Prologue

A loud sound of music runs in my ears, embracing the pole and letting out all the passion inside of me. 

Loud shouts and chants from different men and boys, patronizing my body, looking at me like I’m a goddess that they want to lay their hands on. A delicate sensation dancing in front of them, the pole is my passion and this is their possession.

I sway my hips against the pole, feeling every beat of the sexual music and losing my mind on the tempo, wrapping my thighs and arms through the brim of the pole. Slowly undressing in front of these thirsty men, leaving my red two-glittered two-piece, my high heels feel like nothing as I lift my whole body up the pole and spread my legs above.

Perverted whistles, money all over the stage, and firing addictions in the place, lights hitting every spot of my body. Losing dignity but owning a core value of money, is the life of a Stripper. And, I’m the Greatest stripper…

The passion that became his possession.

They say that the most powerful weapon in the world is the human soul which is on fire. Filled with passion and sacred possession. Life would be more fearless with a flaming soul that is ready to do anything for their greatest love.

Anything that gets your blood racing is worth it, that’s what they call passion.

Passion and possession are real opposite words, that lie beyond a different side of humans.

Possession is anything that starts in a human mind, while Passion is a blazing feeling that runs in a human’s heart unexpectedly.

My situation is playing between passion and possession that keeps me going.

“I want you,” his voice keeps running in my ears,  “You’re mine,” his flaming touches on my neck, lips, waist, hips, and legs, and my wetness still feels fresh.

“Love me,” those feelings when he said those words.

I instantly open my eyes as I kept on hearing his voice on my sleep, Dahan-dahan akong bumangon mula sa pagkakahiga bago hinawi ang aking buhok at minasahe ang aking ulo.

Ilang mabibigat na paghinga rin ang aking pinakawalan, why am I dreaming and hearing him at this time? Why do I still remember how his voice sounds?

Maingat akong tumayo mula sa kama at inabot ang aking maliit na alkansya, kinuha ko rin ang kandilang nakasindi sa lamesa dito sa aking silid bago umupo sa sa sahig sa gilid ng kama, sunod ko itong binuksan at sinimulang ilabas ang inipon kong pera.

I couldn’t see the money very clearly because there was no light around me, I was only relying on this candle beside me.

“One hundred, two hundred, three hundred, four hundred, five hundred, six hundred,seven hundred fifty five,” I whisper while counting it all, hindi ko maiwasang panghinaan ng loob habang nakikita sa aking palad ang natitirang pera para sa amin.

Sumisikip ang dibdib ko habang pinagmamasdan ito, at napapaisip kung paano pa ako kikita ng pera at paano ito pagkakasyahin sa pangangailangan namin?

Sobrang bigat ng aking nararamdaman at tila hindi ko na alam ang gagawin sa puntong ito, hirap na rin ako pero hindi ako pwedeng sumuko, lalo na’t kailangan niya ako.

I look at her sleeping so soundly, wishing that while she’s in her sleep she won’t feel any pain, I reach for her hand and softly caresses it, parang may kung anong tumutusok sa aking puso habang patuloy siyang pinagmamasdan, ayaw kong mahirapan siya pero ito ako nanghihina at hindi na alam ang gagawin.

Pinunasan ko ang luhang tumakas sa aking mga mata bago huminga ng malalim at tumayo, I let go of her hand and decided to drink water down stairs.

My whole body is aching, my whole system is giving up, my mind is breaking down, and I don’t know what to do anymore.

Kumuha ako ng maligamgam na tubig sa kusina bago ito ininom at pinunasan ang aking mga mata, Hindi ko kailangan umiyak ngayon, “Hindi ito ang oras para panghinaan ka ng loob Louen,” I whisper to myself and shook my head down and tried coping up by breathing out.

Sinusubukan kong buhayin ang aking sarili, sinusubukan kong kalimutan ang problema ko, sinusubukan kong isipin na malalagpasan namin ito.

Pero bawat paghinga ko ay lalo lang akong nahihirapan huminga at mas lumalala ang aking nararamdaman ko, napa luhod ako sa sahig dahil sa panghihina, pilit pinipigilan ang aking mga luha.

“Ahh!!!!!!” agad kong iminulat ang aking mga mata ng marinig ko ang malakas na sigaw mula sa itaas, mabilis na kinain ng kaba ang aking buong katawan dahil sa sigaw na iyon.

Tumakbo ako ng mabilis, bawat hakbang ko ay tila parang sobrang layo ng aking pupuntahan at tila ang tanggal kong nakarating doon, bawat tibok ng aking puso ay katumbas ng nakakamatay na sakit.

“Tabi!” sambit ko ng makita ko ang aking anak na tila namamalipit sa sakit, “Ahh!!!!” sigaw siya ng sigaw habang pilit hinahawakan ang kanyang ulo, My body weakens as I see her suffering in pain.

“Tabi,” I utter and quickly carry her, kahit na nanghihina at nanginginig ako ay pilit ko siyang binuhat at niyakap ng sobrang higpit, “Nandito si Mommy,” I whisper and go down stairs while carrying her.

Kahit na magkanda mali-mali na ako ng tapak sa hagdan hindi ko na inisip iyon at mabilis na inilabas siya sa aming bahay, agad na tumawag ng taxi.

“Ouchie, Mommy!!! Ahh!” she’s crying and begging, calling me, I kiss her forehead and try not to break down and be strong for her. “The ouchie will be gone, just bare with me, baby please,” I whisper, and my voice is already cracking because of this killing pain in my chest.

Seeing my daughter suffering like this makes me wanna die, if only I can get the pain she’s in right now.

“Ouchie Mommy, Ah ouchie, Mommy ouchie!!!” hindi ko na alam ang sasabihin ko sa kanya, dahil alam kong sobrang nasasaktan siya ngayon, at double ang sakit non para sa akin, I just hugged her so tight and kiss her head while he keeps on holding it and yelling it out.

Malapit na tayo baby, “Manong pakibilisan po, please lang,” I weakly beg while holding my daughter in my arms, “Ouchie!!!!” Tabi started hitting her head, thinking that it could ease the pain but I stop her and hold her wrist, “Stop baby, please don’t hurt yourself , malapit na tayo, please no,” sambit ko at pilit ginagawa ang lahat upang hawakan siya at yakapin siya dahil wala akong ibang magawa para mawala ang sakit na nararamdaman niya ngayon.

Nakarating kami sa hospital at agad siyang dinala sa emergency room, “Mommy, hanggang dito na lang po kayo,” the nurse stop me when I try to go inside with them.

“Mommy ouchieee,” sigaw ni Tabi at tuluyan na nilang sinara ang pinto at sa pagsara nito ay ang pagbagsak ko sa sahig, nanghina ng tuluyan ang aking mga tuhod at hindi ko na alam ang aking gagawin.

My hands were trembling in fear, and my mind and soul were begging for my daughter’s safety. I pray and kiss my hands as I kept begging, nagmamakaawa akong tanggalin na ang nararamdaman niyang sakit, na wag na siyang pahirapan pa.

“Please spare my daughter,” I whisper, nanginginig kong kinuha ang aking cellphone at tinawagan siya.

“Hello?”

“R-rie.”

“Louen, bakit?”

“Si T-tabi, kailangan kita dito, natatakot ako,” nanginginig kong sambit at pilit pinipigilan ang luha na tutulo mula sa aking mga mata. “Oo, hintayin mo ako!” she said and ended the call, I shook my head and wait.

“Please…”

“She needs more blood ma’am, and I’m afraid we won’t be able to sustain what her body needs right now, nauubusan na rin po kami ng supply ng dugo dito,” The nurse said while she was checking my daughter’s situation, and left after.

Hinawakan ko ang kamay ni Tabi at yumuko, I don’t know what to do anymore. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko, nahihirapan na ng sobra si Tabi, ayaw ko masaktan siya, ayaw kong mahirapan siya, ayaw ko.

“Louen, anong plano mo?” hinimas ni Rie ang aking likod at gaya ko bakas sa mukha niya ang takot na maaring mangyari kay Tabi.

“Kahit anong maging desisyon mo nandito lang ako, para kay Tabi, nandito tayo para kay Tabi kaya wag kang matakot, wag kang pamanghina, kailangan tayo ni Tabi,” lumuluha niyang sambit habang binibigyan ako ng lakas gamit ang kanyang kamay, she’s holding me like what she did when I have nothing.

I nodded and let out a deep breath, para kay Tabi. Isa lang ang alam kong maaring paraan para maligtas ko ang anak ko. Tiningnan ko si Rie sa kanyang mga mata bago ko hinigpitan ang pagkakawak sa kanyang mga kamay.

“I’ll be a Stripper again.”

THE GREATEST STRIPPER

07-12-21

Chapter 1

Disclaimer: this story fiction name, characters, business, events, places, incidents are produced by the author’s imagination or dreams, any resemblance to the actual persons or events are purely coincidental. 

this story might contain mature scene, strong language that are not suitable to very young readers, please read this at your own risk.

This story are purely unedited and have lots of error please if you have encounters typo’s language error please bear with me, will try my best to fix it in any moment.

This is a Prequel THE DELICATE PREGNANT VIRGIN, OVERLY CRUEL & EPHEMERAL LOVE so i suggest that read them first before you read this story.

---

DESPERATION

LOUEN

I SLOWLY lifted my body using my upper body’s strength and slowly did some tricks up the pole. I closed my eyes and felt the lyrics and tempo of the music, combining it with my whole body movements. 

Maybe it’s in the gutter Where I left my lover What an expensive fake My V is for Vendetta Thought that I’d feel better But now I got a bellyache.

I sexually sway my hips and walked around the pole while staring at my reflection in the mirror, making those expressions filled with passion.

“I lost my mind,” bulong ko, sinasabayan ang kanta at ginagawa ang mga tricks na inaral ko sa pole.

I’ve been repeating this music and tricks for almost one hour. I want to make it perfect and achieve the view of tricks. I wanna see myself when I’m performing: the angles of my feet, hair, arms, and face. I want everything to be as perfect as I imagined.

“Ilost my mind . . .” I whisper while panting and keep holding thepole and lift my feet upside down.

“Ouch!” I did the last trick but ended up falling on the floor. Huminga ako nang malalim bago humiga nang tuluyan sa rag at ipinatong ang aking braso sa aking mga mata. I feel so unsatisfied on what I did. I need to make that move perfect.

“Tomorrow,” I whisper before I stand up. I grabbed my towel and water bottle at the side, picked up my bag, and changed clothes inside the restroom. I took a shower and wear my black leggings and boxer bra before I top it with my university jacket. I put my towel on my shoulder, brought my bag outside, and locked the practice room.

“Paris, you’re done? Let’s go!”

My friends called me. I looked at them and smiled. Sumunod ako sa kanila. Walking with this group of friends of mine makes us feel superior and dominant among all the students here at the university; this group consists of daughters and sons of the university shareholders.

“Paris, wanna grab the same diet coffee?”

I glanced at Stacey when she holds my shoulders. “Yeah, sure,” I said.

“Yey!” they said, wrapping their arms in mine before they took me to this fancy coffee shop outside the university.

I’m already 20 years old and studying Bachelor of Science in Accountancy, a first-year student in Lithely UniversityI spend my 6-8 p.m. with them inside the coffee shop just talking about money and expensive stuff. I enjoy this kind of thing with them and I don’t care if I kinda disobey some rules. And after that, they drove me home using Stacey’s Tesla.

“Bye, Paris. See you tomorrow,” Devy said and smiled. I smiled at her and kissed their cheeks before they leave. I turned my back and opened the gate of the house and walk inside.

“Louen, you’re back. Bakit ngayon ka lang?”

I stopped walking and looked at my mom standing beside the kitchen door.

“Hey, Mom,” I uttered. I was about to walk upstairs when she didn’t let me.

“No, Louen, let’s talk for a minute here,” she said, reached for my hand, and let me sit on the couch with her. Tiningnan niya ako nang may pag-aalinlangan.

Kumunot ang noo ko. “What is it?” I asked and looked at her, waiting for her to talk.

“Ahm . . . darling, I just wanna say if you can stay away from your friends. Can you do it little by litt—”

I couldn’t wait for her to finish and quickly asked, “What? What do you mean, Mom?” I slowly took off her hands on mine.

She sighed and tried to cope up. “Ang ibig kong sabihin, hindi kasi maganda ang mga pinapakitang ugali ng mga kaibigan mo kaya nais ko sana na layuan mo sila unti-unti dahil baka mapan—”

I stood up and said, “No! I won’t do that, Mom. I’ll go upstairs.” I quickly went upstairs, locked myself inside my room, and took a shower again. After that, I chat with my friends.

Devy: Sure thing, drinks are on me.

Faith: No, drinks are mine.

Devy: Mine! I’ll pay for the drinks, Faith.

Faith: I can pay for it too, so it’s fine to give it to me.

Devy: No way. I have more money than you, why don’t you just keep your money and let me pay?

Stacey: Stop it, girls. I’ll pay for the drinks and the bar, don’t you worry.

I couldn’t chat with them because I’m sure Mom would not let me drink outside. I rolled my eyes and lay on the bed. Mom wasn’t always there when I had activities back then but now she’s always present scolding me. I sighed and kicked the brim of my bed. I hate this.

Umupo ako sa kama bago tumayo at lumabas ng aking silid. I walked towards my brother’s room and checked him out.

As I opened his room, I always feel weak when he had a lot of formulas and equations on the walls, lots of books around the place, and him standing at the side of the bed.

“Really? Still studying at home? Give me a break,” I whisper.

“Why not?” he asked me back.

“I just wanna ask: when you said to Mom that you are going to a party with the people she doesn’t like, did he let you attend?” I asked him.

“I don’t do parties. I’d rather stay here at home, studying.”

I rolled my eyes at him. The good son!

“Yeah. I forgot you’re the favorite son nga pala who doesn’t do anything that could get Mom mad.” sambit ko.

He nodded like it was nothing. “That’s because I’m their only son, and you’re their only daughter.”

I hissed out of irritation and closed his door. Parang wala lang sa kanya na binuksan ko ang pinto ng kuwarto niya. I felt like nothing when I approached him.

As Ash started growing up, he also started having a lot of interest in books and studying most of the time. He got accelerated when he was in elementary school and now he’s graduating senior high school at a young age.

“Dinner is ready, Ma’am Louen.”

I looked at the staircase when one of our maids called me for dinner. “Yeah,” I said and went downstairs.

A minute later, Ash went down wearing his glasses and started eating quietly. I did my best to eat fast so I could get out of this suffocating dining table, Mom’s presence was suffocating me so much. Parang isang pagkakamali ko lang ay mapapansin niya iyon sa akin kaya ayaw kong magtagal dito.

“Louen,” I stopped chewing when she called my name. “Do you want to go somewhere? Like a vacation?” she asked. Here she goes again, the reaching out part which was basically useless.

Umiling ako at nagpatuloy na sa pagkain. Why would I like to have a vacation? I’d rather lock myself inside the pole dancing room.

“How ’bout you, Ash?” I hear her ask my brother.

“No thanks, Mom. I’m busy.”

I almost laughed when Ash sounded like Dad.

My mom chuckled a little and handed us the dish. “Gano’n ba? Okay, next time na lang pala,” she said and tried to act like it was not awkward around us. Dad is on a business trip again. He’s always busy with his company.

Malakas na tumunog ang phone ni Mom. Here we go again.

“Excuse me, I’ll just answer this.” She smiled and stand up before she answered the call.

I counted. One, two, three, four, five, go . . .

“Ahm, kids, I have an emergency at the hospital, I have to go. See you tomorrow morning, okay?” she said and kissed us on our forehead, and ran outside, bringing her nurse uniform.

Mom is always busy too. Mom and Dad are both busy. Couple goals, right? Tsk!

“Wala na ’kong gana kumain.” I stand up, leave Ash alone, and lock myself inside my room.

While trying to sleep, my phone rang. Stacey’s calling.

“Hello, Stacey.”

“Hello there. We’re at the bar right now, just an on-the-spot party going here. Wanna come?” she asked.

I quickly sat on the bed. “Sure! Send me the address.”

“Sent! Ciao!” she flirty said.

I turned off the call. I ran to my walk-in closet. I just wore a Balenciaga and silver wedge heels. I also grabbed my leather jacket and sneak out of the house.

I head straight to the party.

---

“PARIS, you’re here and stunning as hell!” Stacey said and gave me a kiss on my cheeks.

“Thank you. You’re on fire too!” I complimented her.

Together with Faith and Devy, we drink and dance all night long. And end up getting wasted at the hotel.

I woke up when my phone alarm keeps ringing. I slowly opened my eyes and saw the sunrise shone on my face. A terror feeling ran on my whole system. Agad akong tumayo at kinuha ang aking gamit bago iwan sina Stacey sa room. Tumakbo ako palabas ng hotel.

“Oh my God,” I whisper. I’m late. Baka nasa bahay na si Mom at makita niyang wala ako roon.

I did my best to go home quickly and as I open the door, I let out a tiring breath, seeing that she was still not there. Good thing, hindi niya ako naabutan.

I walked towards the staircase when I heard a voice talking in the kitchen near the staircase. I slowly move closer to hear what they’re talking about. It’s our maids.

“Bakit po ba gano’n si Ma’am Louen? Parang iba ang ugali kina Ma’am Belle.” I think that’s the new maid asking.

“Ganito kasi ’yan, Betty. May istorya kasi na ang sabi, hindi naman daw talaga nabuntis ni Sir Milo si Ma’am Cybelle. Ang sabi, si Ma’am Cybelle daw ay desperadang mapasakanya si Sir, kaya kinuhanan daw niya ito ng sperm cell. Gano’n, mga pangmayamang proseso. ’Tapos parang napilitan lang si Sir Milo na panindigan si Ma’am, pero okay naman sila ngayon.” That’s out most trusted plastic maid. Mom trusts her so much yet she speaks like this behind my mom’s back!

“Grabe naman po pagkadesperada ni Ma’am Cybelle. Eh ’di parang hindi po ginusto ni Sir Milo si Ma’am Louen?” That word literally hits me so bad. Humigpit ang pagkakahawak ko sa leather jacket ko.

“Oo. Ang balita ko, mahal na mahal daw ni Sir Milo si Ma’am Amari, ’yong una niyang asawa.”

“Grabe naman po pala.”

“Grabe talaga! Hindi kapani-paniwala.”

They keep on talking but I’m too done with their words. I hold my jacket tight and go upstairs! They’re right, I’m just made out of desperation.

Chapter 2

LEAVE

I just took a rest for an hour before I woke up and prepared for my 10:30 a.m. class. I did my morning routine and curled my hair a bit before I dressed up and wore my university uniform. After that, I put my pole dancing training outfit inside my duffle bag, pati na rin ang knee and arm pads ko. Dahil every time my class ended, I’m heading straight to the practice room.

Pole dancing has been my sport from the very start. When I was 9 years old and joined gymnastics at my previous school, my coaches said that I should give it a try doing pole dancing, then it became my passion and the only thing that makes me relieve my stress.

Tiningnan ko ang aking sarili sa salamin bago ko inayos ang ilang hibla ng buhok na nakaharang sa aking mukha. Itinali ko sa kalahati ang aking buhok bago naglagay ng lip gloss sa aking mga labi.

I’m not into a colorful makeup look, I just want a simple and fresh kind of look when I go to my classes. It makes me feel comfortable. When I’m doing my training in pole dancing, I remove my makeup before starting, so it would be a waste of time if I work hard on my makeup then I will just remove it half of the day.

I took glance on my self for the last time before I grabbed my bag and step out of my room. Bumaba ako at agad nawala ang ngiti sa aking mga labi nang makita ko si Mom na kararating lang. Kung na-late pala ako, hindi pa rin ako mahuhuli, because what can I say? My mom is always busy and late.

Lalagpasan ko na sana siya at sa university na lang magbi-breakfast nang tawagin niya ako.

“Louen, good morning, darling,” she said, walk towards me, and kissed my cheeks.

I just nodded at her and walked away, gave her that cold treatment and didn’t give a d*mn on her second call. Kinuha ko ang susi ng aking sasakyan bago tumuloy sa parking.

I drove myself through the university and parked my car near our building, then attend my first class. Like Ash, I do study a lot, but not like him who didn’t stop studying. I just prioritize studying over anything.

Gusto kong makapagtapos hindi dahil iyon ang dapat: gusto ko dahil isa ito sa goal ko. I will never let go of my study kahit na ano’ng mangyari. I want to graduate and be an accountant.

I always dream of wearing an office uniform and working on my own, hindi umaasa sa pera ng magulang ko at nagagawa ko ang mga gusto kong gawin. I wanna live where I don’t need to expect anything from anyone.

As I move to my next class, I noticed one of my classmates kept on glancing at me. I often caught him staring at me. I don’t know his name but what he was doing creeps me out.

Sinubukan kong ’wag siyang pansinin at magpatuloy sa activity na ginagawa but I could still feel that he was not stopping. Kaya nang matapos ang klase, agad kong kinuha ang aking mga gamit at nagmamadaling lumabas ng room. But he followed me.

I walked even faster but he was still following me. Tumakbo ako sa hallway kung saan maraming student bago ko siya hinarap at tinanong.

“Why are you following me?” My brows furrowed at him.

Napakamot siya ng kanyang batok at nahihiyang tumingin sa akin. I stared at him and waited for him to speak.

“Ahm . . .” he uttered and got something from his bag.

Wait, I think I know him. He’s part of the varsity players.

“This is for you.”

My eyes widened when he handed me a Gucci paper bag with a box in it. Lahat ng estudyante sa paligid namin ay pinanonood kami at tila nagulat din gaya ko sa ibinibigay niya.

“For me?” I asked. He nodded with a shy smile. “Why?” I asked again because I’m so confused. Masyado itong mahal para ibigay lang sa babaeng hindi niya naman kakilala. I don’t really know him that much and we’re not even close.

“I like you,” he said, making the crowd react. “Can I court you?”

I smiled and slowly gave back what he handed me. “I’m sorry, I’m not open for any relationship and courting. I’m busy with my study and pole dancing. I’m sorry,” I said, quickly turning my back on him before walking fast towards the practice room. “He’s crazy,” I whisper. I mean, why would he buy an expensive thing and use it on his confession? Umiling na lang ako bago tumuloy sa restroom at nagpalit.

I just wear a Calvin Klein bralette and boyleg and top it with a cotton oversized blouse. Itinali ko ang blouse sa gilid para hindi ito maging sagabal sa pagsasayaw ko. I often practice alone dahil karamihan ng ibang pole dancer ay umaga ang training and I have a bit hectic schedule.

Nag-stretching muna ako bago tumuloy sa pole. I played the music before I stood in front of the pole and closed my eyes.

The beat started airing around the room, colliding with the passion spreading out of me and the fire of the music. I slowly touched my legs up to my stomach, then to my chest into the air. I started dancing and admiring the bewildering of the music.

Sick of all these people talking, sick of all this noise Tired of all these cameras flashing, sick of being poised Now my neck is open wide Begging for a fist around it Already choking on my pride So there’s no use crying about it

I lift up my body on the pole and do the V-invert position and turn into split invert and cross knee release. The music is strong and empowering, that’s why I’m putting a lot of strength on my upper body so I can do a swan spin.

I reach up near the end of the pole. I took a deep inhale before I do a twisted ballerina and fell to the near bottom of the pole.

I hissed and get off the pole. I didn’t get the level I want, masyado pa akong malayo sa rag. I need to be an inch away from it.

I stop the music and rewind it and start again from the top.

“One, two, three,” I whisper before I do the twisted ballerina again and fall an inch apart from the rag. My head almost hit the rag.

“Too close,” I whisper and tried again.

“A bit far.”

“Super close!”

“Nope. Again.”

Nakailang ulit ako. Pinunasan ko ang aking pawis bago umakyat muli sa mataas na parte ng pole. I did the twisted ballerina and when I was about to do the falling trick, It was Erille. One of the student in my class.

I stop and go down the pole. She smiled and walked towards my place.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“Twisted ballerina fall trick?” tanong niya sa akin. How did she know that?

I nodded as an answer. She smiled at me. “You need to be at the very tip to get that trick,” she said. Ibinaba niya ang kanyang bag at hinubad ang suot na dress. She’s wearing a white sando inside with black boyleg shorts. “Ganito,” sambit niya bago inulit ang tugtog at umakyat sa itaas ng pole.

I watched her close her eyes and smiled before he quickly did the twisted ballerina trick and hit the music so right when she did the fall trick. My lips parted as she got the right level I wanted.

Iminulat niya ang kanyang mga mata bago ako tiningnan. Nag-hand stand siya sa pole, lift her upper body using her legs and do inverted crucifix.

“Wow,” I whispered, making her look at me and smile.

“Try mo,” she said and pointed to the next pole beside her. I nodded and we both went up the pole. She showed me how she did it so quickly. “Wait for the beat. One, two, three.” We both fall at three. “Stop,” she said, and we both stop where the level I’d been wanting to stop at.

I looked at her filled with amusement. Bumaba siya sa pole at gano’n din ang aking ginawa.

“How did you know that?” tanong ko. My feelings were bouncing as I finally know how to hit that level.

“Ah, nagpo-pol—”

“Paris?”

We both looked at the door where my friends are standing with those rose brows. Looking at their frowning brows, disgusted and judgmental expression. I step forward and moved away from her.

Isinuot niya ang dress niya bago kinuha ang bag. Pumasok sina Stacey, Devy, at Faith at tiningnan siya mula ulo hanggang paa bago tumingin sa akin.

“What is she doing here, Paris?“Stacey asked me.

Napatingin ako sa kanya na ngayo’y nakayuko na. “I don’t know. She’s bothering me,” I said and avoided her gaze when she looked at me.

“Hey, wh*re, stop messing with my friends, okay? Or else . . .” Stacey pushed her and showed something on her phone. “. . . I’m gonna expose your sugar daddy.”

I gasped when I saw the girl beside me in the picture laying with an old man with money all over the place. Napatingin ako sa kanya at siya naman ngayon ang umiwas ng tingin.

“’Wag, aalis na ’ko. Sorry, hindi na mauulit,” she said and walked past Stacey. But Stacey didn’t let her go so easily. She pulled her dress which caused it to rip.

“Oh my gosh!” Devy said.

“Stacey, you’re so bad,” Faith said while laughing. The girl just shook her head, held her dress, and ran.

“Oh my G! That’s so hilarious, Stacey! You’re so on fire,” Devy said to Stacey and laughed together with Faith.

“Don’t worry, Paris, she won’t bother you again,” Stacey said and smiled at me. I just nodded at her.

“I’ll just change,” I uttered before I get my bag and change inside the restroom.

After changing, the four of us headed to the coffee shop.

“Paris, you’re going, right?!”

Tumigil ako sa pagbabasa ng updates sa social media ko nang magsalita si Stacey.

“Where?” I asked.

“To my cousin’s party. It’s tonight, right? Remember what I said that I’d pay for the drinks?”

Hindi ako nakasagot agad dahil alam kong alanganin ako kay Mom ngayon.

“Oh my gosh. Don’t tell me, you’re not coming with us, Paris?” Devy said.

“Oh, no! That’s a terror,” Faith said.

Stacey looked at me. “You would be such a KJ if you wouldn’t come. My cousin is your crush, right?”

Actually, I don’t really like his cousin. I’m just acting that I like him because I don’t want her to be offended.

“Ahm, sure, I’ll come,” I said and avoided their gaze.

We just talked then went home to prepare. Pagpasok ko sa bahay ay agad akong sinalubong ni Mom.

“Louen, how’s school?” she asked and kissed my cheeks.

“Mom, I’m going to a party tonight,” I said. I make it sound like the party is a must to attend.

“What? Party nino?” tanong ni Mom.

“My friend’s cousin’s birthday. It’s important. He invited me personally, so he’s expecting me to come, Mom, so I’m going, ok—”

She stopped me and look at me with those straight eyes. “No,” she answered.

“What no? You mean I can’t come?!” I asked in disbelief. This can’t be happening!

“Yes, you can’t go to that party, Louen. Better stay here at the house.”

“No, Mom, I need to go. He invited me,” pagpupumilit ko.

“No, Louen. You know me when I say no. You are not going anywhere tonight,” she seriously said.

“Yeah, I know you! You’re the worst mom!” I hissed and ran to my room, nakasalubong ko pa si Ash. He looked at me like he heard what I said. I just rolled my eyes at him and locked myself inside my room.

Patuloy lang akong nagdabog sa loob ng aking kuwarto hanggang sa mag-10 p.m. na. I know Mom is already sleeping at this time when she’s not at work.

I decided to sneak out again. I wear a pair of hot red Dior heels. I put makeup on and tie my hair up. Also put my phone, wallet, and cards in my purse before I slowly step out of my room. The lights were off already, only the kitchen lights were open.

I slowly go down without making any sounds. I head to the door, but my heart stops when I saw Mom standing outside. What the f*ck is she doing outside?!

She looked at me with furrowed brows. “Where are you going, young lady?”

Tumayo ako nang maayos at sinagot siya. “I’m going to the party whether you like it or not!” I looked at her fearlessly.

“Ano? Hindi ba sinabi ko nang hindi ka pupunta, Louen? You’re staying here!” she said.

“No way. I will go because I want to, you can’t stop me!” I hissed and walked past her but she grabbed my wrist and made me face her.

“Look at you, Louen! Hindi kita tinuruan ng ganito. Your friends are bad influence. Didn’t I tell you to stay away from them? Ang tigas ng ulo mo!” She started to get mad at me.

I smirk and said, “You don’t have the right to choose friends for me, Mom!!” If she’s mad, I’m mad too!

“But I have the right to choose what’s best for my daughter

! “ she said, emphasizing the word daughter.

“I don’t care about your rights!” I turned my back on her.

“What did you just say?” hindi makapaniwala niyang tanong.

I smiled in anger and faced her once again. “I said I don’t care about your rights as my mother!” I slowly said so she could understand. I see the pain in her eyes but I know that’s fake. “You weren’t there when I needed a mom to tell me what to do because you’re always busy with your precious work. Now that I don’t need any of your advice, you keep on bugging me!”

She just looks at me while I’m talking. Now she’s out of words! Kanina ang dami niyang sinasabi.

“You know what? It’s better if you stay on your work forever. I don’t really need a mom right now—”

I didn’t finish what I’m about to say when she slapped me real hard.

That suddenly fired my anger. “You know what? I mean it! I don’t need a mom! I don’t need a desperate mom like you!”

She slapped me once again. “How dare you say that to me?!” she madly said.

“Why? Aren’t you desperate, Mom? ’Di ba you are that desperate to make Dad love you, so you steal sperm cells from him just to make me and make him take the responsibility for this stupid act?” I said, making her stop.

“P-Paano—” I stopped her and smiled.

“Such a selfish and stupid act, Mom! Do you know the feeling? This f*cking feeling of knowing that I was made up by desperation and selfishness?” Anger was running all over my body, I can’t control it anymore.

“N-No!” Tears started falling from her eyes.

“I’m right, ’di ba? You are so desperate, Mom!” I shouted and heard the gates open. I slowly glanced at it and saw my dad.

He heard me, his aura became so dark. He walked towards us and slapped me so hard, making me feel numbness on my cheeks.

“How dare you disrespect your mom like that?!” Dad madly asked and looked at me fiercely.

“Why? It is true, Dad! She’s desperate, and you! You didn’t really love me! You are just making your responsibility to us. You don’t love me, that’s why you’re always not here because you can’t bear to see us! And that’s because of the stupidity that Mom did!”

“Milo!” Mom shouted when Dad slapped me once again, causing me to fall on the floor.

“I hate this house!” I shouted so loud.

“You hate it here? If you hate it so much, then leave! Bring all her things out! I don’t tolerate a daughter who doesn’t respect her parents! If you can’t respect us, then leave! I don’t need a daughter who doesn’t see good in her mother! Leave!”

Para akong nagising sa katotohanan nang sabihin iyon ni Dad.

“No, Dad, I don’t want to leave,” I uttered.

“You’re leaving this house! You don’t want to be ruled by living your life alone! You don’t know what your mom’s been through, and yet you have the guts to say those words to her!” Dad is so mad.

The maid stepped outside of the house with my things and brought them out of the gate.

“Leave my house now! Live your life like what you wanted to!” Dad said and pulled me out of the house.

“No, Dad! Please, Dad, no! You can’t do this!” I shouted and tried to hold his hand. Fear and pain started to eat me. No, please . . .

“I can,” he said and closed the gate. I wiped my tears. My anger built up once again. What they did is proof that they don’t really love me.

“Fine! I don’t need parents like you! I can stand on my own!”

Chapter 3

DECISION

“LOUEN, where are your parents? Why are you still waiting here outside? Let’s go inside.”

I was 10 years old when we had a family event at my school. We were told to bring our parents with us for the special day. I already said it to my mom and dad and they promised to come.

“I’ll wait for my mommy and daddy,” I said to my teacher and kept playing with my fingers, waiting for our car to come. I’m standing beside the gate of our school to wait for them. Maybe they’re just late and buying food to bring.

While waiting, isa-isa nang pumasok ang mga kaklase ko kasama ang mga magulang nila, I smiled and imagined that I’d be also walking inside together with my mom and dad.

An hour passed and my teacher goes back to check on me. She held my hand while holding her phone on the other side. I suddenly feel what she was going to say kaya inunahan ko na siya.

“Wait for them a little bit more. Mommy and Daddy are coming,” I uttered and smiled.

My teacher gave me a small smile at me before she wiped my forehead sweats. “You’re mom and dad called. Your mom has an emergency at the hospital and your dad has an unexpected important meeting, that’s why they said sorry they won’t be able to attend the party, but they ordered pizza for all of us. I will be your guardian for today, let’s go.” She reached for my hand and gently pushed me inside the venue.

I glanced back and still hope to see Mom and Dad coming, but as we enter the venue, I lose hope and just watched the other kids play with their parents.

I bite my lower lip to control my tears. I try to laugh at other families having fun.

“Louen, come here.” I look at my teacher when she called me. “You will join Cloe’s family for now because they need another member, so they can join the sack race. Can you do that?” she gently asked. I craned and tilted my head before I looked at Cloe’s family smiling at me.

I nodded and let her bring me to Cloe’s family.

“Hi, Louen. Play with us, okay?” Cloe’s mother sweetly said and tapped my head before she looked at her daughter and kissed her forehead. “Good luck to us, baby,” she whispered.

I just watched them cheering each other before the game started.

“We can do this!” Cloe’s father said before we started playing the sack race.

We reached the line first. We ended up winning. “Yehey!!” they shouted and hugged Cloe, while I slowly removed the sack from my feet. I watched them and smiled bitterly before I walked away and just stay in the restroom for the whole day.

---

“LET’S call on our honor students. Helena Galvez, Paris Mikka Louen Del Mundo, and Faye Trias, together with their parents.”

I bit my lower lip as this situation happened again. I stood up and walked alone into the stage while Faye and Lena were escorted by their parents.

“They are the most outstanding students in this batch,” the emcee said while the principal started giving the medals to their parents.

Since I’m at the last line, the principal stopped when she didn’t see any parents beside me. I smiled at her. Nakita ko ang awa sa kanyang mga mata kaya siya na ang nagsuot nito para sa akin. Tumabi siya sa akin sa picture taking. That didn’t cheer me up, it just makes me feel lonely.

I graduated alone and received my award alone.

My phone rang. I answered it while standing outside the graduation venue. “Hello?”

“Louen darling, congratulations. I hope Nana is there to attend your graduation.” It’s my Grandma Blace.

I bit my lower lip to control my tears. I wish she was here so I don’t feel alone.

“It’s okay, Nana, I understand. Palawan is far from Manila, and traveling will just make you and Dada tired,” I said, trying to hide my cracking voice.

“Where’s your mom? Let me talk to her,” Nana said but I quickly made an excuse.

“Po? Yes, teacher, I’m coming. Nana, I have to go. My teacher said we’ll take pictures together with our parents. I will just call you later,” I quickly said.

“Okay, okay. I love you, Louen darling,” Nana said before I turned off the call.

I wiped my tears using the back of my arms and go home alone.

---

I WAS not expecting Dad to react like that. Pinatunayan niya lang sa akin na hindi talaga nila ako mahal. Mom didn’t even do anything to stop Dad from pushing me away. That hurts so bad.

Maybe it’s better this way. Hindi ko na kailangan mag-expect ng kung ano mula sa kanila. Expecting just leads to painful realizations.

I walked out of our subdivision while pulling my things on the street. As I reached the gate, to drive me to my friend’s house.

Pagbaba ko sa tapat ng bahay nina Stacey, I could already hear the music and party inside, so I went inside and looked for them. Nakita ko sila sa dulong table sa pool area ng bahay nina Stacey.

“Stacey,” I said and smiled at her. When she saw me, she quickly stood up and walked toward my place then kissed me on my cheeks.

“I almost thought that you were not coming. Good thing you’re here na . . .” She stopped and looked at the luggage beside me. “What’s that?” she asked.

I smiled awkwardly before I answered her question. “I got kicked out of the house. Can I stay here for a while?” I asked.

She smiled and nodded so quickly. “Sure! Let me bring you to our guest room.”

Hinawakan niya ang braso ko at dinala ako sa second floor ng bahay nila and showed me the guest room.

“You can stay here whenever you want,” she said and winked at me.

I smiled at her and hugged her. “Thank you so much,” I said.

“I’ll leave you here and just wait for you downstairs, okay? Feel at home,” she said before closing the door, leaving me.

I felt so relieved because I have friends like her. I was smiling when the door opens again.

“Stacey, why did you come ba—”

Hindi ko natapos ang sasabihin ko nang makita kong hindi si Stacey ang nagbukas ng pinto.

“Diego?” It’s Stacey’s cousin. “Ahm, happy birthday,” I uttered. I remembered Stacey made this party for him.

He smiled at me. “Thank you so much, Louen. Didn’t expect that you’re this nasty,” he said and closed the door as he went inside.

Kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya. Napaatras ako. “Ano’ng ibig mong sabihin?” I asked, but he was just taking a step closer to me.

“I know you’re the gift their talking about. I just don’t expect it to be true like this,” he said and moved closer. Tumama ako sa kama at napaupo ako. Agad niya akong itinulak pahiga.

“Diego!” I said and tried to push him away when he moved above me and locked me with his arms side by side.

“We’ll enjoy this night together, Louen,” he whispered and locked both of my wrists above my head and started kissing my neck.

“No! Diego, stop! Help! No!” I shouted. Nagpumigilas ako pero mas lalo lang humigpit ang pagkakahawak niya sa akin. “Stacey! No! Help me! Stacey! Diego, stop, please!”

Tears started to fall from my eyes as fear runs down my whole body. I could feel his dirty lips sucking and licking my skin.

I kicked his thing down there, making him whimper in pain and roll beside the bed. That’s when I grab the chance to stand up and run out the door crying.

“Stacey!” I shouted and open the door, but I was taken aback when I saw all of them standing behind the door, taking pictures of me and smiling at me.

“Did you enjoy my cousin, Louen? Happy unvirgin day!” she said and they all laughed together. Tears flow from my eyes. I covered myself in front of them, feeling so dirty and trash right now.

“How could you do this to me?!” I asked.

They all smile. “Because we want to!” they said in unison and laughed even louder.

I grabbed my things, pushed them away, and ran out of that hell place. I feel so ashamed and played. All this time, they weren’t really a friend to me. Tears keep on flowing and I roughly wipe my neck. Binaboy nila ako!

Nanghihina akong tumigil sa gilid ng kalsada at tuluyang bumigay at umiyak. I hugged my knees and cry.

I tried calling Nana. She’s all I need right now. She’s the only one who can understand me.

“Nana.” I cry so hard beside the street. I’m in so much pain right now; the feeling of being unloved and betrayed was overflowing. I don’t even know what to feel. I wiped my tears and looked at the streets. I’m all alone now.

I stopped when I saw Erille. She looked so different. She was wearing a white crop top corset and short shorts together with black boots. I even saw the tattoos on her arms. She looks so different from Erille Stacey used to bully in school.

She’s also smoking while walking with a tall guy. They both entered the club. I suddenly got curious and stood up. I followed them inside. Good thing the guard didn’t notice me because he was talking to someone.

As I enter the club, loud music, rowdy people, and colorful playing lights surround the place. A lot of men are inside, drinking, laughing, talking, and watching. I stopped when I saw what they are watching.

There were a lot of pole stages around and at the middle stage in front of me, I saw her . . .

Erille was dancing in front.

Parang nag-slow motion sa akin ang paggawa niya ng ballerina twist sa itaas. She was dancing filled with passion and blazing fire. She was wearing super sexy clothes.

Money was falling on the stage. She swayed her lips, then men went wild and kept throwing money at her. They were all admiring her body, while I see the passion in her pole dancing. Dedication, wanting, and feelings.

“Hi, miss. Worker ka din dito?”

I stopped watching Erille when this old guy grabbed my arms and asked me. Agad akong lumayo sa kanya pero hindi niya binitiwan ang braso ko.

“No, I’m not working here. Let go of me!” I said and tried to push him away.

“Naku, pakipot ka pa. Sige na, doble ang ibabayad ko sa ’yo,” nakakadiri niyang sambit kaya mas lalo akong nagpumiglas sa kanya.

“I said, let go of me!” I shouted.

“Louen?!”

Napatingin ako sa stage nang tumigil ang tugtog. Nakatingin sa akin si Erille. Agad siyang bumaba sa stage at tinanggal ang kamay ng matandang nakahawak sa aking braso.

“She’s not working here, find another girl,” she said and brought me to the room of staff and entertainers.

“Ano’ng ginagawa mo dito, Louen?!” hindi makapaniwalang tanong Erille.

Hindi ako agad nakapagsalita dahil ibang-iba talaga siya ngayong nakikita ko siya nang malapitan. She also has a lot of piercing on her ears.

“I followed you because I saw you.”

Kunot-noo niya akong tiningnan. “Baliw ka ba? Bakit mo naman ako susundan? At isa pa, bakit may dala kang ? Teka, umiyak ka ba? Ano ’to?”

Hinawakan niya ang leeg ko at tiningnan ito. That’s when I remember what I’m going through. Suddenly, I saw my Nana on her questions, so I immediately hugged her. She was taken aback when I hugged her and started crying in her arms.

“My parents kicked me out of the house, my friends tried to make me get raped, and I have nowhere to go,” I whispered in pain.

Hindi nagsalita si Erille, niyakap niya lang ako pabalik hanggang sa kumalma ako. Pinainom niya ako ng tubig.

“Puwede kang tumira kasama ko,” she said while I’m drinking. I stopped and looked at her. “Mag-isa lang naman ako sa apartment ko kaya sa akin ka na lang tumira,” she said and smiled at me.

I felt so weak and just hugged her. Thank you so much.

---

“PASENSIYA ka na, hindi pangmayaman ang apartment ko. Mahirap lang kasi ako kaya ako nagtrabaho sa club para may pantustos sa pag-aaral at pamilya ko. Bitiwan mo na lang ang gamit mo d’yan,” Erille said as we enter her small apartment.

Napatingin ako sa maliit na refrigerator niya na puno ng bayarin sa ilaw at tubig.

“Ako lang mag-isa dito. Nasa probinsiya ang pamilya ko kaya wala kang dapat ipag-alala” She opened the small pan for me. “Isa lang ang kuwarto dito kaya puwedeng tabi na lang tayo. At isa pa, lagi naman akong wala ’pag gabi kaya mas makakatulog ka nang maayos,” she said and opened the door of her room. Tinulungan niya akong ilagay ang mga gamit ko sa loob.

“Erille . . .” I called her. She looked at me and smiled. “I don’t have money to pay for the rent and other expenses,” I said and looked down.

“Ako na’ng bahala do’n,” she said and winked at me.

---

A WEEK passed by, hiyang-hiya na ako kay Erille dahil halos siya lang ang gumagastos para sa akin; sa pagkain ko rito sa bahay at sa school. Binibigyan niya pa ako ng pera tuwing aalis siya kaya may baon ako kinabukasan.

Wala lang sa kanya lahat ng iyon pero hiyang-hiya na ako at hindi ko gustong iasa na lang sa kanya ang lahat.

I was sitting on the sofa, waiting for her to go home. I finally made up my decision. I wanna do this to help her too.

“Ay, apo! Ang init na agad sa labas, ang aga-aga pa!”

The door opened and Erille went inside. Agad akong tumayo at tinulungan siyang ilagay sa kusina ang ipinamili niyang groceries.

“O, bakit nandito ka pa? Wala ka bang klase?” she asked while removing her earrings.

Huminga ako nang malalim bago nagsalita. “Erille, I want to work,” I said.

“Saan naman?” tanong niya, binubura ang makeup at saka uminom ng tubig.

“I want to be a stripper.”

Naibuga niya ang iniinom dahil sa sinabi ko at nanlalaki ang mga matang tiningnan ako.

“Ano?!”

Chapter 4

FEELING GOOD

“I WANT to be a stripper.”

“Ano?!” Pinunasan niya ang kanyang mga labi at tiningnan ang sahig na basa ng tubig na kanyang ibinuga.

“Gusto ko nang magtrabaho. Ayaw ko namang umasa na lang sa ’yo hanggang kailan ko gusto. I want to help you pay the house expenses,” sabi ko at iniabot sa kanya ang basahan sa sahig.

“Pero bakit pagiging stripper pa? Alam mo ba’ng ginagawa doon?!” sambit niya at sinimulang punasan ang sahig gamit ang kanyang paa. “Sumasayaw ang stripper at naghuhubad sa harap ng mga lalaki. Gano’n ang stripper, Louen, baka hindi mo alam.”

“Yeah, I know, and I’ve already watched you do it,” I said, making her stop wiping the floor and look at me.

Tumayo siya at nakapamaywang akong tiningnan. “Hindi porke’t ginagawa ko, gagawin mo din, sira!” she said and hit my forehead using her fingers.

“If you can do it, I can do it too. Isa pa, it’s the easiest job I could find. ’Pag maghahanap pa ako ng iba, baka makaapekto ang oras nito sa pag-aaral ko. Not like being a stripper that I’ll just do it at night,” pagpapaliwanag ko.

“Hindi ba muntikan ka nang ma-rape?! ’Tapos gusto mo mag-stripper? ’Pag naging stripper ka, doon talagang mari-rape ka nang wala sa oras!” she said and started putting the groceries in the fridge.

“Can you do anything about it? Please, Rie, gusto kong kumita ng sarili kong pera. Sige na, Rie, parang aw—”

She cut me off. “Hoy! Anong parang awa mo na? Don’t beg, okay? Sige, kung ’yan ang gusto mo, wala na ’kong magagawa d’yan. Pero binalaan na kita, Louen. Mas delikado pa sa pagpo-police ang stripper,” she said and seriously looked at me. I nodded at her.

After that, we started eating breakfast together. “Kung gusto mong maging stripper, tatanungin kita: Hanggang saan ang kaya mong gawin?” seryoso niyang tanong sa akin habang kumakain ng itlog.

“I can dance . . . I can do a sexy dance, I can stri—”

Hindi niya ako pinatapos. “Hindi ako papayag na mag-strip ka nang tuluyan doon. Siguro puwedeng strip hanggang two-piece lang, pero naked, no!” she said with furrowed eyebrows. I smiled. She acted like a mom.

“I’m okay with that,” sagot ko at nginitian siya.

“Kung gusto mong pasukin ang mundo ko, kailangan mong maging handa, kaya kailangan muna kitang i-train,” Erille said and continue eating. I nodded and ate too.

---

“FIRST: Being a stripper should be fearless. ’Wag mong ipapakita na mahina ka dahil sa mundong iyon, lakas ng loob ang kailangan at hindi dignidad,” sambit ni Rie habang nakaupo kami sa loob ng practice room sa university.

After class, she said we should train, that’s why we’re here.

“Second: There are good nights and bad nights: mga gabing malakas ang kita at mahina. Hindi araw-araw pare-parehas ang presyo ng kikitain mo. May gabing wala kang kikitain pero kailangan mong tanggapin. Ang pagiging stripper ay parang bike: hindi aandar kung hindi ka papadyak.”

She’s so mature, I can see that what she was saying was reflecting her personality. She’s fearless.

“Third: Play with boys just like how you play with fire. Boy and mens are dangerous, but you have to know how to dominate them. Sa pagiging stripper, alam mo dapat kung sa itaas ka o sa ibaba. Kaya kang bilhin ng mga lalaki gamit ang pera pero dapat kaya mo silang paikutin gamit ang katawan mo.

“Fourth: When you’re at the pole, don’t think about the money, think about the sensation that the music gives you, para may maganda kang performance. Ang club na papasukan mo ay may tatlong pole stage: the center stage kung saan may isang pole; dalawang rounds kang sasayaw. Next is the side stage: magkabilang gilid ng main stage. At the side pole, you’ll dance once and get a tip personally from men. And the last stage is on the VIP stage kung saan isang bagsakan ang mga pera. One round of music lang doon kaya you have to give your best to earn a big amount of money.”

I nodded, memorizing what she was saying.

“Fifth, the last one: Don’t fall for men’s sweet trash words. Remember they just want you when you’re dancing. They just want your body and not your heart, tandaan mo ’yan,” sambit ni Rie at saka tumayo, itinali ang kanyang buhok at nagpatugtog. “Tara, let’s dance,” she said and walked to the pole.

I smiled and followed her.

“Dahil baguhan ka, malamang mag-o-audition ka. At ito lang ang masasabi ko: mahilig ang house mom sa tempting music na puno ng sensation, kaya dapat pumili ka ng maganda,” sambit ni Erille habang paakyat sa itaas ng pole at nagsimulang gumawa ng tricks.

I stayed silent and tried to think of music while Rie started dancing. I need music that could set me on fire while I’m on the pole. Anong kanta?

Erille and I practiced ’til 6 p.m. We decided to go home and eat dinner before she’d go to work.

“Lock mo ’yong pinto, Louen. Good night,” Rie said and smiled at me before she closed the door. I locked it just like she said.

Umupo ako sa kama at nag-isip ng music na puwede kong gamitin.

While scrolling on my phone, I stop when I saw a picture of me with my family. I smiled bitterly. “I think they’re happy now that I’m gone,” I whisper and deleted the picture.

If they don’t want me, I don’t need them.

I spend my whole night thinking of a song and start making choreography. I just woke up the next morning fully decided. I already have my music.

Linggo ngayon kaya wala akong pasok. Ang sabi ni Rie, mamayang hapon daw niya ako dadalhin para mag-audition.

Hindi na ako nagsayang ng oras at tumuloy sa university kahit wala akong class. I used the practice room to practice and went home before lunch. Naaubutan kong nagluluto si Rie pag-uwi ko kaya agad ko siyang tinulungan sa paghahanda ng plato para kumain.

“Nakausap ko na ang house mom. Okay na raw ang bilang ng babae sa club pero nang sinabi kong bata ko ang ipapasok ko, pumayag siya. Kaya kailangan mong galingan, Louen. Isa pa, alam ko namang magaling ka na kaya hindi ako natatakot magbitiw ng salita,” nakangiting sambit ni Erille habang sumusubo ng gulay.

That made me feel pressured but I need to be confident. I need that job.

Habang kumakain, napansin ko ang malaking pasa sa braso ni Rie. Sahil may tattoo siya, hindi ito masyadong halata sa unang tingin, pero ’pag tinitingnan mo ito nang malapitan, pasa nga ito.

“Rie what’s that on your arms?” tanong ko.

Tumigil siya sa pagkain at tiningnan ang kanyang braso. “Ah, ’yan. Agresibo kasi ’yong binatang customer ko kagabi kaya medyo napahigpit ang pagkakahawak niya sa ’kin pero okay lang ’yan: kasama sa trabaho ’yan.”

Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya at nakaramdam ng takot. Agad napansin ni Rie ang reaksiyon ko kaya ngumiti siya.

“’Wag kang mag-alala, hindi ko papayagang may humawak sa ’yo doon. Sasayaw ka lang doon at walang sinuman ang mababayad para makuha ka,” she said and smiled at me.

I tilt my head and realized how kind-hearted Erille is. I just hope that I could stay with her forever.

“Rie, wanna hear something interesting?” tanong ko sa kanya. Napatingin siya sa akin, kunot ang noo.

“Ano?” tanong niya.

“I wasn’t made by love nor sex,” sambit ko na lalong ikinagulo ng kanyang ekspresyon.

“Ano?”

I chuckled and bit my lower lip bitterly.

“My mom and dad were childhood friends. But my dad studied abroad, that’s why they grew apart from each other, but Mom’s love for my dad didn’t disappear. Through the years, she waited for him until he came back, but my dad came back engaged with another girl. My mom badly wanted my dad so she stole a sperm cell from him with the use of their doctor friend, then I was made,” I said and laughed in pain, knowing that I wasn’t made by love and that makes me feel angrier.

“Kaya ba lumayas ka sa bahay n’yo?” tanong ni Rie. That made me laugh even more.

“Hindi ako naglayas, pinalayas ako,” I said.

“Ako naman, anak sa labas, hindi rin ginawa sa pagmamahal: gawa lang ng kalib*gan. ’Tapos mahirap pa kami. Binuhay nila ’ko para bigyan sila ng pera pagtanda ko. Banko yarn ?”

Erille was laughing but pain showed in her eyes.

“Ako’ng nagpaaral sa sarili ko no’ng nasa probinsiya ako, kasi hindi naman gagawin ng magulang ko iyon para sa ’kin. ’Tapos nakipagsapalaran ako dito sa Manila para kumita. Ngayon buhay pa rin naman ako at nakaka-survive,” she said and laugh. I just laugh together with her and continue eating.

After eating, I continue memorizing the steps and tempo of the music.

“Ready ka na?” tanong ni Erille sa akin habang inaayos ko ang buhok ko.

Nginitian ko siya at saka kinuha ang bag ko at sumunod sa kanya.

“Trike!” sigaw ni Rie sa tricycle driver. Agad itong pumunta palapit sa amin at sumakay kaming dalawa rito. “Manong, sa Club Fire,” ani Erille at dinala kami sa tapat ng club.

Bumababa ako at tiningnan ang club. Iba ang itsura nito sa umaga at sa gabi.

“Manong, bakit singkuwenta lang ito? Aba, tagbente lang kami nitong kasama ko, ang payat pa namin ’tapos 25 singil mo sa amin? Manong naman, ’wag sugapa. 60 sukli ko, amin na ang sampu.”

Napatingin ako kay Rie nang magreklamo ito sa tricycle driver.

“Ito naman, sampu na lang, eh,” singhal ng driver bago umalis.

“Aba, hindi mabubuo ang 100 kung walang sampu!” sigaw ni Rie kaya pinigilan ko na siya at hinila sa loob. Makikipag-away pa, eh.

“Justine, ang ingay mo na naman!”

Napatingin kami sa matandang babaeng nakatayo sa tapat ng pole stage. Tinutukoy niya si Erille. Justine ang second name niya kaya alam kong siya ang tinutukoy nito.

“Siya ang house mom,” ani at dinala ako sa harapan nito.

Tiningnan ako nito mula ulo hanggang paa at tinaasan ng kilay. “Magsimula ka na,” sambit niya bago umupo sa harapan ng stage.

‘Walang tao rito sa loob dahil maaga pa kaya wala akong dapat ikahiya,’ paalala ko sa aking sarili bago tiningnan si Rie at tumuloy sa stage.

“Go, Louen!” sambit ni Rie at saka umupo sa tabi ng house mom. Ngumiti ako sa kanya bago

Tumayo ako sa stage at hinubad ang aking jacket at palda. Now I’m just wearing black panty and a crop tank top. I looked at the house mom straight in the eyes before the music plays.

I choose this music because this is what I feel when I’m dancing: Feeling Good by Michael Buble.

Birds flying high You know how I feel

I started my sensual steps and walked around the pole temptingly.

Sun in the sky You know how I feel Breeze driftin’ on by You know how I feel

It’s a new dawn It’s a new day It’s a new life for me

I slowly slip and lift my body up the pole and do an advanced plank trick and next, a tuck invert. I swayed my hair and went up the pole. I did a V-invert pose and slowly went down in that position, and went down the floor and moved my body as the instrument of the music hit. I crawled and grind on the floor humanely and touch every part of my body.

And I’m feeling good

I finished the music and stood up, bow my head and wait for the house mom’s reaction.

“Okay, pasok ka na. Maghanda ka para mamaya,” sambit niya. Agad siyang tumayo at umalis. Ngumiti sa akin si Erille bago nag-thumbs up at sinundan ito.

I smiled and dress up. Agad akong napatakip ng katawan nang may biglang pumasok. “Ay!” I uttered and covered myself.

He quickly turned his back and scratch his head. “Sorry, hindi ko alam na may mag-o-audition pala ngayon,” he said and keep on facing the back. I quickly dress up because of that.

Suddenly, Rie showed up. Binatukan niya ito nang malakas. “Bakit nandito ka na kaagad? ’Kala ko ba, may gimik ka?” tanong ni Rie sa kanya.

He faced Rie, then I realized na siya ’yong kasama ni Rie dati no’ng una ko siyang nakitang pumasok sa club na ito.

“Louen, ito si Six. DJ siya dito, siya ang lalapitan mo bago ka mag-perform, kaya dapat makilala mo siya. Six, siya si Louen, kaibigan ko. Magtratrabaho na siya dito,” pagpapakilala ni Erille sa amin.

Humarap sa akin si Six bago ngumiti. He’s tall and handsome. Blonde ang buhok niya at ang ganda ng pagkabagsak nito. May tattoo siya sa gilid ng kanyang leeg. He also has a broad shoulders and long thighs, good body posture, at napakaangas niyang tingnan sa simpleng kulay itim na T-shirt.

“Hi, nice to meet you. I’m Xyrus Iris Santos—Six for short,” he said and offered me his hand.

I smiled at him and nodded. “Louen,” sambit ko.

“Himala! Nagpakilala ka sa totoo mong pangalan,” ani Erille.

“Nagpapakilala lang ako ng Six sa mga hindi ko sineseryosong babae,” sagot ni Six na patuloy pa rin ang pagngiti sa akin.

“Ah, talaga? Eh ’di wow!” sambit ni Rie bago ako hinila papasok sa staff room.

“Mukhang matagal na kayong magkakilala, ah,” tanong ko kay Rie nang simulan niya akong ayusan.

“Sa kasamaang-palad, oo. Sabay kaming pumasok dito kaya nagkasama,” sambit ni Rie at sinimulang ayusin ang buhok ko.

“Ano’ng nangyari sa usapan n’yo ng house mom?” tanong ko.

“Tawagin mo siyang Cherille. Simula ngayong talent ka na niya, dapat alam mo ang pangalan niya. At ’wag kang mag-alala, napagusapan na namin ang plano ko at pumayag siya: sasayaw ka lang dito at hindi ka maaaring mabayaran ng kahit na sino para maikama,” ani Rie.

“Paano mo siya napapayag nang gano’n?”

“Sabihin na lang natin na kapag may utang-na-loob ka talaga sa tao, hindi mo matatanggihan ang hiling nito.”

May utang-na-loob sa kanya si Ma’am Cherille?

“’Wag ka na nga mag-isip ng kung ano d’yan. Ang mahalaga, galingan mo mamaya. At ’wag kang matatakot, nandito lang ako,” she said and smiled at me.

Naghintay kami hanggang mag-10 p.m. bago naghanda.

“Louen, maghanda ka na. El ang itatawag ko sa ’yo; iyon ang stage name mo, ah. Ikaw ang una kong isasalang sa main stage,” sambit ni Ma’am Cherille bago lumabas.

Tiningnan ako ni Erille. “Suotin mo ito.” Pinagsuot niya ako ng lace eye mask at sinamahan akong lumabas.

Lumapit kami kay Six sa DJ’s spot at ibinigay ang tugtog ko. “Good luck, Louen,” he said and winked at me. I smiled at him and went behind the stage.

Huminga ako nang malalim bago pumikit at inihanda ang aking sarili.

“Our first sizzling dance will be performed by our new dancer, a firing lady with passion and sexual movement! Let’s all welcome, El!”

As I was called on stage, I opened my eyes and stood in front of the pole while men were shouting and alluring me with their gaze.

Birds flying high You know how I feel The sun in the sky You know how I feel Breeze driftin’ on by You know how I feel

It’s a new dawn It’s a new day It’s a new life for me

Sexual shouts and money flew on stage as I started dancing and stripping.

So, this is the view of a stripper: dancing lights, flying sums of money, and amazing feeling.

The feeling was firing, the movements were alive, and the fire on stage and this pole runs into my veins. I didn’t feel this kind of fire when I performed in school and competitions. This feeling was unusual and on fire.

I closed my eyes as I did the V-invert tricks and slowly fall. I closed my eyes and opened them with a smirk on my lips.

Sumabay ako sa lyrics ng kanta. “And I’m feeling good.”

Chapter 5

PLAY WITH FIRE

“WHOA!” Malalakas na sigawan ang naririnig ko tuwing matatapos akong mag-perform sa main stage. Puno ng pera ang stage na aking kinatatayuan.

I step out of the stage and went inside the staff room kung saan naghihintay si Erille. “Ang galing mo, Louen!” sambit niya at niyakap ako.

I smiled and hugged her back. Nawala ang kabang nararamdaman ko at tila mas nanaig ang satisfaction sa akin.

“El,” tumigil kami ni Rie sa pagyayakapan nang tawagin ako ni Ma’am Cherille. “Ito ang kinita mo ngayong gabi, ikinaltas ko na d’yan ang 5k. Sa ’yo na lahat ’yan.” She handed me the money. “35k ang kinita mo ngayong gabi, galingan mo pa bukas,” she said and leave.

Hindi ako makapaniwala sa aking narinig kaya napatitig ako sa pera na nasa aking palad. In just one performance, I earned this amount of money? No way.

“Ang galing mo, Louen! O, maupo ka muna d’yan, hintayin mo ’ko,” sambit ni Erille at pinaupo ako sa upuan sa tapat ng salamin. Nanatili akong tulala hanggang sa tuluyan nang lumabas si Erille.

Tiningnan ko ang aking sarili sa salamin at pati na rin ang pera sa aking kamay. Kinita ko ’to? Pera ko ’to? I slowly smiled, fulfiled, and looked at the money. Ramdam ko ang saya ng performance ko, ibang-iba sa pakiramdam ko ’pag sumasayaw sa university.

I didn’t expect that this night would be as great as this. I smiled and hugged the money and looked at myself. This is my new world.

After Erille’s performance, kumita rin siya nang medyo malaki

Habang bumibili ako ng mga bagay na gusto ko, tila tumatalon sa tuwa ang puso ko. Sobrang saya na alam mong ang perang ginagastos mo ay hindi galing sa iyong magulang.

I will prove to them that I can stand on my own. Now that I’m earning money like this, I can surely live without them.

“Louen, bagay sa ’yo ’to.” Erille handed me a red sexy dress that I could wear on performing. “Sukatin mo, dali,” she said and pushed me to the dressing room. Kung ano-anong klase ng dress ang ipinasusuot niya sa akin at lahat iyon ay binili namin.

We laugh and have real fun. We attended our classes and practiced some tricks in the practice room. I’ve been enjoying this new life of mine with Erille. At least I have someone who is true to me. And I know that I’m safe in her hands.

---

“HI, El. For you,” bungad ni Six pagpasok namin sa club. Binigyan niya ako ng isang box ng Ferrero chocolates.

Kunot-noo ko siyang tiningnan at saka nagpasalamat. “Thank you, Six,” I said.

“Saan ’yong akin?” tanong ni Rie sa kanya.

“Walang sa ’yo. Bleh!” pang-aasar ni Six kay Erille bago ako hinarap at nginitian bago tumuloy sa DJ spot. Napailing na lang ako at tumuloy na kami ni Erille sa loob ng staff room.

“Rie,” I called her, making her face me while putting down her bag in her locker.

“Oh?”

“Sa ’yo na lang, hindi kasi ako mahilig sa chocolate,” sabi ko at iniabot sa kanya ang chocolate na ibinigay ni Six.

Tumuloy ako sa dressing room. Isinuot ko ang binili naming beige dress at sa ilalim nito ay isang nude color na two-piece, pati na rin ang bagong bili kong mask na kulay beige din. I just put on some makeup and let Rie fix my hair. Then I step onto the stage.

Malakas na sigawan ang aking narinig. I smirked and danced with the pole and set the club on fire.

---

A WEEK passed by, I started loving my job and always giving my best, so I also earned a lot of money just for a week.

I opened my eyes, stood off the bed, and went inside the bathroom to wash my face. Maaga ang pasok ko ngayon sa first class ko kaya maaga rin akong gumising.

Lumabas ako ng kuwarto at naabutan si Rie na nakaupo sa sofa at nakadantay ang ulo sa sandalan nito. She looks so pale.

“Rie, are you okay?” I asked her and walked toward her.

Iminulat niya ang kanyang mga mata nang dahan-dahan at nagsimulang umubo.

“Louen, hindi maganda ang pakiramdam ko,” she said.

Hinawakan ko ang noo at leeg niya. Mainit siya.

“You’re sick.” I helped her lie on the bed inside the room.

“Hindi muna ’ko papasok ngayon sa university, papahinga muna ako para makapasok ako sa trabaho mamaya,” she said.

“Okay,” I said and brought everything that she might need: a towel, a bowl of warm water, drinking water, and food.

“Papasok lang ako. Half day lang naman ako kaya makakauwi din ako kaagad,” I said and put the wet water on her forehead before I leave the place.

Pumasok ako sa university at ginawa ang mga activity ko. After that, dumeretso agad ako ng uwi sa bahay at inalagaan si Erille. Hindi bumababa ang lagnat niya at wala rin siyang ganang kumain.

“’Wag ka nang pumasok ngayong gabi, sasabihin ko kay Ma’am Cherille na hindi maganda ang pakiramdam mo,” I said, making her look at me.

“Ikaw, papasok ka?” tanong niya habang pinupunasan ko ang braso niya. Tumango ako bilang sagot. “’Wag ka na lang din kayang pumasok? Wala ako, baka kung ano’ng mangyari ’pag pumasok ka doon,” nag-aalala niyang sambit.

“Ano ka ba, okay na ’ko, kaya ko pumasok mag-isa. At isa pa, wala namang mangyayaring masama. Sayang ang kita kung hindi ako papasok ngayon at para na rin may pambayad tayo ng koryente bukas. Magpahinga ka lang dito at uuwi ako kaagad,” I said and smiled at her with assurance.

“Hindi ako kampanteng papasok kang mag-isa, Louen. Baka—”

“Rie, papasok ako. Kaya ko, okay? ’Wag ka nang mag-alala, please?” Tiningnan ko siya nang mabuti at saka nginitian.

