The Man In Red Suit

The Rozovsky Heirs Series 6: The Man In Red Suit

✨

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THIS BOOK IS FOR MATURE READERS ONLY. IT CONTAINS FLAWED CHARACTERS, PROBLEMATIC SCENES AND EVOLVE ON A VERY DARK THEME. READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED. (R18)

NO SOFT COPIES.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author.

This book is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locations and incidents are products of the author's imaginations. Any resemblance to actual persons, things, living or dead, locales or events is entirely coincidental.

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Date Started Writing: September 01, 2022
Date Finished: February 13, 2023

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2023 © 

CengCrdva

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# Synopsis

Synopsis

Saryna Esquire Rozovsky enjoys a lavish and liberated life in contrary of her older siblings. Being the youngest in the family, she was the one whom her parents spoiled the most. 

They gave her everything she wants. They let her do whatever she likes and even if her family doesn't agree to the idea of how she was living her life, being the youngest always get her out of trouble.

Being a Rozovsky was already an advantage, but having the most beautiful face and body at their university was a whole new level. Saryna was the standard to all the boys. She was so used to men bending their knees in front of her just to get a taste, but her routine was to only pick, choose, and dump. Until one day everything changes when she finally meet the man in red suit.

Raglan Hozier De Luca, the impeccable bodyguard his father hired to make sure she wouldn't do something stupid after series of scandal she already brought to the Rozovksy family. And the only man who wouldn't succumb to her irresistible charm.

After their world's collided, will she still get in any trouble while he is around? Or was Raglan enough to be a trouble to Saryna and the whole Rozovsky clan?

# PROLOGUE

Prologue

It was all about fun and games and just feeding my wildness after the man I had my eyes on rejected me. It was all about comforting my fucking ego, but I didn't expect for things to turn up-side down the same day I confessed to my cousin about getting sexually assaulted by a random stranger.

"I-I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it Saryna..."

"What do you mean, Damien?! Why?! Just why?!" paulit-ulit iyong isinisigaw ng nanginginig kong mga labi habang siya naman ay paulit-ulit ring sinasambit ang mga katagang iyon.

My hands were shaking. My foot on the accelerator was becoming numb. My tears were uncontrollably falling from my eyes. Putang ina, umiiyak ako! Para bang iyon na lang ang kaya kong gawin ngayon!

All I could hear was the constant screaming in my head. Nabibingi ako kahit na wala namang ibang sinasabi si Damien at mahina lang ang boses niya sa loob ng aming sinasakyan. Hindi ko na maintindihan ang sarili ko pero mas lalo pa akong hindi napakali nang sunod na marinig ang sunod-sunod na putok ng baril na tumama at bumasag sa likurang salamin ng sasakyang aking minamaneho.

"Shit! shit!"

My heart jumped on my throat after seeing two black SUV chasing us! Hindi lang iyon ang nagpapabaliw sa akin kung hindi ang isiping ang mga armadong humahabol sa amin ni Damien ay walang ibang gagawin kung hindi ang patayin kami! And we can't do anything but to outrun them!

"S-Saryna t-they are chasing us. T-they're going to kill us, Saryna!"

"I know Damien! I fucking know that! Fuck!"

"Do something! Please don't let them catch us! Please help me!"

Without a doubt, I stepped on the accelerator. Mabilis naming naiwan ang mga sasakyang humahabol kahit na nakailang putok pa sila ng baril sa amin. Good thing Damien brought his sports car because if not, we're totally screwed.

My heart was pounding hard. Bukod sa mga luha ay kahit na malamig ang sasakyan ay pinagpapawisan ako ng malagkit. The air smells blood, too. Everything was making me puke, but I had to continue driving fast! Kahit na hindi ko na makita sa rear view ang mga SUV ay hindi ko binagalan ang pagpapatakbo. Damien continued begging me to save us. Kung kanina ay tulala lang siya at hindi pa rin makapaniwala sa mga nangyari at nagawa, ngayon ay umiiyak na rin itong muli gaya ko.

The sight of him crying stabbed me right in the chest. Mas lalo akong naluha sa kalagayan niya. Then comes guilt after the realization that it was my fault. Everything was my fault. Siya man ang gumawa at may dahilan ng gulong ito pero sa akin nagsimula ang lahat. Ako ang may kasalanan at wala akong ibang dapat gawin ngayon kung hindi ang protektahan siya.

Nanginginig ang kamay kong pilit na kinuha ang aking telepono sa aking bag. Damien's hand stopped me.

"Saryna no. J-just drive please—"

"Stop it Damien! We are in danger and we need back up! Kailangan natin si Daddy at hindi ang mga rules mo pagdating sa kalsada!"

"No! Please no! Don't call them! Please don't let them know!"

"Damien—"

"Uncle Patek! Call Uncle Patek instead!"

"Damien!"

Imbes na pakinggan ako ay marahas niyang hinablot sa akin ang aking cell phone. He dialed Uncle Patek's phone number and seconds later, the man was already on the line.

"I-I need you. S-Saryna and I need you Uncle Pats, please help us. Please help."

I let him them talk for a moment. Nag-focus akong muli sa pagmamaneho kahit na hindi ko na alam kung saan pa kami patungo. Pakiramdam ko kahit na matino ang utak ko at wala ni isang patak ng alak o hithit ng marijuana ngayon ay lasing at high na high ako.

I felt like everything was in slow motion even though I was driving almost two hundred miles per hour. I could feel and even hear my own blood rushing all over my body. My senses were very active that everything hurts. Kahit ang hangin ng aircon na tumatama sa mukha at katawan ko ay parang mga karayom na tumutusok sa aking balat. 

I don't know how long I was driving on the express way while bawling my eyes out until I stopped and saw Raglan Hozier. My bodyguard, the man in his fucking stupid lame red suit who also chased us and found us.

I blanked out after storming out of the car to face him. I screamed, cursed, and slapped him repeatedly. Hindi ko na makontrol ang aking sarili. My whole body was shaking. I was so mad and I am a mess! Wala na akong gustong gawin kung hindi ang saktan siya at kung hindi pa ako pinigilan ni Damien ay hindi iyon matatapos.

"I hate you! I-I hate you!" Paulit-ulit kong sambit habang pilit akong inilalayo ng pinsan ko rito. 

Seeing him made me realized that it was not my fault but his. Siya ang may kasalanan ng lahat. Siya ang ugat at pinagmulan ng problema at siya ang dapat managot hindi kami ni Damien! Siya lang wala ng iba!

# CHAPTER 1

Chapter One

Saryna Esquire La Casse Rozovsky

"What the hell is this Saryna?!" Ate Nia exclaimed with her cell phone almost touching my face.

Sandaling kumunot ang noo ko para titigan ang kanyang hawak pero agad ring nangisi nang makita ang larawang kasalukuyang nag-ti-trending ngayon. 

It was a photo of me barely naked while kissing a man. We were at a pool party. I was drunk and I probably hit some mj, but hey, it was a party. It was just a normal thing to do pero ang alam kong ang ikinagagalit niya ngayon ay ang posisyon at ginagawa ko sa litratong iyon. 

The guy was holding both of my breast with his thumb on my nipples and it was as if I was enjoying the moment. Nakakagat labi pa ako habang ang lalaki ay parang hingal na hingal at hayok na hayok habang hawak ang katawan ko. Hindi ko na maalala, but maybe I did really enjoyed it. Anyway it was just a one night thing. Nothing really serious at wala naman iyon para sa akin. I've been kissed and touched and that photo was nothing compared to what I really do with boys I like and choose. 

Gumapang ang mga mata ko patungo sa aking mahabang hita. Holy shit! Thanks mom and dad for the good genes! I look so fucking damn hot! I bet boys are jacking off right now because of that photo.

"I look so hot..." nakangisi kong sambit pero agad iyong nabawasan sa muling pagsagot ng kapatid ko, nababaliwan na sa akin.

"Wow you think it's a joke!"

Pinigilan kong mapahalakhak. My head still hurts from the alcohol and marijuana combined, but I won't let her see it. Mas lalo akong sasabunin ng isang 'to kapag nalaman niya pang humithit ako no'n!

"Calm your tits Ate Nia! It's nothing! My body is still covered! You're acting like it was a sex tape!"

"Saryna Esquire!" She spat now the nerves on her forehead were visible, galit na galit na talaga.

Inangat ko ang mga kamay ko tanda ng pagsuko pagkatapos ay pinilit na maging seryoso ang mukha.

"I did nothing wrong. I was drunk and that was just part of me having fun and nothing else, I swear."

"This is definitely not nothing else! Last week you were caught making out with one of your professor—"

"He was just four years older than me and he was hot so I don't think there's a problem. Isa pa, I'm already eighteen and we were both single. Hindi naman siya makukulong, 'di ba? I gave him consent, too. No actually, I was the one who initiated the kiss. And Ate, he's a good kisser—"

"Saryna! Oh my God! You're going to be the death of me!"

I just smiled sweetly at my sister. Nauupos siyang naupo sa aking harapan. Tila ba ubos na ang pag-asang magbabago pa ako. Tumayo ako't lumipat sa kanyang tabi pagkatapos ay malambing siyang niyakap. She was still mad at first. Itinataboy pa ako pero sa huli ay wala na ring magawa. Sino ba naman kasing makakatiis kay Saryna Esquire? No one. Imposible ang bagay na 'yon.

"I'm sorry, okay? I didn't do something stupid aside from having fun. Hindi kami nag-sex. Hell, I didn't even remember that photo so meaning it's not relevant so please stop stressing yourself about it. Let the people talk. Hayaan mong magkaro'n ng hobby ang mga taong walang kwenta ang buhay at ginaganahan na lang sa mga tsismis. Maawa ka sa kanila."

"This is still not good. Eto uzhe slishkom, Saryna." 
This is too much, Saryna.

Humigpit ang yakap ko sa kanya. I even kissed her cheek. "I swear this is already me being good. I'm just having fun ate and nothing else. It's not even a scandal."

"Saryna you just turned eighteen! Baka nakakalimutan mo 'yan."

"Exactly. I am eighteen and I'm old enough to handle myself! Geez, I am not your daughter, Ate Nia."

"Thank God for that!"

Muli akong natawa. I kissed her again on the cheeks.

"Loosen up a bit. It's nothing, I swear. Wala silang makikitang mas malala sa litratong 'yan. We didn't record ourselves fucking."

"Saryna!" 

Napahalakhak na ako nang halos lumuwa ang mga mata niya dahil sa aking mga sinabi. My sister knew me yet she was still surprised with every word that was coming out of my mouth. 

"I didn't fucked him ate ano ka ba! I'm just kidding! Masyado ka namang manang at parang diring-diri sa usapang sex! Don't tell me you're still a—"

"Saryna your mouth, pozhaluysta!"

Doon na ako napahalaklak. Yep, Ate Nia was definitely still a virgin. 

"Wait 'till your father knows about it." she said now rolling her eyes at me.

"Oh trust me, dad will not say anything bad about it. I don't think he'll care, too. Besides, bata pa rin sila ni mommy nang ikasal. I bet they fucked right after they got married or even before that. Mom was kind of hot and definitely fuckable so I think dad will not waste a single breath waiting for a dumb ceremony..."

Hindi ko na naituloy pa ang mga sasabihin dahil sa pag-wa-walk out ng kapatid ko. Natawa na lang ako nang takpan niya ang mga tainga habang naglalakad palabas ng aking silid.

Nang mawala siya't tumahimik ang kabuuan ng aking kwarto ay napabuntong-hininga na lang ako. I let my head rest on the couch. Umangat ang aking kamay upang masahiin ang aking sintido. 

Damn it fucking hurts. Ano ba kasing mga tinira ko kagabi?

Kahit na nananakit ang ulo at pagod na pagod ang buong katawan ay nagpapasalamat pa rin akong wala nang Rozovsky ang pumasok sa aking silid para kastiguhin ako. Maybe Ate Somerset and Kuya Nio wasn't around. And I thank God for it. Baka masakal na ako ni Ate Somerset sa mga kabalbalan ko. Kuya Nio would scold me, too, but I don't think he'll care that much. Kahit siya lang ang nag-iisang lalaki sa tahanang ito maliban kay Daddy ay masyado niya rin akong mahal para pagalitan. Sa mga babaeng kapatid lang talaga ako namumuro. Minsan nga ay gusto ko nang tanungin si mommy kung sa kanya ba talaga ako nanggaling o sa mga ate ko.

Napapitlag ako nang tumunog ang aking telepono. Tamad akong tumayo para balikan iyon sa aking kama. Imbes na maibsan ang sakit ng ulo ay mas lalo lang yata iyong bumigat nang makita ang pangalan ng pinsan kong tumatawag. Tamad kong binagsak ang aking katawan pabalik sa kama bago iyon sagutin.

"Hi Damdam! I miss you and I love you! What's up?" I answered sweetly.

I heard him click his tongue on the other line. Yep, he already saw the photo at ngayon ay disappointed na rin gaya ni ate Nia pero nananatili pa ring kalmado. I mean it's Damien. The one and only saint among the Rozovsky's and my favorite cousin. 

"What is it this time, Saryna?"

"Wala naman. Hindi ba dapat ako ang nagtatanong niyan? What's up with the call? Don't tell me na-mi-miss mo na ako dahil busy ako lately?"

"Ate Soms called me. Anong oras ka na umuwi kagabi?"

I chuckled. "Mabuti nga umuwi pa ako."

"That is not funny Saryna."

I heave a sigh and tried to be serious. "Five am I think."

"All by yourself?"

"Uh-huh. You know I hate making kuya Pancho wait for me and besides, kaya ko namang mag-drive pauwi."

"Drunk? You know that's illegal and you're not supposed to drive while under the influence."

"Jeez, Damien. I'm already home. Lipas na, tapos na, done!"

"Still, hindi ka pwedeng magmaneho nang nakainom, Saryna. You already know that. It's not only you you're putting in danger, but all these people."

Napapikit ako ng mariin. Mabuti na lang at wala siya ngayon sa harapan ko dahil kung hindi ay baka lumuhod na ako sa harapan niya lubayan niya lang ako ngayon. I know he will not stop until I owe up to my mistakes kaya kahit na labag sa kalooban ko ay ginawa ko na lang rin para kay Damien. I hate making him angry. Sa lahat ay sa kanya lang yata ako tumitiklop kahit kaunti dahil alam kong gano'n rin siya sa akin. He is my person and I hate disappointing him.

"Fine, I'm sorry."

"That's it?'

"And I will not do it again."

It was his turn to heave a sigh. "I'll pretend that I believe you, Saryna. Alam ko namang hindi mo gagawin dahil napakatigas ng ulo mo."

"Alam mo naman pala gusto mo pang marinig." I murmured, but he still heard it.

"Not funny."

"Sorry na nga. Hindi ko na nga uulitin ngayong month. Mga next month na lang ulit."

"You want me to laugh?"

I rolled my eyes. I'm frustrated because I know he was not playing with me this time. Paano ba namang hindi siya magagalit eh ngayong linggo pa lang ay apat na ang naging atraso ko sa buong pamilya ko.

My parents and siblings was not happy about how I was living my life but eventually, they let go of that burden. Hinahayaan na lang ako dahil alam naman nilang kayang-kaya ko ang sarili ko pero sa lahat ay si Damien yata ang hindi nakakalimot. He even has notes of what I did wrong since I was in pre-school. Gano'n katindi ang isang ito pagdating sa akin.

"I said I'm sorry, okay? Hindi na mauulit."

"You already said that last Wednesday."

"Mne zhal', Damien Alfonso. YA obeshchayu, chto budu vesti sebya." 
I'm sorry, Damien Alfonso. I promise that I will behave.

I said in Russian dahil iyon na lang yata ang hindi ko pa nasasabi sa kanya ngayong buwan.

Muli siyang napabuntong-hininga sa kabilang linya. Imbes na ma-stress pa ay lumuwag na ang pakiramdam ko dahil doon. That means he was yielding. Kabisado ko na ang mga ganito niya at kahit naman siya ang pinakahindi nakakalimot sa lahat ng mga atraso ko ay gaya ng pamilya ko ano pa mang kagaguhan ay tanggap na tanggap pa rin ako.

"That guy wasn't even you type. He's too short for you. What were you thinking."

I laughed at that. "Hindi ko na talaga maalala. I was high I think. Did you know who took the photos?"

"Yes. Do you want me to ask someone to delete it?"

"Nah, just let them. Besides, it was a good photo of me, Damien. Let them boys go crazy about it."

I heard him '
tsked
' again. Muli akong napahalakhak.

"Want to come to a party later? Kapag sumama ka for sure mas magiging behave ako at hindi mo na ako tatawagan kinabukasan para pagalitan kasi ikaw na mismo ang magbabantay sa akin at—hello?! Damien?!"

Natigil ako sa pagsasalita nang luminaw ang ilang beep sa kabilang linya tanda ng pagbaba niya sa akin ng telepono. Imbes na magalit at tawagan siyang muli at napailing na lang ako't natawa.

Classic Damien.

# CHAPTER 2

Chapter Two

Dead And Gone

"Dating gawi kuya Pancho. I'll give you one thousand just don't wait for me here."

Napakamot sa ulo ang aking driver pero nang iabot ko na ang isang libo sa kanya ay nawala na rin ang pag-aalinlangan sa kanya.

"Saryna baka malaman na ng daddy mo at sisantehin na ako."

"Kuya Pancho, you know that's not going to happen, right? Akong bahala sa 'yo. Hindi ka nga hinanap man lang noong nakaraan, 'di ba? You're still safe, I promise you."

Muli siyang napakamot sa ulo kaya natawa na ako.

"Fine. Here's another one thousand. Parang kailangan mo na ng shampoo for the parasite in your head! You're scratching it like crazy lately! Gamutin mo na bago mo pa ako mahawaan!"

"Hindi naman dahil sa kuto ito Saryna! Naknang bata ka naman! Wala akong kuto! Dahil sa 'yo ito dahil nangungunsumi na ako."

Imbes na pahabain pa ang usapan ay tinapik ko na lang ang balikat niya.

"Just don't wait for me here. Go to the mall or something. Kung kulang pa 'yan tawagan mo na lang ako so I can GCash you some money.  Marami akong pera."

"Bakit ba kasi hindi ako pwede rito maghintay sa 'yo?"

"I'm not going to my class at may lakad ako ngayon with a friend kaya mabo-bored ka rito kahihintay. And you know I hate making you wait kahit pa 'yan ang utos sa 'yo ni daddy. Just go somewhere else. Tatawag na lang ako kapag magpapasundo na ako."

"Saan ka ba? Baka pwedeng ihatid na kita para panatag naman ako."

"No thanks. My friend brought his sports car." Sabi ko sabay turo sa itim at kumikinang na sports car na papalapit sa aming direksiyon. 

Bago pa siya makapagsalitang muli ay nakalabas na ako ng sasakyan. Mabilis ang mga hakbang ko para salabungin ang sasakyan. My smile widened when the glass rolled down.

Inside was a senator's son whom I just met last week. He message me through instagram. Natabunan kaya hindi ko kaagad nabasa. If I just read it the moment he slid into my dm's, baka hindi nangyari ang eskandalong dahilan para muntik na akong masakal ng mga ate ko.

"Get inside, baby." Aga said while smirking. 

Nagmamadali naman akong umibis papasok doon. I gave him a kiss on the cheek when I got inside but he pulled me for a proper french kiss. Hinayaan kong laplapin niya ang mga labi ko. He wasn't a good kisser so I had to move mine just to let him know how to do it well. Napangisi ako nang mapaungol siya.

In all fairness, kung makikita lang ito ni Damien ay alam kong magiging tikom ang bibig nito ngayon. Aga fits all the criteria and aside from being good-looking and rich, he was tall and he smells so damn good, too, so it was definitely a ten over ten for me.

"Subic or in my house?"

"Is your house quiet?"

He nodded, now driving away from the university.

"Your house then."

"Alright." Mas lumawak ang ngiti niyang akala mo ay naka-jackpot ng pinakamalaking premyo sa lotto.

We had some casual conversation while we were on the way to his house, but I didn't expect it to be far. Papunta na kaming South ay hindi pa rin kami nakakarating. Hinayaan ko lang. I doubt that he'll kill me if he was that kind of guy, but if he was a killer or some sort of a psycho, Aga knows what will happen to him once he do me wrong. Apelyido ko pa lang ay sapat na para alagaan niya ako. And that was what he did.

He was talker so I made him shut up by letting him fuck me. Even so, I was still irritated because he was loud in bed. Sa lahat ng ayaw ko ay ang maingay kaya hindi na nagkaroon ng round two.

I lit a cigarette while he was on the shower. Banidoso ang lalaki at halos nakipag-unahan pa sa akin kaya hinayaan ko na lang. I just used wet wipes to clean myself. Ayaw ko namang sabayan siyang maligo dahil baka kung saan pa mapunta. Yes he was a ten, but his loudness in bed and his poor stamina made him a two. His dick was also an average so it wasn't worth it. 

Ibinuga ko ang usok na nasa aking bibig pagkatapos ay prenteng naupo sa isang silyang naroon. 

Mabuti na lang at maganda't tahimik nga ang lugar niya. Ang gago ay dinala ako sa Laguna. His home was just in front of a lake and it was peaceful. Iyon na lang ang pambawi niya dahil kung pagdating sa sex ay negative zero talaga siya sa akin.

I closed my eyes and let the cold breeze of air and silence hugged my body. 

Ahhh, serenity... peace from within... and something money couldn't buy.

Sa buwan na ito ay hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang libong salita nang pagalit na ang narinig ko sa mga kapatid ko. I may not heard anything from my parents but the look on their face and their reaction of how I was living my life was enough to tell me how disappointed they are. 

Gayunpaman, hindi ako magawang pagalitan dahil ayaw nilang mas magwala ako. I am their youngest child. Everyone's favorite. And whatever I want, I will have. Even if that wasn't fit to people's standard. Even if the way I live my life was making everybody raise their eyebrows, I don't fucking care. Sanay na akong masabihan na masyadong akong liberated at pakawala. That even if my family weren't religious and being like this was already expected, some people was still turned off of my lifestyle. 

I lost my virginity at a young age and I wasn't proud of that, but that doesn't mean I am not worthy of respect only a virgin girl should have. Masyado nga siguro akong naging pakawala at iresponsable pero hindi ibig sabihing dapat mababa na ang tingin sa mga babaeng nagkamali gaya ko. 

Every women should be treated equal regardless of their preferences and wrong choices in life. Kung gustong i-preserve ang pagkababae, then people should respect it. Kung hindi naman, then people should respect it too and bear no judgement.

I was just reckless and stupid back then, but that Saryna was already dead and gone. Ang Saryna ngayon ay wala nang pakialam sa mga sasabihin ng iba. Kung ang mga magulang ko ngang nagpapalamon sa akin ay mahal na mahal pa rin ako sa kabila ng mga nagawa ko, bakit naman ako magpapaapekto sa mga taong wala na ngang ambag sa buhay ko ay puro tsismis at paninira lang ang gusto?

