” he said confidently.

Tinignan ko siya. He’s now smirking like a demon. The same smirk that I saw on his face the first time we met.

“You either say how you feel and fuck it up, or say nothing and let it fuck you up instead. Remember that, Riley…”

Chapter 12 [Complicated]

It’s been three months since the day I stayed with the owner of this isolated house, Levi. I’ve been reimbursed by Legend in equivalent of secretly taking care of his brother.

For the past few weeks, hindi ko na masyadong nakitaan si Leviticus ng pagiging bayolente. He’s been acting normal, aloof and not giving any fuck about anyone. Ngunit sa kada makikita ko siya ay nakasimangot siya, hindi ngumingiti.

Since the day that I turned his feelings down, he’s been cold and distant. Ganoon naman na talaga siya noon pa, ang kaibahan nga lang ngayon ay pakiramdam ko sinasadya niya.

I’ve known him as a man of maturity, I didn’t expect he could be this childish.

It was a weekend when his brother Legend visited again. Wala akong pasok ng araw na iyon kung kaya’t wala akong choice kundi ang manatili sa bahay. I was cleaning in the garden while the two brothers swim in the pool. Mataas na ang tirik ng araw kaya sumisilong ako sa bandang malilim.

Without their knowledge, I enjoyed watching them swim. Pareho silang marunong lumangoy. At maganda rin ang pangangatawan ni Legend. It was just that Leviticus has a different effect to me, though. As much as I ignore him swimming and watching him unintentionally flexing his ripped muscles, my eyes get so sinful.

Ang makasalanan kong mga mata. How could I resist him? Nakabalandra ang katawan niya sa harapan ko!

“Riley!”

Nabitawan ko ang hawak kong hose nang marinig ang boses ni Legend. Saglit kong itinigil ang pagdidilig at saka nagtungo sa kinaroroonan nila. There are two sun loungers on the other end of the pool. Nakahiga si Legend sa isa habang nagbababad sa araw, si Leviticus naman ay nakaupo at nagpupunas ng kanyang tuwalya. Tinutuyo ang kanyang buhok.

“Can you get us something to drink, please?” utos ni Legend at saka nagsuot ng kanyang sunglasses.

Pinagmasdan ko nang malapitan ang katawan ni Legend, his skin color is lighter than his brother, kaya siguro siya nagpapa-tan. On the other side, si Leviticus naman ay kumikinang kapag nasisinagan ng araw. He looks too gorgeous to be a human.

“S-Sure!”

Bago ako tumalikod ay napansin ko ang nalaglag na towel sa paanan ni Leviticus, I didn’t know if he noticed it but he seemed like he didn’t mind at all.

I sighed extravagantly. Yumuko ako at kukuhanin ang towel sa kanyang paanan ngunit naunahan niya ako. I stopped from that position.

What the fudge?

I composed myself and calmed myself down as I realized that he did that on purpose. Inirapan ko siya dahil alam kong hindi niya makikita iyon.

Bugnot akong bumalik sa loob upang ipaghanda sila ng maiinom. I prepared them a fresh lemonade. Ngunit naglagay ako ng dagdag na yelo sa inumin ni Leviticus. He has been so cold to me, now he’s gonna get cold literally with this.

With the tray of lemonades on my hand, tinungo ko ang daan pabalik sa hardin. Natagpuan ko si Legend na nakadapa na sa lounger samantalang si Levi ay nakatungo habang nakaupo. I heard them talking about the business.

“You know, the client is a general contractor. And we can get additional materials and labor from him to finish the project..” naririnig kong bigkas ni Legend.

Ipinatong ko ang tray sa ibabaw ng maliit na circular table sa gitna nila. Napansin ko ang pag-angat ni Leviticus sa kanyang ulo nang maramdaman ang presensya ko.

“We can finish the project without him.” sagot ni Levi sa kanyang kapatid.

“Here’s your drinks..” anunsyo ko sa kanilang dalawa.

Kung nakakakita lang si Leviticus ay bulagta na ako rito kanina pa sa mga tingin niya. His soulful eyes are directed on me and it gave me chills. Sa pagkakatulala ko sa kanya ay hindi ko namalayang kumuha na si Legend ng kanyang inumin.

“Woah… this is too cold..”

Nalaglag ang panga ko nang malamang iyong inuming maraming yelo ang nakuha niya. He even raised the glass up to see it filled with small blocks of ice. Legend eyed me curiously but he ignored it after and didn’t seem confused.

“H-Here’s your lemonade..” inabot ko sa kamay ni Leviticus ang kanyang baso. Agad ko ring binitawan nang mapaso ako sa init niya.

How could this man gives so much heat?

Leviticus is topless, only wearing a blue board shorts. The shape of his arms is distracting me. Mayroong mumunting mga balahibo sa kanyang dibdib, nasamid ako sa sariling laway nang wala sa oras.

Anyway, he drank the glass of lemonade. Balak ko na sanang umalis nang marinig ko ang mura niya. Pagkakita ko sa kanya ay nabasa siya ng lemonade, bumuhos ito sa kanyang katawan.

“What happened?” Legend asked.

Agad akong kumuha ng tissue at saka ibinigay kay Leviticus upang siya ang magpunas sa sarili niya. There’s no way that I will touch that perfectly sculpted body.

“My bad..” ani Levi sa mahinang boses.

And in front of me, he slowly wiped his abdomen with the tissue I gave him. Animo’y umuusok ang kanyang dibdib pababa sa kanyang tiyan. His abdominal muscles are a bit hypnotizing. Bago pa man tumulo ang laway ko roon ay umalis na ako.

Malakas ang pakiramdam ko na sinasadya niya iyong lahat. He’s confident that I have feelings for him, and he’s using my own emotions to defy myself.

Kinagabihan ay mag-isa akong kumakain sa kitchen. Isang oras na ang lumipas nang umalis si Legend. Leviticus is upstairs and he told me that he’s not hungry. Hindi ko naman siya pinilit dahil baka mas lalong mainis sakin.

Bumalik sa aking alaala ang mga salita niya noong huli kaming nagkausap ng masinsinan.

He doesn’t fall easily, he said. At ang nararamdaman niya para sakin ay humigit pa sa naramdaman niya noon sa kanyang asawa. Like how in the world am I going to believe that?

He has a daughter from his wife. Paano ko iyon mahihigitan? I’m just an ordinary guy. Hindi ako nagpakita ng anumang motibo sa kanya noon. At siya itong unang humalik sa akin noon sa elevator. Kung kaya paano siyang nahumaling sakin? I still don’t get the whole picture.

But aside from that, what would it benefit him if he’s lying about his feelings?

All of a sudden, I heard footsteps from the living room. Ang mga yapak na iyon ay nakarating hanggang sa kinaroroonan ko. I saw Leviticus in his loose white shirt and black shorts walking his way towards the fridge. Bahagyang bagsak ang kanyang buhok, mukhang kagagaling sa shower.

Matagal siyang nakaharap sa nakabukas na fridge, hindi ko malaman kung nag-iisip ba siya ng makakain o nagpapalamig doon.

“You wanna eat something?” tanong ko sa kanya.

Bahagyang lumihis ang ulo niya ngunit hindi siya lumingon sa gawi ko. Waring nag-isip ng malalim at hindi ako pinansin. Eventually, he took a tupperware on the fridge. May laman iyong pasta na dala kanina ni Legend.

Kumuha siya ng utensils at plato. Pagkatapos ay naupo siya sa upuang pinakamalayo sa akin. Seriously? Ayaw niya ba akong tabihan?

“You can sit here, kumakain din ako..” anunsyo ko sa kanya dahil baka hindi niya alam.

Instead, he remained on his seat and acted like he never heard my voice.

“Why are you sitting so far away from me?” prangka kong tanong sa kanya nang makaramdam ako ng inis.

But he just eats his food casually. I can’t see any emotion in his eyes, though. And he’s obviously acting like my existence is nothing to him.

Malalim akong nagbuntong hininga. I shook my head and just continued eating my food. Wala akong mapapala kung pipilitin ko siya. Kung ayaw niya akong lapitan, fine. Kung ayaw niya akong kausapin, it’s fine with me too.

“I’m keeping my distance because I know I can’t have you…”

Napahinto ako bigla nang marinig ang namutawi sa kanyang bibig. It took me a minute to digest his words.

“Levi..”

“You don’t have to act like you’re upset or anything. I’m all fine with it. I can’t force you if you don’t like me.” tugon niya na ikina-bagabag ng aking damdamin.

Nakagat ko ang aking labi dahil sa konsensyang bumabalot sa akin. We’re living under the same roof and it’s so hard if we keep being like this.

“Sometimes I feel like we’re friends, sometimes I feel like we’re more than friends, and sometimes I feel like we’re strangers…” dugtong pa niya sa huling sinabi.

Nahahabag na ako at parang hindi ko kayang pakinggan ang mga sinasabi niya. It’s just too heartbreaking to hear. I know he’s used to being lonely, but it’s my fault that I made him even lonelier.

I heard him sigh like his life depended on it.

“And it’s better to have nobody than to have someone who is half there, or doesn’t want to be there..”

That’s it. I’m done. I don’t wanna hear more of his depressing sentiments. I stood up from my seat and went closer to him. In the end, I realized that I can’t ignore him forever.

“Levi, you know that’s not what I’m thinking. I don’t hate you..” sabi ko habang inookupa ang upuang katabi ng kanya.

How I missed being this close to him. It sent something more than delight to me. Ang muling makalapit sa kanya ng ganito, para akong lumulutang sa ere.

“And you don’t like me either.” dugtong niya sa sinabi ko. Making it even harder for me to repel him.

I puckered my lips. He’s completely opposing every word I say.

“I like you, Levi. But…” I searched for the best word that could ever describe what I’m feeling right now but it seemed like my brain is not cooperating.

“But?” kumagat naman siya ngunit sabik na naghintay sa aking rason.

“But like is never enough to the point that I want to risk everything. You have a daughter, Levi.” unti-unti nang gumagana ang utak ko kaya sinubukan kong ipaliwanag sa kanya ang nararamdaman ko.

“So what if I have a kid? Are you afraid that I’m a father?” kumunot ang kanyang noo.

Halos matawa ako sa tanong at reaksyon niya.

“It’s not like that..” agap ko upang hindi siya mag-overthink tungkol doon.

“Then what is it? Was it the age gap? Do you think I’m too older for yo—”

“Of course not. I will never turn you down just because of your age, Leviticus.” I interrupted him because what he’s thinking is absolutely wrong.

Age is just a number for me. I would never ever use that as a reason.

“So you like older guys then?”

“Yes! No, I mean…” I bit my tongue in purpose. I’m getting too obvious. Huminga ako ng malalim upang maghinay-hinay.

“What I mean is it doesn’t matter to me. You’re thirty years old and it’s totally fine. You can be forty, fifty, or sixty? I don’t care.” halos sabunutan ko ang sarili dahil medyo exagge na ang huli kong sinabi, halatang desperado makumbinsi lamang siya.

“You can’t be with a man more than my age, Riley. Or even younger than me. Five years gap is what’s best for you.”

Hindi ko mapigilang mapangiti dahil sa sinabi niya. Napansin kong nakangiti na rin siya. Finally, he’s not that gloomy and distant man anymore. Bumalik na siya sa dating sigla.

“You mean, you’re the one what’s best for me? Is that what you’re trying to say?”

He chuckled softly. I feel like floating on air. I just want us to stay like this, though. Iyong walang pressure. Walang mabigat na responsibilidad. If I have a problem, he can be there for me. Same with him if he has problems, I can be there beside him.

“You’re the only one who can tell what’s best for you, Riley. But you are what’s best for me, though…” aniya sa boses na nanghahalina.

Damn, Leviticus. Alam na alam ko ang mga ganitong galawan. With the way he talks to me and his gestures, he’s trying to make me fall for him.

“Levi, you know we can never be like what you think..” muli kong paalala sa kanya dahil baka mali ang akalain niya sa mga ipinapakita ko.

“That’s yourself and what you think. But I’m gonna make that happen. I’m gonna make us happen, Riley.” pursigidong tugon niya.

“Levit—”

“Do you want me gone?” suddenly he threw that kind of question that caught me off guard.

“No.” sagot ko.

“Do you want me in your life?” he asked next.

What is this, an interrogation? Napaisip ako sa mga katanungan niya, hindi ko alam kung ano itong binabalak niya. I feel like whatever I answer is gonna trap me.

So I’m gonna play safe.

“I-I don’t know, Levi..”

Now, he looked like it was the answer he’s expecting from me. He shakes his head after, looking so disappointed.

“I don’t get it. You don’t want me gone but you don’t want me with you either.”

Kahit maging ako’y naguguluhan na rin sa aking sarili. I know I have feelings for him but right now love is something that I don’t wanna invest in. I have other problems, family, school, and two ex-boyfriends are enough for me. Another heartbreak is not what I should be dealing with right now.

“And you may not be pushing me away, but you’re not also fighting to keep me either.”

His words made me realize how this situation we’re in is so complicated.

Iyon ang mga huling salitang iniwan niya sakin ng gabing iyon.

Kinabukasan ay tanghali na akong nagising. Niligpit ko ang aking pinaghigaan at saka nagtungo sa banyo upang mag-ayos ng sarili. I took a cold shower, nagbabad din ako sa tub ng ilang minuto upang makapag-relax ako kahit paano.

I used bubble bath products na minsan ko lang nagagamit. Hinipan ko ang bula sa aking kamay at saka ito lumutang sa ere. That little thing made me smile.

I was finger-combing my damp hair while walking downstairs when I found someone familiar in the living room. My jaw dropped in an instant as our eyes met.

In his usual company attire, Raxwell is sitting comfortably on the next couch beside Leviticus. Sa dahilang iyon kaya bumagal ang paglalakad ko. His eyes are questioning. Hindi niya alam na dito ako tumutuloy kay Leviticus. This is not a good timing.

“Where do I need to sign?” asked Leviticus, pinilit pa ni Raxwell na ibalik ang atensyon sa kanya dahil natulala ito mula nang makita ako.

May itinuro si Rax kay Levi doon sa hawak nitong mga papeles. Tumuloy ako sa pagbaba hanggang sa makarating ako sa harapan nila.

“Y-You need something to drink?” tanong ko upang maasikaso sila habang may ginagawa na tungkol yata sa negosyo.

I noticed how Leviticus stopped for a moment upon hearing my voice, and then proceeding to sign something.

“I-I’m fine, thanks..” banggit ni Rax na sumulyap sa akin. I saw confusion in his eyes.

Tumango na lamang ako at saka nagtungo sa kusina upang maghanap ng mailuluto. While thinking about what would Raxwell think upon seeing me living with his boss?

Habang kumukuha ako ng stocks sa fridge ay naramdaman ko ang presensya ng kung sinong dumating. I turned around and saw Raxwell.

“Hey..” bati ko sa kanya. Pero mukhang lito siya at hindi malaman kung babatiin rin ako.

“You’re… you are living with the CEO of the company I’m working for? How are you related to him?” and his questions followed like what I was expecting.

“I am not related to him.. He’s…” nag-isip ako ng tamang salita na makakapag-larawan ng relasyon ko kay Leviticus, ngunit wala akong maisip. Ano nga ba ang relasyon ko kay Levi?

I’m his pretend gardener and secret daddy-sitter, but that would even confuse him more.

“I’m his friend, and he’s kind enough to let me live here. Wala kasi akong matutuluyan noon kaya nagmabuting-loob siya..” I kind of lied just to make it easier to explain.

But Levi as my friend? I almost throw up saying that.

He nodded slowly as he thought about it.

“Kayo lang dalawa nakatira rito?” he followed up questions, I know what he’s thinking.

“Yeah, sometimes Legend would visit.” ngunit nagsisi akong sinabi pa iyon dahil mas pinalala kong lang ang kung anong tumatakbo sa isipan niya. I’m living with his boss and his other boss, now I’m screwed up.

Nagkatitigan kami ng matagal, animo’y hindi niya matanggap ang mga nalaman ngunit mukha namang nasa proseso na siya na tanggapin iyon.

“That’s not the comfort room..” abruptly we heard Levi’s voice who’s standing in the middle of the doorway.

Nagulat pa si Raxwell sa nakahalukipkip na si Leviticus at saka ito nagkamot ng batok.

“I-I got lost, sorry.”

Upang makatakas sa hagupit ng kanyang boss ay tinuro ko sa kanya ang daan patungo sa banyo. Hindi ko na binigyang pansin si Leviticus pagkatapos at inasikaso ko na lamang ang lulutuin.

Not minding even when Leviticus’ presence behind me is so overwhelming.

“You were talking to him, you know him?” tanong niya.

“Yes, I know him. Raxwell is a friend.” walang malisya kong sagot dahil iyon naman ang totoo.

Mas lumakas ang presensya niya dahil umaabot na sa aking balat ang init na kanyang dala. His built is strong and robust, he looked like he can corner me any second.

“Hmm… I hope it stays that way..” he whispered. Nagulat pa ako nang ipatong niya ang kanyang baba sa aking balikat. What is he doing?

“Anong iluluto mo, hmm?” dagdag pa niyang tanong at sobrang lapit na ng mukha niya sa aking tainga.

“I’m gonna fry some chicken. Levi, you don’t need to be this close..” paalala ko sa kanya ngunit hindi siya tuminag.

His face is on top of my shoulder blades, later on, his bare hands snaked around my waist. His gesture made me feel ecstatic.

“Riley, you know we can be more than this if you just make things less complicated.” aniya.

“With you doing these things, hugging me, being this close, makes it more complicated, Leviticus.” tugon ko sa kanya.

Nakatalikod pa rin ako sa kanya habang hinihiwa ko ang manok sa maliliit na bahagi. Dahil nawawala ako sa tamang katinuan ay sobrang liliit ng mga nahiwa ko. Nagmukhang pang-chicken nuggets ang mga ito.

Humigpit ang yapos niya. He sniffed my scent and it almost tickled me.

“I don’t care how complicated this gets, I still want you.”

And with those words, I stupidly cut my finger. Bloody hell!

Chapter 13 [Arrangement]

I was daydreaming while I’m inside the library. Nakatukod ang dulo ng panulat ko sa aking labi habang nakatulala sa kawalan. My peaceful mind has been preoccupied and corrupted by that man, Leviticus.

Thinking about him, I felt so ungrateful. Na siya na nga itong lumalapit sakin, tapos inaayawan ko pa. Who couldn’t like a man like him? He’s a complete package. Hindi lang siya nakakakita pero hindi iyon kabawasan sa kanya, sobra-sobra pa nga ang kaya niyang i-offer. His vision won’t be a problem.

Because I’m the only problem.

“Kanina ka pa tulala riyan, Riless. Sino bang iniisip mo?” nakangising pang-aakusa ni Kimpoy na nasa harapan ko.

May makapal na libro sa kanyang harapan. Kimpoy is the type of lesbian that looks like a boy, maikli ang buhok niya. He’s lean and he can actually offer more than what real boys can.

I rolled my eyes at him. Ayaw kong sabihin sa kanya dahil alam kong gigisahin lang niya ako ng mga tanong. At isa pa, kilala ko na siya at alam ko na kung anong sasabihin niya.

“Hindi ka naman madalas na tahimik, lalaki siguro ’yang iniisip mo?” nairita ako sa ngisi sa kanyang mukha.

Tumigil na lamang ako sa pagdi-daydream at binigyang atensyon ko na lamang ang libro na kailangan kong basahin. May mga article roon sa binabasa ko at may ilan pang nabanggit na mula sa bibliya.

Until I saw a name mentioned on it.

“What the fuck…” I murmured upon reading the name Leviticus mentioned on the book.

Nang magtagpong muli ang mga mata namin ni Kimpoy ay isinara ko ang libro at sinabunutan ang sarili.

“Anong nangyayari sa’yo?” Takang-taka niyang tanong habang pinagmamasdan akong parang mababaliw na.

Kahit dito sa school ay hindi ako tinitigilan ng lalaking iyon. He’s haunting me everywhere I go. And it’s driving me insane. I raised my head and earned enough courage to vent out to him.

“Leviticus is courting me.” bigkas ko sa kanya.

Ngunit hindi man lang nagbago ang emosyon sa mukha ni Kimpoy. He raised an eyebrow, he seemed confused with my confession.

“Leviticus, the blind man I’m living with.” dugtong ko sa sinabi ko upang maalala niya.

Then his mouth opened in shock. Pagkatapos ay lumawak ang ngisi sa mukha na mas lalo kong ikinairita.

“Yung gwapong nanundo sa’yo? Sabi na nga ba at kakanain mo ang lalaking iyon, e! Ano, masarap ba?” hinatak ko ang buhok niya upang hinaan niya ang boses niya.

We’re inside the library, medyo napapatingin na sa amin ang ibang tahimik na nagbabasa.

“Nothing happened. But he’s courting me, and I don’t like it.” wika ko upang maintindihan niya kung ano ang nararamdaman ko sa sitwasyong iyon.

“Bakit ayaw mo? Gaga, ikaw yata ang bulag eh!” muli kong hinatak ang buhok niya dahil marami nang nakakapansin sa lakas ng boses niya.

I sighed. Sabi ko na nga ba. Dapat hindi ko na sinabi sa kanya dahil mag-iingay lang ang isang ’to. At alam na alam kong hindi ako ang kakampihan niya.

“What should I do? Pamilyado na iyong tao. And he runs a huge business. And he’s… well he’s so clingy… and touchy…” pag-amin ko. I don’t know what kind of face I am making right now.

“Edi mas okay. Kaya ka niyang tustusan. Hindi ka magugutom. Be practical, Riless. Ano bang problema roon bukod sa may pamilya na pala siya? Natatakot ka bang maging kabit?” nagpasalamat ako na huminahon na siya at hindi na malakas ang boses niya.

Well, technically he had a family. Hindi naman ako magiging kabit dahil wala naman na siyang asawa. Ako pa yata ang gusto niyang ipalit sa asawa niya. Imagining myself providing his needs makes me blushed. I don’t wanna think about that part yet.

“His wife died on a car accident. But he has a daughter.” tugon ko sa kanya.

Imbes na magbasa ng aming mga libro, ito ang inaatupag namin ngayon.

“Mas mabuti iyon at hindi ka magiging kabit kung sakali. Kung may anak naman siya, anong pino-problema mo eh hindi naman ikaw ang magtutustos doon? Ang kailangan mo nalang gawin ay paligayahin siy—”

“I can’t.” hindi ko siya pinatapos. I don’t even wanna hear it.

“Why not?” hindi niya maintindihang tanong, litong-lito kung bakit umaangal ako sa isang bagay na sa tingin niya ay malaking oportunidad.

“Well…. like what I said.. he’s clingy and touchy kind of guy… and I know he’s huge..”

I suddenly regret mentioning it. Iba ang iisipin nito.

“Malaki ang katawan ng tao, Riley. Natural lang na malaki rin ang kargada nun.”

Nag-init ang mukha ko. Parang ayaw kong pakinggan ang katotohanang iyon mula sa kanya. I’ve been avoiding thinking about that fact, but here we are discussing about it.

“Wait a minute… virgin ka pa diba?” sinamaan ko siya ng tingin.

I suddenly remembered my last boyfriend, Jason. Agresibo siya at pinilit niya ako noong makipag-sex pero hindi ako pumayag dahilan ng paghihiwalay namin.

At sabi ko noon sa sarili ko, ibibigay ko lamang ng buo ang aking sarili kung alam kong handa na ako at kung sigurado akong sa tamang tao ko ibibigay iyon.

“Hindi ka naman pipilitin ng tao kung ayaw mo o hindi ka pa handa. At saka ’di na uso ang pakipot, Riles. Wala ka bang nararamdaman para sa kanya?”

His question made think a lot of things. Hindi ko naman pwedeng ipagkaila sa sarili ko na wala akong nararamdaman kung meron naman talaga. Pero kung papasok ako sa isang relasyon, with him, natatakot ako dahil baka sa huli ay mangyari ang nangyari samin ng huli kong naging boyfriend.

But thinking deeply about it, why am I comparing them when they are totally different with each other? Ibang-iba si Leviticus. He’s not the type of man who’s looking for a hook-up. He’s serious and I feel pressured whenever I think of replacing his wife. It sounds like a huge responsibility.

“At nagkaroon ka naman ng mga boyfriend noon, kaya anong ikinakatakot mo riyan? Don’t tell me you’re afraid to love again dahil doon kay Jason?” I want to shut him up for bringing it up.

He knows what happened before. Actually, everyone knows about it. The photo scandal of me and Jason, pero wala naman talagang totoong nangyari sa aming dalawa. Jason did it because I hurt his ego that I didn’t give him what he wanted.

Umiling-iling si Kimpoy, animo’y may napagtanto siya.

“It’s not love that you’re afraid of, Riless. It’s the fear that everyone else is just like the last person who destroyed you.” what he said hits me differently.

Hindi ko nagawang umimik. Somehow, naliwanagan ako pero naroon pa rin ang alinlangan sakin.

We left the library when the bell rang. Dumiretso kami sa cafeteria dahil saktong lunch time na. Pagdating ay natagpuan namin ang table nina Gael at Renan. Naka-reserve na ang dalawang upuan para samin.

“May mangliligaw si Riley!” walang hiyang anunsyo ni Kimpoy sa dalawa.

I closed my eyes because of frustration. May mga kaibigan talaga tayong akala mo mapagkakatiwalaan mo pero ito pa ang manglalaglag sa’yo sa huli. Ipapangalandakan pa ang mga sikreto mo.

“Oh, talaga?” Renan asked.

Lumingon sakin si Gael. Nakatanggap ng masasamang tingin sakin si Kimpoy.

“May iba ka pang mangliligaw bukod sakin?” tanong ni Gael na pinatunog ang kanyang mga darili at mukhang naghahanda sa isang giyera. Tinawanan ko siya. I know he’s not serious. It’s just his usual behavior towards me.

“Oo. Gwapo, mayaman, at mas malaki pa ang katawan kaysa sa’yo..” tugon ni Kimpoy upang asarin si Gael.

“No way. Gwapo rin naman ako at masarap. Pero yayaman din ako. Riley, ipinagpalit mo na ako?” nagpuppy eyes pa sakin si Gael. Kinurot ko lang siya sa braso niya upang tumigil.

Nag-order kami ng pagkain ni Kimpoy. Nakapila kaming dalawa at ito na ang pagkakataon kong awayin siya.

“Bakit mo sinabi dun sa dalawa? Dapat talaga diyan sa bibig mo nilalagyan ng packing tape, e..” bulong ko upang hindi marinig ng tao sa aming likuran.

“Hindi naman nila ipagkakalat ’yun, mga lalaki ang mga yun kaya ayos lang.” nginisian niya ako at saka piningot pa ang aking ilong.

I sighed in defeat.

Pagbalik namin sa aming table ay tapos nang kumain ang dalawang lalaki. Pero itong si Kimpoy ay hindi pa tapos na asarin si Gael.

“Naku, sagutin mo na kaya Riless? Para magkaroon na kayo ng label.” parinig niya kay Gael kahit sakin naman nakatingin.

Mas lalong sumimangot si Gael sa aming harapan. Natutuwa ako dahil ang cute niyang tingnan. Gael is handsome too, he has a good built because he’s athletic, it’s just that he’s really playful so I didn’t take his advances seriously.

“Ako nalang ang sagutin mo, Riley my loves. Araw-araw kitang paliligayahin, patitirikin ko ang mata mo sa sara—”

“Ewan ko sa’yo, Gael. Tigilan mo na ’yan.” sabi ko sa kanya upang manahimik na siya dahil mas lalo lang siyang aasarin nitong si Kimpoy.

“Hala, kawawa naman. Tumigil ka na daw, Gael. Hanap ka nalang ng ibang pararausan mo riyan..” nagpipigil ang tawang komento ni Kimpoy.

Nanggigil sa inis si Gael kaya hinatak niya si Renan at saka sila nagwalk out. I didn’t know boys like them can be this dramatic.

“Sobra ka, lagi mo nalang inaasar ’yung tao.” babala ko kay Kimpoy na nagpatuloy sa pagkain.

“Dapat lang sa kanya ’yun, nakita mo ba ’yung mukha niya? Laughtrip!” saka siya muling sumabog ng tawa. Napailing nalang ako sa kawalan at tinapos ang pagkain.

Nang matapos ay bumalik na kami sa aming klase. Maagang natapos ang huling klase namin kaya masasaya ang mga kaklase kong nagsilabasan. Abala ako sa pagliligpit ng aking kagamitan nang iwan ako ng huling advise ni Kimpoy.

“Bigyan mo ng chance, Riless. Malay mo naman di ba? And remember, opportunity doesn’t knock twice. So grab it!” aniya at chineer pa ako bago siya naunang lumabas ng silid dahil may date raw siya.

Alas kwatro pa lang ng hapon ay nakauwi na ako sa bahay. Dumiretso ako sa itaas upang magbihis. Saglit din akong naglinis ng katawan at nag-ayos ng sarili bago nagpasyang bumaba.

I found Leviticus on the pergola in the garden, mukhang may kausap ito sa telepono. He’s wearing a white linen shirt with grey board shorts. Nasa tamang ayos ang kanyang buhok. He’s too gorgeous to be a human, though.

Kahit sa malayo ay ang sarap niyang tignan.

Bumalik ako sa kusina at naisip kong ipagtimpla siya ng paborito niyang chai tea. Nagtimpla naman ako ng aking lemonade. Nang matapos ay ipinatong ko ito sa tray at saka nagtungo sa kinaroroonan niya.

Nang makalapit ako ay may kausap pa rin siya sa telepono. I carefully placed the cup on the table in front of him. Narinig ni Leviticus ang kalansing ng cup at saucer kung kaya’t nalaman niyang naroon ako. I occupied the rattan chair beside him.

While sipping on my lemonade, I can’t help myself to watch him and the way his lips move and produce a sound. Katamtaman ang haba ng kanyang balbas sa mukha. Sa kanyang leeg ay may nakasabit na silver necklace, hindi ko nakita ang pendant dahil nakatago na ito sa loob ng kanyang shirt.

“Bigyan mo ng chance, Riless. Malay mo naman di ba? And remember, opportunity doesn’t knock twice. So grab it!”

Nagreplay ang boses ni Kimpoy sa aking utak. I shook my head to wash away his voice inside my head.

I stayed beside him. Paunti-unti kong iniinom ang aking lemonade. Hinintay ko hanggang sa matapos siya pakikipag-usap sa telepono.

“Who was that?” I initiated the conversation when finally he put down the phone.

Kumibot ang kanyang mga labi sa hindi ko malamang dahilan.

“It was Legend. Ang aga mong nakauwi ngayon?” tugon niya, tumango ako nang malamang si Legend lang pala ang kausap niya.

“Maagang natapos ang huling klase namin, e. Bakit, ayaw mo ba na maaga akong umuwi? May iba ka bang pinagkakaabalahan dito?” hindi ko napigilang itanong, ngunit nagsisi rin agad dahil binibigyan ko lang siya ng mga ideya.

He leaned forward. Naamoy niya ang usok ng tsaang tinimpla ko para sa kanya. His right arm went on top of my seat. Kahit nakadantay lamang iyon doon ay dama ko ang presensya nito.

“Aside from thinking about you all day, wala na akong ibang pinagkakaabalahan, Riley.” sagot niya. He licked his lower lip after taking sip on his tea.

What did he say?

“Y-You’re thinking about me? All day?” naguguluhan kong tanong dahil alam kong imposible naman yata iyon. That’s just insane. I don’t want to believe that.

“Yeah, what could I be thinking of aside from you? I was thinking how I could make you mine.” unti-unti kong napapansin ang paglapit ng kanyang katawan sa akin.

I want to laugh hard with what he said. But I didn’t see any humor in his face, that’s how I realized he was dead serious.

Nang matagal akong natahimik ay mas lalo siyang lumapit at saka niya hinatak ang aking batok. He gave me a peck on the lips. Sa sobrang bilis ng pangyayari ay hindi agad ako nakapag-react pagkatapos. I looked at his face, napansin kong medyo namumula na siya.

“I’m sorry, I just can’t stop thinking about your lips on mine..” aniya saka niya dinilaan ang kanyang labi pagkatapos ng aming halik.

I went totally speechless. Parang bago ang lahat ng ito para sakin. Hindi ako makabalik sa tamang wisyo dahil sa mga emosyong siya lang ang nakapagparamdam sa akin.

“Nangliligaw ka pa lang, Levi. Hindi pa pwede ang halik.” paalala ko sa kanya kahit na nagustuhan ko naman ang ginawa niya.

But sometimes, I need to take things slow. Dahil ang mabilis na nakukuha, ay mabilis ring nawawala.

“What? Are you serious?” he hissed like a spoiled kid na napagsabihan ng magulang.

“I’m serious. Kung gusto mong maging tayo, susunod ka sa mga sasabihin ko.”

I know he’s older than me, but I still need to tame him. It might get difficult but I need to do it.

“Kahit halik, bawal?” pinatulan naman niya ang mga batas ko. Ngumuso pa siya at napansin kong nakakulong na ako sa mga braso niya.

“Yes. Kissing is only for couples. Hindi pa naman tayo couple, ’di ba?” pagpapaalala ko sa kanya dahil baka advance siyang mag-isip.

At the end of the day I took Kimpoy’s advice. At isa pa, wala rin namang mawawala kung susubukan kong bigyan siya ng pagkakataon.

“I don’t think you understand exactly how much I want your lips.” he whispered in his hoarse voice, getting impatient.

“Mahahalikan mo lang ulit ako ’pag sinagot na kita.” tugon ko.

Kung susundin niya ang napakaliit na pabor na ito, ibig sabihin ay mas importante ang nararamdaman niya para sakin kaysa sa tawag ng laman.

“I really want to kiss you, and not just on the lips. Kahit once a day lang, hindi pwede?” pinisil ko ang kanyang pisngi dahil nacu-cute-an na ako sa kanya.

Kung pagbibigyan ko siya, alam kong hindi siya papipigil. At isa pa, wala naman akong balak na patagalin ng sobra ang pangliligaw niya sakin. Kapag natimbang ko na ang lahat ay sasagutin ko rin siya. Ngunit kung hindi siya papayag, patitigilin ko na siya sa pangliligaw.

Maliit lang naman ang bagay na hinihingi ko. I just hope this man would be fine with it.

“Hindi pwede, Leviticus.”

He sighed but still, may bakas pa rin ng ngiti sa kanyang labi.

“Alright, fine. No kiss. But I can touch and hug you, that’s not part of the agreement you mentioned.”

I rolled my eyes at him. Talagang hindi magpapatalo ang lalaking ito at gagawa ng paraan upang maka-tsansing sa akin. Well, he’s kind of right, hindi ko nga nabanggit ang mga bagay na iyon. Dapat pala isinama ko na rin pati iyon, agad akong nagsisi.

“Fine..” I said without no choice but to agree with our arrangement.

“And you also have to promise me that you won’t let other guys kiss you. Yours lips are mine.” dagdag pa niya na halos ikatawa ko.

How the hell could he own something that easily? Hindi naman materyal na bagay ang aking labi upang ipagdamutan niya.

“Bakit naman ako magpapahalik sa iba? Sa iyo nga nagdadalawang isip ako, sa iba pa kaya? At hindi mo pa karapatan na angkinin ang labi ko, Levi.” I warned him but he just won’t surrender.

“I licked it, so it’s mine. Kissing other guys will mean breach of agreement so you have to immediately label me as your boyfriend.”

My jaw literally dropped as I can’t comprehend what he just said. Breach of agreement? Label him as my boyfriend? It seems like he’s taking this more seriously than me. He’s really into it.

“What? Are you serious?” I hissed in frustration, saka ko narealize na gayang-gaya ko ang boses niya kanina noong sinabihan ko siyang bawal humalik.

“I’m dead serious, Riley. Kaya kung gusto mong sumunod ako sa batas mo, susunod ka rin sa akin. There should be equality, right?” then he smirked like a demon.

“Okay, fine! But you have to promise that you won’t kiss anyone during the agreement, too!” dagdag ko, hindi nagpapatalo sa kanya.

This is just ridiculous. Para kaming mga bata na nagtatalo sa mga batas sa loob ng bahay.

“We’re all alone in this house Riley, who would you think I will kiss? Legend?” sarkastikong tanong niya.

Hindi ko napigilang sumabog ng tawa. What he said is totally ridiculous. Tapos iyong mukha pa niya ay parang seryoso.

“Siyempre, malay ko ba kung mayroong bumibisita sayo dito kapag wala ako?” tinaasan ko siya ng kilay kahit alam kong walang pag-asang makita niya iyon.

Hindi ko naiwasang mapatingin sa kanyang damit. Manipis kasi iyon kaya bumabakat ang magandang hubog ng kanyang katawan.

“You know that’s impossible. All I do is wait for you. Aside from thinking about you while on the shower, I’m not doing anything aside from those, Riley.”

Muli akong napanganga sa binanggit niya. Nag-init ang magkabilang pisngi ko. He’s thinking about me while he’s on the shower? Pinaglololoko ba ako nito? That’s so naughty!

I realized the naughty smirk on his face when I went silent for a moment.

“I don’t care whoever you think of inside the shower, Levi!” pag-irap ko sa kanya at saka ko kinapa ang aking nag-iinit na mukha.

“Next time, I won’t be thinking of it because you’re gonna join me..” dugtong pa niya na mas lalo kong ikinapula.

Hinampas ko ang braso niya at saka tumayo at kinuha ang baso ng hindi naubos na lemonade. Hindi na ako nakainom nito dahil sa kanya.

“Ewan ko sa’yo, Leviticus!” singhal ko sa kanya at saka tumakbo sa loob upang takasan siya. I can’t help but imagine what he’s thinking, too. Naughty!

I didn’t expect talking about our arrangement would end up dirty because of him!

Chapter 14 [Feelings]

And since we decided to have an arrangement, our setup became so different.

Whenever I go to school, lagi niya akong hinahatid. He even hired his own personal driver because he can’t always borrow Dante, Legend’s personal driver. Minsan ay sumasama pa siya, upang hindi makakuha ng atensyon sa school ay minsan ko siyang pinipigilan. Pero itong utak-negosyanteng lalaking ito ay lagi akong bina-blackmail sa mga kaalaman niya.

“What? Wala naman sa agreement natin ang bawal kang ihatid. Walang bawal sa ginagawa ko, Riley..” bulong niya habang magkatabi kami sa loob ng sasakyan.

I crossed my arms, pouting like a kid. Ito ang pangatlong beses na ihahatid niya ako patungong school. Hindi ko lang sinasabi sa kanya ang mga usapan sa school na nakakakita sa kanya.

“Bawal o hindi, this is not necessary Leviticus.” tumingin ako sa kanya, ang katawan niya’y nakaharap sa akin.

And he is just casually wearing a plain cream-colored button down and white shorts. Mukha siyang pupunta ng beach party. Kulang nalang ay magsuot siya ng shades para kumpleto na ang outfit niya.

“Nangliligaw nga ako, ’di ba? May nangliligaw ba na hinahayaan ang mahal niya sa lansangan mag-isa?”

Kahit walang kinakain ay nabulunan ako sa kanyang sinabi. I gave myself enough time to comprehend and digest his words.

Mahal.

Okay, pakiramdam ko’y babangon sa lupa ang asawa niya upang sabunutan ako. Worst case scenario, mumultuhin niya ako at hindi patatahimikin.

“Hindi naman ako mapapano, Levi. I can protect myself. I don’t need anyone’s protection.” I explained confidently as that is the truth.

I’ve lived by myself and I didn’t rely on anyone. Aside from the fact that I needed his house for a temporary stay, siguro kapag nakahanap ako ng tutuluyan ay aalis na rin ako sa puder niya.

Nang natahimik siya ay nagtataka akong lumingon sa kanya. I saw a trace of smirk on his lips. Anong nakakatuwa sa sinabi ko? Bahagyang namumula rin ang mga pisngi niya. Pinaglalaruan niya pa ang kanyang labi gamit ang mga daliri.

“Why is your face like that?” kuryoso kong tanong. I don’t get why he seemed so amused at this moment that I’m thinking of a way to get rid of him.

“Nothing. You just said that you don’t need any protection.” bigkas niya saka binasa ang ibabang labi.

Okay, totoo naman ang sinabi ko. Hindi ko maintindihan kung may mali ba sa nasabi ko o ano.

“What’s so wrong with it? Safe naman ako kaya hindi mo na kailangang mag-alala pa.” dagdag ko upang mas makampante siya at hayaan na mag-isa akong pumasok sa eskwela sa susunod.

“You’re safe?” ulit niya.

Muli akong bumaling sa kanya. Ano bang problema ng lalaking ito?

“Oo. Kasasabi ko lang ’di ba? Humihina na ba ’yang pandinig mo?” sarkastikong tanong ko sa kanya dahil may nakakairita pa ring ngisi sa labi niya.

“Good to know. I’m safe, too.” tugon niya na mas ikinalito ko.

Hindi ko nalang siya pinansin pa hanggang sa makarating kami sa tapat ng school. Like the usual, mayroon na namang mga mata ang nakatutok at nag-aabang sa aking paglabas.

“I’ll be waiting for you at home..” aniya bago ko isara ang pintuan ng sasakyan upang makaalis na sila.

Pumasok ako sa gate ng school at sa bandang harapan ng aming building ay may stone bench kung saan nakatambay ang aking grupo.

“Kita namin ’yun, Riless.” Kimpoy murmured habang sumisipsip sa kanyang yogurt drink.

“Iyon ba ang mangliligaw mo?” tanong ni Gael na sinisipat pa ang umalis na SUV sa labasan.

“Mukhang mayaman, pare..” bulong pa ni Renan sa kaibigan.

Tumabi ako kay Kimpoy at inayos ko ang mga gamit ko. Malapit na rin kasi ang aming exams kaya kailangan ko nang mag-aral nang mas maaga. Hindi ako pinanganak na matalino kaya kailangan kong magpursige.

“Mayaman talaga!” walang hiyang komento ni Kimpoy na alam ko namang sinasabi lang niya iyon upang inisin lalo si Gael.

Gael frowned at him, looking so pissed off.

“Anong nakita mo dun na wala sakin, Riley my loves?” kuryosong tanong ni Gael na mukhang interesado.

I raised my eyebrow as I wanted to laugh at his question. Kung ikukumpara, marami nga silang pinagkaibang dalawa. Gwapo naman itong si Gael, pero ang mukha ni Leviticus ay pang-billboard, pang-magazine, pwede rin siyang gawing modelo ng mga mamahaling underwear, ganoon ang deskripsyon ko sa kagwapuhan niya.

“Sige, enumerate mo nga Riles nang matahimik na itong si Gael..” pang-uudyok sa akin ni Kimpoy, sinamaan siya ng tingin ni Gael.

“Ina mo, Kimpoy! Ikaw ang tumahimik!” gigil na tugon niya sa katabi kong nagpipigil lamang ng tawa.

“Pare, alam mo namang off-limits ’yang si Riley…” side comment ni Renan saka tumingin sa akin.

“Stop! Wala na ba kayong ibang pwedeng pag-usapan bukod sakin?” inirapan ko silang tatlo upang maramdaman nila kung gaano ako ka-iritable ngayon.

“Ito kasing si Gael!” paninisi pa ni Kimpoy, tumigil lang siya nang kinurot ko siya sa tagiliran.

Inakbayan ni Renan si Gael dahil napaka-obvious na ng pagkaka-busangot ng mukha nito.

“And to clear your confusions, yes he’s my suitor. That’s it. I don’t need to elaborate on that.” pahayag ko upang matigil na sila.

“O, mangliligaw pala talaga pare, e. Naunahan ka na!” si Renan naman ang nang-alaska kay Gael.

Nakaramdam nalang ako ng awa kay Gael dahil pinagtutulungan siya ng dalawang ito.

“Naku, kulelat pala, e. Tsk tsk…” I stared daggers at Kimpoy, walang planong tumigil ang isang ’to e.

“Tss! Wala namang binatbat sakin ’yun! Baka ginagamit lang nun ang pera para mapa-oo itong si Riley! Tama! Ako, katawan pa lang mapapa-oo ko na itong si Ril—”

“Can we talk about anything aside from my personal life? Guys, come on!”

I shook my head in so much annoyance.

Kinalaunan ay pumasok na kami sa aming mga klase. Noong lunch time naman ay walang pinagkaiba sa mga nakaraang araw, madalas pa rin nilang asarin si Gael. Hindi ako nakikisali sa kanila dahil panay tungkol sa buhay ko ang trip nilang pag-usapan.

Nang matapos ang huli naming klase ay natagpuan ko ang parehong SUV na nakaparada sa labas ng school. I rolled my eyes at the sight of it. Natagpuan ko si Mang Elias na naninigarilyo sa isang gilid, tinapon niya iyon nang makita ako.

“May iba pa kayong pupuntahan, Ser?” tanong niya na pinagbuksan pa ako ng pintuan. He’s the personal driver Leviticus hired recently.

“Wala na po.” naupo ako sa loob at nakahinga ng maluwag dahil kahit paano’y wala ang kaluluwa ni Leviticus sa loob ng sasakyan.

Binuhay ni Mang Elias ang makina saka namin nilisan ang school. Nag-browse lang ako sa internet habang nasa biyahe, nagsaliksik rin ako ng tungkol sa obligations and contracts upang kahit paano’y hindi ako malamangan ni Leviticus. I know he’s using his skill to win me over and I won’t let him win without putting up a good fight.

Nang makarating sa bahay ay tumakbo ako papasok. No one’s inside the living and dining room. Hindi na ako nagtungo sa hardin dahil alam kong naroroon siya. Instead, I walked up the stairs towards my room.

I shut the door right away, nang makapasok sa aking silid. I removed my bag and unbuttoned my uniform when I found Leviticus sitting on my bed.

“Holy shit!”

Sa gulat ko ay napahiyaw ako at napapikit sa takot. Pagdilat ko’y naroon pa rin siya. His head is directed on me, emotionless.

“Anong ginagawa mo rito sa loob ng kwarto ko?” I asked him out of frustration.

His brows furrowed and his lips parted. That subtle movement made me tremble.

“Your room isn’t locked and it isn’t part of the agreement that I can’t visit your room.” aniya, muli akong napanganga nang banggitin na naman niya ang punyetang agreement.

“You’re so into that agreement, huh? Ganyan mo rin ba niligawan ang asawa mo? Bounding her thru a contract?” I questioned with sarcasm as I tried to button back my shirt.

Kumurap-kurap siya ng ilang beses, napansin kong mas mahaba pa ang mga pilik niya kaysa sakin. This world is so unfair.

“I didn’t court her..” tugon niyang ikinatigil ko. Napakunot ako ng noo, anong ibig niyang sabihin roon? Na hindi siya nangligaw?

“It was an arranged marriage.”

Napatango ako nang mas maintindihan ang relasyon niya sa kanyang naging asawa. I didn’t know arranged marriages are still happening in this modern era.

“But I learned how to love her eventually..” dugtong pa niya, nakaramdam ako ng pait na hindi ko malaman kung saan nanggaling.

Bahagyang lumungkot ang kanyang mukha ngunit kalaunan ay naaninag ko ang sumibol na ngiti sa kanyang mga labi.

“I’ve loved her to the point that I thought no one could replaced her in my heart. But you are the exception, Riley. You’re making me feel things that I wasn’t supposed to feel, but I started to love what you’re doing to me, your effect on me. I could even start fires with what I feel for you…”

I stared at him longingly. I never thought he could be this sentimental. Isa-isa kong natututunan ang kanyang tunay na katauhan. It looked like he can change his mood effectively when it’s only necessary, and thinking about it amazed me.

“Talking to you, laughing with you, and being with you changes my whole mood.”

Nakatayo lamang ako sa kanyang harapan. Unti-unti kong kinain ang distansya namin at mas nilapitan siya. I held his face, I felt his arms snaked on my waist as he raised his head.

I don’t understand why I feel like he’s so damaged and I need to save him. And saving him means that I need to be with him. I need to give in. I need to surrender. I need to lose every damn reason.

“Leviticus, you just sounded so lovely..” nakangiti kong bulong sa kanyang tainga.

I bit my lower lip, trying to stop myself from thinking about nasty things with him because that would break our agreement. As much as I want to take things very slowly, if he keeps on doing this I might give him what he wants without hesitation.

But I need to be smart. If we’re meant to be together, it will happen no matter what.

“Damn, you have no idea how much I want to kiss you right now…” he hissed and shook his head. “This is driving me insane, you’re driving me insane..” dagdag pa niyang bulong.

Humigpit pa ang kanyang pagkakahawak sa aking baywang. That’s all he could do, though. Because he knows to himself that he can’t kiss me right now or even do things beyond that.

“Gaano ka na ba katagal walang… sex?” natutuwang tanong ko sa kanya saka hinaplos nang marahan ang kanyang buhok, nakatayo pa rin sa kanyang harapan habang nakaupo siya sa kama.

“Fuck, don’t even ask me that question.” aniya at ibinaba ang tingin.

“Why not?” I was actually seducing him, I wasn’t sure if it’s effective because he won’t show any emotion aside from avoiding my question.

“Stop this, I know what you’re trying to do, Riley. You’re making me break the damn agreement.” matigas niyang tugon.

I smirked and contained my laughter. Namumula na ang kanyang mukha, halatang nagpipigil sa kung ano mang nararamdaman niya. He’s really invested on that agreement, he really wants me, huh?

“If you don’t stop this seduction, I couldn’t help but dream of having sex with you on a regular basis. And thinking of your lips makes me wonder what the rest of you would taste like…” he whispered while licking his lips on a slow manner.

Napunit ang ngiting nakarehistro sa aking mukha. Now, he’s the one who’s turning the table.

“You’re making me break the agreement, too huh?” nakangisi kong tanong pero umirap din ako pagkatapos dahil iba ang epekto ng mga salitang iyon kung sa bibig niya manggagaling. It sounded so sexy and I’m trying so hard to continue resisting.

“Picturing you naked is the most productive thing I’ve done all day..” ngayo’y nakangisi na siya na parang demonyo.

“Stop it, Leviticus..”

“If you could read my mind right now, you would be having an orgasm..”

“Holy son of a… Leviticus!” pinisil ko ang kanyang tagiliran at saka tinakpan na ang kanyang bibig upang hindi na siya makapagsalita.

I can’t remain listening to his words of seduction. I wanted to seal his lips with mine so bad but doing that would end us up into something naughtier. But not yet, ayaw ko munang tumuloy doon. I’m still enjoying this phase. This phase of chasing. This phase of resistance. This phase of discovering more emotions we didn’t know existed.

Kinagat niya nang marahan ang aking kamay kaya inalis ko iyon sa bibig niya. What the…

“See? You can’t even take it. So don’t provoke me, or else you’ll regret it..” tumayo siya mula sa pagkakaupo at nagulat ako nang itulak niya ako sa kama.

Our positions switched. Siya na ngayon ang nakatayo at ako na ang nasa kama. He just stood there and I got so confused why he pushed me on the bed.

“Next time, we’re not just gonna talk about it. But we’re gonna execute it.” he said as he take his shirt off and leaves the room.

Hindi ko mapigilang bumunghalit sa magkahalong inis at tuwa. Nagawa pa niyang maghubad ng damit upang akitin ako bago siya umalis.

Pagsapit ng kinagabihan ay bumaba ako ng sala. Nagmamaktol na ang aking tiyan nang matagpuan ko si Leviticus sa kusina. He’s drinking a beer while I went towards the fridge to find something to cook.

“Kumain ka na ba?” kaswal kong tanong sa kanya habang inihahanda ang mga ingredients sa isang tabi.

Nakatungo siya habang nakahawak sa beer-in-can, this is the first time I saw him drinking alcohol. He used to be violent before but since he started to invest feelings with me, he’s more in-line now.

“Hindi pa, hinihintay kitang bumaba para magsabay na tayo.” sagot naman niya.

Pa-fall talaga ang isang ’to, mabuti nalang at malakas ang self-control ko kaya hindi agad ako nagpapahulog sa kanya.

“Anong gusto mong kainin?” my question didn’t sound normal to him, dahil napansing kong umangat na naman ang kanyang labi at napangiti ng nakakaloko.

“Forget about the question, you don’t have to answer. I’ll just cook anything I can find here..” napailing ako ng ilang beses.

I reminded myself to be more cautious and careful with my word usage. Men like him would make everything sound dirty.

Nagpaka-abala nalang ako sa pagluluto habang siya’y nakaupo lang sa bandang likuran ko. I didn’t know how many cans of beer he already drank, but he still looked sober so I just let him.

“Did you have boyfriends in the past?” he initiated a casual but a bit intrusive conversation.

Hindi ako lumingon sa kanya at nagpatuloy lang sa pagluluto.

“Of course, I had.”

Nang kumukulo na ang aking niluluto ay inalis ko ang takip at saka ito hinalo.

“You sounded so proud, huh? How many?”

Inamoy ko ang aroma ng niluluto ko. Mas lalong nagmaktol ang aking tiyan sa gutom.

“Two ex-boyfriends.” direktang sagot ko.

He didn’t utter for a minute. Nang matapos sa pagluluto ay nagsimula naman akong maghanda ng mga kasangkapan sa lamesa.

“That’s enough exes, I should be your last.” this time nakuha na niya ang buong atensyon ko kaya bumaling ako sa kanya habang nagsasalin ng malamig na tubig sa pitcher.

“You sounded so sure, huh?” ginaya ko ang tono niya kanina.

Nang makapaghain na ay nagsimula na kaming kumain. I was just watching him while chewing the food on my mouth wondering why he’s so into me. Ayaw ko mang isipin na ang laki ng ulo ko, pero sa dinami-rami ng lalaki ay siya pa talaga ang mahuhumaling sa akin?

“You’re staring again, why won’t you just kiss me?” he teased, making me lose my self-control once again. Sa aming dalawa, ako talaga ang mas mahina.

“In your dreams, Levi..” I chuckled softly.

“What is wrong with me? I mean seriously, bakit mo pa pinatatagal ito? Imposible namang hindi mo ako gusto a—”

“Excuse me? Sinong nagsabi sayong gusto kita?” pag-agap ko sa gitna ng pagsasalita niya.

“I kissed you before, and you didn’t resist. You didn’t slap me or anything. It’s so obvious that you want me too.” proud niyang sinabi na akala mo’y mas hinihikayat niya akong mapagtanto sa sarili kong gusto ko nga siya.

I just shook my head, continued eating. Yes, I have feelings for him. But just because I have feelings for him doesn’t mean that I have to dive in with him and do all the things we can think of. I just needed to take a pause to think if this feelings are true and sincere.

Most relationships don’t work because they let their feelings get in the way and then lose it tomorrow afterwards. If you’re gonna get into a relationship, you have to make sure that you’re ready and your feelings are not gonna be inconsistent. If we’re going to invest into something, we should think twice if it’s gonna be worth-risking and if it’s really what we need. It doesn’t hurt to give it the benefit of the doubt and not take everyting all at once.

“You know what, let’s flip a coin. Heads, I’m yours. Tails, you’re mine. Deal?”

I bursted into laughter by hearing what he suggested. Any result of his suggestion would end us up being together, is he serious?

“See? I can even make you laugh. Next time, I will make you moan.”

Hinampas ko ang braso niya. Siraulong ito. Nauwi na naman sa kadumihan ang usapan dahil sa kanya.

“You’re crazy! Why won’t you just let me have my time?” bigkas ko.

Dahil sa relasyong ito, alam kong ako ang magiging talunan sa huli. Let’s say if we end up as a couple and then break up afterwards, siya ay may babalikan pa dahil may anak siya. Ako naman ay wala. I’m just alone and all by myself, kaya dehado ako kung sakali.

That’s why I want to think of it thoroughly.

“And why won’t you just try and see if we’re gonna work?” sabat naman niya.

May punto naman siya roon kaya napaisip rin ako. He’s really putting up a good fight with his convincing words.

“If we work, then that’s good. But if not, then I’ll let you go, peacefully..” dagdag pa niya.

Tinitigan ko siyang mabuti, hindi naniniwala sa sinasabi niya. I’m not stupid to believe that he’s gonna let me go peacefully. Ngayon pa lang ay ramdam ko na ang umaalab niyang pagsusumamo. And once na bumigay ako, alam kong wala na akong kawala.

I had two relationships and I got hurt, and it wasn’t okay with me. And if I let myself give in to Leviticus, gusto kong malaman na kahit saktan niya ako ay okay lang.

If my feelings for him are true, even if he hurts me, that’s gonna be fine with me.

And if something’s really meant to be, it will happen. In the right time, with the right person, for the best reason.

Chapter 15 [Love]

The next weekend came by so fast.

Like the usual, maaga akong gumising upang intindihin ang mga trabaho. Una akong naglinis ng kalat sa sala at sa kusina. Hinuli ko ang garden dahil maraming ta-trabahuin doon.

I did some stretching before I took the pool cleaner net to remove the dirts on the swimming pool. Iyon ang inuna kong linisan sa garden dahil ayon sa kataas-taasang may-ari ng bahay ay may bisita raw siya mamaya. I can’t think of any visitor aside from his brother Legend.

After the pool has been cleaned, sinunod ko ang pagbubunot ng mga ligaw na damo sa paligid. I checked some of the withered plants, and watered the remaining plants. Sunod ko namang pinagkaabalahan ay ang mga matataas na halaman, kinuha ko ang pruning scissors upang i-trim ang mga iyon.

Habang abala ako sa ginagawa ay doon naman ang pagdating ng mga bisita. Ibinaba ko saglit ang aking hawak at saka pinanood ang dalawang lalaking bago sa paningin ko.

There were Leviticus and Legend followed by the two other guys. Nag-uusap ang mga ito. Legend motioned me to come over when he saw me.

Nalaman kong may ipag-uutos pala si Legend kaya niya ako pinalapit. But before I head off, he introduced the two unfamiliar faces to me. Not that it was needed, I didn’t know why Legend had to do that, though.

“This is Giovannus Montenegro, pinsan namin.” pinakilala ni Legend ang isang lalaki na bahagyang nag-angat ng labi at nakipagkamay sa akin. He looked younger than me.

“And this is Leonardo Montenegro, his cousin.” tinanggap ko naman ang kamay ng isa pang lalaki na mukhang kaedaran ni Leviticus.

“Riley Alveo, nice to meet you.”

Leonardo looked more congenial compared to the younger guy. But they were both good looking. Leviticus was just silently waiting for a miracle to happen until I remembered what Legend ordered me to do.

Pumasok ako sa loob ng bahay. Naghanda ako ng makakain nila. I turned on the espresso machine while preparing Levi’s famous chai tea. I placed the bagels in a tray with other three cups of cappucinos.

I went back to the pergola and served their food and coffee on the round table. I carefully placed Levi’s tea in front of him. They didn’t mind my presence as they were talking about business matters.

“I think we should invest more on this project, besides we have enough contractors to get this done..” I heard Leonardo said while skimming a paper on his hand.

“Some of the contractors pulled out, Leo.” banggit naman ni Legend.

“What? Why?” tanong pabalik ni Leonardo.

Hindi na ako nakinig sa pinag-uusapan nila dahil kailangan ko nang bumalik sa tina-trabaho ko kanina. Ngunit bago tuluyang makaalis ay napansin ko ang mga mata ni Leviticus na malikot at parang may hinahanap.

“You need something?” I asked him. The other three men continued their discussion.

“No.” he beamed a smile as he sipped on his tea.

Tumango lang ako bago tuluyang lumayo at iwan sila roon. Bumalik ako sa pag-trim ng mga malalagong halaman habang paminsan-minsan ang sulyap sa kinaroroonan ng apat.

Umabot ng dalawang oras ang seryosong diskusyon nila bago naunang umalis ang dalawang bisita. Ayon kay Leviticus ay aalis rin sila kalaunan dahil kailangan sila sa kompanya. I feel there’s something wrong with the business.

“Hindi ko alam kung anong oras ako makakauwi. You’re gonna be here all day, right?” nasa kwarto ako ni Leviticus habang pinapanood siyang inaayos ang kanyang kurbata.

Legend is downstairs waiting for him to get dressed.

“Saan ko naman balak pumunta? Dito lang ako, hintayin nalang kitang makabalik.” I whispered with enough sarcasm and then pouted like a kid.

“Gusto ko sanang manatili dito pero kailangan ako sa kompanya. Don’t worry, sometimes it’s good that you miss me.” umangat ang kanyang labi na ikinairita ko.

Here we go again and his unsolicited words of seduction. Hindi ko naman siguro siya mami-miss dahil hindi naman siya magtatagal roon at babalik rin. But something about his absence makes me feel a little bit… worried..

Mas sanay kasi ako na siya lagi ang naiiwan rito sa bahay, at ngayon ako naman ang iiwan niyang mag-isa rito. It’s not that my mood depends on him, funny thing that I almost convinced myself that I wasn’t dependent of him but here I am… worried on how I’m gonna cope with my day without him.

Am I being too dramatic?

“I’m not gonna miss you. Kahit ilang araw ka pang mawala..” labas sa ilong kong tugon at saka humalukipkip. I was sitting pretty on his bed while he’s getting himself dressed.

Kasalukuyan siyang nagsusuot ng kanyang relo nang bumungisngis siya ng mahina. I don’t understand what he’s laughing about.

“You say that but your tone didn’t match. You sounded so lonesome without me, Riley. Ngayon, parang ayaw ko na tuloy umalis..” ngumuso siya at saktong humarap siya sa aking gawi.

“Pagod lang ako sa ginawa ko kanina. I’m not lonely, mabuti na nga ring mawawala ka para naman masolo ko itong bahay. I can do what I want!” tumango ako ng ilang beses, kumbinsidong tama ang aking sinabi at iyon ang nararapat na paniwalaan.

I shouldn’t be dramatic just because of his absence.

“What do you mean by that?”

“I mean, doing what I want. I can even bring friends here. Guy friends!” nagpigil ako ng tawa nang malukot ang kanyang mukha. Nagsalubong pa ang kanyang kilay.

“Don’t you dare bring home another guy in my household, Riley. I’m telling you..”

I was just joking though but he took it seriously. Bawal na bang magbiro?

“Why not?” panghahamon ko sa kanya.

Buryo na siguro si Legend sa ibaba dahil pinatatagal ko itong pag-uusap namin ng kanyang kapatid.

“I’m just warning you. Remember that we have an arrangement?”

Now that he opened that up, might as well push his buttons a little bit more.

“The arrangement is not to let other guys kiss me. There was no rule that I couldn’t make friends with them or hang out with them.”

At heto na naman kami sa pagtatalo tungkol sa mga dapat at hindi dapat.

“Riley…” may diin sa kanyang tono.

“Fine. I was just kidding. Hindi naman ako magdadala ng ibang tao rito. Ipagpapatuloy ko nalang ang paglilinis ko kanina.” bahagya akong sumimangot dahil paniguradong mabuburyo ako nito buong araw.

Leviticus has been my distraction for the past few weeks. Hindi ako nabuburyo kapag kasama ko siya. Masaya naman siyang kasama at nae-entertain ako. But I also have to understand that he has other things to do. I have to understand that I’m not his only priority.

I said that genuinely, hindi naman ako selfish. Ayaw ko namang ipagdamot siya. At isa pa, we’re not really official. Hindi ko pa nga siya sinasagot, so I shouldn’t be demanding.

“Do you want me to stay?” tanong niya, naupo siya sa kama sa tabi ko. Nakahilig na ang kanyang katawan sa akin.

Close enough for me to feel his intense presence.

“It’s really okay, Levi. You have work to attend to. I’ll just find other things to get myself distracted.”

Mas humilig pa siya. Hindi naman ako umatras dahil alam kong hindi niya ako hahalikan, because that would break our agreement. Marahan niyang pinisil ang aking pisngi. His fingertips traced my lips, hinayaan ko siyang gawin iyon.

“I’ll be home early, I promise..” he said sensually as he removed his hand on my face and stood up.

Sinundan ko siya pababa ng living room. Napansin ko ang nakahilatang si Legend sa sofa na mukhang pagod na sa kahihintay sa kapatid. Tumayo na rin ito nang makita kaming pababa.

“Finally..”

Legend winked at me before they head towards the door. May naghihintay na SUV sa labas, napansin ko si Mang Dante na pinagbuksan si Legend ng pintuan.

“Goodbye kiss?” biro pa ni Leviticus nang makapasok sa loob ang kapatid at maiwan kaming dalawa.

Ang ngiti ko’y umabot sa aking mga mata.

“Just kidding. I’ll be home after.” paalam niya.

“Mag-iingat kayo!” kumaway pa ako sa kanila habang paalis na ang sasakyan.

Nang maiwan akong mag-isa sa bahay ay nagpasya akong tapusin na lamang ang naiwan kong trabaho kanina. I finished trimming the plants, nang matapos roon ay bumalik na ako sa loob at nagtungo sa aking kwarto upang mag-shower.

Ang pananghalian naman ang pin-roblema ko kaya nagtungo ako sa kusina upang magluto ng aking lunch. And since I was all alone for lunch, nag-prito nalang ako ng kahit ano.

The whole house is so quiet. Not that Leviticus is loud, but it’s just a different feeling when he’s around. And here I am eating my lunch, thinking of him again.

Susubo pa lang sana ako nang magulantang ako sa pagtunog ng telepono. It was the main telephone in the living room. Tumigil ako saglit sa pagkain at sinagot ang tumatawag.

“Leviticus?” sagot nito sa kabilang linya. Buo at malalim ang boses nito.

“I’m sorry, Leviticus is not around. He’s at the company.” tugon ko naman.

“Alright. Wait, who are you? Why are you the one answering the call?” naguguluhang tanong nito.

Nakaramdam ako ng kaba ngunit tinimpi ko iyon.

“I’m Riley, I’m living with him.” walang pakundangang sagot ko.

Sumandal ako sa pader habang nakapatong sa aking pandinig ang telepono.

“Excuse me, you’re what? Why are you living with my son?”

Dahil doon ay natigilan ako. I was stunned, I didn’t expect I was talking to his… father…

Shoot!

“S-Son? You’re Leviticus’ f-father po?” nangangatal kong tanong, kinakagat ko na ang aking ibabang labi dahil sa nerbiyos.

“This is Levinne Torralba and you said that you’re living with my son?” pakilala nito na may kakaibang diin sa kanyang boses.

Hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang beses na akong lumunok. Para akong nabulunan sa nalaman. And to think that I even mentioned I am living with his son. I’m doomed!

“N-No, Sir. I mean I’m a worker. I’m the gardener in his house..” nakapikit kong sinabi habang kumukuha ng lakas ng loob.

The gardener that your son is courting, what the fuck.

“Oh, okay. I thought… Anyway, pakisabi nalang iho na tumawag ako. Salamat.” ang huling sinabi niya bago ibaba ang tawag.

Bumawi ako ng hininga dahil sa pagpipigil kanina. Nanginginig pa rin ang kamay ko nang ibaba ang telepono. His father seemed authoritative but there was a tinge of gentleness on his voice. Pretty much like his son.

Bumalik ako sa dining table upang ipagpatuloy ang naudlot na pagkain. Medyo nawalan na ako ng gana dahil hindi pa rin ako makabalik sa tamang wisyo. I just had a conversation with his father. I don’t know what to feel, though.

“Holy f…” napamura ako sa gulat nang ang cellphone ko naman ang tumunog.

Pinulot ko ito at nang mabasa ang pangalan ni Leviticus sa screen ay agad ko itong sinagot.

“Hey…” his voice husky on the other line.

“Hey..” tugon ko naman habang nakatitig sa aking plato.

Para kaming mga bata na nagkakahiyaan pang magbatian. May kaunting ingay akong naririnig sa kanyang background, parang mga taong nag-uusap.

“How are you doing so far?”

I pursed my lips. Gusto ko sanang sabihin na nakausap ko ang ama niya ilang segundo lamang ang nakalilipas. Pero sasabihin ko nalang mamayang pag-uwi niya dahil wala pa ako sa tamang wisyo para pag-usapan iyon.

“I’m eating my lunch. Are you in a meeting? I hear people talking on your background..”

Narinig ko ang mahinang pagsimsim niya. Animo’y tumalon ang aking puso sa hindi malamang dahilan. But deny it to myself or not, his voice kinda relieves my stress and boredom.

“I’m in the conference room, the meeting is not yet starting. I just called to check on you..”

Kahit ’di ko nakikita ang sarili ay alam kong napapangiti na ako na parang asong ulol. Ang sweet ng ulupong na ito, sabagay nangliligaw naman siya kaya dapat lang na gawin niya ang mga bagay na ito.

“Okay lang naman, Lev. Pagkatapos kong kumain, baka matulog nalang siguro ako o maglinis nalang ulit.” aside from those things, wala na talaga akong maisip na iba pang pagkakaabalahan.

Siya kasi dapat ang pagkakaabalahan ko kung hindi lang siya umalis.

I was expecting that I will spend this day with him, but since he needs to leave, now I can’t think of anything else to do.

“Stop with the cleaning, the house is already clean. Huwag kang masyadong magpagod. Para pag-uwi ko ay may enerhiya ka pa para sakin..”

Para akong timang na napaisip sa kanyang sinabi. Enerhiya para saan ang tinutukoy nito?

“What do you mean by that? Leviticus, you know we can’t do anything yet like what you’re thinking. Remember the agreem—”

“I wasn’t thinking what you were thinking, Riley. Damn, I was just thinking of seeing you and talking to you. Sa ating dalawa, ikaw ang madalas na mag-isip ng ganyan..” he chuckled softly on the other line.

I frowned.

“Whatever. Anyway, kumain ka na rin ba?” iniliko ko na ang usapan.

“Kakain na rin ako mamaya pagkatapos nitong meeting. Hiling ko lang na sana kasingsarap ng luto mo ang mga pagkain dito..”

Come on, can he stop flirting with me? Dahil kaunti nalang talaga ay bibigay na ako, e. Gusto ko siyang murahin upang patigilin. Inalala ko nalang ang agreement namin. Kaunting panahon pa, mahuhulog na rin ako sa kanya.

As if hindi pa ako hulog na hulog sa kanya? Sinong niloko ko?

“Alright, I’ll just call later. The meeting’s about to start..” aniya na mukhang magpapaalam na kaya nakaramdam ulit ako ng kalungkutan.

Hindi na talaga maaari ito. I’m getting dependent on him.

“Okay.”

“Alright, take care then. I love you..”

Literal na akong nabulunan kung kaya’t tinakbo ko pa ang fridge upang kumuha ng tubig. Did he just… Did he just tell me he loves me?

“You don’t need to say it back, Riley. No pressure. I just want to tell you how I feel..”

After how many seconds of silence, he ended the phone call. Kinuha ko ulit ang bote ng tubig at saka ibinuhos ito sa aking mukha.

“Fuck!”

Nanginig ako sa lamig nito. Nag-iinit na kasi ako kanina kaya kinailangan kong mabuhusan nitong malamig na tubig. Leviticus is just…. lovely.. Paanong hindi ako mahuhulog sa kanya?

Nagpaulit-ulit ang mga huling salita niya sa utak ko. I shook my head to stop thinking about that. It was just normal for him to say that since he’s making me fall for him. I shouldn’t overreact.

Upang tigilan ko ang pag-iisip kay Leviticus ay nagpasya akong mag-aral na lamang ng baking. I checked the cabinets and the cupboards. Kumpleto sa kagamitan itong kusina niya. May mga gamit rin pang-baking. I suddenly wonder if he knows how to bake?

Kinuha ko ang mga kagamitan at nag-browse ako sa internet kung paano gumawa ng apple pie. Iyon ang napag-planuhan kong matutunan. Para pag-uwi ni Leviticus ay mayroon siyang makakain na kakaiba naman.

Inihanda ko ang mga ingredients. Sinunod ko ang lahat ng sinabi sa recipe. Tinakal ko ng mabuti ang harina at asukal. Kumuha rin ako ng lemon juice upang ihalo sa mixture ng asukal at mga hiniwang mansanas para sa filling.

Inabot ako ng mahigit tatlong oras sa ginagawa. I realized it’s fine since I’m still a beginner. And I didn’t know baking takes a lot of time and patience. Isinalang ko ang unang pie sa oven at hinintay itong maluto.

Alright, take care then. I love you..

I shook my head once again as Levi’s voice keeps invading my head. That man can easily corrupt my system and I can’t even control it. Kinagat ko ang aking mga kuko. Gaya ng sinabi niya, hindi dapat ako ma-pressure. I don’t need to say it back.

Pero niloloko ko ang sarili dahil muntik ko pa iyong sagutin kanina kung hindi lang siya agad sumabat. Baka nasabi ko na ring mahal ko siya.

Good god!

Because of my daydreaming, I didn’t notice that the pie is still in the oven. Dali-dali akong nagsuot ng mittens at kinuha ang nalutong apple pie sa oven.

And it isn’t good based on how it looked. Nasunog ang ibabaw nito. Kumuha ako ng bread knife at sinubukang hiwain ito sa gitna. Doon ko nalamang nasunog din pala ang filling sa loob. It’s such a waste.

I set it aside and put the next pie on the oven. Napa-buntong hininga ako nang malalim habang pinagmamasdan ang nasunog na pie. Hindi na ito mukhang apple pie. It looked like a blackberry pie instead because of its color.

You don’t need to say it back, Riley. No pressure. I just want to tell you how I feel..

Leviticus’ words played on my mind again. Somehow, I feel at ease thinking that he won’t like to put pressure on me. Kahit na pressured na pressured na talaga ako. Napailing-iling ako sa kawalan.

Hindi ko na naman namalayan ang oras at huli na nang maalala ang isinalang na apple pie sa oven. Nang kuhain ko ito ay bahagyang nasunog rin. Ang sabi kasi sa internet ay 50 minutes daw itong iwan sa oven at hintayin ang pag-golden brown nito.

Pero sa kahihintay ko ay hindi naman ito nagmumukhang golden brown. Kaya nauuwi ito sa literal na brown.

Ilang oras pa ang lumipas.

Sa pangatlong salang ko ay binilangan ko na itong mabuti. Nakasandal ako sa counter at hindi umalis sa harapan ng oven. Hindi ko na namalayan kung anong oras na dahil ang buong atensyon ko ay nasa oven. Sinisilip ko ang pie sa loob at ang ibabaw nito kung golden brown na nga ba talaga ito.

“What’s that smell?”

Napatalon ako sa gulat nang mag-materialize sa harapan ko si Leviticus. The coat is on his arms, and he was just wearing the white button down. He looked so charming even after work.

“Nag-aral akong mag-bake.”

Sinundan niya ang amoy hanggang sa tumigil siya sa harapan ng mga naunang sunog na pie.

“Really? Let me have a taste. I’m so hungry…” aniya at nahawakan niya pa ang lalagyan ng isang sunog na pie.

“S-Sunog ang isang ’yan, Levi. Hintayin mo na itong huling nakasalang.”

He pursed his lips and didn’t stop from getting a spoon and knife. Balak ba niya talagang kainin iyong sunog?

“Let’s see…”

Sinubukan kong agawin sa kanya iyong sunog na apple pie ngunit mabilis ang kanyang kamay na iniwas ito.

“Sunog nga ’yan, Lev! Hindi masarap ’yan!”

Lumayo siya sakin at saka kumuha ng isang piraso roon sa sunog na pie. Agad niyang tinikman iyon. Pinanood ko siyang ngumuya. I waited for his reaction but he went emotionless for a brief moment.

“This tastes like burnt rice…” komento niyang ikinairita ko.

“I told you! Sunog nga kasi ’yan..”

Nalilito akong tumingin sa kanya nang kumuha pa ulit siya ng isang piraso at tinikman ulit iyon. He chewed it and licked his lips after.

“What pie is this?”

“Apple pie ’yan!” naiinis kong tugon.

Binalikan ko iyong huling nakasalang na mukhang hindi pa luto at binalingan siya ng tingin pagkatapos.

“I can’t taste the apple. This tastes bitter..” aniya habang nguya ng nguya.

“Are you serious? Bakit mo pa kinakain ’yan? That is rejected!”

Nag-uumapaw na ang aking iritasyon. Samantalang siya’y nangingiti pa habang kinakain iyong sunog na apple pie. Kabig niya pa ang lalagyan na animo’y aagawin ko sa kanya.

“Hindi masarap.” nakangisi niyang tugon.

This man is unbelievable! Did he get home just to piss me off? Sana pala hindi nalang siya umuwi! This is driving me crazy!

Chapter 16 [Slowpoke]

Matalim ang mga tinging ipinupukol ko kay Leviticus habang sumisimsim siya sa kanyang tsaa. We’re currently eating our breakfast. Ayaw ko mang saluhan siya ay mapilit ang lalaking ito kaya wala akong nagawa.

I’m still in bad mood because he pissed me off last night. Kung alam ko lang sanang lalaitin niya iyong pinaghirapan kong i-bake ay hindi ko na dapat pinag-aksayahan pa ng oras iyon.

“Alright, I’m gonna talk to the Montenegros. They might have a brighter idea about this.” he’s on the phone, kaya malaya akong panoorin siya.

Mahigpit ang hawak ko sa aking tinidor, nagpipigil dahil nagawa niya pa ulit akong asarin kanina tungkol doon. Mabuti na lamang at papasok ako ngayon sa school kaya makakaiwas ako sa kanya.

“No, but they have to know. The merger happened because of you, so we should deal with them too..”

Nakikinig lang ako sa pakikipag-usap niya sa telepono. I have an intuition that he’s talking to his brother Legend. Yumuko ako at pinagtutusok ko ang pancake gamit ang tinidor, trying to visualize Levi’s face on it.

“Yeah, okay. Fine, let me call you in an hour.”

He puts down the phone and sighed deeply, like he’s tired of something.

“Everything’s okay?” nag-aalala kong tanong sa kanya, sa ngayon ay kalilimutan ko muna ang pagkakainis sa kanya.

“Yeah. May natira pa ba sa apple pie mo kagabi?”

At kung kailan ako nagpasyang kalimutan at isantabi ang inis ay muli na namang nabubuhay ang iritasyon ko dahil sa sinabi niya. Ang mas nakakainis pa ay ang bahid ng ngiti sa kanyang labi. His famous smirk that tells me he’s enjoying my annoyance.

“Wala na!”

Umismid ako at binilisan ko lalo ang pag-ubos sa aking pagkain upang makaalis na sa pamamahay niya.

“I thought you baked many? Iyong sunog pa lang ang natikman ko, hindi ko pa nasubukan ’yong maganda ang pagkakaluto..” ngumunguso pa siya at halatang pinipigilan ang paglawak ng kanyang ngiti.

“Wala na! Tinapon ko na! Salamat sa mga insulto mo kagabi!” maanghang kong tugon.

Before, I was under the impression that he’s making me fall for him. Pero ano itong ginagawa niya ngayon? Does he really think I’m gonna like him if he keeps on annoying me?

“It was constructive. I wasn’t insulting your skills, I know you’re a beginner in baking and you should be open to feedbacks..” pahayag niya kahit alam kong labas sa ilong niya ’yon.

Dinadaan niya pa ako sa mabulaklak niyang pananalita gayong gusto lang talaga niya akong inisin.

“I never asked for your feedback. Sinabi ko naman sa’yong sunog pero sumige ka pa rin. Tapos sasabihin mong hindi masarap?!” nanggigigil kong sinabi.

As much as I would love to strangle him right now, looking at his robust built, I won’t win in a physical fight with him. It’s so unfair that I can’t get even with him.

Get even.

Suddenly, I thought of a wonderful idea.

“Dahil hindi naman talaga masarap. Would you like me to lie? I tried to taste it hoping that it was fine even though it got burned.” hindi ako nakinig sa mga katwiran niya.

“Pinaghirapan kong i-bake ’yun tapos iinsultuhin mo lang? I’m never gonna bake for you again. Hmp!”

Umismid akong muli. His lips parted when I refused to bake for him again, parang hindi nagustuhan ang kanyang narinig.

“Come on, Riley it wasn’t an insult. Maybe I was making fun of yo—”

“See?! Inamin mo rin hudas ka! You were making fun of me!”

I earned all the sarcasm in the world and put it on my words. Hindi ko palalampasin ito. It was an act of goodness. Hindi ako marunong mag-bake kaya sinubukan ko. I even warned him that it was burned but he still ate it.

“I…” he sighed in defeat. Mabagal niyang binasa ang kanyang labi.

“Are we gonna fight about your pie? Really?” dagdag niya sa pagod na boses.

Ayaw ko rin namang pag-usapan pa iyon at naiirita lang ako kapag maaalala pero siya naman itong nagsimula ng topic na ’yon.

“If you didn’t initiate the conversation about it, I wouldn’t be this furious, Leviticus.”

I crossed my arms once I was done eating. Wala na rin naman akong gana. Ang telepono ay hawak niya ngunit ang atensyon ay nasa akin. He was just casually wearing a dark blue chunky sweater, pero hulmadong-hulmado ang kanyang mga braso sa sleeves nito.

Kumakapal na rin ang balbas sa kanyang mukha. Nagmukha na siyang unggoy. Oo, unggoy dahil ang dami niyang balahibo sa katawan. Hinding hindi ko siya pupurihin ngayon dahil ginagalit niya ako.

“Alright, I’m sorry then. And please don’t stop baking. I would love you baking for me.”

Even though he’s trying to clear the bad air between us, I’m still not fully convinced. Maybe half of me is convinced, but I can’t still ignore the fact that he made fun of me.

Kung sa kanya ko kaya gawin iyon?

“I don’t really like when someone insults my work. I mean, natu-turn off ako bigla.” pagpaparinig ko habang pinagmamasdan ang aking mga kuko.

“W-What? I didn’t insul—”

“Ewan ko ba, kapag talagang naiinsulto ako ay nawawalan ako ng gana sa tao. Mabilis nagbabago ang nararamdaman ko..” I added just to make him feel guilty.

“I won’t do it again, I promise..” he leaned towards the edge of the table, closer to me.

“Kahit siguro mangako pang hindi na nila ulit gagawin ’yon, parang nasira na ’yung tiwala ko. Siguro dapat layuan ko nal—”

“Damn it, Riley! I said I’m sorry. Please, don’t get turned off!”

“Kung may katiting siguro akong nararamdaman para sa kanya, baka maglaho nalang ito na parang bula… tsk tsk..”

Lukot na lukot na ang mukha niya.

I bit my upper lip to suppress my laughter. If he could just see me right now, he would know that I was just fooling him. Nang hindi ko makayanan ay sumabog na talaga ako sa tawa.

From his worried and scared face, it turned into a baffled one. Nagtataka siguro kung bakit ako humahalakhak ngayon.

It took him a minute to know what’s really going on.

“Fuck! You’re messing up with me! I really thought you got turned off..” humina ang kanyang boses at namula sa kahihiyan.

Mukhang natakot sa ideyang na-turn off talaga ako sa kanya?

“Now, you know the feeling of making fun with someone, huh?” inismiran ko siya at saka tumayo upang umalis na.

“Goddamn. And where are you going?”

“Saan pa ba, edi sa school? Duh?” parang bata kong tugon sa kanya habang hindi ko maialis ang ngiti sa aking labi dahil naisahan ko siya.

Narinig ko pa ang pagtawag niya sa pangalan ko pero inignora ko na siya at saka lumabas ng pamamahay niya.

Serves him right.

This Torralba feels like he can dominate me. Well, I won’t let him do that easily.

Maingat kong binuksan ang gate palabas. Inayos ko ang strap ng aking bag. It’s a sunny day today, may kukunting ulap rin na kalat sa kalangitan.

Naglalakad ako sa isang kalye nang mapansin kong parang may sumusunod sakin. I turned around but I found nothing. I ignored it and continued walking.

Nang makarating ako sa school ay sinalubong ako ng akbay ni Kimpoy. Lagi kasi itong tambay sa harapan ng aming building kaya madali niya akong nahahanap.

“Foundation day na bukas, excited na ako!” anunsyo.

Dahil sa pagiging abala ko sa mangliligaw, hindi ko na namamalayan ang mga events namin sa school. Hindi rin naman kasi ako aktibo sa ganitong mga event at hindi ako sumasali sa anumang patimpalak. I’m just really an ordinary student.

“Si Gael sumali sa basketball e, si Renan naman sa sepak kasali. Wala ka bang sinalihan, Riles?” nakaangkla ang kamay ni Kimpoy sa aking braso habang tinatahak namin ang daan sa malawak na soccer field.

“Wala, ’di naman ako mahilig sa mga ganyan.” bagot kong tugon.

Sumimangot siya sa tinuran ko.

“As usual. Ako kasali ako sa acads, babawi ako dahil natalo kami last year!”

Pinakinggan ko nalang ang mga kwento at hinaing niya tungkol sa pagkatalo nila noong nakaraang taon sa patalasan ng utak. Graduating na kami at ang goal ko ay ang makatapos na upang magkaroon na ako ng disenteng trabaho.

Naupo kami sa bleachers habang pinapanood ang mga naglalaro ng soccer sa field. Bibihira kaming tumambay dito dahil pareho kami ni Kimpoy na walang hilig sa sports. Tanging ang dalawang lalaking kaibigan namin ang may hilig doon.

“Manood ka bukas, ah? I-cheer mo ako!” masayang wika niya kahit sa malayong field naman ako nakatingin.

“Oo na.”

Habang nasa malayo ang tingin ko ay hindi sinasadyang natanaw ko si Otep. May kasama itong babae na naglalakad papasok sa kanilang building. Graduating na rin siya sa kursong engineering.

Bigla tuloy sumagi sa isip ko noong inampon siya nila Mama at Papa noong walong taong gulang pa lang ako. We never had any fun memories together as siblings because since then, he’s always treating me as a competition. Hindi naman ako kasing galing at talino niya kaya hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit siya ganoon sakin.

Nakawala lamang ako sa malalim na iniisip nang mapansin ko ang gumugulong na soccer ball patungo sa direksyon ko. Nang mag-angat ako ng tingin ay nakita ko ang lalaking tumatakbo palapit sa amin. Upang hindi na ito mahirapan pa ay dinampot ko ang bola at ibinato ko ito sa kanya. Agad naman nitong nasalo ang bola. Pahapyaw itong ngumiti at nagpasalamat.

“Thanks!”

Nang tumalikod ito ay nabasa ko ang apelyido niya sa kanyang soccer uniform.

Verdejo.

Nanatili pa kami ng ilang minuto roon sa field bago nagpasyang dumalo na sa aming klase nang mag-ring ang bell.

I took two classes in the morning. Nang sumapit ang tanghalian ay kasama ko ang tatlo na naglunch sa cafeteria. Bukod sa patuloy na pang-aasar ni Kimpoy kay Gael ay pinag-uusapan naman nila ang event bukas.

May dalawang klase rin ako sa hapon na dinaluhan ko. I was never good at academics so I need to put more effort in listening to the professors, I even heard Otep running for summa in our near graduation.

Magdadapit hapon na nang nakauwi ako. Natagpuan ko si Leviticus na may kasamang tatlong lalaki sa living room. The other two guys are the same guys yesterday, Giovannus and Leonardo. While I remember the other guy who I saw when I visited their site, the one who looked rough and rugged.

“That is Siam Montenegro, one of the board members.”

I suddenly heard Rax’s voice inside my head when he told me that. Naalala ko na, siya iyong nakita kong kasama noon ni Leviticus at Legend sa isang opisina.

The three looked at me when they saw me walked inside. Yumuko ako at bahagyang nahiya dahil mukhang nasa gitna sila ng seryosong usapan.

“Have you looked at it, Levi?” Leonardo asked.

“Yeah, I know about it.” Levi answered in a stressed tone.

“If this continues to happen, we might lose vendors and suppliers. And payments are due on the project completion already.” banggit naman nung Siam.

Leviticus sighed and looked so problematic. Dumaan ako sa kanilang gilid nang tahimik at payapa upang hindi sila madisturbo.

“Did you consider going for an open business line of credit?” Giovannus suggested.

Bumaling ang ulo ni Leviticus sa kanya.

“He’s right. It won’t just help us manage the bills, but it can also save the reputation of the business, Lev.” Leonardo added.

Hanggang doon lang ang napakinggan ko dahil nagtungo na ako sa kusina upang ipaghanda sila ng meryenda. Napansin ko kasing walang pagkain doon sa kanila kaya ako na ang maghahanda.

Kinuha ko ang apple pie na ini-store ko sa fridge kagabi, iyong maganda ang pagkakaluto. Dahil maggagabi naman na ay nagtimpla nalang ako ng hot chocolate para sa kanila.

Bitbit ang tray, binalikan ko sila sa living room. Sa gitna ng sofa set ay may bilog na coffee table at doon ko inihanda ang kanilang pagkain.

“Alright, I’m gonna tell Legend to call the bank tomorrow..” narinig kong bigkas ni Leviticus.

Umalis rin ako pagkatapos at umakyat sa aking kwarto. Nanatili muna ako roon upang mag-advance study dahil after ng foundation week ay finals na namin. And like what I said, I need to put more effort kaya ngayon pa lang ay uumpisahan ko na ang pag-aaral.

Isang oras pa ang lumipas nang marinig ko ang mahinang pagbukas ng pintuan. I looked up to see Leviticus. Kasalukuyan akong nakadapa sa kama habang nagbabasa nang pumasok siya.

“What are you doing?” tanong niya.

“I’m studying, bakit umakyat ka rito? May mga bisita ka pa sa baba ’di ba?”

Kumurap-kurap siya nang ilang beses. A strand of hair is falling dramatically on his forehead. His lips were in a thin line until it rose up to a short smile.

“They already left.”

Nakailang hakbang siya hanggang sa maupo siya sa aking tabi. Lumundo ang kama dahil sa natural na bigat niya.

“Mukhang may problema kayo sa negosyo?” hindi ko na sana itatanong pa iyon ngunit hindi ko napigilan at wala rin naman akong ibang maisip na sabihin.

“Not a big deal, I can manage it. Let’s have our dinner, shall we?”

Tumango lang ako at saka tiniklop ang librong binabasa. Bumangon ako sa kama at inayos ang nagusot na damit. He stood beside the doorway and let me walk first.

Bumaba ako ng hagdan habang nakasunod siya. Nakahawak ako sa railings nang magtanong siya.

“Hindi mo sinabing may natira pa pala sa apple pie mo?”

Him, opening this topic once again awakened my irritation. Tinatanong niya siguro ngayon dahil iyon ang inihanda kong meryenda nila kanina.

“Yeah, nagustuhan ba ng mga kasama mo?”

Saglit akong sumilip sa living room, exactly at the coffee table. Naroon ang mga empty cups at ang naubos na apple pie. So, nagustuhan nga ng mga katrabaho niya?

“No.”

Tuluyan akong nakababa sa sala at nagtungo sa kusina. Nang nakasunod pa rin siya ay humarap ako sa kanya. Aksidenteng tumama pa ang dibdib ko sa kanya dahil hindi niya alam na tumigil ako sa paglakad. Muntik akong nabuwal dahil sa lakas ng pwersa.

“You okay? Bakit ka kasi humihinto bigla?” inalalayan niya ako sa baywang. Dahil sa iritasyon ay tinaboy ko ang kanyang kamay, tsansing ang isang ’to!

“Sinasabi mong hindi nagustuhan ng mga kasama mo samantalang naubos naman? Ako ba’y pinaglololoko mo, Leviticus Amedeo Torralba?”

Now that I mentioned his full name, he has a hint that I’m dead serious. Imbes na magtaka o matakot ay sumibol pa ang ngiti sa kanyang labi.

“Say that again.”

Naguluhan ako sa sinabi niya. Kumikibot ang kanyang mga labi at mas pumungay ang mga mata. His dark lashes told me something that I wasn’t aware of, and it made me feel… uncomfortable..

“W-What?”

“My name, say that again.” his voice became so husky like he just got out of bed in the morning. It sent shivers or more than that down to my whole body.

Nang hindi ko sundin ang ipinag-uutos niya ay muli siyang nagsalita.

“You called me Leviticus Amedeo, I wanna hear you say it again. It sounded so bossy but I like it.. even loved it..”

May kung anong mga insekto ang nagliparan sa loob ng aking tiyan. I never thought he would say that.. and think about that… I personally know how authoritative he is but I didn’t know he has this weird fetish about someone overpowering him.

“I would never call you that again.” pinal kong tugon upang hindi siya pagbigyan sa kanyang gusto.

“Oh, come on?!”

Parang bata siyang nag-tantrums habang inaabala ko ang sarili sa paghahain ng aming hapunan. Bahagya akong natawa, pinigilan na lamang dahil hindi pa siya tapos sa pangungulit sakin.

“You just did it, why can’t you do it again? I love hearing it from your mouth..” sinusubukan niyang lumapit sa akin ngunit lumalayo ako.

Kung gagawin ko ang lahat ng kagustuhan niya, lalaki ang ulo nito. I would do what a parent does to his child, ayaw kong i-spoil siya sa mga bagay na gusto niya dahil mahirap na kapag nakasanayan niya ang bagay na ’yon.

“I would rather call you Lev or Levi for short. Ang haba kasi masyado ng pangalan mo..” pang-iinis ko pa kaya mas lalong nagdilim ang emosyon sa kanyang mukha.

Naupo na ako sa usual seat ko at siya naman ay nasa kabisera. Pansin ko ang nababanat na tela sa kanyang damit dahil sa marahas nitong paghinga. I felt the overall tension embracing him.

“Ayaw mo nang nahahabaan ka?” may tamang diin sa bawat salita niya.

Walang pagdadalawang-isip akong sumagot dahil may tama naman siya.

“Oo. Nakakapagod kapag mahaba masyado.”

Kahit hindi pa siya nagsisimulang kumain, sumubo na ako. At kahit ako ang may nginunguya ay siya itong nabulunan. Sa una’y akala ko ay nagpapanggap lang siya pero nang sunud-sunod na ang ubo niya’y nabahala na ako at inabutan siya ng tubig.

“Once you give in to me, you’ll get used to longer things.” aniya pagkainom at pagkawala ng kanyang ubo.

Hindi ko kaagad naintindihan pero baka ang ibig niyang sabihin ay masasanay akong tawagin siya sa buong pangalan niya kung magiging kami nga.

“Not just longer, but bigger things.”

Mas lalong lumabo ang iniisip ko nang dugtungan niya. Inignora ko nalang dahil ayaw ko nang problemahin pa iyon. Wala rin naman siyang magagawa kung paiikliin ko ang pangalan niya. Levi or Lev nalang siguro, that way he’d get even more pissed.

“Riley..” his voice getting impatient when I gave him silence.

“What?” iritado kong tanong.

“Seriously, how come you’re not understanding what I’m saying?” kunot ang kanyang noo, ang kanyang panga ay nagtatangis sa umaapaw na tensyon.

“Oo, naiintindihan ko! Ang hindi ko lang maintindihan ay kung bakit mas gusto mong tinatawag ka sa buong pangalan. Mas maganda naman pakinggan kung pinaikli. Papagurin mo lang ako kung hahabaan mo pa masyado!”

Once again, he coughed. Right away, kahit iritado ay inabot ko sa kanya ang baso ng tubig. Ano bang problema nito? Bakit nabubulunan siya nang hindi kumakain?

“You’re such a slowpoke but hell, I’m getting more fucking attracted..” aniya nang muling makabawi.

Panibagong insulto na naman galing sa kanya. Akala ko ba nangliligaw itong unggoy na ’to? But as time goes by, I’m getting pissed off and I don’t know why I still like him amidst his ugly behavior. This is so fucked up!

Chapter 17 [Extreme]

Ewan ko ba rito kay Leviticus kung bakit napaka-slow niya.

Sometimes he would show that he loves me, minsan naman ay binu-bwisit niya ako. Hindi ko na maintindihan. At ang slow niya para hindi niya makuhang naiinis na ako sa kanya, pero siya ay sige pa rin ng sige.

“I heard today’s the start of your foundation week?”

My hands stopped from moving, ibinaba ko sandali ang kutsara upang paglaanan siya ng pansin. How did he know about that?

“Oo, ngayon ang simula.” walang gana kong tugon habang ipinagpapatuloy ang pagkain.

Siya ang nagluto ng breakfast namin ngayon. Hindi ko maintindihan ang putahe dahil puro broccoli ang nakakain ko sa niluto niya. Mabuti na lamang at mahilig ako sa gulay.

“So I bet your school will open its gate to everyone, even people from the outside.”

I kept on listening to him. I just don’t get where this conversation is going. Nang mag-angat ako ng tingin ay naabutan ko siyang nagpupunas ng tissue sa kanyang bibig, mukhang tapos na sa pagkain.

“And there will be people everywhere. Are you going to participate in any activities?”

Today, Leviticus’s outfit is just a fitted grey shirt na may logo pa ng isang mamahaling brand, nakasuot siya kanina ng hoodie dahil nag-jogging siya, ngayon ay hinubad na ito at tanging iyong shirt na panloob nalang ang suot.

Kumikinang ang silver necklace sa kanyang dibdib kahit hindi nasisinagan ng araw. Ngunit ang stubbles niya sa mukha ay talagang kumakapal na, dati ko pang napapansin.

“Hindi. ’Di ko naman hilig sumali sa mga ganoon. Manonood lang ako sa mga kaibigan ko.” I murmured drily, sumagi na rin kasi sa aking isip ang mga gagawin ko para sa araw na ito.

I have to watch Kimpoy’s academic contest, sa umaga iyon naka-schedule at sa bandang hapon naman ang magkasunod na laban nina Gael sa basketball at ni Renan sa sepak takraw. Sa grupo namin, ako lang talaga ang walang ka-tale-talento sa katawan.

Pero saan nga ba ako magaling?

“Sinong panonoorin mo?” he continued asking, interrogating rather. Ano bang gusto nitong malaman?

“Mga kaibigan ko nga, Levi. Si Kimpoy kasali siya sa acads, sa hapon sabay kaming manonood kina Gael at Renan..” habang binibigkas ko isa-isa ang mga pangalan nila’y pinagmamasdan ko ang reaksyon niya.

Dumilim ng bahagya ang emosyon sa kanyang mukha nang mabanggit ko ang mga pangalang Gael at Renan. Naikwento ko na kasi sa kanya noon si Kimpoy at alam niyang lesbiana ito. Ang dalawang huling nabanggit ay bago sa pandinig niya.

“How are you close to those guys?”

I feel like I need to elaborate to him about every friendship I have with people. Tapos naman na siyang kumain, ngunit ang dalawang braso niya ay nakalapag sa magkabilang gilid ng kanyang plato, naghihintay sa aking isasagot.

Ang mga balahibo sa kanyang braso ay inaagaw ang atensyon ko kung kaya’t natagalan akong sumagot.

“Ano ’to storytelling? Kailangan ko pang i-explain ang lahat? Bukod kay Kimpoy, may dalawa pa kaming kaibigan na lalaki. Si Gael ay kasali sa basketball, si Renan naman ay sa sepak. Panonoorin namin sila sa hapon.”

His head moved a bit and was directed on my direction. Gaya ng nakaraan, may hibla ng buhok ang nahuhulog sa kanyang noo dahil bahagyang basa ang buhok sa katatapos na pag-shower.

“You keep a lot of guys around you, huh?”

Hindi ko alam kung panibagong insulto na naman ba ’yon o sinabi niya lang dahil gusto niya. Anong gusto niya, paligiran ko ng kababaihan ang sarili ko? Hindi ba’t mas nakakasuklam ’yon?

“Sila lang naman ang malapit na kaibigan ko. Bukod sa kanila, wala na. And I don’t keep guys around me, sila ang kusang lumalapit.” may diin kong salita at binigyang emphasis ang huling pangungusap.

Umangat ang kanyang labi, bahagya ngunit sapat na upang masabi kong isa ’yung ngiti. And without his knowledge, he’s unconsciously biting his lip intermittently.

Do I have to notice every subtle thing he does, though?

“Ako lang ang may karapatang lumapit sa’yo, ang iba layuan mo. Kung maaari lang na sumama ako sa school mo ay baka ginawa ko na.” ang mga mata niya’y naging malamlam ngunit mabilis itong pumungay.

Pero tama ba ang narinig ko? Sasama siya sa school? Is he serious?

“You have business to attend to, Lev. You don’t need to barge in with my student life. Wala namang panama ang mga lalaking lumalapit sakin do’n.” pangangatwiran ko upang matigil na siya sa mga ilusyon niya.

Dahil baka mamaya ay magbago ang isip nito at maisipang sumama sa school. Hindi naman siguro niya gagawin ’yun ’di ba?

“Tama ’yan. Sabihin mo may boyfriend ka n—”

“Kahit wala naman talaga? Ano, gagawin mo akong sinunghaling Leviticus?” pambabara ko sa kanya at hindi siya pinatapos dahil alam ko na ang sasabihin niya.

“It’s just a white lie. And besides, magiging boyfriend mo rin naman ako kalaunan. Hinahayaan lang kitang magpakipot sa ngayon. Pero doon din ang bagsak natin.” he said confidently as he intertwines his both hands below his chin.

Literal na lamang akong napanganga at hindi nakapagsalita. Ang kapal lang naman pala ng apog nitong unggoy na ’to! Ang lakas ng loob niyang sasagutin ko nga talaga siya? At anong karapatan niyang sitahin ang pagpapakipot ko, e karapatan ko naman ’yon?

“Ang taas ng pangarap mo, ha. Paano kung hindi kita sagutin diyan? Anong plan b mo?” siyempre hindi pa rin ako papayag na hindi ko siya babarahin.

Hindi ko alam kung saan niya nahuhugot ang lakas ng loob na ’yan. Oo nga’t gwapo siya, matipuno, daddy na pangarap ng sangkabaklaan, pero ibahin niya ako. Hindi ako uhaw sa tawag ng laman. Hindi rin ako madaling naaakit ng gwapong mukha. Hindi rin ako madaling nasisilaw sa kayamanan.

“There’s no plan b, sasagutin mo ako. It’s your lost if you don’t grab me.”

Ngayon ay natawa nalang ako na walang tunog. Pagkatapos ay napapangiwi dahil hindi ko na kinakaya ang kakapalan niya. Ngayon lang ako nakaranas ng mangliligaw na ang taas-taas ng tingin sa kanyang sarili.

Well, may maipagmamalaki nga naman siya. Responsable naman siya at may trabaho, may pera, may anak rin, pero hindi niya ako madadaan sa mga dahilang ’yun.

“It’s your lost if I dump you..” matigas kong tono na nanghahamon.

I still believe in myself. That I can be independent, live on my own, without depending on anyone. I don’t need to find someone or get attached to someone just to complete a missing part of me. I’m a stand-alone! Yes, I don’t need anyone!

But those perspectives change when love enters the scene.

I know. That’s how everything starts to get messed up.

“Riley!” tinawag niya pa ang pangalan ko dahil tumayo na ako at iniwan siya sa dining room.

It’s not gonna be my lost if I choose not to be with someone.

I’m gonna value myself more because that’s what I should do. And most people nowadays keep on failing that. Most of them enters a relationship and hoping that the other person could fix what’s missing from them. Like, can people enter the relationship once they’re whole?

Isa rin ’yon sa mga dahilan kung bakit maraming hindi nagtatagal sa isang relasyon. At ang masama pa, sisisihin pa ang isa sa pagkukulang ng isa. Sisisihin dahil hindi napunan ng isa ang isa. They depend on the other person. What I think about it is selfishness. Kung papasok ka sa isang relasyon, dapat buo ka. Dapat kumpleto ka. Huwag mong iasa sa iba kung paano ka makukumpleto.

Kung kumpleto ka at siya’y kumpleto rin, mas lalong maganda ang mabubuo niyo kapag kayo’y nagsamang dalawa. It’s just a simple logic.

Kinuha ko ang aking bag sa ibabaw ng sofa nang makarating sa living room. Itinigil ko na ang mga naiisip ko dahil ang dami ko na namang sinasabi.

“Hey… I’m sorry..” nakasunod si Levi sa akin sa sala ngunit ’di ko gets kung bakit siya humihingi ng tawad.

“Bakit ka nagsosorry?”

“I’m sorry for being too insensitive. I was just teasing you. But please… d-don’t dump me..”

Napatunganga ako sa kanyang harapan. His eyes are longing, yearning, and craving for something. Hindi ko alam na nag-alala pala siya sa bagay na ’yon. At takot itong bastedin ko? Somehow, that thought tells me something new about him.

“No need for sorry, Levi. Naiintindihan ko naman na pursigido ka lang talaga. And I’m not gonna dump you…. yet..” nang dugtungan ko ng huling salita ay lumukot na naman ang mukha niya.

“Yet? So you’re really gonna dum—”

“I was just kidding, Levi. But I’m the one who holds the decision you know, so better not pressure me or I—”

“Or you’re gonna dump me?” siya ang nagtapos sa sasabihin ko. See? Mabilis naman palang matuto ang unggoy na ’to eh.

“Hmm… pwede, pwede ring hindi..”

I tried to hide my smile but it went out of my lips. Have I said it before, that this man is so fucking lovely? Lalo na ngayong gulong-gulo siya at hindi malaman kung may pag-asa ba talaga siya sakin. I was just testing him and his patience. If he really wants me, he should have a lot of patience.

“Sige na, aalis na ako at kailangan maaga kami ngayon sa school. Dito ka lang ba maghapon?” tanong ko bago tuluyang buksan nang malawak ang main door.

Nagbalik ang dating emosyon sa kanyang mga mata.

“I’m gonna visit the site later. But I’ll be home before you so… yeah..”

Ang ngiti ko’y umabot na yata sa aking tainga dahil sobrang amo na niya ngayon. Kanina lang ay ang kapal ng apog niya at mapagmataas, anong nangyari dito at parang tupang umamo na ngayon?

“Okay, alis na ako. Mag-iingat ka rin pag-alis mo..” paalam ko sa kanya.

Nagkamot lang siya ng batok pagkaalis ko.

That’s when I realized that Leviticus is the type of man who’s extremes of the extremes. I mean, when he’s mad he’s extremely mad. If he gets violent, gets extremely violent. Kung magyayabang at mataas ang tingin sa sarili, sobra rin kung magyabang at makapagmataas. Kapag mang-iinis ay sagad-sagaran ang pambu-bwisit sakin. At kapag umamo naman, parang tupa sa sobrang amo.

Extreme. That’s how I could best describe him.

Natutuwa nalang ako sa mga deskripsyong ibinibigay ko sa kanya sa aking isipan. Sabagay, sa mga hindi nabanggit na bagay ay extreme din naman siya. Extreme body, extreme face, and extreme feelings.

Wala akong makita sa kanya na hindi extreme.

My mind has been clouded by so many unusual thoughts about him that time when I noticed a movement of shadow behind a tree while I was walking. Same feeling I felt yesterday. Nilingon ko iyon ngunit wala naman akong nakita. I continued walking and ignore it, convincing myself that my head is just playing with me. Nababaliw na siguro ako kakaisip kay Leviticus.

