The Blue Book: At Your Service

The blue book was an open secret. Everybody knows it exists but nobody talks about it. Inside the book were pictures of beautiful, young women from different universities and colleges. They were the student prostitutes. Being beautiful and young made them more special and desirable. They had higher status and charge more than the regular escorts.

After days of battling with myself, I gave in and decided that this was the right way to find a woman. I never thought I would even consider doing this, pay for sex. I didn’t need to. I could get laid for free if I wanted to. The problem was the girls I’d hooked up with always try to put their hooks in me. I was so sick and tired of them expecting more than what I could give them. Hindi pa ako handa sa seryosong relasyon at iyon ang hindi nila maintindihan. I was a 20 year old man with a very active libido. I needed sex. Nothing more, nothing less. Just plain, urgent body pounding against body sex where nobody gets attached. Sex with someone that doesn’t expect anything in return. Except money because that was all I could afford to give.

I was in an empty classroom with a guy holding the blue book. Their pimp, I guess. Dito namin napag-usapan na magkita pagkatapos ng third period. Tumakas lang ako sa mga barkada ko dahil ayokong malaman nila ang gagawin ko. They would just make fun of me. Inabot ng lalaki ang libro sa akin ang libro at kinuha ko yun. I opened the book and started flipping the pages, looking at pictures after pictures of pretty babes. Talagang magaganda ang mga babaeng nandun pero wala akong mapili sa kanila. None of them interested me enough. All generic beauties. I sighed and flipped through another page and then I came across a picture that caught my attention. The girl in the picture had a delicate face that looked like it was carved by angels. She looked pure and wholesome, unlike the others who looked superficial and worldly. Her eyes were big and brown and innocent with thick lashes. Her black hair was swept into a lazy low ponytail. Her sweet smile was infectious and there was just something about her…

Without a second thought, I picked her. She was perfect.

Nakaramdam ako ng awa at panghihinayang. What made her do this? How many clients had she slept with? I shook the questions out of my head. What do I care? Hindi ko na dapat pinakikialaman ang mga bagay na iyon. It shouldn’t matter as long as she’s clean. Of course, i was going to have her checked first before we do anything.

Sandali kaming nag-usap bago ako umalis. Sabi niya tatawagan niya na lang ako kapag nakausap niya na ang babae. As I was walking, I couldn’t get my mind off the girl in the picture. She was just so beautiful. I wanted to see her, I wanted to know if she was as beautiful as she was in the picture. I wanted to know how she would sound like. I wanted to know how her skin would feel against mine.

“Wayne!”

Lumingon ako sa tumawag ng pangalan ko. Si Axel ang tumawag sa akin at lumapit ang apat papunta sa kinatatayuan ko.

“Saan ka galing?” Tanong naman ni Seth. “Kanina ka pa namin hinahanap. Bigla ka na lang nawala.”

“Sa library.” I lied, not wanting them to know anything about it. A guy who pays for sex was automatically a loser.

“Ikaw? Pupunta sa library? Lokohin mo lelang mo.” S abi naman ni Tristan.

“Tara na! May klase pa tayo.” I said, changing the topic.

“Late na tayo ng five minutes.” Nick said, looking at his wrist watch. The four of them exchanged looks and I knew exactly where this was going.

“Then let’s just skip class.” Axel finally said what all of us wanted to hear.

And skip class we did.

Chapter One

Tanya’s POV

“Tanya!” N apakagat ako sa pang-ibabang labi ko ng marinig ang boses ni aling Moning at ang malalakas na katok niya sa pinto. Limang buwan na akong hindi nakakapagbayad ng upa dito sa apartment. Gipit na gipit kasi kami sa pera nitong mga nakaraang buwan. Hindi sapat ang sinusweldo ko sa pagtatrabaho sa isang fast food restaurant para sa lahat ng bayarin sa bahay, sa eskwelahan at isama pa ang gamot ni nanay. Halos kalahati kasi ng gastusin sa pagpapagamot niya napupunta pero wala akong pakialam kahit mapunta pa doon ang buong sweldo ko, ang mahalaga gumaling siya. 

Dahan-dahan akong lumapit sa pinto at binuksan iyon. Bumungad sa akin ang nakasimangot na mukha ni aling Moning. 

“Ano? Kailan niyo balak magbayad? Sapat na siguro ang limang buwan na panugit na ibinigay ko sa inyo.”  Nakataas ang kilay at nakapamewang na sabi niya.

“Aling Moning, pasensya na po talaga. Nagkasakit kasi si nanay, kinailangan namin yung pera para sa pagpapagamot sa kanya.”  Nahihiyang sabi ko.

“Naku naman, Tanya! Naiintindihan ko na may sakit ang nanay mo pero hindi ito charity. Dito kami kumukuha ng ikinabubuhay namin.” 

“May konti naman po akong perang naitabi pangbayad sa inyo.”  Sabi ko bago ako dumukot sa bulsa ko at kinuha ang wallet ko. Inabot ko sa kanya ang lahat ng natitirang perang meron ako. 

“Ito lang?”  Inis na sabi niya nang matapos bilangin iyon.  “Isang buwang renta niyo lang ito! Limang buwan na kayong hindi nagbabayad at ito lang ang ibibigay mo sa akin?”

“Huwag po kayong mag-alala, gagawa po ako ng paraan para mabayaran ko lahat ng utang namin. Bigyan niyo lang po sana kami ng konting panahon.”  Pakiusap ko. 

“Sige, dahil naaawa ako sa inyo bibigyan kita ng dalawang linggo. Kapag hindi ka pa rin nakapagbayad pasensyahan na lang tayo.”  Sabi niya. Tumango ako at nagpasalamat sa kanya bago siya umalis. Wala na akong nagawa kung hindi ang mapabuntong-hininga ng maisara ko ang pinto. Kailangan ko na talaga ng pera. Hindi na ako pwedeng umatras sa gagawin ko. Oo, imoral ang gagawin kong iyon pero ano pa bang gagawin ko sa moralidad  ko kung kumakalam na ang sikmura naming mag-ina at natutulog na kami sa kalye?

“Sino iyon?”  Tanong ni nanay nang lumabas ito galing sa kwarto niya.

“Si aling Moning po, nay.”  Sabi ko.

“Ano’ng sabi?” 

“Naniningil na naman ng renta pero nakapagbayad naman ako ng isang buwan.”  Sabi ko habang inilalabas ang mga gamot niya. Iilang tableta na lang ang natitira doon. Hindi na nga siguro ito aabot ng isang linggo. Saan na ako kukuha ng pera pangbili ng gamot? Ni isang daan piso nga wala ako ngayon, malayo pa ang araw ng sweldo ko. Nag-aalala na ako pero hindi ko iyon pinahalata sa kanya.  “Nay, inumin niyo na po itong gamot niyo.”

  “Tanya…”  Sandali niya akong tinitigan bago siyang nagsalita ulit.  “Alam kong nahihirapan ka na, anak. Pasensya ka na ha. Nagiging pabigat pa ako sa’yo.”

“Nay, ano ba… hindi ka pabigat sa akin. Huwag mong isipin iyon.”  Pinilit kong ngumiti. Hindi na talaga ako pwedeng umatras. Kailangan ko ng gawin iyon. Para kay nanay. Kahapon pa ako tinetext ng isa sa mga taga-hawak ng ‘blue book’ kung tawagin. Nalaman ko lang iyon sa isa sa mga kaibigan ko. Doon siya nakahanap ng sugar daddy na nagbabayad ngayon sa tuition fee niya at kailan lang binili pa siya nito ng bagong kotse. Dahil sa matinding pangangailangan sa pera kaya naisipan ko na rin magpalagay sa blue book na iyon. Hindi lang ito ang unang beses na nakatanggap ako ng text na may gustong mag-‘labas’ sa akin pero palagi akong tumatanggi dahil wala akong lakas ng loob. Ngayon, pikit mata kong gagawin ito. Kailangan na talaga namin ng pera. Kailangan na ng gamot ni nanay. Kailangan eh.  

“Sasha…”  Kumatok ako sa pinto ng kapit-bahay namin. Pagkaraan ng ilang katok ay pinagbuksan niya ako. Nagulat ako ng makita ko siya dahil may suot siyang face mask at hair curler sa buhok. Natawa lang siya sa reaksyon ko.

“O, Tanya, halika pasok ka.”  Aya niya at niluwagan ang bukas ng pinto. Sumunod ako sa kanya sa loob at pinaupo niya ako sa sofa niya, katabi ni Jomar o mas kilala bilang Jody, na abala sa pagmamanicure ng kuko niya.

“Napadalaw ka yata. Namiss mo ko?”  Natatawang tanong ni Sasha.

“Manghihiram lang sana ako ng damit sa’yo. May lakad kasi ako mamayang gabi. Kung okay lang sa’yo.”  Kahit nahihiya ako, nilakasan ko na ang loob ko. Wala naman kasi akong magagandang damit. Ang mga damit ko lang, mga maong na pantalon at simpleng t-shirt. Kailangan ko naman magmukhang presintable para mamaya. Bumalik na naman ang kaba ko ng maaalala ko iyon.

“Aba! May date ka?”  Sabi ni Jody.

“Hindi… job interview.”  Sagot ko. Hindi naman ako nagsinungaling. Trabaho lang naman talaga ang gagawin ko ngayong gabi.

“Alam mo Tanya, sayang ka eh, maganda ka sana. Pwede mong pagkakitaan yan.” Umiiling na sabi ni Sasha.  “Ayaw mo ba talagang sumama sa akin sa Japan? Mas malaki kikitain mo doon kesa sa kung anu-anong trabahong pinapasok mo dito.”

“Wala maiiwan dito kay nanay.”  Matagal na akong inaaya ni Sasha na magtrabaho sa Japan at ilang beses ko na pinag-isipan iyan pero hindi ko kayang iwan mag-isa dito si nanay. Kaming dalawa na nga lang, iiwan ko pa siya.

“Bahala ka.”  Kibit balikat na sabi ni Sasha. Pagkatapos namin mag-usap sandali pinahiram niya na ako ng damit niya. Isang peach tube dress na maikli at hapit sa katawan. 

Wayne’s POV

I had been sitting here for about 15 minutes waiting when I saw her walk through the restaurant’s front entrance. I was quickly taken away. Kahit sa malayuan, kitang-kita ang kagandahan niya. Huminto siya sa harap ng reception desk at sandali siyang nakipag-usap sa babae na nakatayo doon.

I watched as she followed behind the receptionist, timidly walking with her head hung low. I didn’t understand why she had to hide her beautiful face. She didn’t have that air of arrogance that usually accompanied good looks. Huminto ang receptionist sa harap ng mesa kung saan ako nakaupo. She lifted her head and our eyes met. I was wrong about what I said about her being beautiful. She was more than that. I had never felt a strong immediate attraction before.

“Hi.”  I said, getting on my feet.

“Hi.”  She said in a soft voice.

I pulled a chair for her and she murmured a thank you before I sat back across from her. Hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili kong pagmasdan siya. Maganda na siya sa picture na nakita ko sa blue book pero hindi ko akalain na ganito siya kaganda sa personal. I couldn’t help but admire her beauty. There was just something enchanting about her. Maybe because she wasn’t cookie-cutter beautiful. She looked untainted, as chaste as an angel. And in the candle light, she looked almost ethereal.

I cleared my throat before speaking.  “My name’s Wayne and you’re Tanya, right?”

She nodded her head.

“Is Tanya your real name?”  She could be using a ‘screen’ name.

She answered again with a nod.

“Hindi ka ba magsasalita?” 

“Wala naman akong maisip na sasabihin.”  She said. Bago pa ako makapagsalita ulit, dumating ang waiter para kunin ang order namin. Even the waiter couldn’t help but stare at her beautiful face. Nang makaalis ang waiter binalik ko ulit ang atensyon ko sa kanya.

“You have to be honest with me about everything, Tanya. I don’t want your service for just a night. Matagal tayong magsasama.”  Sabi ko.

“Anong ibig mong sabihin?”  Kunot ang noong tanong niya.

“I want a long-term deal.”  I answered.  “Two months is probably the time limit. At sa loob ng dalawang buwan na iyon, ayokong tumanggap ka ng ibang kliyente. I’d pay you double what you normally charge. Are you okay with that, Tanya?” 

She paused as if she was thinking.

“Kung hindi okay sa’yo, walang problema sa akin. Pwede naman akong humanap ng ibang papayag sa set-up na gusto ko. Let’s not waste time and just call it a night.”  I said in a casual tone. The truth is, it wasn’t okay with me. I wanted her. Only her. I didn’t want to find another woman. I was hoping she’d agree to what I want.

“P-pumapayag na ako.”  She said, biting her lower lip.

“Are you sure?”  Tanong ko.

“Oo.”  She nodded her head.

“Okay, then.”  I tried so hard not to smile. Damn! I felt like I won the lottery.  “Have you had any sex within the last week?”

She lowered her eyes to her plate, I could tell that Tanya got uncomfortable with my question.  “No.”  She forced out from her lips.

“How old are you?” 

“Eighteen.” 

Thank god she wasn’t a minor. If she were, I’d leave right away without hesitation. 

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

“Wala akong boyfriend.”

“Good, because I don’t want you to have sex with anyone sa loob ng dalawang buwang iyon. Nagkakaintindihan ba tayo?”

“Oo.”

“Now, I want you to do something for me.”  I said as I looked right into her eyes.  “Take off your underwear and give it to me.”  She was wearing a dress kaya hindi siya mahihirapan gawin iyon. Nobody would see. Bukod sa nasa sulok ang pwesto namin, madilim pa. No one else was around and no one was really paying any attention to us.

“A-ano?”  Her face suddenly paled.

“You heard me.”  I wanted someone who would do whatever I ask. Someone with no inhibition. I was going to pay for her service so I expect my money’s worth.

“Ngayon na? Dito?”  She looked around with anxious on her face.

“Yes.”

She shook her head.  “Hindi ko kayang gawin iyon.”

“Okay.”  I shrugged my shoulders.  “I think we’re done here. Goodnight, Tanya.” 

Kumuha ako ng pera mula sa bulsa ko at inilapag iyon sa mesa. Then I stood up and just as I was about to walk, she grabbed me by the wrist. 

“W-wayne…”  She looked up at me. There was this insane look of desperation in her eyes that I could almost feel it.  “Gagawin ko na.”

Bumalik ako sa kinauupuan ko at tinitigan siya. I waited for her to do something. She looked around one last time, checking to see if anyone was looking at us. I watched as she reached up underneath her dress and slid her underwear down her long, smooth legs. Suddenly the temperature in the room seemed to heat up a few degrees. She handed her white panties to me and I put it in my pocket.

Bumalik ang mga mata ko sa mukha niya. She looked like she was about to cry, Tanya quickly looked away when she was me looking at her.

“We’re not going to have sex tonight. Kailangan mo muna magpatingin sa doktor. I’ll set you up your appointments.”  I said.  “And I want you on a birth control shot, understood?”

She nodded her head, avoiding eye contact. Even though we didn’t have sex, I paid her. She was quiet the whole time. Halos wala siyang kibo hanggang sa maghiwalay na kami. She gave me her number and I gave mine to her before she left.

Sinundot ako ng kunsensya ko ng makaalis na siya. She was a human being for fuck’s sake. Not just a beautiful piece of meat I could use for my pleasure. I shook my conscience away, I didn’t want to dwell on it. I just wanted her so badly.

Chapter Two

Tanya’s POV

“Nay…”  Napayakap na lang ako kay nanay ng makarating ako sa bahay. Sa kanya lang ako kumukuha ng lakas. Gusto kong umiyak pero pinigilan ko ang mga luha ko. Ayokong pag-alalahanin siya. Pakiramdam ko ang baba ko pagkatapos ng ipinagawa ni Wayne sa akin kanina sa restaurant. Hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala na nagawa ko iyon. Para na akong nahubaran ng dignidad. Ngayon pa lang gusto ko ng umatras, hindi pa nga niya ako nahahawakan hindi ko na masikmura ang pinagawa niya sa akin. Kakayanin ko ba itong pinasok ko?

“Anak, ano bang nangyari sa’yo?”  May bahid ng pag-aalala sa boses niya.

Humiwalay ako sa pagkakayakap sa kanya at pilit na ngumiti. Para kay nanay kakayanin ko. Kailangan kong kayanin. Pikit-mata kong gagawin ito alang-alang sa kanya. 

“Wala po.”  Sagot ko.

“Bakit ginabi ka naman yata ng uwi ngayon?” 

“B-birthday po kasi ng kaklase ko. Sumama ako sa kanila.” Hindi ako sanay na magsinungaling sa kanya kaya hindi ako makatingin ng diretso sa mga mata niya habang sinasabi ko iyon.

“Mabuti naman at 

lumalabas-labas ka din kasama ang mga kaibigan mo.“  Ngumiti siya at hinawi ang ilang hibla ng buhok sa mukha ko. “Kumain ka na ba?” 

“Tapos na po.”  Sagot ko.

Nagpaalam na ako at dumiretso sa kwarto. Mahina kong pinakawalan ang luhang kanina ko pang pinipigil. Kahit kailan hindi ko naranasan ang ganong klaseng pangbabastos pero wala akong magagawa. Kailangan kong sundin ang kahit anong gusto niya dahil kailangan ko ng pera niya. Kailangan kong tanggapin na ngayon ay isa na akong bayarang babae. Na hindi na lang sa akin ang katawan kong ito. Simulan ng pumayag ako sa kasunduan at tanggapin ko ang perang ibinayad niya sa akin I became his. My body was already his to play with. 

Hindi na rin dapat ako umasa na rerespetuhin at igagalang niya ako. Isa lang akong puta para sa kanya at ang mga babaeng katulad ko hindi nirerespeto. Isang laruan lang na pwede niyang pasunurin at gawin ang kahit anong gusto niya. I was just a playtoy to him. Pilit kong tinanggal sa isip ko ang mga bagay na iyon. Ayoko munang isipin iyon. At least, ngayon meron na akong naiuwing pera. Bukas na bukas bibili ako ng gamot ni nanay at ang matira ipangbabayad namin sa kulang sa renta ng apartment para kahit paano mabawasan man lang. Sa totoo lang, nagulat ako sa halaga na ibinigay niya sa akin. Mas malaking halaga pa iyon kaysa sa isang buwang sweldo ko sa pagiging fastfood crew. Ilang beses lang ako magpagamit sa kanya makakabayad na ako sa mga utang namin at makakabayad na rin ako ng tuition lalo na ngayo’t malapit na ang exam. Hindi ko pa magawang masabi kay nanay pero nawala na ako sa scholarship ngayong semester. Hindi ko na maintain ang grades ko gawa na rin siguro sa mga problema namin.  Alam ko naman na hindi ako pahihintuin ni nanay sa pag-aaral kapag sinabi ko sa kanya iyon. Pipilitin niya pa rin makapag-aral ako at baka pumasok na naman siya sa pagkakatulong kahit na may sakit na siya. Matigas din ang ulo nun, kanino pa ba ako magmamana. 

Pagkatapos kong magpalit ng pantulog, humiga ako sa kama at ipinikit ang mga mata ko. Muling bumalik sa isip ko si Wayne. Hindi ko magawang kalimutan ang mga mata niya at kung paano siya tumitig sa akin kanina. Sa tuwing tititigan niya ako sa mata para akong matutunaw sa kinauupuan ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit kailangan niya pang kumuha ng bayarang babae. Sa itsura niyang yun kayang-kaya niya kumuha ng babae ng hindi kailangan magbayad at nakita ko rin kung paano siya tignan ng mga babae sa restaurant. Pati nga ang receptionist na naghatid sa akin sa kanya hindi parang tingin ng tingin sa kanya. Kung nagkita lang kami sa ibang paraan malamang isa rin ako sa mga babaeng iyon.

Axel’s POV

I couldn’t stop thinking about Tanya since we met last night. I couldn’t push her out of my mind even if I tried. I wanted to have her under me, under my control, moaning and crying out my name in painful pleasure. Her panties helped me while I was fantasizing about her last night but it made me want her even more. Damn! I needed the real thing so bad. I felt like a drug addict without his fix.

“Dude, it’s your turn.”  Sabi ni Nick sa akin. I snapped out of my thought and looked at him. He was handing me the cue. Nasa hangout namin kami ngayon pagkatapos ng huling klase namin. The four of them were playing billiards while I sat alone on the table.

“Kayo na lang. I’m not in the mood to play.”  Sabi ko.

“Is something bothering you?”  Tanong ni Axel sa akin habang tumitira.  “Kanina ka pa walang imik.” 

I shrugged my shoulders.  “Nothing. I’m just not in the mood to play.”

I could never tell them about Tanya. I didn’t want them to think that I was so desperate for a lay that I resorted to prostitutes. It made me want to cringe when I think of Tanya as a prostitute. She doesn’t look like one. She looked so innocent it was hard to believe. She was like a shy virgin last night and man, if she was just acting she did a really good damn job at it. 

Biglang tumunog ang phone ko at sinagot ko iyon. It was a call from a clinic I contacted earlier. I scheduled an appointment for Tanya at tinawag nila ako para sa appointment niya ngayon. We had to get this done as soon as possible. I have to have her. Tinawagan ko agad si Tanya pagkatapos kong makausap ang babae sa clinic.

“Hello, Tanya?”

“W-wayne!”  She sounded surprised.

“Can we meet?”  I asked.

“Kailan?”

“Now.” 

“H-ha? Nasa school kasi ako.” 

“Where are you?”  I said, impatiently.

Sinabi niya sa akin kung saan siya eskwelahan niya.

“I’ll be there in a few, okay?”  I said. Bago pa siya nakasagot ay ibinaba ko na ang phone. Tumayo ako mula sa table at nagpaalam sa apat.

“Guys, I need to go.”  Nagmamadaling sabi ko.

“Saan ka pupunta?”  Tanong ni Tristan.

“He’s going to bang a chick. Told you he’s  just sexually frustrated.”  Seth chuckled. Hindi ko na pinansin ang mga ito at umalis na ako. I got in my car and drove to Tanya’s school. Hininto ko ang kotse ko sa harap ng eskwelahan niya. It was a nice, decent university. Seeing where she go to school made her more human to me, more of a real person with a real personality and life. I could easily imagine her sitting in one of the classrooms inside it. She was somebody’s daughter, sister, aunt and niece. 

I took a deep breath and tried to push the thought away. I shouldn’t care for the parallel. She came to me willingly. Walang nagpilit sa kanya na lumapit sa akin at pasukin itong trabaho na ito. Why should I care about that?

Tatawagan ko na dapat siya para sabihing nandito na ako ng makita ko siyang naglalakad… kasama ang isang lalaki. She looked around anxiously and took the book the guy was carrying. Napahigpit ang hawak ko sa steering wheel. Who the fuck was that guy?

 Agad akong bumaba sa kotse at lumapit sa kanila. Tanya’s face instantly paled when she saw me.

“Hey.”  I said in a monotone.

She swallowed and turned to the guy standing next to her.  “Sige, Luis, nandito na ang… ang kaibigan ko. Salamat ah.”

The guy looked at me. Nagsukatan kami ng tingin bago niya ibinalik ang atensyon kay Tanya.  “Sige, Tanya. Kita na lang tayo bukas.”

Umalis na ang lalaki at tahimik kong tinitigan si Tanya. She was wearing a school uniform and I had never seen someone so sexy in it. I had never had a schoolgirl fantasy, not until now. How I’d want to bang her in that uniform.

Nahihiyang nagbaba siya ng tingin ng mapansin niyang nakatinin ako sa kanya. I turned and headed back to my car. Sumunod naman siya sa akin. She sat on the passener’s side while I went to the driver’s seat.

“What did I tell you about seeing other guys?”  I said in a dark voice as we sat in the car.

“Kaibigan ko lang siya. Tinulungan niya lang akong buhatin ang ibang mga libro ko.”  Paliwanag niya.

“Iyan din ang sinabi mo sa kanya. That I was just your friend.”  Naningkit ang mga matang tinignan ko siya.

“Ano’ng gusto mong sabihin ko? Na… na isa akong bayarang babae at binabayaran mo ako para sa serbisyo ko.”  She said, hardly making eye contact with me.

Well, it did make sense. I relaxed, leaned back to my seat and started the car. 

Katahimikan.

“We’re going to the doctor.”  I said, breaking the silence.  “Kailangan mong magpa-test at magpa-shot.”

I took a quick look at her and she silently nodded her head. Wala siyang imik hanggang sa makarating kami sa clinic. Hinintay ko siya sa receiving area habang tinitignan siya ng doktor. Matapos ang mahigit isang oras at makaraan ang ilang test ay pinayagan na ako ng doktor na makapasok para makausap ko siya. 

She explained to me all the test they did to Tanya. She had her blood work done and a well woman examination. All we had to do was wait for the result which would take less than forty eight hours. I would have to wait two more days before I get to shag her. Two days is a long time!

“Now, we just have to give her the Depo Provera shot and then we’re done.”  Sabi ng doktor.

Tanya looked at me with those innocent eyes of hers. She looked so uncomfortable like there was nothing she wanted more than to get out of here. 

The nurse came to give her the shot. I took Tanya’s hand and held it to try to comfort her. 

“First time niyo po, ma’am?”  Nakangiting tanong ng nurse.

She just nodded her head. The nurse gave her a shot and explained to us that it would take about a day for it to take effect. 

“Gagawin na ba natin?”  She asked as she was sitting on the passenger’s seat, fiddling with her fingers on her lap.

“I’ll give you time to rest.”  Sagot ko sa kanya. Besides we need to wait for the test results. Better safe than sorry. Nagpilit akong ihatid siya sa kanila pero hindi siya pumayag. I understood that she wanted to keep her personal life private. Pinakiusapan niya akong ibaba ko siya sa sakayan ng jeep. She got out of my car and all I could do was watch her. Damn hell! I’m going to be needing her panties again tonight.

Chapter Three

Tanya’s POV

“Sino yung lalaking sumunod sayo kahapon?”  Bungad na tanong sa akin ni Luis pagkaupo ko pa lang sa desk ko sa tabi niya. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kanya. Hangga’t maaari ayoko munang isipin si Wayne at ang sitwasyon ko. I tried distracting myself from thinking about it. At lalong ayokong pag-usapan iyon. Ayokong hayaang maapektuhan nun ang personal na buhay ko. Trabaho lang ang gagawin kong iyon at kapag nakaluwag-luwag na kami iiwan ko na ang trabahong iyon at ibabaon sa limot. Ipinangako ko sa sarili ko na pagtapos nun hinding-hindi ko na ulit iyon gagawin. Ngayon lang…

“Sinabi ko na sa’yo kaibigan ko siya.”  Ibinuklat ko ang libro ko at kunwaring nagbasa. 

“Kailan ka pa nagkaron ng kaibigang may magandang kotse? Saan mo siya nakilala?”  Walang bakas na emosyon ang boses ni Luis.

“Porket ba mahirap ako hindi na ako pwedeng magkaron ng kaibigang may kotse?”  Pabirong sabi ko.

“Hindi yan ang ibig kong sabihin, Tanya!”  Seryoso ang mukhang sabi niya.

“Alam mo, huwag na nga nating pag-usapan yun.”  Bumuntong-hininga ako.

“Isang taon na akong nanliligaw sa’yo…”  Mahina pero may diin na sabi niya.

“Luis, una pa lang sinabi ko na sa’yo na walang patutunguhan yang panliligaw mo sa akin. Wala pa akong balak mag-boyfriend at isa pa parang kapatid na ang turing ko sa’yo. Mas maganda kung maging magkaibigan na lang tayo.”

“Ayaw mong magboyfriend pero sumasama ka agad sa lalaking may magarang kotse? Kailangan ko pa bang bumili ng kotse para lang sagutin mo na ako?”  Sarkastikong sabi nito bago umiling-iling.

“Mali ang iniisip mo. Nakilala ko lang si Wayne dahil sa kaibigan ko sa trabaho. Tinutulungan niya ako na… na makakuha ulit ng scholarship.”  Kinailangan kong magsinungaling para hindi na magsuspetsa pa si Luis at matapos na ang usapan na ito. 

“Yun lang ba talaga ang dahilan kung bakit sumama ka sa kanya?”  Tanong nito.

Pilit akong ngumiti at tumango. Nakilala ko si Luis noong freshman pa lang ako dahil naging magkaklase kami sa isang subject mula noon naging magkaibigan na kami. Nagulat na lang ako isang araw ng sabihin niya sa akin na gusto niya ako at gusto niyang ligawan ako. Hindi ako pumayag dahil wala naman akong nararamdaman para sa kanya at isa pa marami akong mas dapat iprioritize kaysa sa pagboboyfriend pero sabi niya handa siyang hintayin ako. Hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin siya tumitigil sa panliligaw niya kahit ilang beses ko na siyang sinasabihan na wala naman mangyayari sa panliligaw niya.

Wayne’s POV

It was Seth’s birthday today and the guys were already talking about how they would celebrate it later. If it was any other day I would be as excited as them. I mean, who wouldn’t? Free unlimited booze and hot chicks… our own version of heaven. But right now, I just don’t feel it. I wanted to fuck. And I knew not any girl would do. I just wanted Tanya. It was like craving for a food you’ve never had but you’d know at once, if you could just taste it you’d finally be satisfied.

We were hanging out at Nick’s apartment.  

“I’m not going…”  Sabi ni Tristan.

“What do you mean you’re not going? Everybody’s going to my party, you can’t not go! It would be the best party you’ll ever have in your whole entire sorry life.”  Sabi naman ni Seth.

“I need to make a living. Malapit na ang exam, kailangan ng kumayod.”  He grinned sheepishly. We all knew what he does for a living. He was a male escort. Kami lang magbabarkada ang nakakaalam ng sikreto niya and we don’t give a fuck what he does for a living, we ourselves were no saints. Sinusubukan pa nga namin siyang tulungan pero siya mismo ang ayaw tumanggap ng tulong. He said he didn’t want any ‘donations’ from us ‘rich kids’. Ayaw niya raw maramdaman na parang nanlilimos pa rin siya hanggang ngayon so we just let him be.

“Dude, kung kailangan mo ng pera pwede ka naman umutang sa akin.”  Sabi ni Axel.

“What the hell would I pay you? My dick?”  Natatawang sagot ni Tristan. 

“You can go shove it up your ass…”  Axel said with a laugh. “Just pay me whenever you can.”

“Nah. Kaya ko naman kumita ng sarili kong pera. Besides, I love my job. I’m shagging MILFs here. Every young guy’s fantasy and I get paid for it. This is the life.”  Tristan chuckled. Bigla kong naisip ulit si Tanya. Had she done it would old men? More experienced men? Did she enjoyed it too? Had she ever come with those men she had slept with? Damn it! Thinking of that ruined my mood.

“Have you ever done it with a guy?”  Nick curiously asked.

“No, Nick, I will not do it with you.”  Tristan said with a straight face. Natawa kaming lahat including Nick.

“Ulol!”  Naiiling na sabi ni Nick.

“Seriously, no. I’ve never done it with a guy. Never had and never will. It’s just not my thing.”  Sagot niya. Sandali pa kaming nagkuwentuhan bago ako nagpaalam sa kanila. I told them I’d just meet them at the club. 

Habang nagda-drive ako may ideyang pumasok sa isip ko. Why don’t I just bring Tanya with me to the party?

I paused.

Why couldn’t I stop thinking of her? My libido wanted her that much… At nasaan na ba napunta ang utak ko? Why would I bring a prostitute with me at my friend’s party? Stupid idiot.

I didn’t know where my brain went when I reached for the phone and called her. 

“Nasaan ka?”  Tanong ko pagsagot niya ng phone.

“Papunta pa lang sa trabaho. Bakit?”  She asked in her usual lovely voice. I could fucking get off of just hearing her voice.

“Trabaho?” Tumaas ang boses ko. What the hell? Was she still whoring herself to other men?

“Oo, trabaho. Nagtatrabaho ako sa fast food restaurant.”  She said, probably sensing what I was thinking. I felt relieved when I heard her say that. Bukod pala sa trabaho niyang ito may ‘normal’ na trabaho pala siya. 

“Not tonight, Tanya. Tonight you need to work for me.”  I said.

She stayed quiet for a couple of seconds.

“Tanya?”

“Hindi ako pwede ngayon. Hindi pa ako nakakapagpaalam sa boss ko.”

“You can’t say no. I need someone who’s always available for me. Mamili ka yang trabaho mo o ang trabaho mo sakin?”  I said. With the money I give her everytime we see each other, she wouldn’t need to work at a fastfood restaurant that pays her minimum wage anymore.

“Okay, magkita tayo.”  She said with resignation in her voice. We decided to meet at a coffee shop. Pagpasok ko pa lang sa coffee shop siya na ang nakita ko. She was sitting on one of the stool next to the window, looking outside. Napakaamo talaga ng mukha niya. I wouldn’t believe she was a prostitute if I didn’t know. She was wearing a simple red tee, a pair of washed out jeans and old sneakers. Pero kahit ganon pa man ang ayos niya hindi yun nakabawas sa kagandahan niya. She was still a head turner even in that outfit. 

“Hey.” 

She woke up from her trance and looked at me. Pilit siyang ngumiti pero halatang naiilang siya. She looked really nervous.

“Kumain ka na ba? Do you want to have coffee first?” 

Umiling siya. I let out a sigh. It was so hard to get a word out of her, she always seemed to have a wall built around herself. And for some reason, I wanted to get inside of that wall. Everything about her seemed to rattle my core. Yes, she was beautiful but so were many other women. I figured it had to be the mystery surrounding her.

“Okay then, let’s go.”  Aya ko sa kanya. Sumunod siya sa akin pabalik ng kotse at nagpunta kami sa isang high-end shopping center. She looked surprised when I brought her there.

“Ano’ng ginagawa natin dito?”  Tanong niya habang naglalakad kami papasok sa isang botique.

“Bibili tayo ng damit na susuotin mo mamaya. You can’t go to the party looking like that.”  Tinignan ko siya mula ulo hanggang paa. She already looked beautiful in casual clothing paano pa kaya kung bihisan siya. 

“Party?”  Kumunot ang noo niya.

“We’re going to my friend’s party.”  I said.

Tahimik lang siyang tumanga at pumasok na kami sa boutique. We started looking around for clothes but she didn’t seemed interested or pleased. 

“Hindi mo ba gusto ang mga damit dito?”  Tanong ko sa kanya. 

“Hindi naman sa ganu n pero ang mamahal ng mga damit dito.”  Sabi niya.

  

“Don’t worry about it. Ako ang magbabayad ng kahit anong piliin mo.” 

“Pero, Wayne…” 

“I said don’t worry about it. Ako ang masusunod dito. Kung gusto kitang ibili ng damit ibibili kita at hindi ka pwedeng tumanggi. You can’t say no to me, Tanya, do you understand?”  I asked.

She just nodded her head docilely. Nagsimula siyang tumingin ng mga damit at agad naman siyang nakapili. She chose a simple off-white dress that flattered her body and made her look like an angel… a very sexy angel. I couldn’t keep my eyes off her when I saw her walked out of the fitting room in that white dress. I could picture myself touching those curves and a few other things I would like to do to her. I shook the unwanted thoughts away not wanting to get an unwanted hard on.

We bought the dress and a pair of shoes to pair the dress with. 

“Wayne…”  Her voice was a little shaky. We were back in the car and I was about to start it when he called my name. She shifted her body towards me.

Tumingin ako sa kanya. 

“H-hindi mo naman ako ipahihiram sa mga kaibigan mo, hindi ba? I won’t get passed around, right?”  She anxiously asked.

“What?”  My brows furrowed. 

“Narinig ko kasi… may kakilala akong-” 

“Walang ibang lalaking makakahawak sa’yo as long as you’re working for me.” I said in a firm voice. I didn’t even want to think about her being touched by other men. 

She eased back to her seat, not speaking another word.

The rooftop lounge where Seth’s party was were already packed when we got there. The lounge was lit with dim blue lights. From here, you could see the spectacular view of the whole city shining from the lights in the dark. 

It didn’t take long for us to find the boys. They were sitting at the lounge with a bunch of different booze on the table. 

“Ba’t ngayon ka lang?”  Tanong ni Seth. Before I could answer, they noticed Tanya who was awkwardly standing beside me.  “And who’s that pretty lady you’re with,”

“This is Tanya, my friend.”  My voice was even.

“Well, that explains it.”  Nick said.  “Hi, Tanya. I’m Nick.”

She shyly smiled at Nick.

“And I’m Seth.”  Pagpapakilala ni Seth.

“Axel here.”  He lifted a glass of jagerbomb and downed it. I guided her to a vacant seat and sat next to her.

“Bakit ngayon ka lang namin nakita? How long have you two known each other?”  Tanong ni Axel kay Tanya.

“Kakikilala lang namin three days ago.”  Sagot ni Tanya.

“Three days ago and he already introduced you to us.”  Nick grinned sheepishly.

“She must be really good.”  Seth smiled meaningfully. I threw them all a glare and cleared my throat. They’re my friends but sometimes they’re just so annoying that I want to wring their fucking necks.

“Hey, baby, want a drink?”  Tanong ni Axel.

“She has a name and it’s not baby.”  I said, annoyed.

“Fine, Tanya.”  Axel rolled his eyes.

“No, thanks.”  Tanggi ni Tanya. I accepted a glass of jagerbomb that Axel offered instead. We had our usual conversation but that was quickly cut out when Margaux, my psycho ex-girlfriend came up to us. She was a horrible woman, that bitch. She had tried to trick me in to staying with her and told me she was pregnant when I broke up with her. I knew there was no way I could possibly get her pregnant because I had been very careful. Ang experience din iyon ang nagtulak sa akin na maghire na lang ng prostitute. Less drama, less hassle. Just pure sex with a woman I could turn on and off whenever I wanted. 

“Waaaayne!”  She screeched before sitting on my lap.

“Margaux, what are you doing?”  I tried to push her off my lap. I glared at Seth, why the fuck did he invite this psycho?

“I didn’t know she’s here.”  He mouthed.

I looked at Tanya sitting beside me. Nag-iwas naman ng tingin si Tanya at ipinihit ang ulo sa kabilang direksyon.

“What do you want?”  Tanong ko kay Margaux.

“Let’s talk, baby…”  She said, her words were a bit slurred. She was already drunk.  “Siya ba ang babaeng ipinalit mo sa akin!”  Margaux pointed at Tanya.  Siya ba ha? Nakita ko siyang kasama mo kanina!“

“Margaux, stop it!”  Mariing sabi ko.

“Hoy ikaw babae ka! Mang-aagaw ka ng boyfriend!”  Humarap siya kay Tanya at dinuro-duro ito. She reached out to her and before she could touch Tanya I got in between them. I would never let her touch even a single strand of Tanya’s hair.

“I’m not your boyfriend.”  Inis na sabi ko.  “Umalis ka na dito. You’re fucking drunk.”

“Aalis lang ako kung sasama ka sa akin. Come on, baby, let’s talk this over.”  She begged.

I closed my eyes and took a deep sigh. Gusto ko lang siyang mailayo dito para hindi niya na guluhin si Tanya kaya pumayag akong sumama sa kanya. I gave Tanya a quick glance before leaving with Margaux. I took her back to her group of friends and she was stumbling everywhere.

“Please, Wayne… I want you back.”  Margaux cried as she was hanging on my neck.

Pilit kong tinanggal ang mga kamay niyang nakapulupot sa akin.  “Stop it, Margaux. You’re making a scene!”

“Wayne, I love you.”

“Margaux, we’re not going to get back together kahit anong gawin mo.”  I said losing my patience with her. Tinulungan ako ng isang kaibigan niya na ilayo sa akin ang lasing na babae at nakakuha ako ng pagkakataon makaalis. Damn that bitch!

Tanya was gone when I went back to our lounge and so were the three guys. Damn it! Where could that girl possibly go? I looked around trying to find her. Nakita ko si Nick na may kasayaw na babae at si Seth naman ay abala sa pakikipag-usap sa iba pa niyang guests. And then I saw Tanya sitting on the barrier at the side of the rooftop, talking to Axel.

She was smiling. I had never seen her smile before. She looked happy and laid back with him, the complete opposite when she was with me. I unconciously clenched my fists as annoyance shot through me. I hated that another guy was making her smile. I hated seeing her getting cozy with Axel but not with me.

I walked towards them. Tanya’s smile instantly faded when she saw me. She looked down, refusing to meet my gaze.

“So, what are you two talking about?”  I asked, trying to keep my voice calm and composed.

“Nothing important.”  Axel shrugged.  “How did it go with Margaux?”

“Told her were not going to get back together.”  I answered in a bored tone. Ibinalik ko ang tingin kay Tanya.  “We have to go, Tanya. Come on.”

I was so pissed right now and no longer in the mood to party.

“Already? The party barely started.”  Sabi ni Axel.

“Kailangan ko na siyang iuwi sa kanila.”  Dahilan ko.

Axel grinned knowingly.  “Oh, right…” 

Agad na tumayo si Tanya at lumapit sa akin. I gave her a cold glare before turning my back to her. Tahmik akong naglakad palabas ng party at alam kong nakasunod lang sa akin si Tanya. Pareho kaming walang-imik pabalik sa parking lot sa baba kung nasaan ang kotse.

She was mine. I was fucking paying her. Ako ang nagbabayad sa kanya at hindi si Axel. But she seemed to be enjoying his company more. I got in the car and she opened the door to the passenger’s seat and got in. We sat there, not one word.

“Give me head.”  I demanded, after a few minutes of silence. It was time I get my money’s worth. 

Tanya’s brow shot up, her face confused. “Huh?”

“Unbutton my pants and suck me off.”  I said in a cold voice. I watched the emotions flickered across Tanya’s expression. She was reluctant to do it but she did anyway.

Her hands slowly went to the button of my pants and it took her a couple of attempts before she had managed to undo it. Heat instantly radiated all over my body. She paused after that, like she didn’t know what to do. Who was she fooling? She was goddamn prostitute, probably sucked hundreds of men before. I grew impatient. I was rock hard and in need of relief.

“What are you waiting for? Take it out.”  My comanded. Naramdaman kong pumasok ang kamay niya sa boxers ko. My head fell back to my seat when I felt her warm hand around my shaft, slowly taking it out. 

“Hold it tight. Yeah, like that.”  I said deciding to take matters into my hands and instructed her.  “Now, take it in your mouth.”

Her sweet lips parted and her hands tightened around me. I felt her warm mouth covering the tip and my breath quickened.

“God yes, open up and take me inside your mouth.”  I groaned, cupping her head and slowly lowering it further down as I pushed my hips forward, creating more friction.  “Move your hand with your head. Yeah, that’s right…” 

I guided her head, bobbing it up and down on me. It was so good I knew I couldn’t control myself and hold back. How I had fantasized about her pleasuring me like this just last night. I’d be done after just a few moments. The heat was already building up inside me, ready to explode. Any time soon…

“Oh yes, that’s so good, baby. I’m going to come.”  I moaned as I reached the peak. I thrusted my hips forward one last time before I took her head in my hands and pulled her away. My seed came out splattering all over her face.

I looked down at Tanya. Her innocent, angelic face covered with my spunk. 

Tanya’s POV

Huwag kang iiyak, Tanya. Huwag kang iiyak…  Yan ang paulit-ulit na sinasabi ko sa sarili ko kanina pa. Inabutan ako ni Wayne ng tissue at agad kong pinunasan ang sarili ko. Parang sasabog na ang dibdib ko sa pagpigil ng luha ko pero wala akong makitang kahit anong emosyon sa mukha ni Wayne. I was just a playtoy to him. Pakiramdam ko ang baba baba ko at ang dumi-dumi kong babae. I was officially a prostitute. 

I never even had my first kiss yet and now I just pleasured a man with my mouth. Ito ang pinasok kong trabaho kaya dapat hindi na ako magulat. Hindi ako dapat maawa sa sarili ko. Hindi naman kami mapapakain nun. The best I could do is to just get through this. Matatapos din ito at pagnatapos ito, hinding-hindi na ako lilingon dito.

Pinaandar na ni Wayne ang kotse niya at tahimik lang akong nakatanaw sa labas ng bintana. 

“Ihinto mo na lang d’yan.”  Sabi ko ng madaanan namin ang pinakaunang sakayan. Gusto ko ng makaalis at makalayo sa kanya.

“Are you sure?”  Tanong niya sa akin at tumango ako bilang sagot. Inihinto niya ang kotse sa gilid ng kalsada. Inabutan niya ako ng pera bago ako bumaba. Ang perang ito ang halaga ng pagkatao ko at ng respeto ko sa sarili na sapilitan kong nilunok. Kusang bumuhos ang mga luha ko ng tumalikod ako sa kanya. I felt like a worthless trash.

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Bellalona Salamat sa cover na ginawa mo sa media section. Really appreciate it :)

Chapter Four

Tanya’s POV

“Huy, friendship!”  Napakurap ako ng kalabitin ako ni Edna sa balikat. Napalingon ako sa kanya. 

“Kanina ka pa nakatulala d’yan.”  Sabi niya.  “May problema na naman ba? Yung landlady niyo na naman? Gamot ng nanay mo? O pinoproblema mo na naman yung nalalapit na exam dahil hindi ka makakakuha ng permit kasi wala kang pera? Nung nagbigay yata ng problema ikaw ang una sa linya. Lahat na yata ng problema nasalo mo.”

Sana ganun kadali ko nasasabi sa kanya ang problema ko katulad ng dati dahil pakiramdam ko sasabog na ang dibdib ko. Para akong nalulunod sa bigat ng dinadala ko. Hindi ako makatulog o makakain mula ng gabing iyon. Mula ng ipagawa sa akin ni Wayne ang bagay na iyon. Sana ganun kadali kong nasasabi sa kanya na nandidiri ako sa sarili ko sa ginawa ko, na ibinenta ko na ang sarili ko kapalit ng pera. Isa na akong puta. Ilang libong piso lang ang halaga ng pagkatao ko.

 Pinitik niya ang daliri niya sa harap ng mukha ko. “Naririnig mo ba ako?”

Pinilit kong ngumiti at umiling. “Wala akong problema. Nakakaantok lang magturo itong prof natin.”

“Hay, sinabi mo pa.”  Umikot ang mga mata ni Edna. “Nagtatampo sa’yo si papa Luis. Sabi niya sa akin may sumundo daw sayong lalaking de kotse. Bakit hindi mo naman sinasabi sa akin na may jowa ka na pala.”

“Sira! Hindi ko yun jowa. Sinabi ko naman kay Luis na tinutulungan lang ako nung  tao na makakuha ng scholarship.”

“Gwapo ba?”  Sumalong baba si Edna at mas lalong lumapad ang ngiti niya.

Pumasok na naman sa isip ko ang mukha ni Wayne. Ang mukhang hindi mawala-wala kahit sa panaginip ko. At ang mga titig niya sa akin na para bang tumatagos sa kaluluwa ko.

Oo. Gwapo si Wayne. Hindi pa nga sapat ang salitang ‘gwapo’ para ilarawan siya. Hindi ko alam kung bakit kailangan niya pa ako, alam kong maraming babae ang kaya niyang pasunurin sa lahat ng gusto niya ng hindi niya kinakailangan magbayad.

“Uy, in love ka na, no?” Pabiro niyang hinampas ang braso ko. “Si Tanya in love na, kaya pala natutulala ka na lang d’yan… paano na si Luis niyan?”

“Hindi ako in love.” Mariin at walang kangiti-ngiting sabi ko. Paano ako maiinlove sa isang lalaking parausan lang ang tingin sa akin? Pampawala lang ng init ng katawan. Alam kong para kay Wayne isa lang akong laruan na pwede niyang gawin kung ano ang gusto niya. Na kapag sinabi niya hubarin ko ang panty ko, gagawin ko. Kapag sinabi niyang buksan ko ang butones ng pantalon niya, susunod ako. Kapag sinabi niyang ibaba ko ang ulo ko sa… biglang nag-init ang magkabilang sulok ng mata ko ng bumalik sa isip ko ang nangyari ng gabing iyon. Hindi ako in love kay Wayne at kahit kailan hindi mangyayari iyon.

Halatang nabigla si Edna sa bigla kong pagseryoso. Bago pa siya nakapagsalita ulit tumunog na ang bell. Agad kong sinara ang libro ko at nagmamadaling lumabas sa classroom. Ni hindi ko siya pinansin ng tawagin niya ako. Ayoko ng umiyak dahil doon. Ilang beses ko ba kailangan isaksak sa utak ko sa trabahong pinasok ko kailangan tibayan ko na ang emosyon ko? Na kailangan handa na ako sa kahit anong mangyari? Walang mangyayari kung puro emosyon at awa sa sarili ang paiiralin ko. Hindi mababayaran nun ang mga bayarin sa bahay, ang gamot ni nanay o ang tuition fee ko.

Wayne’s POV

Tanya was clean. She wasn’t positive for any disease. Iyon ang nakasulat sa result niya na kinuha ko kanina sa clinic. After days of waiting and jacking off to the thought of her I could finally shag without worrying if I would catch a disease. Those days felt longer than it really was for me.

I could already imagine Tanya under me, on  top me, wherever, whenever. I just wanted her. Fuck that, I needed her. I had never needed a woman so much as much as I needed her. I thought what happened in my car a few nights ago would somehow tame this craving but it didn’t. It just made me want her more. I couldn’t forget how her warm mouth felt around me. Bumalik sa isip ko ang nangyaring iyon. Her face covered with my come. It looked so sexy…

Pero pakiramdam ko parang may nagawa akong mali pagkatapos nun. Maybe it was because she looked innocent. Too innocent. She didn’t look hardened enough for this type of job. Her feautures were so delicate na pakiramdam mo kailangan mo siyang ingatan sa tuwing hahawakan mo siya.  I even felt like I would taint her just by touching her.

I just… I didn’t want to put her on a pedestal. She was still a whore after all no matter how innocent looking she was. My whore.

“Lil Wayne…” Inakbayan ako ni Seth. Agad kong tiniklop ang papel para hindi niya makita.

“What’s that?” Kunot ang noong tanong niya.

“Nothing…” I said, s haking his arm off my shoulder.

  “Patingin nga…”  He tried to take it from me. Mabilis kong nailayo sa kanya iyon.

“It’s nothing!” Inis na sabi ko.

Nagkibit-balikat na lang si Seth.

“Uuwi na muna ako.” Sabi ko sa kanila. Napatingin sa akin sina Nick na abala sa pagbibilyar.

“Hindi ka sasama mag-clubbing mamaya?” Tristan asked.

“Nah, I think I’ll pass.” I answered.

“What’s happening to  you, dude? Palagi ka na lang MIA.”  Sabi naman ni Nick.

“I’m just not in the mood.” I said.

“Say hi to Tanya for me.” Axel said with a teasing grin. I frowned and shook my head before turning away. Narinig ko pa ang malakas na tawa niya bago ako lumabas.

I immediately called Tanya as soon as I got in my car. After a few rings she picked it up.

“H-hello?” I heard her voice on the other line.

“Nasaan ka ngayon?” Tanong ko.

“Nasa school pero pauwi na ako.” Sagot niya.

“Stay there. I’ll pick you up.” Sabi ko. Hindi ko na siya hinintay na sumagot at ibinaba ko na ang phone. I quickly drove off to Tanya’s school. My heart was racing with excitement when I parked my car in front of her school. This is the day I would finally have her.

Kakaparada ko pa lang ng kotse biglang bumukas ang pinto ng passenger’s seat at nagmamadaling pumasok si Tanya.

“H-halika na…” She said with an urgent tone while looking around.

My brow lifted. “Why the hurry?”

Tanya looked at me before looking down on her lap. Na para bang nakakapaso ang mga tingin ko. I hated when she does that. Why couldn’t she fucking look me in the eye.  “Baka kasi may makakita sa’yo… ayoko naman maghinala ang mga kaibigan ko.”

Hindi na ako kumibo. I felt sorry for her, actually. I knew she didn’t want this kind of life. Sino bang babae ang pinangarap na pasukin ang ganitong uri ng trabaho? And she was just eighteen, for fuck’s sake. I’d been living a privileged life since the day I was born. I never knew what it was like to struggle for a living nor do I ever have to worry about it.

I couldn’t deny that I was curious about her. Gusto kong makilala ang totoong siya. Gusto kong malaman kung bakit kinailangan niyang pasukin ang ganitong trabaho. I just didn’t know how I could get her to talk…

“Kumain muna tayo.” I said as I pulled over in front of a restaurant.Bumaba ako sa kotse at mabilis naman siyang sumunod sa akin. 

We were given a table and a menu. I gazed at her as she looked at the menu, taking her in. I watced as if in slow motion as she turned the pages of the menu, studying her lovely face and her long black hair. Nag-angat siya ng tingin at nagulat ng makita akong nakatingin sa kanya. She quickly tensed.

“You’re not scared of me, are you?” Hindi ko napigilan ang sarili kong tanungin siya.

Matagal siyang hindi kumibo. Then her eyes dropped to her plate before shaking her head. She was lying.

I just sighed and let it go. I hated how she couldn’t be comfortable around me.

“Bakit ganitong trabaho ang naisip mong pasukin?” I asked her.

“K-kasi kailangan ko ng pera.” She answered.

“What for?” 

“Para mabuhay. Hindi naman bumabagsak na lang sa langit ang mga pagkain na kinakain ko o mga pang-araw araw na pangangailangan namin.” Sagot niya.

“But why this job? Marami namang trabaho diyan.”  

“Hindi ganung kadali humanap ng trabaho.” Sagot niya.

“Wala ka bang mga magulang?”

“May sakit ang nanay ko.”

“At ang tatay mo?”

She just shook her head and that ended our conversation. She gave me those looks, letting me know that she wasn’t ready to let me in yet and I understood that. The waiter took our orders and we quietly ate.

I wonder what if I’d met her at a different time, a different place? Noong hindi pa siya ang babaeng nasa blue book. I wondered how it would be like… I wished I had met her before she became one of those girls in the blue book.

Tahimik kaming bumalik sa kotse pagkatapos kumain. I took her to my condo.Hindi ako nagdadala ng mga babae dito pero hindi ko alam kung anong pumasok sa isip ko at dinala ko siya dito. I’d moved out of the family home since my 20th birthday. It was a gift from my dad. The unit wasn’t huge, it was just enough space for a single guy like me.

I opened the door with my key card and stepped in. Nasa likod ko si Tanya at nakasunod sa akin.

Pumasok kami sa kwarto ko at binitawan ko ang kamay niya. Umupo siya sa gilid ng kama, as if she drained of all energy. I looked at her and she was restlessly fidgeting with her hands.

“Tanya…” Tawag ko sa kanya. Dahan-dahan siyang tumingin sa akin. “Do you want to take a shower with me ?”

She shook her head. I watched the emotions that flickered across her delicate. Fear, anxiety, apprehension. She was afraid. “M-mauna ka na muna.”

I nodded my head and went to the bathroom. Binuksan ko ang shower and I stepped under it. Tanya was making me feel confused. She was a prostitute but she was acting like a virgin on the first night. She should’ve been a lot more comfortable with this by now. Who the hell cares about that? Who the hell cares about her past experiences? Tonight she would be mine. I would make her mine and mine only.

I wrapped the towel around my waist after a quick shower. Lumabas ako ng bathroom at nakitang nakaupo pa rin si Tanya sa kama kung saan ko siya iniwan kanina. I slowly sat next to her at mabilis siyang napatayo.

“Um, magshoshower lang ako.” Mahinang sabi niya.

I gave out an annoyed huff. “Make it quick.”

Tumango siya at pinanood ko siyang pumasok sa banyo at isinara ang pinto. Kasunod nun ay naring ko ang pagragasa ng tubig mula sa shower. I could see her in my mind as she undresses herself, I could imagine every curve of her body revealing itself. Just a few more minutes and I would see the body I’d been fantasizing about for days. And not just see… I would get to touch her, kiss her, and own her completely. God, she was making me crazy.

I could feel my erection growing under this towel around my waist. I would ravage her tiny, delicate body that she wouldn’t want any other man but me after that. After what seemed like eternity, the bathroom door opened.

Lumabas si Tanya na may nakabalot na puting tuwalya sa katawan. She slowly walked towards me and stopped in front of me. Nakayuko ang ulo niya at nakatingin siya sa sahig. It took her a few seconds to move her hands to the towel and unwrapped herself, the towel falling to the ground. I watched in awe as her naked body stood in front of me. It was more than what I had imagined it would be like. My already hard shaft grew even stiffer. Huminto ang mata ko sa dibdib niya. Her perky nipples stood proud on her chest. My eyes traveled down to her flat stomach and her hips and down to the small triangle of curls masking her sweet pussy.

I heard a sob at kasunod nun ay ang pagbagsak ng maliit na butil ng luha sa sahig. I looked back up to her face and saw it was covered with tears. My lust and excitement died down. Damn!I felt the need to take her in to my arms. And I did. I stood up and hugged her. I didn’t know what she was crying about but I just wanted to be there for her.

“Sorry… sorry talaga, Wayne.” She murmured, her face buried on my bare chest.

“Shh, It’s alright…” I said as I stroked her hair.

I didn’t know how we ended up in bed. Namalayan ko na lang iyon ng nakahiga na kami sa kama at nakapulupot ang mga bisig ko sa kanya. I was spooning her naked body while she cried, my arms around her waist. I gave her gentle kisses on her hair.

My need to fuck her disappeared. All of a sudden just her warm body against me was enough. No, I didn’t want to fuck her anymore. She needed someone and I guess that someone would have to be me. I could almost feel her emotions, the weight of the world on her, the heavy burdens she had to carry. I could feel it all just by holding her. It was like our spirit connected.

I realized how many times she needed someone and how many times that I was not there. As I held her isa lang ang nasa isip ko.

I want to be the safe place you will come to, Tanya…

Chapter Five

Wayne’s POV

I took a deep breath and exhaled. She was still in my arms and I was stroking her hair. Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal na kami sa ganitong posisyon at wala akong pakialam. We were just quietly lying in bed, savoring the feeling of each other’s body against us. I wondered how it was possible to be this captivated by a person. How just having her next to me was enough, how it was just enough to be. Even the silence that filled the air was enough to let myself believe that she was worth knowing, she was worth losing yourself in to and dear Lord, how I did.

“Wayne…” She called my name in a small, shaky voice. Sinubukan niyang kumawala sa mga bisig ko pero lalo kong hinigpitan ang yakap ko. I wanted her like this, in my arms. And  I didn’t want to let her go, not just yet. Her warmth was so pleasant,pressed against me. Her sweet scent filling my nose. My hands on her soft, delicate body. Every inch of her body was mine, completely mine tonight. I could do anything I wanted with it but I was contented with having her in my arms. It filled me with some kind of serenity.

“You’re safe with me. I promise. I’m not going to do anything you wouldn’t be okay with.” I whispered in her ear. I wouldn’t treat her like other men had… like a sexual object.  I wanted every bit of her but in the most innocent way possible. I wanted her smile, her laugh, her secrets, her good and bad, to be mine.

Her body relaxed back against me. “Salamat, Wayne.”

After a few moment, her breathing changed, it became slower and deeper. She had already fallen asleep, probably exhausted from all the crying. I didn’t know when or how she became important to me, but she was and I couldn’t explain it.

Wala akong alam tungkol sa kanya kung hindi ang pangalan niya pero bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya? The more I got to be with her and the more I got to know her, the more I was drawn to her. It was just her youthful beauty, the wholesome purity on her face. Maybe it was just that. Maybe I was feeling this way towards her because she just looked too pure to have lust  thoughts about. She was like a puzzle, a game that had me hooked already.

I sighed, giving her one last kiss on her hair before closing my eyes. It didn’t take long for me to drift to sleep.

Tanya’s POV

Inunat ko ang mga braso ko at katawan ko ng maramdaman ko ang malamig na hangin na dumapo sa balat ko. Agad kong binuksan ang mga mata ko at nagulat ako ng makitang nasa ibang kwarto ako. Pinigil ko ang tili ko ng magbaba ang tingin ko sa katawan at makitang wala akong kahit anong damit na suot. Napaupo ako, pinulupot ko sa katawan ko ang kumot na nakatakip sa akin. Bumalik sa isip ko ang nangyari kagabi. Hinanap ng mga mata ko si Wayne ngunit wala na siya sa kwarto. Sinubukan ko din hanapin ang mga damit ko pero hindi ko mahagilap ko nasan iyon. Napansin ko ang damit na maayos na nakapatong sa bedside table. Isang gray na t-shirt at itim na sweatpants. Sinuot ko ang mga iyon kahit na maluwag sa akin ang damit, buti na lang at may tali ang sweatpants kaya pwede kong higpitan. Pagkatapos kong magbihis naglakad na ako papunta sa pinto para lumabas. Biglang bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko. Tahimik kong pinagdadasal na sana nakaalis na si Wayne, sana hindi kami magkita ngayon. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mukhang ihaharap ko. Nakita niya ang buong katawan ko at natulog pa kaming magkatabi…

“Morning…” Halos mapalundag ako ng marinig ko ang boses niya pagkasara ko ng pinto sa kwarto. Dahan-dahan akong humarap at nakita siyang nakaupo sa sofa. Nakasuot siya ng pang-ibabang pajama pero wala siyang pang-itaas. Bahagyang tumaas ang magkabilang sulak ng mga labi niya. “How was your sleep?”

“Okay naman.” Sagot ko sa kanya bago ako muling nagbaba ng tingin. Tumayo siya sa kinauupuan niya. Lumapit siya sa akin at huminto sa harap ko. Inipit niya ang baba ko sa pagitan ng dalawang daliri niya at inangat ang mukha ko dahilan para mapilitan akong tumingin sa kanya.

“Why do you keep looking down and not at me?” Tanong niya.

Hindi ako kumportableng makipagtitigan sa kanya. Para akong malulusaw at bumibilis ang tibok ng puso ko sa tuwing titignan ko siya. He made me feel comfortable and nervous at the same time.

“Sorry…” Hingi ko ng tawad.

“Ayokong magbaba ka ng tingin sa tuwing nag-uusap tayo.”

I slowly nodded my head.

“Mukha ba kong nakakatakot?”

Umiling ako.

“Yun naman pala.”

 “S-sorry nga pala sa nangyari kagabi.” I bit my lower lip.

“You don’t need to apologize for that.” Ngumiti siya sa akin at parang may kung anong kumiliti sa tiyan ko. “Kumain na tayo?”

“T-teka, kailangan ko ng umuwi. Baka  hinahanap na ako sa amin at saka may klase pa ako.” Nag-panic ako ng maalala ko ang nanay. Sigurado akong nag-aalala na yun at hindi siguro siya nakatulog kagabi kahihintay sa akin. Hindi ako nagpaalam sa kanya dahil hindi ko naman alam na aabutin ako ng umaga dito. Ang akala ko gagawin lang naming ‘yun’ at hahayaan niya na akong umuwi. Kabaliktaran ang nangyari sa akala ko.

Hindi pa ako pwedeng mag-absent sa klase dahil kailangan kong makakuha ng mataas na grades ngayon. Gusto ko ulit kumuha ng scholarship para mabawasan naman kahit paano ang mga kailangan kong bayaran. Para makaluwag-luwag naman ng konti.

“Tumawag ka sa inyo. Gamitin mo yung phone ko.” Sabi niya.

“Uuwi na lang ako.”

Umiling siya. “Nuh-uh. This is my time, remember?”

Hindi nga pala ako pwedeng tumanggi. Binabayaran niya lang ako. Nanliliit na naman ako sa sarili ko pero pinalis ko agad yun sa isip ko.

Dahan-dahan akong tumango. Siguro pwede naman akong tumawag kay nanay sa phone ng kapit-bahay namin para naman hindi siya mag-alala. “Pwede bang gamitin yung phone mo?”

“Go ahead.” Sabi niya at itinuro sa akin ang phone na nakapatong sa side table sa tabi ng sofa. Kinuha ko yun at dinial ang number ng kapit-bahay namin. Nakakahiya man abalahin sila pero wala naman kaming phone sa bahay at kailangan malaman ni nanay na walang nangyaring masama sa akin. Ayaw na ayaw ko pa naman na nag-aalala siya.

Sumagot ko ang kapit-bahay namin at hinanap ko sa nanay. Tinawag niya naman si nanay at pagkaraan ng ilang sandali narinig ko ang boses niya. “Tanya, anak. Saan ka ba nagpupuntang bata ka? Kagabi pa ako alalang-alala sa’yo.”

“Sorry po, nay. Ginabi po kasi kami sa bahay ng kaklase ko kaya natulog na lang ako sa kanila.” Ayaw kong magsinungaling kay nanay pero ito ang makakabuti.

“Tinakot mo talaga ako. Akala ko kung napano ka na.” Bakas pa rin ang pag-aalala sa boses niya.

“Nay, huwag na po kayong mag-alala sa akin. Okay naman po ako.” Sabi ko. Nagpaalam na ako sa kanya pagkatapos naming mag-usap. Humarap ako kay Wayne na tahimik na nakatingin sa akin. Pinilit kong ngumiti sa kanya. Gusto kong iwasan ang mga titig niya but I held his gaze.

“Halika na, kumain na tayo.” Sabi niya. Sumunod ako sa kanya papuntang kusina. May kinuha siya mula sa ref na dalawang kwadranong bagay na nakabalot sa loob ng karton.

“Ano yan?” Tanong ko.

“Frozen meals. Anong gusto mo mac and cheese o pasta?”

“Gusto mong magluto ako?” Hindi naman kasi ako kumakain ng mga yun at iba pa rin ang lutong bahay.

He looked at me surprised and he smiled. “Sige, kung gusto mo.”

Binuksan ko ang ref niya para maghanap ng maluluto. May nakita akong mga itlog at tocino. Niluto ko yun at ginawang scrambled egg ang itlog. Ang natirang kanin naman sa rice cooker niya ginawa kong sinangag. Nilagyan ko siya sa plato niya ng mga yun pagkatapos maluto at inilapag sa mesa sa sa harap niya. Umupo ako sa tabi niya at kumain na rin. Lihim kong pinanood ko siya habang kumakain siya at natuwa ako ng makita kong sarap na sarap siya.

“Ang tagal ko ng hindi nakakatikim ng totoong pagkain.” Sabi niya. “Ang sarap.”

Habang abala siya sa pagkain, kumuha ako ng isang pitsel ng tubig sa ref. I poured the water on the glass at bumalik ako sa mesa. Inilapag ko iyon sa harap niya. Nagulat ako ng bigla niyang hawakan ang kamay ko habang hawak ko pa ang baso. Naramdaman ko ang init ng palad niya, pakiramdam ko parang may ilang boltahe ng kuryenteng dumapo mula sa kamay ko papunta sa buong katawan ko. He looked up at me with a smile on his eyes. “Don’t spoil me too much, Tanya. Baka masanay ako nito.”

“S-sorry…” Dahan-dahan kong binawi ang kamay ko mula sa pagkakahawak niya. Hindi ko na kasi makaya ang sensasyong nararamdaman ko sa hawak niya.

He chuckled and slowly shook his head. “Stop apologizing so much.”

 Nagpatuloy kami sa tahimik na pagkain. Sa loob-loob ko, hindi ko maiwasan ang mapangiti habang pinagmamasdan ko siya. Sarap na sarap talaga siya sa niluto ko.

“May klase pa ako. Kailangan ko ng umuwi.” Sabi ko kay Wayne pagkatapos naming kumain. “Ah Wayne, yung uniform ko…” Isa lang kasi ang uniform ko kaya pinagkakaingat-ingatan ko yun.

“Ano’ng oras ba ang klase mo?” Tanong ko.

“Ten thirty.” Sagot ko.

“Nine forty-five na. Kung uuwi ka pa, malalate ka na n’yan. Ako na ang maghahatid sa’yo.”

“Hindi na kailangan-“

“Tanya, hindi ba ako ang masusunod?” Seryosong sabi niya.

Wala na akong nagawa kung hindi ang tumango.

“At yung uniform mo pala pinalabhan ko na sa house keeper kanina. Take a shower, baka malate ka na.” Sabi niya.

I did what he told me to do. Nag-shower ako sa bathroom niya. Habang nagshoshower ako hindi ko maiwasan isipin ang nangyari kagabi. Takot na takot ako kagabi. Hindi ko na napigil na umiyak sa harap niya. Akala ko magagalit siya sa akin, akala ko pipilitin niya ako pero hindi… He respected me. Niyakap niya ako at nakatulog akong yakap-yakap niya pa rin ako. Sobrang bigat ng dibdib ko ng kagabi pero habang hawak niya ko kagabi at umiiyak ako sa kanya it was like the weight had been lifted. Siguro kailangan ko lang talagang iiyak lahat yun. I’d tried to be strong because I had to. Ako lang ang inaasahan ni nanay at ako lang ang masasandalan niya pero sumabog na lahat ng nararamdaman ko kagabi. I was glad it was with him… He had helped me just by being there for me.

I got out of the shower and dried myself. Bigla kong naalalang wala akong toothbrush. Sumilip ako sa labas ng pinto ng banyo at nakita ko si Wayne na prenteng nakaupo sa kama.

“Wayne…” Nahihiyang tinawag ko siya.

Napatingin siya sa kain. “Yeah?”

“May extra ka bang toothbrush?” Tanong ko sa kanya. Hindi naman ako pwedeng pumasok sa school ng hindi man lang nagtootooth brush.

“No, but you can use mine.” Sabi niya.

“H-ha?”

“Gamitin mo yung akin, yung nasa sink.”

“S-sige…” Sabi ko at isinira na ang pinto ng banyo. Lumapit ako sa sink at dinampot ang toothbrush na nandun. I was going to use the toothbrush he had used. Para ko na rin siyang… nahalikan nun. I had never had a first kiss before… I wondered it would be like… with Wayne. Umiling ako na para bang tinatanggal iyon sa isip ko. Hindi tama ito. Hindi tama ang mga naiisip ko. Binabayaran niya lang ako. Kahit kailan hindi ako pwedeng mainlove sa kanya. I was the lover he didn’t need to love.

Ginamit ko ang toothbrush niya. Ninamnam ko iyon, dahan-dahan. Pinipilit kong hanapin ang lasa niya. Napabuntong-hininga ako. Ano ba itong kagagahan ko? Nagmumog na ako at lumabas ng banyo.

“Ito na nag uniform mo.” Inabot niya sa akin iyon pagkalabas ko pa lang. “I’ll wait for you outside.”

Tumango ako. Nagbihis na ako at nag-ayos ng sarili. Pagkatapos ay lumabas ako at nakita ko si Wayne na naghihintay sa akin gaya ng sabi niya. Bumaba na kami sa parking lot at sumakay sa kotse. Pinaandar niya na ang kotse niya. Pagkaraan ng ilang minute nasa harap na kami ng eskwelahan.

“Papasok ka na rin?” Hindi ko napigilan ang sarili kong itanong.

“Yep.” Sagot niya. “Sige na. Baka malate ka pa.”

“Salamat, Wayne…” Ngumiti ako sa kanya.

“Yan, dapat palagi kang ngumingiti. Lalo kang gumaganda.” Sabi niya.

Naramdaman kong namula ang magkabilang pisngi ko pero hindi ko napigilan ang mapangiti lalo. “S-sige, bye na.” Tumalikod na ako sa kanya para itago ang pamumula ng pisngi ko at para buksan na rin ang pinto ng kotse niya.

“Tanya…” Tawag niya sa akin.

Napilitan akong lumingon ulit sa kanya. “B-bakit?”

Nagulat ako sa sunod niyang ginawa. Lumapit ang mukha niya sa akin at binigyan ako ng halik sa labi. Isang mabilis na halik lang pero para akong nawala sa sarili. Parang may isang libong paru-parong nagliparan sa loob ng tiyan ko. Parang huminto ang mundo ko ng ilang Segundo. That was my first kiss…

“Bye.” He smiled.

Napakurap ako at muling bumalik ang malay ko. “B-bye.”

“Oh, and Tanya.” Pahabol niya. “Ito nga pala ang bayad ko sa’yo.”

Inabot niya sa akin ang pera. At naalala ko na naman kung ano ang papel ko sa buhay niya. Maling magkaron ako ng nararamdaman para sa kanya. Binabayaran nila langa ko. Tinanggap ko iyon at nagmamadaling lumabas ng kotse.

Chapter Six

Wayne’s POV

Tanya, why won’t you leave my mind? I sighed as I layed down on my bed. All I could think about was her, her plump lips and how it tasted against mine. My mouth watered as I remembered how she smelled like lavander and something sweet I couldn’t figure out. She smelled like gentleness and comfort, yet she was the one comfort at that time. It soothed me to my bones. She had this uncertain heavenly warmth that radiated from every pores of her body. The softness of her demeanor. Her beauty was like of a perfectly still water or a cool morning air. She was refreshing to say the least.

I reached for my phone on the bedside table and I found myself dialing her number. I’d be happy just to hear her voice again.

“Hello?” I heard her sweet, soft voice after a few rings.

“Tanya.”

“Wayne.” She sounded surprised.

“How was your day?” Tanong ko.

“Uh… okay naman. Ikaw?”

“It was good.” I answered. Though it would be great if it was spent with you. I glanced at the clock to see that it was already eleven o’clock. “Natutulog ka na ba? Naistorbo ba kita?”

“Hindi naman. Kauuwi ko lang galing sa trabaho. Closing kasi ako ngayon.” Sabi niya.

“What are you doing now?” I asked.

“Katatapos ko lang kumain.” Sagot niya. “Nagdinner ka na ba?”

“Yeah. Ikaw nga ang naisip ko habang kumakain ako dito mag-isa. I was wishing you were here to cook dinner for me.” I let out a sigh.

“Hayaan mo minsan ipagluluto kita ng ulam. Pwede ilagay mo na lang sa fridge at initin mo kung gusto mo nang kainin.” She said.

“You would do that for me?”

“Oo naman.”

“Ano’ng oras ang pasok mo bukas?”

“Seven ng umaga.”

“Ano’ng oras ang tapos ng klase mo?”

“Six ng gabi.”

“Maaga ka pa bukas. You should go to sleep.” I said. “Good night, Tanya.”

“Good night, Wayne.” Sagot niya.

I still didn’t want to hang up the phone and she didn’t hang up either. There were no words needed to be said. Neither one of us spoke because it was almost as if an understood communication had been made. It was a comfortable silence like the silence where you just both can think together. Just to hear her soft breathing and just to know she was still there was enough for me.

“Good night.” Ulit ko pagkalipas ng ilang minuto.

“Good night.” She answered back again.

“Good night.” I chuckled.

“Good night.” I could hear the smile in her voice.

I shook my head, laughing silently. I was just waiting for her to hang up the phone so I could hang up but she kept answering my good nights. Baka hindi kami matapos kaka-good night nito. “Just hang up the phone.”

“Ah, okay. Sorry.” Parang natarantang sabi niya. “Good night, Wayne…”

“Tanya!” I burst into laughter.

“Sorry ulit.” She softly said before hanging up the phone. I shook my head as I looked at my phone with a smile on my face. What the hell was happening to me? What was all that about? She had bewitched me in a way no woman had before. I had never felt such an attraction in my whole life.

Tanya’s POV

Wala sa sariling niyakap ko ang phone ko nang ibaba ko iyon. Hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin mawala-wala ang ngiti ko. Hindi ako makapaniwalang tinawagan ako ni Wayne para kamustahin at mag good night lang. Ang bilis pa rin ng tibok ng puso ko.

May isang banda sa isip ko na sumisigaw na mali ito. Hindi ko dapat maramdaman ito para kay Wayne. Wala akong karapatan. I was just his paid companion. Ako lang din ang masasaktan sa huli kung magkukunwari akong hindi ako isang bayarang babae lang para sa kanya at normal ang relasyon na meron kami. I shouldn’t feel anything for him. This was just a job. Hindi dapat ako ma-attach sa kanya.

Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga ng maramdaman kong bumigat ang dibdib ko. Bakit pa kasi niya ako tinatrato ng ganito? Bakit niya ako hinalikan kanina? Bakit tinawagan niya pa ako? Naguguluhan ako sa mga ginagawa niya. Mas mabuti pa nga kung tratuhin niya ako ng gaya sa pagtrato niya sa akin noong una. Kahit paano alam ko kung saan ang lugar ko. Na binabayaran niya lang ako para gawin ang kahit anong gusto niyang ipagawa sa akin.

Ngayon sa mga ginagawa niya natatakot akong baka makalimot ako. Baka mahulog ang loob ko sa kanya. Kahit na ayaw kong mangyari iyon at kahit pilit kong isinisiksik sa utak ko na hindi pwede, hindi ko pa rin siya matanggal sa isip ko. Hindi ko pa rin makalimutan hanggang ngayon ang pakiramdam ng mga labi niya at ang lasa nito. Kapag ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko at pilitin ang sarili kong matulog siya ang nakikita ko. Parang nararamdaman ko pa rin ang yakap niya sa akin kagabi.

You’re safe with me. I promise. Parang naririnig ko pa rin ang boses niya na ibinubulong sa akin iyon. He made me feel safe. He made me feel loved. He made me feel special. Kung patuloy niyang gagawin iyon alam kong mahihirapan akong pigilan ang sarili ko na mahulog ang loob ko sa kanya. I should use my brain and not my emotions. Kailangan kong parating tandaan na ako lang ang inaasahan ni nanay. Masyado na akong maraming problema para problemahin pa ang nararamdaman ko para kay Wayne. Isa lang ang sigurado at dapat kong tandaan… binabayaran niya lang ako.

Hindi naman permanente ito. Hindi siya magtatagal sa buhay ko. Aalis din siya kapag nagsawa na siya.

 

Wayne’s POV

I stopped my car in front of her school and waited for her. It was already six in the evening.  I was just about to call her to tell her I was already outside of her school when I saw her walking out of the building. She was with a girl and a guy. It was the same guy I saw her with the first time I picked her up. I got out of my car and walked over to where she was.

“Hi, Tanya.” I said in a monotone.

“Wayne!” She looked at me surprised but she quickly blinked away her surprise. “Um, ito nga pala ang kaibigan kong si Edna, at si Luis, hindi ba nagkakilala na kayo noon?”

I quietly nodded at her friend Edna and looked at Luis. That fucker was looking at me like he wanted to kill me. My lips lifted in a sneer as my hand reached for Tanya’s tiny waist, wraping it around the back of it and pulling her to my side. Lalong tumalim ang titig sa akin ng lalaking iyon. It doesn’t take a genius to see that he likes Tanya.

“Let’s go?” I asked with a smile as I turned my head to her.

“Hindi ba sabi mo sasama ka sa amin kumain sa labas?” Luis said, unsmiling.

“Sorry, I didn’t know you already have plans for tonight.” I said, trying to control my annoyance. I saw her biting her bottom lip with an anxious look on her face. I was subtly making her choose between them and me and she got the hint.

“Sorry, Luis, Edna, sa ibang araw na lang. May kailangan kasi kaming puntahan.” Sabi niya.

Edna nodded her head. “Okay lang. Gora na.” She said with a grin.

Lalong nagdilim ang mukha ng Luis na iyon at lalo naman lumaki ang ngiti ko. I saw him clench his jaw. Tanya was mine and I made sure he knew it.

“Halika na.” Aya sa akin ni Tanya. She was obviously uncomfortable having me around with her friends. She said good bye to her friends and we went over to my car.

“May gusto ba yung Luis na iyon sa’yo?” I asked while I was driving.

“Kaibigan ko lang siya.” Halos pabulong na sabi niya.

“May gusto ba siya sa’yo?” I repeated the question when I couldn’t get the answer I wanted from her.

 “N-nanligaw siya sa akin dati…”

“Nagpapaligaw ka?”

“H-hindi… Una pa lang siyang nanligaw sa akin sinabi ko na na hindi pwede. Kaibigan lang ang tingin ko sa kanya.” Her voice was shaking. “Huwag ka naman sanang magalit sa akin, Wayne.”

“Tanya…” I took a deep breath in and let out a long exhale. She was scared of me, I could tell. I couldn’t blame her. Sa ginawa ko sa kanya noon. I was a fucking monster to her. God, I felt an asshole. “Hindi ako galit sa’yo.”

She finally relaxed when I said that.  Dinala ko sa parking lot ng condo ang kotse ko at bumaba na kami. She started nervously fidgeting again as we walked to my condo unit. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and she turned her head and looked up at me. I gave her a smile that was supposed to be comforting but I must have done something wrong since she looked nervous anyway.

I used my card key to open my door and we went in.

“Hindi ba sabi mo ipagluluto mo ako ng dinner?” Nakangiting sabi ko sa kanya. “Gutom na ‘ko.”

 “Ano bang gusto mong kainin?” Tanong niya sa akin. She was less nervous this time.

“Kahit ano’ng lutuin mo, kakainin ko.” I answered.

“May manok ka ba?”

I nodded my head. “Meron sa freezer.”

“Gusto mo ba ng tinolang manok?”

“Sure.” I smiled.

I brought her to the kitchen and I sat on the island while I watched her cook. She was beautiful to the core. Everything she does was beautiful. There was just something unmistakingly fragile about the way she looks and the way she acts. I had seen her sobbing her heart out, shaking. But the way she carried herself was completely compelling. You could fall for her as easy as breathing. I was very drawn to her.

Lumapit ako sa kanya at hinapit siya sa baywang habang nakatalikod siya at abala sa pagluluto.

“Wayne!” She was startled.

