The Love of Homophobic

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

All rights reserved . No part of this story may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, without the prior permission of the author. Plagiarism is a crime.

Month started: Month ended:

Note: Second generation.

Chapter 1

Love at first sight

“Where do you want to go, Greyson?” my dad asked as we got into the car. I was only four years old then, and it was the first time my parents made time for me. They were always busy with work, but I never held it against them.

Naiintindihan ko naman na para sa kinabukasan ko din iyon. That’s always what my Nana said to me.

I smiled at my Daddy and clapped my hands happily, “In the mall! I want toys, Daddy!”

My mother gently ran her fingers through my hair, as if trying to calm me down. I was the type of child who was always happy and laughing, full of energy, and unable to sit still.

“Okay, okay, baby. But we might not even make it to the mall if you wear yourself out first,” she laughed.

But I had no idea that day would be the worst of my life. The next thing I knew, the car was flipping, and my parents were shielding me with their bodies.

Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyayari noon. Masyadong mabilis at sunod ko nalang naramdaman ay ang malakas kong pag-iyak dahil naliligo ako ng dugo at sa sakit ng katawan.

And the blood was from my parents.

“M-Mommy? D-Daddy?” I tried to look at them, but their eyes were closed. They were covered in blood, and they weren’t responding.

Narinig ko ang tunog ng ambulansya at paglabas nila sa amin mula sa kotse. Tulala lamang ako at nakatitig sa magulang ko na isinasakay sa sasakyan habang nakahiga sa stretcher.

Gusto kong sumigaw at tawagin ang pangalan nila ngunit walang lumalabas ng boses sa akin. Hindi matanggap ng utak ko ang pangyayari.

And when I found out that my parents were dead, I felt like I lost everything. We were a small family, and we didn’t have any relatives in the country.

I waited for Nana to visit me, but she never came.

Napunta ako sa ampunan at mga madre ang nag-alaga sa akin. Gabi-gabi parin akong binabangungot dahil sa aksidenteng iyon kaya nilayo ko ang sarili sa iba.

The once cheerful Greyson changed. At an early age, I was drowning in fear and sadness until I met Mama Jaime and Daddy Casthan, who gave me a new home.

“Greyson?” I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard Mama’s soft voice.

Ibinaba ko ang librong binabasa ko at agad tumayo upang pagbuksan si Mama.

Bumungad sa akin ang nag-aalalang mukha niya. “You okay? Kanina pa kita tinatawag.” aniya.

“Okay lang po, Mama. Masyadong nalunod lang sa pagbabasa ng libro.” I laughed a little. “Bakit niyo po pala ako tinatawag?”

He pursed his lips and furrowed his brows. “You forgot again. Didn’t I tell you that your Daddy’s friends were coming over?

I gasped a little, “Oo nga po pala. I’m sorry, Ma. I forgot it again. Anong oras po ba? Para makaligo na po ako.”

Napaigtad ako nang pisilin ni Mama ang pisngi ko habang natatawa. “Nandyan na sila. It’s already 7 in the evening,”

“Po? Gabi na?” gulat kong tanong sabay sulyap sa wall clock ng kwarto ko. Alas-siete na nga. Hindi ko napansin ang oras dahil sa binabasa kong libro.

“Yes, Greyson. Why don’t you ever open your windows? You keep the curtains closed, so you don’t even notice what’s going on outside.”

Yumuko ako at napakamot na lang sa likuran ng ulo ko, “I’m sorry, Mama.”

Muli siyang tumawa at ginulo ang buhok ko, “Wag kang mag-sorry. Hindi naman ako galit. Yung Daddy mo, oo. Kanina ka pa niya gusto makita. Alam mo namang gusto n’on makita tayong dalawa tuwing uuwi siya galing trabaho” he smiled at me dearly before he excusing himself. “O siya, maligo ka na at sumunod doon sa baba.”

Ngumiti ako at hinalikan ang pisngi niya. “I will, Mama. I love you.” malambing kong sinabi.

“I love you most…” ngiti niya at umalis na.

Nag-ayos muna ako ng kwarto bago mapag-pasiyahang maligo. Sa totoo lang ay ayokong bumaba ngunit ayaw kong magtampo si Mama sa akin. Hanggang ngayon iwas parin ako sa tao.

Throughout high school, I never made any friends. I didn’t feel sad about it, in fact, I was more comfortable that way.

I put on a long-sleeve black shirt paired with navy blue cotton shorts. I decided to leave my shoulder-length hair down since it was still damp.

Hindi ko naman ginustong magpahaba ng buhok ngunit mapilit si Mama dahil naaalala niya daw yung long hair ni Daddy Casthan noon at saka gustong-gusto niya ang kulay ng buhok ko.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I wasn’t fair-skinned, but I was pale. I had a pink and white complexion that I despised the most. It was my fault, though, because I hardly ever went outside. I spent most of my time locked in my room, reading the books Daddy Casthan bought for me.

I stared at my gray eyes. Muli kong naalala ang totoo kong tatay. Namana ko ito sa kaniya kasabay ng mahahaba kong pilik mata. My small, pointed nose came from my mother, as did my lips that always seemed to pout. I was thankful for my pinkish lips, at least, because they kept me from looking like a corpse with my pale skin.

Pagkatapos ayusin ang sarili ay bumaba na ako at dumiretso sa dining room. Agad bumungad ang ingay nila nang makababa ako. Nang makapasok ako sa dining room ay nahinto sila at agad na napatingin sa akin.

Nagtataka ako sa gulat nilang reaksyon kaya tinignan ko din ang sarili. May dumi ba ako?

“May anak ka palang babae, Casthan?!” Nagulat ako sa sigaw ni Tita Chloe. Napatingin ako sa kaniya at nakita kong hinahampas niya ang Daddy. “Bakit mo inilihim sa amin?!” dagdag pa nito.

“What the fuck are you saying, crazy woman? He’s Greyson, our only child.” inis na sambit ni Daddy habang inilalayo niya ang sarili sa kamay ni Tita Chloe.

“That’s Greyson? He looks like a girl!” segunda naman ni Tito Caius. Nahihiya akong ngumiti at umupo sa tabi ni Mama.

“M-Magandang gabi po.” bati k at bahagyang yumuko.

“You look like a girl with your hair down. I’ve never seen you with it down before. You usually have it tied up when we visit. You’re a pretty child,” Aunt Chloe said. I felt my cheeks heat up and didn’t know what to say.

Sumulyap ako sa wrist ko upang tignan kung may tali ngunit wala. Naiwan ko pala da taas. Pinagsisihan ko agad na inilugay ko ang buhok ko.

“Stop it, Chloe. He’s handsome not pretty. He’s a boy, can’t you see?” iritadong sagot ni Daddy.

Tumawa ang huli, “Ang sungit naman nito. Alam kong lalaki siya pero masyadong maamo ang mukha para maging lalaki.” Lumipat ang tingin niya sa akin. “Greyson, gawin kitang babae gusto mo?” She joked.

Magsasalita na sana ulit si Daddy ngunit biglang tumunog ang doorbell.

“Sino ’yon?” tanong ni Mama at umaktong tatayo ngunit pinigilan ko siya.

“A-Ako na po magbubukas, Mama.” Nang tumango siya ay dali-dali akong umalis doon. Hindi ko kinaya ang mga pinagsasabi nila at kinakabahan ako sa topic na ’yon.

Panay ang pindot ng kung sino sa doorbell, bahagyang kumunot ang noo ko dahil sa ingay.

Hindi makapaghintay?

I hurried to the door and turned the knob to open it. “Who is i—” My words got caught in my throat as my eyes landed on the face of a man I had never seen before.

I could immediately smell his perfume, and for some reason, I had the sudden urge to hug him just to breathe in that scent.

We locked eyes, and the moment I saw his jet-black eyes, I felt hypnotized, as if my breath had been stolen. My ears seemed to go deaf as my heart pounded loudly in my chest. I couldn’t move, and I just wanted to keep staring at him forever.

“What are you staring at, stupid fuck?” Doon ako nagising sa marahas niyang lengguwahe. Napagtanto ko ang kahihiyang ginawa ko at agad na umalis sa harapan niya para magbigay daan papasok.

“Where are they?”

“D-Dining r-room…” nauutal kong sagot at hinawakan ang tiyan ko. Ramdam ko ang kiliti doon na dala ng malalim niyang boses.

He walked past me towards the dining room while I stood there, dumbfounded, watching his retreating figure.

His messy yet soft-looking hair swayed as he walked. I couldn’t help but notice the two long lines etched into his hair. He looked like a bad boy with his haircut.

Tinapik ko ang dibdib upang mapakalma ang aking nagwawalang puso.

Ano ’tong nararamdaman ko?

Once I managed to steady myself, I walked back to the dining room, keeping my head down as I returned to my seat beside Mama. I could feel the man’s piercing eyes on me.

“Zeus, this is Greyson, the son of your Tita Jaime and Tito Casthan. This is the first time you’ve seen him because you never join us for gatherings like this. What made you come today?” tanong ni tito Caius sa lalaki.

Zeus? Even his name was screaming authority.

“Dad threatened me.” malamig nitong sagot kaya natawa sila tito at tita.

“Introduce yourself to Greyson, son.” utos ni Tito Gaze kaya napaanggat ako ng tingin.

Zeus sneered when he saw me looking at him before speaking, “What are we, in kindergarten?” he replied sarcastically.

“Zeus!” Uncle Caius scolded.

“Don’t make me repeat myself, young man.” Uncle Gaze said in a cold voice, halos manlamig ako doon. I saw how his husband held his arms.

“Fine!” Zeus stood up abruptly and extended his hand towards me. He looked like he wanted to crush me with his glare.

“I’m Zeus,” maikli niyang sinabi kaya napatayo na ako at inabot ang kamay niya. Nanlambot ang tuhod ko sa kuryenteng dala ng mainit niyang palad. Mabuti na lang at hindi ako natumba sa kinatatayuan ko.

“I-I’m Grey-”

“And I hate you.” pagputol niya sa sinabi ko at agad inalis ang pagkakahawak ng kamay namin.

“Zeus!” Saway ng lahat ngunit tumalikod ang lalaki at naglakad na paalis.

Ako naman ay nakaawang ang bibig habang sinusundan siya ng tingin.

Mabilis ang tibok ng puso ko kaya napahawak ako d’on.

Is this what you called love at first sight?

Chapter 2

Miserable

“Congratulation, Greyson!” pagbati ni Mama at sinalubong ako pagkababa ko ng stage. Ngumiti ako at binigay ko sa kaniya ang diplomang hawak ko. His eyes glistened in tears and hugged me.

“I’m so proud of you!” sigaw niya.

“Thank you, Mama. This is all for you and Dad.” ani ko sabay yakap pabalik sa kaniya.

Ramdam ko ang mga tingin ng mga tao sa amin. Ang iba ay may namamangha, ang iba naman ay may disgusto sa mukha. Hindi ko iyon pinagtuonan ng pansin at dumiretso kami ni Mama sa upuan kung nasaan si Dad.

Ganiyan naman ang mga tao. Huhusgahan ka nila na parang alam nila ang buong pagkatao mo. Ikaw din ang talo kapag nagpaapekto ka. Kahit naman kasi ipagtanggol mo ang sarili mo, wala kang magagawa. Ikaw din sa huli ang lalabas na mali.

“Greyson,” tawag ni Dad nang makalapit kami ni Mama. Tumayo siya at niyakap ako, “Congrats, son. I’m so proud of you. I know you’ll be the Summa Cum Laude here in your school.”

Ngumiti ako sa kaniya ng humiwalay siya sa yakap, “Thanks to the books you gave to me, Dad. Saka po gusto kong suklian ang pag-aalaga niyo sa akin.”

“You don’t need to do that, son. Having you in our side is enough. We don’t want to pressure you. We just want you to be happy.” Uminit ang mata ko dahil sa sinabi niya. He’s the best Dad ever. Kahit na hindi halata dahil mukha siyang masungit at strikto pero siya ang tatay na hihilingiin mong sana ay magkaroon ka.

I’m too spoiled even if I don’t want to. Yung kasayahan na akala ko binawi noong bata pa ako ay ibinalik nila. I’m so lucky to have them. Hinding hindi ko sila ikakahiya. Kahit maraming humuhusga sa kanila at sa akin.

“I love you, Dad. Kayo ni Mama, mahal ko kayo sobra.” sinsero kong sinabi na nakapagpangiti sa kanila.

Umalis na kami ng school at napagpasiyahang umuwi na. May inihandang handaan sina Mama para sa akin at laking tuwa ko ng sabihin niyang dadalo sina Tito Gaze.

Sana ay makita ko ulit si Zeus dahil pagkatapos noong gabing una ko siyang makita ay hindi na siya kailanman sumama kina Tito Caius sa pagpunta sa bahay. It’s been more than a year since the last time I saw him.

Hanggang stalk na lang ang ginagawa ko. I tried to stalked him online but his facebook account was private. Ang tanging nakuha ko lang ay ang profile picture niya.

Agad kong ni-save iyon sa cellphone ko. Napakagwapo niya ’don. The picture seemed like a stolen one. Naka-side view siya at malalim ang titig kung saan. Nadepina ang kaniyang makapal na kilay at matangos na ilong. Ang ganda ng mata niya dahil parang may eyeliner na nakalagay, but I know it was natural. Lalong umitim ang mga mata niya dahilan na parang nalulunod ka kapag nakatingin d’on.

I tried to follow him but when I woke up in the next morning, my account was blocked. Ikinalungkot ko iyon ng sobra kasabay ng pagtataka. Hindi ko alam kung bakit galit na galit siya sa akin ’e hindi pa naman kami nagkikita maliban sa gabing ’yon.

Nang makarating kami sa bahay ay dumiretso ako sa kwarto upang makapagbihis na. Muli akong naligo at nag-ayos, nagbabakasakaling makita ko ulit si Zeus.

I admitted it. It was love at first sight, and he’s my first love. Hindi pa ito alam ng mga magulang ko ngunit alam na nila na katulad nila ako. I’m a gay by heart.

Simula noong sabihan nila akong mukhang babae dahil sa buhok ko ay nagpagupit ako kahit ayaw ni Mama. Medyo mahaba parin naman siya pero hindi na natatalian. Mas gusto ko ang naging bagong gupit ko kahit na para akong may bangs kapag hindi ko hinahawi pataas.

“Greyson? Nandyan na sila Tito at Tita mo. Bumaba kana.” ani ni Mama habang kumakatok sa pinto. Lumiwanag ang mukha ko at agad lumabas ng kwarto. Nasabayan ko pa si Mama sa paglalakad.

Pagkapasok namin sa living room ay agad hinanap ng mata ko ang presensya ni Zeus, but to my disappointment, wala na naman siya. Bumagsak ang balikat ko at parang gusto ng umakyat ng kwarto upang matulog na lang.

Ngunit napaigtad ako ng biglang may pumutok. Lobo pala ’yon na may confetti at glitters sa loob.

“Congratulations!” sabay-sabay nilang sigaw na ikinagulat ko. Uminit ang pakiramdam ko at ngumiti. Nagbigay sila ng regalo at ang iba ay may cake pa.

Sabay-sabay kaming nagsalo-salo n’on sa dining room. Ang lungkot na dala sa hindi pagpunta ni Zeus ay pinalitan nila. They surprised me and it made me happy.

“So… you’ll be in college next school year, Greyson?” tanong ni tito Gaze sa akin. Uminom muna ako ng tubig bago sumagot sa kaniya.

“Opo, tito.”

“May school ka na bang naisip na pasukan?” Hindi ako agad nakasagot sa tanong ni tito. Sa totoo lang ay mayroon na akong naisip na school. Yun ay ang pagmamay-ari niya ngunit nahihiya akong sabihin kaya mas pinili ko na lang na magsinungaling.

“How about in Dark Olympic University?”

Nanlaki ang mata ko at nagliwanag ang mukha. Si tito na ang nagbibigay daan sa akin para makita ulit si Zeus. Hindi ko kasi sigurado kung papayagan ako nila Dad sa napili kong school. Kaya magandang pangitain ito sa akin.

“S-Sige po, tito. Susubok po ako ng entrance exam diyan.” Tumikhim ako upang mabawasan ang sayang nararamdaman. Ayokong mahalata nila na nagustuhan ko ang offer ni tito.

“That’s nice. Alam kong hindi ka palalabas na tao kaya pwede mo namang i-take ang entrance exam through internet.”

Umiling agad ako, “Ayos lang po, tito. Gusto ko pong pumunta doon para makita ko po kung anong itsura ng school.”

Ngumiti si tito Gaze sa akin, and in a second thought, akala ko si Zeus ang ngumiti sa akin. Kahawig niya ang tatay niya. “Good choice then. Aasahan ko na lang ang pangalan mo sa school.”

“Thank you po, tito.” Nagpatuloy ang kasiyahan hanggang sa matapos na kami kumain at napagpasyahan na nilang umuwi.

Inihatid namin sila palabas at hinintay na makasakay sila ng kanilang mga sasakyan. Nagpasalamat akong muli at kumaway upang magpaalam.

Pagkatapos noon ay tinulungan ko ang mga kasambahay namin bago ako matulog.

“Greyson Castro?” Agad akong tumayo nang marinig ko ang pagtawag sa akin ng guro. Sinikop ko ang mga papel na tapos ko ng sagutan at naglakad patungo sa kaniya.

“We’ll just send you an email.” anito nang makalapit ako.

“Thank you po.” ngiti ko at lumabas na ng kwartong iyon. Huminga ako ng malalim at kinuha ang school map na nasa bulsa ko. Buti na lang ay agad kong natapos ang entrance exam kaya makaka-ikot pa ako sa school ng mga dalawang oras.

Malaki ang ipinagbago ng school kaysa doon sa picture na nakita ko sa google dati nang subukan kong i-search ang school na ’to. Lalong dumami ang mga building at mas naging organize.

This university is for senior high school and college students. And I know Zeus was graduating in Senior High back then when I first met him. At ako naman ay kakastart ko lang ng grade 12.

Ang mga buildings ay naka-organize based on the degree. Alam kong Bachelor of Science in Entrepreneurship ang kinuha ni Zeus kaya iyon din ang kinuha ko. Well, kahit bago ko pa makilala si Zeus ay iyon na talaga ang gusto ko. Gusto ko kasing tulungan si Dad sa kumpanya niya at ni tito Nathan.

Nang makaramdam ako ng gutom ay umupo muna ako sa ilalim ng puno. Doon sa puno na ’yon ay sakop ng paningin mo ang school play grounds. Ang gandang tumambay dito dahil malamig ang simoy ng hangin dala ng naglalakihang puno. Napakaberde pa ng mga damo na ang sarap sa paningin.

Inilabas ko ang dala kong sandwich sa bag at tubig tapos ay kinain ’yon habang tinitignan ang paligid.

Nae-excite ako na kinakabahan. Makikita ko na muli si Zeus. Ano kayang mangyayari sa college life ko?

“What are you doing here, stupid?” Nasamid ako sa kinakain ko at agad uminom ng tubig.

Pinunasan ko agad ang mukha ko at lumingon sa pamilyar na boses na ’yon.

Zeus!

Ayan na naman ang mabilis na tibok na puso ko at ang kiliti sa tiyan ko tuwing nakikita siya. Bakit parang mas lalo siyang tumangkad? Bakit mas lalong lumaki ang katawan niya?

“Don’t fucking stare at me!” Napaigtad ako sa sigaw niya. Napakurap-kurap ako at agad hinawi ang buhok ko na humarang sa mata ko.

Tumayo ako at umiwas ng tingin, “A-Ah… a-ano… I-I took my entrance e-exam…”

Kinagat ko ang labi sa kabang nararamdaman. I probably looked stupid infront of him. Bakit kasi nauutal ako?!

“What the fuck?” He hissed and stepped closer to me. Nahigit ko ang aking hininga ng maamoy ko na namang muli ang kaniyang pabango.

Nagulat ako nang hilahin niya ang collar ng shirt ko at inilapit ang mukha sa akin. Nanlalaki ang mata ko habang nakatitig sa mukha niya. Ramdam ko ang pag-iinit ng mukha ko at pakiramdam ko ay mahihimatay ako sa sobrang lapit namin. I can even smell his minty breath with a faint smell of cigarette.

“I don’t want to see a faggot like you inside my school,” mariing wika niya habang nanlilisik ang itim niyang mata sa akin. Bumaba iyon sa labi ko kaya nakagat ko iyon ng wala sa sarili. Mas lalong dumilim ang mata niya. “If you do, I swear, I will fucking make your college life miserable.” dagdag pa niya at itinulak ako.

Napapikit ako sa sakit nang bumagsak ang pangupo ko sa damuhan. Sinilip ko ang papalayo niyang bulto gamit ang isang mata,

And faggot? What does he mean by that? Is he aware of my sexuality? Is that also the reason why he hate me so much?

Huminga ako ng malalim at pinagpagan ang sarili. Tumayo ako at naglakad na palabas ng school.

Say what you want, Zeus. I will stay in this school. I don’t care if you make my life miserable, if seeing you everyday will be the prize, then so be it.

Chapter 3

Parking lot

Maaga akong gumising para sa unang araw ng klase ko sa college. I have this smile on my face while I’m taking a bath. Inayos ko ang sarili at tinignan ang uniporme na suot ko. Long sleeve white polo with a dark blue necktie na pinatungan ng kulay navy blue na cardigan with black slacks.

“Good morning, Greyson!” bati ni Mama nang makarating ako sa kusina. Nakita ko si Dad na nakaupo habang nakatapat sa laptop niya.

Ngumiti ako kay Mama at binati siya pabalik pati narin si Dad. Umupo na ako at hinintay ang inihandang almusal ni Mama.

Pinanuod ko si Mama, he’s 39 years old and yet he looks so young. Habang tumatanda ay parang mas lalong bumabata pa ang itsura niya. Posible pala ’yon. Siguro dahil narin sa pagmamahal at pag-aalaga ni Dad sa kaniya.

Kahit busy ito sa kumpanya ay hindi siya nagkulang ng oras sa amin, lalo na kay Mama. Kung mago-overtime man siya, babawi siya kinabukasan. Sa ilang taong pagsasama namin sa bahay ay bilang lang sa daliri ang naging tampuhan at away nila. Agad inaayos ni Dad, hindi niya hinahayaang matulog si Mama na malungkot. Mahal na mahal nga nila ang isa’t-isa.

Biglang pumasok sa isip ko si Zeus. Ganito rin kaya kami sa future?

Nag-init ang mukha ko at agad inalis ’yon sa utak ko. Ang advance ko naman mag-isip. Para namang mangyayari ’yon ’e halos patayin niya na ’ko sa mga tingin niya.

“Casthan!” Umagaw sa pansin ko ang sigaw ni Mama. Napatingin ako sa harapan ko kung saan nasa kandungan na siya ni Dad. Napangiti ako dahil alam kong nahihiya si Mama sa akin kaya pumapalag siya kay Dad.

“Mahiya ka naman!” Pulang pula ang mukha ni Mama habang tinutulak niya si Dad. Hindi siya makatingin sa akin.

“Okay lang, Ma. Parang naglalambing lang sayo si Dad.” ani ko sabay tawa.

Nag-umpisa na akong kumain at natatawa na lamang sa paglalambingan nila sa harapan ko.

Pagkatapos ay nagsepilyo muna ako bago tumulak papuntang school. Nagpresinta pa si Dad na ihatid ako ngunit tumanggi ako. Ayaw kong maistorbo ang paglalambingan nila Mama.

Bike ang gamit ko papuntang school. Mas gusto ko ’yon kesa sa kahit anong sasakyan. Tinanong na ako ni Dad noon kung ano ang magiging sasakyan ko papuntang school. He wants to buy a new car for me but I refused. Hassle kasi ang kotse para sa akin. Traffics and some possible incidents. Buti pa yung bike makakasingit ka pa sa daan at hindi naman siya gaanong agaw pansin.

Pagkapasok ko sa parking lot ay puro high-class cars and motorcycles ang nakikita ko. Bilang lang yata sa daliri ko ang naka-bike sa school na ’to.

Bumaba na ako at ni-lock iyon. There are some students passing by and I can feel their stares but I didn’t mind them.

“Hey, boy.” Napatingin ako sa babaeng nagsalita sa likuran ko. Maganda siya at mahubog ngunit pulang pula ang labi at napakaikli ng skirt na suot.

“You’re new here?” she asked and I nodded. Humakbang siya palapit, while I unconsciously step back. Mukhang napansin niya ’yon kaya tumigil siya. Maarte itong tumawa at umiling.

“You’re parking at the wrong place. If I were you, you should park it in another place immediately before the king gets here.”

Nalito ako sa kaniyang sinabi ngunit hindi ako makapagsalita. I’m still not used to talk to other people.

She smiled at my clueless face, “Good luck, baby boy.” she said seductively and turned her back.

Good luck? What does she mean by that?

Nakaramdam ako ng kaba habang sinusundan siyang naglalakad palayo. Ilipat ko daw ang bike ko. At bakit?

Maybe it’s just a prank. Ganito ang mga nababasa ko sa novel ’e.

Huminga ako ng malalim at naglakad na papalayo doon ngunit ganoon na lang ang gulat ko nang biglang may mabilis na kotse ang dumaan sa gilid ko.

At sunod ko na lang narinig ang isang maingay na tunog. Na para bang may nabangga. Agad akong napalingon at nanlaki ang mata ko ng makita ko ang bike kong nakatumba at warak na!

Isang pulang sports car ang bumangga doon at nakita ko pa ang gasgas sa nguso nito.

I’m too stunned to move. I don’t know what to do but I felt the irritation coming in my system.

Bulag ba ’tong driver na ’to?

Naglakad ako pabalik doon at handa ng katukin ang kotse ng biglang bumukas iyon pataas.

Wow, what a nice car.

Pero ang mas kinagulat ko ay ang paglabas ni Zeus. Nakaawang ang bibig na napatingala ako sa kaniya.

Siya ang bumangga ng bike ko?

Kahit may suot siyang wayfarer ay tagos sa akin ang talim ng tingin niya. Inalis niya iyon at halos tunawin niya ako ng tingin niya.

“You’re really pissing me off. Didn’t I say that I don’t want to see your face in my school? Why are you fucking here?” rinig ko ang pagngi-ngitngit ng kaniyang mga ngipin habang nagsasalita.

Lalong lumala ang kaba ko at hindi nakasagot. Kuyom na kuyom ang kamao niya at handa na akong saktan ng wala sa oras.

Nahagip ng tingin niya ang sira kong bike at ang sasakyan niyang may gasgas. Kumunot ang noo niya at ramdam ko ang galit na umaapaw sa kaniya.

“What the fuck is this?” mariin niyang sinabi at lumakad palapit sa bike ko. Pinagsisipa niya iyon na ikinangiwi ko. “Is this your bike?” seryoso niyang tanong sa akin.

Kinagat ko ang labi at dahan-dahang tumango. Umigting ang panga niya at mabilis na humakbang palapit sa akin.

Hinila niya ang uniform ko at itinulak ako ng malakas sa kotseng nasa likod ko. Napangiwi ako sa sakit at parang gustong maiyak dahil ramdam ko ang pagputok ng kung ano sa likod ko.

“Look what your bike did in my car, stupid faggot.” gigil niyang sambit at inilagay ang kamay sa leeg ko.

Nangilid ang luha ko sa takot, “I-It’s your fault… H-Hindi mo ba nakitang may bike sa parking space na ’yon?”

Hinila niya ang damit ko at muling hinampas sa kotse. Doon ay napasigaw na ako sa sakit, “Now you have the guts to blame me. Are you fucking kidding me? Kilala mo ba ang kinakausap mo?”

“Y-Yes. I know you. We’ve met—”

Napatigil ako sa pahsasalita nang mapansin kong mas lalo lang siya nagalit sa sinabi ko. Ano bang mali sa sagot ko? Kilala ko naman talaga siya.

“P-Pwedeng bitawan mo na ako?” pakiusap ko at pilit na itinutulak siya.

“Fuck you. I’ll kill you right here and right now!” sigaw niya at nanlaki ang mata ko nang sakalin niya ako ng kamay niya.

His hands were gripping my throat, tightening with relentless pressure. My breath became shallow and labored, each gasp desperate and painful.

Tumulo ang mga luha ko sa takot habang tinutulak siya. Sinubukan ko siya sipain sa paa ngunit mas dinidiinan niya ang sakal sa akin.

“I-I’m so… s-sorry,” sabi ko sa isang nahihirapan na boses. Panay ang tulo ng luha ko habang inaalis ang kamay niyang nakasakal sa akin.

Is he really planning to kill me? I know he had an attitude but I can’t expect he can do this.

This is the first time I allowed myself to go outside and face my fears but this is too much! I can feel myself trembling under his stares. I’m too weak and it’s so embarrasing. I hate that I’m crying like a baby infront of him. But I hate it more how my body reacted when I felt his deadly touch.

“Haaaa….” Malakas kong paghinga ng pakawalan niya ako. Napaluhod ako sa lupa dahil sa panghihina. Napaubo-ubo ako habang hinahabol ang sariling hininga, nandidilim din ang paningin ko.

“All of the students are required to go in the school hall. I repeat, all students.” rinig kong sinabi ng kung sino sa speaker.

I can’t look at him. Tinakpan ko ang mukha ko dahil sa mga luhang hindi mapigil. I can still feel his presence infront of me.

Why he’s still here? Hindi pa ba siya tapos? He still want to watch my pathetic state?

I wiped my tears and take all the courage to stand up. Hindi ko siya tinignan at umalis na lang sa harapan niya.

Napagdesisyunan kong hindi muna pumasok ngayon. Parang hindi ko kayang pumasok dahil sa nangyari sa akin. Nanghihina din ako at gusto kong magpahinga.

“Where are you going?” rinig kong tanong sa akin ni Zeus sabay pigil sa braso ko.

Tumakas sa akin ang hikbi kaya tinakpan ko ang bibig ko. Hindi ko siya kayang sagutin kaya inalis ko ang braso ko sa pagkakahawak niya at mabilis na lumakad palayo doon.

Humabol siya at hinila ako paharap sa kaniya. Iniwas ko ang aking tingin, ang luha ay patuloy parin sa pag agos. Para akong tangang umiiyak sa harapan niya. I can’t stop my tears even if I want to.

Hinawakan niya ang baba ko at ipinatingala kaya hindi ko mapigilan ang mapatingin sa kaniya. Tinitigan niya ang mukha ko at parang pinagaaralan ito.

“Crying like a girl, huh?” nakangisi niyang tanong pero hindi ako sumagot. “You think you can escape from me? This is only the first step to make your life miserable, I’m still not done,”

My eyes watered more and I can’t help but to let these words slip through my mouth. “A-Ang sama mo…”

Lalong lumawak ang ngisi niya, “I’ve heard worse than that. I’m a living demon.” mayabang niyang sinabi at pinahid ang luha ko gamit ang isang kamay niya.

Sumeryoso ang mukha niya at muling nagsalita, “Don’t you dare to transfer in another school. Dapat noong una palang ginawa mo na ’yan. Once you enter my school, there’s no turning back. Pumunta ka ng clinic bago dumiretso sa klase mo. Hindi ka pwedeng umabsent sa unang araw ng klase.” aniya at tinalikuran na ako.

Ako naman ay nagtatakang siyang tinignan. Hinawakan ko ang mukha ko na dinampian niya ng daliri kanina sa pagpunas ng luha ko.

Pagkatapos niya akong muntik patayin ay papatahanin niya ako?

Gusto kong magalit pero bakit ang lakas ng tibok ng puso ko?

Chapter 4

Strawberry shortcake

Hindi ko alam kung ilang minuto akong naiwang nakatayo dito sa parking lot. Nagising lang ang diwa ko nang tumunog muli ang speaker ng school.

Oo nga pala, kailangan palang pumunta ng hall. I shook my head to erase Zeus in my mind. Wala akong magagawang matino kung hahayaan ko siyang manatili sa isip ko.

I glanced at my broken bike, I can’t leave it like that.

Lumapit ako doon upang sana igilid man lang ’yon ngunit may dumating na isang lalaki. From the way he looks, he’s a security guard.

He looked at me and smiled, “Bike mo ba ito? Ako ng bahala. Inutusan ako ni Sir Zeus na ayusin ito. Maaari na kayong pumasok sa loob ng school.”

Natagpuan ko na lang sarili ko na tumango sa kabila ng kalituhan. “T-Thank you po.” ani ko at tinalikuran na siya.

Kailangan ko munang pumunta ng banyo bago sa Hall. I can’t go to classroom with this condition. Baka magtaka sila sa magulo kong itsura.

Kinuha ko ang school map sa aking bag dahil hindi ko pa naman kabisado itong school. It took me a few minutes until I found the boys’ comfort room. Pumasok ako doon at nakahinga ako ng maluwag dahil walang ibang estudyante.

Kailangan ko nang mag madali dahil mukhang nasa hall na silang lahat.

I stared at the mirror and sighed to what I saw. I looked awful. Magulo ang aking buhok at natatakpan ang mata ko. I pushed it back and washed my face. Mapula ang aking mata at ilong dahil sa pag-iyak kanina.

Pagkatapos kong magpunas ng mukha ay lumabas na ako at nagdali-dali sa Hall. Muntikan pa akong naligaw, mabuti na lang at nasundan ng tenga ko ang ingay.

Pagkapasok ko ay puno ng estudyante ang hall. I can feel their stares as I tried to find a seat. Sa pinakalikod ako napunta. Hindi na ako nagtaka ’don dahil nahuli ako sa pagpunta dito.

The noise lessened when a guy in mid-forties climbed in the stage. I know him, he’s the principal.

“Good morning, Olympians!” masigla niyang pagbati. Some of the students greet him back, some are not and I’m one of them.

The Principal starts to discuss about the school, rules and regulations, upcoming events, their expectations on us but what caught my attention is when I saw Zeus climbing on the stage too.

“And now let’s hear the speech of the son of the owner of this school, Mr. Prince Zeus Dark!” Nagsipalakpakan ang ibang estudyante habang ako ay nakatitig lamang sa kaniya. Seryoso ang kaniyang mukha habang nakatayo sa harapan ng lahat. He didn’t even bother to change his cold expression.

Nagsimula siyang magsalita kaya nanahimik ang lahat. Mas tinalo pa niya ang presensya ng Principal sa harapan ng mga ito. Halatang malaki ang respeto kay Zeus ngunit nararamdaman kong ang iba ay dahil din sa takot.

I wonder why.

Hindi ko mapagtuunan ng pansin ang sinasabi niya. I’m just admiring how cold and deep his voice is, the way his lips reddened more when he’s licking it, the way his adams apple moves and everything he does infront of me. Siya lang ang nakikita ko, sa kaniya lang naka-focus ang paningin ko. I don’t want to look away or even blink!

Nagtama ang paningin namin at agad tumalim ang tingin niya. Ayan na naman ang pamatay niyang tingin ngunit kahit na ’ganon ay ang lakas parin ng kabog ng puso ko.

Seriously? There’s something wrong with you, Greyson.

“… my school, my rules. Mess up with me and I’ll show you hell.” Tumaas ang balahibo ko sa kaniyang sinabi. Pakiramdam ko ay para sa akin lang ang banta na iyon. “Dismiss.”

Sa kabila ng huling sinabi niya ay nagsipalakpakan parin ang mga estudyante. Ang karamihan ay pinagkaguluhan pa siya sa harapan.

Tumayo na ako at sumunod sa mga estudyanteng nagsisilabasan na ng hall. Muli akong sumulyap kay Zeus na nasa baba ng stage at ganoon na lang ang gulat ko nang magtama kami ng mata.

He’s looking at me?

Kumurap ako para makasigurado ngunit ayon siya, sinusundan parin ako ng tingin. I felt the butterflies in my stomach and the heat crawling in my cheeks.

Umiwas ako ng tingin at binilisan ang paglalakad. Pakiramdam ko ay maiihi ako sa ginawa niya. Tingin palang iyon ngunit parang aatakihin na ako sa puso.

Zeus, what the heck did you do to me?

Nang makarating ako sa classroom ay agad akong humanap nang mauupuan. Mas pinili kong umupo sa harapan at katabi ng bintana. Mas makakapag-focus ako at mapagtutuunan ang mga lessons baka kasi kung sa likod ako mapunta ay puro Zeus ang nasa isip ko.

Habang wala pa ang teacher ay kinuha ko ang headphone ko. I don’t know if I can use this in school but I need it to avoid interaction with my classmates. I’m still afraid to talk to others. The ghost of the past is still hunting me.