Maaga akong nakarating sa eskwelahan. Walang sumalubong sakin dahil abala si Kimpoy sa paghahanda para sa kanyang sasalihang contest mamaya. Ang dalawang lalaki naman ay paniguradong abala sa pag-eensayo. Marami ng tao sa paligid, ang iba’y taga-ibang school pa yata dahil iba ang uniporme.

Sa malawak na soccer field ay mayroong mga food carts at iba’t ibang booths ng pagkain at mga palaro. Wala kaming klase ngayong araw na ito ngunit required ang aming attendance kaya lilibangin nalang ang sarili maghapon.

Sa ’di kalayuang parte kung saan walang booth o cart ay ang mga nag-eensayong soccer players. Karamihan sa kanila ay seniors na rin. Ang ibang nasa mas mababang baitang ay ang abala sa pag-setup ng mga booths.

Sa kalalakad ko sa field ay natagpuan ako ni Kimpoy. Nakaputi siya ngayon dahil iyon daw ang required na kulay ng damit.

“Riles! Halika, may gusto akong subukan doon!”

Hinatak niya ako sa kabilang dulo ng field. Hanggang makarating kami sa bandang madilim, nasisilungan kasi ito ng matataas na puno. Sa tapat ng babaeng balot ng tela ay huminto kami.

“Magpahula tayo!” suhestiyon ni Kimpoy sabay turo doon sa babaeng napatingin samin.

She looked like an outsider, may mababang mesa sa kanyang harapan na balot ng itim na tela. She’s wearing a fancy and colorful clothing, and beaded necklaces are hanging on her neck. Balot rin ng itim na scarf ang kanyang ulo. Her overall outfit just feels so weird to me.

“A-Ayoko, ikaw nalang kung gusto mo.” marahan ko pang itinulak si Kimpoy. Ang weird kasing tumingin ng babae. Hindi siya nagsasalita at nakatitig lang sa amin, naghihintay kung magpapahula ba o ano.

“Ang KJ mo, Riles. Hula lang ’yan, ano bang ikinakatakot mo? Dali na!” kumapit siya sa manggas ng damit ko upang hindi ako makawala.

“Hindi ba’t may contest ka pang sasalihan?” tanong ko sa kanya dahil sa ganitong oras ’yun magsisimula.

“Mamaya pa ’yun. Na-reschedule ng isang oras dahil mahuhuli daw ng dating ang mga judges.”

I rolled my eyes at him. Dahil wala namang ibang maisip na gagawin ay sapilitan akong pumayag sa trip niya.

May mababang upuan sa harapan ng mesa kung kaya’t doon ako naupo. The weird fortune teller smiled at me, but something about her eyes tells me that she’s not an ordinary teller.

Naglahad muna siya ng kamay bago ang lahat. Kimpoy immediately placed a money on the woman’s hand. Whatever.

Pinanood ko ang ginawa nito. She took out two decks of cards and shuffled it on top of the clothed table. Unlike the usual scenario, wala akong nakitang crystal ball. Ang sa tingin kong gamit niya’y tarot cards. I don’t really much believe in it, but for the sake of fun I will do it.

She scattered the cards and told me to pick my cards.

Nang makapili ng tamang bilang ay isinalansan niya ang mga hindi napili at nag-focus lamang doon sa mga card na napili ko. Kimpoy’s behind me and smiling from ear to ear, waiting for the fortune teller to make up stories about the chosen cards.

Binuklat niya isa-isa ang mga card habang pasulyap-sulyap sakin.

“You’re living with someone..” unang bigkas pa lamang ng mga salita nito ay natigilan na ako.

She must be joking. This must be scripted. Or was she just guessing? Pero, tanong ba iyon? Naghihintay ba siya ng isasagot ko bilang kumpirmasyon?

“Y-Yeah, kind of?” play-safe kong sagot. Napapangiti rin si Kimpoy na nakikinig dahil alam niya kung sino ang lalaking kasama ko sa bahay.

“Darkness. I see darkness..” muling banggit ng babae, kunot na ang noo nitong nakatitig sa mga cards.

I don’t understand what she’s saying, though.

“But that darkness will soon be gone. Light will replace. Soon, eyes will open..”

Nang may mabanggit siyang parte ng katawan ay hindi na ako nakapagsalita. I have a hint about it, but I kept it to myself.

“Sino pong makakatuluyan niya?” pagsabat ni Kimpoy na inirapan ko. I don’t think that’s how it works. Asking stupid questions isn’t how it works.

Ngayo’y nakatitig na sakin ang fortune teller.

“I can see party… and uhmm.. engagement. You will be engaged, soon. To someone who’s got a big name in a business industry…”

Natawa nalang ako dahil masyado naman yatang specific ang tinutukoy niya. I can’t help but think of one person who’s in the industry of business… with a big name.. but engaged? Really?

“You will see blood once you meet that person…” dugtong pa nito sa unang sinabi.

Uhm, blood? Okay?

“Shit, makakapag-asawa ka pala ng mayaman Riles!” mas excited pang wika ni Kimpoy sa aking likuran.

Hula lang naman ito. Walang kasiguruhan. Kaya hindi ako lubos na naniniwala. Maaaring hindi magkatotoo iyon.

“Maaari mo bang ilahad ang iyong palad, iho?” utos pa nito.

Dahil hindi ako tuminag ay si Kimpoy pa ang kumuha sa kamay ko at ibinigay sa babaeng manghuhula.

She traced her fingers on top of my palm, and stared at something in it.

“Sino po ang mapapangasawa niya? Gwapo ba? Gaano kayaman? Anong pangalan?” sinamaan ko na ng tingin si Kimpoy upang manahimik.

“I can see two extremely powerful men..” the fortune teller murmured while staring at my palm.

Can she not used the word ‘extremely’? Ayaw ko mang mag-isip pero may mukhang rumerehistro sa isipan ko.

“Revelations… Family… I can see dark smokes… I can see a man in smokes, old man waiting…”

Napailing-iling nalang ako. I know that it’s not a hundred percent sure that will happen, but her serious face tells me something.

Something she sees but she decided not to tell me.

“Mayroon kayong panulat?” tanong nito, anong ibig nitong sabihin?

Magsasalita pa sana ako nang abutan ni Kimpoy ng papel at panulat ang babae. I watched the woman closed her eyes while she writes random letters on the paper.

M N D L B

“These letters, do have any significance with you or with your life?” nagkatinginan kami ni Kimpoy dahil sa tanong ng babae. Tinitigan ko ang bawat letra.

Obviously, it doesn’t have any significance to me. It doesn’t speak to me of anything. Wala akong mabuong salita. Pakiramdam ko ay pinaglalaruan na kami ng babaeng ito kumita lang.

Muli niyang hinatak ang aking kamay at parang may binasa sa ibabaw ng aking palad.

“But be careful.. someone close to you… will soon be gone…”

Inalis ko na ang aking kamay sa kanyang pagkakahawak. Nagulat pa ito dahil hindi pa tapos sa kanyang ginagawa.

“Riles!”

“That’s it! I’m done with this..”

Hinatak ko na si Kimpoy paalis dahil may balak pa siyang magpahula rin sa babae. Kalokohan. Anong karapatan niyang sabihin iyon? Hindi ko tuloy mapigilang matakot sa mga iniwan niyang salita sa utak ko.

What did she mean by soon be gone? And someone close to me?

“Magpapahula pa sana ako e, ano ba ’yun bakit ka umalis?” sumunod sa paglalakad ko si Kimpoy.

My mood changed completely all of a sudden. Even though I know that all those fortune teller said were just wild guesses, I still feel upset about something I can’t explain.

Dumiretso na kami sa loob ng gymnasium kung saan gaganapin ang unang patimpalak. Tanaw ko ang kaibigang si Kimpoy na kinakausap ang ibang katunggali habang naghihintay sa pagdating ng mga hurado.

I was sitting alone in the bleachers. When the fortune teller’s words kept replaying on my mind. Engagement, really? Kanino naman ako ma-eengaged kung gayon? Si Leviticus ay nangliligaw pa lamang. Kung sasagutin ko ba siya ay siya ang maaaring tinutukoy ng babaeng manghuhula?

Extremely powerful men. I can’t help but laugh with sarcasm. And the moment I’m about to meet that person, I’m gonna see blood. That one is more hilarious. It’s just so dramatic and fictitious, like I would believe it.

But the one with the most impact on me was when she said that someone close to me will soon be gone. Nakakatakot pero itinatak ko sa sarili kong hula lang ’yon at hindi totoo.

It’s not like she has dark powers or dark magic that she can see into the future, right? I am not required to believe her. But something inside me is still upset. An extreme force of anxiety that bothers me until now.

Anyway, I should forget about it. That doesn’t have anything to do with my life. I know what path I should take. Extreme or not, I can get through all of that. And I will have an extremely beautiful and lovely life… with a lovely man beside me..

Chapter 18 [Use]

But be careful.. someone close to you… will soon be gone…

“Huy! Tara na kaya? Kanina ka pa tulala riyan.” halos lumukso ang puso ko sa gulat nang sumulpot si Kimpoy sa aking harapan.

I didn’t notice the academic contest is already over. Tumayo ako mula sa aking kinauupuan sa bleachers at dinampot ang aking bag.

On our way to the cafeteria, naikwento sakin ni Kimpoy ang kasiyahan niya dahil ang grupo nila ang nanalo sa kaninang patimpalak. Hindi ko na nga rin iyon napansin dahil sobrang bagabag ako kanina.

We took our lunch with just us two. Sina Gael at Renan kasi ay hindi namin makakasama dahil kandidata sila sa palaro mamayang hapon. Kimpoy kept on talking about the recent contest he won while I silently eat my own food.

“Muntik ko pa ngang makalimutan ang huling sagot, pero buti naalala nung isang kagrupo ko!”

I know it’s so stupid to get emotionally affected by what the fortune teller said. And it’s also too bizarre about that someone close to me will soon be gone. What does ‘gone’ even mean? And someone close to me? Aside from Leviticus and my friends, I don’t have anyone close to me other than them. The scope is so limited that I can pinpoint whoever it maybe.

“Pero mali talaga ’yong sagot ng kabilang grupo kanina e. Pinagbigyan lang dahil namali ang spelling.”

Revelations.. Family.. I don’t even have a family in the very beginning, so what should I know about it? Nothing, right?

The more I overthink about it, the more I become dense. Hindi ko naman dapat pag-aksayahan ng panahon pa na pag-isipan iyong sinabi ng manghuhula. Ako pa rin naman ang may hawak ng buhay ko. Ang mga hula o anumang payo mula sa astrolohiya, gabay lang ang mga ’yon.

“Tama naman ako ’di ba?”

Saka lang ako nakabalik sa realidad nang nakatitig na sa mukha ko si Kimpoy at parang may hinihintay na sabihin ko.

“O-Oo. Tama ka.” tugon ko kahit na hindi ko alam kung anong tinutukoy niya. He pinched my nose and continued eating his food happily.

I took so much time for spacing out. Bumawi na lamang ako nang manood na kami ng basketball game ni Gael. Nasa bandang unahan ng bleachers kami nakaupo ni Kimpoy. Gael is wearing his red jerseys, may itim na headband sa kanyang ulo at itim rin na leg sleeves.

Kumaway pa ito nang masilayan kami sa bleachers. Hindi pa nagsisimula ang laro pero nakakailang ubos na ng chips itong si Kimpoy, hindi yata nabusog sa kinain namin nung lunch.

“So kumusta naman na kayo ng mangliligaw mo, Riles? Hindi mo pa rin sinasagot? Sumuko na ba?” nakuha ni Kimpoy ang buong atensyon ko nang bumaling siya sakin habang dinidilaan ang daliring may crumbs pa ng kinaing chips.

Ayaw ko na sanang pag-usapan muna ’yon pero mas mabuti na rin siguro ito upang hindi ako muling mabagabag sa mga salita ng fortune teller. I have to keep myself preoccupied.

“Not yet, but he’s persistent.” tugon ko while thinking about Leviticus. Ano na kayang ginagawa ng unggoy na ’yon sa bahay? Natuloy kaya siya sa site?

“Aside from thinking about you all day, wala na akong ibang pinagkakaabalahan, Riley.”

Parang tangang nagreplay ang boses ni Leviticus sa aking utak. I can’t help but to also reminisce how he used to lick his lips whenever he’s sipping on his tea or whenever we’re talking.

“Bakit ayaw mo pang sagutin? Gusto mo naman, ah? Ano pang hinihintay mo? Ganda ka?” gusto ko nang sabunutan itong katabi ko dahil sa ingay niya, mabuti nalang at may ibang mundo ang mga katabi naming naghihintay sa pagsisimula ng laro.

“Kimpoy, you know it’s not that easy..”

“It would be easy if you won’t make it difficult..” he frowned but eventually smiled.

Deny it or not, Kimpoy has been a big influence in my life decisions. Isa siya sa dahilan kung bakit pinayagan kong ligawan ako ni Levi. He made me realize how giving someone a chance is important. Madalas man akong mairita sa kanya, hindi ko maipagkakailang may punto lagi ang mga payo niya.

“D-Do you think.. I should… s-say yes to him?” nahihiya akong lumingon sa kanya kaya umiwas ako ng tingin.

Nagsimula na ang laro. Puro malalakas na hiyawan na ang naririnig sa buong gymnasium pero heto kaming dalawa at nag-uusap ng masinsinan tungkol sa buhay pag-ibig ko.

“Alam mo naman ang sagot diyan Riles, tinatanong mo pa? Sabi nga ng manghuhula kanina ’di ba, open your eyes? At businessman daw ang makakatuluyan mo, kaya grab the opportunity na! Mahirap na kapag naagawan ka pa!”

Open my eyes? I don’t think that’s what the woman said.

We didn’t mind if others might hear our conversation. I was so focused on thinking too much about it and if I already had too much time to figure it out.

“And why won’t you just try and see if we’re gonna work?”

Parang tanga na namang nagreplay ang boses ni Leviticus sa utak ko na parang sirang plaka.

Now that he’s not here, everything about him spoke volumes to me. From his full-grown beard, to his intense eyes, to his thin and tender lips, the sparkling silver necklace on his neck.

Every fucking nuances. How a strand of hair dramatically falls on his forehead, how his brows meet everytime he feels my presence or hear my voice, how his jaw becomes tensed whenever I rebut him. Every little thing.

“M-Maagawan?” ngayon ay bumaling na ako sa kanya dahil nakuha niya ang interes ko.

He nodded consecutively.

“Oo. Uso na ang agawan ng lalaki ngayon. Ikaw rin, baka may umagaw diyan sa mangliligaw mo. Mahirap na at baka sa huli ka pa magsisi..”

Somehow I felt guilty. Everything he says has a point. Hindi naman sa natatakot akong may ibang umagaw nga kay Leviticus dahil wala naman akong maisip na posibleng umagaw sa kanya. At isa pa, lagi lang naman siyang nasa loob ng bahay at paminsan-minsan lang nasa kompanya. He doesn’t have anyone aside from me, right?

“Kung hindi naman magwork ang relationship niyo, edi magbreak kayo. Ganon lang ’yon. Try until you figure it out.”

Parang karayom na tumarak ang bawat salita niya sa utak at sa puso ko. So… I should stop Leviticus from courting then? And make him my b-boyfriend?

Boyfriend. I can’t imagine us with that label.

Pero, handa na ba ako? Ito ba talaga ang gusto ko?

The basketball game ended and like the usual, it didn’t occur to me. But I heard Gael’s team won and now they are celebrating their victory. Maingay pa rin sa buong paligid at nagkalat ang mga confetti sa sahig.

“Naku, malakas talaga sa tsamba ’tong si Gael eh..” may pagka-bitter sa tono nitong si Kimpoy dahil hinatak ko na siya patungo sa court upang batiin ang aming kaibigan sa pagkapanalo.

Gael’s busy taking a picture with some freshmen girl students when we landed to their group.

“Riley!” namataan ako ni Gael at dali-daling lumapit sa akin upang yakapin ako.

Habang yakap niya ako’y bubulong-bulong itong si Kimpoy sa tagiliran ko.

“Baka naman malapirot mo ’yang si Riley, Gael tama na ’yan!” pang-aasar niya pero nanatili pa ring nakayakap sakin si Gael.

I can’t help but to smile. It’s normal to feel happy with the victory and success of your close friends but my smile vanished when the fortune teller words replayed on my mind in the most unexpected time.

“But be careful.. someone close to you… will soon be gone…”

Bumitaw sa pagkakayakap si Gael, nasalubong ko ang mga mata ni Kimpoy na bored na nakatingin sa aming dalawa.

I forced a smile so that no one could notice how bothered I am right now. I feel so anxious everytime I remember the teller’s voice inside my head. I can’t even control it.

“Tsamba ’yon, Gael! At isa pa, magagaling kasi ’tong mga teammates mo kaya kayo nanalo!” Kimpoy teased him.

“Ina mo tumahimik ka!”

I just heard them talking in the background but my mind got dazed and I tried so hard to regain my senses back.

“Hey, you okay?” I heard an unfamiliar voice behind me. He tapped my shoulder to get my full attention.

Nang makabalik ako sa aking wisyo ay nilingon ko ito. He’s wearing the same jerseys of the basketball team. His face seemed so familiar, though. Like I’ve seen him recently.

“I-I’m okay, thanks..” nagpasalamat nalang ako dahil napansin yata nito ang pagkaka-disturbed ko.

Maraming tao sa paligid pero siya lang ang nakapansin. Nang hindi ko na dinagdagan ang aking sasabihin ay payak itong ngumiti at saka tumalikod at umalis. Nabasa ko nalang ang pangalang nakasulat sa likuran ng jersey niya.

Verdejo.

Time flies so fast, natapos na rin ang laban ni Renan sa napili niyang larangan ngunit sa kasamaang palad ay hindi ito nanalo. Pero masaya pa rin ito dahil chineer namin siya kanina habang nasa gitna ng laban.

“Hindi ba kayo sasama sa victory party? Riley my loves?” magkakasabay na kaming apat ngayon palabas ng vicinity ng school.

Malapit nang magdapit-hapon ngunit hindi pa rin natapos ang ilang patimpalak. Gael kept his hands hidden inside his pockets while walking with me.

“Hindi na, Gael. Kailangan ko na kasing umuwi at pagod na rin ako. Sa susunod nalang siguro, kapag nanalo kayo sa susunod na laban.” pangako ko sa kanya na nakapagpangiti sa kanya.

“Pare, saan daw ba tayo susunduin ni Dom?” tanong ni Renan sa katabi ko.

“Hintayin nalang daw natin ang text niya.”

Nagpaalam sa akin ang dalawa dahil may lakad pa ang mga ito para sa kanilang victory party. Si Kimpoy na naiwan sa aking tabi ay natahimik na ngayon.

“Nga pala, iiba ako ng daan dahil may pinapabili si Mama doon sa coffee shop. Doon ako dadaan..” sabay turo niya sa kabilang dako.

“Okay. Mag-ingat ka nalang pag-uwi mo. And… thanks sa advice kanina..”  mahina kong binanggit dahil nahihiya ako na ipaalala sa kanya ang payo niya kanina.

His face lightened up for a moment.

“So… sasagutin mo na nga?” pangungumpirma niya.

I didn’t give him an answer but the smile on my face says it all.

“Naks! Magkaka-lovelife ka na sa wakas! Ninong ako sa kasal, huh??”

I bursted into laughter by what he suggested. Niyakap niya ako sa huling pagkakataon bago kami nagpaalaman.

This is such a tiring day but I had fun. Naglakad na ako pauwi at masaya pa akong tumawag sa numero ni Leviticus upang makausap siya ngunit wala namang sumasagot.

I looked down on my phone as I ended the fifth call. He didn’t answer. I ignored it and just thought of any reasons he could possibly be doing. Nang makarating ako sa tapat ng bahay ni Leviticus ay napansin ko namang maliwanag at bukas ang lahat ng ilaw sa kanyang bahay, ibig sabihin narito na siya?

He told me a while ago that he’s gonna visit the site but he will be home before me. Binuksan ko na ang gate ngunit isinara ko ulit iyon nang makarinig ng kaluskos sa isang banda.

There are trees and bushes around, kinakain na ng kadiliman ang kalangitan kung kaya’t nahirapan akong maghanap sa paligid.

“Hello?”

Nakaramdam ako ng kaba dahil ilang beses ko nang naramdaman na may sumusunod sa akin. At madalas itong mangyari malapit dito sa bahay.

I gave it a minute to see if something will show up. Pero nang walang mapala ay dali-dali na akong pumasok sa loob.

Like what I said, maliwanag sa loob. Huminga ako ng malalim habang isinasara ang main door pagkapasok ko. Sumandal pa ako roon saglit habang iniisip at ineensayo ang sasabihin kapag magkita na kami ni Leviticus.

But… how would I say that? Do I just need to say yes and then that’s it?

I had two relationships but it wasn’t this hard. Those weren’t serious in the first place so I didn’t think much about it.

But this is Leviticus Amedeo Torralba, a construction firm owner, a freaking rich businessman, and a lovely father, I didn’t know why enumerating those would just make it even harder.

I was about to step when I heard voices. Somewhere… not upstairs.. not in the kitchen… but in the garden area..

Mabagal kong tinahak ang daan patungo sa garden. Slowly, I opened the sliding door. And there in the pergola.. I saw Leviticus… laughing heartily.. with a woman..

Mukhang may masaya silang pinag-uusapan. The woman would even touch Levi’s hair as they both chuckle. From my distance, they looked like a sweet romantic couple.

Nakaramdam ako ng pait.

Umalis ako roon at bumalik sa living room. Padabog akong naupo sa three-seater sofa at kinuha ang isang throw pillow upang ipatong sa aking hita.

Technically, this is what Kimpoy’s telling me. Baka pagsisihan ko pa sa huli kung patatagalin ko ito at maagaw siya ng iba. Tama. He’s mine. I’m not gonna let anyone waste what we already have. We’ve reached this far and no one’s gonna take him away from me.

Taas noo akong bumalik sa garden. Marahas kong binuksan ang sliding door. Malalaki ang hakbang ko patungo sa dalawa. The woman noticed me first. Mula sa ngiti ay bumagsak ang labi nito at nagtatakang nagmamasid sakin hanggang sa makalapit ako nang tuluyan.

“Uhm, excuse me who are you?”

There is a glass of water on top of the table between them. I immediately grabbed the glass and threw the water on her face.

“Oh my god! What the….” she shrieked in horror and confusion. Nabasa ang mukha niya, ang buhok niya, at ang magarang kasuotan niya.

“What happened?” Levi asked as he didn’t see what I did.

Hindi nakapagsalita ang babae. Sinamantala ko iyon upang hatakin ang kwelyo ng damit ni Leviticus. I pulled him away from that witch.

“R-Riley?! What the hell are you doing?” hatak-hatak ko ang kanyang damit hanggang sa itulak ko siya sa gitna ng swimming pool.

“Manloloko! You cheating bastard!”

He fought and gasped for air. But smiled reached my lips as I watched him drown. Binalikan ko ng tingin iyong babae, gulat siya sa nasaksihan. Tumakbo ako pabalik sa kanya at hinatak ang buhok niya.

Sa sobrang higpit ng pagkakahatak ko sa buhok niya ay pagtanggal ko ng kamay ko, may ilang hibla na ng buhok doon.

“Why are you doing this??!” she yelled in so much pain.

Sobrang talim ng tinging iginawad ko sa kanya. Iyong tipong babaon sa kaluluwa niya.

“Leviticus is mine! Akin lang siya! Walang sayo!”

And then I laughed like a demon when she fainted on the ground. If she’s a witch, well I’m a bitch. I’m a bitch, I’m a boss and I will shine like a gloss.

“Uhm, excuse me who are you?” nakawala ako sa aking hindi kanais-nais na imahinasyon nang tanungin ulit ako ng babae.

My lips trembled as I looked at the two of them. Levi’s lips parted, making me believe that he already knows who’s in front of them.

“H-Hi! I’m R-Riley!” nabubulol kong pakilala at saka naglahad ako ng kamay sa babae at pilit na nagbigay ng matamis na ngiti.

“Riley’s living with me, Selena. He takes care of everything.” Levi introduced me to the woman in front of him.

The woman’s face lightened up and she displayed a sweet smile while staring at me. She took my hand.

“Oh, you mean househelp? Nice to meet you Riley, I’m Selena Ynares..” bumagsak ang ngiti ko pagkabanggit niya ng househelp.

Is she nuts? Do househelps introduce themselves to the visitors of the house?

“Nice meeting you too.. Uhm, do you need something to eat or to drink?” tanong ko, ginagampanan ang pagiging househelp.

Nang balingan ko ng tingin si Leviticus ay tahimik lamang ito ngunit salubong ang mga kilay. Ano, Levi? Uuwi ako tapos aabutan kong may babae ka rito?

“Oh, yes please. Thank you!” natutuwang tugon ng babae.

Umirap ako sa ere pagtalikod ko. Leviticus tried to grab my hand but I avoided his hand. The woman didn’t notice it, though.

Bumalik ako sa loob upang magprepara ng kanilang meryenda. I prepared a chai tea for Levi and hot chocolate for the woman. Nang matapos ay binalikan ko sila.

“Join us, Riley. Sit here..” utos ni Leviticus sa akin pagkapatong ko sa mga tasa sa harapan nila.

Naguguluhang tumingin sa akin iyong babae pero wala naman itong sinabi. Siyempre, hindi ko naman gustong suwayin si Leviticus kung kaya’t sinaluhan ko sila habang nakangiti sa babae. I sat beside Leviticus.

“So are you gonna be free this weekend? O kung gusto mo bukas na agad?” the woman asked.

I took that time to observe and check her out. Iba ang pilantik ng kanyang mga pilikmata at mahaba ang kanyang buhok na bahagyang umaalon sa dulo. She’s wearing a nice pink lipstick, and her eyes are sparkling. I can’t accept the fact that she’s so pretty. At mukhang kaedaran ko lang siya.

“Anytime on Friday will do.” nakangiti namang tugon ni Levi sa katanungan ng babae.

What are they talking about? Are they setting up a date? In front of me?

“Alright, Friday then. I will also bring cookies and uhmm.. do you still drink?”

Pinagmasdan ko ang emosyon sa mukha ni Leviticus. There was a quick sadness I felt in his eyes but he covered it with a smile.

“Yeah, sometimes.”

Ilang minuto pa silang nag-usap ng masinsinan tungkol sa trabaho. Nalaman kong kararating nitong babaeng ’to rito dahil galing daw ng ibang bansa nung nakaraan.

“It’s getting late, I think I should go. Magkikita naman ulit tayo sa Friday..” she smiled so sweet as she gracefully stood up. Nauna siyang maglakad patungo sa loob ng bahay.

Leviticus stopped for a moment to whisper something to me.

“We’re not.. you know.. not what you’re thinking..” nahihirapan niyang bulong habang nakasunod kami sa babae. Bakit nag-eexplain ang isang ’to? Wala pa naman akong itinatanong.

“She seems nice…. and pretty…” komento ko. Nang tangkang hawakan ni Levi ang kamay ko ay itinaboy ko ’yon dahil nasa harapan lang namin ang babae.

We followed her through the living room. Nakamasid lang ako sa mga ikinikilos nilang dalawa. Leviticus right now is so stiff, like he’s limiting his moves.

“Thanks for tonight, Lev. And Riley, nice meeting you again. I’m gonna go now..” lumapit pa ito sa akin at saka ako bineso pati si Leviticus. Nagulat pa ito sa ginawa ng babae.

But Is it normal to make beso with a househelp, though?

Nang mawala siya sa aming paningin ay sinundan ako ni Leviticus sa kusina. Ginugutom na ako dahil kanina pa akong nakatunganga sa kanila. Nakakapagod rin palang makinig at maghintay kung sakaling aagawin siya ng babaeng ’yon. Pero mukhang hindi naman. Mabait siya at wala akong nararamdamang kakaiba para hindi ko siya magustuhan.

“Riley..” malalim ang buntong hininga ng lalaking unggoy.

Tahimik akong naghain ng pagkain.

“Hmm?”

Inabala ko ang sarili. Hindi naman ako galit o ano. Siguro, nanghihinayang lang ako dahil akala ko aamin na ako sa totoong nararamdaman ko sa kanya. Hindi ko lang siguro inaasahan na may aabutan akong babae kasama niya. Even though she looked so harmless, now is not the time to confess anything.

“I…” Levi’s speechless dahil halos hindi ako umiimik.

“She’s pretty. I don’t have anything against her. But at least you could have told me on the phone since I tried to call you so many times and you didn’t answer. You were so busy talking and laughing.” kalmado kong pahayag.

“I left my phone upstairs..”

Tinignan ko siya ng masama at saka ngumiwi. But he looked more bothered than me.

“And you’re gonna meet up again this Friday, invited ba ako sa date niyo?” with enough sarcasm, his jaw became more tensed and couldn’t look me in the eye now.

He’s courting me and setting up a date with another at the same time, I never thought he could afford to do all these aside from his work.

“It’s not a goddamn date! It’s a… I’m…” he tried to find the right words while I wait for him to finish what he’s saying.

When he reached a conclusion, he looked up and licked his lower lip.

“I’m using her..”

My brows shot up. Wait, what? Use her?

Use her for what?

Chapter 19 [Following]

We’re silently eating our breakfast the next day. Buong gabi akong sinuyo ni Leviticus ngunit dahil bahagyang hindi ko matanggap ang nangyari at dala na rin ng pagod, pinahupa ko muna ang mga spekulasyon ko.

Leviticus’ heavy arms are on top of the table between his finished plate. Ngayong araw na ito, nakasuot siya ng itim na tee-shirt na inalisan ng manggas kaya naging sando. Naroon pa rin ang kumikinang na kwintas sa kanyang leeg. Pero ang buhok niya ay wala sa tamang ayos, parang kinaykay ng manok sa madaling salita.

He looked cute, though.

“Are we gonna talk now?” bigkas niya sa kanyang mababang boses.

Sapilitan kong inangat ang tingin ko sa kanya. His lips are fixed in a straight line, not showing any attitude.

Hindi ako sumagot. Gamit ang tinidor ay tinusok-tusok ko ang pancake, trying to visualize his face on it. Nakasanayan ko nang gawin nitong mga nakaraang araw. Naging hobby ko na rin yata.

“Riley, we’re not gonna fix anything if you don’t talk to me. Kung boyfriend mo na siguro ako, hindi pwede sakin ’to. Pero dahil nangliligaw pa rin ako, sige pagbibigyan ko.” I noticed a sudden change in his voice and it’s getting huskier.

I don’t really feel mad about last night. I just feel indifference. Na kung hindi ko siya inabutan kagabi na may kasamang babae, baka nga boyfriend ko na siya ngayon. This is supposed to be our first day as a couple!

“Selena is my wife’s younger sister..” untimano akong napahinto sa ginagawa dahil hindi naman niya ito nabanggit kagabi.

“At galing siya ng states, kauuwi niya lang kahapon. And I asked her to come visit me so that we could talk..” nanatili akong nakikinig sa mga paliwanag niya.

Even I didn’t cooperate with him, he’s still explaining things to me to clear my confusions.

“I’m using her so that I could get to see my daughter again.”

Now, my eyes remained on him. So she wasn’t his fling or whatever? He isn’t using her to make me jealous? He isn’t using her for business? Nawala ang mga ideyang naiisip ko kagabi dahil sa katotohanang nalaman sa kanya ngayon.

“Bakit kailangan mo pa siyang gamitin para makita ang anak mo?” now I spoke and threw him a question.

His chest moved upwards and downwards in a tensed manner. I kept my eyes off of him so as not to get distracted.

“Alyanna’s parents won’t like me seeing their granddaughter. They still think it was all my fault that their daughter died..” ngayon naman ay lumungkot ang boses niya.

And his breathing starts to get rigid. Saglit akong nabahala dahil naalala kong kapag usapan tungkol sa nakaraang trahedya ay iba ang epekto sa kanya. He could get violent once again.

Dahil takot akong mangyari iyon ay ipinatong ko ang kamay ko sa kanyang braso. His eyes moved a bit. Hinaplos ko nang marahan ang kanyang braso.

“S-Since the accident, hindi mo na ulit nakita ang anak mo?” nahihirapan kong tanong sa kanya.

Apparently, I didn’t expect our morning conversation today would be this serious.

Mabagal siyang umiling bilang sagot. Muli ko ring naalala ang ibinahaging kwento sakin ni Legend noon. At the time of the accident, Leviticus was drunk-driving, making it the whole reason why it caused his wife’s life and almost his life and his daughter’s.

“I know it was my fault, too. But as a father, it’s my right to see my daughter.”

I can’t help but to stand and went behind him to give him a warm hug. Bahagya akong nakayuko habang naka-pulupot ang aking mga braso sa kanyang katawan, ang aking baba ay nakadantay sa kanyang balikat.

“I’m sorry..” bulong ko.

In that very still position, he held my arm.

“It’s fine. You don’t have to think ill of me, though. She shouldn’t be of your thoughts. At paano kitang ipagpapalit kung hindi ka pa nagiging akin?” nang bumalik na ang tamang sigla ng kanyang pananalita ay kumalas na ako sa pagkakayakap sa kanya.

So much for comforting him.

“Well, muntik na sana..” mahina kong bulong habang pabalik sa aking upuan upang ipagpatuloy ang pagkain.

“What did you say?”

“Nothing— and I know it’s off topic but you need to shave, Levi..” puna ko saka pinagmasdan ang kanyang makapal na balbas.

There was a half-frown in his face while he caresses his stubbles.

“Lagi akong nasusugatan kapag susubukan kong mag-ahit, kaya hinahayaan ko nalang.”

“At least trim it shorter, mukha ka nang unggoy.” pang-aasar ko sa kanya.

Now the frown covered his whole face.

“I am not. Even if I don’t see it anymore, I know I’m still handsome.” naibuga ko ang iniinom kong gatas.

Reliving the time when I gave him a description about how extreme he is. Ngayon, extreme na naman ang taas ng tingin niya sa sarili. Oo nga’t gwapo siya pero hindi na niya kailangan pang ipangalandakan sa mukha ko ’yon!

“Gwapo na ang mukhang ’yan? Siguro dati oo pero ngayon pumangit ka na, gurang pa!” hindi ko pinalampas ang pagkakataong alaskahin siya. Ang sarap kasing barahin ng isang ’to dahil ang hangin niya kinabog pa ang hot-air balloon!

“Hindi ako pangit! And thirty years old is not too old, I’m still on my prime. Sa tagal ng pananatili mo rito, ni hindi mo ba ako pinagnasahan?” nabulunan naman ako ngayon at dali-daling tinungga ang baso ng gatas.

Extremely airheaded douchebag!

“At bakit kita pagnanasahan aber? Sa ating dalawa sino bang mas tigang?” his jaw literally dropped on the table, couldn’t believe what he’s hearing.

Sa sinabi kong iyon ay alam na niya sa sarili niyang talong-talo na siya. Oo virgin pa ako pero hindi naman ako tigang dahil hindi naman din ako uhaw sa laman. Pero itong lalaking ’to, uhaw na uhaw na siguro.

He gritted his teeth in a different level of annoyance. I know he wouldn’t just lay down his pride or ego and I expected a rebuttal from him.

“I can’t wait for the fucking day where I’m gonna make you sore for a week. Even more than that. I’m gonna make you moan my name so loud that you would beg me to do it harder… and faster..” now he has this bedroom voice with so much passion that I can’t do anything but review the self-control I have.

“And I love the anticipation of what we’re gonna do to each other once I have the right..”

Sobra akong nabahala nang gumalaw ang kamay niya at saka ako hinatak. Dahil sa gulat at walang nakapitan, nahila niya ako nang walang kahirap-hirap at bumagsak ako sa kanyang harapan. Nagtama pa ang aming mga dibdib. Ang kamay ko’y tumukod sa kanyang mga balikat bilang suporta sa aking bigat. But he didn’t seem to mind how heavy I was.

“L-Lev, what are you doi—”

Millions of electric volts ran down my spine when he claimed my lips. Fast enough, he parted my lips and suck them into his mouth. His warm and calloused hands gripped my butt as he deepened the kiss.

Ang mga braso kong pumipigil sa kanyang dibdib ay nanlambot at nawalan ng lakas. Now, my hands snaked behind his head. Tasting his lips again brought back so many hidden and ignored feelings.

Gumanti ako ng halik sa kanya. His moves are getting aggressive this time. He acted like a hungry lion craving for his prey. Ang dila niya’y nagpumilit na pumasok sa loob ng aking bibig, akin itong hinayaan at nagpaubaya sa rumaragasang damdamin.

I was almost losing my senses when he stopped doing what he’s doing. Sobrang pungay ng kanyang mga mata na animo’y lango sa alak. His lips stretched.

“Now we’re kissing, what should we do?” hinawakan ko pa ang aking labi na parang nabugbog dahil sa ginawa niya.

Half of my senses came back and suddenly it reminded me of the agreement. We kissed!

“You broke the agreement!” nakangiti ko pang pahayag dahil ibig sabihin lang nito na ako ang panalo.

“Yeah, I did. But you broke it too..” preskong tugon niya na parang hindi nababahala sa usapan namin ngayon.

And what does he mean by that? I never broke it!

“Of course I did not!”

“Yeah you did, Riley. Yes I kissed you, meaning that I broke the agreement. Pero gumanti ka ng halik, meaning you also broke the agreement. So the agreement is completely destroyed.”

Hindi ko mapigilang mapanganga sa lohika niya. May nakakalokong ngiti pa sa labi niya na ang sarap punitin.

“B-But you kissed me first!”

“And so what? Kissing you first means breaking my promise, you kissing me back broke yours.. It’s not a matter of who kissed first, it’s a matter of who broke the rules.. And we both did, so we should deal with the consequences.” hindi ako agad nakasunod sa mga litanya niya.

“Consequences?”

His head inclined a bit, like he was expecting me to ask that question. I felt like he set me up in trap. Good lord!

“Yeah, as a complete breach of the agreement, we need to immediately label each other as boyfriends.” he victoriously licked his lower lip and bit it afterwards.

What the hell?!

“I kissed you and you kissed me back as the proof of evidence, I am the witness to that myself. And hereby we now declare ourselves as an official couple..”

I can’t believe this deceptive son of a prick! I didn’t expect he could turn around the tables just like that. Yeah, just like that! Walang kahirap-hirap. Now he’s completely under the impression that he is my boyfriend.

“Matagal pa ba ’yan?”

“Heto na!” naiinis kong tugon saka siya binalikan sa banyo.

He’s waiting in the bathroom, kinuha ko pa kasi ang kagamitan sa ibabaw na cabinet sa kanyang kwarto. Nang makabalik ako ay bagot siyang nakasandal sa harap ng sink.

I placed the brush, scissors, cream, moisturizer, and a high grade beard trimmer on the sink. Dahil pinipilit ko siyang mag-shave ay nagprisinta akong ako na ang gagawa. I almost forgot that he can’t do it alone since he can’t see it properly.

“Don’t shave it completely, just trim it shorter.” bulong pa niya habang hinihimas ang kanyang balbas.

“Come here..” utos ko sa kanya.

Pumwesto ako sa kanyang harapan. I put some shaving cream on his face and checked the thickness of his beard at saka namili ng tamang clipper. I took the brush to get the hairs settled into one direction. After that, kinuha ko na ang trimmer upang bawasan ang kapal ng kanyang balbas at bigote. Dahil wala naman akong sapat na kaalaman dito ay medyo natagalan ako. Afraid to make a mistake, I did it slowly. At dahil sa sobrang bagal ko, nangangalay na ang kamay at braso ko. Maging ang leeg ko dahil kailangan ko pa siyang tingalain.

“What?”

Tanong niya nang saglit akong huminto.

“Saglit lang, nangangalay ako.” binaba ko ang braso at minasahe ito.

He stood still but I almost screamed when he lifted me up above the sink, facing him.

“Better?” hindi siya ngumingiti at pirmi lang ang mga labi.

Ngayong nakasampa na ako sa lababo ay hindi na ako gaanong nahirapan. Pantay na kami ng taas at mas madali kong natutukan ang ginagawa.

“Huwag kang gumalaw, masusugatan kita sige..” I warned him the second time he moved a bit.

“Okay..” hindi na siya halos nakapagsalita dahil ipinagpatuloy ko na ang pagtrim simula sa mustache pababa sa kanyang balbas.

“I told you to stay still, galaw ka ng galaw!” naiirita ko nang pansin nang gumalaw ulit siya.

He frowned for a moment. Sa huling pagkakataon, nagpatuloy ako at napanatag naman ang kalooban ko nang hindi na siya gumagalaw. Ngunit pagbaba ko ng tingin ay napag-alaman kong nakalingkis pala ang kanyang mga braso sa aking baywang. At kaya rin pala napansin kong mas lumapit ang distansya naming dalawa.

“Why are you hugging me? Tsansing ka ha?” paninita ko, there was a short smile on his face that he tried to suppress, pero hindi nakatakas sa aking paningin.

“You asked me to stay still, mas pipirmi ako kapag nakahawak ako sa’yo..” he murmured nonchalantly like he’s not doing anything wrong.

“Hawak lang pero parang ahas na nakalingkis ’yang mga braso mo?”

“This feels better. Can you just continue what you’re doing?”

I sighed and let him do what he wants. Hinayaan ko ang posisyon ng kanyang mga braso kahit na kinakapos ako ng hininga dahil doon. I know that he’s just doing this to get us closer for his own good.

Nang matapos sa kanyang mukha ay ang mga buhok naman sa bandang leeg ang sinunod ko. Masunurin naman siya nang pinatingala ko siya.

“Is it done?”

I changed the clippers to shave the hairs below his face shorter.

“Stop talking…”

“Hmmkay..”

Once I’m done below his face, I took the scissors to clean up strays and to give it a more natural finish. I didn’t mind the hairs falling down on my lap, lilinisin ko nalang ito pagkatapos.

“Alright!” wika ko nang matapos.

Kumuha ako ng basang towel upang punasan ang kanyang mukha.

“Do I look handsome now?”

I shook my head and pursed my lips. I would never ever praise him in front of him. Lalaki lang lalo ang ulo nito kung magkataon. Kinuha ko ang moisturizer at nilagyan ang kanyang mukha, minasahe rin ito ng kaunti.

“You look like a normal guy now..” iyon ang napili kong sabihin sa kanya.

“You mean a normal handsome guy?” talagang ipinipilit niya ang kanya.

“Okay, tapos na!”

Aalis na sana ako sa sink nang umamba siya sa aking labi at hinalikan ako nang mabilis.

“Thanks, baby..”

Pinandilatan ko siya dahil nagdedeliryo na naman ako sa halik niya. Even though it was just a quick peck, I’m still overwhelmed.

“Tsansing ka!”

“It’s not tsansing, I’m just exercising my rights as your boyfriend.”

Boyfriend whatever!

Nang aktong bababa na ako ay muli niya akong ninakawan ng halik.

“Leviticus!”

He chuckled so sexy, nang tuluyang makawala ay binalibag ko ang pintuan ng banyo at iniwan na siya roon.

Nagshower ako sa aking kwarto at nagprepara na upang makapasok sa school. Alam kong ilang oras na akong late ngunit dahil wala namang klase ay naisip kong okay lang siguro.

“Goodbye kiss?”

Inismiran ko si Leviticus na naghihintay sa akin sa living room.

“Nakarami ka na kanina! Aalis na ako!” nagmadali akong lumabas dahil nabwisit na naman ako nang tumawa pa siya sa harapan ko.

Pagkalabas ko ng gate ng bahay ay napansin ko ang isang itim na van ang nakaparke hindi kalayuan. I ignored it and walked away.

Nang makarating sa school ay una kong hinanap si Kimpoy ngunit walang sumalubong sakin. He must be somewhere around on the booths.

I walked towards the soccer field, marami pa ring nagkalat na estudyante sa paligid. I even saw some guys wearing costumes for an upcoming contest. Lumingon ako sa paligid upang hanapin ang mga kaibigan.

Sa kalalakad ko ay may nakabunggo sa akin. My eyes went to Otep who’s eyeing me in a disgusted way, and some random girl clings on his arm.

Balak ko nalang sana itong talikuran ngunit nagsimula itong kausapin ako.

“Aattend sila Mama sa graduation, I’m just wondering who would attend with you?” and then he smirked playfully like there’s something funny going on.

Dalawang buwan pa naman bago ang graduation kaya hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ito na ang inaalala niya.

“I would go alone then, besides I don’t need anyone.” sagot ko at saka inirapan siya at nagmadaling magmartsa paalis doon.

I went towards our main building so that I could better find any of my friends. Ilang minuto ang lumipas na paghahanap, nakasalubong ko si Gael na naglalakad mag-isa at mukhang mag-eensayo.

“Gael!”

Nag-angat naman siya ng tingin at dali-daling lumapit sa kinaroroonan ko.

“Si Kimpoy, nakita mo ba?” agad na bumagsak ang ngiti niya nang marinig ang pangalan ng kaibigan.

“I don’t know, hindi ko pa siya nakikita mula kanina.” he shrugged his shoulders as he can’t help me with anything.

Malalim akong bumuntong hininga. Kung kailan gusto ko siyang makita at makausap ay ngayon naman siya hindi nagpapakita.

“Okay, I’ll find him. Text me if you see him.” tinapik ko ang balikat ni Gael at nagpaalam.

I checked every room to find him. Sinubukan ko ring tawagan ang kanyang numero ngunit nagri-ring lang ’yon at walang sumasagot. This is getting weird, hindi naman siya madalas mawala nalang bigla. Lagi naman itong pakalat-kalat sa paligid pero ngayon ay naglaho naman siya na parang bula.

I took my lunch alone. Nakasalubong ko nalang si Renan nang palabas na ako ng cafeteria. I asked him about Kimpoy’s whereabouts.

“Wala ba sa mga booths? Baka naman hindi pumasok? Di ko pa rin siya nakita e..” nagkamot siya ng ulo.

“Thanks, can you text me in case you see him?”

He nodded as an answer and continued walking inside the cafeteria.

Bumalik ako sa field kahit ayaw ko. While walking around, I saw the familiar face of the guy who approached me last time. I only know him with his last name, Verdejo. He’s with another guy and they were talking about something.

Inisa-isa kong tignan ang mga booths. Nagtaka nalang din ako dahil wala na ang manghuhula sa dati nitong pwesto. Not that I like to see that weird woman again but it just seemed off to me.

What’s with sudden disappearance of people today?

Malapit na akong mawalan ng pag-asa nang may tumapik sa akin sa balikat.

“Riles?”

Agad kong niyakap si Kimpoy nang makita ko ang mukha niya. Nagulat pa siya sa ginawa ko. Nang kumalas ay tinanong ko siya kung bakit matagal siyang nawawala.

“I was in the library since morning. Ako ang naatasan no’ng bwisit na librarian, pinag-ayos niya ako ng mga libro..” paliwanag niya.

Nakahinga ako ng maluwag. We spent the remaining part of the day watching Gael’s practice game in the gymnasium.

“So how does it feel like? Masarap ba?” binatukan ko siya dahil naikwento ko sa kanyang kami na ni Leviticus.

I still feel shivers whenever I think about it. It feels so fictional, na parang hindi totoo.

“He’s so clingy. At madalas niya akong nakawan ng halik.”

He laughed heartily as I mentioned that part.

“Natural lang eh boyfriend mo na e? Mas gusto mo bang hindi ka niya pinapansin kahit kayo na?” I still frowned reminiscing about it. May punto na naman siya.

Hindi ko man maitanggi pero unti-unti ko rin namang nagugustuhan. He’s sweet, I mean extremely sweet. Kapag nagtagal kami, ano pa kayang madi-discover ko sa kanya?

Nang sumapit ang hapon ay nagpasya na kaming umuwi. We were both walking out the vicinity of the school, still talking about my new lovelife.

“Balitaan mo ako kapag nag-make out na kayo, huh? Balitaan mo ko kung gaano kalaki!”

Kinurot ko ang tagiliran niya, napainda siya sa sakit.

“Siraulo ka talaga.”

Nang tuluyan kaming makalabas sa gate ay napahinto ako sa paglalakad nang maispatan ang parehong itim na van sa labas na natanaw ko kanina paglabas ng bahay, nakaparke hindi kalayuan.

I know that there are hundreds of same vehicles, but I don’t know why it feels so odd to me. It feels like it wasn’t a coincidence.

“Anong tinitignan mo riyan?”

“Mauna ka na, may titignan lang ako. Sige na..” ipinagtabuyan ko na siya upang makaalis na siya. Mabuti na lamang at sumunod naman siya at hindi na nagpumilit pa.

I walked closer the parked black van. With my fingers crossed and breathing getting faster. This is obviously not Leviticus, dahil kilala ko ang SUV na ginagamit niya. I don’t want to assume but I used to hate being followed that’s why I know the weird feeling.

And this time, I’m sure. This is not a coincidence. Someone is following me.

Chapter 20 [Anxiety]

Dahan-dahan ang hakbang ko patungo sa itim na van. Kung sino man itong sumusunod sa akin, ano ang maaaring motibo nito?

Laking gulat ko nang mas makalapit ako sa sasakyan na walang kahit sinong tao. Hindi tinted ang mga salamin nito at ang isang bintana ay nakabukas pa, ngunit walang sinoman ang nasa loob nito.

Creepy.

Sinubukan ko pa itong paikutan ngunit wala talaga akong makita. May kaunting gamit sa loob gaya ng bote ng tubig at upos na mga sigarilyo, bukod doon ay wala na.

As I found nothing, I shook my head and decided to leave it. Naglakad ako hanggang makauwi. It’s already dark, but the street lights are enough to illuminate the way. Malamig na rin ang simoy ng hangin, niyakap ko ang sarili habang naglalakad.

I was close to the house when I saw two men in black walking. Salubong sa akin ang direksyon na tinatahak ng mga ito. The other man even made eye contact with me but it was only a split second. Nakaramdam ako ng kaba ngunit nakahinga rin nang maluwag nang lumagpas ang mga ito.

Agad akong pumasok sa loob ng bahay, habol-habol ang hininga. I know there’s something creepy going on with me the past few days but there was nothing at the same time. I could just be overthinking. I’m just making up things that don’t even exist.

“Yeah, yeah I know. I’m gonna try to get in touch with them..” naabutan kong may kausap sa telepono si Leviticus sa sala.

He’s sitting on the sofa, with one arm resting on top of the sofa and his thighs wide open.

“No, but I know the son. Yeah, met him a few times.. they are in carpentry works— alright, yeah forward the number.. thank you..”

He put down the phone as the call ended. Lumapit ako sa kanya at pabagsak na umupo sa tabi niya.

“Tired? How’s school?” pangungumusta niya habang pasimpleng dumadaan ang braso niya sa likuran ko.

“Hmmm, ayos lang naman. Nanood lang kami ng practice games. Ikaw, how’s your day?” tugon habang inaalala ang nangyari buong maghapon sa school.

I don’t even have anything interesting to share, aside maybe from the time that I tried to find someone all over the school, or the crazy idea that someone is following me.

“I made some calls. Nakausap ko na rin si Selena, she said she’d surely come on friday..” nakarinig ako ng kaunting tono ng sigla sa kanyang boses. Ibig sabihin ay makikita na ulit niya ang kanyang anak.

“How long has it been that you’re not seeing your daughter?” humilig ako upang humarap sa kanya.

Ang mga mata niya ay lumungkot. I heard him sigh heavier than usual. Habang nakatitig sa kanya ay hindi ko maiwasang pagmasdan ang bagong trim na balbas niya.

“It’s been a year, or probably more than that..”

Kinuha ko ang isang braso niya at niyakap ko ito na parang unan. Naramdaman ko ang ulo niyang pumatong sa akin.

“She surely misses you too, Levi..” pagpapagaan ko sa kanyang loob.

He planted a kiss on top of my head, that subtle gesture gave me so much pleasure. It’s so odd to think that he’s giving me pleasure while we’re just sitting and hugging each other, pure physical contact.

Once in a lifetime, you meet someone who changes everything. Leviticus is surely a game-changer, he changed the game that I was supposed to take. But he changed everything in an instant, and I don’t care how it ends but I want to try.

“You know what I feel for you is more than love, right?” he suddenly admitted. Dahil nakadantay ang kanyang ulo sa akin ay hindi ko masilayan ang kanyang mukha.

“Love’s an understatement. I don’t know how would I be doing right now if I didn’t meet you.. if you didn’t come to my life…”

Extremely powerful sweet words from him. This man is everything. Bigla ko tuloy naisip kung bakit ko pa ito pinatagal. Though I didn’t regret it, it was worth the wait after all.

“I wasn’t looking for anything at all when I met you. Actually, I wasn’t planning on falling for someone so soon. But then I met you. And that was it. I guess things just happened. I found you and I found myself slowly wanting to spend time with you. It was simple. It was easy. And I think that’s how the best relationships begin. You’re not looking for anything and then suddenly you realize, you have something…”

His words are like knives directed straight to my heart. Right now, I can’t think of anything but spending lifetime with him. And I can’t think of anything that would make me leave him. I think this will last.

Later on, we had our dinner. At the dining table, hindi na siya sa kabisera nakaupo ngayon dahil magkatabi na kami. And while eating, he still has his own way of pushing his flirtations no matter how hard I try to ignore him.

“Why don’t you sleep on my room? O ako nalang ang matulog sa kwarto mo? What do you think?” inihilig pa niya lalo ang kanyang ulo palapit sa akin. His voice is so husky, it wasn’t my fault to think of nasty things all of a sudden.

“What I think is there’s a lot of rooms here, kaya bakit tayo magsisiksikan sa iisang kwarto?”

He pursed his lips like a kid. Ang mga mata niya ay nakatungo sa ibaba, nagkaroon ako ng sapat na oras upang matitigan nang malapitan ang kanyang mukha. All of his features are extreme too. From his thick eyebrows down to his prominent jaw, everything is excessively wonderful.

“Why not? I’m your boyfriend, we can do things lovers do, you know..” saka niya kinagat ang ibabang labi, animo’y uhaw at gutom na leon.

I can’t help but have the same imagination as him. Kinikilabutan ako kada maiisip ko ’yon. Leviticus is not just huge but massive man. He looked like he can crush things only with the use of his bare hands.

“Things like what?” panghahamon ko. Mas lalong lumawak ang ngisi sa kanyang mukha. He looks so turned on right now, it’s clear on his face.

“Hug. Kiss. Cuddle. Sex.”

At talagang inisa-isa pa niya? Walang hiyang ’to. Nabilaukan tuloy ako sa kinakain nang marinig ang huling salitang binanggit niya. He said those words like it’s something normal and easy.

Gumapang ang kanyang mga braso patungo sa aking magkabilang gilid at inagaw niya ang aking labi. He granted me a breathtaking kiss, heat and power radiated as he pulls me closer to him.

“L-Levi, hindi pa ako tapos kumain..” I whispered in between kisses.

He stopped for a moment but the turned on smile never left his lips.

“Alright. Later, then..” aniya at saka tumayo sa kanyang upuan at umakyat sa itaas.

I was left with so much awe. I stopped him from kissing me but it just gave me so much pressure as he assumes to continue this later. What am I doing with my life?

Nang matapos akong kumain ay niligpit ko ang mga kalat. It took me so much time until I have nothing left to do. Leviticus is upstairs, I don’t know what he’s doing but I decided to go to my own room.

Kahit hindi naman dapat ay nagshower ako. Natatawa nalang ako sa sarili ko sa paghahanda sa isang bagay na hindi ko sigurado kung gagawin ko ba talaga. But this is how it should work, right? Hindi naman ito masama dahil kami naman. He’s my boyfriend and he can do anything he wants to do with me. Kahit na ang kaisipang ’yon ay nakakakilabot pa rin para sakin.

Nagtagal ako sa banyo, nagbabad sa bathtub ng isang oras. I used the bubble bath with vanilla and lavender patchouli. I was staring at the ceiling when I heard some noise outside. Agad akong napatayo at nagbalot ng tuwalya. Ang tunog ay parang may nabasag na kung ano.

I realized the noise came from Levi’s room. I rushed towards his room, a bit nervous about what possibly happened. Naabutan ko siyang pinupulot ang ilang basag na piraso ng baso sa sahig ng kwarto niya.

“Anong nangyari?”

Lumapit ako sa kinaroroonan niya ngunit nagulat ako nang mahablot niya ang braso ko. Mas lalo akong napasigaw sa takot nang itulak niya ako sa ibabaw ng kama. All I thought something happened but when I saw the glint of smirk on his face, I realized he did that noise to get me here.

“Bakit ang tagal mo?” tanong niya saka pumaibabaw sa akin sa kama.

Marahan niyang hinuhubad ang sinturon niya. W-What the..

“N-Nagshower pa ako. Akala ko kung ano nang nangyari! You did that on purpose!”

Noon pa man, nase-sense ko nang agresibo siya pagdating sa ganitong bagay. With his built and features, I could visualize how wild he is in bed. And that fact frustrates the hell out of me.

When he successfully unbuckled his belt, he starts to unbutton his linen shirt, revealing his smokingly hot chest and mouth-watering abdominal muscles. That made me fucking speechless.

“We’ll do this slowly, I don’t wanna scare you..” aniya na nagpalito sa akin. What does he mean by not scaring me? So he knows to himself that he’s really aggressive in bed?

He took off his shirt quickly after, one perfect swift move and that flexes the muscles on his arm, revealing the veins on his forearms. Bahagyang basa ang aking katawan dahil nagmadali pa akong umahon sa bathtub kanina, nabasa na rin tuloy ang kanyang kama.

He smiled passionately, he held my hands and brought it to feel his body.

“Levi, ang bigat mo promise…” komento ko dahil nasa ibabaw ko siya.

“You want on top of me?” hindi ko naman nagawang sumagot sa tanong niya.

Nang hindi nakakuha ng tugon mula sa akin ay yumuko siya at hinanap ang aking mukha. He caressed my face and slowly claimed my lips. My hands travelled up until I reached his back.

“Touch me anywhere you want, baby…” he whispered sensually below my ears as he kissed my shoulder blades. Granting me full access to every part of his body.

His expert tongue travelled more around my neck. Ibayong emosyon ang iginawad nito sa akin. Nadadala na rin ako sa ginagawa niyang pagromansa sa akin. Bahagya kong nasabunutan ang kanyang buhok nang hatakin niya ang tuwalyang bumabalot sa aking katawan at madali niya itong itinapon sa kung saan. Revealing me naked under him.

The lights on his room are set to dim, making it more romantic. When he had the full access, he gripped and fondled my butt cheeks.

“Oh my god…” I moaned.

I can almost feel the raging bulge inside his trousers. I can feel it pulsating as his moves are getting hungrier and more intense.

“Damn… I’m so crazy for you…” he murmured and delved his tongue on my mouth, never giving me the chance to speak.

“Shit!” he hissed when I purposely bit his lip, tempting and teasing him even more.

I gained enough energy and power to dominate him. I pushed him until I was the one who’s on top of him now. He doesn’t have the chance to see the devilish smirk on my face. My hands are on his shoulders, pushing him so he won’t move.

His erection is poking on my buttocks with the fabrics of his trousers, I grinded on top of him. Mas pinag-igi ko ang paggiling hanggang sa itaas niya ang dalawang binti niya at sinasalubong na ako sa pag-indayog sa ibabaw niya.

“Holy fuck… you’re driving me so fucking insane, Riley…” rinig ko ang pagkasabik sa kanyang boses, bitin na bitin sa ginagawa kong paggiling sa ibabaw niya.

Nang hindi makapagpigil ay hinanap ko ang butones ng kanyang trousers upang hubarin na ito. Hindi ko pa man nahuhubad ay bakat na bakat na at mukhang nagwawala na sa loob ang kanyang kargada.

Nang maalis ang butones ay ibababa ko na sana ang kanyang pantalon nang marinig namin ang maingay na ringtone.

“Fuck!” he hissed in annoyance.

I saw his phone on top of the bedside cabinet and saw his brother’s name on the screen.

“Legend’s calling you. Sagutin mo muna.” utos ko sa kanya.

“No! Fuck him!” gigil niyang tugon at ayaw kumilos.

“Baka importan—” bumangon siya sa kama at hinatak ako at muling nilusob ang aking mga labi, parang hindi nakukuntento roon.

Gumanti ako ng marahas na halik. Nang nakawala saglit ay tinitigan ko siya ng seryoso.

“It must be important that he’s calling this late.. Answer it, Lev.” pagpupumilit ko sa kanya.

Hirap na hirap siyang nagbuntong hininga at walang nagawa. He licked his lips as I get the phone and put it on his hand. Napansin ko ang namumula niyang mga labi resulta ng aming halikan. Damn..

“Why the fuck are you calling?!” bungad ng gigil na si Leviticus nang sagutin ang tawag.

Mahina akong natawa dahil sa inasal niya. Naghintay ako sa kanyang tabi habang abala siya sa kausap.

“W-What?! Bakit ngayon mo lang sinabi?” lumingon siya saglit sa aking gawi bago tumayo at naglakad patungo sa isang tabi upang magkaroon ng espasyo.

I watched him and how his jaw became tensed. His eyes are now looking frustrated not because of our interrupted session but because of something else, I think..

“And here I thought you already fixed it? What about their shares?”

Hinaplos ko ang namumula kong balat. It’s so childish to think that I miss his touch already. Kahit paano’y parang nagising ang diwa ko, napagtantong napunta kami sa ibang dimensyon kanina.  It was a different world.

“No fucking way! They can’t do that, Lej. They can’t just easily take it and change their minds!” galit na ang tono ni Leviticus.

It must be something about the business. Noon ko pa man napapansin ang madalas na pagtanggap niya ng mga tawag at pagbisita sa kompanya. But observing his anger right now, it tells me that it’s a serious issue.

“Are you out of your mind?!”

Nagpasya akong pulutin ang towel na suot kanina at ibinalot ito sa aking sarili. Pinagmamasdan ko lang siya sa isang banda.

“Fine! I’ll go..”

The call ended. After that he faced me with so much emotions on his face. Mixed emotions from anger to dismay.

“It sounded so serious, anong nangyari?” pagtatanong ko.

Bumalik siya sa akin at naupo ng tahimik sa dulo ng kama. He massaged his temples. He looked so stressed.

“Nothing, tungkol lang sa negosyo. I’m sorry Riley but I have to go. I need to be on the site..” bahagya siyang lumapit at malamyos niya akong hinagkan.

“I-It’s okay. Uhm, babalik nalang ako sa kwarto.” nakaramdam din ako ng pagkadismaya dahil sa naudlot na pagniniig ngunit alam ko naman kung ano ang dapat niyang unahin.

“Riley…” tawag niya bago pa man ako tuluyang makalabas ng pintuan.

“Hmmm?”

His face is now warmer, but there’s still the look of disappointment in his eyes.

“I’m sorry… and I love you..”

Nahabag ako kung kaya’t binalikan ko siya at muling hinagkan. It was a swift peck on the lips. Tinitigan ko pa ang kanyang labi ng matagal bago siya bigyan ng sagot.

“I love you as well, Lev…. Pero unahin mo muna ’yan, naiintindihan ko naman. I’ll just wait for you to get home..” hinaplos ko ang magkabilang pisngi niya at inayos ang nagulo nitong buhok.

Ang kanyang mukha pababa sa kanyang leeg ay namumula.

“Don’t wait for me, baka umaga na akong makabalik.”

Tumango naman ako. He asked me to stay with him while he’s changing his clothes into a formal one. Habang isinusuot ang kanyang sapatos ay tinawagan niya si Mang Elias na maghahatid sa kanya.

“Let me help you..” bumaba ako sa sahig at ako na ang nagsintas sa kanyang sapatos.

“Thank you..”

Hinatid ko siya hanggang sa labas ng gate kung saan naghihintay ang isang SUV. Pinagbuksan siya ni Mang Elias ng pintuan.

“Have a good night, sugar lips….” huling wika nito bago isara ni Mang Elias ang pintuan.

Sugar lips?

Hindi nagtagal ay umandar na ang sasakyan at saka ito nawala sa paningin ko. I sighed and decided to go back inside not until I notice the same black van parked not too far away from the house.

Agad akong nabalot ng kaba. Lalo na nang bumukas ang pintuan ng van at lumabas ang dalawang nakaitim na lalaki. Their faces looked so familiar, though. Naninigarilyo pa ang isa at mukhang hindi napansin na pinapanood ko sila.

Nang magtama ang tingin namin ng isang lalaki, naalala kong ito rin ang nakasalubong ko kanina pauwi. Mukha pa itong nagulat at saka nito tinawag ang kasama. Dalawa lang sila ngunit ibang klaseng takot ang naramdaman ko.

Bumalik ako sa loob at siniguradong naka-lock ang gate maging ang lahat ng pintuan sa bahay na maaaring pasukan. Unfortunately I’m all alone right now and it scares the hell out of me that there are creepy guys outside.

Though they didn’t approach me but their mere presence outside terrifies me. Wala naman akong lakas ng loob na komprontahin ang mga ito dahil baka kung ano pa ang mangyari sakin.

I stayed inside my room upstairs. I didn’t try to call Levi’s number because he has other agendas to attend to. At kung dadagdag pa ako ay mas lalo lang siyang mai-stress. He has his own problems and I got mine too.

So I need to deal with it on my own.

Nag-ipon ako ng lakas ng loob na bumalik sa labas. Itinatago ko sa aking likuran ang isang patalim bilang proteksyon sa kung ano man ang mangyari. I slowly unlocked the gate and opened it. Sumilip ako saglit ngunit wala na akong nakita.

Tuluyan akong lumabas at nalamang wala na roon ang itim na van. Nakahinga ako ng maluwag ngunit kabado pa rin.

But I don’t understand why are they following me. Pero teka, ako ba talaga ang sinusundan nila? What if…. they are following Leviticus? But I saw the van at school, kaya ako pa rin ang maaaring pakay ng mga ito.

Loads of possible ideas flashed on my mind while I walk back inside the house. Nanatili ako sa living room. Parang hindi ako makakatulog ngayong gabi lalo na’t mag-isa lang ako at natutuliro pa rin ako sa maaaring mangyari.

Anxiety kicks in. I just hope something bad won’t happen.

Chapter 21 [Darkness]

Nagmulat ako ng mga mata nang maramdaman kong may tumatapik sa aking balikat. Una kong nasilayan ang mapupungay na mata ni Leviticus pagdilat ko.

“Hey, why did you sleep here?” aniya sa malambing na boses.

I found myself sleeping on the sofa. I remembered what happened last night. Hindi ko naaalalang umakyat ako sa kwarto kagabi kaya dito na siguro ako nakatulog.

Bumangon ako mula sa pagkakahiga. I suddenly saw the knife on the floor so I immediately hid it under the sofa.

“Did you have a good night sleep, sugar lips?” nakuha niya ang buong atensyon ko nang tawagin na naman niya akong ganoon. He occupied the seat beside me and hugged me so tight and warm.

“Sugar lips?” tanong ko.

He inhaled my scent as he sniffs on my neck. Nakiliti ako sa ginawa niya kaya bahagya akong natawa. He’s still wearing his formal attire that made him looked so out of place.

“Yeah, I wanna call you sugar lips.. ’Cause your lips taste so sweet…like sugar..” he left tiny kisses on my neck.

Dahil nakikiliti na ako sa ginagawa niya ay natatawa ko siyang itinulak ng marahan.

“Can I call you sugar daddy, then?” tugon ko sa kanya kung saan tinaasan niya ako ng kilay. His thin red lips protruded.

“Sugar daddy is for old men. And I’m not that old. Don’t call me that.” kinurot ko ang kanyang pisngi dahil ngumuso pa siya na parang bata.

Don’t call him that daw pero parang ganoon naman talaga ang ginagawa niya sakin, minus the part where sugar daddies buy a lot of material things to their sugar babies. Somehow hindi naman siya ganoon. Literal na daddy lang talaga siya.

“How about sugardada? Or daddy nalang? Papi? Paps?” pang-aasar ko pa lalo dahil lukot na lukot na ang mukha niya sa mga naririnig na palayaw. Parang ayaw pumayag pero napapangiti naman.

“Are you fucking serious?” he hissed.

I bursted into laughter as I couldn’t contain it anymore. Namumula na ang mukha niya sa hindi ko mailarawang emosyon. He looked like a cute tomato.

“Papi Levi, bagay ’di ba?” animo’y may lumitaw na bombilya sa ibabaw ng ulo ko nang maisip ko iyon. Pero nang pagmasdan ko ang mukha niya’y lamukos pa rin ngunit natutuwa na rin sa mga pinagsasabi ko.

“Call me anything you want, except the sugar fucking daddy..” humilig siya at hinuli ang aking mga labi. He kissed me passionately.

I can’t get enough of his lips. Sa totoo lang ay mas matamis ang labi niya kaysa sakin.

“Hindi pa ako nagsisipilyo, halik ka nang halik diyan!” tinulak ko nang marahan ang mukha niya palayo. He chuckled softly that made my heart flutter.

Tinulak ko pa ang kanyang dibdib nang hindi makuntento. Ang matigas niyang dibdib ay nagpaalala sa akin sa naudlot naming tagpo kagabi.

“I don’t care. You still smell good.”

Inirapan ko siya pero kalaunan ay hindi ko napigilang mapangiti. Ginagawa akong marupok ng unggoy na ’to e! Kahit gusto kong mainis ay natutuwa pa ako sa pinaggagawa niya.

“Nga pala, paano mo nalamang dito ako sa sala natulog? Kauuwi mo lang ba?” bumaling ulit ako sa kanya, ang kanyang isang braso ay dumantay sa itaas ng sofa sa bandang likuran ng ulo ko.

“I just got home. I heard you snoring so I knew you were sleeping here..” he murmured while he’s resting the back of his head on top of the sofa.

“Hoy, hindi ako naghihilik ah?!” naiinis kong komento sa sinabi niya. Nanatili siya sa ganoong posisyon at mukhang nagpapahinga.

“Yeah you were, but it’s fine with me. It’s cute..” I saw a short smile formed on his lips. Cute? Anong ikina-cute ko roon?

Minsan talaga ay may mga bagay na hindi ko maitindihan sa lalaking ito. Parang wala siyang arte sa katawan. I’m more conscious than him actually. He doesn’t care about my flaws, somehow it’s impressive but I’m also thinking how could he do that, or he just really doesn’t care at all?

“I’ll prepare our breakfast, magpahinga ka na muna rito. Ayos ka na ba rito o gusto mong magbihis muna sa kwarto mo?” pinagmasdan ko siyang nakapikit na. He looked so tired and stressed kaya hinayaan ko nalang siya at hindi na masyadong kinulit pa.

Nakaidlip na yata ang loko. I sighed and squatted on the floor to remove his shoes. I let him slumber on the sofa.

Umakyat muna ako sa itaas upang magshower at magsipilyo. Binilisan ko nalang dahil kailangan ko pang maghanda ng aming almusal.

Late na akong nakarating sa school dahil natagalan pa ako sa paggising kay Levi. Nang lumabas ako ng bahay ay hindi ko na nakita ang itim na van. Ngayong narito na ako sa school ay hindi ko na rin natanaw kung saan ang sasakyan. It feels like a normal day again for me.

Same routine at school. Nanood kami ng laban nina Gael kasama si Renan at Kimpoy. But unfortunately, his team didn’t win this time. Kaya bugnot ito nang kumain kami ng lunch.

“Maruruming maglaro kasi ang mga gago..” bubulong pa siya dahil hindi matanggap ang pagkatalo.

“Move on ka na boy. Bawi ka nalang next time.” tugon naman ni Kimpoy sa kanya na lumalamon ng hotdog sandwich.

“It’s fine, pare. Dikit naman ang mga puntos, hindi gaanong malaki ang lamang. Nagkataon lang talaga na sinuwerte sila..” dagdag naman ni Renan.

“Tss..”

Nang matapos kaming maglunch ay nanood lang kami sa mga sumunod na laro gaya ng badminton at table tennis. Patuloy pa ring pinapakalma ni Kimpoy ang kaibigan naming si Gael na himala na hindi niya ngayon inaasar.

“Tara, bili tayo ng makakain Riles..” hinatak ako ni Kimpoy palabas ng gymnasium, naiwan ang dalawang lalaki sa loob.

“Gutom ka na naman? Isang oras pa lang nakalipas ang lunch ah?” kuryoso kong tanong sa kanya.

Sa field kung nasaan ang mga booths ay maraming nagbebenta ng pagkain. Doon niya ako hinatak at napiling mamili.

“Di ko alam, basta ginugutom ako e.”

I shook my head. Nagtingin-tingin kami ng maaaring kainin. Natagalan pa kaming pumili dahil itong si Kimpoy ay ang arte. Sa huli ay napagkasunduan nalang naming mamili ng siomai.

Naupo kami sa isang bench na nalililiman ng matangkad na puno at doon namin kinain ang nabiling pagkain. I suddenly wonder why we didn’t go back to the gymnasium.

“Do you think Riles bagay sakin ang magpahaba ng buhok?” he asked all of a sudden. Nang hindi agad magsink-in sakin ang katanungan niya ay sumimangot siya.

“Bakit gusto mo ng mahaba? Akala ko ba gusto mo ng maikli ang buhok?” nagtataka naman akong bumaling sa kanya. Napansin kong hindi niya pa ginagalaw ang kanyang biniling pagkain.

“Masama bang magbago ang isip?”

Pinaningkitan ko siya ng mga mata. I smell something weird or fishy about it, though. I feel like he’s hiding something.

“Mukha namang babagay sa’yo, gaano kahaba ba ang balak mo?” sinakyan ko nalang muna siya bago siya tanungin ng diretso.

“Kahit hanggang balikat sana?” malikot ang mga mata niya at hindi makatagal ng tingin sa akin. Something weird is really going on with him.

“Long hair? Gaya ng sa mga babae?”

“No!”

Suminghap ako sandali sa biglaang pagtanggi niya. What’s going on with him?

Hinayaan ko nalang siya dahil mukhang wala naman siyang balak na ibahagi kung anong nangyayari sa kanya.

Sa hindi kalayuan ay namataan ko ang isang matangkad na lalaking nakaitim. Pamilyar ang mukha nito kahit na may suot itong sunglasses. Isa ito sa dalawang lalaking sumusunod sa akin. Bumibili ito ng pagkain sa isang booth. Now, he has the guts to follow me even inside the school?

“Halika na Kim!” hinatak ko na paalis si Kimpoy upang bumalik na kami sa loob ng gymnasium.

Those guys are really creepy, but they looked fine. I mean, they don’t look like the bad guys I’ve seen in movies. It’s so obvious that they are following me but at the same they are not approaching me. They’re just always around.

“Ba’t ang tagal niyo? Tapos na tuloy ang badminton.” banggit ni Renan habang nakamasid sa aming bagong dating.

Tumabi ako kay Renan at si Kimpoy naman ay sa kabilang gilid ni Gael ngunit napansin kong may kaunting distansya sa pagitan nila.

Nagkwentuhan kaming dalawa ni Renan habang nagsisimula ang bagong laro ng volleyball. Gael and Kimpoy were also talking but it was about the game.

Mabilis na lumipas ang mga araw hanggang sa sumapit ang biyernes. Ang araw kung saan nakatakdang dalhin ni Selena ang anak ni Leviticus upang magkitang muli ang mag-ama.

Kanina ko pa napapansin ang hindi mapakali at pabalik-balik na lakad ni Leviticus sa harapan ko habang komportable akong nakaupo sa sofa.

“Lev, pumirmi ka nga rito. Ako’y nahihilo sa’yo eh…” puna ko sa kanya kaya napahinto siya ng lakad at saka pinahinga ang dalawang kamay sa kanyang baywang.

Nakatayo lang siya roon at waring nag-iisip ng malalim. Nakamasid lang ako sa kanya hanggang sa marinig namin ang tunog ng doorbell.

“Ako na, dito ka nalang.” utos ko sa kanya dahil akto siyang maglalakad. Agad ding tumigil nang marinig ang paglabas ko ng bahay.

Outside the gate, I noticed a tall and well-built man who absolutely looked like Leviticus. He curiously eyed me.

“Magandang araw po, s-sino po sila?” magalang kong tanong habang binubuksan ang gate.

He looked at me from head to toe. His eyes have the same intensity with my boyfriend, I already have a theory on my mind but I don’t want to assume.

“Levinne Torralba, nariyan ba ang anak ko?”

My jaw dropped open. Agad akong bumawi at humingi ng tawad. Sa telepono ko lang dati ito nakausap ngunit ngayon ay kaharap ko na.

“Dad, that’s Riley who takes care of kuya and the house..” bigla namang sumulpot si Legend na may hawak na cellphone sa kanyang kamay.

“Oh okay, nice to meet you iho.” naglahad ito ng kamay kaya mainit ko naman itong tinanggap.

Starstruck pa rin ako dahil kamukha talaga ito ni Leviticus, the only difference is their age. I feel like I’m talking to an older version of my boyfriend.

“P-Pasok po kayo, pasensya na..” hinatid ko ang dalawa papasok sa loob.

The two greeted Leviticus and even hugged him. I didn’t know they are gonna be here too, wala naman kasing nabanggit si Levi. Sabagay, matagal na rin sigurong hindi nakikita ng kanyang pamilya ang bata.

Kalaunan ay nag-usap ng seryoso ang tatlo tungkol sa negosyo. Paghahanda naman ng makakain ang inatupag ko. Habang abala ako sa pagtimpla ng mga kape ay sumulpot naman si Legend sa kusina kung nasaan ako.

“Excited kasi si Dad kaya maaga kaming nakarating dito. Matagal na din naming ’di nakikita si Levianna, simula noong nangyari ang aksidente.” tumango-tango ako sa nalaman. Levianna must be the name of their daughter.

“Ikaw, kumusta ka naman dito? Buti at nagtagal ka sa ugali ni kuya? Hindi ka ba madalas masigawan?” may bahid ng ngisi sa labi niya. Hindi rin kasi kami gaanong nakakapag-usap nitong huli dahil panay tungkol sa negosyo ang ipinupunta niya.

Legend also looked like their father, the only difference is he has softer features compared to the two. His wavy hair added to the warmer look on his face unlike Leviticus who has this extremely sleek hair which makes him look very tailored and gentle.

But imagining what Legend’s asking, Leviticus never raised his voice at me. Siguro sa mga oras na nag-aasaran kami pero bukod doon ay wala naman at hindi na siya ulit naging bayolente.

“Hindi naman. Mabait at tahimik naman ang kuya mo. Hindi naman na siya naging bayolente ulit.” play-safe kong sagot, Leviticus can be kind at times when necessary, but quiet? No way. He never keeps his mouth shut unless he’s pissed.

“Hind ba nangangagat?” dagdag na tanong niya at saka bumungisngis. Ngunit hindi ko nagawang sabayan ang biro niya dahil natigilan ako. Well, hindi naman literal na nangangagat si Leviticus but he’s still wild and dangerous.

He watched me shook my head and helped me bring the tray of food to the living room.

Ilang oras pa kaming naghintay bago dumating si Selena kasama ang batang babae na mukhang nasa apat na taong gulang pa lang. She looks so pretty, hindi ko pa nakikita ang larawan ng naging asawa ni Levi pero sigurado akong maganda iyon.

The three looked so surprised, though. Inakay ni Selena ang bata na nagtatago sa likuran ng mga binti nito na parang nahihiyang magpakita.

“Baby, remember daddy? He’s there…” kinausap ni Selena ang bata at tinuro pa si Leviticus na nakatayo sa kanilang harapan.

I got so heartbroken knowing that Levi can’t see his daughter, pero ang mahawakan at mahagkan itong muli ay malaking bagay na para sa kanya.

“Hey, baby… come here..” Leviticus is now on his knees, trying to please his baby girl.

The view was like a scene from a movie. Leviticus nervously licked his lower lip as he can’t hear any response from his daughter.

“M-Mommy..” naiiyak na tugon ng bata at saka nagpakarga kay Selena, mukhang ayaw lapitan ang ama.

Nahabag ako at parang hindi kayang panoorin ang susunod. Yumuko si Leviticus at bumagsak ang mga kamay. He looked so miserable. Agad itong dinaluhan ni Legend at tinulungang tumayo.

Nagkatinginan lang sina Selena at Tito Levinne, pareho ng nararamdaman sa pagtanggi ng bata sa kanyang ama. Saglit na lumayo si Selena karga ang bata at kinausap ito ng masinsinan.

I can’t go anywhere near Leviticus because Legend and their dad are around, it must be so awkward for them to watch me comfort him. Kaya nanatili lang ako sa aking kinatatayuan.

Kalaunan ay bumalik si Selena at hinayaan ang batang kusang lumapit sa kanyang ama. I kept on watching as the little girl tried to touch Levi’s hands. Gulat ang emosyong rumehistro sa mukha ni Leviticus. Maingat na hinawakan ni Levi ang bata at saka ito niyakap.

Selena and the other two looked so happy. Maging ako’y natutuwa sa nangyari. Ang buong akala ko’y hindi na siya makikilala ng kanyang anak. Mabuti na lamang at hindi na ito natakot.

“Did you miss daddy?” mahinang tanong niya sa bata, tumango ang bata ngunit alam kong hindi ito makikita ni Levi.

“Daddy..” nang bigkasin iyon ng bata ay napansin ko ang luhang tumakas sa mga mata ni Leviticus. It’s too heartwarming to watch them.

Leviticus kissed his daughter on her forehead. Nagpakarga ang bata, binuhat naman ito ni Leviticus at saka sila nag-usap.

Ako naman ay naghanda na sa pagpasok sa paaralan.

Same school routine ngunit ito na ang huling araw ng foundation week. Bukas at sa linggo ay walang pasok bilang pahinga ng lahat. Marami pa ring mga booths ang naka-setup sa field ngunit laking gulat ko nang muling naroon ang manghuhula sa dati nitong pwesto.

I suddenly remember the warnings she said to me. As much as I want to keep my peace of mind, it bothered me once again.

Tulala akong naglalakad nang makasalubong ko si Kimpoy na galing sa main building.

“Riles!” tawag nito na kumuha ng atensyon ko.

We walked together and he shared to me what he did for today. Nagpahula raw siya kanina sa parehong fortune teller na muling nagpakita ngayon.

“Something big will happen soon with my life raw, hindi ba exciting? Baka magkaroon na ako ng lovelife? O baka manalo ako sa lottery? Tumaya kaya ako?” maingay siya at hindi magkamayaw sa mga naiisip na ideya.

I don’t want to change his mood that’s why I kept my mouth shut. Hindi ko naman pinaniniwalaan ang hula sakin kaya siguro ay mawawalan rin ito ng epekto. Is that how it works? If you won’t worry about it, it would be less likely to happen?

We spent the last day watching other extra-curricular activities. Muling nag-away sina Gael at Kimpoy ngunit nagkabati rin naman bago matapos ang huling laban na napanood namin.

“Mag-iingat kayo!” Renan waved his hand as he bids goodbye.

Kumaway rin naman si Gael sa aming dalawa ni Kimpoy bago sila naglaho sa aming paningin.

“Something’s obviously going on with you, noong isang araw pa..” puna ko nang kaming dalawa na lamang ang naiwan ni Kimpoy.

“H-Huh? Anong pinagsasabi mo, Riles? Wala ’yon!” pagmamaang-maangan niya naman.

It’s kind of unfair to think that we’re close friends and he always used to help me with my problems but he won’t let me help him in return.

“Really?” I raised an eyebrow. He laughed nervously as I stared directly at his eyes.

“Wala nga. I’m fine. Nothing’s going on, promise.” tinaas pa niya ang isang kamay upang ipakita saking totoo siya sa sinasabi niya.

If he’s not ready to tell me anything yet, I do understand. Ganoon naman lagi ang mga tao, kahit ako. Kahit alam ko nang mayroong mali ang nangyayari sakin o sa paligid ko, I still don’t want to put burden on other people and just keep it to myself.

Nagpaalam si Kimpoy at sa taliwas na direksyon dumaan dahil sa muling ipinag-uutos ng kanyang ina.

Nagsimula na akong maglakad pauwi dahil napapansin kong kumakagat na ang dilim. Iba rin ang hampas ng hangin, mukhang uulan pa yata.

Binilisan ko ang paglalakad. The sky is starting to get dark. Though the street lights keep the route illuminated. Sa mga ganitong oras ay nakaalis na siguro si Selena sa bahay. Hindi raw kasi sila maaaring magtagal dahil hiniram lang ito sa kanyang mga magulang at hindi alam na kikitaan ang ama ng bata.

I was busy reminiscing what happened this morning when I noticed shadows behind me. And the moment I looked back, I saw four creepy guys walking cautiously not so far away from me. Napansin kong hindi ito ang madalas na sumusunod sa akin. These guys are different.

Nang mapansin ng isang lalaki ang paglingon ko sa kinaroroonan nila ay tumakbo ang mga ito patungo sa direksyon ko. I was all alone in the street so I have to assume that I was the one they were up to.

I gripped the strap of my bag and walked faster. Nang malaman kong malapit na ang mga ito ay tumakbo na rin ako sa takot.

What the fuck is their problem?

Pagliko ko ay natanaw ko ang isang babaeng naglalakad, it was the fortune teller. It felt so terrifyingly weird when I found her staring at me.

And at the most unexpected time, I remembered her words which clearly relate to what is happening right now.

“Darkness. I see darkness..”

Tumingala ako upang makitang tuluyan nang kinain ng kadiliman ang kalangitan.

Nagpatuloy ako sa pagtakbo at sa muling pagliko ko ay ang paghinto naman ng isang itim na van sa aking harapan. It was so fast.

Muntik pa akong bumangga rito ngunit agad na bumukas ang pintuan nito at hinatak ako papasok ng pamilyar na lalaking nakaitim.

“W-Wait who the hell are you?!”

Nakapasok ako sa loob. Hindi agad nagsink-in sakin ang lahat. He closed the door right away. Hanggang sa makarinig ako ng putok ng mga baril. The guy beside me told me to duck so that I won’t get shot or anything.

“Holy shit!”

Humarurot ang sasakyan pagkatapos, natanaw ko nalang ang apat na lalaking sumusunod sa akin kanina sa labas hanggang sa maglaho ang mga ito sa paningin ko.

The rain started to pour.

“Fuck! That was close!” the guy who’s driving hissed.

Sinuri ko ang sarili na awa ng diyos ay wala namang galos. I looked at the guy beside me and realized he was the same guy who’s following me the past few days. Dalawa sila, nagmamaneho ang isa. Itong lalaking katabi ko ay siya ring namataan ko sa school noong isang araw.

“Sino kayo?! Why are you follo—”

It happened so fast that he covered my face with a handkerchief until I didn’t remember the next thing happened. I blacked out. All I saw was darkness.

Chapter 22 [Make Love]

There is something about darkness that people crave. It’s the absence of light, the dark, the night, the cold, the emptiness, the silence, even death. If it isn’t because of the darkness, there will be no light. Light exists because of the presence of darkness. Like how stars can’t shine without it.

Weird but true.

The moment I opened my eyes, that was the time I knew I wasn’t dead yet. Napakurap ako nang ilang beses upang pagmasdan ang paligid. I saw mirror… and dashboard… and glass..

Nang malaman kong nasa loob pa rin ako ng sasakyan ay gumalaw ako mula sa kinauupuan, ngunit agad kong naramdaman ang malamig na bagay sa aking palapulsuhan. Nakaposas ang aking kaliwang kamay sa bandang gilid ng upuan.

I can’t shout or at least speak a word, natanaw ko sa itaas na salamin ang nakabusal kong bibig.

WHAT THE FUCK.

Is this… kidnapping?

Nag-isip ako ng paraan kung paano ako makakatakas gayong nakaposas ang aking isang kamay at ang bibig ay nakabusal pa. Mag-isa ako sa loob ng sasakyan kung kaya’t sinamantala ko ang mga oras na ’yon upang hanapin ang aking kagamitan.

Unfortunately, my things were nowhere to be found, so calling someone for help is off the list. Wala rin naman akong ibang bagay na mahanap sa paligid gaya ng patalim o susi.

Fuck.

Nagbubutil na ang aking pawis sa kabang nararanasan. Hindi lang kaba kung hindi takot. Takot sa maaaring ideya na kahihinatnan ko sa araw na ito. I’ve never thought that I would ever experience this, and now that I’m in this situation, I don’t know where I could get enough hope.

I’ve done terrible things in the past, but this is not the way I imagined myself paying for those sins. Never. Pinagsisisihan ko na ang lahat ng maling bagay na nagawa ko o nasabi ko. But I still want to live. Lalo ngayong may nagmamahal na sa akin.

Sumagi sa isip ko si Leviticus. He still needs me, and I love him so much that I don’t want to leave this world yet. Marami pa akong pangarap sa buhay. I know I didn’t have any dreams before but since I met Levi, everything changed. I want to be a better version of myself.

“Malalagot tayo nito!”

Napalingon ako sa bandang likuran ng sasakyan. Doon ko nasaksihan sa labas ang dalawang lalaking dumakip sa akin, seryoso ang mga itong nag-uusap. Hindi ko halos marinig ang pinag-uusapan nila, nagkakaroon lamang ng tsansa kapag magsisigawan ang mga ito sa galit.

I can’t cry right now. This is not the end. Kailangan kong maging matatag. Kailangan kong maging kalmado at mag-isip ng paraan kung paano ako makakawala sa sitwasyong ito.

If this is really kidnapping, I don’t think they can get money from me. I mean how does capturing me and holding me hostage could benefit them? Hindi naman ako mayaman. Hindi naman ako sikat o ano pa man. I don’t have anything to offer. Kaya ano ang maaaring dahilan ng mga ito?

Maraming mga rason at ideya ang pumapasok sa aking isipan. Isa na roon ang posibilidad na ibebenta nila ang mga lamang-loob ko. That is fucking gross but it happens in real life. Maaari din nila akong gawing alipin, o baka dalhin nila ako sa malayong lugar at pagtrabahuin para kumita sila?

O baka naman may balak silang….

No! That’s fucking insane! They can’t touch me or else they are gonna taste Leviticus’s bloody revenge. He won’t let it pass if something terrible happens to me.

Halos mapatalon ako sa gulat nang bumukas ang pintuan sa aking tapat. Nagtama ang paningin ko at ng dalawang hindi kilalang lalaki. Pareho silang matangkad at matipuno, balot ng tattoo ang mga braso at iba pang parte ng katawan.

“Asdfghjkl! Hmnnnmrrmn…” I kept on mumming so that they would remove the obstruction on my mouth.

Nagkatinginan silang dalawa at parang may sariling senyasan na sila lang ang nagkakaintindihan.

The other guy shook his head and later on jumped inside to get close to me. Marahan niyang ibinaba ang telang nakabara sa aking bibig. I heaved for air as I’m still panting.

“What do you guys want from me?” hingal kong tanong sa dalawa.

Instead of giving me an answer, they just stare blankly at me like I don’t exist in their eyes.

“Pakawalan niyo ako! Wala naman kayong mapapala sa’kin!” sigaw ko na nagpupumilit dahil pakiramdam ko’y wala rin namang makakarinig sa akin dahil mukhang nasa isang liblib na lugar kami.

Nagpatuloy ako sa pagpupumiglas, mahapdi na ang aking kaliwang palapulsuhan dahil sa bakal na nakabigkis dito. Pumupula na ito dahil sa marahas kong paggalaw.

Bumalik sa loob ang lalaking katabi ko kanina at ’yong isa’y naupo sa driver’s seat. The place we were parked is dark not until I saw the headlights of the vehicle flashed. Binuhay ang makina at muling umandar ang sasakyan na wala akong kaide-ideya kung saan kami tutungo.

“Excuse me, hello? Can you uncuff my hand? I noticed how you followed me everywhere the past few days, anong motibo niyo sakin?” Since they are not talking, I tried to lower down my voice and see if they are gonna respond now.

Mahinahon na ako ngunit mas lalo lang yata akong nainis dahil ayaw pa rin nilang magsalita. They’re not even looking at me.

If they wanted to kill me, I should be dead by now. Pero hindi. They were keeping me alive for something. Mayroon silang kailangan sa akin, imposibleng wala!

Higit isang oras din ang biyahe bago ko naramdaman ang pagtigil ng sasakyan. The guy beside me leaned forward as he uncuffed my hand. Hinilot ko ang aking mahapding palapulsuhan nang makawala ito sa pagkakabigkis.

“W-Wait! Anong ginagawa mo?!” hinatak ako nito hanggang sa makalabas ako ng sasakyan.

Binato nito sa akin ang kagamitan ko na nasalo ko naman.

The guy who pulled me gave me a final smirk, then closed the doors at me. Humarurot paalis ang van at naiwan ako sa gitna ng kalye. Gulo at lito, ngunit mas lalo akong nagulumihanan nang masipat ko ang bahay ni Leviticus sa tapat ko.

WHAT IS HAPPENING?

Dala ng takot at lamig ng gabi, pumasok ako sa loob ng bahay. I still can’t comprehend why did they drop me off here. Ang buong akala ko’y gagawan na nila ako ng masama, pero ano ito? Bakit nila ako inuwi?

I found Leviticus sitting on the sofa, alone and silent. Napansin ko ang mabilis nitong pagtayo nang isara ko ang main door.

“R-Riley?”

There was sorrow in his eyes. Salubong ang kanyang mga kilay. He’s biting his lip anxiously.

“S-Sorry, natagalan ako ng uwi. Gising ka pa?” lumapit ako sa kanya ngunit naunahan niya ako. He pulled my arm and embraced me with his steel-hard arms.

Mahigpit ang yakap, animo’y walang balak bumitaw. May tamang init na dala ang kanyang mga bisig. Gumanti ako ng yakap. Nakahinga ako ng maluwag. I felt home in his arms. Para akong umahon mula sa pagkakalunod.

“Sobra mo akong pinag-alala. You don’t usually go home this late, and you never called me. I-I thought you left me..” nahabag ako sa tono ng pag-aalala sa kanyang boses.

Bakit niya iisiping iiwan ko siya? Wala akong maisip na dahilan para gawin iyon. I would never leave him.

“Of course not. Ginabi lang ako kasi m-may dinaanan lang. But I’m fine, Lev. Kumain ka na ba ng dinner?” naupo kami saglit sa sofa.

I decided not to tell him what happened. Hindi rin naman ganoong kalala ang nangyari, hindi naman ako nagalusan o nagtamo ng anumang sugat. Yes, it’s a matter of life and death but I want to deal with this on my own.

“You sure you’re fine? Because you don’t sound fine to me.”

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kanya kahit alam kong useless iyon. Naalala kong malakas nga pala ang senses ng isang ’to, baka mahirapan akong magpaliwanag.

“Okay lang ako, Lev. Huwag ka nang mag-alala. Ginabi lang talaga ako ng uwi.” hinaplos ko ng bahagya ang kanyang mukha upang pakalmahin siya.

“Hmm.. come here..” utos niya kaya humilig ako sa kanya at binalot akong muli ng yakap. This man can’t get enough of the hugs.

“Did you go out with your friends? Hmm?” pinaglaruan ko ang mga balahibo sa kanyang braso na nasa ibabaw ng dibdib ko.

My back faces his chest, and we lay down there embracing each other.

“Hindi ah, sabay-sabay kaming umuwi.”

I can feel his face on top of my head, he’s sniffing my hair.

“So care to tell where have you been then?” kalmado niyang tanong ngunit may pakiramdam akong hindi niya ako titigilan hangga’t hindi ako nagsasabi ng totoo.

“Nagdinner ka na ba? Do I need to cook?” pag-iiba ko ng usapan at kumalas sa kanyang mga bisig.

“Yeah, I had dinner with dad and Legend. Now, are you gonna tel—”

“I’m gonna go shower first. Bababa ako mamaya para kumain.” tumayo ako nang makita ang hindi sang-ayon niyang reaksyon.

Balak pa sana nitong tumayo ngunit naunahan ko siya at saka ako tumakbo patungo sa itaas. Hingal na hingal ako nang makarating sa aking kwarto. It’s so hard to stop him so I’m going to avoid him whenever he asks that. He has his own problems, ayaw ko nang dumagdag pa sa sakit ng ulo niya.

Walang habas akong naghubad at nagtungo sa bathroom. Binuksan ko ang gripo sa tub upang makaipon ng tubig, kinuha ko ang mga bubble baths sa tabi ng lavatory. Pinili ko iyong may halong vanilla at lavender dahil napapansin kong madalas akong amuyin ni Leviticus dahil doon. He seemed to like that scent on me.

Tinimpla ko ito sa tubig at nang sakto na ang tubig sa tub ay nagbabad na ako roon. This feels so relaxing and stress relieving. Bumalik sa alaala ko ang mga nangyari kanina. And the creepy guys who’s after me. The two men in black seemed more fine compared to the four creepy guys who ran after me.

Even though I can’t fully trust those men in black, they followed me around the past few days. And it seemed like they saved me from those guys who even shot bullets at me. And they didn’t hurt me or what, they just put a leash on me so that I won’t go hysterical.

My senses came back when I heard the door unlocked. Muling gumapang ang kaba sa aking dibdib ngunit nang masilayan si Leviticus ay nakahinga ako ng maluwag.

But wait what? Leviticus is inside my bathroom?

“H-Hoy? Anong ginagawa mo rito sa loob?” dali-dali akong tumayo sa tub, muntik pa akong nadulas kung hindi lang ako nakakapit sa pader. Dahil wala akong kahit anong saplot ay nagtakip ako ng katawan gamit ang bathroom curtains.

But I wanted to mentally slap myself for doing that. Hindi nga pala nakakakita ang isang ’to. But still, there’s something about being naked in front of him. There’s something weird about it that makes me… disturbed.. and bothered..

In what way, Riley?

“Let’s talk here…” my jaw dropped, sumandal pa siya sa pader at nakaharap sa akin.

“Nababaliw ka na ba, Leviticus? Bakit dito tayo sa banyo mag-uusap? Hindi ba ’yan makakapaghintay?” singhal ko sa kanya.

I can’t stand inside the bathroom with him. It gives me so many censored thoughts.

“Ayaw mo akong kausapin doon sa labas e. Kaya dito nalang. We can even talk while having shower together..” there was a tinge of delight in his eyes as he suggested it.

Anong ibig sabihin niya sa talk while having a shower together? Ibang talk ang naiisip ko! Putangina nitong si Leviticus, nagiging malaswa na ang isipan ko dahil sa kanya.

“We’re not having shower together, Lev..”

Umalis siya sa pagkakasandal sa pader at saka hinubad ang kanyang tee-shirt, hinugot ito mula sa likuran. Para naman akong ignoranteng pinapanood siya.

“Yeah, we can. Let’s just talk… peacefully..”

Sa tapat ng tub ay ang shower enclosed by transparent glass. I watched him removed his shorts. Hindi na ako nakabalik sa tamang wisyo nang maging ang underwear niya’y hinubad niya, revealing his sleeping shaft.

Literal na nalaglagan ako ng panga. Pumasok siya sa loob ng shower at hinayaan ang tubig na bumagsak sa kanyang mukha pababa sa kanyang mahiwagang katawan. Though, there was one thing I noticed about his… sleeping organ. Kahit tulog pa ’yon ay nagmumura na. Lagpas yata ang haba nito sa aking kamay. At mataba rin ito. Kasing taba ng bote ng inuming tubig.

Fuck!

I’m facing his back pero tanaw ko pa rin ang nakalitaw niyang ari. Napalunok ako nang wala sa oras.

In addition to that, he’s capability as a father bothered me more. Of course, he knows how to do it. And it fucking scares me.

“Mainit pala ang tubig mo rito, maginhawa sa katawan…” ’yon ang komento niya saka humarap sa aking gawi. Hinahaplos niya ang buhok at ang kanyang umuusok na katawan.

Pauso rin ang unggoy na ’to e, para namang walang heater doon sa bathroom niya.

“Bakit dito ka nagshower? Wala ba roon sa kwarto mo?” sarkastikong tanong ko dahil napakaimposible nang naiisip ko.

Bumalik ako sa pagbababad sa tub. As much as I fixed my eyesight away from him, dadapo at dadapo pa rin doon sa kanya. I already expected him to be this huge but not this extra massive. Extremely massive. Parang hindi ko yata kaya ’yun kung sakali.

Riley, are you really thinking about sex right now?

Paano rin naman akong hindi mag-iisip ng ganito kundi dahil sa lalaking ’to na malakasang idini-display ang kanyang kauhaw-uhaw na katawan.

“Sira ang tubo roon, kaya dito muna ako makikisuyo. Ayos lang naman siguro sa’yo?” may bahid na ng ngisi sa kanyang labi.

Hindi niya ako maloloko sa mga palusot niya. Pwe! Sira ang tubo? Bakit hindi niya ipagawa sa tubero? Napailing-iling nalang ako sa kawalan. Sa kakaisip ko sa tubong sinasabi niya ay napapatingin na rin ako sa isa pang tubo na nakakabit sa katawan niya.

HOLY FUCK. GOD FORGIVE ME FOR I HAVE SINNED.

Gustuhin ko mang tanggihan ang temptasyon ay hindi sumusunod ang aking katawan. Tinatablan na ako ng makamundong pagnanasa.

Sobrang hirap magpigil. Lalo na kung ganitong tipo ng lalaki ang malakas ang loob na magpakita ng motibo. Hinihintay nalang yata niyang saluhan ko siya roon sa loob, e.

“Wala bang tubero? At saka ang dami mong guest room na may kanya-kanyang bathroom.” tinaasan ko siya ng kilay kahit imposibleng makita niya ’yon.

“Dito nalang para mas malapit. At para may pinanonood ka rin.”

WHAT DID HE FUCKING SAY?

“E-Excuse me? Bakit kita panonoorin?”

Ibang-iba talaga itong lalaking ito sa mga nakilala ko. Iba ang galawan niya. Kapag may bagay siyang gusto, hindi siya ang lalapit. Instead, he would do things to turn it around and let things come to him without putting so much effort.

And it’s damn effective.

“Bakit, ayaw mo ba? O hindi mo ako makita ng malinaw riyan? Dapat ba mas malapit para mas kita mo?” napanganga ako nang itulak niya ang pintuan nito at saka lumabas.

Tagiktik ang tubig sa sahig, basang-basa pa siya ng tubig habang humahakbang siya patungo sa kinaroroonan ko. Hindi na ako makakurap at natulala nalang sa kanya.

Laking gulat ko pa nang sumampa siya sa tub. Ang kanina’y maluwag at solong-solong espasyo ay sumikip nang saluhan niya ako sa tub.

“What the fuck, Leviticus Amedeo Torralba?!”

He stopped from moving. Nakalublob na sa tubig na nahaluan ng mga bula ang kalahating bahagi ng katawan niya.

“Binigkas mo ang buong pangalan ko, do you have any idea how I’m fucking turned on right now?” wika niya saka umulos patungo sa akin upang abutin ang aking labi.

Our lips met. With so much compassion and desire, he kissed me and even played with my tongue. Dahil pareho kaming walang saplot, damang-dama ko ang katawan niya sa ibabaw ko. And his hot arousal is beginning to get hard.

“Shit, L-Levi..” his lips travelled on my neck, below my ear, and back to my lips. Ang isang kamay niya ay nasa aking leeg habang ang isa ay nakatukod sa gilid ng tub bilang suporta sa kanyang bigat.

“Looks like we can’t fit here together…” aniya nang mapansing hindi nga kami kasyang dalawa roon.

Ang ilang tubig ay umaapaw na.

“E kasi ang laki mo, sumisiksik ka pa rito.” dinilaan niya pa ang kanyang labi nang saglit kaming tumigil sa halikan.

But something amused him all of a sudden with what I’ve said.

“Kapag malaki talaga, mahilig sumiksik..” malisyosong tugon niya kaya sinuntok ko ng mahina ang kanyang dibdib.

“B-Bastos!” singhal ko, hindi kayang pakinggan ang malalaswang salita na lumalabas sa kanyang bibig.

“Pareho tayong walang saplot dito tapos sasabihan mo akong bastos?” pamimilosopo niya.

Sa isang iglap ay napasigaw ako sa gulat nang hatakin niya ako. Nagkapalit kami ng posisyon, ako na ngayon ang nasa ibabaw niya. Lalong umapaw ang tubig sa tub at kumalat na kung saan-saan ang mga bula.

“Levi! Ang likot mo!”

Hindi na naalis ang ngisi sa kanyang mukha. Mukhang tuwang-tuwa pa siya sa nangyayari. Nagkakalat kami rito sa banyo!

“This is better…” he murmured below my ear.

Kahit kumapit ako sa gilid ng tub gaya ng ginawa niya kanina ay hindi ko magawa dahil dumudulas ang kamay ko roon. Kaya ang resulta, bumabagsak ang katawan ko sa kanya. Tumutusok na sa aking tiyan ang kanyang naghuhumindig na alaga.

“Lagi mo akong sinasabik. Kung babae ka siguro, baka noon pa kita naanakan..” bulong niya na nakapagpatayo sa lahat ng balahibo ko sa katawan.

How could he… How could he compare me to a woman? Really? In this fucking situation?

“So you’re imagining me as a woman, tama ba Leviticus?” I put so much sarcasm on my words, letting him feel how furious I am right now because of his words.

“That’s not what I sa—”

“So mas gusto mo ang babae, ganun ba?” may hinanakit kong tanong.

Ayaw ko mang masaktan ay mukhang ganoon nga ang iniisip niya. Gusto niya sigurong magkaroon ulit ng anak. Na hindi ko kayang ibigay.

“You misinterpreted what I’ve said. Hindi ganoon ang ibig kong sabihin, Riley. You know how much I adore you, sugar lips..”

Out of frustration, still unconvinced, I pursed my lips.

“Pero kasasabi mo lang na kung sana lang ay babae ako.” dagdag ko pa. Kahit ano sigurong ikatwiran niya ngayon ay hindi na niya mababawi ang sinabi.

Or so I thought.

“Yeah, that is if you’re a woman, then you’ll be pregnant by now. But you’re a man, Riley.. which makes it better.. kung babae ka, baka nakailang anak na ako sayo, but since you’re a man, I don’t have to worry about that. Because I can make love to you every fucking time I want….”

Nakanguso pa rin ako. I listened to his words that are a bit convincing now, in all fairness.

“Masaya na ako sa isang anak, Riley. O kung gusto mo gumawa rin tayo ng atin? There are a lot of ways for that, sabihin mo lang..”

Now that I’m fully convinced, I kissed him aggressively. I’m so turned on. Tama naman siya, kung babae nga lang siguro ako ay baka nakailang gawa na kami ng anak.

But since I can’t bear babies, he can do whatever he wants to do with me.

“Let’s make love, papi..” I whispered and bit his lip making him cursed silently.