Instead of pleasing them, I made them hate me more by just doing what I want to do with my life. Because at the end of the day, it should always be me who supposed to be pleased and not anyone else. Ako lang dapat. Ang kasiyahan ko lang dapat at ng mga mahal ko sa buhay ang mahalaga at wala nang iba. Fuck people. Fuck everyone who has a hobby of making others feel small and not worth it. Walang perpekto sa mundong ito at wala ni sino man ang dapat umastang walang kapintasan.

Some people will hate you anyway regardless of what you do so just do whatever the hell you want and let them waste their time watching you win while they rot being miserable.

Nababaliwan akong napangisi sa aking mga pinag-iisip. I continued puffing my cigarette until Aga came out of the bathroom.

He made me some coffee. Pagkatapos no'n ay inihatid niya na ako sa university bago pa bumaba ang araw. I had a nice time with the guy. He was romantic. He even gave me flowers and shit and his place was something I'd miss. 

"Some other time?" Matamis ang ngiti niyang tanong sa akin matapos huminto sa parking lot ng university.

It was just time for my dismissal. Ngumiti ako pabalik at walang sabing dumukwang upang lapatan ng halik ang kanyang mga labing namumula pa rin dahil sa mga halik ko.

"Sure. It was fun. Thank you."

He held my hand and kisses it again. "No, thank you. I really enjoyed every second with you today, Saryna. It has been a while since I've been with someone who made sense the whole time."

"Stop making me blush. Baka hindi na ako makalabas ng sasakyan mo sa laki ng ulo ko."

He chuckled and then let go of my hand. Kinuha niya ang bulaklak at muling ibinigay sa akin. I thanked him again before getting out of his car. 

He honked before finally leaving me. Kumaway pa ako pero agad na nalaglag ang mga ngiti matapos niyang mawala sa aking paningin. I then walked to a girl and handed him Aga's gifts.

"S-Saryna—"

"That's yours, now get out of the way."

Nagmamadali namang lumihis ang babae patabi sa aking daraanan, naiwan siyang tulala habang yakap ang mga ibinigay ko pero hindi ko na pinansin. It was rare for me to talk to a nobody. Bilang lang sa daliri na pumansin ako ng mga estudyanteng malayo sa level ko. I was always with the popular kids because I am the most famous girl in the university. Kaya naman ang mga napapansin ko ay talagang nai-starstruck sa akin. 

I walked until I got to the parking lot. Nang matanaw ko na si Kuya Pancho matapos ko siyang i-text kanina na sunduin na ako ay muli akong nangiti. I can't wait to go home. I am tired and I just wanted to sleep. 

Matapos sumakay sa kotse ay agad kong minasahe ang aking batok. Kuya Pancho remained silent. Alam na ang routine ko kapag ganito. Nobody talks to me if I wasn't talking.

I put my hand on my mouth when I yawned. Bago pa ako tuluyang makatulog sa biyahe pauwi ay inilabas ko na ang aking cell phone. I got to my instagram account just to block Aga.

It was a indeed a nice day, but I don't want to do it again.

# CHAPTER 3

Chapter Three

Love, Sex, And Karma

"Who is it?" Damien asked after a long deafening silence.

Nagkita kami kinabukasan sa kanilang bahay. I was bored and I need to lay low on parties and shit because I am getting addicted on joints and I don't want that. I know my father's history and his relationship with drugs and even though I am only using marijuana, hindi ko pa rin gustong maadik. Most especially, I don't want them to know I am using it. Mom will definitely be disappointed.

I glare at him after pulling my shades up. Wala ako sa mood na makipag-usap at gusto lang mag-sunbathing habang hinihintay ang meryendang niluluto ni Auntie Sofia pero sa boses niya ay mukhang hindi niya ako tatantanan hangga't hindi nakukuha ang gusto.

"Who what?"

"Sinong lalaki ang kasama mo kahapon?"

I chuckled sarcastically. "Kailan ka pa naging manghuhula? Or are you just testing me?"

"Stop playing around Saryna. I'm asking you a question."

Ibinaba ko ang aking salamin, nababaliwan na naman sa kanya.

"Wala. Isa pa, sinong may sabing lalaki ang kasama ko?"

"You're not gay and I know your preferences in life so I'm asking you one last time. Who put a hickey on your neck?"

That made me froze! Wala sa sariling natakpan ko ang aking leeg dahil sa kanyang sinabi.

"That piece of a dick..." tinanggal ko ang aking salamin at pagkatapos ay iniharap sa akin para tignan ang tinutukoy niya. I cursed again. "Tangina, may lahing suso ang gagong 'yon."

"Who is he?"

I heave a sigh and finally confessed to him. I told him everything I know about Aga which only took me less than a minute because aside from being a senator's son and him being a zero to me, wala na akong ideya sa buong pagkatao niya.

"Jeez Saryna. You had sex with a guy you knew for what? A day?"

"It's technically a whole week Damdam. Hindi ko lang nabasa ang dm niya ng maaga, but it was on my messages for a week so there's that."

"Even a week is too short for letting someone get into your pants."

"Oh please, I'm here to relax and not be scolded by you. Kotang-kota na ako kila ate Nia at Somerset, pati ba naman ikaw?"

"Because we care for you that's why we are doing this."

"Well, I don't need it. Alam ko na lahat 'yan at mapapagod lang kayo sa kauulit dahil kahit buhusan n'yo ako ng mga words of wisdom ay masyado nang bato ang utak ko. I'm not going to follow anyone just because it's the right thing to do or whatsoever. Kung anong gusto ko,  'yon ang masusunod. And you know that."

"Saryna, you know that's not the right thing to cope up with—"

"Stop it Damien. I know what I want and I don't need your opinion about it. Now give me break."

Napasandal siya ng wala sa oras sa lounger. That gave me two solid minutes of peace. Muli lang akong napapikit nang magsalita siya.

"At least don't forget to use a condom."

"I am doing it safely. I'm not bobo and you know I'm a good picker. Ngayon lang naman naulit. I'm just too stressed lately."

"I am not saying that you are stupid. I'm just concerned. Huwag mong masamain 'yon."

It was my turn to heave a sigh. Umupo ako sa lounger para inumin ang mango shake na dala ng maid. Nang mahimasmasan ako sa usapan ay agad akong lumipat sa tabi niya. Nagulat siya sa aking ginawa pero hindi naman ako itinaboy. He even offered his body when I stretched my arms so I could hug him properly. His warmth and the gentle taps of his hand on my back was enough to comfort all the devils me.

"Thank you, Damdam. I know you're just concerned and I appreciate that, but I am okay. Magsasabi naman ako kapag hindi ako okay, 'di ba? I already promised you that."

"I will always be concerned for you, Saryna. You are my cousin and you deserved so much more than this."

Natatawa akong napaalis sa kanyang bisig. Nangunot naman ang noo niya, bahagyang naiinis dahil alam niyang hindi ko siya siniseryoso.

"Are you going to talk about love, damdam? Because if yes then I want to prepare myself for the clownery." I said and then started internalizing for a laugh.

Naiiling niya akong itinulak palayo sa kanya dahilan para mawalan ako ng espasyo at wala nang magawa kung hindi ang bumalik na lang sa upuan ko. He got up to sit properly on his lounger while I continued nagging.

Uminom na rin siya sa kanyang shake at hinintay akong matapos sa pagsasalita.

"Love is just an illusion. Kung hindi man, balakid lang 'yon sa buhay. It will only ruin your life and definitely your mental health so please, respectfully, I want every cupid to cross my fucking name out."

"Be careful what you wish, Saryna. At huwag ka ring magsasalita ng tapos dahil bilog ang mundo."

Naningkit ang mga mata ko sa kanya. Since when did my cousin believe in love? Yes he was a weird kid growing up and he was always shy and timid, but him talking about love? Something was definitely not right. 

Imbes na makipagtalo pa ay hinayaan ko na lang. The topic itself was making me uncomfortable and nauseous, but even though we were not talking about it, love remained in my thoughts.

I was introduced to love at a very young age. And for me, it was just another excuse so two people could fuck. Para sa akin ay sakit lang 'yon sa ulo at restrictions lang to explore more about yourself and other people around you so it was a hard no for me now. Besides, bakit kailangan pa no'n eh kahit sino naman kaya kong kunin kahit na wala ang bagay na 'yon? And sex without a commitment was the best option for me. No strings attached. Malaya sa buhay. Walang alalahanin. Maraming choices. And that is what I want. Sinong tangang gusto pang pahirapan ang sarili dahil sa kagaguhan ng love na 'yan?

Love? Nah. Just fuck me good and we're cool.

"Are you going to sleep here tonight, Yna?" Auntie Sofia asked sweetly while we were at the dining table. 

Kasama rin namin sa hapag ni Damien ang kanyang amang si Uncle Stanislav at ang mga kapatid. Si Daniel, ang sumunod sa kanya at ang kambal na si Davron at Marishka. 

Sanay na sila sa akin kaya laging handa ang pwesto ko sa kanilang hapag kapag narito ako. Suki ako sa guest room pero hindi ko rin masyadong nagagamit dahil mas komportable ako sa kwarto ni Damien. 

I shook my head before I proceed to answer her question. "I'm going home Auntie. Daddy wants me home tonight. May curfew, pero sinabi kong narito lang naman ako kaya pumayag."

The side of Uncle Stas' lips rose at that. "Your father is getting old fast because of you, Yna. Take it easy will you?"

"Dad, let her enjoy her youth. Mas malala pa nga kayo sa 'min noon, eh." Danny intejects, making me smiled at him.

"That's true. We were once wild, but everything comes with a consequence that's why we're here to guide you so we can all avoid conflicts in the future. Masyado pa kayong maraming kakaining bigas para matuto sa buhay kaya easyhan n'yo lang."

"You're getting old and sentimental, dad. Saryna is wise. She can take care of herself, right Yna?"

"Of course, Danny." Malambing kong sagot sa pinsan ko. 

Tahimik lang si Damien. He probably thinks I'm a clown right now. Alam niyang kahit ano pang sabihin ng mga ito ay hindi talaga ako magtitino at ang usapan namin ni Danny ay purong kagaguhan lang.

Dumami pa ang mga pag-uusap. I thank God his parents didn't talk about the latest news about me and that stupid photo. Kung hindi ay baka doon na lang umikot ang usapan sa hapag. And I will hate that.

Damien drove me home. Niyayaya kong dumaan sa bar kahit ilang shot lang pero hindi ako pinagbigyan. Mabuti na lan rin dahil sa aking pag-uwi ay nakauwi na rin pala si Daddy.

"Dad..." mahigpit na yakap ang iginawad ko sa kanya. I kissed both of his cheeks after hugging him.

Binati naman niya at pinasalamatan si Damien sa paghatid sa akin bago ito nagpaalam pauwi.

Dahil wala akong pasok kinabukasan ay minabuti kong daluhan si daddy sa patio. He was busy with work, but he let me stay. 

"Can I?" I asked, looking at the whiskey in front of him. Akala ko ay tatanggi pero tumango lang ito.

"Drink just enough for your mom to not kill us."

Natawa ako't walang sabi nang sinalinan ang kanyang baso. I took the glass in my mouth and chug it. Hindi na nabigla si daddy doon. Of all his four kids, I am the one who got most of his personality. Masakit rin sa ulo si Ate Soms pero nakikinig pa 'yon lalo na kay mommy kahit paano pero sa akin ay sumusuko sila. 

Daddy was the wildest above them all kaya ngayon ay naiintindihan niya ako at hindi masisi. Ang lahat ng katigasan ng ulo nilang dalawa ni mommy ay ako ang nagmana. And that was something they couldn't control and they wouldn't even try.

"Umiinom rin naman si mommy ng alcohol."

"Yes but not the way you do it. Kahit na napupunta rin sa bar ang mommy mo, hindi naman 'yon mahilig um-attend ng mga party at mas lalo ang magwalwal."

"But you said she got so drunk once and you had to give her a ride."

Napangisi si daddy sa aking sinabi, tila hinila pabalik sa mga panahong hindi pa sila ni mommy at hinahabol pa lang siya nito.

I know everything about my parents. Kung saan sila nagsimula at kung paano napaamo ng isang Soraia Esquire La Casse ang nag-iisa't kinatatakutan ng lahat na Thelonious Auxerre Rozovsky. Their relationship was once just for convenience yet love found them both. Sa sobrang dami ng nangyari sa love story nila ay hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin ako makapaniwalang natagpuan nila ulit ang isa't isa at ngayon ay mayroon nang ako. 

Nagpatuloy si daddy sa pagkukwento sa nangyari ng gabing 'yon. Kahit na ilang beses ko nang narinig ay aliw na aliw naman ako. I love my parents and I'm glad they're still together. Masyado na silang matatag at sinubok ng buhay. 

"What if I'm your karma, daddy?" I said out of nowhere. 

"What do you mean by that, Saryna?"

Hindi ko napigilang magsalin ulit sa baso at uminom sa harapan niya. Everything that I did this week was just exhausting. And I know they're tired of it, too. Hindi lang sinasabi pero alam kong napapagod na rin talaga sila.

"Sabi nila kapag playboy ang tatay, maraming babae at gago noon ay ang mga anak daw na babae ang magiging bayad no'n. Ate Nia at Ate Somerset are now successful and they're both obedient. Kahit si Kuya Nio ay matino, but me? I'm the black sheep of this family."

"Saryna Esquire..." Daddy stopped me, making me swallowed the bile on my throat.

Inangat niya ang mga kamay dahilan para wala akong magawa kung hindi ang lumapit sa kanya at maupo sa kanyang hita. I hugged him tight and he did the same. 

"You are my baby and I love you just as much as your siblings. Mahal na mahal ko kayong lahat at kahit na tingin mo marami kang nagagawang kasalanan ay hinding-hindi kita kamumuhian. I will never look at you as my karma or the black sheep of our family because you are part of your mother. And I love and repect that woman so much so there's no way you're going to be a burden. You are all my luck. Our family is my greatest blessing so please don't ever think about that, alright?"

Pinilit kong ngumiti nang lumayo siya upang matitigan ako. I slowly nodded and smiled.

"I love you Yna and always remember that you are one of God's greatest blessing to me so I will forever be grateful for Him. Huwag mong iisipin ang bagay na 'yan dahil kahit ano pang gawin mo ay hinding-hindi 'yan magkakatotoo. I love every bit of you. You are my baby, remember?" He said in his calm and comforting voice while giving me a reassuring hug, taking all the burden in my heart and replacing it with just pure love. Napangiti na lang ako't napatango.

This is the kind of love that I only needed in this lifetime and nothing else.

# CHAPTER 4

Chapter Four

The Old Saryna

I was a better version of myself the next month. I started my August with kindness and generosity by buying Kuya Pancho's kids some school supplies and groceries for the whole month using only my allowance. Kaya naman sobrang spoiled rin ako sa driver ko ay dahil ganito ako bumawi sa kanya. He was once Ate Somerset's driver, but when my sister went abroad, ako na ang naging boss niya at siya na rin ang nakasama ko simula noon lalo na sa mga kagaguhan ko.

Kuya Pancho was there the first time I was bawling my eyes out while puking outside the club because of too much alcohol. He was there when I had my first date. He was with me when I said yes to my first boyfriend until the night I ended it. Kumbaga sa pamilya ko't mga close friends, si Kuya Pancho lang ang hindi ko kadugong talagang kilalang-kilala rin ako.

"Naku Saryna! Napakarami naman yata ng pinamili ninyo! Baka pagalitan kami ng daddy at mommy mo at baka maubos ang allowance mo." Si Ate Sita, Kuya Pancho's wife and once one of our old maid, too. 

Matagal rin itong nagtrabaho sa amin pero simula nang magkaroon ng anak ay gusto na lang mag-focus sa mga ito. 

"Don't worry about it, Ate Sita. Money is not a problem and besides, hindi basta mauubos ang pera ko sa grocery at school supplies lang. My parents will not even bother asking me about where my money goes."

"Alam ko naman iyon pero ang kaso ay nai-spoiled kami sa 'yo. Ayaw naman naming masanay at abusuhin ka."

"I don't think about it that way. Kuya Pancho is  a very loyal servant not only to me, but to my family as well and he deserves a gift from time to time. Tignan mo nga at sabi niya ay dahil sa akin kaya namumuti na ang buhok sa ulo niya."

"Huwag ka ngang magpapaniwala diyan! Talagang tumatanda na kaya ganyan at hindi dahil sa 'yo!"

Saktong dumating si Kuya Pancho dala ang meryendang ginawa niya kaya nakisalo na ito pati ang mga anak.

They have a decent home. Dalawa lang ang kanilang anak at simple lang ang kanilang bahay pero mukha namang masaya na sila at kuntento. 

I am not innocent on how poor people live their lives because I am exposed with a lot of charity events that my mom loves to do. Noon pa man ay mahilig na si mommy na tumulong sa mga mahihirap at mga nangangailangan. In fact, the orphanage she built abroad has now expanded in three countries including the Philippines. 

Bukod doon ay aktibo pa siya sa maraming bagay. She now has a bakery all accross the country and a certain percent of its profit goes to the poor people. Kaya mulat na mulat ako sa kahirapan kahit na ni minsan ay hindi ko na-experience ang buhay na iyon maski ang gumawa ng gawain sa sarili ko lang. I never even open a stove or touch a broom. And I don't think I ever will.

The Saryna who was calm and good continued until the end of the month. I have not been high or drunk. Sumasama pa rin ako at dumadalo sa mga kasiyahan pero alam ko na ang limit ko. I tried being so good that even myself was damn proud.

"What is it now?" Nakataas ang kilay kong tanong kay Damien habang nasa Starbucks kami. 

I asked him to help me study and he agreed, but he remained silent the whole time. Wala siyang ginawa kung hindi ang titigan ako at panuorin. It was annoying.

"Nothing."

I stopped my eyes from rolling. Hinayaan ko na lang. I continued drinking my green tea latte while browsing my notes on my macbook. Akala ko ay matatapos rin ang pagiging weird niya katitingin sa akin pero hindi na ito nakapagpigil sa gustong sabihin.

"Are you sure you're not in trouble or something? You promised not to lie to me, right? Is everything okay?"

I almost spit my tea at that. Doon na natuloy ang pag-irap ko sa kanya.

"What do you mean by that? I am okay and I am definitely not in any kind of trouble! I haven't done anything wrong this month."

"And that's the problem. That is so not you."

I heave a sigh. Naiiling na nababaliwan sa kanya.

"Kapag marami akong kagaguhan bothered ka. Kapag matino ako, bothered ka pa rin. Saan ako lulugar?"

"I'm just asking, Saryna. It's weird."

"You are weird! Can't I just have a normal study date with you? Hindi ba ako pwedeng tumino just for once?"

He just stared at me. Pinag-aaralan niya ang ekspresyon at sasabihin ko pero sa huli ay nakumbinsi ko na rin.

"I kind of like this version of you. You're making me proud."

I chuckled and stepped on his white sneakers. Sandaling nangunot ang noo niya. Mukhang talagang masaya para sa akin dahil kung hindi ay alam kong maiinis na ito. He wants everything clean. May pagka-OC rin at gustong lahat ay maayos kaya alam kong puputok ang butsi niya kung hindi lang siya good mood.

"Stop. Baka ma-touch ako at umiyak."

It was then his turn to smile. Kinuha niya ang kape sa kanyang harapan at sumimsim doon pagkatapos ay muli nang tinitigan ang aming ginagawa. 

Damien was a real dork. He was smart, but he was too timid and shy. Hindi gaya ko na balasubas at pasmado palagi ang bibig. My cousin was a total opposite of me. Kaya rin siguro kami ang magkasundo ay dahil magkaibang-magkaiba ang aming mga ugali. It was like putting a puzzle piece together. We were that solid.

The study date went well. Maagang natapos at nakapag-advance study pa ako para sa susunod na lectures and everyone was surprised to see me raise my hand and recite in class. Mukhang natakot pa ang mga professor na tawagin ako dahil never nila iyong ginawa.

My father was an alumni of Enderun International University. Silang dalawa ni Uncle Andrei na kakambal nito ay gaya ko ngayong sikat na sikat rin noon. They were the bad ass of this uni. They were well respected and feared by everyone and nobody even dared to cross the line with them—except of course, my mother. 

Gaya ng mga ito, bilang dala ang apelyidong Rozovsky ay dala ko rin ang kung anong kaakibat na pribilehiyo ng isa sa pinakamalakas na angkan sa bansa. Though not everyone was afraid of me just like how students back then were afraid of the Rozovsky twin, takot pa rin ang mga ito sa ibang paraan dahil kahit na babae ako ay wala akong inuurungan. I am just as savage as my father and that was enough for people to know their place and to bow the fuck down.

"It's going to be the sickest party of the year, Saryna! Come on! Isang buwan ka na naming hindi nakakasama. Enough of this party diets already! It's so not you! Besides, elites from all other univ will be there, too!" Holly exclaimed one day when we met. Iyon ang isinalubong niya sa akin.

"Oh yeah?" I chewed my gum, bored about her proposal.

"Yes! You remember that hot basketball player from Ateneo? The one you're eyeing last time? He will be there along with his teammates so please come with us! Chance mo na 'to!"

I was not in the mood for a fucking party because honestly, I am quite enjoying my time being this whole new person, but hearing him say that Valeron Guidicelli will be there was my breaking point. 

Kahit na hindi ako sumagot ay alam na nilang pupunta ako. And everyone was excited to know about that. Sinabi ko rin kay Damien at inimbitahan ko pero gaya ng dating gawi, ako lang ang napadpad doon.

Good thing my friends were there. Marami naman akong kaibigan and they all came from a prominent family, but there was no one I'd trust with my life except for my cousin. Kahit na close na close ko rin naman ang mga kaibigan ko ngayon sa college ay hindi ko pa rin itinuturing ang mga itong pamilya. 

Life humbled me at a young age and it broke my trust of trusting people again so that never happened when I step foot in the university. I am fun and an outgoing person. I'm friends with a lot of people not only because of my personality, but most especially because of the name I'm bearing. And being a Rozovsky means a golden ticket to everyone. My name alone could get them loads of shit so I already expected people to flock and try to win the fucking lottery by just being with me, but I still trust none. Nada. They can please me the hell they want and I'm willing to give them their desires in return, but treating another person that I didn't share the same blood with like a family will never be an option. 

Damien was fine with me going out but with two conditions. I will not get high and I will call him once I am done partying.

Almost six hours later, I broke all those rules and I woke up in a fucking hospital with my hand and lips busted. And there, I was once again back to the old troubled and black sheep Saryna.

# CHAPTER 5

Chapter Five

Chaos

"Saryna it's nice to see you back!" hiyaw ni Queeny matapos akong matanaw papasok sa loob ng luxury resort and casino na pinangyayarihan ngayon ng isa nga sa pinakamalaking party ng taon.

