DISCLAIMER

DISCLAIMER

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, business, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. All characters and events in this story are entirely fictional.

WARNING: THIS IS A TRANSGENDER X STRAIGHT MAN STORY AND THIS STORY IS NOT SUITABLE FOR YOUNG READERS, NARROW-MINDED PEOPLE, HOMOPHOBIC, TRANSPHOBIC. THIS STORY HAS A EXPLICIT SEXUAL SITUATION AND STRONG LANGUAGE.

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author.

WARNING: THIS STORY IS NOT EDITED SO YOU MIGHT SEE THAT THERE’S A BIG ERROR ON SOME DETAILS OR MAYBE IN THE PLOT ITSELF. IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A CLEAN AND WELL-WRITTEN STORY, I HIGHLY SUGGEST THAT YOU’LL DROP THE STORY.

Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

Mine

“Pasensya ka na, hija. Wala nang bakante rito na puwede mong maupahan. Nakuha na kanina. Naunahan ka niya magbigay ng paunang bayad,” the old landlady said with an apologetic tone. Her face showed that she was indeed sorry for what happened.

“No po, Lola. It’s fine po. Thank you,” I said. I smiled at her and thanked her. 

I walked out of that apartment with my shoulders loosened dahil ito na naman ako, maghahanap ng puwedeng maupahan dahil need ko talaga ng malapit sa school upang madali at malapit lang ang aking lalakarin papunta sa aking paaralan. Hindi ko na mabilang sa kamay ko kung ilang paupahan na ang aking napuntahan just to get a place to stay for my whole college life, because if I were to stay at our house, I would need to travel for three hours early every day just to attend my classes.

Sa totoo lang, halos lahat na ata ng mga paupahan rito sa San Fuego ay napuntahan ko na, even the places that offer bedspace for rent. Nawawalan na rin ako ng pag-asa dahil yung apartment na iyon ay ang last hope ko.

Earlier, when I talked to Lola, we already agreed that I would take the space as I really needed it for my studies. I just needed to do some very important errands. Pero ano ang nangyari? Naagawan pa ako ng puwesto. Ako na dapat ‘yon eh, at nag-aayos na siguro ako ng mga gamit sa oras na ‘to. Hindi ko alam na kailangan pala mag-downpayment just to secure na ako ang makakakuha roon.

It’s not that galit ako or what. I’m just kinda disappointed kasi naman, napag-usapan naman na. Pero ano pa nga ba ang magagawa ko? The space is already taken by someone.

I sighed as I walked around to find another bedspace or apartment that I could check to see if there was some space I could take. Maybe I missed some places. Maybe I missed checking somewhere here.

However, after how many hours of roaming around, riding jeepneys and tricycles to get somewhere just to check if may bakante ba, I decided to stop and just go home with nothing but tiredness.

Nakaupo ako rito sa kanang banda ng UV Express pauwi sa amin nang maisip kong maghanap online, hoping na may makikita akong mga post sa mga group page sa FB na available for rent. Kahit bahay pa ‘yan tapos yung room lang ang ire-rent, kukunin ko na. I am that desperate. Nahahaggard na ako kakahanap. Sana naman, di ba? Ibigay na nito sa akin.

Nang makababa na ako sa UV na aking sinakyan ay naglakad na ako papasok sa eskinita kung saan kami naninirahan. Malayo pa lang ay kita ko na ang malaki’t pahabang bahay na hinati sa apat para maging isang apartment. Maraming mga batang naglalaro sa harap nito at may mga tambay na nakaupo, ang iba ay naninigarilyo. Ang iba sa mga tambay ay binati pa ako, ngunit tamang tango lamang ang aking tugon sa kanila dahil sa pagod.

I’m Jan Aldriz Borja, but my circle calls me Jan or Reese. I’m the eldest of four siblings and I’m 19 years old. At an early age, I already knew that I was not straight as a pole and strong as steel like the other men. My family, especially my Mom, accepted me for who I was. I started my transition when I was in 10th grade or 4th year of high school. And, I’m ampon or adopted. Wala akong pake sa iisipin niyo! Chariz!

This is my life, a not-so-good and not-so-bad life that I have. I don’t have enough money to study in one of the most prestigious schools here in the Philippines. I don’t have enough money to pamper myself, and yes, I am not wealthy enough to change myself physically to uncover and let my real self out from the huge closet that is caging me—my body.

My family is the typical Filipino average family. We only have enough money that is sufficient for our daily needs, kaya nga balak ko na pagkalipat ko sa aking mauupahan, kung meron man, ay maghahanap at mag-a-apply na agad ako ng trabaho because I want to earn money through my own sweat so that the money they’ll give to me as my allowance ay maiipon ko at maitatabi.

I’m a fresh senior high school graduate and now taking the course of Education. I chose to study in San Fuego dahil libre ang pag-aaral at marami rin silang courses na ino-offer, and one of those courses is teaching. Bagaman malayo kung saan kami nakatira ay doon ko pinili mag-aral, and since marami rin akong puwedeng pag-applyan para mag-part-time, ay kalaunan nagpaalam na rin ako sa aking mga magulang na mag-rent na lang roon.

Nang makapasok na ako sa apartment na aming tinitirahan dito sa Del Prusada ay sumalubong sa akin ang saktohan naming bahay. Dalawang palapag ngunit hindi naman masyadong malaki ang lawak, sakto lang para sa aming anim na miyembro ng pamilya.

“Oh! Andito ka na pala, anak. Kumusta ang paghahanap ng mauupahan? May nahanap ka na ba?” Si Nanay habang hawak ang saingan ng kanina. Binaba ko ang aking shoulder bag sa sofa namin na iba na ang kulay dahil sa katandaan.

“Wala po, Nay. May makukuha na sana ako kaso bigla akong naunahan magbigay ng pang-down sa upa,” bigo kong sagot sa kaniya pagkatapos kong magmano rito.

Kinuha ko sa kamay niya ang hinuhugasang bigas at ako na ang nagtuloy ng kaniyang pagsasaing. Hinabol ako ni Nanay ng tingin na tila nagulat sa aking ginawa.

“Ay, bakit naman gano’n?”

“Wala po eh. Gano’n talaga. Nasan pala ang tatlo, Nay? Wala pa?”

“Ah. Si Ramon ay lumabas at mag-computer daw dahil may ise-search para sa assignment niya. Si Dante naman nasa taas, gumagawa ng kung ano para school, tapos yung bunso mong kapatid wala pa. Baka nasa ilog na naman ‘yon, nagcha-Chinese garter,” paliwanag ni Nanay.

Kumunot ang noo ko sa narinig patungkol sa bunso kong kapatid na si Bune.

“Kukurutin ko yung bata na ‘yon. Imbes na dumiretso uwi, naglalaro pa sa ilog,” yamot na dugtong ni Nanay. Hindi ko magawang hindi pigilan ang tawa dahil sa hitsura ni Nanay na kahit gano’n ang lumabas sa kaniyang bibig ay taliwas naman ang ipinapakita ng kaniyang mga mata.

“Hayaan mo na, Nay. Ine-enjoy niya pa ang pagkabata niya. Pag nagdalaga naman na ‘yon ay magbabago na ‘yon. Huwag mo nang i-stress ang sarili mo,” pagpapakalma ko kay Nanay.

“Hays! Buti ka pa, babaeng-babae na. Ikaw na bahala diyan sa bunso mong kapatid. Sakit na ng ulo ko, bunso na ‘yan. Ang daming kalokohan.”

Natawa naman ako sa kaniyang sinabi. Nang mahugasan ko ang bigas at natakalan ng tubig ay inilagay ko na ‘to sa aming kalan at binuksan ito.

Hinarap ko si Nanay na naghihimay ng malunggay sa aming lamesa. Napansin ko ang mga nakahandang sahog para sa kaniyang lulutuin. Nagpasya akong hiwain ang sibuyas, kamatis, at luya. Dinamay ko na rin ang kalabasa na paborito ng aking pangatlong kapatid na si Dante.

That boy, out of all of my siblings, Dante is the one whom I can say takes his studies seriously. He’s currently in 9th grade in high school and is their top student, which I am more proud of. Hindi naman sa sinasabi kong hindi nag-aaral nang maayos iyong dalawa ko pang kapatid. Sadyang kumpara sa kanilang dalawa, si Dante ang mas seryoso at mas tutok sa pag-aaral.

We grew up in a household full of love and joy. Our parents taught us how to be grateful for what we have and what we receive from above.

Nang matapos kami ni Nanay sa paghahanda ng mga isasahog niya sa kaniyang lulutuin ay umakyat na ako sa taas upang magpalit at magbihis ng damit. Pag-akyat ko ay naabutan ko si Dante na nakadapa sa aming papag habang nagkalat naman sa paligid niya ang mga papel, notebook, at kung ano-ano pang scratch paper na naglalaman ng mga sulat-kamay niya. Kunot-noo siyang nagsusulat sa yellow pad paper habang dalawang paa niya ay naglalaro sa kaniyang likuran.

Dumiretso ako sa aking cabinet upang kumuha ng ipapalit. I chose to wear my usual pambahay look, sando or tank top and shorts. I looked at the mirror that was built into our old and antique cabinet. I scanned myself, every detail that showed my difference from my other siblings.

Grade 6 pa lang ako ay sinabi na sa akin ng aking mga magulang na naabutan lang nila ako sa tapat ng pinto ng dati nilang tinitirahan. Umaga raw ‘yon at araw ng kanilang paglilipat sa apartment na ‘to. They tried to find my biological parents, but they failed. They also tried to post my picture online, but no one reached out to claim me. So, in the end, they decided to adopt me and treat me as their own.

“Nandyan ka na pala, Ate. Kumusta po ang paghahanap ng malilipatan? Wala kang nahanap, ‘no?” mapang-asar na saad ni Dante. Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay habang may ngiti sa aking labi.

“At parang tuwang-tuwa ka pa ata na wala akong nahanap na marerentahan? Pinagdasal mo ‘no?” balik ko sa kaniya.

“Hindi ah! Si Ate naman, ano na naman ang iniisip sa akin. Ang bait-bait ko kaya.” Pag-iling nito.

“Biro lang. Kumusta ang ginagawa mo? Ano ‘yan?” Tukoy ko sa kaniyang sinusulat.

“Ah. Ito? Assignment ko, Ate. Reaction paper sabi nung bungal kong guro.”

Gulat sa kaniyang sinabi ay hinila ko ang buhok sa tuktok ng kaniyang ulo.

Natawa ako. “Siraulo kang bata ka! Sino ‘yan? Si Ma’am?” Nanliliit ang aking mata habang nagtatanong at nakatingin sa kaniya. Ngumisi ito sa akin.

“Gudaca.”

“Gudaca?” sabay naming saad.

Bumalatay ang tawa namin sa buong kuwarto. Maloko talaga ‘tong lalaking ‘to.

“Silly!” Piningot ko ang kaniyang ilong na kaniyang ikinaangal.

“Tao ako, hindi sili, Ate. Jusko!” Ngisi nito.

“Aba!” Mabilis siyang umatras sa akin habang may ngisi sa kaniyang labi.

“Tatatapusin ko na ‘to, Ate. Doon ka na sa baba.” Kinumpas niya ang kaniyang kamay na tila tinataboy ako. Bumalik ito sa pagkakadapa sa papag habang sumisipol pa. Napailing na lang ako sa kalokohan ng aking pangatlong nakakabatang kapatid.

Kinabukasan ay maaga akong gumising upang maghanap ulit ng puwede kong maupahan, magbabaka-sakali na may himala ang langit at may biglang umalis sa mga nakatira sa mga apartment sa lugar na ‘yon.

Scrolling on Facebook, checking thoroughly every post I see on every group I visit. Nang ma-accept ang join request ko sa FB group ng Taga San Fuego Kami ay agaran akong nag-check kung may nag-post ba roon about “house for rent,” and thankfully, there was one, and it was posted five minutes ago. I quickly sent a message to the owner of the post to inquire.

Minutes had passed, but the owner still hadn’t replied. Kaya naman napagdesisyunan ko nang maligo dahil babyahe pa ako ulit papuntang San Fuego dahil magpapasa ng requirements sa registrar ng aking papasukang university, ang San Fuego University or SFU.

Nang matapos maligo ay nag-ayos na ako. Simpleng white T-shirt na dinedepina ang kurba ng aking katawan at skinny jeans na kapit na kapit at ipit na ipit sa mga binti ko. I applied a very high school student look, lip tint, and pulbo.

“Nay, una na po ako. Maghahanap po ako ng mapagtatrabahuhan ko po,” pagpapaalam ko nang makababa ako mula sa aming ikalawang palapag.

Mula sa pagkakaupo sa aming lumang sofa ay nag-angat ito ng tingin sa akin galing sa tinatahi niyang damit.

Sinuri niya ang aking kabuuan bago ako nginitian. “Ang aga naman, anak. O siya, sige, mag-iingat ka,” saad niya.

Dumiretso ako sa kinalalagyan niya at nagmano bago humalik sa kaniyang pisngi.

“Aalis ka, Ate?” Si Ramon, kakapasok pa lang ng aming bahay.

“Oo. Saan ka galing? Ang aga-aga gumagala ka!”

“Sa labas lang, Ate. Nakipaglaro.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Nakipaglaro? Ang tanda-tanda mo na, nakikipaglaro ka pa sa mga bata diyan sa labas,” saad ko. Nagsalubong ang kilay niya.

“Tsss. Wala sa edad ‘yan,” sagot niya sabay nginisian ako at naglakad papasok sa banyo.

“Isip bata!” sigaw ko.

Natawa naman si Nanay sa asaran namin ng aking kapatid. Tumingin ako sa kaniya at tumawa na rin nang mahina.

Ilang minuto lang rin ang tinagal ko bago ako magpasyang umalis at gumayak na rin. Malayo pa lang, tanaw ko na ang nakatayong lalaki. Nakapamulsa siya at siga na siga ang kaniyang tindig. Nakasuot siya ng white polo shirt at jeans, habang suot niya ang pang-basketball na sapatos na Nike Air Force 1 na white.

“Sorry, Alex. Kanina ka pa ba naghihintay?” pabungad ko sa kaniya.

Ngumiti siya sa akin. “Nope, kakarating ko lang rin. Maaga pa naman,” sagot niya.

“Saan ba ang diretso natin doon pagkarating natin?”

“Punta muna tayo ng munisipyo nila roon. Mag-a-apply tayo ng student assistance. Nasabi lang rin sa akin ng kaklase kong lalaki na maaga raw mamigay ng student assistance ang mayor nila,” sagot niya naman.

Namilog ang mata ko at pawang napaawang ang aking bibig sa mangha.

Maaga ang naging usapan namin ng kaibigan kong si Alex, na siya rin ay nag-aaral sa SFU. Siya ang kaisa-isa kong kaibigan at lalaki pa. Palagi rin siyang nakasunod sa akin simula noong high school hanggang makapagtapos kami ng senior high. Madalas na rin siyang mapagkamalan na nobyo ko o kaya naman ay bakla dahil sa palagi siyang nakadikit sa akin kahit pa marami siyang kaibigan at tropang mga masisiga at borta. Sa sobrang sanay niya ay tinatawanan na lamang niya kapag may naririnig siyang gano’n.

Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit palagi siyang dumidikit sa akin gayong marami siyang tropa na piniling mag-aral din sa SFU. Hindi sa ayaw ko or nai-insecure ako. It’s just that I really wanted him to explore and hang out with his other circles. I also asked him if he had a girlfriend, and he said na wala pa siyang balak makipagrelasyon.

Ineme na!

“Let’s go?” Alex said, pulling me out of my train of thoughts.

I squinted my eyes at him, which made him chuckle.

When we arrived at SFU, we decided to walk around the university to look for shops that were hiring, as we both planned to work while studying. Well, originally, it was his idea to work even though he didn’t really need to work dahil may kaya naman ang pamilya niya. Ewan ko ba sa lalaking ‘to, happy-go-lucky at kung ano ang maisipan gawin, gagawin niya.

We went first to a computer shop to print our resumes so that everything was set when we applied. Pagkatapos ay tinry namin sa isang fast-food chain kung hiring ba sila, at nung sinabi naman nung manager na oo ay agad naman kaming nagsabi na interesado kami ni Alex. The manager just requested one of our most active mobile numbers and one copy of our resumes, which we immediately provided to her.

“We need to look for other hiring shops, or we could check those coffee shops around here as well. What do you think?” Alex suggested.

I looked at him with my right eyebrow raised. Alam kong alam niya na napatingin ako sa kaniya kaya naman bahaw itong tumawa at umiling-iling.

Bumungisngis ako. “So many ideas in mind, huh? Gosh! Buti na lang meron akong frennymey na katulad mo. Tara na agad. Bawal tamarin, mahal ang buhay!” maarteng kong saad na siya naman ay kinatawan agad ni Alex.

As we planned, we checked every corner of the streets around the university, and when we were done in that area, we immediately went to nearby areas as well to check. Marami kaming napagpasahan ng resumes namin, at ang iba pa ay ininterview kami on the spot.

Gosh! I was so damn nervous and shaking, but kineri ko naman, and gurl! Confidently beautiful with a heart ako sumagot! Pak!

Nang makuntento kami ay dumiretso na kami sa munisipyo nang mag-aalas-dose ng tanghali para magpa-apply for student assistance, based on what Alex told me. Fifteen thousand rin ang binibigay ni Mayor sa mga student na nag-apply. Malaki rin ang halaga na ‘yon kung sakali dahil hindi biro ang halagang fifteen thousand.

Honestly, it is a big help for those students na hindi pinalad sa buhay, like me, and having assistance from the municipality, or should I say from the Mayor himself, is indeed a big help.

Kasalukuyan kaming nakaupo at nakapila rito sa labas ng office ni Mayor for an interview, as the man said to all of us na nandito. The Mayor usually conducts a short interview to learn about the students who are applying. Wala na rin namang masama, as far as I know. Eh tungkol lang rin sa pag-aaral and a little background of the students ang itatanong.

Isang oras at kalahati ang lumipas at ako na ang susunod na tatawagin upang papasukin sa loob at i-interviewhin ni Mayor. Si Alex ang kasalukuyang nasa loob dahil nauna siya sa akin sa pila.

Rinig ko sa mga usapan ng ibang estudyante na limang taon lang daw ang lamang ng edad ni Mayor sa amin, which I think means he’s 24 years old since 19 pa lang ako. Bata pa nga ito base sa kaniyang edad bilang isang Mayor ng isang bayan. I heard as well that he’s burning handsome, pero masungit raw ito. Hindi raw palangiti at kung makatitig daw ay para kang sinasaksak.

“Next na po!”

Napakurap ako at huminga nang malalim nang marinig ang pagtawag nung lalaking dumukwang sa pintuan. Kasunod niya ang imahe ni Alex na nakangiti na tila nanalo sa lotto ang lawak nito.

“How was it?” I murmured.

He just shrugged before cocking his head at me like he was saying that I needed to go in.

I sighed before standing up from my seat and starting to walk into the Mayor’s office.

Nang makapasok ako ay bumungad sa akin ang malinis at maaliwalas niyang opisina kahit pa ay may mga nakatambak na papel sa gilid. I scanned the whole space quickly before swallowing the lump in my throat. My eyes quickly anchored to the man who was sitting on the swivel chair while checking the paper in his hand, which I thought was my application paper that I filled out earlier.

The way he sat in his swivel chair was enough to show why the people of this town call him the youngest and scariest Mayor. He has a broad and muscular body, the type that you could compare to a gym rat or to that of a Greek god. Ang bawat paggalaw niya rin ay malinis at parang kalkulado. 

Hindi ko rin tuloy malaman kung bakit bigla akong nakaramdam ng kaba at pagkanginig. 

“G-good afternoon po, Mayor,” magalang na pagbati ko.

“Magandang tanghali rin. Maupo ka,” sagot niya habang ang mga mata ay nasa papel pa rin na hawak niya.

I sat on the chair in front of his table and composed myself.

“So, your name is?” he said as a cue. His deep and baritone voice just made my spine shiver.

“Uh… My name is Jan Aldriz Borja, but you can just call me po Jan,” I said, stuttering.

“Uh-hmm. And how old are you again?” he added.

Really? Is it really necessary to ask me about my age when it’s already written on the paper he’s reading? Of course, Riz! It might be his icebreaker before diving into the main event. Duh!

“Uh… 19 years old po,” I answered.

From looking at the paper in his hand, he raised his eyes, and they immediately darted toward me.

Those black and shadowy eyes, those long lashes, thick eyebrows, pointed nose, and reddish lips made me stare at him. It was like they were calling for my full attention and not wanting it to break.

“Single?” he said, which I failed to answer.

When he noticed that I had been staring at him for about—I don’t know—how long, his lips raised and turned into a devilish smile.

“Am I that handsome to you, Baby?”

I blinked twice and pulled myself back to my senses, not because of what he said but because of what he just called me.

Ano raw? Baby? Sino? Ako? Huwaw! Ang tanda-tanda ko na para maging baby, at bakit niya ako tatawagin nun kung wala naman kaming koneksyon?

With my forehead creased and my face frowned, I threw my eyes at him, asking him why he called me that. Siyempre, hindi ko isasaboses ‘yan. Nakakahiya, baka namali lang ako ng pagkakarinig.

“H-huh?”

He chuckled. “I said, are you young, single, or taken?” He tilted his head to the side and threw me his burning look. It’s not literally hot, but the way he looked at me made me feel like I was being ignited by something.

“S-single po.”

Ngumisi siya. Nilapag niya ang papel na hawak niya at pinagsiklop ang kaniyang mga kamay. Ang kaniyang titig na nakakalusaw ay mas lalo pang tumindi. Binasa niya ang ibabang parte ng kaniyang labi.

“Good. Because I will not let you have a relationship with anyone unless it’s me.”

My eyes widened at what he just said. The authority in his voice made my bones shake really hard.

“Huh?!”

Shock is an understatement. I’m electrocuted by his words. The way he said every word with his deep, baritone voice and finality.

“Want me to repeat myself, Baby?”

He stood up from the swivel chair and leaned his body closer to my face. Ramdam ko ang hininga niya na pinaghalong mint at mouthwash. Mabango at walang bakas ng ulam ng kahapon.

My body froze on the spot as he started to move his body closer. My eyes were still widened as I looked at his face in wonder.

“You’re mine, Baby. The moment you stepped into this town, you made yourself mine, and no one will ever change that.”

Shit!

Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

Dummy

“Ano ba ang nangyari sa loob at kanina ka pa nakasimangot?” Alex said in a playful tone. Kanina pa niya ako inaasar dahil sa mukha kong lukot.

I did not bother to tell him what happened during the supposedly interview earlier with that… whatever entity that man is! Nakakasura siya! Sa mga lumalabas sa bibig niya ay tila hindi siya isang mayor. He was like a playboy who found his new target for his flavor of the day to fuck! Makapagsabi siya sa akin na hindi niya hahayaan na may maging nobyo ako dahil siya lang ang puwede. Ang kapal niya! Sino ba siya? Boyfriend ko! Gago ampota!

“Nothing. Huwag mo na akong intindihin, at puwede ba, tumigil ka na sa kakaasar mo at baka pati ikaw, hindi ko na kibuin,” I leered at him. Nakakasura lang kasi talaga. At itong mokong na ‘to, inaasar ako na kesyo busangot, mukha raw akong pato or what. Sarap na lang bigla sampigain ang mukha.

He grinned. “Don’t tell me hindi ka nakapasa? Cancelled ba, bhie?” He raked his hand through his hair as he looked at me, amused. 

I shot him my dagger look. At talagang hindi mo ako titigilan? Kung ipagkakalat ko kaya rito na may balat ka sa bay—No! Hindi! 

Haha.

I pinched his waist, which made him groan in pain.

“Pota! Ang sakit! Pikon ‘yan?” angal niya, ngunit may multo ng ngiti sa kaniyang mga labi. 

“Bwisit! Hindi mo ba talaga ako titigilan!” I frowned. I felt myself getting more irritated, not just at him but also at that mayor of this city. The way he said those words, as if he knew me long before I stepped into that room of his. Parang sa bawat pagtatapo niya ng mga salitang iyon ay kilalang-kilala at pagmamay-ari niya ako. 

“A-ano ba ang pinagsasabi niyo? Mayor?” I said nervously.

Matabang siyang tumawa. He pulled himself back from leaning closer to me and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Acting like you’re deaf, yeah? I know you heard every word I said. Baby?” he said playfully.

He licked his lower lip before biting it.

“You don’t just walk into your predator’s den and make that face. You’ll just get yourself eaten,” he added.

Make what? What’s wrong with my face?

Sa mga tingin niya ay tila tinutusok nga niya ako tulad ng mga narinig ko sa labas, ngalang sa paraan ng pagtingin niya sa akin ay tila sinusunog niya ako kasabay ng pananaksak ng mga mata niya. The shivers that I felt were just too much for me to handle that my hands were now trembling because of this man.

Is he really a mayor? Really? Not to judge him, but the way he acts and says every word that his damn mouth spits out is not how a mayor should act. In our town, in Del Prusada, our mayor is not like this man in front of me. Kahit na mataba at may katandaan, hindi ganito kabaliw magsalita ang mayor sa bayan namin. He’s very well-spoken and respectful towards the people he faces.

But this! This! He is speaking to me like he’s damn obsessed with me. The authority and finality in his crazy voice are so much, so much that it shook the very root of my existence.

Suminghap ako.

“N-nandito lang po kami ng kaibigan ko dahil sa gusto naming kumuha ng student assistance, pero h-hindi naman kami nasabihan na ganito pala kayo,” pabirong saad ko. Sa sobrang kaba na naidudulot ng kabaliwan ng mayor na ‘to ay grabehan na talaga ang panginginig ko.

Umiling siya nang ilang beses bago pinihit ang katawan patagilid at nagsimulang maglakad paikot at papunta sa aking kinauupuan. Nanlalaki ang aking matang pinagmasdan ang bulto niya na pumalapit sa akin.

He leaned his body once again when he successfully stood in front of me. I looked up at him with my eyes widened. He placed his mouth near my ear. I felt his breath brush against my skin and… shit! My mouth trembled.

“Don’t be scared, baby. This man standing in front of you is your future husband, your other half, and the sun of your life. You don’t need to apply for student assistance because you own the whole of me, which means you own all the money I have. I can give you whatever you want. Just promise me one thing,” he whispered sensually.

I placed both of my hands on his broad shoulders and tried to push him, but failed ‘coz I was trembling too much, which weakened me.

“M-mayor, h-hindi po magandang biro ‘to,” sabi ko habang nakatingin sa kaniya, habang nanginginig kong tinutulak ang kaniyang katawan palayo sa akin. Nagtagumpay naman ako, ngunit sapat lang ang aking nagawa para mahila siya palayo sa aking tenga.

Ang mukha niya ngayon ay kaharap ko na. Bahagya akong nakatingala sa kaniya because he’s taller than me. I stood at 5’6”, and I think he stood at 6’1. Para siyang isang mataas na gusali na humaharang sa harap ko. 

He smirked. His eyes were burning through me, the way his gaze scanned my face like a printer memorizing every detail and imprinting it into his memory. Sa lapit ng aming mga mukha ay ramdam na ramdam ko ang hininga niya na tumatama sa aking mukha kaya napapapikit ako.

I gasped when I felt him touch my wrist, which was placed on his chiseled chest, and sensually rub it.

He released a sensual and deep sigh.

“I don’t know what you did to me, baby. But the moment I caught a glimpse of your face outside that damn university, your existence stamped itself into my core, your face marked itself into my head, your lips…”

I saw how his eyes slowly darted toward my lips. I bit my lower lip to hold back the surge of emotions I was feeling.

“M-mayor,” I mumbled. I could feel my jaw tremble like a huge ice was placed inside of me. 

“Jusko po! Nakatulala na naman! Ikaw ngang babae ka ay magsabi sa akin. Ano nga ang tunay na nangyari sa interview sa ‘yo ni Mayor at bakit nagkakaganyan ka?” malokong saad ni Alex.

Napakurap ako nang tatlong beses bago ako bumuntong-hininga.

Nandito kami ngayon, nakaupo sa loob ng isang sikat na fastfood at hinihintay ang aming order. We were facing each other.

“W-wala nga. Huwag mo na akong intindihin. Pagod lang ‘to. Oo, pagod lang ako.” Tipid akong tumawa sa kaniya bago ko kunin ang baso ng tubig at uminom.

Hindi ko maalis sa aking isipan ang naganap kanina, ang mga sinabi niya, ang paraan ng kaniyang pagsasalita, at ang mga tingin niya na nakakasunog kahit pa ay namumungay ito at babalik sa pagiging matalim. Ano ba ang nakain nun ni Mayor at gano’n ‘yon?

Ayoko naman siyang husgahan dahil ngayon ko pa lang siya nakita at nakausap, tapos gano’n pa. Ni hindi ko nga siya kilala eh. Ni hindi ko alam na may Mayor palang bangaw ang bayan na—Sige, Riz. Laruin mo! Tandaan mo, kailangan mong makapagtapos at malaki pa rin ang maitutulong ng student assistance niya.

“Number 78 po!!!”

Sigaw ng crew.

Alex raised our order number to the crew, who immediately saw it and walked to our table holding our order.

Sa sobrang pag-iisip ko sa baliw na ‘yon ay halos tatlong oras kong kinain ang 1 pc. of chicken, Coke and fries, at isang Champ Jr. I’m hungry? Yes, that’s true, but with this current state of mind, how could I enjoy devouring this yummy food? Ha? Bwisit!

Halos mag-aalas-otso na rin kami makauwi ni Alex. Ilang minuto rin siyang nanatili sa bahay namin bago tumulak at umuwi sa kanila. He just rested for a bit, and afterwards, he played Mobile Legends with Ramon and Dante. Ang iingay nila, puro mura at pangbabara ang lumalabas sa kanilang mga bibig. Maya’t maya rin ang saway ni Nanay sa dalawa habang ako ay tinatapunan ko ng nakakatusok na tingin si Alex. The man just winked at me and grinned evilly.

Nakahiga na ako ngayon rito sa aming kama, paikot-ikot at hindi makatulog dahil bwisit lang. Hindi pa rin maalis at mabura sa isip ko ang mga naganap kanina sa munisipyo ng San Fuego.

Sino kaya ang magulang niya? Ang sarap puntahan at kausapin. Promise, usap lang! Eme!

Pero seryoso! Gusto kong itanong sa parents niya kung saan ba siya pinaglihi at saan siya ginawa. Baka naman kasi nabuo siya sa mental o kaya naman nagta-tumbling ang nanay niya habang nagbubuntis sa kaniya kaya. Ayan! Na-dislocate na ang utak niya at ‘di na alam kung para saan ang sila at bakit sila gumagana. Chariz!

Enjoying and silently giggling while watching funny videos on TikTok when a chat notification suddenly popped up on my screen. My eyebrows immediately furrowed as I thought about who might be the person behind the message.

I quickly swiped down the upper side of the screen to show the notification bar and tapped the Messenger icon.

Upo na Violet sent you a message.

The fuck is this? Anong pangalan ‘yan? Hindi ko alam kung matatawa ba ako o mawiwirduhan sa pangalan niya. Who in their right mind would use that kind of name here on FB?

I shrugged at my thoughts. Maybe this was just a dummy account used to play someone.

Binuksan ko ito at tumambad sa akin ang wirdong mensahe.

“Can’t sleep, baby?”

“Sino ‘to?” bulong ko, sapat lang para ako ang makarinig.

Nagtipa ako ng reply sa kaniyang mensahe at agaran itong sinend. Mabilis kong pinihit ang screen ng phone pabalik sa TikTok.

Wala pang ilang minuto ay nag-vibrate ang aking phone.

Naka-silent mode siya tuwing gabi dahil humihilik na ang aking tatlong kapatid na katabi rito sa taas. Si Nanay at Tatay ay nasa baba, natutulog dahil hindi na raw kami kasya dito. Ayaw lang sabihin na mag-aanohan sila. Ano ba. Yung magbu-Bluetooth yung lips nila at…

“Ouch! You forgot about me already?! Sadist!”

My nose wrinkled at what I just read. Sino ‘tong abno na ‘to? I can’t remember anyone who talks to me this way. I don’t have a suitor since sinasabi kong study first si akek.

“Kuya! Baliw ka na ata. Tulog mo na ‘yan.”

I sent it.

Without a second passing, three dots immediately showed in the lower-left corner of the message screen, indicating that he was typing.

Lakas ng amats!

“How can I fall asleep if you are not lying beside me?”

Umasim ang mukha ko b’cos of how creepy his message was. I didn’t bother to reply to his cryptic message. Kung magre-reply ako, eh hahaba pa ang usapan namin, which is not even good. T’yaka hindi ko nga siya kilala eh.

I busied myself until I dozed off to sleep.

Kinabukasan, Sabado, ay wala naman akong ginawa at tumulong lang ako sa gawaing bahay. Naglinis, naglaba, at nagluto. Tinulungan ko rin sina Ramon at Dante sa kanilang mga assignment, samantalang pinangaralan ko naman si Bune at pinagbawalan ni Tatay na lumabas dahil nangingitim na ‘to sa kakalaro sa tabi ng ilog.

“Ang boring-boring dito sa bahay tapos ayaw pa akong palabasin,” busangot niya habang nakahalukipkip sa tabi ko. Tinuturuan ko si Dante sa kaniyang assignment patungkol sa equation.

“Anong boring! Sabihin mo, kating-kati lang talaga ‘yang dugyot mong paa lumabas at gumala,” ingos naman ni Ramon.

Umirap si Bune. “Che! Manahimik ka diyan, Kuya. Baka isumbong kita na may gusto ka sa anak ni Aling Arl—”

“Sige! Ituloy mo nang sunugin ko lahat ng goma at teks mo diyan. Ge!” Maangas na banta naman ni Ramon.

“Hep-hep! Titigil kayo o ako mismo ang gagawa ng mga banta niyo?” singit ko.

Narinig ko namang ngumisi si Dante, kaya napunta sa kaniya ang aking tingin. Nagkibit-balikat lang ito bago tumuloy sa kaniyang sinusulat.

“Tsk.”

“Hays!”

“Manahimik na,” pananaway ko.

I saw from my peripheral view the way Bune raised her hands like she was giving Ramon a warning, but the latter just ‘tsked’ at her.

Monday came, and Alex and I had a class, but his class started at 6 while mine started at 8, so we allotted two to three hours earlier for our travel time since medyo malayo ang San Fuego mula sa amin. This is the main reason why I really wanted to rent na lang rin sa San Fuego para hindi na ako magbiyahe nang malayo.

Alex: Sabay ka na ba sa akin?

Alex’s message was the first one that popped up when I opened my phone. It was my break time na dahil kakatapos lang ng isa naming Major Subj na nagpa-group activity at recitation.

Inaaya ako ni Alex na sumabay na lang mamaya sa kaniya pauwi. Dala-dala niya kasi ang sasakyan nila, to be specific, ang sasakyan ng daddy niya. Kanina pa niya ako kinukulit na sumabay na lang din sa kaniya pauwi para hindi na raw ako magastusan at mapagod sa pagko-commute.

Kaninang umaga kasi ay sinundo at sinabay niya ako papasok rito. Ang aga-aga kong dumating, kaya naman ay tinulog ko ang natitirang oras sa library ng school.

Me: Wag na, Lex. Nakakahiya na, tyaka may titingnan din akong apartment na nakita ko nung Sabado ng umaga sa isang group sa FB. Puntahan ko na mamaya. :)

After composing my reply, I quickly tapped the send button and maneuvered the screen to open the TikTok app.

Nakaupo ako rito sa isang bench malapit sa Oval ng aking school kung saan nagte-training ang mga varsity ng Track and Field ng school na ‘to.

A moment passed, and a man in a black suit suddenly appeared on my left side, which shook me. Sapo-sapo ko ang aking dibdib dahil sa gulat at tinapunan ko ng nayayamot at nagtatakang tingin ang lalaki.

“Sorry po, ma’am. Kung nagulat po kayo, pinapabigay lang po ng boss namin itong pagkain niyo po,” saad nito sa malamig at malalim niyang boses.

Nakasuot siya ng black shades habang ang tenga niya ay may earpiece na sa tingin ko ay for communication niya.

Mula sa nakatingalang pagkakatingin sa kaniyang mukha ay unti-unting bumaba ang aking mga mata sa hawak-hawak niyang lunchbox na kulay white. Kumunot ang aking noo bago ko ibalik ang aking tingin sa kaniya.

I bit my lower lip as if it would give me the strength to talk to this man, but then again, what he said earlier clicked in my head.

I heaved a deep sigh.

“Sino pong boss niyo at bakit may ganito siya sa akin?” tanong ko.

Hinawakan niya ang kaniyang tenga kung saan nakalagay ang earpiece niya at nakinig sa kung sinuman ang nagsasalita roon.

Ilang minuto ang lumipas bago niya itinungo ang kaniyang mukha sa akin.

“Sino po?” ulit ko.

“Pasensya na po, ma’am. Ayaw pong ipasabi ng boss namin kung sino siya. Maganda po ay tanggapin niyo na po itong dala kong pagkain para makakain na po kayo,” sagot nito.

Napatingin ako sa dala niyang lunch box.

Umiling ako.

“Hindi ko ho matatanggap ‘yan. Baka kung may ano pong nakahalo sa pagkain na nasa loob niyan at mapano pa ako,” pagtanggi ko.

Kita ko ang pagputla ng kaniyang mukha bago ito umiling nang tuloy-tuloy na para bang natatakot sa kung ano.

“N-naku, ma’am. Tanggapin niyo na po ‘to. Malalagot po ako sa boss ko po.”

My brow arched.

“Bakit naman? Kuya, hindi po kasi puwedeng tanggap lang ako nang tanggap ng kung ano mula sa kung sinong hindi ko kakilala. Hindi ko nga alam ang pangalan ng boss mo kaya hindi ko talaga matatanggap ‘yan.”

“Ma’am, tanggapin niyo na po. Nakakasiguro po akong walang halong kahit ano ang pagkain. Tanggapin niyo na po. Malalagot po talaga ako sa boss ko.”

“Hindi ko po talaga matatanggap ‘yan.”

After I said that, I grabbed my bag and marched away, leaving that man in black there with that ‘whatever’ food he was offering to me.

I can’t just accept anything from anyone I barely know, as there could be something mixed in it or placed in it that could cause me harm. Even though I could feel how really scared he was of his boss when he insisted that I really needed to take and accept the food he had.

I was about to turn left and step on the first step of the stairs when someone grabbed my wrist, making me stumble.

Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

Wife

“Sigurado ka ba anak na hindi kana magpapahatid? Gusto pa naman namin ng ‘yong tatay na sumama para masuri namin ang iyong titirhan roon.” Si Nanay. Bakas sa kaniyang mga mata ang pag-aalala dahil ngayun araw rin ako lilipat sa nakita kong apartment sa San Fuego na siyang pinuntahan ko nung Monday ng gabi.

Ngumiti ako kay Nanay bago bumuntong hininga. “Opo, Nay. Okay lang po at h’wag na rin po kayo sumama dahil okay naman po ako roon. Maganda at ligtas yung lugar kaya naman po hindi ako mapapahamak roon.” Pag-papalubag loob ko kay Nanay. Ngumitingi si Nanay sa akin bago tumungo.

Naiintindihan ko si Nanay kung bakit gusto niyang sumama sa akin sa pag-lipat ng aking gamit sa aking uupahan kahit na mga damit at ang iilang ko lang gamit ang aking dadalhin. They both just want to make sure that the place I’ll move at will be safe and the environment is good for my studies.

I heard the door of Alex’s car opened which indicates that he went out from it. I see from my peripheral vision his image walking towards us.

“Okay naba lahat, Riz? Wala na bang na iwan?” He asked. I nod my head without glancing at him.

“Yes, bhie. Wala ng naiwan, onti lang naman ang gamit ko eh.” Sagot ko nang hindi tinatanggal ang aking tingin ka Nanay.

“Okie doks. How about your drugs?” My forehead creased. Anong drugs?

My eyes widened in a second before shooting him my daggers look. His face plastered with smirk greeted me.

I pouted. “What the? Anong drugs? Hormones ko ‘yon baliw ka!” His laughter bombed us which made my Nanay and Tatay laugh as well.

I smacked his shoulder weakly. “Siraulo ka talaga.” Patuloy pa rin siya tumatawa kya naman nahawa na rin ako’t natawa mg bahagya. “Tara na at baka gabihin tayo sa daan.” I suggested.

“O’sya. Sige at pumanhik na kayo.” Segunda ni Nanay.

Natawa ulit si Alex kaya naman napatingin ako sa kaniya. “Ang aga-aga pa, Riz. Ala-syete palang ng umaga. Paanong gagabihin?” Natatawa niyang sabi.

“Che! Ang aga-aga trip mo’ko!” He zipped his mouth using his hands but his eyes shows that he still laughing.

“Okay. Hindi na boss.” Maloko niyang saad kaya naman napailing nalang ako.

Nagpaalam ako ulit sa aking magulang at nagsabi na ipaalam na lamang sa tatlo kong kapatid na lumipat na ako. They are at school kasi kaya hindi na nila nalaman na ngayun ako aalis. I’m sure that they’ll miss me big time, dahil wala na silang taga-awat at uutuin. He!

“Just put that there, beshie.” I instructed Alex who’s carrying the box full of my things.

He smiled at me. “Roger that, ma’am.” I smirked. I went to my room and went straight to the box full of my clothes to start organizing and fixing it on the built-in wall cabinet here inside my room.

“Everything is set, ma’am.” Si Alex ng biglang nagsalita mula sa hamba ng pinto. I looked at him and cocked my head to the side and signaled him to enter my room which he obliged to do so.

Nakarating kami sa apartment ko ng mag aalas-dyes ng tanghali. Alex volunteered to help me moving when he heard from Nanay yesternight na ngayun ako lilipat dito sa apartment ko, tumanggi pa ako nung una pero mapilit talaga ang beshie kaya naman pumayag nalang rin ako.

I looked at him. “Dala mo ba uniform mo? May klase kapa later diba?” Tanong ko, mula sa pag-uusisa niya sa aking kuwarto ay bumaling ang kaniyang ulo sa akin. “Yes, ma’am. Dala ko na po. Boys scout kaya ako.”

I giggled. “Baliw ka talaga. Pero sabay na tayo, may tatlong sub lang akong need pasukan.” He nodded his head before continuing on looking around my room.

“Okay ka ba talaga rito? I now understand Tita and Tito why they’re so insistent to come here with you.” He said. He stand up and went to the glassed window on the far left of my room and scan the outside as if he’s some kind of agent or bodyguard that is securing the area. I shake my head unbelievably.

“Maganda and safe ang lugar na ‘to. Promise!” I said, assuring him that this apartment I chose to live in was safe and good for me.

“I know. I known for how many years now and sa panahon na ‘yon ay nakabisado na kita. Bago ka magdesisyon ay talagang sinisigurado mo muna ang ilang bagay at itong desisyon mo, alam kong marami kapang kinunsidera bago ka magdesisyon.” He explained. He put his two hands on his pocket before turning his body towards me. I saw how his eyes looked at me as if he wants to say something that is bugging him for some time now.

Nakatingin lang ako sa kaniya at sinasalubong ang pagtitig niya sa akin. Ilang minuto pa ang dumaan ay bumuntong hininga siya at tumingin sa wrist watch niya bago mag angat ulit sa akin ng tingin.

“I’ll be outside, ma’am. Finish that. Check ko lang ang labas baka may sira ang ilaw o ang mga saksakan.” Pag papaalam niya.

“Okie doks, beshie.”

Afternoon came which when our classes would take place, I only able to arrange my clothes and some things in my room while Alex already fixed the kitchen. Tatlong plato, kutsara at baso lamang ang aking dala kaya naman madali niya lang ito naayos.

While listening to my professor my phone beeped, I took it out of my pocket and checked the screen which I immediately regret.

Upo na Violet sent you a message.

I heaved a sigh before turning the screen off and place it back into my pocket. Wala akong time makipagbardugalan sa kung sinong mokong ang nasa likod ng dump account na ‘yon.

Wala pang limang minuto ay sunod sunod ng nag-vibrate ang aking phone kaya naman napasimangot akong tumingin sa harapan kung nasaan nagsasalita ang aming professor. I don’t know what’s gotten into this people doing this kind of things. Are they happy to tease someone behind that dump account? I know naman na uso na ngayun yan pero kasi nakakasura lang!

My break time came and as usual, I sat in the bench near the Oval to breathe. Kahit ilang linggo na simula mag start ang klase ay wala pa rin akong nakaka close sa mga blockmate ko, don’t judge me ha. Sumasagot ako at nakikipaghalubilo sa mga kaklase ko pero hindi talaga dumating sa punto na inaaya o sumasama na ako sa kanila.

I prefer to be alone and be my one companion. Mas nakakapagisip ako at masaya naman siya… so far. Hehe.

While reading my book, the man in black suddenly appeared like a mushroom. I, as a coffee person, surprised by his sudden appearance.

Same as the other day, he’s standing tall and straight while holding the white lunch box which I know that he will offer it again. But one thing I noticed is the bruise and cut on his lip and left cheek like someone had beaten him up.

“Ma’am, pagkain nyo po pinapabigay ni b-boss.” Aniya. Tinignan ko lang siya sa mukha habang kunot ang aking noo.

Para akong baliw na pilit dinudukwang ang kaniyang mata na natatakpan ng itim na shades na suot niya. I just want to see if he still has bruises on his eyes. Swear to god, If only I knew who his boss was. Sasampigain ko talaga! Char lang! Paka maging istorya ako bigla sa mundo ito, hindi puwedeng mangyari dahil marami pa akong gusto maranasan.

“What’s with the bruise and cut on your face?” I asked, dismissing what he said. He palmed his cheek trying to cover the bruise as if I didn’t saw it already.

He gulped. “W-wala po, ma’am. Nauntog lang.” He reasoned.

My eyebrow arched. “Really? Do you think I’d buy that?” I shot back. Tinuko niya ang kaniyang ulo pababa na para bang batang pinagalitan ng kaniyang magulang. Sinara ko ang libro na aking binabasa at pinatay ang aking pinapatutog bago tumayo at harapin siya.

The man in black is towering over me, hanggang dibdib niya lamang ako kaya nakatingala ako sa kaniya. I crossed my arms above my chest and looked at him irritably. His face screams danger but for unknown reason I completely fine and not scared of him as if he was just my friend. Weird!

I tilt my head to the side. “Ano nga, Kuya. Bakit may pasa ka?” Ulit ko. Sa itim at ibang kulay na pinapakita ng kaniyang pasa ay masasabi kong bago lang ito. Naalala ko ang bigla ang kaniyang sinabi sa akin nung nakaraan na malalagot siya sa boss niya pag hindi ko kinuha at kinain ang pinabibigay nito. For that, I feel scared all of a sudden. What if he’s some kind of gangster? Or part of famous syndicate? What if the food he offers are have some dangerous mixture? Poison? Drug? Goosebumps!

“M-ma’am. T-tanggapin niyo nalang po ‘tong pagkain para hindi na po ito maulit.” Sagot niya na nauutal pa. Umirap ako sa ere bago ko balingan ang hawak-hawak niyang baon.

“Ano bang meron jan at gusto mong kunin ko ‘yan? Mag lason yan no?” Pag-uusisa ko. Umiling naman siya ng ilang beses na para bang batang takot.

“Wala po, ma’am. Pagkain lang po ‘to, luto ng boss ko po.”

“Sino ba ‘yang boss mo? Paharap mo nga sa akin. Nandyan ba siya sa earpiece mo? Pakausap ako!” Sunod-sunod kong sabi. Kita ko ang paninigas niya sa kaniyang kinatatayuan at namumutla niyang hinawakan ang earpiece sabay yuko.

Humakbang ako sa kaniya at bahagyang inilapit ang aking tenga na akala mo ay may maririnig ako mula sa kaniyang earpiece.

“Uh… Yes, sir… Opo…” Bulong niya. Binaling ko ang tingin ko sa kaniya.

“Ano raw?” Bulong ko ngunit sa walang boses. Umiling lang ito sa akin. Kumunot ang aking noo sa kaniyang sagot.

Bigla niyang inayos ang kaniyang tayo kaya naman ay nagulat ako’t umayos rin. He looked at me blandly, I furrowed my brows at him.

I bit my lip. Contemplating whether I should ask or not, should I just accept the food or ignore it just like the other day. But he said that his ‘boss’ will punish him like what I currently seeing on his face, those bruise on his cheek and cut on his lip, I wonder if he has it on different parts of his body. Did his boss really do this?

“Ma’am. Please po, tanggapin niyo na ‘tong pagkain. Nagagalit na po si boss.” Aniya. Kahit na walang emosyon ang kaniyang mukha ay bakas naman sa tono ang takot na pumapaloob sa kaniya.

I heaved a sigh. “Fine. Pero gusto ko muna makilala at makausap ‘yang boss mo.” I said. I crossed my arms above my chest and looked at him with my challenging look.

“M-ma’am, h’wag na po. Parang awa niyo na tanggapin niyo na.” Pag-kukumbinsi niya, I wiggled my head as an answer to him.

Akmang magsasalita siya ay biglang siyang natigil at napahawak sa earpiece niya bago yumuko. I stood in front of him firmly and watched him do his thing with his earpiece. Sino ba ang burikat na boos niya? Bakit hindi nalang siya ang magbigay ng pagkain na ‘yan sa akin ng personal. Takot siya? Wala siya bayag! Chaka!

“Yes…Okay…Copy” He mumbled. I cleared my throat that made him looked at me, I arched my brow at him and tilt my head.

He raised and opened his palm like he was saying to me to wait. I halted. Fine! Madali ako kausap, but my time is running, my breaktime is running.

Nang dumaan ang ilang minuto ay tumayo siya at umayos ulit ang postura. He held the lunchbox with so much care, he placed it in front of him while spying over me behind those damn shades he’s wearing.

“Ano sabi, kuya?” Tanong ko.

“Busy daw po ang boss namin kaya hindi raw po siya makakapagpakita sa inyo. Pero kung gusto niyo raw ay puwede raw po tayong pumunta sa munisipyo at dun niyo raw po ito kainin.” My eyes widened the moment he uttered the word ‘munisipyo’ like I knew who his boss is.

H’wag naman sanang si baliw na mayor ang boss niya dahil baka hindi kona kayanin at sampigain kona talaga ang pagmumukha niyang Mayor na ‘yan. I don’t care if he’s damn handsome, I can just smash that face of his into pieces and buried deep underneath the ground of his damn municipal building.

My nose wrinkled. I wiggled my head once more before looked at him again with irritation.

“A-anong gagawin natin sa munisipyo? Wala akong kasalanan at wala akong ginawa kaya bakit tayo pupunta ro’n.” Nauutal kong saad. Hindi ko alam kung anong ginagawa ng boss niya sa munisipyo at bakit kailangan namin pumunta ro’n para lamang makausap ko ang kaniyang boss.

It doesn’t clicking the idea of me talking his boss. All I want to do is to talk to him to know what this is all about, why is he giving me food which I didn’t even request in the first place. Eh, hindi ko nga rin kilala boss niya, siya rin.

“Ma’am, wala po kayong kasalanan. Pero ho diba sinabi niyo na gusto niyo po makausap ang boss ko edi pupunta po tayo dun. Ilang oras pa naman po ang breaktime niyo ngayung araw.” My eyes widened when he said about how many hours left on my break time. How did he know? Who are these people? Who is he? Who is his boss?

“Sino ba ang boss mo at bakit muna tayo pupunta dun? Ano ginagawa niya dun?” Pagtatanong ko ulit.

“Si Mayor Seth po ang boss namin, ko po. Our boss instructed us to guard you and to serve you. Your husband also ordered us to take care of you while you’re here.” My jaw dropped. This is ridiculous! For goodness sake! That crazy Mayor is his boss. Yeah! Yeah!

Oo nga naman, Riz. Munisipyo, tapos naka-itim ba suit, tapos… tapos baliw. Edi sino paba? Yung Mayor na baliw! At bakit nga ba hindi mo naisip ‘to, ha! Bakit hindi mo na gets agad? Akala ko ba matalini tayo?

“No! No! Tell your damn boss to leave me the fuck alone! Ano ba ang gusto niya!” Pag-sigaw ko. Kita ko ang pamumutla ng kaniyang mukha dahil sa aking sinabi.

Namumutla siya dahil sa takot na hindi ko kakainin ang pinadalan ng baliw niyang boss, ang Mayor ng bayan na’to. Pero may kung anong kumurot sa aking dibdib ng dumaan ulit ang aking mga mata sa mga galos at pasa niya sa kaniyang mukha. Ang konsensya sa aking isip ay unti-unting lumilitaw at kinakain ang aking kaisipan mag desisyon na huwag kong kainin ang pagkain.

I’m stuck between eating the food that his crazy boss ordered him to give to me and ignore it and let this big guys get beaten again. I’m stuck!

“Ma’am, kainin niyo na po ito. Anong oras na rin po at panigurado ay hindi papo kayo kumakain, isa pa ay malalagot hindi lang po ako pati na rin ang lima ko pang kasama na nagbabantay ho rito sa inyo.” Dahil sa kaniyang sinabi ay tila kinain na ng konsensya ang aking isip at nagpaubaya nalang.

Nakakaawa kung may mabugbog na iba dahil lang sa ayokong kumain ng pagkain na hindi ko alam kung saan gawa. But they can’t blame, I just want to protect myself from every possible harm na lumalapit sa akin.

I heave a deep sigh. “Okay, sige. Kakainin ko na ‘yan pero tawagin mo ang iba mong kasama at kayo ang unang titikim nito bago ko kainin. Deal!” I smiled evilly. He shook his head in disagreement.

“Ayaw mo? Edi mabugbog nalang kayo kung ganun.” I bargained. Kitang kita ko ang pag-lunok nito at pag pikit ng mariin na tila ba nauubusan na siya ng pasensya sa akin.

“Sige po, Ma’am. Sandali lang po.”

I saw him fished out a walkie-talkie from his back. He then turn it on and speak on it, the device released an unpleasant sound before a deep voice cane out from it with the word saying ‘Roger’.

Nang dumating ang mga kasamahan niya ay isa isa kong pinatikim sa kanila ang pagkain na dala ng kanilang boss, marami rin ito kaya ng makasigurado akong walang halong ano ay inaya ko na lang rin silang saluan ako dahil honestly speaking, I can’t eat all of these. Sobrang dami! God-da ko. Eme!

I giggled when one of these men in black choked because I tell them some kwento and also kakulitan ko. I don’t why but I feel so light and comfortable around them, like I’m with my friends, with Alex.

Hindi ko na alam na matagal na pala kaming nagkukulita ng biglang tumunog ang Walkie-talkie nila ng sabay at nagulat rin ako sa pagtayo ng tuwid ni Kuya Jan, ang lalaking matangkad na nag-alok sa aking ng pagkain.

“Boss!”

“M-mayor!”

Sabay sabay nilang tawag kaya naman natuod ako bigla sa aking kinatatayuan at may kung anong inis ang sumiklab sa aking kalooban.

“Enjoying the food that I. Ordered. You. Men. To give to my wife. What did I saw here? Laughing with my wife?” Matigas at tila galit na saad ni Baliw sa aking likuran, sa banda kung saan ang daanan papunta rito sa hooded benches.

I slowly turned my body where his voice came from. And there he is, standing proud and tall, his firm and buff body screams dominance and authority. A firm order and judgement towards these men, in black.

He looked at me and I clearly saw how his eyes changed from mad to soft and… admiration. Nang nasa harapan ko na siya ay kinabig niya ang aking beywang at binaon niya ang kaniyang mukha sa aking leeg. I feel how his breath dancing and touching to my skin, kissing it gently and softly.

“Men, position yourself.” I heard Kuya Jan ordered his colleagues.

Narinig ko ang pag-palibot nila at pagtalikod sa amin. Napabalik ang atensyon ko sa baliw na nakayakap sa akin, habang marahang hinahalik-halikan ang aking leeg. My body stiffened, I can’t move every bits of my body like my brain forbid it to move.

“A-ano ba ang ginagawa mo! Stay—”

“Stay away? From you? No, wife. Not a chance.” He said huskily.

“Anong wife! Hindi moko asawa, hindi ako kasal!” Asik ko. Pilit akong nagpupumiglas ngunit ganun na lamang ang pang-lalaki ng aking mata ng bigla niyang sakupin ang aking bigbig.

Ang dila niya ay mabilis na naglakbay sa loob ng aking bibig dahil sa bahagya itong napa-awang sa gulat. Habang siya ay nakapikit at dinadama ang kaniyang ginagawang pag-halik sa akin ay ako naman ay napatulala na lamang sa kawalan.

My first kiss! My damn first kiss! He stole it! This crazy pervert Mayor of this city stole my first kiss!

I forcefully pushed him away when I got back my senses, I successfully pushed him. He looked at me shock for a second before his eyes darkened like he didn’t like want I did.

I exasperated gasp.

“Why! Why did you kiss me! You damn pervert! You stole my first kiss!” I grimaced. He smirked at me.

” I have all the rights to kiss you, wife. You’re mine and every bit of you are mine to claim. Mine alone.”

Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

First Kiss

“Miss Borja, Are you still with us?” Agaw atensyon ng aming professor sa akin, the reason why I was able to pull myself back from the train of thoughts running in my mind.

Kumurap ako ng dalawang beses. “Yes po. Sorry.” Pardoning myself from the whole class.

The reason why I lost in gaze because of that Crazy Ass shit Mayor! Simula kanina pagkagaling ko sa lunchbreak ko hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko pa rin mai-alis ang kabaliwan na sinabi nung Mayor Seth na ‘yon. After kasi niya akong halikan at yakapin ay nag-atas pa sya ng panibagong kabaliwan sa katawan. I can’t understand him as to why he’s like that. Is he somehow mentally unstable or is he…

Imagine, my class for today is up until five pm but it felt like it’s forever because of that fucking scenario from earlier. I can’t help but feel chills every time I remember how his lips touched my skin, the wet and hot feelings it brings to me. Horror movie ang atake!

Sa buong buhay kong naglalakad sa mundong ibabaw ay never pa akong nakaranas na ma-ganon ng isang tao, ng isang lalaki tapos heto, mararanasan tapos sa isang baliw pa Mayor pa. Kahit pa sabihin mo na gwapo siya, yes, I give him that. I admit that he’s that handsome that makes everyone allured by him, makes every woman flick their heads to him, ogling and maybe lusting over him. But for me, he’s still a no-no. Grabe na siya! Hindi niya ba alam na ginagawa niya ay isang type of harassment, ang sarap sarap niya… sampigain! Shuta siya!

My class for today ended with nothing but tiredness and exhaustion. See how that Crazy Mayor drained the whole of me, not just my energy but my whole existence. Sa lala ng pagiging siraulo niya, naubos ang lakas at enerhiya kong mag-function ngayun araw, gusto ko nalang umuwi at humiga.

Naglalakad na ako palabas ng university nang sa hindi kalayuan ay may mga nakita akong nakatayong apat na maskuladong lalaking nakaitim na suot…

Ang Men in Black ni Crazy Mayor.

Why are they here? Don’t tell me that the ‘angshang’ Mayor ordered them to… Guard me? No way! Masyado silang agaw atensyon at baka mamaya ay machismis pa ako rito! Shemay!

My heart starts to beat faster nervously. Hindi talaga nauubusan ng pakulo ang Mayor na ‘yon at talagang pinadala niya pa talaga ang mga ‘to rito. Paano nalang kung may makapansin sa kanila, may makahalata na ako ang pakay ng mga ‘yan edi pinagusapan na ako ng mga students rito. That’s the least I want to experience in this place.

I scanned their surroundings, checking if some students might notice their presence.

I saw some students but they’re not giving their attention to those creepy men in black na akala mo ay tutugis ng Alien. They’re minding their own business which made me relax a bit.

I heaved a sigh. I walked towards them slowly. I fished out my phone to check what time is it already, it was five-twenty.

Medyo malapit rin naman ang apartment dito sa university kaya isang sakay lang ng jeep or tricycle but I don’t think that those men will let me go without them.

Nang malapit na ako ay napansin ako ni Kuya Jan ay agad naman siyang umayos nang tayo na ginaya na rin ng mga kasama niya.

I arched my brow at them when I finally stopped and stood straight in front of them.

“Bakit nanaman kayo naririto? Ano nanaman ang inutos ng Mayor niyong bal- ha?” Pagtataray ko.

Lumunok si Kuya Jan na para bang nasindak sa pagtataray ko kaya napangisi ako sa aking isip. Ha! Malaki ang katawan pero duwag sa maliit at sexy na katulad ko. Dapat lang! Eme.

“Uh… Ma’am, utos po ni Mayor na ihatid raw po kayo sa inyong tinutuluyan. Bilin niya rin po na simula ngayon ay babantayan na raw namin kayo, kapag papasok at uuwi po.” Ani Kuya Jan.

Nag-init bigla ang pep- ang ulo ko sa inutos ng boss nila. Ano raw? Hatid sundo at bantayin na ako ngayun? Burikat! Bwisit.

Namaywang ako sa inis. “What does your boss want from me? Hindi ako bata para ihatid sundo at mas lalong hindi ako sanggol para maging bantayin. Umuwi na lang kayo, Kuya. Hindi ako papayag dyan, baka ireklamo ko pa Mayor niyo.” Gusto kong sugurin siya kaso bigla kong naalala ang ginawa niya sa akin kanina… Kadiri!

Suddenly, our kiss splash into my mind, remembering the whole moment… What the heck!

The way he moves his mouth, how he devoured my lips and explored me inside. It was like he was hunting a treasure that was hidden for a long time, a gem insinde my damn mouth.

I admit that him being my first kiss wasn’t bad at all, he’s a good kisser, and he knows how to drive the moment of making out. But sad for him, I’m not like the other girls, gay, trans out there that were up on that type of game.

All my life, I only wanted to graduate and get a decent job with a good salary. Yung tipong sasapat para sa akin at sa aking pamilya, yung makakaya kong mag-aral ang mga kapatid ko hanggang makapagtapos sila. Having a boyfriend or getting into a relationship was the least thing I wanted to do right now.

I shook my head and dismissing the thoughts.

“Tell your boss, leave me alone and find someone to bug to, I’m not up to his game. Uuwi na ako, bye.” I did not let them say anything back, basta nalang akong tumalikod at umuwi. Pinara ko kaagar yung tricycle without checking if the to my apartment was within the round.

Pagbaba ko pa lang ng tricycle at akmang magbabayad ay natanaw ko sa hindi kalayuan ang itim na sasakyan kaya naman umiinit nanaman ang ulo ko. Really? They followede me here?

I already told them to leave me alone as I am not allowing them to take me home, hindi ba sila makaintindi ng hindi pumapayag at sa pumayag? Permission and consent? What’s with these people?

“Salamat po,” I thanked the tricycle driver before walking towards the gate of our apartment.

Hindi ko na inaksaya ang five percent kongn enerhiya sa mga Men in Black na ‘yon. I’m too drained to deal with their shit. Siguro naman ay bukas wala na sila…

And that was my mistake, mali ako nang inaakala na wala na sila. Ilang araw na akong nagtatago at tila isang most wanted person dahil sa pagtatakas ko sa mga tauhan ng ulupong na ‘yon.

Every place I went, they are there. They are everywhere! Nakakainis! Sa canteen, sa gymnasium tuwing physical sub namin and sa labas, kahit nung mag-aya ang kaibigan ko slash kaklase na sina Mandeline at Ornelia sa mall. Nakasunod ang mga sira!

Kaunti na lang ay susugurin ko na siya sa kaniyang kuta!

Dealing with his men was like dealing with a flies, the flies sticking around the poop on the ground. They are unstoppable.

“Your order will be serve shortly, Sir.” I said to the customer after I get his order and payment.

“Thank you, Miss.”

Natanggap na ako sa inapplyan namin ni Alex but sadly, hindi siya nakuha. I don’t know why but I don’t think there’s something with me na wala sa kay Alex. Sa tutuusin ay may mas maitutulong si Alex incase of man power since his body is now bulky compared before when we were in highschool.

“Good day, can I have your order?” I asked the next customer while looking at the monitor where we punch our customer’s order.

“What’s your best seller?” A familiar voice said, my brows knitted when I heard him. Yes, him.

It’s him again, the most crazy man I know. Mayor Seth!

I swiftly shot my eyes at him, he was smiling at me widely, his cheeks are reddened. His deep black orb looked at me sweetly however there was something in there that I wasn’t able to catch.

“We do have a variety of drinks that were best-selling, what drinks do you prefer Sir? Frappe? Coffee? Tea?” I asked.

He tilts his head to the side before smirking at me. “You,” he answered.

I arched my brows. “What do you mean me? I’m not a drink Sir?” I taunted.

He chuckled in a low voice just enough for me to hear. ” I mean, you can decide for me wife.” He uttered playfully.

I smiled sourly. What do I expect from this…

Ugh. I should just directly suggest to him the Lemon Honey Tea para matapos na ‘to. I don’t want to lose my poise and be unprofessional but this is work and I need to be professional all the time, whatever circumstances I may be in.

But its been two weeks since the last I saw him, the last time I saw this fuckard was when he kissed me and stole the virginity of my lips. His faces changed, it became more matured and a lil bit of stress, maybe because of his work as a Mayor of this vast city. Not that I missed him or what? I just expecting that he will show himself often after that…

Kiss.

“If you are into a Tea drink, I highly suggest our Lemon-Honey Tea, but if you are into Frappe I highly suggest our Caramel Cream, for Coffee you should grab our Black Coffee. What do you prefer Sir?” I said proudly. I stared at him straight in his eyes. Showing him that I am not affected by his presence at all.

He looked at me for a minute before anchoring his eyes on our menu at the top of our counter, he placed his hands below his chin like he was thinking thoroughly about what his order was.

“Hmmm… I think I’ll with the Coffee one, wife.” He said assuringly, ang mata niya ay nakatingin pa rin sa taas.

I nodded as if he was able to see me doing it. “Got it, Sir. How about pastries, Sir? Do you want to grab one as well?” I asked, not minding what he just called me. I kept my nonchalant facade even though behind that I was boiling in irritation because of him.

He pouted his reddish lips before shooting me his burning look. “What do you suggest? For pastries?” Really? Wala ka bang sariling kamalayan at ako nalang palagi ang tatanungin? Okay, I get that it was part of my job to suggest our best seller to our customer but this was a different case. This man before me was not just any other customer, he was my damn crazy stalker! My Mayor stalker! Shit!

Really? My? You just claim him yours? What are you thinking huh?

“Alright, the majority of our customers loved to have a slice of our blueberry cheesecake. Based on their review, our blueberry cheesecake has this taste that was universal, meaning it has a sweet taste but not too much and it was perfectly blending with our drinks.” I suggest proudly.

He nodded his head two times as if he was get what I was trying to say. “Okay, can I have one slice wife?”

My jaw clenched. This is the third time! Fuck!

“Sure! Sir. Anything else?”

“You?”

“Pardon me, Sir?”

“I said, how about you? Did you have your lunch already?” He crossed his arms on his chest.

Tumingin muna ako sa likod niya at napansin na rin na humahaba na ang pila ngunit wala naman akong nakitang naiinip o naiinis dahil sa tagal nitong lalaking ‘to um-order. Natural Riz! Mayor siya ng bayan na ‘to! What do you expect? He is very respected and honored by the town’s folk.

I shook my head. Go now, you dimwit! “No, Sir. But I think I will have my lunch soon. Anything else, Sir?”

Tumango ulit siya bago ngumiti sa akin. “No, that’s all.”

“Alright. What’s your mode of payment, Sir? Cash or Card?”

“Card… Here,” He hand me his black card which I swiftly took from him and do the payment.

Matapos kong makuha ang order niya ay umalis naman rin siya, hindi na rin niya ako ginulo buong oras ko ng trabaho. Nga lang ay buong araw ay nasa shop siya kaya naman pati ang mga katrabaho ko ay nagtaka na rin dahil ‘yon raw ang unang beses ba napadpad ang Mayor nila sa shop na ‘yon.

Hindi ko naman rin siya pinansin at tinutok ko nalang ang atensyon ko sa trabaho. Wala naman akong problema kung nando’n siya, as long as he won’t do anything unusual or anything crazy then I’m fine with it. Hindi niya naman ako ginulo or tinawag pa. Nakatuktok lang siya sa laptop niya at kung minsan ay tatayo at lalabas apara sagutin ang tawag.

Pagbalik naman niya ay uupo ulit siya ro’n at panaka naka ang tingin sa akin. Ngingiti pag nagkasalubong ang aming tingin.

Pagod akong humiga sa akin kama nang hindi ko hinuhubad ang aking suot pang trabaho. This is a tiring day indeed. Buti nalang talaga ay wala akong klase today pero bukas ay may schedule ako ng morning at sa hapon naman ay trabaho ulit.

Tinagilid ko ang aking higa at dinukot ang aking phone para matingnan ko kung may chat ba na hindi ko pa nababasa. Hindi kasi ako gumagalaw ng phone pag nasa oras ako ng trababo. Not that we are forbid to use our phone during work hours but for me it wasn’t ethical at all. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me or what pero yun na kasi ang nakasanayan at paniniwala ko.

Ramon: Ate, kelan ka uuwi rito? Pagalitan mo nga itong kapatid mong gala. Masasapak ko ‘to.

Natawa ako sa nabasa kong chat sa akin ng aking kapatid na si Ramon, siguro ay nagkapikonan nanaman sila ng kapatid namin na babae. Sa aming apat siya at ang bunso namin ang tila aso’t pusa kung mag-away. They can’t be put in one place as a moment will pass, they will start to argue like a damn kid. Well, bata pa rin naman itong bunso pero si Ramon? Gosh! He’s already a senior high student.

I typed my reply and quickly send it to him. Sinabihan ko lang siya na he needs to act like the older one since siya na ang pinaka matanda sa kanilang tatlo. Kailangan niyang matutunan na mag desiplina sa dalawa lalo pa’t wala na ako ro’n. He may be still under 20 but he needs to learn and act like an adult now.

Especially for us, an average life of family. We need to drive our goal, to finish studying, to have a better and decent job, to earn. We need to be practical, for that to happen he first need to understand how being an older or adult is, by acting like one among the siblings.

Habang ginagawa ko ang aking mga school works, my phone beeped. I absentmindedly pick it up while still looking at the screen of my old rotten laptop. Nang mabuksan ko ‘to ay isang chat aa messenger ang bumungad sa akin at mula ito sa dummy account na walang humpay ang pangungulit sa akin.

Upo na Violet: Hello, pretty. What are you doing? :))

I dismissed the message and swiftly put my phone back in its place, whoever the person behind that dump account was. He better learn how to stay back when the person he’s bugging is showing that she isn’t interested in him.

Hindi na nga ako nagrereply sa kaniya even answering his video call ay hindi ko sinasagot eh, just to show him that I wasn’t interested at all. Pero itong taong ‘to ay sinigi naman ang pangungulit sa akin. Tapos nakakainis pa ay yung pangalan niya, I know that I already said it but didn’t he know any better name aside from…

Binalik ko nalang ang aking atensyon sa kung ano ang akin ginawa ngunit ilang minuto pa lang ang nakakalips ay tumunod nanaman ang aking phone but this time, it beeping continually. Sinubukan kong baliwalain ngunit ng biglang nagbeep ito at sumungaw ang pangala niya ay nauurat kong dinampot ang phone ko at sinagot ang tawag.

“Hello-”

“Stop pestering me and leave me alone!” I cut the person behind the call and after I said that, I swiftly ended the call.

I thought after answering the call and shooting him a bit of my irritation, he would stop but I was wrong.

I. WAS. FUCKING. WRONG.

He called me again, not long after I ended the call. Seriously!? What the fuck did he wants from me? Is this how he make himself happy? Bugging random people? Who is he?

Instead of answering the video call, I turned off my phone. I heaved a deep and heavy sigh before going back to my work. I need to get this done and do my advance study. Sa susunod o sa makalawa ay magkakaroon kami ng test so I better have a knowledge advancely.

I know that taking the course of education would not be a piece of cake, I need to learn everything about teaching, the aspect of being a good teacher and how I can help my students to learn and be inspired in life. I want to be their role model to be a better person, I want them to be a goal setter and career-oriented, I want to teach them the things I learned in life.

I’m not perfect, especially I’m a…

Trans.

Our society looking at me like I was some kind of dirt of someone’s shoes. They see us as a disease or a virus, something unwelcome in their so-called holy ground-a space built on narrow-mindedness and rigid beliefs. This sanctuary of theirs, shaped by their refusal to accept diversity, becomes a fortress of condemnation. They don’t just reject us-trans people and others within the LGBTQIA+ community-they strip us of our humanity. To them, we are like defective products, flawed and unworthy of inclusion. In their eyes, we are disruptions to the order of the world they cling to, rather than individuals deserving of respect, understanding, and love.

That’s the one reasln why I chose to study here in this city because here in this place, people see us like a normal one, a worthy of their respect and politeness, they didn’t judge us but instead they accept us like we aren’t different from them.

Just like what we want them to realize and to learn.

But I know, soon they will eventually understand what we really wants, who we really are, that we are not what they think we are. We are just like them, a person, a creation of our lord god, a beautiful and creative people walking among them. Just like them, we have our own life, feelings, dream and goals that we want to achieve. We want to earn and reach.

A knocked on my door made me pulled my sense back, sunod sunod ito at parang inip na inip na ang tao na kumakatok. I stood up and walked towards the door to open it.

“Sandali, papunta na.” I shout just to let the person behind it know that continuously knocking wasn’t not good and proper.

Nang mahuksan ko ang pinto ay sumalubong sa akin ang simangor niya mukha, kunot ang kaniyang noo at ang mga mata niyang iritado ngunit pagod na tumingin sa akin, igting ang kaniyang panga.

“Why aren’t you answering my call? You even turned off your phone, I just want to know what you are doing and if you’re safe.” He immediately fired. His deep baritone voice was laced with irritation yet concerned.

Sa simoy ng malamig na hangin ng gabi ay sumamyo sa aking ilong ang mabango at mamahalin niyang pabango. Pabango ba o baka naman ay natural niyang amoy?

I was stunned and just looked at him… Shocked.

What is he doing here? How did he know where I live?

He stepped closer and held both of my elbow, he crouched a bit and leveled his face on mine.

“Hmmm? Why? You making me worried sick, wife.” He purred. His minty and hot breathe brushing off my cheeks. My heart started to beat faster and I felt something happening in my stomach, like there’s something in there that wants to break free.

“M-Mayor,”

“Yes, Wife?”

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

“M-Mayor?” I uttered.

What is he doing here and how did he know where I live?

Oh great! Just great! His Men in Black did follow me here last time so that’s why he knew where I lived. But why is he here? At this hour? Wala ba siyang bahay at oras na nang tulogan kaya bakit siya naririto?

I wasn’t able to move my feet as it felt like I was being frozen by the presence of this man in front of me. But what’s with him today? He looks like he went after a storm. His hair was disheveled a little bit, his clothes… Hmmm. He’s wearing a hoodie and jersey shorts, he looks good wearing them. Hindi siya nakakairita at nakakaintimida. Wait? Ano ba ‘tong iniisip ko, ano naman kung nakasuot siya ng ganiyan. Jusko! Riz! Wag na wag talaga!

I stepped backward however he immediately pulled me onto him and caged me with a hug, a tight one. Ang malulusog at malalaki niyang braso ay pumulupot sa akin na para bang isang baging sa gubat, tila ako isang manika dahil sa liit ko kumpara sa katawan niya.

He buried his face in my neck, I felt his hot breath brushing off on my sensitive part there.

I gasped. “M-Mayor! Ano po ba ‘yang ginagawa niyo? Baka may makakita po sa atin dito at kung ano sabihin nila, ma-issue pa tayo.”

He shook his head like a kid, hindi pa rin siya kumakalas sa akin.

“Let them, wife. I’ll be happy if they make this an issue,” He muttered.

Ano? Magiging masaya pa siya? Baliw na talaga to! Jusko! Wala akong na-imbak na pasensya ngayon, baka mabulyawan ko siya. At bakit ba siya nang yayakap? Pwede naman niya akong kausapin o magsabi ng kung anong kabaliwan niya ng hindi nang yayakap diba?

Tuloy kung ano ano na nararamdaman ko na hindi ako pamilyar sa mga ganito, at hindi na rin ako natutuwa sa tibok ng puso ko. It’s not a good sign! Shit!

I placed both of my hands on his chiseled and hard chest, trying to push him away from me. The feelings that thundering me inside weren’t making me happy, very very not happy. I know this reaction, and it making me go nuts. Sa lahat pa talaga ng tao ay sakaniya pa!

“Mayor! Kalas!”

He shook his head again.

“No,”

“Isa!”

“Please po, kahit saglit lang po.” He pleaded.

What the heck? He plead like a generous kid that he was. But he is not a generous, he is a psycho, a stalker, a maniac. Maniac ba siya?

“M-Mayor, ano po ba itong ginagawa niyo!” Nauutal ko saad.

Hindi naman siya sumagot at umiling lamang siya. Good gracious, what is really happening to this Mayor? Hindi ba naturo sa kaniya ang rumespeto at gumalang sa space ng isang tao? Na itong ginagaaa niya ay hindi na makatao. He’s acting like we’re a thing, that we are in some kind of relationship neither it is romantic or platonic.

I didn’t do anything, I just let him do what he wants. I let him hug me for a while. Nang makalipas ang ilang sandali ay kumalas na rin naman siya. He looked at me directly into my eyes. Malambot at malumanay siya tumingin sa akin. His eyes are scanning my face like he was memorizing every parts of it.

Bumababa ang tingin niya sa aking ilong galing sa aking mga mata, pababa sa aking labi at babalik sa aking mata. I crossed my arms above my chest and arched my brow at him. Enough with the staring contest that I wasn’t aware of. I need to make this man leave, I have a lot things to do. Argh!

“Why are you here, Mayor? You disturbing not only me but this whole place, are you not aware that it’s sleeping hours already? At uulitin ko, makita ka pa ng mga tao rito at makagawa pa sila ng kung anong kwento.” I spat.

I was getting irritated not only by his presence but what we were doing. Kinakaya kopa ang pagbuntot niya sa akin kahit saan, mapa school, mall o kahit pa sa trabaho ko pero itong pagpunta mismo sa tinutuluyan ko ay iba na ata ‘yan.

Isa pa, sa mata ng mga sinaunang taong nabubuhay dito sa lugar na ‘to ang makitang magkasama ang isang dalagita at isang binata ay isa nang kakwestyon kwestyon lalo pa’t sa kalagitnaan ng gabi, dagdag mo pa ang posisyon niya. I swear! Pag nachismis lang kami rito! Naku! Sinasabi ko sayong Mayor Seth ka!

He licked his lip, making it more reddish. “Again, I don’t care if they see me here, see us. My working hours is already done and right at this hour, I’m just an ordinary man visiting his wife.” He said confidently. He looked behind me, inside my house as if he was checking out the whole place.

Binalik niya ulit ang kaniyang tingin sa akin at ngumiti ng napakatamis, sa sobrang tamis ay sana papakin na ng langgam ang kaniyang bibig. Bwisit!

I rolled my eyes and groaned in annoyance. This man really knows how to annoy me. I need to make him leave. Hindi talaga maganda na nandito ang presensya niya sa mumunting apartment na ‘to. Sa bahay ko. Creating an issue associated with the Mayor of this town was the last thing I wanted to do.

“What do you want from me, really?” I said irritatedly. I make sure that my annoyance is very evident in my voice. But shit! This man! He just looked at me as if na hindi na ako nagtataray sa kaniya.

He chuckled before scratching his nape. He licked again his lip. Napadpad ang tingin ko ro’n na agad ko rin naman inalis. Shit! Bat ba napapadapo ang tingin ko sa labi niyang mapula at napakalambo— Fuck!

“We were texting a while ago but when I tried to call you, your phone suddenly out of reach.” He explained.

My forehead creased. What? We were texting? And he called me? Wala naman akong natatandaan na magkausap kami kanina, na magkachat kami. Ang natatandaan ko lang na nakausap ko ay yung…

Fuck! Don’t tell me he’s the man behind that fucking dump account?

“Wait! What are you talking about? We were texting? When?” I asked. Kahit na nakukutoban kona na siya yung may ari nun ay sinubukan ko pa rin mag tanong.

I just want to make sure, ayoko kasing nag-j-jump agad ako sa conclusion ko without enough evidence or assurance. Well, even though I have this feeling that this crazy ass man was the one behind that account. Isa pa wala rin naman sigurong masama diba?

“Yes, we were texting. I tried to call you for a videocall on messenger but you didn’t answer, I called twice but you decline twice as well. I suddenly got nervous thinking that something might happen to you… To my wife.” He answered. I saw in his eyes the sincerity and care that his mouth spitting. He wasn’t lying. Shit! Siya nga ata.

But how did he know me? Even before na magenroll at tumpak ako rito sa bayan na ‘to ay matagal ng nag-add sa akin ang dump account na ‘yon. Nag start lang ‘yon mag message sa akin nung araw na nagpunta kami dito ni Alex. How?

“Are… Are you saying that you are the one behind that dump account?” Sige Riz mag maang-maangan ka pa! Bobita ka rin eh.

He nodded twice.

Shit!

“For real?” Stupida! Tatanong pa!

“Yes, Wife.”

Nag-iwas siya ng tingin na para bang isang bata na nahuli sa isang bagay na kaniyang ginawa. Na para bang papagalitan ko siya.

“Are you crazy?! Why would you use that to message me? Why hide behind that dummy account? Torpe ka?” I chortle meaningless.

His face swiftly changed into a scared and alerted.

“N-No, Wife…”

“Stop calling me wife, you are not my husband. I am single as fuck.” I growled.

“Please calm down, wif—Baby.” He tried to reach and hold my wrist but I quickly swayed it.

“Ano ba talaga ang pakay mo sa akin, Mayor? May nagawa ba ako sayong kasalanan at ginaganito mo ako? Gusto ko lang naman mag-aral, magtapos at magkatrabaho ng may malaki ang sahod. Hindi pag-j-jowa ang pinunta ko rito sa bayan na ‘to lalo na ang maging asawa.”

He bit his lip like he was trying to hold his feelings and emotion. His eyes glistening with emotions na para bang kaunting oras ay iiyak na siya. Crybaby!

“Baby please, don’t shout at me. We can talk calmly. Please?” He pleaded.

I shook my head, dismissing his idea. No! Pikon na pikon na ako!

“Kalmado ako,” Ani ko.

“No, your not. Calm down please?”

“Kalmado nga ako.” Yamot kong ulit.

Bumuntong hininga siya bago tumuwid ng tayo.

“Okay okay, you are calm.” He surrendered.

He just looked at me with his pleading and soft eyes. A warm and tickling feelings thug my heart when I saw how he looked at me. Hindi ko alam pero parang may kung anong kiliti ang aking naramdaman sa aking katawan na ang sarap sarap sa pakiramdam.

I sighed.

“What do you really came here for?” I asked calmly.

“I-I’m just worried because you didn’t answered any of my calls.” He answered. His eyes show many unrevealed emotions that made me curious.

“Why would I answer you call, huh? What made you think I’ll do that? We’re nothing but a stranger to each other, Mayor.”

Hindi siya nakasagot sa aking sinabi. Bakas ang sakit na dumaan sa kaniyang mata. Why was he hurt? Tama naman ang sinabi ko diba? We are totally a stranger, he is not my friend nor… Nevermind.

“If you don’t have an important matter to do here, you may leave, Mayor. I have a lot of things to do and also, I need to review.” I said before I turned my back on him. Pumasok ako sa bahay ngunit di ko sinara ang pinto.

Ramdam at rinig ko ang yapak niya na sumusumod sa akin. Fuck! I’m tired! Kaumay man! Humarap ako sa kaniya, sumalubong sa akin ang mukha niyang kung saan saan bumabaling na para bang sinusuri ng maigi ang buong apartment ko, kunot ang noo niya na para bang hindi nagugustuhan ang kaniyang nakikita.

“Was this place even safe? Baby?” He asked without giving me a glance.

I arched my brow at him even though he wasn’t looking at me.

“Why? You don’t like it? I know, people like you are disgusted by this kind of place. Sabagay mayayaman kayo at maraming pera pero sa tulad ko, okay at kuntento na ako dito.” I leered. Napabaling siya sa akin nang wala sa oras dahil sa aking sinabi.

“I didn’t say anything, Baby.”

“Wala nga pero alam kong naisip mo ‘yon.” I pouted my lips when I realized that I am being too rude and too much to him. This isn’t you, Riz.

Shit!

He looked at my lips slowly and I saw how his cheeks became reddish. His Adam’s apple moved up and down. Why? Bakit ganiyan ang itsura niya? May sakit ba siya? Lagnat?

Iniwas niya ang kaniyang tingin sa akin at tumikhim.

“Fuck! So cute!” He murmured.

My brows met in the middle. What was he saying?

I rolled my eyes again before turning my back at him once more and went to my unfinished work. Mukhang hindi naman na siya makikinig na umuwi at umalis, siguro gagawin ko nalang siyang bantag. Hehe.

I sat in front of my laptop and continue reviewing, in my peripheral view, I saw him scanning my place. I let him. Bahala na siya, wala namana siyang makukuha dito na pwede niyang mabenta.

Really? Do you think of him as a thief now? Wherein fact, he was more richer than your own soul, Riz.

“Did you ate your dinner already, Baby?” He asked. Nasa tapat na siya ng lamesa ko at inuusisa ang mga naroroon. Well, mga kung anek anek lang naman ang makikita niya. Ang mga lagayan ng peanut butter na ginawa kong lagayan ng asukal, kape, at coffee mate. Wala pa akong pondo pang bili ng kung anong lagayan and there are things that were more important to use my money for. So…

“Hmmm” I answered. I glued my eyes at the paper and read the lessons in it. We are not yet here so why would my professor instruct us to review this? Hays!

“Are you still hungry? I could order you something?” Malambing niyang tanong.

“I’m good, Mayor.”

“You sure? How about iced coffee? Milk tea? Or any drinks?” He added.

Tila lumaki at nag palakpakan ang aking tenga nang marinig ko ang ang tanong at alok niya. Sure ba siya? Kasi kung ililibre niya ako go na go ako dyan. Isa pa, it’s been ages since the last time I tasted my favorited Iced Coffee.

“Libre mo’ko?” Tumingin ako sa kaniya. He was standing four steps from me, malapit siya sa sofa na pang isahan. Sofa na narito na nung lumipat ako.

He nodded like a kid. “Yes, baby. Anything for you,” I smiled sweetly at him. Well, since you are here and bugging me like a poop. Might as well make use of your presence and…

Your money.

“Hmmm? Sure na sure kana?”

“Yes, po.” He smiled.

“Okay, I want iced coffee from Starbucks. Caramel Macchiato.”

“Okay, what size baby?”

“Grande only. I just need a sip. Lil’ bit.”

“How about pastries? Any sliced cakes?”

“Nah ah. Just coffee. Ikaw rin order kana mukha ka kasing hindi uuwi kaya samahan mo nalang ako dito. Makita ka pa ng mga tao dyan sa labas, kung ano pa isipin nun.”

“Let them think whatever their brains wants to, I don’t give a damn. I rather prefer them to know who you belongs to.” He smirked.

“Belong belong ka dyan. I belong to no one. Umorder ka na nga andami mong sinasabi.”

He chuckled. Anong nakakatawa? Mukha ba akong nagbibiro. But honestly, I just noticed how his voice was so damn good and…

Really? Nagkaroon ka pa talaga ng panahon mapansin ang boses niya.

Well, his raspy and deep voice was so good to the ears. It was like a song or a melody that will make you float in the air. I’m just stating a fact here so don’t put a malice on it.

I rolled my eyes at him that made his chuckle a loud laugh. Inaasar pa ata ako nitong Mayor na ‘to.

“Why are you laughing?” I asked, I arched my brow at him putting a facade of irritation.

He shook his head multiple times. “Nothing, Baby. You’re just naturally funny… And cute.” He whispered the last part, the reason why I wasn’t able to hear it.

“Really? Instead of teasing me, why don’t you go and order our drinks, eh?” I countered.

His eyes grew rounder as if he realized something. “Ah yes, yes. Sorry, Baby. I’ll go now, lock the door and don’t open it to someone but only to me, okay?” He reminded, but he made it sounds like an order from a king because of his tone of voice.

“Whatever,”

Nung araw na rin yun ay nakapag review rin ako ng matiwasay dahilan para maigapang ko ang exams and other reporting. Pagbalik kasi nung Mayor na ‘yon ay tahimik lang siya, nagmamasid at pinapanood ako. Minsan ay magtatanong siya kung may hindi ba raw ako nagets. Nung una ay ayokong humingi sa kaniya ng tulong but because of my reporting, I did. And, Just like what I expected the fudge was smart and bright. He did explained everything like it was just a peace of cake. I understand it tho. He is a good teacher, and…

A companion.

Dumaan ang panahon at nasanay na rin ako sa presensya ng kumag na ‘yon. After ng work ko ay siya na ang naghahatid sa akin pauwi, uuwi siya para magbihis then babalik ng around 9pm at magi-istay at mangungulit lang sakin. Umuuwi naman siya pag nakatulog na ako. He stayed with me until he felt that the day was indeed safe for me, it was like he was just locking the idea that the whole day would be a great and safe for…

Me.

Lunes ng umaga, tumawag si Nanay. She asked if I have some extra money that she can borrow, I immediately send the money through gcash app since ang pag poprovide sakanila ang una kong pakay sa pagpunta rito sa lugar na’to aside from finishing my studies.

Hindi ko na rin tinanong pa kung para saan ang pera, I also give an extra for my siblings allowance for food and school daily basis.

Kakatapos lang ng klase ko at kasalukuyan naglalakad papuntang car park ng school ng maaninagan ko ang babaeng nakatayo sa harap ng lalaking nakasanayan ko nang maghatid sundo sa akin.

She has a long curly chesnut hair, she’s wearing a dress that hugged her body perfectly showing the good curve. Nakatalikod siya sa akin kaya hindi ko maaninag ang kaniyang mukha.

Seth’s face was showing no emotion or reaction towards the woman in front of him. But he was nodding from time to time, maybe to rapport.

Akmang lalapit ako nang biglang huminto ang paligid ko sa sunod kong nasaksihan, the woman tiptoed and kissed Seth on his lips, her hands swiftly found their place around his neck.

Kakaibang pakiramdam ang umusbong sa aking dibdib, ang kirot at ang bigat nito na pati ang aking hininga ay bumibigat na rin. Gusto kong maiyak ngunit para saan? Anong dahilan.

Bago pa man nila ako makita ay tumalikod na ako at nagmamadaling umalis ro’n. It seems like I went there in a wrong time huh?

Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

It’s been a week since I witnessed that scene in the carpark and up until now I still feel the heaviness in my heart. I already did my best to make the pain gone but bitch! It just doesn’t go away!

Hindi ko na lubos maunawaan kung ano ba ang meron sa puso ko. Am I sick? Do I have a disease? An illness?

Definitely not, I am fine and well.

But what’s wrong with my heart then? Anong nangyari? Ever since I saw them kissing in that place, I started to feel this aching pain in my heart. I don’t understand now.

Dahil sa nararamdaman ko ay pilit kong tinuon sa ibang bagay ang aking atensyon, as in kahit saan. I even started to draw and do art which I hated before. Hindi ko kasi magets ang pag guhit pero nagagandahan ako. Don’t get me wrong ha, it’s just that I can’t really understand how the lines and shade were done and made. Sobrang difficult for me before but now, I love art.

“Riz, saan ka mag-lunch?” Dennis suddenly asked. He was standing beside me, beside my seat.

I shrugged my shoulder as an answer.

Dennis chuckled. “You don’t know or are you declining what’s coming?” He asked. My forehead knotted with his question.

Declining? The what?

Dennis is my blockmate and also one of the boys who admired me, and likes me. He started talking and bugging me last week and it was enough time for me to notice that he was up to something, he likes me.

Even without admitting it or him confessing to me, I know that he likes me. Hindi ako nag f-feeling pero ramdam ko. Gosh! I’m not that dumb and manhid.

I slowly look up at him. With forehead still furrowed. “What do you mean by declining?” I asked, confusion evident on my face.

His not-so-handsome and not-so-ugly face welcomed me, he was smiling widely, ear from ear.

“Ah, so we are now pretending not to know huh?” He said playfully, I wanted to roll my eyes at him but I didn’t. Ang mainis sa kaniya ngayon araw ay wala sa aking plano. What will happen today was all planned. Planado ko.

“Baliw,” I fired awkwardly, dismissing the topic.

He bent down and crouched, we are now on the same level, his tall figure vs my short and sitting ass.

Tinuon ko ang aking sarili sa sinusulat kong lesson na kinokopya ko sa aking kaklase, late nanaman kasi ako sa isang sub dahil anong oras na ako nakauwi kagabi.

I heard him heave a sigh, akala ko ay tatayo na siya at aalis dahil hindi ko na siya muling kinibo pa. I have some work to finish here and I know naman na naiintindihan niya ‘yon. He is a smart-ass boy.

Nasa gilid ko pa rin si Dennis, ramdam na ramdam ko ang mga mapanusok niyang tingin sa akin. He was staring at my face, my side profile. I expect him to leave or maybe just watch me with what I’m doing. But I was wrong, instead he was watching me. My face. As if there was a good view to see in my face.

Moments passed but Dennis didn’t move a bit. He stayed beside me and kept on watching me.

“Stop it,” I said after a long pause and silence between us.

He cocked his head and tried to pique my attention. “Stop the what?” He said amusingly.

“That. You staring at me for how many minutes now, Dennis. Nakaka-ilang.” I said in a low voice, enough for the both of us to hear.

Gosh! Ayokong magsitinginan mga ka blockmates namin na naririto dahil dun, and I don’t want them to think that there’s something between me and Dennis. Ayoko sa issue! Nyeta.

“Ow! I’m sorry, Riz. I can’t help but watch your beautiful face. Ang sarap kasi sa paningin, hindi nakakasawa.” Aniya.

Cringe!

“Please! Magsawa ka.” Agaran kong sagot.

Dali-dali kong sinulob sa bag ko ang aking notebook at sinukbit ang aking bag. Naiilang talaga ako sa ginagawa niya, isa pa ay nagugutom na rin ang eabab na ito.

Mabilis akong lumabas sa room, hindi ko na ulit pinansin si Dennis. But the prick followed me everywhere I go like a damn gecko. I decided to just let him be and not mind his presence as I needed to focus on what I had planned for today.

That day ended just like what I had planned. After class ko kasi is dumiretso nako sa work then pagkauwi ay ginawa ang mga dapat kong tapusin.

Seth didn’t show himself to me ever again since that day, and it was supposedly nothing to me. Dapat hindi problema yun sakin kundi isang biyaya. But bitch! It was not the case! His presence just left a big black spot in me, like a sinkhole in the middle of a big city.

Kinaumagahan ay nagising ako sa komosyon na nangyayari sa labas ng aming apartment, the voices are too loud that they even get into my room, they crawl like wind and blow into my ears. Sa kuryosidad at sa pag-aalala na rin ay dali-dali akong lumabas ng apartment room ko at sumilip and there was a fight, may nag kukudaan at talakan na dalawang mashonda.

They’re fighting because of something that I can’t even understand. They talk too fast like they’re performing a verse-to-verse rap. Laro! Mas sinilip ko ang ulo ko sa awang ng pinto para mas marinig sila.

“Sinabi ko na sayo, Melinda. Hindi ang anak ko ang nauna, iyang lalaki mong anak ang sunod ng sunod dito sa anak ko.”

“Ang kapal naman ng mukha mo para sabihin na ang anak ko ang maghahabol sa baklang pangit mong anak. Maputi lang yan pero pangit pa rin yan.” Ani nung Melinda.

“P-pangit? Hoy! Sino ka para sabihan ang anak ko ng ganiyan! Akala mo sobrang gwapo ng anak mo? Nag kakamali ka, mukhang libag sa tuhod ang anak mo!” Sagot naman nung isa.

“N-Nay.” Awat nung babaeng hanggang balikat ang buhok.

I scanned her from behind, she had jet-black straight hair, a fair skin and she was wearing a large t-shirt and a shorts short. Nakatalikod silang mag-ina sa akin kaya d ko makita ang mukha niya but I’m sure she’s a goddamn pretty.

My eyes slowly crawled towards the woman whose name was Melinda. She has a powerful look, well-straightened brown hair, she has a pretty and rich-like face, and… Bitch! She’s wearing a designer dress and bag. Doon palang ay alam ko ng mayaman siya at…

“Mom!” Tawag ng kung sino. Napadpad ang tingin ko sa lalaking pumwesto sa tabi nung Melinda.

Gurl! His face is so fucking handsome. Ito ba ang lalaking sinasabi niyang mukhang libag sa tuhod? Kasi kung ganito ang itsura ng mga libag sa paa, kakamutin at sisimutin ko nalang tas kakainin. Eme!

Melinda turned her head to his son. “Joseph, why are you here?” She asked, wondering.

Joseph sighed. “Mom! Why would you go here? I told you we’re done, we broke up. We did what you asked.” He whispered but I was able to somehow hear him.

“I just want to make sure, you two, end what’s not supposedly started in the first place. I can’t fathom seeing you bewitched by this… Lowborn faggot.”

F-Faggot? Wow!? So she’s a wretched homophobic.

Grabe naman si Manang sa pa lowborn faggot niya. Kahit gets na gets ko si ateng tranene kung bakit minahal niya itong si pogi ay hindi naman pwede ‘yan. Gusto ko siyang itama, gusto ko siyang sabihan. 

I was about to open the door widely and go out to join their little fight when a familiar man suddenly appeared behind Joseph and his Mom. The man that I didn’t see for how many days now.

He’s wearing a black polo shirt partnered with the pants. Malinis at bagong gupit na rin siya.  He’s just standing there at the gate, hawking eyes at the scene. Sa likod niya ay nakatayo ang mga Men in Black niya.

His eyes were fixed on the people who were fighting. Walang kaemo-emosyon ang mga mata niya. It was dull, blank, and…

He seems so sad and lonely.

Imbis na lumabas ay nanatili nalang akong nakasilip sa pinto. Anong ginagawa niya dito? Kasama niya ba yung Joseph at itong si Manang Homophobic?

My eyes slowly darted again to the woman, she crossed her arms and looked to the person in front of her, si ateng tranene. She scanned her from head to toe while there was a disgusted smirk on her lips.

“You thought you were finally out of the slump just because you captured my son’s heart, you’re mistaken. I would never allow any of my sons to have a relationship with the likes of you.” She said, mockingly.

“M-Mom,”

“Hindi ka pa rin talaga nagbabago, Melinda. Ganun at ganun ka pa rin tulad ng dati. Mapangmataas at nangmamaliit ng kapwa. Sayong sayo na anak mo dahil hinding hindi mo rin hahayaan ang anak kong magkaroon ng koneksyon sayo.” Saad ni Nanay.

“Stop!” Biglang sambit ni Mayor.

Napabaling ang ulo ni Manang homophobic sa lalaking nagsalita, sa kanilang likod. Samantala si Nanay at si ateng tranene ay napayuko ang ulo na para bang takot na takot sila sa nangyari.

“M-Mayor,”

“That’s enough, you guys have done enough scenes here. Tama na, sinabi na rin naman nitong si Joseph na tapos na diba? Is there more to it?” Seth placed both of his hands above his chest.

Mabilis na tumingin si Manang homophobic sa kaniya bago tumingin pabalik sa dalawang kaharap at umirap.

Wow! So mataray.

Kaano-ano ba ni Seth itong dalawa? Did they somehow related or are they friends?

That question suddenly clouded my mind. Hindi ko na napansin na napatagal na pala ang aking pagdungaw sa siwang ng pinto dahil sa mga nangyayaring komosyon sa labas nang dumako ang tingin ng taong ilang araw ko ring hindi nakita.

His eyes darted at me automatically like it memorized my gaze. Mabilis pa sa kabayong nagbago ang emosyon sa kaniyang mata. From being tired and dull to soft and warm.

Hindi ko alam pero hindi ko kayang ialis ang tingin ko sakaniya kahit pa alam kong nakita na niya akong nakasilip at nakiki chismis sa labas.

My heart suddenly felt light and warmth the moment his eyes met mine. The relaxing and happy feeling that I felt just because I saw him again.

My stomach churns like there’s something inside of it that wants to break free. Nababaliw na ata talaga ako simula ng umaligid itong Mayor na ‘to sa akin.

He fixed his posture, placed both of his hands inside his pocket, and started to walk towards mine, towards my apartment door.

Tila natuod ang aking paa at nanatili akong nakasilip sa pinto. Hindi ko magawang igalaw ito paalis do’n at isara ang pinto, sa halip ay parang natutuwa pa ang aking sarili dahil sa katotohanan na naglalakad sa akin ang Mayor.

When he finally reached the doorstep of my apartment unit, he stood straight and proud and looked at me still soft but it was not just it, there was more that his eyes conveyed like they wanted to say something directly but couldn’t.

“What are you doing, wife?” He said with his deep baritone voice, my heart started to beat fast. It hurts.

I slowly crawl my eyes up to him and meet his burning gaze, but still soft. I never see him for days, a week. What happened to him? May nangyari ba? O dahil busy siya sa…

Talaga ba Riz? Ano naman ang pake mo kung mabusy siya sa isang ‘yon, remember nothing is going on between the two of you. At isa pa, diba wala naman sayo ang isang to.

Pero bakit parang iba ang sinasabi ng puso ko sa naiisip ko? Sa sinasabi nitong utak ko sa akin.

Totoo naman ah, dapat wala sa akin kung hindi siya magpakita, na hindi siya nagparamdam. Lalo na kung talagang girlfriend niya iyong babaeng nang halik sakaniya.

His forehead furrowed when I did not say anything. I just stared at him and scanned his face, it was satisfying.

“Wife?” He asked. He licked his lip while looking at me wondering.

For the second time, hindi ako sumagot tumingin lang ako sakaniyang mukha. Ang kapal naman ng kilay niya sana ganyan rin kakapal yung akin, ang hahaba rin ng mga pilik mata niya na wala sakin. Bakit anduga? Dapat sakin nalang, kung bunutin ko kaya isa isa at gawin kong fake eyelashes? Laro!

Bumaba ang tingin ko sa kaniyang ilong na sobrang tangos. Natural kaya yan o baka nag pa rhinoplasty siya? Maduga naman talaga ang earth kung hindi.

Sunod na napuntahan ng aking mata ang labi niyang mapula, sobrang perpekto ang hugis at namamasa rin. I can’t blame her tho, though his lips were so kissable like it was an open cake free taste for everyone.

I gulped.

“Wife? You okay? Is there something wrong?” He looked at my face worriedly.

Ang bango bango niya rin, parang gusto ko nalang siyang yakapi— Gosh! Riz! What the fuck is wrong with you? Collect yourself and get out of this madness!

I shook my head to pull my senses back. I looked at him with my brow arched.

“What? Why are you here?” I asked back. Masking the craziness I did. Gosh! Nakakahiya! Nababaliw kanaba at ganito ang naiisip mo sa lalaking ‘to?

Remember? You’re here because you want to finish college and go get a fine job, not to daydream about this…

“I’m here because I want to see you, it’s been a week since I last saw your beautiful face and I can’t take it anymore if I ended another day without seeing you.” He reasoned.

Ulol! May kahalikan ka nga sa parking lot. “Cringe. Alis nga! Nakikichismis ako sa ingay.” I swayed my hand.

“It’s my truth, Wife. I missed you so much.” He said emotionally. My heart thumps again. Fuck!

I rolled my eyes at him to show a facade that I didn’t care, pero ang totoo ay nababaliw na naman ang kung ano sa aking tyan at puso.

“Daming dama,” Sinarado ko ang pinto at bumalik nalang sa loob. Gusto kong makita niya na wala akong pake sa kaniya kahit kabaliktaran no’n ang aking nararamdaman.

Alam ko at hindi ako tanga para hindi makuha itong senyales na pinapakita ng aking puso, nagkakagusto na ako sa kaniya. Pero alam ko na hanggang do’n lng ‘yon. Na hindi ako maghahangad ng higit pa ro’n.

I will not let him know about my feelings. Never. Let him wonder and explore. Isa pa, isa siyang opisyales ng bayan na ito, respitado at mataas ang tingin sa kaniya. Hindi gugustuhin ng bayan na ito na makita na ang mahal nilang Mayor ay nagkakagusto sa isang Trans na katulad ko.

The Society was not still ready for this type of relationship, and so was I.

“Anything else, Ma’am?” I asked the customer after I got her order.

She shook her head.

“Right. Your order will be served in a few minutes.” I announce.

“Thanks,”

It’s Sunday and I’m here, working my as off to have money. Medyo marami rin ang customer since some of the people have this day as a rest day, nakakapagod but still enjoying. After that day, hindi ko nanaman ulit nakita si Mayor kaya naman mas lalong bumigat ang aking dibdib. Para akong dinadaganan ng isang malaking bato. At hindi ako natutuwa.

When our lunch came, I went to the stock room to eat my packed lunch. Isang piniritong GG at itlog ang aking ulam at sapat na kanin.

I snatched my phone out of my pocket. A few messages welcomed me, and one of those was from him.

Upong Violet: Are you mad?

Wife?

I’ll get busy in the upcoming days, I’m sorry. Babawi ako. :<

Mukha mo busy, at kahit wag kana bumawi okay na okay sa akin.

Dennis: Hi pretty. Wanna hang out after your shift?

Isa pa ‘to. Ilang beses ko na siyang tinanggihan at sinabing wala akong balak magkaroon ng boyfriend ngunit hindi pa rin siya tumitigil. Ni hindi ko na nga nire-reply- an ang mga chats niya sa akin. Sa totoo nga kung hindi lang kailangan sa school na sabihon ang social media account ko ay hindi niya o nila ito malalaman.

Antoher thing, he knew that I wasn’t a naturally born woman. A woman by birth. I already explained him that dating me would might cause him to lose some of the people in his life. Friends, family or anyone who were dearly for him. Pero ang bugok ay hindi, walang man lang reaksyon at ngingisian pa ako.

“I don’t care about them, Ris. They don’t get to decide whoever I choose to love. If they leave me because of the person I chose, then so be it.” Ani niya nung tinapat ko na siya dahil sa sobrang kulit niya.

Do I need to feel privileged? Or should I be worried?

That… That straight man find me attractive or find my femininity admirable.

I don’t know! 

Isa pa…

What I’m feeling about that asshole was new to me. Simula kasi bata ako ay hindi pa ako nakaramdam ng ganito. Crush? Oo, syempre nagkakaroon ako pero itong mga kabaliwan sa katawan ko ang bago.

I have never felt this feeling before, never. Naguguluhan ako na hindi ko mawari.

Gusto ko nalang bumalik sa kung anong meron at kung ano ako bago ako napadpad sa bayan na ‘to.
Iyon ay maging isang nonchalesa.

Yes!

Ang maging nonchalant.

My shift for today ends well. Walang customer ang hindi nagustuhan ang aming drinks. They are all satisfied with their orders, and some of them commend our shop even the crew. Some of them took a snap of us and posted it on their socials.

After I bid goodbye to my workmates, I fled like a jet stream. I’m tired but I’m happy. Gusto ko nalang rin ang makauwi at mahiga sa aking kama, it’s still 5 pm and may oras pa akong mag siesta.

Agad akong pumara ng tricycle pauwi. I busied myself watching the view we passed by. Nang nasa bandang munisipyo na ang tricycle na aking sinasakyan ay hindi ko maiwasan na mapatitig sa gusali.

I looked at it with anticipation, but what I did not expect to see was the two people walking toward the car, a sexy woman with her hand clung to the town’s Mayor.

My heart fell.

It sting.

Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

My forehead creased not because of what I saw but because of what I felt when I saw them that close. Bakit parang ang bigat sa puso? Ang sakit sa dibdib?

Totoo na nga talaga na gusto ko na ang Mayor na ‘yon? Pero paano? Saan? Anong dahilan?

Hindi ko mawari bakit ganito ang aking nararamdaman. Sa ikli ng panahon na palagi siyang sumusulpot sa apartment ko eh ganito agad ang mangyayari? Na magugustuhan ko ang lalaking ‘yon? Ang Mayor pa talaga ng bayan na ito.

How?

Dahil sa nararamdaman ay buong byahe pauwi ay tila ako nalunod sa kakaibang gamot. Ni kahit sukli kong bente pesos ay hindi ko man lang nakuha kay Manong driver.

Pagkauwi ko at pagkapasok sa loob ng unit ko ay dali-dali akong naligo at nagbihis. I remember that I still have some schoolwork that needs to be done today and this time, I’ll make sure that no one will ever take my focus away from it.

Even him.

After I changed my clothes and did my routine after work, agad akong pumwesto sa center table na sobrang luma na naka pwesto sa aking sala.

Buti nalang sa gabing ‘yon ay wala akong naging problema dahil natapos ko naman ang dapat kong tapusin. Wala naman rin kasing Mayor ang kumatok sa akin ng alas diyes ng gabi. Dati rati kasi ay ganun siya kumakatok sa pinto, bubungad sa akin ang kaniyang mukha na bagong ligo, suot ang pang bahay niyang grey sweatpants at jersey shirt.

But that night, no Seth was there, knocking at my door, and once again, ladies and gentlemen, I felt hurt.

I kinda felt disappointed.

Maybe because I get used to him knocking and bugging me at those hours until midnight.

I don’t know but his presence was now a deal to me.

I am currently jutting down the lessons that were written on the board when someone put a zest-o mango and a three-piece of Angel’s burger on my desk.

My eyes immediately darted to it before to the person who put it.

A smile swiftly stretched on my face when Alex’s figure welcomed me.

He’s wearing our Male’s uniform, his hair was well done. He recently went to a barber, obvious ba? 

“I brought you food, bff,” Alex said while smiling.

I bit my lip, stopping myself from shouting. Fuck! I miss this man right here! My boy best friend, my buddy buds!

It’s been ages since he visited me in my unit, and even here at our university, we rarely see each other. I understand that tho, we have our own lives to deal with, to handle, and to manage to grow. And for that, I will not complain.

I’ll support him, no matter what.

“What? Di mo ba gusto ‘to? Those are your fave, Riz.” He said when I didn’t say anything, I just stared at him, Amusingly.

I shook my head.

No! Bitch! I love them, I want them.

“Hindi ah! Gaga! Namiss kita, bakit ngayon mo lang ako pinuntahan dito.” I pouted.

He pinched my cheeks, and I groaned.

Shems! Ang sakit.

“Ouch! Ba’t nangungurot ka dyan?” Angal ko.

Ang gago ay tumawa lang, dahilan para ang mga mata niya ay maghalo. Singkit moment!

Umirap ako sa kaniya habang may ngiti sa aking labi. I missed this.

I shifted my gaze back to my notebook and closed it. I snatched out my phone from my pocket and took a shot at the lessons on the board. Sa bahay ko nalang ‘to susulat.

I giggled.

“Sa field tayo, dun ko kakainin ‘tong pagkain na ‘to.” Ani ko.

He bit his lower lip while his right brow raised. His expression told me that he agreed with my idea.

“Aight,” He said after a minute of pause.

Sa totoo lang na miss ko talaga ang isang ‘to. He’s my number one supporter, he was there when I doubted myself about the things that I thought I couldn’t achieve. Sobra ang naging tulong ng presensya ni Alex sa buhay ko at alam ko na alam niya rin na pinagpapasalamat ko na naging kaibigan ko siya.

There are times that our schoolmates from before think that Alex and I are in a relationship. Paano ba naman kasi lahat ng mga babaeng lumalapit sa kaniya, lahat ng mga umaamin sa kaniya ay lagi niyang binabaliwala. Dumating nga sa puntong sinasagot niya ang mga ito na may girlfriend na siya kahit naman ang totoo ay wala, kaya naman ang ending ay nababaling ang issue sa amin.

Alex was popular in our school, he was a varsity, an achiever. Kaya di ko rin masisisi ang mga nagkakagusto sakaniyang babae. He is a complete package, a perfect and husband material. So he can pull any woman’s attention towards him. Well, but not me.

“Bakit ang tagal mong hindi nagpakita sa’kin?” Nakaupo kami rito sa isang bench sa field, tanaw namin ang mga varsity ng school na nageensayo sa bandang gitna ng mismong field.

I feel his eyes look at me, he is smiling.

“Yiee, namiss talaga ako ng bff ko.” sagot niya, ang animal hindi man lang sinagot ang aking tanong at talaga nang asad pa.

I rolled my eyes.

“Oo nga, paulit ulit. Now! Answer my question, what made you busy these past weeks?” I repeat.

He crossed his arms above his chest before shifting his body to me. I keep my head looking at the field, not minding him.

“Why so curious, hmm?”

“Well, I am indeed curious. You are my bestfriend after all. Gusto ko lang naman na maging updated buhay mo no!” Paliwanag ko.

Tumawa siya ng bahagya bago iharap ulit ang kaniyang katawan sa harap.

“The reason why I wasn’t able to show myself up to you is because I tried to pursue a girl.” He confessed.

My eyes widened. What?

He tried to pursue…

A girl.

“What!”

“Easy! Oa mo naman.” He countered, laughing.

“Oa talaga ako! Shocks! Who’s the lucky girl?? Sino? Shems!”

“Kalma ka lang jan. Sasabihin ko naman, Riz.” Ani niya, tumatawa.

Kailangan niya talagang sabihin sakin ‘to! Aba! This is the first time in history that my bestfriend pursued a girl. Aba aba! Mukha binata na talaga ang lalaking ito.

“Okay okay! Now, tell me! Ano nangyari?”

He chuckled humorlessly. “Well, I got busted.” He bowed his head but unfortunately, I was able to see his eyes conveyer sadness…

And hurt.

“Luh! Bakit?”

“She confessed that she already had a boyfriend. Sakit lang, Riz. I put all of my efforts and time into her, she even shows signs that she’s into me but…” His voice cracked at the end.

He sighed. “Ewan ko, sana hindi nalang siya nagpakita ng ganon kung may boyfriend na pala siya. Ginawa niya akong tanga.”

My bestfriend was heartbroken, No! Scratch that. He’s down.

“Sige lang, Alex. Makikinig ako.” ang tangi kong nasabi dahil hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko.

Yes, it was the girl’s mistake to show signs that she was into Alex as well. But I don’t know her truth, the reason behind it. And also, I don’t want to conclude just because of one mere side of the story.

I understand Alex’s pain, he’s hurt, in pain. After all, he has his feelings and emotions to feel pain.

“Sa panahon na sinusuyo ko siya, na nililigawan ko siya, ibang iba eh.” He shook his head.

But then again, he needs to accept that he’s busted. They are still in the courtship so what’s the result, he must accept.

“Naiintindihan ko na nasaktan ka niya, na nasaktan ka. Valid naman ang nararamdaman mo, Alex. But since you are in the courtship stage and you got busted, you need to accept the truth that the result is not on your side. She must have her reason why she kept it or maybe she was weighing her feelings to come up with a decision. You need to accept. Move on nalang rin.” Sagot ko bago kumagat ulit sa burger na hawak ko. Ang sarap sarap talaga nitong Angel’s burger.

He looked at me slowly. Namumungay ang kaniyang mata na nakatingin sakin, may bakas pa rin na nasaktan siya.

Sa nakikita ko sa kaniya ngayon ay parang gusto ko nalang rin makilala itong si ate girl. Mukhang minahal na nga ng bff ko ang babae na ‘yon.

“I know. I’m a man. I know how to accept defeat. It’s just that I don’t understand why she hid the truth of her having a boyfriend. Really?  It is easy to turn me down, tatanggapin ko naman e bakit kailangan itago?” He reasoned.

Hays!

“Again, she must have her reason. I know it hurts, hmmm. But what I can only advise is to accept and move forward. Feel the pain until it hurts no more.” Talaga ba Riz? Makapagsabi ng ganiyan akala mo nagkajowa na e.

He smiled lonely before nodding his head. “Yup! Thank you, Riz.” Sagot niya bago kumuha ng isang Angel’s burger sa supot ng plastic.

Agad ko naman iyon hinarang. “Akin to lahat diba? Kulang pa sa akin ‘to, Alex.”

Kumunot ang noo niya, natatawa ng bahagya. “Tatlong Angel’s burger? Kulang sayo?” He asked, unbelievably.

Oo, mukha bang akong nagbibiro? Gutom ako oh! Chariz!

“Oo, pero sige dahil broken ka kuha ka ng isa.” pag bibiro ko. Ngumisi lng siya at gigil na kinagatan ang burger.

Ngumiti lang ako sakanya bago ako tumingin ulit at tinuon ang aking buong atensyon sa field.

I never thought that I would hear him ranting about his love life. Alex is the type of man who is focused on his goals in life. I’d never see him so broken… Like this.

And imagine, in those weeks of absence from our life a lot had happened. He got busy pursuing his girl and I got busy with work, and school. Kailangan ko pa bang isama ang nararamdaman ko, ang mga oras na nalaan ko sa Mayor na ‘yon?

I shouldn’t right?

Or maybe I…

But still, I am happy because we have our bonding time kahit na sobrang saglit lang rin naman. Everything that Alex and I shared is considered our bonding, kahit maliit pa yan o malaking bagay. Kahit ang pag-uusap lang or more likely ang pagkwento niya sa naging ganap aa buhay niya ay bonding pa rin na maituturing.

After we talked at the field, hinatid naman rin ako pabalik ni Alex. I saw some of my blockmates looked at us maliciously, the way they looked at us says how the think that we have something.

Habang nagliligpit ako ng gamit ay may isang anino ang sumulpot sa aking gilid. Sa amoy palang ng pabango ay masasabi ko ng si Dennis iyon.

“Uuwi ka naba agad? P’wede ba kita ayain kumain muna sa labas? Hahatid naman kita.” Pag-aya nito.

Hindi ko na lang alam ang gagawin ko para lang tumigil siya. Oo, na mamangha ako sa pagiging determinado niya na manligaw sa akin kahit pa ilang beses ko na siyang sinabihan na h’wag na… Na tumigul siya pero parang sa tuwing naguusap kami, lumalabas lang sa tenga niya iyon pagkatapos pumasok sa kabila.

Tipunan ko siya ng tingin na mabilis bago ibinalik sa aking ginagawa. “Ang kulit mo rin ‘no? Pang ilan mo na ‘yang pag-aya sa akin, ilang beses na rin kitang tinatanggihan.”

“Riz, I told you… I like you, I like you wholly. Can’t you see? I’m doing this to make you realize how persistent I am to have you, to make you fall and love me…”

Napa-iling nalang ako. Nang maipasok ko na sa bag ko ang mga gamit ko ay tumayo na ako at hinsrap siya.

Napagalaw siya dahil siguro ay nagulat sa bigla kong pag harap sa kaniya.

Guwapo namans si Dennis. Malinis at makisig kung tignan, seryoso rin sa pag-aaral at walang kalokohan na maririnig na ginawa niya. Alam ko rin na galing siya sa mayaman na pamilya kahit pa hindi niya ito sabihin, na ipagkalat. Sa tindig at kung paano pa lang siya gumalaw ay mahahalata mona. Idagdag mo pa ang mga gamit niya na markado ng isang mamahaling brand.

“Okay… Sige, payag na ako. Pero siguraduhin mo lang na wala kang ibang gagawin kundi ang ilabas ako para kumain ah.”

Nanlaki ang mata niya at kitang kita ko kung paano mamula ang pisngi at tenga niya. He nodded his head thrice like a kid who was being obedient.

“T-Talaga ba? Pumapayag ka na?”

“Oo, bakit ayaw mo ba?”

Umiling siya habang hindi na matanggal ang ngiti sa kaniyang labi.

“Syempre gusto… Gustong gusto. Huwag kang mag-alala, promise ay kakain lang talaga tayo tapos iuuwi na rin kita sa inyo.”

“Good,”

Hindi ko na siya hinintay na magsalita o sumagot pa dahil iniwan ko na siya ro’n at nauna nang lumabas.

Dennis proved himself to me, he indeed do anything aside from dining out. He brought me to a restaurant that was easily to identify based on the looks of it from the outside. Nag-usap lang naman kami…

Well, siya lang pala ang nagsasalita at daldal nang daldal. Tamang tango o minsan ay sasagot ako sa kaniya. Magaan rin kasama si Dennis lalo pag nakausap mo na siya. Madaldal ngunit puro may laman ang mga lumalabas sa kaniyang bibig.

He told me the reason why he chose our course when his parents want him to take the business course as he will be the future of their business. After that he drove me home.

Another week passed and just like what had always happened, I busied myself at work and school. Our units in each subject get so hard pero dahil isa akong palaban kinakaya ko.

Ganun rin sa trabaho. Marami rin ang nagiging customer namin sa araw araw. Some of our customers now regularly get their daily dose of coffee at our shop. Ang iba pa nga sa sobrang inaraw araw ay nakilala ko na.

“Hi! Good morning sir.” Agarang bati ko sa isang regular customer namin ng biglang tumunog ang pinto ng shop.

Tumango ito bilang pag balik bati at diretsong naglakad papunta sa aking kinatatayuan.

“What’s your order, Sir?”

“As usual,” He replied, his deep manly voice making him more handsome. Pogi siya sa suot niya office attire but you know… The voice? That deep tone of voice, wala lang. Ang sarap lang sa tenga, hehe.

“Got it. Anything else, Sir?”

“No, that’s all.”

“To go or for here?” I asked while recording his order into our system. He snatched his wallet out of his pocket and then looked at me with a smile plastered on his face.

“For here. Here’s the card… Riz.” He enunciated my name.

Shit!

“Uh… Yes, Sir. A moment please.”

Kinuha ko naman ang inabot niyang card at prinocess na ang payment. The way he says my name sounds like someone is being dragged into the water. I mean… Sobrang swerte ng magiging girlfriend niya. Mayaman, guwapo, at maganda pa ang boses. But there’s a downside to this type of man, he may be a womanizer, a playboy.

“Here’s your card, Sir.” I was about to hand him his card when he suddenly spoke. “My brother indeed speaks the truth. You are pretty and…” He eyed me. “Sexy,”

What?

Ano raw?

Maganda raw ako at sexy?

I blushed.

But wait… He said his brother.

“P-po? Ano po yun, Sir?” Pag ulit ko kahit na alam ko naman na alam niyang narinig ko ng buo ang kaniyang sinabi.

Kinuhe niya ang card sa aking kamay gamit ang kaliwa niyang kamay, his fingers brushed onto mine. Naramdaman ko ‘yon. Ang pagtama at paglapat ng daliri niya sa daliri ko.

He quickly put his card back into his wallet. Pagtapos ay tumayo siya ng tuwid at nakapamulsang ngumisi sa akin.

“Cute. Anyways, my name is Sylas. My brother wanted me to relay this message, he wants you to know that he’ll get busy. He misses you, Riz.”

Huh?

B-brother? Kapatid niya? Sino? Si Seth.

Magkapatid sila.

Okay…

Pero fuck!

I was dumbfounded and wasn’t able to say anything back. I was just looking at him, standing straight with my brain slowly processing everything. Tila naging 4MB ang utak ko do’n.

“Riz?”

“Uh.. Sorry.”

“Anyway, I’ll just wait for my drink there, that’s where I usually sit. Nice to finally introduce myself to you, sister-in-law.” He smiled and left me there.

Hindi ko alam pero parang may parte sa akin na hindi makapaniwala na magkapatid silang dalawa. I already scanned his face for a possible similar feature with him but there’s none.

Parehas na guwapo, check.
Maganda ang katawan, check.
Mayaman, check.

Pero sa mukha kasi talaga wala, ang hugis ng kanilang mga mata ay magkaiba, ang labi, ang ilong. Sigurado bang magkapatid sila o baka naman ine-eme ako nitong si Sylas.

Hanggang sa paguwi ko ay ‘yon at ‘yon ang aking iniisip. I don’t know why but I was too occupied with the idea that they are siblings. Ewan ko ba, pilit kong hinahanapan silang dalawa ng pagkakahalintulad para lang ma-convince ko ang sarili ko na magkapatid nga sila.

“Shems, Di ko napansin na wala na pala akong stock ng hormones,” reklamo ko ng makita ko na tatlong ampule nalang ang natitira sa estrogen ko.

Maybe they’re half-siblings or maybe—they’re just not identical. Tama! Mayroon naman na magkapatid na hindi magkamukha diba. Halimbawa nalang si Ramon at ang bunso namin na kapatid. Maybe hindi lang talaga sila parehas ng pinagkuhaan. Now! I am more curious about what their parents look like.

Tumango ako sa aking sarili. “Now! That is solved but there’s another one. Shit!” I groaned.

After I inject my estrogen into my legs, particularly at the vastus lateralis. I quickly lay down on my bed. I can’t help but think what Sylas said to me, that his brother misses me. Like how?

May babae siya ah? Nakita ko mismo. Naghalikan sila sa parking lot at lingkis na lingkis naman ang kamay nung babae sa kaniya. So, bakit niya ako mami-miss? Baliw na ba siya?

Pero bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko? I shouldn’t feel this way. I know, I have something for him but what should I do with it? Confess? No!

That kiss was a sign and a scene for me to realize that these feelings have no weight and should be kept deep inside. I need to move forward and forget that I have these.

Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

I am now standing in front of the man who hasn’t shown himself for a long time. He was sitting at my old and rotten sofa, his two long legs wide open while his left arm was well-resting on the left arm of the sofa, his right arm, no, his elbow, was resting there while looking at me… Para siyang hari na nakatingin sa kaniyang sinasakupan.

“What are you doing here this early, Mayor?” I asked. Umagang umaga nagising akong dahil may kumakatok. Akala ko nung una ay mga namaling shopee delivery o kaya naman ay ang mga nagdedeliver ng mineral water.

“Why? Am I not allowed to go here?” Wow! At nagtanong ka pa?

His eyes were so soft it was as if they were calling me to come, the way it looked at me made my heart thump.

I raised my right brow, and crossed my arms above my chest. “Oo, at ang aga aga binabaladra mo sarili mo dito sa apartment. Sinabi ko naman sayo na ayokong ma issue diba?” I reasoned.

Totoo naman. Sinabi ko na sakaniya na ayoko na may makakita sakaniya na pinupuntahan niya ako dito. People are easy to conclude, to imagine, to make a story with just one scene. Ayoko na maissue na isa akong mistress, kabit o kung ano man dahil unang una sa lahat ang ganda kong ito ay hindi para sa isang kabit.

Isa pa, sabi ng kapatid niya ay magiging busy siya? E bakit nandito ‘to?

His forehead knitted, not agreeing with what I said. “I already told you, Wife. I don’t have any ounce of care if they make this an issue. I am just a man, or perhaps their Mayor visiting his wife here. Is it not allowed?” ani Seth.

Talaga ba? Asawa? Wala dito ang asawa mo.

Thug. Thug. Thug.

I bit my lip to suppress the beat of my heart. Bakit ba pala react ‘tong lintik na pusong ‘to sa mga sinasabi ni Seth. Ako dapat ang kakampihan nito hindi siya.

“Your wife does not live here. Pwede kana umalis.” I pointed the door beside him.

I want him to leave. Hindi ako natutuwa sa nagiging reaksyon ng aking puso. Bukod pa rito ay ayoko rin talaga na makita o madawit ang pangalan ko sa kaniya. Malalagot ako kela Nanay.

He lifts his body from its position, and he then rests both of his elbows on his lap. Naka yuko na siya habang ang nakatingin sa akin. Ang dalawang kamay ay nasa tapat ng bibig at mataman niya akong tiningnan na para bang may hinahanap na mali sa aking mga sinasabi.

Bakit ganiyan siya makatingin?

He sighed. “I know na nagtatampo ka sa akin, Wife. I promise I will make it up to you. Babawi na talaga ako, I’ll be here now and then.” He stood up, hinawakan niya ang aking magkabilang siko.

I froze.

“I’m so sorry, Wife.” He whispered before he kissed my cheeks and then my lips. Hindi ako agad nakapag react sa kaniyang ginawa bagkos ay napatulala na lamang ako.

Nang humiwalay ang labi niya sa akin ay ganun na lamang ang pag init at pag tibok ng puso ko. My heart betrayed me again. I was certain that I’d bury these feelings deep inside of me, but my heart kept on pulling it up.

“S-Seth,” I muttered.

Seth pulled me close to him, removing the distance that was left between us. “Hmmm,” He then pressed our foreheads together and rubbed the tips of our noses against each other.

Gusto ko siyang singhalan, gusto ko siyang bungangaan pero hindi ko magawa. Para bang pati ang aking lalamunan at bibig ay tinaksil na rin ako tulad ng aking puso.

“Yes, Wife? You want to say something?” He gently asked, his voice was low and soft.

I shook my head.

Bwisit! Napaka taksil! Gusto kong sabihin na ang ginagawa niya ay isang maling bagay. Bakit ganito siya sakin? Akala ko ba ay may girlfriend siya, na may something sa kanila nung babaeng kahalikan niya sa parking lot ng university.

He wrapped his two big manly arms around me; he inclined his body a bit to level with mine. Dahil sa mas matangkad siya at mas malaki sa akin, tila ako isang medium size na stuffed toys na kaniyang yakap yakap. My hands automatically placed on his chiseled chest, stopping him from killing me because of the tight hug.

“I know you are angry at me, Wife. I really do, and I am sorry for that. If there’s another thing that I’ve done to make you more mad, please tell me. Malugod akong papakinggan ka, nakaluhod pa.” He murmured.

Sa katawan namin na magkayakap ay tila ako nahipnotismo ng kaniyang mga sinabi, lahat ng iniisip ko, pagdududa ko at mga hinala ko sa mga nakalipas na linggo au bigla nalang naglaho. My body felt so light that in one swoosh, I could fly away, the warmth that his body emitted making me so calm and free.

I have never been this close with a man, even with Alex. Hindi kami nagyayakapan. Unang beses palang ito, unang una palang. Si tatay at ang mga kapatid ko lang na lalaki ang nakayakap sakin. Ngunit ibang tao bukod sa kanila? Si Seth pa lang.

“You are the first woman who made me feel these emotions: the excitement when the time ticked at 6, the happiness surging through my body every time I see you, and the uneasiness I feel every time you don’t reply to my messages. All of those freaking feelings are all new to me, and you are the very first to make me feel that.”

Ako rin, Seth. Bago sa akin ang mga nararamdaman ko. At dahil, sa bago lang rin sa akin ay sobrang akong natatakot na baka panandalian lang rin ang lahat. Na baka isanf araw ay maglalaho lang rin ang lahat.

Parehas lang rin naman tayo, ang bigat na aking nararamdaman sa tuwing maalala ko ang aking nasaksihan sa parking lot ng University, ang sakit at hapdi na aking nararamdaman sa tuwing maiisip ko na lahat ng ito ay isa lamang sa iyong pagkukunwari at pawang walang katotohanan lamang. Na sa mga nagdaan na linggo na hindi ka nagparamdam sa akin ay parang ang gulo gulo ng utak ko. Kung hindi ko nga siguro nakayanan na i-focus ang aking sarili sa mga bagay na mas importante ay baka baliw na ako ngayon.

You are not the only one who is new to this; I am, too. Mr. Mayor. But unlike you, I was able to compose myself and hold all of this. I don’t know what I need to do, what I suppose to do with all of this. Hinding hindi ko maintindihan kung ano ba ang nararapat kong gawin.

We are nothing but a total stranger, Seth. We don’t have any strings that bind us. We are no friends, we are not related to each other, and even more so, we are not married or in a relationship. What was happening now is wrong. This shouldn’t be happening. But why did I feel that this was right? That.. this is fine and good. Bakit na gugustuhan ko?

At kahit pa na magkaroon nga tayo ng koneksyon sa isa’t isa, alam kong sa mata ng ibang tao ay magiging mali pa rin ang kung ano ang mayroon sa ating dalawa. Sa kahit anong bahagi na mayroon tayo ay makikita silang magiging mali. Unang una na ro’n ay aking kasarian. I am not a natural-born woman. Still, I am a woman. But in the eyes of the people, having a relationship with my kind is wrong and unjust. Their beliefs would conquer their minds and their ability to understand. They will only judge us and condemn our relationship. Condemn us.

I am nothing but a student of your family’s University, and I am not your girlfriend nor your wife. Our lives are on two sides of the world; yours are on the side where the gold was placed, and mine are on the side where the bronze was. In short, we are not compatible and should not meet.

I sob.

Mabilis na kumalas si Seth mula sa pagkakayap sa akin at nagaalala niyang dinungaw ang aking mukha, marahil ay narinig niya ang aking paghikbi.

“Wife, why are you crying?” Tanong niya, ang tono ng kaniyang boses ay mababakasan mo na nag-aalala siya.

Umiling ako at mabilis na itinakip ang dalawang kamay sa aking mukha. Nakakahiya hindi niya dapat ako makitang umiiyak tapos ang rason ay ang aking pag-iisip sa kung ano ba ang mayro’n sa aming dalawa. Ni hindi pa nga kami nagkakaroon ng malinaw na usapan, puro kalandian lang ang ginagawa niya. Ni hindi ko pa nga rin nasasabi ang aking nararadaman, hindi ko rin pa nasasabi na nakita ko ang nangyaring paghahalikan nila nung babae na nakalingkis sa kaniya sa tapat ng munisipyo.

Kaya bakit ba ako umiiyak?

“W-wife—”

“No, please. Umuwi ka na.” Mabilis kong sabi upang hindi na niya matuloy ang kung ano man na kaniyang sasabihin.

“Riz, may nasabi ba ako? May nagawa? Tell me, please.” He asked pleadingly.

I shook my head again.

“Wala po… Mayor. Please lang umuwi ka na.”

“No, wife. I will not leave you here crying. Please tell me, did I do something wrong?” His eyes are scanning my face, trying to convince me to tell him the reason why I was fucking crying.

No, I will never tell you the reason. I have already decided to bury these feelings within the very root of my existence. So, Ayoko and hinding hindi ko sa sasabihin.

I sighed and sniffed. Kumalas ako sa pagkakahawak niya sa magkabilang siko ko at humakbang ng patalikod. I comb my hair backward.

He let me have the space that I want. Maybe because he noticed that I wanted some space between us. Well, I really want it, and I need it.

I know Seth will never leave me here without getting any information he wants. Sa kalibre palang nitong lalaki na ‘to mahihinuha mo nang hindi ito nagpapailalim sa kahit sino man.

“You didn’t say anything wrong; you have your point. But honestly, All I want right now is for you to leave. Sobrang aga nito, Mayor. Ni hindi pa ako nakakapaghilamos at nakakapag sepilyo oh.” Pag-papaliwanag ko. Gusto ko nalang rin matapos ‘to. Buo naman na desisyon ko. It’s just that I have this feeling that if Seth would stay here any longer, my decision would just falter and later on might change.

His presence, his warmth, and his touch are affecting me so hard.

He bowed his head in defeat. “Is… Is that what you really want, Wife?” He asked huskily. Ang boses niya ay may bakas ng lungkot at dismaya.

I nod thrice, kahit na nakayuko siya at hindi niya ‘yon makikita. “Yes, that’s what I want and… what I needed.”

He massaged the bridge of his nose before shaking his head like he had just realized something hilarious. “Alright. What my wife wants, my wife gets.”

I was a bit shocked when he didn’t protest what I requested. He smiled at me… sadly. “Babalik na lang ako. I’m sorry, Wife.” He then turned his back on me and left.

When he apologized, I felt my heart being slapped by a big palm over and over. Ang kirot at parang bigat na bigat ako. Tila gustong kumilos ng katawan ko para pigilan siya kung hindi ko lang ito napigilan.

The next day came, and Alex was in my place when Seth came back. He is wearing a branded oversized black t-shirt partnered with grey shorts. Ala-singko ng hapon nang kumatok siya sa pinto habang kaming dalawa ni Alex ay nasa salas at nanonood ng movie na kaniyang dala dala.

“Someone’s knocking, Riz.” Alex notified me.

I looked at him and wince. “We? Wala naman akong narinig.” Hindi ko alam kung nagbibiro ba siya o nagsasabi ng totoo dahil wala naman akong narinig.

He wiggled his thick eyebrows. “Oo nga bhie.” Pangungumbinsi niya ngunit natatawa sabay kuha ng chichirya na aming kinakain.

Wala akong nagawa at tumayo ako at pinagbuksan kung sino man ang taong kumakatok. I never expected someone to visit today. Alex is here, the only close friend I have had since grade school. Hindi naman siguro si…

When I opened the door, the man that I pushed away yesterday welcomed me. Seth’s standing in front of my doorstep, standing straight and proud. His bulky and big body towered me. Gwapo siya nung nakasuot siya ng pang trabaho niya pero hindi ko inaasahan na may mas i-gwapo pa siya ng nakaganito lang siyang ayos. A T-shirt partnered with just grey short and Nike shoes.

I crawled my eyes from his face down to his body, nang mapadpad ako sa gitna ng kaniyang mga hita ay napalunok ako. My eyes stayed there for a moment, enjoying what I was seeing there as if it was the movie that was playing on my laptop.

“Hi, Wife. Good afternoon.” He greeted me with full of joy.

I gulped. Ang laki… B-Bakat.

“Uh…”

“Riz, sino yan?” Tanong bigla ni Alex mula sa salas.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero bigla aking kinabahan at parang natatakot sa kung ano. I shouldn’t be scared, right? I did nothing wrong.

I quickly took a peek inside where Alex was. Then I looked at the man in front of me.

His joyful and soft face was now gone, it was replaced by a hard and dark expression.

His eyes were now bloodshot, and his lips were now formed in thinned line. His jaw clenched.

Shit!

“Who’s with you, Wife?” Tanong niya sa seryoso at tila galit na tono.

Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

“Who’s that, Wife?” Seth asked me again firmly, his forehead knitted. His eyes became dark as if something is coming. Something bad is coming.

“Uh…” Ang tangi kong maibigkas, gusto kong sabihin kung sino iyon. Gusto kong ipaalam pero dahil sa kaba at takot na nararamadaman ko ngayon ay walang salita ang lumalabas sa aking bibig.

He licked his lip, his jaw tightened. He looked at me, waiting for an answer that I couldn’t say.

“Wife?” He called me.

I swallowed hard trying to remove the unknown vile from my throat. Bakit ba ako natatakot? Wala naman akong ginagawang masama, wala naman akong kasalanan. Pero bakit ganito?

Pumaywang siya habang tumingin sa akin ng napaka dilim. Sa paraan niyang ‘yon ay lumambot na ang aking tuhod at feeling ko ano mang oras ay babagsak ako sa takot.  Ngayon ko lang siya nakita na ganito, his aura, his expression, and his eyes say it all that he is angry or…

He cocked his head to the side when I failed to his call. “You hiding something. Hmmm.” He said. The way his eyes and words synchronized was clear evidence that he was not happy.

“H-hiding? W-wala ah. Bakit ka pala nandito?” Pagtanggi ko sa kaniyang paratang. Wala naman akong tinatago ah. Wala rin naman akong kasalanan.

He smirked at me. “Why?” He laughed without humor. “I always visit you here, Wife. Now, who’s with you inside?” He asked back.

“Uh… My b-bestfriend.” I bit my lip after I answered him.

His brow raised. “Bestfriend huh? What’s the name—”

“Riz, bakit ang tagal mo naman d’yan? Sino ba ang dumating— Oh, kayo po pala Mayor. Bakit po kayo naparito?” Ani Alex.

Shit! Why am I so nervous? As if I did something bad, something wrong. We’re just having our usual bond. Movie Marathon. But because of Seth’s presence here, it makes my heart beat fast as if it will boom out of my chest. Plus, my legs are wobbling. I could feel them could collapse anytime now.

Mabilis akong humarap kay Alex na nasa likod ko na ngayon, nakatayo habang hawak hawak ang isang malaking balot ng chichirya na aming kinakain. He was chewing them while looking at the man behind me, in front of my doorstep.

“A-Alex,” was The only word I could utter. May tila bumara sa lalamunan ko na isang malaking bikig.

Takte, bakit ba ganito ako? Bakit ba kinabahan at tila takot na takot ako? Si Alex lang naman ang kasama ko at lalo ng si Mayor lang naman ang dumating. But why is my body reacting as If I were caught doing forbidden deeds?

Alex looked at me for a moment, his right brow raised. Searching for any hint on my face as to why I sounded like a lowly scared cat.

Alex opened his lips, maybe he would ask me what was happening to me. But the Mayor swiftly took the moment and cut him off. Leaving his mouth slightly gaped.

“Yeah? And why are you here with my. Wife. Alone?” Matabang at sarkastiko niyang tanong. Sobrang diin nang pagkakabigkas niya na para bang may gusto siya patunayang punto.

I swallowed hard. Shit!

Alex’s gaze quickly turns to the Mayor. He smiled at him, sweetly. “Ah, kami? Nanonood kami nitong si Riz ng movie. Alam mo na, bonding namin dalawa.” mayabang at mapagmalaki niyang sagot. Inakbayan niya ako kaya naman napalapit ako sa kaniya. Ang balikat ko ay pawang nakasandal sa katawan niya.

Ganun na lamang ang panlalaki ng mata ko nang masaksihan kung paano dumilim ang kaniyang mukha sampung beses kumpara kanina.

His eyes looked at our bodies, it was like a wildfire. It was like shooting a burning gaze that could make our bodies move apart, burned. His jaw tightened, highlighting how it was perfectly carved in shape as if God had taken all of his time just to make a man this perfect.

“Move,” Mayor’s dark orb slowly crawled to Alex’s face. He cracked his head to the side before a devilish smirk formed on his lips.

“Huh?”

“I said move, get your ass away from my wife.” He said seriously. Napapigtad ako pati na rin si Alex sa aming kinatatayuan. Dahan-dahan niyang binaba ang kamay niyang naka akbay sa akin at lumayo ka unti.

Ang mokong mukhang natakot rin ata sa lalaking kaharap namin na pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa ang pinapakita niyang mukha sa amin. Mayor’s aura was like a flame now. Para siyang si goku na galit na galit at naka super saiyan mode.

“W-Wife?” Ulit ni Alex sa salitang sinabi ni Mayor. He then looked at me with his brows furrowed.

I bit my lip. Lumingon ako kay Alex at dahan-dahang umiling. This is crazy! Talaga naman na pati sa harap ng best friend ko ay sawabihin niya ang salitant “Wife”. What if Alex believes him that we have a thing? That I’m his wife?

Alex took a glance at the man behind me before looking at me with his brows still furrowed.

“Totoo ba?” He mouthed.

I shook my head, disagreeing. Pero may kung anong kirot ang pumanaig sa aking dibdib na para bang hindi ito sang ayon sa aking ginawa

Nawala ang kunot sa noo niya at tinaas kaniyang kilay, then he nodded. Kahit ito lang ang reaksyon niya ay alam kong gets niya kung ano ang gusto kong mang-yari. Alex stood straight and firmly held the chichirya that he still eating.

Dumukot siya ng isang piraso at sabay itinapat sa bibig ko. Nagtataka akong tumingin sa kamay niyang nasa tapat ng aking bibig.

Umiling ako.

Anong ginagawa niya? Di niya ba nakikitang galit na yung isa dito at ano mang oras ay sasabog na. Sa dilim ng kaniyang mukha ay parang onting pasensya nalang ang natitira sa kaniya.

Alex slightly tilted his head and looked at his hand, signaling me to open my mouth.

Ngumuso ako.

“What are you guys doing?” Mayor’s voice filled with irritation. I quickly turn my body to him. His face still has the same expression. Madilim at inis ang makikita ro’n.

“W-Wala ah.” Agaran kong sagot. My heart still hammering, and my body was shivering more and more as time went by.

I swallowed hard. “Nanonood kami ng movie sa loob, a-ano ba. Uh… Bonding namin magkaibigan. Ikaw? Ano ginagawa mo dito?” Ani ko.

The mayor looked at me suspiciously as if he were not convinced by my answer. Sumulyap siya sa lalaki sa likod ko bago nagpakawala ng buntong hininga. Hindi ko alam pero nang bumuntong hininga siya ay parang nawala ang bigat aking dibdib at ang kaba ko ay unting unti nawawala.

Yumuko siya at hinilot ng marahan ang sentido niya. When he raised his head, my nervousness suddenly disappeared like a bubble that was popped in the air.

His eyes are now calm and soft, ang kanina niyang mukhang madilin ay nawala na. Kumalma na rin ang itsura ngunit alam ko na tinatago niya lang ito.

“Okay, Wife. I came here to visit you and…” he glance at Alex again who was now still holding the chichirya and he rolled his eyes at him, his damn eyes. Gosh! He looks so hot!

Fuck! No!

“I brought you food.” He continued.

My eyes widened a bit. I bit my cheek stopping a smile forming on my lips. “T-Tapos? Ano pa?” Nagulat siya sa sinagot ko na kalaunan ay pati ako nagulat. Bakit parang may inaasahan pa akong ibang bagay na dinala niya sa akin. At nakakahiya pa baka mag assume itong Mayor na ‘to na inaasahan ko na talagang pumunta siya rito.

A smirk formed on his lip, maybe he was amused by what I said. I know he didn’t expect me to say those words dahil sa mga panahon na lagi niya akong dinadalaw dito ay hindi ko pinapansin o tanongin man lang siya kung ano ang mga dala niya.

Nang magsasalita siya ay may dumaan na mga tao na nakatira dito sa apartment. Gulat at nahihiwagaan ang mga ito kung bakit ang pinakamamahal nilang Mayor ay nasa tapat nitong pinto ng apartment ko. The most and well respected Mayor of all.

Of all ba?

Eme.

“I also—”

“Hi, Mayor! Ano pong meron at nagawi po kayo sa mumunting apartment na’to.” Bati uli ng isa sa mga nakatira dito. Hindi nanaman niya nasabi ang kung ano mang gusto niyang sabihin dahil sa kakabati ng mga kapitbahay.

Dito pa lang ay masasabi kona na ang aming mundong dalawa ay malayo at magkaiba. He was loved and respected by the people of his city while I was just a normal person who lived in a shadow. I never expected him to become this crazy just because he has feelings for me.

Or baka naman nag asssume lang ako at ang totoo ay pinagt-tripan niya lang ako.

