The Pregnant Virgin

PROLOGUE

“Anak, paglaki mo magiging madre ka, ha?”

“Opo, mama.”

Bata pa lang ako iyon na ang madalas na sinasabi sa akin ni mama, dahil mabait na anak ako at hindi ko pa naiintindihan ang mga bagay na yun noon umu-oo na lang ako. Lumaki ako sa isang relihiyosong pamilya. My mother was a devoted Marian and my father used to be a seminarian. Hindi natuloy ang pagpapari ni papa dahil nga nakilala niya si mama. He first saw mama singing in the church choir and instantly fell in love with her. Sa simbahan sila nagkakilala at nagligawan. Napagdesisyunan ni papa na lumabas ng seminaryo para kay mama at hindi nagtaggal nagpakasal sila at nagkaroon ng isang magandang anak na pinangalanan nilang Marian. Kahit na hindi natuloy ang pagpapari ni papa, he still served God in his own way.

Bata pa ako ng mamatay si papa. Volunteer siya noon sa isang Catholic Mission kung saan pumupunta sila sa mga liblib na lugar sa Pilipinas o sa mga bundok para tulungan ang mga taong hindi nakakaabot ng tulong mula sa gobyerno at para na rin ikalat ang salita ng Diyos. Pauwi na sila mula sa kanilang misyon ng mahulog sa bangin ang sasakyan nila.

Nang mamatay si papa napagdesisyunan ni mama na mas maganda kung ipagpapatuloy ko ang nasimulan na ni papa. She wanted me to be a nun

Kaya ito ako ngayon, the 18 year old me in front of the convent. Ibinaba ni mama mula sa likod ng kotse ang travelling bag kung saan nakalagay ang mga damit ko. Konti lang ang damit na dinala ko, mga underwear lang at bra dahil may uniform naman daw kami sa kumbento.

Humarap sa akin si mama at ngumiti. She cupped her face with her hands. “Kung buhay lang ang papa mo, he’ll be so proud of you.”

Pinilit kong ngumiti. Was this the life I really wanted? No. This was what she wanted for me. Bata pa lang ako kinundisyon niya nang magiging madre ako.

Pumasok kami sa kumbento at binati kami ng isang madre. Dinala niya kami sa isang opisina kung saan sila nag-usap ni mama sandali bago siya nagpaalam sa akin.

“Anak, magpapakabait ka ha?” Naluluhang sabi niya sa akin.

“Opo, ma.” S agot ko . Like I have a choice. Wala naman pwedeng gawin dito sa kumbento kung hindi magpakabanal.

She kissed me on the forehead and left. Dinala ako ni sister Abigail sa isang kwarto na may dalawang kama. Sa isang kama, may nakalatag ang isang puting tela at sa bintana naman ay nakaupo ang isang babae na may hawak na bible. She was wearing a black dress over a white shirt and and a white veil. She smiled sweetly at us.

“Good morning, sister Abigail.” Bati niya sa madre.

“Good morning, sister Betsy.” Nakangiting sabi ni sister Abigail. “Ito nga pala si sister Marian ang bagong room mate mo.”

“Hi, sister Marian.” Ngumiti siya sa akin.

“Hi.”

“Sister Marian, siya si sister Betsy.” Pakilala ni sister Abigail. Pagkatapos niya kaming ipakilala sa isa’t isa, sinabi niya sa akin na kailangan ko daw isuot ang uniform na nasa ibabaw ng kama,

“Muntikan na yun.” Natatawang sabi ni sister Betsy bago niya inabot ang sigarilyo na nakalapag sa gilid ng bintana.

“Ano’ng ginagawa mo?” Tanong ko sa kanya.

She inhaled the cig and chuckled. “Gusto mo?” She offered me her cig.

Umiling ako. Hindi naman ako marunong magsigarilyo.

“Pwede ba yan dito?” Tanong ko.

“Itatago ko ba ito kung pwede?” She said, smiling. Nagpalit na ako ng damit and I wore the same outfit sister Betsy was wearing. Maya-maya ay tinawag na kami ni sister Abigail para kumain. Pagkatapos namin kumain, pinaglinis kami ng buong kumbento. Masyadong old fashioned ang kumbentong ito kaya kinailangan ko pang punasan ang sahig gamit ang mga kamay ko. Pagkatapos naman namin maglinis nag-rosary at nag spiritual reading kami.

“Marian…” Nagising ako ng may kamay na umalog sa balikat ko. Napabalikwas ako at nakita ko si Betsy.

“Bakit?” Tanong ko. I was still half asleep.

“Baba tayo.” Aya niya.

“Saan tayo pupunta?” I asked.

“Basta.” She answered, grinning. Hinatak niya ako patayo sa kama. Dahan-dahan kaming lumabas ng kwarto. It was dark and quiet outside. Bumaba kami sa hagdan at pumasok sa isang kwarto. Two other girls were already in there. I had met them earlier, sila si sister Rose at sister Andrea.

“Hi, Marian!” Bati sa akin ni sister Andrea.

“A-anong ginagawa natin dito?” Tanong ko.

“We’re going to have fun.” Sagot ni sister Rose. Napakunot ang noo ko. Inilabas ni sister Andrea ang dalawang bote ng wine.

“I-ce-celebrate natin ang pagpasok mo dito sa kumbento.” Sabi ni sister Betsy. Inilabas din nila ang sacramental cup at naglagay ng wine doon. God, I didn’t know may mga ganito palang nangyayari sa loob ng kumbento. I thought everyone was holy here.

“Blood of christ.” Natatawang iniabot sa akin ni sister Betsy ang cup. I stared at it for awhile bago ko kinuha iyon mula sa kanya. Pinainom nila sa akin iyon hanggang maubos ko ang laman ng cup.

We drank, talked and had fun. Maybe life in the convent isn’t so boring after all.

“Hallelujah!” Napatingin ako sa may pinto kung saan nanggaling ang boses na iyon. It was sister Abegail and she was at the door.

“It’s raining men! Hallelujah, it’s raining men. Amen.” Natatawang kanta ni sister Andrea habang nagsasayaw. She was already tipsy, siya ang may pinakamaraming nainom sa amin. And she didn’t know it was sister Abegail dahil nakalikod siya sa pinto.

Namumutlang napailing ako sa kanya at tumingin kay sister Abegail. Everyone looked at the direction I was looking at. Their faces turned pale.

I got kicked out on my first day in the convent. Kinabukasan ay pinatawag nila si mama at agad niya akong sinundo.

Chapter One

“So ano’ng nangyari sa date mo?”  Excited na tanong ni Betsy pagkaupo ko pa lang sa table kung saan ako dinala ng receptionist. Tinitigan nila akong tatlo ni Andrea at Rose habang hinihintay ako na magsalita.

I frowned at them. Sino ba naman ang matutuwa sa ginawa nila? Last night, they set me up on a blind date without telling me! They told me to meet them at a restaurant pero pagdating ko sa restaurant wala sila doon. Instead, I was greeted by a tall, handsome guy named Osmond. Okay na sana eh. But the guy was too obnoxious. Our conversation was bad, ninety percent of it detailed his partying habits and his sex life. He even went too far as to tell me that he had caught an STD but ‘everything’s cleared up now’ .

“Oh, come on, it’s not that bad.”  Sabi ni Andrea ng ikuwento ko sa kanila iyon.  “Everything’s cleared up now.”  She jokingly said. Nagtawanan ang tatlo. Their laughter died down when I looked at them with a serious, annoyed face.

“Well, guys will be guys.”  Rose shrugged her shoulders. 

“Don’t ever do that again!”  Inis na sabi ko.  “God, it’s so self degrading.”

“We’re just trying to help you. You’re not getting any younger, Marian. Twenty-eight ka na at hindi ka pa nagkaka-boyfriend.”  Andrea said in a calm voice while playing with her food with a fork.

“What’s so degrading about that?”  Rose rolled her eyes.  “Hay nako, Marian. Kung hindi ka rin lang magboboyfriend o mag-aasawa sana itinuloy mo na ang pagiging madre mo.”

“Hindi pa naman huli para bumalik ka sa kumbento.” S abi naman ni Betsy

I shook my head. I didn’t want to go back to the convent. I knew I wasn’t cut out to be a nun. I wanted a family. I really did. I wanted a loving husband and wonderful children. Hindi pa lang siguro dumadating ang tamang lalaki para sa akin. Hindi kaya ito na ang kabayaran ko sa pagtalikod sa pagiging madre? Maybe I’d die an old maid. God, please, no…

Pero bakit sila, they already had their own family. Si Betsy, may asawa at anak na. Rose just had a baby with her live in partner and Andrea got married last year. Ako pa nga ang nakasalo ng bouquet sa wedding niya pero hanggang ngayon single pa rin ako. Never been touched and never been kissed.

“May problema ba sa akin?”  Tanong ko sa kanila.

They all gave me a weird look as if they couldn’t understand what I just asked them.

“Pangit ba ako?”  I asked again.

“No, of course not. You’re beautiful.”  Agad na sagot ni Rose.

“Mabait naman ako, di ba?”  I pouted.

“Super.”  Andrea answered.

“Eh bakit hanggang ngayon hindi pa ako nagkakaron ng boyfriend? What’s wrong with me?”  I said, frustrated. 

“Nothing’s wrong with you.”  Sabi ni Rose.  “I know it sounds cliche but love will come to you when you’re no longer looking for it. Maybe you just haven’t met the right guy for you.”

After finishing our lunch and catching up with each other, nagpaalam na kami sa isa’t isa. Si Betsy kailangan sunduin ang anak niya sa school, si Rose pinabantayan lang sandali sa nanay ng ka-live in partner niya ang baby nila para makipagkita sa amin at si Andrea naman kailangan ng umuwi dahil pauwi na ang asawa niya galing sa trabaho. They had someone to go home to, people who would care about them, listen them. I didn’t have any of those. I just had myself. Wala na si mama, she passed away a long time ago. I was alone.

I climbed to my car and started driving. I didn’t want to spend my weekend by myself again in front of the tv watching chick flicks and drowning myself with self-pity. I didn’t want to do this for the rest of my life.

Tick

Tock

Tick

Tock

I could already hear the ominous sound of my biological clock ticking. I needed someone! Anyone!

I was lost in my thought long enough for my eyes to skip a frame and missed what was happening around me. Nagulat ako ng bumangga ang kotse ko sa likod ng kotse sa harap ko. 

Seth’s POV

I stepped on the brakes as I reached the red light and before I even came to a halt, I felt a jerk from behind with the sound of metal crashing against metal.

Shit!

I wasn’t hurt or anything but my car! My fucking car! I knew there’d be a huge damage. Napahigpit ang hawak ko sa manibela ng kotse ko. Does that stupid moron knew how much this car was worth? I was so angry I felt like I was going to sponteniously combust.

I quickly slid out of the car, angrily cussing to myself as I approached the ancient car that looked like it was digged out of King Tut’s tomb. Great! Mukhang wala pang maipangbabayad ang driver ng kotseng ito. I furiously knocked on the window of her car and she turned her head to me. She had a confused look on her face as if she was taking in what was happening and that confused look turned into shock. I impatiently motioned her to lower down her window and she did.

 

“I-I’m sorry!” Iyon ang unang lumabas sa bibig niya.

 

“Are you alright?” Tanong ko sa kanya.

She slowly nodded her head. 

“Why did you fucking hit my car?”  Nagbalik ang inis ko.

“H-hindi ko sinasadya. Bigla ka kasing huminto.”  She said in a small voice.

“Are you kidding me? Ako pa ang sisisihin mo ngayon?”  I said in disbelief.

She bit her lower bottom and God was she teasing me? How I wanted to do it for her. My muscles tightened and my jaw clenched. I wouldn’t let a pretty face move me. Did she think I would let her get away with what she did to my car just by doing that?

“By doing what?”  She asked with her brows furrowed.

Did I just said that out loud?

“Nothing.”  I shook my head, slightly embarrassed.  “Let me see your license.” 

“Huh?”  She looked at me dumbfounded.

“I said let me see your fucking license.”  I said, impatient and irritated.

Napakurap siya.  “You don’t need to shout!”  She said in an annoyed tone.

“I have every rights to shout because you fucking ruined my car.”  Paalala ko sa kanya.

She gave me a nasty look before turning her head to the passenger’s seat and angrily rummaging through her bag that was sitting on it. Then she got out of her car. She was petite, her head barely reached my shoulder.

“O, ayan, antipatiko ka!”  She said shoving her license on my hand.

I gave her a glare that must have intimidated her because she quickly recoiled and then I turned my attention to her license. Her name was Marian Faith Perez. I calculated her age from her date of birth, she was twenty eight years old, not as young as she looked. And she lived a few miles away from here.

“May insurance ka?”  Tanong ko.

She shook her head. I breathed out an annoyed huff. I was so fucked. 

“Well, someone sure as hell’s going to pay for the damage to my car.”  She couldn’t even afford a good car or an insurance, how was she going to pay for my car?

“Huwag kang mag-alala babayaran kita.”  She rolled her eyes at me.

“Really? Baka nga kahit ibenta mo yang kotse mo hindi mo mababayaran kahit pagpapagawa ng gasgas sa kotse ko.”  I said in an undertone. 

“Alam mo ang yabang mo talaga.”  Inis na sabi niya.

“I’m just being honest miss…”  I looked at her license again, pretending to forget her name but I just didn’t want her to know that I’ve already memorized everything that was written on it.  “Perez.”

“Wala kang karapatan maliitin ako! Hindi porke ba maganda yang kotse mo may karapatan ka ng mangmaliit ng tao. Kayo talagang mayayaman akala niyo lahat ng tao pwede niyong tapak-”  She stopped mid-sentence when a police officer walked towards us.

“Ano’ng nangyari dito?”  Tanong ng pulis.

“Ito kasing babaeng ito,”  I looked at her and scowled.  “Binangga ang kotse ko.”

“Bigla-bigla ka kasing huminto.”  Dahilan niya.

“If you’d paid attention you wouldn’t  have crashed into my car.”  I said matter-of-factly.

“Sumama na lang kayo sa akin sa istasyon para makapag-file kayo ng accident report.”  Sabi ng pulis. Sumunod kami sa kanya sa police station sa hindi kalayuan. He started taking our statement at the station.

“I told you officer, he suddenly stopped kaya nabunggo ko yung kotse niya.”  Giit ng babae.

“Natural, titigil ako kasi red light.”  Sabi ko naman.  “Saang driving school ka ba nag-aral, miss, at hindi mo maintindihan na kapag red light ibig sabihin stop.”

“Antipatiko ka talagang lalaki ka, kanina pa akong nagtitimpi sa’yo.” 

“Ikaw pa ngayon ang nagtitimpi?”  I chuckled sarcastically.  “Wow, thank you miss Perez, salamat sa pagtitimpi mo.”

She opened her mouth and was about to say something, probably another bitchy remark, but the officer was quick to stop her. I shook my head as I looked at her. Ang ganda niya sana eh, huwag lang bubuka ang bibig. 

“Pwede bang tumigil muna kayo para kayong mga batang hindi magkasundo.”  Sabi niya. Nang makuha na ng pulis ang statement namin ay pinayagan na niya kaming umalis. She was the first to stand up from her seat and walk away. Agad ko siyang sinundan.

“Miss Perez.”  Tawag ko sa kanya ng nasa harap na siya ng police station. She frozed and it took her awhile to turn.

“Yes?”  She said with her chin held up.

“Can I have your number?”  I asked.

She paused for awhile with a surprised look on her face. “Sorry, I don’t give my number to strangers.”  What? Was she thinking that I was hitting on her.

I rolled my eyes.  “Hindi ako interesado sa’yo. I need your number so I can contact you para sa kotseng nabunggo mo.”  I reminded her.

“Oh… bakit? Wala naman akong sinabing interesado ka sa akin.”  She said, obviously trying to save face. She gave her number to me and I put it in my phone.

Chapter Two

This chapter is dedicated to one of my favorite readers @alegnagger 

Promise God, magpapakabait na ako. Bigyan niyo lang po ako ng love life. Binabawi ko na yung sinabi ko noon na gusto ko ng mala-Brad Pitt, mayaman, matipuno, mabait at maalagang boyfriend. Kahit average looking na lang, kahit hindi mayaman basta kaya akong buhayin, basta matinong lalaki pwede na. Sige na naman, Lord. Napapaglipasan na ako ng panahon. Ako na lang ang walang pamilya sa amin magkakaibigan. Baka mag-menopause na ako hindi pa rin ako nagkakaron ng boyfriend.

Naalantana ang pagdadasal ko ng may umupong magnobyo sa harap ko. Umakbay ang lalaki sa girlfriend niya at nag-usap pa ang dalaw. Kayo na, kayo na ang may love life. I rolled my eyes. Ginawa pang Luneta itong simbahan. Nag-sign of the cross na ako at tumayo mula sa pagkakaluhod.

Kalalabas ko lang ng simbahan ng biglang tumunog ang phone ko. I rummaged through my bag for my phone. Nang makuha ko iyon ay tinignan ko ang screen, isang hindi pamilyar na number. Naisip ko na siguro nagpalit na naman ng number ang isa kina Rose kaya sinagot koi yon.

“Miss Perez.” I heard a voice of a man at the end of the line. Aba, ang bilis naman sagutin ni Lord ang dasal ko.

“Sino ’to?” Tanong ko.

“I’m Seth. Ang may ari ng kotseng binangga mo a few days ago, remember?” He asked. Napasimangot ako. Yung impaktong hambog na iyon! Akala mo kung sino, porque maganda ang kotse niya at gwapo siya at mabangon siya feeling niya pwede niya na akong maliitin. “I’m outside your house.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. Nasa labas siya ng bahay ko? “Paano mo nalaman kung saan ako nakatira? Stalker ka, ’no?”

Narinig kong tumawa siya sa kabilang linya. “Dream on, miss Perez. Nasa akin ang driver’s license mo kaya alam ko kung saan ka nakatira.”

Kaya pala hindi ko makita ang license ko dahil nasa impaktong iyon pala. Naalala kong kinuha pala niya sa akin iyon para tignan pero hindi niya na binalik. Hindi ko na binigyan pansin ang pagkawala ng license ko dahil wala na rin naman akong kotse. Binenta ko na ang kotseng iyon at syempre dahil may sira na lalo pang bumaba ang value. Matagal ko na gustong ibenta ang kotse ko dahil nag-iipon ako ng pera para sa pagpapatayo ng boutique. Pero dahil sa aksidenteng nangyari lalo mukhang malabo pang manyari iyon.

“Ano bang ginagawa mo d’yan?” Tanong ko.

“Kailangan natin pag-usapan ang mga babayaran mo sa pagpaparepair ng kotse ko.” Sabi niya. “Where the hell are you?”

I let out an annoyed huff. Gastos na naman! “Hinatayin mo ko. Pauwi na ako.”

Ibinaba ko ang phone at tumawag ng taxi. Malapit lang ang bahay ko sa simbahan kaya wala pang sampung minuto ay nakauwi na ako. Nakita kong nakaparada ang isang blue na convertible car sa harap ng bahay ko at nakababa ang hood nito. Prenteng nakaupo ang lalaki sa loob ng kotse. Huminto ang taxi sa harap at napalingon siya sa gawi ko. Nagtama ang mga mata naming at nakasimangot na tinignan niya ako. Binayaran ko ang driver at bumaba ng taxi.

“Kanina pa ako naghihintay dito.” He said, getting out of his car. Sa tono ng pananalita niya parang kasalananan ko pa.

“Malay ko bang pupunta ka. Sana man lang, di ba, nagsabi ka?” Inirapan ko siya. “Paano pala kung galling pa ako sa malayo.”

“Yeah, nice to see you too, Miss Perez.” He said, sarcastically.

Tumaas ang kilay ko. “So, mag-usap na tayo.”

“Hindi mo ba ako aayain sa loob ng bahay mo, aalukin ng maiinom?” He said.

“Fine.” Umikot na na naman ang mga mata ko. Naglakad ako papunta sa pinto at nakasunod siya sa akin. Nilabas ko ang susi ko at binuksan ang pinto ng bahay. He went inside my house like it was his own and immediately sat on the sofa. Ang antipatiko, mukha ngang mayaman wala naman manners. Tinaas pa ang paa niya sa coffee table ko.

“Pakibaba po ng paa mo d’yan dahil hindi naman yan foot rest.” Umikot na naman ang mga mata ko. Mabilis naman niyang ibinaba ang mga paa niya at kumuha ako ng basahan para punasan ang table.

“OC.” Mahinang sabi niya.

“Huh?” Napahinto ako sa pagpupunas at nag-angat ng tingin.

“Sabi ko ang obsessive compulsive mo.” He rolled his eyes.

“Hindi ako OC” I finger quoted the word ‘OC’. “Ang dumi-dumi ng sapatos mo tapos ipapatong mo sa coffee table ko.”

“Huhulaan ko, wala kang boyfriend, ano?” He smirked and stood up. Huminto siya sa picture table sa gilid at hinawakan at tinignan ang isa sa mga picture frame doon.

Naningkit ang mga mata ko at sinundan siya. “Keep your hands off my things!” Sabi ko at binawi sa kanya ang picture frame. Inilapag ko iyon sa eksakto niyang pwesto bago kinuha ng lalaking ito.

“That’s what’s wrong with you. You’re too uptight kaya siguro wala kang boyfriend.” He said.

Pumamewang ako. “Hoy! Sino ka para pakialaman ang love life ko at sino naman ang nagsabi sayong wala akong boyfriend?!”

“Kung may boyfriend ka bakit wala kang picture niya? Nasaan siya ngayon?” He smiled an annoying smile.

Hindi ako nakasagot dahil wala naman talaga akong boyfriend. I did my best not to pout. Meron bang nakasulat sa noo ko na ‘No boyfriend Since Birth’ o ‘Wala akong boyfriend’ na hindi ko na kikita?!

Lalong lumaki ang ngiti ng loko. “How old are you? Twenty-eight, twenty-nine? Sa ugali mong yan, hindi tatanda kang dalaga. Nobody wants an OC nagger for a girlfriend. You’re going to be one of those crazy cat ladies stroking their pussies and wishing someone was stroking theirs!”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa sinabi ng lalaking ito! Mahabaging Diyos! It sounded so obscene. “Bastos! Wala kang modo! Dapat sa’yo pinagmumumog ng holy water!”

Tumawa ang lalaki. “Chill, I was just kidding.”

“Chill? Chill mo mukha mo! Upo, umupo ka dun!” Inis na sabi ko sabay turo sa couch. Natatawang naglakad ang hudas pabalik sa couch at naupo. “Pag-usapan na natin ang dapat pag-usapan para makaalis ka na dito.”

“Hindi mo muna ba ako aalukin ng coffee.” Tanong niya.

“Wala akong coffee. Hindi ako mahilig magkape.”

“Who doesn’t have coffee in their house?” Tinignan niya ako na parang hindi siya naniniwala.

“Ako. I’m a tea person. Ayoko ng kape. Mahilig ako sa mga tea-tea.” Taas ang kilay na sagot ko.

He grinned as he nodded his head. “I see. Yan naman talaga ang gusto ng mga babae… Masarap naman ba ang mga natitikman mo?”

Why was this idiot grinning? May nasabi ba ako? Nanlaki ang mga mata ko ng maalala ko ang huling sinabi ko. Well, that came out wrong… “Ang dumi ng isip mo!” I got a throw pillow at hinagis ko iyon sa kanya. Mabilis niyang nasalo iyon bago pa tumama sa kanya. “Bastos ka! Lumayas ka dito!”

Lalong lumakas ang tawa niya. “Hindi mo ako pwedeng palayasin dahil kailangan pa natin pag-usapan ang mga kailangan mong bayaran sa akin. Why don’t we just go to a coffee shop and talk it over some coffee? You can have your tea-tea there.”

Namula ang mukha ko. This mouth of mine! “Fine…” I said. Mas magandang sa coffee shop na nga lang naming pag-usapan ito dahil baka hindi ako makapagpigil at kumuha ako ng kutsilyo sa kusina at isaksak iyon sa lalaking ito.

“Ano?! Four hundred thousand pesos?” Halos mabuga ko ang tea na iniinom ko ng marinig ko ang halaga ng kailangan kong bayaran sa sira ng kotse niya. Pwede na akong makabili ng bagong kotse sa halagang iyon. “Tell me your kidding. Halos nadaplisan nga lang ang kotse mo.”

“Do you have any idea how much my Lamborghini costs? And it’s limited edition.” Sabi niya. “Kung hindi mo kayang bayaran iyon then I suggest you hire a lawyer. Ipadadala ko sa’yo ang bill ng lahat ng ipinagawa ko sa kotse bilang katibayan.”

“Sandali, baka pwede naman natin pag-usapan yan. Meron naman akong naitagong konting halaga sa bangko. Ibabayad ko sa’yo iyon lahat.”

“How much do you have?” His brow arched.

“One hundred thousand pesos pero huhulughulugan ko naman yung kulang. Bigyan mo ko ng mga five years.” Sabi ko.

“You’re really going to need a lawyer.” He nodded his head.

“Seth!” Hinawakan ko ang mga kamay niya. “Please, Seth… pag-usapan natin ito. Pwede akong magtrabaho sa’yo habang hinuhulugan ko yung utang ko sa’yo.”

“Hmm…” He looked at me, scanning me from head to toe. His eyes paused on my chest and I felt the urge to cover my slightly exposed cleavage. Ngunit bago ko pa nagawa iyon ay ibinalik niya ang tingin sa mukha ko. “Handa ka ba tumanggap ng kahit anong trabaho?”

Napalunok ako. “A-ano bang trabaho ang iniisip mo?”

Baka naman pimp pa ito ng mga high class na bayarang babae.

“You’ll be working for me.” Tumaas ang isang sulok ng labi niya.

“Ano ngang trabaho?” Pilit na tanong ko.

“Malalaman mo kapag sumama ka sa akin.” He said in a low voice. “Sa katunayan niyan, may trabaho na nga akong ipagagawa ngayon sa’yo. Gusto mo bang sumama sa akin?”

I hadn’t realized I was already nodding my head. Hindi ko alam kung dahil iyon sa nakakaakit na boses niya o ano. It was so hypnotizing, so alluring. Nang mapapayag niya ako ay mabilis kaming umalis sa coffee shop papunta sa kotse niya. Nakaupo na kami sa kotse niya and he was about to start the car ng hawakan ko ang braso niya.

“Sandali, sa- sa’yo lang ako magtatrabaho, di ba?” Paninigurado ko.

“Sa akin lang. Tayo lang dalawa.” He smiled. Dahan-dahan kong binitiwan ang braso niya at napabuntong-hininga.

He started the car. I chewed on my lower lip as I gazed at him, his eyes fixed on the road. Kung ang iniisip ko nga ang gusto niyang mangyari, hindi na masama. He was a drop-dead handsome man, maganda ang katawan… Pasimpleng humugot ako ng hininga para maamoy siya, yummy… Sino ba naman ako para tumanggi? Baka ito na lang ang chance ko para ma-experience ito. Baka nga tumanda na akong dalaga pero at least nakatikim naman ako ng ‘luto ng Diyos’ na sinasabi nila. At sa gwapong lalaki pa.

Lord, patawarin niyo po ako sa gagawin ko.Babae lang ako, marupok. Mahinang dasal ko. Biglang tumingin sa akin si Seth.

“Ready ka na ba?” Tanong niya at hinawakan ang isang kamay ko. Alam kong naramdaman niya ang panlalamig nito dahil sa nerbyos.

Tango kanga ng naisagot ko.

Ipinasok niya sa parking lot ng condo ang kotse niya. It was a high-end condo, halatang puro mayayaman ang mga nakatira. Sumunod ako sa kanya papasok ng building at sumakay kami sa elevator. Inakbayan niya ako at bumaba ang mga labi sa tainga niya.

“Ihanda mo ang sarili mo. Papagurin kita.” He whispered to my ear.

“Seth…” I sighed.Oo, ninenerbyos ako pero mas excited ako. Huminto ang elevator sa floor na pinindot niya at lumakas ang kabog ng puso ko, halos marinig ko na nga ito. We stopped at that one and only door on that floor. He got out his key and pushed the door lever down and the door opened. Nauna siyang pumasok at parang napako ang mga paa ko sa labas ng pinto niya. Lumingon siya sa akin ng mapansin sigurong hindi ako sumusunod sa kanya.

“Halika na.” He said and took my hand. He shoved me inside his unit and in front of him. Hinawakan niya ako sa magkabilang braso at binulungan, “Gusto mo bang matikman ang tea ko?”

“Seth…” That was all I could say.

“Gusto mo ba, Marian?”

“Oo…” Mahinang sagot ko.

“Kumuha ka sa cupboard. Pagkatapos nun, linisin mo na ang buong bahay.” Sabi niya at binitawan ako. He opened the lights at nakita ko ang kalat sa buong unit niya. He walked past me laughing like a maniac. Napaawang ang mga bibig ko sa gulat at namula ang mga pisngi ko.

Chapter Three

Marian’s POV

Asshole. He’s an asshole! I bit my cheek to keep myself from saying those words out loud. Nakaupo ako ngayon sa mesa at pilit na inuubos ang tea na hindi ko halos malunok. Nakakahiya! Ano ba ‘tong mga pumapasok sa utak ko? Who knew a virgin could be this horny?

Diyos ko, pwede bang lunukin na lang ako ng lupa? Ngayon na. As in, now na.

Marian, ano bang nangyayari sa’yo? Ang halay ng utak mo. Hindi ka ganito pinalaki ng mga magulang mo.

“Marian…” Narinig ko ang boses niya mula sa likod ko. He leaned down to me until I could feel his hot breath on my ear. He smelled so good. Why did he have to smell this good? I feel like melting into his scent. “Masarap ba ang tea ko?” His voice spoke low and directly into my ear. I stiffened and broke out in goosebumps.

I took in deep breaths. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba sa inis o sa hiya. Tumawa siya ng malakas.

“Ano na ba ang ipapagawa mo?” I asked, sounding annoyed to cover up my embarrassment

  “Linisin mo yung living room, pagkatapos yung kwarto ko.” He said heading to the fridge and taking out six pack of canned beer.

“Hanggang kailan ko ba kailangan gawin ‘to?” Tanong ko.

“Hangga’t hindi mo pa nababayaran ang utang mo sa akin.” He said, leaning against the counter and opening a can.

“Magtatrabaho ako sa’yo tapos babayaran pa kita? That doesn’t seem fair!” I said with brows furrowed.

He gulped down his beer before speaking. “Nothing in life is.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Ikaw ang nakiusap sa akin. Pwede din naman pagtrabahuhan mo na lang iyon. I pay my house cleaner 6000 pesos a month. So, it’ll probably take you about 7 years to pay off your debt.”