Huminga siya nang malalim bago tumango. “Tawagan mo ’ko ’pag may nangyari, ah,” she said and closed her eyes.

“Ako na’ng bahala. Magpahinga ka lang d’yan,” I uttered and grabbed my bag before I gazed at her. I fixed the brim of the blanket before leaving the house.

Bago pumasok sa club, naisipan kong bumili ng gamot para kay Erille at mga prutas para pag-uwi ko mamaya, deretso na lang ako sa bahay. Pagpasok ko sa loob ng club, nakita ko si Six.

“Good evening, Six,” bati ko.

Agad niya akong hinarap. “Hi, Louen.” He smiled at me so charmingly, but he stopped when he didn’t see Erille beside me. “’Saan si Erille?” tanong niya.

“May lagnat kaya hindi pumasok. Ikaw ba, pa-out ka na?” tanong ko. Tumango siya bilang sagot. “Tamang-tama. Puwede mo bang dalhin ito kay Erille? Para makainom siya ng gamot at may makasama siya sa bahay habang wala ako,” sambit ko at iniabot sa kanya ang plastik. “Sige na, Six.”

Hinawakan ko ang kanyang mga kamay. He looked at our hands before he nodded. “Okay.”

I smiled at him. “Thank you so much,” I said before I head straight to the staff room.

Isinuot ko ang see-through red dress na binili namin ni Erille no’ng nakaraan at pinatungan ito ng kulay itim na cover up. I wore my red mask and underneath my red dress is a hot red two-piece.

“El, ikaw na sa stage,” sambit ng isang dancer na kasamahan ko. Tumango ako at tumuloy na sa labas. I give my new song to the other DJ and step on the stage.

Insane, inside The danger gets me high Can’t help myself Got secrets I can’t tell

The music was hitting up my whole system. I swayed my hips and rolled my body on the pole, tilted my head, and seducingly walked around the pole. I lift up and hit a fire trick together with the music.

“I’ve always liked to play with fire,” I whisper together with the music. I undress in front and lay my body above a dozen of money on the stage.

I smirked as I end the music and step out off stage. I walked to the staff room, and when I was about to remove my mask, Ma’am Cherille called my name. “El,” she said and walked towards my place.

“Po?” tanong ko.

Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko. “Kailangan kita sa VIP room.”

Agad nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa sinabi niya. Hindi ako puwedeng pumunta roon.

“Hindi po ’ko puwede do’n,” I said.

“Someone pays for you a big amount of money kaya tara na,” she said. Hindi na ako binigyan ng oras ni Ma’am Cherille na magsalita at agad dinala sa VIP room sa second floor ng club.

Kinakabahan ako sa bawat hakbang na aming tinatahak dito sa hallway ng second floor. Ang ilaw rito ay kulay pula kaya mas lalong kakaiba ang pakiramdam habang naglalakad ako.

Ito ang tinutukoy na maaaring mangyaring masama ni Erille. Dapat talaga, nakinig ako sa kanya.

Sobrang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko habang papalapit kami sa kulay itim na pinto sa dulo ng hallway na may nakasulat na ‘VIP.’

“Ma’am Cherille, hindi po ’ko puwede dito, wala ito sa usapan—”

Hindi niya ako pinatapos at inayos ang ilang hibla ng buhok ko. “150,000.00 ang ibinayad para lang sa ’yo at 100k doon ang mapupunta sa ’yo pagkatapos nito, El, kaya gawin mo na lang,” she said and opened the door for me.

Parang natuyuan ako ng laway nang maramdaman ko ang kakaibang aura ng silid.

“Sige na,” Ma’am Cherille said and gently pushed me inside as she closed the door.

Nanginginig ang aking mga kamay. Sobrang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko at sa takot ko ay hindi ko maigalaw ang aking katawan. Nagsimula na ring magbadya ang luha sa aking mga mata dahil sa takot. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. Gusto kong lumabas ng silid pero siguradong naka-lock ito mula sa labas.

I looked at the guy facing the glass window of the room. Matangkad ito at maganda ang hubog ng katawan, mahaba ang mga hita at kitang-kita ko ang masculine nitong likuran. He was wearing a black matte long-sleeve shirt, folded the sleeve up his arms, and black pants and oxford shoes. His hair is black as a raven, making him look scary and powerful.

Mas lalo akong natakot nang maisip ang maaaring mangyari. Dapat sinunod ko na lang si Erille. Hindi ko siya matawagan dahil hindi ko dala ang phone ko; nasa locker room ’yon ’tapos wala pa si Six dito.

This is the end of me.

“What’s your name?” Halos kapusin ako ng hininga nang magsalita siya. His voice sound so pure and powerful. It sounds so dark and dominant.

“E-El,” I said.

He faced me with his hands in his pocket. I pursed my lips because I feel so powerless by his stare. He has thick brows, long lashes, hazel eyes, thin lips, and a pointed nose with a well-shaped nose bridge. His face shouts so much perfection that I can’t take my eyes off him.

“El,” he uttered and grinned slowly before he walked to my place.

Muntikan na akong matumba sa panghihina ng aking mga tuhod. He quickly wrapped his arms on my waist and help me stand up. His scent smell so good, nakalalasing ito sa sobrang bango.

“You’re shaking,” he whisper into my ears before he looked at me and touched my mask.

“Please, n-no,” nanghihina kong bulong. Alam kong narinig niya iyon kaya mas lalo siyang ngumiti at inilapit ang kanyang mukha sa akin.

“I won’t bite,” he whispered and teasingly touched the tip of our nose before he moved away and let go of my waist. “I just called you out here to personally know your name, El. I love it.” He opened the door and glanced at me. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said, then leave.

Napaupo ako sa sahig dahil sa panghihina. Sinong lalaki ang magbabayad ng 150,000.00 para malaman lang ang pangalan ko? This is insane. I don’t like to play with fire if he’s the fire.

“I’d rather not,” I whispered weakly.

Chapter 6

IMPOSSIBLE

Erille

“CELL PHONE ko?” bulong ko habang pinipilit tumayo. Sobrang sakit ng ulo ko at ang bigat ng pakiramdam ko. Bakit naman kasi ngayon pa ’ko nagkasakit?

Sinubukan kong hanapin ang cell phone ko sa side table ng kama pero mukhang naiwan ko ’ata ito sa sofa. Hindi ko maiwasang mapangiwi sa kirot ng ulo ko.

Hindi lang ang sakit ng ulo ko ang inaalala ko: nag-aalala ako kay Louen. Baka may hindi magandang mangyari ngayong mag-isa lang siyang pumasok. Pero ano pa ang magagawa ko, naroon na siya.

Gusto kong tawagan si Ma’am Cherille. Ipaaalala ko ang usapan namin.

“Ang galing mo, Louen!” I said and followed Ma’am Cherille inside the staff room.

“Papasukin mo na siya mamaya, siya ang unang sasayaw sa main stage,” sabi niya habang inaayos ang papeles sa table niya rito sa loob ng staff room.

“Mamu, sasayaw lang si Louen, hindi siya puwedeng bayaran ng kahit na sino para maikama.”

Agad niya akong tiningnan nang nakakunot-noo. Ipinatong ko ang aking mga kamay sa kanyang lamesa at nginitian siya.

“Hindi puwede ’yon. Alam mo ang takbo ng mga entertainers natin dito, Erille,” sambit niya.

Pinagkrus ko ang aking kamay bago nagsalita. “Alam ko po ’yon, at alam ko rin ang laki ng itinulong ko sa club na ito: hindi kita iniwan no’ng nawalan ka ng mga dancer dahil sa hindi mo pagpapasuweldo. Ngayon lang ako humingi ng pabor sa ’yo. Ayaw kong masira nang tuluyan ang buhay ng kaibigan ko sa pagpasok niya sa trabahong ito, dahil alam ko kung gaano kadumi ang lugar na ’to.”

“Alam ko naman ang itinulong mo sa ’kin, Erille, pero sana hindi mo na lang siya pinasok dito kung ayaw mo palang masira ang buhay niya.”

Napaiwas ako ng tingin sa kanya at napakamot ng braso.

“Eh, gusto niyang kumita, at magaling siya sa pole dancing. Sige na naman, Mamu. Sasayaw lang siya at sa pagsasayaw lang siya susuweldo; hindi siya puwedeng bilhin at bayaran ng kahit na sino.”

“Oo na,” sambit niya na parang wala siyang choice.

Napangiti ako at niyakap siya. “Thank you, Mamu.”

Pinilit kong tumayo kahit nanghihina ang mga tuhod ko. Lumabas ako ng kuwarto at hinanap ang aking cell phone sa sofa. Kinuha ko ito, at nang ida-dial ko na ang number ni Mamu para kumustahin si Louen ay biglang may kumatok kaya natigilan ako.

“Louen?” tanong ko at pinuntahan ang pinto kahit nagdodoble ang paningin ko.

Nang buksan ko ang pinto ay dahan-dahan kong naibaba ang cell phone ko at napakunot-noo.

“Ano’ng ginagawa mo dito?” tanong ko.

Imbes na sumagot ay binuksan ni Six ang pinto at pumasok nang tuluyan.

“Pinapunta ako dito ni El para dalhin itong gamot at prutas mo. Tapos naman na ang shift ko kaya nagmagandang-loob na ako; baka mamatay ka, eh.”

Padabog kong isinara ang pinto at tiningnan siya nang masama.

“O, talaga? Kung ikaw kaya ang patayin ko?!” singhal ko. Inayos niya ang mga prutas sa lamesa.

“’Di puwede, liligawan ko pa si El,” nakangiting sambit niya. Natigilan ako.

“Gusto mo si Louen?” tanong ko.

Tiningnan niya ako bago ngumiti at kumindat. Ganyan na ganyan si Six ’pag seryoso siya sa babae.

“Kaya ba binibigyan mo siya ng chocolates?” tanong ko. Gaya kanina ay ngumiti lang siya at saka tumango.

“Bagay kami, ’di ba?” malokong tanong niya at nagpogi sign pa.

“Oo, princess and the frog ang peg,” sagot ko at tinalikuran siya. Sinubukan kong maglakad papunta sa kuwarto dahil sumama lalo ang pakiramdam ko.

“Oo, ’tapos ikaw ’yong crocodile do’n,” sambit niya.

Hindi ko na siya pinansin at nagpatuloy lang sa paglalakad. Nang malapit na ako sa pinto ay sumakit lalo ang ulo ko at nawalan ako ng balanse.

“Oops!” Bago pa ako matumba ay agad akong binuhat ni Six na para kaming bagong kasal at dinala ako sa loob ng kuwarto ko. “Ang sakitin mo talaga,” bulong niya nang ibaba niya ako sa kama at saka kinumutan.

Binasa niya ang towel sa side table at inilagay ito sa aking noo matapos pigain.

“Lagi na lang akong nag-aalaga sa ’yo ’pag may sakit ka,” bulong niya.

Tiningnan ko siya nang masama at tinanggal ang kanyang kamay sa aking noo. “Sino ba kasi’ng nagsabi na alagaan mo ’ko?” singhal ko. Hindi ko naman siya pinipilit alagaan ako; kaya ko ang sarili ko.

“Si Louen ang nagsabi,” sambit niya.

“Ang sabi ni Louen, dalhin mo lang dito ang ipinapadala niya. Tapos na, nadala mo na, umalis ka na,” sabi ko bago siya talikuran at ipikit ang aking mga mata.

“Sa tingin mo, iiwan kitang ganyan ka kahina?” tanong niya.

Iminulat ko ang aking mga mata. Narinig ko na lang ang hakbang niya palabas ng kuwarto. Maya-maya lang ay bumalik siya at hinawakan ang aking kamay.

“Alam kong gising ka pa, inumin mo ’tong gamot mo.” Pinaharap niya ako sa kanya pero pinanindigan ko ang patutulog-tulugan ko. “Ayaw mo, ah. Sige, hahalikan kita,” sambit niya.

“Kaya mo?” tanong ko habang nakapikit pa rin.

Tumawa siya. “Hindi.”

That made me smile bitterly and opened my eyes. “Pagkatapos nito, umalis ka na, ah.”

“Oo na. Inumin mo na ’to, dali,” sambit niya at ipinainom sa akin ang gamot na binili ni Louen at inalalayan ako sa pag-inom ng tubig.

Pagkatapos kong uminom ng gamot ay inalalayan niya ako sa paghiga at binasa muli ang towel sa aking noo bago ito piniga nang maigi at inilagay sa aking noo.

“Gumaling ka na,” he said and smiled.

Tumango ako bilang sagot at pinanood siyang lumabas ng kuwarto at umalis. Ipinikit ko ang aking mga mata.

“May bago ka na namang tinitingnan samantalang nandito lang ako sa tabi mo. Tss . . .” bulong ko bago hilahin ng antok at tuluyan nang nakatulog.

---

NAGISING ako kinabukasan na magaan na ang pakiramdam ko. Umupo ako sa kama at tiningnan ang aking cell phone.

“5:30 a.m. pa lang?” bulong ko at tumayo mula sa kama. Naglakad ako papunta sa banyo at naghilamos ng mukha, pagkatapos ay naglakad ako papunta sa pinto. Nang buksan ko ito ay agad akong natigilan nang makitang natutulog si Six sa sofa. Akala ko ba umalis na siya kagabi?

Lumapit ako sa kanya at umupo sa harapan niya. Hindi ko mapigilan ang pagngiti nang makitang nakanganga siya nang kaunti at mahimbing ang tulog.

Inayos ko ang bagsak niyang buhok na nakaharang sa kanyang mga mata at hinawakan ang kanyang mahahabang pilikmata.

“Daig mo pa ’ko sa haba ng pilikmata mo,” bulong ko at saka ngumiti. Hinaplos ko rin ang matangos niyang ilong.

I’ve been friends with him for almost 5 years, and I’ve been hiding my feelings for him since then. Ipinaparamdam ko naman na gusto ko siya pero sadya ’atang bulag at manhid siya dahil sa malayo siya tumitingin.

“Ang tanga mo,” bulong ko at pinisil nang kaunti ang kanyang ilong.

Biglang bumukas ang pinto kaya agad akong napatayo at lumayo kay Six.

“Louen!” sambit ko nang pumasok siya. Mukha siyang tinakasan ng kaluluwa sa katawan.

Nagising si Six nang sabihin ko ang pangalan ni Louen. Tiningnan ko siya nang masama at sinipa sa hita.

“Bakit nandito ka pa?! ’Di ba pinaalis na kita kagabi?!” singhal ko.

Imbes na pansinin ang sinabi ko ay mas pinili niyang tingnan si Louen at binati ito nang may magandang ngiti. “Good morning, Louen.”

Naglakad na lang ako papunta sa kusina at uminom ng tubig.

“Salamat sa pag-aalaga kay Erille, Six,” sambit ni Louen.

Mas lalong sumama ang timpla ng mukha ko. Hindi naman kailangang alagaan ako ni Six, eh!

“Louen, bakit na-late ka ng uwi? “ tanong ko. Tiningnan ako nina Louen at si Six. Naramdaman ’ata ni Six na may gustong sabihin sa akin si Louen kaya tumayo na siya at inayos ang buhok.

“Mauna na ’kong umuwi, El, tutal buhay naman si Erille,” he said and teased me with those playful smirks. I just bit my lip out of irritation and threw the tissue roll on him, pero sinalo niya ito at inilagay sa lamesa bago umalis at nginitian si Louen.

“Tss,” I hissed at tiningnan si Louen. “So, bakit ka na-late ng uwi?” tanong ko.

Umupo kaming dalawa sa sofa. Huminga siya nang malalim bago naglabas ng pera sa bag niya. Nanlaki ang aking mga mata nang makita ang malaking halaga ng pera sa kanyang bag.

“Ano ’yan?!” Nakaramdam ako ng hindi maganda sa perang iyon. Hinawakan ko siya sa magkabilang braso bago siya pinaharap sa akin. “Saan galing ’yan?!” tanong ko.

“P-Pumunta ako ng VIP r-room.”

“Ano?!” sigaw ko sa sobrang gulat. Sabi ko na nga ba’t hindi magandang hayaan siyang pumasok mag-isa kagabi. Ang kulit kasi, eh! Kahit alam ko ang nangyayari sa VIP room, tinanong ko pa rin siya. “Ano’ng nangyari sa VIP room?!”

“Tinanong ng lalaki ang pangalan ko,” she said and looked me in the eyes.

Naghintay pa ako ng susunod niyang sasabihin pero tiningnan niya lang ako. “’Yon lang?” Imposible!

Tumango siya bilang sagot kaya halos malaglag ang panga ko. Seryoso?

“At ’yang pera na ’yan?” tanong ko sabay turo sa perang hawak niya.

“Ito ’yong bayad” ani Louen.

“Pero kahit na malaking pera at hindi ka ginalaw n’ong customer, una sa lahat, hindi ka dapat napunta do’n!” sambit ko. Hindi tumupad sa usapan namin si Mamu!

---

PUMASOK kami sa university at nagmadaling umuwi pagkatapos dahil hindi ako papayag na hindi ko makausap si Mamu.

“Erille, calm down,” sabi ni Erill at hinawakang ang braso ko nang papasok na kami sa club.

“Hindi! Naiinis ako!” sambit ko at binuksan ang pinto. “Ay palaka!” Nagulat ako nang agad sumulpot si Six sa harapan namin at hinila ang kamay ni Louen papunta sa kabilang pinto ng club.

Tiningnan ko ang loob ng club at nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang makitang ang daming customers sa front desk ng club. Pati si Mamu ay naroon at tila nahihirapan i-handle ang mga customer.

“Bakit sa ’min, hindi puwede si El? Magbabayad naman kami nang malaki para sa kanya, ah!”

“Narinig naming nadala si El kagabi sa VIP room. I’m willing to pay for her!”

“30K ang ibabayad ko para sa isang gabi kasama si El!”

“Ano’ng nangyayari?” tanong ko.

Tiningnan ako ni Mamu at saka bumulong. “Nalaman nilang pumunta si El kagabi sa VIP room kaya gusto nilang bilhin siya nang isang gabi. Sabi ko hindi puwede dahil dancer lang siya dito.”

Sabi ko na nga ba, eh! Naging malaking gulo pa tuloy.

“Sandali lang ho, ’wag po tayong magkagulo, sir—aray!” Sinubukan ko silang pakalmahin ngunit nasiko ako ng isa sa kanila, dahilan para matumba ako.

Nagulat ako nang biglang may humawak sa likuran ko. Agad akong itinayo ni Six.

“Ilang palaka nahuli mo?” nakangiti niyang bulong.

Tiningnan ko siya nang masama. “Isa, pangalan Six!” singhal ko.

Sinundan ko sa loob ng staff room si Mamu. “Bakit mo naman kasi hinayaang pumunta ng VIP room si Louen? ’Di ba ang usapan, kahit gaano kalaking pera ang i-offer sa ’yo, dancer lang dito si Louen? Hindi siya puwedeng bayaran ng kahit sino para sa isang gabi. Mamu naman!” galit kong sambit. Naiinis ako. Dahil doon, nagkagulo sa club at gustong bilhin ng mga lalaki si Louen.

“Malaking pera kasi ang ibinayad para sa kanya, Erille, saya—”

Hindi ko siya pinatapos magsalita. “Hindi ka tumupad sa usapan, Mamu!”

Tumango siya, aminado sa ginawa.

“Hindi na mauulit,” sambit ni Mamu.

“Talagang hindi na!” singhal ko at saka nilapitan si Louen. “Okay ka lang?” tanong ko.

Tumango siya. “I’ll just change my clothes.” Tumayo si Louen at saka pumunta sa dressing room. Napahinga ako nang malalim at nagsimula na ring mag-ayos.

“Pineapple juice ka muna.” Napatingin ako kay Six nang maglagay siya ng pineapple juice sa tabi ko. “Nakakatakot ka talagang magalit kaya naawa ako sa magiging asawa mo pagdating ng panahon,” natatawa niyang sambit.

Seryoso ko siyang tiningnan sa repleksiyon ng salamin sa harapan ko habang nakatayo siya sa likuran ko. “Paano kung ikaw ’yon?” tanong ko.

Hindi niya ako tiningnan. Natawa siya. “Imposible,” sagot niya at agad nilapitan si Louen nang lumabas ito ng dressing room.

I smiled bitterly and whisper. “Oo nga, imposible.”

Chapter 7

UNEASY

Louen

I WAS staring at my reflection through the mirror while combing my hair. Hindi ako makapaniwala na magkakagulo sa club dahil sa nangyari kagabi. At isa pa, hindi ako mapakali. I feel tensed and confused at the same time, even though I don’t know what’s the reason for it.

“Okay ka lang?” tanong ni Rie sa akin nang mapansin niyang kanina pa ako nakatulala. Hinawakan niya ang braso ko at inayos ang buhok ko. “Kaya mo bang mag-perform ngayon?” She looks so worried.

Nginitian ko siya at saka tumango, pero alam ko sa sarili kong hindi pa ako handa. Natatakot ako. Baka ’pag lumabas ako ay magkagulo muli ang mga customer.

Erille sighed before shaking my arms, making me looked at her. “Ganito na lang: ako muna ang mauunang sumayaw ngayong gabi, mamaya ka na lang ’pag ok ka na,” she said and tilted her head before she smiled at me and gave me those “I got you” look.

Nginitian ko siya at saka tumango. “Salamat,” bulong ko.

Bumalik si Rie sa paglalagay ng lipstick. Tiningnan ko muli ang saking sarili sa harapan ng salamin. I really feel uneasy. I don’t know why.

“El, ikaw na sa main stage,” tawag sa akin ng isang dancer

Agad tumayo si Erille. “Ako muna ang mauunang sumayaw ngayon,” sambit niya.

“Pero sabi, si El.”

“Ako nga sabi,” Erille said and went outside.

Huminga ako nang malalim bago yumuko sa table at pinilit intindihin ang aking sarili. Naguguluhan ako sa aking nararamdaman. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako hindi komportable, kung saan ako nakararamdam ng kaba, kung para saan itong kakaibang pakiramdam na ito. Makasasayaw ba ako kung ganito ang nararamdaman ko?

I tried slapping my face para umayos ako pero parang wala itong talab sa akin.

Tumayo ako at sumilip mula rito sa staff room, natanaw kong sumasayaw sa main stage si Erille. Lahat ng lalaki ay pinagnanasahan siya habang iginigiling niya ang kanyang baywang. Bawat tricks na ginagawa niya sa harapan ay katumbas ng perang inihahagis sa kanya. She lay down on the floor, seducing every man’s eye. This is the domination na tinutukoy niya. Parang inuutusan niya ang mga ito na magbigay pa ng mas marami sa kanya gamit ang kanyang katawan. Bawat paghaplos ng kamay niya sa kanyang katawan ay tila parang apoy na nagpapainit sa mga mata ng kalalakihan.

Tumalikod ako at bumalik sa aking upuan pero nang paupo na ako ay tinawag ako ni Ma’am Cherille. “El?” Umikot ang paningin niya sa bong staff room. “Nasaan si Erille?”

“Nasa main stage, Mamu.” One of my co-dancers answered her, then she looked at the stage before she went inside and walked towards my seat.

“El, sumama ka sa ’kin,” she said and quickly grabbed my wrist.

Hindi niya na ’ko binigyan ng chance magtanong at idinaan ako sa gilid kung saan hindi kami makikita ni Erille. Umakyat muli kami sa second floor at gaya kagabi, sobrang bilis ng pagtibok ng puso ko.

Nanunuyo ang lalamunan ko habang papalapit kami sa pintong iyon. My heart was pounding so fast that it really gave me a hard time to breath properly. My whole body feels so uneasy, my blood feels like it will explode. I know behind that door is that man I saw last night. Thinking of him behind that door makes me weak.

“’Wag mo na lang sabihin kay Erille ito,” Ma’am Cherille said. We both stopped in front of the black matte door. Halos tumalon ang puso ko mula sa aking katawan sa sobrang lakas ng tibok nito.

Hindi ko na nagawang magsalita dahil naghalo-halo na ang kaba at kakaibang pakiramdam sa aking buong sistema. Hindi ko alam kung ano’ng maaaring mangyari sa loob ng pintong ito pero isa lang ang alam ko: I feel weak with this man behind the door.

She opened the door and let me in before she closed it. The feeling I felt last night happened again. This feels like a deja vu.

The man faced me with those dark stares, strong aura, and dominant appearance. He’s like the highest among all men. He’s like an alpha male wolf that could kill me in just a snap.

“El.” He called my stage name like it was the most beautiful name in the world. How could a simple “El” sound so beautiful like that?

Mas lalong bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko sa bawat hakbang niya papalapit sa akin. I could see his veins on his arms while his hand was inside his pocket. He was wearing a simple black matte shirt that gave him that dark aura.

He stood in front of me. “Nice to see you again, El.”

Nanlalambot ako habang patuloy na naririnig ang boses niya. Halos tumaas ang lahat ng balahibo ko sa katawan nang haplusin niya ang dulo ng buhok ko.

He leaned closer and softly kissed me on my cheeks. That was the first kiss on my cheeks that felt so sensual and tempting. I feel like it was hypnotizing me and making me fall for the most dangerous trap he prepared.

I could feel him sniff my neck. He slowly touched my thin arms and slowly rubbed them with his warm palms. His other hand slowly wrapped around my waist as he moved closer, making our bodies touch.

“You smell so nice,” he whispered in my ears. I could smell his mint breath and manly scent.

I feel so weak when I’m in his arms. Everything about this man makes me weak. I can’t stand him. How can I dominate him when in the first place, I already fell under his spell?

“Would you dance for me?” he whispered and gently kissed my ear. I don’t know but I am like a puppy who quickly follows what he said. I felt him grin before he faced me. “Not here,” he said and reached for my hand before he held it so gently. He opened the door for us.

Lumabas kami ng silid at idinaan niya ako sa likod ng club kung nasaan ang emergency exit. Paglabas namin doon ay may red Ducati 6098 R na naka-park. He opened the door for me. Para akong robot sa kasusunod sa nais niyang gawin ko. Hindi ko magawang tumanggi sa hindi ko malamang dahilan.

He drove us somewhere, a bit far from the club. I felt so suffocated inside the car. Nanlalamig ang mga kamay at paa ko habang nasa loob ng sasakyan niya, at dahil magkatabi lang kami ay ramdam ko ang aura niya.

We stopped in front of a big building. We enter through the wide door; it was like an elevator for cars. We reached the rooftop where there was an infinity pool with beautiful lights and this black penthouse above this monster building.

Isa ito sa pinakamataas na building na nakita ko. My dad already made buildings like this, but I could say that this was kinda amazing. The structure of the building is so powerful.

Lumabas siya sa loob ng sasakyan nang mai-park niya na ito at binuksan ang pinto para sa akin.

“As you please,” he whispered before he smirked and gently held my hand. We went inside the penthouse, and as soon as we stepped inside, the lights automatically opened.

The black walls that I saw suddenly turned into a glass walls. My lips parted as I looked at the whole view outside. That was amazing. My eyes roamed around the place.

“Wanna live here?”

Natigilan ako dahil sa sinabi niya. Agad akong umiwas ng tingin at umayos ng tayo. I know he brought me here for his sexual needs. And if this is the day I’ll lose my virginity, I will face it.

“You can live here if you want to,” he said, reached for my hand, and walked up the stairs. The second floor was filled with high-ceiling doors and it was all colored black.

He brought me to the last door at the end of the hall and opened it. I was taken aback when I saw a pole inside the room. Don’t tell me, he already brought a lot of pole dancers here.

“I put this pole here yesterday for this,” he whispered in my ears before he gently pushed me inside and closed the door. This room consists of one pole at the center, a black contemporary canopy bed in front of the pole, and a leather chaise lounge chair at the side.

He slowly let go of my hands and walked towards the bed, took off his coat, and loosened his necktie. He sat on the brim center of the bed in front of the pole and rested his arms on the bed. He clicked something on the small remote in his hand and suddenly, the room light turned dim blue, then the music plays.

I know why I’m here. I’m a stripper, and I should do my job.

I hold the pole and looked straight into his eyes as he dominantly stared at me, watching me like I’m the most beautiful he has ever seen.

I started moving my hips, playing with the beat of the music. I started lifting up my body on the pole and making pole tricks.

Trust me, trust me I don’t like being alone Thinking ’bout ringing your line I wish you would come home But I’m just tryna balance my space I’m just tryna protect my space

His stares started a flame inside my body. My blood was going crazy. He’s like a liquor that made me feel drunk. All his attention was mine. He’s not taking off his eyes on me, watching every move I take and sexually clenching his jaw.

I slowly get drowned in his presence which set me on fire. I closed my eyes and feel the music as I gave my passion to this dance. The soft tone of the music makes my body feel hot.

I went down and stood up behind the pole, staring at those eyes. He stood up and started taking his step close to me. I don’t know but I continue dancing while he stood in front of me. He wrapped his warm arms around my waist. He leaned on my neck to take a sniff. I let him have crumpled feelings, which makes me go insane.

’Cause we’re way too in love, just to f*ck and let go ’Cause we’re way too involved, just to cut and not call

The music keeps playing. His lips started touching my neck and his hand softly caressed my back. His left hand slowly went down on my hips, down to my thighs. He held my hands using his right hand and put it above my head and leaned it on the pole.

He started leaving wet kisses on my neck up to my jaw before he started giving me soft kisses on my cheeks. I just closed my eyes and start feeling his sweet kisses. His thin lips are so soft. The way it touched my skin built a hot temptation inside my whole system.

I feel weak when his lips touched mine, slowly moving and gently sucking my lower lip. He was pinching my thighs a bit. He pinned me to the pole using his body, which makes me feel something bulge on my stomach.

The way he moves his lips was like drugs that could start to rule my whole system. Heat was surrounding my body. I could feel his left hand touching the edge of my dress and slowly lifting it up. He touched my undies and teasingly pulled the garter down until he removed it from my legs. He stopped kissing me and looked at what he got. He urge a smile before he stared at me and sniffed my undies.

I like to cover my face out of embarrassment but he locked it above my head. I just avoided his gaze and try to look away, but he held my chin and made me face him.

“Don’t look anywhere when my eyes are on you. I’m possessive, I want all your attention,” he whispered before he let dropped my undies on the floor and continued kissing me again.

I started kissing him back, but my eyes widened when I felt his warm hands on my wetness.

“Hmm . . .” Hindi ko alam kung saan nanggaling iyon pero hindi ko maiwasang mag-react sa bawat pagtama ng maiinit na palad niya sa aking balat.

“I’ll start,” he whispered and started kissing and licking my skin, making me whimper in heat. His hands started playing with my wetness as he keeps me distracted by his possessive kisses on my neck.

His movements slowly started to get rough as he inserted his finger into my wetness. He let go of my hand before he lifted me up and pushed my weight through the pole as he started thrusting his fingers inside of me.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and lean my head on his shoulders as I kept gasping for air. I breathe heavily as he moved his hands faster and more aggressively. Then he started sucking my neck.

“Hmm,” I whisper and bit his shoulder as I shivered on it because of the pleasure I’m feeling. He continue doing what he was doing on my neck and in my wetness at the same time.

I’m going crazy. This pleasure was draining so much strength out of my body. I held and hugged him tight as I felt something inside me starting to build up. I know that’s a women’s org*sm but I don’t want to let it go because it would be so embarrassing while his finger was inside of me.

“Don’t control it, El. Let me make you satisfied.” The moment that he spoke and thrust his finger deeper was also the moment I released the liquid down there. I hid my face on his neck as he removed his hands from me and held my waist.

Bumaba ako sa pagkakabuhat niya at patuloy na itinago ang aking mukha sa kanyang leeg. I felt him chuckle before he gently pushed me away to see my face . He stopped for a second before he aggressively cupped my face and kissed me like I was the most precious thing he owns.

“Now I really won’t let you dance there anymore,” he whispered between our kisses.

After those kisses, he pulled my dress down, revealing my nakedness in front of him. He gazed at me before he kissed my eyes, nose, cheeks, and lips.

“I’m really owning you from this day,” he uttered in a husky voice before he made me turn my back on him.

I saw a mirror behind the door facing the pole and the bed. I could clearly see my whole nakedness through my reflection and his dark eyes that stare at me. He kissed my shoulder gently, not breaking those stares. He slowly wrapped his hands around my small waist and slowly moved down to my wetness. He just let me watch what he was doing before he went one step backward, unbuckled his belt, and opened his pants.

“Hold into the pole, will you?” he ordered while still locking those hot stares on me.

I followed what he said and held onto the pole with my two hands. He pulled my waist one step backward and slowly pushed my back to bend over the pole. I could see myself in this position before he let out that hard thing he was hiding. I could almost fall on the floor witnessing that kind of thing. Is that supposed to be that big? Would that fit me?

He bent over my back before he made me look at him and kissed me on my lips as he started positioning himself. I closed my eyes so tight in fear of what it would feel like. Am I gonna rip apart with that thing?

I felt the tip of it on my wetness as he started penetrating me. “Ahh!’ I shouted in pain, making him stop and looked at me with furrowed brows.

“Don’t f*cking tell me . . .”

Tears started to fall from my eyes. It’s so painful! I’m gonna die.

“. . . you’re a virgin?” he whispered before his eyes darkened even more.

He clenched his jaw. He removes his thing slowly. I cried in pain as he carried me onto the bed before he positioned himself above me. He gave me a sweet peck on my cheeks before he wiped my tears.

“This time, I’m really marking you as mine.”

Chapter 8

EYES

“THIS time, I’m really marking you as mine,” he uttered as he bit my shoulder and wore protection before he started penetrating me using that huge thing he have.

Slow moves still brought undefinable pain, but he was trying to drown me with his sweet kisses to lessen the pain down there. He gently reached for my hands and slowly put them above my head as he softly intertwined our hands.

“Ah!” I whimpered in pain as he started thrusting deeper.

He kissed my cheeks so sweetly before he moved away and looked me in the eyes. I tried my best not to close my eyes to show him that I’m pleased by his movements.

“Hmm . . .” I moaned. The pain slowly turned into ecstasy. His other hand moved down to my waist like it was guiding me on meeting his thrust.

He started moving faster and harder in a gentle way. He made sure he’d reached my peak as he tried to make me lost in his kisses.

“El.”

I closed my eyes as I heard him groan my name. He tightened his grip on my hands. It was hard yet felt so gentle. How could he move aggressively but my body still identifies his movements as gentle and sweet?

His touches gave me butterflies in my stomach. I could already feel something building inside of me. His thrust was undeniably irresistible.

When his lips met mine, I suddenly became thirsty for his kisses and gave the same kisses he offered me. We devoured each other’s lips. He released my right hand so I quickly used it to hold his nape and deepen our kisses.

He thrust fast, I could really feel that hitting my cervix. “Tight,” he whispered between our kisses as he moved faster and faster.

“Ahh. Hmm . . .” I moaned and stopped our kisses to gasp for air. I could already feel my release. I hugged him so tight, while my knees trembled. My nail sank into his body as I hardly held his back.

“Almost there” he whispered, then he rested his forehead on me. “Ugh!” he groaned and gave me those number of hard thrusts. He kissed my lips and both of us gasped.

He slowly removed his thing between my legs and hugged me so gently. He sat down and carried me with him. He let me sit on his lap as my body rest on him, my chin leaning on his shoulder.

“Sorry, I caused you pain,” he whispered as he embraced me. I just wrapped my arms around his body and before I knew it, I fell asleep.

---

I SLEEP so soundly in this soft bed; the air feels so refreshing that I don’t want to wake up anymore. I could smell a very nice scent, then my body started to wake up. I refrain from opening my eyes yet because I wanna savor this fresh feeling.

I just stayed like that for a minute before I decided to open my eyes. Halos masilaw ako sa sobrang liwanag ng paligid. Hindi ito ang kuwarto na pinuntahan namin kagabi. Nasaan ako?

Tiningnan ko ang buong silid, at gaya kagabi ay hindi ko maiwasang ma-amaze sa structure ng lugar na ito. This room consists of full glass high-ceiling walls. I could see the bright sky and the buildings below. I’m lying in a modern plain white bed right now, there’s also a rich gray side table inside the room, a modern chandelier, a gray couch on the right side, and a modern office table on the left side that has nothing but a pen holder and a laptop.

I gaze at the sky and closed my eyes with a smile. This is a morning to wake up for. This place is a living dream.

I looked around and noticed a note at the side table. Kinuha ko ito at nakita ko kaagad ang magandang handwritten note. The handwriting was manly yet so neat and clear.

Tumayo ako mula sa kama at agad napangiwi sa sakit ng aking gitna, pero tiniis ko ito at saka naglakad. Agad din akong natigilan nang may ma-realize ako. I gasped and covered my mouth. Don’t tell me, he cleaned me last night?

Tumakbo ako sa high ceiling door na kulay gray dito sa kuwarto. Tama ang hinala ko, bathroom ito. Pumasok ako sa loob at nakita ang aking sarili sa salamin. I’m wearing a big black shirt of him. And a black boxer short of him!

Napahawak ako sa aking mukha at nakita ang pamumula nito sa harap ng salamin. “Sh*t!” I uttered and turned my back to the mirror.

I stopped when I saw a hangered red Versace Tresor de la Mer polo dress. It looks so new. Nang hawakan ko ito ay agad kong nakita ang price tag nito. My eyes widened knowing this dress was worth one hundred thousand pesos already. May note itong kasama kaya agad ko itong binasa.

Don’t let your feet touch the cold floor, Wear this. -L.J.

Lalo pa akong nagulat nang makitang may paper bag ng Calvin Klein sa ibaba. When I checked what’s inside, it’s a brand-new underwear.

I took a shower and I had no choice but to wear it, or I’ll walk naked outside of the bathroom. Hindi ko magawang paniwalaan na worth 100k ang suot ko ngayon.

I looked in the mirror and suddenly noticed a box at the side of the door. May note din doon, kaya lumuhod ako at binuksan ito. My lips parted when I saw black Prada brushed leather muller shoes.

Hindi ko magawang lunukin ang aking laway habang pinagmamasdan ang aking sarili na suot ang mga mamahaling damit na ito.

Lumabas ako ng bathroom at huminga nang malalim bago binuksan ang pinto. Just like what he said in the note, I ate breakfast and after that, I decided to go home.

When I opened the main door of the penthouse, a man in a black suit approached me.

“Good morning, Ma’am El. I was tasked to bring you home,” he said and showed me the way to the white Tesla in the parking lot here on the rooftop. I just nodded at him and walked towards the car.

When I was about to open it, he opened it for me and guided me inside the back seat. He quickly went inside the driver’s seat, drove us to the car elevator down to the ground floor, and drive me home.

Nang makarating sa tapat ng bahay, agad akong napanatanong sa sarili. Paano niya nalaman ang tinitirhan ko? Pero mas pinili ko na lang itago ang tanong na iyon sa aking isipan at hinintay na pagbuksan ako ng pinto.

“Thank you po,” I said when I stepped out of the car. The man bowed his head to me before he handed me a black small envelope and leave. Tiningnan ko ang laman niyon at nanlaki ang mga mata ko. “Pera,” I whispered at agad itong itinago bago pumasok sa loob ng bahay.

“Louen!” umiiyak na sambit ni Erille as I opened the door. Agad niya akong niyakap nang sobrang higpit.

“Ang OA talaga.” Napatingin ako kay Six nang maglakad siya papalapit sa amin at pinitik ang ulo ni Erille bago ako nginitian. “Ikaw na’ng bahala sa OA na ’yan. Aalis na ’ko, ’kita na lang tayo sa club mamaya,” he said and smiled charmingly.

“Umalis ka na lang, gag*!” sambit ni Erille at sinipa siya palabas.

I closed the door and looked at Erille. “Bakit ka umiiyak?” I asked.

“Gaga ka ba? Buong gabi kitang hinanap. Sumayaw lang ako saglit, nawala ka na,” parang bata niyang sambit. Napangiti ako at niyakap siya.

“Nandito na ’ko, tahan na,” I said and rubbed her head.

“Saan ka ba galing?!” tanong niya.

Should I say it to her?

Umupo kami sa sofa at nang mapansin niyang nag-iisip ako, natigilan siya at nanlalaki ang mga mata akong tiningnan.

“’Wag mong sabihing—”

I cut her and nodded.

“Oh, my!” She covered her mouth and cried even more. “Sorry,” she said, bakas sa mukha ang lungkot. “Sorry . . .” she repeated again and again.

“Erille, ’wag ka nang mag-sorry. Ginusto ko ito kaya haharapin ko ito,” I said and hugged her. She cried in my arms.

“Sinaktan ka ba ng customer mo? May pasa ka ba? Saan ang masakit?” tanong niya at tiningnan ang katawan ko.

“Okay lang ako, ’wag kang mag-alala,” I said.

“Seryoso ka ba?” She hugged me tight. “Sigurado ka bang kaya mo ito, Louen?” she sadly asked. I urged a smile and nodded.

Hinintay kong tumahan siya bago kami naghanda sa pagpasok. I attended my classes with my mind filled with that man’s presence.

Hindi siya nawala sa isipan ko hanggang sa pumunta ako ng practice room at nag-practice mag-isa. May school work si Erille ngayong hapon kaya ako lang ang pumunta rito.

I changed into a white tank top and black boyleg shorts and played the music.

We found each other I helped you out of a broken place You gave me comfort But falling for you was my mistake

I closed my eyes and danced around the pole and imagined him in front of me watching.

I lift my body up the pole and feel every movement I do as the lyrics help me get drowned by his stares. I danced all out, wanting to impress those dark eyes so much.

So call out my name Call out my name when I kiss you so gently I want you to stay I want you to stay, even though you don’t want me Girl, why can’t you wait? Girl, why can’t you wait ’til I fall out of love? Won’t you call out my name? Girl, call out my name, and I’ll be on my way And I’ll be on my

The music gave me more emotion to my movements as I keep him in my mind.

I gave my all to the dance as he keeps appearing in my mind. I ended the music with my eyes still close because I want to see his eyes on me while I’m dancing.

I took a deep breath before I opened my eyes and saw myself in the mirror. My heart was firing with passion—a passion for pole dancing and a passion for that man’s eyes.

And I realize I don’t know anything about him. What is his name?

Nagulat ako nang makarinig ako ng palakpak mula sa pinto. Agad ko itong nilingon. “Coach?” I said. She smiled and walk inside.

“You’re always practicing when I’m out of the university. I didn’t get a chance to see your practice, so I personally wait for you to come here and watch you,” she said and stand in front of me.

I don’t know what to say. I’m shocked that she’s here.

“You improved so much, Louen.” She smiled at me.

“Thank you, Coach,” I said and urged a smile. A compliment from her means a lot to me. Pole dancing is my passion.

“I want you to be our national representative for the pole dancing competition this year, are you in?”

My heart just stopped beating for a second as she mentioned the competition I’d been dreaming of joining.

“A-Are you sure about this, Coach?” My hands were trembling because of this exciting feeling. Please tell me if this is real.

She chuckled and tapped my shoulder. “I’m always sure,” she said.

Hindi ko alam, basta agad ko siyang niyakap at nagpasalamat. “Thank you, Coach. Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Tears escaped from my eyes as this feels like a dream come true.

“I’m looking forward to our medal, Louen. See you tomorrow,” she said and smiled at me. I nodded and kept thanking her until she leaves.

I am filled with happiness and fulfillment. I’m going to fight in a national pole dancing competition for real.

Umuwi ako ng bahay at agad nagtatalon sa harapan ni Erille sa sobrang tuwa.

“Bakit?” tanong ni Erille habang yakap ko siya.

“I’m going to fight for the national competition, Rie!”

Her lips literally turned into a big “O” before she shout, and we both jumped while holding hands.

“Oh, my! Congrats, galing mo!”

We laughed together and ate dinner before we go off to work. Gaya kahapon, si Erille muna ang first dance kaya nasa stage na siya agad.

“El.”

Napatingin ako kay Ma’am Cherille nang tawagin niya ako. I already know what that means, so I walked towards the back exit and saw him leaning on his car while smoking.

I walked towards him, then he opened the car door for me and sweetly kissed me on my cheeks. He closed the door and went in the driver’s seat. He started the engine.

“Did you eat dinner?” he asked while driving.

I didn’t bother to answer his question and asked him instead. “What’s your name?”

He glanced at me before he smiled. “I’ve been waiting for you to ask that,” he handsomely said.

I stared at him, waiting for him to answer.

He smirked and said, “Leusam Timothy Jimenez.”

Chapter 9

WINE

“LEUSAM Timothy Jimenez.”

My heart skipped a beat. I finally know his name. I stopped when I realized that he seems familiar to me. Sinubukan kong isipin kung saan ko narinig ang pangalan niya. I bit my lower lip and tried my best to remember it, then suddenly it popped up in my mind.

“Jimenez Real Estate Company already has a hundred branches around the world. As their heir took over last year, a massive improvement happened to the company. The bachelor Mr. Leusam Jimenez, a rich tycoon at the age of 29, expanded his business all around the

.“

Tama! Narinig ko siya sa TV habang nanonood si Erille noong nakaraang araw.

He glanced at me and grinned. “Why are you staring at me like that?” he said as he continue driving.

I avoided his gaze. Hindi ako makapaniwala na gano’n siya kayaman.

“Don’t look at me like that again when I’m driving because I might stop at the side of the road just to devour you.” My eyes widened as he easily said those words to me. My face heated up as I avoid looking at him.

We went to his penthouse. He opened the door for me and we both walked inside.

“Let’s have some drinks,” he said and walked toward the kitchen, folded his sleeves up, and opened some buttons of his shirt.

I followed him and almost break my jaw I as looked so amaze in his high-tech wine cellar. Kung bibilangin mo ito ay halatang lampas ito sa isandaan sa sobrang dami at mukhang mamahalin ang lahat ng ito.

“I see you’re in a good mood. Your face doesn’t seem frowned like you always do,” he said while choosing a wine to drink.

Dahil sa sinabi niya ay napatingin ako sa salamin sa aking tabi at tiningnan kung may pagbabago ba sa mukha ko. Wala naman . . .

“Something good happen?” he asked.

Was he a fortune teller or something?

I gulp before I remember a good thing happen to me this day. Wala naman sigurong masama kung i-share ko sa kanya ito.

“I was asked to be the representative of our university for the national pole dancing competition,” nahihiya kong sambit.

He grabbed a bottle of wine and looked at me with a bright handsome smile. He’s like a living fantasy prince charming that my heart keeps beating for.

“Wow, that’s great. Congratulations. Now we really have a reason to drink and celebrate,” he said, walked toward me, and wrapped his arms around my waist as we both walked to the bar table. We both sat in the high chair.

He opened the bottle of wine and poured some into the glass for the both of us. “Here.” Iniabot niya sa akin ang unang basong nilagyan niya bago niya nilagyan ang kanya. He smiled at me and pulled my chair close to him as he faced me and put my chair between his legs.

“Isn’t this a little uncomfortable for you?” tanong ko, dahil naiilang akong maupo sa harapan niya.

He shook his head while smiling. “No, I like it this way,” he said. “Cheers?” He lifted his wine glass and we toast it before taking a sip. I suddenly stopped for a second when the wine tastes so delicate.

“How much is this?” I asked.

He put his right hand on my waist and said, “Half a million, I guess?”

Halos bumaliktad ang sikmura ko nang marinig iyon mula sa kanya. Hindi ko maisip na nilunok ko lang nang gano’n kadali ang ganoon kamahal na wine. Actually, hindi ko nga alam kung dapat ko pa bang inumin ito. Nalaman ko lang ang presyo nito, hindi ko na kayang isipin na ubusin pa ito. I looked at the bottle and read the name of the wine. Screaming Eagle Cabernet Sauvignon 1992. My lips parted while staring at it. How could wine be expensive like this?

I heard him chuckle and felt his hands on mine, so I looked at him.

“Hindi ko na kayang inumin pa ’to,” I said at sinubukang ibalik sa kanya ang basong hawak ko.

“Why not?” he asked and caressed my waist as he pulled my chair closer.

“It’s too expensive,” I said and avoided his gaze.

“It’s fine. I would like to offer you all the expensive things I have. It’s a pleasure,” he said and let go of his wine glass at the table and wrapped his arms around my waist. “So, don’t hesitate to accept it all.” He slowly moved closer and gave me a peck on my cheeks. He always likes kissing me on my cheeks sweetly. And I’m afraid I might fall into it and seek for it when it’s gone.

I closed my eyes as he continued giving me those sweet kisses. He lifted me up and made me sit on his lap. He wrapped his arms around my body and moved his kisses from my cheeks down to my lips. I felt him grab his wine glass and poured it onto my shoulders. I whimpered as the cold wine touched my skin.

I could feel the wine running down my chest. I was so busy with his kisses and didn’t have time to react to the expensive wine poured into my body. I felt him pull down the strap of my dress and slowly moved away from our kisses down to my shoulders. He started licking it, tasting the wine on my body. He was starting to build pleasure inside of me as he kept licking my shoulder up to my neck.

“I could buy a hundred of this kind of wine to pour into your body just to taste this once again,” he whispered and moved down to my chest.

Hundred kinds of this wine? That would cost a billion.

“Hmm . . .” I moaned as he started sucking my chest and completely pulled my dress down to my stomach. He removed my bra and my mound was served in front of him. He looked at it before he grabbed the whole bottle of wine and poured the wine into my chest and started devouring it alternately.

I could feel the stickiness on my body because of the wine; it was rolling into my stomach and down to my underwear, making it wet. I arched my back as he played with my mound while licking it. He slowly moved up to my neck and roamed his hands on my thighs, lifting up my dress and playing with the garter of my underwear with his fingers.

While sitting above him, I could feel his bulge in between me. The more I moved, the more it met his bulge that made my knees even weaker.

“Do you know how sweet your body is right now?” he whispered when he came back kissing my lips again. I could feel him slowly pulling my underwear down. When my panty was off, I could feel his raw bulge. I suddenly have this urge to move above him for a dry hop.

“Ugh!” He let out a soft groan as I started moving above him. He gripped my butt as I held his nape and slowly moved above him. I could see through his eyes how much he was trying to control his feelings. That gave me a valid reason to move even more.

“S-Stop.” He tried to speak, but the pleasure between us was too strong to think straight anymore. I felt him unbuckle his belt while aggressively kissing me.

He pulled his thing out, making me stop. He grabbed a condom in his pocket before he handed it to me. He moved away from our kisses and rested his forehead on my shoulder. “Put it on me, El,” he whispered.

My hands were trembling as I opened the condom and slowly put it into his things, I could merely gulp because of nervousness. As soon as I put it in, he kissed my shoulder. I don’t know but I initiated first and positioned myself above him and slowly let his thing penetrate me.

I bit my lip because it still hurts but I managed to put it all in. Because I’m on top of him, this position gave him better access to dig in deeper.

“Ahh!” I moan and started reaching the seven sinful seas again.

---

Erille

“AHH!”

Hindi ko mapigilan maglabas ng kakaibang ingay sa aking bibig. Humawak ako sa lamesa upang kumuha ng lakas habang sinusubukan kong kagatin ang aking labi.

“S-Six,” tawag ko sa kanya at pilit ipinikit ang aking mga mata. Nakaluhod siya sa aking harapan habang nakakapit ako sa lamesa dito sa loob ng staff room. Walang tao rito dahil nagsiuwian na ang ibang employee kaya sinulit ko na ang pagkakataon. “Hmm . . .” Napaangat ako nang tamaan niya ang parteng iyon. “S-Six!”

Itiningala ako ang aking ulo dahil sa kanyang ginagawa. Mariin ang pagkakapikit ko at mas lalong humigpit ang aking pagkakahawak sa lamesa.

“Ah . . . ah . . . Aray!!” Napasigaw ako sa sakit nang diinan niya nang sobra ang paghilot sa hita ko. “T*ngina lang, Six!” sigaw ko at tiningnan siya nang masama.

“Eh paano ba naman kasi, bakit ganyan ka? Kung ano-ano’ng lumalabas sa bibig mo!” he said and stood up with furrowed brows.

“Tanga ka ba? Siyempre ang sakit ng pilay ko, malamang iniinda ko ’yong sakit tuwing hinihilot mo!” sigaw ko at inayos ang aking pagkakaupo.

“Ang tanga mo naman kasi. Maglalakad ka lang, matatapilok ka pa!” singhal niya.

Kinuha ko ang heels na suot ko kanina at ipinakita sa kanya. “Nakikita mo ’to? 6 inches ’yan, gusto mong ibato ko sa ’yo ’to,” sambit ko. Hindi ko naman kasalanan kung matapilok ako sa hagdan ng stage kanina matapos kong mag-perform; madulas kasi at nagkamali ako ng apak. ’Tapos itong gag*ng ’to, nagpahilot lang ako saglit para makauwi na, nagrereklamo pa.

“Bahala ka d’yan!” sambit niya bago kinuha ang bag at tuluyang umalis.

“Tama, umalis ka na, nakakasuka ’yang mukha mo!” sigaw ko at isinuot na ang aking sapatos. Alam kong hindi na naman uuwi si Louen ngayong gabi kaya mauuna na akong umuwi.

Habang sinusubukan kong tumayo, nagulat ako nang bumalik si Six at bigla akong isinakay sa kanyang likuran.

“Sakit mo sa ulo, t*ngina,” bulong niya kaya hinampas ko ang balikat niya.

“Gag*! Eh ’di ibaba mo ’ko at lumayas ka dito para hindi sumakit ulo mo!” singhal ko habang sakay niya.

Huminga siya nang malalim. “Mas okay na sumakit ang ulo ko kaysa iyakan ka ’pag namatay ka,” sambit niya bago ako binuhat nang maayos at nagsimulang maglakad.

“Ikaw mauuna sa ’tin, tanga!” bulong ko habang palabas kami ng club.

“’Pag nauna ako, siguradong susunod ka,” sambit niya.

Natigilan ako at napaisip sa kanyang sinabi bago nagsalita. “Oo.”

Tumawa siya, tila alam niyang iyon ang isasagot ko sa umpisa pa lang.

“Eh, ’pag ako ang nauna, susunod ka ba?” tanong ko.

“Hindi,” he said and laughed.

I smiled and lean my chin on his shoulder and just let the night decide for us.

Chapter 10

DRUNK

Louen

“WAKE up, lovely.”

I could hear his sweet voice while my eyes were still closed. I’m still half asleep, but as I kept hearing his voice and feeling his warm breath on my face, I could not even go back to sleep anymore.

Naramdaman ko ang kanyang kamay na dahan-dahang hinimas ang aking braso at balikat. He was lying beside me and trying to wake me up. Pakiramdam ko’y pagod na pagod ako at halos lahat ng parte ng katawan ko ay tila namamanhid sa pangangalay.

Inabot kami ng umaga dahil sa wine na iyon. Even when he tricks me with the, “We’re done, just let me take you to shower.” I swear that’s not just a shower.

“Come on, wake up, or else I’ll spread those sexy legs of yours.”

Dahil sa kanyang sinabi ay agad kong iminulat ang aking mga mata at pilit na umupo kahit na masakit ang aking katawan. He grinned before he pulled my waist with his right hands.

He wrapped his arms around my small waist before he kissed my shoulder and slowly touched my legs, trying to spread them out. Mabilis kong pinigilan ang kanyang mga kamay. “May pasok ako ngayong umaga,” I said and stepped off the bed.

He stared at me before he reached for my head and kissed it. “I’ll take you to your school then,” he sweetly said.

Agad akong umiling. “Hindi na, kaya ko na. Kailangan ko lang ng mga dami—” Hindi ko natapos ang sasabihin ko nang makita ko ang punit-punit kong damit sa couch dito sa kuwarto niya. Hinanap ko kung nasaan ang underwear ko pero halos mahulog ang mga panga ko nang makita ito sa chandelier ng kuwarto. Paano?

“Oops! My bad. I get too excited last night,” he said, making me look at him with disbelief.

“Paano ako papasok nito?” bulong ko. Tumayo siya at lalo kong hinigpitan ang pagkakahawak sa kumot na nakabalot sa aking katawan. Good thing he was already wearing his sweatpants on.

“I’ll take care of it, go take a shower,” he said and dialled on his phone. Dahil doon, naalala ko ang binili niyang damit sa akin kahapon. Hindi ko na makakaya pang magsuot ng ganoon kamahal na damit.

“Puwede bang ’wag mo na ’kong bilhan ng mamahaling damit? Gusto kong pumasok nang hindi nakakaagaw ng pansin,” sambit ko.

“What do you mean?” he asked and fixed the strand of hair on my face.

“Just buy me some cheap clothes instead,” I uttered and looked him in the eyes. He stopped for a second and grinned.

“The cheap word doesn’t exist in my vocabulary, El. Either wear it or go to school naked,” he said. My lips parted out of disbelief. “But of course, I won’t let you go there naked. You can just skip classes and stay here instead. No problem if your nake—”

Hindi ko na siya pinatapos at dahan-dahang lumayo sa kanya. “Papasok ako, bahala ka na. Basta kailangan ko ng masusuot,” sambit ko at naglakad papunta sa bathroom.

Before I go inside, he spoke again. “You can just wear my surname if you want.”

I stopped for a second before I walked inside the bathroom and closed the door so loud.

My face was burning right now. I slapped my face before I take a shower. It just took me five minutes to finish, and when I stepped outside the room, he was seating on the bed with a paper bag at his side. Gusto ko na lang pumasok nang nakatuwalya nang makita ko ang brand ng paper bag. Louis Vuitton at Fendi.

Nanghihina ko siyang nilapitan at tiningnan nang masama. He just reached for my hand and let me sit beside him as he opened the paper bag and bring out what he bought.

Well, hindi na ako magugulat kung agad niya itong nabili. He’s a hell ass rich man. He can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants.

Inilabas niya sa box ng Louis Vuitton ang isang black na broderie anglaise baby doll mini dress. I know this dress. I once saw this at the magazines.

Then next, he opened the Fendi and revealed a black leather logo-plaque 105mm pumps. I just can’t process it all. These heels cost sixty thousand plus if I’m right, and now he was just making me wear them like it was a normal dress.

“If you don’t like it, you can just throw it after using it. I’ll just bu—”

I cut him out. “Stop, this is enough ,” I said, emphasizing the word ‘enough’ because this is too much. I stood up and walked to the walk-in closet to change.

After changing, I step out of the door, meeting his gaze. He smiled and stood up while bringing the heels with him.

“I know you would look good in that dress,” he said, pulled me to the couch, and let me sit as he knelt in front of me. Ipinasuot niya sa akin ang heels bago niya halikan ang hita ko at saka tumayo. “I’ll let my driver bring you home since I’m already attending a meeting later. Eat breakfast outside. I’ll see you tonight,” he said, kissed my cheeks, and walked towards his walk-in closet.

Sinunod ko ang sinabi niya at lumabas na ng silid bago kumain ng almusal sa kitchen counter, pero hirap akong lumunok dahil kalapit ng kitchen counter and bar counter. My face heated up again as I remember what happened last night, so I eat faster and went outside the house.

Just like what he said, his driver was waiting outside and quickly drove me home. Pagpasok ko sa bahay, agad kong nakita si Erille na hirap maglakad at nakahawak sa pader.

“What happened to you?” I asked and quickly ran to her and guided her from walking. Her leg has a bandage on, kaya agad akong nag-alala at inalalayan siya sa pag-upo sa dining chair.

“Natapilok ako kagabi after my performance,” she said while drinking coffee.

“Paano ka nakauwi?” I asked.

Nakita kong namula ang mukha niya nang tanungin ko siya. Agad siyang umiwas ng tingin.

“Lumipad ako. Ikaw? Bakit ngayon ka lang? At ano na naman ’yang suot mo? Papa de asukal ba ’yang lalaking ’yan? MMM ba yan?” she asked.

“MMM?” tanong ko at saka umupo sa tabi niya.

She tilted her head and nodded before she smiled. “Oo, ‘Matandang Malapit nang Mamatay.’”

Parang nasamid ako sa sarili kong laway dahil sa sinabi niya. Loko talaga . . .

“Hindi, baliw,” sagot ko at napatingin sa orasan. “Oh, sh*t! Late na ’ko!” Mabilis akong tumayo at kinuha ang bag ko sa kuwarto. “Hindi ka papasok?” tanong ko sa kanya habang nagmamadaling inayos ang aking gamit.

“Hindi muna. ’Kita na lang tayo mamaya. At siya nga pala, good luck sa unang training para sa competition.”

Naalala ko, ngayon nga pala ang start ko ng training. Para akong ginanahan lalo pumasok dahil doon.

“Okay. I’ll see you later,” I said and ran outside the house.

---

PUMASOK ako sa first class ko. ’Buti na lang nakaabot ako dahil may activity ngayong araw.

“Miss Del Mundo, you are always having a perfect score in our activities. Keep going, you might run for . You have a bright future ahead of you, future CPA,” our prof said. I smiled at him and bow my head as I stepped out of the class and headed straight to the practice room where my coach was waiting for me.

“Coach, I’ll just change,” I said and quickly changed my outfit into a black boyleg with white linings at the side and a white loose sando.

As soon as I stepped out of the dressing room, my coach quickly guided me with my stretching. We talked about what tricks I should add and what music I will practice for the competition.

“So, what music did you choose?” she asked while checking out the pole.

I took a deep breath before I speak. “Tears of Gold.”

Coach stopped for a second, trying to familiarize the song before she looked at me with determination. “Okay. Show me what you got,” she said and stood in front of the pole.

I let out a heavy sigh before I stood behind the pole and think of all the steps and tricks I gathered inside my mind for the music, and suddenly, Leusam’s face showed up in my mind that makes my heart beats so fast like he was heating up my whole system. As the music started playing, the racing passion inside of me explode.

Mama, always told me that I was too naive Gave away my trust for pennies I said don’t you worry Didn’t think that I’ll be Broken down and crying help me

I started with emotional movements while holding the pole before I lift up with a crucifix climb and Barden wire position.

My heart keeps beating as he keeps bugging my mind. Those stares and touches feel surreal. Since I met him, it feels like I was dancing for him—for him only.

I float around the pole and turned into a drama queen position. I wrapped my body around the pole and went down slowly, then stopped by facing the back and wait ’til the beat dropped.

Don’t you know that I cried tears of gold for you? I sit here poor for you Collect my pennies and my dimes That’s why you love it when I cry Platinum love for you I’d give no less for you Generosity is my enemy So I’m broke and your heart’s rich Because of me

And as the beat dropped and the emotion of the music flashed, I played with it using a high kick hold and ended up with a basic invert.

My heart keeps on racing and finished my performance with a blade trick.

“Oh my, Louen. I don’t think I need to coach you anymore because your performance is worth winning already.

I stood up and smiled. “Thank you, Coach.”

After that, I keep on going. Until the night fully ruled the sky.

“That’s great for today, Louen. I can see that you really love what you’re doing, and with that, you can win,” she said before he grabbed her bag and then we left together.

As I stepped out of the university gate, I was taken aback when I saw him standing beside a white Jeep Wrangler. He stared at me before he smiled. “How’s your day El?”

Gaya kanina, tumibok muli nang mabilis ang puso ko. Pilit ko itong pinigilan dahil ayaw kong ma-attach sa kanya nang gano’n kadali. At isa pa, bakit siya nandito? Baka may makakita sa kanya.

Nang maalala kong sikat siya, agad ko siyang hinila papasok ng sasakyan. Nang makapasok ako, mabilis ko siyang hinarap, pero bago pa ako makapagsalita, hinalikan niya ako.

His kiss was gentle, and with that, I feel weak and kissed him back.

“This night is for me,” he said, started the engine, and drove our way somewhere. Nakita ko na lang na tumigil kami sa tapat ng isang sikat na hotel at nag-check-in kami.

“Bakit tayo nandito?” tanong ko habang papasok kami sa isang mamahaling suite.

He looked at me. “I just closed another deal, I just wanna celebrate it with you,” he said before he brought me to the suite’s entertainment room, then we both had a drink.

Hindi ko alam pero agad akong tinamaan sa whiskey na ininom ko. Hindi ko maiwasang pagmasdan siya at purihin ang bawat parte ng kanyang mukha at katawan.

I was about to grab another glass when he stopped my hand and put the glass of whiskey away.

“Enough, let’s go to sleep,” he said. I tried to grab the glass but he pushed it away and hide it somewhere. Because my vision was blurry already, I couldn’t find it anymore.

“I wanna drink,” I said and tried to push him away but he kept on holding my hand.

“Enough, El. Let’s go to sleep,” he said.

I put a long face at him and crossed my arms on my chest. “Sleep already? Aren’t we having s*x?” I asked. I saw him clench his jaw because of what I said.

“No, we’re going to sleep. I just brought you here to celebrate. We’ll both take a rest, I know you’re tired,” he said.

I remained silent for a second before I slowly touched his thighs. “Really?” I smirked and suddenly my confidence increased. A firing sensation runs through my nerves. All I want right now was to touch his body.

My hand slowly went up towards his thing, but before I could finally touch it, he stopped my hand. “Let’s sleep,” hirap niyang sambit kaya mas lalo akong napangiti bago tumayo at umupo sa hita niya and dance with the music. “El,” he hissed and tried to avoid looking at me.

I’m so drunk and drowned by his presence. I want him now. I’m in heat.

I started lap dancing at him and wrapped my hands around his neck, stared at him in the eyes, and kissed him.

“Stop it right now, El. I don’t want to do this,” he said, but I could feel that his words were the opposite of his body’s reaction.

I smiled and moved down to his neck and up to his jaw.

“El, don’t push me to my limit,” kinakapos ang hininga niyang bulong at hinawakan ang aking baywang habang sinusubukan kong gumiling nang mas mabuti sa kanyang ibabaw. I could feel his thing hardened. “Stop, El,” maawtoridad niyang sambit, but I’m too drunk and on fire right now to get scared at him. “I will not get easy on you, El, so stop before I lose it.”

“What? I can’t hear you,” I said and bit his ear. He let out a heavy sigh and faced me.

“Alright, that’s enough. Don’t regret what you please,” he said and carried me as he stood up. “Brace yourself.”

Chapter 11

DROWNING

“BRACE yourself.” He started walking towards the main room of this suite and pinned me through the back of the door as he closed it and devour me with his kisses.

He moved so aggressively as he bit my lower lip. I could feel his hands move underneath my shirt and reached for my mound, massaged it alternately, and as the liquor inside me spread, heat ruled my whole system as I held his hand and guided him on what he was doing on my mound.

Leusam didn’t waste any seconds and quickly ripped my shirt off using his other hand, he pulled my bra down, letting my breast serve nakedly in front of him. He looked at it before he gazed at me and clenched his jaw. “Slap me now, so I can stop,” he hardly whispered and touched my cheeks, trying to control himself.