At tyaka alam kaya niya na hindi ako natural na pinanganak na babae. Also, did he not seem to notice that I am a transwoman. Sa boses ko palang na parang inipit at isa pa, baka magulat siya pag nalaman niya na ang tinatawag niyang “Wife” ay may pellet gun na inipit sa pagitan ng aking mga binti.

“Hello! Good evening. I went here to visit my wife—”

“Mayor! Pasok na lang po tayo sa loob.” Agaran kong putol sa balak niyang sabihin. I crane my neck a bit to give him a signal for what I mean.

Ito talagang lalaking ‘to wala siyang kahit anong pinipili at talagang sasabihin niya ang kabaliwan niga. Bakit ba ganap na ganap siyang asawa niya ako? ni hindi nga kami at walang namamagitan sa amin.

Mayor turned his eyes on me, there was a glimpse of joy in his eyes. He also does not get offended by what I did, for cutting him. I know I’m being rude there but I also don’t want any of these people here to think that we have a thing.

He nodded.

I give a quick smile and nod to my unit neighbor before turning my back to them and going inside my unit.

Hindi ko alam pero tila ako nilagay sa freezer ng ilang oras hanggang tumigas dahil hindi ako makagalaw. Napapagitnaan kasi ako ng dalawang barakong lalaki.

On my left side was Alex, sitting. His left foot is resting on his right lap while eating the chips. Kanina niya pa iyon kinakain.

I heaved a deep sigh.

Even if I don’t look at him I know that he is boaring his warm eyes at me. Seth was sitting in his usual pose. I am in the middle of these two dominant male on my old rotten sofa.

“Stop doing that…” I whispered.

Kitang kita ko mula sa gilid ng aking kung paano niya ako tingnan. He cocked his head to the side and looked at me amused. He crossed his hands above his head before licking his lower lip.

“Doing what?” He asked. His voice is filled with amusement and playfulness.

Dahil sa kaniyang sinabi ay napabaling ang aking tingin sa kaniya, and just like what I expected he was smirking at me while his eyes glistened with joy.

Sarap suntukin sa nguso eh. Susuntukin ko ba?

I rolled my eyes at him which made him burst into laugh.

I just watched him while he was laughing. This man is very unpredictable. You could never predict nor read him. Ni hindi ko nga mabasa kung totoo ba siya o talaga trip niya lang ako.

I felt my heart sprint.

Tingnan ko pa lamang ang guwapo at napaka linis niyang mukha ay sapat na para pabilisin ang tibok ng aking puso. No’ng una ay wala naman ‘to, ni wala akong paki sa mga pinag gagawa niya at tanging inis lang ang aking nararamdaman sa kaniya. But him being a hard-headed and persistent dick of a man, his everyday presence dug a deep hole into my heart and disturbed its peace.

Nang mapansin niyang pinapanood ko lang siyang tumawa ay huminto siya, ang kaniyang naaaliw na mukha ay napalitan ng pagtataka. His brow arched and he looked at me wondering.

“Is there something wrong in my face, Wife?” He asked in a low voice.

I shook my head. “Wala. Akala ko ba may dala kang pagkain? E, nasaan? Alangan naman na makisali ka sa pagm-movie marathon namin ta’s wala ka man lang ambag na pagkain.” I squinted my eyes at me.

For a moment, he was shocked but quickly turned into an amused expression.

He nods his head like a kid.”Ah yes! Wait, I left it in my car. Wait here, Wife. I’ll get.” He said. He then stood up, bore a glance at Alex then smirked at him before turning his body around and went outside to get the food.

Bumalik rin naman siya pagkalipas ng ilang minuto. He’s carrying the food that he mentioned earlier and 2 iced coffee from my favorite shop. I don’t know where he got the information about it but knowing him? Account ko nga sa social media nakuha niya yan pa kaya.

The day ended having the Mayor joined us for our Movie marathon. And all the time that he was with us, he was just there to guard me and glared at my bestfriend instead of watching and enjoying the movie.

Sabado ng umaga nagising ako dahil sa sunod sunod na tawag mula sa aking kapatid. My heart sank as soon as Ramon shared the unwanted news. My mother was rushed to the hospital because of the intolerable pain in his lower back and abdomen, and the doctor found out that she was suffering from rectal and colon cancer. Hindi pa alam kung anong stage na.

“A-Ate, paano ‘to? S-Sabi ng doctor kailangan raw dumaan ni nanay sa operasyon.” malungkot at nang gagatal na saad ni Ramon sa akin. Nagmadali agad akong na-ayos kanina para makasunod agad sa hospital.

I brushed my hair and heaved a deep sigh. This is not what I was expecting to happen.

“Huwag ka na mag-alala ako na ang bahala. Gagawan ko ng paraan para may pang bayad tayo.” I said to reassure my brother. He looked at me suspiciously before nodding his head.

Ramon looked at the man behind me.

“Ate sino siya? Boypren mo?” Bulong na tanong niya sa akin. Yep! I forgot that Seth was accompanying me here.

Paglabas ko kasi sa apartment kanina sumalubong sa akin ang imahe niya. Kabababa niya palang sa sasakyan niya at halatang bagong ligo rin. At dahil sa balisa at hindi ko na alam kung ano ang daoat unahin ay um-oo nalang ako sa alok niya.

Umiling ako. “Hindi, boss ko siya. Hinatid lang ako.” Tumingin ako sa kaniya at ngumiti ng matabang. His eyes met mine, wondering. “Sir, si Ramon po pala kapatid ko. Ramon si Kuya Seth mo boss ko sa trabaho.”

Rinig ko ang mahinang pag-alma niya ngunit mabilis akong tumingin sa kaniya ng may nangbabantang tingin. Subukan mong magsabi ng isa sa kabaliwan, masusuntok kita. Chariz!

He glanced at me and my brother before clearing his throat. “Y-Yes, I’m his boss. Nice to meet you, kid.” He then offered his hand to my brother who was looking at him suspiciously.

“We? Boss? Mag jowa kayo eh, niloloko niyo pa ako. Susumbong ko kayo kay nanay.”

Napa-pikit ako ng mariin. Punyeta! Bakit ko ba nakalimutan na may pagka-satanas ‘tong kapatid ko.

“Hindi nga kami mag-jowa—”

Umiling siya. “H’wag mo na itanggi ate. Huli ka na! Nay!” He ran quickly and went inside the room where my mother is.

I massaged the bridge of my nose. Bakit nga ba hindi ko inisip ‘to bago isama itong lalaking ito dito? Gosh! I couldn’t able to think straight the moment I heard about the news! Kaya kumalma ka. Hindi naman siguro susumpungin ng kabaliwan ‘tong lalaking ‘to!

Now, I know this battle will cost us a lot but I will do anything just for Nanay to win this. Walang pera pera sa akin, gagawin ko lahat.

Pinaliwanag rin sa’kin ng doctor ang mga kailangan gawin kay Nanay, they explained everything including the options that we can choose. But there are a lot of tests that they need to do first. Wala naman akong magagawa at sila lang rin ang may alam. Tahimik lang rin sa tabi ko si Seth, he was just there, listening to what the doctor explaining.

Ang nanay ko naman ay imbis na makinig sa mga pwede niyang mapagdaan ay nakatitig lang ito kay Seth buong oras. Nakangiti at tila tuwang tuwa sa mukha ng lalaki.

“Nobyo mo yan anak?” bulong niya habang pinagbabalat ko siya ng orange na dala namin kanina.

Mabilis akong napabaling sa kaniya. “Nay, pangalawa kana sa nagtanong niyan. Hindi ho, boss ko lang po siya at talagang sinamahan niya lang po ako dito. Nagmamagandang loob lang po.” pagkumbinsi ko.

Tumango naman siya ngunit may nakakaloko pa rin na ngiti sa kaniyang mga labi. Tila hindi rin siya naniniwala base sa mga mata niya. Ang Nanay talaga imbis na magalala sa sarili ay itong pang-bubusisi pa sa amin dalawa ni Seth ang inuna.

“Nay…” Tawag ko. Tumawa lang si Nanay bago kinuha ang aking kaliwang kamay.

Napatingin ako ro’n. “Nak, alam kong may gusto ‘yan sayo. Ganiyang ang Tatay mo makatingin sa akin no’n bago siya manligaw sa akin. Nararamdaman ko rin na may kakaiba sa’yo. Gusto mo rin ba siya?” Diretsa niyang tanong.

Nanlaki ang aking mata sa kaniyang sinabi. I never thought that Nanay would say and ask me about it. I mean, is it too obvious that I have something for him? Am I that transparent?

Tanging ngiti lang ang nasagot ko kay Nanay. “Nak, ako ang pinaka masaya sa buong mundo pag nakita na kitang maabot ang mga pangarap mo. Alam kong alam mo na sobrang proud na proud ako sayo. Pero anak hindi mo kailangan pigilan ang sarili mo. Alam ba niya?”

Umiling ako bago magkibit balikat. Honestly, hindi ko alam kung alam niya ba na Trans ako o hindi. Hindi naman rin kasi mahirap mapansin sa akin dahil hindi naman ako ganun kaganda. I have the look. Yes. But I don’t I was that pretty and babaihan for him not to notice that I’m trans.

Hindi ko rin naman tinatago ‘yon, if someone asks me I answer them with all honesty. I am more than happy to share my truth. Never kong ikakahiya at itatanggi. Heto ako eh, ito ang naging ako at kung ang aking kapalaran. Sa puso ko at sa isip ay babae ko kaya ito ang napili ko. Napili ko ang maging totoo.

I will never be ashamed of who I am and what my gender is. Ganon naman dapat talaga, maging totoo at tapat palagi.

A month continued with his presence became usual to me, he was there every day and every night as if he didn’t get tired from all his work. Nalaman ko rin na hindi lang pala pagiging Mayor ang kaniyang trabaho. He was also the one who designed the University. Our University.

Nasanay na ako sa presensya niya sa araw-araw to the point na parang mas inaabangan ko pa ang pagdating niya sa paglabas ng bagong episode ng k-drama na aking sinusubaybayan.

I thought my feelings for him were just temporary and soon disappeared as he only filled the absence of my bestfriend plus the thrill but I was wrong. Instead na mawala ito ay mas lalo pa atang lumala.

Paano ko nasabi?

I know myself better than anyone and the changes happened in me. At some point, I noticed that I was starting to crave his time and attention. Hinahanap hanap ko na rin ang presensya at mga bagay na ginagawa niya pag magkasama kami. I also tend to see him everywhere like I was hallucinating.

Ang pagc-chat niya rin sa’kin gamit ang dummy account niya ay hinihintay ko na rin.

As for Dennis, hindi na rin siya muling nang gulo sa akin… Kapag nakikita niya ako sa room namin at magkakatingin kami ay siya na agad ang iiwas ng tingin na para bang may kung ano sa akin. Ewan ko ba pero pagkatapos kasi namin kumain sa restaurant na ‘yon at pagkatapos niya ako ihatid sa bahay ay hindi na siya ulit nagparamdam na kahit na nasa iisang unit o class kami.

Hindi ko na rin inabal ang sarili kong tanungin siya dahil baka naisip niya rin siguro na hindi nya talaga ako makukuha sa ginagawa niya. Kahit pa nakakapagtaka nalang rin ang ginagawa niyang pag iwas sa akin.

I craned my neck trying to see what my professor was writing on our whiteboard. It’s my last subject today and this day was a tiring one. I wanted this to end gusto ko na kasing magpahinga. Magpahinga nga ba o dahil excited ka lang sa pupuntahan niyo ni Mayor?

I giggled.

Aminin ko, Oo, excited ako. Nagchat kasi siya sa akin kanina na susunduin niya raw ako at i-d-date niya raw ako sa isa sa mga nakita niyang magandang tambayan. He also sent me a short TikTok video that highlights the place.

The place called Kape Hingahan that was located in Angono, Rizal.

I didn’t know the place nor have an idea where it was located. But I know that it was far from San Fuego. Overlooking ang nakita ko sa lugar at maganda nga talaga, marami rin bilihan ng pagkain at ng kape.

Kaya naman nang natapos ang klase ko ay dali-dali akong umiskapo paalis ng room. Alam kong nasa parking lot na si Mayor at naghihintay.

Nang makarating sa parking lot ay tama ang hinala ko na nandun siya. He was standing straight and handsomely leaning against his car door. He’s wearing a grey hoodie and a black short. Naka crocs lang rin ang suot niyang pang sapin sa paa.

He looks so handsome and very… teenager ang dating.

Sarap! Eme!

Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

Gabi na nang dumating kami sa lugar na sinasabi niya. The place was good and the air was fresh to breathe. Overlooking rin ang lugar at kita mo ang lake. I don’t know which lake was it.

Unang beses ko rin makapunta sa ganitong lugar, hindi naman kasi ako maalam at hindi rin ako pala labas na tao at gala. I never thought I could go to this kind of place, to witness such a great view. Nakaka kalma nga ito at nakakabigay rin siya nakaka ibang konsetrasyon. I would say that this kind of place is good for people who seek inspiration and concentration.

“What do you want?” Seth asked me, nakatayo kami ngayon sa harap ng food stall dito. We already have drinks which is the usual one.

Iced coffee.

I shot him a glance before shifting it back to the menu that was showcased at the top of the food stall.

“Uh…”

I saw from my peripheral view that he tilted his head a bit to look at my face. There’s a smile plastered on his lips.

“Fries nalang po sa’kin ta’s burger… Yung combo po.” Saad ko.

“Okay po, Miss Beautiful.” Ani ng nagtitinda. Bumaling ang tingin niya sa kasama ko at bumalik rin sa akin. Tingin ko ay may kung iniisip siya tungkol sa amin base na rin sa paraan niya ng pang uusisa.

Nako! Mali ka ng iniisip mo kuya, walang namamagitan sa’min nitong si Seth. Mukha lang mayro’n pero walan. Bakit parang tunog naman na nanghihinayang ka? Gustong gusto ba?

I stood straight. Tumingin ako sa paligid namin. This place was nice, a perfect place for unwinding. There are a lot of vendors, spots, and also the view that gives you and feeds your hunger to relax. It’s already 7 PM and yet there are lots of people here. Maraming mag couple, magkaibigan at magkapamilya ang naririto.

Bumaling ako sa lalaking kasama ko. Nakahilig siya sa pader ng food stall na aming pinagbilhan, he was looking at me. The way his eyes locked on me says that he was anticipating me, maybe my face or…

My reaction.

My brow arched.

“What?”

He shook his head. May ngiti sa kaniyang mga labi.

“Nothing, you are so pretty.” He then winked at me.

“Psh. Bulero.” I said trying to dismiss his words on me.

My heart was beating fast as if it was a horse racing.

“What?! No! I’m telling the truth.” Natatawa niyang ganti.

Tumayo siya ng tuwid at pinasok ang dalawa niyang kamay sa bulsa. He then bit his lower lip before bowing his head. I never thought I’d be this so unease with someone, with a man. My heart couldn’t calm just because he was with me, the warmth feeling in my stomach. Alam ko na gusto ko na siya, na may nararamdaman na ako.

Oo, sinabi ko man sa sarili mo na hindi muna ako magkakaroon ng ganito sa isang lalaki dahil sa aking pakay sa pgluwas sa lugar niya. Pero sino ba ako? Tao lang rin ako, may emosyon at damdamin.

Sa panahon na kasama ko siya, no, sa panahon na lagi siyang nasa tabi ko ay hindi ko na naiwasan na masanay at magkaroon ng pagkagusto sa kaniya. Well, in all honesty. Seth is kind, gentle, and wise. Hindi ko man kayang hayaan ang sarili ko na buong magtiwala sa kaniyang mga pinapakita pero doon man lang ay alam kong totoo siya.

Hindi ko rin masisisi ang mga tao sa bayan na kaniyang hinahawakan kung bakit mahal na mahal siya at nirerespeto siya. He cared for them, he cared for his city. Sa paligid at sa lugar palang ay makikita mong sobrang alaga siya. Not that he was the one who cleaned the places, syempre may mga inuutosan siya. But still, he was the one makes the command.

I rolled my eyes.

“Whatever, Mayor!”

Ramdam ko ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko, ang init na nararamdaman ko. Kakaibang init, yung init na hindi nakakakaba kundi nakakalma.

After a moment, nakuha naman na namin ang aming order ang humanap na rin ng pwesto. We fixed ourselves sa bandang gilid. Mahangin na rin at kitang kita ang city lights.

“I’m now happy and calm since you hang out with me here.” He cut the long silence.

Wala kasing nagsalita sa amin pagkaupo namin dito. Tanging pagnguya ko lang kasi ang aking inatupag. In fairness, masarap ang burger nila. Hindi man kalasa ng Angel’s Burger pero palaban pa rin. Ang fries naman nila ay mahahaba at matataba. Yes! You heard it right. Matataba. Like gosh hindi ko alam kung darili mo na ba to or what? Ang taba kasi talaga.

Napabaling ako sa kaniya bago ako kumagat muli sa aking burger. “Wala ‘yon. Pang bawi ko lang sa mga nagawa mo. Sa pagsundo at hatid sakin at no’ng panahon na na-ospital si Nanay. Bakit? Hindi ka ba masaya?” tanong ko sa kaniya.

He bows his head before shifting it to me.

He smiled, sadly.

“No, not until we came here.” He answered, he lifted his head, and looked at the city light view.

The light from it reflected into his eyes, then there it was the emotions that I hadn’t seen before. Ang mga nata niyang nagpapakita ng kakaibang pagod, lungkot at pagiging mahina na kailanman ay hindi ko nakita sa kaniya o kahit na sino man. Maraming tao ang kumikilala sa kaniya bilang mabait ngunit mabagsik sa larangan ng politika. 

I looked at him, attentively.

“Ano bang nangyari? Y-You can share it with me, you know.” I suggested.

He shifts his gaze at me. He smiled.

“Really? You won’t sneer at me?” Ani Seth. Kahit na may mapaglaro sa tono ng kaniyang boses alam at ramdam ko pa rin ang lungkot na naro’n.

Ngumiti ako bago tumango.

“Oo naman. Ayaw mo ba?”

His eyes widened a bit. Mabilis ito ngunit kitang kita ko ang pagkagulat sa kaniyang mga mata.

“Nope.”

“Yun naman pala eh.”

“My mother and father were forced to marry each other for the sake of their family’s businesses. My father hated the idea of arranged marriage while my mother was fond of it. Now, since I am the oldest and in the right age. She wanted me to marry her best friend’s daughter so they could fulfill their teenage dream.”

Huminga siya ng malalim bago bumaling sa akin. Nakating lang ako sa kaniya kaya naman nang bumaling siya sa akin ay agaran na nagkasalubong ang aming mga mata.

Hindi ko inaasahan na may ganito pa rin palang nangyayari. Ang akala ko ay tanging sa mga palabas at storya sa libro ko lang ito mababasa at makikita but I was wrong. Hearing it from the person who is now under it was different, the emotion that was laced in his eyes and voice, the objection and, fear.

“I know the woman she wants me to marry, I met her many times and…” He swallowed. May biglang takot at kaba ang nanuot sa kaniyang mga mata. Wala akong masabi, ayoko siyang pigilan sa kung ano niyang gustong sabihin. Nakatingin lang ako sakaniya.

“I don’t like her, she’s not… You. I mean, she has the looks but she doesn’t have all the things I liked about you. You chained me, Wife. I’m in love with you.  I-I know you are scared. I-I scare you for suddenly popping myself in front of you and claiming you as mine. I’m sorry for that but I can wait… I can wait for you until you’re ready to be with me, to be my real wife. I don’t want to marry her, to follow what they want. I’m at the right age, I have my own mind to think and decision to make.”

“Then don’t do it.”

Nanlaki ang mga mata niya sa gulat dahil sa aking sinagot bago ito namungay.

“What did you say?” gulat niyang tanong.

“I said if you don’t want to marry whoever they wanted you to marry then don’t. You have your own life, it’s up to your decision after all.”

Kinuha niya ang aking kamay at hinalikan ito.

Napalinga linga ako sa paligid. Baka mamaya ay may nakakakilala sakaniya rito at maging chismis pa ‘to.

“Aight, I won’t agree to it. I will not marry her ‘cause I have my wife, I have you.”

Grabe ang tibok at kaba sa dibdib ko sa mga sinabi niya. Sinubukan kong maghanap ng kahit anony bahid nang pagpapanggap sa kaniyang mata ngunit wala akong nakita. He repeatedly kisses the back of my hand and caresses it. He then put it on his lap before shifting his head towards the view.

Hindi ko na alam paano ko papakalmahin ang takbo ng aking puso. I have never experienced this from a man as I grew up with my mind focused on my goals in life. Hindi ko alam kung dahil rin ba sa pang-deadma ko sa mga lalaki noong senior highschool pa ako.

“I know I am such a freak for my confession that day, I saw how you were shocked and I’m so sorry for that.”

“M-Mayor,”

He nodded his head as if he understood what I was about to say even though I wasn’t able to say it.

“I know. I am so sorry.”

Hinalikan niya ulit ang aking kamay. The way his pinkish lips touched my skin was too soft and warm. Para siyang ingat na ingat ngunit sabik na sabik.

“I love you, Wife.”

Pilit kong binaliwala ang kaniyang sinabi, pilit kong hindi intindihin ang salitang ‘yon. I know that even though I have now feelings for him, the idea of me having a relationship with him was impossible, having him as my first boyfriend. It was like a cloud falling from the sky.

Siya na rin nagsabi na gusto ng magulang niya ang makasak siya sa anak ng best friend nito, na para sa pangarap nila matagal na. Also, his parent was forced to marry each other just for them to keep their business safe. Sabagay mayaman nga naman gagawin ang lahat para mapanatili ako kung anong kayaman ang mayro’n ang kanilang pamilya.

I only read this in books and watched it on television but now, hearing it from him makes me realize that in reality, it was indeed happening.

“Sis, samahan mo ako sa canteen. Babuyla lang akis ng fudang, na jutaytomi na si watashi.” Ani ng ka blockmate kong trans na si Jenny.

Napabaling sa kaniyan ang ulo ko.

“Ate ko, Seryoso ka ba? Nagsusulat pa ako ng lesson kanina.”

Ngumuso siya.

“Ate, pwede naman yan mamaya. Saglit lang tayis, buyla lang akis. Please?” Ngumuso ito at pinabilog ang kaniyang mata. Kaya kalaunan ay napapayag niya rin ako.

Si Jenny ay isang transferred student. Ayon sa kaniya ay taga Maynila raw siya at napiling pumunta pa rito dahil sa maganda ang kwalidad ng edukasyon. Hindi ko naman na siya tinanong pa ng kung ano ano dahil ayoko rin na makaramdam siya na pinanghihimasukan ko na ang buhay niya. O baka isipin niya na feeling cloae ako.

Maganda si Jenny, petite at maliit ang katawan kumpara sa akin. She has a black curly hair. Maganda siya at ang pinaka nagustuhan ko sakaniya ay ang babaehan niyang boses.

Unang pasok niya pa lang ay napagkamalan siyang babae ng aking mga kaklase, tulad na tulad rin noong nagpakilala ako sa kanila.

“Susunduin ka mamaya ni Mr. Upong violet?” Tanong niya at bahagyang natawa. Nakaupo na kami ngayon sa canteen.

“Ewan, siguro. Busy ata siya ngayon.”

“Swerte mo ate ko. Nabingwit mo ang Mayor nitong bayan na’to, may ari pa ng university na’to. Perfect! Sobrang babaihan. Hindi ko inaakala pumapatol pala siya sa tulad natin, I mean no offense ate pero sa tindig at itsura ni Mayor ay parang nananakal ‘yon ng anes.” Saad niya.

Mabilis akong napabaling sa kaniya at lumingalinga kung mayroon bang nakarinig sa kaniyang sinabi. Parang tanga Riz!

“Ewan ko rin ate. Simula kasi no’ng nag-apply ako ng student assistance sa office niya eh iba na agad ang galaw niya. Tyaka isa pa ate napapaisip ako na sa tagal niyang naka-sunod sa akin at sa palagi namin na pagsasama, alam niya kaya na may pellet gun akong tinatago sa loob ng panty ko.”

Natawa si Jenny sa sinabi ko no’ng dulo. Bahagya niya ring hinigit ang laylayan ng aming buhok.

Maarte akong dumaing kahit man ay hindi masakit.

“Gaga? Totoo? Wis pa niya gereret na tranene ka. Ate! Imposible naman na hindi niya alam, pogi siya at feel ko halimaw sa kama pero ang pagiging bobo ay never kong naisip sa kaniya.”

Natawa naman ako.

“Sabagay. Pero paano kung hindi niya alam? Paano kung akala niya ay madre perlas ang mayro’n ako at hindi isang pellet gun?”

“Kung gano’n man ang totoo edi kailangan mong sabihin. Karapatan niya rin naman malaman at isa pa doon mo rin makikita kung talagant seryoso siya. Teka nga ate, kayo naba?”

Napaiwas ako ng tingin kay Jenny at binaling ito sa mga istudyanteng dumadaan sa labas ng canteen.

May punto naman si Jenny, kailangan ko ngang ipagtapat kay Mayor na trans ako kung sakali man na hindi niya alam. Pero kasi ang pinagtataka ko lang talino at bagsik niya sa larangan ng politika ay malabong hindi niya malaman na kung ano ang totoo sa kasarian ko. Matalino siya at degree holder.
I know I am being too forward and advanced but I am just thinking that he knew already what my gender identity is. I was just being myself, I wasn’t hiding myself in a closet just for everyone to get deceived. I have never been disgusted for what I am, for what I am born. I am free, true, and honest. I am my own mirror, I am transparent, and those people who knew me, close to me know it.

On the other hand, I know that the truth is all he deserves if he didn’t know that I am trans. I’m willing to confess, to admit. After all, I don’t the people I love to get deceived even from me.

Bumalik rin kami ni Jenny pagkatapos namin kumain. After our last class and since isa lang ang subject namin na papasukan bukas ay pumayag na ako sa pag-aya niyang lumabas at tumambay. Maghapon na rin naman niya akong kinukulit na pumunta raw kami at tumambay sa sumusikat na Kapihan dito lang malapit sa amin. Over looking raw ito dahil nakatayo ito sa bandang paanan ng bundok.

“Ate, hindi ka naman hahanapin ng boylet mo ne?” Tanong niya bago sumimsim sa Iced Coffee niya. Maarte niya itong binaba sa table at kinuha ang phone niya at  kinuhaan ng picture ang kaniyang inumin.

Umiling ako. “Hindi naman, nagtext siya kanina na busy raw siya edi sinabi ko na may pupuntahan rin ako.”

Pinanood ko siya sa ginagawa niya, she took more shots before putting her phone on the table. She sassily arched her brow at my remark.

“Wis ba nagtanong kung sink heyhey ang kasama metch?”

“Sinabi ko kaibigan ko. Alam niya naman na wala akong ibang sinasamahan kundi ikaw at si Alex lang.”

I picked up my drink and sipped on it. Masarap ang pagkakabrew nila ng coffee, from the first taste you’ll know that the drink has the quality.  Working from the same shop, selling the same product. I learned a lot, and when I say a lot, it’s a lot-lot.

She crossed her arm on her chest and leaned back on her chair.

“Waji ka bang nagiging boylet bago itong si Mayorch?”

Umiling ulit ako habang sumisimsim sa inumin. Pagkatapos ay binaba ko ang inumin ko sa lamesa at tinikman ang slice ng cake na inorder ng babaita.

“Wala, Ate. I told you I was too focused on my studies before that’s why I didn’t have much time to flirt and have the ‘experience. Seryoso pa rin naman ako sa pag-aaral ko kaso nga lang ang pinagkaiba ay may Seth.”

Tumango naman siya na parang naiintindihan ang sinabi ko. She then lifted her body and had a spoon of our food.

Kinuha ko ang pagkakataon na ‘yon para maikot ang aming kinalalagyan. The place was beautiful, from the interior to the color of the whole place. And from what Jenny has said the place was indeed over looking. Tanaw mula rito ang kabuohan ng San Fuego. Maganda at nakakalma ang tanawin ngunit mas lamang pa rin ang pinuntahan namin ni Mayor sa Angono, Rizal.

“Ate, may nararamdaman kana ba kay Mayorch? I mean, bet mo na rin ba siya or what? Kasi kung hindi akin nalang.” Tanong niya, humagikhik siya matapos niyang sabihin ang dulo nito.

Now, I felt the air get heavy and our conversation was now turning into a serious one. I know that she’ll ask me about how I feel for him.

I sighed. Sumimsim ulit ako sa kape bago sagutin ang kaniyang tanong na para bang sa paraan na ‘yon ay makakakuha ako ng lakas ng loob na sabihin ang aking nararamdaman.

“Y-yes, Ate.” Sagot ko. Maarte niyang tinakpan ang kaniyang bibig habang sumisinghap.

“Ate teka ha! Pero oo ate, mayro’n akong nararamdaman sakaniya. Bago kasi sa akin ang lahat. As in Lahat, yung mga kilos niya at ang mga ginagawa niya. Hindi ko pa kasi iyon nararanasan sa buong buhay ko, sakaniya  pa lang.”

Hindi nagsasalita si Jenny bagkos ay mataman niya lang akong tiningnan at pinapakinggan ang mga sinasabi ko.

“Ang kulit kasi niya ate!” Natawa ako ng bahagya. “Siya lang ‘yong lalaking sobrang kulit, tila siya buntot ko at ako yung mismong katawan. Hindi na nahiwalay. Ta’s minsan pag hindi kami magkasama kahit wala kaming komunikasyon, alam niya kung saan ako hahanapin para siyang walking google map.”

Natawa si Jenny.

“Nagegets kita, Ate. Makulit nga.”

Tumango ako. Sobrang kulit.

“Pero Ate, tulad ng sinabi ko kailangan mong masigurado kung alam niya ba na isa kang trans. Malay ko kasi na hindi niya pa alam tapos nalaman niya tapos hindi pala siya napatol sa gano’n. Paano ka?”

Bigla akong kinabahan sa kaniyang sinabi.

“Ate, ang akin lang bago ka umamin at maging open sa nararamdaman mo. Siguraduhin mo muna na forda go pa rin siya kahit ano man ang kasarian mo. Mapa Trans ka man o hindi—” Hindi natapos ni Jenny ang sasabihin niya nang biglang nanlaki ang kaniyang mata sa likod ko, namutla rin bigla ang bibig niya at parang nakakita ng kung ano.

I followed where she was looking at and there he was, the man that I’m having these feelings for. The Mayor of this City, the first man who made me fall.

Seth Adriel Del Prado, 27 years old.
Mayor of San Fuego.

“M-Mayor?” Nauutal kong tanong at mabilis na napatayo sa aking upuan. My heart started to bang, loudly. I felt my body shivered. Bumigat rin ang aking dibdib.

“Wife, what did she just say? You are what?!”

Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

I felt my body stiffened and stuck in place. I couldn’t move or talk. Nakatingin lang ako sa itsura niya na gulong gulo at tila naghahanap ng sagot sa mukha kong alam kong nagpapakita ng takot.

Ramdam na ramdam ko ang bigat ng paligid, ang paninikip ng aking dibdib at ang pag-iinit ng aking mga mata.

Bakit nga ba ako naiiyak? Dahil ba sa hindi ko inaasahan na nandito siya o dahil sa narinig niya ang usapan namin dalawa ni Jenny. O baka naman alam ko na ang sagot at sadyang hindi lang talaga tinatanggap ng utak ang ko ang sinasabing sakit ng aking puso, na ang katotohanan na hindi niya alam na isang akong trans.

Na pinanganak na lalaki at lumaking naghahangad na maging isang tunay na babae. Umiinom ng hormones upang mabago ang pisikal at mentalikal, na magmukhang babae, na makuha ang kung ano talaga ang aking nararamdaman para sa sarili. Na iayon ang aking katawan sa kung ano talaga ito.

Sa iba ang katulad namin ay isang hibang, baliw at salot sa lipunan. Isang lason na pinandidirian at kinasusuklaman. Isang sakit na akala nila ay nakakahawa, na isang nakakadiring nilalang na dapat ay nauubos at nawawala.

I know that many people genuinely appreciate and support us in the LGBTQIA+ community, celebrating our identities and the rich diversity we bring to the world. However, I am acutely aware that there are still those who harbor disdain or outright rejection towards us. These individuals often fail to grasp the inherent value of every human being, overlooking the fundamental purpose of life itself: to coexist peacefully and authentically in our shared world.

It’s important to acknowledge that everyone has their preferences and beliefs. However, the act of judging others or feeling repulsed by our existence goes far beyond mere personal opinion. It stems from a deeper misunderstanding and fear of what they do not know or cannot accept. Rather than fostering an environment of acceptance and mutual respect, these judgments reflect a refusal to recognize our humanity and the love we seek. Every one of us deserves the freedom to walk through life without fear of condemnation, simply for being who we are.

And for that, I know that the reason why I feeling this right now is because I am scared of the truth that the man I first liked, hates me. Na hindi niya kayang magmahal ng tulad ko, na isang trans.

“Y-You are what?” His voice was laced with confusion as his eyes searched my reaction. He was scanning my face like there was something he wanted to see to deny what he said.

He brushed his hair up, para siyang problemadong problemado. Ang bigat bigat sa dibdib.

I gulped. I looked down on our feet. Nakatayo na kami rito sa labas, nasa tapat na kami ng sasakyan niyang kulay itim dahil matapos niya kasi akong tanonging sa loob at hindi ko nasagot. He instructed me to follow him outside, hindi na rin ako nakapag paalam sa kaibigan ko. Kay Jenny.

“What did your friend say? Did I heard that right?” He asked me again but this time in a calm way. Alam kong nagpipigil siya at pilit kinakalma ang sarili.

Alam ko naman na nakakagalit nga naman ‘yon. Ang malaman na ang nagugustuhan mo ay taliwas sa kasarian na gusto mo. Na hindi ko man lang nasabi sakaniya ang totoo.

I slowly crawl my eyes up to him. His dark and tired eyes met mine. May bakas rin ng pagod ang kaniyang mata. Ang panga niya rin at umiigting, hindi ko alam kung dahil ba sa galit o iba.

Nakagat ko ang bibig ko at mariin na pumikit.

I swallowed hard. I looked at his eyes. “I-I’m a trans,” sagot ko.

Kumunot ang noo niya at bahagya niyang tinagilid ang kaniyang ulo. He then scanned me from head to toe before staring at my eyes. Para siyang naghahanap ng ginto sa isang putik.

“Y-You what? T-Trans?”

Tumango ako.

“I-I’m a transgender, I am not biologically a woman. B-But I am a woman.” I tried to fight the heaviness within my chest but my voice couldn’t hide it. Nauutal ko iyon na ipangtapat sa kaniya.

His eyes widened the moment I repeated it. Nagpabalik balik ang kaniyang tingin sa aking mga mata. Suminghap siya bago tumalikod sakin ngunit bago pa niya maitalikod ay kitang kita ko ang pag-igting ng kaniyang panga.

Nakatingin ako sa kaniyang malapad at maskuladong likod, bumabakat ang bawat linya ng kaniyang muscle sa suot niyang polo shirt.

I know that after this he will never show himself again. His reaction to my confession says it all, it’s all enough for me to understand that he’ll eventually leave me, abandon me.

Ang bigat na aking nararamdaman ay mas lumala. Nanikip ang dibdib ko at para akong dinaganan ng isang buong gusali. I can hardly breathe, it stings. I’m hurt. Alam ko naman kung bakit ako nasasaktan, dahil sa nararamdaman ko sakaninya. Kahit na hindi ako umaasa na pagkatapos nito ay mananatili siya at…

Mamahalin niya ako tulad ng sabi niya.

Naginit at namimigat na ang mata ko. I closed my eyes tightly. Kahit gustong-gusto kong umiyak alam kong mali na gawin ‘yon sa harap niya. Alam ko na una palang ganito na rin naman ang mangyayari. At isa pa, nangako ang sa sarili na hindi ko ipapakita sakaniya na may nararamdaman na ako sa kaniya.

Susulitin ko nalang ang sandaling ‘to na nakikita ko siya ng malapitan at nakakasama.

He faced me. The shock, and confusion in his face are now gone. Blangko ang kaniyang ekspresyon na nakatingin sa akin.

“M-Mayor—”

“Get in, I’ll drive you home. You need to rest.” He cut me off. He then walked towards the other side of his car, to the driver’s seat.

Ilang minuto pa akong nakatingin sa kaniya bago akong pumasok sa sasakyan. Hindi na ako umasa na pagbubuksan niya ako ng pintuan. I know he’s mad, and I understand him.

Nang nasa loob na kami ng sasakyan ay tanging katahimikan ang bumalot sa amin, I chose to look outside the heavily tinted mirror and not to talk. Hindi rin naman siya nagsalita ngunit nararamdaman ko ang mga tingin niya sa akin.

Siguro kung una palang na nalaman niya na trans ako, hindi na siguro siya nangulit at sumunod-sunod sa akin. Kung una palang ay nalaman na niya ang tunay kong kasarian ay hindi na siya gabi-gabing nasa apartment ko, kung siguro una palang nalaman na niya ‘yon ay hindi na ako mahuhulog at magkakaroon ng ganitong damdamin sa kaniya.

Sino ba naman hindi magagalit kung malaman mo na ganito kababaihan ay may pellet gun palang tinatago sa aking hita?

May panibagong kirot ang bumagsak sa aking dibdib. The pain was different, the stung deeper like a knife being stabbed in my chest and reached the inner core of my heart. Ang sakit pala no? Na kung kailan mayro’n heto na ako at nagiging pamilyar sa mga nararamdaman ko sa kaniya tyaka pa siya aalis.

Nang makarating kami sa Apartment ko ay tipid lang akong nagpasalamat sa kaniya at nagpaalam. And just like what I expected he didn’t follow me to my unit instead he stayed inside the car. Ganun ang ginagawa niya dati sa tuwing ihahatir niya ako pauwi galing shift ko sa cafe or galing akong class. Now, it felt so different, there was something unfamiliar breeze lingering around.

Kinabukasan ay magang maga ang mata ko dahil sa kakaiyak. Nang makapasok kasi ako sa aking kuwarto kagabi ay hindi ko na napigilan ang mga luha kong naguunahan na sa pagbagsak mula sa aking mata. I cried everything out, my feelings, my doubts, and my regret. Kung siguro naging totoo lang ako, baka… Baka nay pag-asa pa kami.

“Your eyes are puffy, what’s wrong?” Alex asked.

Umiling ako at pumunta ng kusina upang kumuha ng tasa para sa aming dalawa, sinalinan ko rin ito ng mainit na tubig bago pumunta sa lamesa at magtimpla ng kape.

Sumunod si Alex sa akin. Ramdam ko ang presensya niya sa likuran ko.

“Really? Sakin ka pa magtatago? Alam ko kung naiyak ka, kung masama ang loob mo o ano. Riz, we’ve been friends for more than a decade now. I’m your besfriend, and you know that I wouldn’t let this day end without you saying what’s behind those puffy eyes.” Umupo siya sa tapat ko at kinuha ang kape na tinimpla ko.

Sumimsim siya at suminghap na para bang ang kape na tinimpla ko ay ang pinakamasarap na kape na natikman ko.

Mataman akong tumingin sa kaniya. Nang ibaling niya ang tingin sa akin ay mabilis kong itinuon sa kape ang aking tingin.

Maybe Alex is right. Maybe I should know better that he was the last person that I could hide and lie to. He is right, we’ve been friends now for more than the years I can remember. He was there when I took my first step toward transitioning, he was my buddy, my armor. No wonder why he memorized what’s behind the emotion in my eyes.

And this friendship we have is one of the things I treasure. This is a gem for me. I can’t lose this friendship, and if ever it happens I don’t know what will happen to me.

“A-Alex, ano mararamdaman mo kung malalaman mo na ‘yong taong gusto mo ay hindi pala ‘yong inaakala mo?”

His eyebrows meet. Tiningnan niya ako na para bang may sinabo akong isang biro.

He leaned on the backrest of the monoblock. He crossed his hands on his chest. Nagsumiksik ang mga muscle niya sa braso.

“What’s with the question, Riz?”

Umismid ako. “Sagutin mo nalang!”

He chuckled. “Okay. Masasaktan syempre, mapapatanong kasi ako kung bakit hindi niya pinakita o pinagtapat ‘yon sa akin. Na hindi man lang niya naisip na ipakita ‘yong totoong siya. Bakit?”

“P-Paano kung hindi naman niya tinago? Sadyang hindi mo lang naman napansin o nahalata?”

Ngumuso siya, hinimas niya ang kaniyang labi.

“Hmm… Then, we’ll talk. I’ll talk to her about it. Kung ganun na hindi niya iyon tinago edi wala siyang kasalanan.”

Napatango ako. Hindi ko naman talaga kasi tinago kay Mayor but still naiintindihan ko na maaaring nasaktan ko siya, na baka nga hindi siya pumapatol at kayang magmahal ng katulad ko.

May kung anong pait ang kumalat sa aking lalamunan. I know that he may not come here again, but If he doesn’t, then I’ll let him be. Wala rin naman kaming label, mayro’n man akong nararamdaman para sakaniya at kung siya rin man ay mayro’n. Hindi no’n mababago na walang naging ano man kaming dalawa.

“Bakit Riz?”

I shook my head. “Nothing, just a random thoughts. You know hormones hitting up then overthink attacked.” Pinili kong itago nalang iyon kay Alex.

Napangiwi siya at umiling. “Angsha ka talaga”

Natawa ako sa kaniyang turan. Talagang natuto siyang gumamit ng Beki words.

Gaya ng aking inaasahan ay hindi na rin talaga nagpakita o pumunta si Mayor sa akin. Kahit masakit sa aking dibdib pero nilunok ko nalang at pilit na tinanggap. Wala naman akong magagawa rin kung ganun nga ang gusto niya at ‘yon ang desisyon niya. Hindi ako pwede ganun at kakapit ako sa anino ng aming mga nararamdaman. Sa totoo lang kahit naman na kausapin ko siya at paliwanag ang kung anon ang side ko, kung buo ang desisyon niya ay baliwala pa rin.

Bata pa lang ako namulat na ako sa kung ano talaga ako, na hindi angkop ang aking pangloob sa panglabas kong ka-anyoan. Alam kong hindi ako lalaki, na isa ako babae na napunta sa maling katawan. Hanggang sa lumaki ako, sa mapansin at malaman nila Nanay at Tatay ang tunay kong kasarian, sa makapagaral ako.

Tulad ng nasabi ko. Men are the last thing I want to deal with, to have a romantic connection as I always focus on my goals to finish my studies and get the life that my family deserves.

Marami ang nagsubok manligaw, pumorma at kung ano ano pang paraan ang ginawa para lang makuha ang atensyon ko but they all sucked and failed.

“Riz, ikaw muna maghatid nitong mga order ako na muna jan.” Utas ni Cleo, manager namin rito sa Cafe.

Tumango ako. “Yes po.” kinuha ko muna ang order nung isang customer bago ako pumasok sa likod at kunin yung order.

Pang-isahan tao lang ang order. Isang iced coffee at pesto. I immediately held it in my hand and went straight to where the customer sat.

“Here’s your order, Sir. Thank you and sorry to keep you waiting.” Bati ko sa kaniya habang abala ako sa pagbaba ng order niya sa kaniyang lamesa.

Ngumiti ito. “No worries, Riz… Thanks.” He said with his deep voice.

Tiningnan ko lang ang kaniyang mukhang pamilyar at ngumiti rito. I bowed my head before leaving his table. Ganito ang nagiging siste ng cafe namin pag sobrang daming customer at punoan kami. Friday kasi at dagsa ang mga istudyante sabayan pa ng mga nagtatrabaho.

Ganun ang naging takbo ng buhay ko sa mga nagdaang araw, trabaho-bahay-school then repeat. At hindi ko na rin nasilayan pa ang mukha ni Mayor dahil hindi na talaga siya nagpakita sa akin. Kahit ang dummy account niya ay hindi na rin nagmessage sa akin. Sa unang dalawang linggo ay napansin ko na hinahanap hanap ko ang presensya niya ngunit nang lumipas ang isang buwan. Nasanay na rin naman ako.

Nakakarinig pa rin naman ako ng mga balita tungkol sa kaniya dahil sa mga kablockmate ko o kahit sa trabaho ko. Ang tungkol sa mga proyekto niyang pinapagawa at ‘yong ibang naging matagumpay. Ang mga karangalan niyang nakuha bilang isang namumuno sa isang bayan.

I just thought that maybe we were not meant to exist in each other lives. Or maybe we are just stranger who needs to cross our paths and learn. Dahil rin sa nangyari, mas naging vocal na rin ako tungkol sa kasarian ko, sa kung ano talaga ako sa mga lalaking gustong pumasok sa buhay ko. May mga nagtangkang manligaw ngunit hindi rin nagtatagal.

“Ate, magliwaliw naman tayo. Jinom jinom ganon. Libre ko na basta inom tayo alak wag puro hormones.” pangungulit ni Jenny.

Tumingin ako sa kaniya nang nangingiti. “Bakit ba gusto mong uminom? May naganap nanaman ba?”

Nanlaki ang mga mata niya, namula rin ang pisngi niya. “W-Wala no! Gusto ko lang mag liwaliw. Patapos naman na ang sem natin, deserve naman natin ‘yon.” Aniya bago tumikhim.

“We ba?”

“Oo nga Ate! Tyaka labas labas rin sa comfort zone mo. Kumilala ka jan o kaya magpakarat ka na. Maraming oms ang mahaharvat mo sa pes mong kasing ganda ng isang dyosa.” Biro nito sabay maarteng umirap sa akin.

“Gaga! Alam mo naman na hindi ako sa gano’ng bagay diba? Pero sige papayag ako, mangaka ka na isang beses lang ‘to ha?”

Tumango siya.

“Oo ate. Pangako! Ano G naba?” she leaned forward and looked at me with anticipation.

“Oo na. Saan ba?”

“Yes! I know a place, maraming oms dun! Sikat.”

Naiiling nalang ako at bumalik sa pagre-review ng mga lessons. Sana tama at maganda ang maging experience ko sa ganito. Hindi naman siguro masama ito. At isa pa, siya kaya ay mahilig uminom at mag…

Bahala na.

Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

These things are new to me, I am not the type of person who is into parties, drinking, or hooking up with someone. I was raised in a household that was focused on achieving our dreams. I never once tried to do this type of thing, hindi nga ako nakipagtropahan sa mga kaklase ko na mga akala mo ay tambay lang sa kanto kung umasta sa loob ng aming classroom, ang subukan pa kaya ang ganito.

Naging buhay ko ang pag-aaral ko at pag tulong ko kina Nanay at Tatay sa pagbebenta ng barbecue at tusok-tusok sa tapat ng bahay namin. Eskwelahan-bahay-pagbebenta lang ang naging buhay ko. Hindi ko kailanman nasubukan ang lumandi o mag nobyo nobyo man lang. I also don’t have a friend or a circle back then. I only have Alex who was just like my tail and was always following me everywhere I go.

This is my first time entering a club and from what I see, this club was not just a club. This is a high-tier club that only a few people can come and have their shit here.

“Come on, Riz! Stand up and dance with us.” Jenny shouted. Nasa harap ko siya ngayon at marahang kinukumpas ang kaniyang katawan.

We are now here in a club in BGC, Taguig. When we came here sobrang na culture shock ako sa paligid. Sumalubong sa amin ang makulay at sobrang garang kapaligiran. The interior design of this place was so cool and… Elegant.

A color mixed of Black and Grey. The place is well furnished and… Shit! The counter where the alcohols are displayed was very aesthetic. There’s a light at the ceiling that highlights the most expensive drinks. Nakatutok ang ilaw mismo sa mga bote ng alak.

The place was lightly covered with smoke. And there’s a space where people are dancing. In front of them was the stage where the DJ was.

I shook my head at her. May natatawang ngiti sa labi. “I’m not good at dancing, Ate. I’ll just watch you there from the counter. Okay?” I shout back. Sobrang lakas kasi ng tugtog kaya naman kakailanganin namin sumigaw para lang magkaintindihan, magkarinigan.

When I agreed to have fun, hindi ko naisip man lang na sa ganito niya ako dadalhin. Ang nasa isip ko lang ay ang sa mga kainan, sa fast food o kaya sa mga food park na nagbebenta ng alak. Naisip ko pa na baka mag-1 vs 1 kaming dalawa sa alak.

But this? Hindi talaga sumagi sa isip ko ‘to.

Nailing siya habang natatawa. She raised her hands that were holding a glass of alcohol, and she then swayed her body seducingly.

“Gosh! You’re so boring, Girl! Come on! Try! Magpakantot!” Sigaw niya.

Tuluyan na akong natawa at tumalikod sa kaniya. Umupo ako sa counter and nag order ng drink na sinabi sa akin ni Jenny na hindi raw nakakalasing.

Tequila.

“One glass of tequila po,” I said to the man in front of me.

He smiled at me. “Sure, Ma’am.”

Ngumiti rin ako sa kaniya.

I don’t know but suddenly I dared to try everything that Jenny told me except dancing.  Siguro dahil ngayon ko lang nakikita na iba pala talaga ang mga ganito. Na there’s something about doing this kind of thing. Sa tanan kasi ng buhay ko talaga naman na puro aral lng ako, ang tingin nga sakin ng mga nagiging classmate kong babae at mga bading ay boring daw. Boring ang buhay ko at walang thrill but honestly, it wasn’t boring to me at all. Nag-eenjoy kasi ako sa pag aaral. Sa pagkuha ng mga kaalaman.

On the other hand, I understand their side as well. Maybe because that’s their preference in life, that’s their way to say their life was enjoying. Magkakaiba kasi talaga tayo, we have our own qualities, preferences, and characteristics. Sabi ko nga, hindi porket lahat tayo ay pare-parehas na humihinga ng iisang hangin ay dapat pare-parehas rin tayo sa lahat ng bagay.

I held the glass of tequila in my right hand, I rested my head on my left hand while eyeing my friend who was now dancing erotically with a man on the dance floor.

While looking at her, I slowly raised the glass to my lips and sipped the drink.

Ganun na lamang ang pag-ngiwi ng aking mukha ng malasahan ito. Kahit hindi ko makita ang itsura ko, I know what it looks like. Sobrang tapang o baka dahil hindi lang ako sanay.

“Shit!” I swiftly put down the glass on the table and wiped my lips.

What the? She said that this has the lowest alcohol level of all the drinks here but why is this taste so…

Napalunok ako.

Baka heto nga ang pinaka mild nila rito? So kung mild na ‘to pero ganito na ang lasa, e ano ang lasa nung pinaka matapang nila?

I shot my eyes onto my drink. If this was their mild drink, then I don’t have any choice but to try this. Heto lang naman rin kasi ang pinunta ka rito, ang makatikim ng alak. Isa pa ay sagot naman ni Jenny ang alak. Wala naman akong ibang gagawin kundi ang i-try to at uminom. Hindi ko kaya ang mga ginagawa ng iba rito, na halos maghubad at sa sofa na nila gawin ang…

Uminit ang pisngi ko. Ano Riz? Bakit mo naiisip ‘yan? Di ka pa nga nakaka-isang baso ay tila kana nalalasing sa ginagawa mo.

Muli kong dinampot ang baso ng inumin ko at sinubukan ko ‘yon lasahan. Dinutdot ko muna ito ng hinalalaki sabay ko tinikman iyon. Shit! Hindi ko ata talaga kaya inomin ‘to.

Napatitig ako sa baso. Kailangan ko itong masubukan at kayanin. Masasayang ang ibabayad ni Jenny kung hindi ko man lang ito magagalaw o maiinom. Nangako rin ako sa kaniya na magpapaka liwaliw ako. Pero pano ba gawin ang bagay na’yon?

Gosh! Sobra ba akong nagpakainosente at pati kung paano gawin ang pagliliwaliw ay hindi ko alam.

Pinikit ko ang aking mata at mabilisang nilagok ang baso ng alak. Ramdam ko ang lasa nito na gumagapang sa lalamunan ko. Ang init rin nito sa lalamunan. Shit! I did it.

I ordered another one and stared at it for a moment.

“Gosh! That was so much fun! I’ll see you late— Oh, Ate. Ano iyang ginagawa mo at tinititigan mo lang iyang alak? Don’t tell me di mo kaya?” Si Jenny na ngayon ay nakabalik mula sa pag-sayaw.

Napalingon ako sa kaniya. Nangingiwi.

“Sigurado ka bang mild lang ‘to? Bakit ganito ang lasa?”

“Huh? Ano ba ‘yan?”

“Teguila,”

“Teguila?!”

Tumango ako. “Oo, bakit?”

“Gaga ka! Binibiro lang kita sa tequila dahil akala ko nagpapaka inosente ka lang pero di ko alam na hindi pala talaga. Ate! Matapang yan.” natatawa niyang sabi. Umupo siya sa tabi ko at may kung anong sinenyas sa lalaki taga serve.

Pagkakasabi niya palang no’n ay medyo naramdaman ko na ang onting hilo. Shit matapang nga siguro ‘to. Hindi rin talaga ako maalam sa mga alak, ang alam ko lang na alak ay ang redhorse at gin bilog na parating bukang bibig ng mga kaklase ko noong highschool pa lang ako.

Experiencing it now made me realize that this is the thing where I would never be familiar with. Kahit ilang beses ata ako pumunta rito hindi ako masasanay, matututo o ano man sa mga kaganapan. Not just with the liqour but with everything that is happening inside the club.

I looked at her. She was now holding a glass of alcohol, kulay brown ito ngunit di ko alam kung ano iyon.

She must have noticed that I was looking at the drink in her hand. She chuckled.

“Don’t dare to try this, Riz. Iba ang magiging tama nito sayo. Mukha pa naman na mababa ang alcohol tolerance mo.”

“B-Bakit? Ano ba ‘yan? Matapang ba ‘yan masyado?” Sunod-sunod kong tanong.

Natawa siya.

“Oo, Ate ko.”

Natawa ako at napapailing nalang sakaniya. Marami pa ang kaniyang sinasabi ngunit tila ako nabibingi dahil sa mga lalaking pumasok sa club.

They were wearing black uniforms, and from where I was sitting I could see that they were wearing something in their ears. Naka shades sila kaya hindi mo maaaninagan ang kanilang mukha. Nakikipag usap sila sa mga lalaking nasa malapit sa entrance. They’d stay there for a moment they roam around the bar.

May biglang kaba ang dumapo at pawang tumambay sa puso ko. Hindi kaya ang mga Men in Black ni Mayor ang mga lalaking iyon. Pero baka naman hindi. Sa ilang buwan na lumipas na hindi na siya nagpakita sa akin baka may iba ng kinababaliwan ang isang ‘yon.

Hindi malabo.

Sa akin nga na mabilis siyang nabighani siya sa pang labas kong kaanyuan ngunit mabilis rin siyang umayaw nang nalaman niya lang ang tunay kong kasarian.

A sharp blade of reality plunged into my heart. Masakit rin pala talaga ang gano’n lalo pa’t alam ko sa sarili ko na may nararamdaman na ako sa kaniya. He didn’t give me a chance to explain or even ask me what’s the reason.

Gaga! Bakit ka pa niya tatanongin kung nasaktan rin ‘yong tao?

Nasaktan? Nasaktan ba siya o baka talagang inayawan niya lang ako.

Hindi ko na namalayan na napaparami na pala ang inom ko. Jenny even changed the drink I was drinking to a lighter one but since I already had a few shots of Tequila, tinamaad na rin ako.

Kinabukasan nagising nalang ako sa kuwarto ko. Nakahiga nang pabaliktad sa kama at sobrang gulo ang buhok. Ngunit ang kinalaki ng aking mata ay ang suot kong damit.

Nakasuot na ako ng pajama. Si Jenny ba ang nagpalit ng damit sa akin o…

Hinanap ko ang aking phone at gano’n na lamang ang pangangarag na aking naramdaman ng makita ko na alas-dose na ng tanghali. Gaano ako kahaba natulog?

Buti na lamang ay wala akong shift ngayon sa cafe kaya hindi na rin masama na nakatulog ako ng mahaba. May isa naman akong klase ngayon at mamaya pang alas singko ng hapon.

I tried to remember everything that happened yesternight but all I could remember was when I drank and drank that juice-like that Jenny offered to me. Doon din ata ako mas lalong nalasing e, kahit pa kasi lasang juice ito may parte pa rin do’n na malalasahan mo ang alak.

And suddenly I remembered the group of men that looked like people from a man I knew. They’re much looked like his Men. But I never saw them around after they went somewhere in the club.

Hindi kaya ay taohan niya ang mga ‘yon at siya ang hinahanap? O baka naman ay nandoon rin siya at sadyang may inutos siya sa mga iyon.

I sighed. I shouldn’t be thinking of him right now. He must be happy with whoever he was with.

“OMG! Ate! Do you remember those bulky oms kagabi? Shit! Nasa likod lang pala natin sila. And guess what?! They’re standing in our back like they’re kinda guarding us.” Si Jenny na halos pataobin na ang aming lamesa sa pagwawala habang nag-kuwento.

Kakatapos lang ng 5pm class ko at nag-aya nanaman ang babaita sa kung saan. Buti na lang ay dito niya kami dinala ni Alex sa isang sikat na fast food chain sa mall, malapit lang rin sa university.

Nangunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya.

Huh? Nakatayo sa likod namin ang mga lalaki. Bulky? Oms?

Did she refer to those Men like black?

“Huh?”

“Yung mga lalaking sobrang bombahin ang laki ng katawan tapos mga itim na nakashade. I know you saw them kagabi. Eme ka! Ang sasarap nila like namasa agad lelebum ko!” Maarte niyang hinampas si Alex na naiiling nalang rin sa kaniya.

What?!

Bigla akong nakaramdam ng kaba. Kahit ayokong isipin pero bakit parang tama ata ang inaakala ko. Ang iniisip ko. I know I might be just dreaming or what but the moment I saw them at the club’s entrance yesternight. I already had this hunch that Seth sent them for something or…

Someone.

But what for? I’m sure that it will not be for me because it’s been a couple of months now since the last time we saw each other. And the last time I talked to those Men of him. He never sent anyone or even Kuya Jan for me. Hindi na rin siya nagpapadala ng pagkain. He just disappeared completely like a bubble suddenly popped in thin air.

“H-Hindi ko maalala. Totoo ba?”

“Oo, Ate. Palibhasa sobrang engga ka na kagabi kaya ‘di mo na maalala.”

“Wait? You went to a club?” Si Alex na natatawang sumingit.

“Yes, babe.” Sagot ni Jenny habang malanding hinaplos ang bicep ni Alex bago ito kumindat.

“With Riz?”

Tumingin ako kay Jenny bago kay Alex.

“Oo.”

“Wow! Who made you go there? Sa buong panahon na magkasama tayo hindi ka pa nagawi sa gano’ng lugar.”

Alex brushed her hair up and looked at me in a manly way. There’s a playful smile plastered on her lips.

“Bakit? Hindi ba puwede mag-club ang isang disney princess?”

“Hindi ka disney princess, Jenny. Isa kang step mom na witch.” Natatawa siya kumuha ng fries at kumain.

“Ambisyosa!” si Jenny na natatawa at pinaghahampas si Alex na siya naman hinahayaan ang aming kaibigan.

Alex and Jenny have been close since the moment I introduced her to him. Alex is a gentle and open man so he became her friend that quickly. I expected it to happen tho but I never thought that they would become this close like they’re already been friends for how many years.

Seeing them teasing each other like a kid was just like a ray of morning sun. It is such a good eyesight, a warm hands hugging my heart. I’d never imagine having a friend other than him and being someone who has the same gender preference as mine.

Hinuhugas ko ang aking kamay sa sink dito sa girl’s restroom ng biglang pumasok ang dalawang babae. At first, I didn’t mind them or whatever their topic was.

“Gosh! Sobrang pogi talaga ng Mayor na ‘to. Sayang lang at mukhang matatali na siya.” Kinikilig na ani nung babae.

I saw them eyeing me before continuing what they were talking about.

“Oo nga. Ang guwapo tapos ang laki ng katawan at mayaman pa. Heto pa! Matalino pa at mabait. Sobrang swerte nung babaeng kasama niya kahapon. ‘Yon ata ang mapapangasawa niya.”

Huh? Mapapangasawa? Ikakasal na siya?

Ang akala ko ba ay ayaw niya sa inaalok na kasal sa kaniya ng kaniyang Nanay. I thought he would never agree to that marriage as he wants to marry someone he loves.

My heart sank like it was a ship that dripped down to the ocean.

“Oo ata. Maganda rin naman ‘yong babae pero parang maltida at masungit.”

Tumikhim ako kaya napatingin sila sakin. They cleared their throat before going out of the restroom.

It’s been 5 months now and still, I have these feelings for him. How is this possible? We never have a thing, we never discussed and cleared out what’s between us. What was our relationship?

But why? My heart keeps on beating in a sad beat. Ang sakit at tila ako nabigo sa buhay kahit pa wala naman naging kami. Ganito na ba ako naattach sa kaniya? Madali at parang ang babaw niya lang nakuha at napahulog ang loob ko sa kaniya. I didn’t say anything about this to him. Hindi rin ako nagbigay ng motibo na gusto ko siya. Pero bakit parang mas nahulog ako sa sarili kong kagagawan at ngayon na nabalitaan kong may kasama siyang ibang babae at baka magpakasal na sila ay tila sinaksak ako ng sobrang talim na kutsilyo sa dibdib.

Why?

Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

“For those students who applied for educational assistance, the office of the Mayor just announced that they will release the new batch today and if your name is on the list you can claim the cash today. Keep yourself updated. That’s it for today.”

Hindi na naalis pa sa isipan ko ang narinig ko mula sa dalawang babaeng ‘yon. He said to me that he would never go through that wedding. He is against the idea of arranged marriage. Where did that gossip come from?

That thought lingers in my mind for the whole damn day. Kahit na nasa shift ako ay talagang hindi naaalis sa aking isipan ang mga ‘yon. It was like a clip of a scene in a movie that was on repeat, and because of it, I made some mistakes taking the order of our customer. Buti na lamang ay nakapag palusot ako sa manager namin na si Cleo kaya naman hindi ako napagalitan. Iyon nga lang ay nakipagpalitan muna ako sa katrabaho ko.

“Riz, are you okay? Kanina ko pa napapansin na tulala ka? Is there something wrong?” Tanong sakin ni Cleo ng pumasok siya rito sa likod. Busy ako sa pagcheck ng mga order. Bahagya pa akong napatalon sa biglaan niyang pag sulot.

I shot him a glance. “Yes, sir. I’m fine. Medyo pagod lang at siguro dahil kulang sa tulog.” I excused.

He bore his eyes at me like he was invading my mind to know if I was telling the truth. Tumango rin naman siya kalaunan at chineck na rin ang mga kasamahan ko sa loob.

“Riz, table 8. Ice americano and one slice of blueberry cheesecake.” Si Adonis.

“Copy,”

Kinuha ko na ang order at dali-dali rin naman na lumabas. Paglabas ko galing sa kitchen ay sumalubong sa akin ang dami ng tao. Hindi naman naging bago ito pero nabigla pa rin ako. Maybe because I was too occupied with the thoughts of him getting married. I know I don’t have any say on it but as someone who has this feeling for him, I can’t help but to mind it.

“Good afternoon, Sir. Sorry to keep you waiting, here’s your order. Enjoy.” Ani ko sa customer.

I didn’t dare to look at him. I keep my eyes on the tray until I completely put his order. Nakatuon lang sa ibaba ang tingin ko matapos ko mailapag ang order niya sa table. When I was about to turn my back and go back to the kitchen, he spoke.

“Why you didn’t look at me, Riz? Sad na ako nito.” a familiar voice said.

Nang nilingon ko siya, ganun na lamang ang panlalaki ng aking mata nang sumalubong ang nangingiti at nakapangalumbabang mukha ni Sylas.

He was wearing a khaki polo shirt. May silver watch sa kaniyang kaliwang kamay. His hair was brushed neatly. Guwapong guwapo siya.

“S-Sir?!”

“Ouch! I told you my name the last time you took my order. Nakalimutan mo agad?” He stretched his lips downward and acted like a sad kid.

Natawa naman ako.

“Hindi naman, Sir. May iniisip lang ho, pasensya.”

His eyebrow arched. Tinginan niya ako na parang isa akong nakakamanghang nilalang.

“And what bothers you?” he asked. He rested his chin on his right hand.

Now that I have a chance to scan him. I must say that he was indeed the Mayor’s brother. From his eyes the same as him, to his pointed nose, down to his well-built jaw. Ang pinagkaiba lang nila ang hugis ng labi. Medyo makapal ng kaunti ang sa kay Sylas.

Sa laki rin ng katawan, may hubog at kalakihan rin ang sakaniya, matangkad siya na pag ikukumpara ko kay Mayor ay parang magkasing parehas lang sila.

“Uh… Wala po. Sa buhay buhay lang. Ah… Sige po una napo ako at marami pang gawain, enjoy your order, Sir.” Pagpapaalam ko.

He smiled at me sweetly. When I was about to walk back ay nagsalita nanaman siya.

“Don’t believe in whatever rumors you heard about my brother, he was just busy and… Well, good luck with your shift.” He shrugged after he said it. He then grabbed his Iced Americano.

Ngumiti lang ako ulit sakaniya at dumiretso na pabalik sa loob. I tried to busied myself with work as we have a lot of customers but Sylas just added the clouds of thought in my mind about him. The way he said those words with assurance makes me think that he knew what bothered me, what was on my mind. The way he looked at me with anticipation. And the way his words soothed the storm that was forming inside my mind.

What does he mean by that? Na h’wag akong maniniwala sa mga maririnig ko. O baka naman sa mga narinig ko na. Am I too obvious? Or do I look like an open book that was easy to read? That’s why he said that.

He said that his brother was just busy. Busy with what? With his duty as the Mayor of this town? I think not. His duty to his people, to this town, is a common thing. Kung nab-busy siya sa trabaho niya then it’s fine and there’s no problem with it. Pero ang mga naririnig ko tungkol sa kaniya ay isang bagay na nakakapagpalalim pa lalo ng aking iniisip.

And why do I sound like a girlfriend ranting about his boyfriend? Gosh! Ang lala mo na Riz!

I always heard of him from my block mates or even from the people in public whispering about his doing, his get-go, and such. They always saw him hanging out with whoever that lady was. They already thought that lady was his girl or maybe…

His future wife.

Nang makauwi ako at nagbukas ng phone, sumalubong sa aking ang chat ni Ramon tungkol sa kalagayan ni Nanay, he even update me from what’s happening in their lives. He also asked for money for Nanay’s medicine.

The next day, I quickly sent the money to my family for their needs. Malaki laki ang nakuha ko at may quota rin dahil sa pagbebenta ng bago naming labas na cake. Iyon nga lang kailngan ko na rin na dagdagan ang aking pinagkukunan ng pera dahil sa maintenance na gamot ni Nanay para sa kaniyang cancer.

When she was discharged, the doctor advised him to reduce eating salty and fatty foods as it has a big impact on her body. The doctor added that she needed to undergo the test to monitor and check the cancer cells in her body.

Before my shift, my mother called me. And my heart sank when her face welcomed me. Nangangayayat na siya, ang dating malusog at maganda niyang pangangatawan ngayon ay wala na. Her body is deteriorating. At kahit anong ngiti niya sa akin at pagpapakampante ng aking kalooban, hindi naman naitatago ng kaniyang mata ang lungkot na totoo niyang nararamdaman.

My heart was torn into pieces. The mother who raised me, sheltered me, molded and built me to become a better and kind person were now suffering from a disease that nobody wishes to get.

Buong oras ng shift ko ay ang mukha ni Nanay ang palagi kong naalala. Ang nanlulubog niyang mga mata, ang pangangayayat ng kaniyang mukha, ang dating malulusog na ngiti ay napalitan ng pilit at pagpapanggap na mga ngiti.

Nang hindi ko na nga kinaya ay pasikreto nalang akong umiyak sa staff room. I locked the door and cried my heart out. It hurts seeing your mother suffer from that disease and what hurts me most is that I can’t do much for her healing. Hindi ko makayanan na mabigay ang pangangailangan niya para sa madaliang gamotan. I don’t have the money to do all those tests.

And I know that she can’t take it anymore if we push through the chemotherapy. Nagpaalam na rin ako kay Cleo na magh-half day ako. Tinanong niya pa ako kung ano ang dahilan ngunit ang sinabi ko na lang ay may importante akong kailangan ayusin. Pumayag naman rin siya.

After my shift I didn’t go straight home, instead, I roamed around and find another side hustle na pwedeng maidagdag sa perang kailangan namin pra sa gamutan ni Nanay.

May mga nahanap naman akong mga hiring at na-interview na rin agad ako halos lahat sila ay sinabihan akong tatawagan na lang nila para sabihin ang resulta.

“Girl! Your name is on the list, I saw it. May anda ka na pang ane natin.” Si Jenny na masayang binalita na kasama ako sa mga nakapasok at makakatanggap ng educational assistance mula kay Mayor.

Hindi ko pinansin ang kaniyang sinabi at tinutok ko lang ang aking atensyon sa ginagawa. I reviewing some of our lessons just in case we have our closing examination. It will be our last month for this school year and after this, I’ll be a second-year college. I still have a long way to go before I graduate but being able to finish a school-year is considered a small win.

Tinapik na ang balikat ko. “Girl! Ano? Aral na aral na lang. Nagk-kwento ako, oh. Maawa ka naman sa’kin.” pagdadrama niya.

I shift my gaze to her. “Sorry, Ate. Gusto ko lang maging handa, baka kasi biglang mag pa exam ang isa sa mga prof na’tin.”

Tinaasan niya lang ako ng kilay at mataman akong tiningnan. Ilang minuto niya akong tiningnan sa gano’ng ekspresyon bago tumawa.

“Gaga! Okay lang. Ine-eme lang kita. Pero ate kunin mo na agad ‘yong andam mo, sayang rin ‘yon. Makakatulong rin ‘yon sa pagpapagaling ni Tita.” Aniya.

She shifted her body, facing the cemented table before snatching her pocket mirror out of her bag.

Nandito kami ngayon sa park malapit lang rin sa university, inaya niya ako na dito nalang muna dahil aniya ay may klase siya isang oras mula ngayon. We’re not sharing the same schedule kaya may araw talaga na ganito ang siste naming dalawa.

“Saan nga ulit kukunin?”

“Sa office of the Mayor raw.”

Wala sa isang minuto akong napabaling sa kaniya.

“H-Huh? Totoo ba? Bakit doon pa?” Gulat at sunod sunod kong tanong.

Bakit kailangan na sa opisina na niya pa iyon kukunin. P’wede naman na sa ibang office na lang, kahit sa mga taohan niya pa. Hindi naman siguro mawawala ‘yong mga pera. Ganun na ba siya ka kin pagdating sa mga bagay kaya kahit ang pagbibigay ng ayuda ay sa opisina niya pa rin.

The interview happened in his office, heto rin ba?

My heart thuds loud. Tila lalabas sa dibdib ko ang aking puso sa lakas ng pintig nito. May kiliti rin akong naramdaman sa aking tyan.

I don’t know what would be my reaction if we saw each other again after what happened. I don’t know if he was ready to see me after knowing my real gender. That I’m a trans.

I know I shouldn’t expect too much from him, on what would be his reaction. Hindi ko na rin dapat pa nararamdaman ang pagkasabik dahil sa ideyang nabubuo sa aking isipan. I thought that my feelings would fade after a month or three. Masyado ko atang minaliit ang kapangyarihan ng isang damdamin.

Makalipas ang ilang buwan ay tila walang nagbago sa akin. Mas lalo pa yata ako nasabik at nangulila sa kaniya. Gosh! Sounds so cringe! Hindi ako ‘to!

I heaved a sighed.

Nasa harap na ako ng munisipyo ng bayan na’to. Sa may pintuan palang ay may mga nakapila ng ibang mga estudyante, some of them are from different universities based on the logo that was on the uniform their wearing.

Naglakad na ako papasok. Nagtanong nalang rin ako sa mga tao ro’n kung saan ang pila para sa mga estudyante galing sa university namin. Napag alaman ko kasi na may iba’t ibang pila para sa iba’t ibang paaralan. Nang nasa pasilyo nako ay nakita ko ang mga ka block mates ko. They are waiting in line, sitting on a block chair.

I scanned the area before walking towards the end of the line. Habang nakapila ay sinubukan ko makipagusap sa mga ka block mates ko. Even though we were not that close enough, still we talked.

Bumagsak ang aking balikat nang malaman na wala si Mayor, ang sabi ng ka block mate kong si Aidan ay nasa labas raw at may pinuntahan kanina, kasa-kasama raw ang mga bodyguards niya at ang isang babaeng maganda.

“Hindi raw si Mayor ang magbibigay ng ayuda natin, Riz. Ang assistant niya lang daw.” Aniya.

Kumunot ang noo ko sa kaniyang sinabi. “Huh? E, bakit raw sa opisina niya pa kukunin kung gano’n?” Saad ko.

E, bakit parang dismayado ka naman masyado Riz?

Hindi mo pa aminin na gusto mo siyang makita, na na-miss mo ang kaniyang presensya.

“Kanina kasi pagpunta namin dito saktong palabas pa lang si Mayor. Tumagal pa nga siya dito ng ilang minuto na parang may hinihintay, iyon pala ay yung babaeng maganda at ang mga bodyguard niya. Sinusuri kasi ni Mayor ang mga nakapila na tila may hinahanap. Akal ko naman kung ano, mukha wala lang pala.” Paliwanag niya.

“Ah, gano’n ba?” bagsak-balikat kong sagot.

Totoo nga siguro na may bago na siyang kinababaliwan. Na kaya siya biglang hindi nagparamdam ay hindi dahil sa kaniyang nalaman kundi sa may bago na siyang pagkakabaliwan.

May kung anong kirot ang namuo sa aking puso.

Ano naman ngayon, Riz? E, wala naman kayo. At wag kang magsalita na parang may pananagutan na suya ngayon, tandaan mo hindi ka umamin!

Hindi ko lang maiwasan na masaktan kahit pa wala naman talagang namagitan sa amin. Ganito naman siguro talaga diba? Na pag nagustuhan mo na yung tao tapos biglang nawala ta’s malalaman mo ay iba na, makakaramdam ka ng kirot at pagkadismaya.

Lumipas ang mga oras at isa-isa ng nakakakuha ng mga ayuda ang mga kasabayan ko, medyo mahaba-haba na rin ang pila kaya medyo natagalan rin. Nasa bandang dulo pa ako kaya baka maabotan ako ng cut off.

Mag alas-singko ng biglang lumabas ang assistant ni Mayor galing sa opisina niya, inanunsyo niya na putol na ang pila at bumalik nalang bukas upang kumuha ang ibang natira. Bagsak ang bilakat kong tinanggap at inaayos ang aking mga gamit.

Pangatlo pa naman na ako sa pila naabotan pa ng cut off, kay malas nga naman.

Maraming mga kasabay ko ang dumaing, may iilan naman na tinaggap nalang at umalis na agad habang ako ay napagdisesyonan kong umupo muna ro’n ng ilang minuto bago umuwi.

Kung sakaling makuha ko ang pera na ‘yon. Tama si Jenny, magiging malaki ang tulong no’n sa pagpapagamot ni Nanay. Pero kailangan ko pa rin ng extrang income para kahit papaano ay may makukunan ako ng pangkain ko para sa sarili.

Nang lumipas ang ilang minuto ay nagdesisyon na akong umalis. Tatayo na sana ako ng biglang may lalaking naka itim na suit ang lumapit sa akin.

“Ma’am, kayo ho ba si Miss Borja?” Tanong nito sa akin.

“Ho? Opo. Bakit po?”

“Pinauutos po ni Mayor na ipasundo ho kayo.”

Huh?

Kumabog ang dibdib ko sa kaniyang sinabi. Ano raw? Pinapasundo ako? Para saan?

“Para saan po?”

“Wala pong sinabi, Miss. Ang utos lang ay sunduin po kayo rito.”

Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14

Sumunod na lang rin ako sa lalaking alam kong isa sa Men in Black ni Mayor. He guided me to the municipal hall’s parking lot and instructed me to hop in on a black car.

Nasa likod ako umupo dahil ang sabi nung bodyguard ay baka raw mawalan siya ng trabaho pag sa harap ako umupo. Hindi na ako umalma dahil bukod sa hindi ko siya maintindihan at wala na rin ako sa mood pang magtatanong-tanong.

Mabilis rin naman umalis ang sasakyan. The travel took us almost three hours, sa byahe pa lng ay kinakabahan na ako dahil alam kong palabas kami ng San Fuego. I badly want to ask the bodyguard where he was ordered to take me. The route was unfamiliar to me.

Gusto kong sumigaw na lang bigla sa loob kaso baka mamaya ay nag oover react lang ako. Kaya sa huli napili ko na lang na tumahimik at pagmasdan ang daan.

The car was parked in a tower here in Taguig. Nagtagal kami ng bodyguard sa loob ng sasakyan ng ilang minuto. But when I saw the two bodyguards waiting for us at the entrance. Doon na ako bumaba. There he was standing manly, si Kuya Jan.

I immediately run to him. Kahit naka shades sila ng itim ay alam ko na nasa akin ang kaniyang tingin. Nasa akin nga ba o feelingera lang ako?

I smiled.

“Hi! Kuya.” I greeted.

His head shifted a bit. At that moment I knew he was indeed looking at me. He then gave me a reserved smile.

“Hi, Ma’am. Naghihintay na po sa inyo si Mayor sa taas.” Aniya.

“Para saan?”

“Hindi ko po alam, Ma’am. Maaari pong sumunod na lang po kayo sa amin.” He moved his body to the side and gestured his hand to the entrance signaling me to walk in.

I sighed. Bakit ba niya ako pinasundo?

Simula sa parking lot hanggang sa loob ng elevator iniisip ko kung ano ang mangyayari. Kinakabahan rin ako. Yung kaba na hindi dahil sa takot kundi dahil sa pagkasabik. Pagkasabik na makita siyang muli.

Since that day, I knew that everything will be changed. I knew that he eventually pulled himself back from me. At naiintindihan ko naman. Pero ang hindi ko maunawaan ay kung bakit niya ako pinasundo at dinala dito sa condo unit na ‘to.

Hindi sa nag iinarte ako or what but I just can’t understand what’s with all of this. We never talk, hang out ans see each other since then. I kinda miss him, yes, but I am not the type of trans to get desperate just because there’s this… Opportunity.

I respect everybody’s safe zone, a comfortable place. Kasi naniniwala ako sa sarili ko na kung gusto kong makuha ‘yon mula sa iba ay dapat marunong rin akong magbigay.

Baka naman kasi tungkol lang sa allowance o ayuda kaya ka pinasundo at nandito ngayon?

Pwede? Maaari rin. Pero hindi ba na pwede niya na lang ipaabot o ipahatid iyon sa mga Men in Black niya.

Those questions clouded my mind until we stopped in front of a unit door, there’s a number 30.

Kuya Jan knocked twice. “Mayor, andito na po si Ma’am Riz.”

“Come in,”

A moment of silence before we heard his deep and baritone voice but it was not just that, there was a longing, tiredness, and something in his voice that I couldn’t figure out. The door opened and we went in. Sumalubong sa akin ang malaki at isa mamahaling unit. Pagpasok mo ay bubungad sayo ang isang malaking espasyo, in the right corner there’s the big like-cabinet where the shoes are well placed. When I walk through the hall, it leads me to the fully furnished salas of the unit. Sa kinatatayuan ko ay kitang kita mo ang hagdaan na alam ko ay patungo sa mga kuwarto sa second floor, the stairs are made from a fined glass.

I stared for a moment, scanning and familiarizing myself with the place I was in. At bakit mo pinapamilyar ang iyong sarili? Ha?

“Ehem,”

Napapitlag ako nang may biglang tumikhim sa aking gilid. There’s the man I haven’t seen for how many months, the man that my heart keeps on beating. Seth was side-leaning on the wall, his arms crossed on his chest. He was wearing a sky-blue polo shirt and black slacks. Naka tupi ang sleeve nito hanggang siko niya.

My heart hammered. I even put my right hand on my chest to feel it. It is hard that it hurts.

He tilted his head. His eyes went to my hand that was on my chest before shifting it back to my face.

He smirked. “What are you doing? Hmm.” He said. The emotions that I heard earlier were no longer there.

I shook my head. Sinubukan kong ibuka ang bibig ko at magsalita pero para akong pinutulan ng karapatan na magsalita dahil sa aking nararamdaman.

Dumoble ang aking nararamdaman nang inayos niya ang kaniyang katawan at tumayo ng diretso. He put his hands inside his pocket before scanning the whole of me as if he could read me like an open book, a novel.

“Uh,”

His brow arched, there was an amusement in his eyes.

Fuck! I never thought that this Man right here would have a great impact on me, that his mere presence would be sooner an effect to my deepest heart.

“Did you like the unit?” He asked.

He looked at where he caught me looking earlier as if it was his first time checking the whole unit. Binalik niya rin sakin ang tingin niya. Nakatayo lang ako ro’n na tila baliw, nakatingin at nakatitig sa lalaking ilang buwan ko rin hinanap ang presensya.

I know that my feelings are not just mere, shallow, feelings that were only for experience. It is for something deeper, something more.

“Why are you staring at me? Did I just make you stunned there and fantasize about the view?”

“I-I’m sorry, Mayor. Uh…”

“Kidding.”

Napasinghap ako ng naglakad siya papunta sa kinatatayuan ko, sa akin. The moment he stepped his feet alternately awoke the wild animals in my stomach. Para akong kinikiliti na hindi ko maintindihan.

“Now,” He was now standing in front of me, looking at me like he was the king and I was just a mere servant of him.

“Who is that man? Is that your new boyfriend?”

Huh?

Ano?

Boyfriend?

Kumunot ang noo ko sa kaniyang sinabi. Boyfriend? Sinong tinutukoy niya? Ni hindi na nga ako nagpapaligaw at sa totoo lang dahil sa nangyari ay sinasabi ko na sa mga lalaking nagtatangka na manligaw sa akin na hindi ako natural born woman, na isa akong trans. For them to know what they are planning to pursue.

Not that it was my obligation to remind them about my gender identity, which clearly it’s not.

“B-Boyfriend?” Kunot noo kong tanong sa kaniya.

He smirked at me, and slowly his hand found its way to my waist. He held me like I was his valuable possession. “Uh-ah. That man beside you earlier, the one you’re talking to.” He elaborates. He crouched a bit, he rested his forehead with mine.

Sobrang lapit na ng mukha naming dalwa, sa sobrang lapit namin dalawa ay naduduling na ako. I could feel his breath brushing on my skin, the minty smell of him. At pati ang kaniyang pabango na tila hindi nawawala sa sobrang mahal.

Sobra sobra na ang kalabog ng aking dibdib, hindi na rin ako mapakali. Na kung hindi niya pa ako nahahawakan ay magkikisay-kisay na ako dito na parang isang uod na binudboran ng asin.

“You’re shaking?”

I swallowed. Shit! Bakit ba ganito ang epekto niya sa akin? Na kapag isang tao ang gumawa sa akin ay baka agad agad ko nang masakapak.

“M-Mayor,”

“Seth. You call me by my name, Wife.” He announced. He then tilts his head, aiming for a kiss.

At that moment, I could feel my heart going wild ten times more than what was currently happening. Ramdam ko rin ang pag-iinit ng aking tyan na para bang abang na abang sa mangyayari.

When his lips land on mine, the walls of pretending, in denial, and holding back are crumbled all at the same time. Like I am willing to take the risk and free my feelings from its cage and cause chaos. To bloom like a flower under the warmth of the sun.

This is the unexpected thing that happened in my entire life, the emotions and feelings that I felt with just his presence, with his actions, with his…

Emotion.

Dilat ang mata ko at namimilog ko siyang pinanood na bawiin ang kaniyang sarili. He looked at me with his dreamy eyes. My eyes slowly look at his wet and reddish lips. Ang… lambot.

Ang lambot lambot nun, at bitin.

I feel myself wanting for more, for a longer kiss. Na parang iritang irita ako dahil ang bilis lang ng halik na ‘yon.

“Who’s that, Wife? Tell me did you already find someone and replace me?” He asked.

He licked his lip. Mabilis na dumaan ang lungkot sa kaniyang mata at mabilis rin na naglaho. I could feel the heat from his body.

Gosh! Bakit biglang uminit?

Ang init init bigla na parang gusto kong maligo at magbabad. Pero ang init na nararamdaman ko ay hindi karaniwang init tuwing tanghali, nakakakalma ito. Na para bang ligtas ako sa pinaparamdam ng init.

Umiling ako. Ngumiti siya.

“Hmmm,”

“W-Wala akong…”

“Wala kang?”

“W-Wala akong boyfriend, hindi ko iyon boyfriend,” I said, kahit hindi ko na alam kung sino ba ang kaniyang tinutukoy. All I could think right now was to answer and say anything.

Namula ang kaniyang tenga, mas lumawak ang ngiti niya.

Yumukos ulit siya at pinatakan ng halik ang aking labi, sobrang bilis at sobrang bagal. Gusto kong umangal pero ayokong isipin niya na masyado akong nasasabik sa labi niya.

“Really?”

Tumango ako. Tinitingnan ko ang napakaguwapo niyang mukha gamit ang namumungay at nalalasing kong mga mata.

Ngayon ko lang nakita at napagmasdan ng malapitan ang kaniyang mukha and from it, I could finally compare his face to his brother, Sylas.

They have that much resemblance but his features are more hard and clear, and just like what I described him before, it was like god really took all the time from the world just to mold and make him this handsome. He can be on top of the ranking and beat the Greek gods from the face-check challenge.

Ano ‘to? Millennials? Gen Z?

Gosh! Sobrang pogi! I never admired and praised someone before not until now. I could stay here and stare at his face all day. Hinding hindi ako magsasawa at baka makulangan pa.

“Good,” He then snaked his two arms around my waist and pulled me closer, closing the small distance between us.

Niyakap niya ako at mabilis niyang binaon ang kaniyang mukha sa aking leeg. I can feel him smelling my skin as his breath touches the bare skin.

“God! I missed you,” He murmured.

Hindi ako gumalaw o umangal man lang bagkos ay nilagay ko ang aking kamay sa kaniyang beywang. Ramdam ko ang katigasan ng kaniyang katawan, ang hubog ng kaniyang muscle. From the thick fabric of his polo, I was able to feel his build.

I let him hug me. It was like something was telling me that he had a heavy bag on his shoulder, a problem that caused him stress.

Isa pa, na miss ko rin siya. Ang presensya niya at hindi ko inaakala na ganito ang magiging reaksyon niya. I thought he would act like we were nothing but a stranger. I thought he would give me a cold shoulder, he would show me how he hates me. But I was wrong, instead here he was, hugging me like a kid. Sniffing my neck while his two big veint hands wrapped around my small body.

Hindi mahigpit ang yakap niya. Marahan at may pag iingat niya akong niyakap. His big body was towering over me, covering me like a warm jacket that he was. Sobrang kulong na kulong ako sa katawan niya.

“OMG ka, Ate. Tapos? Tapos? Nagkantutan kayo?” Hindi mapakaling tanong ni Jenny.

Vacant namin ngayon at kasalukuyan kaming nakatambay dito sa fastfood na palagi namin kinakain. Kakatapos lang rin namin kumain at nakwento ko sa kaniya ang nangyari noong nakaraang araw.

“Gaga! Walang ganun na nangyare, pagkatapos niya akong yakapin inaya niya lang akong kumain. Marunong pala siya magluto.”

“We? Kahit chupa wala, Ate?” Tila dismayado niyang tanong.

Umiling ako.

“Wala, pagkatapos namin kumain, binigay niya sakin ‘tong card niya. E, hindi ko nga alam gamitin ‘to.” Nilabas ko ang kulay itim na card na binigay ni Seth.

Pagkatapos kasi namin magyakap sa salas ng unit niya ay inimbitahan niya ako sa kusina niya kung saan may nakahain na ng iba’t ibang putahe. Marami pa siyang sinabi sa akin at nagkwento sa mga ginawa niya. Gustong gusto ko nga na tanungin siya tungkol sa mga sabi sabi na ikakasal na siya pero hindi ko magawa.

I don’t know but there’s something in me that stopping me from doing it. Kaya ang ending ay nakinig na lang ako sa kaniya. Gusto pa nga niya na do’n ako matulog katabi jiya ngunit tumanggi na ako, hindi namans siguro tama na do’n ako matulog tapos katabi ko pa siya. Isa pa ay may apartment akong dapat uwian.

“Gosh! Black Card? Rich rich naman talaga ang boyfriend mo ‘no? Tingnan mo naman binigay sayo ang no limit card niya na parang isang barya. Hala sige! Tara na’t mag mall at ililibre mo ko ng designer bag.”

“H’wag. Ayoko, hindi ko ‘to pwedeng basta bastang gamitin. Hindi ko rin kasi alam kung paano.”

“Damot. Libre lang e. Sure naman akong barya lang yan sa Mayor mong bowa.”

Mabilis akong napatingin sa paligid matapos niyang sabihin ‘yon. Medyo napalakas na rin kasi ang kaniyang boses. Baka mamaya ay makarinig at maging usapin nanamano kaya baka isipin na nag-aabisyon kami.

We don’t yet clear what’s the status or what we have right now. Ayoko at hindi ko rin naman kaya na pangunahan siya sa usapin. I didn’t have any courage to hear what he would say when I asked about it.

Kakatapos ko lang maligo at kasalukuyan akong nakaupo sa harap ng may kalakihan kong salamin na nabili ko lang online. Kakatapos ko lang rin mag inject ng hormones ko.

Habang nag iiscroll ako ay napadpad ang aking screen sa isang post.

Isa itong post tungkol kay Mayor, nakatalikod siya at may kasamang babae.

“The youngest and favored Mayor of San Fuego spotted with his rumored girlfriend.”

Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

The post has an attached link that will lead you to the article. I immediately clicked it as my curiosity won the best of me. Nakakapagtaka nga lang rin na bigla akong naging kuryoso sa mga ganito because honestly, I don’t have any ounce of care for this type of thing. A gossip, news about someone, an issue, or anything related to other people’s lives. The only time that I opened an article was when it was about our government or nature, animal welfare, and such.

Nang matagumpay na nag load ang article, the headlines, and the title were the same as the post said.

“The youngest and favored Mayor of San Fuego spotted with his rumored girlfriend”

I scrolled and read the first paragraph. It was stated there that the Mayor known for being a perfectionist, a hard as stone, and a man who didn’t know the word ‘relationship’ was now spotted multiple times with a mysterious woman.

My forehead creased with the words they used to describe him. What they claim is different from the Mayor I know, from the man who follows me, watching me every damn minute. He was no cold, rather he was like a glass that is too transparent. He shows what he feels, he says what he thinks. What makes them think that Seth was like that?

The context that was in the article made me think a lot about him and, the questions that I asked myself.

Nang mapadpad ako sa mga larawan na nakapa-loob sa article, ganun na lang ang panlalaki ng aking mata sa gulat ng mga larawan namin ni Mayor nung nasa Angono kami. We were sitting on the wooden chair, the picture only shows our back. Sa pwesto namin ay maiisip talaga ng mga taong makaka kita na may relasyon kami.

I scroll down and look at the other picture attached. Mayroon pa ro’n ay nung hinatid niya ako sa hospital, his hand is well placed on my waist while guiding me inside the hospital.

The last picture was taken when he fetched me at our University.

Kumalabog ang aking dibdib dahil sa aking nakikita. The rumored girlfriend that they are referring to is me all along. Akala ko ang makikita ko sa mga picture ay ang babaeng kahalikan niya sa car park o ang babae na sinasabi nila kasama niya nung panahon na hindi siya nag papakita sa akin.

I never thought that it will be me who was in those frigging rumors about him having a girlfriend.

Girl

Friend

Girlfriend.

Namula ang aking pisngi, hinawakan ko ang aking pang-ibabang labi at marahan na hinimas. Bigla kong naalala ang paghahalikan namin sa kaniyang unit. Bakit ba ganito nalang ang epekto niya sa akin? Bakit parang ang duga?

Tyaka bakit ako ganito umasta na para akong isang uod na inasinan? Halik lang naman ‘yon diba? Sa panahon ngayon ang paghahalikan ay isang natural na bagay nalang sa mga tao, at isang bagay na wala lang sa kanila.

Hindi pa naman kami, wala pa kaming napapagusapan. Wala rin siyang sinabi na kami na ba, at ako rin. Pero tinatawag niya akong wife?

Wife…

Mas lalong namula ang aking pisngi, ramdam ko ang pag iinit ng aking mukha. Nagpagulong gulong pa ako sa kama.

Shit!

“Bakla. Anong nangyari sayo at ganiyang ang mukha mo? Problema?” Puna ni Jenny.

Umiling ako sa kaniya bago ko isulat ang mga paalala ng aming instructor. Ayon sa instructor ay bibigyan na kami ng maagang pahinga since it will be just a week before the end of the school year.

Hindi ako masyadong pinatulog ng mga iniisip ko patungkol ro’n at dahil sa kuryosidad ko ay naghanap pa ako ng mga article tungkol kay Seth.
Hindi rin naman ako nahirapan dahil isang search ko lang sa google ay bumunga na sa aking ang sandamakmak na article, nagulat pa ako dahil may mga international article na siya rin ang nilalaman, kami.

They thought I was his lowkey girlfriend, but little did they know we were just acquaintances. He is our Mayor, and I am one of his people.

Anong oras na rin ako natapos dahil tila ako tanga na hindi nagsawa sa kakabasa ng mga article. I also read the comments in every article. Marami akong nabasa na mas lalong nagpapatindi ng damdamin ko.

“Likod pa lang ng babae alam mong maganda eh.”

“The woman’s hair looks so healthy and soft, I badly want to see her and ask what’s her secret.”

“Sobrang bagay sila, hindi na ako aalma kahit crush na crush ko si Mayor.”

“Siya lang ata ang babaeng magpapagawa sa akin na magpaubaya, kahit likod pa lang nila ang nakikita bagay talaga kainis”

Those are some of the comments I read from each article. They admire me already even though the pictures were only able to show my back view, our back view.  Pero paano kung malalaman nila na ang babaeng ‘yon ay isang trans? What will be their reaction? Will it be the same or it will be the other way around?

I sighed.

“Uy! Ate, kanina pa kita kinakausap pero natulala ka na lang lahat lahat hindi mo pa ako sinasagot. Ano nga kasi ang nangyari sayo? Nag-away nanaman kayo ni Mayo—”

“Hindi, Jenny. May iniisip lang. Walang problema at walang away na nangyari. Hindi nga kami naguusap simula nung pumunta ako sa unit niya.”

“E, ano ang iniisip mo at bakit ganiyang ang fes mo?” Tanong niya, pumangalumbaba siya sa desk niya at mataman akong tiningnan.

I put the pen down and closed my binder carefully. I licked my lower lip before shifting my body to her.

“Jenny, alam mo ba yung kumakalat na rumors tungkol kay…” Natigil ako dahil sa lalaking nakita kong nakatayo sa labas ng room namin.

He was holding a flower in his right hand while the left one was waving at me. Nakangiti siya sa gawi ko.

Biglang dumagundong sa kaba ang aking dibdib. Biglang uminit ang paligid at namawis ako bigla.

Shit!  What is he doing here? Hindi ba siya aware sa mga usap-usapan tungkol sa kaniya, tapos ganito pa ang itsura niya at may dala pa talaga flower. And what’s with the clothes he wears? Wala ba siyang trabaho.

Rinig na rinig ko ang bulungan ng mga ka blockmates ko, I saw in my peripheral vision how Jenny looked at me with curiosity and she then followed where I was looking and stunned like a shit.

“O M G! Ate!” Rinig kong tili ni Jenny. Niyugyog niya ako na parang isang puno.

Nakatingin pa rin ako sa lalaki, I saw how his face changed. Nangunot ang kaniyang noo habang nakatingin sa kaibigan kong niyuyugyog pa rin ako.

I slowly unclasped Jenny’s hands from mine. Dali dali akong tumayo ngunit nagawa pa rin gumawa ng ingay ng aking upuan. Kahit na hindi ako tumingin alam ko na naagaw ng ingay galing sa upuan ang atensyon ng mga tao sa loob ng room.
Mabilis akong naglakad palabas, ramdam ko ang mabibigat na tingin ng mga tao sa akin, ang nagtatanong nilang mga mata, ang mga iniisip nila na bakit ako ang lumabas at kung siguro bakit nandito ang Mayor at may ari ng university.

“Hi! Wife—” he greeted, there’s a sweet smile on his lips.

“A-Anong ginagawa mo dito?” Tanong ko.

Umangat ang kaniyang kilay at sumilay ang panibagong ngiti sa kaniyang labi, ngunit sa pagkakataon na ito ay may halo na itong mapaglaro.

“I’m here to fetch you, I miss you and I can’t wait another minute that’s why I went here. Why?”

“W-Why? Mayor—”

“Seth. I told you to call me Seth right?”

“S-Seth. Nakikita mo ba ang mga tingin ng mga ka block mates ko kahit na ang prof ko, nahihiwagaan sila kung bakit nandito ang Mayor nila.”

“I’m on my day off, and what’s wrong with me fetching my wife? Hmmm..”

Oh god! Talaga nga atang wala siyang paki o hindi niya talaga naiintindihan ang magiging epekto nito sa akin, sa amin. Napalinga ako at nakita ko ang mga istudyante na nakadungaw sa ibang mga room. Some of them are peeking from the window, may mga nasa labas na at walang pakundangan kaming pinapanood.

“Seth! Pwede mo naman akong hintayin na lang sa parking lot.”

“But I miss you, I brought you flowers. You don’t like them?” He pouts his lip like a kid. Gosh!

Napatingin ako sa bulaklak. It was a daisy in a bouquet. Maganda ang pagkakaayos, presentableng presentable. “M-Maganda, pero kasi baka ano isipin nila sa atin—”

“Isipin ang alin?” Diretso niyang sabi.

Bumuntong hininga ako ulit. “May mga balita sayo na may kasama kang babae, marami ng mga article ang nagkalat na ikaw ang laman. Ngayon na nandito ka at pinuntahan ako mismo, kakalat nanaman ‘to at ang malala pa ay baka…”

“I know about the articles, about the rumors. And what? Who’s the girl? That’s you, I’m with my wife. What’s wrong with that?” nayayamot niyang ani.

Hindi niya talaga nag-gets. Paano na lang kung malaman na ng lahat na ako yun? And worst they will mock him, hate him just because of me. I don’t want to be the cause of him being hated by his townsmen. Gosh! I’m overthinking again! This is not me!

Naramdaman ko ang kamay niyang humawak sa akin siko, doon ko lang napansin na napatulala na pala ako dahil sa mga iniisip.

“What are you thinking? Hmmm? What’s bothering you to be sounds like you are pushing me away?” He said, his voice laced with care. He was talking to me gently so that I would not get angry.

Shit naman talaga! Dito pa siya nag ganito! Kailangan ko ng gumawa ng paraan para makaalis na dito. Hindi na ako nagiging komportable sa mga tingin na binibigay ng mga tao dito. However, I knew that after this, there would be other news or rumors about him visiting his ‘mysterious girl’ at his very own university.

“W-Wala. Wala naman akong iniisip. Wait lang magpapaalam lang ako sa prof namin. Patapos naman na rin siya.” I said. I know that what I said is impossible since it is still our class time. Kahit na malapit ng matapos ang klase ko.

Tatalikod na sana ako ng magsalita siya. “No, I’ll just wait here. You can finish the class.” Kaswal niyangs sabi.

Mariin akong napapikit. Hindi ko na alam ano uunahin ko. Ang kabahan, ang kiligin o ang matakot sa kung ano ang pwede mangyari dahil sa ginawa niya. Sobra ang kabog ng dibdib ko na hindi ko na alam kung dahil pa rin ba sa damdamin ko para sa kaniya o dahil sa kaba.

This man has no care for what would other’s think of him if they found out that he’s… Gosh! I can’t even say the word.

Pumasok ako sa room namin at sinalubong ako ng samu’t-saring makahulugan na tingin. Some of my block mates looking at me with their eyebrows are knitted, and some are looking at me with a smile on their faces. I did not bother to mind their reaction. I know this would be one of the things that will happen once the thing between us spreads.

Umupo ako sa upuan ko at sinalubong ako ng kaibigan kong tila pinusposan ang paa sa pagiging magaslaw at maingay. Hindi ko na iniintindi pa ang mga sinasabi niya at pinagpatuloy nalang ang kung ano man ang ginagawa ko bago pa dumating ang lalaki dito.

The class ended with the whole room staring and talking about the man waiting for me outside and me. I was able to hear their gossip about us and some of them were starting to make assumptions about me seducing the Mayor of this town. I even heard them talking with disgust. Wala na rin akong magagawa kung ayon ang iisipin nila, it’s their mind and I don’t have control over it. Isa pa, wala rin naman akong pakialam. Wala ro’n ang aking isip.

Mabilis akong lumabas ng room at walang niisa ang tinapunan ng tingin, kahit pa ang aking kaibigan. I know that it is rude of me to do that, nilamon na rin ako ng aking iniisip. At ayon ang kailangan kong ialis ang lalaking ito sa lugar na ‘to.

“Why are you so quiet, wife?” He asked. Pabaling baling sa akin ang kaniyang tingin.

Nandito na kami sa loob ng sasakyan niya, ang kaisipan na ayokong sumakay dito ay hindi ko na naisip pa. Dahil gustong gusto ko na makaalis kami kaagad. Ewan ko ba bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko? Why am I so scared of something?

Na parang kagabi lang ay kinikilig pa ako tapos ngayon na nandito na’t alam na ng iba kung sino ang kasama niya sa mga picture na ‘yon ay natatakot naman ako. Baka naman nag o-overthink ka lang Riz? Baka naman hindi nila gawin issue ‘yon? O baka naman bukas o sa sumunod na araw ay wala naman mangyari? Maybe I was just being an overthinker that my thoughts were clouding me, eating my senses to think gradually.

Hindi ako sumagot sa kaniya at nanatili lang akong nakatingin sa harap. Ilang sandali pa ay naramdaman ko ang pagkuha ng kamay niya sa kamay kong nasa aking kandungan. Napatingin ako do’n.

“Are you mad at me because I fetch you?” Tanong niya ulit.

I sighed. I closed my eyes before turning my head to him. “Hindi ako galit, hindi lang rin kasi maganda na pumunta ka do’n. Alam mo ang mga isip ng ibang tao at kung ano pa ang isipin nila. Hindi na rin ako magtataka kung may bago nanaman na article bukas.”

“I don’t care about them, about their minds to think about us. And so what if someone makes another article about me fetching you? Tao lang rin ako sinusundo ang taong mahal ko.” Ani niya bago dalhin sa kaniyang labi ang magkasiklop naming kamay. Sa paraan ng pagsasabi niya no’n ay ramdam ko talagang seryoso siya at sinsero na wala siyang katakot takot sa kung ano ang iisipin ng iba.

Samantalang ako? Halos mabaliw na ata ako sa mga iniisip ko. Ano nga ba kasi ang iniisip ko? Am I just thinking about the possible outcome or am I scared of him being judged by his men for… Loving me… A trans.

“S-Seth.” Tawag ko sa kaniya.

“Yes, wife.”

“Ano ba tayo?”

Napabaling ang mukha niya sa akin. In his eyes, I see different emotions flickering, shimmering like the stars above the sky. I can’t even name them one by one.

Hinalikan niya ulit ang kamay ko. Tutok na tutok ang kaniyang tining sa akin. Huminga ako ng malalim upang pakalmahin ang dibdib na kanina pa nagwawala. Hindi na talaga ako magtataka kung aatakehin ako sa puso nito.

“I’ll ask you that, what’s our status?”

Huh? Ako nagtanong, ako rin ang tatanongin.

“Because if you ask me about our relationship I’ll answer you with one thing.”

Tumingin ako sa kaniya ng mataman. Hindi ko magawang sumagot. Hindi ko kayang magsalita.

“We’re already married.”

Luh?

Chapter 16

CHAPTER 16

Status

I never imagined that someone would find the courage to utter that word to me. Growing up, I carried the heavy belief that no man would ever be capable of loving someone like me—a transgender woman, a soul born in a male body but blossomed into a woman in spirit and mind. My journey has been shaped by fate and destiny, painting me as a woman in every sense, yet I often felt like a shadow, longing for acceptance and love.

I have never encountered someone like him—someone who has pushed me to this stage where I feel everything the way everyone else does when they are in love even though there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to believe in everything that is happening, in every word that escapes his lips. Because every time he speaks—every time he tells me how he feels about me, how I catch his eyes, his heart, his mind—a voice inside me whispers that it’s all just a game. He’s only trying to lure me into his trap, to make me fall in love with him, to drive me crazy over him, and once he succeeds, he will eventually leave me broken and hurt.

Who wouldn’t think that a man as successful, handsome, and almost perfect as him would like someone who has nothing but her heart—no wealth, no achievements, no remarkable family background, and just a mere orphan like me?

I feel my heart race inside my chest. The way he uttered those words with assurance and sincerity has always left me breathless. I couldn’t think straight as I stared into his eyes.

“M-Married?!” Medyo gulantang kong tanong.

Ano?! Married na agad? E, hindi nga naging kami. Ni hindi niya man lang ako niligawan tapos kasal na agad kami? Baliw ba siya? Hindi sa pagpapakipot pero ‘di ba pwedeng ligawan niya muna ako. Papayag naman ako lalo’t gusto ko na rin siya.

Ngumisi siya sa akin bago ibaling ang tingin sa harap bago magpatuloy sa pagmamaneho.

Because of our conversation, it slipped away in my mind that we were still in the middle of the road. Masyado ata akong nalunod sa mga sinabi niya at ang mga bagay na gumugulo sa isip ko kaya hindi ko na namalayan na nasa byahe pa rin kami.

I looked at the road we were taking. I just noticed that we’re heading out of town. Napalingon ako bigla sa likod and as I expected, there was a car tailing us. His guards… The Men in Black.

“Why does it sound like you didn’t like what I said? Am I too fast, Wife?” He then asked. Bumaling siya sa akin nang isang mabilis lang bago bumalik sa harapan.

Our hands are still holding, it was like a requirement for him to be able to drive the car. It was like his source of energy.

Muling bumaling ang tingin ko sa kaniya. His eyes, which were too focused on the front, his thick eyebrows, furrowed as if something had happened that he didn’t like. His pointed, sharp nose and his reddish lips. Sobrang guwapo, walang kapintasan at kahit titigan mo nang buong magdamag ay hindi ka magsasawa, baka makulangan pa. This adds to the doubts and what-ifs that were clouding my mind.

“W-Wala ah. Ang sakin lang kasi masiyado kang mabilis sa kasal, tyaka hindi rin tayo pwedeng maikasal ‘no!”

Marahas niyang na ibaling ang kaniyang tingin sa akin. Gusto na gusot ang kaniyang noo. Tila may isa akong bagay na nasabi na sinusumpa niyang marinig.

“And why did you say that? Hmmm…”

“Hindi pa legal ang kasal sa mga katulad ko ‘no. Tyaka bakit ba nasa usapang kasal tayo? Ang tinatanong ko ay kung ano tayo!” asik ko. Lumambot ang expression ng kaniyang mukha.

He barked a laughed. Kita ko ang pagyugyog ng kaniyang balikat. His white teeth showed from his lips.

“My bad, Wife… What are we then?”

“Bakit ba ako tinatanong mo? Hindi ko rin alam! Nanligaw kaba para sabihin kong magjowa na tayo?”

He glanced at me again, there was a shining amusement in his eyes.

“Jowa?”

“Oo, magjowa. Mag girlfriend at boyfriend.”

He bit his lip, stopping a smile stifle in his face.

Nakatingin lang ako sa kaniya, bahagya na rin nakagilid ang aking katawan paharap sa kaniya. I waited for his answer, it was like vitamins that I needed to make my body healthy. Kailangan ko nga malaman, makuha ang kaniyang sagot.

Nangunot ang aking noo nang lumipas na ang ilang minuto ngunit hindi pa rin siya sumasagot. Nangingiti siya habang nagmamaneho, namuma rin ang kaniyang tenga. Aba! Ano? Tawa tawa na lang? Mukha atang pinagtitripan ako nitong lalaking ‘to.

Simangot at nakanguso akong humarap sa aming dinadaanan. Kakaibang inis ang aking nararamdaman. He didn’t answer me back, he was just looking at our front and busied himself on driving. Gosh! This man is toying with me!

A moment passed and still, he didn’t utter any words. I saw from my peripheral vision his glances. Nandoon pa rin ang ngiti sa kaniyang bibig. Inaasar ata ako nito e o baka pinagtitripan niya na lang ako?

Kakaibang yamot ang naramdaman ko. Ganiyan ang gusto mo? Sige pagbibigyan kita.

I swiftly pulled back my hand from his, gulat niya akong nilingon. He tried to take back my hand but he didn’t succeed as I crossed my arms on my chest.

We’re talking seriously about us then he’ll suddenly decide to tease me. May saltik ata ‘tong lalaking?

“Wife? What’s wrong?” Tanong niya, kahit hindi ko siya lingon batid ko ang pagka aliw sa kaniyang tinig.

What’s wrong mo mukha mo!

I rolled my eyes. Kahit diretso ang aking tingin ay pakiramdam ko tumatama ang pag-irap ko. Narinig kong tumawa siya kaya mas lalo akong nainis. Buong byahe namin papuntang condo niya sa Taguig at busangot ako. He tried to open a conversation but I immediately dismissed it. He wants to talk to me then he needs to give me an answer first.

Ayoko kasing magpatuloy ang ganito naming set up dahil alam ko na sa bawat pagdaan ng araw ay mas nahuhulog at lumalalim ang aking nararamdaman. If he wants me, then he needs to get me. We need to talk to clarify what’s our relationship.

Tutal tinatawag niya akong asawa niya, siya ‘tong unang nagpakita ng kabaliwan sa aming dalawa kahit pa no’ng panahon na hindi niya pa alam na trans ako. Siguro naman ay hindi na rin masama na maging ganito ako kaagresibo tungkol sa kung ano ang namamagitan samin dalawa.

Bago kami lumabas ng San Fuego ay dumaan muna kami sa Supermarket. He said that he’d cook us our dinner, so he needs to get the ingredients for whatever food he’ll cook.

Habang naglalakad kami sa section ng mga gulay, I saw two familiar people standing in front of the meat sections. Alex was standing beside Jenny while his hand was well-placed on her waist. Sobrang lapit nila at kung titingnan mo ay para silang magjowa.

My brow furrowed. I had never seen Alex to be this likely intimate, and sweet with someone even before. And I never imagined that I would see them here, this close. Napatitig ako sa kanila at masyadong inuusisa ang aking nakikita.

A moment passed and Jenny removed Alex’s hand on her waist and gave him a sharp look. Mukhang inaasar lang siya ng lalaki dahil kilala ko si Alex. Masyadong makulit at malakas mang trip ang lalaking ‘yon. Pero bakit sila magkasama? Ni hindi ko man lang alam? Hindi man lang sila sinabi sa akin?

I shrugged off the thoughts lingering in my mind.

After Seth got everything he needed, he drove us to his condo. When got there, he told me that I could explore the whole unit which I quickly declined. Umupo na lang ako sa sala at tumawag kay Ramon just to check kung ano na ang kalagayan nila at ni Nanay. Nanghihingi rin ng budget ang aking kapatid dahil ang binigay ko raw ay naubos na. I told him that I’ll send the money tomorrow. Kahit ng matapos ako sa tawag ay hindi pa rin tapos ang niluluto ni Seth.

When I went to the kitchen, his tall and masculine figure swiftly caught my eyes, naka topless na siya ang mula dito sa kinatatayuan ko ay kitang kita ko ang hugis at detelyado sa kaniyang katawan. Nakasuot siya ng light grey apron. Ilang minuto kong tinitigan ang kaniyang katawan.

His tall and large body almost didn’t fit in his place; he was slightly bent over while busy with what he was doing—cooking. Kinakagat ko ang aking labi. I feel my cheek burned. Sa ganda niyang lalaki nasisigurado akong marami na siyang naging nobya, maraming nagsubok na harutin siya at higi pa ay ang maka—

I shook my head from the thoughts. I breathe in and out. Naglakad ako diretso sa island counter at umupo ro’n. I silently watched him do his thing.

Sa yaman niya ‘di mo aakalain na marunong siyang mag luto. Samantalang ako? Ni hindi ako maalam masyado sa pagluluto. Yes, I can cook. I know how to. Pero hindi ganito kabihasa. Sa bawat galaw niya ay masasabi mong magaling at kabisado niya ang kaniyang dapat gawin. It was as if he was just playing some child cooking game. Iyong sa lata at lalagyan ng kung ano anong dahom at tubig saka isasalang sa kalan kalanan na ginawa lang namin.

I chuckled. Gosh! Naalala mo pa talaga ang kakulitan mo nung bata.

“Why are you chuckling?” He asked puzzled. There’s an amused smirk on his lips.

Napapikit ako ng dalawang beses bago tumikhim at iayos ang upo. I looked at him. Pasulya sulyap siya sa akin habang hinahalo ang kaniyang niluluto. He then turns to the other pan to check the meat. Inadjust niya ang kalan bago ako hinarap. He was leaning on it.

Umiling ako. “Wala, may naalala lang… Kabataan ko.”

He slowly nods. “What about it?”

“Wala. Mga kalokohan ko lang.”

“Tell me then.”

“Ayoko.”

“Hmmm…”

Tumalikod na siya at tiningnan ang kaniyang niluluto. Wala ng kumibo sa amin hanggang matapos siya sa pagluluto. Puchero at isang medium rare na steak ang kaniyang niluto. He said that he really wanted to cook this for someone he loves.

Marami kaming mga pinagusapan at isa na ro’n ang matagal ng bumabagabag sa aking isip. Yung panahon na nalaman niya na isa akong trans. The disappointment and devastation I saw in his eyes, glued on my mind up until now.

Nagulat pa siya nung bigla kong tinanong ‘yon sa kaniya. He stayed silent for a moment.

He grabbed the glass and drank water. Tumikhim siya.

“Honestly, I never expected that. I know that you are beautiful, kind, and almost perfect, but I never think of you as someone who hides her true sexuality from everyone, from me.”

He looked at me seriously, his dark orb was surveying my eyes. Like a scanner searching for something.

“My family, especially my mom, was not fond of the third gender people or the LGBTQIA+ and obviously will not be happy if one of their sons would love one. But for me, gender was never a problem when it comes to love. I was just surprised and lost in thoughts that day that’s why I reacted that way.” He explained.

Kung gano’n Nanay niya ang nakita kong sumugod at nag-iingay sa apartment nung araw na ‘yon. Kung gano’n ay kapatid niya rin ang lalaki? From her mother’s voice and tone, it is easy to understand that she really hates the third gender. The words she used, the way she delivered them word by word, and the way she acted in front of those people say it all.

She must have her reason to have that kind of hatred. There must be a reason.

My heart tightened as if someone was gripping it from inside.

“K-Kung gano’n at totoo ang sinasabi mo, bakit ka hindi na muling nagpakita?”

His eyes softened with my question. He gulped hard.

Ano ka ngayon? Sige, sagutin mo.

“I-I…” He heaved a sigh. “I told you I had never felt this before to someone, until you. Nang malaman ko ang katotoohanan, naguluhan ako. I am not against with idea of having a relationship with someone from your community, I just don’t imagine I will fall… In love. I’ve fallen, Wife. Hard and big time. So I gave myself time to think and carefully process my emotions, to be absolutely certain about what I truly feel. Because the truth is, I am not gay, I am straight. And more than that, when I look at you, I don’t just see you as a woman, but as a real woman in every possible way.” He explained. It was evident in his eyes that he was genuine and sincere in everything he said. I saw no trace of deceit or dishonesty—nothing at all.

I gasped, my mouth slightly agape. I don’t know why, but I felt my chest aching—not because I was hurt, but because my heart was beating so loudly that it was the only thing I could hear, along with this man’s voice in front of me. It was as if nothing else mattered at that moment—only three things: his voice, my heart’s voice, and mine.

I couldn’t move my hand; I just sat there, listening to every word he said. My appetite seemed to have abandoned me as he began to explain and answer the question I had wanted to ask the most.

I understand his reasons. Dahil alam ko na kahit hindi niya sabihin may parte sa kaniya na nabigo dahil sa nalaman tungkol sa kung ano ang tunay kong kasarian. Lahat ng rason niya ay naiintindihan ko dahil alam kong kahit sino man na lalaki ang nasa kalagayan niya ay may tyansa na gawin at pagdaanan ang nangyare, ang kaniyang ginawa.

I bit my lower lip and bowed my head, looking straight at the food on my plate. This is new to him, just like me. Everything was new to us, the feelings, the mix of emotion, the presence, and so on. Everything. E, hindi lang pala ako ang naguluhan at nalito, siya rin.

Bigla kong naalala ang mga nabasa sa article na aking pinagkaabalahan nung gabi ‘yon. So the rumors about him are true. He never experienced getting into a relationship just like me. Pero paano ko masisigurado ‘yon? Wala naman siyang sinabi, ang tangi niya lang nabanggit ay ang pagiging bago sa kaniya ng lahat nang meron kaming dalawa. Nothing more, nothing less.

Lumalim ang usapan namin dalawa ni Seth nung mga oras na ‘yon. Hanggang sa natapos nalang at nakapaghugas na ako lahat lahat ay bumabagabag pa rin sa akin ang mga sinabi niya. He also mentioned that he tried to party again after a long time just because of uncertainty about his emotions and feelings. He tried to…

I swallowed the forming vile in my throat. I said I understood him, I accepted his reasons. Wholeheartedly. But why am I feeling this way? I felt my stomach sinking into the black hole.

Nagpaalam siyang maliligo siya, he also gives me full permission to roam around the unit. Natingnan ko na lahat pati ang salas, ang gym room at ang iba pa. Sobrang laki nga ng unit na’to at sa tingin ko ay sobrang mahal rin ng presyo ng mga ganito. Aminadong hindi maalam sa mga ganito dahil una sa lahat wala naman akong kapera pera para makabili ng ganito, pangalawa, hindi pa ako kailanman nakatapak sa ganito ngayon lang at siya pa ang dahilan.

Kakalabas ko lang ng Cinema room niya dito sa second floor at namataan ko ang isang kahina-hinalang kwarto sa dulong banda ng pasilyong ‘to. The door was slightly ajar, a faint sliver of light spilling through the gap, casting eerie shadows on the floor. A shiver ran down my spine as unease settled deep in my chest, intertwining with a growing curiosity that pulsed through my veins—an irresistible force, pulling me closer despite the uncertainty that clawed at me.

With my heart thundering inside my chest, I walked towards the mysterious room. But just before I could fully reach the door, a deep voice called out to me from behind, freezing me in place.

“What are you doing there, Wife?” His voice slightly raised.

I froze.

Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17

Napatalon ako sa gulat nang biglang nagsalita si Seth sa aking likuran. Kumabog ang aking dibdib sa hindi ko malaman na dahilan. I don’t know if it’s because I was caught in action for sneaking into one of his rooms. That suspicious and creepy room. Or maybe it was his normal effect on me.

Slowly, I turned my body, facing him. He was side-leaning on the wall, arm crossed. He was only wearing his dark blue jersey shorts. My eyes went to his biceps, the muscles in it were protruding. Every detail and line is well-shaped and drawn. It was like a perfect statue designed by an old Greek sculptor.

I gulped. Gosh! Why am I so anticipated about his build? The muscles? Shit! Parang ang sarap magpa headlock—No! What the!

He cleared his throat which made me pull back to my senses. Hindi ka pa tulog, Riz. Kaya huwag kang managinip ng gisip. And gosh! Why am I thinking of him sensually? Hindi ikaw ‘to! Never in your life think about someone like this!

“Wife? What are you doing there?” He asked. His right brow arched.

“I-I… N-Nandyan kana pala.”

He smirked.

“Yeah, what are you doing there?” He repeated. He then glanced at my back, maybe at the door towards the creepy room.

Hindi ko alam kung talaga bang nagtatanong siya kung ano ang ginagawa ko o he was just being sarcastic. His face is just showing how playful he can be. Gusto ko magsalita o sumagot but I felt my throat run dry because of something I couldn’t even name. Isa pa! Nakahubad siya! This is the first time I saw a man topless in front of me. And from his face, it is clearly that he enjoys whatever he was doing to me! Fuck!

Heto nanaman ako! Shit! Kailan ba ako masasanay sa kaniya sa mga paganito niya. He always used this effect on me whenever he caught me off something.
Hindi ko ba alam kung ako ba ang problema o sadyang ganito lang talaga ang epekto nitong lalaking ‘to.

I pursed my lips. I shook my head slowly and nervously. Stop, you bitch!

“Uh… I-I was just planning to have a peek at that… Room.” There! I finally said it, I closed my eyes hard.  I never thought that saying the truth would be this hard, huh?

He pulled his body and stood straight, he then put his arms inside his pocket. Sa pamamaraan niya nang pagtitigi sa akin ay nagdala ng kung anong lamig sa aking katawan. The cold was so unfamiliar that I just stood there and watched him bore his dark orb at me. Bakit ba ganito ang aking pakiramdam?

“Hmmm…” Naglakad siya sa kinaroroonan ko, sa laki ng kaniyang biyas ay mabilis niyang nilamon ang pagitan namin dalawa.

Marahan niyang nilagay ang kaniyang magkabilang kamay sa aking siko, he then crouched. Hinalikan ni Seth ang pisngi ko, mabilis lamang iyong ngunit ramdam na ramdam ko ang init at ang emosyon na kasama no’n.

My heart hammered. Sa lakas ng tibok nito ay para na talaga akong mabubuwal at tuluyan ng malalaglag. Na para bang isa akong prutas na matagal ng nakalambitin sa sanga ng puno.

I looked at him with my eyes widened. His face turned from being firm to soft and warm. His eyes looked at me softly. Umawang ang labi niya ngunit walang lumabas na salita.

Para lang rin akong tanga na nakatingin sa kaniya habang nag aabang sa kaniyang sasabihin. I want to be selfish and claim him as mine, I want to declare and state to him that he is now my boyfriend. I want to be greedy! But I know deep inside that rushing things might result in something that both of us would not be happy about.

I know that everything happened so fast, and I don’t think that doing the same thing and fueling the acceleration of our relationship might be the best thing to do. Kaya kahit anong pagkasabik ng aking puso at damdamin ay kailangan kong pigilan. I need to wait for the right timing, things are happening at the right time and the timing would be the happiest.

“What are you thinking? Hmmm…” He grazed his nose on my neck, I felt him sniff my skin there.

He snaked his two big arms around me, caging me. Nakayakap siya sa akin habang namamahinga ang kaniyang mukha sa aking leeg. I could smell his shower gel mixed with his musky and natural smell.
Ang lakas ng kabog ng puso ko. Kinakabahan, nakikiliti na hindi ko malaman kung ano. I just blankly stood there, froze like a hotdog in the fridge, letting him cover me with his big body.

“Uh… Seth,” I said after a moment of silence devoured our time.

He sniffed my skin before pulling himself back at me. He looked at me. Namumungay ang kaniyang mata na tumingin sa akin.

“Yes, Wife?” He smiled at me sweetly.

Gosh! Hindi ko na alam kung pang ilang beses na akong binubundol ng kaba, at ilang beses na rin bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko dahil sa lalaking ‘to. His effect should be illegal by now! This can’t be right!

“Puwede ba akong sumilip sa kuwartong ‘yon?” I said, pertaining to the room that gives a creepy vibe.

He was stunned for a moment because of my request. Tumingin nang pabalik balik ang kaniyang mga mata sa aking dalawang mata na tila naghahanap ng kaseryosohan. Nang mapagtanto na seryoso nga ako sa aking hiling ay biglang nagbago ang kaniyang itsura. His expression changes quickly like a wind passing by the tree. His eyes sharpened, his jaw clenched, his nostrils widened like something in what I said just made him angry like a wild bull.

“Why?”

“W-Wala, gusto ko lang makita kung ano ba ang nasa loob. Kanina pa kasi ako nahihiwagaan at gusto ko silipin pero I still want to ask for your approval para magawa ‘yon.” I explained.

Wala siyang naging reaksyon sa sinagot ko. Totoo naman rin ang sinabi ko. Hiwagang hiwaga ako sa silid na ‘yon. May parang kung ano kasi ang tumutulak at bumubulong sa akin na sumilip ‘ron. Pero dahil hindi sa akin itong bahay at malaki ang respeto ko sa kaniya ay humingi muna ako ng pahintulot niya. Now, if he wouldn’t allow me to see what’s in it then it’s fine with me. Sabi ko nga, it is my respect for him and his permission.

Pumulupot ang kaniyang isang kamay sa aking beywang at marahan na hinihimas ng kaniyang daliri ang parte ro’n.

“No, Wife. Nothing is in there. Now, let’s go back to our salas and watch a movie of your choice.” He said, diverting my request.

Tumango na lang ako bilang pagsang-ayon. Hindi na ako nangulit. I trust him, I trust his words. I will not push it just to feed my curiosity. Kung wala naman talagang ang naroon sa kuwartong ‘yon ay bakit pa ako mamimilit. I was just his visitor here, I was nothing but a stranger to his house. Wait? Stranger pa rin ba? Ngayon na nagtanungan na kami tungkol sa kung ano ang mayro’n ang aming relasyon.

I thought my curiosity would vanish after an hour but I was wrong. The whole time I was in his condo, my curiosity kept on bugging me. May kung anong gumugulo sa akin na silipin ang silid na ‘yon na kahit pa ay nakapagdesisyon na ako na hindi ko na iyon titingnan. I don’t have his permission, he didn’t allow me, let me. Kaya gulong-gulo ako sa kung anong nangyayari sa akin. Hindi ako matahimik. Na para akong malalagutan ng hininga pag hindi ko sinilip ang silid na iyon at hindi ko malaman kung anong mayron sa loob.

They say that if your instinct wanted to say something, or it suddenly activated like a damn system. Trust it, trust your instinct. Hindi ko alam kung ito naba iyon? Heto ba ang pagkakataon?

Sa huli ay sinawalang bahala ko nalang at binaon sa kaloob looban ko.

“Girl! That dick was with me the whole time!” Yamot na reklamo ni Jenny sa akin. Nasa trabaho ko siya ngayon at nagrereklamo tungkol sa kaibigan namin na si Alex.

Ngumiti ako. Naaaliw sa itsura niyang inis na inis. “Bakit ano ba kasing ginagawa mo ro’n? I thought that party was exclusive only for businessmen?” I probed.

She rolled her eyes sassily. “Girl! Sinama lang ako ng kakilala ko, he invited me to go with him. Partner kung baga. Di ko alam anong ginagawa ng kaibigan mo ro’n. Nakakainis siya! Para akong may bantay na gwardya dahil sa ginagawa niya!” Dinampot niya ang baso niya at sumimsim sa kanyang kape.

Hindi ko maiwasan matawa kahit pa isang malaking tanong kung paano sila naging ganito ang sitwasyon. She told me that Alex dragged her out of the party when she was making out with the man. She also added that the whole time that she was there, Alex was always in her sight. Na para bang sinisigurado ng lalaki na magpapakita siya kay Jenny at ipaalala na nagbabantay siya sa babae.

Kilala ko si Jenny. Mahilig siyang pumarty at gawin ang kung ano ano pang ginagawa ng isang mapaglaro na tao. I don’t judge her though. Maybe it’s her way to cope, to make herself happy or it is her way to breathe.

Nagtataka lang rin ako, kilala ko si Alex and I never saw him before being that protective kahit na sa akin. Though, hindi naman ako kasi katulad ni Jenny pero hindi ko talaga akalain na gagawin ni Alex ‘yon. Maybe hindi ko pa nga siya ganun pa kakilala. May hindi pa ako nakikita sa kaniya. Hindi kaya ay…

“Bwisit!” Inis na sabi ni Jenny.

“Riz! Breaktime is Over.” Tawag sa akin ng aming manager.

Nagpaalam naman na rin ako sa kaibigan at nagpatuloy na rin sa trabaho. Men are mysterious in their own ways. Or maybe all of us are.

Nagpatuloy naman ang araw na ‘yon ng maayos. Natapos ang shift ko ng matiwasay at walang kung ano man ang nangyari. Seth fetched me and drove me home. He stayed in my apartment for a while and went home at midnight.

Nagpatuloy ang araw at naging ganun ang gawi namin. Papasok ako sa trabaho, susunduin ako ni Seth at ihahatid pauwi o kaya naman ay pupunta kami sa kaniyang condo. Pero sa bawat pagpunta ko sa kaniyang condo ay hindi ko pa rin napupuntahan o nasisilip ang silid na ‘yon. At tuwing nando’n ako ay nakasara iyon kaya wala rin akong ginawa kundi ang deadmahin iyon.

Nang dumating ang enrollment ay hindi na ako pinagasikaso ni Seth, he said that his secretary would be the one who process my enrollment. I declined at first but in the end, his request won.

Naging okay rin naman ang sitwasyon sa bahay namin at si Nanay, nairaos ko ang mga test na kailangan niyang pagdaan. Ang panganay naman na si Ramon ay gustong sumunod rito sa akin sa San Fuego upang mag-aral ng kolehiyo at maghanap rin ng trabaho. Hindi ako pumayag ngunit hindi ko rin naman siya puwedeng kontrolin sa gusto niyang mangyari.

Opener ako ng shop nang biglang may pumasok na isang babae. Sa kaniyang itsura ay masasabi kong may kaya siya o kaya naman ay isang mayaman na tao. She’s wearing a white dress. May kasama rin itong dalawang nakaitim na uniporme na lalaki na sa tingin ko ay bodyguard niya.

Agaran ko naman siyang dinaluhan ng umorder siya. Isang hot coffee at isang sliced ng cake ang kaniyang kinuha. Kapansin-pansin rin ang pamamaraan niya ng pagtingin sa akin. The way she looked at me while I was taking her order gave me an unknown feeling. Her eyes looked at me with longing, sadness, and happiness. The whole time that she was standing in front of me, in front of the counter, her eyes stuck on me. It was as if it was glued to me. Nakangiti lang rin siya sa akin habang pinapakinggan akong magsalita at magtanong sa kaniya.

“Emilia,” Biglaan niyang sabi.

“Po?”

“Uh… Sorry, I said you can call me Emilia.”

“Ma’am Emilia.” Ngiti ko.

“You’re beautiful, j-just like me…” Sabi niya sa mababang tono kaya hindi ko na rinig.

“Po?”

She shook her head. Nakangiti pa rin siya ng matamis. Napansin ko rin ang namamasa masa niyang mata.

“Your order will be served in a moment. Dadalhin ko nalang po sa table niyo.” I handed her the card she used for the payment. Tumango siya at tumitig ulit sa akin ng ilang minuto na para bang ayaw niyang umalis ro’n at panoorin na lang ako magdamag.

Kalaunan ay umupo na rin siya sa malapit lang sa counter. Sinimulan ko na rin gawin ang order niya. Habang inihahanda ko ang kaniyang order ay napadaan ang aking mata sa kaniyang gawi. Her eyes met mine. There’s a mixed emotion that was flickering in it. At kahit medyo malayo siya sa kung nasaan namin tinitimpla ang drinks ay kita ko ang pagiging basa ng kaniyang mata.

Nangunot ang noo ko sa pagtataka. What’s with her reaction? And who is she? Those eyes! The way she looked at me it was as if I was someone who she had longed for a long time now. Hindi ko maipagkakaila iyon.

Lito man at nahihiwagaan ay naihatid ko ang kaniyang order. Nakatitig lang siya sa akin na para bang sinusuri ang aking kabuohan. Titig na titig at parang itinatatak niya sa kaniyang isipan ang kung ano ang aking mukha. Hindi kaya ay may utang sila Nanay sa kaniya? Dahil wala naman akong naaalala na may inutangan o may nagawan ako ng mali.

“Here’s your order, Ma’am Emilia.” Marahan kong nilpag ang kaniyang order.

“Thank you, H-Hija.” Her voice cracked when she said the word ‘hija’

I smiled. “You’re welcome, Ma’am. Enjoy your order and your day.”

Tatalikod na sana ako ng bigla niyang hawakan ang pulsuhan ko.

“Uh… W-Wait.” She stuttered.

“Yes po, Ma’am. Do you need anything else po?”

“N-No… U-Uh… Can I h-have y-your… Name?”

“Sure po. Jan Aldriz Borja po, you can call me Riz po.”

“R-Riz,“

Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18

Upo na Violet: I can’t fetch you from your work today, I have a meeting to attend. I’ll tell Jan and the others to drive you home. I love you!

Break time ko at kasalukuyan akong nasa likod ng shop, kung saan pinapasok ang mga stocks ng ingredients at iba pa. Ngayon ko lang nabasa ang kaniyang chat sa akin gamit nanaman any dummy account niyang matagal na niyang ginawa para lang kulitin ako. My shoulder fell at what he said in the chat message. But I understand he has his duty as a Mayor and a businessman.

Riz: Okay.

Mabilis ko naman nireplyan ang kaniyang chat at saka pinatay at binaba ang aking phone. I closed my eyes and looked up in the sky then felt the breeze of air. Sa tapat ng shop ay may dalawang puno. Isang puno ng santol at isang puno ng manggang kalabaw. The weather is fine and good. Hindi masyadong mainit at katamtaman lang naman. Dumagdag pa ang hangin at ang bango nito na epekto rin ng puno.

For over the years I have been living in this life, I am contented for what I have, no, more than contented. I never once wished to have what others had. Ang gusto ko lang ay sapat na trabaho at sapat na sweldo para sa ikabubuhay ng pamilya ko. Ang pamilyang kumupkop at kinalakhan ko.

I sighed. All I ever wanted was for my family to have a good health and peaceful life. Enough money for our daily needs. Nothing more, nothing less. Ganito ako lumaki, ganito ako pinalaki. My parents taught me how to be grateful and contented for what we have. Kaya rin siguro ganito ako umasta ngayon.

Money is indeed necessary for many purposes, such as food, items, transportation, medical needs, and more. Some may say that money can buy everything, but I personally disagree.

I smiled. Masaya mamuhay kung marunong makuntento sa kung ano ang mayro’n.

“Riz, the break is over.” Tawag sa akin ni Jeoffrey.

“Okay.”

Pumasok na ako at bumalik na rin sa duty. Pagpasok ko ay akala ko wala na si Ma’am Emilia ngunit nagkakamali ako. Naroon pa rin siya sa kinauupuan niya ngunit ngayon ay hindi na siya nag iisa. A man with a black suit was now sitting in front of her. Maayos ang gupit at nakasuklay ang lalaki, guwapo rin ito at mukhang may lahi. Nangunot ang noo ko nang mapansin na may pagkakahawig kami. Ngunit dahil nasa trabaho ako ay inabala at tinuon ko na lng rin sa trabaho ang aking sarili.

“Riz, nakita mo yung lalaking naka suit sa harap nung babaeng hinatiran mo ng order kanina?” Tanong ni Cleo.

Umiling ako. Hindi ko siya tiningnan at inabala ang sarili sa pagpupunas ng baso.

“Yung lalaking ‘yon yung Vice Mayor ng lugar na ‘to. Hindi mo kilala?” Pagpatuloy niya.

I shrugged again. No! Hindi ko naman talaga kilala at wala akong balak na kilalanin pa. Totoo naman, hindi ko nga kilala ang Mayor nila rito, ano pa kaya ang Vice Mayor nila? Kung hindi pa naging baliw ang si Seth nung una namin pagkikita sa kaniyang opisina ay hindi ko pa malalaman na buang pala ang Mayor nila.

Natawa ako dahil sa aking naiisip. From my peripheral view I saw Cleo’s brows met probably because of my sudden laugh.

“Bakit ka tumatawa?”

Ngumuso ako para pigilan ang tawa. I shot him a glance before continuing to wipe the glass.

“Wala, may naisip lang.”

Kahit hindi ko siya tingnan ay alam kong nakatingin pa rin sa akin si Cleo. He looked at me for a while before shaking his head unbelievably.

Ano ba kasi ang mayro’n sa Vice Mayor na ‘yon at bakit niya nabanggit iyon sa akin? Did he think that somehow I would be interested on that Vice Mayor? Because I wouldn’t. Gosh! Sa nararamdaman ko sa buang na Seth na ‘yon ay hindi ko na lang alam kung magkakagusto pa ba ako sa ibang lalaki. Talaga ba Riz? E, hindi pa nga kayo nung lalaking ‘yon. And what did he say the last time you’re with him? He’ll court you even though you guys are already in a relationship. Bitch! Hindi mo nga sinasagot e, hindi mo kinokumpirma!

I raised my eyes at the man that Cleo mentioned a while ago. His hair was brushed backward and it was neat-looking on him. He has a glasses on, ang mga mata niya ay katulad sa akin. What?! Okay! Maybe a coincidence or maybe my eyes are just common. Huh?

Maganda ang pagkakahugis ng kaniyang panga. Malaki rin ang kaniyang pangangatawan. Pero sa tingin ko hindi magpapakabog ang katawan ni Seth. Nag-init ang pisngi ko sa aking naisip. Gosh! What did I just think? Feeling ka Riz! Ni hindi mo pa nga nasisilayang ang masarap niyang— OMG! I need to stop.

I shut my eyes tightly and shook my head. Kung ano ano na ang tinatahak ng isip mo, Riz. You need to cleanse whatever thoughts your mind has. Gosh! Di na nakaka-demure.

“Are you okay, R-Riz?” A deep baritone voice said that pull myself out of the thoughts.

I slowly looked at the man in front of me. I stiffened. Si… Si Vice Mayor…

“Y-Yes! O-Okay lang po ako.” I cleared my throat. Shit! Sa sobrang lubog ko sa mga iniisip ko ay hindi ko na namalayan na ako na pala ulit ang nasa counter. At sumakto pa na siya ang nakakita sa akin na malango sa mga iniisip ko. Nakakahiya!

“A-Ano po ang order nila?” I tried to compose myself but the nervousness was still evident in my voice.

Ngumiti siya, ang mga mata niya ay gumagala sa aking mukha. “We’re really have the same face…” He whispered.

“Po?”

“Uh…” He cleared his throat. “Sorry. One cup of cappuccino and one italian bread, please?” He then handed me his card which I swiftly took from him to get the payment.

“Sure, Sir.”

“Damian,”

“Sir?”

“Call me Damian, Riz.”

“D-Damian…”

He nodded his head and smiled at me. Ngumiti rin ako sa kaniya. I scanned his face quickly and I noticed that we had some same features even the color of our eyes were the same.

“Okay, Damian. Your order will be served shortly.”

Tumango naman siya. Pilit ko man isawalang bahala ngunit hindi ko ma-alis sa aking isipan ang nararamdaman ko. I felt so light when I was talking to him, same feelings with Ma’am Emilia. Sobrang komportable ako at ang gaan lang na para bang magkakilala na kami matagal na ngunit nakalimutan ko lang. All I could think is that we somehow shared the same energy that’s why I was comfortable with them.

Nung natapos na ang order ni Damian ay hindi ako ang nagserve nun kundi ang isa namin na kasamahan. My shift for that day ended well and our boss announced that we will have our incentives for the last 4 months. And thinking about it, my incentives for the past months haven’t shown to us. Malaki laki rin naman siguro ang makukuha ko. At kung malaki nga, edi may pang libre na ako sa mga kapatid ko at pandagdag sa gamot na kailangan ni Nanay.

Kuya Jan fetched me and drove me home. The next day, Seth went to my aparment and stayed there till midnight and went home after. We didn’t have the conversation about our relationship since that day but he always makes sure that he was able to make me feel that I am being courted.

“Our business partners will hold a party and my family is invited. I would like you to come with me, Wife.” Ani Seth isang gabi na nasa apartment ko siya.

He’s holding my right hand and caressing it tenderly. Mula sa aking binabasa na libro ay napatingin ako sa kaniya. Seryoso ba siya? Ako ang isasama niya? At ano? Party? Ni hindi pa nga ako nasisigurado kung ano ang magiging lagay ko nito sa pasukan dahil sa ginawa niyang pagsundo sa akin noon tapos mayro’n ulit at isasama niya ako sa party na iyon. And his family would be there surely. His mother, that woman who spoke homophobic remarks towards that woman. Alalang alala ko pa iyon.
“S-Sama mo ako? Bakit?”

His brow arched at my question. “Because your my wife? I want to show you how my life, I want to let you know what my worlds is, just like how you let me know your world too.” He smirked.

Isang halik ang pinatak niya sa likod ng aking kamay na para bang isang walang bigat ang kaniyang sinabi.

“Bakit nga ako? E, hindi naman tayo… I mean hindi pa tayo at wala akong kilala sa party na ‘yon. I’m not even relevant to them.”

He groaned. Humigpit ang hawak niya sa kamay ko ng panandalian bago sunod-sunod na pinatakan ng halik iyon.

“Then make me your boyfriend so that I have my reason to bring you there with me.” He pouted his lips. Ngunit hindi rin nagtagumpay na sumilay ang ngiti sa kaniyang bibig.

I smacked his chest. “Style mo bulok!” He laughed.

Sa oras na ‘yon ganun lang umikot ang aming usapan. He really wanted me to go with him on that party. Hindi ko naman masagot dahil sa panibagong bagay na gumugulo sa isip ko. Am I really able to enter his world? The world full of grand, socialites and… Money. Dagdag pa natin ang pagiging kilala niya bilang isang tanyag na Mayor ng lugar na ito. Ang politika at mga bagay na kasama no’n.

“So anong score sa inyo, Ate?” Tanong ni Jenny, sabado ng gabi.

Napagdesisyonan niya na matulog dito sa apartment dahil nabuburyo raw siya sa kanila. Wala rin naman raw siya gananng maglabas labas at magparty dahil nagsasawa na raw siya. Hindi ko na lang rin inusisa pa patungkol ro’n

Nagkibit balikat ako. “Wala, Ate. Nagliligawan?”

“Gosh! Sobrang hina mo naman, Ate. E, kung sagutin mo na yan siya at chupain agad. Kung ano sayo nagpakantot nako! Ang sarap sarap pa naman nitong si Mayor.”

Natawa ako sa kaniyang sinabi. Kung dati dati ay nagugulantang ako sa bibig niya, ngayon ay nasasanay na lang ako.

“Okray ka! Syempre ayokong magmukhang patay na patay sakaniya kahit pa nangungulila agad ako pag hindi siya nakikita.”

“Chariz lang! Pero diba nga. Mahal mo na ‘no?” Palihis na tanong niya.

This question always crosses my mind and there’s always an answer comes after it. I love him, yes, and that is what I already told to myself. Alam ko na ngunit hindi ko alam kung kailan ko siya nagustuhan. I have never been vocal to my feelings and emotions as I grew up a loner, I only have myself and my best friend, Alex. Hindi rin ako nagkaroon pa ng kaibigan bukod sa kaniya, ni hindi rin ako nagkaroon ng kahit anong romantikong relasyon sa kahit na sino. Kaya hindi ko alam kung kailan nagumpisa o kailan ko minahal si Seth.

Tumango ako. Nag-init ang pisngi ko sa aking sagot.

Tumili si Jenny. “Gosh! Ate! Dalaga ka na! Kailan ka papakantot?”

“Ate?!”

“Chariz! Pero bakit ayaw mo pa sagutin? Diba ang sabi mo nagliligawan kayo?”

“Oo,”

“E, bakit nga ayaw mo pa sagutin?”

Gusto kong sabihin ang dahilan ko kaso parang malaking bagay ang bumara nalang bigla sa aking lalamunan.

I sighed.

Nung gabi ay hindi na ako tinantanan ni Jenny sa pangungulit tungkol sa imahinasyon niya tungkol sa magiging relasyon namin ni Seth. Kung saan saan na rin napunta ang kaniyang isip. From the time that I make him my boyfriend to our first night to our marriage. Ni hindi nga ako lumalagpas sa pagpapantasya na maging boyfriend ko siya tapos etong kaibigan ko ay napunta na sa pagpapakasal namin.

“I can’t imagine how your first sex experience with him. Siguro super rough siya since mukhang hard fucker siya, sa laki at bagsik pa lang ng mukha! Lakas maka first lady ate!” Kinikilig na saad niya bago tumitiling gumulong sa aking kama.

I didn’t bother myself to give her any of my attention that night, though, I can’t stop myself from laughing every time she spits her hilarious imagination of us.

Marahan kong hinalo ang niluluto ni Nanay. I smiled. I missed this, I missed them. Tumingin ako sa kanila ng nag-iinit ang aking mga mata. I know that I have been busy with my life, my studies, my work and my feelings for Seth, that I rarely visit them here. Ni hindi ako makapagleave at maka-uwi buti na lamang ay binigyan kami ng leave para makapagpahinga. This is my first time but Cleo said that every year the boss gives his employees days of leave. Lalo raw pag maganda ang performance at kita ng shop.

“Hindi pa luto, Ate?” Tanong ng kapatid kong si Bune. She scratched her messy hair.

Ngumiti ako. “Hindi pa. Bakit gutom ka naba?”

“Oo,” She pouted her lips.

“Maligo ka muna, pagtapos mo sigurado akong luto na ‘to.”

“E, ayoko.”

“Yuck! Bakit ayaw mo maligo?”

“Oo, Ate. Pagalitan ko yan si Bune, palaging nasa tabing ilog ta’s uuwing sobrang dusing. Ayaw pa maligo. Lakas pa magkagusto sa anak ni Ate Marian.” Biglang sabat ni Ramon.

“Paepal!” Simangot ni Bune.

Napabaling ako kay Ramon na natatawa bago bumaling ulit sa kapatid kong nasa aking gilid.

“May gusto ka kay Louise?”

“Hindi, Ate. Pampam lang yan si Kuya.” Tanggi niya.

“Ganun ba?”

Pikon na tumingin sa akin si Bune marahil pansin niya ang hindi ko pagiging kumbisido sa kaniyang sinagot. My off was well spent with them. I was able to aid Nanay and also have my bond with my siblings. Magaan ang aking dibdib dahil sa saya na aking nararamdaman. To see Nanay getting better from cancer and to watch my siblings have their banters again. Nagkwentuhan, nagbiruan at kung ano ginawa namin.