I can see some of them from my peripheral view trying to approach me, but when they saw my headphone, they’ll stop. I feel guilty but this is the best for me.

Dumating ang aming professor. He asked how many of us is here and discuss what we’ll do in his class and the requirements. Pagkatapos n’on ay umalis din agad siya nang makapagbigay ng homework.

There’s still an half hour left before this class ends plus the vacant I have after. Now, what should I do? Pwede naman sigurong lumabas.

Maghahanap ako ng pwede kong tambayan tuwing vacant or break time, yung ako lang ang nakakaalam.

Still wearing my headphone, I left my classroom without saying any word to my classmates. I know what they’re thinking about me right now. It’s me being rude or snob or maybe worse than that.

Bago ako maghanap ng tambayan ko ay pumunta muna ako ng canteen. I’m always looking forward to see the canteen of every school I’m enrolling to. Yung mga pagkain na ise-serve nila, the service and the design of it.

It didn’t disappoint me. The front  wall are made of glass and I can see what’s happening outside. The other walls are made of concrete. It’s painted with white and gray that made it looks elegant.

You can do self-service or make some orders. Yes, this canteen has waiters. What do you expect to this elite school?

Mas pinili ko ang magpunta sa counter kaysa ang mag order. Gusto ko kasing nakikita ang mga ibinebenta dito na pagkain.

Ramdam ko ang pagkinang ng mata ko nang makita ang paborito kong pagkain. It’s strawberry short cake!

Pinatay ko ang tugtog ko at agad kong binili iyon kasama na ang chloco coffee in a can. I’m too amaze to what I’ve bought that I didn’t notice the person behind me.

Para akong maiiyak habang sinusundan ang cake kong unti-unting gumugulong pababa sa damit ng lalaking nabangga ko.

“What the fuck?” The guy hissed and I immediately recognized that voice.

“Zeus…” I mumbled as I looked up to his face. Hindi nga ako nagkamali. Siya na naman ulit!

Lord knows how much I want to see him always but not like this!

Lagi na lang akong palpak sa tuwing nagkikita kami!

Ayan na naman ang umaapaw na galit niya habang tinitignan ako. Dagdag pa ang icing sa kaniyang mamahaling uniform na ako ang may kasalanan.

Naagaw namin ang pansin ng lahat ng estudyante sa canteen. Ramdam ko ang ang takot ng iba para sa akin, at ang iba ay parang excited sa mangyayari.

Lumunok ako at agad kong kinuha ang panyo ko sa bulsa, “I-I’m sorry, hindi ko sinasadya…” takot kong sinabi at sinubukan punasan ang uniform niya ngunit bago pa iyon dumikit ay tinampal niya ang kamay ko palayo.

Nabitawan ko ang panyo habang ang kamay ko ay nasa ere parin. Nakita ko ang pamumula noon kasabay ng kirot na naramdaman ko.

“Don’t you dare lay your fucking hands on me.” marahas niyang sinabi at pinulot ang cake na natapon.

Taka ko siyang tinignan habang siya ay madilim na nakangisi sa akin, “What did I say earlier? Mess up with me and you see hell.” Sunod ko na lang naramdaman ay ang pagdikdik niya ng cake sa mukha ko.

Narinig ko ang mga singhap ng iba, ang iba naman ay tawanan. But I’m too numb to mind it. Too numb that I can’t even run away from this humiliation.

Naramdaman ko na lang ang paghila ng kung sino sa akin. Hindi ako naglaban dahil narin siguro sa pamamanhid ko.

It’s just too fast. A while ago, I’m just gleaming over food and now, I looked like a waste.

“You okay?” ani ng malamyos na boses sa akin kasabay ng paglinaw ng paningin ko dahil sa pagpunas niya sa mukha ko.

Nag-aalalang mukha ng babae ang bumungad sa akin. She’s still wiping my face. “Hey…” she tried to call my attention.

I blinked and look away, I can’t process in my mind the things that happened to me today. It’s just the first day and yet I already want to give up and go home.

“I’m sorry about that. You already met him in school hall right? He’s Zeus, also call as the king and the president of our SSG. You really should avoid him from now on because he’s a demon himself. Once you messed up with him, he’ll not stop bullying you until you drop out in his school.”

“P-Pwede ’yon dito?” I managed to speak when I calmed myself.

“Of course not. But he’s the son of the school owner so we can’t do anything about it.”

“E-Even the teachers?”

She sighed, “Yeah. Maybe Zeus are threatening them but what I don’t understand is even though he’s a bully, the teachers and some students are still respecting him.”

Hindi ako nagsalita.

“It’s my second year here, same year with Zeus. How about you?” tanong niya.

“First year.” matipid kong sinabi.

“Hm… you’re okay now?” Tumango ako. She looked at her wrist watch.

“I need to go to my next class. You sure you are okay? I can stay with you here if you want.” nakangiti niyang sinabi. I can’t help but to feel comfortable. Halata na sinsero ang pagiging mabait niya.

I gave her a small smile, “I’m okay. T-Thank you nga pala.”

“No worries! My name is Alijah and I hope we can talk again. Bye-bye!” Paalam niya at tumakbo na. Mahina pa akong matawa dahil muntik na siyang madapa.

Nang mawala na siya sa paningin ko ay ang pagbalik ng mga naramdaman ko kanina. The pain and the humiliation.

Tumingin ako sa langit at mapait na ngumiti. “So much for the first day, huh?” I whispered.

Chapter 5

Damien

Kinabukasan ay parang ayokong bumangon sa kama. Gusto ko na lang magkulong sa loob ng kwarto at ’wag ng lumabas buong araw.

“Anak, gising kana ba? Nakahanda na ang almusal sa baba. You’re Daddy is waiting for you.” narinig kong sinabi ni Mama mula sa labas ng pinto ko tapos ang mga hakbang niya papalayo.

I guess I can’t lock myself in my room, huh? Paniguradong magtataka sila kung hindi ako papasok ngayon lalo na at pangalawang araw pa lang ng klase.

Hindi ko naman pwedeng sabihin na si Zeus ang dahilan dahil ayokong magkagulo ang pamilya namin at pamilya nila Tito Caius.

Pinili ko ang school na ’yon kaya dapat tiisin ko. I chose to follow my feelings so I need to face the consequences.

Pagkatapos kong mag-ayos ay bumaba na ako at sinaluhan sila Mama at Daddy sa breakfast.

“How’s your first day, Greyson?” Ang baritonong boses ni Daddy and nagpahinto sa akin sa pagsubo. Hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko. And the last thing I want to do is to lie to them.

“A-Ayos lang po?” That stupid answer came out of my mouth. Kumunot ang noo ni Daddy sa aking sinagot at ako naman ay halos gustong sabunutan ang sarili sa sinagot.

Tumikhim ako at ngumiti sa kaniya, “I mean, ayos lang po. Kahit po nakabisita na ako d’on ay medyo naliligaw parin po ako.” I laughed a little to ease the tension I’ve made.

Daddy Casthan stared at me for a few seconds before he nodded. “That’s nice, then. So… you meet Zeus?”

Nabitawan ko ang kutsara ko sa pagkabangit niya sa pangalang ni Zeus. Agad kong dinampot ’yon at umaktong parang walang nangyari.

Uminom ako ng tubig para maibsan ang kaba. Baka dahil dito ay aksidente kong masabi ang mga pinag-gagawa sa akin ni Zeus.

It’s white lies, okay? I just don’t want to bring conflict between the friendship of my parents and Zeus’ parents.

“O-Opo. He gave a speech on the stage yesterday.” maikli kong sinagot. Umiwas ako ng tingin nang tanging titig lang ang isinagot ni Daddy Casthan.

It’s like he’s reading me and he know’s that I’m lying.

“You should be friends with Zeus. He’s second year in college, right? Magtanong ka about lessons they tackled last year para may advance knowledge ka about your course. Same course lang kayo, ’di ba?” si Mama naman ang nagsalita.

Humigpit ang hawak ko sa kutsara at panigurado’y mukha na akong constipated sa harapan nila.

“S-Susubukan ko po, Mama.”

“Don’t try it, do it! Para naman hindi kayo nagkakailangan tuwing bumibista dito sila Tito Gaze mo.”

“B-Baka busy din po kasi siya, ayoko pong maka-istorbo.”

Tumango-tango si Mama, “Sabagay… but then, try mo parin, okay? Hindi lang si Zeus, your classmates too! Tapos imbitahan mo sila dito kung may group project kayo or assignmets. Hindi ba’t masaya ’yon?” I can’t help but to smile to my Mama’s tone of voice. Mas excited pa siya sa akin.

My parents knows that I’m not good at engaging with others that’s why they are taking this opportunity to make me friends with other people.

“Opo, opo…” natatawa kong sinabi. I saw a glimpse of smile to Daddy’s Casthan lips too. He’s staring at Mama with so much love in his eyes.

After that, I went to school riding my bike. Mabuti na lang at naayos agad ito dahil wala sana akong magagamit ngayon. Hindi din nalaman nila Mama na nasira ang bike ko kahapon. And that’s a good thing for me.

I parked my bike carefully, yung alam kong malayo sa lugar kung saan nagpa-park si Zeus. Ayoko nang maulit ang nangyari kahapon.

Natatakot ako na makasalubong siya ngunit gusto kong masulyapan ang mukha niya. I hate this feeling.

Wala pa siya sa school dahil hindi ko pa nakita ang kotse niya sa parking lot.

I wear my headphone and walked towards the school. Just like yesterday, I can feel their stares. Kung hindi ko lang suot ang headphone ko ay paniguradong naririnig ko na ang mga bulungan nila.

For sure, they all find me weird. With this pale skin and the weird cut of my hair.

I pushed back my hair and walked straight while repeating this mantra inside my head.

Ignore them. Ignore them. Ignore them.

Ayokong umuwi dahil lamang pinanghihinaan ako ng loob sa mga titig nila. I hate how stares can make me so self-conscious. Gusto kong magtago at lumayo.

I take a deep breath and calm myself.

Malalagpasan mo din ’to, Greyson. Just keep forward!

Nakahinga ako ng maluwag nang marating ko ang classroom. Inalis ko na ang headphone ko nang ako’y makaupo.

Inilabas ko na ang mga kailangan na requirements for my first subject habang naghihintay sa professor.

Nagulat ako nang may tumabi sa aking lalaki na parang sigang umupo at nilagay pa ang braso sa likuran ng upuan ko.

“Yow!” he said. Pinilit kong ngumiti at tumingin sa kaniya.

“Hello…” I politely said. Pumalatak siya at pabagsak na inilagay ang kamay sa arm chair.

“You’re so stiff, man! Are you gay?” malakas ang kaniyang boses kaya pati ang mga iba naming blockmates ay napatingin sa pwesto namin.

Ramdam ko ang takot sa aking sistema. Itinago ko ang aking nanginginig na kamay.

Kalmado akong umiling at ngumiti, “I’m not. I’m sorry for being stiff, I’m not just used talking with others.”

Bigla niyang nilapit ang mukha niya sa akin kaya agad akong napa-atras ngunit nilapit niya parin, halos maduling na ako sa ginawa niya.

He stared at me deeply. Hindi ko maiwasan mapalunok at ibaling sa ibang direksyon ang ulo ko.

“E-Excuse me, you’re invading my personal space….” mahina kong sinabi. Lumayo naman siya at nagulat ako nang bigla siyang malakas na tumawa.

“Personal space!” he mocked while laughing. Kumunot ang aking noo at mukhang napansin niya ’yon dahil napahinto siya. “Sorry, dude. You looked like a girl and you act like one that’s why I asked you if you’re gay. Did I offend you?” Hindi ko na lamang siya sinagot. Guess, he’s one of the close minded people when it comes to sexuality.

Hindi ko nagustuhan ang pag-uusap na ’to.

Inilahad niya ang kamay niya sa harapan ko, “I’m Damien. Nice to meet you, dude.” pakilala niya at ngumisi. Saka ko lang nabigyan pansin ang accent niya. Is he a half foreigner?

Nagdalawang-isip pa ako bago ko tinanggap ang kamay niya.

I shook it gently, “I-I’m Greyson…” Napasinghap ako ng pisil-pisilin niya ang kamay ko.

“Fuck, man… your hand is so soft!” he exclaimed. Umakyat ang init sa aking mukha at agad kinuha ang kamay ko mula sa hawak niya.

“Are you really a guy?” tanong niya pa.

Tumango ako at tumingin sa pinto, hinihiling na sana dumating na ang Professor.

“Another rich kid, huh?” I saw him shaking his head from my peripheral vision. He seems disappointed.

“Good morning, class!” Ramdam ko ang pagliwanag ng mata ko nang makita ko ang papasok naming professor. At last! He’s here! Sana mapansin niya ang pang-gugulo ng katabi ko.

“Mr. Bradford, why are you in my class?” tanong niya habang nakatingin sa katabi ko. Seryoso ang tanong nito, ibang-iba sa masiglang tono niya kanina.

“Why asking, Sir? Didn’t you failed me in this subject?”

“You deserve it.”

“Then don’t ask why am I here.” Ang pabirong tono ni Damien ay naging seryoso narin.

“Stupid teacher,” I heard him whispered. Nanlaki ang mata ko at napasinghap kaya napatingin siya sa akin.

“What?”

“Y-You’re rude…”

“You just notice?” he sarcastically said. “So what?”

“It’s bad…” mahina kong sagot na dahilan ng kaniyang pagtawa ulit ng malakas.

“Mr. Bradford! Kung mang-gugulo ka lang din sa klase ko, you better go out! We don’t need a delinquent student here!”

“Sorry, Sirrrrrr!” aniya ngunit halatang nagloloko parin.

Napailing ang teacher at tumingin sa akin, “Mr. Castro, right?”

Tumango ako.

“Are you close with Mr. Bradford?”

I shooked my head.

“Ginugulo ka ba niya?” tanong niya pa. Gusto kong um-oo ngunit narinig ko ang pagtunog ng mga ngipin ng katabi ko. I can feel that he’s already mad.

“Is it wrong to be friends with him, Sir?” mariin tanong ni Damien. He’s smiling but I can hear that he’s gritting his teeth through his words.

“I’m not talking to you, Mr. Bradford.” muling bumaling sa akin ang Professor at mukhang naghihintay ng aking sagot.

“N-No, Sir…” Sinabayan ko pa iyon nang iling. He sighed and nodded.

“Don’t hesitate to tell me if he’s doing something inappropriate to you, okay? You better take care when you’re with him.”

Tumango na lamang ako at nagpatuloy na siya sa pagtawag ng mga pangalan ng bawat isa. Binibigay na niya ang aming gagamiting textbooks at ang magiging susi ng aming locker.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I fucking hate that teacher.” napapangiwi ako sa bulong ng katabi ko. Galit na galit siya at pansin ko na ang pangingitim ng kaniyang kamay dahil sa sobrang pagkuyom nito.

I sighed and took a candy inside my bag. It’s a menthol candy.

I put it in his arm chair kaya taka siyang tumingin sa akin, “What?”

“Take it to cool your mind,”

Tumitig siya sa akin at saka napangiti, “You’re weird…” aniya at kinuha ang candy. Kumunot naman ang noo ko sa sinabi niya.

Anong weird sa pagbibigay ng candy?

I don’t really get him… and I don’t like him.

Chapter 6

Headphone

Nang makalabas ang Professor ay agad sumigaw nang malakas ang katabi ko na ikinagulat ko.

“At fucking last! Get lost, Sir! Never comeback again!” aniya at sinipa ang upuan na nasa harapan niya.

Pinanuod ko ang pagtayo niya at pagkuha ng kaniyang bag bago lumabas ng room.

Parang biglang nawala ang pasan-pasan ko sa mundo nang mawala ang presensya niya. Buti naman at umalis na siya. Sana bukas ay hindi na siya muling tumabi sa akin.

Tumayo narin ako at kinuha ang textbooks. Ilalagay ko na agad ’to sa locker bago pa may mangyaring hindi maganda. And I’m looking forward to see my own locker too.

Inayos ko muna ang natumbang upuan na sinipa ni Damien kanina bago tuluyang lumabas. As usual, I’m wearing my headphone.

Inilabas ko ang school map at hinanap kung saan ang mga lockers. Marami pala ito at hiwalay-hiwalay dahil nakabase sa mga course.

Nasa first floor pala mga lockers. Magkahiwalay ang mga babae sa lalaki.

Nang makarating ako sa first floor ay kakaunti lang ang mga estudyante at wala akong nakikitang mga ka-blockmates ko, mukhang ako lang ang nakaisip na agad itabi ang mga textbooks.

“Eighty-nine… Eighty-nine…” ani ko habang hinahanap ang number na ’yon.

When I found it, I immediately fished out my key to open the locker. It’s empty and I can still smell the paint used in here.

Itinira ko ang isang textbook na gagamitin for the next subject tapos ay isinara na ang locker.

Biglang may humawak sa aking balikat at isinandal ako sa locker. Napapikit ako sa sakit ng pagbagsak ng aking katawan, sumabay pa ang pag headphone ko sa paghulog.

“The audacity of you to ignore me!” Agad akong napamulat sa boses na ’yon.

“Z-Zeus?”

Sinamaan niya ako ng tingin at mas inilapit ang mukha sa akin. My eyes widen and my heart beats fast.

“Why the fuck are you ignoring me? I called your name many times!” Dumiin ang hawak niya sa aking balikat na nagpangiwi sa akin.

“I-I’m wearing a headphone…”

Napahinto siya sa sagot ko at bumaba ang mata niya sa leeg ko kung nasaan ang headphone.

“Headphone, huh?” Kinabahan ako nang ngumisi siya. I gasped when he took that harshly on my neck. I felt the sting of pain because by that.

Nakaramdam ako ng kaba habang tinitignan siyang hawak iyon. Nakahiwalay na siya sa akin at tinititigan ng mabuti ang hawak niya.

“Is this important to you?” he asked without looking at me.

“Y-Yes, my parents gave that to me. Please, give it back….” Sinubukan kong lumapit at abutin ang headphone sa kaniyang kamay.

He took a step back and smirked evilly while looking at my desperate face. “Who says I’m ’gonna give it back to you that easily?” he menacingly said.

“B-But it’s mine…” mahina kong sinabi at napayuko. I’m scared to do anything because I’m powerless against him.

“You and your stupid answers is really pissing me off.” Pinatingala niya ako gamit ang kaniyang kamay. His huge, rough and warm hand is on my chin, holding it harshfully.

Nagsimulang mangilid ang aking luha. I was hoping that there’s someone will come to this place and stop Zeus.

Hindi mawala ang ngisi niya habang pinapanuod ang aking mukha. Palipat-lipat ang tingin niya sa aking mata na para bang hinihintay akong lumuha.

“You want it back?” tanong niya at tumango ako.

Bigla siyang sumeryoso at binitawan ang aking mukha. “Then give me a head, right here and right now.”

“H-Huh?” taka kong tanong sapagkat hindi ko makuha ang kaniyang sinasabi. Bigyan ko siya ng ulo?

Nanlaki ang mata ko nang ma-realize ko ito. Is he really asking me that?!

Wala sa sariling napahakbang ako patalikod. Sumama ang tingin niya sa ginawa ko.

“What are you doing? I said give me a head, you fucking faggot. Hindi ba’t sa bagay na ’to kayo magagaling?” Humakbang siya muli palapit at gustuhin ko man na lumayo ay muli ko na namang naramdaman ang lamig at tigas ng locker sa likuran ko.

I’m cornered!

Umiling-iling ako, “N-No. Ayoko.” sagot ko at mas lalong sumama ang mukha niya. If looks could kill, I’m already dead on the spot right now.

“Pardon?” tanong niya na para bang hindi niya matanggap ang aking sinagot.

“I don’t want to give you a head!” mas malakas kong sinabi na ikinagulat niya.

Even I have a feelings for him, I’m not going to do that and I’m not after that!

“Sonofabitch,” malutong niyang mura kasabay ng malakas na pagsuntok sa gilid ng aking mukha. Nagulat ako doon at ang takot ay kumalat sa aking sistema.

It triggered my tears to pour. And just like that, I became pathetic again infront of him.

Hindi siya nagsasalita at hindi ko makita ang kaniyang reaksyon dahil nakayuko ako.

My sob escaped as I tried to speak, “I-I’m sorry… I can’t do it. And I’ve never done that!” Bumigay ang aking tuhod kaya napaupo ako sa harapan niya.

Kahit nanlalabo ang aking mata ay kita ko parin ang gulat na reaksyon niya.

“Are you for real?” tanong niya.

“H-Huh?”

Napatigil ako sa pagluha nang magsimula siyang tumawa ng malakas sa aking harapan.

Anong nakakatawa?

Gusto ko mang itanong iyon ay nakuha ng atensyon ko ang pagtawa niya. Ito ang unang pagkakataon na makita ko siyang tumawa. His perfect set of white teeth is showing as he laughed out loud.

I feel like my jaw dropped while watching him. Hindi ko alam ngunit masaya ako dahil napatawa ko siya ng ganito. Para akong batang manghang-mangha habang nanunuod ng magic show.

This is a goal for me. Even though, I think he’s laughing to mock me.

Nang maramdaman niya akong nakatitig sa kaniya ay agad siyang tumigil sa pagtawa at sumeryoso ang mukha.

Pinantayan niya ako at tinitigan ng maigi, “I don’t know if you’re pretending to be innocent or you’re telling this so I’ll change my mind about you.”

Tumayo siya at ipinakita sa akin ang headphone ko, “Want this? Then stand up and get it.” He put his hand up, holding my headphone while looking down at me. It’s like he’s a King looking down at his slave.

Tumayo ako at huminga ng malalim, “Why can’t you just give it back?” I calmly said.

Tumalim ang mata niya, “Stop asking and jump, dog, or else I’ll break this.” banta niya.

Gusto ko man na sabihing ayaw ko at hindi ako aso ay alam kong mas lalo lang siya magagalit ’don.

I looked at my wrist watch, ten minutes before my next class. Kailangan ko ng tapusin ito at makuha iyon.

I gathered all my strength and walk closer to him. Nanlalambot ang tuhod ko dahil sa presensyang dulot niya.

This is not good. Kanina ko pa naaamoy ang pabango niya. I can’t forget it. I want to smell him even more.

I shook my head mentally.

What are you thinking, Greyson? You’re becoming a pervert!

Tumalon ako at inabot iyon katulad ng gusto niya ngunit mas lalo niyang itinaas iyon.

Ngumisi siya, “Good dog.”

“I’m not a dog!” sagot ko sa kaniya at tumalon ng mas mataas. But because I’m not good at this thing, I lost my balance and fell to him. Nasubsob ako sa dibdib niya at napahawak d’on.

Sa sobrang gulat ko ay hindi ako agad nakagalaw. I don’t know how to react in this situation. I’m melting in his arms!

It’s like a dream come true not until I felt him pushed me so hard. Napaupo ako nang dahil d’on. Ngumiwi ako sa sakit at tumingin sa kaniya.

His face is red. Mabilis ang kaniyang paghinga na para bang sasabog.

He’s mad and… disgusted.

I felt a stab in chest while watching his expression.

Gamit ang nanginginig ng labi ay pinilit kong magsalita, “I… I’m sorry… I lost my b-balance. H-Hindi ko sinasadya…” nagkandabuhol-buhol ang aking dila.

“You…” galit niyang sinabi sabay turo sa akin, “You disgust me.” He gritted his teeth like he was preventing himself to speak more.

“Don’t you dare to touch me again!” sigaw niya at sinira sa harapan ko ang headphone ko.

He throw it to my face but I was too shocked to react.

The headphone that my parents gave me… is now gone. I always treasuring it but now…

Sinuntok niyang muli ang locker bago ako iniwan mag-isa.

Niyakap ko ang aking tuhod at sinandal ang noo d’on. Nagbabanta na naman ang aking luha ngunit hindi ko na alam kung para saan.

Kung para sa headphone o ang itsura niyang ’yon. Ang itsura niyang puno ng pandidiri habang nakatingin sa akin. Na para bang ako ang pinaka-maduming tao na nabubuhay sa mundo.

I hold back my tears. I can’t cry. I should not cry. May klase pa ako.

With all my remaining strength, I stood up and put the broken headphone inside my locker.

“Hell day again, huh?” pagod kong sambit at sinara na iyon.

I can’t wait to go home.

Chapter 7

Umuwi ako ng bahay na sawi ang nararamdaman. Napilitan akong magpasundo dahil hindi ko yata kayang mag-bike.

“What happened, Grey?” Agad na salubong sa akin ni Mama nang makarating ako ng bahay.

I looked at her and forced to smile, “Masama lang po pakiramdam, Ma.” Niyakap ko siya at huminga ng malalim. Gusto kong magsumbong at umiyak pero ayaw ko silang pag-alalahanin.

“Are you sure?” she confirmed.

Dama ko ang pag-alala sa tinig niya.

Humiwalay ako ng yakap at ngumiti sa kaniya. “Opo. I’ll be okay once I had a rest.”

May pag-aalinlangan parin sa mata niya ngunit sa huli ay tumango na lang siya. “Have you eaten?” Umiling ako.

“Alright, go to your room and change your clothes. I’ll bring you food.”

“Thank you, Ma…”

Umakyat na ako sa kwarto at agad humilata sa kama.

I stared at the ceiling with a heavy heart. Naalala ko na naman ang nangyari kanina. I just can’t fathom why Zeus hates me so much.

Nagkakilala na ba kami? Maybe when we’re still kids? I don’t know, I can’t remember.

But I want to know the reason why Zeus is mad at me. If my feeling can’t be reciprocated then I’m okay having him as my friend. Hindi yung ganitong kulang na lang ay gusto niya na akong mawala sa mundo.

I sighed and stood up to get my things. Nagpalit muna ako ng damit bago ko kinuha and headset kong nasira. With a heavy feeling, I checked it once again.

I guess I can try to bring it to a repair shop.

Tinago ko na ito at sakto namang kumatok si Mama. I immediately opened the door for him at tinulungan siya sa dala niya.

“I cooked your favorited food…” salubong niya.

I smiled and hugged him, “Thank you, ma. Would you like to eat with me?”

“No, thank you. I made that for you. Besides, I have to see your father.”

“Do you want me to go with you?” I asked.

“No, baby. I’m fine. Just take a rest for me so we can have dinner together later, okay?”

Ngumiti ako at niyakap ulit siya. “I love you, ma. Ingat po kayo…”

He kissed me on my forehead and stepped out of my room. After I locked the door, agad akong umupo at sinubo ang dinalang pagkain ni Mama.

And with that, my heavy heart starts to ease. I finished my food and checked my phone.

I started researching my new school. I’m trying to see if I can get new information about Zeus but unfortunately, there’s no information about him aside from being the son of the owner of the school and the president of our supreme student government.

I did a few things such as cleaning my room and doing my usual routine — reading novels.

Nagising na lang akong kumakatok na si Mama sa kwarto and inviting me for dinner.

“How’s school?” My dad’s baritone voice echoes in our dining room.

“Fine, Dad.”

“Did you meet new friends?”

Uminom muna ako ng tubig at tumingin sa kaniya.

“Not really, Dad but I knew two people na po.”

“That’s great. You should work on making friends para hindi kami nag-aalala ng mama mo sa ’yo.”

“I will.” ngumiti ako.

“Or maybe you can try to be friends with Zeus?” Mama suggests with an awkward laugh.

Bago pa ako sumagot ay nagsalita na si Daddy, “No, not that asshole. I can’t still forget his rudeness last time.”

“Your language, Casthan…”

“But that’s the truth, babe.”

“Bata pa ’yon kaya hayaan mo na and let’s not fight about this,” lumamig ang tono ni Mama sa huli.

Tumikhim si Daddy at hinawakan ang kamay ni Mama na nasa table, “Alright, babe.” malambing na ani niya.

I giggled silently and watched them in awe. I love them so much.

Pagkatapos ng dinner ay umakyat na rin ako ng kwarto. I need to sleep early to have more energy for tomorrow. Hindi ko alam kung ano na naman mangyayari but I hope it’s not going to be much worse than earlier.

“Good morning!” I smiled at the guard when I entered the school gate.

Kinakabahan akong nagpalinga-linga sa paligid, afraid that I might bump into Zeus again.

I reached my room peacefully. Dumiretso ako ng upuan at nakita ko ang nakakalokong ngiti na naman ni Damien,

“Hi, Grey!” bati niya.

“Hi…”

Since magkatabi nga kami ng upuan, mas inilapit niya pa ang sarili niya sa akin.

“Bakit hindi na kita nakita after ng lunch natin?”

Nilabas ko ang notebook ko for the first subject bago ako tumingin sa kaniya,

“Nagpasundo ako. I had a headache.”

Nagulat ako nang ilagay niya ang likod ng kamay niya sa noo ko, “May sakit ka?” kunot-noo niyang sinabi.

Natawa ako at inalis ang kamay niya, “Wala naman… sumakit lang talaga ulo ko kahapon. Anyway, did I miss anything?”

Medyo lumayo na siya sa akin kaya nakahinga ako nang maluwag.

“Hmm… wala naman. They just gave us instructions and an announcement yesterday.”

“I see… thank you.”

Nag-umpisa na ang klase namin at habang mataimtim akong nakikinig, ito namang katabi ko ay natutulog ng mahimbing.

Hanggang sa mag lunch time na lang ay ganoon pa rin ang postura niya, naka-duko sa desk.

At dahil nga sa mga insidente nitong mga nakaraang araw, mas naisip kong huwag na lang muna magpakalat-kalat sa hallway or sa school field.

Kaya sa halip na bumaba ng pantry for my lunch ay nagbaon na lang ako.

“Damien…” gising ko sa katabi sabay yugyog sa kaniya.

I know we’re still not friends pero sabi nga ni Dad, I should work on it. So even though he’s kind of annoying, I can sense that he’ll still be a great friend.

Dahan-dahan siyang nag-angat ng mukha at ini-scan ang paligid.

“Shit! What time is it?”

“Lunchtime na,” sagot ko sa kaniya.

Pinanood ko siyang inis na inis sa hindi ko alam ng bagay. Kinalabit ko siya kaya napatingin siya sa ’kin.

“What?”

“Lunch?” I awkwardly asked him while pointing at my food.

Tumitig siya sa ’kin bago tumawa nang tumawa. Ang lakas ng tawa niya kaya yung mga ibang kaklase namin ay napapatingin sa amin.

I feel my cheek burning up because of the embarrassment. Parang bigla ay gusto ko bawiin ang mga sinabi ko tungkol kay Damien.

“You never failed to amaze me, Grey.” aniya at tumawa na naman.

Hindi ko na lang siya pinansin at kinain na ang sandwich na ginawa ni Mama kaninang umaga at habang ginagawa iyon, I am also taking down notes about the lessons we tackled earlier.

“I thought you’re inviting me? Bakit ikaw lang mag-isa kumakain diyan?” si Damien.

“Akala ko ayaw mo kasi tawa ka ng tawa,” I almost rolled my eyes.

Narinig ko na naman siyang tumawa at kumuha ng sandwich sa lunchbox ko.

“Wow! Did you make these?”

“Nope, si Mama.”

“It’s delicious. You should bring this every day para ganahan ako kumain ng lunch.” aniya pa.

Lunch are over when I heard the girls in the hallways screaming and giggling from I don’t know.

Out of curiosity, I looked at the hallways and saw a bunch of girls looking at something.

Lumaki ang mata ko nang dumaan si Zeus at may kasamang dalawang lalaki, he’s wearing specs while holding a file in his hand.

Oh god. He’s so damn hot.

I almost drooled when he suddenly look at my direction. Sa maliit na segundo ay nakita ko ang galit na dumaan sa mata niya.

And what shocked me the most ay pumasok sila ng classroom at tumayo sa teacher’s desk.

He scanned the room with his deep eyes and his stance itself screams authority na kahit wala siyang sinasabi ay umayos ng upo ang lahat ng mga kaklase ko at tumahimik.

“Good afternoon, class. I am Zeus and if you don’t know me, I am the president of our supreme student government. And we’re just here to inform you that we’ll be having a welcome party for the first years this upcoming month. We keep you posted on the exact date and the theme of the party and just for a warning, cross-dressers are not welcome.” he said coldly and stared directly into my eyes.

My heart is beating fast and this tingling station on my stomach is back again.

Idiot! He just broke your headset yesterday!

“Questions, class?” tanong niya at humiwalay na ng tingin sa akin.

“Why are you so homophobic?”

Nanlaki ang mata ko at tumingin sa katabi kong nagtanong kay Zeus noon.

Like what the fudge?

Everyone in the room is silent and it’s like we stopped breathing because of the tension in the air.

Pansin ko ang pagkunot ng noo ni Zeus at ang pag-igting ng panga nito, “Who the fuck are you to question me like that?

I almost gasped at his curse.

Oh my god, Damien. Just what did you do?

Chapter 8

Library

Pakiramdam ko ay ilang oras na ang nakalipas dahil sa katahimikang nangyari.

“My name is Damien,” maangas na sagot ng katabi ko.

Napapikit ako nang mariin at hinawakan ang braso niya, trying to stop him.

Napatingin siya sa akin kaya pinanlakihan ko siya ng mata. Hindi niya iyon pinansin at tumingin lang sa harapan, tila ba hinihintay ang sagot ni Zeus.

Dahan-dahang akong napatingin sa lalaki at natakot ako sa madilim na tingin niya sa amin, lalo na sa kamay kong nakahawak kay Damien.

I unconsciously removed my hand.

Ngumisi si Zeus at tinignan ang katabi ko, “Oh, the repeater.”

“Anong sinabi mo?!”

“I don’t have to repeat myself, and I don’t need to answer your question. Focus on your studies and stop meddling with my life.” seryosong sagot ni Zeus.

I can sense the anger of Damien beside me. Nakakuyom ang kamao niya at masama ang tingin ngunit hindi na siya sumagot pabalik.

“If you don’t have other questions, we’ll be leaving. And oh, just to let you know, you have to avoid that guy,” sabay turo sa akin, “he’s gay.” at ngumisi siyang lumabas ng room.

Habang ako naman ay parang gusto nang bumaon sa lupa. My face is burning, and my eyes started to sting.

I want to go home. I want to disappear.

“You’re the gay one, Zeus!” pagkalakas-lakas na sigaw ni Damien kaya nabaling sa kaniya ang atensyon ng aming mga kaklase mula sa akin.

Bumaling sa akin si Damien pagkatapos at hinawakan ang mukha ko. Sa takot na mahusgahan ay nahampas ko ang kamay niya palayo sa mukha ko.

He was shocked by what I did.

“I-I’m sorry,” naiiyak kong sinabi at dali-daling tumayo palabas ng room habang dala ang bag ko.

Dumiretso ako ng banyo at agad nagkulong sa cubicle. That’s where I poured my tears, my embarrassment, and my frustration.

“Grey?” I gasped and immediately dried my tears. Hindi ako sumagot at pinakiramdaman lang si Damien.

“I know you’re here, sinundan kita.”

Hindi parin ako sumasagot.

“Zeus is an asshole. I know him since I was in middle school, and I hate his guts ever since. And I’m sorry about what happened earlier.” Humugot siya ng malalim na hininga at narinig ko ang paglapit niya pa kung nasaan ako.

“You don’t have to hide just because your gender was revealed. We’re not homophobic like him, trust me. And we’re already friends, right?”

Nagulat ako nang kumatok siya kung nasaan ako nakatago. “We have to go, hinahanap na tayo ng professor for sure.”

Isang beses pa ay pinunasan ko ulit ang mukha ko at siniguradong walang trace ng luha bago ako tumayo.

Dahan-dahan kong binuksan ang pintuan ng banyo ngunit ang mata ko ay nasa sapatos lang niya.

“Thank you…” mahina kong sinabi.

“Thank you ka diyan. May bayad pag comfort ko ’no.” aniya at tumawa.

Napangiti narin ako at sinalubong ang tungin niya, “Ano ’yon?”

“Sandwich ni mama mo.” aniya at tumawa. Sumeryoso din siya pagkatapos ng ilang segundo at tumitig sa mata ko.

“Did you cry?”

Iniwas ko ang tingin ko, “Tara na,”

“Itatago mo pa ’e halata sa pamumula ng mata mo.”

“Hayaan mo na ’yan…”

Tahimik kaming umakyat sa room at pagkadating namin ay nandoon na nga ang professor kaya lahat ng mata ay nasa amin nang dumating kami.

