I

Temptation Undressed

Stress is usually the only mistress a big shot of an incoming CEO has. 

He has always taken it in stride though and danced with her regardless because Xander Darrow is a lonely man. 

Still, he is the man that everyone fears. He’s the man every woman swoons for. He is unapproachable with his narrowed eyes, furrowed brows, and scowl marring his handsome face. Those piercing blue eyes peer into persons souls, cold and calculating.

No one dares near him for fear of angering him. Everyone is cautious of his being and it irks him, but he would rather focus on his work than waste time.

His mindset is on the money. All he really needs is a warm body at night only to have her leave with a hefty tip, never repeated, never twice. He hates them, hates the throngs of women that throw themselves at him. They disgust him.

He gives them the pleasure to fuck them only to toss them aside once they’re used. Easy. He will never settle, never find that someone or “the one”.   They don’t exist.  He doesn’t believe in ridiculous shit like that. He thinks it’s stupid, a waste of money and time. It’s something he doesn’t have. All love ever leads to is heartbreak. He knows all too well what heartbreak is. He has seen it, witnessed it, and lived it. Having someone so close, invading his life twenty-four seven, is frustrating, annoying.

He never quite understood why his parents had him. He grew up witnessing them deteriorating, a loveless marriage which consisted of procreating just to have a successor. His father was always cold, stern. His mother, petite, was a force to reckon with. She never smiled, only pushed him and his sibling to the limit and then some. They never cared for them, always taught them to do their best and never to fail. Failure meant not going back.

Their home was always an empty void. A bitter smile twitches at his lips. His mother died recently. Heart failure. The only regret he had was never getting to know the woman who bore him. His father seemed unaffected by his wife’s death. Nothing new, not really. That man was always locked in his office at all hours signing papers. That man was pristine, punctual, no nonsense type of person. He was feared. He was ruthless. He controlled. He owned. He was rich, swimming in money that continues growing in interest. That man he calls a father, is the man Xander Darrow wants to be.

So yes, he drinks from his mistress every night, a glass of whiskey and drowns in the thoughts of what he could have been.

---

A/N: Due to popular demand, it’s back.

II

^^Adin Fionn^^

Pain.

It is a feeling so profound, more meaningful than love. Pain is an all shattering force.

Fear.

It is a force that drives him insane, makes him beg. Fear is what controls him.

Chains.

They are what he wants to break so very badly, but can’t.

Adin Fionn is held in an iron grip.

Pain travels through his abused body, fear that the monster will come back and make him beg for it to stop. Salty droplets roll down his pale cheeks, he tastes them on his dry lips as he takes another beating. All he wants is to stop, stop feeling this agony. He wants to stop feeling anything.

Laughs and taunts fill his head and he holds back a sob as the insults continue. He doesn’t know how much verbal and physical abuse he can take. Sometimes the pain is too much, it feels like he’s swallowed in flames. It leaves him breathless when he hears the whip before it slashes his thighs.

He looks up, crystal blue eyes begging for his assailant to stop hurting him. He sees his own terror reflected in the man’s eyes before him. A slow smile escapes as the cable comes down on his skin, welts immediately blistering. He bites his lip until he tastes blood so he won’t scream in agony. The man only laughs before stumbling away.

Adin scrambles away and hurries to the nearby bedroom where he opens the door, shuts it, and locks it quickly. His eyes frantically search the room until they land on the closet door, slightly ajar. His ears strain to hear small whimpers and cries. His heart sinks in his chest until he rushes and yanks the door open again. A scream of terror fills the room until wide eyes land on his petit figure. Adin scoops up the tiny body and holds him tight in a warm reassuring embrace.

The tiny boy clings to him making Adin wince as his tiny fists press onto his bruised neck. Through his wracking sobs he asks if it’s over. Adin simply kisses his forehead and rocks him to sleep. It isn’t long before the three year old falls into an uneasy sleep. Adin admires his features and smiles lightly at the little angel in his arms. He carefully places him on the bed too big for the baby’s small body but too small for himself.

Adin knows that they can’t continue like this, with all the pain in the world he rips up the papers that were once his dreams, his chance at escape. A single tear rolls down his flushed cheek and lands on the shreds of paper, which have sealed his fate. He’s officially a nobody.  Giving up his chance at college, giving up on everything, in order to raise Cailean.

Cailean, an innocent baby boy who doesn’t need to know about the cruelty of the world. Or perhaps knows too much at three years old.

But he decides that his baby brother needs a better life than what they’re living. Except, they don’t have anywhere to go. Adin doesn’t have enough money to run away, not with a baby.  And college tuition?  He’ll never make it.

He closes his eyes and fights back the tears.

Before, it wasn’t like this, or at least not as bad.

He was twelve when he started noticing girls. Not because he liked them. He liked their short dresses and pigtails. Since then he let his hair grow out, now it rests a bit past his shoulders. It was back to school shopping when he realized what he wanted, he was fourteen and Cailean hadn’t been a thought yet. They were looking for clothes and he sneaked away to the girls section, by then his hair was a good length, just brushing his ears and down the nape of his neck. He grabbed the first thing that caught his attention, a silky dress and he disappeared into the changing rooms.

His father had caught him dressed as a girl and beat him the first time, hit for the first time, insulted him for the first time.

His mother never knew, she was too preoccupied while his father drilled into him that dressing like a girl was disgusting, that liking a man was a sin and he’d go to hell for it. He was terrified. And then Cailean came along, but his mother began fading. She grew sick, weak. She had advanced stages of cancer that went undetected.

She passed away the day he turned sixteen. She told him she loved him however he was. It didn’t matter who he loved so long as he was happy with himself. She died knowing of his secret desires and sexual orientation. He’s only thankful she never found out about the beatings which weren’t so frequent. After her funeral his father began drinking. He began shouting, insulting him. He began hitting him, yelling profanities. His father blames him for her death, it was his fault. And he believed every word, still does. He’s damaged and scared but he has someone else to think about.

He has Cailean.

With a wince Adin goes near the bed and kneels. He pulls out a plastic bag underneath the bed and opens it to reveal a small red dress. His heart hammers in his chest in something entirely different, in excitement. He slips on the dress, the soft fabric caressing his sensitive skin. He approaches the mirror in the bathroom adjoined to the small room. He doesn’t know much about makeup but his complexion is clear and baby soft. He takes out a light rosy rouge and with a bristle brush dusts it on his cheeks. He then applies a bit of soft lipstick as he brushes his hair behind his ear. He doesn’t know what to do with it, in his opinion, his hair seems flat despite the slight curls at the end.

He decides that this will have to do.

In his hand he carries a pair of matching red heels as he tip toes past the living room, ignoring the clock that flashes bright numbers reading 10:27 PM, where his old man is snoring. He carefully closes the front door and runs down the block until he’s far enough to put on his heels. He curls and uncurls his toes, feeling comfortable in his own skin for the first time in his entire life.

He walks down the sidewalk with a bit of difficulty, only tripping once before getting used to the height difference. He feels free. With a small smile he approaches a well-known bar,  Trap Queen, one which has a variety of LGBTQ+.  Filled with nothing but acceptance, something he wish he had known sooner.

He slows down by the bus stop where he met a woman named Tracy, a crossdresser who had cooed at his adorableness and begged him to visit the bar. He refused, arguing that he wasn’t gay and was most definitely a guy, not a closeted crossdresser or someone born in the wrong body. However, he didn’t sound convincing, not even to his own ears. Tracy had simply smiled at him and gave him her business card.

He picks up the pace.

Standing in the back, close to the bouncer, he takes a deep breath and shows him the same card he received barely a week ago.

The bouncer narrows his eyes at him, as if trying to figure him out and he shifts nervously under the scrutinizing gaze.

A small smile curls the man’s lips and he stands aside and holds the door open.

After all, ladies first.

III

He regrets agreeing to this. He shouldn’t have been dragged here. He was stupid for trusting his brother. With a heavy sigh he accepts the proffered drink from the woman who shamelessly flirts with them. He takes a gulp of the bitter liquor and enjoys the slight burn in his throat as it slides down easily. He slams the glass on the table and shoots daggers at the man in front of him. The man simply offers a sly smirk in return.

When their waitress leaves Xander hisses at him, “what the fuck are we doing here?”

“I noticed you needed to loosen up,” his brother shrugs.

“Loosen up? I loosen up every night without needing to come to a demeaning “business”. There’s no need to be here, I’ll pay for our drinks and we leave, got it?“ Xander says.

His brother rolls his eyes and raises his glass, “You need to relax.”

Xander takes a deep breath and clasps the glass tightly in his hand before downing the rest of the whiskey. He isn’t in the mood for his brother’s antics. He has a hard case this week and he needs to prove his defendant not guilty, he needs to be focused not playing around at bars.

“How’d you even find this… pub?”

“Just ’cause I’m not exactly straight doesn’t mean I don’t like seeing men dressed femininely, it’s interesting to see them so,” he replies easily.

Xander sighs, he never did question his brother’s preferences and no one exactly commented on it. However, it was quite noticeable when his father’s distaste slipped through concerning the family business. He began giving the tougher cases to him and his brother was tossed aside, not that they minded the arrangement. Out of the two, Xander was always more interested in becoming the CEO while his brother enjoyed life.

“I don’t see what you appreciate in men. No offense but I find it repulsing, I mean, how does sex even work?  And don’t get me started on drag, they were born male for a reason,” Xander grumbles.

“What if I was a crossdresser or did drag?” His brother questions.

Xander looks at him in surprise but there’s a goofy smile on his face that almost breaks Xander’s resolve.

“You know I love you Dylan but you’d give father a heart attack and even though I don’t like thinking of you in a gay relationship, we both know you’re more dominant,” Xander answers.

Dylan chuckles at his response in agreement as he takes a swig of his beer, “as for sex, don’t knock it till you try it.”

Xander scrunches up his face.  He’d rather not think about it, but he does as they enjoy a few minutes of silence and watch as women come out to fill their orders and something akin to revulsion settles in Xander’s stomach.

“I don’t understand why men would like to fuck a dirty trans,” he whispers under his breath.

Dylan places his drink on the table and looks at his brother with furrowed brow, “not all drag queens or crossdressers are trans, Xan.  It’s a lifestyle, but being born in the wrong body is not.  Anyway, love has no rules, I’m a homosexual, granted I don’t enjoy wearing lacy underwear, but I do love them on my men.”

They lapse in silence once more, Xander thinking about it and trying to wrap his head around it.

“The beauty about Trap Queen is that you honestly don’t know who is a woman, trans, or a crossdresser. They’re beautiful inside out,” Dylan adds, “They’re real to themselves and I envy them.”

“Why?” Xander asks.

“Because here, at least here , they have a piece of freedom and they seem so genuinely happy,” Dylan responds.

Xander doesn’t have a reply to that either. He simply let’s his gaze wander until it lands on a petite girl. She can’t be more than eighteen, maybe younger, and he’s not sure that’s legal. However, her eyes are so beautiful despite the dull sadness. She offers everyone a shy smile. She’s new at this business. She’s breathtaking. She’s petite, small in stature. A light blush tints her cheeks and she has glistening lipstick on her plush lips. Xander forces himself to look away. Dylan isn’t paying attention. He’s looking over a few files he brought with him. Xander is almost thankful for the distraction when his brother asks for him to peer review the case.

Xander tries to think beyond the words on the papers but when he does, his eyes land on the slim figure whose eyes look toward their table. They stare at each other until those gorgeous eyes widen as she realizes what she’s doing. The light blush on her cheeks darkens just so and Xander orders a shot of patron hoping the burn will bring him back.

When his consciousness is becoming hazy at the edges he calls it a night and offers his brother a smirk. Dylan knows that smirk and shakes his head before gathering the files and leaving.

With a predatory smile, Xander walks out from the bar already planning how to get her in his bed.

IV

^^Joseph Blair^^

Adin is nervous as he walks through the threshold. He feels comfortable and yet so out of his comfort zone. It’s an excitement that bubbles in his stomach and leaves him breathless. He has never felt so eager and uneasy at the same time.

He looks up when a young man calls his name. He’s taller than him by a couple inches.  He looks innocent with big bright eyes and wild kinky hair. His skin holds a hue of golden honey and he exudes an innocence that is no longer there.

Adin’s brows furrow, he’s heard that voice before.  He’s sure he’s seen that man before.

“Hi,” the man greets enthusiastically.

“H-Hi,” Adin replies shyly.

“My name is Joseph Blair,” he smiles, “also known as Tracy.”

“Tracy?!” Adin repeats in breathless shock.

“Adin, right?” he winks.

Adin can’t help but give him a small genuine smile when realization sets in. 

When he met Joseph, he was wearing an off the shoulder shirt with tight blue skinny jeans and long hair. He had makeup on, something light but noticeable. A bit of mascara and red lipstick which had made him feminine. He looked like a woman, beautiful and true. And now he was wearing nothing, no makeup to hide behind, and no mask.

“I’m glad you came,” Joseph says.

Adin can only manage a small nod as he takes the proffered seat. Joseph looks at him through the mirror in front of them. He tries avoiding his reflection, but Joseph lifts his chin up and looks into his eyes.

“What happened?” He asks softly.

Adin looks away before contemplating whether he should answer.

He doesn’t have to.

“It’s okay,” Joseph reassures after a few beats of silence, lifting the pressure on the younger man’s shoulders, “no one truly talks about their life here, we understand that no one has had it easy, not when we feel different than everyone else and we wish to be normal. I just want to know if this is who you want to be.”

“No, this isn’t who I want to be, this is who I am,” Adin murmurs.

Joseph smiles sadly at him before digging around and returning with extensions.

“You’re beautiful Adin, you are, men will fall flat at your feet but some extensions never hurt anyone,” Joseph grins playfully.

Adin can see the haunted look in his eyes. He can see him retreating and becoming the cheerful girl he met days ago. He’s thankful for the change in topic and mood alike, but he wants to know what has caused such a look of pain in a person so compassionate and kind. He feels his heart ache for a boy he barely knows yet feels like has known for years. 

Joseph pats his bony shoulder and gives him an encouraging smile as he begins curling his hair and placing some finishing touches.

“There,” he declares.

“Thank you,” Adin smiles, he feels prettier, beautiful even.

“Now go make those men fall helplessly in love with you,” Joseph says.

Adin blushes and barely manages a response before he’s pushed outside the dresser. Everything happened so fast. He expected to be interrogated by the madam, asked probing questions that might’ve broken him further. But Tracy, Joseph , has shown him a different side to this life. In those few minutes spent together in near silence he’s witnessed so much hurt yet happiness. No one looks at him funny or in disgust. Everyone knows he’s new and they offer supportive smiles of delight.

He mills around, not really knowing anything or what to do. He observes. He watches as everyone working in the Trap Queen Bar waits on people and offer drinks. He watches as men swoon over the pretty girls, some who are cross-dressers and others transgender. Those who were born with the right parts love playing mind games, it’s almost amusing.

Someone taps him on the shoulder and startles him. He turns to face who grabbed his attention only to find…

“Tracy,” Adin smiles.

“Hello beautiful,” she greets.

“Dove,” Adin introduces shyly.

“Well then my Dove , I just came to inform you that when the night is over we receive our pay. We get paid by night not by weeks or hours and any tips made are yours to keep,” Tracy informs.

“Thank you.”

“Take it easy, you’re too tense. Just relax and smile,” Tracy advises.

Adin nods and takes a deep breath.

“Good, now have fun.”

Adin watches as Tracy saunters away with a flip of her hair. A small smile escapes his lips as he watches her work her magic. It’s then he feels someone’s gaze on his being and he looks around until they land on a man. He has narrowed icy blue eyes with light stubble on his jaw staring right at him. His breath hitches in his throat and he freezes, captivated as the man’s gaze devours his image. His knees feel weak and his heart is pounding loudly in his ears as blood rushes to his head and colors his cheeks.

He breaks away first, his entire body trembling with a want, a hunger he’s never felt before. His body craves the man and he tries to distract his mind from those eyes.

When he looks back, he’s gone.

A feeling of disappointment settles in his chest and he returns to the night at hand. Beginning to find some comfort, he decides to wait some tables. The first table he serves consists of three men already tipsy and getting worse. A drunkard taps his ass and he yelps at the contact before turning to glare at the smiling man.

“Hello there gorgeous,” he slurs.

“Could you please refrain from touching me?” Adin questions in discomfort and mild disgust at the man.

The man only smiles before wrapping his arm around his thin waist and whispering in his ear, “you like when we touch you, you disgusting slut.”

Tears fill Adin’s brilliant eyes as he struggles to break free, “I’m not a slut.”

“All freaks like you are sluts begging for a cock and I have a nice big cock just for you,” he promises.

Adin gags as he struggles to break free from the man’s hold.

He finally manages to slip from his clutch and Adin wipes away the tears he won’t let fall. He needs the money and a few words won’t scare him away, won’t hurt him. He’s heard worse. He has felt every word branded on his heart and body with each kick and punch his father gave. He can stand strong if only so he can raise enough money for him and Cailean.

He collects the money for his first night, a hundred and fifty dollars plus the twenty dollar tip the drunkards left for him. As he holds the thin paper in his hand and he feels disgusted. He doesn’t talk to anyone, he simply rushes out the back as he calls a quick good night to the bouncer.

He hurries down the street, the sky pitch black with stars scarcely littered, only to stop when a black car pulls up beside him. He slows down when a man steps out and familiar eyes land on him. He can’t help the shiver that runs down his spine and the man offers him a sly smile.

He doesn’t know what this man wants but he doesn’t want to find out and he turns to keep walking but a callous hand grasps his arm and pulls him back. Soft lips press against his and in a gasp of surprise a warm tongue slips inside. Hands explore his body and he can’t help the moan that escapes him as the kiss deepens. He tastes the expensive alcohol sold at the bar mixed with black coffee and mint. It’s intoxicating.

“I want you,” the man breathes.

Adin melts into his body and let’s himself be led into the car. He feels lightheaded as the man continues kissing him senseless, the driver remaining quiet as he takes his boss and his new love conquest to his apartment.

The drive isn’t long but the windows are fogged up and Adin is lost in sensation alone. The man lets out an amused chuckle as he leads them up to his bedroom. He kicks the door open and slams the lithe body before him against the wall. Adin is ravaged, bites and licks littering his neck and throat as the man continues down. He whimpers when the zipper to his little red dress is dragged down and it’s then that he pulls away, becoming self-conscious of his being.

“No,” he says breathlessly, “no I’m not, I don’t, I-I-”

The man leans down and kisses him forcibly as he finally takes the offending piece of clothing off. He stares at her, no, him , with glazed eyes. He gets impossibly harder at the sight of the smaller man trembling under his scrutinizing gaze already half hard.

He should feel disgusted. After all, not long ago, he criticized their chosen lifestyle and choice in love. He’s a hypocrite.

He sucks a bruising kiss on a pale shoulder and lightly grabs the small cock in his hand. A gasp of absolute pleasure fills the dark room. He relishes it.

“Nghm,” he moans, “Wh-Who?”

“Xander,” he replies as he slips off the red lacy underwear from long milky legs.

“Xander,” the boy whimpers.

“Fuck,” Xander growls and tosses the lithe body onto his bed.

He lands with a light bounce before Xander pounces on him and attacks his swollen kissed lips. Those soft hands tangle in his hair and grip tightly as he trails down and licks at his nipple which perks at the teasing ministrations. Xander plays with the other before licking and nibbling it too. He dips lower and presses a soft kiss to the sensitive erection in between trembling thighs which he marks as his. His breath ghosts over the boy’s puckered entrance as he gives a tentative lick and forces his tongue inside. Despite the darkness he sees as the boy’s back arches so beautifully. 

He’s not sure he can be patient, but he reaches for the lube and begins prepping him.  It can’t be much different than a woman.

The boy tenses at the first intrusion, but Xander continues.

He continues as he steals and devours.

“Too much,” is the broken cry.

“Not enough,” Xander growls.

Without warning he pulls away his fingers and replaces them with the thickness of his cock, sinking so wonderfully deep into the warm welcoming cavern. 

A scream is ripped from those precious lips and Xander fights the urge to move. He has never slept with a man but has enough conscious that he can hurt him so easily, break him.

“I want to hear you scream my name as I fuck you,” he whispers heavily.

The young man sobs as he nods his head frantically. Xander grunts as he pulls out and rams back in. The boy’s blunt nails dig into his back and will no doubt leave welts behind. But right now, Xander is focused on the warm body beneath his.

Adin cries.

It hurts too much, he can’t.

He shakes his head trying to pull away, but callous hands grasp his hips as the man, Xander, begins thrusting into his body. He whimpers and whines in his throat at the painful discomfort. He’s soft now but a particular thrust has him gasping again. He scratches at Xander’s broad back as he holds on. The overwhelming pleasure builds inside his belly and a tear slips from his tightly closed eyes.

“Scream my name,” he orders.

Adin does.

He screams his name as Xander thrusts against his prostate repeatedly.

And he’s in heights he’s never been to before.

The pleasure pushes him over the edge as he spills onto his stomach untouched. He’s embarrassed and all he hears through the rush of blood in his ears is the small whines that escape his own bruised lips. He’s oversensitive, but Xander keeps thrusting inside his body chasing his own release. Adin takes it like a good boy as Xander finally orgasms. He doesn’t pull out. He rams himself deeper still and fills him to the brim. Adin whimpers at the delicious feeling of being filled. A light kiss is pressed to his forehead, sweeter than their previous shared. With a soft sigh of exhaustion, Adin closes his eyes and promptly falls asleep.

Xander pulls out none too gently, but the boy is fast asleep in his arms. He can just make out long lashes brushing against pastel cheeks in the dim lighting. He caresses the warm body and decides that he’ll tell the boy to leave in the morning. For now he settles beside him, his arm wrapped around the thin waist, before falling asleep himself.

V

Adin’s eyes flutter open and he notices that he’s in a warm comfortable bed, a contrast against his own mattress which is usually bumpy and poking at his body. 

Disoriented, he looks around the dim lit room with minimal light slipping through the curtains covering a large window. He bites his bottom lip as he shifts on the bed, his lower half sore. He takes a deep breath as he carefully sits up, but the pressure on his entrance is nearly unbearable. With furrowed brows and perspiration beading down his forehead, Adin swings his legs over the side of the bed and takes a careful step. His knees buckle under his weight and he barely catches himself on the edge of the night table.

He closes his eyes tightly before he takes a few more deep breaths. With a cringe as cum dribbles down his thighs, Adin stands and limps towards the heap of clothes by a door. He doesn’t bother to clean himself.  All he wants is to leave. With tears blurring his vision Adin slips on his dress and reaches for his heels managing to hold back a gasp as he bends to pick them up. He forgoes putting them on and simply opens the door leading to a bare hallway. He doesn’t hear any noise that suggests someone being there aside from his light panting to manage the pain between his legs.

He’s careful when he encounters a flight of stairs and walks down. He comes face to face with a handsome man reading the newspaper while drinking black bitter coffee. Adin shifts on his feet not knowing what to do. The sun isn’t completely out yet, only a few scattered rays have emerged from the horizon. The man looks up and with a heavy put upon sigh, stands. He takes out his wallet and starts taking out a few bills. Adin looks at him with wide hurt filled eyes in confusion. The man, Xander if he remembers correctly, hands him the money and Adin holds it in his open palm frozen.

“Here, take it, unless it’s not enough. What do pretty little things like you charge a night?” Xander asks with a smirk.

Adin shakes his head, he’s not a-a-

He can’t.

Xander tips his head up with a finger under his chin, “Don’t deny it, you were rather amazing, granted I’ve never fucked a man, but your tiny ass was so tight. I truly enjoyed our night together.  However, I hope you forget this mistake and you better not mention it to anyone, especially any other of your friends. The last thing I need is for you and your kinds to barge here for money. Now, why don’t you pretty yourself up, hm ? I’m sure there are countless of men waiting to fuck a sexually confused freak like you. My chauffeur is waiting for you downstairs, just inform him where else your pretty little ass is needed and he will take you.”

Adin stares horrified at the man before him. His face heats up and turns a light shade of red as tears well up and spill from his crystal blue eyes. He tosses the money in front of the man’s feet as he clenches his empty fists.

“You took my virginity and then toss me aside when I wasn’t even provoking you! You used me and my body just for pleasure I didn’t even know existed and I hate you for taking me to new heights. Is this what you tell all your conquests? Well I don’t need your money!  I’m not a slut!” Adin yells humiliated.

With a pounding heart he runs out the front door and away from that building, as far away as his legs can carry him until he’s forced to slow down and catch his breath. He doesn’t look back. With his entire body flaring in pain, Adin arrives home as the sun is completely out, shining bright in the cloudless sky.

He opens the door with a weak push and finds his father sleeping on the couch, snoring loudly. He trudges up the stairs and into his room where Cailean is sprawled on the bed. Adin walks into the bathroom and wipes away the remaining makeup off his face. He looks at his reflection in disgust. Has he really become a slut?  A whore begging people to fuck him for money? He feels sick.

His hands tremble as they wipe away his fallen tears. He unzips the dress with a bit of difficulty and tosses the cloth by his heels which he dropped by the entrance of the room. He studies his body, new bruises forming on his battered body. He closes his eyes and sees Xander pressing kisses onto his sensitive skin. He shivers and carefully probes at his sore entrance. When he pulls his fingers back, he sees cum tinged in red glistening in the lighting. He holds back a sob as he turns on the shower to its hottest setting before scrubbing his skin raw.

When he’s dressed in his pajamas with his hair matted to his forehead, extensions long gone, he hears a small knock landing on the door. Adin opens it to reveal Cailean rubbing at his tired eyes sleepily.

“Mommy,” he makes grabby hands at him.

Adin picks up his baby brother and cradles him in his arms.

Ever since their mother died Adin has filled that empty role and Cailean has forgotten all about her. He has taken to calling Adin mommy and relies on him when their father is drunk and passed out. Adin has never corrected him, Cailean is too young to understand what death is, what pain is. Instead he picks him up and presses a kiss to his forehead.

“I love you baby,” he whispers.

And he means it with all his heart. He knows their mother would be proud of him for being Cailnean’s new mommy. He sets Cailean on the ground again and watches as he toddles about. As he walks out the bathroom Adin takes out the money from the Trap Queen Bar and stares at it. He approaches a stack of books and chooses one towards the bottom labeled biology, a book he’ll never use again. 