“Boyfriend mo na si Kuya Pogi?” Tanong ni Ramon.

Nag-init ang pisngi ko sa kaniyang biglang tanong, umaga ng biyernes.

“Hindi ah. Tyaka anong Kuya Pogi? Talagang may palayaw kana sa kaniya ha.”

“We! ‘Di raw pero kung makadikit sa kaniya parang linta. Close kami no’n ni Kuya Pogi ‘no!”

“Hindi nga. At paano naman kayo naging close?”

“Secret ko na ‘yon, Ate.” He stifled his smile, he then walk out as if he were a thief caught in action.

Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

“I’ll just end this meeting then I’ll fetch you, okay?” He said softly, I heard someone’s voice from the background.

I nod my head while my phone is on my right ear as if he could see me agree with him. “Okay, ayos lang kung matagalan ka tyaka kahit na si Kuya Jan na lang ang papuntahin mo.” I suggested.

“And why does it sound like you wanted him over me? You like him now, huh?” My eyes widened a bit. Kinabaha ako ng bahagya sa kaniyang sinabi.

“W-What? N-No! Bakit mo naman na sabi ‘yan!? Nags-suggest lang naman ako na sila nalang ang sumundo sa akin kesa ikaw na galing pa ng meeting, inaalala lang naman kita!” Paliwanag ko.

I heard him sigh. “Is that it? Do you care for me now? Okay, I’ll go there now! I will not end this damn meeting, I need to see my wife.” His voice was laced with finality. I heard from the line the sound of a chair being slid.

“S-Seth,”

“Yes, Wife?” Mabilis niyang sagot sa aking pagtawag sa kaniya.

Naririnig ko rin ang magalang na pagtawag sa kaniya ng mga kasama niya sa meeting but the voices were immediately gone like a wind. Hindi ko alam kung anong klaseng meeting ba ang mayro’n siya at kaya niyang umalis at puntahan ako rito. O baka naman ay nagbibibiro lang siya?

I shot a glance at my siblings to see what they were doing inside the house. Nasa labas kasi ako ng bahay at mula sa kinatatayuan ko ay kita ang loob ng bahay, ang sala.

“A-Alis ka talaga? Tapusin mo kaya ‘yang meeting, makakapaghintay naman ako saka nagkakasiyahan kami ng mga kapatid ko sa kwentuhan eh.” Palusot ko kahit pa na may sariling mundo na ang aking mga kapatid.

“Hmmm,”

“Sige na, tapusin mo na muna ‘yan.”

“You sure, Wife?”

“O-Oo naman.”

“Aight. I love you!”

My heart hammered because of the last 3 words he said. The way he said it was laced with so many emotions that I couldn’t even have the time to name each of them. I felt like floating in the air as if I was just a tiny piece of junk food sachet on the streets. Gosh! Kahit ilang beses ko nang narinig sa kaniya ang salitang ‘to, hindi ata ako masasanay sa mga ganito.

I tried to suck all the emotions and feeling that I felt the moment I heard him say the word.

“Wife? You still there?”

“Uh… Yes, Seth! S-Sige na. Tapusin mo na ang meeting mo.”

“Where’s my I love you too first?” He said hopefully.

I feel my cheeks burned. Tama ba ‘to! Tila naman ako nitong teenager na first time lang makaranas ng ganito! Although, It was really my first time to feel and experience all of this, but heck, it just felt so out of place! Tama ba ‘tong lahat!

“H-Huh?”

Narinig ko ang buntong hininga niya. “Aight! I won’t force you to say it back to me, I’ll wait for the day you say it back. Love you! See yah later!” He then dropped the call after the last word. I wasn’t able to answer him back.

Hindi ko na alam kung ilang minuto na akong nakatayo sa labas ng bahay namin. I was just too stunned by all of the words and feelings he shot at me. Para akong adik at tulala, pilit na dinidiin sa akin ang mga narinig.

Totoo ba talagang mahal niya ako? Gosh! I know he confessed to me many times now but I still can’t believe that someone of his caliber will fall for someone like me.

Hindi ko na talaga alam kung ano paba ang tunay, it felt surreal, a dream to feel and experience this. Alam ko na hindi lang ako ang nakakaranas ng ganito, na maraming katulad ko o kabilang sa community ko ang mayro’n ganitong pasabog sa buhay pero hindi lang talaga ako makapaniwala.

Sa huli ay pinilit ko rin ibalik sa hulog ang aking sarili. I went back inside the house and conversed with my family, I also asked Nanay how did she feel. Did she feel hurt somewhere? Did she feel something unusual? Or something that wasn’t right. Pero sinagot naman ako ni Nanay na wala. Sinabi ko rin sa kaniya na magsabi siya if may iba na siyang nararamdaman.

I also talked with Tatay, I asked him as well how he doing. Kung may nararamdaman rin ba siya na kakaiba. Kinamusta ko rin siya at ang mga nangyari sa kaniya.

My long day off ended well. It was fun and good, it was a heart fulfillment for me. It was like a long overdue assignment that I couldn’t do and now I’ve done it, I feel my heart being light and warm.

Sinundo rin ako ni Seth sa bahay at nakakagulat lang ay parang sanay na sanay na ang mga kapatid ko sa presensya niya. It was unusual for them to get used to his presence fast. Oo at sinama ko na siya ng ilang beses pag dumadalaw ako kay Nanay but for them to be this normal and…

Gosh! Am I overthinking again?

“Did you enjoy your vacation with them?” He asked, cutting the silence between us.

Diretso lamang ang tingin ko sa harap namin sa loob ng kaniyang sasakyan. He arrived earlier at 6 pm so I assumed that his meeting ended early. Karaniwan kasing natatapos ang meeting niya ng alas-nuebe ng gabi but this time it ended early.

I look at him. His eyes are fixed on the road, focused on driving. “Oo naman. Na miss ko sila lalo na ang mga kapatid ko.” I said happily.

Mabilis na bumaling ang tingin niya sa akin bago ibinalik sa daan. His hand slowly crawled to mine, he then filled the space between my fingers.

“Happy to know that you enjoyed your off.”

“Talaga?”

Tumango siya, may matamis pa rin na ngiti sa labi. Pumintig ang puso ko sa aking nasisilayan.

“Yes, Wife. I’m happy as long as you are happy.”

“E paano kung malungkot ako, edi malungkot ka rin?” I asked, teasing.

“Not really, but I’m not good if that happens.”  Sagot niya na tila hindi napansin ang pag uumpisa kong mang laro sa kaniya.

“Bakit? Sabi mo happy ka pag happy ako? Pero di ka malungkot pag naging malungkot ako? Edi wala ka pala eh, dun ka lang sa masaya.”

He chuckled. He brought our holding hands on his lips and planted a soft kiss on mine. “Silly! I know you are starting to play on me.” My heart hammered with his moves.

Pilit kong tinakpan ang grabeng tibok ng puso ko gamit ang pagtawa. “Charot lang.”

Napabaling siya sa akin. “C-Charot? What’s that word?” He asked. His face now was like a paper being crumpled, expressing wonder he was by the word I said.

Panibagong tawa ang aking pinakawalan. “Wala ‘yon. Salita namin.”

Mabilis naman nag-iba ang kaniyang mukha. Tumango ito at ngumiti. “Okay… Dialect? What province?” Tanong nito. The innocence in his face says that he wasn’t known to our gay language.

Sa paraan pa lang ng pagtatanong niya at kung paano seryoso niya sinabi ang mga ito. From it, it was shown that he didn’t have friends with someone like me. A trans, a person from our community.

Gosh! So, totoo talaga na ako ang una niyang nakasama, nakausap o nakakasalamuha ng matagal. Now! I am curious about his friends! Does he have friends? Yes, of course! God! Pero marami ba? Ilan?

I suddenly wanted to ask him about it but he quickly changed the topic by asking me again about the party, we really wanted me to go with him. Why tho?

I bit my lip, trying to suppress my laugh. “W-Wala,”

He shot me a glance, his right brow was up and there was a smile on his lips.

“What?”

“Wala nga, sige na mag focus ka na d’yan sa pagd-drive mo!” I said. Napalinga-linga siya sa akin at sa aming harap, ilang minuto siyang ganun bago tumango.

“Aight! By the way, Wife. Have you already thought of going with me to the party?” He shifted the topic, coursing it directly to his request days ago.

Gosh! Hindi niya pa talaga nakakalimutan at mukhang hindi talaga siya titigil. I thought he had already forgotten about it, to bring me with him to that grand party. Ano ba kasing mayro’n doon at ako ang gusto niyang isama. I don’t even have any idea what the party is all about.

Suminghap ako bago siya harapin. “Bakit ba ako gusto mo isama?” Tanong ko.

He shot me a glance, twice. “Like I said, I want to bring you with me to show you the world where I was dancing. I want you to know what world I have for the years living my life.” He explained, that his voice didn’t have any traces of lies and salt of deceiving. He said it sincerely.

My heart pounded so hard in my chest. He really wanted me to know his world, the world of privileged men, the world of those people who already have a golden spoon in their mouth the moment they open their eyes and have their first breath. He was opening himself to me, not just his but the world behind him.

Gusto ko man rumebat ngunit tila nagbara ang kung ano sa aking lalamunan kaya napaawang nalang ang aking labi habang pinagmamasdan siyang magmaneho.

“Can’t you grant me this? Hmm…” He sounds like a kid pleading to have a new toy. His eyes were looking at me softly.

Hindi ko talaga lubos maisip kung ano ba ang kinalaman ko ro’n, ang pagsama ko sa kaniya sa party na ‘yon. But the way he asked me, the tone of his voice when he pleads was like an antidote to a poison in my mind. Para akong biglang nanghina at gusto na lang pumayag.

“S-Sige.” Sagot ko.

“W-What? You’ll go with me?”

“Oo, sasama na ako. Kahit wala naman talaga akong gagawin at wala naman akong kinalaman sa party na ‘yon.”

“Fuck! Yes! You don’t need to do anything, Wife. Your presence was just enough, and don’t say that you are not related to that party. You’re my wife, I love you, and only just that it’ll speak volumes.”

Mas lalong lumakas ang tibok ng puso ko sa mga sinabi niya. This man has the backup of words that he needs to use to lure me. Alam na alam niya talaga kung paano ako kunin sa mga salitang binibitawan niya.

Hindi ko na talaga alam saan ilulugar sarili ko. Sa lugar ba na paniniwalaan na lahat ng ‘to ay isang panaginip lamang at hindi totoo. Na kailangan kong tatagan ang sarili ko, na kailangan kong maging matibay upang hindi mahulog sa mga salitang sinasabi niya. Na kailangan kong ingatan ang sarili ko para sa huli ay hindi ako masaktan.

O sa lugar kung saan hahayaan ko ang sarili kong lumubog sa mga pinaparamdam niya, sa mga sinasabi niya. Na hayaan ang sarili kong malunod sa sinasabi at pinaparamdam niyang pagmamahal. Kahit isang beses man ay hindi niya naparamdam sa akin na lahat ng ginagawa at pinapakita niya ay pinepeke niya, na puro kasinungalingan lang.

O baka masyado lang talaga akong baguhan sa ganito kaya hindi ko mawari ang totoo sa peke.

“So you now love that man, huh?” Alex asked before sipping to can of beer. Alex went to my apartment like a fool, a total wreck. Sa itsura niya pa lang ay alam kong may problema siya.

Kaya hindi na ako nag-alangan at niyaya siya sa kung saan niya gusto pumunta. Buti nalang ay dala niya ang kaniyang sasakyan nila. Dinala niya lang rin ako sa malapit na convenience store para bumili ng canned beer.

“Bakit pakiramdam ko napupunta sa akin ang usapan? Problema mo ang pinaguusapan natin dito, Alex!”

He chuckled humorlessly. “Yeah, my problem.” Yumukod siya sa lamesa, ang dalawang siko ay nakatukod sa lamesa habang kanang kamay ay hawak ang alak at ang kaliwa ay ang sigarilyo.

“My problem, huh? Fuck them!”

“Ano ba kasi ang nangyari? Kanina pa ako nagtatanong kung bakit ka napadpad sa akin ng ganiyan ang itsura mo. Care to share, Mr. Alfuente?”

“You know me, Riz. I’ve been a very obedient son to them, I did everything they wanted. I did my best to fit in their standard as a good and wise son. Wala akong ibang gusto at ginawa kundi gawin ang gusto nila at mapasaya sila.” He raised his head to look at me.

Kita ko sa mga mata niya ang lungkot, sakit at pagkabigo. Nakaramdam ako ng sakit para sa kaibigan ko, para sa lalaking nakasama ko sa paglaki. Nakasama at nakita ko siya kung paano maging sunod-sunuran sa magulang niya. Nakita ko kung paano niya sundin ng walang pag-aalinlangan ang mga gustong mangyari ng mga magulang niya.

Kilala ko rin ang magulang niya, kung paano ito bilang isang tao. At alam ko na lahat ng ginagawa nila ay para lang rin kay Alex. Na sa tingin nila ay ito ang tama at makakabuti para sa aking kaibigan. For that, I respected them. Pero sa itsura ng kaibigan ko ngayon, hindi ko alam kung ano ang titingnan ko. I suddenly wanted to ask this man to tell me all the details at once. But I also didn’t want to rush him as he was in pain.

“Alex,”

“Riz, I love her. I’m in love with her! She’s the only person who made me feel to be alive and be my own person. Not just a son to a parent but a man for myself. I wanted her to be my prize, I love her.” He cried. Sa pamamaraan niya ng pagbigkas ng bawat salita ay punong puno ng emosyon. Kitang kita ko ang sakit na bumabalatay sa kaniyang mga mata.

Ano kaya ang ginawa ng kaniyang magulang dahilan bakit naging ganito ang itsura nito ngayon?

“Now that they know about my love for her, they wanted me to stop and marry someone. Pakasalan ang taong hindi ko kilala. Hindi ko mahal! Bakit?” He continued, then it followed by a hurtful sobs.

Hindi ako makapagsalita. Gustuhin kong magsalita at magbigay ng pahayag ko ay hindi ko magawa. All I could do was to watch him burst his heart out, his pain. Hindi ko rin kasi talaga alam pa ang buo kaya pinili ko nalang na hindi magsalita.

“Tama na ‘yan, Alex.” Saway ko dahil pagkatapos niya tunggain ang isang bote ay ang isa naman ang binuksan at ininom niya.

“Please, Riz. Let me be, I’ll just make this pain go away.”

“Uuwi kapa, ihahatid mo pa ako kaya hindi ka pwedeng magpakalasing.”

Natawa siya, ngunit hindi pa rin natago ang lungkot nito. “I can drive us home, hmm. And no! Hindi ako uuwi, sa’yo muna ako makikitulog.”

At gano’n nga ang nangyari nung gabing ‘yon. Gusto ko man na pigilan siya at sabihin na hindi ako payag sa ideya niya na sa apartment siya makikitulog pero sa itsura at pamamaraan niya ng mga salita ay hindi ko na lang pinigilan. Isa pa ay naisip ko rin na kung uuwi pa siya sa kanila na gano’n ang estado niya ay baka mapahamak pa siya. Maging konsensya ko pa.

Kinabukasan ay maaga akong nagising kahit pa hindi ako masyadong nakatulog sa mga nalaman ko sa kaibigan. Sino ang mahal niya? Yung babae ba na sinasabi niya sa akin dati? O iba? At tila hindi gusto ng mga magulang niya ang babae na minamahal niya.

Isang matinding kaba ang naramdaman ko. Paano kaya kung ganun rin ang magulang ni Seth? Lalo na ang Mommy niya? Sa galit niya palang noon na nakita ko silang nagtatalo dito sa labas ng apartment. Sa mga salita na kaniyang binitawan ay alam kong hindi siya pabor sa relasyon na ganito.

Paano kung biglang ipakasal si Seth sa iba? Parang ang sakit, ang sakit sakit no’n.

Chapter 20

CHAPTER 20

Halos hindi na ako makapag-focus dahil sa mga bagay na narinig ko mula kay Alex. I never imagined seeing him that way, wasted and broken. Sa bawat oras na pinagmamasdan ko siya, may kakaibang sakit na tumatagos sa akin. My best friend, the man who was always there to guard and protect me, had turned into a boy who pushed himself hard just to be a man for me. Our relationship might not be just between best friends, it’s something beyond that.

The way his eyes looked at me showed how broken he was and how deep his feelings were for that person. Hindi ako sanay na ganito ko siya makita at makausap. Sanay ako sa mapaglarong Alex, masiyahin at malokong kaibigan. Hindi sa ganitong bersyon niyang umiiyak, wasak, at tila hindi alam kung ano ang gagawin o sasabihin.

Pinilig ko ang ulo ko. I want him to find peace and have the love he deserves. Alex, my best of friends, deserves that.

“Riz, sa table 8 itong matcha frappe at cinnamon roll,” Cleo instructed.

I nodded. Kinuha ko na rin ang order at lumabas galing sa kitchen. Hindi ko alam bakit ang bigat bigat ng dibdib ko. Kaninang umaga ko pa ito dala dala. Masyado ata akong naapektohan sa nangyari sa kaibigan ko kaya ganito. Nagaalala rin ako dahil pagkauwi niya kaninang umaga ay alam kong nandun pa rin ang dinadamdam niya.

Kahit na itago niya iyon sa ngiti, ang mata niya ay kailanman hindi makakapagsinungaling.

“Here’s your order, Ma’am. Thank you for waiting. Enjoy po.” Pag bati ko matapos kong mailapag ang inumin at tinapay na order niya. Ang mga mata ko ay nakatuon pa rin sa order na kakalapag pa lang.

“Thank you,” Tipid naman na sagot ng babae. Nang ibaling ko ang tingin ko sa kaniya ay nanlaki ang aking mata ng mapagtanto na siya ang babaeng kasama ni Seth sa labas ng munisipyo.

Maliit at bilugan ang kaniyang mukha, ang mga mata niyang matatalik kung makatingin at ang ilong niyang sobrang tangos. Kung nasa malayo ay masasabing maganda siya, ngayon na nasa malapitan ay mas mapapabigyan diin ko ang salitang maganda para sa kaniya.

Naka dress siyang sleeveless. Sa pamamaraan niya ng pagkakaupo ay sumisigaw na ng pagiging isang taong galing sa may kapangyarihan na pamilya.

“W-Welcome, Ma’am.”

Hindi ko inaasahan na pupunta siya rito. Not that I don’t want her here but it’s just so unexpected for her likes to be in this kind of place. Gosh! Masyado ko atang minamaliit ang shop namin. Riz! Baka nakakalimutan mo, hindi lang siya ang mayaman na pumupunta rito. Feel ko tuloy napaka sama kong empleyado sa shop na ‘to.

Ramdam ko ang tingin niyang pumupukol sa akin. Hindi ko nalang rin pinansin ang presensya niya kahit na ilang oras na ang lumipas at nandoon pa rin siya ay ramdam na ramdam ko ang talim na tingin na pinupukol niya sa akin.

“Mukhang artista yung customer na nasa table 8 ‘no?” Bulong ni Cleo, tumango lamang ako at tinuloy ang pag-aayos ng pera sa kaha.

Kahit hindi ko siya tapunan ng tingin ay ramdam ko ang parang paninimbang niya sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung may gusto siyang makitang reaksyon sa akin o may pagka chismoso lang talaga siya.

“Bakit parang may iba sa’yo ngayon? May problema ka nanaman ba?” Bigla niyang tanong ng hindi ko talaga siya tinapunan ng tingin.

Tumingin ako sa kaniya ng kunot ang noo. “Problema? Nanaman? Baliw ka ba? Parang sinabi mo naman na araw araw akong may problema!” Asik ko sa kaniya.

Gumuhit ang pagkaaliw sa kaniyang mukha. “Wala akong sinabi ha.”

“E, ayon yung pinaparating ng sinabi mo eh. Di ka lang nasagot ang kuryoso mo dahil may ginagawa ako.” umirap ako sa kaniya at binalik sa kaha ang tingin.

“Ganun ba? Sorry na, Miss.”

“Ewan!” Sagot ko bago natawa. Akala ko ay kukulitin niya pa ako ngunit nang tumunog ang chime pipe ay umalis na siya.

Hindi ko inangat muna ang aking mukha dahil hindi pa maayos ang mga barya sa kaha, ang naaayos ko palang ay ang mga papel na pera. I thought that the one who entered the shop was just a usual customer but when the woman on table 8 called the customer, doon napaangat ang tingin ko.

“Tita, dito po.” Malambing at medyo may kataasan na boses na tawag niya sa bagong dating. There she was, the woman who brought the man I love on earth. Taray!

Wearing a designer white floral dress paired with brown flat sandals, and holding a purse, siya’y nakababa ang itim na buhok at nakashade.

My heart pounds inside my chest. What an unexpected day it is. I thought that we would meet at that party but there she was, standing at table 8 with the woman who threw a sharp glance at me.

Gosh! Riz! Kumalma ka, hindi naman siguro niya alam ang kung anong namamagitan sa inyo ng anak niyang Mayor diba? So, you need to act normal, a customer and a server. Pero kung sinabi man ni Seth sa pamilya niya ang tungkol sa akin? No! Stop overthinking, calm the fuck down. Girl!

My hands are shaking while still holding a ton of coins, feel ko pinagpapawisan at natuod na ako sa kinakatayuan ko dahil sa nararamdaman ko. Bakit nga ba ako kinakabahan? I shouldn’t feel this way. Damn it.

I tried to put my focus on fixing the cash drawer but my mind was exploding with the thoughts poisoning my mind. Sa kakaisip nga ng mga bagay ay hindi ko napansin na nakatayo na pala ang dalawa sa harap ko, sa harap ng counter.

“Hello, Miss? Are you okay?” Napasinghap ako ng napgtantong masyado na pala akong nilalamon ng mga naiisip. Shit! I need to focus! Oras pa rin ng trabaho ko.

“Y-Yes, M-Ma’am. S-Sorry po.” Pag hingi ko ng dispensa. Pilit kong sinubukan na ‘wag ipahalata ang kaba ngunit bigo ako dahil pansin pa rin iyon sa pagkakasabi ko. My hands can’t stop shaking now, and my heart is pounding inside my chest like a wild beast.

She smiled at me sweetly, while the woman beside her rolled her eyes. The heck!

“No, it’s fine. Are you okay? You look pale, hija. Are you sick or not feeling well?” She asked concernedly.

I sighed, discreetly. “Yes po, Ma’am. Sorry about that, May I ask what’s your order po?” I asked back, trying to divert the topic down to the order. Gosh! Nakakahiya! Unang paghaharap namin ay ganito pa.

“Nah, it’s fine. Then, may I have your black coffee? Hot. No sugar, please.” She smiled again, her eyes staying on my face as if recognizing something familiar.

Sa tagal ko o sa ilang buwan kong nagtatrabaho dito. Ito na siguro ang pangalawang pagkakataon na kinabahan ako ng ganito. The shaking, the pounding, sweating. Girl! It was like I was being chased by a horror movie antagonist!

I smiled and nodded. “Sure po, anything else?”

“Uh… Do you have a nonsugar sliced cake? I would like to have one… Slice.” She pointed. She then glanced swiftly at our display cakes beside the counter and then looked back at me.

“We do have a nonsugar version of our three cakes, Ma’am. We have the cheese and nuts, chocolate fudge, and the carrot cake. Which one do you prefer, Ma’am?” I successfully suggested. I badly want to slap my face for being a fighter! Sobrang kaba ko ngunit nakaya ko pa rin.

I don’t know why I felt so tense facing her. Maybe because I witnessed how she became a person who was disgusted by us, how she spat homophobic remarks, or perhaps because she was the mother of the man I love. Love…

Hindi ba ganon rin naman? Siguro nga iyon ang dahilan, na kaya akong tensyonado dahil sa siya ang Ina ni Seth. Napapanood ko kasi sa plabas na ganito talaga, at nababasa ko rin sa mga libro na kapag nakakaharap mo ang magulang ng taong mahal mo, makakaramdam ka nalang talaga ng kakaibang kaba at tensyon.

Go girl! Convince yourself.

Buti nalang kamo ay hindi na sila nagtagal sa counter, they went back to the woman’s table and continued their chitchats. I swiftly punched in her order on our system before taking my break. Hindi ko kakayanin na pati ako ang maghahatid ng order niya sa table nila. Baka matapunan ko pa sila, nakakahiya naman na masyado iyon.

But the world wasn’t on my side today. Like, God, this isn’t what I expected my day to be. The chime pipe rang again, signaling that a new customer had entered the shop. Pumasok ang dalawang lalaking hindi ko inaasahan na makikita kong magkasama.
Seth and Sylas bombarded the place with their presence—Seth, wearing his usual clothes, and Sylas in a white button-down polo shirt. Nakalagay ang coat sa braso niya at naka-tucked in naman ang polo.

Mabilis na nagtagpo ang mga mata namin ni Seth. His face quickly changed from frowning to shining. His lips stretched widely while his eyes became lively.

Akmang didiretso na siya ng lakad ng biglang tawagin ng kapatid niya ang namataan na ang taong naka-upo ang sa table 8. Mabilis silang niyaya sa table ng magulang ni Seth.

Sylas nudged Seth whose eyes were locked at me, malambot at malambing niya akong tinitingnan na parang hindi napapansin ang kapatid niyang inaalog siya.

Sylas crawled his eyes where his brother was looking. Nang makita ako ay ngumiti siya sa akin. Nginuso niya pa ang kapatid na nasa kaniyang kaliwa.

Ngumiti ako pabalik kay Sylas bago ko ibaling ulit pabalik ang aking mga mata kay Seth. Seth’s face was undefinable. Alam ko ang tumatakbo sa utak niya. Gusto niyang dumiretso sa akin pero hindi niya kagawa dahil nandyan ang kaniyang Ina.

It’s fine, Love. I understand, you go to her first.

I tilted my head to the side and raised my brow. Sige na, Seth. Pumunta kana sa kanila, naiintindihan ko. Kahit halo halo na ang nararamdaman ko, wala ‘to.

“Go,” I mouthed.

He pouted his lips and frowned even more. I swayed my head to persuade him to go to his Mom. Ilang minuto pa siyang tumayo ro’n, akala ko ay hindi siya makikinig ngunit ng lumakad siya at pumunta sa table 8 ay nakahinga ako ng maluwag.

Pumasok na ako sa kitchen upang mapagpahinga. When my break ended, I returned to my post with the thoughts still lingering in my mind. Dumagdag pa ata ang babaeng ‘yon at ang Nanay niya na kasama silang dalawa.

Nang bumalik ako sa counter, nandoon pa rin sila. Seth was sitting beside the woman, and his brother, Sylas, was next to their mom. They were talking about something that my ear could not catch.

Tumawa ng mahinhin ang babae habang malamyos na hinahapas ang braso ni Seth. I looked at her hand. Siya kaya ang babaeng gusto ipakasal sa kaniya ng Nanay niya? Siya rin ba yung babaeng humalik kay Seth sa carpark.

It tugged my heart. Maganda yung babae, sexy, matangkad, mayaman. Halos lahat na ng katangian na hinahanap ng isang lalaking katulad niya ay na sakaniya na. The bitterness slowly born inside my core.

I have nothing but my pride, my dignity, and my heart. I don’t have the wealth, the family’s name, or the legacy to support his mighty name. Then why did he choose me? What does he see in me that he doesn’t see in her?

Ano ka ba, Riz? Bakit mo nanaman naiisip yan? You should be proud and sure, Seth loves you. He proved it, he showed it. It wasn’t right to think of his love for you.

Bumuntong hininga ako. Pinagmasdan ko pa ng ilang sandali ang babae bago ako nakaramdam ng isang tingin na nakakasunog at nakakatukok sa talim.

When I shifted my gaze at Seth, he was already looking at me with furrowed eyebrows. Nakatuon ang tingin niya sa akin, parang walang pakialam sa mga kasama niya sa mesa. It was as if he were deciphering an easy text in his favorite book. Nagbabasa ba siya?

Kumalabog ng sobra ang dibdib ko. Napansin niya ang pagiging ngarag ko? Halata ba ako masyado?

Nauna akong nag-iwas ng tingin. Hindi ko kaya ang bigat na tingin na kaniyang binibigay sa akin. Na para bang basang basa niya ang gumugulo sa utak ko. I tried really hard to gather myself and keep my senses back. It’s still my working hours, I need to be professional.

“Hi, beautiful Riz!” Sylas greeted me, malawak ang kaniyang ngiti na ginawad sa akin bago sumulyap sa mga cake.

“Hello, Sylas! What’s your order?”

He placed his hands on his chin, and hummed. “I’ll have my usual order for coffee then I’ll have your strawberry cream cake. A slice only.”

“Got it, po. Anything else?”

“For my brother, a cup—”

“Black coffee.” I cut him off. Mabilis na bumaling ang tingin niya sa akin. His eyes were now showing amusement.

Tumango siya nang dahan dahan.

A smile stifled on my lips. “No sugar. How about pastry?”

He locked his amused eyes on me. “No pastry for him.”

“Noted,” I quickly punched his order on my screen.

“Are you going with him to the party this Saturday?” He suddenly asked.

Mabilis ko siyang tiningnan at binalik rin agad ang mga mata sa monitor. “Hmm…”

“Is that a yes?”

Imbis na sagutin siya ay natawa nalang ako. Hindi ko nga alam kung pagiging bastos ba ang ginawa ko. E, hindi ko naman kasi masasabing close kami nitong kapatid niya. We talked, yes. But it is not guaranteed that we’re now close just because we talked for how many times.

Sylas was one of our regular customer, madalas siyang pumunta rito para mag-coffee. Minsan, may dala pa siyang laptop at dito siya gumagawa ng kanyang trabaho.

“You’re smiling, so you’ll come?” He confirming.

Umiling ako. Oo, payag akong pumunta ro’n pero na isip ko kasi na i-surprise siya. Na aakalain niyang hindi ako sasama pero makikita niya nalang akong nandoon. I want to be there for him if something is really important at that party.

Sumenyas akong lumapit siya. Hindi ko na alam kung tama pa ba talaga itong mga pinag gagagawa ko. Nasa oras pa ako ng trabaho ta’s ganito!

“Ano kasi… Hindi ko naman sinabi sa kanya na sasama ako, pero pupunta ako. Balak ko kasing surpresahin siya ro’n. Pero kasi… kakailanganin ko ng tulong mo.” bulong kong sagot.

I pulled myself together and handed him my hand to get his card for payment. Agad niya itong kinuha, tila normal lang sa amin.

Nang makuha ko ang card niya ay mabilis kong prinocess ang payment niya. I then looked at him, handed back his card, and anticipated his answer to my request. Hindi ko alam kung request ko ba iyon o demand.

“Okay, I’ll help you. I will not tell him about it as well, but let’s make it our secret. Kay?” He agreed. Ngumiti rin ako at tumango sa kaniya.

“What will be your secret?” matigas na tanong ni Seth sa gilid. Sabay-sabay kaming napalingon ni Sylas.

His jaw tightened, and there was a glimpse of accusation in his eyes as if we had done something wrong by not saying anything.

Tumawa si Sylas. “Yeah, bro. We just talked about something. Bilis mo naman sumulpot, si flash ka ba?” Pang-asar ng kapatid niya at mabilis na akbay sa kapatid.

Seth shrugged off his brother’s arm that was wrapped around his shoulder. He then threw a dagger’s looked at him.

“Fuck off! I’m not joking around, Sylas.” Matigas nitong sagot.

“Woah! Chill. Seryoso ka masyado! Wala kaming sikreto. Diba, Riz?” Sabay baling sa akin at kumindat.

Mabilis ko rin nakuha ang gusto niyang ipahiwatig.

“Uh. Oo! Wala kaming sikreto, umorder lang siya ng drinks niyo.” Pagpapalusot ko.

Seth’s eyes bore to me, it was like a blade piercing through my soul. Sa pamamaraan niyang ‘yon ay parang tinitingnan niya ba kung nagsisinungaling ako o hindi. Gosh! Don’t tell me he would notice that I was trying to cover his brother.

Ilang minuto niya akong tiningnan ng ganon bago siya bumuntong hininga at tumango.

“Aight.” Tumingin siya sa kapatid. “You cunt, go back to our table. I’ll talk to her.” Matigas nitong utos.

Tumawa ulit ang kapatid niya, tiningnan kami ng salitan bago umiling ng nakakalako. Sylas went back to their table, defeatedly. I don’t know yet who is the older between them. Maybe Seth, Maybe Sylas. Sa itsura kasi nila hindi mo makikita kung ano at sino ang mas matanda. Both of their looks were fine, and it was hard to say what’s their age based on their looks. Lalaking lalaki at pormadong pormado. Puwedeng akalain na sila ay mga 30’s or puwede naman akalain na binatilyo.

“How’s your day, Wife?” Malambing niyang tanong nang makatayo siya sa harapan ko, sa harap ng counter.

“Fine, good. E ikaw? Wala kang trabaho o tapos na?”

“I finished all the papers, napirmahan ko at yung iba naipasa ko na rin. Sekretarya ko na bahala sa iba.” Matigas niyang sagot.

“Okay.”

“May nangyari ba kanina?” Nag-aalala niyang tanong.

Kumunot noo ko.

“Huh? Wala naman, bakit?”

Hindi siya sumagot, tinitigan lang niya ako. The way he looked at me was as if he were weighing every reaction on my face. Lagi siyang ganun, parang madali niyang nababasa ang aking mga iniisip at kung ano ang bumabagabag sa akin.

“You sure?” malambing ngunit mababa niyang paninigurado.

“Yup, I’m fine. Don’t worry.”

He nodded.

“Good! I love you!”

Kumabog ang dibdib ko nang sinabi na nanaman niya ang tatlong salitang iyon. Na parang isang awtomatikong reaksyon na iyon ng puso ko sa tuwing sasabihin niya iyon sa akin.

Nakatayo at nakatingin lang ako sa kaniya, while he was looking at me, anticipating the raw emotiong flickering in my eyes which I hardly tried to hide. Gosh! I don’t know if I can’t still hold this back. Feel ko na kapag nagpatuloy pa ay talaga lulubog at malulunod na ako sa mga nararamdaman.

“Riz, naglunch kana?” Cleo suddenly appeared. I shifted my weight and looked at him.

“Hindi pa,”

Cleo looked at Seth and he smiled at him. “Good noon, Mayor. Umorder na po ba kayo?” Cleo greeted and asked Seth.

Napabalik ang tingin ko sa lalaki. He smiled sparingly while nodding his head. “Yeah, my wife already took my order.” He confidently announced. Ramdam ko ang pagbago ng presensya ko rito.

The space that the three of us were in suddenly began to change, kahit na hindi ko lingunin si Cleo. I know he was surprised about what Seth’s just said. Narinig ko rin ang pagsinghap niya.

“Uh… E-E, good naman po. M-May i-idadag pa po ba kayo sa order?”

He shook his head and smirked proudly. “None, I’ll just have a good talk with my wife.” He then shifted his eyes to me.

He winked.

Ramdam ko ang pinaghalong kaba, kilig at saya sa kaloob looban ko. Hindi ko na alintana na nandito sa loob ng shop ang Nanay niya. The way he proudly said the word Wife in front of Cleo, my manager, was just a surprise and unexpected. And to think Cleo has a mouth that runs every minute, I would not be surprised if I woke up tomorrow morning and my name was already tagged in an article.

But I think I’m judging him far enough, maybe Cleo might tell this to anyone. Maybe not. Sinabi lang naman ni Seth na Wife pero walang confirmation o sinabing kami. Gosh! Riz! Wag gan’to! You know Cleo, he might think that this crazy man right here just spitting a joke.

My shift ended with a lot of things thundering in my mind. The party, his mom, that woman, and what just happened with my best friend.

Seth stayed at the shop and waited for me, while his mom and his brother left after an hour. And the woman? Yes, she also stayed and clung to Seth like a stubborn piece of bubble gum on the wall.

Tuloy hindi ko alam kung ano na ang mararamdaman ko, kung ano na ang uunahin ko. Ang mainis ba? Mayamot o mabaliw sa mga naiisip. I was such an overthinker, I overthink a lot. Like a lot!

Kaya isang araw ko rin hindi pinansin si Seth. I don’t know how to handle this feeling. Naiinis ako na naiirita. Gusto kong sumabog na hindi ko maintindihan.

Why did I feel this? Yeah, yung babae kasing ‘yon ay kung makayapos sa braso ni Seth ay wagas, at ang mokong hindi man lang nag react. He was just letting her touch him every place she could.

Hindi ko alam ko ano ang mararamdaman ko.

“Are you mad, Wife?” Tanong ni Seth habang naka upo sa dulo ng aking kama dito sa loob ng kwarto. Oo, nasa kwarto ko ang mokong.

Hindi ko siya sinagot, imbes ay pinagpatuloy ko lang ang pagsusuklay. Kakatapos ko lang maligo at nakasuot na ako ng pantulog ko. I see his face in the mirror.

He groaned. “What did I do? Hmm… Why wouldn’t you talk to me?” ungot niya.

Hindi ko pa rin siya inimik. I felt an unwavering satisfaction from him. Hindi ko tuloy alam kung ipagpapatuloy ko pa ba itong nararamdaman kong inis o hindi.

Yet, I continue to wear my facade. May kung anong saya ang naramdaman ko ng ginulo niya ang buhok niya sa inis. Alam kong malapit na siyang mawalan ng pasensya. I rolled my eyes to fuel my act.

“Ah, hindi ka talaga magsasalita.” Matigas at pinal niyang banta. Napatili ako ng mabilisan siyang tumayo at binuhat ako mula sa pagkakaubo sa harap ng aking salamin sa lamesa.

With one hand snaking around my waist and the other around my legs, he carried me in a bridal style.

“You won’t talk to me, fine. I’ll just make that lovely lips of yours talk to mine,” he said.

My mind couldn’t process what happened next. His lips landed on mine, the warmth of his breath brushing against my face. His eyes closed; hindi siya gumagalaw, gumagalaw lang. Nakalapat lamang ang kanyang labi sa akin.

I froze. Tila akong isang hotdog na malambot ta’s pinasok sa fridge ng ilang oras.

My heart pounded so hard that all I could hear was its wild beat. Tila naging mute ang buong paligid. My eyes widened in shock. Kaya nang gumalaw na si Seth, tanging pagpidlat na lang ang aking nagawa.

Mabagal at maingat sa umpisa ngunit ng naramdaman niya ang pagsuko ko ay naging marahas na. Hindi ko alam kung paano at ano ang gagawin. I was just letting him devour me, he was like a lion having a feast of his prey, his meal of the night. And I was his meal, willingly to get eaten.

Chapter 21

CHAPTER 21

WARNING: R18+

Seth was kissing me while holding me tight on my waist and legs. He stood between the table with a built-in mirror and a single-size bed. My heart is pounding so hard inside my chest that it almost hurts.

The way he kissed me was intoxicating to the point that all I could think about right now was how I was able to keep up with the way he kissed me. Ang labi niyang nilalamon ang bawat sulok ng akin. Hindi ko na alam ang nangyayari dahil ang inaalala ko na lang ay mga halik niya.

A familiar perfume swayed on my nose. It was the same cheap perfume that I had been using since I was in high school. Pero hindi nang gagaling sa’kin ang pabango.

Napaungol ako nang kinagat niya ang pang-ibaba kong labi. When my mouth slightly opened, he inserted his tongue inside, as if it was his cue to take control. Bawat sulok, bawat pagkakataon ay kinuha niya. Our tongues snaked to each other like two snakes fighting. Dahil sa aming halikan ay tila tinatakasan na ako ng aking ulirat.

Ito ang unang beses kong maranasan ito. He had kissed me many times before, but this time was different! He kissed me differently that every time his lips moved on mine, there was like a new burning heat igniting inside of me. Napaka-init na para bang hindi ito kayang tanggalin ng pagligo lang.

Namumungay kong dinilat ang aking mata nang humiwalay ang labi niya sa akin. His eyes looked at me full of lust and love.

He licked his wet lower lip, and my intoxicated gaze followed. “W-We should stop, Wife.” His Adam’s apple moved. “I’ll put you on your bed.” Tila nahihirapan niyang desisyon.

Mariin niyang pinikit ang kaniyang mga mata na para bang problemado siya tungkol sa isang bagay.

My shoulder fell. Hindi ko alam pero tila ako nadismaya sa kaniyang sinabi. Na hindi ko inaasahan na titigil siya, sa pamamaraan palang ng halik niya ay hindi ko aakalain na titigil pa kami. I want more of his kisses, tila ako nauuhaw sa mga halik niya.

Gosh! Seth! What did you do to me?

“Why?” I asked, almost begging to have an immediate answer.

His jaw tightened. I bit my lip when I saw an unadulterated lust ignited in his eyes, but it was only for a moment. Mabilis napalitan ng pagpipigil at kung anong pagsusumamo sa kaniyang mata. Na para bang sinasabi niya na wag ko na siyang pilitin at hingan ng sagot.

I placed my hands on his hardened chest. He groaned lowly.

“Matulog kana,”

“Please?” Uminit ang pisngi ko dahil sa napagtanto. I did not intend to make it sound like I am so thirsty for his kisses, kahit na ganun naman ang aking nararamdaman.

Hindi ko na rin inalintana ang kakaibang init na lumukob sa aking kalooban, na pati ang mga bagay na gumugulo sa aking isipan kanina ay tila nawala na parang bula nang biglaan niya akong inatake at nilasing sa halik niya.

I meet his gaze. Palipat-lipat ang mata niya sa dalawa kong mata na tila may inaantay na lumabas doon. When he failed to see what he was looking for, he heaved a deep sigh and he put me down on my bed.

Dahan dahan at buong pag-iingat niya akong binaba. Hindi, Seth. Hindi tayo matatapos ngayon ng ganun ganun lang, ginising mo ‘ko sa makamundo mong mga halik, inuhaw mo ko at ngayon na uhaw na uhaw na ako ay iiwan moko. I swiftly wrapped my arms around his neck, stopping him from pulling himself up.

His eyes wandered around my face, with his brow furrowed. “Wife,” malambing ngunit may banta niyang sabi.

Umiling ako bilang sagot dahilan kung bakit mas lalong nagsalubong ang kaniyang kilay. Umigting rin ang panga niya na para bang mas lalong pinagtibay ang kaniyang sarili.

I pulled him closer, and the tip of his nose touched my right cheek. I felt his warm breath once again, burning my skin. Our lips almost touching.

Dumapo ang aking tingin sa kaniyang mapupulang labi.

“S-Saan ka pupunta?” Nalalasing kong tanong. Dahil sa lapit ng aming mukha at katawan ay mas lalong bumilis ang tibok ng aking puso, mas lalong bumigat ang aking dibdib na para bang mas pinapalakas nito ang kakaibang init ang dumadagan sa akin. I feel so different. I don’t know what he awakened inside me to make me feel this way.

He gulped. “I’m going home,” hirap na hirap at purong pagpipigil niyang sagot. Nakailang beses ko na rin nakita ang pag-iigting niya sa panga niya.

“N-No, stay here, sleep here.” I said, almost whispering.

He shook his head. “No,”

May kirot na dumagan sa aking dibdib, unti-unting nilulusaw ang init na kanina’y bumabalot sa akin.. Why did he quickly refuse me? It was not even a request but a decision I made for him.

My hand loosened around his neck. Maybe he didn’t like the way I kissed him back that’s why he no longer wants it. E hindi ako marunong kung paano humalik dahil wala naman akong karanasan sa mga ganito.

I felt my eyes slowly burning, but I was able to hold them back. Naiiyak ako dahil sa kababawan ko sa halik. “B-Bakit? Dahil hindi mo ba nagustuhan ang halik ko?” Hindi ko na alam kung ano ang nangyayari sakin, wala na akong paki sa mga nagaganap. Kusa nalang lumalabas sa aking bibig ang laman ng aking isip.

Ngayon lang, pagbibigyan ko ang sarili ko. Ngayon lang ay pababayaan ko ang sarili ko. Papakawalan ko ang kung ano man ang pilit kong pinipigilan. This was, I think, the right moment for this. I feel like if I do not let myself get loose, I will not have this chance again.

Seth pulled his body up. He was now sitting beside me, his right hand was beside my hips.

“What the? No!” He denied. Magkasalubong ang kaniyang kilay at problemado akong tiningnan.

I bit my lip, suppressing the upcoming surge of emotion within me. Feel ko maiiyak ako pag hindi ako nakakuha ng sagot mula sa kaniya.

“Then why?”

He groaned before standing up beside the bed. Hindi siya sumagot bagkos ay tumalikod siya sa akin at humarap sa pader. My heart completely sank in pain. Shit! I was right. I was right!

“Sige. Goodnight.” I said defeatedly.

I will not force him. He was disappointed by my kisses. I don’t have any experience with making out with someone. He was the first man who was able to feel me, to feel my lips. Siguro siya ay marami ng karanasan kaya naghahangad siya ng magaling, na makakasabay sa kaniya, ang makakapagpa—

I feel my chest tightened. Okay lang sa akin at naiintidihan mo.

I shifted my position against him. Nakatalikod na ako sa kaniya. Mabilis kong kinuha ang kumot na nakatiklop sa gilid ko at pinailalim ang katawan ko ro’n.

“Paki-lock nalang ng pinto paglabas mo. Salamat, matutulog nako.” I tried not to put the sadness within me in my tone. Kahit pa hirap na hirap na akong pigilan ang bigat at kirot sa aking dibdib.

I heard the door of my room click, and right at that moment, my tears fell like a waterfall. Heto pala ang pakiramdam na mabigo at tanggihan, ang bigat at ang sakit. A sob escaped my mouth. Gosh! Sakit!

“Fuck!”

Nanlaki ang mata mo sa gulat ng bigla ko marinig ang kaniyang boses. Nandito pa siya! Akala ko lumabas at umalis na siya. Mabilis na humarap ang katawan ko sa kanya at ganun na lamang ang pagkabog ng dibdib ko nang mabilisan niyang sinarado ang pagitan namin. His hand holds my shoulder as he pulls me up. His eyes frustratedly looking at me.

“Seth,” Tuluyan ng lumabas ang mga iyak sa aking bibig. Shit ka, Riz! Bakit ka ba umiiyak?!

Nang dahil lang sa halik niya ay iiyak ka ng parang bata? But I think it was not only about his kisses nor his refusal, it was also my overthinking about him and that woman, his mom, and my feelings. Alam ko na dahil ‘yon kung bakit umiiyak sa kaniyang harapan.

He wiped the tears that were continuously running down my cheeks.

“Shhh. Calm now, Wife.” Pag-alu niya sa akin.

I shook my head.

“Please, Wife. I’m sorry, okay. Stop crying, please.” He said pleadingly.

“Naiintindihan ko, Seth. Na dismayado ka at hindi mo nagustuhan ang pagsukli ko. Okay lang.” I removed his hand from my cheeks. Ako na ang nag-alis ng mga luha ko.

Nagsalubong ang kilay niya. “What? No, Wife! Damn it.”

Sumisinghot akong pinagmasdan siya. “E, bakit mo tinanggihan ang alok ko kung hindi dahil sa nadismaya ka?”

“I refuse to sleep here because I was holding myself back! Fuck! I like your kisses, your lips! I love them. God knows how I badly want to taste them savagely. But I was holding myself back!”

“Saan?”

“From taking you wholly!” He growled. Frustration was lingering in his eyes.

What. The. Fuck!

Riz! Ano ba yan! Mali ka! Hindi naman pala dahil sa dismayado siya.

“Natatakot ako na baka magtuloy tuloy at may mangyari sa ating dalawa. I don’t want to make you feel violated!” Puno ng pag-aalala niyang sabi.

My heart starts to pound again. All the emotions poisoning my core were all gone. It was like his words were the key to repel it from my core. He what? He was scared that I would feel violated if something happened between us if we had sex. Pero hindi niya ba alam na bumigay na ako, bigay na bigay na ako.

I freed myself from all of my inhibitions just for him, for the reason of this thundering heart.

“Pero paano kung gusto ko?” Those words suddenly slipped out of my mouth. Suminghap ako ngunit mabilis rin inayos ang sarili.

His eyes widened. He looked at me puzzled, it seemed like he was not completely digesting the whole point here. I’m good, I’m fine and I’m wholly giving my consent to him. Gusto ko nang dumapa nalang!

Ilang minuto niya akong tinitigan bago siya nagmura. Sa isang iglap, mabilis niyang inatake ang aking bibig. Mapupusok at nag-aalab na halik. Katulad kanina, sinasakop niya ang aking buong mukha. Ang makamundong init ay unti unting sumisiklab sa aking kalooban.

“Fuck! I love you!” He whispered, between our kisses. Nilalamon niya ako, ibang iba at sobrang layo ng pamamaraan niya ng paghalik sa akin kumpara kanina.

He bites my lip, his tongue exploring my mouth like he was on an expedition. Tanging ungol na lang ang nagagawa at ambag ko.

Naramdaman ko ang kamay niya sa aking beywang. He held my waist and gripped me like he was scared that I would run away. Humiwalay ang labi niya sa akin, dahan dahan itong gumapang papunta sa aking leeg at iyon na man ang kaniyang hinalikan. Napapaungol ako sa bawat pagkagat at pagsisip niya sa sensitibong parte.

Naramdaman kong tumigil siya, I opened my eyes and tried to peek at him. Ngunit dahil sa pagbaon niya ng mukha niya sa leeg ko ay bigo ako makita ang reaksyon.

“No turning back now, Wife. After this night, you’ll officially be mine.” He whispered. Hindi na ako nakasagot pa nang marahas niyang hinawakan ang leeg ko, he pulled his head out of my neck.

Nalulunod sa pagnanasa niya akong tiningnan. “You love me? Hmmm,” He asked.

My heart thundered twice, sobrang bilis nito na para bang lalabas na ito sa dibdib ko. Oo, Seth. Mahal kita, mahal na kita matagal na. Hindi ko alam kung kailan nag-umpisa pero sigurado akong mahal kita.

I nodded my head slowly. Dahil sa aking ginawa ay mas tumindi ang emosyon sa kaniyang mata. Umigting ang kaniyang panga bago magmura.

“Putangina! Wala na akong pakialam sa kung ano ang totoo sa pagkatao mo! Akin ka, akin ka.” He crazily growled. Sa sobrang tindi ng aking nararamdaman ay wala na akong naging oras pa para intindihin ang kaniya sinabi.

Muli niyang inatake ng halik ang aking labi. Sobrang bilis at tila hayok na hayok. His hand still choking me, not tight enough to make me lose my ability to breathe. Pinulupot ko ang aking kamay sa kaniyang leeg at hinila siya mas mapadiin ang aking paghahalik. Wala ng ibang pumapasok sa isip ko kundi ang ginagawa namin. Ang sensasyon na hatid ng paghahalikan namin.

I felt his left hand slowly slid inside my shirt. Nang tumama ang daliri niya sa ibaba ng kayaman ko, kakaibang kuryente ang dumaloy sa buong katawan ko. The fire of lust in my body intensified that even pouring a bucket of ice would not be able to repel it.

“Uhm…”

“Mahal kita, Riz.” Bulong niya.

Hindi ko na pinansin ‘yon. My body stiffened when his hand gripped my chest. Pinaghalong kiliti at kirot ang dumaloy sa buong katawan ko. Hindi ko na masuklian ang kaniyang paghalik dahil sa sarap na nararamdaman dahil sa paglamas niya sa aking kabundokan. Dahil sa kaniyang ginagawa ay ramdam ko ang paninigas ng aking utong.

He removed his right hand from my neck. Ganun din ang kaliwang kamay sa aking malulusog na dibdib. Pinanood ko siyang tanggalin lahat ng saplot niya, simula sa suot niya polo shirt hanggang sa suot niyang maong pants.

Ilang sandali pa ay nakita ko nalang ang suot kong pajama shirt na nakabukas na, my hardened mounds were openly displayed in front of him.

Mas tumindi ang pagnanasa at init sa kaniyang mga mata.

“Fucking fuck!” Isang mura ang pinakawalan niya bago sinunggaban at nilamon ang aking pagkadalaga. He’s devouring my chest like an infant baby who was neglected for milk for the whole week.

Nang magsawa ay bumalik siya sa aking bibig upang patakan ako ng isang halik. He then climbs and stands on the bed like a king.

Ang mga mata kong naka tutok sa kaniyang mukha ay unti-unting bumaba sa kaniyang matitigas na dibdib, papunta sa kaniyang malulusog na pandesal hanggang sa mapadpad ito sa kaniyang pinagmamalaking kahabaan.

The moment my eyes landed on his proud member pointing at me, I feel an unknown fear. Shit! Sa sobrang pagka-baliw mo, magiging kwento ka ngayon. Kaya ko ba yan? Ang taba at ang haba.

“Give me a head, Wife.” He said in full authority. Madilim niya akong dinungaw.

Napalunok ako. Kasya ba? Kakayanin ko ba kahit na hindi pa ako nakakaranas ng ganito. I should have asked Jenny what she was doing in this kind of situation.

“S-Seth, hindi ko ata kaya.” Nag-aalinlangan ko sabi.

Umiling siya. “You can do it, Wife. I have faith in you.” the brute just nods his head twice. There was a devilish smirk on his lips.

Hindi ko alam kung sinabi niya ba iyon para palakasin ang loob ko o dahil lang ay inuuto niya ako. Alin man doon ay hindi ko na inintindi at sinimulan ko nang isubo ang pagkalalaki niya.

The moment my mouth touched the head of his member, Seth moaned. Kakaiba ang lasa na aking natikman ng may malagkit na dumampi sa aking labi. Nang matagumpay kong napasok ang ulo nito sa aking bibig ay agad kong sinimulang igalaw ang aking ulo.

Sa aking ginawa ay sunod sunod din ang ungol at mura na pinapakawalan ni Seth. Nagpatuloy lang ako sa aking ginagawa. He was moaning, which means he was pleasured by me. Fuck! Riz! You’re still doing great, huh?

Ilang minuto na ganun ang nangyayari. Nagtataka kong sinulyapan si Seth ng tinulak niya ang aking ulo papalayo sa kaniyang kahabaan.

“Higa,”

Para akong isang manikang de-susi na sumunod sa kaniyang sinabi. Grabe ang pagkalabog ng aking dibdib, sumasabay pa ang halo halong sensasyon na aking nararamdaman dahil sa nangyayari.

When I successfully lay down my body on my bed, he positioned himself on top of me, his hand slowly finding my pants and pulling it down. Ngunit nang biglang sumampal sa akin ang katatahonan na mayroon pa rin akong sumpa ni adan sa pagitan ng akin binti ay pinigalan ko siya. Ngunit imbis na magtaka ang lalaki ay ngumisi lang ito sa akin na para bang nakukuha niya ang aking ibigsabihin.

“You don’t need to be conscious about the thing between your legs, it doesn’t matter to me. I love all of you, and when I say that it means I love the whole of you even your imperfections.” Saad niya, isang halik ang kaniyang ginawad sa aking labi, sa aking magkabilang pisngi at sa aking noo.

Hindi ko alam kung ginawa niya lang ba ‘yon para makuha ang atensyon ko para hindi mapansin na naibaba niya na ang aking suot pajama. I feel the cold wind from the electric fan blowing through my skin. But the scorching flame of lust was surging through our body and I didn’t have enough time to think!

Nararamdaman ko ang pagtusok ng tigas na tigas niyang ari sa aking tyan, ang mata ni Seth nagnanasa akong tiningnan. Bukod pa ro’n ay may iba’t iba at halo halong emosyon pa ang lumabas sa kaniyang mga mata. I never thought this would happen between us. This is not in my mind but what could I do? I want this to happen, I pushed him to his limit, I almost begged for it. And now that it is happening, I don’t have anything to do but surrender to our feelings.

“I want to feel you raw. Is that okay with you? Wala akong condom na dala, Wife.” Pag-hingi niya ng abiso.

Tumango ako bago siya siniil ng halik. Sobra na ata akong lasing na lasing sa kaniyang labi, sa kaniyang katawan para maging ganito ako. Para akong baliw na wala sa sariling katinoan, ang nasa isip ko nalang ay ang kakaibang sarap at saya na aking nararamdaman.

And the fact that he declared earlier that after this after we had sex. We’re officially removing the boundaries between us, that we are now bound to each other’s commitment. And that includes the relationship.

“It will hurt, hmmm. I’ll try to be gentle. I love you!”

Ipinarte niya ang dalawa kong binti pa bukaka, he then placed one of my legs on his forearm, anchoring it like a hook. I feel the tip of his manhood on my entrance, poking it gently. Tila sinusubukan niya ba kung talagang kakayanin ng butas ko.

Gosh! Feel ko magiging kwento ako. Ulo pa lang ng ari niya ay parang hindi na kakasya sa butas ng anes ko. This is the first time, he will finally conquer my treasured cave.

Napakagat ako sa braso niya nang tuluyan na niyang ibinaon ang pagkalalaki niya sa akin. I felt something inside of me was being torn apart. I heard his curses, he planted a soft and tender kiss on my lips before starting to move his hips. Niyakap ko siya ng tuluyan at ibinaon ang aking mukha sa kaniyang leeg. Napahikbi ako ng mas lalong lumakas ang kirot na aking nararamdan.

“Fuck! You’re so tight!” Sa tono ng pagkakasabi niya ro’n ay para bang nasasaktan siya’t nahihirapan.

“Relax, Wife. You’re squeezing me so much that it hurts.”

“S-Sorry,” Hikbi ko.

“It’s fine. Just relax, let your warm and tight hole get used to my size.”

“P-Paano? Ang sakit niya, Seth. Para akong hinahati.” Inalis ko ang pagkakabaon ng aking ulo sa kaniyang leeg at tiningnan siya sa mukha.

Bumalatay ang takot at pag-aalala sa kaniyang mukha nang makita niya ang aking namamasang mukha. Sobrang sakit talaga, na para bang pinaghihiwalay ang aking katawan sa gitna. Hindi ko inaakala na ganito pala kasakit ito, lalo na pag unang beses pa lamang.

“Should I stop, Riz? Tell me if you want me to stop then I will stop.”

Mabilis at sunod sunod akong umiling. Hindi na ako puwedeng umurong kahit pa kakaibang sakit ang aking nararamdaman. No longer the warm and heavenly sensation that I felt, it was quickly replaced by the pain when he entered me.

“Fuck!” I saw his eyes flickered with pure lust, his face became dark while he started to pound me hard and harshly.

My answer was like a denator for his bomb of lust to fully explode in him, to finally set himself free from holding back. He was pounding me so hard that all I could hear was our moan and the sound of our colliding bodies. Ang kaninang sakit ngayon ay parang isang bula na nawala. Kakaibang sarap ngayon ang aking nararamdam nang patuloy siyang bumabayo. Sunod sunod ang pagpapakawala niya ng mura nang makitta niya kung paano lamunan ng kakaibang sarap ang aking mukha.

His dick ravaged me inside, and every time pound his hips hard there was an unknown heavenly sensation. Kada ulos at pang gigil niya ay may kung anong natatamaan sa loob ko.

My  eyes dilated. Gosh! This was so good! I never thought that sex would be this fucking good! Wala na akong pakialam kung makita niya ako ng buo—hubo’t hubas. Wala na akong pakialam kung makita niya aking tila nababaliw dahil sa hindi ko na mapigilan ang sarap na lamunin ako.

He groaned erotically. “Fuck! Do you like how I pound your tight cunt? Yeah! Sobrang sikip at sarap mo!” He dirty talked. Bakas ang pagkasarap at pang gigigil niya sa akin.

Gosh! This man was a demon in disguise. From his beautiful handsome face to his god-like body, to his big, long dick. Kung nandito lang ang kaibigan ko sigurado akong mababaliw na iyon sa kakatili. No way! No one would ever see us having sex!

Seth instantly changed our position. Hindi ako napagahanda ng bigla niyang hinugot ang kaniyang alaga sa akin. He then flips my body against him, I am now lying face down on the bed. My head was looking beside me. Nakadapa na ako at wala ng iba pang nakikita. Seth lifted my hips, tuwad at ang pempem ko ay malinaw na niyang nakikita.

Narinig ko ang paghalakhak niya sabay sa paghampas niya sa pisngi ng pwet ko. I feel a sharp pain in my butt cheeks in the exact place where he slapped me there.

“What a beautiful sight, Wife. My plan was to marry you first before making love with you but that’s fine. I’ll make love to you until you say yes to me and get married.” He declared in joy. I tried to have a peek at our position but I failed. Hindi ko masilip ang kniyang itsura.

Isang matunog na dura ang kaniyang ginawa bago marahas na pinasok ang kalalakihan niya sa akin. He pinned me down from behind while thrusting, one of his arms wrapped around me while I could feel his face against my left ear. He whispered something but my mind was dazed because of the sensation and pleasure I was feeling.

“Ah… Oh..”

“Sige, Riz. Moan it, moan my name. Show me how my dick makes you crazy!” He said proudly.

Shit! Alam niya na nababaliw ako sa ginagawa niya, sa bawat marahas niyang ulos ay nagpapadala sa isip ko sa ibang mundo. I think I’m getting crazy! Sobrang maalam siya sa gagawin!

My room was filled with our moans and cries. The atmosphere inside was magically mixed with our emotions and feelings. The lovemaking was so intense that I no longer cared if my neighbors heard us.

“Seth!” I cried as I felt something gash out from my unwanted genitalia. Hindi ko na nabigyan ng panahon intindihin kung ano yun dahil sa sunod na ulos ni Seth.

Puno ng gigil, rahas na parang may gusto siyang patunayan.

Sunod sunod at marahas bago ko maramdaman ang paninigas niya at ng kaniyang ari. Sunod no’n ay may naramdaman akong sumabog na kung anong mainit na likido sa kaloob-looban ko.

“Ugh!”

“Fuuuuuuck!”

Ibinagsak niya ang kaniyang sarili sa akin, dinadagan ako na para akong isang unan. Ilang minuto siya ganun. I just let him as I could hear him gasping for breath from our intense sex. Besides, I didn’t have enough strength to speak or complain.

Ilang sandali ay ibinagsak niya ang sarili sa gilid ko, hindi ko na alam kung paano niya naipagkasya ang katawan namin dalawa sa kama. All I want right now is to sleep and rest. I’m fucking tired, I am no longer able to feel anything. Sobrang pagod ay tila akong bugbog na gulay. Hindi ko nalamh alam kung makakalakad paba ako nito bukas.

May kung ano siyang sinabi ngunit hindi ko na narinig pa dahil sa nilamon na ako ng pagod at antok.

“Akin ka lang. Akin ka! No more boys, only me. You’re mine. And anyone who dared to get you away from me will face hell.”

Chapter 22

CHAPTER 22

Sa sobrang tindi ng nangyari kagabi, hindi ko na kinaya at agad na akong kinain ng antok. Hindi ko na nga naintindihan ang pinagsasabi ni Seth.

Nagising ako kinaumagahn na para akong isang lantang gulay. I was like a paralyzed patient. I almost couldn’t move my legs, as it was so heavy. Ramdam ko rin ang sakit ng katawan ko na para bang binugbog ako ng mga tambay sa kanto.

Naginit ang pisngi ko ng maalala ang nagyari kagabi.

We did it, we had sex. And I was the reason why it happened, I pushed him to his limit as all he did was to hold himself back. Gosh! Hindi na ba umeepekto sa akin ang male blocker ko kaya ganun na lamang ang pag iinit ng katawan ko sa mga kilos niya, sa halik niya. Kailangan ko na ata mag check up sa endocrinologist para malaman kung ano na ang tamang dosage sa akin.

Pagdilat ng mga mata ko, ang mga itim niyang mata ang sumalubong sa akin. His face was glowing and shining. Dagdag mo pa ang liwanag ng araw na tumatama sa kaniyang mukha. Gosh! Ang pogi! Napaka guwapo.

Akin ‘to lahat?

“Good morning, Wife. How was your sleep?” he said in his bedroom voice. The way his deep voice surged through my skin sent me shivering down my spine.

Ngumuso ako. “I slept well. Though, I can’t feel my body. Anong ginawa mo sa akin?!” nguso ko.

He chuckled heartily. “Nothing, I just gave you what you wanted.” He pulled me closer to him. Napapikit ako nang patakan niya ng halik ang aking labi at ang aking pisngi.

“Hmmm, my wife smell so sweet.”

I pushed him by his chest. Doon ko lang napagtanto na wala siyang suot pang itaas. Nag-init na naman ang pisngi ko. I felt his hardened chest, and every line of it was sending me a different kind of feeling. Para akong kinikilig na naiihi na hindi ko mawari. Bakit ba kasi siya nakahubad?

Wait. So if he was naked underneath the blanket, does it mean I was too?

Madali kong sinilip ang aking sarili, nang makumpirma na nakasuot ako ng damit ay nagbigay sa akin ng ginhawas sa dibdib. I thought I was still naked, as in fully naked. Hindi ko na alam kung ano pa ang mararamdaman ko nito. Gosh!

I slowly crawled my eyes to his body. Nang dumapo ro’n ang aking mata at nakumpirma na wala siyang suot na kahit ano ay ganun na lamang ang pamumula at mas lalong pag-init ng aking pisngi!

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

He was still barely naked, with no clothes at all, even trying to wear a boxer hindi niya ginawa. This man was so bold!

“Enjoying what you are seeing, Wife?” He said proudly. The way he utters every word doesn’t sound like a question, rather it sounds like he was sure about it.

This man is playing with me! Napaka-duga dahil alam niyang naaakit ako sa katawan niya, sa mga ginagawa niya. For him, it was all easy to understand me, to read me. Hindi ko alam kung ako ba ang problema o talaga magaling lang siyang magbasa ng isip ng tao.

My cheeks burned. “Anong enjoy? Feelingero ka masyado! Tiningnan ko lang kung may suot pa ba akong damit dahil baka mamaya ay umisa kapa!” Singhal ko. Bumangalngal siya ng tawa dahil sa sinabi ko. His voice echoed in the four corners of my room.

I stared at him. Hindi pa rin talaga ako makapaniwala na ako ang gusto niya, na ako ang napili niyang mahalin.

Wait! He said last night that we were now in a relationship, so kami na. Shit!

My heart seems to become light because of his laughter. Na para bang ang gaan gaan ng buhay pag naririnig ko ang baritono niyang tawa. I don’t know yet if it is just me falling for him hard or if it was just his normal effect not only on me but on everyone.

He pulled me closer again, hindi ako nakapaghanda sa kaniyang ginawa dahil sa pagtitig. I bumped into his hardened chest, my face was buried in between his chest. Inamoy amoy niya ang aking buhok.

“I love you, Wife, ” he whispered heartily. His hug became tight, as if I were some kind of gem that would be taken away from him.

At that moment, I felt that I was in my safe place. In his arms, I was at peace, and I knew that everything would be okay, easy, and not a problem for us.

The way he holds me radiates a scorching flame of security, love, and affection. The calmness it gives to me, the effect that I am not even aware of in the first place.

Slowly, my hand finds its way to his. Hugging him back, trying to give back the same feelings. Gusto ko nalang na manatili kami sa ganitong posisyon, na para bang mas gusto ko pang humiga buong araw kasama siya. But I know we shouldn’t stay that long.

He pulled himself from the tight hug. He looked at my face softly. Sinikop niya ang mga tikwas ng aking mga buhok sa aking mukha.

“You’re mine now, Wife. The moment our body collides along with the flame from our hearts, we’ve already made this officially.” He reminded. Sa bawat paglabas ng salita na iyon sa kaniyang bibig ay parang walang iba pang makakabali do’n.

I nodded my head while I closed my eyes. Para ipakita sa kaniya na sang-ayon ako sa kaniyang sinabi. Alam ko naman na wala na akong kawala at hindi na ako makakatakbo pa. Besides, I no longer want to keep these feelings from him. Tyaka parang sarili ko lang rin naman ang niloloko ko rito.

Seth was always true to himself, what his feelings were and he wasn’t scared to show it to everyone. He wasn’t even hiding his feelings, his emotions and it was always showing in his eyes.

His eyes slowly looked at my lips. Nang mapapadpad ang tingin niya ro’n ay napalunok siya. “Can I kiss you?” He asked, the way his eyes looked at me was like a dog asking for permission from his owner.

Like? Now kapa nagpaalam sa akin kung kailan na tayo na. Samantalang nung wala pa tayong label ay panay nakaw ka sa akin ng halik.

I raised a brow at him. “Really, Mr. Del Prado? Talagang ngayon ka lang nagpaalam, e panay ka nga nakaw ng halik sa akin noon.” I snarled at him playfully.

He chuckled. ” Oh! Didn’t I ask you for your permission before? I’m so sorry, Wife.” He then kissed me tenderly. Marahan niyang hinalikan ang aking labi na mabilis ko naman na tinigunan.

Seth shifted his body and positioned himself above mine. My hands automatically wrapped around his neck. Nang naging marahas ang kaniyang halik ay napaungol ako, hindi ko inaasahan na papalalimin niya ang aming halikan dahil ang buong akala ko lang yan saglit at mababaw lamang. But I forgot that my boyfriend was a monster, a calloused man. This is what makes me crazy about him and I am drawn to him.

When Seth pulled himself back, nahihingal siyang tiningnan. Halo halong emosyon ang lumalangoy sa kaniyang mata ngunit ang mas nangingibabaw ro’n ay ang pagnanasa na unting unting lumiliyab sa kaniya. Umaga palang at ganito na agad kami, paano pa kaya kung magkasama na kami talaga sa iisang bubong? Edi inaraw araw niya akong…

Naginit ang pisngi ko dahil sa kahalayan na aking naiisip. Gosh! Riz, kakatapos niyo lang iyon gawin kagabi. Ni hindi mo na nga magalaw ang katawan mo dahil sa pagod tapos naiisip mo pa kayang aaraw-arawin ka? Burol ang aabutin mo!

My breath hitched when Seth scooped my breast. Kasunod no’n ang pagsunggab niya ulit sa aking labi para mahalikan. A fire of lust ignited within my body when his index and middle fingers fidgeted my hardened mound. Hindi ko alam na sa ganun paraan ako malilibugan, never in my life have I tried to touch my own body. Kahit nga ang pagbabayis ay hindi ko naranasan at nasubukan dahil sa masyado kong inaayawan ang aking kaselanan. I was born with the male’s body but I grew up dreaming that this wasn’t what I had. Dahil simula nang magkaroon ako ng muwang at pag-iisip alam ko na sa aking sarili ang kung ano talaga ako.

Seth’s kiss traveled down to my neck, then to my collarbone. I moaned when he bit me on my sensitive spot. Ang kamay niyang nasa aking dibdib ay malayang pinipisil at pinaglalaruan ang aking suso.

“S-Seth,” I said between the sensation, I never thought I would sound like a slut seducing his prey.

“Yes, Wife?”

“Please,”

Natigil siya sa kaniyang ginagawang paglamon sa aking leeg at umahon mula sa pagkakasubsob ro’n. He then looked at me drunkenly, his eyes tinged with unadulterated lust that sent a new flame of excitement down my spine.

He gulped. ” Please, what?” He teased, his hand stopped from squeezing my left boob. Imbes ay bumabasa ito papunta sa aking beywang at marahan iyong hinahaplos.

Alam na alam nitong lalaking ‘to kung papaano ako aasarin at pasiklabin. Simula sa mga nakakahumaling niyang itsura, sa nakakalasing niyang halik at ngayon naman ay ang nakakataas balahibo niyang mga haplos. It was as if he was made for this, to make me feel this way.

Hindi ako nakasagaot bagkos ay isang napakalambot at napakababang ungol ang aking napakawalan dahil sa kakaibang sensasyon ng kaniyang mga haplos. Nang hindi nakuha ni Seth ang sagot na kaniyang inaabangan ay muli niyang binaon ang kaniyang mukha sa aking leeg at gigil niya akong kinagat ro’n.

“Fuck!”

Everything was making me so lost, drunk, and crazy. The next thing I knew was Seth was now pounding me so hard and fast. Hindi ko na alam kung paano kabilis nagbago ang posisyon namin, kung paano niya ako nakuha at muling may mangyari sa amin. Hindi ko na nga naisip na baka namamaga na ang pempem ko dahil sa lala at rahas na nangyari kagabi. Isa lang ang nasa isip ko ngayon iyon ay ang sarap at kakaibang kiliti na hatid ng bawat bayo niya sa akin. Akala ko ay hindi niya ako pang-gigigilan, na hahayaan niya muna akong makaraos sa pakiramdam ko sa aking katawan. But I was wrong! This man is insatiable. I think he could fuck me all day but still have the energy to do it until I pass out.

“Oh… Ugh… Seth.”

“So fucking tight! Napaka sikip pa rin kahit na nilamog na kita kagabi.” gigil niyang sabi habang binabayo niya ako mula sa taas. Nakadagan na siya sa akin habang ang aking dalawang paa ay nakaangkla sa kaniyang balikat.

Kita ko ang pamumula ng kaniyang leeg at paglabas ng mga ugat ro’n. Hinalikan niya ako sa aking baba, sa aking labi at sa magkabilang pisngi. Isang malakas ang ungol na aking pinakawalan nang bigla niya akong binayo ng napaka lakas, tumama ang kaniyang ari sa pinakadulo ng aking pempem. Pakiramdam ko ay may para siyang gustong maabot sa kaloob-looban ko.

“Oh my gosh!” I moaned between the heavenly sensation as he plunged his dick deeper inside of me.

Seth’s pace fastened and he started to pound me real hard. Nagpapakawala na rin siya ng mura at nang kung ano pang mga salita na hindi ko na maintindihan. Nang biglang manigas si Seth ay alam ko na naabot na niya ang sukdulan at muli niya akong pinuno ng kaniyang mga katas.

Hinihingal ko siyang pinagmasdan ng makabawi ako sa lahat ng nangyare. There’s a satisfied smile plastered on his lips when my eyes bore at him. I badly want to roll my eyes at him because of what he did to me, ngunit para saan pa? Nagusutuhan ko naman.

“Wow! Ganda ng umagahan natin ah. Sex!” I sarcastically said to him. Pagod pa akong humihinga, pilit na bumabawi sa pagod na dulot ng aming ginawa.

Seth giggled before burying his face on my neck. He sniffed my skin there before pulling his face away.

“I’m so sorry, Wife. You’re so seductive, and to correct what we did. It is lovemaking, not sex.” He brushed my hair, giving me a tickling sensation.

Kagabi pa siya sa lovemaking na ‘yan. Ano ba ang pinagkaiba ng dalawang ‘yon? Parehas lang naman ng ginagawa. And why does it sound so big deal to him?

I pouted my lips. “Ganun rin naman ‘yon.”

“No! It’s not.”

“Edi hindi. Teka nga! Wala ka bang pasok ngayon?”

He kissed my lips. I groaned. “Wala akong pasok. All my meetings including the upcoming community projects are all done.” He answered.

“Ah, ganun? So wag mong sabihin na nandito ka buong araw.” Pag aakusa ko sa kaniya. Tumawa lamang ang baliw bago niya iahon ang sarili mula sa pagkakadagan sa akin.

The moment his dick pulled out from my hole, I felt something gushing out of it. Gosh! I know what it is.

We did it raw, twice! Hindi kaya ay magkasakit ako neto? OMG!

“What do you want for breakfast? I’ll just tell my men to buy it for us.” He asked when he finally calmed himself beside me. Nakatagilid niya akong tininginan. Nakatukod ang kaniyang braso sa unsn habang nakapatong ang kaniyang ulo sa kaniyang kamay.

From here, I was able to have a peek at his underarm. Mabuhok iyon at makinis. Gosh! Sobrang latina naman. Chariz!

“Wag kana magpabili, magluluto nalang ako ng sinangag diyan.”

“Okay, if that’s what you want.” He surrendered. Hindi siya umalma at tinitigan nalang ako.

Hindi ako makatingin sakaniya ng diretso, sa pamamaraan kasi ng tingin niya ay parang may kung ano siyang ginagawa, iniisip o pinaplano. Hindi ko na alam!

Pilit kong itinayo ang aking sarili ngunit ng maramadaman ko ang kakaibak kirot sa pempem ko ay napaigik ako. Seth was so alarmed by my sudden move that he raised his body too.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“Nagtatanong ka pa! E ikaw naman may kasalanan. Ang sakit ng pempem ko!” Asik ko sa kaniya.

Nalukot ang kaniyang mukha. “What?! Pempem? What’s that?” Tanong nito. Hindi ko alam kung inaasar niya ba ako o talagang wala siyang ideya sa nga salitaan ko.

“Pwerta! Pwet. Pempem ko! Yung binarurut mo.”

A wicked smile formed on his lips. “Ah. Well, my apology. I can’t help but to pound you hard. Sobrang sikip mo kasi.” He said teasingly.

“Naman,” Sagot ko bago pilit na itinayo ang aking sarili upang makapag ayos.

Wala naman an akong nagawa nang hindi talaga siya lumubay sa akin. This man became more clingy than ever. Kahit pa nung habang nagluluto ako ay pabalik balik siya sa pagyakap sa akin mula sa likuran, kung hindi nga lang siya tinadtad at sunod sunod nakatanggap ng tawag ay baka nag mala tarsier na siya sa akin.

Kinabukasan, araw ng biyernes ay napag-usapan namin ni Jenny na pumunta sa isang mall. I also told Seth about this since he reminds me to tell him what and where we are going. May pasok siya sa munisipyo ngayon at may mga bagay rin raw siyang kailangan na gawin sa kompanya nila. Gusto pa nga ng lalaki na sumama at h’wag nalang raw siyang pumasok.

But I told him to be there since it was his duty as the Mayor and also his presence in that meeting was badly needed. Nakakapagtaka nga lang dahil sinabi niya sa akin na tinapos na niya ang mga meeting niya kahit pa ang mga project na kailangan mapirmahan ay mapirmahan.

“So kayo na nga, Ate?” Tanong ni Jenny habang tinitingnan ang mga damit na nakahilera sa aming harapan.

Nandito kami sa isang Mall hindi kalayuan lang rin. Bigla kasing sumulpot ang babae habang naglilinis ako kanina sa apartment ko, akala ko ay tatambay lang siya sa bahay pero hindi pala. Gusto niya lang akong ayain na lumabas at magliwaliw. Kapansin-pansin rin kasi sa kaniyang mata na may problema siya kaya hindi ko na tinanggihan. Ganito naman palagi ito si Jenny na sa tuwing may problema o kaya naman ay labis na may kasiyahan sa kaniyang katawan ay panay ang aya sa akin sa kung saan. Hindi na rin ako magtataka kung mamaya ay mag-aya itong uminom.

Pinagmamasdan ko lang siya sa kaniyang ginagawa. Hindi ako kumibo o hindi rin ako nagsalita. Nang mapansin niya ay binalik niya ang hawak na damit at tumayo bago ako balingan ng tingin.

“Huy! Tinatanong kita kung kayo naba. Ba’t di ka nasagot?” Tanong nito. Ngumiti lang ako sakaniya bago tumango na siyang naging dahilan para may sumilay na ngiti sa kaniyang mga labi.

“Shock! For real? Slay! Nagkantutan na kayo?”

Nanlaki ang aking mata dahil sa bulgaran niyang tanong. Siraulo talaga ‘tong babaitang ‘to, tingnan mong nasa mall tayo. Baka mamaya ay may ibang makarinig!

“Sige na pumili ka na kung ano ba ang bibilhin mo diyan.” Natatawa kong sambit sa kaniya sabay turo sa mga damit na kanina niya pa tinitingnan.

An evil smirk formed on her lips. She looked at me like she was thinking something evil, something that would bring her the fun. “Okay, Okay. I’ll pick but after we choose the dress that you’ll wear for that party, we’ll go drink. Okay?” She wiggled her eyebrows at me before shifting her body back to the dress she had been eyeing since we got here.

Tulad ng inaasahan ko mag-aaya at mag-aaya talaga ‘to ng inuman. Sa ilang buwan namin na pagsasama, si Jenny ang tipo ng tao na madali at magaan kasama. Walang bahid ng pagiging peke ang kaniyang kilos, walang bahid ng pagpapanggap ang kaniyang mga ginagawa. The way she moved and treated me was full of sincerity and truthfulness. Madali lang rin mabasa ang kaniyang emosyon, kung malungkot ba siya o masaya o may tinatagong isang bagay.

Ilang minuto pa kami tumagal sa loob ng boutique na iyon bago niya ako dalhin sa isang kilala at sikat na brand ng damit. Sa logo pa lang ang sa itsura sa loob ay masasabi mo ng mamahalin ang mga binebenta nila. Nang sinabi ko kasing pupunta ako sa party ay dali-dali niya akong hinila dito.

Hinawakan ko ang braso ni Jenny. ” Ate, huwag nalanv tayo dito.” Suwestyon ko. Napatingin ito sa akin habang nakataas ang isang kilay niya.

“Bakit?”

“Hindi kaya ng pera ko ang mga presyo nila dito.”

Her face grimaced. “Seryoso ka ba, Ate? Boyfriend mo ang Mayor ng lugar na ‘to at hindi lang ‘yan  malaki ang business no’n” she trailed off.

Pina-ikotan niya lang ako ng mata niya bago naglakas patungo sa nakahilerang mga dress at mga gown.

I wanted to reason out, I wanted to say what was in my mind but something was stopping me. Hindi ko alam kung ano.  Gusto ko pabulaanan ang kaniyang sinabi. Hindi naman kasi porket na boyfriend ko ang Mayor ng lugar na ‘to ay may karapatan na akong gastahin ang pera niya. Gamitin ang card na binigay niya para bumili ng mamahaling dress na ‘to.  Being in a relationship with him doesn’t mean that I have the means to use his money, to waste it. Kahit pa ay ilang beses na niya akong sinasabihan na bumili ng gusto ko.

Isa pa isang beses lang naman gagamitin dahil alam ko na hindi na mauulit ang pag-attend ko sa mga gano’ng party.

She placed a white-backless dress in front of me before scanning it. “Hmmm. Bagay sayo ‘to, Ate.”

“Jenny,”

“H’wag kana magsalita, Ate.”

“Pero kasi,”

“Shhh na. Ganito na lang, ako na magbabayad nito tapos bayaran mo nalang sa akin pag may sobra kana. Basta bibili tayo ng damit mo para maganda at kabog ka sa party na ‘yon.”

“Hindi naman puwede ‘yon.”

“Puwede ‘yon!” Sagot niya. Sa pamamaraan niya ng pagsabi nito ay alam kong hindi ko na siya mapipigilan.

Sa huli ay wala na akong nagawa kundi hayaan siya. Habang nasa counter kami ay biglang tumunog ang aking phone kaya mabilis ko itong kinuha. Baka nag text nanaman si Seth para mangulit na gamitin ko na ang card niyang matagal ng nasa akin. But to my surprise, an unknown number welcomed me when I opened the messages app.

09xxxxxxxxx: I won’t say much but don’t let your heart fall for his lies.

There an attached pictures below it. Marami ang picture at sa itsura palang nito ay mukhang kakakuha palang.

Si Seth ay nakatayo kasama ang babaeng kilalang kilala ko. Hawak niya ang babae sa balikat habang parang inaalalayan ito. Nakangiti ang babae habang nakapikit. Samantalang ang lalake naman ay hindi makikitaan ng bakas ng emosyon sa kaniyang mukha. Sobrang malapit ang kanilang mga katawan at parang igini-giya niya ang babae papunta sa kung saan.

What’s with these photos?

Chapter 23

CHAPTER 23

I don’t know what the prime intention of the person who sent these photos to me was. The images clearly show Seth just assisting and helping the woman. Ano ba ang gusto niyang iparating?

I scanned the photos once again. Gosh! Ano ba dapat ang maging reaction ko? I can’t help but furrow my brows as I look at the pictures. Should I feel something bad about it?

Siguro kung nakita ko ‘to nung mga panahon na malabo pa sa akin ang lahat ng kung ano ang mayro’n sa aming dalawa ni Seth ay makakaramdam ako ng bigat sa dibdib. Ngunit ngayon na kami na ar ramdam ko kung paano niya akong alagaan at pahalagahan ay hindi ko magawang pag dudahan siya.

Sa huli ay pinatay at sinilid ko nalang sa aking bulsa ang phone ko. Mas nahiwagan pa ako kung paano niya nakuha ang number ko kaysa sa mga pinadala niya.

At ano raw? I shouldn’t let my heart fall for his lies. What does it mean?

Sylas: You sure you wouldn’t let my brother know about you attending that party?

Later would be the grand party that Seth was always talking about while he was here.Nakahanda na ang mga gagamitin ko pati na rin ang kung ano man ang magiging itsura ko. Jenny also said that her family was invited as well, which gave me a bit of an air in my chest.

Sinabi ko rin kay Sylas ang plano kong pagsurprise kay Seth sa party. Hindi ko kasi sinabi sa kaniya na pupunta ako kahit pa dalawang araw na niya akong pinipilit. Sylas agreed to my plan, he also said he would help me to get in and have the space to enjoy the party kahit pa alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi ko ma-e-enjoy sa ganun.

Riz: Oo, sure na ko.

After I sent it, I quickly grabbed my towel and went to the bathroom to have a brisk shower. I don’t know what will happen later at that party but one thing is for sure, I know Seth will be surprised to see me there. Wala naman talaga akong balak pumunta dahil wala naman talaga akong ganap ro’n. I also don’t have any friends and I don’t know anyone there. Well, not technically na wala, nandun si Sylas, si Seth at si Jenny. Who knows na bak may iba pang nando’n na kilala o pamilyar sa akin.

I have never been to that kind of event or anything grand. I grew up with only but a love full of simplicity. Walang kahit anong gara at pagmamayaman. Walang ganoon kalaking pera o lupain. A humble family with a humble life.

Pero dahil tulad akong ng iba na nagnanasa na magkaroon ng magandang buhay ang pamilyang kinagisnan. Sinisikap ko at sisikapin pa para makapagtapos ng pag aaral at makapagtrabaho para makuha iyon para sa aking pamilya.

Hindi ako sanay sa buhay na mayro’n si Seth, but as he was trying to open what kind of world he was raised in. Surely, madadamay at masasanay rin ako.

Nang matapos akong maligo ay sakto lang pagkatok ni Jenny sa pinto ng aking apartment. She’s already wearing makeup that boosts and emphasizes her beauty. A very feminine local yet foreign feature. She looks dashing and very beautiful. Latina ang atake!

“Ano bakla ganiyan ka nalang?” Natatawang tanong nito habang sinusuri ang kabuohan ko.

Naka puting t-shirt ako at shorts habang may tuwalya pa sa ulo upang pigain ang tubig sa buhok. Ano bang mali sa suot ko? Gagang ‘to! Syempre aayusan pako kaya hindi ko muna susuotin ang dress na binili niya sa akin.

Tumawa ako. Binuksan ko ang pinto upang makapasok siya sa loob. “S’yempre aayusan mo pa ako diba? Ikaw nga hindi rin agad naka dress o baka naman gown ang susuotin mo?” Biro ko. Tumawa si Jenny at mahinang hinila ang dulo ng tuwalya.

Umiling nalang ako at sinarado ang pintuan. Napagkasunduan kasi namin kanina habang namimili ng susuotin ko na siya nalang ang mag ayos sa akin. May mga make up naman ako kaso hindi ganun karami at hindi ko masasabing kumpleto kaya sa huli ay bumili rin siya ng mga kulang ko. I don’t know how to say how thankful I am to have her as my trans friend. Siya kasi ang kauna-unahan na naging kabigan ko na tulad ko rin.

At dahil sa parehas kami ng kasarian, siya lang rin ang lubos na nakakaintindi sa lahat ng mga nararanasan ko. Laking pasasalamat ko nalang na hindi maugali si Jenny, hindi tulad ng mga naging kaklase ko noon nung nasa highschool pa ako. They think of me as their rival and what we have is just a mere competition, nothing more. Kaya hindi na rin ako nagpasiksik na maging kaibigan ko sila.

Jenny was just light and kind. Tipong wala siyang paki kung maging lamang ako sa ganito o higit pa. Na masaya pa siya sa lahat ng nangyayari sa buhay ko, sa mga nakakamit ko. Kaya ganun rin ang ginagawa ko kasi diba? Ganun naman dapat talaga. Na maging masaya nalang tayo sa mga nakakamit at nakukuha ng ibang tao, kahit hindi mo ito kilala.

“Maupo ka na nang mamake-up-an na kita, Ate.” Aniya, sabay hila ng upuan. Taas kilay ko siyang tiningnan habang may ngiti sa aking labi.

Maarte niya akong inirapan bago kami magsimula. Inuna ni Jenny na make-up-an ako bago niya pagisipan ang gagawin sa aking buhok. Nude style lang ang make up ko dahil yun raw ang babago sa aking mukha. She also said that making my hair loose as it was perfectly straightened would make my aura more glamorous. Naniwala naman ako dahil wala naman akong kaalaman masiyado sa pag-aayos ng sarili.

Sapat na kasi sa akin ang kaunting blush on at lipstick. Yun lang ay alam ko na maganda na para sa akin.

Sylas: Should I fetch you, Riz?

Text ni Sylas ng mag bandang alas-sais na ng gabi. Mabilis naman along nagtipa ng reply.

Riz: No need na. May kasabay ako, kaso paano ako makakapasok dun? May ticket ba or guest list? Baka di ako nakalista.

Sinabi ko na lang na h’wag na dahil baka masiyado na akong nagiging feeling close sa kaniya. Hindi naman kami masiyadong magkakilala pa. Kilala niya lang ako bilang girlfriend ng kuya niya o baka nga babaeng gusto niya dahil baka hindi niya pa alam na kami na ng kuya niya.

Pero ang hindi ko lang maintindihan ay bakit sobrang gaan ng loob ko sa kaniya, na hindi ko man lang kayang sungitan. Siguro ay dahil alam mong mabait na tao siya, Riz. Ramdam mo ang pagiging totoo niya.

Ngunit hindi naman sapat na dahilan ‘yon para maging ganito ako ka carefree sa kaniya kahit pa kapatid siya ng lalaking una kong minahal.

Gumayak na rin kami ni Jenny matapos masigurado na ayos na ang lahat. I couldn’t believe that I could be this beautiful and hot at the same time. The dress that Jenny bought for me perfectly hugged the curves of my body, every detail of it took my whole existence to another level. Para akong isang anak ng mayaman! Nga lang hindi ako sanay na walang suot na bra! Nakakailang.

Jenny, on the other hand, wore a perfect red dress. It was perfectly matched with her face and aura. A bold and yet cunning woman that she is. Kaya pala crimson red ang color ng lipstick na suot niya dahil ganito ang dress niya

This was the first time I saw myself, I was like a new different person. Nga lang medyo naiilang ako sa pakitang ganap nito sa likod ko. It was a backless dress.

When we came to the venue of the said party, I was so shocked by the people who were waiting at the entrance. Mga media na galing sa kung ano anong network broadcasting company. Hindi ko nga lang alam kung paano ako makakapasok nito, I’m sure that this party has the guest list at alam kong wala ako do’n.

Ngunit hindi kami ro’n binaba ng driver ni Jenny bagkos ay sa parking lot kami nito dinala.

I looked at the woman beside me.

“Bakit dito tayo?” I asked, puzzled.

Jenny held my hand and caressed it before giving me a sweet smile.

“Dito mo na lang hintayin si Sylas. I already texted him to fetch you here since you’ll be his plus one.” She explained.

My forehead creased. “Paano mo nalaman na si Sylas ang susundo sa akin?” Nagtataka kong tanong.

“Oh shit! Hindi mo pala alam ‘no? His cousin was my ex-boyfriend.” Diretso at walang paki niyang sabi.

My eyes widened a bit from her sudden confession. So she knew Sylas and maybe Seth too because of her ex. Kaya ba ganon na lang ang pagtutulak niya sa akin kay Seth noon.

“Totoo?”

“Oo, Ate. Kaya h’wag ka nang mag-isip ng kung ano pa diyan.”

Tumango ako bilang pag-sang ayon.

“Okay. Wait,” habol niya.

She snatched her phone from her red purse and opened it. Sinilip niya ang sarili niya sa camera, siguro para tingnan kung nagulo ba ang make-up niya.

Pinanood ko lamang siya sa ginagawa niya.

“Kuya Flor, you know what you need to do. Daddy’s men will be at the venue. Ikaw p’wede ka rin naman umakyat basta alam mo na kung sino ang hahanapin.” Utos nito.

So, Kuya Flor pala ang pangalan nung driver namin and he’s not only a driver but a bodyguard too. Base na rin sa kung paano siya tumanong at magsuot ng earpiece na katulad sa mga bata ni Mayor.

I suddenly wondered if his men were here, and if they were, then where could they be?

“Yes, Ma’am. Ako na po bahala sa taong ‘yon. Hindi po iyon makakalapit sa inyo.” Sagot ni Kuya Flor.

“Good.” Jenny shifted her eyes at me. “Let’s go? I think Sylas is here na.” She said.

I nod my head slowly. “Okay,”

Lumabas rin naman agad si Jenny mula sa sasakyan pero ako ay ilang minuto pa ako namalagi sa loob bago ko napagpasyahan na lumabas. And she was right! Sylas was there, standing at the entrance of the parking lot. Wearing a dark blue tuxedo, his hair was brushed backward. Dahil sa itsura niya ay mas lalo kong napagtanto na magkapatid nga talaga sila ni Seth, from his posture and how he stood there as if he was a Greek god waiting for his servant to come. Magkamukha sila ngunit ang pinagkaiba lang ay ang katawan. Sa katawan talaga dahil mas malaki ang kay Seth. Mas malaki…

“Hello, ladies!” He greeted.

“Good to see you again, asshole,” Jenny replied. She then gives him a taunting smirk.

Sylas chuckled. “Hi, Riz. Or should I say, Ate Riz?” Aniya. Dahil sa sinabi niya ay napabaling ang tingin ni Jenny sa akin at natatawa akong pinagmasdan.

So alam niya! Alam niya na kami na. Sinabi ba ni Seth sa kaniya na kami na o sa ibang paraan? Pero paano niya naman malalaman ‘yon bukod sa kapatid niya?

“Riz nalang, Sylas.”

“Sure!”

“Ikaw na bahala sa kaibigan ko ha! Malalagot ka sa akin at kay Mayor pag may nangyaring hindi maganda dito!”

Sylas raised both of his hands and whistled. “Chill! It’s too early for a threat, yeah. The night is young just like her.” Tumingin ito sa akin sabay kindat.

Natawa nalang rin ako sa kaniya. HIndi ko alam na ganito pala talaga siya bilang isang tao, makulit at maloko. Akala ko kasi noon na ganoon ang pakikitungo niya sa akin makipagusap dahil para hindi ako mailang o matakot sa kaniya.

“Che! Tigilan mo nga ‘yan, naunahan ka na ng kuya mo!” Sikmat ni Jenny bago tuluyan na maglakad papasok.

Sylas glanced at her before shifting his eyes at me. “Shall we? I can’t wait to see my brother’s reaction when he finds out that you’re here.” Inilahad niya ang kaniyang kamay sa akin habang maamo akong tiningnan.

Nahihiya ko naman inabot ang kaniyang kamay. Nilagay niya ito sa kaniyang braso na parang isang angklang naka ipit ro’n. Kailangan ba na may ganito? Na may paghawak ng kamay. Para akong napapaso dahil sa kung anong kasalanan ang aking ginagawa. It feels so illegal and foreign.

“I hope my brother will not kill me because of this.” He mumbled.

Sylas guided me inside. Nagsimulang pumintig ang dibdib ko, normal at walang kakaiba sa una ngunit habang papalapit kami at bawat mga detalye ng loob ang aking nakikita ay bumibilis ito. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang puwedeng mangyari ngayon gabi, kung ma surprise ko ba si Seth o hindi. Kung magiging masaya ba siya?

Siguro naman oo dahil ilang beses na niya akong pinapakiusapan na sumama sa kaniya dito. Nang matagumpay kaming makapasok sa loob at makasakay sa elevator ay mas lalong bumibilis ang pintig ng aking puso. Bakit ba ako kinakabahan? Walang rason para kabahan ko, pero bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko? Na parang sinasabi ng katawan ko na h’wag na akong tumuloy at tumalikod na lamang.

“Are you okay?” Sylas suddenly asked.

I looked at him with nervousness gushing through my bloodstream. Gosh!

“O-Oo naman…”

“You sure? Namumutla ka.”

“Huh? Hindi ah! Dahil lang sa lamig ‘yan.” Palusot ko.

Sylas didn’t say anything instead, he looked at me intently like he was checking if I was telling the truth. After a moment, he nodded his head and brought his eyes back to our front.

Gusto ko nalang alis ang kamay ko at tumakbo dahil sa kakaiba kong nararamdaman. Bakit ba ganito? Hindi ba ay ginusto ko ‘to, pinili ko ‘to pero bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko. Bakit ako labis na kinakabahan.

I heaved a deep sigh and tried to compose myself. When the elevator opened, a grand setting surprised my whole existence. Every detail of the fine tablecloths, chairs, and even the decoration made me face the reality that this party was only for the rich.

“Let’s go and find your man,” Sylas said. Tinanggal ko ang aking kamay na nakahawak sa braso niya. He didn’t react about it instead, he just placed his hands on the back of my waist, almost touching it.

Maganda ang paligid. Nakakamangha at nakaka aliw. Hindi ko inaasahan na sa buhay kong ‘to ay makakaranas akong makapunta sa ganito.

He then guided me into the main hall where the main event would happen. My eyes almost dilated because of how huge the main hall was. Sa sobrang laki ay pwede pa ata mag karoon ng dance contest sa gitna nito.

Medyo marami na rin ang na roon. May mga taong bumabati kay Sylas kaya bawat sandali ay napapahinto kami.

“Hey! I thought you had no plans to attend this party, what changed your mind?” Bati sa kaniya ng lalaking naka grey na suot. It was the same type of tuxedo that Sylas wearing but the style and design of it were different.

They shake their hands. Sylas chuckled. “I had no choice, bro. I need to even though I had no plan.”

The man smiled before darting his eyes at me. He then offered his hand to me. “Hi! Daniel Ford Samaniego. You are?” He introduced. Napatingin ako sa kaniyang kamay na nakalahad.

I was about to hold and shake his hand but Syla whisked it. “Stay away, Ford. You never wish to find a bullet in your head the next minute your hand holds hers.”

The man named Ford looked at Sylas with a playful grin on his face. Mabagal niya binawi ang kamay bago ito pinasok sa kaniyang bulsa. He slowly nods his head like he has realized something.

“Is she your girlfriend or…”

“Oh shoot! No! She’s my brother’s girlfriend.”

Ford’s mouth formed an “o” before shifting his weight. He comb his hair up before shaking his head while his eyes are close.

He looked at me like I was an unexpected guest. Well, unexpected nga naman talaga! Hindi nga ako kilala siguro ng may ari ng party na ito.

“Mayor’s girlfriend? Seriously?”

“Yeah! Her name is Riz.”

Pagpapakilala ni Sylas sa akin. Gusto kong batukan ng malala ang sarili ko dahil sa pananahimik na aking ginagawa. Hindi naman niya trabaho na ipakilala ako pero ginawa ninya!

“Then she’s the town’s first lady, yeah?” Mabilis na sabi ni Ford. Natawa si Sylas kaya ganun na rin ako.

“Tarantado! Anyway, where’s your brother?”

“I don’t know where that demon goes. Let’s not mind that man, I know he was just tailing his fiancee like he always does.”

“I thought your brother didn’t like her. Bakit niya sinusundan kung ganon?”

“I don’t have any clue! That prick was just in denial.”

Pagkatapos nilang makipagusap ay ginaya niya ako ulit papunta sa isang table. The moment my eyes caught his image, the beat of my heart tripled. He was sitting on one of the grand table with a golden white cloth. His face was bored and grumpy. Pero ang pogi pa rin!

Nakatingin siya sa kung saan kaya hindi niya kami napapanasin na papalapit.

“There he was! The grumpy old jerk.” ani ni Sylas na hindi ko na napagtuonan.

I locked my eyes on him. I have never been this excited for someone to see how I look, not until this moment. I was excited and at the same time was nervous to see his reaction not only to my look but also to my presence.

I felt Sylas’ hand finally landed on my back. Bigla siyang tumigil kaya naman napatigil din ako. He shifted his body at me.

“So, this is where I can only help you, Riz. Whatever your plan is, I hope it will not break my brother’s heart.” Sylas looked at me with his eyes full of hope and admiration. Perhaps, not for me but for something else.

I smiled sweetly. “Don’t worry, breaking your brother’s heart was not part of my plan. I only wanted to surprise him, that’s all.” I assured.

He heaved a relieved sigh. “Good. Let’s go, then.”

Nagpatuloy kami sa paglalakad. Bawat hakbang ay katumbas ng ilang malalakas na tibok ng aking puso. My world seemed to stop when he darted his dark orb to mine. Namilog ang mata niya ng sa wakas ay mahanap nito ang presensya ko.

I saw how he scanned my view, from head to toe. Tumayo siya nang hindi inaalis ang mata sa akin. But the moment he realized that I was with someone, his eyes became bloodshot and dark as if he saw something that was forbidden and part of the taboo…

I stood straight when we finally reached their respective table. Sylas’ mother greeted him before looking at me with a big smile. Humalik si Sylas sa kaniyang Mommy.

“You’ve finally come, hijo. I thought you were going to ditch a party again just like what you usually do.” His mom said, her eyes looking at him happily.

“I wasn’t really fond of parties, Mom. It’s just that I need to attend this time for a… friend.” He then looked at me after he said the last part.

Ma’am Melinda nods his head. “Oh! And who’s this beautiful lady standing beside you, hmmm?” Tanong nito matapos na ituon ang atensyon niya sa presensya ko.

“Ah yes! Mom, this is Riz. Riz, this is my mother.”

“H-Hello po,” Magalang pong pagbati. Nakangiti niya akong tinitigan na para bang may inuusisa siya sa aking mukha.

“Hi. Is she your girlfriend, Sylas?” Biglang tanong nito.

My heart hammered in my chest. I secretly looked at Seth and saw how his face darkened, his jaws tightened.

Mabilis kong ibinalik ang aking tingin kay Ma’am Melinda. “Ah hindi—”

“No, mom.” Putol sa akin ni Sylas.

Tumango ang Mom niya nang dahan dahan. Kahit na itinanggi ni Sylas ‘yon ay hindi naalis ang kakaibang kaba sa aking dibdib.

“It’s nice to meet you, hija. Wait, you look familiar. Have we met before?” She asked when something finally dawned on him.

“Oh yes! You’re working at that coffee shop, right?” She asked.

I nod my head slowly, confirming the question she asked.

Her smile became wide, I saw a glimpse of an amusement in her eyes. Ngunit mabilis lang iyon na paranag napadaan at bumalik rin sa dati.

Ma’am Melinda looked at Sylas. She kissed Sylas on his cheek once again before shooting me a glance. She then went back to her seat as if nothing had happened.

The way she looked at me was different from what I saw when she had a fight in our apartment. The disgust and anger in her eyes were no longer found. It was as if the person I had a conversation with was a different person. My heart became light slightly na para bang may isang bloke ang natanggal doon.

“Mom, Riz will sit with us. Is that okay?”

“Sure, hijo. No problem at all.”

Sylas signaled me to sit. Umuupo na ako at pilit inayos ang aking sarili sa upuan. Kahit hindi ko sulyapan si Seth ay alam kong nasa akin ang mabibigat at matatalim niyang tingin.

A moment passed and the party started. The event’s host welcomed the people who were behind the grand party.

It was the Corpuz’es. One of the prominent ans wealthy clans of our country. Dun ko lang rin napagtanto na ang party pala ay hindi lang basta tungkol sa business, it was also made for an engagement party for their daughter, a transwoman.

Shin Kali Corpuz. One of the most skillful and talented interior designers of the ages. She’s beautiful, her face is small like a carved from a Barbie, and her eyes are fierce just like my friend, Jennu. Her body was like that of a Greek goddess, perfectly shaped. Sexy.

Nang magsalita siya ay doon ko lang napagtanto kung gaano siya halos maging perpektong nilalang. Maganda, mayaman, sexy at matalino. The way she speaks brings a new realization to me.

But I know, god created her that way, to be like that an almost perfect person.

My body stiffened in place when a calloused hand touched the bare skin on my back. I feel his breath brushing off my cheek as his face is positioned beside mine. Nandito kasi ako ngayon sa may bandang gilid, nakatayo habang pinapanood ang mga sumasayaw.

Hindi ko na kailangan pang hulaan kung sino iyon dahil sa kakaibang init palang na dala ng kaniyang palad, ng kaniyang hininga at kung paano bumigat ang aking paghinga ay alam kong si Mayor iyon, ang aking boyfriend.

“You surprised me, Wife. You rejected my offer for god knows how many times it was.” He whispered huskily.

I felt his big strong forearms snaked around my waist, his body was now positioned behind me. Nakayakap na siya sa akin ng bahagya.

Na-alarma kong sinubukan gumalaw ngunit mas pinatindig niya ang kaniyang braso kaya nabigo akong napatigil.

Gosh! Porket nakatayo na ang lahat kasama kami at medyo madilim dito sa aming pwesto ay ganito na siya kung makadikit sa akin na parang isang tuko. Paano kung nandito lang kaniyang Mommy?!

Seth sniffed my hair, the way he did it sent a thousand blades of shivers down my spine. His hands draw a circle of shapes on my waist.

“S-Seth,”

“Hmmm,”

“Baka may makakita sa atin.”

“Yeah?” tila walang paki niyang sagot bago ibaon ang kaniyang ulo sa aking leeg at iyon naman ang kaniyang pinag-a-amoy.

Wala sa sarili kong naitagilid ang aking ulo na siyang nagbigay ng mas malawak na pwesto roon.

“Seth,” Tawag ko ulit.

Napungot siya na para bang isang bata na naiistorbo sa pinagkakaabalahan nito.

I lightly shrugged my shoulder where his face was buried to get his attention.

“We are in the middle of a party. And it’s not just a party of some birthday celebrant but your business partner.”

Binawi niya ang kaniyang ulo at mabilis na pinatakan ng halik ang aking pisngi. A thousand volts surged through my body.

Napasinghap ako sa kaniyang ginawa.

“And so? I don’t care if someone sees us here in this position, you know that I am more than happy and proud to show them that I have a beautiful and godlike wife.”

Lumakas ang tibok ng puso ko at tila nabuhay ang mga hayop na nakatago sa aking tyan. Nakalimutan ko nga pala na walang paki ang lalaking ‘to sa mga ganito, na kahit sa mismong lugar na pinamumunuan niya ay hindi siya natatakot na maging clingy sa akin.

“Which part of your body did my brother hold you?” isang malamig at mababa niyang tanong.

Chapter 24

CHAPTER 24

Seth didn’t remove me from his embrace; he was still hugging me from behind. Kahit na may ibang nakatingin sa amin na may pagtataka na sa kanilang mga mata. The looks in their eyes say how intrigued they are about us and about the woman Seth was hugging. The curiosity that was lingering in their eyes spoke for them.

All the moment we stayed in this position, the nervousness in my body didn’t let me rest for a bit. The chills and the freezing effect that this situation brings were too much. Alam mo yung pakiramdam na hindi ka na mapakali sa kinatatayuan mo dahil sa kaba.

“Calm, wife. I could feel how nervous you were just by the way your skin was. Your trembling,” He said in a low voice. He brushed his nose against the skin on my neck before sniffing it.

For the nth time, I felt my body shiver because of the emotion that tingled within me. Gosh! His mom could be anywhere! Nagpaalam lang naman kanina ‘yon na may dadaluhan na kakilala at kaibigan. She could be here nearby and see us in this position.

Hindi ko alam na ganito pala ang mararamdaman ko kapag nasa isang relasyon na ako. At ganito pang nasaksihan ko kung paano kaayawan ng Nanay niya ang tulad ko. I should be happy that my boyfriend is proud of me being his girlfriend. That he wasn’t ashamed of having a trans-girlfriend.

But instead of feeling that way, here I was, feeling nervous about his mom. Kinakabahan at natatakot na baka sa oras na malaman na kami ay may relasyon, na ang anak niya na isang government official ay may relasyon sa katulad kong kinaayawan niya.

Seth bit my shoulderblade the reason why I pulled my senses back from the thoughts clouding my mind. “What are you thinking, hmmm? Tell me or I will be jealous.” He said huskily. His hug tightened almost making me chase my breathing. Ngunit sandali lang ‘yon at niluwagan niya rin agad.

“What if your mother sees us here? Intimately hugging each other?”

“Then it will give her a reason not to arrange for me to marry her friend’s daughter.”

“What if she doesn’t like me?” I said, worriedly.

I heard him sigh. He pulled himself back and stood straight, his hand still caging me.

“We’ll still be together, nothing will change between us. Whether she likes you or not, I’m still your boyfriend.”

I know what he’s trying to do, he was trying to ease the thoughts and the emotions surging within me. He said those words to assure me that nothing would change between us. Na kung magustuhan man ako ng nanay niya o hindi, kami pa rin at walang mababago.

But why do I still feel this way? Despite everything he said, there’s still something that troubles my mind. I still can’t find the peace to simply be in the moment and savor this celebration with him.

Kinalas niya ang pagkakayakap sa akin at pinaharap ako sa kaniya. Nakahawak ng magaan at malambing ang mga kamay niya da aking siko habang nakatingin sa aking mukha, sinusuri at binabasa ang mga tumatakbo sa akin tulad ng palagi niyang ginagawa.

“Wife, you don’t need to let those things trouble your mind. I chose you because I love you, I am the one who chose you as my partner, as my future wife and to be the mother of my future children. Their opinions and beliefs would not make me change what I have already chosen to live for. So please, let us enjoy the night and make more memories to treasure for the rest of our lives.” He said sincerely. I felt how his fingers brushing on my elbow gently.

The sincerity in his eyes was enough to wash away everything that I was feeling. It was like a dedicated antidote for a particular poison. A repellent, a medicine.

I slowly nod my head. I believe him and honestly, he’s right. I shouldn’t let anyone or anything affect me, my mind as it might be or will be the cause of something that could break the trust and bond within our relationship.

He is my damn boyfriend and what I should do is to trust him, only him.

Nagpatuloy ang gabi ng kasiyahan. Marami ang naging ganap, pagkatapos kasi sumayaw ng ibang bisita ay may kumanta naman. I saw Jenny talking with a man, sa likod naman niya ay ang may edad na lalaki at babae na sa tingin ko ay mga magulang niya.

I tried to roam around the hall but I couldn’t even enjoy the sight of the place because of the man who was following me the whole time. Nasa likod ko lang naman siya at nakasunod, ganun pa man ay ramdam na ramdam ko pa rin ang presensya ng katawan niya. Kung hindi pa nga siya binabati at kinakausap ng mga ibang panauhin ng party ay hindi pa siya malalayo ng ilang dipa sa akin.

Nang mapagod ako sa paglilibot ay napagpasyahan kong pumunta muna ng banyo. Kanina ko pa rin kasi nararamdaman na naiihi na ako. Gustuhin ko man sabihan si Seth kung saan ako pupunta ngunit hindi ko magawang lumapit dahil kasama niyang makipagusap ang kaniyang Nanay sa may ari ng selebrasyon na ‘to.

I just looked at him, waiting for his eyes to run where I was standing. Nang mapadaan ang kaniyang mata sa akin ay mabilis akong nasenyas na pupunta ako ng washroom na siya naman kina-kunot ng kaniyang noo.

Riz: I’ll just go in the washroom.

After I sent him that text message, I quickly went to the washroom. Pagkapasok ko ay may dalawang babae akong naabutan na nakatayo sa tapat ng salamin. They were talking about something I couldn’t get to hear as I went straight to one of the cubicles. Namumukaan ko sa isang babae na parang galit ito base sa kunot at nanlilisik nitong mata na nakatingin sa kaharap.

Pagkatapos ko umihi at maghugas ng kamay ay lumabas na rin ako. Nang makabalik ako ay naabutan ko na medyo malumanay na lang ang ayos ng party. Seth quickly went to me as soon as he saw me walking, his hand immediately snaked around my waist made the other guest look at us.

“Who is she? Is she the rumored girlfriend of Mr. Del prado?” rinig kong isa sa bulungan ng mga nadadaanan namin.

“Aren’t you tired yet?” Seth whispered before landing a kiss on my cheek.

I feel my cheeks burned. Gosh! Nasa gitna kaming dalawa at marami pa ang nakakakita.

Napakapit ako sa laylayan ng suot niya na para bang doon ako kumukuha ng lakas na wag talaban ng hiya.

Umiling ako bilang sagot.

“Should we go home? Let’s sleep in my condo tonight.”

Gusto ko man tumanggi at manatili muna sa psrty ay sa huli napatango na lang ako. Ni hindi ko man lang nakasama ang kaibigan ko, ni hindi ko rin napapasalamatan ang kapatid niya.

When we got to his condo, he just lent me his t-shirt which looks like a dress on me as it was big. Seth told me something about the party, which is which and what is what. He also told me about their business of shipping lines and hotel chains. Doon pa lang ay masasabi na ang mundo na kinalakihan namin dalawa ay magkaiba. He was raised with a golden spoon in his mouth while I was just a single bronze coin. Hindi naman sa ayaw ko ang buhay na kinalakihan ko pero hindi ko maiwasan na mapagkumpara.

“Sasama ka sa team building ha.” Tanong ni Cleo habang nagpupunas kami ng mga baso.

Napalingon ako sa kaniya. “Hindi ko lang sure kasi baka malaki ang ambagan niyan, wala akong maibibigay kung ganon lalo pa’t nag-iipon ako.” Sagot ko bago kunin ang susunod na pupunasan.

“Anong ambagan ka diyan? Sagot ng may ari lahat wala na tayong gagastusin, ang presensya mo lang ang iaambag mo.”

Namamangha akong napabaling muli sa kaniya.

“Seryoso ka ba?”

“Oo”

“Hindi pa rin ako makakasama kasi may mga importante akong gagawin. Kayo na lang, sa susunod nalang ako sasama.”

“At ano naman ang mga gagawin mo? Isang beses lang naman ‘to nangyayari sa bawat taon, Riz. Kaya sumama kana!” Pangungubinsi nito.

Gustuhin ko man na sumama ay hindi ko magawa dahil na rin sa mga gawain ko sa school na kailangan kong matapos. Kakaumpisa palang ng klase at marami na agad ang pinagbibigay ng mga prof namin. Dagdag pa na kailangan kong dalawin si Nanay dahil bumabalik nanaman raw ang sintomas ng kaniyang sakit.

Umiling ako. “Kailangan kong puntahan ang Nanay ko at ipa-check up, at marami rin kasi akong gawain na hindi pa natatapos.”

“Sa susunod na buwan pa naman. Tyaka hindi pa naman nag bibigay ng anunsyo ang boss natin. Busy pa kasi sa ibang branch ng shop.”

Sa susunod na buwan? Puwede akong sumama kung ganun. Puwede ko naman na tapusin ng maaga ang mga dapat tapusin at siguro naman ay hindi naman iyon tatagal ng ilang araw.

“Sige, titignan ko nalang.”

Ngumiti si Cleo sa akin na para bang may binabalak ito.

Windchime rang which made us return to our work. Wala naman naging kakaiba sa araw ko sa trabaho ko kahit pa sa mga sumunod na araw. Papasok ako sa school at diretso trabaho, tuwing biyernes ay mag-out ng maaga para pasukan ang isang subject ko sa hapon.

Naging madalas na rin ang pag punta ni Seth at ng kapatid niyang si Sylas sa shop. They usually come around twelve or one p.m, wala rin naman silang ginagawa ro’n bukod sa tumutok sa kanilang mga dalang laptop o kaya’y magmasid sa bawat galaw ko.

At first, it was awkward for me as they were watching every move I made. But as the time goes by, I eventually got used to it.

“Class, we will be having our yearly sports fest. It will be a month from now so for those who are willing or have a plan to join a particular activity, come to the faculty and find Mr. Madrigal.”

My class shouted in unison, they were like wild boars hunted by a wild tiger. Hindi ko nga alam ano gagawin ko sa balitang ‘yon habang sila ay sumigaw at nagsitilian.

Wala akong sports, wala akong talent kaya hindi ko makita ang sarili ko na maging ganung kasaya sa balita nila. Is there something about that event that is so much fun? Or is there something that could be entertaining?

The sports? Maybe.

The player? Probably not.

I sighed. I should not bother myself about it, isa pa hindi rin naman ako sasali at makikilahok katulad nung nakaraan taon.

“I miss you, wife.” Ani Seth nang matagumpay akong nakapunta sa kaniya. Hinalikan niya ang pisngi ko bago patakan ang aking labi.

Oa naman nito? Miss niya na agad ako eh magkasama lang kami kaninang umaga.

I wrapped my hands around his body but since his build was bigger than mine. Hindi ko buong nayakap ang katawan niya.

“Oa mo! Magkasama lang tayo kanina.”

He chuckled. “If you could know how much I wanted to stick around you all the time! Maybe you could say how much of an OA I was.”

I rolled my eyes at him playfully.

“Oo na!”

Hindi ko siya hinintay na makapagsalita at dumiretso na ako papasok sa sasakyan niya. I know that his Men in black was somewhere here in the carpark so I did not bother myself to look for them.

Seth drove me home and stayed at my apartment till midnight. He cooked us our dinner and cuddled after, nagkwento lang rin siya kung ano ang mga nanagyari sa araw niya.

Sobrang clingy ng lalaki na kahit na ginagawa ko ang mga school works ko ay nakalingkis siya na parang tuko sa aking likuran habang pinapatakan ng mumunting halik ang aking balikat at leeg. Hinayaan ko na lamang siya dahil alam kong sa gano’n paraan lang siya nagpapahinga. Sa ilang linggo na magkarelasyon kami ni Seth hindi niya kailanman naparamdam sa akin na may pagkukulang ako.

Bagkos ay mas napaparamdam niya kung gaano siya kuntento sa akin at kung gaano katotoo ang mga sinasabi niyang mahal na mahal niya ako. Kailanman ay hindi siya nagbigong iparamdam sa akin kung gaano ako kahalaga sa kaniya.

Ni hindi na rin ako nagtaka ng sunod sunod na ang mga article na lumabas patungkol sa amin. And yes, one by one, day after day, I checked every article about him having a relationship. Some of the pictures attached to the article were taken when we were intimately embracing each other at Kali’s party. Some of them are secretly taken as if we were some kind of celebrity.

Ilang beses ko na rin tinanong si Seth kung ano ang masasabi niya ngunit isang maangas at mapagmalaking ngiti lang ang sagot niya sa akin.

“My mom knew about our relationship and she doesn’t even have any say about us, she instead suggested bringing you to our house to properly introduce you to them. To mee my parents.” Saad niya habang mahigpit akong niyayakap sa kama niya rito sa condo niya.

It’s saturday today and it’s my day off, my schedule from my subjects are clear so he brought me here to have our quality time.

My heartbeat rose because of what he confessed. For the past weeks since we had into this relationship, I have never asked him about his parent’s opinion nor what his father or mother would say about us. He just easily read what’s in my mind the reason it became one of our topics when we were having our quality, just like this.

I slowly pulled myself back, making some spaces between us. I looked at him with curiosity dancing in my eyes.

“S-Seryoso ka?”

He nodded like a kid. “Yup, my mom asked me the next day after that party. She probably sees us hugging.” maangas niyang sabi sa dulo. Ngumis pa ito sa akin na akala mo naman ay nakabawas sa kaba na aking nararamdaman.

I knew it! I knew she would see us in that position, kahit pa na madilim kaming parte. May posibilidad na makikita at makikita niya kami.

But why she didn’t approach us or even ask us from that very moment?

“Anong magkayakap? Ikaw lang ang nakayakap sa akin ‘no! Hindi ako.” Asik ko sa kaniya bago ko hampasin ng mahina ang kaniyang dibdib.

Gosh! Topless nga pala siya! Ramdam na ramda ko ang init ng kaniyang balat sa kaniyang malulusog na dibdib.

I bit my lip to suppress the thoughts that were starting to poison my mind. Gosh! Hindi ka magiging uhaw sa sex!

Seth chuckled, his voice barked from the four corners of his room.

“Isn’t that the same?”

“No! It’s not!”

He pulled me closer, filling the spaces that I made earlier. He then buried his face in his favorite spot, in my neck.

“I love you so damn much, Wife. Had you not been studying, I might have married you the very day we became us. Nauna lang siguro ang honeymoon!”

Nag-init ang pisngi ko sa kaniyang sinabi. Anong pakakasalan niya ako kung hindi lang ako nag-aaral? Eh, hindi pa nga tinatanggap ang pagiisang puso ng dalawang parehas na kasarian dito! At nauna ang honeymoon, ang bastos rin talaga ng bunganga ng Mayor na ‘to. Ibang iba sa pagiging mahinhin at malinis na gumalaw kapag kaharap ang mga nasasakupan niya.

His hand that was hugging me suddenly traveled into places in my body. And that day we made love again and again. Ni hindi ko na alam kung anong oras na kami tapos basta nagising nalang ako kinaumagahan na medyo masakit ang aking pang-upo.

I looked at Seth’s sleeping face, how calm and innocent he looks when he’s in a deep sleep made my heart feel something in my heart. It was as if telling me, assuring me that everything that is happening right now is what I deserve. Na para bang mas hinahatak pa ako nito sa isang masarap na panaginip at ayaw ng magising.

I slowly and carefully removed Seth’s hand from hugging me. Nang matagumpay ay dumiretso ako sa banyo upang maghilamos at magsipilyo.

Hindi ko alam kung hanggang saan makakaabot ang aming relasyon, kung hanggang saan kmi dadalhin ng aming mga nararamdaman. Ngunit alam ko na sa ngayon ay wala akong ibang puwedeng gawin kundi ang lasapin at iparamdam sa kaniya kung gaano ba lumalalim ang aking nararamdaman.

Hindi man namin masisiguro ang puwedeng mangyari bukas, o sa susunod na araw o sa susunod na buwan, taon. Pero masisigurado naman namin na kaya namin maiparamdam kung gaano namin kamahal ang isa’t isa.

After I cleaned myself up, I went out of his room. Like a magnet seducing a metal, my eyes swiftly darted to the door of the mysterious room in this place. Not even once I tried to have a look inside that room, but these eerie and unknown feelings I always felt whenever I looked at that door were not letting me rest just for once.

Ano ba ang mayro’n sa kuwartong ‘yan at parang pinagbabawal niyang pasukin ng kahit sino man. Kahit na ang cleaner na regular na pumupunta rito ay hindi raw nakakapasok diyan dahil sa mahigpit na bilin ni Seth. Is there something that shouldn’t known to other people but only to him?

I winced the thoughts and immediately went to the kitchen to cook our breakfast.

Tatlong sunny side up na itlog ang niluto ko, hotdog at ham. Nag-sangag rin ako ng kanin dahil isa iyon sa naging paborito ni Seth na aking niluluto.

Habang naglalapag ako ng plato at baso sa lamesa, isang mainit na yakap ang pumulupot sa akin, his breath quickly brushed against the skin on my neck. He then lands a soft yet quick kiss on my cheeks.

“Good morning, Wife. I was planning to make our breakfast today but you’re quicker. I slept too long, huh?” Pag-arte nitong saad sa akin.

Hinawakan ko ang kaniyang dalawang malulusog na kamay na nakapulupot sa aking katawan at dinama ang init na hatid ng kaniyang katawan.

“Ang aga mo naman mangharot! Sige na at kumain na tayo.”

He chuckles heartily before removing his hands from me. He quickly went to the other side of the table to sit down. Kumain na rin kami agad noon, walang ibang pinaguusapan bukod sa mga gagawin at mga padating niyang proyekto para sa nalalabi niyang termino bilang Mayor ng lugar na ito. He also told me that he might be busy in the upcoming days as his team will conduct an outreach program and also a free check-up. Gustuhin man niyang hindi sumama ay kailangan niya magpakita upang mas maihayag niya pa nang mas maigi kung gaano siya nagpapahalaga sa mga taong nasasakupan niya.

Hinatid niya rin naman ako sa apartment ko at nanatili ng ilang oras bago magpasyang umuwi.

While I was busy cooking my dinner, I loud buzz from my phone took my attention. The ringtone made my forehead creased as it was different from the ringtone I set up for the people closest to my heart.

When I opened the screen of my phone, text messages quickly popped up on its screen and numerous message requests on my messenger.

Una kong binuksan ang text messages. At bumungad sa akin ang isang nakakatindig balahibong mensahe.

Unknown number:

Gusto mo bang mamatay ang kinalakihan mong pamilya? Kung ayaw mo ay isa lang naman ang maaari mong gawin.

My heart pounded like a wild animal inside my chest, I felt my throat tighten as if someone was choking me. My hands slowly trembled.

Unknown number:

Patayin mo ang nagmamalaking Mayor na ‘yan! At mabubuhay ang pinakamamahal mong pamilya.

Chapter 25

CHAPTER 25

Pangalawang beses ko na makatanggap ng text message galing sa hindi ko kilala. Hindi ko maiwasan na hindi makaramdam ng kaba lalo pa’t sa pagkakataon na ‘to ay pamilya ko na ang pinag-uusapan.

Puwede ko naman baliwalain. Oo, maaari ko nga baliwalain. Pero hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili kong maapektohan sa mga nabasa ko.

My hands were trembling as I maneuvered the screen of my phone to open the messenger app. From there, a message appeared before me—sent by someone I didn’t know, a name familiar to me, clearly made up, and whose identity was clearly not real.

Jun Jun: Kung ako sau mag-iisip na ako nang gagawin ko.

It was the only message but it is enough for me to know what he meant. Alam kong tinutukoy niya ang text message na ‘yon.

I clicked the profile picture to try to stalk him, just to know a little bit about the account. But to my surprise, the account was newly made and it was made yesterday.

Sa kaba ko ay mabilis kong tinawagan ang numero ng aking nanay. Alam kong gising pa sila dahil maaga pa ngunit nang hindi niya sinagot ang tawag ay mas lalong lumakas ang pagtambol ng puso ko sa kaba.

I tried to dial her number again but she didn’t answer it. Dahil sa kaba ay hindi ko na inintindi ang aking niluluto at basta ko na lamang pinatay ang kalan. I quickly ran to my room and snatched out a jacket. Mabilis akong lumabas habang ang sunod ko naman na tinatawagan ay ang kay Ramon.

And by god’s grace, Ramon answered the phone after it rang three times.

“Ate, napatawag ka? May problema ba?” Nagtataka niyang tanong.

Tila isang malaking bara ang natanggal sa dibdib ko nang sagutin niya ang tawag. Hawak hawak ko na ang busol ng pinto upang buksan, handa na sanang lisanin at puntahan sila sa bahay.

“K-Kumusta kayo diyan?” Pilit kong pinatatag at pinadiretso ang aking boses para hindi niya mahalata ang kaba at pagiging balisa ko.

“Opo, Ate. Ayos lang kami, ikaw? Kumusta ka diyan?”

“M-Mabuti naman… Oo, Ayos lang din ako. Si Nanay at Tatay kumusta?”

Ramon didn’t answer me right away, there was dead air for how many seconds before he spoke.

“Oo, Ate. Tulog na si Nanay, si Tatay naman nanonood ng TikTok.”

Tuluyang nawala ang bigat at bara sa aking dibdib ng makumpirma ko iyon sa kapatid. I shut my eyes tightly and took a deep breath, I’d make sure that my brother wouldn’t hear the unsteadiness in my voice.

“Bakit ka pala napatawag, Ate? May problema ba?” Tanong naman nito pabalik kaya napadilat ako. I turned my back against the door and leaned on it.

Maayos na ang paghinga ko, salamat dahil wala naman nangyari. I guess the person behind that message was just pranking me after all. Maybe he was just one of those people who hated Seth personally or maybe didn’t like the way Seth governs his town under his leadership.

I shook my head, a contented smile plastered on my lips. “W-Wala naman. Namiss ko lang kayo, sila Nanay. Ikaw muna ang bahala sakanila habang nag-aaral pa’ko. Ikaw muna ang tatayong panganay riyan.”

“Naku, Ate. Ang sabihin mo na miss mo lang talaga ang ka guwapuhan ko! Syempre naman! Ako ang bahala sa dalawa rito, tyaka kahit hindi mo sabihin ay aalagaan ko sila.”

My smile grew wider because of what Ramon just said. It warms my heart to know that he is growing into a fine and wise man. The way he knew the obligation that he needed to attend and fulfill was not just because it was given to him, but just because of his love for them.

Naging mapayapa naman ang gabi ko kaya nang kinaumagahan ay maaga ako nagising. I decided to turn on the block unknown number feature of my phone to not be able to receive any message from an unknown number, even in my messenger I private my account so that no one would able to send me a message request.

Nginunguya ko ang kinakain kong baon habang nakikinig sa pinaguusapan ng mga kagrupo ko para sa isang project namin sa ED-2. They are brainstorming about what we could do or where we can start the said project.

We have a project by group, with three members in each group. Kailangan namin mag plano at mag ensayo patungkol sa gagawin namin na demo teaching ngunit ang mga estudyante namin ay ang mga kaklase namin. I was just listening to the whole time but my mind couldn’t get to focus that much as I still remember what was the message.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ba kailangan nila akong ganunin kung isang bagay lang naman ang gusto nilang mangyari. Kung may galit man sila sa Mayor, bakit kailangan pa nilang idamay at pagbantaan ng gano’n ang pamilya ko?

“We can do it, girls. Kailangan lang naman natin aralin ang lessons na laman ng textbook natin. Kabisaduhin at magiging smooth naman ang mangyayari.” Ani ni Glenda, isa sa mga kaklase kong babae at ang isa sa mga top ng section namin.

Tumango naman ako. Kaya naman at magiging madali, may mga tanong na maaaring maging mahirap pero kung makakabisado naman at mapapag-aralan ng maayos ang topic, makakaya naman kahit pagbalik baliktarin pa ang tanong.

A loud cheer and giggle from a group of boys caught our attention. Sabay kaming tatlong napatingin sa pumasok. Ang mga mata ko ay mabilis na dumapo sa grupo ng lalaki dahil sa tawanan at hiyawan nila.

My eyes grew bigger as I had a glimpse of a man who hadn’t shown himself for a long time now.

Alex with his undone uniform. Naka-akbay siya sa isang lalaki habang may ngisi sa kaniyang mata. Ibang iba ang kaniyang itsura at ang katawan niya ay parang namayat. No! Namayat talaga siya. May nakakalokong ngisi man sa bibig ngunit ang walang emosyon at tila patay ang kaniyang mga mata.

May pinaguusapan sila na kung ano ngunit ang aking atensyon ay nakatuon sa aking matalik na kaibigan. I badly want to stand up and march towards them, to him. Para lang mabati at makausap dahil may kung anong nagtutulak sa aking isipan na kumustahin siya. But the moment our eyes locked, he just looked at me empty, no emotions danced in his eyes, no joy whispered to his ears, and no smile plaster on his lips just like he used to be.

What happened to him?

Mabilis niyang inalis ang tingin sa akin at umupo sa pinakamalayong lamesa mula sa amin.

“Ang ingay nila! Parang mga hindi engineer!” reklamo ni Glenda.

“Ano ka ba! Ganiyan talaga mga tao sa Engineering, maiingay miski mga babae.” Dagdag naman ni Ronna.

Tumawa si Glenda kaya napatingin ako sa kanila. “Truth. Ganiyan ‘yan sila mga maiingay, akala mo kung sino.” Umirap na sabi ni Glenda bago idukdok ang hawak na tinidor sa kinakain.

Alex isn’t that type of person, a loud and prideful one. He was just like me, or maybe he was just trying to be like me so that I wouldn’t feel so off when I was with him.

My mind filled with thoughts about him, about my bestfriend who surely had a big change. Not only in his appearance but with his ways of being him. No longer the man I used to know.

Simula sa break time hanggang sa mag uwian ay hindi na nawala sa isipan ko ang katanungan at pag-aalala tungkol sa aking kaibigan. Sa sobrang pag-iisip nga ay nadala ko na rin iyon sa trabaho hanggang sa condo ni Seth.

“What’s wrong?” Seth asked. His voice tinged with undeniable concern.

We’re here in his condo and currently having our dinner. He cooked my favorite dish which is sinigang and a fried galunggong. My grip tightened on the utensils I was holding.

I sighed. I raised my eyes from my plate to him, his face with his eyebrows slightly furrowed like he knew exactly that something was up. I knew he could read me, he could easily know if something was wrong, something was bothering me. This was his skill ever since he met me, it was as if he could dig deeper within me in just a blink of an eye.

He knew me very well as if he studied me for centuries to know me better than I knew myself.

Umiling ako upang itago ang iniisip kahit pa alam kong alam naman na niya.

“Wala ‘to.” I scanned his face anticipating his reaction to denying what he already knew.

Mas lalong kumunot ang noo niya at mas lalong nagsalubong ang mga kilay.

“Wife? You can tell me what is it, hmmm.” He said softly, trying to convince me.

Binitawan ako ang hawak kong kutsara at tinidor at tinignan siya ng mataimtim. I know he wouldn’t let this dinner end without me saying anything. He would rather stay here in the kitchen, sit on this table, and wait for me to spit this thing out of my mouth. Seth was very patients with me, he didn’t force something on me or imprint it on our relationship. Baliktad pa nga ata dahil parang ako pa ang mas nasusunod sa amin.

Pero pag mga ganito ang usapin, pag ramdam niyang may iniisip ako ay hindi hindi niya hinahayaan na matapos ang araw ng hindi niya malalaman.

“M-My bestfriend, Alex…” Panimula ko. I felt my body stiffened because of the damn unknown reason. Maybe because it was about my best friend or maybe because he was trying to dig my thoughts up to their inner core.

He swallowed hard the food that was in his throat while looking at me intently.

“You know him right…”

“Yeah, what’s with him?”

“N-Nakita ko kasi siya… Namin ng mga ka group ko sa project kanina sa canteen. It was the time I saw him again after the last time he went to my apartment and got wasted. I-I know he has his reason but I couldn’t help but get worried about him…”

Seth’s eyes bore at me and listened to every word I said. He didn’t speak or interrupt me. He was just listening with deep focus. Gagalaw lang siya kung susubo o iinom ng tubig.

I sighed. I’ve never thought that opening up to him with these thoughts was harder than how it was. But seeing him with nothing but anticipation and attentively listening with pure sincerity was enough to calm me down.

Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko na paramg akong kinakabahan. I shouldn’t feel this way as I was only saying what was bugging my mind.

“Kasi… Huli kong kita sakaniya ay sobrang lugmok siya, nsasaktan at tila wasak na wasak dahil sa gustong mangyari ng magulang niya… Pagkatapos noon ay hindi na siya nagpakita, hindi rin nagparamdam kahit man lang sa text or chat. Ngayon naman makikita koneiya gano’n, ibang iba sa lalaking kasama ko lumaki at magkaroon ng sarili katwiran.”

My voice cracked because of the intensified emotions inside of me. I could feel my eyes burning and ready to fall into tears.

Naramdaman ko ang mabagal na pagdampot ni Seth sa aking kamay at marahan na hinahaplos ng kaniyang daliri ang aking balat ro’n. It was as if he was making me calm despite the thunderstorms within my mind.

A tear fell from my eye but he quickly rose from his seat, leaned forward, and brushed it off from my cheek.

“Hey, don’t cry… Hmm… Your friend could be with something heavy, and perhaps that change in him is his way of trying to escape… Or survive whatever it is he’s silently going through. I know you’re worried but you need to trust him that he can survive that… Or if it’s not enough with you then you can talk to him if there’s a chance…”

He smiled at me assuringly. His face shows how he is serious and sincere with his words, the light from the bulb above us illuminates in his eyes making it more convincing.

He grabbed my right hand and pulled it onto his lips, he then dropped a kiss full of sincerity, love, and affection.

“Let your mind rest and let your heart be at peace. I’m here, Wife. You can always count on me, lean on me. You don’t need to keep those shit alone with yourself.”

“Nag-aalala lang talaga ako…”

“I know, but you need to have faith in him.  He can surely deal with it. Humans are made for battle, we just need someone to talk to, to lean on, and to depend on when in time of need. Talk to him if you think he is ready… Just give him time.”

And just like that, Seth was able to calm me down along the clouds, thunder within me. Maybe I should put my trust in Alex as I knew him as a strong man. I know he can get through whatever it is… And if it’s really because of him being arranged for marriage then… Maybe I need to give him time and space before talking to him again.

Kakatapos ko lang maglinis ng katawan at kakalabas ko lang sa banyo niya rito sa condo na tanging suot lamang ay ang itim na thong at ang grey t-shirt na nag mukha duster sa sobrang laki. Dumiretso ako sa kama at umupo ro’n. I checked some chats from group chats for schools and also chats from siblings and friends.

Ramon: Ate, paubos na bigas namin pero kaya pa naman ‘to ng ilang araw. May mga stocks pa kami ng ulam.

Ramon: Si Tatay panay ang ubo. Sinabihan na ni Nanay na mag pa check up pero panay ang tanggi. Ikaw nga magsabi, Ate.

Hindi na rin naman ako nagtaka na ganun ang sumbong niya patungkol kay Tatay dahil dati pa man ay matigas ng ang ulo nito pagdating sa katawan niya. Nanay always nagging him about his health and how he was on a daily basis but the latter just shrugged everything off and didn’t even listen… A bit.

I was typing my reply when the door opened and Seth’s image slowly emerged as if he didn’t want to disturb whatever I was doing. He was still wearing the same clothes.

His eyes that was looking at my face slowly crawled down to my phone. Kumunot ang noo niya marahil ay nagtataka kung sino ang kausap ko o ka chat ko ro’n. Nang umanga ang paningin niya pabalik sa aking mukha ay lumabot iyon.

Marahan at makisig siyang lumapit sa akin at saka hinagkan ang aking noo.

“Whatcha doing?” He asked huskily. He stood in front of me, his build was towering over me which made me only see his image. Ang dalawang malalaki at malulusig niya braso ay nakapwesto sa magkabilang gilid ko. He was leaning towards me, crouching a bit.

My heart pounded inside my chest. Hindi ko na nga lang napapansin o baka nasasanay nalang rin ako dahil ito naman palagi ang nangyayari pag magkalapit ang aming mga katawan. From our position, I could feel the heat that coming from his body… Like he was a jacuzzi that was emitting a hot smoke.

“Uh… Kausap ko kapatid ko…” I trailed off. He leaned closer, I could feel his face closing the distance between mine and his.

“Yeah,” He answered breathily, he snuggled on my neck. I felt him sniff my neck before he bit it, making me let out a soft gasp.

“S-Seth,”

“You smell so good… You took a bath, hmm?” he asked as he continued landing a soft and sensual bite on my neck.

I couldn’t move my body because of what he was doing, which made me freeze in place. I know what he was trying to do! Lahat ng ginagawa niyang ito ay isa lamang ang patutunguhan.

This big and calloused man right in front of me was insatiable, and I do get that for him. Natural lang naman ang maging gano’n sa edad niya… But the more he touched me, the way he handled me, dominated me, the way I unraveled beneath him… it wasn’t just hunger. It felt like an obsession. Not with me entirely, but with my body—like he was lost in it, addicted to the way I gave in.

I dropped my phone, and with trembling hands, I pressed both palms against his chest, trying to push him away. I could already feel the unsettling, all-too-familiar effect his actions were beginning to have on my body.

Sinubukan ko siyang itulak papalayo ngunit hindi man lang siya gumalaw. Hindi ko alam kung gusto ko ba o hindi ang may mangyari sa amin dalawa ngayon… But the way my body reacts to his touches, to his ways makes me doubt even my existence.

“I want you…”

“Seth, p-puwedeng sa ibang araw nalang—”

“You don’t want to?” He cut me off, his face still buried in my neck.

Sa pwesto niya, ako ang nakakaramdam ng pagkangalay… Ako ang nahihirapan!

I slowly nod my head.

“Really?” I felt his left hand slid inside my shirt. He gripped my skin under my left boob igniting the sleeping flame of desire within me.

I bit my lips to suppress my moan.

“Then why does your body say otherwise, hmm?”

God! This man! Talagang may isasagot siya sa mga sagot ko!

I absentmindedly cocked my head to the side to give him more access to my neck. I heard him hiss before biting me hard. This time it was more sharp, heavy, and firm. Makirot iyon ngunit sa init na unting unting lumiliyab sa aking katawan hindi ko na naisip pa iyon.

The hand that had been gripping my upper waist finally moved upward, gripping my left breast with urgency. He squeezed it with a kind of hunger that pulled a gasp—almost a moan—from my lips.

“Fuck!”

Chapter 26

CHAPTER 26

I woke up unable to feel my body—numb from my waist down to the very root of my feet. We had sex… No! We made love, that’s what he always pertains to. The sensual move and touch that was tinged with unadulterated lust had kindled a burning desire and lust deep within me.

I’m sore, yeah?

I love it; heck, I admit I was looking forward to it the moment I stepped inside his unit. It wasn’t my first, but why was I feeling something that wasn’t familiar to me at all?

We did it many times, with different positions, in different kinds of places. In his car, in my room, in the toilet, and in his room…

I tried to wobble my body, to try if I could even move but I failed. Dahil sa rahas ng mga ginawa niya, ramdam ko ang gigil at ang matinding pagkasabik niya sa akin na para bang may ginawa akong hindi nanaman niya nagustuhan. The way he gripped my butt cheek while thrusting his member deep inside of me was enough to know how greedy he is when it comes to sex.

Kinapa ko ang baywang ko ngunit ang matigas na braso ni Seth ang sumalubong sa akin. Kaya naman pala parang sobrang bigat dahil nakayakap siya sa akin. I shifted my position and looked at his sleeping face. His hair was disheveled, but he’s still looking fine. Medyo naka awang ang bibig niya at ang mga mata ay kalmadong nakasara, napako ang tingin ko sa kniyabg mahahabang pilikmata.

Ganun rin ba siya karahas sa mga na-ikama niya? Ganun rin ba siya kasabik sa mga babaeng una niyang nagalaw bago ako? Heck, he was my first… In everything. I don’t have my first kiss till him and now thinking about his past experiences with his past… Those women who came before me were just giving me an undeniable pain.

Tama bang makaramdam ako ng sakit at bigat sa dibdib habang iniisip ang mga babaeng naikama niya bago ako? Tama lang naman siguro, normal lang naman siguro.

I feel the tears forming in my eyes. Gosh! I’m petty! I shouldn’t have woken up in the first place kung ganito lang ang naiisip ko! Napaka random, Riz!

I placed my hands on his cheek and caressed it tenderly. I love him so much, he was the man who broke into my heart just to make me feel these feelings, feelings of being in love with someone. He made me look into another side of my life, into a wide view of my small world. He made me feel how it feels to walk into the rainbows using his warmth and gentleness.

Mabilis na bumuhos ang luha ko dahil sa isang kaisipan na biglang sumulpot sa aking utak. What if one day he left me? What if he gets tired of me? Or he’ll break up with me b’cuz he finally realizes my incapabilities?

My heart tightened in pain, making me gasp for breath.

God! I hope this man will never ever leave me… Because if ever that happens, I will be turned into ashes, I’ll be damned, poisoned, and die in a bit.

I couldn’t afford to lose him, not in this lifetime. I love him, I love this man named Seth Adriel Del Prado.

I love the Mayor of the municipality of San Fuego.

And just by thinking of him leaving me makes me go sick and crazily doomed in his love.

I covered my mouth with the palm I used to caress his cheek to suppress my sobs. Fuck! It hurts! Ang sakit sakit pala.

Ano kaba, Riz? Nagising kalang nang hindi mo magalaw ang katawan mo, kung ano ano na naiisip mo. Baliw ka naba?!

I sniffed, trying hard not to make a sound. Naiihi tuloy ako, pero paano ako tatayo at magbabanyo kung ganito’t hindi ko magalaw ang katawan ko.

Tumihaya ako at tumitig sa makinis at magandang kisame ng kaniyang kwarto. Alam niya ang mga naganap sa buhay ko, sinabi at naikwento ko sakaniya pero ako… Ni miski tungkol sa nakaraan niya ay wala na kahit man lang sa ex-girlfriend niya, o kaya sa mga naganap na importante sa buhay niya. He was totally like a closed book with a title and synopsis written and showing on its cover.

It struck me then—just how little I truly knew about him. He didn’t even tell me something about his past. Palaging ako nalang pala ang napapag-usapan namin, it’s either about me or someone close to me.

Dahil sa matinding pag-iisip ay nakaramdam ako ng gutom ngunit naalala ko nanaman na hindi pala ako makakatayo. Fuck! I was like half-dead laying here with him. Damn him! He did me so hard this time!

I shrieked when I tried to move but the pain from my hips suddenly emerged. Fucking shit! Hindi na talaga ako magpapadala sa mga halik at kagat niya…
Wait!? He bit me! Punyeta panigurado ay may mga marka nanaman na iniwan ang makasalanan niyang bibig!

Dahil sa labis na naman na pag-iisip ay hindi ko na namalayan na nakatulogan ko na ang mga iyon. Kinaumagahan nagising ako na namamanhid pa rin ang aking balakang pababa.

I looked around to find the man behind the reason of this nightmare but he wasn’t here. I woke up alone in this big and comfy bed. Nakaramdam ako ng yamot at inis dahil wala siya dito.

Nasaan nanamn ba ang lalaking iyon? Is he in the kitchen? I tried to pull myself up only to find myself sprung back to the bed. Shit! Ang sakit at makirot pa rin siya. Damn him! Dapat nandito siya nang magising ako dahil siya ang gumawa nito.

Pero nagustuhan mo naman, Riz.

Fuck!

Ginulo ko ang aking buhok at impit na umungot habang iniinda ang kirot sa balakang. Nababaliw na ata ako! Nababaliw na ako sa ginagawa at epekto niya sa akin. Hindi ko aakalain na ganito magiging tama ko sa kaniya, na ganito ako magiging lubog sa nararamdaman ko para sa kaninya.

The door creaked and opened. Ang imahe ni Seth na walang suot na pang itaas at tanging jersey short lang ang suot. He was holding a wooden tray that had a plate that consisted of fried rice, fried eggs, and a hotdog. May dalawang baso rin na nakalagay ro’n which I know na coffee.