“Sorry, I’m late,” ani ko.

Tumango ang teacher, “That’s fine. Go back to your seats.”

Natapos ang maghapon nang matiwasay, parang walang nangyari kanina. Though, napapansin ko ang malisyang tingin nila sa amin ni Damien.

“Saan ka pala umuuwi?” tanong niya habang naglalakad kami palabas ng building.

“Sa may Forbes Park,”

“I have a car, gusto mo bang sumabay? Doon din ang daan ko.”

“Thank you na lang. Susunduin din ako ’e.”

He chuckled at me. “What are you? 5 years old?”

Sumimangot ako at pabirong sinuntok ang balikat niya, “Baliw.”

DUMAAN ang mga ilang linggo na naging mapayapa ang araw ko as a freshmen. Naging kaibigan ko si Damien at Alija, ang babaeng tumulong sa akin noong araw na natapon ang pagkain ko sa pantry dahil sa pagbangga namin ni Zeus.

Who thought na gusto pala ni Damien ’tong babaeng ’to?

At sa mga araw din na dumaan na iyon ay hindi ko nakita si Zeus. Hindi ko alam kung ikakalungkot ko iyon o ikakatuwa dahil walang masamang nangyayari sa akin.

Busy ang mga nagma-manage ng school dahil sa welcome party na paparating. Dahil malaki ang stadium ng school na ito ay pinili na lang na dito na lang ganapin sa halip na magrent pa ng venue, and of course, it’s much safer.

Ang magiging theme pala ng party ay retro at gaganapin next week na. At hanggang ngayon ay iniisip ko parin kung pupunta ako dahil masama ang palagay ko sa mangyayari.

“Alijah…” tawag ni Damien sa babae na kasalukuyang kumakain.

Nandito kami ngayon sa pantry at sabay-sabay na kumakain. Kahit second year na si Alijah ay nagkasama parin kami dahil same schedule ang breaks namin tuwing Monday hanggang Wednesday.

I still remember how Damien stared at her when he first met her. Kinamusta niya kasi ako noon at kung ginugulo pa ako ni Zeus.

She is one of his classmates since freshmen kaya kilala niya ang ugali nito. But they never became friends dahil ayaw din niya sa ugali ng lalaki.

“Tigilan mo ’ko sa kalandian mo, Damien. Mag focus ka sa studies mo.” she answered at dinukdok pa ang noo ng lalaki.

Tumawa ako nang bumusangot si Damien. “I’ll focus on my studies once you let me court you,”

“Sige, hahayaan kita pero hindi kita sasagutin. Gusto mo ’yon?”

Lumakas ang tawa ko.

Sinamaan naman ako ng tingin ni Damien, “Is there something funny? Nakita mong bina-basted na ako ng harap-harapan ’o!”

“Bagay sa ’yo ’yan. Prove yourself first before you court her.” ani ko at tinapos ang pagkain ko.

“Mauuna na ako, guys. Pupunta pala ako ng library, I have to check some references for my outputs.”

“Okay. See you later then,” ani Alijah habang si Damien ay tumango lang, masungit parin ang tingin.

Kumaway ako at tumalikod na. I was smiling while walking to the library. Deep inside, I’m supporting their love story. Damien might be annoying, but he’s a great guy.

“Good morning, Mrs. Anna.” I greet the librarian as I listed my name on their form.

“Good morning to you too, Grey. How can I help you?”

“Just looking for references, and I can manage. Thank you so much!” ngumiti ako at pumasok na sa loob.

Kaunti lang ang mga estudyanteng pagkapasok ko ng library. Some are studying, some are sleeping, and some are… flirting.

Napangiwi ako sa huli. Well, that’s a student’s life. At least they chose to be here.

I walked into the reference section and looked for topics I could use for my research. Marketing research, to be exact.

I was busy checking the books when I unconsciously bumped into someone at narinig kong may bumagsak.

Tumama ang noo ko sa isang matigas na parte kaya napapikit ako sa sakit. Agad akong napahawak sa noo ko.

“I-I’m so sorry…” ani ko habang hinihilot ang noo ko. Yumuko ako at umupo para kunin ang mga librong nahulog.

“Why the fuck are you here?” I frozed and slowly looked up to the guy in front of me.

Parang nanghina ang tuhod ko nang masalubong ang galit na naman niyang mata.

“Z-Zeus…” I muttered. Lalong dumilim ang mata niya at pinantayan ako ng upo.

Hindi pa ako handang makita ulit siya pagkatapos ng mga nangyari noong nakaraan.

I’m not ready and yet my heart is beating so fast to the sight of this greek god in front of me.

God, I missed him.

“I said, what are you doing here?”

“Uh… I’m looking for books…” I answered honestly na mukhang hindi nagustuhan ni Zeus ang tono ko dahil mas lalong nagalit ang mga mata niya.

Napasinghap ako ng marahas niyang hawakan ang mukha ko. He was holding my jaw so tight that I held onto his arm to stop it.

“Are you mocking me, stupid?” he menacingly said, ignoring my hand on his arm.

Agad akong umiling at hinihila parin palayo ang kamay niya. I was on the verge on crying.

Bakit ba laging galit siya sa ’kin?

“When will you ever learn? I told you to get out of my sight, but you always choose to mess with me. Are you really that stupid?”

“N-Nasasaktan ako, Zeus. Let go of me…”

“No. Answer me. Why are you fucking with me?” His eyes were staring deeply at my soul, almost devouring it.

I bit my lip to prevent myself from crying. Ayoko na ulit umiyak pa sa harapan niya.

Bumaling ang mata niya sa labi ko dahil sa ginawa ko. And his eyes flickered with something I can’t recognize.

Napapikit ako nang lalong dumiin ang hawak niya, “Are you seducing me?” he asked like it’s the most sickening thing in the world.

Lumaki ang mata ko kasabay ng pag patay ng mga kulisap sa tiyan ko.

Oh, lord. Save me.

Chapter 9

Homophobic

“Do you like me?” natatawa niyang tanong ngunit ang mata ay puno ng pagka-disgusto.

If a stare can kill, I’ll be dead by now.

Agad akong umiling. “N-No! Never!” I answered immediately, still trying to shove his hand away from my jaw.

I never planned to hide my feelings from him if he’s the one who will ask that question. But after all the hell I’ve experienced from him? I’d better keep it.

Lalong dumilim ang mata niya at nanlaki ang mata ko nang nilapit niya ang mukha niya sa akin. Our noses are almost touching. I can feel his warm breath on my face. I can smell him, and I almost shiver from the thought that he’s so near to me.

Kumalma ka, Grey, or else you’ll really be dead.

“Really? Then why is your face so red right now? Why are you shaking? “

Bakit ba ang dami niyang tanong? Last time I checked, wala naman siyang paki sa akin.

“Because you’re scaring me, jerk! “ I hissed and, with my full force, pushed him away from me.

Never mind his anger; my feelings should not be revealed.

Agad akong tumayo at mabilis na lumayo sa kaniya. I guess I’ll be just checking my needed references online. I need to get out of here. I need to get away.

Akala ko ay hahayaan niya na ako ngunit napangiwi ako nang maramdaman ang kaniyang mariin na paghawak sa braso ko at ang paghila sa akin pabalik sa kaniya.

“Aww!” I grunted and closed my eyes because of the pain. Tumama ng malakas ang likod ko sa malamig na pader nang ihampas niya ako doon.

When I opened my eyes, I almost melted under his burning eyes. His knee was in between my legs while his hands were on my arms, pinning it harshly on my side. Parang mababali ang buto ko. Gusto kong sumigaw, humingi ng tulong pero ayaw ko ng iskandalo. Plus, the fact that we’re at the library. Ayokong magkaroon ng bad record dito.

“Who are you to call me a jerk? “ he berated as he leans closer to me. Naamoy ko ang pabango niya at parang gusto ko na lang ubusin ang amoy niya. It’s addicting.

Hindi ko alam kung saan ako maaga mamamatay, kung sa pang-aabuso niya sa akin o sa rason na sobrang lapit niya sa ’kin ngayon.

I feel like fainting, and I don’t know if it’s from the pain or because of my heart that’s being jackhammered by now.

And I just want to slap my delusional self. Hello, Grey? Can’t you see you’re on the brink of your death right now?

“Because you are one. Hindi ko alam kung bakit galit na galit ka sa akin. And as far as I remember, I didn’t do anything to you.” mariin kong sinabi at galit siyang tinignan sa mata.

I might look so stupid right now, glaring at him. I don’t even know if I managed to look mad, because never in my life have I become so furious like this.

And I’m not sure if I’m really angry or I’m just trying to pretend toes escape this situation.

Which I know, will never happen.

Nakita ko ang gulat sa mata niya sa biglang outburst ko. I saw a glimpse of amusement in his eyes, but it was covered immediately with rage.

I gasped when his hand went into my neck, and raspy breaths escaped my throat when I felt his fingers pressing my throat.

“You’re that dumb you don’t know the obvious answer? “ he said as he scanned my face, from my eyes, down to my nose and to my lips. Tumingin siya muli sa mata ko at sumeryoso, “Because I hate you. Your whole existence and every person who has the same gender as you. You all disgust me,” he remarked as I heard my heart breaking into pieces and my tears starting to fall.

Wow. I never thought there would be someone who’d hate my existence this much. And what hurts the most is that it’s from your first love.

He was taken aback by my tears, and his hand fell from holding my neck. Ayan na naman ang kung ano sa mata niya at alam kong pandidiri na naman dahil umiiyak ako sa harapan niya.

“Why the fuck are you crying? “ I want to roll my eyes because of his stupid question.

Is it obvious? It’s because you broke my heart, you idiot!

As much as I wanted to answer that, I remained crying. Naramdaman ko ang pagkawala ng hawak niya sa braso ko. I took that chance to cover my face.

“Please leave…” nanghihina kong sinabi. Hindi pa natatapos ang first semester pero parang gusto ko nang sumuko.

I felt him remove my hands from covering my face. Bigla ay napahinto sa pagtulo ang luha ko nang maramdaman kong punasan niya ang basang pisngi ko. I stared at him, and he looked so serious, wiping my tears.

Bumalik ang pagkabuhay ng kulisap sa tiyan ko. What the fudge?

Nang mapansin niya ang tingin ko ay parang napapasong lumayo siya sa akin. Ang seryoso niya mukha ay napalitan ng pandidiri, galit at pagkalito.

“Fuck! “ he hissed and punched the wall. Napatalon ako sa gulat at pinanood ang bulto niyang papalayo sa akin. Dahil sa ingay na nagawa ng suntok niya, ang ibang estudyante ay pumunta sa section kung nasaan ako,

“What happened? “ Mrs. Anna hurriedly went towards me. My vision went fuzzy and next thing I knew, I was on the floor.

“ILUGAR mo nga ’yang kalandian mo, Damien!” I heard Alijah’s voice, and that’s my que to slowly open my eyes. Bumungad sa akin ang kisame at ang mint green na kurtina. And I know I’m currently lying in the school clinic bed.

“Are you asking for privacy, Ali?” dama ko ang ngisi ng lalaki sa tanong niya. Then I heard a slap. “Aw!” Damien grunted.

“Jerk.” bulong ni Alijah. Mukhang ’di pa nila napapansin ang pag gising ko.

“’Wag niyong gawing lambingan ang pag-aaway.” I commented, and their eyes immediately directed towards me.

Lumapit si Alijah, “What happened? Are you okay?”

“Did Zeus do this?” segundo ni Damien.

Naalala ko tuloy ang nangyari kanina. At bumilis ang tibok ng puso nang maalala ko kung paano niya punasan ang luha ko.

It’s like… he’s being hot and cold.

I was just literally brokenhearted a few hours ago, but for just wiping my tears, nabuhay na naman ang nararamdaman ko para sa kaniya.

And this is really insane.

“Grey?’

I snapped out of my thoughts and looked at them again. I smiled and said, “I’m okay. And Zeus is not involved. I guess I just fainted because I couldn’t sleep well last night.”

“Sure?” Damien asked.

“Yes. And thank you, guys, for being here.”

Bumalik na kami ng classroom, and I missed two subjects because of what happened. Hindi naman ako napagalitan ng professor since napaalam agad ng dalawa kung anong nangyari sa akin.

Last subject na lang ang naabutan ko nang makapasok sa loob ng classroom. I’m still light-headed about what happened earlier, so hindi ako makapag-focus sa discussion.

Or rather, dinadama ko parin ang init ng hawak ni Zeus sa akin at ang amoy niya. I covered my mouth to hide my smile.

Nagawa ko pa talagang kiligin kahit na ang laki ng pasa ko sa mga braso. I saw Alijah and Damien eyeing this earlier, but they didn’t ask.

I guess, dahil sa naging sagot ko sa kanila kanina, alam nilang hindi ko gustong i-share ang nangyari.

“Freshmen’s welcome party will be on Monday. There are no assignments this weekend, so you can prepare for it. Make sure to attend, okay?” ani ng professor namin kasabay ng mga hiyawan ng mga kaklase ko.

I stood up and fixed my things. Sinuot ko ang bag ko at ginising si Damien na umiidlip na naman sa klase.

“Damien… let’s go,” gising ko at tinapik ang balikat niya.

Hindi parin siya magising.

“You’ll be fetching Alijah, right?” Agad siyang tumuwid nang upo at kinuha ang bag. Dire-diretso siyang umalis without even waiting for me kaya natawa ako.

Nakita mo pa ang pulang-pula na mata niya at ang bakat ng arm chair sa noo niya bago niya ako iniwan.

Nakita ko agad ang sundo ko nang marating ko ang gate ng school. Because of what happened to me these past few weeks, mas pinili ko na lang magpasundo kaysa mag bisikleta. Takot ako na baka sa bawat araw na ginagamit ko ’yon ay masisira pagkauwi ko and what’s worse is my parents questioning me about it.

I felt a stare piercing through me while I was walking. Iginala ko ang katawan ko at nasalubong ko ang malamig na tingin niya.

It was Zeus, darkly staring at me, watching my every move while he was in his car.

Napatigil ako sa paglalakad at dinama ang lakas ng tibok ng puso ko.

Why is he staring?

Naputol ang tingin niya sa akin nang isara niya ang bintana ng kotse niya at nagmaneho palayo. I even caught him clenching his jaw.

And just like that, I felt a pang in my heart. I remember the things he said earlier.

Galit nga pala siya sa akin. He doesn’t even want my existence. At lalong hindi niya matatanggap kung ano ako.

Mapait akong napangiti.

I have to accept the truth.

My first love is homophobic.

Chapter 10

Glorietta

It’s Saturday morning, and I’m currently here on our porch, sitting while reading a book. Which is not effective for me because all I could think about was the interaction that happened between me and Zeus yesterday.

Pagkagising ko kanina ay naramdaman ko ang pananakit ng mga braso ko at ng leeg ko. Buti na lang ay sa braso lang nagkapasa dahil sa diin ng hawak sa akin ni Zeus at least ay matatakpan ko pa ito.

“Grey? Where are you?” rinig kong tawag sa akin ni mama.

I immediately stood up and went inside. “Here, ma. I was on the porch.” I said when I saw him in the living room. Nakasuot ng casual si mama while dad is wearing corporate attire.

“We’re going now. You sure you’re okay here? Ayaw mo bang bisitahin ang company?” dad asked while holding mama’s hand.

I smiled at the sight of them. “Maybe next time. Dami ko pong pending books.” Tumawa ako.

Natawa din sila at nagpaalam na. I waved my hand while watching their car disappear from my sight. Pumasok na ako at bumalik sa porch. I even take a deep breath to focus.

Hindi ko napansin ang oras habang nagbabasa, napahinto lang ako nang tumunog ang cellphone ko. I fished out my phone and saw Damien’s name on my screen. He’s calling me.

“Hello?” I answered the call.

“Morning, bro. I was just calling to see if you would like to join us to look for retro outfits. I invited Alijah and she said she’d only go if you’d come. Kaya sumama kana.” He sounds frustrated kaya natatawa ako.

“Are you asking a favor or are you commanding me?”

“I’m asking for a favor, of course! Do I have to kneel?”

Lalo akong natawa sa iritadong sagot niya. For the past few weeks na kasama ko siya, nakabisado ko na ang ugali niya. “Okay. What time?”

“Now.”

“Are you kidding me? Nakapantulog pa nga ako.”

“Not my fault, and I don’t care. Gusto ko nang makita si Alijah.”

I rolled my eyes and smiled, “Fine. Text me the location.”

“Thanks, Grey. You’re the best!” aniya at agad akong pinatayan ng tawag. I bet he’s calling Alijah now.

Pumasok na ako ng bahay at umakyat ng kwarto para maligo. After that, nagsuot lang ako ng black jogging pants with a white sweater paired with a white leather sneaker. Tinawag ko na si kuya Albert, ang personal driver ko. The meeting place will be at Glorietta. It’s a shopping mall.

“Kuya, magte-text na lang po ako pag magpapasundo na. Thank you po and ingat pag-uwi.” ani ko sa aming driver at bumaba na ng kotse. Agad akong naglakad sa entrance ng mall at kinuha ang phone ko para ipaalam kina Damien na nakarating na ako.

I’m still typing my message when I heard him calling me. Napatingin ako sa kaniyang diresyon at kumaway. Nakita ko din si Alijah sa tabi niya. They look so good together.

“Naghintay ka ba ng matagal?” Alijah asked and I shook my head.

“Kakarating ko lang din. Saan tayo titingin?”

“Before that, gusto niyo bang kumain muna? My last meal was still yesterday.” ani Damien habang naglalakad kami papasok sa loob ng Glorietta.

Sobrang dalang ko lang pumunta dito dahil hindi nga ako pala-labas na tao. The only reason I’m going here is kapag nagpapasama si mama. Kaya kahit hanggang ngayon ay medyo naa-anxious parin sa dami at ingay ng tao. It’s an open space, and yet I feel like suffocating.

“Where do you want to eat?” tanong ni Damien kay Alijah.

“Kahit saan. Ikaw, Jaime?”

“May ‘kahit saan’ bang kainan dito?” Damien sarcastically said kaya parehas kaming natawa ni Alijah.

Napailing ang lalaki. “Let’s just go to Italianni’s.” Hinawakan niya ang kamay ni Alijah at dumiretso sa escalator. Sumunod ako sa kanila habang tumitingin sa ibang mga department. Tinitignan kung may magugustuhan ako. So, I can also try buying my needs and stuff in a physical store and not just online.

Halos isang oras din ang lumipas bago kami matapos kumain. Big eater si Damien while kami ni Alijah, halos yung shake lang ang naubos naming ni Alijah.

“May idea ka na sa outfit mo, Grey?” Alijah asked while eating the dessert Damien chose for her.

Nandito parin kami sa loob ng Italliani’s, taking a rest before searching for our outfits.

“Hmmm… I searched earlier about retro theme, and I think I’m ’going to wear the same as my outfit today but different style.”

“Oh, I see. I’m thinking of wearing colored flare pants, and for the top… still thinking about it,” she giggled, like she was imagining herself wearing it.

“How ’bout you?” tanong ko kay Damien na nakatitig kay Alijah.Hindi siya sumagot kaya kinalabit ko siya.

“What?” naiinis niyang tanong na parang naistorbo ko siya sa ginagawa niya.

Natawa ako. “Wala. Pag natunaw si Ali kakatitig mo, bahala ka diyan.”

“She doesn’t even care about me,” he said, shrugging his shoulders and standing up.

Nagkatinginan kami ni Ali, looks like she doesn’t know why he is acting like this.

Damien sad boy era?

Tahimik kaming sumakay ng escalator, una kaming pumasok sa women’s clothing store para kay Alijah. Damien followed her while I looked at other sections. Women’s outfits are just amazing.

Though I’m okay with sweater and sweat pants.

Alijah took half an hour to complete her outfit; luckily, we’ve found the perfect top for her pants.

And for boys’ outfits, we also checked the ground floor since kaunti lang ang clothing store for men kung nasaan kami kanina. It took us almost an hour to finish our shopping.

Naglalakad na kami palabas ng Mall and we even bought something to drink after that. I checked my watch; it’s already quarter to four in the afternoon.

It was tiring, but I really enjoyed this day with them.

“So excited to wear this on Monday!” gigil na sabi ni Alijah. Seems like she loves partying, huh?

Gusto ko man na maging masaya katulad niya ay hindi ako mapigilang mag-alala, especially that Zeus will be there. That welcome party might be the reason I’m dropping out of school.

“You okay, Grey?” nag-aalalang tanong ni Alijah. I snapped out of my thoughts and forced out a smile.

“I’m fine…”

Sumeryoso ang mukha niya, “This is about him, right?”

Hindi ako sumagot.

“Are you scared of Zeus?” si Damien ang nagtanong.

I’m not scared of him. I’m scared of what he can do to kick me out of his school.

Nakalabas na kami at naramdaman ko ang akbay sa akin ng lalaki. “You don’t have to be scared, Grey. I’ll beat his ass for you.” aniya sa mayabang na tono.

“And I’ll kick his balls.” singit ni Ali.

Napangiti ako at sabay kaming natawa. I guess I have nothing to worry about.

“Thanks, guys.” sabi ko at humiwalay na sa akbay ni Damien.

“See you on Monday. Make sure you’ll come, okay?”

Tumango ako sa sinabi ni Alijah.

“Ihatid ka ba namin?” si Damien.

“No need. Susunduin naman ako.”

Nagpaalam na kami sa isa’t isa. We waved each other goodbye while I was watching Damien’s car drive away from me.

I was in the parking lot. I chose to wait here dahil walang masyadong tao.

I fished out my phone and texted kuya Albert.

And I was just listening to some songs while waiting for our driver when I felt someone harshly pull out my earphone.

Naamoy ko ang pabango niya kaya bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko.

It’s Zeus.

Our gazes met.

Bakit ba napapadalas ang pagkikita namin?

“So, that low-life asshole is your boyfriend, huh?” panimula niya.

I frowned in confusion. My boyfriend, who?

“Wala akong boyfriend.” I simply answered. Avoiding to trigger his anger again.

“Oh, yeah? You think I’ll believe you?”

Hindi ako sumagot at umiwas ng tingin. I’m too tired to fight with him over this nonsense.

Kung ayaw niya maniwala, ’edi huwag. And why is he even making this a big deal?

Bahagyang nanlaki ang mata ko sa realization na nangyari.

Is he jealous?

Bigla niyang hinawakan nang mahigpit ang panga ko paharap sa kaniya. “Look at me when I’m talking to you.” mariin niyang sinabi.

Ngumiwi ako sa sakit na dulot n’on. “L-Let go…”

“Then answer,”

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

Tinitigan niya ako sa mata, observing me to see if I’m telling the truth. Bumaba ang tingin niya sa labi ko at umigting ang panga niya.

My breath hitched as my eyes widened when his face came closer to mine. Napapikit ako sa tensyon na nangyari.

Is he going to kiss me?

“Zeus?” Agad akong napamulat ng mata nang maramdaman ko ang paglayo sa akin ni Zeus. Bumungad sa akin ang isang magandang babae na nagtatakang tinitignan kami.

Nilapitan siya ni Zeus, “You done?” tanong niya at hinapit ang babae sa bewang. Bumaba ang tingin ko d’on.

And I’m telling you, I can hear my heart breaking into pieces right now.

Tumango ang babae at tinignan ako mula ulo hanggang paa. “Who’s this?”

Napatingin ulit sa akin si Zeus, “No one. Just some virus we have to get away from.”

Naglakad na sila palayo sa akin. Natulala ako sa kanilang dalawa at hindi alam ang gagawin.

I even saw them kissing inside the car. Kumikinang ang labi ni Zeus nang bumaling siya sa akin. Kumunot ang noo niya habang tinitignan ako.

And from there, I felt my tears streaming down my face.

Why the fudge are you crying, Grey?

Agad akong tumalikod palayo sa kanila at pinunasan ang luha ko.

My heart is really heavy, and I badly want to go home.

I’m such a hypocrite to think he’s jealous and wants to kiss me.

Even the crows turns white, Zeus will never like me.

Chapter 11

Craving

It’s Monday, the day that our welcome party will happen, and I think it will be my doomsday. I mean, every day I meet Zeus, I will always experience something bad. But today? I can feel it’ll get much worse.

Huminga ako ng malalim.

Stop overthinking, Grey. You have friends, right?

I let out a sigh as I got out of the car. The party will be later at 7 p.m., and we still have class until 1 p.m.

I can hear noises before I reach our classroom; I guess our professor is still not here. And when I got inside, I noticed that they were so busy chit-chatting with others. The arrangement of the seats is messed up.

Wala pa si Damien nang makaupo ako sa puwesto namin. Siguro ay hinatid si Alijah sa klase niya. Nang matapos kong malabas ang mga gagamitin ko for first subject ay dumating na din si Damien at pabagsak na umupo sa tabi ko.

“Whoo! I thought I was late,” he exclaimed as he gasped for breath. Uminom pa siya ng tubig bago siya tumingin sa akin.

“Morning, Grey!” he greeted. I can’t help but roll my eyes. Masaya na naman siya ngayon tapos mamaya galit na naman. Kalalaking tao, ang moody. Kay Alijah lang kaya maging consistent ang mood.

“Morning.”

“Are you excited for later?”

Hindi ako sumagot kaya lumapit siya sa akin at hinuhuli ang tingin ko.

“It’s about that motherfucker, am I right?”

“Who’s motherfucker, Mr. Smith?”

Agad kaming napaayos ng upo ni Damien nang marinig naming ang boses ni professor. He’s looking at us intently, especially at the guy beside me.

Hindi sumagot si Damien pero narinig ko ang pag-igting ng panga niya. There’s always a silent war when it comes to these two. Parang may tinatagong galit sa isa’t-isa.

I heard that this is the same professor that Damien had last year. At sa tingin ko ay isa siya sa mga dahilan kung bakit umulit ng school year ang lalaki.

Noong hindi niya pa kilala si Ali, he always answers back, but after he started courting Ali, I noticed that Damien changed his attitude when it comes to his education. He’s doing his best now to pass this school year.

And I appreciate him because of that.

Nakakabasa ako lagi ng ganito sa mga romantic books. Even the worst person can change when they meet the love of their life.

Biglang pumasok sa isip ko ang mukha ni Zeus.

Am I able to change him?

I smiled bitterly.

The audacity of me to think about it when I’ll never be the love of his life.

He hates you to death, remember?

I cleared my bitter thoughts and focused on the discussion. Our half-day class just went normal. Noong break naming ay kumain lang kami sa patio kasama si Ali and for the last subject, ay hindi pumasok ang lecturer namin.

The next thing I knew, I was inside our car on my way home.

Ngayon lang ako hindi natuwa sa bilis ng oras.

“Hi, Grey! How was your school?” salubong sa akin ni mama nang makapasok ako sa loob ng bahay.

I kissed his cheeks and smiled, “Good, mama. How about you? How’s your day?”

“Fine, also. Just missing your daddy Casthan…” he giggled, and I laughed.

“I miss him, too.”

Umakyat muna ako para ibaba ang gamit ko at napalit ng suot. I wore my comfy shorts and a green long sleeve top at bumaba na ulit para puntahan si mama sa kusina.

He cooked our lunch. Hindi talaga siya sumama ngayon kay daddy dahil alam niyang uuwi ako ng maaga. Namiss daw niyang ipagluto ako.

“Wow. You cooked my favorites!” I exclaimed as I sat on our dining chair. My eyes gleamed staring at the meals in front of me.

May kare-kare, home-made bagoong from lola, and fried galunggong. This is one of my top meals on my list. Ang dami kong nakakain na kanin dito.

“Enjoy!” masayang sabi ni mama at umupo sa harap ko. We started eating as I shared about my experiences at school; of course, I excluded my bad experiences. I even tried my best to avoid saying Zeus name, but Mama still asked about him.

“How about Zeus? Are you seeing him there?”

“Y-Yes.” I stuttered and drank water to compose myself. Gusto kong magsumbong sa kaniya at umiyak but I don’t want to ruin Zeus image more, especially since the last dinner we had with his family was not a good encounter.

Naalala ko talaga kung ilang beses nag-sorry n’on si Tito Caius at Tito Gaze about their son’s attitude. Si daddy ay talagang nagalit n’on and he almost punched Zeus but Mama stopped him.

Ayoko nang maulit ang gulong ’yon, lalo na ang malaman ni daddy ang pang-aabusong ginagawa sa akin ni Gaze. Hell will break loose, for sure.

At isa pa ay ayokong masira ang pinagsamahan ng pamilya dahil lang sa gulo namin ni Zeus.

“Nag-sorry na ba siya sa ’yo about last time?”

Napatigil ako at tumingin kay mama. He is asking innocently, and I’m so guilty that I need to lie.

“Yup, and t-that’s the last interaction we’ve had.”

“I see… but good thing he apologized.”

Ngiti na lang ang sagot ko kay mama para maputol na ang usapan. I don’t want to lie anymore.

Busog na busog ako nang bumalik ako ng kwarto. Nang malinis namin ang pinagkainan ay nagpaalam na akong magpapahinga muna at siya naman ay nagbabalak siyang pumunta kay daddy para dalhan nang niluto niyang pagkain.

It’s quarter to four, and I still have time to rest. Umidlip ako ng ilang oras bago mag handa sa gaganapin na party. I’m excited and nervous at the same time. Excited because this will be the first school party I’ll experience, and nervous because of Zeus.

For the last time, I checked myself in the mirror. I’m wearing a white polo with a brown button-down sweater vest on top of it, and I paired it with corduroy trousers and a sahara leather boat shoe. I also put on a necktie to match the theme of our party.

Pagkatapos ay nagpahatid na ako kay kuya Albert sa school. I also send a message to my friends that I’m on my way.

Wala pa man ako sa school ay naririnig ko na ang malakas na tugtog ng party. I can also see the colored lights in the sky; I believe that’s from a skylight projector.

Huminga ako nang malalim bago bumaba ng kotse. I even prayed silently to make this night peaceful. Nagpasalamat na ako kay kuya Albert at nagpaalam.

I walked towards the gate and presented my I.D. to the guard. Sumalubong sa akin ang lakas ng tugtog at ang malilikot na makulay na ilaw dahil sa disco lights. My jaw almost drops at the sight of the venue. Sobrang ganda ng pagkaka-organize.

The huge royal blue and white silk curtains are all over the place. The tables are placed at each side of the red carpet, which is like a walking path towards the stage. The stage is huge. On the right side, there’s a DJ and the mixer. On the left, there’s a band. And in the middle, you can see the huge banners saying, “Welcome, juniors!”

Madami narin ang mga estudyante at lahat sila ay presentableng tignan. They really followed the theme of the party. I can even notice the glitter on girls faces, which makes them more beautiful.

I saw Damien and Ali sitting on the table near the stage, so I walked to them. Hindi ko gusto ang pwesto dahil bungad na bungad kami but I have no choice since sila lang naman ang kaibigan ko dito.

Ali’s eyes widened when she spotted me; she waved her hands excitedly, “OMG! Ang cute mo!” sigaw niya nang makalapit ako.

“Thank you. And you look beautiful in your outfit, by the way,” I remarked and sat along with them.

“Are you flirting with my girl, Grey?” Nabaling ang tingin ko kay Damien na naniningkit ang mata sa akin.

“And the pigs are blue.” I answered, and we all laughed.

They are aware of my sexuality. And I’m telling you, the best thing to feel is that there are people who can accept who and what you are.

I noticed that they were wearing the same color for their outfit. It’s either pinagplanuhan nila or si Damien lang ang gumaya kay Ali.

I smiled at that thought.

He was wearing a white printed shirt tucked in his tattered pants and a green khaki collar neck button-down shirt on top of it. I even noticed his black leather shoes.

Ali is also wearing an army green midriff shirt, paired with her pink flare pants. She looks hot in it. Lalo na ang agaw pansin niyang mga jewelries sa katawan at ang makukulay na design sa buhok niya.

They both look amazing.

“Good evening, freshmen.” Agad naalis ang atensyon ko mula sa dalawa at nalipat sa lalaking nagsalita.

Nawala ang tugtog, malilikot na ilaw at tumahimik ang paligid. Lahat ay tumayo at nakatutok ngayon sa matipunong lalaking nasa stage.

Zeus is looks like he is shining from the lights that are now directed at the stage.

My heart beats fast at the sight of this Greek god in front of us.

He’s wearing a dirty white tight polo that emphasizes his muscular body with brown leather suspenders on it, and it was tucked in inside his gray-colored pants and the black flat cap on his head.

How can a simple look be so perfect?

Hindi ko alam kung saan ako babaling. Sa kaniyang guwapong mukha o sa kaniyang pumuputok na biceps.

Kahit na marami akong nakain kanina ay parang bigla akong nagutom.

I am craving for something… or someone….

Sa naisip kong iyon ay naramdaman ko ang pag-init ng pisngi ko.

Napayuko ako. I am ashamed of myself.

I’m not a fan of sexualizing or imagining lewd stuff. But because of Zeus, I suddenly want to give in.

Gusto ko siyang luhudan at pagsilbihan.

Kinurot ko ang sarili para magising mula sa makamundong pagnanasa. Inangat ko ulit ang tingin ko at halos mapaatras ako nang masalubong ang malamig na tingin ni Zeus sa akin.

Nanlambot ang tuhod ko at wala sa sariling napasuporta ako sa lamesa.

How can a heartless guy have this effect on me?

Swear, he’ll be the death of me.

Chapter 12

Cloud 9

The party went smoothly. After Zeus gave his speech, the party started. May mga nagbigay pa ng special performance, which really amazes us. Ngayon ko lang nalaman na may singing and dance troupe pala sa school na ’to. I guess I was too focused to survive this school every day, and to Zeus, that’s why I’m oblivious to other things here at school.

Nang dumating ang kainan ay doon tumugtog ang banda. They are doing live songs, and I can’t help but stare at them. Kumikinang yata ang mata ko. This is not the first time I’ve watched live bands; it’s just that it gives me an overwhelming feeling every time I’m listening to them. And I know that I’m most attracted to the main vocalists since their voices never fail to give me goosebumps.

Hindi ko alam kung nasaan si Zeus, after he gave his speech, agad siyang umalis at hindi ko na nasundan kung saan siya pumunta dahil sa dami ng mga estudyante. Gusto ko ulit siyang makita, lalo na ang suot niyang ’yon. Hindi parin maalis sa aking isipan ang itsura at presensya niya kanina n’ong umakyat siya ng stage.

He’s really a living Greek god.

Pagkatapos ko kumain ay naisipan kong magbanyo. Nagpaalam ako sa dalawa at tumayo. Hindi ko alam kung nasaan ang banyo dito dahil ang alam kong banyo lang ay iyong nandoon sa building namin.

“Kuya, nasaan po ’yung banyo?” tanong ko sa nakita kong guard.

“Doon po sa may likod. Diretsuhin niyo lang po ’yang hallway na ’yan.” Sagot niya habang tinuturo ang daan. Ngumiti ako at nagpasalamat.

While I was on my way there, I fished out my phone to check my messages. I smiled when I saw one from my parents. Nangangamusta lang sila. I typed my reply and hit send before putting my phone back in my pocket.

Natuwa ako nang makita ko na sa wakas ang banyo. Agad akong pumasok para umihi. At naghugas ng kamay pagkatapos.

I was humming on my way out of the comfort room. Rinig na rinig ko ang banda pati rito. Instead of walking back to the party, naakit ang mata ko sa fountain with lights. Nae-emphasized ang liwanag nito dahil madilim ang paligid n’on. I walked into it and took pictures of the gleaming moon above me.

I love this view so much.

Sumasabay pa ang lamig ng simoy ng hangin. I closed my eyes and felt the cold breeze around me. Parang mas gusto ko pang mag-stay dito kaysa bumalik sa loob ng party. Tahimik at peaceful.

Pero syempre, hindi pwede dahil for sure ay hahanapin ako ng dalawa.

I smiled to myself and started walking on my way back when I heard something.

“Z-Zeus…” Lumaki ang mata nang marinig ang pangalan na iyon. It’s the voice of a girl and she’s moaning.

“M-more… ah!” Nangilabot ako dahil sa narinig. Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyayari sa akin pero natagpuan ko na lang ang sarili kong naglalakad patungo sa ingay na ’yon.

Malakas ang tibok ng puso ko. Sa kabila ng kaba ay umaasa akong iba ang makikita ko.

And there, I saw Zeus, on top of the half-naked girl, kissing her neck while humping on her roughly. Lumaki ang mata ko at hindi mapigilan ang mapasinghap sa nakita. Agad silang napatingin dahil sa ingay na ginawa ko.