He opens it and finds it hallow. Small rolls of money, mostly singles, rest hidden there. He adds what he made that night at the bar to the small pile of money and he thinks, just a bit more .

If his dream of continuing his education can’t come true, then at least his dream of finding a better home for him and Cailean will.

Somehow.

VI

Adin is more cautious than before. He avoids everyone and only smiles to get generous tips. He hides every wince and flinch when men touch him and he avoids them most. He doesn’t talk to any other workers at the bar and no one has tried to approach him. Occasionally Joseph checks on him, but he knows that Adin is slowly breaking and he can’t do anything to help him. Adin refuses to tell him what happened after the first night. 

Did he get caught? Was he harassed?

He doesn’t ask.

He realizes that Adin won’t react well. 

He does, however, notice in the confines of their dressing room how Adin winces when he sits down to rest or the way he limps before straightening to tend to their customers. 

It lasts for about a week and then Adin begins to act like a semblance of what he used to be that first night.

But after six weeks since that night in which Adin decided to join the night life, Joseph continues  his observation and decides enough is enough when he approaches him. His concern for the younger man is overwhelming him and if he doesn’t find a way to help him he’ll lose his mind with this festering worry.

“What’s wrong?” Joseph  asks, Tracey completely gone from the glistening of his eyes.

Adin looks up with wide eyes and a tilt to his head, his curls falling over his exposed left shoulder.  Something new, whereas he would cover up, now he’s revealing a bit more.

“What do you mean?” He retorts confused.

Joseph smiles sweetly, despite wearing his alter ego, Tracy, he’s still intimidating. He knows what Adin is playing at. After all he, as well as Tracy, have kept an eye on him.

“For a damn week you couldn’t stand for too long without shifting your hips which resulted in you limping. You winced every time you sat down ever so carefully and would constantly cover yourself up like a nun. You flinch when men touch you, granted I despise them too for their stupidity.  I just hoped you would come to me when something was troubling you, but you’ve bottled it up. Now, now the slightest of smells can upset your stomach. If you’re sick then take a night off,” Joseph huffs with a hand on his hip, “whatever it is, you shouldn’t be struggling by yourself.”

Adin lets out a small sigh as tears fill his eyes, his chest feels like it’s constricting as the air seems to choke him. A soft sob escapes his glossy lips as he breaks down and Joseph’s harsh exterior melts as he hugs the younger male tightly.

“My d-dad used to beat me for months. I-I just wanted to feel free, just a small taste of what it would be like if I could have what I wanted, if I could just wear a dress and be pretty for a change. I never wanted to be a slut, but I turned to be worse than a whore,” he whimpers.

Joseph’s brows are furrowed as he stares intently at those saddened eyes.

“Who? Who said that bunch of bullshit?”

Adin sniffles and shakes his head, he just needs to vent a little.

Joseph realizes the lost cause for his anger and he lifts Adin’s chin up so he can look at him.

“Whoever said that, is stupid. They don’t understand and will never understand what we’ve suffered. The discrimination, the beatings, and the scars we carry in our hearts like on our skin. They can’t begin to imagine what we’ve lived through and survived. You are not a slut or a cheap whore Adin, you are so much more. You are so beautiful inside and out. Anyone would be stupid to hurt such an angel like you,” he smiles slightly.

Adin bites his lips and Joseph sighs with a stern order in his tone, “Say it with me dove.”

“I am beautiful,” Adin repeats.

“Now, if you’re sick, you should really take a few nights off and rest. Getting overworked in this business won’t do you any favors, I’ll tell the madam okay?”

Adin nods his head as it begins to pound with the force of a headache blossoming behind his eyes. Joseph wipes away his tears and presses a kiss to his forehead. Adin rises slowly from where he’s perched and makes to change. He’s learned that to keep his secret he should change in his shared dressing room with Joseph. So, he puts on a plain tee and sweatpants. He takes his share of the money and the tips he earned before placing it in his pocket. He stuffs his new dress and heels in a bag, the one he used to carry for school. He gives Joseph a small smile as the boy removes his makeup in front of the mirror. On his way out he waves to the bouncer with a brighter smile, the man returns it with a simple nod but beneath the shades and the darkness of the night, Adin can see a small smile twitch at his lips.

He walks in the shadows to avoid any people and manages to reach home without any trouble. Inside, it seems like a tornado passed through and his heart skips in a panic until he sees Cailean lying on the floor with a small cut on his temple.

“Oh God,” he gasps and drops his bag at the door in his rush to get to his baby boy.

Wild eyes look around the room for potential danger as he cradles Cailean’s head on his lap.

“Sweetie, please, wake up,” he begs with his voice breaking at the end.

“You,” someone sneers from behind him and Adin tenses.

“D-Don’t come near us,” he orders weakly.

The man grabs a fistful of his hair and pulls him up. He winces at the pull as his headache worsens and the world starts spinning.

“You little slut, I know you have money, where the fuck do you keep it?” The man slurs.

Adin tries to shake his head but finds that it makes everything so much worse, “I d-don’t have any money.”

“You lying whore!” He yells and a slap, skin against skin, is heard breaking through the silence filling the house.

“N-No please,” he begs.

A kick lands on his back and he crumbles to the floor. A punch hits his jaw and another just beside his nose. The man offers more kicks and punches as he yells, demands for Adin to hand him the money. He calls him a freak, an abomination, a slut, a whore, a disgusting piece of shit. Adin takes it all as he curls in on himself, his stomach cramping almost painfully so.

When it finally stops, when the man exhausts himself and slumps on the couch passed out, Adin slowly sits up. The world is still spinning but he needs to check his baby boy. With a whimpered breath of relief Adin notices Cailean’s tiny chest rising and falling. He’s okay, he’s fine. They’ll survive.

“I’m so s-sorry,” Adin cries.

He carefully picks up the baby and limps to their room where he locks the door. He takes out the first aid kit, never imagining that he’ll have to treat an innocent baby. He tries to rouse him but Cailean slaps his hand away in irritation. Adin can’t help but smile at that. He’s still fighting.

“Wake up baby boy,” he whispers.

Cailean’s eyes flutter to reveal the familiar color of crashing blue waves with tears welling in them and spilling down pale cheeks. Adin carefully sits him up and coos gently to calm him down. The last thing they need is for the man to come banging on the door so he can, “shut the brat up.”

He’s careful as he wipes the small cut on Cailean’s temple with some disinfectant. With growing fury he notices that there’s a nasty bruise already forming around it. He holds up three fingers up and asks Cailean how many there are.

With squinted eyes he replies, “thwee.”

That only reassures Adin that his baby doesn’t have a concussion, but he’ll take extra precaution.

“Mommy will be right back. I have to go to the bathroom okay?” He asks Cailean.

“Otay,” Cailean nods.

Adin slips inside the bathroom and takes off his sweats, the pressure unbearable on his stomach. He looks down and notices a small bulge. With a tentative hand he covers the swell and his heart stutters. He continues to feel a few cramps, but they’re not so bad anymore. Still, something doesn’t sit right with him. He hasn’t been feeling like himself lately. He’s more tired than usual. At first he thought it was because he only got a few hours of sleep before getting up cleaning the mess his father leaves behind, cooking, caring for Cailean and then work just to repeat it all over again. Then, there were more symptoms. His nose is now more sensitive and his stomach reacts violently to certain smells. His chest feels a bit sore which has nothing to do with the hickies now faded. He’s gaining weight when he barely eats or keeps food down. This isn’t normal.

For a moment he thinks he might be pregnant, recognizing the symptoms similar to what his mom suffered when she was having Cailean. He dismisses the ridiculous thought because his mother suffered nearly the same symptoms believing she was pregnant when the results indicated advanced stages of cancer.  Fear grips his heart at the sudden thought and he makes an appointment with the pediatrician, though he should really switch to adult medicine. 

This is just a precaution, he reminds himself.  And he’ll get Cailean checked out too. 

This is just so he can continue to fight to protect his baby boy and himself from the monsters that lives in the house.

VII

Aged eyes look up to find a young boy, no, a young man, staring at him with terror.  The youngest, a little blond three year old looks at him with just as much fear. 

He draws his lips into a thin frown as he looks over them both.

His brows are furrowed and he pinches the bridge of his nose as he scans the papers one last time. Their family history consists of cancer, their mother having passed away nearly a year ago. He briefly wonders where the father is, but dismisses the thought, Adin is old enough to be Cailean’s guardian. He takes a breath before confronting the eighteen, nearly nineteen, year old.

“Can you list your symptoms once more?”

“Y-Yes,” Adin nods as he shifts nervously, holding the little three year old closer, “I constantly feel lethargic, nauseous and occasionally vomit caused by a particular strong smell, I-I feel bloated and when I press on my stomach I fe-feel something there.”

The doctor nods before asking, “Any dizzy spells? Fainting?”

“Just dizziness,” comes the meek reply.

“Does your primary doctor know?”

Adin hesitates, “I don’t have one, not yet at least.”

A weary sigh escapes the doctor, “Alright, I’ll send you to an ultrasound technician to see whether there’s a tumor or a false alarm.  But we’ll need to find you a primary doctor who can help you.  Unfortunately, I can’t take care of you anymore,” he informs.

“Thank you,” Adin whispers.

“What about your brother?” He motions to the little boy.

“O-Oh, he… uh… he fell in the park,” he answers.

A lie if the bruises forming on the older boy’s own face is anything to go by.

The doctor doesn’t call him out on it though. Instead, he checks the little boy over, shinning a light in his eyes, testing his sight, and whatnot. The teen waits patiently, anxious for the results.

With a reassuring smile he declares a clean bill of health for the youngest and places a Mickey Mouse band-aid over the small cut on his temple before offering a cherry lollipop to both boys. They take it gratefully and the doctor gives the oldest his appointment slip for the ultrasound technician scheduled for later that day.

“Whatever the result may be, we will help no matter,” he assures the boy.

“Thank you,” he smiles softly.

“Take care Mr. Fionn,” he waves.

Adin walks out the office holding Cailean’s hand tightly. He’s relieved that his baby boy doesn’t have a concussion or anything worrisome. Now his mind is clear to focus on his body. He takes a deep calming breath and checks his pocket. He doesn’t have enough to pay for his visit, but Cailean still has health insurance so it shouldn’t be too bad.  He doesn’t get too far before the nurse waves him off and tells him the doctor will no-charge his visit.  He feels light at the generosity, so with that money he decides that they should eat out, a treat for him and Cailean.

They don’t get far when m Cailean stops, abruptly, just before they cross the street. He looks down at his baby boy and watches as Cailean stares with wide eyes staring at a toy displayed in a store’s window. Adin gulps as his heart aches so painfully. He pays their mother’s medical bills while his father spends their money on alcohol. It’s one of the main reasons he got a job. He knows that Cailean has never gotten a toy since their mom got sick and he’s aware that he has never asked for anything either. He can put off buying them lunch. After all, he can cook a homemade meal for them. So, after looking left and right, they cross the street and head inside. A bell jingles at their entrance, but no one pays any mind.

Cailean turns those wide eyes to him and his little mouth hangs open in surprise.

“Go ahead sweetie, what toy would you like?” Adin asks.

Cailean gives him a wide smile as he lets go of Adin’s hand and toddles around the store. Adin follows him around and watches as he interacts with other children who are browsing while their parents talk on the phone. Cailean purses his lips in contemplation as he holds a soft plush in his hand.

“Is that what you want?” Adin crouches down in front of him.

“Mmhm,” he nods.

Adin smiles brightly at him and takes the toy to pay for it. True the toy is nearly Cailean’s height, but it’s still ridiculous how expensive it is. He doesn’t mind though, not if it means seeing that happy look on his baby’s face as it lights up.

They walk hand in hand. Adin forgoes bagging the toy and watches as Cailean struggles to carry it. He offers to help, but Cailean pouts and shakes his head. When Adin checks the time, he notices they spent an hour in the store and his appointment is in thirty minutes.

“Are you hungry?” He asks Cailean.

Cailean looks pensive for a moment before shaking his head again, “no.”

Adin ruffles his hair and leads them to a small doctor’s office a few blocks away from the pediatrics’ clinic. The receptionist smiles at him upon entering and simply tells him to sign in since the doctor already sent his information through fax. Adin nods gratefully and takes a seat in the waiting room. It isn’t long when his name is called. Cailean trails behind him and once they enter the small room he helps him sit on a spare chair. The doctor waves at Cailean with a bright smile, but he hides behind his new plush and timidly waves back.

“So, what seems to be the problem Mr. Fionn?” Dr. Grant questions as she looks over his chart.

Adin lists his symptoms to her and she nods thoughtfully.

“Alright, let’s see what’s upsetting your stomach. Now lie back on the bed and pull your shirt up please,” she orders, “did you drink the 4 cups of water advised?”

“Yes,” Adin nods.

“Ok good, hon.”

Adin lays back as the technician prepares the machine which comes to life with a whir.

She unbuttons his jeans and he wriggles uncomfortably, but they’re only pulled down slightly. She doesn’t comment on the bruise darkening his pretty face and blossoming on his side as she squirts a cold gel that makes a shiver run through his spine. She gives him an apologetic smile as she presses the transducer onto his skin and smears the gel below his navel. Adin looks toward the ceiling, afraid of what the verdict will be while also holding the urge to pee. 

Dr. Grant presses the transducer a bit more and Adin holds his breath.

“Alright,” she says and turns off the machine as she presses a few keys.

Adin looks at her and her poker face reveals nothing.

Adin wipes his belly with tissues as he adjusts his clothes. Dr. Grant doesn’t look too worried. He’ll take that as a good sign.

“Well we definitely have a troublemaker on our hands,” she begins.

“A t-tumor?” Adin asks fearfully.

She finally faces him and shakes her head with a slight smile, “A fetus.”

“Fetus?” Adin breathes.

“A baby, Mr. Fionn,” she nods.

Adin’s hand settles on his stomach and he looks at her in disbelief but she’s not laughing and the world is starting to spin. Dr. Grant gently sits him on the table and tells him to mimic her breathing. He takes deep breaths and lets it out slowly until his racing heart calms down.

“A baby? My baby?” He asks breathlessly.

She smiles at him kindly and nods patiently, “a healthy little baby.”

“H- How ?” He asks.

“Looking back at your history I can only assume you were a twin in the womb, but your sister merged and left behind a fully functional uterus, the right equipment to carry a baby. This explains why your testosterone levels were below average and have estrogen. It isn’t uncommon to hear of twins merging in the womb but some males who have… homosexual tendencies tend to encounter unexpected pregnancies. However, this imbalance in hormones can cause your pregnancy symptoms to be stronger than what most women experience despite having everything for a pregnancy to take and be successful,” she explains.

Adin nods along, somewhat understanding.

“From the ultrasound you’re about six weeks along,” she adds, “I know you’re young and that’s why I want you to think about your options.”

“Options?”

“Yes, sweetheart. You can choose to continue this pregnancy or terminate,” she supplies.

Adin furrows his brows as he flinches away from her. Terminate ?

“I know this is overwhelming, especially when we take into account your case. You don’t have to decide now but you should think about it. If you can’t keep the baby there are also adoptions but you should have your decision in six weeks or better yet beforehand because terminating at twelve weeks pregnant or further along is dangerous and can lead to complications,” she informs solemnly.

Adin nods and takes a few pamphlets. She hands him a printed picture and he stares at it. She circles the small blob at the center and tell him it’s his baby. His heart swells with love at the sight. That’s his baby, healthy and growing accordingly. He stares amazed at the ultrasound picture and she gives him a few papers regarding his medical history and an explanation for his pregnancy as well as two more copies of the ultrasound.

“You still have a long way to go sweetie, so in the meantime fill this prescription of prenatal vitamins they can help control the nausea better,” she smiles, “I want to see you in four weeks understood?”

He takes the slip of paper and nods. She pats his shoulder encouragingly before he leaves the office with his heart racing. Cailean steals glances at him not knowing what is going on but Adin smiles at him and he decides that his mommy is okay.

When they get home their father isn’t there. He’s probably working to get money so he can spend it at the liquor store. Adin takes a moment to call Joseph. He needs someone more than anything right now, someone who can try to understand and won’t cast him out. As he waits, he makes lunch for three.

Cailean is in his chair; his fuzz of blonde hair barely reaches above the table. He eats contently though, with his legs swinging back and forth and sipping some apple juice. It’s then that there’s a knock on the door and Adin’s heart skyrockets again. He’s scared. He’s terrified of the disgust and hate he’ll see in Joseph’s eyes when he tells him.

“Hey Adin, what’s wrong?” Joseph asks as soon as they’re inside and Adin hugs him tightly.

He clings to him for dear life and Joseph begins to worry. Adin had told him he was going to the doctor because he realized that Joseph was right about being sick, a pretense so the older of the two wouldn’t worry. Now Joseph thinks of the worst case scenarios and he barely hears Adin’s answer, muffled by his shirt as the younger man hides his face in the crook of Joseph’s neck in shame.

“I’m pregnant.”

VIII

Joseph stares at the pictures in his hand having read and reread the medical report three times. He can’t make anything except for a small blob in the center, but the header says Baby Fionn and has Adin’s information. That’s a baby. A tiny life is in his friend’s body, growing steadily and healthy. He listens as Adin explains in blubbering nonsense about his pregnancy, but there’s only one thing he wants to know as he stares at the ultrasound.

“Who?”

“Wh-What?” Adin stops mid rant.

“Who touched you? Did they force you? Were you raped? Was it your dad?” Joseph asks.

A shiver runs down both their bodies at the mere thought. Then it’s not that abusive bastard, good. He just wishes Adin would ask for help, especially as Joseph notices the black bruise under his eye and who knows what other bruises he hides under his clothes. If he’s really pregnant, he fears for both their lives.

“I-I can’t, I’m sorry Joseph. I don’t know what to do, what do I do?” He asks panicked.

“First you need to calm down and tell me, please,” he begs.

Adin swallows thickly and nods, “I won’t tell you his name though.”

“Fair enough, I’d probably kill him anyway,” Joseph agrees.

“We met my first night at the bar. He was looking at me and I was kind of aroused. And no, I didn’t want it at first. It was my first time and I was scared. H-He wasn’t gentle. But I wanted it, I wanted him. It got so good Joseph and I wanted it but he doesn’t want me like that. I woke up and he… he humiliated me, insulted me and I believed every word,” he sniffles.

Joseph’s hand clenches into a fist, “Was he the one who called you a slut? That piece of shi-”

“Mommy,” Cailean interrupts forcing Joseph to stop.

“Mommy?”

“He, uh, started calling me mommy after our mom died, he doesn’t remember her,” Adin answers as he picks him up and settles him on his hip.

Joseph takes a deep breath to calm down his growing fury.

“Okay,” he begins calmly, “what do you want to do?”

“I don’t know, Joseph. I’m so scared ,” he whimpers.

Joseph soothes him and listens to his fears as Cailean breaks free and struggles to sit on the couch with his plush toy.

“Look inside sweetie and tell me what you want. Do you want this baby? If not, I’m sure you and I can gather enough money for the procedure to terminate,” he says.

“No, I… No,” Adin furrows his brows with a hand on his belly protectively.

“No?”

Adin’s eyes widen, “No, God no. I want this baby, it’s my baby.”

“Good,” Joseph smiles.

Adin breathes hard but a small laugh escapes, “I’m going to have a baby!”

“Congratulations,” Joseph nods.

His friend stares at his seemingly flat belly with wonder and Joseph is glad Adin can see the light in this situation.

“As much as I dislike the douche of your baby daddy, you need to tell him,” Joseph adds.

“What? Why? No,” Adin refuses.

“Adin,” Joseph sighs.

“No, he doesn’t… he won’t.  He’ll tell me to get rid of the baby, he thinks I’m a freak and he’ll only see our baby as an abomination, so no,” he shakes his head rapidly.

“Adin, listen to me,” Joseph orders gently.

Adin bites his lip and Joseph takes it as his cue, “How would you feel if someone were having your baby and you never knew. Wouldn’t you like to know if the roles were reversed?”

Adin is about to respond, but he’s stumped. Joseph is right. He would like to know if someone were having his baby. Maybe Xander wouldn’t want their baby, but Adin would, he’d want to be in their life no matter the situation. He can only offer a small nod.

“See? Now you need to tell him even if he rejects you and the baby. No matter what, I’ll still be here,” Joseph promises.

“You will?” Adin asks timidly.

“Of course, that’s what friends are for, right?”

Adin smiles, “yeah.”

“Okay, now you should really call him.”

“I don’t have his number,” Adin admits.

“You don’t?”

“N-No,” Adin mumbles, “please don’t be mad.”

“Why would I?”

“Joseph, I don’t know anything about him. All I got from that night was his first name,” Adin replies honestly.

“What about when he took you to his place, I’m assuming he took you home right?”

Adin nods, “it was a fancy apartment, a condo maybe.”

“Do you remember where it is?”

“I don’t think I could find it, after… after he humiliated me I ran,” Adin whispers brokenly, “I was embarrassed, angry, hurt, used and I ran.”

Joseph wraps him in a warm embrace, “it’s alright sweetheart. It’ll be okay. You and your baby are going to be fine. Whenever you want, we’ll go pick up your vitamins okay? You need to stay healthy and strong for your little munchkin, both munchkins.”

Joseph tickles Cailean’s foot and pretends to eat him. The baby bursts into bouts of laughter until he’s crying. As the sky darkens Joseph says he has to go and presses a kiss to both Cailean and Adin’s forehead. The door closes behind him and Adin cleans up a bit. He puts his baby boy to bed and as soon as his mop of blonde hair touches the pillow, he’s out like a light.  With a small smile Adin continues cleaning the kitchen until the front door opens. He holds his breath hoping his father won’t bother coming to the kitchen but he’s not so lucky.

“What’s there to eat?” He asks.

“N-Nothing,” Adin stutters.

He usually stammers over his words when he’s really upset or scared. His father only seems to get angry whenever he does.

“Well make something you slut,” he orders.

Adin bows his head as he nods and begins pulling out things from the fridge. There’s barely any food left and Adin doesn’t know what he can make with so little ingredients. Still, he doesn’t want another beating, not now with an innocent life inside of him.

He scrapes by with some fried rice mixed with chopped and steamed veggies. He adds a piece of chicken he was planning on using for Cailean’s food tomorrow but he’ll go shopping instead.

He places the plate on the table and waits as the man eats and gulps down two beers. The slam of the bottle startles him and he hurries to clear the table and wash the dishes. He feels eyes on his back as he cleans up and it makes him uneasy.

“Slut,” his dad slurs before getting up and heading to his bedroom with a slam of the door.

Adin breathes a sigh of relief and rubs his belly to soothe the threatening nausea.

“We’re okay baby,” he whispers softly, “we’re okay.”

IX

The place is empty, big and cold.

Xander throws the stupid documents on the table and downs the scalding coffee in one go. The bitter taste doesn’t register as he goes to his bedroom. The bedsheets are a mess and his eyes narrow when he sees a few droplets of red staining the sheets. He knows he wasn’t too gentle, but he never realized he had hurt the boy so much. He doesn’t even know his name.

Guilt and disgust churn and mix in his stomach.

With a scowl he leaves for work, the door slamming closed behind him. He can’t think about him, he needs to work, needs to concentrate.

But even when he arrives at the firm, his head is plagued with images. Images of bodies mingled together, merged into one.

He refuses to see anyone until he can focuse on a few files he has been putting off.

A knock on his office door interrupts him and he growls a soft, “come in.”

“Xander,” his brother greets.

Xander looks up from the paperwork and leans back in his chair, his shoulders tense and stress written on his face.

“What do you want, Dylan?”

Dylan’s brow furrows as he studies his brother, “What? Didn’t get a warm body last night?”

Xander’s scowl returns. If only he knew that his ill temper is because of a warm body.

Fuck , he thinks.

Dylan notices and decides that maybe he should leave his brother alone, if only for a few hours, if not a few days.

He shakes his head and stands from the seat he took in front of his brother’s desk, “Nevermind, I’ll let you be.”

Xander doesn’t even get the chance to retort. Dylan leaves without another word. Though just a little guilty, Xander is almost grateful. He doesn’t want to face the reality of the situation. He had sex with a boy and hurt him physically and emotionally. How low has he gotten? How could he have fallen for that boy’s treacherous mask of beauty?

Hours turn into days and days turn to weeks. Xander hasn’t seen anyone for almost four weeks now. He had continued his amorous behavior and fucked countless of women for the first few weeks but found he couldn’t orgasm. And to his horror, while he was with a pretty young slut in his bed, he had closed his eyes and imagined the young boy from many nights ago. Just the picture of perfection as the boy’s back arched and came on a scream of his name had Xander climaxing. He had pulled out hastily afterwards and chucked the used condom in the trash. He paid the the woman on her way out.

They never stay, he never lets them. But then that boy had slept in his bed, pressed to his side with his mop of hair resting on his chest.

He grabs his jacket and heads out, another pointless day at work. He can’t stay here. The building, this familiar room, is suffocating him with perfection he no longer is. He’s tempted to find that boy, go back to that bar and demand to have his wicked way with him again and again and again. He doesn’t. He walks to a different bar, a “normal” one, and takes a drink despite the early hour.

He finds he can’t finish the fiery whiskey. He pays, leaves a tip, and goes home instead.

A soft knock on the door brings him out of his stupor as he stands in the doorway of his bedroom. Taking a deep breath he hurries downstairs and yanks the door open.

There, standing in a light sweater, is his angel.

Those beautiful eyes widen slightly as they land on him and plush lips part in surprise as if he hadn’t expected Xander to be home or to even open the door. The thing is, Xander wasn’t supposed to be home, the boy notices by the suit he still wears. Xander knows he should demand to know why he’s here after he told him to disappear. Instead he finds himself drawn in.

“H-Hi,” he says shyly.

Xander snaps out of his own surprise and he narrows his eyes as he parts and harshly yanks him inside so no one will see him dressed as he is. A boy.

“What are you doing here?”

It’s been eight weeks. Eight long and torturous weeks.

The boy doesn’t say anything as he fiddles with something in his hands.  Xander is momentarily distracted and he almost misses what is said.

“What?” Xander asks as he stops breathing.

“I-I’m pregnant,” the boy repeats softly.