Sinalubong ko siya ng yakap at halik sa pisngi. Our other friends stood up when they saw us. Gano'n rin ang ginawa kong pagbati sa kanila. They gave me shots before I could even sit on the couch. 

Lahat sila ay naghiyawan nang imbes na isang shot lang ay kumuha pa ako ng tatlong tequila shot sa lamesa at sunod-sunod iyong tinungga, letting them know that I am back. Hindi ko man intensiyon na maging sakit na naman ng ulo ng pamilya ko ngayon pero hindi ko maipagkakailang sobrang na-miss ko ang lugar at ambience na ito.

This is really my world. These are my people and my heart was at peace whenever I couldn't hear the beat of it because of too much noise. Mas napapahinga ang isip at buo kong pagkatao sa ingay ng club at mga taong nagkakasiyahan dito. 

Ilang minuto pa lang ay nakailang shot na ako ng alak sa dami ng mga kaibigan at kakilalang lumapit sa table namin para batiin ako. After drinking my eight shot, niyaya naman ako nila Andrea at Holly sa dance floor. 

Hindi nagtagal ay nakikisabay na rin ako sa mga naroon, tuluyan nang nakalimutan ang kung sinong Saryna na pilit kong binuo nitong mga nakaraang linggo para pagbigyan ang mga mahal ko sa buhay. 

I danced my heart out. Kahit naroon na't nakikipagsayaw kung kani-kanino ay hindi ako nakaligtas sa kaliwa't kanang tagay ng iba't ibang klase ng alak. I continued dancing with some familiar faces until my eyes finally caught Valeron coming to the dance floor. 

"Want to come to our table, Saryna?" nakangising tanong ng lalaking nakahawak sa aking bewang pero imbes na magpahila sa kanya patungo sa kung saan ay parang nakukuryente ko lang hinawi ang mga kamay niya sa bewang ko.

He was hot and all that, but nobody beats Valeron in my heart right now. It was unusual for me to have a crush, but there was something in Valeron that keeps pulling me towards him. I always wanted to meet the man pero sa tuwing malapit nang magtagpo ang mga landas namin ay palagi namang nagkakaroon ng aberya. But today was an exemption.

I licked my lips and comb my hair using my fingers before pushing the people to clear my way to Valeron. He was currently with his friends on the dance floor. May mga babae sa paligid niya at iyon ang naging motivation ko para mas bilisan ang paghakbang. With five long steps, I reached him.

Tumalikod ako matapos hablutin ang baso ng beer sa lalaking nadaanan ko pagkatapos ay marahas na itinulak ang sarili palapit kay Valeron. I purposely poured the drink on my white shirt to caught his attention more.

"I'm sorry!" 

We both exclaimed. Sandaling humawi ang mga taong nasa paligid namin para lang makapihit siya paharap sa akin. Pinigilan kong mapapikit nang maramdaman ang paghawak niya sa aking balikat. I immediately gripped his hand so I wouldn't fall. 

"I'm sorry, Miss! Are you okay?"

Inilapit ko pa ang sarili ko sa kanya. Hindi ko inasahang mas malalasing ako nang magkatitigan kami dahil sa lakas ng kalabog ng aking dibdib. It has been a long time since I felt butterflies in my stomach, but it was all I could feel while staring into his orbs.

"I'm okay. I'm sorry rin."

He chuckled and then helped me get into my feet. Sakto namang muling nagkagitgitan nang magbago ang tugtog kaya muli kaming nagkadikit. He grab the drink in my hand and chug it before tossing the red cup away.

"Hindi ka na mababasa." he said, now smiling from ear to ear and probably flirting with me, too.

Kahit na kilig na kilig ako at para akong masusuka sa paraan ng pagtitig niya ay hindi ako nagpatalo. Napalunok siya nang hindi inaasahang inilagay ko ang aking mga kamay sa kanyang leeg.

"What if all I ever wanted right now is to be wet?" I smiled playfully, pushing myself towards him so he could feel my warmth. 

Pinigilan kong mapangisi sa pagtikom ng bibig niya. Hindi inasahan ang mga salitang iyon. Wala siyang ginawa kung hindi ang titigan lang ako. 

I let out a laugh before letting my hand stroke the back of his head, making Valeron lick his lips. 

"Saryna Rozovsky. It's so nice to meet you."

"V-Valeron... Valeron Guidicelli."

I smirked and nodded. "Aren't you going to get my number or social media accounts?"

"Of course."

"Good boy." I murmured, still with a playful and seductive smirk on my lips. 

Ang lahat ng angas niya kaninang wala ako ay tuluyan nang naalis dahil sa aking mga ginawa. He took my number and rang it. Parehas kaming napangiti. His friends gave him a drink, but he just gave it to me. Hindi na kami umalis sa dance floor. Mabuti at hindi naman masyadong nabasa ang damit ko at gano'n rin siya. Ilang shots pa ay magkayakap na kaming sumasayaw sa dance floor.

I don't have any intentions of getting myself high, but when Valeron took out a joint, I hit it like a pro.

"Fuck... I miss this..." Nakangisi kong sambit pagkatapos ay muling hinipat ang hawak na marijuana bago muling ibinalik sa kanya.

Ilang sandali lang ay lahat na ng mga katabi namin ay pare-parehas nang tumitira. It wasn't that long for it to have an effect on my body. The sight of Valeron was making me fucking horny. Hindi ko na napigilang halikan ang lalaki. I was glad he knew how to fucking kiss. Iyon pa lang ay ten over ten na kaagad siya para sa akin.

Everything was fine even after we left the dance floor and went to their table. Hindi ko na maintindihan ang mga usapan namin dahil wala kaming tigil sa halikan at hipuan. I could sense his desire to make me wet just like what I said earlier, but there was something in him that wanted to take things slow. It was pissing me off, but it was also good because even though I wanted to have fuck him right now, I don't want to do it when high. 

Natatakot ako sa gagawin ko at baka kung ano na namang eskandalo ang lumabas bukas. Ngayon pa lang ay nai-imagine ko na ang dismayadong mukha ni Damien kung sakaling may mangyari na naman. Ito pa nga lang pag-tsongke ko ay tiyak ikasasabog na ng bait niya, ano pa kaya kapag may mangyari pang iba?

I slowed down. Mabuti na ring dumating ang mga kaibigan at teammates ni Valeron para matigil kami sa paghahalikan. I payed attention to their topic. It was all about basketball and girls. Nang may mabanggit na pangalan ng babae ay naging matalas ang pandinig ko.

"Girlfriend mo?"

Mabilis na umiling si Valeron. Hindi siya nakasagot dahil sa pagdating pa ng ilang mga kaibigan. My friends found us and joined our table. Nakalimutan ko na rin ang unang topic dahil sa dami ng sunod na naging usapan. I enjoyed having the guy beside me. He was fun to talk to and he was a good kisser so that was a real plus. 

Matapos ang ilan pang rounds ng alak at hithit ng mj ay nagpaalam na muna ako bago dumiretso sa after party na gaganapin sa frat house. Hindi nawala ang ngiti ko hanggang sa paglabas ng C.R. Dumaan ako sa bar para uminom ng isang shot ng tequila bago bumalik sa lamesa ng mga lalaki pero imbes na simpleng daan lang ang gagawin ko ay iyon na pala ang huli kong destinasyon ngayong gabi.

The next thing I felt was my hair being pulled violently. Dahil sa marahas na pagsabunot sa aking buhok ng kung sino ay hindi ako kaagad nakaganti. Na-out of balance rin ako dahil sa taas ng suot kong stiletto. The next thing was ugly. Ilang beses kong naramdaman ang sampal sa aking mukha hanggang sa malasahan ko ang sarili kong dugo. Dahil doon ay para akong nagising sa matagal na pagkakatulog.

All I saw was a face of an unfamiliar girl wanted to take me down. And she did for almost a minute. Iyon nga lang, nang makabawi na ako ay nagsimula na ang kalbaryo sa buhay niya. I pulled her hair hard using my right while my left hand continuously punched her face without any mercy. Dama ko sa aking kamao ang pagkabasag ng mga buto niya sa mukha. Wala itong magawa kung hindi ang umiyak at magmakaawang tumigil ako, I didn't.

She was clearly doesn't know how to fight. Bukod sa galit na tanging dahilan kung bakit niya ako nagawang saktan ay wala rin siyang kakayahang lumaban sa akin. Hindi gaya ko na bata pa lang ay natuto na ng martial arts. 

Kuya Nio has a black belt as well as my other siblings. Kahit na wala ako ay marunong naman akong lumaban. And that was the reason why the poor girl cried for her dear life while facing with my hard knuckles. The joint I took made me numb. Nang duguan na ang mukha nito ay saka lang may umawat sa amin. I thought I could finally walk away from the girl after someone pulled me away from her, but the next thing I felt after getting into my feet was a hand around my neck, choking me down until I lose my consciousness.

Sa pagdilat ko ng mga mata ay nasa hospital na ako. My head felt heavy and I couldn't move my left hand. Nakabenda iyon pero kahit na hindi masakit dahil siguro sa gamot ay alam kong nabalian ako ng buto.

The sight of my mother crying slapped me hard in the face. Inaalo siya ni Daddy. Gusto kong magsalita pero tuyong-tuyo ang lalamunan ko.

"I don't know what else to do just for Saryna to stay out of trouble, Thelonious... I'm scared for her own safety."

"Shh, baby..." masuyong pag-aalo naman ni daddy rito pagkatapos ay agad siyang niyakap nang mahigpit. "We don't know what happened yet. Let's wait for her explaination. I'm sure may dahilan kung bakit nangyari 'yon."

Dismayadong bumitiw si mommy sa kanyang pagkakayakap.

"The reason why it happened is because our daughter is out of control! You never talk to her about smoking marijuana and her drinking habits kaya nasanay na! We spoiled her so much that she thinks it's okay to put herself in danger and our family in shame over and over again."

"Stop it now, baby," father said calmly and then tried to hug my mother again even though the latter was resisting. "Kakausapin ko si Saryna. Aayusin natin. Aayusin ko."

"You better talk to her, Aux, because I don't want my child to go down that path. I will lose it, Aux... Hindi ko kayang panuoring masira ang buhay ng anak natin dahil sa kapabayaan nating dalawa."

"We will fix it, Soraia. I will." my father said with a firm voice. 

Hindi ko napigilang mapalunok nang sa unang beses ay marinig iyon sa kanya. Imbes na makinig pa at ipaalam na gising na ako ay ipinikit ko na lang muli ang aking mga mata at pinilit na lang na matulog upang tumakas ulit sa responsibilidad at kabayaran sa mga nagawa ko.

# CHAPTER 6

Chapter Six

Straight From Hell

"Dad I didn't know he has a girlfriend. Isa pa, wala naman akong balak na agawin 'yon sa kanya kung sakali. Valeron was my ultimate crush, but that doesn't mean I'll disrespect another girl just to have him! He can go fuck himself, daddy! Wala akong pakialam sa kanilang dalawa ng girlfriend niya kahit na magsama pa sila't tumanda habang buhay! She was the one who attacked me first and it was not my fault she ended up in the hospital! Dapat nga magpasalamat pa siya dahil kung walang pumigil sa amin ay pinaglalamayan na siya ngayon!"

That was the longest speech I've ever made my entire life so that my father could give me some sympathy. Ilang araw kasi pagkatapos kong makalabas ng hospital ay dama kong seryoso na ang mga ito sa pagbibigay ng kastigo sa akin at paghihigpit dahil sa walang katapusan ko nang paghila ng aming pangalan sa iba't ibang klase ng eskandalo. 

I was thirteen when I found my father's stash of marijuana and gave it to my friends so we could hit it. Ilang buwan rin iyon bago nila nalaman ang ginawa ko. And since then, nagtuloy-tuloy na ang aking mga kagaguhan.

I know my family loathed me right now. Maging ang mga kapatid siguro ni Daddy dahil maging sila ay nadadamay pero totoong wala akong kasalanan sa nangyari ngayon. If she could've just talk to me and ask me to stay away from her boyfriend then she wouldn't be where she was right now. 

Siya ang unang nanakit at kasalanan niya ang lahat dahil ipinagtanggol ko lang ang sarili ko, as I should. Unfortunately, my father was already had enough and it seems like he will not listen to me anymore. Alam ko na ang susunod na mangyayari noong narinig ko pa lang silang nag-uusap ni Mommy pero hindi ko akalaing magiging totoo na ngayon. 

Fuck. 
My mind cursed when I saw that my litany wasn't working.

"That's not the point, Saryna. Your mom was right. You're getting out of hand and you think violence is okay which is not."

"Daddy, ilang mga kaaway at schoolmates mo ang nabugbog mo dati noong nag-aaral ka pa lalo na noong college? Mom even said you punished a guy just because you didn't like how he looked at you! That was violence! And what I did was not because it was only self-defense!"

Napahilot sa sintido si daddy dahil sa aking mga sinabi, mukhang hindi napaghandaan ang mga pagdadahilan ko. Bahagya rin sigurong nagsisisi dahil kahit na anong sabihin niya ngayon ay wala siyang ligtas. I am hundred percent just like him. Maliban na lang sa kasarian ko, but we were exactly the same.

"Saryna, pozhaluysta," dad said, his voice was now pleading. "I want you to understand that I am a guy and getting in trouble like this isn't that bad for us unlike a girl getting into one. It is totally different, baby."

"And that is unfair! Iba na ang panahon ngayon sa panahon n'yo noon ni mommy! Hindi ako basta na lang mananahimik at hahayaang masaktan lalo na kung alam kong nasa tama naman ako! You taught me that so again, respectfully, I want you to understand rin na ipinagtanggol ko lang ang sarili ko at hindi ako ang nagsimula. You've seen me be good this month. kitang-kita namang sinubukan ko kaya sana maniwala ka. It was not my fault, I freaking swear."

"Saryna—"

"You know what? You and mommy should sue that girl for touching me! I almost broke my freaking nose because of her and my hand still hurts! That's what you should focus on and not about grounding me."

Nanatiling tikom ang kanyang bibig. I waited for my father to talk again, but it didn't came. Mukhang wala na talagang maisip na solusyon dahil lahat ay may birada akong balik. Hindi ko na siya hinintay pang makaisip ng solusyon. Nagpaalam na ako kaagad at dumiretso sa aking sasakyan. 

All I want right now was to get away from this house even though my bruises were still fresh. Bukod sa nananakit ko pa ring kamao ay may bakat pa rin ang aking leeg ng kamay. Wala na akong masyadong matandaan simula ng mag-black out ako dahil doon pero wala na rin akong pakialam. Ang tanging dapat ko na lang alalahanin ay ang pagbabalak ng mga magulang kong higpitan ako or worst, talagang huwag na akong payagang umalis ng bahay pagkagaling ng eskuwela. 
That
 would be the death of me.

"Holy shit Saryna you're out!" nanlalaki ang mga matang hiyaw ni Holly matapos akong matanaw na pumasok sa loob ng coffee shop na aming tambayan malapit lang sa university.

Ilang araw na akong hindi nakapasok dahil nga sa nangyari pero dahil bored na bored na ako ay narito ako ngayon kahit na hindi pa rin ako pinapayagan ng doctor at ng mga magulang kong bumalik.

Nakangiti ko silang binati. I'm glad they're still in Starbucks. Kung saan kami tumatambay minsan kapag sandali lang ang free time.

"How are you? Akala ko ba next week ka pa papasok?" Andrea asked after hugging and kissing me.

"I got home yesterday. I'm okay." 

Queeny bought me my favorite green tea drink and a blueberry cheesecake. Prente akong naupo sa couch at hinintay iyon. I pulled my shades up to my hair and then use the screen of my phone to check the bruise on my lips.

"The bitch got me good." Mabagal kong sambit habang sinisipat iyon.

Holly chuckled. "You want me to ask someone to put some bruise on her lips too while she's still in the hospital?"

The side of my lips rose at that. 

"Stop it, Holly! Hindi na nga raw makilala ang mukha, eh! Saryna got her good, too!" Andrea interjects.

Inis kong kinuha ang drink na inilapag ni Queeny sa aking harapan.

"What's up? You okay?"

Umiling ako. Nangunot ang mga noo nila. I don't want to talk about the conversation I had with father, but I need to let it all out. Baka kung saan na naman kasi mapunta ang init ng ulo ko at natatakot ako para sa sarili ko kung ano man 'yon.

"I am not. My father is finally mad at me and my mom..." napalunok ako nang maisip siya. "She's real mad."

"That's not good, Saryna."

"I know, Holly. I'll kill that bitch if I see her again."

"Chill naman! Hindi pa nga nakakalabas ng hospital at baka naka-wheelchair pa 'yon paglabas!"

"Any news about Valeron? That son of a bitch."

"You said he sent you flowers while you were in the hospital? He didn't contact you?"

Nag-igting ang aking panga dahil doon. Normal na matakot siya sa nangyari pero imbes na umiwas ay sana nag-effort man lang siya maliban sa putang inang bulaklak na 'yon dahil baka ipakuha ko pa yon sa dumpsite at ipalamon sa kanya. Tangina kumukulo ang dugo ko!

"I'll deal with it, Saryna. Do you want him to end up in the hospital, too? habang naro'n pa ang girlfriend niya?" 

Andrea and Queeny laughed at that. Hindi ko na kailangan pang sumagot dahil nakuha na kaagad ni Holly ang ibig kong sabihin. Tumango lang ito.

"I still can't believe someone finally put you on the hospital! Akala ko mapupunta ka lang do'n kapag manganganak ka na." Holly joked after minutes of casual catch up.

"Gago."

We all laughed at that. Wala naman akong masyadong na-missed at kahit na mayroon ay kayang-kaya ko naman iyong habulin. Kung hindi, then I'll make my grades adjust to me. That was just one of the Rozovsky's perks that I haven't used yet. 

Sabi ko nga, I am my father's reflection. Kahit na napakasama ko at mas malala pa siguro sa kanya noong siya ang nasa kalagayan ko ay isinasapuso ko naman ang mga payo niya lalo na tungkol sa pag-aaral. Aniya ay magbulakbol na ako't lahat basta huwag ko lang i-take for granted ang bagay na 'yon. He said I should learn everything that I need because that will help me with my future. Dahil nasa linya ng business at corporate world ang aming pamilya ay makatutulong rin talaga ang mga pinag-aaralan ko ngayon sa papasukin kong kapalaran pagkatapos ko sa kolehiyo. And that is putting up my own business or helping my father to run his.

"How did Damien react to that?" Holly asked, interrupting my thoughts.

Speaking of the angel, I haven't heard still from Damien. Isang beses lang siyang bumisita at medyo groggy pa ako no'n kaya hindi ko na matandaan ang mga napag-usapan namin o kung mayroon nga ba bukod sa paulit-ulit kong paghingi ng tawad sa kanya. I just remember bawling my eyes out after seeing him and that was it. Wala na akong maalala.

Bigo akong umiling. 

"I saw him yesterday pero hindi naman ako pinansin. Parang natakot pa ngang abutan ko sa paglalakad kaya nagmadali." Si Andrea.

"Same. Nakita ko rin sa cafeteria, nagpa-cute na ako't lahat pero hindi man lang ako nginitian." Nakabusangot na sabat naman ni Queeny.

"Don't mind him. Hindi ko pa rin nakakausap."

"So hindi pa rin pala tapos ang pagbabayad mo sa mga kasalanan? For sure he's pissed."

"I know that already, Queeny. Hayaan mo na. Hindi naman ako matitiis no'n."

"Right. Sino nga bang makakatiis sa 'yo?"

"No one." they answered in unison. Natawa na lang ako. 

Wala akong balak na pumasok ngayong araw pero dahil wala akong mapuntahan dahil alam kong dismayado pa rin sa akin si Damien at ang pamilya ko ay minabuti kong huwag na munang umuwi. Auntie Sofia and Auntie Saoirse was worried about me along with my uncles, but I told them I am okay. I even apologized just for the sake of respect, but they said it doesn't matter. Ang importante raw ang okay na ako at hindi naman napaano. May mga paalala lang pero hindi naman galit ang mga ito.

"Grandpa, I am okay. Don't bother flying here just to make sure I am. Totoong maayos lang ako." I explained to my grandfather after the class that I attended. Sakto ang pagtawag niya.

"Saryna, hija, tell me who did that to you? Your parents wouldn't give me names."

Napangisi ako. At least kahit paano ay mayroon pa ring taong handang rumesbak para sa akin nang hindi iniisip kung sino ang nauna at totoong may kasalanan. Nabawasan ang lungkot sa aking dibdib. 

My grandfather, Vladimir Rozovsky and one of the best people I have in my life was on my side and that was enough to ease some of the burden in me. He put a smile on my face.

"I got it grandpa. Ako na pong bahala do'n."

"I can't sleep without hearing some punishment, hija."

"It's okay, I swear. You know what we should talk about grandpa? It's my parents. I think they already had enough. I think they will really ground me this time."

"I'll talk to them."

"Thank you grandpa!"

"But please make sure that it will not happen again. Just please... Saryna, please stop making yourself involved with this kind of things. We have people to do the dirty stuff, alright? You are a Rozovsky and nobody should dare to touch even the tip of your hair, you understand?"

"That's the point Grandpa. She didn't know I am a Rozovsky. We were at the club eh. Hindi ako nakilala."

"That doesn't mean she will not be punished because of what she did to you."

"I know and I appreciate it, but I got it grandpa. If there's anything I want to ask you, it's my parents. Please convince them to stop worrying about me so much. Kaya ko na ang sarili ko at totoong hindi ko kasalanan kaya hindi ako ang dapat parusahan."

"I'll talk to them now."

Lumawak ang ngiti ko. "I love you and I miss you, Grandpa! I'll see you soon, alright? And please don't go here just because you are worried of me. I am a Rozovsky and I can take care of myself."

He heave a sigh. Sa huli ay wala na ring nagawa kung hindi ang pakinggan ako at hayaan. 

I went to my next class. Lahat ay nakatingin sa akin dahil may benda pa ang kamay ko at talagang halata pa ang mga sugat at pasa ko pero wala ni isang nagtanong kung anong nangyari sa akin. Even my professors were mum about it. 

I shifted my focus on my studies. Kahit paano ay nakatakas ako sa pag-iisip. Inasahan ko na rin namang magiging mas maayos na ang lahat dahil tiyak na nakausap na ni grandpa ang mga magulang ko kaya nakalma ako.

I had a huge smile on my face when my last class ended. Kahit na gusto ko pang sumama kina Holly sa club ay hindi ko na itinuloy hindi dahil sa iisipin ng mga magulang ko kung hindi dahil hindi ko pa rin trip ang hitsura ko ngayon. I still looked like a mess and I fucking hate it.

I was peacefully walking to my car when I realized someone was following me. Nag-aagaw na ang liwanag at dilim pero hindi pa bukas ang mga ilaw sa posteng nadaanan ko. I heave a sigh and continued walking. Sa ibang pagkakataon ay baka kabahan na ako at isiping may babalik sa akin para saktan dahil sa ginawa ko sa babaeng iyon, but that was too impossible. Gayunpaman, hindi ko naiwasang kabahan nang sa pagbilis ng aking mga hakbang ay siya ring pagbilis ng mga yapak palapit sa akin. I pulled my car keys and tried clicking it so my car would be open the moment I come near it, but to my horror, my car wasn't around! 