“I-I’m sorry!” Agad kong sinabi at tumakbo palayo doon. My heart is beating so fast, and yet I can feel it clenching painfully.

Biglang umikot ang aking paningin nang maramdaman ko ang marahas na hila sa aking braso. Dumagdag ang matinding takot sa puso ko nang makita ang galit na mukha ni Zeus.

Walang salitang kinaladkad niya ako sa madilim na pasilyo kung saan ko sila nakita n’ong babae kanina. Ramdam ko na parang mababali na ang braso ko dahil sa diin ng hawak niya sa akin.

“Z-Zeus, it hurts…” angal ko ngunit ang naging sagot niya lang ay marahas na pagtulak niya sa akin sa pader. Napangiwi ako ng sobra sa sakit na naramdaman. Naramdaman ko ang pagkabali ng kung ano sa likod ko dahil sa lakas ng pagkakatama ko sa pader. My eyes started to well up and because of the pain, I fell down on my knees.

Sa aktong pagtayo ko palang ay naramdaman ko na ang pagsabunot niya sa buhok ko. Hindi ako nakatayo at napatingala sa kaniya.

“I told you a million times to never mess with me.” Nanggigil niyang sinabi at bigla akong nahilo nang maramdaman ko ang pagsampal sa mukha ko nang malakas.

Ako ay natulala at hindi nag sink-in agad sa akin ang kaniyang ginawa.

Na-realize ko lang ang sakit nang malasahan ko ang dugo sa labi ko. Sunod-sunod umagos ang luha ko dahil sa sakit at sa takot.

“I’m sorry… please let me go…” umiiyak kong pakiusap habang tinutulak siya palayo sa akin.

Napansin ko ang paglabas ng ugat niya sa leeg at pamumula ng mata dahil sa galit at halatang nakainom din siya.

He stared at me darkly, scanning my face thoroughly. My face is numb because of the pain, pero kahit namamanhid ay naramdaman ko parin ang paghawak niya sa pisngi kong masakit.

I gasped at the way he touched me. It’s so gentle that I shivered down my spine.

“I hate you so much…” aniya sa mahinang boses habang hinahaplos ang mukha ko. Hindi ko siya matignan at ang tanging nasa isip ko ay ang makaalis sa sitwasyon na ’to.

“Let me go…”

“Do you know why I hate you?” tanong niya habang pinipilit hulihin ang mata ko. He held my chin, and his thumb is playing on my bottom lip.

Sa kabila ng aking takot ay hindi ko parin maiwasan maramdaman ang kiliting dala ng presensiya niya sa akin.

I shook my head and tried to push him away, but it’s too weak to even make him budge.

“Answer me.” He reprimands, and suddenly I remembered all the insults he said to me.

Umahon ulit ang mga luha ko at naninikip ang aking dibdib. Ganunpaman ay pinilit ko siyang sagutin, “Because I’m a disgusting piece of shit? And I am a faggot? And I don’t deserve to live? Because I am here in your school?” puno ng hinanakit kong sabi sa kaniya at sinalubong ang kaniyang mata.

Hindi niya ako sinagot at nanigas ako sa sunod niyang ginawa.

He lowered his head and reached for my lips to kiss them. He’s kissing me thoroughly, sucking, and licking my lips like his life depends on it.

Nanlalaki ang mata ko sa gulat habang siyang nakapikit ang mata habang hinahalikan ako. He pushed his tongue inside my mouth and twirled it around mine.

Sinubukan ko siyang itulak dahil nahihirapan akong huminga ngunit hinawi niya lang ang kamay ko at hinapit ang bewang ko.

My heart is pounding so fast, and my knees are giving up. Napahawak ako sa kaniyang balikat at napapikit ng mariin.

My mind is hazy, and I have so many questions on my mind.

What is he doing? Why is he kissing me?

“Kiss me back…” he whispered between his kisses.

I really want to do that, but I’m afraid he’ll punch me in the face, and aside from that, I don’t know how to kiss back!

I don’t care anymore. This is a life time chance and I don’t want to waste it.

I kissed him back with all my might and hooked my arms around his neck. I can feel him smiling.

Oh, my god. Nananaginip yata ako.

I’d never thought of him kissing me like this because I know it will be impossible.

But now, I find myself moaning and even asking for more.

Naglakbay ang labi niya sa aking panga at ang kamay niya ay bumababa sa aking puwitan. He’s kneading my bottom, and I don’t know why I am so embarrassed.

Our kisses last for I don’t know how many minutes but it’s so damn long because we are gasping for air as we stare at each other.

This scenario is too unreal for me. If this is a dream, don’t wake me up.

“Zeus? Are you here?”

Nanlaki ang aking mata at bago ko pa matulak palayo si Zeus ay natagpuan ko na ang sarili kong nakaupo sa lupa dahil sa malakas na pagtulak niya sa ’kin.

I was beyond shocked. I can’t even fathom what just happened.

“Stay away from me, you fucking faggot!” sigaw ni Zeus sa akin at saktong lumapit ang babaeng naghahanap sa kaniya kanina.

“What happened?” nag-aalalang tanong ng babae.

“That guy tried to harass me; it’s fucking disgusting.” Sagot niya habang masama ang tingin sa akin.

Nanlaki ang mata ko sa kasinungalingan niya. Before I could even speak, the girl walked near me and slapped me in the face.

“I’ll remember your face.” she said menacingly and pulled away Zeus.

I held my aching cheek while watching them walk away. My tears are pouring down, and my heart is hurting so bad. Nasasaktan ako dahil sa ginawa ni Zeus ngunit alam kong kasalanan ko din ito dahil nahulog ako sa patibong niya ngunit dumadagdag doon ang pagkapahiya sa akin.

I don’t know if she saw my face since it’s dark but I hope not because if she saw me, then I’ll be a living newspaper tomorrow.

I covered my face and let myself cry for a moment.

I can still feel his lips on me.

I can still feel his warmth when he holds my body.

And I can still remember how he kissed me.

I was just on cloud nine earlier, and now I feel like I just want to be buried alive.

Hindi ko alam kung kakayanin ko pa pumasok sa school na ’to.

Chapter 13

Call

“Sir Greyson?” I snapped out of my thoughts when I heard Kuya Albert calling my name.

“P-Po?” Kumurap ako upang pasimpleng maalis ang luha.

“Nandito na po tayo.”

Tumingin ako sa labas at nakita ang bahay. Nakauwi na pala kami and my mind was too occupied to notice that.

Maliit akong ngumiti sa aming driver at bumaba na ng kotse. I checked the time, and it’s already quarter to 2 a.m.

Sana ay tulog na sila Mama dahil hindi ko alam kung anong maisasagot ko kung kukumustahin nila ang event. I just want to lay on my bed and rest my mind from everything.

The lights were dim when I entered the house. My parents are sleeping, and that’s a good thing. Nang makarating ako ng kuwarto ay agad akong dumiretso sa banyo para maligo. Nangangati ako sa mga lupang nadikit sa akin nang itulak ako ni Zeus kanina.

My tears were falling while I was washing myself. It hurts so much. Pakiramdam ko ay isa akong laruan na tinapon pagkatapos pagkasayahan. He played with my feelings, and as much as I would like to hate him, alam kong malabo.

Nagagalit ako sa sarili ko dahil sa kabila ng lahat ng ginawa niyang pang-aabuso at pamamahiya sa akin ay parang lalo lang ako nahuhulog sa kaniya. I’m so stupid, and I hate it.

I hate that I love him.

I hate that even after what happened tonight, I still want to see him and feel his warmth on my skin again.

I looked in the mirror and touched my swollen lips. Pumikit ako nang mariin at inalala ang itsura ni Zeus kanina habang hinahalikan ako.

How can he even do that? He’s disgusted at me, but he can still look like he’s enjoying the kiss that we shared.

He must be a great player.

Humiga na ako ng kama at nag-iwan ng mensahe kina Ali at Damian na nakauwi na ako. I can still remember their worried faces when I went back at our table and tell them I’m going home. Alam kong ramdam nilang ’di ako okay pero hindi na sila nagtanong at hinayaan na lang ako umalis.

I’m just thankful to have them. Despite experiencing hell at that school, in the end, I know I will still have my friends.

Hindi ako makatulog ng maayos. Hindi ako pinapatulog ng utak ko. Every time I close my eyes, I can see Zeus kissing me and the disgusted face of the girl while looking at me.

Sinubukan ko takpan ang aking mukha gamit ang unan para makatulog ngunit hindi gumagana. Napaaray pa ako ng maramdaman ang sakit sa likod ko.

Tumayo ako at binuksan ang ilaw para tignan ang likod ko sa salamin. Nagulat ako sa laki ng pasa na nakita ko. My skin is so pale; that’s why it’s too obvious. Napansin ko din ang mga pasa ko sa ibang parte, lalo na sa aking braso.

Nadagdagan ang mga iniisip ko dahil dito. Kailangan ko ’tong maitago mula sa parents ko dahil sigurado ay hindi nila ako titigilan sa pagtatanong kung saan ko nakuha ang mga pasang ’to.

I sighed and went back to my bed. At dahil hindi ako makatulog ay naisipan kong gamitin ang phone ko. Balak kong mag-browse sa social media hanggang makatulog ako.

Bumaba ako sa kusina para magtimpla ng gatas at tumingin nang makakain. I went to our counter and sat on a chair while distracting myself with my phone.

Buti na lang at walang pasok bukas kaya ayos lang magpuyat ngayon and I can also take a break from Zeus.

I am overthinking about what will happen on Monday. Natatakot ako na baka kumalat ang balita na hina-harass ko si Zeus at mag-iba ang tingin sa akin ng mga estudyante.

Natatawa na lang ako sa isipin na sa tagal kong ginustong makaalis sa homeschool ay ganito pa ang naranasan ko. And maybe it was my fault. Because the first time I met Zeus, I knew he was bad news, but I still chose to keep these feelings and followed him.

My brows furrowed when an unknown number appeared on my screen. Who will call me in the middle of the night?

“Hello?” My voice was raspy when I answered the call. Nakarinig ako ng paghinga ngunit hindi nagsasalita.

“Who’s this?” I tried to ask again.

“It’s Zeus. Come out for a second.” My eyes widen, and I look at my screen to check if I’m hallucinating.

“H-Huh?”

“I’m outside of your house. Come see me.” Hindi ako makapagsalita sa gulat.

Is this for real? And how did he even get my number?

Hindi ko alam kung sasaya ako o matatakot dahil hindi ko parin makalimutan ang ginawa niya sakin kanina.

“H-How did you get my number?” I asked nervously while walking towards the door. Para akong lumulutang habang naglalakad kasi hindi talaga ako makapaniwala na tatawagan niya ako.

I don’t know what his intention is, but I hope it’s not bad.

“Shut up with your stupid questions and go outside.” My jaw dropped at his tone.

Really, Zeus?

Huminga ako ng malalim at napagdesisyunan na lumabas na ng bahay. Hindi naman siguro niya ako sasaktan dahil nasa harap kami ng bahay and I can seek help if ever he’ll try to harm me.

Nakita ko ang kotse niya sa labas, sa ilalim ng malaking puno. Hindi ko alam kung nasa labas siya ng kotse o nasa loob pa dahil madilim ang banda doon.

Binaba ko na ang tawag nang makalabas ako ng gate namin then I realized that I was wearing my silk pajamas.

I just want to smack myself because of it. Nakakahiyang lumabas na ganito ang suot ko. Pero hindi na ako magpapalit gustuhin ko man kasi panigurado ay nakita na niya ako.

I was about to knock on his tinted window when someone pulled my arm on the other side of the car. Sisigaw sana ako sa takot ngunit naamoy ko ang pabango na may pinagsamang amoy ng alak nang humila sa ’kin.

It was Zeus.

Sinandal niya ako sa kotse at napatingala ako sa kaniya. Dahil sa mumunting ilaw na sumisilip sa puno ay nakita ko ang mukha niya. His eyes are red and sleepy. Parang marami siyang nainom at sobrang lapit niya sa akin.

“W-Why are you here?” I asked nervously. My heart is palpitating at his presence.

Please lang, Greyson, take a break from your stupidity.

“I can’t get enough.” aniya sa malalim na boses.

“H-Huh?”

And he answered me with his kisses. Hinapit niya ang aking katawan at mas diniinan ang halik sa akin.

I was shocked. For the second time. Nakapikit ang mata niya at parang sabik na sabik siya sa labi ko.

My tears started to fall, and I couldn’t even bring myself to kiss him back.

I’m just so confused.

Pinaglalaruan niya na naman ako.

I pushed him with all my strength, and he was irritated about what I did.

“What are you doing?” Parang tanga pa niyang tanong. Mas lalong pumait ang nararamdaman ko.

“Should I be the one who’s asking that?” Nabilib ako sa buo ng boses ko sa kabila ng pag-iyak.

“I’m kissing you, can’t you see?” sagot niya at hinalikan akong muli.

Is he playing dumb or what?

Umiling ako at tinulak siya. “Stop it.”

He sighed harshly and messed up his hair out of frustration. “What the fuck is your problem?”

Seryoso niya akong tinignan. Unbothered by my tears.

Hanggang kailan kaya ako magmu-mukhang tanga sa harap niya?

Pinunasan ko ang luha ko at binalik ang tingin niya, “Kung wala kang sasabihin, babalik na ako ng bahay.”

Hindi ko na hinintay ang sagot niya at nagsimulang ihakbang ang paa ko. At katulad ng hinala ko ay hinila niya ako ulit.

He wiped my tears as he gave me rain kisses on my lips.

How can my heart be clenching in pain and fluttering at the same time?

“Fuck. I don’t know what’s on your lips.” he grunted as he kissed me fully. Kinulong niya ang katawan ko sa mga braso niya kaya hindi ako makawala.

“Kiss me back. I know you want this…” aniya at nilagay ang kamay ko sa malapad na dibdib niya.

Hindi ako kumibo at kinabahan. Does he know that I have feelings for him?

Mukhang naputol na ang pasensya niya sa inaakto ko kaya humiwalay siya sa akin at sinuntok ang kotse sa likod ko.

Napaigtad ako sa gulat at napapikit sa takot.

“Why the fuck are you acting like a shy bitch? Fags like you want my dick, so why are you chickening out, huh?”

My heart broke into pieces. My hopes disappeared. Despite being confused, I was actually thinking that he might like me too. And the reason he’s kissing me is because he wants me too.

But no, that’s not the case. Ang baba ng tingin niya sa akin. At hanggang doon lang ’yon.

His words are like a sharp blade. And he’s so heartless.

I slapped his face along with the pain I’m carrying. “Don’t ever do this again.” matigas kong sinabi at iniwan siya doon na gulat sa ginawa ko.

Tumakbo ako papasok ng bahay at dumiretso ng kwarto. I shut down my phone and curl myself up on the bed.

And that night, I cried my heart out.

Chapter 14

Sierra

I woke up to the sun beaming through my blinds. I groaned and cradled a pillow on my face. Gusto ko pang matulog at isa pa ay masakit ang mga mata ko para imulat. Hanggang sa panaginip ko ay dala ko ang mga nangyari sa akin and I don’t even know if I can consider it a nice dream or a nightmare.

I peek at my phone to check the time. It’s already 1 in the afternoon kaya napabangon ako bigla sa higaan at pinilit ang sarili ko na pumunta ng banyo para mag-ayos. Pagkatingin ko sa sarili ko sa salamin ay sobrang maga ng mata ko dahil sa pag-iyak.

Alas singko na ako ng umaga nakatulog dahil sa kaka-iyak at kakaisip sa nangyari sa araw na ’yon. It’s a bittersweet memory that I don’t want to forget. Buti na lang ay hindi ako pinuntahan ni Mama kanina para gisingin sa almusal. I bet they are worried about me.

After I took a bath, I went to my mini fridge to get some ice and covered it with a face towel. I spent my 30 minutes putting that on my eyes to lessen the swelling. I have to make sure I look okay before going downstairs.

I saw Mom reading a book in our living room when I came down. I immediately went to him and kissed his cheeks. Gulat naman siyang napatingin sa akin at ngumiti din kalaunan. I guess he’s too focused on what he’s doing; that’s why he didn’t notice my presence.

“Good morning, baby. How’s your sleep?”

“Not that good, but I am better now.” I smiled at him.

“That’s good to hear, and you can come to me anytime to share what happened, if you’re ready.” Nakahinga ako ng maluwag sa sinabi niya at lalong napangiti, I was afraid that he’d ask me questions about yesterday, and I don’t have a choice but to say the truth because I hate lying to my parents.

“Thank you, Mama.”

He answered me with a smile and stood up. “Bet you’re hungry, so I cooked your favorite.” Aniya habang naglalakad patungo sa kusina at excited naman akong sumunod sa kaniya.

Pinaupo niya ako at siya ang naghanda ng kakainin ko. I was so touched while watching him take care of me. Parang bigla ay gusto kong mag-break down at ipaalam sa akniya ang mga nangyari. I know I can trust him; it’s just that I also know that he will not remain silent once he knows that Zeus is abusing me physically and verbally.

“By the way, Grey, we’re going to your Tito Caius and Tito Gaze’s house later. They’ll have a welcome party for their daughter, and we’re invited to come.”

Napatigil ako sa kinakain ko at nagtatakang tumingin sa kaniya. “They have a daughter?” tanong ko. All this time ay akala ko si Zeus lang ang anak nila.

“Yes. Her name is Sierra. I’m sorry, baby. I thought we already told you that.”

Ngumiti ako at umiling, “Nothing to be sorry, Ma. Where does she live?”

“She’s living in the US, and she’s living with her grandparents. Sierra’s choice.”

“Oh, okay…” The conversation ended and I continued eating my lunch. I was wondering if I should go or not. Hindi ko pa kaya makita si Zeus.

But I think Zeus will not be there since based on my experience, he’s not really a fan when it comes to family celebrations, and I hope so.

“Is there a theme for the party, Ma?” I asked her while my eyes were on the screen. My mom and I are now watching some documentaries on TV while eating snacks.

“Hmmm… not really. You can wear anything you want.” Tumango-tango ako at nag-focus na sa pinapanuod.

At 6 p.m., my dad came home from work. Sinalubong namin siya ni Mama and I gave him a hug. These past few days, they were busy and I’m also busy at school kaya hindi kami masyadong nagkikita kaya namiss ko sila. Ito na lang yata ulit yung magkakasama kaming lumabas simula ng mag start yung school.

Umakyat na ako sa taas para mag-ayos. I took a bath for the second time today and wore a white tee with a black corduroy jacket on top of it. I paired it with shorts and a white sneaker.

Bumyahe kami nila Mama using Dad’s car. Nasa harapan sila at ako ay nasa backseat. I was looking through my phone the whole time we were on the ride. This is the first time I’ll get to see Zeus House, and I’m kind of nervous.

Hindi man siya um-attend ng party ay paniguradong nasa bahay siya nila at hinihiling ko sana wala siya.

I need a break from Zeus. Pagalingin niya muna pasa ko.

Nakarating kami sa bahay nila Zeus ng mga bandang alas-nuwebe na. After dad parked his car, sabay-sabay kaming bumaba and I were greeted with a grand house in front of us.

Their house stands as a testament to modern elegance, its clean lines and sleek architecture drawing the eye. The exterior is a pristine white, accented with touches of gold that glint in the lights, adding a touch of luxury without overwhelming the minimalist design.

Marami ng mga bisita nang makapasok kami. I was left in awe of the view. Our house is huge, but this is five times larger.

The large and spacious hall greets visitors with polished white marble floors and a grand staircase with gold-accented railings. The open-concept living space is airy and expansive, with white walls and high ceilings that enhance the sense of space. Gold fixtures and accents are tastefully integrated throughout, from the modern chandeliers that cast a warm glow all over inside.

Pinuntahan kami agad nila Tito Gaze at Tito Caius nang makita kami. They guided us to our seats, and I’m not sure now if I can call this a welcome part or not. The preparation they made was too much for a welcome party, in my opinion. But I guess they just want to make sure that their daughter will enjoy it and make this party memorable for her.

The speech was held by Zeus’ father, and I got the answer why this party is huge for a welcome party. Because aside from that, it’s also for the celebration of their growing business, and I just realized that most of the visitors are their business partners. Ayaw ko man ay hindi ko maiwasan hanapin si Zeus at nakahinga ako ng maluwag dahil hindi ko siya nakita.

“And now, let’s welcome my precious, beautiful daughter, Sierra Kate Dark!” Tumayo kami at nagpalakpakan. We were astounded as we watched a young goddess walk from the aisle to the front. She’s wearing a beige corporate dress, and her long brown hair is tied elegantly.

“Good evening, everyone. First and foremost, I would like to say thank you for coming to this party. I hope you are enjoying the night. And for my daddies, thank you for this party you prepared for me. I miss you both, and I’m glad to be here again.” She smiled at us, and her teeth were even shining. Lalo siyang gumanda sa paningin ko at hindi ko maiwasan ang mainggit. I can see the resemblance of Tito Cauis to her, rather than Tito Gaze.

Pumalakpak kaming muli at may isang gwapong binata sa harap at nagulat kaming lahat ng bigla itong lumuhod. “Hi, love. I know that we’re too young, and this is too early for us, but the moment I first laid eyes on you, I knew in my core that you were the one I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. Will you marry me?”

Sierra covered her mouth, and her tears were falling drastically. She nodded and extended her hands to him. Napatalon naman ang lalaki sa tuwa at hinalikan si Sierra matapos suotan ng singsing. Umingay ang paligid at kani-kaniyang bati ang natanggap ng dalawa.

I even notice that Tito Caius is crying, and Tito Gaze is smiling while looking at his husband. They looked both so proud, and from there, I knew immediately that they were aware of the proposal, and they helped Sierra’s boyfriend make this successful.

Now, I can’t help but be envious again. Pakiramdam ko ay hindi ko mararanasan ang ganito dahil sa gender ko. Yes, I have living proof—my mom and dad—but because of how Zeus treats me, the fear is etched in my heart.

The party continued, and the visitors are dancing on their tables already. And I was just at our table, sitting alone and eating my desserts.

Hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko pa nakikita si Zeus and it’s just kind of strange to me that he’s not here for his sister.

I sighed and cleared my mind about Zeus. I should enjoy myself.

Tumayo ako para magbanyo. Kaso sa laki ng bahay na ito ay parang maliligaw ako. Nagtanong ako sa mga nagse-serve doon at sinabi sa akin na ang banyo ay nasa taas. Occupied daw ang mga banyo dito sa baba kaya doon ako pumunta.

Nagpasalamat ako at lulang naglakad sa grand staircase nila. This house is so expansive that even when I reach the second floor, it’s still spacious.

Sabi sa akin ay nasa bandang dulo ang banyo kaya naglakad ako papunta doon. And I saw a door that were open, I assumed that was the bathroom.

I walked towards it and slowly push the door and the first thing that I saw was Zeus, who was naked and had just gotten out of the shower.

Natigilan kami at napatitig sa isa’t isa. He looks confused and surprised, pero agad din ’yon nawala. And now he’s staring at me blankly.

“U-Uh… I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” utal kong sinabi at hindi makatingin sa mata niya. My face is burning, and I can’t forget his naked image in my mind.

You’re shameless, Grey.

Pumikit ako ng mariin at pumihit na patalikod ngunit naramdaman ko ang kamay niyang humila sa akin at pinaharap ako sa kaniya.

Nanlaki ang mata ko nang magkadikit ang katawan namin. I can freaking feel his huge thing on my stomach.

Oh, my god.

“What the fuck are you doing on my room, you fag?” His deep voice went down on my spine. And I almost fainted at his scent because it’s smell so good.

I can’t even process my answer to his question because of our position.

He just kissed me yesterday, and now I am able to see him fully naked?

You got to be kidding me.

Chapter 15

Regret

“Are you deaf?” iritadong tanong niya kaya napabalik ako sa huwisyo ko.

Magkalapit parin ang katawan namin kaya tinulak ko siya ng bahagya palayo sa akin at ilang na tumingin sa kaniya, “I was invited to your sister’s welcome party.”

“Oh, really?” I can feel his insulting tone in his questions. “Then why are you at my room?” dagdag niya at nagbalot ng tuwalya sa lower body niya. Nakahinga naman ako ng maluwag.

“I-I thought it was the bathroom, I was told to go here because the bathrooms downstairs are occupied…” nauutal na paliwanag ko.

He stares at me and grinned, “Or maybe you just want to see me naked, you pervert.”

Lumaki ang mata ko at umiling. “No! I apologized if I didn’t knock. Hindi ko alam na nandito ka at hindi ko kasalanan na hindi ka nag-lock ng pinto.”

He’s jaw clenched, and to my surprise, he held my jaw tightly. “So are you saying that’s it’s my fault? That I’m stupid that I didn’t lock my room in my own fucking house?”

Napangiwi ako sa sakit at hinawakan ang kamay niya palayo sa akin. But he’s just too strong.

“No, I’m sorry. Please, Zeus, I don’t want us to fight…” Nakikiusap kong sinabi. I know I look like a coward at this point, but this is better than fighting him. Kasi alam ko sa huli, matatalo lang ako.

His hands on my jaw loosen up, and he stares at my face. Hindi na naman ako makatingin ng diretso sa kaniya dahil naiilang ako sa titig niya.

Pakiramdam ko ay pag sasalubungin ko ang malalim na titig niya ay malulunod ako at susunod sa mga gusto niya.

Galit ako sa ginawa niya kagabi and I’m not joking when I say I need a break from him. Pero wala, when it comes to this guy, bibigay at bibigay ako.

Walang sabi-sabing hinila niya ako papasok sa kwarto na ’yon at lumanghap sa akin ang amoy niya.

“Z-Zeus?” nagtataka kong tanong.

“Not a word.” he said to shut me up. Ni-lock niya ang pinto at iniwan niya akong nakatayo d’on.

Pumasok siya sa walk-in closet niya at ang mata ko naman ay automatic na lumibot sa kwarto niya.

His room is a mix of a white and gold color palette that extends into the luxurious bathroom, foor-to-ceiling windows in the bedroom offer stunning views, while automated curtains provide privacy at the touch of a button.

A sturdy wooden desk sits in one corner, cluttered with books, a laptop, and various gadgets. Across the room, a comfortable recliner is strategically placed near a flat-screen TV and the bed is neatly made with a simple yet cozy comforter, flanked by a small bedside table stacked with magazines.

Lumabas siya ng closet at nakasuot siya ng black fitted sando at gray na track pants.

Iniwas ko ang tingin ko agad sa kaniya. Kung pwede lang maglaway ngayon, ginawa ko na. He’s so handsome.

Dumagdag pa ang magulo at basang buhok niya.

Pinuntahan niya ako sa pwesto ko at hinila papunta sa kama niya. My heart was pounding so loudly because of his actions.

Pinahiga niya ako sa kama at pumatong siya sa akin.

“Z-Zeus?” I called his name once again.

Hinaplos niya ang mukha ko, “I’ve been wanting to do this.”

“W-What do you mean?”

“This.” aniya at binaba ang mukha niya sa akin. He kissed my lips, and it’s so gentle that my tears are forming in my eyes.

Is this real?

O baka pinagti-tripan niya na naman ako.

At sigurado naman akong hindi naman siya lasing dahil hindi ko naaamoy ang alak sa kaniya.

Pinahinto ko siya kaya napatingin siya sa ’kin.

“Pinagti-tripan mo ba ako?” seryosong tanong ko sa kaniya.

“No.” tanging sagot niya at hindi ako naniniwala.

“You’re mad at me, right? Then why are you doing this?” My voice broke as I fought my tears not to fall.

“I am, but you’re too beautiful to resist.”

We stared at each other. Hinaplos ko ang mukha niya at napaluha. I don’t know the reason why I was crying.

Hindi ko alam kung masaya ako dahil sa ganitong mga pagtatagpo namin.

O dahil nalulungkot ako dahil hindi ko kayang magtiwala sa sinasabi niya.

Something’s wrong, I can feel it.

“Stop crying…” his voice is soothing as he tries to calm me down.

I can’t read his eyes. But he’s looking at me so gently.

“If you’re playing with me, please stop.”

Pagpahingahin mo naman ako sa sakit.

Kinuha niya ang kamay ko at idinikit sa dibdib niya, he’s heart is beating so fast, and it’s in sync with mine. Lumaki ang mata ko.

“Do you think I am playing?” tanong niya na hindi ko masagot.

“Do you love me?” tanong niya ulit habang nakatingin ng diretso sa mata ko.

Tumango ako.

“Then say it,”

“I’m in love with you, Zeus.” madamdamin kong sinabi.

Katahimikan ang bumalot sa amin at nagtaka ako ng mapalitan ang ekspresyon niya.

Confused, fear and disgust were on his eyes.

“I knew it.” aniya at bigla ay umalis siya sa harap ko.

Nanlamig ako at tinignan siya. Kinuha niya ang phone niya at parang nagta-type siya.

“I won, motherfuckers!” Tumawa siya at doon pa lang ay alam ko na kung anong ginawa niya.

It was a bet.

“You’re so pathetic, you know that?” ani ni Zeus habang lumalapit sa akin.

He was recording and I’m so stupid for not noticing it.

“You’re so easy to play with.” Tumawa pa siya. “Didn’t know you’re this easy to give in.”

This is the first time I saw him laugh, and I didn’t like it.

Masaya siya dahil pinaglaruan niya ako at nasaktan na naman niya ako.

“You think I am going to like you?”

Bawat salita niya ay parang kutsilyo na sumasaksak sa akin.

“I’d rather fuck an old dying woman than to have feelings with you.”

Nadudurog ako ng paunti-unti.

“You’re so disgusting. And I hate myself every time my lips are touching yours. It feels like I want to die.”

Bakit, Zeus? Gan’on na ba kalaki ang kasalanan ko dahil lang nahulog ako sa ’yo?

“If this is not for a bet? I’ll never even come near to you.”

“Please, stop…” My tears are falling non-stop, and my heart is aching so bad. Sobrang sakit na hindi ako makahinga.

“And you know why I did this? Because I hate you. I fucking loathe you.”

Tinakpan ko ang mukha ko at umiyak ng malakas. Para akong mamamatay sa sakit.

I want to hide.

I want to disappear.

“People like you don’t have a place in this world. You’re a parasyte, a trash, a good for nothing, just like your parents.”

Hindi ko na kinaya at tumayo ako para sampalin siya ng malakas. “You can say anything about me but never my family. You don’t know anything, Zeus. Call me names, I don’t care! But you should know that both of our parents are part of the people you don’t like. I am gay, yes! And I’m fucking proud of it. And I’m happy! How about you? Do you think that being homophobic makes you different? No! You can’t even respect other people! You’re the lowest, and you’re a big shame to your family!” Pinunasan ko ang luha ko at sinalubong ang galit na tingin niya.

“Watch your mouth.” mapagbanta niyang sinabi at umamba sa akin.

“Ano? Sasaktan mo na naman ako? Go ahead! Ang taas ng tingin ko sa ’yo, Zeus. Despite the hell I’ve been through for loving you? I’m still hoping that you have a good side. But now? I just realized that you’re nothing but a low-class jerk. I hope that you are happy and satisfied for hurting me.” Dumaan ang sakit sa mata niya o baka guni-guni ko lang ’yon.

I wiped my tears harshly, “Don’t go near me again or else I’ll sue you.” ani ko at nilagpasan siya.

Iniwan ko siya sa kwarto at dumiretso sa baba at naghanap ng available na banyo. Naghilamos ako ng mukha at inayos ang sarili ko. My heart is still bleeding, but I don’t want my parents to know about this.

Tumingin ako sa salamin at naawa sa aking sarili. I hate myself for being stupid. I hate myself for being blind. I don’t deserve this. I will never forgive Zeus for involving my parents.

I will erase these feelings and move on. I will stay at that school and show Zeus that I can be happy regardless of my gender.

He’s not a Greek god. He’s an asshole and evil.

I knew he was plotting something because of the sudden change in his attitude towards me. But I’m so stupid to lower my guard down just because I’m in love with him and I want to take advantage of those moments.

Pagkakamali ko ay ibigin ang isang tulad niya at hayaan ang sarili kong paulit-ulit na mahulog sa patibong niya.

If this is love, then I don’t want it.

Chapter 16

Heavy

A week has passed since that night, and it’s the last time I saw Zeus. Kahit sa school man ay hindi ko siya nakikita, and that’s good for me and for my heart.

After that party at his house, I locked myself in my room and cried my heart out. Ganito pala kasakit ang unang pag-ibig.

Huling iyak ko iyon dahil tinabunan ko ng galit ang puso ko tuwing naalala ko ang mga pinag-gagawa niya sa akin.

There are times I can’t help but think of him katulad ngayon habang naglalakad ako papuntang classroom. Kung bakit wala siya sa school at bakit hindi ko na siya nakikita.

I mean, he supposed to be at school, right? And aside from that, he is the president of the SSG so he should be the most active student here at school.

I shrugged my thoughts off and sighed. Hindi madali ang mag-move on. Hindi madali alisin ang feelings lalo na kung unang pag-ibig mo ’to.

We can’t help but think of them, how they are doing, or if they are also thinking of us. And sometimes, even after they hurt you so many times, you will still miss them and hope that they feel the same way too.

And I hate it. Sabi ko aalisin ko na ’tong feelings na ’to, but I know that will be hard for me. His lips, his eyes, and his voice always linger in my head. It’s like he bewitched me.

Kahit na hindi, kahit ako naman talaga dapat ang sisihin dahil una palang alam ko ng hindi maganda ang ugali niya ngunit pinagpatuloy ko pa rin ang pag-ibig na ’to.

Maybe, I’m just lonely or maybe, I just read too many romantic books that’s why even after he hurt me, humiliated me, and played with my feelings, I’m still hoping I can change him. My love will reach him and the gentleness in his heart.

As I sit at my desk, I gaze out the classroom window. The view outside is a bright blue sky stretching endlessly, dotted with fluffy white clouds. Occasionally, birds flit past in the midst of it.

Kumalma ang isipan ko sa nakita at kahit papaano ay nawala si Zeus sa utak ko. I looked at the desk beside me—walang tao roon and I think Damien is still with Ali.

And it’s a good thing that I have them. I was able to distract myself and my broken heart because of them. If I were still alone, I might be in my room for the whole week, just crying my heart out. I also might be skipping classes because of these stupid feelings.

Dumating ang Professor kasabay si Damien. Damien had a smile plastered on his face while walking to his desk.

“Morning,” he greeted as he sat beside me. I just nodded, pulled out my notes, and focused my eyes on the whiteboard.

The first half of the class went smoothly, just like the other days. Ganito talaga siguro pag wala si Zeus. It’s peaceful, and it bothers me. I hate it.

Pumunta ako sa pantry for lunch, ako lang mag-isa dahil si Damien ay pinuntahan si Ali sa classroom para sunduin.

The pantry buzzes with the lively chatter of students. Some are gathered around the small tables, sharing snacks and stories, while others lean against the counters, sipping coffee or tea. When I got my food, I went to our usual table. Kumain na ako at hindi na hinintay ang dalawa dahil gutom na ako.

Because of what happened last week, I’ve lost my appetite for eating. Nagi-guilty na rin ako kay Mama dahil pinagluluto niya ako ng mga pagkain na gusto ko ngunit kaunti lang ang nakakain ko.

“Hi,” Tumingin ako sa nagsalita at nakita ko ang pamilyar na babae. My heart skipped a beat when I met her steel blue eyes.

Kakulay niya ng mata ang kuya niya, only she has rounded eyes and Zeus has deep set.

“You’re Greyson, right?” Tumango ako, nanatiling humahanga sa presensya niya.

What is she doing here?

Umupo siya sa harap ko at nilapag ang pagkain na dala niya.

She smiled at me, “We’ve met at the party, do you remember me?”

Tumango ako at hindi parin makapagsalita. Tumawa siya ng dahil doon.

“I was not informed that you’re mute,” biro niya. Naramdaman ko ang pag-init ng mukha kaya uminom ako ng tubig para pakalmahin ang sarili ko.

I cleared my throat, “I’m sorry, I was just shocked that you’re here.” Tumawa siya lalo, and I was in awe watching her laughing. Parang nakikita ko si Tito Caius na tumatawa, only with a long hair.

Ngayon ko lang napansin na si Zeus ay mas kamukha ni Tito Gaze while Sierra is like the girl version of Tito Caius.

Namangha ako. If Zeus is a Greek god, then Sierra is a goddess.