“Luto na ba? Naamoy ko na kasi.” I whispered, my lips on the shell of her ear.

“M-malapit na.” She softly said. “Gusto mo bang tikman kung okay na sa’yo ang timpla?” Natatarantang sabi niya bago umikot paharap sa akin. Inilapit niya sa bibig ko ang sandok.   I took a sip and cussed loudly when I felt it burn my lips and tongue. Nabitawan ni Tanya ang hawak niyang sandok. “Wayne, sorry. Hindi ko sinasadya. Sorry talaga.” She apologized, touching my lips with her shaky hand.

Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya at ngumiti. “Geez, Tanya, you need to calm down.” I chuckled. “Hindi naman kita kakainin kapag nagkamali. Just calm down, okay?”

Dahan-dahan niyang binawi ang kamay niya sa akin at tumango. Tumalikod ulit siya at nagpatuloy sa pagluluto. After a few more minutes, the food was finally cooked. Hinain niya iyon sa mesa at sabay kaming kumain.

“Ang sarap nito, ah.” Sabi ko bago sumubo.

“Paborito yan ni nanay.” She said with an unguarded smile. I loved how her face lits up everytime she talks about her mother. Halatang mahal na mahal niya ang nanay niya. I wanted to see more of her in that light.

“Kaya pala ang sarap. Siguro madalas mo ‘tong niluluto para sa kanya.” I said.

She shook her head.   “Kapag ay natitirang pera lang pero bihira mangyari ‘yun. Madalas kasi kulang ang pera namin dahil marami kaming kailangan bayaran.”

I felt a tug on my heart, a wave of sadness hitting me. I felt sorry for her. Mas lalo kong naiintindihan ngayon kung bakit kailangan niyang pasukin ang ganitong trabaho. Nangangailangan talaga siya. I could never imagine wanting something to eat and not have the money to be able to buy it.

“Dalhan mo ang nanay mo nito.” Sabi ko.

“Huwag na, Wayne.” Nahihiyang sabi niya.

“Tanya, lahat ng sasabihin ko susundin mo.” I said in a calm voice. “Mag-uwi ka ng ulam para sa nanay mo. She needs to taste how good this is.”

She quietly nodded her head. Natapos na kaming kumain at niligpit niya ang pinagkainan namin. I told her to just leave the dishes on the sink dahil pupunta naman ang house keeper para linisin iyon bukas ng umaga. Pinalagyan ko rin siya ng tinola sa plastic container para iuwi niya sa nanay niya.

Inaya ko siyang manood ng movie sa sala pagkatapos namin kumain. I let her pick a movie on netflix and we both watched it. It was a girly chick flick movie, I didn’t even know how I was able to stand it. I yawned and let my head rest on her lap and she mindlessly stroked my hair with her fingers as her eyes were glued on the tv. I didn’t know how she could do it. She quiets my mind just with her presence and she cradles my angst just by her touch. She needed me but I needed her more. She was my quiet comforter. My calm in this insane world.

Chapter Seven

Wayne’s POV

I woke up with my head resting on a pillow and my body covered with a blanket. I sat up, still half asleep but aware of my surroundings. Stretching my arms, I looked around to find that I was alone.

“Tanya!” I called out her name but no one answered. Tanya wasn’t there anymore. She’d probably left while I was asleep.

I hadn’t even realized I had fallen asleep. I looked at the clock hanging on the wall to see that it was already nine o’clock. Tumayo ako mula sa couch. My brows furrowed when I saw a small stream of sunlight coming in through the slight parted thick curtain that was covering the floor to ceiling window. Fuck! It was already nine in the morning. I thought it was only nine in the evening.

I was about to get up when my phone buzzed. I reached for it on the side table next to the couch. It was from a girl I gave my number to at some club but I didn’t pay much attention to that. I scrolled through my unread messages and a smile crept on my lips when I saw her name.

Good morning, Wayne. Pasensya ka na hindi na ako nakapagpaalam sa’yo kagabi. Ayoko na gisingin ka dahil ang himbing na ng tulog mo.

I was never a big fan of texting so I decided to call her. After just a few rings she finally picked up the phone.

“Good morning, Tanya.” I said.

“Wayne! Good morning.” Her voice was a mixture of surprise and smile.

“Ano’ng oras ka umuwi kagabi?” I asked.

“Mag-aalas onse na.” She answered.

“Jesus, Tanya. Sobrang late na nun. Sana man lang ginising mo ako para naihatid kita sa sakayan.” I shook my head. Wala naman kasing dumadaan na jeep, taxi o kahit anong pampasaherong sasakyan dito. Everybody uses cars here. She’d have to walk a few blocks to get to the nearest bus stop. “You walked all the way to the bus stop?”

“Oo, hindi naman ganun kalayo.” Sagot niya.

“Madilim na sa labas ng ganong oras. Paano kung may nangyaring masama sa iyo?” My voice slightly raised.

“Okay naman ako. Nakauwi naman ako ng ligtas.” She said in a timid tone. And I scared her again. Great, just fucking great.

I sighed, trying to collect myself before I spoke in a gentle voice. “Just don’t do it again, okay?”

“Okay.” Sabi ni Tanya. “Um, Wayne, kailangan ko na pumasok. Baka malate pa ako sa klase.”

“Ano’ng oras ang huling klase mo?”

“Eleven-thirty. Isa lang kasi ang klase ko ngayon pero twelve to eight ang shift ko ngayon sa trabaho.”

“Magkita tayo mamaya. I’ll call you later.”

“Sige.” She said. “Salamat nga pala sa pinauwi mong ulam. Nagustuhan ni nanay.”

I couldn’t help but smile like a doofus while I leaned back to the couch. “Syempre, luto mo yun.”

“Kailangan ko na talagang umalis. Bye, Wayne.” Paalam niya.

“Tanya…”

“Bakit?”

“Text me when you get to school so I know you got there safe, okay?”

“Okay.” I could hear a hint of smile in her voice. “Bye, Wayne.”

“Bye.” I said before hanging up the phone. I wasn’t sure why but I had the need to protect her. Was it because she looked sweet, delicate, fragile, eternally nervous and vulnerable? Damn it! This wasn’t the sort of relationship I wanted. I hired her so I could have someone to fuck without any commitment, expectation or emotional investment. But her softness had tantilized me. Things were moving in a direction I hadn’t plan for. She captured something inside me, she woke up something inside me. She made me feel things. And I couldn’t deny that or push it away.

I got up and took a shower. I excitedly checked my phone after getting out of the bathroom. Napangiti ako ng makita ko ang pangalan ni Tanya sa screen ng phone ko.

Nasa school na ko, Wayne.

:)

 

Tanya’s POV

“Hoy, Tanya Helaine Andrada!” Nag-angat ako ng tingin mula sa phone na hawak ko ng marinig ko si Edna. Naglalakad siya palapit sa akin na may malapad na ngiti sa labi at huminto siya sa harap ko. “Ikaw nagtatago ka na ng sikreto sa akin ngayon!”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Wala naman akong tinatago sa’yo.”

“Wala? Eh sino yung nagsundo sa’yong lalaki.” Pumamewang si Edna.

“Si Wayne…” Mahinang sabi ko habang pinipigil ang ngiti ko. “Kaibigan ko lang yun.”

“Kaibigan? May kaibigan bang kung maka-kapit sa’yo akala mo tuko.” Narinig ko ang boses ni Luis mula sa likuran ko. Pareho kaming napalingon ni Edna. Walang kangiti-ngiti sa mukha niya. “Dumating lang siya kagabi, iniwan mo na agad kami at sumama ka sa kanya.”

“May lakad kasi kami. Nawala lang sa isip ko.” Dahilan ko.

“Sino ba talaga ang Wayne na yun ha? Ano mo siya?” Nakasimangot na tanong ni Luis.

“Kaibigan ko nga lang siya.” Bumuntong-hininga ako. “Huwag na natin pag-usapan ‘yun, pwede ba?”

“Saan kayo nagpunta? Bakit gabing-gabi na sumama ka pa sa lalaking yun?” Pilit niya pa rin na tanong. Lalong lumalim ang kunot ng noo niya habang nakatingin sa akin at naghihintay ng sagot ko.

“Kasi nga may importante kaming kailangan pag-usapan. Tungkol sa… sa scholarship. May kakilala kasi siya na makakatulong sa akin, hindi ba sinabi ko na sa’yo yun noon?” Pagsisinungaling ko. Hindi ko na nga mabilang kung ilang beses kong kailangan magsinungaling hindi lang sa kanila kung hindi kay nanay din.

“At ano ang kapalit?” Makahulugan na sabi niya at tumaas ang isang sulok ng labi niya na parang nang-uuyam.

“A-ano bang gusto mong palabasin?” Sabi ko at nag-iwas ng tingin. “Nagmamagandang loob lang yung tao.”

“Nagmamagandang loob?” Sarkastikong tumawa siya. “ Porque ba nagmamagandang loob siya may karapatan na siyang hawak-hawakan ka ng gano’n? O baka naman nasilaw ka na sa pera o sa magarbong kotse ng lalaking iyon? Akala ko iba ka.”

“Tama na nga kayong dalawa!” Awat ni Edna. “Baka kung saan pa mapunta ang usapan niyong ‘yan!” 

I looked down, hurt at what he said. Pati ba si Luis na isa sa mga best friend ko ipararamdam sa akin kung gaano ako kababang babae? I felt a lump on my throat habang pinipigil ko ang luha ko. Tumalikod na ako at walang salitang nagpunta ako sa klase ko. Umupo ako sa bakanteng upuan sa likod. Naramdaman kong nag-vibrate ang phone ko mula sa bag ko at inilabas iyon. Parang nabawasan ang bigat ng dibdib ko ng makita ko ang pangalan ni Wayne.

Good. Just got out of the shower and am getting ready for school. See you later.

Hindi ko naiwasan ang mapangiti ng mabasa ko iyon. Simpleng message lang pero bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko? I texted him back:

Ingat papuntang school.

Ipinasok ko na ulit sa bag ko ang phone ko at humugot ng malalim na hininga. Kahit kailan hindi ko naman hiniling na sana naging mayaman ako. Pinalaki ako ng nanay na kuntento sa buhay na meron kami. Basta ba nakakain kami ng tatlong beses sa isang araw at may natutulugan kami masaya na ako. Pero bakit ngayon gusto kong hilingin na sana magkapantay na lang kami ni Wayne? Sana wala ako sa sitwasyon na ganito at sana hindi ako nanliliit sa sarili ko tuwing kasama ko siya. Oo, maayos ang trato sa akin ngayon ni Wayne at hindi niya ipinararamdam sa akin na binabayaran niya lang ako pero kahit magkunwari ako na normal ang kung anuman ‘tong relasyon namin dalawa, I know where I stand in his life. Pang-palipas oras niya lang ako. Libangan.

Naramdaman kong nag-vibrate ang phone ko ulit at kahit ayaw ko man, hindi ko napigilan ang sarili ko na kunin iyon mula sa bag ko. Katulad ng inaasahan ko galing ulit kay Wayne ang message.

Sure. Para sa’yo mag-iingat ako. ;)

I found myself replying to his message:

Have a nice day

:)

Makalipas lang ng ilang segundo nag-reply agad siya sa akin.

You too, angel. I have to drive. I’ll text you when I get to school.

Lalong lumapad ang ngiti ko. Angel?

Drive carefully

At agad ulit dumating ang reply niya.

Will do. Text you later.

Sinagot ko ang text niyang iyon. Hindi ko alam kung bakit sa tuwing mag-uusap kami ng ganito parang ayaw ko pa matapos iyon. Sana ganito din pagkaharap ko siya. I get really nervous around him. I get so nervous that sometimes I couldn’t even think straight. My heart beats a little faster when he’s around.

  Sige. Ingat.

Nag-vibrate ulit ang phone ko.

Tanya, don’t reply to this. I can’t resist replying to you and I’m going to be late for class.

Natawa ako ng mahina sa message niyang iyon. Makalipas ang ilang minuto nag-vibrate na naman ang phone ko at patago kong binasa ang message niya.

I’m already at school. On my way to my first class.

Ayaw ko sanang magreply dahil naglelecture na ang prof namin pero hindi ko napigilan ang sarili ko. 

Lumabas na ako pagkatapos ng klase at nakita si Luis na nakasandal sa pader sa tabi ng pinto ng classroom. Nagkatinginan kami. Agad akong nag-iwas ng tingin sa kanya at nagpatuloy sa paglalakad. Sumunod siya sa akin pero hindi ko pa rin siya pinansin.

“Tanya, mag-usap tayo.” Sabi niya habang naglalakad sa tabi ko. “Hindi ko sinasadya yung mga na sabi ko kanina. Nabigla lang ako.”

“Hayaan mo na muna ako.” Binilisan ko ang paglalakad.  

“Tanya, sorry na talaga.” Hinarang niya ang sarili niya sa harap ko at hinawakan ako sa magkabilang balikat para pigilan. Malamlam ang mga matang tinitigan niya ako. “Nadala lang ako ng selos.”

“Luis…”

“Oo, alam ko wala akong karapatan pero hindi ko kayang pigilan yun. Alam mo naman matagal na akong may gusto sa’yo.” Bumuntong hininga siya. “Mahal na kita, Tanya. Hindi ba sabi ko naman maghihintay ako hanggang sa handa ka na? Hindi ako titigil sa panliligaw sa’yo.”

“Luis, kaibigan lang talaga ang tingin ko sa’yo. Makakahanap ka rin ng iba at alam kong magiging maswerte ang babaeng mamahalin mo.” Ngumiti ako sa kanya.  

“Hindi ko kayang magmahal ng iba. Ikaw ang gusto ko. Ikaw lang.” Malungkot ang boses na sabi niya. “Gagawin ko ang lahat maging akin ka lang.”

 

Wayne’s POV

“Mr. St. Croix!” Our professor tapped her stick on my desk. My eyes averted from my phone to look up at her. I quickly lowered my phone under my desk but I was sure she saw it. “Are you paying any attention to what I was saying?”

“Of course, Mrs. Montoya.” I said.

“Then what did I just say?” She cocked her brow at me.

“You were talking about, um, ah…” I had no idea what she was talking about.

“Hindi mo alam kasi hindi ka nakikinig. Puro text ang inaatupag mo.” S he sighed and held her hand out. “Give me your phone.”

I looked at my phone, not wanting to hand it to her. Damn it!

 “Give. Me. Your. Phone.” Ulit niya. With no choice, I let out an exasperated sigh and handed it to her. “Kayong lima…” She pointed her stick at me, Nick, Axel, Tristan and Wayne. “Kung ayaw niyong ibagsak ko kayo-”

“If you fail us again, you get us next semester.” Axel said with a taunting smile. We knew how much Mrs. Montoya hated us. She wouldn’t want to have us again.

  “Wala naman problema samin iyon. You’re our favorite professor.” Seth grinned.

Mrs. Montoya gave them both a scowling glare before looking at me. “You’ll get this back after class.” Mariin na sabi niya bago tumalikod papunta sa desk niya.

“Sino ba yung katext mo?” Tristan whispered.

“Oo nga, kanina ka pa pangiti-ngiti d’yan. Para kang gago.” Nick chuckled.

“Tangina! Pag ako nadamay d’yan ah. Maawa ka naman, dude, pag binagsak ako n’yan gastos na naman yan. Laspag na laspag na katawan ko.” Sabi ni Tristan and all of us snickered quietly.

“Di ba enjoy ka naman sa trabaho mo?” Sabi ni Seth.  “You get paid to shag MILFs.”

“Damn ! Luck you, you get paid for fucking matured and experienced women.” Axel smiled, shaking his head.  “I haven’t had a pussy for three fucking days.”

A sigh escaped my lips. I haven’t had one since Tanya came into my life. I didn’t want else but her. I wanted her with an ache I couldn’t even begin to understand. But I knew I couldn’t have her. At least not just yet.

After that class I got my phone back but unfortunately Tanya was already at work. She said she couldn’t use her phone anymore. God, why do I always want to talk to her and be with her? It was something way beyond my control. I didn’t know why I was drawn to her. I just am. It was like those forces of nature that couldn’t help their attraction. They glom on to each other whether they like it or not. And that was how it was when Tanya was near. She was the force I couldn’t resist. And lately, I haven’t wanted to resist which was fucking scary.

---

Author’s Note

Alam ko. Bitin na naman. Hahaha. Bukas o sa Sunday na lang yung susunod na update. Pasensya na po sa mabagal na update. Busy lang talaga ako ngayon.

Chapter Eight

“Where do you want to go?” I asked while we were walking to my car with my hand on the small of her back.

She looked up at me with a quizzical look. Tanya tensed when our eyes locked. I gave her a warm smile to ease her discomfort but it only made her cheeks flush pink, causing me to grin at how cute it was. Nahihiyang nag-iwas siya ng tingin. She was just so blissfully unaware of how breathtakingly beautiful she was.

Her actions confuse me as much as it captures my curiosity. She seemed so unworldly and uncorrupted, something I almost never saw in girls. It was surprising given her job as a prostitute. She was very different from any woman that I had met. Her grace was very unwhorish. When I first saw her, I had already felt an odd stirring of protectiveness rise inside me. I tried to fight it because I didn’t want to feel any weakness toward her.  But now I had fallen too deep into this unfamiliar rabbit hole. As much as I wanted to fight it, I knew whatever it was that I was feeling right now with her, I wanted more of it.

“Bahala ka.” She answered in a shy voice.

“Palaging ako na lang ang nagdedesisyon. Ngayon gusto ko ikaw naman.” I said.

Hindi pa siya nakakasagot ng makarating na kami sa harap ng kotse. I opened the passenger’s side door for Tanya and she nodded her head as a thank you with her eyes still glued to the ground. Maingat siyang sumakay sa kotse at isinira ko ang pinto nito. I went around to the driver’s side, hopping in and starting the car.

“Alam mo na ba kung saan mo gusto pumunta?” Tanong ko sa kanya.

She shook her head. When will she warm up around me? Mabuti pa sa text messages kinakausap niya ako. She was more relaxed and sweet when we talk over the phone. But whenever I’m around she becomes a timid, shy and nerve racked girl. She seemed so intimidated by my presence. I just wanted her to be more comfortable around me.

“Why don’t you take me to your favorite place? Your favorite restaurant?” I suggested.

She paused for awhile as if thinking before she spoke. “Baka hindi mo magustuhan doon.”

I smiled at her. “Try me.”

 

I watched as Tanya brushed her fingers through her dark hair, tucking some loose strands of it behind her ears. She had this quiet charm that always leaves you wanting more. Everything she does makes me want her. Not in a sexual way but in a way I just want to be next to her. Nothing more, nothing less.  She picked up the spoon and fork and was about to dig in to the food in front of her when she suddenly paused and lifted her eyes up to me when she felt the weight of my stare.

When she saw me watching she shyly put down her spoon and fork and looked at me with a worried look on her face. “Okay lang ba talagang dito tayo?”

“Yeah, of course.” I gave her a reassuring smile. She took me to this outdoor grill kiosk with white plastic patio chairs and tables around it where you could eat. Umupo kami sa isa sa mga mesa pagkatapos namin umorder ng pagkain.

She gave me a weak smile before turning back to her food. It took all my willpower not to get lost in watching her. I observed her in amusement. Her face, her concentration, her shoulders then her hands. I could do this for hours. Everything around us faded in the background, the noise, the people… she was all I could see. I shook my head at the thought. I was a hopeless goner. Gone. Gone. Gone. I never imagined I could feel this way for any woman

“How was work?” I asked, trying to start a conversation. Nag-angat ulit siya ng tingin sa akin but I could tell that she was uncomfortable holding my gaze.

“Okay lang.” She answered, barely audible. “Ikaw? Kamusta naman ang araw mo?”

“It was good… but then I picked you up and saw you and it made my day amazing.” I said, chuckling. I wanted it to sound like a joke but it wasn’t.

Her cheeks turned pink as she lowered her gaze to the plate in front of her and picked on her food with her fork to try to hide her embarrassment. Oh Tanya, you never fail to amuse me.

“Madalas ka bang pumupunta dito?” Tanong ko. I was trying to make her more comfortable.

“Dito kami pumupunta nina nanay at tatay kapag lumalabas kami o kaya sweldo ni tatay. ” Her unguarded smile and the twinkle in her eyes took me by surprise. I found myself smiling back. I loved the fact that she took me somewhere that was really special to her. I felt like somehow she had let me in a special part of her life. “Sa park malapit dito kasi sila unang nagkakilala noon kaya paborito nilang lugar-“ She paused as if retracting when she probably realized she was sharing too much, she was letting her walls down.

Tahimik kaming kumain. Pagkatapos namin kumain naglakad kami sa park na sinasabi niya.

“So, this is your parents’ favorite place?” I asked to try to break the silence and awkwardness between us.

She nodded her head with a bittersweet smile on her lips.  

  “What was your family like?” I couldn’t help but ask.

“Bakit tinatanong mo sa akin yan?”

“I just want to get to know you,”

so I can justify this feeling I already have for you. I didn’t know how she became important to me or how I started caring about her. It happened so suddenly that I didn’t even know what was going on. My mind wasn’t able to keep up anymore. I didn’t know how it went from she was a whore who had given herself to countless men to she was different from any other women I had ever met. “Magkwento ka tungkol sa pamilya mo.That’s an order.” I only see her smile when she talks about her mother. Everytime I see her smile, all I could think about was how I wanted to make her smile forever.

“Simple lang ang pamilya namin. Construction worker ang tatay noon at si nanay naman nagtitinda ng banana cue sa tapat ng bahay namin, tinutulong ko din siya magtinda kapag umuuwi ako galing sa eskwelahan.” Nakangiting sabi niya. There was that smile again, a smile that could melt your heart. “Kumakanta pa nga ako noon habang nagtitinda para makaattract ng mga bumibili kahit hindi naman maganda ang boses ko.” She softly laughed and I felt something flip at the pit of my stomach. It was the first time she ever did that with me. My heart felt like it was caught in my throat and I had to remind myself to keep breathing. “Masaya kami noon kahit minsan kapos kami sa pera nagtutulungan naman si nanay at tatay. Madalas sabihin sa akin ni tatay noon na kung hindi man niya kayang ibigay lahat ng gustuhin ko, ipinapangako niya naman na ibibigay niya sa akin lahat ng kailangan ko.”

She took a deep breath and I saw a sudden pained expression on her face. As if the life had suddenly been sucked out of her. “Hindi niya tinupad iyon. Ngayong kailangan namin siya wala naman na siya. Iniwan niya kami.”

I reached for her hand and she flinched. Tumingin siya sa akin. You could see the quiet strength that was hidden within her whenenever you look at those beautiful eyes. I stared back at her as if trying to tell her that I was here for her. Her eyes softened and so did her hand. I interwined our fingers together and rubbed my thumb on the back of her hand as we walked.  Her skin against mine set off an instant spark that ignited my whole body.

“Nasaan na siya ngayon?” I asked curiously.

“Wala na siya. Namatay siya sa aksidente sa construction site na pinagtatrabahuhan niya.” I could sense the sorrow in her voice that she was trying to hide.

“I’m sorry.” Sabi ko.

“Wala yun. Matagal na naman ‘yon. Minsan lang talaga hindi ko maiwasang magtampo sa kanya dahil iniwan niya kaming dalawa ni nanay.” She chuckled softly despite the fact that her eyes were already watering. “Sobrang nahirapan kasi kami noong nawala siya. Kung anu-anong trabaho ang pinasok ni nanay hanggang sa nagkasakit na siya. Ngayon ako na lang ang inaasahan niya. Kapag nawala pa si nanay ako na lang ang maiiwan mag-isa. Nahihirapan na ako. Natatakot ako.” Her voice shook as she spoke as she swallowed her sobs.

We stopped and I pulled her closer to me. Hinawakan ko siya sa magkabilang balikat at hinarap sa akin. I watched as tears trickled down her cheeks and I wiped it away with both my thumb.

“Shh, Tanya, listen to me. I’m here for you, okay? When you get scared look me in the eyes and smile because I’m not going anywhere.” I said in a gentle tone. I thought my heart would crack, seeing her cry, seeing the pain and fear in her eyes almost killed me. In a short time I had known Tanya, I knew that I had weakness for her. I knew I liked her more than I should.

Dinala ko siya pabalik sa kotse ko na nakaparada sa hindi kalayuan at sumakay na kami.We sat at the backseat of the car as I comfort her. Nakapulupot ang bisig ko sa baywang niya habang nakahilig ang ulo niya sa dibdib ko.

“Maswerte ka nga may nanay ka pa. I have no one.” I said as I stroke her hair. “From the outside looking in, I know it looks like I have everything but I don’t. I may have everything I want but nothing I need.” I took a deep breath as I felt my chest tightened. Sitting next to her, I felt like there were no locks, no bolts, no filter for my thoughts. With her, I felt like I could let my walls down. I could tell her anything.  “My parents seperated when I was just a kid. My mom moved to Boston and started a new life there, a new family. Naiwan ako kay dad at nagkaroon din siya ng bagong pamilya. Hindi ko naramdaman na parte ako ng bagong pamilya nilang dalawa. Pakiramdam ko naiwan ako sa ere. Kahit buhay pa ang mga magulang ko pakiramdam ko nag-iisa na lang ako. I just don’t fit in their lives anymore. Nobody wants me.”

The corner of my eyes burned with tears. Damn! I had never let anyone see me in this light before. It was the most I had ever opened myself up to anyone in my life. For the first time, I was vulnerable. I was naked and exposed and not in the way I was used to being naked and exposed. Naked to the soul.

I looked down to see her staring at me. In that moment, I felt like we had a secret. Just her and I. I felt like we understood something no one elese would ever understand.

She reached her hands up, putting it on both side of my face. Something about her touch calmed me. Everything fell away as we looked into each others eyes and we both became lost in a world of our own. Completely oblivious to our surroundings. Her lips softly grazed mine. I crashed my lips harder to hers. I pulled her closer but I still couldn’t bring her close enough to me.  I could feel her trembling in my hold and I knew I was trembling too. I had kissed before but it was never like this. It was different than anything I had ever experienced. Her lips parted in a gasp when I sucked the bottom of it. I slid my tongue inside and interwined it with hers. Her sweet scent filled my lungs with a delightful force and I could feel every part of my senses reacting to the sensation. My hand swiped along the curves of her body, it had all the softness and feminity I had ever dreamt about. My whole world became centered to her. All I could think about was the kiss and how her body felt against mine. And that even if I didn’t know it until now, I had been waiting for her all my life.

We were both panting when she pulled away from the kiss. We looked at each other with glassy eyes, still tangled in each other’s arms. I gave her a kiss on the forehead before resting mine on hers. When I was with a girl, getting in her pants was my top priority but it was different with Tanya. I just wanted to hold her for as long as I could. This is where I truly feel comfortable, next to her. This is where I was at peace. Sa kanya ko lang naramdaman ang ganitong katahimikan. I no longer felt like a rough ocean, I was a smooth river flowing gently to the path that was created for it.

Chapter Nine

Tanya’s POV

Hanggang ngayon na na nakauwi na ako sa bahay para pa rin akong nakalutong sa ulap. Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala na ako ang unang humalik sa kanya. Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili kong gawin iyon ng makita ko kung gaano kalungkot ang mga mata niya. Hinalikan ko siya kasi gusto kong mabawasan kahit konti man lang ang sakit na nararamdaman niya. Alam ko ang pakiramdam na parang nag-iisa ka na lang habang buhat mo sa balikat mo ang bigat ng buong mundo. Hinalikan ko siya dahil iyon ang pakiramdam kong tamang gawin ng mga oras na iyon.

“Tanya.” Nagulat ako at nagising mula sa malalim na pag-iisip ng marinig ang boses ni nanay. Lumingon ako sa pinto ng kwarto kung nasaan siya nakatayo. “Ikaw bata ka, kanina pa kita hinihintay. Dumadalas na yata ang pag-uwi mo ng gabi.”

Lumapit siya sa mesa kung saan ako nakatayo at nagmano ako sa kanya. “Pasenya na, nay. Gumawa kasi kami ng mga kaklase ko ng project.” Inilapag ko ang plastic bag na hawak ko sa mesa at inilabas ang mga gamot niya. “Nakabili ko na ang lahat ng gamot na nireseta sa inyo ng doktor at saka nabayaran ko na din si aling Moning.”

At ito, ito ang humahatak sa akin pabalik sa realidad. Ang perang ibinabayad sa akin ni Wayne. Parang isang masakit na sampal sa mukha ko iyon pero hindi ko kayang tanggihan iyon. Kailangan ng nanay ang mga gamot niya, kailangan ko iyon para may makain kaming dalawa, kailangan kong mabayaran ang renta namin, kailangan ko yun pangtuition.

“Saan ka ba nakakakuha ng pera?” Seryosong tanong niya habang nakatitig sa mga mata ko.

Nagbaba ako ng tingin dahil alam kong hindi ko kayang magsinungaling habang nakatingin sa kanya. “Nangutang po ako sa mga kaibigan ko.”

“Tanya, anak, hindi mo naman kailangan gawin iyon.” Bumuntong-hininga siya.  “Magkakabaon-baon lang tayo sa utang. Bakit hindi mo na lang ako hayaan na mamasukan bilang kasambahay-“

“Nay, napag-usapan na natin yan. Hindi po ako papayag na magtrabaho kayo lalo na ngayon na may sakit pa kayo.”

“Kaya ko pa naman. Kaysa naman nandito lang ako sa bahay.”

“Mabuti yun para sa’yo, nay. Magpahinga ka na lang dito sa bahay. Hindi po dapat kayo napapagod.”  

“Ayaw ko lang kasing nakikita kang nahihirapan.”

“Hindi naman po ako nahihirapan at saka malapit na akong makapagtapos.” Malambing na niyakap ko siya mula sa likod niya at ipinatong ko ang baba ko sa balikat niya. “May awa ang Diyos, nay. Matatapos din ang lahat ng paghihirap natin. Pag nakahanap na ako ng magandang trabaho hindi na natin kahit kailan poproblemahin ang pera. Bibili ako ng malaking bahay para sa’yo at hindi mo na kailangan gumawa ng kahit anong gawaing bahay dahil kukuha din ako ng kasambahay para sa’yo.”

Natawa si nanay. “Ang batang ‘to.” Naiiling-iling na sabi niya bago idinantay ang ulo niya sa akin. “Hindi ko naman kailangan ng mga iyon. Wala akong ginusto kung hindi ang maging maganda ang buhay mo.” 

Pagkatapos namin mag-usap ni nanay nagbanlaw ako ng katawan sa banyo. Pagpasok ko sa kwarto saktong tumunog ang cellphone ko mula sa backpack ko. Binuksan ko iyon at nakita ang pangalan ni Wayne. 5 text messages and 1 missed call. Tumunog ulit iyon habang hawak ko. Tumatawag siya sa akin pero tinitigan ko lang iyon. Parang hindi na kasi tama itong nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. Hindi normal ang relasyon namin dalawa at hindi kahit kailan magiging normal iyon. Binabayaran niya ako para makasama niya.

Habang lalo kaming nagiging malapit sa isa’t isa lalong nahuhulog ang loob ko sa kanya. Iyon ang ayaw kong mangyari. Ayokong maging komplikado ang mga bagay sa pagitan namin. Ayokong mainvolve ang feelings ko. Para kapag hindi niya na ako kailangan, hindi magiging ganon kasakit ‘pag nawala siya.Pero iyon din ang mahirap na gawin. Paanong hindi mahuhulog ang loob mo sa kanya? Pwede niyang gawin ang kahit anong gusto niya sa akin pero mas pinili niyang respetuhin ako at itrato bilang babae. Hindi niya ipinaramdam sa akin na bayaran ako.

Wala sa sariling niyakap ko sa dibdib ko ang cellphone na hawak ko ng matapos magring iyon. Napakagat ako sa pang-ibabang labi ko, para nalalasahan at nararamdaman ko pa rin ang mga labi niya sa akin.

 

Wayne’s POV

I fell asleep with my phone in my hand, waiting for her to at least reply to my messages. My phone was the first thing I checked as soon as I woke up. I went through my messages and let out a sigh of relief when I saw Tanya’s name.

Sorry ngayon lang ako nakapagreply. Nakatulog na agad ako kagabi paguwi ko.

I called her and after the second ring she picked it up.

“Morning, Tanya.”

“Wayne.” I heard her soft voice on the other end of the line. “Hindi ko nasagot ang tawag mo kagabi, nakatulog na kasi ako paguwi ko.”

“I understand. I just wanted to check on you and make you got home safe.”

“Salamat.”

“Tanya, I really enjoyed being with you last night.”

“Ako din.” She said. I could still feel her lips on mine, her scent filling me, her warm skin against mine, the soft curves of her body. It was vivid, unforgettable. I kept reliving the kiss in my mind over and over again.

“So, I’ll see you later?”

“Sige.” She answered. “Kailangan ko na bumalik sa klase.”

After our conversation, I went on with my daily routine but my mind was with her. She was all I could think about. It was as if everything I am now was tied up in her. I was struck by my feelings for her and the fact that I had trusted her enough to tell her all the emotions I had been keeping to myself. She was the only one who really knew me, the only one I let in fully. She scares me because I told her thing I never even knew I felt until I opened up to her last night.

I just wanted someone to fuck but now I got more than what I bargained for.

“Eugene’s parents are out of town and he’s throwing a party at his house. Sasama ka ba sa amin?” I was cut off from my thought when I heard Seth’s voice.

“When?” I asked.

“Tonight.” He answered.

I already had plans with Tanya.  

“Huwag mong sabihing hindi ka na naman sasama?” Sabi ni Phoenix.

“What are you up to these days anyway? Busy boning that chick, what’s her name again, Tanya?” Axel chuckled. A swirling mix of annoyance and protectiveness shot through me.

“Shut the fuck up. Don’t talk about her that way.” My eyes narrowed at him.

“Calm the fuck down. I’m just asking.” He shrugged.

“Hoy, tama na nga yan. Mamaya mag-awa pa kayo niyan. Dalhin mo na lang yung chicks mo sa party.” Tristan grinned at me.

I took Tristan’s suggestion to bring Tanya with me to the party. I picked her up from the fast food restaurant where she was working after her shift and went to Eugene’s. I parked my car in front of his house along with the other cars. I could already hear the loud music from the outside.

We got out of the car and she walked nervously next to me.

“Wayne, ano’ng gagawin natin dito?” She asked.

“A schoolmate’s having a party. We’re just going to hang out with my friends for awhile.” I answered.

“Teka, okay lang ba ‘tong suot ko?” She  worriedly asked, looking down at what she was wearing and so did I. A loose plaid blouse, a ragged blue jeans that hugged her frame perfectly and a pair of old white sneakers. Her simplicity was what made her different from all the girls I’ve met. Her simplicity was her beauty.

“You look perfect.” I smiled. She shyly smiled back at me as a warm blush spread across her face. My heart felt like it was slamming against my chest with just the sight of her smile. How in the hell could I possibly feel this way about a woman? I swallowed, trying to collect myself. “Come on, let’s go in.”

My hand crawled to the small of her back as we went in. The whole house was crowded, full of people, smoke and the smell of beer.  She inched closer to me as we pushed through the crowd.  I held her tight and kept her scent in my senses. It made my head spin, my heart race, and my nerves tingle.

“Wayne, I thought you weren’t going?” I saw Nick walking towards us with a bottle of beer in one hand.  

“I never said I wouldn’t go.” I said.

Nick turned his attention to Tanya. “Hindi mo naman sinabing may kasama ka pa lang magandang babae.”

Tanya answered him with a slight smile.

  “Where are the other guys?” I asked, my fingers possesively clutched on Tanya’s waist tighter.

  “They’re by the pool. I was just heading there.” Sabi ni Nick bago tumalikod. We followed him out of the house and to the pool area. It was stuffed with people, girls clad in tiny bikinis and men in trunks. I saw Seth and Axel sitting on the patio sofa by the pool with two unfamiliar women in bikinis, one was sitting on Seth’s lap while he rubbed her leg, the other girl had her arms wrapped around Axel’s torso.  

“Nandito na si Wayne.” Nick announced before sitting at the edge of the pool. “I’m getting in the pool. It’s hot out here.” And then he jumped in.

“Hey, lil Wayne.” Seth said, barely looking at me, and turned his attention back to the woman sitting on his lap.

“Hey, what are you doing here, I thought-“ Axel suddenly stopped when his eyes caught Tanya. A playful smile spread across his lips. “I see you got a beautiful company tonight, huh? Hi, Tanya, how are you?”

I could feel Tanya tensing against me. She looked up at me, as if she was asking me if she could talk to him. I subtly nodded my head.

“Um, okay lang.” She answered quietly.

“Did you bring your swimsuit? I’d love to see you in a bikini.” He said.

“Well, tough luck, she didn’t bring any swimsuit.” I answered with controlled emotion, my eyes narrowing at him. He was my buddy but if that bastard even try to put a move on her I would wring his fucking neck.

“Chill. I was just kidding.” He chuckled.

We sat on the vacant sofa on the left, across from Seth who was now kissing the girl that was sitting on his lap. Tanya uncomfortably kept her eyes down to avoid looking at them.

“Get a room, you two.” I said.

“You’re just jealous because you’re not getting any.” Seth said with a laugh.  “Are you giving him any, Tanya?”

“H-huh?” Her eyes averted from Seth to me with confusion.

“Jesus Christ, cut it out, Seth.” I snarled at him.

“So, you still haven’t fucked yet?” Axel asked.

My body jerked and I threw a glare at Axel. “Don’t use that word in front of Tanya.”

He grimaced at me, looking at me like I was going crazy. “What? Fuck? It’s our favorite word.”

I was going to open my mouth to say something but I felt Tanya’s hand gently squeeze my thigh. I glanced at her, she was looking at me as if asking me to stop. I let out a sigh and leaned back on the sofa.

“Hey, what’s happening here?” Tristan asked, sitting down next to Seth. He was wet and dripping, obviously from the pool.

“Um, Wayne, Mag-CR lang ako.” She got up from her seat.

“Samahan na kita.”

“Ako na lang. Kaya ko naman mag-isa.” She said like she was in a hurry. Just as I was about to get up from my seat she started walking away, and then I lost sight of her through the crowd.  I cussed under my breath.

“Huwag kang mag-alala hindi naman mawawala yun.” Seth chuckled.

“Yun ba yung chicks mo? Maganda.” Tristan said.

“Malala ka na.” Axel said.

“What are you talking about?” My brows furrowed at him.

“Ang lakas ng tama mo kay Tanya.” Natatawang sabi ni Seth.

“You’re like a whole different person when you’re with her.” Sabi ni Axel.  

“Whatever I’m gonna go find her.” I shook my head in annoyance before getting up from my seat.

                                                                                     

Tanya’s POV

Nakipagsiksikan ako sa mga tao papasok sa bahay at huminto ako sa isang sulok kung saan hindi masyadong matao. Hindi ko alam kung uuwi na ba ako ng hindi nagpapaalam kay Wayne o babalik ako. Namumukhaan ko ang isa sa mga kaibigan ni Wayne, yung huling lalaking dumating kanina. Nakikita ko siya minsan sa compound, siya ‘yun, hindi ako pwedeng magkamali. Hindi kami magkakilala at hindi kami nag-uusap, hindi ko alam kung namumukhaan niya rin ba ako.

Nakaramdam ako ng takot sa dibdib ko. Paano kung sabihin ni Wayne sa kanila kung ano talaga ako? Paano pag nalaman ‘to ni nanay? Sinubukan ko munang kalmahin ang sarili ko at i-clear ang isip ko. Baka naman magalit si Wayne sa akin kapag umalis ako ng hindi ko sinasabi sa kanya. Nakita ko ang isang mesa kung saan nakalagay ang mga pagkain at inumin para sa mga bisita at lumapit ako doon para kumuha ng maiinom. Inabot ko ang baso sa tabi ng punch bowl pero bago ko nahawakan iyon ay biglang may kumuha nun.

“Sorry, nauna ako.” Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa nagmamay-ari ng kamay na iyon. Ngumiti siya sa akin bago umismid. Siya yung lasing na babae sa club, yung ex ni Wayne na gustong makipagbalikan sa kanya. Maganda ang mukha niya, parang yung mga modelong makikita mo sa magazine. Wala kang maipipintas sa itsura niya. “I’m Margaux. What’s your name?”

“Tanya.” Maikling sagot ko.

Tinitigan niya ako mula ulo hanggang paa. Gusto kong mangliit sa paraan ng pagtingin niya sa akin na para bang sinusukat niya ang buong pagkatao ko. “I can’t believe this. What was he thinking?”  Tumawa siya ng mahina. “Where did you buy your clothes at a thrift store?”

Nagbaba ako ng tingin sa sahig at nakaramdam ng hiya. Lahat ng mga taong nandito puro magaganda at halatang mamahalin ang mga damit na suot, kung ikukumpara ang suot kong damit sa kanila, magmumukha akong basahan.

“I’m just kidding.” Sabi niya habang kumukuha ng juice mula sa punch bowl. “Wayne’s friend is my friend.” Pagkatapos ay inabot niya sa akin ang baso. Sandali kong tinitigan iyon bago nag-angat ang tingin ko sa kanya. “Here you go, take it.” Nakangiting sabi niya.

Umangat ang kamay ko para kunin iyon pero bigla niyang itinapon ang juice sa damit na suot ko. Napatili ako at bumaba ang mga mata ko sa basang blouse ko.

“Ang clumsy ko talaga. I’m so sorry.” Natatawa at parang nangungutyangs sabi niya.

“Margaux!” Narinig ko ang boses ni Wayne mula sa likod ko.

Biglang nawala ang ngiti niya. “Wayne…”

  “What the hell did you do?” Galit ang boses na tanong niya bago tumingin sa akin.

“M-my hand slipped.” Parang natatarantang sagot nito.

“Hindi niya naman sinasadya.” Sabi ko kahit alam kong sinadya niya iyon. Para maiwasan na lang ang gulo. Madali na lang naman laban ‘to.

“Are you okay?” May pag-aalalang tanong niya. Pinilit kong ngumiti at tumango ako. Kinuha niya ang kamay ko. “Let’s go. We’ll get you changed.”

Hinatak niya ako paakyat sa hagdan at papasok sa isang kwarto.  Sinara niya ang pinto at nilock iyon. Rinig pa rin ang ingay mula sa kasiyahan pero hindi na ganon kalakas. Hindi na nakakabingi. Binuksan ni Wayne ang ilaw. Umikot ang paningin ko. May isang kama sa gitna ng kwarto, isang flat screen tv sa may bandang paanan nito, sa kaliwana naman makikita ang isang salamin na pinto na magdadala sa’yo sa terrace. Nagulat ako ng hubarin ni Wayne ang suot niyang hoodie at naiwan na lang ang itim na sandong suot niya sa loob nun. Inabot niya sa akin iyon pagkatapos.

“Hubarin mo na yang damit mo baka magkasakit ka pa.”

“Salamat.” Sabi ko. Tinignan ko lang ang damit na hawak ko. Kahit nakita niya na ang katawan ko noon hindi ko pa rin ako komportableng maghubad sa harap niya. Siguro naramdaman niya iyon at tumalikod siya.

“Lalabas lang ako sa terrace. Puntahan mo na lang ako dun pagtapos mo.” Sabi niya sa akin bago binuksan ang pinto ng terrace. Pinanood ko siyang lumabas doon at ng maisara niya na ang pinto isa-isa ko ng tinanggal ang butones ng blouse ko. Hinubad ko ang basang damit ko at sinuot ang hoodie ni Wayne. Malaki iyon sa akin. Lagpas pa sa dulo ng mga daliri ko ang manggas at umaabot hanggang sa kalahati ng mga hita ko ang haba nito. Naiwan din doon ang pinaghalong natural na amoy niya at ang mamahaling cologne na gamit niya. Napayakap ako sa sarili ko at humugot ng malalim na hininga. Parang nararamdaman ko pa rin sa damit niya ang naiwan na init mula sa kanya.

Tumingin ako sa pinto ng terrace kung nasaan siya at napabuntong-hininga. Hindi ko na kayang itanggi sa sarili ko na may nararamdaman na ako para sa kanya. Hindi naman siguro masama iyon,hindi naman ako umaasang ganon din ang maramdaman niya para sa akin. Alam ko naman kung ano ako sa buhay niya.

Naniniwala akong mabuting tao si Wayne kahit hindi iyon ang gusto niyang ipakita sa mundo at sa mga tao sa paligid niya. Nakikita ko sa mga mata niya ang totoong siya. Inside, he was a lost little boy who wanted to feel loved. Sa tuwing titigan ko siya sa mga mata niya gustong kong sabihin sa kanya na hindi niya kailangan itago ang kahinaan niya, na malaya niyang ilabas sa akin ang totoong siya. Sana kaya kong sabihin sa kanya iyon.

Dahan-dahan akong naglakad papunta sa pinto ng terrace at binuksan iyon. Nakita ko siyang nakasilip sa malaking telescope sa harap niya, tinitignan ang mga bituin doon.

“Wayne.” Mahinang tawag ko.

Wayne’s POV

“Tanya, you have to look at this.” I tore my eyes from the telescope and faced her. I held my hand out, inviting her to look through it. She smiled and walked to the telescope. I adjusted stand to her eye level so she could peep through it. She was in front of me, standing in between my arms.

“Ang ganda.” She gasped like an amused little girl.

“Yeah…” I agreed as I looked at her face. Right in front of me was beauty in its purest form.

She removed her eyes from the telescope’s eyepiece and turned her head to me, our face only inches apart. I saw the entire galaxy in her eyes. People look at me and think that I’m okay but when she looks at me I feel like she could see the darkest corner of my mind.

Maybe Axel was right, I was a whole different person when I’m with Tanya but I like who I become when I’m with her. I found my peace and sudden happiness beside her. I was captive to how she makes me feel and the way just being with her can induce temporary amnesia about the world outside. The rest of the world fades away when I look at her. It feels like there was only us, like we were inside a bubble. Inside the bubble, we didn’t need to speak, we have our own language. We speak with our hearts better than with our mind. Outside the bubble was everyone else.

I knew I had come undone the day I met her.

Somehow, I felt like I had fulfilled a part of me that seemed to be missing. She soothes the restlessness within me. She made me feel… whole. She was the only person who had made me feel complete and I knew she’s the only one who ever will. Most people would think they had found their soulmates. I know this would sound silly but I think I had found the other half of my soul. It felt like Tanya and I were one soul in two bodies. Maybe, somewhere in our past life we had accidentally seperated. She was a part of me that wandered off once but now we had found each other again.

Chapter Ten

Wayne’s POV

We decided to go to Tristan’s after our last class for the day. Exam was over and we needed the evening to relax and recharge instead of going out to party. That, and Nick and Tristan were broke as a joke after paying for their tuiton so they’d be able to take the exam. And I didn’t want to go out anyway. It gets tiring; cheap women, loud music, hard liquor… same old, same old.

We took turn playing video games. I was absently watching Nick and Seth play while Tristan and Axel were talking about something I wasn’t really paying attention to. My mind was elsewhere. Damn! It had been a full week since the last time Tanya and I saw each other. She asked if it was alright if we don’t see each other for awhile. Sabi niya kailangan niya ng konting panahon para makapag-aral para sa exam at ayaw niyang ng distraction. She needed to study so she could qualify for the scholarship for next semester. I had no choice but to say yes but not seeing her for days was starting to drive me mad. We’d text now and then, see how we were doing then she’d stop replying after the ’how are you’s. Damn! Not being able to see her or talk to her was starting to drive me mad.

I went out of Tristan’s apartment to get some fresh air. I stood by the railings from across Tristan’s door and watched the people down below. Borrowed a cig from Tristan before I went out, put it in between my lips and lit it up. I wasn’t much of a smoker as compared to him, actually I wasn’t at all, I get by with a stick a month or maybe none at all but right now, I felt like I needed one.

I could say that Tanya and I had a special understanding. There was a connection we both shared but didn’t exactly understand. It had always been there since the beginning. I didn’t believe in love at first sight but I was starting to believe that a very few people, if they were lucky, they might meet someone who would make sense of their existence. I guess I was one of the luckies.

Since the party, she started to ease up at me. It didn’t happen all of a sudden. It wasn’t like a floodgate gushed open. We take it easy. Easy and slowly,… like a child learning how to walk. Sure, she was still shy and soft and gentle but I thought it was just her nature. Now we could casually talk. We play board games everytime we hang out at my place. She even tutored me for my exam the last whole week we spent with each other. I hated algebra with a passion, if it weren’t for Nick, I wouldn’t be able to pass it last semester. Siya ang pinakamagaling sa math sa amin at sa kanya kami kumokopya tuwing may test at exam. She was very smart, she takes a few advance classes, I found out that I was two years ahead of her and felt embarrassed that she was the one tutoring me. She said I was smart and I catch up fast, I just lacked focus and attention. I answered most questions in the exam without needing to copy to Nick and I was confident that I’d pass it.

I saw her, her slender and delicately beautiful form walking smoothly. Even from up here, I knew it was her. That form, the way she walks, her long hair, she was all too familiar to me. I would know if it was her even if she was ten miles away. I blinked. Damn! Maybe I was just imagining her. I think about her all the time and I was starting to imagine her. This wasn’t healthy anymore. I blinked again, she was still there. She went up the left building, went and I saw her walking to the open air corridor on the second floor. Got her keys from her bag and opened the fourth door.

I hurriedly went down the stairs, to go to the left building. I needed to see her. I needed to know that it was really her and that I wasn’t losing my mind. I went up the second floor and stopped in front of the door where she went in

I had to knock four times before someone answered and opened the door. A petite older lady stood in front of me. She didn’t exactly looked like Tanya but she had that same fragility that Tanya had. Her eyes were big and deepset, giving her a look of exhaustion and weariness. She looked sickly, thin and pale but right away, she had a welcoming warmth about her.

“Hi.” I croacked out.

She smiled at me and lines of crow’s feet appeared on the corner of her eyes. “Magandang gabi. Ano’ng kailangan nila?”

“Dito po ba nakatira si Tanya?” I asked.

“Ah, si Tanya. Kaklase ka ba o katrabaho ng anak ko?”

I paused for a second, thinking of what to answer her and then sighed. “Magkaibigan po kami.”

“Ganun ba? Halika, pasok ka.” She opened the door wider and I slowly stepped in. I felt kind of nervous(?) and a bit guily, I knew I was breaking an unspoken rule between us. She wouldn’t want me to meddle with her personal life. The thing between us was pure business. She needed my money, I needed her company. It was as simple as that. Stepping into her personal life will make it complicated between us but I couldn’t help it. I was hungry for the knowledge of her.

Their apartment was as big as Tristan’s. They had an old floral couch where she made me sit and a small radio on the table beside the couch that played old music. Their house smelled of fresh bedclothes and lilac, it was as welcoming as the old lady was.

“Ano nga palang pangalan mo, hijo?” Tanong niya.

“Wayne po.” I politely answered.

“Ikinagagalak kong makilala ka.” Nakangiting sabi niya. “ Sandali at tatawagin ko lang si Tanya sa kwarto niya. Kakauwi lang kasi niya sa trabaho at nagbibihis pa.“

I smiled, nodding my head.

She walked to the door to the left and knocked. “Tanya, anak, dalian mo d’yan at may bisita ka.”

Not a moment later, the door swung open and there stood Tanya in a pale green duster dress. “Sino pong-” She stopped, mid-sentence when her eyes landed to me. Her eyes widened and her face paled like she’d seen a ghost.

“Hi.” I stood up from my seat, giving her a smile.

She looked at me poker-faced. There was silence, not a comfortable silence but an awful, erie one. “A-ano’ng ginagawa mo dito?”

“I just thought I’d stop by to say hi.” I still managed to pull off a smile even thought I knew she wasn’t too happy to see me.

“Sandali at titignan ko lang ang niluluto ko.” Her mother excused herself and went inside through the cloth that acted as a door to the kitchen.

Tanya slowly walked to where I was standing and we both sat down the couch.

“Paano mong nalaman na dito ako nakatira? “ Tanong niya.

“May kaibigan ako nakatira sa building katabi nito. Nakita kita kanina.” I quietly said.

“Wayne,” She shifted and faced me with deep worry in her face. “Ipangako mo sa akin na hindi mo sasabihin kay nanay ang tungkol sa atin. Wala siyang alam tungkol doon. Hindi niya pwedeng malaman…”

“I won’t, I promise.” I soothingly said, holding her hands in mine.

She showed slight relief on her beautiful face and let out a smile. “Salamat.”

“I just wanted to see how you were doing.” My lips lifted upwards.

“Luto na ang ulam.” Her mother suddenly popped her head out from the cloth and her hands quickly slipped away from mine. Her face reddening in embarrassment only underlined her innocence. “Kumain na tayo at ayain mo na din ang kaibigan mong saluhan tayo sa hapag-kainan.”

“It’s alright. Paalis na din naman ako.” I said. I had already stepped over the boundary we had set between each other and I didn’t want to bother them anymore.

“Masarap ang adobo ni nanay, sigurado akong magugustuhan mo yun.” Tanya flashed a warm, inviting smile at me. The kind of smile that made me want to drop to my knees. “Kumain muna tayo bago ka umuwi. Tikman mo lang.” I couldn’t pass the offer, not when she was smiling at me like that. I knew it would be good. The aroma of it was starting to fill the whole house, making my mouth water.

They invited me to their table. A small foldable table with four chair and sitting on top of it was a big bowl of rice and a caserole of mouth watering adobo. I sat on the seat next to her and across from her mother.

It was the best tasting adobo I had ever tasted and believe me when I say I wasn’t exaggerating it.

“I thought nobody could cook better than you, Tanya, but boy, was I wrong.” I said before bringing another spoonful to my mouth.

Her mother threw us a funny look, looked at me and her, and then smiled. Her name was Esther, okay lang daw na tawagin ko siyang tita Esther. When I first saw her, I thought she was a quiet woman. Given her fragile and gentle appearance but turned out she was chatty and was more than willing to share stories about their life. She told me how when Tanya was little they would sell bananacues together after school. How deeply Tanya loved her father and how hurt she was when he died. She proudly shared to me all of Tanya’s achievements; her winning the spelling bee and math contest, her article being published on the school newspaper, graduating a valedictorian in elementary and a salutatorian in highschool. She obviouly loved and adored Tanya. It was as if she knew everything about her daughter, well, expect one.

Tanya was beautiful and smart, she was exceptinal. A real shame how poverty could push a beautiful, intelligent, talented young woman to prostitution. I wished our paths crossed before she was even listed in the blue book. I could’ve helped her. I could’ve done something.

“Maganda ang anak ko, hindi ba? “ Tita Esther asked with a smile on her face as she looked at her.

She blushed. “Nay, naman!”

“She is. .” I agreed, nodding my head and turning my head to her.Our eyes met she blushed even more and lowered her eyes to her plate.

“Maraming nanliligaw d’yan pati na ang kaibigan niyang si Luis. Pinakiusapan niya ako noon kung pwede bang umakyat ng ligaw kay Tanya.” She said. My teeth grithed when I heard his name. “Sabi ko wala naman masama dahil nasa tamang edad na siya basta ba mabuti ang intensyon nila sa anak ko.”

“Nay, kailangan niyo na pong inumin ang gamot niyo.” She got up and went to get something from the cupboard.

“ Hindi naman ako magagalit kung magkakanobyo siya basta ba ipapangako ng nobyo niya sa akin na hindi niya lolokohin at sasaktan ang anak ko. “ She looked at me intensely, as if implying something. As if the words were for me.

“With a beauty like hers, tanga lang ang mangloloko at mananakit sa kanya.” I said.She smiled at me, I smiled back at her and it was as if a silent agreement had been made, a promise. And I intend to keep that promise.

Ibinaba ni Tanya ang ilang bote ng gamot sa mesa sa harap ni tita Esther. “Nay, ito na po ang mga gamot niyo.”

She took a pill from every bottle and there were eight of them. She downed them all down in one swallow and with a glass of water. I gazed at Tanya, she turned her head to me and quickly and embarrassingly looked away when our eyes locked.

“Pumasok na po kayo sa kwarto niyo nang makapagpahinga na kayo.” She said after tita Esther emptied her glass of water.

“Nakikipagkuwentuhan pa ako kay Wayne at saka maghuhugas pa ako ng pinagkainan natin.” She said.

“Ako na po ang maglilinis dito sa kusina. Magpahinga na po kayo.” T his time she wasn’t asking her, she was demanding.

“Pero hindi pa ako pagod.”

“Nay, hinayaan ko na po na kayong magluto kanina. Kailangan niyo nang magpahinga. Hindi ba sabi ng doktor hindi kayo pwedeng mapagod?” She put a hand to her hip and raised her brows.

The older woman sighed. “O s’ya, s’ya.” She said and walked out of the kitchen.

I got to my feet and started picking up the plates we used from the table. Tanya quickly went up to me to get the plates from my hands but I didn’t let her.

“Wayne, ako na ’yan.” She tried to snatch it from me again.

“No, let me do this.” I stubbornly said as I walked towards the sink.

“ Hindi mo naman kailangan gawin ito saka bisita ka namin.“

“I’m doing this because I want to. “ I smiled.

“Wayne, hindi talaga. Ako na ang maghuhugas niyan.” She said and tried to push me away from the sink but it was as if she was pushing a wall. I laughed, splashing a water to her face and she let out a gasp. She looked at me shock for awhile before she got a handful of water and splashed it to me too. We both laughed at each other’s silliness. After that she gave up and let me wash dishes. She stood next to me, leaning against the counter as she watched me.

“Wala akong ibabayad sa’yo .” Sabi niya. A chuckle rose up my throat.

“ Don’t worry I won’t ask for money. Mag-iisip ako kung ano ang pwedeng ibayad mo sa akin.“ “Gusto mong mag-uwi ng adobo?” She grinned.

“Hell yeah.” I quickly answered.

She took out a plastic container and filled it with tita Esther’s mouth watering adobo. I was done with the dishes and she started drying it with a small towel before putting it back the cupboard.

“You’re mom’s an amazing woman.” I said, chuckling.She smiled, nodding her head.

“Pagpasensyahan mo na lang ang mga sinabi niya kanina.”

“Everything she said is true. I don’t understand why you have to apologize.” I shrugged. “ I like your mother. She’s awesome.“

She laughed. “Mukhang gusto ka din niya. Hindi naman talagang natural na madaldal si nanay pwera na lang kung gusto niya talaga ang kausap niya.” “

“Why was I given a mother like Almira? I wish I had a mother like her instead.” It wasn’t supposed to but it slipped out of my mouth.

Her smile disappeared, she just quietly looked at me. There she was again, looking at me like she had read my soul, like she was digging into the deepest thought in the darkest part of my mind. How I love and hate it at the same time. I tightly shut my eyes, not wanting to give anything away.

“Bakit mo naman nasabi yan?” She asked. I shrugged my shoulders.

“You don’t know my mother. She was…” I sighed. “Ano?” She asked. She didn’t sound like she was just curious. She sounded like somebody who really cared. She sounded like someone who was willing to carry some of my emotional baggage with her. She brought me to the couch and we sat there. She waited until I was ready.

I took in a deep breath. “Almira was a drunk.” I told her about my mother. I told her how she would always drink herself senseless when I was a kid. Everybody thought I had the perfect life. I grew up in a big house, was driven around by luxury cars, went to the most expensive school in the Philippines, we had money that could last us five lifetimes. Everything was just a front, they didn’t know what happens in our house. Dad was always out on ‘business trips’ with Bethany, his business partner then and now his wife. Mom knew about it. It was the elephant in the room, it takes up space but in silence. She never had the courage to bring it up or talk to dad about it so she drowns herself in alcohol. And dad, don’t get me started with him. He believed a person should work for everything, including and especially affection. He was a figure of authority but never a father to me. Back to mom, she was a drunken mess. I never felt like I had parents, we had helpers, lots of them, they tend to my needs but they couldn’t give the affection parents give to their children. In one of Almira’s drunken rumbles, as I was putting her to bed, she told me I was a burden to her. I was twelve then. “You’re a burden to me, do you know that? You are weighing me down. Love is a burden. People are goddamn heavy, all of us. We’re all bags of stones to people who loves us.” And then a week after that, she left. There was no goodbye, no note, no explanation. Just gone. She went away and left her bag of stones, me. She started sending me letters after a month and I never opened it. I ripped her letters to pieces and then burned them. She abandoned me. I never forgave her for that and I never will.

I inhaled another deep breath to keep the tears at bay. Tanya hugged me. She took me into her arms like a little boy. I closed my eyes. Ah, Tanya…

She was my little bubble, my safe place away from the world. She could turn a nightmare into a dream. We fit perfectly into each other. My arms fit perfectly around her waist and her hands completely on my shoulder. I liked the way we fit together. I’d never fit with anyone the way that we did.She kissed my forehead, lovingly.

I looked up at her and she smiled at me.

“Alam ko na kung ano’ng pwede mong ibayad sa akin.” I smiled back at her.

Her brows furrowed, she looked confused.

“A kiss. Pay me with a kiss.” I said.

Her eyes softened back down. Her eyes sees through me, straight into my soul and claimed it as completely as she claimed my heart. She held my face into her hands and pressed her lips on to mine. We kissed passionately, hungrily until she fell to the couch and I on top of her. My tongue swiped over her bottom lip, with a moan her mouth opened and I gladly slipped my tongue in.

My hand slipped up and down the soft curve of her body, finally stopping over her chest. My hand molded perfectly over her breast as we kissed. I gave it a good squeeze, making her moan into my mouth. It went down her side and further down to her thigh. We forgot everything. We forgot we were in their living room, that her mother was just a wall away from us. We were consumed by each other and nothing else existed beside us.

My hand went up her dress and over to that little cotton that covered her sweet pussy. I palmed her through her panties. She writhed under me, gently biting my lower lip at the sensation. Taking a bold move, I pushed her panties aside. I touched her hot and wet folds. It was soft and heavenly. I ran my finger up and down her pussy, stopping at her clit. She froze for a second, I circled my finger over her clit and that was all it took for her to kiss me back again. I massaged her, slow at first but after awhile I started to pick up the pace. Our kiss became deeper, hungrier. We were going wild, devouring each other’s mouth. I brought her to the edge and she shivered under me.

I love her. God, I love her. Even if the only witness to that love are the walls of this room I knew it would never change and that was enough for now. I didn’t care about her past. I didn’t care who was before me, how many they were, I just didn’t care. As long as there will never be any man after me. In a world consumed by firsts, all I wanted was to be her last.

“Tanya.” We heard her mother’s door open, followed by her voice. Mabilis niya akong tinulak mula sa ibabaw niya at nahulog ako sa sahig. Her mother’s door was behind the couch and it was impossible that she saw us. I layed flat on the ground as Tanya fixed herself and sat up.

“Nay, bakit po?” Her voice quivered a little.

“Nandyan pa ba si Wayne?” Tanong niya.

“Umalis na po.” She answered.

“I-lock mo na ang pinto at matulog ka na.” Her mother said before going back in and closing the door.

Chapter Eleven

Tanya’s POV

Nakatingin ako sa whiteboard sa harap ko pero hindi pumapasok sa isip ko ang mga nakasulat doon at ang sinasabi ng prof namin. Si Wayne at ang nangyari sa amin ang umuukupa ng isip ko. Hinayaan ko siyang halikan ako at hawakan ako at hindi dahil napilitan lang ako sa gusto niya. Pwede naman akong humindi kung gusto ko, pwede ko siyang pigilan ng dumampi ang mga labi niya sa akin, nang ihiga niya ako doon. Pero hindi ko nagawa dahil ginusto ko rin iyon.

Kahit kailan, sa tanang ng buhay ko, hindi pa ako nakakaranas ng ganong klaseng emosyon. Noong hinalikan niya ako parang may kung anong kuryenteng dumaloy sa buong katawan ko. Parang kami lang ang tao sa mundo, walang mahalaga kung hindi ang labi niya sa akin at ang paglapat ng mainit niyang katawan sa katawan ko. Mahirap ipaliwanag hangga’t hindi ikaw mismo ang nakakaranas nun.

I have nothing to compare it to dahil siya palang ang tanging lalaking nakahalik sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung ano itong nararamdaman ko o kung normal pa ba ito. Ang alam ko lang kung ano man ito, lalong lumalalim ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya.

Hindi siya katulad ng inaakala ko. Nirespeto niya ako bilang babae kahit na ang alam niya bayaran ako. Kahit hindi naging maganda ang simula namin, alam kong may magandang namumuo kung sa anumang meron kami ngayon. Ganun din kaya ang nararamdaman niya o ako lang ang nakakaramdam nito?

“Tanya.” Mahinang siniko ako ni Edna sa tagiliran dahilan para magising ako sa malalim na pag-iisip.

“Bakit?”

“Halika na, dali na, nagugutom na ako.” Sabi niya at hinatak ako sa braso. Hindi ko napansin na tapos na pala ang klase.

Lumabas na kami ng klase, nakakawit ang isang braso niya sa akin habang naglalakad kami sa corridor ng school at nakikipagsiksikan sa mga estudyanteng lumalabas na din mula sa kani-kanilang klase.

“Nakakopya ka ba ng notes kanina? Ang hirap ng lesson sa literature kanina ah, may essay test pa tayo next meeting.” Sabi ni Edna.

“May test?” Gulat na tanong ko.

“Oo, yan na nga ba ang sinasabi ko. Hindi ka na naman nakikinig. Saan na naman ba lumilipad ang isip mo? Pera na naman ba ang pinoproblema mo?”

“Hindi.” Umiling ako. “Wala naman akong problema ngayon.”

“Eh bakit parang lutang ka na naman kanina. Kilala kita ’no, alam ko kapag may problema ka!”

“Wala nga.” Natatawang sabi ko. Problema bang matatawag ang nararamdaman ko para kay Wayne.

Ngumiti si Edna. “Ay, hindi nga problema ’yan! Iba na yan, Tanya!” Pabirong kinurot niya ako sa tagiliran at lalo akong natawa. “Kinikilig ang lola ko! Ikaw ah, di ka na nagshashare sa akin!”

Hindi ko magawang itago ang ngiti ko kay Edna kahit anong pigil ko.

“Siya ba ang dahilan ng ngiting yan?”

“Sino?”

“Nako, Tanya, wag ka ngang umarte-arte ng ganyan. Hindi bagay.” Pabirong inirapan niya ako. “Si Wayne, sino pa?!”

Lalong lumapad ang ngiti ko. “Ano ka ba? Magkaibigan lang kami.”

“Sus, pang-showbiz yang sagot mo. Magkaibigan! Huwag mo nga akong pinagloloko. Sa tingin at hawak pa lang niya sa’yo, alam mo ng may something.” Sabi ni Edna habang papasok kami sa cafeteria.

Pumila muna kami para bumili ng pagkain at nang makabili na kami, umupo kami sa isang bakanteng mesa.

“So ano na nga? Mag-MU na ba kayo? Kayo na ba? Ano?” Pilit na tanong niya pa rin habang tinutusok-tusok ang macaroni spaghetti na inorder niya ng tinidor.

Nababuntong-hininga ako. Hindi ko siya masagot dahil kahit ako hindi ko alam kung ano ang meron kami ni Wayne. “Magkaibigan nga lang kami.” May ganong klaseng pagkakaibigan ba? May magkaibigan bang naghahalikan? Tanong ko sa sarili ko. Pakiramdam ko nagsisinungaling ako kay Edna pero wala naman akong maisip na iba pang pwedeng itawag sa kung anumang meron kami. Ayaw kong mag-assume dahil baka pati ako maniwala kung sasabihin kong mas higit pa sa kaibigan ang meron kami ngayon. Ayaw ko naman umasa. Alam ko naman kung ano at hanggang saan lang ako kay Wayne.

“Pero Edna, naranasan mo na ba yung palaging sumasagi sa isip mo ang isang tao? Tapos kapag iniisip mo na siya hindi na siya matanggal tanggal sa isip mo kahit anong pilit mo?” Tanong ko dahil gusto kong malaman kung normal pa ba ito? Gusto kong masiguro na hindi lang ako ang nakakaramdam ng ganito? I was confused because this was all new to me.

“Sabi na eh!” Pinitik niya ang daliri niya. “Inlababo ka na! May magkaibigan-magkaibigan ka pang nalalaman! Nek nek mo!”

“Normal lang ba yun?”

“Sa taong in love, malaking oo!” Sagot niya. “Ibig sabihin ba niyan, gusto mo na si Wayne?”

Dahan-dahan akong tumango na medyo nag-aalinlangan pa.

“Hindi naman kita masisisi ’no! Kahit ako halos malaglag ang panty ko nang makita ko siya saka ang ganda ng kotse niya ah!”

“Hindi ko naman siya nagustuhan dahil sa gwapo siya o dahil sa kotse niya.” Mabilis na sabi ko.

“Alam ko naman yun. Ilang gwapong lalaki at mayamang lalaki na ang nanligaw sa’yo pero hindi mo sila pinansin pero bakit si Wayne? Bakit ang bilis mong nagkagusto sa kanya? Bakit hindi kay Luis na ilang taon ng patay na patay sa’yo?”

“Alam mo naman na kaibigan lang ang tingin ko kay Luis.” Napabuntong-hininga ako. “Hindi ko din alam kung bakit si Wayne. Kahit ako nalilito pa din ako sa nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. Sa tingin mo, posible din kayang magkagusto siya sa katulad ko?”

“Katulad mo? Bakit ano ba ka? Maganda ka naman, mabait, matalino! Kung lalaki lang ako alam mo niligawan na din kita.” Natatawang sabi sa akin ni Edna. “Kaya nga hindi ko masisisi si Luis kung halos halikan niya na ang lupang tinatapakan mo.”

“Grabe ka naman!”

“Speaking of the devil.” Sabi niya habang nakatingin sa likuran ko. Pinihit ko ang ulo ko sa direksyon kung saan siya nakatingin at nakita kong nakatayo doon si Luis. “Hi, Luis. Upo ka.”

“Hindi na. Nagmamadali ako.” Malamig ang tonong sabi niya. Tumingin muna siya sa akin, tinapunan ako ng kasing lamig na titig, bago naglakad palayo sa amin. Nagkatinginan kami ni Edna.

“Narinig niya kaya tayo?” Tanong ni Edna.

Napakagat ako sa pang-ibabang labi ko, baka nga narinig niya kami. Ayaw kong saktan si Luis dahil kaibigan ko siya. Kahit paulit-ulit kong sabihin sa kanya na hindi na lalagpas sa pagkakaibigan ang relasyon namin, kahit sinasabi niya sa akin na tanggap niya iyon alam kong higit pa sa pagkakaibigan ang gusto niya. Alam kong umaasa pa din siya. Palagi niyang pinakikita at pinararamdam sa akin iyon. Walang ginawa si Luis kung hindi maging mabuting kaibigan sa akin. Kahit totoo ang mga narinig niya, he doesn’t deserve to hear all those.

Tumayo ako mula sa kinauupuan ko at sinundan siya. “Luis.” Tawag ko sa kanya ng ilang hakbang na lang ang layo ko mula sa kanya.

Humarap siya sa akin. Walang bakas ng emosyon sa mukha niya. “Alam mo naman na isa ka sa mga itinuturing kong best friend ko.”

Tumawa siya ng mahina at parang sarkastiko. “Alam ko naman yun. Hindi mo na kailangan paulit-ulit na ipamukha sa akin. Paano na lang kayo kung kasing gwapo at kasing yaman ako ng mokong na iyon? Kaibigan pa rin ba ang magiging tingin mo sa akin?”

“Luis, hindi naman importante sa akin iyon.” Pilit kong ikinakalma ang sarili ko kahit masakit na ang mga sinasabi dahil alam kong galit lang lang siya kaya niya sinasabi iyon. Walang mangyayari kung sasabyan ko ang galit niya ng galit din.

“Hindi nga ba?” Tumaas ang isang sulok ng labi niya. Ibubuka ko pa lang ang bibig ko para magsalita ng tumalikod siya sa akin at tuloy tuloy na naglakad palayo. Tinawag ko siya pero hindi siya lumingon sa akin.

Wayne’s POV

It was seven o’clock, the end of her shift. I had been sitting here on the booth next to the window, waiting for her, when she got out of the staff’s room already wearing a light blue tee, a pair of denim capri pants, and her usual worn out white sneakers. She smiled at me and I smiled back at her.

The memory of what had happened in her apartment overwhelmed all my senses. I was a drowning man sinking under her spell more and more each day. Never had I planned to get this close and to care this deeply for her but things just don’t happen the way you want it to. That night I realized that I love her. And for the first time in my life I didn’t feel threatened by those words. I didn’t want to fight against what I was feeling for her anymore.

I got to my feet as she stopped in front of me. “Hey.”

“Hi.” She softly spoke. “Kanina ka pa ba?”

“I just got here. Ready to go?”

She didn’t ask where we were going. She just smiled and nodded her head. I knew she was already starting to trust me and get comfortable with me. She knew I would never do anything to her that she doesn’t want.

It took me thirty minutes to drive to a quiet and secluded spot overlooking Manila’s skyline. It was peaceful and dark here, the view of the twinkling light from the city’s skyline looked beautiful from where we were. It seemed like the rest of the world was far away, like stars in the sky. Tanya was my bubble, my safe place away from the world and I’d like to keep it that way.

I leaned aginst my car and Tanya was leaning against me, with her back on my chest. We were silent for awhile, just watching the world below us. I needed her here beside me, always, to gently wash away the day by making me focus on nothing but how she makes me feel. I wouldn’t trade nights like this for anything else. I wouldn’t fill in the silence of our voices without anything but the sound of her truth. I would never get tired of being filled by her.

“Yung nangyari sa bahay…” She fidgeted nervously and started playing with her hands, a habit she has when she’s anxious.

“I’m sorry I guess I got too carried away but I told you I’m not going to do anything you wouldn’t want me to do. Hindi magbabago iyon dahil sa nangyari.”

“Bakit ginagawa mo ito?” She turned to face me.

“Ginagawa ang alin?” My brows furrowed.

“Bakit ganito ang trato mo sa akin? Alam naman natin pareho na…” She swallowed. “Na bayarang babae ako. Pwede mong gawin kahit anong gusto mo sa akin.”

nipped her chin between my thumb and forefinger and lifted her face up so she could look at me straight in the eyes. “Tanya, I don’t want to be a part of something you will regret.”

Her eyes watered as she forced a smile. “Wayne.”

My head lowered to hers. She didn’t move away or flinch. She just closed her eyes. She wanted it too as much as I did. I kissed her and she kissed me back. I knew from the way her lips softly graze against mine, from the slowness in exchange of our breaths as we kiss, I knew because it felt natural and humble and clean. From the moment our lips first touched, I knew that this was how it was meant to be. Being beside her was how it was always supposed to be. I knew I was in love with her.

You couldn’t just fall in love with one part of the person and throw out the rest that you don’t want. I fell in love with the whole of her, the depth of her… I learned that If you fall in love with someone, you love the broken part of that person too, the fractured pieces. I fell in love with who she was before, who she is now, all her struggles, her impurities, her regrets, her dreams. I fell in love with what she was missing, what she had lost, and what she was still holding on to. I fell in love with everything that makes up of her. When you fall in love, it wouldn’t make sense but you won’t be afraid.

We were both panting for air when I released her. I pulled her closer against my body and she rested her head on my chest. Now I understood how someone could make you feel things you didn’t know could be felt. Most people say they lose themselves in a kiss but everytime we kiss, it was as if I had found myself the moment our lips met. It felt like she took me apart and put me back together with that kiss.

“Tanya.” I whispered. “I love you.”

“Ano?” Tumaas ang ulo niya para tignan ako.

“Mahal na kita.” I said.

“Wayne, ano ba yang mga sinasabi mo?” She let out a nervous chuckle before pulling away from me. “Hindi magandang biro yan.”

“Mukha ba ’kong nagbibiro?” My brows furrowed as I looked at her intensely.

She straightened, her face turned serious. “Alam mo ba kung ano ang mga sinasabi mo? Alam mo kung ano ako. Bakit ka naman magkakagusto sa akin?”

“Bakit hindi? You’re a woman and you deserve to be treated with love and respect.”

“Wayne, baka nabibigla ka lang. Hindi mo naman kailangan sabihin yun, alam ko kung hanggang saan lang ako.”

I shook my head. “No, I’m sure of what I feel for you. I’ve never been this sure about anything in my life.”

“Hindi ako bagay sa’yo.” She softly said, looking down at her feet.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Marami ka pang makikilalang babaeng-”

“No, don’t try to convince me that there’s more out there, you’re all I want.”

“Pero Wayne… Binabayaran mo lang ako-”

“Tanya, listen, I want to give you everything. When it comes to you I don’t need anything else but your presence. You mean more to me than money. I want to give you everything you want and I don’t want you to be afraid to ask for it.”

“Bakit ako?” She looked completely bewildered.

“Ano’ng bakit? I don’t know why! I love you for no reason except you happened to be you.” Those words exploded right out of my mouth before I could even realize what I was saying. There was no turning back. I cupped her in my hands. “Tanya, I love you without reason, without motive, without having to gain anything.”

She avoided my gaze. “Ayaw kong magkasakitan lang tayo sa huli.”

“I won’t ever hurt you, Tanya. That’s the last thing I would want to do.” I softly, gently and carefully said. I held her face firmer, pulling her eyes back to mine. “Do you believe me?”

“Hindi ko alam.” She softly said, almost inaudible. “Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong maramdaman o kung ano ang sasabihin ko.”

“Tell me you love me. Tell me you love me without consequences or doubts, without holding back. Tell me and I’ll believe you.” I said, almost desperately.

She took in a deep breath, looking straight into my eyes. Her eyes were already intoxicating without having to down a single drop of alcohol. I was drunk off the way her gaze found me in all the right places. “I love you, Wayne.”

---

Guys panooring niyo yung video ni Wayne at Tanya sa taas. Ang cute! ^_^

Thank you  thebookishbaby for making the awesome video!!!

Chapter Twelve

Tanya’s POV

“I love you, Wayne.” Those words flowed naturally from my lips. Hindi ko sinabi iyon dahil iyon ang gusto niyang marinig, sinabi ko iyon kasi iyon ang totoong nararamdaman ko. Kahit ano’ng tago ko hindi ko pwedeng itanggi ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. Mahal ko na siya.

Ikinulong niya ang mukha ko sa mga palad niya at napilitan akong tumingin ng diretso sa mga mata niya. Naramdaman ko ang pamumuo ng luha sa mga mata ko habang nakatingin ako sa kanya. Hindi ko maipaliwanag ang nararamdaman ko pero parang gustong sumabog ng dibdib ko. Hindi nagsisinungaling ang mga mata niya. Pareho ang mga sinasabi ng mga ito at ng bibig Nina.

“Promise me, ako lang.” Halos pabulong na sabi niya. “Ako lang ang huli.”

“Ikaw lang.” Basag ang boses na sabi ko at bumagsak na luha sa mata ko. Sa mga oras na iyon, alam kong siya lang talaga. Siya ang unang lalaking minahal ko at siya rin ang huli.

Kasunod nun ay ang paglapat ng mga labi niya sa akin. Pinikit ko ng mariin ang mga mata ko at tinugon ko ang halik niya. Kusang pumulupot ang mga bisig ko sa leeg niya at kinabig siya. Naglapat ang mga katawan namin at ramdam na ramdam ko ang init na nanggagaling sa katawan niya. Ramdam ko kung gaano kalambot ang mga labi niya, ang hininga niya sa bibig ko, ramdam ko ang pagdaloy ng kuryente sa buong katawan ko, ang lalong pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko.

Mahal ko siya at mahal niya ako. Walang halong baka, walang halong bakit, walang halong dahil. Iyon lang ang mahalaga ngayon.

Bumaba ang mga kamay niya sa baywang ko at maingat niya akong inangat paupo sa hood ng kotse niya. Hinarang niya ang katawan niya sa pagitan ng mga hita ko at ipinulupot niya iyon sa katawan niya. Naramdaman ko sa bahaging iyon ang pagnanasang nararamdaman niya. Ang paglapat ng matigas na bagay na iyon sa kaselanan ko, tanging ang mga telang suot namin ang humaharang dito. Ang hindi maipaliwanag na init na nararamdaman ko mula doon, katulad ng init na naramdaman ko noong hinawakan niya ako sa parteng iyon.

Hindi niya hiniwalay ang mga labi niya sa akin. May kumawalang ungol galing sa bibig ko ng tumaas ang isang kamay niya at pumasok sa suot kong pang-itaas. Tumigil ito sa ibabaw ng dibdib ko at kahit may tela pa sa pagitan ng palad niya at dibdib ko nararamdaman ko pa rin ang init ng mga palad niya na parang tumatagos hanggang sa kaluluwa ko. Marahan niyang hinaplos ang dibdib ko at bahagyang pinisil iyon, lalo kong iniliyad ang katawan ko sa kanya na ngayon ay lunod na lunod na sa kakaibang sensasyon na ipinararamdaman niya sa akin.

Ibinaba niya ang cup ng bra ko at parang may dumaloy na bolta-boltaheng kuryente sa katawan ko ng hawak niya ang dibdib ko. He cupped my bare breast. Naglaro ang daliri niya sa tuktok ng dibdib ko at lalong napaliyad ang katawan ko. Handa na akong ibigay ang sarili ko sa kanya n g buong-buo kasama pati ang puso ko.