Hindi ako pwedeng magkamali! Nobody parked in my space kaya hindi pwedeng mawala iyon o mailipat! I am not that dumb to forget where I parked it, too.

Lumakas na ang kalampag ng puso ko nang wala sa sariling mapalingon sa aking pinanggalingan at makita doon ang isang bultong nakasuot ng pulang suit. The orange sky gave me an impression that he was sent straight from hell. Bukod sa suot niyang pulang-pula ay pati yata ang mga mata niya'y nag-aalab rin habang titig na titig sa akin.

Wala sa sariling napalunok ako nang tuluyang luminaw ang mukha niya't kabuuan sa kanyang paglapit ilang dipa ang layo sa akin.

Wait, was he really from hell or did he came down from heaven and now was lost? Because damn it, he was fucking gorgeous!

Pinigilan kong mapaatras nang tuluyan na siyang makalapit sa akin. My heart pounded more not because of fear, but only because of adoration. 

Even with the darkness, I could clearly see his green eyes! Those were fucking rare and it suits him so damn well! Mas lalo pa akong namangha nang masuri ang kanyang kabuuan. He has thick but clean eyebrows, perfect nose, almost red lips and a chiseled jaw. Bukod pa doon ay matangkad rin ito at napakaganda ng pangangatawan! And his scent... that woodsy notes with scents of cacao, damask rose, and sandalwood was making me salivate!

"W-who are you and why are you following me?" nauutal kong tanong at pagbasag sa nakakangilong katahimikang namamagitan sa aming dalawa. 

I cursed inside when he didn't deny that the was following me. Mas lalong nangatog ang tuhod ko sa kaba at magkakahalo pang emosyon!

He stepped one more time and when I finally heard his voice, my knees weakened.

"I'm Raglan Hozier. Your new bodyguard, chauffeur, and the man your father asked to fetch you right now to bring you home Miss Saryna Rozovsky."

Literal na nalaglag ang aking panga sa narinig pero bago pa ako makalayo ay agad na niyang nakuha sa kamay ko ang aking mga gamit. His warmth brushed against my skin and I almost closed my eyes and pray at that.

Fuck... He's definitely from hell.

# CHAPTER 7

Chapter Seven

Admirable Bodyguard

"Daddy I don't need a bodyguard oh my God!" iritang-irita kong hiyaw pagkapasok sa kanyang opisina. 

I was like a kid having the biggest tantrums after that devil disguised as my bodyguard showed up! Ni hindi ko na ito tinapunan ng tingin matapos naming makarating sa bahay. I stormed out of the car and here just to question my father's mistake.

Tangina, akala ko naman makaka-jackpot na ako kanina. Pa-rare rare pa akong nalalaman tapos sugo pala siya ng demonyo!

Napakamot sa ulo si Daddy. He was busy, but he stopped everything he was doing to face me. Padabog akong naupo sa harapan ng kanyang executive desk at agad na naghalukipkip. Base sa hitsura niya, alam ko at ramdam kong hindi niya rin gusto iyon. It was probably my mother's idea and that fucked me more. Ibig sabihin, ngayong narito na at galing pa kay mommy ay wala na siyang magagawa kahit na hindi niya rin iyon gusto. 

Most of my father's decision in life came from my mother after their second marriage. Hindi lingid sa kaalaman ko ang lahat ng hirap na parehas nilang napagdaanan noon at mas lalo ang nag-uumapaw na pagmamahal ni daddy para rito ngayon kaya talagang dapat kong maramdaman ang hagupit ng langit at lupa dahil kapag doon na galing ang desisyon ay hindi na 'yon mababawi pa.

"Dad, please... Tell mom that I don't need a bodyguard! I am not a child!"

"It's your mother's decision, Saryna. She's had enough, but that doesn't mean she is disappointed in you. She asked me to do something about your situation, but I know that you will not compromise so this is the only thing I came up with."

"A bodyguard?! Seriously?!"

"Your mother wants to send you abroad, Saryna. Iyan lang ang kaya kong gawin ngayon para matahimik ang mommy mo kahit na hindi pa rin siya kuntento sa desisyon na 'yan so please... please, let's work this out. I don't want you to go abroad like Somerset because as much as possible I want us to live in the same roof. Hangga't hindi pa kayo nakakapag-asawa ay gusto kong nasa iisang bubong lang tayo at kahit pa mag-asawa na kayo. You're all my most treasured wealth and I will not forgive myself if your behavior will leave me with no choice, but to agree with your mother on sending you away."

Nabuwal ang aking paghalukipkip sa haba ng kanyang litanya. I never thought that things will be this serious. Daddy was always adamant about his refusal of us living independent. Simula kasi nang umalis si ate Somerset noon at sa abroad mag-aral ay parang may parte na sa kanya ang nawala. I remember him visiting my sister in the US every week just to make sure she was fine. It was one of the decisions he regretted the most. Pagkatapos kasing makapag-aral ni ate Soms ay nagustuhan na nito ang tumira sa ibang bansa at maging independent at wala na siyang nagawa para mapabalik ito. Mabuti na nga lang ngayon at napapadalas na itong magbakasyon sa Pilipinas kaya kahit paano ay napapanatag na siya. 

"But dad—"

"You will let your mother see you with your new bodyguard. That way kahit alam naman na nating pareho na hindi ka pa rin mapipigilan sa mga gusto mong gawin ay may sisisihin na siya kung sakali mang masangkot ka na naman sa gulo. It will not just be your fault if you slipped, but him."

"But I hate having someone follow me around. Kahit nga si Kuya Pancho ay ayaw kong pinaghihintay."

"That's the only way for your mother to not send you anywhere. Give her a bit of peace, Yna. Kahit ngayon lang."

"Paano si Kuya Pancho kung siya rin ang magiging driver ko?"

"Your ate Somerset will stay here for a while. Pancho will be her driver."

"But—"

"Enough already, Saryna Esquire," ngayo'y may diin nang sambit ni daddy, ang mga lambing ko ay hindi na tumatalab. 

Isang mahabang buntong-hininga na lang ang nagawa ko dahil talagang wala na akong kawala ngayon. My parents had enough and everything was my fault. Honestly, hindi ko rin naman siya masisisi. I really had been a bad girl especially this year. Kaliwa't kanan ang mga nasangkutan kong gulo at siguro nga ay deserved ko ang lahat ng ito. I don't like it, but this was really the only way to please my mother.

"Don't take this against your mother."

"She's disappointed and mad at me?"

Pinagdiin niya ang mga labi, ngumiti at pagkatapos ay hinuli ang aking kamay.

"She loves you so much and she wants to protect you that's why she's worried. We will do everything we could to protect you baby so please... please, compromise."

Wala akong nagawa kung hindi ang matahimik na lang saglit.

"Did Grandpa called you?"

He nodded. "Yes, and he had a long conversation with your mother."

Tuluyan na akong nawalan ng pag-asang maitataboy pa ang lalaking iyon sa buhay ko. Kahit na ako ang bunso at paboritong apo ni Lolo Vladimir, si mommy naman ang pinakapaborito nitong anak kaya talo pa rin ako do'n. My mother was still the original.

Sa huli ay wala na akong nagawa kung hindi tanggapin ang aking masalimuot na kapalaran. On the brighter side, okay na rin dahil bukod sa magaling magmaneho at gwapo ang bagong bodyguard ko, he was also an ex-military army who served USA for years and had been to Baghdad to perform counterterrorism operations. Reading his file actually impressed me.

"No way, Saryna..." Holly blurted on the other line after I sent him Raglan Hozier's file including his 2x2 photo.

"Yup. That's my new bodyguard."

"You sure you're okay with that? Want me to ask Tito Aux to switch? I mean, you already know my bodyguards and I think I need a new face! This one is smoking hot!"

"He looked boring in that photo, Holly. Wait until you see him in person. He's a bit taller than my cousin Damien."

"What?! How about his built? Mas malaki ba siya kay Kuya Leroy?!" He asked, pertaining to one of her bodyguard.

"Leroy was fat. This one is big, but with real muscles! Hindi lang basta pangtaboy na parang bouncer! This one can actually kill, Holly!"

That made her cursed on the other line. "Shit Saryna, where did Tito Aux got him?! May agency ba siyang kinuhaan?! May kakambal ba 'yan? Tangina, how much? pay ko with shipping and without discount voucher agad-agad!"

Natawa ako dahil doon. Ang pagiging oa niya ay sapat lang dahil talaga namang kahanga-hanga hindi lang ang panlabas na anyo nito kung hindi lalo na ang kanyang skills. 

"Wait, he was a sniper too, Saryna! Oh my! Hindi ko kinakaya!"

"Wait, really?!"

Kunot noo kong binalikan ang ipinasa ko sa kanyang tungkol kay Raglan. Mas lalo akong namangha nang mabasa ang parteng iyon. Everything in his file was just admirable. Hindi na ako magtataka dahil ang security rin ng mga magulang ko ngayon at mga kapatid ay mabibigat rin at hasa sa mga ganitong klase ng bagay. 

I had a bodyguard when I was young, but they couldn't reject my birthday wish to have it removed when I was twelve years old kaya nawala iyon. Iyon nga lang, hindi na pwedeng hilingin ulit dahil baka paggising ko ay nasa Russia na ako or worst sa iba pang lugar na wala ni isang pamilya ko at baka pati si Daddy ay mapalayas na rin dahil sa akin. Kahit naman na gago ako, ayaw ko pa ring makitang nag-aaway ang mga magulang ko. That was where I drew the line. 

Raglan Hozier became more and more interesting as the girls joined Holly and I. Maging sila ay hindi mapigilan ang pagkamangha at hindi na yata makakatulog pa sa excitement para bukas dahil makikita na rin nila ito sa wakas.

"Sige na. I gotta go. I need to make a call."

"Sus! Aminin mo, gagapangin mo 'yang hot bodyguard mo kaya aalis ka na 'no?!" tawang-tawang sabi ni Holly na ikinahalakhak ko na lang rin.

"Titikman ko muna baka expired na."

"Tita Raia will kick you out of the house na talaga, Saryna! Gaga ka!"

"Alay ako. Kapag masarap, I'll share it with you guys." I joked, making them scold me even though they know it was just a fucking joke.

Kung sabagay, paano nga kaya kung mauto ko rin ang isang ito? what if seducing him was the only way to make my parents get rid of him? but then, I know that it will just worsen my situation. Baka pati si daddy ay talagang palayasin na rin ako. 

Lumabas ako ng balcony para tawagan si Damien. He was still not responding to my texts. Tamad naman talaga itong mag-text pero alam ko ring kaya hindi nagpaparamdam ay dahil nagtatampo pa rin. Mukhang gaya ni mommy ay ubos na rin ang pasensiya.

Inayos ko ang suot kong pulang silk robe sa aking katawan habang hinihintay siyang sumagot. I got to the edge of the balcony and enjoyed the view of our garden. Namumutiktik ang mga iyon sa makukulay na orchids at iba pang mga halaman. Alagang-alaga rin dahil isa iyon sa hobby ni mommy lately. 

My eyes shifted at the pool. Sandali akong naengganyo pero naisip kong maaga pa ako bukas at ayaw kong lamigin. Tamad na rin akong bumaba para mag-jacuzzi. I don't want to do it on my room. Gusto ko sanang ganitong nakakalanghap ako ng sariwang hangin. 

Naglakad ako patungo sa kabilang banda ng aking balkonahe. Mag-a-alas dose na at tahimik na ang buong kabahayan. I dialed Damien's number again after the first attempt failed. Sa paggala ng mga mata ko ay wala sa intensiyong may nahagip itong bulto sa bandang garahe. 

Agad akong naging alerto nang tumayo ito at sa tangkad pa lang ay alam ko ng ang aking bagong bodyguard iyon. I swallowed hard when my eyes immediately darted on his round and sexy butt. He was wearing a gray sweat pants and a wife beater top. 

Sa kanyang pagpihit at paglalakad palayo sa garahe matapos kumuha ng yosi at walang ano-ano'y pagsindi ay napahilig na ako sa barandilya para ubusin ang oras sa panunuod sa kanya. Dama ko ang cravings ng yosi sa aking lalamunan nang magsimula na siyang maghithit-buga. His muscles protruded on his body with every move he makes. Halatang-halata sa pangangatawan niyang batak siya sa trabaho kung saan man siyang lupalop ng mundo nanggaling. Imagining him doing his job as a sniper in the US military made me bit my lip. 

Hindi ko na napigilang mapasipol nang umangat ang kanyang kamay upang suklayin ang kanyang buhok. The silence made it so loud that I immediately got his attention.

"Fuck me... hmmm..." I murmured playfully and sensually when he turned to my direction and our eyes met. 

Napangisi ako't wala sa sariling nakagat ang aking pang-ibabang labi nang dahan-dahan niyang maibaba ang hawak matapos akong matitigan.

"Stop calling me, Saryna! Jeez!" Damien shouted on the other line, hindi ko namalayang nasagot na niya pala ang tawag ko at tiyak na narinig ang aking nawawala sa sariling pagbulong, totally ruining an intimate moment I had with Raglan.

# CHAPTER 8

Chapter Eight

To The Moon And Back

"Shit!" nagmamadali akong napaalis sa balcony habang naniningkit ang mga mata dahil sa kahihiyan pero bago pa ako makapag-sorry ay agad nang pinatay ng pinsan ko ang linya.

Malakas ang kalampag ng puso ko habang palapit sa aking kama. Halos batukan ko ang sarili sa nangyari. I wanted to relive our locking eyes, but I need to talk to Damien first. Iyon nga lang, parang imposible na 'yon nang dumating ang isang mensahe galing sa kanya.

Damdam:

Please don't update me anything about your sexual life or everything with that matter. Finish that before talking to me.

Nasapo ko ang aking noo. He thought I was having sex! Kasalanan ko. Nagmamadali akong nagtipa ng reply.

Ako:

I'm just at home, Damien. It was just a mistake and I'm sorry. Kaya kita tinawagan ay dahil gusto kong mag-apologize sa mga nagawa ko. I know you are still mad at me and I'm sorry. You're probably tired of me too, but please don't hate me. You're all I've got and I have a big problem now. I need you.

Matagal bago siya nag-reply. Nawalan na nga ako ng pag-asa pero mabuti ay hindi pa rin ako natiis. He replied an hour after my message.

Damdam:

What is it?

Ako:

You'll see tomorrow.

Damdam:

What is it, Saryna? Tell me now.

Ako:

Daddy got me a bodyguard. 

Damdam:

So? Since when did that became a problem? You are Saryna. You can have everything that you want. Even your freedom.

Ako:

I don't think I can do that this time. I don't think I can get rid of this man. He looked serious and loyal to my parents. He's basically the man you can't bribe and I don't think my charm could help me lose his job.

Damdam:

Then congratulations. You've finally lost.

Napabuntong-hininga ako sa sagot niya. Kahit na alam kong nag-aalala pa rin sa akin si Damien ay gaya ng buong pamilya ko'y pagod na rin ito sa pagkastigo sa akin.

Ako:

Hindi mo ba ako tutulungan na matanggal siya sa trabaho? You know I don't need a bodyguard. 

Damdam:

You don't know what I think you need, Saryna. You'll not like it if you knew.

Ako:

I know you are still mad, but please help me Damdam. I am your cousin and you have to be always on my side.

Damdam:

I'm sorry, but I don't know about that now. Auntie Soraia was right, you've really gone too far. Lahat na nag-aalala sa 'yo. You've done a lot of mistakes and it seems like you haven't learn a thing. 

Ako:

I'm sorry, alright? But please, you know that I don't need a bodyguard. Kaya ko ang sarili ko and you know that.

Damdam:

What if that's what best for everyone? Especially to you? What if this time you'll learn how to listen to your family? What if that's the only thing for you to finally learn?

Parang gusto ko nang maiyak sa mga pinagsasasabi niya. Imbes na mag-reply ay nagbihis na lang ako. I know Damien will not be as hard as rock if I talk to him in person. Iyon ang ginawa ko pero hindi ko inasahan ang pagsulpot ng aking bodyguard bago ko pa malapitan ang aking sasakyan. I tried opening my car, but he has a spare key! A fucking spare key of my own car and he was locking it!

"What the hell are you doing?!" iritadong singhal ko habang magkasalubong kami.

I could now smell coffee, mint, and blueberry on his system. Gano'n pa rin ang ayos niya at hindi ko maiwasang mapatitig sa ibaba ng kanyang gray sweat pants! Kahit na mukhang tulog ay may kung ano pa ring bumubukol na malaki doon! 

Is he that... big?

He cleared his throat. Dama ko ang pagkalat ng init sa aking mukha dahil sa kanyang ginawa. Marahas kong na ibinalik ang mga mata sa kanyang mukha. Now that he was not wearing a suit and was in front of me with his built and hard muscles visible to my eyes, I couldn't help but to admire him more while being a bit intimidated. He was damn tall. Tingin ko'y kasing-tangkad ni daddy o higit pa ng ilang inches. I got my height from my parents and I am already tall, but beside him I looked like a baby.

"Good evening, Miss Saryna. May I know where you are heading?"

Napalunok ako nang marinig muli ang diretso't nakakapanayong balahibong boses at accent na 'yon. His voice was deep and impossible to missed stirring your insides. Pinigilan kong mapalunok dahil doon. I also stepped back, hindi ko kinakaya ang presensiya niya. He was a soldier at kahit na mukhang wala siyang kung anong armas na dala ay patay na patay na ako. I shook my head to knock some senses out of me. Pinagtaasan ko siya ng kilay.

"And who are you to ask me that question? You are just my bodyguard and I tell you when I need you. Hindi ko gustong makialam ka sa mga lakad at desisyon ko sa buhay so please get out of my way." I spat and then walk past him. 

Ayaw ko nang marinig pang muli ang boses niya dahil baka tuluyan na akong mahibang.

I thought I already intimidated and shut the devil from hell, but my heart jump out of my throat when the second thing I saw was his hand slamming back the door of my car to prevent me going inside and leave this hell hole!

"What the fuck!" Sigaw ko. Muntik ko na siyang masuntok pero ang mga kamao ko ay biglang natakot sa kanya. 

There was something in his presence that keeps me back down! And even though I fucking hate it, wala akong magawa!

"Get out of my way before I fire you! You're already pissing me off!"

Imbes na umalis ay mas lalo lang dumiin ang kamay niya sa pintuan ng aking sasakyan. His veins protruded on his arms. Doon na ako napalunok.

Putang ina!

"I'm sorry, but I can't let you leave this place alone. Tell me where you are going and I'm willing to drive you there."

"Didn't you hear me?! Huwag mo akong pakialam kung ayaw mong mawalan ng trabaho! Siguro naman nakakaintindi ka ng tagalog?!"

Umayos siya ng tayo at saka tumango. "Naiintindihan ko." he said clearly. 

Akala ko nakakadiskaril na ang boses niya't tuwid na American accent pero mas lalo yata akong nahibang nang marinig siyang mag-tagalog sa unang pagkakataon! Kinailangan kong muling umatras muli nang gumalaw siya dahil para akong hindi makahinga!

"But unfortunately, you are not my boss. You are not in charge of my employment, but your father. Siya ang nagbigay ng trabaho sa akin at lahat ng mga utos lang niya ang susundin ko. And that includes to be with you anywhere you will go."

I scoffs sarcastically at that. "Anywhere? Kahit sa banyo susundan mo ako dahil sabi ni Daddy gano'n ba?" Natawa ako pero agad rin akong napahiya sa kanyang pananahimik, he was damn serious about following my father's orders and I'm now in real fucking trouble! Damn it!

"Kahit saan, Miss Saryna."

Naghalukipkip ako't nginisihan siya, kahit na alam kong talo na ako ay ayaw ko pa ring sumuko. Kahit na nangangatog na ang tuhod ko sa kanyang kabuuan ay nagawa ko pa ring ilapit ang sarili ko sa kanya.

"Are you really just following my father's orders o gustong-gusto mo rin ang ideyang 'yon?"

"It's my job to not let you out of my sight and I will do that whatever it takes."

"So kahit naliligo ako pwede mo akong pasukin, gano'n ba?"

His eyes became sharp at my question. Parang gusto kong pagsisihan iyon nang mabagal siyang tumango. I am pissed, but I had no choice but to pull my last card on him. 

He didn't budge when I closed the gap between us. His scent conquered my whole being. Tiniis ko iyon. Kahit na para akong napapaso sa lapit namin ay hindi ako sumuko, but I felt all of my strength left me when he caught and gripped my hands before I even touched his broad shoulders. Doon na sunod-sunod ang naging paglunok ko! 

"I'm only here to do what was asked of me, Miss Saryna. I am your bodyguard and I'm here to make sure you are safe at all times so please don't pull any stunt because I am not that easy to please. Now tell me where do you want to go and I will accompany you there." he said in his low voice that slapped me out of my inhibitions!

Pakiramdam ko'y sa unang pagkakataon ay nakahanap ako ng katapat! At base sa reaksiyon niya'y mukha naman talagang walang dating ang presensiya ko sa kanya! It was the first time someone looked at me without lust and admiration on their eyes. Kahit man lang paghanga sa ganda ko ay wala akong makita! 

Hiyang-hiya kong hinugot ang mga kamay palayo sa kanya. I forced myself to laugh just to hide the embarrassment.

"Just tell me you like men. Hindi mo kailangang mag-explain. Kung bakla ka at mas preferred mo ang lalaki ay marami akong alam na lugar kung saan ka makakakuha ng magandang service at mga high-end na—"

"There's no need for that because I am not gay. I preferred women and it just happened that you are not my type so whatever this is you're plotting, ngayon pa lang ay sinasabi ko na sa 'yong hindi iyon tatalab sa akin. Let's end this conversation now, Miss Saryna. Ngayon sabihin mo kung saan mo gustong ihatid kita para matapos na?"

That was the end of the war for me. Imbes na masampal siya sa kanyang mga sinabi ay lumayo na lang ako bago pa ako maglupasay sa kahihiyan sa harapan niya! Hindi bale nang hindi ko makita si Damien ngayon dahil mas gugustohin ko pang maghintay ng bukas imbes na makasama ang hijo de putang 'yon! 

Fuck him to the moon and back! I hate him! I fucking hate him!

# CHAPTER 9

Chapter Nine

Hate

"Find someone else daddy! I don't want him! He's a douche and I can't stand seeing that man!" histerikal kong reklamo kay daddy kinabukasan habang nasa hapag kaming dalawa.

Mom left early with Kuya Nio. Ate Nia was still sleeping and Ate Somerset already left the country. Hinintay naman ako ni daddy kaya kaming dalawa na lang ang magkaharap ngayon. 