I felt butterflies in my stomach as he gently caressed my face and told me to stop him even though his face was begging me to give in to him. He was catching his breath and trying hard not to touch my half-naked body. I also noticed that he was avoiding looking into my eyes and just focusing on my cheeks. I don’t know but that makes my heart pound. I felt so much happiness inside of me.

I urged a small smile before I slowly moved my hands up to his nape. I held his chin and made him look me in the eyes. “Don’t stop,” I whispered with a smile on my lips, making him sigh before he kissed me.

His kisses weren’t like the first one; it was sweet and alive, filled with emotions. He was touching me aggressively but I can still feel that he was holding me like the thing he owns that was too precious for him. I don’t know how could he make me feel that way even though I’m drunk as f*ck, but I don’t care anymore. All I want right now was to feel him in every part of my body.

He filled me with kisses all around my face down to my neck like he was not leaving any spot, licking and sucking every part of my skin, making sure to mark it all. Every time he kisses me, I can feel his breath through my delicate skin. I feel so weak so I just held on to him tighter. I just closed my eyes and feel his movements. My vision became blurry, it made my head hurt so much.

When his kisses went to my shoulder, I grabbed that chance to hug him and just rest my chin on his shoulders and let him move whenever he wants.

He carried me again and walked towards the glass window where you can see the whole city. He slowly puts me down, so I opened my eyes and looked at him. He smiled at me before he kissed my forehead and turned me around to face the night view. I felt his arms wrapped around my waist as he slowly pulled down my pants.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” he whispered.

I just nodded and suddenly my eyes widened when he pulled me backward and bend me down, making me hold into the glass window. He ripped my underwear. I could hear him unbuckling his belt while holding my waist.

“But my view right now is the most beautiful view I could ever ask for.”

“Ahh!” He just inserted it in just one trust, and I felt like I was ripped apart. I started gasping for air as he started thrusting aggressively. “Ah, ah, ah!” I was moaning so loud because of his rough movements. His grip on my waist was his way of guiding me to meet his thrust, making it more pleasurable. “Ahh, L-Leusam,” I uttered. With every thrust, he didn’t fail to reach my peak of pleasure. I went crazy because of that.

Liquor inside my whole system was firing me up, I held his right hand on my waist and slowly lifted up my body to rest my back on his chest and tried to reach for his lips. He was thrusting and at the same time, we were savoring each other’s lips.

I’m already feeling my peak, so I grabbed his hand tighter. “Hmm,” I moaned in between our kisses. He thrust faster and harder, making me stop kissing him and letting out this overflowing pleasure inside of me. “Ah, ah, ah . . .” My moan and our body were making a loud sound around the room. “I’m coming.”

I lean my head on his shoulder and let him kiss my neck. He started biting it and letting out deep breaths as he thrust deeper. We were both gasping for air and sweat was all over our bodies, adding more heat for both of us.

“F*ck!” he groaned as my body weakened. We both reached our peak, I could feel the warm liquid overflowing down to my thighs.

I lose so much strength and just let him carry all my weight. We stay still for a few seconds before he slowly lifted me up bridal style, brought me to the bed, and lay me down before he positioned himself between my legs, lean down for a kiss, and started penetrating me again.

He started filling me again with his thing and holding both of my hands above my head, locking it with his right hand while his other hand was busy in my mound.

He keeps on pounding inside of me while we were both drawing ourselves with the pleasure we were making.

“Love me.” I heard him mumble something but I’m too drunk to understand, but he whispered it again between our kisses. “Love me tonight like we don’t have tomorrow.”

I don’t know but suddenly, I sober up and realized what he said. He was pounding so deeply but my mind won’t stop rewinding what he just said.

“I’m drowning in obsession for you, El, so love me,” he whispered again before he started giving me sweet kisses like he always does.

My heart started beating so fast to the point that I feel weaker. Was he serious about the words he was saying?

“Hmm. F*cking tight,” he groaned and continued pounding me with pleasure.

I could already hear the bed making a sound because of his aggressive thrust, but my mind was still occupied by the words he said.

I looked at him when he moved away and focused on thrusting as we are near our climax. My heart keeps racing watching him move. Suddenly, everything went into slow motion: sweat falling from his hair, the vein in his neck, his thin lips, long lashes, and those eyes.

I was falling for him but suddenly, fear started to build inside of me—fear of expecting too much from someone.

“Ahh!”

“F*ck!”

I arched my body as we both reached our climax. I felt my womb filled with his semen.

And that’s when I made up my mind not to love him because tomorrow, I would expect so much from him that he might not be able to give because I’m just a stripper paid to get laid off.

He weakly rested his body above me and hugged me like I was all his. I just closed my eyes and hugged him.

My heart was beating for him but my mind was running from it.

“I would do anything for you,” he whispered before I fell asleep.

---

I SLEPT in peace in his arms and woke up with his soft kisses.

“Good morning, El,” he said and smiled at me, fixed some strand of my hair, put it at the back of my ear, and kissed my forehead so gently.

Napapikit ako nang sinubukan kong gumalaw dahil sa pangangalay pero naramdaman ko ang kirot ng buo kong katawan at sakit ng aking ulo dahil sa ginawa namin kagabi.

“Sorry, I wasn’t able to control myself last night. Believe me, I don’t want to get rough on you,” he whispered. He helped me sit on the bed and massaged my back to lessen my pain. “Wanna take a shower?” he asked while tying my hair. I nodded.

He carried me off the bed and brought me to the bathroom, slowly put me down to the bathtub, and filled it with warm water.

“Here, rest your head here.”

He put a soft towel in the tub and slowly rested my neck on it as he started putting shampoo on my hair. Leusam silently massaged my head while spreading shampoo all over my hair and washed it after.

“Wanna stay here for a while?” he gently asked while wiping the water on my face. I nodded. “Okay. Call me when you’re done, okay?” He gave me a peck on my lips before he stepped out of the bathroom.

My heart was still pounding. I let out a heavy sigh before I drown myself under the water. I can’t be attached to my customer. I won’t fall for him.

It took me 15 minutes inside the bathroom. When I decided to step out of it wearing the hotel bathrobe, naabutan ko siyang may kausap sa telepono. Sinubukan kong hanapin ang damit ko. But just like the last time, I saw it at the side of the room, all ripped into pieces. Bagsak ang balikat akong napalingon sa kama na may nakahanda nang Saint Laurent Stella Mccartney.

I walked towards the bed and sighed before I started wearing the dress, not minding him at the side talking to someone. I sat on the bed and checked the heels he bought again. It’s a Saint Laurent Stella Mccartney Falabella faux leather sandals. Hindi na ako nag-abala pang tingnan ang presyo nito dahil mas lalo lang bibigat ang pakiramdam ko.

While he was talking to someone on his phone, I decided to step outside of the room and cleaned the entertainment room. Habang nagliligpit, hindi ko maiwasang sampalin ang aking pisngi nang maalala ang ginawa ko kagabi.

“Stupid Louen,” I whispered and threw everything in the trash bin.

Paglabas ko ng silid, naabutan ko ang mga staff ng hotel na naghahain ng pagkain sa lamesa. “Good morning, ma’am,” they greeted me and leave after fixing all the food on the table.

Tiningnan ko ang mga pagkaing nakahanda nang yakapin ako mula sa likod ni Leusam. “Let’s eat.”

We both sitted and started eating. Hindi ko siya magawang tingnan sa kanyang mga mata dahil sa kahihiyang ginawa ko kagabi. At isa pa, nagwawala ang puso ko sa tuwing nagtatama ang aming mga mata.

“I’ll be leaving the country for a month.”

Natigilan ako sa pagnguya dahil sa sinabi niya. This time, tiningnan ko na siya sa kanyang mga mata. Aalis? Nang isang buwan? Bakit?

I didn’t ask but he answered what was on my mind. “I have business meetings for 5 countries and that would take a month to finish. You want to come?” he asked me with a serious look.

Agad akong umiling bilang sagot. “I have training, remember?” sambit ko.

“Yeah, I forgot,” he said and continued eating. “I will be out for a month. I don’t want you to dance in the club when I’m not around, El.” He looked me straight in the eyes.

“Bakit?” sagot ko. I mean, trabaho ko iyon, hindi puwedeng hindi ako pumasok. At isa pa, paano ako kikita ng pera kung hindi ako papasok nang isang buwan?

“I already talked to Cherille about you not dancing for a month. Focus on your training and don’t go to work anymore,” he said and handed me a thick small brown envelope.

“Ano ’to?” tanong ko.

“Your allowance for the month that I’m away,” he answered.

Tiningnan ko ito at hindi makapaniwalang makakita ng ten thousand pesos sa loob at isang cheque na naglalaman ng three hundred thousand pesos.

“Don’t dance while I’m away, El. I’d instantly know if you disobey what I said. Use this money for your monthly expenses and just focus on your training,” he said and continued eating. Hindi na ako nagsalita pa at nagpatuloy na lang sa pagkain.

After eating, he sent me home.

“I’ll see you in a month. Miss me, okay?” he said before he kissed me on my cheeks and held my hand so gently. “Think about me every day you wake up,” he whispered and kissed the back of my hand.

I nodded like a child and step out of his car, watched him leave, and went inside the house, spacing out. I won’t see him for a month.

“T*ngina mo talaga, Six!” Natigilan ako nang sumigaw nang napakalakas si Erille.

“Ano’ng nangyayari?” tanong ko nang makitang pinagbabato ni Erille si Six ng mga damit niya.

“Hi, Louen. Good morning,” sambit ni Six at saka tumayo sa harapan ko nang may ngiti sa mga labi.

I smiled at him and said, “Hi!” Naguguluhan ako kung bakit sila nag-aaway.

“Mamatay ka na talaga, Six!” sigaw ni Erille habang palabas ng kanyang kuwarto.

Ano’ng nangyayari? Puno ng drawing ang hita ni Erille. Pati noo niya ay may drawing na smiley face.

“Sorry, akala ko freedom wall ’yang hita mo. Ang lapad, eh. Ha-ha-ha! Louen, para sa ’yo. Mauna na ’ko, ah. ’Kita na lang tayo sa bar mamaya,” he said and ran to the door.

“Hindi ako papasok mamay—” Hindi ko na natapos ang sasabihin ko nang isara niya na ang pinto at tuluyan nang umalis.

“Mamatay ka na!” galit na sigaw ni Erille.

Nilapitan ko siya at pinaupo sa sofa. “Kalma, Rie. Ano ba’ng nangyari?” tanong ko.

“Eh, ’yang ptnginang Six na ’yan, kagabi ka pa hinahanap sa ’kin, ’tapos inabutan ng ulan dito kaya dito ko na pinatulog sa sofa. Pero ang demonyo, pinasok ako sa kuwarto, at tingnan mo ang ginawa sa hita at mukha ko! Paano na lang ako papasok mamaya nito sa club?! Putek! Permanent pentouch ’yong ginamit niya!” Halos sipain ni Erille ang lahat ng maabot ng paa niya sa sobrang inis.

“Kalma, tutulungan na lang kitang burahin ’yan. May pasok pa tayo, oh,” sambit ko at sinamahan siya sa banyo.

Inabot kami ng isang oras sa pagbura ng mga drawing sa katawan niya. Nabura na ito pero bakas pa rin ang ilang drawing sa kanyang hita at braso, kaya napilitan si Erille na magpantalon at hoodie nang wala sa oras. ’Buti na lang medyo okay na ang pilay niya kaya nakalalakad na siya nang maayos.

“’Kita na lang tayo mamayang lunch, ah,” I said when we part ways for our second class.

Habang nasa klase, hindi nawala sa isip ko si Leeusam. Hindi ko siya makikita sa loob nang isang buwan.

“Focus on your training, Louen,” bulong ko sa aking sarili at sinubukan siyang tanggalin sa aking utak.

“Focus!”

Chapter 12

DISTRACTED

Erille

“O, LOUEN, tamang-tama nakauwi ka na. Papasok na ’ko. Okay na ang paa ko kaya makakasayaw na ’ko uli. Doon na ’ko kakain sa club ng hapunan pero may luto na d’yan sa kusina. Kumain ka na lang, okay?” sambit ko habang inaayos ang aking false eyelashes.

Tiningnan kong pagod na umupo si Louen sa sofa at binitiwan ang kanyang bag. Halos mag-iisang linggo na siyang hindi pumapasok sa club dahil iyon ang sabi ni Ma’am Cherille at n’ong customer niyang ubod ng yaman. Kaya nag-focus na lang siya sa training niya para sa competition. Lagi siyang umuuwing pagod at gutom kaya ipinagluluto ko siya bago ako pumasok.

“Hoy, aalis na ’ko!” Kinalabit ko siya at dahan-dahan niyang iminulat ang kanyang mga mata bago tumango.

“Ano’ng ulam?” tanong niya.

Ngumiti ako bago sumagot. “Tinola. Kumain ka na, ah.”

Naglakad papalapit sa pinto. Napalingon ako kay Louen habang isinusuot ang aking heels. Napansin kong may mga pasa siya sa hita gawa ng training niya. Alam kong importante ito para sa kanya pero ’pag dumating sa puntong sobra na ito para sa kanya, handa akong pigilan siya para sa ikabubuti niya.

“Alis na ’ko!” sigaw ko bago lumabas ng bahay at isara ang pinto.

Agad akong sumakay ng tricycle papuntang club.

“Manong, d’yan mo na lang ako ibaba sa karinderya sa tabi ng club.” Kakain muna ako ng hapunan bago tumuloy sa trabaho.

Tumango ang driver at itinigil ang tricycle sa tapat ng karinderya.

“Ito ho bayad, manong,” sambit ko bago tumuloy sa loob ng karinderya.

“Manang Gigi, isang tapsilog naman d’yan!” sigaw ko pagpasok ko sa loob ng karinderya. Madalas akong kumain dito ng hapunan noong hindi ko pa nakakasama sa bahay si Louen dahil wala akong oras magluto para sa sarili ko noon. Pero dahil may kasama na ako sa bahay at masarap kumain ’pag may kasama, mas ginusto kong lutuan ng pagkain si Louen. Pero ngayon, sadyang na-miss ko lang talaga ang tapsilog dito.

“Ikaw pala, Rie. Sige, umupo ka na at ihahanda ko na,” sambit ni Manang Gigi. Siya ang may-ari ng karinderyang ito at halos kaedad na siya ng mama ko kaya magaan ang pakiramdam ko rito.

Pagkaupo ko sa isang tabi, agad tumunog ang cell phone ko. Inilabas ko ito sa aking bag at saka sinagot. Unknown number ito. “Hello?”

“Justine, ako ’to.” Boses pa lang ay kilala ko na agad ito.

“Ma, bakit iba po ang number n’yo?” tanong ko. No’ng nakaraang araw, iba rin ang ginamit niyang number sa pagtawag sa akin.

“Nakitawag lang ako sa kapitbahay,” sagot ni Mama, halatang iritable ang boses.

“Ma, kumus—”

Hindi ko natapos ang sasabihin ko nang magsalita siya kaagad. “Magpadala ka naman ng pera dito, Justine. Wala na kaming pangkain dito.”

Nawala ang ngiti sa mga labi ko dahil sa sinabi ni Mama.

“Eh ’di ba ho, Ma, kakapadala ko lang po ng ten thousand no’ng nakaraang araw?” sambit ko.

“Eh, naubos na nga, anak! Kaya nga magpadala ka na dito!” singhal ni Mama sa kabilang linya.

Napabuntonghininga ako dahil sa sinabi niya. “Eh, Ma, may kailangan po akong bayarang project sa school, hindi ko ho kayo mapapadalhan ngayon agad-agad. Puwede ho bang next we—”

“Aba, Justine, patay na kami next week! Ano? Magpapadala ka ba o hindi?!” sambit ni Mama.

Ngumiti ako nang dumating si Manang Gigi at inihain ang in-order kong tapsilog. Nang umalis siya, sinagot ko na si Mama. “Okay ho, magpapadala ako mamaya pagkatapos ng trabaho,” sambit ko, hindi na hinintay ang sunod niyang sasabihin at pinatay na ang tawag.

Nagsimula na akong kumain at tiningnan ang natitirang pera sa aking wallet. Eight thousand na lang ito. Kailangan kong magbayad sa school ng five thousand, pero kailangan kong magpadala ng five thousand kina Mama ngayon. Napangiti ako at bumulong na lang sa aking sarili. “Kailangan mong kumita nang malaki ngayon, Erille.”

Ipinagpatuloy ko na ang pagkain. “Manang Gigi, ito na po ang bayad. Salamat,” sambit ko bago lumabas ng karinderya. “Ay!” Nagulat ako nang paglabas ko ng karinderya ay hindi sinasadyang nabangga ko ang isang papasok na lalaki. “Naku, sorry,” sambit ko bago yumuko at gumilid upang makadaan siya. “Sorry ulit, kuya,” sabi ko bago tumakboi papuntang club.

“Nasaan si Louen?” Napairap ako dahil sa g*nggong na ito na nakatayo sa aking harapan pagpasok ko ng club. Si Six. Halos mag-iisang linggo nang hindi pumapasok si Louen at halos mag-iisang linggo na ring ’ayan ang palagi kong naririnig na tanong tuwing papasok ako ng club.

“Hindi nga siya papasok! Ang tigas din ng kokote mo, ’noh?!” singhal ko at sinubukan siyang lampasan, pero hindi niya ako pinayagan.

“Bakit hindi na siya pumapasok? Ano’ng dahilan?”

“Tanga ka ba? ’Di ba ilang beses ko nang sinabi sa ’yo na ayaw niya munang pumasok dahil may competition siyang pinaghahandaan,” sambit ko at itinulak siya nang bahagya upang makadaan ako.

“Ibigay mo na lang pala ito sa kanya. Sabihin mo—”

Hindi ko na siya pinatapos at itinuloy na ang kanyang balak sabihin. “Sabihin mo sa kanya, nami-miss ko na siya at gustong-gusto ko talaga siya.” Naisaulo ko na dahil halos araw-araw iyon na lang ang sumasalubong sa akin dito.

“Tama!” tumatawang sambit niya bago ako akbayan at sabay kaming naglakad papasok ng staff room. “Alam mo ba, ’pag naging kami ni Louen, hindi ko na siya pagtatrabahuhin pa dito. Magtatayo ako ng sarili kong bar at itutuloy ko ang business ng dad ko para sa future namin ni Louen.”

Kunot-noo ko siyang tiningnan at ibinababa ang aking bag sa lamesa.

“Ang tanong: Gusto ka ba ni Louen?” pambabara ko sa kanya.

“Hindi pa, pero malapit na. Nararamdaman ko na,” sagot niya at ginulo ang aking buhok bago lumabas at tumuloy sa DJ spot.

“Tss,” bulong ko bago tuluyang nag-ayos para sa performance ko.

Hinahanap ng mga customer si Louen dahil hindi maipagkakaila na magaling siyang sumayaw. Mas dumami ang customer namin dahil sa kanya. Pero dahil bawal pang sumayaw si Louen, ipinaliwanag namin na nagbakasyon ito.

“Rie, tawag ka na sa stage.”

Tumayo ako at inayos ang aking mask na suot bago tumuloy sa labas at dumaan kay Six. “Ito ang tugtog ko ngayon,” sambit ko.

Nagulat siya. “Bago?” tanong niya.

“Tsismoso?” pambabara ko. Hindi ko na siya hinintay magsalita pa at pumunta na ako sa likod ng stage. Hinintay kong tumugtog ang music na ibinigay ko bago ako lumabas at nagsimulang sumayaw.

I’m still on your Netflix Girl, I know you love me Even though your parents They don’t fcking trust me They are probably alright though I know I’m an asshle No reply to all your texts Girl, I do you mad cold

The music was not sensual this time because I want to express something about my performance tonight. I just hope someone would notice it.

My gaze fell on him playing with those beats with his headset on. I urged a small smile as he played with the music that set me on fire. He really knows how to play with my music and my heart.

I lift my body up and started giving tricks, serving my body in front of a man, but my eyes were on that one man that only got my eyes.

Like you’re just dying to drive but you can’t find the keys Now, looking for God but you’re down on your knees I’m all that you want but not what you need Girl, why?

I swayed my hips. I heard loud shouts and cheers from different men when I slowly undressed in front of them but kept my eyes on him. When I’m performing, Six never dared to look at me; he just played with the music, closed his eyes, and never looked at me.

I smiled and kneeled as I play with the money on the floor and shook my hits sensually. I spread my legs in front of a man. I need money right now, and even though I don’t want to let them devour my body with their eyes, I had no choice.

And maybe this was the reason why Six won’t like a girl like me.

Tell me why do you still love me Why do you love me? You know you shouldn’t love me Yea, you still love me

I did a basic butterfly as I turned on the pole and moved with the music.

My whole performance was great, but not even a single gaze from him. I smiled bitterly as I stepped off the stage. Dinaanan ko siya at ngayon niya lang ako tiningnan.

“I love your new music,” sambit niya nang may ngiti sa kanyang mga labi.

Hindi ko siya pinansin at tumuloy na sa staff room. Umupo ako at tinanggal ang aking mask bago iabot sa akin ang kinita kong pera. Medyo malaki ito. Napahawak ako sa aking puso nang bigla itong kumirot.

“T*ngina mo talaga, Six,” bulong ko habang hinihimas ang kanang kamay at pilit pinakakalma ang aking puso.

Tiningnan ko ang aking sarili sa salamin at naisip ko si Louen. Mas maganda siya sa akin, mas matalino, mabait, at mahinhin; may maganda at mahabang buhok; may matangos na ilong at magandang mukha. Samantalang ako, maikli ang buhok at may kulay, hindi mahaba ang aking mga pilikmata, maliit ang aking mga labi, at payat ako, hindi kagaya ni Louen na may magandang hubog ng katawan. Isa pa, may mga tattoo ako. I’m the total opposite of Louen.

I chuckled bitterly and just started removing my makeup.

Nang mabura ko na ang aking lipstick, narinig kong tinawag ako ni Mamu.“Erille.”

“Po?” tanong ko.

“VIP room.”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko dahil sa sinabi niya. Matagal na akong hindi nag-VIP room dahil walang nagbabayad sa akin, ngayon lang uli.

“Tara na,” sambit ni Mamu at hinawakan ang aking kamay.

“Pero nabura ko na’ng makeup ko,” sambit ko.

“Okay lang ’yan. Suotin mo na lang ang mask mo, dali.” Hinila niya ako papuntang VIP room habang isinusuot ko ang mask ko. “Malaking kita ito, Justine,” ani Mamu at binuksan ang pinto para sa akin.

Huminga ako nang malalim bago pumasok at isinara ito. Pagharap ko sa customer, kumunot ang noo ko dahil parang familiar siya sa akin. Saan ko ba siya nakita? Pilit kong isipin kung saan ko siya nakita, hanggang sa ngumiti siya gaya ng ginawa niya kanina nang mabangga ko siya. Tama! Siya ’yong sa karinderya!

“It wasn’t my intention to go here in the first place but I kinda hit with a beautiful lady a while ago. She ran to this club, so I followed her and accidentally watched her show her wonderful talent,” he said while smiling.

Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko kaya inisip ko na lang na trabaho ito. Naglakad ako papunta sa music player dito sa loob ng VIP room at nagpatugtog ng music bago tumuloy sa pole at nagsimulang sumayaw.

I danced in front of him. Sinubukan kong tanggalin sa isip ko ang sinabi niya at mas piniling maging propesyonal. Iginiling ko ang aking baywang bago dahan-dahang naglakad papalapit sa kanya. He was just watching me the whole time and not taking off his eyes on me.

Sumayaw ako sa kanyang harapan. Unti-unti akong umupo sa kanyang hita, iginiling ang aking baywang sa kanyang ibabaw, at hinawakan ang kanyang hita.

He just stared at me and not doing any move like other customers do. Hinawakan ko ang kanyang kamay at inilagay ito sa aking baywang habang sumasayaw sa kanyang harapan. Pero kahit ilang beses ko na siyang binigyan ng chance gumalaw ay hindi niya ito ginawa; nanatili lang siyang nakatingin na tila isa akong magandang ilaw na gustong lapitan ng mga gamugamo.

Mas iginiling ko ang aking baywang sa kanyang ibabaw pero wala pa ring nangyari kaya hinawakan ko ang mukha niya nang dahan-dahan bago inilapit ang aking mukha upang halikan siya.

But when I was supposed to kiss him and closed my eyes, I suddenly saw Six’s face on my mind, making me stiff and avoided our lips to touch. Huminga ako nang malalim at pilit inalis sa aking isipan si Six.

Sinubukan kong muling halikan ang customer pero muling nagpakita sa aking isipan si Six, tila pinipigilang halikan ang labi ng lalaking nasa harapan ko.

“You don’t have to do this if you’re not okay with it,” the guy said.

Na-frustrate ako dahil hindi ko magawa ang aking trabaho nang maayos kaya umalis ako sa kanyang ibabaw, umupo sa kanyang tabi, at naiiritang inayos ang aking buhok. “T*ngina,” bulong ko.

The guy chuckled and handed me his scarf.

“Para saan ’to?” tanong ko sa kanya.

He smiled and faced me before he removed my mask and gently wiped the side of my lips using his scarf.

“You don’t have to wear makeup, you’re beautiful without it anyway,” he said and smiled. “By the way, I’m Jackson Jace Canver.” He offered his hand.

“Sir, hindi ko po kayang mag-service ngayon, maghanap na lang kayo ng ibang babae sa baba,” sambit ko at saka tumayo, hinawi ang aking buhok paitaas bago nagsimulang maglakad.

“May I know your name?” he asked.

Tumigil ako at nilingon siya. “Erille,” sagot ko, pero napansin kong naghihintay pa siya. “Erille Justine Opiendo,” sambit ko bago binuksan ang pinto at tuluyang lumabas.

Agad akong bumababa at nakasalubong ko ang demonyo. Tiningnan niya ako at napansin na galing ako sa itaas. Malamang iniisip niya na ginalaw na naman ako.

“Okay ka la—”

Hindi ko siya pinatapos sa pagsasalita at agad itinulak. “Tabi,” sambit ko at tumuloy na sa staff room at inayos ang aking mga gamit. Okay na ang kinita ko ngayong gabi, uuwi na ako.

“Justine.” Tinawag ako ni Mamu.

Agad kong isinuot ang bag ko. Alam kong papagalitan niya ako dahil sa ginawa ko sa customer sa itaas.

“Mamu, hindi ko kayang mag-ser—”

Hindi ko natapos ang sasabihin ko nang abutan niya ako ng fifteen thousand.

“Huh?” pagtataka ko.

“Bayad ng customer sa itaas. Umalis na siya pagkatapos ibigay ’yan,” sabi ni Mamu habang nakangiti bago lumabas ng staff room.

Tiningnan ko ang perang hawak ko at agad tumakbo palabas, nakabangga ko pa si Six.

“O, babangga ka pa, eh,” pang-aasar niyang sambit, pero itinulak ko lang siya at tumakbo palabas ng club. “Hoy, Erille, saan ka punta?!” rinig ko pang sambit niya.

Agad kong hinanap sa labas ang lalaki. Nakita ko siyang pasakay na sa isang puting sasakyan kaya sumigaw ako. “Sandali!” Tumigil siya at nilingon ako. Hinihingal ko siyang nilapitan at kinuha ang kanyang kamay. “Hindi ko ginawa nang maayos ang serbisyo ko kaya wala ho kayong dahilan para bayaran ako ng ganito kalaki,” sambit ko at ibinalik sa kanya ang pera bago umalis.

“Justine.” Tinawag niya ako kaya napalingon ako sa kanya. Ngumiti siya sa akin. “I’ll see you soon,” he said and went inside his car.

“Teka, sino ’yon, ah?” tanong ni Six nang lapitan niya ako. Tiningnan ko siya nang masama.

“Naka-s*x ko, bakit?” sambit ko.

“Ah,” sagot niya kaya mas lalo akong nainis at nagtawag na ng tricycle. “Teka, aalis ka na?” tanong ni Six pagsakay ko.

“Hindi ba obvious?” pilosopo kong sagot.

“Teka, ibigay mo ’to kay Louen. Knee pads, kailangan niya ’yan sa training niya,” he said and smiled genuinely. Tiningnan ko ang iniabot niya at saka tumango.

“Sige na, alis na. Manong, andar na ho,” sambit ko.

Nang makalayo na ako kay Six, hindi ko maiwasang tingnan ang ibinigay niyang knee pads kay Louen. Tumawa ako nang peke at tiningnan ang mga pasa sa aking tuhod dahil sa pagsayaw ko kanina.

“Sana sa ’kin mo na lang binigay ito,” bulong ko. “Nakakainis ka, Six.” Then tears fell from my eyes.

Chapter 13

FEAR

Louen

“HINDI ka papasok mamaya?” tanong ko kay Erille habang naglalakad kaming dalawa sa hallway ng college building namin, dahil bigla na lang siyang nagsabi na hindi siya papasok sa club mamayang gabi.

“Oo, papahinga muna ’ko,” sambit niya at tila wala siya sa kanyang sarili. Kagabi pa siya ganyan pero ayaw kong magtanong dahil alam kong hindi rin siya komportableng sabihin iyon sa akin.

“I already bought new washing machine,” sambit ko dahil nasira ito nong nakaraan.

Tiningnan niya ako. “’Di ba sinabi ko sa ’yo, ako na ang bibili n’on? Bakit bumili ka? Magkano nagastos mo? Babayaran ko na lang,” she answered and tried to get her wallet inside her bag.

I stopped her and smiled. “Ano ka ba, okay lang. At isa pa, nabili ko na, wala ka nang magagawa.” She looks so defeated when I said that. We just continue walking but stopped when someone grabbed her hair.

“Ahh!” inda ni Erille nang hilahin ni Stacey ang buhok niya. Mabilis kong itinulak si Stacey palayo kay Erille.

“What the hell, Stacey!” I shouted. Faith and Devy looked at me from head to toe.

“Oh my gosh! She befriended a wh*re. Eww! Can’t believe we’ve been friends with her,”

“Oh no, the rich Paris Mikka Louen is poor and also a wh*re like this girl beside her,” Stacey said and looked down at us. I stepped forward and fearlessly stared at her.

“Really? Whre? Did you have sx with Devy’s boyfriend and ,” I said, making Devy’s eyes widen.

“W-What?” Devy uttered.

I looked at Faith. “And you, do you think I don’t know that you steal my lost Channel bag because you can’t afford it? And, Devy, your boyfriend just using you for money!” I spilled the tea in front of all the students and smirked in front of them.

“How dare you, poor!” Stacey said. She was about to slap me but Erille stopped her hand and pushed her away, making her fall on the floor.

“Are you calling me poor? Really?” I playfully said. I get a dozen of cash from my bag and threw it to them.

“Here, be blessed by my money, plastics,” I said as the money spread around them. Naglapitan sa kanila ang ibang mga estudyante at nag-unahang kumuha ng pera. Nadaganan si Stacey ng mga estudyante at naitutulak-tulak naman sina Devy at Faith ng iba.

Tiningnan ko si Erille bago kami ngumiti sa isa’t isa at tumuloy na sa aming first class. After class, Erille helped me with my training. We continue it for almost two weeks.

---

Don’t you know that I cried tears of gold for you? I sit here poor for you Collect my pennies and my dimes That’s why you love it when I cry Platinum love for you I’d give no less for you Generosity is my enemy So I’m broke and your heart’s rich Because of me

I DID the tricks again. Paulit-ulit ko itong sinasayaw tuwing practice pero ngayo’y tila wala ako sa aking wisyo at hindi ko magawa nang maayos ang aking moves.

“Louen, break ka muna,” Coach said and stepped out of the practice room.

Bumababa ako ng pole at huminga nang malalim. I feel uneasy these days. I haven’t heard anything from him since he leaves, but he keeps on appearing in my mind every time I dance.

Bumalik si Coach na may dalang bottled water at iniabot ito sa akin.

“What’s happening, Louen? Kung kailan malapit na ang laban, doon ka nawawala sa sarili. May problema ka ba? Are you losing some inspiration?”

Natigilan ako sa tanong ni Coach. Am I really losing inspiration? Or am I just missing my inspiration?

“No, Coach. It’s just my bad day,” I said and drank the water. Pakiramdam ko’y ang bigat ng katawan ko at parang kulang ako sa tulog dahil inaantok ako. “Bukas wala na po ito, Coach.”

Tumango siya at umulit ako ng training. I went up the pole and did the tricks and fell at the spot I am aiming for, but I lose control and almost hit the floor. My coach quickly stood up and helped me off the pole.

“That’s an inch away, Louen, that’s not good. Rest for today and let’s just continue this tomorrow. You are not in a good state today,” she said before helping me fix our things.

“I’ll drive you home, you look pale,” Coach said while we were walking out of the university. I nodded because I also know that I’m not feeling well.

Inihatid ako ni Coach sa bahay at pagbaba ko ng sasakyan, she called me.

“Louen, take a rest, okay? It could be dangerous if you play with the pole unwell,” she said. I just nodded at her and went inside our house.

Naabutan kong nagluluto si Erille sa kusina kaya pabagsak akong naupo sa sofa.

“O, nand’yan ka na pala,” she said and walked to my place. She looked at me. “Bakit namumutla ka? May lagnat ka ba?” tanong niya at hinipo ang aking noo at leeg. “May sinat ka, gaga. Wait, tamang-tama, nagluluto ako ng sopas. Kumain ka ’tapos uminom ng gamot,” she said and ran to the kitchen to finish what she was cooking.

“Louen, gising na. Kumain ka muna at tanggalin mo na ’to.” Erille handed me a bowl of soup and kneeled in front of me to remove my knee pads and ankle bandage. “Kasi naman, masyado kang nagpapakapagod sa training mo. Hindi ka na nagpapahinga nang maayos, ’yan tuloy,” sambit niya bago itinabi ang knee pads at bandage ko sa kuwarto.

I started eating. Erille took care of me and gave me meds after eating.

“O, tara na sa loob at matulog ka na.” Inalalayan niya ako papasok ng kuwarto at pinahiga sa kama. “Matulog ka na, gagawa lang ako ng project sa labas.” Erille put blanket on me, closed the window, and went outside.

I tried to sleep. I need to be well tomorrow since I have another training session. The competition is near and I need to perfect my performance to win. I badly want to win and prove my passion to everyone.

I was thinking about the competition the whole time and didn’t notice that I already fell asleep.

---

I woke up thinking of Leusam just like what he said, and suddenly, I feel so off. I quickly ran to the bathroom to throw up.

“Louen, okay ka lang?” pupungas-pungas na sambit ni Erille habang hinahagod ang aking likod. Hinipo niya rin ang aking noo at leeg. “Wala ka naman nang sinat, siguro ’di lang tinanggap ng katawan mo ’yong sopas kagabi.”

When I’m done throwing up, we both stepped out of the bathroom and eat breakfast.

“I remember Six was out of the country for three days, right? He texted me,” I said, making Erille stop eating and looked at me.

“Papasok na pala ’ko mamaya sa club, kaya mo bang mag-isa dito mamaya?” bigla niyang sagot. Akala ko ba, nagpapahinga siya.

“Oo naman,” sagot ko. Ngumiti siya at nagpatuloy na sa pagkain. What’s wrong with her? She’s smiling yet her face was telling me that she’s not okay.

Pumasok kaming dalawa sa university at halatang-halata sa kanya na pinipilit niya lang maging masaya.

“Louen, ’kita na lang tayo mamaya sa bahay,” she said after the end our classes. I need to go to the practice room.

“Sige, ingat sa pag-uwi,” I said and watched her walk away.

When she was out of my sight, that’s when I walked toward the practice room and practiced my piece with Coach. It was good at first, not until . . .

“Louen!” Coach shouted when I fell on the floor while doing my lower tricks. Bigla kasing umikot ang paningin ko at kumirot ang aking ulo. Tinulungan ako ni Coach lumayo sa pole at tiningnan ang aking braso na may pasa. “Louen, didn’t I tell you to be careful? A pole is not made for careless people,” she said. “Look what happened to your arms. Let’s stop for now, I’ll send you home.”

She guided me to her car and handed me a cold bottle of water to put into my arms.

“This is not a good, Louen. Hindi tayo mananalo if ganito pa rin ang kondisyon mo sa competition. Since it’s Sunday tomorrow, let’s take a rest, okay? I want to see you on Monday well and in condition,” she said and opened the door for me when we reached our house.

“Yes, Coach. Sorry po,” I said. She nodded and left.

I went inside the house. Erille was already fixing her hair. When I walked past her, I almost threw up. Good thing I’m near the kitchen and I quickly ran towards the sink. Nasuka ako sa amoy ng pabango niya.

“Louen, okay ka lang ba?” Nilapitan niya ako at hinangod ang aking likod. “Alam mo, mag-iisang linggo ka nang ganyan. Napapansin ko, lagi kang nagsusuka. Akala ko no’ng una dahil pagod ka lang kaya nagkakasakit ka, pero ngayon iba na ito. Naamoy mo ba ang pabango ko kaya ka nagsuka?” tanong niya.

Pinunasan ko ang aking mga labi bago tumango sa kanya bilang sagot. Nagulat ako nang biglang hawakan ni Erille ang magkabilang balikat ako at tiningnan ako nang deretso sa aking mga mata.

“Gumagamit ba kayo ng proteksiyon?” she asked.

I furrowed my brows at her, making her understand that I don’t get what she was saying.

“Ang ibig kong sabihin, kung may nangyari ba sa inyo na hindi kayo gumagamit ng alam mo na . . . condom?” she asked.

Suddenly, I remember what happened the night when I got drunk. I know he didn’t use anything that time. Fear enveloped my whole body, my hand started to feel cold as ice.

“Hintayin mo ’ko dito,” Erille said and ran out of the house.

Nanatili ako sa aking kinatatayuan dahil sa sinabi ni Erille. Hindi kailanman pumasok sa isip ko na maaaring mangyari ito. Bigla akong nakaramdam ng takot at pangangamba sa maaaring mangyari kung totoo ang iniisip naming dalawa ni Erille.

Nagulat ko nang bumukas ang pinto at pumasok ang tumatakbong si Erille dala-dala ang tatlong pregnancy test kit.

“Subukan mo na, dali,” she said and pushed me to the bathroom.

Kinakabahan akong pumasok sa loob ng banyo at nanginginig na sinunod ang nakasulat sa pregnancy test kit. Sinubukan ko iyon nang tatlong beses at hindi tiningnan ang resulta hanggang sa matapos ako. Pumasok si Erille at hinawakan ang kamay ko.

“Sabay nating tingnan, ah,” she said and held me tight.

My knees feel so weak because of the tension and fear that I’m feeling. I didn’t expect that I would come into a situation like this.

“One, two, three.”

I closed my eyes when she checked it. She gasped. I slowly opened my eyes and see the results: two positive and one negative.

“W-What’s the meaning of t-this?” I asked. My whole body was trembling so badly.

“Hindi tayo sure. Magpa-checkup ka bukas, hindi na ’ko papasok ngayon,” Erille said.

Chapter 14

MOMMY

“CONGRATULATIONS, Miss Del Mundo, you are two weeks pregnant.” My heart just stopped beating as the doctor said that. Fear around my body prevailed.

I started trembling. I don’t know what to react right now. I don’t know what to do. This wasn’t even in the picture I was looking at. I shook my head and watched my hands shake while the doctor kept on explaining things to Erille.

When she noticed that my hands were shaking, she held my hand so tight. I slowly lift my head to gaze at her but she continued listening to the things the doctor was saying, while I just started hearing the loudest silence in my head. It was a deafening voice around my ears. I felt that my life was about to fall apart. My dreams started to fade. My goals started to vanish.

“That’s all for now. I will see you next month for your next checkup, okay? Be careful, mommy,” the doctor said when Rie helped me stand up.

“Thank you, Doc,” Rie said and guided me out of that suffocating room.

As we walked through the hallway of the hospital, I just felt so numb that I didn’t bother talking. I suddenly lose my voice; all I see was the clear path home and nothing else. Rie didn’t try to ask me something, she just held my hand like she was making me feel that she was here beside me.

But I was so close-minded understanding my situation right now. I can’t even process it in my mind. All I know right now was that my dreams weren’t visible in my path anymore.

When we arrive home, I let go of Rie’s hand and ran to our room.

“Louen!” Rie tried to stop me but I already locked myself inside and weakly sit behind the door. I covered my mouth and cried out loud.

I’m so afraid on what will happen next. I don’t know if I can do this, I don’t know how to properly love myself, pano pa kaya ’pag may anak na ako? Natatakot ako na baka maramdaman niya lang ang nararamdaman ko.

“Louen, alam kong natatakot ka, pero nandito ako. Please, buksan mo ang pinto, sasamahan kita sa pagsubok na ’to.”

Rie was crying outside the door, trying to convince me to open it, but I’m too weak to lean on anyone right now. I can’t do this.

“Louen, nandito lang ako,” Rie whispered behind the door. What she said slowly gave me the strength to open the door and let her in. As soon as she entered, she quickly hugged me and rubbed my back. I cried so hard in her arms.

“N-Natatakot ako,” I uttered as I rest on her shoulders.

“Sshh, nandito ako, kasama mo. ’Wag kang matakot,” she said and hugged me tighter.

And suddenly I remember my competition. It breaks my heart knowing that I can’t do it anymore. I hid my face in Rie’s arms and cried even more.

“I’ll lose everything, Rie,” I whispered while I’m sobbing so hard.

“No, Louen. This is the start where you’ll own everything. Your baby is your hope,” she said, but I didn’t believe it.

We stayed like that for an hour until I fell asleep and woke up. My eyes were swollen. Ako lang mag-isa rito sa kuwarto. Nakita ko ang note sa tabi ng kama na nagsasabi na lumabas lang saglit si Erille.

I looked at my stomach and bit my lower lip to control my tears again. I don’t know what to feel. I don’t want to blame this baby because it was clear that this was my fault and I don’t want Leusam to know about this, because I’m just a stripper he paid for his entertainment. Knowing that I’m carrying his child, this might just cause misfortune to him.

He was so nice and too good to be true, I can’t afford to watch him suffer and take responsibility for the thing he didn’t even want. This was all my fault; I was too careless. Now I’m losing everything in just a snap. I can’t keep this baby inside my womb.

“What should I do?” I whispered and lay down once again, closed my eyes, and just let go of all the pain and fear that I’m feeling.

“Mommy.”

“Mommy.”

“Mommy.”

I opened my eyes when I keep hearing that small voice in my head. Napaupo ako sa kama at hinabol ang aking paghinga.

“Louen, bakit?” tanong ni Erille na tila nagising dahil sa biglaan kong pagbangon.

Hindi ko agad nasagot ang tanong ni Erille; ang tanging nasa isip ko lang ay ang boses sa aking panaginip na tinatawag akong ‘Mommy.’

I looked down at my tummy, then I suddenly felt a goosebump on my whole body. I gasped, and tears fell from my eyes. This time, Erille stood up and panicked.

“What happened, Louen? Ano’ng nararamdaman mo?!” she said and held my hand.

I covered my mouth when realization hits me. I looked at Erille and pulled her in front of me. I was crying while holding her hands so tight.

“I’ll keep my baby, Rie,” I whispered.

Naguguluhan akong tiningnan ni Rie at saka dahan-dahang tumango.

“Oo, tatanggapin natin ang baby na ’yan, Louen. Nandito lang ako,” she said and wiped my tears.

My heart keeps beating so fast. I can’t believe that losing this baby crossed my mind. I’m so bad.

“Tahan na, makakasama sa baby ’yan,” she said and gave me a cup of water to drink. After that, I slowly calmed down and didn’t let go of her hand on my stomach. “Ano’ng plano mo ngayon, Louen?” seryosong tanong ni Rie habang inilalagay sa likod ng aking tainga ang ilang hibla ng buhok na nakaharang sa aking mukha.

“I will back out of the competition. I can’t risk my baby for the sake of that competition,” I said. Bakas sa mukha ni Erille ang lungkot nang tingnan niya ako. She knows how much this competition means to me, but I need to do this.

“Sasasamahan kita.” She smiled at me and suddenly, that gave me hope. I’m not alone in this fight; I have her and my baby.

---

“SERYOSO so ka ba sa desisyon mong ito, Louen? Bakit?” Coach asked with disappointment and disbelief on her face. I shook my head and tried to stop my tears.

Believe me, Coach, if only I could do this competition, I would do it. But now, I need to sacrifice things like this for this life inside my tummy.

I heard her sigh heavily before she spoke again. “If this is your decision, I can’t do anything about it anymore. I just hope that you won’t regret this.” Then she left.

I felt my knees weaken. I leaned on Erille. Agad niya akong niyakap at inalalayan. Tears keep on falling from my eyes, watching my life slowly fall apart. My dreams, my passion; I’m losing them. I’m losing it all just like how I lost my parents.

“Tara na sa Dean’s Office, El,” Rie whispered and guided me to walk to the Dean’s Office. I’ll also need to let go of my study. I wiped my tears before we enter the office and do what I have to do.

“Are you sure about this, Miss Del Mundo? You are one of the top students we have in this department, why are you suddenly deciding to stop studying?” one of my professors asked.

“I’m sorry, sir,” I uttered and shook my head.

“This is so frustrating; I was expecting more from you,” our dean said while signing my dropping form.

Humigpit ang pagkakahawak ko sa aking damit habang pinanonood ang pagpirma nito. I’m really gonna stop studying from now.

“I’m also dropping out, sir.”

Natigilan kaming lahat nang magsalita si Rie sa aking tabi. What?

“Pati ikaw, Miss Opiendo? Ano ba’ng nangyayari sa inyong dalawa?!”

I was just stiff the whole time. Erille tried to explain what happened about our sudden decision to our profs and dean. Wala sa plano na pati siya ay titigil sa pag-aaral.

After the long discussion, we stepped out of the room.

“Bakit mo ginawa ’yon, Rie? Importante sa ’yo ang pag-aaral mo, hindi ba?!” hindi makapaniwalang tanong ko sa kanya.

She smiled at me. “ Importante din naman sa ’yo, ’di ba? Eh ’di parehas tayo!“ She laughed like what she did wasn’t a big deal.

Tumigil ako sa paglalakad at tumayo sa harapan niya, hinawakan ko ang magkabilang balikat niya. “Why?”

Tiningnan niya ako nang deretso sa aking mga mata. “Sasamahan kita sa kahit anong desisyon mo at kasama ito sa desisyon na ’yon,” she said and smiled.

It was just a simple word that made tears escape from my eyes. I don’t deserve her in my life.

“’Wag ka nang umiyak. Maiiyak din ako, sige ka,” she said and held my hand before we both walked out of the university where we build our dreams.

Unfortunately, we couldn’t aim for our dreams anymore . . .

---

Erille

“ANO?!” malakas na sambit ni Mamu nang magpaalam ako na lilipat muna ako ng club na pagtatrabahuhan. Napakamot ako ng batok dahil sa expression niya ngayon. Nginitian ko na lang siya.

“Mamu naman, maka-react! Lilipat lang ako ng branch ng club, OA mo naman,” sambit ko, pero hindi niya ako tinigilan sa klase ng titig niya.

Nakapagdesisyunan namin ni Louen na manirahan muna sa Baguio at doon niya ipagpapatuloy ang pagbubuntis niya para hindi malaman ng ama ng bata ang sitwasyon niya. Ayaw niya itong bigyan ng obligasyon sa mga kamaliang ginawa niya. Naiintindihan ko ang gusto niyang mangyari at handa akong samahan siya kahit kapalit nito ay ang iwan ko ang kinasanayan kong club at lumipat sa Baguio.

“Bumalik ka dito ’pag nandito ka na uli sa Maynila. Sige na, umalis ka na bago pa kita pigilan,” sambit ni Mamu at agad akong tinalikuran, halatang nagpipigil ng luha. Natawa na lang ako at nagsimula nang magligpit ng mga gamit ko.

“Saan punta?”

Napalingon ako. Seryosong nakatingin si Six habang nakatayo sa tabi ng kinauupuan ko.

“Sa impiyerno, sama ka?” pilosopo kong sagot at saka tumawa.

“Sige,” sagot niya. Natigilan ako at muli siyang nilingon, seryoso pa rin siyang nakatingin sa akin. Akala ko sinasakyan niya lang ang sagot ko pero seryoso ang mukha niya kaya alam kong hindi siya nakikipaglokohan.

“Joke lang, ‘oy! Galit ka? Bat’ ganyan ka makatingin?” sambit ko at muling nagligpit ng mga gamit ko.

“Saan ka lilipat na club?” tanong niya. Narinig niya siguro na lilipat ako.

Tumigil ako sa aking ginagawa at hinarap siya.

“Oo, bakit? Sama ka?” tanong ko.

“Sige,” deretso niyang sagot kaya natawa ako.

“Loko! Lakas ng trip mo, gag*,” sambit ko. Tumayo ako at binuhat na ang aking mga gamit pero pinigilan niya ako. Hinawakan niya ang bag ko.

“Bakit ka biglang lilipat?”

Bigla akong nakaramdam ng kaba sa uri ng tingin na kanyang ibinibigay sa akin. Tinanggal ko ang kamay niya sa bag ko.

“Wala ka na do’n” sambit ko at nagmamadaling lumabas ng club. Pero ang loko, hinabol ako. This time he pulled my wrist and forced me to face him.

“Bakit nga sabi, eh?!”

“Dahil bunti—” Hindi ko natapos sasabihin ko nang magsalita siya.

“Buntis ka? Kaya ba hindi ka pumasok kahapon at lagi kang wala sa sarili?! Sino’ng ama n’yan?!” galit na sigaw niya kaya mabilis kong tinakpan ang bibig niya.

“Gag*! Hindi ako, si Louen! Ang ingay mo, t*ngina!” singhal ko at itinulak siya. Natigilan siya dahil sa sinabi ko bago muling hinawakan ang aking kamay.

“Kaya kayo lalayo dahil buntis siya? Sino’ng ama?” tanong niya.

“Hindi ko kilala. Basta aalis kami dahil ayaw niyang malaman ng kahit na sino dito na buntis siya,” sagot ko.

“Saan kayo lilipat?” seryosong tanong ni Six.

“Sa Baguio,” sagot ko, ’tapos bigla niya akong hinila papasok muli ng club at nilapitan si Mamu.

“Lilipat din ako kung saan lilipat si Erille,” sambit niya bago muli akong hinila palabas ng bar at sumakay sa motor niya.

Hindi makapaniwalang nakasakay ako sa motor niya. At sa ginawa niya ngayon-ngayon lang, nag-sink in sa akin ang lahat. Agad kong hinampas ang likod niya.

“Gag* ka ba? Bakit mo ginawa ’yon?!” sigaw ko.

“Sasamahan ko kayo sa Baguio.”

Biglang bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko dahil sa sinabi niya kaya hindi ako nakapagsalita agad.

“Ako na lang ang tatayong ama sa anak ni Louen,” dugtong niya na nagpatigil sa pagtibok ng puso ko. Tama, hindi ako ang dahilan kung bakit siya sasama—si Louen pa rin.

I smiled bitterly at dahan-dahan kong tinanggal ang pagkakakapit ko sa kanyang baywang habang umaandar ang motor niya.

“Ang galing mo, Six,” sambit ko. Tumawa siya. Then tears escaped from my eyes. “Ang galing mong paglaruan ang pakiramdam ko nang hindi mo sinasadya.”

---

Leusam

“YOU have an urgent meeting with Mr. Kline, sir,” my secretary said while we were walking in the hallway of the hotel I’m staying in.

“What time is the next meeting after that?” I asked while fixing my watch. F*ck! I’ve been working my whole life, but this is the first time I feel so off. I just want to go back to Manila in an instant and go meet her.

I clenched my jaw as we were about to approach the exit of the hotel when I bumped into a pregnant woman.

“I’m so sorry,” I said. She gently smiled at me and nodded.

“It’s fine. I’m okay, don’t worry,” she said.

I watched her walk away, holding her baby bump. And slowly I realized, I was admiring the view of a pregnant woman. I hope someday I’ll see her carrying my baby.

“Sir, we’re running out of time for the meeting,” my secretary interrupted.

“Yes, I forgot,” I uttered and fixed my tie.

Louen, what are you doing right now, baby? Fck, I dmn miss you.

Chapter 15

BABY

Louen

“AKO na d’yan, Louen. ’Wag ka nang magbuhat, hintayin mo na lang kami ni Erille doon sa sasakyan,” nag-aalalang sambit ni Six habang sinusubukan ko silang tulungang maglagay ng gamit sa sasakyan.

This is the day we are moving out. I still can’t imagine that I’m leaving Manila. The whole night, Leusam’s voice in my mind keeps on bothering me. It’s like he’s living inside of it for free.

But as I leave this place, I would try my best to forget about him and live a peaceful life away from anyone who knows me.

“Plastik mo! May paganyan-ganyan ka pa kay Louen pero sa akin mo lang din ipapabuhat!” narinig kong singhal ni Erille habang nag-aayos sila ng gamit sa sasakyan.

Six decided to go with us and stay in Baguio. He said he wanted to look after us and try a new place to stay, kaya pumayag ako. I don’t want Rie to sacrifice all her life for my mess; it’s a good thing that Six is with us. At least Rie could still live her life with him by her side.

I just smiled at them and sit inside the car. I drank a bottle of water since I always feel this little angel inside of me. I watched the two fight over our things. I just laughed at them.

Suddenly, a picture of my family popped up in my mind. I bitterly smiled because I know that they would be so disappointed with me when they discover this, so it was better to leave this place away from them. My heart was aching while remembering them but I need to be strong.

I will stand on my own and prove to this baby that I will be strong for her and give what’s best for her. And that starts with moving away from my real life. I don’t want the baby to know when he or she grows up that I was a stripper, that his or her father was just my customer. I will build a new life for the baby and that will start the moment I step on Baguio. I will restart everything.

“Ang arte mo! Ito na nga ang sa ’yo!” I glanced outside of the car when Six voice turned out so loud. They are fighting again.

“Anong maarte? Tama bang ipabuhat mo sa ’kin ’yong bow na malaki, samantalang sa ’yo, ’yong duffle bag lang? Ako ba ang lalaki dito?!” sigaw ni Rie kaya medyo napatakip ako ng aking tainga.

A day would never pass without them not fighting. They always fight over simple things and Rie became so irritated with him for no reason.

“Hindi ba?” Six teasingly said before he grabbed the box from Rie and brought it to the back of the car.

Rie irritatedly went inside the car. We both waited for Six to hop in since he will be the driver. When Six entered the car, he handed me a pineapple drink and a small box of donuts. Where did he get this?

“Baka magutom ka sa biyahe, Louen,” he gently said and smiled at me.

I smiled at him. “Thank you, Six. Rie, do you want some?” I asked Rie, but she just crossed her arms.

“Ayaw ko, Louen, sa ’yo na lang,” she said. Hinarap siya ni Six bago muling inasar.

“’Wag mo talagang bigyan ’to, Louen. Matakaw ’to, baka ubusin ’yan at ’di ka tirhan,” he said.

“O, talaga? T*ngina mo!” Erille said through his face before he put her headset on and ignored Six.

“Okay, let’s go,” Six said and looked at me through the rearview mirror. He winked and started the engine. I took a deep breath before I took a last gaze at the house and remember the time his car always brings me home.

Will I see him again? I hope not.

I closed my eyes as we leave the place. This would be the new start, Louen. Aim high, work hard, and give a better life to your child.

A better life is waiting for us somewhere in Baguio, and I’m ready to face it with this angel in my womb.

---

IT took us 6 hours until we finally reached the cold breeze of air in Baguio.

“Hoy, gising na! Nandito na tayo!” Itinulak ni Six si Erille upang gisingin ito pero mukhang hindi maganda ang mood ni Rie. She just silently woke up and ignored Six all the way to the place we were staying in.

Good thing I already found a house for rent here in Baguio. And now, we were finally moving in. The house has three rooms: the two room is located on the second floor and the other room is downstairs, so probably it would be Six’s room.

Tinulungan ako ni Six iakyat ang mga gamit ko sa kuwarto habang tahimik lang na naglilinis at nag-aayos ng gamit si Erille sa kanyang silid. Pagkatapos niya ay saka niya ako tinulungan din na mag-ayos. Six tried to tease her and play with her, but she just ignored him all the way.

“Are you okay, Rie?” I asked her when Six went down to grab some food. She looked at me, smiled, and nodded.

“Oo. Hindi ko lang pinapansin si Six dahil napagod na akong makipag-away. Nakakapagod ang biyahe. Ikaw pagkatapos kumain, magpahinga ka na kaagad. Bawal kang magpuyat,” she said and folded my clothes, then put it in the closet.

After helping me, we decided to eat. When she gained her energy, she and Six started fighting again. Until I went up to my room, they keep on arguing about small things. I think I need to get used to it since this will be part of my new start.

I took a shower and dried my hair before I lay in bed. I looked out the window and gazed at the foggy night. It’s cold but I feel comfortable with it. I slowly rubbed my tummy.

“Will I be a good mother to you?” I whispered, then suddenly, my heart beats so fast. I smiled. “You’re communicating with Mommy using my heart, huh?”

While gazing at the dark sky, he slowly flashed in my mind again, sending me that small aching effect on my chest.

“What’s your name?”

“You look so lovely.”

“Love me.”

I could clearly hear his voice inside my ears. I closed my eyes and rested my arms on my forehead before I forced myself to sleep and took him out of my mind.

But unluckily, I dreamed of him every night.

---

MONTHS passed by, Leusam kept on living in my whole system. I always try my best to forget about him and focus on making a living.

Six and Erille are already working in a famous club, while I try to make a living by selling my clothes online. Doon ako kumukuha ng pambili ng mga pagkain namin dito since the two of them never let me find work outside. Rie and Six said that they will sustain everything that I need during my pregnancy, but I can’t live and stay here leaning on them while they work hard to earn money.

I’m packing some dresses that were already sold and ready to be delivered tomorrow. I also cooked soup for dinner, I’m just waiting for those two to go home.

Around 9:30 p.m. ang uwi nila at malapit nang mag-9:30 kaya tumigil na ako sa pagpa-pack at inayos na ang plato sa lamesa. This is all I can do for them, because I know they were tired from work. At gaya nga ng sinabi ko, they will arrive 9:30 p.m.

At exactly 9:30 p.m., the door opened and Rie showed up. I looked for Six but he was not with her.

“Si Six?” tanong ko kay Rie habang hinuhubad niya ang heels niya.

“May nakitang dating kaklase doon sa club, inaya makipag-inuman kaya nauna na ’ko,” she answered. I nodded and removed one of the plates I prepared.

“Kain na pala tayo. Nagluto ako ng sopas,” I said and smiled at her.

“Wow!” Rie said before she sat beside me and started tasting what I’d cook. Since I was the one left at the house, I started learning how to cook on my own.

“Ay, may nakalimutan ako!” biglang sambit ni Rie kaya nagulat ako. May kinuha siya sa kanyang bag. It’s an envelop.

“What’s that?” I asked. She just smiled and opened it in front of me.

“Tada!”

My eyes literally widened when I saw a university enrolment form that says I’m enrolled in 3rd-year accountancy. I gasped and immediately covered my lips, looking at Rie in disbelief.

“Dumaan kami kanina ni Six sa university at in-enroll kita. Don’t worry, naipaliwanag ko sa dean doon ang sitwasyon mo at pumayag naman silang may take-home activities at lessons ka, kaya hindi mo na kailangan pumasok pa sa university araw-araw; you just have to comply for your activities he—”

Hindi ko na siya pinatapos magsalita at agad ko siyang niyakap nang sobrang higpit. Tears fell from my eyes.

“Alam ko kasing gusto mo pa rin ipagpatuloy ang pag-aaral mo kaya gagawin natin ito kasabay ng pagsubok natin kay Baby. Makakapagtapos ka rin ng pag-aaral, okay? Kami na ang bahala ni Six sa tuition mo.”

Tumalon ang puso ko sa saya dahil alam kong kahit naisakripisyo ko para sa baby ko ang pag-aaral ko ay hindi pa rin nawala sa akin ang pagnanais na magpatuloy. And now I have these two people who are doing their best to make me happy.

“I don’t deserve you, guys,” I said while crying so hard. I don’t know, I’m just so happy right now. I’m going to continue my study again.

“But we deserve you, Louen. Ano ka ba. ’Wag ka na ngang umiyak, naiiyak din tuloy ako,” she said and rubbed my back.

“I will pay all of these someday,” I said and kept crying in her arms.

“You don’t have to,” she whispered and kissed my forehead. I could never ask for more when I have Rie on my side. Thank God I have her in my life. I could never survive if she wasn’t with me.

“Thank you so much, Rie,” I whispered and held her so tight.

“Naku, kumain na nga tayo. Tama na ang drama, may checkup ka pa bukas sa doktor,” she said and wiped my tears.

We both laughed at each other while looking at our red eyes from crying.

---

I WOKE up and cooked breakfast for us. I also made some porridge for the drunk guy on the sofa. Erille stepped out of the staircase and immediately threw a towel on Six’s face.

“Maligo ka na! Kumakalat sa buong bahay ang baho mo!” she hissed at him.

Six slowly stood up and walked towards her place. “O, talaga?” he drunkenly said.

“Oo, ang baho!” malakas na sambit ni Erille sa mukha ni Six, kaya agad siyang hinawakan ni Six at pilit ipinaamoy sa kanya ang kanyang hininga.

“Ito, amuyin mo, langhapin mo pa,” he said.

“Ah! Gag* ka talaga, Six! P*ta, ang baho!” sigaw ni Rie at sinipa si Six palayo bago tumakbo papalapit sa akin. I smiled at them and told Six to take a shower.

“Six, maligo ka na at nang makakain ka na nito,” I said and showed him the porridge I made.

He quickly nodded like a good kid and went inside the bathroom to take a shower.

“Tayo na lang dalawa ang pumunta sa doktor ngayon, Louen, dahil mukhang lasing pa rin si Six,” sambit ni Rie habang nagpapalaman ng peanut butter sa pandesal.

I nodded as I agree. We ate breakfast together and let Six take a rest while we leave the house and attended my monthly checkup with my doctor.

“You are doing well, Louen. I can see that the baby is healthy. Can you see that? That is her feet and this is her head,” my doctor said while pointing to the screen to describe my baby’s position inside me using the ultrasound machine. “For now, I will just prescribe you some vitamins to take and recommend food for your first trimester,” she said after the ultrasound. “I’ll see you next month, Miss Del Mundo.”

Rie and I stepped out of her office and walked into the hospital hallway.

“Nakasulat dito na kailangan mong kumain ng prutas. Kaya bago umuwi, dumaan tayo sa palengke at mamili tayo ng mga strawberry at apple, orange, grapes—”

I cut her out. “Manggo,” I said.

“Okay. Mango at healthy foods,” pagpapatuloy niya.

“Louen?”

Natigilan kami nang may tumawag sa akin mula sa likod, and when we both face it, my lips parted when I recognized him. He was wearing a doctor’s lab gown and his gaze was all mine. Don’t tell me, he’s working here.

“Lynus?”

Chapter 16

TABI

“LYNUS?” I uttered as I faced him. He looked at my dress where my baby bump is really visible. He looked back at my face with furrowed brows before he walked close to me.

“You’re pregnant?” he asked.

I don’t know what to say. I suddenly felt that I was out of words in front of him. How the hell he was working here? I thought he was in Cebu.

“Why didn’t Ash tell me about this? Where are your pare—”

I cut him out and grabbed his hands. “Don’t tell anyone about this, Ly,” I said and pulled him out of the hospital and brought him with us to the nearby coffee shop. I looked at him seriously. I know he immediately understood that I’m in a complicated situation.

“What is the meaning of this, Louen?”

Rie seated beside me and handed us the coffee that she ordered.

“It’s complicated. I got kicked out of our house, and I accidentally got pregnant by a stranger.” I lied. “Now I’m carrying this baby and trying to live a new life. I don’t want my parents and Ash to know about this because they will just be disappointed with me. So please, Ly, don’t tell anyone about this,” I beg and gently reached for his hand and held it.

Lynus was my schoolmate in high school and he’s been close friends with my family ever since. At that time, he was always in our house playing with my brother. They moved to Cebu when he was in college because his grandma got sick.

He’s a good friend. I wasn’t expecting to see him here. Of all people, why him? I’m sure he’d tell this to my brother.

He sighed before he looked straight into my eyes. “I will keep this as long as I can help you,” he seriously said and caressed my hands. “You got my word.”

Agad akong nakahinga nang maluwag dahil sa sinabi niya. I stood up and hugged him.

“Thank you so much, Ly. Thank you,” I whispered. He rubbed my back and nodded.

“Just promise me that you’ll lean on me. I will help you,” he whispered and gently patted my head. I looked at him and shed tears in front of him.

“Thank you,” I said while pouting. He urged a charming smile before he wiped my tears and patted my head again.

“Stop crying, that’s not good for your baby,” he said and pinched my cheeks. I went back to my seat.

“I thought you were in Cebu?” I asked.

He took a sip of his coffee before he answered. “Didn’t Ash tell you that my family moved to Florida? I’m the only one living here in the Philippines, so I focused on working. As a Pediatrician Doctor,” he explained. I can’t believe that he’s a Doctor now.

I smiled at him and watched him look at Erille and smiled. “Ly, this is my friend Erille,” pagpapakilala ko kay Erille.

“Sorry, I didn’t introduce myself properly. I’m Doctor Lynus Edmonde Herrera. Nice to meet you.” He offered his hand to Rie before he looked at his watch. “Let me drive you home,” he said and stood up, grabbed his keys from the pocket of his lab gown, and reached for my hand.

“Naku, hindi na po, Doc. Maggo-gorcery pa po kami, eh,” Erille said.

Lynus called someone on his phone while holding my hands. “Hello, yes. I have an important errand today. Yes, cancel it for me,” he said and easily slid the phone into his pocket before he smiled at me. “I wanna come with you, guys. Let me drive you there.” He didn’t let us speak, he just gently pulled me out of the coffee shop and walked to the parking of the hospital.

He brought us in front of a white Ford Ranger Raptor and opened the back seat for Erille and guided her in, then he opened the passenger seat for me. I know Lynus is a nice and gentleman guy ever since. I can’t believe that he didn’t change.

“As you please,” he said.

My smile instantly faded when I remembered someone saying those words.

“As you please.” That made my heart flutter.

“Are you okay?” Lynus asked as I went inside his car. Bumalik ako sa aking sarili at nginitian siya.

“Yes, I’m fine,” I said. He helped me put the seat belt on before he closed the door and went inside the driver’s seat.

“Let’s go,” he said before he removed his lab gown and drove us to the mall. He helped us with our groceries, he even suggested food that I should eat and some things I might need.