Xander stares at the young man.

“Do you want money?  Is that why your making this up?”

“I-I’m not lying!” He argues.

Xander is about to retort when the boy shoves a manila folder his way, his nimble hands trembling. Xander takes it reluctantly and opens the file. His eyes scan over the papers and his heart starts beating faster with every word he reads. Adin Fionn, nineteen years old, is pregnant. Eight weeks pregnant if he counts from the date typed on the papers. He looks up and sees the boy huddled, hiding his body.

“Mine?”

The boy nods with a small frown, “I don’t want your money.”

“Then what do you want? Why exactly are you here?” Xander wonders.

“I just wanted you to know,” Adin replies.

Xander grips Adin’s arm hard enough to leave bruises as he forces the boy to look at him. Xander notices the light bags under his tired eyes, how pale he is, and his hair shorter than when they first met. Adin tries to escape his grasp but Xander doesn’t relent.

“Why?” He demands.

“I thought that if it was reversed I would like to know if someone was having my baby, I just… I thought you had a right to know,” Adin answers and Xander feels the light shiver running through the other’s body.

“Bullshit,” Xander calls as he suddenly let’s go.

Adin stumbles back and the world is beginning to spin. He takes a deep breath as he leans against the wall.

“I bet you knew that you could get pregnant. How are you even sure that your problem is mine? It might be from one of your string of costumers.”

Xander only then notices how much paler Adin is, how his knees are about to give out. He just manages to catch him as Adin faints. For a moment he panics. He picks up the boy and carefully, ever so gently, lays him on the couch. He sits beside him and something inside him is curious. He lifts the teen’s sweater and shirt up, slowly, and he sees a small bump, barely noticeable but there. His stomach knots at the tangible evidence that Adin is pregnant and that little bump is his child, their child.

A soft groan reaches his ears and he looks up to see Adin slowly gaining consciousness as he takes a deep breath before sitting up, his clothes falling into place. Xander backs away while Adin carefully stands.

“I’m sorry,” Adin apologizes.

Xander doesn’t have time to interject before Adin continues.

“I thought you’d like to know about the baby, I-I know it was stupid. You probably hate us, hate me most of all. I’m a freak of nature I know but I only found out when they confirmed I was already pregnant,” he whispers hollowly, “I just… I saw your name and picture in the news for winning a defendant’s case and I remembered my way back. I knew it was you. I honestly don’t need your money, I can survive for my baby and myself. I just wanted you to at least know there’s someone out there that’s half yours because even if they never get to meet you at least you know I never kept the knowledge of their existence away from you.”

He pulls out a neatly folded paper and places it in Xander’s callous hand before he leaves with a soft sniffle. Xander watches him go like he did before and something adds to his turmoil, something he never thought to experience. He feels loss at watching him go.

He looks down at his hand and carefully unfolds the paper Adin carried with such tenderness in his hold. It’s an ultrasound picture. On the header it has Adin’s name, his information, the baby’s measurements and gestation period so far. At the bottom Xander reads, Baby’s first picture , in the teen’s scrawled hand writing.

A boy, very much male, is carrying his baby. Xander doesn’t know what to do. But he does know that he needs to find that boy. He needs him to answer questions. He was stupid to let him go a second time, especially now that Xander knows Adin is pregnant with, possibly, his baby. He shouldn’t have let him go, not when he now knows his name is Adin and not some boy he thought he’d never see again. But, he’s aware that he needs to figure out what he wants. Does he truly want to be a father? Does he really want to settle down? Does he even want the baby?

“Hello? Mr. Darrow?”

“I need you to look into Adin Fionn.”

X

Xander looks at the screen before him. His eyes are briefly drawn to the ultrasound picture resting on his desk almost innocently. His heart is already attached to the idea of the baby and he hates himself for slowly falling for Adin’s lies. Next to the ultrasound rests Adin’s information in a neat folder, the one he asked for nearly a week ago. He hasn’t dared to look for him, feeling that if he does he’ll only fall for Adin’s manipulative games.

He knows that he should confront him. There’s a small part of him that is considering the possibility that Adin is telling the truth, that if he really is pregnant then the baby is his. He shakes his head to get rid of those stupid thoughts but decides that he’ll go to Adin’s house right after work. He knows where Adin lives now and he’ll use that to his advantage. He’ll find him and interrogate him. No matter how much he wants to distance himself from the reality of the truth, Adin’s words ring through his skull until it’s all he hears.

---

Joseph stands before him with his brows furrowed and eyes narrowed in anger.

“When were you going to tell me?” He demands, his hand on his hip.

“I had to tell him,” Adin says.

“You didn’t have to go alone,” Joseph retorts.

“He wouldn’t have believed me, he doesn’t believe me. I just… he had to at least know . Even if my baby never meets their daddy, he knows I never kept them away from him,” Adin whispers.

“He only managed to stress you,” Joseph points out.

“He doesn’t believe me anyway. He cared enough to carry me to the couch when I fainted, and maybe he’s not heartless, but I know he has doubts. I-I understand him, I wouldn’t believe me either,” Adin defends.

“He treated you worse than scum Adin,” Joseph argues.

“And I knew that was going to happen. He isn’t exactly kind, but I just needed to tell him, can we… can we please drop it? I know you’re mad I went alone but that was a week ago and it’s done and over with. I’m sorry Joseph,” Adin begs.

Joseph takes a deep breath but nods, “Okay. I’m sorry. I’m stressing you out even more, I know you don’t need that right now.”

“I’m okay, I just… I don’t know,” he shrugs.

Joseph offers him a small smile, “Now, how are you and that little munchkin you carry?”

“We’re fine,” Adin smiles as he places a hand on his belly which will only get bigger, “They’re already the size of a grape.”

“A pretty little grape,” Joseph compliments.

Adin nods in agreement. With a heavy sigh Joseph stands. They were talking in Adin’s room while Cailean takes a nap, but now Joseph has to go to work like he does every night. He ruffles Adin’s hair and kisses Cailean’s head.

“I’ll see you later,” he waves.

“See you,” Adin replies.

The door closes behind him and Adin takes a deep breath. He hasn’t been feeling well recently, but he’s not going to worry Joseph anymore. He forced Adin to stop working at the bar for the baby’s safety so he brings him a share of the money he makes working as Tracy. Adin refused at first, but Joseph simply raised a brow at him and he gave in.

He smiles at the memory as he rubs his belly. Maybe Xander won’t be in their baby’s life but he has a friend that cares for him and his baby, it’s all he can ask for.

The front door slams open and he jumps startled at the sudden sound. He stands up from where he sat on the floor and holds his breath. The door to his room opens and his father stands in the doorway fuming red. Adin begins to tremble in fear as the man takes a step forward and yanks him by his arm.

“You fucking slut bringing your disgusting boyfriends over,” he growls.

“N-No, Joseph isn’t-”

Adin stumbles back by the force of the punch against his chest. On reflex he immediately covers his stomach to protect the tiny life he carries in his womb. The man notices and he pushes him until Adin is on the floor curling up to find out what he hides. His father is just about to kick him when Adin screams scared.

“Please stop!”

“You slut,” his father hisses as he grips his hair painfully tight, “asking me to stop when you need to learn your lesson. When will you ever realize what a disgusting freak you are for liking men? I’m only trying to fix you and get my son back!”

“You can’t fix what is not broken,” Adin sobs.

A kick lands on the side of his stomach and Adin gasps at the sudden flare of pain.

“P-Please,” he whimpers, “d-don’t, I-I’m pregnant.”

His father stops mid kick as his eyes land on Adin’s trembling form, hands on his stomach.

“What?” He demands.

“I-I’m pregnant, please don’t hurt us,” Adin begs, “p-please.”

As if he’s truly seeing his son for the first time Adin’s father stumbles away. There’s no disgust on his face, only shock and sudden fear. Instead of continuing his beatings he leaves and Adin only has a brief moment of respite when his stomach starts hurting badly. He whimpers and curls up on himself but unlike last time the pain only gets worse. There are black spots dancing in front of his vision and he vaguely hears Cailean’s sudden cry for his mommy.

---

Xander looks at the house shrouded in darkness. It’s almost ten o’clock but he’d rather face Adin now than never. He walks up the cement steps to the front door. He knocks. No one answers. He hears someone crying and he sees the light on but no one opens the door. He looks at the address programmed in his phone and he knows this is the right house.

His hand goes to the door knob and with dread in his heart he realizes it’s open. He walks through the house and notices it’s clean but he’s distracted by the shrieking that’s coming from upstairs. He hurries up the steps and follows the piercing cries to a slightly opened door which he pushes in. He finds Adin on the floor, unconscious, with a small boy crying over him, trying to shake him awake.

“Adee!” He wails hoarsely, “Mommy!”

How long has he been crying? How long has Adin been unconscious?

He rushes to his side and wide teary eyes look at him in fear, but he won’t let go of Adin.

“What happened?”

“Adee,” the little boy whimpers.

Xander takes out his phone and dials the first person he thinks of.

Dylan.

It doesn’t take long for Dylan to arrive and he takes in the scene in confusion.

“Get the boy,” Xander orders.

“Am I helping you kidnap somebody?” Dylan asks while scooping the sobbing three year old in his arms.

“No, I found him like this,” he replies as he picks up Adin’s lifeless body.

A soft shiver runs through Adin’s body and Xander can see beads of sweat rolling down his flushed face. Xander rushes to his car while Dylan follows to his. He carefully places Adin in the back and takes off his jacket to cover Adin. He breaks a few speeding laws but manages to find Adin’s doctor, the office name printed on the papers he read without thought so many nights ago. Those distant memories constantly plaguing his mind and now he’s rushing inside, Adin’s body trembling in his arms.

Someone rips him away from his grasp and Xander is left alone in the waiting room. His brother is panting when he arrives with the baby in his arms sucking his thumb, soft sniffles escaping him as he clutches a plush toy.

“What the hell is going on Xander?” Dylan asks breathless.

Xander doesn’t answer, he can’t. His entire being is thrumming with worry. What the hell happened?

XI

Xander watches over Adin who appears like he’s sleeping on the big hospital bed. He knows the truth though. He looks at all the wires connected to Adin’s body leading to many machines. A soft knock on the door brings him back to the present and he looks up to see a doctor walk in.

“Hello,” she greets, “who might you be?”

“Xander Darrow, I’m Mr. Fionn’s… lover,” he answers.

“I’m sorry and I am aware of your concern but only immediate family is permitted here,” she replies.

“I,” Xander hesitates, “I am family.”

The doctor stares at him as he waits for it to click.  When he realizes it’ll take too long he sighs.

“I’m the other father of the baby he carries.”

Realization dawns on the woman immediately and she relents.

She feels pity as Xander brokenly asks, “How are they doing?  How… How is he?”

“His body is fighting an infection which is causing the fever,” she begins.

That grasps Xander’s attention tightly, like a vice around his neck, “Fever?”

“Yes. We’re hoping his fever goes down, but as we see, it is rising steadily and unfortunately it can lead to a miscarriage,” she replies.

“A miscarriage?” Xander repeats breathless.

“His body won’t recognize the fetus in an attempt to get rid of the infection and will reject it,” she explains solemnly.

“His body is going to force a miscarriage… No, he’s stronger than that,” he refuses to believe that Adin will lose the baby.

He doesn’t know the young man, but he knows enough to call Adin a survivor, a fighter.

“We’re trying to lower his fever but we can’t administer strong drugs because they can harm the fetus, this is up to Adin and how his body can handle the stress.  If by some reason Adin’s health worsens and his body can’t get rid of the fetus, we’ll have to intervene or we risk losing both,” she says.

Xander tries to process the words in his mind and the doctor offers a pat on his shoulder before leaving. He grits his teeth as he takes out his phone to call their family doctor. He needs confirmation. He needs to know that Adin is truly pregnant and that there’s something they can do to prevent a miscarriage.

He doesn’t know why, can’t fathom why he’s affected by Adin and the baby.

His heart aches though.

Just the mere thought of losing either, losing him, and he can’t comprehend why .

Dylan enters the room just then, the baby they found in the house is fast asleep and he gently places him on the small couch next to the hospital bed. Xander can’t help the dislike he feels toward the three year old. 

He didn’t imagine him calling Adin his mommy and something is still brewing in his chest, something akin to jealousy at the thought that the baby Adin carries isn’t the first, that his seed wasn’t the first to take root in Adin’s womb. 

At the same moment he felt this festering jealousy he saw red because Adin lied to him. He -*knew he could get pregnant and now is using the baby against him, he just can’t figure out his end game and it pisses him off. 

He’s being manipulated, but he cares .

And he can’t leave Adin, not right now.

Dylan doesn’t say anything, for that he’s grateful. Xander doesn’t think he can face the truth just yet. He doesn’t think he’s strong enough to admit to his brother or himself that he’s gay. 

Thing is.  He still doesn’t think he is.

It’s just Adin, something about him.

He shakes his head and turns his gaze to the machine wrapped around Adin’s waist, the monitor resting on his belly just below his navel. It’s the only reassurance he has that the baby is still alive, still fighting. He swallows thickly. He blames himself. Maybe, just maybe, if he had been with Adin, if he hadn’t let him go then they wouldn’t be in the hospital with their baby at the brink of death.

Their baby , he closes his eyes tightly.

A disheveled woman stands in the doorway panting for breath, her heels in her hand as her purse slides down her shoulder. Both Xander and Dylan stand to keep her away from intruding the room, but she brushes past them, picks up the baby and settles beside Adin. She looks up at them with narrowed eyes and asks, “who are you?”

“Who are you , what do you think you’re doing here?” Xander demands defensively.

“I’m Joseph Blair and the hospital called to inform me my best friend was hospitalized, I am his emergency contact and as far as I know, you are not supposed to be here,” she declares.

“Joseph… Blair?”

“Yes,” she replies and then Xander realizes their mistake.

“You’re one of those entertainers.”

“And you’re the douche that got my friend pregnant, aren’t you?”

Xander turns pale and Dylan stares at his brother surprised before the shock disappears and he glares at the woman.

“I wouldn’t be spewing lies if I were you,” Dylan glares.

“Then if neither of you are the baby’s daddy, then you need to leave, now ,” Joseph glares.

“Let the kid go and leave,” Dylan retorts, looking a minute away from taking back Cailean into his arms.

“Just tell me,” he looks at Xander, “you’re him, right?”

“Yes,” Xander answers honestly.

Joseph shakes his head, “If he loses the baby, I swear you’ll pay.”

Dylan glowers at the threat.

Xander swallows thickly but he determinedly takes a seat beside Adin’s bed, “I’m not leaving him.”

“You had no problem kicking him out,” Joseph replies, “you used and hurt him. He’s irreparable you know? He cries himself to sleep when he thinks no one is looking. He’s pregnant with a baby already at home. He’s beaten on a regular basis because he can’t escape the shitty life he has but he still tries for both his babies.”

Xander is filled with rage at the confession.

“Who-”

“His dad,” Joseph replies softly as he brushes the baby’s hair away and Xander can see a faint scar on his temple, “ever since he came out the beatings started, but it got worse when their mom died or so he told me, though I call BS and that man has always been hurting him.”

“Their?”

“Baby Cailean Fionn is Adin’s baby brother, but since their mom’s death he’s taken to calling him mommy,” Joseph smiles sadly, “I was surprised when I heard him the first time.”

Xander feels a heavy weight lift from his chest as he looks at the sleeping boy who holds his plush tightly in his arms.

“Why won’t he tell anyone?” Dylan asks.

Joseph looks up a frown playing on his lips. He had asked the same thing until he realized the answer as he watched his best friend play with his baby boy a few nights ago, “because they’ll take Cailean away from him.”

Understanding dawns on Xander and he looks at Adin, his face flushed and body covered in a cold sweat. His heart aches and he hopes, he prays for the first time, that Adin fights the fever so he can keep the baby. He’s being selfish, but he can’t imagine Adin losing their baby after losing so much. He lost his mother and he lost his father. If he loses their baby, he’ll lose himself.

“His father doesn’t know,” Xander deduces.

“I doubt it. That would mean Adin would’ve lost the baby a while ago. He’s done everything to stay healthy and protect his babies,” Joseph replies.

“Still, how can a man hurt his own children?” Dylan wonders.

For once, Xander and Dylan are glad their father is a stoic, cold, and distant father. Had they been in Adin’s shoes, they would’ve been beaten for any and every imperfection.

Xander and Dylan excuse themselves to go outside for a coffee at the cafeteria. Dylan asks Joseph if he’d like a drink, the young man declines and instead curls up around baby Cailean as he waits for Adin to wake up. When they’re alone Dylan turns to his brother and sees the bags under his eyes, the scruff on his face thicker, and his face drawn in worry.

“Do you mind explaining?” Dylan asks in the silence.

Xander takes a deep breath before looking at his brother. He needs to tell him, he can’t hide this, can’t continue to lie to himself. He needs someone to know, to understand what he’s going through, if only a little, “Adin is pregnant with my baby and the doctors say that if he gets worse he’ll lose the baby.”

XII

Dylan silently watches his brother pace the hall, nervous and afraid. His brother would never admit that, but he can see the fear Xander hides with each ticking minute. He doesn’t know what to think of the situation.

Joseph had changed to look male again and Dylan has to ask what happened. He’s ashamed to learn his brother rejected Adin. To be honest, however, he would have done the same. He wouldn’t simply believe that a man could be pregnant even if he had proof. The thing with evidence is that it can be falsified, he knows, but he doesn’t think Adin is capable of something so serious, not when he’s hospitalized and in danger.

Dr. Morell arrives then and he pats both boys. He doesn’t comment on the confusing situation but he does notice how tense Xander is and wonders what is happening. He gets all the information he needs from Dr. Grant who informs him of Adin’s condition. He briefly wonders if Xander is the father, but as far as he knows Dylan is gay, not the youngest Darrow.

Nonetheless he assures the boys that he’ll see what he can do to try and save the fetus and carrier.

He reads over Mr. Fionn’s chart and takes his temperature. With a grimace he notices that the fever is rising and he presses the light bulge on his patient’s stomach to try and determine if the baby is safe. Despite being asleep, Adin whines in discomfort.

He calls Xander in for his help. The younger man readily helps get Adin undressed so they can press cool cloths dripping water onto his fevered body. Adin shivers, his teeth chattering.

“Careful, we need to monitor the fetus to make sure it’s not in distress,” he warns.

Adin starts thrashing and he orders Xander to dress him in a pair of loose sweats and a large tee. His belly remains exposed and as they lay him down again, Dr. Morell takes his temperature once more.

“His fever is going down, slowly, but as long as we can stabilize him, they should be getting healthier. I’m just concerned that he’s underweight, “ he says.

“They’ll be fine? Both?”

“Yes, son. Now be honest, the baby is yours correct?”

Xanders nods, “please save them.”

“I’m sure Dr. Grant said this before, but it’s up to Adin now. He’ll wake up shortly, the fever low enough to give him a break of consciousness.”

Xander takes a seat and waits patiently. The three year old, Cailean, toddles inside the room and he crawls on top of Xander, settling on his lap like he belongs there.

“Mommy wake up soon?” He asks.

“Yeah, mommy will wake up soon,” Xander nods.

“Mommy sick?”

“Yeah, but he’ll get better,” he promises.

Xander continues to talk with Cailean about anything and everything. Cailean tells him that he was sleeping and then found mommy sleeping on the floor. Xander asks if a bad man ever hurt him or mommy. He felt a shudder run through the baby’s body and he held him a little tighter.

“I’s scare,” Cailean mumbles.

“Why sweetie?” Xander softens his voice.

“I want mommy uh-wake,” he yawns.

“He’ll wake up soon,” Xander replies, “he has to. He’s strong, I know he is.”

A soft groan escapes pale dry lips as bright eyes flutter open. Adin feels cold and he shivers uncontrollably as he snuggles in his caccoon, the blanket too thin for his liking.

“You’re awake,” the man’s soft voice says.

Adin looks to the side with a sniffle, his head feels heavy like lead and there’s a pounding headache blinding him. His hand is trembling as he tries to rub the sleep from his eyes, but he feels drowsy and weak. He tries to sit up and the person beside him helps him, slowly and careful. He looks up and despite the blurriness he manages to catch a glimpse of a man he once thought he’d never see again.

“Xander?” He croaks.

“Hey, easy,” Xander whispers.

Adin’s brows furrow in confusion but as he looks around he realizes he’s not home. The room is sterile white and smells of antiseptic. With a soft whimper he clutches at Xander’s shirt sleeve.

“W-What happened?” He asks.

“Shh, you’re okay, deep breaths,” Xander replies.

“W-What happened?” Adin repeats distraught, “W-What about the b-baby?”

“You’re okay,” Xander assures.

Adin looks at his belly and sees a strap around his waist, a heart monitor for the baby settled below his navel. He bites his lip to stop a sob from escaping as he cradles his belly carefully. He only then realizes the IV needle in his hand, taped to his skin and adding to his bruises. He doesn’t know what happened, but he doesn’t feel well, his body aches and his tummy hurts enough to leave him breathless.

“C-Cailean?”

“He’s here,” Xander replies.

Adin looks at the baby in Xander’s arms and he feels tears well up in his eyes. Realizing how much Adin needs this right now, Xander carefully gives him the baby. Adin presses him against his side and hugs him tight. Xander only watches and makes sure Adin is careful when he takes the baby in his arms. Cailean snuggles against his mommy’s warmth and let’s a soft sigh of relief escape.

“Did he hurt you?” Xander questions.

Adin faces Xander and bites his lip before nodding. He remembers begging his dad to stop, remembers confessing his pregnancy in a desperate attempt to stop the beatings. He remembers the look of horror on the man’s face just before he passed out.

Xander knows he was hurt. He saw the bruises on his pale body and he had felt anger bubble inside his chest but had denied it. The proof isn’t a lie. Everything is before him and he refuses to let Adin go back to the clutch of a monster.

“You need to rest,” Xander says and gently pushes him down until he’s lying on the bed again.

“P-Please tell me, what happened to our baby?” He begs.

“You’re both safe, you just have to keep fighting and stay strong, understood?”

Adin manages a weak nod.

His eyes feel tired and his breathing slows and evens. He feels the press of soft lips against his forehead as he carefully turns on his side and lets himself succumb to sleep. Xander stands guard and protects both Cailean and Adin while they sleep.

He made a mistake before, he won’t make another.

XIII

As Adin falls asleep Xander takes the opportunity to stretch. He stands up with a groan, he’s been beside Adin for almost an hour. With a soft look on his face, Xander decides he needs to leave to freshen up. He’s been in the hospital for nearly two days and frankly he’s tired. For now, knowing that Adin is stable is enough.

He scrubs at his face and grimaces at how thick his scruff has grown into a beard instead of trimmed perfection. Decidedly, he makes his way toward the door, but is stopped when he hears a soft whine. He looks back and finds Cailean sitting up and looking around somewhat confused.

“Wanna go bathwoom,” he says.

Xander carefully plucks him from the bed and places him on the tiled floor. The three year old immediately runs to the bathroom adjacent to the room and relieves himself. Xander makes sure he flushes and washes his hands and as he does so , he thinks of his baby, the baby Adin carries. Will they look like him or Adin? Will they toddle around like Cailean?

“I’m hungwy,” Cailean complains.

Xander has a fond smile as he picks up the baby, “let’s go eat.”

“B-But, m-mommy,” he calls, his bottom lip wobbling as he stares at the occupied bed with wide eyes that remind Xander of Adin.

“Mommy is tired, he needs to rest so while he sleeps we’ll go eat an early dinner, buy some new clothes for you, maybe a new toy if you want,” Xander offers.

“Weally?”

“Yeah,” Xander nods.

Cailean wraps his arms around Xander’s neck and nods his assent to leave. His brother headed for the office a while ago and Xander called in sick for the two days, he left the message with a secretary trying to avoid his father by all means. He knows Dylan can handle anything in his absence, but father won’t be pleased and then he’ll have to confront him.

For now, he gets rid of those thoughts. He drives to a nearby Burger King and orders chicken fingers per request. He’s not much of a fast food eater and decides on a chicken sandwich. They get their meal and Cailean pulls at his pant leg as he walks toward a table.

“Can I have a cwown?”

Xander looks at Cailean who is pointing at a bronze crown with the restaurant’s logo. He finds that he can’t deny those pleading eyes and he picks up a crown, adjusts it to a smaller size and places it on top of Cailean’s golden curls. The boy touches the crown in awe with brilliant eyes.

“Thank you,” he grins brightly.

Xander returns the gesture as they take a seat and begin to eat. Cailean insisted on sitting in a “grown up” chair and he swings his tiny feet back and forth in utter delight. When they finish, Xander takes them to a store nearby and lets Cailean look around. He’s absolutely amazed and Xander let’s him pick out an outfit. He tries the clothes to find that they fit perfectly. The next thing Xander chooses are pajamas. Cailean exclaims excitedly when he sees batman pajamas with a little cape attached to the back and everything. He’s smitten with it and it’s then Xander notices that Cailean never had nice clothes. What he wears now are grey sweats torn at the bottom from constant use and a t-shirt stained from these past days.

The cashier smiles at him flirtatiously, but he simply swipes his card after she’s done scanning the items. He takes the bag and ignores her advances. He doesn’t understand how a woman can thrust herself at him.  What if he were married? What if Cailean was his son?  Did she not even see him?

He shakes his head and takes Cailean’s hand.

“Do you want a toy?”

Cailean hums as he thinks about it but shakes his head, his curly hair wild and messy, “no.”

“No?”

True Xander hasn’t exactly spent time with children, but he doubts someone would bypass the opportunity for a toy.

“Mommy alweady bought me toy,” he replies, “Me happy with Ellie.”

“Ellie,” Xander smiles.

“Showt fo elafant,” he replies.

“That’s a pretty name,” Xander agrees.

“Can we go to mommy now?” Cailean asks with a tilt of his head, the crown nearly slipping.

“First we’ll go home so we can take a bath and change,” Xander replies.

“I don wanna go home,” Cailean frowns as he pales in fear, stopping completely on their way to the car.

“No, we’re not going back there, we’re going to my home, is that okay?”

Cailean nods, his tense muscles seeming to relax, “yes.”