I am waiting for Damien to fetch me because I will not let myself be in the same car with my stupid bodyguard! Hindi ako pinatulog ng nangyari kagabi at kapag naaalala ko ay talagang nag-iinit pa rin ang ulo ko.

"Yna—"

"Daddy please! Kahit sinong bodyguard ang ibigay mo tatanggapin ko na just please huwag lang ang lalaking 'yon! Ayoko daddy! Ayoko!"

He heave a sigh. Hindi pa rin makapag-isip ng matino kung paano sosolusyunan ang pag-ta-tantrums ko. He was already stressed this week and me bugging him right now wasn't helping. Ang tahimik na breakfast ay hindi niya magawa dahil sa pagrereklamo ko.

"What did he do?"

"Just please fire and replace him!"

"Tell me what did he do Saryna."

"Daddy naman. Basta ayaw ko! Isn't that enough? Wala ka na talagang pagmamahal sa akin?!"

Muling napabuntong-hininga si Daddy, pinipigilang maupos ang pasensiya sa akin.

"Saryna please. It's not easy to find someone I can trust with you. You don't know how many string I pulled to have Hozier be in charge with your security. Hindi basta-basta ang paghahanap ng taong mapagkakatiwalaan ko lalo na pagdating sa seguridad at buhay mo. He was one of the best man I found in this field. His record is amazing and I know he can handle your security."

"But daddy you have a lot of bodyguards! Bakit hindi na lang si Kuya Fernando?! You trust him and he's been around since I was young! Sure you can trust me with him, too!"

"That's the problem, Saryna. They know you since you were young and they love you like a family. Madali mo silang ma-ba-bribe sa mga gusto mo at hindi na pwedeng iyon ang masunod ngayon. I need someone who I can trust and someone who doesn't know you. Iyong hindi madaling makuha sa mga pang-uuto mo."

"But daddy—"

"Fernando!" daddy cut me off. 

Napalingon ako sa lalaking dumating. Huminto ito para hintayin ang mga iba pang sasabihin ni daddy.

"Yes sir?"

"Can you call Hozier? Tell him I need to talk to him right now."

"Daddy!"

"Now, Fernando." daddy dismissed me by insisting his demands.

Parang may mga kabayong nagtakbuhan sa dibdib ko dahil sa kanyang sinabi. Dahil gutom ako ay minadali ko ang aking pagkain pero naabutan pa rin akong nasa lamesa ng salot sa buhay ko. Nagmamadali akong tumayo nang maramdaman ito sa aking gilid.

"Pinatawag n'yo raw ako Mr. Rozovsky?"

"Sit down, Saryna." daddy said using his authoritative voice.

"Male-late na ako daddy at baka dumating na si Damien—"

"I said sit." he cut me off again, more serious this time. 

Dama ko ang panghihina ng aking mga tuhod lalo na nang ibalik ni daddy ang tingin sa lalaki at utusan itong maupo rin sa kanyang kabilang gilid at paharap sa akin. I was cursing on the inside. I never backed down to someone, but I couldn't even stay still on my seat without feeling anxious because of Raglan's presence.

"Kumain ka na ba, hijo?"

"I was about to get some coffee when Sir Fernando asked me to see you, Sir."

"Good. Join us. Get some proper breakfast because trust me, you need it." daddy said before looking back at me. Napatitig rin tuloy sa akin ang lalaki. 

Pinigilan kong mapalunok nang muling matitigan ang kanyang kulay berdeng mga mata. It was lighter now. Hindi gaya kagabi at noong unang beses kaming magtitigan dahil madilim. Now that it was daylight, mas lalo akong namangha sa mga iyon. 

His green eyes were like my favorite fruit, green kiwi. It also speaks a soul of nature, softly woven with wands of green threads. It was beautiful. Gayunpaman, agad kong pinutol ang titig sa kanya. I don't want to get lost at it. Kailangan kong panindigan ang nararamdaman kong pagkamuhi sa kanya at sa role niya ngayon sa buhay ko.

"Thank you, Mr. Rozovsky."

Daddy just nodded. Hind na nawala ang titig niya sa akin, sinasabing hindi ako pwedeng umalis sa aking kinauupuan hangga't hindi walang pahintulot niya. Wala tuloy akong nagawa kung hindi ang ipagpatuloy ang kinakain ko kahit na wala na akong gana.

"How's your job so far, Hozier? Anything you want me to know?"

Wala sa sariling napairap ako. Gustong-gusto kong magsalita pero alam kong ubos na ang pasensiya ni daddy sa akin ngayong araw at ayaw kong sirain pa iyon dahil ayaw kong mapahiya ulit sa harapan ng lalaki.

"Everything is good sir."

"How's my daughter? Any incident with her that you want to report to me?"

Raglan's eyes darted on me again. Gusto ko nang tusukin ang mga mata niya! Nakakabanas! Letse!

"Nothing so far, sir."

"Are you sure about that? huwag kang mahiyang magsabi kung may naging pagtatalo kayo o ano man. Just tell me now, Hozier. Maiintindihan ko."

"That's so unfair!" I finally spat, hindi na kinakaya ang harapang pagkastigo sa akin lalo na sa harapan ng lalaking iyon! 

"Daddy, I don't like this man! I don't want to see him, I don't like him so please stop punishing me! Papayag na akong magkaro'n ng bodyguard just not this one! I freaking hate him!" walang preno ko nang singhal, wala nang pakialam kung magagalit siya o ano pero imbes na makuha ko ay simpatya ng ama ko ay tuluyan na akong nabaon sa hiya nang marinig ang mahina nitong pagtawa.

"D-Daddy?! What's funny!"

Oh my god! Is he kidding me right now?! 

Hindi niya ako pinansin. Ibinalik niya lang ang tingin kay Raglan. Just like that, parang nagkaroon pa sila ng mas maayos na usapan at pagkakasunduan.

"You know your job, Hozier. Walang magbabago. Simula ngayon ay mas tututukan mo ang anak ko."

"Dad!"

"And you will make sure she will not leave the university. Bahay at eskuwelahan lang ngayon ang pupuntahan niya. No more parties, no more late night shits, and make sure you both are home before eight in the evening. Wala akong pakialam sa mga kung anong dahilan at pupuntahan. Kung mayroon talagang kailangan ay kailangan mo munang i-confirm sa mga professor at kung kailangan talaga niyang sumama sa mga kaibigan niya't kaklase for any school projects. Kung totoo then dito mo sila ihatid. From now on, my daughter's life is now in your hands. Ikaw na ang bahala sa kanya at i-report mo sa akin ang lahat ng ginagawa at gagawin niya, maliwanag ba?" walang prenong litanya ni daddy na hindi ko nagawang kontrahin dahil parang wala na itong narinig galing sa akin.

"Copy that, Mr. Rozovsky."

"Good. Don't disappoint me, Hozier."

"I will not, Sir."

Sa aking ginawa ay mas lalo lang lumala ang sitwasyon. Imbes na manatili pa ako sa lamesa ay umalis na lang ako dahil kahit naman anong gawin ko ay mukhang hindi na ako pakikinggan ni daddy. Mayroong kung ano sa pakiusap kong naging dahilan lalo ng determinasyon niyang ibigay kay Raglan ang trabaho. And I hate it! I fucking hate it!

"Stop it Saryna! Stop it already!" Damien said, stopping me from punching and kicking his dash board just two minutes after he fetched me.

Kahit na pumayag si daddy na kay Damien ako sumabay ngayon ay hindi naman ako nakaligtas sa aking demonyong bodyguard. Naka-convoy ang gago sa sasakyan ni Damien patungo sa university. Talagang dedicated sa trabahong ibinigay ni daddy sa kanya. Well, fuck him! Sisirain ko ang buhay niya at tignan natin kung hanggang kailan siya tatagal!

"I hate him Damien! I hate him so much gusto ko siyang saktan ng matindi!"

"Jeez, calm down! Breaking my car will not solve your problem Saryna."

Hinihingal akong huminto, nanatiling kuyom ang mga kamao. Naiiyak kong hinarap si Damien na tutok ang mga mata sa kalsada.

"What should I do, Damien? How will I get rid of that man?!"

He shook his head. "You heard your father. Malinaw rin ang bilin sa akin ni Uncle Aux kanina at ayaw kong suwayin siya, Saryna. Your bodyguard is the only one who's in charge of you now. Hindi pwedeng sa akin ka sumabay mamaya pauwi. Isa pa, may isang subject pa ako at mauuna ang uwian mo kaya—"

"I will wait for you! Sa 'yo ako sasabay!"

"Yna please, stop acting like a child. You are mad I get it, but if you just listened to me the first time, hindi naman mangyayari 'to. I understand where your parents are coming from and I respect and support their decision. Ayaw kong pati ako ay pagalitan ng mga magulang mo dahil kinukunsinti kita. Which I am not."

"But help me, Damien! You have to! I'm basically on a death row and you have to save me!"

He heave a sigh and shook his head again. "I'm sorry Saryna, but I really can't help you this time. I've been trying to do that since day one and I'll be busy next week. I need to prepare for the upcoming examination and I need to focus on that. Sa ngayon ay wala akong maipapayo kung hindi ang sundin mo na lang muna sa ngayon ang gusto nila Uncle Aux. It's for your own good anyway. It's time for you to behave. Hate me too if you want, but I can't really save you from your own problem. I'm sorry, but I want out of it this time."

Mas lalong nagngitngit ang bagang ko dahil doon. I felt like everyone was turning against me right now and it was Raglan's fault! Siya lang ang may kasalanan at wala nang iba.

Damien was worried when I did not opened my mouth after what he said. Kahit na nag-aalala ay hindi na rin ako nito pinigilan nang agad akong lumabas ng kanyang sasakyan at walang sabi siyang iniwan. I don't want to talk to anyone right now. Pakiramdam ko kasi ay wala na akong kakampi. My world was crumbling down. 

Alam na ng mga kaibigan kong bad trip ako kaya hindi nila ako ginulo. I was quiet the whole class and unto the next. Walang nagtangkang kumausap sa akin dahil takot na mapagbuntunan ko ng galit. Kahit pa ang mga kaibigan kong excited sa mga usapan namin kagabi tungkol sa aking bagong bodyguard ay nanahimik.

Saka lang ako nakipag-usap nang patapos na ang pangatlo at huli kong klase ngayong araw. Raglan was on may radar. Malayo siya sa akin at nakatingin lang upang bantayan ako pero nakatakas pa rin ako sa mga mata niya matapos pumasok sa loob ng ladies room kasama ang aking mga kaibigan.

"Saryna what are you up to?"

"Just give me your clothes Holly! Magpalit tayo ngayon na!"

"But—"

"Shut up! Hubad na!"

"Saryna, I'm not feeling good about this..."

"Shut up Queeny! You'll accompany Holly outside while Andrea will help me leave this goddamn place without that man noticing! Paniwalain n'yong ako si Holly para siya ang sundan ng letse kong bodyguard at hindi ako, maliwanag ba?!"

Kahit na hindi palagay sa mga pinagsasasabi ko ay walang nagawa ang mga ito kung hindi ang sundin ako. My heart was pounding and I know I will get grounded because of this, but fuck it. Ayaw kong makulong sa anino ng lalaking 'yon! I will not let his job control me. Wala akong pakialam sa kanila at walang makakapigil sa akin sa lahat ng gusto kong gawin.

Isang malawak na ngiti ang lumabas sa aking mga labi ilang minuto matapos mag-text si Queeny na nakabuntot sa kanila ang lalaki habang patungo na sa cafeteria. I pulled Andrea on the other side of the university where the man wouldn't catch me. Imbes na gamitin ang kanyang sasakyan ay lumabas na lang kami ng university at pumara ng taxi patungo sa club na palagi naming tambayan pagkatapos ng klase.

"Oh my god! We did it! We did it Andrea!" eksaherada kong hiyaw matapos makasakay ng taxi at matakasan ang gagong 'yon!

"I'll call them now! Sabihin kong sa club na lang tayo magkita-kita." Excited niyang sagot.

I nodded. Sa unang pagkakataon matapos makilala ang lalaking 'yon ay saka lang napahinga ang aking utak sa pag-iisip. All I wanted right now was to get high as fuck just to forget all of my problems and I couldn't wait to do that. 

Iyon nga lang, ang lahat ng saya at tagumpay na naramdaman ko habang lumalayo sa university ang taxi na aming sinakyan ay agad ring nawala nang pagbabang-pagbaba ko pa lang ng taxi ay nakita ko kaagad ang letseng lalaking tinakasan ko.

Raglan Hozier was fucking leaning on one of the columns of the club's main entrance! Prente itong nakahilig doon habang humihithit-buga sa hawak niyang yosi na tila ba ilang minuto nang naroon at hinihintay na lang ako! What pissed me more was the smug on his face while walking towards me.

"Going somewhere, Miss Saryna?" sarkastikong tanong ni Hozier dahilan para maupos na ang lahat ng energy ko.

# CHAPTER 10

Chapter Ten

Another Scandal

My face went pale after seeing the man. Dama ko rin ang panlalamig ng buo kong katawan habang lutang na nililingon ang taxi at ang pinanggalingan namin! 

It was so clear that he arrived here first. Maayos na naka-parallel park ang aming sasakyan sa hindi kalayuan at kahit na nagmadali na kami ni Andrea ay mukhang naghintay pa rin siya. The devil was fast.

"Anong ginagawa mo rito?!" Singhal ko matapos niya akong lapitan. 

Umayos siya ng tindig para harapin ako.

"Hindi ba't ako ang dapat magtanong niyan sa 'yo? Bakit mo ako iniwan? Or should I say tinakasan?"

I scoffed sarcastically. Iyon na lang ang panglaban ko dahil ayaw kong mapahiya ngayon sa harapan ng mga kaibigan ko. I was never embarrassed in front of everyone and I will not let this stupid son of a gun to do it again. Mas lalo ngayong narito sila Andrea!

"Well first of all malinaw ang naging usapan kanina na wala akong pakialam sa 'yo at ayaw kong ikaw ang maging bodyguard ko."

"Mas malinaw ang utos ng daddy mo na bantayan kita at huwag hayaang umalis ng wala ako."

"And yet you failed to do that."

"Nah," he said, the side of his lips was now arching. "You are here in front of me and I will not let you go anywhere but home so I think I did my job well."

"Well you can't make me go home. Kapag sinabi kong ayaw ko pang umuwi ay hindi ako uuwi."

"Too bad I can't make that happen."

"Oh yeah? At anong gagawin mo? Kakaladkarin mo ako paalis sa lugar na 'to?!"

Mas matapang ko siyang nilapitan. I was just seconds to punching his face hard, but the man didn't even budge. Imbes nga na matakot sa akin ay isinara niya lang ang mumunting espasyong namamagitan sa aming dalawa!

"S-Saryna, it's okay. Y-you can now go home. Okay lang naman. Maiintindihan naman nila Holly kung uuwi ka na at hindi na makakasama ngayon kaya—"

"Shut up Andrea!" I glared at her. 

Hindi siya nakakatulong sa akin ngayon at isa ito sa mga ayaw na ayaw ko! Ayaw kong makitang natatalo ako dahil kahit kailan ay hindi nangyari 'yon! I am Saryna Rozovsky and I always win!

"You know what? Why don't you get lost, pack up your things, and go back to where you came from because you don't belong here. Nobody needs you. I don't need you and you're just making me hate you more—ah!"

Isang malakas na sigaw ang pumutol sa aking litanya at lumabas sa aking bibig nang imbes na patapusin ako't sundin ay agad niya na lang akong binuhat at inilagay sa kanyang balikat para ilayo sa club at dalhin pabalik sa aming sasakyan!

"Gago ka ibaba mo ako! Ibaba mo ako! I hate you! I hate you so much you devil!" galit na galit kong pinagsasasapak ang kanyang likuran habang pilit na nagpupumiglas sa kanyang pagkakabuhat!

I tried kicking him. Sinapak at sinabunutan ko na rin pero para itong manhid sa lahat ng mga pananakit ko at bingi sa aking mga salita. 

"Animal kang hayop ka ibaba mo sabi ako! You're going to regret this! You're going to regret everything you fucker!"

I was about to kick him with all my strength when I felt his hand slapped my buttocks hard! Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Dahil sa lakas no'n ay parang ilang beses pang nag-bounce ang mga taba sa pwet ko!

Did he just fucking slapped my butt to shut me up?!

Marami pa akong gustong sabihin at ilabas na mura pero hindi ko na nagawa dahil sa pagkabigla ay para akong naestatwa. I still could feel his hand on my buttocks even when he put me inside the car like an innocent baby in need of too much attention. Kahit nang makasakay na siya sa driver's seat at mabuksan ang sasakyan ay lutang ako. My thoughts were screaming, but my lips remained sealed. I wanted to shout. I wanted to hurt him more, but my strength has left me right after what he did.

Nag-igting ang panga ko nang umandar na ang sasakyan at titigan niya ako gamit ang rear view mirror.

"You want to say something?" he asked, his voice was mixed with sarcasm and authority.

Imbes na sumagot ay itinaas ko na lang ang kamay ko para ipakita sa kanya ang aking middle finger. He just smirk and shook his head before his eyes went back on the road.

I was still shocked and couldn't moved on from the scene. Pag-uwi sa bahay ay sa kwarto na kaagad ako dumiretso. Gusto ko nang kalimutan at bumalik sa aking huwisyo pero hindi ko magawa. 

He spanked me. My bodyguard fucking spanked me! 

Oo nga't hindi naman na bago sa akin iyon at may mga nakahawak naman na sa pwet ko pero ito na yata ang pagkastigong sa unang beses ay naging effective sa akin. 

Iyon pa rin ang laman ng utak ko habang naliligo. I even checked my butt to see some mark and it has. Kaunti lang pero sa lakas ay may marka pa ring naiwan. It was not that hard na ikaiiyak ko at ikagagalit, but just enough to really shut someone up. And it worked. I have a fair skin kaya halata kaagad ang pamumula.

I was silent during the dinner. Mommy was happy I was there to dine with them, but I don't feel like talking. I felt like traumatized.

"Is there any problem, Saryna?"

"Nothing, mom. I'm just tired because of school."

Nagliwanag ang mukha niya. My mother, Soraia Esquire Rozovsky, the only woman who could make my father literally crazy was now smiling from ear to ear after hearing me say that. Sa unang pagkakataon pagkatapos ng mahabang panahon ay parang ngayon ko na lang ulit nakita sa kanya ang mga ngiting iyon. It was so sweet that even though I am not feeling it, napangiti pa rin ako.

My mother was always beautiful. She was part of the reason why my beauty was the standard to all the boys in Enderun International University. I looked like her, but my features were bolder and intense like my father. 

Lahat naman kami actually ay namana ang lahat ng mga magaganda sa aming mga magulang. Ate Somerset, the middle child also became the hottest girl here and abroad. Kaliwa't kanan nga ang offer niya noon sa mga TV commercials at kahit sa modeling industry lalo na't ang best friend niya ay mayroong modeling agency pero isang beses niya lang iyong pinagbigyan. And that photo was still viral until now with almost a million likes and thousands of shares and comments. 

Ate Nia was also good-looking and her body was bomb, too! Sa aming tatlo ay siya ang may pinakamalaking boobs at pwet pero dahil may pagka-conservative manamit ay paniguradong ang magiging asawa niya lang ang makakakita no'n. But even without showing too much skin, she was still admired and adored by men. She was hot as fuck, too. Kaliwa't kanan ang mga manliligaw na hindi kaagad naba-basted dahil sa sobrang bait hindi gaya ni ate Somerset na kapag ayaw niya ay binabara na kaagad.

And lastly, my only brother, Kuya Euxerre became the biggest heartthrob in Enderun, too! Ilang beses siyang naging prom king at Mr. Enderun simula pa lang noong junior year niya. He has the most admirers than us. Palibhasa over-achiever rin at masipag talaga sa lahat ng bagay ay pansinin ito bukod pa sa hitsura. 

I remember my uncles teasing him about having a lot of girlfriends. Dahil sa kakisigan ay mukhang mas marami pa nga raw itong naging girlfriend kay daddy pero hindi ako naniniwala. I always thought my brother as the responsible one like ate Nia, his twin sister. Sa pamilya ay silang dalawa talaga ang pinakamatino at pagdating sa amin ni Ate Soms ay naubos na ang lahat ng katinuan sa egg cell at sperm cell ni mommy at daddy kaya ganito ang kinalabasan.

"It's good to see you dine with us, Yna. It's been a while since you joined us here and you came home early so I'm really happy about it. Mukhang tama ang desisyon ng daddy mo tungkol sa pagkakaro'n mo ng bodyguard."

Muntik na akong mabulunan dahil doon. Daddy smiled at my mother. Mas lalo namang naging glowing si mommy. 

Love, ewww.

"How's your bodyguard? Okay lang ba siya? What was his name again?"

"Raglan." walang gana kong sagot.

"I thought it's Hozier?" singit ni Ate Nia na ngayon ay nakakunot ang noo.

"It's his second name. He doesn't look like a Hozier to me. Parang pang mababait na tao lang ang pangalan na 'yon. He's more of a Raglan. Mas bagay sa kanya. Like a rat na pilit nagsusumiksik sa buhay ng iba..."

Marahas akong napalunok at natigil dahil sa malakas na pagtikhim ni daddy na ayaw nang marinig pa ang mga sinasabi ko lalo na't nasa hapag si mommy.

Right. I need to make this work dahil kung hindi at sa kanya pa rin babalik ang lahat. 

"He's just my age dad, right?" pormal na singit ni Kuya Nio sa usapan.

Daddy nodded. Nagpatuloy ang pag-uusap nila tungkol kay Raglan pero ang utak ko ay nasa ibang dimension na naman habang pilit na inuubos ang aking pagkain. Kahit na gustong-gusto kong magsumbong sa nangyari kanina ay pilit kong itinikom ang aking bibig.

Akala ko ay makakatakas na ako sa anino ng lalaking iyon at sa lahat ng mga nangyari kanina sa club dahil gusto ko na lang ring ibaon ang lahat sa limot at mag-isip ng panibagong strategy kung paano siya mawawala sa buhay ko pero hindi ko inasahang doon at doon lang rin iikot ang buhay ko sa mga sumunod na linggo simula nang magkita kami ulit ni Damien.

"Why didn't you told me that your bodyguard spanked you Saryna?" salubong niya sa akin dahilan para mapaawang ang aking bibig.

"What are you..."

"Why did he touched you?"

Natigil ako sa paglalakad sa napagtanto.

What the hell... Did Raglan told him that? Was I involved with another scandal again? And with that man?! Shit!

# CHAPTER 11

Chapter Eleven

The Last Ace

"H-how did you..."

"Holly told me."

"Wait w-what?"

I didn't told anyone about Raglan spanking my butt to shut me up, but I guess Andrea saw it and told my friends and now it reached Damien. 