Pareho kaming nagulat ng may tumamang nakakasilaw na liwanag sa mukha namin. Naghiwalay ang mga labi namin at pareho kaming napatingin sa liwanag. Isang lalaking naka-uniporme na may na flashlight.

“Ano’ng ginagawa niyo dito? Private property ’to. Sa ibang lugar niyo na lang dalhin yan.” Sabi ng lalaki.

“Pasensya na, paalis na din kami.” Kaswal na sabi ni Wayne habang inilalabas ang kamay niya mula sa ilalim ng suot kong pangtaas. Parang gusto kong maglaho sa sobrang hiya. Nakita kami ng lalaki. Ibinaon ko ang mukha ko sa dibdib niya.

“Sige, pagbalik ko dito, wala na kayo.” Sabi ng lalaki bago umiling-iling. “Hay, mga bata talaga ngayon…”

Wayne’s body shook in silent laughter. Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya at hindi niya na napigil ang pagtawa niya. Pabirong pinalo ko siya sa dibdib at hindi ko na din napigil ang mapangiti. Hinalikan niya ako sa noo bago niya inipit ang baba ko sa mga daliri niya at inangat ang mukha ko para bigyan ng isang mabilis na halik sa labi.

“Tara na.” Bulong niya habang magkadikit pa rin ang mga labi namin.

Inayos ko ang panloob ko at inalalayan niya ako papasok sa kotse. He started the car and we drove off. Hindi niya sinabi kung saan kami pupunta at hindi din naman ako nagtanong. Hindi na ako natatakot sa kung anuman ang mangyari sa amin ngayong gabi. Sigurado akong mahal ko siya at gusto ko na ibigay ang sarili ko sa kanya.

Huminto muna kami sa isang restaurant at umorder siya ng takeout. Nagulat na lang ako ng ihinto niya ang kotse niya sa harap ng compound namin. Ang akala ko dadalhin niya ako sa condo niya. Ipinarada niya ang kotse niya sa gilid ng kalsada at lumabas. Naiwan ako sa loob ng kotse. I was confused. Binuksan ni Wayne ang pinto ng kotse kung nasaan ako nakaupo at kinuha ang kamay ko. Pumasok kami sa gate ng compound at umakyat sa apartment. Inilabas ko ang susi mula sa bag ko at binuksan ang pinto papasok sa apartment namin.

“Tanya?” Narinig ko ang boses ni nanay mula sa kusina. Hinawi niya ang kurtinang nakatabing doon at lumabas siya. Agad na huminto ang mga mata niya kay Wayne na nakatayo sa likod ko.

“Good evening po.” Magalang na bati niya.

Ngumiti si nanay. “May bisita pala tayo. Tamang-tama magluluto na ako ng hapunan. Kumakain ka ba ng tortang talong?”

“May dala po akong pagkain.” Sabi niya at inangat ang isang kamay na hawak ang ilang plastic ng pagkain na binili niya kanina sa restaurant.

“Naku hindi ka na sana nag-abala.” Sabi ni nanay.

“Binili ko po talaga para sa inyo ’to.” Ngumiti siya. It made him looked more charming. “Huwag na po kayong magluto. Ito na lang kainin natin.”

Tinulungan niyang maghain si nanay ng mga plato at kutsara’t tinidor sa mesa. Pangalawang beses pa lang silang nagkikita pero magkasundo na sila. Nagbibiruan na nga sila. Sabi ni nanay na kaya siguro siya bumili ng pagkain sa restaurant kasi hindi niya gusto ang pagkain dito. Sabi naman ni Wayne nahihiya lang siyang pumunta dito ng wala man lang dala.

“Sinundo ko lang po si Tanya kanina at namasyal lang kami. Magdidinner po sana kami sa labas pero naisip ko na dito na lang kumain.” Sagot ni Wayne habang kumakain na kami. Tumingin siya sa akin at may naglalarong pilyong ngiti sa mga labi niya na parang pinaaalala niya sa akin ang nangyari kanina. Nasamid ako sa nginunguya kong pagkain at nagbaba ng tingin. Naramdaman kong nag-init ang magkabilang pisngi ko ng maalala iyon.

“Umamin ka. Ikaw ba, Wayne, nililigawan mo ang anak ko o kayo na?” Biglang sumeryoso ang boses ni nanay.

Muli akong nag-angat ng tingin. Wayne suddenly looked tensed at dinaan niya na lang iyon sa tensyonadong tawa.

“Nay!” Gulat na sabi ko sa tanong niya.


“Nagtatanong lang ako.” Sabi naman ni nanay bago ibinalik ang atensyon kay Wayne. “Nasa tamang edad na kayo at hindi ko kayo pipigilan sa kung anuman relasyon ang meron kayo. May tiwala ako sa anak ko dahil mula pagkabata pa lang itinuro ko sa kanya kung ano ang tama at mali. Wayne, isa lang ang hihilingin ko sa’yo, respetuhin mo ang anak ko bilang babae. Ang pagmamahal pwedeng mawala, pero ang respeto yan ang hinding-hindi dapat mawala sa isang relasyon.”

Tumango si Wayne. “Mahal ko po ang anak niyo at nirerespeto ko po siya. Wala po kayong dapat ipag-alala.” Sabi niya bago tumingin sa akin. Hindi ako makapaniwalang sinabi niya iyon sa harap ni nanay.

Muling ngumiti si nanay. “Iyon lang ang gusto kong marinig mula sa’yo. Alam mo bang unang kilala ko pa lang sa’yo, gusto na kita para sa anak ko?”

Ngiti lang ang isinagot ni Wayne bago siya tumingin sa akin. Ngumiti din ako sa kanya. Nagpatuloy sila sa kuwentuhan nila habang kumakain kami. Nang matapos kami sa pagkain, palagay na sila sa isa’t isa.

Tinulungan ako ni Wayne na magligpit ng pinagkainan namin. Sinubukan ko siyang pigilan pero nagpumilit pa rin siya. Ako ang naghugas ng plato at siya ang nagligpit sa mesa. Pagkatapos ay pinainom ko na si nanay ng gamot niya bago siya pumasok sa kwarto niya para tapusin ang pinatatahing kurtina ng kapitbahay namin.

“Bakit dito mo ko dinala?” Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili kong tanungin sa kanya. He had the chance na dalhin ako sa condo niya at tapusin doon ang nasimulan na namin.

“Kasi gusto kitang ihatid.” Kibit-balikat na sabi niya.

“Alam mo ang ibig kong sabihin, Wayne.”

Nagpakawala siya ng malalim na buntong-hininga bago tumitig sa akin. “I don’t want you to think that sex is all I’m after. I meant what I said earlier, Tanya. Hindi iyon ang habol ko sa’yo. What you did in the past doesn’t define who you are and I don’t want you to carry it all throughout your life. I don’t want you to think of yourself like that. I want to give you back everything you never wanted to give. I don’t want you to ever be afraid to give your heart to me. I promise that it’ll be in good hands. I promise your love will always be safe with me.”

“Wayne…” Parang may kung anong nakabara sa lalamunan ko nang subukan kong pigilin ang luha ko.

“Tanya.” Pumulupot ang isang bisig niya sa baywang ko at kinabig niya ako palapit sa kanya. Idinantay niya ang noo niya sa noo ko at humugot ng malalim na hininga. “You don’t know how crazy you make me feel. You do shit to my insides that nobody else has ever come close to doing.”

Nanatili kami sa ganung posisyon, yakap lang ang isa’t isa. Pinakikiramdaman ko lang ang pagtaas at baba ng dibdib niya ang mainit niyang hininga at ang katawan niyang nakalapat sa akin. Hindi namin kailangan mag-usap, hindi namin kailangan ng salita. Sapat na ang mga iyon upang maipahiwatig ang anuman ang gustong sabihin ng mga labi namin. When we’re together, I feel like words were useless.

Dinampian niya ako ng halik sa noo bago niya ako pinakawalan sa yakap niya. “I have to go.”

Pilit akong ngumiti. “Mag-ingat ka.”

May kinuha siya mula sa bulsa niya at inilagay sa mga palad ko. Nagbaba ako ng tingin at parang hinatak ako mula sa fairytale pabalik sa realidad.

Umiling ako. “Wayne, hindi-” Hindi na isang kliyente ang tingin ko sa kanya.

“Keep it. Hindi ganun ang tingin ko sa’yo, Tanya, pero alam kong ginagawa mo ito para sa nanay mo. Isipin mo na lang tulong ko na sa inyo yan. You need that more than I do.”

“Wayne, hindi ko talaga matatanggap ito.”

“Tanya, it’s alright.” Marahan na sabi niya. “Taking that won’t make me think any less of you. Nothing ever will. Remember that, okay?”

Dinampian niya ako ng isang marahang halik sa labi. “Good night, Tanya.”

“Good night.” Sagot ko.

Hinatid ko siya hanggang sa pinto at pinanood ko siya habang naglalakad siya palayo.

“Wayne…” Tawag ko sa kanya.

Lumingon siya sa akin.

“I love you.” Sabi ko bago isinara ang pinto ng apartment at parang nanghihinang sumandal doon. Ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko pero ang sarap sa pakiramdam tuwing sinasabi ko sa kanya iyon.

Katatapos ko lang maligo ng mag-ring ang cellphone ko at hindi ko naiwasang kiligin ng makita ang pangalan ni Wayne doon. Agad kong sinagot iyon.

“Hello?”

“Say it again.” Agad na bunggad niya.

“Ano?”

“Say it again.” Ulit niya. “Ulitin mo yung sinabi mo kanina.”

“Ano ba yung sinabi ko?” Malapad ang ngiting tanong ko.

Narinig ko ang mahinang pagtawa niya. “Come on, sweetheart, I want to hear you say it.”

I chuckled silently. “I love you.”

“That’s my good girl.” Rinig ko sa boses niya ang ngiti niya. “I love you, too.”

Parang may isang libong paru-parong lumilipad sa tiyan ko nang sabihin niya iyon.

Regular kaming nagkikita ni Wayne sa mga nakalipas na araw. Palagi niya akong sinusundo sa trabaho at sa eskwelahan at palagi niya rin akong hinahatid sa amin. Minsan sumasabay din siyang maghapunan sa bahay. Sabi naman ni nanay gusto niya si Wayne para sa akin. Tinanong din niya sa akin kung mag-ano ba kami pero hindi ko naman alam kung anong dapat kong isagot dahil hindi naman namin napapag-usapan iyon. Ang alam ko lang mahal ko siya at sabi niya mahal niya din ako.

Katulad ng sinabi niya kay nanay, nirespeto niya ako bilang babae. He doesn’t treat me like a paid prostitute. Hinahalikan niya ako pero palaging may limitasyon. Ramdam ko rin ang pagpigil niya sa sarili niya. Alam kong mahirap para sa kanya ang magpigil pero ginagawa pa rin niya.

“Tanya.” Tawag sa akin ng isang pamilyar na boses habang naglalakad ako papunta sa library. Napalingon ako at nakita si Luis. Seryoso at madilim ang mukha niya. Hindi ko na nakikita si Luis mula noong nangyari sa canteen. Hindi na din siya sumasama sa amin ni Edna. Naging mailap na siya, lumayo na siya sa amin.

“Luis.” Nakangiting sabi ko. “Ngayon na lang ulit kita nakita. Palagi ka namin hinahanap ni Edna.”

“Palagi din kitang nakikitang sinusundo ng lalaking iyon.” Walang bakas ng kahit anong emosyong sa boses niya katulad ng mukha niya. Huminto siya sa harap ko. “Magkano, Tanya?”

Parang nanuyo ang lalamunan ko sa tanong niya at napalunok ako. “A-ano’ng ibig mong sabihin?”

“Magkano ibinabayad niya sa’yo para maikama ka?” Tumaas ang isang sulok ng labi niya.

My hands folded into fists. Parang nahulog ang puso ko sa tiyan ko. Parang naubusan ako ng hininga sa sinabi niya.

“Hindi ko alam ang sinasabi mo.” Tanggi ko bago ako tumalikod sa kanya. Gusto kong tumakbo palayo pero bago ko nagawa iyon, nagsalita siya. At parang pinagbagsakan ako ng langit at lupa sa sinabi niya.

“Alam ko ang tungkol sa blue book.”

Chapter Thirteen

Tanya’s POV

Pabalang na ibinagsak ni Luis ang libro sa mesa sa harap ko. Nagbaba ako ng ulo ng maramdaman ko ang namumuong luha sa mga mata ko. Gusto kong maglaho sa kinauupuan ko ngayon. Alam niya na ang tungkol sa blue book, nakita niya ako doon.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko, kung aamin ba ako o itatanggi ko na ako ang babae sa librong iyon. Nag-angat ulit ako ng tingin kay Luis na tahimik na nakatayo sa likod ng mesa at matalim ang mga matang nakatitig sa akin. Iba ang tingin niya sa akin, para bang diring-diri siya. Gusto kong manliit sa sarili ko.

Marahas na binuksan niya ang libro at halos mapunit na ang ilang pahina. Huminto siya sa page kung saan nakalagay ang picture ko.

“Ikaw ba yan?” Matalim ang boses na tanong niya.

“Luis.” Nakikiusap na sabi ko.

“Ikaw ba yan, Tanya?!” Tumaas ang boses niya.

Pinikit ko ang mga mata ko para pigilan ang pagtulo ng mga luha ko at napasandal ako sa kinauupuan ko. Parang bigla akong naubusan ng lakas. “Wala na akong maisip na ibang paraan. Natanggalan ako ng scholarship at kailangan ko ng pera pangbili ng mga gamot ni nanay.”

“Yung lalaking palagi mong kasama, binabayaran ka niya?” Tumigas ang ekspresyon ng mukha ni Luis.

May hikbing kumawala sa lalamunan ko ng tumango ako. Yun naman talaga ang totoo. Kahit pagbalibaliktarin mo, binabayaran pa rin ako ni Wayne.

Napakislot ako ng magmura si Luis. Ngayon ko lang siya nakitang magalit at narinig na magmura. At sa totoo lang, natatakot na ako.

“Mas malala ka pa pala sa iniisip ko. Hindi ka lang pala gold digger, puta ka din pala.” Tagis bang na sabi niya.

Para akong sinuntok sa sikmura sa sinabi niya. Alam ko naman kung anong trabaho ang pinasok ko pero masakit pa rin na marinig iyon galing sa kaibigan mo. Ilang taon kaming naging magkaibigan ni Luis, di ko inaasahan na sa kanya manggagaling ang mga masasakit na salita na yun.

Ibinaon ko ang mukha ko sa mga palad ko at hindi ko na napigilan ang pag-iyak ko. Ilang minuto naghari ang katahimik. Wala akong narinig kung hindi ang tahimik na pag-iyak ko.

“Alam ba ni tita Esther ’to?” Tanong ni Luis.

Agad akong nag-angat ng tingin sa kanya. Bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko ng banggitin niya ang pangalan ni nanay. Sunod-sunod akong umiling. “Hindi niya alam, wala siyang alam dito.”

“Kailangan niyang malaman ’to.” Seryosong sabi niya.

Nag-panic ako. “Hindi! Hindi pwedeng malaman ni nanay ’to!” Kinuha ko ang isang kamay niya at hinawakan ito. Tinitigan ko siya ng diretso. “Nakikiusap ako sa’yo, Luis. May sakit si nanay. Baka di niya kayanin pag nalaman niya.”

Lumambot ang mukha ni Luis, tumaas ang isa pa niyang kamay at hinawakan niya ang pisngi ko. “Tanya…” Halos pabulong na sabi niya. He lightly stroked my cheek. “Alam mo naman hindi ako makakahindi sa’yo.” Bumaba ang palad niya sa leeg niya at parang tumayo ang mga balahibo ko sa paraan ng paghaplos niya sa akin. Huminto iyon sa ibabaw ng balikat ko at pinisil niya iyon. “Sana ganun ka din sa akin.”

“Luis…” Dahan-dahan kong binitawan ang kamay niya na hawak ko.

“Naghintay ako sa’yo. Halos sambahin na nga kita eh.” Ngumiti siya pero iba ang ngiting iyon. Nangungutya. “Kung alam ko lang na pera lang pala ang katapat mo, sana di ko na ako nag-aksaya ng panahon sa panliligaw sa’yo. Magkano ba ang isang gabi mo?”

Natutop ko ang bibig ko ng ma realize ko ang ibig niyang sabihin. “Luis, ayoko…” I shrugged his other hand away from my shoulder.

“Babayaran naman kita.” Madilim ang mukhang sabi niya. “O gusto mo pang malaman ng nanay mo ang ginagawa mo.”

“Please, Luis, huwag ganito.” Pakiusap ko sa kanya.

“Pumili ka, sasama ka sa akin? O malalaman ni tita Esther?” Tumaas ang isang sulok ng labi niya.

Pabilis ng pabilis ang tibok ng puso ko sa bawat hakbang ng makitid ng pasilyong iyon. Ilang pinto na ang nadadaanan namin. Isa… dalawa… tatlo… I had never been scared like this my whole. Kahit na noong una kaming magkita ni Wayne sa restaurant. Mas natatakot ako ngayong kasama ko si Luis dito sa loob ng motel. Natatakot akong huminto kami sa isa sa mga pintong iyon. Sana tumigil ang oras. Bawat hakbang, parang unti-unting pinipiga ang dibdib ko.

Wayne… Biglang siyang pumasok sa isip ko. I wanted it to be with him. Gusto ko siya lang at wala ng iba.

Dumating na ang kinatatakutan ko. Huminto si Luis sa isa sa mga pinto at ipinasok ang susi doon. Para akong binuhos ng yelo at nanlamig ang buong katawan ko. Parang sasabog ang puso ko sa sobrang bilis nito at ang mga paa ko, gustong tumakbo palayo.

Pumasok si Luis sa kwarto at tahimik na tinitigan ako ng hindi ako sumunod sa kanya. Parang napako ang mga paa ko sa kinatatayuan ko.

Sana biglang dumating si Wayne at hatakin ako palabas dito sa lugar na ito. But it was all wishful thinking. Alam kong sa totoong buhay, hindi mangyayari iyon. Ni wala nga siyang alam na nandito ako ngayon.

Kinuha ni Luis ang kamay ko at pwersahang hinatak ako papasok sa kwarto. Nanigas ang buong katawan ko sa takot ng isara niya ang pinto sa likod ko. Para akong nakulong sa hawla kasama ang isang leon.

“Huwag kang umarte na parang hindi mo ’to ginagawa.” Nakasimangot na sabi ni Luis.

“Hindi namin ’to ginagawa.” Tanggi ko at naramdaman ko na naman ang pamumuo ng luha ko. At iyon ang parehong bagay na pinagsisisihan ko, hindi namin ito nagawa. Akala ko si Wayne ang magiging una ko sa lahat. Akala ko siya ang unang lalaking pagbibigyan ko ng sarili ko.

“Matagal na akong nagpakagago sa’yo, Tanya.” Lalong dumilim ang mukha niya. “Hanggang ngayon ba maggagaguhan pa tayo?”

“Luis, ayokong gawin ’to. Nagmamakaawa ako sa’yo.” Nangingig ang boses na pakiusap ko. Pero nanatiling matigas ang ekspresyon ng mukha niya.

Hinawakan niya ako sa baba at bumaba ang ulo niya sa akin pero bago dumampi ang mga labi niya sa labi ko, pinihit ko ang ulo ko para hindi niya ako mahalikan. Dumampi ang mga labi niya sa pisngi ko at doon pa lang, nandidiri na ako.

Hindi ko kayang gawin ’to.

Binigyan niya ako ng maliliit na halik sa pisngi pababa sa panga. Gusto kong masuka sa ginagawa niya. Nandidiri ako sa kanya. Gumapang ang mga kamay niya pataas sa butones ng suot kong uniform.

Mariin kong ipinikit ang mga mata ko at kusang tumulo ang luha ko. Baka pagpinikit ko ang mga mata ko, pwedeng kong isipin na si Wayne ang kasama ko at hindi siya. Maybe I could imagine it was Wayne who was kissing me and maybe, just maybe, it might work.

Chapter Fourteen

Wayne’s POV

I waited for Tanya for over an hour outside her school but I never saw her. I tried calling her on the phone but she wouldn’t pick it up, the second time I tried calling, her phone was already off. I felt queasy. That wasn’t something Tanya would do. I had a got feeling that something was terribly wrong.

I went to their apartment to check if Tanya was there but her mother told me she still hadn’t gone home. I even went to the fast food chain where she works but she wasn’t there. I was worried as fuck it made me sick to my stomach. This was bad. I didn’t know where on earth she was and I couldn’t contact her.

I thought about calling the police but decided to wait an hour. If I still couldn’t contact her or she still wasn’t in her home, I’d have to call the authorities. I decided to head back home to fix myself some dinner and take a shower, hoping it would help clear my tensed mind and relax it a bit.

The elevator door to my floor opened. I massaged my temples, willing the pressure in my head to clear. Her phone probably just died, she probably just went out with her friends and she forgot that I was going to pick her up. I tried to think of logical, positive reasons but this had never happened before.

As I was walking down the hallway to my unit, I saw a figure sitting in a fetal position next to my door. The figure was all too familiar to me. It was Tanya. I felt relief like I had never felt it before. I felt like the pressure on my body had been lifted. She was hugging her legs to her chest and her head was buried into her knees.

“Tanya?” I softly said.

Her head shot up. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying.

“Angel, where have you been?” I asked worriedly as I walked towards her and knelt down in front of her. “I was so worried about you. Don’t you ever do that again.”

She didn’t say anything. Her arms flew around my neck, she buried her face in my chest and cried. I held her in my arms and stroked her hair.

“Tanya, what happened?” I whispered in her ear.

She lifted her head up, cupped my face and pressed her lips against mine. I was a bit surprised but soon enough, I was responding to her kiss. She took one of my hand and lifted it to her breast.

“Hawakan mo ’ko.” She whispered against my lips, arching her back, pressing her breast more firmly against my hand.

“Tanya…” I breathed out. I didn’t know what prompted her desperation for me but I loved it.

“Please, Wayne.” She panted.

I took her in my arms and carried her inside without breaking our kiss. I gently laid her down my bed and I fell on top of her. I pulled away from the kiss to take in a deep breath of air and gently leaned my forehead against hers. We were both panting for air. The need for me radiating from her eyes sent bolt or pure arousal to my length and I couldn’t make her wait even if I wanted to.

My hand went to the button of her blouse and began the slow, sensual process of unfastening each one until she was left with only her white cotton bra. She lifted my shirt over my head, helping out of it. Then her eyes lowered to my bare chest. Innocent curiosity flicked across her eyes as she lifted her hand up to me. Her fingertip traced my chest, sending jolts of pleasure throughout my body. Each touch seemed so surreal and divine, it was as if it was the first time I had ever felt someone carress my skin. Her fingers lowered to my stomach which made me gasp in surprise. Shocked at my reaction, she instantly pulled her hand back.

She looked up at me with worry in those pair of beautiful eyes. I gave her a reassuring smile. She scanned my face, it was like a thousand eyes searing into my skin reminding me that she had power over me than no woman have ever had before. Her eyes see through me, straight into my soul and claim it as she had claimed my heart.

“You’re going to be the death of me, angel.”

My eyes dropped to her white cotton bra and so did one of my hand. She let out a little whimper at the same time her torso jerked when i took her breast in my hand and rubbed the tip of it with my thumb. Even with the cloth getting in the way, i could see and feel how hard her nipples were for me. My hand made its way to her back, she lifted herself a little so I could unhook her bra. Once her breasts were free, I instantly bent my head and closed my mouth over one pink nipple and sucked the peak of it like a hungry baby.

I felt her fingers rake tightly through my hair as I sucked on her breast. I carefully took my time, not trying to rush at all as I switched to her other breast and gave it the same sweet attention. She was writing and moaning under me.

My hand went down to her legs and made its way under her uniform skirt. It went further up until I was touching that little piece of cotton that covered her feminity. Ravenous sexual hunger gripped me as I felt the damp heat against my hand. I began petting her through the cloth and firmly stroking her. She mewled softly in the back of her throat and the way she was responding to me made me even more hard. I pushed her panties aside and touched her bare flesh. Her hips slightly lifted up against my hand. I began lightly tracing her soaking wet sex with my finger. I stopped on her clit and my finger pressed harder, circling on it. I could tell that she was struggling not to moan out loud. A few strokes and her body already stiffened, her moan became one continuous exhalation. That was when I realized she was coming. She hugged me tighter as her whole body shook and trembled. Her moans finally quieted as she slumped against the bed, her arms loosening on me. I lifted my head up and looked at her beautiful face, her eyes closed and her expression was soft.

She may not know it yet but the orgasm I’d given to her sealed her fate. She was mine, I was claiming her. I may never be the first of so many things for her, I came too late. I didn’t care about the lost firsts but I would fight to death for her lasts.

I laid down next to her and took her in my arms. A few minutes later, her eyes fluttered open. I looked down at her and smiled into her dazed eyes.

“Hey.” I whispered.

“A-ano yun?” She innocently asked.

I was quite taken aback at her question. “You’ve had your orgasm. You came for me, angel.” I softly said. Her eyes widened but she remained silent. “You’ve never had one ?”

She shook her head.

“Did you like it?” I asked, stroking her hair.

She shyly smiled and nodded her head.

God, I had never met a woman as innocent as Tanya. Maybe she had given her body to god knows how many men but I knew she had never given them anything more than that. I had her innocence and it would always be mine now.

I pulled her closer to my side and gave her a kiss on the side of her head. She lifted her head up and kissed me. Once again, the atmosphere that hangs on the air was like a cloud ready to burst, raining lust and need over us as our lips and bodies touched. With the gentlest of kisses I hope she could feel how much I love her, how much I never wanted this to end and how much I wanted her to be mine forever. In that moment, there were no world outside our bodies and no once except us. Right now being with her was the only place I wanted to be, she was my sanctuary, my place of security. She filled up the emptiness inside me and it was so good to feel this whole.

I pulled her on top of me. I helped her out of her remaining clothes, I pushed her skirt and her panties down and now she was naked on top of me. I eased my pants and boxers down, freeing my hard, aching cock. It pressed against her thighs. She looked down at our sex, emotions flashed across her face all at once.

I lifted her hip up and positioned myself on her opening before lowering her body to me. I looked down watching as the tip of my cock slowly slid inside her. She was so warm, so wet, and so mine. I lowered her slowly. She was so unbelievably tight, I could barely move in. I cupped her buttocks to get a firmer grip and lifted my hips up to her as I lowered her to me. Something ripped inside of her, snapped like a rubber band. Her body jerked, her spine tensed and she cried out, gasping.

I looked up at her, my eyes widening in realization. I gritted my teeth and held her still for a moment to let her adjust to me. After a few moment, she began to lower her hips, taking me inside her. She bit her bottom lips, tears began to spill from her eyes as she took me further in. I could see in her face that she was in pain but there was also ecstasy.

“God, Tanya!” I groaned, snapping out of my trance. I began to slowly move her on top of me until I could feel my orgasm building up with every thrust. My mind lost focus on everything else. Intense pleasure filled my mind. I lowered her one last time and shot my load inside her.

Chapter Fifteen

Tanya’s POV

Nagising ako ng maramdaman ko ang maliliit at nakakakiliting halik sa likod ko. Naalimpungat na kumislot ako at humarap sa kanya. Dahil sa biglaang paggalaw ko, di ko naiwasang mapangiwi ng maramdaman ko ang sakit sa buong katawan ko lalo na sa pagitan ng hita ko. Pinilit kong buksan ang mabibigat na mata ko at nakita ko siyang tahimik na nakatingin sa akin.

Maraming tanong ang naglalaro sa mga mata niya. Ibinuka niya ang bibig niya at hinintay ko siyang magsalita pero walang lumabas mula doon. Isinara niya ulit iyon at napabuntong-hininga na lang. “Sleep.”

“I love you…” Umangat ang isang kamay ko at isinuklay ko ang mga daliri ko sa makapal na buhok niya. Ipinatong niya ang kamay niya sa ibabaw ng kamay ko na nasa buhok niya at dinala sa labi niya para halikan iyon.

“I love you too.” Namumungay ang mga matang ngumiti siya. Wala pang ilang segundo, nag-iba na naman ang reaksyon ng mukha niya. Kumunot ang noo niya. “You were a virgin?”

Tango lang ang naisagot ko sa kanya. Wala akong maramdaman na kahit katiting na pagsisisi na sa kanya ko ibinigay ang sarili ko. Walang takot o pag-aalinlangan.

Lahat ng naramdaman ko ngayon kasama ko si Wayne ay kabaligtaran ng naramdaman ko ng kasama ko si Luis sa loob ng motel. Hindi ko masikmurang ibigay ang sarili ko sa kanya. Alam ko na kapag pumayag ako sa gusto niya habang buhay kong pagsisisihan iyon. Wala akong naramdaman kundi pangdidiri ng subukan niya akong halikan. Nang buksan niya ang pangalawang butones ng suot kong pang-itaas at sinubukan niyang ipasok ang kamay niya doon tinulak ko siya. Hindi ko kayang may ibang humawak sa akin bukod kay Wayne. Tumakbo ako palabas ng motel at iniwan siya doon.

“How did that happen? How were you a virgin? You’re a…” Huminto siya na para bang naghahagilap ng tamang salitang dapat sabihin. Pero alam namin pareho na walang tamang magandang salita para doon.

“Walang ibang lalaki, Wayne. Ikaw pa lang.” Mahinang sabi ko.

“You’ve never had clients before me?” Namilog ang mga mata niya.

Umiling ako.

“Tanya…” Mariin siyang napapikit at sinuklay niya ang mga daliri niya sa buhok niya. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“H-hindi ko alam. Hindi ko naisip na sabihin sa’yo yun dahil di naman importante-”

“It’s important to me. God, the way I treated you before…” Tumigas ang ekspresyon ng mukha niya.

“Iyon naman ang trabahong pinasok ko.”

“But still, I shouldn’t have treated you like that.” May pagsisisi sa boses niya.

“Tapos na iyon.” Sabi ko.

“Did it ever occur to you that with your looks you could’ve sold your virginity for so much money you’d never have to work again?” Tanong niya habang magkalapat ang mga labi namin.

Umiling ako. “Gusto ko lang naman maipagamot ang nanay.”

“Pagtutulungan natin iyon dalawa.” Sabi niya bago kinuha ang kamay ko at hinalikan. “You’re my girl, Tanya. You’re problem is mine now and I’ll walk every step of the way with you. Do you understand?”

Nangingilid ang luhang tumango ako. Pakiramdam ko nabawasan ang problemang pasan-pasan ko sa sinabi niya. I felt a little lighter.

Hinatak niya ako palapit sa kanya at hinalikan sa noo. Kinuha niya ang isang kamay ko, hinawakan niya iyon at ipinatong sa dibdib niya. Ilang minuto kaming nanatili sa ganong posisyon. Magkadikit ang mga hubad na katawan at magkahawak ang mga kamay. Tinignan ko ang mga kamay namin, saktong-sakto ang mga daliri namin parang ginawa ang mga kamay namin para sa isa’t isa.

“Wayne, alam na ni Luis ang tungkol sa blue book. Nakita niya ako doon.” Mahinang sabi ko.

Inangat ni Wayne ang ulo niya para titigan ako. “What? How did that happen?”

“Hindi ko alam na nandoon pa din ang picture ko. Tinakot niya ako na sasabihin niya kay nanay ang totoo kapag hindi ako sumama sa kanya, kapag hindi ko siya pinagbigyan.”

Nakita ko kung paano nag-iba ang ekspresyon ng mukha ni Wayne. Dumilim ang mga mata niya, tumigas ang mukha niya, at nagtagis ang mga bagang niya.

“And then what happened? Sumama ka ba sa kanya?” Kontrolado ang boses niya at tila ba pinipigil ang galit.

Kahit natatakot ako, dahan-dahan akong tumango.

“Where did he take you and what did he do to you?” Asik niya.

“Dinala niya ako sa motel” Napalunok ako nang maramdaman kong nanunuyo ang lalamunan ko. “Sinubukan niya akong halikan pero hindi ko kaya… hindi ko kayang may ibang humalik sa akin bukod sa’yo.”

Muling lumambot ang mukha ni Wayne.

“Tinakbuhan ko siya pero natatakot ako ngayon. Natatakot ako na baka totohanin niya ang banta niya. Baka kung anong mangyari kay nanay kapag nalaman niya ’yon. Baka hindi niya kayanin, mahina na ang puso niya.”

Ipinikit ni Wayne ang mga mata niya at humugot ng malalim na hininga. Pagkatapos ng ilang saglit ay dumilat siya. “We’ll figure things out okay? But for now, I don’t want you to think about it. I won’t let that bastard near you or tita Esther again, I promise. He’d have to go through me first.”

Even with just his words, I felt safe.

Wayne’s POV

Touching every inch of her skin.

Hands in hair, fingertips brushing along her spine, my palm splayed across her shoulderblades, thumbs brushing across her closed eyelids.

I wanted to memorize every part of her until she becomes a part of me, everytime, all over again. That way I always carry her with me.

Her breath was warm against my face. I could hear the perfect rythm of her heartbeat as she breathed in and out. The rising and falling of her chest hypnotized me as I reveled in the sensation of her scent, tainting the air and dosing my mind.

If it wasn’t for the existence of right here, right now, I wouldn’t believe in perfection.

But this was perfection, her and me as the world spins around us. The world can do whatever the fuck it wants… end, begin anew, as long as I have her here with me.

I was the first man to have her, not that it really matters to me but I felt like I was the first man to walk on the moon knowing that. She would always be different from everyone that came before her.

There was nothing in my mind but the parts that she had uncovered to my naked senses, the moment she took me in her arms and made me a part of her anatomy, her hands inside of mine while she took me to a world that was only created for us. I knew nothing would ever compare to these feelings.

She was so beautiful. I couldn’t get the mental image in my mind and I didn’t think I want to anyway. I needed that, the snap shots that I now had dozend of in my mind. The way her breasts bobbed up and down as she rode on top of me, the flush to her skin telling me that every drop of blood in her body was on fire for me at that moment and the way she stared at me at I knew that there was no one in the world she wanted to be with more at that second than me. All of it just cemented how she loved me as much I loved her.

“I love you.” I whispered in her ear.

I pulled her closer to my body, she snuggled against me.

Tanya’s POV

Madaling-araw na ng ihatid ako ni Wayne sa amin. Sinubukan ko siyang pigilan na sumama paakyat sa apartment pero hindi siya nagpapigil. Gusto niya daw akong ihatid ng maayos sa amin.

Nang buksan ko ang pinto ng apartment nakita ko si nanay na nakaupo sa sala at tahimik na nagtatahi ng tela. Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa amin.

“Magandang gabi po.” Sabi ni Wayne.

“Madaling araw na.” Ibinaba ni nanay ang telang tinatahi niya. Seryoso ang mukhang nagpalit-palit siya ng tingin sa amin. “Saan kayo galing?”

“May pinuntahan po kaming party, nay.” Dahilan ko. Lumapit ako sa kanya at nagmano. “Pasensya na po, medyo ginabi na kasi natapos.”

“Ayaw ko ng mauulit uli ito.” Nakatingin siya kay Wayne.

“Hindi na po mauulit.” Agad na sagot ni Wayne.

“Hindi magandang tignan sa mga katulad niyong binata’t dalaga na umuuwi ng ganitong oras.”

“Pasensya na po.” Si Wayne.

“Kumain na ba kayong dalawa? Nagtira ako ng ulam sa kusina.” Tanong ni nanay.

“Tapos na po, nay.” Sagot ko.

“Ikaw Wayne, hindi ka ba hinahanap sa inyo? Ano’ng oras na, o?”

Umiling si Wayne.

“Nay, uminom na po ba kayo ng gamot niyo?” Paalala ko sa kanya.

“Tapos na.”

“Sigurado po kayo?”

“Oo, kahit bilangin mo pa.” Buntong-hiningang sagot niya.

“Magpahinga na po kayo. Bukas niyo na tapusin yang tinatahi niyo. Gabi na.” Sabi ko at kinuha ko ang tela mula sa kanya.

“O sya, kanina pa ako inaantok. Hinihintay lang kita.” Sabi niya at nag-unat. “Ikaw din matulog ka na at ikaw naman Wayne, umuwi ka na. Huwag mong kalilimutan i-lock ang pinto.”

“Opo, nay.”

“Good night po, tita Esther.” Sabi ni Wayne.

Tumayo na si nanay at pumasok sa kwarto niya. Naiwan kaming dalawa ni Wayne sa sala. Hinatid ko siya sa pinto ng apartment at sandali kaming tumayo sa harap non.

“Good night.” Nakangiting sabi ni Wayne, iyon ang pinakamatamis na ngiting nakita ko sa kanya.

“Good night din.” Sagot ko

“Bukas ulit?” Hinapit niya ang baywang ko.

Kahit hindi ko nakikita ang sarili ko ngayon, alam kong namumula na ang mukha ko ng pumasok sa isip ko ang nangyari kanina.

“I mean bukas susunduin kita.” Sabi niya na para bang nabasa niya ang isip ko.

“Sige.” Nagbaba ako ng tingin sa hiya.

“I love you.” Inipit niya ang baba ko gamit ang mga daliri niya at itinaas ang mukha ko para matitigan ko siya.

Hindi ko naiwasan mapangiti sa sinabi niya. Ang sarap pakinggan ng mga katagang iyon. “I love you too. Mahal na mahal kita.”

“Oh, Tanya…” He said, pulling me into a hug. “I wish I could take you home with me tonight.”

Tapos na ang klase at salamat sa Diyos hindi kami nagkita o nagkasalubong ni Luis. Matagal na din siyang hindi pumapasok sa klase na magkaklase kami. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko kung sakaling magkita kami ngayon pagkatapos ng nangyari kahapon. May takot pa din sa dibdib ko na baka gawin niya nga ang banta niya pero pinalis ko muna iyon sa isip ko katulad ng sabi ni Wayne. 

Ilang taon ko din naging kaibigan si Luis. Mabuti siyang tao, kahit kailan wala siyang ipinakita kung hindi kabutihan sa akin. Nag-iba na lang siya nitong nakaraan ng pumasok sa buhay ko si Wayne. Hindi siya ang taong ipinakita niya sa akin kahapon. Hindi iyon ang Luis na kilala ko. Gusto kong maniwalang hindi niya itutuloy ang banta niya. Siguro nabigla lang siya. Alam niya ang kundsiyon ni nanay, sila ni Edna ang naging hingahaan ko sa lahat ng problema ko. Kahit galit siya sa akin ngayon, kahit tingin niya isa akong mababang uri ng babae, sana naman maisip niya ang kalagayan ni nanay.  

“Tanya.” Nanlamig ang buo kong katawan ng marinig ko ang boses niya habang hinihintay kong dumating si Wayne.

“Luis.” Gulat na sabi ko ng makita siyang papalapit sa akin. Napaurong ang palayo sa kanya. Napahigpit ang hawak ko sa librong yakap ko.

Matalim na titig ang itinapon niya sa akin. “Bakit iniwan mo ako kahapon?”

“Luis, please, huwag dito.” Pakiusap ko sa kanya.  

Marahas niyang hinaklit ang braso ko ng makalapit siya sa akin at tumilapon ang librong hawak ko. “Bakit? Ayaw mong malaman nila kung anong klase kang babae? Nahihiya kang may makaalam na isa kang-”

“Get your hands off my girlfriend!” Bago pa siya nakalingon, tumama ang kamao ni Wayne sa mukha niya. Nabitawan niya ako at sumubsob siya sa sahig. 

“Girlfriend?” Tumawa siya ng sarkastiko habang pinapahid ang bahid ng dugo sa gilid ng labi niya at pilit na tumayo. “Huwag mo akong pinagloloko. Alam natin pareho kung ano siya-”

“You don’t know anything about her!” At isa pang suntok ang tumama sa mukha niya bago siya tuluyang makatayo. “I don’t want you near Tanya again. Hindi lang ’yan ang aabutin mo kapag nakita kong lumapit ko ulit sa kanya.”

“Hindi ako natatakot sa’yo, gago!” Galit na sabi ni Luis. “Tandaan niyo, hindi pa ako tapos! Hindi pa ako tapos sa inyo!”

“Wayne, tama na. Hayaan na natin siya.” Pilit kong inilayo si Wayne kay Luis bago nang ambaan niya ulit ito ng suntok.

Chapter Sixteen

Wayne’s POV

“Please, Wayne, tama na…” Tanya said, her eyes were begging as she wrapped her arms around my torso.

My face softened at her expression. I felt my emotions going wild, anger and hatred pumped through my veins but just one look from her… that was all it took, one look and I could feel my all my anger melting into a pool of tenderness.

She must’ve noticed me softening up and her tight hold on me loosened up.

“Sabihin mo nga sa akin. Magaling ba siya kaya baliw na baliw ka sa kanya?” The fucker sneered. What he said made blood go up my head. All I saw was red as my eyes narrowed at him. My jaw clenched and my hands balled into fists.

Before I knew it, I was bending over and holding the asshole by the collar. I yanked him up and pushed him against the wall.

“Wayne!” Tanya shrieked.

“The next time I hear you talk about Tanya that way, I will fucking kill you. Do you understand?” I said through ragged breath. I shook him and shoved him against the wall again, forcing his head against the sheetrock with a hard thud. “Do you fucking understand?”

“Umalis na tayo, please.” Tanya said in a small voice as she held on to one of my arms. I let go of the asshole and quickly grabbed Tanya by the wrist. I pulled her to where my car was parked. I opened the door to the passenger’s seat and guided her in before slipping into the driver’s seat.

“Are you okay?” I said, cupping her face in the palms of my hand.

She forced out a smile and nodded her head.

“How did that asshole even become your friend?” My jaw clenched, as my whole body shook in anger.

“Hindi naman siya ganyan dati. Mabait si Luis sa akin noon.” She bit her bottom lip.

I lowered my head to kiss her on the forehead before pulling away and looking into her eyes. “I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

We went to my condo where she cooked dinner for us and we ate together. Although I’d known her for only a fraction of my life, she easily became the most important person in my life. She was everything to me. She was the reason I was happier at that moment in my life than I had ever been before and I was so grateful for that.

She was sitting comfortably on the floor of the living room while she wrote on a paper on top of the coffee table. She was so absorbed in what she was doing that she hadn’t noticed I was watching her. I sat on the floor with her and encircled my arms around her waist.

“What are you doing?” I asked, resting my chin on her shoulder.

She turned her head to me. “Tinatapos ko lang ’tong homework ko.”

“Mm…” I nodded my head before giving her a kiss on the shoulder.

“Ikaw? Wala ka bang homework?” She asked. “Gusto mong tulungan kita?”

“Nah, they can wait.” I answered.

“Eh ano’ng gusto mong gawin?” She put her pen down and shifted so that she was facing me.

“I want to talk.” I said.

“Tungkol saan?”

“Anything under the sun.” I smiled, fondling carressing the sides of her waist. “Tell me about yourself.”


“Ako si Tanya Helaine Andrada, eighteen years old, 2nd year college, at mahal na mahal ko si Wayne Cameron St. Croix.” She said with a huge smile on her gentle face. I love the way her eyes lights up whenever she smiles. I hope she knows everytime she does that, my heart skips a beat, that something I hadn’t named yet coils a little tighter in my stomach. She was perfect, and she was mine and I wouldn’t trade her love for anything.

I let out a low chuckle, pulling her closer to me until her back was resting against my chest. “I love you too, Angel.”

“Ikaw naman. Magkwento ka naman tungkol sa sarili mo.”

“I don’t know what to tell you.”

“Gusto din kitang makilala.” She softly spoke as her hand reached up to touch my cheek. “Gusto kong mas lubos na makilala ang lalaking mahal ko.”

I looked down at her, her pretty doe-like eyes with a hint of curiosity clearly visible in them. I couldn’t think of anything to say as I wasn’t used to talking about myself

“Ganito na lang. Ano’ng favorite color mo?” She asked.

What was my favorite color? Nobody had asked me that question. I never remember anyone asking me anything about myself at all.

“Hmm… I like the color brown.” I answered after giving it a thought.

“Favorite movie?”

“The Godfather.”

“May kapatid ka ba?”

“I have a half-sister and a half-brother, they’re my dad’s kids with his second wife.”

“Buti ka pa may mga kapatid ka. Ako, si nanay lang ang meron ako. Ang sarap siguro ng may mga kapatid, ano?”

I shook my head. “I don’t really see them that much and even if I do see them, we barely talk.”

“Bakit naman?” Her brows furrowed.

I shrugged. “I don’t know. That’s just how it’s always been. I’ve always been the outsider in my father’s new family.”

A flash of pity crossed her face but thank God, it was swiftly replaced with a smile. I hated being pitied. The last thing I want is for people to feel sorry for me.

“Eh ang mommy mo? Nakakausap mo ba siya?”

“I’ve never spoken to her since she left.” I tried to sound as casual as I could about it, swallowing the painful lump in my throat.

“Namimiss mo siya?”

I took in a deep breath. hated my mother for leaving me behind. I couldn’t understand why she had to do it. How could a mother leave her child just like that? Without even a fucking notice or a single goodbye? I used to blame myself when I was a kid. I thought it was my fault that she left. I was being a burden to her, I was a bad boy.

“Sometimes I do.” I answered. I was more honest with her than I could ever be with myself. I couldn’t admit to myself what I just admitted to her. “But it doesn’t matter. She left, she shouldn’t matter to me anymore.”

Opening up to someone had always been hard for me. I was so used to keep to myself, never allowing anyone in too much for the fear of being vulnerable. But with Tanya it was different. I wanted to show her the parts of myself I hadn’t yet learned to love. I wanted her to be the first person who sees me in a light I hadn’t yet grown familiar with seeing. I wanted to experience everything with her. Every first, every last, and every kind of forever.

“Alam mo, walang inang gustong mahiwalay sa anak niya. Siguro naman may magandang rason ang mommy mo kung bakit nagawa niya iyon.”

“Whatever her reason was, it doesn’t matter now. I have you.” I forced a smile. “Someday I’m going to have a family of my own. We’re going to have a big happy family and we’re going to have at least ten children.”

“TEN?” Her eyes widened. “Ang dami nun. Apat lang.”

“Okay, seven.”

“Apat lang.”

“Let’s have at least five.”

“Sige na nga, five.” She chuckled deliciously.

I kissed the side of her forehead as I laughed along with her. I felt like this was what I was waiting for all my life, this moment of vulnerability. She was what I’d been looking for without any idea of where it was exactly that I was supposed to end up. But I found her. And now I finally know why I’d been told so many times to be patient. Before her I was surrounded by people who placed false hopes inside me. I was small, so afraid to be a center of a trick performed by someone who’s only intention was to know that they could control me. Before her there was no hope, no truth, no kiss that tasted like forever. She brought me back to life, to surface of looking forward to the future. If it wasn’t for her I’d still be floating, drowning lifelessly in a sea of synthetic love.

“Then what are we waiting for?” I asked as I gathered her up in my arms. She let out a laughing scream when I stood up, carrying her.

“Wayne, ano’ng ginagawa mo?”

“We’re going to have to practice making those babies.” I whispered huskily into her ear.

She sucked in a breath and her eyes widened in shock. It took all I had in me not to laugh. Goddamn, her innocence was just too cute sometimes. Even in the most appropriate of times.

I carried her to my room and gently laid her down the bed. I took off my top as I knelt down on top of her, her torso imprisoned between my legs. Her angelic face was staring up at me with a glint of anticipation in her eyes. I lowered my head to hers and my mouth fell on hers, my senses were saturated with pulsing need.

I could spend a lifetime kissing her. She kissed me back with the same intensity, with no reservation or inhibition, her arms encircling around my neck. We didn’t start slow, I didn’t even try to ease her into the kiss. My tongue forced her lips open, thrusting it inside her mouth. I savoured her familiar taste, taking over her mouth as if I’d kiss her a million times.

Her body trembled against mine. We were back in our own little bubble, our own world. My fingers toyed with the top button of her blouse. We were breathing into each other’s mouth but still not wanting the kiss to end.

I unfastened each button of her uniform blouse, one by one. I pulled it open and it revealed her smooth, creamy skin and her white bra. I broke away from the kiss to admire her body. The tip of my forefinger lightly touched her skin. I ran my finger down her neck, slipping past her throat and dipped in between her breast.

I pulled her bra down. My hand cupped around her breast, lifting it, and my thumb found the nipple and grazed the extreme tip. I watched in fascination as it hardened with my touch. I stroked it softly, gently, slowy, not in a hurry. She sighed and gasped with each stroke. When I was done playing with it, I took it in my mouth. I heard a small moan coming from her. I rolled it on my tongue and locked her nipple in between my teeth, biting and nibbling it ever so lightly. Her mewls shivered up my spine.

“Wayne…” She moaned. My name sounded so good when she said it like that.

I lifted my head up to look at her. Her eyes were fogged with desire. My pants were getting tigther, my manhood throbbing with urgency as I looked at her. I unbuttoned my pants and pulled it down along with my underwears and threw it on the floor.

Her eyes wandered down my body, her lips parting when her eyes stopped on my dick. It was hard already hard for her. I couldn’t help but smile as her cheeks turned bright red. When she caught me watching her, she quickly looked away in embarrassment. I took her hand and wrapped her fingers around my shaft.

“Stroke it, angel. Stroke me with your hand.” I groaned in pleasure. She had my pulsating erection in her hot little hand. I guided it back and forth my length. She slowly turned her gaze back to me and watched in complete amusement. It didn’t take long for her to get the rythm, I let go of her hand and she started doing it by herself. “You’re so good, Tanya. Don’t stop…”

She carressed it tenderly, exploring every inch of it with wide-eyed curiosity and fascination. I sucked in a breath as she ran a soft thumb over the head of my dick, touching the drop of precum. I let out a loud groan. I couldn’t take it any longer, I was ready to explode.

But I wanted to explode inside her, I wanted to spill every drop of my come inside her. With one quick action, my hand slid inside her skirt and pulled her panties down. I palmed her pussy, she warm, wet and so fuckin’ ready for me. I positioned myself between her legs and pulled her skirt up around her waist.

I brought my dick to her wet opening and pushed myself in. She was still tight but now I could slide smoothly inside her. I bent my upper body forward to her and she clung onto me like a drowning person who would cling on a life jacket in the middle of the ocean. She let out a soft whimper as I eased out of her and back in.

“You feel so good. So hot and tight.” I hoarsely moaned. I was fucking her in her school uniform just like I had always fantasized. Her blouse was open, her breasts were exposed and her skirt was hitched up, letting me see my length going in and out of her.

I reached down between us and gave her clit a small flick. She took a sharp inhale as her arms tightened around me.

“Wayne… Wayne… please…” She said in a shaky voice.

My finger circled around her clit as I thrust in and out of her. I could almost feel it. A few more strokes and her body stiffened under me and then she relaxed against the bed, letting me go. I could feel her pulsating around me while she came, squeezing my cock in the most delectable way. The sensation triggered my climax. I pumped inside her one last time, burying every inch of my length as I came with a long groan.

I collapsed on top of her, burying my face into her neck. I was made anew everytime our bodies become one. Complete, finished, whole.

I woke up from my short nap when I felt her fingers raking through my damp hair. I looked up at her with hooded eyes and gave her a lazy smile.

“Wayne?” She bit her bottom lip.

“What’s wrong?”

“Wayne, hindi kaya mabuntis ako?” She asked in a worried tone. “Masyado pa tayong bata. Gusto kong makapagtapos ng pag-aaral. Gusto kong magkaroon ng trabaho.”

“You won’t get pregnant.” I said, lifting my head up and leaving a soft kiss on her forehead. “You had a depo shot.”

I eased out of her and settled my body next to her. One of my arm wrapped around her small waist.

“I’m not that selfish to get you pregnant at this age.” I murmured against her skin. “We’ll have a family when the right time comes, when we’re both ready.”

“Wayne…” She softly said.

“Mm?” My eyes were starting to feel heavy.

“Mahal na mahal kita.”

“Mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal din kita.” I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my lips.

For a few moments, there was nothing but silence. We let our bodies rest. We were contented with just feeling our skin against each other, just listening to our soft breathing, our bodies exchanging warmth from one another.

“You really never had a boyfriend before?” I asked, breaking the silence. I still find it quite unbelievable how a girl this beautiful could be so innocent. She was untainted before she met me.

She turned her head to me and shook it.

“You’ve never gone on a date?”

“Hindi pa din.”

“But you’re so beautiful. Nobody had ever asked you out?”

“Meron naman ilan pero tinanggihan ko ang mga yun. Mas priority ko ang pag-aaral ko at ang nanay.”

“So you completely had no experience with men and yet you signed yourself up on the blue book?” I said, almost harshly. Thoughts came running through my mind. What if I hadn’t seen her that day? Paano kung may nauna sa akin na makakita sa kanya?My arms possessively wrapped tighter around her little body. Just the mere thought of it made me feel like I’d been punched in the gut.

“Lubog na lubog na kasi kami noon. Mapapalayas na kami sa apartment kapag hindi ako nakabayad sa upa at saka kailangan ni nanay ng regular na gamot. Iyon lang kasi ang naisip kong paraan.”

“You’re mine, Tanya. No one will get to have you. Just me. I’m the first and I’ll be the last.” I said with firm conviction.

“Ikaw lang.” She whispered, nuzzling her nose against my neck. I pulled her even closer to me. Then she lifted her head up to look into my eyes. “Wayne?”

“Yeah?”

Her beautiful innocent eyes stared at me with a mix of apprehension and curiosity. “Eh ako, pang-ilan na ako?”

I chuckled. “They don’t matter, angel. You’re all that matters to me now.”

“Simula ngayon, ako na lang din ha?” Her fingers mindlessly played over my chest. I loved how she became possesive towards me. This side of Tanya was so refreshing to see.

“Ikaw lang. You’re the only woman for me.” I cupped her face with one hand, bringing it closer to me and I kissed her tenderly. 

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Chapter Seventeen

Tanya’s POV

“Bakit kaya hindi na pumapasok si Luis?” Tanong sa akin ni Edna habang naglalakad kami palabas sa klase. “Sayang naman kung babagsak siya, patapos na naman ang semester. Baka naman pwede pa niya ipakiusap sa prof natin.”

Hindi ako kumibo. Hindi ko naman alam kung ano ang dapat kong sabihin sa kanya. Ang alam ko lang ngayon, magandang hindi na malaman ni Edna. Dahil pag sinabi ko sa kanya ang totoong dahilan, malalaman niya din ang tungkol sa Blue Book kaya minabuti ko na lang manahimik. Kaibigan ko si Edna pero hindi pa ako handang sabihin sa kanya ang tungkol doon.

“Tanya?”

“Bakit?”

“Nakikinig ka ba sa mga sinasabi ko?”

“Oo naman.” Sagot ko.

“Noong nakaraang araw nga nakasalubong ko siya, tinatawag ko pero hindi naman ako pinansin. Ano kayang problema nun?”

Kibit-balikat lang ang isinagot ko.

“Baka naman ikaw ang dahilan. Nagsimula lang naman magloko si Luis mula nung dumating si Wayne.”

“Boyfriend ko na si Wayne, Edna.” Sabi ko sakanya.

Agad na humarap sa akin si Edna at nanlaki ang mga mata niya. “Boyfriend mo na siya? Sabi na nga ba! Kailan pa? Bakit hindi mo sinabi sa akin?”

“Bigla na lang nangyari.”

“Ano’ng bigla na lang nangyari? Paanong nangyari?” Usisa niya.

“Hindi ko din alam.” Hindi mapigilan ang manguya ang pang-ibabang labi ko. “Mahirap ipaliwanag.”

“Mag-ingat ka, Tanya. Lalaki yan at hindi basta-bastang lalaki. Gwapo si Wayne, mukhang habulin ng mga babae.” Paalala ni Edna.

“Mahal niya ako.” Mahinang sabi ko.

“Pinapaalalahan lang kita.” Sabi niya. “Alam ba ’to ni Luis?”

Tumango ako.

“Kaya siguro nagkakaganyan siya.” Bumuntong hininga si Edna. “Alam mo naman noon pa, type na type ka na nun.”

“Hindi ko naman siya pinaasa. Noon ko pa sinasabi sa kanya na kaibigan lang ang tingin ko sa kanya.”

“Ang problema, umasa siya. Sabi niya sa akin maghihintay siya hanggang maka-graduate ka na, baka daw magbago ang isip mo pagkatapos nun.”

“Kasalanan ko ba yon?” Hindi ko maiwasan makaramdam ng guilt. May nagawa o nasabi ba ako na dahilan para umasa siya?

“Hindi no!” Agad na sagot ni Edna. “Kasalanan niya na yun. Hindi mo naman siya pinaasa, umaasa lang talaga siya. Susunduin ka ba ng boyfriend mo?”

“Hindi, mamaya pa. Papasok pa ako sa trabaho.” Sabi ko at tumingin sa orasan.

“O sige na, uuwi na ako. Mag-iingat ka ha.” Sabi ni Edna. “Mag-usap tayo bukas, marami ka nang utang sa akin na kwento!”

Inilagay ko na sa tray ang natitirang order ng customer sa tray at kinuha niya na iyon para humanap ng upuan.

“Hi, welcome to Burger King. May I take your ord—” Mula sa screen ng cash register nag-angat ako ng tingin sa sumunod sa customer na nakapili at natigilan ako ng makita siya.

“Tanya.” Tumaas ang kilay niya at tinitigan ako na parang sinisipat niya ako. Muling nag-angat ang tingin niya sa mukha ko at ngumiti. “Tanya, right?”

Sandali ko siyang tinitigan. Sa pananamit, itsura at postura ni Margaux, halatang out of place siya sa fast food restaurant na ito. She looked like she had stepped out of a magazine cover. Kahit gustuhin ko magsalita, hindi ko mahanap ang boses ko kaya tumango na lang ako.

“Sabi na nga ba. Hindi ako nagkamali, ikaw ang nakita ko.” Tumawa siya ng mahina. “Silly me. Bakit ba ako nagdalawang isip? Eh dito ka naman talaga nababagay.”

I cleared my throat. Huminga ako ng malalim at pinilit ang sarili kong magsalita. “May order po ba kayo?”

“I’m ordering you to stay away from Wayne.” Inilapit niya ang mukha niya sa akin. “Naiintindihan mo o gusto mong tagalugin ko para maintindihan mo?”

“Marami pa akong kailangan gawin. Kung wala na po kayong—”

“I hope you know where you stand, Tanya. Hindi ka seseryosohin ni Wayne. Look at you! He can have any woman he wants. Sa dinami-rami ng babaeng nagkakandarapa kay Wayne, sa tingin mo ikaw ang pipilii niya? A fast food chain crew?” She chuckled. “If you think you’re special to him then think again. Pampawala ka lang niya ng init ng katawan, parausan ka lang. You’re just a toy to him. Once he gets tired of you, he’d dump you like the trash you are.”

Pinilit kong huwag magpaapekto sa sinabi niya. Hindi ako naniniwala sa sinasabi niya. Alam kong mahal ako ni Wayne. Binigyan ko siya ng isang matamis na ngiti. “Kung wala ka ng sasabihin, pwede bang tumabi ka muna? May customer na nakapila sa likod mo.”

She leaned over to the counter. Binigyan niya ako ng matalim na titig. “I always get what I want, Tanya. Always. You don’t want to cross me.”

“Wala akong ginagawa sa’yo.” Mariin na sabi ko.

“Nilalandi mo si Wayne.”

“Kung totoo nga ang sinabi mo kanina, wala ka naman sigurong dapat ikatakot.” Mahina pero matigas na sabi ko. Pinigil kong huwag manginig ang boses ko.

“Sino’ng may sabing natatakot ako?” Nakita ko kung paano nagtagis ang bagang niya habang nakatingin sa akin. Lalong nanlisik ang mga matang tumayo siya ng diretso. She held her chin high as if trying to intimidate me.

Lumunok ako ng maramdaman kong nanunuyo na ang lalamunan ko.

“Oh Tanya, Tanya, Tanya.” Umiling-iling siya. “Hindi mo pa ako kilala. I can make your life a living hell.”

Pagkasabi nun ay tumalikod na siya. Napahawak ako sa counter. Parang gustong bumigay ng tuhod ko ng makaalis siya, parang naubos lahat ng lakas ko. Huminga ako ng malalim at sinubukan kalmahin ang sarili ko.

Nakatingin at naghihintay ang customer na kaninang nakapili sa likod ni Margaux sa akin kaya pinilit kong umarteng normal. Ngumiti ako at kinuha ang order niya.

“Hey.” Nakangiting bati ni Wayne nang lumabas ako galing sa locker room. Lumapit ako sa kanya at ipinulupot niya ang bisig niya sa baywang ko. Regular akong sinusundo ni Wayne sa trabaho at sa eskwelahan kaya hindi na ako nagulat ng makita siya. “How was your day?”

“Okay naman.” Yumakap din ako sa kanya at tumingala. “Ikaw?”

“We had an exam today in Algebra.” Hinalikan niya ako sa noo.

“Nakapasa ka naman?”

“Of course. Tinandaan ko lahat ng tinuro mo sa akin, hindi ko na nga kailangan kumopya kay Nick.” Natatawang sabi niya.

Sabay kaming lumabas ng fast food restaurant at sumakay sa kotse niya. Tuwing may pasok ako sa trabaho, gabi na ang uwi ko kaya hinahatid niya na ako ng diretso sa bahay. Ayaw niya na daw kasing may masabi si Nanay. Kapag naman sa eskwelahan niya ako sinusundo, medyo maaga pa ang uwi ko nun kaya pumupunta muna kami sa condo niya.

“Is everything okay?” Sabi niya habang ang mga mata ay naka focus sa kalsada.

“Huh? Ah, oo…” Sagot ko.

“Are you sure? You’re so quiet today.” His brows furrowed. “Is it Luis? Is he bothering you again?”

“Hindi… hindi si Luis.”

“Then what’s eating you? I can feel when something’s off with you.”

“Pagod lang siguro ako. Madami kasing costumer kanina.” Dahilan ko na lang. Pero ang totoo, hindi pa din mawala sa isip ko ang mga sinabi ni Margaux. Sa totoo lang natatakot ako sa kung anong pwede niyang gawin. Hindi ko alam kung anong klaseng tao si Margaux pero nararamdaman ko na kaya niyang gawin ang banta niya sa akin.

Nagdadalawang isip ako kung dapat ko bang sabihin kay Wayne iyon. Parang napakababaw naman kasi. Wala naman talagang ginawa si Margaux kung hindi ang pagbantaan ako kaya pinili ko nang huwag na lang sabihin sa kanya.

“Sinabi ko naman sa’yo, you don’t have to work. I’ll take care of you and tita Esther. Ako na ang bahala sa pagpapagamot niya at sa rent niyo sa apartment, sa lahat ng gastusin.”

“Wayne?” Umayos ako ng upo para makaharap sa kanya.

“Yeah?”

“Ilang taon ka na?” Tanong ko sa kanya.

“Twenty one.” He answered.

“Masyado ka pang bata para maging sugar daddy.” Biro ko at hindi ko napigilan ang mapahagikgik.

Napuno ng tawa niya ang buong kotse. “Oh, angel, you’re killing me.” He took my hand with in his free hand and brought it to his lips. “Whatever’s mine is yours too, angel, you know that. Just as much as whatever’s yours is mine.”

“Bakit ako?” Bigla na lang kumawala ang mga salitang iyon sa bibig ko.

“What do you mean?”

I chewed on my bottom lip. Naisip ko ang sinabi ni Margaux kanina. Magandang lalaki si Wayne, sigurado akong maraming babae ang nagkakandarapa sa kanya. “Maraming babaeng d’yan na mas bagay sa’yo. Si Margaux maganda naman siya. Bakit ako ang napili mo?”

“Do you really have to have a reason for loving?” 

Hindi ako kumibo.

“I love you because, I don’t know, you’ve become my safety net. My escape. You’re the only one I feel comfortable showing the hidden parts of myself, the parts that still need time to heal. You’ve given me all the love I didn’t think I deserve.” 

Naglaho ang pag-aalinlangan ko dahil sa mga sinabi ni Margaux kanina. Ngumiti ako at binigyan siya ng halik sa pisngi bago ko idinantay ang ulo ko sa braso niya habang magkahawak pa rin ang mga kamay namin.

“Mahal na mahal kita, Wayne. Ikaw lang ang lalaking mamahalin kita.” Sabi ko.

“I love you too, angel, so much it scares me sometimes.” He exhaled.

Chapter Eighteen

Wayne’s POV

“Ed’s throwing a party next Saturday. Huwag mong sabihin hindi ka na naman pupunta?” Nick’s eyebrow raised at me.

“What have you been up to lately anyway? You don’t even hang out with us after class anymore.” Seth asked as we were sitting on the grass on the school field. We decided to skip our first class and hang out here because we were ten minutes anyway. Not to mention, the subject and the professor were both a bore.

I was about to answer when my phone rang. I excitedly took it out from my pocket and read Tanya’s name on the screen. The mere sight of her name made me smile. I opened the mesage.

Papasok na ko sa school. Nasa klase ka na ba?

Instantly, my fingers started to type a reply.

I’m hanging out with my friends in the school field. Take care okay? Text me when you get to school.

“Baliw na baliw ka sa chicks mo ah.” Tristan grinned. “Kung hindi ka missing in action, wala kang ginawa kung hindi magtext. Kulang na lang idikit mo sa’yo yung babae mo.”

“He’s not even listening to us.” Axel sighed.

“I am.” I said, averting my eyes from the phone screen to them. “What were you asking me again?”

“Are you going to come to Ed’s party?” Asked Nick.

“Yeah, I’ll bring Tanya with me.”

“Ah yeah, sweet Tanya.” Axel let out a wide smile. “She’s one hot chick.”

“Fuck off! She’s my girl.” I scowled.

“Everything with a pussy is hot to you.” Seth snickered.

“Don’t try to flirt with Tanya. I swear that would be the end of our friendship.” I jokingly warned him.

“Whatever happened to bros before hoes?” Nick butted in.

“Tanya is not a hoe. She’s different from all the woman I’ve been with. She’s for keeps.” I said.

“Mukha ngang malakas ang tama mo d’yan sa bago mo.” Tristan commented.

I divereted the topic to something else because I really wasn’t comfortable talking about my love life. We were talking about the party when I saw Margaux walking towards us, her hips swaying like a model’s on a runway. I was sure she was heading to where we were sitting. I wanted to stand up and leave. Oh Lord! I didn’t want to deal with whatever drama to bring.

“Hi, Wayne.” She said in a cheery voice.

“Hey.” I said in an uninterested tone, looking up at her. “Do you need anything?”

“Not really. Gusto lang kitang kamustahin.”

“I’m good. Thank you.”

“And how’s Tanya?” She said with a wry smile on her face like if she knew a secret.

“Tanya’s doing great.” I said nonchalantly and furrowed my brows. “Why did you ask?”

“Nothing. I just want to ask if you know anything about the Blue Book?” I knew from her tone that she was implying something.

My heart began to race at the mention of the blue book. I swallowed, my throat dry all of a sudden. My jaw clenched and my hands clenched into fists.

“Ipagpapalit mo na lang ako, sa isang call girl pa.” She said in a mocking voice. If she wasn’t a woman, my fist would have landed straight in her face. I had to take a deep breath to calm my raging nerves.

“Shut the fuck up!” My voice came out as a loud roar as I stood up from the grass.

She stiffened in surprise.

I stood just inches away from her, towering over her and my eyes glaring through hers. “Leave Tanya out of this. You don’t know anything about her.”

She recollected herself, lifting her chin up in a confident manner. “I can’t believe this, Wayne! Nagpapakabaliw ka sa babaeng iyon. She’s a whore.”

“She is not a whore.” I slowly said in a low but very firm voice. My fingertips were twitching, I had to stop myself. I’d never hit a girl and I’d vow to myself that I never would.

“If you think I’d give you up that easily then you’re damn wrong! I won’t give you up, especially not to that call girl.” She pursed her lips in annoyance before turning around and marching away.

Tanya’s POV

Naglalakad ako sa corridor papunta sa unang klase ko at napansin ko ang ilang mga matang nakatingin sa akin. Hindi ko masyadong pinansin iyon dahil naisip ko baka imagination ko lang iyon. Habang palapit ako ng palapit sa kwarto kung saan ang klase ko napapansin kong may isang babaeng kinalabit ang katabi niya at itinuro ako. Ang iba naman nagbubulungan habang nakatingin sa akin.

May mali ba sa akin? Maayos naman akong umalis sa bahay. May dumi ba sa mukha ko? Magulo ba ang buhok ko?

“Hi, Tanya.” Iang hindi ko kilalang lalaki ang humarang sa dinaraanan ko.

Pinilit kong ngumiti. “Hi.”

“Libre ka ba after school? Baka gusto mong lumabas tayo?” Nakangising habang nakatingin sa akin na para bang hinuhubaran ako.

“Sorry, may gagawin kasi ako.” Sabi ko.

“Fully booked ka na siguro. Next time na lang.” Sabi nito bago siya naglakad palayo.

Pakiramdam ko binuhusan ng malamig na tubig. May alam ba siya tungkol doon? Bigla akong kinabahan. Naramdaman ko ang malakas na pagkabago ng dibdib ko at pagpapawis ng mga kamay ko. Baka naman iba lang ang ibig sabihin niya sa iniisip ko. Sana naman hindi iyon.

Nagsisimula na akong ma concious sa mga tingin ng mga tao sa akin kaya lalo kong binilisan ang paglalakad ko. Nagpakawala ako ng isang malalim na hininga ng sa wakas ay makapasok na ako sa classroom. Tahimik na umupo ako sa isa sa mga silya. Pero hndi pa din ako nakaiwas sa titig sa akin ng mga kaklase ko. Gusto kong magtanong kung bakit tinititigan nila ako pero naunahan ako ng hiya. Para akong natutunaw sa hiya sa mga tingin nila. Dahil wala pa ang prof namin, nilabas ko na lang ang notebook ko at nagkunwaring busy sa pagsusulat.

Naririnig ko ang mahihina nilang bulungan habang nakatingin sa akin. Nakita ko pa ang isa sa mga babae na itinuturo ako at agad din niyang ibinaba ang kamay niya ng makita niya akong lumingon sa gawi nila. Sa totoo lang hindi na maganda ang nararamdaman ko sa mga nangyayari, gusto ko nang tumayo sa kinauupuan ko at lumabas sa kwartong iyon. At iyon ang gagawin ko ngayon. Ipinasok ko na ulit ang notebook ko at nang akmang tatayo na ako biglang pumasok si Edna sa classroom. Halos patakbo siyang umupo sa upuan sa tabi ko. Nakahinga ako ng maluwag.

“Tanya, alam mo na ba ang kumakalat na balita sa campus tungkol sa’yo?” Hingal na hingal na sabi niya.

“Hindi…” Parang bumagsak ang puso ko sa sikmura ko. Palakas ng palakas ang tibok ng dibdib ko hanag nakatingin ako kay Edna at hinihintay ang susunod na sasabihin niya.

“Ito, o.” May inabot siya sa akin na isang papel na nakatupi.

Kinuha ko iyon sa kanya at binuksan. Nakaprint doon ang isang page sa blue book, ang page kung nasaan ako. Agad kong nabitawan ang papel na hawak ko. Para akong tinakasan ng dugo ang buong katawan ko. Huminga ako ng malalim, pinipigil ang luhang nagsisimulang mamuo sa mga mata ko.

“S-saan mo nakuha ito?” Pinigil kong huwag manginig ang boses ko.

“May mga nakadikit sa bulletin board at nakakalat sa buong campus. Nilinis na nga kanina yan ng janitor pero may nagbalik ulit.” Nakikita ko sa mga mata ni Edna ang pag-aalala. “Kumakalat sa buong campus na… na prosti ka daw.”

Ibinuka ko ang bibig ko para magsalita pero walang lumabas mula doon kaya isinara ko na ulit. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong sabihin. Sa sobrang pagkagulat ko hindi ko magawang makapag-isip ng maayos. Hindi pa tuluyan ma process ng isip ko ang sinabi niya.

Agad kong dinampot ang bag ko at nagmamadaling lumabas ng classroom. Tinawag ako ni Edna pero hindi ko siya pinansin. Gusto ko lang makaalis dito. Biglang bumuhos ang mga luha ng makalabas ako sa classroom. Doon ko napansin ang ilang papel na nakadikit sa dingding ng corridor. Yumuko ako sa sobrang kahihiyan at ayaw ko din makita ang mga taong nakatingin sa akin na para bang isa akong palabas sa perya.

Patakbo akong lumabas sa eskwelahan at hingal na huminto nang nasa labas na ako. Nanginginig ang mga tuhod ko kaya napupo na ako sa gilid ng hagdan sa harap ng entrance. Inilabas ko ang phone ko mula sa bag at tinawagan si Wayne. Makalipas ang ilang ring, narinig ko ang boses niya.

“Tanya?”

“Wayne, alam na nila.” Pigil ang luhang sabi ko.

“What? Ano’ng alam na nila?” Bakas sa boses niya ang magkahalong lito at pag-aalala.

“Alam nilang lahat na nasa blue book ako. Kalat na dito sa school.” I couldn’t help the sob that rose from my throat.

“Where are you?” Rinig ko ang pagtagis ng mga bagang niya habang sinasabi niya iyon.

“Nandito pa sa school.” Sagot ko.

“Pupuntahan kita d’yan. Don’t go anywhere.” Sabi niya at bago pa ako makapagsalita ay ibinaba niya na ang phone.

Isa lang ang alam kong pwedeng may kagagawan nito. Si Luis. Siya lang naman ang may alam na nasa Blue Book ako. Hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa din magawang maniwala at tanggapin na ang lalaking tinuring kong parang kapatid sa matagal na panahon ang gagawa pa sa akin ng ganito. Pero pagkatapos niya akong dalhin sa motel noon? Dapat pa ba akong magulat?

Wala pang sampung minuto nakita ko na ang paparating na kotse niya. Nang makababa siya ng kotse, nilapitan niya agad ako at niyakap. He pulled away from the hug and cupped my face in his hand.

“Are you okay?” Nag-aalalang tanong niya.

Tango lang ang naisagot ko.

Dumampi ang mga labi niya sa noo ko. “We’ll fix this. Irereport natin ito sa school office niyo.”

He held me by my wrist and pulled me inside the school. Nakita ko ang pagbabago ng reaksyon niya ng makita ang mga papel na nakadikit sa dingding. Nagtagis ang mga bagang niya at nag-aapoy sa galit ang mga mata niya.

Binitawan niya ako at marahas na hinatak at tinanggal ang mga papel na nakadikit sa dingding. Gulat na nakatingin sa kanya ang mga taong naroroon. Kahit ako nagulat ako at napako ang mga paa ko sa kinatatayuan ko.

“Whoever fucking this!” Sabi niya habang hawak ang lukot na papel sa kamay niya. Tumingin siya sa mga taong nanonood. “Who ever the fuck did this, I swear, you’ll pay! I’ll make you regret you were ever born. Everything that’s written on this paper are all lies! Tanya is my girlfriend, I know her more than all of you do. I’ll be here to rip the head off of anybody who tries to hurt her in anyway.”

“Wayne.” Hinawakan ko siya sa kamay at pinisil iyon para pakalmahin siya.

Pinihit niya ang ulo niya sa akin. Nawala ang galit sa mukha niya at lumamlam ang mga matang tinitigan niya ako. Hinawakan niya ang likod ng ulo ko at inilapit niya ito sa kanya.

“Hindi ko hahayaan may manakit sa’yo.” Bulong niya sa tainga ko. I found myself wrapping my arms around his body. Being in his arms was my comfort zone, this is where I was safe and happy.

Pumunta kami sa school office para ireport ang nangyari. Sabi nila gagawa sila ng aksyon para mahuli kung sino ang gumawa nun at ipatatanggal nila ang mga printed papers na nakadikit sa buong eskwelahan. 

“Margaux knows about the blue book.” Sabi ni Wayne nang makapasok kami sa kotse niya.

Napauwang ang bibig ko sa gulat. “P-paano niya nalaman?”

“I don’t know.” Sumadal siya sa upuan niya at hinilot ang sentido. “I don’t know how she found out about the blue book. Hindi na ulit mangyayari ito. I swear to God, I will do something about it. I will fucking burn every blue book that has you in it.” 

“Pinuntahan ako ni Margaux noong isang linggo sa Burger King.” I bit my bottom lip.

Napabalikwas siya at humarap sa akin. “And? Did she do anything to you?”

“Pinagbantaan niya ako na kapag hindi daw ako lumayo sa’yo, pagsisisihan ko daw.”

Nagpakawala siya ng mahabang buntong-hininga. “That crazy bitch! Don’t listen to a thing she tells you.”

“Natatakot ako.” Pag-aamin ko. “Baka kung anong gawin niya.”

“Listen to me.” Ikinulong niya ang mukha ko sa mga palad niya at napilitan akong titigan siya sa mga mata. “I’ve been telling you this over and over. I won’t let anyone hurt you. You have nothing to be scared of. Everything will be okay as long as we have each other.”

Bumaba ang ulo niya sa akin at hinalikan ako. Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko, ipinulupot ang bisig ko sa leeg niya at gumanti ng halik. Naniniwala ako sa sinabi ni Wayne. Alam kong hindi niya ako pababayaan. Alam kong kapag kasama ko siya wala akong dapat ikabahala.

Chapter Nineteen

Tanya’s POV

“Nay, uminom po ba kayo ng gamot niyo?” Tanong ko habang hinihimas-himas ang likod niya ng umubo siya. Dahil sa tulong ni Wayne, napatingin ko sa doktor si nanay noong isang araw pati ang mga gamot ni nanay siya ang bumili. Sinabihan siya ng doktor na magpahinga pero matigas ang ulo. Tumatanggap pa din siya ng patahi. Buti nga ngayon, medyo maayos na ang lagay niya dahil noong mga nakaraang araw tuloy tuloy ang pag-ubo niya.

“Uminom na ko kanina.” Sagot niya.

“Hindi pa din ba nawawala yang ubo niyo?”

“Nako, huwag mo nga akong alalahanin. Nalamigan lang ako.” Sagot niya naman sa pagitan ng pag-ubo.

“Kasi naman Nay, magpahinga po kayo. Huwag muna kayong magtahi. Teka at kukunin ko yung inhaler niyo.” Iniwan ko muna si nanay at kinuha ang inhaler sa loob ng kwarto niya. Inabot ko sa kanya iyon at ginamit niya.

“Ano’ng oras ka ba susunduin ni Wayne?” Tanong niya. Alam na ni nanay na boyfriend ko si Wayne. Kaming dalawa ang nagtapat sa kanya at hindi naman siya tumutol. Sa katunayan, mas lalo nga silang naging malapit ni Wayne. Madalas dito na naghahapunan si Wayne kapag hinahatid niya ako.

“Parating na daw po siya.” Sagot ko.

Tinignan ako ni nanay mula ulo hanggang paa at nakangiting bumalik sa mukha ko ang mga mata niya. “Dalagang dalaga ka na talaga.” Sabi niya at hinawi ang ilang hibla ng buhok na nasa mukha ko at inipit sa likod ng tainga ko. “Habang tumatanda ka, lalo mong nagiging kahawig ang ama mo.” Biglang naglaho ang ngiti sa mga labi ni nanay at nagbaba siya ng tingin. Alam kong hanggang ngayon mahirap pa rin para sa kanya ang pagkawala ni tatay.

Ngumiti ako. “Syempre, kanino pa po ba ako magmamana kung hindi sa inyong dalawa. Si nanay talaga.”

Pareho kaming napalingon sa pinto nang may kumatok. Nagmamadaling binuksan ko iyon at nakita si Wayne na nakatayo sa harap ng pinto.

“Hi.” Bati niya sa akin bago naglakbay ang tingin niya sa katawan ko. “You look beautiful.”

Nahihiyang nagbaba ako ng tingin. “Hiniram ko nga lang ’tong damit na suot ko sa kapitbahay.”

Humiram ulit ako ng damit kay Sasha at nagpaayos ako sa kanya. Nagpalagay ng konting makeup.

“Kahit naman ano’ng suotin mo maganda ka pa rin.” Sabi niya at ipinulupot ang mga bisig sa baywang ko at binigyan ako ng halik sa noo.

“O, Wayne, nandyan ka na pala.” Narinig kong sabi ni nanay.

Nagulat si Wayne at agad akong binitiwan. Napahagikgik ako ng mahina.

“Good evening po, tita Esther.” Sabi niya.

“Magandang gabi naman.” Sagot ni nanay. “Pupunta daw kayong party?”

“Opo.” Tumango si Wayne. “Party ng schoolmate ko.”

“Ganon ba? Bago magmadaling araw dapat nandito na kayo.” Paalala ni nanay.

“Opo, nay.” Sabi ko.

“Wayne, ingatan mo ang anak ko.”

“Makakaasa po kayo, tita.” Nakangiting sabi niya at ipinulupot ang bisig niya sa likod ng baywang ko.

Nagpaalam na kami kay nanay at umalis na. Sumakay kami sa kotse niya at makaraan ang ilang minuto huminto ang kotse niya sa isang malaking bahay. Nasa loob pa lang kami ng kotse ay rinig na rinig na namin ang malakas na tugtog na nanggagaling sa loob ng bahay.