“Morning, how was your sleep?” He asked, his eyes looked at me full of adoration while he smiled at me sweetily.

“Good!” Liar!

“I cooked us our breakfast, let’s eat here.” binaba niya yung tray sa bedside table at may kinuha sa gilid ng kama niya na isang folding table.

Pinagmasdan ko lang siya habang ginagawa ang mga ‘yon.  Hindi ako makatingin ng matagal sa kan’ya dahil nga topless siya kaya bawat minuto na gumagalaw siya ay pabaling baling ako sa ibang bagay.

“My mom called me and invited us for lunch. Shall we go?” Tanong niya habang kumakain na kami.

Nabulunan ako sa bigla niyang tanong kaya mabilis niyang kinuha ang tubig na hindi ko alam sa’n nang galing dahil wala naman iyon sa tray niya kanina.

Shit! I thought I was gonna die! Bakit naman kasi ngayon mo pa itatanong ‘yan!

“You okay? Eat slowly, the food will not run from you.” He laughed. I threw him a sharp glance.

“Nice joke,”

I rolled my eyes at him.

“I’m sorry, I was just kidding.” Aniya.

Bahagya akong natawa ngunit hindi ko nalang rin ipinakita sa kaniya. Yumuko at do’n ko inilabas ang ngisi sa aking labi. Nag-sorry agad e, takot ka pala eh.

Kaya lang mabilis ko rin inangat ang ulo ko nang matandaan ang kaniyang tanong.

“I know! But did we need to go? I mean… O-Okay lang naman sa’kin. P-Promise…”

Naningkit ang mga mata niyang sinalubong ang mga mata ko. The way he looked at me was like he was weighing me and my say about it, the very same thing he did every time we talked about it. But this time he just shrugged it out before starting to fix the food as he concluded that I was done eating.

Busog na rin ba siya? Bakit nagliligpit na!

“You know if you are still not ready I can call her to say that we can’t go, I’m not pressuring you to meet them I just wanted you to know that my parents want to meet you badly.”

Pinagmamasdan ko lang siya sa pagligpit ng mga kinain namin. Nang makita ko na hindi niya kayang madala ang lahat kasama ang baso at pitsel ng tubig ay mabilis ko iyon na kinuha at naunang lumabas.

Why am I feeling something wasn’t right? Or am I just overreacting about his mom’s invitation?

Baka naman totoo talaga na gusto lang nila kaming inbitahan o baka gusto lang talaga nila akong makilala. I want to give them, especially her the benefit of the doubt since I can’t just judge her based on one scenario I witnessed.

Dumiretso ako sa lababo at nilagay ro’n ang dala kong pitsel at baso. Ilang segundo lang rin ay pumasok sa kusina si Seth dala ang tray na naglalaman ng mga kinain namin. He went straight to where I was and settled the tray down to the sink,  he then went on my back and snaked his arms around my waist.

I let him hug me from behind while I was starting the choirs, and washing the plates.

“We can go next time, just please don’t stay silent.” He whispered.

Umiling ako. Hindi naman ako galit o ano, bakit ganito ang mga salitaan niya?

“No, Seth. We’ll go and have our lunch with your parents. I’m not mad or something, I was just thinking about what would be their reaction about us… About me.”

“They’ll be happy,”

“You’re not them, Seth.”

“But I know them,”

Natahimik ulit ako sa kaniyang sinabi. O ano ka ngayon? Ano na isasagot mo sa panutsada niya?

Tumango nalang ako at tinapos ang aking ginagawa habang nakayakap pa rin siya sa akin. Nang matapos ay sunod ko namang ginawa ay lagyan ng tubig ang pitsel at linisin ang mga marurumi kong nakikita sa kaniyang kusina.

Seth went to his room to take a shower as we will leave by ten. Uuwi rin kami dahil wala akong susuotin na damit dahil wala naman akong pang-porma na damit dito sa condo ninya.

Habang inaayos ko ang pinaghigaan namin ay tumunog ang phone niya na nakapatong sa bedside table. Curiosity wins the best of me so I went to where it was to have a look at his phone.

Mommy: Just let your girlfriend wear whatever she wants to, don’t control her too much. I’m telling you, Adriel.

It was his mother, my heart pounded and there were like warm hands enveloping me at that moment. She doesn’t want me controlled by his son…

But Seth wasn’t controlling me… What does she mean by it?

His phone beeped again and it was another message.

Maurice: Are you busy? I need to tell you something.

My heart pounded again but this time it was mixed with a cold breeze around my chest. My stomach churned and I felt my legs wobble.

Who is Maurice?

My mind started to go around a circle thinking about the person behind the second message… And what’s her status with my boyfriend?

Is she a friend of him? An old friend? Is she one of his people in the municipal hall? His secretary?

And maybe Maurice is a he? Baka nag ooverthink nanaman ata ako? Na baka kinakain na naman akong nang labis kong pag iisip.

Kahit na nanginginig ang buong katawan ko hindi lang ang binti ko at tinatambol ang dibdib ko ay pinili ko nalang na lang na tapusin ang pag-ayos sa kama saka lumabas.

I chose to wait for him in the living room along with my things. I remember the thoughts that were lingering in my mind last night at mas napatunayan ko ‘yon ngayon. Wala akong masiyadong alam sa kaniya, wala akong alam o kilala sa mga taong konektado sakaniya maliban sa Nanay niya, sa kapatid niyang si Sylas at ang mga tauhan niya.

Other than that, I don’t know anything else about him and what I just saw earlier was enough to slap me from the truth.

“Here you are… You ready?” Tanong nito matapos na humalik sa aking ulo.

Ako lang rin naman kasi talaga ang pala salita sa amin, ako ang madaldal kaya paano ako magkakaroon ng kaalaman tungkol sa kaniya.

“Wife? You okay? What are you thinking about?” Si Seth na nakapantay na sa akin.

“Uh… Wala, andiyan ka na pala. Aalis na ba tayo?”

Hindi ko na namalayan na nakatulala na pala ako at kanina pa niya akong tinatanong. I was too occupied by my storm again.

“Yeah but what’s wrong?” Tanong niya.

Napatingin ako sa kaniyang kamay na nasa magkabilang gilid ko habang naka upo siya sa harap ko. Sa kanan niyang kamay ay na ro’n ang phone niya.

I immediately shifted my gaze from it guiltily. I wasn’t supposed to do that, it was his privacy.

“Wala nga. Tara na?” Ani ko bago tumayo kaya napabuwal siya sa pagkakakulong sa akin.

Hindi ko na siya hinintay na sumagot at dali-dali kong kinuha ang bag ko at lumabas ng condo niya.

Maybe it was my fault for bypassing his privacy, I wasn’t supposed to do that as it wasn’t a good thing. I may be his partner, his girlfriend but it doesn’t mean I can cross the line when it comes to his privacy. But it was really wrong of me? Maybe yes cu’z it affects me so much now that it has taken all of my attention and focus.

Buong byahe ay tahimik lang ako, nagsasalita siya at nagtatanong kung okay ba ako at kung talagang ayos lang sa akin ang pagdalo sa inbitasyon ng kaniyang ina. I answered, all of his queries cuz it was my truth. Okay lang sa akin, pero hindi ko masasabing ayos lang ako ngayon na nagsisimulang gumulo ang utak ko dahil sa maraming bagay.

Nang makapagbihis sa aking apartment, we immediately hit the road to go to their mansion. It wasn’t far away from where I lived, perhaps it was near like four streets and five blocks away.

I simply wear a white duster-like dress. The one that Jenny gave to me last last month, was enough to emphasize the color of my skin, and the feature of my body as it wasn’t that too tight and not too loose.

Nag-ayos lang rin ako ng kaunti para hindi halatang may mga bagay akong iniisip.

“Son!” His father greeted us the moment we stepped in into their mansion.

Ang bahay nila ay sobrang laki kung sisipatin at titignan mula sa labas, dagdag mo pa na nakatayo ito sa medyo pataas na bahagi ng subdivision.

The living room of their house was decorated and designed to be looked  like we were in some kind of western castle. Sobrang intrikado at kung ibabase lang rin sa mga nakikita ay alam mong ginawa ito gamit ang mga pera na alam mong pinaghirapan nila.

“Dad” pagbati nito pabalik.

I just looked and watched them greeting each other, nakatayo lang ako at nangingiting please nagmamasdan sila.

His father was more likely to look like him, he was like his older yet handsome version of him. Every side and point of his face was like the original Seth and his son was like his clone.

Nang kumalas sila sa yakapan ay tumingin sa akin ang kaniyang ama. Humarap rin sa akin si Seth at iginaya niya ang kamay niya upang sabihin na lumapit ako.

“And she is?”

My heart starts to go wild as this was my first to getting introduced to my boyfriend’s parents  and it was his Dad who I saw here first. Where his mom?

“Yes, Dad. This is Riz, my girlfriend. And she’s a transgender.” He introduced to his dad proudly.

His dad smiled at me and nodded his head. “Good to finally meet you, hija. I’m Sebastian Andrei, Seth’s father… And is it true that you are…” he trailed off.

“Hi, po. Riz po. Nice to meet you rin po… At opo, t-transgender po ako.”

His mouth forms an O before offering his hand. “Call me Tito Seb, Riz.”

“T-Tito Seb.”

I feel Seth’s warm and big hands snake around my waist. He kissed me on my cheeks and I badly wanted to protest dahil harap kami ng Daddy niya. Pero wala rin akong magawa dahil masyado aking kinakabahan.

“Geez! Love birds! Anyways, let’s go to the dining room and continue this introducing their. Yeah?”

“O-Okay po,”

“Dad, where’s Mom?”

“Your mom is still in our room, she’ll be here. Let’s go?”

Chapter 27

CHAPTER 27

Nang-igayak ako ni Seth upang sundan si Tito Seb papasok sa dining area, ganun na lamang ang panlalaki at pagkamangha ko sa sumalubong sa akin.

Their dining area here was like the whole coffee shop I work at. Sa gitna ay may marmol na lamesa at hugis parehaba ito, bawat sulok ng lamesa ay may disenyo ng maliliit na anghel. At sa bawat gilid naman nito ay ang mga upuan na hindi ko mawari kung gawa rin ba sa marmol. In the middle of the ceiling, there’s a white and golden chandelier that hangs proudly as if it knew its purpose to be nothing but the pride of this dining room.

“Magandang tanghali po, Sir at Ma’am.” sabay sabay na bumati ang mga kasambahay nila sa amin.

Tumango si Tito Seb sa mga kasambahay habang si Seth naman ay kinumpas lang ang kaniyang kamay.

“M-Magandang umaga ho.” Pagbabalik ko ng pagbati sakanila na ikinangiti nila.

Tito Seb went straight to the far-center corner of this rectangular table. He stood on the back of the chair and looked at us. He then smiled at me before looking at his son, who was standing beside me, while his big, veiny hands were relaxingly anchored around my waist.

“Son, Riz. Have a sit.” Tito Seb said. The way he spoke the word ‘sit’ was friendly, yet there was a tinge of command in his tone.

“Yeah, Dad.” Seth pulled a chair for me. Mabilis naman akong umupo ro’n dahil siguro sa kaba na kanina pa tumatambol sa puso ko.

I don’t know but the very moment I stepped into this mansion, there’s this thought inside my head that rang me like a damn alarm. It was like I shouldn’t make any mistakes as this was a formal for me, for us, as I would be introduced to his parents. Para tuloy akong isang robot na nakaprogram sa akin na hindi dapat ako gumawa ng kahit anong pagkakamali o kahit anong nakakahiyang galaw.

I roamed my eyes once again through the whole room. Sobrang ganda talaga ng dining area nila, at mahahalata mo rin sa mga gamit nila na hindi basta basta ang mga halaga nito. Kahit nga ang mga suot ng mga kasambahay nila ay parang gawa rin sa isang mamahaling tela.

Isa nga lang ang napansin ko na kakaiba, yun ay ang mga kilos ng mga tao rito. Sabay sabay at sobrang linis nila gumalaw, na para bang pinagpraktisan nila iyon ng ilang buwan. Pero kung ako rin naman kasi ang magtatrabago sa ganitong klaseng pamilya ay siguro ganun rin ang gagawin ko.

“So, hija. Ilang taon ka na?” Napabaling ang tingin ko kay Tito Seb mula sa pag-iikot nito sa buong silid-kainan nila.

Hindi na kumalma ang puso ko sa kaba kahit pa nahihigaan ko naman na mabait ang Tatay ni Seth.

I looked at him, trying hard not to show him that I was too nervous.

“Uh… 20 years old po.” Sagot ko. Gusto kong pangaralan ang sarili ko dahil hindi man lang ako nautal.

Nagtaas ng kilay si Tito Seb bagong balingan ang kaniyang anak na nasa aking tabi. Ngumisi ito sa paraan na parang na may pag ka aliw.

“You’re still… young, huh?”

“But not too young to marry, yeah?” Sagot agad ni Seth.

Nanlaki ang mga mata kong binalingan siya. Wala talaga preno ang bibig nitong taong ‘to.

Natawa ang kaniyang Tatay habang sinuklay ang buhok pataas.

Pumasok isa-isa ang mga kasambahay na may dalang mga putahe na umuusok pa na halata mong bagong luto. Isa isa nila itong nilapag sa lamesa at saktong sa harap ko pa nila nailapag ang sinigang na baboy.

“Too scared that someone might steal her from you?”

“Who’s scared of whom?”

Bago pa lang makasagot si Seth ay sabay sabay kaming napabaling sa nagsalita at sa kakasok pa lang sa silid na ang kaniyang Nanay.

Malakas na tumambol ang aking dibdib na kahit ano mang oras ay lalabas na ito sa aking dibdib. Seth’s mom went straight to him, She was wearing a crimson red dress paired with red slippers; she didn’t have any accessories other than her earrings. Kung ano ang itsura niya noong nakita ko siya sa shop at sa apartment ko ay ganun pa rin at walang pinagbago.

“Son,” She greeted Seth.

Seth stood up to greet his mom, ganun rin ang ginawa ko. Tumayo ako upang magbigay galang sa kaniya.

“Mom,” Seth greeted her back before kissing him on her cheek.

Hus mother’s eyes bore at me, which made my heart hammer inside my chest, loud and hard.

“Sorry kung natagalan ako bumaba, may inayos lang ako sa kuwarto. Anyways, is she your girlfriend, right?”

“Yes, Mom.” Seth’s hand swiftly landed on my back. “Mom, this is Riz, my girlfriend. Riz, this is my mom.”

“H-Hi, po.”

“Hi, hija. We have already met several times, if I’m not mistaken, and kasama ka ni Sylas nung sa party ng mga corpuz, right?”

Tumango ako bilang pagsagot sa kaniyang sinabit. She’s all smiles while looking at me as I nod my head.

“Right. Again, I’m Melinda, Seth’s mother.” She offered her hand. I immediately took her hand and shook it, but to my surprise, she suddenly pulled me in for a hug.

“Nice meeting you again, hija.” She whispered.

My heart felt so warm hearing it from her. Just like that, I felt all my doubts and fears swept away and were now all gone instantly.

Wala akong ibang naramdaman kundi tuwa sa akin puso dahil sa pagtanggap nila sa akin. Na makitang walang ibang emosyon ang mukha nila kundi kagalakan at tuwa. For me, it was one of my core memories of being his girlfriend.

I have never been in a relationship, so I never had a chance to experience this formal introduction until this, till Seth. But being introduced to my partner’s parents and experiencing how they accept me as their son’s partner, his girlfriend. It was such a warm in my heart.

Nang bawiin niya ang kaniyang sarili wala akong ibang nakita sa kaniyang mukha kundi ang pagiging totoo. I suddenly feel guilty. I judged her before for being a hater of my kind. Na inakala ko na magiging iba rin ang trato niya sa akin dahil lang sa isang kaganapan na nakita ng dalawa kong mata.

“Nice to meet you rin po, Ma’am.”

“Oh please, just call me Tita Milda.”

“Okay po,”

“Great! O’siya! Tuloy nalang natin itong pag-chichikahan habang kumakain. Gutom na rin kasi ako.” She held her tummy and chuckled.

Natawa rin ako bahagya dahil sa kaniyang inakto.
When we started to eat the food, Seth was the one who prepared and took all the dishes for me. Ayoko pa sana kaso wala na akong magawa dahil nanonood ang kaniyang mga magulang.

Both of them were so attentive to our actions towards each other as if we were some kind of romantic drama that they were watching.

Alam kona hindi lang natatapos ang ganap na ito sa simpleng pagbati like. Of course, I knew they would shower me with questions about my background and my family. They asked me about my roots, which I answered with grace. I also told them my history, as I was only adopted by my family. Habang nag-k-kwento ako ay wala akong nakitang iba sa kanilang mukha kundi ang simpatya at saya habang nagsasalita ako.

“So as I heard from my second son, you were studying at our university, right?” Tita Milda asked as she watched me chew the chicken.

I nodded before answering. “Yes po. Secondary education po ang kinuha ko, hilig ko rin po kasi ang mag turo.”

She nodded at my response, she then looked at Seth with a smile on her lips.

“What year are you in?” Si Tito Seb naman ngayon ang nagtanong, hindi na ito kumakain siguro dahil tapos at busog na siya. He was just looking at us.

“Uh… 2nd year na po.”

“Great! Finish your course, hija. Teaching is good, and I think you would be great in that field. My son must have a good eye for a partner, yeah?” ngumisi ito sa anak pagkatapos niyang sabihin ang huling bahagi.

Nag-init ang pisngi ko dahil sa kaniyang sinabi. Matunog na ngumisi lang si Seth bago lagyan ulit ng baboy ang plato ko na para bang wala kaming ibang kasama sa hapag.

“Seth…”

“What? You need to eat a lot, you’re so thin and tiny.” Aniya habang nagsasandok ng ulam.

Masarap ang mga luto nila lalo na sa paborito ko. Nasasayangan nga lang ako sa ibang putahe dahil sobeang dami nito e ilan lang kaming kumakain. Kanina ko pa nga gustong ayain ang mga kasambahay kaso baka masyado na akong pabida nun.

“Matanong lang po. Nasaan po yung isa n’yong anak? Si Sylas po.” I asked curiously. Kita ko sa gilid ng mata ko ang pagtigil ni Seth sa pag-aasikaso sa akin at matalim akong tiningnan.

Tumawa naman si Tito Seb kaya napabaling ako sa kaniya.

“Sylas is not with us since he’s in Manila for his studies.” Casual na sagot ni Tita Milda.

So nag-aaral pa pala siya? Ano kaya course niya? Siguro ako isa iyon sa mga sikat na kuros? Engineering? Architecture?

“But my youngest son was here; he’s upstairs, probably still sleeping or might be playing on his computer.” Dagdag naman ni Tito Seb.

Youngest? So tatlo sila at puro lalaki pa. Akala ko dalawa lang sila at si Sylas na ang pinakabata. Parang gusto ko tuloy biglang mag-usisa pa patungkol sa bunso nilang anak kaso masyado na ata akong nagiging relax at feel at home kung ganun.

“Stop asking about my brother and continue eating,” matigas na sabi ni Seth.

Natikom ko ang bibig ko at mabilis na sinusunod ang kaniyang sinabi. Para kasi siyang biglang pinalibutan ng bagyo at sobrang dilim na paligid ng kaniyant mukha. Kinantyawan lang siya nina Tito at Tita.

Nagpatuloy ang pag-kwentuhab namin kahit pa tapos na kami kumain ng tanghalian. Habang nasa sala kaming dalawa ni Tita Milda na kwento niya sa akin kung paano nag-umpisa ang pagkakaroon ng interes ni Seth sa politika.

“Seth wasn’t really into politics, he was built and trained just to be the successor of our businesses. But one day, he went home drenched and with blood on his hands. Yun pala ay may nangyari na sa kaniya na wala kaming kaalam alam, we also tried to ask our bodyguards, but even they did not know what happened. We tried to ask him what happened, but he was just dodging our questions. Napag alaman nalang namin na may kinalaman pala ‘to sa mga Del Fuego.”

Gulat man ngunit pinanatili ko ang emosyon ko. I know that this must be hard for her to tell, it was the root of the legacy of his son as the Mayor of this town. The very reason why Seth was so passionate and serious when it came to leading this whole municipality.

Tumingin siya sa akin na ang mga mata ay may halo halong emosyon, bagamat ngumingiti man ay alam kong mabigat ito sa kaniya.

She sighed. Pinilit niya ngumiti bago umiling.  “Enough of this. It shouldn’t be our topic. Why don’t you tell me how you and my son started having this… relationship?”

I just looked at her. I know that there’s more than what she just brought and said about Seth. It may be confidential to know, and might be one of their family’s secrets. And I may be wrong to feel that something was missing in those words she tells.

“Uh… Tita…” 

“Oh! Sorry! Wag na ‘yon, if you’re uncomfortable talking about it. Let it be, okay?” Aniya.

Wala na rin naman din ako masabi. Hindi ko naman puwedeng sabihin na stalker ang anak niya. It may sound like a joke if I say that, but it still sounds a little bit off. Stalker was a bit of a word to describe him for liking me back then. At takot ko lang na baka magalit pa sa akin si Tita Milda at maisip pa na pangit pala ang tingin ko sa anak niya dati.

Tita Milda and I just talked the whole moment, she tells a lot of stories about her 3 sons. Natatawa ako sa mga nai-kuwento niya about sa pagiging maloko ng panganay niya. At napag-alaman ko rin na bata palang ay talaga hubog na hubog na si Seth ng kaniyang lolo upang mamuno ng kanilang negosyo.

I don’t know what kind of businesses they have, and I honestly don’t even have an interest in knowing about it. Pero nabanggit ni Tita Milda na may isa silang negosyo sa Manila, it was a shipping line. At ang kasalukuyan na humahawak no’n ay ang pinsan ni Seth. Hindi nga lang nabanggit ni Tita ang pangalan.

The whole day that I was in their mansion, I felt nothing but joy. The happiness surge through my whole body like a damn medicine. Sobrang gaan at ang saya lang sa pakiramdam. To think that the person who brought the man you love into this world accepted you to be their son’s partners was like dancing in the clouds.

OA man pero iyon lang ang totoo tungkol sa nararamdaman ko. Walang kakaiba, puro kasiyahan lang.

Nang mag alas-syete ay nagpasya na rin si Seth na ihatid ako sa bahay. Buti nalang talaga ay wala akong pasok sa trabaho at sa university ngayon. Pero dahil sa saya na namumutawi sa aking kaloob looban ay feeling ko kaya ko pa mag shift ng hanggang alas dose.

“Wife,” Malambing na tawag sa akin ni Seth habang nagluluto ako sa kusin sa aking apartment.

Nagsabi kasi ito na rito raw muna siya matutulog hanggang lunes dahil gusto niya raw ako makasama. He said that by Monday, he and the members of his party list would have an election campaign meeting. Kaya raw magiging busy siya, I also asked him about it and he said that he might not be with me for at least a week. Sinabi ko lang rin naman na h’wag siyang mag alala dahil okay naman ako at hindi naman sa akin kaso iyon.

“Hmmm,”

I feel his presence behind me, and just like what he always does, he encircled his hands around me. Binaon niya ang kaniyang mukha sa aking leeg at inaamoy amoy iyon. Bahagya akong natawa dahil sa kiliting bigay no’n.

“Don’t you think it would be fine if I didn’t run for another term this election?” He seriously asked.

Napahinto ako sa paghalo ng aking niluluto ng chopsuey. Mabilis na kumalat sa aking ang pagtataka dahil sa kaniyang sinabi.

“Why would you think that?”

Mas binaon niya ang kaniyang mukha sa aking leeg at hinigpitan ang kaniyang yakap.

“Nothing… I just thought of it the whole time. I just want to be with you, and maybe I could finally focus on our business. Besides, the whole San Fuego is now safe and doing fine.”

“Seth,”

Pinahinaan ko ang apoy ng aking niluluto at bahagyang kinalas ang kaniyang kamay mula sa pagkakayapos sa akin. I turned my body, facing him. I see raw emotions dancing in his eyes as he looked at me, worriedly.

“If it’s because of me, then I will not say it’s fine. Kahit na babase pa rin ito sa desisyon mo, pero sa akin hindi siya magiging okay.”

“Wife, that’s not—”

I placed my two hands on his jaw.

“I don’t want to be the cause of your retirement as the Mayor of this place. Honestly, I don’t think there would be another Mayor who will lead this place that great, other than you.”

Okay, I said the last part just to make him continue his leadership, but it was my truth as well. Pero alam ko rin naman na may ibang tao rin na kayang mamuno kagaya niya.

Tumingkayad ako at pumikit para patakan siya ng halik sa bibig. I want him to know that I am okay, whatever his decision is, but I’m not agreeing to his idea of not continuing what he has been doing before I came into his life. Isa pa, magaling siya bilang isang Mayor, isang taong namumuno sa isang malaking lugar tulad nito. Kung una ay hindi ko iyon pinapansin o tinatanggap, pero sa aking nakikita sa paligid, kung paano maging mapayapa at maging maganda ang buong lugar sa ilalim ng kaniyang pamumuno. It was enough to be the voice of his leadership.

I know that having peace and making the place beautiful and clean wasn’t enough for a leader to have the title of being a wise one. But this was one of the things that a leader must do for the place he leads.

Hindi ko man alam ang buo sa pamamahala niya, kung may dumi ba siyang ginagawa sa likod ng maganda at mapayapa niyang pamumuno. But I don’t think he would be that one leader who only leads for money rather than to lead for the betterment of his people.

Namumungay ang mata niyang tiningnan ako.

“You are good at leading, Seth. And I want to see you still leading this place until I become a licensed teacher.”

Pumikit siya ng mariin bago tumango ng dahan dahan.

“Sige ka, aawayin kita kung titigil ka dahil lang sa akin. Magagalit ako sayo.” Pananakot ko sa kaniya.

Mabilis naman tumalim ang kaniyang tingin sa akin. Alam kong ayaw niyang mangyari iyon pero alam niya naman na biro ko lang iyon.

Buti nalang at natapos rin ang pag-uusap namin tungkol sa pagtigil niya sa pamumuno. Habang kumakain kami ay hindi na napunta ro’n ang aming usapan, we just talked about how today went by. Sinabi ko rin sa kaniya ang nakwento sa akin ng Mom niya. Nga lang parang hindi natuwa si Seth at nagtanong pa kung hanggang saan ang na ikwento ng kaniyang Mom.

“Hanggang do’n lang iyon, Seth. Bakit? May kasunod pa bang iyon?” tanong ko.

Umiling lang naman siya at bumuntong hininga.

I weighed his reaction. I could sense that there’s more to it than his mom tells me. And to see how he reacted, it felt like he didn’t want me to know about it.

But why?

Is it so traumatic that he didn’t want to reminisce about it? Or is it too deep? That’s why he couldn’t let it resurface?

Kalaunan ay hindi ko na lang rin inisip iyon. Masyado na akong nagpapalamon sa mga bagay at lagi akong nagpapa apekto kaya rin masyado ko iyon iniisip.

Naalimpungatan ako sayo hindi ko mawaring dahilan. I looked at the man beside me, he was sleeping soundly and calmly. Sobrang kalmado at ang gaan ng kaniyang mukha. Para siyang bata na walang iniisip at sarap na sarap matulog. His hands were caging me like I was some kind of treasure that he didn’t want to get stolen.

Tumunog ang phone niya dahil sa paparating na tawag. I immediately got out of bed to go to where his cellphone was.

Maurice is calling…

My heart tightened at the name that was showing on his phone. It was the same name that texted him yesterday.

Tinitigan ko lang iyon at walang balak sagutin. Who’s this person? What’s between them?

Nang nawala ang pangalan ay sunod sunod na message ang nagpop-up sa screen.

Maurice: Are you asleep?
I ask you to meet me. I need to tell you something.
Fuck, Adriel. Reply to my messages.
Don’t wait for me to meet your new side girl and tell her our little secrets. I’m telling you, Adriel.

And just like that I felt my dream starting to crumble… I’m not stupid to not to know what this person’s gender is. Babae siya. Nasisigurado! Her choice of words was enough for me to know! And bakit pa ba siya namimilit na makipagkita kay Seth kung lalaki ‘to? And for a woman to push a man to see her? For what?

My heart hammered along with the pain blooming inside my chest. As much as I didn’t want to conclude a thing about him and this woman, my heart and my mind tell me that there’s a possibility something is going on between them.

With my hand trembling from the extreme emotion, I grabbed his phone and stared at the messages. Niloloko ba ako ni Seth? Hindi naman diba? Sana hindi dahil hindi ko ata kayang dalhin ang sakit sa akin. This was my first relationship, my first love, and they say that the first love could break you intolerably.

I want to open his phone, but there’s something in me saying that I shouldn’t. Dahil ba mas masasaktan ako kapg binasa ko ang nilalaman ng messages nila? O mayro’n pa.

My eyes began to blur, clouded by the tears that had long been waiting to fall. Gusto kong makita, o makibasa sa mga usapan nila. Ayoko man pagdudahan, ayaw ko man pero ang tiwala na nabuo ko sa panahon na kami ay naguumpisang magkaroon ng lamat.

Is he cheating on me?

Slowly, I put his phone down and went to the living room. Naupo ako sa sofa at tulalang napatitig sa kawalan. Yes, Riz! There was a chance that the calloused man was cheating on you! Hindi nga niya masabi man lang ang kahit anong parte ng kaniyang nakaraan. He can’t even bring himself to talk about his childhood, so what more about the things he doesn’t want to share? The things he wants to be kept hidden.

Hindi naman ako naging mahigpit ah? Hindi rin nga kaso sa akin ang pagpapalit ng social media account. Because I valued the privacy of an individual so much. I respect and understand that we have our privacy, but this wasn’t the type of privacy I valued!

Tulala ako hanggang nakita ko na lang na sumungaw si Seth mula sa hamba ng pinto. Pumupungay pa ang knitang mata, mga buhok ay magulo.

“Wife, what’s wrong?” Tanong niya ng makalapit sa akin.

Pinanatili ko ang pagiging tulala ko dahil hindi ko pa rin maintindihan ang lahat ng mga bagay na tumatakbo sa aking utak. Should I tell him? Should I confront him about that woman? Or the best thing I could do is just keep it to myself?

The pain within my chest is evidently from what I saw!

Seth bent his legs to level with mine. His eyes looked at me, clearly worried and puzzled as to why I was here, while staring blankly into nothing.

Gusto kong maiyak sa bigat at sakit na nararamdaman ko, pero ang naiisip ko lang ay hindi dapat ako nagpapadalos dalos.

He cupped my cheeks as he gently yet worriedly captured my gaze. Doon lamang ako napatingin sa kaniya. Nang magtagpo ang mata namin ay parang gusto ko nalang mabuwal at umiyak. Bakit ganito? Ganito siya tumingin sa akin na para bang wala siyang tinatago? Bakit?

“Hey, baby. What’s wrong? What’s bothered you to be this…” hindi niya tinuloy ang dapat sabihin at malalim siyang bumuntong hininga.

“Seth,”

“Hmmm?”

Hindi ako sumagot bagkos ay tumitig lang ako sa kaniyang mukha, pilit hinahanap ang mga bagay na tinarago niya sa akin, na kung may balak ba talaga siyang sabihin sa akin ang mga iyon. I stared at his eyes straight as if I could find the answer to the questions inside my mind.

Bakit ko nga ba ginagawa e puwede ko naman siyang tanongin nalang. But I know that there’s a big part of me that doesn’t want to ask him straight, no matter how much pain I am feeling.

“Wife? Baby?”

Nakikipagtitigan lang ako at hindi pa rin sumasagot. Nang makalipas ang ilang minutong ganun ay marahan kong hinawakan ang magkabila niyang kamay na nakahawak sa aking pisngi at dahan dahan iyong tinanggal.

After I removed his hands, I stood up and looked at him coldly.

“Wala, sige na balik na tayo sa loob.”

Hindi ko na hinintay pang sumagot siya at mabilis kong iniwan ang lalaki ro’n. I have decided to keep this for now. For now. Kahit pa masakit pero hindi ko ipapakita o ipapaalam na may alam ako. Hihintayin kong siya mismo ang magsabi o ang panahon na makita ko na mismo ang totoo gamit ang dalawa kong mga mata.

Bakit, Riz, hindi pa ba katotohanan ang nakita mo?

Yes, it was a part of the truth, but not the whole. I don’t want to act and decide recklessly. I want to be wiser with my decisions and moves.

Let the word speak, and the faith flows in the right direction. Truth is everything, but fate is absolute.

Chapter 28

CHAPTER 28

Nagising ako kinaumagahan na mabigat ang aking pakiramdam. Masakit rin ang mata ko kahit na hindi naman ako umiyak kagabi dahil sobra ko iyong pinigilan. Tulog na tulog pa si Seth sa aking tabi, kalmado at parang walang tinatagong bagay sa akin.

Ramdam ko ang pait na unti unti kumalat sa aking lalamunan. I don’t want to think that he’s cheating on me, but I can’t just deny the fact that something is going on between them, and what’s behind those messages. Dahil kahit anong tanggi ko naman sa sarili ko alam kong may iba ‘yon na kahulugan.

Dahan dahan kong kinalas ang kamay niyang nakayakap sa aking t’yan at marahan na tumayo. I went to where our phone is to check the time. Saglit akong napatingin sa phone niyang patay at walang kabuhay buhay, it was as if it didn’t work as a weapon to pierce a knife through my heart.

Nangirot ang dibdib ko. I thought of it yesterday, and I had decided what I needed to do, and I would. I will do it. I will not let him know that I knew about the messages and that woman. Nakita at nabasa na mismo ng dalawang mata ko ang mensahe nila o ni Maurice.

Lumabas ako ng kuwarto at dumiretso sa kusina upang magluto ng unagahan namin. Habang naghihiwa ako ng bawang ay natutulala pa rin ako dahil kahit anong pilit kong hindi maisip ‘yon ay talagang sumasagi’t at sumasagi iyon sa aking utak. Pasalamat nalang ay matagumpay ko pa rin naluto ang sangag, itlog at ang noodles, nakayanan ko pang magtimpla ng kape na hindi nakakasira sa panglasa.

Habang naglalapag ako ng plato sa lamesa ay saktong lumabas siya. He’s wearing a white sando that fits his body. Bumabakat na ang hugis ng kaniyang katawan ro’n, sa png baba ay nakasuot siya ng jersey short niya na itim.

“Good morning, Wife.” Pagbati niya bago humalik sa aking labi.

Tumingin ako sa kaniya. Ramdam ko ang tumitinding kirot sa aking dibdib habang pinagmamasdan siya. Bakit parang normal lang sakaniya ang lahat? Na parang wala siyang tinatago sa akin.

“Morning, k-kain na tayo.” Pagbati ko pabalik sa kaniya. Pilit kong pinasigla ang tono ng boses ko ngunit hindi nakatakas ang pait na lumalamon sa akin.

Kunot noo niya akong tinitigan. Hindi siya gumalaw at nanatili siya sa gilid ko habang ako na may pilit inaasikaso ang lamesa at umagahan namin. Alam kong tinitimbang niya ang itsura ko, at alam ko rin na nakakaramdam siya na may mali, na may bumabagabag sa akin, na may nananakit sa akin…

Ngunit alam kong hindi niya iisipin na siya ang dahilan ng mga ito.

Bumuntong hininga siya matapos ang ilang minuto. Umupo siya sa katapat kong upuan at ako’y ganun rin. Habang kumakain kami ay ramdam na ramdam ko ang panaka naka niyang tingin sa akin. I know that he may already have an idea of what was happening, but since he didn’t want me to know about that woman, he’d choose not to ask me.

The moment had passed, his phone rang again. Napatingin ako sa phone niyang nakalagay sa gilid niya bago ko siya tinignan. My eyes grew wider when his eyes met mine, magkasalubong ang kanyang kilay.

Why Seth? Why do you have to keep something from
me
? Someone from me?

Mabilis kong iniwas ang tingin ko sa kaniya at pilit na tinapos ang pagkain kahit na lumalala ang kirot sa dibdib ko. Kung siguro ay hindi ko nalaman ang tungkol ay maayos kami ngayon, nag-uusap kami at nagkukulitan habang kumakain. Na kung siguro ay hindi ko piniling sundin ang kuryosidad sa aking sarili ay hindi ko mararamdaman ang lahat ng ito.

Nang wala nang pagkain sa plato ko ay napagdesisyonan ko nang tumayo para maligpit ko na ang aking plato.

Nabitin ako sa pagkakatayo ng biglang nagsalita si Seth.

“Do we have a problem, Wife?” Seth suddenly asked, sa pamamaraan niya ng pagtatanong ay parang alam niyang mayro’n ngunit gusto niya lang na sa akin mang-galing ang sagot.

My jaw clenched, and my throat tightened. My heart began to race as the heaviness inside it was intensified.

“W-Wala naman, bakit mo na tanong?”

“Are you sure?”

“Y-yes, sure ako.”

Bumuntong hininga siya bago tumayo at naglakad papunta sa akin. Napasinghap ako nang humawak ang kaniyang kamay sa aking siko. His hands held me in place, and it was like a sign from him that I needed to finally let it out. For us to talk about what’s up.

Nanuyo ang lalamunan ko habang ang binti ko ay nanglalambot sa pinaghalong emosyon sa aking kalooban na sa bawat pagkakataon na dumadaan ang tungkol sa babaeng ‘yon at ang mensahe niya sa aking isipan ay tumitindi lamang ang aking nararamdaman.

“You can tell me the truth, Wife. What’s the problem? Hmmm.”

And how about you, Seth? Can you tell me the truth? Can you tell me about her?

I swallowed hard, trying to remove the vile taste from my throat. I really wanted to tell him and confront him about the message and that woman, but there’s something in me telling me that I shouldn’t be.

I shook my head, dismissing his question and hoping that he’ll just let this topic go. I removed his hand from my elbows and turned my back against him.

“W-Wala, Seth. May lakad ka ba ngayon? Anong oras ka uuwi?”

He didn’t answer me right away, instead, he looked at me wearily like he was digging another way through my inner mind.

Ang sakit at pait dulot ng pagtatago niya ng bagay sa akin ay patuloy na dumadaloy sa aking katawan. I took all of my willpower just to endure it and act normally in front of him.

Sinasalansan at niligpit ko isa isa ang pinagkainan namin. Ramdam ko ang mga mata niyang nakatutok at nakasunod sa akin, ngunit hindi ko na iyon pinansin. The least thing I want right now is to be with him in this house. Kaya ang naisip ko lang ay pumasok sa trabaho, sa shop kahit na day off ko.

“Wife,”

Hinarap ko siya nang nasa lababo na ako at nalapag ko na ang mga pinggan ro’n. He was standing in front of me, three steps away.

Nakatingin lang siya sa akin habang ako naman ay tila mabubuwal na sa kinatatayuan ko.

“I’m okay, Seth. Don’t worry about me, I just have some things from school that I need to settle.”  I said as I gave a smile to reassure him with my lies.

Alam ko na mali rin ang ginagawa ako, na hindi sa kaniya sabihin na may nalaman ako. But this is what I know to protect myself, to protect our relationship from falling. Dahil alam kong pag sinabi ko sa kaniya ang alam ko, may malalaman akong mas ikakasakit pa ng puso ko. As much as I want to confront him, I want to be blind this time and just let it be, because there was a part of me that was telling me that it is not what I think it is.

Ngumiti lang siya bago tumango. He then walked towards me and hugged me tightly. Nang nasa ganun kaming posisyon ng tumunog ulit ang phone niya dahil sa may pararating na tawag. Rinig ko pa ang pagmumura niya habang magkayakap kami bago bawiin ang sarili.

“I’ll just take that call, okay?”

I nod my head while my heart is still stinging with pain and guilt.

“I’ll be back. I love you so much.”

Hindi ko siya nagawang masagot pa dahil mabilis rin naman siyang kumalas at umalis sa tabi ko matapos patakan ng halik ang aking labi. Hindi ko na rin naman pa inisip iyon at pilit kong inabala ang sarili sa paglilinis sa buong bahay.

“Riz, sa likod ka muna. Tulungan mo yung mga barista natin. Buti nalang nandito ka at naisipan mong pasukan ‘to. Sobrang daming order at customer ngayon.” Si Cleo nang nakapag-ayos na ako at ready na para tumayo at alalayan ang nasa counter namin.

Mabilis akong napabaling sa kaniya at tumango. Hindi ko rin talaga aakalain na ganito karaming tao ang sasalubong sa akin pagkapasok ko rito sa shop. All tables are taken, and yet there are some customers in line. Hindi ko alam kung ano bang meron ngayon araw at ganito kadagsa.

“Sige, sir.”

Kumunot ang noo niya.

“Are you okay? Bakit ang tamlay mo?”

“Wala ‘to, Sir. Medyo kulang lang sa tulog.” Ngiti ko kahit na ramdam ko pa rin ang pait ng mga nalaman ko.

He raised his eyebrow and grinned. “Sure ka ha? O’siya at magtrabaho na muna tayo. Mamaya na tayo mag kuwentuhan.”

Tumango at handa na sana pumasok sa likod upang mag-assist sa mga barista nang hinawakan niya ang braso ko.

“I-chika mo sa akin ‘yan, Riz. Sakto nag aaya ang boss na mag dine out mamaya.” Saad niya bago bitawan ang braso ko.

Hindi na ako sumagot at dumiritso na nalang sa likod. When I entered our kitchen, a lot of orders were booming in my sight. Ang mga waiter namin ay hindi rin mapakali dahil sa dami ng order. I quickly grabbed my apron and wore it before going to the counter where the drinks and coffee were made.

Buong magmahapon ay tambak at dagsa kami ng mga customer, some of our customers were not from here, and just eent here to taste our drinks and pastries. I don’t know where they heard about our shop.

Pasado alas-sais ng makaramdam ako ng gutom, nasa counter na ako at medyo humuhupa na rin ang mga costumer na dumadating, although the whole shop was still fully occupied by the customers. And I couldn’t imagine that we were able to handle and cater to all the customers who came to our shops with a smile on our faces all the time. It was maybe because we were all professionally trained, emotionally, and physically. Ni hindi ko na nga naisip pa ang mensahe galing sa Maurice na ‘yon, and even feeling of hunger, a longing for food, I didn’t get the chance to stir up my mind to it.

After I got the order of our last customer for the day, I handled the order for our baristas as I would get some bread to fill up my hungry stomach.

“Riz, you did us a great favor today.” Cleo, our manager, welcomed me with a wide and contented smile plastered on his face.

I can’t help but smile as well with his claim. “Nako! Wala ho iyon, Sir.” Pagtanggi ko. Kung alam niya lang ang dahilan kung bakit ako napilitan na pasukan ang dapat na pahinga ko ay baka nag-aya na agd ito ng inom.

“No! You are.” Aniya, biglang kumunot ang noo niya. Humalukipkip siya at taas kilay niya akong tiningnan. “Kanina ko pa napapansin na Sir ang tawag mo sa akin. Anong problema mo?” He probed.

Tumawa ako habang kumukuha sa mga tinapay na inahanda para sa mga empleyado ng shop na ito. “Bakit? Iyon naman talaga ang tawag sa iyo dito diba? Sir ka namin kasi ikaw ang manager namin, ano paba dapat?” Pangagatwiran ko habang dumiretso na sa isang kabisera kung saan inilalagay ang mag order at ro’n naman kukunin iyon ng mga waiter namin.

Ngumuso si Cleo at tumingin sa ibang kasamahana namin sa loob ng kitchen na sa tingin ko ay nagpapahinga na rin.

“Wala, pero hindi mo ako kailanman tinawag na Sir. Kaya naninibago ako at tyaka ang weird lang hindi ako sanay.” Natatawa niyang sabi bago maarte at lalaking lalaki niyang inikot ang kaniyang mga mata.

Tumawa nalang ako at pinabulaanan ang kaniyang mga sinasabi. I stayed in our kitchen and ate my food there while having a conversation with my colleagues. There, Cleo further explained about eating out with the whole crew, which he said to me. Aniya ay ang boss raw namin ang may gusto no’n kaya lahat rin ng mga empleyado ay umoo. Isa pa ay minsan lang daw mag-aya ang boss namin dahil busy ito sa iba nilang negosyo.

As much as I want to decline and not join them for dinner, I couldn’t help but join. Lalo pa’t alam ko na pag naging mag isa ako ay maalala at iisipin ko pa rin ang mensahe at ang babaeng ‘yon. At isa iyon sa ayokong mangyari pa.

Around six-forty-five in the evening when we decided to close the shop and went to the place where our eat out would take place. Labis ang pagkamangha ko at ang iilan kong katrabaho ng makarating kami sa restaurant. Isa lang naman iyon sa sikat at kilalang mamahaling kainan sa buong Pilipinas.

The restaurant was huge and screaming the brand’s expensiveness with the elegance of the place. Pagkpasok namin ay sinalubong kami ng waiter, may kung anong sinabi si Cleo sa waiter na agaran naman kaming iginaya sa isang pribadong silid.

Pagkapasok namin ay sinalumbong kami ng mahabang parahibang lamesa na punong puno ng mga pagkain na sa mga itsura palang ng mga ito ay mahal na ang presyon.

My eyes swiftly landed on the man sitting at the end of the table. He was wearing a black polo down shirt.

Guwapo ang lalaki at sa itsura palang niya ay masasabi kong isa siyang taong nang galing sa mayaman na pamilya.

He has blue-grey eyes, long lashes, thick eyebrows, a thin and pointy nose, and red, plumpy lips. Maputi siya at mukha rin siyang may dugong banyaga.

“Hi, everyone.” The man greeted us with his deep baritone voice. He rose from his seat and was about to walk towards us, but Cleo immediately greeted him back, followed by us.

“Hello and Good evening, Sir Ruinji.”

The man smiled at us widely, his eyes almost banished when he smiled. Hindi naman siya singkit pero sa pamamaraan niya ay tila maglalaho ang mga mata niya.

“Sorry for making you wait, Sir. Hinintay lang po namin maubos at tuluyan mawalan ng customer ang shop bago po magsara.” Pagbibigay paumanhin ni Cleo.

Umiling naman ang boss namin sakaniya bago isa isa kaming tinapunan ng tingin, tila kinukuha at dinidikta sa utak ang aming mga mukha. His eyes stayed on me for a while as if he knew me, but he couldn’t remember.

“No, it’s fine. Kakarating ko lang rin dito, galing rin akong university.” Aniya habang nasa akin pa rin ang tangin. Mabilis kong iniwas ang tingin ko sa kaniya at nagmadaling umupo sa pinakadulong banda ng mahabang lamesa, malayo sa kaniya.

The way his eyes bore into me gave me a weird feeling. I don’t know if it was just my instinct or my self-care acting up. My phone vibrates inside my pocket continuously, which reason why my full attention is diverted to it.

Messages from Seth were plastered over the screen of my phone. Ten missed calls and messages.

I glanced at my manager, Cleo, who was still talking to our boss to try and get myself an excuse for a moment, but they were busy. Kaya sa katrabaho ko nalang ako nagpaalam na lalabas ako saglit.

Nang makalabas ako sa silid na ‘yon ag agad kong binuksan ang aking phone at isa-isang binasa ang mga messages ni Seth.

Seth: I’ll stay at your house till 6 p.m.
Take care of yourself at work, Wife.

Those are the messages he sent to me when I went to work earlier. Hinatid niya ako kanina, walang bodyguard na kasama at tanging kami lang. Gusto ko pa nga sana na tumanggi dahil mas lalong bumibigat ang pakiramdam ko pag kasama ko siya sa isang space ta’s maalala ko ang mga nalaman ko.

Buong byahe namin kanina ay tahimik lamang ako, hindi ako kumikibo at tanging tango lang ang sagot sa mga sinasabi niya.

I scroll down to read the other messages from him.

Seth: It’s your lunch break, do you want anything?

Did you have your lunch already?

Wife, why aren’t you replying to my messages?

Are you mad?

I’ll go home now. I already locked the door of your apartment, and I also unplugged everything. I love you.

Hey.

It’s already your out from work, where’s my reply?

I’m done. We indeed have a problem.

Those are the messages that I receive from him, and the rest were missed calls. I cleared all the notifications on my phone. I wouldn’t want to reply to any of his messages, and even answer his calls if ever he called me, but my mind and heart were pushing me to reply to him.

Riz: Sorry kung ngayon lang nakapagreply. Wala naman tayong problema, Seth. Naging busy lang sa shop kaya nawalan ako ng oras makapagreply, nasa labas rin ako dahil may palibre yung boss namin.

As I type my reply to him, my heart aches with every word I say. It was like every time I was denying that we have a problem were poisoning my heart. Alam ko naman na mali itong pagtatago ko, ang pagkimkim ko sa nalaman ko, but would it make any changes if I confront him about it? About her?

Yes, it would change. And maybe the changes would affect everything we have, at do’n ako natatakot.

Nang nakapag-ayos ng sarili at napigilan ang paglamon ng pait sa aking buong kalooban ay nagpasya na akong bumalik. Pagkapasok ko pabalik sa private room ay nadatnan ko silang nagtatawanan habang kumakain.

Their eyes were glued on me when I stepped inside the room as if I were an unwanted guest, but eventually, they continued with what they were talking about.

Umupo ako sa tabi ng katrabaho kong babae dahil ang inuupuan ko kanina ay okupado na ng isa ko pang katrabaho. Habang inisaayos ko ang aking sarili ay ramdam ko ang mata ng boss namin na nakatutok sa akin ngunit di ko na pinansin.

“So, regards to our upcoming team building. I wish you all could come and attend, it would be great.”

I glanced at him before shifting my eyes to the food.

“Sir, si Riz raw po baka hindi makasama. May mga bagay kasing kailangan niyang tutukan.” Si Cleo na pinaalam ang aking sagot sa kaniya nung una niyang sinabi ang tungkol sa team building.

Napatingin ako sa kaniya na nakatingin na rin pala sa akin. I smiled at him to show my thanks since malaking bagay na ‘yon sa akin.

Napabaling sa akin ang boss namin na nakakunot naman ang noo. He licked his lower lip and shifted on his seat.

“Like what?” He asked, his eyes still looking at me.

Sinalubong ko ang kaniyang tingin. I need to excuse myself and let him know my reasons, even though I truly feel that he shouldn’t be asking about it anymore. Ayoko rin maging bastos dahil sa boss ko siya at baka masisante ako ng wala sa oras.

“Yung Nanay ko po kasi, Sir. Need niya ng check up kaya madalas rin ang pag-uwi ko sa bahay namin sa kabilang probinsya, saka nag aaral rin po kasi ako.” Diretso at puno ng katotoohanan kong sagot.

He tilted his head to the side. Binasa niya ulit ang labi niya bago sumagot.

“Oh… Is your mom sick?”

Tumango ako.

“Oh no. What’s her—”

“Cancer po, sa rectal.”

Nabitin ang kaniyang pagsasalita at napatingin na lamang sa akin gamit ang mga matang malambot at may awa. The whole room fell into silence after I said my mother’s disease. Hindi ko rin alam kung dapat rin ba akong makaramdam ng ginahawa sa awang nakita ko na sumasayaw sa mata ng aming boss dahil lang sa sakit ng aking Nanay.

Ngumiti ako upang ipakita sa kanila na maayos namn ang lahat. “Kaya naman ‘yan, h’wag kayong ano.” I said as I continued to get the food on the table.

Mabuti na lang ay nagpatuloy ang usapan nila at hindi na sa akin nabaling pa ang topic. They talked about the team building. Nakikinig lang ako at hindi na nakikisali pa sa mga suwestyon dahil hindi rin naman ako sure kung makakasama ako.

Around eight-thirty nang matapos sila at magpasyang umuwi. Naglalakad pa lang kaming lahat palabas ng restaurant ay natanaw ko na ang pamilyar na sasakyan sa tapat ng kainan. Ang lalaki ay nakasandal sa kaniyang sasakyan, ang kamay ay nasa loob ng kaniyang bulsa habang matalim na nakatingin sa akin.

Rinig ko ang bulungan ng mga kasama ko tungkol kay Mayor. Hindi ko na iyon pinansin at naglakad nalang palabas. I don’t know how he found out where we dine in, hindi ko naman sinabi sakaniya sa text itong lugar. Wala rin akong nabanggit kung saang parte kaya paano?

Yeah, Riz. You forget that your boyfriend was a damn stalker of yours, eh.

Nang makalabas kami ay mabilis akong nagpaalam sa mga kasama ko at naglakad sa ibang direksyon malayo sa kaniya. Buti nalang at walang masyadong sinabi ang mga kasama ko dahil masiyadong okupado ang atensyon nila sa Mayor na nakabalandra sa tapat lang ng restaurant na’to.

Some of them quickly greeted him and started to ask some questions in a friendly way as if they knew him personally.

Nakaka-ilang hakbang palang ako ay tila ako natuod at nanlamig sa kaniyang sunod na ginawa. Seth called me with the undearment he always used.

“I’m sorry, excuse me… Wife, wait.” Pagtawag niya kasabay no’n ang mga yabag ng sapatos na alam kong sakaniya rin.

I pressed my lips hard and closed my eyes. Gosh! Walang nakakaalam na ako ‘yung rumored girlfriend niya sa article, at hindi rin alam sa trabaho ko na boyfriend ko siya. Never pa nilang nakita na si Seth ang kasama ko, ang boyfriend ko. Dahil pag out ko sa work ay minsan si Kuya Jan ang nagsusundo sa akin at kung hindi naman ay yung isa. Kapag si Seth naman ang sumusundo sa akin, ay saktong wala na ang mga katrabaho ko.

And why am I thinking about my colleagues knowing my relationship with Seth, their Mayor?

Mabilis kong kinain ang mga naiisip at nagpatuloy sa pag-alis. This isn’t the time to think about it. Ngunit nakakalima pa lang na hakbang ay may mabilis na kamay ang humawak sa braso ko kaya napaharap ako.

Seth’s worried and puzzled look welcomed my eyes. His brows were furrowed as he looked at me. His eyes were traveling around my face.

“We do really have a problem.” Matigas niyang sabi. Nilaban ko ang mga nararamdaman kong sumisibol sa akin. Hindi ko na alam kung ano ang dapat kong gawin basta ang naiisip ko lang para sa sarili ko ang mapag-isa at makapag isip.

I swallowed hard. “Wala nga tayong problema, Seth.” Mababa at halos pabulong kong sagot.

Imbis na kumalma ang kaniyang ekspresyon ay mas lalong kumunot ito na parang hindi siya naniniwalang wala.

“Talaga? Eh bakit iba ang sinasabi ng mga kinikilos mo.” Matabang at tila nanunuya niyang sagot.

My heart started to pound harder. Ang pait dulot ng mga nabasa ko at ang mga haka haka tungkol sa kanila nung Maurice ay unti unting kumakalat sa aking katawan.

“W-Wala nga, Mayor.”

“Don’t lie to me, Wife. I could easily read you, and I’m telling you, you are lying to me!” Medyo tumaas na ang kaniyang boses ngunit halata sa kaniyang mata ang kaniyang pagtitimpi.

Napatingin ako sa likod niya, sa mga katrabaho ko na ngayon ay nanonood na sa amin na para bang isa kaming mga artistang nag-sho-shoot ng pelikula.

“Seth, wag dito…”

“Then let’s go home and we’ll talk about the problem.” Aniya at mabilis na tumalikod at marahan akong hinili. Nagpatinaod na ako dahil ayoko rin gumawa ng eksena.

Nang makarating na kami sa harap ng sasakyan niya ay sumulyap muna ako sa mga katrabaho kong nanonood sa amin. I nodded my head to them and gave them a reassuring look as they looked at me, with a hint of worry lingering in their eyes.

Tumango lang naman si Cleo sa akin dahil alam kong naiintindihan niya ang ibig kong sabihin.

“Get in,” Seth said with a demanding voice.

I glanced at him before turning my back on him to get in his car. Ngunit isang paa ko pa lang ang na-iaaapak ko sa sasakyan niya nang may tumawag sa kaniyang bata.

“Daddy!”

Mabilis na pabaling ang tingin ko ro’n at kitanko kung paanong masaya at malawak ang ngiti nung bata habang patakbo sa amin ni Seth.

Chapter 29

CHAPTER 29

Son

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko napanatili ang sarili kong nakatayo nang hindi nabubuwal. My whole body stiffened as the cold of pain and bitterness ran through my veins.

My eyes slowly crawled over the man standing on the other side of the car door. Kahit nandito ako sa kabilang banda, ay kita ko ang panlalaki at pagkakagulat ng kaniyang mata.

I looked at the young boy, around 3 years old, who ran straight to us, to the person he called his father, his daddy. The happiness and joy that were etched on his face were undoubtedly sincere as he embraced Seth’s legs.

“Daddy! Yow here! Mwommy is wight.” medyo bulol niyang ani, ang boses ay puno nang galak at kasiyahan na kahit sino man ay parang hindi kayang kunin mula sa kaniya.

My eyes are locked on him, scanning his face and trying to check for some resemblance to the person who earned my heart, but slowly burning it with the pain of truth and lies.

“Wife…”

Kita ko ang pagiging aligaga ni Seth na hindi niya alam kung saan siya babaling. Kung kanina ay matigas at tila nagtitimpi siya dahil sa pagiging malamig ko buong araw, ngayon ay para siyang aso na nahuli sa isang kasalanan at ngayo’y takot maparusahan.

“Daddy, mwommy said you’re busy, that’s why you couwldn’t visit us, is it twue?”

My ears became deaf as the pain of truth dawned on me, and my legs wobbled more as the blade of his deception cut through my heart. Gusto kong ikalma ang sarili ko at paniwalain na mali ang aking narinig, na baka hindi siya ang ama at napaghinalaan lang siya ng bata. But who am I to deny it when the face of him and this young boy shows it all. They have similarities and resemblance, he was like a little and minime version of Seth. My damn liar of a boyfriend.

I balled my fist through the handle of the car door, and held the tears from streaming down.

“W-Wife…” Tumingin siya sa akin na ang mga mata ay nanlalambot at nanghihina. Hindi ko kailanman nakita na ganito siya kahit pa nung dinala niya ako sa Angono, Rizal.

Kanina niya pa ako tinatawag pero hindi ko magawang ituon sa kaniya ang aking mga mata. I thought that the only thing that he keep to me is about him and that woman named Maurice, but I was fucking wrong. There’s more that he was keeping from me, and now, one of those is this young boy.

“Daddy, are we going howm tewgewder?” Malambing at puno ng pangungulila. Tuminging ito sa akin at ngumiti.

It hurts.

Napabaling si Seth sa bata at maingat niya itong hinawakan sa magkabilang balikat. The sight of them broke me harder for an unknown reason. The way he held the young boy’s shoulder, I knew that he knew him, and the young boy didn’t just mistakenly call him his ‘Daddy’.

It was enough for me to realize that he was his, and now, another secret of his was shown to me.

Mabilis kong pinunasan ang luha nakatakas at bumagsak sa aking kaliwang mata.

“S-Seth. U-Uwi na ako, sasabay na lang ako sa mga ka t-trabaho ko.” Ani ko. Pilit kong pinanatili na hindi manginig ang aking boses dahil sa bigat at pait na kumakalat sa aking dibdib. I need to pull myself out of this situation. This was all too much for me.

“No, stay here.” He looked at me with his eyes still soft, and now, I saw a new emotion that wasn’t there before.

Fear.

Napatitig ako sa kaniya at sa batang nasa harapan niya. Seth then glanced at me before he looked again at the young boy. This time, I pulled all of my willpower to swallow the bile in my throat just to have a glance at them.

Sa nakikita ko sa mga mata ng bata ay masasabi kong nangungulila siya sa presensya ng kaniyang ama, and even I, who isn’t that familiar with kids, I knew that something that falls short in him.

Seth looked at me, his eyes were so soft that even a cloud couldn’t be softer.

“I… I’ll just bring this…”

“Your son?” Ako na ang nagtuloy sa dapat niyang sasahihin dahil hindi na niya alam kung paano jiya ilalabas sa bibig niya ang katotoohanan.

“Wait for me, I’ll bring him back to his mom, then we’ll go home.”

No! How could you do that to your son, Seth?

“No. Stay with him. I think your… son needs you…” Mabigat akont lumunok dahil sa bigik na namumuo sa aking lalamunan para lamang masabi ko ang kailangan kong sabihin.

“Sasabay nalang ako sa mga katrabaho ko. Be with your son, Seth.”

“Wife, please. Let me explain everything… About him. Let me just escort him back to his mom. Please?” he asked pleadingly.

Hindi ko na alam kung ano pa ba ang tatakbo sa utak ko. Kung ano pa ba ang uunahin ko? This pain I was feeling and how my whole trust in him shattered into pieces, or how am I going to convince myself to stay with him in this relationship that was full of secrecy.

“Sander, baby…” Seth said as he knelt to the young boy.

A painful gasp escaped my mouth when I heard him call the young boy’s name. How soft and careful he was to talk to that young boy… His son.

Mabilis na nagsipatakan ang luha ko dahil sa matinding sakit na nararandaman ko.

Gosh! Riz, you should leave now. Do not let yourself suffer from the pain because of this revelation.

Alam kong hindi naman impossibleng hangarin niya ang magkaroon ng anak, ng isang anak na susunod mismo sa kaniya. Pero ang sakit sakit pala na malaman mo na may ganito siyang sikreto na hindi man lang niya nagawang sabihin sayo. And the fact that conceiving a child was one of my inability as transwoman has added so much pain to what I am currently feeling.

This never came into my head before, but now I think this one will always haunt me.

And his son just looks like a 3-year-old kid. At paano nabuo ang bata ng walang kasabwat na ibang tao.

“Sander, sino kasama mong pumunta rito? It’s already late. Why are you still outside? Where’s your mom?” Sunod sunod niyang tanong sa bata.

Was he just lying to me? Was everything I believed just a lie?

At isa pa, kung may anak siya. Then he must have a partner, a girlfriend. Who am I then? Am I his mistress? A homewrecker?

Nanikip ang dibdib ko sa mga bagay na unti unting lumalamon sa akin. Tuloy tuloy ang pagpatak ng liha ko habang inalalayo ko ang aking tingin sa kanilang dalawa. Ang sakit pala, akala ko ang tungkol lang sa Maurice ba iyon ang tinatago niya sa akin pero hindi pala… May iba pa pala…

At iyon ay ang anak niya…

Gusto ko man itanggi sa sarili ko lahat lahat pero hindi ko naman hahayaan ang sarili ko na maging tanga dahil lang sa pagmamahal ko sakaniya.

Riz! Wake up. This must be the sign that everything wasn’t right. Your relationship was just a phase of your life. He may have used you to cheat his partner, the mother of his son.

Slowly, I walked towards my workmate who watching us from the front of the restaurant. The way they looked at me, at us, was enough to slap me hard, how this situation pinned me down. This was enough to bury me in the ground.

“W-Wife…” Rinig kong tawag ni Seth ngunit hindi ko na siya nilingon pa at dire-diretso akong naglakad papunta sa mga katrabaho ko… Partikular kay Cleo.

“Daddy… I told mwommy that I mish you so much. Yow didn’t vishit us so mwommy brought me here…”

Rinig ko bago ko tuluyang isuko ang mga pader na pumipigil sa mga katotoohan na pilit kong nilalabanan. He lied to me… He cheated on his damn family and made me his mistress…

Sunod sunod ang luha na nagsipatakan sa aking mata. Mabilis akong dinaluhan ng mga kasamahan ko at inalu ako. Some of them were watching me cry like there’s no fucking tomorrow. My heart is bleeding because of the knife of secrecy that my boyfriend plunged into me.

He could have been honest with me, he shouldn’t have made me believe that he loved me, that I am the only one for him… But no! He lied and kept it.

And fuck! He had a child!

“Riz,” Pag-aalalang ani ni Cleo sa akin habang dahan dahan akong nilapitan. He didn’t say anything as he saw the tears continuously falling on my cheeks.

“Uwi… Uwi na tayo.”

Mabilis siyang tumango. Ayoko na talagang manatili pa rito. Hindi ko na nga iniinda ang mga maaaring iniisip nila sa akin. All I could think right now was to drag myself out of here, out of their sight, where I couldn’t hear them talking.

“Jeoffrey, saan mo pinark yung sasakyan mo? Hatid natin si Riz sa bahay nila.” Ani Cleo sa kay Jeoffrey.

Napabaling sa akin si Jeoffrey bago sa kay Cleo.

“Uh… Kunin ko na lang wait niyo na lang ako dito, boss.” Sagot naman agad nito bago siya tumakbo sa pa kung saan.

Cleo’s eyes followed Jeoffrey until his image was gone from our eyes. Cleo then looked at me, his eyes softened along with the worry and concern that was dancing in his eyes.

“Sino yung bata na kasama ngayon ni Mayor, Riz?” Tanong niya, marahan niya akong hinawakan sa siko at marahang hinigit papunta sa kung saan.

From my blurry vision, I could see our other workmates following us somewhere. They just looked at me, nothing but just a worriness. No judgment or curiosity about the scene.

Buti na lang rin ay wala ang boss namin dito dahil hindi ko na alam pa ang mararamdaman ko.

Hindi ko na alam kung saan ako dinala ni Cleo, but one thing is for sure, I couldn’t have a sight of them from here. Wala sila sa paligid at sa tingin ko ay medyo may distansya ito ro’n. And Seth didn’t even bother to follow me after I walked out of his car. Hindi naman sa mahalaga iyon para sa akin pero there was something in me that was expecting him to do that somehow.

Naiintindihan ko naman din at wala na rin akong balak na umasa. He will surely choose his son’s welfare rather than thinking about his crying… Mistress.

Umupo ako sa bench sa kung saan ako dinala ni Cleo. Ang mga workmates ko ay nasa issng gilid lang at nakatanaw sa akin.  I looked at them and tried to see if they were still completely here. Pero may mga mukha akong hindi na nakikita na siguro ay umuwi na rin.

It was good, though, na hindi na nila masasaksihan ang pagtuklas ko sa katotohanan. Nakakahiya ito at isa itong imoral. All my life, I have built myself to be a fine woman, a wise and kind one.  Hindi ko kailanman pinangarap ang ganito.

“Gusto mo tubig, Riz?” Ani ni Rosette, Isa sa mga waitress.

Tumango at dali dali niyang inabot sa akin ang tubig. Unti unting kumakalma ang luha ko pero ang nararamdaman ko sa loob ko ay hindi.

Nakakahiya at tila ako isang papansin noong high school na nagkukunwaring hinihika para lang magkaroon ng simpatya galing sa mga kaklase ko.

Cleo bent in front of me, he put his jacket on my lap as a cover, then looked at me. Alam kong marami siyang gustong sabihin pero pinipigilan niya lang.

“Ikaw pala ang nababalitang girlfriend ni Mayor, Riz. Pero ni isa sa amin walang nakaalam.” Natawa siya at umiling na para bang hindi makapaniwala.

Tumingin lang ako sa kaniya habang sinisikop ang mga luha mula sa aking magkabilang pisngi.

“Hindi rin ka-kwestyon kwestyon iyon dahil maganda ka, kaso may bata… May anak si Mayor?”

“Sir…” Saway ni Randal, ang isa sa mga barista.

Tumango si Cleo na para bang alam niya agad ang punto no’n.

“Alam ko… Sorry. Hindi na ako magsasalita o magtatanong dahil ayokong manghimasok masyado… Pero Riz, alam kong alam mo ang dapat na gawin sa ganitong sitwasyon. I know you as a great woman, a woman who is within you, not just because of how you present yourself physically. You are smart and wise.” Tumango tango siya.

Alam ko ang gusto niyang iparating, pero sa sitwasyon at sa nararamdaman ko. Parang hindi ko pa ata kayang gumalaw at kumilos. Ayoko rin magpadalos dalos. Oo, masakit at mabigat pero alm kong kailangan kong mag-isip ng mabuti.

Nanatili lang kami ro’n hanggang dumating si Jeoffey dala ang sasakyan niyang 6-seaters. Hindi naman na rin ako nagpaasikaso at kusa na akong pumasok. Nakakahiya kung aalalayan pako, hindi na ako bata.

“Kahit h’wag ka na muna pumasok bukas, Riz.” Ani Cleo nang maihatid niya ako sa apartment ko.

“Hindi, papasok ako.”

He slowly held my hands. Napatingin ako do’n bago ko ibalik sa mukha niya.

“No, Riz. I may be a man, but I can feel the same thing too, and trust me, I know how you are feeling right now. You need to rest… Ako nang bahala magsabi kay Boss pag nagtanong.”

Hindi ako nakasagot. Sa pamamaraan niya ng pagkakasabi noon ay may kung anong yumakap sa akin na mainit at unting unting pinakakalma ang bagyo na tumtugis sa kalooban ko.

I never thought that I would be able to find an unexpected friendship with him. Nakilala ko siya bilang isang matigas at masungit na lalaki na siyang humubog at naghuni ng kakayahan ko bilang isang staff ng shop. Hindi ko inaasahan sa panahon na lilipas ay magiging malapit kami.

“Sige.” pagsuko ko. Tumango naman siya at ngumiti sa akin.

“O’siya. Mauuna na kami at ikaw ay pumasok na. Rest your mind and heal your soul. Everything will be alright, Riz.” Sabi niya bago tumalikod at umalis.

Hindi naman na rin ako nagtagal sa labas at pumasok na ako. Now that I’m alone in this house, everything is slowly crawling back to me, the realization, the truth, and how his secrecy damaged our relationship.

Umupo ako sa sofa at sinuklay ang buhok. Problemado akong bumuntong hininga bago ipinahinga ang ulo sa sofa.

Wala naman na akong aasahan pa diba, at alam ko na sa mga natuklasan ko ngayun gabi ay sapat na para isampal sa akin na mali ang relasyon na mayro’n kami. Ang relasyon na binuo namin ay nasa maling paraan.

He has a son, and may be a family that he has cheated on.

At ako? Ako lang naman ang napili niya na maging kabit. Pero hindi ako luluhod at mananatili pa sa ganito, hindi ako ganun na magiging tanqa na lang.

Tatapusin ko na ang kung anong mayro’n kami. No! Tapos na ang mayro’n sa aming dalawa.

I heaved a heavy sigh. I need to rest. I used my brain to think too much about these bullshits. Naging OA pa ata ako.

But it was just my natural reaction… Right?

Nanatali pa ako ng ilang sandali bago ako nagpasiyang maligo. Kailangan kong mag-relax.  I need to reset myself and bring myself back from how I was before. This relationship turned me into something that I had never imagined that I could be.

Paglabas ko ng kuwarto matapos magbihis ay tila pumalpak ang mga inisip ko. Bumalik lahat ng nararamdaman ko nang sumalubong ang imahe ng lalaki na nakayukod sa aking sofa, nakatago ang kaniyang mukha sa dalawang palad habang nakatukod naman ang magkabilang siko sa magkabilang tuhor niya.

My stomach churned as my body rooted in place, and my heart hammered. Anong ginagawa niya dito? Bakit at paano siya nakapasok?

“Seth, a-anong ginagawa mo dito?” Nanginginig kong tanong sakaniya.

He pulled his face from burying it on his two calloused hands and bore his eyes at me. Kumirot ang aking puso sa mga emosyon na sumasayaw sa kaniyang mga mata. Pagod, tuliro at sakit ang nakikita ko ro’n.

“Wife,” Mabilis siyang umahon mula sa pagkakaupo at isang kurap lang ay nasa harapan ko na siya.

Tears fell from my eyes when his hands touched my elbow.

Humikbi ako at sinubukan na kumalas sa kaniya.

“A-Anong ginagawa mo dito? Hindi ka dapat nandito Seth, nandoon ka dapat sa anak mo… At sa asawa mo.”

“Fuck! Don’t say that… Hear me out first, please… Let me explain everything.”

Umiling ako. Kailangan ko pa ba siyang pakinggan kung sapat naman na ang lahat ng nangyari para matauhan akong hindi naman siya yung lalaking nakilalako. O baka nga nabulag lang ako.

“Ano pa bang ang dapat ipaliwanag do’n? May anak ka, at mukhang tatlong taon na ang edad. At mabubuo ba ‘yung bata ng magisa kalang? Hindi ako tanqa para hindi ma gets na may partner ka… Ginawa mo akong kabit!” Humagulgol ako matapos kong mailabas lahat. I cried in front of him to show him how he broke me, broke us. That his secrecy and betrayal were nothing but a poison he inflicted on our relationship that shouldn’t have existed in the first place.

Rinig ko ang mahinang mura niya at sinubukang alisin ang mga luhang lumalandas sa aking mukha ngunit mabilis kong tinapik ang kamay niya sa ere.

I think we need to talk about us, about how we end things here. Hindi ko kayang manatili sa kaniya at maging kabit. Nasusuka ako!

“Stay away from me! Lumayo ka sa akin.” Tulak ko sa kaniyang dibdib ngunit hindi man lang siya gumalaw.

Humagulgol ako dahil sa sakit na dumaan sa kaniyang mata nang itulak ko siya, his eyes were the window of his soul. And it was always my door to peek what’s going on in his mind. Pero sa mga nangyari parang hindi ko na ata kayang paniwalaan ang lahat ng mga pinapakitang emosyon ng kaniyang mata.

“Stop… please.” Nabasag ang boses niyang sabi.

“Don’t push me away, Wife. Please… Hear me out please…”

“At para saan pa?” humikbi ako. “Hindi ko nga alam kung maniniwala pa ba ako sa mga sasabihin mo gayon na itinago mo ang bagay na ‘yon sa akin.”

“Wife…” Nanginginig niyang tawag ngunit humakbang ako paatras.

“Lumayo ka… May anak ka, Seth. May anak! At sa lahat ng pagkakataon na magkasama tayo, na may pagkakataon ka ni hindi mo man lang ipinagtapat sa akin.” pagak akong natawa. “Sabagay, sa maliliit na bagay na tungkol sa’yo at sa mga nakaraan mo ni hindi mo nabahagi. Ni hindi ka ata kita kilala ng totoo.”

Umiling siya at lumunok, bakas na bakas ang takot, sakit at kaba na tumatarak sa kaniyang mata.

“I’m so sorry, Wife. But please let me explain.”

“Liar! At ano? Para paniwalain ako sa mga walang katotohanan? Sino si Maurice?” sikmat ko na kinabilog na maya niya.

“How did you—”

Natawa ako. “Isa sa mga kabit mo? Maliban sa akin? Kakaiba ka!”

“Fuck! Wife, don’t say that. You are not a mistress, never—”

“Shut up!”

“You fucking made me into someone I can’t stomach. Kabit?” Marahas kong inalis ang luha ng bumagsak sa aking pisngi. Nasusuka ako. Kabit? Ginawa niya akong kabit na pwedeng maging sanhi para masira ng pamilya. Hindi ko masikmura na aagawin ko siya sa bata iyon. Lumaki akong ibang tao ang itinuring kong magulang dahil sa dinispatya ako na parang isang basura ng tunay kong magulang.

Kaya hinding hindi ko kaya na manira at kunin sa isang bata ang buong pamilya na deserve niya.

Ang sakit sakit lang pero hindi ako homewrecker!

“Maganda na rin pala na nandito ka para harap harapan kong sabihin ‘to. Na putulin ang kung anong mayro’n sa ating dalawa.”

May kung anong bumara sa bigbig ko nang makita ki kung paanong lamunin nang sakit at pagkabigo ang namimilog niyang mata. He’s smart and I know he knew what I was going to do, what I was going to say.

Nakaawang ang labi niya. Kita ko ang pag-angat baba ng adams apple niya. He looks so weak now, a far cry from the man once revered for his power and authority as mayor.

“Let’s break up.”

Chapter 30

CHAPTER 30

Truth

I have never imagined that someday I would utter this word. A word that for some it was just a mere word, but for me, it was painful—painful enough to shatter me wholly.

I looked at him, broken and pained. It wasn’t just because of the word I had said, but also because of the pain of secrecy and lies he had just caused.

Seth shook his head slowly, declining the decision that I chose for myself.

“No, Wife. Please… Don’t fucking do this. I can explain everything… Sander…” He muttered. The pain was evident in his tone, but I care less.

Hindi niya matuloy ang susunod niyang sasabihin dahil sa tila nabubulunan siya sa kung anong bagay.

Sander.

A handsome and fine name for his son.

Wala akong sama ng loob sa bata, ni wala akong nararamdaman na galit o kahit poot dahil alam kong labas siya dito. It was just the truth of Seth’s secrecy that pained me.

“I know that he is your son. What more lies you can say just to cover everything up, huh? Don’t make me hate you more…”

Umiling siya ulit. Umamba siyang lumapit sa akin pero mabilis rin akong umatras. Hindi ko ata kayang magkaroon kami ng skinship dahil nasusuka ako sa lahat ng katotohanan.

Kahit masakit sa akin ang mga natuklasan ko pero hinding hindi ko hahayaan na itanggi niya ang anak niya. He doesn’t deserve to be denied by his father…

He deserves everything.

Nang-gagatal niyang kinagat ang kaniyang labi, iniwas niya ang tingin sa akin at suminghap. I took that chance to scan him wholly. Nakakuyom ang kaniyang mga kamay, ang mga ugat do’n ay kitang kita na.

Bumuntong hininga ako. “Seth, your son.” I bit my lip before continuing. It hurts to say his name but it’s not his fault and I feel so wrong to feel hurt just by his name.

“Sander deserves everything. He deserves you, he deserves his father. I wouldn’t let you deny him in front of me, and even in front of him. I’ll despise you till I die if you do that to him. It hurts me! I’m in pain, yes, because of you keeping secrets from me. But denying him is wrong and unjust. So please…”

My throat tightened as if someone was choking. “Don’t spit more lies just to deny him, don’t try to deceive me. I wouldn’t believe you.” I firmly said. I saw how his tears fell from his dark orb.

Ilang beses pa siyang lumunok bago tumango.

“I will not deny him. But I can’t just let you go because of this. I am not still sure if he was indeed mine. Alam ko na marami akong kalokohan dati bago ka dumating, bago ko narating ang posisyon na mayro’n ako ngayon. I bedded a lot of women, I have my fair share of filthy deeds. I am being honest—”

“Pero hindi ka naging totoo sa akin!” I shouted at him.

“I know, and I am so sorry for being dishonest and keeping things from you…” Huminto siya at tumingin sa akin na nanlalambot at nasasaktan.

“Maurice is Sander’s mother… Now I know how you knew about her, through that text right? She texted me continuously after the day she went to my office and introduced me to him… I didn’t believe her at first but Maurice was one of the women I bedded, and I am not an idiot to not remember and acknowledge my past sin.” He confessed. The pain that was flickering in his eyes was like shouting, badly wanted to be heard.

Isa sa mga naikama niya. Alam ko naman na may ganito siyang nakaraan. Masyadong common na ito sa mga lalaking nasa kalibre niya, sa mga kagaya niya. And now, he’s explaining everything to me… Hindi ko alam kung maniniwala ba ako o hindi.

Kung nagsabi siya sa akin ng maaga, baka… Baka hindi ganito ka sakit iyon… Dahil hindi naman makitid ang utak kong umunawa at maiintindihan ko na may anak siya sa mga babaeng naikama niya bago ako. Wala naman akong magagawa na do’n kundi tanggapin dahil ako mismo alam ko sa sarili ko ang mga bagay na hindi ko kayang ibigay sa kaniya.

Sinubukan niyang lumapit pero umiling ako, tumango siya at lumunok ulit.

He looked so hurt and in pain because of our distance. He hates distance as he’s a clingy type of boyfriend, he always wants us to be close. Para siyang namamatay pag siya nakadikit sa akin kaya alam ko kung para saan ang sakit na nakita ko sa mata niya.

“I lied, yes. And I am so sorry. We have already gone through the process of DNA test and until now we were still waiting for the truth.”

“He looks so much like you! Para siyang maliit na bersyon mo… Isn’t it enough?” Mapanuya kong sagot.

Umiling siya. “Yes, it wasn’t enough. Malay ko ba na may iba pang kumama sa kaniya pagkatapos ko.” He fired frustratedly.

Silence enveloped us. No one dared to talk after he said that. Yes, he got a point there. Maybe there’s another man who bedded her after him. But how could Sander look so much like him if he’s not his?

“Pero sinubukan ko naman na tanggapin dahil hindi naman ako mangmang na hindi makita ang pagkakaparehas namin. I love him…” Pag amin niya. Sobra sobrang sakit ang dumaloy sa mga mata niya na kahit ang luha niya ay hindi na kinaya.

“I always dream to be a father, Wife… And because of him, I am experiencing it… now. I love him as my son.” Pag-amin niya habang ang mga mata ay bumaling sa aming baba, sa kaniyang paahan.

“How about Maurice?” I said with pain and hope. Hope that she meant nothing to him but then again, I was just deceiving myself…

“What about her?” He asked, his tone becoming firm and deadly. It was like a warning not to say anything that was not on his like.

“Sander deserves a complete family—”

“No, Wife. Please, stop. I know what you are doing… You are pushing me away! I don’t like her, I don’t have any care about that woman. We only have a connection because of Sander but without him, she’s nothing… Sander will understand, he’s smart. Maurice and I can be co-parenting… Please, don’t break up with me. Wife.” He said pleadingly.

Alam ko na hindi pa sapat ang lahat ng mga sinabi niya para mawala ang sakit. But the walls that I built were all crumbled down by his words. Kung kanina ay naghihinala pa ako kung nagsasabi ba siya ng totoo pero ngayon na nakikita ko kung paano at gaano siya katakot na iwanan ko siya ay unti-unti natutupok ang lakas kong iwanan siya… na parang sinasaksak ako nang mas masakit sa aking dibdib.

He looks like a scaredy little boy, his eyes flickering with so much emotion that lying has no room for it.

“Pero Seth, hindi ko kayang manatili sa relasyon na puno nang sikreto at pagtatago. I want an open and honest relationship.” Pagsisiwalat ko sa kung ano ang gusto ko.

“I promise, I’ll be honest. I’ll be a good boy, hmm. Please! Don’t leave me, Wife. Please!” Nanginig na ang kaniyang boses at maya maya pa ay naging iyak na rin.

Kung kanina ay ako ang humahagulgol ng iyak sa aming dalawa, ngayon ay siya naman. I’ve stopped crying but the pain is still in here, and I don’t think it will fade away too soon.

Humikbi siya habang naglakad nang dahan-dahan papalapit sa akin. Hindi ko na magawang umatras dahil nasasaktan na rin ako lalo sa nakikita ko kung paano siya masaktan.

Ganito ba talaga pag nagmamahal? Siguro nga…

Siguro ganito talaga pag nagmahal ka… Na hindi mo kayang nakikitang nasasaktan ang mahal mo at nahihirapan.

Siguro ganito talaga na kahit gaano ka nasaktan… Kung makikita mo rin na nasasaktan rin ang mahal mo mas dodoble pa ang sakit.

Hindi ko siya kayang tiisin pero hindi ko rin ata kayang ganun na lang siya patawarin. I love him so much, yes, but the talk that we’re having wasn’t enough to pull this relationship together again. His secrets caused a crack in our relationship that isn’t easy to amend.

I mean what I said earlier is that… I want to break up with him.

But I’d be lying if I said that everything he said and confessed didn’t influence my decisions somehow. If he’s truly telling the truth—that it was only Sander he cared about, and not Maurice—then…

Mabilis na umikot at pumulupot ang kaniyang malalaking braso sa aking katawan. He buried his face on my neck and cried from there. Para na siyang batang nagsusumbong sa akin na may umaway sa kaniya.

“Please… Wife, don’t leave me, not you too. I’ll be a good boy, I’ll be honest. I will not keep anything from you… I promise… Just.. Just don’t leave me.” Iyak niya sa akin, ang mga balikat ay nanginginig dahil sa matinding pag-iyak.

Dahan dahan kong inangat ang aking kamay at niyakap rin siya pabalik. Hinimas ko ang kaniyang likod upang pakalmahin siya na kahit na medyo magulo pa rin ang aking nararamdaman.

“Hindi ko naman balak na itago sayo ang tungkol sa kaniya ng matagal. I was planning to tell you about this, about him, when the DNA test result is out. I’m so sorry, Wife. Please don’t leave me…”

Hindi ko na alam! Para na akong baliw dahil sa mga naiisip ko at nararamdaman ko. May parte sa akin na kumalma at guminhawa ng magsabi siya tungkol sa Maurice at sa bata. Ngunit may parte pa rin sa akin na hindi pa kaya umamo at sumuko dahil sa sakit na aking natamo sa mga nangyari.

Isang katahimikan ang lumamon sa amin. Walang nagbalak pang magsalita sa amin at tanging hikbi lang ni Seth galing sa pag-iyak ang tangi kong naririnig kasabay ang mga huni ng kung anong insekto sa paligid.

Ang sabi niya ay pinakilala lang sa kaniya ang bata nang dinala ni Maurice si Sander sa offic ni Seth. So, Sander was like 3 years old or something so Maurice must have been pregnant with him when Seth was not yet in the position of being a Mayor.

At sa panahon na ‘yon, sigurado akong hindi pa kami no’n magkakilala.

Ilang minuto rin kaming nagyakapan roon. Gosh! Riz, feel ko ang rupok rupok natin… Na dahil lang sa pag-iyak niya habang sinasabi ang totoo ay gumuho na ang plano mo makipaghiwalay sa kaniya… Na dahil lang do’n ay tila kumalma na ang bagyo sa loob mo.

Seth pulled himself to look at me in the eyes. His eyes were wet because he cried like a damn baby. Namumungay niya akong tinignan habang ako naman ay sinalubong iyon ng nakataas ang isang kilay.

“Why are you looking at me like you are enjoying watching me cry? You’re such a heartless wife.” He frowned.

“Anong nag e-enjoy? Sa tingin mo ba nag eenjoy ako?” Tanong ko pa balik at sinubukan kumawala sa kaniya.

He fixed his hands that were caging me so that I couldn’t escape from his embrace.

“Sorry. But seriously, Wife. I didn’t intend to keep everything from you, I was just waiting for the right time… Sander may look like me but I need to make sure that he was really mine… It’s been years since I fuck another woman… And I don’t even remember how it feels to be inside them, and I don’t even want to remember. My dick now is only for you, Wife…”

Nangunot ang noo ko sa kaniyang sinabi. Hindi na pala maalala ah. I feel my cheeks burn from the last thing he said… This brute really has his way of spitting out dirty words.

Hinampas ko ang kaniyang dibdib. “Bastos!”

Seth chuckled heartily. Mabilis niyang pinatakan ng halik ang labi ko kaya tinitigan ko siya ng masama.

“I’m really sorry, Wife. If I made you feel that I was cheating on you, that I made you a mistress, that I already have a family that I cheated on… I will never do that to you, to my future family that I will build with you..” He said sincerely, I feel his hands caressing my back. My heart hammered inside my chest because of what he said.

I heaved a sigh to mask the emotions surging within me. “I mean what I said earlier, Seth. I wanted to break up with you if it meant giving Sander the whole family that he deserves… Pero magsisinungaling pa ba ako sa sarili ko kung alam ko rin naman na ayokong bitawan ka matapos kong malaman lahat. Iyon ay kung totoo ang lahat ng mga sinabi mo.”

Mabilis at parang bata siyang tumango-tango sa akin habang ang mga mata ay namumula pa rin at tila ano mang salita na lalabas sa aking bibig na hindi ayon sa gusto niya ay iiyak siya.

“Yes, wife. What I said to you was my truth… I’m so sorry, I can’t lose you. I love you so damn much!” He said then kissed me on my right cheek to my nose, and to my right cheek and landed a soft and timid kiss on my lips.

Nababaliw na ata talaga ako! Kanina ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko dahil sa galit at sakit ngayun dahil naman sa kaniyang ginagawa.

“Sorry rin… Kung hindi muna kita tinanong o kinausap tungkol sa nalaman ko.” Pag hingi ko ng tawad at yumakap sa kaniya.

“It’s fine. What you did is valid as well as what you feel. It’s solely my fault, I shouldn’t keep things from you.” He said before hugging me back tightly.

Alam kong magulo pa ang lahat. Masakit ang mga nalaman ko at ang mga nangyari, but because of the talking that we shared. All the bubbles and clouds of decisions that were banging my head instantly vanished. Na parang isang malaking tinik ang nabunot sa aking lalamunan sa lahat ng mga nalaman ko, na parang may malaking bato na nakadagan sa akin ang natanggal.

Knowing the truth about him having a child, a son is painful… A painful truth that broke me, a truth that stabbed me with the reality that there were things I couldn’t give to him… And one of those was bearing his child.

Pero mali ba ang patawarin ko siya at pagbigyan siya na patunayan niya ang kanyang sinasabi.

All his past, his vices, I accept them the moment I let him into my life. And part of that was the truth of him impregnating someone and having a child with her.

Sander may or may not be his son, but whatever the result is… I will be here with him, giving him his chance to redeem himself to me. I know that my trust in him could be tainted but I will trust him again… This time.

Chapter 31

CHAPTER 31

Family

Several months had passed after I learned about Seth’s child and his connection with Maurice. And until now, I still can’t believe he hid something from me. Even though I instilled in myself that I forgive him, there’s still something in me that can’t find the way to believe him. It was like something had broken within me, and it couldn’t be fixed easily.

Ganun pa man, hindi ko ipinahahalata sa kaniya na may ganun akong nararamdaman. I wanted him to feel that I truly forgave him, that I truly let him redeem my trust.

Seth never missed a chance to tell and update me about his doings and where he went.

Sa isang linggo na rin iyon ay marami ang nagbago… Kung dati ay hindi ko ramdam na may kahati ako sa oras ko sa kaniya kahit pa may tungkulin siya bilang isang Mayor ng lugar na ‘to. Ngayun, ramdam na ramdam ko na… Every time he tended to his son’s needs, the worry in his eyes and the weight in his voice revealed how cautious—how deliberate—his every action had become.

Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba sa naging away namin o dahil sa takot niya na makikipaghiwalay ako ay mas naging clingy siya at mas lalong gusto na magkasama kami. Minsan gusto nalang niya na isama niya ako kapag pupunta siya kay Sander. Tumatanggi ako kasi ayoko naman ipasok ang sarili ko ro’n at ayaw ko rin na mahati ang atensyon niya kapag nando’n siya sa anak niya.

And about the DNA test result? Oh great, it was like another bomb that destroyed me into pieces when it confirmed the truth between him and Sander. The result shows that a 9.9999999% is their probability of paternity.

Alam kong malaki ang posibilidad na mag-ama nga sila… Pero magsisinungaling ba ako pagsinabi kong hindi ako nag-asam at nagbaka sakali na hindi sila tunay na mag ama… Kahit na ang mukha nilang dalawa ay sinisigaw ang parehong mukha.

“Totoo ba, Ate? May anak si Mayor mo?” Hindi makapaniwalang bulong ni Jenny na ngayon ay mas naging interesado pa ata sa mga nasabi ko kesa sa mga sinasabi ng professor namin sa harapan.

I side-eye her before nodding my head her face became more exaggerated. “God! Bakit hindi nababalita?” She secondarily asked.

I shrugged. “Don’t know! Maybe he used his influence and power as a Mayor to cover all up?”

“Siguro nga,” Pagsang-ayon naman niya.

To be honest, I knew that he would keep it a secret from the public. I already expected to see him doing it. The thing is alam kong alam niya na magkakaroon ng epekto ito sa kaniyang imahe at posisyon bilang Mayor. This news will be a big scandal to the public, as everyone sees him as a godly bachelor…

A perfect man fell from the sky.

Maybe he was trying to protect his son from the eyes of the media and what would the public say to him… Maybe he’s only providing safety to his son.

“Kumusta ka naman, Ate? Okay ka lang?” Jenny asked worriedly. The affection and care were evidently in her eyes.

“Oo naman. Siguro.”

“We? ‘Yung totoo? Nasaktan ka ‘no.” She slapped my forearm weakly as she looked at me accusingly.

I glared at her, but a smile escaped against my lips.

“Syempre nung nalaman ko, nasaktan ako. Ano ba tingin mo sa’kin? Bato?”

Tumawa siya ng may pagka-malakas kaya naman napatingin sa amin ang professor namin at ang iba namin na kablock mates.

“Oops. Sorry po, Sir.” Mabilis na paghingi ni Jenny ng tawad nang tumagal ang tingin ng professor namin.

I bow my head to hide the teasing laugh from her. God! This bitch!

Buti na nga lang at kalaunan ay nagpatuloy ang diskusyon ng aming professor. Hindi ko alam kung ano magagawa ko sa bunganga ng babae na ‘to. Walang paawat at kontrol! Pasalamat nalang talaga siya at may maganda siyang kaibigan.

When our class ended today, Jenny swiftly dragged me to where we usually hang out. She forcibly made me sit on the grass space and look at me suspiciously.

“You, the freaking bitch. May hindi ka ba sinasabi sa akin?” Pagsisimula niya. Pinag-cross pa ng gaga ang kaniyang dalawang braso at tinaasan ako ng kilay.

I couldn’t help but chuckle because of her. Para kasi siyang chismosa sa kanto na kating kati na malaman ang ano mang impormasyon galing sakin.

“Gaga! Wala. Sinabi ko na sayo kung ano ang ganap sakin. Sinaktan ako, umiyak ako, naging marupok ako at ayon pinatawad ko.” I trailed off.

She tilted her head and looked at me accusingly. The way she looks says that she wasn’t convinced by what I said. It was like she was finding something that would prove her intuition was true.

She sighed in defeat after a moment. Umupo siya sa tabi ko at humarap sa akin. “So ano ba ang plano ng tite na ‘yon? H’wag mong sabihin na magiging kabit ka or what?” Iskahedera niyang saad at maarteng humalukipkip.

Nalukot ang mukha ko sa kaniyang sinabi. Her way of talking and her words had always been so shocking. Hindi ko alam paano o saan niya nakukuha ang lakas na maging ganito ka tabil ang kaniyang bibig.

“Napag-usapan naman na namin ang tungkol dito—”

“At ano ang napagusapan niyo?” Putol niya kaya napa irap ako.

“Na walang magbabago sa amin, oo, at itinago niya iyon sa akin pero ang sabi niya naman ay may balak naman talaga siyang sabihin sa akin iyon. Masyado lang siyang natakot.” Pagpapatuloy ko. I dropped my gaze on my hands as I said it.

“And you believe him?”

Tumango ako. “Yes, I believe him. Not completely… I don’t know…” I trailed off.

Jenny didn’t say anything after I said it, instead she just looked at me for a while before heaving a sigh.

“Mayro’n parte sa akin na agad na naniwala, pero dahil sa pagtatago niyang ginawa parang may nawala eh. Paramg may nabasag na kahit anong pilit kong ayusin hindi maayos ng ganun ganun na lang.”

It was my truth… Every time that Seth updating me about his whereabouts or what he’s doing… I can’t help but to think that he might keeping something again from me… It was like a poison that corrupting my head not to believe him or anything that he was saying.

“What you are feeling is valid, girl. Kahit ako… Napagdaan ko na ‘yan ang maloko at pagsinungalingan.” Her voice broke as she said the last part.

Napa-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya, her eyes look so sad and… in pain.

“Hindi mo talaga mapipilit sarili mo na maging katulad ng dating ikaw pagkatapos ng mga nangyari. There will always be changes that will occur, that will happen in you. But don’t be hard on yourself, let it feel that way… Maybe that’s how you protect yourself… Kaya naman ‘yan kahit na kaunting porsyento ka lang na maniwala sa kaniya. Just always remember, that your feelings are valid and no one could ever invalidate it…” Pagpapatuloy niya.

My eyes burn with tears threatening to fall. I swallowed the vile in my throat as I tried to keep myself in place. I don’t want to cry in front of her or here in a public place just for them to see me break down because of their Mayor.

“O-Okay naman sa’kin yung tungkol sa bata, kay Sander. Pero kasi hindi ko maiwasan na mapaisip na baka… Na baka may iba pa siyang tinatago sa akin… Na may hindi pa ako alam sakaniya.”

“Then why not try to ask him? Or make it as a leeway when you two are talking… Or having your own time… You don’t need to force anyone or anything to be on your accord… You can just do what you think is right and accept what’s the reality…”

I nod my head as her point slowly dawned on me. Hindi ko na alam kung ano ang mangyayari sa akin kung wala akong kaibigan na katulad niya. Bastos at wala man kafilter ang bunganga niya pero lahat naman ng lumalabas sa bibig niya sa tuwing ganito ang usapan namin ay may laman. She was like my fresh air when I was having a hard time and I always tried my best for hers too… I don’t know how to keep myself intact after everything that happened.

Jenny drove me home when afternoon came, she stayed at my apartment until eight and went home after. She didn’t leave me or my side until she felt that I was okay. Dahil sa pag-uusap namin ay tila may isang bato ang natanggal ulit sa aking dibdib na siyang nagpaginahawa kahit papaano sa aking nararamdaman.

Kinabukasan ay nagising ako na nasa tabi ko na si Seth. Wednesday ngayon kaya may pasok ako sa tatlo kong subs… He showered my sleepy face with kisses while he was caging me.

My heart burns from his warmth as its beats become fast. I groaned happily as I encircled my arms around his neck and wiggled my head to dismiss his kisses…

“God! Seth!” Inda ko habang natatawa.

“You deserve this… My wife deserves this…” aniya bago pugpugin ulit ng halik ang aking mukha. Napahagikgik ako nang mabilis na napadpad ang kamay niya sa aking tagiliran para kilitiin ako.

“Seth! Nakikiliti ako… Shit!” Tili ko habang pilit kong kinakawala ang aking buong katawan sa kaniyang ginagawa.

Seth’s laugh echoed through the walls of my room as he continuously attacked my waist and tickled me. The sounds of his laughter sent a thousand jolts through my body, it was as if his voice—particularly his laughter was the battery of my whole being to be able to live on.

Seth suddenly stopped tickling me, he stared at my face as if it were a painting that he admired. His eyes showed different emotions and one of them was longing and affection.

I raised a brow, puzzled by his way of looking. “Why? May dumi ba sa mukha ko?” I asked, trying to get an answer.

He smiled sweetly as he shook his head, disapproving of my claim. “No, your woke-up face is beautiful…”

I scrunched my nose, trying to mask the kilig that I was feeling. Boler ang kupal. “Sus! Ang aga aga nang bobola ka.”

He chuckled before planting a soft kiss on my lips, my heart hammered along with the jolts surging through my body.

“No, I’m not lying, Wife.” He said before attacking me with another kiss. I immediately tightened my embrace on his neck to deepen the kiss.

I moan when he bit my lower lip before pushing his tongue inside my mouth. Hindi ko alam pero parang umikot nalang sa hindi ko malaman na kumpas ang paligid at tanging siya at ang halik niya lamang ang mahalaga ar importante sa akin.

I pushed my face closer to him as I angled my face, trying to deepen the kiss that was going somewhere else. I know and I am ready if ever this kiss becomes something more, more than just kissing. Sa kaniya, sa kaniya ko natutunan at naramdaman lahat ng ganito, na kahit kailanman ay hindi ko pa naranasan sa iba. At para sakin, siya lamang ang tangi kong tatanggapin na magpaparamdam sa akin nito.

Seth stopped kissing me and he rested his forehead with mine, I could feel his breathing as he caught his breath—At ganun din ako.

“I love you so much, my wife. You’re the only woman I ever dreamed of becoming the mother of my future children—the only one I want to see beside me every time I wake up. The only woman who stole my heart… effortlessly. Ang tanging babae na malaya kong ibibigay ang aking sarili kahit hindi niya hilingin.” Pag-amin niya habang namumungay ang mga matang nakatingin sa akin. His voice was laced with full of sincerity and affection as he uttered every word.

Ramdam ko ang pag-init ng gilid ng aking mata habang mataman na nakatingin sa kaniya. I want to say something, to fire something too. Pero walang salita ang kayang lumabas sa aking bibig dahil sa kakaiba na aking nararamdaman. It was as if my very self was imprinting this moment—like it would soon become nothing more than a memory, something I could only look back on and reminisce about.

A tear fell from my eye as I swallowed everything. I love this man so much—even after he broke me, even after he shattered my trust. To him, I was like a servant—someone who would always obey his will. No matter what he did to me, I would fall apart, only to piece myself back together again. And for him… I could forgive, no matter how many times he wronged me… Na kahit pa alam kong kalabisan na iyon at salungat sa aking prinsipyo at paniniwala.

I couldn’t help but laugh as I stared at the two alpha males in front of me. Seth had invited me to come along—wanting to spend time with me, even while he was with his son. After ng class ko ngayon ay talaga sinundo niya pa ako, tatlo lang naman ang subject na may pasok ako kaya maagang natapos.

Sinabi niya rin na balak niya nga na ilabas si Sander at gusto niya rin ako makasama. Nung una ay ayoko pa nga dahil ang iniisip ko ay baka mahati ang oras niya, pero dahil makulit ang isang ‘to. Hindi niya taoaga ako tinigilan hangga’t hindi ako napapa-oo.

Sander scream as he fired the toy gun on the screen. Nakalabas ang dila sa gilid ng labi habang matalim na umaasinta sa mga di totoong kalaban na lumalabas sa screen. Seth laugh at his son, it was sincere, with no place for doubt, and deceit.

Hindi ko alam pero wala akong ibang maramdaman kundi ang maging masaya at matuwa habang pinanood sila. Walang bahid ng galit, inggit o kung ano pa man ang aking nararamdaman sa aking nakikita.

Sander glanced at me and smiled widely, I smiled at him too. He then looked back at the screen and continued to play with his father. I never seen Seth to be this happy, no room for other things other than his happiness and his son. Sa buong panahon na kami ay hindi ko siya kailanman nakita na ganito umasta sa harap ng ibang tao, maliban sa akin.

Hindi ko na nga rin alam kung may paki pa rin ba siya kung may makakita at kumuha ng picture nilang mag-ama at gawan iyon ng article. The last time I checked, he was protecting his privacy and the identity of his son that’s why he only visits his son in their house… He never brought his son along with him publicly… Ngayon lang at talagang kasama ako…

“Daddy, I am so much happy po… It’s… It’s my first time to go here tapos with you and tita Riz pa po…” Galak at tuwang tuwa sabi ni Sander habang kumakain ng paborito niyang Spaghetti…

I glance at Seth who are settling himself beside his son. Kakatapos niya lang kunin ang dinagdag niyang order para sa amin dalawa. Wala kasi dapat talaga kaming balak kumain ngunit dahil sa tuwa habang pinapakinggan si Sander na magkwento ng kung ano ano ay wala na kaming nagawa kundi kumain.

Sanda mukal na nga ang pagkain sa lamesa namin dito sa jollibee at karamihan do’n ay pagkain ng bata. Hindi ko nga maiwasan na mapa-isip lalo pa’t napansin kong masyadong hayok at uhaw ang bata sa mga ganito uri ng bagay… Na para bang hindi kailanman nagawa ni Maurice na ilabas siya… Na igala at ipunta sa mga ganitong lugar.

Seth kissed his son on his cheek. Sander giggled.

“Daddy, nakikwiliti po ako.” Aniya habang natatawa.

“Seth, hayaan mo muna ang bata. Hindi maka-kain ng maayos.” Saway ko na siya naman na sinunod agad ng lalaki.

Seth looked at me obediently. “Yes, Ma’am.”

I chuckled.

I began to wonder… maybe this is what our future could have looked like—if we had really built a life together. If he hadn’t changed his mind about me… if his love had stayed, rooted deep in his heart. Maybe this was how we would’ve looked as a family: dining in a high-end restaurant, our children laughing beside us, the air filled with quiet joy.

But then again, the reality will always slapped me hard… Just for me to wake up and see that those are only exist in my head… But not in this lifetime…

Chapter 32

CHAPTER 32

PARENTS

“Tita Riz, Daddy told me that you are his
Girlfriend, is that truw pow?” Sander asked me. I looked at him from the rear mirror and saw him looking at me with anticipation.

Pauwi na kami at papunta sa bahay nila Maurice kung saan kasalukuyan naninirahan ang mag ina para ihatid si Sander. Napagdesisyonan namin na umuwi na dahil kanina habang naglilibot kami sa MOA ay napansin namin ni Seth ang paghikab hikab ni Sander… Kaso nga lang ngayon na pauwi na kami tila naman nawala ang antok ng bata.

Narinig ko ang pagngisi ni Seth. Napabaling ako sa kaniya bago tuluyan na sumilip kay Sander.

“O-Opo, girlfriend po ako ni Daddy mo.” Sagot ko na siyang kinapula ng pisngi ng batang lalaki.

Sander averted his gaze and turned to the window, looking outside. I smiled before fixing myself in my seat.

When Seth said that Sander was smart and would understand everything, I never imagined that he was indeed smart for being able to understand what was up between his mother and his father. Ni hindi ko nga siya narinig na nagsalita tungkol sa relasyon ng mommy at daddy niya. He just acted cool and chill all the time that we were together at the mall.

“Daddy, are you planning po to make another baby? With Tita Riz po? Para may kapatid na po ako?” Biglang tanong naman ni Sander sa kaniyang daddy matapos ang pananahimik ng ilang sandali.

Nasamid ako sa sariling laway habang si Seth naman ay napatingin din sa anak bago sa akin. Nagkatinginan kami.

Kinagat niya ang kaniyang labi para pigilan ang ngiti na lumabas sa kaniyang labi.

“Why do you suddenly ask?” Seth countered his son’s question.

“Hmmm. Nothing, bigla kow lang pow naiship na baka gumawa pow kayo na kapawtid ko.” Aniya.

Seth chuckled. “I want that too. But baby, your Tita Riz is still not ready… She’s still studying pa and she wants to achieve her dreams first.” Paliwanag niya naman habang panaka naka ang tingin sa akin na tila tinitimbang ang magiging reaksyon ko sa kaniyang sinabi.

I raised a brow at him, kahit na nakatingin siya at tutok na tutok sa pag-da-drive alam kong alam niya nakatingin ako sa kaniya.

He smirked.

Earlier, my mind flew out of my head like it was transported to another world and had a glimpse of something, something that I had never thought I could ever want. I know that we’re still in the early stage of our relationship and we shouldn’t have been thinking about this. It was still too early for us to have these thoughts…

But because of Sander’s existence, I realized that having a child would be one of my insecurities. Ni kailanman kasi talaga hindi ako nakapagisip ng ganito…

God! You are fucking overthinking again… You shouldn’t let these things cloud your mind, you bitch, Riz!

I sighed. Maybe I need to stop overthinking… This isn’t right… Right?

Buong byahe namin ay hindi natahimik si Sander sa pagtatanong ng mga bagay na pumapasok sa isip niya. Natatawa na lamang ako sa reaksyon ni Seth sa mga hindi pangkaraniwan niyang tanong sa amin.

Well, he’s still a kid and he was just saying what’s in his head. Seth was very attentive to his son, na kahit ang pagkukulit nito sa upuan ay talagang hindi nakakatakas sa kaniya.

When we arrived at their house, Seth only parked his car outside the huge and modern house. Hindi ko nga alam kung house pa ba iyon o mansion dahil sa laki nito. They were guards who were standing outside and by only looking at them, it was easy to notice that this family was somehow powerful.

“Daddy, when ko pow ulit ikaw makakasama?” Sander asked sadly, his expression changed into something so common for a kid to show on their face.

Nandito pa rin kami sa loob ng sasakyan at hindi pa bumababa dahil sa atmospira na ngayon ay kumukulob sa loob ng sasakyan.

Seth looked at him softly. “I’ll visit you again when I’m done with work, okay?”

Ngumuso naman si Sander na tinapunan rin ako ng tingin. The way he looked at me said that he wanted to stay with us a little longer…

“Ih… Kailan naman pow iyon, Daddy?” Ngayon ay naiiyak na niyang tanong.

I don’t know but the sight of him being sad and wanting to spend more time with his Dad makes my heart hurt a bit. I knew that he was longing for something that I knew he had wanted to have for so long.

Kung sa akin lang kaya ko naman ipaubaya sa kaniya si Seth, to have them bond more, for them to make more memories. But this man right here won’t let me and he won’t do it. He said that he wanted to be fair, and he didn’t want me to feel that he had forgotten me just because he spent more of his time with his son.

Hindi ko naman iyon naiisip! Buang lang siya.

Hindi ako nagsalita. I stayed silent and let them have their moment to talk. Alam ko na wala naman dapat akong sabi doon dahil sila ang mag-ama at alam kong kaya naman ibigay ni Seth ang kailangan ni Sander.

Seth undid his seatbelt and went out of the car, I watch him walk towards the door of the passenger seat to his son. Nang buksan niya ang pinto kung saan nakaupo si Sander ay inayos ko ang aking pagkakaupo at dumungaw sa kanila.

Seth crouch a bit to level himself to Sander, he then caresses his son’s cheeks as he looked at him softly.

“Do you have something to say, big boy?” Seth asked.

Sander’s eyes watered but he stopped his tears from falling. He shook his head.

“W-Wala pow, Daddy.”

“Then why do you sound like you have something to say? Is there something wrong?”

Sander glanced at me before shaking his head again.

“Wala pow, Daddy. G-Gusto ko lang pow makasama ikaw ng matawgal pow.” His voice broke at the last word.

Parang kinikuyom ang puso ko sa bigat na hatid ng mga sinasabi ni Sander. Bagaman bata pa siya alam kong nakikita niya at naiintidihan niya na ang mga bagay na nangyayari sa paligid niya, kasama na ro’n ang sa mga magulang niya. And hearing him sound like begging for his father’s everyday presence was like stabbing me in the gut.

My stomach churn when Seth planted a kiss at his son’s temple. He’s always the sweetest man and seeing him showing it to his son and making him feel how he loves him was making me fall deeper for him.

“I love you, big boy. I promise we will go to the places that you want next time… Okay?”

Tumango naman si Sander bago tuluyang umiyak at yakapin ang daddy niya.

“Daddy, can I live with you pow? Can you take me away from here pow?” Hagulgol niya sa balikat ni Seth.

Nanlaki ng bahagya ang mga mata ko sa narinig at tumingin kay Seth na ngayon ay nakatingin na rin pala sa akin. Now, I’m more than sure that there’s something wrong happening here. I want to conclude and tell him to find out as to why his son said those words but it feels like I’m dragging myself to where I shouldn’t be.

Patuloy lang ang pag-iyak ni Sander sa balikat ng Tatay niya habang si Seth naman ay hinahagod ang likod nito habang may kung anong binubulong sa bata.

I didn’t say anything or do anything, I just watched them have their world. Hinayaan ko lang silang dalawa. Ilang sandali pa at natanaw kong bumukas ang gate ng malaking bahay at lumabas ro’n si Maurice na naka suot ng silk night dress na green.

Her eyes automatically darted to where Seth was. Nakakalokong siyang ngumis habang malagkit na nakatingin sa likod ng boyfriend ko.

Di ko alam pero sa pamamaraan niya ng pagtingin kay Seth ay may kung anong inis ang lumukob sa aking kalooban. I threw her my dagger looked even though, the car window was heavily tinted. Feel ko lang ay mararamdaman niya ang matatalim kong tingin.

I badly wanted to scroll down and open the mirror and shout at him, how dare she look at my man that way as if she were about to devour him wholly.

“Seth,” Mahinhin at impit niyang tawag sa lalaki.

“Sander, your mom is here. Let’s go?” I heard him whisper to Sander.

Sander sniffed before answering him. “Okay pow, Daddy. Please come back sooner pow.”

“I promise, Big boy. I’ll bring and tour you to the place you wanted to go, okay?” Seth promised his son, and the assurance in his voice was palpable.

My heart boomed for the nth time because of what I am hearing. My eyes shifted from Maurice back to Seth and Sander.

Sander nodded while his head was still buried on his father’s neck.

Hinayaan lang rin ni Seth si Sander na nakalingkis at nakayakap sakaniya habang pinapatahan niya ito. Nang naging kalmado na ang bata ay mabilis niyang inayos ang itsura nito, pinunasan ang pisngi na basang basa ng mga luha, ang magulong buhok.

He whispered something to Sander before glancing at me. From that moment, I knew that he wanted to ask for my permission to bring his son back to his mom, even though he didn’t need to ask for it. Hindi ko naman siya pagbabawalan, hindi rin naman ako magagalit pero kahit ganun pa man ay talagang nagpaalam pa siya.

I smiled at him assuringly. He looked at me with his eyes looking for any deceit, kaya tumango na ako nang paulit ulit.

“I’ll be back,” He said barely whisper.

I nodded again. Binuhat naman niya si Sander palabas at saka sinarado ang pintuan ng kotse. Pinanood ko lang sila mula sa loob ng sasakyan.

I saw how Maurice was attending to him and said something. Her way of smile and looking to my boyfriend had always been so… It makes me boiling, like a damn volcano full of hot and destructive lava ready to explode. Hindi ko alam pero parang ang galit na nararamdaman ko, o kahit pa ang mumunting inis ay tila nasa tamang lugar kahit pa naiisip ko na hindi pa naman kami tuluyan nagkakakilala, at nagkakausap.

Wala rin naman kasi akong naiisip na dahilan para mangyari ‘yon.

I watched them as they talk about something, I saw Maurice glance at me, at the car where I was before shifting her eyes back at me. Her eyebrows raised as Seth something to him, she then rolled her eyes and get her son from his father.

Doon ko lang napagtanto na nakatulog na pala ang bata sa mga bisig no Seth. Maurice carries Sander as if her son were just a bag or something that is not important. Para lang siyang nagbuhat ng kung ano nang kinuha niya ito kay Seth.

Nag-usap pa silang dalawa ng ilang minuto bago ko nakitang tumalikod si Maurice sa kay Seth at pumasok sa loob ng bahay nila karga ang bata. Hindi ko man nakikita ang mukha ni Seth pero malakas ang kutob ko na ayaw niya pang ibalik ang bata.

Nagtagal pa ng ilang sandali si Seth sa labas ng gate bago naglakad papunta sa kotse.

“Hi, kumusta?” I asked when he went inside the car and fixed himself in the driver’s seat.

He looked at me with his eyes gleaming with something. “Hello, Wife. Masaya ako.” Aniya pero iba ang pinapakita ng kaniyang mata.

“You sure?” I asked trying to confirm.

He just smiled at me sadly, trying to mask whatever he was feeling.

“Oo naman, Wife. Ikaw ba? Did you enjoy the day spending time with me and…” He trailed off.

Tumango ako. “Oo naman, masaya ako na makita kang masaya kasama ang anak mo.”

He didn’t answer me yet, instead he looked at my eyes trying to check if I was lying. Akala niya siguro ay nagseselos ako o kung ano pa man kahit ang totoo naman talaga ay masaya akong pinaunlakan nila akong makasama silang dalawa.

“Bakit?” Naguguluhan kong tanong ng hindi pa rin siya nagsasalita at mataman lang akong tinitingnan.

“Are you sure that you’re happy? That you okay?” Tanong niya.

Natawa ako. “Oo nga! Ano ba kasing iniisip mo? Na nagtatampo ako? Nagseselos kasi kasama mo anak mo?” Sarkastiko kong sabi bago inabot hinawakan ang kamay niya. Napatingin siya ro’n saglit bago tumingin ulit sa akin.

“Masaya ako, Seth. Totoo! At kung iniisip mo man na magsisinungaling ako or what. Mali ka dahil wala akong ibang nararamdaman ngayun kundi saya, saya na makita ka at si Sander na masaya.” I assured him, I brought our hands to my lips and kissed the back of his palm.

He was stunned by my action. He didn’t say anything and just looked at me with full affection. Namumula rin ang tainga niya at pisngi.

“God! I love you so damn much! The world knows how lucky I am to be able to hold you like this! You’re like a gem! I love you so much, Wife.” Aniya bago niya hinwakan ang magbilang pisngi ko at pinaulanan ng halik.

I know, Seth. And I love you so much too that I could even pretend that nothing happened to us, that there’s no secrecy in our relationship. Na kahit sa kabila ng mga sakit na naramdaman ko, mas nangingibabaw ang pagmamahal ko sayo.

Ni hindi ko na naisip pa ang dati kong paniniwala sa buhay, na pagdating sa lalaki ay hinding hindi ako magiging ganito kahumaling.

Naputol lang ang aming pagtitingin nang biglang tumunog ang phone niya na nasa kabisera ng sasakyan niya. Napatingin rin ako ro’n ganun din si Seth.

“May tumatawag, sagutin mo.” Utos ko. Kunot niya akong tiningnan bago tumango.

Kinuha niya ang phone at mabilis iyong sinagot.

“Yes, ma. Bakit ka napatawag?” Pagsisimula niya. Pinagmasdan ko lamang siya.

Ang mommy niya ang tumatawag. Ilang buwan na rin pala ang lumipas simula nung nagpunta kami sakanila at ipakilala ako bilang girlfriend niya. Alam na kaya nila Tita Melinda na may anak si Seth? Siguro naman oo dahil sa nakikita kong saya kay Seth sa nagdaang buwan ay alam kong masaya siyang ipakilala ang anak niya.

Inalayo ni Seth ang phone mula sa kaniya tainga at tila nabibingi sa kausap. “What was that, Mom? You don’t need to shout okay? I was planning to tell you but you knew it first before I could.”

Seth glanced at me. “Yes, she knew. I’m with her right now… Yeah, yeah.”

Hindi ako kumibo kahit pa naguguluhan na ako sa mga sinasabi niya. Pero base sa mga sagot niya ay tila may kinalaman ito sa anak niya.

“What is he doing there, Mom? I thought Daddy forbade him from going there?!” Gulat niya sabi bago mabilis na pinaandar ang sasakyan at sumibad habang kausap pa rin si Tita Melinda.

Sino? At bakit bawal pumunta sakanila?

“Yeah, we’ll go there now. I know, Mom. I will explain everything. Paalisin niyo ‘yan sa bahay.” Pinal at puno ng utos na aniya bago pinatay ang tawag.

“I’m sorry, Wife. It’s just Mom giving a fuss about Sander.” Aniya habang pasalit-salit ng tingin sa akin at sa harapan.

Tumango ako at hinawakan ang kamay niya. Ngayon lang nalaman ni Tita Melinda ang tungkol kay Sander at ano kaya ang naging reaksyon niya? Masaya? Syempre masaya siya dahil malaman niyang may apo pala siya sa panganay niyang anak.

“Ayos lang, Seth. Ano nga pala ang sabi ni Tita?”

“Nothing… She just called me to scream about how she was so shocked to know about her grandchild.” Kibit balikat niya.

Hindi na ako nagtanong pa at nanahimik nalang buong byahe. Mabilis rin naman kaming nakarating sa bahay nila. Sumalubong sa amin ang ibat ibang sasakyan na nakaparada sa kanilang garahe.

Seth scanned the car sharply as if he could put a bomb and blow those cars just by looking at them. His jew clenched as he looked at them one by one. Hindi ko siya matanong dahil sa galit na unti unting lumalabas sa kaniyang mukha.

After a moment he guided me out of the car and went inside their house. Nasa entrada palang kami ay rinig na rinig na namin ang malalalim na boses na nang gagaling sa loob ng bahay nila.

Seth’s hand gripped my waist tightly as if he was getting his strength from it. I glance at him puzzled and trying to analyze what’s the reason why he was angry.

Tuluyan na kaming nakapasok at sumalubong sa amin ang limang lalaki kasama si Tito Seb na blangko at walang kaemosyon-emosyon na nakatingin sa lalaking nakatayo sa harapan niya, nakatalikod ang kausap ni Tito Seb sa amin.

Sa tabi niya ay si Tita Melinda na nakahalukipkip rin at mataman na nakatingin sa lalaki. Sa sofa nila ay prenteng nakaupo ang tatlong lalaki na nasa tingin ko ay kaedaran lamang ni Seth.

Napabaling ang tatlong lalaki sa amin nang makapasok kami samantala ang tatlo ay naguusap pa rin.

“Mom,” Si Seth nang papalakad na kami papunta sa kung saan nakatayo sina Tita Melinda.

“Son,” Sabay na pagbati nina Tita Melinda at Tito Seb.

Tita Melinda went straight to us, she looked at me and gave me a sweet smile. I smiled at her too.

Napabaling ang tingin ko sa mga lalaking nakaupo. Sa pinakagilid sa kanan ay ang lalaking medyo kalbo at mukhang matalik ang itsura. Guwapo siya at parang laging laman ng gulo dahil sa pamamaraan niya tumingin. Malaki rin ang katawan at nakasuot ng maporma at kamahalan na damit.

Sa tabi niya ang isang lalaking naka flot top na hair cut, may hawig siya kay Seth sa ilang banda ng mulha niya lalo na sa ilong at sa matatalim na mata. Kumpara sa nauna, mas malumanay siyang tumingin at tila mahinhin lang.

Sa pinakadulo sa kaliwa ay ang isang lalaki na mapaglarong nakatingin sa amin, sa pamamaraan niya ay tila siya nang-aasar o nanlalaro. Naka wolf-cut siyang gupit. Nakasuot rin siya ng itim na polo na nakarolyo hanggang siko habang bakat na bakat naman ang mga bicep dahil sa paghahalukipkip.

I pulled my eyes away from them and shifted my weight.

“Buti nakarating kayo agad.” Si Tita Melinda matapos halikan kami sa pisngi ni Seth.

“Naku po, Tita. Halos lumipad na ako sa kinauupuan ko sa bilis nito magpatakbo.” Pagbibiro ko.

Tumalim ang tingin ni Tita Melinda kay Seth at tiningnan ito ng mapagbangang tingin.

“I didn’t mean to overspeed, I need to get her faster.” Pagrarason niya bago bumaling sa tatlong nakaupo sa sofa. “And what are you bastards doing here, huh?” Tanong niya naman sa tatlong.

“Why? Aren’t we allowed in here?” Yung lalaking naka-wolfcut.

“Yow! Bro, it’s been a while and yet you’ve been so cold to us. We missed hanging out with you, yo’know!” Ani naman nung lalaking nakakatakot kung tumingin. Pero sa tingin ko ay dahil lang sa mga mata niya kaya siya nagmumukhang nakakatakot.

“Yeah, it’s been ages since we went to a bar and get our dick laid with women’s—”

“Drake! Watch your mouth!” Saway sakaniya nung lalaki na nakausap ni Tito Seb. Mabilis na napunta ang tingin ko sa kaniya at tila ako nawala sa sarili nang unti unti itong humarap sa amin. He looked at Seth and tilted his head.

“Nephew,” Bati niya sa malalim at malagom na boses.

I feel like my soul left my body the moment he finally faced us, he looked like… Seth. Para silang pinagbiyak na bunga at kung ipagtatabi ay aakalain mong sila ang mag-ama. And to add to that, his build was like that of a bodybuilder, and even how he stood his body was straight like Seth’s too.

“What are you doing here, Tito Syrius?” Walang bahid ng kagalakan na tanong ni Seth.

I looked at my boyfriend beside me and saw how his expression darkened minute by minute. There are so much a like in face but there’s something thundering between them, like a long lost war that was just discovered and met today…

Chapter 33

CHAPTER 33

Past

The way his uncle looked at us was intimidating. It was as if he knew something, but he chose not to spit it out. He was just standing before us, watching us get fazed by his presence.

Hindi ko nga alam kung ganito rin ba ang nararamdaman ko sa tuwing tinitignan ko si Seth na nakatayo lang o talagang ibang iba ang aura ni Tito Syrius niya kumpara sa kaniya sa kabila ng mga pagkakaparehas halos nilang dalawa sa kanilang mukha.

“What are you doing here, Tito Syrius? It was clear that our family didn’t want to have any business with yours, Was there something that you couldn’t understand from the announcement that my father released?” He said tauntingly, his voice was tinged with cold mixed with warning as he enunciated every word.

What announcement?

His uncle smirked at his remark while his jaw clenched. “We are here as your mess will soon spread if you don’t handle it properly.” He sneered. “What the fuck are you thinking to go out there with your son and this—Wait, is she the—”

“Shut your mouth!” Seth cut him off. Napatingin ako sa kay Seth at pinagmasdan ang nag gigilit sa galit niyang mukha.

From watching and hearing them talking, I could easily think that there’s some beef between their families. At bakit parang kakaiba ang kutob ko sa mga lumalabas sa bibig niya, sa bilis at diin ng pagkakaputol sa kaniya ni Seth ay parang may tinatago pa siya sa akin.

Tito Syrius smirked at Seth mockingly, he then threw his eyes at me and scanned me from head to toe.

“What a lovely and beautiful girlfriend you have here, my dearest nephew…” He said darkly. “Did she know about the truth—”

“I said shut your fucking mouth! Or else?!” Kumalas na si Seth mula sa pagkakalingkis sa aking beywang at bahagya akong nilagay sa kaniyang likod.

“Syrius! Ano ba kasi talaga ang pakay mo bakit ka naparito?” Tila napipikon na ani ni Tita Melinda habang bahagya rin tinutulak si Seth sa pagsugod sa kaniyang Tito.

Tito Syrius bore his eyes at Seth, his jew clenched even more before he looked at Tita Melinda. “I didn’t give him that title to let him just put a speck of dirt on it. He built his name greatly and now he’ll just ruin it just because of his son.”

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ba galit na galit siya gayon na si Seth naman ang nakaupo bilang Mayor ng lugar na ‘to. And I don’t think that Seth was too young to be seen with his son publicly. He is now 28 years old and yet his uncle sounds like a father who couldn’t think more of how he handles his son.

“And what is it to you if my people know that I have a son. Don’t  you think I’m on the right age to have him?” He said pointedly as he looked at his uncle angrily. It wasn’t good that his tone of voice added so much weight to his words and coldness to the atmosphere in this house.

Hindi nakasagot si Tito Syrius. Tumingin lang siya kay Seth habang kuyom na kuyom ang mga kamao at ang panga ay umiigting. Kung kanina ay tila siya ang nang-aasar at tumutulak kay Seth na magalit, ngayon ay parang siya na ang nagalit sa sarili niyang pakana.

“Basta hindi mo puwedeng ipakilala sa publiko ang anak mo, na isaad sa kanila na may anak ka!” He growled as he put his last string so as not to burst his gut out to Seth.

Tumayo ng diretso si Seth at humalikipkip sa kaniyang tiyuhin. “I’m asking! What is it to you if I announce that Sander is my son? Is it because they might love me even more? Or because you have your personal reason?” may lamang tanong ni Seth.

Natahimik siya ganun rin si Tita Melinda na masinsinan silang pinapanood habang si Tito Seb naman ay mapaglarong nanonood sa anak na tila naman masayang napipikon na ang tiyuhin niya.

“You didn’t even give help when I ran for this title and yet, you have the audacity to barge into our house and command me not to introduce Sander as my son?”

“Just… Just do what I said, Seth. Or you’ll witness how your enemy shot him in his head.” Aniya bago tila nanghina at sumuko mula sa pagtatalo nilang mag tiyuhin.

Matunog na ngumisi si Seth at umiling.

Tito Syrius shifted his body and looked at Tito Seb. “You know what I am telling was true, Kuya. If your son introduces… S-Sander as his son. The enemy will use him as a pawn and his weakness. You know that we cannot let those people get into that position once more!”

“Yeah, Syrius. But I know my son more than I know you, he will never let those fuckers lay their fingers on him. We have our men to guard him, we even plant a secret bodyguard at their house just to guard my grandson.” Tito Seb said dismissively.

Tuluyang bumagsak ang balikat ni Tito Syrius. “Very well, you made your choice.” He then looked at the three men sitting on the couch bossily, as if they had their world.

“Boys stand up… We’re leaving.” Matigas niyang utas na siya namang mabilis na ikanatayo ng tatlo. His words were like a command from god to those men, he was like a general who must be followed all the time.

For them, it was like his words were definite and final. No more ground for decline and refusal, it was like a keyword to know your submissiveness.

Siguro kung anak niya, baka sobrang takot rin ako sa kaniya lalo na’t ganiyan ang katawan, baka masakal ako niyan hanggang mag violet ang face ko pag di ko siya sinunod. Like bitch! Literal na choke me daddy talaga.

Tito Syrius marched out from the house without saying anything, Seth on the other hand looked at him sharply as if he was stabbing the man multiple times.

Sumunod rin naman ang tatlo na pinagmasdan namin silang mawala sa loob.

“Kayo ba ay kumain na?” Si Tito Seb nang mawala na ang mga bisita nila. Napabaling ang tingin ko sa kaniya, binigyan ako ni Tito Seb ng matamis na ngiti at tango.

I smiled at him.

“Yes, Dad. We already ate our dinner.”

Tumango nang dahan-dahan si Tito Seb bago tumingin sa asawa niya na nakatitig laman may Seth. The way Tita Melinda looked at Seth is like she’s creating something in her mind that we shouldn’t know. Nakakunot ang noo niya ngunit may pag-aalal siyang nakatingin sa panganay na anak.

“Milda, Love. Is there something wrong?” Tito Seb asked as he went to his wife. He embraced him from behind. Hindi naman nagsalita si Tita at ngayon ay napapatingin na lang rin sa akin.

“Mom,” Si Seth na napansin na rin ang pananahimik ng Mommy niya.

Tita Melinda sighed. “You need to explain to me everything, Seth Adriel! We need to talk.” She said firmly, her voice tinged with command and finality.

Napapikit si Seth at lumingkis ulit ang kaniyang kamay sa aking baywang. He then massaged his temple, his movement tells me that something is off. Hindi ko lang talaga alam kung ano o saan, lalo pa nakadagdag sa bigat ng dibdib ko ang mga narinig ko galing sa Tito Syrius niya.

Why does it really feel like he’s hiding something from me? Something that wasn’t just a secret, something more. Like a bomb ready to explode!

Inangat niya ang tingin niya sa akin. Namungay ito at nanlambot. “Mag-uusap lang kami, Wife. Are you going to be okay here?” Malambot na tanong niya sa akin habang pinagmamasdan ang aking ekspresyon.

Tumango ako. Hindi ko alam kung bakit niya natanong iyon gayon na iiwan niya lang naman ako dito sa loob ng bahay nila. Ganun rin ba kaimportante ang pag-uusapan nila na kaya kailangan nilang pumunta sa ibang lugar?

Napapikit ako sa reyalisasyon. Gaga ka! Syempre may mga bagay na dapat sila lang na pamilya ang may alam. Kahit na sabihin mong girlfriend ka ay hindi agad ibigsabihin no’n na isasama ka na sa mga bagay na sila lamang ang may karapatan maka alam.

“Then, I’ll have manang to assist you, kung may kailangan ka magsabi ka lang sa kanila ha.”

“Oo, Seth. Sige na.” sumulyap ako sa mag-asawang nakatayo na sa hamba ng hagdanan habang naghihintay na nakatingin sa amin.

“Hinihintay kana nila Tito. Okay lang ako dito.”

Ilang minuto pa siyang tumitig sa akin at tila tinitimbang ang aking reaksyon bago siya madiin na pumikit at bumuntong hininga.

Seth planted a soft and tender kiss on my lips. Nag-init ang pisngi ko dahil sa harap pa talaga ng mga magulang niya.

“I’ll be back.” He said almost an announcement. He then turned his back on me and left.

Tanging tango na lamang ang naisagot ko dahil sa hiya na aking nararamdaman. Omg siya! Hindi man lang ba siya mahiya na sa harap pa talaga ng magulang niya ako hahalakin…

I bit my lip to suppress myself from squeaking. Ang lakas talaga ng loob niya sa mga ganitong bagay, kahit noon pa na hindi pa kami…

“Who are you? And why are you standing here like a crazy person?” A man’s voice suddenly spoke behind me.

A man in his early 20s welcomed my eyes, naka suot siya ng itim na t-shirt na pinaresan ng grey na sweatpants.

Siya yung lalaking kasama ni Tita Melinda noon sa apartment ko… Yung ex-boyfriend nung tranene…

Wait… Ano nga ulit pangalan niya? J-Jordan? Jake? Gosh!

“Hey!”

“Sorry! Ano ulit ‘yon?”

He rolled his eyes manly as he rested both of his hands on his waist. He looked at me as if I were some kind of funny joke.

“Really? Playing deaf, huh?” He said mockingly.

I looked at him with my squishy face. “Hindi ‘no! Hindi ko lang talaga narinig…”

He smirked.  “I said who are you? And how did you get in here? Are you one of our new maids?” He asked.

I shook my head. Kapal naman nito! Mukha ba akong katulog sa lagay kong ‘to. Sa gandang kong ‘to! Siraulo amporkchop!

“Excuse me! Do I look like one of your maids? Halata naman sa suot ko na hindi diba?”

“Hindi ba?”

“Hindi!” I leered.

“E, sino ka ba kasi?”

“G-Girlfriend ako ni Seth.”

His eyes grew a bit as his expression changed as if he realized something. “Oh! So you are ate Maurice? Kuya’s fiancée?”

Natigil ako sa kaniyang sinabi.  Wait! Fiancee? Nagbibiro ba siya? Nalilito ko siyang tinignan at hinanapan ng bakas ng pagbibiro ang kaniyang mukha. Ngunit ng makita ko na seryoso siya ay tila may bigik na namuo sa lalamunan ko.

“Fiancée? H-Hindi, girlfriend niya ako.” Paglilinaw ko.

He looked at me squarely as he tried to find any lies in my face. Nang wala siyang makitang pagsisinungaling ako ay tumango lamang siya.

“Nice to meet you then, Kuya Seth’s girlfriend. I’m Sebastine Joseph.” He introduced himself, pulled his hand out, and offered it. Diniig ko iyon at kinamayan siya.

“R-Riz,”

He stared at me for a moment while there was a smile on his face. He was like trying to imprint my face into his core. Ilang sandali lang ay binawi na rin niya ang kakay niya at tumango ulit bago tumaliko at naglakad papunta sa kanilang kusina.

I was caught by the time and left there for a moment. Nakatayo lamang ako ro’n at tila iniintindi ang mga sinabi niya… Maurice? Fiancee? How did he know Maurice? Matagal na ba silang magkakilala at pati ang kapatid niya kilala si Maurice. Well, sa itsura pa lang ng bahay nila Maurice na aking nakita kanina ay may sasabi ko na talaga na mayaman at may kapangyarihan ang kanilang pamilya.

So maybe, their families were business allies or maybe acquainted because of his political role.

“Ma’am, juice at cake po. Utos po ni Sir.” Ani ng isa nilang kasambahay.

Naputol ang aking pagiisip dahil sa biglaan nitong pagsasalita. Bahagya pa akong napatalon sa aking kinatatayuan kaya naman, nahawa rin ang kasambay kaya parehas na kaming nagulat na siyang dahilan kaya muntik na matapon ang dala niyang tray.

We both urge to keep it in place. She looked at me shyly.

“Ma’am, pasensya na po.” Paghingi nito ng tawad habang pilit na inaayos ang hawak na tray bago dahan dahan na ipatong sa table na malapit sa amin.

I looked at her, concerned. “Okay lang po, pasensya na rin po nagulat po kasi.” Natatawa kong ani.

Kumalma rin naman ang itsura at postura niya kaya mas lalo akong natuwa. She then excused herself.

Napagdesisyonan ko rin na kunin ang tray na may laman na isang slice ng cake at isang juice upang dalhin iyon sa labas, sa viranda ng bahay nila. I can finally enjoy myself here along with the breeze of the night and the sounds of the leaves dancing. Madilim ang kalangitang ngunit sobrang liwanag naman ng kapaligiran ng mansyon nila Seth.

Inilapag ko ang tray sa lamesa na naroroon at walang pasubali kong inayos ang aking sarili sa upuan. From here, I could see that some of their men glance at me, maybe wondering who I am or what I was doing here alone.

Hindi rin naman nila ako nilapitan at patuloy lang ang kani-kanilang ginagawa.

Suddenly, I remembered what Seth’s brother had said earlier. He said that Maurice was Seth’s fiancée, my curiosity was activated and now my mind was wondering what could possible reason why he said it.

Totoo ba o napagkamalan niya lang ako?

He knew Maurice so it means he met her once or maybe… A couple of times.

Paano niya nakilala si Maurice? Pinakilala ba ni Seth o…

Those are the questions that lingered in my mind as I wandered my eyes to my surroundings. Sinabi ni Seth na may nangyayari sa kanila ni Maurice, he admitted it. Ayon sa kaniya, iyon raw yung mga panahon na wala pa siyang kainte-interes sa pamamahala o sa posisyon sa politika. Maybe that was the time that his brother or maybe his family knew her.

May kung anong kumuyom sa aking dibdib. My throat tightened as if my breath was stuck in it.

Tumayo ako at lumakad upang tumayo sa barandilya ng biranda. Why do I feel like I am somehow bitter that Maurice was known to Seth’s family? Hindi ko dapat ito nararamdaman dahil wala naman namamagitan sakanila kundi ang pagiging magulang lang ni Sander… At nangako naman si Seth na walang ibang mahalaga sakaniya kundi ang anak niya at ako.

Lutang at lumilipad ang isip ko sa lahat ng mga nangyari at nalaman nang biglang may dalawang malulusog at maskuladong kamay ang pumaikot sa aking katawan. Hindi ko na namalayan na nandito na pala siya sa aking likuran at tapos na ang kanilang paguusap.

I felt his breath on my neck, he sniffing my skin and landing a soft kiss there.

“What are you doing here, hmmm?”

I craned my neck to give him more access as I held his arms that were snaked around my belly.

“Wala, nagoapahangin lang. Tapos na kayo mag-usap?”

“Hmmm.” Sagot niya.

Napaungol ako ng bigla niyang kinagat ang balat sa aking leeg pagkatapos at hahalikan.

“What’s bothering you again, Wife?” He asked. This time, he sounded like he knew that I was thinking something that why I was here… Alone.

I bit my lower lip as I felt him kissing me on my neck up to my ear and bit my earlobe. God! Dito pa talaga niya napiling ganitohin ako lalo pa’t may posibilidad na nasa paligid lang ang kaniyang magulang.

Ramdam na ramdam ko ang init ng katawan niya mula sa aking likuran. Nagsimula na rin magwala ang mga paro-paro sa aking tyan at ang init na unti unti sumisiklab sa aking kaibuturan.

Seth turned my body around, facing him. He then swiftly attacked my lips, ravaging me as if he were a lion taking the prey he chose to hunt.

Napapikit ako habang ang mga kamay ay napahawak na sa kaniyang matitigas na dibdib. Gumalaw siya kaya napagalaw rin ako, sinasalubong at sinusuklian ang kaniyang paghalik.

“Ugh…” I moaned when he bit my lip roughly.

Nang tumigil siya sa paghalik at binawi ang sarili upang maghabol ng kaniyant hininga… Ganun rin ang aking ginawa.

Namumungay niya akong tinitigan, tila tinitimbang ang aking ekspresyon mula sa mga nangyari. His eyes were just looking at me lovely.

“Tell me, Wife… Alam kong may iniisip ka at gusto kong sabihin mo iyon sakin… Para mapagusapan natin.” Namamaos at halos bulong niya sabi.

Ramdam ko ang pag-iinit ng aking pisngi. Hindi ko na nga alam kung dahil ba sa nahuli niya akong nagiisip o dahil sa nangyaring paghahalikan namin.

He raised my chin to make my eyes meet his. He tilted his head as he anticipated the answer that would leave my mouth.

“Tell me, hmm…” malambing niyang ani.

Wala na akong nagawa dahil huli naman niya ako. He always sees me as a book he can easily read. He always has those eyes glued on me every time he notices that something is bothering me. Napakaduga nga dahil pag ako, tila ako natatanga kapag sa tuwing sinusubukan kong basahin lahat sa kaniya.

“Wala… Naiisip ko lang lahat ng nangyari kanina, yung mga narinig ko…” Pag-amin ko.

“Why? Anong mayro’n sa mga iyon? You don’t need to think about it too much. What you just heard from that argument was nothing and we can handle them. So, relax and leave your mind out of it.” He said softly, pinatakan niya.

“Eh kasi…”

“Hmmm?”

Wala na akong nagawa kundi sumuko dahil sa pamamaraan niya nang pagtingin sa akin ay tila wala ng ibang pagpipilian kundi ang iwasan ang mga iyon

“Sige na, hindi na… Nag-aalala lang naman ako na baka… May ibang mangyari… Paano kung totoo ang sinasabi ng Tito Syrius mo? Na baka puntiryahin ng kalaban niyo si Sander…”

Hindi naman lingid sa kaalaman ko ang pagkakaroon ng kalaban lalo pa’t tungkol na ito sa politika at sa pagiging taong nakaupo sa pwesto.

Hinalikan niya ako sa labi, mabilis lang at magaan. Tila para lamang pakalmahin ako.

“You know me, Wife. I will not let anyone lay their fingers on him or even on you. Mauuna silang mamatay bago nila kayo mahawakan. I did not sit on this position to be just nothing. I have my men, my power and I will always have them used just to protect you, my love…”

Chapter 34

CHAPTER 34

Someone

Ilang linggo rin ang lumipas simula ang mga tagpong iyon sa kanilang mansion. And what Seth said to me was somehow able to calm me and reassure me. Iba kasi talaga ang nararamdaman ko sa mga bagay na aming narinig mula sa kanilang pag-uusap. Every word that was gushing out of their mouth was meant to be something, that something was coming—And it will not be good.

Pero dahil nga sa mga sinabi ni Seth ay medyo nawala sa akin iyon. Hindi rin naman siya yung tao na hanggang salita lang at wala sa gawa. What he’d said, he’ll do.  Kaya sa mga nangyari sa amin na kahit ang sakit at taliwas sa pinaninidigan mo, hindi ko maiwasan na magtiwala ulit sa kaniya.

He even ordered some of his men to guard me 24/7. Hindi ko nga alam kung ano mararamdaman ko eh, kung magiging kalmado at masaya ba ako o maiilang at mababaliw dahil sa mga bantay.

Hindi ko kasi kilala ang iba sa kanila, si Kuya Jan lang ang kilala ko at ‘yung isa pang kalbo na palagi niyang kasama dati pa.

“Good morning, Ma’am.” Bati ni Kuya Jan nang isang umaga sa labas ng apartment na tinutuluyan ko.

He was standing at the front of the black car. Naka-itim pa rin siya uniporme na palagi nilang suot noon pa man.

I smiled at him as I walked towards where the car was parked

“Good morning rin po, Kuya.” I greeted back.

Ngumit naman siya bago ako pagbuksan ng pinto. Bago pa nga ako makapasok sa loob ng sasakyan ay napansin ko na ang iilang chismosa sa labas na matindi at kuryosong nakatingin sa akin. Sa ilang linggong ganito, hindi pa ba sila nasanay na may mga lalaking nakaitim sa lugar namin. Okray!

“Saan po tayo, Ma’am?” Tanong ni Kuya Jan nang makapasok na ako sa sasakyan at nang maisaayos na ang lahat.

I opened my bag and ransacked it to check if I had forgotten something since today was one of our project presentations. “Sa school lang po.” Sagot ko habang patuloy pa rin na kinakalikot ang aking bag.

Hindi naman na sumagot si Kuya Jan at mabilis na rin pinasibat ang sasakyan para makaalis. After my schedule today at school, I’ll have a shift until 8 p.m.. Saglit lang ang trabaho ko dahil ngayon araw kong napiling umuwi sa amin.

Seth already knows about it since he’s busy na rin kasi election season na at sunod-sunod ang kaniyang meetings at tinatapos niya pa ang mga nakalatag niyang project na hindi pa niya nagagawa sa termino niya.

In the past weeks, a lot of things have happened. Pinasyal namin si Sander kasama sina Tito Seb at Tita Milda. Tita Milda was so emotional when he finally met his first grandson, she was stunned at first when she had a glance at Sander’s face. Paano ba naman kasi kamukhang kamukha ni Sander si Seth.

Masaya naman ang mga naging ganap, naging malago rin ang shop na pinagtatrabahuan ko. Nag announce rin ang pinaka head ng brand na magbubukas ulit sila ng panibagong branch ng shop at need ng isang mapopromote na manager. Luckily, I was chosen as one of the candidates.

But the thing that’s bugging me was the person who keeps on following me like a stalker, he or she was always wearing a black hoodie, with a black cap underneath. Hindi ko sinasabi pa kay Seth ang tungkol ro’n pati na rin ang mga weird message na natatanggap ko dati pa dahil tumitil na rin naman. Pero hindi ko maiwasan na kabahan lalo pa’t tila minamanmanan niya ako kahit saan, at kung ano ang aking ginagawa.

“Thank you po, Kuya Jan. Wait ko nalang po kayo mamaya.” Nagagalak kong sabi bago bumaba ng sasakyan.

Nasa carpark na kami ng university and some students were talking and some of them were just parking their rides here.

Kuya Jan looked at me through the rear mirror. He nods his head before saying. “Hahatid ko po kayo sa Del Prusada, Ma’am. Mahigpit na utos ni Mayor.” Aniya.

Tumango na lang ako dahil alam kong wala rin naman naman akong magagawa kung aangal pako, isa pa ay makakatipid pa ako sa pamasahe.

Lumabas na ako sa sasakyan at handa nang lumakad ng mapansin ko sa paligid ang taong ilang linggo nang nagmamanman sa akin. Kitang kita ko ang katwan niya na tila sinasadya niyang ipaalam na nasa paligid lang siya.

I stood there and looked at the person, trying to get a look at how she or he looked. Pero bigo ako dahil hindi ko talaga maaninagan ang kaniyang mukha. Napatitig lamang ako sakaniya, pili sinusubukan.

The person smiled at me wickedly. My heart starts to pound hard inside my chest. And from that moment, I realized that the person was a he. A man.

He tilted his head and from there, I had a glance at his eyes. Black as an orb, filled with rage and something… Something more like… Evil?

He smirked at me for the last time before fleeing away from the sight. My legs wobbled because of the things that played in my mind.

I don’t want to overthink but the way he smiles—smirk at me gives me a different possible thing that may happen. Hindi ko rin alam kung anong pakay niya, kung bakit sa ilang linggong dumaan ay walang palya siyang sumusunod at nagpaparamdam sa akin. I feel like he intentionally wants me to notice him lurking around, or even stalking me from places to places.

Kung hindi pa ako tatawagin ni Jenny ay hindi pa ako mababalik wisyo.

“Hoy! Ate! Ano na’t bakit tulala kana diyan? May presentation pa tayo sa education and morals, Ate!” Si Jenny habang kinukumpas ang kamay niya sa harap ng mukha ko.