Kung sabagay, bakit pa nga ba ako magtataka eh ultimate crush nila ang pinsan ko at gagawin nila ang lahat para lang mapansin nito kahit na ibenta ako. Hell, lalo na kung tungkol sa akin dahil bukod sa acads ay wala naman nang pakialam si Damien sa kahit na ano maliban sa akin at sa mga kagaguhan ko sa buhay.

Hinila ko siya sa patungo sa cafeteria. I asked someone to order us some coffee even though I already had one before going here. Pakiramdam ko kasi ay kailangan ko nang magising sa realidad at magising sa katotohanang wala nang pag-asang makagawa ako ng paraan para tanggalin ni daddy ang lalaking 'yon sa trabaho.

I told Damien everything and I regretted it because the concern he has for me regarding the matter turned to be favorable to Raglan. Pansin kong mas nakahinga pa siya nang maluwag dahil hindi naman assault ang nangyari at tanging pagkastigo lang dahil na rin sa ginawa kong pagtakas. He even applauded the man for doing it to control me. 

Inis kong ininom ang aking kape. Kahit na napapaso ako sa init ay itinuloy ko para masaktan ako't magising pa lalo.

"You're just worst as him. Parang hindi na ikaw ang Damien na kilala ko." may pagtatampo kong sabi na nagpatawa sa kanya. 

He was really into pissing me off lately. inirapan ko siya.

"Stop with that fake dilemma. You know everything is just for your own good and what happened was just a consequence of your actions. It was his job to follow and make you safe and what he did is just fine with me," naningkit ang mga mata niya sa pananahimik ko. 

I heave a sigh when I realized where his words were pointed to. 

"Tell me if anything bad happens, alright?"

Iniwas ko ang titig at nilaro ang hawak kong tasa. Sa aming dalawa yata ay si Damien ang hindi na makaka-move on tungkol sa bagay na 'yon. He was just silent, but he remembers everything. And he was not the type of a person that you may want to mess around. Kahit na hindi siya gumaganti at masyado siyang tahimik at mabait ay isa pa rin siya sa mga taong ayaw kong makalaban kung sakali. Even though he was timid, shy, and basically irrelevant, he was still a Rozovsky and everyone already knows what exactly that means. 

"Alam ko naman at kaya ko na ang sarili ko. I don't think he will dare to do something like that, Damien. That man was like a robot. Kung ano ang utos ay iyon lang ang susundin."

"Good news, but not for you then."

I heave a sigh again before slouching at my seat. Tamad na tamad ako ngayong araw. Kung wala lang siguro ang lalaking 'yon ay nasa labas na ako ng unibersidad. I missed partying. Gusto kong uminom pero masyadong imposible. 

Damien and I separated after the bell rang. A week had passed that I haven't tasted any liquor. At iyon ang umukopa sa utak ko. I was thirsty for alcohol, but it was too impossible for me to get outside this place and do the usual. Ang bilin ni daddy ay bahay-university and vice versa lang ako, but I am not going to let his rules stop me from getting alcohol and partying.

"Are you crazy, Saryna? Dito talaga?"

I just smirked at Holly while shoving them inside the old theater. We were at the fourth floor of the college of business building where few classes were held at this hour. Kadalasan ay mga accounting ang estudyanteng nagka-klase dito pati na rin ang ilang mga nursing student at kaunti lang sila kumpara sa ibang sangay ng college ng Enderun kaya walang masyadong tao doon at malaya rin kami sa aking plano.

Lalong lumawak ang aking ngiti nang makitang nakaayos na ang mga silya at malinis na ang lugar sapat para pagdausan namin ng party ngayong hapon. I asked five of the janitors to clean it and open for us. The older janitor gave me the key after he was done and there, buo na ang pangarap kong uminom at magwalwal nang hindi sinusuway ang utos ni daddy. I am still in the university and I am not disobeying his rules.

Ilang sandali lang kaming naghintay. Maya-maya ay sunod-sunod na rin ang pagsidatingan ng mga schoolmates namin matapos ang malawakang imbitasyon ko sa kanila sa aming private group at by invite only. Lahat ng mga imbitado ay nagkusa na ring nagdala ng kanya-kanyang mga alak kahit na marami na akong pinabili. 

The janitor's I bribed was in charge of our food. A mass com student who was a dj was in charged of our sound system and some engineering students fixed the lights that hyped everyone after it brightens up the whole theater. 

Ilang minuto lang ay nagmistula na talagang club ang lugar and that was all because of me! Parang gusto kong maiyak sa tuwa. Sa pagdagsa ng mga estudyante ay pataba nang pataba ang puso ko dahil sa kasiyahan. 

Damn, I miss my world.

"You're a genius, Saryna! Oh my god I love you!" hiyaw ni Queeny na akala mo'y lasing na kaagad nakailang shot pa lang ng tequila.

Sa aming apat ay siya ang pinakamahinang uminom kaya bantay sarado lagi kay Andrea dahil sa tuwing nalalasing ay kung sino-sino na lang ang pinapatulan.

Tinapik ko ang kanyang namumulang mga pisngi at pagkatapos ay ikinulong sa aking mga palad.

"We only have three hours to get drunk. Huwag mo namang bilisan, Queeny. Take it easy and enjoy, alright?"

"I love you and we missed you so much, you hot mess!"

Napahagikhik ako't napailing dahil sa kanyang tinuran. I turned to Andrea and raised my voice.

"Look out for her and please don't let her see any joint. Baka magmaoy paglabas mahalata tayo rito."

Andrea nodded before pulling Queeny away from me. Binigyan kami ni Holly ng shot ng ilang mga lalaki kaya sandali kaming nakihalubilo sa kanila. 

I didn't thought this would be a success, but I deserved a pat on the back for making this place alive. Parang gusto ko na tuloy kausapin ang dean tungkol sa lugar na 'to. This place was already abandoned at siguro naman papayag siya kapag binili ko na lang para may sarili akong space. I don't think he'll say no. Wala namang nagsasabing hindi sa mga Rozovsky.

There was a lot of new faces that caught my eyes, but I wasn't in the mood for flirting. Talagang ang goal ko lang ngayon ay makatikim ng alak at mapunta sa lugar na magpapatahimik sa utak at puso ko.

I settled on an empty seat after grabbing a bottle of tequila. My friends were busy mingling with the people. May halos isang daan rin ang dumalo sa isang daan at limampu naming inimbitahan. Most of them were engineering student, but I was never into someone in that field. Bukod kasi sa mga mayayabang ay wala rin namang masyadong gwapo sa college of engineering. They were all average for me. Bukod sa pataasan lang ng ihi ay bilang lang sa daliri ang may ibubuga talaga. And by just looking in the crowd, no one seems to impress me. They were all below my standard. Mabuti na rin iyon para hindi malihis ang utak ko dahil ngayon ay gulong-gulo na pa rin ito.

I still can't move on to the fact that there was someone who was basically in charge of my life right now. Bawal sa ganito, hindi pwedeng pumunta doon, bawal gawin 'to at iyon ang pinakaayaw ko. I was never a follower of rules because I had none, but this time it was all over my face. 

Tinungga ko ang hawak na alak. The ambience of the place was already enough for me. Okay na sa akin na nasa gilid lang at pinanunuod ang mga schoolmate kong nagkakasiyahan. They were all having fun and it makes me happy.

Sa boredom ay inilabas ko ang aking telepono. My social battery was drained, but I still decided to stay. I browse my social media accounts so I wouldn't get bored. I rolled my eyes when I saw Valeron's new post on instagram with her fresh from the hospital girlfriend. Inangat ko ang bote ng alak kasabay ng walang sabing pagtitipa ng comment doon.

Ako:

Congratulations. Enjoy sa second life mo @
Hillary
. :)

I commented and liked the post after. Ilang segundo lang ay umani na kaagad iyon ng mga reacts at replies. Everyone thought it was funny and savage, but I meant it. Kung wala lang talagang pumigil sa akin ng gabing 'yon ay baka tuluyang nagdilim ang paningin ko sa kanya at imbes na sa hospital ay nasa sementeryo talaga ang bagsak niya. I closed the app and checked my other social media accounts. 

"Damn, I still loved this photo." bulong ko sa sarili habang nakatitig sa viral photo kong pinuputakti pa rin ng mga manyakis sa social media. 

I bet my name was all over some porn site. Hindi naman kasi ito ang unang beses na nag-viral ako at hindi rin ito ang mas malala. Sa bansang ito pa naman ay kaunting kibot lang pinagjajakulan na kaagad kahit pa ng mga babae. Minsan nga, mga babae pa ang gustong makakita at nangungunang manuod ng scandal at alam kong hindi lang dahil curious sila pero dahil nalilibugan rin. 
Fucking hypocrites. 

I've been to countless of scandal's and I lost count on how many times I dragged my family into shame. Gayunpaman, hindi ko magawang magbago. Para bang mas nabubuhay kasi ako kapag pinag-uusapan dahil nagagawa ko ang lahat ng gusto ko. It put me on pedestal.

I maybe wanted attention, but not because I lack of it. Ang tanging gusto ko lang ay ipakita na kaya rin ng mga babae ang lahat ng mga ginagawang ka-toxic-an ng mga lalaki. We can be manipulative, cheater, gaslighter, fucker, and everything that just honestly describes a guy.

I want them to know that women can be in control and stupid, too. That we are not dependent in anyone who has a dick and we sometimes has bigger balls than some men. Na hindi lang dahil babae ka ay hindi mo na dapat ginagawa ang mga bagay na ginagawa rin ng mga lalaki. Na kapag hindi normal sa iba ay mali na. 

I want women to know that they can be whoever the fuck they want to be and no one should ever stop them from doing it just because they are a woman because that was not a hindrance, but a power that should be proud of. Kaya ng mga babaeng maging faithful sa isa at sirain rin ang buhay ng mga taong balakid sa buhay nila. 

Equality. Fuck all of these toxic men, respectfully.

Halos makalahati ko na ang bote ng vodka na aking hawak nang mahanap ako ni Holly pero bago pa siya nakatabi ay tumunog na ang aking telepono dahil sa text ng lalaking tinik ngayon sa buhay ko.

Demonyo:

Are you done?

I replied.

Ako:

I'll be in the library. May kailangan akong tapusing term paper. Just wait for me there.

Demonyo:

Don't you dare to runaway again, Miss Saryna. 

My eyes automatically rolled at that.

Ako:

I am not going anywhere. Kahit puntahan mo pa ako sa library nandito ako. Isa pa, you track my phone right? Kaya mo nga ako nahanap kahapon, 'di ba? Check it and you'll see that I'm just here. Gusto mo tawagan pa kita para masiguro mong ako 'to?

Demonyo:

I'll wait for you. See you in an hour.

Sa irita sa nabasa ay hindi na ako nag-reply. I have a curfew and he controlled even that. Talagang loyal kay daddy. Demonyong tunay.

Holly chuckled and place two fingers on my eyebrow. Hindi ko na namalayan ang paglapit niya.

"Chill! Huwag salubong ang kilay, Saryna! We're here to enjoy remember?"

"My bodyguard just told me that I only have an hour."

"Then let's make the most of it!"

Hindi ko na siya napigilan nang hilahin niya ako patungo sa stage. Sinenyasan niya ang DJ na magpatugtog ng club mix. I gave in when I heard Moombahton. Everyone cheered for me when I started dancing in the middle. Agad nagsilapitan ang lahat. Kaliwa't kanan ang naging pagkuha ko sa mga alak na ibinibigay sa akin pero dahil ayaw ko namang mahalatang nakainom ay itinigil ko na rin bago pa ako tamaan.

Sandali kong nakalimutan ang lahat ng iniisip sa pakikihalubilo sa mga naroon. Kahit na nag-e-enjoy pa ako sa party, nang tumawag na sa akin si Raglan ay nagmamadali na akong nagpaalam sa kanila. Holly knew what to do. 

Sa aking paglabas ay agad kong inabot sa janitor na naging look out rin ang limang libong pangako ko. Nagpasalamat at nangiti ito. 

Binilisan ko naman ang mga hakbang hanggang sa makarating ako sa third floor. Doon ko lang sinagot ang tawag ni Raglan.

"You are not in the library. Where are you?"

"Jeez! I am coming nag banyo lang ako!"

"Stop playing games with me, Saryna."

Natigil ako sa ambang paghihilamos nang marinig ang pangalan kong sinambit niya. Kung noon ay may galang pa iyon, ngayon ay mukhang gamay na niyang subukang kontrolin ako. Pumitik ako sa naisip.

"You have a job to do and I get that, but I am basically still your fucking boss so know your place Raglan Hozier or whoever the fuck you are." mas mariin at maawtoridad kong sabi bago siya agad na binabaan ng linya.

Binilisan ko ang paghihilamos at pagmumumog. My toothbrush was on my locker kaya dinaan ko na lang sa breath strips at pabango ang amoy ng alak at sigarilyo sa aking pinanggalingan pero hindi pa rin nakaligtas sa mga mata ko ang pagdududa kay Raglan nang magkita na kami. 

Halos ihambalos ko sa kanya ang aking bag sa inis. Mabuti na lang at agad niyang nahawakan at nakuha sa kamay ko.

I was silent. Hindi dahil bahagya akong nahilo sa presensiya niya kung dahil ayaw kong magsalita at makipag-usap pa dahil baka mahalata niya ako. Marami rin ang nainom ko pero kayang-kaya ko pa naman ang aking sarili. 

Akala ko ay makakaligtas na ako at makakauwi kami ng matiwasay pero imbes na pagbuksan ng pintuan ay ang kamay ko ang kanyang hinawakan para muling iharap sa kanya't pigilang makapasok sa loob ng sasakyan.

Muntik na akong mabuwal sa pagkakatayo dahil sa pagkabigla!

"Ano ba!"

Tumalim ang mga mata niya. My heart pounded at the thought of the alcohol in my mouth. Nangilo ako sa paraan ng kanyang pagkakatitig sa akin. Kahit na sinusubukan kong bawiin ang aking kamay ay hindi niya iyon binitiwan.

"You're drunk. Where have you been?" he concluded, making my heart crazy again.

"Baka ikaw ang lasing at kung ano-ano ang naiisip mo!"

Nakatakas ako sa kanyang pagkakahawak sa aking pagpiglas, pero sa aking pagbukas ng pintuan ay hindi ako nakasakay nang sa pangalawang pagkakataon ay maitukod niya ang kamay doon upang muling sumara.

"Ano ba!" Mas malakas kong singhal, hindi pa rin siya natinag.

"Where have you been, Saryna?"

"Bakit ba?! Ano bang pakialam mo! Bakit mo ba pinipilit na lasing ako kahit na hindi naman!"

"You smell alcohol."

"Really, huh?"

Tumalim ang titig niya. I challenged his gaze.

"At sa paanong paraan mo naman nasabing lasing ako?! Maybe you're not just use to smelling expensive perfume!"

"I know what's the smell of alcohol and it's all over your mouth."

I scoffed at that. "Hindi ako lasing at wala akong ininom na kung ano! Nag-aral ako at alam mo 'yan!"

Umiling siya, mukhang hindi kailanman maniniwala sa mga sinasabi ko. Imbes na matakot ay pinanindigan ko pa lalo ang aking mga kasinungalingan.

"Hindi ka talaga naniniwala?"

His jaw clenched. Nag-init rin ang ulo doon kaya inis kong inangat ang aking mga kamay patungo sa kanyang kuwelyo. 

"Then fucking kiss me! Patunayan mong alcohol ang naaamoy mo sa bibig ko at nagsisinungaling ako!" I shouted at the top of my lungs, gambling the last ace that was left in me before tipping toe to reach his lips.

# CHAPTER 12

Chapter Twelve

 
Splace
 

He gave me an idea. The situation was just perfect for what I had in mind. 

It was really my intention to make him kiss me not because I want him to know that he was right, but only because for him to get in deep trouble. Kapag hinalikan niya kasi ako at mapatunayang lasing ako ay sigurado akong walang sabi pa rin siyang matatanggal sa trabaho. That was the end for him, but unfortunately for me, the kiss didn't happen.

Raglan was so tall that before I could even force my mouth against his after tipping toe, he already pushed me away and took a step back. Sa pangalawang pagkakataon ay para akong pinagsasampal sa hiya dahil sa ginawa niya.

Nanghihina akong napakapit sa pintuan ng aming sasakyan dahil sa kanyang pagbitiw. Nagmamadali siyang tumalikod bago ko pa makita ang kanyang ekspresyon sa nangyari.

"Get inside, we're going home." malamig at pinal niyang sabi dahilan para mapasunod na lang ako.

Ang lahat ng angas ko ay nawala at tahimik ako sa buong durasyon ng biyahe namin pauwi sa bahay. Mabuti na lang at nakainom ako dahil mabilis akong nakatulog. Good thing my parents and siblings were busy, too, kaya hindi na nila namalayang hindi ako kumain. 

Madaling araw na nang magising ako ulit. My head was heavy, but I still manage to get up to take a shower. Inalala ko ang mga nangyari habang pinakikinggan ang lagaslas ng tubig sa loob ng aking banyo.

My cheeks burned when I realized what happened earlier. I almost kissed Raglan. Oo at plano ko lang iyon para matanggal siya sa trabaho kung sakali pero ang isiping mahahalikan ko ang mga labing iyon ay para akong unti-unting sinisilaban. 

I absentmindedly bit my lip when his shocked and almost scared face after pushing me away to stop the kiss flashed in my mind. Kahit na alam kong mas marami pa do'n ang hindi ko nakita ay sapat na 'yon para magulo ang utak ko.

Damn, I should avoid talking to him while under the influence of alcohol. Baka sa susunod ay ano pang magawa ko. 

Kahit na patuloy akong binagabag ng mga nangyari ay nagawa ko pa ring matulog ulit. Kinabukasan ay laman ng group chat ang mga nangyari kagabi. Holly got drunk. Queeny fucked someone from the college of hospitality and as usual, Andrea baby sit both of them. Kahit na kunsumido ay hindi niya naman magawang iwan ang dalawa.

I was laughing inside when I saw them waiting for me at the cafeteria. Holly has dark sunglasses on while the rest looked tired and sleepless.

Tumayo si Andrea nang makita ako. I nodded at her. She gave me a hug before getting me my drink. Tahimik naman at tulala ang dalawa matapos rin akong batiin at halikan.

"So? What happened last night?"

Napainom si Queeny sa kanyang kape nang balingan ni Holly, mukhang ngayon pa lang nag-si-sink in sa kanya ang mga nagawang kagaguhan dahil sa alak.

"She said she'll behaved this year, but she ended up fucking someone again. Pang-apat na 'yan ngayong taon."

"Hindi ako 'yon, I swear. May sumanib sa 'kin kagabing masamang elemento pero promise it's not me."

I chuckled at that. "Who's the guy?"

"It's Kervin I think. Tahimik at suplado pero sabi ni Queeny ay sobrang daks at wild daw aa kama—"

"Oh my god, Holly! Stop! It's a nightmare I don't want to remember it!"

Parehas kaming natawa sa natataranta niyang reaksiyon.

"If daks and wild, bakit kailangang kalimutan?"

"Paanong hindi, eh ilang beses nag-squirt ang lola mo sa sobrang galing tapos sa pagkalantang gulay hindi niya na raw alam kung nilabasan pa ba dahil nakatulog na ang gaga pagkatapos maabot ang ikapitong langit."

"It's a nightmare..." tulalang dagdag ulit ni Queeny.

"Fuck Queeny, ikinahihiya kita." I murmured, mas lalo siyang napabusangot.

Napangisi ako. Pulang-pula na ang mukha ni Queeny sa usapan pero wala siyang magawa dahil ganito talaga ang siste kapag may nangyaring kababalaghan pagkatapos or during a party. Mas lalo pa siyang nahiya sa pagbalik ni Andrea at pagkukwento ng buong detalye sa malupitang sexcapade ng isang alaga niya kagabi.

"No, shit. That's hot."

"Stop it, Saryna! It was a mistake! Isa pa, ang balita ay may girlfriend 'yong tao. Ayaw ko ngang matulad sa 'yo 'no! Y'all know that I can't fight at baka kapag sinugod ako ay gaya ng girlfriend ni Valeron ang kalabasan ko!"

"It's ex-girlfriend Queeny! Moving on na si Kervin kaya nga pinatulan ka." Singit ni Holly.

"That's the point. Ayaw kong maging panakip butas."

"Kaya nagpabutas ka na lang?" Si Andrea, halatang kunsumido pa rin sa mga nangyari. Napainom ng kape si Queeny dahil do'n.

Lumawak ang ngisi ko nang sa wakas ay makita ang instagram ng lalaki. Kahit na pitong photos lang mayroon ito ay hindi na rin masama. He looked serious and snob, but he was hella fine. Base rin sa kwento ni Queeny kung ilang beses siyang dinala sa langit ng lalaki ay automatic ten over ten na kaagad siya para sa akin. Hindi ko pa man nakikilala ay pasado na ito sa akin para kay Queeny.

We don't really make a fuss over boys unless it was some real shit. Gaya ng mga gawain ng lalaki, pwede rin naming pagpasa-pasahan ang mga ito kapag ginusto, pero kapag talagang minahal ng isa ay automatic pass kaagad. Doon lang nagkakaro'n ng girl code sa grupo. At kahit na siguro magkaroon ng alitan pagdating sa mga species na 'yon ay pipiliin pa rin namin ang isa't isa kaysa sa kung sinong lalaki lang. Our friendship maybe wild, weird, and not the usual, but we are all fucking solid.

"How about you? What happened to you Saryna? Hindi ka na nag-update kagabi. Nakauwi ka ba ng matiwasay? Did they found out about what we did in the theater?" Andrea asked after putting Queeny aside from the hot seat.

Ako naman ang hindi napakali, muling naalala ang muntik nang halikan naming iyon ng bodyguard ko.

"My parents were busy. Inantok rin ako kaagad pag-uwi kaya hindi na ako nakapag-update."

"Hmm, hindi ka man lang ba napansin na nakainom ni Hozier?" Malaki ang ngising tanong ni Holly. Itinaas niya pa ang sunglasses niya para hintayin at mas makita ng malinaw ang sagot at reaksiyon ko.

"He does, but I didn't confess."

"No shit! What happened?"

"Nothing happened. His father is my boss so basically, I am his boss, too. Kung ayaw niyang sirain ko ang buhay niya ay matuto siyang manahimik."

My girls applauded me for that. Little did they know, I'm already losing the game. Gayunpaman, hindi ko sila binigyan ng pagkakataong malaman iyon. Para sa akin kahit na dehado na ako sa laban ay hindi pa rin ako susuko. Tuloy pa rin ang oplan paalisin sa buhay ko ang demonyong 'yon at iyon ang patuloy kong gagawin.

I met with the dean and told him my proposal about the old theater. Before the day ended, it was already mine. 

Naging malinaw na walang sino man ang makikialam sa kung anong gagawin ko sa lugar na 'yon. It will be forbidden for them to talk or even ask questions about it. Naging malaya ako, kahit paano ay nanalo ng kaunti sa lahat ng mga talo ko simula nang dumating ang salot sa buhay ko.