“Asshole.” I said under my breath.

“Come again?” He cocked a brow before taking another gulp.

“Wala.” I rolled my eyes. “Huwag kang mag-alala. Hahanap ako ng paraan para mabayaran agad kita.”

“What do you do for a living?”

“I own a small flower shop na namana ko pa sa mama ko.”

“It doesn’t make much money, does it?”

“Mag-isa na lang naman ako. It makes just enough money for me.”

“But not enough to pay me?”

“Babayaran kita, okay?” Inis na sabi ko.  

“You don’t seem as… excited as you were earlier.” He grinned, rubbing his chin.  “Ano bang akala mong gagawin mo kaya dinala kita dito?” He let out an annoying laugh.

“W-wala.” Nag-init ang mukha ko at nagbaba ako ng tingin sa tea na nasa harap ko. Ikaw kasi! Pahamak kang tea ka!

“You’re blushing!” His eyes crinkled even more and his laughter grew louder and my cheeks got hotter.

“I am not!” I hissed, placing a hand on my forehead.

“You have nothing to be ashamed of. Wala pa naman akong nakikilalang babae na hindi ako pinagnasahan.” He gave me a wink before walking away.

“Hoy! Ang kapal mo, hindi kita pinagnanasahan!” I shouted at him. Tawa lang ang sinagot niya sa akin habang naglalakad siya palabas ng kusina.

HA! Feeling niya naman magkakagusto ako sa kanya. Nek nek niya! Screw him and his perfect eyes and cute nose and kissable lips and flawless everything else…

No, brain! Don’t betray me!

I followed him to the living room. He was sitting on the couch, drinking a can of beer while watching tv. May mga damit na nakakalat sa sahig, mga bote at can ng beer sa ibabaw ng coffee table.

We are now observing an asshole in his natural habitat.

I’m a bit- Okay, not a bit- I’m a total neat freak so this was a nightmare to me!

“Yung totoo? Bahay ba ’to o isang malaking basurahan?”  Sabi ko habang dinadampot ang mga kalat sa sahig. “Seriously, how can one person make this so much mess?!”

 I picked up a baby blue thong on the floor with my thumb and index finger. 

“Had a wild night last night.” He said in a bored tone, his eyes still on the tv.

I rolled my eyes at him before throwing it in the laundry bin. Yuck! Baka kung may anong STD pa ang may ari niyan.

“Wala sigurong tumatagal na tiga-linis sa’yo. Kadiri ka kasi!” Sabi ko.

“Wala ka kasing sex life.” He said, giving me a sideway glance. 

Inirapan ko siya bago ako tumalikod para hanapin ang kwarto niya. I just wanted to get this over with so I could finally go home, get out of here as soon as possible.

I opened the door to his room and was greeted by a natural musky and manly scent with a hint of a female’s cologne. Amoy pa lang you’ll already get the hint of what had happened in this room. “It smells like sex in here!” I had never had sex but that was the first thing that popped into my head.

“Love is in the air, baby.” He said with a chuckle.

His room was huge… and messy! Nagkalat ang mga gamit niya at magulo ang kama. Ano’ng klaseng tao ba ang nakatira sa pamamahay na ito? At ang lakas pa niya magdala ng babae dito when he couldn’t even clean up after himself. Daig pa siya ng 3 year old na anak ni Betsy. Iyon nililigpit ang mga laruan niya pagkatapos maglaro.

Habang naglalakad ako papunta sa kama niya nakaapak ako ng isang malambot at madulas na bagay. I looked down and saw a long plastic knotted at the end with white liquid inside it.

Plastic ng ice candy? iyon ang unang pumasok sa isip ko. Or atleast that was what I wanted to think.

But then, I remembered I was at Seth’s room. And nothing here is as innocent as that!

“Yuuuuuuck! Kadiri ka talaga, Seth!” I screamed. “ Pagnakauwi talaga ako ididisinfect ko ang buong katawan ko ng alcohol!“

“Can’t you keep your mouth shut for one minute! Jeez, I can’t even hear myself think.” He shouted back at me from the living room.

 Kumuha ako ng tissue at iyon ang ginamit ko para damputin iyon. Lord, patawarin mo po sila dahil hindi nila alam ang ginagawa nila.

Niligpit ko ang mga kalat sa kwarto niya. Ang mga damit niya. I vacuumed the room. Habang nagpapalit ako ng bedsheet sa kama niya biglang pumasok si Seth sa kwarto. He had a crooked smile on his face as he closed the door behind him. He suddenly lifted his shit up his head and threw it on the floor.

My breath hitched and my ovaries exploded. Yung katawan niya parang yung mga nakikita mong male model sa billboards at magazines. His chest, his abs… it was so perfect it looked photoshopped.

Mainit ba talaga dito?  Bakit ngayon ko lang naramdaman?

Sinunod  niya ang jeans niya. My eyes grew big as he slid his jeans down his legs until he stood there with nothing but black boxers on.

“Marian…” He said in a husky voice.

“B-bakit?” Napayakap ako sa sarili ko. Ito na ba talaga yun o joke na naman ’to? Hindi pa talaga pala ako prepared. I was in my period panties, you know, the ugly panties you wear when you’re on your period. At suot ko pa ngayon yung mumurahing bra na nabili ko sa department store three years ago.

“Pakilagay na lang ang mga damit ko sa labahan.” He said as he headed to the bathroom door.

Napakurap ako at mariin na napapikit. Ano bang nangyayari sa akin? Bakit kung anu-ano ang mga naiisip ko? 

Dinampot ang mga damit na pinaghubaran niya. His clothes smelled of him. Humahalo sa natural na amoy niya ang mamahaling cologne na gamit niya. This was the closest thing to intimacy I had with a man. I know, it’s sucks.

I threw the empty cans of beer he left in the living room at sandali akong napaupo sa couch. Ngayon ko lang naramdaman ang pagod ko. Tumingin ako sa orasan, tatlong oras na pala akong naglilinis.

I stretched my arms and legs like a cat.

Seth’s POV

We’d just been together for hours and that woman was grating my nerves something fierce. Lahat ng gagawin niya hindi pwedeng wala siyang masasabi. I wish she’d just put that pretty little mouth of hers to good use.

She looked bangable pero nakaka turn off na kapag nagsasalita siya. She nags like a menopausal banshee. Now imagine what it would be like in bed.

No wonder she doesn’t have a boyfriend.

Kung hindi ko lang kailangan ng maglilinis ng bahay ko hindi ko siya kukunin dito. The last house cleaner I had had already retired. My house needed some cleaning. I had no choice. And it was fun teasing her.

Lumabas ako mula sa shower. Dried myself with a towel and put on my pajama pants. I got out of my room to check on Marian. Nakita ko siyang nakahiga sa couch. Lumapit ako sa kanya. Her eyes were closed and her breathing was slow.

A few strands of her covered her face. I couldn’t resist the urge to tuck it behind her ears. She’s really pretty. She had beautiful eyes, a lovely slightly upturned nose, and cute lips.

“Ano’ng ginagawa mo?” She asked.

Parang napasong binawi ko ang kamay ko mula sa mukha niya. Shit!

“Yung laway mo tumutulo sa couch ko.” Dahilan ko.

She quickly sat up, bringing her hand to her mouth and wiping the sides of it. “Hoy, excuse me lang no! Hindi tumutulo laway ko kapag natutulog ako!”

And there she goes again. I swear, she looked more beautiful with her mouth shut.

Sana pipi ka na lang.

Marian’s POV

Tawa ng tawa sina Andrea habang kinukwento ko sa kanila ang nangyari kahapon. Yes, even the tea-tea part. I share with them almost everything. Sila lang naman ang nakakaintindi sa akin at mga mas lukaret pa sa akin ang tatlong ito.

We were at a restaurant having lunch together like we usually do.

“Normal lang naman yun. Lalo na sa katulad mong hindi pa nagkakaron ng boyfriend. Curious ka lang.” Sabi ni Andrea.

“Biruin mo twenty-eight ka na hindi ka pa nahahalikan.” Natatawang sabi ni Rose. “Kung baga sa aso, you’re in heat.”

I cringed at what she said. Kinumpara pa ako sa aso ng gagang ’to!

“Kung baga sa flower, uhaw na uhaw na yan. Kailangan ng madiligan.” Betsy snickered.

Namula ang mga pisngi ko sa pinagsasabi nila. “Ano ba kayo? Nakakahiya, baka may makarinig sa inyo.” Mahinang sabi ko sa kanila.

“Sige ka, baka malanta yan.” Singit ni Rose.

“Baka kinakalawang na nga yan!” Andrea joined in. They all laughed except me. I frowned at them.

“Huwag ka na kasing masyadong pihikan.” Sumeryoso si Betsy. “Tayong mga babae, may biological clock tayong hinahabol. Women can’t have children after a certain age. You’re not getting any younger. Baka tumanda kang dalaga niyan.”

Chapter Four

Marian’s POV

Ganito na lang ba palagi? Me sitting in front of the tv, watching whatever was on while I eat alone. And then later on, I would sleep in my bed alone. And after some years I would die alone.

I sighed, feeling the heaviness in my chest. I sure hope not. I felt restless, It was as if I was standing still and life was just passing me by. Nakita kong nainlove ang mga kaibigan ko, nakita ko silang nagkaboyfriend, kinasal, nagkaanak, bumuo ng pamilya. I even witnessed Betsy gave birth to her second child (not a pretty sight) dahil nagkataon na ako ang kasama niya when her water broke and her husband was away. Was I just meant to see all those things but never experience it?

May mga nanligaw naman sa akin noon, may sakit si mama ng mga panahong iyon. Mas pinili kong alagaan siya dahil naisip kong marami pa naman panahon para doon at hindi pa ako handa, maraming lalaki sa mundo pero iisa lang ang mama ko. I never regretted turning those men down. I took care of my mother until her last breath. After her death, nag focus ako sa ng naiwan na flower shop business ni mama. Hindi pa rin ako handa ng mga panahon na iyon dahil ang dahilan ko kamamatay lang ng mama ko. Years went by and now that I was ready, it was already too late. Men want younger women. Nobody wants a 28-year-old old maid! Parang kotse lang yan, syempre mas pipiliin ng mga lalaki ang mga bagong model. To men I was probably the outdated car they wouldn’t be caught dead driving.

Biglang tumunog ang phone ko. I reached for it and averted my eyes from the tv to the phone screen. May nagchat sa akin sa fb.

Alvin Pascual: Hi, Marian. Do you still remember me?

Kumunot ang noo ko. Alvin Pascual? The name instantly rang a bell. Oh right, Betsy’s husband’s cousin. Nagkakilala kami sa birthday party ng asawa ni Betsy. He was cute, nice and charming but he had a girlfriend.

Marian Faith Perez: Of course. Ikaw yung pinsan ni Jeff. We met at his party.

Alvin Pascual: Right. Pwede ba kitang ayain lumabas? Maglunch tayo bukas.

Marian Faith Perez: Bakit?

Alvin Pascual: Wala lang. I just want to talk to you and get to know you more. You seem like an interesting woman.

Marian Faith Perez: Ha? Hindi ba may girlfriend ka?

Alvin Pascual: We broke up a couple of months ago.

I chewed on my bottom lip, not knowing what to reply.

Alvin Pascual: Marian?

Hindi kaya may kinalaman dito si Betsy? But who cares? It wouldn’t hurt to give it a shot!

Marian Faith Perez: Sige.

Alvin Pascual: Great! I’ll pick you up tomorrow at 3.

Oh my god! May date ako bukas! Someone finally asked me out! I got up from my seat and went to my room. Hinalughog ko ang closet ko at naghanap ng masusuot para bukas. I tried on a red body hugging strapless dress. Nah, too revealing for a first date. Then I tried a golden glittery dress. W here’s the party? Overdressed naman masyado! And finally, a white, flowy halter dress that ends just a little above the knee. Nagpaikot-ikot ako sa salamin. Perfect!

                                                                

Kanina pa ako hindi mapakali. I kept cheking my hair, my face, my dress. Pasilip-silip ako sa bintana, tinitignan kung nandoon na si Alvin. At 3:03pm a black car pulled up in front of my car. I checked mysef on the compact powder mirror and took a deep breath. THIS IS IT!

I watched as Alvin got out of the car. Matangkad siya, kayumanggi, gwapo, kalbo. Mala-Will Devaughn. Lamang lang ng konting paligo si Will. He was wearing a blue and white checkered long sleeves and a pair of dark pants.Huminto siya sa harap ng pinto at pinindot niya ang doorbell. I walked to the door and opened it.

“Hi!” He said with a smile. “Ready?”

Two hours ago pa.  

“Yeah.”

“Let’s go!” He offered his arm to me. I wrapped an arm around his. Naglakad kami papunta sa kotse niya. Mabango siya pero hindi kasing bango ni Seth. I gasped inwardly at that thought. Hindi dapat sumasagi sa isip ko ang impaktong yun.

“May problema ba?” Tanong niya.

“Ah,wala… wala naman.” Sagot ko.

He opened the car door for me and gently guided me into the car and even buckled me up. He was such a gentleman. Umikot siya sa driver’s side ng kotse at pumasok doon. He placed the key in the ignition and then started the car.

“Alam mo matagal na kitang gusto ayain lumabas, nahihiya lang ako.” Sabi niya habang nagmamaneho. Aw, that was so cute.

“Bakit naman?” I asked.

“Nakakaintimidate ka kasi.” He answered.

“Hindi naman.” I laughed.

“You’re a beautiful, smart and independent woman. Kahit sinong lalaki mahihiyang lumapit sa’yo.”

“Ikaw naman! You flatter me too much.” I couldn’t help but giggle like a school girl.

After a few minutes, he was parking his car in front of a building. Bumaba siya para pagbuksan pa ako ng pinto at inalalayan pa ako pababa ng kotse. He treated me like I was a princess. Pumasok kami sa building, sumakay ng elevator at pumasok sa isang kwarto.

“Ano ‘to?” I looked at him, dumb founded. Bakit maraming upuan? Bakit maraming tao? Bakit may tao sa harap na parang teacher na naglelecture.

“Orientation. Gusto sana kitang i-recruit dito sa networking company namin.” Nakangiting sabi niya.

“Oh…” Iyon lang ang lumabas sa bibig ko pero iba ang sinasabi ng isip ko.

Walanghiya! Hayop! Ilang oras akong nag-ayos. Nagmake up pa ako, nagpa-mani-pedi pa ako, nag-curl pa ako ng buhok dadalhin mo lang pala ako sa lecheng orientation na ‘to. Walanghiya kang kalbo ka!

“This isn’t what I…” I sighed. “I’m going home.”

“Teka, Marian, marami kaming products na binebenta. Meron kaming organic juice, capsules, tea, coffee. Sobrang effective. Maganda sa kalusugan, FDA approved.” He said.

I began to walk away but he still followed me.

“Hindi ako interesado.” I said in a flat tone.

“Panoorin muna natin yung orientation, may libre naman lunch doon. Sa orientation makikita mo yung mga napagaling ng product namin. Meron pa nga may sakit na cancer. Hindi siya nagpa-chemo, yung herbal juice namin ang nagpagaling sa kanya. Noong nagpacheck up siya, para daw milagro dahil nawala daw bigla yung cancer niya.” Patuloy niya.

“Hindi nga ako interesado!” Inis na ulit ko. “ Sa iba mo na lang ialok yan.”

“Ako nga, anim na buwan pa lang akong miyembro nakabili na ako ng kotse.”

I stopped walking and faced him. I took a deep breath, trying to resist the urge to claw him in the face. “Isa pang salita, ibubundol ko sa’yo yung kotseng sinasabi mo!”

Tamang-tama naman na huminto ang elevator. I got in and just as it was about to close, I raised my middle finger at him. He just stood there with mouth opened. Nagmamadali akong lumabas ng building at pumara ng taxi. God, I felt stupid. Hot tears streamed down my face.

Hindi na talaga ako aasahan. Ayoko na. Tanggap ko na na magiging matandang dalaga ako. Tanggap ko na na hindi ako magkakapamilya.

When I got back home, I changed into a comfy jogging pants and lose shirt and cried my eyes out while watching a comedy movie and eating a pint of ice cream. I drowned myself in my own sick self pity. This is what I would do for the rest of my boring life. Hindi na dapat ako lumabas sa kumbento noon kung magiging ganito din pala ang buhay ko. Sana nagmadre na lang ako.

Sa kalagitnaan ng pangalawang movie na pinanonood ko nagring ang phone ko. I didn’t want to pick it up but it won’t stop ringing. Nakakasira ka pag-emote! Inis na dinampot ko iyon.

“Marian.” It was Seth’s voice.

“What?”

“Pumunta ka dito.”

“Masama pakiramdam ko.” Dahilan ko.

“I want you here in 30 minutes.”

“Bwisit.” I whispered under my breath.

“Ano’ng sabi mo?”

“Oo, papunta na.” I rolled my eyes.

“That’s what I thought I heard.” I could easily imagine him with a smug smile on his face.

I rode a cab to his condominium at wala pang 30 minutes nandoon na ako. I was about to press the doorbell when the door opened. Isang magandang babaeng nakasuot ng micro mini dress ang lumabas doon. She was giggling and topless Seth was behind her, his hands on the sides of her waist.

“Bye, babe.” Paalam niya sa babae. He cupped his jaw with one hand and turned her head to the side so he could kiss her. They torridly kissed and tongued each other’s mouth right in front of me. I grimaced at what I just witnessed. Yuck!

Kunwaring umubo ako para malaman naman nila na nandito ako at mahiya silang maglampungan. They pulled back from the kiss and looked at me.

“Who is she?” Tanong ng babae kay Seth.

“Just my house cleaner.” He answered.

Seth gave her a slap on the butt and she squealed. “Seth!”

“I’ll call you later, okay?” He smiled.

Umalis na ang babae at naiwan kami ni Seth. He turned around and went in. Sumunod ako sa kanya. God, it was a mess! Parang hindi ko nilinis ito noong isang araw lang.

 

Seth’s POV

Marian was unnaturally quiet today. I wasn’t used to her not runnning her mouth off. Walang karekla-reklamong naglinis siya kahit makalat na naman ang unit ko. I invited over a few friends of mine and we had a small party last night. Maybe she wasn’t making an excuse up when I called her earlier, maybe she really didn’t feel good.

“Hey, you okay?” I asked. She didn’t answer. She picked up the empty cans of beer on the counter to throw it out. Kinuha ko iyon mula sa kanya. “Kung masama ang pakiramdam mo huwag mo ng pilitin.”

“Okay lang ako.”

“You don’t seem okay.” I said.

“Pangit ba ako?” She asked with watery eyes.

“Huh?” My brows furrowed.

“Yung totoo, pangit ba ako?”  She pouted like a little girl.

I grabbed two beers in the fridge and gave one to her and opened the other. She opened the can of beer, gulped it down and winced.

“Seth, ano?” She pressed.

I looked at her. She is… beautiful. Honestly, she is. She had a pair of vibrant eyes, an elegant and slightly upturned nose, and she had a warm smile that could light up the whole room… the cutest smile I had ever seen on a woman. She wasn’t a fragile beauty, not the ‘damsel in distress’ kind that needed a knight in shining armor. She looked like someone who could carry herself without trouble.

“Hindi.” I shrugged.

“Bakit gano’n bakit walang nagkakagusto sa akin? Bakit wala pa rin akong boyfriend hanggang ngayon.” She sobbed before taking another sip.

“I- I don’t know…” Sagot ko. “Maybe it’s because you don’t look like a dumb ditzy princess who needs to be saved. Most men are crazy for that shit. They want to be superior than their women. They want a woman that needs them. It’s their way of compensating for their tiny penises.”  

A small chuckle rose from Marian’s throat. “You think so?”

“Mm-hm.” I answered as I drank my beer. 

“Sa tingin mo may posibilidad bang magkagusto ko sa akin?” Marian asked.

I almost spitted out the beer I was drinking. I looked at her and she looked damn serious. “Marian, I’m your… boss. I don’t date house cleaners.”

“Wag ka mag-alala. Hindi naman kita type. Pero kunwari lang, hindi mo ko house cleaner. May chance ba na magkagusto ka sa katulad kong babae?”

“Ano’ng katulad mong babae?” My brows furrowed.  “I like women. I like all kinds of women. Dark skinned, fair skinned, province girls, high class brats. If you’re pretty and you have a hole, I like you.” 

“Seth!” She grimaced.

“What do you expect from me? A profound answer? I’m a man. I’m shallow.” I chuckled.

Chapter Five

Marian’s POV

“Marian…” Nagising ako ng maramdaman kong may yumuyugyog sa balikat ko. I opened my eyes and saw a pair of  deep olive eyes staring back at me. I smiled at his handsome face, still disoriented. His brows creased in a deep V. “What are you smiling about?”

“H-huh?” I quickly sat up nang magbalik ang katinuan ko. It was only then that I realized it was Seth. He was sitting on the edge of the couch, looking at me like I was a weird alien.

“Who gets drunk after three cans of beer? Really?” He snickered.

“Sino’ng drunk?” I asked. All I remember was having a drink and conversation with Seth and feeling sleepy after a few drinks. I sat up.

“Just get up. I’m hungry.” He rubbed his tummy like a hungry 5-year-old.

“O, e’di kumain ka…” I muttered.

“Naubusan na ko ng pagkain. Bili ka ng dinner, d’yan lang sa baba.” Sabi niya.

 I let out a huff and got up. “Ano bang gusto mo?”

  “I’m thinking pasta.” He said. “Meron Italianni’s sa malapit lang dito, doon ka na lang bumili.”

“Opo, boss.” I sarcastically said and rolled my eyes.

 Binigyan niya ako ng pera pangbili ng dinner at nagmamadaling pinaalis ako. Halos itulak na nga ako palabas ng unit. Problema nun? I was hardly even awake. I looked at the closed door with my brows knitted together before letting out a huff and walking away. I rode the elevator and it stopped a couple of floors down. A man went in and stood beside me and gave me a glance. Ilang beses siyang lumingon sa akin. I felt creeped out and the fourth time he looked at me, I sneered at him. Nakahinga ako ng maluwag ng bumukas ang elevator at nagmamadali akong lumabas. Well, that was weird.

Italianni’s was just a few walks away from Seth’s condominium building. As I was walking, I felt like everyone was looking at me. Naisip ko baka napaparanoid lang ako, epekto ng beer na nainom ko. I wasn’t fond of alcohol. Kahit noong nagbabar kami nina Abby tuwing girl’s night out madalas juice lang ang iniinom ko. I was greetd by a waitress. She just stood there with a look of both hesitation and amusement on her face. I opened my mouth to ask for the menu but before a word came out of it…

“Miss…” Isang lalaki ang lumapit sa akin. He was tall, fair skinned, chinky eyed and so gwapo.   

I turned my head to him and smiled. “Yes?” My voice slightly squealed.

“Um, may konting dumi ka yata sa mukha.” He said, touching his forehead.

My hand went up to my face and I wiped my forehead. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang tinutukoy niyang dumi kaya kung saan saan dumapo ang kamay ko para punasan ang duming iyon.

“Hindi matanggal.” The guys shook his head. “Why don’t you go to the restroom? Basain mo na lang. Ito ang panyo kung kailangan mo.” He handed me a brown patterned handkerchief. I looked down at it for awhile. Inilapit niya pa ito sa akin at nag-aalinlangan na kinuha ko iyon.. I excused myself and went to the restroom.

I was horrified when I looked into the mirror and saw my own face. My pretty face was vandalized. The word Wanted was written on my forehead and next to it was a phallus drawing. Under it was a cellphone number. I shouldn’t have trusted him, that asshole!

“SEEEEEEEEEETH!!!!” I yelled furiously, my voice echoing throughout the whole comfort room. I had been walking around with a poorly drawn penis on my forehead all along? Nakakahiya! Nagmamadali akong naghilamos at pilit na tinatanggal ang sulat sa mukha ko. Mapapatay ko talaga ang lalaking iyon! Humanda yang Seth na yan! It took me a whole five minutes to completely get it off my face. I marched out of the bathroom and went back to his condo with a vengeance.

“Marian.” He casually leaned his arm against the door frame when he opened the door. Pigil ang ngiting tinitigan niya ako. I glared back at him. “Binili mo na ba ako ng pagkain?”

“Hindi nakakatawa ginawa mo.” I muttered with a frown. I put both my hands to his chest and shoved him in. “You’re an asshole.”

“What did I do?” Painosenteng tanong niya.

“What did you do? Seryoso ka ba?” I snapped as I felt myself on the verge of crying. “Gago ka!” I angrily hit him in the chest. He caught my hands, pulling me and guiding me to the couch. He sat me down and he sat next to me.

“Marian…” He softly said. Naramdaman kong hinawakan niya ako sa balikat and I shrugged his hand away.  “I’m sorry, okay?”

“Sorry? Sorry mo mukha mo!” I was so angry, it was a struggle to get the words out of my mouth.

“I’m just trying to help you get laid.” He sighed. My head snapped up at him giving him another piercing glare.

“What the heck? Sino bang may sabi sa’yo na gusto kong-” I couldn’t even say the word.

“Di ba sabi mo kanina walang nagkakagusto sa’yo? So far, I’ve already received 5 messages and 2 calls. See, meron pa rin nama nagkakagusto sayo.” He said with a boyish smile and took out his phone. He read the messages out loud. I cringed when I heard the explicit and awful messages.

“Hoy, Seth, hindi naman ako ganon kadesperada!” I shrieked, scowling at him in disgust. “Hindi yun ang ibig kong sabihin. I want someone who… who would love me.”

He shook his head. “Love sucks.” And then he sneered. “But true love swallows.”

I looked at him, cluessly. “You’re a hopeless case.” He let out a chukle and shifted to face me more. Marian, do you believe someday, someone out there would look at you in a room full of people and think you’re the prettiest and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you? Do you believe that you were put here on earth to be with that one person?“

I stared at him quizically. I didn’t know where this conversation was going. Tinitigan niya lang ako habang hinihintay ang sagot ko. I slowly nodded my head. As a woman, a hopeless romantic woman, syempre naniniwala ako doon.

“In life, there’s expectation and there’s reality. That’s not how reality works. You never enjoy anything because you’re always waiting for something to happen, that something would probably never even happen. There’s no sparks, no magic, no nothing. Only the right words and things to get what you want.” He said as he looked at me in the eyes. Althought I didn’t agree to what he was saying or at least I didn’t want to,he was surprisingly making sense to me. “Women use sex to get love, men use love to get sex. I don’t know what books or movies you read or watch but in the real world, that’s how it works.”

“So what are you really trying to say? That I should sleep around?” My eyes widened, bemusely.

“No… all I’m saying is that you need to take life easy and just enjoy it. Stop being uptight and frigid. Stop waiting for something to happen and start making it happen.” He said.

“And you thought by putting the word wanted and a drawing of a phallus next to it on my face would help me?” I sarcastically asked, tumaas ang kilay ko sa kanya.

Tumawa siya ng malakas. His laugh slowly died down after a few minutes. “Not really, ang sarap mo lang talagang pagtripan.”

I gritted my teeth as I tried to stop myself from jumping on him and throttling the life out of him. “I hate you!”

Days passed and Seth called me again to clean up his condo unit. As I expected, ala-smokey mountain na naman ang condo niya. Iniwan ko muna ang flower boutique ko kay Flo, ang tindera namin katulad at pumunta dito. I was doing his laundy while he slept in his bedroom. Madalas kapag dumadating ako sa hapon tulog pa si Seth, probably exhausted from partying all night. Gabi na ang gising niyan para kumain lang at aalis na naman. Habang nag-aayos ako ng labahan tumunog ang doorbell.

Ibinaba ko muna ang hamper para buksan ang pinto. A tall, beautiful woman stood in front of the door. She had long curly hair and was wearing a black body hugging dress. It was definetly Seth’s kind of woman.

“Hi.” I greeted her with a smile.

She looked at me from head to toe with one brow arched up and walked in, not even acknowledging my presence. “Where’s Seth?” Mataray na tanong niya. Antipatika ’tong babaeng ’to!

Even though I was pissed off I still managed a smile. “He’s in his bedroom. Masama ang pakiramdam.”

“Sino ka ba?” Humarap siya sa akin at tinignan ako.

“Ako nga pala si Marian. Tagalinis dito.” Nakangiting sabi ko kahit ang sarap hilahin isa-isa ng pilik mata ng babaeng yan.

She went to the couch and sat primly straight on it. “What’s wrong with him?”

“May diarrhea siya.” I lied. I thought of a devious idea to get back at him. I ran back to the laundry and took one of his boxers. I took out a chocolate bar from his fridge and smudge it on his boxers. I went back to the living room with it. “He’s been having… accidents. See.”

The woman grimaced in disgust when she saw it. I secretly laughed to myself at her reaction.

“Para ngang may chocolate factory siya sa pwet ngayon.” I chuckled. She pursed her lips together and I saw her gulp.

She cleared her throat before getting up from her seat. Tumalikod siya at naglakad papunta sa pinto.

“Teka saan ka pupunta?” I asked innocently. She ignored my question and continued to walk. “Aalis ka na? Sasabihin ko na lang kay Seth na pinuntahan mo siya.”

“No, it’s okay.” She said and opened the door. The woman hurriedly left. Hindi ko na napigilan ang tawa ko ng makaalis ang babae.

“MARIAN!” Seth opened the door to his room and grunted. I quickly hid his boxers behind me. His eyes were hooded, his hair messy and he was only wearing nothing but a pair of pajama bottom. “Jeez, will you keep it down. Natutulog ako.”

“Okay, boss.” Kibit-balikat na sabi ko.

“Sino bang kausap mo?” Iritang tanong niya.

“Wala. Baka yung tv lang narinig mo. Nanonood kasi ako kanina.” Dahilan ko.

He pulled his head back in and closed the door. Mahinang tumawa ulit ako ng isara niya ang pinto.

Chapter Six

Seth’s POV

I yawned and stretched out my hands as I made my way to the kitchen. I left Marian a sticky note telling her do some grocery shopping this afternoon and found the grocery bags placed over the counter top. I started digging through the bags, looking for something to eat.

I took out the food I needed and made myself a pb&j sandwich. Leaning against the counter with one hand over it, I took a bite of the sandwich. Marian makes my life so much easier. I had to give her credit for that. She was my magical cleaning fairy. I could make a mess out of this pad and I’d wake up and everything would be clean and tidy again. I didn’t had to run to the grocery store when I forget to do my grocery shopping or have to dump my dirty laundries at the laundry shop when I run out of clothes to wear. I could just leave a sticky note and Marian would take care of everything for me.

Ah, this is the life.

An idea popped into my mind. Since she had been a good house cleaner and I felt kind of bad for playing a prank on her days ago, I thought I’d take her out. I reached for the wireless phone that rested on the counter top and dialed her number. It rang a few times before she picked it up.