Bigla akong kinabahan. Alam kong ibang mga tao ang makakasalumuha ko dito. Mga galing sa may perang pamilya. Naisama na ako ni Wayne noon sa isang party pero hanggang ngayon kinakabahan pa din ako. Hindi ko alam kung paano ako kikilos, kung paano ko sila patutunguhan, at kung bagay ba ang ayos ko.

Lumabas na kami sa kotse. Nakakawit ang kamay ko sa braso niyang pumasok kami sa loob ng bahay. Halos nagkakadikitan na sa dami ng tao sa loob. May mga nagkukuwentuhan, may mga nagsasayawan at nanlaki ang mga mata ko ng mahigap nito ang isang babae at isang lalaking naghahalikan sa sulok. Ipinulupot ni Wayne ang mga bisig niya sa akin, shielding me with his body as we made our way through the crowd.

Agad namin nakita ang mga kaibigan ni Wayne na nakaupo sa sofa sa salas. Namumukhaan ko na sila dahil pinakilala na sila sa akin ni Wayne noon.

“Finally, you’re here.” Sabi ni Seth.

“Hey, Tanya.” Ngumiti sa akin si Axel.

Naramdaman kong humigpit ang hawak ni Wayne sa balakang ko.

“Hi.” Sagot ko sa kanya.

“We thought you were going to ditch us again.” Sabi ni Nick.

“May upuan pa dito.” Itinuro ni Tristan ang isang bakantang upuan sa tabi niya. Umupo si Wayne doon at hinatak niya ako dahilan para mapaupo ako sa kandungan niya.

Tatayo na sana ako, hindi magandang tignan na nakaupo ako sa kandungan ng lalaki. Hinawakan ni Wayne ang baywang ko at inupo ako pabalik sa kandungan niya.

“Where are you going?” Tanong niya.

“Tatayo na lang ako.” Sabi ko.

“Why?”

“Ano ka ba? Nakakahiya kasi, madaming nakakakita.”

“I don’t care. Let them see us.” Nakangising bulong niya. “So they’ll know you’re mine.”

“Now I understand why you’re so crazy about her.” Sabi ni Nick habang nakatingin sa akin. “You’re looking lovely tonight, Tanya.”

“Thank you.” Nahihiyang sabi ko.

“Hey, back off! She’s mine.” Wayne said in a half-joking tone.

“I know, I know.” Itinaas ni Nick ang kamay niya na parang sumusuko.

Wayne’s friends had been wonderful to me. Tinrato na din nila ako na parang isa sa mga kaibigan nila. Nakikinig lang ako sa kwentuhan at biruan nila, minsan nagtatanong-tanong sila tungkol sa akin. Madali akong naging kumportable sa kanila. Naikwento din ni Wayne na nasa parehong compound kami nakatira ni Tristan.

“Kaya pala mukhang pamilyar ka.” Sabi ni Tristan.

“Palagi kitang nakikita. Madalas ka din ikwento sa akin ni Sasha. Crush na crush ka nga niya.” Natatawang sabi ko.

“Oh that woman.” Natatawang umiling siya.

“I can’t believe this!” Natigilan ako ng marinig ang pamilyar na boses ng babae. Lumingon ako sa gawi niya at nakita siyang nakatayo at nakatingin sa akin. Nakatiklop ang mga braso niya sa dibdib at nakataas ang isang kilay. “I can’t believe they allow a whore in here!”

“Margaux! Stop it!” Galit na asik ni Wayne at tumayo ito.

“Hmp!” Isang nang uuyam na ngiti lang ang isinagot niya kay Wayne bago tumalikod. Akala ko aalis na siya ng bigla niyang damputin ang microphone sa gilid ng kwarto katabi ng malaking stereo. Tumigil ang kanta at tumahimik ang buong bahay.

“Ladies and gentlemen. Can I have your attention please?” Sabi niya habang nakaharap sa microphone. “Gusto ko lang sabihin sa inyo na may special guest tayong gabi. It’s none other than the Blue Book’s whore, Tanya.” Inilahad niya ang kamay niya sa direksyon ko. “That girl right over there is a whore. Isa siyang bayarang babae.”

Naramdaman kong nanginig ang buong katawan ko ng dumapo ang tingin sa akin ng mga tao. Nanlamig ang buong katawan ko at nablangko ang isip ko. My heart felt like it dropped into my stomach. Pakiramdam ko naubusan ako ng dugo sa buong katawan ko.

Agad na lumapit si Wayne sa kanya at marahas na hinaklit ang microphone mula sa kamay niya. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Isa sa mga kaibigan ni Wayne, hindi ko na alam kung sino ang humawak sa balikat ko at inupo ako.

“Bakit? Totoo naman, di ba? POKPOK YANG BABAENG YAN!” Sabi niya habang tinuturo ako. “Maiintindihan ko pa kung ibang babae ang ipinalit mo sa akin. Pero siya! My God, Wayne, nakaka-offend!”

“Shut the fuck up! Wala kang alam tungkol kay Tanya!” Napuno ng malakas na boses niya ang buong kwarto.

“I know she’s a whore! A dirty disgusting whore who’d sleep with any man for mone—”

“She is not a whore! She was a virgin when I had her!” Mariin na sabi ni Wayne. “Ikaw? Pang-ilan na ba akong lalaking nakakama sa’yo?”

Tumigas ang expresyon ng mukha ni Margaux at hindi siya nakapagsalita. Naiiiling-iling na tumalikod sa kanya si Wayne at naglakad palapit sa akin. Kinuha niya ang kamay ko at hinatak ako.

Nang nasa labas na kami, ikinulong niya sa mga palad niya ang mukha ko. “Are you okay?”

Nagsimulang magtubig ang mga mata ko at sinubsob ko ang mukha ko sa dibdib niya. Hindi pa ako napahiya ng ganon sa buong buhay ko. Mas masakit kasi mga kaibigan ni Wayne ang nandoon. Baka ikahiya niya na ako dahil alam na nila ang totoo.

“Alam na nilang.” Humihikbing sabi ko. “Nahihiya ako sa mga kaibigan mo. Ano na lang ang sasabihin nila sa’yo?”

“First of all, you’re not a whore.” Isinuklay niya ang mga daliri niya sa buhok ko. “Second, my friends kind of already know. Third, I don’t give a damn what people think. Kapag may sinabi silang hindi maganda tungkol sa’yo ibig sabihin nun hindi ko sila totoong kaibigan.”

Inipit niya ang baba ko sa pagitan ng mga daliri niya at inangat ang mukha ko. Pinunasan niya ang mga luha ko. “Don’t cry, okay? Wala akong pakialam sa sasabihin ng ibang tao. Ako ang mas higit na nakakakilala sa’yo kaysa sa kanila.”

Dinampian niya ako ng isang mabilis na halik sa labi. “Nothing else matters to me. Just you. Will you smile for me, angel?”

Ginawa ko ang sinabi niya. Ngumiti ako. 

“That’s more like it. Your smile is my weakness, do you know that? Of all the woman I’ve known in my life none has made me fall for them so completely and so instantly.”

Chapter Twenty

Tanya’s POV

Iminulat ko ang mga mata ko at mukha ni Wayne ang una kong nakita. Nakapikit ang mga mata niya at mahimbing siyang natutulog. Hinayaan ko muna ang sarili kong panoorin siya ng ilang minuto. Hindi ko mahiwalay ang tingin ko sa maamo niyang mukha. Tumaas ang isang kamay ko para haplusin ang pisngi niya.

Siya ang unang lalaking minahal ko at sigurado akong siya din ang huli. I couldn’t see myself loving any other guy but him. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mga pwedeng mangyari, maraming bagay ang walang kasiguraduhan pero ang sigurado ko lang mahal ko si Wayne, siya lang ang lalaking mamahalin ko. Siya ang sumagip sa akin at sa nanay ko. Minahal niya ako sa kung ano ako at sa kung ano ang inisip niyang ako. Minahal niya ako ng walang kapalit.

Lumingon ako sa orasan na nakapatong sa bedside table. Ten thirty na ng gabi. Maingat kong tinanggal ang bisig niya na nakapulupot sa baywang ko. Dahan-dahan akong bumaba sa kama. Pinulot ko ang mga damit ko at sinuot ang mga iyon. Hindi ko na siya ginising dahil ayoko maistorbo siya sa pagtulog at saka maaga pa naman, pwede pa akong magcommute pauwi.

Dinampian ko siya ng halik sa pisngi bago ako umalis. Nagjeep ako pauwi. Pagdating ko sa apartment, hindi pa ako nakakalapit sa pinto namin nang salubingin ako ng kapitbahay. Isa sa mga kaibigan ni nanay.

“Tanya, kanina ka pa namin sinusubukan tawagan.” Sabi ni aling Chona. Agad akong kinabahan sa reaksyon ng mukha niya, dun pa lang malalaman mong may nangyaring hindi maganda.

“Bakit po?” Agad na tanong ko. Naramdaman kong bumilis ang pagtibok ng puso ko.

“Ang nanay mo sinugod sa ospital. Nahihirapan huminga.”

“P-po?!” Parang nanlambot ang mga tuhod ko sa sinabi niya at napahawak ako sa dingding para hindi ako tuluyang mabuwal.

“Kasama siya ng kaibigan mong lalaki, yung palagi mong kasama dati kasama yung isa mo pang kaibigan… si… si… ano nga bang pangalan nun?”

“Si Luis po?”

“Oo, yun nga yata.” Sagot ni aling Chona.

Wala sa sariling napakuyom ang mga nanginginig na palad ko. Lalo akong kinabahan. Alam kong may kinalaman si Luis sa nangyari kay nanay, alam ko na ang dahilan kung bakit siya nasa ospital ngayon.

“S-saan pong ospital dinala si nanay?”

“Sa Sta. Ana siya dinala. Dalian mo at puntahan mo na ang nanay mo. Kailangan ka niya.”

Agad akong umalis pagkasabi niya. Pumunta ako sa ospital at ipinagtanong sa information ng emergency room kung nasaan ang nanay. May ibinigay silang room number sa akin. Nang naglalakad ako papunta sa kwartong iyon, nakita ko si Luis na nakaupo sa tabi ng pinto. Tumayo siya ng makita ako at lumapit sa akin.

“Tanya…” Sinubukan niya akong yakapin pero mabilis akong nakaiwas.

“Huwag kang lalapit sa akin at huwag na huwag mo kong hahawaka!” Mariin na sabi ko habang naniningkit ang mga mata ko sa galit na nakatingin sa kanya. “Masaya ka na ba ha?”

“Hindi ko sinasadya… hindi ko akalain…” Isinuklay niya ang daliri niya sa buhok niya. “Maniwala ka, hindi ’to ang gusto kong mangyari.”

“Nakiusap ako sa’yo, Luis! Alam mo ang kalagayan ni nanay, sana naisip mo iyon.” Nangingilid ang luhang sabi ko. Itinulak ko siya sa dibdib. “Umalis ka na dito! Ayoko nang makita ang pagmumukha mo kahit kailan! Akala ko kaibigan kita… tapos ikaw pa ang gagawa sa akin ng ganito!”

Tuluyan nang bumagsak ang mga luha ko at humagulgol ako. Nanginginig ang buong katawan ko, hindi ko alam kung dahil ba sa sobrang galit o sa takot para sa nanay ko o pareho.

Hinawakan ako ni Luis sa magkabilang kamay ko. “Maniwala ka sa akin, Tanya, hindi ko talaga sinasadya. Gusto ko lang naman na lumayo ka kay Wayne.”

Marahas na binawi ko ang mga kamay ko mula sa kanya. “Kapag may nangyari kay nanay, hinding-hindi kita mapapatawad sa ginawa mo!”

Pinahid ko ang mga luha ko bago ako tumalikod sa kanya at pumasok sa kwarto. Isang public room iyon. May mga nadaanan akong ibang mga pasyenteng nakahiga sa hospital bed. May iba malakas, ang iba naman nanghihina na, iba’t ibang pasyente, iba’t ibang sakit at mga puting tela lang ang pumapagitna sa kanila.

Halos sa pinakadulo na ang pwesto ni nanay. Nakapikit ang mga mata niya at may oxygen mask na nakakabit sa kanya. Umupo ako sa gilid ng kama. Pigil na pigil ang luha ko. Bata pa lang ako iyakin na ako at ayaw na ayaw ni nanay na nakikita akong umiiyak. Lalong lalo na kung siya ang dahilan.

Kinuha ko ang isang kamay niya at hinawakan ko iyon sa dalawang kamay ko. Binuksan niya ang mga mata niya at ngumiti ang mga mata niya sa akin.

“Nay, kamusta na po kayo?” Sinubukan kong huwag manginig ang boses ko dahil sa pagpigil ng mga luha ko.

“Okay lang ako.” Tinanggal niya ang oxygen mask niya bago magsalita.

“Nay, ibalik niyo po iyan baka mahirapan po kayong huminga.” Sabi ko at nang tangkain kong ibalik iyon ay umiwas siya.

“Huwag kang mag-alala. Maayos na ang lagay ko.”

Napanatag naman ang loob ko sa sinabi niya.

“Magpahinga lang po kayo, nay, ha?” Umangat ang isang kamay ko sa buhok niya at hinaplos haplos iyon.

Naramdaman kong pinisil ni nanay ang kamay kong nakahawak pa rin sa kanya at lumamlam ang mga mata niya. “Totoo ba ang sinabi ni Luis?”

“Nay…” Nagbaba ako ng tingin at napakagat sa pang-ibabang labi ko. “Mas makakabuti kung magpahinga po muna kayo.”

“Totoo bang ibinenta mo ang sarili mo?” Lalong lumakas ang boses ni nanay kahit halatang hirap siya sa pagsasalita. Alam kong hindi niya palalampasin ito ngayon.

“Totoo po…” Mahinang sabi ko. Pakiramdam ko nanuyo ang lalamunan ko kaya lumunok ako.

“Bakit mo ginawa iyon? Nagsinungaling ka sa akin.” May halong hinanakit na sabi niya. “Ang akala ko nobyo mo si Wayne, yun pala…” Umiling-iling siya.

“Nay, mahal po ako ni Wayne at mahal ko din siya. Opo, ibinenta ko po ang sarili ko sa kanya pero nirespeto niya ako. Alam niyang kailangan ko ng tulong niya at hindi niya sinamantala iyon. Tinulungan niya po ako, tinulungan niya po tayo.” Halos humihikbing sabi ko.

“Anak, hindi mo pa rin dapat ginawa iyon.” Bakas sa mukha niya ang disappointment.

“Gipit na gipit na po kasi tayo sa pera. Hindi po sapat yung sinuweldo ko sa pagtatrabaho sa fast food chain at saka natanggalan po ako ng scholarship sa school. Iyon lang po kasi ang naisip kong paraan.”

“Bakit ngayon mo lang sinabi sa akin ang mga ito? Dapat may nagawa ako.” May pagsisisi sa boses niya. “Hindi dapat ganito ang buhay mo.”

“Nay, huwag niyo na po alalahanin iyon. Tapos na po iyon. Ang mahalaga okay ka po ngayon.”

Matagal kaming nag-usap ni nanay. Ipinaliwanag ko sa kanya ang sitwasyon namin ni Wayne na madali niya naman naintindihan. Napalapit na din kasi ang loob ni nanay sa kanya kaya hindi na siya nahirapan tanggapin.

“Huwag mong sisihin si Luis, anak.” Sabi ni nanay. “Hindi niya kasalanan kung bakit ako nandito. Mahina na talaga ang katawan ko.”

Humikab na siya pagkasabi nun at ipinikit ang mga mata niya. Ikinabit ko ulit ang oxygen mask sa kanya at hinalikan siya sa noo. Tahimik kong pinanood si nanay habang natutulog siya. Ilang minuto ang lumipas bago dumating ang doktor para suriin siya. Kinuha ang temperature niya, ang heartbeat at kung anu-ano pa.

“Doc, ano pong problema kay nanay?” Tanong ko nang matapos niya itong i-check up.

“May coronary artery disease ang pasyente.” Paliwanag ng doktor. Alam kong matagal nang may sakit sa puso si nanay kaya hindi na ako nabigla doon. “Numinipis ang daluyan ng dugo sa puso ng nanay mo, yun ang dahilan kung bakit nahirapan siyang huminga kanina.”

“Magiging okay naman po siya, di ba?”

“Stable na ang kundisyon niya pero kailangan niya pa rin mag-stay sa ospital para maobserbahan namin siya.” Sabi ng doktor.

Nagpasalamat ako sa kanya bago siya umalis at bumalik ako sa tabi ni nanay. Kinuha ko ang kamay niya at hinilig ang ulo ko doon.

Wayne’s POV

I moved my arm over next to me hoping to warm myself up against Tanya’s skin but was dissapointed when it only came into contact with the cold matress. Even though my lids were still heavy, I forced my eyes open. There was no Tanya beside me. I grabbed the pillow next to me and my arms wrapped around it as I would do to her if she was here with me. It smelled of her. The scent of her skin on the pillow drove me crazy. Her natural scent filling my nosetril, the aroma reflecting her gentle charm and soft nature. indulged myself for a moment, just breathing her while a picture of the hot, passionate love making we had last night formed in my mind.

It was already six am when I looked at the clock on the bedside table. I figured she must’ve already gone home. I grabbed my phone and saw her name on the screen.

10:23 pm

Hindi na ko nagpaalam sayo kasi ang himbing ng tulog mo. I love you, Wayne. <3

I couldn’t help but smile after I had read her message. My fingers instantly typed a reply.

Just woke up. I love you too, angel. Thank you for last night, you were wonderful. Hope you got home safe. Text me back as soon as you read this message.

Though you’d know she was inexperienced, she was a natural in bed. The good thing about her was that she was willing to learn and explore.

Not a minute later my phone vibrated. I looked at the screen and Tanya’s name popped up. I eagerly opened her message.

Good morning. Nakatulog ka ba ng maayos? Hindi na ako nakauwi sa bahay, dumiretso agad ako sa ospital.

My heart felt like it dropped in the pit of my stomach as I read her last text message. Worry took over me.

What are you doing at the hospital? Is everything okay?

I just looked at my phone after sending the message to her and waited for her reply. That one minute it took for her to reply felt like a whole hour.

Si nanay sinugod sa ospital kagabi. Okay na siya ngayon pero kailangan pa daw namin magstay kasi inoobserbahan pa siya ng mga doktor.

I typed in a reply.

What hospital are you at?

She texted me the hospital. I jumped out of my bed and went straight into the bathroom to take a quick shower.

It took me less than thirty minutes to get to the hospital. They were in the room along with 10 or more sick patients. I found Tanya sitting on a chair next to tita Esther’s bed, her head resting on the edge of the bed next to her mother’s hand. They were both asleep when I came in.

I touched Tanya’s shoulder, she instantly flinched and looked up at me.

“Wayne, kanina ka pa ba nandito?” She asked.

I gave her a kiss on the forehead. “I actually just got here.” I gazed at tita Esther, she was still asleep with an oxygen mask on her. Tita Esther doesn’t look too well. Her face was pale and she looked like she had aged a few years. “How’s tita Esther?”

“Sa awa naman ng Diyos, stable daw ang kundisyon niya pero inoobserbahan pa.” She explained.

“We’ll move her to a private room.” I said.

“Hindi na. Inoobserbahan na lang si nanay, baka palabasin na din naman kami ng doktor niya.”

“Hangga’t hindi pa siya pinalalabas, I want her in a private room. Baka mahawa pa sa ibang may sakit dito si tita Esther at magtagal pa siya lalo dito.”

Her eyes softened as she looked at me and she gave me a smile of resignation. And then her expression soon shifted into a different one.

“Wayne, alam na ni nanay.” She said, almost in a whisper. “Sinabi sa kanya ni Luis at sinabi niya kay nanay ang tungkol sa atin.”

I felt a surge of anxiety. “And what did she say?”

“Syempre, hindi siya natuwa.” She sighed. “Pero ipinaliwanag ko naman sa kanya ang lahat.”

I lightly carressed her soft, pinkish cheek with the back of my hand. “I hope she doesn’t hate me.”

“Wag kang mag-alala, hindi galit sa’yo ang nanay.” She took my hand that was carressing her cheek and brought it to her lips to give it a gentle kiss.

“Did you bring her here?” I asked.

She shook her head. “Pag-uwi ko, sinabi sa akin nang kapitbahay na nasa ospital na si nanay. Si Luis ang kasama niya dito kagabi.”

“Was this Luis’ fault? Siya ba ang dahilan kung bakit nandito si tita Esther sa ospital?” I asked with an involuntary growl.

“Hindi daw natin dapat isisi kay Luis ang nangyari.” There was sadness in her tone and eyes as she looked at her mother. “Sa totoo lang, wala na akong pakialam. Ang mahalaga okay si nanay ngayon. Sana lang gumaling na siya.”

“She will get better. I’ll do everything in my power to make sure of that.” I promised.

They moved tita Esther into a private suite just as I asked them to. She was in a vulnerable condition and being around other sick people wouldn’t do her any good. The room had a hospital bed, and a couch you could pull out and it turns into a bed.

“Salamat, Wayne.” Sabi ni Tanya habang magkatabi kami sa couch at nakatingin siya kay tita Esther. “Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko kung wala ka sa tabi ko.”

I protectively wrapped an arm around Tanya, she snuggled closer to me. “I wouldn’t know what to do without you too. You don’t know this but you saved me…”

“Saved you? Saan?” She looked up at me with eyes as innocent as a baby’s, you could see the innocence and tenderness in it. She was so soft and I, well… I was hardened. I never had a strong stable supportive relationship, even with my parents. I had never let my guards down until I met her and it felt so good to finally have someone know the real you, in all your vulnerability. She gave me the stability and support that I needed but hadn’t gotten from anyone, even from my own family. Before her I felt like I was just being blown away, everything was just tossing and turning me about and then she happened and I felt like I’d finally found my solid ground.

“From myself.” I said, as I played with a few strands of her hair with my fingers. “I’m not sure how it happened but all I know is that when you came into my life you changed everything. You made me feel like I have a purpose. You made the bad seem bearable and the good so much better that I could ever imagine. I love you, Tanya, and I’ll never get tired of telling you that.”

“I love you too, Wayne. Mahal na mahal na mahal kita.” She gave me a peck on my jaw.

I didn’t notice that we both fell asleep while we were cuddled together until the sound of the door opening woke me up. My eyes fluttered open and I saw a head peaking through the door. I blinked, trying to focus my still dazed vision. When I saw who it was, my spine straightened stiffly.

I instantly stood to my feet and my sudden movement woke Tanya up. I charged at Luis before he could even step inside the room. I shoved him out of the room and closed the door behind me.

“Hindi ka pa ba nakuntento sa ginawa mo? You even have the guts to come here?” I said in a controlled voice as I didn’t want to draw any attention from the medical staff.

“Hindi ikaw ang binisita ko dito, si tita Esther.” He said in a harsh tone.

“Fuck you! Kung hindi dahil sa kagaguhan mo, wala siya dito!” My teeth were grinding against each other, trying to control my anger. If we weren’t in the hospital and tita Esther wasn’t in the room behind me, i would have beaten him into pulp.

“Hindi ba pareho lang naman tayo?” He said looking at me with eyes narrowed into slits. “Kung makapagsalita ka akala mo napakalinis mo.”

“You knew her condition. Alam mong makakasama sa kanya iyon. You did this to her, you fucker.”

“Sinabi ko iyon kasi kailangan niyang malaman ang totoo. Kailangan niyang malaman na hindi ka kasing bait ng inaakala niya, na ginagamit mo lang parausan si Tanya—”

“Don’t you fucking talk about Tanya like that.” I said as I slammed my fist into his jaw.

Sinapo niya ang mukha niya bago tumingin sa akin. His eyes were burning with anger and threw back at him an equally menacing glare. His hand raised up to punch me back but I was quick to block his punch with my arm.

The door opened and Tanya came out of it, quietly closing the door behind her. She got in between us and pushed us away from each other.

“Ano ba kayong dalawa? Hanggang dito ba naman sa ospital?” She said glancing at Luis and me. “Please lang kahit ngayon lang, huwag naman kayong mag-away. Pag nalaman ni nanay ’to baka lalo siyang ma stress.”

“I’m sorry, Tanya… gusto ko lang naman masigurong ligtas si tita Esther.” Luis’ voice softened. I sneered at him as he acted like an innocent sheep in front of my girlfriend.

“Okay na si nanay. Pwede bang umuwi ka na lang muna, Luis.” Tanya politely asked.

“Bago ako umalis, gusto ko muna sanang magpaliwanag.” He took in a deep breath, his eyes looking like they were begging her. “Gusto kong malaman mo na hindi ko intensyon na masama. Pumunta ako sa inyo para humingi ng tawad. Alam kong iniisip mo na ako ang may kasalanan sa pagkalat ng blue book sa eskwelahan pero hindi ako iyon. Wala akong alam doon. Mahal kita, alam mong hindi kita kayang ipahamak ng ganon.”

“Then who the fuck did it huh?” I snarled at him, having enough of it.

“Si Margaux, ang ex mo!” He looked at me with dagger eyes. “Noong gabing sinundo mo si Tanya sa school at nang makita mong kasama niya ako, nilapitan niya ako pagkaalis niyo. Narinig niya ang away natin at nagtanong siya ng mag bagay tungkol kay Tanya. Sabi niya tutulungan niya akong mapaglayo kayo. Sabi niya siya na ang bahala at gagawa siya nang paraan kaya napilitan akong sabihin ang tungkol sa blue book.”

Margaux must’ve followed me that night. She tried to talk to me as I was leaving the school to pick Tanya up but I kind of just shrugged her off.

He gazed at her, his expression changing.“Tanya, maniwala ka sa akin. Gusto ko lang talagang humingi ng tawad sa’yo kaso ’di ko napigilan sabihin kay tita Esther ang totoo. Naisip ko rin na baka pag sinabi ko may magawa siya. Hindi ko akalain na hahantong sa ganito.”

I saw how Tanya’s hard face softened as she listened to Luis’ explanations. I knew Tanya too well. She was too forgiving, too gentle, too naive, too fragile for this world.

“Kung gusto mo, lumuhod ako sa’yo, kay tita Esther… gagawin ko.” Luis said.

“Leave.” I said in a hard, firm tone. “Just fucking leave.”

Tanya took in a deep breath. “Umalis ka na, Luis. Please, iwan mo na kami.”

Luis bowed his head, his shoulders sagging as he turned his back to us and walked away. I encircled my arms around Tanya and kissed her.

“Everything will be okay.” I murmured against the soft skin of the side of her head.

Chapter Twenty One

https://youtu.be/QkqP1ar_z_A

Wayne’s POV

I opened the door to tita Esther’s hospital room and stepped in. I fell asleep last night on the couch with Tanya and left early in the morning to take a shower and to get us something to eat. I brought some food from the restaurant I saw on the way back here.

Tanya was still sleeping peacefully on the couch, on the same position as I left her in, when I got back. Tita Esther turned her head to me. Her gentle face was sunken in and she was pale as a paper but when she smiled at me, she radiated. Now I knew where Tanya got her smile. Tita Esther was thin and frail-looking but you could see that she’d been undoubtly beautiful in her younger years. Tanya doesn’t look much like her mother, magkaiba sila ng ganda. But they both bring this calming presence, maybe it was because of their modesty, their gentle demeanor, and pensive softness of their form.

Tita Esther was the closest to a mother I have ever had. She became a special part of my life, she’d easily gotten under my skin. I’d never remember my mother cooking for me, I’d never had anyone in my family ask how I was doing, how was school, or how my day went. Tanya and her were the family I never had. As a child, I was always expected to be the parent. Picking up my pass out drunk mother from the marble floor, checking up on dad because she knew he was with another woman, and trying to prevent everything else from falling apart.

She lifted frail hand and motioned for me to come to her. I took a few steps and I was beside her hospital bed.

“Gusto niyo po bang kumain. Nagdala ako ng breakfast.” I said as I put the paper bag on the table next to her bed.

She shook her head and reached for her oxygen mask, taking it off. “Gusto kitang makausap.”

I swallowed feeling my throat get tight. I knew right then what she wanted to talk about. I grabbed a chair and sat next to her bed.

“Tita, gusto ko pong magpaliwanag.” I started. “Alam kong sinabi na po sa’yo ni Tanya ang totoo. I’m not going to say that what Luis said were all lies but they were not the entire truth. Nakilala ko si Tanya dahil sa Blue Book. Yes,my original intention was not good but I fell in love with her. I fell so deeply and madly in love with her.”

Her eyes bore sadness but she let out a small smile. “Alam kong mahal mo siya. Sa kilos mo pa lang alam ko na. Nararamdaman ko.” She looked away from me and her voice started to quiver. “Ako ang dahilan kung bakit niya kinailangan pumasok sa ganong trabaho. Kung bakit pa kasi ako nagkasakit.”

I took her hand and squeezed it. “Don’t blame yourself, Tanya wouldn’t want that.”

“Wayne, anak.” I felt her squeeze my hand back. “Alagaan mo si Tanya. Alam kong mahal na mahal niyo ang isa’t isa. Huwag mo siyang pababayaan. Ipangako mo sa akin yan.”

“Tita Esther…” My voice weakened.

“Gusto kong masigurong magiging maayos ang buhay niya. Ipangako mo sa akin na hindi mo pababayaan si Tanya.”

“Opo.” I finally said.

For the first time in a while I could see through the sharp bones that protude on her face some semblance of content and happiness. “Alam mo si Tanya, mabait na bata yan. Pero napakaiyakin. Madaling masaktan, madaling magdamdam. Kaya iingat mo siya.”

“Opo.” I answered. But then my brows furrowed in confusion. “Tita, why are you telling me all these?”

“Mahina na ako, Wayne. Hindi na kaya ng katawan ko.” She smiled in the most calm and serene way.

“I don’t understand.” I shook my head.

“Matagal ko nang alam na darating din ang araw na ito. Noon pa binigyan na ng doktor ng taning ang buhay ko.”

My chest constricted painfully, my throat tightened as I felt warm tears starting to fill my eyes. “Don’t say that. Baka naman may lunas pa. I’ll talk to your doctor, Tita. No… you’re not going to… I can’t even say it.”

She shook her head. I couldn’t quite believe it yet. It was hard to take in. I just couldn’t believe how calmly she was saying all these things to me as if we were just talking about the weather. “Masyado na daw malala ang kundisyon ko. Hindi na kayang gamutin at isa pa, tanggap ko na ang kalagayan ko. Si Tanya na lang…” She gazed at Tanya who was sleeping peacefully, oblivious of what was going on. “Pero panatag na naman ang loob ko dahil nandyan ka. Ikaw na ang bahala sa kanya.”

“Does she know?”

The woman shook her head. “Wala pa siyang alam. Huwag mo muna sanang sabihin sa kanya, gusto ko ako ang magsabi.”

I was trying not to cry but it was so damn hard. I didn’t know how long I could hold it together. The tears were starting to blur my visions.

“O, wag mong sabihin iyakin ka din katulad ni Tanya.” Natatawang sabi niya.

I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath, trying to keep the tears at bay.

“Kanina ka pa tahimik.” Tanya noticed as we were sitting on the sofa next to tita Esther’s bed. The older lady had already fallen asleep. We talked for quite awhile. We talked about Tanya. We talked about her fear of leaving her behind. We talked about everything. I assured her that she had nothing to fear. I’d take care of her daughter. My chest had been feeling heavy since that talk. It brought me a sense of grief. “Bakit? May problema ba?”

I shook my head and gazed at Tanya’s beautiful face.

She smiled at me. She had the sweetest smile I’d ever seen and I didn’t know why I felt like collapsing into tears. I never wanted that smile to go away. I knew it would break her, once she finds out about tita Esther’s condition. I took in a deep breath and held my tears back. “Pagod ka ba? Gusto mong magpahinga muna?”

I shook my head. “I love you, you already know that right? That means I’m not just here for the pretty parts. I’m here no matter what. Always remember that.”

She let out a wider smile. “Alam ko.”

I pulled her closer to me and kissed her on the forehead, and on the tip of her nose, and on her lips. “I promise, no matter what happens, I’ll always be here for you. I will never leave you. If everything gets to overwhelming for you and you feel like you can’t handle it anymore, I’ll be your strength.”

“Ano bang pinagsasabi mo?” She chuckled. Her brows crinkled with confusion as she looked at me. 

“Wala lang. Gusto ko lang malaman mo na hindi kita iiwan kahit anong mangyari.” I said.

Her face softened, her arms wrapping around my torso. She comfortably leaned her head against my chest. “Alam ko. Ako na yata ang pinakaswerteng babae sa mundo dahil nandito ka sa tabi ko. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko kung wala ka.”

Tanya’s POV

Ilang araw na kami sa ospital pero hindi pa din bumubuti ang lagay ni nanay. Sa tingin ko mas lalo ngang lumalala. Sa tuwing tatanungin ko ang mga doktor na pumupunta dito para tignan siya, isa lang ang sinasabi nila, inoobserbahan pa din daw nila siya. Nagsisimula na akong mag-alala dahil mag-iisang linggo na kami pero wala pa rin silang ma-diagnose. Buti na lang nandito palagi si Wayne sa tabi ko kung wala siya siguro di ko kakayanin ito mag-isa.

Kanina nahihirapan na naman huminga si nanay kaya tumawag agad ako ng nurse, pumunta ang doktor at tinignan siya. Kinailangan siyang dalhin sa baba para ma x-ray at i-ecg. Nahihiya na ako kay Wayne dahil alam kong malaki-laki na ang bill sa ospital lalo na at nakaprivate room si nanay. Pinag-usapan na namin ni Wayne ang tungkol doon kagabi, sabi ko naman sa kanya kahit paunti-unti babayaran ko sa kanya iyon pero sabi niya wag ko na daw isipin iyon. Pinauwi ko muna si Wayne kaninang umaga para naman makapag-ayos siya at makapasok sa klase. Ayaw pa nga niya pero pinilit ko lang siya, halos hindi na kasi siya nakakapasok.

Pinanood ko habang itinutulak papasok sa kwarto ang wheelchair ni nanay. Nakasunod ang doktor niya na si Dra. Castro sa likod. Pinasunod niya ako palabas sa kwarto para kausapin.

“Kamusta naman po ang lagay ni nanay?” Tanong ko.

Sandali niya akong tinignan bago siya bumuntong-hininga. “Hindi maganda. Kinukumbinsi niya akong wag sabihin sa’yo pero sa tingin ko kailangan mong malaman. Her health is spiraling downward. She is not getting better. Hindi na siya gagaling…”

Para akong pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa sa narinig ko. Lumunok ako nang maramdaman kong parang may nakabara sa lalamunan ko. Nagsimulang mag-init ang sulok ng mga mata ko.

“Ano’ng ibig mong sabihin?” Paos ang boses na sabi ko.

“Tanya, anak!” Narinig ko ang boses ni nanay mula sa loob ng kwarto.

Hindi ko na hinintay ang sasabihin ng doktor at tumakbo ako papasok ng kwarto. Lalong bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko sa nerbiyos pero nakahinga ako ng maluwag nang makita siyang nakaupo pa rin sa wheelchair niya. Ngumiti siya sa akin.

“Nay, tinakot mo naman ako.” Halos paiyak na sabi ko. “Bakit po?”

“Gusto kong lumabas.” Sabi niya.

“Nay, di po pwede. May sakit po kayo.”

“Ilang araw na akong nakakulong dito sa ospital. Pakiramdam ko para akong preso. Gusto ko naman masikatan ng araw.”

“Nay…”

“Sige na, kahit sandali lang.” Parang batang pakiusap niya.

Lumingon ako sa direksyon kung saan nakatayo ang doktor. Bumuntong hininga siya bago ako binigyan ng isang tango.

“Sige po, nay.” May pag-aalinlangan na sagot ko. 

Wala akong maintindihan sa mga nangyayari ngayon pero alam kong hindi ito maganda. Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga at lumapit sa kanya. Itinulak ko ang wheelchair palabas ng kwarto at ibinaba sa maliit na hardin sa likod ng ospital.

Maganda ang araw ngayon. Halos walang ulap sa langit pero hindi ganon kainitian, mahangin pa din. Walang maririnig dito kung di ang tunog ng nagkiskisang mga halaman sa di kalayuan at mga ibon.

Tumingin ako kay nanay. Nasisinigan ng araw ang mukha niya. Nakangiti siya, nakapikit ang mga mata niya na para bang dinadama ang sinag ng araw at ang hangin na humahaplos sa mukha niya. Huminga siya ng malalim. “Ang ganda ng panahon ngayon, di ba?”

Umupo ako sa tabi niya at hinilig ang ulo ko sa kandungan niya katulad ng madalas kong gawin noong bata ko. Naaalala ko nga noon, nakakatulog pa akong nakaunan sa kanya at nagigising na lang ako nasa kama na ako. Marahang isinuklay niya ang mga daliri niya sa buhok ko. Tumingala ako sa kanya at nagtama ang mga mata namin.

“Naaalala mo ba noong bata ka pa?” Nakangiting tanong niya. “Puro ka tanong. Bakit maliwanag kapag umaga? Bakit may araw at saan napupunta ito kapag gabi na? Hinding-hindi ka nauubusan ng tanong. Gustuhin ko mang sagutin ang lahat ng tanong mo, hindi ko magawa. May mga bagay kasi na hindi ko pwedeng sagutin para sa’yo. May mga bagay na dapat ikaw ang makaramdam at makaranas at kailangan mong alamin mag-isa.”

“Nay…” Bumigat ang dibdib ko at parang nanikip ang lalamunan ko.

“Mahal na mahal kita, Tanya. Masyado na akong mahina, anak. Kahit gusto ko pang lumaban hindi na kaya ng katawan ko. Maaaring panandalian lang ang katawan ko dito sa mundo pero pagmamahal ko sa’yo, hindi mawawala iyon kahit pa wala na ako. Yan ang palagi mong tatandaan.”

“Nay naman eh.” Tuluyan nang pumatak ang mga luhang kanina ko pa pinipigilan. “Huwag naman po kayong magsalita nang ganyan.”

“Anak, tanggap ko na ang kalagayan ko. Hindi na ako magtatagal. Hindi ko lang masabi sa’yo dahil ayaw kitang masaktan. Ayaw kong isipin mo na iiwan na kita.” Paos ang boses na sabi ni nanay. Alam kong nagpipigil din siya ng luha niya. Kahit kailan hindi ko pa nakitang umiyak si nanay, kahit noong namatay ang tatay. Siguro dahil alam niyang mahina at emosyonal ako at sa kanya ako sumasandal. Siya ang pinagkukunan ko ng lakas. “Hindi kita iiwan, Tanya. Kahit mawala na ako, palagi lang ako nandito para sa’yo.”

“Nay, pano na yung mga plano natin? Di ba sabi ko kapag nakapagtapos ako ng pag-aaral at nakapagtrabaho ako, ibibili kita ng bahay. Hindi mo na kailangan magtrabaho. Hindi na tayo maghihirap. Hindi ba nangako po akong bibigyan kita ng magandang buhay?” Humihikbing sabi ko.

“Binigyan mo naman ako ng magandang buhay. Naging mabuti kang anak. Alam kong marami ka nang naisakripisyo para sa akin.” Sabi niya habang patuloy ang marahang paghaplos sa buhok ko. Ikinulong niya ang mukha ko sa mga palad niya at inangat ang ulo ko para titigan siya. Namumula na din ang mga mata niya sa pagpigil ng mga luha. Nakikita ko din sa mga iyon ang takot na pilit niyang itinatago. “Kailangan ipangako mo sa akin na magiging okay ka kahit wala na ako.”

Tinignan niya ako na parang alam niyang imposible ang hinihiling niya pero ayaw niyang

Sunod-sunod akong umiling. “Hindi ko kayang wala ka…”

“Kaya mo.” Mariin na sabi niya. “Ituloy mo pa rin ang mga ipinangako mo sa akin kahit wala na ako. Gusto kong makatapos ka ng pag-aaral, gusto kong magkaroon ka ng magandang buhay. Ipagawa mo pa din ang bahay na ipinangako mo sa akin. Kahit hindi mo man ako pisikal na makita, palagi lang akong nasa tabi mo.”

“Nay…” Tuluyan akong napahagulgol. I buried my face into her lap and cried habang hinahaplos-haplos niya ang likod ko. 

“Masaya akong aalis. Kaya gusto kong maging masaya ka din…”

Chapter Twenty Two

Tanya’s POV

Nakita ko kung paanong nanghina ang katawan ni nanay hanggang sa isang araw hindi na siya nagising. Sabi ng mga doktor nag fail na ang mga organs niya kaya na-comatose siya. Alam kong darating ang araw na ito pero kahit pala ano pa lang handa mo sa sarili kapag dumating na, mahirap pa rin.

Dinala na sa ICU si nanay. Kung anu-anong machine at tubo na ang nakakabit sa katawan niya. Alam kong imposible na, alam kong milagro na lang ang makakapagpagising kay nanay pero umaasa pa rin ako sa milagrong iyon.

“Ginawa na namin ang lahat ng magagawa namin. Hindi na siya nagrerespond. The patient is basically brain dead.” Narinig kong sabi ng doktor habang kausap si Wayne sa mismong labas ng kwarto. “Ang mga makina na lang na nakakabit sa katawan niya ang bumubuhay sa kanya.”

Nakaupo lang ako sa tabi niya at hawak ang kamay niya. Lalo kong hinigpitan ang hawak sa kamay ni nanay na para bang may aagaw sa kanya mula sa akin. Maputla na ang mukha niya at mga labi niya. Halos hindi ko na siya makilala. Bukod sa sobrang payat niya na, wala ng buhay ang mukha niya.

Isinubsob ko ang mukha ko sa kama niya at hindi ko napigil na maiyak. Siya na lang ang pamilyang meron ako. Kapag nawala siya, wala nang matitira sa akin.

“Are their any options left? Baka madaan pa sa operasyon o gamot?” Tanong ni Wayne makalipas ang ilang segundo ng katahimikan.

“I’m afraid we’ve exhausted all our options. Ihanda niyo na lang ang sarili niyo, yun na lang ang maipapayo ko.” Lalong bumigat ang dibdib ko sa narinig kong sinabi ng doktor. Ni hindi ko nga maisip ang buhay na wala si nanay. Halos lahat ng pangarap ko palaging kasama si nanay doon. Hindi ko kakayanin kapag nawala siya sa akin.

Ilang minuto pa ang nakalipas ng bumukas ang pinto sa kwarto at pumasok si Wayne. Naglakad siya palapit sa akin at huminto sa likod ng silya na inuupuan ko. Idinantay niya ang kamay niya sa balikat ko. “Do you want to take a rest?”

Iling lang ang isinagot ko sa kanya, hindi pa din hinihiwalay ang tingin kay nanay.

“Hindi ka pa nagpapahinga, Tanya. Ako na ang magbabantay kay tita Esther.” Mababa ang boses na sabi niya.

Ito na lang ang oras na meron kami. Ayaw kong iwan siya dahil alam ko kahit anong oras pwede na siyang mawala. Hindi ko na mararamdaman ang init ng palad niya. Hindi ko na siya mahahawakan ng ganito. Hindi ko na siya makikita.

“Angel, tita Esther wouldn’t want to see you like this.” Marahang hinaplos niya ang pisngi ko.

“Hindi ko iiwan si nanay.” Naiiyak na umiling ako.

Lumuhod si Wayne sa harap ko at ikinulong ang mukha ko sa mga palad niya. Namumula din ang mga mata niya sa pagpigil ng luha. “Listen, I know it’s not going to be easy but I’m here for you. You don’t have to go through this alone. I’ll always be here for you. Whatever you go through, I’ll go through it with you.”

Pinahid niya ang mga luha ko gamit ang daliri niya. “Nahihirapan na din si tita Esther. We’ve done the best we can, didn’t we? I’ve talked with the doctor, she said there isn’t much hope. Kailangan maging handa—”

“Ayoko pa…” Sunod sunod akong napailing.

“I know it’s hard, I know it hurts but we have to let go. As much as we want her to stay, we can’t be selfish. You don’t want to see her sick like that, do you?” Marahang sabi niya. “I think she’s just waiting for you to let her go, angel. She’s just waiting for you to assure her that you’ll be okay without her.”

I bursted into tears. Kinabig niya ang ulo ko at isinubsob ko iyon sa balikat niya. Tahimik niyang hinagod ang likod ko at hinayaan niya akong umiyak. Inilabas ko ang lahat ng luhang mailalabas ko bago nag-angat ang ulo ko. Muli niyang ikinulong ang mukha ko sa palad niya at hinalikan ako sa noo.

“Tita Esther is only holding on for you. Talk to her. Tell her all the things she wants to hear from you.” Malumanay na sabi niya.

Dahan-dahan akong tumango bago ibinaling ang atensyon kay nanay. Hinawakan ko ang isang kamay ni nanay sa loob ng dalawang kamay ko.

“Nay, magiging okay po ako. Pangako po tutuparin ko ang mga pangarap natin. Magtatapos po ako ng pag-aaral para sa’yo, nay. Magiging maayos po ang buhay ko katulad ng gusto niyo.” Akala ko ubos na ang luha ko pero hindi pa pala. Parang pinipiga ang dibdib ko sa sobrang sikip nito.

Tama si Wayne, magiging makasarili ako kung hindi ko siya pakakawalan. Masakit man para sa akin pero mas masakit na makitang ganito ang kalagayan niya. Ilang araw na siyang comatose at sa mga doktor na mismo nanggaling na hindi na siya gagaling.

“Nay, Alam kong pagod ka na. Magpahinga ka na. Huwag mo na akong intindihin, hinihintay ka na ni tatay. Siguradong sabik na sabik na si tatay na makasama ka. Palagi kong tatandaan ang mga sinabi mo sa akin. Mahal na mahal ko po kayo, nay.” Humihikbing sabi ko habang marahang hinahaplos ni Wayne ang likod ko.

Binigyan ko si nanay ng isang halik sa noo at biglang tumunog ang machine na nakakabit sa kanya. At alam kong iyon na ’yon. Nagflat na ang linya sa screen ng heart beat monitor na nasa tabi ng kama niya. Luhaang lumingon ako kay Wayne at kumawala na din ang luha sa mga mata niya.

Sa isang chapel malapit sa amin ginawa ang lamay. Hindi umalis si Wayne sa tabi ko na labis naman na ipinagpapasalamat ko. Nakaupo kaming dalawa sa mahabang upuan sa harap ng kabao ni nanay. Nakakulong ako sa bisig niya at nakahilig ang ulo ko sa dibdib niya.

Hinaplos-haplos niya ang buhok ko habang tahimik lang akong nakatingin sa kabao sa harap ko. Hanggang ngayon hindi pa din ako makapaniwala na ang katawan ni nanay ang nasa loob nun. May isang banda sa akin na parang nabunatan na ng tinik dahil hindi ko na nakikitang naghihirap siya pero ang isang banda malungkot pa rin sa pagkawala niya.

“It’s okay now, angel. She’s in a better place now. She’s not in pain anymore.” Bulong ni Wayne, ramdam ko ang mainit na hininga niya sa buhok ko.

Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga. Nag-init ang sulok ng mga mata ko. “Magkasama na sila ni tatay.”

“Yeah…” Mahinang sabi niya. “Kaya huwag ka ng malungkot. I’m sure tita Esther wouldn’t want to see you sad.”

“Salamat, Wayne ha. Hindi ka umalis sa tabi namin ni nanay.” Ipinulupot ko ang bisig ko sa dibdib niya.

“Don’t thank me. Just promise me, you’d never lose that beautiful smile of yours.” Tinitigan ako ng mga malamlam niyang mata. “Your happiness is my happiness as well.”

Pinilit kong ngumiti kahit hilam na sa luha ang mga mata ko at tumango ako. “Basta huwag mo akong iiwan.”

“Yan ang hinding-hindi mangyayari.” He sighed, wiping the tears off the corners of my eyes. “I’m here and I promise I’m not going anywhere. You’re all there is for me.”

Inilapit ko ang mukha ko sa kanya at binigyan ko siya ng isang mabilis na halik sa labi bago ko muling hinilig ang ulo ko sa dibdib niya. Naniniwala ako sa sinasabi ni Wayne. Ilang beses niya nang napatunayan ang pagmamahal niya sa akin at wala akong dapat ikabahala.

“Our deepest condolences.” Narinig kong sabi ng isang pamilyar na baritong na boses. Pareho kaming napalingon sa gawi ng boses na iyon.

Nakatayo doon ang apat na kaibigan ni Wayne. Si Nick, Axel, Tristan at Seth. Agad akong humiwalay kay Wayne at tumayo.

“We heard about what happened to your mother.” Malungkot ang mukhang sabi ni Nick.

“I’m sorry.” May simpatyang sabi ni Tristan.

Binigyan ko lang siya ng tipid na ngiti. “Salamat sa pagpunta niyo. Upo muna kayo.”

Magkakatabing umupo sila sa mahabang bangko.

“How are you?” Tanong sa akin ni Axel na may concern sa boses. “How are you coping?”

“Okay naman na ako. Naging maayos naman ang pagkawala ni nanay. Nakapagpaalam pa siya sa akin.” Sabi ko.

Tumango-tango si Axel.

“Nasa iisang compound lang pala kayo nakatira ni Tristan.” Sabi ni Seth.

“Oo. Minsan nakikita ko siya.” Sagot ko.

“I’ll go get you guys something to drink.” Tumayo si Wayne mula sa kinauupuan niya.

“Ako na lang ang kukuha.” Agad na sabi ko. “Samahan mo na lang sila dito.”

“Are you sure?” Tanong niya sa akin.

Tumango ako bago naglakad tumalikod na papunta sa mesa sa sulok ng maliit na chapel kung saan nakalagay ang pagkain para sa mga bisita. Habang gumagawa ako ng sandwich biglang lumapit sa akin si Sasha at si Jodie.

“Hi, Tanya!” Bati ni Sasha sa akin. “Condolence nga pala.”


“Salamat.” Sagot ko bago nag-angat ng tingin sa dalawang magkaibigan. “Gusto niyo ba ng sandwich at juice?”

“Ay nako! Huwag na!” Tanggi ni Sasha. “Napadaan lang kami para kamustahin ka.”

“Kilala mo pala si Tristan and company.” Sabi ni Jodie ang baklang kaibigan ni Sasha habang nakatingin sa lima.

“Ah, oo. Kaibigan sila ni Wayne.”

“Si Wayne ba yung lalaking palagi mong kasama? Yung naputing t-shirt? Yun ba yung jowa mo?” Usisa ni Sasha.

“Oo.” Matipid na sagot ko.

“Pakilala mo naman kami. Type ko yung blondie.” Turo ni Jodie kay Nick.

Siniko siya ni Sasha. “Ano ka ba, bakla! Lamay ’to, hindi club!” Seryoso ang mukhang bumalik ang atensyon sa akin ng babae. Kinuha niya ang isang kamay ko at may inabot sa akin. Nagbaba ako ng tingin at binuksan ang kamay ko. “O, abuloy ko na yan ha.”

“Salamat, Sasha.”

“Ngayon wala na ang nanay mo baka mapag-isipan mo na ang offer ko sa’yo.” Sabi niya. “May mga naghihire na entertainer sa Japan. Baka interesado ka, pwede kitang i-recruit.”


“Ayaw ko munang isipin ’yan.” Bumuntong-hininga ako. Napalingon ako sa gawi ni Wayne at naramdaman niya siguro ang titig ko sa kanya at napatingin din siya sa akin. Binigyan niya ako ng isang matamis na ngiti.

“Chance mo na ito para makapagsimula ulit. Hindi lahat ng tao nabibigyan ng ganitong opportunity. Marami na akong narecruit pagbalik nila galing ibang bansa, aba mga mayayaman na. Baka nandoon ang kapalaran mo.”

“Hindi ako interesado.” Umiling ako. Kahit kailan hindi ko hinangad ang maging mayaman. Sapat na sa akin na may matirhan kaming bahay ni nanay noon at makakain ng tatlong beses sa isang araw. Gusto ko lang naman na mabigyan si nanay ng kumportableng buhay. Kay nanay umikot lahat ng mga pangarap ko. Siya ang dahilan kung bakit gusto kong makapagtapos ng pag-aaral. Siya ang dahilan kung bakit gusto kong umahon sa kahirapan. Pero ngayon wala na siya… hindi ko na alam kung anong gagawin ko sa buhay ko.

“Tanya, di naman kita pinapagdecide ngayon basta kapag nagbago ang isip mo. Alam mo kung saan ako pupuntahan.” May panghihinayang sa mukhang tinitigan niya ako.

Tumango lang ako.

“Sige na, aalis na kami. Ano’ng oras na, magbubukas pa ako ng club.” Sabi niya. Nagpaalam ako sa kanya at nagpasalamat bago siya umalis.

Bumalik ako sa kinauupuan ni Wayne kasama ang mga kaibigan niya na dala-dala ang mga juice at sandwich. Sandali akong nakipag-usap sa mga kaibigan niya. Nagtagal sila ng halos isang oras bago nagpaalam.

Inilibing si nanay sa tabi ng puntod ng tatay. Alam ko kung nasaan man sila ngayon, nagkita na sila at masaya na sila. Gumagaan ang loob ko sa tuwing naiisip ko silang dalawa na magkasama. Naaalala ko noong bata ako tuwing Linggo palagi kaming lumalabas para magsimba. Hindi pwedeng hindi kami kakain sa labas kahit sa carinderia lang sa kalsada tapos ipapasyal nila ako sa park. Panonoorin lang nila akong maglaro sa playground habang magkahawak ang mga kamay nila. Iyon ang naiisip ko. Magkahawak kamay sila ngayon at nakangiti habang nakatingin sa akin.

“Tanya.” Lumapit sa akin si Edna ng matapos na ilibing si nanay. Sa tatlong araw na lamay ni nanay, araw-araw siyang pumupunta para masigurong okay ako at tumutulong din sa pag-aasikaso sa mga bisita. May bakas ng pag-aalala sa mukha niya. “May gusto sanang kumausap sa’yo.” Kinagat niya ang pang-ibabang labi niya bago lumingon sa likod.

Dahan-dahan lumapit si Luis. Mugto ang mga mata.

Nakita kong nagtagis ang mga bagang ni Wayne at nang akmang lalapit niya si Luis ay hinawakan ko siya sa braso.

“Wayne…” Pinisil ko ang hawak kong braso niya. He paused. Pero bakas sa mukha niya ang galit at labis na pagpipigil.

“What do you want?” Asik ni Wayne.

“Tanya, hindi ko sinasadya.” Hindi niya pinansin si Wayne at nagsimulang magtubig ang mga mata niya. “Hindi na ako makatulog, hindi ako makakain. Gusto ko sanang pumunta noon sa lamay niya pero nahihiya ako dahil alam kong ako ang may kasalanan kung bakit namatay ang nanay mo. Hindi ko gustong mangyari ito kay tita Esther. Hindi ko intensyon ito.”

Humugot ako ng hininga. “Wala kang kasalanan.”

“Tanya, patawarin mo ako. Patawarin niyo ako ni tita Esther. Alam mong napamahal na din siya sa akin, parang pangalawang nanay ko na siya. Hindi ako nag-isip. Hindi ko naisip na may sakit siya sa puso.” Umiiyak na sabi ni Luis.

“Luis, napatawad ka na ni nanay.” Malumanay na sabi ko. “Hindi mo kasalanan na namatay si nanay. Talagang… oras na niya.”

“Pinapatawad mo na din ba ako?”

Nagbaba ako ng tingin sa kanya, hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong isagot. Magsisinungaling ako kung sasabihin ko sa kanya napatawad ko na siya dahil masama pa rin ang loob ko. Parang kapatid na ang tingin ko kay Luis pero nagawa niyang pagsamantalahan ang sitwasyon ko. Nagawa niyang gamitin ang blue book at si nanay para takutin ako.

“Ayaw ko ng makita ka. Tapusin na natin ang pagkakaibigan natin.” Mahinang sabi ko.

“Tanya…” Humakbang siya palapit sa akin.

Naramdaman ko na lang na pumulupot ang bisig ni Wayne sa likod ng balakang ko at hinatak ako sa kanya.

“Did you hear what she just said or are you deaf? Stay the fuck away from her.” Mariin na sabi ni Wayne. “Take one step closer to her and I’ll punch you in the face.”

“Halika na, Wayne.” Aya ko sa kanya para maiwasan nang may mangyaring away.

Nagpaalam na ako kay Edna at bumalik na kami ni Wayne sa kotse. Hinatid niya ako sa apartment at tinulungan ayusin ang mga naiwang gamit ni nanay. Nilagay ko na sa isang kahon ang mga damit niya at iba pang importanteng gamit niya.

“What are you planning to do now?” Tanong niya sa akin habang pinupunasan ko ang photo album ni nanay bago ko ipinasok sa box.

Kibit-balikat lang ang naisagot ko.

“I can’t leave you here all alone. Hindi mapapanatag ang loob ko na mag-isa ka lang dito.” Bumuntong-hininga siya.

“Okay lang ako, huwag kang mag-alala. Kaya ko naman ang sarili ko.” Paninigurado ko sa kanya.

“I have an idea.” Mula sa likod ko, hinawakan niya ako sa baywang at iniharap sa kanya. Tahimik na tinitigan niya ako ng ilang segundo.

“Ano?” Tanong ko sa kanya ng hindi ako makatiis.

“Move in with me, angel.” 

“Wayne…” Umiling ako. 

“It would be easier for the both of us. I won’t have to worry about leaving you here alone and you have me to keep you company.” Naramdaman ko ang mahinang pagpisil niya sa baywang ko. “I just want you safe and secured.”

Chapter Twenty Three

Wayne’s POV

Tanya stood in front of my unit door clutching on the worn out travel bag she was carrying with both hands. Ipinasok ko ang box na hawak ko at ibinaba sa living room. After putting down the box which contained important things she brought from their old apartment, I took the travel bag from her and carried it in.

Tanya was a little hesitant at first about moving in with me but after a long talk with her, she finally agreed. I wouldn’t have to worry about leaving her all alone in her apartment. Here with me was the safest place she could be right now.

I helped her unpack her clothes and put it in the closet. I wasn’t so much into clothes so I still had a lot of room in there for hers.

“Tama ba ’tong ginagawa natin?” She asked in a worried tone as we were unpacking her things.

My brows crumpled as I looked at her. “I don’t see why this is wrong. You’re my girlfriend and we’re not hurting anyone.”

“Hindi magandang tignan na nakatira ako dito.” She chewed on her bottom lip.

“Do you think I give a flying fuck about what other people think?” I chuckled, cupping her face in my hands. I planted a kiss on her face before looking straight into her eyes. “You are all that matters to me. Just you and I, angel.”

“Parang pakiramdam ko mali itong ginagawa natin. Oo nga, may nangyari na sa atin pero iba yung nakatira ako sa bahay mo.”

“Tanya, angel, I can’t leave you in that apartment alone. What if someone breaks into your house? Kaligtasan mo lang ang iniisip ko. This is just temporary.” I pulled her into an embrace and she rested her head against my chest. “Someday we’ll make things right. I’ll marry you after I graduate and find a stable job. We’ll move into a bigger house and we’ll have kids. Ten kids running around…”

“Ano’ng ten? Five lang.” She chuckled. I hadn’t seen her genuinely laugh like this since Tita Esther’s death. Her chuckle was a like a music to my ear.

“Fine, five kids.” I faked a sigh and rolled my eyes. I brushed my fingers through her hair. “We’ll have five kids running around the house.”

“Gusto ko may garden. Bata pa lang ako pangarap ko na magkaron ng bahay na may garden.” She smiled. It was nice seeing her like this again, seeing her genuine beautiful smiles and laughs. I hadn’t seen this side of her since tita Esther got sick. Yeah, she does try to smile but the sadness was still there in her eyes.  I hated seeing her sad. She was hurting but I couldn’t do anything about it. And the fact that i couldn’t do anything about it, that was what I hated the most.

“And a pool.” I said.

“Ayoko ng pool.” Her nose crinkled. “Hindi naman kasi ako marunong lumangoy at saka syempre may mga bata sa bahay, baka mahulog sila sa pool. Gusto ko malaking garden lang na may maraming maraming bulaklak at may isang puno para makapagtayo sila ng tree house.”

I could already clearly envision it in my mind. It was the most perfect thing I could think of, seeing her smile everyday for the rest of my life, watching our kids chase each other around the backyard, them climbing up the tree house I built for them, children laughing and our bunso running to Tanya because the older ones were teasing her. We’d have the most beautiful kids that would look at us as if we were superheroes. Their eyes innocent and not yet tainted by the world. Fractions of our cells transforming into the most perfect human beings.

“Okay, a no pool house it is. We’ll have a house with a huge garden and wooden picket fence around it.” I said as I stroke her hair. “Ano pang gusto mo?”

“Gusto ko yung simple lang. Ayoko ng malaking bahay kasi gusto ko nagkikita-kita pa rin tayo. Tatlong bedroom lang dapat. Isa para sa’yo at sa akin. Tapos yung isa para sa mga lalaking anak natin at isa naman para sa mga babae. Share sila ng kwarto para talagang malapit sila sa isa’t isa. Ano sa tingin mo?”

“I think it’s perfect.” A smile cracked on my lips. It felt as if we weren’t just dreaming about the future, we were already planning it. “You’ll be a good mother to our kids.”

“At alam kong magiging mabuting ama ka rin sa kanila.” She smiled cheekily. “Ako lang yata nag-iisip para sa magiging bahay natin. Ikaw? Ano bang gusto mo?”

“I only want one thing. A small bed so we have to sleep really close to each other.” I grinned.

“Ikaw talaga.” She giggled, shaking her head.

We continued unpacking her things and after the last cloth had been unpacked. We got ready for bed. Tanya took a quick shower while I read a book in my bed. After a few minutes, the door to the bathroom opened. Tanya only had a towel around her body. Her hair tied up in a ponytail was still dry.

She unwrapped the towel and let it drop to the floor. Her body was beautiful. I had seen it a couple of times but I was still in awe at the sight of it. The need for me radiating in her eyes sent a bolt of pure arousal to my length. Good thing I was wearing a loose pajama so that there was enough space for my growing erection. I closed the book I was reading and took my glasses off. Inilagay ko iyon sa ibabaw ng side table.

Tanya crawled up to bed and slipped into the duvet next to me. I wrapped my arm around the back of her waist and kissed her on the forehead. She lifted her face up to me so that i could kiss her on the lips. I did just as what she wanted me to do. I kissed her on the lips in delight. She wrapped an arm around my neck and started kissing me back.

Words had always been irrelevant when we let our bodies talk for us. The walls of this bedroom holds the secrets of our need for each other, the whispered words of love, the tender touches and the hungry acts of desire.

I pulled her to me, we shifted and now she was straddling me. Kissing her hungrily I let my hand run the length of her bare back. After awhile, after our lips were sore and our tongues were tired, I pulled away. I pulled away from the kiss and bent over to kiss her pink perky nipple.

“Wayne…” My name fell from her lips in a breathy plea. She started grinding our crotch together. Just when I thought my erection couldn’t get bigger, well it did. I was kind of surprise of how responsive she was now. She pulled me into her chest a little closer. My name left her lips over and over as I suckled and kiss each of her breasts.

I lifted my head back to her and saw her eyes burning with desire. The same desire that was burning in mine. It was a desire I’d never seen in her before. I lifted my hips a little so that I could pull down my pajama. She bent over and began leaving small kisses on my jaw, trailing down to my neck. Her lips trailed further down to my chest, branding my skin in a way that left me powerless and desperate for her. In a way, I kind of felt proud. She’d learned from me and she had learned good.

She took my nipple into her mouth and a groan of pleasure escape my throat. She sucked on in, mimicking what I did to her. Her lips lowered to my stomach. I took in a sharp inhale of breath, feeling the heat growing in me. Her lips lowered further down. She took my cock in her hand and began to stroke it. My arousal was at molten level and I wanted her sweet pussy wrapped around me. Instead, it was her warm mouth that covered the tip of my dick.

My lids dropped to over my eyes and my head fell to the headboard. I took deep, roughen breaths as she slowly took me in. I made her do this once before, I could tell she was still inexperienced but she was still damn good.

“Yeah, angel, that’s it… you’re doing a great job… suck it…” I moaned, encouraging and guiding her.

I reached down and cupped her breast with my hand. I played with her nipple, occassionally pinching and rubbing it. She moaned in pleasure, her mouth vibrating around me.

“Tanya angel, I’m probably not going to have control. It’s going to be fast but I’ll warn you when I’m about to come.” I gently said.

Her eyes flew wide and she looked up at me.

“It’s okay, I’m going to warn you.” I whispered.

She relaxed again and focused on my dick. She took another inch in, I could feel her tongue swirling around my length. Her hot and wet mouth surrounding me. I fought the urge to thrust my hips up. I stayed still as her mouth did all the work.

She moved her hand, stroking my length while her head began to bob up and down the tip of my cock. I only let her take seven or eight stroke and my body began to tighten under her touch.

“I’m going to come, Tanya…” I warned her. My whole body clenched and when I couldn’t hold it in any longer, I exploded right into her sweet beautiful mouth. My body limped against the headboard, trying to recover from a mindless state of orgasm. 

After a few seconds, she lifted away from me. She looked around frantically while holding my come in her mouth. I reached for the glass that was sitting on the bedside table and before I could hand it to her, she tightly closed her eyes and gulped it down. My muscle tensed at what she did. She opened her eyes and stared at me. We stared at each other for a few seconds before I pulled her up to me, hugging her tightly. We both broke into laugher.

After our laughter died down, I kissed the side of her face. I ran my lips to her ear. “That was so good, angel. Thank you.”

“Was I good?” She shyly asked, her cheeks turning red.

“Pwede na.” I shrugged carelessly. She looked at me, hurt evident in her eyes and then she pouted. “After about twenty or thirty tries, you’ll get it right.”

Once she realized I was just kidding, she rolled her eyes and let out a small chuckle.

“Loko ka talaga.” She playfully pinched my side.

She gasped at the sudden movement when I maneuvered her, pinning her down to the bed. “Now it’s my turn, angel.”

My head lowered to her stomach and gave it butterfly kisses. My eyes were still fixed on hers, watching the amused expression on her face. I smiled to myself and lowered a bit more. I pushed her legs apart and stuck my tongue. Gently as a breath, I licked her folds, tasting her sweetness, breathing her in. Her legs quivered at the contact. She tasted as sweet and innocent as she looked.

She was soaking wet and ready for me. I lapped at her clit flicking it with the tip of my tongue, rasping that little pearl with feverish determination. He legs bucked as she moaned and whimpered. When I felt that she was going to come, I stopped. She let out a whine of protest. I lifted my head up and leveled it to hers.

“You know I love you, right?” I gently whispered

Tanya nodded her head.

“Angel, you have to promise me you’ll remember that.” I said.

“I promise.” She said in her soft voice.

“Good. Because I’m going to fuck you like I don’t.” I flipped over to her stomach. Tanya gasped in shock at what I did. I firmly held her waist and positioned myself behind her. I pounded into her warm and wet tightness. Her body immediately clenched around me, she was already so aroused. I held unto the headboard for support. I pumped in and out of her, over and over, harder with each thrust, taking every bit of desire she made me feel and using it as a fuel. The whole bed rocked along with me. I could feel myself nearing another orgasm.

Her insides clenched around me tighter and she wailed out as she came. I could feel her throbbing around my dick. I thrust one last time, my fingers almost digging into her skin, and with a throaty groan I poured myself inside her. We both collapsed on the bed. I rolled the next to her as I tried to catch my breath.

She was still laying in her stomach with her head turned away from me. I reached over to touch her hair and her shoulders began to shake, as if she was silently crying.

“Tanya?” I scooted closer to her. “Did… did I hurt you?”

“Hindi…” She said in a raspy voice. “Hindi, ikaw… Namimiss ko lang ang nanay.”

I maneuvered us into a spooning position, my arms wrapping around her waist. I could feel almost feel the sadness, her emptiness, her hollowness. She tried to distract herself away from it all. I wish I was able to take away the weight of the world that was resting on her shoulders and put it on the top of my own. If I could, I would take all the pain so she never have to feel it. I may not be as strong but my body could handle more than her ever could. She was so fragile, so soft.

“I’m here, I promise. I’m not going anywhere.” I whispered to her ear as she silently cried. Being there for her was the most I could do while she heals.

I remember a lecture in one of my class about the exchange of powers. When a man loves a woman, she becomes his weakness and when a woman loves a man he becomes her strength. It was true. She’d become my weakness and I wanted to be her strength.

Chapter Twenty Four

Wayne’s POV

I woke up to the feeling of something soft and warm brushing against the back of my neck. I moaned and turned my head. My eyes were still heavy but I forced it open. Even with my sight still blurry and adjusting, I could already see the soft and angelic face of Tanya.

“Good morning.” She softly said, pressing his lips on my forehead.

“Morning.” I lazily answered and wrapped my arms around her waist. “Such a beautiful way to start my day.”

“Nagluto ako ng almusal. Chineck ko ang class schedule mo, may klase ka ng nine thirty kaya bumangon ka na d’yan.” She chuckled, taking my arm and trying to playfully pull me.

I was bigger and stronger than her, she wouldn’t be able to pull me out of bed. In just a tug, she landed on top of me. My hands went down to her waist encircling my arms around it.

“Wayne, ano ka ba?” She laughingly said, pushing herself up away from me. One of my hand lowered to her buttocks and she gasped when I gave it a good squeeze. “Wayne… yung pagkain, baka lumamig.”

“The food can wait.” I buried my face into her neck.

“Hindi dapat pinaghihintay ang pagkain.” She said, trying to squirm out of my arms. “Mag-almusal muna tayo.”

“Then?” My brow arched up.

“Tapos magshoshower tayo.”

“Together?” I grinned.

A shy smile appeared on her lips and she nodded her head. Oh my sweet Tanya… Her innocence remained unchanged. I guess it was her nature, it was part of who she was. And that made me love her even more. She was as pure as an angel. So soft and feminine.

“Fine. You sure know exactly what to do to make me get out of bed.” I chuckled, shaking my head. I jumped out of bed and followed her to the kitchen. The delicious aroma of food that filled my nostrils the moment I stepped into the kitchen. It instantly made my mouth water.

Tanya and I had been living together for almost a month now. She was adjusting pretty well. Being with her had been nothing short of a bliss. Tanya was that kind of woman every man would want for a wife. I was perfectly aware of how lucky I was to have her as my woman and I would never take that for granted.

“Mmm… smells delicious.” I rubbed my tummy as I looked at the food on the table. Garlic rice, tocino and longganisa. We sat and ate together. After finishing our breakfast, we took a bath together just as she promised. And we did more than take a bath.

“Let’s dine out tonight.” I said as I pulled over in front of her school.

“Bakit? Nagsasawa ka na ba sa luto ko?” She jokingly said.

“Hindi naman sa ganon. I just want to take you out tonight.”

“Sana naman sa hindi mamahaling restaurant. Alam mo naman di ako kumportableng kumain sa mga ganon at saka di ako pamilyar sa mga pagkain.” She pouted cutely.

“Don’t worry. I know you don’t like those places. I swear, you’ll love where I’m taking you.” I chuckled a little. Nipping her chin in between my two fingers and tilting her head. I stopped when our lips were only a few milimeters apart. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

She smiled and nodded before pressing a kiss on my lips. I caught and gently bit the bottom of her lips before she could pull her head away. I sank my finger through her hair and held her face still. I couldn’t get enough of her even after having her just this morning.

I felt her pushing me away when my tongue delved into her mouth. She pulled her head away from me.

“Ano ka ba? Baka may makakita sa atin, nakakahiya.” She giggled, looking around if anybody had seen us. “Bababa na ako, baka malate na ako sa klase. Ikaw din, pumasok ka na.”

“Not until you say you love me.” I grinned.

She chuckled and then looked at me straight in the eyes. “I love you, Wayne. Mahal na mahal na mahal kita.”

“I love you, too, angel. Ikaw lang.”

Tanya’s POV

“Kita na lang tayo bukas.” Sabi ni Edna sa akin nang makalabas na kami sa campus.

“Sige, bukas na lang.” Paalam ko sa kanya. Nang akmang aalis na siya ay biglang dumating naman si Margaux.

“Hoy, ikaw pokpok ka!” Dinuro niya ako habang papalapit siya sa akin. Biglang natigilan si Edna at pumagitna sa amin bago siya makalapit.

“Anong problema mo sa kaibigan ko?” Kunot ang noong tanong niya.

“Your friend is a man stealing whore! Pokpok yang babaeng yan!” Malakas na sigaw niya na nakakuha nang atensyon ng ibang mga tao. “How does it feel, Tanya? You were just some prostitute Wayne found in the blue book ngayon binabahay ka na niya?”

“Itsura nito! Tignan mo nga yang suot mo, mas mukha ka pang pokpok kaysa sa kaibigan ko.” Mataray na tinignan siya nin Edna mula ulo hanggang paa. Sa amin dalawa, si Edna talaga ang mas matapang.

“You stay out of this.

“Edna, okay lang.” Pigil ko sa kanya. “Ako na ang bahala dito.”

“Gold digging whore, pati ang nanay mo nakinabang sa pera ni Wayne. Mga mangagamit kayo.”

“Huwag mong idadamay ang nanay ko dito.” Kusang kumuyom ang mga palad ko.

“Bakit? You’re mad because it’s true.” Tumaas ang isang sulok ng labi niya nang makita ang reaksyon ko. Ito ang gusto niya, ang magalit ako. Dahan-dahan siyang lumapit sa akin. “Manggagamit kayo ng nanay mo. She let you whore yourself out. Baka nga siya pa ang nangbubugaw—”

Parang may sariling isip ang kamay kong umangat ito at dumapo sa mukha niya. Nanlalaki ang mga matang tinitigan niya ako habang sapu-sapo ang pisngi. Kahit ako nagulat sa ginawa ko.

“Buti nga sa’yo!” Sabi ni Edna.

“You whore!” Tagis ang bagang na sabi niya bago umangat ang dalawang kamay niya at naramdaman ko na lang ang paghatak niya sa buhok ko. Mas matangkad sa akin si Margaux kaya di ko siya maabot ng subukan ko siyang itulak palayo sa akin. Kung anu-anong insulto ang ibinato niya sa akin habang sinasabunutan niya ako.

“Bitiwan mo ang kaibigan ko!” Sinubukan akong tulungan ni Edna na hatakin palayo si Margaux mula sa akin pero tinulak lang siya nito gamit ang isang kamay.

“Margaux, what the hell are you doing?” Narinig ko ang galit na boses ni Wayne habang nagmamadaling tumatakbo palapit sa akin. Marahas niyang hinablot ang mga kamay ni Margaux at inilayo siya sa akin. Mabilis naman akong dinaluhan ni Edna at tinanong kung okay lang ba ako. Tango lang ang naisagot ko.

“You and your slut can go to hell!” Galit na sigaw ni Margaux.

“Will you just fucking leave us alone?!” Wayne shook Margaux as he was holding her by her wrists. “Lay a hand on Tanya again and I swear to God, kalilimutan kong babae ka!”

“Ano bang nakita mo sa babaeng iyan! She is just using you! You’re her meal ticket and you know it.” Marahas na binawi ni Margaux ang mga kamay niya.

“Shut up! Wala kang alam kay Tanya.”

“Oh I do know her… she’s a gold digging whore who was lucky enough to find a stupid guy like you.” Tinapunan ako ng matalim na titig ni Margaux. “Nagpapaloko ka sa babaeng yan. You think she love you? She wants your money, not you.”

“Just fucking shut up, Margaux. Why can’t you just leave us alone? Leave Tanya alone.” Tiim ang bagang at kontrolado pero galit na sabi ni Wayne. “I’m not kidding. If you hurt Tanya again, hindi ko alam kung ano ang posibleng magawa ko sa’yo. No matter what you do, I’m never going to get back with you.”

“Okay.” Kibit balikat na sagot niya. “Pero kapag iniwan ka na niya dahil nakuha na niya ang gusto niya, you can thank me.” She smiled eerily sweetly.

Humugot ng malalim na hininga si Wayne. “I don’t want to waste time fighting with you, Margaux. Just go.”

Tumingkayad siya at kalmanteng dinampian ng halik si Wayne sa pisngi habang nakatitig sa akin. Agad na umiwas si Wayne. “What the hell are you doing?”

“I always get my way. Always. And if I can’t have you then neither can she.” Mababa at madilim ang tonong sabi ni Margaux bago siya tumalikod. Sandali namin siyang pinanood na naglakad at pumasok sa kotseng nakaparada sa di kalayuan at umalis na. Agad nabaling ang atensyon sa akin ni Wayne.

Ikinulong niya ang mukha ko sa mga palad niya at hinaplos haplos ang pisngi ko gamit ang daliri niya. “Are you okay?”

Tumango ako. Isinuklay niya ang mga daliri niya sa buhok ko bago niya ako kinabig palapit sa kanya at binigyan ng halik sa noo. “I’m sorry, angel.”

“Okay ka lang talaga, Tanya?” Paniniguarado ni Edna.

“Okay lang ako.” Pinilit kong ngumiti.

“Mukha nga.” Ngumiti din siya sa akin bago tumingin kay Wayne. “O, ikaw na bahala sa kaibigan ko. Aalis na ko.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Sabi ni Wayne at umalis na si Edna.

“I’m so sorry, Tanya…” Ito na ang panglimang beses na humingi siya nang tawad sa akin. Mula sa manibela ng kotse, ibinaba niya ang isang kamay niya para kunin ang kamay ko. Dinala niya ito sa labi niya at hinalikan.

“Stop saying sorry. Hindi mo naman kasalanan yun.” Sabi ko sa kanya.

“But I promised you that I wouldn’t let anyone hurt you.” Bumuntong-hininga siya.

“Hindi mo kontrolado ang isip ni Margaux.”

“I should’ve been there to protect you.”

“Di naman ako masyadong nasaktan. Huwag munang isipin iyon.”

“This day should be perfect and then Margaux came and ruined everything.” Humugot na ulit siya ng malalim na buntong-hininga. Itinigil niya ang kotse sa harap ng isang madilim na lugar.

Pumihit ang ulo ko sa kanya. “Ano’ng ginagawa natin dito?”

Hindi siya sumagot. Binuksan niya ang pinto sa tabi niya at tumakbo siya sa side ko at binuksan ang pinto para sa akin. Madilim na ang park dahil gabi na pero nang lumapit kami nagbukasan ang mga ilaw. May mga nakasabit na ilaw sa mga puno na parang christmas lights. Sa gitna ng lugar, may nakalatag na tela sa ibabaw ng damuhan.

“Wayne, ano ’to?” Tanong ko sa kanya.

Ngiti lang ang sinagot niya sa akin bago niya kinuha ang kamay ko at hinatak niya iyon. Umupo kami sa gitna ng telang nakalatag. Pinaupo niya ako sa harap niya, sa pagitan ng mga hita niya, sumandal ang likod ko sa dibdib niya. Kitang-kita ko ang mga ilaw mula sa mga bahay at buildings na nasa baba nito. Napasinghap ako sa ganda ng tanawin.

“You like it, angel?” Naramdaman ko ang mga labi niya sa tainga ko.

“Ang ganda.” Mangha pa rin na sabi ko bago pumihit ang ulo ko sa kanya. Sinalubong niya ako ng halik sa labi. “Ano ba ang okasyon ngayon?” Tanong ko ng maghiwalay ang mga labi namin.

“You said you don’t want anything fancy. I thought you’d love a night picnic under the stars.” Sabi niya habang binibigyan ng maliliit na halik ang balikat ko.

“I want this night to be special.” Kinuha niya ang isang kamay ko at nilaro-laro ang daliri ko. “When it feels like the happiest days are behind me you always prove that there are more. Every second with you I feel like I can just exist. When I’m with you I feel like I’m always dreaming. You’re so perfect and so beautiful and I just can’t believe reality.”

Habang nagsasalita siya naramdaman kong may isinuot siya sa daliri ko. Nagbaba ako ng tingin at nakita ang singsing na nakasuot doon. Isang rose gold na singsing na may maliliit na diamond. Sa gitna noon nakasulat ang mga letrang T&W .

“Wayne, ano ’to?” Kunot ang noong tanong ko sa kanya.

“It’s a promising ring.” Sagot niya. “A promise that until the day that we’re ready to get engaged I’m commited to you and only to you. I don’t want to be with anyone else when I’ve already found the girl that makes me happier than I could ever imagine.”

Uminit ang sulok ng mga mata ko habang nakatingin sa singsing na nasa kamay ko. “Wayne, it’s beautiful.”

“When I think of a future I could only see us together. When I think of it, the only certainty that I know is that I want you to be in it. I want the future that you pictured; a modest three bedroom house with a huge backyard and white picket fence around it. I want you to be a part of my life forever and when I think about the person I want to spend all my days with, it’s you. There are no variations. It’s always you, everytime. Mahal na mahal kita, Tanya.”

“Mahal na mahal din kita.” Naluluhang sabi ko. May suot akong silver na singsing na naksauot sa kanang kamay ko. Hinubad ko iyon at kinuha ko ang kamay niya.