“Tara na sa cashier,” sambit ni Rie. Itinulak ni Lynus ang cart namin papunta sa cashier.

“One thousand two hundred thirty-four pesos, ma’am,” the cashier said.

I was about to grab my wallet when Lynus gave his debit card to the lady. “Here,” he said.

“Lynus, ako na dapat,” I said, but he just smiled at me.

“My treat,” he said and winked.

“Hindi na dapat, Ly—”

He cut me off. “My treat,” he said and turned his back on me, helping the staff to pack our groceries and brought it to his car.

“Yes, family friend,” sagot ko. She crossed her arms on her chest and move closer to me.

“I think he likes you,” she whispered.

I smile and said, “I know.”

I remember before Lynus leave and move to Cebu, he confessed his feelings for me but I was too young to understand and think of the word love at that time.

“Ay, confident yarn ?” sambit ni Rie kaya natawa ako.

“No, I just know it from the very start,” I whispered and smiled at Lynus when he finished what he was doing.

“Let’s go,” he said. Gaya ng ginawa niya kanina, pinagbuksan niya kami ng pinto ni Rie at inihatid sa bahay.

“Thank you for helping us and for the grocery, Lynus. Babayaran ko na lang ito sa susunod,” sambit ko.

“No need. It’s a treat, Louen. I’m happy to see you again. I promise I’ll help you with your baby,” he said before he glanced at his watch. “I have to go.”

I nodded at him and smiled.

“Thank you for the ride, Doc,” Rie said, then we both watched him drive his way out of our street.

“Who’s that?”

Nagulat kami ni Rie nang biglang nagsalita sa likuran namin si Six na halatang kagigising lang.

“Si Doctor Lynus, bagong leading man ni Louen. Talo ka!” Rie said and went inside. Nginitian ko na lang si Six bago sumunod kay Rie sa loob ng bahay.

“Louen, totoo ba ’yon? Pano naman ako?!” rinig kong sambit ni Six mula sa labas kaya natawa ako at tumuloy na sa aking kuwarto para magpahinga.

I rested on the bed and rubbed my tummy while looking at the ceiling. “That’s Tito Lynus, baby, he’s Mommy’s friend,” I whispered.

I already have three people by my side, so there is nothing to be afraid of anymore, Louen. You can do this.

I looked at my tummy and smiled. “Baby, don’t make Mommy suffer so much, okay?” Ngumiti ako at ipinikit ang aking mga mata.

Nakabalik na kaya ng Pilipinas si Leusam? Hinahanap niya kaya ako?

“Stop it, Louen,” I whispered.

---

Erille

“RIE!”

Agad kong nabitiwan ang sandok na hawak ko nang marinig ko ang sigaw ni Louen mula sa itaas, kaya mabilis akong tumakbo sa hagdanan. Nagkabangga pa kami ni Six nang tumakbo rin siya paakyat sa kuwarto ni Louen. Sabay naming binuksan ang pinto.

“Ano’ng masakit?!” sigaw naming dalawa. Naabutan naming nakaupo si Louen sa dulo ng kama habang hawak ang kanyang tiyan. Habang tumatagal, lumalaki na ang tiyan ni Louen at medyo malapit na rin kami sa katotohanan.

Tumawa si Louen. “You two look so scared. I’m okay. Gusto ko lang sana ng rambutan at asin,” she said and pouted at us. Nagkatinginan kami ni Six at agad ko siyang itinulak.

“Maghanap ka ng rambutan, dali!” sambit ko. “Sige, Louen. Wait lang, ah.” Itinulak ko si Six pababa ng hagdan. “Humanap ka ng rambutan, dalian mo,” utos ko. Hinarap niya ako at hinawakan ang aking kamay.

“Bakit ako?” he asked and moved closer to me.

“Eh ’di ba gusto mong maging tatay ng anak ni Louen? Ngayon maghanap ka ng rambutan!” singhal ko sa kanya at tinalikuran siya para kumuha ng asin.

“Saan naman ako hahanap ng rambutan dito sa Baguio, eh strawberry ang meron dito?!” reklamo niya.

“Aba, problema mo na ’yon,” sagot ko. Pero ang loko, hinila ako palabas ng bahay.

“Sumama ka sa ’kin,” he said.

Wala akong nagawa kundi sumama sa kanya sa malapit na palengke at naghanap kami ng rambutan.

“Ano ba ’yan! Naikot na natin, wala pa rin!” singhal ko at nagpunas ng pawis habang nag-iikot dito sa palengke. Malamig dito sa Baguio pero ang init dito sa palengke dahil ang daming tao.

“’Ayun!” sigaw ni Six at agad akong hinila sa matandang babae na nagtitinda ng prutas. Tama nga, may rambutan si Nanay.

“Magkano ho sa rambutan, ’nay?” tanong ko nang itulak ako ni Six para ako ang magtanong. Ang galing ng gag*, ’di ba?

“Fifty isang kilo, ’nak,” sambit ni Nanay.

“Sige po, ’nay. Tatlong kilo na po,” I said and get money in my pocket.

“Madalang ang may bumibili ng rambutan dito, maliban na lang kung pinaglilihian ito. Naku, hija, buntis ka ba?” sambit ni Nanay.

Natigilan ako sa pamimili ng malaking rambutan. Ako? Bakit ako?

“Naku, ang ganda at ang guwapo n’yong mag-asawa, siguradong maganda ang magiging anak n’yo,” pagpapatuloy ni Nanay.

Napatingin ako kay Six. Kaming dalawa? Mag-asawa? Mabilis na tumibok ang puso ko sa ideyang iyon.

“Naku, ’nay, hindi po kami mag-asawa. Katulong po namin siya,” sagot ni Six kaya nawala ang ideyang iyon sa aking isipan at bigla na lang gusto kong patayin siya.

“Opo, ’nay. Hindi po, dahil alagang aso po namin ’yan,” sagot ko.

Tiningnan niya ako nang masama at gano’n din ang ginawa ko. Tumawa si Nanay sa amin at iniabot ko na ang bayad.

“Naku, bagay pa man din kayo,” aniya.

Tumawa ako nang peke. “’Nay, hindi po kami bagay. Tao po ako, hayop siya. Salamat po dito, ’nay,” tugon ko bago kinuha ang ipinamili at agad iniwan si Six.

Umuwi kami at agad ibinigay kay Louen ang rambutan na isinawsaw niya sa asin na may sili.

“Thank you, Rie, Six. Hmm, sarap!” she said. We just watched her ate that weird food combination. Nagpaulit-ulit iyon hanggang sa tumagal na isang kahon na ang binibili namin para sa kanya.

---

NAALIMPUNGATAN ako nang marinig kong umiiyak si Louen. Dito na ako natutulog sa kuwarto niya ’pag walang pasok para samahan siya.

Mabilis akong bumangon at tiningnan siya. “Bakit ka umiiyak? May masakit ba sa ’yo? Tiyan mo ba?” tanong ko, pero imbes na sagutin niya ako ay niyakap niya ako at umiyak sa aking balikat.

Dahil sa pagbubuntis niya, mas nagiging emosyonal siya at halos gabi-gabi siyang umiiyak. Minsan ang dahilan niya ay nami-miss niya na ang pamilya niya, naaalala niya ang kapatid niya, gusto niyang makita ang lola at lolo niya, naalala niya ’yong tatay ng anak niya, at madalas ay natatakot siyang ’pag lumabas na ang anak niya ay baka—

“Baka hindi ko kayang palakihin nang maayos ang anak ko,” bulong niya. Agad kong hinagod ang likod niya at humiga kami nang sabay habang yakap ko siya.

“Sshh. Kaya mo ’yan, ikaw pa ba? Ikaw ang magiging best mommy para sa baby mo,” bulong ko. She just cried until he went back to sleep.

Minsan naaawa ako sa kanya tuwing umiiyak siya sa kalagitnaan ng gabi kaya mas pinili ko na lang na manatili sa tabi niya para may kasama siya.

Louen was having a hard time accepting herself as a mom, but I know that she was trying her best and preparing herself for her baby. That’s why I know that she was going to be a great mother when the baby comes out. Ang problema lang namin ay ang pambayad sa ospital ’pag nanganak na siya. Mahina ang kita ko at ganon din si Six, samantalang naubos na ang ipon ni Louen.

“Kaya natin ’to, Louen,” I whispered and hugged her before I went back to sleep.

---

“R-RIE,” rinig kong tawag ni Louen sa akin habang naglilinis ako ng sahig ng banyo.

“Bakit, Louen? Wait lang, tapusin ko lang ’to, malapit na ’ko,” sambit ko habang panay ang kiskis sa sahig.

“R-Rie.”

“Sandali na lang, ito na . . .” Binilisan ko ang pagkiskis ng sahig.

“Erille,” sambit ni Louen.

“Oo, ito na,” ani ko bago tinanggal ang suot kong panyo sa mukha at dahan-dahang lumabas ng banyo. “Bakit, El? May nararamda—”

Natigilan ako nang makita siyang nakatayo sa tapat ng kama habang tumutulo ang tubig sa hita niya at basa na ang sahig. Bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko nang magkatinginan kami. Ito na ’yon!

“Six!” sigaw ko at agad kinuha ang bag na inihanda namin para sa panganganak niya. “Six!” Sigaw ako nang sigaw habang nag-aayos ng gamit at inaalalayan si Louen palabas.

“Baki—oh, sh*t!” Agad tumakbo si Six nang makita kaming pababa ng hagdan. Agad niyang binuhat si Louen pababa. Kinuha ko ang padlock at ikinandado ang bahay bago kami tumakbo palabas at tumawag ng taxi.

Hinawakan ko ang kamay ni Louen habang panay ang hinga niya nang malalim. Sa harapan ng taxi nakaupo si Six. Agad kong kinuha ang cell phone ko sa bag at tinawagan si Lynus.

“Yes, hello?” He answered it so quickly.

“Doc, manganganak na si Louen, papunta na kaming ospital ngayon.”

Mas humigpit ang kapit sa akin ni Louen kaya mas lalo akong kinabahan.

“Okay. I’ll wait for you guys here,” he said. Pinatay ko ang tawag at inalalayan si Louen.

“Rie,” she whispered and looked at me. Nginitian ko siya at inayos ang kanyang buhok.

“Malapit na tayo,” sambit ko.

Pagkarating namin sa ospital, agad binuhat ni Six palabas ng taxi si Louen. Sinalubong kami ni Lynus sa harap ng entrance ng ospital at kinuha si Louen mula kay Six bago ihiga sa hospital bed at mabilis itinakbo sa delivery room.

Naiwan kami ni Six sa labas ng emergency room na puno ng kaba. While waiting, I could hear Louen shouting inside.

I prayed the whole time. It took us ’til 11 p.m. bago lumabas ng delivery room si Lynus kasama ang doctor na nagpaanak kay Louen. Dumating kami rito nang 2 p.m. Nine hours ang naging labor ni Louen sa loob.

Agad kong nilapitan si Lynus paglabas nila. “Kumusta siya?” My hands were shaking and tears were falling from my eyes. Six held my hand and stood beside me, waiting for the result of the delivery.

“She’s fine. We will move her to her room after a minute. The baby is also fine, makikita n’yo siya mamaya.” Halos mawalan ako ng balanse nang sabihin iyon ni Lynus. Nakahinga ako nang maluwag.

Inalalayan ako ni Six at hinintay naming ilipat ng room si Louen.

“Mauna ka na sa room ni Louen,” utos ko kay Six. Tumango siya bago dalhin ang bag sa room ni Louen.

Nilapitan ko si Lynus at nakita siyang nagbabayad para sa bills ni Louen.

“Lynus,” I uttered his name. He glanced at me and smiled. “Maraming salamat,” sambit ko. Alam kong hindi namin mababayaran ang bill ni Louen ngayon kaya laking pasasalamat ko na nandito siya.

“No problem. Let’s go check the baby,” he said, and we both walked toward Louen’s room.

Pagpasok namin sa loob ay gising na si Louen. Her eyes were swollen; halatang umiyak siya at medyo maputla ang kanyang mukha. Hinintay na lang namin ang baby na dumating.

“Okay ka na?” tanong ko kay Louen. Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya at umupo sa tabi niya. She nodded and smiled, even though she was still in pain.

After a few minutes, the room opened. Dala-dala ng nurse ang baby niya.

---

Louen

“HERE’S your baby, Miss Del Mundo,” the nurse said.

My heart stopped beating as I looked at her being held by the nurse. My baby.

The nurse slowly handed me my baby. My heart didn’t stop pounding as I watched her move while she was still in her sleep.

Her lips, her nose, and her lashes, all look like him . . .

I could see his face in my baby’s face. All I see about her is his resemblance.

“Hello,” I whispered when she slowly moved and tried to open her eyes. My tears started falling again just like how I heard her voice in the delivery room.

Rie held the baby’s little hand and shed tears with me. She smiled and looked at me.

“What’s her name, El?”

I smiled and look at her. My angel.

“Clouise Tabitha Del Mundo.” Jimenez.

---

Leusam

“I’LL call you when I’ve arrived in Manila,” I said, stepping out of the car as we stopped in front of the airport.

“Noted, sir,” my secretary said.

“Okay,” I uttered and walked towards the entrance of the airport. I checked my phone and looked at her phone number. Is she waiting for me? Should I text her or surprise her?

“Sir!”

I stopped when my secretary shouted and saw him stepping out of the car. He was on a phone call. Who was he talking to?

“Sir, there’s a problem with the deal!”

“What?!”

Chapter 17

TOO YOUNG

Louen

IT’S already been a month since that wonderful day happened to me, and now I’m carrying the result of that wonderful day.

They said that every newborn child begins a new world, and this little thing over here truly defines the new world to me. Every time I woke up, she was the hope that make me smile. Every time I gaze at her, I could see her father’s face, but that just made her so special. I realized that forgetting him wasn’t right because he was the reason why I have Tabi with me.

Leusam just gave me hope. I will never forget him.

“Good morning, little Tabi,” I joyfully said while kissing Tabi’s chubby cheeks. She pursed her lips and smiled at me. “My Tabi is having a good morning call, huh? You’re in a good mood, ah? My Tabi is in a good mood,” I whispered in her ears.

She giggled and tried to hold my head. I smiled at her and tried to kiss her chubby tummy. She keeps on giggling while I keep tickling her and kissing her tummy. I’ve been living a peaceful life ever since she came into my life.

“Tabi!” Bumukas ang pinto ng aking kuwarto at pumasok si Rie na may dalang teddy bear. “Tabi, look! May binili si Tita Rie para sa Baby Tabi namin,” masiglang sambit ni Rie at ipinakita kay Tabi ang binili niyang Teddy Bear. Sumasayaw-sayaw pa ito habang ipinapakita kay Tabi,nararamdaman siguro ni Tabi ang excitement mula sa boses ni Rie, kaya ngumiti ito. “Ano maganda yung binili ko diba, look mo Baby Tabi, wow, my name is teddy!!!”

“Parang kailan lang, nasa tiyan mo lang siya, ngayon ang taba ching-ching na ang baby,. At ang ganda-ganda pa ng Tabi namin na ’yan,” Rie said and smiled at Tabi as she sniffed her armpit.

Tabi giggled and accidentally kicked her face, kaya hindi namin naiwasan ni Rie na tumawa.

“Magluluto lang ako sa baba ng almusal,” paalam ni Rie after playing with Tabi.

I nodded at her and left us. I leaned closer to my Tabi and looked her in the eyes. She smiled at me.

“Why do you look like him?” I asked her and hold his tiny palm. “Why do you look like your father?” How are you, Leusam?

“Louen, si Lynus, nandito!” rinig kong sigaw ni Rie sa ibaba. Umupo ako nang maayos bago binuhat si Tabi at dinala sa ibaba.

“Lynus,” I said. He smiled at me and got Tabi from my arms before he kissed her.

“How’s my Tabi?” he said.

---

Erille

“HOW’S my Tabi?”

Napangiti ako habang pinagmamasdan silang tatlo sa sala. They look like a happy family. Bagay na bagay sina Louen at Lynus kaya hindi ko mapigilang i-ship silang dalawa, lalo na’t sobrang bait ni Doc Lynus; hindi niya pinabayaan si Louen simula nang makita namin siya. Kaya boto talaga ako kay Lynus para kay Louen. Pakiramdam ko, hindi niya pababayaan sina Louen at Tabi kahit ano’ng mangyari, kung sakaling maging sila talaga.

“Bakit napadalaw ka, Ly?” tanong ni Louen kay Doc. Nilingon siya ni Doc bago muling ngumiti at sinagot ang tanong ni Louen.

“I just wanna treat you and Tabi for breakfast and lunch at the mall. Are you in?”

“Yeah, sure,” Louen said and get Tabi from him. They both get dressed upstairs.

“Doc, juice,” sambit ko at inabutan siya ng juice. While he was waiting, he sat on the sofa and try to read something on his phone.

I continued cooking when the door opened, and the demon came in. Napairap ako nang makita siyang nakatingin kay Lynus. Agad niya akong nilapitan sa kusina.

“Ano’ng ginagawa n’yan dito?” nakasimangot na tanong ni Six. Hindi ko siya pinansin at nagpatuloy lang sa pagluluto.

Maya-maya lang ay bumaba na sina Louen at sumama kay Lynus sa labas. Naiwan kaming dalawa ni Six.

“Napapansin ko, palagi na lang pumupunta dito ang doctor na ’yon, ah. Pinopormahan niya ba si Louen?” seryosong tanong ni Six sa akin habang nakasandal sa lamesa.

“Ano namang paki mo kung pinopormahan si Louen? Inggit ka?” singhal ko at isinalin ang niluto kong champurado sa mangkok.

“May paki ako dahil gusto ko si Louen!” he hissed and keep on looking at me na parang nagsusumbong na bata.

“Alam mo, sumuko ka na kay Louen. Hindi ka niya magugustuhan, ’no!” sambit ko at inilagay sa lamesa ang aking niluto. “Isa pa, hindi kayo bagay ni Louen.”

Narinig ko ang pagsinghal ni Six bago lumapit sa akin at ipinatong ang kaliwang kamay sa lamesa bago ako tingnan.

“At kanino naman ako bagay? Sa ’yo?”

Napalingon ako sa kanya at agad natigilan nang hindi ko napansin na malapit pala siya sa akin; sobrang lapit ng mukha namin sa isa’t isa.

Halos pigilan ako ang aking paghinga dahil sa sobrang lapit niya. Bumilis ang pagtibok ng puso ko.

“Kung sa ’yo lang din, ’wag na lang. Hindi ako pumapatol sa aso,” pang-aasar niya. Agad akong lumayo sa kanya at sinuntok siya sa tiyan.

“Aso pala, ah. Ikaw, mukha kang dugong. T*ngina, tabi nga!” sambit ko at tumuloy muli sa kusina para kunin ang isa pang mangkok ng champurado.

“Ano kaya kung ayain ko nang magpakasal si Louen?”

Nabitiwan ko ang hawak kong mangkok ng champurado nang sabihin niya iyon.

“Aray!” Natapon ito sa aking hita kaya agad ko akong lumayo at tuluyang nabasag ang mangkok sa sahig.

“Erille!” sambit niya at mabilis tumakbo upang lapitan ako. I bit my lower lip to control the pain of my burning left thigh. Namumula ito nang sobra dahil bagong luto lang ang champurado at mainit pa talaga ito.

Napahawak ako sa braso ni Six dahil sobrang sakit ng hita ko. Hindi ko mapigilang maluha dahil sa sakit.

“Sh*t!”

Nagulat ako nang bigla akong buhatin ni Six at dinala sa labas ng bahay at itinakbo sa ospital.

Habang papunta kami roon ay mahigpit ang yakap ko sa kanya dahil sobrang sakit ng hita ko. Tuloy-tuloy ang pagluha ko hanggang sa makarating kami sa ospital gamit ang big bike niya.

“Be careful, Miss Opiendo. ’Buti na lang first degree burn lang ang nangyari, dahil kung mas malala pa d’yan ay baka magbalat ang hita mo. Ang puti mo pa man din at ang ganda ng hita mo,” Doctor Deisy said while putting some ointment on my legs. “Kaso medyo mamamaga ito sa darating na araw kaya you have to take care of it and put ointment lang palagi, okay?”

Mahigpit ang pagkakahawak ko sa braso ni Six habang nilalagyan ako ng ointment dahil masakit talaga.

“Boyfriend, don’t let your girl work muna, okay? Mas maganda kung hindi ginagalaw ang hita niya para hindi na lumala and help her on putting some ointment for the meantime, okay?” ani Doc kay Six. Handa na dapat akong sabihin na hindi ko siya boyfriend ngunit sumagot siya.

“Okay, Doc,” he said and kept on looking at my burned thighs. Bakas sa mukha niya na pinag-aaralan niya kung paano ilalagay ang ointment kaya hindi ko maiwasang matuwa at lihim na mapangiti.

After that, binuhat niya ako pabalik ng parking at isinakay sa motor niya.

“Ano ba ’yang suot mo?!” sita niya sa akin. Napatingin ako sa suot ko. Nakasuot ako ng dolphin short shorts and satin white blouse kung saan kitang-kita ang black kong tube bra.

“Eh, bigla mo ’kong dinala dito, eh!” sambit ko. Tiningnan niya ako nang masama at pinitik sa noo.

“Kung hindi ka ba naman tanga, hindi sana kita dadalhin dito!” he hissed.

“Sana hindi mo na lang ako dinala dito kung magrereklamo ka rin pala, gag*!” singhal ko.

Sumakay siya sa kanyang motor at hinubad ang jacket bago inilagay sa aking hita.

“Aray! Dahan-dahan!” sigaw ko nang tamaan niya ang paso ko. Umigting lang ang panga niya at pinaandar na ang motor pauwi ng bahay.

Naba-bad trip ako sa kanya; parang isinusumbat niya sa akin ang pagtulong niya. Sana pala hindi niya na lang ako dinala sa ospital kung ganito lang pala ang mangyayari.

Hindi ako humawak sa kanya sa buong biyahe. Nang ibaba niya ako sa motor, itinulak ko siya at naglakad nang paika-ika papasok ng bahay.

“Ay!” Nagulat ako nang bigla akong buhatin ni Six at ipasok sa bahay bago pabagsak na ibinaba sa sofa. “Ah! T*ngina talaga, Six!” singhal ko.

Nakasimangot niya lang akong tiningnan bago isara ang pinto ng bahay. Kinuha niya ang ointment na ibinigay ni Doc at lumuhod sa harapan ko.

“Kaya ko, na akin na ’yan!” Sinubukan kong kunin sa kanya ang ointment pero hindi siya pumayag at binuksan ito. Hinawakan niya ang hita ko at dahan-dahang naglagay ng ointment sa aking hita.

“Magpakatanga ka pa uli para ’yong kabila naman,” bulong niya. Mas lalo akong napasimangot dahil sa sinabi niya.

“Alam mo, kung tutulong ka lang din nang ganyan, ’wag na lang. Ako na lang! Akin na!” singhal ko at pilit inagaw sa kanya ang ointment.

“Tumigil ka nga, Erille. Akin na, tatapusin ko na,” sambit niya. Natigilan ako nang higpitan niya ang pagkakahawak sa aking hita at dahan-dahang ipinahid ang ointment.

Hindi ko maiwasang hindi maging komportable sa pagkakahawak niya sa aking hita, kaya nang malapit na siyang matapos, mabilis ko siyang sinipa at saka tumayo.

“Salamat!” sigaw ko bago umakyat sa itaas at nagkulong sa aking kuwarto.

Pagkasara ko ng pinto ay napahawak ako sa aking puso.

“’Wag kang mahuhulog, Erille. Si Louen ang gusto ni Six, tama na!” paalala ko sa aking sarili.

Napaupo ako sa sahig at napabuntonghininga.

“Ang tanga mo, Erille Justine.”

---

Louen

“THANK you for the treat, Ly. Sobrang dami mo nang nagagastos sa amin ni Tabi, nakakahiya na. Hindi ko pa nga nababayaran ’yong utang ko sa ’yo sa pagbayad ng hospital bills ko no’ng nanganak ako,” nahihiya kong sambit nang bumaba kami ni Tabi sa sasakyan ni Lynus sa tapat ng bahay.

Inabot kami ng hapon sa pamimili ng mga regalo niya sa , at siyempre binilhan niya rin si Tabi ng kung ano-ano.

“Don’t mention it, Louen. I will do anything for you,” he said and smiled. Naalala ko na naman si Leusam dahil sa sinabi niya. Nawala ng ngiti sa aking mga labi pero hindi ko iyon ipinahalata sa kanya.

“Ahm . . . papasok na kami ni Tabi sa loob dahil baka mahamugan siya. Mag-ingat ka sa pag-uwi,” pagbabago ko ng topic at nagsimula nang buksan ang pinto ng bahay. He nodded and smiled at me before he entered his car and drove his way home.

Pumasok na ako sa loob at binitiwan si Tabi sa crib niya sa sala bago isa-isang ipinasok ang mga ipinamili namin sa loob. Tahimik ang bahay kaya nagtaka ako. Nasaan sina Rie at Six?

Normally, when we go outside and went home, loud noise ang sasalubong sa amin. Pero ngayon, ang tahimik ng bahay at wala silang dalawa rito sa sala.

and noticed a broken bowl on the trash bean. Kunot-noo akong sumilip sa kuwarto ni Six. Nakabukas nang kaunti ang kuwarto niya kaya nakita ko agad na nakatapat siya sa PC niya habang nakasuot ng headset.

After that, umakyat na rin ako sa itaas upang silipin si Erille. Pagbukas ko ng pinto, tulog na siya. This is new.

Naguguluhan akong bumababa at kinuha si Tabi sa crib bago iniakyat sa itaas at pinalitan ng damit.

“Isn’t it silent, Tabi?” I asked her while changing her diapers.

“Hmm.” She made a small sound like she was talking to me, that’s why I smiled and continue changing her clothes.

“Let’s sleep, Tabi chu-chu. My Tabi chu-chu is going to sleep. My Tabi chu-chu is going to sleep,” I keep whispering that until she fell asleep. That’s when I take the chance to change and take a shower before sleeping beside her.

After taking a shower, I dried my hair and decided to fix my clothes in my closet because it was a bit messy already. When I’m near folding and fixing it all, I stop when I saw the dress Leusam bought for me back then. Kahit kailan, hindi pumasok sa isip ko na ibenta ito nang tuluyan dahil sa hindi malamang dahilan. Suddenly I just felt that I need to keep it. When I tried thinking of selling it, Leusam kept on bugging me in my dreams.

Huminga ako nang malalim bago ito pinagmasdan. Muling tumibok nang mabilis ang puso ko. He’s the only man who can make my heart go crazy just by thinking of him.

I was gazing at the dress when Tabi suddenly cried so loud. I quickly stood up and tried to give her a breastfeed but she was not stopping. Inihele ko siya para patulugin muli pero mas lalo lang lumakas ang pag-iyak niya.

And when I looked at her face, I just felt that something was wrong with her. Real tears are falling from her eyes. I felt a sudden fear.

“Erille!” sigaw ko habang pilit pinapatahan si Tabi.

Pumasok si Erille sa kuwarto ko nang paika-ika at agad akong tinanong. “Ano’ng nangyayari?” Tiningnan niya si Tabi.

“She was crying non-stop. I think something is wrong with her,” I whispered. When Rie looked at Tabi, she shouted.

“Six!”

A few seconds later, Six showed up at the door and asked, “What’s happening?”

“Dalhin natin sa ospital si Tabi,” Rie said. Tumango si Six at agad bumaba para tumawag ng taxi.

“Rie,” I uttered. I suddenly felt uneasy.

“Tara na,” seryosong sambit ni Rie.

---

TUMULOY kami sa ospital. Pagpasok namin sa loob, agad akong sinalubong ni Lynus at kinuha sa akin si Tabi.

“What happened to Tabi?” he asked me while holding Tabi.

“She suddenly cried non-stop. I think something is wrong with her,” I whispered. I felt that I’m out of air that I keep gasping which made me lose my voice.

“Don’t worry, we got this,” he said and brought Tabi inside a room.

We waited for half an hour before Lynus stepped out of the room.

“Where’s Tabi?!” I asked. He held my hand.

“She’s taking a rest for a while,” he said and brought us to his office.

“What’s wrong with her, Ly?” tanong ko habang nakaupo sa tabi ko sina Rie at Six. Lynus sit on his table and showed something from his computer screen. “What’s that, Ly?” My hand started to tremble in fear.

“Anemia,” he said. “Tabitha has anemia, and it is a sickle cell disease. She has a low red blood cell inside her body that cause her headache that happened a while ago. SCD is a group of inherited red blood cell disorders, where red blood cells deform into a round shape, and became sticky and hard that flow into her blood vessel. And because of its deformed shape, it is obstructing her blood vessel that gives the oxygen inside her body a hard time flowing properly.”

My lips parted because of what he said.

“Anemia SCD caused her low stamina, fatigue, and low vision. She’s easy to get tired because of lack of oxygen inside her body. She might need a monthly red blood transfusion to sustain her body needs.”

My heart just fell because of what I heard.

“My Tabi has anemia . . .” I uttered with disbelief. I feel so weak right now.

She’s too young for this.

Chapter 18

SIX

Three years later . . .

“MOMMY, up, wakey up!”

My whole body was shaking as Tabi started pushing and shaking my arms, trying to wake me up. I continue acting like I was still sleeping and watched what she will do next.

“Mommy!”

I bit my lower lip when she lay her whole body above me and called me for so long.

“Mommy, itch my birthday,” she said and keep moving above me like a lazy kid. “Mommy, wakey, wakey !”

Her weight is no joke. She kept on rolling her back above me until she moved down and lay beside me.

“Mommy,‘’ she whispered to my ears and started wrapping her arms around my waist.

I tried not to laugh because she would feel it if I laugh. She hid her face in my tummy and keep moving it while calling me.

“Mommy . . . Mommy.”

She really wanted me to wake up. She was poking my back with her tiny hands. Until she moved up and cupped my face with both of her hands. This time, I acted even more because she was now staring at me.

“Mommy, itch my birthday, wakey ,” she whispered and gave me a peck on my cheeks. “ Chu-chu , Mommy.“

She continued kissing every part of my face. What she means by ‘chu-chuu’ is kiss-kiss, because that was what Rie teach her.

“Mommy?” This time she stopped when she noticed that my eyes were moving and this time, she tried to open them to see if I’m awake. She stopped and remain silent; she just stared at me the whole time, so I decided to wake up.

“Waah!” Ginulat ko siya kaya agad nanlaki ang mga mata niya at napalayo siya nang kaunti sa akin. I started laughing at her.

“You wakey! “ she said with her furrowed brows. I smiled at her before I kissed her forehead.

“Happy birthday, my Tabi,” I whispered and hugged her tight. She hugged me back before she moved away and point her finger at the closet. “Yeah, it’s your dress. Do you like it?”

I sat on the bed before I carried her, walked towards the dress, and touched it while she was looking at it. She wanted to touch it and feel its cloth, so I gave it to her. She giggled and looked at me.

“Do you want to wear it na?” I asked. She nodded and touched my face with her small palm. “Okay, let’s go,” I said.

“Go!” she cheered.

I took her for a bath and changed her pajamas with the cute dress I bought yesterday. Galing ito sa ukay-ukay. Although Lynus bought a lot of dresses for her, I still wanted to give this to her since I worked hard to buy this. And luckily, she likes it. Now she was standing in front of the mirror looking at herself while I started dressing up too and putting some makeup on.

We are celebrating two special moments today, that’s why I’m so thankful and blessed right now. I can’t express in words how happy I am right now. Tabitha is already 3 years old today and thanks to God she was always being guided by Him.

I just wore a white tent dress that length above my knees, while I made Tabi wear the same white tent kid dress that I bought. I tied her hair up just like I did to mine.

“Do you like it, Tabi?” I asked her while I held her hand. We both looked in the mirror; she looks like a small version of me but lovelier, since she got her father’s face.

She giggled and covered her mouth with her small hand. She’s happy. She looked at me, and we both smiled together.

“Let’s go?” I asked her. She nodded, that’s why I carried her. I can’t let her walk downstairs because she will get tired of walking since my Tabi has low stamina because of her anemia.

As we went down, I saw Erille was already wearing a white top and pants. She wore a fitted long-sleeve top to hide her tattoos since this event is very special to us.

“Morning Tabi. Does Tita Rie look beautiful?” she asked Tabi. Tabi smiled at her while biting her finger and nodded. “We both look beautiful na.” Rie took Tabi from me, then carried her outside the house.

Kinuha ko na ang mga kailangan kong dalhin, kasabay ang paglabas ni Six mula sa kuwarto niya. He was wearing a white hoodie paired with gray pants. He looks fresh and handsome.

“You look handsome as ever, Six,” I said. I was about to walk past him but he reached for my hand and made me face him. Suddenly, his face looked serious. Kunot-noo ko siyang tiningnan. “Are you okay?” I asked.

He didn’t answer, he just continued staring at me. I just waited for him to speak but he just sighed and urged a smile.

“Congratulation,” he said.

“Louen, nandito na si Lynu—”

Hindi natapos ni Rie ang sasabihin niya nang makita kaming dalawa ni Six. She looked at our hands before she urged a smile, then Lynus showed up behind her while carrying Tabi.

Six slowly let go of my hand before he walked towards the door where Lynus and Rie were standing.

“Tara, sa ’kin ka na sumabay.” Bigla niyang hinila palabas si Rie. “’Kita na lang tayo do’n,” he said.

“But we can just use my car, kasya naman tayo,” sambit ni Lynus.

Tiningnan siya ni Six. “No, I prefer riding my big bike,” he said and pulled Rie away.

What’s with him?

Napatingin ako kay Lynus nang mawala na sa paningin ko sina Rie at Six.

“I think your friend was not in a good mood,” Lynus said as he stepped inside the house and smiled at me.

“Mukha nga,” sagot ko.

“You and Tabi look so cute,” he said and fixed the strand of hair on my face and put it behind my ears. “You look so beautiful, I’m proud of you,” he whispered.

I smiled at him before I held his hand and say, “Thank you.”

“Let’s get going.” He looked at Tabi and kissed her cheeks. “Tabi will sit beside Dada Lynus?” he asked her.

Tabi cupped his face, giggled, and nodded. He smiled at her before he reached for my hand and brought us out to ride in his car.

---

Erille

“WHERE are we going, Tabi?” tanong ko kay Tabi habang nandito kami sa labas ng bahay. Kinuha ko siya kay El para maayos niya ang mga kailangan niyang dalhin para mamaya.

Ngumiti lang si Tabi sa akin habang pinapatawa ko siya. Maya-maya lang ay dumating na si Doctor Lynus. Agad siyang bumababa sa sasakyan.

“Dada!” sigaw ni Tabi nang makita niya si Doc Lynus. Iniangat niya ang dalawang kamay na para bang gusto niyang abutin si Doc Lynus, kaya mabilis na naglakad si Lynus papunta sa amin at agad kinuha si Tabi sa akin.

“How’s our Tabi?” tanong niya bago ito hinalikan sa pisngi. Pagkatapos n’on ay hinarap niya ako at saka tinanong. “Where’s Louen?”

“Ah, nasa loob. Wait, tawagin ko,” sambit ko at mabilis lumapit sa pinto.

“Louen, nandito na si Lynu—” Natigilan ako nang makitang hawak ni Six ang kamay ni Erille habang seryoso itong nakatingin dito. Nakaramdam ako ng takot sa dahilan na alam kong gusto nang umamin ni Six kay El. Umamin na kaya siya?

Sobrang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko, kumikirot ito sa bawat pagtibok kaya hindi ako agad nakapagsalita. Pero nang tingnan nila ako, pinilit kong itago ang aking nararamdaman.

Naramdaman kong nasa likuran ko na si Lynus kaya napatingin ako sa kanya bago ibinalik ang tingin sa kanilang dalawa. Dahan-dahang binitiwan ni Six ang kamay ni Louen bago tiningnan ito na puno ng emosyon at naglakad papalapit sa amin.

Hindi ko inalis ang aking tingin sa kanya habang papalapit siya sa akin. Nagulat ako nang hawakan niya ang kamay ko at hinila ako palabas ng pinto.

“’Kita na lang tayo do’n,” seryoso niyang sambit habang mahigpit ang pagkakahawak sa aking kamay.

“But we can just use my car, kasya naman tayo.”

Napatingin kami kay Lynus nang magsalita siya. Nakita ko ang pag-igting ng panga ni Six bago hinarap si Lynus.

“No, I prefer riding my big bike,” sagot niya. Napangiwi ako nang humigpit pa lalo ang pagkakahawak niya sa aking kamay bago ako hinila nang tuluyan.

“Aray!” singhal ko nang tumigil kami sa karap ng motor niya.

Hinila ko ang kamay ko mula sa kanya. Napatingin ako sa namumula kong kamay bago siya galit na hinarap at ipinakita ang ginawa niya.

“Tingnan mo ang ginawa mo!” sambit ko. Hindi niya ako pinapansin at tila malalim ang iniisip niya. “Hoy!” sigaw ko at itinulak ang kanyang balikat upang kunin ang kanyang atensiyon. Hinarap niya ako at tiningnan ang aking kamay.

“Hindi ko sinasadya,” mahina niyang sambit bago sumakay sa kanyang motor at isinuot ang kanyang helmet.

“Ano ba’ng problema mo?” tanong ko.

Hindi niya ako pinansin at inabot lang sa akin ang puting helmet niya.

“Umamin ka na ba?” tanong ko na nakapagpatigil sa kanya. Bumigat ang paghinga ko nang itanong ko iyon. Bakit ba gustong-gusto mong sinasaktan ang sarili mo, Erille?

“Hindi pa, mamaya na lang,” sambit niya.

Natigilan ako nang makita ang lungkot sa kanyang mga mata. Alam niyang talo siya kay Lynus pero gusto niya pa rind subukan. Ilang beses nang ipinakita ni Louen na kapatid lang ang turing niya kay Six pero tila nagbubulag-bulagan si Six.

Nakaramdam ako ng galit kay Six nang makitang nasasaktan na siya pero sige pa rin siya. Bigla na lang bumugso ang damdamin ko at hindi napigilang magsalita.

“Bakit kasi hindi ka na lang sumuko? Nakikita mo naman na kay Lynus masaya ang mag-ina, kapatid lang ang turing sa ’yo ni Louen!” singhal ko. Tiningnan niya ako. Mas lalo siyang nagpakita ng lungkot sa kanyang mga mata kaya nagpatuloy ako. “Isa pa, hindi ka magugustuhan ni Louen kaya gumising ka na!” Kinagat ko ang aking labi upang pigilan ang aking damdamin.

“Bakit? Ano ba’ng pangit sa akin na hindi niya magugustuhan?” seryoso niyang tanong at hinarap ako.

Natigilan ako at nakaramdam ng sakit sa aking dibdib. Bakit ba kasi pinipilit mo pa?! Nandito naman ako! Biglang pumasok sa isip ko ang oras na lagi akong nasa tabi niya pero panay pa rin ang lingon niya kay El.

“Pangit ang ugali mo. Gusto mo palagi kang nasusunod pero hindi ka marunong makinig sa sinasabi ng iba. Lagi mo lang iniisip ang nararamdaman mo, makasarili ka kasi! ’Pag gusto mo, gusto mo; hindi mo magawang ipasok sa kokote mo na hindi lahat, makukuha mo!” sambit ko habang hinahabol ko ang aking paghinga.

“Gano’n ba ’ko kasama? Kaya pala.”

Natigilan ako nang marinig ang nasasaktan niyang boses at nang tingnan ko siya, agad akong kinain ng konsensiya. Sumobra ako sa mga nasabi ko at hindi ko napigilan ang aking sarili.

“Sumakay ka na. Isuot mo ’to at baka maunahan pa tayo,” seryoso niyang sambit bago umiwas ng tingin.

Gusto kong sampalin ang aking sarili dahil sa kagagahan ko. Napaka-careless ko, hindi ko man lang inisip kung masasaktan siya. Gusto kong mag-sorry pero hindi ko magawa.

Sumakay ako sa likod ng motor at agad niyang pinaandar iyon. Sa buong biyahe, tila gusto kong maluha sa sobrang inis. Hindi na dapat ako nagsalita! Hindi ko dapat inisip ang nararamdaman ko.

Ako ang makasarili sa aming dalawa.

---

Louen

It just took us 15 minutes to arrive. Lynus carried Tabi and let me bring my things inside, like Tabitha’s Milk Bottle, wipes and other baby essentials. Naabutan namin sina Rie at Six sa tapat ng entrance habang magkalayo.

When I walked in front of them, Rie quickly helped me and smiled.

“I’m proud of you,” she said and pouted before shedding tears. I smiled at her, wiped her tears, and hugged her tight.

“I won’t be here without you. Thank you so much for your sacrifices,” I whispered.

“Naku, tama na nga ito, maiiyak ako lalo. Tara na sa loob,” she said and pulled me inside.

---

sobrang lakas ng palakpakan nang tawagin ang pangalan ko. I didn't imagine that all of my hard work will came up like this. I just want to graduate but didn't expect to graduate like this.

I wish my mom and dad could see this. I want them to see that I finished my goal as their daughter.

I stood up and walked towards Lynus’ seat before he hand me Tabitha.

“We’re proud of you,” he whispered. I smiled at him before I walked towards the stage, bringing my Tabi with me to receive my medal.

“Congratulations, Miss Del Mundo,” our dean said and let Tabi wear my medal. She giggled as our dean pinched her chubby cheeks. I chuckled with her before I face the crowd together with my Tabi.

Loud claps cheered for us. I saw how proud Rie, Six, and Lynus were while they were standing clapping their hands for me. I can’t help but imagine my parents standing there, smiling, and very proud of me. Tears fell from my eyes as I longed for my parents. Suddenly, Tabi started wiping my tears using her little hand.

“Mommy, wink, wink,” she uttered and winked her eyes multiple times which made me laugh.

We took a lot of pictures and after that, we went home and prepared for Tabi’s simple birthday celebration.

“I’ll just grab the strawberry cake from the bakeshop and back later,” Lynus said while I’m cooking spaghetti in the kitchen.

“Okay,” I said and nodded at him. He smiled before he stepped out of the house and leave.

I continued cooking. Rie helped me but she seems disoriented because she kept falling things.

“Are you okay, Rie?” I asked, but it looked like she didn’t hear it, so I moved closer to her. “Are you okay, Erille?” tanong ko uli, but she was spacing out too much, so I poke her with my finger, making her look at me. “Okay ka lang?” tanong ko uli nang tingnan niya na ako. Tumango siya nang dahan-dahan bago tumingin sa labas at hinarap ako.

“Gusto kang kausapin ni Six, puwede mo ba siyang puntahan?” mahina niyang sambit.

“Tungkol saan?” I asked. She just gulped and held my hands.

“Nasa kuwarto niya siya. Puntahan mo na siya, ako na ang bahala dito,” sambit niya at itinulak ako palabas ng kusina.

Tumuloy ako sa kuwarto ni Six gaya ng sinabi ni Rie at pagbukas ko ng pinto, naabutan kong naggigitara si Six.

“Six, Rie said you wanted to talk to me,” I said. He sat properly before he took a deep breath and stood up straight. “What is it? May problema ba sa inyo ni Eri—”

I was cut off when he spoke. “Louen, gusto kita. Gustong-gusto,” he said.

I was taken aback and tilted my head a bit.

“Gusto kita simula pa lang, Louen,” he repeated.

I let out a heavy sigh before I closed my eyes. “You know that I only see you as my brother, Six,” I whispered, but I know that he could hear me, I don’t want anyone to hear about this.

“Wala bang chance, Louen?” malungkot niyang sambit. I don’t want to hurt him, but also I don’t want to push myself on liking him. It either hurt him or hurt us.

“I’m sorry, Six,” I uttered before I opened my eyes and looked him in the eyes.

Tears started falling from his eyes. “I know that this will gonna happen but I still pushed it. I understand, Louen. Sinubukan ko lang kasi baka suwertehin din ako.” His voice was cracking as he said those words.

“I’m sorry, Six, I know you can find better than me,” I said and remembered how Erille stood for him all the time.

“But you are the definition of the word better,” he said and smiled at me.

“No, I’m not. Maybe you are just distracted by looking at me and didn’t have the chance to look at the other side, Six. Someone is loving you with all her heart,” I said with a smile on my face. He looks confused when I said that, that’s why I chuckled. “Eri—”

“Tabitha!” I heard Erille shout so loud.

“Sh*t!” Six cursed and quickly ran outside.

Fear was all over my body. I ran outside and saw my Tabi.

Chapter 19

MARKS

“TABITHA!” I saw her sitting outside together with Erille. Six quickly carried her, she had blood on her knees. “What happened?” I asked and checked her knees.

“Nadapa siya habang kinukuha ang eraser niya. Nakita ko na lang siyang nakaupo at may dugo sa tuhod kaya agad akong sumigaw,” Rie said while scratching her arms, and avoided making eye contact with Six.

“Hindi ka dapat basta-basta sumisigaw nang ganon Erille. Alam mo namang hindi biro ang gano’n pagdating kay Tabitha!” singhal ni Six kay Erille kaya natigilan kaming dalawa.

“Nag-alala lang ak—”

Hindi natapos ni Erille ang sasabihin nang magsalita muli si Six, “Kahit na!” Bakas sa mukha nito ang pag-aalala. Mahigpit ang pagkakayakap niya kay Tabitha.

Alam ko ang pinanggagalingan niya. Lahat kami ay nag-aalala kay Tabi pero hindi naman ’ata tama na pagtaasan niya ng boses si Erille.

“Sorry.” Umiwas ng tingin si Erille. Alam kong nasaktan siya sa sinabi ni Six. Nang subukan ko siyang hawakan ay siya namang pagdating ni Lynus. He stepped out of his car when he saw us outside.

“Why are you all outside?” Lynus asked.

“Dada boo-boo,” my Tabi said. Lynus tilted his head to check Tabi, and when he saw Tabi’s wound, he smiled and walked towards us.

“Let Doctor Dada fix Tabi’s boo-boo,” he gently said and was about to take Tabi from Six.

“Dadalhin siya sa hospital,” Six said. Kunot-noo ko siyang tiningnan. Nagsalita naman si Erille.

“Nand’yan na nga si Doc Lynus, bakit kailangan pang dalhin sa ospital si Tabi?” tanong niya.

“Baka mamaya magkakomplikasyon siya,” sagot ni Six. Napangiti si Lynus.

“I am her personal doctor, Six, if you’ll bring her to the hospital. I’m also the one who will check her, so why bother bringing her there? Just hand her to me.”

“Hindi ako sigurado kung totoo bang si Tabitha ang tinatrabaho mo dito o si Louen.” My eyes widened when Six said that.

“Napakaisip-bata mo, Six! Akin na nga si Tabitha!” sigaw si Erille na tila nagalit sa sinabi ni Six. Kinuha ni Rie si Tabi mula kay Six bago iniabot kay Doctor Lynus. “Sorry, Doc. ’Wag mo na lang pansinin,” she whispered while I stayed silent and watched how Six reacted. He hissed and looked at Erille before he walked straight to his big bike and left.

I saw how Rie sighed when she watched Six leave. Humarap siya sa amin at humingi ng tawad.

“Pasensiya na, gano’n talaga si Six. Tara, pasok na tayo sa loob,” malungkot niyang sambit bago naunang tumuloy sa loob ng bahay.

“Are you okay?” I glanced at Lynus when he suddenly asked me. I gave him a smile and held Tabi’s little hand.

“Yes, tara na sa loob, Doc. Pakigamot naman ang Tabi namin,” I said and cheered the atmosphere up.

Pagpasok namin sa loob, nagpatuloy sa pagluluto si Erille at ginamot ni Lynus ang sugat ni Tabitha. I just watched them the whole time. Kung ano-ano ang ikinukuwento ni Lynus kay Tabi upang hindi nito indahin ang kirot ng paglilinis sa sugat niya.

Lynus became my Tabi’s safe zone. He always makes her fearless when they were together. I know he was doing this because he loves Tabitha. I just can’t lose him, but also, I still can’t give him a chance because I’m still drowned by someone’s love.

I can still feel him like he was all over my body, running through my veins like he marked my whole body to remember him every time. I can’t bear looking at other men because I always end up submerged in his arms. Leusam, what did you do to me?

“Finish, yehey! Tabi is so strong like Wonderwoman!”

Bumalik ako sa aking sarili nang matapos gamutin ni Lynus ang sugat ni Tabi. Umupo siya sa harapan ko at kinandong si Tabi.

“Did something happen between the three of you? The house feels off,” he asked before glancing at Rie who was silently cooking in the kitchen.

“No, we’re fine. It’s just that this day doesn’t end up well, but we’re okay.” I hope we’re okay.

“Okay, if that’s what you say. By the way, what is your plan after this?” he asked. “If you want, I can help you look for a spot on a good company he—”

I cut him off and shook my head. “No. I want to find a job on my own. I don’t want you to waste your time on the things I can do,” I said. Sobra-sobra na ang naitulong niya sa akin, ayaw kong umasa na lang palagi sa kanya.

“When it comes to you, Louen, it wasn’t a waste of time; always remember that,” he seriously said and reached for my hand.

“I know, but can you just trust me on this? I can do this on my own,” I whispered, making him agree.

“Okay, if that’s what you want,” aniya bago hinawakan ang aking pisngi at dahan-dahan itong hinaplos. I don’t want to owe him twice. Once is enough because I know I can’t give him what he was longing for.

---

“HAPPY birthday, Tabi! Happy birthday, Tabi! Happy birthday, happy birthday . . . Happy birthday, Tabi!” the three of us sang together.

Tabi couldn’t hide her smile while we were singing. She excitedly blew out the candle and hugged me. This is her way of saying thank you. I smiled and wipe some icing on her cheeks, making her gasp and giggled.

“Mommy,” she uttered and wiped her cheeks on mine to transfer the icing on my face, but it just spread the icing even more.

We both laughed when we looked at each other. She opened all her gifts from us.

“Wow,” she whispered when she opened Six’s gift for her. Six gifted her a music box. Tabi loves listening to music. Then Erille gave her a set of painting materials since she was not into active sports.

“Now check mine, Tabi,” Lynus said and handed her a big box. As Tabi opened it, she raised her hands out of excitement when she saw a lot of coloring books inside. “Do you like it?” Ly asked her. Hindi na kailangang sumagot ni Tabi dahil bakas sa mukha niya ang saya nang makita ang lahat ng ito. Niyakap niya na lamang si Lynus bago tiningnan ang mga regalo sa kanya.

“El, para naman sa ’yo, galing sa aming dalawa ni Six.” Rie handed me something before she hugged me so tight. Binuksan ko ito. Gusto kong maluha nang makitang isa itong painted picture ko nang ipanganak ko si Tabi—when they put Tabi on my chest.

“Thank you so much,” I whispered.

“Now accept mine.”

Napalingon kami nang magsalita si Lynus at inabutan ako ng isang Prada paper bag. Dahan-dahan ko itong inabot at binuksan. I was taken aback when I saw that it was the same black brushed leather muller shoes that Leusam bought for me on our first night. It gave me goosebumps.

“T-Thank you, Lynus,” I uttered and quickly put it back.

We celebrated the whole day inside the house, and I must say that Tabi really enjoyed this day.

“Thank you sa pagpunta, Ly. Ingat ka sa pag-uwi,” I said when I walked him through the door. He faced me with a bright smile.

“No problem,” he whispered and suddenly kissed me on my forehead, then touched my face. “I’m proud of you, and I know your parents too.”

Nakaramdam muli ako ng lungkot nang maalala ko ang aking mga magulang.

“I hope so,” I whispered. He smiled at me before he moved away, kissed my hand without breaking our gaze, and walked to his car. He wave again, then drove his car home.

Hinawakan ko ang aking dibdib at sinubukang pakiramdaman kung may kakaiba akong nararamdaman para sa kanya pero wala; everything is normal.

Pumasok ako sa loob ng bahay at tumuloy sa aking silid kung saan tahimik nang natutulog si Tabi. Umupo ako sa tabi niya at pinagmasdan ang may sugat niyang tuhod.

I pursed my lips and gaze at the gift they gave us. Tumayo ako at nilapitan ang regalo ni Lynus at binuksan ito. Napabuntonghininga ako habang pinagmamasdan ito bago ko binuksan ang aparador sa kuwarto ko kung saan nakalagay ang isang kulay pulang box na naglalaman ng lahat ng galing sa kanya.

I didn’t sell anything that he bought for me, I just can’t. There is this something inside me that keeps wanting to remember my time with him. And with these things, it feels like yesterday.

Hinawakan ko ang ibinigay niyang sapatos at ang sapatos na ibinigay ni Lynus. While looking at Lynus gift, I just feel normal; but gazing at Leusam’s gift, my heart beats abnormally.

“Ano ’yan?” Nagulat ako nang pumasok si Rie sa kuwarto at tiningnan ang hawak kong sapatos. “Dalawa? Akin na lang ’yong isa,” she said and get Leusam’s shoes. Pero agad ko itong inagaw sa kanya na ikinagulat niya. “Akin na lang ’yong gamit, El, tutal dalawa naman ’yan,” she said, but I hugged Leusam’s shoes.

“Ito na na lang ’yong sa ’yo,” deretso kong sambit at ibinigay sa kanya ’yong bago.

“Seryoso ka?” hindi makapaniwala niyang sambit. Tumango ako nang walang pag-aalinlangan. “Sige, thank you,” she said and hugged me before she ran to her room.

I stared at the shoes and sighed. “Leusam.” I whispered his name. I know I’m longing for him, but I can’t. I just can’t.

---

“TATAWAGAN ka na lang namin if may slot na, Miss Del Mundo.” My smile slowly faded when the HR from the company I’m applying for said that.

“Okay po. Thank you so much,” I said and weakly walked out of the building. Panlimang building ko na ito pero wala pa rin tumatanggap sa aking kompanya. The companies are full of employees, that’s why they aren’t hiring.

Mag-iisang buwan na akong naghahanap ng trabaho. Malapit na ang blood transfusion ni Tabi pero wala pa rin akong trabaho.

Nanghihinang napaupo ako sa waiting shed at tila naubos na ang list ng kompanyang mapag-a-apply-an ko.

I need money for Tabi.

“Hirap na naman maghanap ng panibagong saleslady nito.”

Napalingon ako sa dalawang babaeng nakatayo sa gilid nang hindi sinasadyang marinig ko ang kanilang pinag-uusapan.

“Bakit kasi ayaw pa nilang maglagay ng for hiring poster? Kailangan tayo pa ang maghanap talaga! Saan naman tayo hahanap ng panibagong saleslad?,”

Agad akong tumayo at nagsalita. “Ako!” Kailangan ko na talaga ng trabaho ngayon.

Gulat silang napalingon sa akin nang makisingit ako sa usapan nila.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to listen to what you’re talking about, but I really need a job now. Can I apply?” I spoke.

“S-Sure” sagot ng isa na tila hindi sigurado, kaya iniabot ko sa kanila ang resumé ko.

“Here.”

They check it and read all of it. Gulat nila akong hinarap.

“ ?! Sigurado ka bang mag-a-apply ka bilang saleslady?!“

“Yes, I really need a job. Please.” I begged just to earn money for my Tabi.

“Sige, tara sumama ka sa amin.”

Sinundan ko sila hanggang sa makapunta kami sa isang cosmetic shop sa loob ng mall.

“Boss, may mag-a-apply bilang saleslady,” sambit ng isang kasama kong babae, kasabay ang paglabas ng isang matandang babae na puno ng alahas sa kanyang katawan. She looks like a terror teacher from elementary. Tumindig ako nang deretso nang tingnan niya ako mula ulo hanggang paa.

“Pasok ka na. Magsimula ka bukas,” she said and turned her back on me, then went inside her office. Hindi man lang ako nakapagsalita. Hindi makapaniwalang napatingin ako sa dalawang babaeng kasama ko kanina.

“That’s it?” I uttered.

“Pasok ka na daw, okay na ’yon. By the way, ako nga pala si Ace at ito naman si Lendy. Saleslady din kami dito,” sambit nila.

Tumango ako, hindi pa rin makapaniwalang may trabaho na ako.

“Ito ang uniform mo. Nagbubukas ang shop nang 10 kaya dapat 8:30 a.m., nandito ka na,” sambit ni Ace at iniabot sa akin ang kulay rose gold na uniform. “Demonyo ang boss natin kaya dapat aware ka. Sige na, kita na lang tayo bukas,” dagdag niya bago ako itinulak palabas ng shop.

“Pero hindi ko pa alam ang tungkol sa products dito,” bulong ko nang pagsarhan nila ako ng pinto. I sighed but smiled after. At least, I finally have a job and I can earn money to pay the blood transfusion of my Tabi.

---

KINABUKASAN ay inihanda ko ang pagkain ni Tabi at ibinilin kay Rie ang mga gamot na kailangang inumin ni Tabi.

“Okay, ako na ang bahala,” sambit ni Erille habang tinutulungan si Tabi na mag-painting.

I wore my shoes and glanced at her. “Wala ka pa rin bang balita kay Six?” tanong ko. Isang linggo nang hindi umuuwi si Six kaya alam kong nag-aalala na si Rie sa kanya.

“Wala, hayaan mo siya. Mamatay na siya,” singhal niya. Napailing na lang ako at hinalikan si Tabi.

“Baby Tabi, Mommy’s going to work,” I whispered. She smiled at me and gave me a thumbs-up. I pat her head and leave the house.

Pagpasok ko sa loob ng shop, lahat sila ay nandito na, kaya habang may extra time pa, tinuruan ako nina Ace at Lendy tungkol sa mga products at kung saan ako pupuwesto.

They assigned me to the lipstick section and told me everything I need to know before the opening. Madali lang naman sauluhin ang lahat ng color shades kaya agad ko ’yong naintindihan. Nang magbukas ang shop, napagsilbihan ko naman nang maayos ang mga customer.

I think this isn’t gonna be that hard . . .

---

Erille

“HMM . . . hmm . . .” I was humming a song while gently tapping Tabi’s cute butt as she fell asleep. I automatically stopped when the door opened and Six came home. Agad akong tumayo. “Six!”

Nilingon niya ako pero hindi siya nagsalita at tumuloy lang sa kanyang kuwarto. Tiningnan ko si Tabi bago sinundan si Six.

“Saan ka galing? Bakit isang linggo kang hindi umuwi?” tanong ko. Umupo siya sa kama niya bago hinilamos ang mukha gamit ang kanyang dalawang kamay. Malalim na buntonghininga ang kanyang pinakawalan bago ako hinarap.

“Lilipat ako sa apartment ni Jack,” sambit niya. Natigilan ako.

“Hindi iyon ang sagot sa tanong ko, Six,” mahina kong sambit.

Seryoso niya akong tiningnan. “Sa tingin mo ba kaya kong mag-stay dito pagkatapos akong mabasted ng babaeng gusto ko? Sa tingin mo ba madali ’yon, ah!” Tumaas ang boses niya nang sabihin niya iyon.

Kitang-kita ang lungkot at sakit sa kanyang mga mata. Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko at sobrang sikip ng dibdib ko.

“Sa tingin mo ba gugustuhin kong makita na mas may chance ’yong t*nginang Lynus na ’yon kaysa sa akin, ah?!” sigaw niya kasabay ng pagbato niya ng unan sa tabi ko.

“Kaya aalis ka kasi hindi mo kayang makita si Louen na may kasamang iba?” mahina kong tanong.

Tumayo siya at nagsimulang mag-impake. Hindi ko alam pero nahihirapan akong huminga habang pinanonood siya.

“Gano’n mo ba siya kamahal?” bulong ko.

Tumigil siya bago tumawa. “Oo, t*ngina,” sambit niya at nagpatuloy sa pag-aayos hanggang sa maimpake niya na ang lahat ng gamit niya.

Kinagat ko nang sobrang diin ang labi ko. Tumalikod ako bago hawakan nang mahigpit ang aking damit, pilit pinipigilan ang pagtulo ng luha sa aking mga mata.

“Sige, sabihin mo na lang kung aalis ka,” bulong ko bago bumalik sa tabi ni Tabi.

Pinunasan ko ang aking luha at hinintay na lumabas si Six sa kanyang silid. Hindi ko maintindihan ang aking nararamdaman, sobrang sikip ng dibdib ko.

Matapos ang ilang minuto, pinuntahan ako ni Six dala-dala ang mga gamit niya.

“H-Hindi ka man lang ba magpapaalam kay Louen?” tanong ko, hinahabol ang aking paghinga.

“Hindi na,” sambit niya at tuluyan nang umalis. Pinakinggan ko na lang ang pag-alis ng motor niya sa labas bago sumilip sa bintana. Tumulo ang luha ko.

“Bakit? Sa tingin mo ba madali lang din manatili sa tabi mo kahit sobrang sakit na?” bulong ko. “Hindi madali ’yon, Six.”

---

Louen

“LOUEN, dito na kami, ingat sa pag-uwi,” Lendy said as we separate ways. She and Ace will ride the Taxi while I will just walk dahil ayaw kong mabawasan ang pera ko sa pamasahe kung kaya ko naman lakarin pauwi.f

While walking, I can’t help thinking of Tabi’s blood transfusion this month. Walang buwan na hindi siya sinasalinan ng healthy na dugo. She always suffers in fear of needles. ’Buti na lang nakakausap siya ni Lynus at nawawala ang takot niya, pero natatakot naawa pa rin ako para sa anak ko. Going to the hospital monthly for blood transfusion makes her exhausted even if she hides it from me. I know she was tired of it.

If only she can pass her anemia to me, I would gladly accept it.

“Excuse me, lovely. Can I give you a ride?”

Nagulat ako nang biglang may nasalita sa tabi ko kung saan may nakatigil na sasakyan. He smiled at me.

“Lynus?!” He winked and opened the door for me. I smiled and enter his car. “Bakit nandito ka? Wala ka bang pasok?”

“Nope. Kakatapos lang ng ship ko kaya dinaanan na kita. It’s your first day, hindi ko dapat ma-miss ’yon,” he cheerfully said.

I just smiled at him. We continued talking about some things in my work, then as we arrived at the house, he decided not to go inside because he didn’t want to wake up Tabi.

“I’ll just visit her tomorrow,” he said. He leaned closer to me and kissed me on my cheeks. I didn’t move for a second because of what he did. He smiled at me, so I assumed that it was just a friendly kiss. “Good night, Louen. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I was left there dumbfounded and slowly touched my cheeks.

“Good night, Lynus,” I whispered.

I walked inside the house and saw Rie sleeping beside Tabi. She slowly woke up and when she saw me, she quickly sit on the bed.

“L-Louen, nand’yan ka na pala.” Her voice was cracking.

“Did you cry?” My brows furrowed when I noticed that her eyes were swollen. I sit beside her.

“Hindi, napuwing lang. Nga pala, lumipat na ng bahay si Six, kinuha niya na ang mga gamit niya kanina. Sige, mag-aayos na ’ko. May pasok pa ’ko, eh,” nagmamadali niyang sambit bago lumabas ng kuwarto.

I know something is wrong pero ayaw ko silang pangunahan.

I suddenly feel guilty because I know it was about me why Six left the house, but I can’t do anything about it anymore.

I lay beside my Tabi and fixed her blanket before touching her arms kung saan maraming marka ng injections. Lumapit ako sa kanya at niyakap siya. I feel pain seeing my daughter go through this situation.

“Mommy will do anything for you, Tabi.”

Chapter 20

Owned Hearts

IT’S been a month since I started working as a saleslady. Kontento naman ako sa ganitong trabaho dahil alam kong mahirap nang maghanap ng trabaho ngayon. Hindi ako puwedeng mawalan ng trabaho dahil may anak ako.

“Good morning, ma’am. Lipstick for you, ma’am. I suggest this shade, it’s the new relea—” I was cut off when she faced me.

“Alam ko ang bibilhin ko,” sambit ng customer kaya lumayo ako nang kaunti at saka ngumiti.

“Okay, ma’am,” I uttered and let her choose by herself.

She keeps on trying some lipstick; every shade and type, but she still didn’t choose.

“Ma’am, want me to help you po?” I asked.

Instead of letting me help her, she glared at me. Padabog niyang binitiwan ang lipstick na kanyang hawak bago pumunta sa powder and foundation section. I just pursed my lips. I think she was not in a good mood.

Babalik na sana ako sa puwesto ko nang mapansin kong palingon-lingon ’yong babae kanina. I slowly walked to the edge of lipstick section to look at her and watch what she was doing. She suspiciously walked to the palette section where no saleslady was standing and acted differently.

I kept on watching her until she grabbed a palette and quickly put it in her bag. My eyes widened. I instantly walked towards her and grabbed her wrist.

“Ma’am, I think you put something in your bag,” I uttered. She instantly looked at me.

“Ano’ng pinagsasasabi mo?!” galit niyang sambit at sinubukan tanggalin ang aking kamay sa pagkakahawak sa kanya.

“Ma’am, I saw you put a palette in your bag. Now please let me check your bag,” I said but she keeps moving.

“Louen, ano’ng nangyayari?”

Dumating si Ace na naka-assign sa section kung nasaan kami. She confusedly walked toward us and gave me those asking eyes.

“She put one palette in her bag,” I said.

“Hindi ko alam ang pinagsasabi mo. Ano ba, bitiwan mo ’ko!”

She started raising her voice while trying to secure her bag from us.

“Ma’am, please. Can we check your bag,” I said and didn’t let go of her.

“Sigurado ka ba, El?” tanong ni Ace. Lumapit na rin si Lendy sa amin.

“I’m sure of it. I saw her stealing one,” I said and tried to get her bag. But she moved aggressively and pushed me away, causing me to fall on the floor. “Ah!” inda ko nang tumama ang braso ko sa rack ng mga makeup.

“Louen!” sambit ni Ace at tinulungan akong tumayo.

“Wala akong ninanakaw, sinungaling ka!” the lady shouted.

Our boss stepped out of her office to check us up. “What’s happening here?” she asked us and looked at the lady who stole some palette. “What’s the problem here, ma’am?” she asked the lady nicely. The lady glared and pointed her finger at me.

“Itong walang-utak n’yong saleslady, pinagbibintangan akong magnanakaw!” she shouted again. Nagsimula nang manood ang mga tao sa shop dahil sa lakas ng boses niya.

“But it’s true, ma’am. I saw you ste—”

Hindi ko natapos ang sasabihin ko nang mahigpit na hinawakan ng boss namin ang kamay ko. It was a tight grip so I stopped and looked at her. She smiled at the lady.

“We’re so sorry for the trouble, ma’am. Please can we keep our voice low?” she said.