I blinked twice before gasping. “Oh, Jenny. Ikaw pala ‘yan. Sorry, kanina ka paba?”

Tumaas ang kilay niya at tiningnan ako  na para bang isa akong isang langaw sa isang tae na diring diri siya.

“Hoy! Hindi porket pogi ang nobyo mo at malaki ang burat ay magiging baliw kana! Ate, sa werut mo pumapasok ang burat hindi sa utak kaya natural na kanina pa ako nandito at tinatawag ka!” Maarte niyang saad.

Hindi ko mapigilan na matawa dahil sa kabulgaran ng kaniyang bibig. Hindi ko rin alam kung dapat rin ba akong matawa o maskandaluhan sa kaniyang sinabi.

“Ikaw talaga! May iniisip lang ako at tyaka hoy ka rin! Hindi porket ganito mo akong naabutan ay dahil na ‘to sa burat.” Sagot ko at naglakad, para lagpasan siya.

Nang maka ilang hakbang na ako ay tumigil ako at hinarap siya. Nakatayo lang siya at mapaglarong nakatingin sa akin. Ngumiti ako ng nakakaloko.

“Mag-iilang buwan na nga eh, miss ko na rin siya!” Ani ko sabay lakad ng mabilis. Rinig ko pang tumili siya at patakbo akong hinabol.

Hindi na ako tinigilan ni Jenny hanggang makapunta kami sa room kung saan gaganapin ang reporting namin. Puno ng saya at tuwa ang aking nararamdaman dahil sa kalokohan namin dalaws. She continuously throws scandalous questions at me, just to feed her curiosity.  

Kaya ang ending napakwento nalang rin talaga ako at napapasagot sa mga tanong niya. Kinuwento ko sa kaniya kung paano nangyari yung first ko kaya ang gaga tila lasing siyang tili ng tili habang pinaghahampas ako sa braso. Kung mawala ang barbie arms ko siya talaga pag-gagastusin ko.

Pero totoo lang, ilang buwan o linggo na ata kaming walang ganao ni Seth. The last time we did the deed was when we were in my apartment, the same day that I accidentally read the messages that Maurice sent to him. ‘Yun at ‘yun lang talaga ang huli at hindi na nasundin.

Hindi sa hinahanap ko pero wala eh, bigla ko lang rin talaga naisip. At kung namimiss ko man hindi ko naman puwedeng pilitin si Seth, cause for me, consent was everything when it comes to… SEX.

Consent…

Without it, even you have the urge and need to do it. You don’t have the right to push it through. At hindi lang dahil na may relasyon kayo o mag-asawa man kayo o kung ano pa man ang mayro’n sa pagitan niyo, kung wala ito, hindi pwede at… Bawal.

Ni hindi ko nga rin magawang magtampo dahil alam kong busy siya… Na maraming siyang inaasikaso sa trabaho at tungkulin niya… At ngayon pa na nalaman niyang may anak na siya, kaya mas lalo pa siguro na nawala na sa isip niya ang ganun na bagay.

“God! Ate, hindi ko alam kung uurong ba ako o itutuloy ko yung kasal na planado ng mga magulang ko. Kung makita mo lang kasi kung gaano ka gaspang ang ugali ng mapapangasawa ko, siguro ikaw rin ay walang pasubaling aatras.” Malakas na kwento ni Jenny habang naglalakad kami papunta sa canteen.

Nakuwento niya kasi ang dahilan kung bakit nawala rin siya sa area of responsibilities namin na magkaibigan. ‘Yun nga ay dahil sa i-a-arrange marriage siya sa isa sa mga anak ng kasosyo sa business ng daddy niya. Hindi ko nga inaasahan na pati rin pala siya ay makakaranas ng ganun.

Napangiti ako sa kaniya sinabi habang naiiling ako. Naka angkla ang kamay niya sa braso ko at full emotion pa kung magkuwento.

“Bakit hindi ka tumanggi o umurong, Te? Kilala kita kapag ayaw mo, ‘di ka mapipilit.” Saad ko

Namula ang pisngi niya at tila napapaso akong tinignan. Naglikot ang bilog ng kaniyang mata habang pilit pinipigilan ang ngiti sa labi.

“P-Pogi kasi siya, Ate.” She trailed off which caught my breath against my throat.

Jesus! Nababaliko nga pala ang pagiging matigas ng paninindigan niya basta pogi.

“Dahil lang do’n?! Okray ka talaga!”

She gasped sassily. “No! Mayro’n pa kaya,” dugtong niya habang nangunguso ang labi.

Tumaas ang kilay ko at mapaghamon konsiyang sinulyapan. “At ano pa?”

“Malaki rin ang katawan tapos yung…”

Both of my eyebrows raised as I looked at her playfully, expecting what she was about to say.

“Burat,”

“Burat,” Sabay naming saad kaya naman umalingawngaw ang tawa namin sa pasilyo ng palapag na aming kinaroroonan.

Nagkatinginan kami at bahagyang napahinto sa paglalakad.

“At paano mo naman na malaki ang… Kargada niya ha?!”

She smirked scandalously as her eyes dilated. “Nasubo ko na.” Aniya bagong nagpatuloy maglakad.

I was left there standing, gagged by her words. That bitch was perfectly modeled as a crazy, flirty and playful transwoman I ever met. She was my friend, yes, but god! I wasn’t even expecting her to be like this… Vulgar and scandalous.

I quickly ran my feet to keep up with hers.

Nang paliko na kami sa pasilyo ay umalingawngaw ang ingay ng sa palagay ko ay grupo ng mga lalaki.
When we successfully turned to the area where the loud noise came from, a group of men stared at our eyes. There are six of them and three of the men are sitting on one of the stairs. And what caught my eye was my bestfriend who was no longer present. He was leaning on the wall, his head was looking at his company. Ang mga mata niya ay ibang iba sa Alex na nakilala at nakasama kong lumaki.

Hia eyes that once filled with joy, happiness, kindness were now blank and lifeless, it was as if life had left them. My heart hammered with unwelcome pain that wasn’t expected to bloom inside my heart.

What happened to him? This is not what I was expecting him to become after I had talked to him that day… The day that he came to me broken… and devastated.

Parehas kami ni Jenny na napatigil sa paglalakad at pagbaba ng hagdan. Alex’s eyes suddenly flickered towards us. His expression changed in an instant—so quickly that it vanished just as fast as it changed. But my eyes were never wrong and so precise as I caught it before it disappeared—returned to be blank and lifeless.

For a moment, I saw shock and pain flash across his face. And in the way his smile slowly faded… it felt like something he had long buried had just surfaced again.

My shoulder loosened as I looked at him. He didn’t mean to show it but the way his eyes collided with how he looked at us shows that those were real and raw, it was like a memory of his flashed through his eyes and the emotion clawing its way out of the past.

Gusto ko siyang lapitan, tanungin at kumustahin ngunit tila may kung ano sa akin ang kinakabahan at natatakot na kapag ginawa ko iyon at simabi niya ang kung ano man ang dahilan ng mga pagbabago sa kanya ay baka mabasag lang rin ako.

He tilted his head as his eyes crawled slowly to the woman beside me. His eyes became dark as his lips raised—turning into a playful but pained smirk.

“Jenny,” Mababa kong tawag sa kaibigan ngunit napabaling ako sa kaniya nang mapansin ko na tila nanigas siya sa kaniyahg kinatatayuan.

Ganun na lamang nagsalubong ang kilay ko ng mapansin ang namumula at tila paiyak na mata ji Jenny habang nakatitig sa lalaki. They’re looking at each other, battling their eyes. Walang nagpapatalo, walang nag-iiwas ng tingin.

Nang ilang sandali pa ay naunang nagiwas ng tingin si Alex at umayos ng tayo, may kung ano siyang sinabi sa mga nagtatawanan na kasama kaya napatihimik ito at napatingala kung nasaan kami. And just like how Moises cut the Red Sea, the men were forced to stand up and give us a way.

Niyugyog ko ng palihim si Jenny kaya ito nabalik sa wisyo. She wiped her eyes as she shifted her weight—ready to leave.

Nagpatuloy na kaming bumaba sa hagdanan, hindi na inalintana na kami lamang ang babae ro’n at puro mga barako pa ang naroroon.

“Excuse me,” I whispered.

My mind was clouded with questions and ideas on why he became like that. Ang layo layo niya sa dating kaibigan. Sa dating lalaking parang buntot kona kung maka sunod sa akin.

He became more manly, sharp, and even became deadly. No longer the soft and kind-looking Alex that I remembered.

Walang umimik na sa amin ni Jenny simula ng tagpong iyon hanggang sa makapunta kami ng canteen at makabalik. Tila kami naging pipe at nabara sa sariling laway dahil sa pananahimik namin. Dahil ba iyon sa babaeng tinutukoy niya no’n… Na pilit siyang pinatigil ng kaniyang magulang sa pagmamahal sa dalaga para ipakasal sa iba.

A memory suddenly flashed in my mind. It was a memory where I spotted the two important people in my life in one place, my trans-bestfriend and my boy bestfriend in a supermarket.

Napabaling ang mata ko kay Jenny na nagsasalita ngayon sa aking gilid, pinapaliwanag ang reporting namin sa tatlong professor na magbibigay grado sa aming proyekto.

The realization was like a string that pulled all the pieces together and brought the whole image. Don’t fucking tell me that Jenny was the woman that Alex love so much—the woman he cried about.

My stomach churned as my eyes were glued to her, still explaining the reports showing on the monitor.
Hindi ko alam kung tama at wala pang kasiguraduhan ngunit bakit tila sinasabi ng aking kalooban ko na tama ang sinisigaw ng utak ko, na siya ang babaeng iniyakan ng bestfriend ko.

I tried to look back on all the memories I spent with her and my bestfriend—Alex. At ganun na lamang ang pagpitik ng puso ko ng mapagtanto na may mga pagkakataon na sabay silang nawawala o minsan ay wala talagang nagpapakita sa akin.

At mas lalo pa nagbigay bigat sa kutob ko ang isang beses na nag-aasaran silang dalawa habang nakatambay kami sa isang bench. Those moments were shouting a clue, a big puzzle-piece but I absentmindedly ignored them.

Fuck!

Hindi ko alam mung bagay ba sa akin ang magmistulang detective conan pero hindi ko maiwasan ang magisip.

“Magiingat ka, Ate.” Pagpapaala ko sa kaibigan kong si Jenny nang matagumpay kaming nakarating sa car park.

She fixed herself on the seat of her big bike as she carefully wore her pink painted with a bit of black helmet.

She smiled at me before sliding her head inside the helmet. Hindi ko na nagawang komprontahin siya para man lang makumpirma ang bagay na nabuo sa aking utak. I also chose to shut my mouth as it was not my thing to ask and even the right to suspect them.

Mabilis akong pumasok sa sasakyan na palaging gamit ni Kuya Jan upang sunduin ako.

To Ramon:

Ramon, uuwi ako mamaya after ng shift ko. ‘Wag ka kaagad matutulog. Labyu

To Seth:

Seth, kakatapos lang ng reporting at sched ko. Papasok na ako sa work. I love you <3

Buong byahe ay wala akong ginawa maliban sa mag message kay Ramon na ngayon ako uuwi sa amin at magupdate rin kay Seth kahit alam kong nagupdate rin naman sa kaniya si Kuya Jan.

When the car was successfully parked in front of the coffee shop where I am working, I check myself first in my compact mirror to see if I didn’t look like shit.

“Salamat po, Kuya Jan. Mamaya na lang po ulit.” Ani ko nang masigurado kong okay naman ako at presentable.

Ngunit hindi man lng sumagot si Kuya Jan at di rin kumibo. Kuryoso, sinulyapan ko siya mula sa driver’s seat at ganun na lamang ang pagsalubong ng kilay ko nang makita kong nangingiti siyang nakatingin sa labas.

Curious, I glanced at what he was looking at. Seth along with his son was standing outside the coffee shop, as if they were waiting for someone. There’s a smile on their faces as they look at the car where I was. Ang dalawang lalaking tila pinagbiyak na mukha, walang bahid ng pagkakaiba, parehas guwapo.

Slowly, I slid out of the car and from there. I heard a word I never expected—a word I never thought would sound so sweet, almost like music to my ears. From someone who I didn’t expect to exist in my life in the first place.

“Mama Riz!” Sander called out to me, loud and full of joy, his voice echoing with excitement as he ran toward me.

Chapter 35

CHAPTER 35

WARNING: SPG

The Room

Mabilis na yumakap si Sander sa aking hita habang nakaangat ang tingin sa akin. My heart was hammering inside my chest for whatever reason. Wala na akong oras pang maunawaan ang dahilan no’n dahil nakatingin lang ako kay Sander.

Sander is wearing a black hoodie paired with grey shorts. Nakasuot rin siya ng Nike Air na kulay itim at puti habang may sukbit na red bag sa likuran. Samantalang ang Daddy niya naman ay nakasuot ng black polo shirt at grey slacks at nakasuot rin ng katulad sa anak na Nike. Naka-suklay naman ng maayos ang buhok niya na siyang nagbigay ng sobrang poging awra sa kaniyang kabuohan.

His face was looking at me with full excitement. His affectionate eyes were focused only on me.

“Mama Riz, Daddy told me we cayn visit you pow that’s why I am here kasi gusto ko pow na makita ikaw mag work.” Aniya habang malawak ang matamis na ngiti na pumapalagi sa kaniyang mukha.

I couldn’t digest what was happening because of the warm feeling that the word he used for calling me was so much. Sobrang sarap sa dibdib at tila walang ibang pwedeng makakuha no’n sa akin.

Mama…

I don’t know why that word suddenly has so much weight to me. It was meant to be normal, no effect, and no deeper meaning. But because Sander was the one who uttered those words was like Cupid shot me an arrow in my heart and I am now falling in love with him even more.

Hindi ko rin inaasahan na mapapalapit ako sa bata. Sa anak ni Seth sa iba, sa ibang babae. I don’t know anymore if what I was feeling right now was even a normal reaction from a person who was betrayed.

I held both of his shoulders to remove him from embracing my leg, and I lowered my body to level it with his.

Our eyes met, and from that moment, I felt like my whole body was melting because of how soft his eyes were. “S-Sander…”

“Yesh pow, Mama Riz.” He said…

Again.

That word. He said it again and now my heart starts to pound faster as it was before.

Tila nagbara ang lalamuna ko at bigo akong sabihin ang kung ano dapat kong sabihin sa kaniya. I raised my eyes instead, and looked at his father who was standing proud not from where Sander and I were.

“Seth, bakit hindi ka nagsabi na pupunta ka rito? Sinama mo pa talaga ang bata.” Ani ko sa kaniya bago ko ibalik ang aking ting sa batang nasa aking harapan.

I brushed his hair up and felt his sweat. Namamawis na siya dahil nasa labas kami. Feel ko tuloy kasalanan ko na nasa ganitong lugar siya.

“Baby… Why did you go here with your father? Hindi mo ba alam inuuto ka niya.” Pagbibiro ko habang patuloy ko pa rin sinusuklay ang buhok niya.

Napaka guwapo niyang bata… Nasisigurado akong paglaki niyabg bata ay maraming babae ang magkakandarapa sa batang ‘to. H’wag naman sana siyang maging mapaglaro ng puso.

Sander’s eyebrows knitted as he looked at me playfully. “Hindi naman pow ako niloloko ng Daddy pow eh,” aniya at talaga pagtatanggol ang kamukha niya.

Napatawa ako na siyang kinabungisngis ni Sander. I brushed his hair one last time before I stood up and held his hands and walked straight to where his father was.

“Really, Seth? Talagang ginawa mo pang kasabwat itong anak mo sa pagpunta dito.” Sabi ko nang matagumpay kaming nakapunta sa kinatatayuan niya.

From here, I could see that the shop was a bit peaceful. May mga customer pero hindi naman paspasan, tila isang mapayapang lugar lamang. Hindi katuld nung isang araw na dagsa na naman ng customer ang shop na kinailangan na pati si Cleo ay tumulong na rin sa paghahatid ng mga order sa mga customer.

Seth’s hands immediately snaked around my waist and planted a soft kiss on my head, down to my cheeks then a swift kiss on my lips.

“What are you saying, hmmm?” Patay malisya niyang saad.”

“Daddy, kita ko pow iyon. Ni kiss mo si Mama Riz, ‘di ka patas.” Biglang sabi ng anak niya na ngayon ay nakasimangot nang nakatingin sa kaniya.

Nagkatinginan kami ni Seth bago natawa. Para akong lulutang sa ginhawa at saya na aking nararamdaman.

I looked at Sander and pinched his cheek. Napatingin naman ito sa akin at mas lalong sumimangot. Mas lalo tuloy akong natawa.

“Ayan! Halik ka nang halik nakikita na ng anak mo, pag ‘yan lumaki na katulad mo. Sinasabi ko talaga sayo.” Sabi ko bago ko ini-level ang aking sarili kay Sander at patakan siya ng halik sa mukha na siyang ikinaaliwalas ng kaniyang mukha.

Pagtapos ay iginayak ko na ang anak niya upang pumasok sa loob, may trababo pa ako at baka sa ginagawa namin ay malate pa ako. Sayang ang kaltas sa sahod.

Nang nasa pintuan na ako ng shop at nag-aambang pumasok kasama ang bata ay natigilan ako nang mapansin kong hindi gumalaw si Seth.

When my eyes looked at him, his frowning face surprised me. My lips raised and I looked at him puzzled.

“What? Hindi ka pa ba susunod o may hinihintay ka?” Pagtatanong ko. Pilit kong pinipigilan ang tawa na tumakas sa aking labi dahil sa mukha niyang nakasimangot.

He rolled his eyes at me, lazily. He sighed before walking towards us.

“What are you saying that Sander might be like me when he grows up? Are you saying that I was a bad man?” He said, almost sulking.

Hinawakan niya ang handle ng pintong salamin ng shop at siya na ang nagbukas no’n para sa amin kahit ang mukha ay nakasimangot pa rin.

Hindi ko siya sinagot at dumiretso na ako sa bandang dulo ng shop kung saan ay may maayos at mas komportableng lamesa at upuan.

I asked Sander to sit at it and behave. I settled him and fixed his things.

“Baby, behave ka lang kasama si Daddy mo ha.” Malambing kong pagpaalala sa kaniya.

The chair that was beside him moved and Seth sat on it, chilly.

Sander nodded. “Opow, Mama Riz. Promish pow na behave si Sander.” Aniya, tumingin muna siya sa ama bago sa akin.

He then grabbed his bag and opened it. He ravaged it and then pulled out a coloring book and showed it to me like a proud kid he is.

“Look pow, Mama Riz. I brought it here because I want to show it to you pow, Behave pow ako.” Tumango tango pa ito habang kinukubinsi ako.

Napangiti naman ako bago ko halikan ang kaniyang noo. “Good, baby. Color that book and show me the result later, okay?”

“Opow,”

I smiled at him before I shifted my body and looked at his Father who was already staring at me. Something thugged my heart because of the way he looked at me. His eyes were soft and gentle while staring at me, those eyes were melting me as if I were some marshmallows.

“Why?”

He shook his head while a sweet and contented smile was plastered on his lips. “Was your shift about to start?” He asked.

I fixed my poise and stood straight. Pinagpagan ko pa ang black slacks na suot ko.

“Oo, kaya bantayan mo maigi ang anak mo ha. Ang pogi pa naman baka manakaw.”

“Of course, Wife. Why does it sound like you don’t have any trust in me? Mukha ba akong masama Tatay sa kaniya?”

Natawa naman ako dahil ang bilis magbago ng mukha niya at tila bugnutin niya ngayon.

“Wala akong sinabi. Ikaw ang nagsabi niyan.”

“Tsk!” He looked away, frowning.

“Nag-f-fight po ba kayo?” Biglang sabi ni Sander habang palipat lipat ang tingin sa aming dalawa. Hindi ko na napigilan at natawa na talaga ako.

“No, baby. We are not fighting.” Pag-iiba ko sa iniisip ng bata.

“Okay pow,” Aniya at nagsimula na sa pagkukulay.

Napatingin ulit ako kay Seth na busangot ang tingin sa akin. Natawa ulit ako, hindi ko alam bakit ganito siya ngayon. Para siyang batang inagawan ng candy.

“O’siya, magtatrabaho na ako. Pagnagutom kayo order nalang kayo, marami ka namang pera eh. Libre mo rin ako.” Pahabol kong biro at natawa ulit.

“Are you enjoying this, Wife? You making fun of me now, huh?” Aniya at tila hindi pinansin ang paalala ko.

Talaga bang napipikon siya? Jusko po! Napaka cute naman nitong boyfriend ko! May anak na lahat lahat ganito’t bugnutin pa rin.

“Hindi ah! Guni guni mo lang ‘yon. Sige na, bye na.” Paalam ko dahil malelate na talaga ako sa pag-punch ng shift ko.

Akmang tatalikod na ako sa kanila ng bigla kong maramdaman ang kamay ni Seth sa pulsuhan ko. Mabilis akong lumingon sa kaniya at nakita kong bahagya na siyang nakatayo, busangot at namumula ang pisngi.

“Bakit?” Nagtatakang tanong ko.

He pouted his reddish lips. “Where’s my kiss, hmmm?” He trailed off.

Namilog ang mata ko at di makapaniwalang tinignan siya. Jusko po. Akala ko naman kung ano na! Kiss lang pala.

“Gosh! Akala ko naman kung ano.” Saad ko bago ko pinatakan ng halik ang nanguso niyang labi. Ramdam ko ang paninigas niya at mas lalong pumula ang pisngi niya na parang kakalat iyon sa buong mukha niya.

“Me rin pow, Mama Riz. Nanlalamang na naman pow si Daddy,”

Natawa naman ako at pinatakan ulit ng halik ang anak niyang nakabusangot na rin. Jusko! May dumagdag pa nga na isang batang kamukha niya na hindi magpapalamang.

Kalaunan ay iniwan ko na rin naman ang mag-ama ro’n at dumiretso na sa may counter. Doon ay naabutan ko si Cleo na nakatayo sa bago namin na Cashier na si Kattie. Pinagmamasdan ni Cleo ang buong shop at tila may iniisip na kakaiba.

“Hi! Magandang buhay.” Pagbati ko sa kanila nang nakangiti bago ako dumiretso sa Attendance biometrics machine na nasa gilid.

“Nandito kana pala, Riz. Kasama mo ang mag-ama mo?” Kantyaw niya. Napabaling ang tingin ko sa kaniya habang nakadutdot ang aking daliri sa machine.

Tinignan ko siya nang nangingiti. “Mag-ama?”

Tinaasan niya ako ng kilay at tumingin sa akin sa magpalarong paraan. “Sus! Patay malisya pa siya, eh sa saya niyong tingnan kanina habang papasok kayo rito ay mukha kayong isang buong pamilya.” Aniya.

Namilog ang mata ko at napatingin sa mga customer, tinitignan kung may nakarinig ba sa kanyang sinabi. Jusko! Ang lakas ng boses niya na na akala mo ay tatlo lang kaming tao na nandito. May mga customer kaya at baka may makarinig sa kaniya at akalain na pamilya talaga kami.

“Psht! Siraulo ka, Sir. May makarinig sayo diyan. Alam mo naman na laman ng article si Mayor.”

“Sus, Mayor ka pa. Bakit di mo nalang tawagin na asawa mo.” Pangangantyaw niya ulit bago tumawa.

“Sir!” Nilakihan ko ang aking mata siyang tinignan.

Talaga naman!

Hindi naman niya sinundan pa ang mga pangangatyaw niya at pinapasok na niya ako sa staff room upang makapag palit ng damit pang trabaho dahil naka uniform pa rin ako ng pang pasok sa unibersidad.

Ang shift ko ngayon araw ay hindi naman nakakapagod. Sobrang chill at payapa. Hindi ko na nga kinaya na walang masyadong ginagawa at nakitulong na rin ako mag serve ng mga orders. Ang trabaho ko kasi ay binigay muna sa baguhan na si Kattie. Nasa training period pa kasi at kailangan niyang mababad sa mga customer.

Ako rin ang kumukuha ng mga order ni Seth at dadalhin sa kanilang table, natutuwa ako dahil ang cute nilang tignan na mag-ama. Seth was teaching Sander what the right color of the parts was, but his son wanted a different color to put on. Nagtatalo sila na parang magkasing edad lang sila. Napaka siraulo Tatay rin kasi ni Seth pinapatulan ang kaniyang anak.

When my shift ended and I was about to go home to where my parents were, Seth insisted that he wanted to come. At syempre sumali na rin ang anak niyang kasing kulit niya rin. Kaya ang ending hinatid nalang nila ako. Sander became more clingy to me, he was acting as if I were his real mom. Okay sa akin ang pagtrato niya ng ganun, masaya ako. Masarap sa pakiramdam pero ayoko rin isipin na parang inaangkin ko na siya bilang akin dahil iniisip ko pa rin ang Mommy niya, si Maurice.

Nung nasa harap na kami ng bahay namin, Sander didn’t want to let me go and hugged me tight. Ayaw kumalas at panay ang iyak.

“I’ll stay here pow with you, Mama Riz. I don’t want to gow home without you pow, I want to live here with you pow. I don’t want to come home where my Mommy lives. They are all bad… Bad… Dito lang po akow, Mama Riz. Pyease po.” Pagmamakawa niyang hagulgol at hindi na niya talaga maidiretso ang binibigkas.

Nag-aalala na nga kami ni Seth dahil ayaw niyang tumahan. Lumabas na rin ang mga kapatid at si Nanay at Tatay. Pati rin sila ay nag-aalala na sa bata.

“Nako! Anak, pagbigyan mo na ‘yung bata na dito ba matulog, mabubulunan na sa sarili laway ‘yan kakaiyak. Kawawa naman.” Si Nanay na naawa na rin talaga kay Sander.

When I tried to remove his hand from hugging me, his body shook in panic. Hindi ko alam tila may bagong palaisipan sa aking utak ang umusbong dahil sa kaniya… Dahilan at rason ang mga sinabi niya kanina sa akin.

I am now more convinced that something was happening in their house without us knowing… Ayoko man makialam pero hindi ko ‘to puwede ipagsawalang bahala. I know Seth noticed it too but I need to talk to him further regarding this.

Sa huli ay pumayag akong do’n na matulog si Sander kasama ko. Pero sinabihan at pinaintindi ko ang bata na kinabukasan ay kailangan niya rin umuwi dahil alam kong mag-aalala at maghahanap ang totoo niyang Nanay. At kinantyawan pa kami nina Nanay dahil pati rin si Seth ay parang gusto nalang rin niya makitulog… Nainggit pa ata sa anak. Siraulo talaga.

Sander eventually understood it. Matalino siya at hindi na rin naman nakakapagtaka.

Sa ilang araw napamamalagi ko sa bahay namin marami akong ginawa. Sinama ko ang tatlo kong kapatid upang makapag-grocery kami para sa kanila. Marami rami ang naipon ko sa sweldo ko lalo pa’t panay overtime rin kami nitong mga nagdaan na buwan. Pagkatapos kong ipag grocery sila ay tinutukan ko rin ang mga check-up report ni Nanay.

Cancer wasn’t just a disease, it was a nightmare, a poison. As we thought that everything was going well, the cancer cell in my
Mother’s body became more deadly. Kaya rin pala mas lalong nangayayat siya, akala ko pa nung una ay dahil lang sa epekto ng chemotherapy niya pero hindi. Dahil pala iyon sa pagpatuloy na pagkalat ng cancer sa katawan niya.

My heart was sinking every second, every word I read from the results. Hindi ko na alam kung paano ko itatago ang hinagpis at sakit na umaapaw sa akin. I love my Nanay so much and she didn’t deserve to have this. Out of all the bad people in the world, why her? Why does she need to have this disease?

Kaya nang umalis ako pauwi ay tila naiwan ang kaluluwa ko sa bahay. I don’t want to leave her yet, I want to stay with Nanay and be with her in this fight. Pero ayaw niyang manatili ako ro’n at mapabayaan ang aking trabaho at pag-aaral. She even reminded me how important it is, to have a degree and to be able to complete the education.

Pag-uwi ko si Seth ang sumundo sa akin. Naka-convoy lang sa amin sina Kuya Jan at ang iba pang mga Men in Black niya. I thought he’d drive us straight to my apartment but instead, he took us to his condo.

“I’ll help you with everything, Wife… Just don’t be sad, I don’t want to see you like this… Crying… It breaks me up too.” He said while hugging me from behind.

Kung puwede lang talagang hindi malungkot dahil sa nangyayari… Ginawa ko na. Pero hindi eh. Nanay ko ‘yon! Ang babaeng yumakap at nagpalaki sa akin, ang kumupkop sakin noong mga panahon na ang sarili kong magulang ay dinispatya ako na parang isang hamak lang akong basura sa kanila.

I sobbed in his embrace. “Hindi ko kaya na mawala siya dahil sa putanginang sakit na ‘yon, Seth. I can’t! Hindi puwede, mawawasaka ako. Madudurog ako.”

Seth planted a soft and comforting kiss on my head. “I know, Wife. I’ll break too if that happens. Shhh. Tahan na. Hindi natin hahayaan na mawala si Nanay dahil sa sakit na ‘yon.” Alu niya.

Hindi na ako nagsalita at umiyak na lamang habang nakatanaw sa mga ilaw ng buong syudad ng Taguig.
We stayed in that position for a while before Seth turned my body to face him. His warm and big hands immediately snaked around my waist. Both of our bodies are close—too close that I can feel his heartbeat too.

“Everything will be okay, Wife. Hmmm. We’ll do everything. I’ll help with everything you need. Just… Just let me.”

Hindi ako sumagot at tumingin lang sa kaniya gamit ang mga matang namumugto sa iyak.

Seth planted a kiss on my forehead, on my nose, and my lips while uttering his favorite words.

“I. Love. You. So. Much. Wife,” He whispered between his kisses.

Hindi ko maiwasan ang hindi mapangit kasabay ang pag-init ng aking pisngi dahil sa kilig.

“I love you too, Seth. My… Husband.” I said almost a whisper.

Natigil siya dahil sa aking sinabi at tinitigan ako sa namimilog na mga mata. His Adam’s apple moved as his cheeks blushed.

“What… What did you say? What did you just call me?” He asked, trying to confirm.

“My husband,” I repeated.

His pupil dilated with Joy, along with the love ans affection he was carrying for me.

Slowly, his head moved closer to mine as his eyes flickered something… Something more… Lust.

“I love you… And I’ll marry you even if the world stands against us.” He said before kissing me.

His lips landed on mine as if they were magnetized by my lips. He kissed me softly and calmly. His hand went from my waist to my jaw and held my head in place, to give him more access and make our kissing deeper.

Nang kinagat niya ang labi ko ay napaungol ako kasabay nu’n ang labis na pagmamanhid ng buong katawan ko dahil sa kakaiba at makamundong pagnanasa na ilang beses ko nang nararamdaman dahil sa kaniya. Because of him, I became more and more familiar with this otherworldly thing. The world is full of lust, and carnal needs.

Dahil sa pag-ungol ko ay tila naging signal iyon sa kaniya para pasukin ang aking bibig. Mas nilapit at diniin niya ang kaniyang mukha sa akin para mas mapalalim ang halik, dahil ro’n ay napasandal na ako nang tuluyan sa malaking bintanang pader nitong condo niya.

Our moans filled his place, and it echoed through the hall of his condo. The lust in our body collided with our feelings and emotions. Hindi ko na ata alam kung ano pa ang mangyayari sa akin kung hindi namin ito itutuloy. I want him as much as he wants me. My body needs him as much as my soul longs for his.

Nang mapagod at ilayo ang mukha niya sa akin. Ang mga mata niyang nilulukob ng maka mundong pagnanasa at pagmamahal ang sumalubong sa akin. His ears were reddened as well as his neck through his chest.

He was grunting while staring at me, burning with flames of lust. “Sabihin mo lang, Wife. Kung ayaw at hindi mo gusto… I’ll stop mysel—”

“No! Gusto ko… Ngayon ka pa ba magpipigil kung kailan nakarami kana sa akin… Gusto ko, Seth… Gustong gusto…” I confessed as if it were my biggest secret.

Seth shifted his weight as his eyes flickered to my lips. His eyes became dark as if he had no control over his body.

Inatake niya ulit ako ng halik pero sa pagkakataon na ‘to ay mas marahas at tila naghahanap sa kung ano… Sinasalubong at pinapantayan ko rin ang kaniyang paghahalik.

Naramdaman kong pumasok ang isa niyang kamay sa loob ng aking suot na shirt at dahan dahang umakyat sa aking malulusog na pakwan.  He cupped my breast which made me moan sensually. Mas lalong nag-alab ang aking buong katawan sa kaniyang ginawa.

He massaged it aggressively yet satisfyingly that made me lose my damn mind. Nang hindi siya nakuntento ay tumigil siya at tinitigan ako.

I stared at him puzzled as to why he stopped in the middle of our fiery moment.

“Hubad,” Aniya sa malalim at malagom na boses.

My legs wobbled because of how his voice sounded while he commanded me. Nanginginig kong hinubad ang suot kong shirt ngunit dahil sa panginginig ng katawan ko ay tila napuno si Seth.

He helped me take off my shirt and my brassiere. Nang lumantad sa kaniya ang saktohan kong bundok ay tila kuminang ang kaniyang mata kasabay ng apoy na lumukob sa kaniyang mukha.

He then attacked my breast as he ravaged my nipple using his tongue. Napakapit ako sa ulo niya, partikular sa kaniyang buhok at napasabunot ro’n na tila iyon lamang ang magiging lakas ko dahil sa nakakapanghinang sarap niya.

“Oh fuck!” I moaned senselessly as he bit my nipple before shifting to the other one.

Pakiramdam ko dahil sa mga makamundong bagay na lumalamon sa akin ay kahit anong oras ay mabubuwal ako. I tilted my head back, overwhelmed by the pleasure that my husband’s giving me. My eyes were closed, as if savoring every moment of what was happening.

Mabilis pa sa alas kwatro akong binuhat ni Seth, my feet snaked around his waist to support my weight. My hands were also around his neck while he was still eating my breast.

Dahil sa halo halong nararamdaman at dahil na rin sa pagkakapikit, naramdaman ko nalang na bumaba ang aking katawan sa mabango at malambot na kama niya. He freed me and stopped what he was doing with my queen peek.

Tumayo siya sa aking harapan at nagnanasa aking dinungaw habang sinusimulan niyang tanggaling ang butones ng kaniyang suot na polo. I bit my lip seductively when he completely took off his shirt and started to unbuckle his belt and pull down his slacks along with his Calvin Klein boxer shorts.

Tumalbog ang halimaw niyang alaga nang mahubad niya iyon. He then held it firmly as he wiggled it to try to taunt me which he successfully did.

Namumula at tila may kung anong lumabas mula sa maliit na butas sa ulo ng ari niya. My throat ran dry as my mind flashed me what was about to happen to me…

“Take off your pants, Wife. And don’t you ever cover whatever was between your legs. I wanted to see what I owned.” His command, his voice were deep yet authoritative as he looked down upon me like a Greek god he is.

Sinunot ko siya at habang nanginginig na hinuhubad ang pants ko kasabay ng thong panty ko ay nakita kong may kinuha siya sa drawer niya na isang bote. It was covered with a light blue scheme, with a black and red tone on the part of the head cup.

Maangas niya iyong binuksan at binuhusan ang burat niyang tigas na tigas at tayong tayo habang nakatutok sa itaas. He then jerks it up and down as he looks at me moaning… Spitting curses.

“Fuck! You’ll be a fucking mom, you’ll see!” He said, more like a threat.

He then lay on top of me as he started to kiss me again. He lifted both of my legs and rested them over his arms. I could even feel his dick pointing at my entrance.

“I’ll make love with you, harder… Harder enough to make you forget everything…” Bulong niya na hindi ko na maintindihan dahil sa walang pasubali niyang pinasok ang kaniya sa akin.

He then started to grind on top of me while our moans slipped out from our sinful mouths. Nanginginig ako sa sarap na aking nararamdaman, hindi inaalintana ang sakit na nararamdaman sa biglaan niyang pagpasok sa akin.

Mabilis at mararahas siyang umulos sa aking ibabaw kaya sobra at halos mapasigaw na ako sa sarap. He cupped both my breasts again and gripped them tightly as he continuously pounded on top of me. Yumayanig na rin ang kama at tila wala na siyang pakialam kung masira iyon.

Tuloy tuloy at walang balak siyang umulos sa ibabaw ko. He bit my chin after our kiss before biting my collarbones. Naramdaman ko rin na sinipsip niya iyon. Gosh! Magkaka chikinini pa ako dahil sa kaniya. Pero deadma nako dahil ang sherep!

My eyes dilated when he pounded his dick inside of me roughly and harder.

“Oh fuck! Ugh! Seth.” Nababaliw at nawawala sa sarili kong ungol.

“Sarap ba? Gusto mo ‘to diba? Masarap ba? Malaki ba?” Sunod sunod niyang tanong ma hindi ko na masagot dahil napayakap nalang ako sa kaniya ng mahigpit dahil sa kalabisan ng pag-barurot niya sa akin.

Tila ako binabarena sa sarap, malalim at marahas niya akong binabaril ng armalite niya. My nails dug into his back as a loud moan escaped from our lips.

I tightened my hole, which reason why he released a curse-filled moan.

“Tangina! Ang sarap no’n! Sige lang, Wife. I’m cumming!” He announced, his voice tinged with pleasure and lust.

Sunod sunod at walang tigil siyang bumayo habang patuloy kong sinisikipan ang aking butas, parang sinasakal ang burat niyang binabarurot ang aking kalooban.

In an instant, Seth quickly pulled out his dick from inside of me. His jaw clenched as he looked at me with lust and love.

“Dapa! Lalabasan na ko.” Utos niya na siyang mabilis at walang pag-aalinlangan kong sinunod.

Nang makadapa ay mabilis niyang binaon ang kaniyang burat sa akin at sinumulan akong araruhin ulit mula sa aking likuran. He pinned his body down on top of me as he continuously pounded me.

Ilang sandali pa at sunod sunod na mura ang kaniyang pinakawalan at dumapa sa akin, dinadaganan na niya ako. Naramdaman kong lumukob ang mainit niyang tamod sa aking kaloon-looban.

Hinihingal at ramdam na ramdam ko ang mabilis na pagtibok ng puso niya, kasabay ng akin. Tila iisa sila ng kumpas—kumpas ng aming musika.

Nagising ako nang madilim ang buong kwarto at tanging ilaw lamang na nagmumula sa lampshade na nasa gilid ng kama ang nagbibigay liwanag sa akin.

Nababalot kami ng kumot habang si Seth ay mahimbing at tila batang natutulog sa aking tabi. Kalmadong nakayakap ang kaniyang malaking braso sa akin.

Sobrang pogi at walang kapintasan ang kaniyang mukha. Hindi ko tuloy alam kung ano ba talaga ang mayro’n sa akin at talagang ako ang napili niyang barurutin.

Gaga!

Natawa ako ng mahina dahil sa kalokohan. Naramdaman ko ang pagkauhaw kaya naman mabagal at maingat akong umalis mula sa pagkakayakap niya.

Matagumpay naman akong nakalabas at nakapunta sa kusina upang kumuha ng tubig at uminom. I don’t know why my mind chose to go and get the water here, even though, Seth always reserved a pitcher of water and a glass on his work table. Masyado niya ata akong inarmalite kaya pati utak ko nag mamalfunction na rin.

Matapos kong makainom ay napagdesisyonan ko na run umakyat at bumalik sa pagkakatulog. Nang nasa harap na ako ng pinto ng kwarto niya at handa nang pumasok. My mind suddenly sent a signal to my whole body to stop and look at the door of that creepy room. My curiosity hit me when I saw that the door wasn’t closed and was slightly open.

Slowly, my foot walks towards the door. Siguro naman hindi makasalanan kung sisilip ako. Mabilis lang at hindi ako makikialam sa kung ano man ang meron ro’n.

But just as I thought it has no ground for my curiosity, my eyes widened when I completely had a peek at what is inside of it. My body trembled as I slowly pushed the door to uncover the truth that was long hidden from me… My boyfriend keep from me.

There were so many pictures of me that was pinned on every osrt of wall of the room. Every stages of my life, from my elementary days up to where we are now. At sa mahaba at nakapalibot na lamesa sa bawat sulok ng silid ay nakalagay ang mga nawawala kong mga gamit… Suklay, pabango, bimpo at kahit na ang mga iba’t ibang make up na sinubukan kong gamitin noon ay nandito.

Tuluyan akong naiyak at nanginig sa takot ng mapagtanto ko kung ano ang nakaframe at naka lagay sa pinaka gitna ng lamesa.

It was my crimson red underwear… Hindi ako nagkakamali. Hindi puwede at hinding hindi.

I once again scanned my eyes through the whole room and then realized what it was.

The room was his cage for his obsessions with me…

Obsession.

The Mayor’s obsessions.

Chapter 36

CHAPTER 36

TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains or even mentions suicide, if this might cause you uncomfortable feelings then I suggest skipping this part.

Revealed

A cracking and trembling gasp escaped my mouth as I looked at the things that were placed on the table, those were my things. Hindi ako puwede magkamali.
Mga gamit kong hindi ko na alam kung nawala ba o talaga nakuha niya sa ibang paraan.

My legs shook uncontrollably, threatening to let go of all of me and send me crashing to the floor. But I held on—didn’t let these emotions and feelings win the best of me, drawing the very last strength from my core, because something in this room was calling me, drawing me in. Something that I wasn’t ready to walk away from without knowing where it came from…

Knowing the truth.

Buong lakas kong hinakbang ang aking paa at mabagal kong nilapitan ang mga gamit kong maayos na nakalagay ro’n.

When I got close to the table, I realized that my things had labels on them. Small sticky notes were stuck on each of them, with little details written neatly and carefully. Tila nanuyo ang lalamunan ko sa mga bagay na until until nabubuo sa aking utak.

“B-Bakit siya may ganito? P-Para saan?” I asked, barely whispered. Inipit ko ang buhok kong sumasagabal sa aking paningin at dahan-dahan na kumuha ng gamit ko.

Is this part of his secrecy? His obsession? Or is there more to it than what I am thinking about this room?

Akala ko ba wala ng sikreto? Wala nang taguan ng kung ano man sa pagitan namin. Eh ano ‘to?

Mataimtim kong sinuri ang kulay sky blue kong suklay na may naiwan pang hibla ng buhok ro’n. Ni hindi man lang nilinisan at parang dinisplay iyon pagkatapos makuha sa akin. It was like meant to be kept here and preserved as it is. Mas lalo lang tumindi ang nararamdaman ko dahil sa aking mga nakikita.

This whole place was made by a fucking crazy person. Dahil sino ba ang nasa matinong isip ang gagawa ng ganito? That you’ll collect someone’s property and preserve it as if it were an artifact that was long gone before it was discovered.

Hindi ko na maramdaman ang aking katawan dahil sa aking mga nakikita. Hindi ko na nga alam kung paano pa ako talagang nagagawang libutin itong buong kuwartong ‘to.

Binaba ko ‘yon bang lutang kong tinignan ang mga larawan na naka dikit sa pader, there were strings attached to one picture from another. It was like a puzzle piece method that was used for solving a case.

Sobrang kumalabog ang dibdib ko nang makita ang larawan ng isang bata—sanggol. It was my photograph when I was a baby, barely months old. The picture looks like taken from a room in a hospital as there’s a tinge of medical footprint in the background. Sunod sunod na tumulo ang luha ko dahil sa halo halong takot, sakit at pagtataksil na aking nararamdman.

This is not normal… This isn’t fucking normal!

Bakit may ganito? Para saan? Dahil ba sa may pakay siya sa akin na kakaiba o dahil lang sa kalabisan na pagkagusto niya sa akin.

This is fucking madness!

I grabbed my chest and gripped it as if it were the reason for the pain and massive fear that surging through my veins. Seth isn’t what I thought he is…
There is no other reason why he has these… My fucking things!

Nanginginig man ay mas tinibayan ko ang aking sarili habang pilit na sinuri ang loob ng silid. My eyes landed on a laptop that was well placed and organized on one of the tables. Above it, there was a built-in wall monitor that was open which was one of the sources of light in this room.

With my hands trembling, I maneuvered the laptop and opened it. Bumungad sa akin ang isa folder na may pangalan ng isang tao.

Damerese Sullivan Del Fuego.

Dahil sa nag-iisa lang ang folder na iyon na nakabalandra sa home page ng Windows ay walang pasubali ko iyong binuksan. Ganun na lamang ang panlalamig ng buong katawan ko nang bumungad sa akin ang iba’t ibang video na ako ang nilalaman.

Pinindot ko ang isang clip.

There’s a clip that was taken when I was in high school. It was the time that Alex and I were dancing on the school covered court stage. Hindi ko alam kung paano at saan nakuha ni Seth ang clip na ito.

Binalik ko ang screen sa main folder at nagsubok ulit na magbukas ng isa pang clip. My hand automatically clicked the clip in the bottom right corner of the folder. The clip started with a woman in her 30s who was sneaking into the NICU. My tears fell continuously from my eyes when a familiar image of a woman flashed on the screen.

I knew that face, I can’t be mistaken. Even through the blur and unclear image from the footage, even with the shadows hiding the details, the shape, the stance… it was someone I could never mistake. I knew exactly who it was. Wearing the same uniform as the medical staff who are nursing and checking the babies, she went in without any words of questions.

It was the face of the person who hugged me through the years, raised me, fed and dressed me. The person who accepts my flaws and my imperfections. The person whom I held dearly in my heart.

It was my Nanay.

Why was she there? Was that really her?

Sobrang hindi ko aakalain at maimagine na magagawa ni Nanay ‘to. Ang magnakaw ng anak ng ibang tao…

A heavy and hard pound strikes my heart, and it is painful, pushing me to let go, holding on from sheer will. I felt my eyes burn with the tears that were continuously falling. My throat runs dry as if it had become a desert that dances with sands full of secrecy and betrayal.

But still, I held on, strong and hard. Wanting to know more, uncover the truth that was buried behind me, behind the shadows of the past that I deserve to know.

Realization strikes my brain which was too numb to even swallow— Swallow the fact that she stole me from my biological parents. She lied to me, she fed me lies. She kept me away from the truth! Kaya pala sa tuwing sinusubukan ko noon na tanungin kung alam ba nila kung nasaan ang totoo kong magulang, lagi lang nilang sagot ay hindi… Hindi nila alam.

I no longer held my sob as it was slowly echoed through the whole room as I watched the clip about how my Nanay stole me from the NICU.

Magaan at maingat niyang kinuha ang bata sa pinaglalagyan nito. Bawat kilos niya ay tila sinukat at tansiyado. Huminto siya saglit at tila napigilan nang ang sanggol na sinusubukan niyang kunin ay gumalaq at tila paiyak na. She hugged it, pulled it closer to her chest as if she was holding onto the last string of her life.

Luminga-linga pa si Nanay sa paligid bago siya lumabas ro’n. The footage froze for a moment before it flickered to a timeskip frame.

May magkayakap na mag-asawa ang nakatayo sa harap ng NICU, ang ginang ay umiiyak habang nasa bisig ng lalaki. Sobra-sobra ang bigat at sakit na dumadaloy sa akin katawan. Hindi lamang sa dibdib o sa utak kundi sa buo kong pagkatao.

I caress the screen as if I were able to hold and give comfort to the woman who I think was my real mother. I wanted to call them but who am I trying to fool? I know that it wasn’t even possible.

Umiyak at nilabas ko lang ang sakit—sakit ng katotohanan na matagal na palang nakatago at hindi man lang sinabi sa akin. Katotohanan na matagal ko bang gustong malaman kahit matagal ko na rin tinanggap na hindi ko na makakamtam pa.

They deceived me, they’d fool me. They raised me with lies and deception that I never even wished to have.

Tumitig lang ako sa screen ng laptop at patuloy na pinapanood ang footage na patuloy rin na nag-p-play sa aking harapan. It shows now that there’s a police officer and some I think were investigators who are talking to the woman who was facing back from the camera. Tila tinakasan ako ng kaluluwa nang biglang humarap ang ginang at malayang nakuhanan ang kaniyang mukha.

Tuluyan nang bumagsak ang aking mga binti at napasalampak akong umiiyak sa lapag nang mapagtanto kung sino iyon. Siya… Siya ba ang totoo kong Nanay? Siya ba ang ninakawan ng anak ng tao nagpalaki sa akin?

Si…

I cried hard—unable to hold it in anymore—as the pain inside me became too much to bear. I struck my chest over and over, as if doing so could somehow lessen the pain that was tearing me apart.

My biological mother was Ma’am Emilia?

Is it her? Is it really her? Could she truly be my real mother?

Kaya ba ang gaan ng pakiramdam ko sa kaniya… Kaya ba ang lambing ng mga pananalita niya noon na dalawang araw siyang magkasunod na dumalaw sa shop kung saan ako nagtatrabaho?

Alam niya? Alam niya! Pero bakit hindi niya ako pinuntahan at kinausap? Bakit hindi niya sinabi ang totoo?

At si Nanay? Ano ang dahilan niya at bakit niya iyon nagawa? Paano niya nasikmurang magnakaw ng anak ng iba? Inutusan ba siya? O ginawa niya ‘yon mula sa sarili niyang desisyon at kagustuhan?

Nanay… Bakit?! Bakit?!

Ang sakit sakit!

Patuloy lang akong umiyak, nilalasap at hinahayaan na damhin ang sakit na kahit anong gawin ko ay hindi mawala wala.

Ilang oras ata akong umiiyak habang blangkong nakatitig sa lapag ng kwartong iyon… Nababaliw sa lahat ng mga katanungan na lumulukob at patuloy na umiikot sa aking utak.

Tila ako mababaliw, mababaliw sa lahat ng mga natuklasan ko. Heto pala ang laman ng kwarto na ‘to. Ang kwarto na naglalaman ng mga katotohanan at kahibangan ng boyfriend ko.

Pagak akong natawa… Boyfriend. Parang hindi ko ata kayang maisaulat at mailabas itong salitang ‘to sa aking bibig.

Kung ang pagtatago niya sa akin ng katotohanan tungkol sa pagkakaroon niya ng anak ay nakayanan kong tanggapin at lunukin… Pero hindi ‘to!

Hindi ko na kaya pang palagpasin itong aking natuklasan… Ang nakakasukang katotohanan sa likod ng kaniyang pagkatao.

Pinilit kong tumayo at lumabas sa nakakahilo at nakakabaliw na kwarting iyon. Gustuhin ko pa sanang mas malaman ang ibang nakapaloob ro’n pero kung patuloy akong mananatili ro’n ay tila ako masusuka at mawawalan ng malay.

Nilunok ko ang bigik na bumabara sa aking lalamunan at pilit na pinatahan ang aking sarili habang naglalakad pabalik sa kusina upang doon pakalmahin nang tuluyan ang aking sarili.

Heto na ata ang pinaka masakit na aking naranasan. Ang pagtaksilan, hindi lang ng lalaking minahal mo kundi ang taong tinuring mong Nanay at ang taong nagpalaki sa’yo.

Siya lang ba ang may gawa nito? O may kasabwat pa siya? Si Tatay? Sangkop ba siya rito?

A stinging pain blooms inside my chest once again. I need to talk to them, to know the truth from them, from their mouth. To tell me all about the past they hid from me for 23 years.

Pero bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko? Na kahit sa kabila ng lahat, mas namamayani ang pagmamahal ko sa kanila. Na tila nakakayanan ko pang kontrahin ang sarili ko dahil may parte sa akin na gustong isipin na hindi lahat ng ‘yon ay totoo.

Namumugto ang mata ko nang uminom ulit sa basong kanina ko pa tinititigan habang iniisip paulit ulit lahat ng mga katotohanan na aking nalaman.

Kailangan kong lakasan ang loob ko… Kailangan kong tatagan. Heto na yata ang pinaka malalang pagsubok na binigay ng Diyos sa akin na kailangan kong lagpasan.

Ilang minuto pa ata akong nagtagal ro’n bago ako bumalik sa kwarto ng lalaking hanggang ngayon ay mapayapa at kalmado pa rin na natutulog. Hindi niya alam ang gulong namayagpag sa akin dahil sa katotohanan na kaniyang kinukubli.

Tinitigan ko siya habang nakatayo sa gilid ng kama niya. I love you so real that I even show my hidden secrets and desires. I show my truth, my whole being. I never once lied to you. I let you uncover the side of me that I even knew I had before. Pero bakit? Bakit mo nagawa ito sa akin, Seth?

Halo halo ang nararamdaman ko at hanggang ngayon ay namamanhid pa rin ako dulot ng mga nangyari. Tila ako lumulutang sa ulap dahil sa hindi ko na talaga maramdaman ang aking katawan.

Gusto mo siyang gisingin, tanungin at hingian ng paliwanag pero wala na akong natitira pang lakas ngayon araw na ‘to para sa mga aking malalaman. Alam kong may dahilan lahat, may rason dahil naniniwala ako na ang lahat ng mga bagay na nangyayari ay may pinang gagalingan. Gusto kong pakinggan siya, makinig at… Maging tanqa.

May luha na naman ang nagbadya sa aking mata. Kung hindi lamang umilaw ang phone na naka patong sa bedside table ay tuluyan na akong hahagulgol ro’n, wala na rin pakialam kung magising pa siya.

I shifted my gaze to the light that was illuminated by the phone. Then I realized it was mine. It was my phone.

I wiped the tears that were falling down my cheeks as I grabbed my phone. I opened it to check what was the reason for its sudden flickering of light.

Nagsalubong ang kilay ko dahil ang bumungad sa akin ay ang message ng kaibigan kong hindi ko na nakakasama ilang buwan na mula nang huli kaming magkausap.

It was Alex.

I didn’t expect him to message me. Why?

Nananabik akong binuksan iyon para lamang mas lalong maguluhan sa aking nabasa. Maikli at tila hindi ko alam kung bakit iyon ang kaniyang message.

Alex: I’m so sorry, Riz. Hindi ko na kaya.

Hindi na kaya? Anong ibig niyang sabihin? May biglang mabigat na kaba ang pumatong sa aking naipon at namumulakid na bigat sa aking dibdib.

Mabilis kong hinagilap ang damit ko pambaba dahil ngayon ko lang napansin na tanging t shirt ni Seth na nagmimistulang dress sa laki ang aking suot, dinamitan niya ata ako kagagbi. At tanging thong na panty ko lang ang pang ibaba ko.

Nang mahanap ko ang pants ko ay mabilis at nanginginig ko iyong sinuot. Hindi alintana ang nakakapanginig kalamnan kong nararamdaman.

Wala pasubali akong bumaba habang mabilis kong sinubukan na tawagan siya. H’wag naman sana, please. Sana mali ang naiisip at pakiramdam kong pinapahiwatig niya sa Text message niya.

Nakalagay sa aking tainga ang aking phone habang pababa ng hagdan. Kumakalabog na ang aking dibdib sa kaba dahil hindi sinasagot ni Alex ang tawag.

No! Please, Alex. Answer the goddamn call!

Nang walang sumagot ay tinawagan ko siya ulit.

Naka dalawa, tatlo hanggang makalima akong subok na tawagan siya pero wala kaya naman tila may sarili ng utak ang aking katawan na lumabas sa condo ni Seth.

Pagkalabas ko ang bahagya pang nagulat sina Kuya Jan at ibang mga Men in Black ni Mayor na nagbabantay sa labas ng pintuan.

Hindi ko sila pinansin at lalagpasan na dapat sila nang biglang hawakan ni Kuya Jan ang aking braso.

Napalingon ako sakaniya gamit ang hindi ko na malaman pang itsura.

“Ma’am, saan po kayo pupunta?” Nagtataka niyang tanong bago marahang bawiin ang kamay mula sa pagkakahawak sa akin na tila isa akong nakakapasong apoy.

Nanunuyo man ang aking lalamunan kasabay ang malagom at nakakabinging dagundong ng aking dibdib ay sinagot ko siya.

“K-Kuya Jan, kailangan kong puntahan si A-Alex. A-Ang kaibigan ko… Kailangan niya ako…” Nanginginig kong sagot.

“Teka lang po, Ma’am. Alam po ba ni Mayor na aalis po kayo ng ganitong oras, alas-dos na po ng madaling—”

“Hindi niya alam, tulog na tulog siya at wala na akong oras na gisingin siya dahil kailangan ako ng kaibigan ko.” Putol ko sa kaniya. Tuluyan nang tumulo ang luha ko dahil sa takot na baka tama nga ang naiisip ko.

Hindi pwede! Hindi siya pwedeng magpakamatay.

Natigilan si Kuya Jan dahil sa biglaan kong pagsagot at pagtaas ng aking boses. Ilang minuto pa siyang napatingin sa akin bago niya sinulyapan ang ibang kasama niya at til may isinenyas.

Kailangan ko nang umalis, kailangan ko nang bumyahe. Hindi puwedeng magsayang ako nang oras.

“Sasamahan po kita, Ma’am. Panigurado malalagot kami kapag hinayaan kitang umalis mag-isa.”

“Kung ganun, tara na. Hindi ako puwedeng magsayang ng oras!” ani ko bago nagmamadali naglakad paalis.

Buti na lamang at mabilis rin na bumukas ang elevator ng condo niya kaya mabilis rin kaming nakababa sa parking lot.

Tinitigan ko ang message ni Alex na tila may kung anong sagot ang lalabas ro’n at kukumpirmahin na mali ang aking iniisip. Sinend niya ang message around 1:30 am, marahil ‘yun ang mga sandaling nasa nakakasukang kuwarto ako ng mga oras na ‘yon.

Sinubukan kong tawag si Jenny dahil naalala kong hindi ko alam kung saan namamalagi ngayun si Alex ngunit pati rin siya ay hindi sumasagot sa tawag ko.

Kaya huling kong tinawagan ay ang magulang niya… Si Tita Anastacia. Hindi ko na naisip pa kung tulog na ba siya sa mga oras na ito dahil ang nasa isip ko lang ay ang mapuntahan at mapigilan siya sa kaniyang balak gawin.

Ilang ring pa bago sumagot si Tita.

“Oh, hija. Bakit ka napatawag ng ganitong oras? May problema ba?” Namamaos na tanong niya. Bakas ang pagtataka sa boses niya.

“P-Pasensya na po, T-Tita. Pero puwede ko po bang malaman kung saan tumutuloy si Alex? Kailangan ko po siyang pigilan.” Tuloy tuloy kong sabi.

“Huh? Bakit? Anong gagawin ng anak ko?”

Nagbara ang lalamunan ko. “Tita,” Naiiyak kong saad. “Tingin ko po kasi balak niya po…”

“Balak na ano?!” Medyo mataas at nag-aalala niyang tanong. Rinig ko rin sa kabilang linya ang kaluskos, pahiwatig na gumagalaw o kumikilos siya.

Tumulo na ng tuluyan ang mga luha ko. “Tingin ko po kasi ay balak niya pong magpakamatay.”

“Ano?!” Pasigaw at tila di makapaniwalang niyang tanong sa akin.

“H’wag kang magbiro ng ganiyang, hija. H-Hindi maganda ‘yan.”

“Hindi po ako nag bibiro, Tita. Nagmessage po kasi siya sa akin at ang sabi niya lang po ay sorry tapos… Tapos hindi niya na raw po kaya.” Pikit mata kong sabi sa gitna ng paghagulgol ko.

Kita ko sa gilid ng mata ko ang pag-abot ng tissue ni Kuya Jan sa akin, kinuha ko iyon at pinahid ang aking luha. Sunod naman niyang inabot ang tubig na hindi pa nabubuksan.

Natahimik si Tita… Tila nabigla at napipe sa aking sinabi. Ilang minuto ang lumipas bago siya sumagot.

“Pupunta rin ako, Hija. Ite-text ko nalang ang address.”

Tumango ako bilang pag-sang ayon kahit hindi niya nakikita. Binaba niya rin ang tawag pagkatapos no’n at wala pang isang minuto ay natanggap ko na ang text niya.

Binigay ko kay Kuya Jan ‘yon na siya rin na tinrace sa pad ng sasakyan. Sa Marikina ang tinutuluyan ni Alex, condo raw iyon at mahigpit ang seguridad.

Buong byahe ay umiiyak lang ako, nanginginig at nanlalamig. Hindi dahil sa lamig ng aircon kundi sa halo halong rebelasyon at takot na aking nararamdaman.

You can’t kill yourself, Alex. I won’t let you, I will take every chance you have until you give up. Alam kong may pagkukulang ako bilang bestfriend mo pero hindi naman tama na mawala ka ng hindi tayo nagkakausap at hindi kita nadadamayan sa mga pinagdadaanan mo.

With every passing second, the chill and the pounding in my chest only grew worse. The anxiety was so intense, I felt like running all the way to Marikina—wherever in that city he might be living—just to get there immediately.

Isang malaking building kami itinuro ng pad ni Kuya Jan. Wala akong sinayang na oras at lumabas na agad ako ng sasakyan. Ni hindi ko na nga nalingon at inintindi pa si Kuya Jan dahil kailangan ko kaagad makaakyat.

Nang nasa lobby na ako ay hinarang ako ng guard dahil na rin siguro ay naalerto sa bilis kong maglakad.

“Ma’am, saan po kayo?”

“K-Kuya, sa taas lang po ako. Please kailangan ko pong mapuntahan kaibigan ko.” Balisa kong sabi.

Tumitig sa pa sa akin ang gwardya bago ako nito tinuro sa reception counter ng condo.

Mabilis at wala akong sinayang na tinakbo iyon at naiiyak na sinabi ang pakay ko sa babaeng nando’n.

“A-Alex… Alex Gino Montemayor po.”

Chapter 37

CHAPTER 37

TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains or even mentions suicide, If this might cause you uncomfortable feelings then I suggest skipping this part.

Plead

The moment I pushed open the door to Alex’s bedroom, a dizzying chill slammed into me. My breath caught in my throat, and my body went rigid, as if someone had dumped ice water over my skin and whispered that something was terribly wrong.

Ramdam ko ang labis na panginginig ng aking labi kasabay ng aking katawan habang nakadungaw sa katawan ng aking matalik na kaibigan na nakalambitin sa ere. Nanginginig ang kaniyang katawan at tila pumipiglas at gustong makawala.

“Alex!” I heard Tita’s horrified scream as she saw how her son was hanging from the lighting bar.

Kahit na nanlalamig at tila tinakasan ako ng aking sariling kaluluwa. Mabilis akong tumakbo sa kinaroroonan niya at niyapos ang aking mga kamay sa kaniya paa upang iangat siya at tuluyan hindi malagutan ng hininga.

Sunod-sunod at tila walang balak na tumigil ang aking luha habang nanginginig at pilit inaangat ang kaniyang katawan, sapat para mapigilan ang balak.
Walang ibang pumapasok sa utak ko kundi ang mailigtas lamang siya.

Oh god! Alex! What was your reason for pushing yourself to do this? Why?

“Alex, ‘wag kang bibitiw, please!” Hagulgol kong pagiyak habang pilit ko pa rin na inaangat ang kaniyang katawan.

“Ma’am, kailangan natin matanggal siya diyan.” Ani ni Kuya Jan na ngayon ay naghahalungkat sa buong kwarto.

Sobrang pagod na ang katawan ko sa lahat ng nangyayari pero pilit ko pa rin na binubuhay dahil hindi ko pwedeng bitawan siya… Ayoko siyang mawala.

Tanging hagulgol ang umalingawngaw sa buong kwarto. Sobrang lamig at tahimik ng paligid nang pinasok namin ito. Walang tunog ang maririnig at tila mabibingi kapa.

Ngayon, ang iyak ko at hagulgol ni Tita Anastacia ang lumukob sa paligid. Nakaluhod at nanginginig na nakadungaw sa anak niyang sinubukan kunin ang kaniyang sariling buhay.

And that was the moment that I felt guilty… Maybe I had some fault for this… Perhaps if I could just go to him and talk to him about his problem just like what he always does when I was in that position… Maybe somehow he wouldn’t think to do this to himself.

Mabilis na bumagsak ang katawan ni Alex at bahagyang dumagan sa akin nang matagumpay na naputol ni Kuya Jan ang lubid. Hindi ko alam kung paano niya nagawa iyon, ang importante ang ay natanggal namin siya sa ganun posisyon.

Mabilis na dumalo si Tita Anastacia sa amin, sa anak. At roon mas nangibabaw ang hagulgol niya ng makita ang itsura ng anak sa malapitan.

Alex’s face was pale, almost lifeless when he fell into me. His lips were tinged with violet as if the blood on them had been drained. Maputla at wala ring kulay ang mga kuko niya sa kamay habang hawak hawak ni Tita Anastacia.

“I’m so sorry, Son. Please, hold in there and don’t leave us please.” she cried pleadingly.

Tila ako nawalan na ng enerhiya at parang may kung ano na lang ang kumokontrol sa akin. I stared at his eyes which were closed peacefully as if he didn’t do anything to himself.

Humagulgol lang si Tita Anastacia. Nakatayo lang si Kuya Jan sa gilid namin at may hawak hawak pa rin na gunting. Hindi ko ma-inagine na magagawa niya ‘to sa sarili niya. Sa lahat ng tao na makikitaan ko ng posibilidad na magagawa ito sa sarili, si Alex ang nasa pinaka dulo dahil hindi ko siya nakilala bilang mahina.

But then it hit me, just like everyone else, Alex is still human. He can break. He can hurt. He can feel weak. Because that’s how we were made, not to be perfect, but to feel.

To feel strength and joy, yes… but also to feel pain, sorrow, and the weight of our own brokenness.

Pero hindi naman sapat iyon para lang kunin mo ang sarili mong buhay. Kahit gaano ka nasasaktan, kahit gaano ka naghihirap hindi kailanman naging solusyon iyon para wakasan lahat lahat ng nararamdaman mo.

“Ma’am, kailangan na po natin siya madala sa hospital.” Si Kuya Jan na ngayon ay lumuhod na sa aking gilid.

Tumango lang ako at nagpaubaya. I looked at my bestfriend and felt the pain again. Lumaban ka, Alex. Hindi magiging masaya si… Si Jenny kung malalaman niyang ginawa mo ‘to.

Mabilis na binuhat ni Kuya Jan si Alex at lumabas. Inalalayan ko naman si Tita Anastacia at sumunod na sa kay Kuya Jan. Nang makababa kami sa lobby ay kita ko ang gulat bumalatay sa mga taong naroroon pati ang mga guwardya.

Mabilis na isinilid ni Kuya Jan si Alex sa likod ng sasakyan. Si Tita Anastacia ang umupo ro’n kasama si Alex at ako naman ang sa harap.

Kung ano ano ang sinasabi ni Tita kay Alex na hindi ko na maintindihan. Umiiyak siya habang pilit na ginigising ang anak. Ramdam na ramdam ko pa rin ang panginginig ng katawa ko. Hindi ko na nga alam kung dahil ba sa takot iyon dahil sa pagod na aking naramdaman mula sa mga nangyari sa akin ngayon araw.

Nang makarating kami sa ER ng hospital dito sa Marikina ay mabilis naman siyang dinaluhan ng mga nurse. Pinasok nila si Alex sa silid at pinagbawala na kami sumunod ro’n kaya naman inalalayan ko nalang si Tita habang humahagulgol pa rin.

“Tita, magiging okay rin po si Alex. Malakas po iyon at hindi po iyon magpapatalo.” alu ko sa kaniya habang hinihimas ang kaniyang likod.

“Kasalanan ko ‘to eh… Kung… Kung hindi ko siya pinilit ipakasal sa iba… Hindi niya naman ito gagawin diba…” Iyak ni Tita.

“Tita, hindi naman po natin masasabi na iyon ang pinakadahilan kung bakit niya ito nagawa.”

Umiling siya at humarap sa akin. Kitang kita ko ang lungkot at sakit na bumabalatay sa kaniyang mga mata.

“Tumanggi na siya sakin… Samin, Riz. Pero ‘di namin siya pinakinggan… Pinilit ko… Kasi…” Hindi niya naituloy ang dapat na sasabihin dahil sa pagpakawala ng hagulgol sa kaniyang bibig.

“Tahan na po, Tita. Makakayanan po itong lagpasan ni Alex.” Ani ko at niyakap siya nang mahigpit.

“Tita, mahal ka ni Alex. Kaya kahit masakit, pinipilit ka niyang sundin. Pero may limitasyon din ang kahit pinakamalakas na anak. Hindi niyo kasalanan ‘to. Walang isang dahilan lang para sa ganito…”

Sa aking balikat inilabas ni Tita ang sakit na dulot sa nangyari. Ilang sandali ang lumipas at lumapit sa amin si Kuya Jan.

I looked at him, wondering.

“Ma’am, excuse lang po pero hinahanap po kayo ni Mayor. Nagwala raw po siya sa loob ng condo niya nang magising na wala ka.” Ani niya.

Bigla akong kinabahan kahit na hindi naman dapat. Wala rin akong dapat maramdaman dahil sa lahat ng aking natuklasan, siya dapat ang kabahan sa amin dalawa.

At nagwala? Dapat lang! Dapat lang na maramdaman niya ‘yon. Hindi pa nga sapat iyong nararamdaman niya sa mga bagay na naramsmaan ko.

“Hayaan mo siya, Kuya Jan. And please po, ‘wag niyo na lang sabihin kung saan tayo pumunta.” Pakikihingi ko ng pabor kahit alam kong imposible iyon.

Namilog ang mata niya at tila kinabahan. “Ma’am… Kasi… Papunta na ho rito si Mayor.”

Tiningnan ko siya at pilit hinanap ang pagsisinungaling sa kaniyang mukha. Napabuntong hininga na lamang ako dahil alam ko naman na wala siyang magagawa at wala siyang choice kundi sabihin iyon sa baliw niyang amo.

And speaking of the devil, wala pang isang oras ang lumipas at dumating na agad ang sinungaling dito sa hospital. Nandito pa rin kami sa tapat ng ER dahil wala pa rin doctor ang lumalabas mula pa kanina.

“Wife… What are you doing here? Why did you leave without telling me? Tila ako mababaliw nang magising na wala ka sa tabi ko.” Sunod sunod niya sabi sa tila hinihingal at napapaos na boses.

I looked at him, lifeless. No tinge of emotion flickering in my eyes. His hair was disheveled as if he had just straight from his bed. Nakasuot lang rin siya ng hoodie at ang palagi niyan suot pag nasa condo niya siya. Ang jersey shorts.

Lumapit siya sa kinauupuan namin. Lumuhod siya upang magkalebel ang aming katawan pero wala pa rin akong emosyon na ipinapakita sa kaniya.

He stared at me, puzzled. Maybe thinking why I was acting like this… Not bothering the question he asked or even his presence.

I don’t even feel anything anymore, not like before. No more racing heartbeat. No more butterflies in my stomach. Just pain. And anger. Burning, suffocating anger… because of the truth I uncovered in that hidden room. His fucking obsession room.

He held my arms that were on my lap but I quickly snatched them away.

Kumunot ang noo niya nang mapatingin sa aking ginawa.

“Wife? Answer me please?” He asked again and tried to hold my hands but failed when I did it again.

Hindi ako sumagot hindi rin ako tumitingin sakaniya. Kahit gusto ko man tanungin siya, kausapin at ilabas lahat ng mga sakit na aking naramdaman sa mga natuklasan pero hindi ko magawa. Feeling ko hindi ko makakayanan lahat ng maririnig kong sagot pag ginawa ko iyon… Feeling ko mas lalo akong babasag sa mga katotohanan na kahit alam ko naman na ay may parte pa rin sa akin na umaasa na hindi.

I heard him sigh before standing up. That’s right, Mr. Mayor. I don’t want to face you right now, I don’t want to talk to you or even hear any words from you. All I want right now is to go far away, away enough not to see you…

Ilang minuto pa siyang nakatayo lang sa aking harapan. Kahit hindi ako tumingin sa kaniya ay alam kong nasa akin ang kaniyang tingin.

Nagpakawala pa siya nang malalim na buntong hininga bago naglakad papunta kung nasaan si Kuya Jan.

“Jan,” He called his Men in a deep and commanding voice.

“Sir,” Rinig kong pagdalo agad ni Kuya Jan.

Hindi ko sila nilingon dahil tila ako masusunog kapag tumingin ako sa kaniya. Sa kay Seth.

Naglakad at pumunta sila sa kung saan malayo mula sa amin habang ang iilang Men in Black niya ay matindig na nanatili malapit sa amin tila inutusan na magbantay.

I rested my head against the wall behind me and shut my eyes tightly. Sa lahat ng nangyari, mula kagabi, kaninang madaling araw at sa pangyayari na ito kay Alex ay tila ngayon lang bumaba ang kalabisang pagod at panghihinga sa akin. Hindi ko na kinaya at tuluyan na nga akong nawalan ng malay.

Nagising ako sa isang silid at ang ilaw na nasa kisame lamang ang sumalubong sa akin. Namilog ang aking mata at mabilis kong sinubukang umahon para lamang bumagsak ulit pabalik sa aking kinahihigaan. I can’t feel my body! I can’t feel my legs. What the fuck is happening! Wala akong maigalaw kahit daliri ko man lang sa paa. Tanging ulo ko lamang ang malaya kong naigagalaw.

Napabaling ako sa gilid ko at bumungad sa akin si Alex na nakapikit at may oxygen na nakalagay sa kaniyang bibig. Tulog na tulog at tila walang kayang mang gising man lang sa kaniya mula sa mapayapang at mahimbing na pagkakatulog. Sa gilid niya ay si Tita na nakatitig sa kaniya habang mugtong mugto ang mga mata mula sa pag-iyak.

Naramdaman ko ang presensya ng tao sa aking gilid kaya napabaling ako ro’n. Seth’s worried and sad eyes immediately caught my attention.

He brushed my hair and crouched a bit. “Are you feeling okay? Sobra sobrang pagod raw ang naramdaman mo kaya di na kinaya ng katawan mo at bumagsak na… I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t take you over and over again…” Aniya at pababa ng pababa ang boses nang sabihin ang dulo no’n.

Nag-init ang pisngi ko dahil mabilis kong nakuha ang ibig niyang sabihin at gusto ko man lasaping ang sarap at kilit na naidudulot ng ginagawa niyang pagsuklay sa buhok ko ngunit hindi ko magawa dahil mabilis rin bumalik sa akin ang mga bagay na natuklasan ko.

Iniwas ko ang tingin sa kaniya at binaling ulit ‘yon kay Alex.

“Umalis ka rito, Seth. Ayaw kita dito…” saad ko sa mababa at napapaos kong boses.

“Wife,”

“Narinig mo ‘ko. Ang sabi ko ayaw kita rito at umalis ka!” Hindi ko na napigilan na mapataas ang tono ng aking boses dahilan kaya napabaling sa akin si Tita Anastacia.

“Riz, hija…” Tawag sa akin, boses iyon ni Tito Jacob. Nandito na pala siya, kanina pa ba siya nakarating dito o ngayon lang.

Hindi sumagot si Seth kaya binaling ko ulit ang tingin ko sakaniya. Bwisit! Kung kaya ko lang gumalaw eh kanina pa ako nakaahon dito. Ano bang nangyari sa akin? At tila napalarisado ako!

“Hija, ‘wag mo naman sigawan ang nobyo mo. Kanina pa yan siya dito simula nang ipasok ka rito.” Si Tita naman ngayon at tumayo na upang daluhan ako.

Hindi ako nakasagot at tinignan lamang ang lalaking nakatayo, pagod at nasasaktan akong tinignan. I wanted to yell at him but I stopped myself. Naiintindihan ko ang ibigsabihin ni Tita, pero hindi ko kayang ipagsawalang bahala, lunukin lahat ng nalaman ko mula sa lalaking ‘to na wala akong ibang ginawa kundi papasukin sa buhat ko at mahalin ko ng totoo, walang halong pagsisinungaling at pagtatago.

Nag-init ang mata ko dahil sa luhang nagbabadyang tumulo. I looked away, I can’t even tell him the truth about the things I discovered. I know I should confront him but I am too weak to do it… But I was too broken to stay and swallow it all.

“Tita,” Napapaos at may unting pagkabasag sa aking boses.

“Hija,”

“Paalisin niyo po siya dahil hindi ko po siya kayang makita.” Saad ko bago ko iyuko ang aking mukha.

I clasped my chest and stopped the sobs from escaping from my lips. I don’t want him to see me cry because of his shits!

I don’t have any energy to face him, to see him with his eyes flickering the pain he felt because of my coldness.

Nasasaktan ako dahil sa nasasaktan ko rin siya pero parang ang duga na ganito ako habang siya…

Patawarin mo ako kung ito lang ang kaya kong gawin ngayon. Dahil kung pipiliin kong harapin ka… baka mahalin pa rin kita kahit masakit… Kahit pilit na isinusuka ng aking sarili ang pagmamahal na ito dahil sa katotohanan na pilit mong itango sa akin.

“Hijo, mukhang galit at may di kayo pagkakaunawan nitong… Nobya mo. Mukhang kailangan mo munang pagbigyan at ‘wag muna siyang pilitin.” Ani ni Tita.

“Tama ang asawa ko, hijo.” Segunda naman ni Tito Jacob.

After that, a deafening silence swallowed us. No one dared to talk or to make any noise. Tanging ang tunog lang galing sa makina ang umaalingawngaw sa paligid.

“Alright, I’ll do what you want… Wife. But I’ll have my guards stay here to guard you.” Aniya sa basag at tila nasasaktan na boses. Pero sa huli hindi ko siya sinagot at di ko rin siya tinignan.

I heard him heave a heavy sigh before going out of the room.

Tita brushed her fingers through my cheeks and smiled at me, assuringly. It was like all I needed for me to let go and finally cry it out. Tumango lang siya sa akin at tila naiintindihan lahat kahit pa wala akong ni-isang salita na binanggit kung bakit ganito ang aking pakikitungo sa lalaki.

My tears fell continuously as I let my whole broken heart out. This hurt me more than I imagined it would. I thought that ignoring him, to treat him like a ghost would be much easier than facing him about the truth but I was wrong. This pains me more than it did yesterday.

Tuluyan na akong niyakap ni Tita. Sa bisig niya ako umiyak at humagulgol habang. Tita and Tito were silent and didn’t even utter any words. They just let me cry, gushing out all the pain, betrayal, secrecy, and the lies that were shattering me inside.

Dahil sa pagod at dahil na rin siguro sa pag-iyak ay nakatulog akong muli. Hapon na ng magising ako at ang bumungad sa akin ay Tito Jacob, wala si Tita Anastacia dahil umuwi raw para makapagpahinga.

Alex was still unconscious. According to Tito Jacob, the doctor said it was a good thing we arrived before Alex completely lost his breath, just in time, before the hanging took his life.

Tito Jacob cried in front of me, he didn’t mind that I was watching him, and felt guilty about what happened.

Wala akong ibang nakita sakaniya kundi pagsisisi at sakit, hindi bilang isang matikas, barako na lalaki kundi isang ama na nagsisisi dahil sa mga nagawang desisyon para sa anal.

“I should have let him decide for himself. I was a coward, a fool for not letting him say what he wanted or even hear his own decisions. I’m so fucked up, Riz. My son didn’t deserve me to be his father, he deserves better.” He cried out in agony and pain.

Tumayo ako at pinuntahan si Tito Jacob. I understand him, and how his beliefs clouded his mind. Maybe he was only thinking what’s best for his son, for Alex that he forgot that his son has his mind to think and decide for himself. Perhaps he was scared—afraid that he might fail him. But the truth is, no one ever really knows what’s best unless we try, unless we fail. Because failure, mistakes, heartbreak—they’re all part of being human. We are meant to stumble, to fall, to break… and through those cracks, we learn, we grow, and we become.

At kung nagkamali man siya sa mga desisyon nila. Mas maganda na rin na natuto siya at nalaman niya ang lahat.

“Naiitindihan ko naman po kayo, Tito. Kaya rin siguro kahit may sarili gusto si Alex ay mas pinili niyang sundin na lang kayo dahil alam niya na gusto niyo lang naman ang kung mas maayos sa kaniya… Pero Tito, Alex came to me one time. He was crying, broken and in pain.” Ani ko habang nakatayo sa gilud niya at hinimas ko ang kaniyang likuran.

Napaangat ang kaniyang ulo at napatingin sa anak na hanggang ngayon ay mahimbing pa rin na natutulog.

“And let me guess, it was because of that… woman, right?” He asked.

Si Jenny.

Hindi na’ko nagtaka dahil mukhang alam niya rin naman na kung bakit. At mukhang naging sarado lang talaga ang tenga nila para mapakinggan si Alex.

“He was crying, mukha po siyang yung Alex na kaklase ko po nung grade 1. Umiiyak at tila walang pake. He said that you arranged him to marry someone else.”

Tumango si Tito.

“Tito, hindi naman po sa nakikisawsaw ako sainyo. Pero gusto ko lang pong malaman niyo na kahit kailan hindi ko po nakitang sinuway ni Alex lahat ng utos at gusto niyong gawin niya… Kahit pa nitong minamahal na niyang lubos ang kaibigan namin… Still, he obeyed you and did what you wished for him to do. Wala po siyang nasabi na kahit ano, puro sakit lang na nararamdaman niya. Pero Tito, simula no’n hindi ko na nakita pa si Alex. Bigla siyang nawala, bigla siyang hindi na nagparamdam sa amin. He distanced himself from us, heto ko lang po ulit siya nakita. Maraming nagbago sa kaniya, tila siya ibang tao, Tito.”

“I know, hija. It was because of our selfishness. My pride and my thirst to give him what I think is the best…” Saad ni Tito.

“Alex will always be your son, Tito. But please, let’s hear him, let him voice his heart out. What he wants for himself. I know I might be sounding so over the line but as his bestfriend… Please po, give him a chance to prove that he can stand for his own life.”

Hindi nakasagot si Tito. Napatitig lang siya sa anak at patuloy na umiyak. I feel like I’m being so pakialamera pero hindi ko napigilan ang sarili ko lalo pa’t alam ko kung ano ang maaaring naging puno’t dulo nito. I might be crossing the line but I wanted him to know what I saw from his son.

Nang sinabihan akonng doctor na puwede na akong makalabas ay nagpaalam na rin ako kay Tito dahil uuwi na muna ako. Sinubukan ko na rin na bayaran ang bill ko dahil sa pagka confine ngunit sabi nung nasa counter ay bayad na raw ni Mayor. Hindi na ako nagtak pa at nagreklamo.

Hindi na rin ako nagulat pa na kilala siya rito. Nang makauwi ako sa apartment ay nagulat ako nang bumungad sa akin si Seth na mahimbing natutulog sa aking kama. Nakasuot siya ng itim na sando at short habang suot suot naman niya ang toothless kong headband. Nakadapa sa kama at mahimbing na natutulog.

Kumirot ang dibdib ko dahil sa pagkakita ko sa kaniya. In an instant, all the pain that I felt in that room was like resurfaced and became more fresh. Sobrang sikip ng dibdib ko at nag-init ulit ang aking mata.

Naupo ako sa gilid niya at marahang sinuklay ang kaniyang buhok. His face was calm while sleeping, it was as if he couldn’t even make a person go limp with just one punch.

Sobrang sakit na na magiging ganito tayo, na magiging ganito lang dahil sa mga bagay na planado pala. Sa mga katotohanan na palandong lumantad kung kailan masaya na ako, masaya na tayo.

Sunod sunod na tumulo ang luha ko dahil sa tindi ng sakit na aking nararamdaman. Bakit, Seth? Bakit kailangan pang may gano’n sa atin? Bakit pa kailangan mong magtago at hindi maging totoo para sa akin? Mahal mo ko diba! Pero bakit ganito? Ang sakit!

Tahimik akong umiyak habang nasasaktan ko siyang tinititigan. Pero kahit pa siguro maging tahimik o maging pipe ako, kung ang tadhana na ang magsasabi na kailangan namin mag-usap, wala na rin akong magagawa.

His eyes slowly moved, as if my silent cry was still able to distract him from his deep slumber. And then, there he was, he slowly open his eyes and the moment his eyes held mine, his orb dilated as he swiftly pulled himself up and cage me from his embrace.

“Wife, y-you’re here. C-can… C-Can we talk now?”

Chapter 38

CHAPTER 38

Trigger Warning: This chapter mentions of mental illness.

Kneel

“Can we talk now? Hmmm?” He asked in his low and raspy voice while hugging me tightly. I felt like I was gonna break anytime soon because of how tightly he was hugging me.

I didn’t answer as I let my tears fall onto his shoulders, it was like I was savoring this moment of peace before I surrendered to his wishes and talked about why I suddenly acted this way after our steamy and sexy night in his bedroom.

From our position, I could feel the beat of our hearts, breaking from point to point, banging against our chest.

Alam ko naman na hindi ko siya pwedeng takbuhan, taguan lalo pa’t ngayon na nalaman ko na lahat ng katotohanan sa pagkatao ko. That I was stolen when I was a babe from the person with whom I was supposed to grow up with. My parents, my real parents not by the thieves, a burglar who raised me with love and joy, as their own… My heart hurt with the thoughts that were blooming in my head, it was like an unwanted word I used for the person I grew up with, whom I love the most.

We stayed in that position for an hour, I suppose… But when I finally mustered my own strength, filed myself up, and was ready to confront him about his fucking room. I quickly remove myself from his embrace, no more the pain and shattering love in my eyes, quickly turned into an emotionless—almost lifeless.

I stood up and stepped away from him. I heave a deep sigh before starting to talk to this man.

“Damerese Solaven Del Fuego,” I trailed off as I looked at him straight in his eyes. Battling his gaze as he looked at our distance.

Pained by it.

I saw how his pupils dilated, shocked by the name I spoke out. You didn’t see this coming, Seth. Now let’s hear how you spit out another lie to cover up your obsessions.

He stepped forward, trying to get near me, but I stepped back the reason he stopped. The pain swiftly took over his eyes as he saw me slowly putting a wall between us.

“Who the fuck is that? Tell me?” I asked, almost commanding him to tell me the truth.

“W-Wife, h-how did you know— did you went to that roo—”

“Yes, I did. Ngayon sabihin mo sino ‘yon? ‘Yun ba ang totoo kong pangalan?”

He gulped, obviously getting tense by the topic that was slowly emerging.

“W-Wife, it was supposedly a secret. Why–fuck!” Tila hindi niya alam kung ano ang dapat sabihin.

My heart began to sting with the pain. It was like a hard truth that was supposedly hidden away… Away from me! But fuck! I deserve my truth! The truth about my existence!

I chuckled humorlessly. “A secret?! Huh?! A secret! Seth, tungkol sa akin ‘yon! Tungkol sa pagkatao ko ‘yon! Bakit kailangan maging sikreto, huh?! Sino ka para magdesisyon tungkol sa pagkatao ko para magisng sikreto!” Sigaw ko sa kaniya. Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko dahil parang naputol lahat lahat ng pagpipigil ko dahil sa sinabi niya.

Now! It was clear to me that all of it was planned. It was all planned to be a secret, a life that I suppose to live. Hell! I care about my real family’s background!All I want was my truth!

Kita ko ang pagkakataranta niya sa biglaan kong pagputok. He tried once again to get near me but I raised my hand to stop him. I don’t want to feel him close, heck, to be in the same room was enough for me to vomit.

“W-Wife, please don’t shout and calm down.”

My eyes immediately darted at him, it was like I heard the funniest jokes I ever heard.

“Calm down? How could I, Seth? And please, stop calling me with that undearment, it makes me sick!” I spat.

Mabilis na bumalatay ang sakit sa mga mata niya, his shoulder sagged as he face became lifeless.

He is in pain, and I’m so fucking disgusted by myself because it makes me feel hurt too!

“No, wife. Please, don’t say that? And… And l-let me explain, I-I’ll…” He stopped and swallowed hard as if it was hard for him to continue. “I-I’ll tell you everything. Let’s talk everything out, hmmm?” He swiftly closed our distance as he tries to convince me.

Mabilis na akong napa-iyak dahil sa naramdaman ko ang pagyakap niya sa akin, hinimas niya ang buhok ko bago ako patakan ng mga halik sa ulo.

I don’t fucking want this! All I want right now is to hear him say the truth!

“S-Stay away from me… B-Bitawan mo ‘ko!” Iyak ko sa kaniya.

“Shhh! You don’t want that, I know… You are just hurt… I’m sorry.”

Umiling ako at sinubukan siyang itulak. Gosh! Riz! You shouldn’t fall for his trap! Huwag ka naman maging marupok at labanan mo para sa katotohanan.

I punched his chest, badly want to make it hard but I was too weak to do so. “You lied to me! You fucking lied to me! Kumalas ka at sabihin mo sa akin ang totoo!”

Humigpit ang yakap niya sa akin habang paulit-ulit na sinasabi na kumalma ako.

“I will, Wife. But please calm down.”

“No!” I denied once more before I pulled all the strength that I had regenerated from the sleep I did from the hospital.

Tuluyan siyang napalayo sa akin at tumitig sa akin gamit ang naiiyak niya mga mata.

I held his gaze, challenging him. I want to show him how I was desperate and thirsty for this talk… To know the truth.

“You!” I pointed him. “Fucking tell me the truth before we end this relationship. Now!” I demanded.

He lose all his cool and completely broke down. Mabilis na umagos ang mga luha niya habang tila aligaga akong tinignan. He tried to close our distance but I stopped him by stepping out from the doorsteps.

“No! You stay there and talk! Now.”

“W-wife,”

“I said stop calling me that!”

“Please! I’ll tell you everything… All of it, I’ll confess everything. I promise but please… Don’t do this!” He cried like a kid as he pleaded.

I shook my head, dismissing his request. I’m not gonna fall for his demands ever again. After all the things he did… After all the lies, deception and secrets! Heck! Who’s gonna stay with a relationship built with all of that? No fucking one!

“Stop and please start to talk! Kanina pa tayo dito pero hindi ka pa rin nagsasalita!”

Umiyak siya nang umiyak nang makitang pirmi ako sa desisyon ko. Totoo naman! Wala akong ibang nararamdaman kundi pagkasuka, sakit at galit mula sa lahat ng iyon. I gave him his chance… His last chance but what he did was to keep on hiding the truth from me. He had his chance! He fucking had all the chances to tell me the truth but he chose not to!

“Y-yes! It was your real name, your name by birth. And from how you act right now, all that you watched from that laptop was true! You are the missing prince of the Del Fuego clan, our family’s political rival.” He confessed.

Missing prince… No! Imagined the shocking face of them the moment they found out that I was a princess, not the prince that they were expecting me to be.

Kahit pa alam ko na ‘yon. Hindi ko pa rin napigilan ang magulat. Political rival? So, that man from the coffee shop was my fucking brother! The Vice Mayor of this municipality was my brother!

Hindi ako nagsalita habang patuloy pa rin ang pag-iyak. My hands were now trembling because of the pain of truth.

“Your adopted mom… Nanay, she stole you from them when you are still a baby… She was ordered and paid by a person who has a deep grudge towards your family…”

“Sino?”

He shook his head. “I still don’t know, Wife. But my men and my investigation about the mastermind behind it was still ongoing… Perhaps, we can ask Nanay directly about it…”

Oh no! No! Not with her condition! No fucking way!

“No! We will not do that!”

Napatigil siya at tumitig sa amin. He then nods his head to agree.

“Your family… The Del Fuegos tried find you but since that Nanay kept you away so well…that’s why they failed despite the attemps but by now, I know that Damian already knew about you, about you being his younger sister… He was just being too conscious and careful about your safety.”

Sobra sobra ang tibok ng puso ko… Sobrang init at tila may kung anong yumakap sa dibdib ko dahil sa mga narinig. It was like a thing that I long awaited to hear, to know. And by that, all my life I believed that I was lost, dump and throw away like a garbage but the truth is I was stolen.

“And?”

“I already talked to your brother, we had a fight… But we settled it, don’t worry… I promised him to guard and protect you that’s why they chose not to show themselves to you, because they were trying to protect and deceive their unknown enemy.”

Lumuwag ang dibdib ko kahit pa hindi pa rin tumitigil ang luha ko sa pag-agas. It was enough, I am contented with what I heard from him. Knowing all the truth. Alam ko rin na hindinsiya nagsisinungaling dahil alam niya na matatapos at matatapos ang relasyon namin kahit magsinungaling man siya o hindi.

“And what about those pictures, your collection of my missing things? Did you stole them just to feed your obsession with me?” I said, jumping through his mental illness.

He gagged, not expecting that I would brought that topic out of the box.

“You fucking stole my things! And how did you do that, huh? You fucking sick in the head!”

“W-Wife,” He called out, as he tried to swallow the bile in his throat.

I was fucking mad! I can stomach that the man I love was fucking hid this part of him from me, An obsession with me. It was not a thing that should be happy about, it was an illness. And it should be addressed and properly treated. If he could just be honest with me, maybe… Just fucking maybe we can talk this out! I’ll be freaked out… still but I can somehow forgive him because it was an illness that needed to be treated.

But I’m so sorry to spits some curse because I can’t even fucking control myself.

I laughed sarcastically. “What’s your stand for that, huh?” I said challenging him.

He bowed his head and heave a deep sigh. And the moment he raised his head and quickly our eyes met, my body shivered because now, his face are no longer dancing with emotion. No longer the pain I was seeing flickering in his eyes. He was only… Emotionless, blank and almost look like a fucking puppet.

He smirked at me evilly. “Yes, Wife. I had this obsession with you… All I could think and imagine was holding you within my grasp. All I cound think was all of you.” He confessed with his tone of voice were cold and almost no bounds of means.

It was life he soul left his body and now his body possess hy a psycho. My body shook uncontrollably when he stepped forward while helding my gaze with his playful smirk.

“What’s with my obsession with you, Wife? Isn’t normal that I was obsessed with you because you are fucking mine? I am yours so was you were mine. You’re my girlfriend, right?”

Hindi ko alam kung saan napunta lahat ng tapant ko at tangi ko na lamang nararamdaman ay takot. Takot na baka ano ang magawa niya sa akin.

I can’t feel my legs, heck, I can’t move them. I felt like my feet had grown roots. I was stuck in place as I watched him finally closed our distance.

“S-Seth,” I said barely whisper, the fear I was feeling was surely evident in my tone.

His smirk grew wider. “Yes, Wife?” His hand swiftly landed on my cheeks and caressed them softly and carefully.

“L-Lumayo ka sa akin sabi eh.”

“Nuh-uh. I’m done telling you the truth that you are so thirsty about. Now, you’ll give me what I want.” He said.

“W-What?”

“I know you are broken, hurt and blinded by the things you’ve discovered. But I was really planning to tell you about it. If you could have just been patient and obedient.” He said as the warmnth of his skin was continuously brushing against my cheeks.

I shut my eyes tightly, holding my breath.

Why does he sound so different? He sounds like not the Seth that I was talking with a moment ago. I no longer knew where the conversation was heading. Each passing second felt heavier, especially with how quickly his expression kept changing—so fast I couldn’t keep up. Just moments ago, emotions danced in his beautiful eyes, but now… they were gone, like a door to his soul had been slammed shut.

And the fear and trembling inside me only grew stronger. The coldness in his stare, the lifeless look on his face—it all made me think that one wrong word… and he might hurt me. And I wasn’t sure if I could take it.

He planted a soft and gentle kiss on my lips. My breath caught inside my chest. He stared at me eyes and examined it. I can’t have the energy to hide how I was scared by how he look right now. My body is trembling, my chest was breathing so deep and hard,.

He sighed.

“I love you so much, Wife. Please, don’t leave me. Don’t break up with me…”

I immediately opened my eyes and shocked how he quickly kneel in front of me and hugged me by my waist. What the fuck is wrong with him!

“S-Seth, Tumayo ka diyan!” I tried to pull him up but I failed because of our weight difference.

He shook his head like a kid, scared that I will leave him. “No! Say that you will not break our relationship up… That you’ll stay with me, please?” He pleaded.

Pakiramdam ko kabaliwana nalang ang nangyayari. Nasa aming dalawa siya ang naaapektuhan ng estrofem na iniinom ko dahil sa bilis magbagod ng mood niya…

“Seth, ano ba! Tumayo ka diyan sabi.”

“No!” He pouted his lips when he looked at me.

Kung wala lang kami sa ganitong sitwasyon, ang galit, sakit ang pumapagitna sa aming dalawa ay baka kinilig at nakyut-an pa ako sa kaniya. Pero hindi, dahil simula nung nalaman ko lahat ay nabuo ang desisyon kong tatapusin ko na ang sa amin. Na hindi ko pwedeng hayaan na pagbigyan siya dahil walang mangyayari at patuloy lang niya iyon na gagawin.

“Buo na ang desisyon ko, Seth. Ayoko na! Dahil hindi ko kayang manatili sa ganitong relasyon. You lied to me twice! You chose to hide my truth from me, my birth root. You can’t even tell me that you had that…” I sighed. “Tumayo ka diyan!”

Kita ko ang mabilis na pagbuhos ng iyak sa kaniyang mata. He cried as he buried his face in my waist.

“No! Please! I can’t lose you! I can’t let you leave me like this! Please!”

“Hindi na, Seth. Ayoko na!”

His hug tightened. Patuloy siya sa pag-iyak na parang bata dahil talagang rinig na rinig ang boses niya.

“No! No! No!”

“You need to mend your illness, obsessions is no joke. You need to treat it because I can’t stay with a man who had that while loving me. You’ll just going to destroy me, us one day.” Sinubukan ko ulit siyang iangat ngunit hindi ko na talaga kinaya.

“I’ll treat it while you’re here with me… by my side. I’ll be better, I’ll go to doctors to treat it. Just please don’t leave me! Don’t break up with me!”

“Seth—”

“I’ll announce to the public that you are my girlfriend, I’ll be a good boy. I will be a good bofriend. I’ll do everything you want! I’ll be honest, I’ll tell you everything… Please! Riz! Don’t leave me.”

Patuloy niyang pag-iyak dahilan para maramdaman ko ang unti unting pagrupok ng mga desisyon ko, ang masaktan sa nakikita kong estado niya ngayon. Pero hindi ko puwedeng baliin ang desiyon ko dahil alam kong hindi maganda ang pagbigyan siya.

I knew that he’s a man of his word. I knew him! Kahit marami pang bagay na tinatago siya sa akin, na may ibang parte pa sa kaniya ang hindi ko pa nakikita.

Alam kong gagawin niya ang mga bininitawan niya.

Pero alam kong pag nanatili ako habang may ganito siyang karamdaman ay hindi makakatulong iyon lalo pa’t sa kalagayan kong gulong gulo at sobrang nabasag sa lahat ng nalaman.

I have so many things to settle and to asses. To hink and to solve. Marami akong mga plano na kailangan kong gawin upang buohin ang pagkatao ko. At hindi ko magagawa iyon habang nasa ganitong relasyon. Parehas kaming masasaktan dahil parehas kaming basag at sira.

At magmimistulang lason lang kaming dalawa para sa isa’t isa.

“I’m so sorry, Seth. But I can’t—”

I wasn’t able to finish what I was about to say when the door of my apartment suddenly swung open. Kuya Jan marched towards us, who were in the same position in front of the doorstep—still hanging in the dramatic mood of our conversation.

“Sir! Ma’am! Nakarating po sa akin mula sa mga tauhan natin na nagbabantay sa bahay nina Maurice na nawawala po si Sander.”

Hinihingal na balita ni Kuya Jan. Mabilis na napakalas si Seth sa akin kasabay no’n ang pagtingin niya kay Kuya Jan na para bang nakarinig siya ng isang balita na kailanman ay hindi niya ninanais.

“What did you just say?!” His growled, his voice thundered.

Tumunog rina ng aking phone na nasa bag kaya naman mabilis ko iyon na kinuha at tinignan kung aino ang tumatawag.

Ramon is calling…

I chose to let my other ear open, to know what these two men were talking about… While I was attending to my brother’s call.

Nang sasagutin ko ang tawag niya ay biglang nawala iyon at sunod sunod na mensahe ang lumitaw sa screen ng aking phone.

Ramon:

Ate sagutin mo.
Ate, please.
Ate, si Nanay wala na.

And that was the moment I remember before I fell to the ground.

Chapter 39

CHAPTER 39

Numb

Tila ako sinasakal dahil sa labis na paninikip ng aking leeg. My breath was stuck in my throat and my body felt so light. My hearing also sounds like a damaged siren that was continuously ringing.

My tears fell like a goddamn waterfall as the message slowly dawned on me. It isn’t true, right? Hindi naman pwede diba? Na wala na ang Nanay?

A loud sob escaped my lips as I stared at my phone, its screen now cracked from the fall—just like me, shattered and broken in a second. Hindi puwede! H’wag naman ganito! Sobrang sakit na ng katawan ko at tila gusto ko nalang na maglaho at maging abo.

Kung kailan nalaman ko ang totoo, kung kailan marami kaming pag-uusapan ni Nanay. Kung kailan alam na naisantabi ko lahat para lang mapatawad siya saka naman magkakaganito.

Pinilit kong tumayo, tuliro at nanginginig.

“Wife?” I heard a man’s voice call out to me, but the words barely reached me. My mind was spinning, my vision fading, and even my hearing had begun to blur as if my whole body was slowly slipping away from reality.

Kusa at tila may sariling utak ang aking katawan at hindi na inintindi ang aking paligid. Patakbo akong lumabas tanging dala lamang ang aking sariling walang ibang nararamdaman kundi pagkabigo at sa kalabisang sakit.

I heard their voice calling out my name but I’m too numb and light even to answer their call. Ni hindi ko na nga alam kung paano ako nakapunta rito sa kanto. Kita ko pa ang gulat sa mga tricycle driver na nakatambay sa waiting shed na nakita ang aking itsura.

“Ate? Anong nangyari sayo—”

“K-Kuya, sa… Sa sakayan po ng UV papuntang Del Prusada…” Pilit kong sabi sa kabila ng pag-iyak ko.

Mabilis naman na tumayo ang mga driver at tinuro ang tricycle na nakapila. I immediately went to the tricycle and was about to hop in when I felt myself suddenly float in the air.

Two big and veiny hands were wrapped around my waist and pulling me away from the tricycle. The tricycle drivers were shocked by the scene. At kahit hindi ko lingunin ay alam ko kung kaninong kamay iyon ngunit dahil masyadong blangko ang aking utak sa lahat lahat at siguro mula na rin sa balitang hindi ko pa kayang tanggapin ay hindi ko nagawang intindihin pa.

“M-Mayor,”

“Uy si Mayor,”

Rinig kong sabay sabay na tawag nung mga tricycle driver. Sinubukan ko magpumiglas ngunit mabilis naman akong naipirmi dahil hindi ko na namalayan na nasa loob na kami ng sasakyan.

I badly want to run, to escape but my body was too tired to move. I stared into nothingness, like the lifeless wreck I had become. Nakabukas ang pinto ng sasakyan at nasa labas pa rin si Seth. He was talking to the tricycle drivers, but his words couldn’t reach me.

Ilang sandali pa ay naramdaman ko na lang ang paghalik niya sa pisngi ko at marahan na sinarado ang pintuan sa aking gilid. I no longer have the power to even lift a finger, or even move any of my body. I felt so lifeless, soulless, all dead by the things that had happened.

What did I do to deserve all of this? Bakit? Hindi maintindihan kung bakit ko nararanasan ang lahat ng ‘to! What did I do to fucking have the needs to experiences this?

I feel the seat beside me slightly move and I could smell Seth’e perfume. Then I felt his hand gently hold mine.

“Wife, are you okay? Anong nangyari?” Tanong ni Seth sa akin. Bakas ang pag-aalala niya sa kaniyang boses ng sinabi niya iyon.

Hindi ako sumagot bagkos ay nanatili akong tulala. Hindi ko alam kung ano pa ba ang kamalasan na pwedeng dumapo sa akin. Kung kamalasan nga ba ang dumidikit sa akin o ako yung mismong malas?

I never really had the chance to feel happiness for long, it was always quickly replaced by something that would eventually break me. Nung una hindi ko pa pinapansin lahat, hindi ko pinagtutuunan ng atensyon lahat. Pero siguro nga ako rin ang mali dahil hindi ko man lang binigyan ng pansin ang mga maliliit na bagay na iyon na magdadala pala sa mas malaking rebelasyon.

Tapos… Tapos ngayon na nalaman ko na lahat… Kung kailan natuklasan ko na ang tungkol sa totoong pagkatao ko, sa rason kung bakit ako nawalay sa totoo kong magulang. Bigla naman kukunin sa akin ang taong siya lamang ang makakasagot sa mga tanong na bumabagabag sa akin.

“Kuya Jan, pakibaba po ako sa sakayan ng UV.” I spoke after a long silence.

I heard Seth sighed but I didn’t have any energy to pour into any of his reaction.

“Ma’am?” Nag-aalangan na tanong ni Kuya Jan, kita ko ang pagsulyap niya sa akin at saka kay Seth mula sa salamin.

“Narinig mo’ko, Kuya. Pakibaba na lang po ako sa sakayan o kung ayaw niyo po dito na lang ako baba.” I said in my firm yet cracked voice.

Wala akong oras na makipagtalo o ano man. All I want right now was to go there and be with my siblings. It was already a painful and tiring day for me, that’s why I only wished to be with them and share their pain and grief with me.

“Wife, What’s happening? Can you please tell me?” Seth asked, his voice was calm yet sounded with worry.

Slowly, I turned my head to him and let him see how broken I was. His eyes immediately scanned my face as his eyes flickered with the emotions I couldn’t even find to believe if those were even true. 

“S-Seth, nakikita mo ako? N-nakikita mo kung gaano ako ka basag ngayon? Walang wala na ako, wala na akong maramdaman!” I bit my lip to stop myself from crying again.

Ni hindi ko na nga alam kung pag-umiyak ba ako ay may bubuhos pang luha sa aking mga mata.

“Wife, don’t say that you don’t have anything left. You still have your siblings, your friends and… You still have me!” He said, trying to convince me.

Pagak akong natawa. “Huh? Ikaw? Paano mo na sabi? The moment you chose to keep my identity… The truth from me, that was the very moment you abandoned me.”

He was taken aback by what I said. His eyes circled as the pain danced in his eyes.

“W-Wife…”

“Shut up! Tama na, ayoko na makipagtalo o makipag-usap pa. Gusto ko na lang makapunta sa pamilya ko.” I tried to swallow the forming lump in my throat. “Sa piling ng Nanay ko…” I could feel my eyes burning but I know I had enough and there were no tears left for me to cry.

Napawang ang bibig niya habang nanlalambot niya akong tinitingnan. He was trying to say something but in the end he’ll just choose to shut his mouth. I was torn, I was shattered… What more he can say to me that will be less than a lie? Hindi ko na alam kung maniniwala paba ako o hindi…

Hindi na siya nagsalita at tahimik lang na umayos ng upo. Hindi ko na rin naman siya tiningnan dahil walang umiikot sa utak ko kundi ang balita na sinabi sa akin.

Why was the world so cruel to me? Was I that bad?

Wala akong naalalang may inapi o tinapakan akong tao para maranasan ko ang ganito.

Buong byahe ay tahimik kami sa loob ng sasakyan. No one dared to talk or even make a little sound. I know that Seth wanted to talk to me, to say something but he was just being submissive by doing what I wished.

Tahimik siya, tahimik ako. Maganda iyon at walang mas gugulo pa sa utak ko at sa nararamdaman ko sa oras na ‘to. Hindi ko na nga alam kung paano pa nalaman ni Kuya Jan kung saan ako patungo. Basta napagtanto ko na lang na nasa hospital na kami sa Pasig.

I swiftly hop out of the car and went to the emergency area but no one was there, wala sila Tatay o kung sino man… Hindi ko rin dala ang phone ko para matawagan man lang si Ramon dahil naiwan ko na iyon sa bahay nung wala sa ulo akong kumaripas ng alis.

I don’t even know why my feet brought me there. Siguro dahil mayro’n parte sa akin na gustong umasa na baka maiba ang takbo ng katotohanan… Na baka nasa emergency lang si Nanay at sinusubukan ayusin ang sitwasyon ng mga doctor. I was too lost to even absorb everything, even the news of her being gone… Really gone.

But my heart broke even more when my feet brought me to the morgue of the hospital… Where the dead people were brought by the personnel.

My two brothers and one little sister were crying while looking at my Nanay’s body who was covered by the white sheet. My body shook uncontrollably as I slowly walked towards my Nanay.

And as I thought that I no longer have the tears to cry, a tears fell continuously fell when I successfully remove the sheet covering her face. My heart hurt and broken second by second as I scan my Nanay’s face.

God! Please! Let this all just a dream for me, I know I’ve been a good woman and person to anyone, and I always put my heart in everything.

A loud grieving sob escapes my lips as I slowly held her cheeks, it looks cold, pale, and lifeless.

“N-Nanay…”

“A-Ate,” I heard my little sister, Bune, beside me. Her voice was tired and in pain.

I looked at her, and just like me, her eyes were full of pain and grief. It was the first time I saw her like this… A broken girl, just like me.

“W-wala na si Nanay, Ate… Wala na tayong mama, Ate.” She cried before hugging me tightly from my side.

Napabalik ang tingin ko sa katawan ng aking Nanay at dahil sa narinig ay tila dumbole—no! Trumiple lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman ko.

“Nay. Gising na po please… Marami pa po tayong tutuparin… Marami pa po tayong pupuntahan.” I cried even more. “Marami pa po tayong pag-uusapan.”

“Ate…” It was my brother, Ramon. He held my back and caress it softly, it was as if he was comforting me while he was in so much pain too.

Umiling ako. “Nay! Please! Hindi… Hindi po ako galit, kahit… Kahit alam ko na po ang totoo, lahat lahat. Nay, wag naman po ganito oh, wag naman po please.” I mourn.

Ramdam ko ang panghihina ng katawan ko dahil sa sakit na nararamdaman ko. Hindi ko ma-absorb na wala na siya, na parang kahapon lang ay kasama ko pa siya… Kasama ko pa siyang dinala sa cancer center para sa chemo niya…

Wala na akong ibang naririnig kundi ang pagtangis ko habang mahigpit na niyakap ang katawan ng babaeng nagpalaki,yumakap, at buong pagkatao akong minahal. Kahit pa na nalaman ko ang totoo na siya… Na siya ang nagtago, o naglayo sa akin mula sa aking totoong mga magulang hindi no’n nabawasan ang pagmamahal na nararamdaman ko para sa kaniya.

Sunod-sunod ang aking pag-iyak nang maramdaman kong unti-unting lumalamig at pumupusyaw ang kulay ng kaniyang balat. My legs ran out of strength, making me completely fall on the floor.

Ramon and Dante tried to lift me up but they failed. Kaya hinayaan nalang nila ako at niyakap. Naririnig ko lang rin ang mga mahihinang iyak nila.

Nanatili akong ganun hanggang sa maramdaman kong walang wala na talaga.

Ilang oras rin ang lumipas at nanatili na lang akong nakatayo at nakatitig sa katawan ng aking namayapang Nanay. She looked like she was just in a peaceful sleep. Her face showed nothing but calm—no trace of pain left behind. It was as if she had simply fallen asleep… and never woke up.

Mahina kong hinimas at sinuklay ang kaniyang buhok. I was planning to ask her about the truth, the reason why she did that to me, to my biological parents. What was her reason, or who ordered her to do that?

But now, it feels like those chances were stolen from me, snatched away without warning. Like the truths that could’ve completed me, that could’ve filled the holes carved deep within my existence.

Wala na akong maramdaman na kakaiba sa loob ko, para na lang talaga akong patay na gumagalaw. Ilang beses ko na ba itong nasabi? Pero parang hindi na rin ata sasapat pa ang mga salita na iyon para lang mapantayan at maipakita kung gaano ako nawalan ng buhay.

“Ate, kailangan na raw nilang kunin si Nanay. Sa labas na lang daw tayo.” Mahinhin ngunit nasasaktan na saad ng aking kapatid.

I nodded my head as I scanned my Nanay’s face one last time before turning my body against her and leaving the room. Ayoko pa pero wala na akong magagawa, gustuhin ko man na makasama at mahawakan pa ang katawan niya pero alam kong wala ng tyansa.

Pinaupo nila ako sa upuan sa labas ng silid. My family were here. My Tatay, who lost his other half, his wife. My two brothers and my sister, who lost a mother… their guide in life, their light in the darkness.

And then there was me, a failure. I know I did my best to save her, to support her medication, to be there when she needed me. But even that… wasn’t enough. She needed me and I wasn’t able to save her.

“Ate, alam mo ba na gusto kang makausap ni Nanay.  Nang sinugod namin siya rito sa hospital, ang sabi niya marami raw siyang kasalanan sayo, na marami raw siyang bagay na pinagsisihan dahil naapektohan raw ang buhay mo. Hindi namin maintindihan ang ibig niyang sabihin pero parang…”

“Ramon,” Putol ni Tatay kay Ramon na siya naman kinatigil ng aking kapatid.

I brushed my hair and heaved a heavy sigh. Himal lang dahil nakakaya ko pang gumalaw, na para bang nawala ang pagod na nararamdaman ko mula sa lahat ng nangyari.

Walang wala na ko pero alam kong kailangan kong magpakatatag para sa kanila, para sa mga taong naiwan ni Nanay kasama na ako.

Napatingin ako kay Tatay na bakas ang pagdadalamhati sa kaniyang mga mukha. Alam kong tinatatagan niya lang rin ang sarili niya para sa mga kapatid ko, para sa amin. But I know, deep inside, he was crumbling, detonating, because he lost someone too. A part of his heart. The other half of it. And I was hurting for him, because he couldn’t allow himself to show how broken he really was at this moment. He was thinking about us… because he knew that if we saw him in that shattered state, he’d lose the last thread of hope he was holding on to.

“Tay,” I called him because it feels like he knew something and he didn’t want to spill it out while we were all drunk—drowned by what had happened.

His tired and broken eyes found me, he heaved a deep sigh before giving me a sweet yet deceiving smile. You don’t need to hide it, Tay. I can read all of it all, I can see through you.

Pilit kong tinayo ang pagod na pagod at namamanhid kong katawan para lang mapuntahan si Tatay. I raised both of my hands and spread them widely to offer him a hug.

At sa pagkakataon na ‘yon, parang naputol lahat ng pagpipigil ni Tatay at nang kinuha niya ang alok kong yakap ay mabilis niyang binaon ang kaniyang mukha sa aking balikat at doon na pinakawalan lahat lahat ng mga pinipigalan niya.

The hallway was silent, yet the cry of our loss was deafening, echoing through the cold, empty walls. The soft sniffles of my siblings filled the air, their silence screaming louder than words. And now, the man who once taught us how to be strong… was on my shoulder, crying, begging God to take the pain away.

“Ang sakit sakit, Anak. Iniwan na ako agad ng Nanay n’yo.” Pagtangis niya sa aking balikat.

Wala akong masabi at tanging pagtango at pag samyo ng kaniyang likod ang aking nagawa.

“Kinaya niya, nilaban niya pero hindi na kinaya ng katawan niya… Pero, Anak… Malakas pa siya eh, pinapakita niyang malakas pa siya eh, pero bakit naman ganun… Biglaan.” Hagulgol ni Tatay.

Tila pinupukpok ng martilyo ang aking puso para madurog ng madurog dahil sa aking naririnig. Humigpit ang yakap ni Tatay sa akin at mas lalong umiyak. Ramdam ko sa aking mga balat ang init at ang paghagod ng pagod sa kaniyang katawan.

“Masakit siya, Tay. Pero kailangan natin intindihin na baka kaya kinuha na siya sa atin ay dahil para wala na siyang maramdaman na sakit.”

Tumango si Tatay ng ilang beses at tila iniintindi ang aking sinabi. Sa loob ko, hindi ko rin matanggap pero naisip ko na baka iyon na rin ang maganda para kay Nanay. That in the other side of the world, where their soul rests, they’ll no longer feel pain, misery or hardships. They will only feel peace, while a lovely yet calm smile was on their face. Iniisip ko iyon na ganun na ang mararamdaman ni Nanay. Walang sakit at pasakit. Kahit para sa aming mga naiwan, mahirap at puno ng pagdadalamhati.

Nang kumalma si Tatay ay pinagpahinga ko na rin sila. Gusto ko na nga rin na umuwi na sila dahil ako nalang ang mag-aasikaso ng mga kakailanganin ngunit ayaw nila. Kaya sinabi ko na kakausapin ko nalang muna ang staff tungkol sa mga bayarin.

Buti naman at pumayag sila. Mabilis rin akong lumakad para makapunta sa main counter ng hospital. Nang papaliko ako sa pasilyo mula sa morgue ng hospital ay nakita ko ang lalaking akala ko ay kanina pa umalis…

Seth was leaning on the wall while talking to his Men in Black. His hair was slightly messy, and his eyes stared deeply at his men. His jaw was clenched, as if something heavy was weighing on his mind.

Napahinto rin ako sa gulat at bahagyang pinanood sila. He was now wearing a black over sized hoodie and a white cargo short. Ngayun ko lang napasin na ganito na pala ang ayos niya. Kanina kasi habang nasa byahe ay hindi ko iyon napansin dahil na rin siguro sa wala na akong ibang maisip kundi ang nangyayari.

Kuya Jan jerked his head towards me, signaling about my presence. Seth shifted his head towards me, his eyes immediately softened the moment his eyes met mine. Umayos siya ng tayo at tila hinihintay akong dumaan sa kanila.

May kung anong sinabi si Kuya Jan sa mga kasama niyang mga Men in Black pagtapos ay mabilis rin umalis ang mga ito.

Hindi ko pa alam kung kaya ko ba siyang harapin at kung kaya ko ba pagbigyan ang kaniyang hihingilin kung sakaling gusto niyang magusap kami. Dahil para sa akin, wala nang mas importante pa para sa akin ang katahimikin at kapayapaan para sa aming pagluluksa.

At alam kong nawawala ang kaniyang anak kaya bakit siya naririto? Hindi ba dapat ay nando’n siya ngayon sa labas para maghanap?

Oh great! You forgot that this man has their own men to order. Baka nga yun ang kaniyang inutusan.

Naglakad na ako ng maayos at nag-pasyang unahin ang dapat na gawin. I sighed, secretly as I walk towards the hallways, passing at him.

Nang lalagpas na ako ay naramdaman ko ang kamay niyang humawak sa aking braso. Instantly, it sends a thousand sharp blade through my heart. And what he did was instantly flashed on my mind.

HInarap ko siya habang ang mga mata ko ay matalim. Mapaghanap ang kaniyang mga mata, ang mga labi ay pawang naka-awang.

“Why?” I asked coldly. His eyes grew wider for a moment before he licked his lip.

At first, I thought he will say something or even ask me to talk to him. But his mouth stays agape and didn’t even utter any word.

My brow shot up as my eyes became sharp.

“What is it, Seth? I don’t have time for this guessing game of yours.” I said, a bit irritated.

He sighed as he shut his eyes tightly. He remove his hand that was holding me and massaged his temple. Mukang siyang problemado na hindi ko malaman.
At hindi ko gustong malaman pa.

“Say it. Marami akong aasikasuhin—”

“Don’t mind the bills and the papers, Wife. I already asked my secretary to take care of it. You need to rest.” He command the last part in his soft voice, the care and worriness was palpable.  And I hate how my heart reacts to it.

My forehead creased because who the fuck gave him the permission to do it. I know he only wanted to help me but now, I don’t need the help.

“What the fuck did you do?!” I asked completely irritated.

“Your mouth, Wife. And please don’t shout.” He warned me.

Humakbang ako ng ilang beses at tinitigan siya. Alam ko na kakailangan ko lahat ng tulong na mayro’n sa mundo lalo pa’t hindi sasapat ang ipon ko para sa magiging burol ni Nanay. Pero hindi ko kayang masikmura ang tulong na mag gagaling sa kaniya. I am furious, deeply disgusted by how he played me so well. How he hid everything from me, yet treated me like he wasn’t hiding a damn thing.

“No! Hindi mo ko pwedeng sawayin.” I said in gritted teeth. “Hindi ko hiningi ang tulong na ‘yon dahil kaya ko.”

Tumango siya bago mariing pumikit na para bang nagtitimpi lang sa akin.

“Alam ko, pero gusto ko lang naman na mapadali ka at makapagpahinga kalang.”

“You don’t get to choose what’s best for me! At bakit ka ba nandito? Diba nawawala si Sander, nawawala ang anak mo! Bakit nandito ka imbis na inuuna mong hanapin ang anak mo.”

He tries to reach me but I step backward, blocking his chance.

“Wife, calm down please. My men already found him, he was fine. It fact, Sander tried to escape just to your place… He said he misses you.”

Nawala bigla ang galit ko dahil sa kaniyang sinabi at para akong biglang binaril ng konsensya ko. Sinubukan niyang tumakas para lang puntahan ako? Ang bata bata niya pa para bumayhe mag-isa.

My voice stuck in my throat, unabling to talk. The irritation that I was feeling earlier was swiftly washed away when I heard the young boy’s name.

“What? Why? Bakit niya kailangan tumakas? Pwede naman niya sabihan ang bantay na binigay mo para sakaniya ah?” I curiously asked.

Mas lumambot ang mata ni Seth na ngayon ay sinamahan na ng pagmamahal at paghanga.

“He tried to, Wife. But Maurice was blocking my men from doing it. She even threatened my men that she’ll hide my son from me. Kaya kahit anong kagustohan ko at ng mga tauhan ko ay hindi ko magawa.” He reasoned out.

May biglang pait at inis ang kumalat sa kalooban ko. Paano niya nakakayang maging malupit sa anak niya? Alam kong hindi niya ako gusto, it was all obvious every time we fetched her son from their house. Maybe she feels something towards me, as she saw his son getting attached to me. Hindi sa pagiging feelingera pero ramdam na ramda ko iyon. And I understand her for it, but how could she be cruel to his son?

“O-Okay ba si Sander? Sa’n raw siya nahanap?” Tnaong ko at tuluyan ng nakalimutan ang alitan at ang mga bagay na naiisip.

“He’s fine. Sabi ng mga tauhan ko nasa bahay na raw nila kaso panay ang iyak.”

“Dapat pinuntahan mo muna! Hindi ‘yung nandito ka.”

“I can’t while you are in this kind of situation, Wife!” He growled. His eyes looked at me pleadingly, as if he was asking me about something.

Kumalabog ang dibdib ko sa hindi ko malaman na dahilan. I don’t know if it’s because of his sudden change of voice or because of his sudden burst out.

“Seth, kaya ko. Gusto kong unahin mo ang anak mo.”

“Sander is fine,”

“I’m fine too,” Sagot ko at sinumulan ulit maglakad.

Nakakahiya! Tumataas na ang boses niya tapos may mga tao pang dumadaan na maaaring makarinig sa kaniya. Hindi pa nakakatulong na parang tumutumba ang pader na binuo ko.

“No, Wife. You’re not, and please I can wait. I can give all the time that you need but please just… Don’t push me away!”

Namilog ang aking mata dahil sa narinig habang tila kinurot ang aking puso sa rahan at kadesperado niya iyong sinabi.

Slowly, I turned my body to face him. His face was twisted in pain, his eyes flickering with emotions I had never seen before. He looked completely miserable as he spoke each word sounding like a desperate plea.

Alam ko sa sarili kong hindi ko pa kayang mapagusapan ulit ito pero alam ko rin na mapapasok at mapapasok niya iyon ngayon.

I let out a deep sigh, trying to stop myself from answering back. I shut my eyes tightly. The exhaustion I thought had already passed came rushing back clearer, heavier. I could feel the weight pressing down on me, the numbness spreading through every inch of my body. Every part of me felt like it could give out at any moment.

“Alam mo, Seth. Umuwi ka na muna, hindi ko pa kayang pag-usapan ‘to—”

“No, please. I can wait, I can give you whatever you want just please… Don’t break up with me, I’m begging.”

Ramdam ko ang pag-init ng bunbunan ko hanggang maging buong ulo ko. Hindi niya ba maramdaman na ayaw ko at hindi ko kayang pag-usapan pa ang lahat ng tungkol sa amin dalawa.

“I don’t want to talk about our damn relationship. For fucking sake! Nanay just passed away and all I want was peace!”

Lumunok siya at tila nabigla sa pagiging mataas ng boses ko. Naluluha na rin ang mukha niya at hindi pa nakakatulong ang nararamdaman ko.

Nasasaktan ako sa nakikita ko.

“Leave me alone, please. Kahit hanggang malibing lang si Nanay.” Pakiusap ko.

“I’ll stay with you, Wife. If you want I’ll shut my mouth, I will not talk just let me stay by your side.” He pleaded.

I sighed. Hindi ata magpapatalo ‘to!

“I know I’ve hurt you. I broke your trust, and I take full responsibility for that. But please… let me make it right. I’m not asking you to forget… just to give me a chance to prove that I can change. That I can be honest with you, truly. I’m sorry… and if I have to earn your forgiveness piece by piece, I will. Just… please don’t shut me out.”

Chapter 40

CHAPTER 40

Motherless

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko. Seth’s words somehow soothed the pain inside me. I couldn’t even utter any words to say or rebut to his words. Nakatulala lang ako sa kaniya habang ang dibdib ko ay tumatambol ng sobrang lakas.

I had already decided to end our relationship. I needed to separate from him, not because I stopped loving him, but because I still did. My love for him was gentle, pure, and honest. But his… his love was built on obsession, deception, and secrecy. Hindi ko sinasabing hindi niya ako minahal pero kung ganito ang pamamaraan niya ng pagmamahal—ang magtago at maglibing ng mga katotohanan ay hindi ‘yon ang gusto ko. Even without hearing his explanation about why he had my things, it was already enough. He was obsessed with me, and that alone said everything.

Seth closed our distance when I wasn’t able to say anything back. He gently held both of my elbows as if I were the most fragile thing he had ever touched. The warmth of his skin sent shivers down my spine.

He crouched a bit, leveling his head with mine. “I’m so sorry for lying, for hiding things from you. But please wife, don’t break up with me. I love you so much,” He whispered, voice thick with plea.

Napatitig nalang ako sa kaniya, sa gwapo niya mukha. I don’t know how or where we went wrong to end up in a situation like this. I loved him. I fell for the man behind the title. I saw his goodness, his dedication as Mayor, and the vulnerable sides of him that the public never saw. But now I realized… those pieces were just fragments, small, carefully chosen parts. And somewhere in the puzzle, there was darkness.

Hindi na ako kumibo o tumutol sa gusto niya dahil ang mahalaga lang sa akin ngayon ay ang maayos ang mga dapat gawin sa burol at sa magiging libing ni Nanay. Sa bahay namin sa Del Prusada siya ibuburol for a whole week. My siblings also spread the news of our Nanay’s passing to the relatives.

Yung mga kapatid ni Nanay ay agad agad naman na pumunta sa bahay. The whole streets were shocked too because of how fast the cancer took her life.

Si Seth ay tahimik lang na tumutulong, tinupad niya ang sinabi niya na mananahimik siya. Kikibo lang siya kpg nagpapaalam sa akin o kaya naman ay kinakumusta ako…

“Nakikiramay kami, Riz.” Sabi ng isa sa mga malalapit na kaibigan ni Nanay. May inilabas siyang sobre na sobrang kapal at inabot iyon sa akin.

My eyes fell to the envelope in her hand. I could tell it was filled with money,. Napakunot ang noo ko sa pagtataka kung saan niya iyon nakuha.

“Heto ang abuloy ko at ng mga kasamahan namin dati… Sana makatulong ito.” Aniya habang nakatingin sa akin ang mga matang malungkot at may pagsisimpatya sa nangyari.

I nodded my head slowly. Dahan dahan kong inabot at kinuha ang sobre.

“Maraming salamat po.”

“Alam kong mahirap ito lalo pa’t mga bata pa ang kapatid mo, pero maging malakas ka lang at tibayan mo ang loob mo… Makakayanan niyo ito.” Aniya pa.

Tumango ulit ako habang may tipid ng ngiti sa labi. Hindi ko na matandaan kung saan ko siya nakita na kasama si Nanay. She just introduced herself as one of Nanay’s dearest friend. Ni hindi ko rin siya makukaan kahit anong pilit ko.

“Opo, maraming salamat po. Ate?”

“Ah… Yeline na lang. Nanay Yeline nalang ang itawag mo.”

“Okay po, maraming salamat po, Nanay Yeline.” Pagpapasalamat ko.

She smiled at me sweetly as she spread her hands, offering for a hug.

“Pwede ba kitang mayakap?” Tanong nito sa akin habang malungkot akong tinitignan.

I suddenly think about her expression. What were those eyes are for? That sadness in them is for what? Was it because we’re now motherless or was it something else… Something deep?

Tumango ako at dahan-dahan sinalo ang yakap niya. I felt calm because of her warmth, It was like a mother’s hug, comforting her child when they’re sad. It felt like her way of gently telling me something…

Nang kumalas kami, nakita ko ang pagtulo ng luha sa kaniyang mata na siyang mabilis niyang inalis. She smiled at me, but this time it was happy and contented.

“Sana kung ano man ang kasalanan ng Nanay mo sayo, kung ano man ang nagawa niya ay sana mapatawad mo siya.” She said that made my eyes grow a bit. My mind were now flowing with so many questions because of what she said.

We have never seen her with Nanay and yet she said those things as if she knew something about me—anout us… Between Nanay and me. And her eyes have never been so happy ever since she got here. I don’t me to be rude or cross the line but ever since I learned the truth myself… It’s hard not to feel suspicious about her.

“A-Ano pong ibig niyong sabihin?” Hindi ko na napigilan pa.

She shook her head and smiled at me, it was now empty—a rejection. Kung kanina ay parang nagkakaroon pa ako ng reaksyon sa mga pagngiti niya, ngayon parang nawala na lahat.

“Mas mabuting hindi mo na malaman, Anak… She did what she thought was the right thing to protect you… And for that, I hope you forgive her.”

Napaawang ang bibig ko sa kaniyang sinabi. And now, I’m sure she knew something… May alam siya sa ginawa ni Nanay na pagnakaw sa akin!

“Teka… May alam po kayo!” It was not a question.

Tipid lang siyang ngumiti at napatingin sa akin likuran kaya napalingon rin ako do’n. Nakatayo sa labas ng gate namin si Seth, matalim na nakatingin sa kausap ko na tila may pinapahiwatig. My jaw clenched as I looked at him with curiosity.

“Sige na, Anak. Ako’y mauuna na, dumaan lang talaga ako dito dahil pinapabiga—dahil ibibigay ko ang abuloy namin.” Aniya na siyang nagpabalik ng aking tingin sa kaniya.

Ngumiti naman ako at tumango. Hinawakan ko rin ang nanlalamig na kmay niya ngayon. “Maraming salamat po ulit, malaking tulong na po ito.”

“Lakasan mo ang loob mo at… Magpatawad.” Saad niya bago akong ngitian at maglakad pabalik sa itim na van na kaniyang sinasakyan.

Pinanood ko lamang siyang makasakay sa van hanggang sa makaalis iyon sa aking paningin. Naramdaman ko ang pagdapo ng isang magaspang at malaking kamay sa aking baywang.

“Who is she?” He asked lowly.

I glance at him before turning my body and walking back inside the house. “Kaibigan ni Nanay… Daw.” Sagot ko.

“She’s with them, Wife…” He said that made me stop in my tracks. Napaharap ako sa kaniya habang may pagtataka sa aking mukha.

What?

“Anong ibig mong sabihin?”

“She’s with Nanay when you were taken from your parents… Didn’t you see her in that video?” He said as if it was something so simple and casual for us to have a conversation about.

Napalingalinga ako at tiningnan kung nasa paligid ba ang mga kapatid ko at si Tatay. Nang masigurado ay tinungo ko ang ulo ko para senyasan siya na sumunod sa akin.

He sighed as his shoulder loosened. He nodded as he surrendered.

Naglakad na ako papunta sa sasakyan niya at nararamdaman kong nakasunod siya sa akin. Huminto ako nang nasa pinto na ako ng shotgun seat.

“Buksan mo,” Utos ko habang hindi tumitingin sa akin.

Sa gilid ng aking mata kita ko ang pagtitig niya sa akin bago tumango-tango at pindutin ang susi pra bumukas ang lock ng pinto.

Mabilis akong pumasok sa loob at pinanood siyang umikot papunta sa driver seat. Luminga-linga pa siya bago sumilid papasok.

Nang makapasok siya ay binuksan niya ang makina para sa aircon ng sasakyan. Heavily tinted ang sasakyan niya kaya walang makakakita sa amin.

Umayos ako ng upo at humalukipkip na tumingin ng diretso sa labas. Hindi ko siya kayang matitigan ng matagal dahil pakiramdam ko ay mabubuwala lahat ng pagtitiis at pagiging matapang ko.

“Tell me everything…” I started.

Ramdam kong nakatitig siya sa akin, ang bulto niya ay halos sumasakop na sa gilid ng aking kata kaya kitang kita ko kung ano ang pwesto niya.

Bumuntong hininga siya ulit.

“W-Wife… Maybe we can talk about this some other time—”

“No! You tell me now!”

“Wife…” Malumanay niyang sabi. Napabaling ang tingin ko sa kaniya, sumalubong sa akin ang tila hinang hina niyang ekspresyon sa mukha, malumanay at halos namumungay sa hina ang kaniyang mata.

What’s the point of saying that if he didn’t even want to talk about it! Para saan pa?

“Naumpisahan mo na ako, Seth. Bakit hindi mo pa sabihin sa akin lahat…”

“Wife, I will tell you everything but I think this is not the right time.”

Umiling ako. “Hindi, I think this is the right time. Tell me,” I commanded.

Napatitig siya sa aking mata na parang tinitimbang kung gaano katatag at pirmi ang aking pagiging kuryoso at desisyon.

“Please, let’s talk about this after—”

“Who is she? Alam ko na pangalan niya ay Yeline. Ano ang nalalaman mo?” Singit ko ulit.

Napalunok siya at tila kinakabahan sa aking pagputol sa kaniyang pagtutol. My mind was so eager now to know all about the reason as to why I need to be separated from my real family. Now that I knew that the one who took me away from the NICU was the woman who raised me. I don’t think I will just stop there and do nothing.

“Sino siya at ano ang kinalaman niya sa pagnanakaw sa sanggol na ako?” Tanong ko ulit sa pilit na kalmadong paraan.

My heartbeat was rapidly fast inside my chest as my curiosity swallowed my mind.

“She’s your Nanay’s bestfriend… From what my investigation is that she and Nanay was paid to steal a newborn baby. Dahil sa hirap ng buhay at sa wala rin matinong trabaho noon ay napilitan silang kunin ang offer.” Pag-amin niya. Nanlaki ang aking mata sa nalaman at bumigat ang aking paghinga.

May kirot sa dibdib ang aking naramdaman habang pinapakinggan sa kaniya.

“From what my investigators gathered, they were hired only to steal you and dump you outside the church. But Nanay took you away and hid you so well from your biological parents and from the person who ordered them…” Pagpapatuloy niya. Tila pinipiga ang puso ko sa nalalaman.

Inutusan at binayaran si Nanay na nakawin ako at iwan sa harap ng simbahan… So Nanay didn’t have any connection from my real parents… Wala siyang ibang mutibo kundi ang sundin ang pinaguutos…

Akala ko may galit o hinanakit siya sa mga Del Fuego kaya niya nagawa iyon… Pero dahil sa nakaman ay may parang nawalang bigat sa aking dibdibz

“But why?”

He shook his head which made my shoulder squared. “I… I don’t know… But I think… Maybe Nanay felt guilty about leaving you at the church doorstep, so she chose to hide the truth and raise you as if you were her own.”

Siguro nga… Pero kahit ganun ang kaniyang ginawa ay mali pa rin ang pagnanakaw ng kanilang ginawa… Kahit pa kapalit no’n ay pera… Ganun pa man nagpapasalamat pa rin akong lumaki ng maayos.

“Do you know the person behind it?” Tanong ko.

Umiling siya ulit kaya mas lalong bumagsak ang pag-asa. “Until now we don’t have any leads about who ordered and paid them to take you. Pero hindi ako tumitigil dahil gusto ko rin malaman kung bakit at ano ang rason…”

Tila napukaw ang aking atensyon sa kaniyang huling sinabi mula sa mga katanungan na bumabalot sa utak ko. Bakit niya gustong malaman? Para saan? Dahil ba gusto niyang masigurado na hindi ang pamilya niya ang may pakana?

I know that Tito Seb and Tita Milda might not be the person behind it but… He said that my biological family was their family’s political rival. Kaya hindi ko maiwasan na maisip iyon sa kanila.

“Bakit gusto mong malaman? Dahil ba na baka pamilya mo ang nag-utos, natatakot ka na baka pamilya mo ang pasimuno nito.” I accused.

Mabilis siyang umiling. “No! What the fuck, Wife. I know that my family was not pure and clean, but I’m one hundred sure that it was not them. Tito Syrius and my other uncle were no longer connected and into politics…” He explained and defended. Kalmado niya lang sinabi ang kaniyang paliwanag at puno ng kasiguraduhan iyon.

Now, I felt guilty because I accused him and his family of the crime. Alam ko naman na mabait sina Tito Seb, pero hindi ko naman rin kilala ang iba niya pang kamag-anak kaya…

“I’ll be honest… The reason why I have myself involved in this investigation was because of your brother… Damian. He was my college bestfriend and best buddy. Alam namin ang pagiging magkalaban ng pamilya namin pero hindi iyon naging dahilan para hindi kami magkasundo sa mga bagay.”

What? My brother… The Vice Mayor, Damian Del Fuego was his bestfriend and the reason why he had to investigate. Pero bakit? Ganun ba talaga ako kahirao mahanap para humingi ng tulong si… Kuya sa kaniya.

Oh geez! Now it felt so weird to call him Kuya!

“W-What!”

He nodded as he reach for my hand. I let him cause my mind was flying from the information that he was spreading between us.

“He only have one lead, and it was that woman. Yeline Orpaza, Nanay’s dearest friend. Siya lang ang nakuhaan noon ng litrato sa hospital kung saan ka pinanganak. And your brother had a hard time to get the investigation further as that woman was too fucking hard to find.” He gently squeezed my hand before bringing it to his lips. Napatigtig ako sa kaniyang ginawa at malakas na tumambol ang puso ko.

He looked at me with so much affection and care, the way his eyes bore at me was like digging me again the first and breaking the walls I built around me.

“Please, Wife. Let’s talk about this again some other time… ‘Yun lang muna dahil ayokong masyado kang mag-isip isip pa. I know you are mourning for her and I-I know how it feels to lose someone forever. It hurts and taste like shit.”

Gusto kong umangal at mas tanungin pa siya pero dahil sa rahan at pagmamakaawa na bumabalatay sa kaniyang mukha at boses ay parang may nagbara at pumigio sa aking gawin iyon. Nanatitili lang akong nakatingin sa kaniya at nakatitig habang pinapatakan ng halik ang aking kamay na para bang do’n nakasalalay ang kaniyang bubay.

Maybe if I didn’t know he had an obsession with me, I would’ve actually felt giddy about what he was doing. But because of it, I feel my stomach churning.

Wala nang naging ibang usapan pa tungkol do’n dahil hindi ko na mapiga pa si Seth sa lahat. Kaya sa huli ay sumuko na ako at hinayaan nalang siya. Baka siguro tumupad siya na pagkatapos ng paglalamay kay Nanay at umayos na ang lahat ay sasabihin na niya lahat lahat sa akin. And maybe, I could finally talk to him about my decision.

Bumalik rin kami sa bahay ilang minuto matapos manatili sa sasakyan. Kinagabihan ay nagluto ako ng sopas para sa mga naglalamay at sa mga nagsusugal sa labas. Hinayaan ko na rin na tumulong si Seth dahil hindi ko siya magawang makausap nang hindi tungkol sa katotohan ng aking pagkatao. Nakakaramdam pa rin ako ng galit sa kaniya, kahit pa alam kong sa kabila ng galit ko, pagmamahal pa rin talaga para sa kaniya ang naiimbak sa puso ko.

Swabe lang siyang kumikilos at humaharap sa mga pumupunta para makiramay kahit pa ang iilan do’n ay nakikilala siya at minsan ay nagtatanong sa kung bakit siya nandito.

Madaling araw nang magpaalam siya samin nina Tatay na uuwi raw muna siya sa San Fuego dahil may emergency. Tumango nalang ako at sila ni Tatay ang nag-usap.

The next day he brought Sander again with him, and the boy swiftly ran to me and hugged me by my legs. Masaya ako na makita siyang muli kahit pa tutol ako na dinala siya ni Seth dito.

He cried and told me all sorts of bad things. I honestly didn’t expect that Maurice could do something bad to his son. I don’t know how she can stomach hurting her son just because of a child’s silliness.

“Mama Riz, Ayaw ko na po umuwi sa bahay. D-Dito nalang ako po sa inyo…” Pagtangis niya sa akin habang karga karga ko siya.

“Shhh, it’s okay baby. Mama Riz and your Daddy will not let anyone hurt you… Walang mananakita sa’yo dito.” Pag-alu ko sa bata habang hinihimas ang namamawis niyang likod.

He cried even more when he heard what I said. He buries his head in the crook of my neck even more.

“I hate my Mommy! She’s not my Mommy! Mommy should love me and will never hurt me, but she hurt me! Mama Riz, she hurt me!” Pagsumbong niya.

Nakatingin na sa amin ang mga nakikilamay dahil sa sinasabi ng bata. Some of them were looking at me with puzzled expressions on their faces. Marahil ay nagulat o nagtataka sa sinabi ng bata o baka dahil sa kung paano ako nito tinawag.

“Tahan na, Baby. Walang mananakit sayo dito, wala baby.”

I heard the car door bang, a sign that someone stepped out of the car. It was Seth, he was wearing a black shirt and grey pants. Bitbit niya ang bag na sa tingin ko ay gamit ng bata. His eyes met mine as he walked towards us. May pagod, lungkot, at iba pa akong nakikita sa kaniyang mata. Parang may pinagdadaanan siya na hindi ko alam! Hindi rin naman ako nagtatanong dahil hanggang ngayon ay may galit pa rin ako sa kaniya, hindi rin kami naguusap pa.

Seth stood behind his son, gently caressing the boy’s back—a small gesture meant to reassure him that he was there, offering comfort. Slowly, I looked at him, and the expression that met my eyes was dark and unreadable. His jaw was clenched, and his eyes flickered with an emotion I couldn’t quite read.

“I don’t want to go home po, Mama Riz. Please! Dito nalang po ako. Sainyo nalang po ako… Magiging good boy po ako.” Saad niya pa.

Maaaring malalim ang pinanggagaling ng bata at baka mayro’n pang ibang dahilan kung bakit ganito nalang umaayaw si Sander na umuwi sa kanila. Alam kong gagawa at gagawa si Seth ng hakbang para malaman ang lahat at may parte sa akin na gusto kong tumulong. Napalapit na sa akin si Sander, at aaminin ko na napapamahal na siya sa akin. Hindi man kasing lalim ng pagmamahal ng isang tunay na magulang pero alam kong mahal ko ang bata.

I know that he feels bad about his son, and what were the things that Sander was telling us. Matagal ko na rin gustong kausapin siya tungkol dito pero lagi lang talaga nahaharangan ng mga kaganapan.

“Seth, Ipasok muna natin si Sander sa loob ng makapagpahinga, pwede naman siya do’n sa taas sa hinigaan niya dati.” Ani ko sa lalaki.

Mabilis na napunta sa akin ang mga mata niya, and just like a thunder, his expression instantly changed into soft and gentle.

He nodded. “Yes, Wife. Samahan mo kami sa taas.” Aniya at sinubukan kunin si Sander sa akin ngunit mas humigpit lang ang yakap ng bata habang umiiling. He was still sobbing lowly on my neck.

Wala nang nagawa pa si Seth at hinayaan na lang ako ang kumarga pa akyat sa taas. Binilinan ko muna sila Ramon at Dante na nasa labas na alalayan muna ang mga nakikilamay at si Tatay bago ako umakyat.

I know that… Maybe I have no rights to ask him about his plan for his son but there’s this eagerness in me that pushes me to do it. The things that we learned from him are no joke! Sander shouldn’t experience those things especially under his mother’s care.

Pagpasok namin sa loob ay naabutan namin si Tatay na nakatitig sa kabaon ni Nanay. Partikular siyang nakatingin sa mukha ni Nanay.

He shifted his body and faced us as he look at the boy who was hugging me tightly.

“Oh! Nandito pala itong napakagwapong batang ‘to. Ano ang iniiyak niyan? Anong gusto?” Tanong ni Tatay na mabilis na dinaluhan at sinilip si Sander mula sa aking likod.

Sa kabil ng mga ngiti ni Tatay ay alam kong may sakit at pighati ang nakakubli, na alam ko rin na hindi basta bastang mawawala.

“He was crying, Tatay. He wanted Riz all for himself.” Pagbibiro ni Seth na kinatawa ni Tatay.

“Naku! Mukhang may kaagaw na si Mayor sa dalaga ko!” Segunda naman ni Tatay.

Napangisi nalang ako habang umiiling na pinapakinggan si Tatay. Umungot si Sander at mas lalong nagtago sa aking leeg, mas lalo naman humalakhak ang dalawa.

“Huwag niyo na nga po asarin baka mas lalo pang umiyak, tumatahan na nga eh. Si Tatay naman po kasi!”

Tumawa naman ulit si Tatay bago sinulyapan si Seth. Ngumisi lang ang lalaki habang panaka-nakang tinitingnan ang anak.

“Pasensya na, apo. Sige na sayo na yan si Riz, hahanap nalang si Mayor ng iba.”

“Tay!”

“Oo na, sige na umakyat na kayo sa taas.”

Tumango lang si Seth habang natatawa tawa pa rin. Kung makatawa akala mo talaga! Ngumiti nalang ako kay Tatay bago nagumpisang maglakad patungo sa hagdan upang umakyat sa taas.

Chapter 41

CHAPTER 41

A/N: Drafting TMO chapter 41 reminds me that there are only 10 chapters left before this story ends. And now, it feels like I need to let go of something too close to my heart. The story that was created when I was breaking down while in front of my mother’s coffin… When the world fell above me, and the reality shattered me wholly… The same woman who accepts and loves me unconditionally, despite every flaw I have, despite being her only son who turns out to be her younger daughter.