Xander has never given a kid a bath so he tries his best as he fills the tub. He washes Cailean’s greasy hair from days spent in the hospital. While Cailean plays with the bubbles in the water afterwards, Xander takes the opportunity to trim his beard down to a light stubble. He washes his face and as he looks at his reflection he appears more human.

“Done!” Cailean exclaims.

Xander unplugs the drain and rinses the suds off Cailean’s clean body before wrapping him in a fluffy towel. The little boy demands to put on his new batman pj’s so he can show mommy when they go back. Xander obliges and when he’s changed, he brushes the wet hair from any tangles. It isn’t long before he falls asleep and Xander covers him with a blanket before heading to the bathroom to take his own shower. He doesn’t waste too much time and he dresses in a black v-neck with dark blue jeans. He lets his hair out without styling it slick back. He feels comfortable whereas before he was uptight and tense. He never really wears casual clothes and is surprised that they fit him after months of ignoring them.

It’s late when they leave and head to the hospital, but visiting hours don’t apply to him or Joseph so long as they’re quiet. Cailean has more of a right to stay at the hospital, but he’s too young. The nurses are completely smitten with him, enchanted by his adorableness.

Xander is careful so as not to startle the toddler as he shakes him awake gently, “Com’on Cailean, wake up sweetheart.”

He’s surprised for a moment, never thinking an endearment could roll off his tongue so easily.

“Mommy?” He groans awake.

“Sorry buddy, we’ll go see mommy now, okay?”

“Uh-kay,” he yawns and demands to be carried with his arms outstretched.

With an amused smile he does so and straps Cailean in the back seat, he’s glad he bought the toddler car seat while they were shopping so he won’t be penalized for endangering a minor. He still drives at the speed limit, or as close to it as possible, just as precaution.

When they arrive Xander finds Adin awake and sitting up. His beautiful eyes land on him and Cailean. Xander can see tears staining his cheeks but as he looks at Cailean who runs toward him, he wipes them away.

“Mommy!” Cailean calls excitedly, his little cape fluttering behind him.

“Hey,” Adin whispers hoarsely.

Xander is aware that he lost his voice and his throat is no doubt sore.

He takes a seat beside the bed but doesn’t say anything. He lets Cailean chatter away with so much energy. He tells his mommy about their shopping trip and how he was king of the chicken finger kingdom, but forgot to bring his crown. Adin listens enraptured and comments when he can. Eventually Cailean is tuckered out and he falls asleep snuggled against Adin’s side with a mumbled, “’andel the best.”

“You should rest,” Xander comments, it’s the first thing he’s said since arriving.

“Y-You don’t have to be here,” Adin whispers.

Xander’s brow furrows, “what do yo-”

“Someone stopped by,” he interrupts, “I-I don’t know who, but they told me to leave you alone.”

Xander’s blood runs cold.

“What?” He demands.

“They said to leave you alone,” he repeats and a single tear slides down his pale cheek, “that I was ruining your life, your future, that I’m a nobody.”

Adin whimpers as he continues breathlessly, “I-I told you that I don’t need your money. I left you alone because you said so. I-I told you that you didn’t have to be a part of our baby’s life, i-if you really don’t want the baby then leave us alone. Please, I know you have your life ahead of you and a bright future and I know we would only bring you down, but don’t send someone else to hurt me because I can’t Xander, I really can’t anymore.”

Xander’s hand balls into a fist, but he calms down enough to be rational. He cups Adin’s cheek and leans his forehead against the younger’s.

“I didn’t send anyone.  I was angry and confused about you and the baby… about me, but I didn’t… I wouldn’t, not after all you’ve gone through.”

Adin sniffles as he tries to push the man away.

Xander is having none of that.

He holds the younger’s hand and stops him from hurting himself.

“Please,” Xander begs softly, “please believe me.  I don’t care what happened between us in the past. I don’t care that we don’t know each other, we have all the time in the world, but believe me when I say I want you and the baby in my life. I want you both and Cailean,” Xander whispers.

Adin stops breathing.

“Please,” Xander continues, “if you’re willing to give me a chance I will never let you get hurt, not again.  I will never hurt you again.”

Xander bends down until their lips press together in a chaste kiss.

Adin melts into the touch with a soft sigh and he carefully lies down. Xander can feel the fever flare under his fingertips and he calls for a doctor as Adin’s breathing evens into small labored puffs.

XIV

Dylan’s lips form in a thin line as he purses them tightly.

He hadn’t meant to intrude, but he knows exactly who the man that stopped by was.  And he knows that Xander had nothing to do with it.  If anything, Xander would never send someone to be his messenger boy.

With a click of his tongue he turns and leaves the hospital, ready to confront the man who’s set on ruining something so good for Xander.

Dylan walks down the hall with hands clenched tight into fists. His knuckles are cold white, anger pulsing through his veins with each step he takes. His face is blotched red in rage with his brows furrowed and eyes narrowed. His footsteps echo through the hall as he approaches wooden double doors. He forgoes knocking and simply opens the doors. The man behind a mahogany desk stands unsurprised, as if he were expecting him. His stern gaze never changing only serves to infuriate Dylan more. He doesn’t speak. He’s smart enough not to fall for the man’s manipulative games.

An amused smirk slowly creeps on the older man’s face, “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“You already know,” Dylan replies.

“Ah, yes, Adin Fionn was it?”

“What did you do?” He demands.

“Nothing,” is the nonchalant reply.

Dylan offers the man a smile as he pulls out a chair and makes himself comfortable, “what did you do?”

The man’s smile falls and is quickly replaced with a scowl as he retakes his seat as well.

“I didn’t do anything,” he answers.

Dylan sees the glint in the older man’s eyes and recognizes it as frustration.

“I thought you knew everything, why sit around and attempt to play games?” Dylan questions, his tensed shoulders relaxing, “why send Gerald to spy on us?”

The man doesn’t like his reply, it’s shown by the way his fist clenches and flexes.

“You could’ve talked to us, to Xander.  You could’ve asked him.  Instead you play games and send your right hand man to spy on us.”

“Then why don’t you play along if you’re so sure this is a game?”

“I don’t know what you did, not everything. All I know is that you sent Gerald to the hospital and threatened a nineteen year old boy to stay away from Xander,” Dylan answers, “What did you tell him?  Threaten him?”

“Xander has been preoccupied with that boy for no apparent reason. He doesn’t even have a case or a sufficient reason to be my son’s distraction. Xander is an efficient lawyer, one who has no time to waste on annoying teens trying to figure out their future. Our future is already made, time is money.  Gerald only went to investigate Xander’s whereabouts.  Nothing more, nothing less.”

“Your son sounds wonderful,” Dylan rolls his eyes.

“You were once like him,” His father recounts.

“I’m not your perfect soldier anymore,” Dylan reminds and his heart pounds hard against his chest, “I broke loose from your ties a long time ago.”

“You could have had it all,” he replies.

“Xander was always more like you. He wanted to be your perfect soldier, he always wanted to be in your place. I was never like him, like you. I could never see myself sitting in your chair, in your shoes, bitter. I’m not your son, you’ve made it clear since the day I stopped being perfect. I want something so much more. I want to understand who I am. I want to be able to love without being judged but most of all I want something that wasn’t like you and my mother. I never saw her smile, never saw you smile. I don’t even know you,” Dylan retorts.

Before the man can answer he stands from his seat, “Stay away from Adin Fionn. He hasn’t done anything to you. Xander knows what he’s doing. He’s not a little kid anymore and you can’t keep him on a leash forever, the sooner you realize that, the better. I hope you have a good day Mr. Steven Darrow.  And keep your bloodhound to yourself.”

He walks out the door without so much of a glance behind him. He’s tired of this endless argument.

---

Xander stays in the hospital for the next two days. Every time his eyes land on Cailean, he thinks he falls in love with the idea of having his own children. He realizes he won’t let Adin go back to that bastard that abused him and Cailean and he’s willing to take both of them in, to fill the emptiness that haunts him whenever he goes home from work. His cell phone rings and he answers without checking the caller ID.

He recognizes that voice, so unmistakable and strict.

His father reprimands him for missing work, but with a tired sigh he responds, “I have never taken a vacation or a break, deciding to take a few days off shouldn’t be a problem so if there’s nothing else to discuss then we’ll talk later.”

He hangs up and passes a hand through his hair. A soft groan makes his eyes snap to the bed where Adin is slowly waking up. Both Adin and their baby have been monitored for the past few days and Xander is relieved the younger boy is being discharged.

“How do you feel?”

“Okay,” Adin replies softly.

His voice is still hoarse and his throat is sore, but he feels better. He doesn’t feel weak and lethargic and the world isn’t constantly spinning uncontrollably.  He sits up and smiles as Xander abandons his chair in favor for the small space created on the bed. His large callous hand cups the small bump that’s their baby and Adin sighs in contentment.

A soft knock on the door is heard before Joseph enters the room dressed in a tight black dress and high heels while Cailean holds his hand, ice cream marring his face.

“Are we interrupting something?” He asks with a quirk of his brow.

Xander takes a deep breath. He was captivated by Adin’s beauty as a girl and it always angers him when he’s reminded that he was tricked. Still, he knew the possibility that Adin wasn’t female and he took a risk.

It was his own fault for falling in lo- lust.

He shouldn’t blame anyone other than himself.

“No,” Xander replies.

“And how do you feel Adin?”

“I’m fine,” Adin answers with an amused smile and a gleam in his eyes.

Xander wishes he could be the one to provoke that soft beautiful and genuine smile. Cailean pulls his hand and asks to be picked up. Xander gladly does so, almost easily. Adin’s cheeks turn a rosy hue, a healthy glow unlike his feverish skin from days ago.

“The old man left, he’s getting even worse with the whole drinking thing,” Joseph informs solemnly.

Adin frowns at that as he plays with Cailean’s hand, “I guess we’ll have to go back home.”

“Joseph, could you give us a moment?” Xander asks.

Adin watches as his friend bites his lip and takes his leave, though reluctantly. The teen’s heart skyrockets in his chest as Xander lets Cailean crawl to Adin’s side.

“Stay with me?”

Adin’s wide eyes snap to him in surprise, “w-what?”

“Stay with me, come and live with me. You were right. I was angry at myself. I’m risking everything I am for you, Cailean, and our baby. I made many mistakes but not everyone is perfect and I fell from my high horse when I met you. I want to be a part of our baby’s life, but I don’t want you back there where that man can hurt you again. Despite our differences, I would never want to see you hurt again Adin. I saw the bruises, the scars and I never knew someone so pure could be so broken. I’m sorry Adin. I’m sorry I didn’t know before and became someone else to fear,” Xander explains.

Adin swallows thickly. Xander wants to be a part of their baby’s life. He can’t be selfish. He can’t keep Xander from their baby and now he has the chance to escape his dad’s clutch if he agrees. For a moment he wants to say no. But he can’t. He can’t be selfish and lose his baby if he had a chance and declined because he was scared of falling. Except, he knows it’s already too late. The sincerity shines in those gorgeous eyes as they stare into his, open and honest.

The older man brushes his  wavey hair behind his ear and Adin’s throat closes. His eyes flutter closed at the soft caress and he takes a deep breath, “Okay.”

It’s already too late.

He already fell.

XV

Adin holds onto Cailean’s hand tightly, too afraid to let go.  But those brilliant eyes widen as Cailean takes in the familiar apartment.  His fearful grip loosens once he realizes he’s safe, realizes their father is not in sight.  He smiles brightly at his mommy and it’s then that Adin feels a hand on his lower back gently urging him further inside.  Biting his lip, he realizes he can’t go back now.  His heart is beating wildly and he takes a few deep breaths to calm down.

“I assume Cailean won’t want to sleep alone so you can take the guest bedroom next to mine.  I ordered a bed for Cailean so you won’t have to share.  It’s already assembled,” Xander says as he leads them to the aforementioned room.

“Thank you,” Adin whispers, his gaze lowered.

Cailean yawns and rubs his sleepy eyes sluggishly as he toddles around.  Adin picks him up as Xander leads them to the guest bedroom and as soft snores tickle his neck, Adin carefully places his baby boy on the smaller bed just beside the one he’ll occupy.  

 He takes a deep breath and decides to dig through the duffle that Xander carried for him.  He finds clean pajamas and he takes the opportunity to strip and change Cailean first.  His baby boy pouts and frowns at being jostled, but Adin finally manages to get him into something more comfortable before laying him down again.  As soon as his head of ringlets ruffled and messy, no doubt tangled, rests on the fluffy pillow, his eyes droop closed and his breathing evens.

With a fond smile Adin places a warm blanket over the tiny body before tucking a strand of hair behind his ear.  For a moment he forgets that Xander is still in the doorway, silently watching him with his arms crossed over his chest.  As Adin straightens up he looks at the man with a light blush on his cheeks and a slight frown on his lips.

“Are you hungry?” Xander asks casually, softly.

“N-No,” Adin replies.

It’s Xander’s turn to frown, “You need to eat.  Dr. Morell said you were a bit underweight for being ten weeks into your pregnancy.”

Adin swallows thickly and simply nods, he understands,  he needs to be healthy for his baby, “Okay.”

Xander walks out the room expecting and knowing that Adin will follow.  He reaches the kitchen and heads toward the cupboards while rolling up the sleeves of his pristine button-up shirt.  Adin stops at the entrance as he looks at the small table.  He closes his eyes as his hands clench into tight fists.  He remembers Xander’s cold attitude, his displeasure at seeing him, his humiliating words echoing in his mind.

When he doesn’t hear a sound, Xander turns around and finds Adin simply standing at the gape of the room taking quick and deep breaths.  He clenches his jaw as he approaches the boy.  He knows what Adin is thinking.  He remembers that day too.  It was a day that marked his life after meeting the boy.  If he had known that a small life was beginning to bloom just underneath the boy’s heart, would he have done things differently?  Would he have kept the boy from leaving?

He hates that Adin knows.  They both know.  Xander wouldn’t have changed.  He would’ve been repulsed and pushed him away, wouldn’t have stopped until Adin was completely broken.  Instead, those weeks apart kept him up at night.  Those nights he thrashed in his bed as he thought of a pale boy with long chocolate locks and sky blue eyes.  Those cold nights he yearned for a warm body that could never be replaced to satisfy his disgusting needs, thoughts, wants.

Those weeks he spent in cold solitude he thought of many things.  He thought of looking for him, demanding to have him and ravish his body.  He hated him.  And then he showed up with an ultrasound and an absurd explanation.  And like he would’ve done before, he did then and kicked him out.  He watched as hunched shoulders left, he heard the sound of the door closing with a soft click as if a draft pushed the door closed.  And then, then he nearly lost them, both of them.  And he questioned himself for the first time in his twenty-something years of life, he questioned himself if this was what he wanted.

“What would you like to eat?” He asks breathing deeply, trying to get away from the haunting past.

Adin’s eyes open and land on him.  The older man watches as he visibly swallows before responding that anything is fine by him.  Xander doesn’t return to work.  He takes a step forward until Adin is cornered, his back suddenly pressed against a wall.

“I’m sorry,” Xander apologizes.

“Wha-What?” Adin stutters.

“I’m sorry for hurting you,” Xander repeats, slower, honest.

Adin is speechless for less than a second before a tear rolls down his cheek, the dam slowly breaking, “thank you.”

Xander is witness to how the boy finally breaks down, finally lets all the hurt and pain go.  Without a second thought, he wraps his arms tightly, securely, around the lithe body.

“Thank you Xander,” Adin whispers again and again.

Xander holds him tighter.  He knows, he’s aware, that if he lets go then Adin will shatter completely.

“I’m here and I’m not letting you go,” Xander whispers against his ear, “and I’m so, so sorry, Adin. So sorry.”

Adin only clings to him tighter and his knees almost give out, but Xander makes Adin wrap his legs around his waist before swiftly placing the boy on the counter top.  Xander wipes away the tears and with a soft sniffle Adin offers him a small embarrassed smile.

After a few more moments of silence and comfort, Xander asks gently, “Now, what do you and our baby want to eat?”

Adin closes his eyes as he thinks and his mouth starts salivating at the thought, “Uhm we… we want mac n’ cheese.”

“Mac n’ cheese?” Xander asks with a light furrow on his brow.

“Y-Yeah, but if you don’t want some it’s okay,” Adin adds.

Xander gives him a smile, “Go wash up.  Joseph bought you some clothes, they’re in the second bag and the towels are in a cupboard in the bathroom which will be to your left across the hall.”

Adin carefully gets down the counter and slowly makes his way to his room.  Xander makes sure he’s okay, knowing that the teen is still considerably weak after being discharged only a few hours ago.  He must be exhausted.

Reluctantly, Adin turns and heads to where Xander directed.  He hesitates leaving, but one look at Xander already deep in preparing their food and he decides it’s best to leave and do as told.

Adin looks in the second bag as indicated and grabs a pair of sweats, boxer briefs, and an orange tee with a chibi Goku printed on it.  He hurries to the bathroom and sets his clothes on the closed toilet seat after locking the door.  His heart is pounding inside his chest and he rubs at his belly.  With a calming breath he searches for a towel and once found he hangs it nearby so he can reach it when he’s done showering.

He turns the knob and a cascade pours from above.  He steps inside the warm spray as the mirrors fog up.  He doesn’t have his toiletries so he decides to use Xander’s.  He washes his hair with the older man’s shampoo and he closes his eyes, the scent so familiar.  He can’t help but think of moments ago, how he was enveloped in the same scent and warm embrace.  He scrubs his body and enjoys the water for a moment longer.  The suds are washed away and he’s left watching as the water swirls around before sliding down the drain.

His hand subconsciously rests on his tummy and he looks down.  There’s nothing too noticeable yet, but he can just make out a small curve over his once flat stomach.  A small tender smile forms on his lips.  He’s aware that he still has time.  If he wants he could still terminate.  Xander had told him that it was his body and his choice, but he knows, he knows he wants this baby more than anything.  This could be his only chance.

“I love you,” he whispers to the small life inside his womb, “so, so very much.”

With a content sigh Adin shuts off the water and reaches for the towel he placed conveniently nearby.  He dries himself, careful when he’s close to the bruises on his arms from the countless needles.  He steps out and a slight shiver runs down his spine causing him to dress quickly.  His hair hangs limp and wet, framing his delicate face as water drips down the tips and down his skin, soaking the fabric of his shirt.  He tries to towel dry his hair as best he can and tosses the cloth in a hamper.

The smell of melted cheese makes his tummy grumble as soon as he steps out and he hurries toward the kitchen.  With wide eyes he finds Xander scooping some baked mac n’ cheese on two plates accompanied with steamed broccoli and garlic bread.

Xander sets the table for both of them and fills an empty glass with milk and the other with wine.  He takes a step forward and as he does, despite the exhaustion of being pregnant and still recovering, he feels refreshed, content.  Xander turns to him while wiping his hands on a napkin and pulls out the chair for him.  With a blush he takes a seat and patiently waits for Xander to take his, right across from him.  Once they’re seated, Adin takes a forkful of mac n’ cheese.  He moans in delight at the delicious flavors and he gives the chef a bright smile.

“Thank you,” he praises, “it’s delicious.”

It’s like the best thing he’s ever eaten, but he won’t admit to that.

Xander nods and begins eating as well.  He doesn’t taste anything special but Adin is eating as if he was starved for days.  The healthy glow and his humming smile, however, is what captivates Xander’s sight.

“Do you think we could save some for Cailean?  He loves mac n’ cheese,” Adin asks around a mouthfull.

“We’ll have some leftover, so don’t worry and eat,” Xander replies.

Adin does so with glee until his tummy juts out just so and he’s absolutely full.  He drinks his milk and when they finish he offers to wash the dishes but Xander refuses.

“The doctor said to stay off your feet as much as possible,” Xander reminds.

Adin is about to protest when he yawns.

“You’re exhausted too, you should take it easy.  Overworking yourself is a factor for your collapse am I right?  Now go sleep,” Xander orders.

Adin mingles for a bit more before cautiously walking to the man that has shown him different colors .  Swallowing back his timid-ness he wraps his arms around the man and buries his face in the crook of his neck.

“Thank you, thank you for dinner, for taking us in, thank you,” Adin sniffles, eye drooping close.

He finds it hard to keep his eyes open and as the warmth returns his embrace, he gives in.

Xander shakes his head and brings his arm under Adin’s knees while the other supports his upper body as he carries him to the guest room.  Adin is fast asleep in his arms, his damp hair a mess.  Without a word he carefully lays him on the bed making sure not to rouse little Cailean.  He gently drapes the blanket on the shivering body and without restraint he presses a chaste kiss to Adin’s forehead.

“Good night,” he whispers and his shadow disappears as the door closes behind him.

XVI

Xander stares at his phone as it vibrates in his hand, incessant and annoying.  He reads the caller ID for the fourth time and he knows he can’t hide anymore.  He knows he needs to answer.  He can’t put it off anymore.

The ID reading “father” lit up his screen and he hopes for a way out, hope it’ll stop ringing.

When it doesn’t, he makes up his mind.

He already knew his father would never accept the vague retort he gave a few days ago for missing out on work, but he didn’t want to leave Adin and Cailean in the hospital alone.  He didn’t want to leave them home alone either, some place familiar to him but so unfamiliar to them.

His work was his priority, up until meeting Adin of course.  His sudden change in attitude was sure to pique his father’s interest in the worst way possible.  But one thing is for sure, his father can’t know about Adin and their baby.  Not yet at least.

It’s bad enough that his father sent Gerald to investigate and scare Adin the process.  But if his father were to know that Adin carried his illegitimate grandchild, he’s not sure what he would do, but nothing good he assumes. He’s sure of that and the thought sends a shiver down his spine.

He answers his pestering cell phone with a gruff greeting briefly glancing at the time, “Yes?”

“ Don’t you think this so-called vacation is already extended long enough? “ His father questions, his voice showing no emotion other than exhaustion.

He sighs just as tired, a headache blooming behind his closed eyes as he answers, “I’m not needed at the office all the time and Dylan has brought me the paperwork, which I can manage to finish from my study.”

For a moment there’s silence and Xander almost thinks he’s off the hook.

Of course he’s not.

“Who is that boy?”

“What boy?” Xander wonders.

“ Don’t act dumb, it

doesn’t

suit you Xander.  The boy from the hospital.  Gerald said

you’ve

been visiting an Adin Fionn. “

Xander really shouldn’t be as surprised as he feels.

Xander tries not to get affected by the mention of Adin’s name, but he can’t help his fist from clenching.

“What about Adin?”

“ Who is he?  Why do you feel

obligated

to spend time with him instead of focusing on work? He’s what? Nineteen?  What legal case could you possibly be defending him for?  What means of resource could a nineteen-year-old possiblely have?  Please don’t even think about charity work, it’s enough with Dylan ,“ he says.

“Adin and whatever his situation may be is truly none of your concern. Any law proceedings will not be forged with our firm since nothing legal is happening. What I do outside the office is my personal life and has no ties with work which I can do simultaneously. I’m tired of talking, I have one more file to finish so I’ll go to the office tomorrow to drop it off, good night.”

Before he hangs up, his father sighs, “ this

isn’t

over Xander.  Good night. “

The line goes dead and Xander finally manages to let a sigh of relief out. His ears strain when he hears the soft patter of feet just outside his office door before it is carefully pushed open. He sees a mop of wild sun bathed hair before he catches a glimpse of the little boy running toward him with tears brimming in his eyes. Forgetting work Xander opens his arms for the little boy who runs straight to his embrace. He places the toddler on his knee and wipes away the stray tears that have managed to fall in his distress.

“Hey what’s wrong buddy?” Xander asks with a furrow of his brow.

It’s late, way past midnight and his worry only worsens tenfold as Cailean sniffles.

“Nightmae,” He hiccups.

“A nightmare?” Xander clarifies.

The little boy nods and shivers.

Xander reaches for his discarded jacket and places it on small trembling shoulders to keep him warm.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Cailean bites his lip indecisively before shaking his head, “not yet.”

“Where’s Adin?”

“Mommy sleepin’,” Cailean sniffs

“Okay, alright.  Let’s let him sleep a little more, in the meantime, are you hungry?”

Cailean then nods as his tummy growls hungrily. Xander muffles his amused laughter as he carries Cailean out his study and heads to the kitchen. Much like he did with Adin, he sets the toddler on the counter as he reheats a small bowl of mac n’ cheese. While the microwave is buzzing Xander opens a cabinet and gets out a plastic cup. Cailean demands to be put down and Xander let’s him explore the fridge.

“I wan’ milk!” He exclaims.

“Warm?”

“Ew, no!”

Xander shakes his head with a small smile as he does as told and uncaps the bottle.

“Can I pouw it?” Cailean asks with excited eyes.

Xander pulls a chair and pats the seat invitingly. With a squeal Cailean stumbles to the chair and climbs atop to stand. Xander steadies his small hands as he attempts to hold the jug of milk. Slowly they pour the milk in the cup together. It’s then that the microwave dings to signal the content inside is ready to be devoured.

Cailean is sitting in the chair he once stood upon waiting patiently for his food. Xander takes the moment to admire his characteristics. He truly looks like Adin except for the sunshine hair. His eager smile is endearing as his hands make grabby motions. Xander settles the plate in front of him and he realizes he won’t eat comfortably since he barely reaches the table top height.

He pulls a chair beside Cailean’s and blows on a steaming spoonful of mac n’ cheese to cool it down. Cailean swings his legs back and forth and opens his mouth while saying ahhhh as Xander feeds him. He hums in delight at the taste. It’s then that Adin appears rubbing his eyes from sleep.

“Hey,” he croaks tiredly.

Xander stands and immediately leads him to the chair he once occupied.

“Thank you,” he mumbles.

“Why are you up?” Xander asks as he continues giving Cailean his ’‘melted goodness’’.

“I had a nightmare,” he replies.

Xander huffs a chuckle at that, but Adin has a faraway look in his tired eyes, a sadness and fear glistening in the depths of those blue orbs.

“And Cailean’s bed was empty, for a moment I forgot that we were safe. I-I thought our dad had taken him away… I was scared,” he whispers.

Unaware of the heavy atmosphere Cailean gulps his milk happily. Xander places the empty bowl of food on the table before wrapping his arms around Adin.

“You’re safe,” he promises.

There’s a burning question on the tip of his tongue, but Adin doesn’t dare ask. Still it burns in his heart like it plagues his mind: Until when?