“Mga walang-utak ang mga saleslady n’yo dito! Hindi na ’ko pupunta uli dito!” sambit nito at biglang umalis.

“Ma’am, ’yong palette p—ah!” Natigilan ako nang hilahin ako ng boss namin when I tried to go after the lady to get the palette that she stole. “Ma’am,” I uttered when she glared at me and pulled me into her office.

Masakit ang uri ng pagkakahawak niya sa akin kaya ininda ko iyon nang kaunti habang hila-hila niya ako. Nang marating namin ang loob ng opisina niya ay pabalibag niya akong binitiwan.

“Tingnan mo ang ginawa mo. Bakit nambibintang ka ng customer?!” she shouted out of madness.

“Ma’am, because she really stole something. I saw it with my own eyes,” I said, but she just looked at me and hit the table.

“You are causing our shop some shame! At isa pa, hindi ba sinabi ko na doon sa lipstick section ang hawak mo? Bakit napunta ka sa palette section?” galit niyang sambit.

“Akala ko ba, magna cum laude ka? Bakit simpleng instruction, hindi mo maintindihan?! You have to focus on the section you are selling! Napakasimple, hindi mo magawa nang maayos!” she said and sat on her chair and didn’t stop glaring at me.

Hindi ako nakapagsalita dahil sa sinabi niya. Kumirot ang pasa ko sa aking braso at napansin ko rin ang pamumula ng kamay ko.

“Sorry, ma’am, but I’m telling the truth. Ma’am, kahit na tingnan pa natin sa CCTV ng sho—” I stopped talking when she hit her table so loud and threw her pen at me.

“Get out!” she shouted and continued throwing things on where I’m standing. “Get out!” she repeated, and at that time, a pen hit my legs.

Napaatras ako at mabilis na lumabas gaya ng sabi niya. Pagkalabas ko, sumalubong sa akin ang tingin nina Ace at Lendy.

“Ganyan ang ugali niyan,” bulong ni Ace pagdaan ko sa kanya. “Kaya walang tumatagal na saleslady dito, eh,” she added and went back to her section.

“Okay ka lang ba?” tanong ni Lendy sa akin. Tumango ako bilang sagot at bumalik sa lipstick section.

Pagtayo ko roon, napahawak ako sa braso ko at napapikit dahil sa sakit. Nagpatuloy ako sa trabaho na parang walang nangyari bago matapos ang araw.

“Gano’n talaga ugali n’on, Louen, kaya mag-ingat ka,” sambit ni Ace habang kinukuha namin ang aming mga gamit sa locker dito sa loob ng shop.

“’Wag kang basta-basta mambibintang ng customer, girl,” ani Lendy kaya agad ko siyang sinagot.

“Pero totoo ang nakita ko. Nagnakaw talaga ng babaeng ’yon ng palette!”

“Hayaan mo na, tapos na. Ang mabuti pa, umuwi na tayo at anong oras na, oh,” sambit ni Ace at sabay-sabay na kaming lumabas ng shop. “’Kita na lang tayo bukas Louen.”

Paglabas namin ng mall, lumiko na sila sa kabilang kalsada habang ako ay naglakad na pauwi ng bahay.

---

HAHAKBANG pa lang ako papasok ng bahay nang nagmamadaling tumayo si Erille habang isinusuot ang hikaw at dumeretso sa pinto.

“Rie,” I uttered.

“Tulog na si Tabi, papasok na ’ko. Nagmamadali ako. Maraming customer sa club, sayang ang kita,” she said and ran outside and rode a tricycle.

Napabuntonghininga ako, isinara ang pinto ng bahay, at tumuloy sa itaas kung saan natutulog si Tabi. She was sleeping while hugging my pillow. That made me smile and slowly lay down beside her.

Napapikit ako nang tumama ang pasa ko sa side table. Nang tingnan ko ito, hindi ko inaasahan na ganito pala kalaki ang pasa ko. Hindi maganda ang tama ko kanina sa rack kaya hindi na nakapagtataka na malala ang itsura ng pasa ko.

Kahit na masakit, mas pinili ko na lang pagmasdan ang anak ko habang mapayapa itong natutulog. Siya lang ang makapagpapawala ng lahat ng pagod at sakit ng katawan na mayroon ako.

“Daddy.”

Natigilan ako nang biglang nagsalita si Tabi habang natutulog. Did she just say Daddy? Is she dreaming about Lynus? But she never called him daddy, she calls him Dada.

I continued watching her. “D-Daddy,” she whispered before she moved closer and hugged me tight with my pillow between us.

“Daddy is far away from us, Tabi,” I whispered, then kiss her forehead before falling asleep with her.

And we’re not gonna see him again.

---

Leusam

“WELCOME back, Mr. Jimenez. I heard about the problem you’ve face. Ikaw ang nagsalba sa company ng mga Kline, kahanga-hanga.”

I smirked as we approached the entrance of the club.

“It was not easy. It took me a big amount of time to fix that deal, and also their company,” I uttered as I roamed my eyes around the place.

Where are you?

---

Louen

Two years later . . .

“ANO na naman ’yang pasa mo sa hita, Louen?! No’ng nakaraan sa baywang, ngayon sa braso!” nag-aalalang sambit ni Erille pag-uwi ko ng bahay galing sa trabaho. I was undressing inside my room while she was fixing her hair for work.

“Wala ito. Tumama uli ako sa rack sa shop dahil sa kakamadali,” sagot ko at nagpalit na ng pantulog. Hindi ko na sasabihin sa kanya na ’di sinasadyang natamaan ako ng upuan kanina sa shop no’ng nagwala na naman sa galit ang boss namin.

“Grabe naman ’yan! Araw-araw ka bang nagmamadali at araw-araw ka rin bang tanga para tumama at magkapasa lagi, Louen?!” sambit niya bago tumayo at tuluyan nang isinuot ang bag para pumasok. “Bukas na uli ang blood transfusion ni Tabi, uuwi ako nang maaga para maabutan ka ng pera,” sambit niya.

“Hindi na. May itinabi na ’ko para bukas kaya ’wag ka nang mag-alala, Rie. Pumasok ka na at mag-ingat,” aniko bago umupo sa tabi ni Tabitha habang nado-drawing siya sa kama.

“Sigurado ka?” seryoso niyang tanong habang deretsong nakatingin sa akin.

“Oo, ako na’ng bahala,” sambit ko bago ngumiti at inayos ang buhok ni Tabi.

“Sige, pasok na ’ko,” sagot niya at tumuloy na sa pinto.

“Rie, may balita ka na ba kay Six?” habol ko. Tumigil siya saglit bago ako nilingon.

“Sabi, nasa Manila, may jowang bago,” sagot niya at mabilis nang bumababa.

Dalawang taon nang hindi dumadalaw rito si Six. Simula nang umalis siya ay hindi na siya nagparamdam.

Naging mabilis ang lahat. Nagpatuloy ako sa trabaho habang si Rie naman ay mas lalong nagiging busy sa club. Simula no’ng umalis si Six, hindi na umingay ang bahay namin; tanging si Tabi na lang ang nagbibigay ng buhay sa tahanan na ito.

“What is that?” I asked Tabi while looking at her drawing.

“It’s me and Daddy, Mommy,” she whispered.

“Daddy? You mean Dada Lynus?” I asked, but she shook her head and looked at me.

“No, Mommy; my real daddy. He’s far, far away, but he’s here.” She pointed at her heart and smiled. Hindi ako nakapagsalita dahil sa sinabi niya at ngumiti na lang bago hinayaan siya uli na magpatuloy sa pagdo-drawing.

Since that night Tabi whispered “Daddy,” she started asking me about him. Lagi ko na lang sinasabi na nasa malayo ang daddy niya at hindi na namin ito makikita. She understood it very well but she keeps imagining and hoping for a complete family, but I know I can’t give her that. At isa pa, sigurado akong kasal na sa matino at mayamang babae ngayon ang ama niya, at pangako ko na hindi ko na siya guguluhin.

He will never know about our existence. Never.

“Tabi, are you finished na? You have to go to sleep because you have a blood transfusion tomorrow with Dada Lynus,” I said with a smile on my face. She glanced at me before starting to pack her art material in her bag and put it on the side of the bed then lay beside me.

“Mommy,” she called me and wrapped her arms around my waist.

“Yes, Tabi?”

“How many times does Dada Lynus need to change my blood?” she asked.

I took a deep breath. “Konti na lang, Tabi okay? Malapit nang matapos ang b-blood transfusion mo.” My voice almost cracked when I said that.

She giggled and hugged me tighter. “I can’t wait to finish changing my blood,” she whispered before she prayed and slept on my tummy.

Tiningnan ko siya at hinaplos ang kanyang buhok hanggang sa lumalim na ang kanyang pagtulog. Sobrang sikip sa dibdib pagmasdan ang anak mo na dumaan sa ganitong sitwasyon.

I know she’s strong and she can fight as long as she wants, but I’m weak. I’m always wrong, and my decision always leads us to problems.

“Sorry, Tabi,” I whispered.

---

KINABUKASAN, gumising ako nang maaga upang ihanda ang susuoting damit ni Tabi papunta ng ospital. Maaga rin akong nag-igib ng tubig sa ibaba dahil hindi makaakyat ang tubig dito sa itaas na banyo.

Matapos mag-igib, tuluyan na akong naligo at sakto naman nang matapos akong magbihis ay ang paggising ni Tabitha.

“Good morning, Tabi,” I said, carried her from the bed, and continue fixing our things.

I bathed her and tied her hair up and dressed her before we go to the hospital. Actually, Tabi wasn’t afraid of needles anymore. I’m the one who was always afraid of going to the hospital because I’m scared of bad results from her anemia.

“Dada!” Tabi shouted as we entered Lynus’ office in the hospital. His office was filled with kids’ toys because he’s a pediatrician. Tabi spread her arms and does a close-open on her palm when she saw Lynus.

“Tabi.” Lynus instantly stood up from his chair. I noticed that he purposely moved close to me while getting Tabi from me. He stared at me like he always does before he smiled and brought Tabi into the transfusion room.

“Ready na ba ang Tabi ko?” tanong niya habang inaayos nilang dalawa ng nurse ang kailangan nila para sa blood transfusion. Tabi did an okay sign on and winked at Lynus. The nurse chuckled at her and handed the needle to Lynus.

“Wow, my Tabi is ready,” Lynus cheered her. Tabi reached for my hand and held it so tight then smiled at me. She was looking at me and not at the needle.

“Okay, let’s go,” Lynus uttered and started the transfusion process.

Tabi bit her lower lip with her cute little teeth and smiled at me. I know she’s hurt, but instead of showing that she was in pain, she started making funny faces with me. I did the same and we continued exchanging funny faces until the process was finished.

Lynus put a pink Band-Aid on her arms and carried her to her seat. “Sobrang strong talaga ng Tabi namin,” he said and kissed Tabi’s cheeks.

Tabi giggled at him and they just talked and talked until Lynus finished writing Tabi’s record and faced me.

“She’s doing well, Louen,” he said.

Doon lang ako nakahinga nang maluwag. Thank God.

“Ahm, Louen, you don’t need to pay the bi—”

I cut him off. “Magbabayad ako, Ly,” deretso kong sambit. Agad akong tumayo at tumuloy sa lobby kung saan nagbayad ako para sa blood transfusion.

Sobrang hiyang-hiya na ako kay Lynus kaya hindi na ako papayag na siya pa ang gagastos sa transfusion ni Tabi. Kaya ko naman bayaran ito. Pumunta ako sa office ni Lynus para kunin sana si Tabi nang maabutan kong nakahubad na ang lab gown niya at tila aalis siya.

“Let’s have some lunch together,” he said. He reached for my hand while carrying Tabitha and lead us out of the hospital. Sumakay kami ng sasakyan niya at dinala niya kami sa isang mamahaling restaurant.

“Lynus, puwede naman kaming umuwi na lang at doon na mananghaliaan, bakit dinala mo pa kami dito?” He was busy fixing Tabi on the high chair when I said that. He urged a smile and glanced at me.

“I wanna have some date with you,” he said, “and Tabi,” pahabol niya nang makitang hindi ako umimik sa una niyang sinabi.

“Maghati tayo sa bayad,” sambit ko.

“No, this is my treat,” aniya at hindi na ako pinansin at basta na lang um-order ng mamahaling pagkain para sa aming lahat. Wala akong nagawa kundi manahimik na lang at panoorin siyang kausapin si Tabi.

I feed Tabi while she continued talking to Lynus about some stuff.

“Really? You drew something yesterday? Can Dada see it?”

Tumango si Tabi at tila excited ipakita kay Lynus ang kanyang drinowing. Kinuha ni Tabitha ang drawing notebook sa maliit niyang bag at ipinakita kay Lynus ang drawing niya.

“Dada, meet my daddy. He’s far, far away. Mommy said we won’t see him again, but I know my daddy is handsome like this,” she confidently said.

Mabilis akong tiningnan ni Lynus. Dahil doon, umiwas ako ng tingin at nagpatuloy na sa pagkain.

“Wow! Really? How ’bout me? Is Dada also handsome?” he playfully asked Tabi.

“Yes! Dada is a handsome doctor,” Tabi said.

“Tabitha,” sambit ko at sinubuan siya ng kanin. Pagkatapos n’on ay sumubo naman ako ng pagkain.

“Do you want me to be your daddy?”

Mabilis akong nasamid dahil sa sinabi ni Lynus. Agad kong inabot ang tubig at ininom ito.

Tiningnan nila akong dalawa nang matapos akong uminom. Tabi reached for my hand and gave me those ‘Are-you-okay-Mommy’ look. I smiled at her to show her that I’m fine and gazed at Lynus. He was seriously staring at me.

“Ahm, no. You’re my dada, not my daddy,” cute na sambit ni Tabi at nginitian si Lynus. Lynus tapped her head and chuckled.

“Don’t ask her that question, Ly,” I said and continued eating, trying to ignore what he said.

After eating, hindi ko napigilan si Lynus na bilhan ng mga pagkain si Tabitha at kung ano-ano pa, dahil agad niyang sinabi na ginagawa niya ito para kay Tabi. That has a double meaning for me, but I can’t argue with it.

Inihatid na kami ni Lynus sa bahay.

“Tata!” Tabi shouted when we opened the door.

Agad tumayo si Rie at kinuha si Tabitha mula kay Lynus. “Hello, Tabi chu-chu!” Dinala niya ito sa dating kuwarto ni Six na ginawa na rin niyang kuwarto.

“Lynus, hindi mo naman kailangan bilhan si Tabitha ng mga ganito,” buntonghininga kong sambit.

“Let me do this, Louen. And isa pa, I want to be close to her. I love Tabitha and I love you,” he seriously said, reached for my hand, and gently caressed it.

“Lynus, alam mong hindi pa ako handa sa ganitong bagay,” mahina kong sambit bago binawi ang aking kamay mula sa kanya.

“I know, but I’m willing to wait even if it takes a decade.” Hinawakan niya ang baba ko upang hulihin ang aking tingin. He always looks sincere to me, and I’m afraid I can’t give the same stare at him.

“Hindi ako para sa—”

“Louen, you are always worth the wait, so don’t give me those excuses that you are not for me because I know you are. Don’t look down on yourself when in fact you are stronger than you know, that’s why I will wait for you,” he kissed my forehead, “no matter what,” he whispered before he stepped backward and walked towards his car.

I sighed and slowly closed the door. Pagpasok ko sa kuwarto ni Rie ay agad kong nakitang nakaidlip na si Tabi sa balikat niya.

“Tulog na agad,” sambit ko nang may ngiti sa aking mga labi. Hinaplos ni Rie ang Band-Aid sa braso ni Tabi bago ako tiningnan.

“Knock down ang bata, mukhang nag-enjoy kasama ang dada niya,” sambit niya.

Umupo ako sa kama katapat niya at muling nagbuntonghininga.

“Narinig ko ’yon, ah. Bakit kasi ayaw mong pagbigyan si Doc?” malumanay niyang tanong bago inihiga nang dahan-dahan si Tabi sa kama at tinabihan ako. “Mahal mo tatay nito, ’no?” tanong niya na tila parang sigurado siya sa magiging sagot ko.

“Hindi,” bulong ko.

“Sus, hindi. Kung hindi, bakit dumaan na si Six at Lynus sa ’yo pero wala ka pa ring binibigyan ng chance sa kanila?”

“H-Hindi pa ako handa sa pag-ibig, Erille,” mahina kong sambit at pinaglaruan ang aking daliri.

“Hindi handa o may hinihintay?”

“Alam mo namang hindi kami puwede, Rie,” sambit ko.

“Eh ’di lumabas din ang totoo na hinihintay mo ang tatay ni Tabitha.”

Hindi ako nakaimik sa sinabi niya at yumuko na lang.

“Sa tingin mo ba hinahanap ka n’on? Stripper ka lang na binayaran niya noon, sa tingin mo ba may chance kayo?” tanong niya na nagbigay-kirot sa aking puso.

“Wala akong oras para isipin siya at ang pag-ibig, Rie. Kailangan kong kumita at magtrabaho para kay Tabitha dahil siya ang kailangan kong unahin sa lahat,” sambit ko bago tumayo at binuhat si Tabitha.

“Paano ’pag dumating ang araw na hanapin ni Tabitha ang tatay niya?” I stopped when Rie asked that.

“Hindi niya hahanapin ang tatay niya, Rie, dahil nandito ako para sa kanya,” sagot ko at tuluyan nang pumunta sa kuwarto namin.

---

KINABUKASAN ay tumuloy muli ako sa trabaho. ’Buti na lang umalis si Boss kaya naging maayos ang takbo ng araw ko hanggang sa umuwi na ako ng bahay at naabutan si Rie na nagluluto sa kusina.

“Tabi,” tawag ko sa anak ko nang makita ko siyang nagdo-drawing sa sala.

“Mommy!” She waved at me.

I walked toward the kitchen and asked Rie. “You’re not going to work?”

“Off ko ngayong gabi,” sagot niya. Sumandal ako sa sink ng lababo at pinanood siyang magluto.

“Hindi mo ba nami-miss si Six?” tanong ko. Pero imbes na sagutin ang tanong ko ay sinagot niya rin ako ng tanong.

“Ano’ng balak mo sa birthday ni Tabitha? Next week na ’yon,” sambit niya at isinalin ang iniluto niyang adobo sa plato.

“May ipon na ’ko at susuweldo naman ako sa Sabado kaya sakto sa birthday niya ng Linggo, makakapaghanda tayo,” sagot ko at saka ngumiti.

“Sige, ako na’ng bahala sa cake,” Rie said.

“Inimbitahan ko si Six, okay lang ba sa ’yo?” tanong ko. Inilagay niya ang pagkain sa lamesa at kunot-noo akong tiningnan.

“Bakit mo naman ako tinatanong kung okay lang sa ’kin, eh ’di ba kayo ang may something?” deretso niyang sagot.

“Ikaw naman ang may gusto sa kanya,” balik ko, kaya tumawa siya.

“Hindi na,” sagot niya.

But I know she still does love him. She will always be Six’s girl.

Six owns Erille’s heart

Chapter 21

WOUNDS

ERILLE

“SINO’NG may birthday bukas?” tanong ko habang sinusubuan si Tabitha ng lugaw. Malamig kasi ang panahon kaya mas masarap kumain ng mainit na lugaw.

“Me!” sagot ni Tabitha habang patuloy pa rin sa pagdo-drawing. Ngumiti naman ako at inayos ang buhok niya habang patuloy siyang ngumunguya.

Napalingon ako sa hagdan nang bumaba si Louen habang inaayos ang kanyang uniform. “Papasok na ako,” sambit niya bago hinalikan sa pisngi si Tabitha at kinuha ang baon na iniluto ko para sa tanghalian niya mamaya.

“Mag-ingat ka, ah. ’Pag umuwi ka mamaya, ’wag ka na maglakad, sumakay ka na!”

Hinalikan niya muli si Tabi bago tumango at tumakbo palabas ng bahay.

“Ano’ng gusto mong handa bukas, Tabi?” tanong ko at sinubuan siya uli.

“Fried chicken!” she said and spread her arms widely.

“Ganyan kalaking fried chicken ang gusto ng Tabi namin? Wow!” nanlalaki ang mga mata kong sambit upang mapatawa siya.

She giggled and nodded as an answer.

“Sige, magluluto ako ng malaking fried chicken bukas para kay Tabi namin,” masigla kong sambit at ipinagpatuloy ang pagpapakain sa kanya.

Pagkatapos kumain ay naglinis ako ng bahay habang tahimik na nagko-color si Tabitha sa coloring pad niya. Hindi malikot na bata si Tabi dahil hindi siya puwedeng mapagod. Isa rin siyang matalinong bata na mas gusto ang mental kaysa sa physical activities na karaniwang ginagawa ng mga kabataan sa kasalukuyan.

Habang nagma-mop ako ng sahig, naisipan kong magpatugtog. Agad akong tiningnan ni Tabi nang marinig niya ang kanta. I smiled at her and she did the same thing.

I used the remote as my microphone and started singing together with Tabitha. We always sing this song together.

“You’re on the phone with your girlfriend, she’s upset. She’s going off about something that you said. ’Cause she doesn’t get your humor as I do.” We both sing the intro even though hindi ko maintindihan ang lyrics ni Tabitha dahil bulol pa siya.

Kinuha ni Tabitha ang pencil case niya at ginaya ako sa pagkanta. Tumayo siya sa kama.

“Don’t dance or jump,” paalala ko at nagpatuloy na sa pagkanta. Sinasabayan niya ako. Halos masaulo niya na ito dahil lagi namin itong kinakanta.

“But she wears short skirts, I wear T-shirts. She’s cheer captain, and I’m on the bleachers, dreaming about the day when you wake up and find that what you’re looking for has been here the whole time.” I started dancing and kept pointing at her while she just kept singing and smiling at me.

Lumapit ako sa mop at ito ang ginawa kong mic na lalong nagpatawa kay Tabitha. I started dancing weird steps in front of her and felt the music.

“If you could see that I’m the one who understands you’ve been here all along, so why can’t you see? You belong with me.”

Sobrang nag-e-enjoy kami sa pagkanta nang biglang bumukas ang pinto at lumitaw ang lalaking hindi ko nasilayan nang dalawang taon.

“You belong with me,” I whispered.

“Toto!” sigaw ni Tabitha at agad tumakbo kay Six.

“Tabi!” saway ko nang bigla siyang tumakbo. Hindi siya puwedeng tumakbo na lang basta-basta.

Binuhat siya ni Six at agad hinalikan sa pisngi. Pinatay ko ang tugtog bago siya hinarap.

“Six, napadalaw ka,” sambit ko.

Nakangiti siyang tumingin sa akin. “Bakit? Bawal na ba ’kong dumalaw dito at makita ang mahal kong Tabitha?” sambit niya.

Nakasuot siya ng denim pants, kulay itim na round neck T-shirt, at saka Vans na sapatos na lalong nagpakita ng tangkad at haba ng hita niya. Umikli ang buhok niya at nakaayos ito pataas kaya mas lalong kitang-kita ang mukha niya.

Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko sa kanya. Biglaan ang pagdating niya at hindi ko ito naisip. Ano’ng sasabihin ko? Ang awkward . . .

“S-Saan ang girlfriend mo?” tanong ko at tiningnan ang kanyang likuran, iniisip na may lilitaw na magandang babae.

Teka, ano ba, Erille? Eh, ano naman kung kasama niya ang girlfriend niya? Malamang kasama niya ’to! ’Di ba naka-move on ka na’t wala ka nang nararamdaman para sa kanya? Kaibigan mo na lang siya ngayon. Tama!

Ngumiti siya nang may pag-aalangan. “Nag-break na kami. Nagloko, eh,” sagot niya na tila wala lang sa kanya na nagloko ang girlfriend niya.

Naglakad siya papalapit sa sofa at ibinaba si Tabi. Pinanood ko siyang lumabas at may kinuha siyang dalawang paper bag na puno ng pagkain mula sa kanyang motor. Parang nabingi ako at tanging tunog lang ng susi niya sa kanyang pantalon ang aking naririnig.

“Bumili ako ng groceries para maraming pagkain si Tabitha,” sambit niya at saka tumuloy sa kusina.

Lumapit ako sa kusina at pinanood lang siya. Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko sa kanya.

“Bakit ang tahimik mo? Hindi mo ba ’ko mumurahin?” nakangiti niyang sambit.

“G-Gag*,” bulong ko.

Mas lalo siyang natawa at tiningnan ako. “Kumusta ka na? ’Buti buhay ka pa,” sambit niya.

Napasimangot ako at binato siya ng isang pack ng pancit canton. “Ikaw, kailan ka mamamatay?!” singhal ko at tinalikuran siya.

Tama, parang wala lang nangyari, Erille. Gano’n lang.

---

LOUEN

I WALKED inside the shop and headed straight to the locker room. Ganado akong magtrabaho sa araw na ito dahil mamayang hapon ibibigay ang suweldo namin.

Bukas na ang birthday ni Tabitha and she was already turning five years old. Parang kailan lang ay baby lang siya, but now she was totally growing.

“Louen, mukhang good mood tayo ngayon, ah. Ang ganda mo lalo tingnan tuloy,” sambit ni Ace nang dumaan ako sa section niya.

“Naku, Ace, wala akong pera, ’di bebenta sa ’kin ’yang bola mo ngayon,” sambit ko bago tumuloy sa aking stall at nagsimulang magtrabaho nang may ngiti sa aking mga labi.

I started my day very well. Medyo marami rin akong naibebentang lipstick kaya sobrang saya ko. Natapos ang oras ng trabaho nang may ngiti pa rin ako sa aking mga labi. While packing our things, Boss stepped outside of her office with our salary in her hands. I automatically smiled when I thought of Tabi’s birthday tomorrow.

Boss stood in front of us. Ace poke my waist as she excitedly smiled at me.

“Here is your salary,” she said and started handing us our salary.

“Thank you, boss,” sabay naming sambit pero sinungitan niya lang kami at bumalik na siya sa kanyang opisina.

“Sungit talaga ni Tanda,” bulong ni Lendy sa akin bago kami sabay-sabay na lumabas ng shop.

“Birthday ng anak ko bukas. ’Pag hindi kayo busy, punta kayo,” sambit ko habang naglalakad kami palabas ng mall.

“’Uy sige ba. Anong oras ba?” tanong ni Ace habang nakahawak sa braso ni Lendy.

“Mga hapon,” sagot ko.

“Sureness! Gora kami d’yan,” sambit ni Lendy bago sila lumiko at magpaalam sa akin.

Nagsimula na akong maglakad pauwi dahil ayaw kong bawasan ang pera ko para bukas. Habang nasa kalsada, tiningnan ko ang suweldo ko at binilang. Bibili na ako ng mga rekado bago ako umuwi para sa mga lulutuin ko kinabukasan.

“2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10,” bulong ko at mabilis itong tinago sa loob ng bag ko. Tinapik ko ito bago huminga nang malalim at nagpatuloy na sa paglalakad. Napangiti ako nang pumasok sa isipan ko ang nakangiting mukha ng anak ko. “Matutuwa si Tabitha sa magiging sorpre—” Hindi ko natapos ang pagbibilang ko nang biglang may humablot ng bag ko. Mabilis ko itong pinigilan at pilit hinawakan nang mahigpit ang aking bag. Riding-in-tandem sila, naka-mask at naka-helmet kaya hindi ko sila makilala.

“Bitiwan mo na, miss!” galit na sigaw sa akin ng isa sa kanila nang pilit kong hinila ang bag ko mula sa kanila.

“Tulong! Magnanakaw! Tulong!” malakas kong sigaw pero nasa parte kami ng kalsada na wala masyadong tao at medyo madilim kaya hindi kami mapapansin. “Please, ’wag po! Tulong!” Halos mapaupo na ako sa kalsada habang pilit hinihila ang bag ko.

“Bitiw sabi, eh!” sambit ng isa bago biglang pinaandar ang kanilang motor, dahilan upang makaladkad ako hanggang sa tuluyan ko nang mabitiwan ang aking bag.

Mabilis silang nakalayo, at kahit sinubukan kong tumayo at habulin sila ay hindi ko na sila naabutan pa. Parang bulang nawala sa akin ang lahat.

Sobrang sakit ng katawan ko. Naghihina akong napaupo sa gitna ng madilim na kalsada at natulala na lang sa nangyari. Tanging ang cell phone ko na lang ang meron ako sapagkat nakalagay ito sa aking bulsa. Dahan-dahan ko itong kinuha nang marinig kong may tumatawag.

I bit my lower lip and and gripped on the brim of my shirt. I looked at my broken phone, basag ang malaking part ng screen nito dahil sa pagkakakaladkad ko. Gusto kong umiyak pero hindi ko magawa.

Sinagot ko ang tawag ni Erille at tiningnan ang malaki kong sugat sa hita at tuhod mula sa butas kong pantalon.

“Nasaan ka na? Gising pa si Tabi dahil may buwisita ka—”

“Toto!” narinig kong sigaw ni Tabitha mula sa kabilang linya. Agad kong nalaman na si Six ang tinutukoy ni Erille.

“A-Ahm, Rie, patulugin mo na si Tabi, medyo male-late ako nang kaunti,” bulong ko.

“Huh? Bakit? Nasaan ka na ba ngayon? Sa shop pa rin? Gusto mo, ipasundo na kita kay Six? Delikado pa naman sa kalsada ngayon. Kagabi nga, may dalawang babaeng ninakawan at binangga ng riding-in-tandem.”

I smiled bitterly because it just happened to me.

“Hindi na. Uuwi na rin naman ako. Sige, bye,” mahina kong sambit at pinatay na ang tawag bago pa niya mahalata na hindi ako okay.

Napapikit ako nang makaramdam ako ng matinding kirot. Tumutulo pa ang dugo mula sa mga sugat ko.

Dahan-dahan akong tumayo at nagsimulang maglakad pauwi. Inabot ako nang ilang oras bago makarating sa harap ng bahay. Nakita ko ang motor ni Six. Pinili ko munang pumunta sa gilid ng bahay at doon umupo hanggang sa bumukas ang pinto. I saw Six and Erille arguing and pissing off each other’s asses again, just like they usually did back then.

“Mamaya pa ’ata uuwi si Louen. Hindi mo ba siya hihintayin, gag*?” tanong ni Rie kay Six.

“Bukas na lang siguro. Pupunta naman ako sa birthday ni Tabitha kaya sarapan mo ang luto mo. Baka lagyan mo ng lason o gayuma ’yon, ah,” pang-aasar ni Six kay Rie. Hinampas naman ni Rie ang braso ni Six.

“Bakit ko naman gagawin ’yon, tanga?! Kung gusto kitang patayin, sasaksakin kita ngayon din; hindi na ako magpapakahirap na lagyan pa ng kung ano ang kakainin mo bukas, gag*!” singhal ni Rie at tinalikuran si Six.

“Mamaya gayumahin mo ’ko dahil crush mo ’ko,” malokong sambit ni Six habang sumasakay sa kanyang motor at isinusuot ang kanyang helmet.

“Kapal mo! Ako, magkakagusto sa ’yo? Mukha ka ngang ingrown ni Justin Bieber!” tugon ni Rie.

“Tanga! Mas guwapo ako do’n,” sagot ni Six bago tuluyang umalis.

Tumayo na ako at dahan-dahang naglakad papalapit kay Rie at agad siyang niyakap.

“Ay palaka! Louen!” gulat niyang sambit at tiningnan ang buo kong katawan. “ Jusko! Ano’ng nangyari sa ’yo?“

Inalalayan niya ako at agad kaming pumasok sa loob ng bahay. Pabagsak akong umupo ng sofa at pumikit habang iniinda ang lahat ng kirot ng mga sugat ko.

Tumakbo si Rie at kinuha ang first aid kit namin. Lumapit siya sa akin at nanginginig na tiningnan ang itsura ko.

“Ano ba kasi’ng nangyari?” ninenerbiyos niyang sambit habang nililinisan ang aking sugat.

Hindi ko siya magawang sagutin dahil sobrang makirot ang mga sugat ko. Hinintay ko siyang matapos na gamutin ako.

“Sandali, kukuha ako ng pamalit mo,” sambit niya at saka tumakbo sa itaas upang kumuha ng shorts at sando para sa akin. Nagbihis ako sa harapan niya pagkatapos. “Sabihin mo sa ’kin, ano’ng nangyari, El?” seryoso niyang sambit.

Marahan niyang hinawakan ang magkabila kong kamay. I just hugged her so tight and closed my eyes, praying and hoping that this was just a bad dream.

“El naman, magsalita ka. Nadisgrasya ka ba?” umiiyak na tanong ni Rie sa akin.

Huminga ako nang malalim at nanatiling nakapikit sa kanyang balikat bago nagsalita. “Ninakawan ako, wala na ako ni katiting na pera. Sinubukan ko namang pigilan pero nakamotor sila kaya nakaladkad ako.” I bitterly smiled and laughed in pain. Gusto kong umiyak pero walang lumalabas na luha sa aking mga mata. “Ano na lang ang sasabihin ko kay Tabi bukas?” I whispered and felt the heavy pain in my chest.

Hindi nagsalita si Rie, mas pinili niyang yakapin na lang ako at umiyak para sa akin.

Mas lalo akong nakaramdam ng paninikip ng dibdib. Nangako ako kay Tabi na maghahanda at magse-celebrate siya kinabukasan, pero sa pagkakataong ito, ni katiting na pera ay wala na ako.

Nanatili lang kami sa ganoong posisyon nang ilang minuto bago siya humiwalay upang tingnan ako. Pinunasan niya ang kanyang luha bago nagsalita. “Magpahinga ka muna ngayon.” Bakas sa mukha niya ang awa at lungkot.

Tumango ako at paika-ikang naglakad paakyat ng kuwarto at humiga sa tabi ng anak ko. I weakly hugged her until I fell asleep.

---

“LOUEN anak.”

What’s that? I could hear my mom’s voice.

I slowly opened my eyes and saw my mom. I was lying my head on her lap while she was tenderly caressing my hair and smiling brightly at me.

“Mom?” I uttered.

“What happened to you?” she asked and touched my wounds.

It stabbed my heart to let her see how miserable I was at that time. I started crying and wrapped my arms around her waist and hid my face in her tummy like I always did when I was young.

“I’m a failure, Mom,” I whispered. She chuckled and tapped my head so gently.

“No, you’re not. You are strong, and your daughter needs you,” she said.

I glanced at her until she smiled and leaned down to kiss my forehead.

---

“LOUEN, gising na, tanghali na.”

Nagising ako nang marinig ko ang boses ni Rie. Nang imulat ko ang aking mga mata, natigilan ako nang makitang wala na si Tabi sa kama. Agad akong napaupo at hinanap siya.

“Si Tabitha?” tanong ko. Napalingon ako sa sa orasan. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang makitang ala-una na ng hapon. Gano’n ba ’ko katagal natulog?

“Nasa baba na, kasama si Six at ang mga bisita.”

Bisita?

“Ipinaghanda ko pa rin si Tabitha. Mahapdi pa rin ba ang mga sugat mo?” tanong niya. Hindi ako nakapagsalita at niyakap siya nang sobrang higpit.

“Salamat. Maraming salamat, Rie,” bulong ko. Kahit na hindi ko nagawa ang ipinangako ko kay Tabitha, nand’yan si Rie para tuparin iyon.

“Wala ’to, ano ka ba! Magbihis ka na nga’t maiiyak na naman ako dahil sa ’yo, eh,” she said and handed me a dress.

“Nagtanong ba si Tabi tungkol sa mga sugat ko?” tanong ko sa kanya. Dahan-dahan akong tumayo mula sa kama.

“Nagtanong siya. Ang sagot ko, nadapa ka kagabi kaya ganyan. Sabi niya, mag-iingat daw dapat pati matatanda,” natatawang sambit ni Rie. Tumayo siya at naglakad papalapit sa pinto. I smiled and went inside the bathroom to clean myself and my wounds.

Dahil long-sleeved maxi dress ang suot ko, hindi halata na may sugat ako, kaya kampante akong bumaba at umaktong hindi kumikirot ang mga sugat ko.

“Six!” masigla kong sambit nang makita ko si Six na buhat-buhat si Tabitha.

“Landi.”

Napalingon ako sa tabi ko nang bumulong si Rie, halatang tinutukoy si Six na papalapit sa amin. Tumuloy sa kusina si Rie pagkalapit sa amin ni Six.

“Louen.” Six called my name with a genuine smile.

“Naka-move on ka na ba?” I joked that made him laugh. He nodded and let me get Tabi from him. Binuhat ko si Tabitha, hinalikan, at niyakap nang mahigpit. “Happy birthday, my Tabi. Mommy loves you so much,” I whispered.

“Mommy, I know,” she answered, then we both giggled. “Can I go there?” She pointed outside where the kids were seated at the door staircase.

“Be careful, okay?” paalala ko bago siya tumango. Tuluyan ko siyang ibinaba at pinanood maglakad palabas ng bahay bago ko hinarap muli si Six.

“Kumusta?” tanong ko bago kami tumuloy sa kusina kung saan busy na nagluluto si Rie.

“Okay naman. I started as a permanent DJ in a famous bar in Manila. Medyo malaki ang kitaan kaya nakabili ako ng condo unit mula sa sarili kong pera,” he said.

“Wow! Congrats.” I felt proud of him, and I knew someone who was prouder and happier for him. “Rie, did you hear that?” tanong ko nang may ngiti sa mga labi.

“Huh? Sorry, bingi ako pagdating sa mayabang na tao,” pilosopong sagot ni Rie na agad nilabanan ni Six.

“Inggit ka lang ’ka mo.”

“Ako? Maiinggit sa ’yo? Asa ka, gag*. Mas gugustuhin kong manirahan nang may kasama sa apartment kaysa mag-isa sa condo!” singhal ni Rie.

“Ang tanong: Mag-isa nga ba ’ko sa condo?” malokong sagot ni Six na ikinatigil ni Rie. Nakita ko ang pagdaan ng sakit sa kanyang mga mata bago muling nagsalita.

“Magka-HIV ka sana, gag*!” ani Rie at nagpatuloy na sa pagluluto.

Nagpatuloy ang kuwentuhan namin ni Six tungkol sa nangyari sa kanya sa loob ng dalawang taon at hindi natigil ang away nilang dalawa ni Rie.

“Mommy.”

Napalingon kami nang tawagin ako ni Tabi. Nasa gilid niya si Lynus na kararating lang. Kasabay niya sina Ace at Lendy na kumaway agad sa akin. Ngumiti ako sa kanila bago ibinalik ang aking atensiyon sa aking anak.

Lumapit sa akin si Lynus. “Louen . . .”

Pero imbes na pansinin ko si Lynus ay mas napansin kong pawisan si Tabi. Agad akong nagtanong at dahan-dahang lumapit sa kanya.

“Tabitha, nakipaghabulan ka ba sa labas?” Namumutla ang mga labi niya. Biglang bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko dahil sa takot.

Tiningnan namin siyang lahat bago siya ngumiti at dahan-dahang nawalan ng malay.

“Tabitha!”

Chapter 22

DOWN

“TUBIG, El!” I glanced at Rie as she tapped my back and handed me a bottle of water. She urged a smile and tried to lighten the mood.

Nasa loob pa rin ng isang private room ng ospital si Tabitha kasama si Lynus. Hindi ko magawang lunukin nang maayos ang tubig na iniinom ko dahil patuloy pa rin ang pagtibok nang mabilis ng puso ko. Natatakot ako at naiinis dahil pinabayaan ko si Tabitha. Hindi ko na sana siya pinayagang lumabas.

“Umupo ka nga!”

Napalingon ako kay Six nang bigla niyang hilahin paupo sa gitna namin si Erille.

“Aray!” singhal ni Rie sa kanya bago ako hinarap at hinawakan ang aking mga kamay. Nanatili kaming tahimik hanggang sa lumabas si Lynus mula sa silid ni Tabi.

“Kumusta si Tabitha?” tanong ko at agad siyang nilapitan.

“She’s fine now. It’s normal she runs along with kids outside, so it’s normal to expect that she’ll faint,” he said as he gently put his hands on my shoulders and gave me an assuring gaze.

I nodded at him and mouthed ‘thank you’ before we entered Tabi’s room. Umupo ako sa tabi niya at hinawakan ang kanyang maliit na kamay. I slowly rubbed her hair up.

“Tinakot mo na naman si Mommy.”

“Louen, uuwi ako sa bahay para ikuha ng pamalit si Tabitha ngayong gabi, saglit lang ako,” sambit ni Rie. I nodded and continued staring at my daughter.

“Samahan na kita,” I heard Six say.

“Hindi na, kaya ko naman,” sagot naman ni Rie.

“Samahan na kita, dami mong satsat,” sambit ni Six at hinila na palabas si Rie kaya naiwan kami ni Lynus.

Tabi was sleeping peacefully but her face looked so pale.

“I hate seeing you in this place, Tabi. If only Mommy can make the pain go away, I will do it,” I whispered, leaning my head through the side of the bed.

“You know you can’t do that—no one can do that, Louen,” Lynus said as he sat beside me and stared at my daughter.

Tiningnan ko siya na puno ng panghihina at dahan-dahang sumandal sa kanyang balikat.

“You can take her home tomorrow, so take a rest,” he whispered, the last words I heard before I fell asleep.

---

NAALIMPUNGATAN ako nang may naramdaman akong kumiliti sa aking palad. I slowly opened my eyes and saw Tabi giggling.

“Tabi,” I uttered and sat properly. She covered her face and giggled so loud. Napatingin ako sa paligid at nakita sina Rie at Six na nag-aayos ng pagkain sa lamesa habang si Lynus naman ay tinitingnan si Tabitha na patuloy pa rin sa pagtawa.

“Are you okay? Do you feel tired? Do you want water? Is there something ouchie ?” agad kong tanong kay Tabitha pero tila wala itong inintindi sa sinasabi ko at panay pa rin ang pagtawa.

Lynus smiled because of her. “She’s absolutely fine now. Right, Tabi?” he asked her. Tabi nodded while still covering her face from me.

“Why are you covering your face from Mommy?” I asked, reaching for her wrist and trying to see her face.

When I successfully removed her small hands on her face, lahat kami ay natigilan bago nagtawanan nang makitang may drawing siya ng mustache sa kanyang mukha.

“I’m strong, Mommy. I have a mustache,” she said which made us laugh once more.

After that, I fed Tabi until she finished a whole bowl of porridge. Hindi naman niya kailangan ma-confine nang matagal dito sa ospital sabi ni Lynus. Kaya naman makalipas ang ilang minuto ay nagpa-discharge na kami. Hindi nga lang kami naihatid ni Lynus dahil may pasyente siya sa ospital.

---

“AALIS na ako. Babalik na lang ako bukas ng hapon bago ako bumiyahe pabalik ng Manila,” sambit ni Six.

Agad akong napalingon kay Rie na nakatayo sa tapat ng ref. I saw her nod at Six.

“’Wag ka sanang mamatay ka sana,” sambit niya bago tumuloy sa itaas.

“’Pag namatay ako, iiyak ka!” singhal ni Six. I chuckled and looked at him.

“Ingat ka,” sambit ko. He smiled at me before he stepped out of the house.

“Mommy.”

Hinarap ko si Tabitha nang tawagin niya ako. Kandong ko siya kaya mabilis niyang naabot ang magkabila kong pisngi gamit ang dalawa niyang maliliit na kamay.

“Yes po?” I asked.

“Don’t be scared, okay? When I’m ouchie , don’t be scared because I’m strong,” she mumbled and put her forehead into mine and kissed the tip of my nose. “Tabi is strong like Mommy.”

Pero lalo lang akong nanghina sa kanyang sinabi at tuluyang napaluha. Niyakap ko siya nang sobrang higpit.

“Mommy won’t be strong if she doesn’t have a strong Tabitha on her side,” I whispered while sobbing. Humagikgik siya at muli akong hinarap. Inayos ng maliit niyang kamay ang aking buhok bago nag-okay sign at saka kumindat.

“We are strong. No ouchie , no!” She cheered me up and jumped into me for another hug. I smiled and went upstairs. We both lay down on the bed as she continued looking at me and touching my face.

“Tabitha will grow old like Mommy. And I will find Daddy.”

I stopped. My heart started pounding.

“T-Tabi, Daddy is far, far away; you can’t see him,” I uttered.

Imbes na malungkot, mas ngumiti pa siya sa akin at saka pinisil muli ang aking pisngi. “You don’t want me to find Daddy, Mommy?” she asked.

“Yes, because if you’ll find him, you’ll be far from Mommy.” Sumisikip ang aking dibdib habang sinasagot ang tanong niya. I knew that someday she would leave me as I did to my parents. Karma would always come after me.

“Okay. I will bring Mommy, we will find Daddy!” pursigido niyang sabi.

“No, Tabi. We ca—”

She cut me off using her pointing finger. “Sshh, Mommy,” she said, closed her eyes, and started praying. “Dear Lord, please take the ouchie away from me and give Daddy back to us. Amen,” bulong niya bago lumapit sa akin at saka sumiksik. Niyakap niya ako nang mahigpit bago siya tuluyang makatulog nang mahimbing.

“Please, Lord. Don’t let our path meet again,” I whispered and sleep.

---

KINABUKASAN ay nagising ako sa malakas na tawa ni Tabi mula sa ibaba, kaya mabilis akong bumaba at naabutan si Six na tinuturuan si Tabi na maglaro ng music sa mixer niya habang naghahanda naman ng almusal si Erille.

“Tara na, kain na,” sambit ni Erille sabay ngiti sa akin. Umupo ako at pinanood si Tabitha na tila tuwang-tuwa sa ginagawa nila ni Six. “Parang walang nangyari kay Tabitha, oh,” ani Rie at saka umupo sa aking tabi.

Tumango ako bilang sagot at saka nagtimpla ng kape. Napalingon ako kay Rie nang tumunog ang phone niya. Kinuha niya ito mula sa kanyang bulsa at agad sinagot.

“Hello? Mamu?” sagot niya. Napansin ko ang pagkunot ng noo niya. “Huh?! Bakit?!” Bakas ang gulat sa mukha ni Rie, napatayo pa siya. “Oo, pupunta ’ko d’yan.” She ended the call and faced me. “Pinasasara daw ’yong club dahil sa isang kliyente. Kailangan ako ni Mamu doon.”

Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya. “Puntahan mo na si Mamu,” sambit ko.

“Pero pa’no kayo ni Tabi?” Naghahalo ang pag-aalala at pangamba sa kanyang mukha.

“Nandito naman si Lynus kaya okay lang kami ni Tabitha. Sumabay ka na kay Six papunta sa Manila, kailangan ka ni Ma’am Cherille ngayon,” tugon ko.

Tinulungan kong mag-empake ng ilang gamit si Erille matapos naming mag-almusal. Nagdalawang-isip pa siya habang inihahatid namin sila ni Tabi sa pinto.

“Ano ka ba, okay lang kami dito ni Tabitha. ’Di ba, Tabi?”

Tabi showed her okay sign and winked at Rie.

“Babalik agad si Tata ’pag naayos niya na ang problema sa Manila at bibilhan ko ng maraming candy si Tabi namin, okay?” she said and hugged the both of us.

“’Wag kang mag-alala. ’Wag mo kaming masyadong isipin, okay lang kami dito, kaya alis na, dali!” sambit ko at itinulak na siya palabas. Pinanood namin silang magsuot ng helmet at sumakay sa motor ni Six.

“Bye-bye!” Tabi shouted. I smiled and closed the door.

“It’s you and me for now, Tabi,” I said.

---

“I’M going to work tomorrow. Do you want to stay at Corrie’s house?” I asked Tabi. Corrie was her new playmate who was living near our house.

Tabi quickly nodded. “But you have to promise me that you are not going to play physical games with her. Just drawing and singing,” I said.

She rose her hand like making a promise. “Promise, Mommy, I won’t do that,” she said.

Ngumiti ako at kiniliti siya. “That’s my girl.”

She laughed, but we automatically stopped when someone knocked on the door. I stood up and put Tabi down on the sofa. I opened the door and saw Lynus with a bright smile on his face.

“Dinner?” he said before raising both of his arms with take-out food from KFC.

“Pasok,” sambit ko. Pagpasok niya sa bahay, tinulungan ko siyang ayusin ang mga pagkain sa lamesa. “Wala kang duty ngayon?” tanong ko.

“I won’t be having my duty for two months,” he answered.

I gazed at him with furrowed brows. “Bakit?” Pero imbes na sagutin ako ay tinawag niya si Tabitha at nagsimula na kaming kumain. “Bakit hindi ka papasok nang two months?” ulit ko.

Sinubuan niya si Tabi bago ako tiningnan at saka ngumiti. His smile was different. Hindi siya ganito ngumiti. May problema ba?

“My grandmother is dying from breast cancer and they want me to take care of her.”

My lips parted and instantly felt his pain. “I’m sorry,” I whispered and held his hand. I know how much Lynus loves his grandmother. She was also close to our family and I met her a few times. She’s a sweet and kind lady. “Kailan ka aalis?” tanong ko.

Sinubuan niya muli si Tabi bago ako sinagot. “Tomorrow at 4 a.m. That’s why I spend my dinner here because I would miss this cute little kid,” he said and pinched Tabi’s chubby cheeks.

“Mag-iingat ka, and I hope the best for your grandmother,” I uttered. He held my hand too and caressed it, then we resumed eating.

Tabi seemed to understand that Lynus wasn’t in a good mood so she kept making him laugh. Our whole dinner was filled with laughter because of her. I think she learned her humor from Erille.

“I’ll go now. I still need to pack some of my things,” Lynus said after our dinner. “By the way, where’s Erille and Six?” he asked.

“Pumunta saglit ng Manila pero babalik din sila bukas,” pagsisinungaling ko, dahil alam kong mag-aalala si Lynus ’pag nalaman niyang aalis siya nang wala kaming kasama.

“Okay. I already talked to Doc Fhara about Tabi’s condition. She will be the one who will take care of Tabi while I’m away,” he said. We stopped in front of the door and hugged each other.

“Mag-ingat ka sa biyahe,” I whispered.

“I’ll be back after all of this,” he gently said and cupped my face. He touched it so gently before he slowly moved closer and kissed me on my lips. I didn’t stop him because something told me to accept it for once. He moved away slowly before he gave me his loving gaze and stepped out of the house. I watched him drive his way home and closed the door after.

I touched my lips and realized that it already took me five years to be kissed again. Is it time to open my heart to him?

Hinawakan ko ang aking dibdib at pinakiramdaman ang aking puso bago huminga nang malalim.

---

SA pagkakataong ito, nagsimula ang panibagong routine namin ni Tabi. Maaga akong nagigising upang ipagluto ng pagkain ang anak ko. When she had already woken up, I would take her for a warm bath, feed her breakfast, and walk her to Cleo’s house. Cleo is Corrie’s mom na laging kalaro ni Tabi.

“Pasensiya na talaga, Cleo, ah. Nagising ko ba kayo?” tanong ko nang pupungas-pungas pa niya kaming pinagbuksan ng pinto.

“Naku, okay lang; masaya naman si Corrie na nandito si Tabi. Sige na, mali-late ka na. Mag-ingat ka,” she said.

I knelt and kissed Tabi on her forehead before they went inside the house.

Simula nang umalis sina Erille at Six pati na rin si Lynus, mas lalo akong naging independent at kinailangan kong gawin ang lahat nang mag-isa. Hindi pa rin kasi naaayos ang problema sa club at si Lynus naman ay hindi pa rin nakatatanggap ng magandang result para sa lola niya.

I stepped inside the shop and started working. Pinag-igihan ko ang pagtitinda, umaasang mas lumaki ang suweldo ko dahil medyo kinakapos kami ni Tabi nang sobra ngayong kaming dalawa lang. Madalas kasi na si Erille ang sumasagot ng bayarin sa koryente at tubig namin. Sa pagkakataong ito na nasa Manila siya ay ayaw ko namang umasa pa rin sa kanya kung kaya’t ako na rin ang nagbabayad ng mga ito. Mas tumataas na rin ang presyo ng mga gamot na iniinom ni Tabitha.

Habang nakaupo sa stall, napansin kong tila iba ang mood ng boss namin pero hindi ko na lang ito inisip.

Habang naghihintay kami ng suweldo, natigilan kami nang biglang may dumating na mga pulis sa loob ng shop at deretsong pumasok sa opisina ng boss namin. Lahat kami ay nagulat at napatayo. Hinuli ng mga pulis ang boss namin nang hindi namin alam ang dahilan. Tinanong ni Ace ang isang police at sinabi na droga daw ang dahilan kaya malamang na isasara din ang shop.

at walang pera akong naglakad pauwi ng bahay. Hindi ko inasahan na mangyayari ang gano’n sa amin. Wala na rin akong trabaho sa pagkakataong ito.

Wala sa sarili akong kumatok kina Cleo at kinuha si Tabi.

“Mommy!” salubong ni Tabi nang makita niya ako. Tumakbo siya papalapit sa akin at niyakap ako nang mahigpit. Gano’n din ang ginawa ko sa kanya dahil kailangan ko ng lakas sa mga oras na ito.

“Salamat, Cleo,” sambit ko bago buhatin si Tabi papunta sa bahay.

Nagsaing ako ng kanin. Tiningnan ko ang ref pero lalo akong nanghina nang makitang wala na itong laman. Naisip ko kaagad na kapag bumili ako ng ulam sa labasan, hindi na magkakasya ang pera ko para sa blood transfusion ni Tabi this month.

Naghanda na lang ako ng nabili kong patatas at broccoli sa palengke at ginawa itong mashed potato with broccoli para kay Tabi. Huminga ako nang malalim at kumuha naman ng toyo at kanin para sa akin. Wala sa sariling inihain ko ang pagkain namin at tinawag si Tabi.

“Tabi.”

Lumapit siya sa akin. “Wow,” she whispered and still look amazed by our food kahit na may mga mas masarap pa siyang natitikman kaysa rito.

Sinubuan ko siya. Hindi ko maiwasang mainis sa aking sarili dahil alam kong mas deserve ni Tabitha ang mas masarap na pagkain pero hindi ko ito maibigay sa kanya. Pasensya na, anak ko, dahil kailangan ni Mommy na magtipid.

Habang sinusubuan siya, kumain na rin ako ng kanin na may toyo. Tumingin ako sa paligid bago tiningnan si Tabitha na nakangiti habang ngumunguya ng broccoli.

Sinubukan ko ang lahat ng makakaya ko para pigilang lumuha at ipakita sa kanya na okay lang ako hanggang sa tuluyan kaming matapos kumain. Agad siyang nakatulog pagkatapos.

Lumapit ako sa kanya pero natigilan ako nang mawalan kami ng koryente. Pinutulan na siguro kami dahil hindi pa ako nakabayad ng bill. Sa araw na ito dapat ako magbabayad pagkakuha ko ng suweldo ko pero ganito ang nangyari.

Binuhat ko na paakyat si Tabi at saka nagsindi ng kandila sa aking kuwarto. Tinabihan ko siya sa kama hanggang sa dalawin ako ng antok.

---

“EL.”

“Leusam?”

“I want you.”

“You’re mine.

“Love me.”

I opened my eyes as I continuously heard his voice in my sleep. Dahan-dahan akong bumangon mula sa pagkakahiga bago hinawi ang aking buhok at minasahe ang aking ulo.

Ilang mabibigat na paghinga ang aking pinakawalan. Why am I dreaming and hearing him at this time? Why do I still remember how his voice sounds?

Maingat akong tumayo mula sa kama at inabot ang aking maliit na alkansiya. Kinuha ko rin ang kandilang nakasindi sa lamesa rito sa aking silid bago umupo sa sahig sa gilid ng kama. Binuksan ko ang alkansiya at sinimulang ilabas ang inipon kong pera.

I couldn’t see the money very clearly because there was no light around me; I was only relying on the candle beside me.

“One hundred, two hundred, three hundred, four hundred, five hundred, six hundred, seven hundred fifty-five,” I whispered while counting it all. Hindi ko naiwasang panghinaan ng loob habang nakikita sa aking palad ang natitirang pera para sa amin.

Sumisikip ang dibdib ko habang pinagmamasdan ito, napaiisip kung paano pa ako kikita ng pera at paano ito pagkakasyahin sa pangangailangan namin.

Sobrang bigat ng aking nararamdaman at tila hindi ko na alam ang gagawin sa puntong ito. Hirap na rin ako pero hindi ako puwedeng sumuko lalo na’t kailangan niya ako.

I looked at Tabi sleeping so soundly, wishing that while she was asleep, she wouldn’t feel any pain. I reached for her hand and softly caressed it. Parang may kung anong tumusok sa aking puso habang patuloy siyang pinagmamasdan. Ayaw kong mahirapan siya pero heto ako, nanghihina at hindi na alam ang gagawin.

Pinunasan ko ang luhang tumakas sa aking mga mata bago huminga nang malalim at saka tumayo. I let go of her hand and decided to drink water downstairs.

My whole body was aching, my system was giving up, my mind was breaking down, and I didn’t know what to do anymore.

Kumuha ako ng maligamgam na tubig sa kusina bago ito ininom at pinunasan ang aking mga mata. Hindi ko kailangan umiyak sa panahong ito.

“Hindi ito ang oras para panghinaan ka ng loob, Louen,” I whispered to myself, shook my head, and tried breathing out.

Sinusubukan kong buhayin ang aking sarili, kalimutan ang problema ko, at isiping malalagpasan din namin ito. Pero sa bawat paghinga ko ay lalo lang lumalala ang nararamdaman ko. Napaluhod ako sa sahig dahil sa panghihina, pilit pinipigilan ang aking mga luha.

“Ahh!”

Agad kong iminulat ang aking mga mata nang marinig ko ang malakas na sigaw mula sa itaas. Mabilis na kinain ng kaba ang aking buong katawan dahil sa sigaw na iyon.

Tumakbo ako nang mabilis. Bawat hakbang ko ay parang sobrang layo ng aking pupuntahan at tila ang tagal ko bago makarating doon. Bawat tibok ng aking puso ay katumbas ng nakamamatay na sakit.

“Tabi!” sambit ko nang makita ko ang aking anak na namimilipit sa sakit.

Chapter 23

BACK

“TABI!” Agad akong lumapit sa anak ko at inusisa ang kanyang lagay.

“Ahh!” Sigaw siya nang sigaw habang pilit hinahawakan ang kanyang ulo. My body weakened as I saw her suffering in pain.

“Tabi!” I uttered and quickly carried her. Kahit na nanghihina at nanginginig ay pilit ko siyang binuhat at niyakap nang sobrang higpit. “Nandito si Mommy,” I whispered and went downstairs while carrying her.

Kahit na magkandamali-mali ako ng tapak sa hagdan ay hindi ko na inisip iyon. Mabilis ko siyang inilabas sa aming bahay at agad akong tumawag ng taxi.

“ Ouchie , Mommy! Ahh!“ She’s crying and begging, calling me. I kissed her forehead and tried not to break down and be strong for her.

“The ouchie will be gone, just bear with me, baby, p-please.” My voice cracked because of this pain in my chest. Seeing my daughter suffering like this made me want to die. If only I could get the discomfort, I would do it.

“ Ouchie , Mommy. Ah, ouchie , Mommy, ouchie! “

Hindi ko na alam ang sasabihin ko sa kanya dahil alam kong sobrang nasasaktan siya sa pagkakataong ito at doble ang sakit n’on para sa akin. I just hugged her so tight and kissed her head while she was yelling.

“Malapit na tayo, baby. Manong, pakibilisan po, please lang,” I weakly begged while holding my daughter in my arms.

“ Ouchie! “ Tabi started hitting her head, thinking that it could ease the pain.

I stopped her and hold her wrist. “Stop, baby, please don’t hurt yourself. Malapit na tayo, please, no,” sambit ko, pilit ginagawa ang lahat upang hawakan siya at yakapin dahil wala akong ibang magawa para mawala ang sakit na nararamdaman niya.

Nakarating kami sa ospital at agad siyang dinala sa emergency room.

“Mommy, hanggang dito na lang po kayo.” The nurse stopped me when I tried to go inside with them.

“Mommy, ouchie! “ sigaw ni Tabi at tuluyan na nilang isinara ang pinto.

Sa pagsara ng pinto ay ang pagbagsak ko sa sahig. Nanghina nang tuluyan ang aking mga tuhod. My hands were trembling in fear, and my mind and soul were begging for my daughter’s safety. I prayed and kissed my hands as I kept begging. Nagmakaawa akong tanggalin na ang nararamdaman niyang sakit, na ’wag na siyang pahirapan pa.

“Please, spare my daughter,” I whispered. Nanginginig kong kinuha ang aking cell phone at tinawagan si Rie.

“Hello?”

“R-Rie.”

“Louen, bakit?”

“Si T-Tabi, kailangan kita dito, natatakot ako,” nanginginig kong sambit, pilit pinipigilan ang luha na tumulo mula sa aking mga mata.

“Sige, hintayin mo ’ko!” she said and ended the call.

Ako naman ay inip na inip na naghintay sa paglabas ng doktor ni Tabitha. Habang tumatagal ay parang mas bumabagal ang oras. Mabuti na nga lang at makalipas ang ilang minuto ay hinarap na ako ng doktor.

Pagkatapos ay sinabi rin nito sa akin ang mga prosesong dapat gawin kay Tabi, isa na roon ay ang tuloy-tuloy pa rin na pagsasalin ng dugo. Pero sa kasamaang-palad daw ay kulang ang suplay nila.

Napasinghap ako nang marinig ko lahat iyon. Napakabata pa ng anak ko para mapunta sa sitwasyong ganito.

“I’ll call Lynus about this. He’s the one who’s in charge of her conditio—”

Hindi ko na pinatapos ang doktor at mahigpit na hinawakan ang kanyang mga kamay na tila ikinagulat niya.

“Please don’t tell this to him. ’Wag mong sabihin, parang awa mo na,” I begged because I didn’t want to bother Lynus. His grandmother needed him, and I wanted him to focus on taking care of her.

“Why not?” she said with a confused expression all over her face.

“His grandmother needs him right now,” I uttered.

“But . . . Doctor Herrera is your daughter’s doctor, he also needs to know this.”

“He’s been helping us since the very start, at ito na lang ang maisusukli ko sa kanya—ang huwag muna siyang guluhin. Please, parang awa mo na, ’wag mo na lang sabihin kay Lynus ito. Please, Doc, please,” pagmamakaawa ko.

She sighed. The nurse will call you when Tabi is already in her room,“ she said then left.

---

Maya-maya ay pumasok ang isang nurse at lumapit para tingnan si Tabitha.

“How’s my daughter, miss?” I asked her.

“Ayon kay Doktora, ’yong deformed red blood cells ng anak n’yo, nag-block at nag-jam up, at nag-stick sa walls ng blood vessel niya paakyat sa utak. ’Yong clamps na iyon ang dahilan kung bakit tumigil ang tamang pagdaloy ang oxygen sa utak niya kaya nagkaroon siya ng stroke.”

I was taken aback. My brain can’t even process what she said.

“Stroke?” I asked. But she’s too young to have a stroke.

“Doctora did a brain scan a while ago and that showed a result of a mild stroke kaya gano’n na lang ang reaksiyon ng anak n’yo. May matinding pagkirot siyang naramdaman sa kanyang ulo kaya siya sumisigaw. Dahil sa clamps, nahihirapan ang katawan niya na mag-provide ng oxygen sa utak niya kaya nag-trigger ito ng mild stroke.”

I slowly covered my mouth. My whole body feels weak.

“She needs more blood, ma’am, and I’m afraid we won’t be able to sustain what her body needs right now. Nauubusan na rin po kami ng supply ng dugo dito,” the nurse said while she was checking my daughter’s situation. She left after.

Hinawakan ko ang kamay ni Tabi at saka yumuko. I don’t know what to do anymore. Nahihirapan na nang sobra si Tabi. Ayaw kong masaktan at mahirapan siya.

---

SA pagkakataong ito ay nasa kuwarto na ako ni Tabi at nakayuko sa gilid ng kama niya. Ilang sandali pa, narinig kong bumukas ang pinto. I saw Rie and Six enter the room.

I stood up and hugged Erille so tight. I was scared—I didn’t know what to do anymore, and that was why I was thankful that she was here now.

Rie hugged me back. “Ano’ng nangyari?”

“Mild stroke,” I answered, causing her to move an inch away and look at me with disbelief and confusion.

“Si Tabitha?” tanong naman ni Six, halatang hindi makapaniwala. I felt the same way, but that’s the reality. My poor Tabitha had a stroke at this young age.

Tumango ako bilang sagot sa kanya.

“Bakit hindi pa siya salinan ngayon?” tanong ni Rie pagkatapos hawakan ang magkabila kong braso.

“Wala nang supply ang ospital para sa kalagayan ni Tabi,” I said.

“Sh*t!” singhal ni Six at nanghihinang napaupo. Inalalayan ako ni Rie bago siya umupo sa tabi ko.

“Louen, ano’ng plano mo?” Hinimas ni Rie ang aking likod, at gaya ko, bakas sa mukha niya ang takot sa maaaring mangyari kay Tabi.

“Kailangan ko ng pera, kailangan kong dalhin sa Manila si Tabi, kailangan niyang masalinan ng panibagong dugo, kailangan niya ng siguradong supply para sa blood transfusion niya. Kailangan ko lahat ng iyon, Rie.” Halos mawalan ako ng boses nang sabihin ko iyon dahil sa paghabol ko ng aking paghinga.

“Kahit ano’ng maging desisyon mo, nandito lang ako para kay Tabi—nandito tayo para kay Tabi—kaya ’wag kang matakot, ’wag kang panghinaan. Kailangan tayo ni Tabi,” lumuluha niyang sambit habang binibigyan ako ng lakas. She was holding me like what she did when I have nothing.

---

NAPAGOD sa biyahe sina Erille at Six kaya magkatabi silang natulog sa sofa rito sa kuwarto ni Tabi.

I stood up and looked out the window. My mind felt like a useless can—walang laman. Hindi ko na alam kung anong paraan ang kailangan kong gawin para sa anak ko. Sana ako na lang ang nakararamdam ng sakit na pinagdaraanan niya.

I looked up at the sky and let out a deep breath. “Please, tell me what I need to do. Please, I’m begging You. Show me a way to save my daughter,” I whispered, hoping for God’s help. I knew He was the only one I could lean on at this difficult time.

Hindi ako nakatulog buong gabi. Nanatili akong nakatingin sa aking anak buong magdamag.

“El, magpahinga ka naman, kami muna ang bahala kay Tabi,” Rie said nang magising sila ni Six.