Chapter 23 [Sore]

[

Read at your own risk]

———

Mabagal ang paglalakad ko na halos hindi ko na nasundan si Kimpoy. Binalikan niya lang ako nang mapansing nahuli na ako.

“Bakit ganyan ka maglakad? May masakit ba sa’yo?” kuryosong tanong niya.

Paika-ika akong maglakad. Inaya niya ako sa isang mall tutal ay wala kaming pasok. Hindi na sana ako sasama ngunit pinilit niya ako.

“Masakit lang ang paa ko.” pangangatwiran ko na mukhang inignora niya lang at hindi pinakinggan.

He watched me as I step so slowly. Hindi naman nagtagal ay may sumibol na ngiti sa kanyang mga labi. Animo’y may nakakalokong ideya ang tumatakbo sa isipan niya ngayon.

“Parang hindi naman paa mo ang masakit. Nakailang rounds ba kayo kagabi at paika-ika ka na ngayong maglakad?” nang mahablot ko ang manggas ng damit niya ay hinampas ko siya.

Silly. Bakit ang bilis niyang manghusga? Am I that too transparent? Ganoon na ba akong karupok sa tingin niya?

Wild memories of last night came back and replayed on my mind.

“Let’s make love, papi..” I whispered and bit his lip making him cursed silently.

Tumayo ako mula sa tub at hinatak ko siya patungo sa loob ng shower. I clicked some buttons and eventually water dripped down from the shower heads. Umagos ang tubig sa buong katawan namin, ang mga bula ay kasamang umagos sa sahig.

Hindi niya pinalampas ang pagkakataon na atakihin ang aking mga labi hanggang sa mapasandal na ako sa pader. Sa apat na sulok ng shower room, doon namin pinagsaluhan ang aming nagbabagang kasabikan sa isa’t isa.

He kissed me so hungrily, gumaganti rin ako ng halik sa kanya. His hands are snaking around my waist down to my butt. He gripped it so tight I almost bit his lip as a reaction.

“Damn, your lips are so fucking sweet..” humigpit pa lalo ang pagkakayapos niya sa aking katawan dahilan para mas dumikit ang katawan ko sa kanya.

His hot arousal is already on my skin, dumudulas at animo’y nanghihikayat na mahagkan. I pushed him back so that we can switch positions. Siya na ngayon ang nakasandal sa pader. Umawang ang kanyang bibig sa gulat sa aking ginawa.

“F-Fuck, Riley you’re driving me nuts…”

My right hand travelled down his muscular chest down to his abdomen slowly going down further to his massive shaft. Hinaplos ko ito at pinalibutan ang taba nito gamit ang aking mga daliri na halos hindi nagtagpo dahil sa angking laki at taba nito.

“Dammmmn…” he moaned even I wasn’t doing anything yet to satisfy him.

In a slow manner at first, I massaged his manhood. Nagmumura ito at dumudulas na ang kamay ko sa mga paunang katas na lumalabas na rito. Sabik na sabik sa haplos ng aking kamay, tiningnan ko ito na namumula na ang ulo.

I gulped the lump in my throat. Mula sa mabagal ay bumilis ang pagtaas-baba ko sa kanyang pumipintig na tarugo. I jacked him off until his hands asked support from my shoulders.

Nakapikit na siya at nilalasap ang ginagawa ko sa kanyang malaki at mahabang ari.

“Yeahhh.. Dammmn your hand is so fucking warm..”

Hinuli ko ang mga labi niya habang ginagawa ko ’yun. Binati ko nang mabilis ang kanyang kargada, punong-puno na ng madulas na likido ang aking kamay hindi pa man siya tuluyang nilalabasan.

Pinakawalan ko ang kanyang mga labi at walang pagdadalawang-isip akong lumuhod sa kanyang harapan. Sabay sa bagsak ng tubig mula sa shower heads ang kabang nararamdaman ko. It felt like raining, it’s raining on me.

I want to try if his cock would fit into my mouth.

Tiningala ko siya na walang kaide-ideya sa susunod kong gagawin. Bilang panimula, muli kong binati ang kanyang kargada at mas lalong napagmasdan ang sukat nito nang malapitan. Fuck! Do I really have to do this? Magkakasya ba talaga ito sa aking bibig?

Unlike a normal banana fruit or cucumber, his shaft’s size is even bigger than those. I have never done this act but I have seen videos. Tinulak ko paitaas ang kanyang ari at sinimulang dilaan ang ilalim nito.

“P-Putangina!”

Leviticus is so noisy with his moans. But it didn’t bother me, though. Mas lumakas pa ang loob ko na pag-igihan upang masiyahan siya. Kahit man lang dito ay matumbasan ko ang pagmamahal na ibinibigay niya sa akin.

“I’m gonna suck you, Lev..” anunsyo ko sa kanya at hindi pa man siya nakakasagot ay isinubo ko ng buo ang kanyang tarugo.

“Oh! Daaaammmn! Fuck!”

I would never thought it could fit inside my mouth but it happened so fast and naturally. Parang eksperto ay nagkasya ito sa aking bibig ngunit halos mabilaukan ako at maubo.

Hingal na hingal si Leviticus sa ginawa ko. Iniluwa ko ito ngunit isinubo kong muli upang masanay ang aking bibig sa sukat nitong hindi makatotohanan.

“Hmmm… Uhhhmnnnnm..”

Naglabas-masok ang kanyang naninigas na pagkalalaki sa loob ng aking bibig. The sticky substance coming out from the head of his cock served as a natural lubricant, making me swallow it easier.

Kumapit ako sa kanyang magkabilang baywang bilang suporta, ngunit tinulungan niya rin ako gamit ang dalawang kamay niyang pumwesto sa likuran ng aking ulo. Umuulos ako at bahagyang humihigpit na ang kapit niya sa aking buhok.

“Yeah… ganyan nga… damn… I never thought you could fucking do this…” he said in between moans.

I focused on the sensation his cock and my tongue is making. His throbbing madness went even harder now. Hindi na ang ulo ko ang gumagalaw sa ngayon dahil siya na ang bumabayo sa aking bibig.

“Fuuuckk… though I wished you could do this but I don’t wanna force you.. but since you could do this, damn you’re making me adore you even more..”

I shuddered in so much pleasure while he does that. I looked up to see his face. His smoldering eyes drew me in. To satisfy his quench for sex more, I opened my mouth wider to let him in fully.

“Hmmmnnn…. urrmmghhggh..” I gagged as he pushed deeper and deeper.

“FUCK!”

Bumagal lamang ang kanyang pagbayo nang maramdaman ko ang mainit na likido sa loob ng aking bibig. He looked so exhausted in a sudden but he didn’t stop pushing until I swallowed down all of his essence and ingested it without hesitation.

“Damnn, you fucking sugar lips… did you.. did you swallow it all?” tanong niya nang makabalik sa wisyo.

Ang mga mata niya ay pagod ngunit nagsusumamo pa rin. Tumayo ako upang maglebel ang aming mga mukha.

“Yeah, your cum is sweeter than my lips, though..” I teased him even more. Pinaglaruan ko pa ang aking labi gamit ang mga daliri. Ang lagkit sa aking labi ay dinilaan ko. Though I wished he could see how I am tempting him right at this moment.

“Did you know that it’s my first orgasm in years?”

Napanganga ako sa aking nalaman. Is he serious? Is that even normal? Of course, before we met I imagine him touching himself to satisfy his manly needs. It’s too impossible for him to refrain from doing this things.

“Are you serious?”

Sabagay, marami rin naman siyang inilabas kanina na halos mapuno ang bibig ko.

“Yeah. I used to jerk off but I grew tired of it. Kaya matagal ring naimbak ’yun…”

His eyes are full of mixed emotions while reminiscing about it. Mas lalo akong ginanahan nang mapansin kong matigas pa rin ang kanyang tarugo.

“Let’s do it all out then..” bigkas ko sa kanya saka ko muling hinawakan ang kanyang ari.

“Are you serious?”

Tinitigan ko siya. I kissed him quickly before giving him an answer.

“Dead serious, papi. I want to try it so I would get used to its…. size..” I answered while looking down on his tool.

Umangat ang isang sulok ng kanyang labi. In a swift motion, pinatalikod niya ako. Facing the glass wall, I’m kind of anxious but I still anticipate for him to penetrate me.

“I’m gonna do it slow… just give me the go signal whenever you want me to go faster..” this is what I love so much about him, he doesn’t force me into anything I’m not sure of. Rather he gives me options.

How could I ever leave a man like this?

I mentally prayed crazily while waiting for him to do it. I wished it could fit my hole, though. Paano kung hindi? How am I gonna satisfy him? Baka maturn off siya kapag hindi ko kinaya?

My mind was flooded with so many unconventional thoughts. I shook my head to wash it away. Whenever it fits or not, I still need to do it.

“Ready?” he kissed my neck as he asked me about it.

“Yeah, do it..”

I closed me eyes as I felt the tip of his massive cock sliding deep inside me. Agad rin akong napadilat nang mapanganga ako sa sakit. His hand went on my stomach and caressed it lightly.

Hindi pa yata buo niyang naipapasok pero parang hihimatayin na ako. Para akong pinapasukan ng tubo sa aking tumbong! Fuck! I moaned in so much pain.

“I-I’m sorry… alisin ko na b—”

“No! Go further please..” I urged him amidst the pain I’m feeling.

In my entire existence, I think this is the bravest thing I’ve ever done.

“You sure? But you’re hurting…” he murmured behind my ears with worry in his tone.

“Of course it fucking hurts! Ang laki mo masyado!” I hissed just to endure the pain.

Pero mukhang namisinterpret naman niya ang ginawa kong pagsigaw. He almost backed down but I immediately stopped him from removing his member inside me.

“Riley! Damn it! I’m hurting you…”

“I’m fine! J-Just… Just continue.. I’d get used to it, I promise..” pangungumbinsi ko sa kanya.

But he didn’t move for almost a minute. Nang hindi ako makuntento ay ako na ang gumawa ng paraan. Bahagya akong umatras upang mas maipasok ang tarugo niya sa akin. I winced in overwhelming agony.

“Putangina! Riley!”

I closed my eyes to earn enough courage to get deeper. Isang malakas na pwersa ang ibinigay ko hanggang sa pakiramdam ko’y naipasok na ito ng buong-buo.

“FUCK!”

Pakiramdam ko ay may napunit sa loob-looban ko. Hinabol ko ang aking hininga. All he could do was hug me and caressed my hair. Pinuno niya ng halik ang aking likuran. His kisses travelled below my ear. I believe he’s doing that to mend the pain I’m feeling.

“I’m sorry… does it still hurt?” nag-aalalang tanong niya.

Of course, it still fucking hurts but I will get used to it. I should. He wasn’t giving me any pressure but I wanna put the pressure on myself. Backing down is the least of my priority right now. He is my boyfriend and whenever we do this, I should be capable.

Sometimes, people think that a massive size is great but for me it’s a torture. At first, probably. Kailangan ko sigurong sanayin ang sarili ko hindi lang sa unang beses.

“No, I’m fine. You can move now..” ani ko sa kanya kahit na tinitimpi ko nalang ang sakit.

I heard him cursed until I felt his shaft moved inside of me. Slowly, he thrusts while still hugging me as a support.

“Dammmnn… you’re so fucking warm..”

Ang pagbayo niya ay unti-unting bumibilis. Ang halinghing niya ay lumalakas na rin. Pinahid ko ang luhang lumihis sa aking mata. It still hurts but slowly I’m learning to deal with the rhythm he’s making.

“Does it still hurt, baby? Bagalan ko ba?”

His arms enveloped my neck in a protective gesture. He aimed for my lips but it’s hard to kiss him since he’s behind me.

“Maintain the pace, Levi.. it’s getting good now..”

“Hmmmkay…” lumalim na ang boses niya dahil sa sarap na natatamo niya mula sa aming ginagawa.

Honestly, there is still pain but the good sensation is starting to kick in. It was mixed emotions. Siguro nga’y sabay kong mararamdaman ito. I need to be ready for a faster pace. Tinulungan ko siyang bumayo, sinubukan kong salubungin ang kanyang pag-ulos.

Our deep-rooted moans filled the whole space of the room. Sounds bouncing, nag-uunahan na kami sa pag-ungol.

“Yeahh… yeahh… dammmn… you’re so fucking tight…”

“Let’s do it faster now, please…” pakiusap ko.

Dala na rin siguro ng makamundong pagnanasa ay biglang nag-iba ang kanyang galaw at nang marinig ang aking go-signal ay dalawang braso na niya ang nakapulupot sa aking katawan upang maipirmi ako at hindi tumilapon.

Binayo niya ako nang mas mabilis, mas malalim, mas sagad, mas malakas na pwersa, pasok na pasok, walang hanggan.

“Oh my god!!”

I felt so tiny as he embraced me with his steel-hard arms and with that robust body of his, I felt like a tiny human being. His length pushed forward deeper until I gasped for air.

I admired the full length of his powerful physique as he hugged me, never letting go of my body, he passionately kissed my neck.

“Fuck! Fuck! Levi! Shit!”

Hindi na niya ako naririnig dahil kinain na siya ng sariling pagnanasa. Halos tumirik na ang mga mata ko sa pinaghalong sakit at sarap na natatamasa.

“Damn! Holy shit! I’m gonna fuck you all night!”

That scene is so wild and primitive, we both didn’t get enough of each other. He exhaled extravagantly when I felt his essence consummating my hole.

“Fuck, that was ecstatic..” hinabol namin pareho ang aming hininga.

He slid out his rod and we both finished the shower. Muli kaming naghalikan nang magkaharap na kami. It was sensual, full of feelings, the type that I won’t forget.

“Parang hindi naman paa mo ang masakit. Nakailang rounds ba kayo at paika-ika ka na ngayong maglakad?” nang mahablot ko ang manggas ng damit niya ay hinampas ko siya.

“Pati ’yang labi mo namamaga, hala anong nangyari diyan?”

Kahit hirap ay binilisan ko nalang ang paglalakad upang hindi na punahin pa ’yon ni Kimpoy.

After we finished in the shower, we went outside the bathroom. Inabot ko sa kanya ang isang extra towel upang magpatuyo.

Naupo ako sa dulo ng kama habang tinutuyo ang aking buhok. I watched him do it too in front of me. His muscles are well-cut and flexing on its own whenever he moves.

I can’t imagine that we just did that! At kinaya ko! Kinaya ko, shit!

Lumapit siya sa akin at naupo sa aking tabi. Muli siyang umambang hahalikan ako ngunit tinapos ko iyon ng maaga.

“Levi, we’re both exhausted. Magpahinga naman tayo..”

Instead of obeying my words, he leaned forward and claimed my lips once again. Pakiramdam ko’y mamamaga na ang aking labi dahil sa kakahalik niya.

Hindi ko na namalayang bumagsak kaming dalawa sa kama. Nakaibabaw siya sakin. He removed the towel on his waist, at laking gulat ko nang malamang buhay na buhay pa rin ang kanyang naghuhumindig na kargada. Parang hindi nakuntento sa aming katatapos na pagtatalik ilang minuto pa lang ang nakalilipas.

“L-Levi, my god you’re still hard?” hindi ko makapaniwalang tanong.

He kissed me on my neck down to my chest. Ang mga galaw niya ay parang gutom na leon, agresibo pa rin at parang walang paraan para makuntento.

“Damn… thinking of you still makes me horny…” his voice is husky and deep.

This is beyond horny. Parang wala itong kabusugan. At mahapdi na ang aking butas. How am I gonna do it again if I’m still wounded by our previous session?

He parted my legs and he pushed so hard without giving me any announcement first.

“Shit! Oh god! Leviticus!”

I can’t help but to scream out due to shock. Masakit pa rin ngunit mas lamang na ang ginhawa. Habang bumabayo siya ay may bahid ng ngiti sa kanyang labi.

“Fuck! You’re so fucking tight! I won’t get enough of you, sugar lips…” he took my lips and we shared a torrid kiss.

My legs snaked around his waist as he pushed further, preying on me like a wild animal.

“Sige pa, Lev! Good god!”

And from there, he came once again until we both fell asleep.

Kinaumagahan ay nagluluto ako ng aming breakfast nang agad kong maramdaman ang mainit niyang mga braso na lumingkis sa aking tiyan.

He gave me a peck on my cheeks.

“How’s my sugar lips’ morning, hmm?” he chuckled so softly as he buried down his face on my neck.

You fucking made me sore, you horny dumbass!

I wish I could say that to his face. Nakiliti ako kung kaya’t tumigil muna ko saglit sa niluluto.

“Leviticus, nakikiliti ako.. tigil muna… wala ka bang kapaguran?”

Hinatak niya ang kamay ko upang magdikit ang aming katawan, I almost bend but he still caught my lips. Ang lalaking ’to, walang kapaguran nga! Damn it!

Halos mahilo ako nang iikot niya ako, at saka pinaliyad sa countertop sa aming likuran. Napansin ko ang nasagi kong basket na may lamang mga prutas na naghulugan na sa sahig.

“Levi! Oh god! Stop!”

Mabilis niyang nahubad ang kasuotan ko. Walang sabi-sabi ay muli niyang nilusob ang aking mumunting butas. Mabilis at pasok na pasok ito.

“Goddaammmnn! You’re still making me so fucking horny…” he whimpered as he bit his lower lip and pushed inside of me.

I yelled in so much pleasure. And from there, we did it again. And again.

At ang resulta, paika-ika na akong maglakad hanggang pauwi na kami at palabas ng mall.

“You’re sore, look at you! Malaki ba talaga? At nakailang ulit kayo?” hindi ko na pinansin ang mga katanungan ni Kimpoy at nagfocus sa tamang paglalakad.

Sa isang parking sa tapat ay nakuha ng pansin ko ang nakaparadang itim na van. The same black van who’s following me.

Pinauna ko nang umuwi si Kimpoy at nagdahilan na may babalikan pa ako sa loob ng mall. Nang mawala siya sa paningin ko ay binalingan ko ang sasakyan.

Dahil paika-ika ay binilisan ko ang lakad patungo sa itim na van. Nang makalapit ako ay napansin kong wala na namang tao sa loob nito. But the window at the front seat is half-open. Sumilip ako sa loob, I found cigarettes and empty bottles of water. Malakas ang loob ko na ito ang parehong sasakyan ng dalawang lalaking sumusunod sa akin.

With so much guts, binuksan ko ang pintuan at pumasok ako sa loob. Naupo sa parehong kinauupuan ko nang dakpin ako ng mga ito. Napansin kong naroon pa rin ang posas. Kinuha ko iyon at ikinabit sa aking kaliwang palapulsuhan. Ang susi ay nasa dashboard na kinuha ko at itinago sa aking bulsa.

Now, I have plan in an instant.

Inside the van, I waited for those men in black. I know they won’t hurt me, and I need to know what they are really up to.

Hindi nagtagal ay nakarinig ako ng mga boses sa labas. Two guys in black, they went back to the van. Nagulat ang mga ito nang buksan ang pintuan at masilayan ako sa loob.

“The fuck?!”

“What are you…”

I eyed the two of them. Gulat ang mga reaksyon nito. Of course, they didn’t expect my sudden appearance here inside the van.

“Should we go? I know you’ve been following me. And I’m pretty sure someone’s behind all of this. So I need you to bring me to your goddamn boss.” I raised my brows and gave them an evil smirk.

I even raised my left hand for them to see the cuff on my wrist. Their jaw dropped on the ground.

“Wala ba kayong narinig? Ang sabi ko dalhin niyo ako sa kung sinoman ang boss niyo!” singhal ko sa kanila kung kaya’t nagsipasok silang agad sa loob at isinarado ang pintuan.

“Fuck! Where’s the key to that?!” tanong ng lalaking katabi ko, hinahanap ang susi sa posas.

“Get him out of here!” sigaw naman ng isang nasa driver’s seat.

“Hindi ako aalis! Kahit subukan niyo pa! Now call whoever’s your boss and tell him that I want to meet him!” utos ko sa aking katabing lalaki na sobrang sama na ng tingin.

“Nowwww!” I yelled at him and he shook his head as he dialled something on his phone.

Finally. Sigaw lang pala ang katapat ng mga ito. I’m fucking sore right now so they shouldn’t mess with me in this condition.

“Boss..” I heard him talked to someone on the phone. Mariin akong nakinig.

“He said he wants to meet you.”

Chapter 24 [Remarry]

I faced Selena as she poured the fresh milk on the glass. Kasalukuyan akong nagluluto ng aming lunch nang pumasok siya sa kusina.

“How long have you been working here?” she initiated the conversation even when I don’t feel like talking right now.

Maganda si Selena, mahaba ang kanyang itim na itim na buhok na umaalon hanggang sa dulo nito. Her lips are full and she put on enough pigment on it, not looking so sophisticated. Sumilip siya sa niluluto ko.

“Uhmm.. five months I guess?” hula ko, hindi ko na rin kasi gaanong maalala.

Selena’s eyes are warm and friendly. Her moves are so graceful and I can’t see anything to hate about her.

She’s just… perfect. Hindi ko siya magawang kainisan. Well, she’s here because of the kid. Wala naman siguro siyang iba pang pakay bukod doon.

“During your stay here, how was he?” she pulled a chair on the counter and watched me.

I don’t know why she needs to ask about that but I remembered she is Leviticus’ sister-in-law so it would be just normal to be concerned about him. Ako lang naman siguro itong kung anu-ano ang iniisip.

No one’s gonna take your boyfriend away from you, Riley. I told myself that.

“Well, noong una medyo hindi maayos ang kondisyon niya. He had nightmares and he’s got violence issues caused by the tragedy. But now, he’s improved and I think he’s doing very well. Nothing to be worried about.”

Hinalo ko ang kumukulong karne at saka ipinagpatuloy ang pagluluto. Hindi ko siya masulyapan dahil nasa likuran ko siya.

“I think so, too. Ibang-iba siya ngayon kumpara dati. He was moody… and so aloof.. and he didn’t talk much to anybody. Mabuti na maayos na siya ngayon lalo’t nakapiling na niyang muli si Levianna..” tugon naman niya.

I can’t disagree to that. Tama naman ang sinabi niya. Mas nakadagdag pa nga sigurong tulong ang pagkikita nilang mag-ama. Leviticus might still be regretful about what happened but it was all in the past. We can’t change what happened, what we can do is correct it, learn from it and move forward.

“Salamat din sa pag-aaruga sa kanya. I know it wasn’t so easy to deal with him.” dugtong pa niya na bahagyang ikinatigil ko.

Well, personally it was so hard to deal with him. Hindi siya nagkakamali roon. Until now, it’s too hard and complicated. Idagdag pa ang label na mayroon sa amin ngayon, it gives me a lot of pressure. But it’s the kind of pressure that is fine with me.

There are life pressures that would inspire you and push you to become your best.

“Walang problema roon. Hangga’t makakatulong sa kanya, gagawin ko.” tugon ko sa kanya at tinapos na ang niluluto.

Selena smiled sweetly at me.

She went back to the living room where Levi and his kid are playing. Inabala ko naman ang sarili ko sa paghahanda para sa aming pananghalian.

I wasn’t in my usual mood since this morning because of what happened last night. Ayaw pa rin nitong magsink-in sa akin. I don’t even think if I would believe that or not.

Mula pa kaninang umaga ay wala ako sa tamang wisyo. It was something I wasn’t totally expecting. Hindi ko kailanman hiniling na mangyari ito kaya nahihirapan ako ngayong tanggapin ang katotohanan.

The kind of truth that I don’t know if it would change my life or ruin it instead.

“Hindi ako aalis! Kahit subukan niyo pa! Now call whoever’s your boss and tell him that I want to meet him!” utos ko sa aking katabing lalaki na sobrang sama na ng tingin.

“Nowwww!” I yelled at him and he shook his head as he dialled something on his phone, mukha pa itong napilitan dahil nasigawan ko.

“Boss..” I heard him talked to someone on the phone. Mariin akong nakinig.

“He said he wants to meet you.”

Napansin kong bumilis ang takbo ng aming sasakyan. Madilim na sa paligid kung kaya’t hindi ko nasundan ang dinadaanan namin. Saan kaya ako dadalhin ng mga ito?

“O-Okay, boss!” binaba nito ang telepono at saka mariing tumingin sa akin, animo’y itinulak ko siya sa isang patibong na kinasadlakan niya.

Umawang ang labi nito upang magsalita ngunit hindi natuloy. Umiling-iling ito sa kawalan at saka hinilot ang kanyang sintido.

“You’re gonna meet him, iyon ang gusto mo diba?” tanong nito na sarkastiko, walang bahid ng pagbibiro sa tono ng boses.

Hindi ako sumagot. It’s not that I like to meet whoever their boss is, but being clueless kills me and it makes me so curious. Ano ang maaaring motibo ng mga ito at bakit ako pinapasundan? If they wanted to kill me, they had all the chances at matagal na siguro nilang nagawa ’yon.

“Reid, iliko mo riyan sa kaliwa.” utos ng katabi ko sa lalaking nagmamaneho.

I was just waiting until an hour passed, the van stopped and parked from somewhere I wasn’t familiar with.

Binuksan ng katabi ko ang pintuan at saka ako hinatak palabas ngunit saka ko lang naalala ang nakabigkis kong palapulsuhan.

“N-Nasa bulsa ko ’yung susi, saglit lang..” dinukot ko ang susi at saka inalis ang posas sa aking isang braso. I heard the guys getting impatient.

“Come on!”

Inismiran ko sila nang mauna silang maglakad. Nalaman kong nakaparada ang sasakyan sa isang liblib na lugar. Sa isang banda ay may daan papasok sa isang gusali.

Somehow, I feel nervous while walking with them. Dapat lang dahil hindi ko naman talaga kilala ang mga ito. But I need to do this to kill my curiosity. Kung hindi ko pipilitin, kailan ko pa malalaman?

Tumigil ang dalawa sa tapat ng isang elevator na hindi ko kaagad napansin. When the elevator doors opened, they didn’t move. Tumingin silang dalawa sakin bilang senyas na ako ang mauna. I rolled my eyes and went inside the lift.

Sumunod naman sila saka may card na itinapat sa isang scanner upang malayang mapindot ang isang button. Para akong ignorante na nanonood sa ginagawa nila, natigil lamang nang titigan ako ng isang nagngangalang Reid.

Nasa likuran nila ako. Napansin kong parehas silang matangkad at matipuno. They are always wearing an all black outfit which makes them seem so mysterious. Ilang minuto rin kaming nasa loob, mukhang nasa pinakaitaas pa yata ng gusali kami tutungo.

O baka naman sa rooftop ang tungo namin at nagpa-plano na silang itutulak ako roon para ’di ko na sila gambalain?

Nahinto lamang ako sa pag-ooverthink nang magbukas ang elevator doors. Lumabas ang dalawa na sinundan ko lamang. May mahabang hallway pa kaming tinahak. I looked around, but it looked just like a normal building for business gaya ng site ng kay Leviticus. The only difference is the materials used in every furnitures and display. Magara at mukhang mamahalin.

In every corner there are potted plants and long rectangular lights are placed on the ceiling. Pinaghalong salamin at hardwood ang ginamit sa mga pader at ilang lagusan. Sa pinakadulo ay may matangkad na pintuang gawa sa kahoy.

Nadaanan namin ang isang counter kung saan may babaeng mukhang sekretarya ang nakapansin sa aming presensya ngunit hindi ito nagsalita nang mapansin ang mga kasama ko. She even smiled at the two.

Reid opened the door. We went inside the room that looks just like a normal office setting. Ngunit gaya ng nakaraan kong sinabi, magara at mukhang mamahalin ang mga muwebles at materyales na ginamit. Sa gitna ay ang isang tanggapan kung saan may dalawang malawak na three-seater sofa at isang one-seater, sa gitna ay isang coffee table. Sa dulo ng silid ay isang desk at nakaupo roon ang isang lalaking may katandaan na.

Lumapit pa kami roon, mabagal ang lakad ng dalawa. The old man is staring at me while he puffed smokes in his tobacco.

“I can see dark smokes… I can see a man in smokes, old man waiting…”

Suddenly, I heard the fortune teller’s voice inside my head, remembering and relating it to what is happening now.

Dark smokes from the tobacco filled the air above him. Based on my brief observation, he’s possibly in the 50s or 60s. Naka-formal attire ito at mukhang kagalang-galang.

“B-Boss..” medyo nautal na bigkas ng isa sa mga kasama ko.

So this old man… is their boss?

Ang kaninang mga mata na nakamatyag sakin ay lumipat sa dalawang lalaking nasa magkabilang gilid ko. They are both looking down, paying respect of some sort, I don’t know.

“Reid, Bruce.. you can leave now..” mariing utos nito na agad sinunod ng dalawa. Dali-dali silang nagmartsa palabas at naiwan ako sa loob kasama ang kanilang tinatawag na boss.

Kahit may katandaan ay may hitsura ito noong kabataan. May ilang hibla ng puti sa kanyang buhok at sa kanyang balbas.

The old man was sitting on the edge of the desk but he stood up and went to the reclining chair behind the desk, revealing the nameplate on top of it.

“Richard Bailey Alveo, huh..” bigkas nito sa aking buong pangalan kaya nalipat ang mga mata ko sa kanya.

How come he knows my complete name?

“Sucks to be an Alveo, fortunately you are not a real one..” dagdag pa niya na mas lalo kong ikinalito. Pinagsalikop niya ang dalawang kamay at seryosong tumitig sa akin kahit na may bahid ng sarkasmo sa kanyang ngisi.

Binalikan ko ng tingin ang pangalan sa kanyang nameplate.

Richard Graciano, CEO, Graciano Construction Corporation

R-Richard?

“It’s good to see you, son.”

My jaw literally dropped on the ground. Anak? Nagpapatawa ba ito? Anong pinagsasabi niya?

“Hindi kita kilala. Don’t call me that.” matigas kong tugon sa kanya na mukha namang ikinatuwa pa niya.

I stared at him, trying to keep myself calm. But his eyes are actually same as mine, hooded and expressive. Ngumuso ito at saka itinabi ang umuusok na tobacco sa isang ash tray.

“Hindi pala nasabi sa’yo ni Lesley, kung hindi mo pa alam ako na ang magsasabi sa’yo ng katotohanan. I’m your father. Real father, not that Conrado.” may pait sa kanyang tono nang banggitin ang pangalan ng aking nakilalang amain.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang paniniwalaan ko sa ngayon. This is too overwhelming. He’s possibly lying to me just to get my sympathy, but sympathy for what? Upang pagtakpan ang kanyang tunay na motibo?

“Conrado’s my father, paano mo patutunayan ang sinasabi mo?”

My life has been so stressful, lalo na kung usapang pamilya dahil pakiramdam ko ay hindi naman ako nagkaroon no’n. At kung dadagdag pa ang estrangherong ito, hindi ko na alam.

“What? Do you want to get a dna or something? Your mother even named you after me, isn’t that convincing enough? You’re not an Alveo, that fucking Conrado even had the guts to give you his name..” he cursed silently like he had a row with my father in the past.

Our names are common, kaya posibleng nagkataon lang ’yon. Kahit pa sabihin kong may pagkakahawig nga kaming dalawa, hindi ko pa rin kayang tanggapin ang sinasabi niya. Maaaring gumagawa lang din ito ng kwento at baka may lihim na galit sa aking pamilya.

“You’re a Graciano, if you want further confirmation we can get a dna.” dugtong pa niya na palagay ang loob.

Kumunot ang kanyang noo habang seryosong nakatitig sa akin. If this is really true in any case, I don’t think I would like to meet him again. Payapa na ang buhay ko sa ngayon, ayoko munang dagdagan ng panibagong problema.

He sighed when I didn’t talk after what he said.

“Lesley and I had a one night stand, handa akong panagutan siya noon ngunit nalaman kong may kasintahan na pala siya. She fooled me. Inilayo ka niya sakin, matagal kitang hinanap at ngayong nagkita na tayo, gusto kong malaman mo ang katotohanan. Maaaring siraan ako sa’yo ng mama mo, pero ’yon ang totoo.” pahayag niya.

Walang kahit anong nabanggit sakin si Mama noon tungkol dito. All I know is I’m their only child. Maaaring hindi niya ako tinuturing na anak, pero hindi naman siguro siya magsisinunghaling sa akin?

“I’m telling you the truth, son. Your mother even adopted a child because she sees me in you. She used to hate me so much.” nakuha niya ang buong atensyon ko nang bigkasin niya ang tungkol sa adoption.

“How come you know that if you can’t find me?” paratang ko sa kanya nang matunugan kong parang hindi umaayon ang kanyang kwento.

Kung ayon sa kanya ay inilayo ako ni Mama sa kanya upang hindi niya mahanap, paano niyang nalaman ang tungkol sa adoption? I was already seven when my family adopted Otep.

“Of course, I still had resources. Pinahanap kita. But you were just a small kid back then, I don’t want to scare you or anything. At hindi mo rin maiintindihan noon. Ngayon nalang ulit kita pinasundan dahil sa mga death threats na natatanggap ko.”

He leaned forward and took the tobacco again. Nang makailang buga ng usok ay pinatay na niya ang sindi nito.

“Death threats?” ulit ko.

“Yeah, as you can see I’m a business tycoon, my son. I have a big name in the world of construction and I can’t deny that I have a lot of competitors.. rivals… enemies.. And an information that I have a long lost son leaked, so I sent men to tail you and protect you…”

Pagkabanggit pa lang niya sa construction ay biglang sumagi si Leviticus sa aking isipan. Kung kumalat man ang impormasyong ’yon, ano pa maaari ang nilalaman nito? Kaya ba may iba pang nagtangka sa aking buhay noon?

“What else do they know about me?”

Hindi ko magawang maupo dahil masyado akong gulat sa mga nalalaman. Hindi ko pa nga alam kung tatanggapin ko ba ang ganitong klase ng katotohanan. If what he’s saying is true, then my mother is lying to me all this time.

“That’s something we don’t know. So as much as possible, I need to protect you. Bruce and Reid are my best bodyguards and they are trained well, so it keeps me at peace if you’re safe..”

Ilang sandali pa ay pumasok ang babaeng sekretarya na may dalang isang tray. She placed two cup of coffees in the coffee table. The old man stood up and motioned me to the receiving sofas.

“I’m Richard by the way, do I have to call you same as mine?” tanong pa nito nang maupo sa kabiserang sofa.

Napilitan akong maupo roon sa three-seater ngunit hindi pa rin ako ganoong ka-komportable sa kanya. I don’t know if I can trust this person.

“People call me Riley. I’m not used to R-Richard..” nahihiya kong tugon dahilan nang pagngiti niya. He chuckled softly.

“Alright, Riley then my son. I hope you’re not weirded out or whatever.”

Malakas ang pakiramdam ko na may iba pa siyang pakay sa akin base sa kabaitang ipinapakita niya. Like he’s trying so hard to please me and get my buy-in.

“Aside from being y-your son, what else do you want from me?” prangka kong tanong.

Things are still not sinking in, and I can’t help but notice his features that are almost the same as mine. Ang pinagkaiba lang ay ang kulay ng kanyang balat na medyo kayumanggi, ang maputi kong balat ay nakuha ko kay mama.

Sumimsim siya sa kanyang kape samantalang hindi ko ginagalaw ang akin.

“I want to train you, if you’re gonna accept me as your father. I want you to inherit my properties, I want to share my riches with you, and if you will agree I also want you to take over the construction business I have.” saka siya bahagyang tumingala at gustong ipaalam na ang tinutukoy niya ay itong gusaling kinaroroonan namin ngayon.

Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay saglit, anong ibig niyang sabihin?

“Don’t you have any other children, at bakit ako? I don’t know anything about running a… business.” humalukipkip ako.

He gave me a slight smile, iyong tipong hindi sigurado kung matutuwa o magseseryoso.

“Yes, I have. I have a daughter and another son. But they are both too young to have this. You’re my first born and I know that you’re gonna finish college now..”

Hindi ko na inalam kung paano niya nakuha ang mga impormasyon tungkol sa akin. I’m still not convinced, and I don’t feel that giving your riches to someone you barely know is an ethical decision, aside from being his biological son, ganoon ba kalaki ang tiwala nito sakin gayong kakakilala lang namin?

“I am not forcing you, but it would be great if you’ll consider it. I was absent your whole life so giving you this is the least I can do..”

Natapos ako sa paghahain, bumalik ako sa living room upang tawagin na sila upang kumain. I found Selena with the two playing with each other, mukhang nagkakasiyahan pa ang mga ito. They actually looked like one big family, nakaramdam ako ng pait nang maisip ’yon.

Usapang pamilya, kailangan kong makausap sina Mama tungkol sa katotohanang pahayag ng Richard na ’yon. The only way I would know is by asking them.

Nang tawagin ko sila ay nauna si Selena sa dining room buhat-buhat si Levianna. I stepped closer to Leviticus who’s sitting on the couch with a smile left on his lips.

“Lev, halika na at kumain na tayo..” tawag ko sa kanya dahil baka hindi niya napansin ang presensya ko. His head moved up, ang mga mata niyang masaya ay nakakagaan ng aking loob.

“Alright, but come here first..” utos niya, hindi tumitinag sa kinauupuan.

I shrugged my shoulders and closed the distance between us, I was standing in front of him when he pulled me by the waist. Bumagsak ako sa kanyang mga hita.

That move made me reminisce about the night that we had sex. Until now I feel sore, na pakiramdam ko ay lilipas ang isang linggo na hindi pa rin ito naghihilom.

“I’m so happy that I want to marry you…” he chuckled and then kissed me. Ang halik niya’y magaan ngunit punong-puno ng emosyon.

Binalikan ko ng tingin ang daan patungo sa dining room, mabuti na lamang at kami nalang ang natira dito.

And what did he say? He wants to marry me? Is he insane? Ilang araw pa lang kaming mag-on, tapos ’yun na agad ang nasa isipan niya? Ang bilis yata?

“I’m still in college, Levi. At maghahanap pa ako ng magandang trabaho ’pag nakatapos na ako. W-We can’t marry, yet..”

I was expecting him to change his mood but he’s still smiling like an idiot.

“Hindi ko naman sinasabing ngayon na, but in the future. Besides, you’re in the right age and I’m getting older, well not totally old but enough age to remarry..” he sniffed the scent on my neck as his arms snaked around my waist.

“You just admitted that you’re old..” pinigilan ko ang ngiting sumisibol sa aking labi. Remembering that teasing him about his age pisses him off.

“Damn, can we skip the talk about age? Just… Just marry me, Riley..”

Inismiran ko siya. There’s no way I would marry right now that there are revelations that keep changing my life.

“Once you’re done with school, you’re gonna marry me and we’re gonna create beautiful children together. Hindi mo na kailangan pag-isipan dahil mahal mo naman ako. You will work for me and we’re gonna have our honeymoon abroad and we’ll make love every day, what do you think?” hindi ako makapaniwala sa mga kaisipan niya.

Napakalayo na nang narating ng kanyang isipan. What I think is everything feels so fast with him. Gaano man ka-ideal ang iniisip niya, masyado pa ring mabilis.

“Leviticus, what I think is we should take everything slow. Step by step. And I’m still sore because of you, kaya tumigil ka riyan..” kinurot ko nang marahan ang kanyang pisngi na agad namula.

Umawang ang kanyang labi nang marinig ang pag-amin ko.

“Y-You’re still sore?”

Hindi ko na siya sinagot dahil nainis ako sa nakakalokong ngisi sa kanyang mukha. Mukhang natutuwa pa sa nalaman.

“Damn, I told you. Don’t worry, I’m gonna do it slow the next time, or we should do some foreplay—” hindi ko siya pinatapos dahil parang hindi ko nagustuhan ang suhestiyon niya.

“Foreplay, are you serious?”

He coughed for a moment, but I realized he was just suppressing his laughter.

“You know, foreplay helps a lot. It allows for deeper and more comfortable penetration. It also increases lubricatio—”

“And how did you know all of these?”

Naiirita kong tinitigan ang ngiti sa kanyang labi. He’s even playing with it using his fingers, obviously there was something naughty going on inside his head.

“I just know..” he answered with a confident look. Goddamn. So he probably knows more than me?

Chapter 25 [Rivalry]

Napansin ko ang kamay na kumakaway sa aking harapan, tinaboy ko ito nang malamang kay Kimpoy ’yun.

“Tulala ka na naman diyan. Ano, masakit pa rin ba?” he almost tried not to burst out into laughter when he said that. Inirapan ko siya ng sobrang sama upang iparamdam sa kanyang hindi ako natutuwa.

It’s the first day of the week, panibagong araw pagkatapos ng linggo ng aming foundation. Ngayong nalalapit na ang final exams ay kailangan ko na ring magseryoso sa pag-aaral. Once again like I did, I’ve been staying late at school just to study.

Kung sa bahay kasi ako mag-aaral ay walang mangyayaring maganda dahil imbes na ang pag-aaral ang atupagin ko, ang boyfriend ko ang napagdidiskitahan ko ng atensyon. So I need study far away from him.

“Ewan ko sa’yo, Kimpoy. Tapos mo na ’yong pinapagawa ni Sir Alvarez?” tanong ko sa kanya upang maiba ang pansin niya at hindi na guluhin pa ang nananahimik kong buhay.

Speaking of pananahimik, those two men in black are still following me. Kanina lamang ay namataan ko sila paglabas ko ng bahay. Mabuti na lamang at hindi na nila ako tinataguan kapag lalapitan ko sila.

“Lagi ba kayong narito? Hindi ba kayo umuuwi sa inyo?” kunwaring nag-aalalang tanong ko nang lapitan ko ang van.

The two men looked so bored as they both looked at me. Habang tumatagal ay mas nakikilala ko sila at mas napapansin ko ang pagkakaiba nila. Reid is the driver, madalas itong may sigarilyo sa bibig. Ang isa naman ay si Bruce, na mas tahimik kumpara sa isa, mukhang laging bugnot at iritado.

“We’re gonna tail you just to be sure..” Reid answered instead, not giving me a direct answer to what I actually asked.

“O-Okay, kayo ang bahala. Wala naman sigurong ibang nagmamanman sakin bukod doon sa mga humabol sakin no’ng nakaraan.” pahayag ko na pinakinggan lang nila, mukhang hindi interesadong malaman.

Reid started a new cigarrete while Bruce is just looking so bored with everything.

“Oo tapos ko na, ikaw ba hindi pa? Gusto mo tulungan kita?” Kimpoy asked but I noticed his eyes were set to somewhere on the court.

Paglingon ko ay napansin ko ang nakasalampak na si Gael sa sahig, may lalaking lumapit sa kanya at naglahad ng kamay upang tulungan itong makatayo. We’re currently watching the basketball team preparing for their last interschool game lalo’t malapit na kaming magtapos.

“Hindi na, kaya ko naman tapusing mag-isa. Anong nangyari riyan kay Gael?” tanong ko habang pinagmamasdan siyang nakatitig doon sa court.

“May nakabanggaan lang, wala naman sigurong galos.” tugon niya.

Dalawang libro ang nakapatong sa aking hita. Tumayo na ako upang magpaalam sa kanyang tutungo na sa silid-aklatan. Hindi ako makakasabay sa kanilang umuwi ngayon dahil gaya nga ng sinabi ko, I need to focus on studying for the upcoming finals.

Iniwan ko roon si Kimpoy na abala sa panonood. Lumabas ako ng gymnasium upang pumunta na sa library. While walking I dialled Leviticus’ number which he immediately answered after two rings.

“I’m gonna be home late, Lev.” bungad ko sa kanya.

Kailangan ko pang dumaan sa soccer field upang makarating sa main building kung nasaan ang library. Tumabi ako saglit dahil may mga naglalaro pa ng soccer.

“And why is that?” his voice is soothing, like he just woke up or something, or maybe he’s laying down on a bed or sofa.

“M-Malapit na ang final exams namin, Lev. Kailangan ko nang mag-aral.”

“Maaari ka namang dito sa bahay mag-aral, ah? You’re supposed to go home at this hour, why don’t you just do it here?”

That is not a good plan, actually. Iyon pa nga ang pinaka-iiwasan kong mangyari. At home, I know he won’t leave me alone. And he’s gonna keep on distracting and stealing my focus everytime he does something. Kahit nga siguro wala siyang gawin, kahit huminga lang, madidistract pa rin ako.

It’s so hard to focus on something if he keeps his presence around me. Maaaring hindi niya maiintindihan ’yon pero iba ang epekto nito sakin.

“Mas tahimik dito at narito ang mga aklat na kailangan ko. Ilang oras lang naman akong magtatagal dito, uuwi rin ako pagkatapos.” katwiran ko upang hindi siya mag-isip ng kung ano.

“I’m sure you can bring home some books and then return it the next day.”

I rolled my eyes as I listened to that. Nakarating na ako sa main building, umakyat ako ng stairs upang makarating sa ikalawang palapag.

“Mabibigat ang librong kailangan ko, Levi. Mahihirapan pa akong buhatin ’yon pauwi at kapag ibabalik..” muli kong palusot na may punto naman.

He sighed sardonically on the other line.

“Are you sure you’re not doing this just to… avoid me? I know I got you sore for days, but I won’t do it again if you don’t lik—”

“It’s not what you’re thinking, Leviticus. Huwag ka ngang OA riyan. Mag-aaral lang ako at uuwian pa rin kita.”

It took him half a minute before he said something. Overreacting din kasi ang unggoy na ’to, lagi nalang iniisip na iiwan o lalayuan ko siya.

Well, wala pa naman akong dahilan para gawin ’yon. And I don’t think I would ever get a valid reason to do that. Leaving him is never gonna happen.

“Am I making you uncomfortable?”

“No! Ano bang klaseng tanong ’yan?” sa mga ganitong klase ng tanungan ni Leviticus ay para ko na tuloy gustong umuwi ngayon din.

“Please be home early, we won’t have sex I promi—”

“Leviticus! Good god! I said it isn’t like that. Our sex was great, okay? I-It was huge but I managed to do it, I’m sore but it’s fine. I’m gonna be fine and you don’t need to worry..” pakiramdam ko’y nakikipag-usap ako sa five years old kid at kinukumbinsi ito sa kasalanang hindi sinasadya.

Leviticus acts like a baby, I know it’s adorable but it’s also stressful.

“So y-you will have sex with me again?”

Napanganga na ako ng literal at napatigil sa paglalakad nang marinig ang kanyang sinabi. I summoned all spirits to help me calm myself down. I don’t understand where is he getting his goddamn logic.

“O-Of course, I will, s-some time.. in the future… pero hindi ngayon o sa susunod na araw.”

Mababaliw na ako sa lalaking ito. Nakakabigla ang mga kongklusyon niya, hindi ako handa.

“Alright, noted. I will refrain for now. Basta umuwi ka lang.”

I shook my head as we decided to end the call. Hindi ko malaman kung ano ang mararamdaman ko sa ngayon pagkatapos ng aming nakakalokang usapan.

I went to the library with Levi’s words still on my mind. Upang mas maaga akong makauwi ay nagsimula na ako sa pag-aaral.

Nasa bandang dulong table ako mag-isa, samantalang hindi kalayuan sa akin ay napansin ko ang dalawang lalaki sa iisang table. The other guy is familiar, though. The only thing I remember about him is his last name, Verdejo.

Ang makapal na libro ng advance accounting ay sapat na upang makuha ang buong konsentrasyon ko, ngunit ang naririnig kong pagtatalo ng dalawang lalaking hindi kalayuan ay nakaabala sa akin. My eyes hovered over them, I found them in the middle of an argument, trying to keep their voices as low as possible. Pero hindi pa rin ’yon nakatakas sa aking pandinig.

“Of course not! Kaibigan lang ’yon, it would be stupid to think that we’re more than that.”

“So you think I’m stupid?”

“No, I’m not saying tha—”

“You know what? This is not working! I think we should just… end this..”

The other unfamiliar guy stood up and took his books, leaving the other guy alone and miserable. I got so bothered watching them. Parang ako ang manonood sa kanilang pelikula at nag-iwan ito ng pait sa aking dibdib kung wala akong gagawin.

Nakayuko ang lalaking naiwan, salubong ang dalawang kilay at halatadong may dinadamdam.

“Hey, are you.. okay?” I was a bit hesitant at first to approach him, pero nang maalala kong nagmagandang loob na rin ito sakin noon ay hindi na masama kung tatanungin ko kung ayos lang ba siya.

He gave me a tired smile, telling me that he’s just fine but in reality it’s not. I know how keeping your own feelings to yourself feel. It’s hard and it’s something that breaks you from the inside.

“Is he your…uhmm..” hindi rin ako sigurado kung magugustuhan niya ba kung kakausapin ko siya tungkol sa nangyari, o kung gugustuhin ba niyang manahimik nalang ako.

May ideya man ako base sa aking mga narinig, pero ayaw ko rin namang mag-assume. But obviously, something’s going on between them.

“Yes, h-he was..” his voice almost broke, but he shook his head to hide how admitting it broke him.

I’ve experienced heartbreaks, but not really the same compared to how this guy loves the person who left him. He looked so miserable after the guy left him, seems to me that he really loves the guy even though he already ditched him.

I can’t imagine how he feels, maybe I have an idea but if I were on his shoes, I wouldn’t know. Heartbreak is based on how you give love, if you give more love then you’ll be hurt more. It’s an equal share of emotions.

While thinking about it, I can’t help but also measure how much love I am giving Leviticus. To be honest, kung ikukumpara ay siya ang mas nagmamahal sa aming relasyon. He’s more invested. He’s more serious and looking forward for more. And it pains me that if we end up like these guys here, Leviticus would be the one hurting more.

Not that I’m invalidating my own feelings, but I think if it comes to that, I can move on. Yes, I love him but I can go back to where I used to be, of course I’ll get wounded and pained as well, but I’m better at healing and moving on. But on his case, Leviticus has almost no one aside from his kid.

So I’ll make sure that we’re not gonna end up like that.

I saw crystal tears on the guy’s face before he decided to stood up from his seat and leave.

After that heartbreaking scene, my concentration already gave up. My mind can’t keep focused on the book and instead ny mind is wandering off to somewhere.

The next day, I decided to visit my family. I almost throw up calling them that. Pero iisa lang naman ang pakay ko. Kailangan ko ng kompirmasyon o kasiguruhan. I need to know if the person who’s chasing me could be trustworthy.

I know trust is so hard to attain these days. But if I won’t learn how to do it, I won’t have anyone who will stay with me and support me.

“Oh, may balak ka rin palang umuwi at magpakita?” iyon ang unang bungad sakin ni Mama nang madatnan ko siya sa sala ng aming bahay.

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. Ni hindi man lang ako inayang maupo o alukin ng kung ano, anyway ano pa nga bang ieexpect ko? Otep isn’t around because he’s probably at school. Si Papa ay mukhang wala rin.

“Wala naman talaga akong planong bumalik. Not until I met my real… f-father..”

I watched how the emotions in her face changed. Ngunit mabilis itong nakabawi at ngumiwi pa upang ipakitang hindi ito apektado.

“Now there’s this someone who’s claiming to be my real father..”

“Anong sinasabi mo? Si Conrado ang ama mo. Saan mo naman napagkukuha ang balitang ’yan?” she’s now avoiding my eyes.

She stood up from the sofa and went to the kitchen. Sinundan ko ang mga hakbang niya at pinanood ko siyang magsalin ng tubig sa isang baso.

“From Richard Graciano, does his name ring any bell? Sounds familiar?”

Kung kanina’y nag-iiwas ng tingin, ngayon ay napako na sakin ang kanyang mga mata. Shocked and surprised that I mentioned that name.

“Paano mo nakilala ang taong ’yon? Hindi mo dapat kinakausap ang taong katulad niya.” matigas niyang tono na animo’y may malaking galit sa tao.

“Why? Totoo ba ’yon, na siya ang tunay kong ama?” I just want to do it fast and know the truth from her.

May sagot na akong nakukuha sa mga mata niya, ngunit gusto ko pa ring marinig sa bibig niya ang katotohanan.

“He’s nothing but a ruthless man! Wala siyang ibang iniisip kundi ang sarili niya! Isa siyang makasarili! Anong karapatan niyang magpakita sa’yo?!” naghihisterya na siya at saka hinilot ang kanyang sintido.

“I don’t care what type of person he is, I just want you to tell me if he’s really my father!” naiirita kong tugon dahil sa totoo lang ay wala naman akong pakialam kung ano ang nangyari sa nakaraan nila.

What happened to them in the past doesn’t concern me.

Hindi siya agad nakasagot, bagkus ay tumingin sa akin ng matalim. Nanggagalaiti sa maaaring mukhang nakikita niya sa aking mukha.

“Wala siyang karapatan! Iniwan niya ako at hindi na nagpakita pa! Walang planong panaguta—”

“There it is! Umamin ka rin, Ma! How come you didn’t tell me all these years? You’re even disgusted with my presence because you see him in me, right?” tumingala ako at pumikit dahil sa frustration.

So what that Richard told me was true! He is really my biological father! I don’t know how it could affect my life but definitely something in me was glad. Kailanman ay hindi ako tinuring na parang anak nina Mama at Papa, all of their attention was given to the adopted son. Hindi naman sa kinaiinggitan ko ’yon pero bilang isang anak ay nangangailangan pa rin ako ng aruga ng isang magulang.

No matter what kind of person that Richard is, he’s still my father. Sa mumunting kaisipang ’yon ay parang nagkaroon ako ng kakampi.

“Huwag mong subukang pagkatiwalaan ang taong iyon!” sigaw pa ni Mama nang tangkang habulin ako na palabas na ng aming bahay.

Nakauwi ako sa bahay na hingal na hingal at pagod sa kakalakad. Humilata ako sa sofa ng living room, nakatingala sa kisame at bumabawi ng lakas.

Nang mapansin ko ang katahimikan, nagtungo ako sa garden ngunit walang tao roon. I climbed upstairs but there was no one inside Levi’s room. Where the hell is he?

I took out my phone in my pocket and called his number. Nakailang ring pa ito bago niya sinagot. Narinig ko ang pagsimsim niya sa kabilang linya bago magsalita.

“Hello?” unang bungad ko.

“Hey, sugar lips..” bati niya.

Napangiwi ako nang wala sa oras. My heart skipped a beat but I remained unaffected.

“Saan ka? Narito na ako sa bahay pero wala ka naman.” I tried hard to keep a straight face.

I’m still in the process of accepting the reality about my real father. Hinilot ko ang aking ulo at hinayaang maging reliever ang boses ni Leviticus.

“I’m at the site, something came up. I’m sorry kung hindi kita nasabihan. But you can expect if I’m not home then I would be here. Hindi naman ako magpupunta kung saan-saan.” paliwanag niya na madali ko namang naintindihan.

I heard voices from his background, I think he’s in the middle of a meeting or something like that.

“Okay, anong oras ka makakauwi?” idinikit ko ang cellphone sa pagitan ng aking tainga at balikat habang nagsasalin ng malamig na tubig sa isang baso.

I’m calmer now. There is really something about Levi’s voice that makes me calm down.

“I’m not sure yet, but I’ll give you a call. I’m so sorry but I really need to do something important..”

Hindi naman ako manhid para hindi maramdamang may problema siya sa trabaho. Ang makasarili ko siguro kung pipilitin ko siyang unahin ako, that’s just so immature. Leviticus doesn’t need someone who brags and demands about everything, what he needs is someone who will be there beside him, give him the support without him asking, and love amidst the problems we’re facing.

“It’s cool with me, Leviticus. You don’t need to say sorry, it’s your work anyway. Hihintayin ko nalang ang tawag mo later kung ganoon.”

Natapos ang tawag namin dahil narinig kong may kumukuha ng atensyon niya sa kabilang linya.

After the call, I decided to climb upstairs and go to my room. Doon ay nagbabad ako sa bathtub with the same bubble bath products I’m using while contemplating about what happened earlier today.

Base sa naging reaksyon ni Mama, mukhang itinago nga niya sakin ang katotohanan tungkol sa tunay kong katauhan. I don’t want to judge her reasons why she chose to do that, but still it is my right to know my real identity.

And since that Richard is really my father, should I learn how to trust him? He looks decent and classy, besides I don’t really care if he’s ruthless just like what my mother told me, I just want to know how it feels to have a father figure who sees me as his son that I never felt with my mother’s husband.

Ruthless or not, he’s my father.

Kasalukuyan akong nagbibihis nang marinig ko ang pagtunog ng doorbell. Nagmadali akong matapos sa pagbibihis at saka dumiretso pababa ng sala.

It’s probably not Leviticus, imposible namang dadating iyon at magdo-doorbell pa. Nakarating ako sa gate at naaninag ang bulto ni Raxwell. Napanganga ako sa gulat dahil hindi ko inaasahang siya ang madadatnan ko.

“Hey..” bati nito na ngumiti sakin ng payak.

“Rax? Halika pasok ka!” binuksan ko ang gate upang makapasok siya.

Hinatid ko siya sa sala at inalok ng maiinom. Napansin kong nakasuot pa siya ng formal attire gaya ng normal na outfit niya sa trabaho. His boss is currently in the office so I wondered why he’s here.

“M-May pinapakuha lang si Mr. Torralba na gamit.” tugon niya nang tanungin ko siya.

Dahan-dahan akong tumango.

“Is he still in the office? Makakauwi ba siya ngayon?” dagdag tanong ko na rin habang nasa kusina at kailangan ko pang lakasan ang boses upang marinig niya ’yon.

Bumalik ako sa living room dala-dala ang bote ng tubig at isang baso, aniya’y tubig lang ay ayos na siya.

“Yeah, pero hindi ko alam kung anong oras siya makakauwi. Oh! Narito lang pala ang hinahanap ko e..” aniya saka nag-squat upang kuhain ang mga folders sa ilalim ng coffee table.

Lumapit ako sa kanya upang ialok ang malamig na tubig. He puts down the pile of folders on top of the coffee table when he took the glass of water from me.

I watched him drank the cold water when my eyes went down to the folders. Agad akong natigilan nang mapansin ang pangalang naka-imprinta sa pinakaibabaw na folder. It was written in bold letters.

Graciano Construction Corp.

Nakuha kaagad nito ang aking interes dahil sa pagkakaalala ko ay pag-aari ito ng aking tunay na ama, Richard Graciano.

“Why does Leviticus need those files?” maingat kong tanong kay Rax na ngayo’y binalikan ang folders at inakap ito sa kanyang dibdib.

“Ito? I don’t know. But I heard, they are conducting a strategy to better combat the rival..” tumango-tango pa siya nang parang may naalala.

Rival?

“Graciano?” bigkas ko.

His face is impassive, like that name is already cliche to him.

“You know, Gracianos are the hardest to beat in the construction field. And they are stealing our top major contractors leaving us to almost none. But I’m sure eventually we can get even..” hindi ko kaagad naintindihan ang kanyang ibig sabihin hanggang sa magpaalam na itong aalis.

I was left again, contemplating about it. I have been to the Graciano building, but I didn’t know they are rivals to… oh damn!

How come I didn’t know this? So if they are a rival to Leviticus’ business, that means… they are in a competition? Everything clears up. Kaya rin siguro namomroblema si Leviticus nitong nakaraan sa trabaho, hindi kaya dahil sa aking tunay na ama?

Mama told me that Richard Graciano is ruthless and I shouldn’t trust him. Hindi ko na malaman kung ano ang paniniwalaan.

Now, this is getting complicated. My boyfriend is in rivalry with my real father, damn it..

Chapter 26 [Fairytale]

The fact that my real father is in rivalry with my boyfriend is so hard to accept. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako lulugar. I have all the time in the world to tell Leviticus about my real identity, but what if he won’t accept me? The mere fact that I am his rival’s son can be mortifying, magagawa niya kaya akong tanggapin?

It was a cloudy day when I prepared for a brunch since Leviticus and his team is currently having a meeting in the house. I prepared some cup of coffees and bagels, and Leviticus’ chai tea na madalas niyang inire-request.

Dinala ko ang mga pagkain sa garden kung saan naka-setup ang isang malawak na wooden table. Leviticus is on his usual white linen shirt, sa kanyang tabi ay ang kapatid na si Legend. Nakilala ko naman ang iba pa nilang kasama gaya ng tatlong Montenegros, Leonardo, Giovannus, and Siam na parehong mga naka-formal attire. Raxwell Salviejo is sitting on the other end, nakatanggap ako ng ngiti sa kanya nang mapansin ako.

Hindi pa man ako tuluyang nakakalapit sa mesa ay humakbang patungo sakin si Liz, ang sekretarya, at tinulungan ako sa mga bitbitin.

“Here’s your coffee Sir..” siya ang naghain ng mga tasa ng kape sa harapan ng bawat isa.

Inabala ko naman ang sarili sa paghain ng ilang mga pagkain gaya ng pancakes, egg toasts, bagels, at breakfast casserole na ipinaluto pa ni Legend at ipinadala rito.

Nagkatinginan kami ni Liz kaya mabilis na napawi ang kanyang ngiti.

“Salamat, Riley..” tugon ni Rax na nadaanan ko nang matapos sa huling tray.

Pakiramdam ko ay narinig iyon ni Levi dahil gumalaw ang kanyang ulo at bahagyang naningkit ang mga mata. I ignored him because it might be awkward to approach him with these people around.

“You can go back inside, ako na ang bahala rito..” pagtataboy sa akin ni Liz na ngingiti kapag babaling sa mesang kinaroroonan ng mga lalaki at sisimangot naman kapag ako ang kaharap.

“It’s fine, Liz. Riley can stay. We might need something.” nakuha ni Legend ang buong atensyon namin nang sabihin niya ’yon.

Dahil sa utos ni Legend ay nanatili ako sa isang tabi. I stood beside Liz who’s looking so bored with my presence and suddenly will change her mood when looking at the guys in front of us. Mariing pabaling-baling sa direksyon ko si Rax, while the other guys are in a serious conversation.

“But we are losing money! This is very unethical.” Siam hissed in an annoyed tone. Siam has this dark eyes, he looked so rugged but his clean-cut makes me think of him as neat and gentle.

“Yes, it is unethical. But Siam that’s the best decision we could resort to in this situation. Everyone is not even expecting this kind of crisis so I think it’s better to take a stand now.” the most congenial in the group, Leonardo, explained.

Honestly, I don’t have any idea what they are talking about. But I have an idea that it’s about the business and it’s getting worse. Tumitingin ako kay Leviticus na ngayo’y seryosong salubong ang mga kilay habang nakasalikop ang dalawang kamay sa kanyang baba.

Kumikinang ang kwintas sa kanyang leeg dahil sa sinag ng araw. Bukas ang unang dalawang butones sa shirt ni Leviticus kaya bahagya kong nasisilip ang parte ng kanyang dibdib. Maging ang pag-awang ng kanyang mga labi ay napapansin ko.

Nagtatalo pa rin ang dalawang Montenegro habang nag-uusap naman ng tahimik ang magkapatid na Torralba.

“Have you talked to the Del Grandes? What’s their stand on this?” Legend asked his brother who’s playing with his lips using his fingers.

Raxwell is on his laptop, ang katabi nitong si Giovannus ay mukhang may pinapa-saliksik sa kanya.

“There’s no other Gracianos here.. aside from the wife and his children..” bigkas ni Raxwell bilang tugon sa katabi.

Nagtaas ako ng kilay nang marinig ang pangalang Graciano. So they’re talking about my father now?

“Damn..” Giovannus shook his head in disappointment.

I suddenly wonder why they are doing the meeting here instead in the office. Nang tanungin ko naman kasi si Levi kanina ay isa lang ang sinagot niya.

“I’m always at the office, nawawalan na tayo ng oras sa isa’t isa. I wanna spend time with you so I asked them to do it here..”

I swallowed the lump in my throat. Kahit abala at stressed sa trabaho ay nakukuha pa rin niyang maghanap ng oras upang magkasama kami. Even though it will make it harder for his team but he’s the boss so it’s easy to think that no one is complaining.

“But how did these information leaked?” napansin ko ang hawak na papel ni Leonardo Montenegro. They all looked at it like it’s some confidential information.

“We don’t know yet, pero pinaiimbestigahan na namin..” Legend answered as he crossed his arms.

Leviticus beside him exhaled profusely. Hr stopped playing with his lips and sipped on his tea instead.

“Or worse, there is someone spying on us.” deklara ni Siam kung kaya’t nagkatinginan silang lahat.

Espiya? Ano bang pinag-uusapan nila? At bakit may imbestigasyong nangyayari?

Raxwell stood up, nagpaalam itong magbabanyo saglit. Bumaling ako kay Liz at nagpaalam sa kanyang aalis muna ako. She didn’t mind me because she’s focused on listening to the guys’ serious discussion.

Sinundan ko si Raxwell ngunit mukhang nasa loob na siya ng banyo. Nanatili ako sa kitchen at inasikaso muna ang paglilinis ng mga kagamitan.

Raxwell and Giovannus mentioned about the Gracianos, gusto kong malaman kung sangkot ba ang amain ko rito. Obviously possible, pero gusto kong malaman kung hanggang saan ang kinasasangkutan ng mga Gracianos.

Lumabas si Rax ng banyo at medyo nagulat pa ito sa aking presensya nang masilayan ako.

“Hey…” bati nito.

I raised my head to meet his eyes.

“Hey..” ginantihan ko siya ng ngiti.

“Ang tagal na rin nating ’di nakakalabas, when are you gonna be free?” he took a step towards me.

I wasn’t prepared with his straight forward question, though. Hindi nga pala nito alam ang tunay na estado ng relasyon ko sa kanyang boss. Raxwell seemed harmless but I don’t want to assume that he’s still thinking that we can be more than friends.

“Right now, I’m busy with our upcoming exams. Kaya wala akong masyadong oras para riyan..” tugon ko, nagmamadaling tapusin ang usapan tungkol doon dahil ibang paksa ang gusto kong pag-usapan namin.

“Sayang naman pala.” kinamot niya ang likod ng kanyang ulo.

I inhaled deeply, trying to gain courage to throw him the questions I want to ask.

“I heard about the discussion, and the spy thingy? I was just curious.” I acted so calm like it was just normal for me to inquire about it.

Nang tingnan ko naman siya ay tumango siya sa narinig.

“Uh, yeah.. sa tingin kasi nila may espiya sa kompanya dahil sa kumalat na private information. We’re also keeping an eye on the Gracianos, dahil sila ang maaaring may sala lalo na’t naagaw nila ang majority ng contractors namin.” pahayag niya.

Gracianos lang ba ang maaaring may gawa nito? They could be the greatest rival but that doesn’t mean it’s them who’s behind it. Hindi naman sa pinagtatanggol ko pero may posibilidad din kasing hindi lang sila ang ka-kompetensya sa negosyong ito.

“But it’s not guaranteed that there is really a spy, sino naman ang maaaring gumawa no’n ’di ba? Because of this serious issue, we are losing a lot of money. Marami ring kliyente ang umatras sa transaksyon, we’re not just losing money but we’re also starting to lose people.”

I can’t imagine how hard this is for Levi right now. Ibayong stress na ang nakukuha niya mula sa trabaho at pag-uwi ng bahay ay dumadagdag pa ako. And I can’t imagine his reaction once he knows that I have a Graciano blood.

That would be so complicated.

Hanggang sa school ay dala-dala ko ang kaisipang ’yon. I got so bothered by that idea. Sa dinami-rami naman kasi ng tao, bakit ang Graciano pa? Bakit ang ka-kompetensya pa ni Leviticus ang magiging tunay kong ama?

“Humahaba na ang buhok ko, bumabagay ba Riles?” katabi ko sa stone bench si Kimpoy na hindi ko na halos napapansin dahil sa pagi-space out ko.

Sandali kong pinagmasdan ang buhok na tinutukoy niya, sinusuklay niya ito gamit ang mga daliri.

“Bagay naman sa’yo, para kanino mo ba pinapahaba ’yan?” kuryosong tanong ko saka siya tinaasan ng kilay.

“H-Huh? Anong klaseng tanong ’yan, Riles?” he laughed nervously, pinamulahan pa siya ng mukha na mas lalong nagpalakas ng hinala ko.

“Napapansin kong lumalambot ka na, ano babalik ka ba sa pagkababae?” direkta kong tanong dahil ayaw ko nang magpaliguy-ligoy pa.

Napaawang ang kanyang labi na hindi makapaniwalang tama ang hinala ko.

“At madalas ko ring napapansin ang mga tingin mo kay Gael. Kimpoy, kailan ka ba aamin na may gusto ka sa ungas na ’yun?” hinampas niya ang braso ko at mas lalong namula.

“W-Wala akong gusto roon!”

Without feeling ashamed, I rolled my eyes at him. Ipinakita ko sa kanyang hindi ako naniniwala. I’ve been observing him and he can’t deny it now that I want him to confess.

“So sino ang gusto mo pala, si Renan?”

Hinatak niya ang dulo ng buhok ko. May mga kaibigan talaga tayong mananakit kapag nagsasabi tayo ng totoo at tama ang hinala natin sa kanila. Ayaw pang umamin pero obvious na obvious naman na.

“I-I don’t think… imposible naman kasing magkagusto rin sakin si G-Gael!” nahihiya niyang pag-amin, pinagtawanan ko siya at saka kinurot ang kanyang pisngi.

Kimpoy has been helping me with decision making lalo na kung tungkol sa pag-ibig. He almost influenced all of the decisions I made and now I wanted to do the same.

“You’re overthinking, wala pa nga e nag-iisip ka na agad ng negatibo riyan.” pangangaral ko sa kanya.

Para ko tuloy naaalala ang sarili ko sa kanya noong hindi pa ako sigurado kay Leviticus. Pero normal naman ang makaramdam ng hesitasyon. We should never put ourselves in a situation where we are not sure of where we stand in a person’s life. Dahil tayo lang din ang mahihirapan sa huli.

“Paano akong hindi mag-iisip ng negatibo? Si Gael ’yon at patay na patay sa’yo! At pasmado ang bibig no’n! Puro kamunduhan ang tumatakbo sa utak!” he hissed that he wanted to throw up already from saying those sentiments.

Hindi pa man nagsisimula ay ganoon na agad ang naiisip niya. But I can’t fully blame him. Pinagdaanan ko rin naman ’yon. Uncertainties. Hindi masamang magdalawang-isip kung dapat mo nga ba talagang ipaglaban ang nararamdaman mo.

We often want it so badly that we ruin it before it even begins. Overthinking. Fantasizing. Imagining. Expecting.

But why don’t we just let it naturally evolve?

“Kahit pasmado ang bibig no’n ay mabuting tao naman ’yun, at sa tingin ko ay maiintindihan naman niya kung aamin ka. Ikaw kasi, kasalanan mo rin dahil lagi mong binu-bully ang tao.” payo ko sa kanya na ikinalungkot pa niya lalo.

“D-Do you think I should confess to him?”

Tinitigan ko siya, nabasa ko ang takot sa kanyang mga mata. The same fear that I had when I was measuring the emotions I was feeling with someone.

“It’s up to you, kung aamin ka dapat handa ka rin kung ano man ang magiging reaksyon niya. But admitting your feelings is not for him, Kimpoy. It’s for you.”

Kahit papaano ay nawawala ang pag-iisip ko tungkol sa aking mga problema at nababaling sa problema ng aking kaibigan. Kung ganito lang din sana kababaw ang problema ko, mas gugustuhin ko na ito kaysa sa klase ng suliraning mayroon ako ngayon.

It feels to me that whatever I do, I’m still an enemy because I’m a direct descendant of the Gracianos. Leviticus might break some serious walls if he won’t care about it at all. But breaking the walls might also harm him. Keeping me beside him will eventually kill his business.

Lalo na’t may balak ang aking amain na ipasa ang responsibilidad sa aking mga kamay.

“I won’t take it.” anunsyo ko nang muli akong bumisita sa Gracianos.

Nagpahatid ako kina Bruce at Reid gaya ng dati patungo rito. Richard Graciano intertwines his both hands after he put down the tobacco on the ashtray. Hindi nagbago ang ekspresyon sa kanyang mukha, animo’y inaasahan na ang mga salitang ’yon na manggaling sakin.

“There’s a lot of time to think about it.” anito na parang gustong isantabi ang desisyon ko at magsimulang muli.

“Wala nang kailangang pag-isipan pa. I can’t take it and continue the monkey business you have.”

His lips parted in surprise. Pero imbes na maging seryoso, mas mukha pang ikinagalak niyang marinig ito. Kung tama nga ang babala sakin ni Mama, this person can’t be trusted. He’s a ruthless businessman and he’s taking down other people’s business for his own good.

“My son, you will only understand if you are on my shoes. At ano itong balitang nakarating sa akin, you’re living with Leviticus Torralba?” may kakaibang diin nang banggitin niya ang pangalang ’yon, like it left a bad taste on his lips.

Hindi na ako nagulat na nalaman niya ’yon.

“It’s not your business!”

“Well, of course you’re making it my business because you’re living with your father’s rival. Who is he, by the way? Is he a friend.. there’s no way you could be friends with this person, Riley.” he shook his head in disapproval.

Hindi ko nagustuhan ang kanyang sinabi. Lahat ng namutawi sa kanyang bibig. He said it like it was a huge disappointment that I am related to the person he sees as an enemy.

“You have no right to tell me who I want to be with. I heard you even stole their major contractors, really? That’s how you run a business?” sarkastikong tugon ko.

Absolutely, I have no idea how to run a business but I know that it’s not good to step on other people’s business. This is business, it’s not a war so I don’t understand why he needed to do that.

“Business is business, my son. You won’t know unless you run your own. And I didn’t steal anyone’s contractors, I made an offer and they willingly took it. And it wasn’t my fault to have a better business strategy than them.” muli niyang kinuha ang tobacco at sinubo ito.

Hindi ko kayang manatili at pakinggan ang mga paninira niya sa negosyo ni Levi. I know Leviticus worked hard on it and he doesn’t deserve to be treated this way.

“What about the leakage of their confidential information? Were you the one behind it, too?” pang-aakusa ko sa kanya. Alam kong wala ako sa lugar para magdemand ng mga kasagutan sa kanya pero kailangan kong malaman kung ano ang nangyayari.

I can’t just stay silent if I think I can do something about it. And I need to know what’s going on between them.

“Riley, I won’t do deceitful things like that. I might be ruthless but I play smart, my son. And if you think that I can’t be trusted, it’s as much as you won’t have to trust that person, too.”

Kahit ano pa sigurong magagandang salita ang marinig ko sa kanya, hindi ko pa rin ito magawang paniwalaan gayong hindi ko naman siya tuluyang kilala. Yes, he’s my father and I regret that I’ve said before that I don’t care what he does as long as he’s my father because that makes me blind from his obvious wrongdoings.

And I know Leviticus won’t do horrible things like that. He’s more than that. He’s smarter than that.

A week passed by. Natapos na ang aming final examinations at naghihintay na lamang kami ng resulta. Naghahanda na rin ang lahat para sa darating na pagtatapos namin ng kolehiyo. But compared to the other students, I don’t feel the same excitement because I’m still feeling confused on what to do with my life in the future.

With the addition of my real father in my life, I don’t think I would ever get to the same goal.

“You’re spacing out again… hmm..” Levi’s hot lips travelled around my neck. Hindi ko magawang gumalaw ng malaya dahil sa pagkakalingkis ng kanyang dalawang braso sa aking katawan.

I returned his passionate kisses. Ang kamay ko ay naglakbay patungo sa loob ng kanyang tee-shirt, at dinama ang bumabakat niyang muscles doon. His body is scuplted like a hard stone statue, properly cut and chiseled.

“Open your mouth..”

Malaya kong sinunod ang kanyang utos. Binuka ko pa nang mas malawak ang aking bibig at saka niya ito nilusob gamit ang ekspertong dila niya.

We’re just in the living room, a while ago he was busy signing some papers when I approached him, and I never thought we would end up again on each other’s embrace.

“Uhhmmm… L-Levi…” his hands went inside my shorts and he caressed both of my thighs in an upward motion giving me worldly sensations.

When he’s content and remembered that he has other things to do, he stopped himself from touching me.

“I’m jealous…” he whispered below my ears. Nakayapos pa rin siya sakin ngunit nag-iiwan siya ng mumunting halik sa paligid ng aking pisngi at leeg.

“H-Huh? Jealous about what?” hindi ko maintindihang tanong tungkol sa pakahulugan niya.

“I’m jealous of the people who get to see you everyday..” aniya sa mababa at maamong boses.

Umangat ang tingin ko sa kanya. Inalis ko ang hibla ng buhok na bahagyang tumatakip sa kanyang mukha at dinampian ng magaang halik ang labi niya.

Wala akong maitugon sa kanyang sinabi kaya halik lamang ang naiganti ko. I don’t know how it feels for him to not see the person he loves. Yes, he can kiss me, touch me, caress me, hold me, sniff my scent, taste me, but there’s no way he could see me visually.

Pinagmasdan ko ang kanyang mga mata. Hindi man siya nakakakita pero ang mga matang ito ang pinakamagandang bagay na nasilayan ko sa tanang buhay ko.

“And I always wonder what crosses your mind when your eyes meet mine..” bulong pa niya.

Nahahabag ako, may sakit pero lamang ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya kumpara roon.

“What I think is you’re the most beautiful man I have ever seen. You are best thing I never planned, Levi.” hinaplos ko ang magkabilang pisngi niya.

Seeing his face this close made me feel so emotional. Like this ideal moment is so rare that it made me feel that it couldn’t last forever.

Like something’s going to happen and stop this fairytale from existing because it was never meant to last.

But when I look at his beautiful eyes, I know that whatever happens, I will be in his arms because it is my home. And in the end, we all just want someone that chooses us over everyone else, under any circumstances.

I love him so much that I won’t want this to stop. If it’s possible to stay like this, I wish. But something tells me it won’t… it won’t….

Chapter 27 [Trigger]

It was a beautiful day when I woke up next to the man I love, Leviticus is sleeping soundly beside me while his steel-hard arms are snaked around my body.

Pinagmasdan ko ang kanyang mukhang nakaharap sa akin, nakapikit siya kaya malaya kong natititigan ng ganito kalapit ang kanyang mukha. Marahan kong pinaglaruan ang balahibo sa kanyang brasong nasa ibabaw ng dibdib ko. May katamtamang bigat ito at kahit na mahirapan akong huminga ay ayos lang.

He’s completely topless, balot pa naman siya ng kasuotan bilang huling memorya ko kagabi bago antukin at makatulog kaya hindi ko malaman kung kailan ito nakapaghubad ng kanyang damit.

Nakabalot ang malambot na tela ng comforter sa ibabang kalahati ng aming katawan, kaya malaya ko ring nasilayan ang dibdib niya at ang namumula niyang mga utong. That very sight gave me a not-so-decent imagination.

Nang magpasya akong buhatin ang braso niya upang alisin sa ibabaw ng aking dibdib ay ang paggalaw rin niya at bahagyang pagkagising. He opened one of his eyes and in a swift motion, he pulled me and enveloped me tighter making it harder for me to get up.

“Lev… huy.. babangon na ako..” tinapik ko nang marahan ang kanyang braso. His skin feels so warm that I want to touch him more.

He groaned. Mas lalo pang humigpit ang kanyang pagkakayapos sa aking katawan, parang ayaw akong bitawan.

“Leviticus… I need to get up now.. may pasok pa ako.” inalog ko ang kanyang mukha gamit ang paghawak sa kanyang baba upang magising siya lalo.

Pero hindi siya tuminag sa kanyang posisyon. As much as I want to stay with him like this, I need to get up now to prepare for school. Kailangan ko na ring asikasuhin ang mga requirements na kailangan kong ipasa upang makasama ako sa darating na pagtatapos.

“One more… minute…” he murmured, still eyes closed, lips are pursing. I sighed as I indulge him for another minute.

Nang makalipas ang isang minuto ay sinubukan ko ulit bumangon. Hindi naman na niya ako hinatak ngunit ang bigat ng kanyang braso ay pumipigil pa rin sa akin.

“Levi!” calling out his name, dahil malakas ang pakiramdam ko na nagtutulug-tulugan nalang ang isang ’to at ayaw akong paalisin.

“Damn.. you’re so grumpy in the morning..” nagmulat siya ng mga mata at bumangon rin ngunit yumakap pa sa akin mula sa likuran. Bago iyon, napansin ko ang bahid ng walanghiyang ngisi sa kanyang labi.

“Ikaw talaga ang sisisihin ko kapag nahuli ako sa school. Maghahanda pa ako ng almusal nat—”

He attacked my lips without my approval. Sht! Ano ba ’tong lalaking ’to, hindi pa ako nagsisipilyo!

“Ikaw nalang ang almusal ko, tapos ako naman sa’yo. Mas nakakabusog pa…” aniya nang pakawalan ang aking labi. Hindi ko mapigilang mapangiti sa kilig pero sumimangot pa rin ako para hindi niya malamang natutuwa ako sa ginagawa niya.

“Cannibal lang, Levi? Pakawalan mo na ako at nang maihanda ko na ang almusal natin.” pagpupumilit ko at itinataboy ang kanyang brasong lumilingkis pa rin.

“I didn’t mean to eat ourselves literally, like what the fuck are you thinking, Riley?”

This time, hindi ko na napigilang bumungisngis dahil sa tuwa. Binibiro ko lang naman din siya pero sineryoso niya.

“Seriously, Levi kailangan ko nang bumangon. Aasikasuhin ko pa ang requirements ko sa school para sa graduation.” humilig ako sa kanya upang maintindihan niyang seryoso ako.

Nahulog na ang comforter sa sahig dahil sa kalikutan namin kanina. He’s wearing a black boxers at sa pinakagitna nito ay may bumabakat na kung ano.

I gulped something in my throat.

“Once you graduate, work for me. I’ll hire you..” walang pakundangan niyang sinabi.

Isa naman iyon sa mga bagay na hindi ko hahayaan. Yes, that offer is a great opportunity and it would be less hassle for me to find a suitable work. But adulting is a step for independence, and I want to do it myself. Makakahanap din naman ako ng trabaho sa sarili kong sikap at tiyaga.

“No thanks, you don’t need to do that for me just because you love me. I can be successful on my own, Levi.” kinurot ko ang kanyang pisngi nang marahan bilang paglalambing.

I reminded myself that I’m a stand alone. I am a risk taker. Sa puntong ito ng buhay ko, marami pa akong kailangang subukan at matutunan. Striving alone would be ideal, I will still let people help me but I don’t want to rely on anybody’s resources. I’m sure I can find my own resource, though.

“I’m offering not because I love you but because I think you’re competent.”

Somehow, natuwa ako sa aking narinig. Pero ang kaisipang magta-trabaho ako sa kanyang kompanya ay napakalaking responsibilidad na. Magsisimula pa lang ako at wala pang karanasan, mas mabuti siguro sa mababa muna ako magsimula.

“If you trust my competence, then you know I can find my own path. Thanks for the offer, Lev but I can do it on my own..”

Siguro iisipin ng iba na makasarili ako o nagsasayang ng biyaya, pero sa tingin ko’y mas fulfilling pa rin kung ako ang magsisikap sa sarili ko. Ayokong masanay na nakadepende sa iba. I can be independent. I can shine on my own. I can create my own path.

Inatupag ko ang paghahanda ng almusal habang si Leviticus ay naiwan sa sala dahil mayroong katawagan sa telepono. I prepared some herb omelette and tuna pancakes. Sa tagal kong paninirahan dito at dahil sa kompleto ng kagamitan at sangkap, madali kong natutunan ang pagluluto ng iba’t ibang putahe. Gumawa rin ako ng smoothie at saka isinalin sa dalawang baso. Nagtungo ako sa fridge upang kuhanin ang itinabi kong apple pie na bin-ake ko kagabi, para sa aming dessert.

Nang matapos sa paghahanda ay nagpunta ako sa living room upang tawagin na si Levi. Ngunit hindi ko inaasahang makita roon si Selena. Ang mas nakakagulat pa ay hindi niya kasama ang batang babae, tanging siya lang ang narito.

“Hey Riley!” bati nito sa akin na ginantihan ko ng simpleng ngiti.

Naipaliwanag naman kaagad ni Leviticus kung bakit narito ngayon si Selena.

“Mukhang nakakahalata na rin kasi sina Mommy, pero susubukan ko pa rin minsan kapag may lakad sila..” ani Selena, nasa hapag na kami ngayon. Ayon sa kanya’y kailangan niyang limitahan ang pagkuha sa bata dahil baka makahalata na ang parents niya.

Inaya siya ni Leviticus na sumalo sa aming almusal.

“That’s fine, Selena thanks for trying still..” tugon ng boyfriend ko sa kanya.

We started eating. Selena used to initiate all the conversations on the table. Naikwento niya ang mga bansang napuntahan niya, maging ang namayapang asawa ni Levi ay nababanggit din niya.

“You know, Ate Alyanna won’t like me going to night clubs, kaya no’ng minsang tumakas ako, pinasundan pa niya ako. I just really miss her so much..” her smile faded and now the misery on her face is evident.

I was observing Leviticus who’s just silently listening to his sister-in-law’s storytelling. Ako rin naman ay tahimik pero upang hindi maging awkward ay sumasali rin ako sa usapan paminsan-minsan.

“I bet she’s pretty just like you..” komento ko patungkol sa kapatid ni Selena.

I noticed how Levi’s head moved, his eyes darkened. Selena’s smile widened by what I said.

“Aww, thanks Riley. But she’s prettier! The reason why this man fell in love with her.” and then she chuckled alone, Levi took a glass of water and nervously drank it.

I don’t have anything against his wife, though. Nakaraan na ’yon. At hindi ko naman mapipigilan na mabanggit ng kung sino lalo na’t kapatid ito ng asawa niya. I just think that it’s better if Selena will shut her mouth now.

“Selena, anong oras ka uuwi? Hindi ka ba hahanapin sa inyo?” Levi asked, Selena’s smile subsided.

“Hindi pa, Lev. At ang aga pa naman, pagkagaling ko rito dadaan ako sa boutique, may bagong labas kasi ng shade ng lipstick na gusto ko…” and her story goes on and on again.

Later on we finished the breakfast. Kasalukuyan akong nagliligpit ng pinagkainan nang pag-usapan nila ang tungkol sa trabaho.

“I heard about the issue. How are you gonna make up for the money that you’ve lost? And the people?” I heard Selena’s interrogations.

Leviticus sighed lowly, he licked his lower lip before saying something.

“We’re considering a line of credit, we’re just waiting for the bank’s approval, medyo natagalan, but they need to feel comfortable offering a sizable credit line. On top of that, we’re also planning to get an understanding with the Gracianos..”

Nang mabanggit ni Levi iyon ay napatigil na ako sa ginagawa. Are they planning to settle the war with the Gracianos?

“My father has an affiliation with banks, I can try to ask him for help to expedite the process. What are your plans with the Gracianos? I mean, hindi sila madaling makipag-settle..” humalukipkip si Selena habang inuubos ang dessert sa kanyang plato. “What pie is this?” tanong niya habang tinititigan ang ginawa kong pie.

“Apple pie.” sabay naming bigkas ni Levi kaya nagpalipat-lipat ang tingin ni Selena sa aming dalawa. She eventually nodded.

“It’s just a trial, if they don’t agree with the offer then we’re gonna go.. all war..” may diing pagkakasabi ni Levi.

I don’t like the way how he sounded. Parang naririnig ko sa kanya ang tono ng aking ama. Are they really gonna crash? Bakit hindi nila idaan sa mabuti at payapang usapan? I mean business is business but collaboration would be a possibility, right?

“Are you really gonna agree after the accident? Sila pa rin ang unang tinuturo na nanabotahe no’n..” muling nakuha ni Selena ang buong atensyon ko.

Anong aksidente ang tinutukoy niya?

“That accident not only caused Ate Alyanna’s death, but also took away your vision. I don’t think you can negotiate with them without spilling blood on the ground..”

Ibig ba niyang sabihin ay sangkot ang mga Gracianos sa naging aksidente ng mag-anak? Is the investigation still ongoing? Kung ang Gracianos ang itinuturong salarin sa aksidenteng nangyari, bakit hanggang ngayon ay malaya pa rin sila?

“There’s no enough evidence to prove that, Selena. If they don’t settle.. then I’m gonna think of other ways….”

Parang may kakaiba sa sinabing iyon ni Leviticus. Like he’s thinking about doing something dirty and illegal. Or maybe I was just overthinking? It’s not his personality. He might be violent but he’s still rational.

Kaya imbes na dumiretso sa school ay sa Gracianos ako nagtungo. May isang oras pa ako bago mahuli at isa pa, wala naman ng mga klase at pag-aayos nalang ng requirements ang gagawin. Namataan ko ang dalawang tauhan ng aking amain sa labas mismo ng bahay ni Levi.

“What?” masungit na tanong ni Bruce na nakaupo sa tabi ng driver’s seat. Si Reid naman ay naghihintay lamang sa sasabihin ko.

“Bring me to your boss.” utos ko sa kanila at walang pagdadalawang-isip na binuksan ang pintuan sa passenger’s seat.

“The fuck, ikaw na pala boss namin?” sarkastikong komento ni Reid na hindi nakatakas sa aking pandinig kaya sinamaan ko ito ng tingin.

“You’re gonna bring me to your boss or I’ll tell your boss who is actually my father that you’re disrespecting me?” pananakot ko na mukhang tumalab kay Reid, pero si Bruce ay nanatiling bagot ang hitsura.

“Tss..”

Hinayaan nila akong makasakay at madali nilang pinaharurot ang sasakyan. Wala pang kalahating oras ay nakarating na agad kami sa gusali ng mga Gracianos. Ang kaibahan lang ay hindi kami sa likod o sa basement dumaan kundi sa mismong harap ng gusali kami pumarada.

Nang tingalain ko ang establisyimento ay nabasa ko ang malalaking letra sa itaas.

GRACIANO CONSTRUCTION CORP.

Nakasunod pa ang dalawang lalaki sakin pero tinaasan ko ito ng kilay dahilan para umatras sila. Hindi ko naman kailangan ng proteksyon dito sa loob kaya pinagtabuyan ko sila.

“Napapadalas na ang pagbisita mo rito, napag-isipan mo na ba ang offer ko?” iyon ang unang bungad sakin ng aking ama nang datnan ko siya sa kanyang opisina.

Nanatili akong nakatayo sa harapan niya.

“Torralbas are planning to have an agreement with you. You should take it.”

Mukhang nakuha ko ang interes niya kaya tumayo ito sa kanyang reclining chair at iginawi ako sa receiving sofas.

“Where did you get this inf—”

“It doesn’t matter. But you should take it and settle what you have with them. They are willing to shake hands with you..”

Kahit man lang sa ganitong paraan ay makatulong ako kay Levi. I have the means so I won’t waste it.

Richard Graciano sighed and crossed his arms, thinking deeply about my statement.

“Uh-huh.. Let me think about i—”

“Wala nang kailangang pag-isipan pa. D-Dad, nakikiusap ako. They are losing a lot of money, nalulugi rin ang kanilang negosyo, would it hurt to lend them a hand? You said this is a business, but business won’t succeed by stepping down on others.”

Nag-iba ang emosyon sa kanyang mukha nang tawagin ko siyang “Dad”, I mean that’s just my way to quickly convince him.

“I will settle with them.. alright fine..” tumatango-tango niyang sinabi, sumibol ang ngiti sa aking labi. “But I have one condition to ask from you..” napawi ang ngiti ko.

“W-What condition?” parang hindi ko nagugustuhan ang tuwa sa kanyang mga mata.

“Get away from that Torralba and accept my proposal.”

My jaw literally dropped on the ground. What is this? Bakit kailangang may agreement din kami? Does everything needs to be business?

“W-What do you mean? And you said just one condition!” hindi ko matanggap na tugon.

Tumayo siya mula sa sofa at bumalik sa kanyang desk. Isinuot niya ang kanyang reading glasses habang pasulyap-sulyap sa akin.

“Yes, one condition. You can choose to either get away from him or accept my proposal and run the business.”

Nagkaroon ako ng mumunting ideya mula sa mga nabanggit niya. If I would take the proposal and agree to run the business for him, then that completely means I would have the power to make changes. I could also help Leviticus’ company to gain back what they’ve lost.

But that would also expose my real identity.

“What if I won’t choose?”

Nag-angat siya ng tingin sakin, depinado ang panga at ang madilim na emosyon sa mga mata.

“Then no agreement. As simple as that.”

Habang nasa loob ako ng elevator ay kinukumbinsi ko ang aking sarili na tanggapin na lamang ang alok ng ama. Running the business would actually benefit me, magagamit ko rin ’yon upang matulungan si Levi. The only downsides are the exposure of my real identity, and his possible reaction for that.

Pero tanggapin man niya o hindi na tunay akong Graciano, it doesn’t matter, ang mahalaga ay matapos na itong giyera nila at makatulong ako.

The elevator dinged and I immediately walked out. Pero ang hindi ko inaasahan ay ang masalubong ko si Legend sa lobby ng gusali. Behind him is Liz, the secretary. Nagtama ang paningin namin doon. Parehong gulat ang rumehistro sa kanilang mga mukha.

Probably, they’re shocked and thinking why I’m here, pero napaisip rin ako kung bakit sila narito?

Napaawang ang labi ko nang maalala ang sinabi ni Levi kaninang umaga. Ito na siguro ang agreement na tinutukoy niya. They are here to make an agreement with the Gracianos, hindi ko lang siguro naisip na ngayon na ito mangyayari.

Legend’s about to say something when he’s covered by Bruce and Reid’s arrival in front of me. Hinatak na ako ng dalawa paalis doon. Paglingon ko ay nagtungo na si Legend sa bumukas na elevator ngunit napansin kong naiwan ang tingin sa akin ni Liz. She calls someone on her phone before they vanished from my sight.

Hinatid ako ng dalawa patungo sa school. Nakapagpasa na ako ng aking requirements at hinihintay na lamang si Kimpoy na matapos. Naunang nagpasa sina Gael at Renan kaya maaga pa lang ay nakauwi na sila.

Nagkasundo kami ni Kimpoy na magcelebrate kami para sa aming nalalapit na pagtatapos. Kakain lang naman kami sa labas at pagkatapos ay uuwi na rin.

“Are you done?” nakabalik ako sa tamang wisyo nang makita ko siyang lumabas ng registrar kung saan ang pasahan ng requirements.

Tumango siya bilang tugon. “Oo. Halika na.”

Sabay kaming naglakad palabas ng main building. Marami pa ring estudyante sa paligid, karamihan ay mga seniors na magpapasa rin ng kanilang requirements, ang iba naman ay nasa lower levels at nagpa-practice ng kanilang cheering o ’di kaya’y sa ibang sports.

“Tanda mo pa ’yung hula sakin noon? That something big will happen? Hindi kaya baka may kinalaman ’yun sa pag-amin ko kay Gael?” tanong niya.

Nakalabas kami sa main building. Sa ’di kalayuang field ay napansin ko ang mag-isang lalaki na nag-eensayo roon. Verdejo ang pangalang nakasulat sa likuran ng kanyang soccer uniform. It suddenly made me remember the day at the library.

“Umamin ka na kasi nang malaman mo. Something big? How big is that?” malisyosong komento ko kaya nakatanggap ako ng hampas sa kanya.

“Loko! Sa laking tao ni Gael, malamang na maliit ang pototoy ’nun!” aniya saka kami sabay na nagtawanan.

“But seriously, you should admit your feelings to him. Aminin mo na hangga’t maaga, baka pagsisihan mo pa sa huli ’pag ’di mo ginawa, sige ka..” babala ko sa kanya kaya napasimangot siya at napaisip ng malalim.

“You think I won’t have any other chance? Kailangan kaagad na talaga, Riles?” pangungulit pa niya habang palabas na kami sa gate ng school.

“Oo. Hindi natin alam pero baka mawalan ka na ng pagkakataon sa susunod. Time flies so fast, do it fast so you won’t have to regret it in the end.” dagdag payo ko pa.

He gave me a sweet smile and then hugged me quick.

“Salamat Riles! O sige na nga, aamin na ako sa ungas na ’yon. Pero bukas na dahil may lakad pa tayo ngayon!” he said in excitement.

Paalis na sana kami kung hindi lang tumunog ang cellphone ko. I saw Leviticus’ name flashing on the screen as soon as I slid the answer button.

“Where are you??” iyon agad ang bungad niya sakin. His voice is kind of hoarse, but I ignored it thinking that he’s tired from all day of work.

“Nasa school pa ako, bakit?”

“Go home. Now.” utos niya, matigas at madiin.

“W-What? May lakad pa kami ni Kim—”

“I said go home now, Riley. Please, I need you home right now…” hindi ko maintindihan pero parang nagmamakaawa siya sa kabilang linya. At parang pakiramdam ko’y ’pag di ko sinunod ay may mangyayaring masama.

I reminisced the emotion I felt with him yesterday. Like something is going to happen and what I feel right now is exactly the same from what I felt that moment.

“O-Okay, fine. I’ll go home now.” I don’t have any other choice but to obey his words.

His brother caught me at the Gracianos, siguro ay oras na rin para sabihin ko na sa kanya nang mas maaga ang tunay kong katauhan.

Nang ibaba ko ang tawag ay sinalubong ako ng mga nagtatakang mata ni Kimpoy. Umiling-iling ako sa kanya bilang pahiwatig na hindi kami matutuloy ngayon sa lalakarin.

“Ayos lang, Riles. Sa susunod nalang siguro, baka mas importante ’yan.” aniya sa malungkot na boses.

Niyakap ko nalang siya huling beses para gumaan ang kanyang loob. Sa hindi kalayuan ay napansin ko ang nakaparadang itim na van, napatingin pa sakin si Reid nang yakapin ang kaibigan.

“Sige na, mag-iingat ka huh. Una na ako!” paalam niya pero bago pa man kami magkahiwalay ay siyang paghinto ng isang motorsiklo sa aming harapan.

Sakay nito ay dalawang lalaking parehong nakaitim na mask kung kaya’t hindi kita ang mga mukha. Pero napako ako sa aking kinatatayuan nang mag-angat ang sakay nito ng kamay at itinutok sa akin ang isang baril.

I was stunned and my mind went blank until the masked man pulled the trigger…. and dared to shoot at me…

All I remember was the loud bang…. and blood… and more gunshots… and more blood on my hands….

Chapter 28 [Hatred]

I saw the blood on my hands. Nakarinig pa ako ng ilang putok ng baril. I saw Reid and Bruce got out of the van and fired shots at the masked men. Halos hindi na ako makapag-isip ng tama sa mga nangyayari.

Mas dumami ang dugo sa aking kamay. Bumigat ang taong nakayakap sa akin at unti-unti akong nahila nito pababa. Kimpoy saved me from those bullets and now he’s the one who’s bleeding. Ang dugo sa mga kamay ko ay nanggaling sa kanya.

It happened so fast. Hindi ko maalala kung paano niyang sinalo ang mga balang ’yun, hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ako na buhay pa ako at walang tama, pero ikinahabag ko ang makita ang kaibigan na nawawalan na ng malay.

“R-Ri… Riles…” pinilit niyang magsalita. Ipinatong ko ang ulo niya sa aking mga hita.

Teardrops are now running down my face. Hindi ko siya kayang panoorin sa ganitong kalagayan.

“Damn.. b-bakit… bakit mo sinalo ’yun?!” naiiyak kong tanong kahit alam kong wala nang silbi pa dahil nangyari na ang nangyari.

There are blood coming out of his mouth, he almost choked on it.

Nakakarinig pa rin ako ng mga putok hanggang sa tuluyang matahimik ang lugar. Pagtingin ko ay hunarurot na ang namaril na naka-motorsiklo.

“The fuck! Bruce!” narinig ko ang boses ni Reid kaya nag-angat ako ng tingin at natanaw ang dalawang lalaking tauhan.

Mahigpit na nakahawak si Bruce sa kanyang tagiliran, pinipigilan ang pagdanak ng dugo roon. Nabaril siya?!

“R-Reid! Tulungan mo ako! Let’s go to the hospital!” sigaw ko sa kanya kaya madali itong dumalo sa akin upang buhatin ang nawawalan ng malay na kaibigan ko.

“S-Si Bruce, may tama rin siya.” anunsyo ni Reid habang binubuhat ang kaibigan ko sa kanyang mga bisig.

Lumingon ako sa kinatatayuan ni Bruce, tahimik ito ngunit bakas ang sakit na dinadamdam sa kanyang mukha. Tumakbo ako patungo sa kanya at kinuha ang braso niya, iniakbay ko ito sa aking balikat at pumasok kami sa loob ng sasakyan.

There were few people around watching us but no one dared to help. Hindi ko na pinansin ’yun dahil walang tigil ang iyak ko habang nasa biyahe kami. Kandong ko ang ulo ni Kimpoy sa backseat, papikit-pikit na siya pero nakangiti pa rin.

I shook my head. Tuluyang bumubuhos ang aking luha. As far as I can remember, the gun was aimed at me. The bullet was supposed to be shot at me, pero iba ang kinalabasan. Kimpoy willingly jumped at me and saved me from those bullets.

“Who are those guys?!” natataranta kong tanong kay Reid na mabilis na nagmamaneho.

“Hindi pa namin alam. Fuck!” hinampas nito ang manibela nang huminto kami sa stoplight.

Binalikan ko ng tingin si Kimpoy na ngayo’y nakapikit na.

“K-Kimpoy! Wake up! Malapit na tayo! Please! Don’t die on me!” tinapik ko nang marahan ang kanyang mukha.

Ang isa kong kamay ay nakatapal sa kanyang sugat upang hindi siya maubusan ng dugo. Kung anu-ano ng negatibong kaisipan ang pumapasok sa utak ko. Maging ang boses ng babaeng manghuhula ay nagpaulit-ulit sa aking utak.

“But be careful.. someone close to you… will soon be gone…”

Damn it! This is not it! That’s not gonna happen! Kimpoy will get through this, I believe in that! Hindi maaari! Ang tangi kong kaibigan, hindi siya maaaring mawala!

“Tanda mo pa ’yung hula sakin noon? That something big will happen?” Kimpoy’s last words are also replaying on my mind.

Iniling ko ang lahat ng iyon at mas nagtiwala na malalampasan namin ito. This can’t be happening. No one’s going to die tonight!

Malakas ang pwersa ng sasakyan nang huminto ito at pumarada sa tapat ng isang ospital. May sumalubong na nurses na nakapansin sa aming pagdating. Inalalayan si Bruce ng dalawang nurse papasok sa loob dahil nakakalakad pa naman ito. Humatak naman ng isang gurney ang lalaking nurse at doon namin isinakay si Kimpoy.

I noticed Kimpoy’s not moving, or even breathing. Habang tulak ang gurney ay bumagsak ang kamay ni Kimpoy sa gilid, animo’y tuluyang nawalan ng malay.

The nurses rushed him to the emergency room and called some doctors for help. Nasa labas ako ng silid habang pinapanood silang gamutin ang kaibigan. Ang babaeng nurse na may hawak na stethoscope ay umiiling na, maya-maya ay ang bagong dating na doktor ay inabutan ng defibrillator at saka nila sinagip ang buhay ng aking kaibigan.

Tumalikod ako dahil hindi ko kayang panoorin ang ginagawa nila. Para akong hihimatayin. Namumugto na ang mga mata ko at halos pagod na sa magdamag na pag-iyak.

I took my phone out to call his parents. Ipinaalam ko sa kanila ang nangyari. As much as I am here for my friend, he still needs his family with him whatever happens. Tinabihan ako ni Reid sa waiting area, nakayuko at madilim ang mga mata.

Nagtagal kami ng ilang minuto roon, hindi nag-uusap. I feel so tired and exhausted from everything.

“S-Si Bruce?” pagod kong tanong sa kanya.

We’re both exhausted. Ang damit kong nabahiran ng dugo ay ngayon ko nalang napansin. Maging ang aking braso’t mga kamay ay balot ng natuyong dugo.

“The doctors are treating him, nadaplisan lang daw at hindi naman ganoong kalalim ang sugat..” bahagya akong nakahinga ng maluwag nang malaman iyon.

“Y-Your friend?” balik tanong niya sa akin.

Bumaling ako sa silid na kinaroroonan ni Kimpoy ngunit napansin kong palabas na ang mga nurses doon. Kusang gumalaw ang mga paa ko at nagtungo roon.

“W-What happened?”

The nurses are all looking gloomy, like something bad happened. Kasunod nila ay ang doktor na mariing tumitig sa akin. Hindi pa man ito nakakapagsalita ay dumating na ang mga magulang ni Kimpoy.

“Ang anak namin? Kumusta?” nanginginig na tanong ni Tito Glenn, sa kanyang tabi ay ang misis na si Tita Paulene.

Napatingin sa akin si Tita at sa damit kong may bakas ng mga dugo. The doctor motioned them to somewhere a bit isolated before he breaks the news.

“I’m sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Dela Vega. But we tried our best. Your s-son was rushed to this hospital but he’s dead on arrival.”

Natulala ako at nanlumo nang marinig iyon mula sa doktor. Kumapit ako sa pader bilang suporta dahil pakiramdam ko anumang oras ay mawawalan ako ng malay. I inhaled deeply as I digest the fact that my friend died.

Kimpoy died.

“He suffered from two gunshots and he lost a lot of blood. We tried to revive him but…” yumuko ang doktor at tinapik ang balikat ng dalawa.

“I’m sorry for your lost..”

Tita Paulene cried so hard, inalalayan siya ni Tito Glenn hanggang sa umalis ang doktor.

Nanghihina ang mga tuhod ko kung kaya’t naupo muna ako sandali habang pinapanood ang pagtangis ng mag-asawa. I saw a middle aged man rushing towards our location, ang nakatatandang kapatid ni Kimpoy na si Kuya August. Ang alam ko’y isa itong modelo, napansin ako nito at ang magulang na parehong tumatangis, doon pa lamang ay alam na niya kung anong nangyari.

Lumabas ako ng ospital at doon ko inilabas ang walang humpay na mga luha. Ang akala ko ay naubos na ang mga ito, pero hindi pa pala. Niyakap ko ang sarili dahil sa sobrang sakit na nararamdaman.

My friend just d-died..

Kung hindi niya ginawa ’yon, ako siguro ang nasa kalagayan niya ngayon. Ako dapat ang namatay. Not him. Not my friend. Wala siyang ginawang masama.

Narinig ko ang tunog ng mga sasakyan at ang pagtigil nito sa parking. Lumabas doon ang mga nakaitim na tauhan, nanlalabo na ang mga mata ko dahil sa luha pero naaninag ko pa rin ang mukha ng aking ama.

“Riley, my son.. are you okay??” dinaluhan ako nito, hinawakan niya ako sa magkabilang balikat upang suriin kung may masakit sa akin.

I shook my head in front of him.

“M-My friend died..” humagulgol ako ng iyak at saka ko naramdaman ang pagbalot niya ng yakap sa akin.