“Ikaw ang unang lalaking minahal ko at ipinapangako ko na ikaw lang ang lalaking mamahalin ko. Ikaw lang ang lalaking gusto kong makasama habang-buhay. Ang lalaking pakakasalanan ko at magiging ama ng mga anak ko.” Pigil ang paghikbing sabi ko bago ko sinubukan isuot iyon sa daliri niya. Sinubukan kong isuot iyon sa palasingsingan niya pero pareho kaming natawa ng di magkasya iyon at sa hinliliit lang nagkasya iyon.

“Hindi mo naman kasi sinabi sa akin, sana nakapaghanda ako.” Sabi ko sa kanya.

“Don’t worry about it. I like the ring, it looks good on my pinkie.” Natatawang sabi niya.

Naglabas si Wayne nang mga pagkain mula sa picnic basket sa tabi namin at nagpatugtog siya. We enjoyed a nice dinner together while watching the view. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako titinging, sa mga bituin sa langit o ang mga ilaw mula sa building sa baba namin. The place was just perfect.

Nang matapos kaming kumain, hiniga ni Wayne ang ulo niya sa kandungan ko at tinitigan ang mga bituin. Pinagmasdan ko siya. Napakaswerte ko dahil akin siya. Hindi ko kahit kailan naramdaman na mag-isa ako. Palagi niyang ipinararamdaman na nasa tabi ko lang lagi siya. Kapag umiiyak ako, siya ang nagpapahatid ng mga luha ko at ang naging sandalan ko. It would be hard, even to imagine, a life without Wayne. 

“Alam mo noong namatay ang tatay, palaging sinasabi sa akin ni nanay na isa na siya sa mga bituin sa langit. Ngayon isa na din siya sa milyon-milyong bituin kasama ang tatay.”

“I’m sure she is. I bet tita Esther and your tatay are both looking down on you right now with smiles on their faces.” 

Sandaling naghari ang katahimikan sa pagitan namin habang nakatingin kami sa mga bituin. 

“You know what’s the most interesting about the universe?” Biglang tanong niya sa akin na bumasag ng katahimikan.

“Ano?”

“It always change. It always expand. It’s infinite. Nobody knows where it starts or where it ends. And it’s so unpredictable. Before anyone could catch up on it, it changes.” He said as he was looking up at the stars. “You know what’s even interesting. Some scientist says the creation of the universe was just an accident. It’s made up of chaos, and chance, and coincidence. It’s beautiful and scary at the same time, if you think about it. Something as beautiful as all these makes you doubt if anything really happens by accident or are these all set up intentionally by a greater force.”

“You think too much.” Natatawa na lang na sabi ko.

“If I were to learn that it was, I don’t know how I would react.” Nagpakawala siya ng malalim na buntong-hininga. “I feel like I’ve known you forever, angel. I don’t believe in past lives but why does it feel like we’ve had a thousand lives weighing on our shoulders, waiting for us to get here? I feel like you were given to me to keep me sane. You’re my angel, Tanya. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“Di ko din alam ang gagawin ko kapag nawala ka sa akin. Huwag mo akong iiwan. Ikaw na lang ang meron ako.” Mahinang sabi ko habang sinusuklay ang mga daliri ko sa buhok niya.

Tumingin siya sa mga mata ko at tumaas ang kamay niya para haplusin ang pisngi ko. “I won’t leave you. That will never happen, Tanya.”

Chapter Twenty Five

Wayne’s POV

“You said you want to talk to me?” I asked, sitting down on the armchair in front of his desk. Last night, I received an email from my father telling me to immediately come to his office because we had an urgent matter we needed to discuss. I rarely see my dad. I’d be lucky if we see each other twice in a month.

He was reading some documents when he got there. He lifted his gaze up to me and set the folder aside. He clasped his hands together in front of him as he looked at me. My father had always looked serious, calm, and calculatedly refined. When you see him, you’d know that he was a no-nonsense kind of guy.

“Tama ba ang mga naririnig kong balita tungkol sa’yo?” He asked with a hint of controlled anger in his voice.

“What?” My brows furrowed.

“You have a woman living in your condo unit with you.” He said.

My heart started beating fast. I opened my mouth to say something but closed it back when I couldn’t find any words to say. I didn’t know how to explain to him about Tanya. I didn’t where to start.

“Is that true, Wayne?” He gave me a sharp glare.

“Yes, Dad.” I answered quietly.

“Gaano katagal na ito?”

“Almost two months.”

I saw how his expression darkened even more.

“Pinabayaan kita sa mga gusto mong gawin. I gave you your freedom while giving you money to spend on anything you want. I pay all your bills and everything you have now, every cent you have is from me.” His voice boomed throughout the room. I could tell that he was really pissed off. He rarely loses his cool like this. “Hindi maganda ang record mo sa eskwelahan, palagi kang bagsak sa klase dahil bihira ka lang pumasok… I put up with all that, Wayne. Kahihiyaan para sa akin ang mga katarantaduhan na ginagawa mo. Your actions reflect on me, my reputation! And then I find out you’re letting a prostitute live with you?”

“Tanya is not a prostitute!” I threw him a sharp look as my jaw clenched. I tried to hold my anger in at his harsh words. I was so angry I could feel hot blood pounding in my head but I tried to hold my emotions back. “Malinis na babae si Tanya. Wala kang alam sa kanya. How dare you say that? You don’t even know shit about me, your own son.”

“I had her investigated, Wayne.” He took out a folder from his desk cabinet. “Kabilang siya sa mga babae sa isang Blue Book kung tawagin? That’s where you found her, right? She’s a student prostitute. I never thought you’d stoop that low.”

“She is not a fucking prostitute, dad!” I frustratedly slammed my fists on his desk.

“Do not use that language on me, young man. Baka nakakalimutan mo, you are living off my money. You maxed out your credit card because you funded her mother’s medical bills. Ako ang nagbabayad ng lahat nang iyon.” He calmly said, not paying attention to my anger and frustration, as he was scanning through the documents. “And now you’re letting a harlot live in a condo unit that I bought for you? Ano bang pumasok diyan sa isip mo?”

“Dad, I don’t want to argue with you.” I tried to get a grip of my raging emotions. “Mali ka nang iniisip tungkol kay Tanya. She is not what you think she is. Yes, she had herself listed in the blue book, she needed the money because her mother was sick.”

“Wala akong pakialam sa kung anuman ang rason niya. I want her out of your condo unit and your life. Get rid of her.” He firmly said.

I shook my head. “No… I’ll do anything but that.”

“Do not try me, Wayne. You have gone way beyond your boundaries. This is where I draw the line.” He said in a still calm but furious tone. “Huwag mo akong subukan kung ayaw mong gumawa ako ng bagay na di mo magugustuhan.”

“I don’t even care anymore. Do whatever you want.”

“You are just like your mother, Wayne Cameron.” There was bitterness in his voice. “Hindi ko alam kung saan ako nagkamali sa pagpapalaki sa’yo… Di mo na inisip ang kahihiyan aabutin ko kapag nalaman ito nang ibang tao? Of all the woman, you picked a harlot. Di ko alam kung anong utak meron ka. Minsan iniisip ko kung sinasadya mo ba talaga ito para dungisan ang pangalan ko. You’re a disgrace to our family, just like Almira.”

My palms clenched into fists. That was the worst insult I had ever heard in my whole life and that insult came from my own father. I never wanted to be like my mother. I despised her.

“Well, what do you expect? I’m her son.” One corner of my lips lifted into a bitter smirk. “Sorry I’m not like your two perfect children. I’m Almira’s son. I’m just like her, a fuck up. And you didn’t raise me, you treated me like a goddamn plant! You spent money on me but never your time.”

I didn’t wait for him to say something. I got up from my seat and left with a heavy heart. I never had a good relationship with my father. We never had a good relationship. We’d always been distant with each other. We never liked it each other but to here those words from my own father was still heart breaking.

I opened the door to my house and saw Tanya walking out from the kitchen. She greeted me with that cute smile of hers. I immediately walked up to her and hugged her. I hugged her like I never had before. It was all I needed now. She was all I needed.

“O, bakit?” She asked, worry in her tone as she rubbed my back.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, angel.” I sighed.

She was the home I’d never had.I’d always felt like there was something missing in my life and she was the patch my heart needed, the one who had filled that gap in my chest. She was what I’d been searching for my whole life. She was my home. Always. Home isn’t just a space of brick and walls that hold. It’s the comfort of knowing that I’d always have something to return to, of knowing I’m never alone. She gave me that security and the calm I needed. 

“Ano bang nangyayari sa’yo?” She chuckled a little. “Nagkita naman tayo kaninang umaga.”

“Nothing.” I said, pulling away from the hug and cupping her face. I kissed her on the forehead. “I just had a rough day.”

“Bakit? Ano bang nangyari?” Her brows furrowed as her doe-like eyes looked at me. Her hand raised to touch my cheek, it tingled with warmth that made me sigh again. Her touch alone could turn my world upside down. The tenderness of it soothes my pain away.

“I’m just tired.” I said.

“Gusto mo munang kumain bago ka magpahinga? Nagluto na ako ng dinner natin.” She smiled.

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Ano bang niluto mo ngayon?” I asked.

“Yung paborito mo.” 

I wrapped an arm around the smallest of her waist and we both headed towards the dining room. I could care less about anything right now as long as I have her hear in my arms. I won’t need anything else but her. She was everything to me. I’ll face anything, climb any mountain with her by my side. 

Tanya’s POV

Mas maaga sa akin ng dalawang oras ang unang klase ni Wayne kaya nagsabay lang kaming mag-almusal at umalis na siya. Katatapos ko lang maligo at nagsuot na ako ng uniform. Nasa harap ako ng salamin at nagsusuklay ng buhok ng marinig ko ang doorbell.

Kumunot ang noo ko. Wala naman sinabi sa akin si Wayne na may darating siyang bisita? At kung meron man, itatawag naman mula sa baba iyon. Naisip ko na baka siya lang rin iyon at nakalimutan siguro ang susi niya. Ibinaba ko ang suklay na hawak ko at lumabas ng kwarto. Nang buksan ko ang pinto, tumambad sa harap ko ang isang lalaki. Matangkad ang lalaki, matipuno at hawig ni Wayne.

“Good morning.” Pormal na bati niya sa akin.

Ilang segundo ang lumipas bago ako nakasagot sa kanya. “G-good morning din po.”

His presence was intimadating. His authority was apparent.

“You’re Tanya, am I right?”

“Opo.” Sagot ko.

“I’m Enrico St. Croix, Wayne’ father.”

Wala akong rason para hindi maniwala sa sinasabi ng lalaki sa harap ko. Kamukhang-kamukha siya ni Wayne.

“Kaaalis lang po niya kani-kanina lang.” Niluwagan ko ang bukas ng pinto. Kabastusan naman kung pababayaan ko lang siyang nakatayo doon at hindi ko siya imbitahan sa loob. “Pasok po kayo. Pasensya na po, di po ako nakapaghanda. Hindi naman po sinabi sa akin ni Wayne na darating kayo.”

“It’s alright. Ikaw ang pinunta ko dito.” Humakba siya papasok. Umikot ang paningin niya sa loob ng bahay bago siya muling tumingin sa akin.

Kinakabahan na nga ako ngayong kasama ko ang daddy ni Wayne at mas lalo pa akong kinabahan sa sinabi niya. Inaya ko siyang umupo sa may couch.

“Gusto niyo po ng maiinom?” Magalang na tanong ko.

“ Hindi na. Pumunta ako dito para makausap ka.“ Sabi nito. “Maupo ka muna.”

Sinunod ko ang sabi niya. Umupo ako sa single armchair na nasa kaliwa ng couch.

“Hindi na ako mag-aaksaya ng oras at didiretsahin na kita. Hindi kita gusto para sa anak ko.” Walang kakurapkurap na sabi nito.

Napalunok ako. Parang nahulog ang puso ko sa tiyan ko. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong isagot o sabihin sa kanya.

“I gave my son the best of everything and I only want the best for him.” Tinitigan niya ako ng diretso sa mga mata. “Hindi ako katulad mong babae ang gusto ko para sa anak ko. I don’t know want him fooling around with some harlot he met through the blue book.”

Parang pinipiga ang dibdib ko sa mga salitang binitawan niya. Gusto kong magsalita pero hindi ko mahanap ang boses ko.

“I want you out of my son’s life. Layuan mo ang anak ko.” Muli siyang nagsalita matapos ang ilang segundong katahimikan.

“Hindi ko po kayang gawin ang hinihiling niyo.” Mahinang sabi ko nang makaipon ako ng sapat na lakas ng loob.

“He’s just fooling around with you, hija. Kilala ko ang anak ko. He’s using you to rebel against me. Akala mo ba seseryosohin niya ang isang katulad mo? He’d dated a lot of women in the past. Mga babaeng galing sa maaayos na pamilya, mga may pinag-aralan, mga babaeng mas higit pa sa’yo. Once he gets tired of you, he’s going to leave you just like he did to the others.”

Sunod-sunod akong umiling. “Hindi po totoo ’yan. Mahal niya po ako, sabi niya hindi niya ako iiwan.”

“Don’t be naive.” He let out a low chuckle. “He doesn’t love you. Wayne is just bored with his life. He needs you to keep himself entertained. Talaga bang iniisip mong seseryosohin ka ng anak ko? You are a whore. Sana alam mo kung saan ka dapat lumugar.”

Naramdaman ko ang panunuyo ng lalamunan ko. Nagbaba ako ng tingin. Nanliliit ako sa sarili ko. I tried to collect myself and keep my composure. I could feel his disgust as he looked at me. Sobrang sakit pala kapag nanggaling sa mismong magulang ng taong mahal mo ang salitang iyon.

“Isa kang kahihiyan sa pamilya namin. I do not want to be associated with you in anyway. That’s what Wayne wants to do. Gusto niyang ipahiya ako kaya niya ito ginagawa. How much money would it take to make you leave him?”

“Mahal ko po si Wayne. Hindi ko po ipinagbibili ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya.” Nanginginig ang boses na sabi ko. I bit my lower lip to keep it from quivering.

“Lumayo ka sa anak ko.” Muling sabi niya bago dumukot sa loob ng coat niya. May inilabas siyang mahabang papel mula doon at ipinatong iyon sa coffee table. “Here’s a two hundred fifty thousand pesos check. Siguro naman sapat na yan para sa’yo?”

Chapter Twenty Six

Tanya’s POV

Nakaupo ako sa gilid ng kama nang ipulupot ni Wayne ang bisig niya sa balakang ko at idinantay ang ulo sa balikat ko. Nag-iwan siya ng maliliit na halik doon.

“Hey.” Mahinang sabi niya habang patuloy sa paghalik sa balikat ko. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”

“Wayne.” Pumihit ang ulo ko sa kanya. Tinaas ko ang isang kamay ko para isuklay sa buhok niya.

“Hmm?” Dahan-dahan gumapang ang halik niya mula sa balikat ko papunta sa leeg ko. “What, angel?”

“Mahal na mahal kita. Kahit ano’ng mangyari ikaw lang ang lalaking mamahalin ko.” I swallowed, feeling the lump forming in my throat.

Tumigil siya sa paghalik sa akin at inangat ang ulo niya para titigan ako sa mga mata. Marahan niyang hinaplos niya ang pisngi ko. “Is something wrong?”

Pilit akong ngumiti at umiling. “Wala… ayaw ko lang makalimutan mo yun. Ipangako mo sa akin na hindi mo kalilimutan iyon.”

“Of course, I won’t.” Ngumiti siya sa akin at hinalikan ang tungki ng ilong ko. “I love you too, angel. Nothing will ever change that.”

I shifted my body, turning to him. Ipinulupot ko ang mga bisig ko leeg niya at naramdaman ko din ang mahigpit na pagyakap niya sa akin. Hinayaan niyang bumagsak ang katawan niya sa malambot na kama at bumagsak din ako sa ibabaw niya.

Hindi naghiwalay ang mga labi namin. Lalong lumalim ang halik niya sa akin at nagsimulang maglakbay ang mga kamay niya sa katawan ko. Naramdaman kong huminto ito sa dulo ng suot kong duster. Dahan-dahan niyang itinaas iyon, inangat ko ang katawan ko para tulungan siyang hubarin ang damit ko. Nang mahubad niya iyon ay sandali niyang tinitigan ang katawan ko. Wala akong suot na bra at tanging pang-ibabang underwear na lang ang natitirang saplot ko.

Naglalabos ang nag-aapoy na tingin sa mga mata niya. Ilang beses niya nang nakita at nahawakan ang kabuuan ko pero para pa rin akong natutunaw sa tingin niyang iyon. Pinigilan ko ang sarili ko na takpan ang dibdib ko.

Tumaas ang kamay niya at hinawakan ang magkabilang balakang ko. Hinaplos niya ang tagiliran ko bago huminto ang mga iyon sa ilalim ng dibdib ko. He cupped his hands around my breasts. Napasinghap ako ng maramdaman ko ang pagdaloy ng kuryente sa buong katawan ko nang maglaro ang mga daliri niya sa tuktok ng dibdib ko.

“Wayne…” Ungol ko sa pangalan niya.

Hinila niya ako at muling naglapat ang mga katawan namin. Itinaas niya ng konti ang katawan ko at itinapat ang dibdib ko sa ulo niya. He pulled me down to him and began suckling my breast. Binigyan niya din ng parehong atensyon ang kaliwang dibdib ko. Paulit-ulit kong sinambit ang pangalan niya.

Makaraan ang ilang sandali, itinulak niya ako sa kama at siya naman ang pumaibabaw sa akin. He started taking off his shirt. Tinulungan ko naman siya sa paghubad ng pang-ibabang pajama niya. Tumambad sa harap ko ang hubad na katawan ni Wayne.

Hinawakan ko sa mga kamay ko ang pagkalalaki niya at napahugot siya ng malalim na hininga. Gumalaw ang mga kamay ko ngunit mabilis niya akong hinawakan at pinigilan.

“I want to pleasure you first, angel.” Paos ang tinig na sabi niya.

Maingat na itinulak niya ako pahiga at bumaba ang ulo niya sa tiyan ko. Nag-iwan siya ng maliliit na halik dun at nagsimulang gumapang pababa ang mga labi niya. Napaungol ako ng maramdaman ko ang mainit niyang labi sa ibabaw ng tanging natitirang tela sa katawan ko. Dumampi ang mga labi niya sa ibabaw ng kaselanan ko. Kahit may tela pang nakatakip doon, ramdam ko pa rin ang init ng hininga niya sa ibabaw ng pagkababae ko.

Umangat ang kamay niya at hinawakan ang garter ng underwear ko. Ibinaba niya iyon hanggang sa mahubad niya ito. Pagkatapos ay bumaba din ang mga mata niya sa pagkababae ko.

“Beautiful.” Sabi niya at naramdapan ko ang init ng palad niya sa ibabaw nito. “You’re so beautiful, angel.”

He traced my slit with one finger. Umangat ang balakang ko, hinahabol ang sensasyon na ibinigay niya sa akin.

“Please, Wayne.” Mahinang pakiusap ko sa kanya.

Bumaba ang ulo niya doon at ang sunod ko na lang naramdaman ay ang pagtakip ng mainit na labi niya sa pagkababae ko. Ipinatong niya ang mga hita ko sa balikat niya. I moaned and grabbed the bedsheet at the intensity of the sensation. His tongue delved in between folds. Napaigti ako ng diniinan niya iyon sa pinakasensitibong parte ko. He sucked on it while his fingers played on my opening.

“Wayne… Wayne…” Bumilis ang paghinga ko, tumaas-baba ang dibdib ko habang paulit-ulit kong tinatawag ang pangalan niya.

He pushed his finger in at lalong lumakas ang ungol ko. I could feel the warmth pooling in my stomach. He began to thrust his fingers in and out of me as he sucked on my sensitive nub. My body stiffened as the sensation grew and grew. Isinigaw ko ang pangalan niya nang maramdaman ko ang paglabas ng init na iyon.

Naghahabol nang hiningang inirelax ko ang katawan ko. Makalipas ang ilang sandali ay inangat niya ang ulo niya sa akin at dumagan siya sa ibabaw ko. Lumapat ang mga labi niya sa labi ko. Tinugon ko nang mainit na halik iyon.

Ipinusisyon niya na ang katawan niya sa ibabaw ko. Naramdaman ko ang pagkalalaki niya sa lagusan ko. He thrusted in and he groaned against my lips. Nagsimula siyang gumalaw sa ibabaw ko at niyakap ko siya ng mahigpit at mas lalong lumalim ang halik niya sa akin.

His tongue explored my mouth as he moved faster on top of me. After a few more thrust, he shuddered and colapsed on top of me. Naghahabol ng hiningang isinubsob niya ang mukha niya sa leeg ko. Makalipas ang ilang sandali ay umalis na siya sa ibabaw ko at humiga sa tabi ko.

Siniksik ko ang katawan ko sa tagiliran niya at inunan ang ulo ko sa dibdib niya. Tahimik na nilaro ng mga daliri niya ang buhok ko. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath, taking in his scent, wanting to engrave it in my mind. He smelled musky and sweaty and manly in the best way. Sinasamsam ko ang bawat minuto, bawat segundong kasama ko siya. Ang amoy niya, ang init ng katawan niya, ang paghinga niya, ang ritmo at pagtibok ng puso niya. Para kahit man lang sa isip ko pwedeng kong balik-balikan ang mga sandaling kasama ko siya.

Kinuha niya ang isang kamay ko at pinagsalikop niya ang mga daliri namin pagkatapos ay dinala niya ito sa labi niya para halikan ang likod ng kamay ko.

“Thank you for coming into my life, Tanya. I can’t imagine a life without you in it. You’re one of the very few things that give me peace in this world. You calm my soul despite the chaos around me.” Mahinang bulong niya at hinalikan niya ang buhok ko.

Nagsimulang mamuo ang mainit na likido sa gilid ng mga mata ko. Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga at nilunok ang hikbi na gustong kumawala sa lalamunan ko. Sumikip ang dibdib ko at parang gustong tumigil sa pagtibok ang puso ko. Ang bigat ng pakiramdam ko. Para bang naipon sa loob nun ang lahat ng luhang pinipigilan ko.

“I’ll be incomplete without you because you’re the better half of me. You’re the only half I need.” Sabi niya.

Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko at tuluyan ng tumulo ang luha ko. Parang pinipiga ang puso ko sa mga sinabi niya. Pumasok sa isip ko lahat ng sinabi sa akin ng daddy ni Wayne. Naglalaban ang isip at puso ko pero buo na ang desisyon ko. Kung ako lang ang masusunod ayaw ko siyang iwan. Pero ayaw ko din masira ang buhay niya dahil sa akin.

Alam ng Diyos kung gaano ko siya kamahal. Mahal na mahal ko si Wayne. At nakakasiguro ako sa sarili ko na kahit anong mangyari siya lang ang lalaking mamahalin ko. I knew I’d never feel for anyone the same feelings I felt for him. Siya ang tanging lalaking mamahalin ko, ang una at huli ko.

Lumalim na ang paghinga ni Wayne at nang masigurado kong tulog na siya ay bumitiw ako sa kanya. Binigyan ko siya ng isang mabilis na dampi sa labi bago ako tumakbo papunta sa banyo. Doon ko pinakawalan ang luhang kanina ko pa pinipigil. I took a shower and quietly got dressed.

I’m sorry, Wayne.

Akala ko naubos na ang lahat ng luha ko kanina sa loob ng shower pero nang makita ko ulit siya, naiyak na naman ako. Mahimbing siyang natutulog sa ibabaw ng kama. Ito na ba ang huling beses na makikita ko siya? Iyon na ba ang huling beses na mahahawakan at mahahalikan ko siya?

Chapter Twenty Seven

Wayne’s POV

I opened my eyes and found myself alone in bed. I sat up, stretched out my arms and yawned. I usually wake up from Tanya’s kisses and her voice whispering in my ear, telling me to wake up. I got up from bed and put on my boxers before leaving the bedroom to look for her. I opened the door to the living room and sniffed, expecting the smell of a delicious meal only to be greeted by silence.

Did she leave early? Wala akong matandaan na may sinabi siya sa akin na papasok siya nang maaga ngayon. I looked for her all over the house but found nothing. I even tried to call her but her phone was turned off.

I noticed the door to the closet was open and when I checked it, most of her clothes were already gone. I felt a throb in my chest, as if my heart wanted to stop beating. It wanted sink into my gut as the realization started to take over me. My legs felt like it wanted to give in. I sat on the edge of my bed, feeling drained out of all energy.

I propped my elbows to my lap and buried my face into my hands. I wanted to cry but no tears flooded my eyes. I wanted to scream but no would come. I raked my fingers through my hair, my head was throbbing. Why would she leave? We were fine last night. We even made love.

And then I paused, as if a light bulb switched on in my head. My father, he had something to do with this. Tanya wouldn’t leave me for no reason. It wasn’t more than a week ago when he

I put on some clean clothes and got the key to my car. I drove to his office. I angrily marched towards the door to his office and slammed it open.

“What did you do to Tanya?” I roared as I stepped into the room and stopped in front of his desk.

He lifted his gaze up to me. His eyes blinked from behind his glasses. “Sit down.”

“No! Explain to me what you did to my girlfriend!” My chest heaved up and down with so much fury. “Ano’ng ginawa mo? Bakit umalis si Tanya?”

“I paid her.” He said in an apathetic and calm tone.

“You what?” My eyes widened in disbelief.

“I paid her two hundred and fifty thousand pesos to leave you.” He said without batting an eye. “And she took it.”

My head slowly shook. “Hindi magagawa ni Tanya yun. She loves me.”

“Maybe she does.” He shrugged. “But it’s obvious that she loves the money more than she loves you.”

“You’re lying…” I said, almost in a whisper. I felt as if I’d run out of breath.

“Then where is she now?” He cocked his brow. “Why did she leave?”

“Why are you doing this?” I felt my head and my body going numb. Everything felt numb. My body slumped down into the armchair in front of his desk. I couldn’t decide which was more painful, what my father did or Tanya leaving me. I didn’t know who I should hate more. I wanted to scream in anger but I just sat there. I didn’t know what to call these feelings but my insides felt like they had given up on me. It was as if Tanya had carried my world and the moment she was gone, it came crashing down. “She gave me the love I never got from you or my mother. She’s all I have, dad, and you took that away from me.”

“Don’t be an idiot. She just after your money. Ngayon alam mo na kung ano talaga ang habol sa’yo nang babaeng yan.”

“You really want to see me miserable, huh?” My voice slightly shook. “Fine, you win.”

“Wayne, you’re my son. I don’t want you miserable.” There was a sudden softness in his tone. “I’m only doing what I know is best for you.”

“You’re doing what’s best for you.” I said in a low voice.

He let out a deep sigh. “She’s not right for you. You’re still young. Marami ka pang makikilalang babae.”

I only wanted her. He wouldn’t understand and I didn’t want to explain. Gathering enough strength, I pulled myself up and turned towards the door. I felt like my heart had been shattered into million tiny pieces, all I felt everywhere was hurt.

My life for the past two weeks without her was a void. She was all I could think about. I still couldn’t believe she’d leave me for money. Hindi ako naniniwala kay Dad. It wasn’t the Tanya that I knew. It was completely out of her character. She was never materialistic and worldly.

I took a sip of alcohol, trying to drown the neverending ache in my chest. I hadn’t cried since she left. She made me feel so much. She’d always held my emotions in cupped hands until they could lift again. I tried to find her. I went back to her old apartment but she wasn’t there, I asked Edna if she knew where Tanya was, and out of sheer desperation I even contacted Luis. None of the two knew where she was. The pounding pressure on my chest grows heavier and heavier with each passing day.

“You okay?” Nick asked, patting me on the back.

I didn’t answer. We were at a school mate’s party. I wasn’t in the mood to party but I didn’t want to spend another night cooped up in my room. I didn’t want to go home. It wasn’t the same if I had to go back to a room that wasn’t occupied by Tanya. The pain of her absence lingered there. Home wouldn’t be the same if it meant going back without her. 

“Yeah.” I answered. “I’m just… tired.”

“You’re here to enjoy, not to mope around.” Axel said.

“He’s right. C’mon, let’s just look for a lay. Maybe that’ll get your mind off of Tanya.” I felt a pang of pain when Seth mentioned her name.

“No, I’m alright.” I sighed.

They were trying to help. They really were. But nothing could take away this pain away but Tanya. God, I miss coming home to her, I miss having to sleep next to her, I miss her sweet scent, the feel of her soft skin against mine. I miss just being in her presence.

“Dude.” Tristan was walking towards us. “Nakita ko na si Tanya.”

My head snapped up at the mention of her name. My heart felt like it just jumped out of my chest.

“Where is she?”

“Kasama niya si Sasha. Nakita ko silang sumakay ng taxi.”

“Who the hell is Sasha and where did they go?”

“Si Sasha yung kapatid bahay namin. Di ko alam kung saan sila nagpunta, di ko na sila nahabol.”

I sprung out of my seat. “I really need to see her. We need to talk.”

Sumama sila sa akin papunta sa apartment complex na tinutuluyan ni Tristan kung saan kapitbahay niya si Sasha. I drove as fast as I could, the guys even asked me to slow down. I pulled up in front of the complex and I followed Tristan to Sasha’s apartment.

“Oh my god. Mga papa!” A guy with heavy make up on shrieked in a high pitch tone when the door opened. “Nananaginip ba ako?”

“Do you know where Tanya is?” I asked.

“Jodie, saan ba pumunta si Sasha kasama si Tanya?” Si Tristan naman ang nagtanong.

The guy frowned, crossed his arms over his chest and rolled his eyes. “Puro na lang si Sasha ang hinahanap. Kailan bang may poging papa na maghahanap sakin?”

“Where is Tanya?” I impatiently asked again.

“Highblood lang?” He rolled his eyes at me. “Nasa airport na sila!”

“Airport?” My eyes grew big. “What are they doing there?”

“Eh di magfafly na sa Japan.”

“Japan?” I looked at him, puzzled. What was she going to do in Japan? She’d never mentioned this to me.

“Are you bingi? Ano ba ’to? Di ba nakakaintindi ’to ng tagalog, Tristan?” He looked at Tristan and turned his attention back to me. “Tanya and Sasha go to Japan.”

“Baka maabutan pa natin sila.” Nick said.

“Malamang. Palagi naman traffic sa Edsa at tatawag naman sa akin si Sasha.” The guy said. “Papa, ano bang pangalan mo? Baka maibigay ko naman sa inyo ang hinahanap niyo kina Tanya at Sasha.” And then he winked at Nick.

Nick grimaced. “Uh, no. Hindi ako ang may kailangan sa kanila.”

Seth and Axel snickered.

“Come on. Let’s go! We’re going to the airport.” I urgently said.

“Ay ganon? Wala man lang thank you o kiss? Pagkatapos niyong makuha ang gustos niyo sa akin!” I heard the guy shout as we were walking away.

We went back into my car and I drove to the airport. It took us about forty five minutes to get there. I was hoping and praying that I’d still see her.

We headed towards the departure entrance and was stopped by the two securities. “Check ko lang po ang passport niyo.”

“This won’t take long. May hahanapin lang ako lang ako.”

“Hindi kayo pwedeng pumasok ng walang passport.” The guy told us.

“Please, please, just let us in. I just need to find my girlfriend.” I begged.

“Hindi talaga pwede, sir.” Security number two said.

“Please!” I desperately said. “Kahit five minutes lang. Kahit samahan niyo pa ako.”

“Sir, hindi talaga.” He shook his head. “Masisisante kami kapag ginawa namin iyon.”

“Will you please just let us in? I’m Seth Timothy Fonacier, the son of Nelson Fonacier. My father owns the Pacific Pearl Airlines.” Seth said.

“Sorry, sir. Paano naman namin malalaman kung nagsasabi kayo ng totoo? At saka di pa din namin kayo pwedeng papasukin dahil wala nga kayong passport.”

“My father will know of this.” Seth threatened.

“Ginagawa lang namin trabaho namin.” One of the securities said.

Seth and the securities began to argue. There was a huge glass wall where you could see a line of people putting their bags through security screening. A familiar figure caught my attention. Even with her back turned, I recognized her. I’d memorize every curve of her body, every indention that my hands had held. She was wearing a simple white tee and a pair of jeans.

“Tanya…” I uttered her name and then shouted it. “TANYA! TANYA!”

Her head turned and our gaze met. Her eyes widened briefly when she saw me and then a watery film began to coat her eyes. She avoided my gaze and stared hard at the ground.

“There’s my girlfriend! I need to talk to her.” I said walking in but then the securities grabbed me by the arms. I tried to pry my arms loose but they wouldn’t let me go. “Tanya!”

I shouted her name over and over but she ignored me, as if she didn’t hear anything. She turned her back again, putting her bag on the x-ray belt and going in. I shouted until my throat felt was raw and there were hot tears running down my cheeks. She never looked back again. Not a single glimpse.

They called more securities and we were escorted out of the airport. My body sagged like a deadweight when we got into my car. None of the guys spoke. It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

I was still trying to figure out what happened. I was still trying to take it all in. How could something so perfect fall apart so quickly? How could she leave me? Was it that easy for her to walk away? She just left without a word or warning. She left me, just like what my mother did to me. Was it hard to love me? Was it really that easy to leave me? I couldn’t help but feel like it was one of the easiest decision she had ever made.

I loved her with everything I had, with every single part of me. She was my life. And she left me for money. I would’ve given her the world. How could she do this to me? 

Angry tears fell from my eyes that I refused to acknowledge with a wipe from my hand. My teeth grinded against each other in an attempt to stall the oncoming outburst. 

On that day, a part of me died.

Chapter Twenty Eight

Tanya’s POV

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Matagal na mula nang huling beses akong nakaapak sa Pilipinas. Ilang taon na ang nakalipas. Holding a glass of champange in one hand, I looked outside the window. Nagniningning ang mga ilaw sa siyudad, parang mga tala sa lupa.

He crossed my mind again. I took in a deep breath when I felt the growing pressure in my chest. Kumusta na kaya siya? Minsan kaya sumasagip pa rin ako sa isip niya?  Maraming taon na ang lumipas pero hindi ko pa rin siya makalimutan. Some would say it was just a teenage love but to me, it was more than that. Wayne was more than a teenage love. He was the love of my life.

I wondered how he was doing now. May girlfriend na ba siya? Asawa? Anak? Masaya na kaya siya? Kung magkikita ba kami makikilala niya pa rin ako?

“Tanya, darling.” Narinig ko ang boses ni George at agad akong napalingon.

I smiled at him.

He wrapped his arms around the small of my back and pressed a gentle kiss on the side of my head. “You’ve been standing there for almost an hour now. What are you thinking about?”

“Wala.” I shook my head, keeping my smile intact. “Hindi lang ako makapaniwala na nasa Pilipinas na ulit ako.”

“Then believe it now.” Nakangiting sabi niya.

“Ang tagal na kasi mula nang nakauwi ako dito.” Bumuntong-hininga ako.

He looked at me. Inipit niya ang ilang hibla ng buhok ko sa likod ng tainga ko. He took something out from his inside coat pocket. A black rectangular box. He opened it and showed me a beautiful diamond necklace.

“George, it’s beautiful.” I said, looking at it.

“It’ll look even more beautiful once you wear it.” He said.

I shook my head. “No, no, I can’t accept that.”

“Please, darling, I insist. I had this made especially for you. Ngayon na nga lang ako bumabawi. We hadn’t seen each other for quite awhile.”

“Naiintindihan ko naman. May pamilya ka.”

“But that doesn’t give me a free pass for neglecting you.” He said. “Turn around, I want to put this on you.”

“George.” I hesitated.

“Turn around.”

Wala na akong nagawa kung hindi ako tumalikod sa kanya at isinuot niya sa akin ang kuwintas.

“Let me see.” Narinig kong sabi niya at umikot ulit ako para humarap sa kanya. “It’s beautiful. It would look perfect with the evening dress I bought for you.”

“Evening dress?” Kumunot ang noo ko. “Saan ko naman susuotin iyon?”

“For the charity event this evening.” He answered.

“You’re taking me to the charity event?” My eyes widened.

“Yes.”

“There’ll be people there.”

He let out a low chuckle. “Of course, you silly goose. It’s an event.”

“Dito na lang ako.” I shrugged.

“Tanya, sasama ka sa akin.” He said with thick accent. Nakakaintindi si naman si George nang tagalog pero hindi siya gaano nakakapagsalita. “I want you to come with me.”

“I just don’t want to cause any trouble. Hindi matutuwa si Eleanor kapag nalaman niya iyon. I know where I stand.”

“Darling, don’t mind Eleanor. She’s my problem, not yours.”

“Ayaw kong mag-away kayo dahil sa akin.”

“I don’t care if we get into a fight. I want to spend time with you. I’m trying to make up for the times we’ve missed together.”

“You don’t have to. I understand your situation.”

He pulled me closer to him and kissed the top of my head. “Why does it always have to be you who has to understand?” Bumuntong-hininga siya at tinitigan ako sa mga mata. “Don’t think you’re not special to me because darling, you are. I’m sorry you had to go through this.”

Wayne’s POV

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“Shit.” I uttered under my breath when I saw the time on my phone. It was already three in the afternoon. My eyes were still heavy but I willed myself to wash off my sleepiness. It was time to go. I had to get ready for the charity event dinner this evening.

“Wayne.” The woman next to me wrapped her arms around my waist and burying her face into my neck.

“I need to go.” I moved her arm away from me.

“Do you really?” She mumbled lazily.

“Yeah.” I sat on the edge of the bed, picking my boxer up from the bedside table and putting it on. I found my jeans on the floor along with my shirt. After getting dress, I stood up and headed towards the exit.

“Wayne, are you going to call me?” The woman asked.

“Sure.” I answered, apathetically.

I hurriedly left and went back to my condo. I had three hours to get ready. The charity event was important for my business. That’s where I find potential investors. I was planning to expand my business and open up a new club lounge.

I took a shower and got dressed. I wore a classic black tuxedo. Standing in front of the full length mirror, I fixed my bowtie and my hair. I stood up straight. I looked professional. Slick and confident.

I’d cut ties with my father the moment I got out of college. I started my own business with the money I saved and not once had I asked for my father’s help. I didn’t want anything to do with him and I was sure he felt the same way for me. He never even checked on me to see if I was still alive. It was better this way. We didn’t have a good relationship to begin with so why bother? I was a thorn in his flesh and he had no love for me.

Enough with the sob stories. I slid into my tuxedo coat and opened the cabinet. That was where I put my expensive watches and jewelries. I was planning to wear my Vacheron Constantin watch I’d bought during my trip in Switzerland. I found the box but something else caught my attention. A small silver ring. I couldn’t resist the temptation to pick it up.

Why did I put it here? This doesn’t even cost shit. I rolled the ring between my two fingers. Those distant memories felt like a flickering match stick. The warmth fades yet the sentiments linger on. I felt heaviness in my chest.

I couldn’t help but think of her. She still crosses my mind every now and then. I still wonder how she was doing? I still think of the what ifs from time to time. Yes, I was angry with her for leaving but I do hope wherever she was, she was doing fine. No woman had ever made me feel even as close to how she made me feel. I dated a few women but none of them really lasted.

I was devastated when Tanya left me. I felt lost. You know how they say that you have to go through the five stages of grief. I went through it all. All five of it. Over and over. What they really don’t tell you is that it doesn’t end on the fifth stage. You go back to the first and go through it all over again. It’s like being stuck in a loop. You can’t heal your way back to blissful ignorance. You can’t will innocence back into existence. The pain will always be there, you just learn to deal with it.

I’d thought of throwing this ring away but I just couldn’t get myself to do it. I couldn’t. I put it back to its place and got my watch.

The party was filled with men in tuxedos and women in evening dresses. It was a high end charity event. I spent my time talking to number of businessmen. Some had shown interest in investing in my business. How couldn’t they? My clubs, lounges, and bars were the hottest thing around.

“Is that her?” I heard two women whispering in front of me while I was walking around.

“Who?” The other woman asked.

“George Sullivan’s rumored mistress.” The first woman whispered.

“Oh.” Woman number one said. “In all fairness, she’s very beautiful.”

“But why did he have to bring her with him?” The woman made a face. “Hindi niya ba naisip na mga kilalang tao ang nandito. If he had any shame in him, he wouldn’t be blantantly parading his mistress around.”

I looked up and directed my eyes to where they were looking. They were looking at a caucasian man that looked like he was in his late 50s. Clinging onto his arm was a young woman in a red satin evening dress. I suddenly paused when I looked at the woman’s face. My whole body felt as though it had been struck a blow. My heart started beating erratically.

Tanya

I blinked, trying to focus on what I’d just seen. But she was still Tanya. I wasn’t imagining it. The woman with the older man was her. She was still beautiful. Time had only enhanced her beauty. She looked more refined now and delicate as ever. She had a beauty that was fully concious and aware of itself. She walked confidently with her chin up. Everyone were turning their heads to her direction. It was as if a spotlight had landed on her.

Tanya and the older man were laughing and talking as they walked. She looked happy now. It did cause a knot of anger in my chest. It looked like happy with another guy now. An older rich guy. The guy she was with was George Sullivan, an owner of a big brokerage firm.

I turned around, not wanting to see her again. That part of my life was over now. She was just a part of my past. I shouldn’t feel anything for her anymore. She wasn’t worth my emotions. I headed to the bar to get myself something to drink.

The pain was still there. Seeing her felt like I’d open a healing wound and sprinkled it with salt. Ten years and she still had this effect on me. I tried to shake the feeling away. We were adults now. I shouldn’t be feeling this way.

She means nothing to me anymore. Absolutely nothing.

My fingers tightened around the glass I was holding. I couldn’t keep still in my sit. My eyes started wandering around, trying to find her again. I saw her by herself, looking at the paintings and sculptures that will be auctioned later.

I downed a glass of whiskey to calm my nerves. I got out of my seat and headed towards her. I didn’t know how to approach her so I stayed a few feet away from her and watched her. She was so much more beautiful than she had been before. Her face still gave off an air of innocence. She still had that vivid glow. It had been many years ago but the softness of her skin was still imprinted on my senses, the sound of her voice still rung in my soul.

She lifted her gaze up, probably feeling the weight of me staring at her. Our eyes met and it was as if everything stood still. We couldn’t hear the outside world anymore. It was just me and her, in our little world. Just like before…

“Hi.” I spoke.

She blinked as though coming out of a daze. “Wayne…”

I smiled at her. “Nice to see you again.”

Chapter Twenty Nine

https://youtu.be/4QTqu-QbEgo

Wayne’s POV

She looked at me as if she’d seen a ghost. Surprise was evident on her face. I tried to keep my emotions hidden as best as I could. All those pent up anger that I had surpressed for a long time was begging to be released. After so many years, I thought I was over it. But now it all came rushing back.

“Hi.” She croacked softly after a brief moment of silence.

She was no longer the teenage girl I knew ten years ago, she was a lady now and she had grown into her body well. She was more breathtaking now, more heart stopping. She might look beautiful and innocent but I knew how cold the blood was that run through her veins.

“It’s been a long time, huh? I never thought I’d bump into you. How are you?” I forced my features to betray nothing as I talked to her.

“I’m fine.” Her voice quivered slightly.

I nodded my head, keeping my smile intact. “Are you with someone?”

She opened her mouth to say something but before she could do so, someone called her name.

“Tanya…” A deep and smooth voice said. My head turned to the man walking towards us. George Sullivan. He wrapped an arm around the small of her back. My hands involuntarily clenched into fists. I used to be the only one who could hold her like that.

“See anything you like?” He asked.

Tanya averted her eyes from me to him. She smiled at him and shook her head.

“This painting would look good in the living room.” He said, looking at the abstract painting on the wall in front of him.

“Um, George, this is Wayne.” She introduced me to him.

“Oh, hi!” He looked at me and gave me a warm smile. He held out his hand, offering a hand shake.

My jaw clenched and stared down at his hand for a second before taking it.

“I’m pleased to meet you, Wayne.” He said. “I’m George Sullivan.”

“Wayne Cameron St. Croix.” My voice came out formal and stiff.

“St. Croix? Are you somehow associated to St. Croix Land Incorporation?” He asked.

“My father owns the comapany.” I answered. “But besides that, I am not in anyway affliated with it. I have my own.”

He nodded his head. “I see. So what business are you in?”

“Bars, clubs, and lounge. I’m actually planning to expand my business and build another bar lounge. I’m looking for people who are willing to invest in my business.”

“Interesting.” George said. “I want to hear more. Do you mind sitting with us so we can talk about it?”

“Not at all.” I said, throwing a glance at Tanya. She seemed to be tensed and seeing her closely fused my senses off.

I followed them to their table and sat with them. I could feel the tension in the air between us. Tanya was avoiding eye contact with me, staring down on the table. She looked so expensive now, so regal. Of course, how couldn’t she? She was a mistress of an old, rich man. I felt angry and resentful.

I turned my attention back to George and we started talking business, Tanya was quiet the whole time.

“Your proposition sounds very attractive. I’m willing to invest as much as it takes, whatever amount is necessary. But I want to become more than an investor, I want to us to be business partners.” He said.

I cocked a brow. I didn’t want any business partner. I just wanted someone to invest on my business. I didn’t want anyone deciding for my business other than me.

“Don’t worry.” He smiled, sensing my concern. “I have my own business to run. Hindi kita pakikialaman sa mga desisyon mo. I just want someone to mentor Tanya.”

“George.” Tanya’s eyes widened. “I… I don’t know anything about businesses. I don’t want to get involved with it.”

“I can’t always be here, darling. I need someone to run the business while I’m gone. I can’t stay here, I need to go back to Belgium. I’ll visit you every now and then.” George said.

Darling. My jaw clenched when I heard what he called Tanya. How fuckin’ sweet.

“Ayaw kong magpatakbo ng negosyo.” There was tension on Tanya’s face and voice. “You know I’m not good with businesses.”


“That’s the reason why I want Wayne to mentor you. He’ll teach you everything you need to know.” George looked at me. “Won’t you, Wayne?”

A sly smile appeared on the corner of my lips. I glanced at Tanya. “Of course.”

Tanya’s POV

Napalunok ako ng makita ang ngiti sa mga labi ni Wayne. Nakangiti siya pero iba ang sinasabi ng mga mata niya. Nakakapaso ang mga tingin niya sa akin.

After all these years, kabisadong-kabisado ko pa rin ang mga galaw niya, kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng mga tingin niya at kung ano ang tumatakbo sa isip niya. Nararamdaman ko ang galit sa likod ng mga ngiting iyon.

They had already made a deal. Pumayag na si Wayne na maging business partner si George. George had to go back to his family in Belgium and I had to work with Wayne. Tahimik lang akong nakikinig habang nag-uusap sila tungkol sa negosyo. There was fear but there was also anticipation. Takot na malaman kong wala na akong halaga sa kanya at pagkasabik na makasama siya ulit.

Nang makita ko siya, napatunayan ko sa sarili ko na wala pa rin nagbabago sa nararamdaman ko sa kanya. Hindi nabawasan kahit konti ang pagmamahal ko, nadagdagan lang iyon ng pagkasabik. Natatakot lang ako na baka hindi na kami pareho nang nararamdaman. Hindi ko siya masisisi. Ako ang nang-iwan at ako isa pa, maraming taon na ang nakalipas. We were both young and he had probably moved on.

I never did move on. I still thought of him, I still dreamt of, I still wondered if he was okay, what he was doing. He was still a part of me. He was still the love of my life.

Mapaglaro nga talaga ang tadhana. Hindi ko inaasahan na magkikita pa kami. Akala ko mananatili na lang siyang parte ng nakaraan ko. Ang nakaraan na hindi ko pa rin makalimutan hanggang ngayon. The moment I saw him, all I wanted was to throw my arms around him. I tried my very best to hold my tears when I said ‘hi’ to him.

George lifted his glass up. “Cheers to our new partnership.”

“Cheers.” Itinaas din ni Wayne ang glass niya. And he threw another glance at me.

I fiddled with my fingers out of nervousness and took my eyes off him. Hindi ko namalayan na kanina pa pala ako nakatitig sa kanya. I wanted to memorize face. Take it all in. Natatakot ako na baka pagnalingap ako ng tingin, mawala na siya. Natatakot ako na baka panaginip lang ang lahat ng ito.

“May I have a dance with you?” His deep and silky voice said.

Surpised, I lifted my gaze up to him again. He was staring at me. Tumaas ang isang sulok ng labi niya nang tumingin ako sa kanya. Pagkatapos ay nalipat ang tingin ko kay George.

“Go ahead.” George smiled and gave me a nod. “I’ll just stay here.”

Wayne got up from his seat. Tumayo siya sa harap ko at nilahad ang kamay niya sa akin. I took it. Parang may kuryenteng dumaloy sa katawan ko nang maglapat ang mga kamay namin. It sent shivers down my spine I’d missed the feeling of his skin against mine.

Tumayo ako mula sa kinauupuan ko at dinala niya ako sa gitna ng dance floor. The romantic melody was coming from the grand piano being played on the stage. There were no words or lyrics. Just the beautiful and gentle music emanating from the piano.

He put his hands on the either side of my waist and I put mine on his shoulders. He smelled of expensive cologne mixed with his distinct scent. Kusang pumikit ang mga mata ko nang maamoy iyon. My body seemed to have recognized him. There was this warm, calming feeling of “You belong here” that washed over me. I’d miss him, his hand, his arms, his scent, the heat his body emits.

“Tanya…” I heard him say.

I opened my eyes and was greeted by a pair of dark and beautiful eyes. Malamig ang mga mata niya habang nakatitig siya sa akin.

“I’m very excited to work with you.” He said in a professional tone.

What happened in the past was long over. We were strangers now… strangers with a past.

“M-me too.” I answered back with shaky voice.

“How have you been doing the last, what, ten years?”

He was so casual and here I was, trying to stop my legs from shaking.

“I’ve… had a lot of things happen to me. I’ve earned a degree liberal studies. I’ve worked at a company in Scotland and decided I want to go back here.” I answered.

He nodded his head. “I see. You’ve done a lot in your life. You’re staying her for good?”

“Yes.”

“How did you meet George Sullivan?”

My eyes fell on the ground. “Noong nagtatrabaho pa ako sa Japan.”

“I see.” He said in a stoic tone. “Mukhang malapit kayo sa isa’t isa. He seems to trust you well enough to let you handle his business.”

“George is a wonderful person. I trust him just as much.” Matipid na sagot ko.

I could see the bitterness and disdain in his eyes as he looked at me. I gasped when one of his hand began to move and carressed the side of my body, stopping just below my breast. 

“Can’t blame him. It’s hard not to trust a beautiful face like yours.” Makahulugan na sabi niya. 

My chest clenching tightly. “Wayne… I’m sorry…”

He let out a low chuckle. “For what?”

“For leaving you.” I swallowed my sob and let my head rest against his chest. I didn’t do it conciously. My body wanted his warmth. Naramdaman kong humigpit ang pagkahawak niya sa akin. His familiarity was comforting. It was so cozy. This was where I belong.

“That was ten years ago, Tanya. We were young back then.” He said, keeping the smug smile on his face. “We’re two mature adults now. I’ve forgotten about it a long time ago.”

I took in a deep breath. It confirmed my fear. It felt as if something inside me had collapsed. Masakit pa rin. Akala ko naghilom na ang sugat sa dibdib ko pero masakit pa rin. Ang mas masakit. Alam kong ako ang may kasalanan kung bakit nawala sa akin ang lalaking mahal ko. It wasn’t anyone’s fault but mine. 

Akala ko ba lahat ng sugat kayang gamutin ng panahon. Bakit parang mas lumalalim lang iyon? Parang gusto nang bumigay ng tuhod ko.

“Gusto ko nang umupo.” Mahinang sabi ko.

“Why?” Kumunot ang noo niya. “We just got here.”

“Please, Wayne.” Pakiusap ko.

He let out a deep sigh. Dahan-dahan na binitiwan niya ako. The moment his hands left my body, I felt as though a part of me had been torn off. I felt empty…

I turned away from him, trying to hide the pain in my eyes and headed back to the table. Bumalik ako sa kinauupuan ni George. Wayne followed behind me. Our eyes met and he gave me a knowing stare. 

“Is everything okay?” Tanong ni George.

“Yeah.” Napakurap ako.

“You look pale.” Pansin niya.

“I’m just tired.” Bumuntong-hininga ako.

“Do you want to leave?” He asked.

I nodded my head. It would hurt to leave but I knew it would be a torture to stay. I was just so overwhelmed with what was happening tonight. I needed a break from it. It was as if Wayne had broken a glass in which I put every emotion I’d locked so no one could touch it and everything escaped. 

Nagpaalam na si George kay Wayne. Wayne just nodded a goodbye and looked at me. His eyes were sharp and piercing. Hinawakan ako ni George sa braso at iginaya palabas. I glanced at Wayne one more time. I was leaving him again and it was heartbreaking.

Chapter Thirty

Wayne’s POV

George rang me and we decided to meet in one of my clubs to talk about the business and our partnership. If it weren’t for Tanya, I wouldn’t have agreed to what he wanted. The idea of her working under me excited me. Yeah, under me. My groin stirred at the thought of her beneath me. I wanted her beneath me despite what she had done. Huwag lang magkakamaling iwan sa akin si Tanya. I couldn’t promise to keep my hands off her.

Ten years had passed but my feelings for her came rushing back as if it had only been yesterday when she left me. I wasn’t going to deny that there was still an ache when I saw her with George. The woman I’d loved, the woman I’d given my heart and soul to was now an old man’s mistress. Maybe dad was right. She was a whore. A whore who would do anything for easy money.

“Mr. St. Croix.” My thoughts were cut when I heard my secretary’s voice in the intercom.

I pressed the button and spoke. “Yes?”

“Mr. George Sullivan is here to see you.”

“Let him in.” I said.

After a couple of seconds the door opened. George walked in and right behind her was Tanya. She stiffened when our eyes met. I beamed her a subtle and contemptuous smile.

“Good to see you again, Wayne.” George politely said.

“Good to see you too, George.” And then I looked at Tanya. “And you too, Tanya.” I said and gestured my hand over the two armchair in front of my desk. “Please, sit down.”

He quietly sat on the right armchair while Tanya sat on the left.

“Do you want anything? Juice, alcohol, coffee?” I asked them.

“I’ll have a shot of whiskey, if you have any.” George said.

“Of course,” I said, smiling at him and then my attention averted to Tanya. “How ’bout you, Tanya? Do you want some mango juice?” That was what she used to always orders whenever we dine out.

“She likes Shirley Temple. Do you have any as well?” George said.

“We do.” I answered and turned my gaze to Tanya. “I see your taste have changed.” I darkly said with a snide. She didn’t say anything and avoided my gaze. I pressed the intercom and told my secretary to get them some drinks. Within a few minutes, the drinks were served.

“To finalize our agreement, I’ve already contacted my lawyer to make a writen contract.” I took out a file from my desk cabinet and layed it down in front of George. “That is just the draft. Kung may gusto kang idagdag o ibawas pwede natin pag-usapan yan.”

“Everything looks good. I just want to change one particular thing.” He said as he scanned through the contract. “I want Tanya’s name written here as your business partner.”

“George, no.” She shook her head. “I don’t know anything about running a business.”

“That’s why you have Wayne, darling. Gusto kong panatag ang loob ko kapag iniwan ko kayo dito.” He smiled tenderly.

“Pwede naman akong maghanap ng trabaho.” She said.

“Isn’t this a job?” He let out a jolly chuckle. “You’re a smart woman, darling. I’m confident in putting my full trust in you.”

“Ayaw mo ba akong makatrabaho, Tanya?” One corner of my lips lifted into a smirk.

“No, it’s not that…” Her voice was soft.

“I’m sure Mr. St. Croix here will take care of you.” George gave me a soft smile.

“Very good care.” I responded and looked at Tanya. I smiled to myself when I saw how tense it made her. I felt satisified, seeing her all riled up like that.

“See. You have nothing to worry about.” He told Tanya.

We started talking about business. I explained my plans and ideas and he also added a few and told me what he didn’t like about some of my ideas. George was an intelligent businessman, I couldn’t deny that. He definitely knew what he was doing. He’d been in this industry for a long time now. Even though I didn’t like him as a person, I had full utter and respect for him as a businessman.

As we were talking, his phone rang and he excused himself. He went out of my office and I was left alone with Tanya. There was a sudden and heavy silence hanging in the room. It was so silent you could hear the clock tick every second. Tanya was trying so hard to avoid looking at me.

What do old lovers talk about? What do you say to a stranger who you once saw a future with, a stranger who you had loved with all your heart, a stranger with painful memories that remained engraved in your heart?

I wanted to curse at her. I wanted to ask her why she had to leave, why she chose money over me. I wanted to ask if she really did love me or did I ever matter to her. I wanted to tell her how I fucking hate her and how disgusted I was with her. I wanted to tell her a lot of things but those words never came out.

“I’m very excited to work with you.” I said this instead.

It seemed to have startled her. She lifted her head up to look at me. “Likewise.”

“You look beautiful today, Tanya.” Her hair was tied up in a messy bun, she had some make up on, nude probably. “You look so now.”

She swallowed. “It’s been years. Marami nang nagbago.”

“I can see that.” I nodded my head.

The door opened and George walked in in a hurry. He bent over to give Tanya a kiss on the side of her hair. My fists clenched involuntarily. “I’m sorry, darling. I have a very important business I need to attend. Ikaw na ang bahala dito.” George turned to me. “My apologies, Mr. St. Croix.”

“It’s alright. Nandito naman si Tanya. Siya naman ang makakasama ko madalas.” I answered with a snide.

George said goodbye and left.

“Somethings never did.” I said, picking up where we had left of before George came in. “You can have a man wrapped around your little finger. Any man would give you the moon and stars if you asked for them.” I chuckled, masking my anger as a joke.

She didn’t smile. She nervously bit her bottom lip. “Wayne…”

“I’m just kidding. Can’t you take a little joke? Para naman wala tayong pinagsamahan.” I casually said.

She didn’t say a word.

I tried my very best to act professional while I talk to her. She was obviously not experienced but she seemed to understand what I was saying. She was able to keep up.

“It’s already five and I still haven’t eaten anything since this morning.” I said, looking down at my wrist watch. “Let’s eat out.”

“Huh? It’s okay… I just ate.” She said. “Mabuti pa umuwi na lang ako.”

“No. I want to take you out. We’re going to be business partners. I want to know more about the person I’m going to work with.” I got up from my seat and walked up to where she was sitting. Like a true gentleman, I held a hand out for her.

She looked at my palm and then averted her gaze at me. I answered with a smile. Slowly, her hand lifted up and hesistantly took mine. She stood up and wrapped my other free hand on the back of her waist. She flinched a little and took in a harsh breath.

“Are you scared of me, Tanya?” I asked, my mouth almost touching her ear. God, she smelled so damn good. Her scent brought nostalgia. I remembered snuggling into her after a hot love making. And the heat her body brings, it was so welcoming. I remembered the simple intimacy we shared when we were clueless and young.

“No…” She answered breathlessly.

“Good.” I smiled.

You should be. I thought

We could see the view of the Manila bay sunset from where we were sitting, inside an intimate restaurant right beside the window. There were candles burning on the tables. I glanced another look at Tanya. This was the restaurant where we first met, where I asked her to take her underwear off.

I never thought that night would change life. I never thought I’d fall in love with her. I never thought I was capable of loving someone more than I love myself. I’d never had anybody in my life like her and I vowed to myself I would never allow anyone in again. I’d learned my lessons.

When she left it was as if a part of me had been torn off. It made sense. The harder you fall in love, the further they get into your soul until they become a part of you, the more it hurts when you lose that person. I felt like a stranger in my own body and life because I became so accustomed to her being a part of me. I never thought of anything as me, I thought of everything as us. And then in the blink of an eye, at a drop of a hat, she was gone.

“Paano ka napunta sa Scotland?” I asked as we were eating.

“George brought me there.” She said.

George. I wanted to grimace everytime she mentions that old guy’s name.

“You said you worked in Scotland? Ano’ng naging trabaho mo doon?”

“I’ve worked as a human resource specialist.”

“Interesting.” I said. “What made you decide to go back here?”

“Scotland isn’t for me. Mas gusto ko dito. At isa pa, matagal ko nang hindi nabibisita ang puntod ni nanay.”

“I visit tita Esther, every now and then.” I said. She was wonderful woman. All I have was love and respect for her. She was the mother I never had.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. I’m not doing it for you. Tita Esther was special to me, I’ve grown fond of her in the short amount of time I spent with her.” I sighed. “How did those ten years pass by so quickly? Parang kahapon lang nangyari ang mga iyon.”

She nodded her head with a sad smile. “Kamusta ka naman? Looks like your business is in good shape.”

“Yeah, it’s doing good.” I nodded and my eyes glided down her body. She was wearing a white blazer paired with white suit pants and stilettos. “But I don’t think I’m making enough money to be able to afford you. You look expensive now.”

Her face shifted into something else. “I’m not the girl I used to be, Wayne. Hindi ko pinagbibili ang sarili ko.”

Because somebody else owns you.

“Hindi nga ba?” I cocked a brow at her.

“I… I think I should go home.” She said and stood up from her seat.

“Leaving too soon?” I let out a smirk. “Go ahead. That’s what you’re good at, leaving.”

There was a pained expression on her face before she lowered her gaze and started walking away. I payed the bill and got out of the restaurant. I rode my car and saw her standing by the sidewalk. I rolled my window down.

“Hop in.” I said.

“May magsusundo na sa akin.” She said, avoiding looking at me.

“It’s already late, Tanya. Baka kung mapaano ka pa. Madilim dito.”

She ignored me.

“I’m not going leave until you get it.”

It took her awhile a a lot of convincing before she got into my car. She gave me the direction to the place where she was staying but other than that we never really talked. There was heavy tension between us. After a few minutes, I pulled up in front of a house. It wasn’t small but it wasn’t big either and it had white picket fence around it.

She muttered a small thank you before getting out of the car. I watched as she headed towards the front door and disappeared through them. Minutes had passed by and I was still in front of her house. I didn’t leave. I couldn’t get myself to. I just stared at the house. It was our dream house…

Horrible gut wretching pain engulfed me, the tightness in my chest was so painfully I could barely catch a breath. She’d built our dream house with someone else.

It was as if my body had a mind of its own and it forced me out of the car. I found myself knocking on her door and after a few knocks the door opened.

“George—” She paused when she saw me.

“I am not George.” I growled, threading my fingers through the back of her hair and pulled her into a heated kiss, crashing my lips against her. She gasped and tried to push me away but I didn’t budge. And then she was responding to my kiss. We kissed like there was nothing more important in the world. I was in euphoria in the moment as we were kissing, as if trying to make up for the lost time. I pushed her and closed the door behind us with my foot. I pinned her to the wall and she automatically wrapped her arms around me.

How my body still remembers things I forced it to forget. The familiarity of every touch, every kiss, it was there. It was urgent like a drug addict that hadn’t had his fix for a long time., the first time together after so long. She was wearing a robe. I pulled it open and it revealed her silk nightdress. I let her robe slide from her arms to the floor and in one swift motion I was able to take her nighties off.

Screw foreplay. I needed her now. I needed to be buried inside her — deep inside her. And I needed it now.

“Wayne, stop. Baka makita tayo—”

“I don’t fucking care! Let him see us!” I groaned, crashing my lips against hers.

I pulled her panties down and lifted her legs up to my waist, she wrapped it around me. I thrust forward and sunk into her perfectly warm and tight flesh, as if it was made only for me.. She let out a small whimper. God she was so tight and so fuckin wet around me. I stopped for a moment so we could both get used to the feeling. She gasped audibly when I surged slightly deeper into her. I started thursting in and out, slow at first and then it became faster, more urgent. She buried her face into my neck and moaned quietly as her hands clawed on my back.

A few more thrust and I released myself.

We were breathing heavily, my heart pounding against her skin, our sweats mingling in together with each other. Then slowly, she unwrapped her arms and legs from me and pulled away. She tried to get away from me but I didn’t let her. I caged her body in between my arms.

“Pakawalan mo ako.” She softly said, her eyes were pinned on the floor, not daring to look at me straight in the eyes.

I shook my head. “I want you again.”

“Please, Wayne.” She begged, almost on the verge of tears.

“Where’s your room?” I asked.

“Umuwi ka na.”

“Tell me where your room is or do you want me to fuck you here again?” I said in a dark voice.

She swallowed, as if holding back a sob. With shaky hands she pointed to the first door on the left. I picked her up and carried her into that room. I layed her down the bed and pulled her legs apart. My head bent down and suckled her breast, drawing a soft moan from her. My hands went down in between us and I touched her pussy. She was dripping wet, from my essence and hers. My finger found her clit and she tensed her muscle, recoiling. I felt myself getting hard again. My hips slammed into hers and I was inside her again.

I heard the door click open and paused when a small voice spoke, “Mommy?”

Chapter Thirty One

Wayne’s POV

Tanya immediately pushed me off her and grabbed the blanket. She covered herself up with it and I pulled my pants up. I turned to see a silhoutte of a small figure in the dark walking towards us. I felt like I’d been splashed with cold water. It was enough to turn my hard on soft. There was a little kid in the room!

“Therese, what are you doing here?” Tanya tried to sound calm but her voice came out strained.

The figure reached for the lampshade beside the bed and switched it on. Tanya tensed, clutching the blanket even tighter. The figure turned out to be a beautiful little girl. The girl looked like she could be five or six years old. She rubbed her sleepy eyes with one hand while clutching a book on the other. She yawned, looking up at Tanya.

“I fell asleep waiting for you. You didn’t read me—” She paused when her eyes caught me. Her brows furrowed. “Who’s he, mommy?”

Tanya looked at me before looking back at the little girl. She opened her mouth but said nothing and closed it back. She didn’t know what to say. She was in obvious turmoil. It took me a while to react too.

“Hi.” I awkwardly said. “I’m your mom’s friend.”

“Why are you in her bed?” She cocked a brow.

“I—” I thought of a reason but couldn’t think of any. Tanya remained speechless.

“Are you sleeping with my mommy?” She asked.

“Uh…” I looked at Tanya, not knowing what to say.

“Is this a sleep over?” Her eyes glowed with excitement.

“Therese, go back to your room. Pupuntahan na lang kita doon.” Tanya finally spoke.

“But mommy, I want to sleep with you.” She climbed up the bed and crawled in between us. She turned to me and waved. “Hello, mommy’s friend. What’s your name?”

“I’m…” I glanced at Tanya who had a mortified look on her face. “I’m Wayne.”

“I’m Therese Caroline Sullivan. My favorite color is yellow and my favorite number is five because I’m five years old, and here’s my favorite book.” She showed me the book she was holding. The book was titled Clifford the Big Red Dog. “Can you read this for me, Mr. Wayne?”

“No!” Tanya said. “Go back to your—”

“Sure.” I answered, taking the book from her. I began to read it. “My dog is a big red dog. Other kids I know have dogs, too. Some are big dogs…”

The little girl, Therese, listened intently. Tanya couldn’t do anything but watch with mouth gaping. I was halfway through the short story when Therese fell closed her eyes and drifted to sleep. My eyes narrowed at Tanya as I closed the book, waiting for her to explain.

“Please, just go.” She said with small, shaky voice. “Baka magising ang anak ko. Ayaw kong makita niyang nandito ka pa.”

I felt the muscles in my face tightening in a deeper frown. She looked at me with eyes begging and I sighed. I carefully slid out of the bed and got out of the room. I walked out of the house and my body collapsed on the driver’s seat the moment I opened the car door. I felt weak like I had been drained.

I just met Tanya’s daughter… and she almost caught me fucking her mother. I raked my fingers through my pounding head as I tried to take it in. Tanya had a daughter… She’s had a child with another man. A pang of jealousy suddenly hit me like a ton of brick. And then I felt angry. What I was feeling had nothing to do with the little girl, she seemed like a lovely child, but more to do with Tanya.

I thought of the life we could’ve had together if she hadn’t left me. Thar house could’ve been ours. That could’ve been my child. They could’ve been my family…

Our worlds were different now but I still remained the same. I hadn’t forgiven what I tried to forget.

Sitting there in silence, I understood the many ways a person could die but still be alive.

Tanya’s POV

Nakaharap ako sa salamin sa loob ng banyo at tinignan ang repleksyon ng hubad na katawan ko. Naiwan ang marka ng mga halik niya sa dibdib ko.

I bit my bottom lip. Gusto kong magalit sa sarili ko dahil hinayaan ko siya. Hindi ko siya nagawang pigilan dahil ginusto ko rin ang ginawa niya. It had been so long since he touched and held me. Hanggang ngayon ramdam ko pa rin ang mga hawak at halik na iyon. He was callous and urgent, ibang-iba sa dati. I could never forget the way he used to kiss and touch me.

I dipped my body into the tub and tried to relax my aching muscles. I was mad at myself but I couldn’t feel any regret for it. I’d missed him. I’d missed the softness of his skin against me, the taste of his mouth, and how I lose myself in his arms. The longing hadn’t gone away. It never left. And being in his arms again after so many years, it felt coming home.

Pero iba na ang buhay namin ngayon. Hindi na katulad ng dati. I knew it was my fault. Iniwan ko siya at galit siya sa akin. I could feel his anger by the way he looks at me, his eyes were filled with hatred for me. I was young, confused and scared back then. Hindi ko na maibabalik ang mga desisyon na ginawa ko noon kahit gustuhin ko.

After a few minutes of crying in the tub. I got up and put on a pair of pajamas. Lumabas ako sa banyo at nakita ko si Therese sa ibabaw ng kama at mahimbing na natutulog.

Kahit paano gumaan ang bigat sa dibdib ko ng makita ko siya. My daughter was what gets me through everyday. Tumabi ako sa kanya sa kama at hinalikan siya sa noo. She was the most precious gift ever given to me.

Ang tanging pinagsisisihan ko lang sa nangyari kanina ay nang makita niya si Wayne. I was just thankful she was too young to understand what was going on. I pulled her into a hug and closed my eyes.

Nagisinga ako nang tumama ang sikat ng araw sa mukha ko. I opened my eyes, expecting to see Therese sleeping next to me pero wala siya sa tabi ko. Hindi naman ako nag-alala dahil may kasambahay naman kaming kasama na nag-aalaga kay Therese. I stretched out my arms before getting out of bed. Pumasok muna ako sa banyo at inayos ang sarili ko bago lumabas ng kwarto.

I found Therese sitting on George’s lap, still in her pajamas.

“Mommy’s friend was really nice, papa. He read me Clifford and I fell asleep.” I heard Therese say. I suddenly tensed. I was sure she was talking about Wayne.

“Good morning.” I forced a smile.

Nag-angat sila pareho ng tingin.

“Good morning.” Sagot ni George. 

Tumakbo si Therese sa akin at binuhat ko siya. She gave me a kiss on the cheek. “Good morning, mommy.”

“Wayne was here last night?” George asked.

“H-hinatid niya ako kagabi.” I swallowed, putting moisture on my suddenly dry throat. “Wala na kasi akong masakyan.”

George nodded his head, convinced with my answer. “Kumusta namana ng pag-uusap niyo?”

“It went good.” Sagot ko. “Tatawag na lang daw siya kapag may kailangan pa kaming pag-usapan. George, hindi mo naman kailangan ipangalan sa akin ang kontrata.”

“I want you and Therese financial secured.” He said. 

“Makakahanap naman ako ng trabaho. You don’t have to worry about us.”

“You could still do that while running your business.” He said and his brows furrowed. “Why? Do you have a problem working with Mr. St Croix.”

I shook my head and blinked. “W-wala naman.”

“Good.” He finally smiled.

Chapter Thirty Two

Tanya’s POV

We celebrated our new house by having a barbecue in the backyard. Malawak ang backyard at may isang puno ng mangga sa isang sulok nito. I instantly fell in love with the place because of that. Ito talaga ang bahay na matagal ko nang pinangarap. This had always been what we wanted.

I took in a deep breath. Naramdaman kong nanikip ang dibdib ko ng maisip ko iyon. The hollowness in my chest ached. Ganitong bahay ang napipicture ko sa isip ko noon. Kasabay kong pinangarap ang buhay na kasama siya dito. We made this dream together but he wasn’t here with me.

Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko. Si Wayne pa rin ang nakikita ko sa isip ko. I could picture the life we could’ve had together. Simple at tahimik lang. Nakaupo siya sa tabi ko dito sa patio habang pinanonood namin ang mga anak namin na nagtatakbuhan, mga batang kamukhang-kamukha niya. That had always been my dream, he had always been a part of it.

“Mommy!” Hinatak ako pabalik sa realidad nang marinig ko ang boses ni Therese. Naglalaro sila ni George sa hindi kalayuan. She waved at me and I smiled, waving back at her. My life now was different from what I’d always dreamt. Therese and George were my reality. Hindi na parte ng realidad ko si Wayne, hanggang sa pangarap ko na lang siya.

Magsisinungaling ako kung sasabihin kong wala akong pinagsisisihan sa mga desisyon na ginawa ko. That wasn’t the truth. I’d forever regret leaving Wayne. I’d forever wonder what could’ve been with him. Pero siguro ito talaga ang kapalaran ko. That had to happen because of Therese. She was the most beautiful gift God had given me. Kahit marami akong pagsisisi wala akong babaguhin sa nakaraan ko if it meant nothing having her here with me now.

I’d always love Wayne but maybe we just weren’t meant to be.

Tumunog ang doorbell. Ibinaba ko sa la mesita sa tabi ko ang hawak kong juice. I got up and went into the house to open the front door. Nagulat ako ng tumambad sa harap ko si Wayne.

“Hey.” He greeted with a wry smile on his face.

Biglang nanuyo ang lalamunan ko at napalunok ako ng makita ko siya. A flash of what had happened between us a week ago came back to my mind. I could still remember the feeling of his warm body pressed against mine, I could still taste his lips, I could still hear his moans and groans in my ear. I still remember how sore he made me the morning after.

Shit. Napamura ako sa isip ko. Hindi ko alam kung paano kikilos sa harap niya o kung ano ang dapat kong sabihin. I wasn’t prepared for this.

“A—ano’ng ginagawa mo dito?” Iyon ang lumabas sa bibig ko.

“George invited me over.” He answered. Tinitigan niya ako sa mga mata ko. There was a mischevious glint of something in his eyes. I felt uncomfortable and looked away.

“Ganon ba?” Sabi ko. Hindi man lang nabanggit sa akin ni George ito.

“Aren’t you going to let me in?” He chuckled.

Parang napahiya naman na tumabi ako. I opened the door wider and motioned for him to come in. He took a step in and closer to me. I could smell his cologne mixed with his natural scent. Agad akong napaurong palayo sa kanya. The tension between us was palpable and I felt nervous around him.

“Where’s George… and Therese?” He asked, looking around the house.

“N—nasa backyard sila.” Sabi ko at tumalikod ako. Alam kong nakasunod lang siya sa likod ko, ilang hakbang lang ang layo mula sa akin. I felt all tensed up, like there was a knot in my stomach. Right behind me was the man I’d made love with a week ago. Muntikan pa kaming mahuli ni Therese. Buti na lang hindi iyon nabanggit ng bata kay George. Sana lang nawala na sa isip niya iyon at hindi niya na mabanggit pa iyon.

Lumabas kami sa backyard. Nahinto ang dalawa sa paglalaro nang makita si Wayne.

“Mr. Wayne.” Therese came running towards him. Sinalo siya ni Wayne at kinarga.

“Hi, munchkin.” He said, smiling at her. “How are you?”

“I’m fine, thank you.” She brightly answered.

Nakangiting lumapit sa kinatatayuan nila si George.

“Papa, this is Mr. Wayne. Mommy’s friend.” Pakilala ni Therese.

“Why, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Wayne.” George said, playing along with her.

“Am I late?” Wayne asked.

“You just came on time. We’re having backyard barbecue. I appreciate you coming here to join us.” Binigyan siya nang malapad na ngiti ni George. “We’re still adjusting to our life here. Ikaw pa lang ang kaibigan namin. I’ll be going back to Belgium soon and Tanya and Therese need a friend to keep them company.”

Wayne looked at me, a playful smile playing on his lips. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of them while you’re gone.”

I swallowed. My breath caught in my throat and my heart skipped a beat.

“Mommy bought me a new Clifford book. Can you read it to me later?” Inosenteng tanong ni Therese. Thankfully, that broke the tension in the air.

“Sure, munchkin.” Wayne answered. Sandali silang nag-usap ni Therese. I could see how easily Therese grew fond of him. Hindi naman kasi ganun kahirap makasundo ang anak ko. She was a bubbly girl that never runs out of things to talk about.

The food we barbecued had already been set on the table. Dinala siya ni George doon at umupo kami sa mesa. They chatted and started talking about business. Habang inaasikaso ko naman si Therese at pinakakain.

I felt a foot touch mine from underneath the table. I bit back a gasp when it slowly rubbed up my ankle. I pulled my foot away and looked at Wayne who was sitting across from me. He looked at me and gave me a subtle smile as he was talked with George. I quietly glared at him.

Maya-maya ay naramdaman ko na naman ang paa niya. This time it pressed near my knee, his toe erotically rubbing against my skin. Sa pagkagulat ay napatayo ako sa kinauupuan ko. George turned his attention to me.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” Nag-aalalang tanong niya.

“N-nothing.” Sagot ko. “Tapos na akong kumain. I’m going to go inside. Marami pang hugasin sa loob. Excuse me.”

I took my empty plate and Therese’s and went into the kitchen. I felt relieved. The tension I felt in my muscle eased once I got away from Wayne. Parang nanghihinang napatukod ako sa harap ng counter sa loob ng kusina. Sa harap nang counter ay may bintana kung saan tanaw mo ang backyard. Tumingin ako doon at nakitang wala nang nakaupo sa mesa. George and Therese were playing with a kite. Kahit maaraw sa labas ay mahangin pa rin kaya nga kanina pa nag-eenjoy sa paglalaro ang dalawa. Despite his age, George was still fit and agile.

Hinagilap ng mga mata ko si Wayne pero hindi ko siya makita.

“Do you need help?” Nagulat ako nang marinig ang malalim na boses mula sa likod ko.

“Wayne!” Agad akong napaharap sa kanya. “Ano’ng ginagawa mo dito?”

“i’m just checking to see if you need any help.” He said with a sly smile.

“Kaya ko na ’to.” Tumalikod ako mula sa kanya.

“Are you sure?” Humakbang siya palapit sa akin. He was so close to me, I could almost feel the warmth of his body on my back. Nang subukan kong umalis sa counter ay mabilis niyang idinantay ang kamay niya sa magkabilang side ko. I was trapped in between his arms. “Iniiwasan mo ba ako?”

“Wayne, ano ba…” Mahinang sabi ko at sinubukan kong itulak ang kamay niya.

“Why, Tanya?” May bakas ng galit at hinanakit sa boses niya. “Why are you fucking doing this to me? Why this house? Dapat sa atin ito…”

Mariin akong napapikit sa sinabi niya. Para akong nanghina. I bit my bottom lip to prevent myself from crying.

His warm lips brushed against my neck.

“WAYNE!” I flinched away from me. “Ano’ng ginagawa mo?”

“Show me how sorry you are.” He whispered in my ear before biting my lobe.

My eyes widened when he sucked on it. Nasa harap lang kami ng bintana at malingon lang si George at Therese dito ay makikita na nila kami. Gumapang ang isang kamay niya sa side ko pababa sa hita ko. Sinubukan ko siyang awatin pero walang epekto iyon sa kanya.

His slid his hand underneath my skirt habang ang isa namay ay pumasok sa pang-itaas ko. He cupped a feel of my breast before pulling my bra’s cup down. I tried not to squirm as his fingers flicked my nipple. Kumawala ang impit na ungol sa lalamunan ko ng maramdaman ko ang init ng palad niya sa ibabaw ng pagkababae ko.

“W-wayne, please, tama na… baka makita tayo…” Nagsimulang kumabog ang dibdib ko ng makita si George na nakatayo sa harap ng bintana. We were just an eye shot away from him. Abala siya sa pakikipaglaro kay Therese. 

“Doesn’t he know the real you?” His lips lightly brused on my shoulder and his fingers slid inside my panties. I shuddered and it made him snicker. “The poor guy has no idea what we’ve been doing.”

“Please, stop.” I half heartedly protested. I could feel the heat pooling in my stomach and it took efforts to speak.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell. It’ll be our dirty little secret.” Paos ang tinig na sabi niya.

I tried to push him away but he only held me tighter. He began to rub my clit and knead my nipple. I could feel his erection against my bottom. Goosebumps erupted all over my body. Napakapit ako ng mahigpit sa counter top. I wanted to stop him but the sensation overwhelmed me.  He rubbed harder and faster until I was writhing against the palm of his hand. I could no longer think straight as he massaged me, my orgasm building quickly with every move of his fingers. I closed my eyes and whimpered his name as climax took over my body. I was shaking and breathing heavily when he grabbed my jaw and made me face him. 

He crashed his lips against mine and I instantly pushed him away. He gently bit my bottom lip and released it. Namumungay ang mga matang tinitigan niya ako.

“Now you pleasure me.” His voice was husky.

Hinawakan niya ang balikat ko. He pushed me down to my knees in front of him. He then unzipped his pants and took his manhood out.  My eyes grew, his hardness was just right in front of my face. Napalunok ako at tumingala sa kanya.

“You know what to do with that. Take me in your mouth and make me come, angel.” He wore a smirk on his face but his voice was gentle. 

Angel. It still sounded so good to hear.  