“Bibili lang ako ng makakain sa labas,” Six uttered. He looked at me and walked outside of the room. Tumabi sa akin si Rie at hinawakan nang mahigpit ang aking mga kamay habang nananatili akong nakatulala kay Tabi.

“She doesn’t deserve any pain like this. She’s so sweet, kind, and smart. My poor Tabi,” I whispered.

“Alam natin lahat ’yon, El, at alam din natin na strong ang Tabitha natin, kaya ’wag kang panghinaan ng loob. Lumalaban si Tabitha kaya dapat tayo rin,” sambit ni Rie.

May nakita akong larawan sa aking isipan. Agad akong natigilan. ‘Ito na ba ang sign na ibinibigay Mo sa akin?’ I said in my mind. ‘If this could be a way to save my daughter, I will do it.’

“Tama ka, Rie,” sambit ko.

Napatingin sa akin si Rie. “Kaya mo ’to. Makakaisip ka ng paraan, El.”

I nodded and let out a deep breath. Para kay Tabi.

Isa lang ang alam kong paraan para mailigtas ko ang anak ko.

Tiningnan ko si Rie sa kanyang mga mata bago ko hinigpitan ang pagkakawak sa kanyang mga kamay.

She looked at me. “Louen?”

Mas hinigpitan ko pa lalo ang pagkakahawak sa kanyang kamay kaya parang nakaramdam siya.

“I’ll be a stripper again,” I said, making her eyes widen in shock.

“Ano?!” agad niyang tugon. “Hindi puwede, Louen!” Sinubukan niyang tumayo pero hinala ko siya at hinawakan nang mas mahigpit.

“Erille, ito na lang ang paraan para kumita ako nang mas mabilis. At isa pa, ginawa ko na ’to dati.”

Hinila niya ang kanyang kamay at saka tumayo. “’Yon na nga, El: Ginawa mo na ’yon dati, kaya ka nga may Tabitha ngayon. Pero hindi na ’ko papayag na umulit ka pa. ’Di baleng ako na lang. Tutulungan kita para ipagamot si Tabi, pero ’wag ka nang bumalik pa doon, El,” sambit ni Rie, pilit ipinaiintindi sa akin ang point niya.

“Erille, alam nating dalawa na kulang ang kikitain mo para sa pangangailangan ni Tabitha. Kailangan kong kumilos para sa anak ko. Please, hayaan mo akong iligtas ang aking anak. Rie, please,” I begged.

Nanahimik siya sandali bago pabagsak na umupo sa aking tabi at huminga nang napakalalim. She wiped her face using both of her hands and looked at me with surrendered eyes.

“Ano’ng gagawin natin ngayon?” tanong niya.

I looked at her. The door opened and Six stepped in. I stared at both of them before I turned my gaze to my sweet Tabi.

“Babalik tayo sa Manila.”

Chapter 24

TEASE

“M-MOMMY.”

Mabilis akong bumangon sa pagkakahiga sa tabi ni Tabitha nang marinig kong tawagin niya ako. Nagkamalay na siya!

“Tabi!” I uttered that made Six and Erille woke up and quickly stood up. They volunteered to call the doctor since my Tabi didn’t want to let go of my hands. Habang tinitingnan ko siya ay hindi ko napigilang lumuha. Good thing she was awake. Thank God.

When the doctor left us, I sat beside my daughter and fixed her hair. “How are you feeling, Tabi? Do you feel something ouchie ? Tell it to Mommy,” I said and kissed her forehead. Erille sat on the other side while Six reached for Tabi’s hand.

Looking so pale and weak, Tabi smiled at us. “No ouchie , Mommy. Tabi is strong,” she said and glanced at Six then they winked at each other.

Kalaunan ay pinanood ko lang sina Rie at Six na libangin ang anak ko. Gusto na raw kasi niyang umuwi pero hindi pa puwede. Mabuti na lang at maraming baong jokes ang dalawang kaibigan ko.

Don’t worry, my baby, Mommy will make the ouchie go away.

“Ah, Tabi. . . .” I caught her attention. I continued to talk when she looked at me. “Do you want to go somewhere? Do you wanna go where Tata and Toto go?”

She glanced at Rie and Six. When they smiled and nodded at her, my daughter looked back at me, spread her arms, pulled my neck, and hugged me. “I will go where Mommy goes,” she whispered in my ears.

I smiled. “Mommy will go with Tata and Toto , so that means Tabi’s coming with Mommy too?” I asked. Hindi ko napigilang matuwa dahil sa pagiging cute ni Tabi.

Tabitha giggled and nodded. “Yes!” sagot niya. Natawa ako nang tuluyan at pinaghahalikan siya.

---

KATATAPOS lang naming mag-early lunch na magkakaibigan. Sa pagkakataong ito ay pinakakain ni Rie si Tabi, habang ako ay nagliligpit ng mga gamit at paminsan-minsang pinanonood silang mag-tita.

“Louen . . .”

Napalingon ako kay Six nang marinig ko ang pagtawag niya sa akin. “Yes? Bakit?”

“Here.” He handed me money. “Pambayad natin dito sa ospital.”

My lips parted as I looked at the money. “S-Six, hindi mo naman kailangan gawi—”

“If we won’t pay the bills, then hindi rin natin maililipat si Tabitha. Kaya ’wag ka nang mahiya sa akin dahil gusto kong gumaling na si Tabi,” he said, and I knew I couldn’t argue with that.

I looked down and sighed before I hugged him. “Thank you so much.”

“Saan n’yo balak tumira pagbalik natin sa Manila?” tanong niya nang maghiwalay kami sa aming pagyayakapan.

Napaisip ako. Oo nga, where are we going to live there? Si Erille, nakatira lang sa club. Dahil inaayos ’yong club, wala na siyang bahay roon.

“Siguro maghahanap na lang kami ng apartment,” tugon ko.

“Why don’t we just all stay in my condo? Tutal ako lang naman mag-isa do’n. Malapit lang din ’yon sa ospital kaya mas magandang doon na lang tayo lahat,” sambit niya.

Napalingon ako kay Erille na tila narinig ang sinabi ni Six. Ilang sandali pa ay tumayo siya at lumapit sa amin.

“Tama, doon na lang kayo tumira sa kanya, El. Okay lang naman ako sa clu—”

“Lahat nga, ’di ba?” putol ni Six sa sasabihin niya.

Hindi agad nakaimik si Rie kaya ako na ang nagsalita. “Okay, tama, doon na lang tayo sa condo mo—tayong lahat. ’Di ba, Tabi? All of us in Toto’s house?” tanong ko kay Tabi. She looked at us and nodded cheerfully.

“Basta hindi ako magbabayad ng renta do’n, ah? Ikaw ang nagsabi na do’n kami!” singhal ni Rie.

“Daming arte,” bulong ni Six, kaya sinipa ni Rie ang hita niya. Six just laughed at her.

---

UMUWI sina Rie at Six sa bahay para mag-empake at pagkatapos ay sinundo na nila kami sa ospital.

“Kaninong sasakyan ’to?” tanong ko nang pinasasakay na kami ni Six dito sa isang gray Nissan Almera. Buhat ko si Tabitha.

“Hiniram ko sa kaibigan ko. ’Di naman kasi tayo kasya sa motor ko,” sagot ni Six at inilagay ang gamit namin sa likuran ng sasakyan. Sumakay na kaming tatlo sa back seat. “Ano ’to? Driver n’yo ’ko? Hoy, Erille, dito ka nga sa harapan—ang feeling mo.”

“Ayaw ko nga! Ikaw na lang do’n sa harapan, El,” sambit ni Erille.

Nilingon kami ni Six. “Lilipat ka dito o ikaw ang magda-drive?”

Hindi nakalaban si Erille sa sinabi ni Six kaya padabog itong lumabas at lumipat sa harapan ng sasakyan.

“Let’s go!” sigaw ni Tabi, kaya napangiti kaming tatlo at nagsimula nang bumiyahe pabalik sa Manila.

Kakaibang pakiramdam ang aking nararamdaman sa pagkakataong ito. Naghahalo-halo ito sa aking buong sistema. Kinakabahan ako sa hindi malamang dahilan. Sobrang bilis din ng tibok ng puso ko habang iniisip ko na papalapit na kami sa lugar na tinakasan ko limang taon na ang nakararaan.

Kung anuman ang mangyari sa pagbabalik namin sa Manila, sinisigurado ko:

Hindi kailanman magtatagpo ang landas natin, Leusam. Hindi mo malalaman na anak mo si Tabitha. Hindi ko guguluhin ang nananahimik mong buhay. Ako mismo ang magpapagaling sa anak ko at gagawin ko ang lahat para kumita ng pera para sa kanya. Hindi tayo magkikita muli.

---

LEUSAM

“NAKU, matagal na hong hindi nagpaparamdam dito si El,” one of the workers at the club said. I couldn’t help but tighten my fist.

“When will she come back?” I asked.

“Hindi ko po alam. Pasensiya na ho, sir.”

I nodded and handed her a thousand pesos before I stood up and fixed my coat. Ever since I came back, I have always been spending my f*cking night at this club, waiting for her to appear.

“Where are you, El?”

---

ERILLE

“EL, nilalamig ba kayo sa air-con?” tanong ko habang nakatanaw sa bintana ng sasakyan. Walang sumagot kaya nilingon ko sila sa likuran. Kaya naman pala, tulog ang mag-ina.

Napangiti ako habang pinagmamasdan sila na payapang natutulog. Halos wala pang maayos na tulog si Louen; hindi siya nagpahinga hangga’t hindi nagkakamalay si Tabitha. Lagi niyang sinasabi na mahina siya at walang-silbi pero ang totoo ay sobrang lakas niya para harapin ang lahat ng ito. Kung ako lang ang nasa lugar niya, maaaring matagal na akong sumuko. Hindi niya alam na isa siya sa pinakamalakas at matatag na babaeng nakilala ko.

Gagawin ko ang lahat para tulungan ka, Louen.

Kinuha ko ang aking phone para i-check kung ano na’ng balita sa club. Tinawagan ko si Mamu at ilang ring pa lang ay agad niya na itong sinagot.

“Mamu, pabalik na ako ng Manila. Ano na ho’ng balita d’yan?” tanong ko. Narinig ko ang pagtawa niya sa kabilang linya. Kumunot ang noo ko. “Mamu?”

“Justine, okay na ang club. Pinayagan na uli tayong mag-operate bukas na bukas!” masigla niyang sambit. Sandali kasing natigil ang club dahil sa problemang kinahaharap nito.

“Talaga, Mamu?!” Hindi ko naisawang mapangiti dahil doon. Sa wakas, okay na uli ang lahat.

“Oo, Justine. Kaya ’wag kang mawawala bukas, ah? Ikaw uli ang first dancer natin sa main stage,” sambit niya mula sa kabilang linya. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang saya sa tinig ni Mamu kaya natuwa rin ako.

“Hindi ako ang first dancer mo bukas, Mamu. Babalik na si Louen, siya ang unang dancer natin bukas,” sagot ko. Maya-maya pa ay narinig ko ang pagpalakpak ni Mamu.

“Naku, napakagandang pagbabalik. Maganda ang muling pagbubukas natin bukas nito. Salamat nang marami, Justine,” she said.

“O, siya sige, Mamu. Nasa biyahe pa ’ko, ’kita na lang ho tayo bukas,” paalam ko.

“Oo, sige. Mag-ingat kayo,” she said and ended the call.

“Yes!” bulong ko.

“Saya mo, ah.”

Napalingon ako kay Six nang magsalita siya. “Malamang. Okay na kasi ang club kaya magbubukas na kami bukas,” sagot ko.

Tumango siya habang nakatingin pa rin sa kalsada. “Dapat na ba ’kong bumalik na rin sa club?”

Natigilan ako dahil sa sinabi niya. “Tanga, bakit ka pa babalik do’n? Ang ganda na ng trabaho mo sa bar, ’di ba? Bobo ka?” pilosopo kong sambit na ikinatawa niya.

“Wala lang. Para balik uli tayong tatlo doon—para masaya . . .”

Kunot-noo ko siyang tiningnan. “Alam mo, may sapak ka na. Pa-checkup ka na, ’uy,” sambit ko bago muling tumingin sa bintana at saka ngumiti.

Magandang simula ito. Sana lang ay tama ang desisyon ni Louen sa pagbabalik namin.

“Diyos ko, Kayo na ho ang bahala sa amin . . .” I whispered.

---

INABOT kami ng limang oras sa biyahe pabalik ng Manila at hapon na kami nakarating sa condo nitong gag*ng ’to.

“Pasok, pasok,” Six said when he opened his pad. Hindi ito gano’n kalaki gaya ng mga pag-aari ng mayayaman kong customer pero okay na ito para sa isang binatang gaya niya.

“Wow!”

Napalingon kaming tatlo kay Tabitha nang tingnan niya ang view sa bintana ng condo ni Six. Mataas ang kinalalagyan ng unit niya kaya maganda ang view rito at kita ang lahat ng building na nakapalibot dito.

“Do you like it, Tabi?” tanong ni Six at saka lumuhod sa tabi ni Tabi. Nakahawak si Tabi sa salamin ng bintana at idinikit pa ang mukha roon kaya hindi namin napigilang matawa.

“Aren’t you scared of heights, Tabi?” Louen asked her while putting our bags on the couch. Umiling si Tabi nang nakadikit pa rin sa salamin ang mukha.

“Ito ang kusina. Wala masyadong gamit dito dahil madalang ako magluto. Pero lagi namang may laman ang ref ko,” sambit ni Six na may kaunting pagyayabang at ipinakita sa amin ang kusina.

Kulay black ang kusina niya at malinis tingnan. Binuksan ko ang ref at nagulat nang makitang marami nga itong laman at puro healthy food pa ang nakalagay.

“Taray! Bagong buhay?” sambit ko.

Lumapit siya sa akin at isinara ang ref. “Gag*ng buhay,” aniya at saka lumabas ng kusina. “Tara, dito.”

Sumunod kaming dalawa ni Louen sa kanya. May maliit na hallway siya rito para sa tatlong pinto.

“Ito ang extra banyo,” sambit niya at binuksan ang pinto sa gitna ng hallway. Maliit na banyo ito pero may shower kaya puwede rin doon maligo. “Then . . .” Binuksan niya ang isang pinto sa kaliwa. “. . . ito ang kuwarto n’yo, Louen. Medyo mas maluwag ito kaysa sa isa; para makapaglaro pa si Tabi dito sa loob.”

Pumasok kami sa loob, kulay beige ang silid kaya malinis tingnan. May kama at malaking cabinet din dito.

“May sarili kayong banyo kung kailanganing gumamit ni Tabi sa gabi.”

Maayos ang kuwarto na ito at parang puwedeng maging kuwarto talaga ng babae kaya hindi ko napigilang magkomento. “Baka kuwarto ito ng ex mo, nakakahiya naman kung dito kami,” sambit ko habang pinagmamasdan ang paligid.

“Sira! Bakit ko naman pagagawan ng kuwarto ang ex ko? Isa pa, hindi dito nag-stay ’yon!” singhal niya.

I just made face at him and continued roaming around. “Kasya na tayo dito, El,” sambit ko at saka umupo sa kama.

“Sino’ng nagsabing dito ka magkukuwarto? Makikisiksik ka pa.”

Napalingon kami kay Six nang sabihin niya ’yon. Teka, balak niya ba ’kong patulugin sa sala?

Talagang pinagti-trip-an niya ’ko ngayon dahil teritoryo niya ito!

“Saan mo ’ko patutulugin?! Sa sala?!” singhal ko. Pumasok si Tabi sa loob ng kuwarto at umupo sa tabi ni Louen.

“Hindi!” sagot niya.

“Mommy, shower,” sambit ni Tabi.

“Labas muna kayo, ko lang si Tabi,” ani Louen kaya wala kaming nagawa ni Six kundi lumabas ng kuwarto.

Tiningnan ko si Six nang masama. “Sabi ko na nga ba. Dapat talaga hindi ako sumama dito. Sa club na lang sana ’ko nag-stay kung pagti-trip—”

Bigla akong hinila ni Six at binuksan ang katapat naming pinto sa kanan. “Dito. Kasya naman tayo dito,” sambit niya.

“Ano?!” sigaw ko.

Hinila niya ako papasok sa kuwarto niya. Kulay black ang kuwarto at kaunti lang ang gamit sa loob— kama at music materials lang ang nandito.

“Dito mo ’ko patutulugin? ’Wag na ’uy!” singhal ko at bubuksan na sana ang pinto nang magsalita siya.

“Ang arte mo! Ano’ng gusto mo? Sumiksik sa kuwarto nina Louen? Nakita mong sakto na sa kanila ’yon. Isa pa, gusto mo naman ako kaya advantage mo na ’yon na dito ka matutu—”

“Ano’ng sinabi mo? Ako? May gusto ’ko sa ’yo?” hindi makapaniwalang tanong ko sa kanya. He crossed his arms on his chest, leaned on the wall, and confidently looked at me.

“Erille, umamin ka na gusto mo ’ko; walang babaeng hindi magkakagusto sa ’kin.”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko dahil sa biglang kayabangan ng gag*. “Siraulo ka ba? Kaya pala binasted ka ni Louen kasi walang babae ang hindi magkakagusto sa ’yo,” pilosopo kong sambit.

“Iba ’yon,” sagot niya kaya mapang-asar akong ngumiti. “Isa pa, umamin ka na sa ’kin dati pa—no’ng 18th birthday mo no’ng nag-inuman tayo. Sabi mo, gusto mo ’ko; kaya alam kong gusto mo ’ko.”

Tanga! Alam mo na pala noon pa, pero bakit nagustuhan mo pa rin si Louen? Tss.

“Eighteen pa lang ako no’n, Six. Ngayon, hindi na kita gusto. No way,” sambit ko.

“Patunayan mo. Dito ka magkuwarto,” mapanghamon niyang sambit.

Ano’ng akala mo? Aatras ako sa’yo? Gag*! Hindi na ’ko gaya ng dati.

“Sige ba. Gusto mo, tabi pa tayo, eh,” lakas-loob kong sambit.

He smirked. “’Wag na, baka gapangin mo pa ’ko.”

Halos mahulog ang panga ko sa kayabangan niya. Kailan pa siya yumabang nang ganito?

“Gag*!” sigaw ko at ibinato sa kanya ang bag ko. Tinawanan niya lang ako nang masalo niya ito.

Lumabas ako at tinulungan si Louen na mag-ayos ng mga gamit namin. Nagluto na rin ako ng hapunan: adobong baboy at fried rice. Pagkatapos naming maayos ang lahat ng gamit namin, kumain na kami nang sabay-sabay at pinag-usapan ang mga gawain dito sa bahay.

Matapos kumain, nagpasikat ’yong gag* na siya raw ang maghuhugas ng plato kaya hinayaan na lang namin siya. Nag-stay ako sa kuwarto nina El. Pinatulog niya si Tabi bago ako kinausap.

“Sigurado ka na ba bukas?” seryoso kong tanong habang nakaupo sa tabi niya.

“Sigurado na ’ko. Para kay Tabi . . .” pursigidong sambit ni Louen.

“Kung ’yan ang gusto mo, susuportahan kita. Nandito lang ako sa tabi mo. Magpapakatatag tayo para kay Tabi,” bulong ko at niyakap siya.

Gagaling si Tabi at kami ang gagawa ng paraan para mangyari iyon.

“Sige na, matulog ka na at magpahinga. Kulang ka sa tulog ’tapos napagod ka pa sa biyahe kaya pahinga ka na.” Tumayo na ako at saka lumapit sa pinto.

“Sige. Good night, Rie,” she said and lay down beside Tabi. I smiled at her and turned off the light in their room before I slowly closed the door.

Tumayo ako sa harap ng pinto ng silid ni Six at saka bumulong. “Ginusto mo ito, harapin mo.”

Isa pa, wala naman na akong nararamdaman para sa kanya kaya wala lang ito.

---

SIX

I WAS busy mixing music inside my room when the door opened. Erille stepped inside with furrowed brows. I stopped playing to lean back on my chair, looked at her, and smirked.

I suddenly wanted to tease her more because she became so grumpy when we met again. Mas nakatutuwa siyang asarin sa pagkakataong ito dahil ang bilis niyang mainis sa akin. I kinda liked it.

“O, ’kala ko hindi mo kaya, eh,” I playfully said, went near her, and gave her teasing stares.

“Baka ikaw!” singhal niya bago itinulak ang aking mukha papalayo. Binitbit niya ang kanyang kulay violet na tuwalya at saka pumunta sa banyo.

I chuckled. “Takot ka? Gusto mo, samahan kita?” pang-aasar ko. She glared at me and showed her middle finger before she loudly closed the door. I grinned and went back to what I was doing.

I had to go to work early the next day, as there would be a big event at the bar. Uuwi na lang ako nang maaga para ako ang magbantay kay Tabi habang sina Louen naman ang nasa trabaho. I felt relieved that they were staying here with me. Mahirap din naman kung sila-silang mga babae lang ang magkakasama.

I continued arranging my music materials. Music is my safe zone, my medium to express my feelings. It gives me joy, and I can’t imagine myself in another profession. I always see myself as a DJ, wishing to stay like this for the rest of my life.

“At last!” I uttered as I finished my business. I rested my back on my seat and stretched my arms.

The bathroom door opened. I opened my eyes and looked at her.

“O, bakit? Ngayon ka lang nakakita ng bagong ligo? Hindi ka kasi naliligo!” she said.

Why the f*ck is she not wearing a bra?

“Ano ’yang suot mo?!” I hissed at her. F*ck!

“Sando, tanga! Ito, shorts. ’Di mo alam?” sambit niya habang pinupunasan ang basang buhok gamit ang towel na hawak niya.

I sat properly and wiped my face using both of my hands. “Hindi mo ba alam na kuwarto ng lalaki ang tutulugan mo? Bakit ganyan ang suot mo? ’Tapos hindi ka pa nagsuot ng br—ng panloob!” I sighed out of frustration. She’s so careless ever since!

“Eh, paki mo ba? Ganito ako matulog. Bakit? Takot ka?” mapanghamon niyang sambit.

Agad akong humarap sa kanya. “Bakit naman ako matatakot, eh wala naman akong makikita d’yan?” I said, making her irritated, and threw a pillow at me.

“Wala naman pala, eh. Eh ’di manahimik ka d’yan, arte!” sambit niya bago humiga.

She faced the other side of the bed, that’s why I could clearly see her body shape. F*ck! Tumayo ako at

“O, bakit ka nand’yan?” tanong niya.

I took a heavy sigh before I grabbed the comforter and wrapped her with it. Ibinalot ko siya na parang lumpia gamit ang comforter.

“T*ngina ka, Six! Ano ’to?!” galit niyang sambit. When I finally covered her body with the comforter, I stepped backward and smiled at her.

“Ang cute mo d’yan,” pang-aasar ko at saka tumuloy sa banyo.

“Six, mamatay ka na!” she said.

“Satisfaction,” I whispered.

---

LOUEN

“HMM . . . hmm . . .”

Naalimpungatan ako nang makarinig ako ng mahinang boses kasabay ng paggalaw ng kama. What is that?

I slowly opened my eyes and saw Tabi struggling in her sleep. She was holding her head. Mabilis akong umupo at hinawakan ang anak ko. “Tabi?”

She opened her eyes and cried. “Mommy, ouchie again! Mommy!”

Agad ko siyang binuhat at isinuot ang aking tsinelas. Mabilis din akong lumabas ng kuwarto at kinatok sina Rie at Six sa kuwarto nila.

“Rie! Six!” I said while knocking. Alas-dose na ng hatinggabi kaya alam kong tulog na sila. Yumakap sa akin si Tabi nang sobrang higpit at umiyak sa balikat ko.

“Mommy, ouchie! “ she cried in pain. I held her tight before the door opened.

“Ano’ng nangyayari?” tanong ni Six.

“Louen,” Rie said and held my hand.

“Kailangan natingdalhin sa ospital si Tabi,” I said.

Chapter 25

PASSION

“KAILANGAN nating dalhin sa ospital si Tabi.”

Hindi na hinintay ni Six ang susunod kong sasabihin. Kinuha niya ang susi ng sasakyan na ginamit namin at agad itinakbo palabas ng condo si Tabitha.

Sumunod kami ni Rie habang nagsisimula na namang manginig ang aking mga kamay. We all ran fast to the parking lot. Agad binuksan ni Six ang sasakyan at pinasakay ako sa back seat bago ibinigay sa akin ang namimilipit sa sakit na si Tabi. I bit my lower lip as she kept struggling in pain. She started shedding tears. Wala akong magawa kundi hawakan siya at hintaying makarating kami sa ospital.

“ Ouchie! “ Tabi reached for my hand and put it on her head, thinking it could ease her pain. But it was not effective. I couldn’t help but bit my lip harder and control my tears.

“Malapit na tayo, Tabi,” I whispered as I hugged her. She started kicking and moving aggressively. I couldn’t bear to watch my child suffer like this.

“Tabi, malapit na tayo, baby,” nanghihinang sambit ni Rie mula sa harapan at inabot ang kamay ni Tabi.

“Tata, ouchie !” Mas lumakas ang pag-iyak ni Tabi kaya hindi napigilan ni Rie na lumuha.

“Six, bilisan mo,” Rie uttered.

The car almost flew dahil sa sobrang bilis ng pagpapaandar ni Six. He glanced at us through the rearview mirror. “Almost there, Tabi,” he whispered.

“ Ouchie , Mommy, ouchie! “ She kept on shouting. Every shout felt like a stab of a sharp knife into my heart.

“My Tabi is strong, right? She can do this. Ouchie will go away any minute, okay?” Pinilit ko ang sarili kong maging matatag para sa kanya dahil alam kong walang mangyayari kung luluha lang ako habang nahihirapan siya.

“Ouchie . . .”

I gasped for air when she weakly said that and just hugged her. She was trying to show us that she could endure the pain. I hardly closed my eyes and held her tight.

“Mommy is here,” I whispered and wiped my tears. This is killing me. Please, spare my daughter.

Pagdating namin sa ospital ay agad bumaba si Six at kinuha sa akin si Tabi. Tumakbo kami nang mabilis hanggang sa madala namin si Tabi sa ER. Napaupo ako sa sahig dahil sa panghihina.

Ever since I discovered that Tabi had this kind of sickness, my life became an active bomb that anytime can explode every time she needed to be in the hospital, every time she became pale, every time her eyes showed weakness, and every time she felt pain and said the word ‘ouchie.’ It’s the most painful word I could ever hear. She doesn’t deserve this. My Tabi doesn’t deserve any of this.

I realized that what they say is true: You will only know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have to save your daughter.

“Tumayo kayo d’yan,” Six uttered and guided us to stand up and lead us to the chair outside the emergency room. Nanginginig kong hinawakan ang kamay nilang dalawa habang nakatingin sa pinto ng ER.

My Tabi was still crying. I could hear her. Hanggang sa makalipas ang ilang sandali ay unti-unting nawala ang ingay ng pag-iyak ni Tabi kaya mas hinigpitan ko ang pagkakahawak sa kamay nina Erille at Six.

Six rubbed my back and tried to calm me down, while Erille was still sobbing. I tried my best to control my tears since I needed to be strong for my Tabi.

We waited for half an hour bago lumabas ang doktor at inilipat sa ibang kuwarto si Tabitha. She was with those apparatus again. My poor Tabitha.

Nanghihina akong umupo muli sa tabi ni Tabi at naluluhang hinawakan ang kanyang kamay.

“Nararamdaman mo na pala, Tabi, eh. Why didn’t you tell it to Mommy? Why do you keep enduring it by yourself? Why, Tabi?” I weakly whispered. “Sabihin mo kay Mommy if you feel ouchie , so Mommy would know and we can stop the pain.”

This was more painful than I expected. Knowing that at her young age, she tried to endure it so that we wouldn’t suffer.

“Don’t do this again, Tabi.” I held her hand and kissed it. Then I cried on my daughter’s arms. I watched her the whole night dahil natatakot ako na baka makaramdam na naman siya ng sakit sa kanyang katawan.

---

HINDI ko namalayan na umaga na pala. Sumikat na ang araw pero ang tingin ko ay nananatili lang sa aking anak—sa aking Tabitha, ang aking malakas na Tabitha.

Bumalik ang doktor para tingnan siya at ipinagawa na ang blood transfusion. Mga ilang minuto lang pagkatapos ay nagkamalay na uli si Tabitha. The first thing she did when she opened her eyes was to smile. She still managed to smile even though she’s in pain.

“Hello, Mommy,” she whispered. She looked pale again.

“H-Hi,” sagot ko sa kanya bago siya hinalikan sa noo at nagpasalamat sa Panginoon.

“I’m okay,” she said and tapped my head. I faced her and fixed her hair.

“It’s okay, baby. You can say it to Mommy if you are not. P-Please say it to Mommy, okay?” My voice cracked as my heart kept breaking.

“Okay,” she uttered with her hand gesturing ‘okay’ sign.

“Promise it to Mommy,” I said.

She nodded and showed me her pinky fingers. “Promise,” she whispered then winked at me. I smiled, and we had the pinky promise.

“Say it to Toto and Tata too, Tabi,” ani Six kaya napalingon kami sa kanya. Nakatayo silang dalawa ni Rie sa magkabilang gilid. Tabitha giggled at him, and they all had the pinky promise.

“Mommy, Toto, Tata, I’m okay,” she said.

“We know,” sambit ni Rie at inilabas ang remote para buksan ang TV.

“CR lang ako,” bulong ko bago tumayo at tumuloy sa banyo. I washed my face, took a deep breath, and looked at the mirror. Mukha akong hinang-hina. I also looked pale.

Inayos ko ang buhok ko at sinubukang ngumiti, pero kahit ano’ng pilit ko ay parang hindi ko makitaan ng saya ang aking mga mata. My face was filled with fear. Fear that something bad might happen to my Tabi again. Oh, please, no.

I wiped my face, stroke my hair up, and let out a deep sigh. “Kaya mo ’to, Louen. Maging matatag ka,” bulong ko sa aking sarili.

Lumabas ako ng CR at nakipagkuwentuhan kina Tabitha at Rie. Six bought us food before he left to work. Pagdating ng hapon ay bumalik siya na may dalang mga damit at prutas para kay Tabitha.

“Dinala ko na rin ang mga gagamitin n’yo sa trabaho mamaya. ’Wag kang mag-alala, Louen. Hindi ko pababayaan si Tabitha pag-alis n’yo mamaya,” seryosong sambit ni Six.

“Aba, dapat lang. Dahil ’pag may nangyaring hindi maganda kay Tabi habang wala kami, naku, Six, sinasabi ko sa ’yo, may paglalagyan ka!” banta ni Erille na ikinatawa ni Six.

“Walang mangyayaring masama kay Tabitha habang nasa akin siya,” tugon ni Six. Nagpatuloy sila sa pag-aasaran habang ako ay busy sa pagpapatulog kay Tabitha. She easily fell asleep because of the medicine given to her.

Kahit na ayaw kong umalis, kailangan kong gawin ito. Kahit na ayaw kong iwan si Tabi, kailangan namin ng pambayad sa bill ng ospital kaya magtatrabaho ako para kay Tabitha.

“Six, ikaw na ang bahala kay Tabitha. Tawagan mo ’ko agad ’pag may nangyari,” paalala ko kay Six.

“Ako na’ng bahala dito,” he said.

“’Wag kang matakot, El. Walang mangyayaring masama kay Tabi, natutulog lang siya. Bukas paggising niya, nandito na tayo,” Rie cheered me up.

I nodded at her. Tama siya, sandali lang ito.

Pagkalabas namin ng ospital, agad kaming sumakay ng taxi at nagtungo sa club. Habang nakatanaw sa bintana ng taxi, bumabalik sa akin ang oras na kasama ko si Leusam. Pero hindi siya dapat ang iniisip ko sa pagkakataong ito. Kailangan kong mag-focus kay Tabitha at sa kanya lang dapat.

Gagawin ko ito para kay Tabitha, para sa anak ko.

---

ERILLE

PANAY ang paghinga nang malalim ni Louen habang papalapit kami sa club. Alam kong kinakabahan siya na malayo siya kay Tabi. Nag-aalala siya na baka may kung anong mangyari kay Tabi habang wala kami. May tiwala ako sa Panginoon, hindi Niya pababayaan si Tabi. At alam ni Six ang gagawin niya. Sobrang mahal n’on si Tabitha kaya kampante akong iwan namin sila.

Nang tumigil ang taxi sa harap ng club, nakita kong natigilan si Louen at pinagmasdan muna ang club bago kami bumaba. “Kaya ko ’to,” bulong niya. Ngumiti ako at hinawakan ang balikat niya.

“Para kay Tabi,” sabi ko. Tumango siya at sabay kaming naglakad papasok ng club.

Habang papasok ng club, medyo nahirapan kami dahil marami na agad ang taong kumukuha ng entrance ticket. No’n lang muli nagbukas ang club kaya hindi nakapagtataka na marami nang tao.

“Suotin mo ang mask mo,” bulong ko kay Louen bago kami dumaan sa mga customer.

“Ay!” Nagulat ako nang biglang may humawak sa aking kamay. Natigilan kami sa paglalakad ni Louen dahil doon. Nang lingunin ko ang humawak sa aking kamay, agad kumunot ang noo ko.

“Erille, you’re back,” he said and urged a handsome smile.

Napalingon ako sa paligid at nakaramdam ng takot na baka puntahan kami ng ibang customer. Mabilis kong itinulak papasok sa staff room si Louen.

“Mag-ayos ka na d’yan, hintayin mo ’ko, saglit lang ’to,” sambit ko kay Louen bago hinila ang lalaki papunta sa smoking area ng club kung saan wala pa masyadong tao. “Ano nga uli ang pangalan mo?” tanong ko at kunot-noong nagpamaywang sa harapan niya. He smiled at me again and stood straight.

“Jackson,” he said.

Oo, tama, naalala ko na. Jackson nga ang pangalan niya.

“Bakit ka nandito? Ano’ng kailangan mo?” tanong ko.

“I came here to see you. Actually, I was just hoping to see you again. I’m coming here every month for the past few years just to see you again. You’ve been gone for so long, I’m glad that I finally see you again.”

Lalong kumunot ang noo ko dahil sa sinabi niya. Hinahanap? At hinihintay niya ako dito? Bakit?

“Huh? Joke ba ’yan?” tanong ko dahil hindi kapani-paniwala ang sinabi niya.

He smiled and rubbed his nape. “No, I was really hoping to see you every month,” he sincerely said.

Halos mahulog ang panga ko. Natawa ako nang maka-recover ako sa sinabi niya at tiningnan siya nang mabuti. “Bored ka ba? Kasi kung bored ka, naghahanap ng mapagti-trip-an, at ako ang napili mo uli, ako na’ng nagsasabi sa ’yo: ’wag ako,” sambit ko.

“No, I’m not playing with you. What I’ve said is true,” pilit niyang sambit kaya mas lalo akong natawa.

“Gusto mo ba ’ko?” walang-takot kong sambit.

He stopped for a second before he clenched his jaw and gulped a few times. “Yes,” he said.

Mukha siyang inosenteng lalaki na hindi mahilig sa s*x. Nilapitan ko siya at hinila ang kanyang kuwelyo.

“Gusto mo bang halikan kita?” tanong ko at deretso siyang tiningnan. Hindi siya nakagalaw dahil sa aking sinabi.

“Ahm . . . a-actua—”

Hindi ko na siya pinatapos magsalita at agad siyang hinalikan. He didn’t even move when I gave him a chance to grab me for a deeper kiss. I smirked and moved away from him.

“’Yan, libre na ’yan, puwede ka nang umuwi.” Naglakad ako at nilagpasan siya na nakatulala pa rin.

Pumasok muli ako sa loob ng bar at naglakad papalapit sa staff room pero natigilan ako nang tumunog ang phone ko. Mabilis ko itong tiningnan, at nang makita ko ang pangalan ni Six, agad akong kinabahan.

“Tabitha,” bulong ko. Pumunto ako sa isang tabi upang marinig nang maayos si Six. “Ano’ng nangyayari?” tanong ko kay Six. Agad bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko.

“Tatanong ko lang sana kung anong channel ba ’yong SpongeBob?”

Dahan-dahang bumagsak ang balikat ko sa walang-kuwentang tanong ni Six. Seryoso ba siya? Hindi niya ba alam kung gaano nakakakaba na makita siyang tumatawag dahil kasama niya si Tabitha?

“’Yan talaga ang dahilan kung bakit ka tumawag?” nagpipigil kong tanong.

“Ahm, oo. At saka nakaramdam kasi ako ng kakaiba kanina, parang may hindi magandang nangyayari d’yan kaya tumawag ako. Ano’ng ginagawa mo?” he said.

“Tngina, Six! Kung ganyan lang din ang itatawag mo, sana hindi ka na tumawag! Hindi mo alam kung gaano ako kinabahan sa ginawa mo! Gag ka talaga!” singhal ko. Napakawalang-kuwenta!

“Ay gano’n ba?”

Narinig ko pang natawa siya, mas lalo tuloy akong nairita.

“Gag* ka! Papatayin ko na ’to! ’Wag ka nang tumawag kung ganito lang din ang sasabihin mo, tanga!”

Papatayin ko na sana ang tawag nang magsalita uli siya.

“Anong channel?”

Umikot ang mga mata ko dahil sa inis.

“Nickelodeon, gag*!” sigaw ko at pinatay ang tawag.

Gag* ka talaga, Xyrus Iris Santos!

---

LOUEN

“SORRY, natalagan ako. May dalawang lamok lang akong pinatay,” ani Rie bago ako tinulungang mag-ayos. “Ready ka na ba?” tanong niya.

Tumango ako bilang sagot, kahit na alam ko sa sarili ko na kinakabahan ako. Iba ang kaba ko sa pagkakataong ito dahil may nakasalalay na sakripisyo ang pagsasayaw kong ito. Para ito kay Tabi kaya gagalingan ko pa lalo.

“Galingan mo, ah?” nakangiting sambit ni Rie habang tinitingnan ako mula sa repleksiyon ng salamin. We both smiled at each other and after that, she helped me wear my red mask.

I wore a hot red fitted bodycon dress. It had a lace design at the side that showed my right waist. I also wore black leggings underneath it so I could dance properly.

“Louen, ready ka na?” Napalingon ako nang tawagin ako ni Ma’am Cherille.

Nilapitan ako ni Rie at hinawakan ang aking kamay. “Kaya mo ’to,” she whispered.

I smiled at her and walked outside the staff room and made my way to the main stage.

“We are back again for a new start. For our brand-new start, once again, let us serve you our best, hot, and sexy performance coming from . . .”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. You’re back where you belong, Louen. Dance as if it is your last.

“. . . the greatest stripper—El!”

The crowd shouted and cheered as I stepped out on the stage and held the pole. I looked at the pole and suddenly, the passion I felt back then went back. I smiled and whispered, “I missed you.”

---

LEUSAM

“WHOA!”

There was loud music and flying money around the stage as she shone like a star.

Finally, after so many years . . .

“Welcome back . . .” I whispered and smirked.

Chapter 26

BREATHIN’

LOUEN

FIRE of passion ran into my nerves as I moved my hips and waist in front of everyone. Every grip on the pole and every trick I made was setting me on fire. The heat from every beat of the music collided with my whole system.

Rowdy sounds, cheers, claps, and perverted whistles surrounded me as their money started flying into the floor where I was standing. They were all thirsty for my body. They craved me like I was a dessert served for their eyes only.

I slowly moved down, kneeling in front of them, spread my legs, and slowly pulled down the strap of my dress.

You, you love it how I move you You love it how I touch you My one, when all is said and done You’ll believe God is a woman And I, I feel it after midnight A feelin’ that you can’t fight My one, it lingers when we’re done You’ll believe God is a woman

(God is a Woman by Ariana Grande)

I lingered my fingers, seducingly playing with them as they all yearn for me. I moved like I was the most delicate woman they ever wanted. I slowly pulled my dress down revealing my red hot two-piece. Men’s money rained on me. I lay down on the floor, moved my hips and waist well as I hugged the money that could save my Tabi.

I closed my eyes and moved with the music. I was fired up and pulled the pole, lifted my body, and did a butterfly trick, slowly swinging around the pole until I reached the stage floor. They all shouted out of amusement. I gasped for air as I finished the music. I stood up in front and smirked at everyone before I stepped out of the stage, headed to the staff room, and sat on my chair.

Rie looked at me. “Okay ka lang?” tanong niya sa akin habang inaayos niya ang sarili dahil siya na ang susunod na sasayaw.

I just nodded and drank water. I was speechless as I felt like I was out of energy. My passion consumed all my strength that night.

“El.”

I stood up as I heard Ma’am Cherille’s voice and walked toward her. She handed me a huge amount of money.

“Thirty-two thousand lahat ’yan, hindi na ako kumuha ng hati. Ilaan mo na lang sa anak mo ang lahat ng ’yan,” she said and tapped my shoulder before she looked at Rie. “Rie, ikaw na ang susunod. Labas na.”

Rie walked toward me and held my hand. She gave me a small smile before she stepped outside. I took a deep breath after seeing the money. Kulang pa ’to . . .

Tiningnan ko si Ma’am Cherille na palabas na sana ng silid. Mabilis ko siyang nilapitan at hinawakan sa kanyang mga kamay.

She was stunned. “H-Hindi puwede. Magagalit si Justine,” she said.

Mas hinigpitan ko ang pagkakahawak sa kanyang kamay at nagmakaawa. “Please? I need this for my daughter,” I begged.

She let out a heavy sigh and looked straight into my eyes. “Hintayin mo ’ko dito,” aniya at agad lumabas.

Mga ilang minuto lang ay bumalik na si Ma’am Cherille at mabilis akong nilapitan. “Tara na,” she said and turned her back on me.

Lumabas kami ng staff room. Paglingon ko sa stage ay agad nagtama ang aming mga mata ni Rie. I saw how she was taken aback and stared at me like she wanted to scold me. But I just smiled at her and gave her an ‘okay’ sign before I went up the stairs. Parang walang ipinagbago ang buong lugar; parang gano’n pa rin ang pakiramdam ko no’ng una akong pumunta rito.

Tumuloy kami sa tapat ng VIP room. I exhaled silently before I glanced at Ma’am Cherille.

“Iiwan na kita dito,” she said.

Pero bago ko mabuksan ang pintong nasa harap ko ay biglang bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko. Walang-ano-ano kasi na pumasok sa utak ko ang lalaking hindi pa rin naaalis sa puso at isip ko.

“It can’t be him, Louen,” I whispered to myself and chuckled. Isang malaking kalokohan iyon, Louen.

For the last time, I let out a deep breath and opened the door. I gasped as I smelled the familiar scent inside the room. Hindi ko pa man nagagawang iangat ang aking tingin sa taong nasa loob ay tila naubusan na ako ng hangin sa aking buong katawan.

This can’t be happening. This is not happening! This can’t be him. Please tell me it’s not him.

The ambiance was so heavy now. I felt like at any moment, I would lose consciousness. My lips started shaking as my whole body trembled in fear. Nangilid ang aking luha sa hindi malamang dahilan habang sinusubukan kong palakasin ang aking sarili na harapin ang taong ito.

I inhaled deeply. I gripped my dress and tried to endure his powerful aura. I slowly lifted my head up and faced him.

“No . . .” I whispered. Hindi maaari!

After five long and hard years, our eyes met again, and it felt like a nightmare—the nightmare that I kept on running away from. This was the last thing I could ask for, why do I need to see those eyes again?

My heart skipped a beat and my whole world moved slowly. There are a hundred men inside this bar, why him?

I gazed at his shiny expensive leather Saint Laurent shoes. Tell me that this is just a nightmare. Wake me up and please don’t let me see him.

“Where have you been, El?”

My lips parted as I clearly heard his voice. No . . .

I gathered all my strength and looked him in the eyes. “It’s none of your business,” I uttered and held my dress tighter. I can do this. Don’t let him know anything, Louen—not even a single thing.

He was just sitting with his legs crossed in front of me. He glanced at his watch before he looked straight into my eyes. He rested his arms on his chair and touched his lips teasingly.

“Everything about you is my business, El,” he uttered dangerously. And I suddenly felt afraid that he had an idea about my Tabi.

“Why are you here?” I asked.

“I was waiting for you, and I didn’t miss a day.” There was a shade of anger in the tone of his voice, but it sounded gentle—gentle yet dangerous—a tone that I would never ask to hear again.

Huminga ako nang malalim at buong tapang siyang tiningnan. “This is a joke. Find another girl for your lust,” I said. I was about to turn my back on him when he spoke again.

“Since you’re finally back, let’s continue what we had started,” he said, stood up, and took his step close to me. I wanted to turn my back on him and run away but every sound of his shoe steps made me stiff in fear.

“No! Please don’t come near me!” I stepped away from him. I thought he would follow what I said, but instead, he held my wrist and pulled me close to him. He closed the door behind me and pinned me on it.

I gasped and avoided his gaze. He moved closer to me, and I could almost feel how warm his mint breath was.

“I looked everywhere for you, I hunted any shadows that could lead me to you. I was craving for your gaze, for your passion. I waited for your voice for so long, and now you’re refusing me?” he asked.

Mas lalong lumalim ang paghinga ko nang tumama ang kanyang mga labi sa aking leeg. Hindi tama ito, mas lalo akong nanghina dahil sobrang lapit niya. I didn’t want to be under his authority. I needed to move.

“Yes, I am refusing you,” I said and pushed him away, but I was too weak that I could only push him an inch away from me. Sh*t! This is a trap, Louen!

“Layuan mo ’ko at aalis na ako. Hindi ko gagawin ang service na ito,” I fearlessly said and showed him how true I was to my words.

“Hundred thousand,” he uttered and didn’t cut his gaze at me. “Hundred thousand for you to stay. One hour is enough.” He stepped backward, slid his hand down to my hands, and gently pulled me to sit on the couch.

A hundred thousand was a big help for my Tabi’s condition. Sa isang iglap tuloy ay binagyo ang buong sistema ko, at hindi ko alam kung sa paanong paraan ko ito mapahuhupa.

Gayunman ay pinilit ko pa rin na magpokus sa intensiyon ko. Trabaho lang.

After this, Louen, he will be gone. Stay for Tabi. . . .

Huminga ako nang malalim. “Fine,” I said and pushed him to sit. I’d dance for him, and that’s it.

He stared at me and watched me play my music— Breathin’

by

Ariana Grande . My heart was pounding like crazy, and I knew he was the f*cking reason. I wish that after this, I won’t see you again. You look like a walking nightmare to me.

After a few moves, the music ended. I immediately went down the pole and grabbed the cheque on the table that cost one hundred thousand pesos.

“My job here is over,” I said. But before I could move away, Leusam quickly grabbed my hand, pulled me close, and kissed the corner of my lips.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said and headed out first.

I looked at the door and weakly fell on the floor with my knees shaking.

“No.”

Chapter 27

CAME

ERILLE

NATAPOS akong sumayaw ng dalawang music at masasabi kong medyo malaki ang kinita ko sa gabing ito. Malaking tulong ito para kay Tabi.

Bumaba ako ng stage at pinuntahan si Louen. Ang usapan namin ay walang ganito, sasayaw lang uli siya. Pero paakyat pa lang ako ng hagdan papuntang VIP room ay agad ko siyang nakasalubong.

“Ano’ng nangyari sa ’yo?” Hinawakan ko ang magkabila niyang braso. Namumutla siya at halos namumuti na ang mga labi. “Hoy!” sambit ko dahil tulala lang siya at parang tinakasan ng kaluluwa sa katawan.

Sinaktan ba siya sa itaas? Tiningnan ko ang buo niyang katawan pero wala akong nakita ni isang galos o pasa kaya bumalik ako sa pagharap sa kanya.

“Louen?! Ano na ba’ng nangyayari sa ’yo?” Tinapik ko ang kanyang mukha at doon pa lang siya bumalik sa kanyang sarili.

“Rie,” sambit niya.

“Bakit ka umakyat sa itaas?” tanong ko. Hindi siya agad nakasagot kaya kunot-noo ko siyang tinitigan.

“Pumayag ako mag-service pero w-wala na, o-okay na. Hindi naman natuloy,” she answered and avoided my gaze.

Hindi na lang ako umimik at sinundan siya sa loob ng staff room. Kinuha ko na rin ang kinita ko kay Mamu bago kami nagbihis at tumuloy na sa ospital kahit na mag-a-alas-dos na ng hatinggabi.

---

“ITO pala ang kinita ko ngayong gabi, idagdag mo sa bill natin sa ospital,” sabi ko kay Louen habang nakasakay kami sa taxi papuntang ospital. Iniabot ko sa kanya ang pera pero hindi niya ito tinanggap, bagkus ay ibinalik niya ito sa aking bag.

“Sa ’yo ’yan, Rie, kakailanganin mo ’yan. ’Wag mong alalahanin ang bayarin sa ospital,” mahina niyang bulong.

“Pero—”

“Hindi na, Rie. Sige na, itabi mo na ’yan,” seryoso niyang sambit. Wala akong nagawa kundi sundin ang sinabi niya at nanahimik na lang.

Hindi ko naiwasang tingnan siya habang papunta kami ng ospital. Bakas sa kanyang mukha ang kakaibang pangamba at takot sa hindi ko malamang dahilan. Bakit kaya . . . ?

Mas pinili ko na lang manahimik at hintayin na magsabi siya sa akin dahil alam kong may mga bagay na hindi dapat sinasabi sa iba, at kung iyon man ay kagaya ng nararamdaman ni Louen sa pagkakataong ito, handa akong intindihin kung hindi niya ito sabihin sa akin. Nirerespeto ko ang desisyon niya at ang mga susunod niyang gagawin.

Mga ilang minuto lang ay nakarating na kami sa ospital. Medyo malapit lang ang club dito kaya hindi kami nagtagal sa biyahe. Habang papasok, hindi ko naiwasang matakot dahil walang katao-tao sa hallway ng ospital at iilan na lang ang bukas na ilaw, tahimik at malamig pa sa paligid. Lumapit ako kay Louen at humawak sa kanyang braso hanggang sa makarating kami sa silid ni Tabitha.

Pagpasok namin ay natigilan kaming dalawa nang makitang payapang natutulog si Tabi habang nakayuko si Six sa gilid ng kama at hawak ang kamay nito.

“Magsi-CR lang ako,” bulong ni Louen at dahan-dahang naglakad papasok sa banyo.

Nanatili ako sa aking kinatatayuan at tumingin sa gag*. Lumapit ako sa kanya at tiningnan nang malapitan ang kanyang mukha.

“Mukha kang mabait ’pag tulog, ah,” bulong ko at dahan-dahang hinawi ang kanyang buhok. Marupok na kung marupok pero t*ngina, pinatitibok mo pa rin ang puso ko.

I pursed my lips and slowly moved close to his face and touched his nose. Kinurot ko rin ang kanyang pisngi.

“Ano ba’ng ginawa mo sa ’ki—” Hindi ko natapos ang ibinubulong ko nang bigla siyang gumalaw at nagtama ang mga labi namin.

Mabilis pa sa alas-kuwatro akong lumayo at tumayo nang tuwid. Halos tumigil ang pagtibok ng puso ko nang makitang natutulog pa rin siya. Dahan-dahan kong hinawakan ang aking mga labi at tumalikod sa kanya. Sh*t!

Agad akong napalingon nang lumabas ng banyo si Louen. Tila nagbabaga ang mukha ko sa sobrang init. Kahit may air-con ang silid, nagsimula pa rin akong pagpawisan.

“Rie, okay ka lang?” pabulong na tanong ni Louen.

“O-Okay lang ako,” sagot ko.

Tumakbo ako sa banyo at isinara ang pinto. Nanghihina akong napasandal sa likuran nito at tinakpan ang aking mukha gamit ang dalawa kong kamay. Nanginginig ang mga ito at nag-iinit ang mga pisngi ko. Nang humarap ako sa salamin, sinampal ko nang malakas ang aking sarili nang makitang pulang-pula ito.

“Ano ba, Justine! Umayos ka nga!” mahina kong singhal sa aking sarili at pinagkukurot ang sariling hita. “Bakit ka ba kasi lumapit?!”

Naiinis ako sa aking sarili. Ginulo ko ang aking buhok at hindi maiwasang magpapapadyak dahil sa aking katangahan.

“Pasalamat ka tulog, kung hindi—grrr!” I hit my legs out of irritation. “Hindi mo na siya gusto, Justine, hindi na,” bulong ko.

Buong tapang kong binuksan ang pinto, pero pagkabukas ko nito ay mukha niya agad ang bumungad sa akin.

“Ay gusto kit—” Maagap kong tinakpan ang aking bibig. Sh*t ka talaga, Justine. Kung hindi tanga, bobo ka!

“Gusto mo ng alin?” pupungas-pungas na tanong ni Six sa akin, tila kagigising lang at wala pa sa sarili.

“Gusto ko ng balut. ’Yon, gusto ko ng balut,” natatawa kong sambit at nilagpasan siya. Umupo ako sa sofa at pinilit ang aking sarili na matulog dahil hindi ko kayang harapin si Six.

Kapipilit kong magpanggap na tulog, nakatulog nga ako nang tuluyan at nagising na nakaunan ako sa hita ni Six, kaya mukha niya na naman ang bumungad sa akin.

“Ay palaka!” malakas kong sambit at agad tumayo. Parang nahilo pa nga ako nang kaunti dahil sa biglaang pagtayo, ’buti na lang at nakahawak ako agad sa pader.

“Ako palaka? Ang guwapo ko namang palaka kung gano’n,” maloko niyang sambit bago tumayo at inayos ang kanyang damit.

Inirapan ko siya at nilapitan si Louen na pinupunasan si Tabitha habang tahimik itong kumakain ng grapes at nanonood ng TV.

“Rie, puwede ba kayong umuwi sa condo para ikuha ng damit si Tabitha?” mahinhin na tanong ni Louen.

“Oo naman. Ako na’ng kukuha,” tugon ko at inayos ang aking maikling buhok.

“Kayong dalawa na ni Six para hindi ka na mamasahe. ’Di ba, Six?” tanong ni Louen kay Six.

Ngumiti si Six sa kanya bago tumango na parang bata. “Oo, tama,” he said. I rolled my eyes at him.

“Kaya ko naman mag-isa,” bulong ko, pero hindi nila ako narinig. Naglakad na ako papunta sa pinto at nilingon siya. Nakakainis ’pag nakangiti siya. “Tara na!” sambit ko at lumabas na ng pinto. Naglakad ako nang mabilis at nauna akong nakapunta sa parking lot kaysa sa kanya.

“Nagmamadali ka ba?” tanong niya, tila maganda ang mood. Tss.

“Hindi!” pilosopo kong sagot at agad sumakay sa sasakyan nang buksan niya ito. Nakita ko ang pagtawa niya dahil sa sagot ko bago siya umikot at sumakay sa driver’s seat. Nang mapansin kong lalapit sana siya sa akin, agad kong kinuha ang seat belt at inunahan siyang ikabit ito.

“Hindi ito isang romance movie na kailangan mong ikabit ang seat belt ko. Nakakadiri,” sambit ko.

He chuckled and leaned closer. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang tumapat ang mukha niya sa akin.

“At hindi rin ito comedy show para maging tanga ka at hindi i-lock ang pinto,” he said and laughed so loud.

Hindi nawala ang panlalaki ng mga mata ko dahil sa sinabi niya. Sh*t! Nakakahiya! Ang tanga mo talaga, Justine.

Nagpatuloy siya sa pagtawa at pinaandar na ang makina ng sasakyan.

Nakarating kami sa condo niya nang hindi ko siya pinapansin, dahil sa tuwing titingin siya sa akin ay tumatawa siya.

“Hindi ka titigil?!” naiinis kong sambit at ibinato sa kanya ang unan na nasa sofa. Sinalo niya ito at hindi tumigil sa pagtawa. Wala akong choice kung hindi pabayaan siya at hindi pansinin. Tumuloy ako sa kuwarto nina Louen at nagbaon ng ilang damit para sa kanila ni Tabitha.

Matapos kong maayos ang lahat ng kailangan dalhin sa ospital, lumabas at lumipat ako sa kabilang kuwarto para kumuha na rin ng damit ko. Nagpalit na rin ako ng damit. Kumuha ako ng isang simpleng white tank top and black high waisted shorts. Habang nagpapalit ako, biglang bumukas ang pinto kaya agad kong tinakpan ang aking dibdib.

“Ahh! Bastos!” Mabilis na isinara muli ni Six ang pinto, kaya nagmamadali akong sinuot ang aking damit bago lumabas at ibinato sa kanya ang bag ko. “Bastos ka!” sigaw ko. Sinalo niya ang bag ko.

“Anong bastos? Hindi ko alam na nasa loob ka. At isa pa, kuwarto ko ’yon!” sagot niya. Hinabol ko siya at nagpaikot-ikot kami sa loob ng living room ng condo unit niya. “At isa pa, wala naman akong nakita—flat naman!”

Mas lalo akong nainis. “Ahh! Papatayin kita!” sigaw ko.

Susugurin ko na sana siya gamit ang walis nang biglang tumunog ang phone ko. Binuksan at tiningnan ko ang tumatawag pero napakunot ang noo ko nang makitang unregistered number ito. Pero kahit na gano’n ay sinagot ko ito.

“Hello?”

“Ahm, Erille. It’s me, Jackson.”

Natigilan ako nang marinig ang boses ni Jackson sa kabilang linya. Teka, paanong —

“Paano mo nalaman ang number ko?” kunot-noo kong tanong.

Tumayo nang maayos si Six dahil sa sinabi ko. “Sino ’yan?” tanong niya, pero imbes na sagutin ko siya ay tumalikod ako.

“I asked Miss Cherille about it. Sorry I didn’t ask permission from you, but I really like you. I’m serious.”

Ibinigay ni Mamu!

“Are you mad?” he asked.

Nagulat ako nang bilang tumabi sa akin si Six at pilit nakinig.

“Hindi naman ako galit.” Sinubukan kong itulak si Six pero hinila niya ang aking baywang papalapit sa kanya kaya hindi ako nakalayo.

“I’m glad you’re not mad. Actually, I called to ask you for dinner tonight before you go to work. What do you think?” he asked so gently and sweetly. Sino naman ako para tanggihan siya, hindi ba?

“Ahm . . .” Tiningnan ako ni Six kaya buong tapang akong sumagot. “. . . sure,” sagot ko at itinulak palayo ang mukha ni Six.

“Great! I’ll see you later.” Bakas sa tono ng boses ni Jackson mula sa kabilang linya na masaya siya. Ang cute niya kaya hindi ko naiwasang mapangiti, pero agad iyong nawala nang kunot-noo akong tinitigan ni Six.

“O, problema mo?!” I hissed at him.

He stepped closer to me. “Sino ’yon?” seryoso niyang tanong.

“Hindi mo kilala. Shoo!” I said and turned my back at him.

“Saan mo nakilala?” sunod niyang tanong sa akin.

“Sa club . . .”

‘I mean, sa labas ng club, sa karinderya,’ dugtong ko sa aking isip.

“’Wag kang pupunta . . .”

Natigilan ako dahil sa kanyang sinabi. “Bakit naman?”

Nakasimangot niya akong tiningnan. “Hindi matinong lalaki ’yon.”

“Paano mo naman nasabi?”

Naglakad siya papalapit sa pinto at binuhat ang lahat ng bag namin bago ako sinagot.

“Basta, hindi ka pupunta!” sagot niya na ikinagulat ko. Ang lakas kasi ng boses niya.

Sumunod ako palabas ng pinto at hinabol siya. “Selos ka?” mapang-asar kong sambit pero agad niya akong tiningnan.

“Bakit? Gusto ba kita?”

---

LYNUS

“LADIES and gentlemen, welcome to Ninoy Aquino International Airport. Local time is 10:30 a.m. and the temperature is 29°C. Please check your personal belongings. Please be careful when opening the overhead bins as heavy articles may have shifted around during the flight. On behalf of Philippine Airlines and the entire crew, I’d like to thank you for joining us on this trip and we are looking forward to seeing you on board again in the near future. Have a nice stay!”

I slowly opened my eyes. We waited for the plane to finally land.

“Welcome back to the Philippines, sir. Thank you for trusting our airline.”

I nodded at the flight attendant and smiled before I looked outside the plane.

“I’m back again,” I whispered.

Chapter 28

ENOUGH

“LYNUS apo, y-you came.”

As soon as I touched my grandmother’s hand, her eyes opened, and she gave me a sweet smile. I leaned down and kissed her forehead.

“Hi,” I whispered and smiled at her.

My heart felt heavy as I stared at her. She lost weight, looking pale and weak.

“I missed you, apo,” she said and smiled at me. The way she smiled was so genuine.

“How are you feeling?” I asked and caressed her hand.

“I feel weak, apo. I think you are all I need to see before I take my rest.”

I shook my head. “No, you’ll recover,” I answered. Watching her in this state felt so depressing.

“There is no use for me to recover, apo, if I’m going to end up here again every month. It’s tiring, apo. I want to rest.”

“No, you’re not. Please, no,” I begged and kissed the back of her hands. My whole body started to feel cold as the fear of leaving consumed me. She tapped my head using her other hand and fixed some strands of my hair.

“Grandma wants to rest now, apo. I’m really tired now.”

“No. Please, stay,” I begged. I pursed my lips and controlled my tears. I shook my head and kept kissing her hands.

“My job here is done, apo. You grew up as a great man, I’m proud of you and I’m contented. Now let Grandma rest,” she whispered as her voice get weaker.

“I still need you, please stay a little longer.” My heart was beating so fast and it made me even weaker. I was starting to lose energy. My tears started falling as I continuously kissed her hand. “Please stay a little longer. Let me be with you a little longer.”

She smiled at me. “Enough, apo. G-Grandma already stayed longer than you think. So now, let me rest.”

She smiled before pulling me close to her, and then she cupped my face and kissed the tip of my nose just like she always did when I was young.

“Be happy, o-okay?” she whispered, slowly closed her eyes, and started to breathe heavily.

“No!” I cried in pain and watched her slowly let go of my hand.

Little by little, I was eaten by a loud silence. My grandma left me.

“Sir?” I quickly opened my eyes when the driver spoke. I wiped my tears and sat properly. “Nandito na po tayo sa ospital.”

I gaze at the window. I’m finally back in Baguio. When my grandma’s funeral ended, I decided to go back because I knew that if I stay there a bit longer, I’d just bury myself in pain and longing for her, the most precious woman in my life—Grandma.

“Thank you,” I uttered, stepped out of the car, and felt the cold breeze of air. I smiled and walked inside the hospital.

“Lynus?!”

I glanced at my back when Doctor Fhara called my name. I smiled at her. “Fhara, how are you?” I asked gladly.

“Bakit nandito ka na agad? ’Kala ko ba two months ang leave mo?” she confusedly asked.

“My grandma died as soon as I arrived there. The funeral just took three days, so I came back here,” I said while smiling, but it turned out that it was the most painful smile I could show to other people.

“I’m sorry,” she said and avoided my gaze.

I chuckled. “No, it’s fine. By the way, how’s Tabi? Is she feeling well? Any good results?” I suddenly missed Tabitha.

“Ahm—how do I say this? Sh*t!”

I tilted my head to look at her as she kept cursing and scratching her hair like she was hesitating about something.

“Fhara? What is it?” I asked.

She looked at me and took a deep breath. “You know I can’t lie to you, right?”

What does she mean?

“What?”

“Tabitha had a mild stroke a few days ago, and we couldn’t proceed to blood transfusion as the hospital didn’t have enough supply. So they decided to transfer the kid to Manila for her sake. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away. Louen begged me not to tell you,” she explained.

Tabitha needs me!

“I’m moving to Manila.” I went outside the hospital and drove my way back to Manila.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Louen?”

---

LOUEN

“TABI, say aah,” sambit ko at sinubuan si Tabitha ng strawberry.

“Yummy, Mommy,” she cheerfully said while watching TV. Wala pa rin hanggang sa pagkakataong ito sina Erille at Six kaya prutas muna ang ipinakain ko kay Tabi. Hindi ako makabili sa labas dahil hindi ko siya puwedeng iwan.

“Gom se-mari-ga, Han ji-be isseo, Appa gom, omma gom, ae-gi gom, Appa go-meun tung tung hae, omma go-meun nal-shin-hae, Ae-gi go-meun neo-moo ki-yeo-wo, Eu-sseuk, eu-sseuk, jal-han-da,” pauit-ulit na ’yan ang pinanonood ni Tabi sa TV kaya halos masaulo niya na ito kahit Korean language ito.

I continued feeding her until she finished the whole bowl of strawberries. “Ang galing, Tabi, ah,” I said and showed her the empty bowl. She smiled and danced lightly while she kept singing. I smiled at her and went to the sink in the bathroom to wash the bowl and put it on the table near the TV.

Suddenly, I heard the door open.

“Lynus?” I uttered as I glanced at the door.

“Dada!”

He quickly walked toward Tabitha and hugged her. “Do you feel any ouchie ?” he asked her, bakas sa mukha ang pag-aalala.

Pero bakit nandito na siya agad? I thought he would be gone for two months.

“I’m sorry Dada wasn’t there when you feel ouchie . Don’t worry, I’ll be here now,” he whispered. He cupped Tabi’s face and kissed her head.

“Lynus, kailan ka nakabalik?” kuha ko sa atensiyon niya.

He looked at me with a serious face. “Why didn’t you tell me about this, Louen?” he calmly asked, but I could hear a bit of frustration in his voice.

I let out a deep breath before I speak. “Ayaw ko kasing masira ang oras na kasama mo ang lola mo kaya hindi ko sinabi,” I answered and avoided his gaze.

Lumapit naman siya sa akin at hinawakan ang aking kamay. “You know how much I care about Tabi’s condition, Louen. You should have told me so I can do something for Tabi.” His touch was filled with assurance and comfort, but I saw pain and sadness in his eyes.

“How’s your grandmother?”

Tiningnan niya lang ako at hindi ako sinagot. Pero agad ko rin napagtanto ang lahat nang tumulo ang luha niya, dahilan para agad ko siyang yakapin.

“She’s gone,” he weakly whispered. Niyakap niya rin ako nang sobrang higpit at isiniksik ang kayang mukha sa aking leeg habang patuloy siyang lumuluha. I rubbed his back and just let him cry on my arms.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” I said.

Tiningnan ko si Tabi habang yakap ko si Lynus. Agad kong napansin ang paglaho ng ngiti sa kanyang mga labi at dahan-dahan niyang hinawakan ang kanyang ulo. I slowly pushed Lynus and looked at Tabi.