We stayed there for a minute. I want to spend my night at the hospital but my father insisted me to go home. Pero bago iyon ay kinausap ko muna sina Tito at Tita at niyakap silang dalawa. Nagkaroon din kami ng saglit na pag-uusap ng kanyang kapatid na tahimik na nagdadalamhati.

I’m inside the van now. Katabi ko sa passenger’s seat si Richard Graciano na nakaantabay sa akin. Ang nagmamaneho naman ay si Reid. Bruce is already fine but he still needs to rest at the hospital. Nagpumilit pa ang aking ama na dito sa loob ng van sumakay. I didn’t know this van has so much memories. Kimpoy’s last memory with me, sa loob nitong sasakyan kung saan naghihingalo na siya at lumalaban para sa kanyang buhay.

Tumigil na ako sa pag-iyak, wala na yatang mailabas ang aking mga mata.  Nakatungo nalang ako sa kawalan at tahimik na nagluluksa sa pagkamatay ng pinakamatalik kong kaibigan.

“You think I won’t have any other chance? Kailangan kaagad na talaga, Riles?”

“Oo. Hindi natin alam pero baka mawalan ka na ng pagkakataon sa susunod. Time flies so fast, do it fast so you won’t have to regret it in the end.”

Tumatak sa aking isipan ang huli naming pag-uusap. I never though that that would be the last time, the last conversation I’m going to have with him. He wasn’t able to admit his feelings to someone because of what happened. Now, it is going to be buried deep down with him. Lost with his memories. Unsaid emotions. Unsaid feelings. Hindi ko alam kung may mas sasakit pa roon.

Kimpoy has influenced almost all of my life decisions. Maging sa buhay pag-ibig ko ay sa kanya ako nakakuha ng inspirasyon. If it wasn’t for him, I won’t be deeply in love with someone now.

That’s the time I remembered Leviticus. Kinuha ko ang aking phone na may ilang missed calls na galing sa kanya. I was about to call him when something caught my interest.

Sa ilalim ng upuan ay napansin ko ang pamilyar na bagay. I realized it was Kimpoy’s backpack. May bahid rin ito ng dugo na natuyo na. Pinulot ko ito at muli na namang gumana ang mga luha ko.

“Anak…” hinawakan ni Richard Graciano ang aking braso at saka nagbuntong hininga.

Niyakap ko saglit ang naiwang kagamitan ng aking kaibigan. Pumikit ako at inisip na ang kaibigan ang aking niyayakap. Binuksan ko ito pagkatapos. Naroon sa loob ang ilang notebooks at panulat niya. I didn’t expect even these things could make me feel so sentimental. Kinuha ko ang isang notebook at tinignan ang sulat-kamay niya roon. Pinunasan ko ang aking luha at napangiti nang mapansing hindi maganda ang paraan ng pagsusulat ng kaibigan.

“Kailangan mo nang magpahinga, anak.”

I looked at my father, I appreciate that at least someone is here for me. Tinanguan ko siya at itatabi na sana ang notebook sa loob ng bag nang mapansin ko ang pilas ng papel na nakaipit sa gitna nito. Hinugot ko ito at muling nabasa ang mga letrang nagmula sa manghuhula.

M N D L B

These letters that have no any significance with my life, hindi ko alam na itinabi pala niya ito. At gayong isa-isa nang nagkakatotoo ang mga hula ay para na akong mababaliw. Anong ibig sabihin nito? Mayroon na naman bang masamang mangyayari? Hindi pa ba tapos ang pagpapahirap sa akin? Ano pa ang susunod?

“Yes, we’re going home..” may kausap na ngayon sa telepono ang aking ama. Ibinaba nito ang tawag ilang minuto ang lumipas at saka ako binalikan ng tingin.

“You’re gonna stay in my household for the mean time.” anito.

Napakunot ang aking noo, anong ibig niyang sabihin?

“W-What?”

“I won’t let you near that Torralba again. You will stay in my house, hindi mo na kailangang balikan pa ang mga gamit mo roon dahil ibibili kita ng bag—”

“That is my home! Bakit hindi ako pwedeng umuwi roon?” hindi ko maintindihang tanong.

Umawang ang mga labi nito at pawang may sasabihin na hindi naituloy. Malalim itong nagbuntong hininga bago muling bumaling sa aking gawi.

“Those guys who tried to kill you, those are Torralba’s men. He tried to kill you and you still wanna go home with him?!”

Napanganga ako sa gulat. W-What?! Anong pinagsasabi niya? Nababaliw na ba siya? Bakit gagawin ni Levi ’yun?

“How can you say that? Hindi mo siya kilala! He won’t do that to m—”

“You were seen at the Gracianos this morning, my son. Now, kumakalat na ang balitang ikaw ang espiya mula sa mga Torralbas. That’s why he sent those goons to kill you!”

From the misery I was feeling a while ago, napalitan ito ng galit at pagkalito. Yeah, that is true. Legend saw me at the Gracianos today. Is he the one who… who told Levi that I’m a spy? Could Legend do that?

Kahit na marinig at makarating pa iyon kay Leviticus, malakas ang loob kong hindi niya ’yon paniniwalaan. He knows I can’t do that to him. Yes, I’m a Graciano but I’m not a spy!

“No! That isn’t true! He’s not the one behind it!” pagmamatigas ko.

“If that’s your perception of him, maybe you don’t really know what kind of person he is. He can do those things for the sake of business, my son. You don’t know what he’s capable of.”

Umiling-iling ako at gustong matawa sa mga narinig. Mas kilala ko si Leviticus kaysa sa kanya, hindi niya magagawa ang bagay na ’yun. That’s criminal offense at maaari niyang ikakulong iyon. He’s not insane!

“Stop the car!”

Sigaw ko nang mapansing malapit na naming madaanan ang bahay ni Levi. Bumaling ang ulo sakin ni Richard Graciano, nagtataka at nawawalan ng pasensya.

“I said stop the car! O tatalon ako rito?!” pagbabanta ko na buksan ang pintuan.

Reid maneuvered the steering wheel and parked the van somewhere dim, iyong hindi nasisinagan ng ilaw ng streetlights. Lumabas ako ng van at saka dali-daling tumakbo pauwi.

“Richard Bailey!” tawag sakin ngunit hindi ko na iyon pinansin.

From the vicinity of the house, I noticed some security guards lurking around which is very unusual. Wala namang ganitong kahigpit na security noon sa pamamahay ni Leviticus, ah?

Dahil napapaligiran ng guards ang main entrance ay umikot ako sa likuran. May alam akong lagusan patungo sa garden. Maingat akong pumasok sa loob. Dim ang mga ilaw sa garden ngunit pansin ko ang maliwanag na ilaw sa loob ng bahay. I tiptoed carefully to get inside.

Nakabukas ang sliding door sa garden at mula sa distansya ko ay napansin ko ang maraming tao sa loob ng sala. Mukhang tauhan ang mga ito. I even saw the Montenegros and the Torralbas in the middle, they seemed talking about something so serious.

“This is stupid! You let someone in here, wala ka pang kaalam-alam na minamanmanan ka na pala?” I heard someone said.

“Lower down your voice, it’s not his fault!” someone answered, nakilala ko iyon bilang boses ni Legend.

“Ridiculous. That fucking spy played you so well.”

Base sa pag-uusap nila ay pakiramdam ko’y ako ang tinutukoy na espiya. But I’m not a spy! Ano bang pinagsasabi nila?! Porket nakita nila ako sa mga Gracianos ay ganoon na ang tingin nila sa akin?

“We’re not even sure if he really is..” that was Levi’s voice. My heart skipped a beat. Sinubukan kong silipin ang kinaroroonan niya pero natatakpan siya ng isang tauhan.

“He was at the Gracianos but we’re not really sure if what is he up to..” that was Legend.

“Isn’t it obvious?! He’s the one behind it! He’s living here, at dito niya posibleng nakuha ang mga confidential information! Anyway, he looks treacherous and he’s obviously being paid by the Gracianos and you at the same time. Mukhang pera!” it was a woman’s voice but I’m not sure who it was. Si Liz lang naman ang kilala kong babae sa kanilang grupo.

“We don’t have any proof to decla—”

“Well, it’s damn obvious! Ano pa ba ang maaaring pakay niya roon? He’s secretly having business with them!” dagdag pa ng babae.

“Shut it, Liz!” Levi’s voice thundered, now I was sure that it was Liz.

“And they were attacked hours ago.” someone from the side of Montenegros said.

Nanatili akong nasa likuran ng pader, nakikinig sa mga pinag-uusapan. Now, they are talking about the shooting incident. And my father thinks that they were the ones behind it.

“W-What happened? Any news about him?”

“Did you try to call his phone, kuya?”

“I’m sure he’s dead!” narinig kong muli ang boses ni Liz na hindi ko nagustuhan.

Nagpanting ang tainga ko at muling bumalik sa akin ang alaala ng namayapang kaibigan.

“Levi, call him. Make sure he’s…” someone from the group ordered.

Make sure what? Ako ba ang tinutukoy na tawagan? Make sure I’m dead? So… S-So they were really the ones who ordered to kill me?

“He’s not answering..” tugon ni Levi sa nag-utos, mababa at pagod ang boses.

“He’s possibly dead! He deserves it! That traitor!”

Kabig-kabig ang dibdib ay nilisan ko ang lugar na iyon. Maga na ang mga mata ko pero mukhang hindi pa ito napapagod sa pag-iyak. Hindi ko matanggap.. na kaya niyang gawin ang bagay na ’yon..

I can’t believe it. Ang mga katagang sinasabi sa akin ng aking ama ay purong katotohanan. Ang akala ko kilala ko na siya. But here are they… talking about my possible death and accusing me as a spy! Now, I know what he is really capable of.

And they are talking about it like it was nothing to them if I was dead. Kanina’y pagluluksa ang nararamdaman ko, ngayon ay pagkamuhi na. Ibayong galit ang bumalot sa akin. They took someone precious to me. And they seemed so happy about it. Demonyo. Mga demonyo sila. Walang puso!

I’m not gonna go away. I’m just going to keep my distance and I’ll make sure to bring them what they deserve.

Paglabas ko ng bahay ay tumunog ang aking cellphone. Leviticus’ name flashed on the screen. Pang-ilang tawag na niya ito. Kung kanina’y hindi ko nasasagot, ngayon ay binaba ko ang tawag at pinatay ko ang cellphone.

Namuo sakin ang galit. Mas matutuwa pa siguro ako kung ako ang namatay. Pero hindi, e. They killed my friend! And I’ll bring him justice! I was so stupid to believe that Leviticus is a good person, but he played me so well. I didn’t know… he c-could… kill me..

Only demonic people could do that. They tried to kill me, but they failed. I was saved.. I was saved from those demons.. And now I’m going to harvest all my hatred and get even with them. I won’t let this pass. I’ll make sure that I’m gonna destroy them once I’m back.

Nakabalik ako sa kinaroroonan ng van. I didn’t expect they are still waiting for me. Bumukas ang pintuan bago pa man ako makalapit. Richard Graciano patiently stood in front of me. He stared at me like he saw something new in my eyes. Some type of emotion he’s not used to see in me.

“Let’s talk about your proposal.” I said, completely decided on what to do next.

Chapter 29 [Coincidence]

I swiftly put off my earphones as soon as the call ended. Tagaktak na ang pawis ko, bahagyang nabasa ng pawis ang suot kong gymshark slim shirt. I manipulated the buttons on the treadmill to reduce its speed. I spent another half an hour running on a slower pace before I finally decided to stop.

“Towel..”

Tinanggap ko ang puting face towel na inabot ni Andrei, ang personal assistant ko. On his lap is his macbook air na ekslusibo ko pang pina-deliver mula sa US, lumang laptop kasi ang gamit niya noon at ayaw ko namang nahihirapan siya.

“Thanks, nag-email na ba si Arciaga?” tanong ko sa kanya habang pinagsasabay ko ang pagpunas ng pawis sa mukha at ang pagtungga sa aking tumbler.

He hovered something on his macbook, he’s wearing eyeglasses pero halos itutok pa rin niya ang mukha sa monitor. His eyebrows met and then gave me a usual look.

“No response po, until now..”

I groaned and tried to search for my personal phone in my duffel bag. I occupied a seat beside Andrei and dialled a number on my phone. Andrei’s watching me as I went impatient when the call I made is being unanswered.

“I’m gonna try to reach him later today. What’s on my schedule today?” walang gana akong bumaling kay Andrei na natuliro agad at pinanood ko ang pag-pull up niya sa isang dokumento sa kanyang laptop.

“Your first meeting will happen by nine o’clock, that would be an estimate of two hours. The Del Grandes are willing to reschedule it if you have any other th—”

“No, Andrei it’s fine. Let’s push it now. Wala naman akong ibang gagawin ngayong umaga..” napatigil akong bigla nang naalala ko ang mensaheng natanggap kay Daddy na bibisita siya ngayon sa site. “Can we delay it by half an hour?” agap ko upang magkaroon ako ng sapat na oras para kay Dad.

“No problem, Sir.. I’m gonna reschedule it by nine-thirty then, Del Grandes will be notified too.” aniya habang may kung anu-anong pinipindot sa kanyang laptop.

I took my tumbler and my duffel bag with me, naglakad ako palabas ng gym area habang sumusunod naman sa hakbang ko si Andrei. Paglabas ko ay nag-abang ako ng elevator, gym area is located at the very top of the building so I still need to ride a lift to get to my own office.

It’s more than seldom that I go to gym to keep my body fit and healthy, siguro tama na ang dalawa o tatlong beses sa isang buwan. In addition to that, I’m also not used to working out but since I have a stressful work and exhausting schedule, I need to put more effort on taking care of my health.

It’s been what? Tatlong taon na rin ang lumipas. I gained some muscles on my chest and back, katamtaman lang upang matawag na fit. I don’t want to look too buff so I rarely attend gym training. Nag-ooffer sila ng free training but I don’t really have much time for that, kaya ayos lang sakin kung ako lang mag-isa.

“Mr. Arciaga just sent an email, Sir. He said he’s coming in an hour..”

Napatigil ako sa paglalakad nang marinig si Andrei sa balitang ’yon. Finally! I thought he won’t accept my proposal, mabuti naman at nagparamdan ang loko! Hindi ko mapigilang mapangiti hanggang sa makarating ako sa tamang floor kung saan ang aking opisina.

“You can take a break, Andrei. Thanks..” bigkas ko na mukhang ipinagtaka naman niya, umawang ang labi ngunit itinikom rin at tumango sa aking iniutos saka ako iniwan.

“Good morning, Sir Richard Bailey..” bati ng nadaanan kong babaeng empleyado.

“Morning, Sir!”

“Richard Bailey, darling! You look so handsome in the morning!” I rolled my eyes in secret when I heard Dorothy, the head of the finance, called my attention.

She’s naturally vocal, she’s in her 40s already, her body shape is curvy and she’s still updated with new arrivals of cosmetics.

“Dorothy, you look so… good..” bati ko sa kanya, hinatak niya ako upang makipag-beso sa akin. Sinakyan ko ang kagustuhan niya.

“Of course, I know right?? So, did you work out?” gumapang ang mga mata niya sa aking pawisang damit habang nakangiti nang nakakaloko.

Dorothy’s just naturally flirtatious, wala pa kasing asawa ito, but I already told her that I’m not into pussies. Lagi siyang natutuwa sakin, at mukhang hindi naniniwalang saging ang hanap ko.

“Y-Yeah, you know what? I need to take a shower. I’m completely…” pinagmasdan ko pa ang aking basang-basang damit na halos bumakat na ang katawan ko.

“Go on, darling! Bathe that goddamn body!” iniwan ko na siya roon at saka nagkulong sa aking opisina.

I sighed profusely, somehow matatawa nalang ako dahil sa kahihiyan. Everyone knows my sexuality, tanging si Dorothy lang ang nagbubulag-bulagan tungkol doon. Ibinaba ko ang duffel bag sa receiving couch at ang tumbler sa ibabaw ng aking desk.

Over the years, I tried to be a better version of myself. Not just physically but also in terms of intellectual capability. Alam kong hindi ako mabilis matuto noon, kung kaya’t doon ako nag-focus. Last year, I went to Switzerland to study about business. It was just a crash course na sinuportahan naman ni Dad. Dumalo rin ako sa ilang congregations sa ibang bansa gaya ng New Zealand at maging sa Amerika, doon ay mas nagkaroon ako ng kaalaman tungkol sa pagpapalago ng negosyo.

On my free times, I usually attend Ted talks with my personal assistant, Andrei. Richard Graciano has been out of the office since the day I started to take his place. He’s getting old and during this year of his life, he wants to have a peaceful life, free from stress, and just doing the normal responsibilities of a father.

May sariling shower dito sa loob ng opisina ko kaya dito na rin ako madalas naliligo, lalo na ngayong galing ako sa pagwo-workout. I felt the warm water on my body, just enough temperature to relieve some of my sore muscles.

Thinking about the past, I was a bit grateful that I’ve experienced those. Hindi bihira ang trahedyang nangyari noon, dahil din doon ay mas natuto ako. I’ve learned that not all people can be trusted. Kung sino pa ang malapit sa’yo ay siya pa ang dapat mong hindi pagkatiwalaan. Gaya ng nakalakihan kong pamilya, just like…. tumigil ako sa pag-iisip sa nakaraan dahil may mukhang rumehistro sa aking isipan na hindi na dapat.

Nang matapos akong magshower ay nagbihis ako ng aking usual office attire. White long sleeves, and an aesthetic brown slacks. Dito ko na rin naka-ugaliang magbihis, hindi ko rin naman kasi gustong manatili ng matagal sa puder ng mga Graciano. I mean, they are nonvocal but I know that my presence is not so welcomed.

Abala pa ako sa pagsusuot ng aking dark brown leather shoes nang magbukas ang pintuan. Nagkagulatan pa kaming dalawa ni Andrei.

“Hindi usong kumatok, Andrei?” nakangisi kong komento na alam kong wala nang silbi dahil nakapasok na siya. I motioned him to come closer.

“S-Sorry, Sir. But Gamaliel Arciaga is already here..” sobrang nakuha niya ang atensyon ko na halos pumalakpak na ang mga tainga ko sa tuwa.

“O-Okay, papasukin mo!”

I got so excited na hindi ko pa tuluyang nasusuot nang maayos ang aking leather shoes ay tumakbo ako patungo sa taong pumasok ng aking opisina.

“Riley!” niyakap niya ako. Matagal rin kaming hindi nagkita, ang huli na kasi naming pagkikita ay noon pang… noong funeral ni Kimpoy.

“Gael! Naku, mas lalo kang tumangkad, huh? Nagpapatubo ka na rin ng balbas?” puna ko sa balbas sarado niyang mukha.

Andrei is behind him that makes it awkward for the two of us to hug in front of my assistant. Sumimsim ako at inayos ang bahagyang nagusot na sleeves.

“Y-You can take a seat..here… Mr. Gamali—”

“Just call me Gael, please…” nginitian ni Gael ang assistant kong si Andrei na pinamulahan ng mukha.

Nakatitig lang ako sa kanilang dalawa. Gael occupied the vacant space on the receiving area, unlike before na presko at asal kalye, ngayon ay iba na siyang kumilos. With his black button down shirt, it made him look more professional.

“How are you? Ang tagal mo pang paunlakan ang alok ko, huh? Ano bang pinagkaabalahan mo?” kinausap ko siya na parang katulad lang ng dati. He’s a close friend anyway so it would be fine to have an informal conversation.

Ang nagtatakang mga mata ni Andrei ay nakatutok sa aming dalawa, he should be typing on his macbook like what he always do when I’m talking to someone, but now he seems… interested to listen…

“Galing pa akong Cavite, Riley. Bumisita ako sa pamilya ko. Kauuwi ko lang kaninang alas singko, nagpahinga na rin kaya hindi agad naka-reply..” aniya, pinagmasdan ko ang magandang hubog ng kanyang mga braso na natatakpan ng kanyang sleeves.

Noon pa man ay matikas na itong si Gael, gawa ng pag-babasketball. Pero ngayon ay mas gumanda ito at idagdag pa ang kanyang balbas kaya mas nagmukha siyang brusko. Propesyunal na brusko, if I’m making any sense.

“Anyway, did you read the file I sent you?”

Gael pursed his lips, isang senyas na hindi niya binasa ang tinutukoy ko. Umismid ako at saka lumingon kay Andrei na agad namang nakuha ang gusto kong ipakahulugan.

Inilahad ni Andrei ang isang folder sa ibabaw ng coffee table sa tapat ni Gael.

“What’s this?” kinuha niya iyon at saka binasa ang nilalaman. I watched him change his expression.

“Kontrata? Ano pa? I’m gonna place you in the engineering department. May background ka naman sa carpentry works, right?” tukoy ko sa naging una niyang trabaho noon. Kaso ay hindi yata siya nagtagal doon dahil sa nakaalitang boss.

“Are you sure, Riley? I’m not a licensed engineer. Finance ang background ko gaya mo.”

Doon siya nagkakamali. Ako ang boss kaya magagawan ko ng paraan ang gusto kong mangyari.

“It’s fine. Na-irecommend ko na rin sa engineering head namin. Ang matamis mong oo nalang ang hinihintay ko.” binigyan ko siya ng ngiti upang mas makumbinsi siya.

“I have work in Cainta, and you know that..” he sighed and put down the folder.

“Then transfer here. This is a huge opportunity I am offering, Gael. Mas malaki ang kikitain mo rito, pandagdag mo na rin para sa pamilya mo sa Cavite at para sa… baby mo..” nag-angat siya ng tingin.

“How did you know about my baby?” nagbago ang mood niya, ngayon ay nakataas na ang kilay at interesado sa sasabihin ko.

“I have resources, Gael.”

He sighed extravagantly, akala niya siguro hindi ko malalaman. He’s a single father now, may naanakan siya roon sa trabaho niya sa carpentry works na kalaunan ay iniwan din siya.

“Alright, fine. I’m gonna consider this. For my… baby..” mabagal niyang tugon, animo’y pinag-iisipan pang mabuti kung tatanggapin ang aking inaalok o hindi.

For his baby, sa pagkaalam ko ay mag-iisang taon palang ito. Nanatili pa kami roon ng ilang minuto, naikwento niya kung ano pa ang mga naging karanasan niya sa trabaho. Nalaman kong mag-isa siyang tumutuloy sa isang apartment sa Cainta, mag-isang binubuhay ang kanyang anak. He hired a nanny, kaya tagilid siya ngayon pagdating sa pinansyal. Ginamit ko ang sitwasyong iyon upang mas makumbinsi siya. Gusto ko rin namang matulungan siya kaya ako na ang gumawa ng paraan upang makakuha siya ng mas magandang career.

“Richard Bailey…. Graciano?” napagawi ang tingin ni Gael sa nameplate na nasa ibabaw ng aking desk.

“Y-Yeah, Graciano..” banggit ko na ikinakunot ng noo niya. What Gael knows are just superficial information, but he doesn’t know the true relationship I have with the Gracianos. Ang alam lang niya ay nagsucceed ako sa sarili kong sikap.

“What happened to Alveo?” nakanguso na siya ngayon at saka humalukipkip, napatingin ako kay Andrei na nasa kanyang bandang likuran at sinenyasan ko muna itong iwan kami ng kaibigan.

I waited for Andrei’s exit before I explained everything to Gael.

“So you are… the long lost son of Richard Graciano?”

I moved my head up and down. I gave him enough time to comprehend what I told him.

“Going back, once you sign the contract I’m expecting you to start the next day, pronto..” sabay turo kong muli sa folder sa kanyang harapan.

His clean-cut hair fits him perfectly, with his well-built body and stance, Gael surely knows how to steal everyone’s attention. Sadyang minalas nga lang talaga sa pag-ibig.

“Alright, thanks for this Riley. I’m gonna go now, aalis kasi ang nanny bago magtanghali kaya kailangan ko agad makabalik..” aniya at nagbalak nang tumayo sa kanyang kinauupuan.

Muli kaming nagyakapan saktong pagbukas ng pintuan ay ang pagpasok ng gulat na si Andrei, kasunod niya ay si Dad. Naningkit ang mga mata nito habang nagmamasid sa lalaking kasama ko sa silid. Napansin ko ang dala nitong envelope.

“D-Dad..”

“Anak, hindi mo nasabing may bisita ka pala?” hindi natanggal ang tingin niya kay Gael na mukhang wala lang sa kanya ang taong nasa harapan.

“This is Gamaliel Arciaga, Dad. I’m offering him a place in the company.” hinayaan kong magkamayan ang dalawa.

“Andrei, can you accompany Gael outside?” napasinghap ang nabiglang si Andrei sa pagtawag ko. Gael needs to go out now or else Dad would overthink of something again.

“Andrei!”

“Y-Yes, Sir.. Uhm.. Mr. Gamaliel let’s go please..” nag-iwan ng simpleng ngiti sakin si Gael bago sila lumabas ng silid.

Naiwan ako kay Dad. Umikot ako patungo sa aking desk at saka binuksan ang macbook pro sa ibabaw nito. I tried to look preoccupied so that Dad would not bug me again with his caprices.

“Gael? Is that your friend?” pinanood ko itong maupo sa inupuan kanina ni Gael. May tobacco sa bibig niya ngunit wala itong sindi, ayaw ko kasi ng magsisindi siya kapag nasa loob ng aking opisina.

“Yes, he’s a close friend. Batchmate ko noong college.” discreet kong sagot dahil pakiramdam ko’y iba na naman ang interpretasyon nito sa utak niya.

Richard Graciano is getting old, like what I said, and since he’s aging he wants me to find someone to be with. He knows about my sexuality and he’s cool with it, pero ang pasakit lang sakin ay ang pambubugaw niya sa kung sinu-sinong lalaki na magugustuhan ko.

Hindi pa nagtatagal ay tumayo siya at inokupa ang upuan sa harap ng aking desk. Ang dalang envelope ay binuksan at nilabas ang nilalaman nitong mga…. litrato?

“So these are some of the most successful men in their own chosen fields.. tignan mo kung sino ang magugustuhan mo..” napanganga ako ng literal nang ikalat niya ang mga litrato ng kung sinu-sinong lalaking hindi ko naman kilala.

“D-Dad! Are you serious?” lukot na lukot ang mukha ko pero wala siyang pakialam at nagpatuloy lang sa ginagawa.

“I’m dead serious, Richard Bailey. Look, you’ve been working for over three years and I’m glad that you’re serious about it, but you also need to have someone to take care of you.. iyong mapapangasawa mo na rin..”

Hindi ako makapaniwala sa ginagawa niya. Kung dati kasi’y mga pangalan lang ang binibigay niya sakin, ngayon ay may kasama ng mga larawan. At napansin kong hindi wholesome ang mga kuhang litrato, mayroong topless at mayroong stolen pa habang nagwo-workout. Good Lord!

“Anong mapapangasawa, Dad? Nagbibiro ka ba?”

Hindi ko na magawang ipagpatuloy ang pagkukunwaring pagtitipa sa aking laptop dahil sa kanya.

“Richard Bailey, you’re already 28 for god’s sake! Tumatanda ka na, kailan mo pa balak mag-asawa?”

He continued spreading each picture, I just went totally speechless as I look at each photograph of… men… and the shots are good.. seems like those men are active.. what the fuck is this? pinapatulan ko ba ang kalokohang ito?

“This is Architect Sancho Abraam Torrecilla, he’s been in and out of the country, maganda ang lahi nito anak at gwa—”

“D-Dad!” hinilot ko ang magkabilang sintido dahil sa stress ko sa aking amain.

The more he’s getting old, the more he’s getting childish and importunate. He demands so much from me, dati ay sa trabaho lang, ngayon naman ay pati sa ganito.

“Kung ayaw mo, how about this?” ipinakita niya ang litrato ng isang lalaking naka-topless. “This is Damian Valmonte, he owns a publishing company. I think he’s… fine..”

I licked my lips in overwhelming frustration.

“Or this..” kinuha niya ang sumunod na larawan. “Finn Tuazon, working in a law firm. He’s kind of serious… but he looks good too.. ano, anak sa tingin mo?”

Nakasimangot lang ako habang hinahayaan siya sa ginagawang pambubugaw sa mga lalaking ’yon, I don’t even know where did he get those pictures.

“This one looks fine as well. August Dela Vega, famous male model.. wait Dela Vega? Saan ko nga ba narinig ito?” napahinto pa siya at parang may malalim na iniisip. Of course, it’s familiar because he’s Kimpoy’s older brother. Bakit pati ito nasali?

“Anyway, this last picture.. hmm.. he looks so young but anyway, Harper Garcillano of Garcillano industries. He works in the medical field.. sa tingin ko magkakasundo kayong dalawa..” aniya habang tinititigan ang litrato na mukhang mas interesado pa siya roon kaysa sakin.

“Anything, son? Kahit isa wala kang nagustuhan?”

To shush him off, I showed him a frown. I have so much work to do and to think of, a chance for romance is the least of my priorities in life right now. Dahil ang huli kong pagsubok roon ay hindi naging maganda. I put so much trust in people, now I tend to be picky on who I’m gonna trust.

Nagpasalamat akong hindi nagtagal si Dad sa kompanya nang magpaalam siya, hinahanap daw siya ng kanyang asawa. Pero iniwan pa niya ang mga litrato sa aking opisina upang mapag-isipan ko raw.

Kasabay ko sa paglalakad si Andrei na binabasa sa akin ang schedule ko after lunch, but right now I need to attend a meeting with the Del Grandes.

“Did you check on the Torralbas?” walang tabas kong tanong kay Andrei na napatigil dahil ngayon ko nalang ulit iyon nabanggit pagkatapos ng isang buwan.

I used to order him to keep an eye on the Torralbas, and now that I’m asking for it, Andrei took too much time while pulling up another files on his macbook.

“U-Uhmm.. t-their sales are doing fine, Sir. Seems like the temporary acting CEO is good with numbers. Tumaas din ang last month’s sales nila base sa trend ng kan—”

“Temporary acting CEO?” kuryoso kong tanong. Why would there be a temporary?

“According to reports, the previous CEO stayed silent for a year.. while he’s getting treatment at home, the other brother has been acting as temporary..”

That made me stop from walking, ilang metro nalang ng distansya mula sa meeting room na dadaluhan ko.

Who stayed silent for a year? Treatment? Napatingin ako kay Andrei na mukhang nabasa ang mga katanungan sa aking mukha kung kaya’t nagpatuloy siya.

“Further details are made confidential. But right now, Legend Torralba is running the business.” aniya, ngunit hindi ako naging kuntento sa nalaman.

“W-What happened to.. to the p-previous one?”

“The other Torralba, Sir? Information about him were kept nonpublic. The only information I can gather from him is that he’s getting treatment.”

Treatment? What kind of treatment? May sakit ba siya? Bakit siya nagpapagamot?

“Kailan nailabas ang report na ’yan?”

Suminghap si Andrei, waring hindi naitindihan ang gusto kong makuha.

“A-Alin, Sir? Itong sales report ba?”

I wanted to mentally slap myself for making it harder for him. My word usage is so vague, hindi ko alam kung dahil sa pagkalito o dahil sa sumisibol na emosyong matagal ko nang hindi naramdaman.

“The o-one who’s receiving a treatment?” tukoy ko, ingat na ingat na hindi mabanggit ang kanyang pangalan.

Muli siyang tumingin sa monitor ng kanyang laptop, parang may hirap na hirap basahin doon.

“The source came from… almost six months ago…”

Six months ago? Ibig sabihin ay matagal na? How come I didn’t know about this? Ang akala kong nagpapatakbo ng Torralba Builders ay si…. Definitely, not Legend..

Kung gayon, ano maaari ang pinagkakaabalahan ng isa?

“Gather more information about him.”

Bumalik na ako sa paghakbang ngunit muling napatigil sa tanong ni Andrei na parang napakalabo ng sinabi ko.

“H-Him? The current or the previ—”

“Leviticus Amedeo Torralba!” naiirita kong tugon upang hindi na siya maguluhan pa. My instructions were clear but saying his name out loud would stop him from asking repeatedly.

“N-Noted, Sir.”

I opened the door that leads to the meeting room. But I wasn’t expecting who’s inside with the Del Grandes. I got suprised, my feet almost getting stuck in the ground. I’m not sure if it’s coincidence or on purpose, but what is he doing here?

Chapter 30 [Unfamiliar]

When I opened the door that leads to the meeting room, it took me by surprise to see someone I am not totally expecting. Beside the Del Grandes is Legend Torralba, in his clean luxurious coat, is also taken by surprise when he laid his eyes on me. What is this? Why is he here?

“Good morning, Mr. Graciano. Engr. Sawyer Del Grande of Del Grande Carpentry Works, it is nice to finally meet you..” the tall guy offered his hand, medyo natagalan akong tanggapin iyon dahil ang mga mata ko ay napirmi sa lalaking hindi ko inaasahan.

I convinced myself so bad to look and entertain the engineer who approached me, in the first place ay siya naman talaga ang pakay ko rito.

“N-Nice to meet you, Mr. Del Grande.”

My feet were stuck on the ground for no reason, pinilit ko pa ang sariling makagalaw ng malaya.

“And this is my cousin, Engr. Weston Del Grande of Del Grande Complex Industries..” pinakilala ni Sawyer ang isa pang lalaking matangkad din na agad na tumayo at naglahad ng kamay sa akin, malugod ko itong tinanggap.

Hindi na ako halos makangiti. I was caught off guard with the sudden appearance of Legend Torralba in front of me, here at the Gracianos.

“Legend Amedeus Torralba of Torralba Builders, pleasure to… meet you..” naglahad din siya ng kanyang kamay. My eyebrows furrowed in a complete state of confusion, bakit siya narito? Alam niya ba ang tunay kong katauhan? Well, obviously he must know since he’s here to meet the… owner of Graciano Constructions.

“R-Richard Bailey Graciano, honor to meet you M-Mr. Torralba.” nanginginig ang kamay ko na tinanggap ang kamay niya. He gave me a short smile but it is also evident on his face that he’s not expecting to see me.

I told the three to take their seat. Andrei went inside the room, with his usual clueless look on his face, he occupied the vacant chair beside me. He opened his macbook air before I started the discussion.

Del Grandes are famous for their carpentry works and manufacturing of office furnitures and even home decors. We also provide the same service however I think that it would be a great idea to have a collaboration with them. Two of the most powerful suppliers and builders in the industry of construction, no one can mess with our business.

The only thing that distracts me from my target is Legend Torralba, who’s now looking amused with my presentation and offer to the Del Grandes. Wala akong ideya kung ano ang koneksyon niya sa mga ito at kung bakit siya kailangang naririto, pero siguro naman ay hindi… big deal iyon? He must be… friends with them or… worse, doing business with them..

“This is to honor the famous Richard Graciano and to continue the path to the best service we can provide to the country. I heard you have extended your service internationally, Engr. Sawyer?” bumaling ako sa lalaking mukhang interesante na nakatingin sa akin. He licked his lips slowly and his eyes moved upward.

“Yeah, it was a trial but it was executed successfully..” tugon niya, pinaglalaruan ang ibabang labi habang ang buong atensyon ay nasa akin. I just… don’t know why that specific gesture felt so familiar to me.

Saglit na nagbulungan ang magpinsang Del Grande sa aking harapan, nalipat ang tingin ko kay Legend na nakatuon sa kanyang laptop pero minsanan ang ginagawang pagsulyap sa akin.

“What can you say… Mr. T-Torralba? Do you have any… insights?” ginamit ko ang pagkakataong iyon upang malaman ko ang tunay na pakay niya sa pagpapakita rito.

His usual curly hair still made him looked so young and carefree, but over the last three years he’s grown almost similar to his older brother. The luxuriance and the aura he’s giving me right now, it tells me something has definitely changed.

Pinagsalikop niya ang kanyang dalawang kamay. Legend has been more congenial with me before, now I don’t know why he’s giving me a different.. perception of him.

“Are you implying that… unison of entities is the best idea here? To expand not just nationally but globally?” Legend acted so calm and formal, na parang wala kaming nakaraan noon, pero siguro tama ang hinala kong nakalimot na ito.

It’s been what, Riley? Three years? I have been dubbed as the “spy” or “traitor” without them letting me explain my side, well I tried to, but they completely shut me off.

“Yes, with the combination of two powerful names w—”

“Let me stop you with that. This is not a competition of who’s the most powerful in the field, inuuna namin ang kalidad ng serbisyo bago ang pangalan. Yes, Del Grandes have quality services but uniting with another business who’s main focus is… power or whatever you call it, it might look prosperous at first but eventually it will fail..” mahabang paliwanag ni Legend na hindi ko nagustuhan.

Sinisira niya ang plano ko. What is this? Bakit kailangan niyang kumontra sa mga desisyon ng Del Grandes? Kaanu-ano ba siya? What is he, a representative or a spokesperson or something?

“And if you will acquire or just purchase their name—” hindi ko na pinatapos pa sa pagsasalita si Legend. I’m done with him.

“It is not an acquisition, Mr. Torralba. It is a merger. Equal customers and scale of operations, we’re not… we’re not buying shares..” huminga ako ng malalim dahil malakas na ang pakiramdam ko na matatalo ako sa argumentong ito.

Legend has been in this industry for how many years? Samantalang ako, I just started roughly three years ago, alisin pa ang mga panahong nagti-train ako. At ang katotohanang iyon ang kumakalaban sa akin para manalo sa argumento.

“And who are you? I mean, this offer is for the Del Grandes not for… your..” hindi ko maituloy dahil sa mukhang pilit na rumerehistro sa aking isipan kapag mababanggit ang kanyang apelyido.

“Well, if you’re gonna take a look at the most recent hierarchy, I’m now a part of the Del Grande businesses, meaning to say I can make decisions without any approval of their shareholders as I own half of their stocks and other assets..” napasinghap ako sa nalaman.

How come I didn’t know about this? Lumingon ako kay Andrei na mabilis na nagtitipa na ngayon sa kanyang laptop. And how recent is this? Bakit wala sa mga nabasa kong reports ang pangalan niya? He owns half of the firm’s stocks? That’s…. that’s bullshit! Paanong naunahan niya ako?

Nagtanguan ang dalawang Del Grande sa sinabi ni Legend bilang pagsang-ayon.

Natapos ang meeting nang mas maaga. It was supposed to go around for two hours, pero isang oras pa lang ay natapos na agad. I got completely speechless after what Legend declared in that fucking room.

“How come you didn’t know about this??” gigil kong tanong kay Andrei habang palabas kami ng meeting area. Pakiramdam ko ay napahiya ako. At ang mas hindi ko matanggap ay… Torralba na naman ang nakapagpabagsak sa akin. They are getting on my nerves quickly.

Someone must be… hacking the system!

“S-Sorry, Sir. But the report about their new hierarchy wasn’t exposed to the public yet. H-Hindi ko rin alam kung paanong nangyari.” tugon niya sa nerbyosong boses.

I sighed in so much defeat and annoyance. Hindi pa man kami tuluyang nakakalayo ay nakasunod na agad si Legend Torralba sa akin. Nang magtagpong muli ang mga mata namin ay nalaman kong gusto niya akong makausap. I raised an eyebrow to Andrei, madali niyang nakuha ang mensahe at humarurot paalis.

“Richard Bailey Graciano, huh.. Riley lang ang pagkakakilala ko sa’yo noon e…” he grinned like he holds something he can use against me. The Del Grandes passed by, nagtagal pa sakin ang tingin ng isang inhinyero bago tuluyang naglaho sa paningin ko.

“Legend, what is this? Why are you… meddling with my business?!” galit kong tono sa kanya na hindi na niya ikinagulat. I’m just so furious right now, kung hindi siguro naging mabuti ang pakikitungo niya sakin noon ay baka nasaktan ko na siya ngayon.

“Calm down, Riley. Look, I didn’t do that on purpose. But it’s business. At iyon ang totoo.” aniya.

All of my plans for the Del Grandes are completely gone and put into trash. Naalala ko ang report na sinabi kanina lamang ni Andrei tungkol sa trend ng sales nila, kaya pala tumaas? Dahil pag-aari na nila ang Del Grandes?

“I don’t care! It’s supposed to be…” hindi ko maituloy ang sasabihin, dahil kahit anong gawin ko ay hindi na rin naman talaga matutuloy ang gusto kong mangyari.

“You were gone for years, Riley.. Three years.. Pinahanap ka nam—”

“Of course ipapahanap niyo ako!” galit kong dugtong sa sinabi niya. Totoong ipapahanap nila ako upang matuloy ang masamang binabalak nila sakin.

“Kuya got so worried until now. We looked everywhere but you were gone. Even in your graduation, you didn’t attend.”

Napapairap nalang ako sa ere. Worried my ass! Siguro kating-kati silang mahanap ako noon dahil hindi sila nagtagumpay sa pagpapaligpit sa akin. I was a threat to them, kahit na wala akong kaalam-alam noon, ganoon na agad ang naging tingin nila.

At hindi rin ako dumalo ng graduation, but I still received my diploma, ipinadala lang ito ng aking ama sa bahay, nangyari ang lahat ng iyon dahil sa kapangyarihan niya. He isolated me from everyone. I’ve been in and out of the country, and with my different name it made it even more difficult for them to find me. Hindi naman din kasi nila alam ang tunay kong pangalan.

“Para saan pa? Para pagsalitaan ako ng masama?”

My hatred has been awakened, muling namumuo ang galit ko. Dahil sa kasakiman nila, nanakaw ang buhay ng aking matalik na kaibigan. For sure, they were not contented. Gusto pa siguro nilang ipaligpit ang tamang tao, at ako ’yon.

“What are you saying, Riley? Of course we were worried. You didn’t come home. Yes, nagkaroon ng usap-usapan tungkol sa… pagiging espiya mo.. pero hindi namin pinaniw—”

“Oh really? Kaya nga namatay ang… ang k-kaibigan ko ’di ba? dahil sa kasakiman niyo!” mabilis kong pinahid ang luhang tumakas, nagmumukha akong mahina dahil dito. “And I was never a spy! And yet you tried to kill me.”

The complete shock in his eyes became so evident. After the tragedy, nagkaroon ng masusing imbestigasyon noon tungkol sa namaril sa amin. The first hunch that it was a mistaken identity, ako talaga ang inutos na barilin. But Kimpoy saved me from those bullets leading to his demise. Walang matimbang na ebidensya ang nakapagturo sa mga Torralba but they were questioned.

“Anong.. Anong pinagsasabi mo, Riley? We can’t do that for fuck’s sake. We’re not the one who ordered to kill you.. that’s..” he can’t find the right words to say. Hindi sila? E ano ’yung narinig ko noong huling gabi ko sa bahay nila?

“I heard your conversation. Umuwi ako noon. At alam ko, narinig ko, you even told Levi to call me to make sure that I was…” that I was dead. Ang masaklap na katotohanang iyon ay hindi ko matanggap.

Legend’s still about to say something but I walked out from him. Hindi ko na mapigilan ang mga luha ko. Kahit gusto kong paniwalaan na baka sakaling hindi sila ang may pakana sa nangyari, I can’t still trust them because they all have the means and the motive to do so!

Taking me down would be a great opportunity. Lalo na noong mga panahong ’yon ay nagpa-plano nang magretire si Richard Graciano, at alam nilang walang papalit dito bukod sa nawawalang anak. At kapag nawala ako sa eksena, ibig sabihin ay lulubog ang pinakamalakas nilang ka-kompetensya. Everything would go smooth with my disappearance.

Bitbit lamang ang coat, wallet at ang cellphone, lumabas ako ng gusali. Whenever I feel exhausted or tired from an all day work, I used to go to the bars and nightclubs just to take my mind off from stress. Sinalubong ako ni Reid at malugod niya akong pinagbuksan ng pintuan.

“Cove Manila.” banggit ko kay Reid upang doon niya ako dalhin.

Kung dati’y lumang itim na van ang gamit nila, ngayon ay mas magara na ang sasakyang gamit. Pumasok ako sa loob ng itim na Chevrolet Tahoe, sa loob ay naroon na si Bruce na naabutan ko pang may katawagan sa telepono. Since they’ve been working for the famous Richard Graciano, now they work under me. Sila ang madalas na kasa-kasama ko kapag aalis ng kompanya, lagi silang nakabuntot at nakasunod saan man ako magpunta.

I heard Reid started the engine and drive out of the parking. Tanging ang puting button-down nalang ang suot ko, ang coat ay itinabi ko sa gitna namin ni Bruce, at buong biyahe ay inabala ko ang sarili sa pagtingin sa paligid na nadadaanan.

Cove Manila is found somewhere in Okada Manila, bandang Parañaque pa kaya medyo malayo pero madalas ako roon dahil sa mga events na dinadaluhan. I’m not really active in social gatherings, pero dahil sa negosyo ay kailangan kong atinan. Hindi rin naman ako madalas magtagal doon, kung may makilala o makakausap ay ’yun lang ang tanging dahilan para manatili ako.

Mabilis ang patakbo ni Reid dahil maluwag ang kalsada, walang gaanong traffic. Bruce would sometimes glance at me, mabilis siyang nakarecover noon mula sa balang tinamo sa kanyang tagiliran.

“May event bang dadaluhan?” tanong niya nang ibaba ang telepono. Dahil nagtatrabaho sila noon para kay Daddy ay lahat ng ginagawa ko outside the office ay nakakarating pa rin sa ama ko.

“Wala naman, gusto ko lang mag-unwind.” nakangusong tugon ko, habang pasulyap-sulyap sa mga gusaling lumalampas sa aking paningin.

“Unwind? Bakit sa Parañaque pa?”

I secretly rolled my eyes at him, Bruce used to be the one who’s more nosy about the things I do while Reid cares about nothing.

“Gusto ko roon, maganda at… malayo sa lahat..” sagot ko na paniguradong hindi niya naintindihan. I heard Reid laughed mockingly in the background stealing his attention.

“Sabi ng Daddy mo ay uuwi ka ngayon sa inyo, hindi nalang siguro tayo magtatagal doon.” aniya tinutukoy ang pupuntahan kong lugar. Wala rin naman akong balak magtagal, mag-a-unwind lang ako at magpapahangin.

Ang sosyal ko naman magpahangin, talagang dinadayo pa?

“Oo na. Uuwi rin, saglit lang tayo do’n.” walang gana kong pagtango para hindi na siya magtanong pa.

After that, hinayaan kong mag-usap ang dalawa tungkol sa mga bagay na sila lang ang nagkakaintindihan, while I mind my own business. The cold gush of wind embraces me, hinatak ko ang coat at ibinalot sa aking sarili. Malakas kasi ang buga ng aircon sa loob ng sasakyan kaya mabilis din akong lamigin.

Mga kalahating oras na biyahe ay nakarating kami sa paroroonan. I went inside the place, sumusunod ang dalawa pero may tamang distansya mula sakin. It’s just too awkward for me to be seen with bodyguards in this modern era, o hindi lang talaga ako sanay?

Dapithapon na kaya marami ng tao sa paligid. May malakas na music at mukhang eksaktong may event na ginaganap sa gitnang podium. There is a huge glass dome at the ceiling, sa gitna ay may malawak na pool, iba’t ibang makukulay na ilaw ang sumasayaw habang tumutugtog ang isang live band. Sakto naman pala ang dating ko!

There is a mini bar setup on the other side, I occupied a stool and ordered a drink. Natural na malamig sa buong paligid kaya isinuot ko na ng buo ang aking coat. The server put a glass of cocktail in front of me, it was a pureed fruit na nagustuhan ko ang lasa no’ng unang beses na makatikim kaya ’yun ang madalas kong order-in.

“Thanks!”

I roamed my eyes around while sipping on my cocktail drink. Masaya at nakakaaliw ang tugtog na nagmumula sa live band. There are local people around, ang iba’y nagsi-swimming pa at mayroon ding mga banyaga na nasa mga pribadong cabana sa itaas na palapag. Mayroon din silang sariling pool doon kung sakaling ayaw nilang makihalo sa mga tao sa big pool sa ibaba.

There are steel structures and roofing that I think was made of glass or acrylic materials, maganda ang pagkakadisenyo ng bawat bahagi. Nasubukan ko na rin noong magcheck-in sa isa sa mga private rooms sa second floor, ’yun nga lang ay may kamahalan talaga ang presyo. But it was worth the stay.

“Alone?”

The unfamiliar voice got my whole attention, tumabi ito sa aking stool at nag-order din ng kanyang inumin. His voice was unfamiliar but his face looks so familiar, though.

“August Dela Vega?” lumingon siya sakin at nginitian ako. He obviously knows that I’m bestfriends with his… with Kimpoy. Smart casual ang kasuotan nito, maganda ang hubog ng katawan dahil sa pagmomodelo.

Bigla ring sumagi sa isip ko ang pagreretong ginawa ni Daddy sa kanyang larawan, uggh that silly old man.

“How are you, Riley? Long time not seeing you.” tinungga niya ang sa tingin kong shot ng vodka.

Kung kanina’y nakaharap ako sa direksyon ng live band, ngayon ay bumalik na ako sa dating posisyon. Facing the shelves of different alcohols in front of me, nag-isip ako ng isasagot sa kanya para sa matagal kong pagkawala.

“I-I’ve been working. I’m doing good, ikaw kumusta ka na? Sina Tito at Tita?” pangungumusta ko sa kanyang pamilya kaya bahagyang lumungkot ang kanyang mukha. Agad din naman niyang binawi nang ngumiti ng pagak.

“Maayos naman sina Mama at Papa, madalas pa rin nilang bisitahin ang puntod ni Kim. And I’m doing great as well with my modelling career…” tugon niya, tumatango sa sariling sinabi.

“By the way, what brought you here?” dagdag ko upang may mapag-usapan pa kami. I ordered another cocktail to the server.

“Ah! I’m with a friend, he’s a photographer. He’s supposed to be with that Torralba pero ’di ko pa sila nakikita..”

Ang iniinom kong cocktail ay naibuga ko. Nagulat si August sa kakaibang reaksyon ko, madali niya akong inabutan ng table napkin.

“W-What did you say?” kinakabahan kong tanong, napako ang tingin sa kanya.

Nagtatakang inalala niya ang huling sinabi. Natagalan pa bago muling ulitin ang kanyang nabanggit.

“I said I’m with a friend?”

I shook my head, eager to repeat his words if what I heard is right.

“Friend?” para akong timang na kailangan pang itanong ’yun sa kanya, dahil malay naman niya kung anong tumatakbo sa isipan ko.

August Dela Vega can’t be friends with him! Wala akong maalalang nagkita sila o magkakilala sila. I crossed my fingers as I anticipate an answer from him.

“Yeah, a friend. His name is Symon and supposed to be with that Torralba. Speaking of him, look there he is!” sabay turo niya pa sa bandang likuran ko.

W-What is happening? Torralba who? Legend? Uhhhh sino pa ba ang Torralba na kilala ko bukod sa dalawang magkapatid?

“Hey!” nakarinig ako ng boses ng lalaki. It was unfamiliar but who knows?! Hindi ako lumingon, at nanigas sa aking kinauupuan. No! Impossible! I can’t be here! I can’t stay here!

Chapter 31 [Expo]

After all, it is not a small world and the possibility of an encounter with him again would be high. But I have to think that he’s not the only Torralba existing in the world, hindi lang siya Riley kaya huwag kang mag-assume masyado riyan!

Opposing my own thoughts, I kept a straight and normal face when I faced the person who called August’s attention.

“Hey, narito ka lang pala.. Kanina ka pa namin hinahanap, e.” some slim guy came and approached the man beside me. Nakuha ko ang atensyon nito, pansin kong maganda ang mga mata nito, at sa paraan ng pananamit ay stylish at masasabi kong may sarili itong fashion statement.

“Symon, ako ang naghahanap sa inyo. Saan ba kayo galing?” nag-usap silang dalawa.

Ang tinawag na Symon ay umokupa ng isang stool sa kabilang gilid ni August, kasunod ang isang matangkad at matipunong lalaki. He has the same built like August, the only distinction is this one is more toned and has this… domineering look on his eyes.

I kept my eyes to myself when the guy named Symon noticed I was looking to the man following him.

“Nagbanyo pa ako saglit, sumunod lang ’tong isa..” tugon nito sa tanong ni August.

Ipinako ko ang aking paningin sa iniinom na cocktail. I sighed lowly, medyo nakahinga ng maluwag sa kaalamang mali ako ng hinala. Of course, why would Leviticus Torralba go to a place like this anyway? It’s not like he’s social or party-goer, he’s always seen in one place and he doesn’t go out much aside from work.

“By the way, Riley this is Symon Monteguido with his husband Troy..” August took the chance to introduce his so-called friends to me, lumingon ako sa gawi nila saktong nakatingin na rin pala sila sakin.

Wait, husband? Is he a… Torralba?

“Symon, Troy, this is Riley uhm…” hindi malaman ni August kung paano niya akong ipapakilala sa dalawang kaibigan gayong ’di niya alam ang tunay at buo kong pangalan.

I extended my hand to the guy named Symon.

“Richard Bailey Graciano, it’s nice to meet you guys..” malugod din namang tinanggap ng mga ito ang kamay ko.

Symon looked so classy but I feel comfortable with him, he doesn’t have much an intense aura unlike the man behind him who’s sitting very close to him. His arm stayed behind Symon’s back in a protective stance. That subtle move reminds me of something, though.

“Wait, Graciano? You’re the Richard Bailey Graciano?” umawang ang labi ni Symon at animo’y may importanteng naalala. The two other guys looked at him, waiting for him to reveal what’s on his mind.

“Y-Yeah, ako nga.”

He snapped his fingers as he remembered something eventually.

“I saw your name in the upcoming business expo, you’re coming right? I’ll be there too!” aniya sa masayang tono, akala mo’y nakahanap ng magiging kaibigan.

Business expo? I have never heard of it. Sa dami rin kasi ng dinadaluhan kong congregations every month, ’di ko na maalala kung may dadaluhan nga ba akong business expo sa susunod. But if what Symon’s telling is true, then it would be just normal for my name to be listed on events like that. Graciano is highly renowned in the industry of construction, pero kailangan kong malaman kay Andrei kung totoo nga bang may aatinan akong expo.

“I-I’m not sure, never heard of that. But I’ll check the invitation, hindi ko lang siguro nakita.” palusot ko na lamang upang hindi mapahiya.

Symon and his… uhm husband talked privately, but August kept me entertained. Panglimang baso ko na ng cocktail nang mapansin ko ang bulto ni Bruce sa hindi kalayuan, tinuturo niya ang kanyang relo, isang senyas na kailangan ko nang umuwi. Naalala ko ang usapan namin na hindi ako magtatagal, bakit nga ba pumayag ako?

“I’m sorry but I have to go. I need to be somewhere else, thanks for the… drink..” paalam ko kay August dahil nag-abala pa itong sagutin ang aking bill.

“Take care, see you around.” naggantihan kami ng tipid na ngiti, kumaway rin ng pahapyaw si Symon bago ako tuluyang makaalis.

The cold gush of air from the airconditioner hit my nostrils again once I got inside the car. Hindi rin naman nagtagal ay pinasimulan ni Reid ang makina at saka namin nilisan ang lugar.

Reminiscing about what happened, I should learn how to remain calm whenever something unexpected comes up. Hindi sa lahat ng oras ay kailangan kong matuliro, kabahan, matakot, o umeskapo. For now, I might not see him but eventually I will. Nakasisiguro ako.

Sinuwerte nalang din siguro ako na si Legend ang nagpapatakbo ngayon sa negosyo nila, hindi ko siguro lubos maisip kapag ang kapatid niya ang biglang sumulpot kanina sa opisina. Baka nahimatay ako nang wala sa oras doon.

Mas mabilis kaysa kanina ang pagdating namin sa Graciano household. Dad would always insist me to come home or settle here for good, pero hindi lang siguro ako sanay na nakatira kasama ang isang buong pamilya. I used to live alone, or live with someone based on my.. history. So it doesn’t sit well with me living with a lot of people under the same roof. That’s just too suffocating for me, I guess.

Graciano household has many househelps, may security guards, maids, may nakamanman din sa surveillance sa buong mansyon at ilang hardinero. The whole mansion looks so modern and a bit victorian, nahaluan nalang ng modern touch dahil sa renovation na ginawa ilang taon pa lang ang nakalilipas.

“Richard Bailey, my son!” boses agad ni Dad ang bumungad sakin pagtungtong ko sa main entrance ng bahay. There are few steps before you get to the main entrance, though. And here he is, mukhang naghintay pa yata sa pagdating ko.

Binalot niya ako ng yakap. Halata na ang mga puting hibla sa kanyang buhok bunga ng katandaan.

“D-Dad, okay na. Di naman kailangang yumakap pa.”

There was a tinge of cheeky smile on his face. Hinatid niya ako patungo sa loob, sinalubong ako ng isang katulong na hiningi ang bitbit kong coat. I handed her the coat as Dad and I went to the dining area, pansin kong nakahain na pala sila ng dinner. Teka, anong oras na ba?

“Hinintay ka talaga namin bago maghapunan. Manang, pakitawag na ang mga bata.” utos ni Dad sa kadarating na katulong.

Hindi pa man ako nakakaupo ay dumating ang asawa ni Dad na si Valentina Graciano, na sa lakad at aura pa lang ay mai-intimidate ka na. Her moves are so nimble with a bit of sophistication, kahit ganitong oras na ay naka-postura pa rin.

“Good evening, po.” bati ko sa kanya.

She doesn’t usually smile a lot, tumatango lang ito kapag babatiin o kakausapin. It feels to me that she doesn’t really like my presence a lot, kaya ’di rin ako nananatili rito ng matagal sa kadahilanang iyon.

Dad gestured me to occupy a seat while waiting for other people to join us. Sa kabisera naupo si Dad, sa kanang gilid niya ay ang asawa. Sa kabila naman ako naka-pwesto. Ilang minuto lang ay bumaba ang dalawa nilang anak.

Rocco Graciano is five years younger than me, he has a background in business, I don’t know why his father isn’t placing him in training yet or maybe he has other plans for him. But Rocco is casual with me so I don’t really have much to say about him. Kasunod ay ang nakababatang kapatid na si Ramona Graciano, she’s still in college and I’m much more like her when I was her age.

“Ram, come take a seat..” utos ng ina kaya tumabi ang anak na babae sa kanya. Ang natirang si Rocco ay sa akin tumabi.

I feel so awkward to have dinner with them, hindi ko sigurado kung ganoon rin ba ang pakiramdam nila, iisa lang ang nag-eenjoy at si Dad ’yun dahil sa lapad ng ngiti habang nakatitig sa aming lahat.

We started eating and normal conversations were initiated. Tahimik lamang ako, nasasali lamang sa usapan kapag tatanungin ako ni Dad. His wife or children don’t seem to like establishing a conversation with me, pero hindi rin naman big deal sakin dahil hindi ko rin naman sila ramdam.

“Dad, it’s just one night. Para ’yun sa project namin, it’s a must!” giit ni Ramona sa kanyang mga magulang tungkol sa pagpapaalam para sa isang overnight.

“Anong project ba ’yan, iha?” Dad asked while mustering the food in his mouth.

“Mom, nasabi ko na kahapon pa. You didn’t tell Dad?” baling ng anak sa ina na napahinto sa pagkain at sinimangutan ang anak.

“I’m sorry, anak. I forgot about that. Richard, payagan mo na ang anak mo tutal ay isang gabi lang naman siguro..” Valentina put one of her hands on Dad’s arm.

“Alright, but I’ll send Gary with you..”

“Dad?! I don’t need bodyguards! Malaki na ako!”

“Ram, don’t raise your voice. Nasa harap tayo ng pagkain.” suway ni Rocco sa nakababatang kapatid.

The whole time, I was just listening to their voices. Minsang masisingit ang usapan tungkol sa trabaho kung kaya’t nasasali na naman ako sa usapan.

“I just had a meeting ealier today with the Del Grandes.” balita ko nang tanungin ni Dad ang nangyari sa araw ko sa opisina.

I looked down and played with the broccolis on my plate. Masarap ang mga putahe na nakahain dahil may sarili pa silang chef sa bahay na ito. Ang tipikal nilang dinner ay parang sa mga okasyon ko lang natitikman noon. I realized their lifestyle is really just way dfferent with how I lived before. Even though still some rich people don’t really enjoy luxuriance, gaya ng mga taong nasa isipan ko ngayon na ayaw ko nang banggitin pa.

“Did it end well? How was it?”

Dad’s question stayed on my mind. Di ko rin mapigilang gunitain ang nangyari kanina sa meeting room at kung paano ako tinabla ni Legend Torralba.

“I-It was fine. I’ll set another huddle next time, I still have propositions for them.” tipid akong ngumiti, ginantihan ng ngiti ni Dad ngunit mas malawak nga lang ang kanya.

“Another? So it didn’t go smooth with them?” puna ni Rocco, namangha ako dahil napansin niya pa ang detalyeng iyon sa mga salita ko.

Richard Graciano looked astonished but his expression went back to normal eventually.

“Del Grandes are hard to persuade in terms of… business matters..” komento naman ni Valentina Graciano, mas lalo akong namangha ngayong may nasabi sila tungkol doon. Like what I said, they don’t participate much in conversations when I’m being involved, but now they seemed… interested.

“It went… a bit difficult..” naghanap ako ng tamang salita.

“Difficult? You mean…” Rocco interrupted me.

“Yes, it was. But business doesn’t stop at one failure, I just have to try again to convince them.” mabuti na lamang at nakabawi ako.

“See? That’s my son!” puri ni Dad, na pinalangin kong hindi nalang sana niya binanggit pa. It might sound offending to… the other people surrounding the table..

Natahimik ang lahat, hanggang matapos ay si Dad lang ang maingay. I spent the night at their household and the next morning, maaga akong nagising. I decided to jog for thirty minutes, nagshower lamang ako at tumungo na sa kompanya. Hindi ko na naisipang doon mag-breakfast dahil ’di ko na yata kayang sumabay pa ulit sa pagkain.

It was a sunny day, hinatid ako ni Reid at Bruce patungo sa trabaho. Tatlong hakbang mula sa elevator ay nakatanggap na agad ako ng tawag. Nang mabasa ang pangalan ng kaibigan ay agad ko rin itong sinagot.

“Gael!”

“Good morning, nasa office ka na?”

Pinindot ko ang elevator buttons, mahigpit ang pagkakahawak sa cellphone na nakatutok sa aking tainga.

“Yeah, just got here.. What’s up, ano kailan ka magsisimula?” pag-assume ko upang makumbinsi siya sa alok na trabaho.

“I just signed the contract, but I still have questions. Maaari ba akong dumaan diyan ngayon, Riley?” mariin akong nakinig sa kabilang linya.

I went inside the lift when the doors opened.

“Oo naman! Daanan mo nalang ako sa opisina ko. Agahan mo lang dahil baka may gagawin na ako kung mamaya pa.”

“Okay. I’ll be there!”

The call ended so fast. Nagmadali rin akong dumaan sa usual hallway, madalas kong madaanan ang ilang cubicles bago makarating sa tamang silid.

“Good morning, Sir!”

“Morning.”

“Richard Bailey, darling!” I smiled to Dorothy.

Like the usual routine and exchanges of short chitchats, I pushed the door to my office. Wala pang limang minuto ang pananatili ko roon ay iniluwa ng pintuan si Andrei na bitbit ang kanyang macbook air.

“In an hour, you’ll be joining the projects division. Your presence is also requested by the.. uhm..” he kept on scrolling on his monitor. “By the structure engineers and their foremen regarding the materials they solicited..”

Nakinig ako sa lahat ng binabasa niya sa kanyang laptop. I took it all down on my own memory, habang ginagawa iyon ay nagbrowse ako ng aking emails.

“Was there any invitation for a business expo, Andrei? Hindi ko makita sa email ko.” I scrolled down to the oldest email I’ve received this week, but there was nothing I could find.

“Oh! That business expo, it was forwarded to a temporary email, inaayos pa ng mga ITs ang access mo kasi kakabago mo lang no’ng nakaraan.”

Tinanguan ko siya nang malamang ganoon pala. Lumapit siya sa akin at inilahad ang macbook sa harapan ko, revealing the invitation for the upcoming event.

“When is that?”

I looked at the date below. So it’s gonna happen… wait what? tomorrow? kaagad?

“That is scheduled tomorrow.” ulit pa niya kahit na nabasa ko na bago pa niya sabihin.

I don’t think I have a big or important appointment tomorrow aside from this event that I just knew. Andrei took back the macbook and pulled up something attached on the email.

“Is it subject for reschedule?”

Nabigo ako nang mapagtantong walang kwenta ang tanong ko, it’s a business expo Riley, gaano ka kaimportante para ipagpaliban nila para sa’yo? Anak ka ng diyos?

“Nope, I believe you’re not the only one who’s invited. I mean, invited ang lahat ng bigating personalidad sa larangan ng business. And you’re the only representative of the Gracianos so you should come..” ani Andrei na nakatitig sa akin na para akong pinapayuhan sa isang bagay na ’di ko pa alam.

“Can you check if who’s the representative for.. uhh.. for the T-Torralba Builders?” nahihiyang tanong ko. May ideya naman ako kung sino pero hindi na masamang manigurado.

“Hmm let me see…” may pinindot siya roon. “Torralba Builders Inc, their representative is Legend Amedeus Torralba. Oh? Siya ’yong narito kahapon ’di ba?” mula sa screen ay lumipat sakin ang tingin niya, I tried to evade his eyes.

Kumalma naman ako nang malamang tama ang hinala ko. Legend is the one who’s manipulating everything, he’s the one who’s in the zone now so I’m gonna have my peace of mind. Mas mabuti nang siya kaysa…

Later that day, dinaluhan ko ang lahat ng nasa schedule ko. Inasikaso ko rin ang pagpirma sa mga papeles na naka-pending sa aking desk, nag-approve ng ilang requests sa mga materyales at tauhan, pagkatapos ng lahat ng iyon ay saglit akong nagpahinga. I was resting when I heard from Andrei that Gamaliel Arciaga is already at the office.

“Na-miss mo ako?” ngiting nakakaloko ang binungad niya sakin nang magkasalubong kami sa hallway.

“Ewan ko sa’yo, Gael. Halika na!”

Inasikaso ko siya at inihatid sa engineering division, ipinakilala sa mga senior engineers at ilang baguhan din kagaya niya. Iniwan ko siya sandali roon nang sagutin ko ang tawag ni Dad.

“Hello, dad?”

“I heard you’re attending an expo tomorrow?”

Paano nakarating sa kanya ang balitang ’yon? Umiling ako ng marahan, naalalang mabilis nga pala ang dating ng balita pagdating sa kanya.

“Yes, dad. Bukas na ’yon pero kanina ko lang nalaman. Anyway, wala rin naman akong magagawa.”

Lumabas ako ng engineering division, maraming nakapansin sa paglabas ko ngunit ’di na nag-abalang bumati dahil may kausap ako sa telepono.

“Perfect! You’re gonna represent our name there. I’m also going to send someone to accompany you.” aniya sa kakaibang tono.

Ang tinutukoy niya ba ay sina Reid at Bruce? Mag-aaccompany sa akin? Sino? Kung ang personal bodyguards ko naman ay sa tingin ko’y hindi na niya kailangan pang sabihin. Pero may kakaiba akong pakiramdam ngayon.

“W-Who?”

“Basta, anak! You’re gonna enjoy your time tomorrow, I will make sure. O sige na, ibaba mo na at baka naaabala na kita.”

I rolled my eyes in confusion. What is this? Bakit malakas ang pakiramdam kong may irereto na naman siya sakin?

Mabilis na lumipas ang mga oras. Sumapit na agad ang kinabukasan, kung saan kailangan kong dumalo ng isang business expo. It’s supposed to start in the afternoon kung kaya’t naisipan kong tumungo muna sa opisina bandang umaga.

“Oh! They just updated the list of the invited people..” naririnig ko ang wika ni Andrei, nasa receiving couch siya habang nakatutok sa kanyang laptop samantalang ako ay nagre-review ng aming quarterly budget.

I kept on reading.

“Wala namang nabago, they just scratched out a name. It looks like… Legend Amedeus Torralba of Torralba Builders won’t be attending..”

Awtomatikong napaangat ako ng ulo at huminto sa pagbabasa nang marinig ang sinabi niya. Nakatitig pa rin si Andrei roon sa monitor ng macbook niya.

“Legend Torralba? Why is that?” kunot-noong tanong ko.

“I don’t know but his name is scratched out from the master list. But I heard from some source that.. that he’s outside the country right now, kaya siguro ’di makakadalo..”

Outside the country? Bakit ’di niya nabanggit sakin no’ng nakaraan? Well, is he supposed to share it to me? So who’s gonna represent their name at the expo?

“Baka walang um-attend sa kanila, wala rin naman papalit kung sakali.” dugtong niya sa sinasabi.

My lips rose into a smile. I know Del Grandes will definitely be there, and if Legend won’t show up, then it just means that I can continue my agenda with them. I can finally persuade the Del Grandes with Legend’s absence.

Kailangan kong samantalahin ang pagkakataong ito! Hangga’t walang hadlang. Hangga’t walang maaaring pumigil at tumabla sa akin. I don’t care if Legend owns half of the Del Grande’s stocks and other assets, but I would absolutely turn the tables!

Damn.

“B-Bakit ka nakangiti, Sir?” naagaw ni Andrei ang atensyon ko kaya napawi ang ngiti kong hindi na namalayan.

“N-Nothing.”

I secretly celebrated deep inside. Kung kanina’y bagot, ngayon ay excited na ako at parang gusto ko pang dumalo nang mas maaga kumpara sa nakatakdang oras. It will definitely be… interesting. I can’t wait to be there!

Chapter 32 [Clueless]

The business expo is held at The Manila Hotel and I got there an hour early because of my excitement. I drove all the way here by my own car, hinatid lamang ako nina Reid at Bruce habang naka-convoy sila sakin. Before I went here, nagtungo muna ako sa aking condo unit, yeah I have my own unit, at doon ako nagprepara para sa gaganaping okasyon.

Walking down the halls of the historical-looking hotel, I’m sporting a burgundy armani suit, bitbit ang isang box ng bin-ake kong apple pie. Of course, I know that there will be a lot of food that’s going to be served, but this is just one of my tricks so that I can get close to the Del Grandes.

The best way to get to every man’s heart is through his stomach, iyon ang pinanghahawakan ko at ’yun ang gagawin ko!

“This way, Sir..” sumalubong sa akin ang isang babaeng staff upang ituro ang daan, sumunod lang ako sa kanya.

Kahit isang oras pa bago magsimula ang event ay may mangilan-ngilang tao na rin sa lugar, mga bisita, ang iba’y mukhang turista, bukod sa mga staff, ang ilang nakasuot ng eleganteng kasuotan ay alam kong pareho sa aking dadaluhan.

Nagkaroon ng saglit na verification process sa mga dumalo, hindi nagtagal ay pinapasok ako sa loob. Sinuri ko ang oras sa aking relos at nalamang kinse minutos pa lamang ang nakalipas. Bumaba ako at nakarating sa main venue. It was held on an open roof area, nagmukhang garden na dinisenyuhan ng mga intrikanteng ilaw at palamuti. There are bushes around on every corner, malamig din ang temperatura gawa ng malawak na swimming pool sa gitna. Malawak at maraming nakaset-up na tables sa mga gilid, at nilatagan ng pulang carpet ang main aisle. The whole place looks majestic with a touch of antiquity.

Lumapit ako sa nakahilerang buffet table, may iilang servants na roon na aking kinausap.

“Excuse me.” pagtawag ko sa pansin ng isang babaeng nagulat sa pag-approach ko.

“Y-Yes, Sir? Can I help you?”

I smiled sweetly and showed the box that I was bringing. I handed it to her and told her tasks on what she’s going to do with it.

“Apple pie, Sir?” puna niya nang silipin ang loob ng box.

Tumango ako bilang sagot. Hindi nagtagal ang aming pag-uusap dahil madali naman niyang nakuha ang lahat ng aking iniutos.

Dahil mahaba pa ang natitirang oras ay nagtungo muna ako sa banyo. I washed my hands on the lavatory, in front of me is a wide mirror, maganda ang reflection ko roon dahil sa anggulo ng ilaw sa itaas. I finger-combed my hair, I put some pomade on it when I was at the condo to make it look appealing. I still have this paper white skin, madampian lang ng bahagya ay mabilis na mamumula. I looked up to see my hazel-brown eyes with sweeeping lashes, with the products and proper hygiene I used to do, nagbunga ang lahat ng ito.

Para akong timang na inamoy ang sarili. I didn’t spray any perfume on me, sapat na ang halimuyak ng bubble baths na ginamit ko noong nagbabad ako sa tub kanina para maging mabango ako. I smell like a mixture of vanilla and lavender, the same scent I used before because I grew fond of it.

Nang makuntento ay lumabas ako ng men’s comfort room at saka nagpasyang bumalik na roon sa main venue. Compared to the few people earlier, ngayon ay nadagdagan na at unti-unti nang dumarami ang mga tao. Since it’s an open roof, tanaw ko ang kalangitang kinakain na ng kadiliman. Darkness. I used to hate it before. It just doesn’t give a positive vibes to me, hindi ko alam o siguro’y may iba akong naaalala tungkol doon.

Every table there were chairs covered in pure linen fabrics, ang maliit na detalyeng iyon ay talaga namang nagsusumigaw ng karangyaan. At bawat upuan ay may naka-designate na mga pangalan. Out of curiosity, hinanap ko ang aking designated seat na katabi ng mga pangalang hindi ko kilala. Hinanap ko rin ang designated seats ng Del Grandes. Lumingon ako sa paligid at tinignan ang abalang mga staff at ilang personalidad na bagong dating. Pasimple kong hinatak ang aking upuan at inilipat iyon sa table ng mga Del Grandes.

Magnifico! I secretly hid my smile. So everything is all set, I guess? Katabi ng upuan ko ang sa mga Del Grandes, kaya hindi ako mahihirapang tumuloy sa aking plano.

Few couple minutes before the programme to start, a mellow jazz music played in the background. Kumpara kanina, ngayon ay mas marami na ang mga tao sa paligid. Kanya-kanya ng elegante at marangyang kasuotan, hindi nagpapatalo, nakikipag-usap sa mga nakikilala, ito ang madalas na eksena sa mga dinadaluhan kong events kaya nasanay na ako.

Business expo. I suppose almost all of the renowned and popular names in business will be here tonight. I know Graciano is one of the most famous name in the industry of construction in the country, may ilan rin akong kilala sa parehong larangan pero sa ibang industriya ay wala na. Kaya halos lahat ng matatanaw ko ay bago sa paningin ko.

I checked my phone out of boredom. Lumingon ako sa paligid at saka tumayo. Umalis muna ako sa kinauupuan at nagtungo sa isang sulok kung saan naka-setup ang isang mini bar. I ordered a cocktail, the same flavor I like. Sumandal ako sa isang gilid at saka tinungga ang isang shot glass. Now, I feel my nerves getting awakened.

“Thank you!” banggit ko sa bartender bago ito lisanin.

Mas dumami pa lalo ang tao. At ang kalangitan ay tuluyan nang kinain ng kadiliman. Maliwanag ang mga ilaw kaya kitang-kita ko hanggang dito sa distansya ko ang malaking podium na nasa unahan.

I strolled beside the pool area, crystal blue water is refreshing and relaxing.

With phone on my hand, I walked back to get to my table not until I bumped into someone. Naramdaman ko ang matigas na bahagi sa likuran ko, I was out of my own misery when I tripped into his shoes and awkwardly went out of balance. Napanganga ako sa gulat at takot. Muntik na akong mahulog sa lupa kung hindi lang ako nasalo ng taong nasa likuran ko.

“Careful..” he whispered huskily.

That voice is so manly and feels like home. Wait what? I looked up to see the man holding my waist tightly for me not to fall. I met a pair of two dark, menacing but beautiful eyes.

It didn’t take me a minute to realize who it was. The way he holds my back, the way his perfectly chiseled jaw shifted, the way his eyes are stuck on mine, the slight touch of his hand on my back feels nostalgic but terrifying at the same time.

Enough of the description, I stood up and regained my composure. I was expecting for Legend Torralba’s absence tonight, but no one told me that Leviticus Amedeo Torralba would be here! Fuck!

Nagtagal kami sa ganoong posisyon, he moved closer and when I noticed that he’s sniffing something, I pushed him back. Sa pagdikit ng kamay ko sa kanyang dibdib ay para akong nakuryente.

Hindi nagtagal ang tingin niya sakin, yumuko siya at saglit na may pinulot sa kung saan. Sa sobrang bilis ng pangyayari ay hindi ko namalayan kung paano niya inabot sakin ang aking cellphone.

“Phone?” tanong nito, kumpirmadong nahulog ito kanina sa lupa nang mawalan ako ng balanse.

My heart beats frantically and my hands started to get sweaty. With shaky and unstable hands, inabot ko ang aking cellphone sa kamay niya. That’s the time that confusion hits me as to how he was able to search it on the ground.

Paanong…. how did he…

His eyes levelled on mine, directly, walang mintis, walang daplis, eksaktong eksakto sa mga mata ko nakatitig siya. I covered my mouth in shock. It was always mind-blowing whenever I look at his eyes before, but now that he’s the one looking at me breathtakingly, it made me think that he’s not… blind at all.. and he can see through me..

Or maybe I was just hallucinating?

I was completely speechless. What happened?

Walang pag-aatubiling tinalikuran ko siya roon at nagmartsa pabalik sa aking table. There were two guys already sitting around it, hindi ko kilala pero sa tingin ko’y tanyag din.

I took that opportunity to catch my breath. What just happened? Why is he here? Bakit hindi siya nagpasabi? I mean, sana man lang nakarating sa akin ang balita ’di ba? At paano niya nahanap ang phone ko? Did he magically cured his vision? Nagpagamot? Nagpa-opera? Anong ginawa niya?

Ang daming katanungan sa utak ko. Nakawala lamang ako sa pag-iisip nang dumating ang mga Del Grandes. As I expected, magkasama ang magpinsang inhinyero. They wore same colored suits, gulat ang mga mata ni Engr. Sawyer nang matagpuan ako sa kanilang designated table.

“Mr. Graciano!” nagbatian kami.

Sa gilid niya ay ang pinsang si Engr. Weston na malugod ko ring kinamayan. Nakatayo sila sa aking harapan kaya sinamantala ko ang pagkakataong iyon upang magpakitang gilas at kalimutan ang nakasalamuha kanina.

“Where are your seats guys?” tanong ko sa kanila kahit na alam ko na ang kasagutan doon. Silly me!

“Over here, mabuti pala at magkakasalo lang tayo sa iisang table..” natutuwang banggit ni Weston habang dumadaan sila sa likuran ko.

They occupied the vacant chairs designated for them. Katabi ko si Sawyer, sa kabila naman niya si Weston.

“Oo nga e, buti nalang..” ngumiti ako ng magalak sa kanila. Mabuti nalang talaga at maaga ako rito at nagawan ko ng paraan na ilipat ang upuan ko sa table nila!

The programme started. Iilang personalidad nalang ang hinihintay, may mangilan-ngilang upuan nalang ang bakante pa rin, gaya ng natitirang upuan sa table namin. A host started the event, may ilang speaker at tanyag na panauhin ang bumati sa mga dumalo.

“Over here, Sir..” sa isang banda ko ay napansin ko ang isang lalaking staff, pero hindi iyon ang mas nakakuha ng atensyon ko kundi ang nakasunod ritong si Leviticus. The male staff gestured the remaining vacant chair on our table.

W-Wait! Anong nangyayari?!

“Thank you.” nagpasalamat siya roon sa staff at walang pakundangang inokupa ang upuan na sa kamalas-malasan ay katapat pa ng akin.

WHAT IN THE WORLD IS HAPPENING?

Is that his designated seat? How come… How come I never saw his name on that fricking chair?! Kung napansin ko iyon kanina edi sana nailipat ko ’yan sa pinakamalayong table! Pero huli na ang lahat! I have to share the same table with him, the Del Grandes, and two other guys I’m not familiar with.

Nagtama ang paningin namin, agad akong nag-iwas ng tingin nang makilala niya.

Without any help from anyone, nagawa rin niyang umupo nang hindi nangangapa man lang. He even poured a wine on a glass served in front of him without any mistake and freely sipped on it! His moves were so smooth and gentle, ’yung tipong alam na alam niya ang kanyang ginagawa.

“The mighty Leviticus Torralba, we’re not expecting to see you here tonight..” narinig kong bigkas ni Sawyer sa aking gilid.

“What made you come?” Weston asked.

Mabibigat ang mga tinging ipinukol ni Levi sa dalawa.

“Legend’s abroad, so…” aniya hindi tinapos ang mga salita dahil madaling naintindihan.

Kung nandidito siya, ibig sabihin lang ay siya ang proxy ni Legend. Of course! Paanong hindi sumagi sa isip ko ’yon? O talagang hindi ko lang in-expect na dadalo siya?

A speaker at the front continued his speech and discussion. Mariing nakikinig ang lahat doon, maging si Levi ay naroon din ang mga mata. He’s watching? Fuck! Ano na, Riley? Kating-kati na akong kausapin siya at batuhin ng mga katanungan pero alam kong hindi ko pwedeng gawin ’yon. I should be thinking about my revenge on him, pero heto ako at pinagmamasdan siya ng palihim.

Bunga ng tatlong taong nakalipas, malaki rin ang pinagbago niya. At kung drop-dead gorgeous na siya noon, ngayon ay mas lumala! His frames are more massive and his aura is more intimidating. Bawat bahagi ng mukha niya ay pinagmasdan ko.

Dahil kanina pa akong nakatingin sa mukha niya, ngayon ko nalang napansin ang kasuotan niya. He’s wearing a black coat, I don’t know if it’s Gucci or Dolce & Gabbana, all I know is that it looks expensive. Tamang-tama ang sukat nito sa pangangatawan niya at komplikado ang mga disenyo nito. That outfit and his sophisticatingly slicked hair made him appear so commanding and domineering.

Magdurugo na yata ang labi ko sa kakakagat doon. Funny that I still have time to check him out, almost forgetting about my agenda with the Del Grandes.

Nang ’di ako mapakali ay tumayo ako sa kinauupuan at lumakad sa hindi kalayuan. Nasa paningin ko pa rin si Leviticus habang dinidial ko ang numero ni Andrei.

“Oh! Sir, you need something?” bungad nito nang sagutin ang tawag ko.

“Look for Legend Torralba’s personal contact details, now..” utos ko sa kanya.

“For what, Sir?”

“Hindi na mahalaga ’yon, Andrei! Just goddamn look for his number!” gigil kong tugon upang hindi na siya magtanong pa. Narinig ko ang pagmamadali niya sa background, I heard him typing something on his computer.

“I-I forwarded his number on your cell.”

“Alright. Thanks.” mabilis kong ibinaba ang tawag at saka lumingon sa paligid, people are still busy listening to the speaker in the podium.

Nang matanggap ang numero ay kaagad ko rin itong tinawagan. Placing the phone on my ear again while I eyed our table, Leviticus is silent but his presence is exceptional. Habang naghihintay ay napansin ko ang pagtunog ng telepono ni Levi, he mouthed sorry to the people around him before he answered the call.

“Leviticus Torralba, speaking…” aniya na narinig ko rin sa kabilang linya ng tinatawagan ko. I blinked twice and looked at the number I was calling.

“Hello?” dagdag niya.

Nagpalipat-lipat ang tingin ko sa aking cellphone at kay Levi. Is this…. Is this his number?

Binalik ko ang telepono sa aking tainga upang mapakinggan ulit ang kanyang boses ngunit ’di na siya nagsasalita. Nang mapagtanto kong ganoon nga ang nangyayari ay napatingin sa gawi ko si Leviticus, pareho kaming nasa tainga ang telepono. Sa pagkakataranta ay umakto akong nagsasalita at may kausap sa kabilang linya, pero walang boses. Para lamang hindi siya mag-isip ng kung ano.

Fucking Andrei!

Mababaliw na ako sa mga pinaggagawa ko! Nagawa ko pang magpanggap na may kausap talaga ako para lang hindi siya makahalata! Good god!

I ended the call and called Andrei’s number again, nagpupuyos ako sa galit nang sagutin niya.

“I said Legend Torralba not the other… fuck..” nagpigil ako dahil hiyang-hiya na ako sa sarili at pakiramdam ko’y lulubog na ako sa lupa dahil sa kahihiyan.

Leviticus slowly puts his phone down, brows furrowed wondering who’s the one who called him and why no one was speaking.

“Oh! I-I’m sorry, dalawa kasi ang nakalagay na contact number sa profile niya. Mali ba ’yong una? Let’s try the second one..”

Bumuntong hininga ako ng malala nang muling matanggap ang finorward na numero. I closed my eyes for a moment and called the second number.

Nakatatlong ring pa ito bago sagutin.

“Hello? Legend Torralba on the line..”

FINALLY! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! TUMAMA RIN ANG TAWAG KO!

“Uhm, si R-Riley ’to. I heard you’re outside the country?” dahil sa nangyaring kahihiyan kanina ay nangapa pa ako ng mga salita ngayong kausap ko na ang tamang tao.

“Yes, I’m in Hongkong right now for an assembly. Bakit napatawag ka?”

Tumingala ako at nanalanging kumalma ang aking sarili. Kanina lang ay excited ako at buo na ang mga plano ko sa aking utak tungkol sa proposal sa mga Del Grandes, pero pinahihirapan ako ng presensya ng kanyang kapatid!

“I attended the business expo, ngayon ’yun at hindi ko inaasahang dadalo si… ang kapatid mo.. M-May alam ba siya tungkol sakin? I mean… now that I’m a different per—”

“No, Riley. He doesn’t have any clue about your new life and you being a Graciano.” aniya na ikinagimbal ko.

Legend didn’t tell him? Kung gayon, ano lang ang nalalaman nito tungkol sakin? Kaya ba wala siyang masyadong reaksyon nang magtagpo ang landas namin kanina?

“You didn’t tell him?” pag-uulit ko, hindi makumbinsi sa unang pagkakataon.

“Yes, Riley. And as much as I like to tell him, alam kong ayaw mong mangyari ’yun. You want to live a peaceful life kaya ka nga umalis ’di ba? This way, he won’t bother you..”

Kung ganoon, itong kapatid niya rito ay walang kaalam-alam sa totoong disposisyon ko ngayon? He doesn’t know my relation with the Gracianos, more likely that I want it to stay that way, there’s something in me that feels.. uneasy.

“Alright. But I just noticed that.. he’s acting… w-weird.” bulong ko habang pasulyap-sulyap sa aming table.

“What do you mean weird?”

Kanina ko pa siya pinagmamasdan at mayroon talagang ideyang nabubuo sa utak ko na ayaw ko lang paniwalaan dahil parang hindi ako sanay na… gano’n siya..

“He’s… acting.. w-what happened to him within those years that I was gone?” hindi ko ma-pinpoint kung ano, kaya mas mabuti sigurong kay Legend ko na mismo malaman iyon.

“Well…” narinig ko ang malalim na paghinga niya sa kabilang linya. “Did he approach you?”

Umiling-iling ako. “H-Hindi naman.”

“You mean by weird is… you feel like he can see through you?”

Napalunok ako. Nakuha niya ang gusto kong ipakahulugan kanina pa. The idea about his brother getting back his vision is such a terrifying thought, for me, on one side maybe I’m just overreacting.

“Y-Yeah.”

Legend went silent for a moment before he told everything I wasn’t aware of over the past years.

“Well, two years after your disappearance he underwent a corneal transplant. For a long time we thought it wasn’t possible, but there came a donor and the doctors repaired his vision, he was lucky that his optic nerve or something was still useful so the transplant went successful, restoring his vision. And he received treatment for months.. So yes, he can perfectly see you now Riley..”

Treatment? It was the treatment Andrei was talking about!

I coughed for a moment, habang tinatanggap ang katotohanang iyon. Hinilot ko ang aking sintido. This is getting stressful. Now that I learned about that, I finally got the big picture. Walang ideya si Leviticus kung anong hitsura ko, wala rin siyang alam sa tunay kong pangalan, wala siyang alam kahit isa!

He’s totally clueless which makes it easier for me, I think. Wala siyang kahit anong ebidensya para matukoy na ako ang dating Riley na nakilala niya, unless Legend would admit it to him, pero malabong mangyari ’yon.

Dahil sa kaisipang ’yon ay nakahinga na ako ng maluwag. Hindi naman pala dapat akong mangamba dahil hindi niya ako makikilala kahit pa nakakakita na siya ngayon.

He might be able to see me now but he’s still blind about the new version of Riley in front of him. His presence tonight shouldn’t be worried about, I just need to keep silent and not do things he knows about the old me.

I realized, our situation didn’t really change much. It’s still the same. Blind or not, he’s just seeing the new Richard Bailey Graciano, not the Riley he used to know.

Chapter 33 [Similar]

I summoned all the spirits to recover my equilibrium while walking back to the designated table. Tapos nang magbigay ng speech ang unang speaker sa harapan, may sumunod na babaeng speaker na medyo may katandaan na, kabig-kabig ang dibdib na in-occupy ko ang upuan ko.

Sawyer noticed my sudden comeback.

“You okay?” bulong nito, pahapyaw ang tingin ni Leviticus sa aming dalawa, hindi na yata nakikinig sa nagsasalita sa harapan.

“Ye—” I stopped and bit my tongue, inaalalang hindi nga pala ako maaaring magsalita sa harap ng isa riyan. He might identify my voice so I need to keep my mouth shut.

Napansin ko ang pagkalito ni Sawyer sa sagot kong hindi natapos, kung kaya’t tumango nalang ako bilang tugon. Evading someone’s stare, ipinirmi ko ang mga mata sa harapan at nagkunwaring nakikinig sa discussion.

“We never thought that Legend would be outside the country, kaya rin pala nagmamadali siya no’ng umalis noong huling kita namin.” narinig kong panimula ni Weston, nakuha ang atensyon ni Leviticus dahil sa napag-usapang kapatid.

Kumunot ang noo niya sa narinig.

“Huling kita?” kuryosong tanong ni Levi, bumaling sa kausap.

“Yeah, we were at the Gracianos the last time. Oh! Speaking of, have you two met?” wika ni Sawyer na bumaling naman sa akin at pagkatapos ay kay Leviticus, making him gazed at my direction once again.

I inhaled deeply while in the middle of process of recollecting my thoughts. Nang wala silang narinig sa akin ay muling nagsalita si Sawyer.

“This is Richard Bailey Graciano of Graciano Constructions, we and your brother met him two days ago..” pakilala ni Sawyer sakin, muntik na akong maubo pero pinigilan ko.

I remained calm, hindi naman ako dapat mangamba dahil hindi naman niya alam ang tunay kong pangalan noon. Ano ba, Riley? Pahalata ka masyado! Ano, hanggang ngayon rurupok ka pa rin sa unggoy na ’yan?

Hindi ako marupok, I told myself that.

“Leviticus Amedeo Torralba, pleasure to meet you..” sa hindi ko inaasahang pagkakataon, he approached me and even offered his hand for an expected handshake. Tinitigan ko lang ’yun, napansin niya ang pagtagal ng titig ko roon kaya sumimsim ako at tinanggap ’yon.

It’s just a split second, though. Naiwan pa sa ere ang kanyang kamay nang bitawan ko ito. Nasisiraan na siguro ako ng ulo para isiping baka makilala niya ako kapag nahawakan niya ang anumang bahagi ng katawan ko.

He seemed a bit amused with what I did, unti-unti niyang binaba ang kamay at mariing tumingin sakin. He’s probably confused why I didn’t say anything to him.

Bumaling ako sa dalawang inhinyerong katabi ko na naging abala na sa pag-uusap tungkol sa dini-discuss sa harapan. Pasulyap-sulyap pa rin sa gawi ko si Leviticus samantalang pilit na pilit ang leeg kong nakapirmi sa harapan, malakas ang pakiramdam kong stiff neck ang resulta nito mamaya.

Itinuon ko ang pansin sa babaeng speaker na nakatayo sa podium. Her voice can be heard around the whole place because of the speakers installed on every edge, I roamed my eyes around trying to find someone familiar… I thought Symon Monteguido would be here, pero ’di ko pa siya nakikita mula kanina, o baka aligaga lang talaga ako kaya ’di ko na napansin?

The speech lasted for an hour. There were a brief presentations from the hotel’s staff, may mga nagsayaw at tumugtog ng tradisyonal na sayaw at awitin, they even wore traditional costumes. Maingay ang mga tao dahil sa tuwa sa panonood samantalang kapag ngingiti ako ay agad ding napapawi dahil sa taong nasa harapan ko.

Hours passed, natahimik na ang buong lugar at bumalik ang marahang saliw ng jazz music sa background. Everyone stood up for a break, ang iba’y nagtungo sa banyo at ang iba’y tumungo na sa buffet table upang kumuha ng pagkain.

“We’re just gonna go to the comfort room, dito ka lang ba?” paalam ng tumayong si Sawyer kasama si Weston.

I shook my head, magsasalita sana ako pero naalalang hindi na pala kailangan. Upang hindi sila ma-weirdohan ay inginuso ko nalang ang direksyon ng buffet table.

“Okay, Wes let’s go.” Sawyer left me a smile before they vanished from my sight.

Pansin kong nanatili lang si Leviticus sa kanyang kinauupuan kaya tumayo ako at nagpasyang magtungo sa buffet table, ayaw ko ngang maiwan kasama niya. Baka himatayin pa ako roon… sa galit..

There was a long table set in the far end of the place, mayroong mga naka-unipormeng servers doon. There were too many people at the banquet, pero para lang makalayo roon sa unggoy ay mas okay pa na makikipagsiksikan ako rito.

There were so many different dishes on every trays and chafing dishes, enggrande ang mga putaheng nakahain. Kahit ’di pa man literal na gutom ay tumunog na ang aking tiyan mula sa mga nakikita.

Some people would still chitchat while getting their own food, mula sa pinaka-unahan ay kumuha ako ng malaking plato. Gutom ako kaya hindi ko palalampasin ito. Mahaba ang pila ngunit mabilis din namang umuusad dahil may mga nakatokang servers sa harapan ng mga trays.

I was busy drooling with the appetizing dishes when I heard a clinking sound behind me, paglingon ko ay si Leviticus na nanguha rin ng kanyang plato at kubyertos. Hindi siya nakatingin sa akin kung kaya’t nagkaroon ako ng oras na singkitan siya ng mga mata.

Sinusundan ba ako nito? Of course not, Riley. Hindi lang ikaw ang gutom sa dagat ng mga taong ito. Para akong timang na kinakausap ang sarili kaya ’di ko namalayang malaki na pala ang agwat ng distansya ko sa aking sinusundang pila. Servers looked at me like I was a lost kid and waiting for his parents to take him. Good god!

Upang makaahon sa saglit na kahihiyan, humakbang na ako at namili ng mga pagkain. I was busy looking for some dessert when I heard someone behind me whispered.

“The foods look so delicious..” puri ni Leviticus na nakangusong tinitignan ang tray ng sausage rolls. Hindi ko lang sigurado kung ako ba ang kinakausap nito o ang sarili niya.

Nagpatuloy ako sa ginagawa, I asked the server to put some mozzarella salad on my plate, kahit ’di ko maintindihan kung anong lasa no’n ay bahala na.

“Didn’t know the one running the Graciano’s business is… still young…” narinig ko pang bigkas ulit niya, kinakausap siguro ang sarili. I ignored it and waited for the server to finish putting a slice of tomato on my plate.

As time goes by, he’s getting closer and when I glanced back, he’s sniffing something again. His head moved away when he noticed me watching.

“Thank you.” tugon niya sa server na naglagay ng pagkain sa pinggan niya.

Nang makarating sa bandang dulo ng buffet table ay kumuha na rin ako ng inuming iced tea upang hindi na ako magpabalik-balik pa. Inayos ko ang posisyon ng plato sa aking kamay upang hindi ito tumiwarik kung sakali.

“Excuse me..” habol ni Leviticus sa akin, mabagal ang paglalakad ko pabalik sa aming designated table. Hindi ko siya pinansin dahil mapipilitan lang akong harapin siya.

“Do we… Are we good?” kuryosong tanong niya at nang lingunin ko’y kunot na ang kanyang noo at salubong ang makakapal na kilay.

Consistently not speaking any word, I nodded instead as an answer. Ano bang pinagsasabi niya kasi? Bakit feeling close ito? Bakit ’di niya maramdaman na ayaw ko siyang kausapin?

“We’re good?” ulit niya, mukhang hindi nakuha ang ibig kong ipahayag.

Umismid ako at palihim na umirap sa gilid ng aking mga mata. Ngayon, tumango ako nang mas obvious para maintindihan niya.

“We’re good but you’re not talking..” puna niya.

Out of frustration, binilisan ko ang paglalakad makarating lamang sa patutunguhan. Pagbalik ko sa aming table ay walang tao roon, hindi pa siguro nakakabalik ang dalawang magpinsan at ang dalawa pang lalaki. Hindi ko namalayang mabilis na nakabuntot sa akin si Leviticus.

Nasa akin pa rin ang atensyon niya at animo’y nagmamasid sa bawat kilos ko. This is supposed to be easy but he’s making it hard for me. Damn.

I put down the plate and glass on the table. To get rid of his annoying attention, I took out my phone. I opened a notepad app and typed in something that says “I am mute, can’t talk.”

Inilahad ko ang screen ng aking cellphone sa kanya pagkatapos. I tried so hard to suppress a smile, I don’t know how I came up with this crazy idea, though. Bahala na basta’t tigilan niya lang ako.

As he read what’s written on my phone, he stared at me after, a bit shocked and confused. But as he puts down his own plate on the table, there was a ghost of smile on his lips. Now, what? Anong nakakatuwa sa nalaman niya? Natutuwa ba siyang malaman kung pipi nga ako?

Padabog akong naupo dahil sa iritasyon. Idagdag pa ang matikas niyang pangangatawan na agaw-pansin ng kaninomang atensyon. He’s still standing in front of me like a warrior, he took out his phone and typed something in there, too. Hindi ko mapigilang maging kuryoso sa kung anong ginagawa niya roon.

Eventually, he showed the screen of his phone in front of me and I read what’s written on it.

“Saw you talking on the phone earlier, no way you are mute.” iyon ang sabi roon.

Fuck! Fuck! Kinagat ko ang aking labi dahil sa muling pagkapahiya at katangahan. There was an amused smile written on his face now as he sat down, taking his phone back.

Gustong-gusto ko nang sabunutan ang sarili. I’m so stupid! Now he knows that I was just making excuses not to talk to him!

“Have we met before? I mean, did we have a fight or something?” ngayon nagsalita na siya habang preskong nginunguya ang kanyang pagkain. His chiseled jaw clenched as he musters the food in his mouth.

Hindi pa rin ako magsasalita. Kung gagawin ko ’yun, katapusan ko na.

I started eating my food. Nagpasalamat ako sa lahat ng santo nang ilang sandali lang ay nakabalik na sina Sawyer at Weston sa aming table, dala ang kani-kanilang pagkain.

“I’m so damn hungry…” Weston murmured.

“Nauna na pala kayo rito, e..” puna ni Sawyer sa aming dalawa ni Leviticus na parehong tahimik na kumakain. Upang hindi maging awkward ay sinilayan ko si Sawyer at nginitian siya, kunwaring may laman ang bibig ko at hindi makapagsalita. He also gave me a genuine smile.

The two Del Grandes started eating as well. May pinag-uusapan sila tungkol sa negosyo, minsan nilang sinasali si Leviticus sa usapan. I remembered they own half of the Del Grandes stocks and other assets, now I don’t have any idea if Levi knows about that, but probably yes since he talked casually with them. The only rival they have are the Gracianos, and here I am sitting with them trying to think of an idea how to proceed with my personal agenda.

Levi wiped his lips with a table napkin, tapos na yata itong kumain samantalang ako ay hindi pa nangangalahati. The Del Grandes are also still eating since they started late.

Abala pa ako sa pag-ubos ng aking pagkain nang biglang sumulpot sa paningin ko si Rea, ’yung babaeng server na napag-utusan ko tungkol sa…

HOLY FUCK!

Kasunod niya ang dalawang babaeng servers din at bitbit ang dalawang plato para sa isang dessert. Pinandilatan ko si Rea ngunit sa kamalas-malasan ay wala sa akin ang mga mata nito kaya ’di ako napansin. Sinerve ng dalawang babae ang mga plato sa harapan ng dalawang Del Grandes, wala akong nagawa kundi ang panoorin ang mga pangyayari.

“Oh! What is this?” tanong ni Weston na nakangiting pinagmasdan ang hinain.

“That’s a special apple pie, Sir. Si Mr. Graciano pa po ang nag-bake niyan..” ngiting-ngiti si Rea habang sinasabi ’yun saka bumaling sa gawi ko bilang credit sa akin.

How come I forgot about this?! The server obeyed all of the tasks I told her earlier this evening but I’m so freaking embarassed right now! I should’ve stopped this from happening but I got so distracted that it slipped my mind!

The Del Grandes looked at it like it was the best gift they have ever received from someone.

“You baked this?” Sawyer asked in delight, still looking at the pie on the plate. Maganda ang plating no’n kaya nagmukhang mamahalin.

Rea and the other servers giggled happily as they leave the scene. I even saw Rea raised her thumb finger on me as sign of goodluck. Motherfucking…

Napanganga nalang ako at tulirong-tuliro na sa mga kaganapan. Even Leviticus set his eyes on the pie, with his eyes curious and lips pursed. Dalawa lang ang plato at para kina Sawyer at Weston ’yon. Kinakabahan akong tumango-tango sa kanila, mabuti na lamang at ’di na sila masyadong nagtanong dahil tinikman na nila kaagad ’yong bin-ake kong apple pie.

That pie is supposed to be a part of my plan to get to the Del Grande’s heart and to negotiate with them easier.

Fucking apple pie! Hindi ko alam na ito pala ang tatapos sa buhay ko!

“Hmm! This is delicious..” komento ni Weston, nguya-nguya pa ang piraso ng pie sa kanyang bibig.

“Yeah, this tastes so good. Marunong ka pala ng mga ganito?” Sawyer asked once again.

Hindi ko na magawang tumingin kay Leviticus dahil pakiramdam ko’y kung wala sakin ang atensyon niya ay malamang na naroon sa apple pie.

“Oh! Levi, try this one! This is the best pie I’ve ever tasted!” alok ni Sawyer sa unggoy kaya napapikit nalang ako sa takot.

Wala na akong masabi. Sana lumubog nalang ako rito sa upuan ko! O maglaho nalang ako! Makawala lamang ako sa sitwasyon ito!

“Nahh, I’m full. Thanks, though..” Levi said as he laid his eyes on me now.

Nagpasalamat ako na kahit papaano ay hindi niya tinikman ’yun. Kahit na pare-pareho lang naman ng lasa ang apple pies, ewan ko ba pero pakiramdam ko’y makikilala pa rin niya kung sinong gumawa no’n kapag natikman niya.

“Oh? Sayang naman, masarap e..” Sawyer murmured, continued eating the dessert.

Once again, I collected my own thoughts and retrieved my poise.

“It’s okay. I’m not really fond of… apple pies.” dugtong pa niya sa sinabi na ikinataas ng kilay ko sa iritasyon. He’s not fond of it? Eh samantalang sa pagkakaalala ko ay halos agawin pa niya sakin ’yun noon kahit na sunog pa, matikman lang!

Hipokritong lalaki!

May emosyong nagdaan sa mga mata niya nang magtama ang aming paningin.

Couple hours went by. Tapos na kami sa pagkain. Marami ang nakain ng Del Grandes sa bin-ake kong apple pie pero may natira pa ring ilang piraso roon. Patapos na ang business expo at nag-uusap na lamang ang mga magkakakilala bilang paalaman.

The Del Grandes stood up, nagpaalam ang mga ito sa akin dahil kailangan daw nilang maagang makauwi. I sighed when I realized that my plan didn’t end up the way it supposed to. Ni hindi ko nga nagawa ang kahit ano! Tonight is such a big failure!

“Thanks for tonight, and also for the pie you baked, it was good.” nagkamayan kaming muli nina Sawyer at Weston, malugod ko silang nginitian. Tumayo ako at sinabayan sila sa mabagal na paglalakad.

Naiwan si Leviticus sa aming table. Nang magkaroon ng tamang distansya ay naisipan ko nang magsalita.

“S-Salamat. Uhmm.. should we set up another meeting then?” nahihiya kong tanong sa kanila, sakaling may pag-asa pa akong makabawi at maituloy na ang aking plano sa susunod.

Nagkatinginan silang dalawa bago sumagot.

“Sure. Just… give us a call..” tinapik ni Sawyer ang aking balikat at tuluyan na silang nagpaalam at umalis.

Nagbuntong hininga ako pagkatapos. I feel like a failure but I still have a chance next time. Sisiguruhin kong wala nang hadlang na kung sino sa mga plano ko.

Pabalik na ako sa aming table upang kuhanin ang gamit ko, naiwan ko ang cellphone ko roon sa table. Pero ’di pa man ako tuluyang nakakabalik nang lapitan ako ng isang lalaki.

“Richard Bailey Graciano, akala ko hindi na tayo magkikita, e..” it took me minute to realize that it was Symon, August’s friend. Sa likuran niya ay napansin ko ang bulto ng kanyang asawa.

“O-Oo nga, eh. Saan ba kayo nakaupo?” tanong ko.

Symon beamed a smile. With his index finger, itinuro niya ang lugar ng kanilang upuan kanina na nasa bandang harapan. Kaya pala hindi kami nagkita dahil malayo sila.

“Levi?” his husband Troy said while looking at the remaining guy on our table. Narinig nito ang pagtawag sa kanyang pangalan at saka tumayo at umalis sa kanyang kinauupuan, habang papalapit siya ay napansin kong parang may laman ang bibig niya at may nginunguyang kung ano.

“Troy? I didn’t know you’re here.” nag-usap ang dalawa habang kaharap ko si Symon.

“Nga pala, bibigyan kita ng calling card ko. I wanna take some pictures of you if possible, for a business magazine sana?” aniya, pero hindi pa rin maalis ang tingin ko kay Leviticus na pinunasan pa ang kanyang labi habang kausap ng asawa ni Symon.

Did he… eat again or something?

“Uhh sorry? Business magazine?” ulit ko dahil sa kawalan ng atensyon sa kausap, I looked down on the card he gave me.

Puato de Studio Incorporated Symon Neil Monteguido-Torralba Features & Writing Department Head

“Yep, I work for features and writing now though I’m still a photographer.” tugon niya.

“S-Sure, I’ll… see..” bulong ko habang nakatingin doon sa card.

Afterwards, Symon gazed back on his husband and Troy got the signal that we’re done talking. Levi’s eyes are on me, naglakad ako pabalik sa table upang kuhanin ang naiwang cellphone. Bago lumisan ay napansin ko ang plato na pinaghainan ng apple pie at… wala nang natira roon.