Ramdam ko din ang mata ng ibang estudyante sa table namin, at kagaya ko ay namamangha sa presensya niya.

“Freshman?” tanong niya, at tumango ako. Her eyes twinkled, “That’s great! I’m a freshman too! Anong course mo?”

“Business.”

Bahagyang lumungkot ang mukha niya, “Awww. I’m pursuing art. But I hope we can be classmates in some minor subjects.”

“You’re enrolling here?” tanong ko, medyo nagulat.

“Yup! That’s why I’m here today. I really wanted to go back to the U.S. with my fiance, but I had already promised them that once I turned 18 years old, I would live with them here in the Philippines.”

“You will enjoy it here…” wala sa sarili kong sinabi. Because based on my experiences, I did not.

“I hope so.” Malungkot siyang ngumiti. “My classes will start at the beginning of the second semester, and good thing I saw you here in the pantry. At least kahit papaano ay may kakilala na ako kapag nag-umpisa ang classes ko,” dagdag niya pa.

Ngumiti ako. “I can tour you around once I’m available. It’s my lunch… so my time is limited,” ani ko, at sumulyap sa pagkain.

“I understand, and thank you for your offer. Sana talaga may same minor subject tayo para magkaklase tayo.”

“I hope so too… And I know it’s hard for you also to make an adjustment, especially since you’re from the U.S.”

“Yeah, but if my fiance is here, then that will be a different story…” I can’t help but be sad for her.

I know she’s sad to be far away from her fiance, but I’m amazed that she fulfilled her promise to her parents even if it means being separated from the person she loves.

She’s more mature than her age.

“What’s his name? Your fiance?” tanong ko. Her eyes twinkled at my question.

“His name is Austin.”

“Why won’t you invite him here to enroll too?”

She sighed, “As much as I would love to, he’s a graduating student there, and I don’t want to be a burden to him.”

“Graduating in college? How old is he?”

“He is 22.”

“Oh, wow.” Iyon na lang ang aking sinabi.

“Sorry, did it weird you out?” nag-aalala niyang tanong.

Agad akong umiling, “No! I mean, no… It amazed me actually that at this young age, you are ready to settle down. And… I’m kind of curious about your love story.” Tumawa ako.

Napalitan ng saya ang nag-aalalang mukha niya. “I would love to share it with you!”

Napangiti ako sa tono ng boses niya. Magsasalita sana siya nang biglang tumunog ang phone niya.

She fished out her phone from her Hermes bag and pouted when she saw her screen.

“It’s kuya, he’s here to pick me up,” aniya at ramdam ko ang pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko.

Bumaling ako sa pagkain kong hindi pa nangangalahati at hindi mapigilang makinig kay Sierra.

“Can you go back later, kuya?” aniya nang sagutin ang tawag.

“I’m with a friend… Fine!” Bumalik ang tingin ko sa kaniya nang marahas niyang patayin ang tawag. Her well-defined eyebrows furrowed like she’s pissed at something, pero nang masalubong niya ang mata ko ay ngumiti siya.

“I’m sorry, Greyson, I have to go. As much as I would like to stay here talking to you, my kuya is outside the gate and waiting for me. So… can I have your contact instead?” aniya, at inabot ang phone niya sa ’kin.

I typed my phone number on her notepad and also my Facebook account, and returned it to her.

“Great! We’ll continue this at some later time,” ngiti niya at tumayo. She waved her goodbyes as she walked away.

Sinundan ko ang palayong bulto niya at nang makalabas siya ng pantry, doon ko lang na-realize na may kasama pala siyang bodyguard.

Pinutol ko na ang tingin ko, baka makita ko pa ang hindi ko dapat makita.

I finished my food and went back to my building. Hindi nagpakita ang dalawa hanggang matapos ang klase ko kaya nag-iwan ako ng message sa kanila. Wondering what they are up to.

Hindi naman siguro sila nag-cutting classes, ’di ba?

I sighed as I put back my things inside my locker.

Natapos muli ang araw na hindi ako nasasaktan o napapahamak, na walang namamahiya o sumisigaw sa akin, at hindi ako umuuwi ng bahay nang umiiyak.

I should be happy, but why does my heart feel so heavy?

Chapter 17

Favor

Lumipas ang unang taon ko sa school at simula na ng aking pagiging second year sa college. Noong bakasyon ay wala akong ginawa kundi pilitin na ibaling ang atensyon ko sa iba para lang maalis sa isipan ko si Zeus at ang bigat ng nararamdaman ko.

Nag-umpisa narin ang application sa mga clubs and I’m still thinking where should I go. I’m not very active in clubs, especially sports, but since it’s required, I think I’ll just join the academic club. I’m more interested in learning about my field of study, which is business.

“Today, we’re going to tackle the marketing strategies that will help your business to grow…” my professor begins as my mind starts to wander again.

Isang linggo na nang mag-umpisa ang klase at ganito na lang palagi. I cannot focus on my class because I’m always thinking of him. Hindi ko pa siya nakikita, ni anino niya. I know I should stop thinking about him or his whereabouts, but I can’t help but worry.

How can a third-year college student and the president of the school’s supreme student government be absent for the first week of school?

At sa nakaraang buwan ay nagkakausap kami ni Sierra through social media. She never fails to contact me everyday. And that’s the reason why we became close.

And what’s more, she keeps inviting me to their grand house. Naubos na yata lahat ng dahilan na pwede kong ibigay para lang tanggihan siya. I don’t want to go back to that house again.

There are times when I really want to ask Sierra about her older brother, but that might weird her out. Or maybe I’m just overthinking.

I sighed as I packed my things on the desk. I tapped the guy next to me who had dozed off during class.

“Damien, it’s lunchtime. Let’s go,” I called out gently as I nudged him.

Oo, kaklase ko parin siya.

He growled and slowly lifted his head, blinking groggily and rubbing his eyes to shake off the sleep. He yawned and fixed his hair before walking out ahead of me.

Ali is currently unavailable because she’s busy with her projects. Maybe that’s why Damien seems so lazy these days, because he can’t be with her.

“Greyson!” Sierra shouted my name enthusiastically, drawing the attention of other students.

Bahagya akong nakaramdam ng hiya ngunit nagawa ko paring ngitian si Sierra na palapit sa akin.

She looks so pretty in her school uniform-a neatly pressed white blouse tucked into a pleated navy skirt that fell just above her knees. Her socks were pulled up to her calves, and she wore polished black shoes.

“Let’s eat lunch together!” she invited, linking her arm with mine. I just realized we’re about the same height. Feeling ko nga ay mas matangkad pa siya sa akin.

“Sure,” I smiled. “But I’m with a friend, can he come with us?” sabay turo kay Damien na lukot ang mukha na nakatingin sa amin habang may dalang pagkain.

Not even Sierra’s beauty fazes him.

“Okay! I’ll also be FaceTiming Austin while we eat. Would that be okay with you both?”

I nodded while Damien took his seat at our usual spot. I saw him pull out his phone before I turned to Sierra to order food.

Probably updating Ali, I guess.

Buti pa silang dalawa, they have someone to share their days with and someone who cares about them.

Must be nice to be born straight, huh?

We started eating while Sierra FaceTimed Austin and showed both Damien and me on camera just to let him know she was with us.

Damien isn’t smiling, he seems irritated.

Katapat ko siya at katabi ko si Sierra kaya madala para sakin ang makuha ang pansin niya.

“You okay?” I asked Damien.

“Yeah.”

“You seem a bit off.”

He ruffled his hair and glanced at his phone. “Ali isn’t replying. She didn’t even leave me a message this morning,” he complained.

“Try visiting her after our classes. Maybe she’s too busy to use her phone.” rekomenda ko.

He nodded. “That’s what I’m going to do,” he replied, clenching his jaw.

“Who’s Ali?” Sierra asked curiously kaya napatingin ako sa kaniya

“My friend and Damien’s girlfriend.”

“I’d like to meet her.”

“Soon. She’s currently busy with school work, but I’ll let her know you want to meet her,” I explained, and she smiled broadly.

She returned to eating while talking to Austin, and so did I. Damien was finished and just using his phone.

Damien and Ali just go official last month. Iyon yung time na hindi sila sumipot sa dapat na outing namin at hindi nagpakita sa akin hanggang matapos ang bakasyon. Medyo nagtampo pa ako doon ngunit nag sorry din naman sila.

Regardless of that, I’m happy for them.

“My kuya is busy, Austin. He’s been out of school for days helping Papa with our business. There were some issues with stocks, so Papa asked for my brother’s help.”

Napatigil ako sa pagkain at nabitawan pa ang kutsara kaya dalawa silang napatingin sa akin.

“S-Sorry…” I awkwardly said and took a sip of my drink. Hindi naman nila napansin ang pagkabalisa ko kaya nakahinga ako ng maluwag.

Hindi alam ni Damien na ang tinutukoy na kuya ni Sierra ay si Zeus.

So that answers my question. He’s fine and just helping Tito Gaze. I couldn’t help but feel relieved.

“Greyson…” Sierra’s soft voice caught my attention. I looked at her. She had finished eating and her phone was off. Tapos na yata ang pag-uusap nila ni Austin.

“Can I ask you a favor?” she asked with a sad tone, kaya nag-alala ako.

“Sure… what is it?”

“I’m applying for the art club, but I’m not confident in my paintings and designs, so I made several. I need someone to help me choose the best one.” paliwanag niya kaya ngumiti ako.

“No need to worry about it, Sierra. I’m sure I’ll love your paintings. But of course, I’m happy to help you decide.”

“Really?” Her eyes twinkled as she smiled broadly.

“Yes. Dala mo ba ngayon? So I can check them after school?”

She shook her head. “No. They’re in my room. I’ll invite you over to my house tomorrow since we don’t have classes.”

Nanlaki ang mata ko at nakaramdam ng balisa, mukhang nakita ni Sierra ’yon kaya nag-alala ang mukha niya.

“Why? Don’t you want to come to my house? Are you busy tomorrow?”

I looked at her face and thought about reasons to decline, but I already ran out of them. Besides, I felt guilty refusing her now because I know how important it is for her to join the art club.

And I don’t want to be selfish.

The only reason I don’t want to go to their house is because I don’t want to see Zeus, and his words from that night keep coming back to me.

“Sorry. It’s not my intention to bother you. I just don’t have anyone else to ask. My parents and kuya are busy, and you’re my only friend here, so…” hindi niya natuloy ang sinasabi niya at umiwas ng tingin at parang nahihiya.

I smiled and patted her head. “It’s okay, Sierra. I’m free tomorrow. What time should I come to your house?”

Her face brightened, and she smiled broadly, her whiskey dimples showing as she spoke, “Yay! Thank you, Grey! 10 am will be good. And I’ll cook my specialty tomorrow as a token of gratitude.”

I laughed. “You don’t have to do that, silly…”

“I can cook, I swear! ’Di ka malalason… yata.” she joked, and I burst out laughing.

She looked amused watching me, so I stopped.

“Why?”

She shook her head, smiling a bit. “I just noticed, you have a girly face. I bet you’d be prettier than me if you were actually a girl.”

I suddenly felt my uneasiness and I didn’t know how to respond, and even Damien was looking at us.

He cleared his throat, “We have to go, Grey.”

I nodded and stood up. Sierra did the same.

“See you tomorrow!” she said cheerfully, saying goodbye to both of us. Hindi napansin ang reaksyon ko sa sinabi niya.

We walked back to our building in silence. I felt uncomfortable because of what Sierra said.

I know she didn’t mean anything by it, but I felt like she knows about my sexuality.

“Who’s that?” Damien broke the silence.

“Sierra, Zeus’s sister.” I answered.

He stopped walking, looking surprised at what I said.

“What? That asshole has a sister?” he exclaimed. Gusto kong tumawa dahil sa tawag niya kay Zeus.

“Yes.”

“I hope she’s not like her brother. If she is, I won’t introduce Ali to her.”

“Sierra isn’t like that,” I replied firmly, so he looked at me.

Siguro ay nakuha ng atensyon niya ang seryosong tono ko.

“If I didn’t know your sexuality, I’d think you have a crush on her.”

I gasped and looked back at him in horror. I punched him in the shoulder, offended by what he said.

He laughed at my reaction. “I’m just joking.” I punched him again.

“Not a good joke,” sagot ko at hindi mapigilang umirap.

“You two would look good together, though,” he commented and before I could hurt him again, and he ran into our building.

I silently cursed him in my head.

Me and Sierra?

No way.

Chapter 18

Paintings

Wearing a white sweater and blue slim jeans, I pursed my lips while looking at the mirror. This is the second outfit I’m trying to wear today because the first one, a black shirt, made me look even paler than usual.

The white sweater, on the other hand, brightens my complexion and gives me a fresh, clean look. The blue slim jeans fit perfectly, accentuating my legs and providing a nice contrast to the pristine white of the sweater. I adjusted the sleeves, pushing them up slightly for a more casual feel, and straightened the hem to ensure it lay flat.

I feel comfortable wearing this than the first one. I packed my things and went downstairs.

“Ma, alis na po ako…” paalam ko habang lumalapit sa kaniya. He’s sitting at the porch with a newspaper in his hand while drinking his coffee.

Dad had already left for work at 8 am.

Umangat ang tingin niya sa akin at ngumiti, “Take care on your way and send my regards to your Tito’s… Enjoy you day!”

I smiled and kissed him on the cheek. I remembered how he reacted yesterday when I told him that I’m friends with Sierra. He was even more delighted and excited than I was. He even offered to cook so I could bring food to them, but I declined since Sierra mentioned that she would cook for me.

Bumigat ang panghinga ko nang makita ang pamilyar na daanan papunta sa bahay nila. Mabilis ang tibok ng puso ko dahil sa kaba at kahit air-conditioned ang kotse ay feeling ay pinagpapawisan ako.

“Thank you, kuya Albert. I will just text you na lang po kapag papasundo.” he nodded and when the car is out of my sight, I look up at the huge white-golden gate in front of me, marveling at its intricate design. Its ornate details, with swirls and flourishes, hint at the grandeur and opulence that lies beyond.

Huminga ako ng malalim bago naglakad papasok doon. The guards appeared to be expecting me, as they opened the gate without me needing to ask for permission.

I wandered my eyes and left in awe. This is the second time I’ve been here but their house never fails to amaze me. At mas maganda siya sa umaga!

The path way continues with a white stone patio and a modern infinity pool that sparkles under the sun, bordered by sleek gold lounge chairs and minimalist landscaping. This house is the epitome of modern luxury.

“Greyson!” tili ni Sierra na masayang tumakbo papalapit sa akin. She’s wearing a black maxi dress with a white cute apron on the top of it.

I was taken aback when she hugged me. Lagi akong nagugulat kapag ganito siya sa akin. As a girl who grew up in the U.S., I know she’s liberated. Hindi nga lang ako makapag-adjust kasi ito ang unang beses na naranasan ko ang ganitong intimacy with a girl.

“Good morning…” bati ko sa kaniya. She smiled sweetly as she pulled me inside of their house.

“My parents and my brother left early for work, so we have the house to ourselves!” she giggled excitedly na para bang ang dami niyang pinaghandaan na gagawin para sa araw na ’to.

Nakahinga ako ng maluwag sa sinabi niya. Nginingitian ko ang mga nadadaan naming maids at ngingiti din sila pabalik, ang iba ay bumabati pa.

I would love to stay at this house if it weren’t for Zeus and the bitter memories he left behind.

“I’d rather fuck an old dying woman than to have feelings with you.”

His painful words linger in my mind again, refusing to fade into the background. Each syllable echoes with a sharpness that cuts through me, leaving wounds that refuse to heal. If only I could erase that memory from this place, then maybe I could find peace here once more.

Hinila ako ni Sierra patungo sa living room at pinaupo sa dining area nila.

“Let’s eat first before we go to my room,” paalam niya at dumiretso sa kitchen.

I took that time to wander my eyes inside their house. The living room features plush white furniture with gold throw pillows, plush sofas and armchairs upholstered in luxurious fabrics such as velvet or leather. A centerpiece coffee table, perhaps made of glass or polished metal, complements the modern aesthetic. The flooring is typically hardwood or polished concrete, adding a touch of warmth and grounding the room amidst its cool tones.

And I can see the kitchen from here with the appliances seamlessly integrated into glossy white cabinetry, and a large island with a gold-veined marble countertop serving as the focal point.

It was like a dream house you’d wish to own.

Lumabas si Sierra na may dalang tray, ganoon din ang maids na tinutulungan siya sa paghatid ng pagkain.

Nilapag niya ito sa table and she looks so proud while doing it kaya hindi ko maiwasan matawa ng mahina.

Napansin niya ito kaya nagtanong siya, “What’s funny?” aniya sabay ngumuso.

“Ang dami mong niluto… lahat yan ay specialty mo?” Limang putahe ang niluto niya at banana bread lang yata yung nakilala ko.

“Yup!” she answers in a high tone.

“Mauubos ba natin ’to?”

“Of course! Mapapadami ka ng kanin sa sarap ng luto ko.” mayabang niyang sinabi. At sa kaunting segundo ay parang nakita ko ang kuya niya sa kaniya kaya agad kong iniwas ang tingin.

“This is seafood chowder, ravioli, chicken piccata, quiche and a banana bread that I baked perfectly!” ani Sierra habang tinuturo ang mga tinutukoy niyang pagkain.

Pumalakpak siya, “Now, let’s eat! And let me know what you think of it.”

Tumawa ako at nagsimula nang kumain, kumuha ako ng maliliit na portion n’on para matikman ko lahat.

Susubo na sana ako kaso nababahala ako sa tingin ni Sierra. Hinihintay yata ang reaksyon ko. Gusto kong tumawa ngunit pinigilan ko dahil mukhang seryoso siya sa paghihintay ng sagot ko.

I cleared my throat as I started with ravioli. It’s a pasta filled with cheese, meat and vegetables.

My eyes widened at the taste, “Wow,” I said as I move to the next dish. I’m not going to lie, Sierra is a great cook. Before I knew it, I had finished everything on the table.

“Hindi pala mauubos, ha?” Sierra teased me and I feel my ears heated.

Uminom ako ng tubig. “Masarap.” tanging komento ko na lang para itago ang hiya.

Tumawa siya at pinalinis na ang pinagkainan namin.

Pagkatapos naming magpahinga ng kaunti ay umakyat na kami sa kwarto niya. Bumalik ang kaba ko na kahit alam kong wala naman siya dito ay pakiramdam ko bigla na lang siyang lalabas ng kwarto niya para saktan at laitin na naman ako.

Magkatabi ang kwarto ng kuya niya, mas nauna lang ang kay Sierra bago kay Zeus and when we entered her room, halos mabulag ako sa kulay ng kwarto niya. Everything in her room screams peach! Pati ang mga appliances niya ay covered ng peach color.

“You surely don’t love peach, do you?” I sarcastically said as I bursted laughing.

“How old are you again?” I teased.

Sierra’s face reddened and she hit me on my shoulder, “I’m 18 and so what if I love peach?” naasar na tanong niya.

“I find it cute,” nakangiti kong sinabi at umirap naman siya.

Inside her room, there’s a two doors, one is for bathroom and I think the other one is for her clothes but that’s what I thought.

When she opened the other door, I was shocked at the mess that greeted me. The room was strewn with canvases in various sizes, some propped against the walls, others leaning haphazardly on easels. Splashes of paint adorned every surface—drips of vibrant reds, blues, and yellows pooled on the floor, while brushes lay scattered amidst crumpled paper towels. The air carried a faint, sweet scent of turpentine mixed with the earthy aroma of drying oils. Ibang iba sa kulay at ayos ng kwarto niya kanina.

“That’s my painting room, do you love it?” tanong ni Sierra.

I nodded in astonishment. She giggled at my reaction. “That’s what I’ve been doing while waiting for my classes to start.”

She closed the door and gestured for me to follow her. Binuksan niya ang balcony and that’s where I saw her finished paintings.

Just as she had said, there were several of them, and they were all outstanding! Nilingon ko siya at hindi siya makatingin sa akin.

Ngumiti ako, “Are you shy?” tukso ko. Hindi siya sumagot. “You don’t have to be embarrassed. They’re all amazing. I’m not great at complimenting paintings, but one thing’s for sure—if you sell these, I’ll buy them all.”

Doon ko nakuha ang atensyon niya at hinampas ako sa braso. “Heh!”

Tumawa ako at muling tinignan ang mga paintings niya. There was one that caught my interest, lumapit ako doon at pinakatitigan ’yon.

My heart clenched with emotion as I gently ran my fingers over the intricate details of the painting. The canvas depicted a bustling cityscape, alive with the vibrant energy of urban life. Amidst the backdrop of towering skyscrapers and bustling streets, two boys were portrayed walking hand in hand. Their figures, painted with care and sensitivity, captured the essence of a tender and intimate connection in the heart of the city.

I marveled at how Sierra had skillfully conveyed their bond—the way their hands intertwined, the subtle expressions of contentment on their faces, and the way they seemed completely at ease with each other amidst the urban chaos. The painting exuded a sense of acceptance and love, challenging societal norms with its simple yet powerful depiction of urban love.

This is all I want.

I can feel the tightness in my throat, followed by a prickling sensation behind the eyes as I struggle to hold back the tears.

“Grey? Are you okay?” tanong ni Sierra at tumabi sa akin.

Huminga ako ng malalim at kumurap-kurap. “Yup. Your painting is so good that I almost cry because of its beauty.” bahagya akong tumawa para maibsan ang lungkot na nararamdaman ngunit nakatakas ang panginginig ng boses ko.

Kumunot ang noo niya at tinignan ang painting na pinagmamasdan ko. Kinabahan ako nang mag-iba ang ekspresyon ng mukha niya, na para bang may natuklasan siya na isang malaking sekreto.

She looked at me with hesitation, “A-Are you gay?”

And with that simple question, I feel like my heart stopped.

Chapter 19

Stop

Sierra’s and I were both silent as we sat on her colored peach couch. Pagkatapos kong sagutin ang tanong niya ay hindi na siya nagsalita at hinila na lang ako paupo.

“I had a feeling…” she started. I didn’t look at her and waited for her to continue.

“… that something was different about you the first time I met you. I even thought that you were a girl wearing boy’s clothes because of how feminine your actions were, unlike any other guy I’ve met. But my parents clarified to me that you are a guy… and aside from that, I don’t just judge someone based on their actions.” she said as she played with her fingers.

“I’m sorry if I didn’t tell you…” that almost came as a whisper. “I was afraid that once you knew about it, you’d avoid me. Even though we’ve only been together for a short time, I treasure our friendship. I’m afraid that because of my sexuality, you might feel uncomfortable around me, and I might lose you…”

I had never been so afraid of sharing my sexuality until I met Zeus. The experience with him changed everything for me. All the words he said to me left a deep scar in my heart, causing a trauma that made me terrified to show the real me. His harsh judgments and cruel remarks made me feel small and unworthy, and since then, I’ve become too conscious of my actions. The pain and rejection I felt from his words haunt me, making it difficult to trust or believe that anyone could accept me as I am.

“Hey…” Sierra’s worried voice broke my thoughts. I hadn’t noticed that I was already crying. These past few days, my heart has been so heavy, and I don’t have anyone to share what’s happening to me.

Ayokong malaman ’to ng magulang ko dahil maaaring magkahidwaan ang pagkakaibigan nila ni Tito. At lalong ayoko namang sabihin ito kina Ali at Damien dahil baka magalit sila sa ’kin na hindi ko sinabi na una pa lang ay magkakilala na kami ni Zeus at ang pamilya namin.

It’s not that I don’t trust them, but I am afraid of what will happen in the future just because of my selfish feelings for Zeus.

Sierra handed me a handkerchief, and I took it to wipe my tears. I tried to calm myself down.

“S-Sorry about that…” garalgal ang boses ko nang sinabi ko iyon.

“Grey… I don’t know why you are so scared to share who you really are with me, but I just want you to know that I fully support you, no matter what. I want you to feel comfortable talking to me about anything that’s on your mind or in your heart and nothing you say will change how much I care about you. So please, don’t feel like you have to hide or be someone else around me. I’m here for you…” her soothing voice while saying that made me cry even more.

I let myself to cry for a while while she hugged from the side. Nang maramdaman kong okay na ay humiwalay ako sa kaniya.

“T-Thank you, Sierra.”

She smiled at me sweetly, her eyes reflecting gratitude and warmth. “You’re welcome, and thank you for opening up to me.”

Ngumiti ako pabalik at pinagmasdan siyang tumayo para buksan ang kaniyang T.V.

“Let’s watch a movie!” She giggled excitedly, browsing through the options on the screen.

“What genre do you prefer?” she asked, turning to look at me.

“Anything will do,” I replied softly.

“Okay! Let’s go with mystery then,” she decided, grabbing her phone to make a quick call.

“Hi! Could you please bring drinks for two to the bedroom, and also the food I prepared earlier from the refrigerator… yes, thank you!”

Ilang minuto ang nakalipas at may kumatok na sa kwarto niya, dala ang kaniyang binilin. I smiled at the maid and she nodded at me.

“Thank you, nanay Rebecca…” Sierra sweetly said and closed the door after the maid left.

She set the food on the table, then turned off the lights and closed the balcony to ensure no outside light interfered.

Turning on a small lamp on her desk, we were bathed in a soft, intimate glow that allowed us to still see each other clearly.

She started the movie and dashed over to sit beside me, bringing a peach-colored blanket with her.

I gave her space as she arranged the blanket around us.

“I’ve always wanted to do this…” she giggled like a child and pouted, “But you are always rejecting me everytime I’m inviting you here. Why is that?”

I smiled wearily. “I told you, I’m busy…”

She rolled her eyes, “Araw-araw kang busy gan’on?” Mahina akong natawa sa sinabi niya. “Feeling ko tuloy minsan ay iniiwasan mo lang pumunta diro sa bahay.” she added that made me paused.

“Anyway, let’s watch!” aniya at hindi napansin ang bahagyang pagtigil ko sa sinabi niya.

I lost track of time as we watched the movie, and before I knew it, we had both fallen asleep on her couch.

I woke up feeling a dull ache in my arm. Glancing at her sleeping deeply with her head on my shoulder, I gently adjusted her position without waking her. She must have been tired from cooking earlier.

Making sure she was covered with the blanket, I left her on the couch and went in search of water. Ngunit mukhang naubos namin kanina kaya napagdesisyunan kong bumaba. Inuuhaw ako at naiihi narin ako at ayoko namang gamitin ang banyo niya dito kaya mas magandang sa baba na lang.

I moved slowly, ensuring each step was silent, even when opening the door.

One last look at her sleeping state, I close the door and let out a sigh.

“What are you doing in Sierra’s room?” Zeus thunderous voice filled the space around us.

My breath hitched as I turned slowly, my heart pounding in my chest like a drum. There, standing in the doorway, was him, his face contorted with anger and disgust. The air seemed to thicken, making it hard to breathe.

Idagdag pa ang ayos niya ngayon. He looked like a businessman, his shirt unbuttoned at the collar and his tie loose around his neck. His steel blue eyes were bloodshot, either from lack of sleep or stress, adding to the intensity of his glare.

His hair was messy, strands falling haphazardly across his forehead as if he’d run his hands through it multiple times in frustration. He exuded a commanding presence that made my knees weak, both from fear and a strange sense of awe. How could I be scared and, at the same time, want to worship him?

Nanliit ang mata niya nang hindi ako sumagot. Unti-unti siyang lumapit sa akin at napasandal ako sa nakasaradong pintuan.

“Answer me, what the fuck are you doing inside her room?” His voice was a low growl, filled with barely restrained anger.

Napapikit ako nang maramdaman ko ang hininga niya sa mukha ko. Naamoy ko ang alak at sigarilyo sa kaniya, a pungent mix that made my stomach churn.

I could feel the heat of his breath on my skin, the closeness of his face making it impossible to avoid his intense, penetrating gaze. His messy hair framed his face, adding to his intimidating presence. He was so close now that I could see the fine lines of exhaustion etched around his eyes, and the bloodshot veins that spoke of sleepless nights and stress.

My mouth went dry as I struggled to find my voice, my heart hammering so loudly in my chest I was sure he could hear it. I glanced around, desperate for an escape, but there was none. I was trapped in this moment, with his towering figure blocking any path to freedom.

“Zeus,” I stammered, my voice barely a whisper. “I—”

Before I could finish, his eyes narrowed, and he leaned in even closer, if that were possible. The smell of alcohol on his breath was overpowering, mingling with the acrid scent of cigarette smoke that clung to his clothes. It made my head swim, a dizzying mix that added to my sense of disorientation.

“Don’t you dare call my name,” he snapped, his voice a harsh whisper that seemed to vibrate through the air. “Answer me.”

I swallowed hard, trying to steady my racing thoughts. “S-Sierra’s and I are friends and she invited me to come over to check her p-paintings.”

“You expect me to believe that?” he asked, his voice still hard but slightly less venomous. “Why would I even believe on a disgusting gay like you?”

My eyes watered as I felt my heart clenching even more. Sobrang sakit na hindi na ako makahinga. His words cut deeper than any physical blow could, leaving me breathless and reeling. Gusto kong magalit, gusto ko siyang sigawan at sumbatan pero pagod na ako dahil alam ko kahit anong paliwanag ko, sarado ang utak niya sa mga taong tulad ko.

I felt a lump form in my throat, and I fought to keep my composure, swallowing hard against the rising tide of emotions. The shame and frustration mixed with a profound sadness, knowing that no matter what I said or did, it would never be enough for someone like him.

My tears escaped as I avoided his burning gaze, feeling the hot trails down my cheeks. “If you don’t believe, then stop asking,” matigas kong sinabi, trying to infuse my voice with strength despite the vulnerability I felt.

“How dare you speak to me like that?” he finally growled, his voice low and menacing. I could feel the heat of his anger radiating off him, but I refused to back down, even as my heart pounded in my chest.

Hindi ko parin siya tinitignan. Pumikit ako at sinubukan siyang itulak. “Let go.”

“Fuck.” he cursed under his breath, his words barely audible as his hand harshly cupped my cheeks. Nagkasalubong ang aming labi at ramdam ko ang rahas ng bawat galaw ng labi niya sa labi ko. My eyes widened in surprise, overwhelmed by conflicting emotions. More tears prickled down my face, a mixture of confusion, hurt, and an unfamiliar warmth that his touch left behind.

I pushed him with all of my strength, my palms pressing firmly against his chest. “Stop!” My voice trembled with urgency, pleading for him to heed my words. His grip on my cheeks loosened slightly, his eyes reflecting a mix of tiredness and confusion.

Pumikit siya ng mariin at nagpalabas ng mura. Napahinto ako sa kanyang sumunod na galaw, hindi ko maipaliwanag ang aking nadarama habang unti-unti niyang isinasandal ang kanyang ulo sa aking balikat, at inilalagay ang kanyang kamay sa aking baywang para sa suporta.

Para bang hinang-hina siya.

“Stop messing with my head…” he pleaded, his voice thick with emotion, almost desperate.

Chapter 20

Napapaso

“Oh my god, Grey! I passed the application!” tili ni Serene at bahagyang tumatalon-talon sa harap ko. We were sitting at the school field, enjoying our lunch under the warm sun.

“I told you, you could make it,” I replied with a smile, feeling genuinely happy for her. With her amazing works that I saw last time? It’s already obvious.

Serene’s eyes sparkled with happiness as she plopped down next to me. “I was so nervous about it, but now that I’ve gotten in, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.”

“That’s good to hear,” ani ko habang kumakagat sa aking baon na sandwich. “Your works are great. They’d be crazy not to accept you.” komento ko.

She laughed, a sound that was both relieved and elated. “Thanks, Grey. Buti na lang nandyan ka. How about you? How’s your application for academic club?”

“I passed also. Kaunti lang kaming naroon. I guess, academic club is only for boring people,” I joked, trying to lighten the mood. Hinampas naman niya ako sa braso, rolling her eyes at my comment.

“What do you mean boring? You mean for geniuses!” she exclaimed. “Like, we have regular classes for lessons, and club activities should be our leisure time. Yet, you chose that academic club out of many others. Just to learn more about your course? You got to be kidding me.”

I laughed at her reaction. “Well,” I shrugged, “I just thought it would be a good way to deepen my understanding about business.”

Ngumisi siya, “Or maybe you’re just a nerd at heart.”

“Hey, nothing wrong with that!” I laughed, rubbing my arm where she playfully hit me. “Besides, it’s not like I’m going to spend all my time there. It’s just an opportunity to expand my knowledge to help my Dad’s company to grow.”

“Sabagay,” aniya at pinagpatuloy kumain.

I shifted my gaze to the wide green grass in front of me. The school field was expansive, a large rectangle of lush green bordered by tall, leafy trees that offered some respite from the sun. There were some students still practicing despite the heat in the middle of the field, their shouts and laughter mingling with the distant hum of traffic. The air was thick with the smell of freshly cut grass, and the sky above was a clear, brilliant blue, with only a few wisps of clouds drifting lazily by.

Ilang araw na ang lumipas mula noong huli kong nakita si Zeus. Alam kong bumalik na siya ng school ngayong linggo, at buti na lang ay hindi pa kami nagkakasalubong.

Sinikap kong manatili sa classroom hangga’t maaari para hindi maglandas ang aming mga daan. Sa tuwing lunch time naman, dito na ako kumakain sa field imbes na sa pantry. Ginagawa ko ito para masiguradong hindi ko siya makikita, at para na rin sa kapayapaan ng isip ko.

Ngunit minsan ay ’di ko parin maiwasan ang isipin siya, lalo na nung gabing ’yon.

I can still feel his breath against my skin. His touch, though gentle, felt like a betrayal of my trust, leaving me torn between pushing him away and seeking comfort in his closeness that night.

“Stop messing with my head…”

What does he even mean by that? Does he think he can play with my emotions again by giving me mixed signals? After all the pain he caused, does he really believe I would fall for it? I’ve learned my lesson.

I remembered that night vividly. Despite my weak legs from the overwhelming sensation of his kiss and touch, I found the strength to push him away. It was a moment of clarity, a realization that I needed to protect myself from further heartache. I stood my ground, even though every part of me was trembling.

“Fuck you. Don’t you ever kiss me again.” mariin kong sinabi at iniwan na siya doon. Dumiretso akong umuwi noong gabing ’yon at nagpaalam na lang kay Sierra sa pamamagitan ng mensahe na kinailangan kong umuwi agad kaya hindi ko na siya ginising.

“Let’s go, Grey?” I snapped out of my thoughts and looked at Sierra. Nagpapagpag siya ng skirt at maayos narin ang mga pinagkainan niya. I check my watch, lunch time is over.

Tumango ako sa kaniya at tumayo na din. Nagpagpag ako sandali at kinuha ang mga basura namin para itapon.

Pagkatapos ay naghiwalay na kami dahil kailangan niyang pumunta sa club nila para sa meeting.

I walked across the field despite the intense heat, knowing it would get me to our building faster than taking the longer route. My footsteps were hurried, motivated by the need to escape the sweltering sun as quickly as possible.

Habang naglalakad ako, napansin ko ang isang grupo ng mga estudyante na nagtitipon sa harap, nakatuon ang kanilang pansin sa isang bagay sa kalayuan.

Binilisan ko ang paglalakad ko at nang makalapit sa kanila ay agad na bumaling ang mata ko sa tinititigan nila. My eyes widened at the scene unfolding before me, Zeus was gripping another student’s collar tightly. Even from where I stood, I could feel the raw intensity of his anger.

The student looked terrified, tears streaming down his face as he mumbled something incoherent. At base sa mga reaksyon at bulungan ng mga estudyanteng nanunuod, wala man lang balak tumulong dito.

“You dare to touch me, you fucking queer?” Zeus angrily said as he shook the poor student by the collar.

My anger surged, and without hesitation, I marched straight into the scene. The sudden movement caught the attention of the other students nearby.

Zeus’s dark eyes met mine, but I stood my ground, refusing to back down. I continued walking until I was close enough to them.

I grabbed Zeus’s hand and gave him a stern look. “Let him go,” I said firmly, trying to intimidate him despite feeling my legs trembling with fear.

Bahagyang nanlaki ang mata niya sa aking paghawak at para siyang napapasong lumayo sa akin. Dahil d’on ay nabitawan niya ang estudyante at bumagsak sa damuhan.

Agad ko iyong dinaluhan, “Are you okay?”

“Y-Yes… thank you…” aniya at tumayo para pagpagan ang sarili.