“Hello?” I heard her annoyed voice on the other line. “Ano na naman kailangan mo?”

I swallowed the sandwich I was chewing. “We’re going out. Wear something nice.”

“Ano? 8:35 na ng gabi, Seth Timothy Fonacier, saan naman tayo pupunta?”

“We’re going to party.” I said.  

“Party?”

“Yes, we’re going to a nightclub to party. Wala ka naman sigurong gagawin ngayong gabi.”

“Well…” She trailed off.

“It’ll be fun. You’d have to be euthanized if you get anymore boring.” I chuckled.

“Asshole.” She said in her usual irritated tone.

Marian’s POV

I wore a black mini skirt and a black sleeveless peplum dress with a deep v-neck to match it. I admired myself in front of the mirror. I had never looked this sexy before. Hindi naman ako usually nagsusuot ng ganitong damit. It was actually a gift from Abby for my birthday a year ago at ngayon lang ako nagkaroon ng chance na isuot ito. Wala naman akong gagawin dito sa bahay. Nang magkapamilya na ang mga kaibigan ko, I basically had no social life.  I rarely go out anymore since may kanya-kanya na kaming buhay ng mga kaibigan ko. Instead of spending the night watching the new dvd I just bought this afternoon, I decided to go with Seth. Makakapaghintay naman yun pero ito minsan lang ’to.

I jumped to my seat when I heard a car stop in front of my house. I peeked through my window and saw a sleek, black matte car. Seth stepped out of it in a red shirt, a black blazer over it, and a pair of jeans. I whistled quietly as he walked towards the door. He was fine as heck! He was oozing with confidence and charisma that would melt a beating heart. Kung hindi ka lang gago baka nagustuhan na kita.

He pressed the doorbell and I walked over to the door.

“Hi.” I greeted him with a smile.

He didn’t say anything. He just looked at me from head to toe scrutinizingly. My throat went dry under his gaze, I swear I couldn’t feel a single drop of moisture in my throat especially when his eyes paused on my chest. His adam’s apple bobbed up and down his throat. Was I the only one who could feel the thick tension between us?

“That’ll will do. “ He said shrugging his shoulders and turning his back to me. He walked back to his car and I hurriedly followed him. He sat on the driver’s seat and I sat next to him on the passenger’s seat. His car smelled of some really nice and expensive cologne and mint. It smelled just like him and I loved it. I felt drunk off his smell.

“Bakit ako ang sinama mo? Siguro hindi ka sinipot ng date mo, ’no?” I shifted to my seat to face him. “Dakilang yaya mo na nga ako gagawin po pa kong dakilang proxy? Awas mo ’to sa utang ko ah.”

“Marian, I’m doing you a favor here. We’re going to find you a guy.” He said with his eyes glued to the road in front of him.

“So, sinama mo ako para hanapan lang ng lalaki?” I scowled.

“That and this is what I do for a living.” Sabi niya.

“Professional match maker ka?”

He threw a dirty look at me before turning his attention back to the road. “Hell no! I get paid to party.”

“How?” I curiously asked.

“I make appearances at clubs, I do a little club hosting, and I get paid for it.” He answered.

“Interesting.” I nodded my head. “Nakabili ka ng Lamborghini sa paghohosting? You must be making a lot of money.”

“Not really. I just make enough.” He shrugged.

“You just make enough? Eh isang katutak nga ang kotse mo, puro mga luxury cars pa. Huwag mong sabihin may mayaman kang sugar mama o kaya gay benefactor?” Nanlaki ang mga mataa ko.

  He threw me another scowl. “Jesus, no! My family’s actually into aviation. We own an airline company. My dad wants me to work for him but that just won’t do. I don’t want a boring 9-to-5 life.”

He parked his car in front of a high end night club and we got out. A lot of people were already lined up infront of the entrance. May dalawang lalaking nagbabantay sa magkabilang gilid ng pinto. We went straight to the door and was surprised when Seth held my hand. I felt sparks ran through my whole body, it took me by surprise.

“She’s with me.” Sabi ni Seth sa dalawang bouncer. They nodded their heads and we went in. The whole club was packed with people, it was dark and smoking. Nakakabingi ang ingay ng kanta at sigawan ng mga tao. We made our way through the crowd with his hand still holding on to mine. Pumunta kami sa pinakagitna kung nasaan ang stage.

“Stay here, okay?” He said and jumped onto the stage. He took the microphone off the stand.

“Are you ready to party?” His voice echoed off the walls, overpowering the loud music. Biglang nagtilian ang mga babae sa paligid ko. They shrilled so high, I had to cover my ears.

“SETH WE LOVE YOU!” A group of women next to me screamed.

Seth’s eyes scanned down the crowd as if searching for something and it stopped right at me. His beautiful olive eyes were fixed at me. I sighed involunarily. Right up the stage, he was ridiculously beautiful. Now I understood what these girls next to me were shrilling about. He totally owned the stage. He had this enigmatic charm that it was hard not to be drawn in.

“I love you too.” He winked.

Lalong lumakas ang tili ng mga babae at nagtatalon pa. I threw them a sideway glare. Hah! Feeling niyo! Sakin siya nakatingin no!

The women were so attentive as he spoke. Bawa’t sasabihin niya, tumitili ang mga babae. I was getting bumped and screamed at in the ears. I pushed my way out of the crowd to get some fresh air. Walang masyadong taong nakaupo sa bar kaya doon ako pumunta. I sat at one of the stools and ordered a Shirley Temple. I just sat there, taking little sips as I watched Seth make the crowd go wild from afar.

“Hey, you look familiar.” I turned my head at the voice. A man stood in front of me with a pair of cute chinky eyes. “It’s you!”

“Huh?” Inilayo ko ang bibig ko sa straw. My brows furrowed.

“You’re the girl at the restaurant with the…” He touched his forehead. I suddenly recognized him. Siya ang lalaking nagpahiram sa akin ng panyo.

“Oh, right…” I laughed to cover up my embarrassment.

“Buti naman natanggal mo na.” He chuckled. “Have you found one yet?”

My cheeks heat up in embarrassment. “Hindi ako yun. My friend played a prank on me.”

“I know. Nagbibiro lang ako.” Tumawa siya. “Sino’ng kasama mo? Mag-isa ka lang ba?”

“No, I’m with a  friend.” Sabi ko.

“Nasaan na ang kaibigan mo?” He asked.

“He’s kind of busy right now.”   I said, looking up at the stage.

“Well, do you mind if I join you?” He politely asked.

“Not at all.” I answered.

“I’m Patrick.” He introduced himself and held out his hand.

“Marian.” I shook it.

Umupo siya sa tabi kong stool at umorder ng vodka. He seemed like a nice guy, very warm and friendly. After I finished my Shirley Temple, he ordered me an apple mojito which I couldn’t say no to. I had a very low alcohol tolerance but I didn’t want him to think I was no fun. We had a long and nice conversation. Halfway through my drink I started feeling a little heady but I still drank it all up.

He asked me to dance with him and I happily said yes. We went to the dance floor and clutched my arms around his neck to keep my balance. I rested my head on his chest as we danced. I felt like the whole room was spinning from the alcohol, the ray of different lights beaming and moving all over the room made it so much worse.

“Are you okay?” He gently asked.

“Yeah…” I answered.

Nagulat ako ng may biglang humaklit sa braso ko. It almost threw me off balanced.

“Seth.” I smiled faintly. “Hi.”

“I’ve been looking all over for you.” May halong inis sa boses niya.

“I’ve been watching you, you were great!” I smiled, complimenting him.

“I told you to stay there, didn’t I?” Sabi niya at tumingin kay Patrick. “Who’s this guy?”

“Oh, he’s my friend, Patrick.” I said and turned my attention to Patrick. “Patrick, this is my other friend, Seth.”

Patrick gave him a polite nod and Seth gave him a scowl.

“We have to go.” Mahigpit akong hinawakan ni Seth sa braso at hinatak palayo sa dance floor.

“Where are we going?” I asked, struggling to pry my arm off his grip.

“Do you know how easily someone could drug you and take advantage of you?” Asik niya. His olive eyes turned hard and a shade darker.

“Chill, he’s a nice guy.” I laughed. He looked at me with slanted eyes.

“BODY SHOT! BODY SHOT!” I heard a bunch of people chanting. Pareho kaming napatingin ni Seth. There were a crowd of people around the bar, screaming and howling. Tumakbo ako papunta doon at sumunod sa akin si Seth. I saw a girl lying at the top of the bar counter. It was so fascinating to watch. Akala ko sa movie lang nangyayari ang mga ganito. Everyone cheered as the guy drank from the girl’s belly button, licked the salt between her ribcage and used his mouth to get the slice of lime from hers.

Tumayo na ang babae pagkatapos.

“Who wants to try it?” Sigaw ng lalaking nasa bar. His eyes stopped to mine and he flashed a naught grin. “You, the beautiful lady in black, do you want to try it?”

“NO!” Seth firmly said.

“Yes!” I defiantly answered. I wanted to have fun, really have fun tonight, and try something new. I felt bold and feisty tonight.

“Then come on over here.” He stretched out his hand and beckoned at me.  The crowd started cheering and felt more lively. I took his hand and he layed me down the counter top. When I looked up as layed there, I saw Seth’s eyes staring down at me with fury I’d never seen in anyone before. I gasped as he ran his finger over my stomach and it went to the hem of my dress. He lifted it up about an inch under my breasts, his hand brushed against my skin. I felt static, my hair rising all over my body—in a good way. He poured a tequila on my belly button, his gaze never leaving mine. I swallowed, nervousness started to set in. He sprinkled a little bit of salt between the exposed part of my breasts and I gently held the lime he put between my lips.

I saw his head dipped down to my stomach. I took in a sharp breath when I felt his warm lips touch my skin. It felt ticklish and tingly and good. He slurped the tequila from my stomach and I had to bite my bottom lip to keep my moan back to my throat. He lifted his head up and went for the salt between my breasts. The sensation of his tongue between my breasts gave me chills all over my body. It was so gentle and so good, my toes curled. I wanted to protest when he lifted his head back up. His head leveled to mine, he looked at me in the eyes. Now his eyes were bright and smoldering and burning through mine. Napaawang ang bibig ko ng bumaba ang ulo niya sa akin. The lime dropped and I felt his lips against mine. A sound rose from my throat and my eyes widened. It was my FIRST KISS EVER!

I felt his lips moved against mine, licking the bottom of it. My body went limp and I relaxed. I started moving mine too, mimicking his movement. I slightly opened my mouth to breathe and his tongue was immediately inside of my mouth. He delicately explored it, tasting every part of it.

Chapter Seven

Marian’s POV

“Aaaaahhhhhh!” I screamed in horror as I clutched the blanket to my chest. He was no doubt a man, judging by his built. My eyes staring widely at the muscley back next to me. He was sleeping on his stomach with his face turned away from me and his lower body covered with white sheet. I pulled the sheet and wrapped it around my body when I realized that I was only wearing bra and underwear.

MOTHER OF GOD! His skin tight grey boxers perfectly sculptured his well toned butt. He had the most perfect butt I had seen in anyone. Snap out of it, Marian. Hindi dapat yan ang iniisip mo!!!

“What the-” Tumaas ang ulo niya at humarap sa akin. A pair of lazily half opened olive eyes met mine. Napatili ako ng mas malakas ng makita ko ang mukha niya. No, this couldn’t be! He sat right up. Umurong ako palayo sa kanya at hindi ko alam na nasa dulo na ako kaya nahulog ako sa kama. I fell off the bed with a loud thud and landed on my back with my legs sprawled open.

“Marian!” Sigaw niya at gumapang siya papunta sa side ng kama kung saan ako nahulog. He stared down at me wide eyed. Bumaba ang tingin niya sa pagitan ng mga hita ko at napahugot siya ng malalim na hininga. Agad na sumara ang mga hita ko ng marealize ko kung gaano ka awkward ang posisyon ko.

“A-ano’ng ginawa mo sa akin?” Nanginginig ang boses. Kahit masakit ang  katawan ko dahil sa pagkahulog, pinilit ko ang sarili ko na umupo. Niyakap ko ang halos hubad na katawan ko at nangilid ang mga luha ko. Twenty eight years kong iningatan ang sarili ko tapos mawawala lang ng isang gabi! Ang nakakaiyak sa lahat wala pa akong maalala sa nangyari. “Walanghiya ka! Pinagsamantalahan mo ako!”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Pinagsamantalahan mo ang pagkababae ko!” I said accusingly. Tumayo siya mula sa kama at nang nasa aktong palapit na siya sa akin gumapang ako palayo sa kanya. Pinilit kong tumayo at tumakbo palabas ng kwarto

“MARIAN!” Sigaw niya mula sa likod ko habang hinahabol ako. Lalo kong binilisan ang takbo ko at binuksan ko ang pinto palabas sa unit niya. Hindi ko na naisip na naka bra at panty lang ako, all I knew was I wanted to get out of here.

Nagsisisgaw ako habang tumatakbo palabas ng unit niya at nakakailang hakbang palang ako ng tumalon siya sa akin at dinaganan ako. Nawalan ako ng balanse at pareho kaming nahulog sa sahig ng padapa.

“Hayop ka! Pakawalan mo ako!” Tili ko habang pilit na kumakawala sa ilalim niya pero mas malaki siya at mabigat siya.

“Not ’til you calm down!” Tiim bagang na bulong niya sa tainga ko. Tumayo ang mga balahibo ko ng maramdaman ko ang mainit na hininga niya.

I felt his broad and heaving chest against my back and something hard poking on my butt. Lalo akong nagpanic sa naramdaman ko. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. “Manyak ka talaga! Pakawalan mo ako! Idedemanda kita! “ My fingers clawed to the ground as I tried to crawl from under him. He put his hands on either side of my waist and held me so I wouldn’t be able to move.

“Tulungan niyo ako! Mga kapit-bahay tulungan niyo po ako!” Malakas na sigaw ko. Tumaas ang isang kamay niya para takpan ang bibig ko.

“Huwag kang mag-eskandalo dito.” Mariin na sabi niya. Pilit kong tinanggal ang kamay niya sa bibig at nang matanggal ko iyon, sumigaw ulit ako at humingi ng saklolo.

Isa-isang naglabasan ang mga tao mula sa kanilang unit. Halata ang pagkagulat sa mga mukha nila habang nakatingin sa amin. Some with disgust, some with pity, some were just curious and some looked concered.  We were in a very awkward position, in our underwears. Naramdaman kong lumuwag ang pagkahawak sa akin ni Seth sapat na para makagapang ako palayo sa kanya pero hindi ko nagawa. I just froze there. We both did.

Nagdatingan ang mga unipormadong security guards at naramdaman kong nawala ang bigat ni Seth mula sa likod ko. One of his female neighbor helped me up and wrapped a blanket on my body. Napatingin ako sa gawi ni Seth. He was pushed against the wall by two security guards with his hands hancuffed on his back like a criminal. Masama ang tingin sa kanya ng lahat ng tao habang nanonood ang mga ito na para bang pelikula sa tv.

Pinapasok niya muna ako sa unit niya at binigyan ang shirt at jogging pants na masusuot bago ako muling lumabas. Tinanong ako ng kapit-bahay niya kung okay lang ako at tango lang ang naisagot ko. Pareho kaming ibinaba ng security guard para maimbestigahan daw ang pangyayari at makapagsampa ako ng kaso. Dinala kami ng mga ito sa opisina kung saan may naghihintay sa amin na police officer.

“May mga kapit-bahay na tumawag sa security at sinabing sumisigaw ka at humihingi ng saklolo, totoo ba iyon?” Tanong ng pulis.

Napatingin ako kay Seth na tahimik na nakaupo sa silya sa harap ko. His face was unsmiling and stern. I kind of felt bad for him.

“T-totoo po.” Sagot ko.

“Tinangka ka ba niyang gahasain?” The officer bluntly asked.

His head snapped up and glared at the officer. “Fuck no!”

“Hindi ikaw ang tinatanong ko.” Masama ang titig na sabi sa kanya ng pulis bago muling tumingin sa akin at inulit ang tanong.

Tumingin ako kay Seth at tinapunan niya ako ng masamang titig. Unti-unti akong nahimasmasan sa mga pangyayari. Wala akong matandaan sa nangyari kagabi. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang ginawa niya sa akin, kung pinagsamantalahan niya ba ako o wala naman nangyari o… o posible din na ginusto ko iyon. Mali naman na maakusahan siya ng kasalanan na hindi niya naman ginawa. What I did was very impulsive and stupid.

Umiling ako. Nagkatinginan ang dalawang pulis.

Hinawakan ako ng isa sa mga pulis sa balikat. “Wala kang dapat ikatakot. Nandito kami para protektahan ka. Sabihin mo lang sa amin ang totoong nangyari para matulungan ka namin.”

“Hindi niya po ako ginahasa.” I answered.

They looked at Seth with disgust before looking back at me. “Binubugbog ka ba niya?”

“Hindi po…” Sagot ko. “Wala po siyang ginagawa sa akin.”

“Eh bakit nagsisigaw ka ng tulong kung wala siyang ginawa sa’yo.” One of the police officers impatiently and irritatedly asked. “Kung hindi ka magsasabi ng totoo, hindi ka namin matutulungan.”

“Wala po talaga.” Giit ko.

“Kasi ano… kasi…” My hands started fidgeting on my lap as I thought of an excuse. Tumingin ako kay Seth at napabuntong-hininga na lang siya.

“We were roleplaying.” Sabi ni Seth.

Nabaling ang atensyon nila ngayon kay Seth ng magsalita ito.

“Ano’ng ibig sabihin nun?” Tanong ng isang pulis.

“She was pretending to be the victim and I was pretending to be the rapist. I guess we got too caught up with roleplaying and I apologize for that. That’s what turns her on, I was just giving her what she wanted. She’s into that kind of stuff, isn’t that right, honey?” His brow shot up to me.

Naramdaman kong nag-init ang magkabilang pisngi ko at para bang gusto kong maglaho mula sa kinauupuan ko habang nakatingin sila sa akin. It was a good excuse but it was embarrassing. Tumango lang ako bilang sagot.

“It was weird at first but damn, it gets her squirting like a lawn sprinkler. She orgasms like there’s no tom-” S abi ni Seth.

“Okay, hon, I think they get your point.” Pilit na ngiting sabi ko sa kanya.Tumingin ang mga pulis sa akin na para akong isang freak show sa perya. Tahimik kong hiniling na sana lamunin na lang ako ng lupa habang nakatingin sila sa akin.

“She may look innocent but my girlfriend is a freak in bed.” Seth said with a sheepish grin. After our interogation, hinayaan na rin nila kami na umalis. We walked out of the office all lovey-dovey with his hand even wrapped around my waist para lang isipin nila na totoong may relasyon kami.

Nang makalayo na kami marahas niyang tinanggal ang kamay niyang nakapulupot sa baywang ko. “You bitch, I almost got locked up in jail because of you!” Galit na asik niya.

“Hoy, I saved you there!” I said in equal anger with my hands placed on both sides of my hips.

“Are you kidding me? Ikaw ang nagpahamak sa akin! Kung hindi ka nag-eskandalo at nagsisigaw, hindi nila iisipin na ginagahasa kita.”

“You took advantage of me!” I gave him a sharp glare. “Pinagsamantalahan mo ang kalasingan ko!”

“I didn’t do anything to you for fuck’s sake!” Lalong nagtaas ang boses niya.

“Bakit naka bra at panty na lang ako ng magising ako? Bakit nakaboxers ka lang?” Tanong ko.

“What did you do to me you asshole?”

“If I were an asshole I would’ve left you at the club last night in your pool of vomit after you puked on me.” Nakasimangot na sabi niya. “I wouldn’t have taken you home and clean you up.”

Bumalik sa alaala ko ang nangyari kagabi. I couldn’t remember everything, I could only remember some of it. Parang pelikula na tumatalon sa iba’t ibang scene. I remembered the bodyshot and being kissed by Seth. I had my first kiss last night with the guy I hated most in the world… and it was good! Wala sa sarili napakagat ako sa pang-ibabang labi ko.

And then I pushed him away but it was too late, everything I ate and drank came up my throat and onto his shirt.

I looked at him and felt embarrassed. “I-I’m sorry.”

He just looked at me with an annoyed expression as he shook his head. “You are a pain in the ass, Marian!”

Chapter Eight

Marian’s POV

Seth’s car pulled up in front of my house. The drive was really awkward. O feeling ko lang awkward pagkatapos ng mga nangyari. Last night we kissed, I woke up in his bed this morning with nothing but my bra and panties on, and he almost went to jail because people thought he was trying to take advantage of me.

I was mentally slapping myself.

“Hoy, Seth…” I nudged his arm.

He turned his head to me and he was still wearing a frown.

“Galit ka pa din sa akin?” I asked. “Sorry na, bati na tayo.”

He sighed. “Marian?”

“Bakit?” Tanong ko.

“Do you remember what happened last night?” He asked.

“Sinama mo ako sa nightclub.” I said.

“And?” His brows raised up.

“And I had a few drink and met a great guy and I danced with him.”

“And?” He pressed.

I paused. Cursing at myself when I remembered the body shot and the kiss. “Medyo malabo na ang mga nangyari pagkatapos nun. Wala na akong masyado matandaan.” I nervously laughed.

He leaned his back against his seat and sighed.

“Bakit may dapat ba akong matandaan?” Patay-malisyang tanong ko.

Umiling siya. “Nothing.”

“Okay.” Nagkibit-balikat na lang ako. Mabuting isipin niya na lang na hindi ko na wala akong naaalala sa nangyari kagabi. It would same us both from the awkwardness. Pero Diyos ko, sino ba naman makakalimot sa mga labing yan? I was half-drunk last night but I still remember how soft his lips was against my skin. How hot his breath was, how his mouth tasted, how his tongue felt against mine. I felt the heat flare between my thighs as I looked at his lips, it was the same feeling I felt last night. The sophisticated and manly scent he had that lingered inside his car only added fuel to the fire.

The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak . Parang naririnig ko ang boses ni mama na pinapangaralan ako sa isip ko. The moment my breasts bloomed and my womb bled she started lecturing me about the lust of the flesh and how I should resist immoral temptation. The flesh indeed has a mind of its own.

“So, are you just going to sit here the whole day?” One corner of his lips lifted in a smug smile.

“Ha?” I was pulled away from my thoughts. “Ito na nga bababa na.” Sabi ko at binuksan na ang pinto ng kotse.

“Marian.” Tawag niya ulit sa akin nang makababa na ako at maisara ko ang pinto ng kotse.

I turned and bent down to the open window of his car “Bakit na naman?”

“Don’t ever drink without me around.” Seryosong sabi niya.

“At bakit?”

“I wouldn’t want to miss seeing you do stupid things while your drunk.” He chuckled.

My brow shot up and smiled. “Kunwari ka pa, concerned ka lang sa akin.”

“Ha! You wish!” He snorted and scoffed. Walang sabi-sabing pinaandar niya ang kotse niya at pinaharurot. I stood there, watching until I could no longer see his car. Pumasok na ako sa bahay at ibinagsak ang katawan ko sa couch. He had tainted my virgin lips. It was just a kiss. It shouldn’t be a big deal right? Ang ikinagugulat ko ay ang naramdaman ko ng halikan niya ako. I had never felt this sexual before.

I sighed, turning the radio on to get the whole thing off my mind.

Lahat ay malilimot mo

Ngunit hindi, ngunit hindi ang…

Iyong unang halik

Unang tibok ng pusong sabik

Isang saglit lang nang matikman

Isang saglit lang, parang walang hanggan

Seriously? It was as if the song was mocking me. Inis na sinara ko ang radyo. I took the throw pillow next to me, buried my face, and screamed in frustration. That jerk! Sa pitong bilyong tao sa mundo, bakit siya pa? Pero infairness, di ko naman pwedeng i-deny na masarap talaga. He really knew what he was doing. Even now, I could still feel his lips.

What the heck is happening to me?

Seth’s POV

What the fuck is happening to me?

I wanted to slam my face against my steering wheel. What was I thinking when I kissed her last night? I felt like I had taken advantage of her drunkness. I should’ve just pulled her up and drag her out of the club.

She doesn’t remember about the kiss. It would be better if I just act like it never happened. My lips never brushed against her stomach, and her cleavage, and I never tongued her mouth. It never happened.

I swallowed, my throat suddenly dry as the memory of last night flooded my brain. I shouldn’t be feeling this way. It was just a kiss. I shouldn’t get turned on. Isa pa, hindi si Marian ang gusto ko. She was the opposite of everything I wanted in a girl. She talks a lot, she nags a lot, she bitches about everything. I mean, could you imagine how the sex would be like with a girl like her? She’d probably be complaining about everything even when in bed. She reminds me of my mother. Marinig ko lang boses niya, wala na libog ko.

Although a ball gag would probably do just fine or even just stuffing her mouth with her own underwear. Wait, why was I even thinking that? I had no plans on going to bed with her. She just wasn’t my cup of tea.

Marian’s attractive, hell I didn’t even notice she had a coke bottle body until I took her clothes off last night to clean her up. Now if she’d just pretend to be mute, I’m sure guys would be drooling at her feet.

Sunday was Marian’s off. We made a deal that I couldn’t call her to clean my condo unit in under any circumstances on a Sunday. I had nothing to do, nowhere to go, and I was bored out of my wits. The house was silence without Marian firing her mouth off like a machine gun. I needed something to do to kill time. My friends were probably at work or if not, they were probably spending their Sunday with their family. I could call one of those bimbos I met in the club but I wasn’t really in the mood right now.

A thought suddenly came to my mind. I grabbed my car key and went down the parking lot to get my car. I drove to Marian’s flower shop where she said she was always at. Sunday was the busiest day at her shop. Hindi daw kaya ng nag-iisa niyang staff kapag Linggo kaya nga iyon ang hiningi niyang off. I pulled up in front of her shop. Marian’s Flower Shop was written in big fancy golden font above the door.

I slid out of my car and went into the shop. The smell of fresh flowers instantly filled my nose the moment I opened the door. There were beautifully decorated flowers everywhere I look. Any kind of flowers you could think of, any color, any design, large bouquets, or the tiny ones for the corner of dressing tables. There were quite about six people in the shop. My eyes scanned around and saw what I was looking for. Nasa isang sulok si Marian, sa likod ng isang mesa. She was busy arraging a basket of flowers.

Lumapit ako sa kanya. “Hey, how’s it going?”

Her head shot up and her eyes widened when she saw me. “Seth! Ano’ng ginagawa mo dito?”

“I’m just looking around.” I said, picking the white lily that was on the table.

“Really?” She cocked a brow at me and took the flower from my hand. “Paano mo naman nalaman kung nasaan ang flower shop ko?”

“I asked around.” I said.

“Ano’ng kailangan mo?”

“Wala, masama bang tumingintingin dito sa shop mo?” I said. She just shrugged her shoulders and went back to arranging the flowers “Kapag binibigyan ka ba ng bulaklak binibili din nila sa’yo?”

“Wala pa naman nagbibigay sa akin ng bulaklak.”

“Kahit isa?”

“Kahit isa.” She nodded her head. “Lahat naman ng nagdadate sa akin kung hindi asshole, jerk, mentally retarded, o womanizer, eh mga katulad mo.”

“Katulad ko? What does that mean?”

“All of the above.” She rolled her eyes.

I let out a laugh. Here she goes again with her feisty mouth. The same one I kissed the other night. My laugh suddenly died down at the thought. I shouldn’t be even thinking about it. It never happened. I still felt guilty about it. An idea popped into my head to make it up to her.

“You know I think I’ll buy a bouquet of flower.” I said.

“Ano naman gagawin mo dun?”

“Kakainin ko.” I sarcastically answered. “What kind of question is that?”

She made a face at me. “Ano bang bulaklak ang gusto mo? Do you have anything particular in mind?”

“None. Maybe you can help me out? I’m giving it to someone as a gift.”

“Para ba sa babae? Maganda ang rose and carnation delight? It’s my personal favorite.” She said.

“Yeah, I’ll have that.”

She took out a couple of flowers with soft shades of pink, white and violet that were easy on the eyes. I watched as she started arranging them. Her hands worked gracefully, her fingers gently tucking and tugging. She finished it off by wrapping it in a fancy paper and tying a ribbon in the middle. I caught her biting her bottom lip as she was working on the bouquet and I for some reason, I felt my throat dry up. Damn, those lips! How tempting it was to put those wicked lips to good use. Instead of it spitting out nags and bitchy remarks.

“Tapos na. Maganda ba?” Sabi niya at inangat sa mukha ko ang bulaklak.

“It’s okay.” I said.

She rolled her eyes again. “You’re welcome. Bayaran mo na doon sa counter.” She handed me the bouquet and looked at her wrist watch. “Nako, ano’ng oras na malalate na ako sa mass.”

“May lakad ka?” I asked.

“Magsisimba ako.”

“I have nothing better to do. I’ll go with you.” Sabi ko.

“Bahala ka.” Kibit-balikat na sabi niya.

I paid for the bouquet and since Marian doesn’t have a car anymore, she rode with me to the church. It had been a long time since I went inside a church. I couldn’t even remember the last time. The mass lasted an hour and a half which to me felt like a year.

“Kanina ka pa hindi mapakali.” Marian said when the mass ended.

“The mass was too long.” I said.

“Hindi naman. Hindi ka pala-simba, ’no?” She asked.

“To be honest, I couldn’t even remember the last time I went to church. I just wasn’t raised in a religious family, I guess. I was never forced to go to church. I didn’t grow up with a religious belief.”

“Baliktad pala tayo. Relihiyoso kasi ang mga magulang ko. Ang papa ko dapat magpapari kaso hindi natuloy dahil kay mama.” She smiled. “Alam mo ba pumasok din ako noon sa kumbento. Dapat magmamadre ako.”

“What happened?” I asked.

“Nahuli kami ng madre na umiinom ng wine sa stockroom. Pinalabas kami sa kumbento kinabukasan din n’un.” She giggled.

“That was really badass.” I laughed.

“Kaya siguro hindi ako magka-boyfriend boyfriend, pinaparusahan siguro ako nina mama at papa. Gusto kasi nila talaga na magmadre ako. Lalo na si mama, gusto niyang ituloy ko ang nasimulan na ni papa.” She let out a huff. “Gusto kong magkaroon ng sarili kong pamilya balang-araw, gusto kong magkaanak. Ayaw kong tumandang dalaga.”

“Siguro kung hindi ka bungangera may magkakagusto sa’yong lalaki.”

“Grabe ka naman!” She gave a playful push on the arm. “Sa’yo lang naman ako bungagera ’no! Para ka kasing batang kailangan sundan lahat ng kilos, kung hindi ikakalat mo na naman lahat ng nilinis ko.”