Dulot ng buong araw na pagod, nag-hahallucinate na siguro ako at iba-iba na ang mga nakikita ko. Kanina lamang ay may natira pa roon, ngunit ngayon ay wala na.

Symon and the rest seemed to be waiting for me. Nang balikan ko sila ay sumabay na ako sa paglalakad nila paalis ng venue.

Nauuna sa paglalakad ang mag-asawa samantalang nahuhuli kami ni Leviticus.

And with Levi’s habitual glances at me, napansin kong parang may nag-iba sa kanya. Iba na ngayon ang timbang ng titig niya at maging ang multo ng ngiti sa mga labi niya… it feels like he’s staring at me the same way he used to… back then… the same and similar way he looked at the old me..

Chapter 34 [Knives]

“But that darkness will soon be gone. Light will replace. Soon, eyes will open..”

I was so certain back then that I wouldn’t let that fortune teller control my life with her predictions. I don’t know if she uses dark magic, witchcraft or whatever sorcery that is! But it seems like everything she said is now happening one by one.

I still feel stupid worrying about it, though. Kung nabanggit ba niyang mananalo ako sa lottery noon ay ibig sabihin, mananalo talaga ako ngayon?

“Sir?”

Silly. Hindi ko pa rin naman talaga kayang paniwalaan ’yon lahat. Those were just coincidences, it just happened because of the probability that it is likely to happen. Nagkataon lang, kumbaga. She’s not some sort of a time-traveller or something so that she can see into the future and warns me of everything that will happen with my life.

Pero nakakapagtaka pa rin talaga, e!

“Sir Richard Bailey?”

Ilang beses akong napakurap upang maibalik ang atensyon sa aking personal assistant na si Andrei. He looks at me like I slept on him, he’s possibly overthinking right now.

“Y-Yeah.. sorry..”

Nasa kalagitnaan kami ng pagpirma ko sa mga papeles. I told him earlier today to compile all the reports and the ones that still need approval. Na-review ko na ang iilan pero mas marami pa rin ang naka-pending dahil sa kawalan ko ng konsentrasyon. Muntik ko pang maihulog ang hawak na sign pen nang muli akong mapapikit.

I still feel sleepy because everything dawned on me last night.

“Uhm.. I know this is odd, pero n-nag-blush on ka po ba, Sir?”

I stopped from signing a paper, hindi tuloy natapos ang pagpirma ko roon dahil sa sinabi niya. I gathered all my senses back to look at him and gave him a horrendous look, ’yong tipong pagsisisihan niya kung anomang salitang nabanggit niya.

“K-Kalimutan mo na ’yon, Sir eto naman, hehe. Ang pula po kasi ng mukha niyo, e napansin ko lang.” hiyang-hiya niyang sinabi, mukhang nakuha ang ibig kong sabihin.

Taas noo kong hinablot ang aking pouch at hinanap doon ang aking salamin. Andrei shut his mouth and I took that chance to stare at my reflection in the mirror. I hate to say it, pero tama nga siya. Namumula ang mukha ko, pero natural ’yon! Hindi ako naglagay ng kung anomang kolorete sa mukha para lang pumula ito.

Fragments of what happened last night still haunts me. Lahat ng nangyari, actually. From the fake act that I pulled as a mute, mistakenly called his personal number, and from that apple fucking pie that ruined everything! Malinaw na malinaw pa rin sa isipan ko ang lahat at isinusumpa kong hindi na ako magbi-bake pa no’n kahit kailan!

“Sige na, mauna na kayo guys hintayin ko pa ito..” Symon said when we reached the hallway towards the elevators. May nakasalubong pa kasing kakilala ang asawa nito kaya abala pa ito sa kausap.

I nodded and immediately stepped into the open elevator waiting. I pressed the close button, pero hindi pa man tuluyang nagsasara ay hinabol ito ng kamay ni Leviticus upang magbukas. Napasinghap ako, muli kong kinalma ang sarili upang hindi siya makahalata.

Why do I even need to overreact everytime we’re having an encounter? Ewan ko sa’yo, Riley!

The elevator doors closed, with just the two of us inside it. Kalmado na sana ako kung wala lang akong naalalang hindi kanais-nais. I don’t have any good memories with elevators, lalo na at kaming dalawa lang. It makes me reminisce about the time we were caged in an elevator and how he stole a kiss from me.

That was our first kiss!

“There, I just kissed a man..”

DAMN!

I gasped, tumataas yata ang presyon ko dahil sa alaalang iyon. Elevators are supposed to go down fast, pero kung kailan gusto mong bumilis ito ay doon pa talaga ito bumabagal, animo’y nananadya.

Bahagya rin akong dumistansya sa kanya, in case na may maamoy siyang kakaiba mula sakin. I don’t really have a strong scent, at hindi rin naman siguro pinagtuunan ng pansin iyon ni Leviticus noong magkasama pa kami, right?

“Basement? You have a car?” tanong niya bigla, nagsisimula ng conversation na siya lang naman ang tauhan. Iisang button lang kasi ang nakailaw roon at ’yon ang patungo sa basement.

Nakatitig lang ako sa itaas, pinapanood ang pagbabago ng numero. Nasa pinakaibaba pa kasi ang basement kaya natatagalan.

“Seems to me that you’re not fond of talking.. hmm..” bubulong-bulong pa siya, kinukumbinsi ang sarili. Tama ’yan, Levi. Manahimik ka nalang dahil hindi talaga ako madaldal.

Kahit tubuan pa ako ng pigsa sa puwet, hinding hindi ko siya kakausapin. Kapag ginawa ko ’yon, para ko na ring hinukay ang sarili kong libingan.

“Or maybe you have a… bad breath or something? So you won’t like to tal—”

“EXCUSE ME??” hindi ko napigilang magsalita, bahala na kung tubuan ako ng pigsa sa kung saan pero hindi ako makakapayag na samantalahin niya ang pananahimik ko at batuhin ako ng mga insulto.

B-Bad breath? Is he serious?!

I modified my voice and made it sound deeper than I normally sound, para lang mag-iba ang boses ko at hindi niya makilala.

“Oh? Now you’re talking..” there was a ghost of smile on his face that makes me feel so exasperated once again.

Pero una at huli na ’yon at hindi na ulit ako magsasalita. Napagtanto kong ang hirap palang magpanggap at hindi ako sanay na nilalakihan ang boses ko. I sound so… stupid.. and hilarious.

Nagpasalamat ako sa poong maykapal nang hindi nagtagal ay bumukas ang elevator doors patungo sa basement. Mabibigat ang yapak ko, iritado pa rin dahil sa insultong nanggaling sa hipokritong unggoy na ’yun.

I know I’m stupid but I’m starting to learn what he’s doing, it was so obvious that he was provoking the hell out of me by throwing insulting words so that I would speak. And I gave him that! Good god!

Dahil sa angking tangkad at laking bulas niya ay ramdam na ramdam ko ang pagsunod niya kahit na nakatalikod ako sa kanya at hindi nililingon. Idagdag pa ang tunog ng mga yapak niya, kahit hindi siya magsalita ay sapat na para malaman kong nariyan siya. Ultimo maliliit na detalye ay napapansin ko sa kanya, kailan ba matatapos ito?

Nagmadali akong lumapit kung saan nakaparada ang sasakyan ko. It’s a metallic silver BMW, Richard Graciano bought it for me a year ago on my birthday. It was a gift, pero tinanggihan ko dahil masyadong enggrande, pero wala rin akong nagawa. I use this occasionally, gaya nalang ngayon.

Bubuksan ko pa lang ang pintuan nito nang mapansin ko ang harapang gulong nito na flat. Nag-squat pa ako para lang makita ito nang mas malinaw, doon ko nakumpirmang flat nga ang isang gulong nito. Umikot ako sa kabila at nalamang flat din iyon.

WHAT THE FUCK?

Hindi naman ito flat kanina sa pagkakatanda ko, maayos pa ito nang iwan ko. Paanong… paanong mafa-flatan ito?

“You okay?” I heard Levi’s voice, nang lingunin ko’y papalapit na siya sakin. At sa litong emosyon sa mukha ko ay nakuha na agad niyang mayroong problema.

I didn’t need to point the flat tires with my finger, sa pagsunod sa aking line of sight ay nakuha na agad niya ang sanhi ng busangot kong mukha.

“Flat?” he whispered, nag-squat din siya upang suriin ang mga gulong. I watched him, but instead of looking at the tires, my eyes were fixed on his back. Damn.

“Do you have any… extras?” nag-angat siya ng tingin, muntik pang mahuli ang mga mata kong nakatuon sa kanyang likuran, umiwas agad ako at napaisip sa kanyang katanungan.

I have an extra tire, pero isa lang ’yon. Dalawa pa naman ang nasira kaya wala rin, hindi rin maaagapan. Nang makaisip ng alternatibo ay tumitig ako sa kanya nang matagal. Until now, it feels surreal whenever our eyes meet, parang hinahalukay ang kaluluwa ko.

“I don’t have any extras.” sagot niya sa katanungang hindi ko naman ibinato. I got… amazed all of a sudden. How could he read what’s on my mind? O baka nabasa niya sa mga mata ko? O baka naman hinulaan niya lang?

I sighed, lonesome and problematic. Tatawagan ko nalang siguro sina Bruce at Reid para magpahatid pauwi? Ang utos ko kasi sa kanila kanina ay uuwi akong mag-isa kaya paniguradong nakauwi na ang mga ’yon. Should I still try my luck and bother them at this time of the night?

“Leave your car here. Just…” aniya, kanina’y nasa telepono ang mga mata ko pero naibaling na sa kanya ngayon. Anong ibig niyang…

“Ako na ang maghahatid sa’yo pauwi. Balikan mo nalang ito bukas.”

That will never happen. With all force, I shook my head just to make him understand that I’m not gonna go with him, ever.

“Ayaw mo? Bakit ayaw mo?” parang batang pangungulit niya, napabuntong hininga ako. Here we go again. Leviticus has this look in his eyes that is so… convincing and it makes me want to forget our past behind and just start all over again.

Over again. Did I move on from him already? Tatlong taon na ang nakalipas, marami na ring nagbago sa mga buhay namin. So much has changed. I have to keep changing to really keep living because that is part of life.

I looked down on my phone and opened an online app for taxi booking service. Iwinagayway ko pa sa kanyang paningin ito para malaman niya ang plano ko. His expression didn’t change, though.

“That is not safe. Why won’t you ride with me instead?” his voice husky, some part of me broke down and wanted to collapse.

Ride with him, my ass. I don’t even like the way how he made it sound. May imaheng bumisita sa utak ko at hindi ko ’yun inaasahan sa ganitong tagpo.

I tried booking for a taxi, matagal itong nag-buffer, hindi ko maintindihan kung dahil mahina ba ang signal o wala lang talaga akong ma-book sa ganitong oras?

“Alright, fine. Madali akong kausap.”

I heard him and the moment I raised my head up, pabalik na siya sa kanyang sasakyan. It’s a black jeep wrangler, binuksan niya ang pintuan nito at sumakay doon. His car looked so flashy and masculine, hindi ko alam kung bakit gano’n ang epekto sakin pero ’yun ang naramdaman ko.

Binalikan ko ng tingin ang aking cellphone kung saan walang resulta ang lumabas. Nagloloko pa yata ito! Nag-angat ulit ako ng tingin at napansing umandar na ang kanyang sasakyan at papaalis na. Kusang gumalaw ang mga paa ko at hinabol ’yun. Mabilis ang takbo nito at madaling nakaalis ng basement, naglaho ito na parang bula.

“Fuck!”

Nanlumo ako at nakaramdam ng kalungkutan. T-That dumbass! Iwan ba naman ako?! Mas lamang ang panghihinayang ko kaysa sa galit. Realizing it was my fault anyway. Ako lang naman itong nag-inarte pa at itinaboy siya, tapos ako itong magmamarkulyo sa huli?

It felt like all things fell down on me. Maybe, I should really move on. Walang lalaki ang makakatagal sa ugali ko. I’m such a moody, crazy, and ungrateful bitch. Nag-magandang loob na nga iyong tao, inayawan ko pa?

Maybe my decisions now were still influenced by the past. Dahil malaki pa rin ang pagdududa ko sa kanya? Did he really want to kill me back then? To get rid of me? Was he threatened by the long lost son of the Gracianos? Is he that… ruthless?

Naupo ako sa isang curbside, alone and hopeless. On one side, it makes me think that those perceptions were only made by my own judgment of him. He wasn’t really like that. Ako ang dapat na mas nakakaalam dahil ako ang nakasama niya, we shared moments even intimate ones and yeah he had a violent behavior but that doesn’t even justified my own judgment of him. He was violent but he inflicted pain on his own, not on other people.

Maybe, I should really move on. Like how he moved on from the old Riley. Maybe happy ending is not for me. Or maybe happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe it’s just me, on my own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing myself up for something better in the future. Or maybe the happy ending is just moving on.

Moving on. I stood up and decided that that was it.

Hindi pa man ako nakakahakbang nang humarurot ang pamilyar na sasakyan pabalik sa kinaroroonan ko. The black jeep wrangler stopped in front of me, he opened the door and I had the chance to notice the bothered look on his face.

“Get in. Now.”

Kumapit ako sa laylayan ng damit ko at pinalakas ang loob na sumakay doon sa sasakyan niya. I thought he… already left?

Naupo ako sa shotgun seat at nagkabit ng seatbelt. I closed the door, naramdaman ko ang lamig ng aircon pero katamtaman lang iyon para hindi ako ginawin. I watched him maneuvered the steering wheel getting out of the basement. Ang dalawang kamay ko ay nakakapit sa seatbelt, malapit sa aking dibdib. Ang lakas ng tibok ng puso ko sa hindi malamang dahilan.

Hindi nagtagal ay sumulyap siya sa akin, kung kaninang bothered ngayon ay naglaho na ito at bumalik na sa normal niyang ekspresyon.

“Saan kita ihahatid?” ibinalik niya ang paningin sa daan. Now, that his vision is restored, he can drive his own car, he can even do everything he wants.

I looked at his phone connected on the dashboard phone holder, may nakabukas na mapa roon at minanipula ko iyon. Hindi niya ako maaaring ihatid sa mga Gracianos, I can’t imagine what would be Dad’s reaction if he saw me with a Torralba, the same Torralba he told me to get away from. I put in the address to my condominium, mas mabuting doon niya ako ihatid.

“Is that… where you live?” kuryosong tanong niya nang sundan ang daan patungo sa address na nilagay ko. Ayaw kong magsalita kaya tumango nalang ako bilang tugon.

I kept my eyes fixed on the road, the arm he’s using to manipulate the steering wheel is such a distraction. He’s maneuvering it with one hand, the other hand was somewhere else and I didn’t try to find it, pakialam ko ba roon?

“How did your tires get flat? I mean, you came to the hotel with those tires?”

As much as I like to keep us silent, he won’t ever shut his mouth. Ang daldal niya. Manhid ba ito at hindi makaramdam na ayaw kong makipag-usap? Or is he planning on provoking me again?

Humarap ako sa kanya, I can’t use words so I used my hands and tried to act what I wanted to say. ‘Maayos pa ang sasakyan ko nang makarating ako roon sa hotel, wala akong ideya kung paanong na-flatan iyon’. That’s what I wanted to convey with all those hand movements and gestures and everything. Pabaling-baling siya sa akin at sa daan, kunot ang noo at salubong na ang mga kilay.

“Alright, I was blind okay? But I don’t know how to read a fucking sign language. Use words, damn it..” he hissed in annoyance, slowly getting impatient.

I sighed. The moment I speak to him, he would immediately identify it. And I’m sure that I’m not ready yet for him to find it out, I think he’s also not ready yet to know about that.

I took out my phone and typed in something on the notepad. Pero natigilan ako at binura iyon. Gaga, nagmamaneho ang unggoy at kung ipapabasa ko sa kanya ang isusulat ko ay baka ikapahamak pa namin iyon. We’re prone to so much accidents, lalo na’t naranasan na niya iyon.

I used a text to voice converter. Hindi ko mapigilang mapangiti sa kalokohang naiisip ko para lamang manatili akong tahimik at pipi.

“My car tires were fine when I came to the hotel, I don’t have any idea how it became like that.” the automated voice said, nakatapat pa ang cellphone malapit sa kanya upang mas marinig niya.

He shook his head in so much disappointment, but there was a ghost of smile on his lips again, like the amused smile I saw when I pulled the act of being a mute at the expo. He sighed eventually, hindi siguro matanggap na kailangan niyang kausapin ang boses na parang robot.

“Really? You’re gonna use that damn automated whatever voice system on me?” nakakatakot na ang ngising ipinakita niya. There was sarcasm on it, anong gusto niyang gawin ko? Wala naman ng ibang paraan akong naiisip bukod dito?

“I have tooth decay so I can’t speak.” kinain ko ang aking pride habang pinapakinggan iyong i-translate ng voice converter. I can’t think of any reason and the only idea coming up is a stupid one.

Gumalaw ang kanyang braso dahil lumiko kami ng daan. Nag-iigting na ang kanyang panga at hindi makapaniwala sa narinig.

“Let me see, then.” aniya, pinatulan na ang robot na boses.

Umiling-iling ako sa harapan niya at pinandilatan siya kahit na nasa daan nakatuon ang atensyon niya.

“No fucking way.” the automated voice said.

“You’re really into this, huh? What is this, a game? Are you shitting me right now?” gigil niyang tugon.

“I am not! That’s it! If you won’t believe me, then it’s your damn problem, Lev!” gigil na gigil kong ti-nype iyon upang i-translate ng voice converter. Pero nang pareho naming marinig iyon ay pareho din kaming natigilan.

Wait, what did I type?!

“What did you say? I mean, what did that fucking voice say?” he asked, the car immediately stopped and parked somewhere. Sa lakas ng pwersa ay halos mapasigaw ako sa gulat. Mabuti na lamang at napigilan ko ang aking bibig.

I called him Lev. Like, is that normal? Pwede ko pa rin naman siyang tawaging gano’n kahit na hindi kami magkakilala, ’di ba?

Ngayong nakatigil na ang sasakyan, tinitigan niya ako nang mariiin at seryoso. There’s no way he would put malice on that! I can call him whatever I want! And it’s not like I was the only one who can call him Lev or whatever! Pinaikli ko lang naman ang pangalan niya kaya anong problema nito?!

Nanatili ako sa aking upuan, kabado at balot ng takot na pilit kong nilalabanan. His eyes are scary.. and this is the first time I’ve seen him this… furious.. with those agitated eyes… and then he closed his eyes… not aware of what he’s doing..

“I don’t really fucking know how but… you really remind me of someone. Are you….” hirap na hirap siyang sabihin iyon at pahinto-hinto, malalim ang boses. Nilamukos niya ang kanyang mukha at ginulo ang buhok. He even punched the steering wheel just so he could vent out or something.

He closed his eyes again, for a moment, it took a minute before he opened his eyes and stare at me.

“You fucking remind me of someone who left me years ago like I-I wasn’t enough reason to stay…” he whispered voice almost breaking, caught off guard, those heartbreaking words hit me like knives and the rain suddenly started to pour.

Chapter 35 [Voice]

The rain poured hard even though I never asked for a rainfall, his words like knives felt like it’s all coming down on me. Malungkot isipin na nakikiramay ang panahon sa kung ano mang sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayon.

Kahit na malayo na ang narating ko, kahit na iba na ang disposisyon ko ngayon, natanto kong nakakulong pa rin ako. I still feel stuck, I realized I am still living in the past no matter how changed I look right now, I’m still the same old… Riley..

“You fucking remind me of someone who left me years ago like I-I wasn’t enough reason to stay…” he whispered that I almost wished I was the one who was left behind.

He was enough but that was the main reason why I left. I didn’t want to leave him but I had to. Nakatungo nalang ako sa aking mga kamay, nanatili kami sa ganoong sitwasyon. Dahil nakatigil ang sasakyan ay dinig na dinig ko ang malakas na hampas ng ulan sa bubong ng kanyang sasakyan.

His hands rest on the steering wheel, looking down and looking so miserably beautiful.

“If he only knew how much those little moments we had mattered to me..” huminga siya ng malalim, waring may binabalikang magandang alaala, he looked up at me and there was a sly smile on his lips, yet so close to breaking.

“I try not to miss him, I always try to let go.. But in the end, he’s always on my mind..” his smile was so genuine that it touched my soul, he sniffed and wiped his nose as his eyes get teary. “But he’s a part of me that I’ll always need, so I can’t let him go..”

I closed my eyes and it was so hard to listen to him this… lonely.. and miserable.. longing for someone… I was already in front of him but he’s still missing me…

Nanginginig na ang labi ko sa pagpipigil ng luha. I never thought he loved me this much.. To think that I left him and causing him all the pain he’s feeling right now, it made me feel that I don’t deserve him.. he definitely deserves someone much better. His love is so big that I can’t even measure it.

I wanted to hug him, or comfort him but I was stunned, I can’t move my hands or my legs. I just watched him broke down, I felt so heartless letting that happen.

He pulled the gearstick and started the engine again. The rain and the wind that the airconditioner blew was so cold, but it wasn’t that intense compared to the coldness I’m feeling right now.

“I-I’m sorry…” aniya bago minaniobra ang manibela at saka kami nagpatuloy sa biyahe.

Humilig ako sa bintana at pinanood ang kalsadang basa dahil sa malakas na ulan. Palihim kong pinahid ang luhang dumaplis sa aking kanang mata, at umaktong normal upang hindi niya mahalatang natamaan ako sa lahat ng sinabi niya.

Reminiscing about what happened over the last three years still don’t make sense to me. Why do I need to go through that? Why do I still need to feel stuck? Those times, I know it didn’t kill me but something died inside me that day.

“Let’s talk about your proposal.”

It was a clear-cut decision that I’m gonna fight for my bestfriend’s justice. It was an obvious mistaken identity, na ako ang dapat na target ng mga namaril at hindi ng aking kaibigan. Ngunit kahit anong paninirang salita ang igawad ni Richard Graciano sa mga Torralba, ay kahit katiting mayroon pa ring nagbabaka-sakali sakin na baka hindi siya ganoon. He couldn’t do terrible things like that.

Leviticus isn’t what my father thinks. I have to believe that.

Richard Graciano let me stay in their household. Halatang hindi palagay sa akin ang pamilya niya dahil mula nang tumapak ako sa pamamahay nila, hindi nila ako kinausap o kahit tinignan man lang. The only people I could talk to were their househelps.

Bantay-sarado ako. Nalalapit na ang aming commencement day pero heto at namomroblema pa rin ako tungkol sa pagkamatay ng aking kaibigan. There were investigations done, pero walang malakas na ebidensya ang makapagtuturo kung ang mga Torralbas nga ang may tunay na pakana ng pamamaril.

“Of course! They would do everything just to escape the law!” kitang-kita ko ang galit sa boses at maging sa ekspresyon ng aking ama habang nasa study kami, kasama ang kanyang mga tauhan.

“Hindi pa nahahanap iyong mga namaril, boss.” ani ng isang tauhan.

“Then search again!”

Richard Graciano looked so stress about it, while I was just waiting eagerly for answers that I think won’t come. That was the time I felt that I needed to do something. If these people can’t bring justice to my friend, I would do it on my own.

My father took my personal phone so I won’t be able to talk to anyone, or so no one could reach me. Pinagtalunan pa namin iyon pero sa huli’y wala rin akong nagawa. It was for my own sake.

Ilang araw din akong pabalik-balik sa bahay ni Leviticus ngunit laging napapaligiran ito ng mga security guards. I can’t just jump in front of them because they were under the impression that I was the one snitching on them. Ano bang malay ko roon at anong kinalaman ko sa negosyo nila para isipin na nag-eespiya ako sa kanila?!

Kahit gawin ko mang umikot sa garden para makalusot sa secret entrance ay hindi rin posible dahil mayroon nang mga nagbabantay doon. What’s with these security, anyway? Why does he need so many people to protect him? And protect him from what?

Sa mga sumunod na araw ay ginanap ang funeral ng aking kaibigan. I badly wanted to come but my father stopped me. Nagmakaawa pa ako sa harapan niya para lamang makadalo ako, sa huli ay hinayaan niya ako pero doon lamang ako sa malayo at hindi pwedeng magpakita sa mga tao. Ayon sa kanya ay maaaring may mga tauhan doon ang mga Torralbas at sa oras na matagpuan ako roon ay ikakapahamak ko iyon.

I cried so hard watching my bestfriend’s family mourn over his coffin. Kahit ang unang gabi ng araw na iyon ay umiyak ako magdamag, umabot rin siguro ng tatlong araw na ganoon ang routine ko.

“You need to eat, son…”

I was just staring blankly on my plate, walang ganang kumain o kahit gumalaw man lang. Ito ang unang araw na bumaba ako mula sa kwarto pagkatapos kong magmukmok doon ng tatlong araw.

Kahit ayaw ay pinilit kong kumain. I was isolated from everyone I know, and it felt like I was barely living. I didn’t even expect things would end up like this. It happened so fast. Madaling nabago ang buhay ko. I just met my real father and now every possible worst thing happens in an instant.

“Bukas na ang graduation ninyo, ipapakuha ko nalang ang iyong diploma. There’s no way you will attend, I’m not gonna risk your life, my son..” parang nagdaan lang sa pandinig ko ang mga salitang namutawi sa bibig ng aking ama.

Wala rin naman akong gana na dumalo, pero naisip kong baka hanapin ako roon ni Levi, may pag-asang magkita kaming muli at makapag-usap!

“No, you’re not going, son! How many times do I have to tell you that he—”

“He’s not the person you think he is! Kilala ko siya! He wouldn’t do terrible things like that!” singhal ko, sumusunod ako sa lakad ng aking ama patungo sa study.

Mabibigat ang mga hakbang ko. Pinipilit ko siyang dadalo ako sa aming graduation pero ayaw niya akong payagan. Nagsindi siya ng tobacco at naupo sa kanyang swivel chair.

“Paano ka nakasisiguro? Your friend died because of him!” tugon niya.

Hindi ko pa rin talaga maintindihan kung bakit ipinagsisiksikan niyang kasalanan ni Levi ang lahat ng kapahamakang nangyayari sakin. And my friend died because of those masked men with the guns, not him! Someone possibly ordered them but I believe it wasn’t him!

“He did not! Paano ka rin nakasisiguro na siya nga ang nag-utos no’n? You don’t even have any concrete evidence, kung sila nga ang may pakana bakit wala pa rin sila sa kulungan?” matapang kong buwelta laban sa mga paratang ng aking ama.

I was fuming mad because I can’t even get out alone without those fucking security guards he hired to tail me. Dad massaged his temples and looked at me with his impatient eyes.

“Then go, let’s see if he will not hurt you then. Go to him!” nagulat ako sa huli niyang sinabi bago patayin ang sindi ng kanyang sigarilyo.

Anong.. Anong sinabi niya? Pinalalaya niya ba ako? Why do I feel that this is a… trap or something?

“Reid and Bruce will still escort you. Go to him.”

Those words lingered on my mind while I was inside the van with Bruce and Reid who’s silently watching me. May nakarating sa aming balita na nasa kompanya si Leviticus ngayon kaya roon ang ruta namin.

A while ago I was so eager to see him, but now that Richard Graciano let me, I can’t help but to feel nervous. Or maybe my mind was just playing with me. This is my chance to talk to him so I need to stay strong and have guts to face whatever the problem is.

Tiningala ko ang matayog na gusali ng Torralba Builders Incorporated, I held my head high as I walked inside the lobby. The people around didn’t seem to mind me, Reid and Bruce insisted to escort me inside the building but I told them not to. I need to do this on my own.

I rode the elevator to get to the upper floor where Levi’s office was located. I watched my reflection on the elevator walls, questioning myself if I could really do this. Now that they have this idea that I’m the spy, would they even bother to believe my words? Anong laban ko? Ano ang ilalahad kong ebidensya para maniwala sila? If Levi would believe me, is he enough to change people’s perception of me, though?

Enough of the overthinking, I walked the long hallway towards his office.

Hindi pa man nakararating sa tamang patutunguhan, nadaanan ko ang ilang cubicle at namataan ko ang isang lalaki na pamilyar sa akin. Nagtama ang paningin namin. I.. I didn’t expect he was working here..

He didn’t move from where he was standing and just watched me walk, it was my ex-boyfriend Jason. I moved my eyes off of him but someone showed up in front of me.

“Ang kapal mo rin naman talaga para magpakita rito?” She looked at me from head to toe, judging me while crossing her arms. I didn’t remember doing her wrong so I really didn’t understand where was her anger coming from.

“I didn’t come here to..” napapikit ako at napailing, “I went to see Leviticus..” kinumbinsi ko ang sarili dahil wala rin naman akong panahon na patulan ang mga paratang ni Liz.

I looked at her from head to toe, too. Her overall look was so sophisticated, she seemed trying hard to look classy but her behavior was such a low class.

“He doesn’t want to see you. You even had the guts to live in his house just so you can steal confidential information. You are pathetic…” she shook her head, animo’y naghahamon ng away.

I gritted my teeth with all her insults. How come she’s so engrossed with the idea that I was a bad person? Sa pinapakita niyang asal ngayon, siya pa ang mas masama saming dalawa. She didn’t have the right to judge me with her false accusations.

“You know what, you’re actually more pathetic than me, Liz. You dress so classy but your attitude is disgusting. And for your information, I’m not the spy that you’re thin—”

“Liar! Of course, you are! It was so obvious! You have all the motives! You can’t fool everyone!” galit na galit niyang tono kaya nakakakuha na kami ng atensyon ng iba. As much as I would like to keep it down, she’s really testing my patience. Nawawala na rin sa utak ko ang totoo kong pakay sa pagpunta rito dahil sa kanya.

“I am not! And I’m not lying! Or maybe you are really the spy and you’re just throwing it on me so you won’t get caught, huh??” I earned all the sarcasm in the world and put it on my words.

Now, she looked so furious and raging, she raised her hand and slapped me so hard. Hindi ko namalayan kaagad iyon dahil sa bilis ng pangyayari.

“You bitch!” she yelled.

Lumatay ang kanyang kamay sa aking pisngi. Masakit ang sampal na ’yon kaya hindi agad ako nakabawi. I was looking down when I heard a door opened.

“What’s happening here?” the voice was so familiar, nang mag-angat ako ng tingin ay nakita ko si Leviticus. His eyes were set to somewhere else, gloomy and confused.

“S-Sir! The fucking mole is here!” pagsusumbong ni Liz na patungo na ngayon sa kinatatayuan ni Leviticus. I was watching them, I was speechless upon seeing him again. I missed him and I wanted to hug him. But the emotion on his face didn’t seem right to me, it was shaded with something.. darker.

“Who?” tanong nito kay Liz, kumunot ang noo.

“The spy! He’s here again to snitch on you!” paninira ni Liz habang masamang nakatingin sa akin pero bago pa man ako makapagsalita ay natigilan na ako sa mga salitang namutawi sa bibig ni Leviticus.

“Call the guards..” kalmadong utos nito na hindi ko inaasahan.

I literally dropped my jaw in shock and in fuelling anger, all of the people around looked at me like I was someone wicked and sinful. I moved both my feet and gathered all the strength to leave that place.

Heartbroken and infuriating, I walked out of the building. Kailangan kong makaalis bago pa man ako hulihin ng security. Pinalis ko ang luhang tumakas nang makasakay ako sa van. Bruce and Reid were both disoriented seeing me crying.

I just did not expect that he would do that. Well, it was a shame. I thought he was someone who…

Hindi pa man kami tuluyang nakakarating sa bahay ng mga Gracianos nang makarating sa amin ang balitang isinugod sa ospital ang aking ama.

Richard Graciano was attacked and almost got killed!

Tinakbo ko ang daan patungo sa loob ng ospital. The nurses told me that Richard Graciano was still inside the operating room. Ayon sa naririnig ko kina Bruce at sa ilang tauhan, sa mismong opisina nito ay may nagtangkang atakihin ang aking ama. Someone stabbed him with a knife, hindi pa kilala kung sino pero pinasusuri na ang mga cctvs sa kompanya upang malaman.

“Malaki ang posibilidad na tauhan ng mga Torralba..” naririnig kong bulong ng isang tauhan na pareho kong naghihintay sa waiting area.

“May kasabwat daw ba?”

“Wala, mag-isa lang daw.”

“The cctvs on the office were broken since the attack happened.”

“Ibig sabihin, hindi lang iisang tao ang gumawa.”

Ayaw ko mang maniwala sa mga haka-haka ay bahagya akong nakukumbinsi dahil sa sinapit ko kanina lamang. He called the guards on me. Maybe, he was trying to corner me so that he can plot to kill my father.

Bumisita kami matapos ang operasyon. Himalang nakaligtas si Richard Graciano mula sa mga tinamong saksak. He received multiple stabs from his back, luckily vital organs weren’t hit.

“W-What happened to your…?” iyon ang unang tanong niya nang magising mula sa mahabang pagkakatulog.

Umiling-iling ako nang mapagtantong ang tinutukoy niya ay ang pakikipagkita ko kay Leviticus. I saw him but…

Tears flowed down again, hindi pa rin tuluyang matanggap ang mga nangyayari. Ayaw ko mang magparatang ng masama pero malaki nga ang posibilidad na tauhan nila ang umatake sa aking ama.

Sino pa ba ang maaaring gumawa nito?

Valentina Graciano towards his husband and caressed his face.

“R-Richard!” hinaing nito na naiiyak habang pinagmamasdan ang asawa.

“I-I’m okay…” hirap pa rin siyang magsalita kaya iyon lang ang nasabi niya.

Valentina Graciano looked at me with pure… hatred.. and disgust..

“It was his fault! This bastard! It was all because of him that you g-got…” hindi naituloy dahil inalo ng asawa.

Napuno ng galit at paghihinagpis, sinugod ko ang bahay ni Leviticus. Hindi na inalala kung gaano pa karami ang security guards na nagbabantay, dire-diretso ang lakad ko, wala nang pakialam kung masaktan ako o may mangyaring masama sakin.

“I need to talk to him! Let me fucking get in!” singhal ko sa mga tauhang humarang sa akin sa gate pa lamang.

Someone from the group took out his phone and called someone.

“Sir? Hello..” anito sa tinawagan.

Hawak-hawak naman ng isa ang braso ko nang mahigpit upang hindi ako makawala. Nanatili akong nagpupumiglas habang nakikinig sa usapan.

“Alright, uhm… unknown identity po, gustong makipag-usap kay Mr. Torralba..” tugon ng tauhan sa kung sino mang nasa kabilang linya. Who is he talking to?!

Tumingin ito sa akin, waring nakikinig sa sinasabi ng kausap at tumatango pa.

“Anong pangalan mo?” tanong nito sakin, sinamaan ko siya ng tingin pero sinagot din naman.

“Tell him it’s Riley!” sabi ko na sinunod naman ng tauhan.

“Riley daw ang pangalan..”

Muli itong tumango-tango sa sinasabi ng kausap. Is he talking to Leviticus? Kung marinig niya ang pangalan ko, nakatitiyak akong anumang oras ay papapasukin ako rito. Mariin akong naghintay bago matapos ang kanilang pag-uusap sa telepono.

“Ayon kay Ms. Ynares, hindi ka maaaring pumasok.” anunsyo nito na ikinalito ko.

Mas lumalim ang galit na sumisibol sa dibdib ko. Bakit hindi pwede? Ms. Ynares? Selena Ynares? Siya ang kausap ng tauhan? At kung siya nga, bakit siya narito? Magkasama ba sila ni…

Ang mga katanungang iyon ang mas lalong nagpaalab ng galit ko.

Sumabay sa galit ko ang pagbuhos ng malakas na ulan ng gabing iyon. Nilisan ko ang lugar, bigo, lito, at puno ng poot.

After that night, I never went back to his house again. All I experienced was enough. It was so clear to me that he didn’t want to see me or even talk to me. I tried, but I was completely shut off.

And maybe, he’s disgusted of me now.

That fast, he completely changed my perception of him. That’s when I learned that he really wasn’t loyal to his love for me. If he was, then I wouldn’t be this devastated now.

I learned that some people aren’t loyal to you. They are just loyal to their need of you. And once their needs change, so does their loyalty. Masakit mang tanggapin pero iyon ang masaklap na katotohanan.

Tumigil ang sasakyan sa tapat ng aking condominium. Ilang minuto nang tumila ang ulan, sinulyapan ko si Leviticus na kanina pa tahimik pagkatapos niyang humingi ng tawad dahil sa kanyang pagluha.

I removed my seatbelt and opened the door beside me. Hindi ko malaman kung bakit nagdadalawang-isip pa ako kung bababa o hindi. He was silent and he wasn’t looking at me, maybe he’s anticipating for me to get off his car. I jumped outside, bahagyang nabasa ang laylayan ng aking pantalon dahil sa tumilamksik na tubig-ulan sa kalsada.

One final glance at him, I shut the door. Sa mumunting bintana ay pinagmasdan ko siyang nakatungo at bigong-bigo ang hitsura. I didn’t know what’s gotten into him before but what I’ve seen tonight wasn’t the Leviticus I was expecting.

Tumalikod na ako bago pa man siya umalis. I licked my lower lip and I crossed my fingers when I ran back to his car. He was still there, on his same position. Nakatungo, pinagmasdan ko siyang haplusin paitaas ang kanyang buhok. Nang mapansin niya ang pagbalik ko ay nagtama ang aming paningin, bahagyang namumula ang kanyang mga pisngi.

Right in this moment, he was such a beautiful sight. He looked so soft, from his dark but warm eyes down to his tender lips, I’d give anything just to see that again.

Nagtagal ang isang minuto pero wala akong nasabi. He gave me a short smile, realizing what I wanted to say but I didn’t have the guts to do it.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, facing him dauntlessly, ready to break down my walls, surrendering what I kept inside for a very long time..

“T-Thank you.” I said to him without any pretensions or modifications, just my real plain voice. I know it was short but it was all I could think of saying.

And the moment he heard it, he raised his head and his lips parted. His eyes became more gentle this time as he gets teary-eyed once again.

Chapter 36 [Barriers]

Taas noo kong hinablot ang aking pouch at hinanap doon ang aking salamin. Andrei shut his mouth and I took that chance to stare at my reflection in the mirror. I hate to say it, pero tama nga siya. Namumula ang mukha ko, pero natural ’yon! Hindi ako naglagay ng kung anomang kolorete sa mukha para lang pumula ito.

Inaantok man pero ipinagpatuloy ko ang ginagawang pag-review at pagpirma sa mga papeles. Andrei though, is still peeking at me secretly. The only time he stopped from peeking is when I stared daggers at him. Malisyoso rin itong assistant ko e!

I was carefully reviewing the last folder for the weekly financial report when the doors opened for my father’s arrival. Sinalubong niya ako ng ngiti niyang abot-anit, para sakin ay hindi magandang simbolo iyon. It crossed my mind that he’s up to something nasty, again.

“My son, how are you doing? Kumusta ang dinaluhan mong expo?” sumimsim si Andrei at nahihiyang nagpaalam upang mabigyan kami ng pribasya sa pag-uusap. Dad occupied the seat Andrei was occupying a while ago.

To think that I didn’t learn anything from the business expo, it would be stupid of me to admit it to him. Upang mapagtakpan ay nagbigay ako ng safe na kasagutan.

“It was fine..” I exhaled, trying to sound light so that he won’t overthink. “I learned a lot..” dagdag ko pa para mas lalo siyang makumbinsi.

I learned a lot of ways on how to avoid someone. Natutunan ko rin kung paano itikom ang bibig ng matagal na oras, natutong magpanggap na pipi, maging sign language ay nasubukan ko. Sobrang dami para isa-isahin.

But I got bewildered when I notice a glint of a smile on his lips. Like there was something dirty playing on his series of thoughts that I wasn’t aware of.

“Did you… Did you two meet? Lumabas ba kayo pagkatapos ng event?” nabitawan ko ang hawak na signpen dahil sa narinig na katanungan. It was unexpected, pero sino ang tinutukoy niya?

Gulo at lito, hinintay kong dagdagan niya ang kanyang pahayag.

“Did he get your number? What happened, my son? Did you have… you know..” nagtaas-baba pa ang kanyang dalawang kilay ay animo’y kumbinsidong nagkakaintindihan kami. But to top it all, wala kong naintindihan kahit isa!

“Sino bang tinutukoy mo, dad?” direkta kong tanong pero kinunutan niya ako ng noo.

“Don’t tell me he didn’t approach you? Ang unico iho at tagapagmana ng Verdejo Industries, you didn’t meet him?!” pahayag niya.

Verdejo Industries? Ngayon ko lang narinig iyon. At bakit kailangan ma-meet ko kung sino man ang tinutukoy niya? Mahalagang tao ba ’yon?

“Estupido! That son of a… I told him to meet you! I’m gonna call him again..” gigil niyang tugon at dahil sa mga ekspresyon niya at sa kanyang mga salita ay nagkaroon ako ng clue kung anong sinasabi niya.

Nangbubugaw na naman siya ng kung sinu-sinong lalaki sa akin!

Natampal ko ang noo nang mapagtantong ganoon nga, sa dami-rami ng pino-problema ko ngayon ay dumagdag pa itong ama ko. He’s so eager to hook me up with someone, ano namang mapapala niya kung mangyari nga iyon? Mabibigyan ko ba siya ng anak? Uggh. It’s not like he’s pushing me to get laid so that I could give him grandchildren.

“How about the envelope I left here? Have you… considered one of them? Nakapili ka na b—”

“Dad! Good god! Ano ’to, bakit ba kung sinu-sino ang nirereto mo sakin? It’s not like I’m dying to look for a boyfriend or whatever! Hindi ko ikakamatay ang walang…” hindi ko naituloy ang sasabibin dahil biglang rumehistro ang mukha ni Leviticus sa aking isipan. Damn, isa pa ’yon!

“My son, hindi mo ikamamatay pero ikamamatay ko iyon kapag nawala na ako pero walang magbabantay at mag-aalaga sa’yo..” he said those words like he’s dying anytime. Nakaligtas nga siya sa stab wounds noon, ano pang ikinakatakot nito?

I shook my head out of frustration, tired of all this stupid stunts. Sa akin nakasalalay itong kompanya niya na madalas sakit sa aking ulo, bakit pa ako magdadagdag ng panibagong sakit ng ulo? At kung magbo-boyfriend ulit ako, hindi lang sakit ng ulo ’yun, kundi sakit ng buong katawan!

“You sound like dying. May sakit ka bang hindi sinasabi sakin, dad?” seryoso kong tanong dahil baka mamaya ay ipinagsasawalang bahala ko ito pero mamaya ay totoo na palang mamamatay na siya.

“No, wala akong sakit. But you have to consider this..”

I groaned and raised my head, looking at the ceiling.

“Fine! What do you want me to do? Pick one? Okay, call that person you wanted me to meet!” iritado kong tugon upang matigil na siya sa walang katapusang litanya niya. He yelled in delight as he went out of my office to make the call I ordered him to do.

Damn. Huminga ako ng malalim, inhale, exhale, again.. hindi na ako makapag-concentrate sa naudlot na ginagawa dahil ginulo ni dad ang aking utak. Sa isang tray ng folders sa gilid ng aking desk, naroon ang envelope na naglalaman ng mga litrato ng gusto niyang ibugaw sa akin noon. Gustong-gusto ko nang itapon ’yon pero nasayangan naman ako dahil magaganda ang mga pictures.

What the hell, Riley? Are you even considering it now?!

Nang sumapit ang oras ng lunch, nagpasya akong lumabas ng opisina. I usually eat at the pantry but at times like this, when I feel so stressed, I go out. Sa labas ng gusali ay mayroong linya ng mga cafe, pastry shops, na katabi rin ng ilang cabaret.

Isang tawid lang ay nakarating ako sa Bonifacio High Street, tanghaling tapat pero mabuti nalang na hindi gaanong mainit dahil natatakpan ng mga ulap ang sinag ng araw. Dahil hindi rin naman gaanong gutom o anuman, nagpasya akong magtungo sa Seattle’s Best Coffee. Hindi ako madalas dito pero nagustuhan ko ang ambience kada madadaanan ko ito. It wasn’t very spacious but the ambience is relaxing.

“Good morning, Sir!” bati ng babaeng nasa counter. I placed my order and I chose a vacant wooden table not so far from the main entrance. Maganda rin kasi ang view sa labas kaya roon ko napiling pumwesto.

I brought just my macbook pro, phone, and wallet with me. Today, I am wearing a casual black button down and a pair of brown leather shoes. Iniwan ko ang coat sa aking opisina dahil hindi naman akmang isuot ’yon sa labas ng ganitong oras.

I was busy typing on my laptop when I saw a man walked inside the shop I was in. He’s sporting a white long-sleeves with brown leather suspenders, a dark chino pants, a vintage watch, and a pair of chocolate-colored timberland boots. And he’s casually tucking his hands on his pocket, it didn’t took me more than a minute to recognize him. Sa tikas palang at pangangatawan ay alam ko kaagad na si Leviticus Amedeo Torralba iyon, wala nang iba pa.

He’s overly looking hot. Damn it.

But what is he doing here? Paano siyang napadpad dito eh may kalayuan rito ang site nila?

“Good morning, Sir Levi!” bati ng parehong babaeng kumuha ng order ko kanina. It even occured to me that he’s a frequent customer here observing that the staff knows him.

Dumaan ang kanyang mga mata sa aking table pero lumiko rin iyon at parang umaktong hindi ako nakita o napansin.

Bumalik ako sa ginagawa at nagcheck ako ng mga nareceived na emails at reviews sa mga nakaraang kliyente namin. But every other second, my eyes would go up to check him. Tapos na yata siyang mag-order kaya naghanap na siya nang mapu-pwestuhan pero nagtama ang paningin namin, kunwari pang umawang ang kanyang labi dahil doon.

Sa tingin niya ba naniniwala akong coincidence itong nangyayari? Mapagpanggap!

“Narito ka pala..” his lips rose for a short smile when he tried to approach me. Hinawakan niya pa ang isang upuan upang sana’y hatakin iyon pero ini-angkla ko ang binti ko sa paa ng upuang iyon para hindi niya makuha.

“What are you doing here?” walang takot kong tanong, wala na ring pakialam kung mas makilala niya ang boses ko.

It was so subtle that he licked his lower lip and then caressed the back of his head.

“Come on, let me sit with you. You look… lonely here, you might want some company?” he whispered gracefully like sitting here lonely was something so obvious.

I was sitting in a four-seat table, sandali akong na-distract dahil sa kanyang sinabi at ngayo’y hinatak naman niya ang isa pang upuan at mabilis na inupuan iyon upang hindi mahatak ng binti ko.

“There are so many vacant tables, Leviticus. Bakit dito pa?” sarkastikong tanong ko, sabik na sabik siyang paalisin dahil masyado siyang… hot tignan ngayon..

He leaned forward and I got a clearer view of his gorgeous face, there are stubble marks on his lower face, tanda na nakapag-ahit ito noong nakaraan. He stared at me for a whole damn minute before his lips parted to say something.

“I miss your voice, Riley..” then he purposely bit one side of his lips. Damn. That was… smooth.. fine!

Ganitong-ganito siya noong nililigawan pa lang niya ako. Alam niya ang kahinaan ko kaya isang seduce lang ay bumibigay na rin ako, pero hindi na ngayon! Hindi na ako marupok gaya ng dati, immune na ako sa kanya, huh!

Natahimik kaming dalawa nang maunang dumating ang pagkain ko. I murmured a ‘thank you’ to the guy who served my food while Levi’s watching and looking down on my food, kumunot ang noo niya na animo’y pati pagkain ay inaaway niya.

“I thought this is your lunch? Pero ganitong kakaunti ang kakainin mo?” puna niya na kailanman ay hindi ko hiningi.

Hindi ko na naipagpatuloy ang ginagawa sa aking laptop dahil sa pangingialam niya. I ordered a flavored vanilla latte and a slice of chocolate concorde cake, this is all for my… lunch, yeah he’s right. Anong problema rito?

“Hindi ako gutom. At hindi ko kailangan ang opinyon mo kung anong kakainin ko.” tiniklop ko ang macbook upang bigyang pansin ang aking pagkain.

I was a bit excited to taste the chocolate concorde cake, it looked so delicious! Kapag may free time ako, pag-aaralan ko itong i-bake, hindi na iyong putapeteng apple pie na ’yon!

“You don’t need my opinion but look at you… you lost a lot of.. weight..” muling puna niya kaya natigil ako sa pagtitig sa slice ng cake. Maganda sana ang mood ko ngayong oras na ito kung hindi siya nagpakita.

And what about my weight? I didn’t lost a lot of weight, my body is just slim because I go to the gym. At mataba ba ako noon?

“What do you mean by that? You were blind, how could you tell that now?”

Dismissing all the ideas about him recognizing my real identity, I continued with my tirades because I couldn’t take it anymore.

“I was just blind, Riley. But I was able to touch you, so I can tell..” he whispered deceptively that made me forget my next statements.

Inismiran ko siya nang mapagtantong iba ang kahulugan ng sinabi niya sakin. Nagbalik sa alaala ko ang tagpo namin sa isang… bathtub..

“W-Whatever! Leave me alone. At bakit ka rin napadpad dito? Ano, napadaan ka lang kahit ilang kilometro ang layo nito sa kompanya mo?”

Gusto ko na ring tampalin ang sarili ko dahil ang lakas kong makapagsabi ng ‘leave me alone’ pero ako naman itong tanong nang tanong sa kanya. Riley, are you out of your mind?

“Bawal ba ako rito? Was there any signage that says I am not welcome here?” pilosopong tugon niya na mas lalo kong ikinairita.

Sa paraan niya ng pagsagot ay mas lalong lumakas ang hinala kong sinasadya niya ang pagpapakita rito! Talagang dinayo niya pa ako rito? At paano niyang nalaman na narito ako? Did he hire someone to tail me?

“Whatever!” iyon nalang ang nasabi ko dahil wala na akong maisip na ikokontra laban sa kanya.

Hindi nagtagal ay dumating din naman ang in-order niya. Kumpara sa akin ay marami iyong kanya at mukhang pang-dalawang tao. Gaano siya kagutom para maubos ang lahat ng ’yan? It was total of four plates, oo apat na plato!

Kinuha niya ang ilang plato sa tapat niya at inilipat sa gilid ng akin. What the hell?! Anong kalokohan ito? Napatitig ako roon sa mga pagkain, nakakatakam pero nauuna ang iritasyon ko.

“It’s perfect that I ordered more than enough, so let me share the other to you.” aniya.

Laglag ang panga ko, hindi na makapaniwala sa mga nangyayari. Dalawang plato ng ham omelette, smoked salmon at sausages ang inilapag niya roon sa gilid ng plato ko.

“A-Are you serious, Leviticus??”

He raised an eyebrow, acting like I threw him a stupid question. “Dead serious, sugar lips…” he murmured with his hoarse yet attractive tone of voice.

Motherfucking….

“He’s a part of me that I’ll always need, so I can’t let him go..” naalala ko iyong mga salita niya kagabi. Balak niya bang… totohanin iyon?! Nasisiraan na ba siya ng ulo?

Kahit puno ng naipong iritasyon kay Leviticus, ay nagawa ko pa ring ubusin iyong mga dinagdag niyang pagkain. Nagulat din ako dahil ’di ko inaasahang mauubos ko ang lahat ng ’yon dahil tinatak ko sa utak kong hindi ako gaanong gutom, napagtanto kong minsan talaga nililinlang lang tayo ng utak natin.

“How did you know that I was Riley?” nagsimula ako ng isang seryosong usapan sa pagitan namin dahilan ng pag-angat ng kanyang mga mata.

Nagpunas siya ng labi gamit ang table napkins. “The moment I held your waist when you bumped into me, I know it was you.”

Nagkaroon ako ng sariling imbestigasyon sa aking utak tungkol sa lahat ng nangyari kahapon sa business expo. Ang tinutukoy niya ay iyong nagkabangaan kami? E iyon ang pinakaunang beses na tagpo namin, ah? Ganoong kabilis, nalaman niya kaagad? Pinaglololoko ba ako nito o nagpapasikat lang?

Matagal akong natahimik dahil sa mga sariling naiisip kaya muli siyang nagsalita.

“Did you really think that I wouldn’t recognize you? Your scent is so distinct, even the way you act, kahit wala akong nakikita noon pero alam ko kung paano ka gumalaw. Something told me not to get convinced but everytime our eyes meet, I know it was you in the very beginning..”

Nakatitig nalang ako sa kanya ngayon habang nakikinig sa kanyang mga litanya.

“You even baked an apple pie for those guys, I got so jealous na kahit tira-tira nalang nila ay kinain ko pa rin dahil alam kong ginawa mo ’yon.” walang pakundangang dagdag niya, binabalikan ang mga naganap sa expo.

Kinain niya? Kailan? Noong nahuli ko siyang ngumunguya nang kausapin ako ni Symon?

“Alam mo ba kung gaano kasakit sa aking magpanggap na hindi kita nakikilala? Nagbaka sakali ako na baka lumapit ka sakin at umamin sa katauhan mo, hanggang sa ihatid kita, hindi mo pa rin ginawa. Sabik na sabik akong hagkan ka pero nakaramdam ako na parang ayaw mong makilala kita. Na parang gusto mong kalimutan nalang kita…” miserableng dugtong niya, heto na naman at nasasaktan na naman ako sa mga salita niya.

But I can’t blame him because what I did to avoid him was really painful. Pero parehas lang naman kaming nasaktan.

“But your final words to me last night gave me a little bit of hope. Kahit kakarampot lang, ipaglalaban ko dahil mahal pa rin kita!”

Hinilot ko ang aking magkabilang sintido at hindi na naitago ang mga luhang tumakas sa aking mga mata. After all I’ve done, mahal pa rin niya ako? After all those years of pain and no communication, he’s still into me?

“M-My father would kill you if he knows that I’m seeing you, or even talking to you..” bigkas ko, nanginginig dahil sa mga luhang ayaw magpapigil. He leaned closer and hold my hands. Nanatili ang titig ko roon, sa paghawak na iyon ay nakaipon ako ng lakas kahit papaano.

“Do you think I care, Riley? Handa akong makipagpatayan para lang sa’yo..” he touched the side of my cheeks to wipe away the tears.

Itinaboy ko ang kanyang mga kamay nang maalala ko ang nakaraan.

“And what about that day when you called the guards on me three years ago? Kinampihan mo pa ang babaeng ’yon!” maanghang kong paratang dahil isa ’yon sa mga rason kung bakit nabahiran ng pagdududa ang tiwala ko sa kanya.

“Wala akong kinampihan, Riley. I called the guards so that you won’t escape and we can talk. You misinterpreted it? That’s not what I was thinking that day. I know you’re not a fucking spy!” may tamang diin niyang pakahulugan.

I misinterpreted it? In the end, it was my fault? It was my… stupidity?

“Come on, Riley. Let’s forget about the past and let’s just get married!” nabigla ako sa kanyang sunod na sinabi, halos naibuga ko pa ang inuubos na latte. Inabutan niya ako ng table napkins habang sumisilip sa mukha ko.

“Are you serious? ’Yan pa rin talaga ang iniisip mo pagkatapos ng lahat ng nangyari? I can’t believe you…” tumahan na ako at napalitan ng normal na pakiramdam. That fast he changed our line of conversation. Madamdamin na kanina pero ngayon ay nauwi na naman sa…

“Ano pa bang hinihintay mo? I’m already thirty-three and I’m getting old! At paano kung maagaw ka pa ng iba?” nababaliw niyang mga ideya na nahirapan akong lunukin. Pero natawa ako nang banggitin niya ang kanyang edad.

“Anong pakialam ko sa edad mo? I’m still twenty-eight and I don’t need to rush..” nalukot ang mukha niya dahil sa sinabi ko.

Nalulukot na rin ang kasuotan niya dahil sa likot niya sa kanyang upuan, hindi mapakali dahil ayaw ko pang mag-settle down. Kasalanan ko bang mas matanda siya sakin? Kasalanan ko bang pumatol siya sa mas bata ng limang taon? Tapos ipi-pressure niya ako ngayon sa pagpapakasal?

“You say that because you’re not in my position. I thought you love me? Within those years that have passed, nabawasan ba ang pagmamahal mo sakin? Dapat bang ipaalala ko sa’yo lahat?” ewan ko ba kung nanghahamon siya ngayon o ano, ’di ko na siya masundan.

“Leviticus, my lunch is over. I need to go back…” niligpit ko na ang mga gamit ko habang siya’y natatarantang tumayo at tinulungan ako.

“Riley, just tell me if you don’t love me anymore and I’ll fucking stop this.” banta niya.

Nang makuha ang macbook at cellphone ay naglakad na ako palabas ng cafe habang umiiling-iling.

“See? You’re not answering! So you still love me, huh?” kompiyansado na niyang pahayag ngayon habang hinahabol ang paglalakad ko.

“Whatever, Levi. I need to go.” my final words to him, not giving him an exact answer to his question because even myself don’t know if I really still love him. Pero sino ang niloloko ko? Baka isang halik lang niya ay bumigay na ulit ako.

Mabilis na ang lakad ko pero nagulat ako nang biglang may humatak sa aking braso. It happened so quick but I felt Levi’s lips on mine. I didn’t push him or fight him. He grazed my lips and kissed me hungrily.. invading my mouth aggressively.. losing all my senses.. completely surrendering to him.. and with that, all my barriers fell down.

Tama ako. Isang halik lang, bumigay na ulit ako.

Chapter 37 [Alive]

My disheveled hair just completed the puzzled look on my face in the mirror. Iyong dumating ako sa puntong akala ko matatag na ako, akala ko tumibay na ang pundasyon ko, ’yung akala ko ay wala nang muling makakaapekto sa akin o sa mga emosyon ko, pero akala ko lang pala ang lahat ng iyon!

One kiss is all it takes, good god!

But that is the truth and I gotta live with that, not keep it bottled in. So I’m not gonna lose my mind the next time he appears on my face, again.

Mayroon mang mga katanungan sa aking utak na nananatiling walang sagot, ang mas mahalaga ay ipagpatuloy ko muna kung anong meron ako ngayon. I need to live with it.

I took a day off the next day.

Hatak-hatak ang isang push cart, tinahak ko ang daan paliko sa section ng dry and baking goods upang maghanap ng mga sangkap para sa aking pag-aaralang i-bake ngayong araw. Tuluyan ko nang kinalimutan ang apple pie dahil hindi maganda ang mga alaalang nabuo roon, ngayon mag-aaral ako ng bago. I needed to learn another aside from that pie that always reminds me the face of someone.

Kinuha ko ang lahat ng ingredients na kakailanganin, tulak ang push cart ay lumipat ako sa dairy section upang manguha ng itlog, butter, cheese, at pati na rin ang gatas. Naghanap ako ng magandang brand ng gatas mula pa sa pinakaibaba ng shelf, kung kaya’t kailangan kong umi-squat doon upang makapili nang maayos.

Eksaktong pagtayo ko ay napansin ko ang bulto ng isang pigura na biglang nagtago sa dulo ng mga shelves. Kumbinsidong halusinasyon ko lamang iyon, itinulak ko ang cart patungo naman sa kabilang section.

Isang plain at loose na white shirt ang suot ko ngayon na may logo ng bahaghari sa bandang dibdib nito, tinernuhan ko ng ripped shorts at itim na arizona slippers, I feel comfy whenever I dress like this. To think that it’s my day off, I was supposed to attend a gym session today pero heto ako ngayon at nagtutulak ng grocery cart.

My eyes focused on the nutrition facts of a yogurt I was holding when I felt like someone is looking at me, that weird feeling when everyone is busy with their own lives but you sense that something is off. I poke my head thinking that maybe it’s the lack of sleep in me talking and feeling.

Isang liko ko pa patungo sa beverage section nang maramdaman kong muli na may kakaiba talaga. Someone is obviously following me around! Lumingon-lingon ako sa paligid, ilang dipa ang layo sa akin ay namataan ko ang isang lalaking nakatalikod na parang may tinitignan sa loob ng isang fridge. Hubog palang ng likod nito ay kilala ko na!

“And why are you following me??” aktong patakas ito nang salubungin ko. Pumula ang mukha nito at nagkamot ng kanyang batok. Sa laking bulas niya ay akala niya siguro hindi ko siya mahahalata.

“Lev, what are you doing here? Are you stalking me or something?” kumibot ang mga labi ko dahilan kung bakit napunta roon ang tingin niya. Kinailangan ko pang pitikin ang ilong niya para lamang umakyat ang mga mata sa akin.

He fondled his nose after. “Why would your future husband need to stalk you? Tsk. I was just.. looking for something to drink… yeah!” nilawakan niya ang pagkakabukas sa fridge at kumuha roon ng isang inumin.

No matter how hard he plays this act on me, I would never believe that he would show up here just to look for something to drink, hindi ba uso sa kanya ang tindahan? Bakit dito pa sa malaking grocery shop siya maghahanap? At anong sinabi niya, future h-husband?

“Husband my ass, wala pa akong balak na magpakasal! At paano ka nakasisigurong ikaw ’yon? Napakaraming lalaki riyan na pwede kong pagpilian!” mabilis na dumilim ang emosyon sa kanyang mukha dahil sa narinig.

Considering those guys Dad were presenting, it occured to me that I can really have a lot of options. Doon sa hindi kagwapuhan, pwede na siguro. Ayaw ko ng gwapo, dahil kapag gwapo sakit sa ulo! Maraming kaagaw, maraming komplikasyon, maraming hadlang! Sakit na sa ulo, sakit pa sa pantog!

Going back to my old preference for guys, I used to like rougher guys. Levi might be looking gruff but he’s normally gentle and soft when he’s down. But he’s outright the exact opposite of my ideal man. Hindi ko nga rin alam kung bakit siya ang nagustuhan ko noon, siguro dahil mapilit siya?

“Why are you even thinking of choosing? Baka nakakalimutan mong ako pa rin ang boyfriend mo? Mag-aapat na taon na tayo.” he said proud and I even caught a ghost of smile on his lips. Wasn’t it technically invalid? Matagal kaming nawalan ng komunikasyon, walang pag-uusap, ni hawak o pagkikita wala, kaya paanong kami pa rin hanggang ngayon?

“Considering those three years of no attachment, no communication, nothing at all, you’re still thinking that we are…”  suhestiyon kong hindi natapos dahil hindi maisalin sa mga salita, pero baka maisip din niyang tama ako at ang tagal nga naman naming hindi nagkita at nagkausap..

“Yeah, kasama pa rin ’yon. Hindi ka naman nagcheat nang mga oras na ’yun ’di ba? Same with me. And we clearly had no closure. Kaya ibig sabihin, our relationship is still valid. Legal and binding.” he nodded, agreeing to his own words.

Just like the old times, we talk about our relationship as if it’s just a business agreement.  But the memory of the last evening I came to his house, he was with Selena and she shut me off. I don’t know the other parts to that story, though. I washed away those thoughts for a moment since this is not the time and place to think about that.

“Unless… you really cheated.. d-did you?”

Habang umiiling sa kahibangan niya, itinulak ko ang cart pero inagaw niya iyon sa mga kamay ko. Dahil sa angking haba ng mga biyas, madali niya akong naungusan sa paglalakad tulak-tulak ang cart.

“Levi!”

Hinabol ko siya, sa inis ay hinatak ko pa ang dulo ng damit niya para lamang maabutan ko siya. I had a slight chance to see his lower back because of it, but I’m telling you it wasn’t a good idea. The ripples of muscles on his back are.. disturbing.. even to think that I’m in a grocery store and having those thoughts? Shame!

“Let me push the cart. Kunin mo na ang lahat ng kailangan mo.” utos niya, hanep kung makapag-mando sa akin. What is this? Why is he playing the role of a good husband? Kahit gusto kong kiligin ay mas nanaig ang pagtataka sa akin.

I had no choice but to follow his words. It helped a bit, though. Dumami na kasi ang laman ng cart at medyo bumigat na ito, mas mahirap itulak pero itinutulak niya iyon na parang wala lang sa kanya ang bigat.

Of course, with his extremely massive built, long powerful legs and durable arms, there was nothing he couldn’t do. I can’t help but notice his clothes. Levi’s outfit for today is a slim fit long-sleeved oxford shirt paired with his denim jeans and his timberland boots. The sleeves of his shirt is rolled up on his arms, a perfect fold to reveal his forearms. Damn, this man is wittingly hot!

Did I say hot? No! I did not! Maybe I said, not hot?! Whatever! Good god!

Nasa likuran niya ako at kita ko ang malapad niyang likod, pasulyap-sulyap siya sakin kada minuto, animo’y maglalaho ako sa harapan niya anumang oras.

Muli kong sinuri ang nutrition facts sa likod ng bote ng isang protein shake nang mapansin ko ang madalas na atensyong nakukuha niya mula sa ibang mamimili. May dumaan pang ilang babae na maghahagikgikan at parang mga bubwit na magbubulungan. Some of the female stock clerks were goggling their eyes to Leviticus, and will eventually chuckle with malice.

Mga ignorante!

Ngayon lang nakakita ng gwapo sa talambuhay niyo?!

Waring nakahalata na si Levi roon kaya hinatak kong muli ang laylayan ng damit niya upang makuha ang pansin niya.

“Anong pipiliin ko, ito o ito?” upang maagaw ang atensyon niya, ipinakita ko sa kanya ang dalawang bote ng magkaibang protein shake. Iyong isa ay organic at ang isa’y hindi. He looked so bored while he looks at it.

“Are you serious? Anong alam ko riyan?” bagot niyang tanong. See? Ang lakas ng loob niyang makapagsabi ng husband eh hindi niya nga kayang gawin ang mga bagay na ’to? Pangatawanan pa kaya?

“This one’s organic but pricey. This other one is cheap but inorganic, ano sa tingin mo?” paliwanag ko pero hindi pa rin nabago ang bagot niyang ekspresyon, walang kainte-interes sa mga boteng hawak ko.

Upang magdagdag ng pagpipilian, kumuha ako ng pangatlong bote pero organic rin iyon katulad ng nauna ngunit mas mura ito kumpara sa isa.

“How about this? This one’s organic too but cheaper than the first organic?” pinagtabi ko ang parehong organic na bote sa harapan niya. Ngayon ay kumunot pa lalo ang kanyang noo. Gulong-gulo na siguro sa mga pinaggagawa ko, pero iyon naman ang goal ko, ang guluhin siya!

Bagot pa rin ang ekspresyon niya pero nakatitig na roon sa mga boteng hawak ko.

“That one is a decoy, it probably has lower quality compared to that one that’s why it’s cheaper, it’s obvious that whoever manufactures that wants to influence your decision..” napanganga ako dahil hindi ko akalaing seseryohin niya ang bagay na ito.

“How did you know about that?”

He sighed, rolling his eyes at me. “Smart marketing, slowpoke..” then he pinched my nose.

Sabi ko nga, mas magaling siya pagdating sa negosyo!

“Whatever! So ano ngang pipiliin ko?” pagbabalik ko sa aking tanong na hindi naman niya sinagot.

“Does that even matter if you’re just gonna drink it anyway? Just fucking choose anything, Riley..” he uttered in a hoarse voice, the jaded expression on his face tells me that he doesn’t care at all.

“See? You’re saying that you wanna be a husband but you can’t even do these little things. For sure you’ve already experienced that with your previous wife, but being my husband is a different story, Leviticus.” I wasn’t actually supposed to take this seriously since I was just trying to steal his attention but now that he doesn’t seem interested, I got pissed off.

“What? Once we get married we’ll hire someone to do the groceries, Riley..” aniya, ipinagtatanggol ang sarili sa panghuhusga ko pero inilingan ko iyon.

“No, I always do the groceries, Levi. So like it or not, you need to get used to this. Kung ayaw mo, madali naman akong kaus—”

“Goddamn! Just take the first organic one for god’s sake!” now, there was a deep-seated tension in his voice that I was rooting for. I like this energy from him, though. Hindi ’yung katulad nang kanina na bagot at hindi interesado.

Ngayon mas may energy na siya, galit nga lang.

“Okay!” kinuha ko ang organic na protein shake at iniwan sa shelf ’yung mga hindi napili. Ang bilis lang naman ng proseso ’di ba? Pinatagal pa kasi niya, pinapapili lang e ang daming satsat!

We walked the way towards the cashier with a smile on my face. Observing the man beside me who looked so out-of-place because of his attire, still he stands out among the rest of the men here. Dahil naka-long sleeves pa siya ay papasa na siya bilang manager ng grocery shop na ito!

Natawa ako sa sariling iniisip nang mapansin niya akong nagpipigil ng tawa. I bit my lip.

“What’s your problem? Why are you smiling?” his brows were now tied in a knot, the curious cashier piqued our attention by telling us to push the cart further.

“Nothing, mauna ka na roon sa labas at ako na ang bahalang magbayad.” pagtataboy ko sa kanya pero kasalukuyang dinudukot niya ang kanyang wallet ay pinigilan ko na agad.

“May pera din ako, Lev. I have a lot of cards, too. Doon ka na, buhatin mo ’yung mga paperbag!” utos ko sa kanya na parang aso dahil natutuwa ako sa kanyang reaksyon. He pursed his lips like a kid while walking closer to the end of the line and waiting for the bagger to finish.

He’s such a massive man and he definitely doesn’t fit into this kind of place. Sa suot pa lang niya, baka mapagkamalan nga siyang manager o may-ari ng store na ito.

Naunang matapos ang bagger kaya nauna ring lumabas si Leviticus sa shop samantalang ako’y hinintay pa ang sukli sa lahat ng napamili.

With the wallet on my hand, I sashayed towards the exit where I saw the famous jeep wrangler on the parking lot and beside it is Leviticus leaning on the door.

“Nasaan na ang mga pinamili ko?”

He opened the door to the shotgun seat, acting like he didn’t hear what I asked.

“Get in. Nasa loob na ang mga pinamili mo. Ihahatid na kita.”

Nagtaxi ako papunta rito kanina dahil pinakuha ko pa ang naiwang sasakyan sa hotel na dinaluhan namin noong nakaraan at upang palitan ang mga gulong nito. Ngayong siya na ang nagprisintang ihahatid ako ay nagpatianod nalang ako upang hindi na mahirapan pa.

“Hatid lang, Levi.” paalala ko nang makasakay siya sa driver’s seat.

He took a brief moment to examine my face, the reason why I kept a poker face. He leaned forward, pulling something from beneath.

“Seriously, Riley why are you still mad at me?” nagtaka ako dahil hindi niya pa pinapaandar ang sasakyan, nanatili kami roon sa parking lot.

Hindi ko siya pinansin at humalukipkip pa para ipakitang wala akong interes na pag-usapan ang paksang iyon.

I heard him drew a long deep breath. “Riley, kung may kailangan tayong pag-usapan, let’s talk about it now. What still bothers you? I heard nagkita kayo noon ni Legend, anong napag-usapan niyo?”

Now that he mentioned his brother, sumagi sa alaala ko ang nangyari noon sa meeting with the Del Grandes, and the time I talked to his brother on the phone about Levi’s restored vision.

Umisod pa si Levi upang makalapit sa akin. His left hand remained on top of the steering wheel while his right hand finds its way through my face. He traced my face using his fingertips, very slowly, from my eyes, down to nose and to my lips. Just like how he traced it before when he was still blind.

“Come on, let me hear your thoughts. Kung nag-iisip kang may babae ako, wala Riley. I never had sex for…” tumingala siya at parang nagbilang pa kung gaano na katagal, “the last time I had sex was with you, yeah I admit that I touched myself within those years that you were gone while fantasizing abo—”

“Stop it. Good god! I’m not thinking about that, Levi!” I frowned because he even have the guts to share what he did to satisfy his own… and that’s not helping.. lumiliko ang isipan ko sa kung saan.

Visualizing him touching himself while thinking about me… oh god forgive me for I have sinned!

“Then what is it? Come on, sugar lips, tell me..” he tried to raise my chin with his fingers so that we’ll make eye contact. His eyes narrowed down to my lips, tempted to feel it but never tried.

Enclosed inside his vehicle, with his overall presence and his soothing voice didn’t help. Nanlulumo na ang mga binti ko at nanghihina, bakit ganito ako kahina pagdating sa kanya? Why does he have so much authority in me? Ang katawan ko, parang parte na din ng kanya na kusang kumikilos kapag ginusto niya.

“You tagged me as the spy.” unang bigkas ko upang matapos na ito.

“Of course not, seriously that’s what your thinking?” may sagot na siya kaagad, hindi pinag-isipan dahil siguradong-sigurado roon.

“I came that day to your company because I wanted to talk to you, because I still trust you… not until that woman came at me.” namuo ang nanahimik kong galit noon habang inaalala ang mga naganap ng araw na ’yun.

“Woman? Who?”

“Sino pa ba, edi yung mapapel mong sekretarya!” hindi ko napigilang magtaas ng boses dahil kumulo na naman ang dugo ko sa babaeng iyon.

Umawang ang labi niya. “You mean.. Liz? What did she say to you? I told everyone that you are not the spy.”

Well, maybe she had her own judgment of me that’s why it happened. Pero sumobra naman kasi siya ng mga oras na ’yun. Takot siguro siyang malugi ang negosyo at mawalan siya ng trabaho kaya ako ang pinagbintangan niya kahit na wala namang sapat na katibayan.

“She told me all the hateful words I could hear, Levi. She was so fascinated with the idea that I was the one snitching and stealing information from you.”

The way he gritted his teeth and how his jaw became tensed didn’t go unnoticed.

“I’ll take care of her. What else?” hinilot niya ang kanyang sintido habang nagtatanong. Anong take care of her? Anong balak niyang gawin?

“Take care of her?” ulit ko.

“What else, Riley?” he commanded, ignoring my question.

“A-And…” sumagi sa isipan ko ang gabing hindi ako pinayagang makapasok sa bahay niya. Ms. Ynares, si Selena lamang ang naisip kong nasa likod noon.

“S-Some Ms. Ynares shut me off from getting inside your house.” banggit ko, nagdalawang isip pa ako kung tama bang sabihin ko sa kanya ’yun dahil ’di rin naman talaga ako sigurado kung si Selena nga iyon. I can’t infer any idea why is she going to do that. And she’s probably not the only Ynares, maybe it’s her mom?

“Selena Ynares? When was that?” tumigil na siya sa paghilot ng kanyang sintido at bumalik sa akin ang mga mata.

Umiling ako bilang tugon dahil hindi ko na rin maalala kung kailan.

“That was the last time I tried to talk to you, but you had a lot of security, and someone told me that Ms. Ynares didn’t allow me to go inside. Maybe, you were busy doing something with that… person.. or whatever..” umismid ako at kinagat ang labi.

“That was Selena, when she visited. But I wasn’t home, I was always at the site. Hindi kami nakapagkita ng gabing ’yun.”

Shit. So that was it? I was… shut off by the people who isn’t supposed to shut me off? Thinking that it was all Leviticus’ fault? Pero kung ganoon nga, hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ang daming babaeng pumapel ng mga panahong iyon. I don’t have anything against Selena, she was kind to me and she probably had reasons to do that, while Liz on the other end is an outright nitpicker!

“All along you were thinking that I’m gonna hurt you? That I was thinking of harming you? Fuck the business, Riley I don’t care if I lose it, you’re the one I don’t wanna lose.” he inched closer and the moment he’s about to seal my lips, I placed my index finger between our lips.

“No kiss, Leviticus. Again, nakakarami ka na.” i exaggerated it since I always tend to get weak whenever he’s touching me.

“Oh come on! I’ve waited for three fucking years for this, don’t you know how thirsty I am right now?” he groaned and whimpered like a spoiled kid.

T-Thirsty? What a word! Good god! Anong tingin niya sakin, mahiwagang tubig na makakapawi ng uhaw niya? Pagkain na ikabubusog niya? Naging marupok na ako no’ng nakaraan, hindi na mauulit ’yun. I have values. I have principles. Tinatak ko sa sarili kong lalaki lang ’yan at mabubuhay ako ng wala sila.

Afterwards, he sighed deeply and looked at me with eyes yearning for something.

“Grant me a kiss or not, I still fucking love you, Riley. But please don’t…. don’t restrain me from kissing you, I would lose my mind. I would put up even if it’s just an occasional kiss, damn..” panghihikayat niya, he even held my hands while staring at me with his puppy awful eyes.

Occasional kiss? Anong pinagsasabi nito? Dapat mahal niya ako, may halik man o wala. May sex man o wala. He’d rather be dry, but at least I’m with him, and at least he’s alive!

Chapter 38 [Visitor]

I jumped outside his jeep wrangler nang makarating kami sa tapat ng isang residential building, muntikan pa akong matalisod dahil sa tangkad ng sasakyan niya. Hindi ko na hinintay pang makalabas siya, I went straight to open the door of the passenger seat and tried to grab all the paperbags. Upon several attempts, I failed considering it was a total of five paperbags.

“Let me help you.” a mixture of male perfume and a minty scent attacked my nostrils when he placed himself behind me.

“Lev, kaya ko. Ako na.” pagmamatigas ko kahit na alam kong walang pag-asa.

The frown on his face becomes evident. “How?  How are you gonna carry all these paperbags?” may pagka-sarkastikong tanong nito sakin, breaking down my trying-hard fortitude then he took the remaining three paperbags in one easy swoop.

Dalawang paperbag lang ang nadala ko, ngayong nasa bisig niya ang iba pang pinamili ay kailangan niya pa akong ihatid sa loob ng aking unit. Bakit ba kasi ang dami nitong napamili ko? Mag-isa lang din naman akong nakatira rito pero pang-isang buwan na yata ang binili ko.

I was in the middle of my own thoughts when he called my name that caught my full attention.

“Are you gonna lead the way or not?” bagot niyang tanong pero may nakakubling ngiti doon sa labi niya na mabilis ding naglaho.

Of course! It’s my condo unit so I should lead the way! Good god! Why did I stall too much in front of him, anyway?

Dala ng saglit na pagkapahiya, naglakad ako ng mas mabilis kaysa sa normal kong lakad. I stopped in front of the elevators and pressed the button. Nang balikan ng tingin ang nakabuntot na si Leviticus, saka ko lamang napansing nahuli siya. The paperbags made it difficult for me to find his face, three steps away from me when he uttered something.

“Ang bilis mong maglakad.  Balak mo ba akong iwan?” he pointed that out while I was waiting for the elevator doors to open.

“Ako ba ang nagpumilit na magbitbit niyan? Tsaka mabilis talaga akong maglakad, so you should learn how to keep up.” it was a bold-faced lie, though. Binilisan ko lang talaga ang hakbang ko dahil hindi ko matagalan ang maliit na distanya niya sa akin.

Leviticus is such a test to my own values in life. He’s always been like that since then. Isang hipo lang niya sa bahagi ng katawan ko, nagliliyab na ako, hindi sa galit, pero dahil sa ibang emosyon.

Pinagmasdan ko naman ang mukha niya pagkatapos kong sabihin iyon. Not sure if he took note of it or it just faded out from his mind. Carrying three paperbags with so much weight, his biceps looked challenged. Dala niya yata ang paperbag na naglalaman ng mga mabibigat na produkto ng gatas at mga baking ingredients.

I gazed away from the sight of it. Inhaling deeply as I lose breath all of a sudden. With all these thoughts in my head, ako pa yata ang mas uhaw sa aming dalawa. Lahat nalang, konting kibot, napapansin ko sa kanya. And everything about him shouts sexy, I was stupidly thinking if he could at least tone it down or something?

But it was all natural so I need to deal with it by not looking at it or giving importance about it. See? I talk to much about it. How would I even stop?

“Kanina pa nakabukas ang elevator, Riley. Are we gonna get inside or take the stairs?” Levi’s voice became the cue to move back to reality. Bukas na nga ang elevator pero nakatunganga pa rin ako sa kinatatayuan.

Umismid ako at pilit na pumasok sa loob ng elevator. Sumunod siya at pumwesto sa tabi ko. I showed a card to the scanner to access the button to my designated floor. Once again, I need to ride an elevator with him. With him. Seriously, how would I wash him away from my bubble of thoughts? He’s been in my system since we met at the expo, and it’s close to fucking me up!

And the sight of Leviticus inside my unit is… really not a good picture….

“Are you living alone or should I expect some… boyfriend hiding in your unit?” I can’t stomach his tone of mockery, binalingan ko siya at kung nakakamatay lang ang tingin ay kanina pa siya bumulagta riyan.

“I don’t have a boyfriend.” I told him that but I realized it sounded so affirmative to his ears, “well, I wish I have…” dagdag kong bulong dahilan nang pagbagsak ng ngiti niya.

“Don’t wish you have when you already have a boyfriend in front of you, Riley..” those words came out of his mouth like it was a big matter of fact. Boyfriend my ass.

Besides, I don’t really know what’s going to be our setup or will it be the same like the old times? Pero ang dami nang nagbago at panahong lumipas, how are we gonna keep up with each other’s changes. Well, personally he clearly has nothing too much to worry about me because it seems to him that he can handle all the bullshits I’m throwing at him, on the other end, ako ang mahihirapan sa kanya. Ang mga mata niyang nakakakita na ngayon ay unang-una na sa listahan ko.

The elevator dinged when it opened. Nauna akong lumabas at lagi naman siyang nakasunod sa akin kaya hindi ko na nilingon pa. Hindi kalayuan ang unit ko sa elevator kaya ilang hakbang lang ay nasa tapat na kami ng aking kwarto.

“Dito nalang, pwede mo nang ibaba, Levi.” utos ko sa kanya, hindi muna binubuksan ang pintuan ng aking silid. There’s no way he would invade my personal space. Wala nang matitira sakin kapag ginawa niya ’yun!

“Mahihirapan ka pa, riyan na sa loob ko ibababa.”

Malakas ang loob kong palusot nalang niya ang mga ito kaya niya pinagpipilitan ang kanyang gusto. I tried to steal the paperbags in his chest but he moved away from my grasp. Napamura ako at pinandilatan siya ng mata.

“Bakit ayaw mo akong papasukin sa loob? I helped you with these paperbags, it would be so rude if you can’t offer me anything to drink or at least water.” nagawa niya pang konsensyahin ako para lang payagan ko siya.

Uhaw na uhaw ba siya para dito manguha ng tubig sa unit ko?

His eyes darkened and stood still in front of me, not willing to waver down his flag or something.

“O baka may tinatago ka talaga riyang kalaguyo, huh? You’re cheating on me?” his accusatory tone made my brows furrowed more. He is so into the idea of me replacing him, not that I don’t want to replace him but this is just so childish!

Three years have passed, I was expecting him to be more rational and mature but here he is, tumatandang paurong!

“Wala nga akong boyfriend! Mag-isa ako rito!”

“Then prove it! Open the goddamn door, Riley.” pananakot niya, bahagya akong naalarma sa kanyang tono pero napagtanto kong sinasadya niya iyon para mapasunod ako.

Nilunok ko ang aking pride at napilitang buksan ang pintuan sa aking unit. Hindi pa ako nakakaahon sa galit nang mauna pa siyang pumasok sa loob. This dumbass!

Agad akong sumunod at binuksan ang mga ilaw. Sinara ko ang pintuan pagkatapos, pagbalik ko ng tingin ay nawala na siya sa paningin ko. Nagsimula akong mataranta pero nang masulyapan ko ang kitchen ay naroon pala siya, nilalapag ang mga paperbags.

“Okay na riyan, Levi. Salamat, pero pwede ka nang umalis.” walang tabas kong pagpapalayas sa kanya. Imbes na makinig sa akin ay iginala pa niya ang kanyang paningin sa paligid.

“Your unit is not that spacious, pero ayos na ito dahil mag-isa ka lang naman. I don’t suppose you to bring other… people here… especially guys..” he’s pursing his lips while his arms crossed on his massive chest.

What does he even mean by that? Bakit naman ako magdadala ng ibang tao rito? Lalo na kung lalaki? Kaya ko nga siya pinapalayas ’di ba dahil hindi ko hilig ang mag-imbita rito?

He wandered around, no plan of leaving so early.

The whole space of my condo unit is enough for a single person. At the ground floor of this residential building, there are commercial strips for dining options, supermarket and convenience stores. Mayroon ding study hall, swimming pool, at gym na matatagpuan sa ikalawang palapag. But the supermarket is currently closed because the owner is somewhat selling it, hindi ko alam pero iyon ang naririnig ko.

Matatagpuan ang maliit na living room sa gitna ng aking unit, isang silid sa kaliwa para sa kwarto at sa kaliwa ay ang kusina. May separate bathroom sa aking kwarto at sa tabi ng kitchen area para sa mga guests—kung sakaling mayroon nga ako no’n.

Tailing him, I found Leviticus slouching on a one-seater sofa in the living room. He’s massaging his arms like it endured a lot of work. Upang mas madali ko siyang mapaalis, bumalik ako sa kitchen at binuksan ang fridge saka nagsalin ng malamig na tubig sa baso, nang makabalik ay inalok ko iyon sa kanya at inilapag sa ibabaw ng rectangular coffee table.

His eyes are following me.

“Thank you.” aniya saka ininom ang tubig sa baso pero kaunti lang ang nabawas. What the hell? Akala ko ba inuuhaw siya?

“Nice interior, this whole space reeks of your scent, and I love it…” tumingala pa ito at animo’y nilalanghap ang halimuyak sa ere. Anong pinagsasabi nito? Anong amoy? Baka dahil sa air freshener ’yon? Lavender kasi ang gamit ko. Amoy lavender ba ako?

At teka, bakit ba ’yun ang paksa namin? Nililigaw niya ang plano kong pagtataboy sa kanya!

“Thanks, so now I’ve let you in and offered you a drink. So I think it’s time for you to… go? I guess?” dinaan ko sa mabuting usapan upang sakaling makumbinsi ko siyang lumayas, ngumiti pa ako nang malawak para ma-engganyo siya lalo.

“I need to rest a bit, my arms are tired from carrying those paperbags, you know…” isa na namang obvious na palusot mula sa kanya kaya hindi na ako nakapagpigil na sirain ang pekeng ngiti sa labi ko.

“Are you serious, Leviticus? Nakapasok ka na at lahat, ano pang gusto mo? Why won’t you leave me alone?” singhal ko sa kanya. Kung hindi siya madaan sa mabuting usapan, baka sa dahas ay magawa ko.

He bit his lips abruptly, he looked sideways giving me a full view of his prominent jawline. Good god!

“I just need to rest, at dito lang naman ako. Kung may gagawin ka, then do it. I won’t bug you.” hindi pa rin siya tumitinag sa kanyang kinauupuan. He even put his arms on top of the sofa and spreads his legs wider. Nalunok ko na ang lahat ng laway ko dahil sa mga ginagawa niya.

Lord, please show me the light! Show me the way on how to kick this man out!

“Your mere presence bugs me, Leviticus. At ano bang gagawin mo rito? Wala naman ’di ba? Nagsasayang ka lang ng oras! At wala ka bang trabaho? Legend is outside the country working hard for your damn company, pero ikaw? Ano? Laging nakabuntot sakin?” I just sounded like a mother preaching things to her child.

But those sermons were not enough based on the confident look on his face that remained. Napansin ko ring kapag ako ang umuupo roon sa sofa ay parang wala lang, pero ngayong siya ang nakaupo ay parang lumiit iyon sa paningin ko.

“That’s why I’m here following you because you’re my business!” tugon niya, finally umamin din ang hunghang!

“Good god!” I groaned in frustration.

“Bakit gustong-gusto mo akong paalisin, are you expecting another visitor?”

Tired of arguing with him, I hid in the kitchen and started to unwrap the paperbags. Padabog pa ang kilos ko dahil ang kaisipang nasa living room lang si Levi ay hindi ako mapakali. Kahit naroon lang naman siya nakaupo, pakiramdam ko’y may mangyayaring masama sa akin.

Mabuti na lamang at nanatili nga sya roon at hindi na sumunod.

I realized I was thinking too much about him again. Lagi nalang siya ang laman ng utak ko. Ibang klaseng epekto na ito! Pati ang mga bagay na hindi nilalagay sa loob ng fridge ay nailagay ko dahil sa pagka-lutang ko. Kinuha ko ang bote ng mantika at inalis doon sa loob. Fuck! See? Sabaw na ang utak ko nang dahil sa kanya!

To get my sanity back to normal, I tried to imagine that I was all alone. Walang Leviticus sa living room. Mag-isa lang ako. Tama. I can do this. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Sinimulan kong ayusin ang mga pinamili sa cupboard at sa fridge. I separated the ingredients for my chocolate concorde cake that I’m gonna try to bake today. I stopped moving for a moment and closed my eyes as I hear the television playing in the living room.

Riley, walang Leviticus sa living room na nanonood ng tv. Wala. Hinga ulit ng malalim. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Inihanda ko na rin ang mga kasangkapang gagamitin ko sa pagbi-bake nang marinig ko ang katok sa pintuan ng aking unit. Sunud-sunod ang katok, wala naman akong maisip na bibisita sa akin bukod kay Dad.

Bukod kay Dad.

Shit!

I rushed back to the living room and found Leviticus who’s about to answer the door but before it happened, I pulled his shirt. Hinatak ko siya hanggang sa maitago ko siya sa loob ng aking bedroom.

“W-What the…”

Nahirapan pa ako dahil sa natural na bigat niya pero ginamit ko ang buong lakas ko.

“What the fuck?! So you’re really expecting a visitor, huh? Who is that?” gigil niyang tanong nang maipasok ko sa aking bedroom, nagpupumiglas pa sa hawak ko.

“Quiet!” tinakpan ko ang bibig niya upang hindi na siya mag-ingay pa. “Stay here! Huwag kang lalabas!”

“Rile—”

“Shush!” I hissed in order for him to shut up.

Mas nagdilim ang mga mata niya sa kung anong masamang naiisip, wala rin siyang nagawa nang isarado ko ang pintuan. Lumabas ako at nagtungo sa main door, if this is Dad, I’m really gonna get insane any minute.

Malilintikan ako kapag nalaman niyang may Torralba dito sa lungga ko!

Pinihit ko ang doorknob at binuksan nang makipot ang pintuan, marahang sinilip kung sino. I eventually let out a sigh when I saw Andrei outside. Damn! I thought it was my father!

“I’m sorry Sir Richard pero napadaan lang ako, may report kasing nakalimutang aprubahan kahapon. Kailangan na kasi itong maisumite ngayon sa kliyente.” iniabot niya sakin ang isang folder, binuksan sa isang pahina at binigay sa akin ang isang signpen.

Hindi ko na binasa iyon, at pinirmahan na kaagad. My hand was a bit shaking when I did that, which Andrei noticed but decided to keep his silence and didn’t dare to say a single word.

“Thank you, Sir.” anito saka nagmamadaling umalis.

Hindi ko pa man tuluyang naisasara ang pintuan nang mamataan ko ang nakawalang si Leviticus sa kwarto at patungo na sa akin ngayon. After shutting the door, I stood in front of it so he won’t get out and chase Andrei.

“You’re seeing someone, huh? Tell me, Riley! Tell me who’s the motherfucker that I’m going to kill!” he seemed so furious about it. Pulang-pula na ang mukha hanggang sa kanyang leeg.

Raging version of Leviticus is in a different level of…. hotness… Good god!

“W-Wala ’yon! It was just Andrei!” tugon ko, imbes na kumalma ay mas lalo siyang nagpuyos sa galit.

“Andrei, huh.. He better hide from me or else..” he smirked like a devil, I rolled my eyes at him.

“I’m not seeing anyone else, Levi. It was my assistant. Ang OA mo!” inismiran ko siya saka nilagpasan upang bumalik sa kusina.

But I didn’t expect him to follow me.

“At dinadayo ka pa rito? What was that about?”

I focused on preparing the baking tools and equipment that I will use, ang iba kasi ay nasa ibabang cabinet pa nakatago. Pagtayo ko ay napaimpit ako ng sigaw nang bumundol ang puwitan ko sa kanyang katawan. Sobrang lapit niya ba naman sakin!

“Bakit ba sumunod ka rito? At ikaw naman itong nagpumilit na manatili rito tapos ngayon magagalit ka kapag nalaman mong may bisita ako??” katwiran ko sa kanya, iniignora ang nag-iinit kong katawan.

“So inamin mo rin na bisita mo nga ’yon?!” his voice thundered, hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit namin kailangang magsigawan dito.

“Hindi ko nga bisita ’yun! May bisita bang dumating tapos umalis din agad? Ano ’yun trip lang kumatok sa pintuan?” napagtanto kong walang kwenta na itong pagtatalo namin.

Hinugasan ko ang mga kagamitan nang padabog, habang kinukulit pa rin ako ni Leviticus. Rinding-rindi na ako sa pag-aaway namin dahil sa walang kabuluhang bagay. Hindi ko rin gets kung ano ang pinuputok ng butsi niya.

“Tss!” he hissed aggressively and finally kept his mouth shut.

“Kung gusto mo, umuwi ka na! Para wala na tayong problema!” ani ko habang sinasabunan ang mga kasangkapan.

Habang pinagmamasdan ko siya ay nagtaka ako nang alisin niya ang pagkaka-butones ng kanyang damit.

“W-What are you doing?!” kinakabahan kong tanong, hindi ko na siya napigilan nang hubarin niya ang suot na long sleeves sa aking harapan. Holy son of a…

Namumula ang kanyang leeg pababa sa kanyang dibdib, hindi ko alam kung bakit o sa anong rason pero ang sarap tignan no’n.

No! Ito na nga ba ang sinasabi ko! This is the main reason why I don’t like him lurking around here! Good god!

“I’m fuming mad. I need a shower. And I’m not leaving.” bigkas niya saka ako nilisan na sa tingin ko’y patungo na sa bathroom sa aking kwarto. What the hell?! Bakit ginagawa niyang bahay ’tong unit ko?!

Sa inis ay sinundan ko siya kaagad, pero mabilis ang loko at nalaman kong nasa loob na siya ng aking bathroom dahil sa lagaslas ng tubig sa loob. He’s using my shower, good god!

Kinatok ko siya upang mapalayas siya. “Leviticus!” I knocked consecutive times, almost wanting to destroy the door.

“What? I’m a visitor, it would be rude if you can’t offer me a little shower.” pinakinggan ko ang boses niya habang nakadikit ang tainga sa pintuan.

Little shower?! Anong tingin niya sa unit ko, paliguan?! Feel at home masyado itong unggoy na ’to! This is his first time crashing here and look what he does! Gamit na gamit niya ang unit ko!

“Baka gusto mo dito na rin matulog?! Nakakahiya naman sa’yo baka sabihin mo ang rude ko pa din, e!” I put so much sarcasm in my voice while telling him that.

“That would be the greatest idea, I can borrow some of your… underwear right? If it fits in my..”

Mas lalo akong nanggigil sa galit, inis, poot, hindi ko na malaman kung ano o baka naghalu-halo na ang emosyon!

Aktong aalis na ako upang kalmahin ang sarili nang marinig ko ang biglang pagbukas ng pintuan ng bathroom at nagulat ako nang hatakin niya ako patungo sa loob.

“Levi!”

He shut the door right away. Nabasa kaagad ako sa tumutulong shower!

JUST WHAT THE FREAKING HELL!

“I’m a visitor, it would be nice if I could use some extra hands? I need to fucking release something.. and it’s the only way for me to calm down..” he whispered seductively so close to my ears.

Still surprised, I looked at his naked body and fragments of what happened before set in a bathroom too, came back. Good god! This visitor is so fucking demanding!

Chapter 39 [Husband]

a/n: please read at your own risk! alam niyo na :)

Upon several attempts to read the file on my hands, I realized that I can’t really force myself if my mind won’t like to cooperate. Binitiwan ko ang folder at nakinig na lamang sa mga huling salita ng project manager na nasa harapan.

They held a progress meeting with the contractors and some pips from the consultant team. Hindi naman dapat akong kasali rito pero pinilit ko ang project manager, dinala ko rin si Gael na ngayo’y kabilang na sa engineering team upang mas ma-expose siya sa mga nangyayaring progress sa ilan sa mga proyekto.

I saw a red mark on my wrist, tinakpan ko iyon ng aking sleeves upang hindi lumitaw. Maputi ako at madaling mamula kapag nahahawakan ng may pwersa o agresyon kaya iyon ang nagiging resulta.

“Here are the cost reports…” I heard someone from the cost consultants and she distributed some papers. Another paper that I won’t be able to understand because my mind has been corrupted by some graphic images since this morning.

The meeting continued for more than hours, nang matapos ay nagkamayan ang mga contractors at ilang miyembro ng consultant and engineering team.

“Thanks for coming..” kinamayan ko rin ang ilang naglahad ng kamay sa akin. Malugod naman silang ngumiti at isa-isang naglabasan ng silid pagkatapos.

The project manager Zanro Carillo looked at me with mockery in his eyes. Anak ito ng dating project manager na ngayo’y retired na, itong anak ay matangkad at may hitsura rin, pero hindi gaanong maganda ang ugali.

“Next time, notify me if you’re gonna crash in any of my meetings..” aniya habang nililigpit ang kanyang laptop at ang projector.

And he doesn’t care if I’m his boss or something. Gael is beside me and it was obvious in the way he looked at me that he felt the invisible tension between me and the project manager.

“My assistant will notify you, don’t worry. This is gonna be the last time.” tugon ko sa kanya bago ito naunang lumabas, parang binalewala ang sinabi ko.

I sighed and stood up from my seat. Tumigil ako sa paggalaw nang makaramdam ng kirot. While closing my eyes to focus on the pain, I heard the doors opened. It was Andrei.

“Ayos ka lang?” Gael’s worried voice brought me back and I decided to open my eyes. Kami nalang dalawa ang natira sa loob ng conference room, dumagdag pa ang aking assistant na si Andrei na bagong dating.

“Yes, I’m fine.” sagot ko at saka sinikop ang aking mga kagamitan.

“You’re blushing, o natural na mapula talaga ang… mukha mo, S-Sir?” umirap ako sa ere dahil sa puna ni Andrei na sinisilip pa ang aking mukha.

Naalarma naman si Gael at sumilip din sa aking mukha. Para akong timang na umiwas sa mga mapanuri nilang mata.

“This is nothing, Andrei. Kung anu-anong napapansin mo.” wika ko saka nagsimulang maglakad nang mabagal at paika-ika.

“ASG siguro..” nakangusong komento ni Gael kaya sinamaan ko siya ng tingin dahil naintindihan ko kung anong ibig sabihin no’n.

“What’s… ASG?” kuryosong tanong ni Andrei kaya binalingan siya ni Gael dahilan nang pamumula niya.

“Shut up, Gamaliel!” umismid ako sa kanya para tumahimik na siya, baka dumihan pa niya ang utak nitong assistant ko. He immeditately frowned when he heard me call him by that name. Ayaw niya kasi na tinatawag na ganoon.

Muli akong lumakad at umaktong normal. I gritted my teeth while enduring the pain. The pain that feels so nostalgic, I just can’t imagine how I’m gonna experience to be sore again for a number of days.

“ASG nga, masungit eh..” tatawa-tawang komento pa ni Gael bago ako inunahan sa paglalakad upang hindi ko masaktan.

Whatever!

Aktong aalis na ako upang kalmahin ang sarili nang marinig ko ang biglang pagbukas ng pintuan ng bathroom at nagulat ako nang hatakin niya ako patungo sa loob.

“Levi!”

He shut the door right away. Nabasa kaagad ako sa tumutulong shower! Pinagmasdan ko kung paano dumaloy ang tubig sa aking kasuotan.

WHAT THE FUCK?!

“I’m a visitor, it would be nice if I could use some extra hands? I need to fucking release something.. and it’s the only way for me to calm down..” he whispered seductively so close to my ears.

Kanina ay tubig ang nararamdaman kong dumadaloy sa aking buong katawan, ngayon ay nagbabagang emosyon na dulot ng kanyang mga salita. His huge hands gripped my body, cupped my butt, not leaving any way for me to escape.

“Three years, Riley…. Imagine that… Three years of no…. sex…” pahinto-hintong bulong niya ngayong sobrang lapit na ng kanyang bibig sa aking tainga.

He towered over me, I turned into a complete mute because of the immense emotions that once again flowed through my veins. Like what he said, I can’t imagine what three-years-of-no-sex can do to him.

“You didn’t have any idea how you turned me on from the way I caught you staring at me at the expo..” dugtong pa niya, bumalik sa alaala ko ang mga oras na naroon kami sa expo, tama ngang pasulyap-sulyap ako sa kanya no’n pero hindi ko naman alam na ganoon pala ang naging epekto nun sa kanya.

“I was so tempted… I wanna fuck you hard but I don’t wanna hurt you at the same time… dahil mas importante ka sakin kaysa sa anumang tawag ng laman, Riley..”

He started kissing my neck, leaving hot and fiery kisses. Lumulundo ang katawan ko kaya bilang suporta ay mahigpit siyang kumapit sa baywang ko. While my hands are snaked around his neck, he attacked my lips and I can’t help but to give in to the inviting emotions that I tried to evade for so many times.

I always fail, when it comes to him. Lagi akong talo sa mga emosyong siya lang ang nakapag-papadama sa akin. The drops of water from the shower head flowed down on our bodies that became as one. The water is raining down on me, on us, with our love that is long overdue.

His massive cock sprang free and it began creating a different sensation on my stomach. Basang-basa na ang damit ko, tinulungan niya akong hubarin ang mga iyon.

“Sex is better if I could see your face while I’m inside you..” aniya na mas lalong nagpalakas sa kabog ng aking dibdib. Him inside me sounded so scary because I know what’s going to be my endgame, and that is me being sore for days again!

“Are you serious that you had no sex, even once?  Within those period of time I was gone?” seryosong tanong ko sa kanya habang hinahalikan niya ang aking dibdib.

“Yeah. And picturing you inside my head kept me sane, but horny as well..” tugon niya.

“Uhmmm….” nilusob niya ang aking labi. His hands cupped my butt and slapped it aggressively.

“Damn, we’re gonna do this all night I’m telling you..” he murmured temptingly in between our kisses.

“Levi, p-parang lumaki yata lalo ’yan?” puna ko dahil kanina pa iyon tumatakbo sa utak ko pero hindi ko lang masabi. Tatlong taon lang ang lumipas pero parang tatlong beses din yata ang inilaki ng ari niya. Sadyang pinagpala ang loko!

“It’s just hard, but I know you can take it.. You’re used to it, right?” napaliyad ako nang atakihin niya ang aking leeg, pababa sa aking shoulder blades, pababa sa dibdib.

Yes, I got used to it but it’s even bigger now! At tatlong taon na ang lumipas! B-Baka… sumikip na ulit ako. Damn, I feel so embarassed worrying about it.

“I won’t force you if you don’t want it, we can try next time..” malambing niyang tugon, kahit na paniguradong sabik na sabik na siya ngayon ay nakuha pa rin niyang sabihin iyon.

I can’t believe how this man shows his love. He knows how to force his love and when it’s not necessary. He knows how to take a step back so that I wouldn’t get hurt, and that’s one of the things I loved about him. Love about him. Hanggang ngayon naman, ganoon pa rin.

Pero alam kong may kasalanan din ako. I made him this way. Ako ang dahilan kung bakit siya uhaw. Well, sige isali ko na rin ang sarili ko. Pareho kaming uhaw. Pero ako ay nakaya ko, nakaya din niya pero alam kong may kulang pa rin. And it would be so selfish to think if I won’t give him something from me because deep inside I know that I need him too.

“I wanna feel you inside me again, Levi..” bulong ko sa kanya nang makapagpasya. He stopped his kisses and his eyes turned more emotional, parang hindi makapaniwala sa narinig.

“A-Are you sure?” paniniguro niya.

I nodded casually like it’s something that can be done easily, when in reality it’s not. Kumakabog na ang dibdib ko habang tinititigan ang kanyang nakasaludong kargada. Namumula pa ang ulo nito at may precum na roon, pinalibutan ng ugat ang katawan nito kaya mas lalo akong napalunok at parang nauubusan ng hangin.

He turned off the shower. He pinned me on the wall with blazing kisses, it felt so hot all of a sudden, hotter than it usually should, scorchingly hot to be exact, then he moaned vigorously. One more minute, he cupped my butt again and lifted me up. He didn’t mind how heavy I was and he just carried me like a baby.

My legs crawled behind and snaked around his waist for full support. His hot arousal is already poking on my hole, enticing and teasing the hell out of me.

“Damn… oh!” I moaned in so much pleasure. Hindi niya tinigilan ang aking mga labi, animo’y sa paghalik siya nabubuhay.

Ang maramdaman ang kanyang pagkalalaki sa aking ibaba ay nakakabaliw. His eyes are drunk and the way he takes good care of me is already a satisfaction to me. Hindi niya ako binibigla. Inuunti-unti niya. Mabagal at alam kong puno ng pagtitimpi, he slid his massive cock inside me.

“Good god! Fuck!”

We didn’t move for a moment, we both stared at each other, our eyes are sending messages that only us could understand. He moved a bit and that’s the time when his manhood pushes further, getting deeper inside me. Sagad na sagad na ito at impit ang ungol ko, hindi alam kung masasaktan o masasarapan.

“Masakit pa ba? Hindi muna ako gagalaw..” nag-aalalang tanong niya saka dinilaan ng marahan ang kanyang labi, tumingin siya sa ibaba saka pabalik sa aking mga mata.

“Why are you so huge? May ginawa ka ba riyan?” sinubukan kong makipag-usap sa kanya upang ma-distract ako at hindi maramdaman ang kirot.

“What do you mean? I did nothing. Maybe it got bigger because it holds a lot of…” hindi niya tinuloy pero na-gets ko rin naman kung anong karugtong no’n. Is that how it works, though? Kapag maraming laman, lumalaki?

He licked his lower lip again, waiting for my go signal. “Damn.. I won’t get tired of doing this to you.. I’m sorry if this is too huge for you, if there’s just a way if I could… ease your pain or something?” malambing ang boses niya at ang mga mata’y pumupungay.

“The only way to stop this is to fuck me hard, Levi.” umawang ang bibig niya sa narinig na sagot. Iyon lang kasi ang tanging naiisip ko. Kung babagalan namin ay baka mas lalong kumirot, kung bibilisan namin ay baka mas mabilis ding mawala ang sakit.

“Damn, I want to fuck you hard but I’m afraid I’m gonna… I’m gonna crush you..” may pag-aalala sa tono ng boses niya.

“That’s not gonna happen, Levi. That’s exaggerated.”

Ngumiwi siya pero madali ring nakabawi. Buhat pa rin niya ako pero naramdaman kong lumakad siya. Hindi na ako nakapagtanong hanggang sa makalabas kami ng bathroom. Nalaman kong nasa kwarto na kami nang ibaba niya ako sa ibabaw ng kama. His manhood is still inside me, though. Mas naging komportable ako nang maramdaman ang malambot na kama sa aking likuran.