“M-Mommy, ouchie .” At first, it was a whisper, but she suddenly cried out loud. “ Ouchie , Mommy!“

Mabilis siyang nilapitan ni Lynus at agad tumawag ng assistance sa mga nurse. Pagdating ng mga nurse at doktor, agad nilang tiningnan ang kalagayan ni Tabitha.

“Sir, pwede ho bang lumabas muna kayo,” sambit ng isang nurse kay Lynus.

“I’m her doctor, I know her condition, I can help,” Lynus said.

“Let him, I know him,” ani ng isang doktor. Nagkatinginan sila ni Lynus bago tumango at hinayaan si Lynus.

“Ma’am, kailangan n’yo muna hong lumabas.”

Pinilit kong manatili sa aking puwesto, ngunit pilit akong pinalalabas ng nurse. Malakas ang pagtibok ng aking puso habang papalayo ako nang papalayo sa anak ko palabas ng pintuan.

Tiningnan ako ni Lynus. “I will take care of her, trust me,” he said as the door closed.

Nanghihina akong napasandal sa pader habang sobrang bilis ng pagtibok ng puso ko. I stared at the door and whispered, “I trust you.”

---

ERILLE

“BAKIT? Gusto ba kita?”

I was stunned for a few seconds before I could even smile. “Eh ’di pupunta ako. Wala kang magagawa,” sambit ko at nilagpasan siya.

“Hindi ka pupunta, Erille!” sambit niya. Hinabol niya ako kaya tumakbo ako. “Erille!” sigaw niya.

Tumakbo ako nang sobrang bilis pababa ng hagdan imbes na gumamit ng elevator.

“Erille, ano ba! Bakit ka tumatakbo?!” rinig kong sambit niya habang patuloy ang paghabol niya sa akin.

Maya-maya pa ay nagsimulang tumulo ang luha ko. Bakit ba lagi akong talo pagdating sa kanya?

“Erille!” he shouted.

I gasped and stopped, waiting for him to stand behind me. This is enough!

“Erille, bakit ka ba biglang tumatak—”

I faced him, grabbed his shirt, and kissed him with all my heart. I kissed him like this was the last. I reached for him, which I’d never done before. I was tired of hiding my feelings.

I moved away and looked him in the eyes. “Eri—”

“Gusto kita! Oo, gusto kita! Kaya sabihin mo sa ’kin na ayaw mo ’kong papuntahin dahil gusto mo rin ako! Na gusto mo na rin ako!” putol ko sa sasabihin niya.

Lahat ng lakas ng loob na inipon ko sa matagal na panahon ay ibinigay ko na sa pagkakataong ito. Nanlalambot ang buo kong katawan. Hindi ito ang gusto kong mangyari. Sabi ko wala na pero heto ako, lumuluha sa harapan niya.

“Erille . . .” bulong niya sa aking pangalan, tila hindi alam ang isasagot sa akin. Huminga ako nang malalim bago siya tiningnan uli nang deretso sa kanyang mga mata.

“Oo, tama ka, gusto kita dati pa at hindi nawala iyon. Kahit na pinilit kong tanggalin sa isipan ko na gusto kita, hindi ko magawa. Kasi t*ngina, Six, mahal kita!”

Bumuhos ang lahat ng pilit kong itinatagong emosyon at pagmamahal para sa kanya.

“Mahal kita kaya nagagalit ako sa ’yo; mahal kita kaya sinisigawan kita; mahal kita kaya ginagawa ko ang lahat para kunin ang atensiyon mo, kasi laging nakatuon sa malayo ’yan!” Itinuro ko ang kanyang mga mata at muling lumuha. “Hindi kasi ako nakikita ng mga ’yan! Pati nito!” I pointed at his chest. “Hindi ako nakikita nito kahit ano’ng gawin ko. Kaya no’ng umalis ka, sinubukan kitang kalimutan at kung anuman ang nararamdaman ko sa ’yo. Okay na, eh. Pero bigla kang dumating ’tapos ginulo mo uli ako. Ngayon sabihin mo: Gusto mo ba ’ko?” seryoso kong sambit at pinunasan ang aking luha.

“Erille, hindi ko alam,” mahina niyang sambit at umiwas sa aking mga tingin.

Hindi ko napigilang matawa dahil sa sagot niya. I stepped backward and wiped my tears.

“Hindi ko maintindihan ang nararamdaman ko, Erille—hindi ko pa talaga alam. Ayaw kong pumunta ka kasi ayaw kong may ibang lalaki kang kasama bukod sa akin. Ayaw kong may mangyaring masama sa ’yo. Nag-aalala ako sa ’yo pero hindi ko pa talaga alam kung gusto na ba kita. Bigyan mo ’ko ng oras.”

Tumawa ako nang napakalakas dahil sa sinabi niya. “Oras? Ano ’to? Exam? Sabihin mo lang sa ’kin kung hindi o oo ang sagot mo, Six—tapos! Tapos na tayo dito,” sambit ko at patuloy siyang tiningnan. Tila nahihirapan siyang sagutin ang tanong ko.

“Hindi,” he whispered. That’s it.

“Okay,” I uttered. I turned my back to him and ran away.

Tumakbo ako nang napakalayo habang patuloy na tumutulo ang aking mga luha. Nagtago ako sa isang malaking puno sa park. Napaupo ako at pinagpapalo ang aking sarili.

“Ang tanga mo! Ang tanga-tanga mo!”

Inilabas ko ang lahat ng sakit na aking nararamdaman hanggang sa maisipan kong pumunta na ng ospital. Kung makita ko man uli si Six, magpapanggap na lang ako na parang walang nangyari.

---

WHILE walking in the hall of the hospital, I kept on wiping my tears and forcing myself to smile, para hindi mapansin ni Louen na umiyak ako.

Natigilan ako nang makita sa hallway ng ospital na yakap ni Six si Louen. Sobrang bigat nito sa aking dibdib.

Pagkatapos kong sabihin ang nararamdaman ko, ganito ang aabutan ko? I laughed silently and slowly took my step backward.

I turned my back on them and walked away slowly.

“T-Talo na naman tayo.”

---

LOUEN

I WAS shivering while staring at the door. My body was buried in fear every time my Tabi was inside that door.

“Si Erille? Louen, bakit nasa labas ka? Si Tabitha?!” Six arrived and seeing him made me cry. Agad akong tumayo at niyakap siya dahil sa takot.

“Tabi’s not okay,” I whispered.

Niyakap niya ako pabalik at hinagod ang aking likod. “Okay lang si Tabi sa loob. Malakas ’yon, eh,” he said, trying to cheer me up. “Ahm, dumating na ba si Erille?” he asked.

“Hindi pa,” sagot ko at hinarap siya. “Magkasama kayo, hindi ba?” tanong ko, pero iniwasan niya ang tingin ko.

“Umalis siya, eh. May pinuntahan ’ata,” tugon niya.

I noticed something was off with him, but he tried to cover it with a smile.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

I was about to ask him more but the door opened and Lynus showed up. Agad ko siyang nilapitan.

“She’s fine now, don’t worry,” Lynus said and smiled at me. I hugged him and the fear I felt while waiting for him was all gone. “It’s normal for her to feel pain in her head by this time because we are Don’t worry, I will do everything to save Tabitha,” he whispered. He embraced me with the love he always offers, and I wanted to lean on it for now, so I embraced him back.

Naghintay kami bago kami muling payagan pumasok sa loob ng silid. Halos isang oras din bago kami pinapasok. Pinagmasdan ko lang si Tabi na payapang natutulog habang may inayos si Lynus sa office ng head doctor. Nabanggit nito na kilala niya ang doktor kanina kung kaya’t pinayagan siya nitong tumulong kahit na hindi siya doktor sa ospital na ito.

“Ah, Louen, hindi ka pa ba maghahanda sa pagpasok?” tanong ni Six.

Nilingon ko ang orasan, it’s already 6 p.m. Pero parang ayaw kong pumasok at umalis; gusto ko lang manatili sa tabi ng anak ko.

Sa kabilang banda, alam kong ’pag hindi ako pumasok ngayon, mahihirapan kami sa mga susunod na araw dahil ang pera ay mabilis lang maubos. ’Pag naging kontento ako, baka may mangyari na namang masama kay Tabi. Hindi rin naman ako papayag maulit ang nangyari no’ng nakaraan.

So I let out a heavy sigh before I kissed Tabi’s little hands. I stood up and took my bag.

“Siguradong nando’n na si Erille, kaya ’wag mo na siyang hintayin.”

Hindi ko maintindihan ang ipinararating ng tono ng boses ni Six sa pagkakataong ito. Parang may hindi tama.

“Okay ka lang?” tanong ko uli sa kanya.

“Oo naman, okay lang ako. Sige na, pumasok ka na. ’Wag kang mag-alala, ako na’ng bahala kay Tabitha,” he said and pushed me toward the door.

Lumabas ako ng silid at nagsimula nang maglakad.

“Louen? Where are you going?” I was taken aback when Lynus appeared.

“Lynus,” I uttered.

“Where are you going?” he repeated.

“Papasok ako sa trabaho. May trabaho ako ngayon,” kinakabahan kong sambit. I held the strap of my bag.

“Really? Where? Let me drive for you.”

“No, kaya ko na. At isa pa, kailangan ka ni Tabitha dito. Ikaw muna ang bahala sa kanya,” I said and held his hand.

“Okay. Just tell me where are you working.” He held both of my hands and wiped the sweat I had on my forehead.

I couldn’t tell him that I was a stripper. I couldn’t tell him that I was dancing and selling my body because I knew he would not let me do that. I needed to lie this time.

“I’m working as a waitress in a small restaurant—night shift,” I said.

“You don’t really need to work, Louen. I can pay for the—”

“Hindi, tama na ang tulong na ibinigay mo sa ’kin—sobra na ’yon. Hayaan mo muna akong gumawa ng paraan para sa anak ko, Ly.”

“Okay, I understand. I just want to tell you that if you get tired, lean on me, okay?” he said and kissed my forehead.

“I know. Thank you, Lynus.”

Chapter 29

YOUNG NIGHT

AS I entered the club and head straight to the staff room, agad kong hinanap si Erille pero wala siya roon. Kahit ang mga gamit niya ay wala, kaya mabilis akong tumayo at tumuloy sa office ni Ma’am Cherille.

“O, El, bakit hindi ka pa nag-aayos?” bungad niya sa akin pagpasok ko sa loob.

“Itatanong ko lang po sana kung nasaan si Rie,” I said.

“Ah, si Justine? Nagpaalam siya kani-kanina lang. May pupuntahan daw siya kaya hindi siya makakapasok.”

Kumunot ang noo ko dahil doon. Bakit hindi niya ako sinabihan?

“Gano’n po ba? Thank you po,” I uttered and stepped outside her office. I grabbed my phone to call Rie pero hindi niya sinasagot ang tawag ko, so I decided to text her.

       To: Rie

            Where are you? Bakit hindi ka papasok?

I waited for a minute but she didn’t reply, kaya wala sa sarili akong nagbihis.

“El, ikaw na sa stage, bakit nakaupo ka pa d’yan?”

Napatingin ako kay Rona, na kagaya ko ring stripper, nang tawagin niya ako. Napabubuntonghiningang binitiwan ko ang aking cell phone bago tumayo at isinuot ang mask ko. I fixed the brim of my dress and looked at the mirror for a second before I walked out of the staff room.

I was walking toward the stage when someone grabbed my wrist and pulled me through the exit door.

“Teka sandali!” sambit ko at hinarap ito. Hindi!

Agad nagtama ang aming mga mata, at kasabay n’on ay ang pagtibok nang sobrang bilis ng puso ko. Napatingin ako sa itim na Lamborghini sa kanyang likuran.

“You will not dance there, you’re coming with me,” he said and pulled me toward his car, but I grabbed my hand away from him.

“You’re not my boss, so you can’t tell me what to do!” I hissed at him, but he confidently looked at me and gazed at the person behind my back.

Nang lingunin ko ang tinitingnan niya sa likuran ko, agad kong nakita si Ma’am Cherille. “Sige na, El, sumama ka na sa kanya,” she said.

My lips parted and fearlessly faced Leusam. “Hindi ako sasama sa ’yo!” mariin kong sambit, but he pulled me closer to him.

“You choose: dance there and I’ll make everyone inside blind, or come with me and dance for my eyes only?”

What he said made me gulped in fear. Umisip pa ako ng dahilan para magmatigas pero sa huli ay napagtanto kong wala na akong choice. Kaya nauna na akong pumasok sa sasakyan niya at inis na tinanggal ang aking mask. I saw him took my bag from Ma’am Cherille and entered the car. He smirked before he started the engine and handed me my bag. Kinuha ko ito at agad tumingin sa bintana upang iparamdam sa kanya na hindi ko gustong sumama sa kanya.

It just took him fifteen minutes of driving. We arrived at a building and went straight to his penthouse. As I looked around, nothing has changed. It looked the same as the first time I saw it.

Agad siyang bumaba ng sasakyan pagka-park niya nito sa tapat ng kanyang penthouse at pinagbuksan ako ng pinto. Iniabot niya sa akin ang kanyang kamay, pero imbes na tanggapin ko ito, mas pinili kong bumaba mag-isa at tiningnan siya nang masama.

He just smirked at me before he put both of his hands in his pocket and walked inside his penthouse. Hindi ko siya sinundan at nanatili ako sa labas, kaya tumigil siya sa harapan ng pinto. He glanced at me with those calm expression before he spoke.

“Do you want us to do it here?” he said with a playful smile.

I was confused for a while before I realized what he meant. Agad akong naglakad papalapit sa kanya. I couldn’t do anything about him since I had already been paid for this job.

He grinned when I walked passed him and entered his place. He followed and closed the door.

“Welcome back,” he uttered and head straight to the kitchen to offer me some water. Napatingin ako sa dining table kung saan may nakahandang pagkain para sa dalawang tao. “Let’s have some dinner first,” he said and pulled the chair for me.

“First?” I asked and looked at him.

He smirked then asked me to sit. “Let’s eat some dinner first whispered and kissed my ear, which made me shiver.

“Let’s eat,” he uttered as he sat down on his chair. Smiling, he started slicing the steak on his plate, while I didn’t move a muscle and just stared at him.

Why the hell did we meet again? Why do I feel like he’s controlling me with those smiles?

“Why aren’t you eating?” he asked and looked at my plate.

“Eat first,” he answered. Then he put his plate in front of me and sat beside me.

“I don’t want to eat,” I firmly said.

“So tell me: Why did you suddenly disappear?” he asked while chewing the steak and putting some salad on my plate.

I glanced at him. Well,

i

t’s because of you.

“Didn’t I tell you that it’s not your business?” I answered.

“What’s the reason?”

Sa pagkakataong ito ay hindi ko na mapigilang mainis dahil nagkakagulo na ang puso at isip ko dahil sa tanong niya.

“I have this friend, she got pregnant and she doesn’t want anyone to know about her situation except me. She wanted to hide and live peacefully so I helped her. That’s it.” My hands were as cold as ice because of what I said. I looked at Leusam to see his reaction, and he was sarcastically nodding while chewing his food.

“I looked everywhere for you, but finding a person who only gave me two letters of her name was difficult to find. Now tell me, Louen: Why didn’t you tell me your real name?”

I was taken aback when I heard him say my name. Sobrang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko. Naghalo-halo na ang kaba at takot sa aking dibdib dahil doon. Paano niya nalaman ang pangalan ko? Alam niya na ba ang totoong pagkatao ko?

“P-Paano m-mo nalaman?” nauutal kong sambit.

“I heard it from the club’s staff; they call you Louen instead of El,” he seriously said and leaned close to my face. “Am I not trustworthy to know your real name, Louen? Why did you lie to me?”

Parang gusto kong lumubog na lang sa lupa nang sabihin niya ang salitang ‘lie.’ My heart was pounding so fast and I suddenly felt like giving up.

“I-I’m just a stripper, it’s part of my j-job not to tell m-my whole name,” I said.

He grinned and touched my chin. “We both know back then that I wasn’t part of your job anymore, Louen,” he whispered and teased me with those soft kisses on my cheek.

“You are . . .” sagot ko pagkalayo niya sa akin.

He looked at me and moved away. “Fine. Show me how you work later,” he said and resumed eating.

His mood suddenly changed and the atmosphere around us suddenly felt scary and gloomy. After a while, he stood up and walked upstairs. He stopped in the middle of the staircase and looked at me.

“Go upstairs when you’re ready . . . to work !” He emphasized the word ‘work’ with a mad tone before he headed upstairs and went inside the black door.

Naiwan akong mag-isa at nang subukan kong tumayo, hindi ko naiwasang mapahawak sa lamesa nang biglang nanghina ang mga tuhod ko. Huminga ako nang malalim at tiningnan ang buong paligid ng bahay. I couldn’t find any wedding photo or any picture of a woman around the place. I gathered all much strength before I decided to slowly go upstairs and followed him inside the door. Halos mapatalon ang puso ko nang maramdaman ko ang tensiyon, just like what I felt when the first time I stepped in front of this door.

“You are paid to do this, Louen. Isipin mong ibang customer lang siya,” I whispered to myself.

As I opened the door, my eyes met his gaze. He was seated at the edge of the bed. The pole and the lights around the room were all set.

“Do your work, Louen,” he said and the music played.

I took a deep breath before slowly closing the door and started dancing.

The place gave a blazing fire inside of me. Suddenly I was under his power. The way he gazed at me made me lose myself.

I swayed my hips down to the pole before I lifted myself up and felt the music into my soul. He never took his eyes off me.

I wrapped my arms around the pole, did an inverted position, and moved down. I finished the whole music and ended up standing straight in front of him. He just stared at me for a second before he started clapping.

“How would I let you dance like that in front of those f*cking worthless people? I should keep you all by myself because we both know that you are mine, Louen.”

Hearing him call my name made me want to pass out. I don’t know, but I could feel affection and admiration for me in his voice.

Stop it, Louen. Stop admiring him. You should avoid him.

“What if I tell you that you should stop dancing in front of those people? Will you obey me?” he asked.

I fearlessly looked at him and held my dress. “You cannot control me. I will dance whenever I want and wherever I want,” I said.

“What if I tell you I can?” he whispered and suddenly held my neck. “I’m done owning you in a sweet way. Let me show you how an alpha owns his prey,” he said. Then he held my neck and abruptly tightened his grip.

I held my breath because of that, but before I could resist, he let go of my neck and moved his hand down to my chest. And in just a glimpse of an eye, I heard my dress ripped into pieces. I didn’t have a chance to look at it because he started kissing my cheeks gently but I could still feel the intense movements he was doing.

He reached for my hand and put both of it at my back; he held it with one hand while his other hand started grabbing my mound. He started massaging it alternately and slowly moved his lips close to mine until he bit my lower lip.

“Ah!” I groaned in pain. I tasted the blood on my lips. He moved so fast and I didn’t notice how he made access to my lips and explored them. He even sucked the blood coming from my wound.

He played with my npple using his finger and I could already feel something wet down there. Fck, Louen! Ganito ka ba kasabik sa kanya?

He devoured me with those sweet, rough kisses, and turned my back on him, still holding both of my hands at my back and making me face the mirror behind the door. I could see my naked body in my reflection in the mirror.

My eyes met his gaze through the mirror; he was like a vampire ready to bite my delicate skin. His stares were so dark and the way he held my body was so territorial like he would not let anyone touch it.

“I craved for you for a long time. Now I have you in my arms, you can never run away again,” he whispered and bit my neck. I groaned in pain and watched him suck it. He slowly moved his hand down and touched the part in between my thighs. “Soaking wet, Louen?”

I moaned when he started playing with my wetness. How could he make so much control over my body? I felt like I could never resist him. This is wrong, Louen.

“Bend down, Louen,” he whispered into my ears before he pushed my back down and let me hold onto the pole. He undressed himself while I watched him. He looked at me like I was a shimmering pearl in the depths of the sea.

I gripped so tight into the pole when he inserted his finger inside of me and started playing with my womanhood, moving it inside and out.

“Hmm . . .” I moaned because of pleasure. Yes, I admit it.

“I can’t control myself anymore, f*ck!” he said, his voice sounding like gasping for air. He unbuckled his belt and let out the thing he was hiding. “I might not control myself this time, Louen. I waited for five years to taste this once again, now let me embrace it and devour you,” he said and penetrated me with his big, hard thing.

Sobrang higpit ng pagkakahawak ko sa pole dahil sa sobrang sakit. Tears were falling from my eyes because of the pain he had given.

“Ugh! F*cking tight,” he groaned as he thrust deeper.

I was crying in pain when he leaned down and hugged me from my back. He embraced me with comfort and gentleness.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered so sweetly and kissed my cheeks.

I bit my lower lip when he started moving. He was moving so gently. He did a lot of effort for me to feel less pain. He embraced me while thrusting. When he started to feel that my body was adjusting to his length, he held one of my hands and stood up. He started thrusting faster until the pain turned into a wild pleasure.

“Hmm . . . ahh . . .” I started moaning in pleasure. This position really hit my G-sp*t. I could feel the intense feeling building up as he kept thrusting deeper. I could feel butterflies inside my stomach as he looked at me through the mirror while our body was making loud noises together.

He moved aggressively when we both started to lose ourselves because of the heat between us.

“I waited for you,” he whispered and kept thrusting deeper. “When I came back, the first thing I looked for is your smile, but you disappeared. F*ck!”

I couldn’t understand what he was saying because I was losing my mind because of pleasure.

“Ahh . . .” I moaned.

“Tell me you’re not leaving again, Louen. Tell me that you are mine,” he uttered when we were both near reaching our climax.

“Ahh . . . L-Leusam . . .” I moaned his name and didn’t answer him. He thrust even deeper and harder, making me lose my mind even more.

“Tell me, Louen,” he said with authority and teased me with a slow thrust.

“Y-Yes,” I answered, “I’m yours.”

And with that, he went back to thrusting harder and deeper. It was starting to build something inside of me.

“Ah!”

“F*ck!”

“I’m c*mming, Leusam!” He moved aggressively and thrust even more. I could nearly lose my sight because of the overflowing pleasure. “Leusam!” I moaned his name, and we both reached the seventh sea.

He instantly pulled me to stand straight while my knees weakened. I rested my whole body on his chest and suddenly felt sleepy and tired.

“Don’t sleep yet, my love. The night is still young.”

Chapter 30

FEAR

“LEUSAM . . .” I softly whispered. My lips touched Leusam’s ear. I wrapped my arms around his neck and breathed heavily.

“F*ck!” I could feel his warm breath against my chest as he looked down and pushed deeper. He touched my waist and caressed it while guiding it to meet his thrust . He reached for my right hand with his and put it into his face. He wanted me to touch his face while he was thrusting and pounding me deeper. He looked into my eyes with intense pleasure.

“Leusam, faster,” I begged and hid my face in his neck. I met every thrust he gave to help him reach our climax.

He was rocking the bed with his hard thrust. We were both drowning in pleasure. I could clearly see and feel some beads of sweat dripping from our bodies.

When my eyes gazed at him, I could see how wet his dark black hair was because of all the sweat his body produced. Leusam was panting so hard but he never forgot to hold my hand and put it into his face. I could never imagine nor count how many times I c*m.

“Still f*cking tight.”

I arched my back as I could, nearing my climax again. I gripped on his nape as he pushed deeper inside.

“Ahh!” I moaned so loud when he started hitting where it felt good. Leusam moved like he memorized my body more than I did. He could make me do things that my brain refuses to do. He had control of me. His touch was hypnotizing that with just one touch, he could make me go crazy over him.

I grabbed him into a tight hug while desperately gasping for air.

“Almost there,” he whispered, groaning, and buried his face into my neck. I could feel the intense pleasure below my stomach as he pounded faster and deeper.

“Leusam, I’m c-c*mming, ah . . .”

His thrust became more aggressive and powerful. My knees were shaking but I managed to move my hips against his thrust. We were both losing our minds. He intertwined our hands and gently caressed it, making me feel his softness against his fired-up presence in bed.

“Leusam!” I cried out when I felt the warm orgsm through me. Leusam filled my womb with his cm. He fell off above my body as we gasped for air.

“You’re so warm,” I heard him whisper as he hugged me. I weakly opened my eyes and gazed at the window where I could see a glimpse of light from the outside.

I sighed and closed my eyes again. He moved and lay down beside me.

“Can you not work for those men and just stay with me instead?” he murmured as he kissed my cheek. Puno ng emosyon ang halik na kanyang iginawad sa aking pisngi, tila ipinararamdam kung gaano ako kahalaga sa kanya.

His kiss moved from my cheeks up to my eyes, down to the tip of my nose, and to my lips. I felt totally exhausted. I could not stop myself from falling asleep and didn’t answer him.

---

I WOKE up in Leusam’s arms with his eyes laid on me. He was stroking some strands of my hair, and his warm and bright smile flashed into my eyes.

“Good morning.”

His voice was like a morning call that I could listen to every time I woke up, but I knew this was not right.

I stood up, wrapped the blanket around my body, and avoided his gaze.

“My job is done,” I uttered. I quickly grabbed my dress and underwear. My dress was ripped off and I knew I couldn’t wear this outside. I grabbed his shirt instead and started dressing.

“Can’t you feel that I’m fcking sincere of having you around, Louen?” he said, parang pagod na pagod na siyang ipaintindi sa akin iyon. I stopped and stared at him. “Why are you always running away from me? I don’t want you to work there anymore because I can fcking give you what you need. I can have you here and I will give you all the money you need just to stay here,” he seriously said.

I could not agree with it because I knew that if I fell into this trap, I could never run away from him anymore.

“I can’t stay with you,” I said.

“Why?”

Hindi ko alam ang isasagot ko sa kanyang tanong kaya hindi ko nagawang magsalita. I just avoided his gaze and that made him burst out.

“I f*cking want you all by myself, Louen! Now tell me: Why do you keep on hurting me? Am I that bad to stay with? You know on the first night that I’m into you. We both know that it wasn’t just lust!” he hissed and stood up. He wore his boxer shorts and walked in front of me.

“If I can’t have you with my words, Louen, I’ll just have you in the other way I know,” he whispered and showed me the paper of the club.

Siya ang bumili ng club?

“Hindi mo puwedeng gawin ’to,” I said.

He smirked and sniffed my hair. “I can and I will. So stay with me and I will forget about it,” he said and touched my face with a powerful smile on his face.

Hindi ko puwedeng ilagay sa panganib ang club. Nakita ko kung gaano kaimportante ito kay Erille. But I also didn’t want to get stuck with this man. I just can’t.

I took a deep sigh before I looked him in the eyes. “Fine. I won’t dance there anymore, just promise me you will not do anything to the club,” I said.

He smirked before he kissed me on my lips. “Good girl,” he whispered before he walked away and threw the papers in the trashbin near his bed. “Let’s have some breakfast outside.”

His mood changed into a sweet and warm one. Parang ibang Leusam na naman ang kaharap ko sa pagkakataong ito.

Huminga ako nang malalim at sumunod sa kanya palabas ng pinto. He reached for my hand and kissed it before we walked out of his room.

My brows furrowed when I saw breakfast was served on the table already.

“I did this for you,” he answered my mind’s question and smiled at me.

As I sat in front of him and looked at his face, Tabi’s face flashed into my mind.

“Let’s ea—”

Hindi ko siya pinatapos magsalita at agad tumayo. “I need to go,” I said in a desperate tone. I felt something bad when I remembered my daughter. Baka ano na ang nangyari sa kanya sa ospital.

“Where are you going?” he asked, confused.

“Somewhere. I’ll be back later, I promise.” My answer confused him even more, that’s why I quickly thought of an excuse. “I need to go home and help my friend. I’ll promise to be back here before 6 p.m.”

He still looked confused but he nodded. “Okay. If that’s important, let me drive you—”

“No. Kaya ko naman, eh,” I said and started walking through the main door. I wore my heels and grabbed my bag from the couch.

“No, let me dri—”

Hindi niya natapos ang sasabihin niya nang biglang tumunog ang phone niya. He sighed and answered it.

“I’ll be back, promise,” I said, quickly opened the door, and made my way out of the building.

Mabilis akong pumara ng taxi at saka sumakay. “Manong, sa ospital ho,” I said and looked into my phone, dialed Six’s number but he was not answering me. So I called Rie, hoping that she was already there.

After a few rings, she answered my call. “Louen, bakit?” tanong niya mula sa kabilang linya.

“Where are you?” I asked.

Then I heard Tabi’s giggle kaya alam ko na ang isasagot ni Erille.

“Nasa ospital, kasama ko si Tabitha,” she said in a bright tone. Nakahinga ako nang maluwag dahil doon.

“Okay, parating na ’ko d’yan.”

I rested my head and closed my eyes. My body was still aching. Leusam really knew how young the night was last night, he really seized it.

“How can I run away now?” I whispered.

---

LEUSAM

“ALRIGHT, settle it all today. I’ll be late. Thank you, Sab.” I ended the call with my gaze still at the door. Why is she rushing?

I licked my lips, slid my phone into my pocket, and grabbed my car keys. I drove my car out of the building and followed the taxi that Louen rode.

“Where are you going, Louen?”

---

LOUEN

BUMABA ako ng taxi at agad pumasok sa loob ng ospital. Dere-deretso akong naglakad papunta sa room ni Tabitha.

When I was near the room, I stopped when I saw it open. I gasped in fear when I didn’t see anybody inside the room.

“Where are they?” I asked.

Tuluyan akong pumasok sa loob at tiningnan ang banyo pero wala si Tabitha roon. I was about to stepped out of the room nang magkasalubong kami ni Erille.

“Ay palaka!” Erille said. When I looked at her, I saw two paper bags from the fast-food outside the hospital. “El, nandito ka na pala. Kumuha lang ako ng in-order ko sa labas para sa almusal natin nina Tabi,” she said, but I just remained staring at her.

“Where is Tabitha?” I asked. Her eyes suddenly widened and looked at the bed.

“Iniwan ko lang siya saglit dito!” she said, and that’s when I panicked.

“Tabitha!” I shouted. Erille let go of the food and we both ran around the hospital.

---

LEUSAM

“WHY the hell would you go to the hospital, Louen? Are you sick?” I whispered and started to feel worried about her. When I watched her step out of that taxi and head inside the hospital, I knew something wasn’t right.

I took a deep breath before I parked my car, stepped out of it, and entered the hospital lobby.

“Where did she go?” I uttered and looked around.

I was about to take my step when someone bumped into me.

“ Ouchie! “

---

LOUEN

“TABI!” I was running around panting, and sweat was all over my forehead, wondering if my Tabi was okay.

I was filled with fear. My heart was beating too fast that I could almost hear it beating. I didn’t know where to look anymore. I was too desperate to see Tabi that time.

“Tabitha!” I ran to the lobby of the hospital and saw her looking at the kid with a Barbie balloon. “Tab—”

I saw her run and bumped into someone. And my heart stopped beating when I recognized who my daughter bumped into.

It was like my whole world stopped as my body froze. I watched him face my daughter, held her arms, and kneeled in front of her.

“Tabitha . . .” I whispered. I saw her panting, but I couldn’t move to attend to her.

Unexpectedly, she looked at my direction and shouted . . .

“Mommy!”

Chapter 31

PREMISES

“MOMMY!”

Halos tumigil din sa pag-ikot ang mundo ko nang magtama ang aming mga mata ng lalaking ito.

He slowly stood up and held Tabi’s little hand. My whole body was wobbling inside out because of this intense situation. Wala na akong takas sa pagkakataong ito.

Nagsimulang mangilid ang aking mga luha habang pinagmamasdan silang dalawa na magkasama.

“Louen?” I heard Leusam call my name, sending shivers down my spine. I was really in a situation where I couldn’t think of ways to avoid this.

“L-Leusa—”

“Tabitha, anak ko!”

Agad akong napalingon nang may sumigaw sa aking likuran. It was Erille, running toward my daughter and hugged her so tight.

“Mommy?” Tabitha uttered while her gaze was on me.

Erille carried Tabitha and kissed her forehead in front of Leusam.

“Maraming salamat po at nahanap n’yo ang anak ko,” Erille said hysterically which made Leusam look around the lobby because they were starting to catch the attention of other people.

Tabitha kept looking at me. I took the chance to nod at her, telling her that she should go with Tata. She nodded and sniffed a little. My heart was pounding so fast, causing me to feel dizzy.

“Maraming salamat po talaga. Hay! Paano ko po ba kayo masusuklian?” Erille’s voice was so loud, even her cries.

“No, it’s fine,” naiilang na sambit ni Leusam, halatang nahihiya na sa mga tao. “You should go, get her some checkups,” he said.

“Thank you so much po. Anak, tara na,” Erille said and quickly brought Tabitha with her. As they passed beside me, our eyes met. She winked at me unnoticed. I mouthed ‘thank you’ and watched them walk back to Tabi’s room. Tabi waved at me and smiled before they entered the room.

“Louen.”

Agad akong napalingon nang tawagin ni Leusam ang aking pangalan. He held my hand softly. Sobrang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko dahil sa kaba at takot na baka nahalata niya na magkahawig sila ni Tabitha. Please, no.

“Leusam, b-bakit ka nandito?” I was stuttering as I met his gaze.

“That should be my line. Why are you here?” Leusam seriously asked and intensely stared at me. T

“My friend’s daughter is sick,” I said and avoided his gaze.

“Don’t tell me that kid and that woman were the people you were talking about?” He moved closer to me.

“Y-Yes.” My hands were quivering, so I put them behind me and tried to smile naturally.

Tumango-tango siya. Naging malumanay na ang boses ni Leusam. Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya at nakitang nakatanaw siya sa direksiyong tinahak nina Erille.

“Sickled cells anemia,” I said.

he sincerely asked as he looked into my eyes.

I bit my lower lip to stop myself from bursting into tears. Hindi na rin ako nakapagsalita at tanging tango na lang ang naisagot ko.

“Okay, don’t worry. . . .” Then he suddenly hugged me. “I’ll try my best to help your friend and her daughter,” he added and kissed my head.

Maya-maya ay tinapik niya ang likod ko at humiwalay na sa yakap nang makatanggap siya ng tawag sa kanyang cell phone. “I’ll see you later. Call me when you need anything,” he said. Tumango naman ako at sinamahan siya palabas ng ospital.

“Mag-ingat ka,” sabi ko bago siya makasakay sa kanyang kotse.

He kissed my forehead. “I like this feeling, so please stay with me,” he said and went inside his car.

Nang makaalis na si Leusam ay bumalik na ako sa kuwarto ni Tabi. Naabutan ko siyang nakikipaglaro kay Erille habang sinusubuan siya nito ng sopas.

Sobrang bigat ng pakiramdam ko habang nakatingin sa kanya. nagawang ipakilala. Tumulo muli ang luha ko dahil sa bigat ng aking nararamdaman.

“Mommy?”

Tabitha noticed my presence. I instantly burst out crying and ran to her. Niyakap ko siya nang sobrang higpit at nagpatuloy lumuha. She tapped my back with her small palm.

“It’s okay, Mommy. Don’t cry, Tabi’s here.” She was doing the same way I comfort her every time she’s crying. She cupped my face and kissed my forehead. “Don’t cry, Mommy. Tabi will protect you.”

Mas lalo lang akong naiyak dahil sa kanyang ginawa. What she was doing just made me feel drowned in my conscience. How could I continue lying to her? Will this precious little thing be mad at me when she finally knows the truth? Will my Tabi leave me?

“Don’t leave Mommy no matter what, Tabi,” I whispered while sobbing really hard.

“Promise,” she said and raised her arms up.

“Don’t do that again, okay? Don’t go anywhere without us,” I said. She nodded and hugged me once again. I hugged her back like there was no tomorrow.

I felt Rie’s hands on my back. “Kung hindi ka pa handa ngayon, nandito lang ako palagi para sa ’yo,” seryoso niyang sambit at niyakap kaming dalawa ni Tabitha.

They are my strength and as long as they are beside me, I can do anything.

---

WHEN 5:30 p.m. hit the clock, I grabbed my bag and looked at Tabi’s cute sleeping chubby face. Nilapitan ko siya at hinalikan sa kanyang noo bago hinarap si Erille.

“Ikaw na muna ang bahala kay Tabitha. Mag-iingat kayo dito,” I said. “Tawagan mo ako ’pag may nangyari.”

She nodded at inihatid ako hanggang sa pinto ng silid. Hindi papasok si Erille sa araw na ito dahil hindi makapupunta si Six para bantayan si Tabi.

“Mag-iingat ka . . . ang puso mo.”

Natigilan ako dahil sa sinabi ni Erille. Hinarap ko siya at tiningnan naman niya ako nang mariin bago huminga nang malalim at saka ngumiti. “Sundin mo ang puso mo,” she added and closed the door.

My brows furrowed. Why should I follow my heart when I know it is the most dangerous thing I could ever do?

The last two times I followed my heart, I ended up changing my life and turning it into something miserable.

Naglakad na ako palabas ng ospital at agad akong natigilan nang makita si Leusam sa labas, leaning on his car. When he glanced at me, he smiled and opened the door for me.

“Have you eaten your dinner already?” he asked as I entered his car. Umiling ako bilang sagot dahil alam ko sa sarili ko na kahit sabihin kong kumain na ako ay pipilitin niya pa rin akong kumain pagdating sa penthouse niya. “Great! I prepared dinner for us at home,” he said and sat properly on the driver’s seat, fixed his seat belt, and started the engine.

Nang paandar na kami paalis, biglang may kumatok na nurse sa bintana ng kotse kaya binuksan niya ito.

“Sorry, sir, nakalimutan n’yo po ang resibo n’yo,” the nurse said and handed him a paper.

Leusam received the receipt and closed the window. He crumpled the paper and put it beside him like it was nothing.

Bakit siya magkakaroon ng resibo galing sa ospital? I got so curious, so I grabbed the receipt and read it. Agad kong nakita ang buong pangalan ni Tabitha, and my heart dropped in fear. Binayaran niya ang lahat ng expenses at magiging expenses ni Tabitha sa ospital? Nalaman niya kaya na ako ang totoong nanay ni Tabitha?

“Binayaran mo lahat?” pagkumpirma ko sa aking nabasa.

“That is the only thing I know to help,” he answered and held my hand. “By the way, that kid’s surname was a bit familiar to me,” he said and started driving.

Dahil doon ay halos manlamig ang buo kong katawan. Pero mas pinili kong hindi na lang siya imikin para hindi na lumalim ang pag-iisip niya tungkol sa apelyido ni Tabitha. He still didn’t know my real name, so there was no way he would learn that Tabi’s my daughter.

Nanahimik lang ako hanggang sa makarating kami sa penthouse niya, at gaya ng kahapon ay kumain muna kami ng mamahaling dinner.

After eating, he took a shower and I did the same thing after him. Nagsuot ako ng Victoria’s Secret night dress at nagpatuyo ng buhok. Naabutan ko siyang nagbabasa ng kung ano sa tablet niya .

He smiled at me and tapped the space in front of him. “Let me dry your hair,” malambing niyang sambit.

Umupo naman ako sa harapan niya nang patalikod. Agad niyang pinunasan ang buhok ko at pinatuyo ito gamit ang blower.

“I can spend my whole day doing this to you,” he cheerfully whispered. I don’t know what’s funny but I chuckled and let him continue what he was doing. I felt safe and calm in this situation.

I closed my eyes and suddenly felt peace. I wanted to rest even just for a second. I wanted to escape the problems in my mind. Kahit ngayon lang . . .

Makalipas ang ilang sandali ay natapos na siyang patuyuin ang buhok ko. Hinalikan niya ang aking balikat bago itinabi ang mga gamit sa side table at niyaya akong humiga.

I asked.

Niyakap niya ako kasabay ng pag-iling. he said and kissed my forehead. “Can we stay like this forever without minding anything that hinders us?” he whispered.

“No, we can’t.”

“Why?” he sadly asked, resting his chin on my head and gently combing my hair using his fingers.

“Because we are not compatible with each other. Langit ka, lupa ako,” I said.

“Don’t you feel something for me, Louen? If you’d ask me, I wanted you to stay with me from the start. I want you even more when you ran away from me without any words,” he said, and moved away to face me. “This might sound cliché, but you got my heart from the first time I saw you dance on that stage.” He was referring to the first night we met—the night he saw me dancing on the club’s main stage.

My heart was beating so fast again. Everything he said was giving me a flashback of how good he was to me and yet I chose to lie to him and ran away with his daughter.

This time, I could feel that the wall I tried so hard to build was starting to break. Please, don’t say you love me.

“Can we give it a try, Louen?” he asked and caressed my cheeks. Iniwasan ko ang kanyang tingin bago umiling at nagsimulang tumulo ang aking luha. “Why?” he asked again.

“Hindi tayo puwede. Hindi tayo bagay para sa isa’t isa. . . .”

“I’m not asking if we’re meant for each other, Louen. I’m asking you if you want to stay with me,” he seriously said and cupped my face.

My tears started to well up in my eyes while looking at him. I can’t stay with you . . . w e can’t be together.

His words hit me. He was right; I tend to be that person who avoids everything, maging problema man ito o pagmamahal.

He wiped my tears. “Let me be with you. . . .” His words made my heart beat faster. “I will treat you well, so put all your worries aside.”

I held his hand in my face and shook my head. “I can’t be trusted, Leusam. . . .” Because I’m a liar. “I don’t deserve to be loved.”

“Sshh. Don’t say that. You are worthy of love, and that’s all that matters.”

What he said shattered the walls I built between us. I could feel his eagerness to win me so he could be in my comfort zone. I couldn’t help but cry due to this overwhelming feeling, causing him to hug me again.

“Louen, stay with me again on the premise of getting married,” he whispered and kissed passionately me in the lips.

My heart overpowered my mind. I kissed him back and we spent the night with love—the love that I was always running away from.

---

KINABUKASAN ay inihatid ako ni Leusam sa ospital at sakto namang dumating ang magandang balita mula kay Lynus na makalalabas na uli si Tabitha dahil naging stable na muli ang nararamdaman niya.

“Welcome home, Tabi,” I said as I let her go inside Six’s condo. Masiglang ngumiti si Tabi bago pumunta sa sofa at nanood ng cartoons, habang kami nina Rie at Six ay nag-ayos ng mga gamit.

I could feel the awkwardness between them but Rie seemed not to care about it. Gano’n pa rin ang pakikitungo niya kay Six, pero si Six ang tila nag-iba ng pakikitungo. I watched him look at Rie with pain and I didn’t know what’s the story behind it.

While folding some clothes, my phone rang. I received a text message from Leusam. Agad akong napatingin kay Tabi dahil doon.

      From: Leusam 

          Can I have you before 4?

Bakit niya ako kailangan before 4?

      To : Leusam

          Why?

      From: Leusam

           Just meet me in the penthouse before 4 p. please. I’ll see you there.

Hindi ko na nagawang mag-reply pa sa kanya dahil wala naman akong magagawa. Pupunta at pupunta pa rin ako sa kanya.

---

“TABI, Mommy will just go to work. Behave ka kina Tata and Toto, ah,” I said while fixing my bag. Naghahanda na ako sa muli naming pagkikita ni Leusam bilang malapit na mag-alas-kuwatro.

“Okay, Mommy,” Tabi answered and winked at me. I giggled and kissed her cheeks before I bid goodbye. The two were still awkward toward each other.

I hope that they are fine.

Quarter to four nang makarating ako sa penthouse ni Leusam. Pagpasok ko sa loob, dalawang long expensive dress ang sumalubong sa akin sa living room. Nakasuot ito sa isang manequin kaya makikita talaga kaagad. Agaw-atensiyon din ang kumikintab nitong tela.

“Choose what you want to wear.”

Nagulat ako nang agad pumulupot ang braso ni Leusam sa aking baywang habang hinakalikan niya ang pisngi ko mula sa likuran.

“Ano’ng meron?” I asked and faced him. He was wearing formal attire. He looked like a duke from England with his navy blue suit.

“You are coming with me to a party tonight, so choose what you want to wear, my love,” he said.

Hindi ko naiwasang mamangha sa ganda ng mga gown. Una kong tiningnan ang tatak at presyo ng mga ito na halos malula ako sa sobrang mahal.

The first gown was a little black dress from a cult classic Givenchy worth P900,000.00—almost P1 million! The other was a one-shoulder mesh gown studded with Swarovski crystals from Armani Prive worth P250,000.00. I would rather wear this than the other one.

Agad kong kinuha ang isang gown at agad nagbihis. Pagkalabas ko ay agad akong sinalubong ni Leusam at hinalikan nang napakatamis sa pisngi.

“You look so beautiful that I could lay my eyes on you for the rest of my life,” he whispered before wrapping his arms around my waist as we headed to the party we’d be attending.

---

HIGIT sa magandang kasuotan ko sa gabing ito, mas nalula ako sa mga taong nakasasalamuha ni Leusam. Halos lahat ay mayayaman at nagmamay-ari ng malalaking kompanya. Napakababa tuloy ng confidence ko sa sarili sa pagkakataong ito.

“Drinks, ma’am.”

Napalingon ako nang alukin ako ng drinks ng waiter. I smiled and nodded before I grabbed a glass of wine.

“El, let me introduce you to my friend,” rinig kong sambit ni Leusam at hinila ang baywang ko paharap sa mga kausap niya.

I gasped as I faced them. I suddenly felt a sudden pain in my chest when I met the gaze of one of these men. No way.

“My love, this is my friend, Ashton Del Mundo,” he said.

Yes, I know him. He’s my brother.

Chapter 32

REGRETS

ERILLE

“KANINA ka pa ba nandito?” agad kong tanong kay Jackson pagkaupo ko sa kanyang harapan. Nag-text siya kaninang umaga na magkita raw kami nang gabing ito kaya iniwan ko muna si Tabitha kay Six.

“No, I just arrived also. So what do you want to eat?” he answered then smiled at me. Pinanood niya ang bawat galaw ko habang inaayos ko ang buhok at ang bag ko sa aking kandungan.

“Kahit ano . . .” sagot ko naman sa tanong niya, kaya natawa siya.

“I know you would say that,” sambit niya, tila natutuwa sa sitwasyon naming dalawa.

Kunot-noo ko siyang tiningnan bago siya tumawag ng waiter at um-order ng pagkain.

“We would like to have some roasted chicken and lasagna, garlic salmon, sweet and sour fillet, and two iced tea. Would you like some desserts, Erille?”

Agad akong umiling nang tanungin niya ako. Nakita ko kung paano ako tingnan ng waitress; she looked at me from head to toe.

“That would be all. Thank you,” Jackson said. Nginitian siya ng babae bago umalis at inirapan pa ako. “I’m glad and lucky to spend time with you tonight. This means a lot to me, Erille.”

Hindi ko alam pero napakamabulaklak niyang magsalita at tila nais niyang haplusin ang puso ko sa sobrang tamis.

“Ano ba ’yong gusto mong sabihin?” pag-iiba ko ng usapan dahil pumunta lang naman talaga ako rito dahil sabi niya may importante siyang sasabihin.

“Yeah,” he said and sat properly, fixed his shirt, and looked me in the eyes. “You know that I’ve been admiring you for the past five years and I waited for you. I know it’s crazy if I said that I really like—no—love you, so I would like to propose a condition for the both of us,” seryoso niyang sambit. Hinintay ko ang sunod niyang sasabihin kaso hindi niya ito nasabi agad dahil dumating na ang pagkain namin.

Nakaramdam ako ng kaunting kaba sa sunod na sasabihin ni Jackson, pero pinilit kong ikalma ang aking sarili. Matapos maihain ang lahat ng pagkain, nagsimulang tumibok ang puso ko sa kaba dahil sa kanya.

He smiled before he reached for my hand. Hinawakan niya ito nang napakalambing at tila inaalagaan niya ako kung haplusin niya ang aking palad.

“I’ll be moving to Australia next week, I want you to come with me. You can continue your study there,” he seriously said. “I know you don’t have any single feelings for me right now, but trust my feelings for you. I will do anything for you, so please come with me.”

My heart was pounding so loud. Makapag-aaral ako uli? Pero paano sina Louen? Si Tabitha? I can’t leave them.

“Hindi ako puwedeng umalis, kailangan ako nina Louen at Tabitha,” mahina kong sambit. He caressed my hand before he made me look him.

“I’ll give you time to think about it. I know this is really unusual, but I’m dead serious and I’m true to my words. I know you’ll learn to love me, you’ll achieve your dreams there, and will build a better you. I’ll be contented because you’re with me, Erille. This time I want you to think about yourself first before anybody else,” he gently whispered, kissed the back of my hand, and slowly let it go, then we started eating. “Sometimes it’s good to be selfish,” he said.

Nanatili akong tahimik dahil sa kanyang sinabi at tila nagulo nito ang buong isip ko. I knew to myself that I badly want to study but I couldn’t leave Louen, Tabi, and Six. It’s all out of the picture, I never imagined leaving.

We continued eating, and Jackson never lost something to say. Every word he said was filled with feelings and true happiness. Parang walang problema ang tono ng kanyang boses na tila nagpapakalma sa akin at nagpaparamdam ng magaan na buhay. Being with him felt so light and calm.

“Ahm, Jackson, may dumi ka sa pisngi,” sambit ko nang magkaroon siya ng sauce sa kanyang pisngi.

“Where? Here?” sambit niya at hinawakan ang kabilang pisngi.

“Hindi, sa kabila,” sagot ko at inabutan siya ng issue. He nodded and got it before he wiped his cheek. Pagkatapos niyang punasan ito ay may natirang piraso ng tissue sa labi niya na naging dahilan para magkaroon siya ng parang bigote kaya hindi ko napigilang tumawa.

“Why are you laughing?” he confusedly asked. Tawa ako nang tawa bago tumayo at ako na mismo ang nagtanggal nito sa kanyang mukha.

“Bagay pala sa ’yo may bigote,” biro ko pagbalik ko sa pag-upo.

“Really? Should I have one?” inosente niyang sagot kaya mas lalo akong natawa.

“Biro lang,” sagot ko. He also laughed with me because of that. We just continued talking about some funny stuff. When we finished our dinner, Jackson drove me home.

“Salamat, ah,” sambit ko habang tinatanggal ang seat belt.

“I love you.”

Natigilan ako nang sabihin niya iyon. Tiningnan ko siya. Nginitian niya lang ako at tinulungan sa pagtanggal ng seat belt.

“Have a good night,” he whispered before he leaned closer and kissed my cheeks gently.

Hindi ako nakaimik kung kaya’t tumango na lang ako bilang sagot bago binuksan ang pinto ng sasakyan at tuluyang bumaba.

“I’ll wait for your answer, Erille,” he said before I closed the door and watched him leave.

Huminga ako nang malalim bago tuluyang pumasok sa loob ng condominium building at dumeretso sa unit ni Six. Pagpasok ko ay naabutan ko siyang pinanonood na matulog si Tabitha sa kuwarto.

Pumasok ako sa silid niya para magpalit at maligo. I just took a five-minute shower and as I stepped out of the bathroom, may napansin akong papel sa ilalim ng kama ni Six kaya agad ko itong nilapitan at inabot. Isa itong larawan ni Louen, bagong kuha lang ito dahil mahaba na ang buhok ni Louen dito. Nakaramdam ako ng kirot sa aking puso dahil sa realization na hindi naman totoo ang sinabi niya na naka-move on na siya kay Louen. Kung maghihintay ako sa kanya, pakiramdam ko’y wala lang din akong hinihintay dahil nakatingin pa rin siya sa malayo.

Lumabas ako ng silid at naabutan siyang kalalabas lang ng kuwarto ni Louen. Nagtagpo ang aming mga tingin. Hinintay kong magsalita siya pero imbes na magsalita ay iniwasan niya ang tingin ko.

Mas lalong nanikip ang aking dibdib dahil doon. Napabuntonghininga ako bago siya nilagpasan at pumunta sa kusina para uminom.

Habang umiinom ay tumunog ang cell phone ko. Tumatawag si Mama. Kahit na ayaw ko ay sinagot ko ito.

“Hello, Ma?” sambit ko.

“Wala kang kuwentang anak, Justine! Pagkatapos ka naming buhayin!” malakas na sigaw ni Mama mula sa kabilang linya kaya natigilan ako.

“Ma, hindi ho ba nagtatrabaho na ang isa n’yong anak? Bakit sa akin pa rin ho kayo umaasa? May buhay ako rito at may pinagdaraanan din ho ako,” nanghihina kong sambit. Parang lahat ng stress at problema ko sa buhay ay biglang bumugso dahil sa aking mama.

“Hindi makahanap ng trabaho ang anak ko dito kaya kailangan namin ng pera para makaluwas siya sa Manila at mag-aral uli ng gusto niya talagang kurso,” sambit ni Mama sa kabilang linya.

“Ano ho? Mag-aaral uli para sa gustong kurso? Hindi ho ba nakapagtapos na siya sa kursong gusto niya?” naguguluhan kong tanong.

“May panibago siyang gusto kaya kailangan niya ng pera. Bumawi ka naman at tulungan ang kapatid mo.”

I took a deep sigh because of it. Pagod na akong isipin at sundin na lang palagi ang gusto ng iba.

Ginusto kong makapagtapos pero dahil sa kakapusan ng pera, isinakripisyo ko iyon. ’Tapos ’yong anak niyang iyon, mag-aaral muli dahil gusto lang nito? Hindi ba’t ang unfair naman n’on? Ako ang magpapaaral samantalang ako ang hindi nakapagtapos.

“Ma, hindi ho ba puwedeng magtrabaho ’yang anak n’yo para may pampaaral siya sa sarili niya? Kasi ho ako, hindi ho ako nakapag—” Hindi ko natapos ang sasabihin ko dahil biglang sumigaw si Mama.

“Wala kang kuwenta, Justine! Kung ayaw mong tulungan ang kapatid mo, kalimutan mo na rin na may magulang ka!” sigaw nito at binabaan ako ng tawag.

I just sighed out of frustration. My tears started falling. Nakaramdam ako ng matinding pagod na isipin ang kapakanan ng iba kaysa sa aking sarili. Siguro nga tama si Jackson: baka puwedeng ako naman sa pagkakataong ito.

Pumasok ako sa silid ni Six at naabutan siyang inilipat si Tabitha sa kama niya. Lumapit ako sa kabilang side ng kama at tumabi kay Tabitha.

“Bakit ka umiiyak?” tanong ni Six pero hindi ako nagsalita. Niyakap ko si Tabitha at tahimik na ipinikit ang aking mga mata.

I’m so tired of all of this.

Pagod na akong magbigay nang magbigay habang wala akong natatanggap para sa sarili ko. Pagod na rin akong magmahal lang nang magmahal.

I was hugging Tabitha when I felt the heavy weight on the bed. Alam kong si Six iyon. Nagulat ako nang yakapin niya ako mula sa likuran.

“S-Six,” I whispered at sinubukan tanggalin ang kanyang braso sa aking baywang.

“Please,” he whispered. I felt his warm breath on my nape. Hinayaan ko na lang siyang yakapin ako.

“Six, mahal mo na ba ’ko?” deretso kong tanong habang nananatiling nakapikit ang aking mga mata.

Huminga siya nang malalim at hindi sumagot, kaya alam kong ‘hindi’ ang sagot sa tanong ko. Ngumiti ako habang patuloy na tumutulo ang luha ko.

“Sa tingin mo ba, okay ang maging selfish?” tanong ko.

“If it’s for a person’s good, my answer is yes. It’s okay to be selfish and not care about anything at all,” he said before he hugged me tighter.

I nodded in pain. I just slept in his arms and hugged Tabitha with tears.

My life is so painful.

---

LOUEN

HINDI ko magawang magsalita dahil parang naubusan ako ng hangin sa aking katawan habang pinagmamasdan si Ash. He grown up so well. He’s not even wearing his study glasses anymore.

My tears were teary while staring at him. God, I missed him so much. I wanted to hug him so badly, but I knew I couldn’t.

“Hi, nice to meet you . . . ?”

“E-El,” sagot ko.

He nodded and smiled.

“Nice to meet you, El.”

He didn’t recognize me?

“How’s your dad?” tanong ni Leusam sa kanya.

Agad akong napatingin sa kanya. What happened to Dad?

“Still in the hospital.”

My lips parted as I heard Ash answer.

“What happened to your dad?” lakas-loob kong tanong. Tiningnan nila akong dalawa bago sumagot si Ash.

“My dad had a car accident five years ago. Good thing he survived but he’s been in a coma since then. He just woke up a week ago.”

I covered my mouth because of what I just heard. My heart broke into pieces.

“Good thing your dad is back. Now you can have time to find your lost sister,” Leusam said, making my heart beat so painfully.

All this time, I was hiding my wrath from them for not giving any effort to look for me and bring me back. But knowing the reason why they did it made me want to kill myself. I knew it was all because of me. Daddy was thinking of me.

“How ’bout your mom’s condition?” Leusam asked him.

“She’s doing well now, trying to gain weight again,” he said.

“W-Why?” I asked.

He smiled bitterly and showed me his phone. “This is my mom. She’s my dad’s personal nurse and because of my dad’s condition, she took care of him and didn’t rest until her body gave up. Now she’s also taking meds.”

Hindi ko na kaya. Sobrang bigat na ng nararamdaman ko. I’m sorry . . .

“I hope that you would find your sister sooner,” Leusam said.

Ash nodded. “I’m always praying for that,” he said.

I shed tears already, and before they could see it, I instantly spoke. “Ahm, I need to use the r-restroom,” I uttered and went to the restroom, locked myself inside the cubicle, and cried out silently. I was covering my mouth so hard to control the noise.

My heart was throbbing in pain, and both of my knees weakened. I slowly sat on the floor as I kept controlling my tears. The unfortunate events wouldn’t happen to them if I didn’t become selfish. All I thought about was myself—how they caused me pain, how to be free from them, and making myself happy. I was so busy thinking of myself that I didn’t see how they worked hard for us, how caring they were to me, and how they truly loved each other.

I’m the worst daughter they could ever have.

I cried for almost an hour before I decided to step out and wipe my tears. Kahit na masakit at puno ng lungkot ang aking puso, lumabas ako para harapin si Leusam. Baka hinahanap niya na ako. Isa pa, he’s my safe zone; his touch was my comfort.

I was walking and roaming around to look for him but ended up outside the venue and saw him in the garden.

I was about to go toward him when a woman showed up and kissed him on his lips. I gasped in shock. Seeing him kissing another woman felt like hell.

The women stepped away after that gentle kiss, and that’s when Leusam felt my presence. When our eyes met, my tears suddenly fell. But before he could see me crying, I ran away from them.

“Louen!” I heard him call my name but I ran as fast as I could until I bumped into someone.

“Sorry, I didn’t see yo—Louen?” He held my arm as he looked at me.

“L-Lynus?”

“What happened?” he asked. Maybe he noticed that my face was wet with tears.

“Get those f*cking hands off my woman!” Leusam shouted behind us. I didn’t get to look at him as I didn’t want him to see my tears.

“Jimenez?” Lynus uttered.

“Let go of my woman, Herrera!”

Chapter 33

PAIN

I FELT Leusam’s grip on my waist, pulling me away from Lynus, but Lynus didn’t let go of me.

“Your woman?” Lynus intensely asked and gently tightened his grip on my wrist, trying to pull me closer.

“Yes, my woman!” Leusam said in a powerful tone and in just a snap, I was already in his arms. Lynus was forced to let go of my wrist.

“How come Louen is your woman?” Lynus asked and looked into my eyes.

How did they know each other?

I suddenly feel shocked. Agad pumasok sa isipan ko na baka malaman ni Leusam ang tungkol sa anak ko kaya agad ko siyang itinulak at sinampal nang malakas. That was my chance to run away from him.

“I’m not your woman!” I shouted. Saktong dumating ’yong babaeng kahalikan niya kanina sa garden at hinawakan siya sa kanyang braso. That crushed my heart, but I chose to follow my mind. The only important thing at that time was my chance to run away.

“Louen, it’s a misunderstanding,” Leusam uttered, bakas sa boses ang pagmamakaawa. He looked at me in the eyes and tried to reach for my hand. But before he could ever touch me, Lynus stood in front of me, gently held me at his back, and faced Leusam.

“Back off!” Leusam yelled at him and in just a glimpse of an eye, Leusam punched Lynus, making him fall to the floor.

“Oh my gosh, Timothy!” the women beside him shouted. Agad tumayo si Lynus at binawian si Leusam ng isang malakas na suntok. Hinawakan ko ang kamay ni Lynus para pigilan siya. Pero masyado silang malakas. Lynus continuously punched Leusam, while the latter kept fighting back.

“Stop it!” the woman beside Leusam yelled and hugged him as if she owned him.

“What’s happening here?” Ashton showed up.

I panicked and grabbed Lynus’ wrist, then pulled him away. Tumakbo kami papalayo sa party hanggang sa tumigil kami sa gilid ng kalsada.

“Louen, how come you know him?” bungad na tanong sa akin ni Lynus nang tumigil kami sa pagtakbo. Hinabol ko ang aking paghinga bago siya hinarap. “And why the f*ck he’s owning you as his woman?!”

Lynus was filled with confusion in his face. His lips were bleeding because of the punches he had received. He also had small bruises this time on the side of his brows. Sinubukan kong hawakan ang mukha niya pero pinigilan niya ito at hinawakan ang aking kamay. Deretso niya akong tiningnan sa aking mga mata bago muling nagtanong.

“Louen, what’s your relationship with Jimenez?” he seriously asked, and that question made me cry again.

I sobbed so hard, slowly shook my head, and leaned on his chest. My hands were shaking in fear. Hindi ko alam kung paano ito humantong sa ganito pero ayaw kong magsinungaling kay Lynus.

“H-He’s Tabitha’s f-father.” My voice cracked.

I felt that he was taken aback before he slowly held my arms so he could face me. He chuckled in bitterness. “Wow, I’m speechless. . . .” Bakas sa boses niya ang sakit na mas lalong nagpaiyak sa akin. Lynus slowly let go of my arms and stroke his hair up while smiling in pain. “You said he’s a stranger, Louen,” habol-hininga niyang sambit at pilit iniwasan ang aking mga tingin.

“He was . . .” I answered.

“Liar!”

“He was my fcking stepbrother, Louen! He’s not a fcking stranger to me! Alam mo ba kung gaano kasakit ito?! Do you know how fcking painful it is to witness all of this in one snap, knowing that the woman I love was already marked by my greatest enemy? Ah, fck!” he shouted.

Nanginginig kong tinakpan ang aking mga tainga at nagpatuloy sa pagluha. I didn’t know. Sobrang bigat na ng dibdib ko, hindi ko na alam kung ano ang nararamdaman ko.

“He’s the fcking son of my mom and his husband. I’m just a fcking bstard. He always makes me feel insecure and less of who I am. Pilit ko siyang tinatalo sa lahat ng bagay buong buhay ko, Louen, pero hanggang dito ba naman, siya pa rin ang mananalo? This is bullsht!”

“I didn’t know . . .” I whispered. Sobrang gulong-gulo na ako at kumikirot na ang puso ko sa sobrang sakit. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko.

“This is fcking bullsht! Sht! Sht! Sh*t!” Sobrang lakas ng boses ni Lynus, pati ang pagsuntok niya sa pader ay sobrang lakas din. There was blood already on his fists.

“Please stop, Ly,” I begged. I couldn’t think straight anymore. Sinubukan kong pigilan siya at hawakan ang kamay niya nang bigla niya akong harapin at hawakan nang sobrang higpit ang magkabila kong braso.

“Tell me: Do you love me?!” he asked angrily while still holding me so tight.

“Lynus, y-you’re hurting me—”

He shook my shoulders. “Tell me, Louen: Do you love that f*cking Jimen—”

“Yes! I f*cking love him!” I shouted. I had no choice but to confess since my body hurt already. And I could tell that it worked as he slowly loosened his grip.

“How about me? Do you even love me?” he asked, looking so lost. Pain was evident all over his face. “I thought—”

“Lynus, t-this is not the right ti—”

“You are fcking unfair, Louen. You’re just like my mom, so fcking unfair. You answered so quickly when it’s about him, but when it comes to me, you always hesitate. That is f*cking unfair.

“You know, I gave you everything you need. I loved your daughter, I loved you, but this is how you’ll pay me back? That is so unfair!”

“L-Lynus . . .” I uttered.

“Don’t f*cking call my name again. This is enough, you can never hurt me again!” he shouted, turned his back on me, and left me.

I tried to chase him, but he didn’t let me. So I just weakly sat on the floor, covered my face with my hands, and cried out loud.

“So, you are here all along.”

I slowly lifted my head to look at the man owning that familiar voice, and my heart suddenly stopped beating as I saw his face.

“A-Ash.”

---

LYNUS

I RODE my car and hit the steering wheel so hard. I didn’t f*cking care if my hands were bleeding. All I wanted was to express how broken I was.

“H-He’s Tabitha’s f-father.”

“H-He’s Tabitha’s f-father.”

“H-He’s Tabitha’s f-father.”

Those words were rushing into my whole system. All this time, the hope that I kept building inside of me was going to be crushed by him again. It’s always been Jimenez!

---

“LEURIS, why didn’t you come to your son’s graduation?” Grandma asked Mom as we entered the house wearing my toga and my medals.

Mom glanced at me and smiled. “It’s your brother’s first promotional event, I couldn’t miss it,” Mom said.

‘It’s because of him again!’ I told myself. Then I glanced at him calmly sitting on the couch reading some books.

---

“LYNUS, you are going with your grandma and will study abroad,” Mom announced while I was doing my homework.

“Are you coming with us, Mom?” I asked.

“No. I’ll be staying here with your brother; he needs me here.”

‘I also need you there. . . .’

---

“GRANDMA, what are you looking at?” I asked while she was reading some mails. I read the one she was holding and what was written there hit my heart intensely like thunder.

My mom was getting married again to her first husband.

I just smiled even if my heart was breaking into pieces.

“Tell her I’m busy with my exams, I can’t come,” I said and turned my back as tears started to fall down my cheeks.

---

“LEURIS, it’s your son’s graduation, he’s going to be a doctor. This is an important day for him, but you’re telling me that you’re not coming?”

I was on the staircase, listening.

---

“WELCOME home, son. Cheers!” Mom said and raised a toast. They were all smiling and talking about Jimenez’s business while I was just sitting, feeling the wall between us.

“You should build your own hospital, hijo,” Mr. Jimenez said and smiled at me.

“Yes, you should be like your brother,” Mom said and smiled at him. She didn’t even glance at me.

---

Kahit na wala siyang gawin, siya pa rin ang nananalo sa aming dalawa.

“You are so f*cking lucky, Jimenez,” I whispered and shook my head. Can I be him even just for once?

---

LEUSAM

“LET go of me, Sab!” I hissed at her and head straight to my car. How the f*ck did Herrera knows my woman?