“Nasa loob si father ng confessional.” She said when she turned her head to the small, enclosed booth on the corner. She took my hand and pulled me towards the booth and shoved me inside.

“What the hell are you doing?” I asked.

“Hoy, wag ka nga magmura. Mahiya ka naman, nasa simbahan tayo. Pumasok ka d’yan ng mabawasan naman ang mga kasalanan mo.” She said before closing the door. Damn that woman! Before I could get out, the priest pulled open the grid.

“Um, hey.” I awkwardly said, not knowing exactly what to say. “How are you doing?”

“Confess your sins and be forgiven.” He said. Oh what the hell. I was already here. Might as well give it a shot.

“I’ve commited a lot of sins, father. Masyadong marami kung babanggitin ko lahat iyon kaya ito na lang isa. There’s this girl. She’s a friend of mine. I took her to the club the other night, and she kind of got drunk. We made out while she was drunk. Wala siyang maalala sa nangyari kaya naguguilty dahil hindi ko sinabi sa kanya. I feel like I took advantage of her.”

“Ano ang dahilan kung bakit mo siya hinalikan?” He asked.

“Well, I—she—I honestly don’t know.” I sighed. I couldn’t even think of an excuse to tell myself. “She was acting crazy that night… she danced with a random guy and took up a dare to do a bodyshot. I just wanted to keep her out of trouble but the kiss happened. I don’t know why I did that.”

“Dahil ba gusto mo siya?”

“NO!” I instantly answered. “No, father. She’s loud, she’s annoying and she’s kind of a bitch someti- I’m sorry for swearing…  but she makes great sandwiches, she keeps my place clean, she’s okay when she’s not being annoying, and she’s… beautiful.” It just slipped right out of my mouth. I had to pause for a few second to take in what I just said. “But she’s not someone I would like. I swear, father. She’s not my cup of tea. You won’t tell anyone everything I told you, right father?” I asked, slightly embarrassed.

“Walang ibang makakaalam nito. I would violate the seal of confession if I tell anyone. For your penance, pray five Hail Marys and one Our Father.”

“I will. It was nice talking to you, father. Thank you for listening. Have a nice day.” I said before opening the door and stepping out. Marian greeted me with a smile on her face.

Marian’s POV

I stepped inside the confessional after Seth got out of it. The leather cussion of the kneeler made a sound when I knelt on it.

“Forgive me father for I have sinned.” I bowed my head down.

“Confess your sin.” I heard him say from the other side of the divider.

I took in a deep breath. My heart pounded like crazy. Hindi ito ang unang beses kong mag-confess pero ito na yata ang pinakamalala kong icoconfess. “Father, I have impure thoughts. It all started after I had my first kiss the other night. Hindi po mawala sa isip iyon. Mali po ang ginawa kong makipaghalikan sa kanya kahit wala naman ako ng nararamdaman para sa kanya. Pero father, masarap po talaga siyang humalik. Hindi ko talaga makalimutan at kung anu-ano po ang pumapasok sa isip ko. Sumagi din po sa isip ko kung ano ang posibleng mangyari kung hindi namin na pigil ang sarili namin.” Anything could’ve happened that night. I woke up in his bed next to him in my underwears.

“Tao lang tayo. Hindi natin maiiwasan ang temptasyon, kahit saan tayo lumingon nandoon iyon. Hindi nga ba, kahit ang anak ng Diyos ay sinubukan tuksuhin ng demonyo? Ang tangi mong magagawa ay ang umiwas sa tuksong iyon.”

“Paano ko po maiiwasan ang tukso?” Kung nandyan lang siya sa labas.

“Magdasal ka.”

“Paano, father, kung may nararamdaman na ako para sa kanya?”

“Para kanino?”

“Sa tukso ko, father. Paano kung nagkakagusto ko na siya kahit na makalat siya, kahit nakakainis siya minsan, kahit palagi niya akong inaasar, kahit hindi kami magkasundo?”

“Hija, pari ako, hindi ako si papa Jack.” Sabi niya.

“Father, kayo ah. Nakikinig pala kayo kay papa Jack.” 

“Hindi mali ang magkagusto sa isang tao, hindi mo masasabi baka iyon na ang taong inilaan para sa’yo. Pero, hija, dapat alam mo din ang limitasyon mo. For your penance, pray three hail marys and one Our father. Bless you and may you sin no more.”

“Salamat, father.” Sabi ko.

Hindi ko na makita si Seth ng makalabas ako ng confessional. Lumabas ako sa simbahan at doon ko siya nakita, nakatayo sa harap ng wishing well. I sighed, ang tukso ko. I honestly never thought I felt that way for him until a minute ago when I was confessing it.

Tumakbo ako palapit sa kanya.

“Ano’ng ginagawa mo d’yan?” I asked.

“Nag-wish ako.” Sagot niya.

“Ano’ng wish mo?”

“Sana magka-boyfriend ka na.”

“Talaga?” I was touched. Malay mo siya pa ang sagot sa wish na iyon.

“Oo, kaso binato pabalik sa akin yung barya.” He snorted.

I frowned, hitting him on the arm. “Jerk!”

He laughed wrapping his arm around my shoulder. Oh my god! I bet we looked like a couple. Hindi niya tinanggal ang bisig niya sa akin hanggang makabalik kami sa kotse. 

“I want you to have this.” He reached for the bouquet of flowers that was on the back of his car and he gave it to me.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa gulat ng ibigay niya sa akin iyon. I was kind of expecting he’d give it to me but still I was surprised. “Bakit?”

“Kasi sabi mo hindi ka pa nakakatanggap ng bulaklak. So there.”

“Thank you.” I smiled at him. Pero sa loob loob ko gusto kong magtatalon sa kilig. I felt like my heart was going burst out of my chest.

Chapter Nine

Marian’s POV

Kinikilig pa rin ako hanggang ngayon habang hawak ko ang bulaklak na ibinigay sa akin ni Seth. He was the first guy to ever give me flowers. We stopped by a restaurant after going to church and had lunch. I felt like this was a date kahit hindi naman. Hindi naman siguro masamang mag-ilusyon?

I turned my head to Seth. His eyes were fixed on the road as he drove. Why does this jerk have to be beautiful and dreamy? Okay, so I guess I was having a crush on him. Big surprise. Who wouldn’t have a crush on a man who looks like that? I was sure women melt in the street at his feet daily.

“What?” He asked with his eyes still fixed on the road.

“Ano?”

“Why are you staring at me?” Asiwang sabi niya. “Naiilang ako sa’yo.”

“Oh, I just want to say thank you to you.” Medyo nahihiyang sabi ko. “I really had a great time with you, Seth.”

His lips lifted slightly. “Ano’ng thank you? Next time it’s your treat.”

Oh my god! I squealed inside. My next time pa?! “Bakit ako? Ikaw ang mayaman d’yan?”

He opened his mouth to say something but his phone rang. He took it out of his pocket with his right hand while his left was still on the steering wheel. “Mom?” There was a sudden panic on his face. “What? What kind of emergency?” His voice boomed throughout the car. “Mom, tell me! Are you okay? Is Dad okay?” He asked with worry in his voice. “Are you sure you’re all okay?… I’ll be right there as soon as I can.” At ibinaba niya na ang phone.

“Ano’ng nangyari?” Tanong ko sa kanya.

“I don’t know.” Kibit-balikat na sabi niya pero halata sa mukha ang pag-aalala. “They won’t tell me what’s going on.”

Hindi na ako nag-usisa pa. Bumilis ang takbo ng kotse niya. Seth seemed more serious, like he couldn’t be bothered. He was too focuse on the road. It took me thirty minutes to notice na hindi na pamilyar sa akin ang mga dinadaanan namin. In fact, we were going the opposite way.

“Seth, where are we going?” Tanong ko.

He cursed under his breath. “I forgot you were there.”

“Saan nga tayo pupunta?”

“I’m going to my parent’s.” He answered. “I can’t drop you off your house now. It would take me another hour. Nagmamadali ako.”

“Ibaba mo na lang kaya ako d’yan sa tabi. Magtataxi na lang ako.”

“No.” He gave me a quick glance before turning his attention back on the road. “Madilim na. Baka sa tarantadong driver ka pa masakay.”

“Paano ako makakauwi niyan?” Nakakunot ang noong tanong ko.

“You’d just have to come with me. This would be quick, I’ll take you home as soon as I find out what’s going on. I promise.” He sighed.

“Sige na nga. Basta hahatid mo ko ah.” Pagsisiguro ko. Mahirap ng humanap ng taxi pag ganitong gabi na at sa lugar na hindi ko kabisado. Sabi niya naman sandali lang daw kami sa pupuntahan niya kaya pumayag na din ako.

Minutes turned into an hour but we were still on the road. Hindi ko naman siya makulit dahil mukhang alalang-alala at seryoso siya. I didn’t realize I had fallen asleep until he woke me up. I felt him shook my shoulder and my head instantly shot up.

We were parked in front of an elegant country house made of natural stones and bricks. Sandali akong hindi nakagalaw sa kinauupuaan ko habang nakatingin sa malaking bahay sa harap ko. I’d never seen a house as beautiful and grand as this.

“Marian, come on, we need to get inside.” He said as if in a hurry.

“Kaninong bahay yan?” Tanong ko nakatingin pa rin dito.

“My parents’.” Sagot niya at binuksan na ang pinto ng kotse. He got out of his car at nagmamadaling sumunod ako sa kanya. His steps were big and fast, I was almost out breath when I caught up to him. He pushed the front door to the house open.

“Mom! Dad!” Sigaw niya pagpasok sa loob.

Agad na sumalubong sa amin ang mabangong amoy ng pagkain. I didn’t know what food it was but it smelled delicious. I felt my mouth water and my stomach grumble. I hardly even noticed the elegant interior of the house.

“Seth, deary.” Isang babae ang agad na lumapit sa amin. She looked like she was in her late 40s, she was tall, slender, and every move she made screamed sophistication- kahit ang paggalaw ng baywang niya habang naglalakad siya palapit sa amin. She was one of those women who had aged beautifully and gracefully. Kahit na alam mong may edad na siya, maganda pa din siya. She had even probably modeled during her younger years.

“Mom! What happened? Where’s dad?” Bakas sa boses ni Seth ang pag-aalala.

“He’s watching tv in the living room.” Nakangiting sabi ng ginang bago humalik sa pisngi ni Seth. “We missed you so much.”

“Ano’ng emergency ang sinasabi niyo?” Seth slightly raised his voice in what sounded like frustration as he looked at his mother.

“Hindi ka na namin nakikita ng daddy mo. Minsan ka na lang bumibisita sa amin.” The lady sounded upset. “It’s our anniversary today and we just want to spend some time with our unica hijo.”

“There’s no emergency?” Seth asked.

“None. I’m sorry I lied to you. Gusto ka lang talaga namin makasama ngayon.” His mother said and her eyes suddenly averted to me, finally noticing my presence. “You even brought company with you. Hello there, sweetheart.” She warmly said before giving me a cheek to cheek kiss. “I’m Elizabeth Fonacier, Seth’s mother.”

“Hi po, Mrs. Fonacier.” Medyo nahihiyang sabi ko.

“Just call me tita Liza.” She said. “Are you my son’s girlfriend?”

“Hindi po. Magkaibigan lang po kami.” Agad na sagot ko. I felt myself blushing. Why was I blushing? “Ako nga po pala si Marian.”

“Please to meet you, darling.” She sweetly said. “I’m sorry. It’s just that you’re the first woman he’d ever brought home.”

“I was panicking. You told me it was an emergency, akala ko kung ano na ang nangyari sa’yo o kay daddy.” Sabi ni Seth.

“It’s an emergency dinner.” His mother laughed. “Let’s just have our supper. Kanina pa naghihintay ang pagkain.”

Tinawag ni Tita Liza ang asawa niya at lumabas ito mula sa living room. Kamukha niya si Seth. He looked of some Spanish descent, just like Seth. Kahit halatang may edad na, he was still attractive. He probably looked like a hollywood star in his younger years. I mean, right now, he still does.

“You didn’t tell us you were going to bring a date.” Nakangiting sabi ng tatay ni Seth habang nakatingin siya sa akin.

“You told me this was an emergency.” Seth sarcastically said.

“You hardly visit us anymore. If we tell you that we just want to have dinner with you sasabihin mo na naman sa weekened na hanggang sa makalimutan mo na.” His dad sighed. “It’s our anniversary today. Iregalo mo na lang sa amin ito.”

Seth shrugged. “I’m already know. It’s not like I can do something about it now.”

“So who is this fine lady you’re with?” His father asked returning his eyes on me.

“Marian, a friend.” Matipid na sagot ni Seth.

Before his dad could talk again, an alarm went off in the kitchen.

“Oh, the chicken is ready.” Sabi ni tita Liza bago tumalikod papunta sa kusina. Seth’s dad took us to the dining table. I sat next to Seth and he sat on the opposite side of the round table. Pagkaraan ng ilang sandali ay lumabas si tita Liza dala ang isang malaking chicken. It smelled delicious, my tummy began to grumble in anticipation. We’d been on the road for hours kaya siguro gutom na ulit ako kahit kakakain lang namin bago umalis.

Ibinaba niya iyon sa mesa kung saan nakahanda na ang mashed potatoes and gravy, some sauted vegetables in butter, salad ,and pasta. Tita Liza sat next to her husband. And then there helper started serving us a bowl of soup. It was a clear with flower petals floating on it. I took the spoon and tasted it. It didn’t have much taste… it was actually bland. This was rich people food and I just wasn’t used to it, I thought. Kinain ko pa ang mga petals na lumulutang, it was crispy, it at least added a little taste and texture to the soup.

Humigop ulit ako ng sabaw bago ako nag-angat ng tingin sa akin. Seth was grinning next to me while the his parents were just staring at me.

“Ang sarap po ng soup. Kayo po ba gumawa nito?” Tanong ko sa mommy ni Seth. Of course, it wasn’t true, I was just trying to be polite.

“Um, darling, it’s a fingerbowl.” Tita Liza faltered.

I looked at her, confused.

“You dip your hands in it before eating.” She said, showing it to me.

I could feel my cheeks burning in embarrassment. Lalo akong nahiya ng marinig ko ang pigil na hagikgik ni Seth sa tabi ko. I elbowed him in annoyance. He should’ve told me. Nag-eenjoy talaga ’tong gagong ’to pag nagmumukha akong tanga.

“Ah…” Iyon na lang ang nasabi ko. “Pero masarap po talaga siya.” I said, trying to cover up my shame.

Tita Liza just smiled at me, understandingly. They must’ve thought I was retarded. I was internally face palming myself.

The dinner went on without thankfully, bringing it up. Tita Liza’s food were all delicious. She inherited the recipe to her chicken from her grandmother, she was the one who made the mashed potatoes aand it was so good, her pasta was to die for. Sabi niya cooking daw talaga ang passion niya.

“What about you Marian, what do you do?” Seth’s, tito Nelson, asked.

“May flower shop po ako.” I answered politely.

“That’s nice. I love flowers. Maybe I’d stop by your shop sometime” Nakangiting sabi ni tita Liza.

“Why flower shop?” Tanong ni tito Nelson. “Ano ba ang natapos mong kurso?”

“I have a degree in botany. The flowershop has been our family’s business since I could remember kaya tinuloy ko na lang. Kilala na rin naman po kasi ang flowershop kaya marami na kaming regular customers.”

Seth’s father slowly nodded. “That’s good. Iyon nga ang sinasabi ko kay Seth, kung pipili siya ng babae, piliin niya yung may utak. Don’t choose beauty and boobs instead of beauty and brain.” Sabi ni tito Nelson bago binaling ang atensyon kay Seth. “Every woman can have big breasts, every woman has a vagina pero iilan lang ang may utak. Her mindset will raise your children and not her body.”

“Nelson, this shouldn’t be discussed in front of the food and certainly not in front of our guest.” Mahinahon pero mariin na sabi niya.

“I apologize for my lack of manners, hija.” His dad said.

“Totoo naman po ang mga sinasabi niya. Marami naman po talagang babae ang mass malaki pa ang dibdib kaysa sa utak nila.” I chuckled. “Katulad na lang po ng mga dinadala ng anak niyo sa condo niya.”

“Marian!” Inis na sabi ni Seth.

“Bakit? Totoo naman ah.” I rolled my eyes at him.

Narinig ko ang malakas na tawa ng daddy ni Seth. “You know what, Marian, I like you.”

His parents were cool and laidback. Akala ko nga noong una mahihirapan akong makihalubilo sa kanila dahil nga mga alta. I thought they’d be rigid and uptight but I was wrong. The dinner ended well and his parents’ liked me. Nag-aya ng umuwi si Seth nang matapos ang dinner.

“Honey, you should stay for the night. Magmamadaling-araw na at baka kung ano ang manyari sa inyo sa daan.” Tita Liza said.

“Mom, I need to drop Marian off her house.” Dahilan niya.

“Marian, honey, magpalipas muna kayo ng gabi dito, please. Delikado nang umuwi ng ganitong oras.” Pakiusap nito sa akin. I looked at Seth, not knowing what to say. Bumuntong-hininga si Seth bago umiling. I couldn’t say no to tita Liza.

“S-sige po.” I couldn’t say no to tita Liza.

She smiled and I heard Seth make a low grunt of annoyance.

“Saan naman matutulog si Marian?” Tanong ni Seth.

“She could sleep in Abuela’s room.” Sagot ng mommy niya “Why don’t you take her to her room, Seth.”

“Okay.” Parang walang ganang sabi nito. “Come on.” Sabi niya bago tumalikod at sinundan ko naman siya. We walked up the stair and into the hallway.

“Sino si Abuela?” I curiously asked.

“My grandmother.” He answered.

“Abuela ang pangalan niya?”

“No, it means lola in spanish. She’s a pure Spaniard, limited lang ang alam niyang tagalog.”

“Nandun din ba siya?”

“She died a year ago in her room. She just slept and never woke up.” Pagkasabi nun ay huminto kami sa isang pinto.

Napahawak ako sa braso ni Seth. “Yan ka na naman, tinatakot mo lang ako.”

His lips lifted into a smirk. “I’m not trying to scare you.” Binuksan niya ang pinto. “Magpahinga ka na. Maaga pa tayong aalis bukas.”

I swallowed before stepping into the room. Kinapa ko ang switch ng ilaw at binuksan ito. Mukhang antique ang mga gamit sa loob ng kwarto. There was a huge bed in the middle of it and a Victorian style rocking chair on the left just beside the window.

“Don’t worry, babantayan ka naman ni Abuela habang natutulog ka. Goodnight, Marian. If you need anything I’ll be in the room on your left.” Sabi ni Seth bago isinara ang pinto.

My heart started to beat a little faster as I walked into the room. Pinakiramdaman ko ang kwarto at sinubukan kong palakasin ang loob ko. Dahan-dahan akong umupo sa gilid ng kama. This was probably the bed where she died. I silently gave myself a pep talk as I layed on the bed. Kung nandito nga talaga ang multo ni Abuela wala naman siyang magagawa dahil multo na lang siya. Ghosts can’t harm people.

Sinubukan kong isara ang mga mata ko pero lalong naging active ang imagination ko. I imagined an old lady taking her last breath on this very same bed. I opened my eyes again. Halos mahulog ako sa kama ng tumambad sa mukha ko ang picture ng matandang babae na nakapatong sa bedside table. At tuluyan na akong nahulog sa kama ng gumalaw ang rocking chair sa tabi ng bintana. The window was open and it was windy but my overactive imagination said it was something else. I couldn’t take it anymore. Alam kong hindi ako makakatulog dito. I’d probably die of heart attack.

Tumakbo ako palabas ng kwarto at sinubukan kong buksan ang katabing pinto sa kaliwa ko. Nakita ko si Seth na nakadapa sa kama at tulog na tulog na. He wasn’t wearing anything but his boxers. I found myself biting my lower lip.

Have mercy on me, oh Lord for I am weak.

Nagkatabi na naman kami na halos wala din kaming damit. Isang gabi lang naman tiyaka wala naman malisya ito. Maingat at dahan-dahan akong pumatong sa kama at humiga sa maliit na space sa tabi niya. Tumalikod ako sa kanya at ipinikit ko na ang mga mata ko. I was ready to doze off to sleep when I felt an arm circling around my waist and another cupping my breast. Napasinghap ako. He cupped my virgin breast!

Be merciful unto me, O God, for a man would swallow me up.

Chapter Ten

Seth’s POV

A hard smack on the face woke me right the fuck up. With my hand on my stinging cheek, I jerked up like a bolt of lightning. I could see, with moonlight shining through the window, an outline of a person. My eyes adjusted to the dark and I saw Marian sitting next to me. I reached for the lampshade next to my bed and switched it on.

“What the hell are you doing?” I asked in an irritated tone.

“Manyak ka talaga! Bastos ka!” She angrily said, hugging herself.

“What did I do?” My brows wrinkled.

“Ano’ng what did you do? Huwag kang magmaang-maangan! Kunwari ka pang wala kang alam, alam mo ginawa mo!” Ugh, her voice was like an annoying dog who wouldn’t stop barking.

“Hindi ako magtatanong sa’yo kung alam ko ang ginawa ko. What are you doing here anyway? This is my room.” I said, combing my fingers through my aching head.

“Sinadya mo lahat ’to. Tinakot mo ako para pumunta ako dito, para tumabi ako sa’yo at mahawakan mo ang… ang boobs ko.” She said, hugging herself tighter.

I gave her a snide grin, my eyes lowering to her breasts. “You call that boobs? Akala ko pantal.”

Galit na kinuha niya ang unan sa tabi niya at ipinalo niya sa akin. “Hoy, ang kapal ng mukha mo! Palibhasa, di ka pa kasi nakakakita ng natural boobs. Puro mga siliconed boobs ang nakikita at nahahawakan mo.”

“Sige nga, patingin nga ng sa’yo.” I said, teasing her.

“Neknek mo! Over my dead body.”

“Meh, I’m not into necrophilia.” I chuckled. “At hinding-hindi ko pagnanasahan yang boobs mo. Nakita mong natutulog ako, malay ko bang nandyan ang boobs mo. Ikaw yata itong may balak sa akin.”

“Ang kapal talaga ng mukha mo. Gwapong-gwapo ka talaga sa sarili mo, ’no?”

I stretched out my arms and yawned, drowsiness overtaking me. “Go back to your room, I want to go to sleep. Maaga pa tayo aalis bukas.”

“Ayoko.” Mahinang sabi niya.

“I’m tired, Marian.” Humiga na ulit ako sa kama.

“Minumulto ako ni Abuela mo.” She said, almost in a whisper.

“Don’t you think you’re a little too old to believe in ghosts? Walang multo, Marian. Go back to Abuela’s room.”

“Dito na lang ako.”

“Ayoko ng may katabi.”

“Huwag ka ngang maarte. Nagtabi na naman tayo noon.”

“Wala akong choice noon.” I sighed.

“Basta dito ako matutulog.” She said. Kumuha siya ng unan at inilagay iyon sa pagitan namin. “That’s your space and this is mine. Huwag kang lalagpas dito.”

I was too tired to argue with her. Pinabayaan ko na siya sa gusto niya at ipinikit ko na ang mga mata ko. I felt her laying down on the bed and I caught a whiff of her scent. My sleepiness suddenly went away, woke me up faster than a bucket of cold water. It was so womanly and natural. Her scent was suddenly all around me, sweetly and cruelly surrounding me.

It wasn’t like this when we first slept in bed together, she smelt of smoke and alcohol from the club. Now it was different. She smelled so good, I figured she’d taste even better. Suddenly I found it hard to breathe. My body went stiff at that inappropriate thought. I shifted, turning my back to her so I wouldn’t be able smell her scent.

“Seth.” I heard her call me.

“Mmm?” I replied with a lazy moan.

“Di ka man lang magsosorry sa akin?” She said.

“Sorry for what?” I scowled.

“For touching my breast!”

“I’m not responsible for my actions while I’m asleep.” I said. A part of me wished I felt how soft her breast were in my palm. I swallowed, forcing the thought away.

“Kahit na. Dapat mag-sorry ka pa rin.”

“Would you shut up and let me sleep if I apologize?”

“Maybe.”

“I’m sorry for accidentally touching your non-existent breast.”

“Magsosorry na nga lang, may dagdag pang insulto.” She mumbled.

There was only silence after that. Maybe, she’d gone to sleep but me, I couldn’t go back to sleep even if I wanted to. I tried to shut my eyes real tight and started counting sheeps. I counted to 67 before I deciding to stop and give up.

“Marian?” I wanted to make sure if she was already asleep.

“Bakit?” Narinig kong sabi niya.

It took me a good thirty seconds before I thought of what to say to her. “Don’t you think you should apologize to me too?”

“Bakit ako magsosorry sa’yo?”

“You slapped me in the face.” I said.

“I’m sorry.” She said. “But I think you deserve that.”

“You’re such a bitch.” I murmured.

“Seth, kahit kailan ba hindi mo talaga ako pinagnasahan? Not even that night when I was sleeping next to you in only my underwears?” She asked.

“NO!” I instantly answered. I swallowed again, feeling the temperature in the room rising. My breathing became shallow and tight in my chest.

“Kahit konti? You’ve never thought of doing anything naughty to me?”

“Hell no! Why are you even asking me these questions?” Iritang sabi ko. I could feel droplets of sweat forming on my forehead even though it was cold in my room. My boxers tightened, I closed my eyes and thought of other things. Anything to turn me off and distract me. My parents in the other room, my Abuela, my terror professor in college Mrs. Montoya.

“Is it my breasts? Kapag ba nagpa breast implant ako, may chance na pagnasahan mo ako?”

“Where are all these questions coming from?”

“Wala lang, naisip ko lang.” I heard her taking a deep breath. “Hindi naman daw ako pangit. Ano bang kulang sa akin? Ano bang mali sa akin? Do I need bigger breasts? Bakit ba walang magkagusto-gusto sa akin?”

“Here we go again.” I sighed.

“Seryoso ako, Seth. Sa’yo ko itinatanong kasi lalaki ka.” The bed move as she shifted her position.

“Stay in your space.” I suddenly felt threatened when she moved closer to me. It was already driving me mad having to lie next to her.

“Seth, why aren’t men attracted to me?” She asked.

“Hindi ko alam.” I said in a stoic tone. “I’m going to sleep.”

“Seth, huwag mo muna akong tulugan.” I felt her lean over my arm the same time I shifted to my back. Dumausdos siya sa dibdib ko at muntik ng sumubsob ang mukha niya sa akin pero mabilis niyang napigilan iyon gamit ang kamay niya. Our faces were only inches apart. I could smell her sweet breath, the way a breath’s supposed to smell after brushing without that toothpaste scent. I could feel her warm inhale and exhale against my own lips. My throat had suddenly gone dry and I had to swallow.

She propped herself up with her hand, mumbling a soft apology. She threw herself next to me and just silently layed there. I was seized by an urge to get on top of her but it wouldn’t be right. Suddenly it was hard to breathe. I closed my eyes, breathing in a lung full of air. I didn’t know how I was able to sleep that night but fortunately, I did.

Marian’s POV

It was getting colder so I cuddled closer to the warmth next to me. Kuntentong idiniin ko pa ang katawan ko sa init na iyon. The warmth felt so good and comfy against my body that it made me want to stay a little longer in bed.

Five more minutes. Sabi ko sa sarili ko. Ang sarap talaga ng panahon na ganito. Malamig ang hangin at nakabalot ka sa mainit na kumot. It always makes me want to stay in bed the whole day with my favorite blanket around me while I watch a movie or read a book.

Halos mapatili ako ng maramdaman kong may gumalaw sa likod ko. It wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer. Binuksan ko ang mga mata ko at doon ko nakita na nakahilig ang ulo ko sa hubad na dibdib ni Seth, nakasiksik ako sa tagiliran niya, at nakapulupot ang isang hita ko sa baywang niya. Wala nang unan sa pagitan namin ang naghihiwalay sa amin. I liked the feeling. Ang sarap pala ng pakiramdam na magising kang nakapulupot sa bisig ng isang lalaki. Would it feel like this every morning with my future husband?

I should be getting up now but I couldn’t. My body loved the warmth, my mind loved the feeling… Would it be wrong if I stay for a few more minutes? Ang bango-bango niya. I took in a deep breath. There was a faint hint of an expensive men’s cologne he probably wore yesterday mixed with his natural manly scent.

Naramdaman ko ang paghagod ng kamay niya sa likod ko pataas sa buhok ko. It sent shivers down my spine. Instictively, napasinghap ako sa sensasyon.

Biglang parang napaso ang mga kamay na iyon at inilayo niya iyon. Seth sat up like a jack-in-the-box.

“Good morning?” I said, still a bit hazed.

“Get up, we’re leaving early.” He scowled before jumping out of bed and going through the door to the bathroom. Sungit!

Bumangon ako sa kama at niligpit ko ang mga pinaghigaan namin. Lumabas ako nang kwarto at dumaan sa kwarto ni Abuela para maghilamos at nagmumog ng mouthwash sa bathroom. Natatakot pa din ako pero hindi na gaano dahil maliwanag na, nagmamadali akong lumabas sa kwarto na iyon nang matapos ako. Nakakahiya naman kasing bumaba ako ng may muta pa at morning breath.

Bumaba ako sa kusina at nakita ang kasambahay na naghahanda ng almusal. Nakahanda sa ibabaw ng mesa ang french toasts, poached eggs at iba’t ibang prutas. I knew those wouldn’t be enough for Seth. Matakaw si Seth, hindi halata sa katawan niya dahil palagi siyang nagwowork out pero sobrang takaw niya.

I asked if they had any bacon, sausage and spam and the maid told me they did. Inilabas niya ang mga hiningi ko at niluto ko iyon. Habang nagluluto ako ay pumasok sa kusina si tita Liza.

“O, bakit ikaw nagluluto d’yan? Hindi mo ba gusto ang almusal?” She asked.

“Para po sa anak niyo ’to. Appetizer lang po ni Seth ang nakahandang almusal doon.” Natatawang sabi ko.

She leaned against the counter next to me and gave me a slight smile. “Sigurado ka bang hindi ka girlfriend ng anak ko?”

“Nako, positive! Hindi po talaga. PA niya lang po ako, promise.” Agad na sagot ko, halos mahulog ko na ang hawak kong spatula sa tanong ni tita Liza.

“Gusto kita para kay Seth.” She smiled even wider, warmer. “Alam kong kagabi pa lang tayo nagkakilala pero ang gaan ng loob ko sa’yo. My son is like his father. A little boy stuck in a grown man’s body. I can see that you can take good care of him.”