Naalis lang ang tingin ko sa kaniya nang marinig ko ang papalayong tapak ni Zeus.

All I could see then was his broad back and his figure disappearing into the distance away from me.

Sa kabila nang pagtataka ay muli akong bumaling sa katabi ko. “Are you hurt? Do you need to go to clinic?”

Umiling siya, “I’m okay. Thank you for saving me.”

Ngumiti ako sa kaniya at napaawang ang labi niya habang tinititigan ang mukha ko.

Bahagya akong nailang at lumayo sa kaniya, “If you’re okay, that’s good to know then. And just a friendly advice, hangga’t maaari umiwas ka sa lalaking ’yon, okay? He’s bad news.”

Hindi ko na hinintay ang sagot niya at nagpaalam nang mauuna na. Kahit na alam kong male-late na sa susunod kong subject ay lutang ang isip ko dahil sa nangyari kanina.

I was expecting something else.

I thought he would hurt me too, or say hurtful things. But the opposite happened. I should be relieved, yet I couldn’t shake off my thoughts.

That wasn’t like Zeus. Zeus wouldn’t let me intervene like that.

Iyon ang laman ng isip ko hanggang matapos ang klase at makauwi ako ng bahay.

“Your birthday is coming up soon, Grey. Your Dad and I are planning to throw you a party, is that okay with you?”

Natigil ako sa pagsubo at napatingin kay Mama. “I’m not really a fan of parties, Ma,” I gently refused. Narito kami ngayon sa dining room at kumakain ng hapunan.

“Well, I thought it might be nice for you to invite your friends or classmates for your birthday…” he chuckled, a hint of shyness in his voice. “Just for a change, Grey. It’s always just been you, Daddy, and me celebrating your birthday, and you know… I thought you might enjoy something different…”

My heart warmed at what he said, and I smiled. “Thank you, Mama. I’m okay being with you and Dad but you’re right, it must be nice to try something else for my birthday. “ segunda ko. Para din sa ikakatuwa ng magulang ko.

“Okay! A party then! I’ll definitely let your Dad know about this.” excited na sabi niya. Hindi nabura ang malawak niyang ngiti hanggang matapos kaming kumain at ganoon din ako.

Sobrang swerte ko maging parte ng pamilyang ’to. Kahit na hindi nila ako tunay na anak ay hindi ako nakaramdam ng pagkukulang. Hindi nila pinaramdam na iba ako, bagkus ay minahal nila ako ng higit pa sa kaya kong ibigay sa sarili ko.

They embraced me with open arms from the very beginning, showering me with unconditional love and support. Their acceptance and understanding have been a constant source of strength and comfort in my life.

Their love has taught me that family isn’t just about genetics but about the profound connections we forge with those who truly care for us. I am grateful every day for their unwavering love and the sense of belonging they have given me.

At kahit na durog-durugin man ni Zeus ang aking pagkatao at saktan ng paulit-ulit, sa huli ay alam kong may uuwian ako at tatanggapin ako ng buong-buo.

Chapter 21

Hate

“So… what do you think is the difference between the communication in business and art?” Sierra asked while biting the cap of her pen.

My eyes furrowed as I thought of ideas to answer her question. We were currently at the living hall at her house for the second time because Sierra had initiated that we finish our report for communication. It was the only minor subject we shared, and luckily, we were picked to be partners for this report.

Well, nakiusap talaga si Sierra sa professor namin para lang maging partner kami sa report na ’to. And knowing that her father is  the owner of the school, her request granted.

Noong unang linggo ng klase ay maraming nagtangkang makipagkaibigan kay Sierra ganoon din ang kabi-kabilang sumubok na manligaw sa kaniya kahit na ilang beses niya nang sinabi na engaged na siya. At paniguradong isa sa mga dahilan noon ay hindi siya pinapaniwalaan dahil masyado pa siyang bata para doon.

Sierra was sad at that time, and I comforted her until she felt better. She eventually realized that it was for the best.

“Well,” I began, trying to gather my thoughts, “the primary difference between communication in business and art lies in their purpose and style. Business communication aims to inform, persuade, and achieve specific goals. It’s usually clear, direct, and formal. In contrast, art communication focuses on expressing ideas, emotions, and concepts. It’s often abstract, open to interpretation, and relies heavily on creativity and aesthetics.”

Sierra nodded thoughtfully, twirling the pen in her fingers. “So, business communication is more about efficiency and clarity, while art communication is more about expression and impact?”

“Exactly,” I replied. “In business, the goal is often to ensure that everyone understands the same message in the same way. But in art, the goal is to evoke different thoughts and feelings from different people. It’s about creating an experience rather than just conveying information.”

Ngumiti si Sierra habang sinusulat ang aking mga sinasabi sa notes niya. “That makes a lot of sense. Ang galing mong mag-explain. Better than my teachers back on states.”

“No problem,” I said and let out a small laugh at what she said. “Let’s make sure to include these points in our report. It’s important to highlight the distinct roles that communication plays in different fields.”

As we continued discussing and writing, the clock kept ticking, and eventually, we felt hungry. Tumayo si Sierra para kunin ang pagkain na niluto niya at ako naman ay tinignan ang oras sa phone ko. It’s already 7 p.m., buti na lang ay nakapagpaalam na ako sa magulang ko na male-late ako ng uwi to finish my reports.

Sierra returned with a tray of food, her face lighting up with a smile. “I hope you like lasagna. It’s my Lola’s recipe, but I made it myself.”

“Ang bango naman,” I commented as my stomach growling in anticipation.

“Thanks for staying late to work on this,” Sierra said between bites. “I know it’s a lot, but I really want to do well on this report.”

“I don’t mind at all,” I replied. “At least pagkatapos nito ay review na lang tayo tapos pahinga.”

Ngumiti si Sierra at napansin ko ang pagkunot ng noo niya habang tumitingin sa likuran ko.

“Kuya? Are you drunk again?” she said in a concern tone as she stood up to walked towards the person on my back.

Napatigil ako sa pagkain at uminom ng tubig. I remained at my position, hindi ako nagtangkang lumingon kahit alam ko kung sino ang dumating.

Alam kong hindi niya ako nakikita dahil natatakpan ako ng malaking sofa nila.

I bit my lip as I tried to calm myself down. Kahit simpleng presensya niya ay bumibilis na agad ang tibok ng puso ko.

“I’m okay. I need water,” he replied hoarsely, his voice sending a chill down my spine. I took another gulp of water, trying to distract myself with the food.

I want to go home. Ayoko siyang makita.

“You seem not okay, kuya! Lagi kang umuuwing nakainom! Paano kung mapahamak ka? You are driving!” Sierra said, her voice tinged with frustration and concern.

Zeus didn’t answer, and the only sound I heard was the heavy footsteps approaching me.

I closed my eyes, the scent of Zeus’s perfume and a scent of alcohol wafting through the air as he walked past me and went straight to the refrigerator to grab a bottle of water.

“Answer me, kuya! Or else I will tell this to Papa!” Sierra shouted, her voice rising with a mix of fear and anger. My eyes widened, I had never heard her use that tone before.

“Then go, Sierra. Just let me drink my fucking water,” he responded coldly, not even sparing her a glance. As he took a sip, his eyes met mine.

His eyes widened in surprise, which quickly turned into a glare filled with anger. He gritted his teeth as he shifted his gaze back to Sierra.

“Get my medication upstairs,” he commanded suddenly, his tone sharp.

“W-Wait, what?”

“I said bring me my medication, Sierra!” His loud voice made me twitch in my seat.

“Fine!” Sierra seemed to have no choice but to obey. Before leaving, she came over to me.

“Wait for me here, okay? I’m so sorry about this…” She didn’t wait for my response and hurried upstairs.

My heart pounded in my chest, and a sudden urge to follow Sierra upstairs surged within me.

Zeus’s footsteps grew heavier as he approached me, grabbing my arm roughly. He pulled me up and dragged me with a harsh grip.

“Ano ba, Zeus!” I called out, struggling to free my arm from his tight hold.

Hindi ko alam kung saan niya ako dadalhin ngunit nang buksan niya ang pinto ay napagtanto kong dinala niya ako sa storage room.

He immediately locked the door and cornered me against the wall. His eyes were blazing with anger as he stared me down.

“Why are you here again? And why are you with my sister?!” His thunderous voice echoed through the room, making me flinch. I could feel the heat of his rage radiating off him, his body tense and his fists clenched at his sides.

I tried to find my voice, but it was hard to speak with him so close, his intense gaze pinning me in place. “We’re finishing a report and-”

“And what?!” he interrupted, his voice rising even higher. “Do you have any idea what you’re doing, hanging around her? She has a fiance for goddamn sake!”

Nanlaki ang mata ko sa gusto niyang iparating. Does he really think I am flirting with his sister despite him knowing that I have feelings for him?!

“Are you trying to say that I’m flirting with Sierra?” I asked, my anger beginning to surge.

His breath was hot against my face, “Bakit? Hindi ba totoo?” He mocked, his eyes narrowing. “Just because I cannot accept your disgusting feelings, doesn’t mean you have the rights to flirt with my sister!”

I gasped as tears started to form on my eyes. Bakit ba sobrang kitid ng utak ng lalaking ’to?

“I hate you so much,” I said firmly, using all my strength to push him away. He barely budged, and tears of frustration started to flow freely down my face.

Bakit lagi niya na lang ako ginaganito? Why can’t he just leave me alone?

“Hindi ko alam kung bakit nahulog ako sa isang tulad mo! You’re an evil! I hate you!” With each word, I pounded my fists against his chest.

“At kung ganoon man, ano bang pake mo?” I added, my voice breaking. “Kung tutuusin ay dapat maging masaya ka para sa akin! I am deleting these disgusting feelings that I have for you!”

He stood there, unmoved, his face a mask of cold fury. The words hung in the air between us, heavy with the weight of unspoken emotions. My chest heaved with the effort of my outburst, and I could see a flicker of something-pain, perhaps?-in his eyes, but it was quickly replaced by his usual disdain.

“You’re right,” he said with a pain in his voice. “Dapat wala akong pake. Dapat masaya ako.” He closed his eyes tightly, as if struggling to contain his emotions.

Napaigtad ako nang suntukin niya ng malakas ang pader sa tabi ko. “Months have passed and I thought that not seeing you will help me to forget this. But I just can’t. I don’t know what you did to me but I can’t get you off of my mind.” he whispered.

Nang buksan niya muli ang mata ay namumula ito. I gasped when his hand slowly caressed my face.

“Stop playing with my feelings, Zeus,” I begged, turning my face away from his touch.

Ngumiti siya ng malungkot, “I wish I am…” he murmured, and the next thing I felt was the softness of his lips against mine.

Chapter 22

Kiss

I tasted the alcohol on my mouth when he kissed me. My hands tugged at his shirt as I felt his tongue roaming around inside my mouth. The taste was sharp and unpleasant, a reminder of the drinks he had consumed earlier.

Sinubukan kong pumiglas, ngunit pag ginagawa ko iyon ay lalong rumarahas ang halik niya at nalalasahan ko na ang bakal sa bibig ko, ang kamay niya ay nanatiling nakahawak sa mukha ko. Panic surged through me, and my heart pounded in my chest, a mix of fear and adrenaline coursing through my veins. His grip on me tightened, his fingers digging painfully into my skin, making it impossible to escape.

The room felt like it was closing in, the walls pressing against me as I struggled against his unwanted advances. My mind raced, searching for a way out, but all I could think of was the overwhelming sense of violation. His breath was hot and suffocating, each kiss more forceful than the last, leaving me feeling powerless and trapped.

I tried to push him away, my hands pressing against his chest, but he was too strong. His kisses were relentless, bruising my lips and making me feel dizzy with helplessness. Every attempt to resist seemed to fuel his aggression, and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes, blurring my vision.

“Z-Zeus, you’re drunk,” I whispered, my voice trembling with fear. But my words were lost in the intensity of his assault, swallowed by the darkness that seemed to envelop us both. The taste of blood and alcohol mixed together, a sickening reminder that I’m letting him to this again.

Bumaba ang isa niyang kamay sa aking bewang at mas hinapit ako papalapit sa kaniya. I can feel his hard manhood on my stomach.

Lumaki ang mata ko. “Z-Zeus…” I called his name but he just continued kissing me. Parang sabik na sabik at nawawala sa sarili.

Nakapikit siya at ramdam ko ang panginginig ng kamay niya habang hawak ako.

He gripped my hair firmly, his fingers intertwining with the strands as he pulled back, exposing my neck to his eager lips. The sensation was intense, his kisses trailing down from my jawline to the sensitive skin at the base of my neck. Each touch sent a mix of pleasure and vulnerability as his closeness enveloped me.

The moment felt both exhilarating and unsettling, a rush of conflicting emotions that left me unsure of how to respond.

Nanghihina ako ngunit pinipilit kong lumaban. Ang kamay ko ay sumasakit na sa pagtutulak at paghampas na ginagawa ngunit hindi ko man lang siya magalaw.

I can feel my heart beating faster as my body starts to react to his kisses.

Mas lalo akong natakot. His touch sent shivers down my spine, and every kiss left a burning sensation on my skin. The room seemed to close in on us, the air thick with tension.

“Please, stop…” I whispered, barely audible, but it felt like my words were swallowed by the intensity of the moment. He didn’t stop, his breath was hot and heavy against my skin.

My mind was racing, trying to find a way to push him away. I could feel the strength in his grip, the urgency in his movements. It was overwhelming, and heat within me started to creep in.

“Zeus, tama na,” I tried again, this time louder, hoping to reach him through the haze of desire. His kisses slowed, and for a moment, I thought he might stop.

But then his hands tightened on my waist, pulling me even closer. His lips moved back up to mine, claiming them with a fierce possessiveness that left me breathless.

My body was betraying me, responding to his touch despite the fear that was inside me. But I remained stable. I needed to make him understand, to make him feel that I don’t want this.

With all the strength I could muster, I pushed against his chest, finally breaking free from his hold. I stumbled back, breathing heavily, my heart pounding in my ears.

“Bakit mo ba ’to ginagawa sa akin?” I said, my voice shaking. “You hate me, right? Then why are you doing this?” puno ng hinanakit kong sinabi.

“If I am disgusting then why are you kissing me?” I added as my tears stream down my face.

His eyes widened in surprise, and for a moment, he just stood there, staring at me.

Then, slowly, he stepped back, his expression softening as he realized what had happened, looking very confused.

“Fuck!” he cursed loudly and stormed out of the room.

Napaupo ako habang hinahabol ang hininga ko. Gusto kong magalit sa sarili dahil muntikan na naman akong bumigay, kung hindi ko lang naitulak siya nang tuluyan kanina ay paniguradong hinayaan ko na siyang gawin ang gusto niya.

Hindi ko alam kung ilang minuto ang nakalipas nang maging ayos ang paghinga ko at kumalma ang isip.

Biglang kong naisip si Sierra. Panigurado ay hinahanap na niya ako.

Pumunta muna ako ng banyo para ayusin ang sarili. Nakita pa ako ng isa sa mga maid nila at parang nakakita sila ng multo nang makita ang itsura ko.

At ganoon din ang naging reaksyon ko nang makita ang sarili sa salamin. My hair is disheveled, a tangled mess that speaks of his cruelty earlier . My lips are a deep, vivid red and swollen as if they sucked by a bee. Namamaga ang mata ko sa pag-iyak. Matatanggap ko pa sana ’yan, ngunit nang bumaba ang tingin ko sa leeg ay napapikit ako ng mariin.

May mga bakas ng kanyang kamay sa aking leeg, tila nag-iwan ng marka ang higpit ng hawak niya kanina. Ganoon din ang pamumula nito dahil sa marka na iniwan niya. Kailangan kong mag-isip ng paraan para maitago ang mga ito.

Nagmamadali kong kinuha ang malamig na tubig mula sa gripo at hinilamusan ang mukha ko, umaasang mabawasan ang pamamaga ng aking mga mata.

Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko sa leeg ko kaya dali-dali akong bumalik kung saan kami nag-aaral ni Sierra kanina para kunin ang hoodie ko at isinuot iyon. Sakto naman ang pagdating ni Sierra kung nasaan ako at agad akong nilapitan.

“Where the hell have you been?” she asked, worried. “I’ve been calling you non-stop! I asked my kuya your whereabouts but he just ignored me. That jerk,” she added angrily, gripping her phone tightly.

I patted her head to ease her anger. “I’m okay. Nasa banyo lang ako.”

Kumunot ang noo niya sa aking sagot. “Two hours in the bathroom? You got to be kidding me.”

Tumawa ako. “Masakit kasi ang tiyan ko.”

Ngumuso siya at tinitigan ako. “I know you’re lying, but I will not force you to share it,” aniya at bumuntong-hininga. “I was worried because I thought my kuya did something to you. Nakita daw kayo ni Nanay Rebecca.”

Nanlamig ako at bumagsak ang kamay kong pinaglalaruan ang tali ng hoodie ko.

“I’m sorry pala kanina, nakita mo pa ang pag-aaway naming dalawa. I was just worried about him, natatakot akong baka mangyari ulit ang nangyari sa kaniya dati kaya hindi ko mapigilan magalit.” she said, catching my attention.

Something happened to Zeus before?

“He’s—” her words were cut off when my phone rang. Gusto ko man ignorahin ’yon at sabihing ituloy niya ang kwento ay nakita ko ang pangalan ng tumatawag sa akin.

Mama’s name popped up on my screen kaya agad kong sinagot iyon.

“Where are you?” agad niyang tanong at bakas ang pag-aalala sa tinig niya.

Sumulyap ako kay Sierra. “I’m still here, Ma. Pauwi na rin po ako,” I answered gently.

“Hi, tita!” bati ni Sierra na batid kong narinig ni Mama dahil bumuntong-hininga siya. It was a sigh of relief.

“Ingat ka. Naghihintay kami ni Daddy mo…”

“Okay, Ma. I love you both…” malambing kong sagot ko at pinatay na ang tawag.

Bumaling ako kay Sierra. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” paalam ko.

She nodded and hugged me. “Nandyan na driver mo sa labas,” sabi niya habang naglalakad kami palabas.

As we walked towards the front door, the tension in my chest began to ease. I was grateful for Sierra’s understanding, even though I couldn’t bring myself to tell her the truth. Her support was enough for now, and I promised myself that I would open up to her when I was ready.

We reached the driveway and saw the familiar car waiting. Kuya Robert nodded at us as he opened the door for me. I turned to Sierra, giving her one last hug. “Thank you for today,” I whispered.

She smiled softly. “Anytime. Kahit dito ka na tumira.” biro niya kaya natawa ako.

As I settled into the car and watched Sierra wave goodbye, I couldn’t help but feel a mix of relief and dread. There were still so many unanswered questions and unresolved issues, lalo na sa sinabi ni Sierra kanina.

Iyon ba ang dahilan kung bakit galit na galit si Zeus sa mga taong tulad ko?

With a deep breath, I closed my eyes and leaned back, hoping that tomorrow would bring a bit more clarity and peace.

Bigla ay nakaramdam ako ng sobrang pagod. Gusto ko nang makauwi at matulog. Masakit ang katawan ko dahil sa nangyari kanina, ganoon din ang pananakit ng aking braso.

Pumasok sa utak ko ang nakapikit na Zeus habang hinahalikan ako kaya napamulat ako at napaayos ng upo.

I sighed frustratedly. Makakatulog ba kaya ako ng maayos nito?

Chapter 23

Mason

Kung may ibang tao lang ang nasa sitwasyon ko ngayon, malamang na pipiliin nilang mag-drop out kaysa patuloy na magtiis sa pang-aapi na paulit-ulit na nararanasan ko.

Nasa isip ko rin ang opsyon na umalis, subalit sa kabila ng mga nangyari sa akin sa kamay ni Zeus ay hindi ko mapigilan manghinayang. Ayokong iwan ang mga kaibigan ko, lalo at ito ang unang pagkakataon na nagkaroon ako ng tunay na kaibigan.

Natatakot akong muling makipagkilala sa ibang tao at muling mag-adjust sa bagong kapaligiran. Ang pagtitiwala sa iba at pagbuo ng mga bagong kaibigan ay hindi madali para sa akin. Lalo na’t naranasan ko na ang kalupitan ng isang taong hindi ka kayang tanggapin.

At hindi ko maiwasan mag-isip na kung paano kung mas malala pa ang maranasan ko sa ibang school?

Kung dito ay sumasaya pa ako, paano kung sa ibang school ay mas lalo lang akong magsisi?

Saka bukod pa doon ay alam kong magtatanong ang magulang kung pipiliin kong umalis sa school na ’to. At siguradong malalaman ni Tito Gaze iyon at magtataka.

Hindi ko na kayang magsinungaling pa. At ayoko nang umisip ng dahilan para lang itago ’tong nararamdaman ko para kay Zeus at para lang walang magkagulo.

Tumingin ako sa pamilyar na estudyanteng nasa harapan ko. Kasulukuyan siyang pinapakilala ng aming propesor.

“Today, we have a new student joining us. Please welcome Mason, who has recently transferred to our school.”

Mason adjusted his large-rimmed glasses with a gentle smile playing on his lips. He stood quietly, taking in the room with curious eyes that seemed to absorb every detail. As he scanned the faces around him, his gaze finally met mine, and there was a subtle gleam of recognition in his eyes, as if he’s happy to see me.

“Kilala mo ’yan?” tanong ni Damien kaya napatingin ako sa kaniya.

Umiling ako, “No, but I’ve seen him already.” sagot ko, walang balak sabihin na nakilala ko siya dahil kay Zeus.

Bumalik ang tingin ko kay Mason na ngayon ay naglalakad papunta sa pwesto ko. Akala ko ay ako ang pakay niya ngunit nang lumagpas siya para umupo sa likuran namin ni Damien ay nakahinga ako ng maluwag.

“Why are you always wearing turtle neck, Grey?” panibagong tanong ni Damien, nanliliit ang mata niya sa akin at parang alam ang tinatago kong sekreto.

Ramdam ko ang pag-iinit ng tenga ko sa tanong niya, “Because I want to,” maikling sagot ko at iniwas ang tingin.

“Oh, really?” he sarcastically asked and tried to pull the neckline and I immediately moved away from his hand.

“What are you doing?” mariin kong tanong ngunit mahina dahil nag-uumpisa nang magturo ang guro sa harap.

“You are the only one I’ve seen wearing a turtleneck for five consecutive days,” dagdag pa niya at sinusubukang hilahin ulit ang neckline ko.

Hinampas ko ang kamay niya at sinamaan siya ng tingin, “You’ll stop or you will stop?”

Tumawa siya ng mahina, “Nasaan ang option ko doon?”

Umirap ako at nagfocus na sa harap. Ngunit wala pa mang limang minuto ay nakaramdam ako ng pangangalabit sa likuran ko.

Lumingon ako kay Mason. Nahihiya siyang tumingin sa akin, “I’m sorry to disturb you… I just want to know if you have extra pen?”

Tumango ako at kinuha ang pen sa bag ko. I handed it to him, “Here,” sabi ko at ngumiti.

Ayan na naman ang titig niyang nakakailang sa mukha ko. “Thank you…” narinig kong sabi niya. I just smiled and returned my eyes at the front.

“Someone’s crushing on him…” tukso ni Damien sa akin.

I rolled my eyes, “Shut up.”

Nagpatuloy ang pang-aasar niya hanggang lunch time namin. Nang umalis ang propesor ay agad ko siyang hinampas sa braso at napa-aray naman siya.

“Stop teasing me or else I’ll tell Ali you’re not focusing on class!” sabi ko at natahimik naman siya agad. Umayos siya ng upo at siya naman ’tong umiirap sa akin.

Nagpigil ako ng ngiti.

Akala mo, ha?

“Hi, my name is Mason. You?” My gaze shifted to the guy standing beside my desk.

He adjusted his glasses and smiled shyly at me. I looked at him, unsure whether to introduce myself or ignore him.

There’s something different about him. I can’t quite put my finger on it.

Pero nang maalala ko ang ginawa ni Zeus sa kaniya ay hindi ko maiwasan maawa. At paniguradong walang gustong makipag-kaibigan sa kaniya dahil sa nangyari noon. Ramdam ko din ang bulungan nang aking mga kaklase dahil namukhaan siya.

I stood up to meet him, but then I noticed he was actually taller than me. If I’m 5’5“, I think he’s about 5’9“.

He is skinny but muscular in the right places. He seems to have a mixed heritage because of his different eye color and the sharpness of his nose. He had a few scattered pimples across his forehead that was covered by the strand of his hair.

The large-rimmed black eyeglass and his long hair cascaded over his face seemed to overshadow his handsome features.

“You can call me Grey.” I smiled warmly, extending my hand towards him. He nodded, accepting my gesture with a firm squeeze that surprised me momentarily.

Agad kong binawi ang kamay ko sa ginawa niya at umupo muli sa upuan ko. Saka ko lang napansin na umalis na pala si Damien.

Alam niya sigurong dito ako kakain ng lunch kaya hindi niya na ako niyaya.

“Nice to meet you. Gusto ko ulit magpasalamat sa pagliligtas mo sa akin last time.” he continued.

I looked up, meeting his gaze and manage to smile. “You’re welcome. And by the way… kakain lang ako ng lunch. How about you?” I asked, attempting to steer the conversation away from, the slight awkwardness.

“A-Ah… I-I’m planning to eat in the pantry. D-Dito ka lang ba?”

Tumango lang ako sa tanong niya.

“Kung ganoon ay dito narin ako. Bibili lang ako ng pagkain…” paalam niya at agad umalis sa tabi ko.

I couldn’t help but furrow my brow. As much as I didn’t want to, I couldn’t help but find his behavior strange.

The way he stared at my face everytime and squeezed my hand earlier instead of shaking it was very unusual for me.

But I guess, he just really need a friend.

I reasoned to myself, trying to dispel any discomfort.

Tumunganga ako sa pagkain ko para hintayin siya. Hindi ko din alam kung bakit ko ginagawa ’to ngunit nakakahiya naman kung uunahan ko siyang kumain dahil halata naman sa paalam niya kanina na gusto niya akong kasabay.

Ilang minuto lang ay nakarating na siya agad. Pawis na pawis siya at halata ang hingal. Mukhang tinakbo niya ang distansya ng aming building mula sa pantry.

“Weirdo…” I heard my classmates whispering while looking at him.

Mukhang hindi naman alintana ni Mason ’yon dahil nang makita niya akong nakatingin sa kaniya ay umayos siya ng tayo at nahihiyang ngumiti.

“I’m sorry. Did you wait too long?” aniya nang makalapit sa akin.

Umiling ako at pinanuod siyang umupo sa upuan ni Damien. Umawang ang bibig ko ngunit agad ko din ’tong sinara.

May inabot siya sa akin na inumin at tinapay. Nagtatakang tinignan ko siya.

“For you…” aniya at hindi makatingin sa akin.

Napalunok ako.

Just what is this?

Sumeryoso ang mukha ko, “You don’t have to do this. If you are giving this because I saved you, your thank you is enough. I don’t want to take advantage of you…” marahang sabi ko na agad ikinabalik ng tingin niya sa akin.

His eyes twinkled and his smile widened, “You’re so kind, Grey.” panimula niya at umiling. “And I’m not doing this because of that, it’s because I want to.”

Hindi ako nakapagsalita.

What does he mean by that?

Napansin niya ang reaksyon ko at nakita ko ang panic sa mata niya, “I-I mean it’s because I want to be your friend!” aniya at nauutal.

Nakahinga ako ng maluwag sa sinabi niya. At least now everything is clear for me. He only wants friendship and nothing more.

Ngumiti ako para ibsan ang tension. Tinanggap ko ang binigay niya, “Thank you, Mason. But I hope this is the last time you will do this, okay?” Tumango siya at hindi nakatakas ang mangha sa mukha niya.

“Y-You called my name…” he whispered.

Kumunot naman ang noo ko sa pagtataka. “Yes. That’s your name, right?”

Tumango siya sa aking tanong ngunit nangingiti habang kumakain kami.

I sighed. Siguro ay ganito lang talaga siya. May iba-iba naman tayong personalidad, sadyang hindi lang ako sanay sa kaniya.

“T-Taste this,” biglang sabi niya sa kalagitnaan ng pagkain namin. Nilapit niya ang kutsarang may pagkain sa bunganga ko.

Magsasalita pa lang sana ako nang biglang kumalabog ang board sa harapan namin. Agad akong napabaling doon.

And then I met his furious gaze while looking at me. Para niya akong papatayin sa titig niya at sa katabi ko.

He’s holding papers and he’s with the same guys he is with before when they announced the welcome party for freshmen.

The tension in the room skyrocketed. Everyone went silent as they turned to see the commotion. I could feel the animosity radiating from him, and it made my skin crawl.

I looked back at Mason, who seemed scared because of the new arrivals, lalo na sa lalaking nasa gitna.

“Good afternoon…” nabasag ang katahimikan nang magsalita si Zeus. “We’re here to share some news with you all.” dagdag niya at tinanguan ang kasama na sunod namang nagsalita.

“Our Homecoming event is just around the corner. We encourage everyone to participate and show their school spirit. More details will be shared soon, including the schedule and how you can sign up to help out or participate in the different events. If you have any questions or need more information, feel free to ask us or the teachers, okay?” masayang balita niya.

The class erupted in cheers and applause. My classmates exchanged excited glances, their faces lighting up with anticipation. A few of them even high-fived each other, unable to contain their enthusiasm.

Habang ako naman ay pinagpawisan ng malamig dahil ang mata ni Zeus ay nakatuon lang sa akin.

“That’s all and don’t forget to mark your calendars, okay?” dagdag pa ng lalaki na mas mukhang approachable kay Zeus.

Naglakad na sila palabas ng room namin at nang akala ko ay makakahinga na ako ng maluwag ay biglang lumingon ulit si Zeus at diretso ang titig niya sa akin.

“You,” he said in a low, menacing tone, pointing at my direction. Tumahimik ang paligid at tanging lakas ng kabog lang ng dibdib ko ang aking naririnig.

“I want to talk to you for a moment. Come out,” mayabang na utos niya.

I swallowed hard and nodded, standing up reluctantly.

Naramdaman ko ang paghawak ni Mason sa kamay ko at parang pinipigilan ako. Hindi nakatakas sa ’kin ang pagsama ng tingin ni Zeus bago ko ilipat ang tingin ko kay Mason.

He looks so scared and worried.

I gave him a reassuring smile, “I’ll be okay. Talk to you later.”

“But—”

“Now!” napaigtad kaming dalawa ni Mason sa biglaang sigaw ni Zeus. His eyes blazed with a fiery intensity, narrowed to slits as he looked at Mason.

His jaw was clenched so tightly that the muscles stood out in sharp relief, and a vein throbbed visibly at his temple.

My brows furrowed.

Ano na namang problema niya?

Chapter 24

Ayoko

Pansin ko ang mga mata ng aking mga kaklase habang sinusundan ako ng tingin.

Sa kabila ng aking kahihiyan ay diretso ang tingin ko sa mata ni Zeus, iniiwasang magpakita ng takot kahit na nanginginig ang tuhod ko.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ngunit pansin ko lang ay nitong mga nakalipas na araw ay palaging naglalandas ang daan namin. At sa tuwing nangyayari ’yon ay wala akong nagiging laban at palagi akong talo.

I hate myself for being weak and I hate how he still has the same effect on me.

Sa kabila ng galit ko, sa kabila ng resolba ko na aalisin ko na ’tong nararamdaman ko sa kaniya ay alam kong sa huli ay bibigay ako.

I never knew love can be this stupid.

Nang makalapit ako sa kaniya tinalikuran niya ako at naunang naglakad, “Follow me,” he said through his gritted teeth.

Sinunod ko siya. Dahil kung hindi ko siya susundin ay alam kong mas lalaki ang gulo.

Wala na ang mga kasama niya, siguro ay pinauna na niya. Lahat ng mga estudyanteng nadadaanan namin sa pasilyo ay napapatingin sa amin ngunit walang nagtangkang magsalita o magbulung-bulungan dahil sa dalang intimidasyon ng lalaking nasa harap ko.

Pumasok siya sa isang bakanteng room at marahas na hinila ang braso ko papasok doon. The door slammed shut behind us, the sound echoing ominously.

“Stop dragging me, asshole!” galit kong sinabi sa kaniya, my voice trembling with a mix of anger and fear.

Hindi niya ako pinansin at hinila niya pa muli ang braso ko papalapit sa kaniya, forcing me closer until I could feel the heat of his breath on my skin. Nanlaki ang mata ko nang ilapit niya ang mukha niya sa akin, his gaze is intense and unyielding.

Bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko, a rapid drumbeat against my ribcage.

“Why are you with the boy?” madilim ang mukha niyang sabi, tinutukoy si Mason, his voice low and threatening.

Kumunot ang noo ko, struggling to maintain my composure. “He’s my classmate!” iritadong sagot ko habang pinipilit na alisin ang mahigpit na pagkakahawak niya sa braso ko. My efforts were futile against his iron grip.

Ngumisi siya, a cruel smile playing on his lips. “Really? Or is he your new boy toy?” panuyang tanong niya, his words dripping with mockery.

Unti-unting umakyat ang galit sa katawan ko, my blood boiling with rage. Pagkatapos ni Sierra, si Mason naman? How dare he make such baseless accusations?

Ganoon na ba kababa ang tingin niya sa akin?

The thought stung, fueling the fire of my indignation.

With my free hand, I slapped him on his cheek. The sound echoed in the tense air, sharp and jarring.

Bumaling ang mukha niya sa kaliwa dahil doon at agad din humarap sa akin, his eyes now dark and blazing with fury. Halos mapaatras ako sa takot.

His aura is screaming death, an overwhelming force that seemed to drain the warmth from the room. Every instinct in me urged to flee, but I stood my ground, heart pounding like a war drum in my chest.

“How fucking dare you.” mariin niyang sinabi, his voice low and dangerous, as he grasped my hand tightly, the same hand that had slapped him. His grip was ironclad, and I flinched at the pain that shot through my wrist.

“You’re just with Serene five days ago! And now you’re flirting again with that motherfucking queer?” akusa niya, his eyes burning with an unspoken rage.

Galit ko siyang tinignan sa kabila ng aking takot. “I don’t know what you are talking about, and I don’t know why you are asking me these questions! Last time I checked, nandidiri ka sa akin!” I shot back, my voice trembling yet defiant.

Umigting ang panga niya dahil sa sinabi ko, and his hold on my arm tightened further, to the point where I feared it might snap. “I don’t give a damn about you! You are in my school and I don’t want a disgusting faggot spreading its virus on this place! So stop flirting with everyone!”

His words hit me like a dagger to the heart, and I felt as if knives were stabbing my wounded heart. Tuloy-tuloy na umagos ang luha ko, unable to hold back the tears.

Just… what the fuck?

Ganoon din ako kadumi sa paningin niya?

Kahit nanlalabo ang mata ko ay nakita ko ang pagbabago ng ekspresyon niya, a fleeting look of regret crossed his face, but it quickly turned blank. Siguro ay nag-iilusyon lang ako.

Siya? Magsisisi? Mas masahol pa siya sa demonyo para doon.

The pain overwhelmed me, and I felt my strength draining away.

Ang hirap makipag-usap sa taong makitid ang pag-iisip.

Pagod ko siyang tinignan. “I don’t know what’s wrong with you…” maliit ang boses ko. “Hindi ko alam kung anong pang dapat kong gawin para lang tigilan mo na ako.” basag ang boses ko.

“Hindi kita kinukulit at hangga’t maaari ay iniiwasan kong makita ka o makasalubong man. I did nothing wrong but love you. If my love offended you, then I’m sorry. Hindi ko sinasadya. I’m so sorry if I was born like this, I’m sorry if I’m not straight…” nagsimula akong humikbi at naramdaman ko ang pagpapakawala ng kamay niya sa ’kin.

“Your sister is beautiful but I’m not attracted to her even a little bit. God knows how I tried to decline her everytime she needs me but I can’t just do that always, she’s my friend. Malinis ang intensyon ko. And Mason? He is not my boy toy, he’s our new classmate…” I started to explain, dahil gusto ko na ’tong matapos kahit na alam kong kahit anong sabihin ko ay sarado ang isip niya.

“Hindi ko alam kung bakit mo naisip na nilalandi ko sila when in fact you are aware that I have feelings for you… only you… I’m doing my best to move on and to remove this feelings because loving you… even from afar… hurts so much.” muli akong humikbi.