I am writing this to thank those readers who have been continuously reading this story despite the plot holes, grammar lapses, and even my writing style which might not fit the standard. I know this is too early but I feel like I really need to say it…

After TMO, see you guys on Aenys and Raziel Story.

—————————————————————————

Longsleeve

“You should sleep na, Baby. No one will hurt you here.” I said softly to Sander as I tapped his legs gently. Nakahiga siya sa kutson na nakalatag sa lapag namin habang nakatutok sa kaniya ang dalawang electric fan.

Sander stared at me with his sleepy eyes, as if he was scared of closing them and letting himself fall asleep because of something that might happen.

I felt Seth’s presence behind me, standing tall and towering over me. He was looking down at his son, checking him to his sleep.

Sander puckered his lips which made him look so cute yet so handsome for his age. He was like trying to deny what I said but his eyes were betraying him.

“Son, sleep. When you wake up, your Mama Riz will still be here.” Seth said firmly, his voice tinged with strong yet soft command for his son.

Sander’s sleepy eyes flickered to him, looking up at his father, as if he was thinking whether his father was telling the truth.

“I think Mama Riz wants to sleep too… I can share this bed with her po, Daddy.” Aniya na siyang kinatawa ko ng mahina.

I felt a slight movement behind. Seth’s perfume hovered over me, washing through my nose.

“Son, Mama Riz still has to attend to the visitors. Maybe she’ll sleep after that, you go to sleep na.”

Napapapikit na talaga si Sander ngunit dahil sa sinabi ng Daddy niya ay may kung anong bumuhay sa diwa niyang lumaban. His eyes grew wider, and it was obvious that he was doing it on purpose to fake his sleepiness.

“No!” He puckered more. “I will sleep if Mama Riz sleeps here.” He said, sounds like a bargain yet a command.

I heard Seth ‘tsk’ towards his son. Napabaling ako sa kaniya—dinudungaw siya mula sa aking likuran. Napatingin rin siya sa akin at kahit anong pilit niyang itago ay alam kong may mga emosyon na bumabagabag sa kaniyang kalooban.

I widened my eyes at him, signaling him not to fight his son, to trigger him more. It was obvious that his son was competing with him, and yet this man was taking the challenge. Hindi ko alam kung normal ba ito sa mag-ama pero hindi naman niya ako totoong asawa at hindi ako totoong Nanay ni Sander para maranasan ko ito mula sa kanila—Yet it felt so happy.

“Sander—”

“Seth, H’wag na. Makikipagtalo ka pa sa anak mo.” I whispered which made him shift on his weight. Surrendering himself.

Akala ko papalag pa eh, tila ka naman bata niyan. Hindi naman ako mawawala para pag-agawan ninyong mag-ama. Napangisi ako sa naisip bago ibaling ang tingin sa bata.

I smiled at him as I was now brushing his wet healthy hair. Mas lalong bumabagsak ang mata niya dahil sa aking ginagawa na para bang nakikiliti at napapakalma no’n ang kaniyang nararamdaman.

“Mama Riz, tabi po ikaw sakin. Tulog po tayo, pwease.” sambit niya. Hinawakan niya rin ang kamay ko at pawang hinihila pahiga, para mapatabi sa kaniya.

Napangiti naman ako. It was his little gesture, yet it had a big impact on my heart. It makes my heart beat fast while feeling the warmth embracing it.

“Okay, sige. Mag sleep rin ako.” Sabi ko na ikinangiting malawak ni Sander.

Inayos ko muna ang espasyo sa gilid niya bago ako hihiga. Mukha hindi rin naman makikinig ‘tong bata dahil mas uunahan niya pa ang pagiging competitive niya sa daddy niya. Hihiga lang ako at kung makatulog man, okay lang pero kung hindi ay huhintayin ko nalang na makatulog ‘to.

Akmang hihiga na ako ay biglang may humawak sa aking braso. I looked at Seth who was looking at me intently with his soft and gentle eyes. May kung anong kumikinang sa kaniyang mata.

“What?” I asked, raising a brow at him.

He pouted his lips as his eyes couldn’t look at me longer as if he wanted to say something but he couldn’t.

Tinitigan ko siya at binabasa ang kaniyang ekspresyon. His eyes couldn’t land on mine, rather they were looking everywhere just to avoid my gaze. Pero dahil sa simpleng galaw niya na ganito ay alam ko kung ano ang gusto niyang sabihin.

Nagseselos siya sa anak niya dahil tatabi ako matulog. Well, it’s been what? A week since the last time that we shared the same bed and skin. Kaya ganito nalang siguro ang pagseselos niya na kahit anak niya ay talagang hindi magiging ligtas.

I wiggled my hand that was in his hold. Napatingin siya sa akin ngunit mabilis din nag-iwas ng tingin.

I bit the side of my cheek to stop myself from laughing. Hindi ko maiwasan matawa dahil sa itsura niya, na kahit alam kong hindi kami maayos ay ganito pa rin ang epekto niya sa akin.

He looks adorable with that expression. His reddish lips are puckered, and his lazy eyes that didn’t want to look at me yet he couldn’t let go of my hand.

I heaved a sigh to release the laugh from my throat.

“What is it, Seth?” I asked again but he didn’t answer or even look at me.

I stifled the smile on my lips as I looked at him with anticipation. He didn’t even glance at me as he puckered his lips more.

Umirap ako para pagtakpan ang halakhak na gustong kumawala sa aking bibig. Jusko! Kung alam ko lang na dalawang bata pala ang magiging ma-clingy sa akin sana pala hindi nalang ako ng guro kundi nag nursing or child care nalang ang kinuha ko.

“Bitaw na kung hindi ka magsasalita at mananatili kang parang bata diyan na nagtatampo. Tatabihan ko na ‘tong si Sander.” Saad ko nang hindi pa rin siya nagsasalita.

He side-eyed me while his lips were still pouted. I raised a brow at him, challenging him to speak.

Kita ko ang paglunok niya dahil sa pag galaw ng adams apple niya bago ko napansin ang pamumula ng kaniyang leeg.

“C-Can I lie down next to you?” He said in his low voice, It sounds like he was shy because of how his face couldn’t even look at me straightly.

Sabi na! Seryoso ba ‘tong, Mayor na ‘to? Ang laki laking tao pero napaka-alipin ng pagseselos!

Bahagyang siyang umupo at para pawang lumebel sa akin. He then glanced at his son who was now snuggling beside me. Mas lalong naglambot sa selos ang mata niya bago ito ituon sa akin.

Mas ngumuso siya kaya hindi ko na napigilan at napahalakhak na ako.

“Are you being serious right now, Mr. Mayor?” I asked tauntingly.

“W-Wife,” Maamo niyang sabi, may bakas nagsusumamo ro’n.

“Papatulugin ko lang ang anak mo kaya bakit ka pa tatabi?” Natatawa kong sabi.

He tilted his head and looked at me unbelievably. “Why? Am I not still allowed to?” He asked like a kid who was in plea.

Talaga naman!

“Ano ba sa tingin mo? Porque ba hinahayaan kita na umaligid at sumusunod sunod sa akin ay akala mo na maayos na tayo?”

He shook his head. “No! I know that we are still not okay, that’s why I was patiently waiting here and letting you handle Nanay’s wake first. Alam kong marami pa tayong pag uusapan.” He fired lowly, it was tingling with caution and care.

My heart raced a bit. Namilog ang mata ko dahil sa aking narinig, mabilis ko rin iniwas iyon at tinuon kay Sander na nakasiksik na sa akin habang mahigpit ang pagkakayakap sa akin. I didn’t expect him to be this blatant, I know that he was waiting for the time or for me to be ready for the talk about our relationship. Pero hindi ko inaasahan na isasaboses niya iyon kaagad.

Gosh! Riz, kaya ka nga rin nainlove sa lalaking ‘yan dahil sa pagiging transparent at straightforward niya.

“Wife, I know that I shouldn’t say a word about it since…” natigil siya at di tinuloy ang dapat sasabihin.  Hindi ko siya nilingon at nanatiling tinuon ang tingin kay Sander. “I’ll wait, Wife. Maghihintay lang ako hanggang sa handa kana makipagusap tungkol sa… But now, please let me lie down beside you. I just missed you so much… I missed your skin on mine… You… I missed you!” He said under his breath, achingly.

My heart was pounding hard inside my chest. May kung ano akong kirot na nararamdaman. At alam ko na kung magtutuloy tuloy ang aming pinaguusapan ay bibigay na ako at tuluyang ilalapag ang desisyon ko para sa aming relasyon.

Hindi ako sumagot at umusog nalang. Nagpapaubaya sa kaniya. He immediately lay down beside me and hugged me. Nagsitaasan ang balahibo ko sa batok hanggang sa buong katawan ng maramdaman ko ang hininga niya sa aking tainga.

Sobrang laki niyang tao tapos pinagpipilitan niyang isiksik ang sarili niya sa akin. Maliit lang ako kumpara sa kaniya pero ang pamamaraan niya ng pagkakapatong at pagkakayakap sa akin ay magaan at maingat.

“I love you, Wife. I… I miss this…” He said painfully, he tried to make his voice firm but it broke in the end.

I shut my eyes tightly to stop my emotions from surging and taking over me. Ayaw kong magpadala sa emosyon at damdamin ko, at ayoko rin ng dahil do’n ay baka masira ang desisyon na buo na sa akin.

Hindi ako nakatulog sa gitna ng dalawang lalaki na ‘yon samantalang sila ay mahimbing na mahimbing ang pagkakatulog. Gustuhin kong tumayo ngunit masyadong mabigat ang kamay at binti ni Seth na naka-dantay sa akin, samantalang si Sander naman ay naka-kapit sa tela ng aking damit.

Para akong alay sa gitna nilang dalawa, hindi makaalis at parang hindi puwedeng gumalaw. I tried to move, hoping that it would give me enough space to escape from them. Pero bigo ako dahil sa bawat subok kong gumalaw ay parang magigising silang dalawa. Kaya nanatili ako at hindi na nagsalita pa.

“Ate, nandyan sina Mang Pedring. Makikilamay daw tapos susugal na rin.” Si Ramon na may hawak na tray para maghatid ng lugaw sa mga nakikilamay sa labas.

Tulog ang dalawa sa taas at mahimbing na mahimbing. Umalis agad ako nang nakakuha ako ng tyempo nang gumalaw si Seth nag iba ng pwesto. Buti na lamang rin at hindi siya nagising nang dahan-dahan kong tinanggal ang pagkakadantay niya sa akinz

Tumango ako sa kaniya at nagpatuloy mag-salin ng lugaw sa plastic cup. Pangalawant araw na ng lamay ni Nanay. At hanggang ngayon, hindi pa rin pumapasok sa isip ko ang reyalidad na wala na siya. Hindi ko rin kayang tingnan o silipin man lang ang kabaon niya dahil pakiramdam ko ay babagsak lang ako ng iyak.

Madami rin ang nakikilamay, kahit pa pangalawang gabi pa lang ito. Inabit ko kay Bune ang lugaw na nasa tray na may Zest-O juice at mga candy.

“Dalhin mo ‘to sa labas, sa wala pa.” Utos ko sa kaniya na walang ano ano niya namang sinunod.

Nagsalin ako ng lima pang lugaw sa plastic cups para sa mga kulang pa. Alas-tres na ng madaling araw at gising na gising pa rin kami. Si Dante naman ay pinaakyat ko na sa taas at tumabi na lang siya sa gilid ni Sander dahil wala pa siyang naiitutulog.

Nang matapos sa ginagawa ay nagpasya akong lumabas at silipin ang mga nakikilamay. I scanned them and my eyes widened when I saw the man who stalked and followed me for months. The same guy in a black hoodie jacket.

He was standing in the far left corner of the tent. Same outfit but the hoodie had fallen. Tila ako natuod sa kinatatayuan ko habang pinagmamasdan ko siyang nakikihalubilo sa mga nag to-tong-its.

I tried to remember if I, somehow saw him somewhere or even had the chance to interact with him but I remember none. My heart started to pound when I thought of something.

Was he ordered by the same person who paid Nanay to steal me and do something to me? Or he was just here to observe and stalk me like a creep?

Tumitig ako sa kaniya habang nakatayo sa gate ng apartment. Hindi niya pa rin ako napapansin na nakatingin na ako sa kaniya dahil abalang abala pa rin siya sa panonood at nakikihiyaw pa sa mga naglalaro.

Nang mag angat siya at magtagpo ang aming mga mata, hindi man lang siya nagulat at parang inaasahan niya na makikita ko siya do’n. The joy in his eyes quickly turned into a mischievous yet alarming look. He smirked as he stared at me, giving me the same thing. Umayos siya ng tayo at mapaglaro akong tinitigan, hindi natitinag o hindi man lang natatakot.

He shifted his weight as he put both of his hands inside the pockets of his black hoodie. Hindi niya binabawi ang tingin sa akin at tila mas lalo pa akong hinahamon.

My legs wobbled when his eyes slowly darted to my Father who was talking to his friends near where I was standing. Nagiinom si Tatay at ang mga kumpare niya. Napabaling rin ako sa kay Tatay at mabilis na binalik sa kaniya ang tingin. Parang nanghina ang buong katawan ko nang dahan dahan niya ipinalandas at sinensyas ang kanay niya sa kaniyang leeg na parang ginigilitan iyon.

No! No fucking way! I know what he was trying to tell me! He was warning me! Nanuyot ang lalamunan ko dahilan kaya hindi ko magawang magsalita. I badly want to scream just to get all the attention of the people who were here and point at him as my stalker. Pero hindi ko magawa, walang lumalabas sa bibig ko pag sinusubukan kong magsalita.

May dinukot siya sa bulsa niya at nang makita kong may tinipa siya ay alam kong may tinatawagan siya. Even though we have so much distance, I knew and I was able to speechread his lips.

“Boss, success! Kuha na niya ang mensahe.” It was what he said over the phone.

Naluluha lang akong nakatitig sa kaniya habang may kausap sa phone. Gusto ko siyang puntahan at kausapin, tanungin tungkol sa bagay na ‘yon ngunit hindi ko magawa.

“Hindi naman siguro siya gagawa ng hakbang kundi ang Tatay-tatayan at mga kapatid na niya ang susunod.” Aniya na nabasa ko pa.

Buong lakas kong tinulak ang aking sarili upang makawala sa pagkakatuod sa kinatatayuan ko. Nanginginig man ang aking binti ay naglakad na ako sa pinakamabilis na lakad na kaya ko. Ngunit nakakailang hakbang palang ako ay mabilis rin siyang umalis roon at umiskapo habang may kausap pa rin.

Wala na akong nagawa at napatitig nalang habang pinapanood na mawala ang kaniyang imahe sa aking paningin. He was walking fast yet calmly, the reason why the people around us didn’t suspect him. Isa pa madaling araw na kaya wala rin siyang taing makakasalubong.

Ano ba ang kailangan niya? At ano ang ibig sabihin niya ro’n? Na hindi ako gagawa ng hakbang dahil madadamay ang pamilya ko? Ano ba ang gusto niya at ng boss nila sa akin?

Hindi na ako nakatulog o makapagpahinga man lang dahil hindi na rin naalis sa isipan ko ang mga nabasa ko sa bibug niya. Sinubukan ko rin matulog ngunit kahit ipikit ko ang aking mata ay ang lalaki lang na yon at ang kaniyang sinasabi ang biglang lumalabas sa paningin ko. Kaya sa huli hindi na talaga ako nakatulog hanggang sa isa isang umuwi ang mga nakilamay.

Kinabukasan, umaga habang nagaalmusal kami. Biglang tumunog ang aking phone. It was placed beside my plate and it vibrated. Napatingin ako do’n ganun din si Seth na nasa tabi ko. Mula sa pagkakatingin sa akin, kita ko ang unti-unting pagkunot ng kaniyang noo bago idapo ang mga mata sa akin.

Ngumunguya pa at dinampot ko ang phone ko. A message popped up on the screen and it was from an unknown number. Nagtataka kong binuksan ang phone ko upang tingnan kung ano nilalaman ng mensahe. Sino naman kaya ito? Hindi pamilyar ang numero at bago lang rin siyang nagmessage sa akin.

Unknown number: I told you to leave Seth alone! I warned you, yet you didn’t listen. Taste the consequences of your decision and mourn forever.

My heart started to pound hard when the message slowly dawned on me. Napatulala ako sa mensahe at paulit ulit iyong binasa. Siya ba? Siya ba ang may pakana ng lahat? Ang nagtetext sa akin dati pa na lumayo kay Seth, ang nagpipilit na iwanan ko si Seth.

Ano ang ibigsabihin niya na lasahan at harapin ko ang kapalit ng desisyon ko na hindi sundin ang babala niya?

“Wife, who’s that?” I heard Seth ask beside me, voice laced with curiosity and worry.

Hindi ko siya kinibo o sinagot dahil unti unti akong nabablangko sa mga naiisip ko.

09xxxxxxxx: Sino ka? At ano ang kailangan mo?

Nanginginig ang kamay ay sinubukan kong magtipa ng irereply ko at nang matapos ay sinbukan kong isend iyon sa parehong numero ngunit nag-error iyon at hindi napapadala.

I felt Seth shifted on his seat and leaned closer to me. Ramdam ko na ang presendya niya sa aking tabi at khit hindi ko siya lingunin ay alam kong nakadungaw na siya sa phone ko at nababasa ang mensahe.

“Who’s that, wife? Hey…”

Pilit kong nilunok ang bumabarang bikig sa aking lalamunan at paulit ulit sinubukan na isend iyon ngunit katulad kanina, hindi pa rin iyon naipapadala sa hindi ko malaman na dahilan.

Naramdama ko ang paghawak ni Seth sa pala-pulsuhan ko at dahan-dahan inalis ang phone mula sa pagkakahawak ko. Napatingin ako sa kaniya at kita ko ang unti-unting paglukot at pagdilim ng mukha niya habang binabasa ulit ang mensahe. Minaniubra niya ang phone ko at tila nagbabasa ng iba pang mensahe.

Wala na akong naging reaksyon at hinayaan nalamang siya. Pinipilit kong isipin lahat lahat at pagtagpi-tagpiin ngunit wala akong nabubuong konklusyon. Simula sa mga sinabu noong lalaki na yon sa kausap niya hanggang sa mensahe na aking natanggap ngayon.

“Mama Riz, cayn you abot po ‘yung pandasal…” I heard Sander say beside me. Wala sa hulog kong inabot iyon sa kaniya upang makakuha siya.

Bangag at lutang man dahil sa mga naiisip at gumuguli sa isip ko. Napadpad ang tingin ko kay Sander na masaya at sarap na sarap ang pagkain sa aking tabi. Lugaw at pandesal lang ang unagahan namin ngunit sa pamamaraan niya ng pagkain ay prang galing iyon sa pinakamamahalin na restaurant sa mundo.

Nang kumuha siya ng pandesal ay bahagyang umusog ang suot niyang long sleeve hanggang siko. Nanlaki ang mata ko nang makita ang pasa na nasa kaniyang braso na sa tingin ko ay hanggang siko paakyat sa balikat.

Hinawakan ko ang kaniyang kamay at tinitigan ‘yon. Napaigik siya at mabilis na naluha dahil sa aking ginawa. Tila piniga lalo ang puso ko ng mapagtanto na sariwa ang pasa at tila nakaraan lang nangyari.

“A-Ano ‘to, Seth?!”

Chapter 42

CHAPTER 42

PLANNED

“S-Seth… Ano ‘yon? Bakit may ganun siya!? M-May pasa si Sander…” I said in my crackly and alarming voice. I stood in front of him, outside the house, near where he parked his car. Medyo malayo ito sa may tolda at sa bahay, wala rin masyadong tao at mga bata lang ang nasa labas at medyo malayo rin sa amin.

I pulled him out of the house and excused us from everyone to talk to him about Sander. My heart hurt when the bruise on Sander’s arm flashed in my eyes. The boy… That little and sweet boy doesn’t deserve that… He was just a three or I don’t even know anymore—to experience that type of abuse.

Alam ko naman na hindi maganda ang trato sa kaniya ni Maurice, and I thought that it was just in the way of treating and it ends there but I wasn’t expecting that she would reach this far—hurting his own son… Hurting a little innocent boy…

Seth’s expression darkened as he looked away. He straightened his posture and put both of his hands inside his pockets. His jaw clenched, and just by looking at him, I could easily say that he was mad, angry, and frustrated.

I was staring at him, waiting for whatever he was going to say. He stayed in the same position, looking away from me.

After a moment he sighed as he massaged the bridge of his nose.

“Alam ko ang tungkol do’n, Wife. I know that Maurice was abusing my son… And… I couldn’t do anything because Sander doesn’t want me to do anything bad to his mother… I was planning to take custody of my son… Matagal ko na iyon plano pero wala pa akong kungkretong ebidensya nung una pero ngayon na nakita ko lahat… Itutuloy ko na.” He confessed achingly, his eyes were burning red as if anytime soon he would cry his eyes out.

Sander doesn’t want anything bad to happen to his mother… My heart burned in pain. That little smart boy! How could she do that to her smart son?!

Kahit na hindi kami okay, kahit na may galit pa rin ako dahil sa ginawa niya. Hindi ko maiwasan na hindi maawa sa sitwasyon niya. The way he said those things was beyond pain and suffering, it was like hell to him that he let somebody do that to his son. I know that he loves his son beyond measure, beyond life. It was all obvious in the way he looked at him, the way he became soft and vulnerable to his son.

“A-Anong plano mo bukod sa pagkuha ng pangangalaga kay Sander? I know that I shouldn’t interfere but I can’t help… Sander became close to my heart… And seeing him in this situation was breaking me too.”

Seth’s jaw ticked as he pulled away his eyes from me. Nang bumaling sa ibang direksyon na parang nagiisip, malaya kong napagmasdan ang kaniyang mukha. I noticed that his face changed a lot, from the way he looks and the way his skin projects.

Dumami ang mga papatubong bigote sa kaniyang panga at tila naging stress ang kaniyang balat. Sa nagdaan kasi na mga linggo, hindi ko siya kinakausap at kung mag-usap man kami ay saglit lamang at wala akong pagkakataon na tingnan o suriin ang kaniyang mukha.

I suddenly felt guilty because I know that I am one of the causes for it. Pero naisip ko rin na mali ba ang naging reaksyon ko sa mga naganap at nangyari?

He swallowed hard. Inayos niya ulit ang kaniyang pagkakatayo bago ibaling ulit sa akin ang kaniyang tingin. “I’m going to sue her when everything was in the right place… Besides, I still need to find who ordered and paid Nanay and that woman to steal you when you are just a babe… I need to make everything right.”

My words caught in my throat the moment I heard his plan. I wanted to speak, no, I wanted to scream. He needed to focus on his son, on that woman who dared to call herself a mother. She needed to pay for what she did. Every bruise, every tear, every ounce of fear she planted in that boy, she had to answer for all of it. Sander was just a child. Innocent. Fragile. He didn’t deserve even a second of what he went through.

I know I might not have the right to say this. But someone had to. Because if no one else would, I will for him—Sander needs to be kept far, far away from her.

I moved closer and placed a hand on his shoulder, grounding myself. I needed him to know, he didn’t have to bear it all. What mattered most now was his son. That’s where his focus should be.

“Seth, alam kong may plano ka… Na planado mo na ang lahat… But you don’t need to prioritize my case just to make amends for everything that you’ve done to me… We will talk and settle everything between us after all of this… But for now, please, prioritize your son.” I said wholeheartedly.

Alam kong hindi maganda ang nagawa niya, ang kung ano ang mayro’n siya. His dark side shouldn’t define him, nor should it dictate what he’s capable of becoming in the future, that’s what I realized. I believe everyone has the capacity to change, and that includes him… and even Maurice. But change requires action, self-awareness, and most importantly, guidance from professionals when it comes to behavioral or mental health.

Hindi ko rin nakikitang perpekto ako, at hindi ko nasasabi ang bagay na ito dahil perpekto ako! I believe that healing and making things right takes time.. Kaya ko rin naiisip na kailangan mailayo ni Sander kay Maurice para magkaroon siya ng realisasyon sa mga bagay na nagagawa niya, at kaya ko rin kailangan ilayo ang sarili ko kay Seth para malaman niya na hindi maganda ang pagkakaroon ng obsesyon sa isang tao.

“But… I don’t want to lose you, Wife.” He confessed in his broken voice.

But you already did, Seth. The mood between us became heavier the moment he said he didn’t want to lose me. My throat became tighter as if the air itself was against my breathing.

I smiled sadly, showing him that he had already lost me. “You need to prioritize your son over anything, I can handle myself and I will do what I can to find whoever was…behind it all. It’s mine to bear after all… and you have a lot to bear on your shoulder already… May eleksyon ka pang aasikasohin.”

“I plan to revoke my candidacy… I will no longer run for the seat…” He said swiftly, almost cutting me off.

My eyes widened in shock and my jaw dropped. I stared at his eyes, trying to search for any lies or jokes but there were none. My shoulders fell and I felt my heart sink.

What!? Was he being real right now?!

“Wait, what?” I asked, confirming what seems like to be his truth.

He nodded without a second thought, no doubt, and with full grace. “Yeah, I will do that so that I can finally dedicate myself to you and my son… Besides, I think I served enough and I did what was best for San Fuego. Now, it’s your family’s time to finally redeem their long-lost position in Del Fuego.” He smiled sincerely as he proudly uttered those things.

My heart boomed in shock and… excitement but it feels so wrong. Hindi ko alam kung tama ba na ma excite ako nang malaman kong may plano siyang hindi na tatakbo bilang Mayor ulit. Siguro dahil mas magkakaroon siya ng maraming oras para sa anak niya. Na mas matututukan niya iyong ng maayos.

Hindi rin naman puwede na dahil sa akin na ang atensyon niya… Dahil tulad nga ng plano ko, ay makikipaghiwalay ako sa kaniya. I know that he will not agree to my decision but he has no grounds for it. Wala siyang magagawa dahil hindi ko rin hahayaan na mabago iyon.

Tumango ako kalaunan at sumuko sa desisyon niya. Hindi na ako makikipagtalo, hindi na rin ako magsasalita. I think he already made his choice and I think, it was already done. Kaya kahit tumutol ako ay walang magagawa iyon.

Binalot kami ng katahimikan, walang nagbalak magsalita o gumawa man lang ng kahit anong tunog. Tanging ang malalim na paghinga niya ang aking naririnig kasama ng mga huni ng ibon at ang tunog ng hangin na sumasayaw sa mga dahon.

Nakatungo ang aking tingin at nakatitig sa aming mga paa nang maramdaman at makita ko ang paglapit niya sa akin. He used his finger to lift my chin. My eyes immediately caught his, the soft, vulnerable eyes of him. Bakas na bakas ang pagod ro’n at ang panghihina na hindi mo mahahalata sa kaniyang katawan kung hindi mo tititigan ang kaniyang mata.

“The media will soon publish about the news of me planning to revoke and turning my back on politics… I previously held a private interview with a friend of mine who owns one of the biggest entertainment and I already told her about my son, my life, and also about our relationship.” He said under his breath while his eyes slowly dropped to my lips.

Napatitig siya ro’n habang ako ay nakatitig sa kaniyang mga mata. Hind ako makagalaw at tila napako na ang aking mga paa sa lupa kasabay ng mabilis na paghahagupit ng aking puso.

Hindi pa ako nakakaahon sa mga rebelasyon niya at mayro’n na naman siya ulit bago!

“I will do everything just to keep you and my son by my side. Walang kahit sino ang makakapagpabago no’n at hinding hindi ko rin hahayaan na mawala ka o si Sander sa akin.” He announced, his voice tinged with command and confirmation. It was as if he were a god stating an unbreakable rule.

I shook my head slowly as I stepped back, giving us space but his hand quickly wrapped around my waist, keeping me in place.

“I know, Wife.” He nodded, as if he knew what I was thinking. “Alam ko na hindi mo gusto ang desisyon ko pero… Mas gugustuhin kong unahin kayo ni Sander kaysa sa pagtakbo ulit para sa panibagong termino…”

“But you know what will happen if that position were given to someone else who only wants it for themselves, not for the betterment of the people!”

“I know, Wife… Pero alam kong hindi mangyayari ‘yon dahil si Damian naman ang papalit sa akin.”

My eyes squinted, zeroing my focus on him. “What do you mean? You think it was that easy?! The people knew that your families were enemies for the seat!” I growled.

He sighed before closing our distance more. I could feel his skin on my mind, the warmth of it that was surging through our clothes. He then buried his face in the crook of my neck as his breathing brushed my skin.

“Seth…”

“I know that… But please, trust me. This is what I need to do to protect you and Sander. Besides I couldn’t be able to do my work properly knowing that someone was still after you.”

My eyes widened at the last thing that he said. What? Shit! How did he know?!

“S-Seth, p-paano mo nalaman—”

He chuckled mischievously, my skin tingling because of it. “You forgot that your boyfriend was so obsessed with you, yeah? I know that someone was messaging you, and even following you around. I ordered one of our men to do the game of chase, they’ll chase and stalk you, then I stalk and follow them through my men.” He said meaningfully. He pulled himself up and faced me. Nagdidilim at nagtatagis ang bagang niya ngunit sa mga bibig niya ay may mapaglarong ngisi ang bumabalatay.

My throat ran dry as I stared at his darkened yet hot face. Nanlalamig na ang buong katawan ko at kahit anong pilit kong kumalag parang nauubos ang lakas ko sa katawan. Shit! Oo nga pala! Nakalimutan ko nga na may ganitong siyang side. Ang side niya na nakakapangilabot at nakakatakot.

Dumagundong ang pagtibok ng puso ko sa kalabisan ng mga nararamdaman. There’s an unknown fear bursting within me that I couldn’t even pinpoint what it is for!

Nanginginig man ngunit pinilit kong itulak ang katawan niya para lamang bigyan ng space ang pagitan namin. His darkened and deep eyes slowly shifted to my hands that were on his hardened chest. The mischievous smirk on his lips widened.

“I know that you have a plan to leave me, to break up with me. Believe  me, I had someone who tried to do that before but it didn’t work.” He said calmly yet tingling with a firm warning.

Napalunok ako dahil nang pag-angat ng kaniyang mata sa akin, mas lalong dumilim iyon na para bang ano mang oras ay magagawan niya ako ng masama. Tila na nabibingi ang aking tainga dahil sa kalabisang takot at kaba na nararamdaman.

What did he say? He had someone who tried to break up with him? Tried to leave him… Because of what? Because of the same reason as I have! Because of his obsession!

Sinungaling pala siya! He told me that I was his first! The first woman who made him feel everything! Tapos sasabihin niya may ganito?!

Binabawi ko na ang iniisip ko tungkol sa kaniya kanina!

Hindi ko na malaman kung ano ang expression na napapakita ko sa kaniya pero wala na akong pakialam kung ano pa yon. Gusto kong malaman niya na natatakot ako sa kaniya, na nakakatakot siya pag ganito ang lumalabas sa bibig niya.

“But what I told you before was my truth, Wife. You are the very first woman who made me feel these… You were different from her, far different. Well, you’re alive and she’s already dead.” He chuckled at that as if it were some kind of joke to laugh at.

I fucking felt how my blood left my whole fucking face the moment I heard the last part. What the fuck!
Lumawak ang ngisi niya na mas nagpakaba sa akin, hindi ko na makilala ang mukhang tinitingnan ko. The face of the man I love was far different from the face that I was staring at right at this moment. The calm, soft, and affectionate eyes were no longer there. Tila siya sinaniban ng ibang nilalang dahilan para siya magbago ng ganito.

He stared at me anticipatingly as if I were some kind of show that entertained him.

He planted a soft yet hungry kiss on my lips. Hindi ko inaasahan ‘yon at napapatitig na lang sa kaniya. Akmang magsasalita siya nang biglang tumunog ang phone niya kasabay no’n ang pagsulpot ni Kuya Jan sa gilid namin, partikular sa tapat ng sasakyan na itim.

“Sir, Ma’am. Your uncle is here as well as Ma’am Riz’s friend.” He said as he stood straight, steps away from us.

Hindi kumalas si Seth ngunit dumilim at tumalim ang tingin niya kay Kuya Jan na para bang may ginawa itong kasalanan.

Napatingin naman ako sa kay Kuya Jan matapos kong sulyapan ang lalaki.

“Sino pong kaibigan?” Tanong ko dahil wala naman akong natatandaan na kaibigan mula sa SFU napupunta dito… Ang isa pa dalawa lang ang matalik kong kaibigan yung isa… Nasa hospital pa.

Oo nga pala. Nawala na sa isip ko ang nangyari sa kaibigan kong si Alex. Kumusta na kaya ang lagay niya? Hindi ko pa siya nadadalaw!

“Hindi ko po kilala, pero maganda po, matangkad at nakita ko pong kasama niyo nung party noon.” Aniya na nagpabilog ng aking mata.

Nahihinuha ko na kung sino ang tinutukoy niya kaya walang ano ano akong umalis at kumalas mula sa pagkakakulong ni Seth sa akin. Hindi niya inaasahan ‘yon kaya narinig ko ang matigas niyang pagtawag na hindi ko na pinansin.

Diretso ang lakad ko pabalik sa loob at hindi ko rin naman namataan kung nasaan ang Tito ni Seth. Walang lingon lingon sa likod. Pagpasok ko sa loob ng bahay nakita ko si Jenny na naka tayo at nakasilip sa kabaong ni Nanay. She’s wearing black shades, her straight long black hair is gracefully hanging down her back. She’s wearing a sleeveless white dress that I could easily know is from an expensive brand.

Naka sandals lang rin siyang puti. Malumanay at tahimik siyang nakatingin sa kabaong. Sumulyap ako kayla Tatay na ngayon ay abala sa paghihiwa ng ibang sangkap. Si Ramon ay nakaupo sa di kalyuan habang kandong kandong si Sander na kausap naman ng kapatid ko si Dante.

“Jenny,” I said above whispering, enough for her to hear me.

Slowly, she turned her head towards me and smiled. It was a smile that wasn’t out of gladness but it was far from it… More like a deep yet sad, almost agonizing something.

“Riz,” She called before stepping forward and hugging me tightly.

Nabigla ako sa kaniyang ginawa ngunit sa huli ay sinuklian ko lang rin siya ng mahigpit na yakap. The way she hugs and caresses my back was enough for me to know that she’s going through something, she’s carrying a heavy bagage, perhaps an emotion or feelings.

“Ate, h-hindi ka man lang nagsabi o nag text sa akin na pupunta ka. Kumusta ka na.”

Kumalas siya sa yakap, nakasuot pa rin ng itim na shade.

She smiled, this time a tinge of joy slowly emerged from her lips.

“I’m so sorry if I went here unannounced… Hindi na ako nag-atubiling pumunta nang malaman ko na hindi ka pumasok ng ilang araw na. I asked our professors but they knew nothing… How fucking useless!” She said the last part was like a horror story.

Napangiti ako ng malawak sa kaniya.

“It’s fine. Ano ka ba? Welcome ka sa bahay namin… Isa pa walang alam yung mga professor natin kung bakit ako absent, nakalimutan ko rin kasing magsabi. I’m sorry.”

Umiling siya. Her hands held both of my shoulders as her thumb caressed my skin softly.

“Wala ako pake! Eme! Condolences, Ate. Alam kong mahirap at masakit ito pero magpakatatag ka.” She said sincerely, I could feel how she really meant every word.

Naalala ko bigla si Alex. Does she know about what happened to him?

“Uh—”

“Heto pala ang abuloy ko, Ate. Tanggapin mo ‘to ha kahit maliit lang.” Aniya bago kinuha ang puting sobre sa loob ng handbag niyang dala.

I eyed the envelope that she was handing to me. Maliit! Ang kapal at tila busog na busog naman ang sobre na ‘yan.

“Loka ka! Maliit? Ate, buntis na yung sobre!” Ani ko at tinuro pa ang sobre na hawak niya.

Tumawa kami parehas, hinila niya rin ng marahan ang buhok ko kaya napainda ako habang natatawa.

“Gaga ka! Sige na, bawal tumanggi.”

Tinanggap ko ang kaniyang abuloy at nagpasalamat. I was about to say something when a small hand gripped the hem of her dress. Napatingin kami parehas do’n at mukha ni Sander na matalim at busangot na nakatingin kay Jenny ang sumalubong sa amin.

“Hey! Down’t hurt my Mama Riz!” Aniya na nagpaawang sa bibig ni Jenny.

She looked at me with her shocked eyes, the way her eyes looked at me was enough to know that she was wondering about Sander. She didn’t know about him after all, about his existence.

“What the? Mama Riz?” She mouthed.

I shook my head unbelievably.

“Sander,” I called the young boy.

Sander quickly went to me and offered his hand widely, requesting that be carry by me.

I carried him. Mabilis na pumulupot ang kamay niya sa leeg ko at binaon niya ang kaniyang mukha sa aking leeg.

“Bakla ka! Kaninong anak ‘yan?! Don’t tell me bumarurot ka ng merat?” She said playfully.

Natawa naman ako. Naglakad na ako papasok habang naiiling sa kaniyang sinabi. Her words never ceased to surprise me. Alam ko naman na hindi maiintindihan ni Sander ang salitang ginamit niya kaso nga lang ayaw ko rin na maexpose yung bata sa gano’n.

I jerk my head to our sofa, and she immediately gets it while still having a playful smirk on her lips.

“Sira ka! Wag ka muna maging bagra lalo pa’t may bata dito… At hindi ako umano ng mirat. Anak ni Seth ‘to.” Saad ko nang makaupo na kami sa sofa. Naramdaman ko ang daliri ni Sander na gumagawa ng guhit sa balat ko sa balikat na siyang naghahatid ng kiliti sa akin. Tahimik lang siya at hindi kumikibo na parang kuntento na sa posisyon namin.

Namilog ang mata ni Jenny sa aking sinabi kasabay ang pagbuka ng bibig. She heaved an exasperated gasp.

“Omg! Siya ang bumembang ng ibang mirat! Gosh! Did he cheat on you?!” She said. Mabilis kong hinampas ang binti niya dahil napalakas ang kaniyang boses.

Napangiwi naman siya bago tinakpan ang bibig.

“Hindi! Walang ganun na nangyari, tignan mo kung ilang taon na ‘to tapos isipin mo kung ilang buwan palang kami ni Seth.”

Tumaas ang kilay niya at napaayos ng upo.

“Whatever!” She rolled her eyes as she brushed her hair.

Nangingiti ko lang siyang tiningnan at hindi ko alam kung ano ang mararamdaman ko dahil sa presensya niya. I know that she went here because of me, to comfort me, and I am more than thankful for her thoughtfulness. I don’t know where she gets the news of my Nanay’s passing, but I guess I shouldn’t think about it anymore.

Ginala ni Jenny ang kaniyang mata sa kabuohan ng aming bahay. Walang ibang namumutawi sa kaniyang mukha kundi ang pagkakamangha. Hindi ko nga alam kung saan siya namamangha! Kung sa bahay ba namin o sa ibang bagay.

Her eyes turned back to me. Lumambot ang kaniyang mata, may emosyon akong nakita ro’n. Hindi nga lang ako sigurado kung sakit, pighati o pagluluksa. Mabilis lang rin iyon dahil nang ipinikit niya ang mga mata at binaling ng diretso sa kabaong ni Nanay ay nawala na iyon.

I shifted on my seat as I fixed the position of Sander in my arms.

“Jenny, si Alex…” I said, trying to open the topic about him, and their relationship.

She stiffened. Sa paninigas niya alam kong hindi niya inaasahan ang pagbanggit ko sa pangalan ng aking kaibigan. Hindi ko na rin kaya pa ipalagpas ito at pakiramdam ko heto na ang tamang panahon para pagusapan itong bagay na ‘to.

Bumalik sa akin ang ala-ala kung paano namin niligtas ang naghihingalong si Alex sa kaniyang condo sa Marikina. Kung ano ang itsura niya habang nakalambitin sa ere, kung paano siya…

Tumikhim si Jenny bago bumaling sa akin. Tipid at tila ilit siyang ngumiti sa akin at pawang pinapasigla ang pagtingin sa akin.

“What about him?” She asked, as if it were something that was of no weight for her.

Nagkasalubong ang kilay ko nang tinitigan ko siya, sinusubukang basahin ang totoong nilalaman ng kaniyang mga mata.

“Jenny, alam ko kung ano ang mayro’n sa inyong dalawa. Pasensya na kung nabanggit ko ito pero hindi ko kasi maiwasan na mag-alala at maghiwagaan lalo pa’t si Alex,” Nahinto ako at pilit nilunok ang bigik na namumuo sa aking lalamunan. “Sinubukan niyang kunin ang sarili niyang buhay.” Bumaba ang boses ko nang sabihin ko ang huli.

Mabilis na napabaling sa akin ang tingin ni Jenny, namimilog at gulantang ang kaniyang mga mata na bumaon sa akin. Nakaawang rin ang kaniyang bibig na para bang gustong suminghap o kung ano man.

I badly want to hold her hands but since Sander was in my arms, I couldn’t help but just stare at her.

“W-What? N-Nag… Ano?!”

I nodded as I slowly closed my eyes.

“Why would he do that?” She laughed humorlessly.

“He fucking tossed me away like a damn garbage! After he was done with me! Now, he’ll what?!”

Napasinghap ako dahil biglang pagtaas ng kaniyang boses nang sinabi niya iyon.

“Jenny,” Tawag ko, sinusubukan kong pakalmahin siya. “Can you calm down please?” Dugtong ko lalo pa’t ramdam ko rin ang pagtuon ng atensyon ng mga kasama ko dito sa loob ng bahay.

She closed her eyes tightly, trying to calm herself down. Her jaw clenched but it calmed when she opened her eyes.

Hinilamos niya ang kaniyang kamay sa mukha at malalim na huminga. Sa reaksyon niya palang ay mas napatunayan kong malalim na ang ugnayan na namamagitan sa kanilang dalaw.

“I’m sorry, Ate. Hindi ko maiwasan magalit dahil sa kaniyang ginawa. Siya ang tumapos sa amin, siya ang nang-iwan at parang tinapon ang kung anong mayro’n sa aming dalawa at ngayon siya pa ang may ganang gawin iyon sa kaniyang sarili!” Pagak siyang natawa. Hindi ako makapagsalita o makasagot man lang. Nanatili akong nakatitig sa kaniya habang awang aking bibig.

Kung hindi ko lang nakita ang paglabas ni Tatay at ang dahan-dahan na pag-akyat nila Dante at Bune ay hindi mawawala ang atensyon ko sa kaibigan.

Problemado siyang huminga.

“I cannot believe him! He said that he was just playing around… That he was just curious how it feels to have some strings with the likes of us. Then why did he do that to himself then? What’s his reason this time?”

“Ate,” Mababa at malambing kong tawag na siyang kinalingon niya sa akin. “Alex really loves you, I know it. Kilala ko siya, at alam ko kung naglalaro lang siya o hindi.”

Ngumisi siya sa pamamaraan na hindi siya naniniwala sa akin. Ngunit hindi ako natinag lalo pa’t taliwas ang aking paniniwala sa katotohanan.

“I know that you are hurt by what he did, and by what he said to you. Pero kilala ko siya at hindi siya kailanman naging mapaglaro sa mga taong ginusto niya. Hindi ko ‘to sinasabi para ipilit o ipagtanggol siya sayo pero alam kong totoong mahal ka niya.”

“Then why? Kung ganun nga iyon, Ate. Bakit kailangan niya iyon gawin?” She asked frustratedly.

Gusto kong diretsahin at sabihin ang nalalaman ko sa kung ano ang totoong at mamaaring dahilan sa kung bakit iyon nagawa at nasabi sakaniya ni Alex pero pakiramdam ko ay hindi ako ang dapat na magsabi sa kaniya no’n—pakiramdam ko si Alex ang dapat na magsiwalat no’n sa kaniya.

“H-hindi ko alam… Why don’t you pay him a visit? I think you need to hear the reason behind it from him.” I suggested. Her eyes became gloomy yet hopeful because of what I said.

Napatitig siya sa kawalan ng ilang sandali bago siya bumuntong hininga.

“Siguro nga… Nasan ba siya ngayon?”

Chapter 43

CHAPTER 43

Family

I stared at Jenny’s face, which was staring blankly somewhere. After I told him that Alex was in the hospital in Pasig, napatulala na lang siya. I wanted to ask her, to say something to her, but I couldn’t help but just scan her beautiful face.

Hindi ko alam kung ano na ang tumatakbo sa isip ni Jenny. Iniisip ko at pinagdadasal ko na sana ay puntahan niya si Alex, hindi para magkaayos sila o kung ano man ang relasyon nila kundi kahit man lang ay makapagusap lang silang dalawa.

Alam ko na sa ginawa kong pagbubukas sa topic na iyon ay naging padalos dalos ako pero hindi ko na rin napigilan pa ang aking sarili.

Jenny heaved a sigh. She then fixed her posture and sat straight beside me. My eyes zeroed in on her as I tried to read what her next move would be.

“I’ll go now, Ate. Babalik nalang ako bukas or sa susunod na araw.” Aniya at ngumiti sa akin bago siya tumayo at bahagyang inayos ang kanitang suot na puting dress.

I stood from my seat, still carrying Sander in my arms, and smiled at her purely and sincerely.

“Sige, Ate. Aasahan ko ‘yan ha? Pakisabi nalang rin sa mga prof natin tungkol sa kalagayan namin ngayon… At kung okay lang ay baka puwede habulin ko nalang ang mga na-mimissed kong activities.”

Ngumiti siya sa akin na puno ng galak at tuwa, hindi ko na nga mahanap ang lungkot sa kaniyang mga mata. “Wag kang mag-alala ako na ang bahala. Intindihin at asikasuhin mo na lang muna ito.” Sagot niya at inilibot muli ang kaniyang paningin sa buong palapag.

“Salamat, Ate. Mag-iingat ka ha? Diretso uwi ka na ba? O…”

Umiling siya.

“Hindi, dadalawin ko pa yung isa.” Malawak siyang ngumiti, walang bigat at walang sakit. Puno ng tapang ang kaniyang mukha, tulad ng Jenny na aking kilala.

Namilog ang mata ko sa kaniyang sinabi dahil sa hindi ko inaasahan na matutupad agad ang aking iniisip at pinagdarasal kanina.

“S-sige, Ate. Good luck at sana makapagusap kayo ng masinsinan… Kung yun ay okay na si Alex.”

Hindi ko alam kung gising na ba ang isang ‘yon o kahit man ang kalagayan niya.

“Sana nga. I think it’s time for us to talk about our…” She trailed off. She brushed her straight long black hair.

I looked at her joyfully. I know that it is hard to talk about the things that you hold dearly which got broken into pieces. Kahit ako ay nahihirapan kung papaano ko kakausapin si Seth tungkol sa balak kong pakikipaghiwalay sakaniya. Jenny loves Alex, and it must’ve been hard for her to hear those words from him, those words I knew he didn’t mean to say to her.

“O’siya. Enough with the kaenggahan. Gogora na akek. Susunod na lang ulit, ‘te.” Pagpapaalam niya at nauna nang maglakad.

Natataranta naman ako dahil gusto ko siya ihatid man lang sa labas kaso nga lang ay mahimbing na ata na natutulog si Sander sa aking bisig. Kaya sa huli ay pinanood ko nalang ang imahe niyang lumabas sa aming pintuan.

I’m kind of nervous about how that talk will go. What if it doesn’t turn out well? Or what if it does? I guess I’m just anxious because they’re both my friends. And honestly, when I found out about their relationship, I realized it was actually a good thing—and I was okay with it. Not that my opinion really matters, but as their friend, I genuinely feel at peace with the idea of them being together. In fact, I support it.

I slowly tug Sander onto the sofa and let him sleep there. I stared at his angelic handsome face as the thought of him being abused swiftly flashed in my mind. I know that I wasn’t in a place to throw an action or even butt in on their affairs but I can’t help to communicate my side! I love Sander as my own. Even though I knew that he was a son to someone else… To a mother.

Hindi ko na rin maintindihan ang nararamdaman ko! Kung normal ba na maging malapit ako sa bata o hindi! Dahil ang alam kong normal na reaksyon ng iba kapag nalaman nilang may naging anak sa iba ang partner nila ay makakaramdam sila ng selos… And to add to that… the truth is, people like me—transwomen—can’t help but feel a hint of envy. Not out of bitterness, but because one of our deepest shortcomings as a partner is the inability to carry a child. That gift… that ability to create life within us—it’s something many of us have quietly grieved for. Something we wish we could offer, but never can.

But if there’s one thing I hold onto in all of this—one truth that keeps me grounded, it’s that Sander has nothing to do with any of it. He didn’t ask to be born. He never wished for Maurice to get pregnant. He didn’t choose the circumstances that brought him here.

Sander is just a child. A boy. Innocent, pure… undeserving of any anger or resentment born from choices he never made. He’s not the mistake. He’s not the burden. He’s just… here. And maybe that’s the one miracle we’ve all been too broken to see.

A loud beep from a car pulled me back from my surging thoughts. It was unfamiliar that made my brow meet in the middle.

Mabilis kong sinuri si Sander at tiningnan kung maayos na ba ang kaniyang kalagayan. At nang nasiguradong maayos siya ay tumayo na ako at mabilis na sinulyapan si Tatay na nakatingin na rin sa akin na para bang kanina pa ako pinagmamasdan.

He nodded without a word as if he understood what I was going to say. I gave him a sweet and thankful smile before marching out of our house to check whoever was the owner of the car was.

Pagkalabas ko ay dumagundong ang dibdib ko nang sumalubong sa akin si Ma’am Emilia Del Fuego na nakaputing bestida habang maayos na nakatayo sa tapat ng sasakyan. Her eyes were immediately glued on me when my presence was summoned outside—same as mine. The sound of the door being slammed made my eyes pull away from her.

There he was my older brother, Damian Crist Del Fuego. Wearing a white button-down shirt, the sleeves were folded to his elbows, paired with black pants and black leather shoes.

Kung dati ay walang dating ang presensya nila kahit pa’t halos buong araw ko silang nakikita sa shop. Ngayon, sobrang kinakabahan ako at para akong natatae dahil sa pagtaas ng mga balahibo ko.

Is it because now I know the truth that they are my biological family? Or is it because of something else? Something more I couldn’t yet know?

“Wife,” Seth said behind me, his hand swiftly naked around my waist. A dominant move to show his confidence, more so his possessiveness towards me.

Hindi ko siya tiningnan o kahit man lang sagutin. My eyes stayed on my brother, the Vice Mayor, and his mother—my mother, Ma’am Emilia.

I saw how Damian’s eyes looked at Seth’s hand that was around my waist. His jaw clenched as he slowly looked at the man beside me… His old friend.

“Damian,” Seth greeted, cold yet warm.

Damian grinned at him, not in a friendly way but in a serious yet deadly one.

“Mayor,”

“Why addressing me in such a formal way now, Damian. I am no longer in power, more in that seat, please call me by my name, just like the old days.”

“Fu—”

“Crist,” Ma’am Emilia cut him off. Her voice was tinged with warning, more like a deadly sign.

Damian’s jaw clenched firmly as he shut his mouth. His eyes immediately turned soft as his eyes shifted to me. Mixed emotions flickered in his eyes as he scanned my face, and it was more affectionate and longing. It was not the same as I first saw him at the shop—as my customer, not a brother.

“Dame—”

“Mom, she is a she… So she is Riz now.” It was now Damian interrupting her as he calmly corrected her mother—our mother.

A vile suddenly formed inside my throat, choking the air within. Why am I feeling this way?! It was foreign for me to call her my mom! My mother when in fact it was only the right thing to do! Is it because I have never been on their side for a long time? Is it because I wasn’t raised in their household—with them?

My heart hammered inside my chest, hard and painful.

“R-Riz,” She called my name carefully, sticking with longing too.

I swallowed hard as I stared at her face, at the face of the woman who brought me into life. Her beautiful and graceful face was obviously like mine, her eyes, her nose, and even the shape of it. It was like I was looking in the mirror!

How stupid I was not to notice it the first time I took her order!? I have the feeling at the time that something wasn’t right… That something is pulling me to her hands. But I brushed it off because my mind was too focused on other things… To my feelings for him—for Seth, to my insecurities, my failures, and my family—To Nanay’s health. I didn’t push myself to engage in that feeling.

“Ma’am…” I called back.

Her eyes became teary as she bit her lower lip. Damian’s hands enveloped her shoulder as if it were his way to comfort her. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba dapat kong gawin. Should I offer a hug or…

Her eyes slowly crawled to Seth who was silently watching us beside me. She gave her a smile which Seth answered by greeting her.

“Tita,” Seth greeted. My heart wanted to jump out of my chest when I heard him call my biological mother Tita. Yeah, great! I forgot again! He was a friend of my brother which is possibly the reason why he called her Tita.

Tumango siya kay Seth bago ibinaling ulit sa aking ang tingin.

“H-How are you?” She said almost whisper yet I was able to hear.

I slowly gave her a sweet smile—not the sweetest, just to make her a bit calm.

“I’m fine po… Kayo po? Gusto niyo po ba pumasok o kahit man lang maupo po muna?” Sunod sunod kong sabi sa nanginginig kong boses. I tried to jerk my head to give them the sign but I failed.

“No thanks, sweetheart. We are here because we wanted to talk to you. Could you spare us a moment?” She said in a cracking voice.

Kinakabahan man pero tumango ako para paunlakan ang kanilang hinihiling. I know that I will face them because of the truth. But I didn’t expect it to be this soon. I wasn’t prepared but maybe, I was meant to feel this way. Never been prepared to talk to my biological mother and brother.

May tumulong luha mula sa gilid ng mata niya dahil sa aking naging sagot na mabilis niya rin pinunasan.

“Where do you want us to talk? I know you are grieving because of your…” She stopped then swallowed. “But I can’t last another month or lifetime not to talk to you… My daughter.” She said achingly.

My body couldn’t react adequately because of what’s happening. Sa bilis ng tibok ng puso ko at sa kalabisan na kaba na nararamdaman ko ay para akong isang gadget na nagma-malfunction.

“Uh… O-Okay naman po ako kahit saan… Kung saan niyo po ba gusto mag-usap?” I asked. My throat was trembling which made my voice unstable.

Gosh! Totoo ba ‘to? Nandito sila, Siya. Para sa akin?

I sighed as I looked at them, anticipating the next thing they would do, if they decided to talk somewhere.

“Can we talk somewhere else? If that’s okay with you?” Ma’am Emilia asked.

I nodded without a thought. Mabilis na kumilos si Damian at umikot papasok sa sasakyan matapos na pagbuksan ng pintuan si Ma’am Emilia. Kinakabahan ako, pero may kung anong kiliti at pagkasabik ang namumuo sa loob ko.

Hinirap ko si Seth at nakita ko kung paanong mamungay ang mga mata niyang tumingin sa akin. Walang pagtutol at para bang ayos lang sa kaniya na sumama ako sa dalawa. He held both of my elbows and planted a soft yet swift kiss on my lips.

“Hindi na ako sasama, I will wait for you here.”

Tumingin lang ako sa kaniya ng walang reaksyon. I’m surprised that he was willing to let me be, to be with them without him accompanying me. Though, kahit umalma siya at sumana o kahit ano pa man ang maging reaksyon niya. Desisyon ko pa rin naman ang masusunod.

I nodded as a response. He heaved a deep sigh before glancing at the car where Ma’am Emilia and Damian were.

He looked back at me. “This is your time to ask them whatever unanswered questions you have. Damian’s knowledge is far from what I know. Maybe he has the answer for some…” He said as if it would tie whatever knot is broken between us.

“Okay.”

“Where’s Sander?”

“Nasa sofa, tulog na tulog. Iakyat mo na lang at ihiga sa taas, tabihan mo na rin kung inaantok ka ba”

Tumango siya bago niya ako halikan ulit. Wala na akong sinabi at pumasok na muna sa loob at mabilis na nagpalit ng damit bago lumabas at sumama sa kanila.

Buong byahe ay tahimik lang ang lahat. Nagsasalita si Damian sa harap habang nagmamaneho na siyang tinatanguan ko lang kung tungkol ba sa akin at siya rin sinasagot ko pagnagtatanong. Ma’am Emilia was silent throughout the way until we arrived at some fancy restaurant somewhere in Pasay.

It felt so awkward now than before since it was just the three of us here on a big round table. Walang nagsasalita sa aming tatlo at parang sumisigaw na rin ang mga masasarap at mamahaling pagkain na nakahain sa aming harapan. I wanted to break the deafening silence that was lingering between us but I don’t know how and what should say.

“Uh… Kain na po tayo.” Panimula ko nang lumipas ang ilang sandali na wala pa rin nagbalak na magsalita.

Ma’am Emilia smiled at me sweetly as she started to pick one of the dishes. I don’t know how I should address her or call her, now that I know that she is my biological mother. Should I call her Mama? Or is it better if I still call her Ma’am.

“You don’t seem to be bothered by our sudden intrusion. Perhaps, you knew that we were coming.” Damian trailed off.

My eyes immediately shifted to him. Isa pa ‘to! K-Kuya-hin ko ba siya o mananatili akong pormal sa pagtawag sa kaniya. Kinakabahan tuloy ako bigla dahil sa hindi ko malaman na dahilan. Dahil ba ‘yon sa sinabi niya o dahil sa iniisip ko.

Mukha kang tanga, Riz! Bakit ka naman kakabahan dahil lang problema mo sa kung ano ang itatawag mo sa kanila?! Syempre dahil iyon sa sinabi niya.

I shifted on my seat as I watched his reaction. “I…” I inhaled and released. “I know now what the truth is behind my existence…” I looked at Ma’am Emilia. “Y-You are my real mother… As in my biological mother, ang tunay kong mama.” I said while my eyes were still looking at her.

A sob escaped from her lips and tears started to fall from her eyes. I feel my heart crumble when I watch her expression. I suddenly want to go to her and hug her tight but it still feels awkward to do.

Mabilis na dinaluhin ni Damian si Ma’am Emilia at binigyan ito ng tissue. It felts so warm and light to see them this close and affectionate. My brother and my mother.

“N-Napanood ko ang video mula kay Seth na… Dinukot at ninakaw ako nung baby pa lang ako… And in that video… You are there, Ma’am, crying.”

“P-Please call me Mama, or Mommy.” She pleaded between her cries.

My heart began to fall and break when I caught the desperation and longing in her voice. Of course, Mama. I will not be a witch to not let you have it.

“O-Oo naman po… M-Mama.”

She cried more when the word escaped my mouth. Mas lumapit si Damian sa kaniya na may nanghihinang ekspresyon sa mukha.

“God knows how I wished this day would come. Na makita at makasama ka namin ulit… Na matawag mo akong Mama.”

“Mom, calm down please.” Pag-alu ni Damian kay Mama.

“Yes, Son. I’m sorry, masyado akong nagiging emosyonal. N-Namiss ko lang ng sobra itong kapatid mo.” Sagot niya habang pilit na itinitigil ang iyak.

“My husband… Your father died due to severe stress and depression… He keeps blaming himself for why you were taken away from us. For years he blamed his position for the reason why you were no longer with us. Not long after, he passed away as his body couldn’t hold the guilt anymore. He self-detoriated…” She continued as her tears fell unstoppably.

My breath hitched along with the excruciating pain blooming inside my chest. It was like watching her brooding tears in front of me was a ten-stab of a sharp knife through my heart.

“Along with our father’s funeral, my mother… Our mother stopped looking for you, she accepted the truth that you are forever gone…” Damian suddenly butt in.

My eyes shifted from her to my brother. His eyes immediately met mine the moment he felt that I was now looking at him. He smiled at me sweetly which made his face more handsomely gorgeous.

“But I didn’t… Secretly, I hired someone to continue the investigation about you… To find where you really are…” His jaw tightened, sharpening every inch, every detail of his face evidently.

I could feel myself being absorbed by the chair I was sitting in. I couldn’t find to talk and interrupt them from telling me all of the information about them—my biological family.

I swallowed hard, trying to find my voice to ask why. He could have stop and lived his own life, thinking that I was truly gone. To moved on, and forget about me—my existence. But why? He believed that I was still alive… Through out the years, he believed and still believe that he can find me.

“B-Bakit?” I finally found my voice to ask.

He chuckled without a humor, it was as if my question was the most unbelievable and funniest thing he heard.

“Why? Simply, because I feel that somewhere you are still alive and living the life that wasn’t meant for you. You are meant to live as one of the Del Fuego. But because of those fuckers, they snatched that chance away from you.” He answered without any thoughts.

Nanuyot ang lalamunan ko dahil sa sakit at bigat na rumaragas sa buong katawan ko. Dapat ay natutuwa at nagdidiwang ako dahil sa mga naririnig ko, na dapat ay gumaan ang pakiramdam ko. Pero bakit imbis na gano’n ang maramdaman ko ay para namumuot ang sakit at pait sa akin dahil sa mga ideyang sinabi niya.

Totoo naman ang sinabi niya… Ang namuhay ako sa katauhan na hindi akin, katauhan na hindi ko alam kung talaga ba dapat na nabubuhay. I was raised by the life of Jan Aldriz Borja, which was the person who I think–still I am today.

“Akala ko po noon na tinapon niyo ako at sinadyang iwan dahil hindi niyo po ako gusto.” Panimula ko.

Tila naalerto si Mama habang mabilis na nag-iba ang ekspresyon ng aking kapatid.

“That’s not true, Riz.” Mabilis na segunda ni Damian.

Ngumiti ako at tumango.

“Alam ko po… Pero iyon ang pinaniwalaan ko simula noong nagkaisip ako dahil iyon lang rin naman ang sinasabi ng mga magulang po. But now I know that those are just mistakes and were made from a lie.”

Damian expression relaxed a bit because of my words. He fixed his position and sat straight on his seat.

“We spend millions just to find you, Anak. But still we failed. We will never throw you away just because we didn’t want you. Hindi iyon mangyayari at hindi rin namin kaayawan ikaw. You are our own flesh and blood, our child. We will never stashed you away like a garbage, you didn’t deserve that.” Si Mama na ngayon ay na-iyak dahil sa kaniyang sinabi.

Nag-init ang mata ko dahil sa sakit na naramdaman sa kaniyang sinabi ngunit pilit ko lamang pinatatag ang sarili ko para lang hindi umiyak sa harapan nila. I know that. And somehow, I expected to hear it from them—From her. But what was an 8-year-old orphan supposed to think—someone raised by the very person who stole her? Is it wrong that I believed in those things? No… Those were the only truths I knew. The only version of them I had ever been told.
Pero alam ko na ngayon, at alam kong mali ang mga pinaniwalaan ko.

“A-Alam ko po…”

“Please, forget those things, hija. We love you with all our hearts, you are our child, our… Daughter.” She said in a low, crying voice.

Tumambol ang puso ko sa tuwa at may kung anong humaplos na mainit na kamay sa aking kaloob-looban dahil sa narinig ko sa kaniya.

She called me their daughter? She accepted… me for who I am—a transwoman. A person who chose to redirect her life and identity through transitioning. Someone who embraced the truth about herself. The truth that I am a woman—not one born physically as such, but one who has always been emotionally and mentally aligned with being one.

My heart was pounding with joy inside my chest. I had expected her to, at the very least, question my gender.

Napatulala lang ako sa kaniya at hindi nakapagsalita. Alam kong hindi ito ang tamang oras para isipin ang tungkol sa pagtanggap niya sa aking kasarian pero hindi ko maiwasan na mablangko dahil do’n, na matunaw sa saya dahil do’n.

“Then you must know that those who raised you were the ones who stole from us.” Damian suddenly talked. My eyes swiftly darted at him.

“Alam ko… K-Kuya.” I muttered.

Tila nanigas sa kinauupuan niya si Kuya Damian habang namimilog ang mga mata nang magtitigan kami. His cheeks unhurriedly became reddish as he pulled his eyes away from me.

“F-Fuck.” He whispered under his breath. I saw how tears were slowly forming in his eyes.

Mas lalong bumigat ang nararamdaman ko kasabay ang pananakit ng aking puso.

“Pero hindi po ako galit sa mga magulang ko, sa mga taong nagpalaki sa akin, lalo na po sa Nanay ko na ngayon ay pumanaw na.” Tuloy ko. Pagkasabi ko ay tinuko ko ang aking tingin pababa sa plato.

Kita ko ang pag-alma sa mukha ni Mama ngunit hindi siya nagsalita at pinunasan na lamang ang mga luhang nagsituluan muli.

“I know that you wanted them to pay but please, don’t.”

“But, Riz. They stole you from us and it was right for them to pay for their sins.”

“But I don’t want them to pay. I understand your side from this but I also understand why they chose to do it. They need money, they need food, and someone ordered them to do it in exchange for money.” I reasoned out.

Damian shut his mouth while his jaw clenched. Nakikita ko ang pagtutol at ang hindi niya pagsang ayon sa aking sinabi.

“Kuya, Mama, please. Not them, but rather those persons who are the root of all of this.” I said pleadingly, hoping that they’ll hear my plea.

A long and deafening silence devoured the space between us, as if the the time itself was the one who was not tied by the silence. I could even hear my own ears buzzing, or even the delicious fancy dishes shouting at us to finally eat them.

Makalipas ang ilang sandali nang pananahimik ay tumango si Mama at ngumiti sa akin. It was a peaceful and calm smile that made my heart flutter.

“Okaay, hija. After all, what matters now is that we’re together again. You, and Damian, and me. Our family is now whole again.” She smiled at that.

“We’ve missed you, Damerese. My sister…” Kuya uttered heartily.

Para akong lulutang sa saya at gaan na aking nararamdaman. I could feel my whole body floating in the air astrally. I never thought that the very people I believed had intentionally given me away, because they didn’t love me, or because they thought I was just a mistake would be the ones to complete the pieces of myself I never even knew were missing.

Tuloy tuloy na bumagsak ang luha ko na hindi ko napansin. Kung hindi pa ako pupuntahan at yayakapin ni Mama… Emilia ay hindi ko mababalik sa wisyo ang aking sarili mula sa pag iisip. My heart is happy, my mind is full of joy, and my body feel so warm and calm. Lalo na ang yakap ni Mama. My brother—Damian, watched us with his eyes blooming with joy as if a big and heavy boulder were now finally lifted and he finally watched us—me in ease.

“H-Hindi ko po alam… Kung paano po ako…”

“Shhh… Anak, it’s fine. You don’t need to push yourself to get used to all of this… We take this slow, hmmm.” Alu ni Mama sa akin bago mahigpit na hinagkan ako habang nakatayo.

My head was buried in my Mama’s tummy as I cried… She didn’t complain about her designer dress that could be ruined because of my tears. She held me carefully, as if I were her most valuable treasure.

Pagkatapos ng aking pag-iyak ay doon lamang kami nagsimulang kumain. Sa totoo lang nawala na sa akin ang gutom… Tila sa lahat ng mga nalaman ko… Sa mga impormasyon na narinig ko tungkol sa kanila ay pumuno sa aking buong katawan. It felt like I’d eaten a whole damn whale.

Nang nasa byahe na kami pabalik sa Del Prusada, sa lugar na aking kinalakhan, sa lugar kung saan nahubog ang aking pagkatao kasama ang pamilyang nagpalaki sa akin. Walang bigat, walang sama ng loob, at higit sa lahat walang galit na nararamdaman.

Maybe this whole thing was really meant to happen for me to learn, to grow, to become the person I am today. Perhaps it wasn’t just about the truth behind my existence, but about the lessons that life had been waiting to teach me all along. Life isn’t fair.
You fall so many times just for trying—trying to be better, trying to succeed while others seem to achieve things effortlessly. Just like what I’ve been through… I failed in life, in school, in my decisions, in love. And yet, every time, I find a way to rise again—to try once more.

I blinked several times in surprise when I spotted two familiar faces walking their way inside of an exclusive Chinese restaurant. Wearing a black dress that slightly hugged her body. Nakatali ng maayos ang kaniyang buhok at sa ekspresyon ng kaniyang mukha ay parang may pinaguusapan silang dalawa.

Maurice expression was neutral yet uncalm while Tito Syrius was looking at her in an angry and agitated way.

My mind suddenly flew across the sky as I couldn’t help but start to question as to why they were together?! Wala naman nasasabi si Seth na may ugnayan ang dalawa… O baka hindi rin alam ito ni…

My heart starts to hammered inside my chest as I watched their image gone from my vision. At sakto rin na umusad ang traffic at nagsimulang umandar ulit ang sasakyan. Bahagya pang hinabol ng aking ulo at paningin ang lugar kung saan sila pumasok.

Hindi ko maalis sa isipan ang mga imahe nilang dalawa at sa mga bagay na namumuo sa aking isipan…

Hindi kaya?

Gosh! Napaka chismosa ko naman!

Pagkauwi sa bahay ay nanatili pa saglit sina Kuya at si Mama. Nag-usap si Mama at si Tatay tungkol sa akin. Humingi ng tawad si Tatay kay Mama at Kuya, he also told them the whole thing, and what breaks me is that he knew and he was also part of stealing me. Tatay aske me for my forgiveness which I already gave to him even though he didn’t wish for it yet. At tulad ng sinabi ko kina Mama at Kuya, wala akong hinihingi kundi ang kapayapaan at ang hindi sila maipakulong.

Alam ko at naiintindihan ko na kailangan nilang magbayad sa kanilang ginawa… But for me, it felt much more complicated—and I knew it would break my siblings’ hearts too.

Kinabukasan ay maaga akong nagising, ngunit ang inaasahan kong mapayapa at masayang araw katulad kahapon ay taliwas sa aking nasasaksihan.

Jenny went here and told me what happened with her visit to Alex. They are talk ended well, and now they find the peace for both of us. Hindi ko na tinanong kung sila na ba ulit dahil hinihintay ko siyang magsabi.

My heart was hammering inside my chest as I tried to pull Seth away from his uncle. The darkness and fury that were dancing in their eyes were too intense.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang punot dulo ng away nila pero isa lang ang napagtanto ko. Hindi talaga maayos ang relasyon nilng dalawa mag-tiyuhin.

“You fucking stay away from my son and my wife!” Seth shouted, his voice burning with rage, his expression twisted in fury. Pilit ko siyang niyayakap at tinutulak papalayo sa tiyuhin niya na kanina niya pa pinauulanan ng sapak.

I heard his uncle smirk, it was like a taunt to push Seth into his end.

“You think you can push me back because of that? You’d throw away our clan’s position… for that fucking disgrace?” he spat with venom.
I could feel Seth’s heavy, ragged breathing. His chest was rising and falling sharply, pressing hard against mine. Dahil yakap yakap ko siya ay hindi ko magawang lingunin ang lalaking hindi man lang lumaban sa kaniyang tiyuhin.

“What the fuck did you just say? She what?! You called her… What?!” Seth shouted back, this time I could feel how he was trying to hold himself back but the word that his uncle just spat was enough for him to break, to finally let go of the very last patient he had for him.

Muli siyang umabante at sinubukang sumugod ngunit mas niyakap ko siya kasabay no’n ang nanginginig kong pagtawag sa kaniya.

“S-Seth, T-Tama na…” My voice was shaky as the worry and apprehension were feasting inside of me.

Naramdaman ko ang pagtigil niya at kahit nakapikit ako at matigas na pinigilan ang kaniyang katawan ay alam kong napatingin siya sa akin. The way his body trembled with uncontrollable rage toward his uncle told me everything—his patience had run out, and whatever favor or consideration he once had was gone. I had never seen him like this before. And watching him now, consumed by that fury, was utterly terrifying.

Malalim at mabibigat ang sunod sunod na paghinga niya bago ko naramdaman ang pagtuwid niya ng tayo. Dahan-dahan kong minulat ang aking mga mata at inangat ang tingin para sa sulyapan siya. He was already looking at me with his face under the darkness of his fury but his eyes never hid how soft he was for me.

“One more word about my wife, and you’ll be dead. I don’t fucking care if you are my uncle! My flesh and blood, my relative. I’ll bury you deep!” He warned, eyes still looking down at me.

Ramdam ko ang panginginig sa takot ng aking katawan. Hindi ko na nga natatandaan kung papaano ko nilipad ang gate ng apartment papunta sa kanila na nagsasapakan na sa hindi kalayuan sa amin. Hindi ko aakalain na nandito at pupunta ang tiyuhin niya.

Humalakhak si Tito Syrius niya na tila sadya para mas lalo mapikon si Seth. Sinilip ko siya at kitang kita ko ang pagdidilim ng kaniyang mukha habang humahalakhak. Dalawang armadong lalaki ang kasama niya na nasa magkabila niyang gilid at tutok na tutok sa amin ang mga baril ngunit hindi naman sila nagpapaputok.

“You think I’m scared? Come on, do better! Sa tingin mo madadala mo na ako sa mga pang bata mong panakot dahil lang pinaubaya ko ang pwesto sayo? The power makes your head bigger yet it is still hollow as ever!” Halakhak niya ngunit nang dumapo ang aking mata sa kamay niya ay doon ko napagtanto na ginagawa niya ‘yon para sagarin ang pasensya ng kaniyang pamangkin.

Naalerto ako at mabilis na yumakap kay Seth nang madama ko ang pag-galaw at pagsubok na umabante.

“Seth, please! Tama na.”

“Get inside, Wife.” He said firmly. Parang hindi niya man lang narinig ang aking pakikiusap at mas lumamig pa ang kaniyang boses.

The people were watching us as if we were in some drama that was filming! May mga nakatayo na nanonood sa amin at nakalabas ang kanilang mga phone na pawang kinukuhanan ang eksena ng video. Walang pumipigil sa kanila dahil ang mga Men in Black ni Mayor ay mga nakaposisyon at nakatutok ang baril sa tiyuhin ni Seth at sa dalawang tauhan nito.

Alam ko naman na walang pakialam si Seth kung kumalat ito o kahit man lang may makaalam pero sa pagkakataon na ito, hindi ko maiwasang matakot dahil hindi lang ang kung mayron kami ang kakalat, kundi ang lahat lahat ng mga bagay na alam kong mas magandang hindi nalalaman ng iba.

Help me please!

Chapter 44

CHAPTER 44

Sever

“Shoo! Youw bad! I hate you! Stay away!” Sander cried while punching Tito Syrius’ legs. Everyone was startled and stared at the young man who kept on punching Tito Syrius.

“S-Sander,” I uttered under my breath, shocked and nervous. My hands, which were pushing and hugging Seth, slowly loosened.

What is he doing there?!

Hindi ko maiwasan na mas lalong kabahan lalo pa’t alam kong nasa gitna ng pagkakainitan ang dalawa, and as much as I make myself believe that Tito Syrius will not do any harm to Sander I couldn’t help but to bring myself on my edges.

“Sander! Son, come here.” Seth called his son but the young man didn’t even look at him as if Sander didn’t hear him as he continuously punched Tito Syrius.

“I hate youw, youw making my daddy angry! Youw are a bad man.” He cried.

Napadapo ang natatakot kong mata sa kay Tito Syrius, and my eyes widened a bit when I caught how his eyes turned soft and vulnerable towards the boy. The sharp expression and the fury that had been surging on his face earlier instantly vanished as the shock that came from the sudden presence of Sander in front of him struck him. For a moment, I suddenly wondered if I’d ever seen him be that soft towards anyone. For a couple of chances, I met him… I’ve never seen him like this…

“S-Sander,” He muttered, shocked mixed with affection rings in his voice.

I suck a breath when he suddenly fell to his knees. His hands held Sander’s small hands, stopping the young man from punching him. It was not a move out of fury, defense, or out of hostility, rather it was out of care, a move to stop him from getting himself hurt.

Gumalaw si Seth kaya napabalik ang tingin ko sa kaniya. His face was still under the darkness of fury but what caught my attention was the puzzled look he was throwing to them. His eyebrows were meeting yet his jaw still clenching, teeth still gritting.

“S-Seth, please… Kumalma ka.” I plead.

He never pulled his eyes back from them, but his reaction says he heard me.

“Wife, my son… I need to take my son away from him.” He said steadily.

I nodded frantically. “O-Oo pero… Kumalma ka na muna.”

Seth swallowed hard as he stared into my eyes. I know that he badly wants to get Sander—his son away from his uncle but the fury surging through him now was making me crumble second by second.

Sa galit na nakikita ko sa kaniyang mga mata, sa pag-iigting ng kaniyang panga ay sapat na sa akin para lang makuha na nasa dulo na ang pagtitimpi niya at isang utos niya lang sa mga Men in Black niya ay alam kong uulan ng bala dito.

No! He wouldn’t do that, you idiot! He can’t afford to bore a bullet into his son’s body.

“Please,”

Umagang umaga at ganito agad ang bungad, ang sikat ng araw na tumatama sa aming balat ay umiinit sa bawat pag daan ng sandali. This is not how I looked forward to this day, I was about to go out and process some papers. At napagplanuhan ko na rin na dumaan sa university para opisyal na makapagpaalam.

Seth’s jaw tightened more. Hindi ko alam kung kahit magmakaawa pa ako ay gagana pa rin sa kaniya.

“I will, but I need my son to get away from that cunt!” He said with finality.

My shoulder dropped as my last hope disintegrated.

Marahan niyang hinawakan ang kamay ko at kinalas iyon. And one swift motion, he moved towards his uncle and his son—snatching his son away.

I watched them freeze. And that’s when I realized that I was dumb to ask him to calm down when he was under the impression of hostility.

Tito Syrius’ men suddenly moved, they pointed their guns towards Seth, and I heard their guns clicking indicating that their guns were activated and could fire at him.

“S-Sander,” Tito Syrius gulped as his eyes softened while staring at Sander. At that moment, a weird thing suddenly popped up in my mind. It was something that was far from unusual for me to think.

That look! The way his eyes stared at Sander was telling something, it was as if his unsaid words were shouting through his eyes, a story that was meant to be told, a voice that was meant to shout and scream—the reality, the truth.

“Shut your fucking mouth!” In a swift motion, Seth was able to pull his son away from his uncle without an attack—a scene.

Binuhat ni Seth si Sander na mabilis namang yumapos ang bata sa kaniyang leeg. Sander buried his face in his father’s neck.

Tito Syrius’ jaw clenched as his eyes slowly bore into Seth. Bumalik ang pagtigas at pagtalim sa galit ng kaniyang mga mata.

“Y-You better take that position back or you’ll lose something you hold treasurably. We never backed down. A Del Prado never backs his fucking ass down!” Tito Syrius said before he signaled his men and walked towards a black van.

As he reached the van’s door, he shot a glance at us, especially at Sander before he sighed and got into the van and left.

Tila naubos ang lakas ng aking katawan nang nawala sa paningin ko ang sasakyan nila. My body fell to the ground as I felt my whole body weaken, as if my very last energy finally let go. In my knees, I was like a newly trained cub trying to walk on my own.

Hindi alintana ang dumi ng sahig, ang tinginan ng mga tao, at ang init ng araw na ngayon ay mas lumalakas. Hindi ko kailanman nakaranas ng ganitong gulo, ng ganitong klase ng takot. All my life I’ve lived in peace. Bagaman kapos, masaya at payapa naman!

Tumingin ako kay Seth na ngayon ay naglalakad na papunta sa akin habang buhat buhat ang batang si Sander. His eyes lingered on my face as if he was calculating or reading my emotions, and what was inside my mind.

Anger coiled within me, blooming and slowly burning me inside.

Hindi na nila nirespeto ang burol ni Nanay! Naiintindihan ko na may alitan silang magkapamilya, but they should at least go to another place and do their war there! This is my mother’s wake for fuck sake!

And, they didn’t even think about it! They disrespect me, my Nanay, and all of the people who were mourning here!

The massive fear I had felt earlier magically turned into tremendous anger.

And as for this man, maybe it was my mistake for not dealing with him earlier! I should have talked to him and broken our relationship apart the moment I caught him with his lies and secrets! I shouldn’t let that pass and tore my mind from it!

“Wife, are you okay?” He asked, concern lorded his voice.

“Leave,” I uttered, firm and final.

Iniwas ko ang tingin ko sa kaniya dahil nagsisimulang sumikip ang aking dibdib. I feel my friend’s presence beside me while I was still sitting poorly on the cemented cold floor. Ramdam ko rin ang mga maliliit na batong bumabaon at nagdadala ng kirot sa balat ko.

Jenny held my shoulder and tried to pull me up.

“W-Wife,”

“I said leave…” I repeat.

“No!” He declined.

Irritation burst and bloomed inside me. How dare he!?

I slowly raised my gaze to him. His bloodshot eyes welcomed mine, and the defiance was evidently showing in them. “I said leave, leave me and my family alone. We’re done, I am fucking breaking up with you!”

Umiikot ang utak ko sa lahat na pati ata na maisip ang bagay na nandito si Sander at buhat buhat niya ay hindi ko na naisip pa. I wanted to end the cords that are connecting us, the relationship that we built from his secrecy and lies was killing me. I never wished for these things to fall upon me, I never wished, in my entire life, for a man who thought that being in a relationship was just one-sided. Heck! I didn’t even expect to be in a relationship!

Relationship is a two-sided street, two people connecting with one another! Trust was given, and honesty and loyalty are the only things that must be returned.

He thought that the relationship would work only with feelings and emotions—with only love. Curse him then!

Nangilid ang luha ko dahil sa mga bagay na umikot sa aking isipan.

“No, we’re not breaking up, and please let’s talk about this when our baby is not here…”

And now, he is trying to pull the card of that “our baby” on me! Damn him! He knew that Sander had always been in my soft and weak spot.

I could feel the nerve on my temple throbbing. I expected that he would reject my decision, and I also knew that breaking up with him would never be easy. Heck! My boyfriend, no, my ex is fucking obsessed with me, and I don’t find it fancy.

Nangilid lalo ang luha ko dahil sa tila nagbara ang mga salita sa aking lalamunan na gusto kong bitawan sa kaniya.

“Come on, Wife. We will talk about it but for now please.”

I suck a breath, trying to remove the vile on my throat. It needs to end, and it will end here. Wait, I remember that I already broke our relationship apart.  Sa apartment ko, so why would I do it again?

My eyes drew sharply as I stared at his bloodshot eyes. Ha! He didn’t recognize or acknowledge my decision, so why would he do that now?

Nanlabo ang mga mata ko, kasabay no’n ang pagtulo nang sunod sunod na luha mula sa aking mga mata.

“I already told you that I want us to separate, to sever the ties between us… Nakipaghiwalay na ako sayo! Sa apartment ko pa lang… At… At uulitin ko ngayon, sa harap ng mga tao, sa harap ng kaibigan ko… Seth, Ayoko na!”

Dumaan ang sakit sa mga mata niya dahilan para sumikip ang aking dibdib. The air between us suddenly became heavy and thick that making it hard for me to breathe, it was as if they were choking me to death.

His jaw was clenching while his eyes stayed bloodshot looking at me, the pain dancing in his eyes was showing.

“And I never agreed to it, I promised that I’ll be better, I’ll… I’ll treat this issue that you hate so much so that I can be deserving to stay with you. I promise you and I will do it… I love you and no one will ever change that.”

“Taray!” Jenny reacted playfully as she held me firmly.

I gulped, my heart started to hammer inside my chest and the tears continuously fell from my eyes.

“H-Hindi mo ba naiintindihan? A-Ayoko nga ng ganito… Hindi maganda ‘to! Nasasaktan ako hindi lang ako nagsasalita, tinitiis ko pero hindi ko na kaya!” I confessed. Pain and anger mix within me.

Naiintindihan ko naman ang mga pinaliwanag niya sa akin, na nagawa niya iyon dahil sa plano nilang mahanap ako… But what hurt me was that he had a chance to tell me the truth, but he didn’t. He kept it hidden until I uncovered it by myself.

I gave him a chance the first time he kept things behind our relationship, the cords, the strings that were connected from him to other people. Sa totoo nga lang hindi ko kailanman narinig na nagkwento siya sa kung ano ang nakaraan niya.

Maybe for him, he thinks that it was unnecessary to talk about since it was long behind him—his past. But for me, it was important because it was the first step for me to know him, to feel him, and to understand the reason why he became the person he is today!

Maybe, I was blinded by my love for him, the respect was never there in the first place!

All those things, he chose to keep from the person he keeps on telling that he loves… He chose to be untransparent…

I sobbed as I washed away the tears from my face.

“I gave you… Your chance! Binigay ko sayo iyon, Seth, no’ng sandali na nalaman ko ang tungkol sa anak mo na matagal mo na palang alam… Dahil ano? Dahil mahal kita… And you promised me that you’ll be honest and keep no secrets from me, for our relationship to be better! Pero ano ginawa mo! Hindi ka naging tapat!”

Tiim bagang lang siyang nanahimik, walang sagot ang lumabas sa kaniyang bibig. Na para bang ninanamnam niya ang bawat sakit na nang gagaling sa mga salitang binibitawan ko. Sakit na mula sa katotohanan na pinagkait niya sa akin.

“I’m done being a slave of this love I have for you! I’m done!”

Namilog ang mata niya at pawang hahakbang papalapit sa akin ngunit natigil nang sunod sunod akong umiling.

“W-Wife…”

“Hindi, Seth. Sa lahat ng bagay na nagawa mo, sa lahat ng sakit na nakuha ko sayo, ang nangyari… Ang nangyari ngayon na gulo ay hindi ko na mapapalagpas! You and your uncle disrespect the wake of my Nanay! You brought your problem right here and then, instead of choosing a quiet place and resolve it! You chose to fight, and you chose to disrespect!”

Lumambot ang mata niya at tila paiyak na. He swallowed deep and hard, as if he were composing himself.

“How about me, Wife? You think that I feel nothing? I’m hurting too! Every moment, every second that I feel that the gap, the distance between us is growing… It’s breaking me! I wanted to hold you, to feel you, but I know that I was not in the place to push it… I did you wrong, yes, but I was willing to make it straight, to make amends. Please, Wife.”

Namilog ang mata ko dahil sa mga narinig ngunit mabilis ko rin inalis at binalik sa dati. Oo nga naman, nasasaktan siya. Pero kailangan ko pa rin bang mag-adjust at magpatawad dahil lang do’n. It was not I who caused all of this pain between us. Hindi ako! Pero bakit para nakakaramdaman ako ng panghihina dahil lang sa mga sinabi niya? Is it wrong to let go?

Gumalaw si Sander sa balikat niya kaya napatingin ako do’n, tumagal ang tingin ko sa bata at pawang hinintay kung mag-re-react ba siya. Nang hindi siya gumalaw at parang nakatulog na nga sa balikat ng Tatay ay mabilis kong iniwas ang aking mga mata.

The pain inside my heart grew even bigger and heavier. I don’t want to get him involved with this, but I knew that it wasn’t possible. He is Seth’s son, and what happened between me and Seth will eventually affect him.

“Tapos na tayo, puwede ka nang umalis.” I said in finality before I walked into our house. I didn’t wait for him to say more, it’s not because I don’t want to listen to him but because I know that one more word, all will be lost in me. The firmness and finality of my decision would break if I hear him say more, to hear how much pain he had.

Pagpasok ko sa loob ay sumalubong sa akin ang mga kapatid ko at si Tatay. They looked at me with concern in their eyes, the eagerness in their eyes to ask me was evident but they chose not to.

I sat on the sofa and cried my heart out. Tama naman ang desisyon ko! Tama naman diba? We need to separate because we are both damaged like a damn thing! He needs to amend himself, his obsession needs to be dealt with. While me? I need to move on and let go of everything that held me poisonously!

Sobrang basag ako! Sa tiwala, sa pagmamahal at sa pagbibigay ko ng buo kong sarili hindi lang sa kaniya kundi sa mga taong nasa paligid ko.

Nanay and Tatay were part of the plan, and it still hurts me even though I accept that they had their reasons! It still has pain to sting!

Both of them chose to lie, to keep the truth from me. Fed me with information about my parents that was far from the truth. They chose to lie because they thought that it was for the best, but they also didn’t think about me breaking from it.

And him? The first and only man I chose to entrust my heart with. The man I love truly and completely, without lies, secrecy, and with all honesty. Without pride, without anything that I know could break us. He chose to break me! Hurt me!

At kahit anong sabihin niyang hindi niya sinadya na saktan ako, the thought of him choosing to keep things from me rather than to be honest—being transparent was enough evidence that he was absentmindedly intending to hurt me.

To be in love, to be with someone you love is to be honest.

Ilang oras din akong umiyak lang habang inaalwanan ako ni Jenny at ng dalawa kong kapatid. They didn’t ask, they didn’t talk. They just stayed beside me, silently comforting me.

My heart is tightening every minute,it was like something was gripping my heart from the inside. Alam kong nasasaktan ako dahil sa nararamdaman ko. Mahal ko si Seth, hindi ko alam sa anong dahilan, minahal ko siya. Mahal na mahal, but the love that was forming and growing between us is not healthy. We’re broken, and even though we pushed to stay with our relationship, I know in the long run it will burn us both if we don’t fix and deal with our own issues.

Durog rin at nasasaktan ako hindi lang dahil sa kaniya, kundi dahil sa pagtatago at pagkawala ni Nanay. And I don’t think I was healthy and fine enough to be in a relationship that was slowly killing me too.

Lumipas ang araw ay hindi ko na nga rin pa nakita si Seth at si Sander sa bahay. I thought he would act like a stone age man who would force things in his own ways. But surprisingly enough, he accepted and respected me and my decision to separate from him. Hindi ko na nga rin alam kung paano niya nakuha ang mga gamit ni Sander na dala dala niya na nakalagay sa taas, sa pangalawang palapag ng bahay nang hindi ko man lang napapansin.

Hindi na rin ako nagtanong pa sa mga kapatid ko o kahit pa kay Tatay tungkol ro’n.

Mama and Kuya Damian went to our house on the 4th and 5th days of Nanay’s wake. They stayed all day and mourned with my family, even though, they had no connections with them. I think of it as their way of respect, and also to finally accept things.

I love Nanay, and I love my family. My two brothers and Tatay. They were the ones who became my strength and my motivation to keep going in life. And now, Mama and Kuya Damian embraced them as if nothing horrible had happened between them, to us it was like a god’s hands hugging me wholly.

“Ate, nasa labas na ‘yung kukuha sa kabaong ni Nanay. Ayos ka na ba?” Tanong ni Ramon sa akin habang sinusuri ko ng mabuti ang aking itsura.

Kagabi kasi ay umiyak lang ako ng umiyak, hindi ko rin naman namalayaan na tatamaan ako sa mga trip nina Jenny at Kuya Damian na uminom ng alak. We played some card games and the punishment was drinking a shot of alcohol. And guess what? Ako ang talo, at ako rin ang nalasing.

Maga ang dalawa kong mata, at namumula rin ang aking pisngi. Hindi ko alam kung mula ba iyon sa init ng tanghali o dahil pa rin sa may tama ako.

I glance at my brother who was standing by the last step of our stairs. Poging pogi sa ayos at sa suot na puti.

Tumango ako. “Okay, Mon. Ayos na ako, bababa na rin ako.” Sagot ko sabay gawa ng ngiti sa kaniya.

I’m wearing a white polo dress, tucked in inside the belt of my pants. I give a final check to my whole appearance before plastering a smile, trying to hide the pain lingering within me.

Huling araw na makikita ko ang itsura ni Nanay. At ito na rin ang araw na ihahatid na siya sa paghihimlayan niya. Hindi ko alam kung paano magiging takbo ng buhay ko at ng aking mga kapatid gayon wala na si Nanay.

I sighed. Matibay naman ang loob naming apat, at alam kong makakayanan namin ito. Iaahon ko sila sa hirap at iyon ang nasisigurado ko. Magulo man ang isip at puso ko sa ngayon pero alam kong makakayanan ko iyong tuparin.

Chapter 45

Chapter 45

Gone

I thought my future days would be relaxing and comfortable, but I was wrong. Every day that passed, something inside my heart became void, like a small hole growing bigger day by day.

The mass has already begun and my mind is still flying somewhere. My heart feels heavy, na para bang may nakadagan na sobrang bigat.

I looked at the priest who was preaching about life after death—how easy and light life would be with God above. Isinasaad niya rin ang kapayapaan, ang kapatawaran at ang mga bagay na dapat gawin sa mga ala ala at pangaral na iniwan ni Nanay sa amin. Sa tapat ng altar ay naroroon ang puting kabaong ni Nanay na siyang binibigyan ng basbas at gabay papuntang…

Tahimik ang lahat ng naririto at wala nagsasalita. Walang nagbubulungan na siyang madalas kong nakikita pagnagsisimba kami. Sa bahaging gilid ng aming inuupuan ay sina Mama at Kuya Damian na diretsong nakatingin sa harap, kasama nila si Jenny do’n.  Hindi ko nga inaasahan na sasama sila sa amin para makipag-libing dahil na rin sa nakaraan na nangyari.

Katabi ko naman sa mahabang upuan sina Tatay at aking tatlong kapatid. They were listening attentively to what the priest was saying. Pero ako? Hindi ko alam bakit tila hindi ko magawang makinig

Seth never showed himself again after that day, and three days had passed and he never came back. At simula no’n hindi na nawala sa akin ang sikip na nararamdaman ko. I supposedly feel happy and content because finally, he respects my decision. Na dapat ang nararamdaman ko ay magaan na at hindi tulad nito na nasasaktan.

I shouldn’t feel hurt, right? Then why the hell does it feel like I’m the one he left—like he’s the one who broke up with me?

Pero wala! Nasasaktan ako dahil feel ko ay tinanggap na niya na wala na kami. Na ayoko na… At ‘yon ang isang bagay na pinagtataka ko dahil…

Bakit ang dali-dali?

Tanqa ka ba? Tinaboy mo na yung tao tapos…

And what messes with my head even more is that I was the one who pushed him away. I broke up with him. So why the hell do I feel like this? Out of place. Hurt. Lost.

“Ginawa ang tao, tayo ng panginoon nang hindi perpekto… Na inilagay tayo sa mundo upang magkamali sa buhay at matuto… Makakagawa tayo ng kasalanan na maaring hindi natin sinasadya o ginusto…” The priest said that made my eyes flicker to him.

“Magkamali man tayo… At matuto, ang panginoon ay handang magpatawad at tanggapin ka ng buong buo. Ang mga kasalanan na gawa ng ating mga kapwa sa atin ay maaaring makapanakit sa atin, makasira sa atin at nakakagalit… Pero mabigat at masakit sa dibdib ang nagtatanim ng galit sa kapwa… Kaya sana ay matuto tayong humanap ng kapatawaran para sa ikakapayapa nating lahat.”

I smirked humorlessly. Hindi ko alam kung tama ba ang pagkakarinig ko o iyon talaga ‘yon. I always heard this preached everywhere—in the church, from the older people, and even from Nanay. I always heard it, forgiveness to whoever people who did you wrong, no matter what the weight of their sins, or how deep they reach, forgiveness will be the answer to find peace. Oo at naniniwala ako na kapayapan hindi lang sa kapaligiran ang maidudulit ng pagpapakatawad kapwa kundi pati na rin sa sarili.

But what about my self-respect? If someone hurts, disrespects me, and I still choose to forgive them… then what does that say about how I see myself?

Naputol ang pag-iisip ko nang nagsalita ang pinaka-nakakabata kong kapatid.

“Kahit ninakawan ka o sinalvage ka? Papatawarin pa rin ba?” Pabulong na tanong ni Bune na kinabaling ko sa kaniya.

I looked at her sharply with the same expression I had for the past 3 days. At kahit nakakatawa ang pagkakatanong niya ay hindi ko magawang matawa o makangiti man lang. It was as if something had finally died inside of me.

“Shhh! Ang ingay mo.” Mariin na saway sa kaniya ni Ramon.

Bumusangot siyang humarap at nanahimik. 

“Nasa simbahan na tayo, puro kalokohan pa rin nasa utak mo. Parang hindi ka babae, sana multuhin ka ni Nanay.” Bulong pa ni Ramon.

“Nye nye! Ingay mo, bakla ka ba?”

“Tama na ‘yan. Makinig kayo.” Saway ko sa kanila lalo pa’t hindi pa tapos ang mga sinasabi ng pare.

Nanahimik naman silang dalawa ngunit mula sa gilid ng aking mata ay kitang kita ako ang pagtatapunan nila ng tingin. Alam kong nag-aasaran silang dalawa.

“Pero hindi ibigsabihin na gagawa tayo ng pagkakamali nang hindi natututo ha? Aba’y katangahan na ‘yon.” Aniya na kinatawa ng marami.

For the past 3 days, after that scene. Everything feels so blank, my mind, my heart, everything feels like nothing like a voided sea of space. Naguguluhan ako dahil bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko? I should feel light and free but all I feel is the opposite.

Iniisip ko na lang na baka dahil lang ito sa nasanay ako sa presensya niya at ngayon na wala na’t hindi nagpapakita ay hinahanap ko… Maybe I was just missing his presence. That’s all, right?

Right.

Matapos ang misa at basbas kay Nanay ay tumulak agad kami papunta sa paglilibingan niyang sementeryo. It was the same cemetery where my grandparents were buried. Her parents, my lolo and lola.

Sa sementeryo, puno ng mga puntod at nag-gagandahan, makukulay, at magagarang museleo. Ang simoy ng hangin ay sariwa at may bahid ng init mula sa masiglang araw. This will be the place where my Nanay will be for the rest of the Earth’s time. 

I inhaled deeply and shut my eyes tightly. My mind is still in a mess, but I need to compose myself dahil ayokong mahalata ng mga kapatid ko at nila Tatay na may bumabagabag sa aking isipan.

“Nay!”

“Mahal,”

And just when I thought my mind couldn’t get any worse, and my emotions couldn’t be more unsettled—I was wrong. Because the moment I saw them slowly lowering the coffin into that cold, dirt, square-like tomb… everything burst out of me.
My emotions poured like a damn river, wild and unstoppable… Na wala na akong ibang maisip kundi ang kung papaano ko makakaya lahat.

Na akala ko sa mga dumaan na araw, okay na ako at tanggap ko na wala na ang babaeng nagpalaki sa akin, na kaya ko nang yakapin ang katotohanan na hindi ko na maririnig ang malambing niyang boses. Na hindi ko na maririnig ang mga pangaral niya sa tuwing bumabagsak at nalulugmok ako sa buhay.

And all those thoughts swirled and seized my mind. I cried, and I knew those tears weren’t just for her, but for everything I’ve been through these past years. The longing. The guilt. The pain. And the grief—not just for her, but for the relationship I chose to let go of.

“Ate, wala na si Nanay, wala na talaga akong Nanay.” Pagtangis ni Bune habang mahigpit na yumayakap sa akin.

I caressed her hair and back to comfort her despite the tears that were flowing from my bare eyes. Everyone was quiet, a silence for grieving, and expressing the pain because of the loss. 

I looked at my brothers, they were crying silently, but I knew how much pain they were holding in.

Then my eyes shifted to Tatay. He was crying openly, loudly, without shame. Yet no one dared to stop him or even speak. He had just lost someone he held so dearly—half of his heart. His eyes showed just how unbearable it was to finally see the only woman he had loved for years being buried. And even though we’re not related by blood, I could feel his pain so clearly. I could feel how broken he was. How miserable it must be for him.

“Mahal! Gabayan mo ang mga anak natin ha… Samahan mo sila pag hindi nila ako kasama.”

“Binigyan mo pa ng trabaho si Nanay, Tay.” Iyak ni Bune mula sa aking yakap.

New sets of tears fell from my eyes, and the pain inside my chest intensified. I bit my lip as the sobs tried to escape from it.

I looked around at the people who were with us. There are lots of people who have come with us. Mga kapatid, kaibigan at mga taong malapit kay Nanay. Ang iba ay tumatangis, may ibang hindi. Ngunit bakas sa mukha nila ang lungkot at pighati dahil sa ito ang huling pagkakataon na makakasama namin si Nanay ng pisikal.

Wala sa sarili akong napabaling ang aking mata sa kaliwang bahagi ng mga tao. My eyes widened in shock when I spotted a familiar dark-hooded man standing at the back of the crowd. He was the same man who was following me for months.

Ngumisi siya sa akin at madilim na tumitig. Inangat niya ang kaniyang kaliwang kamay kaya napunta ro’n ang aking mga mata. He then pointed the watch on his hand as if he was trying to say something, a warning.

Umalpas ang kaba sa aking dibdib dahil sa presensya niya. My mind was clouded with things that might happen. Paano kung may balak siyang masama? Na may gawin siyang hindi maganda? Is he ordered to harm me? To us?

My teary eyes stared at his smirking face. What more does his boss want from me? Nanay is gone, so no one will ever spill the truth about his boss.

He tilted his head as his eyes slowly moved to my Tatay. And it was enough for me to understand what he was planning to do.

Sobrang kumalabog ang puso ko dahil sa kaba. H’wag naman sana na pati si Tatay ay ipahamak pa nila. Hindi ako papayag, at kahit alam kong walang wala ako ngayon. Iisip ako ng paraan para lamang maprotektahan ang mga taong mahalaga sa akin.

What if I ask for help from Mama and Kuya Damian? I know they have power, and I’m pretty sure they’ll help me. At kahit magkaroon pa ng kapalit, okay na okay sa akin kahit ano pa man iyon basta masigurado kong walang masamang mangyayari sa pamilya ko.

My whole body froze, and even if I tried to move just my very toe, I couldn’t. Gusto kong kumilos kahit umiikot ang utak ko sa mga bagay bagay, dumagdag pa ang presensya ng lalaking ‘to. Gusto ko siyang puntahan kausapin ngunit ang katawan ko ay tila taliwas sa gusto kong mangyari.

Wala na akong nagawa pa nang ngumiti siya nang nakakapag patindig balahibo bago tumalikod sa akin at lumakad palayo. In that moment, I could feel the air from my throat finally have the freedom to escape. Habol habol ang aking hinihinga kasabay ang pagbuhos ng mga luha ko sa aking mga mata.

I’m scared, I am fucking terrified by all possibilities of what he could do to harm me, to harm us.

Napabalik ako mula sa pagkakatitig kung saan naglakad paalis ‘yung lalaking nakaitim nang naramdaman ko ang mainit na palad na humawak sa aking balikat. Napabaling ako sa may ari no’n at sumalubong sa akin ang mukha ni Mama na mataman akong pinagmamasdan.

“What’s wrong?” She asked concernedly. Her eyebrows were meeting in the middle as she looked at me with her eyes softly.

Napalunok ako at kinakabahan na tiningnan ang paligid. Mukha dahil sa pagkakatitig ko ay hindi ko na namalayan na natabunan na ang kabaong ni Nanay. Kinakausap na rin ni Tatay ang mga lalaking nagbaba kay Nanay.

“Wala po,” Sagot ko nang muli kong binaling ang mata sa kaniya.

Ngumiti siya sa akin ng matamis bago inabot ang aking mukha at marahan na pinunasan ang mga luha sa aking pisngi.

May mainit na kamay ang humaplos sa aking puso dahil sa kaniyang ginawa.

“I know something is wrong, Anak. You don’t need to hide from me, I can feel it but I won’t force you. Basta laging mong tatandaan nandito lang ako.”

At kahit binabagabag ng mga iniisip, sumilay ang ngiti sa aking labi.

“S-Salamat po, Mama.”

Her smile grew wider as she nodded. She then looked at Bune who was still hugging me while silently crying.

“Oy, ano ‘to. Pamilya rin ako ba’t kayo lang ha.” Biglang saad naman ni Kuya Damian at umakbay pa kay Mama.

Natawa kaming dalawa ni Mama sa kaniya. Somehow, their presence made my heart feel light. Despite the turmoil and venomous thoughts lingering in my mind, they manage to ease it out of me for a bit.

“Wala naman, Kuya. Seloso ka!”

“Talaga! Mahirap na baka sinusulot mo na ang Mama ko.”

“Damian,” Mariing saway ni Mama sakaniya at natatawa.

Natikom niya ang bibig at pinanlakihan lang ako ng mata. Bune seemed to notice their presence and was able to hear the words they said, kaya napaka-kalas siya sa akin habang sumisinghot pa.

She looked at me with her reddened eyes.

“Ate,” Aniya.

Ngumiti naman ako, pilit na tinatago ang lahat.

“Bakit?”

“Ate, gusto ko maging katulad mo. Maganda at maayos.” Pabulong niyang sabi sa dulo.

Nangunot ang noo ko at mapanghanap na tinignan ang mga mata niya.

“Maganda ka naman ah, dungisin nga lang.” Pang-aasar ko, sinusubukan pagaanin ang lahat.

Ngumuso siya bago suminghot ulit.

“‘Yun na nga eh, gusto ki maging maganda at malinis tingnan, maayos at hindi tulad ng galaw ko… Para kasu akong tomboy gumalaw.”

Natawa kaming tatlo nina Mama at Kuya Damian na nakikinig pala sa usapan namin ni Bune. Mas lalong napanguso si Bune na tila nahihiya at naasar.

“Bune, maganda ka at maayos. Hindi mo kailangan isipin ang galaw mo lalo pa’t naayon lang naman yan sa edad mo. You’re just enjoying your youth and the spirit of being young that’s why you are acting that way, but one day, you’ll wake up and feel like a different person. Don’t rush yourself to grow up by changing your ways and actions.”

Nalukot ang mukha niya kaya mas lalo akong natawa.

“Ine-english mo pa ako, di ko tuloy naintidihan.”

Nagtawanan kaming lalo dahil sa kaniyang sinabi. Hindi ko alam na sa paraan at sa mumunting pag-uusap namin na iyon ay napagain nito ang nararamdaman ko, at kahit sa sandali lang ay nakalimutan ko ang takot na nararamdaman at naiisip. 

Ilang minuto pa kami nanatili doon at umuwi na pagkatapos. May onting handa rin sa bahay na pinagsaluhan ng mga taong nakiramay at nakipaglibing.

Lunes na lunes rin ay bumalik agad ako sa San Fuego dahil may klase pa kami. Tapos na rin ang leave na kinuha ko sa trabaho ko sa coffee shop kaya hindi na rin ako puwedeng magtagal.

At mas lalo lang din sumasampal sa akin ang epekto nang walang paramdam na si Seth at kahit man magsinungaling ako ay alam kong totoo na inaasahan ko na magpaparamdam. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ko inaasayan, siguro dahil na rin sa nasanay nga ako sa ugali niyang makulit at mapilit pagdating sa gustong palagi akong nakikita.

Wala na rin akong naging balita kay Sander simula nung araw na ‘yon, at kahit dumaan ang biyernes, sabado at linggo ay tila hangin at uwak lang ang namayagpag sa paligid ko kakahintay.

Tanqa at baliw na siguro ako? Hindi dahil sa ginawa ko kundi sa nagiging kilos at sa mga iniisip ko matapos king putulin na ang mayro’n kami.

Tanqa dahil sino ba ang taong maghahanap matapos na itaboy yung taong hinahanap niya!

Baliw dahil hinahanap hanap ko ang amoy, presensya at kahit ang init ng katawan niya sa tuwing magkadikit ang aming balat, lalo na ang pagiging buntot at pagiging makulit niya—na isa sa mga bagay na pinilit kong maging dahilan para lang maisagawa ang planong pagputol sa amin.

Siguro nga tanqa at baliw na talaga ako.

Ala-singko ng hapon, habang kinukuha ko ang order ng customer nang dumapo ang mata ko sa itim na sasakyan na nakaparada sa labas at tapat mismo ng shop.

The mirror of the said car was heavily tinted, the reason why I couldn’t even have the look on who was the person inside.

“350 pesos po lahat, Ma’am. Cash po or card payment?” I asked the customer, my eyes darting to the car from time to time.

Inabot nung customer ang bayad niyang cash na siyang malugod kong kinuha. Sino kaya ang nasa loov no’n? At bakit hindi pa sila lumalabas para pumasok at umorder?

Are they even a customer of the shop? Or…

My heart raced as the thought of the black hooded man and his boss suddenly flashed in my mind.

Nanuyot bigla ang lalamunan ko at hindi na mapigilan ang sarili na sumulyap sa sasakyan. Dahil rin sa labis na kaba ay hindi ko namamalayan na tumagal na ang pagbibigay ko ng sukli sa customer.

“Miss?”

Tumikhin ako at napabaling sa magandang babae na na kanina pa pala ako tinitingnan.

“Uh… Yes, Ma’am. Sorry po, heto po ang sukli niyo.”

Ngumiti siya sa akin dahilan para mawala ang kaniyang mga mata dahil sa labis na kasingkitan. Maybe she’s Chinese or something…

“It’s fine. I just noticed that you keep glancing at that car.” She said meaningfully.

Mabilis akong umiling at nahihiyang ngumiti sa kaniya. Gosh! Napaka unprofessional, Riz.

“Ah, hindi po. Napapatingin lang po ako kasi kanina pa po naka park ‘yan sa labas.”

Her mouth formed an ‘o’ as she nodded.

“Anyway po, your order will be served shortly po. Hahatid nalang po sa table niyo po. Have a nice day po!”

“Thank you.” She then glanced at my name tag.”Riz,”

Hindi ko alam kung bakit biglang uminit ang pisngi ko sa kaniya dahil lang sa tinawag niya ang pangalan ko. It should be normal, right? Since it was my name and it was also part of our rules to show our name.

“T-Thank you rin po.”

“Marielle,”

“Thank you po, Marielle.”

She gave me a sweet smile before walking to where she chose to sit.

Sinundan ko lang siya ng tingin bago ako ulit mapasulyap sa itim na sasakyan na nasa labas. Sobra ang panghihinala ko ro’n ngunit pilit ko rin na iniwaksi sa aking isipan dahil baka nga nakikipark lang o may hinihintay. O baka naman ay customer sila at may ginagawa lang kaya natatagalan.

Nga lang, ang mga iniisip kong mga pang palubag loob na ‘yon ay na balewala dahil dumaan na lang ang break, lunch ay nandun pa rin iyon at walang tao ang lumalabas sa sasakyan.

Kaya sa bawat sandali na napapansin kong hindi gumagalaw ang sasakyan ay unting unting sumisibol ang kaba at bigat sa aking dibdib. Mabilis kong chinat ang mga kapatid ko at kinakumusta dahil hindi ako mapalagay. Na pakiramdam ko ay tama ang naiisip ko sa kung sino ang taong nasa loob ng sasakyan na yon.

Pag-uwi ko sa apartment ay hindi ko na rin napigilan at naiyak na lang ako sa lahat lahat. Sa bigat at sakit na nararandaman ko mula sa paghihiwalay namin ni Seth at ang takot para sa kaligtasan hindi lang para sa akinng sarili kundi na rin para sa aking pamilya.

My heart gets heavier as the tears keep pouring from my eyes. Bakit ganito? Ginawa ko lang naman ang bagay na nararapat eh. Na ginawa ko lang naman ang desisyon na alam kong tama para sa amin dalawa. Parehas kaming masisira at unti unti kakainin ng mga nangyayari sa pagitan namin… At sa bandang huli, masisira at masisira lang rin ang relasyon na mayro’n kami.

Pero hindi ko alam na ganito pala kasakit. Ang sakit sakit.

A loud pained sob burst out of my mouth. Nasasaktan rin kaya siya? Kasi ako oo eh sobrang sakit at bigat, tapos mayro’n pa akong kinahaharap na takot at pangamba para sa pamilya ko.

Iniyak ko lang ang lahat sa gabing ‘yon, binuhos lahat palabas sa pagbabaka sakaling mawawala ang lahat ng sakit.

Ngunit sa ilang linggo, na naging ilang buwan na dumaan ay tila isang mahigpit na tali ang nakapalupot sa puso ko dahil hindi nawala ang sakit at pangungulila ko sa taong ako mismo ang tumaboy.

Though, I was able to console and busied myself with the other things that I knew were important, tulad na lang ng pagaaral ko.

At sa ilang buwan na lumipas, marami ang naganap at nabago. Una na ro’n ang pagigint bagong Mayor ng kapatid kong si Kuya Damian ng San Fuego. Tinotoo pala ni Seth ang pagbaba niya sa puwesto na siyang pinangako nito sa akin. Nga lant hindi lumabas ang interview at kahit anong article pa tungkol sa sinasabi niya. Wala na rin talagang kahit anong balita sa kaniya kahit pa tungkol sa kung ano.

Madalas na rin ang pagpunta ni Mama sa shop para makasama at masulyapan ako. Iniimbita niya nga rin akong umuwi sa mansion nila dito ngunit hindi ko pa mapalugudan dahil sa naging busy na rin talaga ako lalo pa’t last semester na rin namin.

“Tulala ka na naman.” Ani Jennie nang mailapag ang pagkain na binili niya sa canteen.

Vacant time namin at mamaya pang alas-sais ang pasok namin sa isang subject kaya dito na lang namin napagusapan na ubusin ang vacant namin.

Mula sa pagkatulala sa pintuan ng canteen ay napunta sa kaniya ang aking mata. Jennie’s brow arched at me as she started to eat her food.

I shook my head and grinned at her.

“Wala, may naisip lang.”

She sighed.

“Sino? Si Mayor na naman?”

“Hindi ah,” Sagot ko at sinimulan na rin kainin ang burger at fries na hindi ko alam kung may lasa ba. Ang tabang!

“Te! Ako pa niloko mo, alam mong malakas ang pang amoy ko.”

Natawa naman ako bago ibaling sa kaniya ang aking tingin.

“Oo, pero pagdating nga lang sa sex?”

Mariin siyang tumitig sa akin ngunit may multo na ngiti sa mga labi.

“Truth, pero alam kong may iniisip ka. Kwento mo sa akin baka makatulong ako. Kung si Seth iyan at namimiss mo may mga balita ako tungkol sa kaniya.” She offered as she had the biggest bite I saw in my entire life for a 50-peso burger.

I rolled my eyes at her playfully, trying to cover the excitement about the news she mentioned.

She squinted her eyes at me as if she caught me doing illegal.

“Sus! Huli ko ‘yon. So heto na nga ang chika since hindi na nga siya tumakbong Mayor ng lugar na ‘to. Ang balita ko mula kay Daddy ay nasa Manila na raw si Seth ngayon at sobrang focus na sa kompanya nila.” Balita niya na para bang hiningi ko iyon sa kaniya.

I stared at her while processing every detail of what she said. Kaya pala hindi na rin siya nakikita dito sa San Fuego dahil busy na siya sa kompanya nila. And I guess he’s doing okay, good and fine kaya hindi ko na kailangan pang magtanong kung naapektohan rin ba siya tulad ko.

“How about Sander?” I voiced out what should only be in my mind.

Ngumisi si Jenny dahil sa tanong, marahil ay napansin ang pagiging aktibo ko bigla sa topic namin.

“Hmmm? Ang alam ko kasama na siya ni Seth at huling kong balita ay may ongoing na kaso ang Nanay ni Sander.”

Namilog ang mata ko at tila sumakit ang dibdib ko dahil do’n. Tinuloy din pala niya ang pagdedemanda kay Maurice. Pati rin kaya ang custody ni Sander ay inasikaso niya na rin?

Sobrang naging gaan bigla ng pakiramdam ko, na para bang ngayon lang ako ulit nakahinga ng sobrang luwag pagkalipas ng ilang buwan.

Namimiss ko na ang batang ‘yon. Namiss din kaya niya ako. Siguro naman naiintindihan niya ang nangyari sa pagitan namin dalawa ng Daddy niya at alam kong napaliwanag din iyon sakaniya ni Seth.

May tampo kaya siya sakin? Siguro, mayro’n dahil hindi man lang ako nakapag paalam sa kaniya. Ganun pa man, masaya ako sa mga narinig ko, na kahit siguro magbabad ako sa trabaho at sa pag-aaral ang hindi ako mapapagod.

“Mabuti naman, Ate.” I said with a wide and contented smile on my face.

She tilted her head and looked at me puzzled. Nangunot ang noo ko habang natatawa sa kaniya.

“You’re weird, bitch! Kanina ang lungkot mo, ngayon na may balita ako tungkol sa burat na lalaki na ‘yon naging masigla ka. Namimiss mo ‘no?” Makahulugan niya tanong sa huli.

Natawa na ako ng tuluyan, walang peke at purong tuwa.

“Gaga! Anong pinagsasabi mo diyan na namiss ko? Ginaya mo pa ako sa iyo!” I snarked at her.

Maarte siyang umirap habang natatawa sa akin bago patuloy na kinain ang burger niya. Sa araw na ‘yon naging masaya at magaan ang loob ko na hindi ko na nga alam kung kailan huling naging ganoon ang pakiramdam ko.

Hinei ko rin aakalain na kahit sa simple at maikling balita tungkol sa mag ama ay magiging mapayapa at masaya na ako. It felt like I was floating in the air the whole time I was on my shift. Na kahit pa ang tungkol sa black hooded man ay hindi ko na maalala.

Isang buwan ang dumaan at naging gano’n na ang pakiramdam ko, na para bang naging allowance ako ang balita na ‘yon. Naging maayos at mapayapa ang mga panahon na ‘yon. Naging masaya at maaliwalas ang pagtatapos ko sa taon ko na ‘yon sa college.

Ngunit lahat pala ng kasiyahan at kapayapaan ay talagang may hangganan. Na para bang hindi ka puwedeng sumaya nang pangmatagalan ng hindi ka magkakaroon ng problema o nang hindi ka masasaktan.

Isang gabi habang nagluluto ako ay biglang tumawag si Jenny. Wala akong pasok sa shop at kakatapos lang din bumisita sa Del Prusada, sa kanila Tatay. Tulad nang nakalipas na panahon, mapayapa at masaya ako. Nabawasan rin ang pangungulila ko sa dalawa, kahit may kaunting sakit, masaya pa rin at kinaya ko.

Mabilis kong dinampot ang phone kong nakapatong sa bago kong lamesang salamin na binili pa ni Mama para sa akin kasabay ng bagong sofa at bagong kama at vanity table sa loob ng kuwarto ko.

“Girl! Alam kong masaya kana at naka move on kana. Pero nakita mo na ba ang sinend ko sayo sa IG?” Bungad ni Jenny nang sagutin ko ang tawag.

“Huh? Hindi pa, nagluluto ako ng uulamin ko. Bakit? Ano bang mayro’n at para ka naman diyang kinakarat sa sobrang taranta.”

“Talantod ka! Wala pa nga akong karat eh, di pa kami nagkikita ni Alex.”

Namilog ang mata ko sa sinabi niya at hindi agad na nakasagot. Tumawa naman si Jenny mula sa kabilang linya nang mapansin ang pananahimik ko. Siraulo talagang babae ‘to! Walang pinipili! Akala niya naman hinihingi ko iyon sa kaniya!

“Charot lang, Ate! Pero tingnan mo ah, olay na ko sa ex mo na ‘yan. Akala ko loyal sayo at may balak pa siyang balikan ka tapos…”

Tila kinurot ang puso ko sa kaniyang sinabi. Alam ko na agad kung saan patungo at tungkol saan ang sinend niya sa akin.

“Hays! Sige na, Ate. Papunta ako ng club ngayon sa BGC, nakakahibang mga tranene sa poblacion. Mga warla! See you soon! Labyu.” Aniya bago patayin ang tawag.

Hindi na ako nakasagot sa kaniya at dali dali kong minanuubra ang aking phone papunta sa IG. Binuksan ko ang message niya ro’n. Isa iyong link patungo sa isang article.

And by the title of the link, I know that it’s about him. Kinabahan ako bigla habang nakatitig do’n. Ilang minuto pa bago ko iyong clinick at binuksan.

Sa bukungad palang sa akin ay tila kinurot na nang malakas ang aking puso.

Spotted: Ex-Mayor and CEO With New Woman — Romance or Business?

Former San Fuego Mayor and current DP Construction Firm CEO, Seth Adriel Del Prado, was caught yesterday in the company of former beauty queen and socialite Jenessa Madrigal at an exclusive Manila restaurant.

An insider leaked a photo of the pair, looking cozy and seemingly lost in their own little world—fueling speculation about the nature of their relationship.

Binasa ko ng mabilisan iyon at tumungo agad sa mga larawan. At kahit ilang buwan na ang lumipas ay para akong sinasapak sa kaba dahil sa sunod sunod kong nakita. Parehas silang nakangiti at masaya sa presensya ng isa’t isa. Seth was wearing his usual business attire while the said woman—Jenessa, was wearing a dress.

Mukhang date ang nasa larawan at hindi isang business meeting. At oo nga naman, bakit ka makikipagkita sa ka meeting mo ng kayong dalawa lang at sa iisa pang mamahaling restaurant.

At sa paraan ng pagtitigan nila, ang kinang sa mga mata nung Jenessa at sa ngiti na binibigay ni Seth ay sapat na iyon para maintindihan ko ang lahat.

Nag-init ang aking mata dahil sa nagbabadyang luha, ang paninikip ng dibdib kong hindi ko naramdaman sa ilang buwan na lumipas ay bumalik. I should feel happy for him, right? That he managed to set me free and find someone, someone who could let him be obsessed… Right?

But why does it feel hurt and burning? I’m the one who made the decision for us to break up, and I am the one who set him free… Pero maliwanag naman diba ang dahilan ko? Na kailangan niyang maagapan ang…

A knock on my door pulled me out of my train of thought. Pinunasan ko ang aking mata ang huminga ng malalim. May tao at kailangan kong magmukhang maayos. Isa pa, wala na akong magagawa kung sila man o kung ano man ang namamagitan sa kanila.

Kung nakamove on man siya, edi dapat ganun rin ako.

Naglakad na ako papunta sa pintuan matapos kong isa ayos ang aking sarili. Hininaan ko rin ang apoy sa kalan bago ako dumiretso.

Sino naman kaya ‘to pupunta sa akin ng ganitong oras? Si Alex? Puwede dahil ganito rin naman ang ginagawa niya dati pa. Pero baka magkasama sila ni Jenny ngayon.

Hindi rin naman puwedeng si Mama at Kuya Damian ito dahil magkasama lang kami kanina bago ako dumiretso pauwi.

Pagbukas ko ng pinto ay bigla akong nanigas sa kinatatayuan ko. My throat tightened and my breathing became fast. I could feel my legs wobbly as I looked at the man standing in front of me.

He was the black hooded man, smiling wickedly at me as his bloodshot eyes stared at me.

“It’s payback time,” He whispered darkly that igniting the fear within me.

Nanlalambot akong napatitig sa kaniya. At nang akmang kong isara ang pintuan ko ay mabilis niya binudol iyon dahilan para tumalsik ako paloob ng bahay. Rinig ko ang pagkakabagsag ng phone ko sa kung saan.

Ramdam ko ang sakit sa aking katawan dahil sa pagkakabagsakan at sa pagkakatilapon ko. Sa laki at lakas nang pagkakabundol niya ay hindi na rin iyon nakakapagtaka.

Hindi na ako makahinga dahil sa labis na takot na naamamayani sa aking kalooban. May tao naman, may kapitbahay ako. Makakahingi ako ng tulong!

But those thoughts immediately obliterate from my mind along with the fire of hope inside me when he harshly grabs my ankle and pulls me towards him.

Nagpumigla ako mula sa pagkakahawakan niya at sinubukan humanap nang pagkakapitan sa kung saan.

The man pinned me as he positioned himself on top of me. Muli akong nagpumiglas sa kaniya kasunod ng pagbalahaw ng iyak ko at paghingi ng tulong. Ngunit lahat ng ‘yon ay napatahimik nang malakas niya akong sinapak sa aking tyan dahilan para manikip ang boses ko sa lalamunan ko.

And before I could move a single skin, he launched another punch to my stomach and my face. Before putting me to sleep by masking my face with a smelly handkerchief.

Chapter 46

CHAPTER 46

WARNING: Violence, Profanities.

Chance

Nagising ako sa isang marumi at tila isang tambakan na lugar, my hands and feet were tied. There are some broken chairs and tables, at may mga nakikita rin ako mga kalat.

My heart hammered when I realized that I was kidnapped. My body feels exhausted, and I can feel some of my muscles throbbing and aching. Never in my entire life have I felt like this, too weary and weak as if I had done some hard things.

Napapagod naman din ako sa mga trabaho ko at sa gawain sa school, but the tiredness I was feeling at this moment was different.  Para akong binugbog o kung ano man.

Ginala ko ang aking tingin sa kabuohan ng lugar. Sa malayong likuran ko ay may mga nakatambak na upuan na pinagpatong patong, ang mga pader ay may mga sulat at mga kung anong salita. May naamoy din akong masangsang na amoy, at pawang mapanghe.

This space screams old and rotten, like the time forgotten that this place exists.

I grunted when I felt a pain sting in my stomach. I remember that the black hooded man punched me hard before he covered my nose with a handkerchief. Iyon ang huling ala-ala ko bago ako mawalan ng malay at ngayon magigising ako na nandito sa hindi ko alam na lugar.

And that’s the reason why I feel this way.

“Tulong!” I screamed, hoping that someone would be able to hear me and rescue me.  Pero kahit ilang beses akong sumigaw at maghanap ng tulong ay walang sumagot o dumugon.

Stupid of me to think that whoever is behind all of this would just put me in a place where someone can hear me. Syempre hindi! At sa tingin ko ay liblib ang lugar na ito at wala na talagang nagpupunta dito.

I wiggled my feet, sinusubukan kung makakalas ang lubid na ginamit para itali ang paa ko. Nang hindi nagtagumpay ay sinubukan ko ulit—nang paulit ulit.

Natigil lang ako nang makarinig ako ng isang pamilyar na iyak ng bata.

“D-Daddy, Mama R-Riz.” Cried by a little boy. Voice tinged with fear and longing.

My eyes widened and even though I was too exhausted—I pulled myself up and tried to walk to where the voice came from using my two feet tied up.

“S-Sander…” Pagtawag ko sa bata ngunit malakas na iyak lang ang sagot nito.

Bakit siya nandito? Anong ang kailangan nila sa bata at pati ito ay kinuha nila? For goodness’ sake!

“Sander! Baby, where are you?”

“M-Mama Riz?” Naiiyak niyang tanong sa di kalayuan.

“Yes, baby. Where are you?” Kahit hirap sa paghakbang gamit ang dalawang paang nakatali, sinikap kong lumapit kung saan nang gagaling ang boses niya.

“Mama Riz, it’s too dark po…” Suminghot siya. “I can’t see po. Where are you po, I’m scwared po.” Dugtong niya bago humagulgol ulit.

Natataranta ako dahil sa pagiyak niya.

“Baby, shhh. Stop crying, I’m here na. Stop crying…” Pag-alu ko habang pilit hinahakbang, palundag ang aking katawan mahanap lang siya.

“Mama Riz, where are you pow?”

“I’m here, Baby. Ikaw, saan ka? Nasa likod ka ba nitong mga upuan?” I asked worriedly. I tried to make my voice firm so that Sander wouldn’t think that I am weak and at my lowest which I am at the moment.

Rinig ko ang pagsinghot niya kasabay ang pagtunog ng isang kadena. “I-I don’t know pow, I can’t see pow.” He said between his cries.

Tila ako kinabahan sa kaniyang sinabi. What did he mean by he can’t see? Did they make him blind? God, please sana mali ang naiisip ko. At bakit ba kasi nila dinamay ang walang kamalay-malay na batang ito?

S-Siguro naman ay piniringan lang nila ang bata at…

If they were after me and they want to make me pay for whatever reason they have, then they shouldn’t drag Sander into this mess.

“D-Don’t cry na, Baby. I’m here, I’ll go there so please stop crying na.”

Hindi siya sumagot at tanging pagsinghot niya lang aking naririnig. I stopped on my track and looked around, trying to find something I could use to cut or destroy this thick effin rope around my feet.

Mapapagod ako kung patuloy kong gagawin ang paglundag at pagnangyari ay baka nakabalik na ang kung sino man na dumukot sa akin nang hindi ko pa rin napupuntahan si Sander.

My eyes landed on the broken chairs. Hindi ko naman puwede ipang-hati ang mga iyon sa lubid, or maybe I could use them as a supporter…

I sighed. No, they wouldn’t do!

Muli kong nilibot ang aking paningin sa paligid. This time I saw a thin steel that looks like a piece from a whole.

“Baby, wait mo ‘ko diyan ha? Don’t cry na, because strong and big boys don’t cry. Big boy kana diba?” I said, encouraging Sander.

I heard him sniff, along with the sound of chains moving.

“Y-Yes po… W-wait pow kita dito, Mama Riz. Be…Behave na pow ako, di na rin pow mag ka-crwy.”

I smiled and nodded, as if he could see me agree.

“Good, wait mo ko Baby,” I said before scanning the whole place again.

Lumapit ako sa sirang upuan at kahit hirap na hirap ay pinilit ko. I sat in front of the chair and positioned my two feet on one of the broken steel stands of it. Sinubukan kong ikuskos ‘yon do’n, nagbabaka sakaling mag simula iyon ng hiwa sa lubid.

Sinubukan ko iyon ng paulit ulit kahit nararamdaman ko nang nauubos na ang lakas ko. I can’t afford to pass out and leave Sander alone here. Hindi ako puwedeng maging mahina lalo pa’t hindi ko masisikmurang tumagal kami o si Sander sa ganitong lugar.

Ilang oras nga lang ang lumips ngunit konting hiwa palang ang nagawa sa lubid. Nauuhaw na rin ako na para bang nauubos na ang tubig sa aking katawan. I’m also wet because of continuously sweating.

“Mama Riz, s-saan ka pow?” Rinig kong pagtawag muli ni Sander sa akin.

Napahinto ako sa aking ginagawang pagkuskos do’n at napalingo sa mga tambak na upuan kung saan nasa kabila no’n si Sander.

“I-I’m here, Baby. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna leave you here. Don’t be scared and be strong for me, okay?” I assured him that despite the exhaustion I was feeling.

“Okay po… I’m strwong po.”

Tila kinukurot ang dibdib ko dahil sa kalagayan ni Sander. He didn’t deserve this! He shouldn’t be here with me! Hindi na dapat pa nila siya sinama rito.

They thought that Sander was sort of connected to me, dahil ba sa ex-boyfriend ko ang Tatay niya?

And how stupid the person behind all of this is to think of it that way!

Napaka bobo at tanqa niya kung gano’n!

“Mama Riz, where are you po? Sakit po ng kamay ko…” Tanong ulit ni Sander. Sweat is now pouring from my forehead down to my face.

I bit my lip and inhaled before answering him. I know that Sander is scared, he doesn’t need to say it but the way his voice sounded like it was enough to say it out loud.

“Wait, Baby. I’m still trying to untie my feet.” Sagot ko ulit bago inabot ang nakitang thin steel na paa ng upuan sa di kalayuan at sinimulan ulit iyon ikuskos.

I know that his father is now alerted that he was kidnapped. Kilala ko si Seth at pagdating kay Sander alam kong kikilos agad siya. Nga lang hindi ko alam kung saan lupalop kami nakalagay at dinala ng mga kidnapper.

My heart boomed with joy when the rope that was tied to my feet was successfully cut. Tila nawala ang nakasakal sa aking leeg nang matagumpay ko iyon na nakalas.

Dali dali akong tumayo at tumakbo sa mga upuan hawak hawak ang kapirasong bakal sa aking mga kamay.

I searched for a way through the pile of old and broken chairs and successfully went to Sander. The moment my eyes landed on his image, bumalik lahat ng kirot at bigat na nararamdaman ko para sa kaniya. I feel guilty because he was dragged in here just because his father was my ex, or at least that was one of the possible reasons why he was here!

Sander was sitting and leaning on the cold wall, eyes were blind folded, hands were tied by chains. Hindi ko na alam kung maiiyak ba ako pag nalaman pang naka-kadena rin ang mga paa niya.

He was still in his uniform, na para bang dinukot siya mula sa paaralan kung saan siya nag aaral.

“Sander,” I called him, achingly. It was not meant to sound like it but it is what I am feeling by the sight of him.

Mabilis na gumalaw si Sander nang marinig ang aking boses. He moves his head as if he can see me through the black linen that was covering his eyes.

“M-Mama Riz, where are you pow?” He called again, this time there’s a tinge of hope lingering in his voice.

I knelt before him, put the steel down, and held his head, I caressed his cheeks. Ang kirot at awa na aking nararamdaman ay mabilis na hinaluan ng galit at puot sa taong may kagagawin nito. Hindi ko alam kung ano pa nga ba ang kailangan nila sa akin at kailangan pang umabot sa ganito pero hindi ko lang matanggap na may madadamay pang ibang tao, lalong lalo na ay bata.

“Are you okay, Sander?” I asked worriedly. Mabilis ko rin sinubukan na tanggalin ang piring sa kaniyang mata at nagtagumpay naman.

Namumungas niya akong tiningnan at nang masiguradong ako nga ang kaharap ay mabilis na umiyak si Sander.

“M-Mama Riz! I’m strong pow, d-diba.” Iyak niya. Sumilay ang ngiti sa aking labi habang pinagmamasdan ang kaniyang mukha.

I know that he was just trying to be strong outside, to show me that he was just like his father, Seth. A strong and big man. Hindi man siguro iyon napansin ni Seth, but I noticed it. The way he looked at his father every time that we were together, how he scrutinized his father and his every move… I know that he was trying to imprint every movement, and characteristics of his father… And somehow, copy them to show how firm he is like his father.

Tumango ako sa kaniya at pinunasan ang mga luha niya. I let him cry on my hands as I wipe every tear that falls from his eyes. Ilang sandali pa kaming nasa ganon na posisyon bago siya tumahan. I just stayed by his side, assuring him and agreeing with every word he said… About how strong he is.

“Don’t cry na, Baby. I know naman na strong ka kaya stop crying na.”

Ngumuso siya habang namumula ang mata na tinitigan ako. “Okay po,” Diretso at hindi nabubulol niyang aniya, at suminghot bago mag patuloy. ” I miss you pow, Mama Riz. Daddy didn’t want me to go to you pow, did you two fight pow?” Tanong niya bigla sa akin, ang boees ay may bahid ng pagtatampo.

Namilog ang mata ko bago ko marahan na natawa. I brushed his now wet hair as I looked at him with adoration. Sander is really smart, huh? He even noticed that something is going on between me and his father… Just by that.

Ngumiti ako sa kaniya bago umiling.

“Wala naman, Baby. Siguro ayaw lang ng daddy mo na pumunta ka sa akin kasi busy siya at ganun din ako.”

I know that telling him the truth about what the real score is between me and Seth was easy, since he will understand it eventually. Alam ko na sa kaniyang edad ngayon ay may kakayahan na siya umunawa at makaintindi sa kung ano man ang nangyayari sa paligid niya.

Ngumuso sitya habang nasisinghot pa rin. “Eh kasi pow, Mama Riz. Daddy didn’t go in your place anymore tapos pow palagi niya pa pong kasama yung babae na palaging nakangiti pow. Nakakatakot pow siya, Mama Riz.” He said before he pulled his gaze away from me.

Babae?

Sinong babae? Iyon bang kasama niya sa restaurant, iyon ba ang tinutukoy niya.

“Sinong babae, Sander?”

Hindi siya sumagot at nanatiling naka-iwas ang tingin na para bang may ikina-tampo sa kung ano.

Napasinghap nalang ako bago ko inilibot ang paningin sa paligid. I will not push him to answer me if he doesn’t want to. Isa pa, hindi ito ang tamang oras para mag-usisa ako tungkol sa Daddy niya.

What is important right now is to find a way to escape and get Sander away from here. It’s not good for him to stay captive. Hindi ko man alam kung ano ba ang totoong pakay ng mga gumawa nito, mas mabuting mailayo ko siya dito.

Nang mabigo akong makahanap ng pwedeng malusutan ay binabalik ko kay Sander ang aking tingin.

Napadapo ako sa naka kadena niya mga kamay at pas. Another pang of pain strikes my heart. How cruel those people are to chain him! To chain a little boy!

Hinawakan ko ang kaway niya ngunit mabilis na pinagsisihan nang indahin ni Sander ang sakit.

“Ouch,”

Mabilis kong inilipat sa palad niya ang pagkakahawak at nag-aalala siyang tinignan.

“Why? Saan ang masakit?”

Doon pa lang niya binalik ang tingin sa akin. Nanunubig muli ang maga mata.

“S-Sakit po ng kamay ko, Mama Riz.” Aniya.

I weight shifted as I examined his palm to his wrist. Dahan dahan kong ginalaw ang kadena at doon ko nakita ang halos magsugat na niyang palapulsuhan.

Tila sinasakal ang aking dibdib dahil sa kalagayan niya. Kung sana ako nalang ang kinadena nila, na ako nalang ang ginanito at hindi siya. Kung ganito man lang ang kahihinatnan niya dahil lang sa kung anong rason nila ay sana lang hinayaan na nilang malaya ang bata sa mga ganito.

“S-Sander, kilala mo ba ang may gawa nito?” Tanong ko habang ang mga mata ay nanatili sa kaniyang pala-pulsuhan.

“Hindi pow,”

“Namumukhaan mo ba ang kumuha sayo rito? Ang nagdala sayo rito?”

Hindi siya sumagot kaya napaangat sa mukha niya ang aking tingin. He was looking at his hand, but no words were coming out of his mouth. It was like he knew something but he couldn’t spit it out for some reason.

“Sander,” Pagtawag ko sa kaniya.

Napaangat ang tingin niya sa akin. His eyes were now clouded by emotions but the fear that was lingering in them caught my eye.

He shook his head, as if he was scared by something. “H-Hindi pow, Mama Riz. S-Someone just pulled me when I was waiting for Kuya Jan in the parking lot pow… They put something on my nose, smells bad nga pow eh.”

Habang sinasabi niya iyon sa akin ay para akong sinusuntok ng malakas dahil sa kirot na nararamdaman ko. I was guilty too because I knew that I was the reason why he was here.

“Siguradi ka bang hindi no namumukhaan ni isa—”

The rotten and rusted door suddenly swung open and two armed men emerged from it.

Malalaki ang katawan nila, ang isa ay may edad na at nakasuot siya ng grey na t-shirt at pants sa ibaba habang ang isa naman ay nakataklob ng itim na tela ang mukha at tangin mata lamang ang kita.

“Nasan na ‘yon?” The older man said as both of them searched the area, in due time will land on us.

Mabilis na nagdilim ang mukha ng may edad na lalaki at mabilis na nagmartsa papunta sa amin. The way they marched at us sent a shiver down my spine.

Massive fear struck my whole body, it was as if I was about to get killed. I embrace Sander and caged him within my arms—sheltering him from these armed men.

“Potangina ka! Andiyan ka lang pala! At paano ka nakapunta diyan ha!” Malakas na sikmat ng matanda at mabilis na hinablot ang braso ko.

Mariin at puno ng pwersa niyang hinawakan at inangat ako na kahit pa manlaban ako ay hindi kaya ng aking lakas.

He successfully separated me from Sander and dragged me out of the space, then threw me forcefully to the place where I was earlier.

My body slammed on the cemented floor hardly that a painful grunt escaped from my lips.

“Mama Riz!” Rinig kong iyak ni Sander mula sa likod ng mga nakatambay na upuan.

“Mang Eloy, baka mapuruhan at mapatay mo ‘yan. Malalagot tayo kay madam.”  Malalim na saad ng isang armadong lalaki.

I heard the man, whose name is Mang Eloy, groan in annoyance as if he wanted to do something more to me… Something dark and bad.

“Tang ina! Ang tagal tagal naman—”

“What are you doing to my hostage? Hindi ba’t pinababantay at pinatitingin ko lang iyan sa inyo?” I heard a familiar voice of a woman.

Kahit naghahapdi ang magkabilang braso at nilalamon ng labis na takot ang aking kalooban. Inangat at sinulyapan ko ang taong may ari ng boses.

It was Maurice, wearing a red dress, covered and topped with a black coat revealed to my eyes. Her hair was in a high ponytail, and she was wearing black shades that stopped me from seeing her eyes.

Tiim ang bibig at nasa gawi namin ang kaniyang ulo. Slowly, an evil smirk emerged from her lips as her head moved a bit—obviously looking at me.

What the fuck?! Siya ang nagpadukot sa akin? At bakit? Anong dahilan?

My mind turned in circles as questions started to flood from within. Wala na kami ni Seth kaya wala na rin siyang dahilan para gawin ito! Is this how low she will step just to get Seth for her own?

“M-Maurice?!”

Her smirk grew wider as she watched me look at her puzzled.

“Well! Hello, Riz! It’s good to see you so low!” She greeted back. She handed the bag that she had to the other man and crossed her arms above her chest.

Lumawak ang ngisi sa labi niya na para bang ang puwesto at posisyon ko ngayon ay labis na nagbibigay ng kasiyahan sa kaniya. Mixed emotions were stirring up within me, and I couldn’t even know what I should have felt about knowing that she’s the person behind this crap.

“I-Ikaw ang may utos nito?”

She nodded her head proudly as she unclasped her arms before removing the shades from her eyes.

“Ako nga. Bakit? ‘Di ka ba makapinawala?” She asked tauntingly.

“Bakit? Para saan?”

Matunog siyang ngumisi bago naglakad papalapit sa akin.

“Why? Because I hate the fact that Seth chose to step down from that position just for a mere dirt like you! And he even refused the marriage that my family offered him! And for what reason? Because he loves you and he is obsessed with you!” She spat, now voice ringing with rage.

Natulala ako sa mga sinabi niya, na para bang sa dating ng tono ng boses niya ay isa akong napakalaking pagkakamali, na ang presensya ko sa buhay ni Seth ay isang malaking bagay na hindi na dapat nangyari pa.

I understood that she loves Seth, and that they have their past… Naiintindihan na nahulog siya sa kay Seth dahil lang sa kung anong relasyon ang mayro’n sila dati. But what I can’t understand is that her feelings for him were this deep… That she will opt to do this kind of thing for him!

At ano? Inalok ng kasal ng pamilya niya si Seth? Dahil ba nalaman nilang mahal ni Maurice si Seth? Or is it connected with politics?

“M-Maurice, hindi ko inutusan si Seth na gawin iyon! We didn’t even have a conversation about him stepping down before him doing it! Kaya bakit ako? Desisyon niya ‘yon! At bakit kasali si Sander? Anak mo siya!”

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako? Desisyon ni Seth iyon at kahit kailan wala siyang sinabi sa akin na balak niyang gawin iyon…

Suddenly I remembered that he said that he did it for us, for his son, and… For me.

That he wanted to be fully focused on our relationship and to take care of his son…

“Bobo ka! Sa tingin mo gagawin niya ‘yon kung hindi siya nababaliw sayo? At anong bakit nandito si Sander?” She chuckled devilishly as she fixed her poise. “Do you really think that Sander is our son? You fucking idiot!”

Namilog ang mata ko sa kaniyang siniwalat.

“Ano?!”

“Tutal di ka naman na makakaalis ng buhay dito at sisiguraduhin ko na sa pagkakataon na ‘to wala nang makakapigil pa!” She announced, voice tinged with assurance and darkness.

Sobrang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko kasabay ang panginginig ng katawan ko sa takot. Alam kong hindi lang basta banta iyon o pananakot… Sa pamamaraan niya nang pagkakasabi ay alam kong totoo iyon.

“Seth may have been my fuck buddy before, but that man is always so sure that no drop of his semen will leak out of that fucking condom! Maraming beses ko nang binalak at plinano na mabuntis sa kaniya para man lang maitali ko na siya sa akin pero hindi kailanman ako nagtagumpay…” Nangilid ang luha sa madidilim at galit niyang mata bago magpatuloy. “I have loved him for so long! Mga high school pa lang kami, alam kong mahal ko na siya! Pero dahil hindi kailanman nakikita ang presensya ko para sa kaniya kaya hindi niya ako mapansin… And guess what? He fell for my bestfriend! He courted her and made her his girlfriend… His first obsession!” Humagulgol siya matapos niyang sabihin iyon.

I don’t know how or what to react to all of this information she’s spitting. May awa at simpatya akong nararamdaman sa kaniya na hindi ko na rin alam kung normal paba… Nagmahal siya, minahal niya si Seth ngunit hindi kailanman siya nito napansin… Pero hindi naman din iyon kasalanan ni Seth kaya hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ganito ang kinahinatnan niya.

Ang pagmamahal sa isang tao may dalawang daanan, isa ay patungo sa masaya at magandang dulo habang ang isa ay malaking tyansa na patungo sa sakit at pagkabigo.

Hindi lahat ng nagmamahal ay minamahal pabalik, at hindi lahat ng minahal ay kasalanan ang hindi mahalin ang taong nagmamahal sa kanila pabalik.  Dahil sa totoo lang, hindi natin puwedeng pilitin ang tao sa bagay na gusto natin mangyari! Mapa emosyonal man o galaw.

At ang bestfriend niya ang nagustuhan ni Seth. Ang naging unang girlfriend ni Seth. Isang bagay na hindi ko alam at hindi rin kailanman nasabi ni Seth sa akin…

Tumindi ang takot ko nang umungot siya bago sumigaw nang malakas. Alerto akong napatayo at handa nang umatras papalayo sa kaniya. Sa reaksyon at sa mga pinapakita niya alam kong malaki ang posibilidad na may magawa nga siya sa akin. I have never been with her so I don’t know what she’s capable of. Hindi ko siya kilala!

“That’s why I fucked his uncle and made him impregnate me… I surely know that the baby will look very much like that old hag and Seth… Dahil malakas ang tamod nila at magkamukhang makamukha silang mag tiyuhin.” Aniya bago malalaking hakbang ang ginawad para maubos ang pagitan namin dalawa. Mabilis niyang dinakot ang buhok ko paangat at padarag akong ibinagsak.

Panibagong kirot ang naramdaman ko sa kaliwang braso ko kaya napapikit ako. Kasabay pa no’n ang sakit na nararamdaman ko sa sikmura ko na gawa nung lalaking nakaitim na ‘yon.

Hindi ko na alam kung ano pa ang uunahin kong isipin. Kung ang mga nalaman ko bang katotohanan o ang kalagayan at sakit na nararamdaman ko.

“His obsession should be mine! He supposedly is obsessed with me, not with anyone, not with any woman or any fucking faggot like you! Ako! Ako lang!” Galit at tila nababaliw na niya saad bago ako sunod sunod na pagsisipain gamit ang paa niyang may suot na sapatos na may takong.

Sinubukan kong labanan ang ginagawa niya ngunit dahil na rin siguro sa matinding kirot at sakit na pinaghalo halo mula sa mga natamo ko ay hindi ako nagtatagumpay.