“Ginagawa ko lang po ang trabaho ko. At saka, yaya po ang kailangan ng anak niyo, hindi girlfriend.” Sabi ko at natawa si tita Liza. Masaya kaming nag-uusap ni tita Liza nang bumaba na ang asawa niya, ilang minuto lang ay si Seth naman ang bumaba. We served the food I cooked and we all had breakfast together.

Chapter Eleven

Seth’s POV

Something was different, something had changed. I couldn’t put my finger on it but I knew something had changed with the way I see Marian. I couldn’t help but glance at her every chance I get. Like right now while she was mopping the floor. She was in her usual loose white shirt and shorts, her hair tied up in a ponytail, sweat dripping down from her forehad to her neck. Nothing should be sexy about this…

“Yung paa mo.” She frowned as she mopped between the coffee table and the couch I was sitting on. Itinaas ko ang mga paa ko sa coffee table at aksidenteng nasangga ang isang baso ng tubig na nakapantong doon. Bumagsak iyon sa sahig at nabasag. “Seth naman! You’re so careless. Kapag ikaw talaga gumawala, kung hindi nagkakalat, sumisira ka ng gamit. Para ka talagang bata.” Inis na sabi niya. She bent over to pick up the shards of glasses. Her shorts hitched up giving me a glimpse of her blue panties. I couldn’t turn my head away kahit alam kong mali. I could stare at this all day.

Pull yourself together, man.

Damn, this was Marian, not some random woman I take out of the club and to my bed. Marian, my house cleaner!

She straightened up after picking up the broken glasses and that was when I took a deep inhale, as if I was holding my breath while I was staring at her nice ass. Bumalik siya na may dala-dalang walis at winalis pa ang mga natirang bubog bago siya nag mop ulit.

“Seth, gusto ko na umuwi ah! Di ko na napapanood ang favorite kong teleserye dahil sa’yo. Huwag ka ng magkakalat.” She said as she was mopping the floor. She looked at me with a scowl on her face.

I nodded my head. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kanya at tinuon ang pansin ko sa tv sa harap ko. She blocked it with her body and put her hand on her waist.

“Hoy, kanina ka pa walang kibo d’yan. Hindi ko alam kung nakikinig ka ba o nakikipag-usap na lang ako sa hangin.” Sabi niya.

“Marian, I’m watching!” I groaned.

“May problema ka ba? Bakit ba ang tahimik mo ngayon?”

“Wala.” Nakaismid na sagot ko.

“Teka, baka naman may lagnat ka.” She walked to where I was sitting and felt my neck with the back of her head. I instantly jerked away.

“I’m not sick!” My brows wrinkled. “Kapag nagsasalita ako, ayaw mo. Kapag naman tahimik ako, ayaw mo din.”

“Naninibago lang ako. Saka hindi tayo nag-aaway ngayon, nakakamiss din pala.” She laughed.

“I’m not in the mood. Just do what you have to do and leave.” Sabi ko.

“Ang sungit mo talaga ngayon, siguro meron ka!” She mumbled as she continued mopping the floor.

I limped against the couch as soon as she moved away from where I was seating. Why was I suddenly all tensed up around Marian? Something had really changed. I didn’t know why I was feeling this way.

Marian’s POV

I pushed down the door handle to Seth’s unit. Hindi na ako nagulat nang malaman kong hindi naka-lock iyon. Seth had always been careless. He forgets things, misplace them, or lose them. We were the complete opposite of each other. Kaya nga siguro madalas kaming magtalo. I double check everything, triple even. I always check twice if my door is lock before I go to bed. I never misplace anything, I have a space in my house where I put everything I might need later on so I wouldn’t have a hard time finding it. My house was always clean and organized. Maybe I really have a mild form of OCD.

Pumasok ako sa unit at agad bumungad sa akin ang kalat na mga damit ni Seth. Hindi na bago iyo sa akin. Kung maghubad yun parang ahas na nagbabalat. Kung saan-saan lang ibinabato ang mga damit. I picked up the trail of clothes he left as I was walking inside. Inayos ko ang sapatos niya na nakakalat sa pinto. Dinampot ko ang pantalon niya, boxers, at t-shirt. I picked up a blue fabric on the floor and paused when I figured out that it was a dress, a size zero halter dress of a woman. I didn’t know why but I felt like my heart was being squeezed. Nakakailang hakbang pa lang at ang itim na thongs naman ang sumalubong sa akin.

“Seth… Oh God, Seth… please… please, more…” Mahinang ungol ng boses ng isang babae sa loob ng kwarto ni Seth.

Napatingin ako sa pinto ng kwarto niya. I wanted to ignore it but I couldn’t. I slowly walked in front of his door. Mula sa labas ng pinto ay rinig ko ang mga ulo ng babae at ni Seth, ang paggalaw ng kama, ang pagkaluskos ng kobre kama. I was a virgin but I wasn’t stupid. I knew what they were doing inside his room.

My chest suddenly felt heavy. I felt like my lungs had run out of air. Para akong naubusan ng lakas, nanghina ang mga tuhod ko at nagmamadali akong naglakad papunta sa couch na ilang hakbang lang ang layo mula sa pinto ng kwarto niya. Ibinagsak ko ang sarili ko sa ibabaw nito.

The faint noises coming from the bedroom was making my heart ache. Why was I feeling this way? Ano naman kung may katalik si Seth sa loob ng kwarto niya? There was nothing going on between us and there would never be.

Siya lang naman ang first kiss ko, the first ever guy who gave me flowers, the first to touch my virgin breast… Ano naman ngayon, di ba? All that meant nothing to him, he had done those to hundreds of women before, and it shouldn’t mean anything to me too.

Maya-maya pa ay tumigil na ang ingay, ilang minuto pagkatapos nun bumukas ang pinto. Seth walked through the door wearing sweatpants and a black shirt. Behind her was a pretty woman, the kind of pretty you see in catalogue magazines, with only a black towel wrapped around her body.

“Who is she?” The woman asked when she saw me.

Tumingin sa akin si Seth at nagtama ang mga mata namin. I quickly looked away, afraid he’d see my emotions through my eyes.

“She’s my house cleaner.” He said, his word felt cold and stiff.

“Have you seen my dress?” His company asked, her eyes scanning the floor.

“Dinampot ko, lalabhan ko sana.” Hinanap ko ang dress niya sa mga damit na hawak ko at inabot ko iyon sa kanya.

She gave me a smile and took her dress. “Thanks.”

Isinuot niya ang mga damit niya at umalis na sila ni Seth. Naiwan akong mag-isa sa condo. Why did I feel like I wanted to cry as I was watching them leave? Bakit ang bigat bigat sa dibdib?

Huminga ako ng malalim at tumayo mula sa kinauupuan ko. I needed to finish my work so I could leave early. Ayaw ko ng maabutan si Seth. Nilagay ko sa labahan ang mga madudumi niyang damit, naglinis ako ng living room, at ng kusina. My heart pounded like a hammer as I walked towards Seth’s bedroom. Ang kwartong ginamit niya at ng mukhang kabayong babaeng kasama niya. I was afraid to see what was left behind after using that room for their carnal pleasure.

I pushed the door open. Sumalubong sa akin ang gusot na kumot ng kama at ang kalat-kalat na unan. The smell of fresh sex lingered in the room; a mix of his cologne, a woman’s perfume, their sweat, and something musty. I forced myself to step into the room. I wanted to get this over with. Mabilis kong pinalitan ang kobre kama niya. Nang magwalis ako sa ilalim ng kama I saw two used condoms with his essence.

My heart felt really heavy. As if it had been dropped out onto my lap. Bakit ganito kasakit? Was I falling for him? Naguguluhan ako. Hindi ko alam kung ano ’tong nararamdaman ko pero ang tanging nasisiguro ko lang, nasasaktan ako.

Chapter Twelve

Marian’s POV

Most of the time I was happy with my solitary state. But there are times when feelings of confusion and sadness wash over me when I least expect it. Sometimes its when I’m lying in bed at night, walking out of a restaurant by myself, when I’m with my friends and all they talk about is how happy they are with the love of their lives, or when I’m in the flowershop and a couple comes in. It feels as though there’s always this… gaping gap in my chest. I try to fill that gap with things that I love, hoping they’d love me back. But who was I kidding? Things don’t love back.

At the end of the day, I still wait for the moment I will walk out of restaurants holding someone else’s hand, the day I will fall asleep in someone’s arms, the day I’d cling onto someone’s body knowing I’d never want to let go. The sensation was confusing, it was like a melting pot of hopeless desire.

I furiously bit my bottom lip habang gigil na gigil sa inaarrange kong bouquet ng bulaklak para sa isang wedding. The bride was five years younger than me and she was already going to get married? Bakit ako, wala pa rin boyfriend? My first bodyshot came from an asshole, my first kiss came from an asshole, the first man I’d ever slept with (literally) was an asshole… almost all my firsts came from an asshole! Why couldn’t I find a nice, decent man like this bride-to-be? This was so not fair.

“Ma’am, gusto niyo ako na mag-arrange ng bulaklak?” Flor timidly asked.

Napakunot ang noo ko at tumingala ako sa kanya. “I can do this myself. Bumalik ka na sa pwesto mo.”

“Si sir Seth po nasa telepono. Hinahanap ka.” Sabi niya.

“Sabihin mo busy ako.” Inis na sabi ko bago ko binaling ang atensyon ko pabalik sa bouquet. She nodded and went back to the cash register. Wala pang isang minuto ay bumalik ulit si Flor.

“Goddammit palagi ka na lang busy.” Sabi ni Flor at agad nag-taas ang tingin ko sa kanya.

“Ano’ng sabi mo, Flor?” I said, quite shocked.

“Sabi ni sir Seth.” Sabi niya.

“Sabihin mo sa kanya kailangan ko maghanap-buhay. May totoo akong trabaho. Sabihin mo pasensya na, I don’t make a living out of partying and sleeping around.” I huffed.

“Ma’am naman…” Flor whined.

“O, bakit?”

“Huwag naman mahabang english. Di ko kaya. Sasabihin ko na lang busy ka talaga.”

“Bahala ka.” I sighed.

Hindi ako mapakali habang nag-aayos ng mga bulaklak nang hindi na bumalik si Flor. I turned my head and saw her sitting behind the cash register, filing her nails.

“Flor.” Tawag ko sa kanya at agad naman siyang lumingon.

“Po?”

“Ano’ng sabi?” I asked.

“Binagsakan po ako ng telepono.” Sagot niya.

Asshole talaga. I thought and tried to focus on the flowers for the wedding. But even when I try to push the thought of him out of my mind, it kept coming back like a horrible song you can’t get out of your mind. Ano na kayang ginagawa niya ngayon? May kasama kaya siya ngayon? Gaano na kaya kakalat ang condo niya? Sa susunod talaga, magdadala na ako ng isang timbang holy water. Yun na ang ipanglalampaso ko sa bahay niya ng matanggal naman ang bahid ng kahalayan doon.

Seth’s POV

Damn it! I angrily threw the phone I was holding on the table in front of me. Marian hadn’t been here for eight days. Eight whole days and my place was starting to smell like the sweaty armpit of Satan. There were dirthy clothes just lying around, piles and piles of unwashed dishes filled the whole kitchen sink, empty beer cans and a hell lot of mess. I couldn’t clean a room to save my life. Since I’m an only child, I had always been spoiled by my parents. There’s always someone cleaning after me. I could never do it myself.

What was Marian busy about lately anyway? Tuwing tatawagan ko siya palagi siyang busy o wala. Maybe she’d been going out on dates? I knew how she desperately wanted to have a boyfriend. Ngayon pa lang naaawa na ako sa magiging boyfriend ni Marian. Her mouth runs off like she’s racking up miles on a race car. She was a headache to be around.

Pero kapag nagkaboyfriend na nga siya, paano na ako? I mean, my house. Mapapabayaan niya na ang trabaho niya dito. She’d always be busy with her guy. Oh, hell no. She still had a long way to pay off her debt.

I stood up from my seat and decided it was time to pay her a visit. Bumaba ako sa parking at sumakay sa kotse. After a few minutes, I was already outside Marian’s flowershop. I went in and she was the first thing I saw. She was in the corner of the room, making bouquets of white roses. She was into what she was doing. Her hair was all tied up in a bun, her delicate hands gently working on the flowers. Everything faded in the background. My senses just kind of… focused on her. I felt this tingly sensation flow through my blood. I wasn’t quite sure what it was. Lately, I’d been feeling unsure of what I feel whenever she’s around.

“Hi, sir Seth.” Bati sa akin ni Flor, ang nag-iisang staff ni Marian sa flowershop niya.

Marian’s head shot up like a spooked mouse’s. She frowned when she saw me. “Ano’ng ginagawa mo dito?”

“Yeah, I missed you too.” I sarcastically said.

“Marami akong ginagawa ngayon. Kailangan kong tapusin ang mga orders dahil bukas na ang kasal ng kliyente ko.” She said as she continued to work on the flowers. “Kaya please, huwag mo muna akong guluhin. I’ll clean your whorehouse once I finish my work.”

“My whorehouse?” I chuckled as I walk towards her. “Isn’t that a little too harsh?”

“Totoo naman.” Singhal niya.

“Okay, whatever you say.” I grinned, shaking my head. “Need help?”

“No, thanks.” She said in an even tone.

“Are you sure?” I said, picking up a stem of white rose.

She snatched it from my hand. “Don’t touch my flowers!”

“Geez, bakit ba ang sungit mo ngayon? Meron ka ba?”

Marian’s POV

Porque nagsusungit meron na agad? Hindi ba pwedeng masakit lang talaga? I kept my mouth shut and tried to ignore him. What I was feeling for him was confusing as much as it was distressing. Hindi ko maintindihan kung ano itong nararamdaman ko? Kung bakit ganito? It was as if I was almost jealous. Almost.

“Ano bang problema?” He gently and carefully asked as he leaned over the table.

“Wala.” I shrugged.

“Kilala kita, Marian. You’re not usually like that.” He said.

“Bakit ba ang kulit mo?” I said, annoyed.

“Because I want to know what’s going on.”

“Wala nga.”

“Hindi ka galit sa akin?” Parang maamong tupang sabi niya.

He was looking at me with those pair of emerald eyes and I wanted to melt on the spot. Sige na nga, hindi na ako galit. I sighed. “Hindi…”

“I’m starving. Kain tayo sa labas pagkatapos mo d’yan.” Aya niya.

Bigla akong nabuhayan ng loob. Oh my god. He asked me to eat out. I needed to hurry with these. Minadali ko talaga ang ginagawa ko. Mahirap na, baka magbago ang isip ng mokong na ’to. Within thirty minutes, I was done.

Sumakay kami sa kotse niya at huminto sa isang thai restaurant malapit sa shop. We sat on one of the tables next to the window and ordered our food.

“Ilang araw na akong hindi nakakatikim ng lutong bahay. I’m starting to get tired of the food I’m having.” Sabi niya na parang batang nagsusumbong. “Kailan ka ba matatapos sa ginagawa mo?”

“What have you been eating lately?” I asked.

“Mostly, frozen food and chinese take-outs.” He said.

I frowned. “That’s not healthy. Bakit hindi ka na lang magluto?”

“You know I don’t cook.” He grimaced. “I miss your nilagang baka and your sinigang.”

“Poor you. Sige, pagnagpunta ako sa condo mo, magluluto ako.” I said.

“I’ll make you some tea.” He wiggled his brows teasingly.

I laughed, shaking my head. “Sira ka talaga!”

“I miss your loud mouth.” Tumawa siya ng malakas. “God, I can’t believe I’m saying this.”

“Na miss ko din ang pig pen mo.” I slightly smiled.

“Kanina whore house, ngayon naman pig pen.”

“Pareho din yun. Dun mo naman ginagawa lahat ng kababuyan mo.” I rolled my eyes at him. “Isusumbong kita kay tita Liza.”

“Oh no, I’m scared.” He sarcastically said.

We started teasing each other again like it was part of our daily schedule. We ate and talked and made fun of each other like little kids. Pagkatapos namin kumain nag-aya na siyang umalis. We walked out of the restaurant side by side, our hands constantly bumping into each other. For the seventh time, my hands bumped into his and he suddenly caught my fingers, linking them with his. I looked at him and he looked at me but we both didn’t say anything. We just kept on walking. It felt kind of nice to have his soft, warm palm nestled against mine. I had never held hands with a man before. Another first from this asshole…

Huminto kami sa harap ng kotse niya at doon naghiwalay ang mga kamay namin. Tahimik kaming sumakay sa kotse niya. He never brought up the handing holding incident. We never talked about it. We pretended like nothing happened.

Huminto ang sasakyan niya sa harap ng bahay ko. I got out of the car and he followed behind. Binuksan ko ang pinto. Before I could invite him in, he invited himself in. Dire-diretso siyang pumasok na parang bahay niya ’to.

“Ano’ng gusto mo? Coffee, tea, or me- milk?” I asked.

“I’m tired.” He simply said.

“You better go home then. Ano’ng oras na rin.” I said, looking at my wrist watch. It was already 10:30 in the evening.

“I’m sleeping here. My room’s a mess.” He yawned. Lumapit siya sa pinto sa right side ng living room. It used to be my mother’s bedroom pero naging tambakan na lang iyon ng mga lumang gamit niya. He opened it. “Where’s my room?” Wow ha, feeling at home.

“Kailan ka pa nagkaron ng kwarto dito?” Pumamewang ako.

Isinara niya na ang kwarto ng makita niyang wala siyang tutulugan doon at binuksan ang pintong katabi nun. My room. He immediately went in and started stripping down to his boxers. Hinagis niya lang ang mga pinagbihisan niya sa sahig. I followed him in, picking up his clothes. Napakaburara talaga.

“Pati ba naman dito sa kwarto ko magkakalat ka.” Galit na sabi ko habang dinadampot ang mga damit niya. He just climbed into the bed at humiga doon. I neatly folded his clothes and put it on the study table on the left.

“Inagawan mo na ako ng kama. Where do you expect me to sleep?”

“Next to me.” He lazily said.

“Ano?!” I asked, faking shock.

“Don’t act all surprised. Nagtabi naman na tayo. It’s not like I’m going to take advantage of you. Might be the other way around.” He said.

“Ang kapal mo!” Inis na sabi ko.

I took a pair of striped pajamas from my closet and went to the bathroom to take a quick shower. Doon na din ako nagbihis at nakapajama na ako ng lumabas sa banyo. I slipped into the empty space next to him. My bed was small, hindi mapipigilan magdikit kami habang nakahiga. Tumagilid na lang ako at tumalikod sa kanya.

“Seth…” Tawag ko sa kanya kahit nakapikit na siya. I just wanted to know if he was already asleep.

“What?” Sagot niya, hindi pa rin dinidilat ang mga mata.

“Huwag kang manghihipo ah. Wala akong bra ngayon.” Sabi ko.

“Wala naman akong mahihipo.” He sleepily chuckled.

“Ang sama mo talaga.” Inis na sabi ko.

Hindi na siya sumagot, malamang nakatulog na. I shifted and layed on my back. I turned my head to him. His eyes were closed, he was breathing deep and slow. Even in his sleep, he still looked beautiful. His face was soft and warm and innocent. I almost wanted to kiss him. I could get used to this. Sleeping next to me. Being able to feel his chest rise and fall with his breath. Seeing the softer, more vulnerable side of him. It was so beautiful and it felt so intimate.

Chapter Thirteen

Seth’s POV

Having to sleep next to a woman instead of sleeping with a woman was a whole different experience. As I held her in my arms and felt her warm breath on my neck, I knew something had changed with the way I feel for her. I mean, I still find her annoying but she had already gotten under my skin.

In a short span of time, she had been become an important part of my life. I’d become so dependent on her to a point where I felt like I couldn’t function without her. Sa walong araw na hindi kami nagkita, to me it felt like eternity. I didn’t know why but I always want to see her and be with her. I would trade a hot night with Megan Fox and Jessica Alba for a day like this with her. It was never out of clinginess. I just couldn’t recall the last time I felt this at ease with someone. I never realized how familiar a stranger could be.

Damn, I missed her so much. I’d missed her so much that spending a few hours with her felt as if it still wasn’t enough. That was why I spent the night here with her. I couldn’t leave. I didn’t want to be without her so I stayed. But wait, what I feel for her was just platonic, okay? It was like how a brother loves his little sister. Yeah, that’s the perfect way to describe it. Lumaki kasi akong nag-iisang anak. Growing up, I’d always wanted a sibling. Siguro kay Marian ko nakita iyon.

Marian moved, snuggling closer to me and buried her face into my neck. Her breath tickled my sensitive flesh and I felt something weird. I breathed out a cuss. I never had any siblings but I was sure brothers never feel this way for their little sisters.

And what about the hand holding thing last night? Part of my brain asked. I just got kind of annoyed with her hand bumping against mine so I held it. It was really nothing but a casual hand holding with a friend.

Really? Gagawin mo din ba yun kay Axel, Nick, Wayne o Tristan? It mocked.

I looked down at Marian and took a deep sigh. She had affected me in a way no one had really ever had before. There was something about her open nature that appealed to me. I didn’t see her the way I see other women. Hindi ko naman ipagkakailang magada si Marian. But she was my buddy, not some tasty morsel I want to devour. She feels ood against my side and she fits perfectly under my arm but so what? It didn’t mean anything more than friendship.

I stiffened when she opened her eyes. She looked up and gave me a lazy, sleepy smile with her eyes still hooded from sleep. I felt something inside me stir, like awareness awakening. As much as I wanted to stay in bed, I felt a bit awkward. I had never shared a bed with a woman. Friends don’t cuddle in bed. I looked away, pulling my arm under her waist and sitting up.

“Kanina pa ko nagugutom.” I said as I sat on the edge of the bed. “I’ve been waiting for you to wake up.”

Naramdaman kong gumalaw siya at umupo sa kama sa likod ko. She stretched out her arms and yawned. “Ano bang gusto mong kainin? May longganisa ako d’yan, may bacon, egg?

“Everything.” I said.

“Of course.” I could feel the eye rolling in her voice. “Maghihilamos lang ako at ipagluluto na kita ng iyong agahan, kamahalan.”

It was like the most natural thing in the world, waking up with her in my arms, watching her get out of bed, her cooking breakfast for me. We never questioned what we were doing.

If only every morning was like this…

Marian’s POV

Hindi ko pwedeng magustuhan si Seth. He was not the guy for me. Hindi pwede, hindi pwede, hindi talaga pwede…

Seth was everything I hated in a guy woven together. I wanted a mature, responsible, and stable guy with high moral values. Not someone who makes a living out of partying and beds women like it’s his profession. I doubt he even had a single ounce of moral fiber in him. He treated sex like it’s just something you do when you’re bored, like a hobby. Bata pa lang ako isiniksik na sa utak ko ng mama ko na ang pagtatalik ay para sa mag-asawa lang.

If they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. I could hear my mom reading one of those verse inside my head.

But why? Why was I feeling this way for him? The feelings that began to surge through me was nothing I had ever felt before. I didn’t even know what exactly it was.

Lalo na kagabi nang hawakan niya ang kamay ko. But it was probably just nothing to him. He probably does that to every girl kaya hindi ko dapat bigyan ng kahulugan iyon.

I dried my body with a towel and wrapped it around me after taking a shower. Pagkatapos kong magluto ng almusal ni Seth ay naligo na ako. I had to open the shop and start working on the flowers for the wedding. Pagkatapos ay lilinisin ko na ang condo ni Seth.

I stepped out of the bathroom. Saktong paglabas ko nang pinto ng banyo ay ang pagbukas naman ng pinto ng kwarto ko. Seth stood under the door frame, his eyes scanned my body up and down but never moved a muscle. Something inside me went wicked. I wanted him to see me. I knew that in my rotten heart. I wanted to drop the towel and let him see me naked as the day I was born. I wanted to see the reaction in his eyes, I wanted to know what he would do…

Pray that you may not enter into temptation. I heard my mother’s voice again.

“B-bakit?” Tanong ko ng makaipon ako ng lakas ng loob na magsalita.

He cleared his throat before lifting his eyes up my face. “Sasabay ka ba sa akin? Uuwi na ako.”

“Mauna ka na. Magbubukas pa ako ng shop.” I said, trying to make the words as cold as I could under the heated circumstances.

“Pero pupunta ka pa rin sa condo, right?” He asked.

“Yes, after I finish my work.” I answered. “Pwede ba, pakisara ng pinto? Magbibihis na ako.”

He immediately closed the door and I slumped against the wall, sending up a request for my salvation. Siguro kung nababasa lang ni mama ang utak ko malamang nakurot na ako sa singit ’nun.

Hindi na normal ito. Nahahawa na ako ng kahalayan ng lalaking iyon.

It took me three days to finish cleaning up Seth’s mess. Isang bundok ng damit ang mga damit niya na nilabahan ko, hindi na makita ang sink niya dahil natabunan na iyon ng mga platong pinaggamitan niya nang dumating ako dito, pati yung mga lalagyanan ng frozen food na kinakain niya at mga take-outs hindi man lang matapon dahil pati ang basurahan niya puno na. I knew guys are messy but Seth took it to a whole new level.

Nagtitiklop na ako ng mga damit niya sa sala ng magring ang phone ko. It was a call from a number I couldn’t place but I picked it up anyway.

“Hey.” Bati ng boses ng lalaki sa kabilang linya.

“Hi?” I said, hesitantly.

“Marian, right?” Sabi nito.

“Who’s this?”

“Patrick, the handkerchief guy, we saw each other again at a club, do you still remember me?” He said.

“Oh, right! Hi, Patrick.” Sabi ko ng bumalik sa isip ko iyon.

“Sorry for not calling you right away. I’ve been really busy with work. Gusto ko lang malaman kung ginagamit mo pa ang handkerchief ko. Can I have it back?”

“Of course, you can. Saan ko ba pwedeng ipadala sa’yo?”

“I was hoping we’d meet each other out.” He chuckled. “Are you free on Saturday?”

“A-are you asking me out?” Hindi makapaniwalang sabi ko.

“Yes, I am. Is it that obvious?” Natatawang sagot niya.

“Wait, you’re not selling anything right? Hindi ka naman kasali sa mga networking company?” Tanong ko. Mahirap na at baka maulit na naman ang nangyari noon sa akin. Baka todo effort na naman ako tapos sa networking seminar din ako dadalhin nito katulad nung gagong kalbong ’yun.

“Uh, no.” He said.

“Okay.”

“Okay, what?”

“Okay, I’m free on Saturday.” I smiled.

“Really? Great! Do you want me to pick you up or do you want us to meet at a restaurant?”

“Magkita na lang tayo sa restaurant.”

We decided we’d meet in Chateau 1771 for a dinner and I couldn’t help but squeal in excitement when I put down the phone. I was going to have a date! A real date. Patrick seemed like a decent gentleman. Siguro ito na yung hinihiling ko. Sana nga. I’d been praying for this for so long.

Lumabas si Seth mula sa kwarto niya na bagong gising. He looked at me with brows furrowed as I smiled stupidly.

“Why do you look so happy?” He asked, yawning.

“Guess who’s going on a date on Saturday!” I couldn’t contain my girlish squeal.

Lalong lumalim ang kunot sa noo ni Seth. “You’re going on a date?”

“Yes, you got it right!” I said.

“With who?” Umupo siya sa tabi ko at sinampay ang kamay niya sa couch sa likod ko.

“Patrick.” I smiled.

“Patrick who? Patrick the star? What have you been smoking?”

“Ano ba?” Naiinis na sabi ko. “Can’t you take me seriously for once?”

“Sino bang Patrick yun?”

“Yung lalaki sa club kung saan mo ko sinama.” I said with a wide smile.

He frowned and shook his head. “I don’t like him.”

“Bakit? Ikaw ba ang makikipagdate sa kanya?” I shot a brow at him.

“I’m just saying. Ang lamya niya gumalaw. He’s probably a closet gay.”

“Grabe ka naman! Gay agad, hindi mo pa nga kilala yung tao!” I exclaimed.

“I’m a guy, I can sense when another guy is not really a guy.”

“Hindi gay si Patrick!” Pagtatanggol ko. “Ayaw mo talaga akong nakikitang masaya, ’no?”

He shrugged. “Sinasabi ko lang. Saan ba kayo magdadate?”

“Magkikita kami sa Chateau 1771.” I squealed again.

“Then?”

“What?” I asked, kind of confused.

“Then what are you planning on doing after that? Are you going to sleep with him?”

I grimaced. “Hoy, hindi! Tinulad mo naman ako sa mga babae mo. Hindi ako cheap!”

“You’re going to be put in the one night-stand category if you sleep with the guy on the first date.”

“Alam ko at wala akong balak.” I rolled my eyes.

“And don’t wear something too short or too revealing. You wouldn’t want to send the wrong message to him, do you?”

“Hindi ko alam. May conservative side ka rin pala.” Natatawang sabi ko.

Umismid siya sa akin. “Ikaw na nga ’tong binibigyan ng advice.” He shook his head before getting up his seat and marching away.

Did I say something wrong? Ano ba ’tong lalaking ’to. Daig pa ang babaeng nagp-PMS!

Chapter Fourteen

Seth’s POV

I took out my binoculars when I saw her walking towards the restaurant’s door and I brought it to my eyes. I had been sitting here, waiting for her for almost an hour. She was wearing a baby blue halter dress that ended above her knees, a pair of blue high heels, her hair was tied up in a loose ponytail, it even looked like she had a little makeup on. She flattened her dress and fixed her hair before stepping inside the restaurant. Through the restaurant’s glass door, I could see her being greeted by the receptionist. She was taken to one of the table right next to the window.

The man sitting on the table, got up when he saw Marian. He wrapped an arm around the small of her waist and gave her a kiss on the cheek. I involuntarily grimaced at what I saw.

Whoa, slow down, cowboy. Getting frisky already?

He pulled a chair for Marian and sat back to his seat on the opposite side of where Marian sat. I could not believe what I was seeing. Marian was excited on going out on a date with this guy. He was lanky, it looked like he didn’t have an ounce of muscle in his body. Does he even lift? What the hell did she see in that guy?

Oh look at them, all smiling and laughing. I wondered what they’re talking about. Marian was probably laughing at his skinny ass. I would too.

Sweet baby Jesus, she could do better than this guy.

I put on my disguise, a loose hoodie and a pair of sunglasses, and I got out of my car. I just wanted to make sure Marian was going out on a date with the right guy. That Patrick dude could be a psycho for all we know. I went into the restaurant and went up to the receptionist. I asked for a table in the corner where I would be hidden from her view. Pero nakikita ko pa rin sila mula sa kinauupuan ko.

The waiter started serving them their orders. They continued to talk as they ate. Marian was having pasta and the guy was eating what looked like a steamed fish. You need protein, bro!