“Ang sakit sakit. You can’t even respect me as a person…” the pain in my voice is like an acid that slowly killing me.

Suminghap ako, “If you really want me to leave this school, then I will go… give me time to do that and please, stop bothering me until then.” pakiusap ko at pinunasan ang luha ko.

Tinignan ko siya, hindi ko mabasa ang mukha niya at halo-halong emosyon ang nakikita ko sa kaniyang mata.

“And I hope someday you can open your eyes for people like me… na kahit ganito ang sekswalidad na pinili namin ay hindi kami nakakadiri, hindi kami sakit na dapat iwasan at tao lang din kami katulad mo.” tinalikuran ko na siya at nag-umpisa nang maglakad palayo ngunit nakakailang hakbang pa lang ako ay hinila niya muli ako paharap sa kaniya.

Sinalubong ako ng kaniyang mga labi. My eyes widened in surprise. Muli tumulo ang akin luha, hindi dahil sa sakit kundi dahil sa paraan ng paghalik niya sa akin. It was so gentle, so tender, unlike anything I had experienced from him before.

Para akong sinusuyo ng halik niya.

“I’m sorry…” malambing ang boses niya, ibang-iba din sa tono ng boses na lagi kong naririnig.

Nananaginip ba ako?

The question echoed in my mind as I stood there, lost in the softness of his touch and the warmth of his apology, wondering if this was real or just another cruel twist of fate.

Sinapo niya ang mukha ko gamit ang dalawa niyang kamay, ang mga daliri niya ay banayad na humahaplos sa pisngi ko. Ang labi niya ay dahan-dahan na dumadampi sa aking labi, na parang nag-aalangan pero puno ng pag-iingat.

Nanlambot ang tuhod ko at napahawak ako sa dibdib niya.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean what I said earlier…. I’m just mad.” he said softly between his kisses, ang boses niya ay puno ng pagsisisi.

Sobrang liyo ko sa kaniyang halik at hindi ako makapag-isip ng maayos. Ang lahat ng galit na nararamdaman ko ay tila unti-unting naglalaho sa init ng kanyang halik.

Ang mata ko ay nakatitig lang sa mukha niya. Nakapikit siya habang hinahalikan ako at parang iyon lang ang mahalaga sa kaniya ngayon — ang mahalikan ako.

“Greyson…” masuyo niyang tawag sa pangalan ko at binuksan ang mata niya.

Lumakas ang kabog ng dibdib ko nang masalubong ko ang asul at malalim niyang mata.

Ito ang unang beses na tinawag niya ako sa aking pangalan ngunit hindi ko magawang maging masaya. Bagkus ay naiiyak lamang ako lalo.

“Kiss me back…” nangungusap ang mata niya, tila nagmamakaawa na gawin ko ang gusto niya.

Ang puso ko ay gustong bumigay ngunit pumasok sa alaala ko lahat ng pinaggagawa niya sa akin, ang lahat ng panloloko at pananakit niya.

Umiling ako at tinulak siya, “Are you playing with me again?” halos wala na akong boses nang tanungin ko ’yon dahil sa kakaiyak ko.

“Ayoko na, Zeus. Itigil mo na ’to. Aalis na nga ako ’di ba? Stop playing with my goddamn feelings!” I pleaded.

Nanatiling seryoso ang mukha niya at wala ang galit doon. Hinapit niya ang aking bewang at pinagdikit ang aming noo.

He sighed frustratedly na para bang hirap na hirap din siya sa sitwasyon namin.

He stared deeply at me, “I’m not playing with you, Grey…”

“Liar.” mariin kong sinabi, hindi na kayang magpadala sa kahit ano man na sabihin niya.

Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at inilagay sa kaliwang dibdib niya. Nanlaki ang aking mata nang maramdaman ko ang lakas ng tibok ng puso niya, sumasabay sa akin.

“I’m not.” he said painfully. “I’m starting to fall for you, Grey…” he confessed.

Umiling-iling ako at nakita ko ang pagdaan ng sakit sa mata niya dahil sa reaksyon ko.

“I-Is this one of your games again? Is this another b-bet?” takot kong tanong at nilibot ang mata ko sa loob ng bakanteng room, hinahanap kung may camera.

“Fuck no!” aniya sa malakas na boses kaya napaigtad ako.

Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at hinila para yakapin ako ng mahigpit, I can feel his body shaking. “I don’t know how to start… but all I know is that you never leave my mind… I keep thinking of you and I know it’s hard to believe me because of the bad things I’ve done to you, but please, believe me this time…” nakikiusap na sabi niya.

Umiling akong muli at hinayaan ang sarili na umiyak sa kaniyang balikat.

Kung dati ay hinihiling kong marinig ang mga salitang ’yan sa kaniya, ngayon ay hindi na.

Para akong pinapatay sa sakit. Namamanhid na ako. Hindi ko na siya kayang pagkatiwalaan o paniwalaan man lang.

Takot na akong masaktan, mapaglaruan at gawing tanga.

Ayoko na.

Chapter 25

Confession

Hindi ko alam kung ilang minuto ang nakalipas ngunit hindi siya bumitaw sa yakap niya hanggang sa makatahan ako. Ramdam ko ang tibok ng puso niya sa dibdib ko, bawat paghinga niya ay tila nagpapakalma sa akin. Sa bawat segundo na lumipas, unti-unti kong nararamdaman ang pag-gaan ng loob ko.

At nang magkaroon ako ng lakas para itulak siya, naagaw ng pansin ko ang basang-basa ang balikat niya.

“I’m sorry…” paos na sabi ko at sinubukan punasan ang parteng iyon. Pakiramdam ko’y wala na akong boses sa sobrang pag-iyak.

Marahan niyang hinawakan ang kamay ko at binaba iyon, hindi inaalis ang hawak. Ang init ng palad niya ay nagbibigay ng kiliti sa akin.

Inangat niya ang aking baba para magkatinginan kami. Ako naman ay hiyang-hiya sa itsura ko. Panigurado ay magang-maga ang mata ko at namumula ang ilong ko.

He stared at me deeply, making me more conscious about my face. Kahit na medyo malabo ang paningin ay klarong-klaro pa rin sa akin ang ka-gwapuhan ng mukha niya. Para akong nalulunod sa lalim ng kanyang mga mata, isang dagat ng emosyon na hindi ko kayang arukin.

His thick eyebrows frame a pair of deep-set steel blue eyes, giving him an intense and captivating gaze. Long eyelashes accentuate his eyes, adding a touch of softness to his otherwise sharp features. His nose is sharp and prominent, leading down to red thin lips that contrast strikingly against his warm, olive-toned complexion.

“I hated you because the first time I met you, I felt something I never felt before. I tried to avoid you but every time I’m walking away from you, your face is all I can think of. You are always on my mind. Heck, I can’t even sleep properly,” he darkly chuckled, pumungay ang mga mata niya at hinaplos ang pisngi ko.

As much as I don’t want to feel anything anymore, he never failed to make my heart race. And the words coming from his mouth now?

I feel like fainting.

“Hindi ko alam kung anong ginawa mo sa ’kin… I just found myself falling, that I tried so hard to avoid. I even hurt you so many times just because I’m a coward and scared of my own feelings.”

Nagpatuloy siya, ang kanyang tinig ay puno ng pagsisisi. “I thought pushing you away would make it easier, that I’d forget about these feelings. But it only made things worse. Every time I saw you hurt because of me, it tore me apart inside. I wanted to tell you everything, but I was afraid. Afraid to admit that I fell in love with a guy…”

His hand moved from my chin to cup my cheek gently. “But seeing you cry like this, knowing that I’m the cause of your pain… it made me realize that I can’t keep running away. I can’t keep hurting you. I need to face my feelings.”

“I’ve never been so jealous before but fuck, baby, I just can’t stand seeing you with other people.”

My breath hitched as he leaned in closer, his eyes searching mine for any sign of rejection. “I don’t want to hurt you anymore. I want to be with you. I know I’ve made mistakes, but I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make things right.”

There was a sincerity in his voice that I couldn’t ignore. Despite the pain he had caused me, I could see the struggle and the genuine regret in his eyes. My heart was torn between the fear of being hurt again and the hope that maybe, just maybe, things could be different.

His thumb brushed away a stray tear from my cheek, and I found myself leaning into his touch. “I’m not ready yet to forgive you…” I whispered, my voice trembling with uncertainty and a bit of hope.

Hoping that this time, his words are true.

He pulled me into another embrace, this time gentler, as if afraid I might break. “Don’t worry, I’ll give you time. I will wait,” he murmured into my hair. “I’ll make it up to you.”

True to his words, simula nang araw na iyon ay hindi ko siya nakita. Two weeks have passed and everyone is busy preparing for Homecoming.

And I guess that’s the reason why I can’t even see a glimpse of Zeus since they are in charge of the upcoming event.

“Are you sure about this, Mr. Castro?” naagaw ang pansin ko nang tanungin ako ng Dean matapos kong ipasa ang aking transfer request.

Tumango ako.

He sighed, “You are the 12th student who wants to drop out this school year, and all of them are male…” Kumunot ang noo niya at nag-isip ng malalim.

“I wonder why this is happening… we never received a report of harassment nor bullying on this… so why?” narinig kong bulong niya at parang tinatanong ang sarili.

I guess these 11 students before me experienced the same way as mine from Zeus… or maybe not?

I mentally shrugged my head, hindi ko na dapat isipin ’yon. Ang mahalaga ay mapanindigan ko ’to.

“Before I process this for you, I have to speak with your parents, okay? When will they be available?”

Suminghap ako. Mas mahirap pa pala ’to sa inaakala ko. I was trying to request the dropout by myself and once it was processed, I would explain it to my parents and my friends.

Mahirap sa akin ang gagawin ko, ayokong iwan ang mga kaibigan ko dito ngunit naisip ko na mas magiging mabuti ito para sa akin at alam kong maiintindihan nila ako.

“Mr. Castro?” tawag sa akin ng Dean nang hindi ako makasagot.

“I will ask them po, Dean…”

Tumango-tango siya, “Okay! I’ll be waiting for your update then.”

Tumayo ako at nagpasalamat, bagsak ang balikat na lumabas ng office niya.

Kailangan ko na mag-isip nang magiging eksplanasyon ko sa aking magulang at mga kaibigan.

Panigurado akong hindi naman ako mahihirapan sa dalawa ngunit kay Serene ay nag-aalala ako. Sa halos dalawang buwan niya dito ay pansin kong ako pa lang ang kaibigan niya at alam kong masasaktan siya pag nalaman niyang aalis ako.

And for Zeus… I just can’t find myself to believe him anymore. But I hate that there’s still hope flickering in my heart.

At naiinis ako na hindi ko pa rin mapigilan na isipin at hanapin siya. Ito narin ang isa sa dahilan kung bakit mas magandang umalis na ako dito dahil hangga’t nandito ako ay mahihirapan akong alisin ang feelings ko.

I checked my wristwatch, it’s already a quarter to 6 p.m. Wala nang masyadong mga estudyante at tanging mga maintenance at guro na lang ang natitira habang naglalakad ako palabas ng building na ’yon. Ang mga koridor ay tahimik na, tila nagbabadya ng pagtatapos ng isang araw.

As I walked towards the gate of the school, the setting sun reflected on me. The warm, golden rays bathed everything in a soft, nostalgic glow. I stared at the sky with awe, thinking that I will miss this amazing view once I leave this school.

The vibrant hues of orange, pink, and purple painted the horizon, blending seamlessly like the chapters of my life. The sun was slowly descending, casting long shadows that seemed to stretch infinitely.

The gentle breeze carried with it the familiar scent of the old acacia trees that lined the pathway. Their leaves rustled softly, as if whispering their own farewell. I took a deep breath, savoring the moment, letting the tranquility wash over me. Each step I took felt heavier, weighed down by the bittersweet realization that this chapter of my life was coming to an end.

I might have experienced bad things meeting Zeus yet it guided me to enroll in this school and forge meaningful friendships. And it’s just hurting me to think that I have to leave them just because of my selfishness.

Nang makalabas ako ng gate ay nakita ko ang pamilyar na kotse at ang lalaking nakasandal sa pintuan nito. He’s wearing a button-down white shirt that hugs his chiseled features and perfectly sculpted physique, partnered with dark trousers and loafers.

My jaw almost dropped seeing him. He looked so good it should have been illegal.

Why is he here? Umuwi na si Serene kanina pa. Is he waiting for someone?

Kumirot ang puso ko sa naisip.

Nagtama ang mata namin at umayos siya ng pagkakatayo. Ang malamig niyang mga mata ay napalitan ng pananabik nang makita ako.

Bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko. Hinihintay niya ako?

“Grey…” tawag niya sa akin nang magkalapit kami.

“I miss you…” dagdag niya. My lips parted, namamangha sa sinabi niya.

I secretly pinched my hand to make sure I’m not dreaming.

Mukhang nakita niya ’yon dahil kumunot ang noo niya habang tinitignan ’yon, “What are you doing?” masungit niyang tanong ngunit nag-aalalang tono.

Hindi ko alam kung anong ire-react, o ano mang sasabihin. Naninibago ako. Hindi ganito si Zeus. Zeus is always mad and shouting… and not this gentle and caring.

“W-What are you doing here?” kinakabahang tanong ko, inignora ang mga una niyang sinabi.

Halos mabingi ako sa lakas ng pintig ng puso ko. Nakikiliti ang tiyan ko sa hindi malamang kadahilanan.

“I want to see you,” sagot niya at ngumiti ng bahagya.

Halos mahulog ang underwear ko dahil doon. Ilang mura ang sinambit ko sa isip ko para lang pakalmahin ang nagwawala kong sistema.

I can’t help but think.

Is this really Zeus?

I watched him open the door of his car and get something inside of it. Habang ako ay tulala pa rin sa ngiti niya.

Bumungad sa akin ang isang bungkos ng asul na tulips nang humarap siyang muli sa akin.

He stared at me seriously while handing me the flowers, “I’m going to court you and you can’t do anything about it.”

Just what the hell?

---

Sorry it took me a while to update but hope you’ll enjoy this chapter! At sa mga naghihintay ng bed scene diyan ay maghintay lang kayo lol.

Chapter 26

Open

I was staring at the blue tulips in the vase in my room, my mind reeling as the hours passed. I had no intention of accepting them, but after he made that startling confession, telling me he wanted to court me, I found myself unable to move. It felt like time had stopped.

The next thing I knew, the tulips were in my hands, and he was already driving away from me.

The way back home was a blur, my thoughts were heavy with confusion and disbelief. I replayed the encounter over and over in my mind, struggling to make sense of it.

It’s too overwhelming for me. The same Zeus who had been openly homophobic and derogatory towards me, who had treated me with such disdain for my identity and existence.

The same person who had never missed an opportunity to belittle or insult me. And now, suddenly, he wanted to court me?

Pakiramdam ko ang pangyayari ay panaginip lamang. Or maybe, I’m under of some spell or hallucinations.

My trance was broken by a knock on my room door and the sound of Mama calling my name. The familiar tone of his voice, filled with concern, pierced through my daze and jolted me back to reality.

I quickly stood up and opened the door to find Mama standing there, his blue orbs are filled with worry. “Are you okay? I’ve been calling you for a while,” he said softly, his hand reaching up to caress my cheek as if to reassure himself that I was okay.

I grasped his hand, feeling a wave of guilt wash over me. Hiyang-hiya dahil hindi ko narinig ang katok niya dahil sa pagtitig ko sa bulaklak na binigay ni Zeus.

I gave him a reassuring smile. “I’m okay, Mama. I’m really sorry I didn’t hear your knock.”

His face softened, and he responded with a smile. “Let’s eat dinner. Your Papa is waiting downstairs,” he said, his voice filled with a mixture of relief and warmth as he turned to head towards the stairs.

I followed him down to the dining table, where Papa sat patiently waiting for us. As I entered the room, I noticed the sparkle in Papa’s eyes when he saw Mama. It was a look that spoke of a love that had not only endured but deepened over the years.

After all these years together, the bond between Papa and Mama was as strong as ever. Their love had not faded, instead, it had intensified, growing richer with each passing year.

“Good evening, Pa,” I greeted him, leaning in to kiss his cheek before taking my seat across from them.

“How’s school, Grey?” he asked, looking up from his meal with genuine interest.

His face is adorned with a silver stubble that adds a touch of ruggedness to his handsome appearance.

“ I’m having fun, Dad. I’ve made some friends at school too,“ I said, a smile spreading across my face. Bigla kong naalala na kailangan ko pala silang kausapin tungkol sa pagta-transfer ko.

“That’s good to hear. I’d love to meet your friends sometime,” he replied, and I felt a warm glow in my chest at his genuine interest.

“On my birthday, I’ll definitely introduce them,” I promised cheerfully.

“Your mother mentioned that you’re friends with Sierra, Gaze’s daughter?” tanong niya ulit

Tumango ako.

“That’s wonderful. And what about Zeus? You should try to be friends with him too. He’s a great kid and already quite adept at handling business. You could learn a lot from him,” Papa said, his tone thoughtful and encouraging.

I stopped eating, my fork suspended in mid-air as my mind whirled with thoughts. I found myself at a loss for words. Mukhang napansin niya iyon dahil napansin ko ang pagkunot ng noo niya.

“I-I’m not friends with him. Hindi ko din po kasi siya laging nakikita at magkaiba po yung building namin kaya hindi po kami nakakapag-usap.” I lied as the guiltyness crept over me.

Hindi ako makatingin sa kaniya. I’m sorry, Dad.

I was still grappling with how to bring up my reason for transferring schools, without causing concern or misunderstanding. At lalo na ang nangyayari sa ’min ni Zeus.

Siguro ay si Mama muna ang kakausapin ko tungkol dito. My father is expecting me to be friends with Zeus without him knowing that I have feelings with that asshole.

“I see…” my Dad nodded, glancing at Mama who was seated beside him. His eyes lingered on him with affection.

“Do you still want to eat, babe? Ipagbalat kita ng prutas?” he asked, his deep voice softened with a touch of tenderness.

I suppressed a smile as I watched them. Their love was so genuine and so reassuring.

“No, thank you. I’m full,” Mama replied, his smile brightening his face. My father looked at him with a look of admiration, as if seeing him for the first time despite having spent years together.

Natapos kaming kumain at umakyat na ako sa kwarto pagkatapos linisin ang lamesa at pinagkainan namin.

As soon as I entered my room, my phone began to ring. Agad kong kinuha iyon para tignan kung sino ang tumatawag.

Unknown number.

My heart skipped a beat. I instantly recognized the number, even though it wasn’t saved in my contacts.

Namatay ang tawag at nagulat ako nang makitang may 16 miscalls ako sa phone at lahat iyon ay galing sa kaniya.

What the hell?

Before I could fully process the situation, my phone rang again, and the screen displayed his number. I felt a pang of anxiety mixed with frustration. My mind raced between answering or ignoring it.

Ngunit pag-naiisip ko ang dami ng miscalls niya ay mas pinili ko na lang sagutin.

“Why the fuck are you not answering my calls? Where are you?” His voice was a mix of frustration and concern. I flinched at the harshness in his tone. My throat felt tight, and I struggled to find words.

His breathing on the other end of the line was heavy and I heard him took a deep breath, sending a shiver down my spine. “I’m sorry for cursing… I’m just really worried,” he said, his voice softening.

“W-Why are you calling me?” I asked, sinking onto my bed. My heart was racing uncontrollably, pounding so hard it felt like it might escape my ribcage.

“I want to hear your voice,” he said simply. It was such a casual statement, but it felt like a slap in the face. It was as if he had forgotten everything he had put me through.

Pumait ang pakiramdam ko, “If this isn’t important, I’ll hang up,” matigas kong sinabi, handa nang patayin ang tawag niya.

There was a long pause on the other end before he responded, “I guess you’re tired. I’m sorry for bothering you. Goodnight.” I heard the coldness of his voice as he ended the call.

My heart clenched as I felt tears welling up. I was overwhelmed by a rush of conflicting emotions. Bakit ako pa ang nagi-guilty?

My phone beeped with a new message. I wiped my unshed tears and check my phone, my hands trembling.

Unknown number: I miss you and I want to see you.

I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling a new wave of tears rolling down my cheeks. I dropped my phone onto the bed and curled up.

“I’d rather fuck an old dying woman than to have feelings for you.”

His painful words were etched in my heart, each one a dagger that cut deeper with every recollection. Everytime I remembered that night, it killed me inside. His cruelty was a ghost that haunted me even up to this day.

“You’re so disgusting. And I hate myself every time my lips touch yours. It feels like I want to die.”

Why was it so easy for him? After inflicting so much pain, belittling me, and trampling on my self-worth, how could he just change his feeling and wants to court me suddenly?

After everything, how could he expect me to open my heart to him? How I would still believe him? The pain is too deep and the wounds still raw.

I still love him but I couldn’t let myself fall into his trap again.

I wiped away my tears and stood up to head to the bathroom for a shower. Each step felt heavy and as I stand in front of the mirror, I saw the puffiness and redness of my eyes. I looked so exhausted, my hair was cascading over my face.

Mahaba na pala ang buhok ko, kailangan ko nang magpagupit.

After finishing my night routine, I emerged from the bathroom and walked towards my end table where I had placed the vase earlier. Inalis ko ang bulaklak na ibinigay sa ’kin ni Zeus at itinapon sa basurahan. I just can’t bear to see it.

As I was tidying up, I heard a knock at the door. I opened it to find Mama standing there in his pajamas, carrying a tray with milk and cookies.

“I bought you a snack,” he said smilingly but it faded into concern when he saw my face.

Napansin niya siguro ang pamamaga ng mata ko.

Marahan niya akong hinila papasok sa kwarto at nilagay niya ang tray sa side table ko at umupo kami sa couch.

Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at nag-aalala akong tinignan. “What happened?” his worried tone was enough to break me down again.

He pulled me into a comforting embrace, letting me cry on his shoulder. I didn’t know how long I cried, but Mama stayed quiet, soothing my back with gentle strokes. His presence was a small comfort amid the storm of emotions I was experiencing.

Hindi ako makatingin sa kaniya pagkatapos. Nanatiling nasa kandungan ang mata ko. Hiyang-hiya ako.

“What happened, Grey? You can tell me…” she said softly, encouraging me to open up.

I took a shaky breath and glanced at her, only to look away again. “I-I’m so sorry, Mama… I don’t mean to lie to you and Papa, but I fell in love…” I began to confess, tears spilling down my face once more.

“I fell in love with Z-Zeus… the first time he walked into our house, he caught my attention, and that’s where it all started. I’m sorry, Mama…” I continued.

“Why are you sorry? Because you fell in love with a guy? Or for keeping this a secret? I don’t care about that, Grey. You’re at the age where you’re discovering things. Explore as much as you want, do what you want, and love who you want to love. Hindi ka namin pagbabawalan diyan, ngunit hangga’t maaari ay ayaw ka naming makitang masaktan. And I know that there’s a reason why you chose to hide this to us.” Mama’s words provided some comfort in my heart. At kahit papano ay nabawasan ang bigat na nararamdaman ko.

He wiped my tears away and smiled at me with understanding. “Why are you crying? Nasasaktan ka ba? Nahihirapan?” he asked gently.

I nodded in response to her question, the pain clearly reflected in my eyes.

“It’s okay… tell me what happened…” he urged, and I tell him everything, the hurtful actions of Zeus, his confusing behavior, and his attempts to court me despite the pain he had caused.

As I spoke, Mama’s face shifted, his anger toward Zeus barely contained. It was clear he was struggling to suppress his fury at the way he had treated me. His expression conveyed a mix of protective anger and deep concern for my well-being.

“Please, Mama… don’t tell this to Dad. I-I’m scared…” pag amin ko.

Huminga siya ng malalim, “Yes, baby. I will not. But I can’t promise that I’ll be kind to that asshole if I see him. How dare he do that to you?!” he said in disbelief, his hand clenched into a fist.

I held his hand, and his expression softened. “I’m sorry, baby. I should be comforting you, but I can’t suppress my anger. I’m angry because I didn’t notice this sooner. If I had noticed earlier, you wouldn’t have had to suffer for so long.”

Marahas akong umiling bilang pagtutol. “No, Mama! It’s my fault! Please, don’t blame yourself. It was my choice to hid it from you, I’m so sorry…”

He caressed my face and looked at me gently, “It’s okay… I’ll go to your school tomorrow for your transfer request. Ako na bahala kumausap sa tatay mo.”

I hugged her tightly, “Thank you so much, Ma. Nasasaktan parin po pero nabawasan na ang bigat na nararamdaman ko. Thank you, Ma… for always taking care of me and for supporting me. I love you, kayo ni Papa… sobrang swerte ko sa inyo.” I said wholeheartedly.

His eyes are bloodshot because of unshed tears when I let go of him, he smiled at me lovingly. “I love you, anak…. No keeping secrets this time, alright?” my heart warmed as I nodded.

Hinagkan niya ako sa noo, “It’s already late, you have to rest for your school tomorrow. Good night, Grey…”

“Good night, Ma.” I kissed him on his cheeks and I watched as he walked towards the door of my room, his presence leaving a reassuring warmth behind.

Mainit pa ang gatas nang inumin ko ’to. Habang kinakain ko yung cookies na dala ni Mama ay kinuha ko ang cellphone ko para mag-alarm.

There’s too many notifications on my phone when I opened it but his message are the only one who caught my attention.

Binuksan ko ’yon.

Unknown number: I’m sorry. I know everything is too fast for you. I understand that the pain I caused is not easy to forget and unforgivable. But I will wait for you. We’ll take this slowly, until you heal from the pain, until you can forgive me, and until you are ready to open your heart to me again.

I smiled sadly.

Hindi ko na alam kung kaya ko pang buksan muli ang puso ko para sa ’yo.

—

Enjoy the long update! Don’t forget to comment your thoughts and share this story! Mwa!

PS: Malapit ma bedscene kasi kahit ako naiinip na. LOL

Chapter 27

Time

Katulad ng sinabi ni Mama ay pumunta siya sa sumunod na araw sa school para i-proseso ang ang pag-transfer ko. Sumabay siya sa akin pagpasok ng school at hindi ko alam kung paano niya ito sinabi kay Dad ngunit alam kong alam na nito ang balak kong pag-alis.

“Good morning, Mr. Castro…” bati ni Dean sa amin. As we stepped into his office, we were led to a sofa where drinks and snacks were thoughtfully arranged on the table.

“I believe that you’re here to process your son’s request, right?” panimula niya.

“Yes,” Mama responded, looking at the paperwork that needed to be signed. He appeared eager to get things sorted out.

Dean nodded thoughtfully, his expression indicating that he was waiting for further clarification. “It’s really unfortunate to hear that your son will be moving to another school, especially since he is the top student in his class. Even his teachers are surprised by this news, but I guess, we can’t do anything to change his decision.” he said, his voice reflecting a mix of regret and understanding.

“This wouldn’t have happened if this school didn’t have a bully,” Mama remarked. Both Dean and I were taken aback by Mama’s blunt comment.

Mama?!

Agad na lumipat sa akin ang mata ng matandang lalaki. “A-Are you bullied, Grey? That’s why you’re transferring?” nag-aalalang tanong nito.

Agad akong umiling at hinawakan ang kamay ni Mama. It seemed that Mama understood the situation and responded with a forced laugh, attempting to ease the tension in the room.

“It’s just a joke, Dean. I apologize if it caused any discomfort,” Mama said, though his attempt to lighten the mood was met with only a strained smile from the elderly gentleman.

Hanggang sa matapos ang meeting ay parang nasa malalim na pag-iisip ang Dean. He maintained only polite and strained smiles to Mama and the atmosphere remained uneasy until we eventually concluded our visit and left his office.

“I’m sorry, Grey… hindi ko lang mapigilan sarili ko kanina…” paliwanag niya nang mahatid ko siya sa parking lot kung nasaan ang kotse.

I gave him a reassuring smile, “It’s okay po. Thank you po sa pagpunta. Take care on your way home, Mama.”

“I will. I love you.” he kissed my forehead and went inside the car.

Nang mawala na sa paningin ko ang kotse ay dumiretso na ako ng building para sa susunod kong klase.

At habang nasa klase, ang tanging laman lang ng utak ko ay kung paano ko ipapaliwanag ang paglipat ko ng school sa mga kaibigan ko, natatakot ako sa magiging reaksyon nila, lalo na kay Sierra. Magagalit iyon sa akin hindi nga ako nagkamali sa mga sumunod na araw.

“You’re going to what?!” Sierra exclaimed, her eyes widening in disbelief. Nasa pantry kami ngayon at kumakain ng lunch. Ito na ang huling linggo na masasamahan ko siyang kumain sa pantry na ’to.

Yung dalawa ay hindi namin kasama dahil may pupuntahan daw. Ever since they started officially dating, they’d often sneak away to spend more time together, which was understandable. Kaso dahil doon ay nahihirapan akong kausapin sila tungkol dito.

“I’m going to transfer schools,” I repeated, my voice steady despite the turmoil inside me.

Nahulog ang panga niya at litong-lito sa sinabi ko. “But why?” she demanded, her brows furrowing in a mix of concern and confusion. “This is a prank, right?” Her voice had a hopeful lilt, hoping that I was joking.

Nginitian ko siya ng malungkot at umiling, “It’s not a prank, Sierra. I’m serious. I’m really going to transfer to another school.”

“Why?!” Her frustration bubbled over, her voice cracking with the force of her emotion. Her hands clenched into fists on the table, and I could see the hurt in her eyes. She was on the verge of tears, and it broke my heart.

I bit my lip, my gaze dropping to the table. Bigat na bigat ako sa gagawin ko at hirap kung paano ko ipapaliwanag sa kaniya ang totoo ngunit mas pinili kong itago na lang.

“I’m sorry, I can’t tell you.” The words felt like stones in my mouth.

How could I explain that her brother was the reason for this sudden decision? Na dahil sa mga ginawa ng kuya niya ay hindi ko na kayang manatili dito?

“Wow,” she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm and hurt. “You give me this short notice, and you’re not even going to explain?” Her eyes bore into mine, accusing and betrayed. She struggled to maintain her composure, blinking rapidly to keep the tears at bay. “I guess all along, you never treated me as your friend, huh?” punong-puno ng pagkadismaya ang boses niya.

Each word is a dagger to my heart.

Before I could muster a response, she stood abruptly, leaving her half-eaten meal and storming out of the pantry. I watched her retreating back, feeling utterly helpless. My heart ached, and my eyes stung with unshed tears. I hated this situation. I hated that I was hurting my friends. But I had made my decision, and there was no turning back.

I have to be selfish, or else I will end up destroying myself.

Staring blankly at my food, I realized I had lost all appetite. I sighed, feeling the weight of my choices. Just then, a shadow fell over me.

I looked up to find Zeus standing there, on his uniform and holding a mini paper bag.

His other hand are inside his pocket, “I finally found you,” aniya at inabot sa akin ang dala niya. “This is for you.” dagdag niya pa.

My eyes widened in surprise, and I glanced around the room. Ang mga estudyante sa pantry ay naagaw ang pansin at ngayon ang mata ay nasa amin ni Zeus, hindi nakatakas sa akin ang mga bulungan nila.

Heat crept up my neck and into my cheeks, embarrassment washing over me. I couldn’t believe this was happening—right here, in front of everyone.

I stood up quickly, my chair scraping against the floor, and walked out of the pantry. My steps are brisk as I left Zeus standing there, holding the paper bag. My mind raced as I headed back towards the building, my face flushed with a mixture of emotions.

Just what the heck are you thinking, Zeus?

I closed my eyes tightly, trying to push away the embarrassment that threatened to overwhelm me.

It’s been a month now since Zeus declared his intentions to court me. Since then, my life has been a whirlwind of confusion and frustration.

Every day, he waits for me at the parking lot after classes, dahil alam niyang doon ako hinihintay ni kuya Albert para sunduin. He always have this bunch of blue tulips on his hand that I always refused to accept.

Natigil lang iyon nang sabihin ko kay kuya Albert na hintayin ako sa ibang lugar kaya tuwing uwian ay sinisigurado kong wala si Zeus sa paligid bago ako pumunta d’on.

He never fails to call and text me always, trying to update me about what he’s doing everyday.

Boyfriend na kung umasta ’e hindi ko naman siya sasagutin.

At first, I tried to ignore his persistent messages and calls. I thought if I didn’t respond, he’d get the hint and back off. But Zeus was relentless. When I finally got fed up, I blocked his number, thinking that would put an end to it.

Pero hindi! Kumuha siya ng bagong number para lang ituloy ang panggugulo niya sa akin!

I couldn’t believe his persistence. It was both flattering and infuriating. Ginawa ko na ang lahat para lang maiwasan at taguan siya.

And now, to top it all off, he had come to the pantry, in front of everyone, to give me something? Alam niyang maraming estudyante dahil lunch time pero parang wala lang sa kaniya ’yon kanina?

Is he serious?!

He’s willing to tarnish his image just to play with my feelings?

Asshole!

Naramdaman ko ang paghabol ni Zeus sa likuran ko at kahit anong bilis ko sa paglalakad ay hindi ko siya matakasan.

Nang maabutan ako ay hinila niya ang braso ko paharap sa kaniya, halos magdikit ang mga katawan namin dahil d’on.

Ang madilim niyang mata ang agad na bumungad sa akin. Umigting ang panga niya, halatang pilit niyang pinipigilan ang sarili.

“Why are you avoiding me?” seryosong tanong niya.

Hinigit ko pabalik ang braso ko mula sa mahigpit niyang hawak at napapasong lumayo sa kaniya. Binigyan ko siya ng matalim na tingin. “Why don’t you stop playing with me, Zeus?” sagot ko, iniignora ang tanong niya.

He sighed in frustration, he pushed his hair back, revealing the sharp lines of his jaw and neck. I couldn’t deny how attractive he looked at that moment, even as frustration etched itself onto his face.

Gusto ko na lang sampalin ang sarili ko.

“How many times do I have to say that I’m not playing, Grey?” His voice was low, filled with a mix of desperation and sincerity.

“At ilang beses ko rin bang sasabihin na hindi ko kayang maniwala sa sinasabi mo?” My voice trembled slightly, revealing the inner turmoil I tried so hard to hide.

Dumapo ang sakit sa mata niya at napansin ko ang pagkuyom ng kanyang kamao. “Then tell me what should I do to make you believe me?” pagsusumamo niya. His voice broke slightly, as if he was on the verge of something. It was a side of him I rarely saw, vulnerable and raw.

He’s really great at acting, huh?

Diretso ko siyang tinignan sa mata. “Stop this bullshit. Stop courting me, Zeus. Stop texting and calling me! You’re annoying!” Hindi ko na napigilan ang galit ko at lumakas ang boses ko.

My mind raced, desperately searching for a reason to push him away. To justify the walls I had built around myself.

Hindi na ako bibigay.

“Fine,” he said painfully, every word seeming to cost him a piece of his soul. “If this is annoying you, I’ll stop.” There was a finality in his tone, as if he was sealing away a part of himself.

I bit my lip to stop my tears from falling. Ramdam ko ang pagbigat ng kung ano sa nararamdaman ko, parang may bato na dumagan sa dibdib ko nang marinig ang sinabi niya.

“I’ll stop for now.” patuloy niya.

Napaangat ang tingin ko sa mukha niya nang sabihin niya ’yon. There was something in his eyes, a determination that sent a chill down my spine.

“I’ll give you time. Even if it takes years for you to forgive me, I’ll still wait.” His voice was steady, but there was a softness to it, a promise that felt both comforting and terrifying.

My lips parted, unable to form words.

“Fuck being homophobic, I am in love with you. I’ll do whatever it takes for you to love me again,” he said before turning his back on me.

Leaving me deafened by the pounding sound of my heart.

— Hi! I just want to clear out something. Rest assured that there will be no sexual abuse or rape that will happen in this story. Again, I don’t normalize this kind of things. But before, when I started writing Obsession and Possession, which is under revision by the way. I was naive and thought that these things are okay because it’s fiction and I was inspired by other bxb authors. I didn’t mean to offend anyone. I’m sorry.

I am learning and doing better now.

And to all of my supporters eversince and new ones, I do really appreciate your endless support!

Chapter 28

The Truth

I spent my last days of my second year college in this school trying to talk with Serene. Simula noong araw na ’yon ay hindi ko na siya mahagilap. Alam kong magagalit siya sa naging desisyon ko ngunit hindi ko inaakalang ganito kalala ang magiging reaksyon niya dahil d’on. Iniiwasan niya ako at itinuturing na parang hangin.