“Better?”

I smiled at him when he asked that, he’s really.. what do you call this… he’s very thoughtful? caring? patient? I think he’s all of those descriptions. Dahil gaano man siyang kasabik ngayon, mas inaalala pa rin niya ang nararamdaman ko. How could I… How could I stop loving this man? Parang wala na akong makitang rason para hindi siya magustuhan.

I know he still has flaws. But if you feel how good he is, you tend to like him more. Hindi mo mapapansin ang mga mali sa kanya dahil sa mga magagandang katangian niya ay swak ka na.

At sinong hindi rurupok sa ganitong klaseng lalaki? Tell me! Sasakalin ko ang hindi sasang-ayon!

“You’re so lovely.. I was just imagining what you look like before.. but now that I can see you, you turned out to be more beautiful than what I have imagined of you.” he said while he’s on top of me, doing nothing, just staring at me.

I was speechless. Hindi na niya hinintay ang aking sagot, nagsimula na siyang lumikha ng ritmo. Gumiling siya, ang tarugo niya ay sumusulong pa lalo sa aking kaibuturan.

“F-Fuck… Ang laki talaga..” I moaned in mixed emotions, pleasure and pain. He’s now biting his lips as he watch how his cock penetrates me.

Kumapit ako sa kanyang mga bisig habang lumalakas ang pwersa ng kanyang mga bayo.

“Goddamn it! Ang init ng loob mo…” he whimpered, drops of water from his hair are trickling down on his chest.

“Yeah! Uhmmmmm! God!” hindi ko maipirmi ang aking mga kamay kaya ’di ko namalayang sinasabunutan ko na siya.

Pleasure dominated and I can now barely feel pain. I urged him to move deeper and even faster. He was so tempted to do it but he’s scared of hurting me.

“Shit! Fuck me hard, papi! Yeahhhh!” hinablot ko ang kanyang baywang upang tulungan siya sa pag-ulos. We’re in a missionary position and it’s driving me insane!

“Fuck, baby…. Do you wanna get pregnant, huh?” he began talking dirty as he caged me in between his steel-hard arms. I stared at him with so much devotion.

“I’m all yours, Lev. Sige pa, buntisin mo lang ako. Shit!” he groaned like a wild lion. Inatake niyang muli ang aking mga labi at nag-espadahan kami ng aming dila. We’re making love like it’s the last day of our lives.

“Your gonna bear my kids, Riley.. Damn it! You’re so fucking tight!” his curses filled the whole space of my room. Nagpasalamat ako nang maalalang soundproof itong buong unit ko kaya kahit magdamag kaming magpalitan ng malalakas na ungol ay walang makakarinig sa amin.

“Mmmmmnnn! Good god! Ohhh!”

“Damn! I’m c-coming!”

Ilang malalakas na bayo pa ay naramdaman ko ang pagsabog ng mainit niyang katas sa aking kalooban. Bumagsak siya sa aking ibabaw, pawis at patang-pata pagkatapos.

“That was… more than love…” hingal na hingal niyang bigkas saka nahiga sa aking tabi. He aimed at my lips again for a final kiss before we both fell asleep.

Kinabukasan ay tinuktukan ko ang sarili ko dahil sa naiwang gawain ko sa kusina. The baking ingredients and tools were still there, so much for following Levi on the bathroom yesterday that I forgot about these.

Leviticus is still asleep on my room, ako naman ay inasikaso na ang pagbi-bake. Masyado pang maaga kaya may oras pa ako para rito.

Abala ako sa pagtatakal ng baking powder nang maramdaman ko ang mainit na mga brasong pumulupot sa aking katawan. Then a warm kiss on the side of my neck followed.

“Good morning, sugar lips..” he whispered sensually. I rolled my eyes because until now he’s using his bedroom voice. My god!

“Good morning, ginugutom ka na? May hinanda akong tsaa at toasted eggs diyan sa table..” sagot ko, hindi siya nililingon.

I felt that he was topless, he was only wearing boxers made of thin fabric, kaya damang dama ko ang bumubundol niyang kargada sa akin. Good god! Ano na, Riley? Hanggang ngayon uhaw ka pa rin?

“Can I eat you instead?” he chuckled lowly and embraced me more, inhaling my scent.

“Tumigil ka na, Levi. Umagang-umaga ang libog mo.” katwiran ko, mas lalo kong narinig ang nakakalokong bungisngis niya. Napapangiti na rin ako dahil doon.

“Fine.” he exhaled deeply and then stepped towards the table where the chai tea and toasted eggs are served.

Habang abala siya sa pagkain doon ay narinig ko ang pagtunog ng aking telepono. Levi’s curious eyes followed me as I slowly walked, enduring something. Nagpahinga ako saglit nang sagutin ang tawag.

“Hello?”

“Good morning, my son.”

Agad akong napairap sa ere nang marinig ang boses ng aking ama. Umiwas ako ng tingin sa gawi ni Levi at binalikan ang paghahalo ng mga ingredients sa mixing bowl.

“Well.. are you in the office already?” tanong nito, inipit ko ang telepono sa pagitan ng aking tainga at balikat.

“Nasa unit ako.” tipid kong tugon dahil malakas ang pakiramdam ko na nakikinig itong lalaking kasama ko.

“Okay, I just want to inform you that I’m gonna visit you later today, sa opisina nalang ba o riyan sa unit mo?”

“Of course, sa office na.” agap ko dahil hindi maaaring mangyari ang binabalak niya. Hindi pwedeng magtagpo ang landas nila nitong si Levi.

“Alright, make sure to dress good okay? I’m going to bring someone with me..” sa mga salita at tonong ginamit niya ay nagkaroon ako ng ideya kung tungkol saan ’yun. May irereto na naman ito sa akin, my goodness! Sino na naman kayang lalaki ang nahatak nito para ibugaw?

“Whatever, Dad. Ibababa ko na ’to.”

Hindi ko na siya hinintay pang makasagot. Binaba ko ang telepono saktong nasa gilid ko na pala ang usiserong unggoy.

“Richard Graciano?” tanong niya habang sumisimsim sa kanyang tsaa. Topless pa rin siya pero nasa braso na niya nakasabit ang nakatuping long sleeves niya.

“Yes. Uhm, it’s just about work. Aalis ka na?” niliko ko ang usapan. Bumaba ang mga mata niya sa hinahalo kong dough.

“Yeah, I need to prepare to go to work. Is that… apple pie you’re trying to bake?” naroon pa rin ang mata niya sa ginagawa ko habang isinusuot ang kanyang damit.

“Nope, this is… different.”

“Different? Are you baking that for.. someone?” he raised one eyebrow as we both remembered the apple pie I baked for the Del Grandes.

“Of course not, this is chocolate concorde and I’m still trying to learn it. And I’m not baking it for someone else.” sa mabilis kong tugon na iyon ay umangat ang labi niya at sumibol ang isang matamis na ngiti.

“I’m gonna go back here after work, so that I can taste it.” suhestiyon niya, pero ang kaisipang babalik siya ay isa na namang kagulat-gulat na ideya.

Yung totoo, dito na rin kaya siya tumira? Mag-impake na kaya siya at ilipat ang kanyang mga gamit dito?

“Bakit babalik ka? As far as I remember, this is my unit, my personal space, my property, so meaning…” hindi ko na tinapos dahil in-assume kong naitindihan na niya ang ibig kong sabihin.

“Why not? I even let you stay in my house before, pretending to be a gardener even when you’re not.” wika niya, napanganga ako sa gulat nang sabihin niya ’yun. How come… he knows about it? Binuking ba ako ni Legend sa kanya?

“H-How did yo—”

“It doesn’t matter, so whether you like it or not, you’re gonna share your personal space with me. We even shared the bathroom and your bed, and I’m your boyfriend or soon to be husband. So basically I have all the rights..” iniwan niya sakin ang mga salitang iyon na parang pinapaalala sakin ang mga karapatan niya.

His rights. If I would grant him those ‘rights’, it’s just like we’re living together. And sharing my personal space with him means I’m also looking forward to be tied to him, just like real husbands. Silly, parang kahapon lang visitor ang tawag niya sa sarili niya, ngayon soon to be husband na? Bakit parang ang bilis?

“I should go. See you later, baby..” hinagkan niya ako nang mabilis at may pagkurot pa sa aking puwitan. Tinampal ko ang kamay niya saka siya tatawa-tawang lumakad paalis. Good god!

— a/n: follow me guys on twitter @kuyajax_wp thank you!

Chapter 40 [Jealous]

Palihim akong nagdiwang nang sa wakas ay makarating sa aking opisina sa pamamaraan ko ng paglalakad. Dahan-dahan akong umupo sa aking swivel chair at saka nagpunas ng pawis sa noo. Finally, nakaupo rin ako sa wakas!

I feel sore since this morning but this pain is bearable compared to the way how I felt sore when we made love three times consecutively in the past. This time, it happened once but it still feels painful because of the three-year-gap of no sexual intercourse, totoo palang sumisikip din kapag tumatagal. So as a conclusion, we should do it more often?

Good god! For sure, it’s more beneficial to Leviticus since he’s a natural alpha male and he craves for it, but for me it’s a blessing in disguise. Torture, though I still like it. Whatever! Ang gulo kong kausap!

“Tara, sabay na tayo?” sumulpot ang ulo ni Gael sa bahagyang nakaawang na pintuan sa aking opisina. Ilang minuto nalang ay lunch time na pero heto ako at walang balak na lumabas upang kumain. Hindi ko kayang maglakad ng ganitong paika-ika in public, no way.

“Nagpadeliver lang ako. Dito na ako kakain, Gael.” tugon ko sa kanya. He frowned but then opened the door wider to get in.

Gael has this semi-buff built, balbas-sarado na siya at makapal ang itim na buhok. He used to play basketball when we were in college so his good built is all natural, hindi ’yung tipo ng katawan na resulta ng pagbubuhat sa gym.

“Bakit? Ayaw mong lumabas?” kuryosong tanong niya, habang pinagmamasdan ang mga furnitures sa may receiving area. May shelf sa isang gilid at tinignan din niya ang ilang libro roong naka-display.

“Tinatamad ako. Tsaka mainit sa labas.” mga palusot ko lang ’yun dahil ang totoo’y hindi ko talaga kayang maglakad ng malayo sa ganitong kondisyon.

Pero dahil matagal ko nang kaibigan itong si Gael at matagal na rin ang aming pinagsamahan, kilalang-kilala na niya ako. He’s next to Kimpoy, but I can’t call him a friend before because he always used to flirt with me.

I took my phone out to check if the delivery man sent a message on my phone.

“O ayaw mo lang maglakad? Kanina pa kita napapansin, parang may masakit sa’yo, bunga ba ’yan ng…” he pursed his lips, kahit ’di niya ituloy ay madali kong naintindihan kaya nakatanggap siya ng irap sa akin.

“Ba’t di mo pinapakilala sakin ang boyfriend mo? Gaano na ba kayo katagal?” naupo siya sa receiving couch at prenteng pinahinga ang dalawang braso sa ibabaw nito.

I turned to him, since my bestfriend died, I have no one to talk to about these matters. But Gael? No, he’s different. And I don’t believe he can pull the same persona of a bestfriend, dahil lalaki siya. I mean, baka hindi niya ma-gets ang mga problema ko.

“W-Well…” hirap na hirap akong simulan dahil ang komplikado rin kasing isipin, “We’ve been on and off? I think. Mag-aapat na taon na kami pero tatlong taon kaming nagkahiwalay, I mean not a technical break-up but…” I sighed as I feel so confused.

We’ve been together for almost a year, I think? Simula noong naging kami tapos idagdag ang panahong nagkasama kami ngayon, ibawas ang tatlong taon na wala kaming komunikasyon.

“How old is he?” hindi ko alam kung bakit nag-init ang mukha ko sa klase ng katanungan niyang iyon.

I coughed a little to clear my throat before answering. “H-He’s thirty-three…”

“Thirty-three?! Are you kidding me?” gulat na reaksyon niya, inalis niya ang dalawang braso sa ibabaw ng couch at saka ibinigay ang buong atensyon sa akin. Para bang kagulat-gulat na pumatol ako sa ganoong edad.

“Y-Yeah, what’s so wrong with it? Age doesn’t matter, Gael.” pagtatanggol ko at saka humalukipkip.

“Of course it does! Kaya pala ganyan kang maglakad, e!” napasinghap ako sa tinuran niya, kalaunan ay nairita dahil may multo ng ngiti sa kanyang labi ngayon.

“Oh, god! Tigilan mo ako, Gael. Stop fantasizing about it!” ismid ko at saka muling ch-ineck ang aking cellphone pero wala pa ring mensahe para roon sa pagkaing pina-deliver ko.

“Dapat ang pinili mo ’yung mas bata sa’yo, para kahit makailang rounds kayo sa isang araw ay parang wala lang.” napapikit ako sa inis dahil sa walang tigil niyang pang-aasar. Sinasabi ko na nga ba e, walang matinong maitutulong sa akin ang lalaking ito.

“Paanong wala lang?”

“Siyempre, ’pag mas bata sa’yo hindi ganoong kalakihan ’yung… alam mo na.. At kapag mas matanda, ibig sabihin mas malaki at mas may karanasan..” mas lumawak ang ngisi niya, “pero kung mas matanda pala talaga sa’yo ’yan, naku Riley warak ka riyan!” binato ko sa kanya ang nahablot kong mga ballpen sa huling sinabi niya.

“Baliw! Ewan ko sa’yo, Gael! Lumabas ka na nga roon at kumain ka na! Binu-bwusit mo lang ako, e!” singhal ko sa kanya pero imbes na tumahimik ay mas lalo pang lumakas ang tawa niya. Sarap bugbugin nitong si Gael, kung hindi lang siguro ganyan ang pangangatawan niya ay baka kanina ko pa siya pinatumba.

“But seriously, who is your boyfriend? Have I met him?” sumeryoso na ang ekspresyon sa kanyang mukha pero may naiwan pa ring bakas ng ngiti sa kanyang labi.

“Hindi pa. At kapag nakilala mo, baka ilang segundo lang taob ka na riyan sa kinauupuan mo..” ako naman ngayon ang nang-asar, obviously Leviticus is way more massive compared to him. Nakaramdam ako ng kagalakan sa ideyang iyon at nabura ang iritasyon na nararamdaman.

“Huh! Talaga lang, ah? Siguro nga mas matanda sakin ’yan pero baka uugud-ugod na? Mas bata ako kaya mas malakas at mas maliksi ako!” he uttered confidently while he’s flexing his biceps in front of me.

Walang epekto sakin ang mga pinaggagagawa niya dahil magkaibigan naman kami.

Nasa ganoon kaming tagpo nang bumukas ang pintuan at iniluwa nito ang aking assistant na si Andrei. Nagtama ang tingin naming dalawa.

“Sir, narito na ’yung pina-deliv….” sa kalagitnaan ng pagsasalita niya ay dumapo ang kanyang mga mata kay Gael, pinamulahan pa ito ng mukha nang masaksihan ang ginagawa ng aking kaibigan. Gael is currently checking his abdominal muscles, bahagyang nakataas ang shirt kaya kita iyon.

“What?” inagaw ko ang atensyon niya, malikot ang mata niyang bumalik sa akin, parang gulat na pusa.

“Yung.. deli… ’y-yung pinakain niyong delivery… I-I mean ’yung pagkaing pina-deliver mo Sir n-nasa baba na.” Andrei sighed profusely as he touches his flushing cheeks. Hindi ko alam pero parang ako ’yung nahihiya para sa kanya.

I looked at Gael who’s unaware of what’s happening. Abala na ito ngayon sa pagtitipa sa kanyang cellphone.

“Okay, pakidala nalang dito. Ikaw nalang din ang mag-sign.” utos ko sa kanya habang binubuklat ang aking wallet para sa pambayad.

“Heto, may sukli pa ’yan.” inabot ko sa assistant kong nasa ibang tao ang atensyon.

“Andrei!”

“S-Sir? Yes, ako na ang magdadala rito.” dali-dali niyang kinuha sa kamay ko ang isang libong papel at saka tarantang lumabas ng aking opisina.

I sighed. Andrei is a natural clumsy, pero ewan ko ba kung bakit parang laging natatakot siya rito kay Gael.

“Akala ko kakain ka sa labas?” binalik ko ang atensyon kay Gael, pero nakatutok pa rin siya roon sa screen ng phone niya.

“Hindi na. Nagpa-deliver nalang din ako. Sabay na tayong kumain.”

I shrugged my shoulders and waited for my assistant to bring the delivered foods. Kinalaunan ay sabay kaming naglunch ni Gael sa aking opisina, sa receiving area kami pumwesto. Somehow it felt good to eat with a friend, for the past three years I’ve been eating alone. Nito nalang ding huli ako nagkakaroon minsan ng kasabay. Ang huling beses pa ay ’yung ginulo ako ni Leviticus nang kumain ako sa labas.

After lunch, I attended another meeting with the board. It’s supposed to get finished in an hour but since some members were late, it exceeded the supposed schedule. Dulot din nito ay kinulang na ako sa oras para basahin ang ilang papeles sa aking desk.

“Here are the non-financial reports, Sir. Pinaghiwalay ko na na ’yung sa financial reports, those ones still need to be devised.” paliwanag ni Andrei na nakaantabay sa aking mga ginagawa. It’s already five in the afternoon, ganitong oras ay dapat pauwi na ako.

“Kailangan na ba ito bukas?”

“Yes, Sir. Hinihintay na rin kasi ’yan ng project manager.” biglang sumagi sa isip ko iyong supladong lalaki na nakasalamuha ko kaninang umaga sa progress meeting.

“I’m gonna go back here after work, so that I can taste it.” sunod na nag-replay ang boses ni Leviticus sa aking utak. Right! I almost forgot about it! Balak nga pala nitong bumalik sa aking unit!

“Alright, I’ll get this done at home. Anything else that I need to review?” mabilis kong pinagpatung-patong ang mga folders na nagkalat sa aking desk.

“None, Sir. Iyan na po lahat.”

Tumango-tango ako at saka binuhat ang mga folders sa aking dibdib. Sa pagmamadali ay hindi sinasadyang nasagi ko ang ininuman kong baso sa gilid ng aking desk dahilan nang pagkabasag nito.

“Shit!” agad akong nasugatan nang tangkang pulutin ko ang mga basag na piraso.

“I’m gonna call the maintenance to clean it.” narinig kong wika ni Andrei na nakatunghay sa aking likuran. Tumango ako habang tinititigan ang dugo sa aking gitnang daliri. I don’t know why I felt stunned all of a sudden. The sight of blood kind of reminds me of something in the past.

My bestfriend’s blood all over my hands.

“I can see party… and uhmm.. engagement. You will be engaged, soon. To someone who’s got a big name in a business industry… You will see blood once you meet that person…”

And the voice of the fortune teller, damn.

Agad akong nagtungo sa banyo upang kumuha ng first aid kit. I was putting band-aid on my finger when the doors opened, akala ko ay ’yung maintenance na pero si Dad lang pala.

Pero nagsisi ako kaagad dahil siya ang lumitaw, I wonder what is he up to again this time.

“My son, wait are you going home already?” puna niya, nilapitan pa niya ako at napansin ang ginagawa ko sa aking daliri. “What is that?”

“Nothing, Dad. Yeah, pauwi na ako.” nilagpasan ko siya upang abutin ang aking personal bag.

“Why don’t you sit for a while, may bisita tayo.” umirap ako sa ere at pansamantalang ibinaba ang aking bag, bisita namin? Baka bisita niya? Bakit sinasali pa niya ako?

“Remember that I’m gonna bring someone with me, the unico iho of the Verdejo Industries.” aniya gaya ng mga paulit-ulit niyang litanya. As far as I can remember, that was the guy he wanted me to meet at the recent expo. Pero hindi naman yata iyon dumalo kaya hindi ko nakilala.

“Nag-iisang tagapagmana ng mga Verdejo kaya kailangan galingan mo, anak..” lumapit pa sakin si Dad upang ibulong ’yon, animo’y may pina-planong masama sa tao. What the heck.

So he’s hitting two birds in one stone? He badly wanted me to get laid, and then in return, being linked with some big name in the industry will benefit him a lot. Hindi ko alam kung gaano kayaman ang tinutukoy niyang pangalan pero may pakiramdam akong ganoon nga.

“Whatever, Dad. Where is he?”

Richard Graciano’s full smile frustrates me. Saglit siyang lumapit sa bukana ng pintuan ng aking opisina upang tawagin ang tinutukoy niyang kasama.

Ilang segundo ang lumipas bago ko nasilayan ang pagpasok ng isang lalaki. He’s uhm… he’s fine, may hitsura ito, may tamang taas at maganda naman ang hubog ng katawan. Pero nang magtama ang aming mga mata ay parang may naalala ako. He’s familiar. No! I think I know him.

“Mr. Verdejo, this is my uhhh smart and well-natured son, Richard Bailey Graciano.” Dad winked at me and I almost threw up when I heard his exaggerated descriptions of me.

Yeah, Verdejo. Naalala ko na. He’s my batchmate. I remembered him playing soccer, I guess? We also met in a couple circumstances at school, when he approached me at the gymnasium when I was spacing out, and when I tried to approach him at the library.

“N-Nice to meet you, Richard Bailey..” naglahad ito ng kamay. Hindi ko sigurado kung naaalala niya ako pero napansin ko ang pandidilat ni Dad na nasa likuran ng lalaki kaya tinanggap ko ang kamay nito.

“My son, this is the only son of the Verdejos of Verdejo Industries, Dominicus Verdejo.” pagpapakilala ni Dad sa kanya. I don’t know why his name sounded the same with someone I know for a very long time.

Nagpakilalahan kami, nagkaroon ng saglit na pag-uusap at natuwa naman ako na naaalala niya ako bilang batchmate niya. Nang magpaalam si Dad ay doon lamang ako nakahinga nang maluwag. Buong oras kasi ay puro papuri sa akin ang ginagawa niya, obvious na masyado kaya napapangiti nalang din itong si Dominicus.

“Pauwi ka na, anak hindi ba? Mabuti at may dalang sasakyan itong si Dom, ihahatid ka na niya.” pauso ni Dad kaya kinunutan ko siya ng noo.

“Dad, may dala rin akong sasak—”

“Wala na ang sasakyan mo rito, pinalinis ko kina Reid. Sige na, mabait naman itong si Dom at siya na ang maghahatid sa’yo pauwi.”

My jaw literally dropped on the ground when I heard that. Anong wala na ang sasakyan ko rito? Eh ’yun ang ginamit ko papasok kanina ah? Bakit niya ipapalinis e kagagawa lang no’n, at hindi pa ’yon marumi!

“Sige na, ako’y mauuna na. Mag-iingat kayo, Dom drive safely alright? Take care of my.. son.” may nakakalokong tinging iniwan sa akin si Dad bago siya lumabas mula sa aking opisina.

Naiwan ako kay Dominicus. What the hell?! Magpapahatid ako sa kanya e hindi naman kami gaanong close. He’s somewhat nice but still… it feels so awkward!

“Should we… go now? May gagawin ka pa ba?” nahihiyang tanong nito sa akin, nahiya rin ako dahil sinusubukan niyang maging mabait sa akin. Hindi naman ako rude sa mga bagong kakilala kaya sinakyan ko nalang.

We went down to the basement. Mas matangkad pa rin sakin itong si Dominicus, he has dark features but it didn’t resemble the way he acts because he’s too nice. He’s wearing a black linen shirt, and it seems that we’re of the same age.

Pinagbuksan niya ako ng pintuan sa kanyang itim na BMW, bitbit ang makakapal na folders sa aking dibdib ay pumasok ako sa loob. Habang pinagmamasdan siya ay napagtanto kong kaya niyang makipagsabayan kay Levi, sa dating pa lang nito, hitsura at ang kanyang aura, he can match older men like my boyfriend. I mean like Leviticus.

Madaling gumaan ang loob ko sa kanya dahil hindi naman pala siya mahirap kausapin. He’s casual, nice, and funny at times, too. Nalaman ko ring pinilit lang pala siya ni Dad na gawin ito, wala siyang magawa dahil matalik na kaibigan ng kanyang ama si Dad.

“I remember you at the library..” aniya, bumabalik sa nakaraan. Mas lalo akong natuwa nang maalala niya ’yon.

“Yeah…” nagdalawang-isip pa akong magbahagi tungkol sa naalala ko ng mga panahong iyon dahil parang hindi magandang pag-usapan ’yon.

“That was the time when my last boyfriend broke up with me.” bumaba ang kanyang tono pero ngumiti lang siya saka binalik ang tingin sa daan. Natahimik ako, hindi muna ako nagsalita dahil baka may masabi akong hindi niya magustuhan.

Last boyfriend? Ibig sabihin, tatlong taon na siyang single? Wait, is he single now?

“I’m sorry about that..”

“No, it’s fine. Ang tagal na no’n, wala na sakin ’yon. I stayed single for three years not because I can’t still move on from the past, but because independence somehow makes me happy.” sumang-ayon ako sa kanyang sinabi.

Nakaka-relate ako sa sinabi niya. I also wanted to be independent, but since Leviticus came to my life, it feels like something is missing when he’s not around. It already feels like he’s a part of me. Masaya naman ako kapag mag-isa ako, pero ewan ko ba bakit mas fulfilling pa rin kapag kasama ko ang lalaking ’yon.

At teka, fulfilling in what way ba ang iniisip ko?

We continued our casual talk, napag-alaman kong bisexual siya. He had girlfriends and boyfriends in the past, ang huli ay iyong napag-usapan namin kanina. He’s also under training to take his father’s role in their business, nabanggit pa niyang mas mahal niya ang kanyang trabaho pero dahil sa katungkulan ay kinailangan niyang iwan iyon.

We parked at the front near the condominium I’m staying at. I removed the seatbelts, he helped me in getting the pile of folders on the back seat.

“Salamat sa paghatid.” banggit ko sa kanya. Ngumiti naman siya.

Somehow based on my own deductions, I feel that he’s not interested in me, I mean not because of me, but because he’s really not interested on liking someone. Gaya nga ng nabanggit niya, mas gusto niya ang maging independent.

But he’s nice. Siguro kung walang Leviticus sa buhay ko ay baka magustuhan ko siya. Baka.

Nang makalabas ako ay napansin ko ang pamilyar na jeep wrangler ang nakaparada hindi kalayuan sa pinag-parkehan namin.

“No problem. I bet we’ll see each other again once your father bugs me?” natawa ako sa biro niya, nakabukas pa ang pintuan sa tapat ko at nakadungaw siya sakin mula roon.

“Pasensya na kay Dad, makulit lang talaga ’yun. Well, before you, there were a lot of guys that he’s presented. I wish you have enough patience for him, though..” pagpaumanhin ko sa kanya dahil sa pangungulit ng aking ama.

There was a ghost of smile on his lips.

“That’s fine, still I’m glad to meet you.” aniya kaya bahagya akong natigilan, “it’s a glad feeling of meeting a… new friend I guess?” nakahinga ako nang maluwag nang malamang nasa parehong pahina kami.

I bid my farewell to him and waited for him to drive his car off. Pagtalikod ko ay binalikan ko ng tingin ang jeep wrangler na nakaharap sa aking direksyon. But upon getting closer, I noticed someone’s inside it the whole time.

“Y-You were here?” nagtatakang tanong ko nang lapitan si Leviticus doon, his arms are resting on the steering wheel but there was a scary glint of sarcastic smile on his lips.

“Yeah, I watched all of it, if you’re gonna ask.” bigkas niyang madiin, kahindik-hindik, hindi inaalis ang seryosong titig sa akin pero binalikan pa ng tingin ang nawalang sasakyan ni Dominicus.

I purposedly closed my eyes for a moment and think of a way on how to explain what happened. Pero teka, bakit ko nga ba kailangang mag-explain? Wala naman akong ginawang masama, ah?

“Well, pinalinis ni Dad ang sasakyan ko kaya pinahatid niya ako s-sa… tauhan niya..” palusot ko baka sakaling matakasan ko ang masamang interpretasyon niya sa nasaksihan.

“Tauhan? You talked for more than two minutes, Riley. At nagngitian pa kayo. Hindi ’yon tauhan.” kung kanina’y may sarkastikong ngisi sa mukha niya, ngayon ay hindi na niya magawang ngumiti. There’s a storm in between his irises, warning me that some trouble is about to happen.

Two minutes? Binilangan niya ang pag-uusap namin?

“Kailan ka pa hinahatid ng lalaking ’yon?”

“N-Ngayon lang, Levi.”

He cursed silently. Dahil hindi ako makapagpigil ay binuksan ko ang pintuan sa tapat ng shotgun seat at tinabihan siya sa loob. Mixture of his male perfume and the air conditioner attacked my nostrils.

“Anong oras ka pa nakarating dito?” pagsisimula ko ng mas kaswal na usapan pero naroon pa rin ang kadiliman sa mga mata niya.

“Two hours ago.”

Two hours. What the hell?! Naghintay siya ng dalawang oras dito? Sana pala ay kinuha ko ang numero niya para na-tetext ko siya. I got his number from Andrei accidentally, pero natabunan na iyon ng ibang number at ’di ko na mahanap.

“Give me your number.” utos ko sa kanya. Tahimik na kasi siya at hindi ko nagugustuhan kapag ganoon siya.

His head moved and looked at me impassively.

“Now, you’re asking for my number right after some random guy drove you home?”

Okay, now he’s obviously jealous. Bumuntong hininga ako.

“What, are you jealous?” walang takot kong tanong sa kanya.

“Yes, Riley I’m goddamn jealous.” walang takot rin niyang sagot. He’s never been direct to the point before but now that he is, I can’t think of any idea on how to pacify him.

Dinig na dinig ko ang malalim niyang paghinga, para bang nagtitimpi o nagpipigil ng emosyon.

“Hindi mo kailangang magselos, Levi. He’s just a friend.” matapang kong tugon upang pakalmahin siya. Well, kalmado naman siya pero ewan ko ba at ako ang hindi mapakali.

But eventually he smirked with sarcasm. “We started off as ‘just friends’ too, Riley. Now, you just made me more fucking jealous..” he cursed afterwards.

Now, I’m more than frustrated. Not knowing what to do next, I closed the distance between us and claimed his lips. My hands went down to his arms. He kissed me back but he slowly pushed me away.

“Kiss me another time because we still need to talk, Riley. I can’t kiss you while I’m freaking jealous.” he hissed in such a low and raspy voice. Oh god! What am I gonna do with him? I’m not fully prepared to manage the jealous-type Leviticus, and it’s freaking me out!

Chapter 41 [Certainty]

Hanggang sa buksan ko ang pintuan ng aking condo unit ay tahimik lang na nakasunod si Leviticus. Dire-diretso ako sa loob ng aking bedroom upang magbihis doon. Nakalimutan kong i-lock ’yun kaya malaya siyang nakapasok.

Hinubad ko ang suot kong leather shoes, sunod ang aking polo at ang trousers. Hindi kalawakan ang espasyo ng aking bedroom kaya tandang-tanda ko pa ang pagtatalik namin no’ng nakaraan. I noticed Levi took a seat on the edge of the bed, it was huge a while ago but when he occupied it, it looked smaller.

I don’t know how can he do that, though. Whenever he takes or let’s say dominates a space, it completely abates. Like wherever he sits on, it becomes his throne or something.

Pabalang kong hinubad ang aking medyas. He’s still jealous, hindi ko siya makuha sa salita, paglalambing o kahit sa halik, kaya nag-walkout ako kanina. Hindi rin naman niya ako matiis at sumunod pa rin dito kahit na busangot pa rin ang kanyang mukha.

He’s looking down but he shifted on his seat and watched me instead. Binuksan ko ang aking closet at kumuha roon ng pamalit na kasuotan. I chose a loose aesthetic yellow shirt with a cute bunny emblem on it, and paired it with denim shorts. Pagkatapos kong magbihis ay nagtama ang tingin namin ni Levi, nalamang kanina pa pala niya ako pinapanood.

“Nagseselos ka pa rin?” pangungumusta ko sa kanya, seryoso ang mga mata. Hindi ko matukoy kung galit ba sakin ’to o nagtatampo, pero anuman ang nararamdaman niya ay may pakialam pa rin ako.

Though, I still don’t know how to appease him.

“Yeah.” he murmured in his low husky bedroom voice, it made sense since we’re inside the bedroom. I realized it’s so hard to please him.

Naging ganito na rin siya noon, nu’n pang nangliligaw siya tapos hindi ko sineryoso ang nararamdaman niya, pati noong sinasadya kong gabing umuwi para roon sa library mag-aral dahil hindi ako makapag-focus kapag sa bahay niya, napagtanto kong ilang beses na rin pala siyang naging ganito. Tahimik at hindi namamansin, namamansin naman pero parang may bayad ang kanyang atensyon.

“Come here…” utos niya sakin, out of willingness to make it up to him, I didn’t think twice to obey his words.

Imbes na paupuin ako sa tabi niya ay tinuro niya ang kanyang hita. I sighed and cleared ny throat while sitting on his lap. He was silent all the time, I can even hear his breathing. He bit his lips as I felt his arms snaked around my waist and stomach. Nakahilig ako sa kanya kaya malaya kong napagmasdan ang natural na ganda ng mga mata niya.

No words needed, he just hugged me, he placed his chin on top of my left shoulder blade, it’s comforting and relieving, it lasted for more than five minutes. Nang makabawi ako ay inangat ko ang aking kamay at saka sinuklay nang marahan ang kanyang buhok.

“Nagseselos pa rin?” using a small voice, I asked him that. He looked up at me, his eyes getting warm like how his embrace on my body feels.

“Yeah..” sagot niya.

Tinitigan ko siya nang matagal. How come he’s still jealous? Kalmado naman siya, niyayakap pa niya ako, ano pa ba ang kulang? Sex? No, I don’t think so. Though I see desire in his eyes, I think he’s not craving for sex right in this moment.

I think he needs something from me. Words. Not just words. But words of assurance.  Words of certainty for this relationship that we have. He never doubted his love for me, in exact opposite with me that I used to doubt every motive he has before.

I started contemplating in my head. This is the answer, I get it. I just need time to get this done.

“Ang sabi mo titikman mo ’yung bi-nake ko?” tanong ko habang isinasabit ang aking dalawang kamay sa likod ng kanyang ulo.

“Yeah..” paulit-ulit lang ang sinasagot niya pero pinagbigyan ko na.

“Iiinit ko muna sa microwave, para matikman mo na. At hindi na sunog ’yun kagaya ng dati.” dahan-dahan akong tumayo at saka naglahad ng aking kamay sa kanya. He looked at it before taking my hand.

Hinila ko siya patungo sa living room. I opened the television, eksaktong may laro ng football doon sa palabas. Prente siyang naupo sa couch, tahimik pa din ngunit sumusunod naman sa mga sinasabi ko.

Iniwan ko siya roon at saka nagtungo sa kusina. I put the chocolate concorde cake inside the microwave, may kaunti nang bawas doon dahil tinikman ko iyon kaninang umaga. Masarap at tamang-tama lang ang timpla, hindi gaanong nakakauta ang tamis. Habang naghihintay sa pag-iinit ay sumandal ako sa sink habang nag-iisip ng paraan kung paano ko muling makukuha ang loob ni Leviticus.

Hinayaan ko muna ang cake na mainit sa loob ng oven at bumalik sa sala. Dalawa ang couch ko roon at inokupa ko ang isa. Pansin kong nasa palabas ang atensyon niya. Isang minuto ang lumipas, napansin yata niyang kanina pa ako nakatitig sa kanya.

“What?” he asked, in his firm impassive voice. He’s still on his working outfit, though. White button down, dark chino pants, and timberland boots. The silver necklace hangs on his neck down to his chest and the sight of it is breathtaking.

“Selos ka pa rin?” pangungumusta ko sa kalagayan niya, nagbabaka sakaling napagod na sa pagseselos. Well, does jealousy wears out?

“Yeah, I am… still..” tugon niya, mas lalo akong napasimangot pero hindi ako pinanghinaan ng loob.

“Balikan ko lang ’yung cake..” nakangiti kong paalam sa kanya saglit at saka nagtungo sa kusina.

I put a slice of my chocolate concorde cake on a saucer, I even prepared his famous chai tea, and went back to the gloomy Leviticus in the living room. I served the plate in the coffee table exactly in front of him. Natuwa naman ako nang makuha no’n ang atensyon niya.

Hindi na niya kailangang hintayin pa ang signal ko kaya kinuha niya agad ang saucer at tinidor, tumusok siya ng kapiraso roon sa cake at saka ito isinubo. Para naman akong timang na pinapanood ang bawat galaw niya at ang magiging reaksyon niya. He musters the cake inside his mouth.

“How is it? Masarap ba?” hindi na ako nakapaghintay at kinuhaan na siya ng feedback.

“Hmmm.. yeah… it’s fine..”

I raised an eyebrow from hearing his ‘impacting’ feedback. Fine? Yun na ’yon? Fine lang?!

“Sumubo ka pa, parang ’di ka naman nasarapan.” suggestion ko saka tinulak ang saucer palapit sa kanya.

He sensually licked something in his lower lip before taking another bite. Imbes na sa mga mata niya ako tumitig ay doon sa labi niya ako napapatingin. I feel my face getting hot all of a sudden.

“And?” paghihintay ko sa panibagong komento niya.

“It’s good.. it tastes like… cake..”

Napasinghap ako at hindi malaman kung saan na huhugot ng pasensya. Hindi ko rin naisip na nagbibiro siya dahil hindi naman siya nakangiti. Good? Fine? Yon lang ang mga salitang natanggap ko sa kanya?

“It’s a cake so it should taste like a cake, Levi are you fucking kidding me?”

His brows furrowed while looking at me and taking in my feedback. Oo, ngayon siya na ang nakatanggap ng feedback sa akin. I’m so done with this!

“Well what do you want me to say? That it tastes like a pie, when it’s a cake and not a pie?” mas lalo akong naasar sa katwiran niya. May punto naman siya pero ginagawa niya akong katatawanan! Namimilosopo pa!

I gritted my teeth in annoyance.

“Fine! Are you still jealous?” pagbabalik ko sa kanina ko pang tinatanong sa kanya.

“Yeah, I’m still jealous. But it didn’t affect my judgment for your.. uhmm cake..” tumayo ako saglit at saka hinilot ang aking magkabilang sintido. Hindi na kinakaya ng pasensya ko.

I need air! I need space! I can’t take this kind of cruelty! Mas lalo akong nagngalit nang mahuli ang multo ng ngiti sa labi niya pagbalik ko ng tingin sa kanya. Mabilis niyang binura iyon nang mahuli ko.

“You’re playing with me!” singhal ko sa galit. It’s too obvious now that he’s just using this fake jealousy to make fun of me!

“I’m not playing with you, Riley. Ano bang kinagagalit mo riyan? I ate your cake, niluwa ko ba? Nilait ko ba? Hindi naman ’di ba?” pangangatwiran pa ng loko, akala niya madadaan ako sa mga katwirang iyon.

“I can’t believe you! You son of a…” sa galit ko ay nagwalkout ako pero bago pa ako tuluyang makalayo ay nahatak na niya ang aking braso. Bumagsak ako sa mga hita niya, nagpumiglas pa ako pero mahigpit ang yakap niya sa aking katawan.

I felt his bulge below me but I ignored it thinking that this is not the right moment to give importance about it.

“Bitiwan mo ako!”

“Hey, look at me..” umayos siya sa pagkakaupo kaya mas lalo kong naramdaman ang bukol sa kanyang pantalon. Dahil sa iritasyon ay hindi ako tumingin sa kanya, sadyang inilayo ko pa ang aking ulo para hindi siya makita.

“Riley..” he tried to hold my face but I slapped his hand. So much for trying to make it up to him and I wasn’t even giving him words of certainty yet, but here he is making fun of me!

“Hey sugar lips..” now I glanced at him and rolled my eyes then looked away again. Bahala na kung parang bata ako kung umasta pero sinong hindi maiirita sa mga sinabi niya at sa ginagawa niya?

“Alright, I’m sorry, but I’m not making fun of you. I was just… jealous and I wasn’t on my mood to praise your work. Pero masarap ’yon, Riley. Mas masarap pa kaysa sa apple pie mo..” pagpapaliwanag niya kahit hindi ko naman hinihingi. Nakatingin pa rin ako sa malayo, nagmamatigas.

“So you’re telling that this one is better than my apple pie? Hindi ka nasarapan sa apple pie ko?”

“You know that’s not what I meant, parehas ’yong masarap. Mas masarap lang itong bago. Damn, are we really gonna fight over this?”

Tumahimik na ako at nagmatigas ulit.

“Hey, I said I’m sorry.. look at me.. please..” he left tiny kisses on my shoulder down to my arm. Mas lumambing ang boses niya. Unti-unting nanlumo ang mga tuhod ko at parang gusto nang bumigay.

Since I owe him something too, I forced myself to look at him, taking down my pride. Tumigil siya sa paghalik at saka pumungay ang mga mata nang gantihan ako ng tingin. His eyes are now hopeful and promising, the storm in it is gone, some lighter shade shines in it.

“I’m sorry as well for making you jealous a while ago. No, not that I made you jealous, but what you saw made you jealous. He’s a friend, Levi. Wala akong anumang nararamdaman sa kanya. At wala kang dapat ikatakot. You don’t have to get jealous by some random guys.. because you’re always two to three steps ahead of them. A-And I.. and you’re the one I like so…” mahabang litanya ko sa kanya.

His lips parted as he digests those words of certainty that I thought he needed in order to lessen his jealousy. Kung makakatulong sa kanya ’yun, edi mabuti. Pero kung hindi, ewan ko nalang talaga at baka masapok ko na siya.

“Like?” ulit niya sa huling salitang nabanggit ko. Hirap na hirap umamin pero nilunok ko na lamang ang pride ko mapasaya lamang siya.

“Love, rather..”

Now, the side of his lips rose and turned into a genuine smile, looking emotionally stirred with my words of certainty.

“Totoo ba ’yan?” pangungumpirma pa niya, kaunti nalang at masasaktan ko na talaga siya ng pisikal pero pinalampas ko na.

“Bakit ako magsisinunghaling?”

Pabiro siyang ngumiwi pero ang yapos niya sa aking katawan ay mas humigpit at uminit. Nalanghap ko ang natural niyang halimuyak. His fragrance smells like a wisp of mint and frankincense, very manly.

“Makakaasa ba talaga akong ako ang mahal mo?” he’s unconsciously drawing circles using his fingers on the sides of my thigh. That move is in a whole new level of distraction. Good god!

“Oo nga! Ba’t ang dami mong tanong? Hindi ka ba naniniwala sakin?” he leaned forward and at the same time he pulled my body to get close to my face, he reached for my lips and planted a kiss on it.

“I believe you. But I can’t promise not to get jealous when somebody else gets close to you.” siya naman ang nagsimula ng kanyang litanya na mariin kong pinakinggan.

He planted another kiss.

“I don’t want anyone else to have your heart, get your attention, kiss your lips, touch you the way I touch your body, because that’s only my place..” after that, he gave me another peck on the lips, this time it lasted longer. Hinaplos ko ang magkabilang pisngi niya, seeing him close his eyes whenever our lips combine felt surreal.

“I won’t let anyone get close, I’m all yours..” huling sambit ko bago siya atakihin ng mas mapusok na halik hanggang sa mapahiga na kami sa ibabaw ng couch.

I realized I don’t really need to think about it too much. Letting him in once again would be my life saver. Hindi man ngayon, pero balang araw ay alam kong pasasalamatan ko ang sarili ko na pinayagan ko ang sariling mahalin siya ulit.

Good relationships don’t just happen. They take a lot of time, a lot of patience, and two people who truly want to be together. The beauty of loving begins the moment you decide to be yourself and just let love create its own destiny for the both of you.

It might end up good or bad, but it doesn’t matter as long as you experience what love is, you should be grateful because not everybody can feel it and not everybody receives it.

I was at the office the next day, same routine. Nang sumapit ang lunch time ay kagaya kahapon, sumabay ulit sa akin si Gael.

“ASG ulit?” panimula ng bagong pang-aasar niya habang kumakain kami sa receiving area. Magkaharap kami kaya saglit akong na-conscious sa aking hitsura kung namumula na naman ba ako kaya niya nasabi ’yon.

“Tumigil ka na nga sa kaka-ASG mo, we didn’t have sex, okay? Hindi pwedeng glow lang talaga? Walang after sex?” pangangatwiran ko.

I ordered food like yesterday, siya naman ay nagbaon. He shared his food to me, though ayon sa kanya ay siya raw ang nagluto. In fairness, he’s got skills in cooking.

“E bakit namumula ka? Hindi ka naman magkakaganyan kung hindi ka kinikilig o may iniisip na malaswa…” bubulong-bulong pa siya kaya inismiran ko.

“Alam mo Gael, ang baboy mo! Nasa harap tayo ng pagkain pero puro kababuyan ’yang lumalabas sa bibig mo!” dinuro ko pa siya gamit ang kutsara ko. Imbes na tumahimik ay nag-makeface pa ang loko. Parang bata!

“Ang sabihin mo nakatikim ka lang kagabi. Nakailang rounds ba kayo? Don’t tell me isa lang? Ang hina naman ng resistensya n’yang boyfriend mo kung gano’n!”

Pabalang akong tumungga ng malamig na tubig at tinitigan siya nang masama, ’yung tipong tatagos sa balat niya. Pero hindi siya tumingin sa akin at dedmang nagpatuloy sa pagkain.

Sa totoo lang ay wala naman talagang nangyari samin ni Levi kagabi. It was just dry sex, and kisses. Nagpahinga na rin kasi kami pagkatapos dahil parehong pagod sa trabaho.

Later in the afternoon, I was with Andrei the whole time. Nakalimutan ko pang tapusin kagabi ang mga inuwing folders kaya ang resulta ay ngayon ko ginagawa. I got so busy with Leviticus last night so here’s my endgame.

“The project manager’s asking about it. Pwede ko naman siyang i-update kung hindi pa talaga tapos?” suhestiyon ni Andrei habang pinagmamasdan akong binibilisan ang gawain.

“No, it’s fine Andrei. Malapit na rin naman itong matapos.” I put down the pen for a moment to rest my fingers a bit then continued devising the papers.

There’s a lot that needs to be devised that’s why it’s taking me longer. Eksaktong natapos ko ang mga iyon nang bumukas ang pintuan ng aking opisina at iniluwa nito ang project manager na si Zanro Carillo, salubong ang makakapal na kilay nang dumapo ang tingin sa akin.

“Why is it taking too long? We need it asap.” anito, ’di ko lang maintindihan kung bakit laging bugnot ito, sa akin lang ba o sa lahat? Pakiramdam ko sakin lang, e.

“Actually, katatapos lang. I’m sorry I got bombarded with loads of work but here you go, na-devise ko na ang mga ’yan. And next time, you don’t need to barge in here, you can ask my assistant for updates..” mabait kong tugon kahit na gustong-gusto ko siyang taasan ng boses.

Well, Zanro is good in his position so I still need to keep him. He might have a not-so-good behavior but it can be worked on. And I understand that people have reasons why they exhibit different behaviors.

“Okay, thanks.” tipid na sagot nito saka binuhat ang mga folders nang walang kahirap-hirap. Pinihit nito ang doorknob palabas pero lumingon pa sa akin. “I’m sorry for barging in.” huling wika nito animo’y nahihiya bago lisanin ang opisina ko.

See? People can change. Kailangan mo lang talagang pagpasensyahan. That’s what Leviticus has taught me since I have to deal with his different behaviors, too. It’s good that I can apply it at work.

Sinikop ko ang mga daliri ko dahil sa natapos na gawain. Ngayon, pwede na ulit akong pumetiks.

“The team are asking somebody from the engineering team..” bigkas ni Andrei habang may binabasa sa kanyang macbook.

“What about the head of engineering?”

He scrolled on to something and then gave me a look. “The head is on leave, that’s why they’re asking for your recommendation. This is for the residential space in Ayala..” aniya.

If it’s gonna be my personal recommendation then I’m already eyeing someone to take the role. “Ilan daw ang kailangan nila?”

“Wala namang nasabi, boss. Isa lang siguro ang kailangan.” pinakita niya sakin ang email na natanggap niya.

“Then send Gael.”

Andrei stopped from typing something in his laptop and looked at me warily.

“G-Gael?” nauutal niyang pag-ulit. Bakit ba kailangan niyang ulitin lahat ng sinasabi ko? Tinampal ko ang sarili at hinayaan na lamang.

“Yes, Andrei. As in Gamaliel Arciaga, ’yung laging narito kapag lunch ko? Go to his cubicle and tell him about it.” mas pinaliwanag ko ang instructions ko sa kanya upang hindi na siya magtanong pa.

“N-Ngayon na, Sir?”

I groaned inwardly, losing my hard-earned patience for him.

“Baka bukas? Kasi ngayon ko sinabi, e. O sa susunod na linggo? O huwag nalang? Andrei! Oo ngayon na!”

“S-Sige, Sir ngayon din pupuntahan ko!”

Natataranta siyang tumayo at saka saglit na binitawan ang kanyang laptop, inayos ang kanyang buhok at dali-daling humarurot palabas. Ugggh. He’s hopeless. I wished he would deliver the right news to Gael, o baka mautal na naman siya sa takot kapag nakaharap ang kaibigan ko?

Ilang sandali pa ang lumipas na nagpepetiks ako ay narinig ko ang pag-beep ng aking personal phone. Some unknown number sent a message to me. But as I read it, I eventually knew who it was.

Random number:

I want to call you but I’m held in a meeting. I miss you, I’m counting down the minutes ’til I see you.

I pressed my cheeks as my heart flutters while reading his message.

Me:

You’re in a meeting? Then stop texting me.

Nagsend ako ng reply sa kanya, ini-imagine ngayon ang lalaking ’yon na nasa gitna ng meeting pero nakatutok sa kanyang cellphone. I saved his number on my contact list and named him.. —wait, he sent another message. After creating his profile, I scrolled down to see it.

Papi:

You can’t stop me. If I was there, I’d be kissing you right now.

Good god! How could this man be so damn sweet?! After giving him the words of certainty last night, he has stronger guts now to do this. I can’t help but to smile and press my cheeks more. My face is getting hot. This is just a text and he still has this effect, oh lord!

My phone beeped for another text. Mas lalo akong pinamulahan ng mukha nang mabasa ang sunod na mensahe niya.

Papi:

Stop imagining I’m kissing you right now, it’s making me horny. Save that for later. See you tonight, sugar lips.

Chapter 42 [Essence]

It’s normal to think that Leviticus is just visiting me in my condo unit, but it went beyond normalcy since every night he comes to visit me, and not just visit but he stays until morning. Mas madali sigurong isipin na nagli-live in na kami, gaya ng dati kung saan ako ang nakikitira sa kanya, ngayon ay baligtad na ang mundo at siya na ang nakikituloy sa akin.

Not that he doesn’t have a house, but he feels home whenever he’s with me. Nagkikita sila ng kanyang anak kada weekend, sa mga araw na pumapasok siya ay sakin siya umuuwi. His daughter Levianna is now in her first grade, sometimes Levi would share stories about her.

Kasalukuyan akong naglilinis sa kitchen area habang si Leviticus ay nag-take ng saglit na shower sa bathroom. Nang matapos sa paglilinis ay tumambay na lang ako sa living room at nanood ng isang football game sa tv. Hindi na ’to nalilipat dahil iyon ang hilig na panoorin ni Leviticus.

Nakuha ng katok sa pintuan ang aking atensyon. I put down the remote controller then I stood up to answer the door. Pagbukas ay naaninag ko ang dalawa sa mga tauhan ni Leviticus na may dala-dalang mga boxes.

Wala akong kaide-ideya sa laman ng mga iyon, pinapasok ko ang mga ito saka nila ibinaba ang apat na kahon sa isang banda.

“What are those?” hindi ko mapigilang makuryoso sa kanilang mga dala, tinitigan ko lang ang mga kahon saka bumaling sa dalawang tauhan.

“Utos po ni Sir Levi na dalhin dito.” sagot ng isa, hindi naman sila nagtagal at nagpaalam na din.

I was left alone with those boxes. Bumalik ako sa pagkakaupo sa couch, pero ilang segundo ang lumipas ay pabalik-balik ang tingin ko sa mga kahon. Hindi ko napigilan at kusang gumalaw ang mga paa ko. I squatted on the floor and tried to open one of the boxes. Leviticus ordered those guys to bring these here, ano kaya ang maaaring laman nito?

The first box that I opened, I saw some clothings, Levi’s clothes to be exact. May pang-casual wear at mayroon ding pamasok sa opisina. Gulantang sa mga nakita, I tried to open the other three remaining boxes and I found shoes, belts, watch collection, underwears, male perfumes, toiletries and other stuffs for personal hygiene, and the last box contained envelopes and folders.

Aba’t may balak na nga talagang dito tumira ang loko? Kumpleto ang mga gamit at kulang nalang ay sabihin kong naglilipat-bahay na yata siya.

“Are those the boxes I asked to be delivered?” I heard Levi’s voice all of a sudden behind me, napanganga ako nang tingalain siya sa kinatatayuan. Balot ng puting tuwalya ang kanyang ibabang katawan at tumatagiktik pa ang tubig mula sa kanyang buhok pababa sa umuusok na katawan. Good god!

“Hindi mo naman nasabi saking maglilipat-bahay ka na pala? Ang dami nito, ah? Wala ka ng planong bumalik sa bahay mo?” I threw those questions with sarcasm habang tinuturo ko ang laman ng mga kahon sa harapan namin.

But instead of explaining it right away, he just stared at it and puckered his lips. Lumapit siya roon at sinuri ang ilang kahon, parang sinisiguro pa kung kumpleto at walang kulang.

“I asked my men to send my personal stuffs, ’di ko naman akalaing kukuhanin nila lahat.” aniya, pinakiramdaman ko ang kanyang boses at ang kanyang mukha sakaling hindi siya nagsasabi ng totoo.

“Really? Sa dami niyan, saan mo ilalagay ’yan? Di naman kasya ang lahat ng ’yan sa closet ko.” pahayag ko. Like what I’ve said before, my unit is actually fit for a single person, maging ang mga kagamitan ay pang-isang tao lang. Hindi gaanong malaki ang espasyo.

He looked at me like I mentioned something irrelevant to him. Naputol ang titigan namin nang marinig ang muling katok sa pintuan. Tumayo siya ngunit inunahan ko siya sa pagbukas ng pintuan, mamaya ay si Dad na pala ito at malintikan pa.

Ilan pang tauhan niya ang namataan ko sa labas ng aking unit, buhat-buhat ang isang… aparador?!

“May paglalagyan naman kaya walang problema..” bulong ng dumaang si Leviticus sa likuran ko at saka itinuro sa mga tauhan ang paglalagyan ng kanyang aparador.

What the hell?!

Sinundan ko sila sa bedroom. Sa tabi ng aking personal closet ay doon nila ipinuwesto ang aparador na mas matangkad pa kumpara sa aking damitan. And I also noticed that this is a brand new closet!

“Teka, bago ’to ah? Namili ka pa?” tanong ko kay Leviticus na naupo sa dulo ng aking kama habang hinihintay ang mga tauhan na ilipat ang mga kahon mula sa living room patungo sa bedroom.

“Yeah, anong problema e may pambili naman ako?” tugon niya na parang wala lang ang nangyayari. Hindi naman ’yun ang punto ko.

I’m not completely against him staying here and transferring his stuffs but still I can’t stay not overwhelmed by all of these. Nagugulat nalang ako at baka mamaya ay kung anu-ano pa ang kagamitang pagbibilhin niya, kung iisiping hindi naman kalakihan ang espasyo sa unit ko para sa mga ’yon.

“Who’s living at your house, then?” muli kong tanong, iniisip ang walang taong bahay niya.

He gazed at me after his men finished transferring the boxes. Umalis na ang mga ito at naiwan kaming dalawa.

“No one. Sometimes Legend is staying there when he gets bored in his house. Dad also visits some time or like twice a month.” paliwanag niya. Nabanggit niya rin sakin noong isang araw na nakabalik na ng Pilipinas si Legend.

At paano kung malaman ng pamilya niya na hindi na siya roon tumitira? Baka hanapin siya? Paano kung malaman na sa unit ko siya tumutuloy?

“I can read the worry on your face, Riley. Don’t worry about it. Alam naman ni Legend kung anong mayroon tayo, at siya na ang bahala kay Dad.” dahil tumabi ako sa kanyang kinauupuan ay umusog siya palapit at saka ako nilambing. He sniffs my scent and leaves kisses around my neck.

Anong ibig niyang sabihin na alam ni Legend kung anong mayroon kami?

“Anong alam ni Legend?” pagbabalik ko ng tanong sa kanya pero imbes na pagtuunan ng pansin ang katanungan ko, abala siya sa pagyapos at paghalik sa akin. He’s still on his bath towel and his cold skin is bumping on my arm.

“He knows about our relationship.”

“What?! Kailan pa?” nagulantang ako sa nalaman. Kung totoo ang sinasabi niya, ibig sabihin posibleng alam na niya ang estado ng relasyon namin lalo na noong huling pagkikita namin.

“Since you disappeared. Uhh… three years ago?”

Three years ago?! What the fuck?! Edi ang tagal na pala! Wala rin namang nabanggit sakin si Legend noong nagkita kami sa meeting kasama ang Del Grandes, wala siyang sinabi tungkol doon. Hindi naman din siya mukhang tutol.

But still… it’s his brother.. and he normally visits when I was taking care of him before. Baka isipin niya ay inakit ko ang kapatid niya noong mga panahong doon pa ako nakatira.

“I didn’t know that…” bulong ko, saglit siyang huminto sa pagyapos at nag-angat ng tingin sa akin. Him, looking at me this close sends shivers down my spine. Nangungusap ang kanyang mga mata at parang napakaraming gustong sabihin.

“Of course, you didn’t know because you were so busy with your own life, kinalimutan mo na ako..” nahimigan ko ang pagtatampo sa boses niya. Bumuntong-hininga ako at hinaplos ang ibaba ng kanyang mukha.

“I didn’t forget you, I was just… angry… and indifferent.. but you were always on my mind.. and the t-things we did..” pahayag ko, unti-unting sumibol ang ngiti sa kanyang labi dahil sa huling nabanggit ko.

“You mean the bathroom scene?” pagbibiro niya kaya tinulak ko palayo ang lumalapit niyang mukha. Bathroom scene ang tawag niya do’n?

“Forget it, Levi.”

“No, I won’t. That’s our first time. And I love it.” mahina ang bungisngis niya at saka hinatak ang aking likuran palapit sa kanya. He inhaled my scent once again, like he can’t get enough of it, and later on his lips started its travel on my neck.

It sends tickles due to his stubbles, but at the same time it sends burning emotions throughout my veins. Ang nakaliliyong pagromansa niya sa akin ay nanaig, walang pakundangan akong sumampa sa kanyang mga hita at hinuli ang kanyang nagbabagang mga labi.

The bath towel is still hugging his lower body but his bulge is already poking on my buttocks. Buhay na ito at mukhang handa sa paparating na giyera. I placed my hands on his shoulders, his arms are in an inclined position on the bed to stop us from laying down.

“You wannna get pregnant again, huh?” pang-aakit niya nang saglit kong tinigilan ang kanyang mga labi. The shade in his eyes evolved into something darker, it resembled a pitch-black color.

“I’ll bear it if it’s yours…” tugon ko, ngumisi siya at saka muling hinatak ang aking likuran. This time, it’s more vicious and with so much aggression. He groaned like a wild animal set free for the first time.

“We’re gonna have a lot of fucking children, then..” he hissed as his fiery kisses sailed down and since I was wearing a loose shirt, it gave him an easy access to my chest just by folding it up, not totally removing it.

“Good god! Levi!” I moaned so loud when he sucked my nipples. He played with it using his tongue, lumulundo na ang likuran ko dahil sa nakapanghihinang sensasyon pero inalalayan ako ng kanyang isang braso.

While he’s doing that, I created a rhythm on his lap, I started grinding so that I can feel more his pulsating cock beneath the towel.

“Damn, Riley… That’s so.. fucking good..” he stopped as he gets distracted with me grinding on top of him.

Dahil hindi na makapagpigil ay umalis ako sa kandungan niya at lumuhod sa kanyang harapan. In one swift motion, I removed the towel covering his most prized possession.

Natakam ako nang makitang tigas na tigas na ito at naglalawa na ang precum sa namumulang ulo nito, bumabakat na rin ang ilang ugat na nakapalibot sa matabang katawan nito. I looked up at him to see his eyes filled with unrelenting desire.

“Come on, Riley taste it. It misses the warmth and care of your mouth…” he urged me while looking down on me. Now both of his arms are inclined on the bed while he spreads his legs wider.

Umakyat ako sa katawan niya at hinalikan siya nang mabilis, bumaba ang labi ko sa kanyang dibdib at sinuso ang kanyang tayung-tayong utong.

“Holy son of a… fuck! Yeaahhh…” nanghihina na siya dahil sa mga ungol niya. Mas pinagbuti ko ang pagsuso sa kanya. My hand found its way to his cock and I began masturbating him. Halos hindi ko pa mapagdikit ang aking mga daliri dahil sa angking taba nito.

“Oh god you’re fucking driving me crazy!” he kept on moaning louder, good thing that I chose a soundproof unit.

Nagpalipat-lipat ako sa pagsuso sa kanyang mapupulang utong, na mas lalong nagpalakas sa kanyang ungol. Nang makuntento ay bumaba ang dila ko sa bukol-bukol niyang tiyan. Bumalik ako sa pagkakaluhod habang pinapasadahan ng dila ang bawat bitak sa kanyang abdomen.

“Fuck! Fuck! Riley! Lalabasan na yata ako sa ginagawa mo..”

“Don’t!” pagpigil ko sa kanya. There’s no way he could come yet, we are not on the climax yet so he better prevent himself from his orgasm.

“Damn it!” he cursed silently as he tried to stop whatever orgasm is about to burst. Napangiti ako sa kanyang mukha na puno ng kasabikan at pagpipigil.

I put my hands below his erection and stared at it closely, this man is really good at his work in the construction field because he surely knows how to build something, like his hot arousal that’s unyielding and standing so proud.

Measuring its thickness with my small fingers, I tried to lick it as a start, treating it like an ice cream that’s already melting and I need to lick its sides to keep it from dripping.

Tutok na tutok naman ang paningin sa akin ni Leviticus habang pinaglalaruan ko ang kanyang pagka-lalaki gamit ang malikot kong dila. Sinabunutan niya ang sarili kaya nagulo na sa pagkakaayos ang kanyang buhok. His jawline became more prominent as he sighs consecutively.

One final lick and I suck in his erection, completely dominating it inside my mouth.

“Oh fucking god! That’s fucking… goooood… baby…” he licked his lips and he’s now looking up at the ceiling. His adam’s apple moved up and down, swallowing whatever lump he has in his throat.

Dahil sa angking pinagpala ang lalaking ito ay nahirapan akong isubo iyon ng buo, hanggang kalahati pa lang yata ang naipasok ko. Damn it! This is so fucking huge but I want to deepthroat him!

I was in the middle of my own thoughts when I felt his hands on my head, caressing my hair slightly, now he’s looking at me but I didn’t see any pressure in his eyes.

“I’m not forcing you to take it completely, kung hindi kasya sa bibig m—”

“Pagkakasyahin ko, Lev! Don’t tell me what I can’t do!” pagmamatigas ko nang iluwa ang kanyang kargada. Nag-igting ang kanyang panga sa hindi ko malamang emosyon.

“Alright, do you want me to help you?”

Napaisip ako kung paano niya gagawin ’yun pero hinayaan ko nalang. Sinubo ko ulit ang tarugo niya at sinubukang pagkasyahin ito sa loob ng aking bibig, sinasagad ko pero naramdaman ko ang bahagyang paggalaw ng kanyang katawan. Nalaman kong umuulos siya papasok sa aking bibig habang ang dalawang kamay niya ay nasa likuran ng ulo ko.

I didn’t know this is the kind of help he was talking about. But it was effective! Now, his motherfucking cock delved in deeper into my mouth, governing the whole space of my mouth entirely.

I gagged but I didn’t stop. Nagliliyab na ang mga mata ni Leviticus habang bumibilis pa ang kanyang pagbayo.

“You’re so fucking warm…. damn it! ohhh!” he moaned. Sinabayan ko ang pagbayo niya, napagtanto kong hindi na ako nahihirapan at para na lamang normal itong ginagawa ko. Nasanay na ang bibig ko sa sukat niya.

Naging natural na pampadulas ang kanyang rumaragasang katas, pumipintig pa ang kanyang kargada sa loob ng bibig ko. Hindi ko pinalalampas ang tumatakas na katas sa tuktok nito at dinilaan lahat iyon, walang sinayang kahit isa.

We were in the middle of that hot scene when we heard his ringtone. He cursed voiceless, but then I noticed that his phone was just on the bed. Whoever is calling him, I don’t want him to answer it but my thinking is too late when he answered the phonecall.

“Hello?!” may galit sa tono niya nang sagutin. Malalim ang kanyang paghinga, pero hindi ako makapaniwalang kaya niyang sagutin iyon kahit na kasalukuyang nasa loob ng bibig ko ang kargada niya.

“What? No. I’m with Riley… yeah..” at talagang binanggit pa niya ang pangalan ko. Who is that?

Mukhang nabasa naman niya ang katanungan sa isip ko kaya saglit siyang tumigil at bumaling sa akin. He mouthed that it’s his brother, Legend.

Habang abala siya sa kausap ay ipinagpatuloy ko ang ginagawa. Sinubo kong muli ng buo ang kanyang pagkalalaki hanggang sa maabot nito ang dulo ng lalamunan ko.

“Holy fuck! W-What? No, I was just..” Levi traced my eyes but I didn’t stop from eating him. Bahala siya diyan! May gana pa siyang makipag-usap sa telepono habang sinusubo ko siya?

Mas pinagbuti ko pa ang pagdila sa kanyang kahabaan, dinilaan ko hanggang sa masimot ang lahat ng tumatakas na katas sa tuktok ng ulo nito, pero patuloy pa rin ang paglawa nito. Walang hanggang katas ang iginagawad sa akin.

“Yeahhh….” naririnig ko ang pagsang-ayon niya sa sinasabi ng kausap pero tunog ungol na iyon para sa akin.

“Riley? He’s below me.. No! Fuck, I mean he’s b-busy working, yeah..” I caught him massaging the sides of his head as he looked at me while biting his lip.

Pansamantala kong tinigilan ang kanyang kahabaan. I played with his balls next, sucking it inside my mouth, savoring everything about it.

“Dammmmnnn… yeahhh I’m busy working too, so stop fucking calling me!” I looked up when I heard him put the phone down.

Malinaw ang kasabikan sa kanyang mga mata nang balikan ako ng tingin. Hindi ko alam kung galit o gigil sa akin, pero hinawakan niya ang ulo ko at inginudngod pa lalo sa kanyang ari.

“Fucking suck it! Uhhhhhmmmm…” he whimpered, I sucked in his cock back and this time my tongue snaked around his shaft. Mabilis ang pasok nito at dumudulas na sa aking bibig.

He even held his shaft and played with it, manipulating it by slowly smashing its length on my face. Napuno na rin ng kanyang katas ang aking mukha dahil doon.

And then while holding it, he penetrates it inside my mouth with full force.

“Goddamn take it all in! Uggghh!” gigil niyang ungol. Napahawak na ako sa kanyang baywang bilang suporta. Lumalakas na ang kanyang mga bayo hanggang sa maramdaman ko ang paglaki nito sa loob ko.

“Fuuuckk I’m coming… baby…”

Hindi nagtagal ay sumabog na nga ang kanyang katas sa loob ng aking bibig. Mainit iyon at malapot, nagtaas-baba pa ako sa kanyang tarugo upang mapiga ang lahat ng katas. Nilunok ko ang lahat at walang itinira.

Pagod na pagod siyang bumagsak sa kama habang nililinisan ko ang kanyang ari gamit ang aking dila. Hinahabol niya ang kanyang hininga at kahit bagong ligo kanina ay balot naman siya ng pawis ngayon.

“Come here..” utos niya nang matapos ako.

“Ang dami no’n, ah.. Nabusog ako..” pagbibiro ko sa kanya nang umakyat ako sa kama. Napahiyaw ako nang mabilis niya akong niyakap pahiga, kinukulong sa kanyang mga bisig.

“Did you like it?” there was adoration in his eyes, now we’re just cuddling after. His hands went inside my shirt and caressed my nipples.

“Yeah, your cum tastes sweet. Naubos ko na yata?” lumingon ako sa kanya, at napansin ang nakakalokong ngisi sa kanyang mukha.

“Nahh, meron pang laman ’yan..”

“Nahh, pagod na ako, Lev. At maaga pa tayo bukas.” pagpigil ko sa kung anomang posibleng kasunod ang tumatakbo sa utak niya ngayon.

He chuckled sexily and then he just kissed the side of my face. Tumigil siya at hinawakan ang aking pisngi.

“You still have my uhmm… cum in your face..” puna niya, nang malito ako ay pinagtawanan niya ako.

Akma akong tatayo upang magbanlaw ng mukha sa bathroom pero hinatak niya ang braso ko pabalik. Halos dumagan ako sa dibdib niya sa aktong iyon.

“It’s okay, I like seeing your face with my essence, though..” his face is now red while suppressing his laughter.

“Ewan ko sa’yo, Levi! Maglilinis ako ng mukha!” he let me go and I still heard his annoying chuckle while walking towards the bathroom.

Inside the bathroom, nanlalagkit ang mukha ko at napansin ko sa aking repleksyon sa salamin na may mga tumalsik na katas nga sa aking mukha. Good god!

Kinuha ko ang mga ’yon gamit ang daliri at isinubo, like what I said wala akong ititira kahit isa. I love everything about him even every drop of his cum, every essence of his fucking love.

Chapter 43 [Silence]

I slowly put my phone down on the desk after the call from the Del Grandes, I tried to ask them for another meeting but they are not available right now. But they also mentioned about a party or something and they invited me to come so we can also talk there.

Agad naman akong pumayag para na rin maituloy ko na ang agenda ko sa kanila. Del Grandes are known for their carpentry works, they can provide both office and residential carpentry services and they are known as one of the best in the country, next to Gracianos and Torralbas in the industry of construction.

Kasalukuyan kong binubuklat ang ilang papeles tungkol sa market landscapes na kailangan kong pag-aralan upang i-presenta sa mga Del Grandes sa susunod, nang magbukas ang pintuan at pumasok ang aking assistant na si Andrei. He’s usually holding his macbook air and I saw him occupy the chair in front of my desk.

“I need you to call the head of finance, Andrei.” utos ko sa kanya habang nililipat ko sa ibang pahina ang binabasa.

“You mean Dorothy? Okay, boss. She’s online so I’ll just ping her..” he manipulated something in his laptop.

Last week, my email access is already fixed so I can now see the emails being sent to me. I reviewed some recent emails regarding the status of the latest project we have. Si Zanro Carillo ang nagsend sa akin no’n, at nalaman kong nagsend din sila ng request para sa bagong suplay ng mga materyales.

I typed in my response to his email, when I heard the door opened.

“Darling, you called for me?” pumasok sa loob si Dorothy na putok na putok ang pulang labi, Andrei excused himself and switched his seats. Inokupa naman ni Dorothy ang inuupuan ni Andrei kanina, sa tapat ng aking desk.

“I’ll be out of the office after lunch, how was your meeting with the team?” pangungumusta ko sa kanya.

“Our teams are working fine, Richard Bailey. I’ve called the marketing agency and told them all the requests for the advertisement.” malambing na tugon niya habang nakangiti.

Isinantabi ko muna ang pinag-aaralang market landscapes at binuksan ang folder tungkol sa latest report ng finance.

“I read your report.. aren’t you spending too much money on promotions?” prangka kong tanong nang mabasa ang pahina tungkol sa lahat ng nagastos ngayong linggo para roon. “And these untargeted ads can result to waste of funds, you know that Dorothy..” dugtong ko.

Sandaling natigilan siya sa sinabi ko at napalunok ng ilang beses. Namula ang kanyang mukha, idagdag pa ang pulang labi ay nagmukha na siyang kamatis.

“We’re currently working on the budget so that we can flex it until the end of week.” sagot niya naman.

I sighed. I closed the folder I was reading because it just says all the same information, and the budget is in a red flag status right now. I can’t bear present this kind of data once I meet with the Del Grandes again. This needs to be fixed.

“Stop with the outsourcing, that’s not in the company’s best interest due to our budget right now. And have you seen the charges? That won’t necessarily provide enhanced results, Dorothy. I need you to come up with a solution before the end of this week.” kalmadong pahayag ko upang hindi siya gaanong matakot sa akin.

“O-Okay, Sir. I’ll cancel the outsourcing, then.” tumango siya bilang pagsang-ayon sa mga feedback ko. Nagpatuloy pa kami sa pag-uusap tungkol sa iba pang problema sa finance nang bumukas ang pintuan at sumungaw ang ulo ni Gael doon.

I raised an eyebrow to him. Napatingin ako sa wall clock at nalamang kinse minutos nalang ay lunch time na. Dahil nakita niyang may kausap pa ako, ay nginuso ko sa kanya ang receiving area upang doon ako hintayin. Andrei is sitting there when Gael joined him.

I continued the discussion with Dorothy about the problems we currently have with finance and the possible solutions, and she willingly agreed to all of it.

Nang makalabas ng aking opisina si Dorothy ay tumayo ako sa aking kinauupuan at nag-unat ng mga braso at binti, I’ve been working so hard since this morning. Dinaluhan ko sina Gael doon sa receiving area at saka siya tinabihan sa isang sofa.

“Labas tayo?” Gael suggested when I rested my head on top of the sofa.

“Hindi ako pwede, dito nalang ulit ako kakain. May lakad ako mamaya.” tugon ko habang inaalala ang email na na-receive ko mula kay Symon dahil ngayon na ang tinutukoy niyang photoshoot para sa isang business magazine.

I wanted to turn him down but he’s really persistent, kaya um-oo nalang din ako.

“Lakad? Aalis ka? Hindi ako kasama?” he pouted his lips, acting like my boyfriend or something. Tinulak ko ang mukha niya dahil alam kong isa na naman ’to sa pang-aasar niya.

“Bakit kita isasama? Boyfriend ba kita?” prangkang tanong ko saka umayos sa pagkakaupo. I realized Andrei is still with us, sitting on a one-seater couch and he’s typing something on his laptop.

“Andrei, it’s already lunch. Wala ka pa bang balak na kumain?” puna ko sa kanya upang makuha ang atensyon niya. He immediately looked at me, and then at the man beside me, and then back at me. Anong problema nito?

“Wala pa ’yong pina-deliver kong pagkain, boss. Hindi kasi ako nakapagbaon. Kaya dito muna ako..” tumango-tango naman ako sa nalaman saka muling binalingan ang aking katabi na naiwan ang tingin sa assistant ko.

“Nag-order ka rin ba?” I asked Gael, the reason why he gazed back at me.

“Oo, sinabay ko na ’yung iyo..” aniya habang nakangiti.

Sa mga nakalipas na araw ay siya ang madalas na nag-oorder ng aming pagkain dahil wala akong oras para roon. Napag-usapan pa namin ni Gael iyong tungkol sa pagrekomenda ko sa kanya sa isang proyekto sa Ayala nang dumating ang aming pagkain. Pero napansin kong hindi pa rin umaalis si Andrei sa kinauupuan niya. He usually eats at the pantry but I don’t know why he chose to wait here in my office.

Nakalatag na ang mga pagkain namin sa ibabaw ng coffee table nang marinig kong magsalita si Gael.

“Wala pa ba ’yong pagkain mo?” tanong ni Gael kay Andrei, hindi ko malaman kung nag-aalala ba o basta may maitanong lang sa assistant ko.

Andrei’s cheeks are a bit flushing when he noticed me looking at him. Bigla akong na-weirdohan at ’di napigilang mag-isip ng kakaiba.

“W-Wala pa, e.” tipid nitong sagot sa aking kaibigan. Gael slowly nods his head while looking down on our food.

Nang hindi makaramdam ang aking kaibigan ay siniko ko siya at inginuso ang aking assistant. I even raised an eyebrow when he didn’t understand what I was trying to tell him with my gestures.

“Ah e sumabay ka na kaya samin? Marami naman ’tong pagkain namin.” sa wakas ay nakuha ni Gael ang gusto kong mangyari at inalok niya si Andrei na wala na sa kanyang laptop ngayon ang atensyon. Matagal itong natulala at hindi nakapagsalita.

“You should join us, Andrei. Baka matagalan pa ’yang in-order mo?” dagdag ko upang mas maging komportable siya. Malakas kasi ang pakiramdam ko na hindi siya palagay dito kay Gael, baka natatakot dahil may pagka-brusko itong lalaking katabi ko.

“O-O sige.” aniya at saka itinabi ang kanyang laptop.

Siniko ko ulit si Gael upang makuha ang atensyon niya, inginuso ko sa kanya ang extra utensils upang iabot kay Andrei pero sinimangutan pa ako ng loko. Iaabot lang, anong mahirap doon?

“Here..” Gael finally handed the extra utensils to my assistant but unfortunately it slipped off his hand.

“Oh!” nagulat siya sa nangyari at agad na pinulot ang nahulog na mga kubyertos.

“Naku, baka marumi na ’yan, akin na at hugasan ko muna..” komento ni Gael kaya napangiti nalang ako habang pinagmamasdan silang dalawa na maging komportable sa isa’t isa. Kinuha ni Gael ang mga kubyertos sa kamay ni Andrei at saka hinugasan iyon sa washroom.

We ate silently while I’m skimming through my phone. Nakatanggap ako ng mensahe kay Symon at doon ko nabasa ang address ng kanilang studio na pupuntahan ko. Dumating din kalaunan ang pagkaing na-order ni Andrei subalit patapos na siya at hindi na nagawang makain pa iyon.

I was wearing my coat back when I heard my assistant talking to Gael, they are still at the receiving area cleaning the styros and the utensils.

“Iyo nalang ’to, hindi ko na makakain e.” Andrei handed the paperbag containing the food he ordered a while ago to Gael.

Gael stared at the paperbag and then shook his head. “Hindi na, nakakahiya naman.” tugon niya.

Si Gael nahihiya? Ewan ko pero parang nakakatawa sa pandinig ko ’yon kaya napatingin silang dalawa sa gawi ko. Gael frowned at me because he probably knows the reason why I laughed. Mapagpanggap din ang isang ’to e.

“Sigurado ka? Sayang naman ’yung perang pinambili mo rito kung ibibigay mo rin pala sa iba.” komento pa niya, nagkamot ng batok si Andrei.

“I-It’s fine, hindi ’yun sayang kasi kakainin mo naman.”

I don’t know why I’m rolling my eyes from hearing their conversation.

“Salamat kung gano’n, ’di bale ako naman ang magpapakain sa’yo sa susunod.” bwelta pa ni Gael.

But this time, hindi ko napigilang bumunghalit ng tawa. Tangina nitong si Gael, ako lang ang naka-gets ng ibig niyang sabihin dahil sanay na sanay na ako sa kanya noon pa man at ganoon din ang linyahan niya sakin noon.

“T-Talaga, magpapakain ka?” parang hindi makapaniwalang tanong ni Andrei. Binitbit ko na ang bag ko dahil hindi ko na kayang manatili at pakinggan silang dalawa.

Gael is a real vulgar, kahit noon pa ay gano’n na siya. And Andrei on the other side seems to be so oblivious about everything, such a slowpoke. Somehow they resemble me and Leviticus before. Magkaibang-magkaiba ang ugali.

Nahagip ko pa ang tingin sakin ni Gael bago ako lumabas ng aking opisina. “Oo, magkakainan tayo sa susunod.”

I shook my head after hearing Gael’s last words to my assistant.

I went straight to thee address Symon texted me. Gamit ang aking sasakyan, bumaba ako sa basement ng isang matayog na building. I rode an elevator and a corridor with mounted frames hanging on each side of the walls welcomed me.

Malinis ang paligid at makintab ang puting tiles sa sahig. Palipat-lipat ang tingin ko sa mga larawang naka-frame sa pader, naagaw ng pinaka-huling larawan ang paningin ko. It was a photograph of Symon’s husband set in a grassfield while wearing a branded parka jacket and denim pants. Gwapong-gwapo ito sa kuhang iyon.

Hindi pa man ako tapos sa pagtitig doon nang may kumalabit sa akin. It was Symon, napansin yata ang pagtagal ko ng tingin doon sa larawan.

“Sana nagtext ka na nandito ka na pala, halika na sa loob..” aniya at saka hinatak ako paalis doon sa harapan ng malaking frame.

Dinala niya ako sa loob, maliwanag dahil sa mga light stands na nakapaligid sa bawat sulok. May iilang tao sa loob na sa tingin ko’y photographers at stylists, napansin ko rin ang ilang tripods at iba pang kagamitan sa paligid.

“So here’s the famous owner of Graciano Constructions, nice to meet you. I’m Bunny..” kinamayan ako ng isang matangkad na babae na hula ko’y transgender, maganda siya at bumagay ang kulay ng kanyang buhok sa kulay ng kanyang balat.

Nakangiti sa gilid ko si Symon nang tanggapin ko ang nakalahad na kamay ng nagpakilalang Bunny. “Nice to meet you too..”

Symon introduced me to some of the photographers they have on site, nakipagkamay ako kina Hermann at Brunner na malugod akong binati. Kinawayan din ako ni August nang masilayan niya ang pagdating ko, hindi nga lang nakalapit dahil kasalukuyang inaayusan ng isang hairstylist.

Tinitigang mabuti ni Symon ang kasuotan ko pero aniya’y okay na raw iyon, sakto naman sa theme ng magazine since business naman ang ifini-feature roon. I’m wearing a black Armani suit, black trousers, and a black Louis Phillipe leather shoes. He called some stylist to prep me up for the photoshoot.

Pinaupo nila ako sa isang stool habang inaayusan ng mga stylists ang aking buhok. Nilalagyan din nila ng kaunting foundation ang aking mukha.

“Concealer lang po ito, para pumantay ang kulay sa mukha niyo.” paalala ng isang baklang make up artist sa akin. Tumango lang ako at nanatiling pirmi sa aking upuan.

They are still prepping up the background and the lightings when I saw Symon’s husband’s arrival with a baby on his arms, it’s a boy and I think he’s around two or three years old.

Well, I didn’t know they have a baby.

When Symon saw them, he immediately went to them and he took the small kid with him.

“Symon..” Troy called him but Symon got busy and has all the attention to their baby.

“I’m sorry for the delay, pero malapit na silang matapos. Kulang kasi kami sa tao ngayon.” paghingi ng paumanhin sakin nang lumapit sakin si Symon, imbes na sa kanya tumingin ay sa batang karga niya ako napapatingin.

“Oh! This is our son, Timothee. Say hello to him, baby..” kinuha niya pa ang kamay ng bata upang ikaway sa akin. The baby boy is so cute, kuhang-kuha ang mata at ekspresyon ng kanyang asawa.

“Helloww..” bigkas ng bata saka ngumiti sa akin. Hindi ko na rin napigilang mapangiti. He’s just adorable. I noticed Troy went to our location.

“Kay Daddy ka muna baby, okay? Magwork muna ang Daddy Symon.” ipinasa ni Symon ang bata sa asawa na kanina pang nakatingin sa kanya ng seryoso.

“Symon, let’s tal—”

“I’ll call you once they are done with the setting..” Symon smiled at me, ignoring his husband, and then he walked away to check on the staff.

“Damn… Symon!” hinabol siya ng kanyang asawa. Seems like they have a fight or something based on the way Symon ignores him.

Ilang minuto pa ang lumipas nang magsimula ang photoshoot. They let me sit on a small platform and they told me to do any pose I’m comfortable with. It lasted for at least an hour, matagal rin pala ang ganitong mga photoshoot. Kada palit ng background ay binabalikan ako ng mga stylists upang ayusan.

I already wanted to sit just to rest when I saw someone familiar in the audience. Just like me, he’s sporting a business attire. Tinagalan ko ang titig kay Leviticus hanggang sa magtama ang tingin namin. Troy was talking to him but he could still wink at me.

Napansin ko rin ang atensyong nakukuha niya sa mga tao sa paligid. Why is he here, though? At paano niya nalamang nandito ako?

Nagpaalam ako saglit kay Symon na magpapahinga, pumayag naman siya saka ako tumungo sa kinaroroonan ni Leviticus.

“Bakit narito ka?” tanong ko sa kanya, Symon’s husband looked at me.

Levi stepped closer to me and I wasn’t aware of what he’s about to do not until he planted a soft kiss on my cheek.

“I was invited for a photoshoot, didn’t know you’re here too…” bulong niya sakin. Kinilabutan ako dahil sa ginawa niya. Nag-init ang mukha ko.

He just kissed me in public! Hindi man sa labi, kahit sa pisngi lang iyon ay malakas na ebidensya na iyon para isipin ng mga taong may relasyon kami. Nahihiya akong bumaling kay Troy na poker face at parang wala lang ang nasaksihan.

“Nandito ka na pala! Napaaga ka yata? Isang oras pa bago ang shoot natin ah?” lumapit si Symon sa kinaroroonan namin kaya nalaman ko ’yun. Isang oras pa! Ibig sabihin, alam talaga ng lokong ’to na nandito ako kaya inagahan niya!

“It’s good to be early, and since I don’t have any other important things to do in the company so..” he shrugged his shoulders.

“Take a seat..” prisinta ni Symon pero nang mapansin niyang kausap pala nito ang asawa niya ay hinayaan na niya.

“Where’s Timothee?” Symon asked his husband, napansin ko ring wala na ang bata. Bilang sagot, inginuso ni Troy ang kinaroroonan nila August at iba pang stylists sa isang at doon ay nilalaro nila ang bata.

“Symon, come here!” sinundan nito ang asawa na mukhang umiiwas na naman. I was left alone with my boyfriend.

“Isang oras pa naman pala bago ang shoot mo, kanino mo nalamang nandito ako?” kuryosong tanong ko sa kanya pero ngumuso lang ang loko, ayaw sagutin ang tanong ko.

“It doesn’t matter… anyway you look good in your suit..” aniya habang unti-unting lumalapit, ako naman ay parang timang na kinakabahan, malakas ang pakiramdam ko na pinagtitinginan na kami ngayon ng mga tao.

Naging cue iyon para punahin ko rin ang kasuotan niya. A dark grey suit is hugging his well-built body, tinernuhan ng itim na pantalon at sapatos. Kung ikukumpara naman, ’di hamak na mas gwapo siya sakin.

Natigil lamang ang titigan namin nang tawagin ako ni Symon para sa huling shots. Papaakyat pa lamang ako sa mababang podium nang kausapin niya ako.

“I also invited Leviticus to take part in this magazine, since both of your names are well-known in the business industry..” aniya, ’di naman ako nagtanong sa kanya pero nagpaliwanag pa rin siya. “A-And I didn’t know you two are…” he hesitated for a moment.

“We’re in a relationship, yes. He’s my boyfriend.” ako na ang tumapos sa balak niyang sabihin. He eventually nodded but I was confused with the bothered look on his face.

“Oh! okay, so that explains the kiss. I was a bit confused since I heard that he has a fiancee before but now… y-you’re.. I mean.. forget it, let’s contin—”

“I’m sorry, fiancee?” kumunot ang noo ko at hindi makapaniwala kung tama ba ang narinig ko.

Symon looked at me but he suddenly changed the expresssion on his face into something lighter. Pero namumutla pa rin ang mukha niya.

“W-Wala ’yun, narinig ko lang noon pero baka hindi naman totoo.” I heard his nervous laugh.

“So he has a fiancee? Who?”

Natutop niya ang kanyang bibig at hindi na nakapagsalita pa. I’m starting to feel indifferent once again. Umiling-iling sakin si Symon, gustong iparating na nagkamali siya ng nasabi.

“I-I don’t know, or maybe he didn’t have. Baka tsismis lang iyon, don’t worry about it.” pag-agap niya pero huli na ang lahat dahil nawala na ako sa tamang timpla. Halos hindi na ako nakangiti habang kinukuhanan ng litrato, napansin iyon ni Symon kaya pinag-break niya muna ulit ako.

Humingi ulit siya ng tawad sakin bago ako bumalik sa kinauupuan ni Leviticus.

“Something happened? You’re not smiling..” inalo niya ako pero hindi ko siya pinapansin. Sobrang nabagabag ang utak ko pero hindi naman siguro totoo iyon gaya ng sabi ni Symon.

I learned how to trust him, so I have to trust him. But I can’t help myself thinking too much about it. May tiwala naman ako sa kanya, pero hindi ibig sabihin no’n ay paniniwalaan ko na ang lahat ng sasabihin niya. I wanted to ask him, but on the other end it might be just rumors and not true, pero kung tatanungin ko siya at mali ako ng akala, baka sabihin niyang ako ang walang tiwala sa kanya.

I wanted to walk away now. But if I do that, I would just be doing the same thing over and over again. Walking away is not the solution.

“Hey.. talk to me..” he stole my attention, he held my chin to force me to look at him.

“I-Is it true, t-that you have a… fiancee?” lakas loob kong tanong sa kanya. I trust him to tell the truth, but the way he looks at me now made me feel that it is somehow…. true. It seems like I caught him off guard and he’s not completely expecting me to throw that question out of the blue.

Hindi agad siya nakasagot. His jaw moved, and he sighed deeply. Sa ibaba na siya nakatingin ngayon, hindi ako magawang pantayan ng tingin. If what I heard is wrong, then he could just simply give me an answer right off the bat.

But he didn’t.

And his complete silence became a complete answer to my speculations.

Chapter 44 [Letters]

I lit the scented candles on top of the marble stone while kneeling down on my bestfriend’s grave. Napapaligiran ng nakalatag na pinong damo ang kanyang puntod kung kaya’t ayos lang kung maupo ako sa lupa. Tinitigan ko ang kanyang maliit na larawang naka-imprinta katabi ng kanyang pangalan.

I sighed as I recall our memories together. Simula kolehiyo ay magkasama na kami, from the time that she’s transitioning to a he, then eventually wanted to be a she again, I laughed a little while reminiscing about his love that was buried in the ground with him.

Masaklap man ang mga nangyari, kung nasaan man siya ngayon ay alam kong proud siya sakin at sa narating ko ngayon. Mas masaya siguro kung iisiping nabubuhay pa rin siya pero naniniwala pa rin ako na ‘everything happens for a reason’.

My shoulders shook as I laugh, thinking about how my life got so fucked up before, then it went good, letting me taste the beauty of life, and then ended up a mess again. I don’t know why it has to turn upside down. I don’t know what I did or where did I go wrong. I don’t have any idea at all.

Nauna akong makauwi dahil naiwan pa sa kanyang photoshoot si Leviticus. I wasn’t mad at him, let’s say I’m just really tired of trusting people. I can’t judge him why he wasn’t able to tell me all this time and when we’re together, I still love him however that kind of love is scary if I would put up to that kind of relationship. And how am I going to believe his love if he cannot be honest with me?

Kinuha ko ang mittens at isinuot sa aking kamay upang kuhanin ang bi-nake kong apple pie. Ngayong stressed ako, naisipan kong magbake. I put the tray on top of the table and stared at it. Funny that we started with this fucking shitty pie, now I’m making another of this because I don’t feel secure anymore.

Hinatak ko ang upuan at inokupa iyon, hindi ko na naisipang kumuha ng bowl o mga kubyertos, gamit lamang ang bread knife ay ini-slice ko iyon at kinamay nalang kahit mainit pa. Hinipan ko ang unang piraso at saka isinubo.

Natigilan ako sa pagnguya nang marinig ang nagwawalang ringtone ko. Actually, kanina pa ’yun tunog nang tunog pero wala akong ganang sagutin iyon sa ngayon. I’m pretty sure who’s calling me.

After the complete silence I heard him whispered something.

“Yeah..” iyon ang sagot niya sa tanong ko sa kanya bago pa man ako muling tawagin ni Symon.

I felt like everything fell down on me. It is true then, that he has a fiancee while he is my boyfriend.

“Yes, I had Riley. But that was cancelled long ago.” inalala ko pa ang sunod niyang sinabi. It took me a lot of strength to stomach his words but I can’t even digest it.

Had. Ibig sabihin, tapos na. Dapat akong makaramdam ng ginhawa pero nakapagtatakang hindi nabawasan kahit kaunti ang bagabag na bumabalot sakin.

“When?” matapang kong tanong sa kanya. He closed his eyes for a brief moment like I’m making it hard for him to even remember what no longer relevant to him.

“A year after your disappearance..” hirap na hirap niyang wika, nakailang lunok siya at sinubukan pang hawakan ang mga kamay ko pero iniwas ko ’yun.

Well, can I blame him? Ako naman ang nang-iwan sa kanya ’di ba? So do I need to blame myself then? Alam kong kasalanan ko na iniwan ko siya pero hindi ko na kasalanan kung naging sapat na ang mga rason noon para lumisan. They completely shut me off before I can even explain myself.

And just a year after I left him, he had found someone.

“Who?” isa pang matapang kong tanong. May ideya na ako kung sino pero ayaw ko siyang pangunahan.

Huminga siya nang malalim at saka tumitig sa akin nang mataimtim. Siguro’y tinitimbang ang emosyon ko kung magagalit ba ako kapag nalaman ko.

Mabilis kong naubos ang apple pie sa tray, maging ang mga natirang crumbs ay sinimot ko.

He wasn’t able to tell me who was his fiancee because Symon already asked me to come back for the last shot. Levi’s lips parted when I stood up and went back to Symon.

The reason why he was always asking me to get married to him before made sense now. He’s rushing to get married, so maybe he had found someone who’s willing to make his dreams come true when I was gone.

I placed the tray on the sink and started to wash it. Nagsuot ako ng gloves at isinali na rin ang ilang maruruming kasangkapan.

I was in the middle of doing that when I heard the door opened, I suddenly regretted that I gave him a key to my unit. Narinig ko ang kalansing ng susi at mabibigat na yapak ng sapatos. Hindi ko na kailangang isipin kung sino ’yun dahil sa atmospera pa lamang ay nalaman ko na.

“Riley..” I heard his whisper, lumapit ang mga yapak patungo sa kinaroroonan ko. Tumigil ito nang mapansin ko ang anino niyang sumakop sa akin.

“Can we talk? Please?” malambing at nagsusumamo ang boses niya, halos mapaluhod ako nang manghina ang mga tuhod ko. Pero nagpakatatag ako dahil hindi ito ang tamang oras para maging marupok.

“Talk? What kind?” tipid kong tugon ko sa kanya, nililimita ang sarili sa maaaring sabihin. Gumalaw ang panga niya at parang hindi nagustuhan iyong sinabi ko.

Binabanlawan ko na ang tray nang mapansin kong naroon na rin ang tingin niya. Now that we’re closer, his stance and height made me feel so small. It looked like he’s a galaxy and I was just a tiny planet in it. Ganoon ako nanliit ngayong mas lumalapit siya, maging paghinga niya’y naririnig ko na.

“I’m sorry if you think that I didn’t mention it.” panimula niya ng paliwanag. Yes, he should be sorry. Pero may magbabago ba sa mararamdaman ko kahit mag-sorry siya ngayon? That thought clouded my mind.

“Why do you need to be sorry?” prangka kong tanong sa kanya, unti-unti kong iniipon ang lakas ng loob ko dahil isang tingin lang sa kanya ay bibigay na naman ako.

“Because it made you upset. I’m sorry. You didn’t have to know about that.” that made me stop from whatever worthless I’m doing right now because it didn’t sound right to me.

“I didn’t have to know about it? So you’re telling me that I have no right to know that my boyfriend has a freaking fiancee?” hindi ko napigilang magtaas ng boses.

“Had, Riley. Had a fiancee. I didn’t tell you about it because it wasn’t relevant to me. At hindi rin naman nagtagal ’yon.” aniya, tinatama ang mga salita ko. His line of sight went down on my lips and then back up at my eyes, he bit his lower lip eventually.

“It doesn’t matter how long it lasted, Leviticus. Still, you had a fiancee that I didn’t know. And I haven’t heard of that before, too. Ano ’yun, pasikreto lang?” unti-unti nang lumalabas sa bibig ko ang mga katanungang bumabagabag sa akin kanina pa.

Pagkatapos ng aking photoshoot ay pinasunod na iyong kanya kaya hindi na ulit kami nagkaroon ng oras na pag-usapan iyon kanina. Umalis agad ako roon at bumisita sa puntod ng aking kaibigan dahil kinailangan ko ng kausap ng mga oras na ’yon.

“It was arranged for business, Riley. It only lasted a month. Your father took almost every shareholder that we had and our business is already on the brink of failure. So to save it, the Ynareses lend us a hand but as an agreement, I have to m-marry..” he stopped and sighed bigtime. Naiwang nakaawang ang labi niya at hindi na nadugtungan pa ang balak niyang sabihin.

Ynares?

“Si Selena ang fiancee mo?” direkta kong tanong dahil sa katahimikang namagitan sa amin.

“Yes, at sa loob ng buwan na ’yon tinulungan niya akong isalba ang kompanya.”

Nakaramdam ako ng pait sa nalaman. I can’t fully put all the blame on him since I was the one who left him, and to also think that my father made it even more difficult for him. He was cornered.

“Then why did you… cancel the engagement?” tapos na ako sa ginagawa at hinubad ang mga gloves sa aking kamay, ibinigay ko na sa kanya ang buong atensyon.

“I opted out, because I was still hoping that I will find you. So their family decided to keep it a secret, though there were still some leakage but they did everything to turn those news down.”

Bakit nila isinikreto kung ganoon? Were they ashamed that Leviticus Torralba turned down their daughter? Was that a big of a deal?

“And I opted out because eventually we got help from the Montenegros and the Del Grandes, that’s when I knew that I don’t need to be tied to someone just to save my ass.”

Bakit walang nakarating sakin kahit isang balita tungkol dito? Ang tanging alam ko lang noon ay nakaahon sila sa pagkalugi, ayon na rin kay Dad. But I didn’t know anything about the engagement thingy.

“Two years after your disappearance, Ynareses are still pursuing me to marry their daughter, they only stopped when I underwent a transplant to restore my vision, and they let me focus on my treatment.” dagdag niyang mas nakapagpalinaw sa mga nangyari.

So in order to save their business, Selena’s family offered an agreement to help with their losses but in return, he has to marry their daughter. Nagkaroon ng lakas ng loob na tumanggi si Leviticus nang tulungan siya ng mga Montenegros at Del Grandes?

“Are they still pursuing you until… now?” kinakabahan kong tanong. Kung ganoon, hindi niya sinasadyang ma-engaged noon. Biktima lang siya at nagipit dahil sa mga sitwasyong idinulot ko at ng aking ama.

Isang ulit pa siyang huminga nang malalim bago ako sinagot. “Y-Yes..”

I leaned on the sink and massaged my temples. This is just stressful. But at least, naliwanagan ako kahit paano.

“I-It wasn’t my intention to agree to the engagement, Riley. I can’t blame you that you left me. But the situation after that made me agree to it.” he stepped closer and his arm snaked on my back and halfway hugged me.

“I’m sorry..” iyon nalang ang nasabi ko sa kanya.

Gustuhin ko mang magalit sa kanya dahil pumayag siya sa agreement na ’yun, pero katulad ko ay pareho kaming nagipit sa mga sitwasyon at sa mga pagkakataong ipinagkait sa amin.

“No, you don’t have to. I’m the one who should be sorry..” bulong niya sa gilid ng aking mukha. Bumaba ang kanyang mga kamay sa aking baywang at iniharap ako sa kanya. I faced him earnestly.

“Symon also wanted to say sorry to you..” aniya, kinausap din siya ni Symon? Tumango ako at naintindihan naman na hindi niya intensyon na guluhin ang pag-iisip ko.

But since the Ynareses kept it a secret…

“How did Symon know about it? I thought..”

“He said he has a friend that works in the media.” pag-agap naman ni Levi bago pa ako mag-overthink. Sabagay, may punto kung ganoon nga ang sitwasyon. At Torralba ang asawa niya, maaaring nakarating sa kanya ang balitang iyon dahil sa mga koneksyon niya.

“Are we… okay now? Galit ka pa rin ba sakin?”

Nabagabag man sa lahat ng rebelasyon ay hindi ko pa rin maipagkakaila ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya. Somehow, everything makes sense now. That’s also the probable reason why the Ynareses didn’t allow me to get in his house before, because they have a plan to arrange a marriage. Pero alam ba nilang may relasyon kami ni Leviticus kung ganoon?

Tumingkayad ako upang maabot ko ang kanyang mga labi. I granted him a passionate kiss. But as the kiss lasts longer, his grip on my butt tightens.

Nagkaayos din naman kami pagkatapos no’n. Kahit na tumatakbo pa rin sa isipan ko ang mga rebelasyong nalaman, nanatili akong nagtitiwala kay Leviticus. Maybe if I trusted him enough three years ago, we wouldn’t be in this situation right now.

The next days passed by. Gracianos are preparing for a party to be hosted by my father, Richard Graciano. Biglaan ito at ngayon ko lang nalaman dahil ngayon nalang ulit kami nagkausap ni Dad.

“This is gonna be held tonight, my son. Hindi maaaring hindi ka pumunta.” bumisita na siya ngayon sa aking opisina dahil hindi ako pumayag kanina nang sa telepono lang kami nagkausap.

I can’t come because the meeting with the Del Grandes will also happen tonight. Unless I could split myself into half so that I could attend to both parties. At isa pa, nakapaghanda na ako sa ipi-present ko sa mga Del Grandes upang makumbinsi sila sa pakikipag-partner sa amin.

“What time will it start?” tanong ko, sakaling maisingit ko iyon dahil baka hindi rin naman ako magtagal sa party ng mga Del Grandes, uuwi na ako kapag nakumbinsi ko na sila.

“Nine in the evening, my son. Bakit ba hindi ka makakapunta?” pangungulit pa niya. Ang nakapagtataka ay kumikinang ang mga mata niya, I feel like he’s up to another trick again.

“May party din akong dadaluhan, Dad. Maaga namang magsisimula iyon kaya baka humabol nalang ako sa pa-party mo. What kind of party is that anyway?” I set aside the pile of folders on my desk after carefully devising some files in it.

“This is only exclusive for the Gracianos and the Verdejos, anak.” awtomatiko akong napairap sa ere nang marinig ang pangalang lagi niyang bukambibig sa akin.

He pushes me to consider having business with them, but since I’m still courting the Del Grandes maybe I would consider the Verdejos as the second option.

“Whatever, Dad. Susubukan ko nalang humabol.”

Daddy sighed but still he’s optimistic that I would come.

Later in the afternoon, I stopped from working to prepare for the Del Grande’s party. It’s gonna be held in one of their properties, I think? Since nakapangalan sa kanila ang address na ipinadala sa akin.

Wearing a Valentino slim-cut suit, black button down, black trousers, a pair of black Kenneth Cole leather shoes, and a fine Bell & Ross watch, I walked inside the venue towards the Del Grandes’ household. Their mansion is huge and overwhelmingly spacious. Mas magara pa ito sa bahay ni Leviticus at sa Gracianos household. Everywhere I looked at is screaming luxuriance.

May mga househelps sila na naka-uniporme pa at dinadaluhan ang bawat bisita. May saglit na house tour silang ginagawa bago ihatid sa main venue. One househelp toured me around the house. There was a library, art studio, gym, temperature-controlled wine cellar, and a billiards room. Nang nasa ikatlong palapag kami ay napansin ko ang malaking glass na kumikinang.

“Good god…” iyon nalang ang namutawi sa bibig ko habang pinagmamasdan ang nakikita. They have their own state-of-the-art glass car elevator, showing off their luxurious supercars collection. Holy cow! Ang alam ko sa US lang meron nito? Meron din sila? Just how rich are these Del Grandes then?

The property extends to an outdoor space, this is where the manicured garden is located. Doon gaganapin ang event kaya roon ako huling hinatid ng katulong.

Outside, a stunning infinity pool welcomed me with a film screen that rises up from the edge of the pool. Mas enggrande pa ang gayak dito kumpara sa dinaluhan kong business expo no’ng nakaraan. Marami ding bisita ngunit wala akong nakilala kahit isa.

It’s eight in the evening and the party’s about to start. I was sitting in one of the tables, hovering my eyes around the people chatting and social climbing. Later on, I was joined by the Del Grandes on my table. Sawyer and Weston Del Grande both wore black tuxedos, looking so handsome in their attire.

“Are you enjoying the party?” pangungumusta sakin ni Sawyer nang hatakin niya ang upuan sa aking tabi. Weston occupied the other seat.

“Yeah, it’s fine. I didn’t expect your property to be this… grand and luxurious..” bigkas ko habang inaalala ang pagkamangha kanina sa mga nakita.

There are tables set in every corner, may mga matatayog ding stool na maaaring kuhaan ng mga inumin. Though there were waiters roaming around with trays on their hands to offer more beverages.

“This is our main property, we also have one in Quezon City and another in Cavite, but here is where we usually live.” tugon ni Sawyer.

We chatted a bit more when a host started the party. He gave a speech, and talked about Del Grandes’ business successes within the past years. Habang tumatagal ay dumarami ang mga bisita. At ang iba ay nagiging pamilyar na.

Siam Montenegro sophisticatedly walked the venue, he was interrupted by people who tried to catch his attention. He was followed by Giovannus and Leonardo Montenegro who’s also looking both stunning in their tuxedos. Marami ang nakapansin sa pagdating nila kaya nagkaroon ng saglit na bulung-bulungan.

“Didn’t know they were invited..” bulong ko, I heard Weston laughed a little when he heard me.

“Of course, they should. Besides, they are part of the merger..” wika ni Weston kaya nakuha niya ang atensyon ko.

“I’m sorry, merger?” pagtataka ko. Is he talking about the merger between Torralbas and Montenegros?

Hindi na ako nagawang sagutin ni Weston dahil mas lumakas ang ingay nang dumating naman si Legend Amedeus Torralba, following him is… Leviticus? What the hell? He’s here?! Bakit hindi ko alam na dadalo rin pala siya rito?

“I’m going to attend a party tomorrow, do you have any plans too?” nakapikit na ako nang sabihin iyon ni Levi kagabi, we’re in the bed and preparing to sleep.

“Hmmm…” I answered as I doze off into a deep sleep.

“Hey, sugar lips..” he tried to tap my shoulder but I remained still.

So he told me all along? Ako lang ’tong hindi makaalala dahil tinulugan ko siya kagabi?