Instead he turns to Xander and asks what truly terrifies him. He knows it’s probably not the best time but Adin needs to know. They let Cailean run off and explore as they stay behind and talk.  How a three year old has the energy at two in the morning is beyond him.

He takes a deep breath and rests his hand on his belly subconsciously, a stubborn habit.

Xander can’t help but notice the small gesture.

“When… when the baby is born, please don’t take them away from me,” he pleads.

Xander’s eyes snap toward the boy’s face at that. Adin has his eyes downcast as his cheeks flare with a soft blush.

“Please Xander. I-I know I’m not rich or have enough money to even survive, but I want this baby more than anything. I… I really don’t want to lose them,” he smiles faintly.

That smile breaks Xander inside. It’s a smile filled with resignation and sadness. It’s a smile used to show the world he was fine when he was broken and bleeding inside. It’s a smile that has given up on everything and yet in his beautiful eyes there is a light of hope, love, and longing.

“Please at least let me see them when they’re born,” he begs.

Xander feels anger rise in his chest. He doesn’t show it. In front of him is a boy who lost everything to the cruelty of the world. In front of him is someone who desperately needs someone to hold him before he completely falls apart.

He settles himself in front of Adin and buries his face in the fabric of Adin’s shirt, drinking in his scent.

“I would never keep them away from their mommy. You’re the one who is carrying them, protecting and loving them, you have more of a right than I do to raise them. Don’t ever think that I’d take them from you. I know who I am and I’m aware that I can be a bastard, but I would never do that to you or anyone. I know what it’s like to lose a mother and I don’t wish it upon my children,” Xander replies.

“R-Really?” Adin asks timidly but there’s a bright happiness that radiates off him.

“The baby is yours as much as mine,” he nods.

Adin wraps his arms around him and he laughs.

The sound is sweet and simply unique, amazing. Xander wants to hear it more. Maybe it’s because he’s been deprived of proper sleep for the past couple days or maybe it’s because of the stress, but Xander can’t help it. He doesn’t stop, doesn’t want this to end.

He leans in and presses a promising kiss to those plump lips eliciting a soft gasp of surprise. His arms wrap around Adin’s waist as he deepens the kiss and slips his tongue inside the warm cavern he couldn’t explore before.

He wants to drown in him.

Adin’s hands grasp Xander’s shirt tightly, he knows deep inside that Xander will always be there if he falls so he closes his eyes and lets go.

XVII

Adin watches as Xander gets ready, the man promising to return as soon as he can after dropping off some things in the office.  Adin nods along as he listens, Cailean mimicking him without really knowing what’s going on.

“Adin?”

“Hn?” The young boy hums with a tilt of his head.

“Will you be OK on your own for a bit?”

“Yes,” he nods, refraining from saying that he’s been on his own all along.

Xander pauses in the entrance, pauses himself from reaching out and kissing the boy goodbye.

“Stay safe,” he manages before leaving.

Adin stares after the man, hand resting on his belly as he nods just a bit breathless.  He looks down at his stomach and caresses the soft swell. This is his new home.

“Mommy?”

Adin turns his soft gaze to his baby Cailean, a warm smile directed to his little boy who scrubs at his tired eyes and shuffles further toward the living room.

Adin follows until they sit on the couch.  He feels tired, but he doesn’t want to sleep.  Doesn’t want to stay in bed.

God, he swears his back hurts from being on bed rest for so long.

“Mommy? I’s hungwy,” Cailean complains.

“Alright baby,” Adin sighs as he stands, stretching to alleviate the aches and pains.

“Cereal?” He asks the tot.

“Yum,” Cailean grins with a bouncy nod.

Adin pulls out the milk and some cereal.  The only one in the cupboard being bland cheerios.

He sprinkles a little bit of sugar before placing the bowl on the table, hoping Cailean won’t be picky today.

Adin makes to pick up Cailean and situate him, but his baby refuses, “I’s can do it mommy!”

Adin watches bemused as Cailean struggles, but he finally manages to sit on the chair all by himself.

He claps in triumph at his success and Adin ruffles his curls in pride.

The clanking of the spoon against ceramic makes Adin drift for a bit.

He’s safe.

They’re safe.

It’s still so surreal.

Adin should be happy.

And he is, God, he is happy.

But there’s something he’s missing, there’s something he needs and it’s back at the one place that’s never felt like home.

As much as he doesn’t want to, Adin knows he’ll have to bring Cailean along.

He takes a deep breath and once the boy is finished, he gives Cailean a quick bath before changing him. Once he’s ready Adin straps his shoes on and readies himself as well.

He knows it’s going to be a long walk, but he needs to go back to that house and checking the time, he realizes it’s now or never.

Cailean seems content with the stroll and he doesn’t complain. Adin holds his hand firmly and only when the familiar house comes into view does he hear Cailean whimper in fear. Adin swallows his own terror as he walks up the steps, Cailean’s hand tightening around his fingers and attempting to stop his mommy from taking another step closer. Taking a deep breath Adin digs through his pocket and finds a single key which is worn out around the edges, but still works.

He places the key in and twists it. He closes his eyes as he hears the soft click as he turns the knob.

The door creaks ominously with each ticking second. The house is dark, lifeless, empty. Relief floods his veins as he hurries inside with Cailean shaking his head, eyes wide with horror filled tears. Those beautiful eyes that accuse him of bringing them back to such a scary place. He kneels down to Cailean’s height and kisses his forehead.

“Mommy needs to get a few things, then we can go back to Xander’s where it’s safe and warm, okay?”

Reluctantly, Cailean agrees, “otay mommy.”

Their footsteps echo inside the big house and Adin can’t help but stop in the living room right in front of the TV stand where pictures should be scattered around.  He finds one and his hands tremble as he picks it up, a thick layer of dust covering the frame.

He hasn’t seen the picture properly in years and his heart clenches at the sight.  The glass is cracked, but the image of him, Cailean, and their mom is still intact.

He could have left and never come back, it’s not like he needs any of their clothing and other stuff back.  But this… these captured moments, he can never get them back.  Not anywhere else.

His brows furrow when he doesn’t hear the shuffle of little feet behind him and he turns around.

His heart skyrockets and immediately he yanks Cailean back behind him.

Despite the fear gnawing at his chest, Adin takes a tentative step towards the man who hasn’t even reacted to their presence.  At least not outwardly. He’s slightly scared, terrified, and yet he signals Cailean to stay quiet with his index finger over his lips. Cailean has wide eyes staring at him as he slaps his tiny hands over his mouth to keep from screaming in fear.

The man is awake, alive, but he moves sluggish as he looks up at his oldest son. Adin pauses and for the first time notices the prominent bags under dark eyes red rimmed and facial hair thick on a tired worn face. A callous hand clutches tightly to two pictures, one aged and worn, and the other crisp if only a bit bent.

Adin’s heart stops. In his dad’s hands are ultrasound pictures.

“Da-Dad?” he stutters.

His father places the crinkled pictures down on the coffee table and Adin takes a better glimpse.

One he knows for sure is his.  Of his baby.

He takes another step closer.

The other is of him.

Tears brim his eyes and as he stares up at the man he’s called dad all his life, he pauses.

He stops breathing.

His father looks at him with guilt eating at him, with pain and regret. He stands and the chair scrapes against the tiled floor. The sound is loud but not louder than Adin’s heavy breathing as he flinches. His father’s hand reaches out and he forces himself not to move. Yet, his eyes close tightly awaiting the blow that never comes.

“I couldn’t protect you,” the man whispers.

Slowly, cautiously, Adin opens his sea blue eyes and sees his reflection in black coffee ones.

“Dad?” He whispers, hopeful.

“I couldn’t protect either of you,” he continues as he looks at Cailean who has silent tears streaming down his chubby face, “I couldn’t save her .”

Adin aches to wrap his arms around his father, this is the man he missed, the man he wanted and loved.  The man who should’ve been his dad above all else.

The man before everything got so complicated, before he came out, before his mom got sick.

This is the man he called a dad once.

“I detested you,” the man admits, “but how could I hate something so precious?”

Adin wants to reassure him, but finds that he can’t.

The words of comfort are lodged in his throat.  Not once did he receive safety and love from his dad.  Not one did he receive comfort.  Not even when his mom died.

Before him is only the memory of wistful thinking.

Before him is truly a monster in sheep’s clothing.

He won’t fall it.  He can’t .  He has two babies depending on him and he won’t let himself be deceived, won’t let his father manipulative him to repeat old patterns again.

Adin’s brows furrow. In front of him stands a man who mentally and physically hurt him. Why should he forgive this monster, one who brought more pain and grief? Why should he believe that he’s different after all the lies and hate?

Words come out of the man’s mouth.

An apology maybe?

But Adin isn’t listening.

“You… you’re not my dad, you’ve never been my dad. You hurt me, beat me, broke me. And it wasn’t enough. Alcohol, you blame? Hate, you say? You hated me and you drowned yourself in drinking. Do you have any idea how many scars I carry because of you? You think that after all the months of abuse that a simple apology would fix everything? You hurt Cailean and he never did anything to you. All he did was ask why daddy was so mean, why mommy left. And then he forgot her because our dad wasn’t there to keep her memory alive! Because our dad was out drinking at bars coming home and smelling like sex! I hated you,” Adin cries brokenly, “You destroyed the one good thing and that was my mom’s love. You told me she hated me and I believed you. I nearly killed myself time and time again, but I didn’t because Cailean needed me. Because you weren’t there!”

“Adin,” his father begs.

Adin backs away, suddenly feeling disgust and nauseous.

“Don’t touch me,” Adin says, “don’t touch me because I have a reason to live for. To me and Cailean you were just as good as dead. Don’t try and change now because it’s too late. Cailean is my baby now, even if not legally, but he certainly isn’t yours anymore. You don’t deserve to be called a father.”

He turns around and picks Cailean up in his arms before hurrying out the door which slams shut behind him with the intent of never coming back. He drops the key on the sidewalk and doesn’t look back. In his arms Cailean is still trembling, his face buried in the crook of his neck as he whimpers and cries.

“We’re okay,” he whispers, “We’re safe now.”

Cailean nods.

When they arrive to their new home the door to Xander’s apartment is unlocked and Adin places Cailean on the ground, his arms tired. The doctor said no heavy lifting but he needed to comfort Cailean and draw his fears away. The knob under his pale hand turns easily and he wonders if Xander is back from work.

He steps inside with a breath of relief, but it’s short lived as he finds a man on the sofa, his hair short, salt and peppered. His body feigns calm but exudes authority. He sits posed as if he was waiting for someone.

Waiting for Adin.

XVIII

Adin steps carefully inside the apartment, the movement enough to capture the older gentleman’s attention.  He turns slowly and carefully places a glass of whiskey on the coffee table.  He stands with an air of superiority that makes Adin feel inferior, inadequate.

Who is this man?

How did he get in?

Adin pulls Cailean back and he tightens his hand around the little boy’s arm to keep him from getting too close to the stranger.

“Ow, mommy you’s hurting me,” Cailean complains with a pout.

Adin pays the tot no attention, his eyes are trained on the intruder like a hawk, “who are you?” He demands.

“I should be asking you that,” the man retorts.

Adin takes a step back.

“My name is Steven Darrow,” the man drawls after an annoyed sigh, “I am Xander’s father.”

That doesn’t do anything for Adin as his shoulders remain hunched in tight tension.

Adin bites his lip, “I’m Adin Fionn, I’m Xander’s…”

Xander’s what?

Adin feels a blush heat his face without his consent.

“I know who you are,” Mr. Darrow snorts completely unamused with a roll of his icy blue eyes.

“What I don’t know, is who you are to my son?”

Adin casts his gaze to the floor, “I’m nobody.”

“I find that hard to believe,” the man frowns in disbelief, “you’ve taken all of attention.  He’s disobeying me, distracted and avoiding work.  All because of you.”

Adin feels his ears heat up.

Has he really been holding Xander back?

“Tell me, how is Xander supposed to provide for a family when he’s slacking at work?”

Adin’s hand automatically rests on his baby bump, barely there, barely noticeable.  Does Sr. Darrow know?

“You’re ruining any future Xander can ever have,” the man continues, “you’re only a distraction and the sooner you realize that, the better.  Dylan was out of my grasp and I was too late for him.  But I hope you leave so my son can get on with his life and marry a nice woman who can provide him with children.  This is just a phase, in the end you mean nothing to him.”

Adin decides then and there that no.  While the man does seem to know a lot about him, he has no clue about the baby he carries.

He doesn’t know if he should be relieved or not.  His cruel words hurt just a little bit more, but it’s nothing he didn’t already know.

He knows Xander only feels guilty, he knows not to expect anything from the man.  But now he feels like a burden, like he doesn’t belong.  Though, in reality, he never did.

“Ok,” he sighs in resignation.

“Ok?” The man questions with a raised brow in confusion.

“I’ll leave after the baby is born,” he whispers.

And it’s only then the older man notices the younger’s hand on his belly.

He opens his mouth to ask what the hell he’s talking about when a new voice filled with restraint rage interrupts.

“Get out.”

Both men turn startled at the arrival of none other than Xander.

“What the hell do you think,” Mr. Darrow reaches and grips onto Adin’s upper arm tightly, “you’re doing.”

Xander picks Cailean up as the little cries, the overwhelming tension making it hard for him to understand, to breathe.

Adin’s stares at his baby boy wide eyed, tears stinging his own eyes.

He should’ve de-escalated the situation, he should’ve just left.

“Let. Go. Of. Him,” Xander growls.

“Not until you explain what the hell is going on!  How the hell am I supposed to face Greene when you were supposed to marry his daughter!”

Adin stares at Xander in shock.

When he speaks next, it’s to Adin, “I never agreed to that marriage, I never loved her.”

“And since when did you want to marry for love?” Mr. Darrow scoffs.

Xander glares at his father, and in that moment Cailean wiggles free from his hold and he runs up to his mommy.  He lands a kick to the man’s shin and the temporary shock makes him let go of Adin.

Adin scoops up his baby and admonishes him softly, but Cailean is mad and his little furrowed brows are a tell of just how much he dislikes the man for making his mommy cry.

“Out,” he demands.

Adin tries to soothe him but fails as Cailean’s pitch increases in distress, “Out, out, out!!”

Sr. Darrow is shocked and is even more so when Xander, his son, wraps his arms around the teen and child alike.  The angry yelling slowly turns into hiccups and tears.  Little hands grasping and clutching at Xander’s shirt as he sobs.

Adin peers up at Xander expecting him to be mad, angry, but he’s not.  All he sees is concern and Adin sniffles and sniffles until the flood gates open.

Wherever he goes he’ll always be treated the same.

Like less than what he is.

Less than human.

What is he supposed to do?

What about his baby.

“Get out,” Xander whispers toward his father, voice strained yet exhausted.

Sr. Darrow hardens his face and appears once again emotionless, shows a composure he no longer feels.

And that’s when he sees it.

Xander’s arm wrapped around Adin and Cailean, a hand resting on the younger man’s stomach, confirming his suspicion.

How?

When?

He grabs his coat and leaves.

“It’s not over Xander, we still need to talk.”

“Should’ve thought about that before coming unannounced to my home.”

---

A beautiful woman sits in front of a mirror, her eyes glistening and yet dull. Her lips are pursed as she applies make up to make her feel something she isn’t. The room feels cold, vacant of any shared smiles or laughs. Her hand tangles in the soft waves of her hair trying to fix it, trying to look more feminine.

Her heart is beating wildly in her chest and she closes her eyes as she takes a deep breath. This is nothing new, she shouldn’t feel nervous, she’s beautiful. Still, a part of her heart is always quivering in fear.

With her head held high, she struts out her dressing room and makes her way to the bar. Her red heels tap tap tap with each step she takes. Her strides are measured and her cinnamon colored hair, which falls mid back, cascades down her naked shoulder elegantly. She’s a beauty, she’s untouchable.

“Tray,” The bartender greets casually.

The man is always too casual, with customers and employees alike. The women swoon for him.

She’s not one of them.

“Hello,” she returns, her red stained lips forming a genuine smile.

How many years has she known the people here, she wonders.

She receives instructions with a sense of duty, as if she were going to a battlefield.

In a sense, her work is one of danger. Women who should be idolized and praised are better off alone nowadays. The respect they deserve is something she strives for. She wanted to grow up and be like mommy, strong and proud of her work. Instead she’s left with a bitter taste, a bitter feeling, every night.

She waits a few tables. She never complains and is always courteous. Sometimes she forces faked smiles and lies through her teeth. But through her peripheral vision she sees a man who has been watching her. She sways her hips tantalizingly as she passes by every time. She notices how the man takes a shot of vodka to gain the courage he misses.

As she passes by for the third time he grabs her wrist. The man admires how small and snug her wrist fits within his grasp. He can crush her.

“How much?” He asks.

She gives him a provocative smile as she whispers in his ear, “For you? Four hundred.”

“All night?” He persists.

“All night,” she agrees.

The man leers at her and lets himself be pulled by his hands.

“How about we go someplace nice?” He suggests.

She’s not stupid.

“Why? We already have gorgeous rooms in the back available with the softest beds we could destroy,” she retorts.

She presses her finger against his dry lips before the man can complain and lures him further down the halls opposite the changing rooms. She goes toward the last room and opens the door. Inside is a king sized bed with lavish sheets. The room is simple, comfortable, and just perfect for their games.

The man unties the silk around his neck while she runs her hand up his torso to sensually unbutton the shirt.

“Take your time,” she coos against his ear.

A shiver runs down his spine as she slowly backs away and crawls on the bed.

“I hope I won’t disappoint,” she warns.

The man chuckles, “I know what you are.”

“You do?” She arches a brow, feigned surprise written on her expression.

The man crawls on top of her. He runs his callous hands on her pale thighs, unmarred and soft. Her skin breaks into goosebumps as the cold caresses her body. Her eyes flutter open and the man can see a faint shimmer of eyeshadow. Her red lips are parted on an indulgent breath of want. Desire. Passion.

There is no such thing as love.

The man carefully slides down her black lacy underwear already wet in anticipation. He can make out the dress slowly tenting and he slips off the light strapless material with ease. He admires the beautiful skin before him. The skin which is his to mark to his heart’s desire.

There is no such thing as love, only passion exists in the bed sheets.

The man leans down and caresses the small bulge in his hands. Her back arches at the touch and her eyes close. The touch is so gentle, so kind, and yet so filthy and nothing but a lie. He presses a kiss to her inner thighs, bites and sucks. His hand finds what he wants and two fingers enter her body without warning. She gasps in discomfort as her hands fist the sheets beneath her body.

“Tell me, what exactly am I?” She demands as her hips shift.

“A stunning whore,” he replies as he kisses her fiercely, almost forcibly.

A third finger makes her squirm and he pulls out unexpectedly before putting the head of his erect cock to her entrance. Her eyes widen in pain. He’s not using any lubricant and she can feel her body taking something so painful, something she doesn’t want.

“Pull out,” she cries.

“I don’t think so, my little whore,” he grins.

“No, no, no! Pull out!” She screams.

The man doesn’t, instead he thrusts harder as he grabs her fists enough to leave bruises.

“You know you want this. You’re a filthy whore who pretends to be a woman. You’re truly disgusting but you love taking it up the ass don’t you?” He asks.

The pleasure she once felt is gone with the waft of alcohol in the man’s breath which makes her gag. The door bangs open and Dylan steps in. He’s not gentle or careful as he yanks the man away from the boy’s body.

“What the hell man? Wait your fucking turn!” The man growls pissed.

Dylan punches the man unconscious and looks at the bed. If anyone else witnessed the scene they would’ve seen a young girl quivering in fear as she attempts to hide her body. But he knows the truth and he’s furious.

Dylan grabs her bicep and pulls her off the bed by her arm ignoring the way her knees buckle.

“You stupid idiot!” He curses under his breath.

The girl has tears in her eyes as she clings to his arm for support he won’t offer. Dylan takes a deep breath and steps over the body of the man before them and once they’re a few feet away he picks up the girl in his arms.

She buries her face in his shoulder in shame.

“What were you thinking?” Dylan asks a few minutes later.

When she has enough courage she looks up and finds that they’re in her dressing room.

“Dylan?”

“Why Joseph? I thought you were smarter than this,” he sighs in disappointment.

“You wouldn’t understand, you never will,” Joseph struggles free from his grasp and he let’s go only to crumble to the floor.

“Maybe I won’t but you have a brilliant mind, why fall so low? Make me understand,” Dylan replies.

With the make up off and disheveled, there’s no hiding behind Tracy anymore.

Joseph can’t look at him and he doesn’t offer a response afraid to see disgust in those familiar eyes. With a heavy sigh Dylan crouches beside him and touches his knee only to have Joseph flinch.

“You’re bleeding,” he states.

Joseph swallows hard and let’s Dylan carefully place him on a chair.

“You wouldn’t understand,” he whispers as he parts his trembling thighs.

Dylan takes a look and sees a small tear at his entrance. He searches for a first aid kit and when he finds it he kneels in between Joseph’s legs.

“This isn’t the first time right?”

Joseph looks at the ground in shame and winces as Dylan treats the tear.

“No,” he mumbles.

“Don’t do it,” Dylan pleads.

Joseph looks at him startled.

“When you go to bed and think about it, don’t do it,” he repeats.

Joseph looks at his arms. He sees faded scars, some people can’t even see.

“Your brother was like that man,” Joseph replies.

“My brother is an idiot and he’s paying for it. Adin has a heart of gold,” Dylan answers but he’s looking at Joseph with an unwavering stare.

“You have a heart of gold,” Joseph whispers.

Dylan presses a kiss to his lips, the red gloss worn and smeared.

It’s like he’s drowning. It’s like the ocean overflowing his entire body, wrapping him in the first wave that makes one shiver in cold until he’s warm. Until he’s safe.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

XIX

Xnder runs his fingers through unruly hair, soft with the scent of cherries and vanilla. He leans down and presses a chaste kiss to plump lips as Adin stirs. His beautiful eyes open and he has to blink a few more times before Xander comes to view. He quickly pulls away from the man and wraps his arms around his waist, a hand resting over his belly protectively. He can hear singing, laughter, chatter coming from the kitchen.  For a moment he’s confused and his head aches just a bit.

“Xander?”

“Hey,” the man greets softly, fingertips brushing Adin’s pale rosy cheek.

Adin leans into the touch, an equally soft sigh escaping his lips.

He remember Dylan and Joseph showing up.  Joseph unable to speak, as he shied away from everyone but the older lawyer.

He remembers Xander pulling Dylan away, remembers harsh whispers between the brothers.

He also remembers the panic he felt when he was found alone with a stranger, with none other than Xander’s father.

He shifts and buries his face in Xander’s neck.

Where do they go from here?

The sheets beneath his fingertips are soft to the touch, silky. The bed is comfortably hard to take the pressure from his lower back.

His eyes seem to focus back on the man, on Xander. He opens his mouth as if to say something, anything, but nothing comes out. Tears spill from his eyes as he hugs the man tightly, his arms wrapping around Xander’s neck as he buries his face in the crook of his neck and shoulder.

“I’m sorry Adin, so sorry,” Xander whispers against his temple as his muscled arms wrap around Adin, his baby bump pressing firmly against Xander’s defined stomach.

Adin pulls back and peers at the sincerity in Xander’s pale eyes. He takes a deep breath and gulps, ready to speak but Xander doesn’t let him. His right knee rests between Adin’s thighs as he gently lowers him to the bed.

Adin looks away flustered, trying hard to avoid Xander’s desperate look. Xander gently lifts his chin so Adin can really look at him.

“Look at me please,” the man begs.

Adin does and his breath hitches when he feels a hot tear land on his cheek. Xander pulls him closer, buries his face in Adin’s shoulder as his hand cups Adin’s belly.

“Please don’t leave,” he begs as his own tears soak Adin’s shirt, “Please trust me. I know you won’t believe me, not after everything that’s happened, I know but please. What my father said was a lie, Greene and a marriage, screw all that. My father always knew deep down, but he just can’t accept that both his sons prefer men. He has mistreated my brother for so long and I regret every second I desired to be like him. I have only brought pain like he has and despite everything I’ve done to hurt you, I can’t stop myself from loving you. I’m falling in love with you Adin Fionn, I love you unconditionally, so much it hurts.”

Adin has silent tears running down his temples and soaking the bed beneath him. He chokes up as he nods his head, unable to find words just yet. And when he does he clings to Xander, “I fell in love with you too.”

Xander swoops down and presses a passionate kiss to Adin’s lips, stealing his breath away. Adin whimpers in his hold as his back arches, his body thrumming with need. Xander smiles as he nibbles down his collar bone, pale skin blooming with bruises beautifully. For once Xander gives instead of takes as he carefully takes out Adin’s throbbing erection, precum dribbling from the tip.

Adin babbles nonsense as his hands tangle in soft styled hair trying to find purchase as Xander licks him, nibbles at the tip of his cock and takes him whole. a sharp gasp leaves his part lips as his eyes closed. He won’t last, they both know.

Xander is cruel in his teasing. He cups Adin’s heavy balls as he licks his perineum, his tongue doing wicked things to his lover. The short pants and small moans and gasps have Xander hard in his dark jeans but he neglects his need and focuses solely on Adin, on his pleasure as he delves his tongue deep inside. Adin is sobbing after he’s done with him, body left numb and tingly.

Xander climbs his way up and kisses Adin one last time, letting the boy taste himself. Adin is breathless and wants to give back but Xander stops him with a smile on his handsome face as he wraps his arms around Adin’s lithe waist to cradle his lover’s full womb.

A soft giggle escapes Adin’s lips and he covers his mouth with a hand.

He feels giddy, for once he feels happy.

This is his shot, his chance at happiness, at something other than pain and fear.

Xander smiles as he buries his nose against Adin’s nape, “Adin I’m so sorry, I’m sorry for hurting you, for everything.”

Adin slips from Xander’s hold to face him properly. With a blush on his face he leans in and initiates the kiss.

“You don’t have to apologize anymore. I know that I’m not pretty and could never compare to someone like your stature.”

Xander is about to protest but Adin shakes his head and continues, “You met me as an entertainer, in drag, anyone would think I was a slut. But I felt like I was in my own skin, I felt… free, it felt right. And then you came along and my father’s words rang through my mind and I believed them and the words you said…”

Xander clenches his hand into a fist, his nails digging crescents into his palm as he grits his teeth. He knows what he said, remembers every detail of their argument. He remembers every moment he degraded someone as beautiful as Adin.