Whenever we cross paths, she looks straight ahead as if she doesn’t see me. And whenever I try to talk to her, she finds a way to get away from me. It’s like I’ve become invisible to her, a ghost haunting the corridors we used to walk together. Each ignored glance and quick exit feels like a dagger to my heart, deepening the chasm between us.

Nasasaktan ako sa ginagawa niya ngunit alam kong kasalanan ko. Ayaw kong masira yung pagkakaibigan namin dahil lang dito kaya napagdesisyon kong sabihin na ang totoo sa kaniya.

It was saturday morning when I texted her,

Ako: Hi. I know you’re mad at me right now. I don’t want to do this but I have to. Can we please meet up? I wanna talk to you.

Ilang minuto akong nakatitig sa screen ng phone at hinihintay ang reply niya ngunit wala. Siguro ay tulog pa.

I let out a deep sigh, my shoulders slumping, as I ate breakfast. The cereal tasted like cardboard, and I pushed it around in the bowl, more interested in my thoughts than the food. The loneliness of the morning crept in, making my heart heavier with each passing second.

Ako lang mag-isa ngayon sa bahay dahil umalis sina Mama para sa isang business trip kasama si Dad at bukas pa ang magiging uwi nila.

My phone beeped, and I immediately checked it. My eyes widened when I saw it was from Serene.

Serene: I don’t want to. Stop bothering me.

Ngumuso ako at hindi mapagkakailang nasaktan sa reply niya. Naaalala ko ang malamig niyang titig sa akin pag nagkakasalubong kami ng mata. Na nagpapaalala sa akin kay Zeus.

And speaking of Zeus, isa pa ’yon, hindi ako pinapatulog ng maayos sa gabi dahil sa mga pinagsasabi niya.

He is in love with me?

I was really shocked when I heard those words from him. Hindi ako pinatulog ng maayos sa gabi. My mind tells me it’s just nonsense and not true, but my heart hopes he means what he says. The confusion and fear his confession stirred in me were overwhelming.

Inalis ko si Zeus sa isipan ko at muling tinignan ang reply ni Serene. I took a deep breath and decided to text Serene one more time.

Ako; Serene, please. I’m really sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Can we talk, just for a few minutes? I need to explain everything to you.

I hit send and hoped against hope that she’d give me a chance. The seconds felt like hours as I waited, each tick of the clock amplifying my anticipation. Finally, my phone beeped again.

Serene: Fine. Meet me at our usual place.

Relief washed over me. I had a chance to explain, to make things right. I quickly got dressed. The morning sun was bright and cheerful, a stark contrast to the storm brewing inside me.

The drive to our favorite café felt like an eternity, my mind racing with thoughts of what I would say and how she would react.

When I arrived, I spotted Serene sitting on a bench, her arms crossed and her expression guarded. She looked so distant, a far cry from the girl who once called me her best friend.

I approached her slowly, my heart in my throat, each step feeling heavier than the last.

“Serene,” tawag ko at umupo sa harapan niya, trying to catch her eye. “I miss you…” The words felt inadequate, but they were all I could muster.

Her gaze remained cold. Ngumuso ako, pinipigilan ang luha dahil nasasaktan talaga ako sa inaakto niya. “I’m really sorry… I never wanted to hurt you. But this is the decision I need to make, or else I’m gonna ruin myself.”

She looked at me directly, her eyes filled with indifference, but it seemed that I got her attention now.

Lumunok ako, gathering all the courage I had left. “I-I am in love with your kuya,” panimula ko. Her eyes widened in shock, the cold mask slipping slightly.

Umiwas ako ng tingin, unable to bear the weight of her gaze. “I’m sorry for keeping this from you. I was too ashamed to tell it.” The words spilled out, each one heavy with the weight of unspoken truths.

“So… you’re leaving the school because you’re in love with my brother?” Her voice was soft, barely above a whisper, “You think I’m going to judge you just because of that?” Her voice broke, the facade of anger crumbling to reveal the hurt beneath.

Agad akong umiling, “No… of course not!” The words rushed out, desperate to reassure her. “I just… I couldn’t bear the thought of losing my friends because of something I can’t control.”

“Then why?” she asked, her voice trembling with a mix of emotions. The vulnerability in her eyes broke my heart all over again.

I took a deep breath, gathering my thoughts as I started to share everything to her except of his declaration of courting me.

I bit my lip. “But loving him means losing myself,” I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. “He hurt me in every way I know, yet I still love him. But I realized that it’s wrong. Loving him means losing my dignity, my trust in others, and my confidence in everything. Pinatay niya ako ng paulit-ulit at pinaramdam na mali ang ipinanganak ako sa mundo dahil lang bakla ako.” My voice cracked, the weight of my confession crashing down on me. “I guess that’s my consequence for loving a homophobe, huh?”

Nanlalabo ang mata ko dahil sa mga luha kong pinipigilan sa pagtulo. Naramdaman ko ang pagtayo ni Serene mula sa upuan niya para yakapin ako. The warmth of her embrace was unexpected, a small comfort in the midst of the storm.

Narinig ko ang hikbi niya, “Oh my god, Grey. I’m so sorry! I didn’t know… I’m sorry…” Her voice was thick with emotion, each word a balm to my wounded heart.

Hinawakan ko ang braso niya. “It’s not your fault, Sierra,” sabi ko, pilit siyang pinapatahan ngunit umiiyak pa rin siya.

Kinuha ko ang panyo ko at iniabot ko ito kay Sierra. Nanginginig ang kanyang kamay nang kinuha niya ito upang punasan ang mga luhang umaagos sa kanyang mga pisngi.

Nakaupo kami sa isang sulok ng café at kakaunti lang ang tao, may harang din na mga halaman kung nasaan kami kaya alam kong walang nakakakita sa amin.

Habang dahan-dahang kumalma si Sierra, pulang-pula ang kanyang mga mata at namamaga Hindi ko maiwasang matawa nang kaunti. Para siyang bata.

“Why are you laughing?” she asked, her voice still shaky, as she glared at me. May pagtataka at bahagyang pangangasim sa kanyang tingin, tila nagtataka kung bakit ako natawa sa gitna ng ganitong seryosong sandali.

Umiling ako at ngumiti, nararamdaman ang pagluwag ng bigat sa dibdib dahil alam kong ayos na kami. “Nothing,” sagot ko.

She sighed and adjusted her seat next to me, her eyes returning to me with full of regret. “I don’t know how to apologize for what my brother did to you, but I’m really sorry that you had to experience all of that,” she said and her voice is full of sadness

“You don’t have to say sorry, Sierra…” sagot ko.

Ngumiti siya ng mapait, tila may mga alaala siyang bumabalik na masakit. “I know that this is not gonna justify what he did to you but my kuya…” tumigil siya at parang iniisip kung itutuloy pa ang sasabihin.

Her eyes watered again as she continued, “… he was abducted when he was 12 years old by his bodyguard before.” Hindi ko mapigilang mapasinghap sa rebelasyon niya. Ang hangin sa paligid namin ay biglang bumigat.

Zeus was abducted?

“And you know what he looked like when we found him?” patuloy ni Sierra, ang kanyang mga mata ay puno ng sakit at paghihirap. “He was naked, and there were so many red marks and bruises on his body. According to the doctor who checked his body, we found out that he was raped, and the ones who did it were his bodyguard that we found out lately, is a gay.”

Lumipad ang palad ko sa bibig ko, hindi makapaniwala sa naririnig. Parang kinurot-kurot ang puso ko habang pumapasok sa isipan ko ang mga pinagdaanan ni Zeus sa kamay ng mga demonyong ’yon.

“He was brought to the U.S. for treatment where I grew up, and I am one of the witnesses to his suffering. He was mute for months and homeschooled for years. Since then, his relationship with our parents, especially with Papa Caius, has never been the same. That’s also when his hatred towards gay people started. And until now, he’s still taking the medication prescribed by his therapist.”

Hindi ako makapagsalita sa gulat ngunit nararamdaman ko ang luha kong tumutulo. Ito ang dahilan kaya ganoon ang galit niya sa akin?

Alam kong hindi parin tama ang mga ginawa niya sa akin ngunit hindi ko parin maiwasan maawa at masaktan.

Oh, god. He was just 12 years old that time!

Pumikit ako at hinayaang umagos ang luha. Wala na akong pake kahit makita akong ganito ni Sierra.

I felt her hugging me but it didn’t lessen the pain in my heart.

I can’t even imagine it!

Paano nila nalunok gawin ang kahayupang ’yon sa bata?

I cried even harder. It’s a good thing that I stuck to my decision to leave that school because I just can’t bear to think that I might be the one who triggers him to recall that traumatizing memory.

Hindi ko kakayanin.

Chapter 29

Remedy

“Happy birthday, Grey!” Halos mapapikit ako sa lakas ng tunog ng party popper na pumutok sa harapan ko. The confetti rained down like a colorful shower, and I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks as everyone cheered.

This is the first time I’ve celebrated my birthday with other people. It felt strange, unfamiliar, but also warm in a way I hadn’t expected. My friends were gathered around me, their faces lit up with excitement, clapping as if this was the most important celebration of the year—despite the fact that I’m going to transfer to a different school soon.

I glanced around the backyard, taking in the scene. The small table set up with snacks and drinks was covered with a bright tablecloth, and the string lights hanging above us swayed gently in the evening breeze, casting a soft, golden glow over everything.

“Thank you, guys,” I finally said, my voice a little shaky as I leaned over to blow out the candles on my cake.

We’re in our backyard, surrounded by the familiar sights of home. The tall trees that line the fence stood like silent guardians, their leaves rustling softly in the wind. The sound of crickets beginning to chirp in the background added to the peaceful ambiance, and the cool evening air was filled with the sweetness of the cake in front of me.

This was supposed to be a party, but I had asked Mama to cancel it. I just couldn’t handle the thought of her inviting the Dark Family—including Zeus, whom I’ve been doing everything I can to avoid.

Just the thought of seeing him made my stomach twist with anxiety. I haven’t been able to face him, not after everything that’s happened over the past few months. Every time I thought about him, a wave of guilt and shame washed over me, and I hated myself for feeling this way.

I also changed my number and had to block him on all of my social media. He tried to visit me at my house, but I’d never show up.

Hindi ko siya kayang harapin pagkatapos ng lahat ng nalaman ko. The weight of it all felt like a heavy stone lodged in my chest, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake it.

“Grey?” I snapped out of my thoughts and saw Sierra looking at me worriedly.

“You’re thinking about him, aren’t you?” she asked sadly, her voice barely above a whisper.

“I can’t help it,” I admitted, my voice cracking slightly. The truth was, no matter how much I tried to distract myself, he was always there in the back of my mind.

“You know, I can’t count how many times he tried to ask me about you,” she said, her tone shifting from sadness to frustration. “But you’re my best friend, and every time I think about what he did to you, I can’t help but want to slap him in the face whenever he mentions your name.” Her hands clenched into fists at her sides, and I could see the anger simmering beneath her calm exterior.

I laughed, feeling a little lighter. “Grabe ka naman. Don’t be too hard on your Kuya…”

She rolled her eyes dramatically. “I’m not. He deserves it.”

Nakangiti akong napailing at binaling ang tingin ko sa tapat kung saan naghaharutan ang dalawa. Damian and Ali were laughing, completely absorbed in their own world. I made a face, and Damian noticed, furrowing his brows.

“What?” masungit niyang tanong. Still a little miffed that I hadn’t told him and Ali about my plans to transfer sooner.

“Lalanggamin na ang pagkain dahil sa inyo.” I teased, trying to lighten the mood. Ali laughed at my comment and playfully pushed Damian away.

“I’m sorry, Grey…” Ali said while giggling.

I laughed and shook my head. “I’m just joking. Saka sanay na kami sa inyong dalawa ’no.”

“Right,” Sierra chimed in, grinning as she stood up. “Let’s take pictures first before we eat!”

And that’s exactly what we did. We posed for countless photos, my cheeks aching from smiling so much. We even took a video, capturing the moment. It felt good to let go, even if just for a little while.

After that, we dug into the food that Mama had prepared for my birthday. The table was piled high with all my favorites—grilled meats, fresh salads, and homemade desserts. We even had some wine to drink!

I didn’t really want to drink, but the three of them insisted, guilt-tripping me by saying that we wouldn’t get to hang out together as often anymore, kaya wala akong ginawa at sinunod sila.

Hindi ko mapigilan ngumiwi nang gumapang ang likido sa aking lalamunan. The wine was sweet and smooth but I can’t help but to react. And soon enough, the warmth of it spread through me, and I found myself enjoying every bits of it.

As the night wore on, the conversation flowed easily, and for a moment, it felt like everything was okay. The laughter and chatter of my friends created a comforting bubble that shielded me from my worries.

It was past 1 a.m. when we finished. I could feel the dizziness setting in as I stood up to see them off at the gate. The cool night air was a welcome relief, brushing against my flushed cheeks.

Muntikan pa nga akong matumba kaya ala-lang alala sila sakin but I assured them that I’m fine.

“We will miss you,” Sierra said as she hugged me tightly, Ali followed, wrapping me in a comforting hug also.

Uminit ang puso ko.

“I will miss you more,” I said with a smile, my voice wavering as tears threatened to spill. I will surely miss my girls.

“Stop being dramatic. Lilipat lang siya ng school, hindi mag-iibang bansa. We can even visit him at his new school every day,” Damien interjected suddenly, trying to lighten the mood. His comment was met with a playful smack from Ali.

I let out a laugh. “Still the same Damien I know.”

“Of course. I’m your first friend, right?” he said with a grin that reminded me of all the good times we’d shared.

I gave him a playful punch on the arm. “Yabang! But thank you, Damien… Mamimiss ko ang pagiging pasaway mo sa klase.”

“Pasaway pa rin siya sa klase?” Ali’s voice rose in surprise as she gave Damien a disapproving look.

“Oops…” I covered my mouth and laughed as Ali began to pinch Damien everywhere. His protests and their laughter filled the night air.

“He’s lying! He’s lying!” Damien defended himself, trying to evade Ali’s playful assault while me and Sierra watched them with amusement.

A few more minutes passed before they finally got into their car and said their final goodbyes. I waved my hands as I watched their cars disappear into the distance, the lights fading into the night.

The silence that followed felt heavier, the emptiness of the night echoing the weight of my own emotions. Huminga ako ng malalim at lumakad na papasok sa bahay namin.

“So, you’re leaving, huh?” Nanigas ako sa kinatatayuan ko nang marinig ang boses niya.

I quickly turned around and saw Zeus standing there, his expression dark and intense. The dim streetlight illuminated his handsome features, and I could even hear his jaw clenching, the tension in his posture palpable.

“Z-Zeus?” I asked in shock. I blinked repeatedly, convinced that the wine and the late hour might be playing tricks on me.

He didn’t answer and took a step closer to me, his eyes locked onto mine. My heart raced, and my mind was a whirlwind of confusion as I realized he was really here.

“W-Why are you here?” I asked, my voice trembling as I instinctively took a step back, my mind racing with questions.

His face grew even darker, and he quickened his pace. Before I could react, he grabbed my arm and pulled me into his embrace, pressing me tightly against him.

Nanlaki ang mata ko nang maramdaman ang katawan niya sa akin.

“I miss you so much,” he said, his voice thick with emotion as he held me. My tears began to form as I felt his warmth enveloping me, the scent of his perfume mixing with the fresh night air.

I miss you more.

Gusto kong sabihin sa kaniya ’yan ngunit bumalik ang mga sinabi ni Sierra sa akin kaya sinubukan kong itulak siya. My hands pressed against his hard chest, trying to create distance.

But with the way he held me, it was almost impossible to escape. His embrace was so tight that it felt like a physical barrier against the world. I struggled for air, the intensity of his hold making it hard to breathe.

“Let me go,” I said firmly, my voice coming out more desperate than I intended.

“No,” he replied, his voice resolute. Na para bang wala na talaga siyang balak pakawalan ako.

I bit my lip and let the tears fall freely.

Akala ko ubos na ang luha ko, akala ko wala na akong maiiyak, ngunit pagdating sa lalaking ’to, sobrang hina ko.

“I’m sorry…” he whispered into my ear, his breath warm against my skin.

Umiling-iling ako. “L-Let me go, please?” I pleaded, trying desperately to wriggle out of his grasp, my voice breaking with each word.

“I already gave you time. Is it not enough?” The pain in his voice was obvious, and it cut through me like a knife.

“I’m in love with you… stop pushing me away…” he added, his words breaking my heart even more. I could feel my heart aching with each confession, the weight of his emotions pressing down on me.

Bakit ba pagdating sa lalaking ’to ay wala akong laban?

Pwede bang hayaan ko ang sarili ko kahit ngayon man lang? Can I be selfish just for once?

I couldn’t stand it any longer and hugged him back. I cried into his chest, feeling his warm hand soothingly stroke my back. His touch was both comforting and overwhelming, and I clung to him as if he was my lifeline.

Hinayaan niya akong umiyak habang nagpapaulan ng matatamis na salita sa aming tenga.

“I love you, Grey. Please, believe me…”

Hanggang sa mapagod akong umiyak.

“For those days that I stopped bothering you, I think about all the things that I’ve done to you and I regret it so deeply.”

Hanggang sa matuyo ang luha sa aking mata.

“Yes, I’m homophobic, but ever since meeting you, I started to change without me realizing it… or maybe I’m too cowardly to face it, which is why I did all of those things to you. But I know it’ll not justify the bad things I’ve done and I guess this is my punishment…”

Hanggang sa maubos ang bigat nang nararamdaman ko.

“I can’t stop thinking of you. I don’t know what you did to me, but I feel like I’m going crazy if I don’t see you.”

And until my doubts and fears finally beginning to wane.

“I know that it’s really hard to believe me. But I’m a better man now… please, love me again…”

Inangat niya ang mukha ko at napapikit ako nang maramdaman ko ang labi niya sa akin.

The moon and the night sky bore witness to how I surrendered to my feelings once more, knowing deep down that, despite all the pain, he’s still be always my remedy.

Chapter 30

SPG

Seduced

Mabilis ang pangyayari. I just found myself in the backseat of Zeus’s sleek sports car, the leather interior cool against my skin as he continued to kiss me with an intensity that made my head spin. His finger seemed almost alive as they trace my neck, sending shivers down my spine.

The heat between us was palpable, and as our lips met in a searing kiss, I could feel the raw desire radiating from the both of us. the warmth of his breath mingled with mine, the sensation intensifying with each passing moment.

The alcohol coursing through my veins, making the heat in my body more overwhelming. my mind struggled to protest but my body responded with the desperate need that I couldn’t control.

My hand moved instinctively to his back, pressing him closer, with a mix of urgency and need. I could feel his erection pressing firmly against my thigh, and it only heightened my own arousal.

Nanlaki ang mata ko sa realisasyon. He’s turned on for me!

A soft moan escaped my lips as his tongue enter my mouth, exploring with a sensuality that made me gasp. His tongue swirled around mine in a passionate dance, and he began to suck gently, creating waves a pleasure that left me breathless.

Mula sa aking leeg ay bumaba ang kamay niya sa aking dibdib. Itinaas niya ang sweater ko at halos mahimatay ako sa kuryente nang hawakan niya ang nipple ko.

He played with my nipple using his fingers, his touch both tender and demanding. my breathing grew ragged, my anticipation mounting with every second.

“Z-Zeus…” I moaned his name, and I felt him smile against my lips.

“Found your weakness…” pilyo niyang sinabi at hindi siya nakuntento sa paglalaro ng nipple ko gamit ang daliri niya at nagawa niya pang ibaba ang mukha niya kapantay ng hubad kong dibdib para lang sipsipin ’yon.

“Oh my god!” I gasped, my hands tangling in his hair as I tried to hold onto my sanity.

What are you doing to me, Zeus?

My body was on fire as electricity coursed through me. I could hardly focus, caught between the conflicting sensations of his touch and my own overwhelming pleasure.

Ngayon ko lang nalaman na sobrang sensitibo pala ng parte kong iyon!

“Z-Zeus, stop….” ungol ko ngunit ang kamay ko ay parang may sariling buhay na dinidiin pa siya lalo sa dibdib ko.

His other hand traveled to my bulge, and he began to massage it with a deft touch. I gasped, trying to remove it but my body too weak to resist.

Umangat ang mata niya sa akin at halos matupok ako sa pagbabaga n’on. “You don’t want it?” tanong niya ngunit ang kamay ay patuloy parin sa paghaplos n’on.

Halos mahilo ako sa sobrang liyo na nararamdaman. Hindi ako nakapag-focus dahil sa ginagawa niya. Hindi ko alam kung saan ibabaling ang mata ko. Kung sa mata ba niya o sa kamay niyang pinaglalaruan ang umbok ko.

I bit my lip, my face flashed with embarrassment. “Nakakahiya, Zeus…” I admitted, my voice barely a whisper.

Napatigil siya sa ginagawa at namamanghang tumingin sa akin. He then burst into laughter.

“You’re so fucking cute, I can’t wait to enter you.” bulgar niyang sinabi at pakiramdam ko ay sasabog ang mukha ko sa sobrang init.

I covered my face with both hands, but he gently removed them, his gaze locked onto mine as he moved closer.

“Stop covering your face. I want to see your face covered in pleasure.” dagdag niya pa at muli akong hinalikan.

He then began to unzip my pants, his movement swift and practice. As he pulled them down, I felt the cool air against my bare shaft, only to be replaced by the warmth of his hand

“So fucking wet…” bulong niya at nagsimulang paglaruan iyon.

Hindi ko na alam ang magiging reaksyon ko ngunit alam kong titig na titig siya sakin. Gusto ko siyang itulak sa sobrang hiya ngunit hindi ko mapigilan umungol dahil sa ginagawa niya sa baba ko.

The pleasure was too intense to ignore.

I arched my back, biting my lips so hard I thought it would bleed. My eyes rolled back as I moaned, lost in the overwhelming sensation.

“Come for me, baby…” Zeus whispered in my ear, his breath hot and tantalizing.

He showered my ear, neck and lips with soft kisses, each one sending waves a pleasure through me.

Hindi ko na nakayanan. With a long, shuddering moan, I felt my body tighten as I reached my climax. My toes curled, and I experienced a release so intense it left me feeling disoriented.

Oh my god.

My cheeks felt flushed and red as my stomach felt taut and tingly. I couldn’t meet Zeus’s gaze until he chuckled darkly.

“That’s too many…” komento niya at nakita kong kumuha siya ng tissue sa dashboard para punasan ang kamay niya.

Siya narin ang nagpunas ng akin at isinuot pabalik ang underwear at pants ko.

Tinakpan ko ang mukha ko dahil sa hiya. Parang bigla ay nagising ako sa kahibangan ko at nawala ang alak sa sistema ko.

“I said stop covering your face, Grey.” Zeus’s voice cut through my embarrassment, his tone firm but gentle.

I slowly withdrew my hand, feeling a wave of embarrassment wash over me. I couldn’t meet his gaze and instead looked away, my voice barely above a whisper. “I’m sorry…” I said, my tone trembling as I tried to adjust my position on the seat.

Without a moment’s hesitation, he moved closer and wrapped his arm around me in a comforting embrace, pulling me gently to his side.

Uminit ang puso ko sa ginawa niya.

“Why are you sorry?” he asked, his brows furrowed. He tilted his head slightly, his eyes locking onto mine with a penetrating gaze, as if trying to understand me.

I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks as I focused on my fingers, nervously fidgeting with the edge of my sweater. The hem of the sweater was now a point of fixation for me, a way to avoid the intensity of his stare.

“Because you did that… that dirty thing to me. And I don’t want you to do it again…” I said, my voice growing softer and more hesitant as I spoke. The words felt heavy on my tongue, and by the end, my voice was almost inaudible.

The playfulness that had earlier danced in his eyes vanished instantly, replaced by a serious and somewhat wounded expression. It was as if my words had offended him.

“What dirty thing are you talking about, Grey? What the fuck are you referring to?” he asked, his tone now tinged with frustration and confusion.

I bit my lip, trying to steady myself. “Your sister… she told me everything. She explained how your hatred for gays started and what happened to you when you were younger. She shared the pain and the trauma you went through…”

His face contorted with distress as he closed his eyes tightly, muttering an expletive under his breath. “Son of…” His voice trailed off as he leaned back, still keeping his hand on my waist.

“I’m really sorry…” I repeated, my voice is full of regret. “I shouldn’t have confessed my feelings to you… I shouldn’t have come to your school, and I definitely shouldn’t have approached you. It was wrong of me to put myself in your path like this…”

He looked at me with an intensity that was both piercing and filled with anguish. “What are you saying, Grey? Stop this! If you’re regretting meeting me because of that accident from years ago, then just forget it! Yes, I was abused! But it wasn’t you who hurt me! In fact, you’re the one who helped me heal and open my heart again to people like you!”

Gamit ang isa niyang kamay, sinapo niya ang mukha ko para ipaharap sa kanya. Sinandal niya ang noo niya sa akin at pumikit na para bang hirap na hirap.

“Let’s just forget about the past. I don’t care about that anymore. The most important thing for me now is you… so please… give me a chance to prove myself properly this time,” sabi niya. “Please, Grey?” His voice was in pain as he pleaded.

Tears began to stream down my cheeks, and I nodded in response to his plea. Despite the doubts, fears, and emotional turmoil I had been experiencing, I knew there would come a moment when I would surrender to my feelings.

And now, that moment had arrived. I was giving in. Even if it meant risking further hurt, at least I would have experienced the joy of loving and being loved in return.

Kahit na alam kong walang kasiguraduhan at siguro ay panandalian lamang.

Zeus gently wiped my tears away, his touch soothing against my skin as I allowed myself to fully gaze at him. His face was so close, and I could see every detail of it with clarity.

He was incredibly handsome, more so than I had ever imagined. I could gaze at his face for hours without ever growing tired of it.

With his low fade haircut, complemented by his thick eyebrows and long eyelashes, his deep-set steel blue eyes held a magnetic quality. His sharp nose and angular features created a striking profile, and his thin red lips, though not overly full, had a sensual allure that drew me in.

Tumagal ang titig ko roon at mukhang napansin niya kaya natawa siya ng mahina.

“Don’t stare at me like that. I’m getting hard again,” he teased playfully. I quickly pushed him away, feeling the heat of embarrassment rise in my cheeks.

His face broke into a mischievous grin. “Baby… I already stopped myself from taking you right here in this cramped place because I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable. But if you insist, then…” His voice trailed off, trying to tease me.

Marahas akong umiling at mabilis na sumagot. “No, thank you!”

He laughed, a warm and genuine sound, and then leaned in to press a soft kiss against my lips. His eyes, now slightly glazed and full of affection, looked deeply into mine.

“You’re really good at seducing me, huh?” he said with a sultry smile.

“Wala naman akong ginagawa?” nagtataka kong sinabi.

He flashed a playful grin at me, his eyes twinkling with amusement. “Even if you’re not doing anything, I’m still seduced.”

Chapter 31

Condo

My first month at my new school was going smoothly. I hadn’t made any close friends yet, but my classmates were kind and easy to get along with.

“I’ll be dividing you into groups of three for a research project, so be prepared…” our professor announced from the front of the classroom. One by one, he called out names until I heard mine: “Castro, Samson, and Figueroa.”

The names didn’t ring a bell, so I glanced around the room, hoping to spot them—but no one seemed to react. I couldn’t tell who they were.

I stayed in my seat, waiting for further instructions.

“You can go to your assigned groups now. I’ll give you time until dismissal to discuss your work,” he said.

Tatayo na sana ako para hanapin sila nang may lumapit sa aking lalaki. He had messy hair, wore glasses, and carried a casual confidence with him. “Castro, right?” he asked, flashing a friendly smile that showed off his perfectly white teeth.

I smiled back, relieved. “Yeah,” sagot ko.

“My name’s Austin, and that’s Samson,” he said, nodding toward a girl walking toward us, hugging her notebook like it was a shield.

She stopped in front of us and gave a small nod. “Hi, I’m Lia,” she said softly, barely making eye contact.

“Nice to meet you both,” I said, trying to sound more confident than I actually felt.

Naghanap kami ng bakanteng upuan sa likod ng room at napagdesisyunang umupo roon. I opened my notebook, ready to jot down ideas as we started planning.

It was still too early to tell, but something about this group felt right. I had a feeling I’d actually enjoy working with them.

Saktong dismissal ay natapos kami. We said our goodbyes, and as I gathered my things, I bit my lip to stop a smile from forming.

Dumaan muna ako ng banyo para tignan ang itsura ko, a little routine I’d gotten used to.

I fixed my hair, smoothed out the wrinkles on my shirt, and took a deep breath. Para akong maiihi kahit hindi naman. My heart was racing, and a faint flush colored my cheeks. It wasn’t nervousness, it was excitement. I knew exactly why I felt that way.

Kinalma ko ang sarili at lumakad na palabas ng building. Each step felt light, almost like I was floating. Halos takbuhin ko na ang distansya papunta sa gate, para lang makalabas agad.

And just as I’ve thought, his infamous red car was already parked right in front of the gate. I couldn’t help but giggle silently as I walked toward it, butterflies fluttering in my stomach.

The window rolled down, revealing his handsome face. His smile was warm and familiar. “Hi, baby…” he said as I got closer. His voice nearly made me stumble.

Agad akong umikot at pumasok sa passenger seat. The moment I sat down, I was greeted by the warmth of his lips.

“Hmmm…” I let out a soft sound, caught off guard as his tongue explored my mouth. “Zeus…” I breathed, my body growing weak as I gently pushed him back.

He pulled away slightly, our faces still close—so close my eyes almost crossed trying to focus on him. “Still can’t handle my kiss, huh?” he teased, grinning. I couldn’t even answer.

“I missed you…” he murmured, more serious now, his hand softly caressing my cheek.

Ilang araw na kaming nagkikita ng ganito, pero hindi pa rin ako nasasanay sa ginagawa niya. He always left me breathless.

I felt my face heating up again as I tried to meet his gaze, but just like always, I failed.

“I-I missed you, too…” I mumbled, eyes dropping to the floor of the car.

He chuckled lowly, a deep sound that sent chills down my spine before pulling me into another embrace.

“Really, Grey? We’ve been doing this for a month now and you’re still shy around me?” aniya, natatawa.

“Sorry…” tangi kong nasabi. He couldn’t really blame me. Months ago, he just almost killed me because of my feelings.

I still can’t believe that this is where we are now. Everything feels so fast, but I’m happy.

Still, my worries keep lingering. I don’t even know what we are. I’m scared to ask. And I have no idea how to tell my parents or what’ll happen if both our families find out.

“What are you thinking about, hmm?” he asked, pulling back slightly and gazing into my eyes.

I could feel my cheeks burning up. Umiwas ako ng tingin at bahagya ko siyang tinulak.

“Nothing.”

“Then why can’t you look me in the eyes?”

I sighed and forced myself to meet his gaze. “I’m okay, Zeus. I just missed you.” I smiled, hoping it would reassure him.

Siguro, dapat makuntento muna ako sa kung ano kami ngayon. I should just be grateful—my feelings are reciprocated. I can hold him, kiss him, be with him like this. It used to be just a fantasy, but now… I’m free to do what I want.

“Where do you want to eat?” he asked while maneuvering the car.

“Hmmm… fast food?” I said and my eyes are on his other hand that was playing with mine.

He frowned. “Fast food again? That’s unhealthy, Grey. Do you want me to cook for you?”

My eyes lit up. “You can cook?!” I asked, surprised. He laughed at my reaction.

“Of course, baby. I live independently, so I had to learn.”

“You’re not living with your parents?”

He shook his head. “Nope. I have my own condo. I only go home sometimes when Papa wants to see me.”

“Wow.” I couldn’t hide my awe. I wanted to ask more, but something about him, the way he carried himself, made it hard. It felt like there was a wall I couldn’t cross yet.

“So… do you want me to cook for you? We can eat at my condo.”

Nanlaki ang mata ko sa huling sinabi niya. His condo? My pulse quickened. I couldn’t hide my nerves, and he noticed immediately.

“Hey! You don’t have to be nervous. We’re not going to do anything. Kakain lang tayo,” he said with a laugh. My cheeks flamed.

“I didn’t say anything!”

He grinned. “Your face tells me otherwise.”

“Zeus!” I protested, pulling my hand away. Parang gusto kong magtago sa ilalim ng lupa.

It’s not that I’m thinking that way! I was just… overthinking.

“I’m just kidding,” he said, still laughing. He reached for my hand again and held it gently.

“To my condo, then?” he asked after a few moments of silence.

“Okay…” I answered, finally calm again. I took out my phone to text my mom that I’d be home late.

Ako: Ma, male-late lang po ako ng uwi ngayon. Kakain lang kami ng mga kaklase ko sa labas. I love you.

I bit my lip before pressing send. Guilt tugged at my chest. It was just a small lie, a white lie, and I promised myself I’d tell them everything… not now, but soon.

I sent the same message to Daddy Casthan, then put my phone away and looked out the window.

I watched the cars and people outside, everything moving so fast while my thoughts felt stuck. I noticed that the sky was getting darker, I can’t help to sighed.

I told myself it wasn’t a big deal, just a small lie. They’d understand once I explained everything… someday.

The car turned into the condominium parking area, the guard giving a quick nod as the gate lifted open.

Tahimik lang akong nakatingin sa labas habang bumababa kami sa basement parking. The fluorescent lights above reflected against the glossy surface of Zeus’s red car, making everything feel colder, quieter. My chest tightened for reasons I couldn’t explain.

Pagkababa namin ng sasakyan, agad niyang kinuha ang kamay ko. Natural na natural sa kaniya ang kilos na iyon, na para bang matagal na naming ginagawa. Ako naman, hanggang ngayon, hindi pa rin sanay.

We stepped inside the elevator, and the doors slid shut behind us.

Bigla akong naging aware sa liit ng espasyo. It was just the two of us, standing too close in the silence. I could feel Zeus staring at me again.

Sumulyap ako sa kaniya, only to find his eyes already fixed on me.

Mabilis akong umiwas ng tingin.

“May dumi ba sa mukha ko?” biro ko, pilit pinapagaan ang pakiramdam kong parang sasabog ang dibdib ko sa kaba.

“Wala naman,” he said, voice low and calm. “You’re just so fucking beautiful, I can’t stop staring at you.”

Nanlaki ang mata ko.

I felt heat crawl up my neck all the way to my cheeks. Tumawa ako nang alanganin para itago ang epekto niya sa akin.

“Tigilan mo nga ako,” depensa ko, bahagyang itinulak ang balikat niya.

He only smirked. “I’m telling the truth.”

Napailing ako at napakagat sa labi. Hindi ko talaga alam kung paano siya sasagutin sa tuwing ganito siya. Compliments from him always felt dangerous.

One sentence from Zeus and suddenly I forgot how to breathe.

Buti na lang bumukas na ang elevator.

“Saved by the bell,” bulong ko sa sarili.

“What was that?” he asked, amused.

“Nothing.”

Lumabas kami sa hallway, and I immediately fell silent.

The place was clean, quiet, and expensive-looking. Soft lights lined the walls, and the floor was polished enough to reflect our footsteps. It smelled faintly of wood and fresh linen. Everything about it screamed elegance.

Zeus stopped in front of a dark-colored door and entered a code before pushing it open.

“Welcome to my place,” he said casually.

That made my heart skip. I can’t believe na makakapasok ako dito. It feels like I’m invading his privacy and I don’t deserve it.

Pagpasok ko ay agad gumala ang mata ko sa paligid.

His condo was spacious and spotless. Floor-to-ceiling windows showed the city outside, now glowing under the evening lights. A sleek gray couch sat in the center, a glass table in front of it, and shelves lined neatly with books and random decorations. It looked like something straight out of a magazine.

“Wow…” I whispered before I could stop myself.

He chuckled behind me. “That impressed?”

“Oo naman,” sagot ko habang dahan-dahang umiikot para mas mapagmasdan pa ang paligid. “I like the design.”

“I like you more,” kumindat siya bago ako nilagpasan.

I covered my face with both hands as I felt it heating up again. I couldn’t believe how easily he could say things like that. Bawat salita niya may sariling epekto sa akin.

“Grey,” he called.

Dahan-dahan kong ibinaba ang mga kamay ko at sumilip sa kaniya. He was already in the kitchen, loosening the sleeves of his polo as if he belonged in every space he stepped into.

“Make yourself comfortable,” he said. “This is your place too.”

And just like that, I felt myself falling harder and harder for him