Huling dumating ang mga… Ynareses. Selena Ynares walked with grace in her white sparkling dress, behind her is I think her family. So they were also invited?

Habang nagdi-daydream ako sa aking kinauupuan ay hindi ko namalayan ang pagtawag ng host sa mga Del Grandes. Sawyer stood up while Weston remained from his seat.

“And also the Montenegros and Torralbas, please…” anunsyo pa ng host sa harapan.

Following Sawyer Del Grande, are Legend and Leviticus Torralba, and Siam Montenegro. They stood up in the front, as the crowd gets wilder. Leviticus is looking around but he didn’t see me, medyo malayo kasi ang table namin sa harapan, but still kitang-kita ko kung gaano siya ka-gwapo ngayon. He stood out among the rest, with his navy blue coat and white inside shirt.

His hair is slicked back, with some strand dramatically falling off his forehead. He absolutely looked like a mexican or sexy puerto rican model na madalas kong nakikita ko sa mga pabalat ng magazine.

“Thanks everyone for coming, but to formally begin this event, we will start with the disclosure of the brand new name for the enterprise..” bigkas ng host na may hawak pang wine glass.

Nang sabihin iyon ng host ay naglingunan ang lahat sa malaking film screen sa dulo ng infinity pool.

“So here’s the presentation, everyone!” the host gave a signal to the crew beside him then a music started to play and a video presentation was displayed on the screen.

It was a two-minute clip but the main point of the video is the brand new business enterprise owned by three of the most powerful names in the industry of construction. Sa huling parte ng clip ay lumabas ang limang letra na sunud sunod na nagdikit bilang animation.

M N D L B

Everyone clapped as the clip ended but my eyes remained on the screen, reading those familiar letter combinations.

MNDLB? Is that what the… fortune teller wrote on a piece of paper before?

Nawala ako sa tamang wisyo nang maalala ang papel na pinagsulatan ng manghuhula, it was on Kimpoy’s notes na nasa akin pa rin hanggang ngayon. The last time I saw it was the time when my bestfriend got killed. Those letters lingered on my mind, totally confused as to what it truly means.

“W-What is that?” tanong ko sa naiwang si Weston habang itinuturo ko pa ang screen, naiwan doong naka-display ang mga letra.

“You mean Mondealba? That’s the new name for the enterprise, a three-way merger from the three contributors of the business.” pahayag niya.

Natulala ako sa screen habang iniintindi ang nalaman. MNDLB stands for Mondealba? Three-way merger?

It took me almost two whole minutes to figure everything out. Parang pinagbagsakan ako ng langit at lupa nang maintindihan ang ibig sabihin no’n. Obviously, those letters stand for the name Mondealba but since it’s a three-way merge, like what Weston said, its name was derived from the three names Montenegro, Del Grande, and Torralba.

But since the fortune teller was so eager to warn me about these letters, what does it have to do with my life? How is it going to affect me? What should I know about this… brand new business?

Chapter 45 [Unconscious]

Everything is really making more sense. Since the day that Legend told me about the Del Grande’s new hierarchy and how Torralbas own half of their stocks and other assets, they can easily manipulate them to agree to this three-way fucking merger!

Nawalan ng saysay ang ipinunta ko rito kung gano’n? I badly wanted to have business with the Del Grandes because I can’t just use them, I can also expand Graciano’s business globally.

Mapait akong nakatingin sa limang letrang naka-display pa rin sa film screen. Everyone clapped and seemed to be more than happy about their new enterprise. Del Grandes, Montenegros, and Torralbas went back to the tables but to greet everyone who came.

Naging hudyat din iyon upang i-serve ang mga pagkain. A wave of waiters roamed around every table and served dishes and beverages. Weston was looking at me when I felt out-of-place in a sudden.

“You hungry?” sinserong tanong nito.

I gave him a relieving smile to tell him that I was fine. Weston looks younger than Sawyer, they are both engineers but Sawyer has been in the field longer than him.

Nang makarating sa table namin ang mga waiters ay nagserve sila ng grilled beef steak sa ilang mga plato. The waiter smiled gladly at me while he’s pouring some bold red wine on my glass.

“Thank you..” pasalamat ko sa nag-serve bago ito umalis.

Naamoy ko ang halimuyak ng steak ngunit ’di man lang ako nakaramdam ng gutom. I was about to try the steak when I saw the Ynares family nearing our table, they are chatting with the people on the other tables.

Remembering Selena’s family is still pursuing my boyfriend to marry her bothered me. Naging dahilan iyon para matabig ko ang wine glass sa gilid ng aking plato. Mabilis ang reflex ko nang oras na ’yon kaya nasalo ko ang baso ngunit tumapon na ang laman nitong alak sa lupa.

“Oh! What happened? Are you okay?” Weston asked who seemed to witness my sudden awkward movement.

“Natabig ko.” I bit my lip. Sa aking peripheral vision ay naroon pa rin ang Ynareses sa kabilang table.

Weston glanced on the ground where the wine was accidentally poured.

“Take my drink, instead.” inalok ni Weston ang kanyang wine glass, hindi pa man ako nakakasang-ayon ay itinulak niya ang baso patungo sa akin. Then he raised his hand to call some attendant.

That was the time Sawyer went back on our table and joined us. Mas naging komportable ako ngayong maraming taong nakapalibot sa akin, dahil sa oras na mas lumalapit ang mga Ynares sa table namin ay ’di na ako mapakali. Anumang oras ay makikita nila ako.

A Graciano, a rival hiding in their party. Well, it’s not technically their party since it’s Del Grande’s and the two other famous names.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit kinakabahan ako, I took the glass of wine Weston offered me and sipped on it.

“And here are the lovely Del Grandes, it’s wonderful to meet you. Anyway, I’m Athena Ynares.” nakarating ang Ynareses sa aming table. Mabuting nasa likuran ko sila kaya hindi nila ako nakikita.

Anyway, they probably don’t know what I look like. But Selena would probably identify me as the old Riley who used to take care of Leviticus Torralba.

Tinanggap ng magpinsang Del Grandes ang kamay ng nagpakilalang Athena Ynares, maybe Selena’s mother.

“And this is my husband Reginald, and my beautiful daughter Selena..” the woman’s introduction. I closed my eyes as I heard Selena’s name. Hindi ko sigurado kung napapansin niya ba ako ngayon o hindi.

“Congratulations on your business.” the father said to the two Del Grandes. Nagpasalamat naman ang dalawa sa pamilya ni Selena. They seemed graceful and kind, I don’t know why I was the only one who seemed not comfortable with their presence.

“It’s good to have you with their business. I mean, a three-way merger is unexpected but surely you can outrank those other… construction firms..” and that was Selena’s voice. What does she mean by outrank other firms?

“Oh of course, dear. Surely they can.” gatong ng kanyang ina. I rolled my eyes without hesitation since they cannot see me.

“Our vision is to expand the business, not take part in a competition.” magalang na sagot ng katabi kong si Sawyer. Clearly! Tama ako ng pagpili rito sa mga Del Grandes, they have a good heart and they are applying it well in their businesses.

“Torralbas and Montenegros are both well known in the business competition. I believe it would be a good combination with your vision.” magaan ang tono ng ama ni Selena nang sabihin iyon.

“But still, this merger is huge. For sure your overall revenue already outranks other companies, like the Graciano Constructions.” napahinto ako nang mabanggit iyon ni Selena.

Nananahimik ang Gracianos, anong ibig niyang sabihin? Parehong napatingin sa akin ang magpinsang Del Grandes, waring humihingi ng paumanhin sa mga naririnig pero umiling nalang ako upang hindi na magkaroon ng gulo.

In the first place, I shouldn’t be here. I was only invited by the Del Grandes since I was insisting for a meeting with them. Hindi ko naman inaasahang makakasalamuha ko ang ibang personalidad gaya nalang nito.

“Gracianos are always on top, but I know they will succumb one day..” Athena Ynares confidently said that.

I got so offended by hearing their insults. Balak ko nang tumayo sa aking kinauupuan upang harapin ang mga ito ngunit ang boses ni Selena na tumawag kay Leviticus ang nakapagpatigil sa akin.

“Levi!”

“Oh, dear you look so handsome.” doon na napunta kay Leviticus ang kanilang atensyon. I sighed down as I almost gave up my patience just seconds ago.

“Iho, congratulations! And to the Mondealba team.” Reginald Ynares tapped Levi’s shoulder, I was able to watch them now that their full attention was poured towards my boyfriend.

My boyfriend. I wanted to shove all of their faces and pull him but it would look so scandalous. And in trying times like this, now that I bear the top-notch name in the business industry, I shouldn’t just do whatever I want to do. I should be more careful.

My lips parted when Leviticus’ eyes caught mine. Napaawang din ang kanyang labi nang masilayan ako. Hindi nga lang siya nakalapit kaagad dahil sa Ynareses na nakaharang sa pagitan namin.

“Thank you, Sir.” tugon niya sa ama ni Selena.

“By the way, we need to go somewhere else and greet everyone. But Selena, my daughter looks tired already. Would it be fine if you accompany my daughter, iho?” Athena put her hand on my boyfriend’s arm to convince him.

“Mom?!”

“Iha, you’re tired na. It’s better for you to rest. Leviticus will drive you home.”

I gritted my teeth as I hear them insisting Leviticus, kulang nalang na sabihin ko ay nililigawan nila ang boyfriend ko para sa kanilang anak. As far as I could remember, Alyanna which is Levi’s previous wife, Selena’s older sister, was also arranged to him. Do they know anything aside from arranging marriages?

Hindi ko na nakain ang pagkain ko at tanging wine lamang ang nailaman ko sa aking tiyan. My thoughts came to a halt when I heard my phone ringing so loud. Naagaw pa nito ang atensyon ng iba kaya dali-dali ko itong dinukot sa bulsa ng aking coat at nag-excuse sa magpinsan upang sagutin ang tawag.

As I stood up from my seat, I caught Levi’s eyes looking at me. Lumabas ako sa venue, there is another entrance on the other end of the garden and there I egressed.

“Dad?” bungad ko nang tuluyang makalabas at makahanap ng tahimik na lugar.

“My son, where are you? The party’s already starting!” Dad’s worried voice filled my ears.

“I told you, may party din akong dinaluhan.”

Now that I lost interest staying in this party, I’m thinking of going to Dad’s party instead. Tutal ay wala na rin naman akong pakay pa sa mga Del Grandes dahil tuluyan na itong naagaw ng mga Torralbas at Montenegros.

“I need you here, my son. This party won’t end without you. Please, come.”

I sighed. Tumingala ako at huminga ng malalim. Anyway, this party is suffocating because of the Ynareses, and I think I need to breathe fresh air. Besides, I’m not required to stay here since I wasn’t supposed to be there in the very beginning.

“Alright, I’ll come..”

I’ll just send a message to the Del Grandes that there is an emergency, nakakahiya naman kung bigla nalang akong umalis nang hindi nila nalalaman. Nagpasya akong bumalik sa parking ngunit narinig ko ang boses na tumawag sakin.

“Riley!”

A voice so familiar that my blood started to boil.

“Hanggang dito, talagang may plano kang manggulo ano?” Liz in her long black dress walked towards me. I didn’t know she was here!

It’s been three years since our last encounter.

“Manggulo? Sinong nagulo ko?” pilosopo kong tugon sa kanya. Hinarap ko siya. Itim ang kulay ng kanyang lipstick upang bumagay sa kulay ng kanyang kasuotan, pero napagtanto kong mas bumagay iyon sa kulay ng budhi niya. Maitim.

“Come on?! Until now you’re spying on them! This is exclusive for the Torralbas, Montenegros, and Del Grandes. How the hell did you even get in here?” napasinghap ako at halos matawa sa narinig. Hanggang ngayon ’di pa rin pala siya naka-get over sa kaisipang espiya ako.

“Yes, this is exclusive for them, Liz. But I’m in the field of business, too. You’re speaking to Richard Bailey Graciano of the top construction firm in the country, Graciano Constructions. So I think I have a right to come to parties like this, I guess? E ikaw? You’re not even in a high position to show up here. Sino satin ang hindi dapat naririto?” nakaipon ako ng lakas ng loob na pagtuunan siya ng panahon.

I remembered how she ruined me and my relationship with Leviticus three years ago. Kaya ngayon, oras lang para labanan ko na siya.

“Ang kapal ng mukha mo! Pagkatapos ng ginawa mo noon, ngayon babalik ka pa rito?! And Leviticus fired me because he thinks I hurt your worthless feelings!” saglit akong natigilan sa sinabi niya.

Levi fired her?

“I’ll take care of her. What else?” biglang sumagi sa isip ko ang mga salita noon ni Leviticus no’ng nasa loob kami ng kanyang sasakyan at naikwento ko sa kanya ang mga masasakit na salita sa akin ni Liz.

So he took care of her after all? And if she’s fired, why the hell is she still here?

“Oh shit, that is the most wondeful news I’ve ever heard in my life!” I uttered with so much sarcasm, feeling so grateful that my boyfriend fired her.

“W-What the fuck did you say?!” nanggagalaiting tanong niya.

“He fired you because you’re incompetent. Or maybe he fired you because you’re a nit-picker? Or maybe, you’re just a bitch that’s why? Or most probably, all of the above?” ako naman ang nagbato ng mga insulto sa kanya. Her eyebrows are furrowed and her eyes are burning in fire now.

“Shut up, faggot!”

“And you’re a delusional bitch!” natatawa kong bwelta laban sa kanya.

“You don’t say that, you faggot!” She attacked and punched me, slapped me, and even pulled my hair. Hindi ako lumaban dahil alam kong lalaki pa rin ako at ’di hamak na mas malakas ako sa kanya.

“Stop! Fuck!” all I did was to push her off from me.

“Napaka-walang hiya mo! Wala kang karapatang pagbintangan ako!” we’re already making a scene, I pushed her hard so that I can save myself from her attacks.

Nang maitulak ko siya ng buong lakas ay tumilapon siya at sumadsad sa lupa. Gulong-gulo ang buhok niya na halos dumikit na sa kanyang mukha ang mga hibla nito. Saktong paglabas iyon ni Leviticus at naabutan niya kami sa ganoong tagpo. Sumunod ang mga Montenegros at Del Grandes and they all looked surprised to see me panting and Liz crying on the ground.

I got so frustrated when Liz played as the fucking victim. Dinaluhan ng mga Montenegros si Liz at tinulungang makatayo ito. While Leviticus is shocked and looking at me with confusion in his face.

“What happened? Riley?” Leviticus faced me, accusing me of something.

I walked away from them. Now this is really the time to walk away from this fucked up world! Nagpupuyos ako sa galit nang hatakin ni Levi ang kamay ko pero nagpumiglas ako.

“Riley! Fuck! Come back here!”

Binilisan ko ang paglakad at nang makarating sa aking sasakyan ay binuksan ko kaagad iyon.

Leviticus chased me and he even knocked on my window. I saw his tired and worried face.

“Riley! Open this! Goddamn it!”

Hindi ako galit sa kanya pero sa mga oras na ito ay gusto ko lang talagang mapag-isa. I need an alone time. Kailangan kong kumalma. Binuhay ko ang makina at pinaharurot agad ito, leaving Leviticus in that goddamn party.

That fucking bitch! Inis na inis ako sa biglang pagpapaawa niya kanina. At dahil pa sa iyak niya ay nagmukha akong ako ang masama. And all of them, even Leviticus, looked at me like I have to explain myself. I don’t need to explain because I don’t fucking care about what they think of me!

I’m just really tired of dealing with bullshit people.

Mabilis akong nakarating sa Graciano household kung saan ginanap ang kanilang party. An attendant welcomed me but when she saw my face, she immediately left me alone.

Ginanap ang party sa garden area. Maraming tao roon ngunit kung ikukumpara sa naunang party na dinaluhan ko, mas kakaunti ang narito.

“My son!” kumislap ang mga mata ni Dad nang masilayan ako sa dagat ng mga tao.

Kalmado na ako pero naroon pa rin ang iritasyon ko sa nangyari kanina. Nang may dumaang waiter ay agad kong hinablot ang isang baso ng alak at tinungga iyon.

“Finally, you came. Come with me!” hinatak ako ni Dad patungo sa isang table kung nasaan ang kanyang pamilya.

Valentina Graciano is looking so classy in her golden dress, beside her are her children Rocco and Ramona. Kaswal akong bumati sa kanila, tanging tipid na mga ngiti ang natanggap ko. Rocco nodded at me, then he stood up from his seat and went somewhere. Naiwan sa table ang dalawang babae.

“The Verdejos are here, and Dom.” may kakaibang tono nang banggitin ni Dad ang pangalang iyon. I haven’t seen Dominicus since the day he drove me home.

Lumipat kami sa table at doon ay nakilala ko ang pamilya ni Dominicus. Nakipagkamay at nagkamustahan lang. But the way they looked at me felt like I’m so welcomed. Ibang-iba sa naramdaman ko kanina sa naunang party.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, iho.” hinaplos ng ina ni Dominicus ang aking kamay. Nagulat ako sa ginawa niya dahil hindi ako madalas makatanggap ng ganoong kabutihan.

“N-Nice to meet you din po.” I smiled at them, at least I got distracted by their kindness and the warmth of their smiles are so relieving, close to forgetting what just happened a while ago.

“By the way, I’m Addison Verdejo, and this is my husband Augustus Verdejo, and our unico iho Dominicus, who I believe you’ve already met?” pagpapakilala ng ginang sa kanyang asawa at anak.

Dominicus Verdejo is looking gorgeous in his grey suit and clean-cut hair. He has some soft features unlike Leviticus who now looked so rugged. Napagtanto kong may pinagmanahan naman pala siya, dahil magalang at mababait din ang kanyang mga magulang.

“Yes, we have met before. We’re also batchmates that’s why we kind of vibe with each other.” tugon ko. Mas lalong lumawak ang ngiti ng mag-asawa at siniko pa ng ina ang kanyang anak bilang pahiwatig sa hindi ko malamang dahilan.

“See? They know each other, and comfortable too. I don’t see any reason why they shouldn’t be together.” sulsol ni Dad kaya sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. Ano ’to, harap-harapan ang pambubugaw niya? Nakakahiya naman sa mga magulang nitong si Dominicus.

Dominicus shifted on his seat, I saw the awkward smile on his face. Nagtama ang tingin namin. I know he doesn’t like what Dad is doing. I remember how much he likes independence and being linked to me would make it hard for him to enjoy his freedom.

“I agree. I think they look good together.” hindi ko makapaniwalang sulsol naman ng ama ni Dominicus. Damn, what the hell? Ano, nabayaran ba ’to ni Dad?

On the other side, it would also be beneficial to them since Gracianos are on the top of the business chain. Hindi sa ji-na-judge ko sila pero kung sinoman siguro ang magkaroon ng pagkakataon na makasal ang anak sa mayaman at tanyag na pangalan sa industriya ng negosyo, ay hindi ito tatanggihan.

“Dad?!” senyas ni Dominicus sa kanyang ama upang patigilin ito.

“Anyway! I hope you’re enjoying the party, balae.”

Halos maisuka ko ang lahat ng alak na nainom ko nang marinig iyon kay Dad. Ibang level na ang pambubugaw na ginagawa niya. Ako na lamang ang nahihiya para kay Dom.

Bumalik kami ni Dad sa table ng kanyang pamilya. Bubulong-bulong pa ako upang sitahin siya sa mga kalokohang pinaggagawa niya ngayong gabi. Kaya ba niya ako pinilit na dumalo rito ay para maisagawa niya ang oplan bugaw niya?

“What? I’m just being good to them and to his family. That man is the one you should be marrying, my son.”

I shook my head as I occupied the seat beside his daughter, Ramona. She smiled cutely at me. Valentina Graciano is talking on the phone, while Rocco is missing.

“You two look good together.” narinig kong bulong ni Ramona. I was surprised at first because she normally doesn’t approach me. Mas palagay ako sa kuya niya kaysa sa kanya noon pero ngayong kinakausap niya ako ay na-appreciate ko naman.

“I’m sorry?” naguluhan lang ako dahil dalawang tao ang binanggit niya. Who is she pertaining to?

“I mean, you and your soon to be fiance. You both look good together.” aniya.

Wait, what?! Soon to be fiance? Matagal akong napatunganga sa kanya habang dina-digest ang mga salitang ’yun.

“Where did you get this information?” kuryosong tanong ko.

“From Dad. And also, I bought some present. I hope you’ll like it.” saka niya inilabas ang isang maliit na kahon. She’s giving me a present for what? Gulantang pa rin ako pero dahil nakakahiya naman sa pagmamagandang loob nitong si Ram ay tinanggap ko ang ibinigay niya.

It’s a small cake. Cupcakes, actually.

“Try it. Kuya helped me baked it.” nakangiti na siya ngayon. I don’t know why her smile felt so weird to me, maybe I wasn’t just really used to her being this approachable.

Binuksan ko ang kahon at sinubukang tikman ang isa. Tsokolate ang flavor nito at masarap naman ang lasa. Matamis din dahil sa icing nito sa tuktok.

“Ang sarap nito, Ram. Magaling ka palang mag-bake. Salamat.” she even smiled wider after complimenting her cupcakes.

“No worries. I just really thought that I could do something good since Dad seems so fond of you. And I’m happy that you’re gonna get married soon.”

Matagal nag-buffer sa aking utak ang mga salitang namutawi sa bibig niya. I’m gonna get married soon? What the hell is she talking about? Kanina soon to be fiance, ngayon marriage na? What is happening?

Naputol ang usapan namin nang malamang tinatawag na pala ako ni Dad sa harapan. I stood up immediately, pero huli na nang mapagtanto kong may hawak siyang mikropono at tinawag niya ang pangalan ko gamit ’yon.

Lumakad ako patungo sa harapan, nahihiya sa dami ng tao ngayon.

“And his fiance, Dominicus Verdejo!” anunsyo ni Dad na hindi ko agad nasundan. Did he just announce to everyone that Dominicus is my… fiance?! Good god!

WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON?!

“Dad? What the he—”

“Come, son! Here you go! The two newly engaged couple!”

Everyone at the party clapped hearing Dad’s unexpected news. Maging ang emosyon sa mukha ni Dominicus na papalapit ay gulat at pagkalito ang nabasa ko roon, walang kaide-ideya sa mga nangyayari.

I was in the middle of my whirling thoughts, in complete shock and bafflement, when I think I saw Leviticus from the crowd. His eyes are bloodshot and when he learned eventually that I was looking at him, he stepped away.

“E-Excuse me..” agad akong lumakad paalis doon at sinundan si Leviticus.

Lumakas ang kabog ng dibdib ko. Hindi ko alam kung nag-iilusyon ba ako o talagang narito siya. But if he’s really here, Dad might see him! Tinakbo ko ang daan palabas, pero unti-unti kong naramdaman ang mabilis na pagkapagod.

Nanglalabo rin ang mga mata ko pero tuloy ang takbo ko hanggang sa maabutan ko si Leviticus sa labas ng kanyang jeep wrangler. He was standing there but he seemed so furious and agitated.

“L-Levi!” pagtawag ko sa kanyang atensyon.

“What the fuck was that, Riley?! You’re fucking engaged?!” he said more than just annoyance, I believe he’s consumed by anger now.

I panted and breathed so hard like I’m losing air. I shook my head desperately to gain consciousness.

“Fuck! Say something!” pabalik-balik na ang lakad niya at hindi mapakali na hindi ako tumitinag.

“L-Levi, hindi ako… m-makahinga..” hinabol ko ang aking hininga. Sobrang labo na rin ng paningin ko at parang nanlalambot ang aking mga kalamnan.

I felt like choking and my whole body’s failing for unknown reason.

“My son, what is happen—” I heard Dad’s voice. Damn! Hindi ko alam na sumunod siya! And he probably stopped from talking when he saw the man I’m with.

“What are you doing here, Torralba? Get away from my son!”

“Riley, hey…” I felt Levi’s arms around me, yumuko siya at hinanap ang aking mukha.

Followed by a nauseous feeling, I fell on the ground.

“What did you do to him?!” Dad’s voice filled with madness.

“Something’s wrong with him! H-He said he can’t breathe! Riley, damn are you okay?! Baby…” Levi held me but Dad stole me from him.

“Son!” Daddy’s troubled voice.

I fought so much for air but my limbs are failing and my heartbeat became frantically rapid. No idea of what’s happening, I lost my sanity and fell down unconscious, everyone’s voices faded out until I totally blacked out.

Chapter 46 [Boyfriend]

“Are you done?” nakabalik ako sa tamang wisyo nang makita ko siyang lumabas ng registrar kung saan ang pasahan ng requirements.

Tumango siya bilang tugon. “Oo. Halika na.”

Sabay kaming naglakad palabas ng main building. Marami pa ring estudyante sa paligid, karamihan ay mga seniors na magpapasa rin ng kanilang requirements, ang iba naman ay nasa lower levels at nagpa-practice ng kanilang cheering o ’di kaya’y sa ibang sports.

“Tanda mo pa ’yung hula sakin noon? That something big will happen? Hindi kaya baka may kinalaman ’yun sa pag-amin ko kay Gael?”

Nakalabas kami sa main building. Kimpoy’s giving me a skeptical look, ’yong tipong parang gusto niyang sang-ayunan ko ang sinabi niya.

“Umamin ka na kasi nang malaman mo. Something big? How big is that?” malisyosong komento ko kaya nakatanggap ako ng hampas sa kanya.

“Loko! Sa laking tao ni Gael, malamang na maliit ang pototoy ’nun!” aniya saka kami sabay na nagtawanan.

“But seriously, you should admit your feelings to him. Aminin mo na hangga’t maaga, baka pagsisihan mo pa sa huli ’pag ’di mo ginawa, sige ka..” babala ko sa kanya kaya napasimangot siya at napaisip ng malalim.

“You think I won’t have any other chance? Kailangan kaagad na talaga, Riles?” pangungulit pa niya habang palabas na kami sa gate ng school.

“Oo. Hindi natin alam pero baka mawalan ka na ng pagkakataon sa susunod. Time flies so fast, do it fast so you won’t have to regret it in the end.” dagdag payo ko pa.

He gave me a sweet smile and then hugged me quick. A hug that tells me this is going to be the last.

“Salamat Riles! O sige na nga, aamin na ako sa ungas na ’yon. Pero bukas na dahil may lakad pa tayo ngayon!” he said in excitement.

I shook my head but suddenly I got blinded by a bright light coming from somewhere. Nang maglaho ang liwanag ay napansin kong nasa ibang lugar na ako. But it’s still somewhere in the school.

I looked around and saw the court below, Gael is practicing his skills for the upcoming basketball game. On the other side of the court is Renan, doing the same for his sepak game. I realized I was in the gymnasium, and I remembered this was some time in the past, during our foundation week.

“Huy, Riles?”

Someone poked my right cheek, nakuha nito ang buong atensyon ko kaya nang lingunin ko ay nakita ko ang matalik kong kaibigan na si Kimpoy, he’s wearing an all-white clothing, and he’s kinda pale.

“Ano? Ba’t gulat ka? Ngayon ka lang ba nakakita ng multo?” aniya saka pabirong tumawa. Hindi ako natuwa sa biro niya pero magkahalong gulat at takot ang nararamdaman ko ngayon.

“This is not real..” I murmured in low voice while still staring at him. I missed him but I’m afraid once I touch him, he would fade in thin air.

Pero imbes na magpadala sa takot ay naglakas loob akong hawakan siya. Hindi tumagos ang kamay ko sa balat niya. This is… true! Good god!

“Shit! Kimpoy!” hinablot ko siya at binalot ng yakap. Hindi ko napigilang mapaluha nang muli kong maramdaman ang kanyang presensya, at ang mahawakan at mayakap siya ay malaking bagay na.

“Riles, ’di ako makahinga! Baka ma-dedo na naman ako, ano double dead lang? Baboy?” binitiwan ko siya at bahagyang natawa sa biro niya. Pinunasan ko ang mga luha ko dahil sa hindi napigilang pagbuhos ng emosyon.

“Sorry, na-miss lang kasi kita..” I smiled behind my tears. He pouted his lips and helped me wipe away my tears.

“Hindi ka dapat nandito, Riles. Hindi mo pa oras. May mga tao pang nagmamahal sa’yo..” panimula niya ng isang seryosong usapan. What is he talking about? Teka, kung nakikita at nahahawakan ko siya, ibig sabihin ba nito’y….

Multo na rin ako?! Good god!

“This is not heaven nor hell. This is the afterlife, Riles. Pero ’di ka bagay dito kasi marupok ka. Hindi ka makasalanan pero marupok lang talaga..” tumatango-tango pa siya animo’y sobrang sang-ayon sa kanyang sinabi.

I wasn’t in the mood for jokes pero hindi ko napigilang hampasin siya. Nasaktan pa siya sa ginawa ko. So even in the afterlife, he could still feel pain huh?

“Anong sinasabi mo?” kinunutan ko siya ng noo at sinimangutan.

“Simula no’ng alam mo na, no’ng wala na ako, lagi akong nakasubaybay sa’yo. At masaya ako sa mga narating mo. Nakita ko kung paano ka naging matatag sa lumipas na tatlong taon, pero ’di ko naman inaasahang sa isang lalaki ka lang pala bibigay.”

“You’ve been stalking me?!” hindi ko makapaniwalang tanong. Hanggang saan ang mga napanood niya? Bakit niya ako sinusundan? It sounded so creepy but still.. he’s my bestfriend and to know that he’s always there beside me warms my heart.

“May pa-values values ka pang nalalaman, pero bubuka rin naman para sa isang lalaki! Leviticus, ’di ba? Yong boyfriend mo?” humalukipkip pa siya at umaktong pinangangaralan ako.

“Yeah, what about him?”

“Hmm… kasalanan mo, kaya mag-sorry ka do’n.” aniya, hindi ko kaagad naintindihan ang punto niya. “Sinaktan mo ’di ba? Nagpa-engaged ka pa doon sa iba, samantalang todo tanggi ka no’ng inaaya kang pakasalan ng tao. Kaya dapat mag-sorry ka.”

I wasn’t convinced at first how much information he knows about my life now, pero sa mga salitang lumalabas sa bibig niya, pakiramdam ko alam niya ang lahat. But how would I say sorry if I’m with him in this afterlife? Saan ba ang exit nito?

“It wasn’t my intention to be engaged. Ni wala nga akong ideya na gagawin ’yon ni Dad. Biglaan ang nangyari. At hindi ko rin inaasahang susunod siya sakin at masasaksihan ’yun.” katwiran ko.

“Kahit na. Nasaktan ’yung tao. At mahal na mahal ka no’n, kaya ’di magtatanim ng sama ng loob sa’yo ’yun.” sabagay may punto naman siya. I know how much my boyfriend loves me, but there are just really some circumstances that will test our love for each other.

“Kahit na mas matanda at mas mature sa’yo ang tao, hindi ka nga niya pinipilit ’di ba kada magjujugjugan kayo?” nag-init ang magkabilang pisngi ko sa sinabi niya. Pero tinaasan ko siya ng kilay nang malamang pati ang parteng iyon ay alam niya.

“So you saw me naked?”

“Eww, ’di no! Siyempre, pumikit ako ng mga oras na ’yon kaya mga ungol niyo lang ang naririnig ko.” gustong-gusto ko siyang sampalin at sabunutan ngayon pero pinigilan ko ang sarili dahil baka nga maging double dead na siya.

“Pero bet ko ’yong nilunok mo ang lahat, ah? Walang tinira? Gahaman? Makasarili ka, Riles? Hahaha awwww!” hinampas ko ang braso niya at pinisil ang kanyang tagiliran.

“Good god! Stop! Ang baboy mo, Kim!”

“Multo lang ako pero ’di ako baboy!”

Nagsakitan kami ng pisikal sa mga lumipas na segundo. Sabik na sabik pa naman ako na muli siyang makita pero puro pang-aasar lang pala ang gagawin niya. Pagkatapos naman no’n ay bumalik din kami sa seryosong usapan.

“I’m really sorry if I wasn’t able to save you.. ako dapat ’yon e..” namuo na naman ang makukulit na luha sa aking mga mata. Why am I so vulnerable in this afterlife, though?

“Riles, huwag mong sisihin ang sarili mo. Kung sa’yo nangyari ’yon, you won’t be this successful now. And there are still a lot of good things that awaits you. At ikakasal ka pa!”

With his last statement, I’m not sure now if he’s referring to my boyfriend Leviticus or to my brand new fiance Dominicus, everything’s messed up. And now that Dad possibly knows the real standing between me and Levi, I don’t know now how to fix it.

“Uy, napaisip siya kung sinong pakakasalan niya..” sinundot niya ang tagiliran ko kaya pinitik ko ang ilong niya.

“Seriously, Riles you need to make up your mind now. It’s now or never. Kung mahal mo, ipaglaban mo! Hayaan mo ’yong Daddy mo dahil hindi naman siya ang magtatakda ng kapalaran mo, nasa mga kamay mo ang kapalaran mo at ang Daddy mo gabay lamang siya.” his words of wisdom sounded familiar, though. Ewan ko ba rito sa kanya kung saan niya napaghuhugot ang mga salitang ’yon.

“It’s too complicated now, Kim..”

“Ano ka ba, ikaw na nga ang nagsabi sakin noon ’di ba, time flies so fast, do it fast so you won’t have to regret it in the end.”

Kimpoy has influenced almost all of my life decisions before and now he’s doing it again. Funny that we’re doing this in the afterlife but somehow it all sank down on me. He’s sacrificed for me, he saved me, and now that I’m living I should be doing something to make it worthy.

“Now wake up!” nabigla ako nang itulak niya ako hanggang sa mahulog ako sa kawalan.

Muli akong nasilaw sa isang liwanag hanggang sa magmulat ako ng mga mata ay natanaw ko ang nag-aalalang mukha ng aking ama.

“Rocco, call the doctor!”

May lalaking kumaripas ng takbo palabas ng silid na kinasasadlakan ko. Where’s Kimpoy? Nasaan na ako? Anong nangyari?

“M-My son…” he held my hand and softly kissed it while he’s crying. Napansin ko ang karayom na nakakabit sa aking kamay patungo sa isang swero. And I’m wearing a hospital gown.

Ilang sandali pa ay dumating ang lalaki na nakaputing uniporme at may ginawa itong check up sa akin. After that, he talked to Dad about something. Nakatanaw lang ako sa kanila nang harangan ni Rocco ang paningin ko.

“You okay? Kaya mo bang magsalita?” naupo siya sa tabi ko at hinaplos ang buhok ko.

“I-I think so..” tugon ko, tinulungan niya akong maupo. Rocco has this soft and warm set of eyes, he’s always casual to me but now that he’s seeing me weak and helpless, he might cross the borders now and act like a real brother to me.

And then after a while, his rushing sister went inside the room to see me. Ramona immediately came to check on me. Alalang-alala ang mga mata nito.

“Is he okay, kuya?” tanong nito sa kapatid, nang tanguan ni Rocco ay bumaling ulit sa akin si Ramona, ang emosyon ng pagsisisi ay nababasa sa kanyang mukha.

“I-I heard it was food poisoning, and I think it was the cupcake that I gave you, I’m sorry..” naluluha niyang bigkas, hindi ko malaman kung aaluhin ko ba siya o ano, pero inalo na ito ng kanyang kapatid bago pa man ako umaksyon.

Food poisoning?

“Ram, we’re not yet sure if it’s the cupcakes. Stop crying..” pagtahan ni Rocco sa nakababatang kapatid.

“Food poisoning?” tanong ko kay Rocco, binitawan nito ang kapatid upang paglaanan ako ng pansin.

“Yeah, that’s the initial findings.. but they still need to run some tests to verify if that was really the case. Aside from cupcakes Ram gave you, did you… perhaps ate any food other than that?” Rocco turned to me and let me think for a moment.

Ang huli kong kinain ay ’yung cupcake nga na binigay ni Ram, but prior to that… it was all just wine.. The wine that Weston gave me at the first party and the wine that I drank when I came to Dad’s party. Wala na akong iba pang maalala bukod doon.

“Just some… wine..” sagot ko.

Rocco casually nodded and when Dad came back, the two stepped back to give us space.

Kinumusta ni Dad ang kalagayan ko. Alalang-alala siya at ayaw tumigil sa kanyang pagtangis. I never thought that he could be this sentimental when it comes to me.

“Don’t worry, my son. Pinaiimbestigahan na namin ang nangyari. Rocco is heading the investigation, and I’ll make sure to file a restraining order to that Torralba!” mula sa paghihinagpis ay nag-iba ang tono niya.

Restraining what? Anong basehan niya para pagbintangan ang tao? Levi was there for me but he certainly didn’t do anything wrong. I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t harm me.

And like what Kimpoy told me a while ago, I should fight for what I love. Hindi ko dapat hinahayaang harangan ng ibang tao ang pag-iibigan namin ni Leviticus.

“Dad, you’re out of your mind. Leviticus has nothing to do with this!” bwelta ko kaya saglit siyang natigilan sa aking sinabi. Madalas ko na siyang kontrahin lagi noon pa man, pero iba na ngayon dahil si Levi ang pinag-uusapan namin.

The last time we argued about him was three years ago.

“How can you say that, son? He was there at the night that yo—”

“And you were there too, so should I also blame you?! Wala siyang ginawa. He was there because… because he followed me..” huminga ako nang malalim upang ihanda ang tamang tapang sa mga oras na ito.

Nanghihina pa rin ang buong katawan ko pero hindi ko hahayaang ipatong niya sa ibang tao ang kasalanang hindi naman nito ginawa. He can’t just put all the blame on him because he has personal issues with the person. That’s too lame!

“See? He followed you. So probably he’s up to someth—”

“Come one, Dad. Are you even listening to me? Wala nga siyang kinalaman dito! I know because I’ve known him longer than I’ve known you, and I trust him.. and he’s my boyfriend so stop tying me to other people!”

Hindi ko maiwasang hindi magtaas ng tono sa kanya. Ngayon ay mukhang natauhan na siya at mukhang ikino-konsidera ang mga pahayag ko. Ram and Rocco were both silent on the background, probably shocked as well to know the truth.

“Your boyfriend?”

“Yes! So stop the fucking engagement. Wala akong ibang pakakasalan kundi siya lang!” nanggigigil kong tugon, hindi na siya nakapagsalita pa at yumuko na lamang habang umiiling-iling.

Tanggapin man niya o hindi, wala akong pakialam. And I don’t need anyone’s approval on who I’m gonna choose to love. And if he’s my family, he’s going to accept that no matter what.

I stayed in the hospital for almost a week. Kahit pakiramdam ko’y magaling na talaga ako ay hindi pa rin pumayag si Dad na pauwiin ako. Isang beses na bumisita si Valentina Graciano ngunit kinumusta lang niya ako at hindi rin nagtagal. Salitan naman sina Rocco at Ram sa pagbisita sakin samantalang si Dad ay halos tumira na sa ospital.

At some point, I totally appreciate Dad’s concern about me, he really just have some biased opinions on his head, kaya madalas kaming hindi magkasundo. But still, I can say that he’s a good father.

Huling araw ko sa ospital ay bumisita naman si Dominicus at ang kanyang mga magulang. They brought flowers and fruits with them, malugod itong tinanggap ni Dad at hanggang ngayon ay botong-boto pa rin siya kay Dom.

“Maayos na ba ang pakiramdam mo?” tanong ni Dom sakin nang maiwan kaming dalawa sa loob ng silid. Hinatak ni Dad palabas ang magulang nito upang mapag-isa kami.

“Yeah, I feel better.”

I sighed, though I feel better, I still feel like there’s something missing. At alam ko kung ano ’yon, kung sino ang kulang. For the past few days I’ve been admitted to this hospital, he never visited me. Or maybe he did but Dad was so eager to shoo him away.

“Dom, I’m sorry for what happened the last time. A-About the engagement…” nang banggitin ko iyon ay sumibol ang ngiti sa kanyang labi.

“I’m cool with it, nagulat din ako dahil biglaan. Your Dad’s really… persistent… and hilarious..” I pursed my lips by hearing from him that we have the same view to what happened.

“Gusto na niya kasing mag-settle down ako, kaya atat na ipakasal ako. But I’m not rushing.. a-and I have a boyfriend..” hindi ko alam kung bakit bahagya akong kinabahan nang aminin sa kanya iyon.

“Leviticus Torralba, right?” nagulat ako nang malamang kilala niya. The way he looks at me now tells me that he probably met him the night that I fainted.

The only answer I could give him was a nod.

Our mood was interrupted by the sudden arrival of someone who pushed the door discorteously and crashed into my room. Pareho kaming napatingin ni Dominicus kay Gael na direkta ang tingin sa akin.

He rushed into me and checked every part of my body.

“Magaling ka na? Balita ko nabuntis ka na raw?” I sighed profusely and gave Dominicus a shy smile. Ako ’tong nahihiya para sa kaibigan.

“Bakit nandito ka? ’Di ba may trabaho ka dapat ngayon?” sa mga ganitong oras ay dapat na nasa kompanya siya pero parang wala siyang pakialam doon.

Dominicus stepped aside to give my friend enough space to check on me. Naiwan pa ang tingin ni Gael sa kanya, animo’y nanghuhusga dahil ngayon lang niya ito nakita.

“Naghalf-day ako para makabisita sa’yo, sino ’tong..” bulong niya pa upang hindi marinig ni Dom na nakaupo sa isang sofa sa gilid ang pagtatanong nito.

“Si Dominicus ’yan, kaibigan ko na pinakilala ni Dad. Anyway, sinong nag-approve ng paghalf-day mo kung nandito ako?” kuryosong tanong ko pero naiwan pa rin doon ang tingin niya kay Dom.

“Rocco has been taking care of the business while you’re here. Siya ang nag-apruba, bakit aangal ka? Binisita na nga kita, ayaw mo pa?” hindi ko alam na in-acknowledged na pala ni Dad si Rocco sa pamamahala ng kompanya, kahit pansamantala lang.

“Nga pala, nagdala ako ng prutas. Saging ang dinala ko kasi paborito mo.” may nakakalokong ngisi ang rumehistro sa kanyang mukha. Inirapan ko siya nang harapan para ipaalam sa kanyang hindi ’yon nakakatawa.

“Ilagay mo nalang diyan sa gilid.” utos ko pero napansin ko ang pagtayo ni Dominicus at siya na ang kumuha ng mg prutas kay Gael. Ayaw pang ibigay ni Gael noong una pero dahil hinampas ko siya ay binigay din niya.

“Balita ko may fiance ka na raw? Siya ba ’yon?” pang-uusisa ni Gael, ’di naman niya ako in-inform na makiki-tsismis lang pala siya rito. Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin pero walang talab iyon sa kanya.

“He’s not my boyfriend. Dad arranged us a marriage all of a sudden, pero tatanggihan ko ’yun.” tugon ko sa kanya. Dominicus left us for a moment to check on his parents, kaya naiwan ako kay Gael.

“Bakit mo tatanggihan, ayaw mo?”

Umismid ako dahil hindi niya na-gets ang punto ko.

“May boyfriend nga ako Gael, tapos magpapakasal ako sa iba?” pamimilosopo ko, ’yun lang ang oras na nakuha niya ang sitwasyon ko. He nodded and blinked his eyes.

“So he’s single then?”

“Sino? Si Dom?”

He shrugged his shoulders off like he doesn’t care who it was.

“Yeah, and he’s a good person but still I have a boyfriend.”

Nag-usap pa kami sa mga lumipas na minuto hanggang sa makabalik si Dominicus kasama na ang kanyang mga magulang at si Dad. Gael stepped back beside Dominicus when Dad walked towards me.

“Makakalabas ka na bukas sabi ng doktor. Saan mo gustong umuwi, sa bahay o sa.. condo unit mo?” tanong ni Dad, hindi ko alam kung bakit nakaramdam ako ng pag-aalinlangan sa kanya.

The first thing I would do once I get home is find my boyfriend. I don’t know if he stayed in my unit for the past few days, but I still prayed to find him there, waiting for me. Sabik na akong makita siya at magkalinawan kami tungkol sa huling nangyari.

“Sa condo, dad.. I’m gonna find my boyfriend and you can’t stop me.” matapang kong sagot sa kanya, at upang mas malinaw na rin para sa kanya na hinding-hindi niya mababago ang isipan ko.

“Your boyfriend? That Torralba?” pag-uulit niya, parang hindi nakuha ang tinutukoy ko.

“Yes, dad. My boyfriend. The one that I want to be engaged and married to. No one else.”

Chapter 47 [Engagement]

Sobrang tutol pa rin ni Dad sa kaisipang uuwi ako sa aking condo unit, nagprisinta pa siyang ihatid ako upang makasigurong safe akong makauwi kung kaya’t hinayaan ko nalang upang matahimik na siya.

I can’t blame him about his own perception of Leviticus, dahil iba ang paraan ng pagkakakilala niya sa tao, gayon rin sakin na sa ibang paraan ko ito nakilala. Maaaring mabuti ang tingin natin sa isang tao, pero para sa iba ay hindi. That’s fine because it normally happens.

Everyone has two eyes but no one has the same view. I have to accept that he doesn’t like my boyfriend, but what I can’t probably accept is if he won’t give himself a chance to know him better and if he’d just stick to his own judgment.

“Dad, he might be a different person when it comes to business, but believe me he cares for me more than anything in this world, like how you care for me.” payo ko sa kanya habang nasa loob kami ng kanilang SUV. Reid is driving while Bruce is on the shotgun seat, pareho kaming nasa passenger seat ni Dad.

“Don’t ever compare how I show my care to you to other people, my son..” pagmamatigas niya. Parang bata, ano ’to kompetisyon kung sino ang mas may care sa akin? Lahat nalang ba ay kompetisyon para sa kanya?

“Alright, the way you care for me is fatherly, but the way he cares for me… that’s romantic..” I glanced at him using my peripheral, but he doesn’t seem impressed. Good god, what I’d give just to open his mind.

“How can you make sure that he’s not gonna hurt you?” pagsasaad niya habang ipinag-krus pa ang kanyang mga braso.

I really looked like him, just an older version. Grey hair and wrinkled face, just by looking at him gives me a possible visual of what would I look like in the future.

“We can’t make sure of that, Dad. Kapag ba nagmahal ka, hindi ka na masasaktan? Well to tell you honestly, that’s part of the process of loving someone..” I just sounded like I’m presenting him a brief review about love. Hindi bagay sakin, at pakiramdam ko pinagtatawanan ako ngayon ni Kimpoy ngayon kung nakikita man niya ako.

“And that man is too old for you!” dagdag puna niya, may pag-duro pa siya sa kanyang daliri sa harapan, dahilan kung bakit napatingin sa gawi namin ang dalawang tauhan.

“Are you for real, dad? Sa’yo talaga nanggaling ’yan? He might be old but not old enough, limang taon lang ang agwat namin!” binitiwan ko ang mga salitang iyon na parang wala lang.

“See?! Five years, susmaryosep!” Dad groaned so hard and he’s now filled with tension the way he massaged his temples.

What’s so wrong with it? ’Yung iba nga higit pa sa limang taong agwat, e!

“So what? Hindi ba dapat mas pabor sa’yo ’yon? He’s too old to know how to keep someone for a lifetime, hindi gaya ng mga mas bata na papalit-palit ng ka-relasyon!” pangangatwiran ko na sa tingin ko’y epektibo naman dahil hindi niya nabara ’yong sinabi ko.

He’s probably agreeing right now with my statements. Siya itong matanda na pero ang tigas pa rin ng ulo. Good god!

“Dominicus won’t replace you for someone else.”

He sounded so ridiculous. No offense to Dominicus who’s not here, I don’t have anything against him, but Dad is using him again just for his personal gain.

“You just wanted me to marry a Verdejo, dad.” I hoped he understood my point. Para sa kanya, negosyo pa rin ito. Verdejo might be a huge industry, but in actuality, it’s smaller compared to Levi’s riches.

Kung pera lang din naman ang labanan, hindi naman magpapatalo ang boyfriend ko lalo na ngayong nalaman ko ang three-way merger nila. He’s freaking rich! Kaya anong pinuputok ng butsi nitong si Dad?

“What are you saying? Dominicus is an honorable man, and he will not hurt you. Kung doon ka sa Torralbang ’yon, puro pasakit ang mararanasan mo!” ngayon hindi ko na alam kung ano ba talaga ang motibo niya sa oplan bugaw niya. Para ba sa pera, negosyo, pangalan, o tunay na pagmamahal? Of course, the latter one is bullshit.

“Leviticus is honorable, too. Okay, let’s say they are both honorable! But the one I love is Leviticus Torralba. Yes, Dominicus is a great man, noble, respectable, principled, uhm what else? virtuous? superior? princely? He might be all of those Dad but my heart doesn’t beat for him.” nawalan na ako ng pasensya at gusto ko na lamang ibuhos ang lahat ng emosyon ko sa harapan niya kung pwede lang para mas maintindihan niya ako.

Muli niyang hinilot ang kanyang ulo at pagod na tumingin sa akin.

“Seems like anything I tell you won’t change your mind, Dad.” I whispered with finality.

Eventually he held my hands and caressed it with enough gentle.

“All I want is what’s best for you, son..” lumamlam ang kulay ng kanyang mga mata at ang ekspresyon ay gumaan na.

“He is what’s best for me, dad. No one’s better than him.”

Dad kissed me on the side of my forehead, providing me a feeling of security and belonging. Though we still have a different view about things, I still look up to him.

Nakarating kami sa tapat ng aking tinutuluyang condominium. Balak pa ni Dad na bumaba kasabay ko pero isinara ko kaagad ang pintuan at pinabuksan ko na lamang ng bintana ng sasakyan sa tapat namin.

“Dad, kaya ko nang mag-isa mula rito. Salamat sa paghatid.” paalam ko, nagbuntung hininga lang siya at napilitan ding tanguan ako.

“Take care, son. A-And…” nabitin ako sa huling sinabi niya kaya nanatili ako sa harap niya, “I-I’m gonna try to like him, try lang anak. Wala akong pinapangakong magbabago kaagad ang isipan ko. But fine, I would give him the benefit of the doubt.”

I felt vulnerable when my tears pooled again on my eyes after hearing what he said. Kahit subok lang ay malaking bagay na para sa akin. And him giving Leviticus a chance would be the best decision he’d ever make. I’ll make sure of that!

“Thanks, dad. I love you..”

I went inside my unit and the nostalgic ambience embraced me. Mabagal akong naglakad at nagtungo sa bawat sulok ng aking silid ngunit wala akong nakitang Leviticus.

Still hopeful, I walked inside my bedroom and I noticed that the boxes were still there. Lumapit ako sa aparador na binili niya noon at binuksan ito, napangiti ako nang malamang naroon pa ang mga gamit niya, hindi nabawasan kahit isa.

Isa pang nakakuha ng pansin ko ang kumot na bahagyang lukot sa ibabaw ng kama. Isang senyales na rito siya natulog. May mga bakas pa roon na maaaring bakas ng katawan niya.

Bumalik ako sa living room at nagtungo sa kitchen area. I opened the fridge and saw some bottle of beers, na wala naman noon, naroon din ang ilang slice ng cake na bi-nake ko noon na may mga bawas na rin. Kumuha ako ng isa at iyon na lamang ang unang naisipang gawin, ang kumain.

What’s with those beers anyway? Did he drink alone here or something?

I placed the plate on top of the table and sat on one of the chairs. Bago ko pa man maisubo ang piraso ng hiniwang cake ay napansin ko ang trashbin sa isang sulok na naiwang bukas. Out of curiosity, I stepped closer to it and saw the used and empty bottles of beers. So, he did really drink huh?

Pabalik na ako sa mesa nang muntikan pa akong madulas nang may maapakang maliit na bagay. I thanked my reflexes as I get to grip the edge of the sink for support. Hinanap ko ang bagay na naapakan ko at napansing kumikinang ito. Yumuko ako at pinulot iyon.

What does a fucking ring doing in my unit?! Kaninong daliri ng babae nanggaling ito?!

Maganda ang disenyo nito, intrikante at mukhang mamahalin, pinagka-gastusan!

I was holding that when the doorknob clicked and the main door opened. Agad akong tumakbo patungo sa living room, doon ko nahuli sa akto si Leviticus na papasok sa aking kwarto pero nang madaanan ako ng kanyang tingin ay huminto siya at napaawang ang labi.

He looked so stressed and there were dark circles below his eyes, but still, he’s naturally gorgeous so those flaws almost didn’t matter.

“Riley..” naglakad siya palapit sa akin upang yakapin ako pero umilag ako.

“Who’s been here with you when I was at the hospital?!” binalot ko sa aking palad ang singsing at itinago sa aking likuran. Malakas ang loob kong mapapaamin ko kaagad siya kahit ’di ko ipakita itong singsing ng babae niya.

“What are you talking about? I’ve been staying here since your father won’t allow me to se—”

“Ang tanong ko kung sinong kasama mo? Sinong babae ang inuwi mo?!” I gritted my teeth and desperately wanted him to just admit it to my face that he cheated on me.

Tutal ay uso na ang ganoong mga pangyayari na kapag maiwan mo sandali ay makakahanap kaagad ng iba. And those bottles of beers can account to that! Siguro nag-inuman pa sila ng babae niya tapos nag… I can’t even stomach those dirty words that I want to blurt out.

“What are you now, jealous of an imaginative person? Wala akong inuwi, Riley. Ako lang mag-isa rito..” mukha siyang pagod at walang interes na makipag-bangayan sa akin.

“Those bottles of beers in the bin, you’ve been drinking?” tanong ko, idinuro ko pa iyong kinaroroonan ng trash bin upang makita niya.

His gaze switched on me, the mild expression of frustration on his face succeeded. Isinuksok ko sa likod na bulsa ng aking pantalon ang singsing at humalukipkip sa harapan niya.

“Anong gusto mong gawin ko? The one I love just got fucking engaged to somebody else! Anong gusto mo, magtatalon ako sa tuwa?!” anggil niya, pinapatulan na ang mga paratang ko. Ang gusto ko ay aminin niya sakin ang totoo, hindi ko sinabing pilosopohin niya ako!

Walang tabas ko siyang inirapan at nilagpasan, nagtungo ako sa kwarto. Alam kong bubuntot siya sakin kaya nang makapasok sa loob ay binuksan ko ang aparador niya at kinuha ang mga nakahanger na damit niya. Ibinato ko iyon sa kanya.

“Get out of my unit! You’ve been lying straight to my face!” hindi ko matanggap na ito ang aabutan ko. Namuo ang galit sa akin at pinagkukuha ang mabibigat na sapatos at iyon ang ibinato sa kanya ngayon.

“Fuck! Mabigat ’yan, Riley! Crap!” minasahe niya iyong binti niyang tinamaan ng binato ko. Kulang pa ’yan, ilang araw lang akong nawala nakuha niya pang magdala ng babae dito sa unit ko?! Ang kapal lang! Tarantadong ito!

“God fucking stop, Riley! I’m supposed to be the one who’s freaking mad here! Anong ikinagagalit mo riyan?!” sinubukan niyang lumapit sakin.

Iyon na ang mga oras na binunot ko ang singsing sa bulsa ng aking pantalon at ipinakita sa kanyang harapan.

“Then what the hell is this?! Magdadala ka nalang ng babae mo rito, hindi mo pa nagawang linisin ang mga kalat niya!” dinuro ko sa kanya iyong singsing, gustong ipagduldulan sa mukha niya, at saka ko ibinato sa dibdib niya.

He tried to catch it with his hands, parang ingat na ingat pa sa bagay na iyon. Nang mahulog ito sa sahig ay pinulot niya pa iyon at hinipan ang alikabok. What the fuck?! Are you shitting me right now?! Pinahahalagahan niya pa ang singsing ng kung sino mang babaeng iyon?!

“You can be fucking careful, hindi mo na dapat pang ibinato sa akin…” komento pa niya.

Sinabunutan ko ang aking sarili, tuluyan nang hindi makapaniwala sa nangyayari. Namamasa na ang gilid ng mga mata ko. Pagod at bigo, naupo ako sa gilid ng kama at tinakpan ng aking palad ang aking mukha.

I couldn’t believe he could replace me that fast, like what Dad is telling me a while ago, I know he will hurt me in the process because that’s how love works, but damn him for hurting me bigtime!

Mas lalo pang lumala ang imahinasyon ko nang maisip na baka si Selena ’yong babaeng inuwi niya rito at itong singsing ay ang engagement ring nila. Since her family’s still courting him to marry Selena, maybe he already gave them his fucking golden yes!

“Hey..” he squatted, I felt his hands on my arms, trying to put it down to see my face. Umiling-iling ako at hindi na napigilan ang pagbuhos ng mga luha.

“Why the fuck are you crying? This is not my ring, definitely not any woman’s ring. This is…. for you..”

Tiniklop ko ang aking mga kamay upang silipin siya. Malungkot ang kanyang mga matang nakatuon sa akin. For me? What the hell does he mean by that?

He licked his lips and bit it, “but how would I give you this if you’re already engaged to somebody else, right?” he sighed and those words are like painful knives.

It took me a lot of time to reprocessed it in my head. He wants to give me that ring? Paano ako makasisigurong hindi sa babae niya ’yon? He took one of my hands and touched my ring finger with his. The ring was on his other hand.

“You’ve declined my marriage proposal a lot of times but now you’re engaged to someone else, do you know how much it fucking hurts me?” namumula na ang kanyang mga mata pati ang tuktok ng kanyang ilong dahil sa emosyon.

“T-That’s for me?”

He smiled but that smile didn’t reach his eyes. The kind of smile that accepts his fate, the kind that tells me it’s okay to lose, the kind that symbolizes surrender.

“Yeah, I bought it a year ago, after my surgery. I bought it in the hopes of seeing you again. But I didn’t expect you’d still slip off my hands and will be tied to someone who’s not me.”

Hindi ko na kayang pakinggan ang masasakit niyang salita at ninakaw ko na iyong singsing sa kamay niya. Nagulat siya sa ginawa ko. I cleared my throat and wore it on my ring finger. Inangat ko pa sa ere ang aking kamay nang maisuot iyon.

“It fits my finger perfectly..” komento ko, hindi maluwag at hindi rin gaanong masikip, tama lamang ang sukat nito sa daliri ko.

“W-What are you doing?” nakatingala na siya sa akin, lito sa aking inaakto.

“Finally, I’m engaged!” bigkas ko saka siya nginitian ng matamis. Pinahid ko pa ang tumakas na luha sa aking mga mata dahil sa nag-uumapaw na tuwa.

“You’re already engaged, Riley. So take it off..”

Anong sinasabi niya? Hindi ba niya nakuha ang sinabi ko? Finally, I’m engaged. Engaged to you, slowpoke! Good god!

“Why would I? I just got engaged!” tuwang tuwa ko pang tugon at tinitigan sa ere ang singsing na iyon sa aking daliri. Kumikinang ito kapag natatamaan ng liwanag.

“Don’t fuck with me. Take it off. You’re hurting my feelings. You’re about to marry that fucking asshole so take it off now, Riley!” sumampa siya sakin dahilan kung bakit bumagsak kaming dalawa sa kama, siya ay nasa ibabaw ko.

I used that opportunity to grab him and settle for a kiss. He repulsed at first but eventually he gave in to my fiery kisses. Dalawang minuto ang lumipas, tumigil ako sa paghalik sa kanya at mariin siyang tinitigan.

“You still don’t get it, do you? Good god! Ikaw ang pakakasalan ko! I wasn’t engaged to someone else, Levi. Dad just made it all up. And there wasn’t no ring, and he didn’t propose to me, so it wasn’t valid at all. Yours is valid, legal and binding..” mahabang litanya ko upang mas malinawan siya.

’Yung akala ko ako lang ang slow sa relasyon namin, siya rin pala! At ngayon pang napaka-halagang oras, hindi niya agad nakuha.

“Y-You are…” hirap na hirap siyang lumunok. I kissed his parted lips quickly.

“Yes, Leviticus. I’m marrying you. I’m still not rushing but this time is different. At baka mas lalo ka nang tumanda kapag hindi pa kita agad pinakasal—” he stole my lips and he kissed me hungrily, with extreme compassion and longing.

“Is this true? You’re fucking engaged to me?” panghihingi niya ng kompirmasyon sa akin.

“Kung ayaw mo pa, ayos lang naman sakin.” pagbibiro ko kaya mabilis siyang sumimangot. Of course, atat na ’tong pakasalan ako noon pa e. Aayaw pa ba siya ngayong ako na ang nag-aaya?

“You’re gonna marry me and bear my children, Riley. You don’t know how you made me so happy right now. Pwede na ba tayong magpakasal bukas din?” pinisil ko ang dulo ng ilong niya.

“Anong bukas kaagad? Wala pa nga tayong plano kahit isa. At pareho pa tayong may trabaho na kailangang unahin.”

Ang mga katwiran na iyon ang mas lalong nakapagpasimangot sa kanya. May balak naman akong magpakasal sa kanya pero sa tamang oras dapat, siguro sa susunod na buwan pwede na?

“Kapag pinakasalan mo ako, ikaw rin naman ang ta-trabahuin ko araw-araw, Riley..” he murmured, I hit his arm and he winced in pain.

Ano ’to, araw-araw ang honeymoon namin? Paano ’yun, isang taon akong iika-ika maglakad, gano’n?! Baka maging penguin na ako no’n pagkatapos?

“We’ll marry in god’s perfect timing..”

“There’s no perfect timing, Riley. Dapat ko rin bang planuhin kung kailan kita aanakan? Hindi naman, ’di ba?” hinampas ko ulit ang braso niya ngunit ngayon ay binalot niya ako ng mahigpit na yakap.

“I’m already engaged to you, Leviticus. There’s no way somebody else could steal my heart.” dagdag ko upang mas makumbinsi siya na mas secure na ang arrangement namin ngayong engaged na kami.

Honestly, this is not the kind of engagement I was expecting. Hindi man lang niya ako tinanong. Hindi ko man lang nasambit ang matamis kong oo. Biglaan nalang ang lahat. Pero ayos na rin ’yun, not everybody has the same love story. And we will create our own.

And I’ll never get tired of falling in love with him, as he never gets tired of falling in love with me too. I will never get tired of falling in love with someone who never gets tired of saving me from my own chaos. He has demons, but it saved me, a countless of times, and I’m loving him more because of that.

——

a/n: okay, so I still have three chapters left to mess this all up. good luck to me!

insert demonic laugh

Chapter 48 [Explanation]

Nagsimula ako na walang patutunguhan, walang direksyon ang buhay, gagawin kung ano ang gusto, walang pakialam sa iniisip ng iba, dumating sa puntong natuto akong magbisyo, napabayaan ang pag-aaral, maging sariling pamilya ko ay tinakwil ako.

But now that I’m in this situation, I know that I have to go through all of that in order to become the person I am now. Every one of us just needs time. To learn. To grow. To bloom.

Flowers need time to bloom, and so do we.

I met Leviticus in the most unexpected time in my life. I was just wandering. I had nowhere else to go. But he opened his doors for me, though I had to lie to him about my identity, he still didn’t think twice and let me in his house, and eventually in his heart.

And he was always out of my league, like who thought that he would want me, right? Someone like me, a mere commoner, nothing but a pretender, how in the world would he feel something for me?

I believed that many people will want you, but not want to love. There is a difference between wanting you and wanting to love you. So we have to choose to be loved and not to be used.

Leviticus is not a perfect guy. Just to be honest, he has a lot of flaws. He was violent. He had emotional issues. He was a lonely man. Isolated from everybody. And he couldn’t see. But I got amazed as to how he used it to become his asset. He doesn’t need eyes to see, because his heart is enough to see the good in people.

And the best guy you’ll ever have is not the best looking, the funniest, or the richest. He’s the one that makes you feel gorgeous, hilarious and like a million dollars. He makes sure you know you’re loved.

Well, bonus nalang siguro para sakin na gwapo siya, at mayaman. He’s freaking rich! And occasionally naughty. And you know, he’s gifted down there. I can’t tell exactly if it’s a bonus or a torture, though.

And loving someone also tests you. Sometimes when you love someone very much, you have to go through every tear, every heartache and every pain. Because in the end, it’s not just how you love but how much you hold on.

“Here is their latest report, that’s already devised. We can send them an email to request an undevised copy of that.” inilahad sakin ni Andrei ang isang clear folder.

I came back to office just a day after I went home. Rocco became the temporary boss when I wasn’t around so I need to review some of the most recent reports from the ongoing projects.

And after all those years of tears, pain, and heartaches, how did I know if he’s really the one? Is he my so-called soulmate? Paano nga ba nalalaman iyon?

I truly believe that soulmates will always end up together. No matter how much love got lost, no matter how much distance there was, if it’s meant to be, it will be. And you lose each other just to find each other again. That’s how you know someone’s meant for you.

And when someone makes you the happiest person and the saddest person at the same time, that’s when it’s real. That’s when it’s worth something.

My personal phone beeped for a new message. Without lifting it up, I just slid the screen to read the message in it.

Soon to be Hubby:

I’ll be there early, can’t wait to see you.

Nang mabasa ko iyon ay natural na sa akin ang mag-init ang mukha. Ang mas nakakahiya pa ay pag-angat ko ng tingin, nakasubaybay na pala ang assistant ko sa aking mukha.

“Boyfriend?” he teased.

Now I raised an eyebrow at him, he’s just my personal assistant but he has the guts now to ask me out-of-the-office questions. And I wasn’t informed that teasing me about my boyfriend is now part of his job description.

“Why don’t you mind your own business, Andrei? Or mind your own… boyfriend?” I rolled my eyes at him.

Sumimangot lang siya sa sinabi ko. I don’t know about his personal life, pero siguro ay wala itong boyfriend kaya ganoon nalang ang reaksyon niya.

“I don’t have one.” tugon niya, akala ko ay mananahimik na siya pero naglakas loob pang ipangalandakan iyon sakin. Mula sa binabasang papeles ay nag-angat ako ng tingin ulit sa kanya.

“Then get one.” walang gana kong suhestiyon sa kanya baka sakaling asikasuhin niya ang sariling lovelife niya.

Our mood was interrupted when Gamaliel entered my office without even knocking at all, taray parang opisina lang niya ah?

“Ginugutom na ako!” that’s his usual words when he visits my office minutes before lunch. He stretched his arms and yawned.

Dahil sa pag-inat niya ay bahagyang umangat ang suot niyang shirt dahilan kung bakit sumilip ang mumunting mga buhok doon pababa sa katawan niya. For me, it was nothing but my assistant coughed heavily. Nabilaukan ba ’to or something?

“I’ll go out.” anunsyo ko kay Gael na paupo pa lamang sa receiving couch, hindi tuluyang sumayad ang puwitan niya roon at muling tumayo, hinarap ako.

“Oh? Sama!” nabubuhayan niyang tanong, kumurap-kurap at parang nawala bigla ang antok.

“Di pwede, baka magkalat ka pa roon.” tugon, tinuturing siyang parang batang hindi pwedeng isama dahil hassle lang.

Niligpit ko na ang mga papeles sa aking desk at binalik ang panulat sa lalagyan. I checked the time on my phone and learned that I still have enough time to get to our rendezvous.

“Hindi ako magkakalat! Riley, naman. Saan ba ’yan? Gusto kong kumain ng masarap, e.” lumapit siya sakin upang magmakaawa, pinagdikit pa ang dalawang palad niya at saka nag-puppy eyes.

Pero nang mapansing nakatingin si Andrei ay umayos siya ng tayo, bahagyang nahiya sa inasal. He squirmed and blocked my way when I started to step.

“Seattle’s best, may kasama ako Gael kaya ’di pwede.”

Nalukot ang kanyang mukha pero mukhang may malalim na inisip. Baka kung ano pang isipin ni Levi kapag nakita niyang magdala ako ng ibang lalaki roon.

“Sino, boyfriend mo?” pinagtaasan niya ako ng kilay.

“No. Fiance ko, Gael.” pangtatama ko sa ginamit niyang salita. Mukhang ’di siya naniniwala dahil noong nakaraan lang sa ospital ay sinabi ko sa kanyang tatanggihan ko ang pagpapakasal sa temporary-fiance ko.

Now, I do have a real one. And he’s waiting for me now but Gael is putting a leash on me.

I raised my hand so that he can see the shining, shimmering and splendid ring on my finger to prove my engagement.

“Totoo? Mukhang mamahalin ah, nabebenta ba ’yan?”

Inalis ko ang kamay ko sa kanyang harapan. Anong pinagsasabi niyang ibebenta?

“This is true. Kahapon lang siya nag-propose sa akin.” agad akong nagsisi sa ibinalita dahil hindi nga pala nag-propose sa akin si Leviticus. Dahil basta nalang itong nangyari, ewan ko ba ang hirap ipaliwanag!

“Kahapon? Kakalabas mo lang ng ospital kahapon, ah? At sinong fiance ’yan, ’yon bang…” pilit niyang inalala ang nakilalang fiance ko no’ng nasa ospital kami.

“Dominicus is not the fiance I’m talking about..” muli kong binalingan ng tingin ang orasan at nalamang lunch time na.

“Isama mo ako, pakilala mo na rin sakin! Para magkaalaman na!” animo’y may bombilyang umilaw sa itaas ng ulo niya sa ideyang naisip. Paanong magkaalaman na ang pinagsasabi nito?

“Never, mamaya mapagkamalan ka pang nanlalandi sakin e. Baka mag-away pa kami dahil sa’yo..” pangangatwiran ko, ngumiwi siya nang marinig iyon pero hindi nagpatalo nang hatakin niya si Andrei at saka ito inakbayan.

“Edi kunwari mag-boyfriend kami nitong si Andrei! Para hindi maghinala ’yang fiance mo! What do you think?” mayabang na suhestiyon ni Gael habang mahigpit ang pagkakaakbay kay Andrei na halos masakal na sa ginagawa niya.

His idea is so fucking lame, though. Observing Andrei’s flushed face, now his face evolved into a full-grown tomato. Pulang-pula ang mukha nito, hindi na siguro makahinga sa pagkakasakal nitong si Gael. Hinampas ko ang braso niya upang pakawalan ang aking kawawang assistant.

“Do you even asked Andrei if he’s agreeing to your fucked up idea?!” dinuro ko pa si Andrei para makita niyang nahihirapan na ’yong tao.

“Payag ka naman, ’di ba Drei? Kunwari boyfriend mo ako?” pagpapa-cute pa nitong si Gael kay Andrei na sa wakas ay binitiwan na. Nagusot ang kwelyo ng damit nito at inayos at pinagpagan pa iyon ni Gael bilang pakunsuwelo.

“H-Huh? Boy… B-Boyfriend?” hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang lunok ang ginawa niya pero nautal pa rin sa huli.

“Oo! Sa labas tayo kakain, kasama ’yong fiance ni Riley. Nakakaburyo na rito sa opisina, e. Payag ka naman ’di ba, na magkunwari tayo?”

I got so bored, sabik na sabik na akong matapos ito upang makapagkita na kami ni Leviticus. But my assistant is still seizing the moment to stare at Gael’s face.

“O-O sige, o-okay lang.. naman.. kahit kunwari..” mahinang tugon ni Andrei kaya napa-yes pa ang walanghiyang si Gael sa tuwa.

I shook my head and walked past at them. Bahala silang sumunod sa paglalakad ko dahil nagmamadali na ako at nang tignan ko ang aking cellphone ay may ilang texts na roon si Leviticus.

Soon to be Hubby:

Where are you? Are you still at the office?

Soon to be Hubby:

Take your time if you still have things to do, but please I wanna see you.

Soon to be Hubby:

Still coming?

Kaagad akong nagtipa ng reply sa kanya.

Me:

On my way! Sorry I got held with something.

Nakalabas ako ng gusali habang nakabuntot sa akin ang dalawa. Ayaw ko man silang isama ay wala na akong choice dahil anong oras na at kanina pa naghihintay sa tagpuan ang fiance ko.

Fiance ko. Damn. Ano na kayang itatawag ko sa kanya sa susunod? My husband? Hubby? Asawa ko? Darling? Honey?

What the eff with those cheesy endearments!

We finally arrived at the Seattle’s Best and on our usual spot where we first met, Leviticus is already sitting there. Nang matanaw ako ay agad siyang tumayo sa kinauupuan at hinagkan ako ng marahan sa pisngi.

Narinig ko ang singhapan ng dalawa sa likuran ko. The reason why Levi’s eyes hovered at them.

“U-Uhm, I’m sorry I brought others with me. This is my personal assistant Andrei and..” napatingin ako kay Gael na sumingkit ang mga mata kay Levi, “and this is his b-boyfriend Gael, he also works in the office.”

Andrei offered his hand to Levi, while my fiance casually shook his hand. And then Gael who’s looking… threatened? Why was that the word that came up on my mind?

“Gamaliel Arciaga, pare. And this is my uhm…” he looks at Andrei who seemed so awkward playing the role Gael tagged into him, “I’m his boyfriend, and I love him, so much, very very much, deeply in love actually, he’s mine and I’m his, and Riley’s yours right, pare?”

Nanggigil ako at wala akong magawa kundi kagatin na lamang ang aking labi sa inis at kahihiyan. Levi’s confused expression didn’t go unnoticed.

“Yeah, I’m Leviticus Amedeo Torralba, his fiance and soon to be husband.” Levi said with ease and smoothly shook Gael’s hands, making it seem socializing with new people is his greatest skill as always.

Gael coughed. Levi motioned the table. Mabuti nalang ay nasa four-seater table kami. Hinatak ni Levi ang upuan sa kanyang tabi at inilahad iyon para sakin. Gael watched that so he also pulled the chair for Andrei. Pinandilatan ko siya nang umalis si Levi saglit upang mag-order ng aming pagkain.

“What the fuck is that, Gael?? Ikaw pa ’tong malakas magkunwari e ikaw ’tong kahina-hinala! Your words are so… flowery and so obvious.” puna ko sa kanya. I leaned forward just to emphasize that to him.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit kailangan pa nilang magpanggap pero mas mabuti na rin siguro ito. Leviticus is not the jelly type, but when he gets jealous, good god, he’s really really super jealous and he won’t easily get over it. Gaya nalang no’ng nahuli niyang hinatid ako ni Dominicus. Hirap na hirap akong suyuin siya no’ng mga panahong ’yun.

“Anong obvious do’n? Ang galing ko ngang magpanggap, e. Di ba babe?” kunwari pang pinisil ni Gael ang pisngi ng namumulang si Andrei na anumang oras ay magiging estatwa na.

“Ewan ko sa’yo, mas mabuti pang manahimik ka nalan—” agad akong tumahimik nang makabalik na si Leviticus sa aking tabi.

My fiance is wearing his rose-pink long sleeves and black trousers, ang coat niya ay nakasampay sa likuran ng upuan niya. The shade of his top is kind of feminine but I didn’t know pink also suits him. It actually complements his complexion, dumagdag pa ang kumikinang na silver necklace sa kanyang leeg. Every little thing about him is always breathtaking, good god!

“So! When is the wedding?” pang-uusisa ni Gael na hanggang ngayon ay walang kontrol ang bibig. Ito ang pinaka-kinatatakutan kong mangyari, ang magkalat siya. Alam ko ang ugali niya kaya alam kong ’di niya titigilan ’tong si Levi.

Nagkatinginan kami ni Levi.

“I can marry him tomorrow or the next day, but Riley wants it next month..” tapat namang sagot ni Levi. Napainom ako sa baso ng tubig, bakit kailangan niya pang banggitin ’yon? Mas lalo lang manggigisa ’tong kaibigan ko e.

“Sweet..” komento ni Andrei.

“How about you, when are you guys gonna get married?” bato ng tanong ni Levi kaya halos maubo ako sa iniinom na tubig. Ang kabadong tawa ni Gael ay pumailanlang sa buong lugar.

Dumating ang pagkaing in-order ni Leviticus. Sakto ang mga iyon para sa apat na tao.

“Hindi pa namin napag-uusapan ang bagay na ’yan, pare. Pero kung… gusto nang magpakasal nitong mahal ko, handa rin naman ako anumang oras..” I almost wanted to vomit hearing Gael’s words. Wala talaga akong tiwala sa kanya na kaya niyang magpanggap, pero ngayon ay medyo nakukumbinsi na ako.

Gael’s the most famous flirt in our batch, and it’s his greatest strength and skill. He won’t survive without flirting.

Levi pursed his lips, looking so convinced with Gael’s fake act.

Nagpatuloy kami sa pagkain. Levi ordered healthy foods for me, it’s a good thing that Gael already stopped from talking, luckily he knows when to shut up. Tahimik na kaming apat, paminsan-minsang kinakausap ako ni Levi, kinukumusta ang aking lagay kung maayos na ba talaga ako.

The doctors told me before I left the hospital who did a lot of tests, that it was a glycol something… yeah, glycol ethylene poisoning according to their findings. But we didn’t know for sure where did I have contact with that substance. But most probably ay galing daw ito sa huli kong kinain.

We all ate peacefully. I was already expecting that it would end smoothly as planned but everything was ruined when a familiar face went inside. Nakasuot ito ng leather jacket at nakasabit ang shoulder bag sa isang balikat. Katulad ni Gael, ay mukha pa rin itong brusko.

“Riley?” bigkas nito nang matanaw ako. Imbes na sa counter siya pumunta ay nagtungo siya sa table namin. “Gael?” napansin niya pa ang isang kasama ko.

“Renan?! Pare!” tumayo si Gael sa kanyang upuan at nakipag-batian sa aming kaibigan. The others who didn’t know who it was, Levi and Andrei just watched us. Tumayo na rin ako upang yakapin ang kaibigan na ngayon ko nalang ulit nakita.

“Teka, magkasama kayo? Don’t tell me nagkatuluyan talaga kayong dalawa?!” napasinghap ako nang itanong iyon ni Renan na nakatingin saming dalawa ni Gael, ang lakas pa ng pagkakasabi niya kaya agad na naestatwa si Levi sa kanyang kinauupuan.

Pinandilatan namin ni Gael si Renan na walang kamalay-malay sa gusto naming sabihin. Shut your fucking mou—

“W-What?” Renan asked with a complete confused look on his face.

“What did you say, pare?” humilig si Leviticus sa aming kinaroroonan, nakatagilid ang katawan at nakadirekta ang mga mata kay Renan.

“N-Nothing, Lev. He didn’t say anything.” pag-agap ko.

“Oo! Tama, wala ’yon, pare! Hehe!” dagdag ni Gael.

Bumalik ang tingin samin ni Renan. “Ano? Sinagot mo ’to, Riley? Di ko alam na hanggang ngayon ay magkasama pa rin pala kayo. Sabagay, ang tagal kang niligawan nitong si Gael e—” tinakpan ko na ang bibig niya dahil kunot na kunot na ang noo ni Leviticus habang nakikinig.

“Wait, what? This guy courted you, Riley?!” nagsimula na ang akusasyon ni Leviticus. Tumayo na rin ito at pumagitan sa aming dalawa ni Gael.

“W-What’s going on?” ang walang ideyang si Renan ay nakawala sa kamay ko at nagawa pang itanong ’yon.

I suddenly regret why I’m friends with these talkative people! Kahit si Kimpoy ay ganoon rin, lagi kang ilalaglag hangga’t may pagkakataon. Renan isn’t really like those two but right now he clearly doesn’t have any idea about the offensive words he just mentioned in front of my fiance.

“U-Uhm, Renan this is Leviticus, my f-fiance. A-At hindi kami ni Gael.” ako na ang naglakas ng loob na baliin ang katahimikang namagitan sa aming lahat. The ambience got so awkward all of the sudden.

Renan’s jaw dropped as he looked at Levi who’s now fuming mad and puzzled.

“H-Hindi naging kayo? Oh! Sorry, my bad.” paghingi ng paumanhin ni Renan.

I shook my head and looked down as I already have the prediction to what will happen later on. I have a lot of things to explain to Levi.

Pagkatapos ng aming lunch ay naunang bumalik si Gael at Andrei sa aming gusali. Si Renan ay umuwi na rin dahil ayon sa kanya’y napadaan lang siya at may binisitang kaibigan. Nagpaiwan naman ako sa table kasama si Levi.

Silenced filled gap between us two. Nakahalukipkip si Leviticus at sa ibabaw ng table nakatuon ang tingin.

“I’m friends with Gael and Renan since college. Ganoon na talaga silang dalawa. But nothing’s going between me and Gael, Levi.” pagsisimula ko sa aking explanation.

Like what happened before, he’s giving me the silent treatment whenever he’s jealous or bothered with something.

“A-And it’s not true that Gael and my assistant Andrei are in a relationship. Pinilit na sumama ni Gael kanina kaya napilitan siyang magpanggap na boyfriend ni Andrei, para hindi ka… mag-isip ng kung ano..”

Kahit ako na nakakarinig sa explanation ko ay parang hindi ko rin kayang tanggapin. I know it’s a petty reason, but I wasn’t the one who suggested the fake act, it was all Gael’s fucked up idea.

“Are you shitting me right now, Riley? What’s up with all those lies?!” galit niyang tugon, “and that guy courted you? do you have anything with him?”

“Of course not! May balak ba akong magpakasal sa’yo kung meron? And Gael is a natural flirt, he didn’t really court me back then, he was just… really flirtatious..” parang kahit ako ay hindi kumbinsido sa katwirang iyon.

Levi slowly licked his lower lip and bit it after while thinking too much about it. Kahit siguro anong gawin o sabihin ko ngayon ay hindi agad maibabalik ang mood nitong si Leviticus, as far as I know it takes him a lot of time to warm up.

“So you flirted with him? Is that what you’re trying to say?” he asked suspiciously.

“Hindi ganoon, Levi. Walang nangyari saming dalawa. Biruan lang talaga. Hindi ko siya pinatulan kahit kailan.” umirap pa ako sa ere upang ipakitang nandidiri ako sa aking kaibigan.

“And he works with you?” dagdag niya pa, seryoso at nakapirmi na sa iisang linya ang mga labi.

“Y-Yeah.. But he’s in the engineering department.” naalala kong ako nga rin pala ang dahilan kung bakit nakapasok si Gael sa kompanya. Ako rin pala ang nagpasok sa kanya sa buhay ko para guluhin ako.

Levi picked up his phone on top of the table and wears his coat. Still, the gloomy expression never left his face. He looks up at me after and he sighed nonchalantly.

“Go back to your office, I have to go as well. But we’re gonna have a serious conversation at home, Riley. So you better prepare a more convincing explanation.” saka siya naglakad palabas habang naiwan akong bigo at kabado. Feeling like he’s my boss or something. Should I prepare for the worst when I get home?

Hinilot ko ang aking magkabilang sintido.

Alright, jealousy part two, here we go.

Chapter 49 [Beginning]

My mind has been off to somewhere else while I was reviewing the papers Andrei gave me after lunch. I’ve been bothered by Leviticus’ jealousy and what kind of approach I’m gonna give him once I get home. First time he got jealous, I gave him words of certainty. But this time, I know it won’t work. He needs something other than that.

I heard some knocks on the door. Andrei looked at me but then he stood up to open the door.

Zanro and other project managers came inside my office. Nagulat ako sa biglaang entrada nila dahil wala naman akong naaalalang ipinatawag ko sila, unless sila ang may pakay sa akin.

“Yes? Can I help you?” pinagsalikop ko ang aking mga kamay, pansamantalang isinantabi ang ni-ri-review kong papeles.

Zanro and each of the other project managers put a folder on top of my desk. Their faces are impassive so it gave me an idea that something’s going on. A total of five thick folders, I checked each one.

“We think there’s an incorrect information in the custom orders.” bigkas ni Zanro bilang tagapagsalita ng kanilang grupo.

I carefully reviewed the first folder. Some lists are highlighted in red marker. But I can’t point out the wrong information, though. Nag-angat ako ng tingin kay Zanro at madali naman niyang nakuhang hindi ko maintindihan ang tinutukoy niya.

“The delivered products are incorrect, dumating na ang mga supply ngayon lang. And some materials are artificial and have low qualities..” aniya na ikinakunot ng aking noo.

Binasa ko ang laman ng iba pang folders na parehong may mga marka ng pulang guhit dahil sa mga discrepancies at incorrections.

“What about the construction specifications?” tanong ko upang mas malaman ang detalye ng mga materyales na in-order.

Zanro crossed his arms and frowned even more.

“If you’re gonna take a look at our project specifications, Mr. Graciano. So you could also know whose responsibility it is.”

Ginawa ko ang suhestiyon niya. I compared the projects specifications and the the copy of custom order the contractor placed with the suppliers. Doon ko nalamang may mga pagkakaiba nga. Still, those were the same materials but the ordered ones were low cost.

“I-I think the custom order was finalized two days ago.” ani Andrei na nakamasid sa akin at sa iba pang nasa loob ng opisina.

Two days ago?

“I didn’t sign this.” iyon ang nahulma kong kongklusyon mula sa sinabi ni Andrei. Two days ago I was still at the hospital.

Binalikan ko ang pahina kung saan ang lagda ng nag-apruba ng custom order na iyon. It was signed by Rocco Graciano. Tama ang hinala ko dahil siya ang pansamantalang naupo rito noong nagpapagaling ako sa ospital.

But since the supplies were already delivered, I can’t do anything about it. Now I have to fix it even though it wasn’t my fault.

“I can reorder exactly what you want, but this will definitely push your completion date. You can also either accept the delivered products with its mistake, averting delays. But that might require modification on-site or… an aesthetic compromise, Zanro..” tugon ko dahil iyon ang tanging solusyon na naiisip ko.

Zanro shook his head as that’s the only solution I can provide him, he can settle to that or he can stop the project, it’s also up to him.

Ang iba pang project managers ay naglabas din ng kanilang mga hinaing. When I thought that it was just one problem, I realized there were more.

There were unforeseen conditions at the construction. I looked at the pictures the senior project manager showed me. There were termite damages on some of the materials and dry rots. But this is neither the fault of the manufacturer nor the contractor since this was unforeseen, so I still have to set aside funds to cover unexpected costs.

And talking about the budget, it wasn’t so good.

“I’m gonna review the construction agreement and if extra work is necessary…” then the builders are entitled to additional money, okay this is seriously getting stressful.

Andrei caught my attention as he was already checking the status of this month’s budget. Nang tumingin siya sakin ay nalaman kong hindi maganda ang ibabalita niya.

“There were multiple payments made upfront to the contractors, boss.” banggit ni Andrei na kalaunan ay ikinagulat ko.

“I’m sorry, upfront?!”

He nodded and then showed me the screen of his macbook. Ipinakita niya ang bagong report mula sa finance at ang annual budget ay halos… ubos na.

What the hell.

“The contractors were asking money upfront, so the… temporary boss granted the request.”

Hinilot ko ang aking magkabilang sintido dahil sa stress sa mga nalaman. Payments upfront wasn’t even in the contract, so how the hell someone approved this? And the job isn’t done yet!

“How come you didn’t tell me this?!” baling ko sa assistant ko na nagulat sa pagtaas ng boses ko.

“T-The reports were just uploaded today, boss. N-ngayon ko lang din nalaman.”

“Let me take a look at the payment plans..” utos ko sa kanya, sunod niyang ini-scroll ang sumunod na pahina at doon ko nalaman ang nilalaman ng kontratang nilagdaan noon.

“For big projects like this, we can only pay one-third upfront, another third during the project, and the final third at the project’s completion. So how come the funds were extracted and provided completely when the job isn’t done yet?!” galit kong tanong.

Nagsinghapan silang lahat dahil sa pagbabago ng mood ko.

Napapikit ako at nagbuntong hininga. Now that the annual budget was already used, how are we gonna compensate for the other ongoing projects?

Incorrect custom orders, unexpected costs in the construction, and now payments upfront made without any of my knowledge. Nagsabay-sabay lahat ang problemang iyon sa isang bagsakan.

I suddenly regretted that I stayed longer at the hospital and let Rocco dealt with all of these. Now, I’m the one who’s gonna deal with it.

Nang umalis sa aking opisina ang mga project managers ay tumayo ako sa aking kinauupuan at naglabas ng sama ng loob. I took an unscheduled break due to stress.

This is what blaming game feels like. When there is a bump in the road, fingers start pointing. The general contractor blames the sub, the home owner blames the general contractor,  and then the project manager blames the owner. Which is fucking me.

Lumabas ako ng aking opisina. I have to talk to Rocco about this. I don’t want to blame him but it’s so hard not to point fingers and thinking that it was his faulty decisions. I was about to call his number when someone caught my attention.

Jason went out of a vacant office, may dala-dala itong mga papeles at saka pumasok sa nakabukas na elevator. I was shocked to see him here when I was under the impression that he’s working under Levi’s firm.

Ibinaba ko ang aking cellphone, hindi na naituloy ang pagtawag dahil sinundan ko siya ngunit sumara na ang elevator. Ang huling alaala ko sa kanya ay noong huling punta ko sa kompanya ni Levi noong nagkaalitan pa kami ni Liz. Jason was my ex-boyfriend and he wasn’t supposed to be here at the Gracianos.

His sudden appearance here tells me that something wrong is going on.

Bumalik ako sa aking opisina, saktong naroon pa si Andrei, madali ko siyang inutusan.

“Andrei, I need to ask a favor.” napahinto siya sa pagtitipa sa kanyang laptop at tumingala sa akin.

“Can you gather information about Jason Villanueva? I need it now.” umupo ako sa aking swivel chair at hindi mapakali.

Ngayong napakarami kong problema na kailangang isipin, dumagdag pa ito!

I gave him enough time to pull up the information. May ideyang pumapasok sa isipan ko pero wala pa akong sapat na ebidensya upang mang-akusa.

“U-Uhmm.. I looked him up, Jason Villanueva, he’s an active employee of Torralba Builders, and… he’s an engineer.”

So I was right. He’s working under Leviticus. Pero anong ginagawa niya rito sa Gracianos? Torralbas and Gracianos are not in a partnership or something, so I can’t think of any reason why he should be here.

Unless..

“And also uhhh I checked some of his personal social media accounts..” Andrei added, facing the monitor closer. “I don’t know if this is relevant, b-but he’s in a relationship with Lizel Roman.”

Lizel Roman? It doesn’t sound familiar but the first name felt so weird to me.

“Do you have a photo of her?” tanong ko.

Andrei nodded and eventually showed me a social page on the screen. My jaw dropped as I saw Liz’s face on the pictures. My ex-boyfriend’s girlfriend is this bitch?!

“Lizel Roman, she was recently fired from the Torralba Builders but later on joined the Del Grande’s business. Uhm, do you know her?” hindi ko pinansin ang tanong ni Andrei dahil nakatitig lamang ako sa kasuklam-suklam na mga litrato.

She’s working now for the Del Grandes? So.. was that the reason why she showed up from that party?

“Can you call the surveillance team and tell them I have a request..” utos ko pa at binuklat ang aking laptop upang mag-take down notes ng mga timelines na kailangan kong ipa-review sa kanila.

Takang-taka naman si Andrei sa kakaibang pinagagawa ko pero sinunod din naman niya. I need them to review the cctvs inside the building because I already have a theory in mind on who’s spying on Leviticus.

I think I know who the spy is. Spies, I mean.

When the clock hits 5PM, nagligpit na ako ng aking mga gamit at saka bumaba sa basement. I started the engine of my car and drove off the basement. Pero hindi sa condominium ang tungo ko, kundi sa Torralba Builders. I need to tell Leviticus about what I’ve found.

Nagpark ako sa tapat ng matayog na gusali. Memories of three years ago flashed on my mind. Ngayon nalang ulit ako tatapak dito. Huminga ako nang malalim bago tinahak ang daan papasok.

Taas-noo akong pumasok sa lobby. Some employees can’t help themselves but to glance at me. Of course, the famous Richard Bailey Graciano just made an unexpected entrance to their building. Hindi ko alam kung kilala nila ako pero base sa mga mata at atensyong nakukuha ko ay parang ganoon na nga.

Pumasok ako sa loob ng elevator. Mag-isa ako dahil ang ibang balak na sumakay din ay hindi sumabay sa akin. When the elevator doors closed, I sighed and took my phone out of my pocket. Hindi nga pala ako nag-text kay Levi na bibisita ako rito. Mabuti na ring hindi para ma-surprise naman siya kahit papano.

Hindi ko nga lang sigurado kung pakikinggan niya ako gayong ’di pa siya nakaka-getover sa pagseselos niya kay Gael.

Paglabas ng elevator ay diretso ako sa opisina ni Leviticus. I was immediately interrupted by his new executive assistant when I was about to open the door.

“Excuse me, sir. Do you have any appointment with Mr. Torralba?” lumapit ito sa akin, hinarap ko ito, mukha namang mas mabait ito kumpara roon kay Liz na mapapel masyado.

“Uhm, I don’t have.”

“Perhaps, may I know the reason for your visit?”

Nag-isip pa ako ng idadahilan ko pero naalala kong bakit pa nga ba ako dapat magpa-appointment e mapapangasawa ko ’yang lalaking nasa loob.

“Richard Bailey Graciano, I’m your boss’ fiance.” pakilala ko, napanganga siya sa nalaman at hindi agad naka-recover.

“Oh! P-Pasensya na po, Sir. Kayo po pala ang.. fiance. Anyway, wala po si Mr. Torralba ngayon sa opisina niya, nasa conference niya po.” anito saka itinuro ang malaking silid sa dulo ng hallway.

“Okay, dito nalang siguro ako maghihintay sa lo—”

I wasn’t able to finish my statement when the door in front of us opened. And then Selena Ynares is about to get out of my fiance’s office.

What the hell is she doing inside his office?

“Oh! R-Riley?” namutla siya nang makita ako, tumigil siya sa paggalaw at tumitig sa akin.

To caught Selena Ynares getting out of Leviticus’ office tells me something. At anong ginagawa niya rito sa kompanya? Is she a frequent visitor here? At galing pa talaga rito sa opisina ni Levi?

Were they doing something behind my back?!

“Selena.” banggit ko sa pangalan niya.

Iniwan kami ng assistant at naiwan kaming magkaharap ni Selena. I remember her seeing at the Del Grande’s party, but it seemed like she didn’t know I was there based on the surprised look on her face now.

“Riley, can we talk?” tanong niya, binabasa niya ang emosyon sa aking mukha. I totally don’t feel anything with her aside from disgust.

“Talk? May kailangan ba tayong pag-usapan? Aside from your family pursuing my fiance to marry you?” direkta kong patutsada, walang takot na binitawan ko ang mga salitang iyon sa kanya.

Some of the busy employees are looking on our direction. Selena opened the door wider to Levi’s office and gestured me to come in so that we can talk. Ayaw ko mang sumang-ayon sa gusto niyang mangyari ay wala na akong nagawa at sinakyan na lamang siya.

Whatever she’s up to, I’m not gonna let it affect me or our relationship.

“Alright, first of all I’m not here like what you think. I was just..” pabalik-balik siya ng lakad at ’di mapakali, “I was here because my Mom thinks that I’m here, and… it was true that my family wants me to marry someone on the higher class like Leviticus..” pahayag niya.

I don’t understand. Because her mother thinks she’s here? Hindi pa ba malinaw na ang motibo niya kay Levi ay para pakasalan ito?

“I know about your relationship with Levi, he told me about it so that I will get away from him. And to be honest, Riley I don’t have feelings towards him.” aniya sa nagmamakaawang tono, ’di ko alam kung paniniwalaan ko ba ’yon.

She doesn’t have any feelings with Levi but at the party she tried so hard to flirt with him?

“I know what you’re thinking, Riley. But it isn’t really like that. Mom and Dad want me to marry him, sumasakay lang ako sa kung anong gusto nilang mangyari dahil hindi pa ako handa na..” I felt her hesitation for a moment but her eyes told me that what she said was sincere.

“How are you gonna prove to me that you don’t really… like Leviticus?” nakukumbinsi kong tugon. My mind is clouded with thoughts of judgment but it won’t hurt to give her the benefit of the doubt.

“I have a boyfriend.. b-but he isn’t rich like Leviticus. That’s why I can’t tell my family yet because they have high expectations from me.”

I considered her words enough to think twice about her. I really judged her based on what happened before, she shut me off from getting in Levi’s house and she also badmouthed Graciano’s business at the recent party.

Well, maybe people really have their own ways of coping. And the high expectations of her family, that’s on her, that’s her problem not mine. As long as she won’t lay her fingers on my fiance then we’re good.

“Then why did you shut me off three years ago from getting in his house? Hindi ba ikaw ’yon?” hindi ko pinalagpas na hindi itanong sa kanya ang bagay na ’yon.

“Y-Yes, that was me. But that was the time that everybody thinks you’re the spy or whatever. And I was there, Levi wasn’t around that time, but I’m with my family and his family. So… I did that to protect you..” aniya.

Protect me? Hindi kailanman sumagi sa isipan ko ’yon noon, nakakatawang isipin, pero kung totoo ang sinasabi niya, maaaring ginawa niya iyon upang hindi ako mapagtakhan ng kanyang pamilya at ng pamilya ni Leviticus.

“They were all under the impression that the spy was living with him. I might have accused you too but I told the security to keep you away so that things won’t get more complicated, and I was thinking that you’re still a good person..”

If that was her decision, then fine. I’m not fully convinced but I will give it time. Besides, she was good to me before, she didn’t treat me like less of a person even when I was pretending that I was taking care of Leviticus. Pero kung totoong may boyfriend na siya ay siguro mapapayapa na ako pagdating sa kanya.

Selena Ynares is just another victim of situations and the things we can’t control. She doesn’t have control over it and she couldn’t handle it during those times until now. If her family has high expectations from her, if they knew that she was dating some ordinary man that isn’t on their standards, it led me to the thinking that she doesn’t have any choice but to go with it.

Though like what she said, she’s not ready yet to maybe introduce whoever her boyfriend is to his family. However if she keeps on hiding, then it’s her problem, it’s her choice.

Palabas na ako ng gusali. Leviticus sent me a text that he’s gonna go home late because he was still held on their conference meeting.

Me:

Alright. I’ll wait for you at home.

I sent it to him.

I was at the building’s lobby when someone approached me. Nang lingunin ko ay gulat ang rumehistro sa aking mukha.

“What are you doing here?!” galit nitong tanong.

Peter Alveo also known as Otep, my adopted brother wears a suit and tie. Pero teka, anong ginagawa nito rito? Is he working for… my fiance?!

“What? M-May binisit—”

“Pagkatapos ng nangyari, may karapatan ka pang magpakita rito?” pang-aakusa niya sa nakalipas na hindi ko na matukoy kung alin. I know we’re always aloof of each other but… the way he talks to me now and they way he looks at me with rage, it seemed that I did him wrong.

“A-Anong sinasabi mo?”

He grinned with sarcasm, acting like I offended him or something.

“Dad’s in jail because of you..” anunsyo niya.

I’m sorry, who?

Matagal akong napatunganga sa harapan niya kaya mas lalo siyang nairita.

“Wala ka bang alam?! Your father was stabbed in his office three years ago, and Dad was the suspect but he did that because of you!”

Mas lalo akong naguluhan. There were so many things that happened in the past, but specifically three years ago, that’s when my bestfriend was killed, that’s also when I left Levi, and when Dad…

Holy son of a…

I remembered the stabbing incident. And the suspect was… my step father? Conrado? And he’s in jail? How come I didn’t know any of this?! Itinago na naman ba sakin ’to ni Dad?

This day is so fucking exhausting. Starting from Levi’s jealousy issues, from the multiple problems in the company, from my speculations for the people spying on Levi, from dealing with Selena, and now this revelation about the stabbing incident that happened years ago. What else should I know?!

My mind can’t keep up with the revelations and now it’s stressing me a lot. But though I knew all of it, it still feels like I’m missing something, missing more actually. So many secrets are living around me and now they are starting to unfold.

And when I thought everything is about to end, I didn’t know that it is just beginning. Beginning of something that will turn everything around in one snap.

Chapter 50 [End]

I sipped on my hot choco while checking the email that the surveillance team sent me. Nahirapan pa akong hanapin iyon dahil sa tambak na unread emails sa aking inbox. Nang mahanap ang hinahanap ay in-open ko kaagad ang naka-aatach na files.

I left my laptop for a quick moment to go to the kitchen area and check the chocolate concorde cake I baked inside the oven. May limang minuto pa bago ito tuluyang maluto.

Binalikan ko ang laptop sa living room. Pinasadahan ko ng tingin ang wall clock, mag-aalas otso na pero wala pa rin si Leviticus. Ang sabi niya may conference meeting siya kanina. E baka naman nagtatampo pa rin ’yon kaya walang balak na umuwi?

I tried to keep my mind off of him and focus my attention on the files from the surveillance team. There were some clips from the time frames that I requested. I played some of the clips where Jason Villanueva is seen at the Graciano building, and I noticed that most of the clips I have watched… he’s always seen talking to…

I heard something clicked and then the doorknob moved. Natuon doon ang tingin ko at nang bumukas ang pintuan ay pabalang kong tiniklop ang laptop sa gulat nang makita si Leviticus.

Nakahinga ako nang maluwag. Ang paranoid ko. Good god! Akala ko kung sinong gwapo na ang pumasok, e ’yong pinakagwapo pala ang dumating!

His eyes went to find me before he closed the door. His overall serious face tells me that he’s still not over the jealousy. I stood up and welcomed him with a warm hug. Hinagkan ko pa siya sa labi bilang paglalambing. Gumanti rin naman siya pero mukhang pilit.

“How’s work? Ginugutom ka na ba? Anong gusto mong kainin? Masakit ba ang ulo mo? Pwede kitang masahiin kung gusto mo, ano?” after that, he gave me a skeptical look, I realized I tried too hard to entertain him. So much act for appeasing him.

“I’m fine. I just wanna rest.” humikab pa siya at mukhang pagod na pagod sa kanyang trabaho.

Ngunit hindi ko siya pinakawalan. Nakaharap ako sa kanya habang ang dalawang kamay ko ay nakaangkla sa kanyang baywang. Our faces are inches apart that I can almost hear his deep and steady breathing.

“Kumain muna tayo bago ka magpahinga. Ayaw kong nalilipasan ng gutom ang soon to be husband ko, e..” I pursed my lips enough for him to notice that. Natuon ang atensyon niya sa nakausli kong labi at pabalik sa aking mga mata.

“You mean that?” he asked half-convinced.

Tumango-tango naman ako na parang aso. I mean, ’yong laruang aso na nasa harapan ng mga sasakyan bilang display.

“Are you sure you want me as your husband and not anyone else?” humakbang siya palapit sa akin kaya napaaatras ako sa paglalakad niya. Both of his eyes look already tired but it still sparkle like stars in the night sky.

Not anyone else? Bothered pa rin ba siya kay Gael? E wala namang binatbat ’yon sa kanya. Good god!

“I won’t marry if you’re not gonna be my husband.” tugon ko at dinampian ulit siya ng halik.

I licked my lips after, natural na malambot ang labi niya, parang marshmallow, sarap kagatin.

“And you’re gonna bear my children?” pinapatulan na niya ang paglalambing ko, mas malambing pa ang boses niya kaysa sakin kaya parang ako na ang sinusuyo niya.

I didn’t expect that I could get into him just by flirting with him. Dati naman siyang hindi gano’n, siguro pagod na nga talaga ’to.

“How many babies do you want then?” panghahamon ko sa kanya. Kung siya din naman ang magpupunla, aarte pa ba ako? Gandang lahi nito sigurado. Kaya hangga’t kaya niya pa ay dapat mag-anak siya nang mag-anak hanggang sa dumami ang kamukha niya.

“As many as you can handle…” he whispered seductively as his lips are tempting below my face, so close to the surface of my skin, “but for now I want to enjoy us alone..” he granted hot kisses around the skin on my neck.

Napapaliyad na ako sa ginagawa niya hanggang sa bahagya ko siyang itinulak dahil naalala ko ang cake sa oven. Baka nasunog na ’yon! Good god!

“Shit! ’yong cake nasa oven pa!” kumaripas ako ng takbo sa kusina at pinatay ang oven. Sinilip ko ang cake sa loob nito, though chocolate talaga iyon ay parang hindi na kulay tsokolate, parang kulay tutong na!

“What is that? Smells like burned rice..” komento ng lalaking nakabuntot pala sa akin.

Hawak ang tray ay sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. Heto na naman tayo sa mga pang-iinsulto niya, gano’ng gano’n niya siniraan ang apple pie ko noon.

“This is chocolate cake. Nasunog na…” I frowned even more while looking at it. Ipinatong ko ang tray sa tabi ng sink, pinaghirapan kong i-bake ’to kanina pero mukhang nasayang ang lahat ng pagod ko.

Paiyak na ako nang matanaw ko sa Leviticus na nanguha ng tinidor at saka lumapit sa akin.

“Let me have a piece..”

“No! Sunog na, Lev. Di na masarap ’to, baka laitin mo lang ulit.” babala ko sa kanya habang pino-protektahan ang tray sa mga galamay niya. Inalala ko ang unang beses kong pagsubok sa apple pie noon at sirang-sira ang araw ko noon dahil sa pang-aasar niya.

“Why would I? Malay mo okay pa ang lasa niyan..”

Dahil mapilit siya ay hinayaan ko na. Tama naman siya, tinitigan ko ang ibabaw at mukhang masarap pa rin naman dahil chocolate ito. Sumubo siya ng isang piraso at hinintay ko ang magiging reaksyon niya.

“Lasang….” pagbibitin niya, nginunguya pa niya, “lasang sunog..” seryosong pagkakasabi niya na ’di ko malaman kung totoo ba o niloloko lang ako. Nevertheless, naasar pa rin ako!

“Iluwa mo! Bubwisitin mo na naman ako, e!” singhal ko sa kanya at inagaw ko pa ang tinidor na hawak niya upang ’di na siya umulit pa.

Sa isang iglap ay nawala ako sa ulirat nang hatakin niya ang batok ko at siniil ako ng malalim na halik. It was unexpected but it still made my knees weak.

When he stopped kissing me, he stared at me in the eyes and eventually showed a delighted smile. “Sumarap na nang nahalikan kita.” aniya.

Buwiset pa rin ako sa kanya pero ’di naman ako estatwa para hindi kiligin sa huling sinabi niya. Parang gusto ko tuloy siyang sunggaban pero inisip kong iika-ika na naman ako sa paglalakad bukas. Sa honeymoon nalang siguro namin.

Kinabukasan ay una kong inasikaso ang lahat ng meetings kasama ang mga project managers at contractors, at doon ay humingi ako ng paumanhin sa kanila. There’s a lot going on right now and I still need to talk to Rocco about those. Maybe I’ll try to visit them later after work, remembering that I also need to talk to Dad about the stabbing incident years ago.

Mukha namang nag-iimprove na ang relasyon namin ulit ni Levi, kalmado naman siya kaninang umaga no’ng mag-almusal kami at binibigyan naman niya ako ng ngiti.

“I’ll be home early after work.” iyon ang balita niya sakin kanina, nagpunas ng table napkin sa kanyang bibig pagkatapos kumain.