I did as he told me to do. I wrapped my hand around the base of his length and opened my mouth. I slowly took him in. It had been so long but I still remember. I bobbed my head while I sucked the tip of it. He groaned. I knew from the expression of his face, he was more than pleased. He tangled his fingers in my hair as he began to thrust into my mouth. In and out. Slowly and gently. I swirled my tongue around him and heard a deep rumble coming from his throat.

“Tanya, I’m going to come.” He groaned.

He thrust his hips one more time and felt hot, thick liquid filling my mouth. I could still feel him throbbing inside me before I pulled away. I swallowed his essence, feeling the warmness of it down my throat.

I heard footsteps on the wooden patio. Agad akong napatayo. Papasok na sila sa bahay. Wayne tucked his manhood inside his pants and I hurriedly fixed myself up. Narinig kong bumukas ang pinto mula sa backyard papunta sa kitchen. Tumatakbong pumasok si Therese at nasa likod niya si George. 

“Mommy, you should’ve seen my kite!” Therese excitedly said. “It flew higher than that tree!”

“Really?” I tried so hard to stop my voice from shaking. Ramdam ko ang titig sa akin ni Wayne kahit hindi ako nakaharap sa kanya. Before Therese could take another step towards me, I excused myself to the bathroom. I was afraid they’d smell Wayne on me. 

Pumasok ako sa banyo at naghilamos. Napailing na lang ako sa sarili ko habang nakatitig sa salamin. Ilang beses ko na hinayaang may mangyari sa amin. Alam niya kung saan ako hahawakan, alam niya kung saan ako mahina. And it  was as if my body already memorized how to respond to him. I couldn’t stop him even if I wanted. Inayos ko ang sarili ko bago lumabas ng banyo. 

“I have to  go now.” Narinig kong sabi ni Wayne habang magkausap sila ni George.

“You’re leaving already?” Therese said in a disappointed tone. “But you said you’d read another book to me.”

“Maybe some other time, darling.” Sabi ni George. “Mr. Wayne is a very busy man.” 

“Don’t worry. I promise I’d visit you again and read you a story.” Nakangiting sabi ni Wayne.

Nagtama ang mga mata naman ni Wayne. My cheeks heat up when he smiled at me. Nagbaba agad ako ng tingin.

“Thank you, George, for inviting me over.” Narinig ko ang boses ni Wayne. “I really had a nice time. And Tanya,”

I forced myself to look at him. A devilish smile played on his lips. 

“I’m so excited to work with you. It was a pleasure talking to you earlier.” Binigyan niya ng diin ang salitang ‘pleasure’. “I know it would be an even more pleasure to work with you.” Makahulugan na sabi niya.

Tango lang ang naisagot ko. 

---

Hello guys, sorry for making you wait so long for an update. Nagbakasyon muna ako dahil summer naman. Salamat sa pagtitiyaga niyong maghintay. <3

Chapter Thirty Three

Wayne’s POV

I was sitting behind my desk and George and Tanya were sitting on the other side of it. George was reading the finalized contract and Tanya was trying her best to look to my direction. She didn’t take a single glance on me since walking into my office. I could see how tensed she was as I watched her. I enjoyed the rised and fall of her chest and the way her fingers fluttered in her lap.

Ignorance is indeed a bliss. Right next to her was her clueless lover. He had no clue what we were before and what we just did a week ago in their house. God, help us when he finds out about our past, present, and future?

I was staring at the adult version of the girl I loved wondering why I wasn’t the one who was beside her. I was just a part of her past now. She’d already created a life with someone else without me in it. And that fucking hurts. I waited for her to come back. I really did. I didn’t know when but it got to the point where I stopped caring about whether or not she was going to come back because I knew I would always be here waiting for her.

I thought I had moved on. I thought I was over her. The moment I saw her again for the first time after so many years, it felt as if no time had passed. It was as if someone had pressed paused for multiple years and resumed again. I was still stuck in our memories and everything tasted like those late night conversations about our hopes and dreams. The sweet innocent Tanya, she still exist somewhere deep inside me. I’d still never been able to bleed her all the way out. Maybe we got what we got and it was unfair to hold on to it but I couldn’t help it. She wasn’t mine now. It burns a little whenever I think of it. She had been mine before and I wanted to keep it like that. I’d never been able to commit to a life where she and I doesn’t exist. She was the fall I never really recovered from, she took the biggest part of my heart that I may not be able to get back.

“Everything looks good.” George nodded his head as he looked at the contract. He looked at Tanya. “Go ahead, darling. Sign the contract.”

He handed the documents to her. She lifted her eyes up, our gaze locked for an instant and in that moment there was only her and I. One corner of my lips lifted into a menacing smile. She held her head high as if her regal beauty was on display, as if telling me she was not affected. She had this air of confidence about her that shone through her soft exterior. Both proud and delicate, strong nad subtle.

She took a pen and I watched as she signed the contract. And that sealed everything.

“We’re finally business partners. I look forward to working with you.” I told her.

“Likewise.” She answered in a flat tone.

“I’m going back to Belgium this weekend.I hope you can help familiarize her with the business.”

“Of course.” I clasped my hands together and I turned my attention to her. “I’ll teach her whatever she needs to know.”

“Very well.” George said. “You’re more than just a business partner to us now, Wayne. We welcome you to our family with open arms.”

“Thank you, George.” I smiled at him, feeling a slight twinge of guilt. George looked like a good, old man. He had no clue I was fucking his mistress behind his back.

“I want to know your plans for our business.”

“Actually, nagreresearch pa lang kami ng magandang location na pwede namin pagtayuan.” I answered.

“Well, why don’t you take Tanya to see the locations?” George suggested.

She stiffened. “No, it’s okay. I don’t need to see the locations. Mas may alam si Mr. St. Croix sa mga bagay na iyan. He’s be in this business for a long time, I’ll go with his decisions.”

“Mr. St. Croix? What’s with the formality, Tanya. Have you forgotten how to say my name?” I chuckled, silently. Mr. St. Croix, my ass. Just a week ago, she was moaning my name and my cock was in her mouth.

She swallowed. “Since we’re now business partners, hindi ba mas maganda kung maging professional tayo.”

“We can be professional without the formality. We can mix business with… friendship.” I smirked.

“Right.” George nodded. “It helps a lot if you two become good friends. He can help you familiarize with the business environment, isn’t that right, Wayne?”

“Sure, no problem.” I said, not taking my gaze off her. “I hope we become best of buddies, Tanya.”

Tanya’s POV

“Papa, I’m going to miss you.” Humihikbing sabi ni Therese habang nakayakap siya kay George at buhat-buhat siya nito.

“I’m going to miss you too, sweetheart. You and your Mommy.” He gently whispered to the child while stroking her long, brown hair. “I’ll be back.”

“How many days do I have to count ’til you come back?” She asked.

“Ninety days.”

“That’s a lot of days.” She pouted, swallowing back a sob.

“That’s not a lot, I’ll be back before you know it so don’t cry.” He gently explained, wiping her tears away. “Nandito naman si Mommy.”

“But I’m still going to miss you.” She said.

“Me, too, sweety.” He kissed her forehead.

“Why do you always have to leave? Why can’t you stay with us?” Lumabi siya.

George let out a deep exhale. “I’m sorry, honey. I can’t stay here, my work is in Belgium.”

He comforted Therese until she calmed down. I asked her yaya to bring her to her room. She would cry even more if she sees George leaving. His luggage was already ready and the driver outside was waiting for him to take him to the airport.

“I feel bad.” He sighed.

“Ako na ang bahala kay Therese.” I smiled.

“She’s growing up too fast. Dapat nasa tabi niya ako habang lumalaki siya.” Malungkot na sabi ni George.

“We understand, George.”

“I should’ve been by your side, Tanya.” Puno ng lungkot ang mga mata niya habang nakatingin sa akin. “You came into my life and then there’s Therese… the both of you gave my life a meaning. You know Eleanor and I never had a child. Ngayon ko lang naranasan ang maging ama and I don’t think I’m doing a good job. I don’t want Therese to miss out on having a father in her life.”

“You may not be here with us all the time but you’re here when we need you. Matalinong bata si Therese, maiintindihan din niya ito.”

“Thank you for understanding, sweetheart.” He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a hug.

I caressed his back. “Take good care of yourself, okay? Don’t forget to take your meds.”

“Of course.” He chuckled and then pulled away. He gave me a kiss on the forehead. “I love you, sweetheart.”

“I love you, too.” I said.

I walked him to the car and hugged him again. Pinanood kong umalis ang kotse bago ako pumasok sa loob ng bahay. I went to Therese’s room to check up on her. Nakatulog na siya sa kaiiyak. Hinaplos ko ang buhok niya, I kissed her good night.

I checked my phone before going to bed and saw a message from Wayne. Binuksan ko iyon at binasa.

Let’s meet tomorrow.

I bit my lower lip as I stared at the screen. I’d been trying to get him out of my mind for the past few days but I could never get away from the memories of him. Kahit saan sulok ako tumingin sa bahay na ito si Wayne ang nakikita ko. I remember all the plans we had, all our dreams, and all our goals. Alam kong ako ang sumira sa mga pangarap namin na iyon. I bought this house because this was the closest I’d ever get to making all those dreams come true. They were just a distant memory now, like a memory from another life.

Pagkabukas ko pa lang ng pinto palabas sa kwarto ay narinig ko na ang tawa ni Therese. It was coming from the living room. I suddenly froze when the laughter was followed by a familiar voice of a man.

“But I haven’t seen your dog.” I heard him say.

“It’s an invisible dog.” Narinig kong sabi ni Therese. I took in a deep breath before slowly walking to the living room. Nakaupo sila sa sahig habang while Therese was drawing on a paper on top of the coffee table.

“Is he big and red?” Wayne asked.

“Mmhmm.” Therese nodded her head.

I felt heaviness in my chest as I watched them. I couldn’t help but think of the life we could’ve had together. I would never get that time back and things will never be the way they used to be. The house happened but us having five kids, us growing old together never will. I felt his void in every aspect of my life.

“Is his name Clifford?” He cocked a brow.

“Yes!” Therese giggled.


Biglang nag-angat ng tingin si Wayne at nagtama ang mga mata namin.

“Hey, good morning.” He said.

“Ano’ng ginagawa mo dito?” Tanong ko sa kanya.

“You didn’t reply to my message last night.”

“Hindi ko nabasa.” I lied.

“I know you read my message.” He said in an accusing tone. “We’re business partners now. We have to work together whether you like it or not.”

“Fine.” I tried to keep my cool in front of him.

“Aalis tayo ngayon. We’re going to check out a place.” He said.

“I’m taking Therese with me.” Sabi ko. I was afraid of being alone with him. Ayaw ko na mangyari ang mga nakaraang nangyari sa amin. I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop him sa kung anuman ang gusto niyang mangyari.

I sat on the passenger’s seat next to him while Therese sat on the backseat. Hindi niya sinabi sa akin kung saan kami pupunta. Therese and Wayne were getting along really well. Even though, Therese talks alot, he was very patient with her. Halos sila lang dalawa ang nag-uusap habang nasa biyahe.

“Mr. Wayne.” Therese popped her head on the space in between our seats.

“Yeah?” Tanong ni Wayne habang nakatingin sa kalsada.

“Do you have a girlfriend?” She innocently asked.

“Therese!” Saway ko sa kanya. “It’s not right to ask people that question.”

“No, I don’t have a girlfriend.” Natatawang sagot ni Wayne.

“Mommy can be your girlfriend. She doesn’t have a boyfriend.” 

“Therese, stop it!” I turned my head to her. Pinandilatan ko siya at naramdaman kong nag-init ang magkabilang pisngi ko nang mapuno ang kotse ng halakhak ni Wayne. “Saan mo ba natututunan yan?”

“From yaya! She tells me about her boyfriend. She told me they go out on dates and stuff.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I think you need someone to go out on dates with. Mr. Wayne doesn’t have a girlfriend.”

“I am going to talk to your yaya when we get home.” I frowned. 

“Yaya has a boyfriend and she’s happy when her boyfriend texts her. I just want you to be happy.” She said.

My face softened at what she said. “Oh, Therese… that’s not how it works.”

“Then how does it work?” Her cute brows furrowed.

“When you love someone with all your heart and he feels the same way for you then he becomes your boyfriend. You don’t get into a relationship with a man because of his looks… or his money.” Wayne threw a sideway glance at me. 

“Oh…Have you had a girlfriend, Mr. Wayne.”

“Therese, I brought some chips. Kumain ka na lang.” I said, getting out of my bag. I felt the heavy atmosphere between Wayne and I.

“Yes, I’ve had a girlfriend.” He answered.

“Then where is she now?” Therese asked

“She left me…” He non-chalantly said. I felt a lump forming in my throat when he said that. I knew he was talking about me.

“Why?” Muling tanong niya.

“I don’t know. I never got the chance to ask her.” Wayne glanced at me and I avoided his gaze. I felt an ache in my chest. It was my fault. I knew I was the one who ruined everything between us.

Thank God, naiba ang topic ng dalawa. Huminto ang kotse sa harap ng saradong restaurant. We stepped out of the car. Hawak-hawak ko ang kamay ni Therese at hawak naman ni Therese sa isang kamay niya si Wayne. 

“Hi, I’m Sandra, I’m the real estate agent you contacted.” Sumalubong ang isang babae sa amin. Inilahad niya ang kamay niya kay Wayne. “You must be, Mr. St. Croix.”

“Wayne.” He said, taking it and shaking her hand. “And this is Tanya.”

“Hi, Tanya, nice to meet you.” She said.

I gave her a smile.

“Hello!” Therese said, being the usual friendly girl she was.

“Hi, you’re so cute.” Sabi nito bago muling ibinalik ang atensyon kay Wayne. “She must be your daughter. What a wonderful family. 

He didn’t correct the lady. Ngiti lang ang isinagot ni Wayne. A part of me wanted to correct her and the other part didn’t. Maybe we could play make-believe… even for just a day. Pwede kong isipin na isang pamilya kami. That our dreams of having a happy family came true. Nakaramdam ako nang pagsisisi at panghihinayang habang nakatingin kay Therese at Wayne. I was looking at my past and my present. 

She asked us to follow her and showed us around the place. We were in a closed down restaurant in the heart of the city. It was nice and it had a lot of space. Nang mapagod si Therese ay pinasan siya ni Wayne sa likod niya. Therese sat on his shoulders habang naglalakad kami. 

“I had a pet fish named Frosty because I got him on Christmas day but he died and we flushed him in the toilet. And now I really want a puppy.” Kwento ni Therese.

“And let me guess, you’re going to name him Clifford.” Wayne smiled.

“Yes! But Mommy said I can’t have a puppy.”

“Why can’t she have a puppy?” Kunot ang noong tanong sa akin ni Wayne na para bang seryosong-sersyoso ito.

“Yeah, why can’t I have a puppy?” Therese pouted.

“Because you’re too young to take care of it.” I told her.

“I can take care of my puppy.” Sabi ni Therese.

“Come on, the kid wants a puppy. Let her have it.” Sabi naman ni Wayne.

I shook my head. “Hindi pwede. Ako din ang mag-aalaga nun.”

“Please, mommy?” Therese gave me the puppy dog eyes and rested her chin on top of Wayne’s head.

“Please?” Sinabayan niya ito.

I bit my inner cheek to stop myself from smiling at how cute they looked. “I’ll think about it.”

Kumain kami ng dinner sa labas bago kami umuwi. Gabi na ng makarating kami sa bahay. Therese invited him at wala na akong nagawa. I didn’t want to be rude and tell him to go home. She asked him if he could read her a book before she goes to bed and Wayne said yes.

“And he huffed and he puffed and he blew the little pigs house down.” Nakahiga si Wayne sa gilid ng kama ni Therese habang nagbabasa ng libro. I just stood by her door and watched them together. Therese yawned and finally closed her eyes. It had been a long day at talagang napagod ang bata. 

Ngayon ko lang nakita kung gaano kasabik si Therese sa isang ama. George had been good to us, I knew he was trying his best but Therese needed a concrete father figure in her life. She needed someone who would stay, someone who’s always present. Alam kong ginagawa naman ni George ang lahat sa abot ng makakaya niya but weekend visitations weren’t enough. At isa pa, may edad na si George. He doesn’t have the stamina and strength that Wayne has and Therese was a little ball of energy. He couldn’t play with Therese the whole even if he wanted. 

I felt bad for her. I didn’t want her to go through the same things I did. Ayaw kong maranasan niyang mainggit sa mga kaklase niya dahil may ama sila at siya wala. I didn’t want her to experience having to make father’s day cards in school and throwing it away because I didn’t have a father. Don’t get me wrong, I had a wonderful childhood. Binusog ako sa pagmamahal ni Nanay, pinuno niya ang kawalan ni Tatay pero iba pa rin kapag may ama ka.

Therese saw a father in Wayne. I felt a twinge of pain in my chest. He could’ve been a great father. We could’ve had a beautiful family. There was a lot of could’ve, would’ve, should’ve playing in my mind.  We could’ve had the family we dreamt of. I could picture it in my head and it breaks my heart because it’s not reality. It’s another life. It’s what could’ve been.

Wayne closed his eyes. I didn’t know if he was just resting his eyes or he fell asleep. Lumapit ako sa kama at kinumutan si Therese at pati na rin siya. I sighed and felt a new wave of pain as I stared at him. His face was soft and relaxed. 

I still remember everything. I remember staring at him until I fall asleep. I remember how it felt to have our feet touch while we drifted off. I remember waking up to him pulling me into his arms half asleep. I still remember the taste our kiss created.

You know what they say that some relationships were only meant to teach us a lesson? Maybe we’re one of those.

---

Hello guys, 

Sorry dahil pinaghintay ko na naman kayo ng matagal. I hope you still remember Wayne and Tanya’s story lol. I’m not going to promise anything but I’ll try my best to update as often as I can. Sorry talaga sobrang busy lang ngayon.  Enjoy!

Chapter Thirty Four

Wayne’s POV

I blinked my eyes open to see a little girl sleeping next to me and right next to the girl was Tanya. Her arm was wrapped around Therese’s body as she slept. It was already morning. The sun was shining through the windows and falling in golden rays inside Therese’s room.

How many times had I dreamt of waking up next to her and our children? I felt a sting in my chest as reality slowly sunk in. She could’ve been mine but Therese wasn’t my child. She was the child of the woman I loved and her lover. Maraming taon na ang nakaraan, Tanya had always been at the back of my mind. That was where I buried her and our memories. Not I felt as if it was burning like wildfire through my mind. I’d been trying to fight it but it just kept spreading. I’d fantasized about seeing her one day, everything would be forgiven, everything would be forgotten. I’d take her again and we’d have the family we had always wanted. But it was too late. She built a family with someone else.

I knew I was torturing myself. I could’ve easily refuse George’s offer but I gave in to my need for her. I still couldn’t accept a life without her. I could no more give her up than I could give up breathing. I needed her if it’s only for a moment now and then. A glimpse of heaven is better than a life in hell which is exactly what it was without her.

“Good morning, Mr. Wayne.” Therese’s little voice pulled me from my thoughts. I looked down and she was staring at me with a sweet smile on her face.

“Hey.” I smiled. “Good morning.”

“Did you sleep in my bed too? We had a sleepover?”


“I guess so, yeah.” Sabi ko.

Therese sat up, her motion woke Tanya up. Our gaze met but she immediately looked away.

“Good morning, Mommy.” Therese said and kissed her mother’s cheek. Then she turned to me and pressed her lips on my cheek too. “I forgot to say give you a morning kiss.” She giggled.

“That’s alright.” I smiled. Her sweetness made my heart melt.

“Good morning, sweetheart.” Tanya sat up and kissed him on the forehead.

“We had a sleepover, Mommy! Can we do it again? Can Mr. Wayne sleep here with us again?”

Tanya just smiled at her. She sat up and kissed her daughter on the forehead. “Gutom ka na ba? What do you want for breakfast?”

“I want some french toast!”

“Okay, I’ll go make you your french toast.” She affectionately pinched her little nose. And then her eyes landed on me. “Ikaw? Anong gusto mong kainin?”

“What you usually cook.” I answered. She quietly nodded her head and then she got up from bed. She headed to the bathroom and got out of it after a few minutes, looking fresh. Tanya took Therese with her out of the room and I was left there alone. I went to the bathroom and freshened up.

The delicious smell of food filled my nostrill when I opened the door. I followed scent and it lead me to the kitchen. Tanya was in front of the stove and Therese was sitting on the dining table, eating her french toast. The warmth of the morning felt as if it was mocking me, reminding me of all our dreams and plans that never came true.

Tanya turned her head and saw me. “Umupo ka muna. Malapit ng matapos itong niluluto ko.”

I did as she told me and sat next to Therese. After a minute or so, she put a plate of fried rice with egg and corned beef in front of me. She sat down with us. Tanya was wearing a blue cotton nighties. Very unsuccessfully, I tried not to ogle as she leaned in, I tried to ignore how the nighties she was wearing exposed a hint of sweel of her breasts. I tried to pretend it didn’t remind me of the perfection of her body and how it had felt against me.

“Mr. Wayne do you have a family?” Therese asked as we ate.

“Therese, eat your breakfast.” Tanya said in a scolding voice.

I took me awhile to answer but I did. “No, I don’t.”

“Can you be my daddy?” She asked.

“Therese! Ano ba yang pinagsasabi mo? You don’t ask people to be your daddy!” Pinandilatan niya ang bata.

“But mommy, my teacher told me we have to bring our mommies and daddies next week for family day. I don’t want to go without a daddy.” She pouted.

Tanya’s face softened as she looked at her daughter. She brushed her fingers through her hair. “You have me? Ayaw mo bang tayong dalawa lang?”

“All my classmates’ daddies are all going to be there.” Her eyes twinkled with sadness.

“We’ll explain to your teacher. Don’t worry about it, okay?” She tucked some loose hair behind the little girl’s ear.

“You don’t have to worry about it because I’m going. I’ll be your daddy for family day.” I said.

“Really?” Her face glowed with happiness. Seeing her this happy made me happy as well. She had this charming and sweet innocence about her.

“Really.” I nodded my head.

She jumped out of her seat and hugged me. “Thanks, Mr. Wayne. You’re the best.”

“You’re welcome, sweety.” I smiled.

“Can I call you Daddy on family day?”

“Therese!” Tanya frowned, her cheeks flushing. “You can’t call him daddy. You’re pushing it too far. Ikaw talagang bata ka. Nakakahiya na kay Wayne.”

“If he’s going to be my daddy for family day then I can’t call him Mr. Wayne in front of my teachers and classmates.” She reasoned.

“It’s alright.” I told Tanya, giving a sharp look. This was the the life she had robbed me of. We could’ve had five kids by now. Things could’ve been different. When she left there was nothing but emptiness, loneliness. I was alone and lost. She was the only thing that made sense in my life. Therese wasn’t my child, she was Tanya’s but she was the closest thing that I would ever be to the life we’d dreamt of. “You can call me Dad, Therese.”

“Really?” Her eyes were lamps turned on as she looked at me. She got to her feet and started jumping up and down. “Yay! Now I have a Daddy!”

“Don’t you already have a Daddy?” I asked.

“You mean Papa George? He’s not my Daddy, he’s my Papa.” She beamed.

“Therese, tapusin mo na yang kinakain mo. It’s not good to keep the food waiting.” Tanya sighed as if she was annoyed.

Therese being her usual bubbly self, talked on and on as we ate. I said goodbye to her after finishing our breakfast and Tanya stood walk me to the door.

“Hindi mo naman kailangan gawin iyon, Wayne.” She suddenly said as we walked out of the dining room, out of Therese’s sight.

“What?” I asked.

“Hindi mo naman kailangan pumunta sa family day sa school ni Therese. Ako na lang ang magpapaliwanag sa kanya.”

“You’re going to disappoint the kid?” My lips lifted in a contemptuous smirk. “Hindi niya kasalanan na wala siyang madadalang ama para sa father’s day. Hindi ka ba naaawa sa bata, Tanya? Hindi mo siya kayang bigyan ng buong pamilya.”

She swallowed, her eyes remained on me but she never said a word. I knew she wouldn’t be saying any and so I walked away. I walked away from the life that should’ve been mine.

Tanya’s POV

Family day ngayon sa school ni Therese. We were already in her school with Wayne. She introduced Wayne to her teachers and her classmates as her father. Ilang araw niyang pinaghandaan itong family day. She had been so anxious and excited since yesterday.

“This is my Daddy Wayne.” She said to her teachers, showing him off. Wayne had been nothing but patient and kind to her. Para silang totoong mag-ama. It made me smile seeing her happy but I also felt a pinch in my heart. Wayne was right when he told me that I couldn’t give her a complete family. Mula ng dumating siya sa buhay ko, kami lang talagang dalawa ang magkasama. George occassionally visit us but it was mostly just her and I.

Ibinuhos ko ang lahat ng pagmamahal ko kay Therese. Ibinigay ko sa kanya ang lahat ng kaya kong ibigay. She was all I had and she was enough for me. Pero iba ang nararamdaman ni Therese. Kahit hindi niya sabihin alam kong nararamdaman niyang may kulang sa buhay niya. I could feel her longing for a normal family.

“And this is my Mommy.” She held my hand with her free hand while on the other hand she was holding Wayne’s.

“What a gorgeous family.” Sabi ng teacher niya habang nakatingin sa amin. We went and join the other families after Therese introduced us to her teachers.

Natutuwa akong makitang masaya ang anak ko dahil kumpleto ang ‘pamilya’ namin. Kahit ngayon araw may naiharap siyang buong pamilya sa mga tao sa paligid niya. It was pretend but it felt good. In front of other people, we were a family. It was like taking a peak through the life Wayne and I envisioned together when we were younger.

Nagparticipate si Wayne sa sack race ng mga tatay ng mga bata. He won the race at tuwang-tuwa si Therese lalo na ng makakuha sila ng price. Nag third place kami sa tug-of-war which was not so bad. Wayne and Therese joined the three legged race and won second place. Ang sumunod at huling game ay ang apple eating contest. Ang mga magulang ng mga bata ang kailangan maglaro which meant Wayne and I. Ayaw kong sumali pero pinilit ako ni Therese.

There was an apple hanging from the string between me and Wayne and we had to finish it without using our hands. Kailangan namin maubos ang mansanas na iyon. Wayne and I tried to catch the apple swinging in the air and we munched on it. Nang paubos na ang mansanas at sinubukan kong hulihin iyon, Wayne was doing the same thing as I was and our lips suddenly touched. We kissed… while Therese was watching. I felt his lips curving upward against mine. My whole body tensed and I pulled away. Bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko.

This wasn’t the first time we kissed but not in front of my daughter. For God’s sake! One of the couples finished the apple and won the game. I was relieved when it ended.

“I saw you and Mommy kiss!” Therese giggled ng bumalik kami sa pwesto niya. My cheeks turned red in embarrassment. Wayne smiled at my daughter and affectionately ruffled her hair.

Gabi na ng matapos ang family day. Sumakay kami sa kotse ni Wayne para ihatid na kami sa bahay. I sat next to him on the passenger’s seat and Therese sat at the back.

“Mommy and Mr. Wayne kissing on a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” She sang, moving her head right and left.

“Therese, stop it.” Marahang saway ko sa kanya at napuno ng halakhak ni Wayne ang buong kotse.

“Did you have fun, munchkin?” Tanong niya sa bata.

“I had tons of fun!” Sagot ng bata. “Mr. Wayne?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I call you Daddy even if it’s not family day?”

“Therese, ano ka ba? Hindi na tama yan, ah! Sumusobra ka na.” I turned my head at pinandilatan ko siya ng mata.

“Of course, you can.” Sabi naman ni Wayne na ikinagulat ko.

“Wayne!” I exhaled in a tight voice. He gave me a sideway glance and shrugged. Huminto ang kotse niya sa driveway ng bahay. Tulog na tulog na si Therese sa likod ng kotse. I got out of the car and carried her but Wayne took her from me. I tried to take my daughter back but he wouldn’t let me. Naglakad siya papunta sa pinto ng bahay.

“You don’t have to do all these.” Sabi ko sa kanya habang nakasunod sa likod niya. “Tama na yung sumama ka sa amin sa family day. Sobra na yata kung hahayaan mo ang anak ko na tawagin kang Daddy.”


“I’m doing this to make the kid happy. Hindi ko ito ginagawa para sa’yo.” He coldly said.

I unlocked the door and pushed it open. “Ayaw ko lang maguluhan ang bata. She already has a father.”

“Then where is he now? With his real family?” He snided. I stared at him for a moment, not knowing exactly what to say. “Alam ba niyang pamilya kayo ni George sa labas?”

“Please, Wayne, I don’t want to talk about that. Baka marinig ka ni Therese.” Pag-iiwas ko.

He gave me a distasteful glance before stepping inside the house. Dinala niya si Therese sa kwarto nito at hiniga doon. Nagulat ako ng dumiretso siya sa kwarto ko at sinundan ko siya doon.

“What are you do—” I paused when I saw him undressing down to his boxers. Tumambad sa akin ang matipunong katawan niya. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin. “Bakit naghuhubad ka?”

“I feel sweaty and sticky. Maliligo lang ako.” He said before taking off the last of his cloth and going into the bathroom in my room. I didn’t know why but I stayed in that room while he took a shower. Dinampot ko ang mga hinubad na damit niya at tiniklop iyon ng maayos.

Something in his pants vibrated and lit. Out of curiosity, I reached into his pocket and a message popped out of his screen.

Amanda:

I miss you, Love. I still can’t forget the night I spent with you. When are we going to see each other again?

My fingers clenched around his phone. Huminga ako ng malalim nang maramdaman ko ang namumuong init sa dibdib ko.

Biglang bumukas ang pinto ng banyo ko at lumabas si Wayne na walang suot kung hindi ang tuwalyang nakapulupot sa baywang niya.

“Mabuti ka pa umuwi ka na. Miss ka na daw ni Amanda!” I sarcastically said.

Bumaba ang tingin niya sa kamay kong hawak ang phone niya. His brow cocked and a smile formed on his lips. “Have you been going through my phone?”

Agad kong ibinaba iyon sa bedside table. “Hindi ah! Inaayos ko lang naman yung mga damit tapos nagpop yung message ng girlfriend mo.”

“Wala akong girlfriend.” Her smile grew wider.

“Talaga? Sabi pa nga niya ‘she can’t forget the night she spent with you’.” I rolled my eyes. “Mabuti pa puntahan mo na si Amanda. Siguro sabik na sabik na siyang makita ka.”

He chuckled. “Are you jealous?”

“I’m not jealous.” Tanggi ko kahit totoo naman. I felt my cheek heat up and I avoided his gaze. “Salamat sa pagsama sa amin ni Therese sa family day. But I think you have to go. You don’t want to keep Amanda waiting.”

“She can wait all she wants. I’m going to sleep.” He yawned. Tinanggal niya ang tuwalyang nakatakip sa ibabang bahagi ng katawan niya. I swallowed and looked away, embarrassed.

“Why are you acting all embarrassed? Last week lang nasa loob mo ito.” He laughed and slid into my bed.

“Bastos!” My cheeks were burning with humiliation. Nagulat ako ng bigla niyang kunin ang kamay ko at hatakin ako. Dahilan para mahulog ako sa tabi niya. 

“Wayne, ano ba?” I tried to get away from him as he wrapped his arm around my waist.

“Shh… let’s go to sleep. We’re both tired.” He yawned.

“No, umuwi ka na. Umuwi ka na dun sa Amanda mo!” Inis na sabi ko.

“I’m staying here.” He pulled me closer to him, burying his face into my neck and pressing his naked body against mine. Hindi na ako nanlaban. Hinayaan kong balutin ako ng init ng katawan niya. 

Wayne’s POV

I kissed her on her close eyelids and she clung tighter to me. Her face bathed in the moonlight as she slept in my arms. She had the most sensual, holy, and angelic face that heaven and earth created. Her face was both innocent and feral, soft and wild. Not much had changed. If anything, time had only enhanced her quiet beauty. I could not look away. I wanted to memorize every inch of her, I wanted to notice every change in her.

I felt that familiar feeling I could clearly remember from years ago when we were still together. That insatiable feeling that flows through my body deep into the pits of my soul. My soul connected to hers… and only to hers. I found a home inside her that I had never found in anyone. My happiest breaths were inhaled while I was interwined with her. I experienced with her the purest feeling a human being could ever feel, love.

 I let myself love every piece of her, every broken piece. I loved her selflessly. Ibinuhos ko ang lahat ng pagmamahal ko sa kanya. Wala akong itinira sa sarili ko. But why did she have to leave? She had no idea how much she had hurt me.  I wanted to refuse to be somewhere near her but something about the fact of seeing her drew me closer to her. 

She was already with another man and they had a daughter. Everytime I look at the child, I feel a deep sense of longing for the life that could’ve been. The life we’d envisioned together. Hindi man sa akin si Therese, handa akong tumayong ama niya. Gusto kong ipagpatuloy ang nasimulan namin. I wanted to take back the life she had robbed me of.

Chapter Thirty Five

Tanya’s POV

“Daddy Wayne says he’s going to build me a tree house. Right, Daddy Wayne?” Sabi ni Therese habang kumakain kami. My eyes averted to where Wayne was sitting right across from me and our gaze locked. She called him ‘Daddy’. Ang sarap magkunwaring isang buong pamilya kami. I wanted to pretend that our love story never ended, that we had our happily ever after.  But I knew I’d only be fooling myself if I play the pretend game with him.

“Of course, munchkin.” Sagot nito.

“Therese, you shouldn’t call him Daddy.” Saway ko sa kanya.

“Why not?” She pouted innocently and looked at Wayne. “I can call you Daddy Wayne, right?”

“She can call me Daddy Wayne.” He said with an impish smile on his face.

“See! Told you.” Masayang sabi ni Therese.

I sighed and couldn’t do anything else but look at the both of them. Nakikita ko kung gaano napapalapit ang loob ng anak ko kay Wayne at natatakot ako. For so long it was just me and my daughter, and now Wayne was suddenly in the picture… but until when?

Pagkatapos namin kumain nagpaalam na si Wayne sa bata. I left Therese with her Yaya para ihatid si Wayne papunta sa front door ng bahay. It was just me and him.

“Daddy Wayne? What’s that all about.” I confronted him as soon we got out of the dining room.

“She asked me if she could call me Daddy Wayne and I said yes.” He explained.

“Sana hindi ka pumayag. You’re just going to confuse her. May Papa siya.”

“I’m confusing her?” Wayne stopped and turned to face me. “You have the audacity to tell me that?”

His eyes narrowed and filled with loathing as he looked at me. I wanted to shrink away from his gaze. Ramdam ko ang pagtagos ng matatalim na titig niya hanggang sa buto ko.

“Hindi ikaw ang ama niya.” I said in a small voice.

“Then where is her father now?” He said in a quiet roar. Lalong naningkit ang mga mata niya sa galit. What was the worst though was the pain I saw under the anger. “Gusto mong ipagdamot ko sa bata ang pagtawag sa akin ng Daddy? Is that what you want me to do, Tanya?”

“Wala kang naiintindihan sa mga nangyayari.”

“Eh di ipaintindi mo sa akin.” His voice was low yet harsh. “Itong buhay ba ang gusto mo? You left me for this life?”

Hindi ako kumibo. He shook his head and angrily marched out the door. Padabog na ibinagsak ni Wayne ang pinto paglabas niya. I sighed and closed my eyes, keeping the tears at bay.

Nagkamali ako at kahit anong pagsisisi ko hindi ko na maibabalik ang nakaraan. I wished he knew na kahit kailan hindi nawala ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya. Na hanggang ngayon pinanghahawakan ko pa din sa puso ko ang mga pangarap namin na hindi natupad.

A part of him would always remain in me.

It had always been him and it would always be him.

Wayne’s POV

“Daddy Wayne!” Therese ran up to me with arms open. I opened mine and crouched down, just in time to catch her in a hug. I lifted her up and she wrapped her tiny arms around my neck. I love hearing her call me Daddy. I desperately wanted so bad to be her real father. Therese was the daughter Tanya and I were supposed to have. And this was the closest thing I could ever get to that cherished dream.

“Hey there, munchkin. Did you miss me?” I playfully asked.

“I did!” She answered almost immediately. “Mommy missed you, too.”

I cocked a brow and turned my head to Tanya who was quietly watching us. Her eyes suddenly widened in surprise when she heard what Therese said.

“Therese, ano na naman yang pinagsasabi mo?” She scolded.

“I saw you looking at Daddy Wayne’s pictures—” She covered the little girl’s mouth with her hand. Her face turned bright red.

“Stop it!” She said. A wide smile that suddenly overtook my face. When our gaze met, she instantly looked away. She couldn’t hide the embarrassment on her face even if she tried.

“I brought all the things we need to build your treehouse.” I decided to let it slide, for now.

Therese pulled Tanya’s hand away from her mouth. She excitedly looked at me. “We’re going to make a treehouse?”

“Yeah, that’s what I promised you.” I pinched her nose.

“Mommy, we’re going to make a treehouse!” She told her mother.

I went back to my car and took out all the things I needed to make the treehouse. This was one of the dreams we dreamt together. Having a treehouse in our backyard where our children could play.

Our love was lost but it was still love.

It was like an incurable disease, loving her… Nothing on earth could make me stop feeling this way. I felt like I would still love her every single lifetime with every fiber of my being. How could I completely let go of our hopes and dreams when they were what kept me going?

I began to hammer the woods I’d brought together and Therese helped by handing me the nails. There was a special connection between her and I. At first I just saw her as a way to get close to Tanya but this little girl was full of charm. I wanted to be her father even if it was just an illusion. I already love her like she was my own. She may not be mine but she was the child of the woman I love more than life itself.

“Kumain muna kayo.” Tanya came out of the backyard with a tray in her hands. “Gumawa ako ng sandwich at juice.”

Therese and I stopped what we were doing and walked to the veranda where the food was. We’d been putting the woods together for a good three hours now. It was almost sun down and I didn’t even realize it. Wala pa kaming masyadong nagawa. I had trouble reading the blueprint and we made a couple of mistakes but we did have fun. That was all that matters.

“Therese, look at you, you’re all sweaty.” Tanya exclaimed, wiping the little girl’s sweat with a small towel.

“That’s ’cause Daddy Wayne and I did a lot of work today, didn’t we?” She looked at me.

“Yep and we still have a lot more work to do.” I said.

“Daddy’s sweaty too.” She grinned. “Punas mo din siya.”

Tanya looked at me and our eyes locked. I saw the subtle tightening of her whole body.

“Yeah, I’m sweaty, too.” I said with an arrogant smirk on lips, waiting to be amused by her reaction.

Instead I became the fucking amusement when she came up to me and without saying anything, she took out another towel and wiped the sweat off my forehead. I just stared at her, dumbfounded. We looked into each other’s eyes for a considerable amount of time, the eye contact thing we always did. How could she do that? Make me fall for her and yet hate her all at the same time?

“Do you two love each other?” We heard Therese’s voice. It was as if we woke up from a trance and we pulled away from each other.

“Ano na naman yan tanong mo, Therese?”

“Do you love my Mommy, Daddy Wayne?” She asked.

“What?” I looked at Tanya and she turned her head away from me. How do I answer that?  “Well, your Mommy and I have been friends for a long time. She… she means alot to me.”

My gaze averted back to Tanya. She was now chewing on her bottom lip, her expression turning almost wistful.

“Do you love Daddy Wayne, Mommy?”

Tanya’s face shifted into a new expression. It was as if she was thinking if she should answer Therese’s question or not.

“Eat your food and be quiet.” Tanya sighed.

“One of my classmates asked where babies come from and my teacher said when Mommies and Daddies love each other they can make a baby with each other.” She innocently said. “Are you going to make a baby?”

“Therese, that’s not an appropriate thing to say!” Tanya exclaimed, shock and embarrassment evident on her face.

The roar of my laughter filled the backyard from end to end. Kids and the silly things they say.

“Daddy Wayne… Can you read me a bedtime story?” She asked, just as I was about to go home. We’d already finished half of the treehouse’s floor and I had dinner with the two girls.

“Ako na lang. Let Wayne leave.” Tanya said.

“But I want Daddy Wayne to read my bedtime story.” She pouted.

“Pagod na si Wayne. Please, Therese, stop being so stubborn.” Tanya frowned.

“It’s okay.” I told Tanya before averting my attention to Therese. I took her hand. “Come on, I’ll read you a story.”

Therese took me to Tanya’s room and Tanya followed behind us. She tucked her daughter to bed while I grab a children’s book. Therese asked me to lay down next to her while Tanya sat on the other side next to her. I opened the book and began to read her a short children’s book.

“Good night, Daddy Wayne.” She hooked her one arm around my neck and gave me a kiss on the cheek. She did the same to Tanya with her other arm. “Good night, Mommy.”

“Good night.” We both said almost at the same time.

Therese soon fell asleep but I just quietly layed there and stared at the ceiling. I never wanted to leave. I wished I could just stay here in this make-believe reality where all our dreams came true and all our promises were fulfilled. I’d always choose her. In a hundred lifetimes, in different worlds, in any version of reality, I’d find her and I’d choose her. I knew the person who tore my heart into pieces was the same person who has the power to put it back together.

“Wayne?” Tanya spoke.

“Yeah?” I sighed, as if my heart wanted room to clear my head.

“I’m sorry about what happened three days ago. I shouldn’t have acted like that. Salamat din sa lahat ng ginagawa mo para kay Therese.”

“I want to know how sorry you are, Tanya.” A menacing smirk played on my lips. I hopped to her side of the bed and tossed my body on top of her. She looked at me with eyes wide open in shock.

“W-what are you doing?” She whispered and turned her head to Therese who was just a few inches away from us.

I rolled off the bed and onto the floor and I pulled her down with me. She let out a quiet gasp when she landed on top of me. She put her hand to my chest and tried to push her body up on top of me but I was quick to wrap my arms around her waist.

“Wayne, ano ba? Baka magising si Therese.” She said in a hushed voice.

“She won’t as long as we keep quiet.” I murmured with my face buried into her neck. I could feel her body softening against me and after awhile she stopped fighting. Her arms wrapped around me and my hands began to caress the length of her back. I knew all the right places to touch her, the right way to do it and the right things to say.

This was the only way I knew how to communicate with her. Physically. I burn for the raw honesty our bodies create together. It was an intense energy that before we even touch was radiating off of us. Everytime we kiss and touch, it was as if no time had elapsed between our present and past selves.

My hands roamed around her body as we kissed. I felt like I was on fire and it had nothing to do with the temperature outside. My lips left hers and strayed over her neck. She clutched onto my head as my lips wreacked havoc against her skin.

I reached for the hem of her dress and lifted it up over her head until she was wearing nothing but her underwears. I looked at the majestic beauty sitting on top of me. Her body was more womanly now, more curvy, more beautiful and attractive. She was a full-grown woman now.

My hands encircled around both her breasts in a grip of pure, unadulterated grip. I squeezed her soft flesh, she moaned and sighed quietly in response. My hands went to her back and unhooked her bra, letting it fall to the ground. Lifting my head up, I took her breast into my mouth and began to suck on it. She arched her back under the lash of consuming pleasure.

I could feel my arousal growing inside my pants as I ground our hips together. My hands went down to her stomach and made its way inside her remaining cloth, her panties. My fingers glided along her folds. She was already hot and wet for me. Wet, swollen, and ready. She rained liquid fire on my hand as I inserted my fingers in and out of her.

I gave her other breast the same attention as I gave the first one while unbuttoning my pants and pulling it down. I freed my engorged manhood. She looked down at me with hooded eyes. I held her by the waist, lifting her up and pushing her down my length. She let out a controlled whimper. It was as if our souls touch for one moment of glory. And damn do our souls know each other.

I knew every gasp and could read every small change in how her body reacts. bit her bottom lip as I moved her on top of me, careful not to make any noise. I swallowed back my groans and moans. I sunk in and out of her, deeper with each thrust. A few more deep desperation fueled thrust. I could feel myself nearing an orgasm.

“Come for me, Tanya. Now.” I whispered into her ear with an agony of need.

My whole body stiffened and I hugged her as I drowned in my own ocean of pleasure. She buried her face into my chest. We clung into each other, trying to get our breathing back to normal.

“Is it true? What Therese said?” I asked after a few moments of silence.

“What?” She asked.

“That you were looking at my pictures.” I smugly said.

“I—I wasn’t.”

“Don’t lie while I’m inside you.”

“I was just looking through the photos from family day.” She quietly said.

“So were you looking at my photos?” A smile crept on my lips.

“Eh syempre, nandun ka.” She answered.

I swallowed back a laughter. No matter how hopeless our situation seemed, I could never turn my back on her. She was my happiness. She would always be my soulmate in this lifetime and in any other life.

---

Sorry for taking too long to update.

Chapter Thirty Six

Tanya’s POV

Pinagmasdan ko ang dalawa habang natutulog. Naalimpungatan si Therese kanina nang paalis na si Wayne at hinalikan niya ang bata. Therese didn’t want him to leave kaya tinabihan niya muna ito hanggang sa makatulog din pati siya. Therese was in his Wayne’s arms and her head pillowed against his chest.

Hinawi ko ang hilang hibla ng buhok sa mukha ni Therese at hinalikan siya. I knew how Therese feels. Lumaki akong walang ama. Ramdam ko din ang pangungulila niya sa isang ama at kay Wayne niya nahanap iyon. Wayne had been nothing but wonderful. Nakita ko kung gaano napamahal sa kanya si Therese. Pero nandyan si George. I didn’t want Wayne to take over his place as Therese’s father. Mabuting ama si George. He was doing the best he could. Kahit naman palaging wala si George, he makes the most out of the times he spends with us.

Masyado pang bata si Therese para maintindihan iyon, ang sitwasyon namin. I didn’t want her getting used to having Wayne here but at the same time ayaw ko naman ipagdamot kay Therese ito. My heart was in a battle with my head.

I leaned down to kiss Wayne too. He moaned and moved a little but didn’t wake up. I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. Minahal ako ni Wayne sa kung ano ako at kung anong ako na akala niya noon. He gave me the love I needed and much more. Pero iniwan ko siya. I was you back then. I was lost, scared, and confused. We were young back then and I wanted to get life figured out more than I had it at 18. I thought I was doing the right thing when I left him. Natakot din ako para kay Wayne. I didn’t want his father to disown him because of me.

Ngayon tinatanong ko sa sarili ko kung tama nga ba ang ginawa ko noon na iwan siya?  Would we have lasted? Would we have had the family we dreamt of having? Masaya kaya kami ngayon?

They looked so peaceful, so serene as they cuddled. It almost seemed… fake. I felt like I was in a dream I never wanted to wake up from. Tumabi ako sa dalawa, nasa pagitan namin si Therese. I wrapped my arms around her tiny waist and closed my eyes.

Wala na si Wayne at Therese ng magising ako pero naririnig ko ang dalawa sa labas ng kwarto. I fixed myself up in the bathroom before heading out of the room. Naghahabulan ang dalawa.

“Umagang-umaga, naghahabulan kayo. Nagbreakfast na ba kayong dalawa?” I asked.

“Mmhm, Daddy Wayne took me out. We ate burgers and fries and we also had donuts.” Sagot ng bata.

“That’s what you had for breakfast?”

“Don’t worry. We also bought fries and burger for you too, Mommy.” Sabi ni Therese.

“Burger and fries for breakfast? Really, Wayne?” I cocked  brow.

“You know I don’t cook. She doesn’t want oatmeal or cereal and she can’t have coffee.”

“Sana nagpaluto kayo sa Yaya mo ng breakfast o ginising niyo ko.”

“It’s Yaya’s off today, remember? And Daddy Wayne told me not to wake you up.” She reasoned.

“I know you’re still tired from last night.” He smiled meaningfully and then winked. Suddenly, I felt all flushed. He slowly walked up to me still wearing that… that stupid you-can’t-help-but-love-me smile. Hinawakan niya ang magkabilang baywang ko. “She’s a kid, I just want to spoil her once in a while. Minsan lang naman ’to.”

I wanted to melt at the heat of his touch. He cupped my face in his hands. Bumaba ang ulo niya sa akin at hinalikan ako sa noo. “Good morning.”

“G-good morning, Angel. “ Nag-iwas ako ng tingin. He used to do this to me when we were still living together. I would always be greeted with the warmest of his kiss. Sa mga oras na iyon, parang walang taon ang nagdaan. It was as if we were back to the time when we were two in love teenagers. I didn’t want him to see that longing in my eyes.

“Therese, come on… paliliguan na kita. P-pasok ka pa.” Mabilis akong umiwas sa hawal niya.

“Mommy, it’s Sunday today!” She said.

I heard a small chuckle from Wayne.

“Just because it’s Sunday it doesn’t mean hindi ka maliligo.” Dahilan ko.

“Daddy and I are playing.” She pouted.

“We can play after you take your bath. Listen to your Mommy.” Wayne picked Therese up in his arms and then averted his gaze at me.

“Okay but you have to promise you won’t leave.” Therese said.

“I will never leave. I’ll be here, waiting for you…” Hindi niya tinanggal ang tingin sa akin. It felt like those words he said were meant for me. I had to look away because I couldn’t stand him looking at me like that.

Inabot sa akin ni Wayne si Therese at sumama naman sa akin ang anak ko. At that moment, I felt like we were a real family. I could see Wayne’s genuine care and affection towards Therese. Ito ang pamilyang pinapangarap namin noon at ang pamilyang hindi ko naibigay sa kanya.

Wayne’s POV

I didn’t know what I was doing. All I knew was that I had missed her. And I wanted to stay as close to her as I could so I wouldn’t miss her as much. I was irresistably drawn to her but I knew we were just fleeing company to each other and sooner or later my time with her would run out.

She was in a relationship with a rich, married man whom she had a daughter with. Kaya kong tanggapin iyon at kaya kong tanggapin si Therese huwag lang siyang mawala ulit sa akin. Therese had been nothing but a sweetheart. She had gotten under my skin at such a short amount of time. I could see in her the daughter we never had together.

I loved being with Therese, not because of Tanya, but because she was simply an adorable little girl. Hearing her call me Daddy Wayne with a cute smile on her face made my dreams feel so real.

“Daddy Wayne, who are these flowers for?” Therese asked.

“For a beautiful woman.” I smiled as I held her tiny hand in mine.

“For Mommy?” She innocently said.

“No, not for Mommy. For another beautiful woman. You’ll meet her later.” I answered.

Tanya’s face shifted into something different I couldn’t identify. When she saw me looking at her, she instantly looked away. I smiled to myself, guiding little Therese to the backseat of my car. I, then, opened the door to the passenger’s side for Tanya. She slipped inside my car without throwing a single gaze at me. I ran to the driver’s seat and went in.

“Saan mo ba kami dadalhin?” There was a tone of irritation in her voice.

“You’ll see.” I answered.

“Kung may iba kang lakad dapat hindi mo na kami sinama ni Therese.”

“Wala naman akong ibang lakad. What made you think that?”

“Eh sino yung sinasabi mong babaeng ipakikilala mo sa anak ko?”

“Are you… are you jealous?” I grinned.

“ME? Jealous? I’m not jealous!” She let out an exasperated exhale. “Wayne, ano’ng gusto mong maging reaksyon ko? Gusto mong matuwa ako dahil ipakikilala mo ang anak ko sa babae mo?”

“Babae ko?” I chuckled. “Wala akong babae, Angel. It’s just you and Therese.”

She swallowed, looking at me confused.

“I just think it’s about time she meets tita Esther. Kung buhay ngayon si tita Esther, matutuwa siya kay Therese.” I smiled nostalgically.

Her eyes softened as she looked at me and then there were thin films of tears laying over her strikingly beautiful dark eyes. She turned her head away from me and looked out of the side window of the car. Tanya remained quiet the whole drive while Therese and I talked.

I pulled over to the side of the road near tita Esther’s grave. We all got out of the car, I held Therese’s hand while she held the bouquet of flowers in one hand. Tanya followed behind us. We stopped and stood in front of her grave. I kept it well-maintained.

“What are we doing here, Daddy Wayne?” She asked.

“We’re here to visit tita Esther, she’s your Mommy’s mother.” I explained.

“Well, where is she?” She looked around.

“She’s in there.” I pointed at the grave and knelt down on the grave. “Her souls in heaven now, sweetheart. Why don’t you give her the flowers?”

Therese put the flower right next to the headstone of the grave. “What is her soul doing in heaven?”

“I’m sure she’s watching over you and your Mommy.” I said and looked up at Tanya who was standing next to us. I took her and pulled her to sit next to us. She wrapped her arms around my waist and buried her face into my chest. My arms encircled around her as she cried and sobbed.

“Why is Mommy crying?” Asked the little girl.

“She just misses her Mom.” I answered and held one hand out to her. I pulled Therese next to us. “Give Mommy a kiss to make her feel better.”

Hinalikan ni Therese si Tanya sa pisngi. Tanya sniffed before looking up at me with swollen eyes from tears. She uttered a thank you to me and pressed a soft kiss on my lips. Her kiss was heady and sweet and warm. It was such a tempting mixture of gentleness and contained passion.

“Ooohhhh…” The little girl’s eyes widened. “You kissed again!”

We both pulled away from the kiss and looked at Therese. There was a slight embarrassment on Tanya’s face but when I laughed at the girl’s reaction, she laughed along too. I pulled Therese in my arms and held the two in an embrace. We stayed for awhile and said a silent prayer for tita Esther.

I took Tanya and Therese to the park afterwards where we had our little picnic together. We played tag and ate the food Tanya prepared for us. Soon, the hyper Therese ran out of energy and fell asleep.

Therese napped on the picnic blanket and Tanya sat next to her daughter, stroking her hair. It was such a perfect day. I couldn’t remember the last time I was this happy and content. I rested my head on her lap and she looked down at me. Every moment seemed perfect when it contained the two of us.

She smiled and raked her fingers through my hair. “Alam kong nasabi ko na ito pero sasabihin ko ulit ito, Thank you, Wayne.”

Her eyes glimmered with bright sparkle.

There was nothing I wouldn’t do for her. Absolutely nothing. And that was what I hated the most.

They say love doesn’t keep record of the wrongs. No matter what she did in the past, my love never left and my heart was still for her. Even if the sun fades, the moon disappears and the world stops, I knew I would still love her. Because it was only in her that I learned how to love. In her, I find me.

“Kiss me.” I whispered.

Her eyes flickered with surprise but then it softened again. She smiled and her head lowered to mine. Her lips grazed mine. I held her face in one hand and my fingers slid through her hair. We kissed as if our existence demanded it. It was like we saved each other from a horrible existence, one without the other.

Loving her was like breathing. Her absence ached like a terribly long exhale and her presence was the sweet relief of a desperate inhale. Every shattered dreams, forgotten promises, every shed of brokeness I felt inside were all erased with one kiss.

I let everything go, the fear, the weight, the hurt…

“I… I went to Japan. Hinanap kita doon, Tanya.” I said a few minutes after we broke away from the kiss.

“Wayne…” Her voice cracked.

“Ilang beses akong nagpabalik-balik sa Japan para hanapin ka. Kung saan-saan parte ng Japan ako nagpunta. Kung kani-kanino ako nagtanong. I desperately wanted you back. I needed you… I was nothing but an empty shell of what we were before…”

“I’m sorry… I never meant to hurt you… N-natakot ako.” Tears began to sear from her eyes.

“Natatakot ka kaya ka umalis? You decided for the both of us? Ni hindi mo man lang ako kinausap, bigla ka na lang umalis.” I said with a soft growl, forcing the lump forming in my throat down. My anger surfaced through the pain.

“I was confused…”

“With what? Hindi pa ba malinaw sa’yo noon kung gaano kita kamahal? I would’ve given you the world.”

“Natakot ako na baka dumating yung panahon na mawala ka din sa akin… Kasi sa’yo na umikot ang mundo ko. Ikaw na lang meron ako. Kapag nawala ka pa, natakot ako na baka wala na rin matira sa akin kahit ang sarili ko… I was losing myself in you. Iniwan kita dahil kailangan kong hanapin ang sarili ko.”

“Sino’ng may sabing mawawala ako?” Tears stung my eyes. “I… I waited for you… even when I knew you weren’t coming back. Huwag mo na akong iiwan, Tanya. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko kapag nawala ka ulit sa akin.”

Tears began to spill from my eyes. I held unto her like a lost boy who had found his way home. She was my home. I didn’t know where we were heading from here all I knew was that I belong to her. No matter what life holds for me it could never change the fact that my happiness was in her keeping.

Chapter Thirty Seven

Tanya’s POV

I could feel his pain because I felt the same pain too when I left him. Masakit din sa akin yung desisyon ko na lumayo sa kanya. Ten years kong dinala ang sakit na iyon. The difference between him and I was that I chose to leave him. Hindi niya piniling iwan ko siya.

Hindi ko naman sinasadyang masaktan siya. To hurt him was the last thing that I wanted. Akala ko noong mga panahon na iyon ginagawa ko yung tama para sa sarili ko at higit sa lahat, para sa kanya. I didn’t mean to hurt him.

I hugged him even tighter as if to fill all the times I wasn’t by his side. I believed what people around us said. That I did not deserve him. I did not deserve his love…

We were two young and broken people. We were so dependent on each other because of our pain and it was hard to break the tie. We were growing into each other that it was nearly impossible to untangle ourselves from each other. I wasn’t my own person anymore. I was Wayne’s. Natakot akong dumating ang araw na pati siya ay maniwala sa sinasabi ng ibang tao. Na dumating yung panahon na iwan niya na ako. I couldn’t distinguish myself from him anymore. I would be nothing without him. Hindi ko na makikilala ang sarili ko kapag nawala siya sa akin.

It was then that I realized that two broken people doesn’t make a whole. He loved me so much that he took every burden I carried and made it his own. I couldn’t let him love me for the both os us. It wasn’t right… I wanted to love him for all the right reasons. Not just because I needed him. I wanted to be deserving of him and of his love. I wanted to be whole on my own.

Mahal ko si Wayne. Hindi nawala ang pagmamahal na iyon kahit mataggal na panahon na ang lumipas. He did not deserve what I had done to him. Ten years after and I still was not worthy of his love.

Gumalaw siya, his arm pulled me in closer. He had me in his left arm while Therese slept in his right arm. Pushing my face closer to his neck, I kissed his jaw.

“Tell me you never meant to leave me. That everything was just a mistake. Hindi mo naman ako gustong iwan, di ba? You said you loved me… please don’t tell me those were all lies. Say it. Just say it and I’ll believe you. Paniniwalaan ko lahat ng sasabihin mo. Sa’yo lang ako maniniwala.” He was in a desperate need of reassurance.

“Those weren’t lies. Minahal kita noon at walang nagbago doon.” I nuzzled my face into against his skin and closed my eyes. There was nothing better than having the two people I love most in this world next to me.

Para kaming totoong pamilya. Wayne moved in with us while we worked on the business we had together. It started with him spending the night or two in our house. Hanggang sa nagdadala nagsimula na siyang magdala ng mga damit dito. Before I knew it, he was living with us. He slept in my bed and made love to me every night. Therese was very attached to him and I could see how much he loved my daughter.

Hindi magandang nakikita ng anak ko na may nakakasama akong lalaki sa isang kwarto at nakakatabi sa pagtulog. Someday she’d understand that we weren’t simply having ‘sleep-overs’ and Wayne wasn’t simply my friend. Pero sa ngayon, hindi ko magawang itulak palayo sa akin si Wayne. Ayaw ko na malayo siya sa akin.

“Angel…” Nagulat ako ng yumakap siya sa akin mula sa likod. I turned my head to Wayne who now had his chin resting on my shoulder.

Hinalikan ko siya sa gilid ng noo niya. “Pahinga ka muna. Kanina ka pa trabaho ng trabaho.”

“I have to make sure everything’s perfect.” He kissed my shoulder. “Ano’ng oras na pala? We still have to pick Therese up from school. Kumain na lang tayo sa labas bago umuwi.”

I smiled and nodded my head.

We headed straight to Therese’s school after finishing our work. Nakapili na kami ng location para sa itatayong bar-lounge at iyon ang pinagkakaabalahan namin ngayon. Wayne was the owner of the largest, well-known chains of party nightclubs in the Philippines. He was good with what he was doing at hindi na ako nagtataka kung bakit lumago ng ganito ang negosyo niya.

“Mommy, Daddy Wayne!” Therese ran towards us when she saw us. Yumakap siya sa amin dalawa at binuhat siya ni Wayne.

“Mommy didn’t make any dinner tonight so we’re going to eat out. What do you want for dinner?” Wayne gently asked.

“Umm…” Therese thought. “I want some pizza and some ice cream!”

“Pizza and ice cream it is then.” Wayne smiled.

Pumunta kami sa isang pizza restaurant kung saan napili kumain ng dalawa.

“Why do you always call Mommy Angel?” Therese said, chewing on her pizza.

Wayne looked at Therese and smiled. “When I met your Mommy that’s when I started believing in angels. How can someone not believe in such beautiful beings when a sample of their kind is right in front of you?”

His eyes averted to me. Napakagat ako sa pang-ibabang labi ko at sinubukan kong pigilin ang kilig ko. Oh Wayne and his words…

“Ikaw talaga. Kumain ka na nga.” Naiiling na sabi ko. He gave me a wink and turned his attention back to Therese.

“Mommy, can Daddy Wayne and I play first. I want to play in the arcade!” She muttered.

“Kakain na tayo, Therese.” Sabi ko.

“The arcade is just right across. Maglalaro muna kami habang naghihintay ng orders natin.”

“Please, Mommy?” She pouted.

“Fine. Pero sandali lang kayo ha?” I sighed.

“Yay! Let’s go, Daddy!” She hopped out of the booth and tugged Wayne’s hand. Tumakbo sila papunta sa arcade

“Seeing them together, the two of them, always makes me feel warm inside. Hindi niya tinratong iba si Therese. He treated her like a real daughter. Hindi ko na naman maiwasan maisip kung paano nga kung anak talaga namin si Therese at natupad namin ang pamilyang pinapangarap namin noon. Muli akong napabuntong-hininga. There was no room for regrets. Kahit maglumpasay ako hindi ko na maibabalik ang panahon.

All I could do now was to make the best of what we had.

Sa sampung taon na magkahiwalay kami ni Wayne, no one and nothing had even come close to the way he makes me feel. I knew no one ever would.

“Tanya?” I was sucked out of my thoughts when I heard a man’s voice call my name.

“LUIS?!” Napatayo ako mula sa kinauupuan ko.

He smile but his eyes were sad. “Hi.”

I didn’t know how to react, seeing him again after a lot of years. Libing ni Nanay noong huling beses ko siyang nakita.

“Hindi ko akalain na magkikita pa tayo. Kumusta ka na?” Tanong niya sa akin.

I swallowed. “Okay naman. Ikaw?”

“Ito.” He shrugged. “Hanggang ngayon sumasagi pa rin sa isip ko si tita Esther at ang kasalanan ko sa inyo. Sinisisi ko pa rin ang sarili ko. Hindi ko naman sinasadyang humantong sa ganun…”

“Matagal na ’yun.” Sabi ko.

“Sana mapatawad mo ako sa kasalanan ko sa’yo at kay tita Esther.”

“Napatawad ka na ni Nanay bago siya mawala…” My eyes lowered. “Sino ba rin naman ako para hindi magpatawad?”

“Ano’ng ginagawa mo dito?” Nagulat ako ng biglang hapitin ni Wayne ang baywang ko. My head turned to him and he protectively pulled me to his side. “Get away from Tanya.”

“It’s okay, Wayne.” Marahang sabi ko.

“Daddy Wayne, why are you mad?” Takang-tanong ni Therese habang karga siya ni Wayne sa isang braso niya. Therese sweetly wrapped her arms around him and kissed him on the cheek.

“Pasensya na. Hindi ako nanggugulo. Nakita ko lang siya at lumapit ako sa kanya para kumustahin siya.”

“Tanya, ikaw ba yan?” Nagulat ako ng makita ko si Edna na palapit sa amin.

“Edna!”

“Tanya!” Patakbong lumapit siya sa akin at niyakap ako. “Grabe! Ang tagal natin hindi nagkita.”

“Kumusta ka na?” Tanong ko sa kanya ng maghiwalay kami.

“Okay na okay. Apat na taon na kaming kasal ni Luis.” Tumabi siya sa lalaki at ikinawit ang mga bisig niya sa braso nito. “May baby na kami. Iniwan muna namin sa Mama ko ngayon makapagdate naman kami.”

“I’m so happy for the both of you.” I smiled as I looked at them. “Si Wayne nga pala at ito naman si Therese… a-anak namin.”

I looked at Wayne and something glimmered in his eyes when I said Therese was our daughter. A hint of smile broke on his lips.

Tumingin si Edna sa tabi ko kung nasaan si Wayne at Therese. “Hi, Wayne! Nice to see you again. Ang ganda-ganda naman ng baby niyo. Kamukha ni Tanya!”

“Hello!” Therese charmingly waved at her.

“Hi, baby. Ako si tita Edna. Best friend ako ng Mommy mo noong college pa kami.” She pinched my daughter’s cheek.

“How come I’ve never seen you before?” She asked quizically.

“Kasi wala ka pa nun. Your Mommy was really young, magboyfriend pa lang sila ng Daddy mo.” Edna explained.

I invited the two of them over to our table at hindi naman tumanggi si Edna. I had lost contact with her when I went to Japan at ngayon na lang ulit kami nagkita. Kinamusta namin ang buhay ng isa’t-isa. At first, ilang pa si Luis and Wayne didn’t hide his annoyance towards him but It didn’t take awhile for all of us warm up to each other again. Isa nang journalist si Edna at si Luis naman ay isa nang IT manager sa pinagtatrabahuhan niya. May two year old na silang anak na lalaki at mukha naman masaya sila sa isa’t isa. Kahit hindi sabihin sa akin noon ni Edna, ramdam ko naman na may gusto na siya kay Luis noon. Oo, may mga maling nagawa si Luis noon pero hindi ibig sabihin nun masama siyang tao. Nabulag lang siya sa nararamdaman niya.

“O, paano ba yan? Kailangan na namin umuwi. Hinihintay na kami ng anak namin.” Paalam ni Edna. “Basta ha, magtawagan tayo. Labas ulit tayo minsan, sasama ko na ang baby namin.”

“Oo naman.” Sabi ko at niyakap siya. “I missed you, Edna.”

“Ikaw din, na miss kita, friendship.” She hugged me back and after awhile, we broke away from the hug. Itinuon niya naman ang atensyon niya kay Therese na nakasiksik sa tabi ni Wayne. “Nako! Daddy’s girl talaga yan anak niyo. Hindi nahiwalay sa ama. Bye na, baby Therese!”

“Bye, tita Edna!” She smiled as she chewed on the chocolate chip cookie in her hand.

“Dadalin ko ang baby ko minsan para may kalaro ka.” She told the little girl.

“Bye Tanya, bye Wayne.” Paalam naman ni Luis. Wayne just answered him with a nod without breaking a single smile on his face.

“Bye. Mag-ingat kayo sa pag-uwi.” Paalala ko.

“You were Mommy’s boyfriend before I was even born?” Tanong ni Therese kay Wayne nang makauwi na kami. Therese was a very smart kid. Hindi nakakalagpas sa kanya ang mga simpleng bagay na hindi naman dapat maintindihan pa ng mga batang ka-edad niya.

“Yeah.” Wayne answered. “We were very young at that time.”

“How did you meet Mommy?” She asked.

“Well… it’s hard to explain.”

“I’ll try to understand.” Sagot nito.

“Hmm, okay. Your Mommy and I met through a book.”

Siniko ko siya sa sinabi niya. “Wayne!”

“What?” He tried to sound innocent but his chuckle gave him away. “Your Mommy loved reading books. We met in a bookstore.”

He looked at me with a grin and I rolled my eyes at him.

“I fell in love with her the moment I saw her. She was wearing a red dress and she was so beautiful. The most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen in my whole life.” He averted his eyes from Therese to me. I could feel the sincerity of his words. He might have made up the story of how we met but he said he felt at that time sounded so genuine.

“And you fell in love with Daddy, too?” Therese asked.

I smiled and nodded my head.

“He was my first love.” The first and only.

Wayne’s eyes softened as he looked at me. He pulled me to him and kissed me on the forehead and I wrapped my arms around his torso.

“But what about Papa George?” Tanong ni Therese. “Love mo din siya, right?”

“Of course… he has a special place in my heart too.” I answered.

“Come on, munchkin. Time for bed.” Aya ni Wayne sa bata. We took her to her bedroom, tucked her in and said our goodnights. Pagkatapos ay nagtungo na kami sa kwarto namin.

---

Sorry for stalling for over a month. I got distracted with other things. I hope you understand.

Chapter Thirty Eight

Wayne’s POV

“Wayne…” Tanya’s soft voice called my name. She rested her head on my chest and wrapped her arms around me. She pressed a kiss on my jaw. “Hindi ko akalain magkikita kami nina Edna at Luis. Sila rin pala ang magkakatuluyan.”

I didn’t say a word or even move a muscle. Why didn’t we end up like them? Instead here we were, in a complicated and frustrating relationship. I didn’t even know what to call this? What was I supposed to be? The lover of a mistress?

“Wayne, nakikinig ka ba sa akin?” She lifted her head up and leveled her head to mine.

“Yeah…” I answered quietly.

“Bakit ba ang tahimik mo ngayon? May problema ba?” A hint of worry crossed her face.

“Nothing. I’m just tired.” I exhaled.

It hurt having to hear her say that she loved that old man. It broke my heart into pieces, it shattered every illusion I had of our happy family. I was just here to fill George’s place until he comes back. Tanya and Therese weren’t mine and that was what hurts the most.

“Sabi naman kasi sa’yo huwag kang masyadong magpapakapagod.” She nuzzled her face into my neck. “Gusto mo bang i-massage kita?”

“No, I’m fine.”

“Wayne, something’s bothering you. Nararamdaman ko. Dahil ba iyon kay Luis? Matagal na ’yun. Napatawad na siya ni Nanay at napatawad ko na din siya. He has grown now at may pamilya na sila ni Edna. Isa pa, napagbayaran niya na ang kasalanan niya.”

“It’s not him.” It was that old man!

“Then what’s bothering you? Sabihin mo sa akin para hindi na ako nanghuhula.” Her fingers gently played over my chest.

“Nothing. You better get some sleep. We’ve had a long day at maaga pa ang pasok ni Therese bukas.” I reminded her before kissing her on the lips.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” She asked again.

“Yeah.”

“Good night, Wayne. I love you.” She muttered before drifting to sleep.

“I love you too, Angel.” I whispered.

All the fear and vulnerability that engulfed me earlier was back as I stared at the ceiling. She said she loved George and that he had a special place in her heart. It played in my mind over and over again, those words mocked me. I had her in my arms now but at any moment, I felt like she could be snatched away from me. I still love Tanya as I did the first time I’d felt it. I love her even though I wasn’t supposed to. And if she let me, I’d fight for her and Therese.

I was perfectly aware of the wounds and bruises I was about to get, the risk, the possible heartbreak at the end of all these. I guess fear wasn’t enough for me to stop because I was still here. I’d always be here for her. They say you have to love yourself first before loving anyone. I call that bullshit because I only truly learned to love myself the moment I loved her I only love myself when I’m with her. For this feeling I’d risk anything, everything…

The Buddhists say it isn’t love until she calms your soul. She always takes me into her ocean of tranquility. Everytime I’m with her my world shrinks down to just the two of us to the degree that I couldn’t find it in me to care about the rest of it is any more.When we’re together I feel a tingle along my spine that tells me that any moment now I’d be complete. She made me feel whole like no other. She brings the soul in me, the love in me.

I knew, sooner or later, George would come back and take back his place but until then I wanted to stay in this blissful oblivion.

I let Tanya design the interior of the lounge bar. She spoke with the interior designer we hired and showed the sketch to me. Her style was very different from mine. Mine was dark and edgy and hers were soft and very chic. I liked it as the style was different from all the bar lounge I owned.

“Nagustuhan mo ba yung designs na pinili ko?” Tanya asked.

“Of course. They’re perfect.” I said.

“Wayne.” She cupped my face with one hand. “Are you sure you’re okay? Kagabi ka pa walang kibo.” Her eyes lowered to the glass of scotch I was holding. She took it from me and placed it down on top of the counter I was leaning against.

“I already told you, I’m okay.” I assured her, taking her hand in mine and bringing it to my lips.

“Eh bakit kasi ang tahimik mo?”

“Because I had nothing to say.” I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her closer to me. I lowered my head and drew my lips near her ear. “But now I do. You’re beautiful.”

“Yan ka na naman! Napakabolero.” She looked up at me, smiling.

I smiled and kissed her on her forehead, to the tip of her nose and then my lips pressed against hers. She kissed me back. Her taste and the perfect fit of her in my arms made something coiled inside me. I wanted the world to disappear to only the two of us. After a second or two, she pulled away.

“Wayne, baka may makakita sa atin.” She said, looking around. The designers and the planners were just a few feet away from us.

“Ano naman kung makita nila tayo?” My brows furrowed. “Kinahihiya mo ba ako?”

“Wayne, it’s not that…” She gently said. “I just don’t want them to think…”

“To think what? Na may relasyon tayo?” I said in a low growl.

“Wayne, hindi iyon.” She shook her head.

I turned and walked away. I tried to bottle up what I felt when she said that thing about George last night but my insecurity was eating me up. I couldn’t fuckin hide it even if I tried. I felt the bottle that I had kept my emotions in crack and I knew that any wrong thing she says could cause me to explode.

“Wayne…” She followed behind me until we were out in the parking lot. She caught up on me, wrapping her arms around one of mine. “Wayne, ano bang nangyayari sa’yo?”

“Nothing.” We stopped in front of my car and I turned to face her. “I’m sorry, Angel. I guess I’m just having a hard day.”

She cupped my face in her two soft palms and looked me in the eye. “Hindi totoo ang iniisip mo. Hindi kita kinahihiya, Wayne. Huwag ka naman magalit sa akin.” She leaned over, drawing her lips close to mine. Her lips lightly grazed mine. “Mahal na mahal kita.”

“I love you too, Angel. I love you beyond sense.” I found myself answering her kiss with a more passionate one. We kissed for several minutes, drinking from her mouth and taking something from her that would help me soothe the pain. Then we pulled away.

“Hindi ka na galit?” She looked at me with those doe-like eyes that makes me melt into a puddle.

“I’m not mad at you.” I gently said. I was just scared and insecure. I was scared of losing her again. If I had to steal or borrow time to be with her then I fucking would. I refused to believe that she wouldn’t mine. She used to mine and she would always be mine.

“What do you want to name your new pets?” I asked Therese. After Tanya and I picked her up from her school, we decided to take her to a pet shop. Tanya wouldn’t let her have a pet dog yet so I decided to just get her a pair goldfish. She was ecstatic, nonetheless. We bought a tank for the fish and a few decorations she picked herself.

“I don’t know. What do you think, Daddy?” Therese looked at me.

“We can name the red one Clifford.” I smiled.

“Yeah! I like that name!” She beamed. “What about the other one?”

“Let’s ask, Mommy.” I turned my head to Tanya. She was sitting on the couch, just watching us. “What do you want to name the other goldfish, Angel?”

She stood up and walked towards us. Umupo siya sa sahig sa tabi namin. The small aquarium was placed on top of the coffee table. She drew her head closed to the aquarium. “Yung white?”

“Yup.” Therese nodded her head.

“Snow White.” She said.

“Okay, the red one is Clifford and the white one is Snow White.” Therese tapped on the glass, pointing at the two goldfish. Then she turned to me and hugged me. “Thanks, Daddy Wayne. You’re the best!”

“Anything for our little princess.” I kissed her on the forehead.

“Bakit ang Daddy Wayne mo lang ang may hug? Kasama naman ako nung binili niyo yan, saka di niyo naman mabibili yan kung hindi ako pumayag.” Tanya crossed her arms over her chest, kunwaring nagtatampo.

“You made Mommy upset.” I said, playing along.

A hint of worry flashed across Therese’s innocent face. She wrapped her arms around Tanya and hugged her. “You too, Mommy. You and Daddy Wayne are the bestest!”

“Mas love mo yata ang Daddy Wayne mo kaysa sa akin.” Tanya pouted.

“I love the two of you just the same.” She said, hugging the two of us in each her tiny arms. Tanya and I both chuckled at the little girl’s cuteness.

I cupped Tanya’s chin and drew her head closer to mine, pressing a soft kiss on her voluptuous lips.

“Daddy Wayne and Mommy sitting on a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” She sang. Our head both turned to Therese and we laughed. Life couldn’t get any better with these two women in my life. With the two of them, I was at my best. They gave me what I didn’t have in my life, what I wanted most, peace and purity. Some search for their who life for what I had with them. I couldn’t see myself creating a life with anyone other than these two.

The phone rang and Tanya stood up to pick up the phone. Therese and I ogled at the aquarium, watching her pets swim around.

I suddenly stiffened when I heard Tanya say George’s name. I pretend to be busy with Therese but my eyes were to Tanya.

“We’re okay. Don’t worry… Yes, Therese is here. Do you want to talk to her?” She asked before going back to our place.

“Therese, Papa George wants to talk to you.” Sabi ni Tanya sa bata.

Therese’s eyes glowed and she immediately took the phone from Tanya. “Papa George! I miss you so much!”

My jaw clenched. White, hot jealousy took over my whole body. I took in a deep breath as I felt my chest heave up and down at the attempt to cover it up.

“You have to come see my new pets, we named them Snow White and Clifford… Yeah, they swim alot… When are you going to come back? … I just have to wait three more days?! “ She excitedly said. “Okay! I’ll wait for you, Papa. I love you.”

After talking to George, Therese handed the phone back to Tanya and I heard Tanya say bye to him. She reminded the old man to take his medicine and to always take care. It was like a fucking blow to my chest hearing their conversations. It felt like my heart was being squeezed out of my chest.

“Papa George said I’d have to wait three more days and then he’ll be here when I wake up.” Therese told me.

I took in another deep breath to calm my raging nerves. Tanya placed the phone down to its receiver and looked at me with worry in her beautiful face.

“Wayne… can we talk? Privately?” She chewed on her bottom lip.

I could feel the tension in the air and the tight clenching anxiety in my stomach made it worse. It was as if their was an invisible weight pressing against my chest.

“Your Mommy and I just needs to talk.” I tried to keep myself composed as I stood from where I was sitting.

Tanya turned her back and headed to the bedroom. I followed her.

“Is it about George?” I said in a low growl.

She slowly nodded. “Wayne, sana maintindihan mo. You need to move out. Malapit ng dumating si George.”

“Of course, I understand… I’m only supposed to be here when you need me.” I sarcastically snickered.

“Wayne naman. Hindi sa ganun.” She wrapped her arms around me and buried her face into my chest. “He can’t see you here. Hindi niya pwedeng malaman na dito na nagsasama na tayo. He doesn’t even know about us. Intindihin mo sana ang sitwasyon ko.” 

“Oh, I understand, alright! I fucking understand! Ako naman palagi ang kailangan umintindi!” I pried her arms off me. I took steps back from her. “You know what? I’m tired of all these… My life has been reduced to when you want me and when you don’t. I can’t put up with this anymore. I can’t keep doing this to myself.”

“Wayne…” Her eyes began to water. I wanted to pull her into a hug but stopped myself from doing so. 

Awang-awa na ako sa sarili ko. Para akong asong naghihintay sa buto-buto. I had decided I was done. From this day forward, she’d just be a memory. A beautiful one. I decided I would let her go. She gave up on me first but this time I wasn’t going to let her give up on me again, this time I’d be the one to give her up.

Chapter Thirty Nine

Wayne’s POV

“Wayne, mag-usap muna tayo. Pag-usapan natin ’to.” Her voice quivered with tears as she clutched onto my arm. “Please, Wayne…”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” I harshly pulled my arm away from her. I tried to keep a stoic front, trying to cover up the hurt and anger that wanted to explode.

“Pansamantala lang ito. Huwag mo naman gawin sa akin ito.” She begged.

That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. My head snapped to her direction. “Don’t you fucking dare tell me na huwag kong gawin sa’yo ito. Wala kang karapatan dahil ginawa mo din sa akin ito! You left me without even a proper goodbye.”

“I— I’m sorry. Alam mong mabigat din sa loob kong iwan ka noon.” Tears began to roll down her cheeks.

“Mabigat din sa akin itong gagawin ko but I can’t do this anymore, Tanya… I’m fucking tired…”

“Mahal kita, Wayne. Mahal na mahal kita.”

“No, do not tell me that! Everytime you tell me that I believe you and you still fucking left me like I was nothing. I don’t even know how you can say that to me. If this is what you call love then I don’t want it! I’m tired of waiting around for your head and heart to make an agreement. It shouldn’t be this hard, Tanya.”

“Wayne…” She sobbed.

I turned my back and marched to the door.

“Daddy Wayne.” Therese ran up to me when i got out of the room. She took my hand and tried to pull me but I stood still. “Let’s feed Snow White and Clifford.”

“Hey.” My voice croaked, bending one knee to level with the little girl. “I’m sorry, munchkin. I need to go.”

“Where are you going?” Her forehead crumpled. “Can I come with you?”

“No, you can’t. I’m not going to live here anymore. I’m going back to my house.” I sighed, trying to ease the heaviness in my chest.

“You’re not going to come back?”