“No, I’m coming with you,” Sabrielle said and went inside my car.

“Get out of my car, Sab. I’m telling you, what you did just messed up everything!” I seriously said, controlling my anger and frustration.

“What did I do wrong? I’m telling the truth that I love you and I will do anything for you,” she said, crossed her arms above her chest, and casually sat inside the car. That f*cking kiss wasn’t what Louen think about! This was all Sabrielle’s fault.

---

“AHM, I need to use the r-restroom,” Louen said, that’s why I let go of her and watched her head to the restroom.

“What’s her name?” I glanced back at Ashton when he asked me.

“Why do you want to know? He’s off-limits, Del Mundo. What’s mine is mine,” I playfully said which made him chuckle.

“That made me sound like a player,” he joked and we both laughed. “By the way, I invited your brother,” he said.

“Oh, Herrera?” I asked.

I grinned because of what he said. Lynus is my half-brother, and he’s always mad at me for no reason, making us distant from each other.

“I’ll just go there, I’ll see you later,” Ashton said and greeted other people.

While waiting for Louen, Sab showed up.

“Timothy!” she cheerfully said, still looking sophisticated as always.

“You’re here,” I uttered. Then Sab gave me a peck on my cheeks which I thought was normal because she always does that with everyone.

“Ahm, yeah. Ashton invited me. By the way, can we talk?”

“We’re talking,” I reiterated.

“No, I mean somewhere quiet, I guess.”

I gazed at the restroom to look for Louen but she was still inside. “Can we just talk he—”

She cut me off and grabbed my hand before she pulled me outside. We stopped in the garden where there were only a few people.

“What is this all about?” I asked.

“I love you,” she said without any hesitation.

I sighed. “I already know that, Sab, and I thought we are clear about this. I only see you as my little sister and that’s—”

I didn’t finish my words when she cupped my face and kissed me. My eyes widened because I didn’t expect she could do such a thing.

My eyes shifted behind her, and I saw Louen already running away. With a dismayed look, I instantly pushed Sab away.

“Louen!”

---

“STOP this nonsense, Sab. I don’t love you, and I will not love you,” I harshly said. I felt the need to say this to her so she could stop pushing herself to me. I needed to find Louen to explain everything to her, because I think she saw what Sab did to me.

“You know you can’t do that, Timothy,” she seriously answered before she stepped out of my car.

I started the engine and drove away. “I can and I will!”

Louen, where are you?

---

LOUEN

“I KNOW it’s you,” Ash said seriously while he was driving me home. I couldn’t believe he was with me this time. Akala ko nakatakas ako at hindi niya ako nakilala.

“How did you know?” I asked while my eyes felt sore because of crying.

I nodded as an answer. “How’s Dad?” I asked.

“He’s fine now, don’t worry.” He was talking so calmly like it wasn’t a big deal that we met again.

“Are you gonna tell this to them?” I asked once again.

“No,” deretso niyang sagot bago ako tiningnan. “I will not tell anything to them. If they saw you in this state, I know that it will just hurt your ego. I will not do anything, trust me.” I didn’t expect him to be this mature. He really grew up well.

“Thank you,” I uttered and tears started to fall again.

His words seemed like a knife that stabbed my heart a hundred times. That was the truth I refused to claim all my life. It was me—I was the problem. I couldn’t think of anything to ease this pain, so I just cried while apologizing, hoping they could hear me.

“I think you’re mature enough to understand our parents now. Come back when you’re ready,” he said as he parked the car in front of Six’s condominium building. He kissed my forehead before I stepped out of his car and watched him leave.

Lahat ay tila sampal ng katotohanan sa akin.

Wala sa sarili akong pumasok sa condo unit ni Six at naabutan kong kalalabas lang ni Tabitha sa kuwarto. She smiled at me and ran toward me.

“Bakit gising ka pa?” I asked.

“Mommy!” She asked me to carry her. Binuhat ko siya at dinala sa kuwarto.

“Sleep, Tabi,” nanghihina kong sambit bago humiga sa kama at tinakpan ang aking pagod na mga mata.

“Mommy, I want to play!” Tabi said, tapping my thigh, and starting to jump on the bed. Pero wala ako sa huwisyo para mapansin siya. Maya-maya pa ay nakaramdam ako ng hilo dahil hindi siya tumitigil hangga’t hindi ko siya nililingon.

“Tabi, stop jumping and go to sleep,” I whispered. But still, she didn’t listen. “Tabi, kakagaling mo lang sa ospital. Please stop jumping,” mahina kong sambit.

“Mommy, I want to play! I won’t get ouchie !” She jumped faster.

“Tabi, please, not now.” My head was aching really bad.

“But, Mommy—”

“Tabi, I said stop!” I shouted and sat, glared at her. That stopped her and looked straight into my eyes. “You know you can’t do that, yet you still continue doing it, bad! Can you let me rest?!” Pagkatapos ay pabagsak akong bumalik sa pagkakahiga. Wala akong ibang nararamdaman kundi inis sa sarili ko.

Maya-maya ay naramdaman ko siyang dahan-dahang bumaba ng kama at lumabas ng kuwarto. I heard Erille’s door open kaya alam kong pumasok si Tabi roon. Nagpahinga ako at ipinikit ang aking mga mata.

---

I WOKE up when I felt someone was shaking me.

“Louen, nasaan si Tabitha?” I heard Erille asked.

I slowly opened my eyes. “She’s in your room,” I answered.

“Ha? Wala siya sa kuwarto namin, El,” she said. Kaya naman para akong tinakasan ng dugo dahil sa sinabi niya. Kasabay ng pagtayo ko ay ang pagbukas ng pinto ni Six.

“I got the CCTV footage,” he said and instantly played it on his laptop. The video showed Tabi stepping out of the condo and heading outside. She was crying while walking outside the condominium. She looked like she didn’t know what to do.

I gasped when a white van stopped in front of her and a guy with a black mask took her inside the van. That just took my heart away.

“I will call the police,” mabilis na sagot ni Six habang si Erille naman ay tila hindi nakagalaw sa nakita.

“Tabitha,” I whispered.

What have I done?

---

“TNGINA, bakit ang babagal n’yong kumilos?! Kailangan mahanap si Tabitha! May sakit ’yong bata! Baka kung ano’ng mangyari sa kanya, tngina naman!” Nagwawala si Six dito sa presinto nang bumalik kami kinabukasan upang humingi ng update sa pagkawala ni Tabitha.

Nakatulala lang ako sa kawalan. It was my fault. What if something bad happened to her? Baka natatakot na siya sa pagkakataong ito.

“Six, huminahon ka nga!” Erille tried to stop Six.

“Paano ako hihinahon, Erille? Kinuha si Tabitha, paano ako hihinahon?”

Tears were just falling from my eyes while I remembered how I shouted at her.

“Tabi, I said stop!”

“You know you can’t do that, yet you still continue doing it

I looked at her picture on my phone and prayed that she was okay. After a while, an unknown number appeared calling.

“Erille!” I called their attention and answered the call. Nanahimik silang lahat habang nanginginig kong sinagot ang tawag. “H-Hello?”

“Hawak namin ang anak mo. Kung gusto mo siyang makuha, magbigay ka ng limang milyon.”

“Let me hear my daughter first. Please don’t hurt her, she’s sick!” pakiusap ko habang nahihirapan akong huminga dahil sa sobrang bigat ng nararamdaman ko.

“Mommy!” I heard Tabitha’s voice. Hindi ako makapaniwalang nakidnap nga siya.

“Sampung milyon, hindi namin sasaktan ang anak mo. Bibigyan ka namin ng bente-kuwatro oras para iabot iyon sa amin. Pupunta ka nang mag-isa sa lugar na sasabihin namin na dala ang pera at doon namin ibibigay ang anak mo.”

They didn’t let me speak and ended the call. Nanghihina kong nabitiwan ang cell phone ko dahil doon.

“Gagawan po namin ng paraan para ma-trace ang pinanggalingan ng tawag. Babalitaan po namin kayo kaagad,” sabi ng isang pulis sa amin.

Umuwi kami sa bahay na tila wala sa sarili. Hindi na tumigil ang pagtulo ng luha ko at pag-aalala para sa anak ko. Sobrang bigat ng nararamdaman ko. Parang nakabaon sa hukay ang mga paa ko habang wala sa piling ko ang aking Tabitha.

“Maghintay tayo, El. Mahahanap din nila si Tabitha,” sambit ni Erille habang si Six ay nagpaiwan sa police station para mahanap si Tabitha.

I received a text message from the kidnappers Sinabi nila ang lugar at oras kung saan ko sila dapat kitain. They said they would kill my Tabi if I didn’t follow them.

“Kailangan ko ng sampung milyon,” wala sa sarili kong sambit.

“Wala tayong ganoon kalaking pera, Louen,” Erille said.

Seryosong tiningnan ko siya. “Sasasayaw ako mamayang gabi sa club. Kung kinakailangang ibigay ko ang sarili ko sa lahat ng lalaki doon para lang makakuha ang sampung milyon, gagawin ko,” I eagerly said before I headed to my room to prepare myself to work.

---

I ARRIVED at the club at 6 p.m. Pagpasok ko sa loob, dere-deretso akong tumuloy sa staff room at saka nagpalit. Humarap ako sa salamin at isinuot ang aking mask.

Tears fell from my eyes again. Please wait for Mommy, Tabi. I’m so sorry.

Paglabas ko ng staff room, agad akong naglakad papunta sa stage, but someone grabbed my arms and pulled me out of the club.

“Ano ba, bitiwan mo ’ko!” I shouted as I faced this person. It was Leusam.

Pilit naman akong nagpumiglas mula sa kanyang pagkakahawak. “Let go of me!” I started crying.

“I will not let you dance here again, Louen, not anymore!” he firmly said.

“Ano ba, Leusam, bitiwan mo ’ko, parang awa mo na!”

“No, I will not let you go,” he said and pulled me away from the club.

“Leusam, please let go of me!” Fear began to spread all over my body. I was afraid I might not earn the specific amount that the kidnapper told me. “Please . . . let me go!” I was so desperate this time.

“No. Enough is enough, Louen!”

“Leusam, please let me go! M-My daughter needs me!” I weakly said and broke down as I sat on the floor.

“What did you say?”

“My Tabi needs me.”

Chapter 34

TABI

“MY Tabi needs me,” nanghihina kong sambit.

Awang-awa na ako sa anak ko. She doesn’t deserve any of this. My poor Tabi, this is all my fault.

“K-Kailangan ako ng a-anak ko.” Halos hindi ko na mabigkas nang maayos ang sasabihin ko dahil sa sobrang pag-iyak. Kapag may nangyaring hindi maganda sa kanya, hindi ko mapapatawad ang aking sarili.

“Your daughter?” Leusam asked and slowly kneeled to have me face him.

Lumuluha akong tiningnan siya. My eyes were blurry because of tears. Ang tanging malinaw na nakikita ko mula sa kanya ay ang kanyang mga mata na kagaya ng kay Tabitha.

“I’m s-sorry . . . I’m s-sorry . . .” Nanginginig kong inabot ang kanyang kamay at pinaghahalikan ito habang hinahabol ko ang aking paghinga. “I’m sorry . . .” I whispered.

“Why are you sorry?” Magkasalubong ang kanyang mga kilay sa pagkakataong ito. 

Ilang sandaling nabalot ng katahimikan ang aming paligid dahil hindi ako makasagot. Maya-maya ay narinig ko ang paghinga niya nang malalim bago nagsalita.

“D-Don’t tell me your daughter is my child?” he asked, confused.

“I-I’m sorry . . .” Lumuhod ako sa harap niya. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry . . .” paulit-ulit kong sambit.

Hindi sumasagot si Leusam kaya patuloy lang ako sa pag-iyak. Pinagsisisihan ko ang lahat ng ito.

“I’m sorry . . . kailangan ako ng anak ko ngayon, Leusam. Please, hayaan mo na ’ko. Ililigtas ko ang anak ko, parang awa mo na.”

“Where is she? What happened?” he asked. Then he helped me stand by holding my shoulders before he cupped my face and wiped my tears.

Mas lalo akong naiyak nang magtama ang aming mga mata. Punong-puno ako ng sakit, galit, at pagsisisi; hindi ko na alam kung paano pa siya haharapin.

“Shh, Louen, tell me where is our daughter?” Sabi niya, tila sigurado na sa sariling siya nga ang ama ng anak ko, kahit na hindi ko pa kinukumpirma. 

“I’m sorry talaga, patawarin mo ’ko . . .” I said and avoided his gaze. Hindi ko siya kayang tingnan sa pagkakataong ito.

“No, no, no. Look at me, I’m not mad. Yes, I’m in pain but I’m not mad. I will understand your reason, but first, tell me where is our child right now. What is happening?”

“She’s been kidnapped,” sagot ko at saka humagulhol. “Leusam, may sakit siya. Natatakot ako na baka kung ano’ng mangyari sa kanya. Leusam, hindi ko kayang mawala ang anak ko. Please, please, please!” My whole body was trembling in fear. “Kailangan nila ng sampung milyon kapalit ni Tabi. Please, Leusam, tulungan mo ’ko, parang awa mo na,” I begged, at kahit hindi ko na maigalaw nang maayos ang aking nanginginig na mga kamay, hinawakan ko ang pisngi niya. “Tulungan mo ’ko. Kailangan ako ng anak ko.”

Unti-unting nadurog ang puso ko habang nagmamakaawa at naiisip ang kalagayan ng anak ko sa pagkakataong ito. Baka hindi siya pinakakain, baka inaatake na siya ng sakit niya, baka sinasaktan nila siya. Hindi ko kaya, hindi ko kaya . . .

“Parang awa mo na, Leusam. Tulungan mo kami.” I shook my head and leaned on his chest. Please, tulungan n’yo ’ko.

Leusam hugged me so tight. “We will get her. I will bring back our child,” he firmly said as we were both sobbing in tears. “Listen to me, we’ll bring her back.” He cupped my face, wiped my tears, and kissed me. “I love you. We will bring her back,” he whispered.

---

ERILLE

“TNGINA, tngina, t*ngina!” paulit-ulit na singhal ni Six at sunod-sunod na pinagsusuntok ang pinto.

“Ano ba, Six! Walang magagawa ’yang pagsigaw mo—hindi natin mahahanap si Tabi sa kagaganyan mo! Wala tayong magagawa kung wala pa ring balita hanggang ngayon!” singhal ko. Lahat kami ay kinakain ng takot at pag-aalala kay Tabitha. Pero alam ko at nararamdaman ko na okay lang siya.

“Kasalanan ko ’to. Kung ni-lock ko ’yong pinto, hindi sana mangyayari ’to! T*ngina!” sigaw niya, pilit na inilalabas ang galit sa sarili.

“Walang may kasalanan ni—” Hindi ko natapos ang sasabihin ko nang bigla niya akong tingnan.

“Kasalanan ko ’to, Erille!” He shouted before he stepped out of the police station. I peeked that he rode his bike and then drove away from this place.

Hinawi ko ang aking buhok bago pinunasan ang aking luha. Lahat naman kami ay natatakot para sa kalagayan ni Tabitha pero hindi ito ang tamang oras para sisihin namin ang aming mga sarili.

Napayuko na lang ako at naghintay sa loob ng police station.

“Please, iligtas N’yo po si Tabi,” I prayed.

“Erille.”

Napalingon ako sa direksiyon kung saan galing ang boses na tumawag sa pangalan ko.

“Jackson?”

---

LOUEN

NARITO ako sa loob ng penthouse ni Leusam habang nakaupo kami sa sofa, hinihintay ang tawag ng kidnapper. Lahat ng bodyguard ni Leusam ay narito sa loob, ikinonekta nila ang aking cell phone sa isang tracking system para madali namin ma-trace kung nasaan ang mga kidnapper at si Tabi.

“How old is she?”

Napatingin ako kay Leusam nang hawakan niya ang kamay ko. He gave me a painful smile. I bit my lower lip to control myself from bursting out, but my tears kept falling.

Leusam smiled and wiped my tears. “Sshh . . .” He kissed my forehead and caressed my hand.

“She’s—”

“Five,” pagtutuloy niya. He chuckled bitterly. “What’s her whole name?” Bakas sa boses niya ang sakit pero pilit niyang ipinararamdam sa akin na okay lang ang lahat.

“Clouise T-Tabitha Del Mundo,” I whispered.

“Jimenez,” Pagpapatuloy niya bago inayos ang ilang hible ng aking buhok na humarang sa mukha ko.  “She is a Jimenez,” he calmly declared before he put my hair behind my ears. “What’s her health condition again?” 

“She has sickle cell anemia,” I answered.

Huminga siya nang malalim at tiningnan ako sa aking mga mata. “We can cure her,” he whispered. “We will do everything to cure her.” He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, pulled me closer to him, and let me rest on his chest. “What’s her favorite food?” he asked.

“Cookies, vegetables, chocolates—everything,” I said and chuckled remembering how Tabi loves to eat.

“What is her favorite color?”

“Purple.”

“Her favorite song?”

“Three Bears.”

He chuckled. “That’s cute,” he commented.

“What is her fav—”

Hindi ko na siya pinatapos at agad nagsalita. “Itinago ko siya dahil natakot ako; natakot ako na baka hindi tayo puwede, na baka hindi tayo tanggapin ng mundo, na baka hindi iyon tama.”

He was taken aback because of what I said.

“Natakot ako dahil langit ka at lupa ako. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang totoong pagmamahal. Takot ako at mahina,” mahina kong sambit bago siya hinarap.

“Did I ask you to think about what the world would think of us?” tanong niya habang hawak ang aking kamay. “I just asked you to wait for me,” he said.

That really hit my heart so hard. Muli akong lumuha at saka yumuko.

“Patawarin mo ’ko,” habol-hininga kong sambit.

“I have already forgiven you even if you don’t ask for it. I have already forgiven you, and I always will. So let us not think about what the world would think of us; let’s just love each other like there’s no tomorrow. I promise you that I’ll do anything to make you happy, and I will cherish you and Tabi for the rest of my life,” he said. Then he leaned closer and kissed my forehead. “I love you,” he added.

I closed my eyes. “I love you too.” I whispered, sapat na para marinig niya. Tila ikinatuwa niya naman ang sinabi ko kaya niyakap niya ako ng mahigpit.

My phone suddenly rang. Agad kaming naglayo ni Leusam sa aming yakapan. He gave signals to his men as I answered the call and put it on loudspeaker.

“H-Hello?” I was trembling but Leusam held my hand and mouthed the words, ‘You can do this.’ I closed my eyes and tried to gather all my strength.

“Naiinip na kami. Kung gusto mo pang makitang buhay ang anak mo, pumunta ka ngayong alas-dose ng gabi sa Paco Train Station—ikaw lang mag-isa. Dalhin mo ang sampung milyong kailangan namin, kung hindi, sasabog sa harapan mo ang ulo ng anak mo!”

Humigpit ang pagkakahawak sa akin ni Leusam nang marinig niya ’yon. Nagpatuloy ang aking pagluha dahil sa takot.

“Alas-dose ng gabi!” the kidnapper shouted from the other line and turned off the call.

Nanlalambot akong napayakap kay Leusam dahil sa takot.

“Sir, na-trace na po namin. Nasa isang maliit na bahay sila malapit sa train station na sinabi nila,” sambit ng lalaking may hawak ng tracking device.

“We’ll go there. We’ll follow their instruction but make sure that those sh*ts are surrounded. Save my daughter. I’ll make those guys’ life miserable that they never expected,” Leusam darkly said before he stood up and bring me outside the penthouse.

Sumakay kami sa kanyang sasakyan at inilagay ang sampung milyon sa isang itim na duffle bag. Nagpalit ng damit si Leusam bago kami tumuloy sa lugar na sinabi ng mga kidnapper.

Leusam’s men already surrounded the place and some of them headed to the kidnapper’s hideout to save other kids if there were any.

“Hey, you can do this. I’m at your side,” he whispered, habang papalabas kami ng sasakyan.

Saktong alas-dose na pagbaba ko ng sasakayan. Kasabay n’on ang pagdating ng isang puting van at may tatlong lalaking bumaba mula roon. They glared when they saw the both of us.

“Akala ko ba malinaw sa ’yo na mag-isa ka lang pupunta dito?!” galit na sambit ng isang lalaki.

“I’m the child’s father,” Leusam calmly said.

“Wala akong pakialam! Ang sinabi ko, ikaw lang!” sigaw nito. Inilabas niya ang kanyang baril at itinutok sa amin. Bago niya pa ito paputukin ay isang sniper ang bumaril sa kanya. Dahil doon ay nag-panic ang ibang mga kasama niya at nagsimulang makipagbarilan sa mga kasama namin.

“Ahh!” I heard Tabi’s voice, kaya agad akong bumitiw kay Leusam at saka tumakbo.

“Louen!” I heard Leusam call my name but I needed to save my daughter first.

Sumugod ako sa barilan, pilit inabot ang loob ng van kung saan nakita ko si Tabi na nakaupo sa sahig at umiiyak sa takot.

“Tabi!” I shouted. She looked at me and quickly hugged me.

“Mommy!” she cried.

Leusam showed up and grabbed my arms. He pulled Tabi from me; siya ang nagbuhat dito at tumakbo kami pabalik sa sasakyan.

“Tigil!”

Habang tumatakbo, napatingin ako sa isang kidnapper na itinutok ang baril kina Leusam at Tabi kaya mabilis akong humarang bago niya pa paputukin ang kanyang baril.

“Mommy!” sigaw ni Tabi kasabay ng pagkirot ng balikat ko. I was shot.

“Louen!” Leusam called my name. Suddenly, everything became blurry. All I knew was that I fell on the floor and lost consciousness.

---

“Mommy, wake up.”

Nagising ako sa boses ni Tabitha, but my body felt so painful. I can’t move.

“Mommy, wake up. Daddy misses you.”

I can still hear her whisper in my ears. Pero parang ang bigat ng talukap ng aking mga mata at nahihirapan akong imulat ang mga ito.

“Mommy, wakey, wakey! My daddy is here. Wakey, wakey, Mommy.”

I could feel her warm breath on my ears. I know Tabi is beside me. Right now, it’s just hard to open my eyes.

“Mommy, wakey, wakey. I have my daddy now. Mommy, wakey! Daddy is here, Mommy,” Tabi kept whispering.

When I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was my little angel sitting beside me in her cute bear costume.

“Mommy!” she uttered, spread her arms, and hugged me.

“I’m sorry, Tabi. Mommy shouted at you, forgive me,” I whispered and shed tears.

She tapped my back like an adult and looked at me. “It’s okay, Mommy. Tabi will not leave Mommy again,” she mumbled and giggled in front of me. I smiled at her and cupped her face. “Mommy, you have ouchie,” she whispered and pointed her finger at my right arm covered with a bandage.

“’Buti na lang nadaplisan ka lang ng bala.”

Napatingin ako kay Erille nang magsalita siya. Noon ko lang napansin na nakatayo pala siya sa gilid ko.

“Sa susunod, ’wag kang sasalo ng bala. Hindi ka si Wonderwoman” sambit pa niya bago biglang umiyak at niyakap ako. “Tinakot n’yo ’kong mag-ina,” she said and cried on my arms.

Six was standing beside her and smiling at me. “Thank God both of you are safe,” he whispered and held my hand.

“I think that is enough.”

Napalingon ako nang tumayo si Leusam at tinanggal ang kamay ni Six. Tumayo si Erille at saka ngumiti habang nagpupunas ng luha.

“Bibigyan muna namin kayo ng oras,” Erille said and stepped out of the room with Six. Luminga ako at napagtantong nasa penthouse kami ni Leusam.

“How are you?” Leusam asked and kissed my forehead, holding Tabi in his arms.

I smiled and closed my eyes. “I’m okay.” I didn’t expect that seeing both of them together could make the pain go away.

“I already introduced myself to this little cutie, and do you know what she said?” nakangiting sambit ni Leusam na sinundan ng paghagikgik ni Tabitha.

“What did Tabi say?” I asked. Tabi hid her face in her father’s chest.

Leusam chuckled. “She said, ‘I know I was right!’” Leusam said then laughed.

“I know Daddy is my daddy,” she said and hugged Leusam while still hiding her shy face, making us laugh.

“Tabi, can you ask Mommy to marry Daddy?” he whispered to Tabi, but I could clearly hear it.

Tabitha instantly nodded multiple times. “Yes, yes, yes!” she cheerfully said. That made me laugh even more.

Leusam brought out a ring from his pocket and gave it to Tabi. “Force Mommy to marry Daddy,” he said once again. Tabitha nodded like a good soldier and salute at her dad before she grabbed the ring and showed it to me.

“Mommy, marry my daddy!” she said. It was as if she was giving me an order. Leusam and I laughed at her.

“Yes, ma’am,” I answered,

“I love you,” Leusam whispered before he gave me a peck on my lips.

“I love you too, Daddy.” Imbes na ako ang sumagot ay si Tabi ang sumagot kaya mas lalo kaming natawa.

I didn’t realize how fun love is until this day come.

---

ERILLE

sa kama niya. Tabi was sleeping beside her.

Maayos naman na ang lahat kay Louen, siguro oras ko naman para isipin ang aking sarili. Kaya tumango ako bilang sagot.

She sighed before he caressed my hand. “If this will make you happy, I will support you and I will always owe you our lives.” She pulled me for a hug. “Sarili mo naman ang pasayahin at protektahan mo ngayon,” she said and tapped my back.

“Oo, magpapaganda ako nang sobra doon!” I joked before I laughed and wiped my tears.

“Tatawagan mo ’ko, ah,” she said and cried.

“Oo naman. Mami-miss ko kada minuto si Tabitha, siyempre tatawag ako,” sambit ko at tumawa upang pagaanin ang loob niya.

“I wish you’d find your happiness, Erille. Thank you so much for everything.

I smiled and grabbed my bag, stood up, and kissed Tabi’s forehead. “O, sige na, aalis na ’ko. ’Wag ka nang umiyak, naiiyak ako lalo, eh,” sambit ko at unti-unti nang naglakad papunta sa pinto. “Bye na.”

Louen nodded at me, then I stepped out of the room. Jackson was waiting for me outside, leaning on his car. This time I choose myself. “Let’s go.”

Jackson smiled at me and guided my head as I went inside his car.

---

“JACKSON?” nagtatakang sabi ko pagpasok niya sa loob ng police station.

He smiled at me and silently sat beside me. And instead of explaining why he came, he just held my hand. That was when I felt that he wanted to comfort me.

Naghintay kami hanggang sa mabalitaan namin na nakuha na nila si Tabitha at nahuli na ang mga kidnapper.

Hindi ako iniwan ni Jackson hanggang sa makarating kami kay Louen.

Papasok na ako sa bahay kung nasaan si Louen nang biglang tumigil si Jackson.

“I’ll stop here,” he said and smiled at me. “I know this is not the right time, but if you choose yourself tonight, I will wait for you and bring you with me. But if not, this is goodbye. I’ll be leaving tomorrow at 5 a.m. If you changed your mind, I would be so much willing to extend another month to help you with your papers.” He slowly let go of my hand, turned his back on me, and let me watch him leave.

Tumuloy ako sa loob at nakilala ang totoong ama ni Tabitha. Dumating din si Six.

“I think that is enough.”

Tumayo si Leusam at tinanggal ang kamay ni Six na nakahawak kay Louen. Tumayo na rin ako at saka ngumiti habang nagpupunas ng luha.

“Bibigyan muna namin kayo ng oras,” sambit ko at iniwan namin sila sa loob.

Paglabas ng pinto, agad naglakad si Six pababa. Nagsalita ako na biglang nakapagpatigil sa kanya.

“Mahal mo na ba ’ko?” deretso kong tanong. He stopped and didn’t face me. Nanatili kaming tahimik. Hinintay ko ang sagot niya pero hindi siya nagsalita at tuluyan nang umalis pagkatapos.

‘That’s the sign I’ve been waiting for . . .’ Kinuha ko sa bulsa ang aking cell phone at pinili ang aking sarili.

            To: Jackson

                        Sasama ako sa ’yo.

---

SIX

I KNOCKED a few times in Louen’s room.

“Pasok,” Louen said from the inside, so I slowly opened the door and saw her with Tabi sleeping by her side.

“Where is that rich guy?” I asked with hesitation.

“He’s in his office,” she said and smiled at me. I nodded before I sat at the edge of the bed and looked at her.

“Ahm, I don’t know what to do,” I uttered.

I felt so messed up as I was so scared about my feelings. Every time Ilooked at Erille, it felt like she was about to leave me. That made me weakerbecause I couldn’t say how much I loved her. The way she looked at me, I feltlike I couldn’t make her happy, so I chose not to confess my feelings for her.I have always been hurting her, and I was scared that if I pushed loving her,it would hurt her even more

“You know what to do, Six. Maybe you’re just scared,” Louen said, smiling at me.

“Yes, I admit. I mean, I’ve been hurting Erille the whole time. I don’t know if I can make her happy because hurting her is what I know I’m capable of. How can she love me when all I do is hurt her?” I said and shook my head.

she said.

I looked at her with confusion. What does she mean?

“She’s leaving next month for Australia and will start living there for good.”

Tila nabingi ako sa sinabi ni Louen. “No . . .” I whispered.

“Yes. And if I were you, I will not waste time anymo—”

“Hindi!” I uttered.

Louen just stared at me, tila nabigla sa pagsigaw ko. Kinain ako ng matinding takot. Aalis siya? Sobra ko ba siyang nasaktan kaya aalis siya? Do I deserve her?

“T*ngina,” sambit ko bago ako tumalikod at nagsimulang naglakad palapit sa pinto.

“Saan ka pupunta?” tanong ni Louen.

“Hindi ko alam,” tugon ko bago tuluyang nilisan ang lugar na iyon. Wala ako sa aking sarili at tanging ang matinding sakit sa aking puso lang ang aking iniisip.

I was drowning in pain and fear, and before I knew it, I found myself drinking a lot of alcohol inside a bar. “Tngina, tngina!” bulong ko at tuluyang nagpakalunod sa alak.

---

“Six!”

Nagising ako sa malakas na tunog ng pagkalabog ng pinto. Nang subukan kong bumangon, kumirot ang aking ulo nang sobrang sakit.

“Six! Ano ba, buksan mo ’tong pinto!”

Nagising ako sa malakas na tunog ng pagkalabog ng pinto. Nang subukan kong bumangon, kumirot ang aking ulo nang sobrang sakit.

“Six! Ano ba, buksan mo ’tong pinto!”

Dahan-dahan akong tumayo at paika-ikang lumakad papalapit sa pinto at binuksan ito. “Louen,” paos kong sambit.

“Ano’ng nangyari sa ’yo?!” gulat niyang sambit sabay haplos sa aking pisngi.

“Aray!” sambit ko nang sumakit ito dahil sa paghawak niya.

“Nakipagsuntukan ka ba?! Bakit may pasa ka?! Ano ba’ng ginagawa mo?!”

“Wala ’to. Bakit ka nandito, Louen? Nasaan si Tabitha?”

“Aalis na si Erille ngayong araw! Binigyan ka ng isang buwan para gumawa ng paraan pero ano’ng ginawa mo? Mas sinira mo ang sarili mo imbes na pigilan mo si Erille na ilakad ang mga papeles niya! Ano ka ba, Six?!”

Binalewala ko ang lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman ko sa aking katawan nang marinig ko ang pangalan ni Erille. Isang buwan na agad ang nakalipas? Bakit sobrang bilis ng oras? Hindi pa ako handa. Hindi ako handang mawala siya sa buhay ko.

“Ano pa’ng hinihintay mo? Habulin mo na siya bago pa siya tuluyang mawa—”

I didn’t let Louen finish and ran to get my big bike at the condoparking. I needed to see Erille. As I arrived at the parking, I immediatelyrode on my big bike and rushed to the airport. Good thing I got to see Erillestill waiting at the airport entrance with that guy

“Erille!” I shouted and got off my big bike and ran to her.

“Six?” she uttered.

Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya. My heart was pounding so fast.

“Erille, I love you.” Finally, I said it. “I love you, Erille. I always do.”

She looked me in the eyes and suddenly kissed me in front of everyone.

“I love you too . . .” she answered. “. . . but I can’t love you anymore.”

“W-What?” Agad na bumagsak ang magkabilang balikat ko.

“Oo, mahal kita at inaamin ko iyon; palagi kong aaminin iyon pero mas pipiliin ko ang sarili ko ngayon, Six. Sorry,” she said and turned her back on me. It was like a slow-motion scene when she walked inside the airport together with that guy.

“It’s too late. F*ck!”

---

LOUEN

A WEEK passed by and now we are standing in front of a white mansion. Leusam was holding my hand and Tabi was on the other side. He looked at me and smiled.

“Are you ready?” Leusam whispered, kissing my head.

“Natatako—” Hindi ko natapos ang sasabihin ko nang harapin ako ni Tabi.

“It’s okay, Mommy,” she said and winked at me.

“See? Tabi said it’s okay, so there is no reason to be afraid,” he whispered and pulled us inside.

Pumasok kami sa loob ng mansiyon kasabay ng mabilis na pagtibok ng puso ko sa kaba. Leusam would introduce us to his parents, and I was scared they wouldn’t like us.

“Mom? Dad?” Leusam called his parents, assuming they were in their room. Then after a while, the couple showed up and went down quickly to greet us.

“Leusam, my son!” His mom hugged him tight. “Good thing you’re here. Sabrielle is also here. Come here, my dear.”

Napalingon ako sa direksiyon na nilingunan ng mommy ni Leusam. Bumungad sa paningin ko ang babaeng humalik kay Leusam noon. Naglalakad ito palapit sa ginang.

“I already planned your engagement party, hijo. Sab and I agreed with a beach part—”

Hindi natapos ang sasabihin ng nanay ni Leusam nang magsalita si Tabitha. “Hello!” masiglang sambit nito at kumapit sa kanyang ama.

“Who’s this little cutie over here?” Leusam’s dad asked as he looked at my daughter.

“Mom, Dad, this is my daughter Tabitha, and this is my fiancée Louen. . . .” Leusam introduced us. Then I heard Sab gasp. And without a word, she ran away from us.

“Sabrielle!” His mom called her and glared at her son. “What is this, Timothy?!” she shouted.

“My family,” kalmadong sagot ni Leusam.

“So, this little cutie is my apo?!” his father joyfully asked. It seemed like it was the good news he had ever heard.

Leusam nodded, and his father immediately kneeled in front of Tabi. “Hello, apo. Come, let’s eat,” he happily said to my daughter before he smiled at me.

Hinawakan ako sa baywang ni Leusam bago namin sundan ang kanyang ama. Naiwan ang kanyang ina sa aming kinatatayuan kanina.

We talked about everything under the sun while eating. Tuwang-tuwa ang dad ni Leusam kay Tabi habang ang nanay ni Leusam ay hindi kami hinarap. Leusam’s dad accepted us without any question.

“When is the wedding?” tanong ng dad ni Leusam.

“Next month,” sagot ni Leusam at nginitian ako. I smiled back at him.

“That’s great! Feel at home, Louen, and call me Dad starting today, okay? And you, cute little miss, call me Papi Lolo,” he said.

Tabi giggled and nodded as an answer. Then we just enjoyed the dinner.

---

“DAD, we’ll go now. I’ll just call you and send you the invitation,” Leusam said as his dad walked us out of the door.

“Sure thing,” Leusam’s dad said and kissed Tabi before he handed her to me.

“Mommy, I want to walk po,” Tabi said so I put her down and held her hand.

“Thank you for visiting us, Louen. See you on your big day,” Leusam’s dad said to me and gave us a heartwarming smile. Because of that, my worries about them opposing my relationship with Leusam had finally faded away.

“Wait for me here,” Leusam said as we stood in front of the mansion’s gate.

And while we were waiting for Leusam to start the car, I entertained myself by looking at my ring when it suddenly slid from my finger and rolled down the road.

“Tabi, wait,” I said and let go of her hand to get my ring.

When I was about to hold the ring, I heard Tabi yelled.

“Mommy!”

I turned to face her, and my eyes suddenly widened when she strongly pushed me, making me fall to the other side of the road. Then a loud thud echoed in my ears.

“Tabitha!” I heard Leusam shout. When I opened my eyes, I saw my Tabi lying on the road with blood all over her body.

“T-Tabi . . .” I whispered. Tears started to fall as I closed my eyes and lost consciousness.

Chapter 35

FINAL

SABRILLE

“YOU’RE not trusting me, Dad!” I yelled at my dad, and in a few seconds, a hard slap hit my face.

“You reckless child! You’re not listening to me! You’re just like your mom—a piece of sh*t!”

All my life, I was trapped in my father’s territory. I had to be theproper and perfect daughter, and no mistake had to happen, or else I wouldsuffer more in his wrath.

He was about to slap me again in front of all his guests when Timothy stood in front of me and received his slap instead. Everyone gasped when they saw Timothy get slapped by my dad. My lips parted as tears spread all over my eyes.

“T-Timothy,” I uttered. He gently held my hands and looked at me.

“Let’s go,” he said, and in just a glimpse of an eye, we ran away from that company party.It felt like we were running in a cloud of freedom.

We stopped in a garden of roses where there was no one around.

“Are you okay?” Timothy asked and handed me his handkerchief. I nodded and wiped my tears using it. “It’s okay to break free and avoid orders. It’s okay that you let yourself be free,” he uttered and looked up at the sky.

He slid both of his hands into his pocket and glanced at me. “

It will take a lot of courage to break free. Forget the rules.“

 

He tapped my shoulder before he messed with my hair and walked away.

Slowly, I reached for my chest and felt my heart beating so fast.

‘Until now, you keep me safe. I’m in love with you, Timothy.’

---

I FOLLOWED what

Timothy said. I finally chased my freedom and stepped out of my father’s shadow. Timothy accepted me and let me work with him. I stood on my own with him by my side.

“My schedule?” Timothy said as he entered the office, folding his sleeve, and wearing his specs.

“For today’s schedule, you have a meeting with Mr. Del Mundo, with the investors, and a forecast interview with FN TV.” I smiled at him when he glanced at me.

“I can’t attend the forecast interview,” he said and focused on his laptop.

“Ahm . . . want me to attend as your substitute?” I asked.

“Yeah, sure. Thank you, Sab.”

That gave me butterflies in my stomach.

---

“TIMOTHY, lunch?” I knocked on his door and waited for him to look at me. When he glanced at me, I showed him the food I cooked this morning.

“No thanks, I’m full,” he said.

I nodded and stepped out of his office. “Maybe next time,” I whispered and went back to work.

---

“TIMOTHY, the board is already outside.”

He looked at me while fixing his tie and hurriedly walked toward the door.

“Wait!” I stopped him, went near him, and fixed his messy necktie. “You still mess with your tie, Timothy.” That gave me a husband-and-wife thing, making my heart flutter.

“Thank you, Sab,” he said and tapped my shoulder before he headed straight to the board meeting.

---

“GOOD morning, Tita Leuris. What brought you here? Timothy isn’t here, he said he has urgent agenda today,” I said as Tita Leuris stepped inside the company.

“I’m not here to meet him, I’m here to see you, Sab,” she cheerfully said as she held my hand and pulled me inside my office.

“What is this for, Tita?” I asked. I offered her a seat and coffee.

“I’m here to tell you that I want you for my son,” she answered as she sat on the couch.

“Pardon me?” I asked with disbelief.

She sweetly smiled and reached for my hand. “I want you to marry my son Timothy.”

My eyes literally widened because of what she said. My heart was pounding so fast. Is this a dream?

“Are you sure about this, Tita?” I asked. This can’t be real.

“Yes. I know Timothy will agree with this, you two are perfect for each other. I’m sure my son is in love with you too.”

“Really?” My excitement overflowed in my heart.

“Yes. I will invite you tonight to the mansion. Leusam will also come. Let’s talk about your engagement party.” She was speaking like Timothy already told her what to do, or maybe he really told Tita to do this because he’s shy.

That’s cute, Timothy.

“Okay, Tita.”

This is the day I have always been dreaming of, Timothy. I love you from the very start and our love story will start now.

---

“MOM? Dad?”

As we heard Timothy’s voice, Tita Leuris smiled at me and invited me to stand up from the couch so we could meet him downstairs.

“Leusam, my son!” Tita hugged him. He’s as handsome as ever. “Good thing you’re here. Sabrielle is also here. Come here, my dear,” Tita said.

She pulled me beside her and our eyes met. I smiled at him. Timothy nodded at me before Tita spoke again.

“I already planned your engagement party, hijo. Sab and I agreed with a beach part—”

Tita got cut off when a small little girl showed up beside Timothy that really looked like him.

“Hello!” The kid joyfully greeted us with a bright smile.

“Who’s this little cutie over here?” Tito asked Timothy.

Before Timothy could answer, I noticed this poor woman beside him. Who is she?

“Mom, Dad, this is my daughter Tabitha, and this is my fiancée Louen.”

My sense of hearing seemed to be having a problem at that time. No way! This is unbelievable.

I saw Timothy wrap his arms around that gold digger’s waist while the annoying kid grabbed his other hand. This can’t be real! Timothy is mine!

My tears started to fall as everything sank into my mind. I felt a sudden anger. I couldn’t control my emotion, so I ran away with overflowing tears.

“Sabrielle!” Tita Leuris called my name but I didn’t look back.

I stepped inside my car and cried out loud. I hit the steering wheel with both of my hands and started shouting. “No! Ahh! This is not happening!”

I did everything for him! I did everything for Timothy! I gave my whole life to him, and now this is what I get?! That girl ruined everything!

I kept crying inside my car. All the things I did for Timothy flashed back. All those things were just nothing for him!

I should be his fiancée! He should spend his whole life with me because he is mine!

My agony started eating my whole system, and as I rose my head, I saw them smiling while stepping out of the gate of the mansion. I saw how Timothy looked at that gold digger. He kissed her forehead and walked toward his car.

I was suddenly inclined to start the engine. And when I saw that b*tch walked in the middle of the street, everything turned black, and all the anger inside me burst out. I stepped into the accelerator and drove fast. I closed my eyes and let my car hit that person.

“Tabitha!” I heard Timothy shout from the outside. I slowly opened my eyes and saw that b*tch on the other side of the road, and when I turned my gaze in front, the little kid was filled with blood.

My lips parted as I realized that I hit the kid instead of that b*tch. My anger disappeared and fear showed up when I gazed out the window. I saw Tita Leuris looking at me, shocked. And that’s when I started the engine of the car and escaped. My whole body was numbing in fear.

“I didn’t do it, I didn’t do it, I didn’t . . . I didn’t do anything! Ahh!”

---

LOUEN

“LOVE, come on. Wake up, Louen. Please, my love, wake up.” I can hear Leusam’s voice; he’s calling me and he’s crying. “My love, please wake up. I need you.” I could feel his breath on my skin. “Wake up, please,” he begged.

I started hearing the loud sound of the siren. I felt his hands on my hand which gave me the strength to wake up. I slowly opened my eyes.

“Yes, there you are, my love.” He hugged me and kissed my forehead when I met his gaze.

‘Where am I?’ I asked myself and realized that we were inside an ambulance. When he let go of me, I glanced to my side where I saw Tabi covered with blood.

“Tabi!” Umupo ako at mabilis na hinawakan ang kanyang kamay habang pinagmamasdan siyang punong-puno ng dugo. “Please, Tabi. Mommy’s here,” I whispered on her ears as tears fell from my eyes. “Baby, Mommy’s here. Can you hear me?”

Sobrang bigat ng aking pakiramdam, sobrang bilis din ng pagtibok ng aking puso, at nananaig ang takot sa aking buong sistema.

‘Parang awa N’yo na ho, iligtas N’yo ang aking anak,’ I was begging and I wish that He could hear me. ‘Please spare my Tabi.’

Leusam hugged me from my back while I kept kissing Tabi’s little hand.

“Tabi is strong, Mommy knows that. My Tabi is strong.” Pilit kong pinalalakas ang aking loob at ipinaririnig sa kanya ang aking boses. “M-My Tabi is s-strong, my T-Tabi will p-pass through this. R-Right, Tabi?” My voice cracked and I sobbed so loud.

“M-Mommy . . .”

Agad kong iniangat ang aking ulo nang marinig ang mahinang bulong ni Tabi.

“Tabi!” Mas lumakas ang aking pag-iyak nang makitang hindi niya magawang imulat ang kanyang isang mata dahil sa sugat doon. “Yes, Tabi, M-Mommy is h-here.”

She tried to smile even though blood was coming out of her mouth. I couldn’t breathe well while watching her suffer.

“D-Do you feel o-ouchie , baby?” I asked. Halos habulin ko na ang paghinga ko habang sinasabi iyon. Hindi ko siya kayang panoorin nang ganito.

Nahihirapan na siyang magsalita pero sinubukan niya pa rin sumagot. Leusam hugged me and we both held Tabi’s hand.

“We’re almost there, baby,” Leusam whispered in pain.

Hirap na tumango muli si Tabi habang unti-unting ipinipikit ang kanyang mga mata.

“Tabi, be strong. Don’t leave Mommy, you promise.” I gasped some air. “Tabi, you promise Mommy, right? Don’t leave Mommy,” I whispered into her ears and kissed the side of her eyes. She nodded but this time, her eyes closed.

Biglang bumukas ang ambulansiyang sinasakyan namin at agad kinuha si Tabi para itakbo sa loob ng ospital. We were running but I didn’t let go of her hand.

“Almost there, Tabi,” I whispered. Leusam was pushing her hospital bed as fast as he could together with the nurses.

As we arrived in front of the ER, biglang naghabol ng hininga si Tabi kaya halos mapaluhod ako sa takot at pag-iyak.

“Tabi, Mommy is here! Tabi!”

Leusam held my shoulder and made me let go of her. The nurses brought her inside.

As the emergency door closed, I burst out even more; I almost lay on the floor.

“Louen, you’re bleeding,” Leusam whispered. I touched my head and saw blood on my fingers.

“I’m okay!” I said, crying.

He didn’t answer and just hugged me so tight.

After a few minutes, the door opened again. Leusam guided me to stand up.

“Does your daughter have anemia?” the doctor asked.

I instantly nodded as an answer.

Leusam harshly grabbed the doctor’s lab gown. “What do you fcking mean?! My daughter’s life is in danger and you’re telling me that we can’t proceed yet to the operation because you don’t fcking know her medical condition?!”

Hindi ko na alam ang gagagawin ko. Gustuhin ko mang awatin si Leusam pero nawawalan ako ng lakas. Nanghihina na lang akong napaupo muli sa sahig at tinakpan ang aking bibig habang patuloy ako sa pag-iyak.

“Y-Yes, daddy. It’s more dangerous for her to proceed with the operation without studying her medical condition,” sagot ng doktor kaya napayuko na lang ako at sinabunutan ang aking sarili.

“I’ll do the operation!”

Unti-unti kong iniangat ang aking ulo nang makita ang humihingal na si Lynus. I cried even more. Thank you, Lord.

“I will do the operation because I’m that child’s personal doctor,” Lynus said and walked in front of us. He kneels in front of me and kissed my forehead. “I’m here, we’ll save Tabi again,” he said and smiled at me.

“Thank you,” I said.

He kissed my head and stood up. Leusam hugged him and Lynus smiled at him.

“I got this, Kuya,” he whispered before he went inside the ER.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” I keep whispering, thanking God from above.

Lynus will save Tabi. He will.

---

AFTER hours of waiting, Lynus stepped out of the ER.

“How is she?” Leusam asked him. Lynus looked at me and sighed.

“Still in a critical state, but we are doing everything we can. We’ll move her to another room. Don’t worry, this will take time but I promise I will save her,” he said, and that’s when my vision slowly turned blurry.

“Louen?” Leusam called my name before I fell and totally lost consciousness.

---

LEUSAM

I WAS seated in the space between Louen’s bed and Tabi. Louen lost consciousness while waiting for news about Tabi. I couldn’t believe that this day would come to us. Seeing them both like this felt like a living hell. If I didn’t leave them there, maybe this wouldn’t happen.

I glanced at the door when it opened and Lynus stepped in. “Your men are outside,” he said and checked my daughter’s situation.

“Can you stay here for a while? I’ll just go somewhere,” I said. It seemed like he understood it already. He took my seat and nodded.

“Do what you need to do, I’ll be here,” he said and smiled at me.

“Where are you going?”

I stopped when Louen opened her eyes and looked at me. I walked back to her and kissed her forehead. “Wait for me, okay?” I whispered.

“Come back quickly,” she said. I nodded before I stepped out of the room and faced my men.

I seriously looked at them and ask them. “What did you get?”

“Ma’am Sabrille owns the car, sir.”

I clenched my jaw in anger. I knew it.

“Give me my keys and guard my wife and daughter,” I said, and they handed me my keys. I grabbed his gun before I left the hospital.

Wait for me, Louen, Tabi. I will just force someone to pay debts.

---

I RUSHED to Sab’s house. I didn’t bother knocking on her door—I kicked it forcefully, and as I opened it, I saw her sitting on her couch, calm as if she f*cking did nothing.

“Timothy, you’re here,” she said and stood up. “I know you will choose m—”

Before she could get near me, I strangled her neck. “How dare you do that to my family?! I’m going to f*cking kill you!” I shouted out loud. Then I pointed my gun at her head using my other hand.

“They deserve it! They are trying to get you from m—” She gasped for air as I tightened my grip on her neck.

“You will gonna regret what you did to my family,” I darkly whispered.

Then suddenly, the door opened. Police officers stepped inside and pointed their guns at me. “Itaas mo ang kamay mo!” they shouted.

What the f*ck is this?

“Help! He’s trying to r*pe me!” Sab suddenly shouted. The police attacked me and put me on the ground.

“I didn’t f*cking touch her! I’m going to kill her!” I hissed.

“Manahimik ka!” they said and brought me to the police station.

What the f*ck is this?! Tabi and Louen are waiting for me!

---

LOUEN

WE had been waiting for Leusam for almost five hours and still, he’s not coming back. It’s already dawn.

Sa gitna ng pag-aalala ay nagulat ako nang biglang tumayo si Lynus habang hawak ang kanyang cell phone.

“Bakit? Ano’ng nangyayari?” I asked him.

He looked at me. “Kinulong si Kuya because of rape. Sabrielle accused him, but I know that was a trap. Mom and Sab are into something,” he seriously said.

I stood up. “Pupuntahan ko si Leu—” Hindi ko natapos ang sasabihin ko nang biglang tumunog ang machine na nakakabit kay Tabi. Naging kritikal muli ang lagay niya.

“I need to check her,” Lynus said and instantly checked Tabi.

I was left dumbfounded. Hindi ko na alam kung ano ang uunahin ko. Tabi needed Leusam, and I needed him too to face this.

I will get my man from them!

Paglabas ko ng pinto, nakabangga ko si Six. “Louen, nasaan si Tabi?” tanong niya sa akin.

“Ikaw muna ang bahala kay Tabi,” I said. I knew that confused him but I quickly stepped out of the hospital and headed straight to the Jimenez’s mansion.

---

“BUKSAN n’yo ’to! Buksan n’yo!” I shouted in front of Jimenez’s mansion’s gate. My eyes fired up when I saw her mom and Sabrielle stepping out of the door.

“What are you doing here, dirty poor rat?!” Leusam’s mom said and stood in front of the gate.

“Alam ko ang binabalak n’yo! Ibalik n’yo sa ’kin si Leusam! Alam kong kayo ang may pakana nito para hindi namin siya makasama! Napakasama n’yo! At ikaw, sa oras na malaman kong may kinalaman ka sa nangyari sa anak ko, hinding-hindi kita sasantuhin, at sa oras na may mangyaring masama sa kanya, mananagot kayong dalawa!” Inilabas ko na ang lahat ng aking galit.

“You can’t save your child because you’re poor, and Leusam will never be part of your life; put that in your mind! Guard, throw this rat somewhere she belongs,” Leusam’s mom said. The guards on duty followed her order. They brought me out of the subdivision and threw me into the street like I was trash.

I shed tears and self-pitied. How can I save both of them right now?

“You look messy.”

Napalingon ako nang may tumigil na sasakyan sa aking harapan at nakita ko si Ash.

“Ash . . .” I whispered.

He smiled a bit and stepped out of his car.

“You’re here . . .” kapos-hininga kong sambit.

“I was just passing by until I saw my long-lost sister,” he explained before he smirked. “I didn’t expect you would look messy like this,” he playfully said.

I cried and hugged him tight. But he hushed me right away and carried meto his car. “I think it’s time to go home.” He started his car’s engine anddrove our way home.

I kept crying until we reached our house. He opened the door for me and held my hand.

“Let’s go. We both know that they are the ones you need right now,” he said. He kissed my forehead before he opened the door.

When the door opened, I saw Mom and Dad. They both looked thinner and old. Hindi ako nakapagsalita, basta na lang akong umiyak nang makita sila. They both walked in my direction and hugged me.

“You’re back,” Dad said and kissed my forehead.

“Where have you been?” Mom said and cried in my arms. “What happened to you?” Tiningnan niya ang sugat ko sa noo at kung gaano ako karumi.

“I’m sorry . . .” I whispered and slowly kneel in front of them. “I’m sorry . . .” I shook my head and leaned my head on their shoes.

“No, don’t do that, Louen, anak ko.” Mom pulled me up and hugged me. “We’re sorry that we made you feel miserable. It’s our fault,” Mom said and kept kissing me.

I cried in their arms. Ngayon ko lang uli naramdaman ang salitang ‘tahanan.’ They are my home.

“Mom, Dad, I need you.” They looked at me and wiped my tears like I was still a little girl crying in their arms. “My daughter needs you,” I said.

“Bring us to her,” Dad said and held my hand so tight.

---

MY family and I went to the hospital and waited for updates outside the operating room regarding Tabi’s health situation. After a while, Lynus stepped out of the operating room, removing his gloves and mask.He was crying. When he saw me, he walked toward me and hugged me.

“L-Lynus?” I asked in fear. “What happened to my daughter?”

He cried in my arms and whispered. “She’s now safe.”

I sighed deeply in relief. Then I felt everyone hugged me. Thank God!

After a few moments, the doctors explained that Tabi was already stable. Her existing condition was also manageable. She just needed to take some medications to maintain her body condition and manage the symptoms. Hopefully, blood transfusions would be out of the picture.

It was really a miracle and a blessing from above. Looking forward that she can finally live a normal life.

---

“MA’AM LOUEN, we already have the warrant of arrest.”

Napalingon ako nang dumating ang personal attorney ni Dad. Napatunayan na si Sab ang bumangga kay Tabi at sa pagkakataong ito ay pupuntahan namin siya kasama ang mga pulis para hulihin. Kasabwat ang mom ni Leusam sa pagtatago nito kaya may posibilidad na makasuhan din ito.

---

“WALA akong kasalanan! Leusam is mine! He’s mine!” Sabrielle shouted as they put handcuffs on her wrist. I couldn’t control my anger. I grabbed her hair so hard and slapped her face multiple times.

“You’ll rot in jail!” sigaw ko at patuloy siyang pinagsasampal. Kung hindi lang ako inawat ng mga pulis ay baka puro dugo na ang kanyang mukha.

Dinala na namin siya sa police station. Pagdating namin dito ay naabutan namin ang mommy ni Leusam na naaresto na rin ng mga pulis.

“How dare you do this to me, you rat!” Leusam’s mom shouted in my face.

Hindi naman na ako lumaban pa, pero nagulat ako nang si Mommy ang sumampal sa kanya.

“Don’t you dare call my daughter a rat!” Mom said and slapped her again. “Bring her inside the jail!” utos niya sa mga pulis. Pero bago tuluyang maipasok sa rehas ang magkasabwat na ito ay may sinabi pa si Mommy.

“And let me tell you this: My daughter is the heir of Del Mundo Real Estate and the Perez Corporation, so don’t you ever call her rat.”

Marahang hinila ko na si Mommy para hindi na lumala pa ang sagutan nila. Maya-maya ay dumating naman si Leusam.

“Louen!” tawag niya sa akin at niyakap ako nang mahigpit. “I’m sorry . . .”

“Tabi is fine now,” I whispered.

“Thank God,” he weakly said and sheds tears in front of me.

I wiped his tears and hugged him again. After a few moments, I invited him to go back to the hospital to see Tabitha.

“I’m okay now. No ouchie anymore, Mommy, Daddy!” Tabi greeted us as we opened the door.

We chuckled and I whispered to him, “Yes, no more ouchie .”

EPILOGUE

THE GREATEST STRIPPER

LOUEN

Three years later . . .

I WENT up to the stage and slowly walked toward the pole as Young and Beautiful by Lana Del Rey started playing.

I gripped tight on the pole as I let out some gravity off my body and slowly lift it up. I moved slowly, followed the music, and did a maxime trick on the upper part of the pole. Those dark eyes were locked into my body movements. My hair kept following as I sway my body around the pole.

I was once a young lady lost in the sea of selfishness. All I thought about at that time was myself. I perhaps lost myself multiple times, but being lost led me to the people who unexpectedly stay ’til the end.

I might be lost, but I still woke up in the reality of life. Losing yourself doesn’t mean it is the end of your life. Losing yourself is the beginning of finding your better self.

I smiled when I almost finished the music. I realized that my life wouldn’t be this great if I didn’t lose myself. I became a stripper for a reason. And now I have seen my worth.

I’m the greatest stripper, the woman who will do anything for her daughter.

I got off the pole and slowly bowed my head as I finished my whole performance.

A loud clap from the crowd filled my ears, but my eyes were only looking at him. He was sitting along with the crowd with Tabi on his lap; they were both smiling at me, showing me how proud they were at that time.

“Mommy!” Tabi shouted and gave me a thumbs-up as she winked. I smiled at her before I walked to the backstage and covered my body with Leusam’s jacket.

After covering my body, I joined with them. We patiently waited the announcement of winner of this pole dancing competition.

Yes, I still pursued my dream, and my heart trembled in nervousness. Leusam and Tabi just held my hands to calm my heart.

“You will win, Mommy,” Tabi whispered into my ears and giggled. I pinched her cheeks and kissed her forehead.

“Mommy already won because I have Tabi and Daddy beside me,” I said, making her giggle even more.

“Sshh.”

Napalingon kami kay Leusam nang sawayin niya kami.

“They’re about to announce the winner,” he said and wrapped his arms around my waist. Nanahimik ako sa tabi niya at gano’n din si Tabi. Parehas kaming nagpigil ng tawa hanggang sa magsimula na ang announcement of winner.

“And the winner of our pole dancing competition is no other than . . . Mrs. Louen Jimenez!”

My lips parted and everything suddenly went silent. Parang nag-slow-mo ang lahat sa akin. Kitang-kita ko kung paano magtatalon sa tuwa sina Tabi at Leusam.

I looked back and saw Mom and Dad smiling at me, teary-eyed. Ash was smiling at me too.

“I won?” I asked Leusam.

“Yes, my love. Now go get that trophy,” he said and kissed my forehead before he let me go.

Tiningnan ko si Tabitha at inabot ang kanyang kamay. “Can you go with Mommy?” I asked her. She suddenly felt shy but later on, she slowly reached for my hand, looked at her dad, and walked up the stage.

“Congratulation, Mrs. Jimenez. See you in the national competition,” one of the famous pole dancers, Miss Kelly Covey, said and handed me the trophy.

Nang mahawakan ko ang trophy, lumuhod ako at hinarap si Tabi. She looked confused, but when I gave her the trophy, she slowly gave me a sweet smile.

“I’m proud of you, Mommy,” she said.

I closed my eyes and smiled. “That’s all I need to hear,” I whispered. Then I carried Tabi, faced the audience, and smiled proudly, carrying the greatest trophy I have ever received.

My Tabitha . . .

---

SIX

“WALA pa ring kupas, DJ Six,” Drake said as I stepped out of the DJ booth and had some drinks.

“We can grow old but not our talents, bro,” I answered and took a sip of my margarita.

“Do you have someone right now? Don’t you have any date today? I mean it’s Valentine, bro,” he said while looking at the crowd.

“I lost my date three years ago,” I said and smiled bitterly.

“Really?”

I glanced beside me as I heard a familiar voice. My heart skipped a beat when our eyes met.

“E-Erille?” The way I uttered her name sounded like a gasp. This can’t be real!

“Kumusta, gag*?” she playfully said and smiled at me.

I couldn’t waste time. I lost Erille back then, and I might lose her again. I cupped her face and kissed her without any hesitation. I finally have her in my arms after so many years of waiting.

As our lips parted, I still didn’t waste any second. “I love you, Erille. I have always been in love with you,” I said and shed tears in front of her.

“I know. That’s why I came back. Gusto kong pakasalan kang gag* ka,” she said and initiated the kiss.

“How about Jackson?” I asked after our tight hug and passionate kiss.

She smiled at me. “He’s always been a good friend.”

I sighed. This is a relief.

“I love you, Erille!”

---

LOUEN

“GOOD night, Tabi,” mahina kong sambit habang dahan-dahan siyang ibinababa sa kanyang kama.

“Tabi is proud of you, Mommy. You are the best pole dancer in my life. When I grow up, I want to be like you, Mommy,” she whispered and kissed me before I walked toward the door and turned off the light inside her room.

“Hi.”

Napalingon ako sa pinto ng kuwarto namin nang tawagin ni Leusam ang atensiyon ko. I couldn’t control my smile when he winked at me.

“Can I have my greatest stripper tonight?” he gently said and widely opened the door for me.

I chuckled and took my steps close to him. “At your service, Sir Jimenez,” I said.

“Yes, Mrs. Jimenez.”

Yes, I’m proud to say that I was once the greatest stripper, and I will always be . . . for him.

THE END

SPECIAL CHAPTER 1

PARENTS  LOVE

Cybelle’s Point of View

“Kids are already asleep,” I said, as I stepped inside our room, after dealing with Louen and Ashton. They never stop playing inside their rooms.

Milo put his laptop on the side of the bed, looking at me while taking off those glasses. “You look pale, are you ok?” he gently asks, as he instantly reaches my head and guides me to lay beside him.

I let out a deep breath before I answered, “Maybe, the kids are growing up, their energy is boosting up, even more, and I can’t cope up anymore.” Milo chuckled at my answer and he started rubbing my head.

“These past few days, I often see you look so pale, and you’re always dizzy. Are you sure you’re, ok? Why don’t we go to the hospital tomorrow for a checkup?” nag-aalala niyang sambit at hinalikan ang gilid ng aking ulo.

“We don’t need to, and isa pa mag sisimula na’rin akong bumalik sa hospital sa friday. I’m fine don’t worry about me,” sambit ko at pinalupot ang aking braso sa kanyang katawan.

He hugged me back and rested his chin on my head, “I cannot stop worrying about you,” he whispered, “I love you, and all I want is your safety.” The way he speaks makes me feel calm, so I close my eyes and lean on his chest.

“I’m safe when I’m in your arms, that means you’re all I need,” tugon ko, naramdaman kong ngumiti siya bago dahan-dahang inangat ang aking mukha. We look at each other before he charmingly smiles and whispers.

“I know you need me, and that goes the same way with me. I need you, and I want you,” sa tono ng pananalita niya agad kong naintindihan ang nais nitong iparating sa kanyang huling sinabi.

“Don’t even think about it, Milo, na sa kabilang kwarto lang yung mga bat—,” he cut me out with a fast peck of a kiss.

“The room is soundproof,” he said and intensely stared at my lips.

— CONTINUATION WILL BE IN THE PHYSICAL BOOK—

SPECIAL CHAPTER 2

SIX X RIE

Erille’s Point of View

“Erille,” tumigil ako sa paglalakad ng tawagin ni Jackson ang pangalan ko, I urge a smile before I face him. I’m so thankful to have him in my life, he’s the one who saved me from misery, he teaches me all the things I need to know in life, and he changed my life, my soul, and the way my heart beats.

“Jack,” sambit ko ng harapin siya, agad kong binitawan ang hawak kong maleta at muling tumakbo papalapit sa kanya, niyakap ko siya ng sobrang higpit at hindi ko napigilang tumulo ang aking luha.

Hindi sapat ang salitang salamat para sa lahat ng ginawa niya para sa akin, “Thank you so much, alam kong hindi nito matutumbasan ang mga ginawa mo sa akin, pero sobrang akong nagpapalasamat sayo Jack,” mahina kong sambit.

He wipes my tears and smiles at me like he always does, “You are worth it, and you will always be,” he whispers, leaning up to kiss my forehead. Simula ng dalhin niya ako dito sa ibang bansa, never niyang pinilit sa akin ang kanyang sarili.

Pero hindi ’rin siya nagkulang na iparamdam sa akin ang kanyang nararamdaman. Kahit na ganun alam ko sa aking sarili na kahit anong aking gawin may nagiisang taong nagnakaw ng aking puso. “Now, go back there and get your man back. Don’t forget to invite me to your wedding ok,” he joked, and once again he hugged me filled with gentleness and love.

SPECIAL CHAPTER 2 TO BE CONTINUED

THE WHOLE SPECIAL CHAPTER IS AVAILABLE ON THE GREATEST STRIPPER PHYSICAL BOOK

AVAILABLE ON PSICOM ONLINE SHOPS AND IN ALL NATIONAL BOOKS STORE

FOR ONLY 250 PESOS. 

SHOPEE LINK: 

https://shopee.ph/Psicom-The-Greatest-Stripper-by-Dawnvellichor-(R-18)-i.56563909.25918273286

SPECIAL CHAPTER 3

TABITHA’S FIRST LOVE

“Who are you?” I said. ‘Where is Tata?’

“I’m Henry. I’m eight years old. How about you? What is your name?” 

“My name is Tabitha but you can call me Tabi. What happened to your hand?” I asked, looking at his hand. 

“I twisted my ankle yesterday because I was playing basketball. How about you? Are you sick? Are you gonna die?” 

“I’m a little bit ouchie but I will not die. Mommy said I will be cured.”

“If you’re not going to die, will you be my wife when I became taller?” 

‘Wife? What is that?’

“Okay,” I answered. 

“Okay then. Promise me that you’ll marry me when I’m taller,” he said. 

‘I love promises!’ I smiled and nodded. 

“I promise to marry you when you’re taller.” I giggled. 

SPECIAL CHAPTER 2 TO BE CONTINUED

THE WHOLE SPECIAL CHAPTER IS AVAILABLE ON THE GREATEST STRIPPER PHYSICAL BOOK

AVAILABLE ON PSICOM ONLINE SHOPS AND IN ALL NATIONAL BOOKS STORE

FOR ONLY 250 PESOS.

SHOPEE LINK:

https://shopee.ph/Psicom-The-Greatest-Stripper-by-Dawnvellichor-(R-18)-i.56563909.25918273286