“I think I’m the one who’s gonna be late, dadaan pa ako kina Dad pero hindi rin naman ako magtatagal doon.” pinanonood nalang niya akong matapos kumain. Ugali na niya ’yun, na hindi siya aalis sa hapag hangga’t ’di pa ako tapos.

Habang kumakain ay nagtitipa ako ng text kay Dad para ipaalam na bibisita ako mamayang hapon.

“I can fetch you after work.” alok niya, pero ayaw ko namang maabala pa siya. He can rest more if he’s gonna go home early.

“Huwag na, gagamitin ko ang kotse ko. At saka magpahinga ka nalang dito, alam ko namang stressed ka lagi sa trabaho.”

Nagpunas na ako ng table napkin sa aking bibig na inabot niya nang matapos na ako. Sinalinan pa niya ako ng tubig at saka ko ininom ’yon.

“Give me your phone..” utos niya na ipinagtaka ko.

“What? Why?”

“Just give it. I won’t read anything. I’ll just… do something..” aniya. Wala naman akong itinatago sa phone ko kaya nagkibit balikat nalang ako at inabot sa kanya ang hinihingi.

After a minute or two, he gave me back my phone. I didn’t know what he did but I just ignored it when he’s busy checking on his phone now.

Bago ko lisanin ang opisina nang mag-alas singko ay naghabilin ako ng mga gawain kay Andrei. I still have to attend meetings with other subcontractors and the builders as well. I also need to come up with a resolution about the financial crisis the company is dealing with right now.

About the spy thingy, pina-imbestigahan ko na ito sa aming security team. Hindi ko pa nasasabi iyon kay Leviticus dahil hinala pa ang mga ito at kailangan ko ng mas malakas na ebidensya bukod doon sa video na kuha ng cctv kung saan iisang tao ang lagi niyang pinupuntahan.

Driving my own car, I manipulated the steering wheel to get to the Gracianos household. I checked my phone once again but Dad didn’t even replied to me. I haven’t heard from him since the day he drove me home. Maybe he got busy with his personal agendas with the Verdejos, I don’t know, I just hope that he is not up to something again. That phase of him is already over because he said he would try to like Leviticus and give him a chance.

Wala pang kalahating minutong pagmamaneho ay nakarating na ako sa mga Gracianos. As usual, an intimidating ambience welcomed me as I walked on the entrance of their mansion. Tahimik ang paligid ngunit maliwanag naman ang buong bahay.

“Dad??” pagtawag ko upang sumulpot siya. Umikot ako mula sa living room at kitchen area pero walang tao roon. Wala rin ang mga househelps nila. What is happening?

“Riley?”

Napalingon ako sa aking likuran at natanaw si Rocco na nasa tainga pa ang telepono at mukhang may kausap sa kabilang linya. Eventually, he puts it down and walked closer towards me.

“Where are the people? Where’s Dad?” kuryosong tanong ko dahil kakaiba sa pakiramdam na tahimik ang buong mansyon ngayon ’di tulad ng dati na maaliwalas at maraming tao.

Rocco sighs and looked down below, lumungkot ang ekspresyon sa kanyang mukha. He resembles his mother’s features that’s why he kinda look intimidating at first.

“Dad is missing.” anunsyo niya na hindi kaagad nagsink-in sa akin.

“Missing? What do you mean missing, Rocco?” napansin ko ang malalim niyang paghinga at ang nag-aalalang emosyon sa kanyang mga mata.

“It’s been more than 24 hours that he hasn’t contacted us. Did he.. perhaps contacted you?” tanong niya. Natigilan ako dahil hindi ko inaasahang ganito ang aabutan kong balita.

The last time I saw Dad was the time I went out of the hospital and drove me back to my condominium. After that, we never had any communication.

“N-No, he didn’t. A-Anong nangyayari? Baka may pinuntahan lang? Did you try to track him?” nag-isip ako ng mga posibleng lugar na pinuntahan ni Dad, pero wala akong maisip kahit ano. He doesn’t go out very much, kung hindi bibisita sa aking unit o sa kompanya, dapat narito lang siya sa bahay.

“Mom already coordinated with the police. She also tried to check on our properties if he’s there, hanggang ngayon wala pang balita. Ram is with my mom, kaya ako lang ang naiwan dito.” aniya.

Para akong pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa. Ang dami ko ng stress sa trabaho, ngayon pati sa pamilya ay dumadagdag pa.

“I’ll check his room, baka may mahanap akong hint doon..” I said to Rocco and then went upstairs to get to Dad’s personal office. Tumango si Rocco at hinayaan akong umakyat mag-isa.

Though hindi ko sigurado kung talaga nga bang umalis si Dad, pero kung gagawin niya iyon ay magpapaalam naman siguro siya? But if this falls on a more serious situation, if he was kidnapped or something, we might be receiving calls now for a ransom.

Binuksan ko ang opisina ni Dad at binuksan ang ilaw doon. Sapat ang espasyo ng silid para sa desk at sa shelves ng mga libro. I went to his desk and skimmed the papers on it.

My phone beeped for a message. Tinignan ko ang pumasok na mensahe ni Levi.

Soon to be Hubby:

I’m home. Still at your dad’s?

Nagtipa ako ng reply sa kanyang text.

Me:

Yes, still here. Take a little rest, baka gabihin ako ng uwi ngayon.

I decided not to tell him about Dad missing, mag-aalala lang siya para sakin. As much as he wants to look over me, kailangan kong gawin ang pareho at alagaan din siya. He doesn’t need to worry and stress over me all the time.

Naupo ako sa swivel chair at inilapag ang cellphone sa desk. I opened his filing cabinets and searched for something useful. If he went somewhere far, he might probably leave some clues here? Bahala na. Ito lang ang tangi kong naiisip na paraan sa ngayon.

I also tried to call Dad’s number while I’m ransacking his personal stuffs. Sa pinakailalim na cabinet ay napansin ko ang patung-patong na folders na nakaagaw ng pansin ko dahil may malaking nakasulat doon na “Investigation”.

Kinuha ko iyon at nagulat ako nang malamang imbestigasyon iyon tungkol sa nangyaring stabbing incident sa kanya tatlong taon ang nakalilipas. Report iyon na nanggaling sa pulisya at nagkaroon pa pala ng court trial para roon. I checked the date when it happened and learned that I was out of the country when the trial happened. Iyon ang mga panahong nagti-train na ako para sa kompanya, if I remember it correctly I was at Switzerland that time.

Carefully reading the reports, nagulat ako sa nalamang mga impormasyon. It was true that my stepfather Conrado Alveo was the one behind the stabbing incident but… but… some speculations were mentioned that someone provoked the main suspect…

There were pictures attached.. my father Richard Graciano and the suspect.. and then…

I closed the folder. Para akong nahilo sa nalaman. Hinabol ko ang aking hininga. I shook my head to get back to the main reason I was here. Dad’s missing and I should worry about that now.

Itinabi ko ang folder na iyon ngunit ang isa pang folder na nasa ilalim nito ay ikinagimbal ko nang mabasa ang pangalan ng aking kaibigan doon. With shaking hands, I opened that folder and scanned the reports for the investigations made on the shooting incident causing Kimpoy’s life. Alam kong nagkaroon ng masusing imbestigasyon noon pero…

My eyebrows furrowed when I learned that the culprits who were behind the shooting incident were brought to jail. Napatawan din sila ng kaso. Nahuli ang dalawang namaril. How come Dad didn’t tell me about this? Nahuli naman pala pero bakit hindi niya sinabi sakin?

Unless…

Binuklat ko pa ang mga sumunod na pahina. Mas ikinagulat ko nang malamang..

“Riley?” the door opened and I saw Rocco found my eyes. Pumasok siya sa loob at napansin niya ang pagkataranta ko sa pagtatago ng mga folders na binabasa.

“U-Uhm… I couldn’t find anything..” bulong ko habang sinasalansan na ang mga folders at ibinalik sa ilalim ng cabinet.

I tried so much to avoid Rocco’s eyes because he would just notice my botheration. I felt like I’m having a panic attack from all the revelations I learned.. I took my phone on the desk and put it on my lap while trying to dial something..

Rocco walked slowly on the shelves, looking at it and then back at me. Hindi ko kaagad napansin ang dala-dala niyang maliit na kahon. In front of the desk is a receiving chair and he occupied that. Ngayon ay magkaharap na kami.

“Didn’t find anything?” he asked, while looking at me with scrutiny.

Pinakalma ko ang sarili dahil sa mga nalamang katotohanan. Of all people, I didn’t expect that would possibly happen.

“N-No, uhmm… I tried calling him but no response as well..” tugon ko.

He leaned forward, never leaving my eyes as he opens the small box and took out one cupcake in it. Kinain niya iyon sa harapan ko. My eyes travelled to the other cupcakes inside the box, the same one Ramona gave me at the party.

“I almost thought the plan would end successful..” panimula niya habang ngumunguya, “but poisoning you didn’t work..” bigkas niyang ikinagulantang ko pa lalo.

He smirked like an evil. Pinagpagan niya ang kanyang kamay at kumuha pa ng isang cupcake. I looked at my phone and then back at him, acting normal.

“You were also the one behind the poisoning incident?” matapang kong tanong sa kanya.

Inalala ko ang mga impormasyong nalaman ko nang mabasa ko ang laman ng mga folders kanina. The stabbing incident, Conrado Alveo was charged of attempted murder but the one who provoked him was Rocco Graciano. The shooting incident, masked guys behind it were also imprisoned but the mastermind was also him. Nakalaya lang siya nang pabulaanan iyon ni Dad. Of course, Dad was so stupid to turn a blind eye for his son. And the spies Jason and Liz, he hired them to bring down Levi’s company.

Rocco smirked and looked at me. I never thought he could do all those terrible things, for what? What is his motive from pulling all those stunts?

“I was kind at first to try killing you in a car accident. But I thought you wouldn’t die fast from that. But then I saw you with the owner of Torralba Builders the night of the expo..” aniya. Pinag-isipan kong mabuti ang sinabi niya. Expo? He was there at the expo?

“And I did something with your tires.. but it didn’t also go according to plan..” aniya, animo’y bigo habang inaalala ang nangyari pero kalaunan ay ngingiti ulit na parang demonyo.

The night at the expo, na-flatan ako ng mga gulong no’n. Siya ang may gawa no’n? What the hell?!

“And then this cupcakes were actually the last attempt, but unfortunately you’re still fucking alive and kicking..” he laughed with sarcasm.

Everything dawned on me. Siya ang nasa likod ng lahat ng nangyari. Maging ang pagkamatay ng aking matalik na kaibigan ay siya ang may gawa. Maging ang mga problema ngayon sa kompanya ay maaaring siya rin ang nagdulot.

“You killed my bestfriend. You could’ve killed me! But you’re coward enough to order people to do it!” galit kong tugon sa kanya.

Hinampas niya ang ibabaw ng desk kaya halos napatalon ako sa gulat. There was a dangerous smile plastered on his face right now.

“Dad is not missing because you know where he is..” panghahamon ko pa. Wala akong sapat na ebidensya ngayon kung siya rin ba ang may pakana kung bakit nawawala si Dad. But provoking him would give me answers.

“He was a stupid old man, he’s useless and he couldn’t even give me his riches.” madiin niyang sagot kaya nagkaroon ako ng ideyang siya rin ang dumakip kay Dad. This monstrous demon!

So this was all about… money? He would do all sort of things for the sake of money?!

Humigpit ang pagkakahawak ko sa aking cellphone at hindi na nilaanan ng tingin iyon.

“You’re a monster! I wouldn’t let you get away with this!” singhal ko ngunit malakas na tawa lamang ang natanggap ko sa kanya.

“What, you’re gonna kill me?” he mocked.

“You could have killed me yourself, but you didn’t. You’re nothing but a dumbass loser!” hinawi niya ang lahat ng kagamitan sa ibabaw ng desk at nagkanda-sira ang mga iyon. Ang mga papel ay lumipad sa ere.

Dad knew that Rocco Graciano was associated with those crimes so he probably thought that killing me would force Dad to disown him.

“What now? You want the company? I’ll fucking give it to you if that’s what you want! If you still don’t want it, end my life then! Kill me!” matapang kong paghamon sa kanya. His demonic eyes turned to me as it gets darker. To end this now and for all, provoke the hell out of him. It’s now or never, I have to put an end to this.

Epilogue

Leviticus

I sighed for the last time before I dived in again on the pool. Nanuot ang natural na lamig ng tubig sa aking balat, walang pinagkaiba sa lamig ng nararamdaman ko sa mga lumipas na panahon.

I’ve been living alone, isolated from everybody, away from the noise of the city, and I’m here enjoying my own serenity in the four corners of my house.

After the tragic accident, I blamed myself for everything. Maybe it happened because I was careless, or maybe it happened because I didn’t care enough, or maybe it was really supposed to happen for me to see what darkness feels like.

Darkness.

I’ve been living in darkness. Hanggang sa tumanda ako ay ganito nalang siguro ako, walang pag-asa, mag-isa, nabubuhay ngunit walang buhay. It’s so damn ironic but that’s how it all goes for me.

I heard some noise inside the house, specific in the kitchen area. I didn’t know Legend is gonna visit me tonight. He’s been the only one who helps me and cares enough, or maybe he cares because I’m his older brother. Sometimes I would shoo him away, dahil pakiramdam ko ay nagiging pabigat lang ako sa kanya.

Nagbalot ako ng tuwalya at saka nagtungo papasok sa loob. I opened the sliding door but suddenly the noise was… suspiciously gone. Mabagal akong naglakad sa kusina, basa pa ang katawan ko at ’di na napansin kung nababasa ko ang sahig.

“Lej?” I called.

I heard a complete silence, I might not be able to see but I can feel. And my senses are telling me that someone is here, someone not in my knowledge. Kung si Legend ito ay kanina pa ito nagsalita at nagparamdam.

And then I heard a sigh. That’s it!

“Sino ka?”

Still, that someone didn’t dare to speak out. When you’re used to darkness, every other senses that you have gets stronger. That’s why I know that someone is hiding from me. Why is he hiding, though? Do I look…. scary? Am I too ugly to look at?

“I won’t hurt you. Just tell me who you are.”

Nahh, of course it was just a bait, I would still hurt him if he does something unlikely.

“Come out. I won’t hurt you..”

After waiting for more than a minute, I heard little footsteps and body movement. Damn, it’s so hard tracing in the dark and it’s like my chakra is slowly phasing down.

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude.” and a soft marshmallowy voice came out of nowhere. Fuck, I don’t even know why I had to describe it that way. Am I thinking of marshmallow?

And this is a guy, damn. Is he trying to steal something?

Using my extreme senses, I tried to trace down his location, on where he is standing.

“Who are you?”

“P-Pasensya na talaga kung pumasok ako without your permission. Bukas kasi ang gate at ang pintuan.”

Now that I have an idea of his location, I stared at him. Based on the spectrum of his voice and the tiny movements he makes, I can say that he’s not that tall, and he’s probably slim but I can absolutely take him down once he does some crazy things.

“Anong pangalan mo?”

The fuck, why am I doing an interrogation, though? Do I need to remember his name if I’m gonna take him down?

“R-Riley…” he answered with his marshmallowy voice again. Damn, I should stop from that description. I just sounded like a horny bastard.

Well, I’m probably horny because I’ve been void of sexual relations since… what the fuck, do I really have to think of this now? In this situation, really Levi?

“Riley.” inulit ko. That’s a good name but it will not matter once I throw him out of my house.

“Are you the hired gardener?” another interrogation from me, I’m testing him if he would answer truthfully. Legend has been hiring useless and snoopy househelps but I always tend to get exasperated.

“Y-Yes? Yes!”

My lips rosed for a half-smirk. Mukhang hindi pa siya sigurado sa katauhan niya. It’s not in my usual nature to keep a long conversation with anyone, but I don’t understand why am I enjoying this one. At sa boses niya, hindi siya bagay na mag-hardinero.

“I never asked for a gardener, and never hired either…”

Ngayon, sigurado akong natataranta na siya sa pag-iisip ng alibi.

“Now, let me ask you once again. Who are you?”

Mag-isa man ako pero alam ko kung paano asikasuhin ang sarili. I can still do things normal people with good eyesight can do. Sometimes it gets hard, sometimes it’s frustrating, but still nothing will change if I will not help myself.

“Y-You’re sightless?”

I shouldn’t be affected by what he asked since that is the truth and I have accepted that long time ago. But hearing it from a stranger, pain comes back and all I could do is let it break me silently.

I gripped his arm when I felt that he’s waving his hands in front of me.

Binitiwan ko rin ang kanyang braso kalaunan. Humigpit ang hawak ko roon kaya pinigilan ko ang sarili. I shouldn’t be offended or something, iyon naman kasi ang totoo. I’m blind and it should be okay if people will look down on me just because I can’t see.

“I-I’m sorry..” bigkas niya sa nahihiyang boses.

Days passed by. Halos paulit-ulit nalang ang ginagawa ko mula araw hanggang gabi. Ayaw ko rin namang bumisita sa kompanya dahil hindi pa ako handang bumalik. I think years aren’t enough to get back to the real world. I feel like I’m quarantined for a very long time and adjusting to the new normal is so difficult.

“Ano nga palang pangalan mo?” isang araw ay tinanong niya.

Nasa kusina kami at naririnig ko ang paglilinis niya ng mga pinggan. Isa ito sa mga inaayawan ko, ang usisain ang buhay ko. I don’t like the feeling of being cornered or hotseated.

“Leviticus. You can call me Levi.”

Sinagot ko rin naman ang tanong niya. Pangalan lang naman ang hinihingi niya kaya binigay ko na. From observing him, he kinda seems good with conversation. O para sa akin maganda na ’yon dahil bibihira naman akong may makausap?

One day my phone rang. I knew it was my younger brother since he set a personalized ringtone on my phone, in that way mas madali ko raw malaman na siya ang tumatawag.

“How are you?” bungad niya nang sagutin ko ang tawag.

“I’m good. Same routine. But I think something will change..” thinking about this Riley will probably gonna change my life, I just hope that it’s a positive one.

“I’m sorry, something will change?” aniya.

“The one you hired.. pretty good.. bit nosy but I can tolerate it..” I answered while thinking about this Riley with the marshmallowy voice. I heard tiny little footsteps nearby, is he eavesdropping on me?

“The one I hired? What are you talking about kuya?”

“Yeah.. the gardener..”

Narinig ko ang singhap ni Legend sa kabilang linya.

“Gardener? I hired a gardener for you?”

Napakunot ang noo ko, bakit patanong ’yon? O nagpapanggap itong walang nalalaman sa sinasabi ko?

“C’mon, it’s not like I did not expect it..”

“You have a gardener at your house? Kuya, I did not hire anyone. Whoever is that, he’s probably… I don’t know. Do you know him? Should I be worried or something?”

Hindi niya kailangang mag-alala dahil kaya ko namang depensahan ang sarili ko. Bulag man ako pero mabilis ang reflexes ko. And this Riley doesn’t seem good at fighting, to me he seems like a lost and frail puppy.

“I’ll keep him for now..”

Huling sabi ko bago ko ibaba ang telepono. Lumipas pa ang mga araw. I was always observing Riley. For now, wala pa naman siyang ginagawang kakaiba na magiging dahilan nang pagpapalayas ko sa kanya.

“Ako na po, Sir.”

Inagaw niya sa akin ang plato’t mga kubyertos pagkatapos kong kumain. Dumampi ang mga daliri ko sa kanyang kamay, napansin kong malambot at makinis ang balat niya.

“Can you not call me Sir? I don’t like to be called Sir.” lumunok ako nang malala dahil sa sobrang lapit niya.

Sa huli ay hinayaan ko siyang kunin ang mga kasangkapan pagkatapos ay narinig ko ang lagaslas ng tubig. He’s probably washing the dishes now. Tumayo ako hawak ang isang baso at sinubukang lumapit sa kinaroroonan niya.

Out of all the things I noticed about him, there was one thing I loved.

“Sht!”

When I felt that I’m close to him, I sniffed his attractive scent. Narinig ko ang kalansing at pagkahulog ng ilang kubyertos sa kanyang gulat.

“Oh sorry, nagulat ba kita?” I whispered.

His scent smells like a mixture of vanilla and lavender. It was so fucking good and it’s stimulating some unknown feeling inside me. And I feel like I’m getting a hard-on because of that. Fuck!

“B-Bakit ka ba nariyan, Sir?”

Nag-init ang mukha ko at bilang dahilan ay inangat ko ang baso na aking hawak.

“Akin na, isasama ko na dito sa mga hugasin..” kinuha niya ’yon sa aking kamay.

I stayed in that position. I’m too ashamed to accept that I’m horny but I really am, and it’s fucking disgusting!

“I love your scent..”

I should probably get rid of him, or get rid of my indecent thoughts. Habang tumatagal na may kasama ako ay iba ang nagiging epekto nito sa akin.

“You’re still going to school? How old are you?” tanong ko sa kanya isang araw na maaga siyang nagising.

“I’m 25. Graduating na ako.”

Tumango-tango ako bilang pagsang-ayon sa nalaman tungkol sa kanya. Well, I’m thirty and the distance between our ages are quite… scary…

“Five years gap..” I murmured.

With respect to my not-so-decent thoughts. Damn, I really need to release something in order to get rid of this hot feeling.

“Nope, sasamahan na kita. Can you make some tea for me?” I put my arms on top of the table, requesting a cup of tea.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit matagal siyang hindi nakasagot, alam kong nakatitig siya sakin ngayon, may dumi ba sa mukha ko? Or do I really look old to him? Damn, why am I even stressing about this. I shouldn’t care about what he thinks.

“Please..?” dugtong ko at saka kinagat ang aking labi.

“Y-Yeah, sure.. saglit ipagtitimpla kita. Diyan ka lang..”

Hindi ko alam pero napangiti ako roon sa sinabi niya. It’s just so adorable of him to tell me to stay on my seat like I’m a kid or something. So he doesn’t look at me like an old man, huh? Kung ituring niya ako e parang bata e.

“Bakit nakangiti ka? M-May nakakatuwa ba?” nakuha niya pang itanong.

“No, sorry.. You told me to stay here, well wala naman akong balak na umalis.” pinilit kong hindi masyadong ngumiti dahil baka makahalata siya. At baka isipin niyang masyado akong mabait.

“Okay. Magtitimpla na ako.”

Sa mga sumunod na araw ay nagbabago na talaga ang takbo ng araw ko. Dahil nagkakaroon na ako ng kausap madalas. At sa bawat mararamdaman ko siya sa paligid ko ay tumatagos ang titig niya sa balat ko. It’s not so hard to notice.

“Noticed what?”

Kumakain kami sa hapag ngayon at naglakas-loob siyang tanungin ako nang direkta sa mga napapansin ko. It feels really nice to have someone to talk to, in the morning, or any time of the day. Matagal ko nang nakalimutan ang ganoong pakiramdam.

“That you’ve been staring at me for like… five minutes now..”

“You’re kidding..” I heard his anxious laugh.

“Why would I? Even if I couldn’t see you, but I feel.. I may not see but I feel, Riley..”

But on another perception, he might be staring at me because he couldn’t believe that I was blind, or maybe I just really look ugly and old and wrinkled. Damn, what I’d give just to see his face right now.

“What makes me different from them? Y-You didn’t throw me out..”

Naibahagi ko na rin sa kanya na madalas akong mairita sa mga househelps na hina-hire ng aking kapatid. Kaya madalas ay nauuwi rin sa pagkakatanggal nila sa trabaho. Walang tumatagal sa akin.

“Because I like you, Riley.” I admitted. From the days that we’re together, I started to like his presence. And I also like the version of myself when I’m with him. I feel so… calm… and everything feels peaceful. Hindi ko na masyadong naiisip ang mga problema sa paligid.

“G-Gusto mo ako?”

“Yeah, I like you.. I mean, not romantically but I like the way how you manage things. You’re not pushy, loud, or aggressive which makes you different from them. And I don’t even want Legend to hire anyone, sometimes he hires without my knowledge, so I get to fire them after knowing about it.” paliwanag ko

Natahimik siya. Did I.. Did I explain too much? Or did I confuse him? Which of the two?

“And you’re just there, waiting if I need anything. That’s why I’ve decided to keep you and give you a chance.” I added.

“Yeah, gusto rin naman kita..”

Right at this moment, I’m having a real hard-on. I couldn’t control it. This Riley is just making things go out of my control. I hate it but I love it at the same time.

“I mean, of course not romantically too..” pero para naman akong nadismaya sa sunod na sinabi niya. Upang hindi ako mahalata ay tumawa na lang ako nang bahagya.

“What do you like about me?” pinagsalikop ko ang dalawang kamay at ipinatong ang aking baba roon, interesado sa kanyang isasagot.

“Can we just… pwede bang bukas nalang natin pag-us—”

“You’re not going anywhere if you don’t answer my question, Riley. Come back here..” narinig kong patakas na siya kaya pinigilan ko siya, “I’m expecting an honest answer..”

“Leviticus naman, siyempre maayos ka naman makitungo sa akin. Wala pa naman akong… wala pa naman akong kakaibang sinapit mula sa’yo.. what I mean, not in a bad way but… uggh can we stop this?” the way he speaks right now amused me. Sa mga oras na ito ay nagsisisi akong nabulag ako dahil gustong-gusto kong makita ang hitsura niya ngayon.

“Why stop this? I’m absolutely enjoying this conversation, Riley..” hindi ko na maalis ang ngisi sa aking mukha.

“Leviticus, please…” pagmamakaawa niya.

At dumalas na nga ang pang-aasar ko sa kanya, pero mas madalas na ako pa rin ang naaasar sa bandang huli. Ako itong mas matanda pero may mga pagkakataong hindi ko matanggap ang kanyang sinasabi gaya na lamang nito.

“He looks younger..” komento niya tungkol sa aking kapatid.

Well, technically Legend is younger than me but..

“Am I that too old?” bahagya na akong nakasimangot habang iniisip ang maaaring tumatakbo sa isipan niya.

“Well, ilang taon ka na nga ba?” ito ang unang beses na tanungin niya ako tungkol sa aking…. edad.

Damn.

“I’m thirty..”

Ang matagal na katahimikan niya ay ikinabaliw ko. Anong tumatakbo sa utak niya? Masyado na ba akong matanda? Uugud-ugod na ba ang tingin niya sakin?

“I’m five years younger than you pala.. Sabagay, mukhang mas magka-edad kami ni Sir Legend.” tuluyan na akong tumigil sa pagkain, nawawalan ng gana.

“He’s already 27, two years older than you. You’re not of the same age, Riley.”

Hindi ko alam kung bakit pagdating sa usapang edad ay naiirita ako. Riley thinking that younger guys are better looking pisses me off. And that’s when I began being conscious on how I look.

“L-Lev—”

“Just let me hold you. I want to have a visual of your face..” I begged so that I can touch his face. Sabik na sabik na akong mahawakan siya at kahit ang mukha lang niya. Malakas ang pakiramdam ko na..

Nagtagal ang mga daliri ko sa kanyang mukha. Mula sa kanyang mga mata, ilong, pababa sa kanyang labi. Damn!

“You look so young.” komento ko matapos ang napakatagal na pagkapa sa kanyang mukha.

I feel like he’s rolling his eyes on me.

“Bata pa naman talaga ako.” bwelta niya.

“Do we have any problem with age?” kumunot ang aking noo.

“Nope. I don’t, well do you?” pagbalik niya sa aking tanong. I shook my head.

“I don’t care about age, anyway. But younger is better..” I whispered while thinking about him and what possibly he looks like. I might not be able to see his face but I know that he’s adorable.. and he possibly looks cute.. hmmm..

“What do you mean?”

I snickered. Telling him that I like someone younger confused him. With full acceptance of my age, I really need someone who’s younger than me, who can be childish and add some fun with my boring life.

He still goes to school, and sometimes I would insist to let the driver drive him to school. Minsan ay sumasama rin ako. Bored ako kapag wala siya sa bahay kaya kahit paghatid ay pinipilit ko.

“I get it. You don’t like to be seen with a blind man like me.” pagtatampo ko. Nakakasama man ng loob pero mukhang iyon ang katotohanan.

Who would put up to a blind man like me, though? And with my age? No one! I’m just an additional baggage to someone’s life.

“That is not true, Leviticus.” aniya sa mababang boses.

Nasa loob kami ng sasakyan at nakasuot ako ng sunglasses upang hindi niya ako mas lalong ikahiya.

Pero natigilan ako nang hubarin niya ang sunglasses sa mga mata ko. Pagkatapos ay hinaplos niya ang mukha ko. Damn, what the hell? Once again, I’m having a hard-on, really?

“Your eyes are one of the most beautiful things I have seen, Lev. I am not and will not be ashamed of it. Okay?”

Damn it. Hindi ko alam pero iba na ang kabaliwang nararamdaman ko. Hindi nalang libog ito. Parang iba na. O higit pa roon. Hindi rin ako sigurado pero nang halikan ko siya sa elevator ay nakumpirma kong espesyal na ang turing ko sa kanya.

And he doesn’t just make me horny, he makes me feel things that I haven’t felt for a very long time or maybe haven’t felt at all.

Ngunit kung kailan nakakaramdam ako ng saya ay saka naman niya ako sinimulang layuan. He’s been going home late, ang katwiran niya ay nag-aaral siya para sa mga exams. Bakit hindi siya mag-aral sa bahay kung ganoon? It’s not like I would bug him.

“No, I’m not.” sagot niya nang kornerin ko siya.

“Yeah, you do..”

“No, I am never tensed.” he denied my accusations that he’s tensed around me.

“You are, Riley. I can feel it.”

“Then what you feel is wrong.”

“I’m never wrong about my feelings, Riley.”

“This is about the kiss..” I said as a conclusion to all of his denials.

And then I realized that what I did in the elevator made him like this. Hindi niya siguro nagustuhan na hinalikan ko siya? He’s probably thinking that I’m just a piece of horny bastard who took advantage of him because I let him stay in my house.

“You’re mad..” pinangalanan ko ang maaaring emosyong nararamdaman niya sakin.

“No, I’m not. Hindi ako galit, Levi..”

“Then why are you avoiding me, Riley?” diretsong tanong ko.

Parang dinudurog ang puso ko dahil ang katangi-tanging taong dahilan ng saya ko ay iba ang deskripsyon sa mga ginagawa ko.

“I wish I had the power to ignore you like you ignore me..” binitiwan ko ang mga salitang iyon upang malaman niyang kaya kong itigil ang mga ginagawa ko para lamang bumalik kami sa dati.

And the time came that our relationship went a bit physical. Of course, I’m fooling myself to think like that. It wasn’t just a bit. It’s a full physical relationship and I always get tempted whenever he’s trying to resist me.

“It was real for me. I don’t know what it was for you. But for me, it was real. And it meant more than it should have..” wika ko upang makumbinsi siya nang panahong naghalikan kami.

“It was the first time in years to feel that again, and yet you ignore me.” dagdag ko pa sa malungkot na tono.

It was actually a bit of a lie. I’ve never felt that with Alyanna, my wife. It was an arranged marriage and yeah I fell in love with her but I can’t even compare that to what I feel with Riley.

“I don’t fall easily, Riley. I want you to know that. And the feeling you’re giving me is so rare, it almost exceeded what I felt with my wife before..”

Hindi siya nagsasalita, kaya ginamit ko ang tsansang iyon para ipaintindi sa kanya na seryoso ako sa aking nararamdaman.

“It’s not what you think it is, Leviticus. You’re just alone… and lonely.. and I get it…” sabi niya na ikinatigil ko. Does he… Does he think that..

“You don’t get it. And I’m not fucking lonely. Are you thinking that I might take you for granted just because you think I’m miserable?”

It seems that way. He’s probably under the impression that I’m doing all of this just because I don’t have anyone but myself and I’m lonely and miserable with my life.

“Levi, you know that’s not what I’m thinking. I don’t hate you..” tinabihan niya ako.

“And you don’t like me either.” dugtong ko sa sinabi niya. Sinasaliwa ko na ang lahat ng sinasabi niya.

“I like you, Levi. But…”

“But?”

Ang dami niya laging dahilan. Hindi naman ako namimilit pero malakas ang pakiramdam kong gusto niya rin ako. Nababaliw na nga siguro ako kung ganoon ang naiisip ko..

“Then what is it? Was it the age gap? Do you think I’m too older for yo—”

“Of course not. I will never turn you down just because of your age, Leviticus.”

Kahit paano ay nagalak akong mapakinggan iyon galing sa kanya. Mabilis na nagproseso ang utak ko ng kongklusyon para sa sinabi niya.

“So you like older guys then?”

“Yes! No, I mean…” Damn, you just fucking said it! Don’t lie to me! That’s the only chance I got to make him like me, if he’s really into older guys.

“What I mean is it doesn’t matter to me. You’re thirty years old and it’s totally fine. You can be forty, fifty, or sixty? I don’t care.”

I was glad to hear that but frowned eventually learning that his taste in men are quite… scary… he likes old men but terribly old..

“You can’t be with a man more than my age, Riley. Or even younger than me. Five years gap is what’s best for you.”

At dumating na nga ako sa puntong inaakit ko nalang siya upang bumigay na siya sa akin. He likes playing hard to get so I’m just gonna play it better than him.

“Anong iluluto mo, hmm?” lumapit ako sa kinaroroonan niya bilang pagsisimula ng aking plano, ang akitin siya.

“I’m gonna fry some chicken. Levi, you don’t need to be this close..”

I buried my face on top of his shoulder blades, later on, my bare hands snaked around his waist. Kapag yayakapin ko siya ay madali kong nasasakop ang buong katawan niya. I think I’m a bit massive compared to his body.

“Riley, you know we can be more than this if you just make things less complicated.” panunulsol ko.

“With you doing these things, hugging me, being this close, makes it more complicated, Leviticus.” tugon naman niya.

I heard him chopping something but I stood still and inhaled his scent. Hangga’t maaari ay pinigilan ko ang sariling magkaroon ng epekto sakin itong ginagawa ko. Parang ako pa yata ang naaakit, e.

“I don’t care how complicated this gets, I still want you.”

I started to court him. Kahit ayaw niya ay wala siyang magagawa. And even when I feel too old to do this, I still want him so I would do anything to please him.

“Nangliligaw ka pa lang, Levi. Hindi pa pwede ang halik.” paalala niya nang makailang halik ako sa kanya.

“What? Are you serious?” I hissed.

“I’m serious. Kung gusto mong maging tayo, susunod ka sa mga sasabihin ko.”

Though he’s strict about me, I love it at the same time. He possibly feels that I’m someone who needs to be kept in line.

“Kahit halik, bawal?” ngumuso ako at ikinulong ko siya sa aking mga braso. Ang halikan siya ang pinaka-paborito ko pa namang gawin. Tsk!

“Yes. Kissing is only for couples. Hindi pa naman tayo couple, ’di ba?”

“I don’t think you understand exactly how much I want your lips.” I whispered starting to get impatient. Kung kailan sabik ako ay doon niya ako pinipigilan. Kapag bumigay lang talaga ito ay makakatikim siya sakin, baka araw-arawin ko pa kung sakali.

“Mahahalikan mo lang ulit ako ’pag sinagot na kita.” his marshmallowy voice kept me in line, like what he always do.

“I really want to kiss you, and not just on the lips. Kahit once a day lang, hindi pwede?” pinisil  niya ang aking pisngi pagkatapos.

“Hindi pwede, Leviticus.”

I even hired a personal driver to drive him at school because I can’t always borrow Dante, Legend’s personal driver. At hindi pa niya matanggap na ginawa ko iyon para sa kanya.

“Nangliligaw nga ako, ’di ba? May nangliligaw ba na hinahayaan ang mahal niya sa lansangan mag-isa?”

He coughed after what I said when we’re inside the SUV. Magkatabi kami at nakasabit ang isang braso ko sa ibabaw ng kanyang inuupuan.

“Hindi naman ako mapapano, Levi. I can protect myself. I don’t need anyone’s protection.”

The fuck. I might be hearing things in a different context. Hindi ko mapigilang mapangiti nang isiping ayaw niya ng proteksyon. Don’t worry baby, we will never use condoms once we get into that part. Damn.

From the physical arrangement we both agreed on, actually siya lang ang palagay doon dahil ako’y binawalan niya sa halik. Our relationship transformed in a more naughty and sexual way.

“Gaano ka na ba katagal walang… sex?” natutuwang tanong niya sa akin habang nakaupo ako sa kama at siya’y nakatayo sa harapan ko, hinahaplos ang aking buhok.

“Fuck, don’t even ask me that question.”

Something’s being awakened again, damn it!

“Why not?” his voice turned deeper in a seductive way. I don’t normally curse in tagalog but damn… putangina akit na akit naman ako!

“Stop this, I know what you’re trying to do, Riley. You’re making me break the damn agreement.” matigas kong tugon. I’m still better than what he thinks. I use my upper head rather than…

“If you don’t stop this seduction, I couldn’t help but dream of having sex with you on a regular basis. And thinking of your lips makes me wonder what the rest of you would taste like…” I whispered while licking my lips on a slow manner.

I imagined I’m above him and we’re in a bed, and I’m leaving him hot kisses all over his body, and he’s caressing my crotch, goddamn it! This is getting pornographic. I feel like a wild animal.

“You know what, let’s flip a coin. Heads, I’m yours. Tails, you’re mine. Deal?” pagbibiro ko, so tired of pretending that I’m so invested into this setup. I want a real one, where I can hold, kiss, and touch him.

He chuckled from hearing what I said.

“See? I can even make you laugh. Next time, I will make you moan.” panggagatong ko pa para mas makumbinsi siyang itigil na ang arrangement at sunggaban na ako. Siya lang naman ang tanging nagpapatagal nito.

“I think we should invest more on this project, besides we have enough contractors to get this done..” I heard Leonardo said while skimming a paper on his hand. Dito ginanap sa bahay ang meeting tungkol sa problemang kinakaharap ng kompanya ngayon.

“Some of the contractors pulled out, Leo.” banggit naman ni Legend.

I have a theory in mind on what was going on. It’s always about the competition, and our rival in the construction industry is good at playing dirty tricks just to gain more money and investments.

“Hello, dad?” isang gabing tumawag sa akin si Dad no’ng kasalukuyang nasa kompanya ako.

“I called your home telephone and someone answered the phone. He said that he’s your gardener or something, do gardeners normally answer your telephone Leviticus?” madiing tanong ni Dad.

Napatigil ako sa ginagawa. Riley? He’s talking about Riley? Tumawag siya sa bahay?

“T-That’s probably Riley, dad. He’s a… gardener yeah and a friend of mine. He’s staying with me.” tugon ko, hirap na hirap kung paanong deskripsyon ang gagawin para ipakilala ang pinakamamahal ko.

“I know that. He said he’s living with you. He was kind but are you sure it’s okay with you to live with someone?”

“Yes, dad it’s totally fine. I’m enjoying him..” may inabot sa aking folder ang aking assistant kaya kung anu-ano na ang nasasabi ko sa telepono, nawawala sa tamang wisyo.

“I’m sorry son, you’re enjoying what??”

What the fuck! Did it just slip off my tongue?!

“I-I mean he’s enjoying his stay at my house, dad. At ayos lang din sa akin. He’s helping me with a lot of… things..” well, aside from the kind of ‘things’ I’m thinking right now. I sighed.

“Oh! Okay, let him stay with you then..”

Madali ko namang nabilog ang ulo ni Dad. And when I went home, that’s when I started to love this gardener more.

“What’s that smell?” my coat is hanging on my arm as I stepped closer to his location.

“Nag-aral akong mag-bake.”

He baked an apple pie. I’m just not fully convinced if it really tastes like an apple.

“Are you serious? Bakit mo pa kinakain ’yan? That is rejected!” galit na galit niyang puna.

Kabig-kabig ko ang lalagyan ng pie upang hindi niya maagaw sa akin.

“Hindi masarap.” nakangisi kong tugon habang nginunguya ang kanyang apple pie. But to be honest, it doesn’t really taste good. Pero hindi naman ako maarte at kahit anong iluto niya ay kakainin ko, basta’t gawa at pinaghirapan niya.

At kinabukasan nga ay iritado siya sakin dahil sa apple pie niyang aniya ay ininsulto ko.

“I won’t do it again, I promise..” I leaned towards the edge of the table, closer to him just to forgive me.

“Kahit siguro mangako pang hindi na nila ulit gagawin ’yon, parang nasira na ’yung tiwala ko. Siguro dapat layuan ko nal—”

“Damn it, Riley! I said I’m sorry. Please, don’t get turned off!” hindi ko lubos maisip ang mararamdaman ko kung sakaling ma-turn off nga siya sakin. Yeah, I made fun of him last night but I deeply regret it now. Takot ko nalang na mawala siya sa buhay ko.

“I would rather call you Lev or Levi for short. Ang haba kasi masyado ng pangalan mo..” nagdilim ang emosyon sa aking mukha dahil ayaw niya akong tawagin sa aking buong pangalan.

“Ayaw mo nang nahahabaan ka?” may tamang diin sa bawat salita ko, ’di ko alam kung ba’t ito ang naiisip ko.

“Oo. Nakakapagod kapag mahaba masyado.”

Kanina pa siya kumakain samantalang ako’y hindi pa ginagalaw ang pagkain. Pero nabulunan kaagad ako nang marinig iyon sa kanya. Damn. I might be… long for him but… damn, do I have to… why do I have to be thick and long?!

“Once you give in to me, you’ll get used to longer things.” sambit ko nang mawala ang aking ubo.

“Not just longer, but bigger things.” dagdag ko pa upang ma-gets niya ang ibig kong sabihin pero sa huli ay wala pa rin siyang ideya. He’s such a slowpoke but I still adore him.

“Riley, we’re not gonna fix anything if you don’t talk to me. Kung boyfriend mo na siguro ako, hindi pwede sakin ’to. Pero dahil nangliligaw pa rin ako, sige pagbibigyan ko.” nagbago na ang tono ng boses ko nang bigkasin ko ’yun dahil naabutan niya akong kasama si Selena sa bahay.

Naipaliwanag ko rin naman sa kanya kung sino si Selena sa buhay ko at kung bakit ko siya ginagamit.

“Why are you hugging me? Tsansing ka ha?” pilit kong itinago ang ngiti ko, nakayakap ako sa kanya habang inaahitan niya ako. This is the time that I became his official boyfriend.

“You asked me to stay still, mas pipirmi ako kapag nakahawak ako sa’yo..” I murmured nonchalantly, ignoring his resistance.

“Hawak lang pero parang ahas na nakalingkis ’yang mga braso mo?” napapangiti nalang ako sa pagpuna niya sa paglalambing ko. I don’t normally do this before, ewan ko ba’t kusang gumagalaw ang mga kamay ko. That’s his effect on me.

“She surely misses you too, Levi..” pagpapagaan niya sa aking loob nang mapag-usapan namin ang aking anak. I miss Levianna so much, it’s been so long since I last saw her. And now, I couldn’t see and meet her.

I planted a kiss on top of his head. Riley is the love who came without warning. And he had my heart before I could say no. And for once in my life, I don’t have to try to be happy, because when I’m with him… it just happens..

“You know what I feel for you is more than love, right?” nakadantay ang ulo niya sa aking balikat.

“I wasn’t looking for anything at all when I met you. Actually, I wasn’t planning on falling for someone so soon. But then I met you. And that was it. I guess things just happened. I found you and I found myself slowly wanting to spend time with you. It was simple. It was easy. And I think that’s how the best relationships begin. You’re not looking for anything and then suddenly you realize, you have something…”

Totoo ang lahat ng iyon. Wala naman talaga akong hinahanap noon, hanggang sa dumating siya, at pakiramdam ko’y nahanap ko ang isang taong hindi ko pa man hinahanap pero dumating na.

“Sugar lips?” tanong niya nang unang beses ko siyang tawaging gano’n.

I was still wearing my formal attire, kauuwi ko lang dahil sa kompanya ako nagpalipas ng gabi, I found him sleeping on the living room the next day.

“Yeah, I wanna call you sugar lips.. ’Cause your lips taste so sweet…like sugar..” I left tiny kisses on his neck. Kaya ko siguro siyang halikan buong araw, ang labi niya’y natural na matamis kaya ayaw ko itong tigilan madalas.

“Can I call you sugar daddy, then?” I pursed my lips. So I really look old to him, huh? Sugar daddies are white haired and have big tummies, so I confidently believe I don’t belong in that group.

“Sugar daddy is for old men. And I’m not that old. Don’t call me that.” pinisil niya ang aking pisngi.

“How about sugardada? Or daddy nalang? Papi? Paps?” mas lalo akong naasar sa mga suggestions niya. Kahit iritado ay napapangiti ako, baliw na baliw na talaga ako.

“H-Hoy? Anong ginagawa mo rito sa loob?” tanong niya nang pasukin ko siya sa kanyang bathroom. The whole space smells like lavender, damn that’s the scent I love about him.

“Let’s talk here…” sumandal ako sa pader, dinig ko ang tubig na nanggagaling sa bathtub. It suddenly crossed my mind if he’s naked right now.

“Nababaliw ka na ba, Leviticus? Bakit dito tayo sa banyo mag-uusap? Hindi ba ’yan makakapaghintay?” pagsusungit na naman niya.

“Ayaw mo akong kausapin doon sa labas e. Kaya dito nalang. We can even talk while having shower together..” nagsusumamo kong tugon habang ini-imagine siyang hubad ngayon at sabay kaming maliligo.

“Looks like we can’t fit here together…” puna ko nang saluhan ko siya sa kanyang bathtub. Pero masyado akong malaking bulas para roon. I even heard the water overflowing.

“E kasi ang laki mo, sumisiksik ka pa rito.” I licked my lips as I tried to fit in. I buffered for a moment too by what he said.

“Kapag malaki talaga, mahilig sumiksik..” nakatanggap ako ng mahinang suntok galing sa kanya. I chuckled after, wondering why he’s so pissed more than me eh ako itong hindi magkasya sa tub.

We made love that night and the next morning. I just couldn’t get enough of him. Hindi ako nagsasawa, mas lalo pa akong nahahalina kapag gagawin namin iyon. Right now, he should be used to my “size”. Ilang ulit namin iyong ginawa para masanay siya.

Months have passed and the problem at the company is getting more serious. We lost a lot of investments, and some of our shareholders pulled out. And then the hearsays about a spy spreaded out like a big scoop of news.

And then the shooting incident happened. Ang alam ko ay may nagtangka sa buhay ni Riley, hindi ko pa sigurado kung ano ang motibo pero abo’t abot ang pag-aalala ko.

“He was at the Gracianos but we’re not really sure if what is he up to..” Legend told us the night that Riley didn’t come home.

“Isn’t it obvious?! He’s the one behind it! He’s living here, at dito niya posibleng nakuha ang mga confidential information! Anyway, he looks treacherous and he’s obviously being paid by the Gracianos and you at the same time. Mukhang pera!” my secretary butted in.

“We don’t have any proof to decla—”

“Well, it’s damn obvious! Ano pa ba ang maaaring pakay niya roon? He’s secretly having business with them!” dagdag pa ni Liz.

“Shut it, Liz!” my voice thundered.

Sumasakit ang ulo ko dahil sa nangyayari, dumagdag pa ang mga panghuhusga nila kay Riley. He won’t do terrible things like that, I know and I trust him.

“Did you try to call his phone, kuya?” baling ni Legend sa akin. I have tried so many times calling Riley’s number but he’s not answering the phone.

Sa mga sumunod na araw ay hindi pa rin siya bumabalik. I was at the office when I heard some noise outside. Parang may nag-aaway.

“What’s happening here?” lumabas ako at narinig ang matinis na boses ng aking sekretarya.

“S-Sir! The fucking mole is here!” Liz shouted.

What mole is she talking about?

“Who?” kumunot ang aking noo.

“The spy! He’s here again to snitch on you!”

Is she talking about…. Riley? He’s here??

“Call the guards..” utos ko habang iniisip na muling makakatakas sa akin si Riley. I’d never let go of him again kaya kahit bakuran siya ay gagawin ko.

But unfortunately, he was able to get out of the building. The surveillance team said that he went outside the building and a black van was waiting for him.

It was also the same day that my family visited me with Selena’s parents, nasa States noong nakaraan si Mom pero ngayon ay nakauwi na ito. But I was held at the company during the night that they visited. I received a call from Selena that night.

“R-Riley went here a while ago, Levi…” bungad niya kaya nawala ako sa konsentrasyon at nakuha niya ang buong atensyon ko.

“W-What?! Where is he??” tumayo ako mula sa aking swivel chair. Pinagpapawisan na ako dahil sa kaba at antisipasyon.

“He’s gone, Levi. I didn’t let him in, your parents are here and mine too. And they all think that h-he’s the one spying on you..”

Hinilot ko ang aking sintido dahil sa nalaman. Situations always brought us away from each other. Gusto kong magalit kay Selena sa ginawa niya pero wala rin siyang choice kundi gawin ’yon.

“That gardener backstabbed you, Leviticus! We visited you because of what is happening.” ani Dad nang makauwi ako kinabukasan.

“Who is this gardener? Legend, did you hire another househelp for your brother? You should have done some background check or something first before hiring whoever that is.” pahayag naman ni Mom.

After that day, Riley totally disappeared. He never came back. I got so devastated and miserable again. Like everything went back to the beginning. I was all alone. He probably left me because of the issues people throwing at him. And he doesn’t want to associate himself to me anymore. And I can’t even control it, damn! I’m such a useless boyfriend.

“Kuya, naglalasing ka na naman..” isang gabing bumisita si Legend sa bahay.

Hindi ko na nabilang kung pang-ilang bote na ng alak ang nainom ko. Gustong-gusto kong takasan ang pakiramdam ng pag-iisa pero kahit alak ay hindi kayang pawiin ang pangungulila ko.

Tears silently fell down from my eyes. Pinahid ko iyon at suminghot. Legend is probably watching me right now and I looked like a mess, or more than mess. I need to hold myself together.

“Wala pa rin ba?” naghihintay ako lagi ng balita kay Legend kapag bibisita siya sa bahay. Pero sa bawat katahimikang natatanggap ko mula sa kanya ay mabilis kong naiintindihan ang sagot sa mga tanong ko.

Kahit iniwan ako ni Riley ay hindi ko magawang magalit sa kanya. He’s been my lifeline and I couldn’t live without him. Now that he’s not here beside me, the past few weeks didn’t feel like living to me. It was a torture. It was hell.

“Anything?” sinamahan ako ni Legend na um-attend ng isang graduation, nasa pinakadulo kami at ang kapatid ko ang nagmamasid sa paligid.

“He’s not here..” pinanghinaan na naman ako ng loob. Tinapik niya ang balikat ko nang magpasya kaming umalis doon.

Kahit sa libing ng kaibigan niya, hindi siya dumalo. Kahit wala kaming kinalaman sa nangyaring insidente ay sinagot ko ang lahat ng gastos sa funeral ng kanyang kaibigan. Riley was alive because of him, and I’m grateful for the heroism he did. Even though Riley’s far away from me, knowing that he’s alive calms me down. Kahit mas masaya siya kung wala ako sa tabi niya, basta’t ligtas lang siya ay ayos na ako.

After two years of loneliness, I underwent a transplant to replace my corneas. Matagal din akong nagpagaling sa bahay. Nang marinig ko ang balitang maaari pang maibalik ang paningin ko ay ibang tuwa ang idinulot nito sakin.

If I’m gonna be able to see again and escape the darkness that had consumed my eyes for a long time, there’s a greater chance that I could find the love of my life again. Hindi ko man alam kung anong hitsura niya, pero alam kong malalaman ko kung paano ko siya makikilala. He left me with so much memories and even just his breathing, I know how it sounds.

“Bali-balita na may nawawalang anak ’yong may-ari ng Gracianos, hindi kaya…..” bumisita si Legend sa bahay habang nag-tsa-tsaa ako.

I looked at him straight into his eyes. Ngayon, malinaw na ang paningin ko, kitang-kita na ang lahat, ngunit ang pinakagusto kong makita ay siya namang wala.

“Hindi, e. Imposible ’yon. But the chances are…. still…. what do you think, kuya?” bumaling siya sakin.

I sighed. There’s no way that Riley is associated with the Gracianos. He couldn’t do that to me. Alam ni Legend na hindi ako sumasang-ayon sa sinasabi niya. It would be so stupid to ask me if I think Riley snitched behind my back.

Ilang beses ding bumisita ang mga magulang ni Selena kasama ang aking anak. Bilang kabayaran upang makapiling ko ang aking anak ay gusto nilang pakasalan ko ang natitirang anak nila.

“L-Levi, I’m so sorry about this. I have a boyfriend and I’m afraid if they know about it.” aniya nang nasa bahay, nagkapaliwanagan kami na wala siyang gusto sa akin.

“But I heard they will let you focus on your treatment for now.”

Six months have passed. Tuluyan nang gumaling ang mga mata ko. Bumalik na ako sa pagta-trabaho. Nakabawi na ang aming negosyo dahil sa pagbili ko sa kalahati ng pag-aari ng mga Del Grandes. At ang balita pa sakin nitong kapatid ko ay may planong suyuin ng Gracianos ang mga Del Grandes.

“Look, according sa profile na nahanap ko, the long lost son of the Gracianos who is now the owner of their business, is a twenty-eight year old guy.” binabasa ni Legend ang tablet niya.

Napanguso ako. He’s so into the idea that Riley might be biologically related to the Gracianos. Pero sa anong basehan, na kapareho iyon ng edad ngayon ni Riley?

“He’s not the only twenty-eight years old in the world, Lej..” tugon ko sa kanya. Sumimsim ulit ako sa aking tsaa.

“Nakapagtataka rin naman na wala ni isang larawan dito. Malakas ang pakiramdam kong may itinatago ang mga ito..”

Umismid ako upang lingunin siya. Legend has been helping me find Riley. He knows about our relationship. Nalaman niya noong mga panahong lasing ako at aksidente kong naamin sa kanya.

“Then set up an appointment with them, para malaman mo.” suhestiyon ko sa kanya kaya awtomatikong umangat ang kanyang ulo.

“How?”

Muli akong nagbuntong-hininga. Siya itong may hinala pero wala naman siyang ka-plano-plano.

“Gracianos are pursuing the Del Grandes, and we own the Del Grandes.. that’s the clue, Legend.”

His expression was surprised when he got what I meant. That was our first attempt to stalk the owner of the Gracianos. I couldn’t do it myself because I would just get disappointed and hurt again if I don’t see him.

“What? Did you see him?!” sinundan ko ang lakad ni Legend nang makabalik siya sa bahay pagkatapos ng meeting sa mga Gracianos. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako kinakabahan dahil sa mukha niyang seryoso at pagod.

He slouched on the sofa on the living room and looked up at me. Ngumiwi siya at parang may ideya na ako sa sasabihin niya. “N-No, he wasn’t there..” sagot niya.

Tumango-tango ako pero ngumiti rin. Iyon nalang ang kaya kong gawin kapag nasasaktan ako, ang magpanggap na ayos lang.

“Are you sure?” pangungulit ko. But the way he evades my eyes is quite… suspicious.

“Y-Yeah, I’m sure kuya. Look, I have to catch a flight. Kailangan ko nang umalis.” tumayo siya ngunit ’di pa rin gumaganti ng tingin sa akin.

Hinablot ko ang braso niya bago siya tuluyang makaalis. I know he’s hiding something from me. He shook his head and forced himself to look at me.

“F-Fine! He’s….” huminga siya nang malalim habang masama akong nakatingin sa kanya, nag-aabang sa kanyang sasabihin. “He’s Richard Bailey Graciano now..” aniya kaya nabitiwan ko ang kanyang braso at napangisi ako na parang nasisiraan ng ulo.

When I thought the world is too big to find someone, it’s just a small world after all.

—

a/n : Sorry I have to cut it to this, I realized one chapter isn’t enough to fit this all in. Second part of epilogue will be published soon :)

Epilogue 2.0

This is the second half of Epilogue. Enjoy!

Leviticus

I looked at the ceiling while I’m laying down on the bed, Riley’s bed actually. Ito ang guest room na tinutuluyan niya noon. Hindi ko ginalaw ang mga naiwang kagamitan niya, kaya ang pagkaka-ayos noon ay pareho pa rin. Even the fabrics of the bedsheet and pillowcases exude his scent. Niyakap ko ang unan at inisip na katawan niya ang hinahaplos ko.

Damn, Leviticus. You’re still fucking smitten. I shook my head successively thinking that even a pillow could make me this aroused. Just sniffing the remnants of his scent awakes something in me. I don’t know anymore if this is still because of longing or just simply because I’m horny.

Horny, it is. Or both?

Binato ko ang unan at naupo sa dulo ng kama, hinihilot ang aking magkabilang sintido. I should get a life or something.

Dahil nakaupo na ako ay napansin ko ang umbok sa gitna ng aking boxer shorts. Damn, see?! I’m so fucking turned on just because this room reminds me of him.

“Damn it, sugar lips…” umiling-iling ulit ako. Anong ginawa mo sakin, Riley? At bakit ganito nalang ang epekto mo sakin? Kahit wala ka sa tabi ko, tinitigasan pa rin ako sa alaala mo.

Giving up to my own indecent thoughts, I pulled down my boxers and caressed my crotch lightly, creating a rhythm. I’m so fucking aroused and I don’t need to do more just to get it on hard mode. It sprang free and the top of it has some precum already.

I lost my rationality and I began masturbating while I’m thinking of Riley and the memories of our hot lovemaking. The way he moaned my name, the way I penetrated him.. the way his nails dugged into my back, the way he urged me to do him faster and deeper…. goddamn it!

“Fuck! Riley!”

Without ten minutes of back-and-forth masturbating, I exploded. But after it, I noticed it was still hard. I switched hands and now I’m using my nondominant hand, I tried different strokes and rubbed and squeezed my throbbing maleness.

My dominant hand travelled to my chest, directly to my nipple and play with it.

“Ohhhhh… yeahhh… dammmnnn..”

I moaned softly as pleasure embraced my whole system. Though I can’t compare what I’m feeling right now to what I felt with Riley, for now I can resort to this. I goddamn feel like a sex-depraved man doing this.

Ilang oras pa ang lumipas na puro ganoon lang ang ginagawa ko. Nagpahinga ako pagkatapos nang biglang mag-ring ang aking cellphone. I rolled my eyes as I answered the call.

“What?!” iyon agad ang bungad ko sa kabilang linya dahil alam ko na kung sino iyon.

“You sound so bored, kuya. Just wanna remind you for the upcoming business expo tomorrow..” ani Legend. He always kept reminding me about it, but I don’t feel like coming. Siya dapat ang dadalo roon, pero dahil nasa ibang bansa siya ngayon ay ako ang pinapapunta niya.

“What about it?” bagot kong tugon habang isinusuot pabalik ang aking boxers pero naalala kong naroon pa ang… katas ko.. damn..

“Bukas na ’yon kuya paulit-ulit? You’re the representative of the Torralbas, so you should come.” pangangaral ni Legend na akala mo ay siya ang mas matanda saming dalawa.

With the help of some tissue papers, I wiped off the sticky fluid on my…. whatever.. this is fucking disgusting.. this is the fruit of my sex depravation.

“And I saw on the list that…” dugtong ni Legend habang abala ako sa ginagawa, “Riley will be the representative of the Gracianos.” that very line stopped me from moving.

Riley will be the representative for the Gracianos.

“Alright, I’ll… come..” tugon ko saka binaba ang tawag na walang pagdadalawang-isip.

Damn. It felt like all my prayers were already answered. Three years of isolation is enough. Three years of Riley-free is enough. Starting tomorrow, things are gonna change. I’m gonna do everything on my power to win him back, because he is mine.

Kinabukasan, nilakad ko ang daan patungo sa pamosong The Manila Hotel, wearing an all black suit and tie. I got here more than an hour early. Sa ikatlong palapag ako nanatili habang nakadungaw sa balcony, the venue is set in an open roof area kaya kita ko ang lahat sa ibaba. The wide swimming pool is in the middle, and staffs are still preparing to set the tables and the buffet section.

Fifteen minutes ago, bumaba ako upang hanapin ang designated seat ni Riley. Richard Bailey Graciano ang kanyang totoong pangalan ayon kay Legend, at nang mahanap ko ang upuan niya ay tinandaan ko ang pwesto nito.

And I thought of a silly idea, I searched for my designated seat and it was found on the other side, far away from Riley’s seat. Nagmanman ako sa paligid, sa mga staff na abala sa ginagawa at saka ko hinatak ang aking upuan patungo sa kabila. Plano ko sanang itabi ang upuan ko sa upuan ni Riley ngunit naalala kong makikilala niya ako at baka tumakas pa siya sa akin kapag nangyari ’yon. So instead of placing my seat on his table, I placed it somewhere near, just one table apart from him para matanaw ko pa rin siya.

From the balcony, I looked down, observing each visitor below to check if they somewhat resemble someone familiar. But what am I looking for anyway? I don’t even know what Riley looks like. He’s maybe… slim and.. uhhh I don’t know his complexion, maybe he’s fairer than me? And he’s probably gorgeous, I’m pretty sure.

Para na akong espiya sa ginagawa kong ito. Habang nasa gitna pa ako ng obserbasyon ay biglang nagring ang aking telepono. I cursed silently when I saw Legend’s name again on the screen.

“What?!” gigil kong bungad nang sagutin ang tawag.

“I’m just checking on you. Gumayak ka na ba? The expo will start in an hour, I suppose you’re getting yourself ready?” I rolled my eyes as I looked down again, eyeing the people around and checking if I missed anything.

“Yeah… nagbibihis na ako. I’ll be there before it starts.” sagot ko kahit na higit isang oras pa ang nalalabi ay narito na agad ako sa venue. Damn it.

“Good. If ever Riley shows up, say hi to him for me.” utos pa niya bago matapos ang conversation namin.

While holding my phone on my hands, lumingon ulit ako sa ibaba. Most of the staffs are still preparing, but I noticed one guy in an expensive suit walking towards the buffet section. He’s talking to a female server and showed the box he was bringing. Hindi ko makita ang kanyang mukha, tanging ang buhok lang nito ang nakikita ko.

Time flew so fast, ilang minuto nalang at magsisimula na ang expo. Bumaba na ako sa venue dahil nagsisidatingan na ang mga tao. Unang hakbang ko pa lang papasok ng garden ay may sumalubong na sa aking kakilala.

“The one and only Leviticus Torralba, it’s good to see you dear..” an old woman greeted me, beside her is her husband.

“Nice to meet you.”

We chatted for a bit about their agribusiness. They are well known for their farm machinery, as well as marketing and retail sales.

I passed by the buffet section but two young women blocked my way.

“Hi! Jessie Montecarlo of Montecarlo Industries, and you are?” balot ng makapal na makeup ang mukha nito. She also wears an expensive golden necklace on her neck. Ang katabi niyang babae ay nakatingin rin sa akin na parang isa akong kayamanan dahil sa kumikinang nilang mga mata.

“Leviticus Amedeo Torralba..” maikling pakilala ko, hindi na sana ako magtatagal ngunit naglahad ang mga ito ng kamay. I don’t have any other choice but to shake their hands.

“I’m Romina Villasis of Villasis Group of Companies..” the other woman introduced herself, though I was shaking her hand, my eyes gazed towards the guy in an expensive suit walking towards the mini-bar.

He has this paper white skin and he looks a bit…. soft.. I don’t know why that’s the first thing I thought. And I don’t know why I need to follow him with my eyes.

“U-Uhh…” the woman stuttered in front of me when my attention wasn’t on them.

Since two women blocked my way, more people scattered around me for unknown reason. Damn. Most of them are smiling at me, though I’m not interested in chatting with any of them.

Pagkatapos ng limang minuto na sila lang ang nagsasalita, sinubukan kong magpaalam sa kanila, nang hindi sila tuminag ay hinawi ko na sila upang makaahon ako sa dagat ng mga tao.

Damn. Pinagpagan ko ang aking coat, sakaling nadumihan o nagusot ito. I finger-combed my hair and tightened my necktie, I need to look good in front of Riley, once I get to know him.

Daydreaming, I was strolling beside the pool when I bumped accidentally into someone. It happened so fast that my arm served as a support for him not to fall on the ground. It happened as if it was all natural, my reflexes are all habitual.

“Careful..” I whispered while holding him in the waist. Dumapo sa kanyang mukha ang mga mata ko. He’s the soft-looking guy I noticed a while ago. Soft as a marshmallow, damn. He’s somewhat weirdly staring into my eyes like he’s surprised or something. My eyes travelled down on his lips, thin and tender lips that looked so… unrealistically soft. Like of a marshmallow, damn. And the way I carried him in my arm, it felt so nostalgic.

Nagtagal kami sa ganoong posisyon, I moved closer when I smelled something so familiar… hindi pa man ako tapos hanapin ang halimuyak na iyon ay itinulak na niya ako. Lumapat ang palad niya sa aking dibdib at para akong…. nakuryente.

But I could tell before he pushed me away, I could only smell that type of distinct scent from someone so familiar. It was Riley’s scent. This is him, I’m damn sure!

Napansin kong nahulog ang hawak niyang cellphone sa lupa ngunit ’di niya inalintana iyon. To get out of the awkward silence, I tried to search his phone on the ground. I gave it to him when I found it.

“Phone?”

He took the phone in my hand with his obviously shaky hands, like he’s somewhat nervous.

My eyes levelled on his. He has this flawless skin and extremely soft features, maganda ang hugis ng mga mata niyang nangungusap, ang ilong ay may katamtamang taas, at ang mga labi niya na nang-aagaw ng aking atensyon. I was right from the very start, he’s… gorgeous.. Damn, can I keep him again?

Nagtatalo ang puso’t isipan ko na kausapin siya, ngunit nanaig ang aking utak. If he still wants me, he would introduce himself to me and let me know that he’s the Riley I used to know. But without any hi or hello, tinalikuran niya ako at nagtungo sa isang table sa nagmamadaling lakad.

What was that? Not even a thank you? Did I do anything wrong? Ayaw niya bang makilala ko siya? Ayaw na niya sakin? Do I look… too old for him? Did I get uglier now? Did he find someone hotter or sexier than me? Younger than me?

Damn, I wish I could turn back time. I was confident with how I look… before.. but now… maybe I look like a stupid old man.

When everyone around me seems interested, but the one I see interesting doesn’t seem to pay attention, this is one of the fucked up realities in life. Only Riley could ever resist me. What the hell is wrong with me?

At this point, I realized that the hardest thing in life is finding somebody you can’t live without, and then living without them. Damn.

As time progressed, I had a hard time finding my designated seat due to the sea of people everywhere. Hindi ko na rin maalala kung saan ko nailagay ang aking upuan, all I know is it’s one table apart from Riley. But he’s sitting somewhere else. I got confused.

That was the time that I asked help from one of the staffs.

“Over here, Sir..” tinuro nito kung saan ang designated seat ko, the same table with… Riley.. Damn, what happened with the seating arrangement?

“Thank you.” I murmured on the staff as I pulled the chair in front of Riley, no choice but to sit on it. Sa aming dalawa, ako pa ang mas kinakabahan.

Nang magtama ang paningin namin, agad siyang nag-iwas ng tingin sakin. Now, what? He’s making it obvious that he doesn’t like my presence, even talk or look at me, what the hell is wrong with him? Or there’s really something wrong with me?!

Due to the frustrating feeling enveloping me, I poured a wine on the glass and sipped on it to release my stress. This is ridiculous that he could stress me like this on our first encounter after how many years.

Iwas na iwas ang tingin ko sa aking harapan, I feel the nerves on my neck numbing. Damn, I’m pretty sure this is gonna end stiff. Fuck.

“The mighty Leviticus Torralba, we’re not expecting to see you here tonight..” iyon ang mga pagkakataong napalingon ako sa isang lalaking katabi ni Riley, hindi ko napansin na kasalo pala namin sa mesa. Sawyer Del Grande, beside him is his cousin Weston Del Grande.

“What made you come?” Weston asked.

Mabibigat ang mga tinging ipinukol ko sa dalawa. I’m not personally close with them, but because of our business combined, I have to show congeniality. Riley seems to be listening to the conversation.

“Legend’s abroad, so…” tipid kong tugon dahil madali naman nilang maiintindihan ang karugtong ng sasabihin ko. At isa pa, wala akong ganang makipag-usap sa iba, iisang tao lang dito ang sabik kong kausapin pero ’di ko magawa.

However, Riley still has this bothered look on his face. It’s quite offensive to me since he’s making me feel unimportant since the time we met, not that I would like him to praise me or worship me or kiss my feet or whatever, but if at least he could acknowledge my existence I would really appreciate it.

He’s young and he looks good and attractive, or maybe a little more attractive to me. And here I am, old and useless, unattractive, and it feels like anyone won’t see me the way Riley used to see me, but he grew tired of me so I need to bottle up my emotions to myself.

There were speakers at the front. I tried to listen to their speeches but my mind is clouded with so many thoughts. Hindi nagtagal ay biglang tumayo si Riley sa kanyang kinauupuan, sa hindi kalayuan ay may kinausap siya sa telepono.

I sighed. Para akong pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa. I was excited a while ago but now I feel so small, a tiny speck of dust, unimportant, a complete fool to think that Riley is still into me. But look at him, he can’t even look at me in the face.

I lazily took my phone out when it rang, I murmured sorry to the people around who heard my loud ringtone, then answered the unregistered number flashing on the screen.

“Leviticus Torralba, speaking…” bagot kong sinabi sa kabilang linya. Pero wala akong ibang narinig na boses, aside sa ingay ng background nito.

“Hello?” I asked and looked at the number again on the screen.

Silence, still. Nanahimik ako at pinakinggan ang background, the same background that I could hear… nagawi ang paningin ko sa kinaroroonan ni Riley, saktong nagtama ang tingin namin, napansin kong may kausap pa rin siya sa telepono. I must be out of my mind to think that… never mind.

Bumuntong hininga ako nang kusang mamatay ang tawag. Thinking maybe some prank caller unfortunately got my number.

When Riley went back to our table, I noticed his face a bit… flushing. He looked so adorable right now and I want to pinch his cheeks and hug him and plant a kiss on his lips and to every other parts of his body. Damn…

Timpi lang, Levi. Kaya mo ’yan. Just… ignore him..

“You okay?” Sawyer asked him, palihim akong nagmamasid sa kanilang dalawa. See? How could I ignore him?

“Ye—” nabitin ang sagot niya sa hindi ko malamang dahilan, or maybe he’s prohibiting himself from speaking so that I won’t hear his voice.

Right now between us two, he’s become more transparent and I could read what’s on his mind. He’s trying to hide the old Riley because I might identify him but he won’t like it because he’s…. not in love with me anymore. That simple.

“We never thought that Legend would be outside the country, kaya rin pala nagmamadali siya no’ng umalis noong huling kita namin.” nakuha ni Weston ang aking atensyon, kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya.

“Huling kita?” kuryosong tanong ko at bumaling sa kanya.

“Yeah, we were at the Gracianos the last time. Oh! Speaking of, have you two met?” wika ni Sawyer na bumaling naman kay Riley at pagkatapos ay sa akin. Unconsciously, I gazed at Riley who seemed to be so uninterested.

Muli akong nakaramdam ng pait. Ignore him, damn!

“This is Richard Bailey Graciano of Graciano Constructions, we and your brother met him two days ago..” Sawyer introduced him to me. It’s funny that someone so fucking familiar is being introduced to me.

I composed myself and hid the frustration embracing me. Swallowing my ego just to give it a chance, maybe he’s unsure of what to feel towards me. Maybe I could enlighten him?

“Leviticus Amedeo Torralba, pleasure to meet you..” I approached him and even offered my hand for a handshake. Pero napansin kong nagtagal ang tingin niya sa aking kamay, parang walang balak na tanggapin iyon.

In a split second, he shook my hand. Naiwan pa sa ere ang aking kamay nang bitawan niya ito. I smirked with sarcasm after that. Ganoon niya ako ka-disgusto para pandirihan niya ang aking kamay? Back then, he just kissed every part of my body, even sucked all of me, and now he’s… disgusted?

Unti-unti kong binaba ang aking kamay at mariing tumingin sa kanya.

Ilang oras pa ang lumipas, we watched some presentations performed by the hotel’s staffs, and more speakers were introduced, but I was absent-minded the whole time. I’m so… hungry… and thirsty… not from food or water.. but from something else..

I’m frustrated and aroused at the same time. This is crazy!

When the two Del Grandes stood up to go to the comfort room, I realized I was left alone with Riley.. but when he realized it too, he stood up from his seat. Sinundan ko siya ng tingin hanggang sa makarating siya sa buffet table sa hindi kalayuan.

But when I thought I’m losing hope, the more he resists, the more I get challenged. I gritted my teeth and decided to stand up. I followed his footsteps toward the buffet section. He’s already getting himself something to eat when I took a plate and utensils behind him.

As the wind gushed through our direction, his usual scent of vanilla and lavender hit my nostrils. Damn, even that scent could make me feel lascivious.

Hindi pa man ako nakakakuha ng aking pagkain ay lumapit ako sa kanyang likuran at palihim na sininghot ang kanyang halimuyak. Damn! I can’t get enough of it. If I could just bring him home so that I could cuddle with him.

“The foods look so delicious..” puri ko kunwari habang nakangusong tinitignan ang tray ng sausage rolls. From now on, I’m a hundred percent sure that he knows I’m trying to steal his attention.

I saw him asking a male server to put a salad on his plate. When the server looked at me, I raised my brows at him. Don’t you dare, boy.

“Didn’t know the one running the Graciano’s business is… still young…” dagdag ko pa upang malaman niyang kating-kati na akong kausapin niya. Alam naman niya siguro na siya ang kinakausap ko, ’di ba?

As time goes by, I’m getting closer and when he glanced back, he caught me sniffing him. Agad akong nag-iwas ng tingin upang hindi siya makahalata.

“Thank you.” tugon ko sa babaeng server na naglagay ng pagkain sa aking pinggan. Wala na akong pakialam kung anong klase ng pagkain ang nailalagay sa plato ko dahil ang buong atensyon ko ay nasa kanya.

Nang makarating sa bandang dulo ng buffet table ay kumuha siya ng inuming iced tea at saka nagpasyang bumalik na sa aming table.

“Excuse me..” hinabol ko siya, mabagal ang paglalakad niya pero hindi niya ako pinansin.

I sighed, damn he’s testing my patience. Is he really gonna pretend that I’m invisible?

“Do we… Are we good?” tanong ko pa, kung ganito siyang makitungo sa akin ngayon, ibig sabihin hindi pa rin siya nakaka-move on hanggang ngayon? Galit ba siya sakin?

Consistently not speaking any word, he nodded instead as an answer.

“We’re good?” ulit ko, hindi ko ma-gets kung anong nararamdaman niya sakin, kung galit ba o mas higit pa roon?

Umismid siya at saka tumango nang mas mabilis upang ipaalam sa aking okay kami.

“We’re good but you’re not talking..” puna ko.

He walked faster than usual obviously just to get away from me. Mabilis akong sumunod sa mga hakbang niya. Nang makarating sa table ay ibinaba niya ang dalang pinggan at baso, nagmamasid lang  ako sa ikinikilos niya. Eventually he took out his phone and typed something on it. What is he doing? Is he gonna pretend busy? Call someone?

Later on he showed me the screen of his phone and I read what’s written on it.

“I am mute, can’t talk.” it says.

It confused me at first, and then I can’t help but smirk. I tried so hard to control it but this is just amusing. And he looked so damn cute. Damn it.

Padabog siyang naupo dahil sa iritasyon, kitang-kita ko iyon sa mga mata niya. Just to get rid of me, he really could pretend that he’s mute? This is ridiculous. There’s no way I’m gonna buy it.

I took out my phone too and type something that says.. “Saw you talking on the phone earlier, no way you are mute.”

I sat down while controlling a grin on my face. Kinuha ko pabalik ang aking cellphone nang makuntento ako sa reaksyon niya nang mabasa niya iyon. If his face was a bit red a while ago, now he just turned into a complete tomato.

“Have we met before? I mean, did we have a fight or something?” I asked him casually and started eating the food on my plate.

Still, he’s not speaking. He started eating as well when we got interrupted by the Del Grandes.

“I’m so damn hungry…” Weston murmured.

“Nauna na pala kayo rito, e..” puna ni Sawyer sa aming dalawa na parehong tahimik na kumakain. But then Riley stole Sawyer’s attention and gave him a sweet smile. Ginantihan siya nito ng ngiti. Really, in front of me?!

The two Del Grandes started eating as well. They talked about business, minsan akong nasasali sa usapan. Now that we own half of their stocks and other assets, we can proceed with the three-way merger with the Montenegros.

I wiped my lips with a table napkin, nauna akong matapos sa pagkain. Napansin kong hindi pa nangangalahati ang pagkain ni Riley samantalang ang dalawa ay kasisimula pa lamang.

And then the female servers came, bringing two covered plates and were served in front of the Del Grandes.

“Oh! What is this?” tanong ni Weston na nakangiting pinagmasdan ang hinain. Natuon na roon ang atensyon ko.

“That’s a special apple pie, Sir. Si Mr. Graciano pa po ang nag-bake niyan..” the female server smiled so wide while glancing at Riley.

Naningkit ang mga mata ko roon sa plato. Apple pie? He baked an apple pie for this…

“You baked this?” Sawyer asked in delight, still looking at the pie on the plate. I licked my lower lip as I stared at it. He then nodded at Sawyer as an answer to his question.

Huh, so he really made it for these guys. For what? To get their attention? Does he have any freaking infatuation towards these guys? Who? Sawyer? Weston? Or both of them? Damn!

“Hmm! This is delicious..” komento ni Weston, nguya-nguya pa ang piraso ng pie sa kanyang bibig.

“Yeah, this tastes so good. Marunong ka pala ng mga ganito?” Sawyer asked once again.

Riley won’t even look or glance at me. Galit ang nararamdaman ko ngayon pero mas nananaig ang selos. He just baked an apple pie for somebody else! Dati ako lang ang nilulutuan niya nito! I can’t take the fact that this fucking pie is specially made for these guys. Just what the hell?!

“Oh! Levi, try this one! This is the best pie I’ve ever tasted!” may gana pang alok ni Sawyer sa akin.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. I’m starting to lose my temper but for the sake of my dignity, I’m not gonna let it affect me.

I’m such a fool to believe that, though.

“Nahh, I’m full. Thanks, though..” I answered as I laid my eyes on Riley. We’re gonna have a vigorous conversation once you fell into my trap again.

“Oh? Sayang naman, masarap e..” Sawyer murmured, continued eating the dessert.

I cleared my throat.

“It’s okay. I’m not really fond of… apple pies.” I pursed my lips while looking at the pie and then back at Riley, now his face is quite distorted.

Couple hours went by. Tapos na ang lahat sa pagkain, at tinititigan ko na lamang ang natirang mga piraso ng apple pie sa plato. I bit my lip as an idea flashed on my mind, no way, never gonna do that, that’s freaking crazy.

Nagpaalam na ang mga Del Grandes, they were beside the pool talking to Riley. I can barely hear their conversation that’s why I stayed on my seat and just deal with my misery alone, staring at the remnants of the apple pie on the plate. Animo’y nagkaroon ito ng buhay at nang-eengganyo sa aking tikman sila.

I cleared my throat and secretly picked up the fork. I tried to eat a small piece of it, damn this is just.. crazy. Well, it’s good.. tasty.. hindi katulad noon na lasang sunog.

I took another bite, hanggang sa ’di ko namalayang naubos ko na pala. I was still chewing the food in my mouth when someone called my name.

“Levi?”

It was Troy Nixon Torralba, sa kanyang likuran ay ang kanyang asawa kausap ng aking mapapangasawa. Of course, that’s another joke from me. Damn it, dream on Levi.

Eventually, he talked to me and let me know that he’s the same Riley I used to know. Of course, I already know that but it’s still different when he admits it in front of me. That’s when I started to follow him around, at the grocery shop, and even in his condominium.

“Bakit ba sumunod ka rito? At ikaw naman itong nagpumilit na manatili rito tapos ngayon magagalit ka kapag nalaman mong may bisita ako??” isa sa mga araw na sinusungitan niya ako.

We’re in his unit and I followed him, even helped him carry his groceries.

“So inamin mo rin na bisita mo nga ’yon?!” my voice thundered, someone visited him and he kept me hidden in his bedroom. Now, it’s too obvious that he’s hiding something from me.

“Hindi ko nga bisita ’yun! May bisita bang dumating tapos umalis din agad? Ano ’yun trip lang kumatok sa pintuan?” pamimilosopo niya.

He’s at the sink while I’m behind him. Hindi ko matanggap na tinatago niya ako dahil may itinatago siya sa akin.

“Tss!” I hissed aggressively and kept my mouth shut.

“Kung gusto mo, umuwi ka na! Para wala na tayong problema!”

Madalas kaming magtalo. At sa mga pagkakataong nagseselos ako ay sinusuyo naman niya ako. I wasn’t like this before, even with my wife. My love for him is extremely overwhelming and I wasn’t taught how to deal with jealousy.

And the night that he went unconscious, I stayed in the waiting area of the hospital. Naghihintay ng balita. I got so worried but Richard Graciano won’t let me see him or even peak at him for a second. I respect his father and though it was so hard for me, I let them take good care of him without me.

Hindi ko na mabilang kung pang-ilang bote na ng alak ang aking iniinom, nasa loob ako ng kanyang unit, mag-isa. Tinitigan ko ang singsing sa aking palad, I bought it even before we met at the expo, hoping that I would propose to him once we see each other again.

But life still has its own way of throwing rocks on you, making it difficult for you to have a happy ending.

“Is this true? You’re fucking engaged to me?”

“Kung ayaw mo pa, ayos lang naman sakin.” sumimangot ako sa tugon niya.

I’ve been dreaming of marrying him so that he won’t ever leave me. At gusto ko na rin siyang matali sa akin nang sa gayon ay wala nang makaagaw pa sa kanya.

“You’re gonna marry me and bear my children, Riley. You don’t know how you made me so happy right now. Pwede na ba tayong magpakasal bukas din?” pinisil niya ang dulo ng ilong ko. I hugged him with bearable tightness.

“Anong bukas kaagad? Wala pa nga tayong plano kahit isa. At pareho pa tayong may trabaho na kailangang unahin.”

I frowned more because of that. If I could just marry him as soon as possible, that’s gonna be the greatest idea ever. Wala na siyang takas kapag naitali ko na ang pangalan ko sa kanya.

“Kapag pinakasalan mo ako, ikaw rin naman ang ta-trabahuin ko araw-araw, Riley..” I murmured, I winced in pain when he hit my arm.

“We’ll marry in god’s perfect timing..”

“There’s no perfect timing, Riley. Dapat ko rin bang planuhin kung kailan kita aanakan? Hindi naman, ’di ba?” hinampas niya ulit ang braso ko ngunit ngayon ay binalot ko siya nang mas mahigpit na yakap upang hindi na siya umapela pa.

“I’m already engaged to you, Leviticus. There’s no way somebody else could steal my heart.”

Those words gave me so much assurance that nobody could take him away from me, no matter what the circumstances are. But I don’t fully trust everyone around him, not even his family.

“Give me your phone..” utos ko sa kanya.

“What? Why?” nagtatakang tanong niya.

“Just give it. I won’t read anything. I’ll just… do something..” he just shrugged his shoulders as he handed his phone to me.

Secretly, I installed a tracking application on his phone. I connected it with mine. Kaya kahit hindi kami magkasama ay maaari kong malaman kung nasaan siya.

After a minute or two, I gave him back his phone. And then I tried it using my phone to check if the location is accurate.

The night after that, nauna akong makauwi sa kanyang condo unit. I was stretching my arms and gently massaging my neck when I sent a message to him.

Me:

I’m home. Still at your dad’s?

Nagpaalam siya sa akin kaninang umaga na bibisita siya sa kanyang ama pagkalabas niya ng opisina. I pulled a chair on the dining table and occupied it.

My sugar lips:

Yes, still here. Take a little rest, baka gabihin ako ng uwi ngayon.

In an hour, nakapagbihis at nakapagluto na rin ako. Hindi ko sinunod ang sinabi niya dahil gusto ko siyang hintayin upang sabay kaming kumain. I was just waiting for his arrival when I heard my phone rang. My phone is in the bedroom so I had to leave the kitchen for a moment.

“Hey..” malambing kong bungad nang malamang numero iyon ni Riley. Instead of his marshmallowy voice, I heard a static noise on the background, and no one is speaking.

“Riley? You there?” naupo ako sa kama habang hinihintay siyang sumagot. Binalikan ko ng tingin ang screen sakaling naputol na ang tawag, ngunit hindi.

“Didn’t find anything?” I heard someone said from the background, it wasn’t Riley’s voice though.

“N-No, uhmm… I tried calling him but no response as well..” now that is Riley’s marshmallowy voice.

Sinong kausap niya? Why did he call me if he’s talking to somebody else?

I heard noises, and footsteps.

“I almost thought the plan would end successful.. but poisoning you didn’t work..”

I literally have no idea what was going on, but something about it made me listen more. Poisoning? What the hell is this?

“You were also the one behind the poisoning incident?”

“I was kind at first to try killing you in a car accident. But I thought you wouldn’t die fast from that. But then I saw you with the owner of Torralba Builders the night of the expo..”

And then I felt that they were talking about me, what about me? Who is this son of a bitch?! Car accident? He tried to kill Riley?! Tama ba ang pagkakarinig ko?!

“And I did something with your tires.. but it didn’t also go according to plan..”

“And then these cupcakes were actually the last attempt, but unfortunately you’re still fucking alive and kicking..” then I heard a sarcastic laugh.

When the call suddenly ended, I opened the tracking application and learned that he’s at the Gracianos. Hindi na nagawang magbihis, lumabas ako ng unit habang tumatawag ng mga tauhan. At the same time, I called the police.

Maneuvering the jeep wrangler, pinaharurot ko ito nang matulin hanggang sa makarating ako sa tapat ng mansyon ng mga Gracianos. Ang lakas ng pintig ng puso ko sa kaba at takot sa maaaring mangyari kay Riley. Mabilis naman ding nagsidatingan ang sasakyan ng aking mga tauhan ngunit ’di ko na sila hinintay at dire-diretso na ako patungo sa loob.

Hinalughog ko ang bawat kwarto, tahimik at walang tao sa paligid kaya mas lalong gumapang ang kaba sa akin.

“Riley!” I yelled anxiously.

I’m at this point again where it feels like I’m losing him. I can’t go back to that phase. I love him so much that it kills me everytime he’s slipping off my hands.

Marahas kong binuksan ang pintuan sa isang kwarto at doon ko natagpuan ang hinahanap ko. Riley is sitting behind the desk, seryoso at may takot sa mga mata nang magtama ang tingin namin.

I rushed towards him but I noticed Rocco Graciano inside the room as well. It all dawned on me that he’s the other man I heard on the phone. The one who tried to kill Riley.

“You motherfucking…” I grabbed him and punched him in the face. Nang matumba ito sa sahig ay hinatak ko ang kwelyo ng kanyang damit at binirahan pa siya ng ilang malalakas na suntok. Sa galit ko ay ’di ko na napigilan ang sarili ko. May bakas na ng dugo sa bibig nito.

“Levi!” Riley hugged me from the back, that’s when I stopped from throwing multiple blows to his brother, his face is fucking unrecognizable now.

Nagsidatingan ang mga tauhan ko sa loob ng silid. They took care of that motherfucker, even the police followed eventually.

“A-Are you okay?” hinanapan ko siya ng anumang sugat sa katawan nang maiwan kaming dalawa roon.

Instead of giving me an answer, he pulled me closer and attacked my lips. I leaned forward and put my hands on his back. Unti-unting napawi ang pag-aalala ko dahil sa halik na iyon.

“I’m fine, Lev. Thanks for… coming..” aniya.

I bit my lower lip and saw the sincerity in his eyes. Hinatak ko siyang muli upang balutin ng yakap.

“You’re safe now.. I won’t let anything bad happen to you.. ’cause you still have to marry me..” I whispered, eyes closed, my hands snaking below him until I get to caress his butt.

“I don’t like you trusting people too easily. Don’t always do that or I’ll lose my mind from worrying about you.” payo ko sa kanya nang nasa loob na kami ng aking sasakyan, pauwi sa kanyang unit.

He pursed his lips cutely, I wanted to kiss him right at this moment but I recalled I was driving.

“I’m okay, Lev. Wala namang masamang nangyari sakin, and I’m smarter now.” aniya, bahagya akong nakumbinsi ngunit ’di pa rin talaga maialis sakin ang pag-aalala.

Rocco Graciano was sent to jail. Even his accomplices, Liz and her boyfriend who were hired as the “spies”. The evidences were strong. Richard Graciano was freed from Rocco’s men and now we’re gonna meet him, introducing me as his fiance to his father.

“Dad..” nagyakapan silang dalawa nang muling magkita.

We’re in a coffee shop. Magkatabi kami sa upuan ni Riley, tumayo siya saglit nang dumating ang kanyang ama.

“My son…” mangiyak-ngiyak ito nang masilayang muli ang anak.

Tumayo rin ako bilang pagbibigay galang, alam kong hindi maganda ang tingin sa akin nito ngunit dahil mahal ko ang kanyang anak ay handa akong magpakumbaba.

Richard Graciano glanced at me after hugging his son. Nagkatinginan kami ni Riley, may pag-aalinlangan sa kanyang mga mata.

“U-Uhmm, Dad, this is my fiance, Leviticus Torralba, I bet you know each other… so well..” pagpapakilala sa akin ni Riley, saglit na umismid ang kanyang ama sa narinig at natawa ng sarkastiko.

“Ang huling pakilala mo sakin dito boyfriend mo ’to? Then now, fiance?” gulat nitong tanong kay Riley. His son rolled his eyes on him.

“We just got engaged, dad.”

“I’m your son’s fiance, Leviticus Torralba, I hope we can get along Mr. Graciano.” matapang akong naglahad ng kamay sa harap nito. Pinantayan ko ang tinging ipinupukol nito, may katamtamang diin at pangingilala.

Tinitigan nito ang nakalahad kong kamay at malugod naman nitong tinanggap. Without saying anything, he shook my hand. I motioned the chair beside him and we both sat down.

But Riley was left alone standing, looking at the both of us, confused. I tapped the seat of his chair, signaling him to sit down as well.

Nag-order kami ng pagkain. Nakikinig lamang ako sa usapan nilang mag-ama nang bumukas naman ang glass door hudyat ng pagdating ng aking ama.

“Dad.” I stood up from my seat and welcomed him. He smiled at me, iginiya ko sa kanya ang aming table.

No one knows I invited my father… well… it was obvious with Riley’s reaction that he was shocked seeing Levinne Torralba with me. Dad already knows that I have a fiance, and he knows that it was the “gardener” he used to know. Hindi niya kaagad iyon natanggap pero wala rin siyang nagawa sa huli.

“Levinne Torralba, I’m your son’s fiance’s father..” pakilala ni Dad kay Richard Graciano. Matagal silang nagsukatan ng tingin hanggang sa napilitang makipagkamay ito kay Dad.

“This one looks grumpy..” Dad whispered when I pulled a chair for him, he’s pertaining to Riley’s father. Napailing-iling nalang ako.

“Dad, sit down..” he murmured something before he obeyed me.

“Hindi mo sinabi saking inimbita mo ang Dad mo?” palihim na bumulong sa akin si Riley nang makabalik ako sa aking upuan, katabi niya. He smiled sarcastically at me, covering his uneasiness or something.

“It’s a surprise..” napaigtad ako nang pisilin niya ang tagiliran ko dahil sa sinabi ko.

“Surprise surprise…” he hissed annoyed, pero pilit din namang nginitian si Dad.

Dad and Richard Graciano is sitting beside each other, but they weren’t talking. Somehow I felt more tension between them than between us.

“I guess we’re talking about the wedding..” panimula ni Dad, walang paliguy-ligoy pa. Naibuga ni Richard Graciano ang kanyang iniinom na kape.

“What? Wedding? Son?” bumaling ito kay Riley na hinihilot na ang kanyang sintido ngayon. I held his other hand below the table.

“Of course, dad. Engaged na kami ’di ba? Natural lang na kasal ang kasunod?” tugon niya sa kanyang ama na mukhang hindi pa rin nagsi-sink in sa kanya ang salitang “kasal”.

“You’re marrying this guy?”

“Excuse me, what do you mean by this guy? That’s my son you’re talking about.” madiing banggit ni Dad sa katabi nito, ngayon ay sila na ang nagsusukatan ng tingin. Nagbuntong hininga ako habang nagmamasid sa kanilang dalawa.

“We’re here to formally ask your son’s hand in marriage.” anunsyo ko upang matigil na sila at mapag-usapan na ang tunay na pakay ko. Riley glanced at me, I gave him a look that says just trust me on this one.

“Why do you need my son’s hand?” his father mocked.

“Dad!” Riley hissed in complete shame.

“Ikakasal itong dalawa, why do you need to sound stupid from asking that?” patutsada naman ni Dad na hindi ko na napigilan. Richard Graciano smirked with sarcasm as he laid his eyes on Dad.

“So you’re saying that I’m stupid?” humilig ito sa kanyang upuan upang mas bigyan ng atensyon ang aking ama kaysa sa akin. Nagpapataliman ng tingin sa isa’t isa.

“Dad, that’s not what he meant. Stop acting like a kid, for god’s sake..” pangangaral ni Riley sa kanyang ama. He looked so stressed dealing with his father.

“And if I won’t give your hand to these people?” panghahamon pa nito. Napalunok ako at napatingin kay Dad na pareho ng reaksyon.

“I’d still marry your son, with or without your permission.” I answered bravely. Pinisil ni Riley ang aking tagiliran kaya napatingin ako sa kanya. What? I’m just testing his father, I don’t really mean it. I won’t marry him if his family won’t allow me. I’d still play by the rules.

Yeah, right. Damn those rules.

“See? That’s how brave my son is, and yet you look at him like he’s somewhat below your standards.” komento pa ni Dad kaya tinaasan ko na siya ng kilay upang tumahimik.

“Mahal ko po ang anak niyo, S-Sir. At Dad, siya lang ang lalaking pakakasalan ko.” dagdag naman ni Riley na hindi ko inaasahan. Nag-init ang mukha ko dahil doon.

“Just call me Tito..” marahang sambit ni Dad. Pinamulahan ng mukha si Riley dahil doon.

“Alright, T-Tito..”

Natahimik na ang kanyang ama at nakikinig na lamang sa aming mga planong nakahanda tungkol sa aming nalalapit na pagpapakasal. Kalaunan ay wala na rin itong nagawa at sumasang-ayon nalang din.

Nang matapos kami sa diskusyon ay naunang magpaalam si Dad dahil may lalakarin pa ito. Inihatid namin ni Riley ang kanyang ama patungo sa sasakyan nito. Naiwan kaming dalawa nang may kausapin si Riley sa kanyang telepono.

“Torralba..” banggit nito pagkasakay sa loob ng sasakyan, nanatiling nakabukas ang pintuan kaya magkaharap kami ngayon. “I still don’t fully trust you, but I trust my son…” dugtong niya.

The shade in his eyes are now warmer, and it feels like his words became more sincere than ever.

“And if he thinks that you’re good for him, then I don’t have any other choice but to accept that..” ipinatong niya ang kanyang kamay sa aking balikat at seryosong tumitig sa mga mata ko.

“I love my son, so please… don’t ever hurt him..”

Tumango ako bilang tugon. Somehow, my perception of him improved. I can’t really blame him because he just wants what’s best for his son. But if he starts to accept me to take good care of his son, then I’ll be glad to promise him that.

“And don’t make me regret my decision of… allowing you… for my son..”

“I love him more than anything. And I promise that it would be your best decision ever. He’s the best thing that happened in my life..”

Richard Graciano smiled genuinely at me as we have a more rational agreement. Nang makabalik si Riley ay nagpaalam na ito sa kanyang ama.

“Love you, dad.” hinagkan nito sa pisngi ang ama hanggang sa tanguan nalang din ako nito bago ito umalis.

“Did you two… talk?” tanong niya nang kaming dalawa na lamang ang natira.

“Hmm?” I leaned closer and snaked my arms on his back, a subtle but very territorial gesture.

“Anong pinag-usapan niyo ni Dad no’ng wala ako?” pangungulit niya pa. His marshmallowy voice is soothing, my eyes levelled at his then down to his lips.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing? Hindi ako naniniwalang nothing ’yon, what did he tell you?” I slowly pinch his pursing lips and planted a soft kiss on it.

“That’s between me and your dad, sugar lips.” he mocked me by rolling his eyes on me over and over again. “Are you rolling your eyes on me now?”

His lips are set in a thin line now and his eyes directly at me.

“Whatever, papi..” aniya sa natatawang tono. I wanted to fake my reaction but I couldn’t help but smile as well.

Love will fuck you up more than drugs ever will. I didn’t fall in love with him because I was lonely or lost or miserable, I fell in love because after getting to know him, I realized that I wanted to make him a permanent part of my world.

With or without demons, he was able to save me. And he’s gonna be the person that I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.

“Damn, I can’t wait to marry you.”

~ FIN

SAVED BY HIS DEMONS July 07, 2020 The End

Leviticus will return . . .

Special Announcement

If you reached this page, I wanna thank you with all my heart. You never know how it made me happy that you finished reading this story.

So let me start with a few messages.

This story has a special place in my heart. Unang una, napamahal na ako sa main characters ng storyang ito, I’m sure you guys as well. At first, this one didn’t really have an arranged plot, meaning to say sinimulan ko ang kwentong ito dahil — wala lang, may maisulat lang hahaha. But maybe this is one of my skills, creating something beautiful out of the things that weren’t planned at all, or maybe I did like to try writing on a different approach with a different style since this story is very descriptive, with respect to the word usages and all that kaya mas feel ang eksena. But as the story goes on, it kind of attracted a lot of readers so in return, it was enough motivation to put an effort on its plot.

I’ve read all of your feedbacks on this story, as well as monitored the votes, and you guys never failed me. Though there were trying times while finishing this book, nariyan ang global pandemic situation and some of you knew that I also lost my job during all of this, but still I had earned hope to continue further this story.

After finishing the book, I was tied between writing special chapters for this book so that we could picture what would it be like for them to live as a married couple and probably how different it would be once they have… children. Lots of children, actually. Lol :)

But special chapters would be too short. So I’ve decided to write a second book instead of their love story. Pero kalma lang po, huwag po tayong mag-panic, yes as I’ve mentioned in the epilogue, Leviticus will return BUT not too soon. Maybe after completing Allen and Blade’s stories or kapag maluwag na ang schedule ko, I’ll publish it.

This is also one of the stories na ang daming na-introduced na characters (aside from JPAT), so I still need to give justice to the other casts.

Teaser for the second book will be published soon, so keep on being updated :)

Sa mga ’di pa nakahanap sakin sa mga social media, you can follow me @kuyajax_wp on twitter and instagram :)

Book 2 Teaser

I woke up from a heavy sleep when I heard someone’s cry. Nagmulat ako ng mga mata at binuksan ang lampshade sa ibabaw ng bedside table upang maka-aninag sa dilim.

Leviticus is sleeping soundly beside me while his steel-hard arm is snaked on my stomach. I pursed my lips secretly though no one could possibly see it at the moment. Being married to him for three years has exceeded all of my expectations.

Tumigil muna ako sa pag-iisip tungkol doon nang muling marinig ang impit na iyak. I removed Levi’s arm on top of my stomach and pulled down the comforter. Bumalot sa aking balat ang lamig ng hanging ibinubuga ng airconditioner nang tumayo ako.

Naglakad ako patungo sa crib. Nang makapa ang baby ay binuhat ko ito upang ihele. Natahimik naman ito nang maramdaman ang haplos ko.

For three years, we already have two babies. The first one is two years and three months old, agad kaming nag-anak ilang linggo pa lamang matapos kaming ikasal ni Leviticus. Itong sumunod ay mag-dadalawang taon na. Ganoon kabilis ang lahat ng pangyayari nang mapasakamay ako ng isang Leviticus Amedeo Torralba.

He won’t stop until he gets it.

I caressed the baby on my chest, this one looks completely alike me. Ang panganay namin ay mas kamukha kasi ni Levi, though I love them both. At nahahati man ang oras ko para kay Levi at para sa aming mga anak, siya na mismo ang gumagawa ng paraan upang magkaroon kami ng oras para sa isa’t isa.

Nang makatulog ang baby ay ibinalik ko ito sa kanyang crib. Pinagmasdan ko pa ito ng ilang segundo bago nagpasyang bumalik sa kama.

Lumundo ang kama sa banda ko nang muli akong mahiga dahilan nang bahagyang pagkagising ng aking asawa. I heard his soft murmur but then he embraced me with his arm to lock me in.

“Luther again?” tanong niya ngunit nakapikit at binabalot ako ng mainit na yakap.

I could hear his shallow breathing since he’s hugging me. And his arms are enough warmer for every night.

“Luther again..” tugon ko na madali niyang naintindihan dahil umangat ang labi niya.

Umigtad siya sa pagkakahiga at mas sumiksik sa akin, hinagkan niya ang aking pisngi bago muling hatakin ng antok.

Nang magising ako kinabukasan ay wala na si Leviticus sa aking tabi, tanging ang malaking puwang sa kanyang parte sa kama ang natira. Hindi pa man ako tuluyang bumabangon mula sa kama nang bumukas ang pintuan sa aming kwarto ay natanaw ko na ang tumatakbong si Leviticus Jr.

“Bweakfast, daddy!” masayang anunsyo niya nang sumampa sa kama upang dampian ako ng halik sa pisngi. Hindi pa niya mabigkas ng tama ang salita pero tuwang-tuwa ako at pinanggigilan ang kanyang pisngi dahil kamukhang-kamukha ito ni Leviticus.

I feel like I’m looking at a baby version of my husband.

“Nasaan ang daddy mo?” inayos ko muna ang higaan bago tuluyang tumayo, buhat ang panganay namin sa aking mga braso.

“Kitchen, daddy!”

Lumabas kami ng kwarto at gaya ng sabi ng anak namin, natagpuan ko si Leviticus sa kitchen area na nasa harap ng stove, holding a spatula. Agad kong nalanghap ang mabangong amoy ng niluluto nito.

Binaba ko si Leviticus Jr. kung kaya’t kumaripas ito ng takbo patungo kay Leviticus. Kumapit ito sa binti niya na madalas gawin nito sa kanyang ama.

“Hotdogs, daddy!”

Dahil sa kamusmusan ay nakaugalian nitong dugtungan lagi ng salitang ‘daddy’ ang kanyang sinasabi. Nang maupo ako sa mesa ay napalingon sa gawi ko si Levi. Imbes na ipagpatuloy ang niluluto ay nagtataka akong pinanood itong lumapit sa akin.

“Good morning, sugar lips…” he whispered and smoothly planted a soft kiss on my cheek. I know I flushed a bit but I let the feeling subside on its own. Saglit lang iyon dahil bumalik din agad siya sa niluluto.

Sa loob ng tatlong taon, ganoon lagi ang gawain niya tuwing umaga pero kahit na ganoon ay hindi ko pa rin magawang masanay. At kahit umaga pa lang at wala pang ayos, ang gwapo ng asawa ko. Well, wala naman ding pinipiling oras ang ka-gwapuhan niya.

After a minute or two, Levi carefully placed the fried hotdogs and bacons on a serving plate. Leviticus Jr. craves at the sight of it based on the genuine smile on his lips that reached his ears.

Nawala ang atensyon ko sa panonood sa mag-ama nang mag-vibrate ang aking cellphone. It was a text message from an unknown number, I don’t have to slide the screen because the message is already showing.

Unknown Number:

Let’s meet.

I ignored it. For the past few months, ilang beses na rin akong naka-receive ng ganitong mga mensahe. Binubura ko lang ang mga ito kung kaya’t hindi ko sigurado kung parehas ang mga numero. And the last time I received the same message was last week, ngayon nalang ulit ang sumunod.

“Who’s that?” nagtama ang tingin namin ni Levi nang mag-angat ako ng ulo.

I shrugged my shoulders to make it look like nothing important.

“Random number..” tugon ko, tipid sa pagsabi ng impormasyon dahil wala lang naman iyon.

Imbes na hindi pansinin iyon ay lumalim ang titig niya sa akin at lumipat sa aking cellphone na nasa ibabaw ng mesa ang tingin niya. Inasikaso ko ang paglalagay ng pagkain sa plato ni Leviticus Jr.

“How’s Mondealba?” pangungumusta ko sa kanilang negosyo at para iliko na rin ang usapan.

Nang mahulog ang hotdog mula sa pagkakatusok sa tinidor ni Leviticus Jr. ay tinulungan ito ni Levi.

“Careful, baby..” he whispered as he sliced the hotdog into smaller pieces to make it easier for our kid.

“Mondealba’s doing…. great..” nakihati ako ng atensyon mula sa kanya dahil abala ito sa pagpapakain sa aming anak.

I am aware of the business’ status because Renan is working there, so in return he’s giving me an inside scoop of what is happening in Mondealba. Nawaglit ako sa pag-iisip tungkol doon nang makita ko si Daya, ang babysitter ni Luther. Lumapit ako sa kanila at kinarga ang bagong gising na baby namin.

I kissed the baby’s cheek but when I looked back at the table, I caught Levi standing in front of my seat and looking down on… my phone.

“Let’s meet? Sino ’to?” aniya, hawak na sa kamay ang aking cellphone, binasa niya ang text message roon. I secretly rolled my eyes at that remark.

Ipinasa ko ang baby kay Daya upang pagtuunan ng pansin ang aking asawa. I looked at Leviticus Jr. who’s busy eating his own food and then back at his father with his questioning eyes.

“I don’t know, Lev. Baka wrong sent ’yan.”

I was hoping a relief from my answer but his reaction didn’t change at least a bit, now I was pretty sure he’s not convinced. But lying doesn’t really matter if he’s doing the same thing to me. He’s telling me the business is doing great when it’s not.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin dahil sa pagkailang. He’s looking for answers in my eyes, and it has been his expertise since then.

“You’re not telling the truth.” I was kinda expecting this conclusion from him so I wasn’t suprised at all.

Pinantayan ko ang tingin niya, hindi nagpapatalo.

“Ikaw din naman.”

Nagpalitan kami ng tinging nanghahamon ngunit una siyang sumuko sa aming dalawa. Though there are still things that we don’t agree with, differences, inconsistencies, changes, but that’s the beauty of love.

And the more you love the person, the more you discover other demons.

—

And that’s the teaser for the second book entitled “ Of Love And Other Demons “ that will be published soon. Thanks to everyone who waited for this! Lovelots!