“I forgive you,” Adin croaks.

Xander feels his throat tighten as he stares at Adin’s sad eyes even as he smiles through the pain.

“I love you Xander, I want this, more than anything. I want our baby and I want to see Cailean and our munchkin grow up, I want to see them play together and go to school, see our baby say his first word and take his first step and I want to do that with you, all of it,” Adin adds softly.

Xander smiles, “I want it all, absolutely all of it, with you.”

Adin doesn’t remember when he falls asleep be he feels a smile on his face as he snuggles close to Xander. Their bodies meld together perfectly, like they belong.

“I love you sweetheart,” Xander whispers against the shell of his ear.

Adin mumbles something about curly fries and ice cream as he dreams and Xander can’t stop from smiling as his cheeks begin to ache. He’s smitten with Adin someone who he barely knows if he’s honest. But Adin is strong, stronger than anyone he has ever met, and his mind is beautiful. His heart is of gold and Xander can’t believe it’s his. For the first time in months he feels like he has a heart, a heart that is walking outside of his chest and he knows Adin will protect it like he vows to protect his lover’s and their children’s.

XX

Adin sleeps peacefully in a big warm bed, a small body curled beside him and cuddling close.  His back twinges and he has to shift from time to time, but his sleep never falters.  His arm subconsciously wraps around the warm body that can only be Cailean as he sighs deeply and settles again.

Xander is buried in paperwork, aware of the most important people of his life sleeping just a few rooms over.  He didn’t want to wake them, knowing how exhausted Adin must feel.  As his own tired eyes scan the papers he remembers Cailean’s shrieks of delight at the sight of his mommy and it’s another thing he needs to fix.  His father will no doubt find a way to make him leave Adin, to ruin this small shred of happiness they share and burst their bubble.  That alone gnaws at his chest.  He doesn’t know how he can protect his family. If they catch wind of Cailean they might take him away, put him in the system.  Or worse, back with their abusive father.

With a sigh and a rub to his aching temples he leans back in his leather bound chair.  He makes a few calls and takes a deep breath.  His financial status is safe.  Where he once had an account with his father’s for the transactions he used to receive, he now has every cent earned into his own personal account in another bank for insurance.  They should start packing, they should move far away from the apartment and not look back before his father discovers and exploits this weakness.

He makes another call to a realtor, thankful they are still open despite the late hour.  His name still does wonders.

When he hangs up, he thinks of what to do.  They’ll have enough money for a few years, maybe until both Cailean and their baby finish high school.  Xander knows they’ll be able to live in comfort but he doesn’t want to sit still.

A knock on the door startles him and his brother pokes his head in.  So deep in thought and worry, he almost forgot his brother was staying over.

“Come in,” he calls.

Dylan strides inside and takes in his brother’s haggard appearance.

“You should sleep,” he comments.

“I need to fix everything before I can think about relaxing,” Xander replies offhandedly, his eyes back to roaming the papers.

“Fix what exactly?”

“I need to take every precaution necessary, I can’t lose them,” Xander answers but that doesn’t explain it.

Dylan takes the papers from his hands and scans them quickly, “Marry him.”

“It’s not that simple,” Xander rolls his eyes.

“Well, it is.  You can marry Adin, you’re stable and if you apply for adoption-”

“No, Cailean isn’t even in the system.”

“There’s other ways to adopt, you know that.”

“The easiest would have Fionn resign his rights over Cailean.  He’ll never do that though.”

Dylan knows from what he’s heard how cruel that man could be, but maybe if they bribe him, he’ll sign the papers without a fuss.

“At least talk to Adin and explain the risks of continuing your relationship,” Dylan adds.

Xander nods, he had to tell Adin sooner or later, tell him all the risks they run if they’re together.

“Adin loves you,” Dylan says nonchalantly.

His brother opens his mouth to retort, but he stops himself as the words form on his tongue.  He knows.  He knows Adin loves him.  And he’s sure he loves Adin as well.

They’ve both admitted it hours ago.

“I was thinking of opening my own law firm,” Xander replies, changing the subject.

Dylan looks at him surprised but as if he were expecting it, “Then what’s holding you back?  We both know money isn’t an issue, not really.”

Xander finally spills his fears, “And what if I do invest half of the money into a law firm that will only be a bust?”

“It won’t be,” Dylan answers simply.

“How do you know?”

“You have many cases under your belt without any loss, your name is famous in this industry, you’re recognized and well-known.  People will no doubt look for you and give you case after case,” he shrugs.

“I’ll think about it,” Xander mutters.

“Alright, now that this is settled, why don’t you go take a nap?  Joseph and I will clean the house a bit and help pack.  I’m assuming you’re moving, right?”

“We don’t have a place yet, I just called an agency and we have an appointment in two days to view some houses.”

“A house?” Dylan whistles impressed, “Getting ready for that apple pie life I see.”

“Adin and Cailean need stability,” Xander smiles sadly at that.

“We’ll pack, I’m sure you’ll find that perfect white-picket fence house you’re thinking of,” Dylan rises and pats Xander’s tense shoulder.

Having talked to his brother has lifted some of the weight and he stands as well.  Outside the door to the master bedroom they part ways, Xander offering for his brother and Joseph to spend the night.  When he enters the room as quietly as he can, he finds Adin sitting in bed having a tickle fight with Cailean.

“Mommy!” He shrieks in peals of laughter.

At the creak of the door opening Adin looks at him with those bright eyes.  He can’t stop himself from leaning down and kissing those plump lips before sitting beside the young man and tickling Cailean’s small feet.

“Mommy, Daddy tickle me!”  He squirms on the bed with a big smile showing his milk teeth.

Cailean just manages to crawl to Adin’s lap so he can hide from Xander’s tickle assaults which have stop in the man’s surprise.  Adin has his mouth slightly opened in shock as well.  Daddy .  Cailean called Xander daddy.

“Cailean, sweetheart, who’s daddy?” Adin asks gently.

Xander holds his breath as Cailean looks at them with wide eyes.

Innocently he points at Xander and says, “ ’andel is daddy!“

Adin’s sharp intake of  breath snaps Xander out of his trance and he notices that both boys are waiting for his reaction.  He doesn’t know how to react.  He’s suddenly self-conscious and is afraid he’ll say the wrong thing.  Instead, he opens his arms and Cailean flings himself at him, his arms wraping around his neck as he giggles.

Adin is eased just a bit as he watches them play.

When Cailean manages to fall back asleep, Adin brushes fine baby hair back and he hears a soft, “Daddy loves you,” from Xander as the man leans down to kiss Cailean’s forehead.

Adin feels a lump forming in his throat as he smiles at Xander.

“And I love you,” the man adds as he holds Adin close to his heart.

“Thank you Xander,” Adin mumbles into his shoulder.

Xander nods his reassurance.  That innocent and genuine moment could’ve broken them but he’s fallen in love with the idea of his family, he’s fallen in love with Adin and Cailean.

“We need to talk Adin, I think… I think maybe we should make it official.”

Adin pulls back but Xander still has his arms wrapped around his waist, “what?”

“I think I should adopt Cailean,” Xander adds.

A flash of fear slips into Adin’s eyes and Xander doesn’t miss it, but before Xander can back away to draw negative conclusions Adin stops him with a finger on his soft lips.

“You surprised me, I just… what if we don’t work out?  What if this is temporary? I don’t… I don’t want to lose Cailean and I’m sure you would never take him or our baby away but this fear is just… it’s festering in my heart,” Adin explains.

“We’ll work it out, I promise.  Things have gotten a bit complicated with my father’s involvement and I don’t doubt he’ll try to take you and Cailean away from me, that’s the last thing I want.  I want to protect you, all three of you,” Xander replies.

Adin nods slowly, he understands.  He has lived with the fear that his father might take Cailean away from him but if Xander adopts him then his father and the system won’t be able to keep them apart.

“Okay, I think I have Cailean’s papers with me, we should just make it official,” Adin replies.

“Thank you, I promise we’ll make it through this together,” Xander vows.

Adin smiles at him, he trusts him.

When he wakes up in the morning, he’s resting his head on Xander’s chest with Cailean sprawled over both of them.

XXI

With a yawn, Cailean buries his face in the crook of Xander’s neck, drool dribbling down the corner of his mouth and landing on the tense skin beneath the halo of blonde hair. A warm body stirs next to him and when he looks down Xander finds Adin staring at him with bleary tired eyes and a soft smile. He can’t help but lean down and kiss those perfectly pouting lips as Adin scrubs the sleep from his pale face.

“G’morning,” he mumbles.

“Morning love,” Xander smiles.

“Mowning!!!” Cailean squeals as he climbs off of the man.

Xander grabs his waist before the baby falls from the bed head first.

“What did we say about rushing to get up?” Xander reprimands.

“Bathwoom daddy,” their baby pouts.

Adin hides his amusement behind his palm as if masking a yawn but really hiding his smile.

“Okay, okay,” Xander concedes as he picks up the little angel and carries him to the ensuit bathroom.

Adin stays behind in bed, his hand falling on the slight swell of his belly. He hums a soft song under his breath, one he used to sing to Cailean when he couldn’t, and refused, to sleep.

His soft humming turns into lulling words as he sings to himself,

Zaglyani ty v serdechko mne

I skazhi ’‘uhodi’’ zime

Veter voet, a ty grej menya

Nebo stonet, a u nas vesna

Poprosi u oblakov

Podarit’ nam belyh snov

Noch’ plyvyot i mi za nej

V mir tainstvennyh ognej

Xander watches from the doorway with Cailean on his hip, listening enthralled to the soft rich voice. A small head leans on his shoulder and Cailean is left nearly asleep again from the peace and serenity seeping through the words. Adin looks up at him as he finishes, a blush quickly forming on his cheeks. With his face cast down in embarrassment, Adin stands and takes Cailean from his arms.

“Mommy,” Cailean yawns.

“Hungry sweetheart?” Adin asks as he nuzzles Cailean’s tangled hair.

Cailean nods and immediately begins to wriggle so he can run to the kitchen. Xander guides Adin downstairs with his hand on Adin’s lower back, Cailean giggling and running ahead of them. When they arrive, the smell of freshly made pancakes fills the room and his mouth starts to water. Adin’s stomach growls and his cheeks flare a rosy hue. Xander’s chuckle eases his nerves and he sits on the right to the head seat where Xander sits per usual.

They eat in silence, Adin preoccupied with feeding Cailean as Xander reviews a few files he left the day before. The manilla folder on top of the thin pile isn’t one he recognizes and when he opens it his mouth is hanging open in surprise.

How?

When?

He chances a glance at Adin, but the younger man doesn’t see him. Xander takes a long sip of his coffee, ignoring the burn down his throat. He stares at the papers in awe, his eyes scanning each word carefully and his breakfast goes ignored as his hands cross.

“Xander?” Adin whispers as to not startle the man.

“Hm?”

“I’m going to take a bath with Cailean,” he informs timidly, his hand resting on the baby’s shoulder as he stomps in place impatiently.

When Xander finally looks up, he sees Cailean’s hair drenched in syrup, his cheeks covered in bits of pancake and milk staining his shirt.

“Go ahead,” Xander smiles.

Adin nods and both boys hurry to the bathroom, Cailean’s delighted squeals heard throughout the halls.

Xander leans back and takes out his phone. He needs to make three calls.

When Joseph picks up he thanks him for breakfast and invites him for dinner. Joseph replies flustered that it was nothing and that he did it for Adin, but agreed to dinner nonetheless.

His second call goes through and he makes an appointment to visit the family vaults, no questions asked.

The final call is to Dylan. His brother doesn’t answer but Xander leaves a detailed voice mail on what will happen if he doesn’t show up to dinner.

---

“Where are you going,” Joseph mumbles half asleep.

“Go back to sleep,” Dylan whispers.

Joseph shakes his head as he sits up.

“Why am I here?”

“Joseph,” Dylan sighs.

“Dylan, seriously wh-”

Dylan cuts him off with a kiss to his lips. Joseph pushes him away and his hand covers his mouth, his eyes wide in surprise.

Dylan stares at him just as shocked, “I’m sorry I thought-”

“Don’t,” Joseph breathes, “Please don’t play with me.”

“I’m not,” Dylan says as his hands rest on Joseph’s hips.

Everything happens too fast, too hot. Joseph wants to scream but Dylan muffles his cries. The pleasure is too much, too intense, and when they reach their climax Joseph passes out. He has never experienced anything so wonderful, so different and amazing.

Dylan pulls out gently and kisses his naked shoulder. With a small smile he covers the lithe body with a blanket and watches him sleep.

A soft sigh escapes when he finally has to get up and dress.

Dylan doesn’t bother to knock despite the late hour. The front door is opened and he strides in like he owns the place. There’s a drunk man in the living room with a bottle of booze in his hand. Upon seeing him he stands up staggering.

“Who the hell’re you?” The man slurs.

“I’m Dylan Darrow and on behalf of Adin Fionn I demand you renounce custody of Cailean J. Fionn,” Dylan answers smoothly.

“Who the fuck do you think you are? Breaking into my house at this time demanding stupid things,” the man growls.

Dylan sighs, knowing this wouldn’t be easy, “You are suspected of child abuse. Don’t make this any harder than it has to be. You will renounce custody of Cailean and give it to Xander Darrow who will protect and love him, give him a real family to grow up in.0”

“Xander Darrow? He the son of a bitch that Adin whored himself to? Fucking slut got what he deserves, being a freak. A fucking man pregnant? Such a stupid bitch,” The man snarls, “You honestly think I’ll even let my one good son be in the presence of such a disgusti-”

Dylan pulls out a folder with all the things the man before him can be charged with, that will no doubt, sentence him to a life in prison or what’s left of it. He sets the papers on the coffee table forcing the man to stop talking. He snatches the folder and reads over everything.

“Don’t finish that thought because it will be the last before we destroy you.”

The man narrows his eyes and reluctantly signs the papers, no questions asked.

“I hope we never see you again. If you ever do and you hurt Adin or either of his children, I will personally see to your incarceration,” with those parting words Dylan leaves.

He drives back to Xander’s and sneaks inside. He places the papers atop of his files and heads to the room he shares with Joseph, except he’s not there. The bed is a mess and his clothes are gone as the first rays of sun begin to light up the room. In hopes that maybe Joseph is still here, Dylan searches the bathroom, but the only sign that he was here moments before he arrived is the fogged up mirror.

He’s gone.

---

Song is Lullaby by Polina Gagarina.

XXII

Adin steps into the bathroom.  He closes the door behind him and begins undressing Cailean who refuses to sit still.  With a small smile he turns on the water and carefully places his baby inside the warm bath.  He tries to gulp through the lump in his throat as he sits against the tiled wall, Cailean plopping on his lap as he’s scrubbed with a loofah.  He giggles and splashes water everywhere making Adin sputter as soapy water lands in his mouth.  He tries not to gag as a laugh escapes his shiny lips.

“Cailean!” He screams.

Cailean squeals and Adin tries, and fails, to shampoo his tangled hair.  Finally, the teen wraps his arms around the tiny wriggling body before pouring shampoo on him.  Cailean struggles in his grasp and Adin nearly slips, his hip colliding with the rim of the tub in a desperate attempt to stop himself.  The thud makes Xander’s heart stop as  he abandons his work in overwhelming concern.

He enters the bathroom, the knob firmly in his grasp before he’s rushing toward the tub were Adin is breathing deeply trying to make the pain go away.

“Adin,” he calls softly.

Adin opens his eyes and looks at him with a forced smile, “We’re okay.”

Xander can’t stop his hand from wandering toward the boy’s bruising hip and that’s when Cailean jumps on his daddy, soaking his clothes.  Adin joins in his torture as he pulls him into the water by the hand.  Xander pulls back, his messy hair sticking to his forehead and falling over his ears.  He retaliates with a splash of water toward his lover and son.  The words sounding so perfect in his mind.

Adin has his mouth opened slightly as he watches Xander strip from his drenched clothing.  He’s bare as he steps into the tub and pulls Adin so he’s straddling his lap.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asks concerned.

Adin looks at his hands, which rest on the man’s chest.

“We’re okay,” he whispers embarrassed.

Xander places a kiss on his head before turning to Cailean, making sure he’s not drowning.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, not liking how Adin tries to shy away from him.

“N-Nothing,” he mumbles.

“Adin,” Xander sighs.

“Just… I’m fat,” Adin adds with a shrug.

It’s not like Xander hasn’t noticed.  Adin’s belly isn’t the only thing gaining weight.  His cheeks are rounder, his hips and thighs are bigger.  He’s noticed the way they sway with the new added weight.  Gods he looks gorgeous, beautiful.

Xander doesn’t stop the chuckle that escapes him as he nuzzles the teen’s neck and says just that, “You’re gorgeous and breath taking.  You look healthy, pregnant.”

Adin’s face reddens at the compliment.  He knows that they’re treading through a tentative relationship, but the honesty in Xander’s eyes takes his breath away.  Xander really wants him and it’s so hard to believe after always being called a mistake.  He doesn’t know where he’d be if he never met Xander.

“Come on, let’s get out before we get pruny,” he suggests.

Adin nods and steps out.  Xander’s eyes land on his hip and his hand falls on it as he begins kneading gently until the boy gasps in pain.

“I thought you said you were okay,” he accuses.

Adin bites his lip, “Maybe it hurts a bit more than I thought.”

“Come on, let’s get you dry,” Xander smiles.

Adin is about to grab a towel when Xander starts drying him.  The sudden touch of soft fabric makes him jump in shock.  Xander presses a kiss against his neck as he presses the towel against Adin’s wet body.  Adin melts against him and they both watch Cailean run around the room naked.  He reminds Xander of an excited pup.

“Go get dressed, if the pain worsens or you notice any bleeding tell me,” Xander orders.

“I will,” Adin smiles, his hand cupping the swell of their baby.

Xander watches him go into their room before turning condescending eyes at his son.  Cailean stops at the look and bows his head.  Xander can’t stay mad at him for long no matter how hard he tries.

“Let’s get you dressed, buddy,” Xander says as he opens his arms wide.

Cailean beams at him and he jumps into the awaiting arms, “Daddy!”

Xander smiles at him and they head toward the master bedroom.  Adin is about to put on a t-shirt with sweatpants when Xander steps in, Cailean on his hip.

“Don’t,” Xander stops him.

“Hm?” Adin looks at his confused.

Xander places Cailean on the bad, their little boy sitting and patiently waiting to get dressed before running off.  Xander digs through his closet and gives Adin black jeans and a light button-up shirt.  Adin looks at the clothes with a raised brow.  Xander doesn’t offer any explanation and simply forces the teen to change.

Adin feels somewhat uncomfortable in his new attire.  He doesn’t have much time to protest because as soon as he’s finished changing, he’s being kicked out of the room so Cailean and Xander can get ready.  He opens his mouth to argue, but Xander steals his breath away with a kiss before closing the door.

Adin is still dazed and when the door groans open again, he has to look down to find Cailean toddle out with his hair wild and dripping droplets of water on his new clothes.  Xander follows after him and Adin is left speechless.  He looks almost as good as when he’s naked.

Xander smirks at Adin’s awe struck expression and it makes the younger man blush when he’s caught.

“We’re going to be late if we don’t hurry,” Xander says as he offers his arm to Adin.

The drive isn’t dreadfully long, but Adin feels nervous butterflies in his stomach.  A fancy restaurant comes to view just ahead.

Joseph is waiting for them looking just as uncomfortable as Adin feels.

Xander hands the keys to a valet driver as he helps Adin and Cailean out of the car.

“Shall we?”

They’re led inside and Adin’s mouth waters at the smell of spices and the promise of food.  This is where they’re going to eat lunch?

Someone is already waiting for them at their table in a private section of the restaurant.  Dylan stands and greets his brother with a pleased smile.

“Sorry I changed our reunion to lunch.  My brother wouldn’t have made it otherwise,” Xander explains as he pulls out Adin’s seat.

Dylan does the same for Joseph, but he walks around the table and sits across from Adin instead of beside him.  Xander doesn’t comment but does try to hide his laugh when Cailean takes the seat Dylan pulled out, the tyke struggling to get up until his rump is finally on the seat.  Dylan glowers but sits across from his brother nonetheless.

“I have some news,” Xander begins.

Adin looks at him curiously as the man pulls out a few papers he hadn’t even noticed.

“Cailean Fionn is legally my son now,” Xander announces.

Adin’s eyes widen in surprise.  How?  They barely talked about it just a few nights ago.

“Dylan pulled some strings,” he explains the unasked questions.

Adin doesn’t know whether to feel gratefully, fearful, or relieved.

“I know you’re scared,” Xander whispers, the man takes his hand beneath the table and Adin relaxes as he comforts him, “but I made a promise.”

A waiter takes their order interrupting their moment.  Cailean and Adin order juice while the others choose wine.  Joseph pointedly ignores Dylan and Adin briefly wonders what transpired between the two.  His musings are gone when their food arrives and he digs in as if he were a starving, dying, man.

“This is delicious,” he moans in amazement.

Xander smiles, proud that he made Adin happy.  He squeezes the hand interlocked with his as they eat.

“So, is this why we’re celebrating?  Adoption?” Dylan asks, a knowing glint in his eyes as he tries to break away from the gloom clouding his mind.

Xander grabs a napkin and dabs the corner of his mouth as he rises.

He pulls the back of Adin’s chair so they’re facing each other.

Adin lets his fork drop, the clink against his plate never distracting him from Xander’s form as the man kneels on one knee.  Adin’s heart feels like it’s going to explode as it beats wildly in his chest.

“Adin Fionn, I know that we didn’t meet under the best circumstances.  I know I am a horrible man and I could never understand why you would forgive me and take me for who I am.  I hurt you, I hurt someone who was nothing but truthful and understanding.  We don’t know each other, but no body dies knowing someone so completely, so whole.  Still, we have a lifetime to learn from one another and the thought of waking up without you… I can’t fathom it.  So, Adin Fionn, do you think you can fall in love with me as I am falling for you?  Will you give me a chance to prove myself?  Will you marry me?  Spend forever with me?”

Adin is speechless and it’s like he can’t breathe.  His body is on autopilot as he launches himself into Xander’s awaiting arms.  He buries his face in the crook of the man’s neck as he breathes a litany of yes, yes, yes!   Xander holds him tight and presses a kiss to his temple.  Adin can feel his heartbeat and he knows its beating for him.

“I love you,” Xander whispers.

Adin can’t form the words on his tongue, but Xander understands, that’s all he needs.

XXIII

Joseph hugs Adin tightly, happy that at least one of them can have a perfect ending.  When they part, he coos at Adin’s growing stomach and ruffles Cailean’s hair.  He tries hard to avoid Adin’s stare, knowing that something isn’t quite right.  The flamboyant person he met, was suddenly quiet and his radiance dim.  Just before leaving, just as Joseph was beginning to think he was off the hook, Adin stops him.  He has those eyes that make Joseph want to spill his own insecurities and desires, but he is just a few steps away.

“What happened?” He asks concerned.

“Nothing to be worried about,” Joseph assures.

Adin’s brows furrow.  He doesn’t believe him because if it’s something seemingly constant on his mind, then it’s more than nothing.  He tries again but Joseph only offers a reassuring smile.

“If I couldn’t handle it, I would tell you,” Joseph adds.

Adin sighs, “I like Dylan, he seems like a good person.  Whatever problems you have, just talk it out.  Tell him your insecurities if you can’t tell me.  That fear that festers in your chest will only get worse if you decide to let it be.”

Joseph looks at the ground because deep down he knows Adin is right.  However, the hurt is outweighing the fear and he doesn’t want to repeat that.  He doesn’t want to be lulled into a fake sense of security only to be left alone sticky with sweat and cum.  He swallows past the lump forming in his throat.  He wants more than what Dylan is willing to give.

“Nothing happened between Dylan and me,” Joseph answers nonchalantly, “he seems fine and all, and it’s nothing personal, but I’m just not interested.”

Dylan looks at him, catches his eye as he finishes saying those words and anger gleams back at him.  He faces Adin again and presses a kiss to his forehead.

“I want a happy ending, but fairytales aren’t for everyone,” Joseph smiles sadly, “if you’re happy, then I’m happy.”

Adin hugs him tight and tiny arms soon wrap around their legs making them stumble.  Xander is beside Adin in an instant to prevent his fall.  Adin’s cold hands grasp Xander’s arms snaking from behind him and resting on his stomach.  There’s a deep contentment shared between them and Joseph picks Cailean up easily.

“We all live a fairytale,” Xander begins, “the road to that happily ever after is just longer than others.”

Joseph rolls his eyes and tells Cailean in a pretend hushed voice, “your daddy is silly.”

“Silly daddy,” Cailean giggles.

Xander looks toward his brother who only has eyes for Joseph before placing a kiss to the corner of Adin’s mouth.

Exhausted Adin takes Cailean in his arms and tries to hug his best friend one last time before leaving.

Xander leads them to the awaiting car with a hand on Adin’s lower back before opening the door for him.  Joseph watches from a distance trying hard to avoid Dylan but knowing the man is persistent.  As the car disappears, Dylan finally approaches him but he doesn’t speak.  His lips are pursed, pale in anger, and he grasps Joseph hand rather harshly before dragging him to his car.  Joseph struggles but knows not to make scene.

“Let go,” he hisses lowly.

Dylan ignores him and closes the door after Joseph is seated and strapped.  He goes the driver’s side and takes a deep breath.

“Not interested,” he nearly growls.

Joseph looks out the window, having half a mind to jump out the moving car.

“Joseph-”

“I don’t want to talk,” he interrupts.

“Then listen ,” Dylan stresses.

Joseph has his arms crossed over his body, almost afraid and hiding.

“I didn’t leave you,” Dylan begins.

“Funny, I remember waking up alone,” Joseph snaps.

Dylan makes a turn into an isolated detour.

“I wanted Adin to be without the constant fear that he and Cailean would be taken away.  I had to get Adin’s father to agree with the marriage and the baby’s adoption so there wouldn’t be any legal issues.  Everything is not simple and I had to do what I thought was right.”

“Couldn’t you have left a note?  Maybe woke me up before leaving?  Was that so damn hard?”