I called it Splace. Tumahimik muna ako sa sumunod na linggo para maging successful ang plano kong mas ayusin ang old theater at gawing private club para lang sa mga taong gusto kong imbitahan at maka-party. May pagdududa sa lalaki at sa mga magulang ko kung bakit sobrang behaved ko nang mga sumunod na araw, pero pinatunayan kong totoo iyon sa pamamagitan ng pagiging masigasig rin sa pag-aaral. I worked hard just for my monkey business to rise without any other inconvenience. 

My friends helped me with it. Sa pagtatapos ng linggo ay maayos na kaagad iyon. The girls and I lined up as we hug each other while staring at our exclusive and newly renovated space. Ang mga lumang upuan sa theater ay wala na at napalitan ng mga itim at mahahabang couch. 

There was a long stretch of bar full of different kinds of alcohol, a DJ's booth, a large dance floor, and even an exclusive VIP room for me and my friends. The team I got exceeded my expectation. They worked the whole night while there were no students in the campus and it came out beautifully. They renovated the place with flying colors and I can proudly call it my own. Napangiti ako sa pulang neon lights na nakabukas at nasa pinakagitna ng lugar. 

Splace by Rozovsky. 
It added a character to the place. Doon pa lang ay alam mo na kung anong klase ng party ang magaganap sa lugar na ito. And I can't wait to turn up this place!

"Wow... this is better than club x." Andrea mumbled, hindi pa rin makapaniwala na mayroon na kaming sariling tambayan at hindi na lalayo pa pagkatapos ng klase.

"Of course, si Saryna pa ba? Kapag hindi pwede, pipilitin pa rin at gagawan ng paraan. Nobody ever beats a Rozovsky."

"Except a La Casse." I said and then chuckled at that. 

Lumayo ako sa kanila para kunin ang bote ng cuervo na nasa gilid. I poured us some shots on the bar height table. Nagsilapitan sila sa akin. They pick up the shot glass and raised it up in the air. Sa pagtatapos ng pagtunugan ng aming mga baso ay nakangiti naming ininom ang mga shot ng tequilang hawak. Nasundan pa iyon hanggang sa humaba ang usapan. Natapos lang ang lahat nang tumunog ang aking alarm matapos sumapit ang alas sais ng gabi. 

I fixed myself, tossed the keys to Holly, and told her to lock up. Iniwan ko na ang mga ito pagkatapos. Again, dama ko ang pagiging skeptical ni Raglan sa aking pagiging tahimik sa tuwing nagkikita kami. Kung noon ay awtomatikong sumasama ang timpla ko makita ko pa lang siya at halos barahin sa kada salitang lumalabas sa labi niya, ngayon ay wala na akong pakialam. 

If there was something I shouldn't do right now, it was to argue with him. Hindi dahil sumusuko na ako kung hindi dahil ayaw kong magduda siya at mabulilyaso pa ang natitirang kasiyahan ko.

"So ano? You want to come?" I asked Danny, Damien's brother on the other line. 

Dahil hindi ko na mauto si Damien at ma-please na kampihan ako sa ngayon ay si Danny na lang muna ang kakausapin ko. Unlike his brother, this one was just like me. Kahit na anong gawin kong katarantaduhan ay susuportahan ako palibhasa ay sa lahat ng mga anak ni Uncle Stas at Auntie Sofia ay siya ang nagmana sa akin... or ako sa kanya.

"This Friday?"

"Yeah. It'll be lit I promise you, Danny."

"No doubt about that," he heave a sigh. Akala ko ay mabibigo ako pero pagkatapos niyang huminga ng malalim ay pumayag na rin kaagad. 

"I'll ask the boys to come, too."

Napangisi ako sa narinig. "Great! See you Danny!"

"No worries! Alam ba 'to ni grumpy grandpa Damien?"

"Nah, he's currently not on my side so we'll leave him in the dark right now."

He chuckled on the other line. Alam na't dama ang frustrations ko.

"Alright then. I'll see you this Friday."

"See you!"

"You sure you don't want to come tonight? I have fresh joints." he teased. Napabuntong-hininga na lang ako.

"I wish, but you know I can't. Kailangan kong magpakatino para hindi ako mabuko lalo na ang Splace kaya magtitiis muna ako."

"I'll bring you some on Friday, don't worry."

"Thanks, Danny. You're the best!" malambing kong sagot.

"I know. See you, Yna."

Ibinaba ko ang tawag. Damien called me after ten minutes, but it was just something about one of my subject. Nagpapaturo kasi ako dahil napag-aralan na niya iyon at tuwang-tuwa naman itong tumulong. He was happy I'm taking my studies seriously. Hindi niya alam na hindi naman talaga ang pagtino ang main purpose ko sa buhay kung hindi ang pagpapakabait lang sa mga mata nila para hindi ako mahuli sa kabalbalang muli kong sinimulan.

Thursday came. Abala ang lahat para sa gaganaping opisyal na pagbubukas ng Splace kaya naman halos hindi na matinag ang lahat lalo na ang mga kaibigan ko. The people we invited exclusively promised us that they will attend. Kahit naman hindi pumunta ang lahat ay alam kong magiging masaya pa rin ang kasiyahan. 

Queeny was in charge of finding our staff. Si Andrea naman ang bahala sa foods at si Holly ang in charge sa pag-iimbita ng mga kilalang taong pasok sa criteria at tanging magiging welcome sa club na aming binuo.

"I already sent the invitation. Ilan lang ang hindi pa sumasagot, but I'm sure they will not missed it." si Holly.

"Will Damien come?" out of nowhere namang tanong ni Andrea na dahilan ng pagtitig ni Holly rito. Hindi makapaniwala sa bulgarang pagtatanong. Nagkatitigan sila.

I know something happened between Holly and Damien last time, but I didn't really bother to ask the extent of it. Hindi lang dahil super weird kung hindi dahil gusto kong ikahiya ang pinsan ko sa pagiging mulala nito sa buhay. He was older than me, but it seems like he was living under a rock. Ibang-iba at bukod tangi sa lahat ng Rozovsky na kilala ko. Kuya Nio was behaved, but Damien's views in life was a whole new level. Kaunti na lang ay iisipin ko nang ampon siya nila Uncle Stas at Auntie Sofia.

"He doesn't know about this place yet and you guys will not tell him."

Nawala ang ngiti ni Queeny. They all had a huge crush on Damien pero sa kanilang tatlo ay nabawasan nang kaunti ang kay Holly kaya hindi ito masyadong interesado.

"He's still not siding with you?" Si Andrea.

I nodded. "But don't fret. I invited Danny."

"His brother?!"

Agad silang nabuhayang tatlo lalong-lalo na si Holly. Parang naging bituin ang mga mata niya.

"For real, Saryna?"

"Calm your clit, Holly. Katatapos mo pa lang sa kuya gusto mo na agad tikman si Danny."

"Sira! Nothing happened between me and Damien! Isang kiss lang 'yon at sobrang sablay pa!"

"Whatever! Give chance to others naman muna. Also, I don't think kakayanin mo ang isang 'yon."

"Is he really that wild?"

"I am his cousin and that question is weird, but it's for you to find out. Ikwento mo na lang kung paano ka hindi makakalakad kinabukasan kapag nasubukan mo si Danny. I mean ikwento mo sa kanila. I don't want to hear it."

They all blushed at the thought of that. Napaikot na lang ang mga mata ko.

Nagpatuloy ang kwentuhan ng kalandian at pagiging interesado nila sa pinsan ko. They knew Danny even though he was studying in another university. Dito rin sana siya sa Enderun pero dahil narito na si Damien at dito rin talaga ako planong pag-aralin ng mga magulang ko ay minabuting ilayo na ito sa amin para hindi mabaliw si Damien sa sakit ng ulo. 

I didn't drink any alcohol that day because I want to condition myself to the invite only launch of Splace, but I wished I did because what happened the next day changed everything for me. 

And it was because of my stupid bodyguard, yet again.

# CHAPTER 13

Chapter Thirteen

Tequila

"I love seeing you this behaved, Saryna." Mommy said while we were on her favorite coffee shop.

Niyaya niya akong lumabas nang maabutan niya ako kinabukasan na dito na mag-breakfast kasama siya. It has been a long time since we spent some quality time together. Noong bata pa ako ay madalas ako ang kasama niya at close naman kami pero hindi ko alam kung kailan iyon nagbago. As I've said, it has been a long time.

Pinilit kong ngumiti nang makaramdam ako ng guilt habang nakatitig sa kanya. Don't get me wrong. I may have been a real pain in the ass, but I love my parents so much. Ngayong nakikita ko siyang masaya sa pagiging matino ko lately ay sumasaya rin ang puso ko.

"And I miss spending time with you."

"Same, mom." Tanging nasabi ko na lang kahit na gustong magtuloy ng mga salita ko upang humingi na rin ng tawad sa kanya sa pagiging sakit ng kanyang ulo.

"Your father told me that you've been great in school, too. Sobrang proud namin sa 'yo, you already know that right?"

"I do, mommy. And I thank you both for always putting up with me."

Pinagdiin niya ang mga labi at saka inabot ang aking kamay. Kahit na mukhang stressed siya sa akin nitong mga nakaraan ay napakaganda pa rin ni mommy. No wonder why I am so damn beautiful, too. Her genes and my father combined was a masterpiece. Hindi na rin nakapagtataka na natisod niya ang isang Thelonious Auxerre Rozovsky. They were perfect for each other.

"I know you're mad with your father's decision on you having a bodyguard and I know you don't like to follow rules, but please understand that we only do this because we love you. I don't want to see you again in the hospital or worst, somewhere else, Yna. Masyado ng maraming nangyari sa pamilya natin at ang lahat ng gulo noon ay ayaw ko nang masaksihang muli. I want all of you to live a good and quality life away from all the chaos this world has. Hangga't maaari ay gusto kong mamuhay kayo ng tahimik ng mga kapatid mo. Peace and joy is what I really wanted for all of you. Kahit iyon lang kaya huwag mo sanang masamain ang mga paghihigpit namin sa 'yo ng daddy mo."

I get it. Alam ko namang tama rin ang mga ginagawa nila, but this is me. I like living my own way and even though I know they were just worried, alam ko rin sa sarili kong kaya kong harapin ng mag-isa ang lahat. I can handle myself and there's no need for anyone to be bothered about my life. Kahit na gano'n ay nagpakumbaba ako. I don't want to hurt her anymore.

"I know mom. Gusto ko ring malaman n'yo na kaya ko ang sarili ko at pagkatiwalaan n'yo ako palagi. I can handle myself, really."

Mom's smile faded a bit. Nagkalat ang pag-aalala sa kanyang mukha pero pilit pa rin akong iniintindi.

"I trust you Yna, I do, but not this world and most of the people in it. Seeing you at the hospital was the end of the line for me. Ayaw ko nang mangyari ulit 'yon."

"It was just a misunderstanding mom. Hindi na 'yon mauulit, I promise you."

Kahit na hindi pa rin siya palagay ay hindi na lang rin ito nakipagtalo dahil baka masira pang pareho ang araw namin. 

The chit-chat went on. Napag-usapan namin ang pag-aaral ko, ang mga kaibigan ko at kung paano ako nag-a-adjust. It was just a casual and fun conversation until she mentioned Raglan—who was currently sitting across the coffee shop and waiting for us to finish. 

Damuhong 'yon. Nag-iinit pa rin ang dugo at buong pagkatao ko sa tuwing nakikita siya.

"How's your new bodyguard? Is he giving you a hard time?" Tanong niyang hindi ko alam kung paano sasagutin. 

"You know he is and I want him replaced, but daddy didn't want to."

"He's one of the best and it's hard to replace him."

"He's not the best for me and I still hate daddy for not replacing him, but I'll compromise."

Mommy smiled at that. She looks proud on how I deal with things now. Hindi niya alam na may making dahilan iyon na pabor rin sa akin kaya ako nagkokontrol at nagtitiis.

"You remind me of myself when I was your age. Ganyan rin katigas ang ulo ko noong itinataboy ako ng daddy mo."

Kahit paano ay gumaan ang pakiramdam ko sa pagbabago ng topic naming dalawa. Nakangiti akong nakinig.

"Can you believe he even named me slave on his phone because I kept bugging him?"

"Daddy and uncle Syver already told me about that. You're really just as stubborn as me mom."

She chuckled while nodding and walking down her memory lane. 

"I am. And I'm glad I didn't stop being your father's pain in the ass. Kung sumuko ako ay baka wala kayo."

"You're a fighter. We all are mommy so please," inabot ko ang kanyang kamay bago magpatuloy. "Please trust me a little bit more. I can handle myself mom and I know better now."

"I hope so, Yna... I hope so." Iyon na lang ang tanging nasabi ni mommy para sang-ayunan ako't matahimik.

Nagpatuloy pa ang mga pag-uusap hanggang sa kinailangan na naming maghiwalay. As usual, tahimik pa rin ako sa sasakyan habang nag-da-drive and salot sa buhay ko. I was minding my own business when I caught his eyes through the rear-view mirror looking at me. My left eyebrow raised at that.

"May problema ka?"

"There's a sudden change in your schedule today. May I know why your last class will be longer than usual?"

"Gusto mo bang mag-sit in na lang para wala ka nang marami pang tanong?" I spat, irritated because his presence was already enough to piss me off.

"I'm just asking."

"And I'm proposing something so you would stop bugging me today. You know how I hate talking to you."

That shut him up. May kung anong tagumpay sa puso ko ang nabuo dahil sa pagkatalo niya. Good thing my harsh attitude worked on him today, but I know he will not stop asking more questions. Napaghandaan ko naman na ito kaya walang problema.

I left my phone with one of my classmate so he could track me where he wanted me to be. Hindi na ako dumalo sa mga sumunod kong klase para um-attend sa launching ng Splace. Danny was already there when I got to the place at ang mga haliparot kong mga kaibigan ay pinuputakti na ito. 

"Finally! She's here!" bulalas ni Holly na siyang unang lumayo kay Danny para batiin ako. 

I greeted and kissed them as well as my cousin. He gave me a shot and applauded me for what I have done. He was proud of me and that boosted my confidence.

"I brought enough for your visitors tonight." bulong niya sa akin habang nakaakbay. 

Itinuro niya ang kabilang side ng bar area at nakita ko ang ilang pamilyar na mga mukha na siyang in charge sa dala niyang pagpipiyestahan rin naming lahat ngayon. I kissed him on the cheeks.

"You're the best."

He smirked. "I know. Congratulations."

Pagkatapos no'n ay nagpahila na ako kay Holly sa gitna ng stage. The music went down and all the lights were turned to my direction. I greeted everyone and they all cheered for me.

"I'm not good at giving speeches, but thank you all for coming tonight. I also wanted to thank my friends for helping me with building Splace and for the support that they've given me. I don't want to be emotional tonight and I know you're all eager to party so I want to end this with a toast! May you drown with alcohol and high with mj you motherfuckers! Cheers!"

"Cheers!" masayang sagot ng mga ito sa akin pagkatapos ay sabay-sabay naming ininom ang mga hawak na alak bago muling bumagsak ang kantang siyang nagpahiyaw at nag-hype sa lahat.

I went back to our table. Kaliwa't kanan kaagad ang nainom kong alak. Danny and Andrea was flirting on the other side while Holly and Queeny was looking at them with envy. Kung hindi ko pa hinila ang mga ito patungo sa dance floor ay baka mamatay na ang mga ito sa inggit dahil sa dalawa. I know my cousin and my girls shouldn't be sad by Danny giving all his attention to one. He's a womanizer and he was generous on giving his time especially to girls so I know the two will also be getting their turn. Hindi nga lang ngayong gabi, but who knows?

Hindi ko na namalayan ang oras. Hindi pa man ako nakakahithit ng marijuanang umiikot na sa kabuuan ng Splace ay natatamaan na ako sa tequila at kung ano-ano pang mga klase ng alak na hindi ko tinanggihan sa mga nang-alok. 

I didn't expect for Splace to be jam-packed tonight. Oo at marami kaming pinadalhan ng exklusibong imbitasyon pero hindi ko pa rin akalaing halos lahat ay pumunta dahil nalalapit na rin ang examination. I guess partying was still the top priority of my kind of people. 

Wala pang alas siete ay bahagya nang umiikot ang paningin ko habang nakikipagsayaw sa dance floor. I've meet with new faces, but I flirted with none. Hindi dahil sawa na ako sa mga lalaki pero dahil alam kong mabibitin ako ngayong araw. I only have thirty minutes to stay and I don't think someone could please me with that time frame. Nakipagkaibigan na lang ako't inuman sa mga nakasalamuha ko. I almost drink a whole bottle of tequila after settling back on our table.

Again, I was in my world. My heart was at peace and I am happy. Iyon nga lang, kinailangan ko nang putulin iyon nang tawagin na ako ng bantay namin sa building at sabihing hinahanap na ako ng napag-iwanan ko ng aking telepono. Apparently, my last class was already done and I needed to leave. 

Pilit kong inayos ang sarili. Halos maligo ako sa pabango bago lumabas ng club.

It was a little bit dark outside and the silence was killing me. Kakaunti na lang rin ang tao at halos sa labas dahil tapos na ang mga klase sa ganitong oras. 

Nagpatuloy ako sa paglalakad sa mahaba at paikot na hagdan imbes na sumakay sa elevator. Ang totoo ay ayaw pang manahimik ng katawan ko at kung pupwede nga lang ay hanggang madaling araw akong mananatili rito. I don't want to go home yet at mas lalong ayaw kong makita ang lalaking tinik sa buhay ko ngayon. Unfortunately, I have no choice.

A classmate escorted me outside the building until I reached the parking lot. Nagpaalam si April, ang iniwanan ko ng aking telepono nang makita na niya ang paglabas ng bodyguard ko sa aming sasakyan. 

Kahit na lasing ay parang tumino ang utak ko nang matitigan ang kanyang matipunong bulto. I was ten minutes late, but I was never on time so I thought he was used to it. Boy, I was wrong. 

Kung akala ko ay pasasakayin niya na lang ako at walang tanong akong ihahatid pauwi ay imbes na pagbuksan ng pintuan ay hinarangan niya pa ang aking daraanan.

I cursed when I remember that I haven't brushed my teeth or even take some breath strips. Bukod sa pabango ay wala na akong ginawa dahil nagmamadali na ako. At isang salita ko lang ngayon ay mababalewala ang paliligo ko dahil amoy alak ang bibig ko. 

Fuck.

I stared him down instead, but the fucker wouldn't budge.

"What?" I said, only talking with my lower lip.

Naningkit ang mga mata niya. I prayed that he wouldn't smell the alcohol in my system, but he was a smart ass. Bago pa ako muling makasinghal ay gumalaw na siya upang pagbuksan ako ng pintuan pero imbes na hayaang matiwasay na makapasok sa loob ay nagitla ako nang maramdaman ang mainit niyang kamay sa aking palapulsuhan.

"Where have you been this time, Saryna?" he said in a low and dangerous tone, enough for my knees to weakened.

I chuckled to hide my nervousness. "Where do you think I have been? Hindi na ba gumagana ang tracking device mo o pati sarili mo pinagdududahan mo na rin? Are you really that paranoid?"

Nag-igting ang kanyang panga. Hindi ako nagpatinag at pilit lang hinawi ang kamay niyang nakahawak sa akin pero muli niyang ibinalandra ang mga kamay sa pintuan para hindi ako makapasok.

"Be honest with me this time, saan ka nanggaling at bakit lasing ka na naman?"

Muli akong natawa at akma nang pabubulaanan ang mga espekulasyon niya pero sunod ko na lang naramdaman ang pagdiin ng mainit niya katawan sa akin at ang walang sabi niyang pagsunggab sa aking mga labi dahilan para mawalan ako ng lakas at tuluyan nang mapakapit sa kanyang katawan!

Everything inside me was screaming so loud that all I could do was closed my eyes and pray that everything was just a dream. 

It was not. 

Isang ungol ang kumawala sa aking bibig nang imbes na halikan lang ang mga labi ko ay walang pasabing pumasok pa ang mapaglaro niyang dila sa loob ng aking bibig. He made me moan again when I felt it run across my teeth and before battling with my unprepared tongue. 

I know I was a good kisser, but Raglan's lips made me damn lost. It humbled me so much that all I felt was fever when he finally let go of my mouth after the straight away punishing kiss. Mas humigpit ang kapit ko sa kanyang balikat nang awtomatikong lumihis ang kanyang mukha patungo sa aking leeg.

"Fucking tequila..." he hissed dangerously on my ear, making my heart weak once again.

# CHAPTER 14

Chapter Fourteen

The Kiss

"Bastos ka!" Isang malakas na sampal ang lumipad sa pisngi ni Raglan nang makabawi ako't maitulak siya palayo. 

My hand went numb right after it fell back on my side. Sa lakas ay agad namula ang kanyang kanang pisngi pero kahit na masakit ay para lang iyong kalabit sa kanya. He was literally as hard as a stone!

"Isusumbong kita kay daddy! You harassed me you fucker! Pagbabayaran mo 'to! You're a maniac! I hate you! I hate you!"

"Shut the fuck up!" Mas malakas niyang sigaw matapos hawakan ang magkabila kong balikat at bahagyang yugyugin! Knocking some of my senses out!

Sa lakas ng kanyang boses na umalingawngaw sa tahimik na parking lot ay parang nangatog ang mga kalamnan ko. Sinabayan pa ng kanyang boses ang kanyang madilim na presensiya kaya marahas kong naitikom ang aking bibig.

"You're drunk and you know how fuck up that is, Saryna. Saan ka uminom? Tell me where the hell have you been and who you are with?"

"Wala kang karapatang kwestiyunin ako!"

Mas lalong nagngitngit ang kanyang panga dahil doon. Siguro kung hindi lang ito ang trabaho niya ay nasaktan na niya ako ng pisikal. I could sense his instense anger towards me. At mas lalo ang pagkaupos ng kanyang pasensiya. 

"Sino ka ba sa akala mo, huh?! You're just my father's employee—"

"Who can ruin your life in a second!" He cut me off. Dama kong may kung anong nagpintig sa aking tainga.

"And I can ruin yours too! I fucking will!"

"Like how, huh? By telling your father that I kissed you? You think he'll believe that?" singhal niya pabalik pagkatapos ay binitiwan ako't umatras palayo.

"How dare you!" kuyom ang mga kamao kong sagot.

"You are drunk and I'm sure this is not the first time you used your charm to make someone bend on your knees. Kung mapaniwala mo man ang daddy mo na hinalikan kita, tingin mo matatago no'n ang ginawa mo ngayon? You think he'll let this one pass again? No. Whatever you say and do, you'll still be in a big trouble. I'm pretty damn sure your mom will not like it regardless of what I have done."

"Fuck you!"

"You can't. And that will never going to happen." he spat, making my tears formed because of too much anger. I despised him so much! 

"Now be honest with me, saan ka galing at saan ka uminom? This is not the first time and you can't fool me now."