Nakita kong kinuha niya ang kamay ni Marian na nakapatong sa mesa at hinawakan iyon. Marian smiled, looking like she was having the fuckin’ time of her life. I scowled. How romantic was that, huh?

Nakita kong tumayo ang lalaking nakaupo sa mesa sa likod ni Patrick. I watched him as he went into the restroom and an idea popped into my head. I got up and followed him. He was standing alone in front of the urinal doing his thing when I went in. Lumapit ako sa kanya.

“I’m going to ask you a favor.” I said, standing next to him.

He stiffened in surprise, almost spraying his piss all over. “Uy putangina!”

“It may seem like a strange favor but I’m going to pay.”

“Tol, hindi pumapatol sa bakla.” He said as he was pulling his zipper up.

I clenched my jaw, trying to control my annoyance. Kung hindi ko lang kailangan ng tulong nitong gagong ’to, nasapak ko na ’to. “That’s not what I mean. I’m straight. May ipapagawa ako sa’yo. I’ll give you cash if you do what I tell you.”

Marian’s POV

Seth would have loved this pasta chorizo. Mahilig pa naman iyon sa Italian food. I thought as I played with my food with a fork. Oh here I was again, thinking about him. I should be enjoying my date. Patrick was a financial analyst, thirty years old, and totally not gay. He was the complete opposite of Seth. He was a gentleman, has a stable job, doesn’t like to party, doesn’t drink, well-read, cultured… predictable and boring. Pero okay lang naman. Nasanay lang siguro ako kay Seth. When you’re always with someone who’s as spontaneous and unpredictable as Seth, you get so used to it it becomes your normal.

Mabait naman si Patrick. He was sweet and considerate, but there was little chemistry there for me. Maybe I just needed to get to know him more. I started asking more questions about him, his life, his family. Hoping that in time the missing attraction might develop.

Kaya hindi ka nagkakaboyfriend! Ang dami mong hinahanap! Sabi ng malditang parte ng isip ko. I’m getting old, clock is ticking. Sa pelikula lang nangyayari yung sparks na yun. Sometimes you just have to settle for someone who are less than our imagined ideal.

I sighed as I tried to focus my attention back to Patrick. Just then a man from behind him, got up from his chair holding a glass when it slipped from his hand and fell on Patrick. The back of his white polo shirt was suddenly drenched with wine. He stood up, shocked.

“Sorry, tol. Nabitawan ko yung baso.” Hingi ng tawad ng lalaki mula sa likuran niya.

The waiter immediately attended to us. Kinuha ko ang ibinigay ng waiter na towel at sinubukan punasan ang likod niya. But the stain and smell stuck on him.

“Thanks, Marian.” Patrick said nang matapos ko siyang punasan.

I answered with a smile.

Dahil wala daw siyang dalang pamalit na damit, nag-aya na siyang umuwi. He apologized to me and offered to drop me off my house. Hindi na naman ako tumanggi dahil gabi na at mahihirapan na akong kumuha ng taxi. Besides, he seemed harmless naman.

“I had a really nice time.” Patrick said as he pulled up in front of my house.

“I did too.” I said.

Lumabas siya ng kotse para buksan ang pinto sa side ko. He held his hand out. I took it and he helped me out of his car and walked me to my front door. I gazed up into his eyes, we both stared at each other for awhile. I didn’t know if it was a good idea to invite him in or not.

“Thanks for this wonderful evening.” He said.

“Salamat din.”

He cupped my chin and leaned in to kiss me. Hindi ko alam kung iiwas ba ako o hindi. Oh what the hell? Kung si Seth nga nahalikan ako, why can’t my date kiss me? I decided to just go with it and closed my eyes. When suddenly his car alarm went off bago dumampi ang mga labi niya sa akin. We were both startled. Nabaling ang atensyon niya sa kotse niya at tumakbo siya papunta doon.

“Goodnight, Patrick.” I said, waving at him.

“I’m sorry.” He apologized for the nth time.

He went into his car and I went inside my house. Nang nasa loob na ako, narinig ko ang pag-andar ng kotse niya palayo. I took of my high heels and let my hair down. I went into my room, exhaustedly slumping down to my bed.

Seth popped into my mind. Kinuha ko ang teleponong nakapatong sa bedside table at tinawagan ko siya. Marami akong makukuwento sa kanya ngayon.

Seth’s POV

My car was parked from across Marian’s house, in the dark under a tree. I had been following them since they left the restaurant. I threw a rock at Patrick’s car when I saw him about to kiss Marian. Masyado naman kasi yatang mabilis. They just had their first date! That Patrick guy needed to calm his ballsack!

Nasa kwarto na si Marian ngayon. Naka-on na ang ilaw niya doon. When I made sure she was already safe, I got ready to leave. Bago ko nasimulan ang kotse ko ay tumunog ang phone ko. Marian’s name popped into the screen. I answered it.

“Seth?”

“Yeah?” I answered. “How did your date go?”

“You won’t believe what just happened tonight!” She exclaimed.

“What?” I asked, even though I knew everything that had happened.

“Napaaga ang tapos ng date namin dahil natapunan siya ng wine tapos nung hahalikan niya na ako, tumunog naman ang kotse niya.” She laughed.

“That sucks.”

“Pero nag-enjoy naman akong kasama siya. Patrick’s a financial analyst, ibig sabihin he has a stable job which is a big check for me, he doesn’t like to party and drink, we both have the same taste in music and books. Sobrang compatible kami. Siya na kaya talaga?”

“You just had your first date with him!”

“Ilang dates pa ba bago ko malaman?” I heard her sigh.

“Don’t rush it. Kilalanin mo muna yan, syempre nagpapa-goodshot pa yan. Men are only nice and sweet when they want something from you.”

“Seth, Seth, Seth…” I could imagine her right now shaking her head. “Hindi naman lahat ng lalaki kaugali mo.”

“Sinasabihan lang kita. You asked for my opinion and I gave to you.” I said, annoyed.

“Okay, sorry na. Magagalit ka na naman n’yan, e.” Natatawang sabi niya at bigla siyang sumeryoso. “Kung hindi kita nakilala, kung hindi ka nagdrawing sa mukha ko noon, kung hindi mo ko sinama sa club. Hindi kami magkakakilala ni Patrick. Kaya kung sakaling magkatuluyan kami, talagang ipupush ko na ikaw ang maging bestman sa kasal namin.”

Something in my chest throbbed painfully.

“It’s too soon to think about those things.” I sneered.

“Ganun siguro talaga kapag hindi ka na bata, double time na.” She made a low chuckle. “Do you think things happen for a reason? Siguro ito ang rason kung bakit tayo nagkakilala… Ikaw pala ang magiging tulay para makilala ko ang future husband ko.”

“Most things happen from stupidity. Nagkakilala tayo kasi binangga mo ang kotse ko.” I said. “Stop giving meaning to things that don’t have meaning. Paano pag  hindi nagwork out yan, sa akin mo din isisisi?”

“Ikaw ang nega mo talaga mag-isip. Ayaw mo talaga akong maging masaya, no? Who hurt you?” She asked, snickering.

You did. My heart leaped at that thought. My feelings were starting to scare me.

“I gotta go.” I put my phone down, not even waiting for her to say goodbye.

Chapter Fifteen

Marian’s POV

Patrick and I had been in regular communication since our first date. Palagi niya akong tinatawagan, palagi niya akong kinukumusta, tinatanong kung maganda ba ang naging araw ko o kumain na ba ako. It was nice having someone checks up on you and send you thoughtful messages, someone who constantly makes sure you’re okay.

Pero bakit ganito? Wala pa rin akong nararamdaman na special feelings para sa kanya. Akala ko madedevelope itong nararamdaman ko kapag palagi kaming nag-uusap, kapag lalo ko na siyang nakikilala. I like Patrick, he’s a nice guy, but it was just that.

Siguro nga ako talaga ang may problema kaya hanggang ngayon hindi pa ako nagkakaboyfriend. I’d been in a lot of dates before, mga blind dates na sinet up ng mga kaibigan ko pero parang palagi akong may hinahanap. Palagi akong nakakakita ng mali o kulang sa mga lalaking nagdate sa akin. Si Patrick okay naman siya. Matinong lalaki, may maayos na trabaho, mabait (so far), maalalahanin, at may itsura naman. Despite all that, there was something lacking.

Maybe it was because I had never fallen in love before. Binabase ko lang ang dapat kong maramdaman sa mga nababasa ko sa libro at napapanood ko sa tv. Siguro hindi ganun sa totoong buhay, walang sparks, walang pagbilis ng tibok ng puso sa tuwing magkakatinginan kayo, walang slow-mo moment.

I only remembered feeling that way when I first saw Seth. Pero hello! That was out of fear. Akala ko naman kasi mamamatay na ako noon.

Just wanna say hi, hope you’re having a good day. He texted me again. I was about to text him back when my phone was snatched from my hand. I looked up and saw Seth.

“Katext mo na naman ’tong Patrick na ’to.” He said, his eyes on my phone screen.

“Ano ba? Akin na nga yan!” Inis na sabi ko. I reached for my phone in his hand but he Seth easily angled it away, not even lifting his eyes from it.

“I’m having a great day. Just took a huge dump.” He snickered as he typed on my phone.

I took a shock breath in as I looked at him with wide eyes. “No… no, give that back to me!”

“Sent!” Natatawang sabi ni Seth.

I shook my head. “No you didn’t!”

“Yes I did.” He grinned.

“Oh my god!” I covered my face with my hand in embarrassment. “You idiot! You ruined my life!”

“That’s a little exaggerated, don’t you think so?” Natatawa pa rin sabi ng gago.

“I hate you!” Maluha-luhang sabi ko. “Ano na lang ang iisipin ni Patrick?”

“That you took a shit?” He raised a brow up.

“Hindi ka na nakakatawa.” Galit na sabi ko at hinaklit pabalik sa akin ang phone ko. “Uuwi na ako.”

“It was just a joke.” He said. I turned away, ready to leave when I felt his hands on my waist. His touch sent bolts of electricity lightening up my spine. I involuntarily inhaled when he squeezed my waist with his hands. “Don’t leave. I’m sorry…”

“Nakakainis ka na kasi.” I muttered, faking annoyance even though I was feeling something else. Oh how does he know all my weaknesses?

He spun me so I could face him. “What? Do you think he’d stop liking because of that dumb text message? Kung ganon nga ang mangyari, then he doesn’t deserve you. You’re beautiful, Marian. And you’re beyond that. You’re real and you’re crazy and you’re beautiful. And if you lose him over that message, then it’s his loss.” I had never seen him this serious. I could feel the sincerity in his voice and his eyes. I felt like there were butterflies in my stomach.

Tumaas ang kamay niya sa mukha ko at marahang hinawakan ang pisngi ko. “Marian, I have something to tell you…”

Napakurap ako. “A-ano yun?”

“I’m really hungry. Can you get me something to eat?” He asked with his paawa voice. The atmosphere in the room returned to normal, forcing me back to reality.

I sighed, rolling my eyes at him. Akala ko naman kung ano na.

Seth’s POV

I had nothing against that Patrick guy. I just wanted Marian to be careful with who she dates. I wanted to make sure he wasn’t a psychopath, or a woman beater, or an emotional abuser. I honestly think Marian could do better than that. Marian was beautiful. She could get a guy as handsome as me and as fit as me. But no, she decided to go for the lanky, frail guy who I could knock down with one single blow.

Maybe she’d seen something in him that she hadn’t seen in me— I mean in a lot of other men. Yeah, like the inner beauty sort of thing. I chuckled silently. Inner beauty, my ass. Get out of here!

“Ano nginingiti-ngiti mo d’yan?” Tanong ni Marian at ibinaba sa harap ko ang isang plato ng grilled cheese sandwich na ginawa niya.

I was pulled away from my thoughts and shook my head. “Ano bang nagustuhan mo sa Patrick na yun?”

She paused for awhile before answering. “Mabait siya, gentleman.”

“Yun lang? Maraming lalaking mabait at gentleman.” I said.

“Bakit? Inaya ba ako ng mga lalaking yun makipagdate, tinetext ba nila ako, kinakamusta ba nila ako?” She laughed.

“So you’re lowering your standards just because you want to have a boyfriend?”

Marian frowned. “Hindi naman sa gano’n. Okay naman si Patrick, ah. Gusto ko siya. He’s a great guy. And did I mention what a charmer he is?” Umupo si Marian sa silya sa harap ko at sumalong-baba. “Have you ever fallen in love, Seth? Sa dami ba naman ng babae mo….”

“Love is too big of a word.”

“I’ve never fallen in love. Can you believe that? Twenty-eight na ako at hindi ko pa rin alam kung ano ang pakiramdam ng mainlove sa isang lalaki.” She cackled. “Siguro nasasabik din akong maramdaman iyon. Ano kayang pakiramdam ng in love? Yung unang tingin mo pa lang siya, alam mong siya na talaga yung gusto mong makasama habang buhay.”

I swallowed as I looked at her. “It’s not a one moment thing, Marian. It’s slow and subtle. It happens gradually. You grow accustomed to it that it feels normal before you could even realize that you’re falling in love.”

“Wow, I can’t believe that came from you!” She said with genuine shock in her voice. “I can’t even imagine you falling in love!”

I had never… no… I didn’t even know where those words came from. That was the corniest thing I’d ever said. Parang yung mga sagot sa define love nag mga teenager sa slambook. Somebody kill me now.

Chapter Sixteen

Marian’s POV

Patrick invited me out on a date again. Ibig sabihin interesado pa din siya sa akin, ibig sabihin baka may chance na hindi ako tumandang dalaga. This would be the first time that I’d go on a second date with someone. So far, sa lahat naman kasi ng nakadate ko siya lang naman ang matino.

I needed to stop looking for more in a man. Because let’s face it, hindi naman ako makakahanap ng lalaking perpekto sa ideal man ko. Kaya kahit hindi kasing gwapo ni Tom Cruise si Patrick at hindi siya kasing kisig ni Brad Pitt, at wala siyang humor na katulad ni Adam Sandler, matino naman siya, hindi maluwag ang turnilyo niya sa utak, may maayos na trabaho, hindi babaero, walang bisyo. That was enough for me.

I was getting myself ready for our date when my phone rang. It was Seth. I texted him earlier saying I can’t come to his place to clean it up because I was going on a date with Patrick.

“You’re going on a date?” Iyon ang bungad niya sa akin.

“Oo.” Sagot ko. “Bakit?”

“I… I need my laundries done. Wala na akong susuotin.”

“Seth, kalalaba ko lang noong isang araw. Nasa closet mo yung mga damit mo.”

“But my favorite shirt is still in the laundry. I need it now.”

“Seth naman, bigay mo naman sa akin ’tong araw na ’to. Dito nakasalalay ang future mo.” I muttered. “Alam ko na papupuntahin ko na lang si Flor-”

“No!” Mariin na sabi niya. “Alam mo naman ayokong sinu-sinong pumapasok sa bahay ko.”

“Iba na lang suotin mo. Lalaban ko na lang pagkatapos ng date ko.”

“Marian…” He whined.

“Ayaw mo lang yatang matuloy date ko.”

“I don’t care about your date.” Nag-iba ang tono ng boses niya. “I just want my shirt.”

“Hindi talaga ako pwede ngayon. Naka-oo na ako kay Patrick.”

“Saan ba kayo pupunta?” He asked.

“Hindi ko pa alam. He’s just going to pick me up.”

I heard his sigh. “Just… be careful, okay? Kapag may ginawang katarantaduhan yang Patrick na yan, tawagan mo agad ako.”

“Concerned ka rin pala sa’kin.” Dinaan ko na lang sa tawa when I felt something flutter inside of me when he said those words.

“Pag may nangyari kasing masama sa’yo wala ng maglilinis ng bahay ko.” He said.

My smile disappeared. Kaya naman pala. “Sige na, mag-aayos na ako. Baka mamaya nandito na si Patrick.”

Seth’s POV

I couldn’t help it. Hindi ko napigilan ang sarili kong puntahan si Marian. I just had to know where they were going. I parked my car acrossed her house and from there I could see her through the window in her room. She just got out of the bathroom with only a white towel covering her body. Fuck! Hindi ba siya marunong magsara ng kurtina. What if someone else sees her?

She took out a bottle of lotion and sat on the end of her bed. She started lotioning her arms and then she moved on to her legs. My throat suddenly felt dried out as I watch her cross her legs, her towel hitching up, so she could put lotion on it.

It’s getting hot in here. I turned up the air conditioner in the car.

Pagkatapos niyang malagyan ang parehong hita niya ay tumayo siya at ibinaba ang blinds sa bintana niya. Damn! I thought I was going to get a good show.

What the hell? Si Marian yan. Si Marian na OC at bungangera. What had gotten into me? I shouldn’t be having these thoughts about her. I wanted to hit my head against the steering wheel.

It took about half an hour for Patrick to arrive. Even his car looked as boring and generic as him. Naglakad siya papunta sa pinto ni Marian at pinindot ang doorbell. Bumukas iyon at lumabas si Marian mula doon. He offered his arm which she gladly took and they walked together to his car.

The car drove away as soon as they got in. Nang medyo malayo na sila at sigurado kong hindi nila ako mapapansin, I followed behind.

Sa isang mall siya nakarating. He drove into the parking lot and parked his car there. Hinintay ko silang bumaba bago ako bumaba mula sa kotse. I put on my cap and followed them into the mall.

Pumunta sila sa ticket booth ng movie theater. Ah, the movie theater. This Patrick guy’s a sneaky little bastard. That’s where the magic happens. That’s where you get to the first base. Hell, I got my first handjob when I was a teenager in a movie theater.

Marian’s POV

Bumili ng popcorn at soda si Patrick bago kami pumasok sa sinehan. Pinapalabas pa lang ang trailer ng ibang upcoming movies nang makapasok kami sa loob. Patrick took my hand as he guided me to our seat.

We sat there waiting for the movie to start. He stretched out his hands and yawned, pagkatapos ay ipinatong niya ang isang kamay niya sa likod ng upuan ko. Hinayaan ko lang siya at ibinalik ang atensyon sa malaking screen sa harap ko at sa popcorn na nginunguya ko.

He slightly leaned to my side of the seat. “Ang ganda ng movie, ’no?”

“Trailer pa lang ang pinapalabas.” I said, quietly laughing.

He flustered, taking his arm back like he’d touched a hot pot. “Oh, I mean the trailer— ang ganda ng trailer.”

I nodded my head, still with a smile on my face. I found his awkwardness cute. Hindi katulad ni Seth na sobrang presko.

“I never thought I’d go out on a date with you again after what happened last time.” He said, touching his nape.

“I had a great time with you, Patrick. Bakit naman hindi ako papayag na makipagdate ulit sa’yo?” I smiled.

“SUNOG!!! SUNOOOOOG!!!” May sumigaw sa bandang likod.

Nagulat si Patrick sa sigaw at biglang nabitawang ang popcorn at soda na hawak niya. Natapon iyon sa damit niya. He got up in panic and started running to the aisle kung saan nagkukumpulan na ang mga tao palabas. I couldn’t believe he just left me to fend for myself.

Tumakbo na din ako palabas sa sinehan. The crowd were in panic. They were pushing and shoving each other, desperate to get out. Gitgitan kung gitgitan. May tumulak sa akin mula sa likod ko at nadapa ako. I landed hard on my knees but no one seemed to care. Hindi ko alam kung hindi ba nila nakikita dahil madilim sa sinehan o wala lang talaga silang pakialam. I struggled to get up but I couldn’t. Hindi ako makaahon dahil siksikan na talaga ang mga tao. People will trample me if I stay like this.

Oh my God! This will be the death of me. I don’t want to die a virgin!!!

Just then, I felt two hands hold me by the waist. It lifted me, helping me up. Kahit na nakatayo na ako ay nararamdaman ko pa rin siyang nakahawak sa akin. As if the person was shielding himself from the people around me. Sinubukan kong lumingon sa likod ko para makita kung sino iyon pero hindi ako makagalaw dahil sa mga taong nakapaligid sa akin at bukod doon, di ko rin naman siya makikita sa dilim ng sine. But I could feel him, his hard chest against my back, his hands on my waist… I’d never felt this safe.

Thank God, I was able to get out safe. Lumingon ako para pasalamatan kung sinuman ang taong tumulong sa akin pero paglingon ko wala na siya. I looked around and saw a tall man wearing a red cap, rushing out. Likod niya na lang ang nakita ko pero feeling ko siya yun.

“Hoy, mama! Hoy!” Tawag ko sa kanya at hindi man lang siya lumingon. Lalo pang binilisan ang takbo niya.

“Marian!” Biglang dumating si Patrick. Hinawakan niya ako sa magkabilang balikat. “Kanina pa kita hinahanap. Akala ko kung napano ka na.”

“You left…” I paused and sighed, and I just decided to let it slip. I shrugged his hands away from my shoulders. “I’m going home.”

“Marian, I’m sorry. M-m-may trauma ako sa sunog… Kasi noong bata ako nasunogan kami…” He continued to mutter incohorent explanations and I started to walk away. I just walked away from him with a heavy heart. Another disaster date. Siguro nga I was meant to be alone forever. I wasn’t meant to be with anyone. I should just quit finding love and accept the fact that I was going to grow old by myself. Pagod na ako sa mga lecheng date na ’to. Kung tatanda akong dalaga, edi tatanda akong dalaga. Ayoko na ipilit!

I took a taxi home. Wala pang limang minuto mula ng makarating ako sa bahay nang may tumawag sa akin. Tumingin ako sa screen ng phone ko at nakita ang pangalan ni Seth. I quickly picked it up, itching to vent my frustration out.

“Are you still with your date?” He asked.

“Seth, he’s a bigger asshole than you.” Sabi ko.

“What happened?”

“Iniwan ako ng gago noong nagkakaguluhan na sa sinehan. Muntik na akong maging pancake!”

“Where are you?”

“At home.” I answered.

“I’ll be there in ten minutes.” Sabi niya bago ibinaba ang telepono.

Seth could be an asshole sometimes but it wasn’t like he was purposely being an asshole. It just came naturally to him. I was beginning to understand and accept that. Probably because even though he was an asshole, he was a loveable asshole… sometimes.

Wala pang sampung minuto nasa harap na ng pinto ko si Seth. Tuloy-tuloy siyang pumasok sa bahay at umupo sa harap ng tv kung saan ako nanonood. I followed him, sitting next to him.

“Ano nga ulit nangyari?” Tanong niya. Kinuha niya ang isang bowl ng popcorn na nakapatong sa coffee table habang ang mata niya ay nakapako sa romantic movie na pinanonood ko.

I scooted closer to him. Humiga ako at inunan ko ang ulo ko sa hita niya. He didn’t mind since we we’re already both comfortable with each other. Nagtatabi nga kami sa kama eh. “Yun na nga. May sumigaw na sunog doon sa sinehan. Tapos tumakbo yung gago, iniwan ako. Noong nagkakagulo na, nadapa ako buti na lang may tumulong sa akin. Kung hindi, siguro pisa-pisa na ako ngayon.”

“Gago pala yun!” Sabi niya habang ngumunguya ng popcorn. “Isipin mo na lang blessing in disguise yun, kasi una pa lang nakilala mo na ang totoong ugali niya. Doon pa nga lang iniwan ka na niya.”

“I know. Yun nga din naisip ko.” I pouted. “I give up on dating. Siguro sign na ito. Kung hindi para sa akin, hindi ko na dapat ipilit. Imaginin mo ah, meron anim na bilyong tao sa mundo pero bakit mag-isa pa rin ako?”

“You have me.” He said, looking down at me.

Sana ikaw na nga lang pero hindi pwede. Hindi naman ako ang type mo. “Iba ang ibig kong sabihin. I want someone who I can be with for a lifetime. Sa tingin mo meron lalaking nakalaan para sa akin?”

“Sure, he’s probably having the time of his life right now with no clue he’s going to fall in love with a crazy nagging bitch.”

I smiled. “I’ve always wondered if God gets excited when He finally find the person He created us to be with. Meron kaya siyang OTP?”

“OTP?” He asked.

“OTP! One true pairing. Yung dalawang characters sa tv show na gustong gusto mong magkatuluyan.” I explained.

He chuckled, shaking his head. “So, you’re saying we are all just giant reality tv show?”

“And maybe the angels are the fandom.” I said.

“You’re crazy.” He laughed.

“Siguro kapag nakakasalubong natin yung taong gusto niya para sa atin tapos hindi natin napapansin nagsisigaw siya sa frustration, parang kapag nanonood ako ng teleserye tapos hindi magtagpo-tagpo yung dalawang bida, gustong-gusto mong sumigaw na ‘Siya yun tanga! Siya na yun! Lumingon ka kasi! Kung saan-saan ka tumitingin!’.”

“That’s some imagination you’ve got.” One corner of his lips curled up.

“Sa tingin mo nakasalubong mo na siya, yung taong para sa’yo?” I asked.

He shrugged. “I don’t know… maybe…” 

“Paano kung tayo pala ang OTP?” I playfully asked. Dinaan ko na lang sa biro iyon but I really meant it.  “Wala ka bang nararamdaman kapag magkasama tayo o naiisip mo ko?”

“I touch myself when I think of you.” He said, matter of factly.

Napasinghap ako at namilog ang mga mata ko. “SETH!”

“Meaning I rub my temples because you give me a fucking migraine.” He rolled his eyes.

Chapter Seventeen

Seth’s POV

“You missed our poker night so you could be with Marian?” Phoenix shot a brow up at me as he lifted weights. We were at a gym, all five of us working out. Nagkikita kami dito tuwing weekends. Every Friday night we all hang out together and do guy stuff. They had a poker game last night and I wasn’t able to come because I was with Marian. Doon ako natulog sa bahay niya. In the heat of the moment last night, Axel bet his Pagani Huayra car and Tristan ended up winning it. Damn! It was a limited edition car and I’d always wanted that. Galit na galit si Valerie ng malaman niya iyon so Tristan decided to give it to his little sister at hanggang ngayon sinusuyo pa rin ni Axel ang asawa. He was planning to buy her a pink diamond necklace as an apology gift. It was a win-win for Valerie, she had the car and she was going to get a diamond necklace. Women always win. That was what I had learned from my father and my married friends. Kahit ano ang mangyari, kahit ano’ng gawin at sabihin mo, sila ang panalo.

“She had a disastrous date.” I explained as I was doing some warm up.

“And that’s your problem because?” Asked Axel who just got off the treadmill.

“She’s my friend. She needed me” I answered.

“You don’t look at women as friends. There’s always a scoopaloopa in your mind.” Wayne laughed, busy with his crunches.

“We have to meet Marian. She piqued my curiosity. Wala ka ng bukangbibig kung hindi si Marian. Si Marian ganito, si Marian ganyan.” Tristan chuckled, shaking his head.

“Tigilan niyo nga ako. Marian’s just my friend.” I frowned, losing my cool.

“Bakit may sinabi ba kaming hindi kayo magkaibigan? Getting defensive, aren’t we?” Tristan snided.

“Malapit na ang birthday ng mga inaanak mo. Why don’t you invite her to the twins’ birthday party? We’d love to meet her.” Sabi ni Phoenix.

“I don’t know.” I said, shaking my head.

“C’mon, hindi ba ‘kaibigan’ mo naman si Marian.” Phoenix grinned putting emphasis on the word kaibigan.

“I have never honestly heard you talk about a woman as much as you do with Marian.” Wayne said.

“That’s cause she always gives me headache.” I frowned. “Kung makakasama niyo lang siya kahit isang araw, you’ll know what I mean.”

“Saan headache? Sa baba o sa taas?” Axel grinned and they all ended up laughing like immature high school boys.

“Cut it out.” My face crumpled.

“That Marian, she seems like an interesting girl.” Wayne said. “We have to meet her.”

Marian’s POV

“Marian, natatandaan mo ba si Paulo? Yung ka-officemate ng kapatid ng asawa ko.” Tanong ni Betsy habang kumakain kami sa isang restaurant. Naikwento ko sa kanila ang last disastrous date ko kaya ito na naman sila kung kani-kanino na naman ako nirereto.

“Bets, ayoko na. Ayoko na talaga! I quit!” I said, furiously biting off my burger. “Tanggap ko na, ito na talaga ang kapalaran ko. Ang maging matandang dalaga.”

“Ano ka ba? Huwag ka ngang magsalita ng ganyan.” Rose said. “Mahahanap mo din yan.”

“Oo nga naman, twenty-eight ka lang. Hangga’t hindi ka pa uugod-ugod may pag-asa ka pa.” Sabi naman ni Andrea.

“Ayoko nang umasa. Where do I buy a spinster starter kit?” I sighed.

“Gaga ka!” Natatawang sabi ni Rose. “Huwag kang mawalan ng pag-asa, hindi pa naman nagkakaubusan ng lalaki sa Pilipinas.”

“God’s timing is perfect. His miracles take time to happen. He waits for you to feel hopeless and when you’re about to give up, He comes knocking on your door. Patience and faith. Hindi ba tinuro sa atin yan sa kumbento?” Sabi ni Andrea.

“Hindi niya alam yun, isang araw lang siya sa kumbento. Ikaw ang may kasalanan kung bakit natanggal si Marian doon. Edi sana mother superior na siya ngayon, di na siya namomroblema sa lalaki.” Humagikgik si Rose.

“Hindi naman lalaki ang problema ko.” Sumalong-baba ako. “I just don’t want to grow alone. Wala naman na akong pamilya. Paano kapag tumanda na ako? Walang mag-aalaga sa akin, kapag namatay ako, walang dadalaw sa libing ko. Walang bibisita sa puntod ko. Alam mo yun?”

“Kami.” Answered Betsy.

“Paano ’pag nauna kayo sa akin?” Lumabi ako.

“Ang morbid mo ah. Knock on wood.” Sabi ni Rose.

“What am I going to do?” I pouted.

“Kung ayaw mo lang pala tumanda mag-isa bakit hindi ka na lang mag-anak?” Sabi naman ni Andrea.

“Pwede ba yun? Wala nga akong boyfriend, sino bubuntis sa akin? Ano yun, magseself-fertilize ako?”

“Makipag-one night stand ka.” Betsy suggested.

“Yuck! Hindi ko yata kayang gawin iyon. I can’t imagine doing it with a random man. Paano kung may lahi pang psycho yung lalaking makabuntis sa akin at mamana pa ng anak ko?”

“Yung Seth kaya.” Rose said. “Hindi ba sabi mo, okay naman siya? Sabi mo gwapo?”

I thought of Seth. His gorgeous olive eyes, his proud and arrogant nose, his well defined lips, his sharp jawline… I thought of my baby having the same features. Oh my God, we’d make a beautiful baby. I shook my head.