Dylan slams on the break and glares at Joseph, “I didn’t leave you.  I went back to look for you, hoping we could talk and decide whether we could start a relationship but you were gone .”

“I wasn’t the one that left first!”

“But you couldn’t wait?  You just ran away, avoided my calls, avoided me and suddenly you’re not interested.  You could have at least told me to my face that you prefer working like a-”  Dylan stops, face red, eyes wide, and panting.

“Like a what?  A slut?  That I prefer to sell my body than to sleep with you?”

Joseph is close to tears as he struggles out of his seatbelt but Dylan isn’t going to let him go.  He grasps Joseph’s hand and leads it to his lips as he presses a soft kiss.  The tender action catches Joseph off guard as he looks at Dylan with wide tearful eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, “I didn’t mean to hurt you.  Not then, not now.  It’s hard to talk when you won’t listen.  I just… I wanted to tell you that I wanted something more than just sex.  I wanted to love and be loved.  I wanted you, but… I guess you don’t want me, an us.  I’m sorry for everything, just let me take you home.”

Joseph breathes heavily.  He doesn’t reply, all words have left him but his body suddenly relaxes and he lets the sound of the car’s wheels against smooth concrete lull him into a sense of safety.

The drive is over soon.  Joseph has his hand on the handle of the door but he can’t make his body move.  Dylan isn’t looking at him anymore.  He’s looking straight ahead trying to hide the hurt of rejection and shame of exploding at the one person he wanted to love.  Joseph let’s his hand land on Dylan’s which grip the steering wheel tightly, afraid to respond.

“I’m sorry too… I shouldn’t have acted like I knew everything.  I should have had more self worth and maybe I would’ve seen that someone could have loved me like I love them.  I wanted to try with you.  I wanted an us.  You were the first person who didn’t criticise me for wearing dresses and lipstick and heels.  You accepted me where my own family abandoned me.  I’m sorry Dylan and… thank you.”

Joseph opens the door and leaves.  Dylan doesn’t call out, doesn’t try to stop him.  He doesn’t move and barely breathes.  His heart aches.

He needs a drink.

XXIV

It was awkward but nothing could wipe off the small, almost proud, smile on Joseph’s pale face as he watched his best friend tie his life to the one man who has treated him like a true princess. He bites the inside of his cheek and under his long curled lashes, peers at the man beside him. There’s tension surrounding them but both have agreed to act civil if only for a few hours. For a few days. For a few weeks.

Joseph’s arm might be aching from holding Cailean for close to an hour on his hip, but his happiness won’t tamper off. Cailean stares ahead at his parents with a lollipop making his hands sticky. He wears a small tux, almost matching with his daddy aside from the colored tie around his thin neck. Joseph himself is in formal attire, in a dark grey suit with a white carnation in the breast pocket of the jacket. Dylan wears a light blue suit, pressed against his toned body, biceps bulging as he leans forward and signs.

Joseph stops looking, scolds himself for doing so. The judge calls his name and he looks at the older man who looks back expectantly with calm and kind eyes. Dylan, the ever considerate gentleman, takes Cailean under outstretched arms that cling to him as the tyke giggles, his lollipop stuck on the cuff of the man’s jacket. Joseph steps forward and signs on the dotted line, his heart pounding in his chest as his eyes flicker to Dylan’s neatly signed name. He wonders if this could have been them.

He finishes with a flourish of his wrist and steps back.

“I now pronounce you husbands,” the dark skinned man smiles, his teeth shining like pearls.

“I promise to love you until the end of the line,” Xander whispers as he leans his forehead against Adin’s.

Adin looks back at his husband, his life.

“I’ll love you forever,” Adin whispers back, as if it were only both of them together.

The kiss isn’t chaste. It holds endless promises of love, of family. Thin arms wrap around Xander’s shoulders, Adin’s swollen belly pressed against the man’s muscled stomach as he kisses him back just as fervently. Adin’s hair nearly comes undone, his wavy curls held back almost femininely and yet in a masculine style. He wears a black jacket, much like his husband’s, but his rumpled shirt is checkered whereas Xander’s is plain white. They look good, made for one another.

Joseph averts his gaze away from the private moment. He can’t help but look at Dylan who stares back at him, Cailean resting against his chest. He doesn’t know if he can survive two weeks with Dylan. As he looks back at Adin, who’s flustered (his ears tinged pink), he knows he would do anything for him.

Adin purses his kiss swollen lips to hide his overwhelming smile, but he can’t hold back as his eyes shine so bright. He throws himself at Joseph who catches him with ease as they hug.

“Congratulations,” Joseph smiles.

“Oh my God,” Adin breathes giddy.

Adin’s smile is contagious as he pulls back and they share a knowing laugh.

“I’m so happy for you, both of you,” Joseph grins.

“Thank you Joseph,” Adin sighs contently as they watch the Darrow brothers talk, Cailean now in his daddy’s arms.

“Shall we go celebrate?”

“Let’s,” Adin nods excitedly.

Joseph hides his laugh, remembering the night before when he took Adin to the bar they worked in. The madame had closed early and reserved the place for them to celebrate Adin’s last day as a bachelor.

The wedding and the after party is a small affair, intimate.

It lasts well into the night and Cailean is fast asleep in his bedroom with the door ajar. Joseph stands next to Dylan, mentally wondering if he’s ready. Adin gnaws at his plush bottom lip contemplating whether he should go. Joseph rolls his eyes and gives his best friend a tight hug as best he can.

Xander exchanges a few words with Dylan, asking for daily reports of their small but succeeding law firm. Dylan promises to do so if Xander relaxes and enjoys his honeymoon. Adin shifts nervously, suddenly realizing this is his wedding night.

“He won’t hurt you,” Joseph assures, hoping he’s right.

“I know,” Adin says, “but I’m still nervous. I don’t even know if I can leave Cailean alone for two weeks.”

Joseph rolls his eyes but still smiles at Adin, “He’s not alone. He’ll have me… and Dylan. Just have fun. Munchkin one will be safe with us while you take care of munchkin two with your hubby.”

Adin takes a deep breath, “I’m married… at nineteen.”

Joseph smirks as he pokes his baby bump. Adin smiles back, holding back a laugh.

Xander waits by the door, duffel bags whisked away by Kevin, the younger Darrow’s faithful chauffeur and bodyguard.

“Thank you Joseph, please keep me updated on Cailean and yourself,” Adin pleads.

“I will, now go!” Joseph shoos.

“Bye,” Adin smiles as he hugs him one last time.

Joseph watches them go and stands rather awkwardly beside Dylan much like in the wedding just a few hours ago.

“Are you hungry?” Dylan asks.

“Not so,” Joseph answers and walks away without another word.

Dylan sighs, this is going to be an interesting two weeks.

---

Adin stares out the window as the world turns into a blur. His hand rests on his belly where he feels the baby squirm and wriggle inside his womb. He doesn’t know what Xander planned for their honeymoon but his body is thrumming with excitement and apprehension.

The car comes to a stop three hours later and Adin furrows his brow as he stares at a small house surrounded in sand. Xander hides his smile as he opens Adin’s door and helps him out. Adin stumbles and lands in Xander’s arms. He breathes in his cologne and pulls back embarrassed. Xander merely kisses his forehead before leading him inside the house. Adin has the burning question to ask where they are but bites his tongue.

The house is covered in a light sheen of dust, but everything is well kept and tidy, warm and homey. Adin looks around, he’s exhausted but he refuses to lie down.

“Hungry?” Xander asks.

Adin looks at him and shakes his head, he’s still full from dinner with Dylan and Joseph. Xander sets the duffel bags in the living room and takes Adin’s hand to lead him upstairs. Adin is quiet but his eyes widen as soon as he sees white rose petals leading to a king-sized bed with red sheets, the petals forming a silky heart.

His mouth is suddenly dry and his eyes land on Xander who starts stripping, his tie discarded beside his shoes and socks as he walks barefoot toward his husband.

“Ready?” Xander smiles gently.

“As I’ll ever be,” Adin smiles nervously.

He flinches when Xander tugs at his skewed jacket designed to hide his baby bump for the small ceremony. They haven’t done anything in months and it’s like Adin’s first time all over again, but sweeter, softer. He tries to shy himself away when Xander unbuttons his shirt and he stands half naked, the checkered shirt hanging off his slim shoulder, his chest and belly exposed. Xander drinks in the sight.

“Don’t hide, not from me,” Xander begs, his voice thick and husky.

Adin nods as he lets the shirt drop. He slowly slides his pants off his thighs and stands completely bare before his husband. The sight makes Xander’s mouth dry, makes him lose his breath. He gently pushes Adin until he falls on the soft bed. Biting his lip Adin lets his thighs part and Xander rests between them. His eyes gaze over Adin’s flushed body. He looks like an angel, gorgeous, beautiful. Adin swallows thickly as Xander leans down and licks at his entrance, a gasp ripping from his throat.

“Fuck,” Xander curses as he delves his tongue deeper.

His places his finger to Adin’s plump lips and he sucks them in his pretty little mouth getting them wet. His tongue gives small tentative licks and Xander yanks them out before pressing his index alongside his tongue into his lover’s body. Adin’s body arches at the intrusion, his belly jutting out more. Xander is merciless as he adds another and another, until he’s nearly fisting Adin. Adin writhes and moans at the unbearable pressure insistent against his prostate. He feels Xander add something slick to make it easier to continue sliding into his body and he orgasms until he sees stars. Xander pulls out his drenched fingers and undoes his pants to free his hardening cock. The head of his cock drips pre-cum as he presses it against Adin’s puckered, yet loose, hole making it shine in the dark room lit by scarce candles and moonlight. He pushes his erect cock inside his lover, his husband, his life.

“ ’ander,“ Adin whimpers, his bottom lip gnawed a pretty red.

“Shh,” Xander soothes.

Adin is oversensitive as Xander pauses, completely sheathed inside. Gently, ever so careful, he pulls out and sets an easy rhythm. Adin grasps a fistful of petals as his hips meet Xander’s erratic thrusts. Smiling to himself in triumph, Xander takes a puffy nipple to his mouth, his lips encasing the tender skin in warmth and grazing it with his teeth. Adin can’t hold back his cries.

He comes, his breath hitching in his throat as Xander’s thrusts falter. He feels Adin’s warm slick walls tighten around his pounding cock and he spills inside him making a mess.

Adin watches him through hooded eyes, his body putty in the man’s hands, as he admires Xander’s body while the man rips his shirt off.

“Don’t fall asleep yet baby,” Xander grins wickedly.

Adin nods in obedience. He feels Xander’s softening cock inside him, keeping him so unbelievably full.

“You look beautiful,” Xander whispers against his ear as he bites the lobe.

“I’m big,” Adin complains although there’s no bite.

“You’re pregnant, with our baby,” Xander reminds.

Callous hands cup Adin’s swollen stomach and Xander can’t believe he’s already on his fourth month, nearly fifth. His fingers trace the pink stretch marks and they’re proof of something so good, something theirs.

“I love you,” Xander breathes.

“I love you too Xander,” Adin smiles, his voice soft yet hoarse from screaming.

Xander starts moving again and Adin grips the man’s shoulders tightly. His oversensitive body caressed by the rose petals, soft sheets, and tantalizing, teasing fingers.

“More,” he whimpers, “more please.”

“It’s okay baby, I got you,” Xander promises.

“Til the end of the line?”

“Til forever,” Xander smiles.

XXV

The smell of sizzling bacon is what rouses Xander from his deep sleep. His brow furrows in confusion when he feels the bed beside him painfully empty and cold. With sluggish limbs, he gets up from the bed and forgoes putting anything on, sleep still clouding his mind.

A shiver runs up his bare feet and through his body, the wooden floor cool despite the warm sun filtering through the windows. He scrubs hand through his unruly hair momentarily passing over his face, his palm tickled by the scruff he should shave. With a yawn, he stops by the kitchen entrance only to find Adin cooking in his white button-up from the wedding, doing nothing to hide his swollen stomach. A small smile tugs at his lips as he stares, drinking in the delicious sight. His mouth waters as wide blue eyes land on him, his body casually leaning against the wall.

Adin returns a small, almost shy smile.

“Are you hungry?” He asks.

“Mmm, I am,” Xander nods with eyes dark in lust.

Adin gulps slightly, his body flushing in arousal.

“May I?” Xander asks nonchalantly as he steps closer.

He nods and that’s all Xander needs before delving his tongue in Adin’s warm mouth. Adin wraps his arms around Xander’s shoulders as he melts. Xander easily holds him around his expanding waist, his nose brushing against Adin’s warm skin as he presses kisses against his throat. Adin squirms, wanting more, oh so much more.

“Xan,” He gasps.

“I love you baby,” Xander smiles pleased with his reactions.

“Love you too,” Adin moans.

The fire alarm starts blaring and the smell of burning toast fills the kitchen. It’s enough to get them back to their senses. Adin looks sheepishly as he hurries to turn off the toaster while Xander opens a window and fans the fire alarm with a hand towel hanging by the sink until it shuts up.

Adin is blushing almost as if embarrassed and Xander tries not to smile.

“Is it edible?” He asks.

Adin stares at the toast he carefully pulls out. He takes a bite despite the charred bread and makes a disgusted face before spitting it in the sink.

“No,” he gags.

Xander hands him a glass of water before he can choke on the horrid taste.

“You didn’t have to try it,” Xander scolds.

Adin smiles as he shrugs, “I wanted to, it’s horrible in case you wanted to know.”

“I didn’t want toast anyway,” Xander assures.

“Then what did you want?” Adin asks a little bolder.

“You,” Xander replies smoothly as he takes a seat in front of the plate filled with sunny-side-up eggs, crunchy bacon, and pancakes.

“Come’ere,” He orders.

Adin shuffles toward him until he’s standing there fidgeting with the cuffs of the shirt that is husband’s.

“Sit,” Xander whispers.

Adin peeks at him through long lashes, what ?

Xander takes his hand and guides him to his lap.

“I want to try something,” he whispers against Adin’s ear.

Adin closes his eyes as a tingle runs down his spine making him squirm. He feels Xander’s hardening cock and he subconsciously bites his plump lip.

“Raise your hips a little,” he adds.

Adin braces his hands on the table in front of them as he does as told. He feels the insistent nudge of Xander’s hard cock at his still loose entrance and a soft whimper escapes him when he sinks down on the length. Xander bites his shoulder, his soft grunts pressed to delicious skin.

“I want to ravish you,” he rasps harshly.

Adin moans, his head thrown back against Xander’s shoulder. He’s so impossibly deep. He can’t help but wriggle his hips and Xander has to place his hands on them to stop Adin from continuing.

“You won’t come,” Xander begins, “until we finish eating.”

Adin’s eyes widen at that. Xander expects him to sit on his cock as they eat?

Xander picks up his fork and dips it in Adin’s plate of scrambled eggs.

“Open up,” he whispers.

Adin does so and chews at the food slowly. With small gasps escaping, he reaches for a fork he can use so he can feed Xander too. Xander takes the proffered sunny-side-up eggs jaggedly cut into easier pieces to chew.

Adin is panting before they finish, every move pulling at his stretched entrance.

“Just a bit more,” Xander assures.

“Want you,” Adin mumbles incoherently, “please.”

“I know sweetheart,” Xander coos.

Adin feels full in so many ways. He can’t bring himself to take another bite of syrup drenched pancakes and Xander knows it’s enough as he carefully stands. Adin leans forward, supporting his heavy body with his forearms atop the table, his messy wild hair coming undone. His belly hangs low and tears spring to his eyes as Xander finally moves, slow and careful. Loving.

“Are you okay?”

“Ngh… more please,” Adin moans.

“Okay my sweet,” Xander complies.

His erection curls against his belly before he orgasms, cum painting his stomach and the table. Feeling Adin’s walls constrict so suddenly around his cock has Xander spilling inside him. He pulls out slowly and catches Adin who snuggles exhaustedly against him.

“Sleepy?” Xander asks.

“Sleepy,” Adin nods, his eyes closed and his breathing evening out.

Xander doesn’t hide his pleased smile.

---

“Are you hungry Cailean?” Joseph asks as he wakes the little boy.

“Mommy?”

“Mommy is out with Xander remember?”

Cailean looks confused for a second before he remembers and nods.

Joseph smiles and watches amused as the little tyke scrambles off the bed and undresses. He takes the little hand and leads him to the bathroom where they have a bubble bath fight, which Joseph loses but won’t admit. He had already taken a shower before waking Cailean but as he steps out of the bathroom carrying Cailean wrapped in a towel, he has bubbles in his hair and his clothes are drenched. They’re in the middle of changing, Cailean only struggling with his shirt, when both stare as their stomachs growls. Cailean giggles as he shakes his hair. Joseph sits him down with a warm patient smile.

“We’ll fix your hair and then we can go eat, okay?”

“Okay,” Cailean nods.

Joseph is careful as he detangles Cailean’s hair. He makes a few plaits he pulls back and ties off with a hair tie.

“Do you want to cut your hair?” He asks curiously.

“No,” Cailean shakes his head, admiring his braided hairstyle.

“Why?” Joseph asks.

“Weminds me of mommy,” Cailean shrugs before hopping from where he was perched.

“Adin?”

“No, othel mommy.”

Joseph is left speechless as he watches Cailean run down the halls and to the kitchen. He tries to stop the shocked tears from escaping as he rubs his reddening eyes. Taking a deep breath to compose himself, he strides into the kitchen. Dylan gives him a confused and nearly concerned stare but Joseph won’t look at him. Cailean munches happily with, surprisingly, a minimal mess. Joseph stares at his plate and eats a few bites, mumbling a quick thank you when he’s done.

Dylan nods and before long he has Cailean settled watching some cartoon on TV. He returns to the kitchen and finds Joseph scrubbing the plates.

“What’s wrong?” Dylan asks.

“He remembers,” Joseph answers.

“Who?”

“Cailean remembers his mom… his real mom. He’ll probably forget her but… I just…”

“Hey, it’s okay.” Dylan soothes.

“Some people love their kids so unconditionally and then there’s people like me, who are abused and tossed aside because I’m “different”. I hate that the good people are the ones who hurt most. How do you think Adin feels?“ Joseph asks.

“Happy,” Dylan shrugs.

Joseph stares at him surprised, not expecting that answer without a hint of hesitation.

“Despite everything, Joseph, he found happiness.”

Like I desperately want to.

But instead of responding with those words stuck in his throat, Joseph excuses himself and goes into the living room where he watches cartoons with Cailean. They play and laugh. Dylan leaves at some point and only comes back when Joseph is putting away Cailean’s toys, the tyke sleeping on the couch as the sky darkens. Dylan takes off his jacket and drapes it over the couch arm before picking up Cailean and putting him to bed as to not rouse him. Joseph is gone when he returns to the tidied living room.

XXVI

He’s gasping for breath as his back presses against the door, tears threatening to fall. His chest aches and his throat is sore, his pale face is blotchy with pink as his hands trembling. In a desperate attempt to hide the trembling in his body, he wraps his arms around his waist tightly. He closes his eyes and tries to stop his heart from racing. Except his mind is on replay as flashes of what happened a mere hour ago plagues him. He can’t stop the tears from falling.

“Joseph?”

“Dylan,” he gasps as he slumps in the man’s awaiting arms.

“Joseph, what hap-” He stops himself when he sees blood staining the younger man’s pants and Dylan has to stop himself from lashing out.

“Who did this?”

Joseph opens his mouth but all that comes out are broken breaths as his vision swims. 

“No, please, just,” he whimpers, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Dylan slides down carefully until Joseph is sitting on his lap desperate to control his erratic breathing.

“Who, Joseph?”

Joseph shakes his head as he buries his face in the older man’s shoulder.  He clings to him, his body aching and shivering.

It takes some time until Joseph has his breathing under control, tears drying and staining his cheeks.  His eyes are a dull grey, the shine he left with after eating dinner with him and Cailean is gone.  In it’s place is a vacant stare full of pain.  Dylan presses a kiss to his messy hair as he wipes a bit of blood from his torn lip.  Joseph only flinches at the sting but is otherwise unresponsive when Dylan picks him up and takes him to his guest room.

Just as Dylan reaches the door to go in search for Joseph’s clothes, the younger boy grasps his hand.  With pleading eyes he begs him not to leave him.  It breaks something inside Dylan to see Joseph, a flamboyant and outgoing lovable person, broken and withered to a shell of a man.

“Okay, I’m not going anywhere,” he reassures.

Joseph nods slowly as he watches the man dig for clean clothes in his designated dresser.  He’s careful when he peels away Joseph’s bloodied clothes.  He grabs the first aid kit and dabs some hydrogen peroxide onto the countless cuts and scratches on his sensitive skin.  Joseph bites his lip until he tastes blood and Dylan forces him to stop.

“Hurts,” he whispers with a crack in his voice.

Dylan presses a kiss to those bruised lips making Joseph’s eyes flutter closed.

“You’re quitting,” he states.

Joseph looks at him dazed, not quite understanding what was just ordered.

“What?”

“You’re leaving that bar,” Dylan repeats.

Joseph is about to open his mouth and argue but Dylan cups his chin and stops him.

“Damn  it Joseph.  If you want to cross dress then do it.  Wear frilly dresses, or skin tight clothes as if they were painted on your body, wear panties and leave your hair long.  Add blush or maybe cherry red lipstick.  Let me hold you, ravish you, but don’t shut me out.  We’ve both made mistakes but don’t sell yourself short.  Joseph you are amazing and you deserve more than this life you lead.  Be mine, trust me. Please, Joseph.  Let me love you.  You drive me crazy and I hate that every second I can only think of you.  I hate every second we spend together knowing I just couldn’t have you,” Dylan growls, “I want you. All of you, for who you are.  I want you and no one else but you.”

Joseph struggles to breathe as tears blur his sight yet again.  His mouth is parted but all he can do is breathe harshly as the words sink in.  

“I want an us,” Dylan adds softly, afraid of rejection.

“I… I’m not…” Joseph has to reign his emotions in before he continues and gathers his thoughts, “I’m not just going to be ordered around Dylan.  I’m tired, so damn tired of surviving, I just want to live my life, and… I want it to be with you.  I love you and I fucked up, I’m so sorry,” he hiccups.

Dylan wraps his arms around him and holds him close to his heart, “You can earn your pay.  You can work as my secretary and wear those black tight skirts and have your hair in a messy bun.  So long as you’re happy Joseph, I don’t want to see you hurt anymore.”

Joseph nods his assent and when  he manages to fall asleep, it’s with a feeling of protection and warmth and love.  His ear is pressed to Dylan’s chest,where the man’s heart is filled with unbelievable love.

He grabs his phone, careful not to rouse Joseph who whimpers at the slight disturbance.

-911 what seems to be your emergency?

-My… My boyfriend was raped and I’d like to make a report.

When the details are given and an ambulance arrives not ten minutes after the call, Dylan knows he has to wake up Joseph from his short nap.

Joseph swallows past the lump in his throat as police officers and paramedics enter the house.  A kind police officer volunteers to stay with Cailean in the living room while the others take care of Joseph and draw up the report.

Joseph begs Dylan to stay beside him as one of the paramedics does the rape kit and he closes his eyes, his hand crushing Dylan’s when they swab some of the cum dripping from his torn entrance.

They ask him about his rapist and he has to stop himself from having a panic attack as he describes the man in detail.  He’s still distressed and crying when they’re done and the paramedics are forced to sedate him so he won’t hurt himself further.

Before leaving they hand Dylan a card and he looks at the team in confusion.

“A psychologist for traumatic rape victims,” one explains, “it’ll help.”

Dylan nods and thanks them as they leave.  He takes Cailean in his arms and puts him back to sleep now that the commotion is finally settled.  In a few days they’ll receive a call to ID the rapist and he knows this is going to be hard but Joseph isn’t alone.  He has a family that loves him.

---

Xander and Adin return from their honeymoon three days earlier than they were supposed to.  Joseph feels guilty but Adin simply holds him.  No one says anything as he breaks down in his best friend’s arms.

“You’re safe now.”

“Thank you,” he croaks.

They spend the rest of the day together.  Xander runs to buy ice cream and drags both Dylan and Cailean with him.  It brings a small smile to Joseph’s tear stained face when they return with bags of chips, soda, and ice cream.  He can practically smell the take out from the bags Dylan carries.

When the couple kisses, Adin and Xander share a knowing look but don’t comment.  Instead they focus on Cailean who squeezes between the newlywed while they watch a comedy together, his chubby hand resting on Adin’s swollen belly as he talks to the baby inside his mommy.

XXVII

Joseph feels ridiculous

He stares at himself in the mirror and he still can’t believe who he sees.

Strong arms wrap around his waist as Dylan presses his body against him.

“You look beautiful,” he whispers into his ear as he presses a kiss to Joseph’s exposed neck.

“For some reason, I kind of feel ugly,” Joseph whispers.

His psychologist said he would feel insecure after the rape and that he might even suffer from PTSD as his self-esteem plummets.

“Nonsense,” Dylan smiles, his breath ghosting over sensitive skin.

Joseph sighs as he turns around to face his lover instead of looking at him through the mirror.  Dylan leans down and presses a gentle kiss to his plump lips.  Joseph almost wants to fight back but he melts in the man’s arms.“I love you,” Dylan mumbles against his lips.

“You ruined my lipstick,” Joseph pouts.

Dylan can’t help but grin wide at the comment, “Sorry?”

“Tell me again when you mean it,” Joseph nips his lip just before slipping out of Dylan’s embrace.

Dylan’s gaze ravages through the dress he wears, making him feel just a bit hot and bothered.

“We’re going to be late,” Joseph reminds breathless.

“Are we?”

“If you continue looking at me like that, yes.  Come on, you have a meeting at nine,” he nods.

Dylan sighs as he grabs his jacket and his keys.  Joseph is by the door waiting for him with his arms crossed over his chest.  Just before stepping out the door he slaps Joseph’s pert ass.  Joseph’s small whelp was well worth the glare he receives, especially when those warm cheeks heat up a nice dark hue.

Joseph pretends to ignore him on their way to the car but Dylan knows it’s all an act.  Just as they arrive and he pulls into a parking space in the lot he presses a kiss to the younger man’s cheek.

“I’m not mad at you,” Joseph clarifies.

“I know,” Dylan smiles reassuringly, “I love you.”