I’m starting to feel my body giving up from exhaustion and too much pain… Ganito na lang tlaaga siguro ako kahina! Ganito kahina ang katawan ko…

“After I make sure that you are really dead, I will erase every trace of you, every mark that proves your existence! From the smallest to the greatest, everything! Until nothing is left that could ever show you once lived just like what I did to my beatfriend! To his then girlfriend! After that, I could finally have my chance at him. Kahit pa kakailangan kong gamitin ang punyetang bata na ‘yan!”

Muli ko sanang susubukan na lumaban at hablutin ang katawan niya nang tumigil siya at may kung anong kinuha sa kung saan. She swiftly went back to me and before I could make myself ready for whatever she was planning to do, a hard steel landed on my head—too much pain started to sting, my vision was circling, my body felt so numb and tired.

“You’ll die and rot in here, you fucking pretender to be a woman! Clown!”

Chapter 47

CHAPTER 47

Warning: Strong language, Violence.

Trigger

Pilit kong pinananatili na dilat ang aking mata. Maurice beat me for hours and I could feel my head feel so numb because of the damage that she’d done. Para na rin akong lantang gulay na nakagapos dito sa upuan habang nilalabanan ang pagsarado ng aking mga mata.

I let her beat me like I was some kind of toy, or her personal punching bag. Paulit-ulit niya akong sinambunutan, sinampal at pinagpapalo nung bakal na kaniyang dinampot sa kung saan… Hindi na ako lumaban, hindi dahil sa mahina ako ngunit dahil sa alam kong pag ginawa ko ay mauubos ang lakas ko at mawawalan agad ng malay.

Pagod na pagod na ang katawan ko, una palang na nagising ako sa lugar na’to. Bago pa lang ako magkilos-kilos para lamang madaluhan si Sander, at mas lalong bago pa ako madatnan at umpisahang bugbogin ni Maurice.

I can’t afford to pass out because I must look after Sander. He’s crying for hours now, since they dragged me out of those fucking piles of chairs.

Tila nawalan na akong ng paki sa sarili ko at ang tangi ko na lamang naiisip ay mapanatiling gising ang sarili para lamang masigurado akong wala silang gagawin kay Sander.

She boldly confessed that Sander wasn’t really her son with Seth… She impregnates herself by fucking the uncle of the man she loves… How stupid and trashy her love would be!

At nang dahil sa pagmamahal na hindi kailanman nagiging kanya ay taalaga ginawa na niya ito. She chose to be a criminal! To do these things!

I don’t know if my family, or even him were now looking for me… But I know that the absence of my presence will alarm them. Hindi ko man alam kung ilang araw na ang lumipas pero alam kong sina Mama o kahit si Kuya ay naghahanap na sa akin.

They have power, and money to order which men or soldiers to find me… They can even communicate with whatever powerful person there is just to find me. I am sure! I am more than sure that they will do anything to find me.

They did it before! They’ve done it, and they succeed. And, I am sure that they will do it again this time.

Pagod akong natawa sa mga naiisip. How funny of me to gaslight myself amidst all of this shit! Para ko lang din bang ginagawang tanga ang sarili ko sa paniniwalang mahahanap pa ako.

Alam kong nasa malayo at liblib na lugar ‘tong kinalalagyan nitong lugar na ‘to. It’s too obvious, with only the sound of the chirping birds, and the sounds of the breeze from trees and the wind. I also heard crickets so it means there are grasses surrounding this damn place.

Maurice surely said that she had me killed, and by the way she said every word with assurance. I know she’ll do it, and make it done.

Sa pagpipilit na manatiling gising, ilang oras din tumagal ang laban ko sa sarili bago tuluyan na sumuko ang katawan ko.

When my eyes successfully closed and the dark beneath the two lids of my eyes swallowed my vision. Fear and pain suddenly bound to possess my whole body. Takot dahil baka tuluyan na nga akong sumuko at namatay dahil sa labis na pagkakabugbog. Sakit dahil marami akong bagay na pinangarap na mangyari at makamit na kung tuluyan at totoo man akong namatay dahil sa dinanas ay sobrang sakit na hindi ko man lang iyon nagawa.

Paano na ang mga kapatid ko? Si Tatay? I haven’t yet given them the life that they deserve, to live without worrying just about anything.

At paano naman ang kakakilala ko palang na buhay? Sina Mama at Kuya Damian? Ang mga pinsan ko? Ang mga Tito? I haven’t yet discovered the full truth about my roots, and how vast my true name is.

But how? My body suffered and now it wants to rest, but not me… I want to live the life I truly deserve and what was truly mine.

Pero…

Hanggang dito na lang siguro talaga ang buhay ko, ang storya ko at ang paglalakbay ko. It must’ve been my fate to die in this place, to lose my life in her hands, and to be unable to feel and experience the things I wished and I hope I’ll do.

I badly want to fight, to lift, to wake up. But this damn body has already lost its hope and surrendered to death.

Ngunit nang magising ako sa isang malakas na sampal ay imbis na intindihin ang sakit mula do’n ay nabuhayan pa ako… Because, what the fuck! I am still alive!

“Hoy! Bakla! Wake up!”

I quickly opened my eyes in shock and Maurice’s angry and irritated face was the first thing I saw.

She’s now wearing a black sleeveless buttoned dress shirt paired with black slacks. Her hair was still in a high ponytail, while her lipstick had changed to black. Her full view was given a dark and horrific character from a movie—or a woman who’s taking her revenge in action.

Nag-iinit at nangkakapal ang pisngi ko dahil sa malakas niyang sampal, at kahit ramdam pa rin ang tinding pagod ay mabilis din ako nakabawi ng tingin.

“B-Buhay pa ako?” That was the only thing I said.

Her brows furrowed as the rage in her eyes intensified.

“Huh? Putangina ka, alangan. Hindi kita basta basta papatayin lang, papahirapan at paparusahan kita.” She said in a mock yet irritated tone.

She looked at me disgustingly, as if I were some kind of dirt. Well, she called me a dirt before. Pero nagpapasalamat pa rin ako na nabuhay pa ako sa kabila nang matinding pagkakabugbog na nangyari sa akin. Maybe, after all my body isn’t that weak!

“I’ll keep you alive until I use all the satisfaction in me, so you must keep yourself alive.” She said before chuckling in a creepy voice.

Gusto kong magsalita ngunit literal na nanunuyot ang aking lalamunan. Ilang araw na rin naman akong nandito o baka nga linggo na, at simula pa nang dumating kami dito ay ni isang tubig o pagkain akong natanggap.

“Well, Surprisingly… Seth has yet to notice Sander’s… Or even your disappearance. He was still acting normal and not doing any moves… Mukhang wala na ata siyang pake sayo.” Aniya at natawa pagkatapos sabihin ang huli.

Gusto kong ikunot ang noo ko o ipagsalubong ang aking kilay ngunit dahil sa labis na pagkakabugbog ay magang maga na ata ito kaya hindi ko na magawa.

My right temple feels so numb and was like swollen, and the bridge of my nose was aching—stinging in pain it’s as if the bone in it were broken. And even though I couldn’t look and scan my face, I know that my beautiful face was now looking like shit… Broken.

I licked my lips and it tasted like rust. She knows every move of Seth. Siguro ay minamanmanan niya ito o baka naman ay iyong black hooded man ang nagbabalita sa kaniya.

And even though she stated those information in a playful tone, I could feel like she was telling the truth.

Hindi ko maiwasan na maisip na napakaimposible naman na ang biglang pagkawala ng kaniyang anak ay hindi niya mapansin. Or didn’t his men or even Kuya Jan tell him that Sander was missing?

Dahil sabi na rin ni Sander na si Kuya Jan daw ang hinahantay niya bago siya mawala.

Di kaya ay pati sila ay…

Biglang tumunog ang click kaya napaangat ulit ako ng tingin kay Maurice. From there, all I could do was watch her now taking a photos or even a video of me being so helpless while heavily tied up in a chair.

Hindi ko na rin man naisip o napasin kung saan galing iyong phone gayon kanina lang ay wala siyang hawak na phone sa dalawang kamay… O baka naman namamalikmata lang ako.

“Fuck! You look like shit being crushed by a car tire!”

She seems so amused and entertained by how I look. Gusto kong gumalaw, kumilos at lumaban lalo pa’t ramdam na ramdam ko ang matinding pagkakairita sa kaniyang ginagawa. I didn’t even know that I was already feeling so irritated with her earlier!

“Don’t worry, I’ll tell my men to call Seth and send this video of you to warn him. Tatawagan ko na rin ang matandang ‘yon para singilin siya sa mga pangakong hindi niya tinupad.”

“M-Maurice, si… Si Sander,” Ani ko dahilan para matigilan siya

Umasim bigla ang mukha niya nang marinig ang aking sinabi. I have so many words to say but my throat feels so dry and rough that the words couldn’t even be made from it.

“What about that little peasant?”

Peasant?

“P-Pakawalan mo siya, wala siyang kinalaman dito. Ako lang naman ang kailangan mo diba? K-Kahit na patayin mo ako, sige tatanggapin ko pero wag si Sander… B-Balik mo na siya.” sa wakas ay nasabi ko nang diretso.

Pagak siyang natawa dahil sa turan ko ngunit ang iritasyon sa kaniyang mga mata ay tila mas nag alab pa.

“Who are you to demand? At anong wala siyang kinalaman dito? Narinig mo ba ang sinabi ko sayo kanina? Anak ko siya sa matandang ‘yon! Sa tiyuhin ni Seth kaya kasali siya rito… At may pag-gagamitan pa ko sa kaniya para makasingil.” She declared.

My heart feels like being hammered because of the sudden pain I felt from her remark. Sander is her son, so why is she doing this? Hindi ba siya nakakaramdam ng kahit ano man lang para sa bata? Sa sarili niyang dugo at laman?

Anak niya si Sander! Anak! Pero bakit parang wala man lang siyang nararamdaman na kahit man lang awa sa bata?

Naikuyom ko ang aking kamay dahil sa pagusbong ng galit sa kaniya. She’s a monster, she is not a person. At lalong lalo na ang maging ina!

I gritted my teeth as I looked at her with a sharp eye.

“N-Naririnig mo ba ang sarili mo? A-Anak mo siya, Maurice!”

She raised a brow and looked at me unbelievably.

“Why? Did I say he isn’t? Anak ko siya pero hindi kay Seth! He was nothing to me! Kung hindi man magagaling ang anak ko kay Seth, wala akong ituturing na anak!”

She’s fucking crazy!

She heaved a heavy sigh and closed her eyes tightly before opening them again and chuckling humorlessly.

“I shouldn’t waste my energy on a soon-to-be a deadmeat.” Aniya bago kumindat sa akin at naglakad patungo sa pinto—palabas.

She stopped when she was in front of the rusty door. Humarap siya sa akin, mga mata ay may nakakakabang tingin.

“Anyways, if you want…” she trailed off and maneuvered something on her phone and turned her back to me and held the doorknob.

“You can bring him with you to the afterlife.” Her last word was before she completely vanished from my sight.

I couldn’t understand her! And how her brain works! But I am certain that she is sick in the head! Baliw na baliw ang puno ng katangahan!

Sarili mong anak, dugo at laman mo wala kang pakialam. At paano mo nasasabing puwede ko siyang isama sa kabilant buhay nang hindi man lang makitaan ng kahit anong pagsisisi!

Pagod kong iniyuko ang aking ulo at tinitigan ang aking binti. Naka shorts ako kaya’t kitang kita ko ang mga galos at gasgad sa aking maputing hita.

I don’t know what to do right now. What can I do to save Sander, and get him away from her wicked mother? He may not be from me, or we are not blood related but the affection I have for him is no bound. I care for him, I love him as a boy, and also as a person whom I hold dearly.

Ilang oras ang nakalipas sa araw na ‘yon bago pumqsok ang lalaking baka balot na itim ang mukha, may dala dala siya isang basong tubig at isang maliit ng mangkok ng kanin.

“Kumain ka. Utos ni Madam.” Aniya at nilapag ang pagkain sa sahig, sa tapat ko.

I stared at the food that he placed in front of me. How could I eat with my hands tied behind me? Gusto ko iyon sabihin pero sobrang pagod ng katawan ko.

Hindi gumalaw ang lalaki at nanatili lamang na nakatayo sa harap ko. I could feel his eyes boring into me as I kept on staring at the food.

I could hear crickets chirping as the silence devoured the room.

“Sayang ang pagmumukha mo at katawan mo, Miss. Hindi ko alam kung anong atraso mo sa boss ko para maging ganito kagalit iyon sayo.” Bigla niyang saad.

Kahit pagod ay naiangat ko ang ulo sa kaniya. Mula sa pwesto ko, kitang kita ko ang malaking bulto niyang halos lamunan na ang buong paningin ko sa laki niya. He’s tall, and his body is big and bulky. He has broad shoulders. Hindi ko nga lang maaninag ang kaniyang mukha dahil sa natatakpan ito ng itim na tela at tanging mga mata lang ang nakikita.

“P-Paano ako… Kakain kung… Nakatali ako.”

His eyes shifted to my arms, as if he could see my hands tied behind the steel chair.

“Tatanggalin ko ang tali para makakain ka, bilisan mo lang.” Matigas niyang sagot.

Tumango na lang ako at pinanood siyang umikot at umpisahan tanggalin ang tali.

Nang makalas iyon ay ramdam ko ang hampi sa pala-pulsuhan ko dahil sa higpin no’n. Umiikot ulit yung lalaki at inangat at pinatong sa binti ko ang pagkain.

“Bilisan mo.” Aniya at pumwesto sa may pintuan, pawang pinanonood lang akong kumain.

Wala na siyang ibang sinabi. Para lang siyang rebulto na nanonood sa akin habang kumakain. Walang lasa ang pagkain na binigay nila, hindi ko nga lang masigurado kung sa panlasa ko ba ang problema o sa pagkain mismo.

I wanted to ask him some questions—regarding where we are right now, or what place is this.

Gusto ko rin humingi ng pabor na baka puwedeng ilabas din niya si Sander dito. But the way he looked at me coldly just sent me a warning that those would be useless as he will not do a bid for any of it.

Sobrang pagkakakonsesya at awa ang nararamdaman ko para kay Sander kahit pa alam kong sinabi na rin ni Maurice na dinala niya rito si Sander para masingil ang Tatay nito. I want to go to him and feed him the food I ate. I want to give him the water, instead of me drinking it.

Gusto kong kumalag, lumaban ngunit sa estado ng aking katawan hindi ko magawa. Kaya kahit gusto kong kumilos, at bigyan man lang ng pagkain at tubig ang bata ay hindi ko na gawa.

Pagod kong binababa ang pagkain at tumingin sa lalaki. His eyes quickly caught mine. Bahagya pa akong nagulat na nakatingin na pala siya sa akin.

“T-Tapos na ko.”

Tumango lang siya at naglakad papalapit sa akin at kinuha ang tray na pinaglalagyan ng pagkain at tubig saka siya umalis.

Kinagabihan, bumalik si Maurice na galit na galit at puno ng pagkamuhi ang mukha. Kaya nang sinimulan niya ulit akong pagsasampalin at pagsusuntukin sa kung saan saan ay hindi na ako nagtaka. Wala na rin akong nagawa kundi ang indahin lahat nang natatanggap mula sa kaniya.

Tila nabibingi na rin ang aking tainga at walang emosyon na lang siyang pinanonood akong bugbugin.

Lumipas ang hindi ko na alam kung ilang araw ay ganun ang nagiging gawi niya. She will be here and spit some insults and news about how unaffected Seth is, and even some fucking stories of her that I didn’t even ask for.

Hahatiran din ako ng pagkain nung lalaki at papakain ng mabilis. At sa gabi ay bubugbugin ako ni Maurice sa hindi ko man malaman na dahilan.

I feel my life was just too useless, a mere rat living just to die in her hands for an unreasonable reason.

Bawat araw o panahon ang lumipas nawawalan na rin at tila nasasaid na ang kakaunting pag-asa na mayro’n ako para sa amin dalawa ni Sander.

But God is always watching over everything, always present. And it was in the moment when all hope had abandoned me that He moved, opening a way to restore everything I had lost.

Natigil si Maurice sa pagsasambunot sa akin nang pumasok ang matandang tauhan niya. She looked at the old man with her angry eyes, as if the old man was interfering with her from beating me was enough to get into her nerves.

“What?” She asked irritably.

“B-Boss, tumatawag po si Sir Syrius.”

Tumuwid ng tayo si Maurice at binitawan ang hawak na baseball bat. Ramdam ko ang panamaga ng aking katawan at mukha at kita ko rin ang mga dugong tumulo at nasa aking binti na galing sa aking mukha. Putok na aking ulo, at kitang kita ko na rin ang mga pasang unting unti pumupuno sa aking katawan.

Nakakapagtaka na buhay pa ako sa kabila ng mga natatamo ko sa mga pangbugbog niya.

“Asan? Akin na, at istorbo naman kayo!”

Tumingin sa akin ang matanda. In that swift moment, I caught a glimpse of pity and sympathy in his eyes before he looked back at Maurice.

“P-Pasensya na po.” Aniya at binigay ang telepono sa babae.

Kinuha iyon ni Maurice at tiningnan bago niya ito nilagay sa kaniyang tainga. She shifted her body and faced me as she started to listen to whatever Tito Syrius was telling him on the other line.

Nakatuon lang ang tingin niya sa akin at ilang sandali pa ay nalukot ang kaniyang mukha dahil sa kung anong dahilan.

“What the fuck are you trying to say? Are you backing off? Hoy! Matandang gurang na malibog, kung hindi mo ibibigay ang gusto kong mangyari. Hinding hindi mo na makukuha ang pinakamamahal kong anak.” Gigil niyang bata.

Dumiin ang toon ng aking mata sa kaniya ng marinig ang kaniyang sinabi.

She chuckled evilly.

“You think I can’t do it? Killing him is just a piece of cake for me! I am at my limit, and my patience is running out. Persuade Seth about the offered marriage then I’ll give you your son. Safe but not unharm.”

Sobrang bumundol ang aking dibdib sa kaba dahil sa sunod na narinig. She can kill Sander! She will kill him if…

Namuo ang mga luha ko sa tindi ng pangamba at takot na nararandaman. Hindi puwedeng mangyari iyon. Hindi ko kaya!

I gritted my teeth as the rage and resentment started to eat me. How could she do this to her son!? Wala siyang puso! Walang konsensya!

Para sa pagmamahal niya at kagustuhan niyang makuha ang lalaking iyon ay kaya niyang pumatay ng bata! At… Si Seth? Hindi man lang siya kumilos at hanapin man lang ang anak niya…

Sa mga balitang pinanood at sinasaad sa akin ni Maurice nitong mga nakaraang araw ay tila wala siyang pakialam sa lahat at masayang masaya sa galaw ng buhay niya kasama ang Jenessa na ‘yon!

Nakakagalit, nakakasakit at nakakapuot!

Sinipa ni Maurice ang aking tyan dahilan para ako’y matumba pabagsak.

Napaungot ako hindi dahil sa sakit kundi kabaliktaran. Wala akong naramdaman kundi ang pagkakamanhid ng buo kong katawan.

My tears suddenly fall from my eyes. Fear and hatred, it was the ones killing me. Sander has the life ahead of him, his too young, too innocent to get killed this early! Kahit ako nalang, wag lang ang batang maraming pangarap, at may malawak na buhay ang puwedeng tahakin.

“Tangina mo! A-Anong pinalilibutan niyo na ‘tong—” Rinig kong sigaw ni Maurice bago siya matigilan dahil sa marahas na pagkakabukas ng pintuan.

“B-Boss! Pinalilibutan na tayo! Maraming armadong lalaki ang nasa labas!” Natatarantang balita nung matandang lalaki.

Umungot si Maurice.

“H-How did you find this place, Syrius?!” Sigaw na tanong niya.

“Ano?! S-Sino ang kasama mo!?”

Sinubukan kong igalaw ang katawan ko para itayo o ibahin ang pwesto ngunit hindi ako nagtagumpay.

“Ano! B-Bakit mo kasama ang mga Del Fuego? Potangina mo, Tanda! Hinding hindi mo na mahahawakan ng buhay ang anak mo.”

Humalakhak siya bago inutusan ang matandang lalaki na tawagan ang iba pa niyang taunhan. Siguro dahil hindi na rin sapat ang mga tauhan na mayroon siya rito.

Hindi ko nga alam na marami ba siyang tauhan dahil dalawa lamang ang aking nakita.

“Sa tingin mo, mabubuhay pa ‘tong baklang ‘tong! Fuck you all, you and those pretenders to be saints will mourn for their lives. I’ll kill them before you get to kill me!”

Sigaw niya bago ko marunong ang malakas niyang pag bato sa kung saan ang kaniyang telepono.

Marahas niya akong itinayo at ibinalik sa ayos ko kanina. Sobrang dilim at punong puno ng galit ang kaniyang mga mukha.

“Tangina nila! Akala nila mauunahan nila akong mapatay. Papatayin ko muna kayo, bago ako mamatay.” Saad niyang nababaliw habang nakatingin sa akin.

Isang malakas na sampal ang ginawa niya sa akin bago dinuraan ang aking mukha. She then marched towards the pile of rotten chairs—where Sander was.

“At ikaw putang inang bata ka!” Huli kong rinig bago bumalahaw ang malakas na iyak ni Sander.

Labis na takot ang lumulukob sa akin na pakiramdam ko ang pagkakatarant na nararamdaman ko ay dahil na rin sa takot. I roamed my eyes, trying to find something that I could use to free myself.

Nga lang, nangatog ang binti ko nang mabilis na nakabalik si Maurice hawak hawak sa kaliwang kamay ang bata.

Her hands were tightly held Sander on the boy’s forearm. Sander winced at the pain as his eyes continued to bring tears.

Sa kanang kamay ni Maurice ay ang isang baril na nakuha niya sa kung saan. Demonyo nga ang babaeng ito, may pagka Doraemon din!

Binalibag niyang nilagay si Sander sa aking harapan, walang awa at pagmamalasik ang dumaan sa kaniyang mga mata.

Nababaliw siyang sumigaw at tinutok sa amin ni Sander na ngayon ay umiiyak na nakaharap sa akin.

“S-Sander,” Tawag ko.

“Mama Riz!” Iyak niya pabalik, naka-kadena pa rin ang kamay at paa.

“Potang ina nyo! Kung hindi ko makukuha ang gusto ko! Hindi niyong makukuha ang sa inyo.” She cried out of rage and frustration.

That was the last thing I heard before everything became blurry and vague. Sounds of guns being fired were booming everywhere, I could even hear some people shouting and marching.

“H’wag kang haharap, Baby. S-Sa akin lang… Kay Mama Riz lang ang tingin.” I instructed Sander.

Takot ang labis na pumupukaw sa aking mga mata. Takot na lumalamon sa mga mata ng bata.

Wala na akong inintindi kundi ang ituon ang tingin kay Sander kahit pa ang lakas nang tibok ng puso ko, at mga pinaghalong ingay na lumulukob sa palagid. I tried to untie myself, para lamang mayakap ko ang bata. Pero dahil na rin sa posisyon ko at sa estado ng katawan ko ay hindi ako nagtatagumpay.

The door suddenly swung open, and the body of the old man emerged from it. His body was full and covered by blood as he slumped lifeless on the ground.

Nataratang napagpaputok si Maurice nang mangyari iyon kaya napapikit ako gayon na rin ang paglakas ng iyak ni Sander.

“Shut up!” saad niya at hinaklit na paangat si Sander at pumwesto sa likod ko.

Nang iingat ko ang aking tingin sa pintuan ay tila gumuho na ang katawan ko nang magtagpo ang aming mga mata. My heart was hammering inside my chest and my throat tightened in pain.

Standing broadly and tall at the door was the man I hadn’t seen for many months. The man I thought I could get over with. The only man who made my heart race, fall, and break.

Seth is looking at us proudly yet darkly. His jaw clenched as his face became more dangerous.

Nakaitim siyang suit na para bang kakagaling niya lamang sa trabaho. Malinis na nakagupit ang buhok at guwapong guwapo ang mukha.

Naiiyak akong nakatanaw sa kaniya habang ang mga mata niya ay gumapang mula sa babaeng nasa likod ko papunta sa akin.

My breath hitched when his eyes landed on me. His eyes became more bloodshot as he scanned my current state.

Rage and fury are just an understatement for what I am seeing in his eyes. It was totally the wrath and how livid he was at the sight.

“Maurice, release them or I’ll plant bullets deep in your body.” He said menacingly, the way his words resonated the whole place sent me to my own grave.

Humalakhal sa kaba si Maurice bago ko maramdaman ang pagtutok ng bala sa aking ulo.

Napatingin doon si Seth, pawang napagalaw siya at mabilis na itinutok ang hawak na baril sa amin—o sa kay Maurice.

“You think I’m scared, Seth? Kung hindi ka rin lang magiging akin, isasama ko sa hukay ang mga minamahal mo! I loved you, I said it. At alam mo ‘yon!” Sigaw niya, punong puno ng galit.

Ngunit ang mukha ni Seth ay walang naging reaksyon sa sinabi ni Maurice.

“And I don’t. Matagal ko nang sinabi sayo na hindi ko kayang ibalik iyang nararamdaman mo.” Mababa at kalmado niyabg sabi.

Hindi ko na alam kung sa pamamaraan ba niya nang pagsasalita ang nakadagdag sa takot ko o ang emosyon ng kaniyang mga mata.

Nagsimulang umiyak si Maurice.

“I give you all that I have even my body, my first. Pumayag ako sa relasyon na inalok mo dati dahil akala ko iyon na ang simula na mamamahalin mo ako. Pero ano ang ginawa mo! Dahil lang sa pakiusap at pabor na hiningi ng putang inang Del Fuego na ‘yon ay tinalikuran mo ang mayro’n tayo.”

Del Fuego? Sino? Si Kuga Damian ba?”

Seth tilted his head to the side and smirked at Maurice.

“Why? What do you think we had before? It’s just a mere lust, a carnal need. I don’t have feelings for you, I thought you understood our arrangement.”

Mas lalong umiyak si Maurice at ngayon ay mas lalong diniin ang baril sa aking ulo. Gusto ko siyant sigawan dahil sa ginagawa niya ay mas lalo lang natutulak si Maurice. Sa mga sinasabi niya ay mas lalo lang nati-trigger na barilin kami ni Maurice.

Alam ko at naiintindihan kong nagpapakatotoo siya sa mga sagot niya pero parang hindi ata maganda sa ganitong kalagayan niya iyon ginagawa.

“Put the gun away from them, Maurice. Or I’ll shoot your head before you pull that trigger.”

Humakbang si Sander kaya ramdam ko ang pagkakataranta ni Maurice sa likod ko. Rinig ko rin ang impit na iyak ni Sander.

“D-Daddy,”

Napatingin si Seth sa kaniya at lumamlam ang mata bago ito tumingin pabalik kay Maurice at naging matalim ulit ang tingin.

May isang bulto ang biglang lumitaw sa likod ni Seth. Isang mahigpit na yakap sa aking puso ang aking naramdaman nang sumalubong sa akin ang imahe ni Kuya Damian.

“Tang ina ka at talagang pumasok ka pa dito!”

Handsome in his own way, he marched inside the space. His dark and dangerous aura embraced the place. Wearing a black button-down shirt and a black slacks, and brown leather shoes, his eyes quickly darted to me.

He immediately pointed the gun at Maurice as his eyes stayed on me, scanning and checking how miserable and beaten I was.

“Isa lang ang gusto ko, ang mahalin mo ko.”

“Hindi kita mahal, at hinding hindi iyon mangyayari. I would rather want you dead than be with you.”

“Enough with all of this nonsense about your romantic idiocy, your fucking delusional fairytale bitch!” Kuya Damian snarkled.

“You shut up! Wala kang karapatan dito dahil isa kang puta! Because of you, our supposed relationship was ruined.”

Kuya Damian chuckled tauntingly.

“Shut up, bitch! Give me my sister, and I’ll be gone on your fairytale story. Wala akong pakialam sa kung ano ang mayro’n at ganap sa inyo ng gagong ‘to. All I cared about was my sister, and my sister alone.”

Kuya Damian clicked the gun that he was holding, I could see how the veins in his hand protruded as his grip tightened.

“Damian,” Seth said alarmed.

Tumawa lang si Kuya at kumibit balikat.

“Tingin mo maniniwala ako? Di ako tanga, kaya isasama ko na sila ngayon din.” Tunog natatarantang sabi ni Maurice.

And in an instant, everything became so fast. Sunod sunod na putok ng baril ang aking narinig, kasabay no’n ang pakiramdam ng mga balang bumaon sa aking balikat, at sa aking likod. Ang init at sakit ng unti-unting dumaloy sa aking katawan.

Natumba ako, at ang huli ko lang narinig bago mabingi ay ang tunog ng baril at ang mga yapak an nagkakagulo sa paligid. At ang huli ko lang na nakita ay ang pagdaloy ng dugo ko sa paligid at sa lapg bago balutin ng antok ang aking mga mata. My body felt so hot, but before it felt so cold, I remember the whole reason for why all of this happened.

It’s because of him.

Chapter 48

CHAPTER 48

Still

They say love conquers all, breaking barriers, crossing borders, defying every wall built against it. No boundaries, no exceptions. Love, when true, always finds its way back to victory.

But then again, love is never the same for everyone. Each heart beats to a different rhythm, and each soul speaks a different language of love. Some love gently, others fiercely. Some love quietly, others in the dark. And maybe… that’s what makes it both beautiful and tragic—that no two loves are ever the same.

What happened to Maurice’s love for Seth was tragic—almost traumatizing. Her love for him consumed her, twisted her, and turned her into something unrecognizable. The desperation to be chosen, to be loved back pushed her beyond boundaries she should never have crossed until she had no choice but to commit those things.

And that’s when I realized… when you love someone too much, it can drive you to betray your own principles, even to embrace evil itself. If that’s the kind of influence love can have… then maybe I don’t want to love at all.

Nagising ako sa hindi puting kisame, hindi tahimik na silid, at wala ako sa higaan na puti na aking inaasahan. Instead, I woke up in a room that was new to my sight. The ceiling was obviously made from an expensive material, tinged in color red. In the middle, there’s a chandelier that was gracefully hanging, making the ceiling itself expensive than the life I live, and grew up in.

Hindi ko maramandam ang aking katawan, kahit ang pinakamaliit na daliri ko sa paa ay hindi ko magawang maigalaw. The whole room was too quiet, only the sound of a machine beeping was the only thing I can hear.

Gusto kong tumayo at ilibot ang aking tingin sa buong paligid. Nasaan ako? Sigurado akong wala ako sa hospital. Hindi rin naman ito ang kwarto ko. Hindi rin ito ang kwarto… Ni Seth.

I shut my eyes tightly. Gosh! I just woke up and what I think was that bastard. I heaved a sigh. I don’t have a choice but to stay and endure my state. Para akong paralyzed patient nito.

Well, Riz. You can’t move your body, even the tiniest finger on your feet. So it means you are indeed paralyzed.

Biglang bumalik lahat sa akin ang lahat ng nangyari. The last thing that I remember before my senses left me was the sounds of the footsteps and the guns being continuously fired. Hindi ko na rin naman nakita pa ang nangyari dahil sa nabaril ako.

My throat suddenly ran dry. Nabaril ako. Nabaril ako!  Oo nga at nabaril ako, totoo iyon at hindi isang panaginip. I remember how I felt when Maurice fired me… The pain and the burn effect of the bullets when they plunged into my body.

Nangilid ang luha ko at naiiyak na dahil sa naiisip. I am still alive. How the fuck is this possible? I accept my fate in that place, my life ending in her hands. Ang gusto ko lang rin ay ang mapayapa at maging ligtas si Sander… Kahit pa kapalit no’n ang aking buhay.

Tuluyan nang tumulo ang mga luha ko. Ang sakit sa dibdib, ang sakit sakit dahil sa labis na kasiyahan na nararamdaman ko dahil buhay pa ako. I endured all of the pain, the beatings, and… The bullets.

My body wasn’t weak after all!

Umiyak lang ako habang nakahiga at tila gulay na hindi kayang gumalaw. Rinig ko ang pagbukas ng pintuan nang dahan-dahan at ang sunod no’n ay ang boses na natataranta ni Mama.

“G-Gising na si Riz. Gising na ang anak ko. D-Damian!”Nangingiyak ngunit bakas ang galak sa tono ng kaniyang boses.

Umiyak lang ako hanggang sa marinif ko na ang malalim at matigas ng boses ni Kuya.

“Riz! Fuck! Wait, calm down. The doctor is here…”

Hindi ko mapigilan ang luha kahit na gustuhin kong hindi umiyak. Pakiramdam ko lahat nang pagiinda na ginawa ko, lahat ng pagtitiis na ginawa ko habang naroon sa lugar na iyon ay tuluyan nang lumabas.

I let the doctor check me, he scanned my head, my pulse, and even asked me some questions that I answered wholeheartedly.

“Madam, Sir. She’s fine now, but based on my examination. She still needs time to heal her body. She might not be able to move her body in the meantime since it was too damaged, and she has trauma. Masyadong nabugbog ang katawan niya dahil sa mga natamo niya, it’s a good thing na walang natamaan na mga sensitive nerves ang mga balang natamo niya. But no need to worry, hindi po siya tuluyang mapaparalisa.” Rinig kong paliwanag ng doctor.

Mama cried beside me while holding my hand tightly. She couldn’t stop whispering how grateful she was that I’m now awake and safe.

“I’m happy that you are now awake, Riz. Akala ko ay tuluyan ka nang mawawala sa amin. At sa harap pa talaga ng aking mata.” Kuya Damian said.

His face was calm and the joy and happiness were evidently showing in his eyes. Nag-iba rin ang kaniyang munkha, at bahagyang nangayayat. He has stubble and there are dark circles around his eyes.

Ngumiti naman ako sa kaniya. Kahit sa sandali pa lang kaming nagkakakilala bilang magkapatid. Ramdam na ramdam ko naman ang pagiging totoo at pagmamahal niya sa akin, sinang dawala ni Mama.

“I’m sorry, Kuya Damian.” Paghingi ko ng tawad.

Pakiramdam ko ay kasalanan ko kung bakit din iyon nangyari sa akin. Ilang beses na rin kasi nila akong kinumbinsi na tumuloy nalang sa bahay at makasama sila. But I refuse them every time they offer it to me. Kung hindi rin siguro ako nagpumilit na mapatunayan ko na kaya ko mag-isa ay hindi rin iyon mangyayari.

Tumalim naman ang tingin niya sa akin.

“Why would you be sorry?”

“K-Kasi kasalanan ko naman iyon kung bakit ako nalagay sa ganun sitwasyon.” Pumiyok ang boses kong pagkakasabi sa dulo.

Lumalam at lumambot ang ekspresyon ni Kuya Damian at tuluyan nang lumapit sa akin. He held my cheeks and caressed them gently.

“It’s not your fault, Riz. Baliw na baliw lang ang babaeng iyon kay Del Prado na ‘yon kaya gano’n. Honestly, we thought that our family’s rival was the one who kidnapped you.”

Hindi ba’t tauhan ng kaaway ng pamilya namin ang lalaking ‘yon. Pero nga naman hindi ko siya kailanman nakita do’n at tanging yung matandang lalaki at yung nakatakip ang mukha lang ang palagi kong nakakaharap.

Kung gano’n ay hindi pa pala tapos iyon.

“We noticed a man wearing a black hoodie spying on you at your apartment and on your home in Del Prusada at your Nanay’s wake. I ordered our men to investigate whether that man was associated with Pobres or not.”

Pobres.

Black hoodie.

Bigla akong kinabahan dahil alam ko ang presensya ng lalaking ‘yon, na alam rin ni…

Hindi ko alam kung tama bang isiwalat ko na ang lahat sa kanila o panatiliing itago ang lahat. Ngunit naisip ko ang mga nangyari, na kasalanan ko nga rin iyon dahil mas pinili kong manahimik at hindi magsabi man lang sa kanila.

I bit my lower lip as I listened to what Kuya Damian was saying.

“Ngayon na nahanap ka na namin, at higit pa ang nangyari sayo. Mas kailangan mo na talagang manatili dito sa mansyon. We will not forbid you to go outside but we will have you bring our men to guard you.” Mataman at puno ng pinal niyang sinabi.

Tumango na lamang ako bilang pagsang ayon sa kaniya.

Nasa mansyon pala ako, sa bahay nila… Namin.

Well, I am part of the family so technically this is my home too.

Suminghap si Kuya, at marahang dinampot ang aking kanang kamay.

“We lost almost all the years of your life, we will never be able to stand up if we lose more… If we lose you, Riz. I love you, my little sister.” He said sincerely before he kissed my head.

“For now, we will focus first on your healing. You need to rest here, I’ll nurse you.” Si Mama naman ang nagsalita ngayon.

Hindi ako naka-imik o nakasagot dahil ayoko na rin naman ilaban pa kung aapila pa ako. I know that they are only doing what’s best for me, and to protect me.

Dahil oo nga naman, hindi pa rin ligtas na lumabas ako kung hindi naman pala kasabwat ni Maurice iyong nakahoodie na lalaki na iyon na siyang dumukot sa akin.

Na kung hindi pala siya kasama doon sa lugar na ‘yon. Marahil ay hindi pa rin ligtas para sa akin ang mag-isang lumabas.

Naisip ko na kung ganito na lang din ako bigyan ng tuon ng taong nasa likod nitong lahat, ang pagdukot sa akin no’ng bata pa ako at itong pagmamanman sa akin at pananakot. Ganun na lang ba kagalit sila sa pamilyang Del Fuego…

Sa tunay kong pamilya?

Well, if it’s about politics the reason why they hate and loathe this family so much. Then, it was easy to understand. Dahil nga marami ang mga taong gustong maupo sa isang mataas na pwesto para sa isang kasakimang pakay. At dahil na rin siguro sa ilang taon nang nakaupo ang pamilyang ‘to sa puwesto bago maupo si Seth ay…

“Hi, Ate Riz. I’m Aenys, your beautiful cousin.” Pagpapakilala ng isang magandang at maputing babae sa akin isang araw.

She’s my cousin, my family.

I smiled at her widely.

“Hello, Aenys. N-Nice to meet you. You’re indeed… Beautiful.” Pag-puri ko dahil totoong maganda siya. Maliit lang mukha, singkit at mala-gatas ang balat.

Namilog naman ang mata niya at kapansin pansin rin ang pag-pula ng kaniyang pisngi.

“I-Ikaw rin, Ate. A-Ang ganda mo… Gosh! I’m shy na.” Pabulong niyang saad sa dulo na narinig ko pa rin.

“Bakit ka naman nahihiya sa akin? Ako nga dapat ang mahiya dahil hindi ko man lang kilala ang mga kamag-anak ko.”

“No, it’s fine. Nahihiya lang akong purihin ng kapwa kong trans na maganda, tapos pinsan ko pa.” Sagot niya habang sinuklay naman ang buhok gamit ang kaniyang kamay.

Ako naman ang namilog ang mga mata sa kaniyang sinabi. Wait? She’s a trans? May pinsaj akong tranelya rin?

Tila may pumalakpak na fairy sa tyan ko dahil sa nalaman. So, that’s why Kuya Damian has no violent reaction when he knew about my sexuality, or didn’t even say any harsh or homophobic remarks towards me… Dahil sa may pinsan at kapamilya kaming trans.

Mas lalong gumaan ang aking sarili dahil sa nalaman.

“Bakit mo nga pala ako ina-ate? Ilang taon ka na ba?

She shifted on her seat.

“Mag-19 pa lang ako, Ate. Actually, kakagaling ko lng sa school talaga dahil sa balita na nahanap ka na nga raw. Isa pa, may tinataguan rin akong makulit na lalaki.” Biglang umasim ang mukha niya ng sinabi niya ang huling parte.

“Ganun ba? Bata ka pa pala, I’m 22 na kaya siguro ngang i-ate mo na lang ako.” Tawa ko.

“Syempre! I think I’ll be here often because you’re here finally.”

Nagpatuloy lang ang kuwentuhan namin ni Aenys noong araw na ‘yon. We became comfortable with each other, too comfortable. To the point that she suddenly opened up about her deceased older sister.

Nalaman kong ikakasal na dapat ang kaniyang ate pagka-graduate nito ng kolehiyo ngunit dahil nga raw sa aksidente na nahulog ang sasakyan niya sa bangin ay hindi na raw iyon matutuloy.

She’s now in college and currently studying somewhere in Makati. At ang ayon pa sa kaniya ay nakatira siya sa fiance ng kaniyang kapatid.

Mabilis rin na lumipas ang panahon, araw na naging linggo, linggo na naging buwan na naging taon. At sa panahon na lumipas ay mabilis din naman akong nakabangon.

I am now a certified and licensed teacher and am currently applying for a position in one of the honorable high schools here in San Fuego. Hindi ko nga inaakala na maitatawid ko ang pag-aaral dahil sa mga nangyari, magulo at nakakahindik na kaganapan sa buhay ko.

Wala na rin ako sa trabaho ko sa coffee shop dahil na rin sa hindi na magkakasya ang oras ko sa pag-aaral kung ipagsasabay ko pa rin ang pagtatrabaho. Nakakalungkot man dahil napamahal na rin ako sa trabaho lalong lalo na sa mga taong nakasama ko do’n ngunit kailangan ko kasi mamili nang bibitawan dahil sa pag-aaral ko.

Naging mahirap din ang naging huling dalawang taon ko sa kolehiyo. Mga subject at hard topics na hindi ko noon masyadong napag-aralan.

Marami rin akong nalaman tungkol sa pamilyang ginagalawan ko. Isa na doon ang pagiging taong politiko ng pamilya ko. My great-grandfather was once the Vice President of the country, while my grandfather served as the former Chairperson of the Board. Even my uncles and other relatives held positions in the government.

Aside from that, our family owned a well-known business that had branches all over the country.

I also had cousins, both men and women but I had only met a few of them so far. Kuya Damian often brought me to his office since he is now the current Mayor of this municipality.

By then, people had already known me as Damerese Sullivan Del Fuego—the long-lost daughter of Emilia Janice Del Fuego, and of my late father, Dericko Jevis Del Fuego, whom I never had the chance to meet.

It quickly became the talk of the town, and eventually, I even ended up in the news. As it turns out, my family was quite well-known, not just because of their names in politics, but also because of the businesses they owned.

At sa panahon na lumipas, isang bagay lang ang nanatiling nagpapakabagabag sa aking damdamin. Ang katanungan kung ano ang lagay niya. For the past years, I never dared to ask my family, even Kuya Damian about him and his son—or cousin, Sander. Though, I missed that kid so much but the guilt about what had happened was eating me this whole time.

How they are now—if they’re happy, if their life together is stable. Whether they’re still living together, or if Sander is already under the custody of his biological father, Tito Syrius.

Because somehow, I feel that because of me and everything that happened, I will never have any right to anything connected to them. To ask, or even to check and search for any article about them.

Magsisinungaling din ako kung sasabihin ko na wala akong nararamdaman na pangungulila. Namimiss ko ang kung ano ang mayro’n sa amin ni Seth dati. Ang relasyon namin, ang pagmamahalan namin. But every time I was in those moments of missing and reminiscing about the past, I always reminded myself how bad it turned out, how our relationship ended, and what the reasons were.

At simula rin noon ay hindi ba ako muling sumubok na pumasok sa relasyon, kahit pa maraming nanligaw at sumubok sa akin.

Isa pa, I can’t find myself entertaining someone when I know to myself that I still love him.

“What’s with your cousin today, huh? She’s dancing like there’s no tomorrow.” Natatawang saad ni Jenny habang pinanonood namin ang pinsan kong sumasayaw sa dancefloor.

Nagkibit-balikat ako.

“I don’t know. She suddenly wants to go here and drink. Hindi ko pa rin natatanong.” I shrugged.

Jenny giggled when Alex whispered something to her. My eyes snapped and rolled at them.

“Really? In front of my drink?”

Jenny raised a brow before rolling her eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Ate. Ganito talaga kami, sobrang tigang sa isa’t isa.”

“Jesus! I don’t know why I even invited you guys here.”

Humalakhak naman si Alex bago halikan sa pisngi ang aking kaibigan na ikina-hagikhik nito.

For the past years, much has changed. Even sa mga nakapaligid sa akin. Nagkabalikan at nagkalinawan na rin ang dalawa. Natanggap na rin nina Tita ang relasyon na mayro’n sila, hindi ko nga alam kung bukal ba sa loob o dahil natakot ba silang maulit yung nangyari.

“Tamis! Nilalanggam na pati yung alak ko.” Pagbibiro ko sabay turo sa baso na aking ininom.

“Bakit ba kasi ayaw mo pa mag jowa, Ate? Ilang taon kanang bakante, marami ka naman na manliligaw. ‘Wag mong sabihin na si Mayor pa rin?” Tunog pang aakusa niyang sabi sa dulo.

Tila namait ang lalamunan ko sa sinabi niya. Alam niya naman na ‘yon kahit hindi ko na sagutin pa. Pero kahit na siya pa rin ang nilalaman ng puso ko, nangako na ako sa sarili ba ang nangyari sa amin dalawa noon ay hindi na mauulit pa. At isa pa, ayaw ko na rin pang pumasok sa relasyon. Hindi naman sa pinal na desisyon iyon, bukas pa rin naman sa akin ang temang relasyon pero hindi pa iyon sa ngayon.

Dinampot ko ang baso at inisang lagok iyon. Nanuot ang pait sa lalamunan ko ngunit mas mapait pa rin ang nararandaman ko.

“He was always spotted with that woman, the psychiatric doctor. Wala naman ang nangangahas magtanong tungkol sa namamagitan sa kanilang dalawa pero sa madalas silang namamataan sa mga events and party na magkasama, matic na ‘yon.” Si Alex naman ngayon bago siya uminom ng alak.

Nagsalubong ang kilay ko dahil sa nalaman habang nakatingin sa kaniya. Wala na rin naman sakin kung may bago na siya, matagal ko naman ng tanggap iyon. At alam ko rin na hindi niya pananatilihing bakante ang sarili niya dahil lang sa akin. Mag-tatlong taon din naman ang lumipas kaya siguro ay nakalimutan na niya ako.

“Edi maganda. Mas maganda na rin iyon dahil tumatanda na siya.”

Humagikhik bigla si Jenny.

“Really? Why does your tone sound like so bitter about it? Naku, Ate! Sabi ko sayo hayaan mo at maghnap ka nalang ng iba. Gusto mo reto kita sa ex-fiance ko.” Aniya.

Ako pa nga ang naging topic dito sa table. At anong irereto sa fiance niya? Siraulo talaga ‘tong babaitang ‘to!

“Sa lahat ng puwede mo akong ireto, sa ex-fiance mo pa talaga? Loka loka!”

“Why not? His a 10/10, tall, big and bulky, and big dick.”

“Ayoko nga, Jenny. Hindi na ako interesado sa relasyon relasyon na ‘yan. You see, I’m happy being single.”

“Pero tuyot at hindi nabebembang. Promise, sobrang masasastisfy ka sakaniya.”

At talagang ipipilit pa nga niya.

Natawa ako sa kaniya ngunit pansin ko ang marahas na pagbaling sa kaniya ni Alex. Na magkasalubong na ngayon ang kilay at nanunusok na ang matang tinitigan ang girlfriend niya.

“Really? His big, huh?” He asked tauntingly.

Nakagat naman ni Jenny ang kaniyang ibabang labi at napabaling sa akin. Sa mga mata niya ay tila siya isang bata takot dahil nahuli na may ginagawang kababalaghan.

I pour another shot into my glass before raising it to her and drink it while shrugging my shoulders. It seems like you have a fight to win now, my friend.

Mabilis ko iyong nilagok bago ako nagpaalam na sa dalawang may sarili ng mundo at mukhang nagtatalo pa. Mabilis kong hinanap ang pinsan kong si Aenys sa dancefloor ng bar dahil baka mamaya ay sumama na iyon sa kung sino man ang makilala’t makasayawan niya.

I slid through the sea of people who were dancing. May mga nakabangga pa sa akin at huminga ng pasensya. Ilang sandali ko lang ginawa ang paghahanp bago ko nakita ang pinsan kong nakahalukipkip sa sulok habang kaharap ang isang matangkad na lalaki.

Nakatalikod sa akin yung lalaki na nakasuot ng itim na jacket at grey pants. Sa itsura at ekspresyon palang ng pinsan ko ay halata kong nagtatalo o naguusap sila sa hindi magandang mood.

Maglalakad na sana ako papunta sa kanila ng biglang may humawak at pumigil sa aking kamay.

My breath caught in my throat when Seth’s face welcomed me. Mabilis na nanginig ang buong sistema ko kasabay no’n ang pag-alpas nang tibok ng puso ko. He’s wearing a black cap, yet his handsome face was easy for me to check. My eyes went down to his body, and he’s wearing a sky-blue striped polo shirt.

Sa distansya na namamalagi sa aming dalawa, sapat ba iyon para maamoy ko ang mamahaling pabango niya na dati niya suot.

Hindi siya nagbago ng pabango?

“Where are you going?” He asked in his deep voice. Pasigaw niya iyong sinabi dahil sa ingay ng aming paligid.

Hindi ako nakasagot at tila ako natuyo sa kinatatayuan ko. Anong ginagawa niya dito? Kani-kanina lang ay siya ang usapan namin nina Jenny, ta’s ngayon ay bigla siyang susulpot sa aking harapan.

He raised a brow when a moment passed, but I still didn’t give him an answer. His intense gaze was too much for me to handle, especially in my state right now. Nakainom ako!

Gusto kong tumakbo, o kahit man lang ay lamunin ako ng lupa. Hindi ko kayang magtagal na katapat siya. Heck, more so talking to him!

“Uh…”

“They are busy. It seems like the man you liked is already taken. It’s too obvious by their position, so why go there?” Tila may panghuhusga sa tono ng kaniyang boses.

Hindi pa rin ako nakasagot. Nakatitig lang ako sa kaniyang mukha na ilang taon ko nang hindi nasusulypan o nakikita. He looks so matured than before, more manly and handsome.

Alam kong may alak na dumadaloy na sa aking katawan pero hindi ko alam kung kasama pa rin ba sa epekto no’n ang pag-b-blur ng paligid at ang tila pagbingi ng tainga ko at tanging boses niya lamang ang naririnig ko.

Dahil sa pananatili kong tahimik, isang sulyap ang binigay niya sa aking pinsan at sa lalaking kausap nito bago niya ibinalik ito sa aking mukha na ngayon ay matalim na ang mga matang nakatingin sa akin at nagiigting ang mga panga.

“You don’t want to speak? Don’t wanna talk? I know how to make you talk.” He said before pulling me out of that bar.

Why am I feeling this way? Why am I feeling excited by the way he said that he knows how to make me talk?

I should protest and pull my arm back from his hold, yet my body seems to like it. Ayaw ko at alam kong mali itong nangyayari, na hindi ito dapat lalo pa’t sa nalaman kong may namamagitan na sa kanil noong Jenessa na ‘yon.

Yeah, let’s say that there’s no confirmation about their relationship but heck, it was too obvious to even ask about it.

Isa pa, wala man lang pagbati o ano? Talagang sa galit at tila naiirita niya pa ako haharapin.

Tumigil kami sa harapan ng isang itim na SUV. I could see my bodyguards looking at us inquiry. Hinarap niya ako at kahit natatabunan ng presensya niya ang ilaw ay alam kong iritang irita siya.

“Now, tell me? You like that man, huh?” He said impatiently.

Mabilis na napabaling ang mata ko mula sa mga bodyguard ko patungo sa madilim at iritado niyang mukha.

Gusto? Sino? Iyong lalaki?

“What do you mean? Teka nga, wala man lang bang hi o kumustahan man lang? Galit ka kaagad at may patanong ba kung gusto ko ang kung sinong lalaking iyon.” Iritado kong sagot.

He stared at me for a moment and didn’t speak. Ilang sandali pa ay bumuntong hininga siya.

“Answer me, Baby. You like him or not?”

Tila ako nanlamig sa aking kinatatayuan dahil sa aking narinig. My heart was pounding so hard inside my chest that it hurt.

My ears were clapping, ang I felt my stomach churn because of the endearment he used to call me. It’s been years since the last time I heard him say it yet it seems like my heart still recognizes him as the owner of it.

Nanunuyot man ang lalamunan at nalulunod na sa nararamdaman, pinanatili ko ang pagkukunwaring iritado sa kaniya.

“S-Sino? ‘Yung kaharap ng pinsan ko? Hindi ‘no, at kung gusto ko man siya. Ano naman sa’yo ngayon?” Paghamon ko.

Lumambot ang mga mata niya pati na rin ang ekpresyon ng kaniyang mukha. He swallowed hard before clearing his throat.

“Y-You don’t like him?” Ulit niya na parang iyon lang ang narinig sa aking sinabi.

“Oo nga, pero ano nga iyon sayo?”

“Thanks, God.” Bulong niya.

Tinapik ko ang braso niya na agad ko rin namang pinagsisihan. My body was electrified by the sudden contact, kahit pa may suot siyang jacket.

“A-Ano nga sayo ‘yon?” Nauutal ko ulit dahil parang wala siyang naririnig.

He placed his left hand on his waist and looked at me with affection. Sa pamamaraan ng pagtigtig niya ay nararamdaman mo ro’n ang labis na pangungulila.

“It’s a big deal for me, Baby. Because if you tell me that you like him, then I’ll back off even if it’s too early. But since you said you didn’t then…”

My eyes widened when he suddenly knelt before me. He was now looking up to me with pleading eyes.

“Let me court you this time, Baby. I promised that no more secrets and lies this time, pure honesty and love.” He said.

Sobrang sakit na ng puso ko at para na akong hihimatayin sa bilis ng pangyayari. I never thought about this thing! Tila ako maiihi na, ewan, dahil sa kilig na nararamdaman.

“I’ve been miserable for the past 3 years, now I can’t afford to watch you without firing my shot this time. I want you to know that I am still the man who is too in love with you.”

“S-Seth,”

“Please, Baby. Give me a chance to correct everything, and I’ll promise that what happened between us before will not happen again. I’m still in love with you, I fucking still love you.”

“P-Pero…”

“What? A-Are you not available? M-Mayro’n na bang iba?” Nahihimigan ko ang takot at kaba sa boses niya.

Umiling ako bago tuluyang pakawalan ang mga luha na bumagsak sa aking mukha. Seth stood up and wiped the tears from falling to my cheeks.

“Shhhh, baby. Why are you crying?”

Napahagulgol ako sa lambing ng boses niya. Mahal ko pa siya, gustong gusto kong pagbigyan siya sa hinihingi niya pero sa tuwing naalala ko ang mga nangyari, natatakot ako. Natatakot akong masaktan at masira ulit ang tiwala na ibibigay ko sa kaniya.

Takot na rin akong mapahamak at madamay ulit siya at ang mga taong malapit sa kaniya dahil sa akin, dahil sa kaaway ng aking pamilya.

Mabilis kong inalis ang kaniyang mga kamay sa aking pisngi matapos ko iyong namnamin. I forcefully stopped myself from crying even though inside I was breaking.

“Seth, hindi na kasi… A-ayoko.”

“Why? Dahil ba may iba na?”

Umiling ako at marahas na pinunasan ang mukha.

“Walang iba, pero may ibang dahilan.”

“Then tell me please?” He plead. Sunod sunod na suntok ang parang nasalo ko dahil pagmamakaawa sa kaniyang boses.

Pero alam kong kung magpapadala ako ay tuluyan ulit akong magpapalamon at magbabalik sa dating ako na kinaayawan ko.

“W-wala, hindi ko sasabihin.”

“What is it, Baby? Please tell me! Para maayos ko, para magawan natin ng paraan.”

“Seth, ayaw ko at ayaw ko rin sabihi—”

Hindi ko na natuloy ang aking sasabihin dahil sa bigla niya akong hinila at niyakap ng mahigpit. Sa higpit no’n ay ramdam na ramdan ko ang pananabik at takot na mayro’n siya sa nagiging takbo ng usapan.

Kahit anong lunok ko at paulit-ulit na paalala. Ang mga nararandaman ko ay hinihila ako palubog sa temptasyon na kaniyang inaalok. Kung wala lang taong naghahangad ng masama sa akin at sa aking pamilya ay mabilis ko na siyang niyakap.

O baka kahit ako pa ang naghanap at pumunta sa kaniya para lang magbalikan kami. Kung normal lang ang pamilya na pinanggalingan ko, siguro ay wala akong magiging dahilan para tanggihan siya. Pero lahat ng iyon ay tanging hanggang sana nalang. Dahil alam ko na kahit anong pilit at hiling ko, hindi iyon ang reyalidad na kinagagalawan namin.

“Please, Baby? T-Tell me…”

Chapter 49

CHAPTER 49

Fall

Tulala ako hanggang makauwi ako ng bahay. I didn’t expect this night to turn out like this. Not in my dreams I wished to see him, more so to talk to him… about us.

I went here just to accompany my stressed cousin. I knew that she had something, baggage, behind her shoulders. I didn’t ask her what was up, but I knew, and I felt that something wasn’t right.

But it turns out that this night wasn’t just for her but for me to see the man I hadn’t seen for years, the man who is no longer visible to my eyes but only in my mind. I only think of him, and I hope he is in a good state, a good life, and perhaps in a good relationship with whoever woman it was that won his heart.

Sa mga taon na lumipas na walang komunikasyon, walang balita at ugnayan sa isa’t-isa. Alam kong may nararamdaman pa rin ako sa kaniya, na mahal ko pa rin siya. Dahil kung sasabihin ko naman na hindi na at itatanggi ko, magpapakatanqa na naman ako.

Pero matagal ko nang tanggap na wala na talaga ang relasyon na noon ay nagdudugtong sa amin dalawa, at matagal ko na rin na tanggap na may iba na nga siya.

I let myself love him from afar, without asking about how he was in the past years, what was up with him. I love him with only the memories I kept from the relationship that we had.

I glanced at the car behind us, it was his car tailing us. Hindi na ako maayos pa na nakapagpaalam sa dalawa kong kaibigan, at lalo na sa pinsan ko. De bale, tatawagan ko nalang sila mamaya pagkauwi.

Kaya nang magkita kami kanina lahat ng mga desisyon ko na mamahalin ko siya mula sa dilim at ala-ala ay para bang naguumpisa na mawala. Simula nang muli kong masulyapan ang guwapo at tila hindi tumanda niyang mukha ay parang lahat ng mga plano ko ay biglang nawala.

My body seems to recognize him, his presence beside me, his scents that were always lingering in my nose, and the heat that only he could ignite the fire within me. Lahat ng ‘yon ay biglang nabuhay at nabalik.

Tama ba ang naging reaksyon ko sa ginawa niyang pagyakap sa akin? Ang namnamin iyon, at lasapin. Tama naman siguro, sana lang ay hindi niya iyon napansin at naramdaman.

Suminghap ako. Siguro naman ay hindi niya iyon naramdaman dahil wala naman siyang sinabi, at di niya rin naman ipinunto.

Sinabi ko sa mga bodyguard ko na bababa ako sa tapat ng gate ng bahay. They gave me a knowing look but didn’t say anything.

Pagkababa ko ay umalpas na naman ang tibok ng puso ko nang matanaw ang sasakyan niyang itim na nakahinto sa hindi kalayuan sa akin. Seth went out of the car gracefully.

His eyes swiftly found mine. Para akong matatae dahil sa labis na kaba na aking narararamdaman. Dati naman ay hindi ako ganito pag nakikita ko siya, hindi ganito ang aking nararamdaman.

I stood there and waited for him. He towered in front of me and the familiar manly scent of him lingered within us.

Malambot at puno ng pangungulila niya akong tinititigan. My heart is starting to sting again from the unfamiliar pain.

“You should go inside, you are drunk.” Panimula niya.

Ngumiti ako sa kaniya ng tipid bago umiling.

“Hindi naman ako lasing, nakainom lang. Pero hindi lasing.” I said trying to make a point.

He sighed as he bowed his head. Tanaw ko pa rin ang guwapo niyang mukha mula sa kinatatayuan ko. At dahil hanggang balikat niya lang ako ay natatanaw ko pa rin ang mukha niya.

He raised his head a bit, enough for his eyes to stare at mine.”

“Why do you even go to that place? You know how to play, huh?” He said tauntingly.

My brows met. What? Anong ibig niyang sabihin? Ako? Naglalaro? Akala niya ba ay pumupunta ako sa bar para maghanap ng kalandian o ng hook up. Ganun ba?

“What do you mean by I know how to play? I didn’t go there to play and to flirt if that’s what you mean. At isa pa, bakit ka nga rin nandun? Siguro ikaw ang pumunta ro’n para maglandi at maghanap ng ka hook up!” Balik ko dahil bigla akong nakaramdam ng inis sa ideyang naghahanap nga siya ng ka hook up kaya siya na roon.

His lips raised a bit, nearly forming a smirk.

“I didn’t, okay. I went there because your brother told me you’re there with your friends and your cousin, so I followed you there to check if your brother was telling the truth.”

“Si Kuya?” Pagak akong natawa dahil hindi iyon magagawa ni Kuya Damian. He hates the idea of me having a relationship. Galit ‘yon sa tuwing may lalaking sumusubok sa akin na manligaw.

“Yeah,”

“You’re lying! Kuya hates men who flock their wings around me! Ayaw no’n na magkaboyfriend ako!”

“I’m not, ask him.” He said straightly, voice laced with a challenge.

Nakagat ko ang pang ibabang labi ko dahil sa seryoso niyang ekspresyon. Even the way he said those things says that he is not lying.

“Bakit naman sasabihin ni Kuya sayo kung nasaan ako? Nag-uusap kayo?!”

Tumango siya.

“We?”

“Yeah, we still have a connection. Well, it’s literally about business and his position as the Mayor. But yeah, he was the one who told me about your whereabouts.”

Sabagay, tama nga naman siya. Magkaibigan sila kaya maaaring may koneksyon pa rin silang dalawa sa kabila ng gulo na nangyare.

But still, why would my brother suddenly tell him about me? What’s his intention?

“Papasok na ako at magpapahinga, umuwi kana.” Anunsyo ko para lamang maputol ang usapan namin.

Pakiramdam ko pagtumagal ang pag-uusap namin dalawa at pag lalong umusad ang pag-uusap na’to kasabay ng presensya niya at ang mga sinabi niya kanina, tuluyan na akong susuko at magpapaubaya sa lahat.

At iyon ang hindi ko kayang mangyari.

Mahal ko siya, oo, mahal na mahal ko pa rin siya at mas lalo ko pang iyon napagtanto nang magkita kami ngayon.

But for me it was not enough to oversee the reason why I chose to keep my distance from him for the past years. That reason why I am still scared to love someone, to move on from the relationship that was gone for years.

I was scared to inflict damage again on someone. I don’t want to drag anyone else into the mess and danger that I know I still carry with me. Especially now that I’ve found out it wasn’t even Maurice or her family who were the real enemies… but the ones who tore me away from my true family.

My brother revealed that it was the Pobres, yet I could not comprehend who this family truly was. I had no knowledge of them, and still, they were so intent on destroying me that they resorted to crime in their attempt to bring down my family.

Because of their actions, I now find myself afraid to love again—afraid to embrace the life I deserve with the man I love.

Tumalikod na ako at handang iwanan siya nang maramdaman ko ang magaspang niyang kamay na humawak sa aking braso. Swiftly, thousands of bolts ran through my body. Para akong kinuryente sa hawak na iyon.

Napaharap ako sa kaniya, at pilit na tinatakpan ang kaguluhan na naghahari sa aking kalooban.

“What?” I ask, trying to sound annoyed.

Namumungay ang mga mata niyang tumitig sa akin. His eyes darted from my eyes down to my nose and lastly to my lips, and stared at it for moments.

Hindi siya sumagot at tanging tumitig lamang sa aking labi. Naghuhurumintado ang puso kong pinagmasdan ang pagsayaw ng iba’t ibang emosyon sa kaniyang mga mata.

Para niya akong hinahalay sa tingin niya sa aking labi, na para bang nilalaplap na niya ako kanina pa.

Namula ako sa naisip. Gosh! Riz! Ano ba iyang naiisip mo?

“Do you have something to tell me? Bilis at inaantok na ako.”

Liar! Hindi ka pa pagod at lalong hindi kapa inaantok! Gusto mo lang makatakas sa taong kaharap mo ngayon.

He heaved a sigh as he shut his eyes tightly. His eyes met mine, but soon drifted down to my lips, as though an unseen force was drawing him there, compelling him to linger in that quiet, unspoken desire.

What is it, Seth? You look like you wanted to kiss me?

You wish!

“Uh… Again, baby. Let me have my chance—our chance this time. If I need to court you, then I will. I’ll even ask your family for your hand if I need to, because that’s the only and right way I think to have you back. I love you so much, Riz. My wife, my other half.” He said sincerely that leaves me breathless.

At kahit nasabi na niya iyon kanina, ang reaksyon ng aking katawan ay parang unang beses ko pa lang iyon na marinig mula sa kaniya. I could feel my heart thumping so hard inside my chest, as if it was trying to jump out and leave me lifeless.

At ano? Baby? Kanina ko pa siya naririnig na tawagin ako sa call sign na iyon. Baby now, huh? That was your new endearment to me not your wife? You now downgraded my status in your life from wife to just your baby?

Gusto kong kaltukan ang sarili ko dahil sa naiisip.

I just stayed and stood in front of him, looking like a little mouse because of our height difference.

I want to speak, to answer his claim, and request but I couldn’t. Sa lakas ng tambol ng puso ko, sa epekto ng kaniyang presensya sa harapan ko na para bang nabibingi na ako dahil sa kalabisan na pagkalunod mula sa panonood sa kaniya.

It was like a dream come true, but this time, I only wished that it had stayed in my dream.

He heaved a sigh before nodding his head as if he understood what was inside my head.

“A-Alright… I will not force you to answer me quickly. Go inside now, and get some rest. Goodnight, baby.” He said sweetly, as his eyes stared at my face with so much affection and… Longing.

I was forced to show a smile. “O-Okay… Goodnight.” Tanging na sagot ko at pilit na inalis ang sarili mula sa kaniuang harapan.

I couldn’t calm my heart even after I successfully slid myself inside my room. I leaned my back against the door of my room and inhaled deeply.

Isang gabi pa lang kaming nagkikita at ganito na katindi ang nagiging rekasyon ko. Paano pa kaya kung araw araw na? He said that he’ll court me if he needs to, that he will respectfully ask for my hand from my family just for him to have the permission to court me.

Sa totoo lang hindi niya naman kailangan na gawin iyon. Honestly, what he needed was just my answer whether he is allowed to court me or not.

I chuckled humorlessly. Jesus, Riz! Calm yourself down. He was just your ex, who was now trying to court and win you back.

So it means you have the upper hand in this, you are the leader of this ship!

Kaya hindi rin ako nakatulog at puyat ako kinaumagahan. Buong magdamag kong inisip lahat, lahat nang naganap nang araw na ‘yon.

It wasn’t a dream, fuck, it was real. It is happening yet I was convincing myself that it wasn’t.

Tulala ako sa harap ng hapagkainan kinaumagahan. Hindi ko magawang magalaw ang pagkain na nakahanda sa harap ko.

I could even feel my mother and my brother’s eyes looking at me, puzzled. But my care was nowhere to be found in the whole room.

I sighed.

In the past year, I was fine. Everything I did was clear and deliberate; I had no intention of returning to him, nor of reviving the relationship we once had. My feelings remained steady and measured. Never did I find myself in inner turmoil, even when, from time to time, my two friends would bring up news about him.

Kaya akala ko na talaga maayos na ako, na hindi na ako maaapektuhan ng ganito. Pero tangina lang, isang beses pa lang kaming nagkikita ganito na agad ang nangyayari sa akin. Na para agad akong mababaliw!

“Are you okay, hija?” My mom finally broke the silence that had long been devouring the air in the room.

I blinked and sighed again. I’m too obvious, I’m fucking too obvious!

“Wala po, Mama.” Sagot ko at sinumulan galawin ang umagahan kahit pa alam kong wala naman talaga akong gana.

I heard my brother clear his throat. Hindi ko tiningnan dahil sa kaniya ay naging ganito na naman lahat. Siya ang may pakana kung bakit akong ganito, Mama.

Gusto ko iyon isa-boses pero hindi ko na nagawa. I wanted to blame my brother but who was really I fooling? It wasn’t his fault that Seth’s presence stirred such a reaction in me. Hindi niya naman siguro alam na magiging ganito ako kaya hindi ko rin talaga maidin sa kaniya ang sisi.

“You’re spacing out, hija. Hindi pa kita nakitang naging ganiyan sa nagdaang taon, ngayon palang. Kaya alam kong may problema. What is it? Tell me so that I can help.” Her voice was tinged with concern.

Inangat ko ang tingin ko sa kaniya bago ngumiti.

“Wala po talaga, Mama. ‘Wag po kayong mag-alala, may hangover lang po ako.” Pagdadahilan ko nalang.

Ang huli kong gustong mangyari ay ang mag-alala ng labis si Mama sa akin. She’s getting older, and even if her body and endurance are still strong, I still don’t want her to have something to worry or think about because of me

Ngumiti naman si Mama habang mataman akong tinitigan, mapaghanap ang mga mata niya ngunit kalaunan ay tumango rin.

“Any news about the school that you applied to? Magsisimula na ang panibagong school year pero wala pa rin bang balita kung pasok ka o hindi? I told you I can pull some—”

“I also told you that I don’t want to. Ayaw kong makwestyon ako nakapasok dahil sa may ginamit ako o ang pamilya natin na koneksyon para lang madestino ako ro’n. Wala pa ring balita, Kuya. Don’t worry, I’ll tell you if I have any news. Kung matanggap man ako o hindi, ayos lang kasi alam kong ganun talaga ang pagiging guro, pinipili kung saan o sino ang nararapat na mapunta ro’n.”

Akala ko aapila pa si Kuya ngunit kalaunan ay tumango na lang din at nagpatuloy sa pagkain. Totoo naman rin ang sinabi ko, ayos lang din sa akin kung matatanggap ba ako dun o hindi, at ayos lang din kung madestino ako sa ibang lugar na nangangailangan ng guro. I am willing to embrace it, dahil alam ko na gusto ko ito.

“Thank you, Kuya.” Pagpapasalamat ko kalaunan.

Mabilis na natuon ang tingin niya sa akin habang ang noo ay kunot at nagtataka kung para saan ang biglaan kong pagpapasalamat.

“What for?” He chuckled, his eyes twinkled with joy and love.

“For taking care of me, I am too thankful to have you and Mama by my side. I can’t ask for more, sapat na sapat na lahat ng ‘to.”

Umiling naman siya na parang hindi makapaniwala.

“Silly! It’s my duty as the oldest to take care of and guard you. I had lost many years of chances to do it, so now that I have the years forward I will continue to do it and ensure you are safe. Kahit pa ikamatay ko iyon.”

“Kuya!”

“Why? It’s my truth! I made a promise to our Father that I will protect you at all costs, even if it costs my life. Alam ni Mama ‘yan, diba?” Aniya saba tingin kay Mama na masaya kaming pinapanood.

Parang naghahanap pa ata kay ng kakampi kay Mama.

“Whatever! Hindi naman ako papayag na ganun ang mangyari, Kuya.”

“I know but I will still do it.”

Umuling na lamang ako sa kaniya. Wala naman na akong magagawa pa eh, alam kong desisyon niya ag masusunod. Parehas sila ni Seth, magkaibigan nga sila.

“Anyway, hija. Your Tatay and siblings will arrive here today. Yung mga gamit nila ay nasa bahay na nila, napaayos ko na rin. Pinakuha ko na kahapon, hindi ko lang nasabi sayo dahil anong oras ka na nakauwi.”

Natigil ako sa paninitig sa kay Kuya at napatingin kay Mama. I smiled at her sweetly.

“Thank you, Ma. Sorry po, di na mauulit.”

“No, it’s okay. Hindi naman sa akin kaso ‘yon lalo pa’t nasa tamang edad ka naman na, isa pa may mga bodyguard ka naman kaya ayos lang sa akin.”

“Sorry pa rin po.”

For months, Mama was consistently trying to convince my first family to move here in Del Fuego and live here. Dati pa man ay nasabi na ni Mama sa akin iyon at ang mga plano niya na tulong para kela Tatay. Okay din sa akin at ayos lang kaya pumayag ako.

Ramon is now in college, taking up a degree in BS Accountancy. Dante, on the other hand, is in his Senior High journey, pursuing the ICT track. And lastly, my younger sister, Bune, has grown into a fine young lady and is now in high school.

Hindi ko aakalain na seseryosohin niya ang mga bagay na iniyak niya sa akin noong inililibing si Nanay. Nag-ayos at sinikap niyang gumalaw bilang isang dalaga. Nagpaganda at natuto rin siyang mag-ayos kaya naman ngayon ay halos hakutin na ang mga lalaki sa school niya bilang manliligaw niya.

Nang matapos mag-umagahan ay nagpaalam naman agad ako sa dalawa na aakyat muna ako ng kuwarto. At dahil na open nga ni Kuya ang balita tungkol sa resulta kung sa DLFHS ba ako mapupunta o sa iba.

Naligo at nakapagbihis na rin ako ng karaniwan kong suot pagnandito lang ako sa bahay. Wala rin naman akong lakad at alam kong hindi mangungulit sa akin ngayon si Aenys dahil sa itsura pa lang no’n kagabi ay lasing na lasing na siya.

Oo nga pala, kailangan ko pang tawagan siya at kumustahin.

I quickly called my cousin to ask her how she was her yesternight. Because of having Seth beside me, I couldn’t even bid a proper goodbye to her—to them.

The line rang three times before she answered the call.

“H-Hello, A-Ate?” She asked. Her voice sounds like there’s something that made her a bit off.

My brows furrowed as I bit my lower lip.

“What happened yesternight, Aenys? I went home early because Kuya called me. I’m sorry.” I said, I chose to lie about Kuya Damian calling me because I don’t want her to think that Seth and I reconnected our past.

I heard her clear her throat.

“Uh… I-It’s okay… I… Ugh..” I heard her moan at the last part.

What the heck? Is she okay?

“What’s wrong?”

“Uh… Wala, ate… Hmp.” She whimpered.

Now, I know something is off.

I quickly got up from the bed and stood straight. I put my hands beside my waist as I think thoroughly about her situation.

What’s happening here, really?

“‘Yung totoo, Aenys. What’s wrong?” I asked, voice tinged with warning and firm.

I waited for her answer but after a moment, I couldn’t get any.

Mas lalong nangunot ang aking noo at mas lalong nalulunod dahil sa pagiisip kung anong nangyayari sa aking pinsan. The thought that was eating me before because of Seth was like washed over from shore to the deep sea.

After a moment, I heard a voice from the line but the way it resonated from the phone. I knew that it wasn’t Aenys.

“Shit! Baby, I’m gonna cum—”

Namilog ang mga mata ko kasabay no’n ang pag-iinit ng aking pisngi. Even just with the sound and word, I know now what is happening there. I am no saint, and I am once lorded by that too… The worldly desire.

Nag-init ang pisngi ko sa biglang pumasok na naalala sa akin. Lust and carnal needs that combined with love and affection were drowning and somewhat addictive… Ang mga bagay na pinagsaluhan namin ni Seth, and hearing it through the phone and while trying to talk to my cousin somewhat shocks me. Hindi ko siya mapag-isipan ng kung ano dahil alam kong nasa tamang edad na siya, at naiintindihan ko ano man ang nangyayari. But what shocked me was doing it while having me on the line… Those moments should’ve been done privately.

I think I might die because of how shocked I am at the moment. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang init at kaunting pagkahiya dahil sa narinig. Hindi ko iyon inaasahan! Tumawag ako hindi para marinig o malaman iyon. I just want to know if she got home safely after I left them without saying anything.

Pero hindi naman niya—nila kasalanan na malaman ko pa iyon… Pero bakit… Bakit pa niya sinagot yung tawag ko nang may ginagawa pala siyang milagro!

Oh my gosh! Aenys!

Kalahating oras pa akong nalunod sa nangyari at naiisip kung sino ang lalaking kasama niya. I don’t care who it is or what. I just want to know him, and to know if my cousin wouldn’t get hurt.

I sighed.

Pinilit ko na lang na iwaksi ang narinig mula sa aking isip. It is normal tho. Aenys is a human, and so was the man who was with her. Nasa tamang edad na siya, at alam kong naisip at may sariling desisyon naman na siya. Kaya wala na akong dapat ipagaalala.

Nalaman ko rin na hindi ako napili at nadestino sa DLFHS para magturo. Hindi naman din ako nalungkot o ano pa dahil una palang alam kong walang perpektong kasiguraduhan akong mapili lalo pa’t nakadepente iyon sa slot na mayro’n.

Isa pa, puwede naman akong magapply bilang isang volunteer teacher sa isang public school o kahit saan, sa ganun ay mahasa at mas lumago pa ang karanasan ko sa pagtuturo habang wala pang slot na pwedeng makuha.

Hindi naman mabigat sa akin iyon at sa totoo lang ay ayos lang sa akin. I know that the teachers who got chosen were deserving. Kaya wala akong panghihinayang.

Napagdesisyonan kong dumaan sa opisina ni Kuya sa munisipyo. Ganito ang nagiging routine ko kapag nabuburyo ako at walang magawa. O kaya naman ay walang maaya at mahatak para makasama sa kung saan saan.

Pagkapasok ko pa lang sa munisipyo ay isa isa na agad akong binati ng mga tauhan na na ro’n na aking sinuklian ng paggalang at pagbati.

Wearing a white fitted tank top paired with a black baggy pants, I walked proudly yet humbly inside.

Nang nasa tamang palapag na ay dire-diretso lang akong naglakad patungo sa kung nasaan ang opisina niya. His secretary immediately stood up and greeted me.

“Good afternoon, Ma’am. Si Mayor po ba?” She asked with a wide and sweet smile on her face.

I nodded and smiled back.

“Yes po, nandiyan ba siya sa loob Ate Tine?”

“Yes po, Ma’am. Kaso po ay nasa loob rin si Sir Seth at kasalukuyan na kausap ni Mayor tungkol sa proyekto na isinosulong niya sa mga taga baryo.”

Tila ako nakuryente sa kinatatayuan ko nang marinig ang pangalan ng lalaki. My heart suddenly was hammering inside my chest as my stomach started to feel butterfly flying.

“S-Si Seth?”

“Opo, Ma’am.”

Kinakabahan akong napabaling sa pintuan na nasa bandang likuran ni Ate Tine.

“Ganun ba? Sige, babalik na lang ako mamaya. S-Salamat.”

I think I went here at the wrong time, huh? Marinig ko pa lang ang pangalan niya at malaman na nasa loob siya kausap ang aking kapatid ay ganito na ang epekto ng puso ko.

The reactions that my body made when we saw each other after 5 years were too much for me to handle, and I couldn’t afford to feel another one when my mind still can’t move on from what we talked about yesterday.

Namilog ang mga mata ni Ate Trina at pawang nataranta sa sinabi ko.

“M-Ma’am, may memo po kasi si Mayor na kapag napasyal ka po dito ay papasukin ka nalang po agad… Sabihan ko na lang po siya sa intercom. Wait po, Ma’am.”

Dali dali siyang yumukod at pinindot ang intercom sa kaniyang lamesa at may kung anog sinabi do’n. Gusto kong umapela ngunit ang isip ko ay masyado nang nalulunod sa kaisipan tungkol kay Seth na nasa loob.

Hindi ko alam kung ano pa ang mas malala ang magiging reaksyon ko matapos ang pag-uusapan namin kagabi. Ang maayos niyang hinihingi ang kamay ko para ligawan niya. Hindi ko alam kung tama bang hindi ko siya bigyan ng sagot o mali na manatiling manahimik.

I already made up my mind not to get myself involved with him again… Actually with anyone. Pero bakit sa buong gabi na nagiisip ako tungkol sa kaniya ay parang hindi ko nagugustuhan ang pag-asang sumisilay sa akin kaloob-looban.

Na…

Paano kung bigyan ko ng isang pagkakataon ang aming sarili? Na mahalin ang isa’t isa?

Magiging maganda na ba ang kalalabasan ng lahat? Na sa pagkakataon na’to ay maayos na ba?

Paano kung hindi? Paano kung katulad pa rin ng dati ang sapitin ng aming relasyon ngayon kung bibigyan ko ng pagkakataon iyon?

“Ma’am, pumasok na raw po kayo.”

Naputol ang aking pag-iisip ng magsalita si Ate Trina.

Mas lalong bumilis ang puso ko. Paano kung bumalik na lang ako? Sa reaksyon ng katawan ko ay para akong mahihimatay sa kaba at panlalambot ko. Hindi ko naman dapa ito maramdaman lalo pa’t nagsama na kami ng ilang buwan dati…

Na dapat sa mga panahon na iyon sapat na sa akin na maging sanay sa kaniya… Kaya dapat hindi na ganito ang reaksyon ko.

Putanginamo, Riz! Hindi ka na teenager at high school na unang beses makaramdam ng pagkakaba at pagkakakilig! Umayos ka!

“Ah… Hindi na, Ate Trina. B-Babalik na lang ako mamaya, baka makaistorbo—”

I couldn’t even finish what I’m saying when the door of the Mayor’s office suddenly opened and revealed the man I was planning to avoid starting today.

Wearing a white polo, tucked in by his black pants. He gracefully slid his body outside. He put both of his hands inside the pockets of his pants and gracefully walked towards us… Me.

“What do you mean you’ll disturb us? You can come inside, Baby.” He asked with his deep and manly voice.

My breath became heavy as my heart hammered so fast inside my chest. I could feel my confidence drying up as I watched him march handsomely towards me.

“Nandito ka pala, hindi ka man lang nagrereply sa mga text ko sayo.” Aniya nang tuluyan nang makalapit sa akin.

A familiar warmth and gentleness suddenly washed throughout my body. Para akong isang alon na naligaw ng ilang taon at ngayun lang nakauwi sa dalampasigan.

Text?

Nag text siya? Wala akong natatanggap.

“Huh? T-Text?”

He chuckled. He then glanced at Ate Trina and nodded at her and Ate Trina nodded back at him as if they communicated through it.

Nagsitaasan ang balahibo ko nang hawakan ni Seth ang magkabilang siko ko at inilapit niya ang aking sarili sa kaniya.

“Yeah, I’m sending you messages through text since yesterday. Don’t tell me you don’t remember what happened yesterday?”

Bulong niya habang bahagyang natatawa.

“A-Anong nakalimutan? Hindi ‘no! Hindi naman ako lasing!”

He pushed himself closer to my face, if someone were to watch us from afar they could think that we are kissing because of how close our faces are.

When his breath brushed against my cheeks, my breath hitched as my cheeks started to burn. My body froze in place as the familiar scent of his started to devour the space between us.

“Sure? Then, you remember how I announced that I’ll court you again, and it started today… Besides, your brother gave his permission too.”

“H-Huh?”

He chuckled sweatily again. Bigla akong nairita dahil sa pagtawa na ginawa niya. Anong nakakatawa? Ang reaksyon ba na nakikita niya sa akin ang nakakatawa o…

“You are cute with that expression, Baby. I am really happy to finally be able to get this close to you again. I miss you so much.” He said between his chuckles.

Trembling, I put both of my hands on his hardened chest which I regret after. The trembling of my body intensified the moment I felt his skin. Ang kaba sa loob ko ay tuluyan ng nilamon ang aking buong katawan.

“W-Why are you laughing about? May nakakatawa ba sa m-mukha ko!” Sinikap kong gawing tunog na naiirita ang boses dahil ayaw kong malaman niya na ganito ang epekto niya sa akin…

Ang epekto niya na hindi ko napansin na hindi pala nawala sa akin. At hindi rin nakakatuwa na ganito ang ganap sa pagitan naming dalawa sa harap pa ni Ate Trina… Sa harap ng ibang tao na hindi man lang nagkaroon ng kahit anong reakshon.

Muli siyang natawa kaya mas lalong nag-init ang aking pisngi. Hindi man lang siya natinag sa iritasyon na pinaparating ko sa aking sinabi.

Namilog ang mata ko sa sunod niyang ginawa. I wasn’t prepared for his next move. My heart rampaged in my chest when he crouched a bit and planted a kiss on my lips. His soft lips touched mine with tender care, carrying with them the weight of longing and unspoken yearning. My whole face turned red as my eyes stared at his face which was too close to mine.

I suddenly feel a fang inside my chest when I saw his teary eyes slowly open as he pulled his face away from mine… Enough for us to have the space to stare at each other’s faces.

He smiled and in an instant, his eyes glittered with joy and contentment. He licked his lips before forming a proud and happy smile.

Hindi ako makahinga, hindi ako makagalaw. Gusto kong tumakbo, umalis sa harap niya dahil hindi ko nagugustuhan ang nararamdaman ko.

It felt as though the five years of distance had left no trace upon us, as if time itself had failed to alter the bond we shared, only our age and the faces we now wore bore the mark of passing years.

He aged so well, and so handsomely. While I, on the other hand, became the woman I had always dreamed of being since I was a child. I changed my appearance, erasing every trace of manliness from my body. Every shape, every image of it was no longer there—replaced instead by the woman I am now. And as I looked at him, I felt that this woman I had become was always meant to stand before him.

I gulped as I stood there, frozen in place. I wanted to speak, to blurt out anything that could at least give me the confidence that I wasn’t completely swallowed by his presence. I wanted to protest, to say something—anything. But I couldn’t.

Tinulak ko siya gamit ang lakas na natitira sa aking para lamang bumalik ang distansya namin nang marahan niya akong hilain papalapit sa akin… Pabalik sa lapit na posisyon namin kanina.

“S-Seth,”

He cocked his head to the side and looked at me with his gentle, dreamy eyes, as if his gaze was softly caressing my soul.

“I love you, Baby. I’m so sorry, please don’t get mad. Sige ka, papangit ka niyan.”

Ulol! Tarantado kang Mayor!

“Gago!”

Jesus! I need to get out of here, just at least to save myself! What the heck is happening to me? What happened to the plan and fixed decision I had? With just a little touch and… A swift kiss, I will wash all of that in an instant.

No! Please, Riz. No!

Chapter 50

Hi! You are now on the last chapter of this story. Thank you so much for giving this genre and my story a chance, which was one of the reasons why I continue writing this story. I started writing this story to ease the pain inside of me. I created this story inside my head because I was still in denial of the fact that my mother would soon leave us. But as time went by, I started to gain more readers, and I realized that this is not just a story for me. But a chance to emphasize the importance of trust, truth, and loyalty. Not just between two people in a relationship, but to everyone. I know I still have much to learn, and I am more than open to criticism. I’m always looking forward to doors for improvement and to skills that I might learn.

Seth and Riz’s story wasn’t focused on romance; it also revolves around the issues and red flags that we experience in relationships—in real life. Writing them was like an eye-opener to me that not every person’s efforts were pure and honest.

Once again, thank you so much, my dear readers, for giving my story a chance. For trying to read through my writing style. I am very grateful to those who stayed and reached this chapter without any jumps. I promise that I will continue to write and improve my writing… And I kindly ask for your kindness and also a little bit of your time to give me and this story some feedback.

Thank you! Daghang salamat po.

See you on Seth Adrial Del Prado’s POV.

Chapter 50

Again

Busangot akong nakaupo sa sofa rito sa loob ng opisina ni Kuya. My ass of a brother was smirking at me every time he took a glance at me.

And the asshole? Yes, he was sitting beside me comfortably while one of his hands was resting above the backrest of the sofa, behind me, as if he was putting his arms around me.

“So, the project will start next month, or maybe in June? I still need to arrange a proper meeting with the team.” Kuya Damian said before he eyed me again, before smirking at me.

“Sure, bro. Just contact my secretary or call me if you need anything, I was just around so…” The asshole answered him.

Diretso ang tingin ko habang busangot ang aking mukha. At kahit hindi ko sila pagtatapunan ng tingin ay alam at ramdam na ramdam ko ang mga panaka-naka nilang tingin sa akin at sa isa’t isa.

I can’t believe him! He said before that he’ll no longer approve of Seth for me! Then why the change of mind now? What’s this?

He was like selling me to him like I was just some type of offer for his potential business partner.  Hindi ko siya magets?! Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dahilan kung bakit may biglang pagbabago sa kaniyang desisyon o kung may ginawa ba si Seth na ikanaganito niya.

I felt Seth staring at me, it was as if he was reading me through the expression I was showing.

Hindi ako makapagsalita at hindi ko rin magawang usisain o tanungin si Kuya dahil sa presensya niya. I felt like an ice being stuck in a place. Para na siguro akong hotdog sa ref na sobrang tumigas.

“What’s with your face, Riz? Do you have any problems?” My ass of a brother finally asked me.

Buti naman at napansin niya na hindi na ako natutuwa sa kaganapan.

Slowly, I turned my head to him—still wearing my frowning face.

“What do you think?” I snarked, rolling my eyes.

Namilog ang mata niya at kahit pilit niyang itago ay kitang kita pa rin sa mukha niya ang tawa na pilit na tumatakas sa kaniyang ekspresyon. Hindi ko maiwasan na mamangha sa itsura niya na nakaupo sa pwesto niya bilang isang Mayor nitong lugar na ‘to.

Sobrang bagay sa kaniya ang pagiging pinuno. Kayang kaya at tila sobrang dali lang para sa kaniya ang pamunuan ang bayan na’to.

This was the very same place where I first saw Seth. Ang unang pagkakataon na nakausap konsiya at ang unang beses kong makarinig ng kabaliwan sa buong buhay ko.

Nga lang, sa ilang taon na nagdaan marami na ang nabago sa opisina na ‘to. The interior of this office changed.

“Why are you asking me? I don’t know that’s why I’m asking you.” He shrugged.

I gritted my teeth as I bore my sharp eyes at him. At talagang mag mamaang maangan ka?

“Yeah?”

He raised a brow and glanced at the man beside me, he then bowed his head and scratched his brow.

“What is it, really?” I said and stood up from my seat. At kahit hindi ko tingnan si Seth ay alam kong nagulat siya sa aking pagtayo.

Despite the nervousness and uneasiness that I am feeling, I walked toward where my ass of a brother is.

The smirk was still plastered on his lips when he shifted in his seat. He rested both of his hands at the top of the wide table and watched me walk toward him with amusement.

“I know what you are doing! I thought you didn’t like the idea of me being in a relationship. Then, what’s this?” I taunted, barely loud.

Hindi ko na alam kung nasan napunta ang hiya ko o kahit ang pake ko na nandito si Seth kasama namin sa isang silid habang binubuksan ko ang topic na ito.

At bakit nga ba kasi ako magkakapake kung nandito siya, huh?

Alam ko kasi na pag mas lalo kong pinatagal itong ginagawa niya ay patuloy niya akong ibebenta sa lalaki.

“What? I didn’t say that I didn’t like the idea of young being in a relationship, I just didn’t like the man who tried to court you.” He said while chuckling.

“Oh, is that it? Really, Kuya?”

“Yeah,” He stood up—now he’s towering over me, the height difference between us is very visible. “Why do you sound like a toddler who is throwing a fit?”

I smirked.

“Do I really look like one?”

“Yeah, little sis.”

I rolled my eyes at him. Gusto kong talakan na siya dito ngunit ang presensya ni Seth lamang ang pumipigil sa akin. I don’t want him to see us bantering and having a sibling fight because of him…

Well, not pointy.

“Okay. But what you are doing right now, please stop. I no longer have the means to have a boyfriend, all the more so, being married. I know what you are planning, and you are selling me like a damn business offer.” I said above whisper. Hindi ko na alam kung narinig ba niya iyon o hindi.

Namilog ang mga mata niya sa sinabi ko, kitang kita at sobrang bumabakas ang pagkakamangha niya sa mga nasabi ko. He brushed his hair using his hand while still laughing.

“You’re funny, little sis.”

“Whatever, Kuya. But please stop!” I said and gave him a last look before turning my back on him and walking to where I was sitting to grab my purse.

Habang naglalakad ay wala sa sarili akong napatingin kay Seth na nakaupo pa rin sa sofa. He was manspreading while his two hands were crossed above his chest. He stared and watched me with longing and so much affection in his eyes. Nakaawang rin ng bahagya ang kaniyang bibig na para bang namamangha na kung ano.

Mabilis kong iniwas ang aking tingin sa kaniya at dali daling kinuha ang aking bag. I faced my brother again to bid my goodbye.

“I’m going now, Kuya. It seems that I visited you at the wrong time. I’ll come back again some other time, goodbye.”

“Not really, Little sis. Where are you going after here?” He said and glanced at Seth behind me.

“Gonna check some schools who accepting volunteer teachers. I didn’t get the spot, but it’s fine.”

“I told you I can pull some strings.”

“Kuya, I already told you my say on that.”

He nodded before sitting on the swivel chair. Kinuha at sinuot niya ang salamin niya na mas nagpa-guwapo ng kaniyang mukha.

Wala na siyang nasabi pa dahil alam niya na hindi magbabago ang aking isipan tungkol do’n.

“Okay okay… I forfeit, please let me know if you find any schools. Hahayaan na kita sa ganito.”

“Thank you, Kuya.”

“It’s nothing, Little sis. Kasama mo ba ang driver natin?” He asked as he started to grab some papers.

“Yeah. Kasama ko si Eldrin, siya ang driver ko ngayon dahil kasama raw ni Mama si Manong Pedro.”

I heard a sound of the sofa moving.

“Who is this Eldrin, Baby?” Si Seth na ngayon ay tumayo na mula sa pagkakaupo.

Sinulyapan ko lang siya sa aking likod at hindi sinagot ang kaniyang tanong.

“Okay, I’m at ease now. Off you go, Little sis.” Aniya at sumulyap muna sa aking likuran at ngumisi.

I nodded.

“Goodbye again, Kuya.” Then I turned my body and faced Seth. Bahagya pa akong nagulat nang nasa harap ko na siya. Magkasalubong ang kilay at mataman na nakatitig sa akin.

“G-Goodbye… S-Seth.” Nauutal kong saad dahil nagsisimula na naman maghurumintado ang puso ko dahil sa aming distansya.

Hindi niya ako sinagot at mataman lang niya akong tinitigan. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang tumatakbo sa isip niya ngayon o ano ang dahilan kung ba’t lukot ang kaniyang noo.

I smiled at him for the last time before I walked out of that room. Pagkalabas ko ng pintuan ay tyaka ko lamang napakawalan ang aking hininga na kanina ko pa pala pinipigilan sa loob. I can’t believe that Kuya is trying to do that! Alam niya naman ang nangyari sa amin noon ni Seth.

He knew what happened to our relationship, and the secrecy that transpired with it. At sa reaksyon na binigay niya noong sinabi ko sa kanila lahat lahat noong mga oras na pinipilit ako ni Mama na mag-asawa na.

I told them everything, the very root of the reason why I no longer want, or maybe, not ready to be in a relationship again. My whole trust was burned because of the betrayal that he committed against our relationship. The secrecy that he chose to keep despite the reason behind it—why he didn’t tell me about it.

Mahal na mahal ko si Seth, at alam ko na hanggang ngayon mahal ko pa rin siya. Pero hindi mapapanatili ng pagmamahal lamang ang isang relasyon kung ang isa sa amin ay nagtatago at walang tiwala sa isa’t isa.

I love him, still, yes but the fear of yesterday still haunts me. Idagdag pa do’n ang walang kasiguraduhan na hindi na mauulit ang nangyari sa akin na pagdukot.

Kaya kahit sobrang taba ng puso ko dahil sa nakita kong maayos siya ay hindi ko magawang kagatin ang hinihingi niyang pagkakataon para sa relasyon namin dalawa. I’m still scared and traumatized by what happened in the past.

At natatakot ako na paano kung ngayon… Sa pagkakataon na ‘to ay hindi lang gano’n ang mangyari? Paano kung mas malala na? And above all that, I’m scared to lose myself.

“Who is that Eldrin, Wife?”

Napabalik ako sa ulirat nang marinig ko ang boses ni Seth. Napahinto ako sa paglalakad pababa sa unang palapag at wala sa sariling napaharap sa kaniya.

“W-What are you doing here?”

He stood straight and looked at me, dead serious. My heart started to pound hard inside my chest as I looked at him still surprised.

“Uh… Following you? Now answer me, Wife. Who is that Eldrin?” He asked again, voice now tinged with challenge.

“Bakit mo ako sinusundan? Diba may meeting pa kayo ni Kuya? At bakit ba tanong ka ng tanong tungkol kay Eldrin?” Tanong ko pabalik.

Gosh! Gusto ko bigyan ng award ang sarili ko dahil matagumpay kong nasasagot siya nang hindi nagpapalamon sa nararamdaman dahil sa epekto niya.

Mas nagkasalubong ang kilay niya.

“Just… Just answer me, Wife.”

Wife…

Hindi na Baby, huh? Wife na ulit… Hindi na ako downgraded, full upgrade na ulit.

I bit my lips as I stared at his pleading face. Na kahit na ngungunot ang kaniyang noo ay bakas na bakas sa mga mata niya ang pagsusumamo na sagutin ko ang tanong niya. Gusto kong ngumiti o matawa dahil sa labis na saya na nararamdaman ko ngayon dahil sa ekspresyon na pinapakita niya. Never have I seen his face show an expression like this one to me before. Na kahit na may pagsusumamo sa kaniyang mga mata ay mabilis niya rin iyon natatakpan ng pagiging matikas niya.

“He is my personal driver and bodyguard. Okay ka na?” I crossed both of my hands above my chest as I answered him. Trying to show the facade that I’m not affected by him anymore… At least… Just a facade.

Umangat ang gitna ng magkasalubong niyang kilay habang mataman na nakatitig sa akin. Na para bang hindi siya kuntento o kombinsido na ganun lang iyon.

“R-Really? A bodyguard?”

I nodded. “Yes, my personal… Bodyguard.”

Umawang ang bibig niya na para bang may sasabihin ngunit hindi natuloy. He then heaved a relaxed sigh before turning his head away.

May naiisip na ako sa kung ano ba sa kaniya ang sagot kong iyon. Ngunit ayokong mag-assume o ano.

I tilted my head as I waited for whatever he was going to say—o kung may roon nga ba. When he looked back at me, his face was now calm and at peace. Wala na ang kung ano man ang bumabagabag sa kaniyang mga mata.

Samantala ang puso ko ay mas lalo lamang nagwala ng makita ko kung paano kuminang ang mga mata niya habang tinititigan ako. Sa pamamaraan ng pagtitig niya ay parang malulusaw ako.

“Good.” He said, barely whispered.

Huh? What good?

“M-May sasabihin ka pa ba? Aalis na ako, puwede ka nang bumalik sa opisina ni Kuya.” Ani ko sa kabila ng kaba na nararamdaman.

He smiled at me sweetly before shaking his head.

“Hindi na, aalis na rin ako.” Sagot niya.

Huh? Uuwi na siya? Kung gano’n ay tapos na rin ang pagpupulong nila ni Kuya? I thought they had some things to discuss that’s why I excused myself from that room just for them to have the time.

“O-Okay.” Tangi kong nasagot.

Hindi na rin siya nagsalita o sumagot kaya kinuha ko na ‘yon bilang isang palatandaan na umalis na. Sa likod ko ay ramdam ko ang presensya niyang nakasunod kaya hindi ba ako nagtaka sa mga mata na binibigay ng mga impleyado ng munisipyo sa amin. At nang makalabas kami at makapunta sa parking lot ay agad ko rin naman natanaw si Eldrin na nakatayo sa harap ng itim naming sasakyan.

Eldrin is about 20 years old, he’s younger than me. Yet, his build was like that of an athlete or you could easily guess that he was a man of the gym. Guwapo at matangkad din. Truth is, Eldrin was a batchmate. He also graduated BSE, but not like me who already took my LPT. He hasn’t yet taken his. Naging bodyguard ko siya nang lumipat na at nanirahan na nga ako sa bahay nina Mama.

Manong Pedro, our family’s most loyal bodyguard was his father. Kaya isa rin iyon sa dahilan kung bakit madali siyang napasok sa amin.

“Ma’am,” He quickly went to me and was about to guide me when I heard Seth’s voice.

“What are you doing?” He said, his voice was firm and laced with warning.

Napahinto ako, ganun din si Eldrin.

Slowly, I shifted my body toward him and looked at him puzzled. Anong ginagawa nito? At bakit parang sa pamamaraan palang ng boses niya ay may hindi na magandang hatid.

Seth’s brows were furrowed as he stared at my bodyguard beside me. No hostility yet the way his jaw clenched says the volume—he is jealous.

Tila nanuyot ang lalamunan ko sa antipasyon na siya ay nagseselos kasabay ng pagkalabog ng puso ko. Hanggang ngayon pala talaga ay seloso pa rin siya. Na ganito pa rin siya sa mga lalaking didikit sa akin.
Naalala ko tuloy no’ng mga panahon na palagi siya sa apartment ko, at nung mga oras na naabutan niya kami ni Alex na nagm-movie marathon. The jealousy and possessiveness in him were steaming out.

A smirk formed on my lips. Ramdam ko ang mainit na kamay na yumakap sa aking puso.

“I’m guiding her to the car, Sir.” Magalang na sagot ni Eldrin habang ang mga kamay niya ay nakagayak sa akin.

Seth’s jaw clenched tighter, his eyes became deadly as he looked at us. Hindi ko alam kung bakit mas natutuwa ako sa ekspresyon na pinapakita niya kaysa sa matakot. Alam kong hindi niya nagugustuhan ang sinasagot sa kaniya ng bodyguard ko. But I have this feeling that even if he has reached his highest point, he will not hurt my bodyguard.

Hindi katulad noon na…

“You can escort my Wife to the car without holding her in her waist, get off your damn hands now.” Gigil niyang saad.

Namilog ang mata ko at sa pagkakataon na ‘yon ay hindi ko na naiwasan pang mangiti. Para na akong tanga na pinagkakatuwaan ang emosyon niya ngayon.

Mula sa gilid ng aking mata, kita ko ang pagbaling ng tingin ni Eldrin sa akin. I looked at him too. His eyebrows are now met between, and the way his eyes looked at me was like searching for my answer.

Tumango ako. And with that, he slowly removed his two hands that were holding me. Siraulo kasi ‘tong lalaking ‘to.

“Back off.”

Halos mapatalon ako sa kinatatayuan ko nang maramdaman ko ang biglang paghawak ni Seth sa aking beywang. Unti unti niyang pinulupot ang kaniyang kamay sa baywang ko at marahan at dahan dahan niya akong hinila palayo kay Eldrin.

With my widened eyes, I stared at him in awe. Hindi ko napansin man lang na lumapit na pala siya sa akin. And I didn’t see his move coming! My heart was now hammering so hard inside my head and the butterflies that I thought were long gone in my stomach were starting to get wild.

Para na akong mabibingi sa lakas ng tibok ng pusp ko. He was staring daggers at Eldrin while I was here—inside his embrace, staring at him frozen.

“I’ll take her home, you can just tail us up.” He said steadily, yet warningly.

“Y-Yes, Sir.” Rinig kong sagot ni Eldrin. Gusto kong umangal o umapila ngunit dahil sa pwesto namin ngayon ni Seth ay hindi ko magawa.

Anong ihahatid niya ako? E, hindi pa naman ako uuwi!

Gosh! Riz! Umangal ka naman! Magsalita ka.

At na higit ko ang hininga ko nang dahan dahan niyang binaling ang tingin niya sa akin. Ang matatalim niya mata ay lumambot na para bang may dumaan na anghel sa harap ng mga mata niya.

I could feel the warmth of his skin on mine, and the way my heart beats for him was like a dog recognizing its master.

“Let’s go, Wife.” He smiled at me widely. A smile that showed the raw emotions he had for me.

“Uh…”

“Why? Is there something wrong?” He asked when I couldn’t make a word for him.

“W-Wala…”

“Are you sure? Tell me, Wife. Is there something wrong? Do you feel something odd? Or…”

Hindi niya tinuloy ang dapat na sasabahin ngunit kita ko ang pagsilay ng mapaglarong ngiti sa kaniyang labi. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang iniisip niya pero sa pamamaraan niya nang pag-ngiti ay parang nagkakaideya na ako.

I tried to push him by his chest as I could feel my cheeks burning. Sabi ko ay hindi ako magpapadala sa mga ganito niya, sa mga bagay na nagpapaalala sa akin ng dati naming relasyon. But every minute we shared the same space, I couldn’t help myself but indulge and go with the flow of it. Na para bang pag nasa iisa kaming lugar at malapit ang katawan ng isa’t isa ay nawawalan ako ng kontrol sa aking katawan at pag-iisip.

“S-Seth…” Mahina kong ani. Hindi ko na talaga maintindihan ang nararamdaman ko o kahit ang sarili ko.

He gripped my waist and pulled me closer to him. Ang labi niya ay ilang pulgada nalang ang layo sa akin. Ang mabango at mainit niyang hininga ay humahagod na ilong papunta sa pisngi ko.

“Yes, Wife?” Sagot niya habang mapaglarong inilapit ang kaniyang labi sa akin.

Napapikit ako at bahagyang napaliyad nang dumampi na ang labi niya sa akin. Lahat ng rason at rasyonal kong pag-iisip ay biglang nawala dahil sa temptasyon na binibigay ng kaniyang labi.

My hands that was placed on his chest slowly ran upwards and snaked around his neck. Ramdam ko ang pagngiti niya sa gitna ng halik namin. He angled his head to aim for a better and deeper kiss. Binuka ko rin ang labi ko para bigyan siya ng signal na mas paigtingin at mas palalimin ang halik namin.

The kiss that happened earlier in front of Ate Trina suddenly flashed in my mind, and with that, the familiar heat and lust began to emerge within my body. Lumalalim na rin ang paghinga ko, the type of breathing that I thought I no longer felt for the entirety of my life.

Gusto kong kumalas, gusto kong sundin ang katuwiran ko… Pero mas nananaig ang kagustuhan at temptasyon na aking nararamdaman.

Ni wala na akong pakialam kung nasa labas man kami o sa parking lot nitong munisipyo!

When he pulled his face away, I slightly followed his lips—longing, unsatisfied. I want more of him, not only his kisses but the whole of him. Nababaliw na ata ako! Nababaliw na sa kaniya.

Namumungay ang mga mata ko siyang tinitingnan, at ganun din siya. He then licked his lips seductively which made the heat within me intensify.

“S-Seth,” Mahina kong daing. Hindi ko na alam kung para saan paba iyon, dahil isa lang ang gusto ko at iyon ay ang kaniyang halik.

“What, Wife? What do you want, hmmm?” He asked teasingly as he rested his forehand on mine.

“Please,”

He smirked.

“Please what? Hmmm? What is it?”

“Kiss me, please.” I plead. I pulled him close to me and tried to aim for the kiss again.

Ngunit iniwas niya iyon kaya napaungot ako. Inilayo niya ng kaunti ang sarili sa akin at tinitigan ako sa mga mata. The way he stared at my eyes was like scanning and digging into what’s really inside my mind.

Gosh! Wala na nga akong paki sa rasyonal kong pagiisip para lang sa halik niya!

“Na-uh… I don’t kiss what’s not mine. Answer me first, make me your boyfriend first.” He challenged.

Napalunok ako. Ramdam pa rin ang tindi ng tibok ng puso ko.

Hindi ako sumagot at tumingkayad ulit para subukan abutin ang mga labi niya ngunit tulad kanina ay iniwas niya iyon.

I groaned. Ba’t ba ayaw niya? Eh parang hindi siya ang nangunguna sa mga halik halik na nangyayari sa amin dalawa!

“Seth!”

“No, Wife. Make me your boyfriend first, then I’ll give you more than just that kiss.”

“Please!”

He shook his head. Declining again.

Nagsalubong ang kilay ko dahil sunod sunod na niya akong tinatanggihan! What the hell is wrong with him!

“Ayaw mo?” I asked, my irritation starting to win over me.

“I want it too, but again, I don’t kiss what’s not my girlfriend.” He answered coolly, eyes still lidded and drunk in pure love. At talagang hindi mo pa iderekta! Ganun din ‘yon.

“So, in short, ayaw mo nga?” Hamon ko.

“I said—”

Hindi ko na siya pinatapos sa sasabihin niya dahil ang init na nararamdaman ko ay mabilis na palitan ng iritasyon! How dare he reject me thrice!? Ikaw ‘tong nangunguna sa halik na hindi ko iniisip man lang. Ikaw ‘tong nag-i-initiate no’n ta’s pag nadala na ako ay bibitinin mo ako! How dare you, Seth! How fucking dare you!

Nakakahiya! Nakakahiya pa na nagpapadala at nagpapalunod ako sa halik at temptation na binibigay mo sa akin… Na nagpapalamon ako sa mga iyon kesa sa rasyonal at rason ko para iwasan ka… Tapos bibitinin mo ako!

Hindi niya napaghandaan at mabilis kong tinulak ang kaniyang dibdib dahilan para mapakalas siya at mapaatras mula sa akin. Namimilog at gulat ang mga mata niya akong tinignan habang awang any bibig.

“If you no longer want to continue, there’s no reason for this skinship then,” I said before turning my back on him and striding towards the car where my bodyguard is.

Hindi ko na siya nilingon at tuloy tuloy lang ang paglalakad ko papunta sa sasakyan namin. When I successfully entered the car, I didn’t look back at him. I just told Eldrin to pull off and leave.

How dare he lure me and tempt me and when I finally gave in and slowly drowning, he will just pull off that relationship thing! He knew that I still had feelings for him. Na alam niyang mahal ko pa rin siya, kaya niya iyon ginagawa sa akin. Ang tanga tanga ko rin kasi para hayaan ang sarili ko na mahulog sa mga patibong niya!

Hiyang hiya ang nararamdaman ko kasabay ng iritasyon ko sa kaniyang ginawa. Kaya naman ang balak kong pagbisita sa mga high school sa bayan na ‘to at sa karatig pa ay hindi na natuloy dahil nawalan na rin ako ng gana. I instructed Eldrin to drive us home because I don’t think I can stay out all day with this embarrassment and irritation lingering inside of me.

Pag-uwi ko sa bahay ay hindi na ako lumabas pa ng kuwarto ko buong araw. Pinahatid ko nalang kela Manang yung pagkain ko.  I busied myself checking some schools nearby, and I also checked some schools from Marikina since it was the nearest city to here. Alam kong hindi rin basta basta ang magiging proseso nito at nakadepende rin iyon sa school kung tatanggap sila.

But then again, it was the only chance for me to get far away from here—from him. Kahit hinayaan ko ang sarili kong magpadala sa temptasyon kahapon ay buo pa rin ang isip kong hindi siya tanggapin sa relasyon na gusto niya.

Kinabukasan ay maaga akong gumising dahil balak kong puntahan ang mga nahanap kong school. Pero dahil hindi nakaayon sa akin ang tadhana, ang planong puntahan ang mga school na iyon ay hindi matutuloy.

“Gosh! Ate! Sige na, wala naman ikaw gagawin. Nabobored na kasi ako sa bahay!” Ungot ni Jenny habang nakaupo sa sofa namin dito sa salas.

I looked at her with a brow raised. Hindi ko alam na nandito na siya ng ganito kaaga! Niyaya niya na naman akong magbar samantalang kakatapos pang namin mag bar nung nakaraang araw!

“Jenny, I told you. I have plans for today. Isa pa ba’t hindi mo kulitin nalang si Alex kesa sakin, hindi talaga kita masasamahan ngayon.”

Ngumuso siya at umirap.

“Magkaaway kami! Kaya nga ako nandito kasi magkaaway kami.” Halukipkip niya at hindi makatingin ng diretso sa akin.

Na naman?

“Ano na naman ang dahilan? Don’t tell me ikaw na naman ang pasimuno?” I chuckled.

Sanay na ako sa dalawang mag-live-in na ‘to. Kung hindi sobrang lambing sa isa’t-isa ay magkaaway naman. Sa ilang taon ng relasyon nila na nasusubaybayan ko, madalas itong mangyari.

I witnessed how their relationship grew, and how they faced every hardship and obstacle that stood in their way. At wala pa akong nakita na nakasira sa relasyon nilang dalawa.

“Tama ba ako? Omg ka, Jenny.” Natawa ako at naglakad papunta sa kaniya. “What did you do this time?”

She side-eyed me as she pouted her lips more. Para na siyang batang nagmamaktol habang nakaupo sa sofa namin. Napatingin ako sa kasambahay na dumaan galing sa labas papunta sa aming kusina. She greeted us, and I smiled at her.

“Really? What did you do? You’re both my friends, well, more than a friend of mine. Kaya kilala ko na ang karakas niyong dalawa. And knowing Alex since I was a little, alam kong hindi iyon papatol sayo ng hindi malala ang rason.” I held her hand and gently caressed it. Napatingin siya sa kamay namin habang nakanguso pa rin ang mga labi.

“What is it?”

“Well, I’m at fault naman. But is it wrong of me to ask him about what he’s planning for us? I mean, hindi na kami bata, and I’m kinda done with this stage of my life…” She finally raised her head and looked me in the eyes. “I want a family, I want to settle down.” And she finally said it.

Namula ang mga mata niya at parang maiiyak na. I felt her gripping my hand, it was as if she was holding back everything.

“J-Jenny,” I was lost for words to say.

Never in the entirety of our friendship did I hear her say this. Siya rin ang taong nasa huli ng akin listahan na magkakaroon ng gusto tungkol sa pagkakaroon ng pamilya. She will always be the type of friend who is an outgoing, and playful, party girl who stayed beside me. She never mentioned a thing about this!

At hindi kailanman niya naipakita sa tindig at galaw niya na gusto niya iyon!

Or maybe I was just judging her because of her physical looks and how she behaves. That maybe, having a family was really part of her biggest dream, to have a child with the man she loved. And she just wasn’t vocal about it.

“Ayon lang naman ‘yon ta’s biglang nagbago ang timpla ng mukha niya at di na ako pinansin buong araw. Kaya nagalit na ako… Now, is it really my fault?” She sighed in dismay.

“Jenny, I’m sorry… I don’t know what to say…” I said with all honesty.

She held our eyes as the hope gleamed within her eyes along with the emotions she bore with her. Na para bang matagal na niya itong tinatago at kinikimkim. Na hindi niya lang masabi sa kung sino hanggang sa mga oras na ito.

“But I do understand you. I… I want you to know that it is not a fault to dream, all the more so wish to have a family.” I paused and heaved a sigh. “But maybe, Alex… He wasn’t yet ready… Baka hindi pa siya handa o baka may iba pa siyang dahilan. Mali naman ang hindi ka pansinin buong araw dahil lang do’n, and for that he’s at fault there. What I think you guys should do is to have a heart-to-heart talk.”

“Pero paano? E hindi ngani ako pinapasin. Pinagluto nga ako, pinagsisilbihan pero hindi ako pinapansin kaya nairita na ako. Kaya please! I want to party! Samahan mo ako.” She pleaded on the last part.

I understand her… And also I am trying to understand the side of Alex. I don’t know his side and I don’t want to drop into anything without hearing it first. Alam kong mahal na mahal niya si Jenny, at gusto rin naman siguro niya ang gusto nitong babaitang ‘to. Siguro ay may rason lang siya kung bakit ganun ang naging reaksyon niya… But ignoring her was really not good for me… Sarap niyang suntukin!

“Okay, sige sasama na ako.” Pagpayag ko. Her face lit up as her lips slowly formed a smile.

“I love you talaga, Ate. Alam kong hindi mo ‘ko matitiis eh. Huhu” She even acted the last part.

Natawa naman ako.

“I love you too, Ate. Saan mo ba napili magparty ngayon?”

Her smile grew wider… And creepier.

“Secret.”

We stayed there for lunchtime. Umuwi siya ng magbandang ala una. She said that Alex was not in their house. Dahil may business trip itong inattend-an. Kaya pala malungkot siya dahil din iyon do’n. I suddenly want to yank at that man! Hindi man lang niya kinausap ang babae patungkol sa gusot nilang dalawa. At talagang kinaya niya iyon!

Nang nag gabi ay sinundo naman ako ni Jenny para sabay na kaming pumunta sa BGC. As we entered the bar, the loud buzz and beat of the music burst into our ears. The lights are a bit dim and some smoke is floating in the air. Ngayon lang ako nakapasok sa bar na ito, at hindi rin ito ang bar na napuntahan namin noong mga college pa kaming dalawa. This is a new place for me, and I kinda like it.

Sinundan ko si Jenny papunta sa table namin. May mga iba’t ibang alak na ang nakahanda do’n na para bang alam na dadating kami. Jenny swiftly strides and sits on the sofa as she squeaks in happiness. Naiiling nalang akong sumunod sakaniya habang may ngiti sa akin labi.

She started to pour drinks into the glass and drink them like there was no tomorrow.

“Jesus! This is what I need!” She said, sounding joyful yet the emotion behind it wasn’t able to escape my ears.

Hindi ako kumibo at tumingin na lamang sa kaniya habang masayang umiinom ng hindi ko na mapangalanan. Guatuhin ko man paalahanan o pigilan siya ngunit ang kaalaman na may sakit ao dismaya siyang dinadala ang pumipigil sa akin. I want her to forget the things that are frustrating her… Even just for tonight.

Gulat akong napatalon nang inabot niya sa akin ang isang baso na may kulay violet na inumin.

“Drink, Ate. Let’s get drunk tonight.” Aniya. Despite the loudness of the place, I was able to hear what she said. She didn’t even raise her voice or lean towards me.

Smiling, I slowly grab the glass she offered and quickly sip it.

“Yeah!”

Nalukot bahagya ang mukha ko dahil sa kakaibang lasa nito. Mapakla ngunit matamis na hindi nakakagaspang sa lalamunan. What is that drink?

“Jenny, ano ‘yon?”

“Huh?” She asked, puzzled.

Hindi siya lumilingon sa akin dahil abala siya sa pagsalin ng mga alak.

“Sabi ko, ano iyong pinainom mo sa akin?”

“Ah… It’s just a cocktail.” She shrugged.

Cocktail? Pero iba ang lasa, ibang iba sa karaniwan niyang bininigay sa akin…

Hindi na ako kumibo at hinayaan nalang siya. I also tried another alcoholic drink which I think the alcohol level.

Ilang oras pa kaming nananatili ni Jenny do’n. Pinapakinggan ko lang siya na magkuwento ng kung ano ano. May mga bumabati rin sa kaniya na mga kakilala niya sa tuwing napapadaan sa table namin. Ang iba ay sinasadya pa talaga siyang puntahan paea batiin.

I was scanning the whole area when a deep voice suddenly spoke to us. Napabaling nang mabilis ang tingin ko pabalik sa kung sino ang nagmamay-ari no’n.

“Rei?” He said, sounding unsure.

“Beau!” Tili ni Jenny at mabilis na tumayo. Nagulat ako do’n kaya napatayo na rin ako.

Hindi ko agad naproseso ang mga sunod na nangyari kaya napatitig nalang ako sa kanilang dalawa. Jenny went to him and kissed his cheek. Ang kamay naman nung lalaki ay bahagayang napahawak sa baywang ni Jenny upang maalalayan siya.

The man looked at me before pulling his body away from my friend. I gave him a smile which he did too.

“Omg! It’s been years, Beau!” Hindi magkamayaw na sabi ni Jenny.

The man named Beau chuckled. Ang mga mata ay hindi pa rin naaalis sa akin. Nahalata siguro iyon ni Jenny kaya pinakilala niya na rin ako.

“Te, si Beau. Kababata ko! Beau, si Riz, matalik kong kaibigan.” Pagpapakilala niya.

Inalok nung Beau ang kamay niya na akin ring tinanggap.

“Nice to meet you, Riz.”

“Me too,”

Beau chuckled again. The music in the bar suddenly shifted to a more fiery, bass beat song. Gosh! Hindi ko alam ang mararamdaman ko, bigla akong hindi mapakali. I feel like someone is watching me!

“She’s beautiful, Rei. Is she single?” The man named Beau asked, straight to the point.

Napataas ang kilay ko sa kaniya. I couldn’t catch what he said because of how loud the whole bar was.

He is handsome, and that’s a fact. His face is small compared to what a man usually has. He has a slim and pointy nose, long lashes, and very dark black eyes. His body is muscular too. Masasabi mo agad na suki ang lalaki ng gym. Ang tindig niya rin at nakakadagdag sa guwapo niyang mukha.

Tumawa si Jenny at may kung anong sinabi sa lalaki. Kumuha siya ng shotglass at may sinalin siya ro’n at binigay kay Beau.

“I don’t know!” She said playfully. “You ask her yourself, Beau.”

Inilapit ko ang aking sarili sa kanila para marinig ko ng maayos ang kanilang pinaguusapan.

“A-Are you single, Miss Riz?” Tanong ulit ni Beau ngunit sa pagkakataon na ‘to ay direkta na sa akin.

Namilog ang mata ko sa kaniya at pagak na natawa.

“Yes, I’m single.” sagot ko. My eyes smoothly slide from him to the person who suddenly popped up in my eyes.

Sa imahe ng lalaki ang aking nakita sa likod niya. Mabilis na napako ang tingin ko ro’n. My heart beat raised as I confirmed who that man was.

“Well, right… So,”

“Umupo ka muna.” Boses iyon ni Jenny na hindi ko na narinig pa.

Seth in his white button-down shirt, sleeves folded enough for his forearms to show. Naka itim na slacks siya. He was talking to a woman. Nakaupo sila sa counter, medyo may kalayuan sa amin. For a reason, I could feel something tickling inside my stomach, like some animals starting to get wild in there.

Nabaling ang tingin ko sa babaeng kausap niya. Nakalugay ang buhok nito at nakasuot ng pulang dress. Even with the distance between us, I could tell that the woman was pretty, her face was small yet her jaw was sharp. She was all smiles while staring at Seth’s face who was talking beside him. Nakahilig ang babae sa counter at bahagyang nakalapit ang mukha kay Seth dahil na rin sa may kalakasan ang tugtog at ingay dito sa loob.

Biglang nairita ang aking nararamdaman. Na para bang gusto kong pumunta sa kanila at maging alintana sa kanilang pag-uusap.

“Riz?” Tawag sa akin ni Jenny kaya napabalik ang aking tingin sa kaniya.

“Y-Yeah,”

“Anong yeah? Gaga ka, kanina pa kami nakaupo dito samantalang ikaw ay nakatayo diyan na parang baliw.” She said while almost giggling.

My eyes slowly crawled from Seth and the woman to Jenny and Beau who were now sitting on the sofa, looking up at me, puzzled.

I cleared my throat. Ganun na ba ako naging masyadong tutok habang nakatingin sa kanila na hindi ko na pansin man lang na nakaupo na sina Jenny.

Oh gosh! What is happening to me?

I released an awkward laugh. “Ah, s-sorry. May pinanood lang ako.” Pagdadahilan ko habang unti unting umupo ulit.

Jenny’s brow shot up. The way her eyes looked at me was like she caught me doing a forbidden thing. Dinampot niya ang baso niya at sumsim ng alak.

“What are you watching then? Is it the people who were dancing or… You saw someone?” She said suspiciously.

Ramdam ko ang hiya na gumapang sa pisngi ko. I forgot that this girl is sharp, and smart. I should have remembered that I can’t hide things from her!

“Wala ah!”

Mabilis kong dinampot ang baso na may alak at tinungga iyon. Rumagarasgas sa lalamunan ko ang pait no’n kaya bahagya akong naubo.

Beau chuckled.

“Easy, Miss Riz. That was a hard drink!” Naaliw niyang saad.

Napailing ako.

“Let her, Beau. She’s learning, so let her.” Sita ni Jenny, bakas ang pagkamangha sa boses nito.

I threw her a sharp look that made her giggle.

“Jenny, ang papait naman ng mga ‘to. Malalasing ako!”

“Then get drunk! For my pussy’s sake, let’s party! Be the bitch I know for years, not the teacher that you’ve become!”

I frowned. Hindi ako sumama dito para maglasing, sumama ako para bantayan siya!

“Whoa! You’re a teacher?” Beau asked, surprised evidently tinged in his voice.

I shifted on my seat and looked at Beau.

“Yes, I am a teacher.” Sagot ko at pasimpleng sinulyapan ang bahagi kung nasaan sina Seth.

“What level?”

“Secondary,”

Manghang-mangha ang mukha niyang tumitig sa akin at hindi na pinansin pa si Jenny na kanina pa umiidayog sa tabi niya habang nakataas ang kamay at nakapikit. Para na siyang lasing na sumasayaw habang nakaupo.

“Hmmm,” He leaned closer and stared at my face.

“Why?”

“Nothing, I just have this amusement and admiration towards teachers. Lalo na’t kasing ganda mo.”

Natawa ako sa pasaring niya at pasimpleng bumaling ulit kela Seth.

“Nambola kapa.” Ani ko. My brows knitted as I no longer saw Seth and the woman on the counter.

Sa’n na sila nagpunta?

Iginala ko ang aking tingin sa paligid at bahagya na akong napapatayo. I didn’t care for what Beau was saying. What I only care about right now is to find them!

What is he doing here? And with a woman? He said that he wanted to reconnect with me. He wanted to court me! Then what the fuck is he doing here!?

I gritted my teeth as I looked back at the bar counter where I saw them earlier. Shit! Wala na talaga sila!

“Miss Riz?”

I sudden jolt of pain surged within me. Bigla akong kinabahan at nataranta. Paano kung pumunta sila sa kung saan at maghalikan? Paano kung mas higit pa do’n ang gawin nila?

Alam kong hindi maganda ang mag-isip pero sa nararamdaman ko ngayon ay hindi ko na maiwasan. Why? It’s what a normal bachelor was looking for from this kind of place.

Tumayo ako at diretsong naglakad ng kaunti.

“Ate? Sa’n ka pupunta?!” I heard Jenny called me.

“Miss Riz?”

Hindi ko sila nilingon bagkos ay dumiretso na ako sa kung saan maraming nagsasayawan na mga tao. I don’t know where to go anymore! Basta ang una ko lang na gustong gawin ay hanapin sila.

How dare he! Is this how he courts someone whom he told he wants to be his girlfriend? Ganito ba siya sa tuwing wala siya sa paningin ng babaeng nililigawan niya!

Ayokong i-judge silang dalawa, but the sight of them from the counter was enough for me to conclude. The stare, the expression, and… The laughter they shared…

Biglang nairita ang kailaliman ng puso ko. I don’t know what caused this irritation that I was feeling. Pero naiirita ako!

Tangina lang!

I scanned the stage, hoping that I could see them, just at least, dancing. Mapapawi no’n kahit kakaunti ang iritasyon na nararamdaman ko. Na kahit man lang makita kong sumasayaw man lang sila habang sobrang lapit ng katawan nila sa isa’t isa, ay makapapawi sa iritasyon na nararamdamn ko. Basta hindi sila naghahalikan o…

Ngunit nang hindi ko sila nahanap kahit pa sinuong ko na ang dagat ng mga taong nagsasayaw, ganun na lamang ang inis, o galit na nahinog sa loob loob ko nang wala pa rin akong nakitang Seth.

Where the fuck are they? Where did they go!? Don’t fucking tell me that you will fuck her, Seth Adriel Del Prado! I’ll kill you if you do, you fucking liar and a cheater!

Nagngingitngit ang ngipin ko sa galit at walang pasubaling pinaghahawi ang mga taong nakaharang sa daan ko. I don’t even care about their reaction when I push them aside when they are blocking my way. I was like Moises cutting the Red Sea in the middle just to have my path clear.

Pumwesto ako sa dulo kung saan tanaw ko ang second floor ng taas. I scanned the whole second floor from where I’m standing. Nagbabakasali na baka nandun si Seth.

Pero putangina! Nang hindi ko na naman sila namataan do’n ay parang gusto ko na lang magwala!

I don’t know anymore why I am feeling this so much anger within me! It was me who was stopping him from coming back into my life! It was my decision that drove me to build a wall between us!

It was all me who was the villain of our love story!

Kaya bakit ganito na lang ang nararamdaman kong galit dahil sa kaisipan na may ginagawa na sila ngayong milagro matapos na mawala ng kay bilis bilis. This is not me! It is so out of character you dumb bitch!

No, Riz! He said he loves you! He wants to reconnect the love that you both have for each other. So, it was your right to feel this way! He doesn’t have the right to be with someone else just because you are still denying that chance he was asking for.

Wala siyang karapatan na sumama at humanap ng ibang babae!

Muli kong ginala ang aking tingin sa second floor at sa dance floor. When I still didn’t see them there, I marched out of the bar, carrying only my phone.

Sumampal sa akin ang lamig ng gabi, ang ilaw ng mga gusali sa BGC ang sumalubong sa akin. Niyakap ko ang sarili habang luminga linga at hanapin ang dalawa. Nagumpisa na rin akong makaramdam ng hilo ngunit hindi ko na iyong pinansin. Wala na sa aking kung may tama na ako. All I want right now is to find that big dick head of a man and that woman.
Bumaba ako sa sementandong hagdan at dumiretso sa parking lot.

Where the hell is he!?

Pagpasok ko sa parking lot, sa ilalim ng gusaling kinatatayuan ng bar ay patakbo kong sinuyod ‘yon.
Dala dala ko ang sarili at ang samu’t saring emosyon na nararamdaman ko. Galit, iritasyon, inis, kaba at kirot mula sa mga naiisip.

Mas lalong tumitindi ang mga nararamdaman ko sa bawat sulok ng mga kotse na nadadaanan ko nang wala ang mga taong hinahanap ko.

Not until I reached the end of this space. My feet were frozen in place, as I looked at the two people I was looking for–kissing. My eyes heated as I watched the woman’s mouth move and savoured Seth’s lips.

Mabilis siyang tinulak ni Seth.

“Amanda, what are you doing—”

Fuck you!

“Adriel, I-I’m sorry,”

Tila sumabog ang bulkan sa aking kaloob looban dahil sa tindi ng emosyon na nararamdaman ko, siguro dahil din sa tama ng alak sa akin.

“You fucking liar and a cheater!” I shouted as I reached where they were standing.

Hinigit ko ang kwelyo na suot ni Seth at mabilis kong pinalipad ang palad ko sa kaniyang mukha. His head turned in a different direction.

“You cheater!” Sigaw ko, kasunod ang pagbagsak ng luha sa aking mga mata.

Sunod sunod iyon na parang tubig sa gripo na hindi makontrol. I was right! I was fucking right!

“W-Wife—”

“Adriel,”

Pagak akong natawa. Wow! The audacity to call me wife. Cheater!

“Don’t fucking call me that! You liar!”

“Who is she, Adriel?” Tanong ng malandi.

Nakabawi na si Seth mula sa sampal ko at sinubukan anong lapitan. I shook my head before I stepped backwards. My head is spinning right now but I couldn’t care less! Sobrang bigat ng dibdib ko at para akong nalalambot.

“Wife, what are you doing here?” He asked, his voice shaking a bit.

“What am I doing here? Huh?”Sarkastiko kong tanong.

“Wife…” Aniya at sinubukan akong muling lapitan. Namumungay na ang mga mata niya.

“You fucking stop calling me that! I don’t have a husband who is a cheater! I will never fuxking love a man who is a liar!” Sigaw ko sa gitna ng paghahagulgol ko.

Kaya ba ayaw niya akong halikan? Dahil sa may girlfriend na siya? Na dahil sa may iba na siya? Then why did he ask me for a chance then? For what? For revenge?

No!

“Wife, l-let me explain… You’re getting it the wrong way…”

“Adriel, who is she?” The woman asked again.

Marahas na napabaling ang tingin ko sa kaniya na ngayon ay nakatayo ng tuwid at nahihiwagaan kaming tinitignan.

I glared at her.

This bitch! Magtatanong ka pa talaga?

“Shut up, Amanda. Please, you are not helping,” Seth’s voice raised.

Namilog ang mata nung Amanda at natikom ang kaniyang bibig. I continued to glare at her as I watched her stare at Seth.

“Wife, listen to me. L-Let me explain.” Sinubukan ulit humakbang ni Seth papalapit sa akin ngunit pinigilan ko siya gamit ang kamay ko.

Fucking cheater!

“Ha? Listen to you? For what? For a lie, a lie that has always gushing out from your mouth ever since?”

Umiling siya, namumutla na ang mukha at namamasa na ang mga mata.

“No, I promise. No more lies this time. Listen to me, please.” He pleaded like a puppy.

“No!” I chuckled painfully. “Kaya ba? Kaya ba ayaw mong dinggin ang halik ko sayo kanina dahil dito? Dahil mayro’n ka ng iba, huh?”

“No, wife. Hindi gano’n.”

Marahas kong pinunasan ang pisngi kong basa dahil sa luha. Tangina ‘di dapat akong umiiyak dahil sa kaniya! Wala naman kami eh, tangina.

“Eh ano?” I gulped. “Ano ang rason? Punyeta! Ano pa ang ibang rason?”

“Wala, Wife. I want you to accept me first before I shower you with kisses. Before…” Napatigil siya.

“Before what?”

“Adriel, sino siya? Sino ‘tong babaeng ‘to?” at nagsalita kapa talaga!

“My wife, Amanda. Please, shut your mouth just this once,” Sabi niya sa babae, basag ang boses at bakas ang kaba ang takot.

“You heard him, right?” I said sarcastically.

I don’t want to say anything bad to him but with these massive emotions I have and the effect of the alcohol in me, I couldn’t stop myself.

“Y-Your wife?”

“Yes! So you’d better shut your mouth just once, you are the reason why my wife is mad at me!” Pilit niyang binababaan ang boses niya ngunit bumabakas pa rin ang irita ro’n.

He faced me again. I stepped three backward.

“Wife, listen to me. Hmmm. What you see is not what it is. She kissed me—”

“You guys kissed!”

Napapikit siya at napahinga nang malalim na para bang nagtitimpi.

“No! She kissed me, but I didn’t. I  pushed her, you saw that right? I only love you, I only want to kiss you. What you are thinking is not the truth, so please calm down.”

I shook my head. Nakita ko ‘yon, oo, tinulak niya ang babae. Pero siguro dahil naramdaman na niya na nandito ako at nahuli ko sila.

“No! Don’t fucking feed me with lies! I saw you! You kissed! Kaya pala ayaw mo sa halik ko, sa gusto kong mangyari… Kanina… Dahil may iba na.” Sigaw at hindi na napansin pa ang mga salitang binitawan ko.

I want to believe him, yes, there’s a part in my heart that wanted to believe what he was saying. But my mind and these emotions were clouding me. Paano ako maniniwala kung ganito ang naabutan ko!

I want to believe him. I want to listen. But what if he was lying?

“Anong gusto mong mangyari kanina?” Sagot niya na para bang iyon lang ang kaniyang narinig.

Natigilan ako at do’n lang napagtanto ang mga nasabi. Shit! Ganito na ba ako nananabik sa halik niya at nang dahil sa natanggihan lang ay…

“Adriel, let’s go home,” Amanda said.

“No, you go home now, Amanda. I need to deal with my wife.”

“Adriel!” Naiiyak na sigaw ni Amanda nang sagutin siya ni Seth.

“Please! Get out of here, you are just making this situation harder for me!” He said, frustratedly at her. Yamot niya ring ginulo ang buhok habang hinarap ang babae.

Humikbi ang babae at naiiling na umalis do’n. I didn’t look at that Amanda, instead I bit my lower lip as I stared at the man before me. Bumaling ulit ang katawan niya sa akin nang mawala na talaga ang babae.

I heard an engine start and a tire drifting off the space. Hudyat na umalis na ang sasakyan, baka ang sasakyan nung Amanda na ‘yon.

Seth held my gaze, his eyes were red, almost crying. Kumirot ang dibdib ko sa kaba at takot na bumabalatay sa kaniyang pagmumukha. Na kahit ang matinding kaba na nararamdaman ko ay mas lalong lumakas dahil do’n.

“Please, wife. Let’s talk calmly. I’ll explain everything.” He pleaded while closing the distance between us.

Mabilis na humawak ang dalawa niyang kamay sa magkabila kong siko. He then pulled me closer to his body. Mabilis kong naramdaman ang init ng katawan niya sa akin. My neck suddenly feels so hot.

What the heck?!

“A-Ano ba!” I tried to make myself firm. Para lang hindi niya mahalata ang pagiging kabado ko.

“Please, Wife. Mali ang iniisip mo na nagloloko ako sayo, na nagsisinungaling ako. She kissed me, hindi ko napaghandaan ‘yon kaya nabigla ako. I pushed her because I don’t want the kiss, you saw that right?” Mababa at malambing niyang paliwanag.

Napalunok ako dahil sa lapit namin dalawa. Nakatingala rin ako sa kaniya habang sinasalunong ang mapupungay niyang mga mata na nagmamakaawang nakadungaw sa akin.

“Please, don’t reject me yet. It’s all nothing to me, I don’t like her romantically. She was just a business partner. Believe me, wife..” Aniya bago pinatakan ng halik ang aking noo.

Napapikit ako dahil do’n kaya di agad ako nakagot. Parang may mainit na kung ano ang nagpapakalma sa galit at iritasyon na nararamdaman ko. No, Riz! Don’t fall into his trap! He must be lying to you!?

Nang dumilat ako ay sumalubong sa akin ang namumungay at kabado pa rin na kaniyang mata. He held my cheeks and caressed them softly.

“I’m telling the truth, believe me.”He said softly and sweetly, it was almost like a voice that would carry me to the air.

No, please. You bitch! Umangal ka, lumaban ka!

Hindi ko na napigilan pa at namungay na rin akong tumingin sa kaniya.

Dahan-dahan akong tumango.

“I… I believe you.”

Namilog ang mata niya.

“R-Really?”

“Oo nga.”

“Then you will not reject me, hmm?”

I nodded again and felt his hands caressing my cheeks.

“Yes!” He shouted. Napadilat ang mata ko nang nawala bigla ang kamay niyang dinadamdam ko. Nagtatalon siya na parang batang nanalo sa lotto.

“Yes! Fuck!”

“Seth!”

“Oh god! I thought I lost you there! I love you so much, wife.” He said sweetly before hugging me.

I held his chest to make stopped. Napatigil siya at napatingin sa kamay kong nasa dibdib niya. He then slowly raised his eyes to me. Namumula na ang tainga at pisngi. Kinilig?

“But we’re not okay yet! Naniniwala lang ako na wala ng namamagitan sa inyo. Pero hindi pa tayo… Hindi pa tayo ayos.” Ani ko.

“Pero may pag-asa na?”

Ako naman ang pinamulahan ng pisngi kaya mabilis kong iniwas ang aking tingin sa kaniya kasabay nang pagtanggal ko sa aking palad na nasa kaniyang dibdib.

“W-Wala akong sinabi, ha!”

He chuckled manly, his voice was too sexy to my ears, which intensified the heat on my cheeks.

Lumapit siya sa akin at ikinulong ako sa kaniyang dalawang malalaking braso.

“Really? Wala ba? But you said “hindi pa tayo” so there’s a chance, Wife.” He teased, yet his voices were oozing with pride and confidence.

The warmth of his body obliterated all the anger that fueled me inside. I know that I have already made up my mind not to accept him in my life again. That I will not give it a try just like what he said.

I was scared—too scared that what happened to us before would be repeated. Na isa sa dahilan na iyon ay ang pagtatago niya sa akin ng lahat.

That was the only thing that made me so angry with him, that he chose to kept and lie to me rather than trust me. We are in a relationship, and he was my partner. Trust was one of the foundations of a strong relationship that he lacked before. He loves me, dearly—so much. Yet love was not enough to build a strong and undeniable relationship.

Dahil ro’n ay nagpalamon ako sa takot ko. Sa ginawa niyang pagtatago sa akin ng mga bagay. He didn’t cheat, yes, but still he was the traitor of our relationship.

He broke my trust, yes, but seeing and imagining that he is now with someone—someone that is not me made me realize that, after all these years, I am still letting that fear and trauma eat me.

I should have the control of this body, of this life. Not the pain, not the trauma, and also not the fear that will always be there.

Mahal ko siya, at mas lalo kong napagtanto na mahal ko siya.

“Talaga? Paano pag nagsinungaling ka pa rin. Gagawin mo?” I said, while savoring his body as it enveloped me.

I felt his head nod.

“Yes, I’ll do it. Proud and Joy. I’ll die for you, my wife.”

Hinampas ko ng marahan ang kaniyang likod.

“It’s not a good joke!”

“I’m sorry.”

“Hmmm.”

First, he was just behind me because my brother asked for his help. Then he became obsessed with me to the point that he started to steal my things. And that obsession led him to me, and my curiosity led me to him.

He lied, yes, but I know that people sometimes choose to lie for a better good. But still, that was a bad choice. And for that, I forgive him. Heck, I already forgave him when I rejected him in Nanay’s wake.

“Pinapayagan mo na ba ako?”

My brows knitted.

“Huh? Saan?”

“Na mahalin ka ulit?”

Kumalas ako sa yakap ngunit humigpit lamang iyon. Hindi nakakasakal at sinisiguradong hindi ako masasaktan.

“Hoy! Di pa nga ako umo-oo sa panliligaw na gusto mo.” Ani ko.

His body shakes—he’s laughing.

“But… You said earlier that you don’t have a husband who is a cheater. Eh hindi naman ako cheater,”

Kumunot ang noo ko ngunit unti unti rin sumilay ang ngiti sa labi ko. Gosh! This man, really.

“Wala naman akong sinabi na ikaw eh, I did not say that it was you,”

“But I was the one you were pertaining to as a cheater,”

“Sabi mo di ka cheater,” Ani ko. Unti unti niya rin naman na kinalas ang pagkakayakap sa akin. Mabilis ko rin naman naaninag ang mukha niyang wala ng bakas ng takot at kaba. Maaliwalas na ulit ang kaniyang mukha.

Wow, galing!

“Hindi nga,”

“So, hindi nga ikaw ‘yon.”

“Ako nga ‘yon.”

Tumawa ako.

“Eh hindi ka nga cheater, ikaw na ang nagsabi.”

“Okay, enough of this. Baka magalit kapa, basta narinig ko na mahal mo ako.” Sambit niya at mabilis na hinalikan ang aking pisngi.

Kumunot ang noo ko habang may ngiti pa rin sa labi.

“Huh? Kailan ko rin sinabi ‘yan?”

“Kanina,” Saad niya at mabilis na pinagsiklop ang aming kamay. He then pulled me towards the black car.

“Wala akong sinabi!”

“Yes, you did.”

“Wala nga!” Ngumuso na ‘ko. Gosh! Bakit feel ko maiirita na naman ako. Sobrang pukihan naman ang ganap ko.

Seth open the door of the passenger seat. He held my gaze and chuckled.

“You really did, wife. Unintentionally. Now get in, I’ll drive you home.”

Hhhhhhhh

Excerpt 1

Hi! This is an excerpt that will unfold Seth’s point of view throughout the story. The excerpt will have two parts before we jump to the epilogue, where we can witness how they explore a second chance at their relationship. There’s a saying that love is sweeter the second time around—and maybe that’s exactly what they’ll do in the epilogue.

Also, the second part of this excerpt has no specific release date; it might be published as a surprise…

Anyway, thank you so much to everyone who has been reading my story and patiently waiting for this chapter to be released. I hope you’ll continue supporting me and my stories, because I still have many more tales to share—stories that are very close to my heart.

Excerpt 1

Seth Adriel’s POV

Never have I imagined that I would fall for someone who is naturally born… Male. I never thought that I would love someone wrong in the eyes of many.

Umpisa palang wala akong balak na magkaroon pa ng feelings sa iba, lalo pa’t magkaroon ng relasyon. I promised my late girlfriend that I would only love her… Only her.

But maybe promises are made to be broken. Because what do you mean that the moment I laid my eyes on her… My heart fell automatically. It was like a long-lost half of my heart being found again after so long.

“Bro, I think I really need your help right now.” Saad ni Crist, isang gabi nang magkita kami sa madalas naming tambayan ng bar.

I sipped on my drink while eyeing a woman dancing on the floor, her waist was erotically waving, matching the theme of the song.

“And what for?” I asked nonchalantly.

I heard him sigh. Not the kind of sigh that only lasts for a brief moment, it was like a long, deep, and meaningful sigh. Something that he has borne for so long.

“Till now, our investigator still doesn’t have any clues about my long-lost baby bro. My father is gone now, but this burden is mine to bear. I can’t let my mother carry this as she is already mourning about my little bro.”

Mula ro’n napadako ang mata ko sa kaniya. His face reveals the weight of the burdens he was carrying. Damian Crist is my friend, one of the best. He’s been with me since we were in college. Siya lang rin ang kalaban ko palagi sa mga spot bilang top ng klase. He’s smart, wise, and clever.

And I knew him for being a fighter, a person who didn’t need help from me. But seeing his face was different and somehow… Exciting.

“What help do you need?”

His face immediately lit up the moment he heard me. He shifted on his seat as he licked his lips.

“Bro, I badly need the best of your family’s investigators.” He said it directly to the point.

I smirked as I grabbed another shot.

Aside from a construction firm, my family also owned a Private Security and Investigation Services Company. My father and my Uncle, Tito Syrius, founded it.

“You know that it’s not for free, right?”

The side of his lips raised.

“Yup, I know. So, will you give me a hand?”

I nodded.

“What’s the payment then?”

I leaned closer, resting both of my elbows on my legs. Honestly, I don’t know what I want to get from this fucker. It was only the excitement that came from helping him. To find his long-lost little brother.

“I’ll tell you about it when I want it,” I said.

The smile slowly formed on his lips as relief washed over his face.

“Deal,”

And from that day, I assigned one of the best investigators from our firm to help that asshole. Wala talaga akong pakialam sa lahat ng mga kailangan nilang makuha o malaman. Lalo pa ang tungkol sa nawawala niyang kapatid.

Hindi ko rin talaga alam kung bakit itong excitement na nararamdaman ko ang mabilis na nagpa-oo sakin para tulungan siya. Ever since we were in college, we have never offered or given help to each other—o kahit pa sa ibang mga kaibigan namin. Because for us, we are men who should know how to become strong, and stand on everything we are facing.

Na para sa amin hindi puwedeng maging mahina at basta basta kukuha ng tulong dahil sa nahihirapan at hindi namin kayang gawin ang kinakaharap.