I shook my head. “ But I’ll visit every now and then. I’d still take you out if your Mommy will let me. I promise.“

“But why?” The little girl pouted and her eyes began to water.

“I can’t explain it to you now, munchkin. Please, don’t cry.” I gently wiped away the tears that formed in the corners of her eyes.

“Daddy, please don’t go…” Her voice shook.

I tightly shut my eyes and took in a deep inhale. “Promise me you’d take care of yourself, your Mommy and your pets. I have to go.”

I gave her a kiss on the forehead before I stood up. I had only taken one step when she grabbed me by the wrist. “Daddy Wayne, don’t go. Don’t leave me…”

“I’m sorry, munchkin.” I could feel the lump forming in my throat when she begged and cried for me. She refused to let go of me. I tried to pry her hands away from me but when I finally did, she wrapped her arms around my waist.

“Therese, I can’t stay here. I’m sorry…” I said trying to pull her away from me but each time she just hugs me tighter.

“Therese…” Tanya finally walked up to us, her eyes swollen and red with tears. She pulled Therese away from me and held her. Our gaze met each other for a moment, her eyes were bared to me showing pain. Tears began to film her eyes again and that was when she looked down, breaking the gaze.

“I don’t want Daddy Wayne to go.” Therese was now crying and sobbing, her words almost incoherent.

I turned to the door and made my exit. My hands balled into fists, trying to keep my emotions in. I left what we had for the sake of my heart. My heart had been beaten to a pulp that I started to feel numb, hollow. I didn’t know if it could take another blow. The longer I stayed, the more pain I had to endure when it came to the end.

I ran out of energy to keep fighting for something that might not be enough to hold on to. I fought until there was not enough strength that I could keep to heal myself. I fought so hard for a love that wasn’t meant to survive. Even when I knew this would never survive, that our version of love wasn’t the right one, I still fought for it and I held on to it. I still had the hope that someday that our love would mold itself into the kind that would survive. But dear Lord, was I wrong.

My borrowed time was up.

Tanya’s POV

Iyak ng iyak si Therese at pilit na humahabol kay Wayne pero pinipigilan ko siya. Kahit ako mismo, gusto ko rin humabo sa kanya. Gusto kong magmakaawa na huwag niya akong iwan. But he looked determined to leave and it would be unfair for him.

Wala akong karapatan hilingin iyon dahil iniwan ko rin siya noon. Alam kong nasaktan ko siya pero kahit anong gawin ko hindi ko na maitatama ang pagkakamali ko noon. I just wanted to be with him and have the happy family we dreamt of having. When he moved in with us, pakiramdam ko natupad ang pamilyang pinapangarap namin. We were living our dream. Ngayon ang araw na nagising kami sa magandang panaginip na iyon.

Konting panahon lang naman ang hinihiling ko sa kanya. Ayaw ko naman na maabutan na lang ni George na may lalaking nakatira dito kasama namin. Gusto ko munang maayos na maipaliwanag kay George pero hindi na mangyayari iyon dahil iniwan niya na ako.

“Shh, tama na.” I pulled Therese into a hug as I tried not to cry myself.

“I want my Daddy Wayne.” Humihikbing sabi niya.

“Alam ko na, tomorrow we’ll go see a movie—”

“No! I want my Daddy Wayne!” Patuloy pa rin ito sa pag-iyak.

Therese eventually got tired of crying and fell asleep. I carried her to my bedroom and laid her down the bed. I didn’t want to be alone in this room with the scent and memories of Wayne lingering around me. Naiwan pa rin sa unan ang amoy niya. Niyakap ko ang unan niya at doon ko ibinuhos ang mga luha ko habang mahimbing na natutulog si Therese sa tabi ko. I lost him for the second time and I had no one to blame but me. I felt like I was sucked back into a dark whole where I had been for years when I left Wayne.

Hinahanap pa rin ni Therese si Wayne. The whole house was filled with sorrow, with Wayne’s heavy absence. His absence was a hole in my heart I could never fill. It hurt even worse dahil naaapektuhan din si Therese. Madalas nakaupo lang si Therese sa tabi ng aquarium na binili para sa kanya ni Wayne at nakatitig sa dalawang goldfish na nandoon. Naging matamlay at tahimik ang bata.

I tried calling him a few times but he never answers my calls. Nagpunta ako sa opisina niya pero palagi siyang wala. I hadn’t stopped missing him since he left. Napagod na siguro siya. Sino ba naman hindi mapapagod?

I should’ve fought for him then, hindi ko dapat siya iniwan noon. He loved me and I gave him nothing but pain. if there was anything that he deserved more in this world, it was the type of love that couldn’t be questioned or destroyed. I had destroyed that love long ago.

“Tanya, darling.” Niyakap ako ni George ng salubungin namin siya ni Therese sa pinto ng bahay. George picked Therese up and carried her in his arm. “I’m so glad to finally see my two girls again.”

“I missed you, Papa.” She rested her head on his shoulder.

“I missed you, too. You and your Mommy.” George held an arm out to me and he pulled me into an embrace.

“Let’s go in. Para naman makapagpahinga ka na, alam kong pagod ka sa biyahe. I prepared food for you, kung gusto mong kumain.” I said.

“Thank God. I’d been running on airline food all day, it’s nice to come home to a good old homecooked meal.”

We went in and had our dinner. Pagkatapos kumain ay hinatak ni Therese si George papunta sa aquarium at ipinakita ang pets niya.

“This is Snow White and this is Clifford.” She introduced her pets to George. “Daddy Wayne bought them for me.”

“Daddy Wayne?” George’s brows furrowed and then he turned his head to me. He looked as if he was waiting for me to say something. Nawala naman ang ngiti sa labi ni Therese ng muli niyang mabanggit si Wayne.

“Yeah, Daddy Wayne. You know him. You’ve met him.”

“Of course, darling. I know who he is.” George smiled at the little girl.

I wanted to speak but no words came out. Ayaw ko rin naman na mapag-usapan namin ito sa harap ni Therese. The two talked for awhile, catching up on each other. Pagkatapos ay dinala ko na si Therese sa kwarto niya para makatulog na ang bata.

“Therese is really fond of Mr. St. Croix.” Sabi ni George ng maiwan kaming dalawa. Wala kasing bukang-bibig si Therese kung hindi si Wayne.

“Naging malapit si Therese kay Wayne habang wala ka.”


“The kid loves him.” George smiled and then sighed. “I’ve always known he’s a good man. I know I’m not always around for Therese and she’s longing for a father figure.” 

“Don’t think about it too much. We understand…”

“You may understand but the little girl doesn’t.” He sighed.

“George… Please, don’t stress yourself out. It’s not good for you.”

“I know my shortcomings as a father, Tanya. You don’t have to cover it up.”

“You’re a great father. You may not be there for us all the time but you never fail to show us how much you love us.”

“Oh, Tanya. You are such a sweetheart. I love you and Therese with my life.” He took my hand and kissed the back of it. 

Gumapang ang kamay ko at hinaplos ang pisngi niya. I carressed his tired face. “We know that, George. Why don’t you get some sleep? Mukhang pagod na pagod ka.”

“I will.” He said. “By the way, how is it working with Mr. St Croix?”

“It’s… it’s okay…” My eyes lowered to my feet.

“Just okay?”

“He’s great. Wayne’s really good with what he’s doing. He’s really passionate about it. Marami akong natutunan sa kanya.” I swallowed passed the lump forming in my throat.

“That young man, he’s set to become a great businessman. I can feel it. How’s the new project you’re working on together?”

“It’s doing good. We’ve already chosen a location for the bar lounge and we’re now working on the interior.”

“Great! I’ve spoken to him yesterday and requested a meeting with him. Tomorrow you’re going to come with me and we’re going to meet him.” George said.

“O— okay…” I quietly said.

What George said made my heart skip a beat. I was finally going to see him again. It had only been three days since we parted but for me it felt like eternity. God knew how badly I wanted to see him, to hear his voice again, to feel his touch. I’d been missing him so bad.

My heart pounded against my chest against my chest as we walked into an elegant restaurant. My eyes instinctively searched for him and I quickly found him. Nakaupo siyang mag-isa at nakatingin sa amin. The receptionist guided us to the table.

Nag-tama ang tingin namin. I couldn’t hide the smile on my face the same time I felt the tears well the corners of my eyes. But then I noticed something different. The light I used to see in his eyes everytime he looks at me was gone now. All I saw was a look of disdain. 

My smile disappeared.

He stood up from his seat and shook hands with George.

“Welcome back, Mr. Sullivan.” 

“Thank you, Wayne. I’m glad to see you again.”

Wayne went back to his seat. George pulled a chair for me, right across where Wayne was sitting, and then he sat next to me. Even though we were just right across from each other, he never threw a single glance at me. He never even acknowledged my existence, not unless he had to. Tipid pa siya sa salita kapag ako ang kinakausap niya.

“Mr. St. Croix, thank you for keeping your promise to take care of my two girls.” George looked at me and smiled. I smiled back at him. “I’ve heard so many good things about. You’re all what my Therese talks about.”

“I miss that little girl.” Wayne said.

“You’re welcome in our home whenever you wish to visit.” Said George. “I hope you’re getting along with Tanya, too.”

He just answered with a slight smile and changed the topic to business.

It hurt. Ako ang nagkamali pero masakit pa rin. He used to treat me like I was the world, now I felt like a piece of trash on the ground. I tried my best to keep my composure. I kept my emotions in place.

They talked about business and I just sat there, not making a single sound. Pinakikinggan ko lang ang pinag-uusapan nila habang kumakain kami. Then it was time to go. Nagpaalam na sa amin si Wayne at parang gusto kong maiyak. George decided we were going to leave too but he just needed to go to the restroom. 

Habang wala si George ay doon ako humabol kay Wayne. I followed him to the parking lot. Niyakap ko siya mula sa likod at isinubsob ang ulo ko sa balikat niya.

“Wayne, I missed you…” Hindi ko na napigilan ang mapahagulgol. 

“Get your hands off me.” Madiin na sabi niya at pilit tinanggal ang mga braso kong nakapulupot sa kanya. 

“Wayne, ayaw kong matapos tayo ng ganito. Mahal na mahal kita.”

“Well how do you fucking want this to end?” His eyes were burning with fury as he looked at me. “Gusto mong ikaw ulit ang mang-iwan? Fine. Okay… End it now!”

“No…” I shook my head.

“Come on! Fucking end it now! Para matapos na ’tong kagaguhan na ’to.”

“Ayaw ko…” Humihikbing sabi ko.

“You don’t want to? Then I fucking will. It’s over. Goodbye, Tanya.” His eyes were cold and hard. “Pagod na pagod na ako.”

“Wayne… no…” 

Lumakad siya paurong sa akin bago tumalikod at natungo sa sasakyan niya. All I could do was stand there and cry as I watched him go.

Chapter Forty

TANYA’S POV

“Mommy…” I huriedly wiped my tears away when I heard Therese calling me. I couldn’t help but cry as I pack away some of the things he left. Nagmamadali kasi siyang umalis at marami pa siyang naiwan na gamit. Ang ibang mga damit niya, ang pabangon niya, lahat ng bagay na magpapaalala sa kanya. “Mommy, what are you doing with Daddy Wayne’s things?”

I swallowed back my tears and tried to compose myself. “I—I need to give his things back to him.”

“Why? Isn’t he going to come back?” Therese pouted.

“Hindi na babalik dito si Wayne. He has his own home. Tumira lang siya dito panandali to help us adjust in our new home.” I explained.

“But he promised… he promised he’d make make me a treehouse. He’s not done with it yet.”

“Huwag kang mag-alala, sa iba na lang natin ipatatapos ang treehouse mo.”

“NO! I don’t want anyone else to finish the treehouse! I only want Daddy Wayne!” She folded her arms over her chest and her eyes began to water with tears

“Therese…” Sinubukan ko siyang hawakan pero mabilis siyang umiwas sa akin.

“Can’t you make him go back?” She began to cry and sob.

Tears stung my eyes too as I shook my head. Sana nga ganun kadali lang iyon. God knew how bad I wanted to be with him. I had never loved another man like I loved him. Ilang taon akong nangulila sa kanya ngunit sa pangalawang pagkakataon ay nawala ulit siya sa akin.

I couldn’t blame him for getting tired of me. Hindi niya kasalanan na napagod na siya na maghintay. Maybe I really didn’t deserve him. Siguro nga may ibang mas karapat-dapat sa pagmamahal niya. Mahal na mahal ko si Wayne, alam ko sa sarili ko iyon. Kahit ilang taon na ang lumipas hindi nagbago iyon. But Therese and George needed me. Hindi ko silang pwedeng talikuran.

Tumakbong umiiyak palabas si Therese. Lumabas ako para aluhin siya at nakita kong nakakandong siya kay George at umiiyak.

“Why is my little girl crying? What’s the matter?” George asked her.

“I want to see Daddy Wayne…” She sobbed.

Nag-angat ng tingin si George sa akin at nag-tama ang mga mata namin. I could see the hurt that flashed across his eyes.

“Therese, halika nga dito.” I motioned for her to come to me.

“No!” She firmly said and jumped off George’s lap and ran to her room.

“She misses Wayne…” George sighed and massaged his temples. “I had never seen her that upset, Tanya. She found in him the father that I can’t be.”

Dahan-dahan kong nilapitan si George at tahimik na umupo sa tabi niya. “George, ano ka ba? Don’t say that… She’s just having a tantrum.”

“But it’s true. She’s at that age where she needs a father the most and I’m not there for her.”

“She’s going to be okay. Someday she’ll understand that everything you’re doing is for her.”

“For her and for you, Tanya. I want you and Therese to have a good future. I don’t want you to experience again what you went through and I don’t want Therese to experience the same thing.” He sighed.

“Hindi mararanasan ni Therese iyon hangga’t nandito ako. Mahal ko si Therese. I’ll protect her, I’ll give her my life if I have to.” I said.

George smiled but his eyes said otherwise. “I know that and she’s lucky for having you. I’m lucky for having you. Thank you for always understanding.”

“I know it’s hard for you as it is for Therese. Nasa Belgium ang trabaho mo ang… ang asawa mo. Ayaw ko man ilayo siya pero ito ang mas makakabuti para sa kanya. I chose to go back here because I want to protect her. I don’t want her to grow up hearing things she shouldn’t be hearing. Gusto kong bigyan siya ng normal na buy.”

“I want the same thing for the two of you. You know I never want to hide you or Therese but people are cruel. I don’t want to expose you to things that could possibly hurt or harm you. I just want you girls to know that even though I’m not always here my love for the both of you only grows stronger. I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, I’m not a good man, but you and Therese are not a part of those mistakes. You are the most beautiful things that ever happened to me.”

“Oh, George.” Maluha-luhang sabi ko.

“Hush, my darling. I don’t want to see you cry.” He pulled me to him and he kissed me on the forehead.

I had two bites of pancakes and decided I was already full. I sighed and pushed my plate away. Simula nang mawala si Wayne, I tried to keep the normalcy but it was tough. Bawat sulok ng bahay na ito naaalala ko siya. This house was built after our dream. Ito yung bahay na pinangarap namin noon, ito yung bahay na tinirhan niya ng maikling panahon. When he was living with us, I really felt like we were a real family. Him, Therese, and I. Ang sarap magkunwari na nabuo namin ang pamilyang pinangarap namin noon. We were the way before like there were no years between us but I was slapped back to reality.

Tumayo ako at biglang parang nagdilim ang paningin ko. I held the edge of the table to balance myself.

“Tanya.” Mabilis na tumayo si George. “Hey, are you okay?”

“I—I’m fine… Nahilo lang ako.” Mahinang sabi ko ng muli kong mabawi ang balanse ko.

“You’re not fine, darling. Have you seen yourself in the mirror? You look as pale as a ghost.” George looked at me, worried.

“Don’t worry about me.”

“How can I not worry about you. You’re not eating enough. You look ill.” He said.

“Pagod lang ako.”

“Is there’s something you’re not telling me? Is something bothering you? You’ve been acting different since I got here.”

“Okay lang ako. Kulang lang siguro ako sa tulog. Mabuti pa, umupo ka na lang at tapusin niyo ni Therese ang almusal.” I smiled and excused myself to my room. I laid in bed and tears began to seep from my eyes again. Hindi ako makakain o makatulog ng maayos simula ng umalis si Wayne. He was all I could think of.

I took a nap and woke up an hour later. After fixing myself, I went out of the room to see Therese, George, and Wayne in the living room. I instantly stiffened the moment our gaze met. It felt like my heart wanted to leap out of my chest.

“Mommy, Daddy Wayne’s here!” Therese said with a huge smile.

“I invited him over. This little girl wants to see him.” George fondly said as he looked at Therese.

“Daddy Wayne’s making a treehouse for me, Papa.” She said.

“He is?”

“Mm-hmm! Aren’t you, Daddy?”

Wayne smiled at him, shifting his attention from me. “We’ll do it some other day. You want to go out today?”

“Okay. I want to go to the arcade.” Excited na sabi ni Therese.

“Okay, we’ll go…” He smiled back but his smile disappeared as if he remembered something. He looked at George. “I mean, if you allow me to take Therese out.”

“Of course. I called you over so you can spend some time with her. My daughter has missed you so much, you know.”

“I missed her too.” His eyes softened as he looked at the little girl and then he looked at me. Muling nagtama ang mga mata namin. Biglang tumigas ang ekspresyon sa mukha niya nang magkatinginan kami at siya ang unang umiwas.

“Papa, let’s go to the arcade! You’re going to love it there.”

“Oh no, I’ll just stay here. Your old man needs to rest.” Sabi ni George bago tumingin sa akin. “Why don’t you go with them, Tanya?”

“H—huh?” Napakurap ako.

“Go with them.” He urged.

“Okay…” Mahinang sabi ko.

Kinuha ko muna si Therese para ayusan at iniwan ang dalawa sa sala. I dressed her up and got her ready. Pagbalik namin ay nag-uusap at nagtatawanan ang dalawa.

“You three better get going.” George said when we got out of Therese’s room.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go with us, Papa?” Asked Therese.

“As much as I want to, Papa has a lot of work I need to finisih. Come here, just me a kiss.” He motioned for Therese to come to him. Lumapit si Therese sa kanya at hinalikan siya sa pisngi.

“Be good, okay?”

“Okay! I love you, Papa!” Sabi ng bata.

“I love you too, sweetheart.”

Pagkatapos namin magpaalam kay George ay pumunta na agad si Therese kay Wayne. She grabbed his hand and Wayne stood up. Magkahawak-kamay silang naglakad palabas ng bahay at sumunod ako sa kanila. Wayne opened the door to the backseat and guided Therese inside. He then turned his head to me and I was met with a coldest of stares. I just shrugged and walked, opening the door to the passenger’s seat and sliding in. He was the last to get in.

We were inches away from each other. Just inches away. But it felt like we were a million miles apart. He kept a distance from me, physically and emotionally. It was like there was an invisible wall seperating the few inches that was between us.

“Daddy Wayne, are go back to our house?” Tanong ni Therese.

“No, munchkin. I just came here to take you out because I missed you so much.” Tinignan ni Wayne ang bata sa rearview mirror.

“I missed you too, Daddy. Did you miss Mommy, too?” She asked.

Suddenly, there was an uncomfortable dead silence. When he didn’t answer I felt a painful squeeze in my chest. Doesn’t he feel anything for me anymore? I turned my head away and looked out of the window of the car. I didn’t want him to see the tears that was beginning to sting my eyes.

“Have you been taking good care of Clifford and Snow White?” Pag-iiba niya.

“Yeah! I feed them every morning after I wake up and before I go to sleep.” Therese answered. “Why did you leave? Are you really not coming back?”

Wayne let out a deep exhale. “I’ll still visit you…”

“But why can’t you live with us again? I miss you and Mommy misses you too, don’t you, Mommy?”

“Of course, I do.” My voice shook at my own confession. There was no point on denying. I had missed him so much and I wanted him back.

He took a quick glance at me and turned his attention back to the road. His face was absolutely void of expression. He had completely shut me off. Para akong hangin lang kung tratuhin niya ako ngayon.

“See! Bakit ayaw mo pang bumalik?”

“Sometimes missing someone doesn’t mean they have to be in your life.”

I bit my bottom lip and tightly shut my eyes to keep my tears from falling.

“So you’re not coming back?” May halong lungkot sa boses ni Therese.

“Munchkin, it’s not that easy. Besides, you have your Papa George now.”

“But it’s not the same without you…”

“I know but we’ll still see each other. I’ll visit and take you out every now and then. How does that sound?” Wayne tried to sound cheerful. Therese answered with a shrug.

Dinala kami ni Wayne sa arcade at hinayaan ko silang maglaro. I finally got the chance to be alone with Wayne when Therese decided she wanted to go into the play center where she can play with the other kids. Adults weren’t allowed to go in kaya naiwan kaming dalawa sa labas habang pinanonood siyang nakikipaglaro.

“Wayne…” I nervously approached him.

“I’m going to get us something to eat.” He shrugged dismissively.

“Kausapin mo naman ako. Hindi ko na kayang ganito tayo.” Halos nagmamakaawang sabi ko.

“We have nothing to talk about.” Sabi niya habang patuloy sa paglalakad.

Humabol ako sa kanya. “Marami tayong kailangan pag-usapan. Ayaw kong matapos tayo ng ganito na lang.”

“I thought we’ve already gone through this.” He said in a bored tone.

“Please, makinig ka naman sa akin. Ipagtatapat ko naman sa kanya ang tungkol sa atin…”

He stopped. I thought he would finally agree to talk me but I was met with a piercing glare. “What more do you fucking want from me, Tanya? Gusto mo ba talagang pinagmumukha akong gago? Natutuwa ka ba kapag pinaghihintay mo ako sa wala? I’m fed up with your games, we both know we’re too old for this.”

“No, Wayne. Mali ka ng iniisip.”

“What do you want me to think then? I’ve loved you with everything I had but you gave me nothing but false hope. I’ve let you use me until I was all used up. I placed myself at your disposal and when things got better for you, when I’m no longer convenient in your life, you disposed of me like a garbage you couldn’t wait to get rid of.”

I shook my head. “Hindi kita ginamit. Ilang beses ko bang sasabihin sa’yo, mahal kita. Pakinggan mo naman ako…”

“Okay. So tell me, what more do you want from me? You already have the old man’s money… I know, is it the sex, Tanya? You want me to be your fucking boytoy?”

Umigkis ang palad ko at lumagapak iyon sa pisngi niya. He looked at me with a shock expression on his face as he held his cheek. I let out a small gasp when he took me by my wrist.

“Wayne, ano ba? Saan mo ba ako dadalhin? S—si Therese…” Sinubukan kong kumawala sa pagkakahawak niya pero hindi niya ako hinayaan. Soon he was dragging me out of the mall and into the mall’s parking lot. He took me to the darkest corner of it at isinandal niya ako sa malamig na dingding nito.

Right away, his lips crashed against mine. His kisses were brutal and burning. His tongue hungrily slid into my mouth. I couldn’t feel any warmth from it. I felt like he was punishing me.

“Is this what you want?” His teeth gritted against my lips. His hands started to wander around my body, touching me in intimate places. His hands were callous where it had once been kind and gentle. This was not like anything I had experience with him. Mariin kong pinikit ang mga mata ko ng bumaba ang halik niya sa leeg ko at nagpatuloy siya sa marahas na paghawak sa katawan ko.

I felt his fingers going under my skirt, trailing along the inside of my leg. I took in a sharp inhale when he cupped my sex. He pushed my underwear aside and touched my bare flesh with his finger. Without a warning, he thrust his finger inside me. I didn’t want to but tears just began to sting my eyes. He rammed his finger in and out of me while he sucked and kissed my neck.

“Wayne, nasasaktan na ako…” Hindi ko na napigilan ang mga luha ko. I was still dry down there and it felt really uncomfortable. I cried not because of that but because of the way he was treating me.

Ito ang pangalawang beses na naramdaman kong nabastos niya ako. The first one was ten years ago inside his car and now this… With the way he kissed and touched me, I felt like I was nothing more but a piece of meat.

Wayne stopped and looked at me. He cussed under his breath and took a step away from me.

Chapter Forty One

Tanya’s POV

Sinusuklayan ko si Therese habang nilalaro niya ang maynikang binili sa kanya ni Wayne kanina. She already had her pajamas on and I was just getting her ready for bed.

Muling bumalik sa isip ko ang nangyari sa parking lot. Tinitigan niya ako na parang pati siya ay nagulat sa ginawa niya. We didn’t utter a single word to each other after what had happened. He kept his distance from me the whole day.

Hindi ko na nga alam kung ano na ang nangyayari sa amin. Kung hanggang saan ko dapat ipagpilitan ang sarili ko sa kanya o saan ako dapat huminto. Kung ako lang, hindi ako mapapagod sa kanya pero siya alam kong pagod na siya. Hindi na tamang paghintayin ko pa siya. He had enough and I couldn’t blame him.

I heard a knock on my door before it opened and George popped his head in. “Hey…”

“Papa George!” Therese jumped out of bed with her doll in her hands. She ran to him, George caught her in his arms and carried her. “Do you like my new dolly?”

“Your dolly is beautiful. Just like you, my little princess. What did you do? Did you have fun?” He kissed her on the cheek.

“Yes, Papa. We went to the arcade and I played in the bounce house and then we had pizza…” Nagkwento si Therese tungkol sa mga ginawa namin ngayon at nang mapagod ay tumigil na ito. Therese yawned and rested her head on George’s shoulder.

He quietly chuckled. “You’ve had a long day. Come on, I’ll tuck you in.”

“I still haven’t fed Snow White and Clifford.”

“Okay, we’ll feed them first and then I’ll tuck you in.”

“Ako na magpapatulog sa kanya.” I said.

“I’ll handle this. You need to take a rest, sweetheart, you look tired.” Lumapit siya sa akin habang karga si Therese. “Give Mommy a goodnight kiss.”

“Mwah!” She leaned over to me and gave me a quick peck on the lips. “Goodnight, Mommy. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” I smiled.

“Get some sleep.” Marahang sabi ni George bago niya ako hinalikan sa noo.

I nodded my head. Lumabas na si George at Therese at naiwan akong mag-isa sa kwarto. I let out a deep exhale and got up. Binuksan ko ang drawer sa vanity at nilabas ang isang singsing mula sa maliit na kahon.

I had in my hand our promise ring. Sampung taon kong iningatan ito. I had kept and cherished this just like how I had kept and cherished my love for him. Hindi na ako umasa noon na magkikita pa kami. Inisip ko na kung sakali man na magkita nga kami may sarili na siyang pamilya.

Just the mere thought of it breaks my heart. Pero sabi ko sa sarili ko noon, kung magkita nga kami at may pamilya na siya, gusto kong makitang masaya man lang siya sa buhay niya. I wanted him happy even if it’s with someone else. Palagi kong pinagdadasal noon na kung nasaan man siya, kung anuman ang kinahinatnan ng buhay niya, sana masaya siya. That was what I wanted most for him, to be happy.

And ironically, I was the one who was causing him pain now. Ilang beses ko na siyang sinaktan at ayaw ko na na patuloy pa siyang saktan. No matter what I do, I only end up hurting him. Ayaw kong lalong lumalim ang sugat na ginawa ko. I just wanted him to be happy.

Pagbukas ko ng pinto ni Therese ay nakita ko si George na natutulog sa tabi ng armchair sa kama ng bata. Resting on his belly was an opened children’s book. Lumapit ako at maingat na kinuha ang librong iyon at inilapag sa bedside table. Ganun din ang ginawa ko sa suot niyang salamin.

“Tanya.” Nagulat ako ng hawakan ako sa kamay ni George.

I smiled. “Bakit diyan ka natulog? Baka mangawit ka.”

“She’s growing up too fast and I feel like I’m missing it. “ He sighed and averted his eyes to Therese. “Someday I’m going to be gone and—”

I held his hand and squeezed it. “Don’t say that, George.”

“I’m an old man, Tanya. Let’s face it. Sooner or later, it’s going to happen.”

“No… Please, George…” I shook my head. “Ayaw kong naririnig yan mula sa’yo.”

He softly laid his hand above mine. “Oh sweetheart, if that day comes I can safely say that I’ve lived a good life. You and Therese have given me the best days of my life. You gave me the love I was missing inside.” He smiled and then turned his head to Therese. “And this little girl, I never expected we’d have this little ball of happiness in our life. At my age, she was a surprise but now I cannot imagine a life without you and Therese. If it weren’t for you I would have given up from the very start. My two precious girls, you’ve given me something to live for. Thank you.”

“Salamat din. For giving me the best of everything and loving me.”

“Sweetheart, you deserve nothing but the very best of everything.”

I remembered the first time I saw George. Nagtatrabaho pa ako sa isang entertainment club noon sa Japan. Dalawang taon ako din ako doon.

Hindi ko magawang masikmura ang ibinigay sa akin trabaho bilang sexy dancer, isang araw pa lang sa trabahong iyon ay nagmakaawa na akong umalis, kaya napilitan si Sasha na bigyan ako ng ibang trabaho. Naging taga-laba ako ng mga damit ng entertainers, taga-luto nila, taga-linis, lahat ng gawain sa bahay ako ang gumagawa. Hindi din naging madali ang buhay ko sa Japan.

Nagbago ang buhay ko ng makilala ko siya. He gave me a new start, a chance to make my life better. Hindi ko sila pwedeng pabayaan ni Therese. Not now, not when he needed me the most.

About six months ago, George was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Iyon ang isa sa mga dahilan kung bakit namin napagdesisyunan na bumalik sa Pilipinas. He wants Therese and I safe and secured if, God forbid, something bad happens to him.

Wayne’s POV

My fingers on both hands clenched at the effort not to snatch Tanya away from him. George said he wanted to check out the bar lounge before it opens and I agreed to show him around. Other than the minor finishings that are being done, the completion of the bar lounge was on full swing. After what had happened between Tanya and I, I didn’t expect she would come.

My anger got the best of me. I never meant to hurt her. I just couldn’t stand the thought of her being with him, making love with him in the very same bed we ,countless of times, had made love in. I was angry at the thought of his body being wrapped around hers, when it was supposed to be me was who was sending her anatomy into a state of pleasure. I just wanted to be me…

How could she just just throw away everything we had in a matter of moments? She made a fool out of me for the second time. Just when I started building a future with her again, she snatched it away from me.

“You did a magnificent job with this.” George said as he looked around. “The detils are works of art. Sophisticated yet very warm and relaxing.”

“Tanya mostly took care of the design. You’d have to praise her for that.” I shrugged.

“I see.” He nodded his head before turning his attention to her. “You did a great job, sweetheart. Prachtig.”

“Thank you. I wouldn’t be able to do it without Mr. St. Croix’s help.” She quietly said, avoiding my gaze.

My jaw clenched. Oh, she’d be getting more than a praise from that old man.

“How was she as a partner, Wayne?” He asked.

My brows furrowed, quite shocked. “Sorry?”

“How was she as your business partner?” He chuckled as if it was a joke.

“Tanya did a great job. She’s a natural. It was bliss working with her. An absolute pleasure.” One corner of my lips curled into a smirk as I looked at her.

“I’m glad to hear that. I know you’ll never have any problems with her.” He smiled. “I can’t thank you enough for taking care of my girls. You did more than I was asking. You went out of your way to check up on the girls and to make sure they’re alright. When Therese talks about you, which she does quite frequently, I hear nothing but good things. You make my girls happy, Wayne.”

“They did the same to me. You’re very lucky for having them.” I forced a smile. It was good while it lasted.

“Indeed, I am.” George’s eyes glowed as she looked at Tanya. “What about you, Wayne? You’re very good with kids, especially with my little Therese, do you have any plan to have your own kids?”

“Not in the near future. No.” I shook my head and sighed heavily. He had no idea that the woman beside him was the only woman I imagine having a family with. “Anyway, we’re going to have our opening party next week.”

I didn’t want the conversation to revert and I started talking about the business again. Even though I wanted to hate George for having the woman I wanted most, I couldn’t. He was a very warm and gentle person. I couldn’t blame him for falling madly in love with Tanya the same way I did. It wasn’t his fault. She was bewitching, like a siren luring a helpless sailor to his death.

After that, I invited them to my office so we could go through the contracts I had ready for them. I needed to explain to them what would be their shares in profit. George decided to stay behind and asked Tanya to come with me.

“You can leave now.” I said, coldly dismissing her. We just wen through the contract, our conversation quick and sterile.

“Wayne…”

“I said you can go.” I said in a low growl.

“May gusto lang akong ibigay sa’yo.” She said and took my hand. She placed something in my palm, closing it and placing a small kiss on my knuckles. “I’m sorry, Wayne. Sorry for causing you so much pain. Hindi ko sinasadyang masaktan ka ulit. Maniwala ka sana sa akin na mahal kita. Sa mga taon na wala ka sa tabi ko, hindi nawala ang pagmamahal ko sa’yo. Ikaw lang ang lalaking minahal ko.”

“Bullshit.” I exhaled a soft cuss.

She took in a deep breath. “I’m not going to convince you to believe me. Gusto ko lang magpasalamat sa’yo. Thank you for the loving me. Sorry naging mahina ako. I didn’t want us to end like this, I want to give it anothery try but it would be selfish if I ask you to wait around for me. Ayaw kong patuloy kang masaktan dahil sa akin. You deserve to be happy, Wayne. There’s nothing more I want in this world but to see you happy. Maybe the only word left unsaid is good bye and maybe I have to say it first before I leave because I never had the chance to say that ten years ago. Goodbye, Wayne.”

Her doe-like eyes watered with tears. She leaned over and kissed me on the lips and then she turned and walked away.

I watched her leave like I have never had. I looked down and opened my palm to see the promise ring I had given her ten years ago. Tears suddenly came to my eyes and dripped down my open palm.

I felt like a part of me was torn away from me. I remembered thinking then that we were one souls in two bodies, that she was the other half of me. To this day, I still held the same belief. We’re one soul trying to find our way back to each other. She was a part of me that somehow wandered off a few lifetimes ago. But how were we supposed to find each other again in the dark and with no sign of hope? I was always falling, reaching out to her, and she wasn’t there.

We could love each other for a thousand years but fate wouldn’t allow us to live happily ever after. We had a thousand lives weighing on our shoulder, waiting for us to get there. But maybe in this life time we weren’t meant to fall back to each other.

Maybe in the next life, we’d get lucky. I knew I would love her the same like I always had. In the next life, I just wish we could finally love each other the right way.

Chapter Forty Two

Tanya’s POV

“Ang sarap ng kain mo, ah.” Nakangiting sabi ni Edna habang nakasalong-baba sa mesa at nakatitig sa akin. She invited me over to her house. Nilabas ni George si Therese at ako lang naman mag-isa sa bahay kaya um-oo na ako. Gusto ko rin naman makita ang kaibigan ko at ayaw ko na magmukmok sa bahay. I hadn’t been myself since the last conversation I had with Wayne.

Nakilala ko ang two-year-old na baby nila ni Luis na ngayon ay nanonood ng tv kasama ang Nanay ni Edna sa living room.

“Oo nga eh. Ang sarap kasi nitong daing.”

Her brows shot up. “Halata ngang sarap na sarap ka diyan. Pero, friend, dapat sinabi mo sa akin na tiyan lang pala ng isda ang gusto mo. Nakadalawang daing ka na, yung tiyan lang kinakain mo.”

I chuckled quietly. “Nako, pasensya ka na. Ngayon lang ulit ako ginanahan kumain.”

“Okay lang, ’no! Kung gusto mo ipagluluto pa kita.”

“Huwag na. Okay na ako dito.” I smiled. “Hindi ko nga maintindihan ang nangyayari sa akin. Ilang araw na akong walang gana kumain, hindi naman sa ayoko, talagang nag-iba yung panlasa ko. Tapos palagi akong nahihilo. Nagiging antukin din ako.”

“Alam na ba ni Wayne yan?” She gave me a meaningful look.

“Ang alin?” Nagtatakang tanong ko. Just hearing his name felt like heavy weight on my chest.

“Ito naman, friend! Surprise ba yan? Dapat si Wayne ba ang unang makaalam?”

“Huh? Hindi kita maintindihan…”

“Para naman first time mo lang magbuntis, eh may baby Therese na nga kayo. Yan na yung signs oh! Obvious na obvious.” She chuckled. “For sure, matutuwa niyan ang mag-ama mo!”

I paused and placed a hand on my stomach. Akala ko stress lang ako dahil sa nangyayari sa amin ni Wayne. It never crossed my mind but just the possiblity of having Wayne’s baby growing inside me made my heart flutter with joy. Hindi naman malabong mangyari iyon dahil mahigit dalawang buwan din kami nagsama.

“B—buntis ako?”

She smiled. “Ang maganda niyan magpa-check up ka sa doktor para masiguro mo. Teka, kailan ka ba huling nagkaron?”

Bigla rin sumagi sa isip ko na hindi pa ako dinadatnan simula nang bumalik kami sa Pilipinas. Masyadong maraming nangyari sa loob ng maikling panahon na nawala na iyon sa isip ko. “Magdadalawang buwan na…”

“Congrats! Magiging ate na si Therese.” Masayang sabi ni Edna.

On my way home, I stopped by a store and bought a pregnancy test kit. I read the instructions and followed it. Kumakabog ang dibdib ko habang hinihintay ang resulta. That was the most nerve-wrecking wait I had ever experienced. I checked the stick and my heart raced a little more when I saw a red line and a faint pink one next to it.

It had two lines.

I was pregnant with Wayne’s child. Hinaplos ko ang tiyan ko. I smiled as tears blinded my eyes. I felt nothing but immense happiness knowing that I had growing in me our fruit of love.

I suddenly felt a gaping hole in my chest when I thought of Wayne. Despite feeling happy, I felt still felt empty. I just wished he was here with me now so I could share this moment with him.

Kung sakaling nandito nga siya sa tabi ko ano kaya ang magiging reaksyon niya? Would he be as happy as I was?

This baby came at the most unexpected time, when I was finally ready to set him free. Now we’d be forever connected by this tiny life inside me and our child would always be a beautiful reminder of the love we shared together. Dahil sa batang dinadala ko muling nabuhayan ng loob ang puso ko.

I smiled a bitter smile as I thought of the plans we had together. We planned to have five children. A small house with a big garden and a treehouse for the kids. Huli na ba talaga ang lahat para maisakatuparan namin ang mga pangarap na binuo namin?

Nakikipagkuwentuhan si George kay Therese habang nag-aalmusal kami. I had been feeling a little faint the moment I woke up. Pinilit ko lang tumayo sa kama kanina dahil ipaghahanda ko pa sila ng almusal at aayusan ko pa si Therese dahil papasok ito. I just felt so nauseated.

Bigla akong napatayo mula sa mesa ng maramdaman kong parang tataob ang sikmura ko. I hurriedly ran to the kitchen sink when I felt something coming up from my stomach. I prepared myself but nothing came up. I just dry heaved as my stomach painfully constricted.

“Tanya, what is happening to you?” Lumapit si George at inabutan ako ng isang basong tubig.

“Thank you.” I took the glass from his hand and gulped it down.

“Are you okay, Mommy?” Therese asked, concern in her voice.

I smiled. “Okay lang ako. Tapusin mo na yang kinakain mo para mahatid na kita sa school.”

“Okay…”

“Tanya…” George looked at me with worry on his face. Inipit niya sa likod ng tainga ko ang ilang hibla ng buhok ko na nakatabing sa mukha ko. “You need to take care of yourself.”

“Huwag mo akong alalahanin.” I gave him a reassuring smile.

“You can’t tell me not to worry about you. Look at you, you look pale and sick. I cannot stand seeing you like this.”

“Wala ’to. Maybe I’m just a bit stressed out.” Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kanya. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko ipaliliwanag kay George ang lahat. Ang tungkol sa amin ni Wayne at ngayon naman ang pagbubuntis ko. I wanted Wayne to be the first to know that I was pregnant with his child. Higit sa kanino man siya ang may karapatan na malaman ito.

“Therese, are you done with your breakfast?” Lumapit ako sa mesa para makaiwas kay George.

“Almost.” She answered.

“Okay. Dalian mo na baka malate ka na naman.”

I took Therese to her school after she was done with her breakfast. Umuwi din ako agad sa bahay pagkahatid ko sa kanya. Getting out of the house and taking a breath of fresh air made me feel a little better. While I was driving home from Therese’s school, I got a chance to think things through.

Wala naman akong balak itago ang anak namin kay Wayne. I didn’t care whatever the outcome would be. Mamahalin ko pa rin ito dahil ito ang bunga at patunay ng pagmamahalan namin. Whatever happens, our love will live on through this child.

“Tanya.” George was sitting on the armchair in the living room when I walked in.

“Have you taken your medicine?” I asked.

“Can you come and sit with me?” He quietly asked.

Lumapit ako at umupo sa couch sa tabi niya.

He took my hand in his. “Tanya, sweetheart, is there something you want to tell me?”

I shook my head. “Please, George… I don’t want you to worry about me. Masama sa’yo ang masyadong nag-aalala.”

“Is it Wayne’s?” He gently asked.

I swallowed. “A—ano’ng ibig mong sabihin?”

“The baby… is it his?” He asked again and sighed. “You don’t need to hide anything from me, Tanya. Therese found a positive pregnancy test in your bathroom, she brought it to me and asked what it was. I also knew he’s been living here with you and Therese while I was in Belgium.”

I bit my bottom lip. “S—sabihin ko rin naman sa’yo ang tungkol sa amin… I’m sorry.”

“Oh sweetheart, don’t be sorry. I just don’t want you to be too scared to tell me something.” He said with a smile.

“Ayaw ko lang naman na mabigla ka. Ayaw kong bumalik ka na may ibang lalaki na nakatira dito. Ayaw ko din isipin mo na may ipinalit ako sa pwesto mo bilang ama ni Therese kasi hindi totoo iyon. You need me and Therese now more than ever at gusto kong malaman mong hindi kami mawawala sa tabi mo.” My voice shook with tears as I took his hands in mine and squeezed it.

“Why do you always put others first before yourself?” He sighed and shook his head. “I don’t want you to sacrifice your happiness for other people, even for me and Therese. You need to realize that you deserve to be happy too.”

“You’ve done so much for me, George. Sa ganitong paraan lang ako makakabawi sa lahat ng nagawa mo sa akin.”

“Darling, you don’t owe me anything. I gave you what should’ve been truly yours from the start. If anything, I’m the one who owes you. I’m trying to make up for the times I wasn’t by your side while you were growing up but I’m still falling short. You’ve always been kind and understanding. The world doesn’t deserve your heart. “ He looked at me with tears forming in the corners of his eyes and then he bent down to kiss my hand. “There is nothing more I want than for you to be happy. You know I’ve always prayed that you’d find the right man for you. That someday I’d be walking you down the aisle and it would be one of the proudest days of my life. Please, make that happen, Tanya.”

“George…” Tears flowed heavily down my cheek.

“Do me a favor. Give Therese and the baby the family they both deserve. The family I never got to give the both of you. I have not a single doubt that Wayne would be a good father to them. After all, Wayne’s blood is still running through Therese’s veins.”

The last sentence he said made me pause. It took a while for me to process what he said. “A-ano’ng ibig mong sabihin?

Chapter Forty Three

“You already know that Therese is the result of an affair I had but I never told you about her mother. I didn’t have a happy marriage with Eleanor. My family demanded I marry her for business alliances. Our marriage is simply just a business transaction, to say the least. I was lonely and I needed company. I had a short-lived affair with one of my employees and got her pregnant.That woman happened to be Almira St. Croix, Wayne’s mother. After giving birth to our daughter, she gave Therese to me and I never saw her again.”

I took in a sharp breath. “Ibig sabihin magkapatid si Wayne at Therese?”

“Yes…” Tiim na sabi ni George.

“And Therese is also my sister…” I quietly said as it slowly sank into me. Eleanor, George’s wife, and the Sullivan’s didn’t want anything to do with Therese. Galing sa kilala at prominenteng pamilya si George, the Sullivan’s were the descendants of a nobel family with George’s father, my grandfather, being a Count. Habang nag-aaral ako noon sa Scotland kung saan niya ako dinala, ibinigay muna sa akin ni George si Therese noong sanggol pa lang siya para pansamantalang alagaan hanggang sa nahulog na ang loob ko sa bata. Soon, my whole world revolved around her. She erased the longing and emptiness I felt during that time. I decided to keep her for good and treat her as my daughter because I knew she needed a mother who’d love her and provide stability.

“Yes, but you are not related to him in anyway. Therese is the only blood that links the both of you to each other. You’ve been nothing but a wonderful mother to Therese, you took her in and treated her like your real daughter. You gave her everything you have, you’ve set aside your whole life for her. But I want you to have your own family too, Tanya, your own children. Gusto ko pang makilala ang magiging apo ko sa’yo.” He smiled. “All I want is for you to find someone who would love and take care of you and Therese. Wayne filled the gaps in both your lives that I couldn’t fill. I can see how much he loves the little one and Therese loves him just as much. She longs for a father figure that I never got to give to the two of you.”

“That’s not true. You’ve given us everything you could give and that’s enough for us.”

“Oh but you both deserve better than the life I’ve given you.” Malamlam ang mga matang sabi niya.

“Alam na ba ni Wayne ang tungkol kay Therese?”

“He doesn’t know yet. I only found out through investigating that Almira was married to a man named Enrico St. Croix, and she had a son with him and that’s Wayne. I knew he was going to that charity party we went to and I wanted to meet him. I wanted to know what kind of person he is. I wanted to give Therese the chance to meet her brother so when I found out that he needed someone to invest on his business, I jumped at the opportunity. I just want someone to look after the two of you while I’m gone because someday I may not come back. I’m just making sure that when I leave, you girls are in good hands.”

“George, huwag mo nga sabihin yan.”

“You and Therese are the only thing that’s worth keeping in my life.” His eyes crinkled as he smiled again. “You know, I thank God everyday for paving a way for us to meet. You brought the happiness back in my life. You’re like your mother, my lovely Esther. I’m glad you had her beautiful heart and her gentleness. Believe it or not, out of all the woman I’ve had in my life, Esther is the only one I’ve ever truly loved.”

I could sense the sincerity and love in his voice. Tears began to film his eyes. “If I had known that I had gotten her pregnant I would’ve stayed with her. It was her who I wanted to marry. I would’ve given up everything for you and your mother. I would’ve given up my family, wealth, my whole life. I went back for her but she was already gone when I came back.”

My parents’ love story was a bittersweet one. Nagbago ang buhay ko ng mabasa ko ang nakasulat sa diary ni Nanay na nadala ko sa Japan. Doon ko nalaman ang sikreto ng pagkatao ko. Na hindi pala ako totoong anak ni Tatay Paeng. It said in her diary that she was already pregnant with me when she met him.

Nakilala niya si George Sullivan noong nagtatrabaho siyang waitress sa maliit na restaurant ng tiyahin niya sa Cebu, naging regular na costumer ito at kahit dayuhan ito ay nakapalagayan niya ng loob. Hindi nagtagal ay nahulog na din ang loob niya at nagka-relasyon sila ni George. Umuuwi si George sa Belgium pero binabalikan din siya nito. Isang araw, nalaman niyang buntis na pala siya sa akin. Nakasulat sa diary ni Nanay na wala siyang kahit katiting na pagsisisi ng malaman niya iyon at minahal niya na ako nasa sinapupunan pa lang ako. She was so excited to tell George. Hinintay niyang bumalik ito pero mag-lilimang buwan na siyang nagdadalang-tao ay wala pa rin siyang naririnig mula rito. Nakatira lang siya sa bahay ng tiya niya at ayaw niyang bigyan ng kahihiyan ang pamilya niya dahil disgrasyad siya kaya napagdesisyunan niyang lumuwas ng Maynila.

Doon niya nakilala si Tatay Paeng. Nakatira ito sa katabing pinto ng inuupahan niyang kwarto. Naging mabuti si Tatay sa kanya. Nagbubuntis pa lang daw siya sa akin ay si Tatay na ang nag-aalaga sa kanya. Alam niyang may gusto na sa kanya si Tatay noon pero hindi niya ito pinapansin dahil nadala na siya sa lalaki. Sa tuwing uuwi siya mula sa pinagtatrabahuhan niyang factory noon ay parating may iniiwan itong pagkain sa labas ng pinto niya. Si Tatay ang nag-aalala sa kanya tuwing nag-oovertime siya sa pinagtatrabahuhan niyang factory dahil ayaw nitong napapagod siya lalo na at buntis pa siya. Si Tatay din ang tumulong sa kanya noong manganganak na siya, ito ang nagtakbo sa kanya sa ospital at ito rin ang nasa tabi niya noong nanganak siya sa akin. Siya din ang unang kumarga sa akin pagkapanganak. Noong hindi pa nakakabalik sa pagtatahi sa factory si Nanay ay si Tatay ang bumili ng lahat ng kailangan namin. Mula sa gatas hanggang sa diaper ko. Kahit man daw nahihiya siya ay hindi na siya makatanggi dahil ako inaalala niya. Nangako siya kay Tatay na babayaran ang lahat ng nagastos sa akin kapag nakabalik siya sa trabaho pero tumanggi ito dahil gusto niya lang daw makatulong sa amin. Nakita niya ang pagmamalasakit ni Tatay hindi lang sa kanya kundi sa akin din. Nang magdadalawang taon gulang na ako doon pa lang daw niya sinagot si Tatay at sinabay nila ang kasal nila sa birthday ko noong magtatlong taon ako. Tinrato ako ni Tatay na parang tunay na anak at kahit kailan hindi ko naramdaman na iba ako sa kanya.

Agad kong hinanap si George ng malaman ko iyon, nagbaka sakali akong may pamilya pa ako. Tinulungan ako ng mga kaibigan ko sa Japan hanggang sa ma-contact namin si George. Agad niya naman akong pinuntahan ng mabanggit ko sa kanya si Nanay. The first time I saw him, there was never a doubt in my heart that he was my father. We looked so alike. I was sure he felt that way too.

He took me with him and introduced me to his family. Majority of them didn’t accept me and I received negative attention from the people around us. His family never even allowed me to call him my father. Napagdesisyunan ni George na dalhin ako sa Scotland dahil gusto niya akong magkaron ng normal na buhay at makatapos ng pag-aaral.

“I hope your mother found it in your heart to forgive me before she passed away.” George let out a deep exhale.

“Alam ko, kahit hindi niya na sabi noon, na wala siyang sama ng loob sa’yo.”

“I hope so, my darling.” He smiled a pained smile. “Does Wayne already know about the baby?”

I slowly shook my head. I bit my bottom lip as tears began to burn my eyes again. “There’s something you need to know. Wayne and I knew each other long before the charity party. He was my first boyfriend. Siya lang din ang tanging lalaking minahal ko. Iniwan ko siya noon, natakot kasi ako sa nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. I was so afraid that one day I’m going to lose him and I’d be left with nothing so I left him. We were given a second chance and for the second time, I lost him again.”

“Oh sweetheart.” He took my hand and fondly kissed it. “What happened?”

“I made him leave because you were coming back. Ni ayaw niya na akong makausap ngayon.”

“Do you want me to talk to him?” He asked, concerned.

“No… gusto ko ako ang magsabi sa kanya. I want to be the one to tell him about our baby.”

“Promise me that you’d give Therese and the baby a complete family. You and the kids deserve it. Promise me you’d never let what happened to me and your mother happen to you and Wayne.”

“I promise…”

Wayne’s POV

Tonight was the club’s grand opening party. I invited a few close friends, investors, and a couple of clients. I also had with me, Karen, my date. She was a politician’s daughter and one of my past hook ups. I knew Tanya and George would be there and I didn’t want to look like a pitiful fool who couldn’t get over her.

“You look so handsome.” Karen said in a low husky voice as she played with my tie. She tiptoed to give me a kiss but I turned my head away.

“Wayne?” She looked at me rather confused.

My lips curled into a charming smile. “Save it for later.”

I couldn’t get myself to want another woman after Tanya. Nothing could come close to being able to compare to the feeling she made me feel. Once you’ve had the taste of heaven, everything else pales in comparison.

“Wayne!” My head turned and I saw George walking towards to where we were standing. My eyes instantly averted to Tanya, her arms wrapped around George’s. I felt a surge of jealousy seeing them together but my anger melted into a puddle of longing when she smiled as it reminded me why I fell in love with her over and over again. The grey evening dress she wore accentured her figure. She was breathtakingly beautiful as ever with a soft smile upon her gentle face.

“George.” I said with a nod, acknowledging his presence. I looked at Tanya and noticed that her eyes were fixed on Karen. Her smile disappeared and was replaced by a stern downturn of the mouth. I couldn’t help smiling to myself when I caught her reaction. “Tanya. Good to see you.”

“Who’s this beauty your with?” Asked George.

“Hi, I’m Karen. Wayne’s date.” She held her hand out for a handshake.

“Nice to meet you Karen.” George took it and after shaking her hand, he looked at me unsmiling. “Are you friends or is there something more going on here?

“George…” Tanya softly said as she squeezed his arm.

He suddenly let out a chuckle but with no humor in it. “Forgive me for prying into your personal affairs. Where are my manners?”

“Oh, that’s okay! Wayne and I are definitely more than friends.” Karen giggled.

“I see…” George nodded his head with a slight smile then he turned his head to Tany. “Darling, do you want to sit down?”

Tanya nodded her head. I guided then to their designated seats, we sat together in one table. The guests started coming in and everyone was having a fine evening.

My attention was fixed entirely on Tanya. Looking at her now, I knew that I would always love her even if I didn’t want to. The wind would always carry the dream of the life we should’ve had together. When the air brushed against me, taunting and haunting me into nostalgic madness , all my progress in forgetting her were replaced with the memories of the times I believed that we were meant to stretch on to eternity rather than just for the sunrise. I had to accept that I couldn’t love her anymore, all I could do now was to love the memory of her.

George took Tanya’s hand and I quietly watched, may jaw clenching in contained anger, as he lead her to the dance floor. They were slow dancing.

“Wayne, come on. I want to dance.” Karen pulled me from my seat. We danced but my eyes and mind were still on George and Tanya who were just a few steps away from us.

“Excuse me, may I have the pleasure to dance with this lovely lady?” George asked and Karen and I broke apart.

“Sure. If she wants…” I shrugged.

“It would be a pleasure to dance with you.” Karen answered. Despite his age, George was still a handsome and well-buit. It wouldn’t find it surprising to know that young women are still taking a liking to him. My eyes narrowed at Tanya. It made me wonder if she had genuinely fallen for her or was she just after his money?

I was ready to leave the dance floor when George handed me Tanya. I couldn’t refuse even when my mind told me to. My arms automatically wrapped around her tiny waist and her arms encircled around my neck. The warmth of her skin agains mine instantly ignited a fire that burned through my soul. But she was a poison to me. She made me taste a small piece of heaven and dropped me back to hell again

“Wayne, kailangan natin mag-usap.” She softly spoke.

“I don’t think we have anything to talk about.” I coldly said.

“Marami tayong kailangan pag-usapan… We need to talk about us…”

“So are you changing your mind again? I thought the last time was goodbye? I’m sick and tired of your games, Tanya. Hindi pa ba sapat sa’yo ang paglaruan ako? Stop making a fool out of me over and over again.” I growled. It felt as if she was poking on an already painfully open wound. 

“Makinig ka naman sa akin, Wayne… Just this once listen to me.” Her eyes begged me.

“We are getting nowhere.” I exhaled. I could feel myself softening again when I shouldn’t be. I was afraid I’d take her back again like I did before. Like she hadn’t torn me from the inside out. I couldn’t let that happen again.

She had claimed a thousand times that she loves me and I believed each time. But now it was different. I knew better now than to believe. If she really did love me then maybe she didn’t love me enough because you don’t give up on someone you love even if the universe told you so. I knew because I didn’t give up on her, not until now…

I gently pried her arms away from me and walked away. I went to the bar and asked for a glass of Cognac. I tried to wash away the pain in my chest with alcohol. 

They say pain is good. It let’s you know where it needs healing but what if the very same cause of your pain was then only one who could heal it?

“I’m exhausted. I need to go home. An old man like me can’t take staying up this late. Some of the guests are already besides, I’m not needed here.” George said.

“Bakit hindi mo naman agad sinabi? Halika na, umuwi na tayo.” Said Tanya.

“Oh no, sweetheart, you’re staying here with Wayne…” He said. “Wayne will you be kind enough to show her around, introduce her to your clients and investors. You’ll be working together so you need to familiarize her with running this business.”

I quietly nodded my head.

“Karen, my dear, why don’t we just leave them alone? I don’t think Wayne will  be able to tend to you. They’ve got work that needs to be donez Let’s not bother them.”

“But…” Karen wanted to protest.

“I will have my chaffeur take you home.” George urged and then he looked at me. “You don’t need to worry about Karen, ’ll take care of your date. Be a gentleman and drop my Tanya off after the party.”

“Go ahead. I’ll call you later.” I nodded my head at Karen.

She sighed and slumped her shoulders like a disappointed kid.

Chapter Forty Four

Tanya followed behind me as I strode to my car. I wanted her to know that I didn’t want to be anywhere near her, that her once calming company had become odious to me. Whenever Tanya was around, I had to put the wall back up to protect myself. To protect what was left of the heart that she destroyed. I had given up. I’d grieved over her, mourned, I had accepted defeat. I had accepted that I couldn’t have her now in this lifetime.

I stopped in front of my car and pressed the open button on my car remote.

“Get in.” I said with a flat tone.

She opened the door to the passenger’s side and slipped in. I got in the car and closed the door with a loud slam that made her jerk in surprise. I started the car and drove off as fast as I could.

“Dahan-dahan naman, Wayne.” She spoke in a quiet voice.

“I want to get this over with as quick as I could. I want you out of my car and out of my goddamn life.”

“That’s not possible…” Tanya whispered.

“And why is that?” I roared.

“Pwede bang mag-usap naman tayo ng maayos? Hindi yung ganito. Hindi yung galit ka sa akin…”

“What is there to talk about? Everything was clear to me the moment you told me to move out.”

“Makinig ka muna sa akin, Wayne. Please, just this once… kailangan mong malaman ito.”

My phone suddenly rang. I picked the phone up with my free hand as the other one controlled the steering wheel. Tristan’s name registered on the screen. My forehead crinkled.

Curious to why he’d be calling me this late at night, I pressed the answer button. This had to be important.

“Kunin mo yung kaibigan mo dito! Baka mapatay ko pa tong hayop na ’to. Ayaw kong makulong.” His usual cool tone was tight with controlled anger.

“Wait, what is happening there?”

“Just get your ass over to my place and pick Axel up. I swear to God, I might end up killing him.” He said and immediately ended the call.

I took a sharp u-turn and drove to Tristan’s condominium. Immediately, I pushed the door open as soon as I found a place to park my car.

“Dito ka lang. I’ll be back.” I told Tanya.

I stepped out of the car and hurriedly went inside the building. I was honestly afraid of what I’d find once I get there. I didn’t understand what was happening. Tristan was never a violent person but while I was talking to him on the phone, it really sounded like he was ready to kill Axel.

The door to his unit opened at the third ring. Tristan appeared in front of me with a dark expression on his face.

“What happened?”

“I’m going to get Val. Ikaw na bahala sa gagong yan!” He threw a sideway glare on Axel who was flattened out on the floor with arms and legs flung wide.

I walked towards him and nudged him with my foot. He didn’t make a single movement.

“Is he… is he dead?” My eyes widened.

“He’s just drunk. Pero kung hindi mo kukunin yang kaibigan mo dito baka ilibing ko ng buhay yan.” Tristan shrugged.

“What did he do?”

“He fucked my sister, that’s what!” He angrily barked.

I just shook my head as I looked down at Axel. He was passed out drunk with black and blue marks on his face. Looking at him now, I felt sorry for him but at the same time I think I would laugh at him if he got his dick sliced off. The asshole just couldn’t keep it in his pants. He had it coming. There were thousands of women out there and he chose to fuck with Valerie.

“Val… Nasaan si Val…” He muttered in slurred, drunken words.

I pulled him up, wrapping one of his arm around my shoulder to support him. He let out a groan as I drag him out of Tristan’s unit. I was out of breath from dragging his heavy weight when I got to my car and pushed him inside the backseat.

Tanya looked worried. “Ano’ng nangyari sa kanya?”

“He had a little too much to drink.” I answered in a cold tone.

I brought Axel to my place and had no choice but to take her with me. After putting Axel to bed in the guest’s room, I went out of the room to find Tanya quietly sitting on the couch in the living room.

She turned her head to my direction when she heard me closing the door. “Wayne…”

“Iuuwi na kita.”

She shook her head. “Ayaw ko pang umuwi. Gusto kong mag-usap tayo.”

“Bakit ba ang kulit mo? I’m fucking tired, Tanya.”

She got up and cradled my face into her palms. Her eyes watered with tears. “Please, Wayne… kahit ngayon lang makinig ka naman sa akin.”

“I’ve had enough of your bullshit! Stop this, Tanya…” I almost begged. I could feel myself melting against the warmth of her touch. “What more do you want from me? Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

“Because I love you. Mahal na mahal kita, Wayne. Ayaw kong mawala ka ulit sa akin.” Her voice shook with tears.

It was as if my arms had minds of their own as they wrapped around her tiny waist. My lips crashed against hers in a kiss I didn’t want to control. She responded to my kiss with the same intensity, the same hunger. My hand went up to reach for the zipper on the back of her dress and withing moments, I had managed to remove it and she let it drop to the floor. She stood in front of me, wearing nothing but ivory lace underwears that incased her most intimate parts. My hand cupped her breast, eliciting a quiet moan of pleasure from her. My entire body ached with longing for her.

I found myself lifting her off the ground and carrying her into my arms, never breaking our kiss. I carried her to my room and laid her down my body. Her hands wandered around my body with such familiarity, finally stopping on the button of my shirt. She played with it a little before unbuttoning them one by one. Tanya pushed the shirt off me until I was topless.

I unhooked her bra and took it off, breaking away from the kiss to appreciate the beauty of it. My fingers encircled around it. Her breasts were the perfect, smooth and round and just filling my hands, with nipples that pebbled with the cool temperature from the air conditioning.

“Wayne…” She moaned as I gently stroke the very peak of her nipple with my thumb. I lowered my mouth to her breast and began to suck on it. I was hungry for her, so desperately hungry. I gave her other breast the same sweet attention. She writhed moan over and over again.

My hand glided down to her stomach and down to her pussy. I gently ran a finger over the tiny piece of cloth that covered her hot feminity. I felt her through the thin cloth, she was already wet for me. Not wanting to waste a single second, I pulled her lace underwear down and it revealed the hidden part that heightened my desire. From the fullness of her lips, the perfection of her breasts, the firm skin on her stomach to her most intimate part… she was God’s most perfect creation.

I lightly brushed a finger over her wet folds. She shuddered and moaned, opening her legs a little wider. “Wayne, please, Wayne…”

I massaged her clit in a circular motion. She moaned even louder. I had already memorized every corner and nook of her body. I knew where to touch. I knew what made her crazy. A heat of jealousy burned in my chest when I thought of George doing the same thing to her, looking at her body and touching her in intimate places that were only I should be touching.

She gasped in surprise when I harshly yanked her legs apart. I knelt in between them and positioned myself on her core. I shoved myself inside her as deep and hard as I could, thrusting every inch of my cock inside her. She yelped.

My mouth lowered to her ear. “No man will know how to pleasure you like I can.”

I began to thrust in and out of her. Her warm insides wrapped around me, tightly embracing me. I clenched my teeth and fucked her faster, the bed shaking along with my movements and my breath coming in big ragged gasps. Her fingers dug into my back, clawing at it.

“Wayne…”

I kissed her again, messy and passionate, sucking her sweet tongue into my mouth. She was mine and nobody could have her the way I had. I wanted to touch her the way nobody had before. I wanted the feel of my skin to be the feel she could never get enough of. A feeling she would never be able to forget even when she tries to erase my touch with someone else’s. Tonight she was mine. I didn’t care who she had loved before and who she’d love tomorrow. All I cared about was that she loved me now and that she would always love and remember me even when we were no longer together.

Her insides clenched around me as I continued to furiously pump in and out. I pulled away from the kiss and looked at her sweet, angelic face. That face that could launch a thousand ship. Her eyes were closed as she drowned in exquisite pleasure.

“Open your eyes, Angel…” I groaned. She did as I told her to do and our eyes locked. Her doe-like eyes were dark with passion. “Look at me while you come. I want to watch you.”

She buried her face into my chest to muffling her cries of pleasure as she orgasmed. Her walls tightened around me. I felt her orgasm ripple through me from my lips to the sole of my feet. It triggered my own climax. I pushed ever inch of my length in her, hitting her furthermost wall and feeling every part of her. Our pelvis were touching and every part of her was thrilled to be so close. I spilled every last drop inside of her.

After a minute, I eased out of her but she hugged me and wrapped her legs around my waist.

“Please, huwag ka munang umalis. Dito ka lang.” She whispered as she clung to me. “Stay inside me a little longer…”

Still buried inside her, I nuzzled my face into the crook of her neck. I inhaled her sweet scent. I had always loved the smell of her when she smelt of sex. She was musk and honey. A few minutes had gone by, her breathing became steady, more relaxed. She had already fallen asleep.

Knowing that I was too heavy for her, I shifted to my side and cradled her into my arms. The love was still there but was it enough? The hurt and the pain that she had caused seemed to big to over come. I sighed and thought to myself how could something this beautiful bring so much pain. She had moved the deepest parts of me that I wished she never made me feel. Because at this point, I was drained of everything I had to give.

Maybe not every love stories end in happily ever after. Maybe ours doesn’t need one. Maybe all we could have was a happily right now and that gets to be enough.

Tanya’s POV

Nakapulupot ang bisig niya sa akin nang magising ako. I shifted and turned to face him and couldn’t help but smile as I watched him sleep. His relaxed face was beautiful in slumber. I missed mornings like this, when I’d wake up with him next to me.

I brushed my fingers into his hair and pressed a kiss on his lips. Hindi na ako makapaghintay na sabihin sa kanya ang tungkol sa baby namin. Sigurado akong matutuwa siya. Wala akong pag-aalinlangan na magiging mabuti siyang ama sa magiging anak namin. After what had happened last night, I had high hope that we’d be able to fix our relationship again. Kailangan namin ayusin ito, lalo na ngayon na alam na ni George ang tungkol sa amin at dinadala ko ang anak niya.

Bumaba ako sa kama at ipinulupot ang kumot sa hubad na katawan ko. I quietly slipped out of the room, careful not to wake him up. I cleaned up the mess we made last night. Pinulot ko ang mga damit ko na nagkalat doon at sinuot yun pagkatapos ay pumunta ako sa kitchen para ipaghanda siya ng almusal. Nagluto ako ng garlic rice, longganisa na nakita ko sa fridge at nagprito din ako ng itlog. Pagkatapos kong magluto ay bumalik ako sa kwarto para gisingin siya at ayain na kumain.

“Wayne, gising na…” I softly whispered to his ear.

He answered with an inaudible mutter.

“Magtatanghali na.” He said.

“Later.” He moaned.

“Gising na. Nagluto na ako ng breakfast natin.” Malambing na sabi ko habang naglalaro ang mga daliri ko sa hubad na dibdib niya.

He grunted.

“Hindi ba sabi ko kagabi may sasabihin ako sa’yong importante?” I nuzzled my nose against his jaw and gave him sniff kisses. “Gumising ka na.”

“Yeah…” Inaantok pa na sabi niya.

“Sige, magshoshower lang ako. Pagtapos ko dapat gising ka na.”

“Mmhmm…”

I sighed and headed to the bathroom. I took a shower and dried my body with a towel. Pinulupot ko ang tuwalya sa katawan ko at lumabas ako ng banyo. Wayne wasn’t in bed anymore. May nakita akong blue striped pajama top na nasa ibabaw ng kama niya at iyon ang sinuot ko. I didn’t have any clean clothes to wear so I decided that this would do. Malaki at maluwag sa akin iyon, umabot ang lalayan hanggang sa ibabaw ng tuhod ko. It was a comfortable fit.

Inayos ko muna ang pinaghigaan namin bago ako lumabas sa kwarto. Nagulat ako ng makita si Wayne na kausap ang kaibigan niyang si Axel. I had completely forgotten that he was here. I wasn’t wearing anything other than Wayne’s pajama top so I quickly went back inside the room.

“Who was that?” I heard Axel’s voice from the outside of the room.

“Just some whore.” Wayne answered in an apathetic tone.

What I heard him say made my legs go weak. Kinailangan kong umupo sa gilid ng kama kung hindi ay pakiramdam ko bibigay ang mga tuhod ko. I felt a lump forming in my throat as I felt tears sting the corners of my eyes.

Nagulat ako ng bumukas ang pinto ng kwarto ilang minuto lang ang nakaraan. Bumungad sa akin si Wayne na may madilim na ekspresyon sa mukha.

“What are you still doing here?”

“May kailangan kang malaman.” Pinahid ko ang nagbabadyang luha sa mga mata ko at nag-iwas ng tingin sa kanya. I rested my hand over my stomach. “I’m pregnant.”

There was only silence. It was a heavy one, full of tension. Napilitan na akong mag-angat ng tingin sa kanya ng hindi pa siya magsalita makaraan ang ilang minuto. His face was a little pale.

“Did you hear what I just said? Buntis ako, Wayne!” Mangiyak-ngiyak na sabi ko.

“Kanino?” Matigas ang tonong sabi niya at bumaba ang tingin niya sa tiyan ko.

“Ano’ng kanino?” Namilog ang mga mata ko. I couldn’t believe what he just said. “Kanino pa ba sa tingin mo?”

“You tell me…” One corner of his lips curled into a cruel sneer.

“Wayne, alam mong sayo itong dinadala ko…” My voice was weak and shaky.

“Paano ko naman masisigurong akin yan batang yan? Gusto mong ipaako sa akin ang anak mo sa ibang lalaki? You think I’m that stupid?”

“Ganon ba kababa ang tingin mo sa akin? Am I really just some whore to you?” Tears blinded my eyes.

“Ano bang gusto mong isipin ko? I met you through the blue book. You sold yourself to me and now…” He smirked. “Hindi ko nga alam kung ilang lalaki kaming—”

Gathering all the strength I had, I got up and walked up to him. Umigkis ang palad ko at dumapo sa pisngi niya.

“Oo, binenta ko nga ang sarili ko sa’yo noon pero alam mong ikaw lang ang lalaki sa buhay ko. Hindi ko naman ipagpipilitan sa’yo ang anak ko. Hindi kita pipilitin na panagutan Hindi ako maghahabol sa’yo at lalong hindi ko ipagsisiksikan ang anak ko sa amang ayaw sa kanya. Gusto ko lang sabihin sa’yo dahil akala ko matutuwa ka… “ I harshly wiped the tears from my cheek. “Huwag ka rin mag-alala, hinding-hindi malalaman ng anak mo ’to paglaki niya. Our child will never know that you didn’t want him or her.”

Chapter Forty Five

“Mommy…” I was laying on my side when she gave me a kiss on the cheek from behind. I wiped away my tears, not wanting her to see me crying. “Mommy, are you okay?”

“Of course, I’m okay.” I sat up and looked at her. Hinawi ko ang ilang hibla ng buhok na tumatabing sa mukha niya.

“You still haven’t had your dinner. Papa said I should wake you up because if you don’t eat the baby will get hungry too.”

I couldn’t help but smile at the concern Therese and George is showing for my baby. I placed my hand on top of my belly. With them around, I knew my baby would never feel like something is missing in his or her life. Hindi niya mararamdaman ang kawalan ng ama niya sa buhay niya dahil lahat ng pagkukulang na iyon ay pupunuan namin.

I was hurting more for my baby more than for myself. I felt sorry for my child. Kahit kailan hindi niya malalaman na itinanggi siya ng ama niya. I would never want my child to know that he or she wasn’t wanted by his father. Kung balang-araw ay magtanong siya tungkol sa ama niya, hindi ko pagdadamot sa kanya ang malaman ang tungkol kay Wayne. But our child would only know the good memories we shared together. Sasabihin ko sa kanya na ang ama niya ang tanging lalaking minahal ko at minsan ay minahal niya din ako. Na siya ang naging bunga ng pagmamahalan na iyon. I would never regret the time we spent together. I would never regret falling in love for Wayne. I wouldn’t want our child to hate him. Gusto kong mahalin din siya ng anak namin kahit hindi sila magkakilala dahil kung hindi dahil sa kanya wala naman itong batang nasa sinapupunan ko.

“Tanya…” George’s head popped into the door. “You’ve been in your room all day. You haven’t eaten anything yet. Are you not feeling well?”

I shook my head.

He flashed me a look of concern and tenderness. Pumasok siya sa kwarto at umupo sa gilid ng kama. “Have you already told Wayne?”

I nodded my head and my eyes began to sting with tears again. He looked at me with eyes full of pity na para bang nababasa niya na sa mukha ko kung ano ang nangyari.

“Therese, darling, will you go and ask Yaya to get Mommy a glass of water?” George gently asked.

“Okay!” Agad na lumundag pababa sa kama ang bata at tumakbo palabas.

“What happened? What did he say?” Tanong niya pagkalabas ni Therese.

“He thinks the baby might not be his. Sabi niya hindi niya aakuin ang bata hangga’t hindi niya napapatunayan na sa kanya ito…” I could feel the lump forming in my throat as I tried my best not to cry.

There was a look of surprise and confusion on George’s face. “Why does he think that? I have never even seen you with another guy.”

“I don’t know… Hindi niya lang siguro kayang diretsuhin ako na hindi niya kayang panindigan ang anak namin.” Wayne knew there was never anyone but him. I had never slept with any man, or even had a relationship with anyone other than him.

George’s jaw clenched in an attempt to hold back his emotions.

“Viezerik!” He exploded, cussing in his language. “If he doesn’t want my grandchild then my grandchild doesn’t need him!”

Hindi na napigil ang pagpatak ng luha ko. Ayaw kong ipagpilitan ang anak ko sa amang hindi naman siya ginusto. Ngayon pa lang kailangan ko na tanggapin na hindi siya magiging parte ng buhay ng magiging anak namin.

“Hush, sweetheart…” George’s face softened. He pulled me into a hug and rubbed my back as I cried. “You know I hate seeing you cry and all these negative emotions are not good for my kleinzoon”

“Naawa lang ako sa anak ko.”

“You shouldn’t be. Your baby is so lucky for having you as a mother, I’ve seen how you’ve loved and raised Therese. I know you’ll be the best mother to that child. Therese and I are here for you and the baby.” He kissed me on the forehead.

“Thank you, George…”

“That’s your little sibling.” The doctor said as she moved the transcuder, giving us a good glimpse of my baby. Nakaupo si Therese sa tabi ko, her brows were crumpled in confusion as she looked at the screen next to the bed.

“Where’s the baby?” She asked the doctor.

“There the baby.” The doctor pointed the cursor on the inside of the sack.

“That doesn’t look like a baby. That looks like a gummy bear.” Therese giggled.

Despite the tears, I couldn’t help but laugh too. I still couldn’t believe that there was already a life inside of me. A part of Wayne was already growing inside me. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t want anything to do with our child. I wanted this even before I knew I had this child.

“It does, doesn’t it?” Sabi ng doktor. “Six weeks pa lang kasi ang baby. It’s still tiny. Are you excited to be a big sister?”

“I’m super excited!” She said.

“Nakaisip ka na ba ng name para sa baby?”

“Hmm… Not yet.” She shook her head. “Oh I know! I’m going to ask Daddy Wayne, he’ll help me think of a name for the baby! He was the one who named my goldfish Clifford!”

Nawala ang mga ngiti sa labi ko ng banggitin ni Therese si Wayne. I didn’t think he would be too happy about it. He doesn’t want anything to do with our baby. I felt sorry for my baby. Hindi pa siya ipinapanganak sa mundo itinatanggi na siya ng ama niya.

I looked at my baby on the screen.

Sorry hindi kita mabibigyan ng Daddy pero huwag kang mag-alala, baby. Kahit wala kang Daddy mamahalin ka ni Mommy sa kahit anuman. Kahit hindi naging maayos ang lahat sa amin ng Daddy mo nagpapasalamat pa rin ako dahil nakilala ko siya, kasi kung hindi dahil sa kanya wala ka. Maiintindihan ko kung dumating ang araw na maghanap ka ng ama, I’ll tell you everything you want to know about your father. Baby, sana huwag sumama ang loob mo kay Mommy dahil lumaki kang walang Daddy, susubukan kong punuan lahat ng pagkukulang na iyon.I will do everything in my power to make sure you grow up with love, support and understanding you deserve. Mahal na mahal kita, Baby.

“Papa!” Agad na lumundang si Therese kay George ng makauwi kami. “I saw Mommy’s baby. It looked like a gummy bear.”

Natawa ng bahagya si George. “A gummy bear?”

“Yeah, a gummy bear! The doctor said it’s as tiny as a gummy bear, too!” She said, amusement in her voice.

“That’s intresting.”

“The doctor also said I’m going to be a big sister!”

“Yes, you are.” He pinched her cute button nose. “We’re going to take good care of Mommy’s baby. Just like how she took care of you.”

“Mmhmm!” Therese nodded her head.

Napangiti habang nakikinig sa kuwentuhan nilang dalawa. With Therese and George by my side, alam kong hindi magkukulang sa pagmamahal itong baby ko.

“What did the doctor say? How’s the little one?” Tanong ni George sa akin pagkatapos magkuwento ni Therese.

“Six weeks na daw siya. Healthy naman daw ang fetus.” I smiled. “Do you want to see my baby?”

“Of course, I want to!” He immediately answered.

Kinuha ko ang sonogram ng baby at pinakita kay George iyon.

“See, Papa! The baby looks like a gummy bear!” Sabi ni Therese habang nakatingin sila sa picture.

“Yes, it does…” George let out a hearty laugh. His eyes fixed on the sonogram picture, they radiated warmth as he looked at it. “My kleinkind is so beautiful. I cannot wait to meet my grandchild.”

Wayne’s POV

I sighed. I was sitting alone in the quiet confinement of my room. I swirled the glass of whiskey I had in my hand, my tired eyes fixed unseeingly on the golden liquid whirlpool I created. I hadn’t had a good sleep since she told me about her pregnancy. My bed still smelled like the last time fucked and I was too damn afraid to clean the sheets because that would mean that she was gone for good. I told myself that it was time to wake up and face the reality that it was time to let her go. I didn’t have to fucking go through it multiple times to understand that it still hurts the same.

The baby could be mine but it could also possibly be George’s. I felt like I was on edge of losing my mind. There was a huge possibly that I’m the father. We’d lived together for two months and in those two months, I hadn’t once used protection. It was an old habit I never got rid of. She was the first and only woman I had been with where I hadn’t use protection.

But other than me, there was also George. Kaya kong tanggapin si Therese. She happened before we met again, we hadn’t been together for years when she had her daughter. What I couldn’t accept was her fucking the old man while she fucking with me. What I couldn’t accept was her making a fool out of me. Ang tagal ko nang nagpakatanga sa kanya at hanggang ngayon ba naman ay gagaguhin niya ako? It wasn’t that I didn’t love her anymore… because I still do. I just couldn’t take hanging on every word that she pushes my way. To her, I was just a fall back plan. Ako ang gusto niyang sumalo sa kanya at sa magiging anak niya kapag nalaman ni George ang tungkol sa amin.

I was pulled away from my deep thought when my doorbell rang. My brows crumpled. Who would visit me this late at night? I placed the glass on top of the bedside table and went out of my room to answer the door. I looked through the peephole but saw no one. I opened the door and peeked my head out of the hallway. There was no one there. I was about to close the door when my eyes suddenly caught a brown paper on the floor in front of my door. My curiosity made me pick up the envelope and I went back in with it in my hand, closing the door behind me.

While walking to the living room, I opened the envelope. I took out what was inside of it, a black and white picture. I stared at it for a long moment, at first I was unsure of what to make out of the picture. But when it dawned on me what it was, I felt a surge of something I couldn’t explain. Something warm and tender filled my heart, spreading all throughout my body. It was a sonogram of a six week old fetus.

My legs felt like it couldn’t hold me so I sat down.

This is my child…

To others, this picture was just blob but to me, this was the most beautiful picture I had ever seen in my life. The pfirst picture of my child. I had never felt emotions as raw and beautiful as the emotions I felt while I looked at the picture. Tears stung the corner of my eyes. My chest felt heavy with all these undescribable feelings.

I didn’t notice I was already crying until droplets of tears fell onto the picture. Looking at the picture, I couldn’t find it in my heart to doubt if the baby was mine.

I took out another paper from the envelope and it had words written on it in big, bold letters:

THIS IS WHAT YOU’VE LOST, ASSHOLE.

Chapter Forty Six

Tanya’s POV

“Mommy, Papa George and I picked flowers for you and the baby.” She sat on the couch next to me and handed me some white daisies.

I took it from her and smiled. “Thank you, Therese.”

“Some are for the baby.” Kinuha niya ang kalahati ng bulaklak at ipinatong iyon sa tiyan ko. “Here you go, baby!”

“Magiging big sister ka na. Are you excited?” I asked.

“Super excited.” She beamed. “Did I live in your tummy too when I was a baby?”

Inayos ko ang ilang hibla ng buhok niya na tumatabing sa mukha at inipit iyon sa likod ng tainga niya. I looked at her with warm eyes. “You see Therese, you didn’t come from my tummy. You came from my heart.”