They walk into the small building that makes up the D & X Darrow law firm.  Dylan heads straight to the meeting room with one last kiss to Joseph’s lips.  Joseph heads to his desk with his cheeks still flushed and his lips tingling.

He sets his purse down and begins his work, answering calls, organizing clientele papers and files, and sifting through potential cases.  The meeting lasts well into noon and just before it’s adjourned to be continued the following day, the elevator dings.  Joseph looks up as a man in a dark suit approaches the desk, a scowl on his otherwise handsome face.  His hair is ruffled and graying, soft wrinkles around cold eyes.

“I’m looking for Xander and Dylan Darrow,” the man states.

Something about his demeanor makes Joseph tense.  This man seems familiar in an eerie way that makes the hair at the nape of his neck stand.

“They’re in a meeting,” Joseph replies, his voice soft but no doubt masculine.

The man’s face contorts in disgust.

“They have a trans working for them?  How unprofessional and utterly disgusting,” he sneers.

“I’m a cross-dresser sir, and I’m making an honest living here.  This law firm, although small, is diverse and accepting.  But I can see that this is something your company lacks,” Joseph answers, knowing that this man is a competitor by the way he’s dressed and acting, as if he’s won millions of cases before.

“I’m not here to be told off by some rude slut, I’m here to speak to my sons,” the man growls.

Joseph rises and slams his hands on his desk, “So you’re the man that drove my bosses away, the person that nearly destroyed them for selfish wants.”

Steven Darrow grasps the boy’s pretty face, bruising it.  He leans forward, ready to threaten the insolent brat.

“Steven Darrow, I’d suggest you let my secretary go before my company decides to sue you for harassment,” Dylan growls from the doorway of the meeting room.

Xander has his phone out, ready to call security if need be.

“You honestly think you can sue me?  Me over a slut?”

“Mr. Darrow,” Xander hisses.

“Xander,” his father regards.

“Joseph, come here,” Dylan orders.

Joseph pulls away from the man’s painful hold before hurrying to Dylan’s awaiting arms.  He buries his face in the crook of his lover’s neck, the familiar scent and warmth making him melt.

“If I were you, I’d take my leave,” Dylan says.

“I’m not going anywhere until we talk,” the man retorts.

Xander tenses when he hears the elevator dings, knowing perfectly well that it’s Adin after promising to eat lunch together.  

Adin steps out, his belly round and heavy as he waddles toward Xander.  Immediately, Xander wraps his arms around Adin, Cailean following behind his mommy and bumping into the back of his legs when he stops in his daddy’s arms.  Jealous, Cailean whines and sticks his arms up begging to be picked up and coddled.  Xander does so after placing a quick peck to Adin’s plump lips.

His father narrows his eyes as he stares at the newcomer.  Adin is wearing a tight black dress, making his belly just a smidge slimmer although still noticeably swollen and pregnant.  He’s wearing lacy flats and his hair is in a loose and messy bun of curls.  He has a bit of blush on his rounded cheeks, filled out with the pregnancy.  Xander can feel the lipstick smudged on his own lips from their brief kiss.

“Who is she?”  His father questions.

Adin turns to face the man and with a warm smile steps toward him with his hand out waiting for a polite handshake.

 “Sorry for being rude, my name is Adin Fionn-Darrow,” he greets, his voice soft and delicate, almost like a woman’s with the undertone of masculinity.

The anger and fury in the man’s eyes make Adin stagger back in surprise.

“ You. You’re the brat that derailed Xander.  I see now, you’re nothing but a slut that got into his head, is this why you left?“ He snarls at Xander.

Finally noticing that something is really wrong, Adin cowers in fear, his memories drowning him in hate and pain.  Xander steps protectively in front of him, his hold on Cailean tightening just a bit.

“He’s my husband,” Xander states proudly, “and the mother of our children.”

“Children?”

His attention shifts from the blonde boy in Xander’s arms to the gravid belly on the younger man.

“On top of being a whore, you’re an abomination?” He spits, “How are you even sure the little bastard is yours?  He’s probably after your money, dressing like a bitch to please you Xander.  Why are you throwing your life away when you can have any women a million times better than that?”

Xander takes a sharp breath before handing Joseph his baby boy who stares with wide eyes at the screaming man.

“Xander,” Adin calls weakly, his hand rubbing soothingly over his distended stomach, their baby kicking and wriggling.

“Joseph, take Cailean and Adin to Xander’s office,” Dylan says, his hand on Adin’s lower back, “Mr. Darrow, follow us to my office please.”

“Xander,” Adin whimpers.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Xander coos, his hand cupping their restless baby in his lover’s womb.

“Xan.”

“It’s okay,” he smiles reassuringly, “it’ll be alright, trust me?”

“Always,” he nods.

Xander presses a kiss to his forehead before watching him go.

His father follows Dylan while he walks behind the man, his hands curled into tight fists.

When they enter the large office, Dylan takes a seat behind his desk while the man sits on the other side.  Xander opts to stand by the door.

“Stop this nonsense,” the man says immediately.

“What exactly?”

“This law firm.  It’s nothing but a joke, barely the size of a convenience store.  You’re nothing, D & X Darrow law firm is just a failing business taking up space.”

“Really?” Xander scowls, “Because these past few months we’ve been getting many cases.  Not only do we not steal people’s money, but we are honest.  In fact, our success rate is at 97%.  So what is it really?  Is it the competition?  Are you losing clients?”

“Speak to me like that Xander, and I swear-”

“Yes, swear, curse, damn me.  Dylan and I broke free from you and you just can’t stand to see us succeed and be happy because you’re embittered with your own life.  Is it not going to plan anymore Steven?”

“Xander,” Dylan hisses sternly.

“I need to go check on Adin, I’m sure you can deal with him without me,” Xander says as he reaches for the doorknob.

“Xander,” their father calls, “If I were you, I would stay and listen.  Wouldn’t want news of your abomination of a husband to be public, now would we?”

Xander’s heart freezes and his breath stops short.  What?

“Sit,” he orders.

He swallows thickly before obeying like a kicked puppy.  He takes a seat, his heart trying to beat out of his chest.

“Now, shall we continue?”

XVIII

“They’re taking a long time,” Adin whispers as he paces around the large office.

“Adin, sit down, you’re only stressing yourself out,” Joseph reprimands.

“I know,” he whispers, “but I’m scared.”

“Of what? Your husband will protect you, you need to have faith in him,” Joseph says.

Adin swallows past the lump in his throat but he doesn’t answer. His hands support his lower back as he continues to wear down the wood. Cailean is sitting on daddy’s desk, his chubby hands banging on the computer keyboard. Neither Joseph or Adin pay him any mind. Joseph is too preoccupied biting his nails as Adin panics.

“I think I’m gonna go outside for some fresh air,” Adin says after a few minutes, “please watch over Cailean?”

“Of course, if you need anything just call me,” Joseph nods.

Adin hugs him as best he can before slipping out of the office. He waddles to the elevator and hits the first floor. He waits patiently but in the small space, he feels suffocated. His heart is racing in worry and his hands are clammy. Perspiration is running down his back and his swollen stomach is cramping.

The elevator dings.

He steps out and crosses the threshold. He pauses just outside the glass door when he looks at the sky and breathes deeply. He rubs his belly, thinking that it’s nothing more than braxton hicks. He paces a bit more and is startled when the door opens. He looks up and finds Steven Darrow glaring at him.

“S-Sir,” Adin stammers as he makes to move out of the man’s way.

The man grasps his arm roughly, no doubt leaving bruises.

“What do you have that makes him act so stupid? What do you have to offer him? You are nothing but a freak of nature that has gotten into my son’s head. Do you honestly think I’ll believe you’re married?”

“We are married and maybe I’m not much but I love Xander, and he loves me.”

“Love? Perhaps you’re confusing love with pity,” he corrects.

“You weren’t there. You weren’t there when he said his vows, weren’t there when he looked at me with love and devotion. You weren’t there when he kissed me with such passion. You weren’t there and maybe it’s you who doesn’t know, couldn’t even begin to understand, what love is,” Adin argues.

“How dare yo-”

“Don’t. Don’t you dare. Or are you going to pretend that the invitation I sent never arrived? If you had seen Xander’s resigned face that his own father couldn’t accept him, if you could have felt the sadness rolling off him when he couldn’t even bring himself to write your name on the meager list of guests he refused to invite in the end. He had no one aside from his own brother and you-”

Adin stops, he’s panting and bent over, the pain is worse. What was once a dull ache was now spreading from his lower back to the underside of his swollen stomach growing stronger.

Darrow is immediately holding him up by his arm.

“Hurts,” he whimpers with a pained huff.

A warm calloused hand reaches down to feel his belly which is hardened with the contraction.

“How long have you been in pain?”

“Wha?” Adin slurs confused.

“Mr. Fionn, how long?” He demands sternly.

“S-Since this morning,” Adin gasps.

“Hang on, I need to call Xander,” he says as he leads him to a bench.

Adin thrusts his head back as he closes his eyes tightly shut, his back arches in complete agony and he wants to scream.

Before Steven can even search for Xander in his contacts, the door opens to reveal his son.

“Adin?” Xander calls, taking in the scene before him.

“Xan,” Adin calls breathlessly.

Xander is beside him immediately and Adin slumps into his husband’s awaiting arms.

“What the fuck happened?” He demands.

“Who’s his doctor? Is it Morell?”

“Stop ignoring me,” Xander growls.

“He’s in labor,” Steven glares, “I’m trying to help.”

“I… What? Why?”

“Get him in my car.”

“What?”

“It’s closer than going round back for yours. For once, listen to me and trust me.”

Xander hates how hopeless he feels as he nods and carefully picks Adin up. Adin clutches his shirt tightly, tears and sweat stinging his eyes.

“C-Can’t,” Adin whimpers.

“Hang on baby,” Xander says.

“X-Xan, hurts too much,” he sniffles.

Xander slips int eh backseat with Adin and tries to tune out his father as Adin lets out a scream that tugs at his heartstrings.

“Dr. Morell? It’s Darrow. Adin Fionn appears to be in labor.”

They make a sharp turn.

“We’ll be there in ten.”

True to his word, the car is coming to a stop in record time. Adin is breathless and losing consciousness. The head surgeon is waiting beside Dr. Morell at the entrance with a wheelchair ready. They help him get Adin out of the car without jostling him too much. Xander tries to ignore the blood staining the leather as he rushes inside the hospital.

“Xander?” Dr. Morell says, a gentle hand on his bicep as he watches Adin being taken to a private hospital room.

“Let me see him,” he begs, his voice breaking.

“Xander,” he calls sternly, “we need you to calm down first. The last thing we need is to stress him out. There’s nothing we can do, the baby wants to come out now.”

“Too early,” he shakes his head in denial.

“We know, we understand. Xander, please. We need to prep for an emergency c-section. I need to know if you can be calm enough to be in the surgery room, understand?”

“Okay,” Xander takes a deep breath, “Okay. Just… please.”

Dr. Morell pats his shoulder as he leads him to Adin’s room.

Adin is in the bed, wires and machines hooked up to monitor him and the baby.

“Adin,” he breathes.

“Xan,” Adin smiles weakly.

Xander buries his face in Adin’s shoulder as soon as he’s in his arms. Adin feels hot tears land on his neck, soaking through the fabric of the hospital gown. He lifts a trembling hand and holds Xander against his body as close as he can.

“Don’t want to lose you,” Xander mumbles.

“You won’t.”

“Promise?”

“I promise,” Adin replies.

Xander is soon called to change into scrubs. On his way to the OR, he finds his father on the phone pacing the halls. He has so many questions but not enough time, not now.

“Mr. Darrow?”

Xander looks to the petite nurse beside him.

“Ready?”

“Yes,” he nods as he places the proffered mask on.

When he sees Adin again, he has an oxygen mask on, and those brilliant eyes are dazed. Xander is only reassured by the heart monitor is steady and strong.

“Hey,” Xander greets as he takes his place beside the bed, a curtain separating their view from Adin’s lower half.

“Hi,” Adin smiles.

“Alright, Adin, need you to tell us if you feel any pain. With the anesthetics you should only feel tugging or a pulling sensation,” a nurse monitoring his vitals says.

“Okay,” Adin nods.

“Ready?” The doctor asks.

“Ready,” the parents-to-be nod.

“I love you Adin,” Xander whispers while resting his head against Adin’s.

“Love you too,” Adin slurs, his hand clutching Xander’s tightly.

The moment is ruined by a wince Adin can’t hide from the strange feelings. There’s the incessant tugging the nurse warned about and something else that’s really uncomfortable. The doctors and nurses interchange words that make no sense to him in his medication addled brain. All he wants to do is sleep, if he’s being honest. But Xander’s presence anchors him and there’s an excitement bubbling in his chest to meet his baby.

Xander catches snipetts of the whir going on the other side. He squeezes Adin’s hand when he sees a small body being lifted from the incision. His heart is suddenly so full of love for the little being before his eyes and then…

“Why isn’t she crying?” He croaks, his heart shattering into millions of pieces as the activity suddenly increases and the baby is whisked away.

He barely hears orders being tossed around as their baby lies motionless on the table.

“Oxygen levels dropping-”

“Oxygen pump, ready.”

“Compressions,

sixty

seconds.“

“Xander?” Adin gasps.

Xander tears his eyes away to look at his lover.

“Baby? Where’s our baby? Why aren’t they crying? Xander? ’ander?”

Xander lets the first tear fall as he looks at Adin, pale and weak, “Why isn’t our baby crying?”

XIX

He couldn’t breathe because deep down he knew. He knew why his baby wasn’t crying and it broke his heart. He clutched Xander’s wrist tightly, saw the tears that spilled over the red rims of glassy eyes. He opens his pale lips, his throat dry as a sob escapes.

“I’m sorry,” he whimpers, “so sorry Xan.”

Xander doesn’t hide the ache in his chest as he wipes away the tears from Adin’s cold cheeks. He leans down and presses his forehead to Adin’s, their breathing in sync as their heart constricts painfully tight. He doesn’t speak for the longest of times, until Adin is drowning in guilt he doesn’t deserve to carry.

“Not your fault,” Xander croaks, “happens. We should’ve been more careful.”

Adin’s short gasps of breaths between his sobs is the only thing that grounds Xander in that moment, to know that at least Adin is still in his arms.

“I love you,” Xander whispers.

“Still?” Adin sniffles.

“Always,” Xander answers, a feeble smile tilting his lips even as grief clouds his vision.

Adin can’t manage to smile in return, he simply holds onto Xander as his eyes fall closed.

Xander looks at him and his heart nearly stops until he sees the nurse injecting something into Adin’s IV.

Coming back to reality is like being slammed by a train, being passed over repeatedly. The doctors are focused on patching up Adin before they lose him too. Xander is at a loss. He looks at the chaos surrounding him and he doesn’t want to believe it. He and Adin were supposed to go out for some food with Cailean. They were supposed to be cuddled in bed watching some silly rom-com with Cailean nestled in between them and their baby kicking inside his lover. They should not be in the hospital. Adin should not have gone into premature labor, he should not have lost their little baby. It wasn’t fair.

His hands curl into fists and he can’t help but punch the wall behind him. The doctors don’t pay him any mind and the nurses barely even flinch.

He rests his head on the wall trying hard to fight the tears that sting his eyes. This shouldn’t have happened. This is all his fault.

And suddenly the air is knocked out of him when he hears it.

It’s soft and angry and sounds like a gurgle but it’s strong.

He looks up just in time to see a nurse holding his daughter. His little girl, who was once a grayish hue, was now turning a bright healthy pink, her chubby face scrunched up and her tiny fists waving in the air angry. Her weak cry pierced through the whir of machines and smiling doctors and nurses. She looked perfect.

“Sir,” a gentle nurse calls.

He looks down at the petite figure with an amazed look of hope, “Would you like to cut the cord?”

His mouth is dry but his action speaks louder than words as he nods without hesitation. One of the doctors who was called in specifically for the baby, was holding her in his arms. The nurse is holding out sterilized scissors which he takes. His hand is shaking so badly but they’re patient and the nurse even helps him cut the cord with ease.

---

He’s sitting on a rocking chair beside Adin’s bed.

Adin’s chest is rising and falling with each breath he takes. He’s hooked up to all types of wires monitoring his progress. In no time, a small body is in his arms looking similar to her mommy. She has tubes and wires connected to her, one was to monitor her heart rate while the other helped her breathe a little easier. There was a big fear gnawing at him, she was so light, so tiny and precious, what if he dropped her? What if she hated him?

Without a care in the world, she snuggles in his arms, seeking his warmth. His heart aches. It feels like his heart will burst. He’s in love.

“ ’ander?“ Adin groans.

Xander looks over to the bed, briefly tearing his gaze away from the beauty in his hold. Adin’s eyes flutter open but they’re not in focus. He’s dazed and kind of achy and his heart is broken. Tears rolls down the sides of his temples and soak into the pillow.

“Sorry,” he croaks.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Xander soothes, as he carefully stands up from where he’s perched.

He presses the nurse’s button as he stops beside Adin who refuses to look him in the eye. He reaches down and wipes away the tears that don’t seem to stop.

“Adin, look at me,” Xander orders.

Adin only hides under the pillow, ignoring the painful tug of the IV.

“Adin,” Xander sighs, “I love you and I wouldn’t love you any less for what happened. It wasn’t your fault. As much as it hurts, it happens. I would have loved you and Cailean regardless because I made a vow that is ingrained in my heart, my vow to you.”

“S-Stop,” Adin begs.

“Adin, please, look at me. At us.”

Adin’s sniffles stop at that. Us?

“Xan?” Adin asks as he finally looks at his husband.

His eyes widen when he sees the bundle of blankets in Xander’s arms where soft whimpers and coos come from.

“She’s been waiting to meet her mommy,” Xander whispers.

“Xander?” Adin rasps.

“Barely a few minutes old and already gave me a heart attack,” Xander smiles.

Adin can’t breathe. He doesn’t even feel the tugging of his stitches as he abruptly sits up, his arms painfully empty outstretched and begging to hold his baby girl.

Xander gladly hands her over, his own arms aching without her in them.

There’s a look of wonder in Adin’s eyes mirroring their daughter’s who coos and demands to be fed.

“She looks like you,” Xander whispers.

A wet laugh escapes Adin as he clutches his baby girl.

He carefully takes off the baby’s cap protecting her from the cold and her hair, gosh she has so much hair, is messy and sticking up in every direction with a surprisingly light shade of brown. She has his nose but her eyes, her eyes, are no doubt Xander’s.

He counts all her fingers and all her toes as a teeny tiny hand wraps around Adin’s index finger. He feels his heart stop. Her little mouth opens in a cute little “o” as she nibbles on her other hand hungrily. Adin doesn’t dwell too much on the oxygen mask on her chubby face, just glad that she’s alive and wriggling in his arms.

“I thought…” he trails off, unable to even finish the thought.

“I know,” Xander says.

“She’s perfect,” Adin adds in awe.

“Like her mommy,” Xander agrees.

Adin looks at Xander again with bashful eyes. Xander presses a kiss to his messy hair.

A nurse comes in to find the little family on the bed. Xander is braiding Adin’s hair out of the way as the baby feeds from her mommy’s breast.

It’s endearing and she hates to interrupt the intimate moment after the events that happened but she knows it’s necessary. She clears her throat politely as she steps inside the room with the patient’s medical chart. She offers a small smile at the blushing boy holding his daughter.

There are people waiting just outside the room to meet the newest family member and their little girl needs a name. Xander smiles at the kind nurse, then at his beautiful husband who tries to hide under the scrutiny. Yeah, they’re ready.

XXX

A/N: Story cover above provided by XavierRexon. Thank you XR and thanks everyone for reading!

---

No one can stop Joseph as he hurries toward the bed and hugs Adin tight. Adin returns the warm embrace with weak arms and revels in the love from his family. When they part, Joseph’s eyes land on the little bundle in Xander’s arms. His eyes grow a little wide and his mouth opens in awe. He rushes to the man and demands to hold the baby.

His eyes become a little misty when he sees the oxygen mask on her chubby flushed face. He holds her tight and kisses her forehead as she wriggles and settles in his arms. She’s so light but so beautiful.

Cailean peaks over his shoulder in Dylan’s arms. He makes a face of confusion before looking at his mommy. His tummy isn’t big anymore and his daddy told him that that was where the baby was growing. He puts two and two together and his little eyes shine bright.

“Tha’s my sissy?”

“Yeah bud, that’s your sister,” Xander smiles.

Cailean reaches out to poke a chubby cheek but before he can, the baby grasps his finger.

“So tiny,” he coos in awe.

“Just like you were,” Adin reminisces.

Cailean looks at his mommy again and demands to be put down. Once he’s free of Dylan’s hold he crawls to his mommy, careful of the ouchy places.

“Mommy,” he smiles.

Adin hugs him against his side and kisses his messy mop of hair.

“Missed you,” he whispers as if it were a secret.

“Mommy missed you too,” Adin smiles back.

Xander takes a seat beside the bed and watches as Joseph carefully hands the baby to Dylan who looks almost panicked. Xander snickers behind his hand until Adin hits his knee.

“Sorry,” he mouths with a grin.

After getting the hang of carrying his niece, Dylan turns to the couple but his focus is on Adin who is still a bit pale but gaining his strength back.

“You did great,” he says.

“Thank you,” Adin smiles, “was worth it.”

“Daddy, mommy,” Cailean calls.

“Hm?”

“Wha’s her name?” He asks innocently.

Xander and Adin share a look as they hold hands.

“Her name is Emma, after mama,” Adin answers.

“Emma Harper Darrow,” Xander nods.

“Harper?” Dylan asks, a lump suddenly forming in his throat as he looks at baby Emma.

“Yeah,” Xander chokes, “after the strongest women we know.”

Dylan doesn’t say anything, no one does for a long time.

When Cailean falls asleep beside Adin, Joseph explains that he didn’t want to sleep because he was waiting for his mommy’s goodnight kiss. It broke Adin’s heart a little and maybe a tear or two escaped. He blames it on the hormones.

Dylan finally gives Emma to her mommy when she starts whimpering in hunger. Adin feeds her with a heated blush on his face in embarrassment but Joseph and Dylan don’t make him feel any less of what he is, they respect him and aren’t bothered by the whole breastfeeding thing even if it is a bit weird.

And after holding Emma and taking care of Cailean, Dylan thinks he might have baby fever. Joseph isn’t doing any better as he stares longingly at the baby.

“Think you might adopt?” Xander asks jokingly.

“Only after getting married,” Dylan agrees completely serious.

Joseph stares at his lover gobsmacked. He didn’t expect that. Clearly no one did as they stare at the man in utter surprise.

“Really?” Joseph asks breathlessly.

“Only if you’ll have me,” Dylan smiles nervously.

“I want a proper proposal first,” Joseph grins as he hugs Dylan tightly.

Not a moment later, and a knock falls on the door.

“Father,” Dylan acknowledges as the man steps inside.

Xander stands protectively in front of his small family. He’s angry. He wants to blame everything on the embittered man, but he knows it’s not right. Adin explained that he had been feeling off the entire morning but refused to acknowledge the possibility of labor. Maybe the stress made it worse, but there was no denying their daughter wanted to come to the world earlier than expected. Adin’s look of disapproval shot his way is enough to stop his angry thoughts.

“Mr. Darrow,” Adin smiles pleasantly.

“Mr. Fionn, or should I say Mr. Darrow-Fionn, I see all is well,” he responds.

“Gave us a scare when she was born,” Adin recounts, “but she’s as healthy as any premie can be.”

“I’m glad to hear,” he nods and both Dylan and Xander stare in shock as a hint of an amused smile twitches at their father’s lips.

“Would you like to hold her?”

Xander’s first instinct is no. His father doesn’t deserve the right to touch his daughter, except… he does. His quick action was what potentially saved their baby girl.

“And who do I have the pleasure of meeting?” Steven asks as he holds the baby.

Her eyes are bright as she stares at her granddaddy. She has her tiny fist in her mouth and his tiny legs kick as she squirms to get more comfortable.

“Emma Harper,” Adin answers proudly.

“Emma Harper,” he repeats, a small sad smile on his face, “a pretty name for a pretty lady.”

Xander’s heart aches at the image and for the first time since she died, he wishes his mom were there.

Just before leaving, Steven hands baby Emma to her daddy.

“I’m proud of you,” he says as he pats his son on the shoulder, then faces Dylan, “Both of you. You’ve grown up into fine young men.”

His only regret was that he couldn’t watch them grow up like he wanted. It was his mistake and he’s glad, for once, that they stood up against him lest they be bitter old men like him.

He leaves just like that without another word aside from a small smile and a wink towards Adin. Adin’s smile is the only reassurance that everything will be alright and perhaps he can get his sons back.

---

On his way down the hall he gets stopped by a woman with an air of elegance. Her hair dark and curled and her steps filled with purpose.

“I’m looking for room 218, Mr. Darrow-Fionn,” she says with a small charming smile lighting her face.

“And who might you be?” Steven asks.

“Charlotte,” she answers pleasantly, her hand outstretched.

He takes it like a true gentleman, “pleasure to meet you Charlotte. I’m Steven Darrow, Mr. Fionn’s in-law.”

“The pleasure is mine Mr. Darrow.”

He shows her the way to the room down the hall and as he turns the corner on his way back to the elevator, he can’t help but hear the laughter of people, of family. He wonders who she was but the curiosity is overridden by the overwhelming lightness in his chest. Not everything is perfect but he couldn’t ask for more.

Xander watches as his father turns the corner with that smile he used to give his mother. There’s no hate or hurt inside of him anymore. Although not everything is fixed, it’s close enough. He has his own family. He has friends and hopefully, he’ll have his father back. The man he used to look up to when he was just five.

He heads back inside the room where he finds Charlotte telling his husband how everyone had bets on the baby’s sex and how she won $250. She also hits Adin’s hand for not inviting her to the wedding.

Xander snickers behind his hand only to be yelled at by the madame.

He apologizes sheepishly since ultimately it was his choice to not invite anyone for fear of rejection. Madame Charlotte shakes her head but all is forgotten when she holds Emma. Maybe he’s forgiven.

He leans down and kisses Adin’s plump lips. His heart flutters and his cheeks ache from smiling so much. Nothing can compare to this moment, to have his daughter alive and healthy and his husband safe in his arms.

He could get used to this.

The End