“Si Seth?!” I laughed really hard. He would never want to father a child, I was sure of that. Hinding-hindi iyon papayag. Ayaw nga nun nang girlfriend, anak pa kaya? Seth doesn’t want any commitment. He doesn’t want anything that would tie him down. A baby would be a lifetime commitment. “Hindi papayag yun at saka ayoko din malahian nun. Buti kung itsura lang niya mamamana ng anak ko, paano kung ugali?”

Pero paano nga kaya kung siya ang maging tatay ng magiging anak ko? Semilya niya lang naman ang hihingin ko. Wala ng iba. Would it be too much to ask? Sinasayang lang naman din niya iyon. All those potential babies dying in a piece of plastic. What a waste.

Chapter Eighteen

Seth’s POV

“Seth…” A voice whispered huskily in my ears. I moaned, still half-asleep. I felt a hand lightly and teasingly caress my arm. I smiled, shifting and laying on my back. I slowly opened my eyes. It was still dark in my room, the thick curtains keeping the sunlight from going in, and my vision was still dazed from sleep.

Marian? I was in total shock when I saw who it was that I couldn’t find the voice to speak. She had her hair in curls and she had nothing on but a sexy pair of bra and panties. My mind widened and my jaw dropped.

She giggled, a sexy and seductive giggle. Before I could say something, she cupped my face and kissed me on the lips. I felt her nibble my lower lip and it took awhile for me to respond to her kiss.

She climbed up on top of me, straddling my torso in between her legs without breaking our kiss. She began thrusting her hips, rubbing her crotch against my stomach. I groaned, feeling myself getting hard.

Her hand found its way to my growing manhood and she took it in her hand. She circled her fingers around it and slid it up and down. I never thought she could be this damn good. Never in my wildest imagination had I thought this would happen.

She moved her crotch down to mine and sat on my manhood with only tiny piece of cloth keeping us seperated. She pushed her panties aside and I felt her warm and wet flesh against my shaft. She leaned over to the bedside table and took a packet of condom. And I felt her putting it on me before she lowered herself to my manhood. I looked up at her as she began to move up and down on top of me.

Suddenly, it wasn’t Marian anymore. It was another woman. I blinked, making sure what I was seeing was real. I tried to shut my eyes and open it again, hoping I’d see Marian but it was still the same woman.

“Something… wrong?” She asked as she pumped up and down.

I shook my head. “N-no…”

I just tried to concentrate on what we were doing. But for fuck’s sake, I couldn’t. Bakit si Marian ang nakita ko kanina? Have I had way too much alcohol last night? Was it the hang over?

Yeah, maybe it was just hang over. I’d probably overworked myself last night. I focused on the girl on top of me, gripping her waist with my hands and pushing the thought of Marian out of my mind.

Marian’s POV

I bit my bottom lip, trying to focus on cleaning the living room. It was hard to ignore it, that tight and heavy feeling in my chest. May nadampot na naman akong damit ng babae. Seth was with a woman inside his room doing God knows what.

Hindi dapat ako naaapektuhan ng ganito sa tuwing may dinadala siyang babae. Wala akong karapatan dahil wala naman kaming relasyon. Besides, I couldn’t compete with the women he beds. They all looked like someone who had stepped out of a fashion magazine. At ako? Ako lang naman si Marian Faith Perez. The ‘OC nagging bitch’.

Kaya nga kahit alam kong may nararamdaman na ako para sa kanya pilit ko pa rin iyon itinatanggi kahit sa sarili ko. I knew I wouldn’t stand a chance with him. He was way out of my league.

Bumukas ang pinto at lumabas doon ang isang babaeng naka lingerie lang. She was tall, slender, and beautiful. She stretched out her arms and yawned, before fixing her curly brown hair with her fingers.

“I can’t find my dress, Seth.” The girl said.

“Where’d you take it off?” Tanong ni Seth habang palabas ito ng kwarto.

“Nakapatong sa coffee table.” I answered.

Napalingon sa akin si Seth. We looked at each other for a couple of seconds. I swallowed, feeling my throat drying. I was the one who broke our gaze, when I couldn’t stand it any longer, I looked away. He had no idea how my chest like it was being squeezed seeing him with the woman he’d taken to his bed.

Parang wala lang na lumakad ang babae papunta sa coffee table. She proudly flaunted her body, the sway of her hips were unapologetic. She picked up her dress and put it on before turning to Seth.

“Come on, let’s go out.” Aya ng babae. Hinawakan niya si Seth sa kamay at hinila palabas.

Tinitigan ko ang pinto kung saan sila lumabas ng magsara iyon. Suddenly, I could feel my heart pounding hard against my chest. Habang nasa kwarto siya kasama ang babaeng iyon, may namuo nang plano sa isip ko. And I was going to finally do it.

I went to Seth’s room and saw what I was expecting to see. Messy sheets and used condoms. Dinampot ko ang condom na ginamit niya. This decision wasn’t out of impulse. Mula nang makausap ko sina Betsy, Andrea at Rose, wala na akong naisip kung hindi ang sinabi nila sa akin. I knew they were just kidding but I was serious about. I was positively sure that this was what I wanted. If I can’t be a wife, then at least let me be a mother.

Kaya ko naman bumuhay ng bata. Hindi man ako mayaman, meron naman akong negosyo. I did a lot of research and a lot of thinking before I finally decided that I wanted a baby. Kaya siguro nagmamadali na rin akong magkaboyfriend dahil nagsisimula nang magkick in ang maternal instinct ko.

I took out a syringe without a needle from my pocket and unknot the condom. Nagresearch din ako tungkol sa in vitro fertilisation at nagulat ako sa presyo. It was more expensive than I thought, it would cost me an arm and a leg for me to be able to afford it. So I thought of another alternative. I’d have to do this the Marian way.

I hope Seth wouldn’t mind. Itatapon lang naman din ito. One man’s trash is a desperate woman’s baby. Kung may mabuo man, hindi ko naman siya oobligahin sa bata. In fact, he wouldn’t know the baby is his. I was the only one who decided this. The baby would only be mine.

Lord, patawarin niyo po ako sa gagawin ko. Alam kong maling magnakaw pero gusto ko na talaga magkaanak. Sana ibigay niyo na po sa akin ito, please.

I filled the syringe up with his semen. Umupo ako sa gilid ng kama at ibinaba ang shorts at underwear ko. I opened my legs and positioned the syringe in. I could feel his warm essence flowing inside me as I pressed on the syringe until it was empty. Then I lifted my my shorts and underwear back up, hoping for the best.

Chapter Nineteen

Marian’s POV

I unconciously rested my hand on my stomach. All I needed was one sperm with a good sense of direction. One tiny sperm to conceive a baby. I probably had millions of little Seths swimming inside me right now. Sana lang magwork itong pinaggagawa ko. Hindi na nga boyfriend o asawa hinihiling ko, anak na lang okay na sa akin.

Swim, my little babies. Come to mama!

Seth had good genes. Mula kay tita Liza na mukhang former beauty queen at sa daddy niya na mukhang hollywood movie star noong kapanahunan niya hanggang kay Seth. Aba kapag may nabuo nga wala na akong talo d’un. Sure nang maganda ang baby ko.

I made sure I was fertile. Nagpacheck pa nga ako sa OB-GYN para masigurado. I lied and told her my ‘husband’ and I were trying to conceive. Binigyan niya pa nga ako ng fertility pill para daw mapabilis ang pagbubuntis ko. Thank God! Nataon na fertile ako ngayon! I also did a lot of research before doing this. I’d read that a lot of women have had artificial insemination at home using a syringe and most of them had successfully conceive. Sana matulad din ako sa mga babaeng iyon.

If it’s God’s will, it will happen.

Bumukas ang pinto at halos mapatalon ako sa gulat. I turned and saw Seth standing there. I guess when you know you did something wrong… no, not wrong… just not right (what’s so wrong about trying to save some of his sperm soldiers from dying in a plastic?), you tend to be more jumpy.

“Hindi ka pa tapos d’yan?” He asked.

“Malapit na.” I answered.

“Hey Marian.” I heard him sigh. Saka ako tumingin sa kanya. There was a hint of something in his eyes, something I couldn’t put my fingers on. “Aalis tayo ngayon.”

“Where are we going?” Tanong ko sa kanya.

“At a party.”

“Party?” Takang tanong ko.

“Oo, kaya bilisan mo na d’yan.” He said.

“Bakit hindi na lang yung babaeng kasama mo kanina ang isinama mo?”

He shrugged. “Because she’s not you-… I mean, she’s just good for a night in the sack. Iba ka sa mga babaeng dinadala ko dito. You’re my buddy.”

Buddy? It’s supposed to be good right? But it doesn’t feel that way. Buddy. Na buddy zoned ako?! Mas matatanggap ko pa sana kung inilagay niya ako sa friend zone pero buddy zone?! At least, ang friend zone may pag-asa pang mag level up. Madaming magkaibigan ang nagiging mag-boyfriend-girlfriend. Ilang buddy ba ang narinig niyong nagkatuluyan? It’s a step below friend zone. Bakit ba? Umaasa pa ba akong magugustuhan ako ni Seth? He made it clear a hundred of times before that I wasn’t his type. 

Ang mahalaga nakuha ko na ang kailangan ko sa kanya.

I’m sorry, Seth, I stole your sperm. Pero mas mapapakinabangan naman kaysa mabulok lang sa basurahan. Mamahalin at aalagan kong mabuti ang baby natin.

“O, bakit nakatulala ka d’yan?” His brow furrowed.

I shook my head. “W-wala lang.”

Hininto ni Seth ang kotse sa isang malaki at puting gate. Isang guard ang lumabas mula sa maliit na guardhouse sa gilid nito at kinawayan si Seth bago dahan-dahan na bumukas ang gate. He drove up into the driveway and pulled up in front of the house’s enormous porch with beautiful white pillars supporting it. The mansion had a mix of classic and modern, elegant and modest, sophisticated and comfortable. The combinations perfectly complimented each other. May mga bahay na sa sobrang gara parang nakakapanghinayang na tirahan, masarap lang tignan… those tacky houses that screams ‘MAYAMAN AKO’ at may mga bahay din na sa sobrang ‘modern’ hindi mukhang kumportableng tirahan. Pero ito, kahit malaki at magara parang kumportable pa rin tumira. It was the kind of house you could see yourself raising a child and growing old in.

Pagbaba namin may kinuha si Seth sa likod ng kotse. It was two huge boxes, one was wrapped in a cute pink gift wrapper the other one was wrapped in blue. Pinahawak niya sa akin ang pink. As we were walking to the porch, one of the dark wooden double door opened. Lumabas doon ang isang lalaki at halos mabitawan ko ang dala ko ng makita siya. He was tall, built, and he had gorgeous blonde hair… He was Adonis reincarnated, God’s gift to womankind.

Seth nudged me and he was already frowning when I turned my head to him.

“Akala ko hindi ka na pupunta.” Sabi ng lalaki.

“Pwede ba yun? I wouldn’t miss the twins’ birthday for the world.” He said as we walked towards the man who was standing in front of the porch. Huminto kami sa harap niya at mas gwapo siya sa malapitan, infairness. “Did we miss anything?”

“Nah, the party just started. Nasa loob na ang tatlo, they’re in the lounge having some drinks.” Sagot nito bago nabaling ang tingin niya sa akin. He gave me a wide smile. “You must be Marian?”

“Yes.” Matipid na sagot ko at nginitian ko din siya.

“I’m glad you could come. We’ve heard so much about you.” Sabi niya bago inilahad ang kamay niya sa akin. “I’m Phoenix Cordova, by the way. It’s a pleasure having you here.”

Tinanggap ko naman iyon. “Thank you. Alam mo kamukha mo si William Levy.” Hindi ko napigilan ang sarili ko. Mahilig akong manood nang Mexican telenovela at talagang sobrang crush ko si William. Syempre, para sa akin mas gwapo pa din si Seth pero nakaka starstruck ang kaibigan niya.

“I get that alot.” He winked at me.

Suddenly, Seth’s arm wrapped around the small of my back and tried to drag me forward. “Tatayo na lang ba tayo buong gabi dito, don’t you guys want to come inside? Come on, Marian, let’s go in.”

“I’m happily married, you asshole.” Natatawang sabi ni Phoenix.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Seth answered, not bothering to look back at his friend as he dragged me in.

“Audrey? Coco?” Sigaw ni Seth pagpasok pa lang sa mansyon. Lumabas ang dalawang bata at tumakbo papunta sa kinatatayuan namin. They both had blonde hair just like Phoenix, kamukhang kamukha niya ang dalawang bata. Naisip ko ang ginawa ko kanina. Sana magwork talaga yun, sana may mabuo. I wanted have a child. A mini Seth. I could imagine him or her having the same olive eyes, the same cute lips, the same proud nose. Pero yung itsura lang gusto kong mamana ng anak ko sa daddy niya, huwag naman pati ugali.

“Tito Seth!” Excited na sigaw ng batang babae. He bent down on his knees at sinalubong ang yakap ng dalawang bata.

“I have something for you two.” Sabi ni Seth at itinaas ang hawak niyang malaking box na may blue gift wrapped. “This one’s for Coco.” Inabot niya iyon kay Coco at lumingon siya sa akin para kunin ang isa pang regalo niya. “And this one’s for Audrey!” Sabi niya at inabot niya dito iyon sa batang babae.

They both hugged him and said ‘thank you’. It was cute, seeing the softer side of him, his soft spot for these children. Paano kaya siya maging daddy? How would he treat his own child? If he was a good tito, I bet he would be a better daddy.

“Hi, Seth. Buti naman at nakapunta ka.” Nakangiting lumapit ang isang magandang babae sa amin. She looked familiar. I felt like I’d already seen her before but I just couldn’t put my finger on it.

The kids excitedly ran away with the gift Seth gave them.

“Hey.” He smiled, widely. Seth met her half-way, he gave her a half hug and leaned over for a cheek to cheek kiss. “Hindi ko naman pwedeng hindi puntahan ang birthday party ng mga inaanak ko?”

“You can get your hands off my wife now.” I heard Phoenix say behind me. He walked passed me and to where the two of them were standing. Hinaklit niya ang babae sa baywang and he posessively pulled her away from Seth and to his side. The woman just chuckled, rolling her eyes at Phoenix.

“Nakilala mo na si Marian?” He asked his wife. Saka pa lamang siya napatingin sa akin. She gave me a warm smile.

“Hi, Marian. I’m sorry, I didn’t notice you.” Sabi ng babae. “We’re glad to have you here. Huwag kang mahihiya sa amin ah, feel at home. Ako nga pala si Cassie.”

Her name rang a bell.“Cassie? Cassandra Imperial?”

“Cassandra Imperial-Cordova.” Phoenix corrected.

“Have we met before?” She asked, brows furrowed.

“Classmates tayo noong college sa isang subject.” I said. Who could forget Cassandra Imperial? Hindi kami close, in fact I’d only spoken to her once. Pero kilala siya because she was one of the most popular girls in school. Cheerleader siya dati sa school namin at lahat yata ng kilala kong lalaki noon may crush sa kanya. Then she stopped going to her classes in the middle of the semester. May rumor na kumakalat noon na kaya daw tumigil siya sa pag-aaral ay dahil nabuntis siya. Cassandra didn’t seem like the promiscuous type pero hindi din natin masasabi. Young people do stupid things, and she was beautiful and a lot of guys liked her. 

I couldn’t help but envy her. Alam ko kasalanan ang mainggit pero hindi ko maiwasan. Halos magkasing edad lang kami at may pamilya na siya. She has a handsome husband and beautiful children. Ako single pa rin at mag-isa na lang, wala nang pamilya at walang nagmamahal sa akin. Why does life have to be so unfair sometimes?

“Really?” She said with an even wider smile. “What class? I can’t remember…”

“Sa history yata. Hindi ko na din matandaan, ang tagal na nun. Isang beses lang naman tayo nag-usap noon, noong umabsent ka tapos kumopya ka ng notes sa notebook ko.”

“Well, small world.” Sabi niya. “Mag-ano kayo ni Seth?”

My mind went blank at her question. What was I suppose to say? Mag-ano nga ba kami? I turned my head to him for help and he was looking at me too.

“Yeah, Seth, mag-ano ba kayo?” Nakangising tanong ni Phoenix.

“I just want to know kasi ngayon lang siya nagsama ng babae.” Cassie said, trying to fill the awkwardness.

“We’re buddies…” Nasagot ko na lang. Dahil iyon ang tinawag niya sa akin kanina di ba? Buddy…

“Ano’ng klaseng buddy naman? Bed buddy?” Tanong ni Phoenix. I was mortified with his bluntness. I felt really, terribly awkward.

“Nick…” Mahinang saway ni Cassie sa asawa. “You’re making our guests uncomfortable.”

“Asshole.” Sabi naman ni Seth at binigyan ng matalim na tingin ang kaibigan. “She’s just my friend.”

“Halika na nga, Marian.” Cassie grabbed me by the wrist. “Hayaan mo na yang dalawang yan, ganyan talaga yan. Ipakikilala na lang kita sa iba pang bisita.”

Seth’s POV

“She is one fine lady.” Wayne was looking out of the window with a glass of whiskey in one hand. He was watching Marian. Dinala ni Cassie si Marian sa pool where the party was at to introduce her to other guests.

“She’s sexy as hell.” Tumabi si Axel kay Wayne para silipin din si Marian. He took a sip from his glass. “I didn’t know your dick has standards.”

All of them laughed which made me frown even more.

“Will you assholes stop it. Marian is just my friend.” I said, annoyed and downed another shot.

“Man, I can’t wait for your bachelor’s party. Matagal ko nang gustong makaganti sa’yo.” Naiiling-iling na sabi ni Axel.

I grinned to myself as I remembered Axel’s bachelor’s party in Vegas. I got him knocked out drunk and had a stripper wax all his pubic hair off. He woke up the next day, went to the bathroom and freak the fuck out when he saw his hairless balls. It was epic.

He got pissed and mad at me hanggang sa pagbalik namin sa Pilipinas. Nawala lang ang galit niya pagkatapos ng honeymoon nila ni Valerie. I asked him how it went and he told me that Valerie loved it.

“I won’t have any bachelor’s party because I’m not going to get married. I’m going to stay a free man for the rest of my life. I don’t need any woman to run my life.” I scowled, pouring myself another drink and gulped it down.

“It’s not that bad. I swear, being married is one of the best thing that could ever happen to you.” Sabi ni Tristan.

“I don’t care. I am not going to get married. Never.” Mariin na sabi ko.

“I swear to God, kapag ikaw nagpakasal. Sa bachelor’s party mo, hindi lang pubes mo ang tatanggalin ko pati na yang bayag mo.” Axel said, laughing like a hyena.

“Mukha naman matino yung babae. Hindi yun papatol kay Seth.” Tristan shrugged.

“What the hell are you trying to say?” I said in a soft roar.

“She looks like someone would pick a stable guy over a party animal who doesn’t even have a job. She isn’t some ditzy club bimbo na pakitaan mo lang ng muscle o magandang kotse sasama na sa’yo.” He answered.

“I’m a fuckin’ stable guy, I do have a job. I’m making a living out of partying!” My jaw clenched. It was as if my blood had rushed up to my head.

“Why does it even matter to you? She’s just your friend right?” Wayne cocked a brow.

“I’m just… I’m just getting his facts straight.” The tension in my body suddenly softened.

Marian’s POV

Paggabi na at tapos na ang party. Nagsisi-uwian na din ang ibang mga bata. Marami kaming napag-usapan ni Cassie pati na din ang mga asawa ng mga kaibigan ni Seth. They were all really nice at ang gaganda din nila. For a moment, I thought this place was an exclusive community for beautiful people.

Cassie was really hands-on with the party kahit na may organizer at isang katutak na katulong sila. You could see how dedicated she was to her children. The rumors were true. Cassie really did get pregnant kaya huminto siya sa pag-aaral in the middle of the semester. Ngayon meron na siyang binata na kamukhang kamukha ng ama niya.

“Masarap ba maging ina?” Hindi ko napigilan itanong sa kanya habang nasa kitchen na kami.

She smiled. “Being a mother is the most fulfilling thing. Masarap panoorin ang mga anak mo habang lumalaki sila. Makikita mong lumabas yung kanya-kanyang personality nila. You see them grow and learn and develop.”

“Buti hindi ka naloloka, ang dami niyong anak.”

“Marami na ba yan?” She chuckled. “Gusto pa nga namin dagdagan.”

“Really? Hindi ba mahirap magbuntis at manganak?”

“Syempre, nahirapan din ako. Lalo na kay Miggy, I was only sixteen when I got pregnant with him. Maselan pa ang pagbubuntis ko noon, first baby ko tapos wala pang tatay ang anak ko. But you know what, once you see your baby, lahat ng paghihirap na iyon mawawala.”

“Hindi ba sabi mo sa akin ikaw ang mag-isang nagpalaki kay Miggy nang ilang taon. Was it hard being a single mother?”

“Mas madali kung meron pa rin tatay ang anak mo lalo na ’pag lalaki. So he has someone to look up to. Pero si Miggy lumaki naman siyang okay kahit wala siyang kinalakihan na daddy.” She answered. “Bakit? May balak ka na bang magkababy?”

I just smiled and silently prayed na sana may mabuo nga. Na may magandang kahinatnan ang kabaliwang ginawa ko. I hoped at least one of his sperm made its way to my ovary. Isang maliit na sperm lang. That was all I needed.

Hindi bale nang walang ama ang magiging anak ko. Kaya ko naman ibigay sa kanya ang pagmamahal na kailangan niya. I’d love that child with everything I have and much, much more. Kung si Cassie nga nakaya maging single mother at sobrang bata pa siya noong nagkaanak, ako pa kayang napaglipasan na yata ng panahon?

Chapter Twenty

Marian’s POV

God, let your will be done. Those were the only words I used to hear my mother pray. Tinanong ko si mama noon kung bakit iyon lang palagi ang sinasabi niya tuwing nagdadasal siya. Tinanong ko siya kung wala ba siyang gustong hilingin o sabihin bukod dun. Sabi niya sa akin hindi naman daw niya kailangan humiling ng kahit ano kasi alam na ng Diyos kung ano ang gusto natin bago pa natin idasal sa Kanya iyon. We only need to thank and trust Him because He already knows what we wanted most in our hearts. At kahit ano’ng hiling ko, kahit umiyak ka pa ng dugo, kung nakikita Niyang hindi para sa iyo yun, hindi Niya ibibigay iyon. He has better plans than we have for ourselves.

Karamihan daw kasi ang mga tao ngayon mas madami pa ang hiling sa dasal nila kaysa sa pasasalamat. Nakakalimutan na nila magtiwala sa plano ng Diyos at ipinipilit nila ang plano nila para sa sarili nila.

Parang ako. For so many years, I’d been wishing for a boyfriend, nakalimutan kong hindi pala genie si God. Kaya siguro hindi ako pinagbibigyan kasi mas nagmamagaling ako sa kanya. Maybe I just needed to let go of the plans I have for myself and surrender to the plan He had for me.

God, Let your will be done. I found myself uttering my mother’s prayer. I decided to stop asking anything from Him and trust His plans for me. I knew the chance of me getting pregnant was slim. Ilang babae na ba ang narinig niyo na nabuntis ng ganong paraan? Pero kung mangyayari, mangyayari. Kung para sa akin, para sa akin. Kung nagmeet nga ang sperm cell ni Seth at ang ovary ko, then thank God. Kung hindi, tanggap ko na na ito na talaga ang kapalaran ko.

Seth’s POV

“Wala nga si Seth dito.” Marian said in a controlled but irritated tone. I knew that tone too well. Kagigising ko lang at boses na niya ang narinig ko. I yawned, raking my fingers through my hair as I walked to the living room.

“Seth…” The girl said when she saw me. I froze. “There you are! Kanina pa kita hinahanap sabi sabi niya wala ka. May dala akong-” The girl held up a red box.

“Hindi yan si Seth, kambal niya yan. Pero ibibigay ko na lang sa kanya ’to.” Marian said, taking the box before shutting the door to her face. The girl kept knocking but Marian turned away and we both ignored it. Nagsawa din siguro ang babae at huminto na ito.

“Who was that?” I asked.

“You tell me.” She said in an irritated tone. She went to the kitchen and put down the box on table. “Wala naman sa pinagusapan natin na trabaho ko ang magtaboy sa mga babae mo. Hindi pa ba ako bayad sa utang ko sa’yo?” She untied the ribbon and opened the box. “Ugh! Chocolate na naman nakakasawa na.”

“Paanong hindi ka magsasawa? Ikaw umubos ng chocolates sa fridge.” My brow shot up in amusement. “Ibabawas ko yun sa sweldo mo.”

“Hindi mo naman ako sinuswelduhan.” She rolled her eyes.

“Idadagdag ko yun sa utang mo sa akin.” I retorted.

“Gusto mo talaga akong makasama ng matagal, no?” She gave me a teasing grin. She took out a fork from the drawer in dug it into the corner of the cake.

“Syempre, wala nang maglilinis ng bahay ko.” I shrugged. Sinubo niya ang cake at sarap na sarap na nginuya niya iyon. She carelessly eats like a little girl, getting some icing on the corner of her mouth. Natuon ang atensyon ko doon. I couldn’t focus on anything but that. Holy hell, how I wanted to lick off. Instead, I extended my finger to wipe off the smear of icing and all of a sudden she froze, unprepared for what I did. Good God, I wished it was my lips instead of my finger. I felt the strong urge to trace her soft and tender lips but I held myself back. Temptation was just around the corner and it was dangerously close.

I pulled away, feeling something run throughout my body— like an electric shock. I brought my finger to my mouth and licked the icing off and it was the sweetest damn thing I had ever tasted. “Not bad.” I said, relieving some of the tension I was feeling in the air.

Tumalikod ako sa kanya at itinuon na lang ang atensyon ko sa coffee maker na nasa countertop. I turned away from her so I could take a deep breath, trying to shrug away this unfamiliar feeling washing over me.

I poured out a cup. I had to pull myself back together before going back to the counter island table where Marian was sitting. Umupo ako sa harap niya at ibinaba ang kape sa ibabaw nito. She wrinkled her nose and grimaced.

“What?” Tanong ko ng makita ang ekspresyon ng mukha niya.

“You know I don’t like coffees.” She said. “But that! I can’t stand the smell of that. Masyadong matapang.”

Dinala niya ang isang buong cake palayo sa akin at umupo sa dining table. Doon niya tinuloy ang pagkain ng chocolate cake hanggang sa makalahati niya iyon. I smiled, shaking my head as I sip my coffee.

Chapter Twenty One

Marian’s POV

I texted Seth telling him na hindi ako makakapunta sa condo unit dahil masama ang pakiramdam ko. It was partly true. I had been feeling emotionally off since this morning. I just wanted to hibernate, just sit in the living room and watch movies the whole day. Pati nga sa flowershop hindi ako nakapunta, tinawagan ko na lang si Flor at sinabi kong siya na muna ang bahala doon.

I couldn’t stop crying like crazy in every movie I watched today. I was on my third movie, 50 First Dates. It was supposed to be funny but why was I still crying? Nandoon na ako sa part na pinanonood na ni Lucy ang video tungkol sa accident niya, and it had me sobbing like a baby, when the doorbell rang. I wasn’t expecting anybody today. Magsasabi naman sina Betsy kung pupunta sila dito. With a groan, I paused the movie and got up from the couch. I walked to the door and opened it to find Seth standing there.

“What are you doing here?” Agad na tanong ko.

“Just checking on my sick friend.” He answered. Seth looked at me straight in the eyes with a hint of concern. “Are you okay?”

I chewed my bottom lip, feeling my emotions bubbling up again. I felt like crying again. “Do you want me to tell you the truth or do you want me to lie?”

His brow furrowed in confusion.

I let out a sigh, holding my tears in. “I’m not okay. I feel like crap today. I just want to cry and watch movie and eat. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Seth, nababaliw na yata ako.”

He suddenly burst into laughter. That asshole! May nakakatawa ba sa sinabi ko? Nagdadrama na nga ako tapos tatawanan pa niya ako?

Inis na hinampas ko siya sa dibdib. “Ano’ng nakakatawa?”

“Matagal ka na naman kasing baliw.” He chuckled.

I frowned and was about to close the door nang iharang niya ang sarili niya doon. He pushed it open and walked inside my house. And then he wrapped an arm the back of my waist. I tried to push his hand away from me but with his firm hand, he just pulled me closer to his side. “I was just kidding. Wala rin naman akong gagawin. Let’s watch the movie together.”

He took me to the couch. Nahiga siya doon at hinatak niya ako sa tabi niya at napahiga din ako. We laid down, spooning on the couch. Oh my god! I could never just get used to him. Ilang beses na kaming nagtabi pero ganito pa din ang epekto sa akin. I felt butterflies having a blast in my stomach.

Inabot niya ang remote control na nakapatong sa coffee table at pinlay ang movie. He rested his hand on my waist after putting the remote control back down. I could feel him breathing, the rise and fall of his chest against my back. I could smell him. His manly scent mixed with his expensive cologne invading my senses.

You’re just buddies, remember? I reminded myself. He would never see me the way he sees other women. Kaya nga kaya niya akong tabihan ng ganito nang hindi pinagnanasahan. Because we’re just buddies. Kahit kailan hindi maaattract sa akin si Seth.

But it felt nice having someone just having him here for me. His presence, even though it confused me, lightened up my crappy mood. I could just easily close my eyes and pretend we were couples.

Tahimik kaming nanood hanggang sa matapos namin iyon.

“Kaya mo din bang gawin iyon?” Tanong ko sa kanya after turning off the tv.

“What?”

“Yung mga ginagawa ni Henry para kay Lucy. Can you see yourself doing that for a woman?”

“Drew Barrymore’s hot as hell but I think it would be exhausting. I don’t want to wake up everyday to my wife freaking out because she thought a random guy is sleeping in her bed.”

“Kahit mahal na mahal mo?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never really loved a woman besides my mother. But what I do know is that love makes you stupid, I’ve seen what it did to my father and my friends. Kaya hindi ko din masasabi.”

“So you do believe in love.” I smiled.

“Of course, but it’s just not for everyone. Katulad natin.”

“Natin?”

“Oo, natin. You want to find love and settle down. I don’t want to find it because I don’t think I’m ready for it.”

I shifted, turning to my back so I could look at him. He was on his side with his head propped up with an elbow.

“Pero hindi ka ba nacucurious kung ano ang pakiramdam ng mainlove?”

He shook his head and looked at me like I said something stupid. “Why would I want to be tied down when there’s so much I can do with my life?”

“Kailan ka magiging ready?”

“Kapag nagawa ko na ang lahat ng gusto kong gawin. Maybe when I’m 50.” He chuckled.

“Paano kapag nalaman mong may naanakan ka pala?” I swallowed.