I ripped my eyes off of him. I'm seconds into punching his stupid-annoying face, but I know I can't. Kahit na iyon na lang ang gusto kong gawin at kaya ko naman ay alam kong mas trained siyang iwasan iyon. I'm sure I'd lost again at ayaw ko nang dagdagan pa ang pagkatalo kong muli sa harapan niya.

"You can't speak now?"

"I said it's none of your business. Iuwi mo na ako at huwag ka nang magtanong!"

"Fine, but don't blame me if I go straight to your father and tell him that you're drunk and also probably high."

"I am not high! Uminom lang ako pero hindi ako nag-tsongke!" nagngingitngit kong balik ng matalim na titig sa kanya, hindi na naisip pa ang mga sinabi dahil galit na galit na ako

Fuck! I want to kill him!

"Tell me about it then. Be honest with me because we are not going home without your confession."

Imbes na magsalita ay pumasok na lang ako sa sasakyan. Bago ko masara ang pintuan ay naagapan na niya iyon.

"You're really this stubborn aren't you?"

"Leave me alone Raglan."

"I'm giving you a chance, Saryna. Maging totoo ka lang sa akin ngayon ay palalagpasin ko ang lahat ng ginawa mo. I won't tell your parents you get drunk and disobeyed their rules. You will not get in any trouble just tell me what I wanted to hear."

Naghalukipkip ako sa harapan niya dahilan para siya'y mapabuntong-hininga. Akala ko ay mananalo na ako pero mabilis na kumalat ang takot sa aking kabuuan nang lumayo siya para kunin ang kanyang telepono. Seconds later, my father was on the other line.

"Yes, Mr. Rozovsky. We're on our way home medyo na-late lang pero kasama ko na si Saryna," he pulled his phone away to let me see it was really my father on the other line. "Do you want to talk to her, sir?" He said and then put my father on a loud speaker.

"No need for that. Just get home soon. Tell her Somerset is here and is waiting for her."

Tuluyan nang gumuho ang mundo ko dahil doon. Kahit na gusto kong sumigaw at isumbong kay daddy ang ginawa niyang paghalik sa akin ay hindi ko ginawa dahil tama siya, my father wouldn't buy it. Alam kong imbes na sisihin niya ito ay sa akin lang mapupunta ang lahat. 

Raglan was right. If he will lie and tell my father that I kissed him to gain myself a favor, he'll believe it. Ilang beses ko na rin kasing nagawa 'yon at palagi akong nakakalusot pero ngayon ay alam kong wala na akong kawala. Raglan already cornered me and I'm doomed.

Para akong natauhan nang ma-imagine ang umiiyak at disappointed na namang mukha ni mommy kaya tinanggap ko na lang ang muli kong pagkatalo.

"Yes sir. I have something to report to you, too." the man said now glancing at me to give me an ultimatum before he hang up his phone.

"You ready to confess now?" tanong niya sa muling paglapit sa akin isang minuto ang nakalipas at kahit na labag pa rin sa loob ko ay wala na akong nagawa kung hindi ang umamin.

I told him that he was right about me being drunk, but I lied and said that my friends just brought alcohol inside the university and we drunk it inside our classroom. Kahit na may pagdududa rin sa kanya ay hindi na ito nagsalita. 

We were both silent on our way back home. Saka lang ako nakapagsalitang muli nang huminto na ang aming sasakyan sa garahe.

"So... are you telling dad about this?" I asked after he opened the door for me.

"I'll think about it."

"I am not lying, Raglan. Gusto ko lang uminom kaya nagpadala ako ng alak sa mga kaibigan ko at sila ang kasama ko—"

"You could've just drink your father's liquor stash if you're that thirsty."

"But I want it to be with my friends. It has been a while since I did something fun with them so please give me a break. Nangako kang kapag sinabi ko ang totoo ay bibigyan mo ako ng chance kaya huwag mong sirain ang mga salita mo."

"Beg for it then."

My jaw dropped at that. There has been no soul that made me so low, but in this case I have no choice. I am really at my lowest and as much as I hated it, I have to really beg for it.

"Don't tell my dad."

"You're forgetting some words."

Fuck you and your stupid angst. 
My mind screamed.

"Please?" nasusuka kong paglunok sa aking pride para lang masabi iyon. 

He did not respond to me. Isinara niya ang pintuan pero bago ako muling talikuran ay nag-iwan pa ng mga salita.

"Do it again and you're done Saryna, you understand?"

I forced myself to nod to end the conversation. Nanghihina akong napasandal sa kotse nang talikuran na niya ako't mauna siyang umibis palayo at papasok sa bahay. My family was already waiting for me, but I gave myself some time to focus and fix my thoughts. After five minutes pa ako naging handa matapos kong maubos ang pangalawang bubble gum. I sprayed more perfume on my body.

Ate Somerset was there together with my other siblings. Ate Nia was sitting beside mom and kuya Nio was seated on my father's left. I kissed all of them. Mabuti na rin dahil buong durasyon ay nasa kanya ang atensiyon ng lahat at wala sa akin. 

"How's the uni, Yna?" she asked, natigil ang mga kalutangan ko sa hapag.

All I wanted right now was to sleep because the tequila was still kicking in, but I had no choice but to join them.

"It's good, ate. How's Russia?"

"It's great. I kind of love being there."

"Babalik ka rin ba kaagad bukas?"

"Yeah. I'm just checking in. I've missed a lot of news about you."

"I am fine ate. I can handle myself."

"Tell me you got that bitch good?"

I smirked at that. I was about to tell her proudly about how I put Valeron's girlfriend in the hospital, but father cleared his throat to stop the conversation. He doesn't want my mother to get upset kaya kahit na gustong-gusto ko ring magkwento sa kapatid kong alam kong kahit paano ay maiintindihan ako ay hindi ko na ginawa. 

The dinner went well. Ate Soms decided to sleep in my room just like the old times, but she left before one am after she got an overseas call.

Napadilat ako. I should be sleeping right now, but I just can't. Iba yata ang tama sa akin ng alak ngayon... o kaya naman ng halik na 'yon. 

Remembering how Raglan savored my lips earlier made me wide awake. Kahit na nakapaglinis na ako ng katawan ay dama ko pa rin ang init ng kanya sa akin. Kahit na nakapag-toothbrush na ako ay isang pikit lang parang nasa bibig ko pa rin ang mga labi't dila niya. 

I felt my cheeks burned at the thought. I still could feel myself getting weak as his lips was pressed on mine. His body heat was intoxicating and his tongue gave me real punishment. At ito na 'yon. Kahit na mabilis lang ang mga pangyayari ay hindi ko madaling makalimutan. It was punishing me right now. There was something in that kiss that marked me. 

Fuck, I am doomed. 

Imbes kasi na magalit, bakit parang may kung ano sa aking gustong maulit ang lahat ng 'yon? Bakit parang gusto kong gawin ulit ng hindi ako nakainom? 

I know he wasn't pleased with that lame kiss and he only did that to prove a point, but I don't think he disliked it. 

Kung hindi ako lasing at nasagot ko ang halik niyang iyon ay tingin ko'y hindi niya rin ito makakalimutan gaya ko. My mind screamed again because of what I was thinking. 

I was kissed by the man I hated the most and I liked it. What fucked up is that even though I know it was a huge mistake, my inner demons was urging me to do it again. Not for the sake of a proper kiss or whatnot, but for revenge and to save myself from losing more. And I am fucking down for it.

# CHAPTER 15

Chapter Fifteen

Payback Time

Mas naging bantay sarado ako ni Raglan. Holly and the girl's conversation was all about the party that ended almost three in the morning while my head was elsewhere. Para bang hindi ko naririnig ang mga sinasabi nila dahil may ibang agenda ang utak ko.

Ang mga naisip ko kagabi tungkol sa paghalik kay Raglan bilang pagganti ay hindi ko nakalimutan. It just became solid in my head and overtime, my determination to do it just doubled.

"Uy! Okay ka lang? Why are you being so silent?"

"Saryna is definitely jealous of us kaya ganyan." Holly joked.

Siguro kung noon ay talagang maiinggit ako dahil umaalis ako sa party na may araw na, pero ngayon? Nah. I don't even care about partying right now. Ni hindi na nga 'yon pumapasok sa utak ko dahil masyado na itong okupado ng ibang bagay.

I rolled my eyes at Holly. "Ate Soms is here. Sakto lang rin na hindi ako nagtagal kagabi."

"Hmm, I see. Pero what happened nga? Bakit parang ang tahimik mo naman? It's so not you."

"Wala. I just don't have the energy to talk today."

"Something definitely happened." Andrea concluded.

Imbes na mawala tuloy sa akin ang atensiyon nila ay sa akin iyon napunta. I honestly don't want to talk about it, but I ended up telling them what really happened after I left the club.

"Holy mother of Christopher! He kissed you?!" Queeny blurted. "Your super hot and gorgeous ex-US army sniper bodyguard kissed you?!"

"Is it that unbelievable? You know men would die for my lips so why does your statement sounded like I am lying?"

Nagtawanan sila. "We just couldn't believe it, Saryna! He's way older than you and the audacity of him kissing you would put him on death row! Anong sabi ni Tito Thelonious?"

"That's the point. I didn't told anyone about it except you guys."

"No shit..."

"So what it's like? Tell us about it you bitch! Masarap ba? Is he a good kisser? First base lang ba or you're keeping secrets from us now?"

Nagniningning ang mga mata nila habang naghihintay ng sagot sa mga tanong na iyon. Of course I didn't told them the truth. Hindi ko sinabing under ako ng lalaking 'yon. Mas lalong hindi ko ipapaalam na kahit kailan ay hindi ko ito natalo at napaikot sa kamay ko gaya ng mga taong nagdaan sa akin. I told them lies to protect myself except the truth that I liked the kiss.

"You better be careful! Baka ipatapon ka na lang talaga ni Tito Thelonious bigla sa ibang bansa kapag nalaman niyang may nauto ka na naman at napapaikot sa mga kamay mo ngayon."

"Ugh! I can't wait to hear more Saryna! I know you don't really patol to your father's employee, but if I was in your shoes magiging marupok rin ako. That man was a living proof that God exist! He's gorgeous as hell at very unpredictable and mysterious pa! Parang kailan lang bantay sarado ka do'n at ano mang oras ay kaya kang isumbong kay Tito at Tita pero ngayon ay hawak mo na siya sa leeg! Iba ka talaga!"

"Of course Queeny! No one could ever resist my charm and you know that. Ngayon pa lang ulol na ulol na sa akin ang lalaking 'yon. Baka hindi pa nakatulog dahil sa halik ko kagabi."

"Oh my god! Thinking about it makes me horny!"

Holly rolled her eyes at Andrea. "Haliparot ka eh nakailang rounds nga kayo ni Danny kagabi!  You whore!"

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa narinig. I know where the conversation was heading and as much as I wanted to stop it, wala na akong nagawa.

Danny fucked one of my friend and I know he will taste all of them. Hindi naman nakapagtataka dahil malalandi ang mga ito at liberated din gaya ko pero hindi pa rin talaga ako palagay na pag-usapan ang mga ganitong klaseng bagay. Kung ibang lalaki ay okay lang pero kung tungkol sa isa sa pamilya ko? I'm not interested. It was weird hearing stories about Danny and how he made Andrea came mulitiple times, but I have no choice. Kahit gusto ko nang umalis ay hindi ko nagawa. My friends chose to torture me with my cousin's wild sexcapade and I think I deserved it for lying about Raglan being so attracted to me.

Nakahinga lang ako ng maluwag nang magsimula na ang aming klase. Kahit na busy at nakikinig naman ako sa lecture ay lumilipad pa rin ng kusa ang utak sa kung saan.

I absentmindedly bit my lip when I remember the scene again. Now that my head was repeating our quick kissing scene unconciously, parang gusto kong ikahiya ang sarili ko dahil hindi man lang ako nakasagot ng maayos sa biglaang paghalik na 'yon. If I was able to reply to that, I know every head he has would be blown away. I'm a damn good kisser. Paninindigan ko 'yon at hindi na ako makapaghintay na mapatunayan iyon sa kanya. 

"Hi Hozier!" Malambing na bati ni Andrea rito matapos naming malapitan pagkatapos ng klase. 

Splace was closed today kaya maaga at sabay-sabay kaming napunta sa parking lot para umuwi. They said they will not go anywhere tonight dahil napilit kong mag-aral ang mga ito hindi dahil gusto kong pumasa sila kung hindi dahil pagod na akong mainggit kung saan sila pupunta ng wala ako. 

"You're looking good, Hozier! Favorite mo talaga ang red 'no? It suits you especially now..." makahulugang dagdag naman ni Queeny matapos punahin ang pulang polo shirt at relo nitong suot sabay baling sa akin.

"Pag-ibig nga naman..." sulsol na bulong ni Andrea.

Kumunot ang noo ni Raglan, nalilito pero hindi na lang pinansin.

Ako naman ay tahimik lang, takot na makagawa ng kung anong dahilan para mabisto ang mga kasinungalingan kong patay na patay sa akin ang lalaki.

"Hi. Thanks for the compliment." He answered casually.

Kilala na niya ang mga kaibigan ko pero kung gaano kasama ang turing niya sa akin ay gano'n naman siya kabait sa mga ito. He always smiles at them and he never did that to me. Sa akin ay lagi iyong sarkastiko at naghahamon. 

What if kaya gano'n ay dahil talagang gusto niya nga ako? What if it was love at first sight? I mean it kind of make sense. The more you hate the more you love, right?

Natigil ako sa kabaliwan nang mas mapalapit pa kami sa lalaki.

Holly smirked at him and said, "You better take care of our friend, alright? Don't disappoint her and please take it easy." Malisyoso nitong sabi dahilan para hatakin ko siya nang akma niya pang hahawakan ang braso ng lalaki.

Umalingawngaw ang tawa nilang tatlo sa parking lot nang itulak ko silang lahat palayo sa amin.

"Go home bitches! Mag-aral kayo ng mabuti dahil nakakahiya kapag hindi kayo nakapasa sa midterms! I'll disown you all."

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang hatakin ni Holly ang braso ko.

"Hindi ko alam na selosa ka pala. Para hahawakan lang kung matigas ang braso." Ngising asong bulong sa akin ni Holly na siyang huli kong naitulak dahil panay pa ang balik kaya wala na akong choice kung hindi ang kaladkarin siya palayo.

I almost slapped my forehead when Holly gestured her hands pointing two fingers on Hozier and then back to her eyes. Telling him that she is now watching him closely. Patuloy namang humagikhik ang dalawa ko pang kaibigan at ngising-ngisi habang palayo.

"What the hell was that?"

"I don't know. Bakit hindi sila ang tanungin mo." Masungit kong sagot sa aking pagharap sa kanya.

"You shove them away before I could even ask."

Nilagpasan ko siya at ako na mismo ang nagbukas ng pintuan ng sasakyan para makasakay doon.

"Well, it's not my problem anymore." I said before shutting the door.

Shit! I'm going to kill those bitches! Muntik na akong mabuko!

As usual, tahimik ako sa likuran samantalang ang lalaki ay ilang beses kong nahuling sumusulyap sa akin at patuloy pa ring nakikiramdam.

I cleared my throat after I caught him stared at me at a red light.

"Baka matunaw na ako katititig mo."

He didn't rebut. Nanatiling tikom lang ang kanyang bibig. Speaking of, pagkatapos tuloy no'n ay ako naman ang tulirong napatitig sa kanyang mga labi. 

It was the second time I stared at those babies and he really has a nice and soft lips. Tanda ko pa kung gaano kalambot ang kanyang mga labi kahit na ilang segundo niya lang akong hinalikan. Kahit na naninigarilyo ay hindi rin iyon maitim. It was almost as red as his shirt right now.

I wonder how it taste now that I'm sober? 
Wala sa sariling napalunok ako sa aking mga kabalbalan.

"Baka matunaw na ako katititig mo." Balik niya nang ako naman ang mahuling nakatitig sa kanya.

Umikot lang ang mga mata ko't agad na inilihis ang mga mata patungo sa bintana. Hindi na ako nakipagtalo sa kanya dahil mas kailangan kong mag-focus sa mga ganting gagawin ko. 

Pag-uwi ay iyon na kaagad ang aking inatupag. Apparently, guarding me was the only job he has. Kung nasaan ako ay naroon rin siya at kung wala akong ginagawa ay gano'n rin ito. Saka lang kami hindi nagkikita kapag nasa kuwarto na ako pero kapag wala ay lagi siyang nakabuntot sa akin at nagbabantay. It was ridiculous, but it was what my father told him to do.

I was behaved the whole dinner and even after that. Magiliw akong nagkwento sa pamilya ko kung anong nangyari sa buong araw ko. I called Damien and I'm happy to hear that he missed me. Kahit na napilit ko siyang sabihin 'yon ay parehas pa rin ang kahulugan. Kahit na paulit-ulit at alam niyang hindi na ako magbabago ay mahal na mahal niya pa rin ako. And that was the reason why I love him so much, too. Nakakainis kapag mahigpit minsan pero naiintindihan ko naman. 

I went downstairs after the call to search for Raglan, but kuya Pancho said he was eating his dinner. Napangisi ako. Tamang-tama iyon sa gagawin kong planong pagganti sa kanya. I told the latter to announce to the man that I'll go for a swim.

Dahil nakaayos na ang mga damit ko ay mabilis akong nakababa ulit at nakapunta sa pool. It was already ten in the evening at alam kong hahanapin niya ako kaya naghintay akong matapos siya. Our pool was only eight ft. deep, but my father wouldn't allow me to swim alone. 

Simula pa naman noong bata ako dahil kahit na marunong akong lumangoy ay ako ang madalas mamulikat sa mga kapatid ko. There was an instance that I almost drowned because of it kaya simula no'n at hanggang ngayon ay hindi na ako hinahayaang lumangoy ng mag-isa ng mga magulang ko. But since they were already sleeping, malaya akong nakatalon sa tubig kahit na walang bantay at magagalit. Alam kong alam ni Raglan ang tungkol doon kaya sure akong hahanapin niya ako. 

Gaya ng pagdalo sa pamilya ko sa dinner, ngayon ko na lang ulit naliguan ang pool namin. Gano'n siguro yata kapag tumatanda na, nag-iiba na rin ang mga trip sa buhay. Noon kasi ay halos tatlong beses sa isang linggo akong mag-swimming dito pero ngayong taon ay bilang na lang iyon sa daliri. I realized that swimming with someone who watches you was corny. And that made me avoid it, but tonight was an exemption.

Hinayaan ko ang sariling magparoo't parito sa aming 50ft x 30ft pool habang naghihintay sa lalaki. I'm sure he'd gone crazy once he finally realize that I wasn't in my room. 

Nagbilang ako ng oras. Dama ko na ang pagod at bahagyang pangangalay ng aking mga paa pero hindi umahon. Nagsisimula na akong mainip pero nang sa wakas ay matanaw ang bulto ng lalaking hinihintay ko ay muli akong lumusong sa ilalim ng tubig. Binilang ko ang tingin ko'y kalahating minuto bago niya ako makita. 

Lumangoy ako pabalik sa dulo kung saan ang may pinakamalalim na parte. I then started to pretend that I was drowning malayo pa lang siya para mas maging kapanipaniwala kapag nalapitan na niya ako. Nabagot ako ng kaunti dahil sa hindi niya pagmamadaling sagipin ako pero sa aking bahagyang pag-ahon ay nakita ko na itong tumatakbo palapit.

Napangisi ako nang sunod na marinig ang paglusong nito sa tubig. I continued pretending that I was drowning. Hindi na ako gumalaw para kunwaring kanina pa ako nalulunod kaya nang mahawakan niya ang aking katawan ay kunwaring wala na akong malay.

I forced myself not to feel something when his heat finally touches mine. Hinila niya ako papunta sa mababaw na parte at nang maabot na niya ang sahig ay nagmamadali niya akong inilipat sa kanyang harapan upang buhatin at iahon sa tubig. He moved with urgency. He was silent, but I could feel the tension in his body. 

Inilapag niya ako sa gilid ng pool. Sinubukang gisingin pero dahil hindi naman talaga ako nawalan ng malay ay hindi ako magising-gising.

"Saryna, come on." He said, now tapping my cheeks and still trying to wake me up. 

Hindi ako huminga. Parang gusto ko ulit sumali sa theater club dahil nahasa ko na naman ang galing ko sa pag-arte. I prepared myself for what he was about to do next. And that is to clear my airways. He tried pumping my chest. Tumawag siya ng tulong pero sa mga oras na ito ay tulog na ang ilan naming mga kasambahay at kung mayroon may ay nasa kabilang banda ang maid's quarter kaya wala ring makakarinig. My father's men were on the other side of the house, too. Hindi niya rin ako pwedeng iwan para humingi ng tulong dahil oras ang kalaban sa mga taong nalunod. They needed first aid, cardiopulmonary resuscitation, and mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. And when he finally did the last one. Nagbunyi na ang utak ko.

I let him clear my airways using his mouth twice. Kahit na masakit na ang dibdib ko sa ginagawa niya ay hindi ko muna pinutol ang pag-arte. Nag-e-enjoy ako sa pagkataranta niya.

"Come on... Breathe, Saryna." Gigil na niyang sambit.

He pinched my nose, opened my mouth for the third time and when I felt his mouth again, agad ko nang ipinulupot ang mga kamay ko sa kanyang leeg. 

Ikinagulat niya ang ginawa ko dahilan para hindi siya makagalaw ng walang sabi kong gawin ang mga ginawa niya sa akin kahapon.

I shove my tongue inside his mouth to catch and play with his. He was taken aback. Nanghihinang napatukod ang mga kamay niya sa magkabila kong gilid, but it was already too late to resist.

Malaya ko siyang hinalikan sa paraang alam kong hindi niya matatanggihan. Iginalaw ko ang aking dila sa loob ng kanyang bibig, making him know that I'm a good kisser and this is how a kiss should be. 

I suck his tongue and encircled mine into his before attacking his lips with so much passion and desire. Humigpit ang kapit ko sa kanyang leeg para mas pag-igihan 'yon. I tilted my head to get the most of it. Mas lalo siyang hindi nakagalaw.

It was just a fifteen second kiss, but I already felt victorious when his low moan vibrated on my throat after I bit his lip and sucking it again. 

Marahas ko siyang itinulak nang makuntento ako't makuha na ang gusto. Napaupo siya sa bermuda grass dahil sa aking ginawa. Tikom pa rin ang kanyang bibig, hinihingal, namumula, at mukhang hindi pa rin mahuli ang katinuan pagkatapos kong halikan. Sa kanyang hitsura ay alam kong sa wakas nanalo na rin ako.

"That is how our first kiss should be. Masyadong walang kwenta 'yong ginawa mo kahapon at hindi ako nakaganti kaya inulit ko lang," umahon ako sa pagkakaupo at ngumisi. "Thanks for saving me. Alam kong quits na tayo dahil mukhang nasarapan ka naman sa bayad ko. Have a good night, Raglan."

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