“What do you mean, Mommy?” She asked, her brows furrowing in confusion.

“You remember what your teacher said? That when two adults love each other they make a baby? This baby in my tummy…” I patted my belly. “Your Daddy Wayne and I made this.”

“Because you love each other?”

“Because we love each other.” I forced a smile.

“But who made me?”

“Papa George and your Daddy Wayne’s mom made you, you lived inside her tummy for a few months, just like your little sibling. Papa George gave you to me as soon as you got out of there and from then on, I took you to live in my heart.” I explained.

“I don’t underdstand.”

“You and I have the same father, Papa George and you and the Daddy Wayne share the same mom.”

“So you’re not my Mommy?” She pouted.

“I still am. You have two Mommies and two Daddies. Hindi ba mas okay yun?” I forced myself to sound cheery.

She nodded and I was relieved when she finally smiled.

“Where is she? How come I never see her?” Tanong ni Therese. She was naturally a smart and curious kid. I knew she would catch up on what I was saying.

“She’s working in a very far away place.” I said.

“Doesn’t she want to see me?”

“Sabik na sabik siyang makita at mayakap ka. Maybe someday she’ll pay you a visit.” I didn’t want her to know that her biological mother left her and had no intention of returning for her. She was the most precious gift that was every given to me, along with this child in my womb. I never want to make her feel like she wasn’t wanted. Iyon din ang ayaw kong maramadaman ng magiging anak namin ni Wayne.

Kung nagawa kong mapalaki ng maayos si Therese na halos ako lang ang mag-isa ay magagawa ko rin ito sa anak namin. We didn’t need Wayne…

Tears began to blind my eyes again. This pregnancy hormones were making me so emotional. I wiped the corners of it with my fingers before the tears fall. For the sake of the baby, kailangan kong alagaan ang sarili ko. They say the baby could feel what their mother’s emotion. I didn’t want to pass on this much stress to my child.

Gusto ko kahit nasa tiyan ko pa lang siya, wala siyang maramdaman kung hindi pagmamahal ko para sa kanya. I would give our child all the love I could give in this world.

“Even if I have two Mommies, you’re still my number one and my favorite Mommy.” She wrapped her arms around me.

“Oh, Therese…” I kissed her on the forehead. “I may not be the one who gave birth to you but you will always be my first baby.”

George came in front the backyard door. “Did you give your Mommy the daisies we picked for her and the baby?”

“Yeah. Mommy told me that I didn’t come from her tummy. I came from Daddy Wayne’s Mommy’s tummy and then you gave me to her so she can keep me in her heart.” She told George. “Whose tummy did I come from, Papa? What’s her name?”

George looked at me, as if asking for help. I nodded my head and smiled, telling him that she already knew. The little girl just needed to hear it from George. He sat on the single armchair across the couch. He let out a deep exhale.

“Your real mother’s name is Almira.” He gently said.

“You and her made me? Just like Mommy and Daddy Wayne made my little sibling?” Hinaplos niya ang tiyan ko.

“That’s right, sweetheart.” George nodded his head.

“I’m lucky because I have two Mommies and two Daddies.” Therese beamed.

George finally smiled. “Yes and we love you so much.”

“When is Daddy Wayne going to come back? We need to think of the name for my baby sibling.”

“He’s never going to come back. I hope that idiot burns in hell.” His jaw clenched.

“What, Papa?” Therese asked.

“Nothing, sweetheart.” His face softened again. “Wayne’s not coming back. It’ll be just you, Mommy, Papa, and my grandson.”

“But Papa, Mommy and Daddy Wayne are going to have a baby soon. We need him here so he could help with the baby.”

“Therese, you’re a big girl now. You can help take care of the baby, that’s what big sisters do, right?” I tried to keep my smile intact even when the thought of not having Wayne around for our baby breaks my heart.

“I will always be here for you, your Mommy, and for our new baby.” George said.

“Is he really not going to come back anymore?” Her eyes were filmed with tears.

“No.” George said with firm conviction. He’d have to go through hell first before he could come near Tanya and my grandson.“

Wayne’s POV

I hadn’t been sleeping or eating right. Itinanggi ko ang sarili kong anak. I knew that child was mine. I felt it from the very start but I ignore it because of my goddamn ego. Because I couldn’t accept that Tanya was sleeping with that old man while she slept with me. Because it hurt knowing that the child she was carrying could also possibly be his. I felt so fucking stupid.

I was afraid of giving her my vulnerability again. I didn’t want my heart to be completely resigned and at her mercy again. I was afraid of another heartache. Afraid of losing her again and I knew if I claimed the baby my own, it would break my heart even more once she leaves. Everything would disappear with her just like in the past. She would leave nothing but hurt, damnable, inescapable hurt. And every memory of her will intensify that hurt. She was my heaven and at the same time my hell in this earth. She was the only one who brings light in my life and the only one capable of taking it away from me. For me, there was only darkness and her.

Tanya was wearing a simple white shirt and a pair of new jeans. She was still mesmerizingly beautiful. Still the purest kind of beauty I had ever seen, the kind that chills men to the core. Soft and ever delicate. Her stomach was still flat but she was already starting to sport that pregnancy glow that outlined her beauty even more. 

Her attention was fixed on the paper she had in her hand and on the shelves of milk in front of her. Therese was playing by herself, hopping and running around like any bored kids would do, when she suddenly turned her head to my direction. I hid behind the noodle shelves. 

Hindi ko pa magawang maharap si Tanya pagkatapos ng ginawa ko. Nahihiya ako hindi lang sa kanya pati na rin sa anak ko. I didn’t how I could face the both of them after denying my own unborn child.

“Daddy Wayne?” Next thing I knew Therese was already standing in front of me. “What are you doing here?”

“Hey, munchkin.” I bend one knee down and hugged her. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” She rested her head on my shoulder. “Papa said you were never coming back. I think he’s mad at you.”

My jaw clenched when he mentioned that old man. Does he already know about us? Does he know that I’m the baby’s father? 

She lifted her head up and looked at me. “We’re going to have a baby soon. I’m going to be a big sister.”

“You are, huh?” My face and emotion shifted again. “How’s the baby?”

“I’ve already seen the baby in Mommy’s tummy when Mommy went to the doctor. The doctor said that the baby is still really tiny. We even have a picture. It looks like a gummy bear.” She giggled.

“What more did the doctor said? Is our baby healthy?” I eagerly asked. I should’ve been there with Tanya. I should’ve been the one who was beside her at that time. Ako dapat ang unang nakakita sa anak namin. If I weren’t just a fucking idiot!

“Yeah, the doctor said the baby is healthy.”

“What about Mommy? How is she?”

“She’s okay. Sometimes she gets dizzy and she gets tired alot but the doctor said it’s normal because there’s already a baby living inside her body, and it’s growing and it’ll grow until it’s big enough to come out.” Said Therese with an amused look on her face. 

I smiled even wider. “Are you excited to see your baby sibling?”

“Yeah, I’ll be the best big sister!”

“I know you will. Always take care of your Mommy and our baby, okay?”

“Is it true what Papa said? That you’re never coming back?” Therese asked.

“Munchkin, I just need a little more time. I’ll come back for you, Tanya, our baby. I promise. I’ll take back what is mine from the very beginning and I’ll never let anyone take it away from me.” I firmly said. 

“Yay! I knew you’d never leave us.” She threw her arms around me and embraced me. After awhile she pulled away. I turned my head to where Tanya was. She was looking around, trying to find Therese.

“You better go back. Hinahanap ka na ng Mommy.”

“Wait! I’ll tell her that you’re here and you’re-”

“No…” I gently pulled her back to me. “No one should know, okay? Not Mommy and not your Papa George. Let’s keep this a secret for now.”

“Okay!” She said.

“Now go back to your Mommy.” I told her.

She turned away and I watched as she hopped to where Tanya was standing. I heard her scolding Therese, telling her to not wander away from her. There was nothing more I wanted right now but to hug her. To feel her belly, where my child was, with my hand.

I couldn’t explain what I felt when Tanya walked into a baby boutique with Therese. She checked out some clothes and things for the baby. I badly wanted to be there beside her but I knew I couldn’t. All I could do was watch.

I followed them back home. Making sure I stay behind them where she wouldn’t be able to see me. I stopped my car a few blocks away from her house and saw Tanya and Therese getting out of the car. George stood in front of the door. Therese ran up to him and hugged him, George lifted the little girl in his arms. 

My fingers tightened on the steering wheel I was holding. That should’ve been my family, not his. I couldn’t bear the thought of him fathering my own child. I couldn’t bear the thought of him taking the life that should’ve been for me for the second time. I was so stupid for letting Tanya go and denying my own child. I was so stupid for giving up on her and my child. I let my jealousy and frustration and anger get the best of me. I should’ve fought for them and this time I would. 

My jaw clenched when George kissed Tanya on the forehead. Ibinaba niya sa Therese at pagkatapos ay sumakay sa isa pang kotse. The two went in and George drove off. I sat there and stared at the bungalow house with white picket fence. The flowers that was planted on the porch were already blooming beautifully. I blinked away the tears that was starting to sting my eyes. Hindi ko na hahayaaan na may maglayo pa sa akin kay Tanya lalo na ngayon na magkakaanak na kami.

It was time I fight for the woman that was supposed to be mine, for our child, and for our life together. I’d rather be exhausted from the endless struggle of winning over her than having to say that I never took on a battle at all.

It took me a few minutes of contemplating and pulling myself together before I got the courage to get out of my car. I could feel my heartbeat accelerating as I walked up to Tanya’s house. My heart was already slamming against my ribs as I stood in front of her door. I lifted my sweaty hand and pressed on the doorbell button.

My mind was running a mile a minute. What should I say? What should I do? I was sucked away from my thought when the door opened. Tanya stood in front of me. Her eyes widened in shock. She looked as though she had seen a ghost. 

“Ano’ng ginagawa mo dito?” She asked with her gentle voice.

“Tanya…” I softly said, my heart aching with longing. She was in my system, heavier than blood and harder than bones.

My eyes lowered to her stomach. Tears started coming out of my eyes and even if I wanted to, I couldn’t stop it. I dropped to  my knees and wrapped my arms around her waist. I rested my head against her belly and I felt a surge of something in my chest.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…” I was apologizing to her and to our unborn child. Her shirt was already wet with my tears.

Chapter Forty Seven

Wayne’s POV

“Wayne, tumayo ka nga d’yan.” She softly said, trying to pull me up but I remained on my knees.

“I didn’t mean everything I said. I’m an idiot. I’m so sorry, Angel.” I was bawling like a little kid who had badly scraped his knees. “Please, forgive me. Kahit ano’ng sabihin mo gagawin ko. Kahit ano susundin ko. Kung gusto mo kong saktan, saktan mo ko. Lahat gagawin ko, lahat ng galit mo tatanggapin ko. I just can’t lose you again, Tanya. I can’t…”

“Wayne…” Her voice broke with tears.

“Tell me you forgive me. Please, Angel… I promise, I will make it up to you and our baby. I’ll never let you go again. I love you and our baby and I can’t imagine not having you in my life. You’re the only thing that made sense to me from the very beginning. I need you. Mahal na mahal kita, Tanya.”

She brushed her fingers through my hair soothingly. I lifted my eyes up at her and our gaze met. Her doe-like eyes were coated with tears. When she looked deep into my eyes and a tender smile appeared on her lips, it was as if my whole world had stopped. The part of me that I had lost, I found in her again.

“Tumayo ka na nga d’yan.” She wiped my tears away.

“Tell me you forgive me. Please, I need to hear it from you.” I desperately begged.

“I’ve already forgiven you. Ayaw ko magdala ng galit sa dibdib ko para sa ama ng anak ko. Hindi ko pa siya nakikita o nahahawakan mahal ko na ang anak natin. Our baby’s a part of you and I can’t hate you because of that.”

Despite the endless tears, I managed to break a smile. I kissed her stomach and gently caressed it. “Baby, sana mapatawad mo din ang Daddy. I made a huge mistake. I hope someday you won’t hate me for all the things I had said. I was confused and angry. At that time, I felt like getting mad at your Mom was the only way I could feel sad and strong at the same time. I’m so sorry. Mahal na mahal kita ni Daddy, this is what I would want you to always remember.”

I showered her stomach with kisses as she continued stroking my hair. She posseses the gentlest touch for the broken soul. Tanya pulled me up after a few moment.

“Tanya…” I cupped her face with my hands. Her face radiated her beauty, the beauty that whispers ever so subtly to my soul. The beauty that revealed not only her physical beauty but the beauty of her heart. The beauty that I fell in love with, the one that captured my heart and soul first before entrancing my eyes. “I don’t want to lose you again. Do you remember the plans we had when we were younger? Hindi pa huli ang lahat para magawa natin ang lahat ng iyon. Let’s make it happen… When you’re with me I know everything’s going to be okay and even if it’s not, then at least you’re with me. When you’re gone I feel like my body is missing a piece of itself. I can’t do without you. I can’t let you go. You’re the only one who can quiet my mind so I can sleep at night because you turn my nightmares into dreams. Your hand is the only hand I want to hold when I’m old and gray. I want to love you until the very last of my breath.”

She bit her bottom lip to keep herself from sobbing. It all went silent. Her soul and my soul, every string that held that both together and finally we became one again. Our broken pieces fitted back together. It was only her that I wanted. Just her and I together. There would never be an amount at which I love her enough.

“Mahal na mahal kita, Tanya.” I pressed my lips against hers. “Please, give us a chance.”

“Wayne, mahal na mahal din kita…” She murmured against my lips.

I pulled my lips away from her. “Sumama ka na sa akin. Kayo ni Therese. Magsimula tayo ng panibago kasama ang magiging anak natin.”

“Saan tayo pupunta?” She asked, her brows furrowing.

“Anywhere away from here. We could build our dreamhouse together. A small house with three bedrooms and a huge backyard where our kids would play.” I brushed away some loose strands of her hair with my fingers. “I’m begging you, Angel. Sumama ka na sa akin. Iwan mo na si George.”

She blinked and looked at me as though I said something insane. “Gusto mong iwan ko si George?”

“We’re going to have a baby soon. I don’t want another man to father my own child… Tanya, nagmamakaawa ako sa’yo. Ako naman ang piliin mo. Ako naman ang mahalin mo.”

“Vuile Teringslijer!” I heard an angry voice from behind me. Next thing I knew George was grabbing me by the back of my shirt. I turned to face him and before I could even see him, his fist landed on my face. Tanya screamed. I tumbled back, lost my balance and fell to the ground. He was still strong for an old man. “What are you doing here, you bastard?”

My eyes narrowed to him as I wiped the corner of my mouth. Before I could even get up, he kicked me in the fucking stomach. I let out a groan.

“George! Tama na!” Tanya shrieked and hugged him from behind.

“I’m going to kill that bastard, you’ll see!” He angrily said.

“You dirty fucking old man!” Still in pain, I forced myself up. I grabbed him by the collar and pushed him against a wall.

“Wayne, bitawan mo siya!” Tanya screamed but I ignored her.

I saw red as I looked at George. The man who had taken my place. The man who made the woman I love a mistress.

“I’m taking back what’s truly mine and you can’t do anything about! Tanya is already pregnant with my child!” My teeth gritted and my jaw clenched.

“The child is not yours, you bastard.” He growled. “I won’t let you have her! You’d to kill me first before you could take Tanya away from me!”

“Then I fucking will!”

“Ano ba? Tumigil na nga kayo!” Tanya tried to pull my hand off of George. “Wayne, bitiwan mo siya!”

“Go ahead! Kill me! I dare you! Do it, fool!”

“How dare you! How dare you make her your fucking mistress!” I pressed him harder against the wall. My anger built up like a baloon being pumped full of air and it exploded all over. “Tanya is mine! She had always been mine! I’ll make you pay for what you did to her!”

I lifted my fist up and was about to punch him.

“Wayne…” Tanya’s grip on me loosened. She clutched onto her stomach. “Wayne…”

“Tanya…” I quickly let go of George. “W—what’s wrong?”

“Ang sakit ng tiyan ko.” She crouched down. “Wayne, ang baby natin…”

I exhaled a cuss and I held her. Her face paled and she began to pant in pain.

“Sweetheart…” George’s voice was filled with worry. “Don’t worry. Nothing bad will happen to the baby. We’ll get you to the hospital.”

I lifted Tanya and carried her into my arms. George ran out to his car and opened the backdoor. I came rushing into the car and I sat on the backseat. George took Therese to the next door neighbor, a nice old woman, before slipping into the car.. Tanya’s head rested on my lap. I stroked her hair and it was wet with her sweat. She was breaking out in cold sweats. If I could, I would take every pain she was feeling right now. I told her to calm down and that our baby was going to be fine even though I was as scared her and I was panicking inside.

We rushed her to the hospital and the nurses were quick to attend to us. I carried her and gently put her on a wheelchair. The nurses pushed her wheelchair in and I didn’t let go of her hand. She was placed on a hospital bed in the emergency room.

“Wayne, ang baby natin.” She sobbed.

“Shh… our baby will be okay. Just try to calm down.” I soothinly told her as I stroke her tummy.

“Sir, kailangan niyo po munang lumabas. Ichecheck po ni Doktora ang pasyente.” A nurse said as she pulled the curtains close around her bed.

“Wayne…” She whimpered.

“Angel, I’m here.” I lowered my head to her belly and hugged her. “It’ll be okay. Hang in there, baby.”

“Excuse me po, sir…” A nurse tapped my shoulder.

I kissed her stomach and I lifted my head to kiss Tanya on the lips. “I’ll just be outside. Nandito lang ako, Angel. I’m not going to leave.”

She nodded her head.

With heavy heart and feet, I walked out of the small cubicle. Tears stung my eyes as I thought of the baby and Tanya. I would never forgive myself if something bad happens to any of them.

I was lost in my thought when I felt something hit me on the back of my head. “You scum bag! This is all your fault! If it wasn’t for you, Tanya wouldn’t be here in the hospital.”

When I turned, I was met with George’s angry eyes staring back at me with such fury. “If something bad happens to my daughter and grandchild I will kill you! I swear to all Gods, I will have your head on a pike!”

“W-what?” I doubted myself if I was hearing what he was saying right. “I… Daughter? Grandchild?”

“You moron!” He punched me square on the jaw. “You stupid idiot!” He punched me again. “You imbecile! You good for nothing, son of a bitch! I don’t know what my daughter saw in you!”

Chapter Forty Eight

“You are a disgusting pig! You really thought that my own daughter was my mistress!” George scowled. “Where in hell did you get that idea?”

“The night we met… I overheard someone talking about Tanya, they were saying that she was your mistress.” I quietly said. George was Tanya’s father all along. My mind couldn’t quite process what I had found out. “I didn’t know.”

“And you believed them, you bastard? You really think that she is that kind of woman?” He was glaring at me like a dirt at the bottom of his shoe. 

“I didn’t know…“I silently said as it gradually sunk into me. 

“That’s your best excuse? You’ve put my daughter and my grandchild’s life in danger because you didn’t know!” He slammed his hand against my chest, making me topple a few steps back. 

“I’m sorry.” I raked my fingers through my throbbing head. Guilt flooded over me. I believed what I heard about Tanya. I was ashamed because I believed and I mistakenly though the worst of her when I should be the one defending her from all those people. But instead, I judged her like they all did. She was my Tanya. My angel. Ako ang mas higit na nakakakilala sa kanya. I should’ve trusted her love for me. Our love for each other.

“You’ll truly be sorry if, God forbid, something bad happens to them.” There was an unmistakable edge of warning in his voice. Then he turned and walked away, leaving me alone with my own thoughts. 

Tears began to well up my eyes again. I wiped it off before it could have the chance to fall I thought the worst of the woman I love. How could I be stupid? How could I not know? The pain spread throughout my chest. I would never forgive myself if something bad happens to them. These all happened because of my stupidity. Because I failed to trust my own Angel. God, I was willing to lose everything. Everything. But not her and our baby. 

I waited for over half an hour. George came back and he sat quietly on the hospital bench. We never said a word to each other.

“Kaano-ano kayo ng pasyente?” A middle-aged woman wearing a white coat came out of the room. She was the doctor, I assumed.

“I’m her father.” George answered.

“I’m the father of the baby.” I said. 

“No, you’re not!” He hissed. “You have no right over my grandchild. You’re not the father, you said it yourself, didn’t you?”

“George, I made a mistake…”

“You can’t just change your mind and decide you want to be the father of my daughter’s child after you’ve rejected them. You do not deserve Tanya or my grandchild.”

I swallowed. “Please, give me another chance. I love Tanya and our baby. I want to see them, I want to know if they’re okay.”

George shook his head, he wore a grimace as he looked at me. “You know what you deserve? You deserve to be treated like the scum you are!”

The doctor let out a fake cough to break the tension. “The patient’s abdominal pain was caused by stress. Masama po sa buntis ang naiistress lalo na at first trimester ng pagbubuntis niya. Pwedeng maka-apekto yun sa batang dinadala niya. I don’t want to meddle with your personal problems but as the patient’s doctor, I would advise you to not argue in front of my patient.”

“Did you hear that?” George glared at me. “Kung may awa ka sa anak mo at kay Tanya, stay away from them.” 

“They’re both okay, right?” I asked the doctor.

“Yes, they are.” The doctor nodded her head. “The patient just needs to stay here in the hospital for a day or two so we can observe her.”

“Can I see her now?” George asked.

The doctor nodded her head. 

George went in to see Tanya. I wanted to see her too and make sure she was okay. I wanted to hold her hands. To kiss and hug her, to apologize for thinking badly of her. But instead, I stayed outside. George didn’t want me to see them and I didn’t want to argue with him. It would stress Tanya out and as the doctor said, stress won’t do her and my child any good. It was enough for me to hear that they were both fine. I silently thanked God for keeping them safe. 

Tanya was transfered to a hospital suite. George didn’t allow me in so I just stayed outside. This was the nearest I could possibly be to her. I was contented with the knowledge that Tanya and my child were inside the room, both okay and safe from any harm. 

The door clicked open and George stepped out, giving me the coldest of stares. “She wants to see you.”

A smile appeared on my lips at what he said. Warmth spread from my chest throughout my whole body. I eagerly stood up and was about to come in when he blocked my way. 

“If you hurt my girl again I will kill you.” He said in a low growl. 

I went in and saw her lying in the hospital bed. Our gaze met as I slowly walked towards her. I never took my eyes off her as I sat on the chair next to her bed. I looked at her like she’d vanish if I stopped staring. God, she was beautiful. I could just stare at her for a single second and find a thousand things that I love about her.  I took her hand in mine, it was warm and welcoming. 

“I’m sorry, Angel.” I tried hard not to let my voice crack but it did anyway. I kissed her hand. 

“Did you really think I was George’s mistress?” She tried so hard to mask the pain in her voice but I knew her too well.

I slowly nodded my head. “I’m sorry, Tanya. I’m so sorry. I thought the worst of you.”

“I thought you knew that George is my father.”

“Not until today.” I whispered ever so softly, my voice shaky. “God, I should’ve trusted you. Sa’yo dapat ako naniwala hindi sa sabi-sabi ng ibang tao.”

“I guess people assumed I was his mistress because I was never introduced as his daughter. George never kept me a secret to other people but the Sullivans’ wanted to keep me hidden. Ayaw kong magulo ang pamilya ni George kaya pinili ko na lang din manahimik. I decided to instead to pursue my studies. Iyon naman talaga ang gustong mangyari, iyon ang ipinangako ko kay Nanay noon. Na magtatapos ako sa pag-aaral.” She said with a sad, nostalgic smile.

“But I thought your father has already passed away before we even met.”

“That was my step-father.” She answered. “Nalaman ko lang ang tungkol sa totoong ama ko ng mabasa ko iyon sa diary ng Nanay.”

“Then who’s Therese’s father?” I felt an unexpected surge of jealousy. I tried not to let it show but I couldn’t help it. “Who’s the lucky bastard that had you?”

She gently cupped my face and looked at me with her soft doe-like eyes. “There had never been any man other than you Wayne. Ikaw lang noon at ikaw lang din hanggang ngayon. Wayne, Therese is not my real daughter.”

She was nobody’s woman but mine. I should’ve known from her kisses, I should’ve felt it from her touch. No one had ever laid a hand on what was mine. She had kept her promise.

“Wayne, Ikaw lang ang lalaking minahal ko at tanging lalaking mamahalin ko.” She placed a gentle kiss on my forehead and I had to close my eyes to stop the tears from escaping. There was something particularly beautiful about the way she loved me even when I was not worth loving. She didn’t back away when I was at my lowest and most unworthy but instead, she understood. I couldn’t believe that after every mistake I made, I still had some luck when it came to finding my way back to her. Having her soft, warm palm against my skin, her breathing on me, I count this something of a miracle. 

“Oh, angel…” I opened my eyes and held her gaze as my heart ached with pure love. “I love you too. I love with every inch of my body, every ounce of my soul and every beat of my heart. I know I’ve messed up but I promise that from now on, I will love you the way you deserve to be loved. I will love you perfectly. I will love you like it’s the only thing I know how to do.”

“Wayne…” Her eyes watered again.

“Don’t cry. It’s not good for our baby…” I gently said, wiping away the tears from her eyes.

“These are just happy tears.” She smiled and sniffed. I pulled her to me and she rested her head over my chest.

“Iyon ba ang dahilan kung bakit ka umalis noon? Dahil nalaman mo ang tungkol sa totoong ama mo? Is that why you took the money? Dapat sinabi mo sa akin. I could’ve helped you find your father. We wouldn’t have had to waste all these years apart.”

“I never took anything.”

“But Dad said…”

“Your Dad offered it to me but I didn’t take it.”

“Then why did you leave?” I asked.

“Because I got scared, Wayne. Naniwala din ako sa mga sinasabi nila, na iiwan mo din ako kapag nagsawa ka sa akin. You were the only one I had at that time. Kapag nawala ka sa akin, mawawala na rin ang lahat sa akin. Natakot akong dumating ang araw na iyon kaya ako na ang unang nang-iwan. I’m so sorry, Wayne. Nagkamali din ako. But please, believe me. Hindi ko kayang ipagbili ang pagmamahal ko sa’yo. Kahit kailan hindi ko magagawa iyon.” 

“Shh… I believe you. Ikaw lang ang paniniwalaan ko. Wala nang iba.” I whispered.

There’s something more you need to know about Therese…“ She said. It went silent for a few second as I waited for her to say something. “She’s our sister.”

“Our?” I asked, quite surprised.

“Yes… anak si Therese ng Mommy mo, si Almira, at ni George.”

I involuntarily took a sharp breath in. “H-how?”

“She was George’s employee. They had an affair and she ended up getting pregnant. Si Therese ang naging bunga nun. Iniwan niya si Therese kay George at katulad ko ay hindi rin siya tinanggap ng pamilya ni George. I decided to take her and raise her as  my daughter.”

 That explained the fondness I had always felt for Therese. She was my sister, my mother’s daughter with George. It made me mad knowing that Almira had again abandoned another child of her. She was still the same self-centered woman I knew. The one who had thought me that love was a burden. The woman who never failed to remind me that I was her burden, I was her bag of stones. 

And then there was Tanya. I still remember the first time I saw her. She was the kind of beauty that gently makes its way inside your heart like snowflakes softly falling to the ground. Silent, subtle, fragile to touch but nonetheless breathtakingly beautiful. I still remember how soothingly I found it, how much her mere presence calmed me. She was the one, the first and only person, who showed me real, genuine, love that it hurt and changed me to the core. She made me feel alive. I didn’t know it was possible to feel that strongly for someone. The love we had for each other was unconditional, undeniable, and above all beautiful. She showed me the best kind of love there is and I loved her more for that.

“Hinanap ka ni George dahil gusto niyang magkakilala kayo ni Therese. He didn’t know about our past and yet fate had its way of intervening. Just when I stopped hoping that you and I will end up with each other that’s when you came into my life again.”

“The universe fought for our souls to be together. We knew where to find each other again. You are the last and only love of my life, Tanya. You are the other half of me I’ve struggled many lifetimes to find again.” I kissed her hand. “Don’t ever leave me again, Tanya…”

“I won’t.” She said, promise in her voice. “Not in this lifetime and any other.”

We were two imperfect people who found the most perfect love. Maybe this was how it was meant to be. Maybe those years we were apart was there so we could shape our pieces so they could fit better with each other. We didn’t know back then that it would take time. We had to go through a lot for us to deserve and appreciate this. Experience had hone us to be the person that the two of us deserved to have. This was the beauty of every great love that had graced time.

“Marry me, Tanya.”

“Wayne!” She held her hand over her mouth in shock.

“Magpakasal na tayo. I don’t want to waste another day without you. Marry me, Tanya. I want to fall into you, into your love every single day.”

“I… I’ll marry you.” She sobbed and I wiped her tears away. 

I kissed her passionately, like it was the last time that I’d ever feel my lips against hers. Her kiss was the warming embrace my lips had longed for. 

“Ehem!” Tanya quickly pulled away from me when we heard a cough.

“George…” She quietly said.

Chapter Forty Nine

“I know I made a mistake. I let my jealousy swallow me. But believe me, George, I love Tanya. I have never loved anyone as much as I love her.” I looked at her tenderly as she sat on her hospital bed gazing at me with her doe-like eyes. The eyes that spoke to me, the eyes that saw through me, the eyes that brought so much happiness in my life. I took her hand and brought it to my lips before returning my eyes to George. “And I’m going to love her more than I ever had before. Those ten years I didn’t have her in my life was hell. I don’t want to waste another day without her. I’m not going to let her go again, especially now that she’s carrying my child.”

“George, mahal ko si Wayne.” She silently said, squeezing my hand. “May mga naging pagkakamali din ako kaya hindi ko siya masisisi. I left him ten years ago. Hinayaan kong lamunin ako ng takot ko. Ayaw kong mawala ulit siya sa akin. Kailangan ko siya, kailangan siya ng anak namin at ni Therese. Ikaw din ang nagsabi na gusto mong magkaroon sila ng kumpletong pamilya.”

George face softened when she spoke. “I did, sweetheart. But he denied his own son, my grandson! He hurt you.”

“Ako ang mas may malaking kasalanan sa kanya. I left him years ago. Bumalik siya sa buhay ko at patuloy niya akong minahal. He had always loved me despite of what he thought I was. Pero sa pangalawang pagkakataon, sinaktan ko ulit siya. I pushed him away dahil pinangunahan na naman ako ng takot ko. I didn’t know how to tell you about us. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sasabihin sa’yo na nagsasama na kami.You need someone to take care of you and Therese. Lalo na ngayon sa sitwasyon mo.” She said.

“Oh honey. Hindi ka dapat natakot. There’s nothing more I want than for you to settle down and have your own family. You’ve done nothing but to take good care of Therese. You’ve selflessly dedicated your whole life to raising her. I just feel bad because now it seems like you forgot to take care of yourself . Hindi dapat kita binigyan ng ganong responsibilidad.” A hint of guilt and pity crossed his eyes.

“You didn’t give the responsibility to me. I was the one who whole-heartedly took Therese in. Hindi mo naman din kami pinabayaan, you’ve been a good father to us. I don’t want you to blame yourself.”

“George, give me a chance. I’ll prove myself to you, to Tanya, and to our baby.” My eyes lowered fondly at Tanya’s belly. I reached down and touched her stomach. “I regret what I did to her and our baby but I’ll regret it even more if I let go of them. I won’t give them up, George. I want to give our child a complete family.”

“You’re still an asshole.” He said in a low snarl.

“I can’t argue with that.” I nodded my head.

“And I still hate you but I want my daughters happy…” He sighed with resignation.

“Is this your way of giving us your blessing?” I asked, stroking Tanya’s hair.

He cocked a brow. “Maybe.”

“I love Tanya. I love her, our baby, and Therese.”

“I love them too so please take good care of them. I am in no position to judge you as I’ve had my shortcomings as a father to them.”

“They don’t need to know. It was enough that Therese and I knew and we knew that you love us with everything you have.” Tanya smiled, her eyes watering with tears.

“I never kept my girls a secret, Wayne.” George looked at me quietly. “If someone asks, I openly tell them that they are my daughters. I still have not formally introduced them to the public but I never once denied them. I just wanted to give them a normal life. Especially Therese. She’s still young and I don’t want her to get mixed in this circus that I am in. Maliit ang mundong ginagalawan natin, Wayne. Everyone around me knew they’re my daughters. I’ve kept them private but not a secret.”

“I’m… I’m sorry.” My eyes lowered with shame.

“My daughters are the most precious thing in this world. Tanya loves you and Therese adores you. As much as I hate to admit it, they need you, Wayne.”

“Is it true that Almira is Therese’s mother?” I wanted to hear it from him.

“Yes… yes, it is true.” The old man nodded his head. “She worked as a consultant in my company. She’s a very intelligent woman, very vibrant, confident, she always knows what she wants. I didn’t know she had a family. I only found out about her past when I had her investigated. She was so young when she had you. Only seventeen. She married your father because she was already pregnant with you.”

“She left when I was a kid. My Dad has a family of his own now with the same woman she’s been cheating on my mother with. Almira abandoned me. She said I was a burden to her…” I tried so hard to hide the slice of pain I felt in my throat.

“Wayne, I’m sorry.” Tanya seemed to have noticed what I had been trying hard to hide. She gave me a kiss on the top of my shoulder before resting her head on top of it. How extraordinary that her touch could stop the flow of pain. With just her touch, she could speak to me in a hundred silent ways.

I pressed a kiss on the side of her hair, whispering a soft “I love you” against it. “It doesn’t matter now. I have you and Therese and we’re going to have a baby soon.”

“Hindi na ulit kita iiwan.”

“I know… and I won’t ever let you go.”

Tanya’s POV

Nakayakap si Wayne sa akin, nakahilig ang ulo sa tiyan ko. I was released from the hospital and the doctor told me to get plenty of rest. Our baby was out of any possible harm. I didn’t think Wayne had any plans to let go as he seemed to be drifting to sleep. Inalagaan niya ako. Nag-usap kami. I told him everything that happened in those ten years we weren’t together. He did the same. We were trying to fill all those years we weren’t with each other.

I lightly brushed back some of the hairs that covered his face. He was so handsome. Hindi na ko makapaghintay na makita ang magiging anak namin. Sino kaya ang mas magiging kamukha niya? Ako o ang Daddy niya?

Wayne opened his eyes and looked up at me. “Angel? You should be resting…”

“I am…” I smiled.

He kissed my stomach. “I still can’t believe we’re going to have a baby soon. I’m excited to meet our child.”

“Me too. Naiimagine ko na agad ang itsura niya. Sigurado akong kamukhang-kamukha mo siya.”

“I want our baby to be more like you. Your soft beauty, your heart full of compassion and gentleness. I want our child to have all those.” He lifted his body up to level with me. Hinaplos niya ang pisngi ko. “I can’t wait to wake up to our children jumping on the bed. I can’t wait to watch our sons while they play soccer and football. Or take our daughters to their ballet, singing or whatever class they wanted to go to. I will let them know that the stars are like their dreams, they can have millions of them and each one is bright. They will know without a doubt that we love them and we want nothing but the best for them.”

“Oh Wayne… akala ko hindi na darating ang araw na ito.” Nag-init ang sulok ng mga mata ko. “I regret leaving you back then. Sorry for letting my fear swallow me. You gave me a love too deep, too strong and it was too much for me to handle.You were all I had and I was scared of losing you. Nagsimula akong tanungin ang sarili ko kung sino na ako kapag nawala ka sa buhay ko. Lalong lumaki ang takot ko sa sinabi ng Daddy mo sa akin noon. The love you gave me defined everything that I was. I got scared because I thought I’d be nothing without you. Kapag nawala ka pa sa akin, wala na din ako.”

“Hush, angel…” He whispered into my ear. “I forgive you. I understand now.”

“Mahal na mahal kita, Wayne. After all this years, ikaw at ikaw lang ang lalaking minahal at mamahalin ko. Alam kong ikaw lang. Kahit noong mga panahon na nawalan na ako ng pag-asa na magkikita pa ulit tayo. Even after I accepted the fact that we can’t be together again, that it just wasn’t the same as before and you will never love me like you did back then.”

“I’ve always loved you, I never stopped loving you, and I never will no matter what happens. Ikaw lang. You know there’s a theory that in a finite amount of time the universe will end and everything will cease to exist. All the atoms in the world will grow so apart that there will be nothing left. But having you here in my arms, looking at you in the eyes, I figured some things don’t have a beginning or an end. Like us. Our bodies may have only met ten years ago but our souls know each other even before the beginning of everything. And even if the universe disappears into nothingness there will still be those eyes staring at me. There will be my chest and my arms and my lips still burning for you. No matter how this world ends or begin again, this moment will stay.” He took my hand and slipped a ring in my ring finger. It was the promise ring I gave back to him. “You, me and our love are infinite.”

I caressed his cheeks with hands and pulled him into a kiss. “Thank you, Wayne… Salamat sa pagmamahal na ibinigay mo sa akin.”

“And thank you for carrying my child, Angel. Thank you for giving me a second chance.” He nuzzled his head in the crook of my neck. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” I answered back.

“Wayne, I really thought you knew that George is my father. Do you remember? Yung sinabi mo sa akin noon tungkol kay Therese, tungkol sa pagiging anak niya sa labas… That time I thought you already knew…”

“I didn’t but I’m sorry for assuming the worst of you.”

She pressed a gentle kiss on my lips, telling me that I was forgiven.

“The house next door is up for sale.” He propped his elbow lifting his body up. “I’ve already contacted the owner and told her that I’m interested in buying her house.”

“Bakit pa? We already have a house. Hindi ba ito yung pinangarap natin na bahay? Huwag mong sabihin gusto mong humiwalay sa amin?” I asked, playing with the few strands of his hair that fell to his face.

“I’m just going to expand the house. Hindi magkakasya ang sampung anak natin dito.” He said.

“Sampu?” Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa gulat. “I thought we’ve already talked about this. Lima lang!”

“You have to make up for all those years we’ve been apart. Ten’s not that much.” He grinned. “I mean we have Therese and baby number two’s on the way. We only have eight more to go. Sayang naman yung mga practice natin…”

“Ikaw talaga puro ka kalokohan.” I chuckled.

“I’m serious. You owe me ten children, Angel.” His grin was etched on his face. Inilapit niya ang mukha niya sa akin at binigyan ako ng maliliit na halik sa mga labi. I gently nipped his lower lip with my teeth. He groaned and answered back with a deep and passionate kiss.

“Daddy Wayne!” The door opened with a loud thud. Tumatakbong pumasok sa Therese at tumalon sa kama.

“Careful.” Wayne caught him in his arms. “Mommy just got out of the hospital. We have to be very careful around the baby.”

“Okay!” She answered and then kissed him on the cheek. “I missed you, Daddy Wayne.”

“I missed you too, munchkin.” Wayne hugged the little girl.

“Do you know that we have the same mom? Papa and Mommy told me!” She excitedly said.

“Yes, I do.” Pilit ang ngiting sabi ni Wayne.

“Isn’t that cool? Have you seen our Mom?” She asked.

“Yes…”

“I’ve never met her before. What’s she like, Daddy Wayne?” Therese was being the usual curious little girl she was.

“She’s… she’s beautiful. You actually have her eyes.” Wayne smiled a genuine, nostalgic smile. “She bakes. She loves to bake, especially on the weekends.”

“Like cakes and cookies.”

“Yes. Her cookies were my favorite. She used to make me cookies and a glass of milk and I’d have it while we read books together.”

“She seem like a nice Mom. I want to meet her someday.”

“Yeah, maybe someday.” Wayne said.

I took Wayne’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. He looked at me and smiled. I knew he had already found forgiveness in his heart.

“Well, are you moving in with us again, Daddy?”

“Wayne needs to go home. It’s getting late.” George stood near the door of Tanya’s room.

“George…” I quietly said.

“Just because he got you pregnant it doesn’t mean he gets a free pass to stay the night.” George tucked his hands inside his pockets and looked at Wayne. “You. Go home.”

“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow. Good night.” Tumingin sa akin si Wayne bago ako hinalikan sa noo.

“Are you leaving again, Daddy Wayne?” Therese pouted.

“I’ll be back tomorrow.” Sabi ni Wayne sa bata bago ito hinalikan sa pisngi. “Good night.”

“You promise?”

“Promise.” He smiled. “Take care of your Mommy and our baby. Be a good big sister while I’m gone.” Bumaba ang ulo ni Wayne sa tiyan ko at hinalikan iyon. “Baby, Daddy will see you tomorrow, okay? I love you so, so much.”

“Fine.” George feigned an annoyed exhale. “You can stay but Therese stays in the room too.”

“Yes!” Masayang sabi ni Wayne bago muling yumakap sa tiyan ko. “You heard that, baby? Daddy staying with you, your Mommy, and your ate Therese.”

“What is ate, Mommy?” She asked.

“It means big sister.” I gently said, tucking some strands of her hair behind her ears.

Therese’s face lit. “I’m an Ate now!”

“Yes, you are and I know you’re going to be a good one.” Wayne said with a wide smile on his face.

Wayne’s POV

Tanya looked heavenly in her white silk wedding gown. The fabric followed her soft figure. My soon-to-be wife never made any attempt to hide her growing belly. She proudly displayed her fifteen-week-old baby bump. I just stared at her in awe, marvelling at the majestic sight standing right at the open double wooden door of the church. The light behind her bathed her, making her seem like she was glowing. Like an angel who had descended from above. Her otherworldly beauty brought me under an enchancement and for a slip second, all I could do was stare. She was a sight to behold. Her beauty was of the powerful but delicate kind which everyone could feel but which no language could ever describe.

She flashed a smile on me when our gaze met. My eyes began to instantly water with tears when I came to the realization that the woman I love more than life itself would soon be my wife and the mother of my child.

Standing next to her was her father, George. Her arms were encircled around his arm. The music began to play and people paid no attention to anything but lovely bride. They slowly walked down the aisle and she never once took her eyes off me. I never took mine off her. She was all I wanted to look at.

They reached the end of the aisle and stopped in front of me. George looked at me with tear glazed eyes.

“I am handing my daughter to you. Be good and take care of her.” His voice cracking.

“I will, sir.” I answered.

George gave me Tanya’s hand and the moment I held her hand, I felt her soul and her love. It filled me with a warmth that told me I was home. At that moment, there was not nothing in the world that could’ve stopped my heart from feeling what it was feeling. I wiped away the tears that settled on the corners of her delicate eyes. She was beautiful and she was mine.

We made our way to the altar and there we stood in front of the small crowd of people who were very close and dear to us. This was how we wanted it. Small, simple, and intimate.  The ceremony began and I held her hands the whole time, my eyes fixed on her.

“Wayne, alam kong ilang beses ko na nasabi sa’yo ito pero gusto kong ulitin para kahit kailan hindi ito mawala sa isip mo. Ikaw ang lalaking unang minahal ko at ikaw lang ang mamahalin ko. Hindi ako magsasawang ipaaalala sayo iyon. Iniwan kita noon dahil pakiramdam ko hindi ako buo, na may nawawala sa buhay ko. Gusto ko kasi kapag binigay ko na ang sarili ko sa’yo kaya ko na ibigay iyon ng buong-buo. Wala nang pag-aalinalangan sa puso ko. I tried to find myself somewhere else but my heart lead me back to you. The thing about hearts is that they have a mind of their own. Alam ng puso ko kung saan ka hahanapin. My heart lead me back to you at sa’yo ko muling mahahanap ang sarili ko. I traveled across the earth to try to find myself only to end up back to you. You are my beginning and my end. I’m sorry it took me having to leave to realize that. Ibinalik mo ang lahat ng nawala sa buhay ko. You are the other half of me. The only man I see myself building a family and spending the rest of my life with. Someone once told me that important words must be said three times to hold true. One for the speaker, one for the listener, and one for the rest of the world. I love you, Wayne Cameron St. Croix. I love you. I love you.”

I blinked away the tears that coated my eyes when she slipped the ring on my finger. Her eyes too were already welled with tears. After slipping the finger on me, I hugged her and kissed her on the forehead, whispering I love you in her ear.

“Our love became a language that cannot be translated by anyone but us. I tried to find the words to explain it but I fall short everytime. Your love has crafted me into a poet giving me a poetic bloodline but still I couldn’t find the perfect similes or metaphors that could ever describe my love for you but I will try. You are everything I am missing but you’re everything that I am. You are my very being. A day will come when we’ll be eighty lying in bed, holding each other’s hands and death will consume us. There will be nothing but darkness for awhile and a life will be born again. I am fond of believing in the thought that somewhere in another life, we will find each other again and we will love each other the way we always have. What we have is so real that it has no end. Tanya, angel, thank you for coming into my life. Everything I’ve ever wished for, everything I shouted out into the world had come back to me in your form. My soul has traveled a thousand journey to meet yours. Our stars align in every lifetime but sometimes they align more perfectly than the others. But in every lifetime we had ever lived we have chosen to come back to each other and fall in love over and over and over again. I have loved you since the beginning of everything. I have loved you as we wandered on into life separately, and I have loved you every day since you came back to me. If this was the last thing I got to tell you, this is what I would say. I loved you yesterda. I love you today. And I’ll love you for all eternity. I have loved you for a very long time and I can’t see myself ever stopping.” I slipped a wedding band on her.

“You may now kiss the bride.” The priest said.

I wiped away the tears that flowed generously down her cheeks with my thumbs before I lowered my lips to hers. Love surged through every part of me the moment our lips locked.

I decided to take Tanya to the vineyard villa I own in the quiet town of St. Tropez in France for our honeymoon. Besides running bars, nightclubs, and lounges, I also have my own wine and brandy label and this was where they were all made. She instantly fell in love with the place the instant she saw it.

“Wayne, napakaganda talaga ng lugar na ito.” Her eyes lit up with fascination as she looked over the balcony of our room.

“Not nearly as beautiful as you.” I wrapped my arms around her waist from behind. It was the break of dawn and the sun was just starting to rise. The smouldering pink and violet light of the sunrise exploded over the dark sky, shedding dimly unto the vineyard and her soft, beautiful face. Her beauty was intensified by the the light from the beautiful sky.  

This was our first morning as husband and wife and I couldn’t think of a better way of starting our day than this. The beauty of her and everything that surrounded us. The harmonious chirping of the birds flying by. The cool breeze gently blowing. The sound of rustling leaves. The softness of her skin against mine. It was so immaculate. How I wanted to stay in this moment forever.

I pressed a kiss over her neck and inhaled her scent. Her natural scent was intoxicating. The scent of fresh wild flower in the start of spring. It was enough to get me high, high enough to put me to heaven. 

I have had her over and over again last night, we hardly even slept, but I still couldn’t get enough of her. I slipped my hand inside her white cotton robe and cupped her breast, lifting it and rubbing my thumb across her nipple. I indulged in the new fullness of her breasts because of her pregnancy.

“Wayne…” She sighed.

“I want you, Tanya.” I whispered in a throaty voice. I pressed soft kisses on the crook of her neck trailing up to her jaw.

She moaned, her hand reaching up to touch my face. With my free hand, I tugged on to the belt of her robe, and I slowly undid it. 

“Wayne!” She gasped, pulling her robe close before it could peel open. “What are you doing? Someone might see us…”

“There’s no one here but us, I assure you. The nearest house is a couple miles away from here and I told my workers not to go to work today. I don’t want anyone disturbing our honeymoon.” I murmured as I continued kissing her. I could feel myself beginning to harden.

“Pumasok na lang tayo-” She tried to step away but I put both my hands on the railing, trapping her between them.

“Everything’s just so perfect and I want to make love to you right here. Right now.”

“Oh, Wayne…” There was resignation in her voice with an undertone of desire. She let go of her robe, letting her every inhibition fade into nothing but pure, unadulterated love. It fell open, exposing her luscious body. Her body was like a waking dream, every curve so exquisite, her porcelain skin soft as velvet. I pressed my hardness on her bottom and she moaned. She turned her head so that she could kiss me. I crashed my lips against her and locked in a passionate kiss.

Both my hands cupped her supple breasts as my fingers played with her hard, pebbled nipples. One of my hand traveled down her small bump and further down her crotch. I cupped her warm pussy and my fingers stroked her back and forth. She was so warm, in contrast of the cool morning air that brushed against our skin. I could feel the moisture of her against my palm as I kiss and touch her. Gently, I slid two fingers in while my thumb flicked her clit.

“You like that?” I groaned against her lips.

“Mmm…” She answered with a satisfied moan.

“You’re so beautiful, angel…”

She gasped, moaning, her head held back as her hips bucked forward. Her hips thrust against to meet the movement of my fingers going in and out of her. Her juice spilled down my hand as I thrust harder and harder, curling my fingers inside her.

“Wayne, I want you.” Her voice was begging me.

I willed myself not to explode. This was such a turn on. God, I wanted her too. So bad, it hurts.

I pushed her robe from her shoulders, letting it fall to the ground. She looked like a goddess, standing magnificently naked while the morning light bathing her body in an amber glow. For a moment there, I forgot how to breathe.

I pulled my robe apart and took it off. I bent her over the railing and placed my hands on her hips. I positioned myself behind her and impaled myself deep inside her. She was so warm, so cozy, so wet. I was inside her in a perfect angle the bed couldn’t provide.

“Angel, you’re so tight. So good for my cock.” I sighed contently.

I thrust in and out, deeper and deeper with each thrust until I hear the sounds that I had beeen waiting for. Her quiet whimpers had been overtaken by intense moaning and small pantings. I picked up the pace and my right hand went back to cupping her crotch. I massaged her clit as I impaled myself over and over. I could feel her walls tightened as I stroked her. 

I let out a harsh groan, feeling myself ready to explode at any moment now. I drove in and out of her like crazy. I kept the motion up until she collapsed she had lost over me. I caught her by the waist tightly hugging her as I released myself inside her with a loud grunt.

I carried her into my arms and with lids hooded with love and satisfaction swirling in her eyelids, she looked up at me and gave me a tired smile.

“Ikaw talaga ang pilyo mo.” She chuckled tiredly.

“You enjoyed it.” I said with a smug smile as I carried her inside our bedroom.

“I love you, Wayne. I love you. I love you.” She said, leaning her head against my chest.

I kissed her on the forehead. “I love you too, Angel.”

![](https://img.wattpad.com/8b8c74055db8db388a542243f06838c96d5c4afc/68747470733a2f2f73332e616d617a6f6e6177732e636f6d2f776174747061642d6d656469612d736572766963652f53746f7279496d6167652f706e71754d506849755a453741513d3d2d3336303732303231392e313439636666613936616261663165373730313630313133383137342e6a7067)

Photo edited by  gorgeybelle

Chapter Fifty - Final Chapter

“Oh!” Therese and I were playing cards on the living floor when I heard Tanya. My head instantly turned to look at her.

She rested her hand over her nine-month-old belly. I got on my feet in an instant and strode to where she stood. It was the last month of her pregnancy and the doctor told us that we should be prepared as she could give birth anytime now.

“What’s wrong?” I worriedly asked, wrapping an arm around the small of her waist and the other stroked her belly.

“Wala.” She chuckled. “Bumangga lang yung tiyan ko sa mesa at pumadyak ang baby natin.”

“Baka nasaktan.” My brows furrowed. I knelt down in front of Tanya and stroked her stomach. “Baby, are you okay in there? Did you get hurt?”

“Hindi po, Daddy.” Tanya answered in her best baby voice and chuckled. “Ako? Hindi mo ko tatanungin kung nasaktan ba ako?”

I let out a wide smile and stood up. “Nagtatampo ang Mommy…” I pulled her into my arms. “You have to be very careful, Angel.”

“It’s just sometimes I miscalculate ng movements. Minsan nakakalimutan kong malaki na pala ang tiyan ko.” She said with a low laugh.

“Nasaktan ba si Mommy?” I asked her and lowered my face to hers.

“Nope.” She shook her head. “Everything’s fine. Nagulat lang ako kasi ang lakas ng sipa niya kanina. Nagalit yata sa akin.”

I couldn’t help but laught at the cuteness. “See! Tate is telling you to be careful.”

We had found out a few months ago that we were having a baby boy. We had already thought of a name for our new baby and we decided it would Aristotle, Tate for short. Yes, you guessed it. We wanted to name him after the famous philosopher Aristotle. Who wouldn’t know about him? He was a great thinker. He had radically transformed all areas of knowledge that he had touched. It was said that Aristotle was the last man to know everything there was to know. Some even say he had the key to the secret of the universe.

“Daddy, when will I get to meet baby?” Asked Therese, walking up to us.

“Really, really soon.” I said. “Are you excited to meet him?”

“Very!”

“Will you take care of your little brother?” I smiled.

“Of course!”

“Will you change his diapies?”

“EW! No!” Therese made a face.

“But that’s what good sisters do.” I chuckled.

“I’ll do anything but change his diapies! No way!” She shook her head.

Tanya gave birth to a healthy baby boy a few hours ago. From the delivery room, she was taken to her private suite and our son was taken to the nursery. I was right beside her the whole time. There was nothing more beautiful than hearing our child’s cry and holding him in my arms for the first time. He was a big baby boy, weighing eight pounds and five ounces. It was impossible to describe the overwhelming sensation of seeing the child that’s half of you and half of the woman you love.

I stroked Tanya’s hair as she slept peacefully in the hospital bed. Her labor lasted almost six hours and seeing her take that much pain for my child made me appreciate and love my wife more than I ever thought I could. My respect for her grew to a whole new level. She endured the pain to bear our son.

I was just glad it was over now. I pressed a kiss on her lips and silently thank her. If I could, I would’ve taken the pain from her so she wouldn’t have to experience it. I couldn’t wait to see my child. The doctors had to take him to the nursery to run some test on him to make sure he was in perfect health.

I decided to leave Tanya for awhile while she slept to check up on our son. I headed straight to the nursery, the excitement rushing throughout my whole body. I had seen my son, even held him in my arms in the delivery room right after Tanya had given birth to him but the excitement and anticipation of seeing him again hadn’t died down. I looked into the glass window of the nursery. Five babies were inside, all sleeping in their own bassinets. I instantly recognized my son even without having to look at the name of the baby.

Aristotle St. Croix

That was the name written on the paper on the foot of the bassinet my son was in. He was so beautiful. He had porcelain skin like his mother with bright red cheeks. He had my nose and lips, that was what I noticed when I was holding him earlier.

I waved at the nurse who was attending to the newborns inside the nursery. She quickly took notice of me and I pointed at my son. She picked him up and carried her, stopping in front of me behind the glass window to show me my son. Everything still felt surreal to me. I couldn’t believe I wasn’t seeing with my own two eyes the life that came from me and Tanya.

He began to make small movements. Stretching his arms and bringing his hand to his mouth. He was wearing blue baby gloves that prevented him from sucking his thumb. He began to cry. He was so wonderful and my heart wanted to explode with pride and joy. I took in a deep breath as I tried to keep my tears at bay. I would be the best father he could ever want and need.

I waited until my son was done with his screening and I instantly had him taken to our hospital suite. I pushed the bassinet in the room and found Tanya already awake, sitting up in her bed.

“He’s excited to meet you.” I smiled, stopping next to Tanya’s bed.

“Oh my god.” Tanya’s eyes misted with tears. I carefully lifted the baby from his bassinet just like how our private nurse had instructed me. I brought our son to Tanya, sitting on the edge of her bed.

“Look at what we did.” I smiled, proudly showing her the baby.

“He’s beautiful, Wayne.” Tanya rested her chin over my shoulder as she looked at our son.

“Of course, he is. He’s you and me combined.” I said, turning my head to kiss her. “Tanya, thank you for giving me my son. I can’t ask for anything more in this world.”

“Hindi naman magiging posible ’to kung hindi din dahil sa’yo. Hindi lang naman ako ang mag-isang gumawa nito.” She giggled despite the tears in the corner of her eyes. Her hand reached down and touched our son’s hand. His tiny delicate fingers wrapped around his mother’s finger. The baby tried to suck on her finger.

“He’s hungry.” I silently said.

“I’ll feed him.” Tanya said. I gently handed the baby to her, carefully placing her in her arms. I helped Tanya pull down her hospital gown to reveal one of her round, full breasts. She positioned our baby and he instinctively latched on her nipple.

There was something peaceful about watching her breastfeed our son. The sight was so calming I wanted to melt. Tilting my wife’s chin up, I kissed her gently. She smiled at me after pulling away from the quick kiss and we just looked into each other’s eyes. In that instant, we were connected again. There were no words. There won’t be any word perfect enough to convey how we felt at that time. When we look at each other in silence that’s when we end up saying the most.

Our attentions were turned back to our son when he stopped suckling. He began to yawn and stretch his arms, going back to his sweet slumber.

I pressed a kiss on his sweet cherub cheek. “Your Mom and I loves you so much, Tate. We’re going to be the parents for you. Somebody, I know we’re going to disappoint you. It’s inevitable, we’re not perfect. But I want you to understand that we’re trying our best. Our love for you is unconditional. You have always been and will always be accepted and loved no matter who you become or what path you choose to follow.”

Tanya kissed our baby and he made a soft cooing sound. We both smiled.

“Baby Tate.” Therese came barging into the room and George followed behind her. She excitedly looked over at her little brother. “He’s so tiny, Mommy.”

“You were this tiny when I first saw you.” Tanya smiled.

“Look, Papa! You have to see my baby brother!” She proudly said, gesturing for George to come over.

George wore a proud grandpa smile on his face as he looked at our son. He lightly touched Tate’s cheek.

“What a handsome little guy. You look like granda, don’t you little guy? “ He cooed playing with his grandson’s tiny hand.

“How could he look like you, Papa? The baby isn’t wrinkly and he doesn’t have white hairs.” Therese innocently said, her brows furrowing in confusion..

“Oh you and your smart little mouth, missy.” George ruffled Therese’s hair affectionately.

The whole room was filled with happy laughter. Tanya gave me all the things I had ever wanted in my life. She gave me happiness, peace, contentment, and a beautiful little boy. I had spent my whole life searching for a place to call home and her arms takes me there, always.

Tanya’s POV

Nagising ako sa maliliit na halik sa pagitan ng mga hita ko. I looked down and saw the top of Wayne’s head, kissing my inner thigh. I moaned, still dazed from sleep.

“Wayne, inaantok na ako.” I half-heartedly protested.

“You don’t have to do anything, Angel. Just feel everything I’m doing to you. Why do you have to be so beautiful?” Dumampi ang mga labi niya sa pagkababae ko.

Napasinghap ako. “Hindi ako makakatulog niyan.”

“Shh… just let me do all the work. Go back to sleep, if you must.” Mahinang sabi niya bago muling gumalaw ang mga labi niya.

“Pinagsasamantalahan mo na naman ako.” I tiredly giggled. “Matulog ka na, maaga pa tayo gigising bukas.”

He chuckled, I could feel him breathe out a hot breath and his vibrated against my sensitive flesh. He kissed me there. His hot tongue swiped into my folds. I closed my eyes. I tried going back to sleep but couldn’t do so. My body felt like it was on heat.

He opened my legs wider, lifting my hips up and cupping my buttocks. He pressed his lips harder against me, driving his tongue deeper into my folds. Soft moans escaped my mouth. I could feel his tongue entering my core and I whimpered when he hit the spot where it felt good the most. He delved his tongue in and out of me, occasionally sucking on the labia. It didn’t take long before I felt a pool of heat ready to burst inside my stomach.

I let out a moan of  protest when he stopped. My eyes still close and heavy. He stopped when I was just about to come. I was almost there. He then pushed something bigger, thicker, and hotter inside me. It filled me up completely. My body accomodated him and we fitted perfectly just like we always do.

“Wayne…” I moaned.

“Angel, you are so irresistable even when you’re asleep.” He cupped my breasts and squeezed it.

I reached up to grab him, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him down to me.

“Not sleepy after all, are you, angel?” He cocked a brow and smiled naughtily.

I shook my head, eagerly meeting his thrust. He filled me up perfectly and it felt perfect. He groaned and moaned my name over and over. His face lowered to my chest and he sucked my breast, his tongue playing around my nipple. He drove deeper inside me until our crotches were touching one another.

I yelped in surprise when he pulled me up, shifting our position. Now I was sitting on top of him and he was lying under me with his hands on my waist. “Ride me, Angel. Hard. Show me how much you love my cock.”

Sa limang taon na pagiging mag-asawa namin I never felt the love and passion between us subside. It became even more stronger as time passed by.

I began to move on top of him, sliding up and down, my body hot and pliant. He made a harsh growling sound. I could feel the rush of desire through my veins as I watched his expression. The passion in his eyes as he looked at me were still the same, maybe even more intense, as the first time we made love. He spread my legs wider as I moved. He spat on his hand before reaching down to touch my clit, lubricating it. His finger circled around my nub.

“Wayne!” I could feel my walls closing in on him, squeezing his length.

“Harder, Angel. Almost there…” He groaned.

I moved even faster, clenching my inner walls around him. I knew that he was almost close to releasing. His breathing became erratic. His pace grew quicker as he met my movement.

“Wayne… I’m… I’m coming…” I said.

“Come with me, Angel…” He groaned in absolute pleasure and after that I felt the warmth of his essence inside me. I collapsed tiredly on his chest. We were both sated and spent, trying to catch our breaths.

“God, you’re so hot, Angel.” He lightly slapped my bottom.

I rolled off next to him and he pulled me into his arms. I rested my head on top of his chest.

“I love you.” He whispered and then yawned tiredly.

“Mahal na mahal din kita. Ikaw lang.” I answered.

He kissed my eyelid. “Sundan na natin si Camilla.”

“Wayne! She just turned two!”

“How are we going to have ten kids then?”

I chuckled quietly. “Ten?! Lima nga lang. Isa pa, I’m on the pill.”

“Since when?” His brows furrowed.

“A few months ago when I started weaning Mimi off of breast milk. “ My fingers played on his chest, tracing random shapes on it. Mimi was Camilla’s nickname. Tate was only three when his little sister was born. He couldn’t say his little sister’s name properly so he just calls her Mimi until that became her nickname. “Mahirap kayang magbuntis.”

“Fine but you still owe me two kids..” He smiled.

“Makakabayad din ako sa’yo. I promise.” I giggled.

He pulled me closer to him and we drifted off to sleep.

Kakatapos ko lang bihisan at paliguan si Camilla. Therese was already dressed up as well. Si Wayne na lang at si Tate ang hindi pa nakaayos. I looked at the clock. I was worried na baka malate kami sa binyag ng bunso nina Phoenix, ang kaibigan ni Wayne, at ni Cassie. Nakakahiya naman sa kanila kung mahuhuli kami.

“Therese, nakita mo ba ang Daddy mo at si Tate?” I asked while carrying Camilla on one side. Therese was now in her preteen. Dati ay nakikipagsabayan pa itong makipaglaro sa Daddy at kapatid niya. Umaakyat pa sa treehouse at nagpapalipad ng saranggola. Ngayong nagdadalaga na siya she was slowly learning how to act like a real lady. Madalas pa rin bumisita si George. Halos buwan buwan ay lumilipad siya pabalik dito. If it weren’t for his business in Belgium, nagsettle na siya dito sa Pilipinas. Magaling na siya at malakas pa rin. His grandkids loves him. He was planning on retiring and buying a property here next year.

“I saw them playing in the backyard.” She said.

“Pagagalitan na naman tayo ng Mommy mo niyan.” I overheard them talking. Tate was sitting on the swing below the treehouse while Wayne sat on the grass in front of him.

“It’s not that big. It doesn’t even hurt.” He said.

“I know but your Mom’s going to freak out when she sees this. Dude, what are we going to do?”

“I don’t know.” Kibit-balikat na sabi niya. “Maybe we should just move to Russia.”

Wayne let out a chuckle. “Move to Russia? Don’t you think that’s a little too much? Iiwan natin si Mommy, si ate Therese, at si Camilla?”

“Just until this gets better. Then we’ll go back.” Sabi niya.

I bit my lip to try to surpress my laughter.

“Hmm…” Wayne nodded his head. “I like the way you think, dude. I will consider that. But of all places, why Russia?”

“I just read about Russia and I think it’s a cool place.”

“Ano na naman ang ginawa niyong mag-ama?”

“Mommy?”

“Angel!”

Halos magkasabay na sabi ng dalawa. They looked like a deer caught in the headlight. Wayne got up and took Camilla from me.

“Daddy!” Camilla wrapped her arms around Wayne’s neck.

“Hey there, sunshine.” Lambing niya sa bata at hinalikan ito.

Agad kong nakita ang malaking galos sa braso ni Tate. “Wayne, ano’ng nangyari sa anak mo?”

“You know that little hole under the fence.” Wayne winced. “We kinda crawled through it. Sumasad ang braso niya sa fence at nagkagalos siya.”

“Wayne!”

“Don’t worry! Dad already put alcohol on it.” Tate defended his father.

I let out a deep sigh and shook my head. “Pumasok na tayo. Ano’ng oras na? We’re going to be late. Ninong at Ninang pa naman tayo sa binyag ni Ronnie.”

I took Tate’s hand and Wayne wrapped an arm around the back of my waist while he held Camilla on his other arm.

Epilogue

Author’s Note:

Hi guys! I just want to thank you for sticking around until the end. I know I don’t update as often as I’d like to, life always gets in the way, but thank you for bearing with me. Salamat sa walang sawa niyong paghihintay sa updates. Nakakalungkot lang na wala nang binata sa mga babies ko pero masaya na ako dahil masaya na din sila sa mga buhay nila. They’re just so real in my mind. I birthed these guys from my imagination. I hope you all enjoyed Phoenix, Tristan, Axel, Seth, and Wayne’s Story. Sa totoo lang when I first started Phoenix’s story, about four years ago, I never thought na maraming magbabasa at magmamahal sa kanila. Thank you, guys! I always enjoy reading all your comments! <3

Ngayon tapos na ang story ng lima. Ang mga story ng anak naman nila sana ang abangan niyo. I’ve already started Miggy (Lipstick Lullaby) and Coco and Anais’ story (Accidental Baby). Sana mahalin niyo din sila katulad ng pagmamahal na ipinakita niyo sa mga tatay nila lol. Thank you so much, everyone! I will continuously strive to give you all a good story. 

___ 

The weather was perfect today. Maganda ang sikat ng araw at malamig ang ihip ng hangin. Nagpunta kami sa rancho ni Phoenix pagkatapos ng binyag ng anak nila. They decided they wanted to have a small picnic party.

The atmosphere was laid back and relaxed. Ang mga lalaki ay abala sa pag-iihaw ng mga barbecue at steak na kakainin namin. My husband stood in front of the grill, topless, as he tossed and turned the meat. Buhat ko sa isang kamay si Mimi habang ang isang kamay ko pa ay abala sa paglagay ng mga plato sa mahabang mesa. Si Valerie, ang asawa ni Axel, ay abala sa paglalagay ng mga kutsara’t tinidor at si Marian naman, ang asawa naman ni Seth, sa baso.

“Ang ganda talaga ni Mimi. Para siyang porcelain doll.” Sabi ni Marian habang nakatitig sa anak ko. “Sana sa susunod naman babae na ang maging baby namin.”

“Are you planning to have another baby?” Valerie smiled.

“Kung mabiyayaan ulit kami. Syempre gusto ko magka-baby ulit.” Malapad ang ngiting sabi niya.

“Bakit naman hindi? Hindi na ba kayo active ni Seth?” Valerie asked.

“Ano ka ba? Syempre active pa rin. Tignan mo nga itsura ng asawa ko? Mukha ba yang inactive.” Tumawa si Marian at pareho din kaming natawa ni Valerie.

“Eh bakit kayo di pa niyo sundan si Anais?” She curiously asked.

“Well, Axel and I decided that we’re not ready yet. Gusto muna namin magfocus kay Anais.”

“Eh kayo naman ni Wayne, Tanya? May balak pa ba kayong magka-baby ulit?”

“Oo naman. Plano talaga namin mag-anak ulit. Kinukulit na nga ako ni Wayne.” I chuckled.

“Then why did you want to take birth control?” Tanong ni Valerie. She was the one who I confided to about taking birth control after I weaned Mimi off of breast milk.

“Gusto ko munang ma-enjoy ni Mimi ang pagiging bunso niya.” I smiled, looking at my daughter. She had a pacifier in her mouth, her dark hair tied in pigtails. Ang Daddy niya ang mas kamukha niya sa amin dalawa. She was the girl version of Wayne as they say.

“You have a point. Isa pa, mahirap talagang mag-alaga ng anak at asawa. Ako nga isa pa lang si Anais, nahihirapan na ako. Axel spoils our daughter rotten, she’s a bit of a handful. Binibigay kasi ni Axel lahat ng gusto kaya yun, nasasanay. Kapag hindi nasunod ang gusto niyan she acts like it’s the end of the world.” Valerie shook her head.

“Buti nga ikaw babae yung sa’yo. Sa akin, dalawang lalaki. You won’t believe how messy our house gets kapag naglalaro yan si Pio at Seth. Yang anak ko mana sa ama, salaula din.” Tumawa si Marian.

“Hey, guys! Come on the food’s ready!” Sigaw ni Wayne. He had a plate of barbecue in his hand at dinala niya iyon sa mesa. Pagkatapos ay yumakap siya sa akin mula sa likod ko at hinalikan si Mimi sa noo.

“Daddy, swim.” She pointed at the lake.

“Oo, mamaya. We’ll swim.” Kinuha niya mula sa akin ang bata at kinarga iyon.

“Pawis na pawis ka na, o.” Pinunasan ko ang butil ng pawis sa noo niya. “Saka amoy usok ka.”

“But you still want me, don’t you?” He whispered into my ear.

“Of course, I do.” I giggled quietly.

Tumawa siya ng mahina bago inipit ang baba ko. He tilted my head and gave me a gentle kiss on the lips. Agad din akong humiwalay sa halik na iyon.

“Sandali lang. Tatawagin ko lang si Tate at Therese para makakain na din sila.”

“Daaaaddy! Daddy!” Anais came running to her parents. Umiiyak ang bata at agad sinalubong ni Axel ng yakap ito. He cradled Anais in his arms while Valerie stroked the crying girl’s back. She was asking what was wrong and Anais told her in between her sobs that Coco pushed her. Bigla naman sumunod si Coco at si Yvo. Coco couldn’t talk so Yvo explained everything that happened.

“I’m really sorry for what Coco did.” Hingi ng pasensya ni Cassie habang kalong ang three month old baby nila ni Phoenix. “Coco, will you apologize to Anais?”

Coco nodded and said “I’m sorry” in sign language.

“It’s okay. Di talaga maiiwasan magkasakitan. Mga bata yan.” Valerie smiled.

Luminga ako sa paligid at hinanap ng mga mata ko si Therese at Tate. I instantly saw my son as Tate was already walking towards us with a deep frown on his made up face. May lagpas-lagpas na pulang lipstick sa labi ito, makapal at kalat na blush on sa mga pisngi, at yellow eyeshadow.

“Ano’ng nangyari dyan sa mukha mo?” Gulat na tanong ko.

“Ate Therese and Audrey put make up on me!” May halong inis sa boses nito bago pinahid ang lipstick gamit ang shirt na suot niya.

“Halika nga dito. Tanggalin natin yan.” Kumuha ako ng wet wipes mula sa diaper bag ni Mimi at sinubukan kong tanggalin mula sa mukha niya ang makeup.

“Hey, lil Wayne, what happened to your face?” Seth chuckled while looking at our son.

“Ate Therese did this to me!” His frown grew deeper as I wiped the blush on from his cheek.

“Stop calling my son Lil Wayne. His name is Tate.” Wayne rolled his eyes.

“No, he’s Lil Wayne now. Nasa kanya na ang title. Ikaw naman na ngayon si Big Wayne.” Humalakhak si Seth.

Tinawag ko si Therese pagkatapos kong mabura ang makeup sa mukha ni Tate at agad naman iyon lumapit.

“Ano’ng ginawa mo sa kapatid mo, Therese?” Tanong ko sa kanya.

“I just tried my makeup on him. I think it’s cute.” She innocently said.

“Makeups are for girls.” Tate made a face.

“Besides, munchkin, you’re already beautiful the way you are. Hindi mo na kailangan gumamit ng mga yan. Tignan mo na lang ang Mommy mo, kahit walang makeup ang ganda ganda pa rin.” With his free hand, he cupped my jaw and kissed on the cheek.

Napahagikgik si Therese sa tinuran ni Wayne.

“Ikaw talaga!” I bit my bottom lip, sinusubukan kong itago ang kilig ko. After years of being married to him, he could still make the butterflies in my stomach dance around.

“Daddy, it’s almost my birthday.” Paalala ni Therese.

“I know, munchkin. Time flies so fast. Soon you’ll be a teenager.” Wayne sighed, nostalgically.

“I know what I want for my birthday.” Lumawak ang ngiti ni Therese.

“What is it?”

“A puppy! You know I’ve always wanted a puppy.”

“Puppy! I want puppy!” Pumalakpak si Mimi na karga pa rin ni Wayne. Natawa kami. Mimi was a smart little girl.

“Me too! I want a puppy! Can we get a puppy? Please?” Singit ni Tate.

“Well, you’d have to ask your Mom.” Tumingin si Wayne sa akin.

“Fine!” I finally said. Therese had always wanted a dog for a pet. Bata palang siya ay iyon na ang hinihiling niya sa akin. She was at the age now where she could hold a responsibility.

“Really?” Nagliwanag ang mga mata niya.

I nodded my head. She ran to me and attacked me with a tight hug. Niyakap ko din siya at hinalikan ang tuktok ng buhok niya.

“I love you, Mommy!” Masayang sabi niya.

“I love you too.” I smiled.

Yumakap naman siya kay Wayne. “I love you Daddy! You guys are the best!”

“I love you too, munchkin.” Wayne stroked her long hair. “Just promise us you’ll take good care of your puppy like how we took care of Snow White and Clifford.”

“But they died!” Tate’s brow furrowed. “I don’t want the puppy to die!”

“They died because they were old!” Therese exclaimed.

We all ate together. Napuno ng kuwentuhan at mga tawa ang mesa. Everyone was just having fun in a relaxed mood. After we ate, our husband decided to go for a dip. Tumalon ang mga ito sa lawa at sumama ang mga bata sa mga ama nila. 

Nakalubog sa tubig ngayon ang apat na mag-aama ko. Hawak niya sa magkabilang kamay si Tate at Mimi habang nakapasan naman sa likod niya si Therese.

I sat on the dock with Cassie, Valerie, Andi, and Cassie’s gay bestfriend, Rome. Pinanood lang namin ang mga asawa namin habang nagtatampisaw sa tubig. We were talking about our husbands and kids.

“Ang cute talaga ni Ronnie. She’s like an angel.” Andi cooed as she looked at the three month old baby girl sleeping in Cassie’s arms. “Hindi siya iyakin ’no?”

“Sa gabi kasi gising ito kaya akala niyo hindi iyakin.” Cassie chuckled and kiss the baby’s forehead.

“Pinipigil niya kayo kaya ganon. Gusto niya siya na lang yung bunso. Alam mo naman yang asawa mo, sharpshooter. After your miscarriage, sabi nga ng doctor posibleng di ka na magkaron ng baby pero kita mo! Nakalusot pa rin ang gago.” Sabi ni Rome.

“Rome!” Pigil ang tawang pinandilatan niya ang kaibigan. We couldn’t help but laugh too.

“I can’t wait for our baby to be born.” Andi sighed and stroked her protuding belly. “Nakakamiss din magkaron ng baby sa bahay.”

“Ilang months na ba siya?” I asked.

“Almost four months na.” She proudly said.

“Dad’s so excited for the baby too. Madadagdagan na naman daw ang lahi ng mga Zamora. Pinarenovate na naman niya nga yung isang kwarto sa hacienda. May kwarto na si Anais at Yvo doon at ngayon naman ginagawa niya nang nursery room ang isa sa mga guest rooms.” Masayang kwento ni Valerie.

“Hay nako buti pa kayo! Kailan kaya ako mabubuntis ni Mark?” Rome sighed dreamily.

“Hey guys, I have an announcement to make.” Biglang tumigil ang lahat ng magsalita si Seth. Everyone fell quiet, our attention turned to him. Seth stood on the edge of the lake with Marian and their son, Pio. “I’m going to be a daddy again. We’re going to have another baby!”

The guys cheered like college frat boys, they were all congratulating their best friend. After a few moments, Seth dove into the lake with his son. Lumapit naman sa amin si Marian at binati din namin siya. 

“Ito naman kasi si Seth! Sabi ko nga hindi pa sure! That was just one pregnancy test!” She said but the excitement on her face was undeniable.

“Syempre sure na yun! Hindi naman magtwo-two lines yun kung walang trigger.” Sabi ni Cassie. 

“Claim it, Marian! Hindi ba gusto mo na ng baby girl?” I said.

“Yeah,I guess you’re right…” Ngumiti si Marian at bumaba ang tingin sa tiyan niya.

“Mukhang sabay pa tayong magkakaron ng baby shower.” Andi smiled.

“Oh, look at those men. Who would’ve thought they’d be great fathers and husbands. From wild playboys to domesticated fathers.” There was contentment and happiness in Valerie’s voice was evident. Busy ang mga lalaki sa pakikipaglaro sa mga bata. They were all playing water tag. 

“We should congratulate ourselves. We tamed those wild animals.” Cassie said.

“Let’s cheers to that.” Kinuha ko ang isang baso ng mango shake na nasa tabi ko at inangat ito.

“Cheers.” They all raised their glasses too, laughing.

“What is happening there?” Tanong ng mga lalaki.

“Nothing.” Halos sabay-sabay na sagot namin.

“Come on, women. Get in the water. Play with us.” Imbita ni Seth.

“Mommy! You have to get in the water!” Sabi ni Therese sa akin.

“No, I’m fine here, sweetheart.” Sagot ko.

Lumapit si Wayne sa akin habang hawak pa rin ang dalawang anak namin. 

“Angel, dive in. The water’s warm and nice.” Aya niya.

“Yeah, Mommy! Come on!” Sabi ni Tate.

“Maybe later, honey.” Sabi ko.

Nagkatinginan si Therese at Wayne bago umahon si Therese mula sa tubig. I thought she was going to sit next to me but I was surprised when she pushed me in the water.

“Therese!” I shrieked. “That’s not nice!”

She jumped into the water and swam to us. Lumapit sa akin si Wayne at kinuha ko si Mimi mula sa kanya.

“See! The water’s nice, yeah?” Pinulupot ni Wayne ang isang bisig niya sa baywang ko at kinabig ako sa kanya. Hinalika niya ako sa noo at bumaba ang halik na iyon sa tungki ng ilong ko.

“I love you, Tanya. Thank you for giving me the family I’ve always wanted. You gave me the things I didn’t have in my childhood. You gave peace, purity, and love. I fall in love with you every single day and I know I’d never stop loving you.” He pressed a kiss on my lips.

“Mahal na mahal din kita, Wayne.” I whispered against his warm lips.

TBBAYS Book

Hi guys,

Para sa mga hindi pa nakakaalam, I’ll be self-publishing Five Guys (minus Tristan because he’s already published under Summit) real soon. There will be additional chapters in the book. Ito yung details para sa gustong mag-avail ng book set o ng individual copy.

Individual copy:

Price: 500php (+shipping fee)

The book set comes with:

• A special book box

-Phoenix Cordova

-Ruthless Seduction

-The Pregnant Virgin

-The Blue Book: At your Service

Size: 6 x 9

Price: 2000php (shipping fee included)

Order and payment period: January to March 2018

Ipopost ko na lang ang book cover pag meron na. If you have any further questions or kung gusto niyong maging updated add or follow me on my facebook account: https://www.facebook.com/rcmwp

FAQ and Book Covers

Here are the covers for the book I’ll be self-publishing soon.

FAQ

1. Magkano?

Individual copy: 500 (plus shipping fee)

Complete book set: 2000

The book set includes the following:

• A book box

• 4 Books (PC, RS, TPV, TBBAYS)

• Shipping fee

2. Paano kung may Phoenix Cordova book na ako?

Pwede po kayong mag-avail ng 3 books na kasama ang book box basta may proof po na may PC book na kayo.

3. Magkano ang book set pag walang PC?

I’m still not sure how I’ll price it. Follow or add niyo na lang ako sa facebook account ko para maupdate kayo: facebook.com/rcmwp

4. Bakit ganyan ang cover? Paano ko itatago yan sa parents ko?

If you need to hide it, you’re too young for it haha

I’m actually considering adding a lock for the book box. (Di pa sure yan)

5. Paano kung gusto ko ng apat na libro ng isang title lang? Meron pa rin bang book box?

No. Kailangan po kumpleto silang apat.

6. Kailan ang order at payment period?

Baka maaga akong mag accept ng orders para sa mga mag-aavail ng book set para alam ko na kung ilan book box ang ipagagawa ko. Sa December na siguro pero para lang yung sa book set. Yung mga bibili ng individual copy at ang payment, Jan-March pa rin.

7. May additional chapters ba?

Yes, lahat ng books may additional chapters.

8. Do you ship internationally?

Hindi po. Mostly because it’s time-consuming, inconvenient, and a bit pricey. Mahirap na rin baka mawala ang books at hindi makarating sa inyo. I don’t want to worry about the books getting lost or delayed.

Pwede po kayong umorder at ipaship niyo na lang sa kakilala niyo dito sa Pilipinas. :)

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