Kaya malaking katanungan din sa akin ang lahat ng pangyayari na ‘yon sa bar.

But when the excitement that I have starts to grow, it is then the time I put myself on the scene. Simula nang makita ko ang files na galing sa report ng investigators ko tungkol sa nawawala niyang kapatid, hindi na ako nagkaroon pa nang pahinga.

“What’s this?” I asked Ferd, one of the best undercover investigators in our company.

He dropped a brown folder labeled “Project X.”

“A report, Sir. From the case of the Del Fuegos.” He said shortly.

My eyes raised to him from the screen of my laptop. Gumagawa kasi ako ng initial report for our VIP’s. As COO, I know that this is not part of my work… Or maybe it is. But the thing is, I love making reports, doing analytical arrangements, or deep analysis from business work to personal gain.

“And why would you give me this? You know that Damian ordered you to give that to him directly.”

He fixed the glasses that he’s wearing.

“Yes, Sir. But I also know that you should see it first.”

My forehead knitted. What?

“Why do you think so?”

“It just, Sir.” He shrugged.

Hindi ko alam na iyon ang magiging simula ng lahat. The root of my feelings, my emotions that will be deepened over time. And, it really happened when I saw her face in the pictures attached to the files.

Maputi, nangungusap at malalambing na mata, ang mapupulang labi ay bahagyang nakangiti at ang bilugan niyang mukha ay maamong nakatingin sa kung saan.

I remember how my face turned sour and how I looked at Ferd with my questioning look. Babae ba ‘to o lalaki?

“Why, Sir?” Ferd asked.

I sighed.

“I thought Damian was looking for his long-lost baby bro?” I finally voice out.

Ferd chuckled, which made my brows knit and meet in the middle. I didn’t know much that time that would be the start of my undying love for her. That I would have this much love for a person… Especially with a special person.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang uunahin kong intindihin no’n nang una kong makita siya sa harap ng unibersidad na pagmamay-ari ng pamilya ko. Standing in the very front of the gate, wearing a white top, partnered with buggy high-waisted pants. Her presence already screams beauty. She was looking at the view of the whole campus. Ang mahabang buhok ay malayang nakalaylay at mapayapang hinahangin.

From that moment, I felt an unfamiliar warmth within me. It was as if telling me that her presence was already known but just forgotten.

“Riz…” I uttered in a low voice.

My heart starts to pound in an alienated beat. My chest became heavy as I could feel my face burn. Napaawang ang labi ko habang mataman kong pinagmamasdan ang mukha niya.

“Boss, ano pong problema?” Tanong ni Jan, ang pinakamatagal kong body guard.

I blinked twice before I shifted in my seat. Nasa loob kami ng sasakyan ko at patungo na sana papuntang opisina ko sa munisipyo. Hindi ko alam na napansin niya na l pala ako ng mga tauhan ko lalo na si Jan na tumagal na pala ang titig ko sa kaniya.

The car was parked meters away from them, but it was enough for me to watch and scrutinize their view.

“Wala…” Ang tanging sagot ko bago ko ibinalik ang tingin sa kung saan sila nakatayo.

My eyes circled when they were no longer there. Napalinga ako sa paligid mula dito sa loob ng sasakyan at sinusubukan hanapin kung nasan sila napunta ngunit bigo akong napa-ayos ng upo.

I wanted to go out and find them. My inside wanted to push me out of the damn car just to roam around and find wherever they were going. And from that moment, I knew that it was not normal, and it was something that I should be aware of.

“Maganda ba, Boss? Sa tingin ko ay bago at may balak siyang mag-enroll sa university niyo.” May panunuyang saad ni Jan.

I threw a sharp glance at him that made him shut his mouth. Hindi na niya kailangan pang isaboses iyon. I know that she’s beautiful, I am very much aware of that. Pero hindi ko malaman kung ba’t naiirita ako na napansin niya iyon. I suddenly want to grip his neck till it turns violet, or punch his face till it becomes unrecognizable. It was very barbaric and animalistic of me to think that way, but this damn body and mind wanted to do it to him badly.

My jaw clenched.

Shut up!

“Let’s go, I have a meeting with the board member.”

Pinaandar naman niya agad ang sasakyan. I threw a following glance at where she was standing earlier. Having a feeling of longing, which made me finally question myself.

Who the fuck is she to make me feel this way?

“The remaining projects that were left by the previous Mayor will be continued, and I will hire a very respectable and very hands-on person to handle that project,” I said in front of the board.

They watched and listened to me attentively—thinking that they could change how pathetic and useless they are. Fucking corrupt and heartless people!

After that day, I tried desperately to purge her from my system. I wanted to forget her, to rip her out of my memories entirely. I threw myself into managing the projects at hand, the ones underway, and the ones yet to come—but nothing could drown her from my mind. She consumed me. The attraction was impossible, insane even, and it kept me awake for nights on end, restless, obsessed, haunted by the image of her.

“How about the budget that will be used in the said project, Mayor?” The Vice Mayor asked.

“We’ll have enough budget for that, so no need for you to think about it. Focus on your work and do it properly.” I said, slightly getting unprofessional.

“But did we receive a budget from the DBM?”

This motherfucker is really trying to push it, huh?

“Why are you asking? May mga sobrang pondo mula sa mga natapos proyekto ang puwedeng gamitin dito. That’s why I’m here to personally tell you about this.”

Natahimik siya at itinuon ang mga mata sa lamesa.

I smirked.

“This budget could be used to give back what our people deserve. To provide better service, and build more infrastructure that could help them with their lives… that could provide them more chances of work, income.” I said confidently.

Napatuwid ng upo ang mga kapartido ko habang ang walang kwentang Vice Mayor ay nakayuko pa rin at halatang hindi sang ayon sa aking siniwalat.

“Everything will be recorded, no less, no more. I have also checked some projects for loopholes and anomalies. The previous term before me wasn’t clean, and it was sickening that it was from my family. To give back what people deserve, I will clean everything that could poison this town.”

I know that saying that was simply announcing the war between me and the other elected officials who were against my rule. Lalo na ang Vice Mayor na ito!

But fuck them!

And fuck him!

Vice Mayor.  Elikarte John Mauhibito.

Ang corrupt na Vice Mayor na nasa ilalim ng pamumuno ko. Everything he did was just so dirty to the term I was serving. He was under me, yet he thinks he’s ahead of me because of his uncle, who is a Senator. Ahead of everyone on the board. That he has the power that progress ahead of us that which makes him unquestionable about his actions and under-the-table transactions.

He really thinks that all of his dirty secrets will not be under my nose. Na ang mga palihim niyang pagnanakaw sa mga pondo ng proyektong siya mismo ang naglalatag at nagpapa aproba ay makakatakas sa akin. I may be just a Mayor, but my power will not be limited… I have men who were working under me to investigate and clean this dirty system.

And he was one of my hit list!

I was just waiting for the right time to break all of it out. I am still lacking evidence, and I know that his actions were just the tiniest of the biggest ones. Alam kong kasabwat niya ay malalaking tao…

Lalo na sa mga drogang pasikreto niyang inaangkat sa bayan na ‘to.

It’s been my fourth term as a Mayor, yet I wasn’t able to clean the system that was rooted long before me. The dirty and nasty system.

And from where I was, it is really not the big one… Sobrang liit pa nito kumpara sa malalaking dumi sa bansa natin.

I gritted my teeth as I looked at their faces. Hindi ko alam kung ang problema ba talaga sa sistema ay ang mga nauupo o nalululong sa pwesto o ang mga taong wala nang ibang ginawa kundi hayaan na mauto ang sarili gamit ang mga salita at pangalan na dinadala ng mga tumatakbo.

I am not clean… The surname I bear isn’t clean at all. I come from a political dynasty, a family steeped in politics. My great-great-great-grandfather was the first to step into the world of power and influence. Nasundan lang ng mga anak at mga apo. All of them served well and honorably throughout their terms. They never allowed anyone to poison the town they served—anyone driven solely by greed for power and money.

And that became the reason why my predecessors were ousted from their positions. Some of the people we serve don’t want clean and honest governance—they want lies and sweet words that feed their satisfaction. To them, honesty and truth are blinding, but in reality, it awakens them to the realities that unfold under the leadership they themselves placed in power.

But not all the people who came from our family were clean, dahil may isang naupo sa pwesto na naging corrupt at naging kabilang sa mga gusot at lason sa lipunan at sa bansa. At siya ang naging dahilan kung bakit naisipan tumakbo at kalabanin sa pwesto ang walang kwenta kong tiyuhin.

Ang tatay nila Damian at ni…

Riz.

“What’s the update about her, Ferd?” Tanong ko habang binubusisi ang mga reklamo at mga sulat sa akin ng mga mamayanan. Kanina pa ako nagbabasa ng mga hinanaing ng mga taong sinasakupan ko.

“Sir, I already found where she grew up. Also, the place where she’s staying.”

Biglang nabuhayan ang loob ko sa hindi ko malaman na dahilan. The headache and stress that I was feeling were now gone like a bubble popping into thin air. Na kahit sumasakit ang ulo ko sa kakabasa sa mga reklamo ng bayan tungkol sa ginagawang katarantaduhan ng Vice Mayor ay parang nabaliwala na iyon ngayon…

At dahil lang sa narinig ko ang balitang ito.

Ano na, Seth? You swore to your late girlfriend, right? What happened now?

This feeling you are slowly having from that… The woman is slowly eating you and making you crazy! Fuck!

At kahit anong pilit kong unawain ang nagiging reaksyon ng katawan ko sa bawat bigkas at rinig ng pangalan niya ay hindi ko pa rin magawa. The comfort and the warmth that it was giving to me was like a forbidden drug taking effect—at hindi ko na ikinatutawa iyon.

“Really? Send it to my private email. Now.”

“Yes, Sir—”

“And don’t report it yet to Crist, at least not this one.”

“Y-Yes, Sir.”

“Also, have a background check on her foster parents. They seem suspicious to me…” I ordered firmly.

I shouldn’t have gotten myself involved with her case because basically, she doesn’t know me or my existence, and I don’t know her. She’s no one to me… That’s what it should be but these fucking unfamiliar warmth and comfort this case gives to me was making me drunk on my curiosity. There’s really something with her… Perhaps she’s a witch… And she cursed me.

But no! Those aren’t real. And it was all me who was getting addicted to everything about this case.

The days turned into months… and with each passing moment, the feelings and curiosity I had for her grew like a relentless plant. It was a comfort and yet an unfamiliar sensation every time I looked into her face.

Na kahit ang pagsasabi ng mga tungkol sa kaniya at balita sa kay Damian ay hindi ko na magawa.I suddenly wanted to keep her close, to have her within my reach. It felt taboo, yet deeply satisfying. Even her personal information, her credentials, everything about her—it felt forbidden to share with anyone, not even her own brother.

At kahit anong gawin ko ay hindi ko rin magawang makaramdam ng konsensya.

“Any news about her whereabouts, Seth?” Damian asked. Nasa isang an intimate party kami ng isa sa mga anak ng congressman.

I didn’t answer and continued to sip on the glass of wine. In my peripheral view, I could see his jaw clenched… But I don’t care.

Your sister is mine.

“I thought your men were the best in the country when it comes to finding missing people! What happened now?” Mahinahon ngunit ramdam ko ang pagtitimpi niya.

Kung sa ibang pagkakataon ay baka nasuntok ko na siya dahil sa pagkukwestyon niya sa kakayahan ng aking mga tauhan pero dahil alam kong kasalanan ko rin kung bakit ganito ang nagiging reaksyon niya ay wala akong magawa. I couldn’t do anything but watch him get angry at the services that our company provides to him.

I smirked. My wife will not like the news of my punching her brother’s face.

My ears and nape suddenly felt so warm.

My wife…

Fuck! It was so satisfying to think and say… That title suits her. Her alone.

“My men were directly passing the information to our client. I don’t have any news about it since it is not part of my work. Why didn’t you ask Ferd about it? He has all the information about your… Missing… Brother.” Fuck! Make it so natural and convincing, you fucker!

Now, even calling her that felt completely wrong. Biologically, she is a he—but to me, and for her, she is a she. A woman in soul, in spirit, and by nature. No matter what, what lies between her legs could never define who she truly is. No one could ever change that—not her, and not me.

That’s ever since I got to know about her sexuality, it gives me other things to know, to learn, to get myself familiar with. Na bawat gabing nakatulala lang ako sa aking lamesa ay makikita ko nalang ang sarili kong nagbabasa ng kung ano anong article na konektado sa kung ano ang itinatawag at kinikilala niya sa sarili.

Na noon na wala naman sa akin ang mga bagay na ‘yon ay ngayon ay isa na sa mga impormasyon na kung hindi ako magkakaroon ng kaalaman ay parang ikakasira ko iyon.

From LGBTQIA+ SOGIESC: GENDER, SEXUALITY, AND HUMAN RIGHTS.

From that very well-known article down to the most unreadable one, I had to take all the time to read all of them just to further understand her. Hindi ko alam na sa mga bagay na ganun ay magkakaroon ako ng kapayapaan habang nagbabasa patungkol sa mga karapatan, at sa mga bagay na ipanaglalaban nila…

Niya.

For someone like her, their rights, their fight for equality, and the longing to be truly understood weren’t just important—they were everything, the very axis around which their world turned.

Damian didn’t say anything back. He just shook his head disappointedly before drinking a full glass of wine—still, I care not.

Palala nang palala ang mga nagiging epekto niya sa sistema ko kahit pa ang pagiging wala ni isang interaksyon sa pagitan namin ay hindi ko magawa. The feelings and emotions I was carrying just for her continued to grow and become bigger.

Na ang mga nararamdaman ko sa taong hindi ko pa naman nakakausap ay nagsimula nang lumaki nang lumaki hanggang sa maramdaman ko na na hindi na iyon tama… Pero gustong gusto ko at parang sarap na sarap ako.

I have begun to be obsessed with her…

With her face, with her smile, her sweet and angelic eye, her demonic and devilish attitude. Everything about her… The woman I thought I couldn’t be more interested in.

Damerese Sullivan Del Fuego…

Or

My Jan Aldriz Borja… My wife.

The woman I wanted to keep in my pocket… The woman I wanted to be tied to my bed as I watched her sleep. The woman that I knew was despised by many but loved by me… I have so much love for her… I can’t even contain it anymore, to the point that I wanted to go to her and kiss her deeply and intimately.

Or maybe it was not just love, that maybe it is beyond or out of the concept of love.

Pero hindi ko maatim na magawa iyon… Na sa bawat pagtindi ng nararamdaman ko sa kaniya ay nagagawa kong pigilan ang sarili kong gawin lahat iyon. Na nagagawa kong makuntento na panoorin siya mula sa malayo at maghintay na ang landas na mismo namin ang magdala sa isa’t isa.

Pero kahit anong pilit kong pigilan ang sarili ko na mabaliw at tuluyan nang mahulog sa pagkakahumaling ko sakaniya ay may mangyayari at mangyayari na magiging dahilan ng pagpitas ng pasensya kong huwag siyant kunin at gumawa ng paraan para tuluyan ng magkita ang aming kapalaran.

“Who is that fucking man behind her?” I asked in gritted teeth as I watched them laugh.

Napabaling sa akin si Jan at tila nag-iisip kung anong isasagot sa akin. It was one of my stalking stages for her, and we are now watching them laughing while eating street food… Fishball.

“Uh… Sir, kaibigan po ni Ma’am.” He answered, though, and an unsureness in his voice was evident.

Ramdam ko ang pag-init ng batok ko kasabay ng pagkuyom ng kamay ko.

Calm the fuck down, Adriel. She doesn’t want a man who’s acting like an animal. He is just a friend…

But fuck! I can’t stomach watching him envelop his fucking arms around her shoulders. I forbid it to happen… Hindi ko na nga masikmura na tumatawa siya ng hindi ako ang dahilan tapos… Makikita ko pang may aakbay sa kaniyang iba… Na hindi ako.

I want it to be me…

I want it to be exclusively me… Only me.

But what can I do if she doesn’t even know me… Heck, she didn’t even know that I existed!

Nasaan ang karapatan ko? Nasaan ang kapangyarihan kong gawin iyon?

The man who was obsessed and in love with her and her existence.

For the next two years was hell for me… I literally became her stalker… Kung dati ay nagagawa kong manatili sa opisina ko at makuntento na lamang sa mga balitang bininigay ng mga tauhan ko ngayon hindi ko na magawa. I followed wherever she went. In the shadow, I lingered in her like a predator watching his prey for the right time to attack. I wanted to be around her as much as I could. Through that way, I was able to replenish this thirst of obsession that I was boiling to feel towards her. Na hindi ko alam na sa bawat pagdaan ng araw ay lalalim ng husto at dadating ang araw na hindi ko na ito mapipigilan.

I started to collect some of her things, na inuutusan ko ang kung sino sino para lang makuha ko ang mga gamit niya. Ang suklay na gamit niya, ang damit niya, at kung ano ano pa. Na wala na akong pakialam kung nagiging taliwas na iyon sa sarili kong paniniwala.

I paid someone close to or even associated with her family just to make it happen. Dahil hindi ko kayang humaharap sa kaniya at gawin iyon ng ako lang. I can’t even just barge into their house to get those things.

And…

I even dedicated one of my rooms in my penthouse here in Makati for her; all of her things I collected were stashed there. Maayos at maganda ko iyong dinisplay.

It’s such a relief and contentment when it was perfectly displayed there as if it were a relic or an ancient artifact in a museum. Alam kong hindi iyon maganda at hindi normal sa isang tao ngunit anong magagawa ko? Ganito kalakas ang nararandaman ko para sa kanya?

Dumating na rin ako sa puntong kahit ang rason ng pagkakawalay niya sa pamilya niya ay pinaimbestigahan ko na rin. I even order Ferd and his partners to get every cctv footage that was connected to her case. At dahil magagaling ang mga tauhan ko ay matagumpay nila iyong nagawa.

I had already planned everything—how I would introduce myself to her, how I would slowly slip into her life. But every time I saw her with that damn friend of hers, my mind went haywire. I don’t know why, but whenever I saw them so close to each other, I felt this overwhelming urge to step in and come between them.

“G-good afternoon, po, Mayor.” She greeted me, her voice was unsteady.

It was the day I planned to meet her quietly, to gently introduce myself into her life. I used my position to implement educational support for the students of our municipality, crafting a scheme that would bring her into my world. Slowly, I began weaving myself into the picture of her life.

Pakiramdam ko kasi na kung papatagalin ko ang pagmamasid at panonood sa kaniya ay ikakamatay ko.

She looked at me wearily before scanning my whole office secretly.

“Magandang tanghali rin. Maupo ka.” I greeted her back. I wanted to glance at her, but I kept my eyes staring at the paper I was holding—her application paper.

From my peripheral view, I could see her move sophisticatedly and please herself on the chair in front of my desk.

“So, your name is?”

“Uh…My name is Jan Aldriz Borja, but you can just call me Jan,” She stammered.

Oh, baby, why are you so nervous? It is just your husband taking action to redeem you… Without your paper, you could easily have everything you wanted and needed. I openly arm will give my riches to you.

“How old are you again?” I even asked steadfastly again, even though it was already on the paper I was holding.

It was just a leeway for me to strike my chances. The advances I planned for us.

Her eyes shifted to mine, and for a moment, the world fell away. She was ethereal—a maiden cast from heaven, an angel entrusted by God Himself, meant only for me. In that instant, all restraint within me shattered. Whether it was love or obsession mattered no longer; all I knew was that she had to feel the truth of my heart, the fire of the feelings I carried for her.

I bit my cheeks to keep everything inside of me. I wanted to dash towards her and cage him within my arms, but I stopped myself from doing so. I tried to wear the Mayor facade and proceeded to the so-called background interview.

I knew so well how uncomfortable she was, but how could I stop myself from bringing out the beast in me when she’s this beautiful? In her common civilian outfit with her hair loosely.

Kitang kita ko ang pagkunot ng noo niya dahil sa mga tanong na aking binabato. I know that it was too obvious for her dahil likas sa kaalaman kong matalino siya at alam niyang sa iba na patungo ito. Kaya nang tinanong ko siya kung single ba siya ay mabilis na bumalatay ang iritasyon sa kaniyang mukha ngunit mabilis lang rin na napalitan ng takot nang tumayo na ako at pumunta sa kaniya upang ikulong siya sa aking dalawang kamay.

“A-Ano pong ginagawa niyo?” She asked nervously, her eyes were round.

I tilted my head as I crouched to level my face to her.

“You heard me, baby. You are mine and mine alone. No one has the right to court or even make you their girlfriend, you are already bestowed to me… My Wife.” I said in my husky voice. She just stared at me with her eyes wide.

My eyes shifted on her lips, I swear to god how I restrain myself not to bend down and kiss her tormentedly. Alam ko gulat na gulat siya sa mga sinabi ko at alam ko rin na naiinis siya sa akin dahil do’n. And I don’t want to push her to her limit and make her very mad at me.

“M-Mayor,” She uttered under her breath.

Mas inilapit ko sa kaniya ang mukha ko, sakto lang para maramdaman niya ang aking hininga na tumama sa kaniyang mukha. I could even smell her, mixed of her natural body smell and her perfume. Nalalasing na ako sa kaniyang amoy.

Namunungay ko siyang tinitigan.

Oh god! Now, I want to know what her perfume is.

“A-Ano po ba itong ginagawa niyo!” She said before pushing me away using her two cute hands.

Fuck!

Dahil sa pagkakalasing sa lapit namin dalawa ay nagawa niya akong matulak. She then fixed her poise and looked at me sharply. Her brows are now knitted as the blaze of irritation is dancing in her eyes.

Gulat man ngunit nakabawi rin ako kaagad. I stared at her beautiful face attentively. Na para bang hindi ko kakayanin na hindi ko siya mabantayan gamit ang aking mga mata.

“Mawalang galang na ho, pero interview po tungkol sa educational assistance ang pinunta ko dito… Hindi ang makarinig ng kabaliwan na lalabas sa bunganga niyo!” She fired at me, though there’s still a restraint in her voice but the irritation, no, the anger in her voice was still sipping out.

I gulped. I could feel the excitement gushing through my veins as I heard her say those words in her angry voice. Napaawang ang labi kong napatingin lang sa kaniya, nalalasing pa rin dahil sa kaniyang kagandahan.

She tugged the loose strands of her hair behind her ears before rolling her eyes at me.

“Ngayun kung ganito at babastusin niyo lang po ako bilang tao ay mas maganda nang hindi po ako kumuha no’n.” She added.

Dahil sa narinig kong sinabi niya ay namilog ako. Fear suddenly flickered within me, and A realization struck me. Oh no! Fuck! She’s angry! My Wife was now angry because of me!

I wanted to pull her and envelop him within my arms, to say sorry about everything, but the fear made me weak, and I just froze in place. Kaya nang nagmartsa siya palabas ng opisina ko ay wala na akong nagawa. Nanatiling tulala at takot na takot.

Never in my entire life have I felt this fear that made me freeze like a damn hot dog in a fridge. Ang galit at iritasyon na aking nakita sa kaniyang mga mata ay bumagabag sa akin ng ilang araw. Iniisip kung paano ko siya susuyuin. I wanted to punish myself for what I’ve done.

My world was starting to crumble when we met the next day after that. She was indeed angry at me. That way, she looked at me as if I were the most irritating living thing that was alive. That in every moment we shared—in her work, in the school ground, and even in her apartment was just so fucking poison to my core.

Ang mga titig niyang matatalim, mga tingin na iritang irita sa akin at ang mga palihim niyang pagkumento na akala niya ay hindi ko naririnig.

I need to woo her… I fucking need to wash that hate all over her… I can’t stomach seeing her being disgusted by my fucking presence every chance I could show myself to her.

Kaya naman kahit hindi ako mahilig magluto ay wala akong nagawa kundi magpaturo sa kasambahay namin. I wanted to learn to cook for her, to cook the foods I knew she deserve.

“Seryosong seryoso, Kuya, ah? Para kanino ‘yan?” May panunuyang tanong ng kapatid kong si Sylas nang makapasok sa kusina namin.

I didn’t shoot him a glance and just continued with the cooking. Rinig ko ang yapak niyang papalakad sa kung nasaan ako.  I suddenly want to cover the food that I was cooking because I felt like he would try to eat it.

And sure enough, my fucking brother was now standing beside me while holding a fork in his hand and was now trying to ditch it. Mabilis kong dinakot ang kaniyang kamay at masama siyang tiningnan.

His eyes were rounded, shocked by what I did.

“You fucking stay away with my fucking adobo, Sylas!” I warned him, a menace was blended with my voice.

Slowly, a smirk formed on his lips. Her eyes were now clouded by amusement.

“So, it’s fucking true, huh? My big brother is now in love. Who is the unlucky girl?” He said tauntingly.

Padarag kong binitawan ang kaniyang kamay nang hindi siya sinasagot. Out of all the people here in our house, Sylas was the one who knew my past… The only person aside from Damian who knew me so well.

Sylas witnessed the changes in me after my late girlfriend was murdered by those bastards—those same people who swore to protect us, their own people.

“Is it Maurice? I thought you loathed her? What happened now, Kuya? ”

“Shut up. She’s not the one.”

I heard him ‘tsk’ playfully before he went to my other side, where the green lunchbox was. I side-eyed him—waiting for his next move. Try to fucking eat a bit of my Wife’s lunch, I’ll fucking rip your throat!

“So, who is she, Kuya? Alam ba ito nina Mommy at Daddy?” He asked, voice laced with worry.

I  heaved a deep sigh and shook my head.

“No,”

“Kuya, hindi sa pangingialam pero alam mo na may baliw na baliw sayong babae at kung malaman niya na may girlfriend kana… Alam mo na kaya niyang ulitin,” He trailed off the last part.

Yeah? Now, try me and do something to her. I’ll fucking wage war between our family. Kung nagawa niya iyon sa bestfriend niya at nakawala siya nang walang pinagbayaran, ngayon makakatakas pa rin siya pero sa impyerno na ang diretso niya.

I’ll fucking bury a bullet in his head without a second thought.

I put down the utensils that I was holding; it was the kind of silence that would make a sound of warning.

I shifted my body, facing my brother. His eyes are looking at me seriously—no longer playful as I was earlier.

“Sylas, you don’t need to worry about her. No one can lay a single hand on her… Even that bitch!” I said, full of myself.

His brows met as his eyes scanned my expression. He then heaved a deep sigh before pulling his eyes away from me.

“I know, Kuya. I just… I just don’t want to see you so miserable for the same reason… I can help… I will.”

I nodded my head, accepting his point. Alam kong nagaalala lang siya na baka bumalik ako sa pinagdaanan ko no’n. At alam ko na nasasaktan din siya nang makita akong lugmok at durog na durog noong mga panahon na pinatay nila si…

I was on the edge of losing myself, desperate to give her the justice she deserved. She was gone because I chose to love her and not Maurice. I wanted to be with her—to take responsibility for everything that started it all. But Sylas stopped me; he was there, watching over me, keeping me from falling apart.

Hindi niya ako pinabayaan, sila nina Mommy at Daddy. They took care of me—they used all the patience that the world could offer just to be able to look out for me.

At doon palang ay nagpapasalamat na ako. Dahil kung hindi nil iyong ginawa, na kung hindi nila ako inalagaan ay wala na akong ngayon at hindi ko na masisilayan ang taong gusto kong makasama bumuo ng pamilya.

I could feel my soul leaving my body when I couldn’t stop myself from kissing her. I know that it is one of my mistakes, and a wrong move, as she might feel attacked and assaulted. Her lips were a taste of heaven, a cloud brushing through my face.

Hindi ko napigilan ang sarili kong angkinin ang labi niya dahil lang sa selos naramdaman ko nang maabutan ko silang nagkakatuwaan at masayang pinagsasaluhan ang pinadala kong pagkain para sa kaniya.

The way she smiled at my bodyguard especially Jan wasn’t in my cup of tea. Hindi ko inaasahan ‘yon dahil alam kong malaki ang takot sa akin ng mga tauhan na pinamumunuan ko.

It was the first time I felt this so much jealousy in me. At hindi ko aakalain na masusundan pa siya nang napagpasyahab kong surpresahin siya sa unit niya.

“What are you doing here, Maurice?” I gritted my teeth as I couldn’t stomach her presence being here in my office.

The fucking witch was trying to get under my pants again. I know she loves me, alam na alam ko iyon. She’s fucking obsessed withe me, kaya nga niya nagawang patayin ang kaniyang sariling Bestfriend… Ang unang babaeng minahal ko. Ang unang babaeng nagustuhan ko.

She walked towards my table and rested her hands. She then leaned forward—almost crouching. Gusto kong itulak ang mukha niya, gusto kong kaladkarin siya palabas ng opisina ko. Because no other woman was allowed to be in here except my Wife.

“Isn’t it obvious? I missed you, that’s why I’m here! Don’t you miss me, Seth?” The bitch asked in a sultry tone.

Maurice thought that we really had a connection, that we really did the deeds every time she wanted me. But little did she know that every time I made her fall asleep, I called and paid someone to take my place, and that man was the one who would sleep with her. Hindi niya alam na iba’t ibang lalaki ang tumitira sa kaniya pag napapatulog ko na siya. I made sure that every time we agreed to do that, I made her fall deep asleep. Akala niya talaga ay hindi ko malalaman na siya at ang Tatay niyang tanqa tanqang may katungkulan sa senado ang may pakana kung bakit nawala si Anna. Everything goes according to my plan.

Kaya nga heto ang pokpok na ‘to’t baliw na baliw sa akin. Na kahit mag-iisang taon ko na siyang iniiwasan at tinatanggihan sa gusto niya ay hindi ko magawa.

“Maurice, I’m busy. I have a lot of things to handle. Alam kong naiintindihan mo iyon, diba?” I said, trying to make an excuse.

She tilted her head to the side and raised a brow at me. I know that this bitch was smart and eventually realized that I was just making a way out of her. Pero alam ko rin naman na wala siyang magagawang iba kundi ang sumunod at mauto sa mga palusot ko dahil nga sa baliw na baliw siya sa akin. A fucking obsessed filthy bitch!

“Are you really that busy? Or are you just making an excuse so that we will not have that moment again?”

From the screen of my laptop, I raised my eyes at her and looked at her intently.

“I am really busy, Maurice. Isa pa wala ka bang naging boyfriend sa mga panahon na wala nang nagaganap sa ating dalawa? Because honestly, I’m done with whatever’s between us.” I said that made her eyes blaze with anger.

Mas lalong nag alab ang kasiyahan sa loob ko nang makita kung papaano magalit ang kaniyang mga mata.

“W-What do you mean? I thought we were on the same page on this, Seth? W-What happened? Did I do something wrong? Didn’t I make you cum the last ti—”

“No, Maurice. Wala kang nagawa, hindi lang ako masaya sa lahat.” Liar! I badly want to shout in her face how fucking disgusting she was in my eyes. How her fucking actions irk me every time she’s around.

Her eyes turned bloodshot as if she realized something—her assumptive bitchful eyes stared at me as if she was digging a hole in my face.

“Who’s the fucking girl, Seth?” She asked, serious and deadly.

My eyes darkened and equaled her stare. “No one, Maurice.” I stood up. There’s no point in telling her about my wife’s identity. Dahil alam ko ang maaaring niyang gawin sa oras na malaman niya ang tungkol kay Riz. “You may leave now. I have a lot of things to do.” I said, in the finale. I turned my back on her and went to the window and looked outside.

“Fucking tell me who’s the bitch!” She started to be hysterical.

“Enough.”

“No! I knew it, Seth. Someone seduced you, that’s why you’re acting this cold to me now!” Nanginginig at tila naiiyak niyang sabi.

Gusto kong isampal sa kaniya ang totoo pero pinipigilan ko lang ang sarili dahil hindi pa ito ang tamang oras para isiwalat sa kaniya ang lahat lahat ng nalalaman ko. After all, she’s not the only one who I wanted to bring down on ashes… I also wanted to destroy the empire that my fucking uncle was trying to build along with this bitch’s father.

Humarap ako at naglakad papunta sa kaniya. I held both of her elbow, and caressed it softly. Kahit sa loob loob ko ay nandidiri akong mahakawan siya, ngunit kailangan kong magpanggap.

I looked at her softly. “No, love. Stop crying, walang iba. I am just busy with all the things that I handled as the Leader of this place.” I said that made my insides shudder. Fuck you, Seth! This is fucking cheating! You are cheating on your wife!

She looked up at me with her eyes redded from the tears. “Really? Walang iba?”

Gusto kong sumuka, matawa at sakalin siya dahil sa reaksyon na kaniyang pinapakita, but fuck, I need to keep this facade.

I nodded. “Yeah, walang iba.”

“If you really mean what you’re saying, then prove it—kiss me.”

My breath tightened against my throat as my stomach churned.

“Maurice.”

“Kiss me.”

Fuck!

“Okay fine, but first I need you to give me a space first. Kailangan ko lang talaga mapagisa para sa mga kailangan kong matapos na mga papel.” I conditioned.

She pouted her filthy lips. “Eh? What about your secretary then? What is her use? Magpatulong ka sa kaniya para naman makapagbonding na tayo.”

Fuck this bitch! Gusto ko na siyang sakalin…

“She’s helping me, Maurice. It’s just that there are some papers she’s not allowed to get hold of.”

She stared at me for a moment before she nodded her fucking head. “Okay.”

“Let’s go, I’ll escort you to your car.” Ani ko at iginaya na siya palabas ng opisina ko.

Halos sumabog sa kababalaghan ang mga buhok ko sa katawan ng lumapat ang labi ni Maurice sa aking labi. That disgusting kiss will haunt me forever! Gusto ko nalang tumakbo sa apartment ng asawa ko at halikan siya ng paulit ulit para lamang mawala ang bakas ng labi ng putanginang pokpok na iyon sa labi ko. But I couldn’t do it, especially since, in the past few weeks, I had become even busier with my duties as the leader of this town. My staff and I attended meetings and conducted outreach programs left and right. At the same time, I was also managing the company that my father now plans to hand over to me.

Kaya kahit gustuhin ko ay hindi ko magawa. I missed her so much. My wife. Kaya kahit labag sa loob kong ipakilala siya sa kapatid ko ay wala na akong nagawa kundi ang ipabantay siya sa kay Sylas.

“She’s working as a barista in Ruinji’s cafe. She has this pretty, angelic, small face. Her skin is as white as milk, so you can easily determine her among the crews.” I described her to Sylas.

My dick of a brother smirked at me. His eyes stared at my face with amusement in them. Gusto kong sapakin ang mukha niya dahil naiirita ako ngunit pinigilan ko lalo pa’t may hinihiling akong pabor sa kaniya.

“Oh, she’s that pretty, huh?” He said, voice laced with playfulness as if he was trying to taunt me.

I locked my eyes on him, sharp and deadly. “Try me, Sylas. You knew so damn well what I could do with your toys in Taguig. Come and try me.” I warned him. I know that looked, he was testing the waters to see if I would get baited by his game.

Sa amin tatlo, si Sylas ang pinakanagkaroon ng kapayapaan at kaluwagan. Dahil sa ako ang panganay ay ako ang sumasalo ng lahat nang mga gawain at katungkulan sa kompanya kaya ang putanginang ‘to ay maraming oras para makapaglibot at makapag-explore.

“Whoa! Chill right there, Virgin man. I didn’t say anything.”

“I am not up for a joke, Sylas. I need you to guard her, to look out for her while I was fucking busy with things.”

His smile raised a bit. “What would I get in return for guarding her, Kuya?” The motherfucker asked.

“I’ll buy you anything, just guard my wife.”

Kuminang ang mga mata ng putanginang kapatid ko, ang mga tainga ay parang pumapalakpak.

“Anything? Really?” He challenged.

“Yeah,”

“Fuck! Iyan ang gusto ko sayo, Kuya. Nepo baby na naman ang angas ko nito.”

Kahit iritang irita ako sa presenya ng kapatid ko ay hindi ko maiwasan na matawa dahil sa kaniyang sinabi.

“Tarantado.”

“But wait, your wife, huh?” He is now back to playing with me.

“Stop, you fucking—” Ani ko at ibabato na sa kaniya ang stappler na nasa tabi ko lang.

The asshole stood up and shouted. “Mom, si Kuya nibubuli ako.” Na ani mo ay maririnig nina Mama ang sumbong niya mula sa labas ng office ko dito sa bahay. Kung umasta pa ang gago ay akala mo ay isa pa rin na ten-years-old na bata.

“Lumabas ka na nga putangina ka.”

My days went on without seeing her; it was like being ripped out of my bed every time I came to my unit in BGC, never catching a glimpse of her face. I wanted so badly to be with her again, to talk to her, even if it made her blood boil in my presence. I wanted to be part of her life, even if it meant making her mad at me. I could woo her, I could court her—because that’s what being a man means. I could man up for her, be whatever she wanted me to be. That’s how deeply, madly in love—and utterly obsessed—I am with her.

My eyes turned bloodshot as I looked at her fucking bestfriend. Pumunta ako dito sa apartment niya para hatiran siya ng pagkain… I know that right now, she’s either reviewing or working on some advanced studies. Pero ngayon gabi, na imbis na siya ang masurpresa ay ako pa ang nasurpresa at ngayon ay gusto ko nang hilain palabas ng apartment niya ang boy bestfriend niya.

I desperately want to act irrationally, but I’m holding myself back because of my wife. I don’t want to make the same mistakes again and hurt her. I want to do everything right—to court her, to make her truly feel the love I have for her.

“Move,” I said under my breath, laced with warning.

“Huh?” The stupid ass bitch asked as if he wasn’t even able to hear what I just said.

Sa gulat na pinapakita nitong lalaking kasama niya ay mas lalo akong naiirita at naiinis. Na pakiramdam ko na ano mang oras ay sasabog ako dahil wala man lang siyang pakiramdam. Na alam kong lalaki siya at alam niya na dapat kapag ganito ang pangbabakod na ginagawa ko sa kasama niya ay dapat umatras siya at magpaubaya.

But… What can I do if I am still behind the line that my wife is drawing between us… That I was yet accepted in her life.

I had to remind myself—I have no right to step out of line, not when my wife hasn’t truly accepted me into her life yet. Pero dahil sa patagal nang patagal at pakiramdam ko ay kahit ano mang oras ay puwede siyang maagaw sa akin kahit pa sigurado na ako na hindi ko iyon hahayaan ay nilalamon ako.

Kita ko ang takot at kaba na bumabalatay sa mukha ng aking sinisinta. Why, my wife? Are you scared that I caught you doing something? With someone?

But Fuck! Gusto kong suntukin ang sarili ko dahil alam kong hindi naman ganitong klaseng babae ang mahal ko. That she was not easily be lure into the trap of lust. Na sa panahon na pinapanood ko siya sa malayo ay kailan man hindi ko siya nakitaan ng kahit anong pagnanasa sa mga taong nasa paligid niya lalo na sa sinasabi niyang bestfriend niya.

I’m a fucking asshole for thinking that way about her!

I heaved a deep sigh and calmed myself. Fucking Seth. Calm yourself, or the commander will punish you! The commander will get very mad at you… We don’t want that to happen, right?

Right.

Naging kalmado naman ako nang pinapasok niya ako at pinasama sa tinatawag nilang bonding na Movie Marathon. The whole time that we were sitting on her sofa, I was just looking at her face—staring at her as if any minute she could be taken away from me by this…

“Stop doing that…” She whispered, enough for both of us to hear.

I looked at her admiringly. She’s fucking too beautiful! Heavenly beautiful!

“Doing what?” I asked with a smirk.

Her head snapped at me. Kita ko ang gigil na dumadaan sa mga mata niya na ano mang oras ay puwede niya akong masakal sa sobrang gigil niya. Come on! Wife, strangle me all you want! I’ll fucking let you… I’m on me knees just for your choking hands. Please, do it! I’ll be fucking thankful if you do that…

I couldn’t help but burst into laughter as I saw her roll her eyes at me. The irritation was now mixed with something… Something out of hate…

Fucking cute!

Kaya nang nakita ko na unti unti niyang binubuksan ang sarili niya sa akin, na bawat pagdaan ng araw ay nararamdaman kong binubuksan na niya hindi lang ang sarili niya kundi ang puso niya para sa akin ay hindi ko na iyon pinalampas pa. I date her everywhere I think was beautiful and what she deserves. I can do better! I can bring her everywhere she wanted… After all, I have all the money that can support her whimsical desire and wish.

“Nobyo mo yan, anak?” I heard her foster mother asked her. Gusto ko man ipahalata na narinig ko iyon ngunit nagkunwari akong walang narinig at inabala ang sarili na panoorin ang mga walang kakwentang bagay sa loob ng hospital room niya.

Gustohin ko man magreact at ipahalata na gusto ko ang naging tanong niya sa kung ano ang estado ko sa buhay ng anak niya ay hindi ko magawa. I don’t want to lose that chance that my wife was now giving me. Kaya kahit rinig na rinig ko ang mga sagot at palusot na sinasabi ng asawa ko ay hindi ako nagpakita ng kahit anong reaksyon.

Sa bawat pagsilip ko sa reaksyon niya sa mga sinasabi ng Nanay niya ay gusto kong sumabog sa tuwa. Her ears were now red, ganun na rin ang kaniyang pisngi. ‘Yun ata ang kauna-unahan kong nakita na ganun ang reaksyon niya sa mga bagay na naibabato sa kaniya patungkol sa akin.

Ngunit labis ang pagpipigil ko dahil ayaw kong mas lalong lumala ang hiya na kaniyang nararamdaman sa harap ng kaniyang ina. I busied myself from talking to her brother, Ramon, which told me stories about Riz, and memories he had with his sister. Kahit na ang mga tainga ko ay nagiging focus sa mga usapan nilang dalawa.

Nung araw na ‘yon ay ang unang pagkakataon na nararamdaman kong lumalambot na siya sa akin. That even in a small way. I was making a progress, that our relationship was starting to bloom. Sa araw na iyon ko rin nararamdaman ang pagiging hindi niya mapakali at nawawala siya sa pokus pag nakaharap ako sa kaniya. That every now and then, her cheeks blushed every time I call her my Wife.

“When did you plan to get married, Son? You are not getting any younger, for Pete’s sake. Mga anak ng mga amiga ko ay kinakasal na, ikaw na lang ang naiiwan na wala pang napapakilala sa amin na nobya.” It was my mother, one night on our dining table.

It was the day after I met her in her apartment, watching her review, and she let me stay by her side. It was one of those moments I keep to myself—a memory I could revisit countless times and never grow tired of thinking about.

I glance at my mother and my father, who were looking at me, waiting for my response. Hindi naman na nabago sa akin ang ganito nila. Pero hindi ko lang din nagugustuhan kapag napupunta na sa mga kasalan at balak nilang pagpe-pair sa akin sa mga anak na babae ng mga kakilala nila. I was never fond of arranged marriage, because I witnessed the hell my father and mother went through when they married and lived under the same roof. I was born from a night of fire—a night when two playful individuals explored each other and bore a child. Both of their parents agreed to marry them for my sake.

Hhhh

Excerpt 2

A/N: Hi, this is the second part of Excerpt, in Seth’s: POV. It will only cover some parts throughout the story, and the rest will be mentioned in the epilogue to close this novel of Seth and Riz’s journey finally. Some might notice that some parts were not mentioned, and to answer that, yes I cut some scenes, which means that I didn’t include them here.

Again, thank you so much for giving this story a chance. See you at the wedding, daghang salamat.

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊ ₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊ ₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊ ₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧

Excerpt 2

Seth Adriel’s POV

“Tito Syrius wasn’t present in any meetings these past few weeks. Is something happening to him, Dad?” I asked. Kakatapos lang ng board meeting, at sa pang-ilang pagkakataon ay wala na naman ang presensya ng tiyuhin namin.

“I don’t know, son. I called your cousin and asked them, but they didn’t know a thing either. Maybe your Tito is trying to build another business without us knowing? Let him be for the meantime, son.”

I sighed as I lost my grip on the idea that he was trying to betray us.

It was unusual for him to be absent from any meetings in our company, lalo pa’t board ang mga kasama. We haven’t heard from him for a month now. I didn’t even dare to ask any of his sons because I knew he might have something that was taking up his time. Matagal nang byudo si Tito, at hindi na rin siya nagtangkang mag-asawa pa ulit.

We were never close, but I respected him, and he was one of the people I looked up to—dahil na rin sa matalas at mangahas niyang dating sa business world. He was one of the founders of our company, The Security.

It became the number one company that offers protection and investigations to our clients. Walang koneksyon sa military at sa gobyerno. The Philippine government even tried to bribe him and Dad to become a trench company, but they declined. They wanted to stay separate, independent, and have no connection to the government. At bakit rin naman kasi gugustuhin nila, kung ang gobyerno at ang mismong namamahala ang lason at ang kalabang sinusubukan nina Tito na labanan?

“Tito Syrius was really acting weird lately, Kuya,” Sylas said as he poured alcohol into his glass.

I raised a brow at him. May nararamdaman na rin ako, ngunit iniwawaksi ko lamang—lalo na’t baka may babaeng pinagkakaabalahan si Tito.

“Why do you say so?”

He chugged his drink before answering. “He hasn’t been in any meeting, and even if a client requested his presence, he didn’t even pass it. Wala rin siya palagi sa kanila.”

Nag-text ako kay Riz na nandito ako sa bar kasama ang kapatid ko at iba pa niyang kaibigan. Damian was out because he had something to attend to.

“Hindi kaya…” My brother trailed off.

Napatitig ako sa kaniya, hinihintay ang susunod niyang sasabihin.

“What?”

“Hindi kaya ay may bago na siyang nililigawan? You know, he’s been vacant for a long time now, and maybe he missed being…” He shrugged before drinking another shot.

“Let’s not think of anything else about Tito, Sylas. Whatever he’s doing, let him be. As long as it’s not going to break our family and won’t affect the company and the people around us, then it’s fine.”

My Wife:

Gonna fetch you later. We’ll go on a date.

It was the night after my parents decided to start pairing me with their amiga’s daughter. I wanted to shrug it off and let it be. Pero naiisip ko pa rin si Riz.

Hindi naman nila ako mapipilit—kahit sino pa ang ipares nila sa akin—dahil may napili na akong mapapangasawa. It was her, and it would only be her. For me, if I marry Riz, she should be my bride. And if it’s not her, I’d rather stay single and love her without marriage.

My Wife

Okay. Pero Mayor, naaasiwa ako sa pangalan na gamit mo sa Facebook. :/

Natawa ako sa reply niya. Hindi ko rin naman binalak na ganito ang gagamitin kong pangalan. But since I’m a public figure and need to stay unnoticed whenever I check social media to see what’s happening inside the municipality I’m leading, this was the name I chose.

My Wife

Why? Upo na Violet sounds fun. You don’t like it, do you?

At first, it was created solely to monitor everything within my reach. But when I got to know her and fell deeply in love, I used it to message her and bug her—just to have at least a moment of conversation with the person I liked.

Riz Borja:

Why aren’t you sleeping yet?

It was the night when I finally dared to message her. I was on her wall—being an asshole stalker again—scrolling through her feed, checking every post, saving every picture. Her notes were what pushed me to message her.

Her note said:
“Messy day, gloomy feelings.”

And it was posted just a minute ago.

My eyes widened when a message popped up on my notifications. She replied. She fucking did.

I don’t know if being this crazy over a person so ethereal is normal or not—but I don’t fucking care.

I could feel my cheeks heat up. Alam kong normal sa tao ang makaramdam ng kilig, but for a man, it wasn’t usual. Pero anong magagawa ko? This is her effect on me—my wife.

At katulad ng inaasahan ko, alam kong magmamaldita na naman siya. I found it cute reading her replies. Those spicy words, how sarcastic they were— instead of getting offended, I found myself more drawn to her.

Naging madalas ko na ring mapansin ang pagiging komportable niya sa presensya ko. At first, I thought I was just hallucinating or making it all up. Pero sa mga sumunod, mas lalo akong ginanahang dumikit nang dumikit sa kaniya.

“The town didn’t have any proper water resources; they were all just getting their water from the well. And when my men checked and had it tested, the water from the well wasn’t clean at all. Now tell me… where is the budget that you requested before? You were the one who proposed this project, weren’t you?” I asked deliberately.

The Vice Mayor, Elikarte, didn’t answer. He just stared at me—his eyes round, lips slightly parted. He looked like a fool. Alam ko naman na ang sagot sa tanong ko. Kaya lang ay kailangan ko pa ring itanong dahil nasa budget meeting kami kasama ang representative na ipinadala.

“We allocated a budget for a project, but where’s the project? None. Just an image? A plan? Is that what it really was, Mr. Vice Mayor?”

The day passed, and our relationship became closer and closer. Kasabay no’n ang pagsubok ulit ni Mommy na ipagkanulo ako sa anak ng kumare niya dahil lang sa gusto niyang may anak na siyang maikasal. At first, it was fine with me since I understood that, for her, it was nice to witness how your son gets married. At alam kong mataas ang tingin ng mga amiga niya sa kaniya. And now that the sons of her amigas were getting married one by one, month after month, she was getting pressured—and she was passing that pressure on to me.

Ayos lang sa akin iyon sa una. Tinatawa ko lang, at minsan ay pinagbibigyan ko at kinikita ang mga babaeng pinapakilala niya sa akin. However, I didn’t see any of those women as my lifetime partner—not until her.

Kaya nang isang gabi, bago kami magkita ni Riz at pumunta sa nahanap kong lugar na magandang pasyalan sa Rizal, hindi ko na kinaya. Pakiramdam ko lumiit at umonti ang oras ko kasama siya.

Wife:

Okay, sige. Sasama ako.

“Son, one of my amigas’ daughters has a big crush on you. She’s a beautiful and bright woman. I think she’s fit to be your partner. You should meet her, what do you think?”She suddenly brought up the topic one night during dinner.

Bumagal ang nguya ko sa pagkain, at dahan-dahan kong ibinaba ang hawak kong fork and spoon. My eyes slowly went to my mother, who was all smiles as she looked at me sheepishly.

Biglang nag-iba ang timpla ng mood ko. Masaya ako buong maghapon dahil pakiramdam ko malapit ko nang makuha ang babaeng gustong-gusto ko—ang babaeng para sa akin ay makakasama ko habang-buhay. But since the world was opposed to the happiness of your life, it brought a twist—and it was your mom who wanted to set you up just to get married.

Nagsalubong ang kilay ko, at alam kong para sa kanila ay dumilim hindi lang ang mata kundi ang buo kong mukha.

“No, Mom. I’m not in the mood for that,” direkta kong sagot. Kita ko ang mabagal na pagkawala ng excitement at tuwa sa kaniyang mukha. She then glanced at my father, who was sitting at the center of the long dining table.

“W-Why? You are of age, son. It is time for you to get married. Your father and I want to see you get married and start a family… Gusto na rin namin na magkaap—”

I released a deep sigh. It was she who wanted to uphold her pride among her amigas—not my father, and most importantly, not me. I knew she was pressured because she was the only one who didn’t have a married son.

“I don’t have time for—”

“No, son. I know you can push this through. Please, try… She’s a wonderful woman. I’m sure you’ll like her,” dagdag niya.

Nanahimik ako at bahagyang napailing na lang. Never in my entire life had I declined her wish—this was the first. Tapos na akong sumubok at sumunod. Gusto ko naman sundin ang nasa puso ko. Nga lang, hindi ko pa magawang sabihin sa kanila ang tungkol kay Riz nitong mga nagdaang araw dahil inuna kong patatagin ang relasyong binubuo ko kasama siya.

“Please, son… Just this one, please.”

“Melinda,” singit ni Dad, na ngayon ay nababasa na siguro ang ekspresyon ko.

“No, hon. I just want our son to start his own family. And I think that’s just fine. That’s my wish, too… Ayoko lang na tumanda siya nang mag-isa dahil lang sa hindi siya makamove on sa babaeng—”

But the moment my mother started to bring up
her
—my ex-girlfriend who was killed—that pushed me even further not to agree.

Ayokong magalit kay Mama. Ayokong sumama ang loob ko dahil parang wala lang sa kaniya ang mga alaala ko sa babaeng minsan kong minahal. I still hold her dearly.

“I said no, Mom.” Sumimsim ako ng tubig, nagpunas ng bibig, at tumayo.

“I’m done eating, I’ll be going. Mom, Dad.” Umalis ako at umuwi na lang sa condo ko sa Taguig. Ang mga alaala ng mga ginawa nila sa kaniya ay parang isang ulan na muling bumuhos sa akin—kung paano siya kinuha sa akin dahil lang sa hindi matanggap ni Maurice na siya ang minahal ko, at hindi siya.

Pag-uwi ko sa condo ay dumiretso ako sa kuwarto na puno nang mga gamit ni Riz at do’n inilabas lahat ng galit na nararamdaman na hindi ko alam na kinikimkim ko lang pala. I can’t let them arrange me to someone… A date. I’m done with all of that. I tried, and it didn’t work.

I’m not going to let anyone ruin this chance of a new life for me, a love, a hope for this miserable life of mine. Pagod na akong gumalaw na parang robot sa araw-araw, gawin ang paulit-ulit na gawain, sundin ang paulit-ulit na hiling at gusto habang ang sarili ko ay nangangapa kung may patutunguhan pa ba.

Because honestly, when they killed her, I felt my world had crumbled and been destroyed into a thousand pieces. It was as if my path for this life had been burned. Sobrang dilim, sobrang sakit, at ayaw ko na ulit iyon maramdaman.

Kaya nang makilala ko si Riz, at nagkaroon na ng pag-asa para maging akin siya. I can’t let anyone get that chance away from me. Not her, not my mother, not anyone else.

Kaya hindi ko na kinaya dahil pakiramdam ko, sa pagkakataon ngayon, hindi ko na kayang tiisin. Na kung dati ay nagagawa kong palampasin ang hindi makaramdam ng kung ano-ano sa pagpipilit nila na maikasal ako para lamang maibigay ang self-fulfillment nila… Ngayon hindi na.

I feel so down, pressured, and pained. Sinubukan ko siyang tawagan ngunit hindi siya sumagot. Nag-text na rin ako upang magtanong kung gising pa ba siya. I need her; I want to hear her voice. Ngunit nang hindi siya sumagot ay wala akong nagawa kundi ilango nalang ang lahat sa alak.

I felt as though the boulders on my shoulders had all vanished in an instant when I first saw her face, sleeping under the same sheets. Her hair was messy and all over her face, her lips slightly parted. The angelic and ethereal face of hers was like a breath of fresh air to me. Na kahit anong hirap o problema ang nahaharap ko sa araw-araw ay nakakayanan ko basta kasama ko siya.

I caress her face and land a soft kiss on her cheeks. I love you, my wife. You’re maybe not my first, but I’m surely going to be the last. The moment our eyes first met, I saw how my future would be as your husband and you as a mother of my children. Fuck the gender, fuck the sexuality, and fuck the view of this fucking society and their beliefs. For me, you’re a woman who is more capable of being a mother, not by genitals or organs, but with the heart and soul.

Hindi ko alam na ganito pala ang sasapitin ko, ang malublob sa pagmamahal ko sa kaniya. Na kahit anong gawin kong langoy ay alam kong hindi na ako makakaahon pa. And the more my love for her grew deeper and wider, so did my obsessions for her.

At mas lalo lang lumala lahat nang nararadaman ko sa kaniya nang makuha ko ang una niya. Fuck! I can’t even breathe, and I thought I was just dreaming while I was pounding her flesh so hard. Naka dapa siya sa kama niya at ako naman ay nakapatong sa kaniya. I could see how my dick pushed into her sex freely and smoothly, despite how tight her cunt was.

“Ugh! Ah! Aah!” Ungol niya habang ang ulo ay tila hindi alam kung saan ibabaling dahil sa sensasyon na nararamdaman.

I clenched my jaw as I pounded her little tight cunt so hard. Gigil na gigil dahil sa init at sarap na nahahatid nito sa akin. I didn’t plan for this to happen. Balak ko lang talaga ihatid siya at makasama siya ngayong gabi tulad ng nakasanayan. But when our lips touch, and the fire within us blazes and ignites. Parang nasusunog din ang pagpipigil ko sa aking sarili. Ayaw kong maisip niya na ito lang ang habol ko sa kaniya kaya ko ginawa ang mga kabaliwan na iyon. I wanted to prove to myself that I am more than just sex and lust…

That my past was long behind me, and that would never be a reason to lock me in place and not to love her. Kaso nang makita ko kung gaaano magsumamo ang kaniyang mata at lumabas sa mga bibig niya iyon, ay tuluyan na akong bumitaw sa kinakapitan kong pagpipigil. I crushed my lips to her, devouring her doubts and issues, and replacing them by making her feel how I truly love her.

Kaya heto! I buried my member deep inside her little and tight cunt. Dreaming that filling her with my cum will impregnate her. Fuck! I will make sure that she’s my end game. My wife! I will make sure that after I take my revenge on those demons, I fulfill my promise to my late ex-girlfriend. I will marry her!

Na kung gaano ako nasarapan sa nangyari sa amin, ganun din ang pag-pipigil ko habang naghahalikan kami sa tapat ng vanity mirror niya. The moment I felt my body become hot and ignited with lust, I shut my eyes tightly. At tangina mo, Adriel. Hindi ka paladasal na tao, ngunit nang maramdaman ko kung gaano siya nagpapaubaya at pawang gustong gusto rin ang sasapitin namin ay doon na ako naging madasalin na tao.

God! Let me overcome this and make it stop if she didn’t really want this to happen. I want to bed her after we become one, in front of you. After I marry her, and put my name on her last name. Make me stop this, please?

But maybe everything was already set in motion; that night we became one, as we shared the same moment, drunk in lust and lost in love. Moaning, sharing the same bed, with the same emotions and feelings.

I knew it would be the best, and she’ll be my one and only.

“I love you, Wife,” Bulong ko habang sinusuklay ko ang buhok na nagkalat sa mukha niya.

God! I knew that I had been a good person throughout my life. I may not be perfect, but I know that I did well… And for once, I’m wishing that you’ll let me have this love for this lifetime… And let Riz become my partner for all eternity.

That was one of the happiest moments of my life… And I will forever cherish it. Kaya sa mga sumunod na araw na dumaan ay masayang-masaya ako. I could even paint myself as a cloud floating without any emotions, just happiness. Kahit sa munisipyo ay nagugulat ang mga tao dahil sa aliwalas at ang ganda ng mood ko.

“G-Good morning, Mayor,” bati sa akin ng isang facilitator sa munisipyo.

I smiled at her widely and nodded. “Yeah, good morning too. Have you and the staff already had your breakfast?” I asked, my face full of sunshine.

Her face flushed as her eyes widened in shock. “Uh… Yes po, Mayor. Salamat po,” mabilis naman niyang sagot, tila pa natataranta. Napailig na lamang ako bago ako naglakad papasok sa opisina ko. Kahit nga si Jan na bodyguard ko ay nararamdaman kong sumusulyap sa akin na may nahihiwagaan sa kaniyang mga mata.

“Mr. Del Prado, the Guzmans sent you an invitation for a party,” my secretary reminded me. From scrolling down her feed, once again, stalking my wife’s Facebook and Instagram accounts. My eyes flew to my secretary.

She’s standing just beside my table, wearing a pencil skirt and a long-sleeved polo. Amaia looked at me with her usual fierce expression.

I only nod my head to agree and dismiss her before shifting my eyes back to my phone. What is she doing right now? Is she at the university, or is she at Ruinji’s bullshit cafe? Fucking fuck! I missed her already!

I scrolled down the notification bar, and my forehead creased because of one notification. It was from the evil that manifested and solidified itself.

Maurice:

Are you busy? I need to tell you something.

I know you’re avoiding me, Adriel. But this time, I promise you, you can’t hide from me anymore.

My jaw clenched as soon as I read her message. For the past months, I never even dared to read her messages, even though she bombarded me every damn time. She’s fucking obsessed with me to the point that she’s willing to stoop so low, even to the deepest depths of the earth, just to have my love, which will never happen.

Me

What is it? Can’t you just tell me about it here? I’m too overloaded to meet you.

Tell me now.

I gritted my teeth when she swiftly replied. This fucking delusional woman! For years, I planned how I would destroy her and her family. To bury her deeper in the ground so that no one will ever find her. I even got myself tangled with her family just to get close to them and to plant an insider.

Na kahit ang maging fuck buddy niya ay nalunok ko para lamang maiganti ko ang taong pinatay niya. Naiintindihan ko na naman na ang nararamdaman niya. I’m obsessed too. But not to her. Fuck, I’m so sorry, but I’m obsessed with this sexy, petite little demon that’s trapping herself in that cozy apartment of hers. I’m fucking obsessed with her little angelic face from the top of her to her little cunt on the bottom.

Maurice

No! I want to say it in person. Trust me, you wouldn’t be happy if I said it in another way.

I swear to God! I wanted to barge into her house and bury a bullet in her fucking stupid bitch-ass head! But no! I wanted to end her in the plan I made. And if I do that, my wife will be sad and will be angry at m, which, for the sake of heaven, I will never want to happen.

Kaya kahit ayoko ay wala akong nagawa kundi ang pumayag. Ngunit hindi agad-agad. Buti naman ay pumayag siya. But little did she know, I had ordered my men to tail him and investigate for another reason. For my son…

“She has a son, boss.” And I trust myself when I hear Jan say that. A smirk formed on my lips when happiness gushed through my system. It was because finally, she would stay away from me.

And that happiness was just for a short while. Because God has his own playtime. And he chose that moment.

Jan’s face—the most trusted and loyal among the men I had known—had become darker, his eyes reflecting a guilt and sadness, but it wasn’t meant for himself, but for something… Perhaps, for me.

“And boss, another thing.” He trailed off. Napatigil ako sa pag ngiti at dahan-dahan na umangat ang tingin ko sa kaniya. Napawi ang saya sa labi ko nang maunawaan na ang pag-sisisi at kalungkutan ay hindi para sa sarili niya kundi… Sa akin.

“Her son has your face, boss. He looks very much like you,” he added. My ears became numb, as if the sound from the whole place didn’t even matter, and so was his news.

The air shifted into a heavy, suffocating, making my breath stuck in my throat. I stared at his face, trying and fucking hoping that he was just joking… Or… God!

But he wasn’t. He bowed his head in fear as he stood in front of my desk, standing firmly but no longer having pride.

“W-What the…” Fuck! Hindi ko mahanap ang salitang gusto kong sabihin. My head was banging inside, so I couldn’t process everything.

He

Looks

Like

Me.

What the fuck!

“Pardon? Can you repeat the last one, Jan!” I couldn’t stop my voice from rising. Napatayo ako habang malalim na umaalon ang aking dibdib dahil sa pinaghalong kaba at galit.

How?

“He looks very much like you, b-boss. S-Sa tingin ko po ay… Anak niyo siya,” he repeated. The last one was very much like a certain point.

Natuod ako sa kinatatayuan ko at napatitig sa kawalan. How the fuck did this happen? He looks like me? How!

“Anong—” In an instant, my body felt like it teleported to Jan’s front. I grabbed him by his collar and pulled him harshly. Nag-iinit ang buong katawan ko sa galit. Putangina! Hindi puwedeng totoo ito?

“Sigurado ka ba!” It wasn’t a question. Kita ko ang takot na bumabalatay sa kaniyang mukha. Na kahit mas matangkad siya ng onti sa akin at mas malaki ang katawan ay hindi ko mapapagkailang takot ang bumabalatay sa mukha niya.

“B-Boss, sigurado po ako. Kamukhang kamukha niyo po ang bata. I even took pictures of him just so I’m able to show them to you,” he said.

Tuluyang bumagsak ang mundo ko. That the world and dream I built for my dearest wife instantly vanished and turned into ashes. That… I couldn’t even utter a single word the moment Jan handed me his old, fucking outdated phone and showed me his picture.

My hands trembled as I chugged the alcohol from the very bottle. His face and build were very much like mine… Kamukhang kamukha ko. Kahit ang ukit ng nguso, ilong, at ang kulay ng mata niya’y hindi mapapagkailang isa siyang Del Prado… Na galing siya sa akin.

How did this happen? Nothing happened to us. I swear to not just the god above but every god in every other universe that ever once I laid my finger and fucked her. So how the fuck was he made!?

Iyak lang ako ng iyak sa loob ng kuwarto ko dahil sa sakit, takot, at pagkaguho ng mundo ko. I know that Riz is a good person, and she will probably be able to understand this. But I know that she’ll be in pain because of this.

Through researching! Bearing and having a child was one of her biggest insecurities as a trans person. That in her kind, giving birth was one of no point and no ground for accepting once it happened… And done by their partner. At dun ako natatakot! Dun ako nasasaktan! Dahil putangina, kayang kaya kong masaktan sa kahit anong paraan pero hindi sa paraan na makita ko siyang bagsak at nahahati dahil… Sa akin.

Kaya sa nagdaan na sumunod na araw ay naging mas maingat ako. Naitago ko iyon sa kaniya. I even acted much sweeter to her than usual. Na kahit alam kong dadating ang araw na maghihinala siya ay tinuloy ko pa rin.

“Hmmm? What’s wrong, Seth? May problema ba?” At tila nanigas ako sa kinatatayuan ko nang bigla niya iyon tinanong sa akin isang umagang nakayakap ako sa kaniya mula sa likuran habang nagluluto siya ng sinangag at tuyo.

Para akong sinusunog sa kinatatayuan ko dahil kahit alam kong kailangan kong aminin, ngunit ang isip ko ay nagtutulak sa akin na huwag kong sabihin.

I buried my face in the crook of her neck and, before shaking my head, denied what’s inevitable. Gusto kong umamin, gusto kong sabihin, pero sa tuwing sinusubukan ko ay naduduwag ako. Nasasaktan ako na maimagine ko lang na mawawala siya sa akin.

“I love you so much, Wife. I would trade every penny and treasure I have in my life just to have you in a lifetime,” I sincerely said, along with the guilt of the sin.

She stopped mixing the pan full of rice and lifted her hand to caress my face. She then chuckled heartily, which broke my heart. Fuck!  It hurts me! Bat ang sakit sakit?!

“I love you too, Seth. Me too, I wanted to have you in my lifetime. I wanted to build a family with you, not because of your status or your wealth, but because I know that you’ll be a good father.”

No! I’m not…

A sob escaped my lips when I couldn’t bear it anymore. I cried on her neck, like a goddamn baby that was caught on something. Ang sakit kasi alam ko na kahit itanggi ko si Sander ay mula sa akin… Na kahit ilang ulit ko nang inisip kung paano siya nabuo, ay hindi ko puwedeng itanggi na siya ay akin. Do’n pa lang ay sobra-sobrang taliwas ako sa pagiging mabuting ama na sinasabi niya.

“Why? What’s wrong?” She turned her body, facing me as she looked at my face with eyes full of worry. Mas sumikip ang dibdib ko.

Umiling ako at mas lalo lang naging hikahos sa iyak.

“Whatever it is that you couldn’t find to say to me at the moment, know that I will be here waiting and all ears. I’m free and with open arms to hear you, hmm.” Aniya na mas nagpadurog sa puso ko. Hinalikan niya ako ng puno ng pagmamahal kaya wala akong nagawa kundi pumikit at namnamin iyon.

Dumaan ang mga araw, at para akong gumagalaw na walang kaluluwa. Condo, Munisipyo, and Apartment ang inatupag ko. Na bawat araw na dumaan ay mas lalo akong kinakain ng konsensiya ko mula sa pagtatago sa kaniya. I can bear to face Sander; I can bear to see him in person.

Alam kong hindi kasalanan ni Sander na naliuwa siya sa mundong ito. Na wala siyang ambag sa nararandaman kong konsensya. It was all mine, and it was my sin.

“What the fuck did you just say, Adriel?!” Damian’s voice thundered across the room; he gripped my collar tightly as he pulled me up. Nagpaubaya ako sa kaniya at tumingin lang sa mga mata niya na puno ng pagsisisi.

His face was very dark. His eyes were filled with anger, resentment, and betrayal. Nandito kami sa VIP ng isang pub sa Makati. At dito ko na rin napagpasyahan na sabihin sa kaniya lahat.

“Bro! Let’s talk about this calmly, yeah? Let him go,” Ruinji said as he tried to convince Damin to calm down.

Umigting lang ang panga niya at tumititig sa aking mga mata. I will let him bruise every space in my face because I deserve it. Alam kong kasalanan ko at wala akong magawa kundi tanggapin ang galit niya. First, I keep Riz away from him. I hid the truth that my men had already found his long-lost sister, and now his anger and resentment intensified because of the betrayal that my sin had caused.

Isang malakas na magkasunod na suntok ang natanggap ko bago niya ako padarag na binitawan sa sofa. Hindi ako gumanti bagkus ay tinanggap ko lahat. I welcomed everything he threw at me because I know that I am the sole sinner and at fault. Walang ibang puwedeng ituro kundi ako.

“First, you knew damn well about her, yet you hid her away from us. Second, you stepped on the line by fucking my sister! And fuck! Now, you’ll invite us here just to break the news that you just produced yourself an heir and cheated on my fucking sister! How demonized are you, Del Prado?” He pointed his finger at me as his eyes fumed with anger and resentment, and… disappointment.

Ruinji held him by his forearm to stop him. He didn’t wince, but then he stared at me, standing tall, looking down on me with so much pain, betrayal, and anger in his eyes.

Yes! Suddenly, all of the things I did just dawned on my fucking mind. I did betray my best friend; I betrayed him and his family, the only ally I have for this revenge mission I have. I did his sister wrong by hiding things behind our relationship… Fuck! I even slither myself just to have her…

Damian groaned painfully; he then rammed the table full of bottles of alcohol, and the glass broke. Galit na galit siya na para bang makakapatay siya. It was the first time I saw him this mad. And I am the fucking reason for it.

Umuwi akong bagsak hindi lang ang balikat kundi ang buong buhay ko. Damian forced me to spill his sister’s whereabouts, and I don’t have any choice but to. Ayoko nang dagdagan ang mga nagiging kasalanan ko hindi lang sa sarili ko kundi sa mga taong nakapaligid sa akin. At isa pa, hindi ko puwedeng ipagtulakan ang sarili ko sa kaniya kung ganito ako kadumi at makasalanan.

I had him; we had him. He was already there and alive. Kicking and laughing. My son…

My Sander.

Pabagsak kong inihiga ang sarili ko sa sofa at tumitig sa kisame ng condo ko. My eyes were blurry because of the unshed tears I had been holding since forever. For an instant, all the happiness we shared flashed in front of my eyes like a damn recap from a movie. The way she looked at me was with pure adoration and affection. How love reflects in her eyes. She showed how her feelings were deep just for me.

Puro at sunod-sunod na hagulgol ang lumabas sa bibig ko. It was pure guilt, pain, and regret. Inubos ko ang ilang araw kong hindi pagpapakita kay Riz para lamang iiyak lahat. Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit ganito ako! Eh, ako nga naman ang gumawa nito.

“Hi, pow, I’m Sander… Dish ish my Dowddy.” Sander introduced himself and me to Sylas. Puro ng galak ang boses niya.

Sylas’ jaw dropped as he slowly tore his eyes from Sander. He then stared at my face and then back at Sander, as if he was doing proper research and scrutiny.

“Fuck! Bro! You really did have a son.”

“Stop your curses, Sylas. May bata dito,” I warned him like a command.

He gulped as he intently stared at my son, who was now busy eating his pasta. I brushed his hair softly as I watched him with adoration and affection.

“I’m sorry, bro. But how did this happen? You said that you never…” He trailed off the last part, his eyes darting to my son as if he was making sure that my smart boy would never get what he was trying to say.

I fixed the food on the table and encouraged my son to eat well. I then heaved a sigh and faced my brother.

“I don’t know either… I know what you are thinking and the things that are popping in your head. I did that too, but…” I sighed before continuing. “How can I deny him from myself if he is my walking image?”

Sylas smirked, yet the contemplation in his eyes didn’t slip away from mine.

“Did you tell her about this? I mean… Hindi naman sa pinangungunahan kita Kuya… But she deserves to know the truth.”

I shut my eyes tightly as the reality gripped me harder than it had these past days. Alam ko naman iyon… Sinusubukan kong i-open iyon sa kaniya ngunit sa tuwing nakikita ko labis na saya sa mukha niya ay naduduwag ako. Parang umuurong lahat ng tapang ko. How can I drag her happiness away from her? It will automatically bring her into her sadness the moment I tell her about it.

“I know, Sylas. I am planning to do that.”

“Because that’s the right thing to do, Kuya. Riz deserves the truth, and this young man right here deserves to be known.” He said the last part as he pinched my son’s cheek.

“Ouwch! Dawddy!” Sumbong ni Sander sa akin habang naluluhang tumingin sa akin.

I slapped my brother’s hand.

“Stop that or else…”

“Or else what?” He grinned. I threw him a sharp look. This fucker didn’t miss the chance to annoy me! Now, he’s doing it to my son.

We went out of that fast food chain and wrapped everything after I brought Sander to an arcade. It was the first time I saw him so happy that it felt like he emitted it from his face. My heart swelled in warmth as I stared at his face that was very much like mine. Naisip ko ang sinabi ni Sylas. Tama naman siya, at deserve ng anak ko na malaman ng mundo na nag-e-exist siya.

Kaya ko naman gawin iyon dahil sobrang dali lang naman. I no longer have the means and care about how people perceive me. Wala naman na akong paki noon pa sa kung ano ang masasabi nila sa akin puntong malaman nilang lahat ang mayro’n sa amin ni Riz. At ganun rin sa pagkakaroon ko ng anak.

“I miss you, Wife.” I hugged her tight from behind as I buried my face in her neck. I sniffed the skin that tickles her.

She giggled. “Seth, nakikiliti ako,” Saad niya at sinubukang kumawala mula sa pagkakayakap ko.

Kakatapos lang namin mag-siping at kasalukuyan kaming nagpapahinga at nakahiga sa aking kama dito sa condo. I was planning to tell her about Sander, but what happened earlier stopped me from doing so. Pinakilala ko na kasi siya kina Mom at Dad. I was too occupied with her. I was just silently watching her while she was talking to my parents.

Akala ko pa ay hindi siya magiging komportable nang maipakilala ko siya sa kanila, ngunit nakahinga rin naman ako nang maluwag nang mapayapa naman tinanggap siya nina Mom and Dad. Though it wouldn’t even really be a big deal to me if my parents wouldn’t accept her because of whatever reasons. I could even distance myself from my family so that she will never cross paths with my parents if they don’t accept her.

I love them, but the woman I have now is enough for me to let them be and be my own now.

Days passed, and our lives became so fresh and soft. Naging maayos naman ang mga araw namin ni Riz. At maayos ko rin nakakasama ang anak ko. I know that the time comes, and I need to tell her about Sander. Ilang beses ko nang sinusubukan ngunit hindi ko magawa. Alam ko na sa bawat araw na pinipili kong itahimik nalang ang lahat ay mas lalong bumibigat ang nagiging kasalanan ko.

Pero masisisi rin ba ako kung natatakot akong pagnalaman niya iyon ay mawawala siya sakin? I was torn between telling her the truth that she deserves and the pain of losing her once it happens.

I don’t want to lose her. I can’t. Hindi ko kayang mawala siya sa akin ngayon pang nakuha ko ang lahat-lahat ng pinapangarap ko lang no’n.

Isang gabi ay tumawag sa akin ang kapatid ko. It was twelve midnight when he called. My eyes were half-lidded as I picked up my phone.

“Kuya, finally!”

I groaned in annoyance. “What is it, Sylas? It’s fucking midnight!”

“Yeah, I know, and I’m sorry. But I have news for you, and before I say it, please forgive me if I did it in advance without your permission.”

Kinutuban ako sa kaniyang sinabi at mabilis na napaupo mula sa pagkakahiga. Don’t fucking tell me he…

“What the fuck is it, Syles?!” I couldn’t hold myself as my voice rose.

“Ouch! Relax, you motherfucker. It’s not what you are thinking. I didn’t tell her yet!” He defended. I could hear someone talking on his line, but I ignored them.

“Ano ‘yon?” Iritado kong tanong. I slipped myself out of my comforter and stood up. Pumunta ako sa bedside table upang kumuha ng tubig at uminom.

Sylas sighed.

“Sander is not your son. He is not your biological son.” Shock sliced through me as if it were a blood result from an attack.

What?

My forehead creased as I stared at the wide glass wall in front of me.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!”

“Bro! Hear me out. I did a DNA test between you and him, and the result was negative. I know I have no rights on this, but I have this gut feeling that Maurice is fooling you! Her actions and movements are getting creepier and more suspicious.”

“Are you sure, Sylas? What the fuck!” My heart pounded so hard inside my chest. Bumibigat din ang paghinga ko hindi dahil sa tuwa kundi sa galit na aking nararamdaman.

How could she use him? A baby boy! Is this how low she could be just to have me?

“Where’s the result? Send it to me now!”

“Yeah, I know. I sent it through your email. And here’s the other one. You know who Sander’s biological father is?” He trailed off.

“Who? Don’t hang me off the hook; just tell me now.” My jaw clenched so hard that I could feel my teeth colliding.

He chuckled, which made my blood boil. “Fuck! This was funnier than I thought.”

“Stop playing with me, or I’ll cut everything you have.” I blackmailed him. I was the one who funded his academics. He is still studying.

“God! Sorry, okay? It’s Tito Syrius. Sander is our cousin; he’s not your son.”

My ears became deaf as the news he shared slowly dawned on me. Shit! I didn’t sin. Sander is not my son. I didn’t fuck Maurice and get her pregnant. I am happy, but I also have this hollow feeling inside of me. Sander has gotten close to me, and I have long accepted him as my real son. I loved him. Kaya kahit nabunutan man ako ng tinik ay may kirot sa dibdib ko para sa kaniya.

“Yeah, he’s not your son, so you better not hide this from Ate Riz,” my brother said before cutting the line.

Hindi ako nakatulog ng gabi iyon dahil inisip ko lahat. I also think about another plan on how I am going to get back at them… To her. She deceived me; she tried to pull some strings—she thought she had me wrapped around her hands. Fuck her! I’ll fucking dig her grave!

I made some calls. From my own investigation team to my agents and to my brothers. I also let Damian into our plan. At kahit alam kong galit siya sa akin ay wala na akong pakialam. This is the only way I could get back for every wrong I did to him and to his family.

Buong araw din akong hindi nakapagparamdam kay Riz. Though we texted from time to time, I was too occupied with the plan I laid to know that God made his own move to make everything straight.

I saw how Riz’s eyes shuddered as he looked at me while Sander was talking behind us. Hindi niya ako kinakausap, at hindi niya sinasabi sa akin kung nasaan siya. She became distant and cold in the past few days, and it was stupid of me to think that it was just another round of her mood swings because of her hormones. But shit, it’s not. She knew about Maurice’s texts, and she read some of them. And now she thought that I was cheating on her.

Now, she might have thought that I made her my mistress. Hindi ako mapakali; pakiramdam ko anumang maling galaw ay lulubog lahat ng plano ko pati ang mundo. Sa ekspresyon palang sa mukha niya, alam kong labis na siyang nasasaktan. I wanted to hold her; I wanted to hug her and cage her within my arms, but the bitch is here and grinning like she thinks she’s the winner.

“Daddy, Mommy said you’re busy; that’s why you couldn’t visit us. Is it true?” Sander asked innocently. Mas lalo akong nabato sa kinatatayuan ko nang makita ko kung paano mas tumarak ang sakit sa kaniyang mga mata.

My wife’s eyes were now glimmering red, as both sides of her eyes were wet from the unshed tears she was trying to hold back.

Hindi ako makagalaw habang unting-unting nilalamon ng takot ang kalooban. Putangina! Bakit ngayon pa? I am not mad at my son, but I’m mad at his bitch-ass mother.

Parang nadurog ang puso ko nang umiling si Riz sa akin habang namumutlang sumulyap kay Sander. She then looked at me with finality as she excused herself. Gusto ko siyang habulin, gusto ko siyang pigilan at yakapin. Ipaliwanag lahat lahat.

Ngunit sa huli ay wala akong nagawa kundi ang hayaan siya at unahin ang dilim na nasa aking harapan. I drove Sander, my son, and the bitch through their home. Nang makarating kami sa tapat ng bahay nila ay inuna kong hinatid si Sander sa gate ng bahay nila kung saan naroon ang nanny niya.

“I will visit you soon and bond with you all day. Is that okay?” I assured him. I tried to hold my voice so as not to break down in front of him.

He nodded continuously like the good boy that he is. “Yesh, pow, Dwaddy. I misshed you, pow,” he said as he wrapped his short and cute little arms around my neck.

Niyakap ko siya at kinausap pa ng kaunti bago ko sinenyasan ang nanny niya na ipasok na si Sander sa loob lalo pa’t humahamog na sa labas.

Nang mawala na siya ay mabilis akong nagmartsa sa shotgun seat na sinusugurado kong bumabakas ang galit sa aking tindig.

I harshly opened the door of the car and threw her my angriest look. The anger inside of me is brewing like a soup that gets hotter and hotter over time.

“Get out,” I said with conviction.

She looked at me with her stoic face. I swear to God! I badly want to pull my gun out of my waist and shoot her in the face.

She went out of the car and stood beside me, facing her back to the door. I slammed the door hard and loudly.

“What the fuck are you doing, Maurice? Why did you bring Sander there?”

An evil grin slowly rose on her lips. She tilted her disgusting face to the side.

“Why? Your son is missing you. Look what our son found… You with your bitch, getting out of that fancy restaurant.”

“Shut your fucking mouth. I was just holding myself not to grip your neck because I still see you as the mother of Sander. Don’t try to run my patience out; you’ll never like it.”

“Oh? Pulling that trying-to-get-me-scared stunt on me now, huh? Who do you think you are, Adriel?” She spat like acid into my ears. Namumula na ang mata niya at alam kong nasasaktan siya. Kailanman ay hindi niya ako nakitang nagalit sa kaniya. At least, she thought I never was; I was just able to hide it and not let her see how I have been fucking mad at her for years.

“You knew me very well, Maurice. And I am warning you! Try to lay any of your fingers on my son and on my wife—”

“Ha! Wife? That gay-ass bitch? You’re calling him your wife?” She laughed humorlessly as she turned her back on me while shaking her head.

“Call her a bitch once again, and you’ll face the darkness.” I slammed my hand beside her head as I pinned my body not too close to her.

I saw how her eyes grew rounder as she looked at me. The fear in them that slowly emerges was giving me satisfaction. Yes! That’s right, bitch. Fear me! Be scared of me. Let your family know that I am no longer bound to them… By no power, nor fear, nor position.

Pagkatapos kong kausapin ang potanginang babaeng iyon ay dumiretso na ako sa apartment ni Riz. There, I saw her crying, devastated by the scene that was unfolding before her eyes. Everything that I was overthinking for the past few months has been the reality. It was now happening in front of me.

My heart broke into pieces as I saw how wet her cheeks were from crying. The way her eyes looked at me was not just showing her anger, but how I broke her inside. I immediately went to her, but she whisked my hand away.

“A-Anong ginagawa mo dito? Hindi ka dapat nandito, Seth! Nandoon ka dapat sa anak mo… At asawa mo.” She tried to make her voice firm and straight,t but it broke on the last part.

No… No! You’re my wife. Fuck!

Mabilis ko ulit siyang hinawakan ngunit winawaksi niya ang mga kamay ko habang sunod-sunod na umiling. Every damn minute that I seeing her cry in front of me, because of me was like burning me inside. Para akong sinasagasaan nang paulit ulit sa bawat pag-ilag niya sa akin.

See how you fucked everything up, Adriel? Putangina, ikaw ang may gawa nito. You broke her, you did her wrong!  Parang sinasakal ang leeg ko dahil sa pagbabara no’n. Hindi ako makapagsalita na para bang pinutulan ako ng dila.

“Ano pa bang ang dapat ipaliwanag do’n? May anal ka, at mukhang tatlong taon na ang edad. At mabubuo ba ‘yung bata ng magisa kalang?” She said every word like acid that melting me, painful in burning.

“W-Wife…”

She shook her head painfully.  

“Hindi ako tanga para hindi ma gets na may partner ka… Ginawa mo akong kabit!” Sigaw niya na nagpalukob sa akin sa labis na pagsisisi. Hindi ko na natiis pa’t hinawakan ko ang kaniyang pisngi at pinunasan ang kaniyang mga luha.  This is what I fear… And now it’s happening and I couldn’t do anything but to try explain everything.

Buong panahon na nilaan ko para makapagisip  ng maayos at maisip ang kung ano ang desisyon na aking gagawin ay parang nalaglag lamang sa apoy at nasunog dahil sa nangyayari. Tangina ko! Ang tanga tanga ko! Sana pala ay nakinig na lang ako at hindi na nagpalamon sa takot na aking nararamdaman para lamang hindi ko siya nakikitang nasasaktan dahil sakin.

Bawat pagtutulak niya sa akin, ay parang mga kutsilyong tumatarak sa aking dibdib. Ang bawat pagpatak ng luha niya sa kaniyang pisngi ay parang asido na binubuhos sa aking puso.

“Stay away from me! Lumayo ka sa akin!”

“Don’t push me away, Wife .” I plead but she didn’t heed it. She shook her head continuously as she declined every word I said. From there, I could see what was about to happen. The decision that was brooding in her eyes… The fear that I bearing all these days.

Ang dilim na binibigay ng gabi ay sumasabay sa dilim na paparating sa aming relasyon. Ang sakit na patuloy na sumasakop sa kaniyang mga mata ay siyang lason na lumalamon sa aking kalooban. Alam ko naman na kasalanan ko… I had all the chance but I chose to kept it from her. Sylas was right… She deserves the truth… She deserves no secret.

“Maganda na rin pala na nandito ka para harap harapan kong sabihin ‘to. Na putulin ang kung anong mayro’n sa ating dalawa.” What I heard made my ears ring, as if I had suddenly gone deaf. At the same time, the world I had been dreaming of for the two of us was completely shattered. Every word, every emotion carried in his voice—along with the very words I feared—became the force that broke not only my heart, but also the dreams I had held onto.

I quickly dropped to my knees in front of him, hoping—desperate—to earn his forgiveness, to be given another chance for whatever it was that we still had. In my entire life, I had never knelt or begged anyone for any reason. I always believed, and felt deep within myself, that I was strong—standing tall, above such desperation.

“Let’s break up.”

My once colorful world was completely swallowed by darkness the moment he spoke the word I feared the most. My entire body went numb, as if life itself was slowly draining out of me. I was terribly wrong, and I admit it—I own my mistake, and I am willing to fully embrace the fault that was mine. But perhaps I was already too shameless, because I still forced myself to stay by his side. In the days that followed, I was reduced to someone who followed him blindly, like a dog trailing after its master, tail wagging despite everything.

Ilang buwan ang dumaan ay naging malamig sa akin si Riz. Para akong patay na gumagalaw dahil hindi ko magawa ang mga gampanin ko hindi lang bilang isang tao, at nangangalaga sa bayan na ito bilang isang Mayor, kundi isang pinuno ng isang negosyo. Wala akong ibang inatupag kundi ang suyuin siya. Katulad pa rin ng dati, maaga akong nagigising para lamang lutuan siya ng puwede niyang baunin papasok sa university namin. Hinahatid ko siya papasok at papunta sa trabaho niya. Na kahit ilang beses niya akong hindi pinapansin, hindi kinikibo at dinadaanan na para bang isa akong kaluluwang hindi umiiral sa mundo ay tiniis ko. Kasalanan ko… Ako ang nagtago. Ako ang naging mapaglihim kaya dapat lang na tiisin ko lahat lahat.

“Umalis kana, hindi ko kailangan ng pagkain. May pera ako.” Pagtataboy niya sa araw ng Biyernes. Vacant niya at nandito kami sa field ng SFU kung saan walang masyadong istudyante ang napapadpad. Tanging mga Varsity lamang ng University ang nandito at ang ilang mga tao.

Malayo rin kami sa kanila kaya nasisigurado kong hindi nila ako makikilala o hindi nila mabibigyan ng kahulugan ang nangyayari ngayon. Hindi dahil ayokong ipagsigawan o malaman nila ang namamagitan sa amin ni Riz kundi dahil alam kong isa ito sa ayaw niyang mangyari.

“Please, Wife. I made this for you so that you wouldn’t use your money to buy food and make use of it for more important things.” He looked at me without any emotion, while I stood there like a child begging for forgiveness from their mother.

“Ayoko. Umalis kana at baka makita ka pa ng kung sino nandito at magkaroon kapa ng issue sa akin. Mahiya ka sa anak mo… At sa asawa mo.”

“N-No… Hindi… Wala akong asawa… Anak… O-Oo, mayro’n pero hindi ko asawa ang Nanay niya. Please, if you could just let me explain everything…”

Ngumisi lang siya at umiling bago ako tinalikuran at umalis. Hindi ako sumuko. Hindi ako tumigil. Patuloy pa rin ako sa panunuyo ko sa kaniya. Dahil alam ko… Ramdam ko na mapapatawad niya ako at mabibigyan niya ako ng pagkakataon na makapagpaliwang sa kaniya.

“Kuya, you need to pull yourself together. You’ve been out for months now! What happened to the almighty, Seth Adriel, of this fuckining city, huh?” My brother taunted me one night in my condo. I was sitting on the highstool chair while holding a glass of whiskey. Nakatayo siya sa kabilang bahagi ng Island counter at problemado akong sinesermonan. Hindi ako nagsalita at hindi rin ako umangal.

Sa pagkakataon na ‘to ay hinayaan ko lagn siyang sabihin ang kung ano ano sa akin para lamang maibsan ang pagsisisi na aking nararamdaman.

“Hindi mo na magawa ang tungkulin mo bilang isang Mayor, hindi ka na rin nakakapasok sa kompanya… At huwag mong sabihin na hindi ka na rin nagpapakita kay Sander… Kuya, hindi porket nalaman mo na hindi mo siya tunay na anak eh babaliwalain mo na siya. He’s just a kid, please spare him from all of this shit. Isa pa maaaring masira ang plano natin sa ginagawa mo.”

“I know… I’m sorry.”

“Oh, fuck your apologies, Kuya. Stand up and pull yourself together. Kapatid mo ako at kuya kita. Nasasaktan akong makita kang ganito kahit pa alam kong kasalanan mo naman lahat.” He turned his body away and left me alone in that cold and lonely condo.

Tama naman si Sylas. Naiintindihan ko kung saan siya nang gagaling dahil sa lahat ng taong puwedeng makaintindi sa akin ay siya iyon. He was the one who saw how I almost lost myself when Brielle was taken from me—how I became lifeless, unable to move, consumed by anger and unbearable pain because of her loss. He witnessed how I suffered and how hard it was for me to stand back up again. That’s why I understand why he speaks the way he does now.

He was also the one who carried my responsibilities as the head of our businesses when I couldn’t. But the pain and regret I feel now are different—so very different from what I felt back then for Brielle.

Pero sobrang pasasalamat ko nalang at mayro’n akong kapatid na katulad niya. Na dahil sa simpleng salita niya no’n ay nagawa kong gisingin ang sarili ko sa reyalidad. Na walang mangyayari kung patuloy akong magpapaawa sa sarili ko, sa kaniya at sa kasalanan na dapat ay imbis na tinatama ko ay patuloy kong akuin lang ng walang pagbabago.

Nakabalik ako sa postura ko. Pinagbuti ko ang pagtratrabaho ko sa bayan, sa kompanya namin, sa pagsuyo ko sa kaniya at sa pagpapaplano ko pabagsakin ang pamilya ng putanginang babaeng ‘yon. Naging maayos lahat lahat at naging maganda ang nangyari. Napatawad ako ni Riz, naipakilala ko siya kay Sander at naging maayos ang aming relasyon.

Sa ilang buwan na lumipas pagkatapos ng madilim na panahon na iyon ay akala ko ay wala nang mangyayari. Ngunit nang isang gabi na dumalaw ako sa apartment niya at naabutan ko ang gulo gulong gamit, umuusok at nasusunog niyang salas ay halos lamunin ako ng lupa sa takot. Mabilis kong tinawagan lahat ng taong maaaring nakakaalam sa kung anong nangyari sa apartment niya at sa kung sino ang nakakita.

“Bro! Calm down.”

“I’m gonna fucking kill that bitch if she lays a finger on my sister!” Damian punched the wall of my office, and his voice thundered through the whole room.

“I got my men ready, Bro. I’m just waiting for your signal.” Ruinji said as he calmly sat on the sofa.

I looked at him as if he were the one who was behind the abduction of Riz. Fuck this! Mas lalo lang akong nangangating sugurin sila sa kung saan lupalop nila dinala si Riz.

“Fuck it, Adriel! How could you let this happen to her? I trusted my sister to you!” Damian’s voice seethed with anger as he looked at me with his eyes reddened.

My jaw clenched as I stared at him.

“I didn’t let this happen, bro. Maybe I let my guard down but I never let this happen. I thought that bitch stopped from pulling some tricks since the day I confronted her about touching Riz and my son.” I defended.

“Son, huh? Gaano ba sa tingin mo kabaliw sayo ang babaeng ‘yon? She even killed Brielle just because you chose her over that bitch. Now, it’s my sister that she’ll kill because again she can’t have you!” he marched towards my desk but Sylas swiftly went to him to stop him.

“Damian, calm down. We won’t let her do that. We won’t let that happen.”

“Talaga? Eh ano pa hinihintay natin dito!?”

I stood up and looked at him, meeting his angered eyes. I clicked my neck as my jaw clenched. Alam ko nararamdaman niya at kahit ako ay natatakot sa maaaring gawin ni Maurice kay Riz. Alam namin lahat na siya ang nag-uutos sa lalaking iyon upang mag manman kay Riz. For months, we were tailing that man wearing a black hoodie, spying Riz whereabouts and what she was up to. At kahit kating kati akong putukin ang mukha niya dahil sa gigil na natatamo mula sa pananakot niya kay Riz ay pigil na pigil ako.

But I know Maurice’s craziness. If we went there without a solid plan, she might kill Riz without a second thought. Ganun ang ginawa niya kay Brielle at ayaw na ayaw kong mangyari iyon.

“I know and I deeply understand what you are feeling right now, brother. But we couldn’t just barge in there and ambush the place without a solid plan for rescue. At paano kung hindi lang si Riz—”

“And what plan are we waiting for?” He cut me off with his voice filled with discomfort.

“Kailangan natin mapag-aralan ang lugar… Ni hindi pa rin nakakpagreport ang mga tauhan ko kung nasaan si Riz.”

“Kuya is right, Damian. We all want to rescue Riz as soon as poasible but we can’t risk her life by barging in there unplanned.” Sylas agreed.

Damian looked at me and mu brother before heaving a deep sigh. He probably understood what we wanted to point out. Alam kong takot siya sa nangyayari at ako rin naman. Kahit barako ang datingan namin ay ibang usapan na ang nagaganap pag mahal sa buhay na ang pinaguusapan.

A sudden noise outside my office diverted our attention.

“Get off me! Let me fucking in! I need to talk to my nephew!” I heard a familiar voice shouting outside.

Kumunot ang noo ko bago ko binalingan ang mga kasama ko sa loob. Jan and other of my men are outside my office, guarding us. Kami lang lima nina Ruinji, Sylas, Damian, Alas at ako lamang ang nandito sa loob.

Alas glanced at Ruinji with his usual look. Bored and stoic. Dahan-dahan siyang tumayo sa pagkakaupo at pumunta sa pintuan upang silipin ang kung ano ang nagaganap sa labas.

Ruinji stood up but he stayed in his place. Binuksan ni Alas ang pintuan ng office ko at sinilip ang nangyayari.

“Bro, it’s your stupid uncle,” Alas announced.

COVEEEEN

Epilogue

Hi, this is the epilogue of this story. I want to thank y’all for reaching this far with me. To stay and still read this story despite the flaws and the holes in the plot. I am so grateful for those who keep on voting in every chapter, no skipping. I hope that you all will keep on reading my story. Thank you so much.

-COVEEEEN

EPILOGUE

Seth’s POV

I could feel the veins in my body throb as I held Uncle Syrius by the neckline of his shirt. He didn’t react or even try to free himself. Nakatingin lang siya sa akin, bigo ang mukha. His eyes were soft and defeated as he confessed everything.

Hindi ko na alam kung saan napunta ang lahat ng respeto ko para sa kaniya. Ang galit lang ang nangingibabaw. Iyon lang ang mahalaga sa akin sa oras na iyon.

“H-How did you let her do this?!” I roared as I tightened my grip on his collar. Ramdam kong puputok na ang ugat sa leeg ko sa sobrang gigil kong suntukin siya.

But suddenly, Riz’s face flashed in my mind. Her beautiful, angelic face.

She would never want me to be like this.

Ayaw na ayaw niyang nakikita akong nagiging marahas. Natatakot siya sa ganitong ako. My wife only wants me to be kind and gentle.

Gentle…

“Hindi ko… alam. H-hindi ko alam na aabot siya sa ganito, Seth,” nanginginig niyang sagot. “I was so sure she would never do this because I knew she loved his son. But… fuck. I’m so sorry.”

Nagtagis ang bagang ko. I was ready to rain punches on his face when someone grabbed my arm.

“Stop it, Seth. My sister won’t like this,” pigil ni Damian, mahigpit ang hawak sa akin.

I don’t know where to put all this anger.

Gusto kong magbasag. Gusto kong may masaktan.

Fuck. Maurice. Try and dare to touch her. Just try. Hurt her and you’ll know exactly what I’ve been dreaming of doing to your fucking body.

Mas lalong humigpit ang hawak ko sa tiyuhin kong dati kong tinitingala. Siya ang taong gusto kong sundan ang yapak. The strong, loving man full of principles was now reduced to this.

“Tangina!” sigaw ko bago ko siya padarag na binitawan.

He coughed as he looked at me, defeated. Wala na ang tapang, wala na ang laban. Pareho na kaming nasa pinakailalim ng buhay namin. Pareho kaming may kailangang iligtas. Isang taong mahal namin nang higit sa lahat.

I ran a hand through my hair. Nanginginig ang mga daliri ko habang nakatalikod sa kanila.

Hindi ako umalis sa tabi niya para umabot sa ganito. Tangina. Pinangako ko na hindi ko na ito hahayaang mangyari ulit. Pero bakit ganito? Bakit nangyari pa rin?

What a useless piece of shit.

“Fuck!” Malakas kong hinagis ang bote ng alak na nadampot ko mula sa mesa. Tumama iyon sa pader at nagkalasog-lasog sa sahig.

“I… It’s my fault, nephew. I’m sorry. But my son was with them too. I can’t let anything happen to Sander,” mahina niyang sabi.

“Eh putangina mong duwag ka!” sigaw ko habang humaharap sa kanila. “Kung hindi ka sana nagpadala sa kahinaan mo, wala tayo sa ganitong sitwasyon!”

I couldn’t control myself anymore. Nawawala na ang katinuan ko, kasabay ng respeto ko sa kaniya.

I’m really sorry, wife. Your man is bad.

“I know,” mahina niyang tugon.

“Seth, calm down. Buddy.” Si Ruinji na iyon.

Tinapunan ko lang siya ng matalim na tingin. Alam kong kapag nagsalita pa siya, baka sa kaniya ko maibunton ang galit ko.

“I already ordered my men to find them,” dagdag ng tiyuhin ko. “They’re out there now. I’ll make this right. I will fix this for my son.”

“You fucking should!” sagot ko bago ko dinampot ang phone at wallet ko sa mesa at nagmartsa palabas ng kwarto.

Hindi ako puwedeng mawalan ng kontrol.

Pasalamat na lang talaga at nandoon si Damian. May nagpapaalala sa akin ng mga bagay na ayaw na ayaw ng asawa ko.

Dapat inasahan ko na ito.

Masiyado akong naging kampante. Naging pabaya. Kahit alam ko kung anong klaseng tao iyon. Ilang beses ko na siyang tinakot. Ilang beses ko nang pinalayo.

Maybe I should have killed him.

Thrown his body into the deepest part of the ocean.

I should have.

Kaya kahit anong galit ang baling ko sa tiyuhin kong tinubuan ng bayag ang utak, hindi ko magawa dahil alam kong may naging pagpapakabaya rin ako. Kung naging totoo lang ako at hinayaan na lang sa kaniya si Sander, siguro hindi na ito mangyayari. Pero ano pa ba ang magagawa ko? Hindi ko kayang alisin ang kislap at saya sa mga mata ni Riz tuwing kasama niya si Sander. Ang anak ko. Ang tinuturing niyang anak namin.

I already knew Sander’s true identity. He wasn’t mine. He was my cousin. My fucking uncle fucked that bitch just because he had feelings for her, without knowing that lunatic was using him to plant the roots for her plan. Tanginang babae ‘yon. Baliw na baliw sa akin.

I fired continuously at that bitch’s body, my hand gripping the pistol hard. My jaw clenched, my sight blank and dark.

He fucking dared to shoot her. Fucking shit. She shot her.

Tangina mo, Maurice! Tangina mo!

“Seth!” Someone called my name, but I couldn’t control myself. My body felt numb. I didn’t feel anything anymore. In that moment, I knew there was nothing left.

One shot.

Two shots.

More shots.

I emptied the magazine of my Heckler & Koch USP, the first pistol I ever owned, the gun I promised myself I’d use only to kill this bitch.

Through my blurred vision, I saw Damian grabbing the gun from me. He threw it somewhere, but I didn’t care. My mind had left me, leaving only cold numbness.

Two of our men held me still.

“Seth, bro. Stop now. She’s dead. You butchered her,” Damian said, his voice full of fury and hunger.

“B-Bro… Si… A-Ang asawa ko,” I stammered, my voice trembling.

Damian’s eyes widened, and then he was gone from my sight. I panted, battling the numbness and coldness inside. I had to go to her, to my wife.

“Fucking let me go!” I screamed, struggling against the two men holding me. I crawled to her, finding her tied up and drenched in her own blood.

Behind her, Sander was crying, calling out for Mama Riz.

“W-Wife.”

“P-Princess… w-wake up.”

I never prayed in my life. I never begged for anything. But at that moment, I released everything inside me—the guilt, the anger, the desire, even my will to live if it meant saving her.

My breathing was heavy and deep. My body was numb. There was no hope left, yet I continued because of Riz. Because of my wife.

I prayed, even though I never did before. I knelt, begging him to give her life a chance, even if it meant I would be erased from her world. I was ready to sell my soul to the devil if it would save her.

It was my fault. I was selfish and greedy. Because of my obsession with her love, this happened. If it weren’t for me, Maurice would never have targeted her. The bitch’s attention would never fall on her.

It was all me. All along. The crazy, obsessed mayor.

Weeks passed. I stayed by her side, going back and forth from the church, kneeling, worshiping, praying. I prayed that she would survive. That even after everything, I would leave her life alone. After everything, I realized she was better without me. All of this happened because of an asshole like me. I had to watch from afar. I had to follow her life without being in it. Even if it hurt me, if it saved her, I would choose that. I wanted her safe. I wanted her happy. I wanted her to never feel this pain again.

Kaya kahit mabigat sa dibdib, wala akong magawa kundi lumayo. I busied myself with work, pouring my focus into things that could distract me. I couldn’t let myself think about what she might want in life, because after all that happened, I realized love couldn’t be forced. Love wasn’t meant to hurt or trap. Love should be light, comforting, and fulfilling.

I finished every project I had started, completed everything my team proposed. I immersed myself so deeply that all that remained was exhaustion and rest—not in her arms, but under a cold, lonely blanket in my room.

Days turned to weeks, then months, then years. I barely had time for myself. I focused only on growing the business. My brother Sylas graduated and became a licensed engineer. My youngest sibling, Sebastienne, entered senior high. And through all this, my mother never stopped nagging about me getting married and starting a family. I barely listened.

“God, Adriel, my son! You’re not getting any younger! You’re almost out of your thirties! Go out there and get married already!” she shouted one morning when she caught me in my office.

“I told you, Mom. I don’t have time for that. I’m done—”

“You’re done because of her? Anak, I know you’re traumatized by what happened with her and that Maurice asshole, but you can’t trap yourself in the past. There are good things waiting for you.” She walked in front of my desk, like a child throwing a tantrum.

“And one of those good things is to get married and have a family?” I asked, looking up from my MacBook.

“Yes!” she said loudly, crossing her arms and pouting.

I chuckled and dropped the reports I was holding—contracts and projects from our engineers and architects. I watched her sulk like a little girl. Cute.

“Mom, I know you just want me to be happy, but I am happy with what I have, with the things I am doing. I don’t have time for a relationship or for building a family. Lalo pa’t palagi akong busy. Ayokong masaktan ang pamilya ko kung wala akong oras para sa kanila,” I reasoned. Hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang beses ko na itong nasasabi sa kanya.

Totoo naman, wala talaga akong oras. Alam kong kapag nag-asawa ako at bumuo ng pamilya, masasaktan ko lang sila dahil nasanay na akong ibaon ang sarili ko at ang oras ko sa trabaho nitong mga nagdaang taon. I know I can change, I can make time for them. The truth is, I also want to build my own family, my own life with them. To have a household that I will protect. But every time I thought about what happened between Riz and me, it all shattered like a glass—broken into pieces, leaving behind a fear I never imagined I’d feel.

“Busy? Or is it because of her?” Mommy’s voice was serious now.

Nahinto ako. Parang tinamaan ako ng kidlat.

“I am busy, Mom.”

“No, that’s not the reason. You once liked someone back then, Adriel, nung namatay ang unang nobya mo. And now, you’re like this because you lost Riz.” She hit a spot I couldn’t ignore. She walked across my desk and stood beside me. She looked down at me with those soft eyes.

Napalunok ako, and parang may matalim na tumusok sa dibdib ko. Fuck. She always knew how to pin me down.

“Mom…”

She cupped my cheeks, her eyes shadowed with sadness. “Son, I know you love her, but what can we do if the person we love is not meant for us?” She asked. Hindi ako nakasagot, hindi dahil hindi ko alam ang sagot, kundi dahil ayokong tanggapin. Putangina, kahit gusto ko nang tanggapin, hindi ko pala talaga kaya.

“We need to accept it and move forward, to find what’s meant for our lives, to find the purpose and what we really deserve,” she continued. My shoulders squared as I tore my eyes from hers. I looked down at my hands resting on my legs and let out a deep sigh.

“Son… I didn’t do this just because I wanted grandkids. No… I’m doing this because I’m tired of seeing you in pain, longing for someone who will never be yours. All I want is to see my sons happy and at peace.”

Gusto kong pabulaanan siya, na hindi na magiging akin si Riz. But my mom has a point. I can’t put myself in front of her and watch her like that again… because of me.

“But I am happy.”

“Are you at peace?” she countered.

Hindi ulit ako nakasagot. Napatitig lang ako sa kanya. Alam kong nababasa niya ang nararamdaman ko sa mga mata ko. Tangina… ganoon na ako kadaling basahin. That’s what my wife did to me. She molded me into someone soft and kind, someone I never thought I could be.

“Please… free yourself from this madness. Go and find your life. It’s out there, not here, in these four corners of this room,” she said softly. And in that moment, tuluyan akong naging malambot at basag sa harap niya. My tears welled up, and seconds later, they fell, streaming down my cheeks.

Niyakap ako ni Mommy, gently rubbing my head. I never thought I could cry like this in front of her. I didn’t expect it. I thought over the years, I was okay, that I had healed and accepted what happened between Riz and me. But I was wrong. Masakit pala. Nasasaktan pala ako, at hindi ko pa rin pala talaga matanggap.

Oo… I really can’t accept why we can’t just be together until the end without danger coming to her. Bakit hindi pwedeng maging maayos at mapayapa para sa akin? I’ve been good, kind to others. I’ve helped people who needed it. I gave my best to achieve things that I knew were for the betterment of my people. Kaya bakit, despite all that, I still have to let go just to keep her safe? Hindi… I really can’t accept it.

Mom held me in her embrace, not saying a word, letting me cry like a small child. I thought her barging into my office would be like the usual nagging, having no effect on me. But it wasn’t. She made me realize something I thought I had swallowed and accepted long ago—but I hadn’t.

Thanks to my mom, my chest felt lighter in the days that followed, as if a heavy weight had been lifted. Pero kahit gano’n, I still maintained my routine, keeping myself away from news about her—about what she was doing, or if there was someone new. Even the slightest news from Damian made me crawl back to her, kneeling, begging for a chance to be in her life again.

For the next few months, my life became work, accompanying Damian, and home. I thought it would continue like that until I ran out of breath. Not until Damian suddenly opened up about his sister, which was unusual.

“She changed a lot, bro. She became a different person,” he said one night at the bar we always went to for surveillance.

Who was he talking about? Is it her? My… my wife.

“What? Who are you talking about?” I asked, keeping a facade that I didn’t know who he meant.

He shifted his gaze from the dance floor toward me. Something dark and sad reflected in his eyes. His forehead furrowed.

“Don’t fuck with me, bro. I know you know who I’m referring to,” he hissed, chugging his drink. My heartbeat accelerated. I felt nervous and anxious, wanting nothing more than to pull him close and force him to tell me everything.

“What’s up with… her?” I trailed off, my eyes shifting away from him.

“After she woke up from her deep sleep, it was as if she had become a different person. Naging tahimik at parang nawala ang kislap sa mga mata niya. She’s my only sister, and even though we’ve only been together for a short time, I can already tell right away if something has changed in her, if she has a problem, or if she’s carrying something heavy. I know it, bro, and I am telling you something has changed.” Aniya at tumitig sa walang laman niyang baso.

Napalunok ako dahil sa narinig at parang may kung anong kirot ang naramdaman sa aking dibdib. Something has changed in her… Does that mean she’s also forcing herself to forget me, to forget what we had? Is she trying to move on from me? Is that how it is?

Fuck! Kahit pakiramdam ko sobrang ilusyonado akong tao kung gano’n ang naiisip ko, ay parang gumagaan ang pakiramdam ko. Na para akong nabubuhayan ng loob. I felt like I was some lap dog that was so thirsty for the things I missed about my master… About her.

“I know you’ve moved on from what happened between the two of you, and to be honest, I am at peace with that. But seeing my sister changed and became the person that she is not. Then, I will not choose the peace from it.” Dugtong niya bago magpa-refill sa barback.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit imbes na malungkot at masaktan ako ay parang may kung anong nagdidiwang sa tiyan ko sa aking nalalaman. Napakasama ko na talaga atang tao at kung bakit ganito na lamang ang nararamdaman ko matapos malaman na gano’n ang nangyayari kay Riz.

“I thought she’d be happy without me? That she will be safe and be successful without me in her life?”

Pagak na natawa si Damian sa tabi ko. “She is successful, Asshole. Don’t think highly of yourself. I was saying that she’s changing into someone she’s not. But she is… Successful.”

I rested both of my elbows on the counter and looked at him, yet my ears were only focused on Damian’s voice.

Napailing ako dahil sa turan niya.

“Iba ang pagkakakilala ko sa kapatid ko. Hindi siya gano’n… She’s transparent yet not vocal. Her eyes were the window to her emotions and her thoughts. But I’m telling you, that version of her is no longer there. It was like she was being possessed or something. ”

Itinuko ko ang aking mukha ang napapatitig sa baso. I licked my lower lip as I contemplated everything that I heard from this fucker. Silence devours the space between the asshol and me. He stopped talking, so did I.

The choice I made for us wasn’t because I wanted it. Hell, if I don’t need to make a wise choice, I will keep myself hanging around her. I will stay by her side and be with her even if she continues to push me away. Dahil para sa akin, wala na talaga akong hinahangad na iba kundi ang makasama lang siya.

I made that choice to protect her, to keep her away from harm, even if it destroys me little by little… Years by years.

Pero dahil sa mga naririnig ko kay Damian ay pakiramdam ko ang desisyon at ang taon na nawala sa amin ay parang nasayang lang… Na para bang ginawa ko lang iyon para sa wala. She changed… Damian said she changed…

Habang palalim nang palalim ang gabi, pahaba rin nang pahaba ang oras na inilagi namin do’n bago nagpaalam si Damian.

Damian patted my shoulder. He stood beside me, still on the counter of the bar. Napaangat ang tingin ko sakaniya.

“I will not do this because I accept you as my brother-in-law.” aniya na ikinasalubong ng aking mga kilay.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m doing this shit because I don’t want to lose my sister if I keep standing by my choice. This is not about my choice of a man good for her, but for her sake and well-being. Get her back, Seth.” He demanded. Ang mukha niya ay nakatingin pa rin sa kung saan habang ang kamay niya ay naiwan sa aking balikat.

Namilog ang mata ko at tila nagpanting ang tainga ko. Something flocked inside my stomach as the excitement gushed inside of me. Fuck! Did I hear it right? He is asking me to get his sister’s back… In my arms?

Hindi naman sa inaabangan ko ang permiso niya, ngunit ang marinig iyon mula sa kapatid ng babaeng mahal na mahal ko… Na mahal na mahal ko pa rin hanggang ngayon ay parang isang tunog ng kampana mula sa pintuan ng langit.

Hearing him say this thing, something pushed me to get her back. Kahit buo na ang desisyon ko, matagal na na hayaan na lang siya at magpatuloy sa buhay na wala ang isa’t isa.

Kaya ang sumunod na mga araw ay sobrang saya ko. Para akong nakahithit ng kung ano dahil hindi mapunit ang ngiti sa mga labi ko. Kapansin-pansin iyon na kahit mga empleyado sa kumpanya ay nahihiwagaan na akong tingnan tuwing makakasalubong nila ako sa pasilyo. That request from his brother was enough for me to be life-filled and motivated like I was being reborn.

Hindi ko rin naman din sila masisi kung titingnan o iisipin nilang baliw na ako. Because maybe it was indeed true, that I am crazy… Crazy enough for her.

Kaya pati ang psychiatrist na humawak sa akin ng pribado ay nakita ang pagiging masigla at pagbabago sa akin. The old Adirel, who was grumpy, silent, and so stoic, was no longer in me, it was replaced by a friendly, sunny, and more than energetic Seth.

“Whoa! You seem more energetic than ever! You even become friendly-looking, Mr. Del Prado.” She said after we took our seats.

I smiled widely as I looked at her playfully. “What do you mean? I’m always like this, Dra.”

Sa tatlong taon na lumipas, marami rin akong sinubukan na baguhin at aralin. Isa ro’n ang paggalingin ang mayro’n sa aking utak. Ang akala ko kasi dati ay normal lang ang mayro’n ako para sakaniya. Na mahal na mahal ko lang siya kaya gano’n. But little did I know that what started as simple curiosity, this need to know her more, would slowly turn into something darker. Something I couldn’t control.

Obsession.

At doon ko lang iyon naintindihan… nang sa kaniya na mismo nanggaling. I remember the way she looked at me—her eyes filled with fear and disappointment, na para banv ibang tao na ang kaharap niya. And that broke me.

Doon ko unang naramdaman na may mali na. Na hindi na ito pagmamahal. Because love shouldn’t make someone afraid of you. Parang sa isang iglap, nagising ako. As if her eyes shattered whatever illusion I was holding onto. Unti-unting nawala ‘yung paniniwala ko na tama pa ‘tong ginagawa ko.

And she was right…

This isn’t normal. It needs treatment.

Hindi sapat ang “kaya ko ‘to” o “lilipas din ‘to.” Because it won’t—hindi kung wala akong gagawin. That… I realized that it was another reason to stay away…

Kaya lumayo ako. Not because I stopped caring… but because I finally understood that staying would only hurt her more—and destroy me completely.

Kasabay ng paglayo ko ay ang pagbabago na pinili kong gawin. I sought professional help. I talked to people who understood what I was going through. They helped me see my patterns—kung paano ako unti-unting nalulunod sa sarili kong isip.

They taught me how to pause. How to sit with the urge without acting on it. How to separate love from control. They told me healing isn’t instant. Na hindi mawawala agad ‘to. But it can be managed. They also suggested support groups—people who felt the same, who struggled the same way. At doon ko na-realize… hindi pala ako nag-iisa. And maybe… that’s where it starts.

Not in forgetting her. But in choosing to finally fix myself—even if it means letting her go.

“Thank you for accepting my invitation, Adriel.” Aniya. Nakatingin lang siya akin ng matamis at nagniningning ang mga mata.

I know that look, and I am well aware that Dra. has feelings for me. Hindi naman sa pagiging feeling o kung ano man. Alam na alam ko rin naman na guwapo at kaakit-akit akong tingnan, at huwag nalang din talagang itanggi pa. Pero hindi rin naman ako naging kulang sa pagpapaala sa kung ano lang kaya ko ibigay sa kaniya.

I’m also aware of the articles and rumors about us—that something romantic is going on, just because we’re often seen together in public or at exclusive parties. Amanda understands that, and I know she’s a proper and discreet kind of woman. She’s very professional and always makes sure that the boundaries between us are never crossed.

I didn’t dare to clarify it for the sake of my image, for her. Because for me, my image wasn’t important and those people who loved to make other’s business a bigdeal because that satisfies their fantasy were not important to my life.

What’s only important to me is my wife. She’s alone. And I didn’t bother to post anything or release a statement for it just to let her know that those rumors aren’t true. Because if heaven allows us to meet our path again, I can explain everything to her… Without lies and barriers.

“It’s nothing, Dra.”

Her brows furrowed yet there’s a smile on her face.

“‘Yan na naman sa Dra. na ‘yan. We’re outside and out of the facility so…” She trailed off.

“No, I like it better when I’m being professional.” I smiled as a repel.

Tinaasan niya lang ako ng kilay bago naiiling na tumingin sa menu.

“Being playful again, Adriel?”

“No, Dra.”

Amanda and I became friends. And I always make sure that the boundaries between us are clear. I’m upfront about what’s between us, and I only see her as my friend—or more like a sister. She understood that.

But sometimes… the understanding that exists between two people doesn’t exist for the people around us. For those who only know us by name or by profession. Even for those who are close and dear to us, misunderstandings can still happen.

Kaya nung makita kong galit na galit si Riz, basang-basa ang mga pisngi habang pinapanood kami, doon ko lang na-realize… nagkamali na naman ako. Nasaktan ko na naman siya, kahit wala akong parte at wala akong alam na gagawin iyon ni Amanda.

Because Amanda kissed me in that fucking parking lot? That was planned. She knew about Riz. She knew exactly how much I loved Riz. And she always preaches to me about what I need to do to get her back.

Pero kahit ganun, hindi ko maiwasang magalit at makaramdam ng inis sa ginawa niya dahil wala akong kaalam-alam sa balak niya.

I accompanied her to that fucking club because she said she wanted to tell me something. And yes, she did tell me… that Riz was there. With some people. And that fucking Hidalgo.

Kahit alam kong nasa ligawan pa lang kami, ay hindi ko maiwasang makaramdam ng inis at selos nang makita ko silang dalawang magkatabi. Na para bang bumalik ako sa hukay ng nakaraan at dilim ng pagiging obsess sa kaniya… O baka nga hindi talaga ako gumaling at parang naitago ko lang iyon sa kaloob-looban ko.

I was supposed to be the one who has grudge here… But suddenly, she turned the coin into something with different sides. She’s the angry one and I am the one who at her mercy.

“You fucking liar and a cheater!” She screamed as she pulled my collar away from Amanda, and the next thing I knew, my face was now facing the other way. She slapped me. It wasn’t hard. Hindi iyon masakit, ngunit sa pamamaraan ng kaniyang pagsambit at mga salitang lumabas sa kaniyang bibig ay parang mas sumakit pa iyon.

May kung anong kaba ang lumukob sa akin. Takot, hindi para sa sarili, kundi para sa kaniya na baka hindi na niya ako bigyan ng tsansa. This… this is not what I planned to do… Hindi ito ang pinlano na mangyari ngayong gabi. I went here to guard her. To watch her closely. Hindi ang mahuli kami na ganito.

It was Amanda’s fault! She planned this! Hindi niya naman kailangang gawin iyon dahil lang sa gusto niyang makita kung mahal pa ba ako ni Riz. Alam na alam ko ‘yon! Alam kong mahal ako ni Riz. Ako lang. Wala nang ibang lalaki kundi ako lang.

Nanginginig ang kamay kong sinubukan na abutin siya, ngunit umiiling lamang siyang humakbang palayo sa akin. The moment I watched her step back away from me made my eyes grow wider, and my heart hurt.

“W-Wife—”

“D-Don’t fucking call me that! You liar!” She shouted her lungs out of anger and pain. At katulad no’n, ang mga mata niya ang susi para malaman kung ano ang nararamdaman niya. And now, just by looking at her eyes, I knew I fucked up.

Hindi ko alam na sinundan niya kami dito sa parking lot. Hindi rin naman ako magtatagal at ang akala ko ay busy siya ro’n sa Hidalgo na iyon! I thought that she didn’t know I’m here…

Tangina! Ihahatid ko lang naman si Amanda sa sasakyan niya para makauwi na siya at pagtapos ay babalik ako sa loob para bantayan siya mula sa gagong iyon. Hindi ito ang inaasahan ko.

I tried to tame her. I tried to explain. Kaso sa tindi at nagaalab na sakit at galit na umaapoy sa kaniyang mga mata ay para akong natutupok. Ganito ako katiklop sa kaniya. Sa bawat galaw, sa bawat galit na nararamdaman ko mula sa kaniya ay para akong nanliliit. Hindi dahil sa wala akong ibubuga, kundi dahil alam kong talo ako sa kaniya.

Na sa bawat minuto ang lumilipas na galit at umiiyak siya sa harap ko ay ganun na rin ang unting unting takot na nilalamon ang loob ko. That’s the chance she gave to me to court her, to prove myself to her that this time around, our story will be different. That it is the perfect one… Perfect time. Will be down to the grave.

Ramdam ko ang panginginig sa takot ng kalamnan ko habang patuloy kong sinusubukan na suyuin siya.

Kaya gano’n na lamang ang paglambot at pagtibok ng puso ko nang sabihin niyang naniniwala siya sa akin. Na may pag-asa pa rin. I felt like I was floating in a cloud when I saw how the anger and pain in her eyes vanished. Na makita kong paniwalaan na niya ako at… Ako pa rin talaga.

Kaya sobrang saya ko… Triple sa saya na nararamdaman ko nang sabihin sakin ni Damian ang gusto niyang mangyari… Pakiramdam ko walang titibag sa kasiyahan ko kahit pa sinabi niya na kailangan ko pa rin manligaw sa kaniya.

I did that… I courted her. I’m willing to be her suitor for as long as she likes. Even though someone tried to court her, to ask for her hand. Hindi ko magawang makaramdam ng selos. Hindi lang dahil sa ayaw kong magalit siya sa akin at dahil lang kaya kong kontrolin na ang sarili ko. Kundi dahil alam ko at malaki ang tiwala ko sa nararamdaman ni Riz para sa akin.

“What do you like to eat, Wife?” I asked her gently while I was looking at the menu. Ito ang isa sa sikat na restaurant na pagmamay-ari ng kababata namin ni Sylas… Ang pagmamay-ari ni Alana.

She glared at me again for the nth time already. I chuckled, which made her frown more. Nagtatampo kasi siya sa akin dahil hindi ako nakatawag sa kaniya kagabi. Nakatulugan ko na kasi siya dahil sa pagod ko sa pag-aasikaso sa bahay na pinapatayo ko para sa amin dalawa. It was my new secret. My hidden desire.

My desire to build the house that will shelter our future… Together as husband and wife. Her as the mother of my future children, and me as the husband and father of the house.

“My wife is still mad at me, huh? What should I do to tame my wife? Do I need to kiss her or something, hmmm?” I teased, yet my voice sounds so gentle.

Kita ko ang pamimilog ng mga mata niya at ang pamumula ng kaniyang mga pisngi kahit pa mabilis niya iyong naitago sa pagbusangot niya.

“Hindi mo ako madadaan sa ganyan mo, Seth.” Aniya, sabay nguso ng labi. “But I want buttered shrimp and sisig.” Pahabol niya na ang ikinatawa ko. Hindi raw gagana, pero gusto na naman ang luto ko.

“How about the kiss?” I teased as I watched her face turn red.

“K-Kiss ka diyan. Pagkain ang pinunta rito, hindi ang maglandi, ha!”

Humalakhak ako sa kaniyang turan, kaya bumusangot na naman siya. Naasar na panigurado.

“Then, should we leave and go to my condo instead?” I asked.

“I’ll cook your favorite.” Dugtong ko.

Umiling siya bago nagpakawala ng hininga. Dinampot niya ang menu at namili rin. “What did you order, ba? Sabi mo sa kababata mo ‘to na… Trans din?” Aniya habang tumitingin sa menu. Kita ko pa ang pagsulyap niya sa akin ngunit nang makitang nakatitig lang ako sa kaniya at nanonood sa bawat galaw niya ay mabilis niya tinakpan ang mukha niya gamit ang menu.

I chuckled as I rested my chin on my hand. “Yeah, this restaurant is owned by my friend, Alana. She’s a transwoman.”

“Trans din pala siya tulad ko. Kung gano’n, di ka na bago sa mga katulad ko? Eh, bakit ganoon na nalang ang reaksyon mo noong narinig mo ang pag-uusap namin ni Jenny noong nasa coffee shop kami?” Pag-uusisa niya.

I remember that. I leaned on the backrest of the chair. Sinuklay ko ang buhok ko pataas bago ko binasa ang pang-ibabang labi.

Alam ko naman talaga una palang na trans si Riz. Nga lang, sa tindi ng pagmamahal ko sa kaniya at sa takot ko noon dahil sa mga banta ni Maurice. Gusto ko lang din na mapalabas na hindi ko nagustuhan ang katotohanan dahil alam kong may nakasunod sa akin at nanonood sa bawat galaw ko. That fucking woman and her crazy spy! They’re watching me. Kaya hindi ko napigilan ang naging reaksyon ko sa nalaman. I didn’t intend to scare her with how I looked that time.

“Alam ko naman talaga na trans ka, Wife. I was just… That time when I heard about your conversation with your friend, Maurice ordered some of his men to watch me. She’s spying on me. And to protect you, and your friend, I need to make her believe that I didn’t know that you’re trans and not biologically a woman.” Pagpaliwanag ko. Kita ko ang pagbaba niya sa menu na tinitingnan at ang pagtingin niya sa akin. Alam kong tinitimbang niya ang hitsura ko kung nagsasabi ba ako ng totoo.

“We? Eh bakit sa pinapakita ng mga mata mo no’ng panahon na iyon ay parang hindi totoo umaacting kalang?”

I chuckled. I leaned closer to the table and looked at her softly. “No, wife. I was just really acting. Galing ko ‘no?” I wiggled my brows to teased her. She just rolled her eyes back at me.

“Ulul!” Aniya. Na ikinatawa ko nang malakad. She looked at me with her eyes rounded. Ngunit may multo na ngiti sa mga labi.

“Gagu ka! Ang ingay mo! Nakakahiya sa mga customer dito!” Saway niya. Hell! I care! I was happy because of my wife. They don’t have a say about it.

“I don’t care about them. I’ll laugh when I want, especially if it’s because of my adorable wife.”

“Bulero! Diyan ka magaling, ang mang bola.”

“Dalang dala ka naman ah.”

“Oo kaya dalang dala ako kasi alam mong gagana ‘yan sa transwoman. Ganiyan siguro ginagawa mo no’n sa mga tunay na babaeng nilalandi mo sa tuwing gusto mo kumarat.” Geez! Here we go again. My wife and her techniques to find a way to make us fight.

“No! Hindi ako ganito no’n at hindi sa mga tunay na babae. Stop with that totoong babae mo, Wife. Because to me you’re a woman. My woman.” Saad ko bago siya kinindatan na ikinapula na naman ng kaniyang pisngi.

Kinilig na naman ang misis ko.

Araw-araw ko siyang kasama. Hindi lumilipas ang isang araw na hindi ko siya nakikita. I can’t stand a day without seeing her. And feel her skin with mine. Palagi kaming magkasama dahil alam kong gusto rin niya. Kaya kahit nagsimula na siyang magturo sa eskuwelahan ay sinisigurado kong magkasama kami. Hatid sundo ko siya. Araw-araw. Walang mintis. At alam ko rin naman na ayos na ayos sa kaniya iyon.

I love seeing her happy and watching her do what she loves. Teaching is her passion, it was her calling at suportado ko siya ro’n. Hindi ako naghihigpit, ngunit sinisigurado kong ligtas siya sa mga bagay na gusto niyang tahakin.

I told myself that I will never be like the old me. The very jealous and obsessed, Seth. Her Seth. Iniiwasan ko na ang magselos at maging sobrang clingy sa kaniya. Pag kami nalang dalawa.

Masaya ako sa lahat na nangyayari… At ganun din ang mga taong nakapalibot sa amin.

Ngalang minsan ay di ko na namamalayan na lumalabas na pala ang pagiging seloso ko lalo pa’t nang isang beses kong makita na kasama niya ang isang lalaking guro rin sa paaralan na pinagtuturuan niya.

They were talking as they went towards the canteen of the school. Malayo palang ay tanaw na tanaw ko na ang imahe ni Riz. She’s small against that man. Wala namang ikakabuga sa kagwapuhan ang guro na kasama niya, ngunit di ko mapigilan na magselos nang makita ko kung paano niya hawakan sa baywang si Riz nang sinubukan niyang umiwas sa grupo ng mga lalaking estudyante na nagtatakbuhan palabas ng canteen.

Sabi ko sa sarili ko, sanay na ako sa mga lalaking sumusubok sa kaniya. Sabi ko, kampante ako, pero walang may karapatang humawak sa kaniyang ibang lalaki kundi ako lang.

I swiftly go to where they are. “Wife…” I called them.

Mabilis na bumaling sa akin ang kanilang katawan. Riz, in her uniform, so beautiful and angelic as ever, looked at me, surprise in her eyes.

“Seth.” She went to me with a wide smile on her lips. Huminto ako nang masalubong ko siya.

Namumungay niyang tinanaw ang katangkaran ko. Ngumiti rin ako sa kaniya.

“What are you doing here? It’s too early to pick me up.” Galak niyang tanong.

Nagkibit-balikat lang ako. “I missed my wife, what am I gonna do?”

Namula ang kaniyang pisngi habang titig na titig sa akin. She even bit her lower lip.

Tumingin ako sa guro na kasama niya na kanina pa nanonood sa amin. His eyes were shocked and wandered as he watched me claim what’s mine. Who you?

“Uh… Seth, this is Sir. Constantino, MAPEH teacher.” Pagpapakilala niya sa akin.

Ha! A MAPEH Teacher. Maangas akong tumango sa kaniya.

“Sir. Constantino, this is Seth…” She trailed off. Ngumiti sa akin ang guro at inilahad ang kamay niya.

“Nice to meet you, Sir. Constantino.” Akmang kukunin ko na ang kamay ng guro para makipagkamay nang maputol iyon sa ere dahil sa sumunod na sinabi ni Riz.

“My husband…” Dugtong niya na ikinabaling ko sa kaniya. Her face is all red. Mabilis niyang iniwas ang kaniyang mga mata dahil siguro sa gulat kong paninitig sa kaniya.

My heart pounded so hard inside my chest that I could hear the trumpets of heaven ringing in my ears. She said what? Fuck! Am I heard it right? She introduced me as her husband.

“Oh! You two are married. Just as I expected from a beautiful woman. Nice to meet you, Mayor.” Anang ng guro, kahit bakas pa rin ang gulat sa kaniyang mukha. Hindi ako agad nakabawi dahil sa kilig na namumutawi sa loob ko.

I never expected a guy like me to feel this giddy just from hearing him introduce me as his wife. I felt like I was flying. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever heard in my entire life.

Fucking shit! I think I’m getting a boner right now.

Kung hindi pa ako tutusukin sa baywang ni Riz ay hindi pa ako masasauli sa aking narinig. Kami na… Ako na ulit ang boyfriend niya. I have the seat again, even though I know it was still mine all along.

“Sinabi ko lang iyon dahil alam kong nagseselos ka. Seloso ka pa naman.” At subok niyang pang-aasar sa akin. But little does she know, no matter how much she teases me, it won’t even touch the happiness I’m feeling.

Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay ngunit may ngiti pa rin na naglalaro sa aking labi.

“Really?”

“Oo kaya. Feeling mo naman agad!” Aniya at itinuon ang tingin sa labas ng bintana. Nakapark na ang sasakyan ko sa harap ng bahay nila at may mga tauhan na rin na nakabantay sa amin sa labas.

“Eh bakit namumula ‘yang pisngi mo kung gano’n?” Hamon ko na ang ikinabaling niya sa akin na namimilog ang mga mata habang ang magkabilang kamay ay nasa pisngi.

“H-Huh? H-Hindi kaya! Imbento ka—”

I swiftly kissed her lips. Mas lalong namula ang mukha niya at natutula sa akin.

“See! You’re all red!” I teased her more. Hinampas niya ang dibdib ko bago tinakpan ang mukha gamit ang dalawa palad.

Tumawa ako at sinubukang alisin ang mga kamay niya sa kaniyang mukha.

“Bwisit ka! Ang galing galing mo talagang mang landi!” Aniya habang pulang pula ang mukha.

“Oo kaya landing landi kita. Baka misis ko ‘yan.”

We’ve been inseparable. Halos araw araw kaming magkasama. Sa bawat oras na may pagkakataon. Everyone who surround us knew about our relationship. It wasn’t the secret they thought I was hiding before. Kasi kailanman hindi ko itinago ang pagmamahl ko sa kaniya at ang relasyon na mayro’n kami no’n. Bobo lang taoag sila at ang mga media na nakamata sa akin.

Damian was happy and at peace. Na sa tuwing nagmemeeting kami para sa mga proyekto niyang binabalak sa bayan ay may magaan ng awra ang mulha niya na para bang ang malaking pasanin na iniisip noya ay wala na.

“Bro!” Damian greeted me. We fist bumped. Ruinji and the other men are behind him. Wearing the same attire but in a different style and color.

“Brother!” I grinned at them. Nasa isa kaming pribadong party. Kasama ko ang kapatid niya na aking partner sa lahat na lugar na aking pinupuntahan.

His eyes turned soft from being playful when he looked at her sister whose hand was clinging to my arm.

“My baby girl!”

“Kuya!” Kumalas sa pagkakahawak sa aking braso si Riz at yumakap sa kaniyang kapatid. Humalik naman si Damian sa kaniyang ulo.

Tumagal ang yakapan nila ng ilang minuto na animoy ilang dekada silang hindi nagkita. Nang kumalas mula sa pagyayakapan ay bumalik si Riz sa pagaangkla ng kaniyang kamay sa aking braso at pasimpleng sinuri ang paligid.

As what I expected, her possessive stance and look appeared when she learned that women are looking at us… At her sexy, hot, and handsome husband.

To ease her under the rock jelousy, I snaked my arm around her waist possessively as we went to our designated table after we had a chat with Damian and the boys.

At habang papunta kami sa table ay hindi maiwasan na mapahinto kami dahil sa mga taong bumabati at nakikipagusap sa amin. Everyone knows her as the long-lost daughter of the Del Fuego. Everybody didn’t treat her badly.

Dapat lang. Dahil kung mayro’n ay ako ang unang makakabangga nila. No one mess with my woman, with my wife.

Three more years had passed before we finally put our boyfriend ans girlfriend era to an end. Dahil nang magpropose ako sa kaniya noong kaarawa niya ay hindi ko inaasahan na o-oo siya. She said yes!

My fucking wife finally said yes!

In front of her family, mine and everyone who we held dearly in our hearts, she finally said yes to me. Para akong matatae, maiihi at masusuka nang sabay-aabay habang sinusuot ko sa kaniya ang gintong singsing na may nakaukit ng pangalan namin dalawa. It was made of pure gold, with small diamonds attached to its smooth and slender surface. Below it, our names were engraved.

Tangina! Susubok lang naman sana ako pero hindi ko aakalain na papayag siya. Okay lang sa akin na tumanggi siya dahil kaya kong maghintay kung kailan siya papayag. For me, I can wait for all eternity for her to say yes to my proposal. For her, I could accept how many rejections. Fuck the shame, pain, and my ego. Those are just a mere word for me. Her, being ready and more prepared was more important to me.

Kaya kong maghintay kahit gaano katagal. Dahil ang pagpapakasal sa akin ay hindi minamadali. Iyon ay pinapanahon, pinaghahanda nang may pag-iingat at pasensya.

“This will be the last day that she will be your girlfriend, buddy. Promise me that you will protect my sister at all costs… That you’ll love her through hell and heaven.” Damian asked me, his voice tinged with a mix of sadness and happiness.

I smiled at him as I nodded my head boyishly. “Yes, bro… I’ll promise. Kahit naman hindi mo iyan sabihin, gagawin ko pa rin naman.” Mayabang ko saad. I grinned as I scanned the whole church where we chose. Marami na ang nakaayos at nakapwusto sa kani-kanilang upuan.

Maganda ang itsura at buhay na buhay ang loob ng simbahan. Mas buhay na buhay at ramdam ang pagmamahal at pagtanggap.

He raised a brow as he tilted his head darkly. “Eh sa kailangan ko pa rin iyan sabihin, gago ka!”

“Damian, your mouth!” Saway ni Tita Emilia sa kaniya. Natawa naman ako at sina Ruinji, kasama ang tatlo dahil sa kaniya.

He looked like a 3 year old kid getting scolded by his mom.

Nagsalubong ang kilay niya ngunit may mapaglarong ngiti ang sumisilay sa labi kahit pilit niyang pinigilan.

Nang magsiupo na ang lahat at nang magsimula ang kasal ay halos himatayin ako sa kaba. Kakaibang kaba ang naramdam ko nang mag-umpisang tumunog ang piano na ang tunog ay ang kantang ‘A thousand years’ by Christina Perri. Kabang may bigat, ginhawa at saya.

Bigat dahil handa akong yakapin ang paninidigan bilang kaagapay niya sa buhay hanggang sa kabilang buhay. Ginahawa dahil sa kabila ng mga nangyari sa amin dalawa, ay ganito pa rin ang naging dulo ng aming kwento. Saya dahil sa lahat ng bigat ng kasalanan na nagawa ko sa mundo at sa mga tao ay binigay niya pa rin ang hinihiling ko.

Napigil ko ang hininga ko nang bumukas ang malaking pintuan ng simbahan at unting unting sumilay ang imahe niya suot ang puting wedding dress at puting veil. She’s like a god damn saint, a goddess.

Sa bawat marahan at supistikada niyang hakbang papalapit sa altar… Sa akin, ay para siyang may puting awra na nakapalibit sa kaniya. Sa bawat metrong nababawasan, ay parang mas naglalaho ang mga tao sa paligid at tanging kami nalang.

My breath even hitched the moment I held her arm, and guide her in front of the priest.

“Dearly beloved, family, and friends,” Pagsisimula ng pari.

The whole church become silenced, no one dared to talk. Even the birds and insects didn’t even dare make a sound, it was as if they knew that the moment were special and sacred, not just for me, but to everyone.

“We are gathered here today in the presence of God to witness a moment that is both sacred and deeply human. A moment where two lives, with all their stories, hopes, and imperfections, choose to walk forward as one. Marriage is not simply a celebration of love that is easy or convenient. It is a promise made in full awareness of life’s uncertainties. It is choosing one another not only in days of joy, but also in moments of doubt, weakness, and quiet struggle. It is in these moments that love becomes real.”

Riz’s held my hand tightly, which made me looked at her. Her eyes were bloodshot as she listened to the priest in front of us.

I know, wife. You’re happy and nervous. I am too.

“Today, we are not just seeing two people stand before us. We are witnessing a commitment that asks for patience, forgiveness, understanding, and faith. A love that will grow, not because it is perfect, but because it is nurtured every single day. As we begin this ceremony, let us take a moment to be present. To remember why we are here. To honor the love that has brought them to this place, and to pray that it continues to guide them in all the days ahead. Let us begin.”

I never used to pray. I never worshipped anyone, not even the God above. But because of her, my wife, the mother of my future children, I learned how.

Because of her, I found something worth believing in. Not just in Him, not just in her, but in the kind of love that changes you.

My transwoman. My Riz.

And now, I choose to devote my life to that love, the love I have for her, for my Riz.

I am the sinner, the devil and she was the angel who saved me from my own evil. She raised me and pulled me towards the light. She’s the clarity that woke me up from my anger, from my demise.

For the years I lived, I was in the darkness. Living in anger, and revenge that I planted as a seed in my life. A seed that I nurtured and helped grow.

But she saved me.

“I stand here today knowing I am not the same man I used to be.

There was a time when I did not believe in much. Not in fate, not in promises, not even in love that lasts. I kept my world small, safe, and guarded. Then you came into my life, and without forcing anything, you changed it.

You taught me how to be patient. You showed me a kind of strength I had never understood before. With you, I learned how to listen, how to stay, and how to love with and without fear.

I know the world has not always been kind to you. I know there were moments you had to be strong when you should have been protected. I cannot change your past, but I promise you this. From this day forward, you will never have to face anything alone again.

I promise to stand beside you in every season of our life. In the quiet days, in the hard days, and in the days where everything feels uncertain. I promise to protect your heart, to respect who you are, and to honor the life you have fought so hard to live.

You are my home. You are my courage. You are the love I never thought I deserved but somehow was given.

I vow to choose you, every day, in every way, for the rest of my life.

My wife. My future. My everything. My obsession.” I tried hard not to even cry but my feelings conquered me. Pumatak ang mga luha sa aking mata na siyang mabilis pinunasan ng aking asawa.

Her eyes were all red as she looked and listened to my vows for her. Namamasa ang mga mata, habang may ngiti at masaya ang kaniyang mukha.

Sa gilid namin ay ang paring nakangiti at buong tuwang tinatanggap ang pag-iisang dibdib namin. Ang mukha niya ay walang bahid ng panghuhusga, pandidiri at pagkasuklam.

Sa kabilang gilid namin ay ang mga taong nagmamahal sa amin ni Riz. Mga nakikinig na mataimtim, dinadama ang mahalagang pangyayari. Na sa kanilang harapan ay pinag iisang dibdib ang dalawang taong nagmamahalan ng may buong pagtanggap.

She sniffed before she pointed the mic in front of her lips. And she said. “I stand here today, looking at you, and I still can’t believe that I am loved like this.

There were times in my life when I questioned if I would ever be enough. If I would ever be chosen, fully and without hesitation. I have known what it feels like to be doubted, to be misunderstood, to be seen but not truly accepted. But you… you saw me. Not just parts of me, not just what was easy, but all of me. And you stayed.

You loved me in a way that made me believe in myself again.

You held my hand when I was afraid, you listened when I had no words, and you reminded me, again and again, that I am worthy of love. Because of you, I no longer question my place in this world. I know where I belong. I belong with you.

You may not be the perfect man, but you chose me and every day you push yourself to be better for us.

Yes, you may have lied and chosen to hide things from me. But I see those not as flaws, but as your pain and your scars. They do not make you imperfect, they make you human and they make me love you even more.

I promise to stand by your side, just as you have stood by mine. I promise to be your peace when the world feels heavy, your strength when you feel weak, and your home when you feel lost.

I promise to love you honestly, patiently, and without fear. To grow with you, to learn with you, and to build a life that is filled with kindness, respect, and truth.

You are not just the man I love. You are the reason I kept going. You are the answer to every silent prayer I never thought would be heard.

Today, I give you my heart, fully and freely, with no more doubts and no more fear.

My husband. My safe place. My forever. My Upong Violet.” She added my dump account’s name, which made the crowd laugh between their tears of Joy.

Parang bininyak sa halong sakit at tuwa, sa hirap at sa ginhawa ang aking puso habang pinapakinggan ko siyang sabihin ang panata niya sa akin. I cried in front of her, in front of everyone, and in front the almighty god. But I didn’t care. Because she only made me this naked and bare. To be the vulnerable.

Kabila no’n ay hindi namin maiwasang matawa.

“By the power vested in me, and by the love you share, I now pronounce you husband and wife.”

A hush fell over the place. Our hearts pounded. The only sound was the soft clicking of cameras, capturing the moment.

“And to seal this sacred marriage in front of your families, in front of everyone, in front of the god, you may now kiss your bride.” The Priest announce. Everyone cheered—the wind, the birds, and the people who were here with us.

I pulled her close to me by her waist. She lowly shrieked, smiling, and her eyes were glowing.

“Beautiful as ever. I love you, my wife.” I said before closing our distance, sealing the moment with the sacred and obsessive kiss.

I felt the world tilt and then settle, all at once, the moment our lips seperated after the passionate and devoted kiss. It was nothing like I imagined and everything I never knew I needed. All the doubts, the anger, the fears, they melted away into something softer, something real.

Looking at her now, the way her eyes glimmered with trust and love, I realized I had been searching for her all my life without knowing it. She is my beginning and my home, my chaos and my calm. And in that simple, sacred kiss, I promised myself I would spend every day worthy of her, every breath deserving of her love.

For the first time, I understood that love is not about perfection. It is about choosing each other, over and over, even when we are broken. And I would choose her again tomorrow, and the day after, for the rest of my life.

THE END.

COVEEEEN

Author’s Note

First of all, thank you so much to everyone who supports me throughout the journey of Seth and Riz’s Story. I didn’t expect much, but seeing my story get attention made my heart explode with happiness.

To my two sisters, for always being there to celebrate every little achievement—reads, votes that this story reached.

At first, I was writing this story without any solid plan, plot, or ending. It was just all a blur and my urge to ease the pain from slowly losing my mother to a grave illness. All I aimed for was to keep myself from crumbling down and turning into ashes. It was all just a mere illusion I made for myself.

But when I saw how it gained readers, and supporters. That mere illusion turns into compassion. A goal, a new hope for me to rise and live. The days under the darkness that I felt hopeless, turned into a chance of hope to rise above that darkness.

The readers’ continued support is the reason why I have made it this far. Without them, I was just still writing as that broken writer with a pained mind and heart.

Thank you so much for my co-writer—to ate
SGVnssa
who is always there every time I lose hope and feel like quitting. Thank you so much for motivating me, uplifting me, and always saying how I became the light of the trans community. Without you and the other authors in our community, I may not have pushed myself hard.

Completing this story is just not a story with a period on the end. It was fulfillment, a medal, and a trophy. A written proof that I once lost, became lifeless, and even walked in the dark alone.

Again, thank you so much!

See you in my next story.

His Unrealistic Wife.

—COVEEEEN