“Fuck no! Don’t say bad words.” He gave me a scowl. “Hindi mangyayari iyon. I’m always careful when in comes to things like that.”

“Paano lang?” I bit my bottom lip. Paano pagmay nabuo nga? Paano kung buntis na nga ako ngayon?

“I honestly don’t know what I would do. I want more to life than changing diapers. I don’t think I’m ready for that. Ayoko pa magkaanak.”

Kawawa naman pala ang magiging baby natin kung sakali. Hindi siya tatanggapin ng daddy niya.

“What about you? Bakit nagmamadali ka na? It’s as if you women only live for love. You women convince yourself that some God put you here on earth to be with that one person.”

“And you live for sex.” I rolled my yees.

“I live for myself. I can do without sex. It just makes everything more fun but I can live without it.” He shrugged.

“Whatever we live for or what we believe in, at the end of the day, isa lang naman ang gusto natin di ba? Ang maging masaya. We all just want to be happy. Everybody just has different perception of happiness. You know, for the past weeks, I’d been daydreaming of becoming a mother. A vision of me holding a baby in my arms, rocking and singing while the little baby cooed. That’s what happiness is for me.”

I saw how his face softened. We fell silent for a few moment as he stroked my hair. We just looked at each other. Eyes. Those friggin’ eyes. They were so beautiful. I didn’t want to fill the silence with words. The silence felt pure and deep and honest. It was so soothing.

“Want me to show you a different kind of happiness?” He asked, all of a sudden. Bago pa ako nakasagot ay tumayo na siya mula sa pagkakahiga. “Come on, let’s do something stupid together.” He held me by my hand and pulled me up.

“Teka, saan tayo pupunta?” I asked, as he dragged me out of my house. He shoved me inside his car, in the passenger’s seat and he went around to the driver’s side. He started engine and took off.

“Think of one stupid thing you’ve always wanted to do.” He said, his eyes fixed on the road.

“I can’t think of anything.” I said.

“Come on, you’ve never thought of doing something stupid in your whole entire life?” Tumaas ang isang kilay niya. He wasn’t convinced.

“Well… I’ve— I’ve thought of getting a tattoo when I was younger.” I answered. Hanggang isip lang naman iyon. Bukod sa takot ako sa karayom, takot akong mag-iwan ng marka sa katawan ko na pagsisihan ko balang-araw.

“We’ll get you your tattoo.” He grinned.

“What? NO! I don’t want to get a tattoo!” Mariin na protesta ko.

“Yes, you do. You just said it.” Nakangisi pa rin na sabi niya. “You know what’s wrong with you? You’re living your life in fast forward. You always think of the consequences, of what will happen in the future. You think so much of the future that you forget the now. Paano kung hanggang bukas na lang ang buhay mo? It’s okay to do what you’ve always wanted to do because someday we’re all going to end up in the ground, we’ll all be gone. Might as well enjoy the now, right?” He turned his head to me. “So, do you want to get a tattoo?”

“I— I guess so…” I said, still a bit unsure. But his speech, at that moment, made perfect sense to me.

I got a small Yin tattoo below my left pinkie toe and Seth had the Yang tattooed below his right pinkie toe. I almost jumped out of my seat when I heard the sound of the tattoo machine but it didn’t hurts as much as I thought it would. Nagandahan naman ako sa kinalabasan.

When we walked into the tattoo shop, hindi ko alam kung ano ang ipagagawa kong tattoo o saan parte ng katawan ko ilalagay iyon. The tattoo artist thought Seth and I were couples so he suggested the yinyang symbol tattoo. Seth liked the idea of it and so did I, kaya yun na lang ang pinili ko. He ended up getting himself tattooed too. Kapag pinagtabi ang left at right foot namin mabubuo ang yinyang symbol. He said it was a sign of our friendship. So we could have something to remind ourselves of each other.

Anyone would say what we did was stupid and impulsive but I didn’t care. I was happy with our matching tattoos. What was important was the now, right?

“Does it still hurt?” Tanong niya habang nagmamaneho na pabalik sa bahay.

I smiled and shook my head.

“Did you like your tattoo?”

“I love it.” Masayang sabi ko.

“I love mine too.” Ngumiti din siya. “Do you trust me?”

“Huh?” Takang tanong ko.

“Do you trust me?” He repeated.

“I— yes…” Yun na lang ang nasagot ko.

“Buckle up, you’re up for a crazy ride.” He said before flooring the accelarator pedal. He turned up the music volume in full blast as the song “Fast Car” played. I screamed and he just let out a careless laugh. Sa sobrang bilis ng kotse, pakiramdam ko parang lumilipad na kami. It was as if my body was living my soul behind. He took my hand and held it while the other one was on the steering wheel. And I wasn’t scared anymore. Nawala lahat ng takot ko. It was the now. What was important was the now. Everything around us was a blur of colors. All I could see was him and his face. He was stunning. It felt like we were in an another dimension, in our little world and I couldn’t feel a thing except his warm hand on mine. I had never felt this alive before.

That night I experienced euphoria in a whole new level. So this was his kind of happiness. The impulsivity, the wildness, the sponteneousness… I loved it.

The car stopped in front of my house. Sandali kaming tahimik na umupo doon. Bago ako nagsalita.

“Thank you, Seth. I really had fun.” Sabi ko sa kanya. “If this was a date, this would be the best date I have ever had.”

Humarap siya sa akin, seryoso ang mukha. He brought his hand to the back of my head and pulled me to him. He crashed his lips to mine. Napasinghap ako sa gulat because I wasn’t expecting this. He nibbled on my lower lip. I felt a heat spread through my entire body. I opened my mouth for him and that was when he pulled away, his breathing loud and labored.

Narinig ko ang marahas na pagmura niya nang masandal siya sa kinauupuan niya. I just looked at him shocked.

“I— I’m sorry.” Mahinang sabi niya.

Sorry? He was sorry for kissing me. Was it that bad? I felt hurt and embarrassed. Asshole! I slapped him on the face. Nanlaki ang mga mata niya sa pagkabigla. I tugged on his shirt with my hands and pulled him to me.

I kissed him. Mimicking the kiss he gave me seconds ago before pulling away. “Now, were’ even!” Sabi ko bago ko nagmamadaling binuksan ang pinto ng kotse at tumakbo papasok sa bahay.

Mother of Christ, what just happened?

Chapter Twenty Two

Seth’s POV

It was already seven in the morning. Nakauwi ako galing sa club nang alas-kwatro ng madaling araw. I couldn’t sleep a wink, I kept tossing and turning in my bed. The tattoo, the ride, the kiss, the slap, the other kiss, that was all I could think about.

I didn’t know what had gotten in to me. Masyado akong nadala sa mga nangyari. The excitement, the adrenaline rush, and everything. And I felt so… happy. The kind of happy that makes you feel like everything is right, that you never could possibly do anything wrong. It was as if my mind had ruled out any logical sense when I kissed her.

Her lips felt soft against mine and her breath was as sweet as strawberry. I could never get it out of my mind even if I wanted. When she began to respond to my kiss, I pulled away because it scared me. The feelings I had for her scared me. I knew from the shock that electrified me entirely the moment our lips locked, that it was more than physical attraction. She made me feel alive.

I wasn’t supposed to feel this way for her. I wasn’t supposed to kiss her. But I did feel this way and I kissed her. I got scared because I had never felt this way for any woman before. It was all new to me and I didn’t know how to deal with these feelings. I loved how it felt but I also hated how confused it made me.

I blew out a soft curse when my feelings began to hit me. The feelings I didn’t want to acknowledge came hitting me like hitting the ground from ten thousand feet without a parachute. No matter how much I deny it to other people and to myself, I knew I was attracted to her. I knew it the first time I saw her.

I’d been attracted to a handful of women before but never like this. I had never lost sleep thinking of any of those women, over a kiss. Shit! Of all women, why did it have to be Marian? I didn’t want any of these stupid feelings to fuck our friendship up. What we had was more than great! I loved how she makes me feel whenever we were together. It wasn’t sexual, it was familiar and comfortable and loving. Sure I’ve had my ‘weak moments’ when I’d fantasized about her while I was having sex with other women but it was different when I’m with her. Her presence was enough to satisfy me. I didn’t need her lying under me with legs wide open for me to make me feel things for her, her presence was all I needed. She was on a different pedestal from the other women.

Marian’s POV

I woke up to my stomach feeling weird, I felt so uncomfortable and queasy. Nausea hit me hard and strong the moment I sat up, it felt like my stomach had turned 180 degree. I rushed to the bathroom, throwing up almost nothing but bitter bile. Pagod na pagod na napasandal ako wall nang banyo sa tapat ng toilet nang tumigil na ang pagtaob ng sikmura ko. I felt like I had puked my guts out.

I took some time to catch my breath and as my breathing went back to normal and my my mind was cleared of all the haze, a thought popped into my mind. I bolted up like a jack in the box. Posible ba ang naiisip ko? This was the classic sign of pregnancy right? Morning sickness. Hindi ba ganun nalalaman nang mga bida sa teleserye na buntis na sila?

I paced back and forth my small bathroom. It was three weeks ago when I did it, when I injected his semen inside me. Oh my God, posible ba talagang may nabuo na? I’d never been pregnant before so how would I know? Baka naman masyado lang napadami ang chocolate na nakain ko kahapon. My mind was racing and my heart thumped with excitement. I wanted the baby, hindi ko pinagsisisihan ang ginawa ko pero I just didn’t want to get my hopes up. I splashed my face with cold water in the sink to fully wake myself up and I brushed my teeth to remove the bitter taste in my mouth.

I ran back to my room and opened my planner. There were little stars on dates I was supposed to have my period. I missed my period five days ago. My heart raced a little faster. Hindi kaya na late lang ng konti? I didn’t want to be pessimistic about it but I didn’t want to be disappointed because after all, what are the odds?

My legs felt like it turned to jelly. Sandali akong umupo sa gilid nang kama as I tried to collect myself. What should I do? My brain scattered for a quick resolution but I just couldn’t think of anything else. I needed to relax, that was what I should do.

Ipinatong ko ang kamay ko sa ibabaw ng tiyan ko. My stomach was still flat and I still felt the same. Bukod sa nangyari kanina, wala naman akong naramdaman nagbago sa akin. I never felt anything move or grow in my stomach.

Baby, are you there?

I wanted to talk to someone about this. Si Seth agad ang naisip kong tawagan. Nasanay na kasi akong siya ang una kong tinatawag when I needed someone to talk to or when I needed to let something out. I almost did but I remembered about last night and the fact that this possible baby was his. Anong sasabihin ko sa kanya? Na posibleng buntis ako ngayon dahil ininject ko ang semilya niya sa loob ko three weeks ago!

I was startled when the doorbell rang. It instantly pulled me from my racing thoughts. It took awhile before I got to my feet and answered the door. I took a sharp breath in when I found out who it was. Ang huling taong gusto kong makita ngayon. Of course, it had to be him.

“I’m so fuckin’ tired. I haven’t had any sleep.” Seth said, grumpily. Halata nga sa itsura nito na hindi pa siya nakakatulog. His eyes were red and there were dark circles under it.

“Then what are you doing here? You should go home and get some sleep.”

“Damn it! This is all your fault!” Inis na sabi niya habang tuloy-tuloy na pumasok sa bahay.

Pumamewang ako. “Ako? How is it my fault? Kasalanan ko bang nagparty ka na naman hanggang abutin ka na ng umaga?”

“I’ve been up all night because I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened last goddamn night!” He said in frustration.

Sandali akong natigilan at bahagyang napaawang ang bibig ko. I opened my mouth but no words came out. What was I going to say to him anyway?

He exhaled a long, heavy breath before walking closer to me. He cradled my face in his hands and pulled me close for a soft kiss. Sandali akong natigilan sa pagkabigla pero agad din akong nakabawi.

“What… are… you doing?” I struggled to say as his lips covered mine. I tried to pull away but he wouldn’t let me. His hands were strong and firm yet gentle as he held me. It didn’t take long for me to get lost in his kiss. His kiss became bold when I began to move my lips with his. He tilted his head to kiss me more deeply. I opened my mouth when I felt his tongue glide in between my lips and he darted it right in. Napasinghap ako sa ginawa niya. His tongue explored my mouth, gliding and swirling and teasing. He tasted delicious. My tongue copied what his was doing.

A scream rose from my throat but was muffled by his mouth on mine when he lifted me up. Pinangko niya ako na hindi hinihiwalay ang mga labi niya sa akin at naglakad papunta sa kwarto. The door to my room was open, pumasok kami at magnet niya akong ibinaba sa kama.

We continued kissing until our lungs threatened to explode. He pulled away pero hindi pa din halos hinihiwalay ang labi sa akin. Our lips were still against each other as we breathed heavily in and out of each other’s mouth. He then gave me a kiss on the forehead bago niya ibinaon ang mukha niya sa leeg ko. I hadn’t fully taken in what just happened when I felt his breath on my neck. His breathing, deep and steady, told me that he had already fallen asleep.

Chapter Twenty Three

Marian’s POV

His head was cradling into my neck. I could feel his every breath. Inhale, and his chest brushed my breast. Exhale, and I could feel it warm on my neck. I mindlessly ran my fingers through his thick hair while I was staring up at the ceiling.

My lips were still swollen from the kiss. But God, it felt so good. His arm constricted tighter around my waist. The kiss was wonderful but his actions were confusing. He said we were just buddies but he kissed me last night and he kissed me today. What does that mean? Qualified na ako sa mga babaeng pwede niyang ikama? Was I going to be one of the many women he beds? Would I let myself be one of them?

No… no… I shook my head. Hindi ako magpapakababa ng ganon. Ayaw kong mapabilang sa mahabang listahan niya ng mga babaeng naikama niya, kahit gaano pa kasarap ang halik niya at kahit gaano pa kainit ang yakap niya. Even though I knew I had feelings for him, alam kong ako din ang talo sa huli kapag iniwan niya na ako. Just like the other women he’d been with. Okay na sa akin kung ano ang meron kami… Besides, nakuha ko na naman ang gusto ko mula sa kanya.

Maingat kong tinanggal ang braso niyang nakapulupot sa baywang ko. He let out a groan but thankfully, he didn’t wake up. I took my time to stare at him. He looked so peaceful in his sleep. The normally sharp edges of his cheekbones were softened and his lips pouted to perfection. I could almost imagine what our baby would look like.

After awhile, tumayo ako mula sa kama. I wanted to find out if I were really pregnant. I took a quick shower before I left the house to buy a pregnancy test kit from a nearby drugstore. Nagmamadali akong umuwi pagkatapos kong makabili. I was excited and nervous at the same time. Naramdaman ko ang pagkabog ng dibdib ko habang nasa banyo ako at inilalabas ko na ang pregnancy test kit mula sa box nito. It felt like my heart would jump out of my chest. I did what the instructions told me to do. I peed on the stick.

I had to wait for five minutes for the result to show up, it said here on the box. The anticipation was starting to kill me. Lumabas ako mula sa banyo at umupo sa couch habang hinihintay ang resulta. One line means negative, two line means positive. One faint red line started to show up.

Seth’s POV

Marian… I reached for her warmth and was met by an empty space. Was it all just a dream? I fluttered my eyes open and stretched out my arms. I was in Marian’s room. Hindi ako nanaginip. I really went to her house and kissed her. Agad akong napabalikwas sa kama.

I raked my fingers through my hair as I sat on the edge of the bed. The feeling of her lips against mine was the best feeling in the world. I’d been restless, up all night because I couldn’t stop thinking about Marian and the kiss we shared last night. Tired of tossing and turning on my bed, I got out of it and went to Marian’s house. Sure enough, a surge of relief rushed over me when I saw her and it instantly soothed my restlessness. I didn’t plan on kissing her again, it was as if I had acted by reflex.

I couldn’t feel an ounce of regret in my body. She wanted it as much as I did, I felt it. Siguro kailangan lang namin pag-usapan kung anong relasyon ang meron kami ngayon. I’d be happy with whatever we have as long basta hindi siya lalayo sa akin.

I stood to my feet and went out of the room to talk to Marian. Her bedroom door was behind the couch and she was just sitting quietly on it, her back turned to me.

“Marian…” Tawag ko sa kanya.

She jumped a bit on her sit, I startled her. Lumapit ako sa kanya at nagmamadaling kinuha ang puting bagay mula sa coffee table na nasa harap niya.

My brows furrowed. “What is that?”

“What?” Patay-malisyang sabi niya habang mahigpit ang hawak ng dalawang kamay niya sa bagay na iyon na nakapatong ngayon sa hita niya.

“What’s that in your hands?” I asked.

“Oh, this is nothing.”

“Marian…” I said, slightly pissed. She was obviously trying to hide. We knew almost everything about each other and what goes on with our lives. When did she start keeping something from me?

“Wala nga ’to.” She rolled her eyes.

“Kung wala lang yan bakit ayaw mong ipakita?” I asked again, my curiosity growing more.

“Because… I… I, um… I just…” She stammered.

“Because what?” Naglakad ako palapit sa kanya hanggang sa nasa harap niya na ako. She stared up at me with a mixture of panic and anxiety in her eyes. I bent my knees in front of her to level with her.

“Because I don’t want to!” She shouted.

My hands reached for hers. It was cold and trembling… Whatever was that thing in her hands, I knew I had to see it. I gently opened her shaky palms and it was as if she had been sucked out of energy and just slumped against the couch. A white stick? I picked it up and looked at it. It didn’t instantly occur to me what it was. But as I was staring at it and finally realized what it was, my body stiffened. A pregnancy test kit. And oh look, it had two red lines!

I looked at Marian. She was chewing her lower lip as she looked at me with an anxious expression.

“Is… is this yours?” My voice squeaked as I force the words out of my mouth.

Dahan-dahan siyang napatango.

“You’re pregnant?!” A harsh roar rose up from my throat. I felt like the world has collapsed, like I was torn apart, like flames burnt through my body.

Chapter Twenty Four

Marian’s POV

Nanlamig ang buong katawan ko sa tono ng boses ni Seth. I had never seen him this angry. At kahit kailan hindi siya nagtaas ng boses ng ganito sa akin. His eyes were sullen and cold as it looked into mine.

I swallowed, feeling like there were sandpapers in my throat. “Yes…” I croaked.

He let out a loud curse as he stood right up. Aburidong isinuklay niya ang mga daliri niya sa buhok niya at tumalikod sa akin. I heard him take a deep breath in bago siya muling humarap.

“Kay Patrick ba?” His voice was slightly strangled.

I slowly shook my head.

“Kanino?! Tell me!” Tumaas na naman ang boses niya.

Napakurap ako. It’s yours.

But I could never tell him that. Ako lang naman ang may gustong magkaanak. Mag-isa kong binuo ito. I didn’t want to burden him with a baby he never wanted. Besides, hindi naman din siya maniniwala kahit sabihin ko ang totoo. Maybe he’d even think I was going crazy. Even I had doubts that what I did would work at first.

“I… I don’t know.” Mahinang sagot ko.

“YOU DON’T KNOW?!” Frustrated na sinabunutan niya ang sarili niya. “What the hell do you mean?! What? Did an incubus get you pregnant in your sleep?”

“I had a one night stand!” I exclaimed.

“A one night stand?!” Shock flood his face before his expression turned stern. Sandali niya akong tinitigan at hinilot niya ang sentido niya. A minute passed by before he spoke again. “I didn’t know you were that kind of girl.”

“I don’t think you know much about me.” I retorted.

His jaw clenched up and there was so much coldness in his eyes that I could feel piercing right into my bones, making me shiver. “Yeah, I guess I don’t really know you at all.”

He took a few steps back while looking at me like he didn’t even know what he was looking at. Pagkatapos ay tumalikod na siya at naglakad papunta sa pinto. I watched him leave. My heart constricted painfully at the sight of him leaving. I took in a deep breath to keep my tears at bay.

Hinawakan ko ang tiyan ko. Hindi bale, baby. Kahit wala kang daddy, nandito naman ako. Hinding-hindi kita pababayaan. I will love you more than anything in this world.

Seth’s POV

I poured myself another glass of whiskey and downed it in one go, the heat travelling from my mouth down to my throat and my stomach. This was my third shot and it didn’t even do shit. I let out a frustrated scream as I threw the glass against the wall and it shattered into million pieces. I was so agitated. I felt like I wanted to scream until my throat is raw, smash things, tear things up.

I thought a few shots would help me calm down but it wasn’t doing anything! I needed release! If I couldn’t kill the guy, I begged to whatever god that can hear me to kill whoever knocked her up. I suddenly found myself laughing at my thoughts like a fuckin’ lunatic. Or was I really going loony?

Fuck! I needed to get out of here. I got out of my unit at sumakay ako sa kotse ko. I drove my car like the fuckin’ madman I was that night. Driving in full speed used to give me an adrenaline rush but now, it did nothing. It had no effect on me. All I got from it was a speeding ticket. Ah, what a fantastic day. Could it get any better than this?

After deciding, I’ve had enough. I drove back home but stopped midway. I didn’t want to be left alone with myself to know. Damn it! Pakiramdam ko mababaliw ako. I needed someone to keep me company. I found myself driving to this discreet, high-end brotello called Lush. I parked my car in front of the building and went in. I had been in here when I was fourteen, it was out of curiosity and peer pressure. I’d seen women pole dancing and jiggling their boobs but that was about it. My dad had been open about sex since I was a kid which usually irked my conservative mother. He used to tell me that guys who pay for sex are not men. But now i just didn’t have the energy to go flirt with women in clubs and bars. I just wanted someone… anyone!

I knocked a few times before the door opened. A pretty woman with bob haircut greeted me with a sweet smile on her face.

“Hi, good evening, sir.” She opened the door wider. “Come in.”

“I want a woman.” I nonchalantly said. No need for formality. I just wanted a woman to take home.

“Pasok ka, ipakikita ko sa’yo ang mga-”

“Wanna go to my place?” I asked her, not interested of what she was saying.

She paused and looked at me for a few seconds, as if she was studying. Then a smile spread across her face. “Well… sure.”

“Great!” I grabbed her hand and dragged her to my car and we took off.

Nang makaakyat kami sa condo unit, she didn’t waste anytime. She wrapped her arms around my neck the moment I closed the door behind us. She was about to kiss me when I turned my head away.

“Whoa! Easy there, baby.” I said, putting my hands on her shoulders and pushing her away. “Why don’t we get ourselves a drink first, huh?”

“Okay.” She shrugged.

I walked to the mini bar in the corner of the living room and grabbed a bottle of vodka and two glasses. I went back to where she was and saw that she had already made herself comfortable on the couch.

“Do you mind?” She took out a stick of cigarette.

“No, not at all.” I said, sitting down next to her. Ibinaba ko ang dalawang baso sa ibabaw ng coffee table at nilagyan iyon ng vodka.

“So, what do you want to do?” She seductively asked, she took a drag and puffed out the smoke.

“I don’t know, talk?” Kibit-balikat na sabi ko.

“You do know I’m a prostitute, right?” Natatawang sabi niya.

“I am perfectly aware of that.” I said, taking a sip from my glass.

“Okay if you want to talk, then let’s talk.” Sabi niya. And talk we did. By the time I got to my fifth glass, I was already feeling a bit out of it.

“Then we got this stupid fucking tattoo!” I blabbered, pointing at the tattoo on my foot.

“Yin and yang, the symbol of everything, the representation of life, the light and the dark, the sun and the moon, the chaos and peace, the good and the bad… two opposites that can’t live without each other. Nabasa ko sa isang librong. Interesting, huh?” She nodded her head as she looked at my tattoo.

I gave her a scowl. “Yeah, I don’t care. I’m going to peel off this tattoo with a knife. I hate it.”

“Bakit? Maganda naman.”

“It’s only going to remind me of her.”

“Hindi ba iyon ang dahilan kung bakit kayo nagpatattoo? You got the tattoo because you two wanted something to remind you of each other?”

“Yeah but it’s just so fuckin’ complicated right now. So anyway, I took her home after getting our tattoo and we kissed, twice! And I couldn’t stop thinking about the kiss the whole night and I went to her house this morning and we made out on… on her fucking bed.”

“Mmhmm…” She nodded her head like a patient therapist listening to her loony patient. “And then what happened?”

“I woke up, caught her with a pregnancy test, she tried to hide it but I didn’t let her off the hook. It was positive, shawarma!”

“It’s Chantala!” She rolled her eyes and then patted me on the back. “But congratulations, magiging daddy ka na. You should be proud of yourself, at least alam mong  hindi ka baog.”

“It’s not mine!” I exclaimed. “We never had sex! She’s pregnant with the spawn of a random shithead she doesn’t even know. If she wanted her itch scratched she should’ve just- FUCK!”

“Aw, poor you.” Sabi niya.

I grabbed the bottle of vodka and was about to down it when she took it away from me. “Tama na. Lasing ka na.”

“Putangina, pinrotektuhan ko siya kay Patrick tapos sasabihin niya sa akin na nabuntis siya sa one night stand!” I snapped.

“Halika na nga, nasaan ba ang kwarto mo. Matulog ka na, lasing na lasing ka na oh.” She grabbed my arm up. “I’m going to charge you extra for this!”

Marian’s POV

I had already scheduled an appointment to an OBGYN. I had to take another pregnancy test because I wanted to make sure and it came out positive again! Hindi pa din ako makapaniwala hanggang ngayon na may baby na na lumalaki sa tiyan ko. Some would think it was just pure luck but I knew this baby was heaven’s gift to me, a silent prayer that had been answered. This baby was my miracle and a surprise blessing from God.

I was happy, I really was but guilt started rushing in. One thing I had in common with Mama Mary was that she got pregnant a virgin. But Jesus was conceived without sin. This baby was conceived in a sinful and unnatural way. I practically stole Seth’s semen and I lied to him about the baby’s father.

Whatever we had was enough and I didn’t expect more from him. Mabuti na yung ganito. Mabuti na yung wala siyang alam. He deserves to live his life without any worry or responsibility. Kung anuman ang meron kami, tapos na iyon ngayon. I knew by the way he looked at me yesterday, like I was a piece of trash. It was good while it lasted. The moments we shared together was special to me but I knew it wasn’t as special to him. He was just probably angry because he found out I was pregnant before we could even have sex. Typical Seth.

All I could do was act like nothing had happened and that it didn’t hurt. I would still go to his condo and clean his place. And that was exactly what I did today, I went to his condo to clean his place up.

Pagkapasok ko pa lang bumungad na sa akin ang dalawang baso na nasa ibabaw ng coffee table, at isang boteng vodka, and a butt of cigarette with a lipstick mark on it. He was definetely with a woman. He probably kissed her the way he kissed me and the thought of it made my heart ache.

Dinadampot ko pa lang ang mga baso sa mesa nang bumukas ang pinto nang kwarto ni Seth. Lumabas siya mula doon kasama ang isa na naman babae. Ano ba ang bago doon? 

“Take care of yourself.” Malambing na sabi nang babae habang hinihimis ang pisngi niya. He just gave her a faint smile and then his eyes darted towards mine. Napaigti ako nang magtama ang mga mata namin.

Sinubukan kong umiwas sa kanila. I quickly picked up whatever I had to pick up and rushed to

the kitchen. I heard the door open and close.

I screamed in pain when I felt a sharp pain slice through the bottom of my left foot as I made my way towards the sink. I looked down and saw tiny shards of glass. Inilapag ko sa kitchen island ang mga hugasin at umupo sa stool.

“What happened?” Nagmamadaling pumasok si Seth sa kusina.

“Nakaapak lang ako ng bubog.” I said, resting my left foot on my right lap.

“Let me see.” Sabi niya. Lumapit siya sa akin at tinignan ang paa ko. One tiny shard of glass stuck to my skin. Seth was able to pull it out and blood gushed out of my skin. Hindi naman malalalim ang sugat. I guessed I was just more surprised than hurt. He cleaned it with betadine afterwards and put a bandaid on it.

“Magwawalis lang ako dito-” I said about to jump out of the stool.

“No.” Seth said in a stern tone. “You shouldn’t be here anymore.”

“Huh?” I looked at him. His eyes were stoic and controlled. Agad siyang nagbaba ng tingin ng titigan ko siya.

“I think you should just go home… and leave my key.”

“Ano’ng ibig mong sabihin?”

“You’re, um, pregnant.You shouldn’t do these kind of work anymore. Take care of yourself and the baby.” He took a quick glance on my flat tummy before his eyes fell to the ground.

“P-paano ang utang ko sa’yo?” I asked. Why does it feel like my heart had dropped down my gut?

“Forget about it.” Nagkibit-balikat siya.

“But…” Mahinang sabi ko. What was I going to do? Beg him to let me stay? Gusto kong matawa sa sarili ko. Pinakakawalan na nga ako, ayaw ko naman umalis. Had I develop some kind of Stockholm Syndrome-ish thing? If that was what he wanted then fine. I raised my chin up. Kinuha ko ang susi sa unit niya sa bulsa ko at inilapag ko sa ibabaw ng island table. “Okay, here’s your key. Salamat naman at hindi ko na kailangan bumalik dito.”

“It was nice knowing you.” Walang bakas na emosyon na sabi niya. I felt like my chest was being ripped apart from the inside. Ganun na lang ba yun?

Pinilit kong ngumiti kahit parang gustong sumabog ng dibdib ko, kahit parang may nakabara sa lalamunan ko, kahit mahapdi na ang mata ko sa pagpigil ng luha ko. “Good bye, Seth.”

“Bye, Marian.” He smiled at me with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

Chapter Twenty Five

Marian’s POV

It took everything I had not to let my tears fall in front of him. But as soon as the door closed behind me, my mask of strength came crashing down. My shoulders collapsed as though the weight of the world fell on me. Awang-awa ako sa sarili ko. Tinaboy niya lang ako na parang wala kaming pinagsamahan. Na parang kailan lang hindi niya ako hinalikan, hindi kami nagtabi sa iisang kama, hindi siya nakatulog habang yakap ako… How could he easily get rid of me like that?

Hindi ko naman ineexpect na tanggapin o akuin niya ang bata. I knew Seth was allergic to commitment of any sort. But to get rid of me like that? To look at me like I was the most disgusting human being on the planet?

My feet brought me to church. My mother once told me that churches were a place for broken people who wants to be whole again. I felt broken, crushed, smashed, in my heart, in my soul, everywhere.

I prayed. Katulad nga ng sabi ng mama ko, if something gets too hard to stand, kneel. I thanked Him for this life inside my womb and asked for strength.

Pagkatapos kong magdasal nakita kong may ilaw ang ibabaw ng confessional booth. I went in and knelt down. “Bless me father for I have sinned.” My voice quivered as tears welled up my eyes. “Father, ninakaw ko po ang semilya ng kaibigan ko.”

“Ano?!” He asked, losing the tranquility in his voice.

“N-ninakaw ko po ang semilya ng kaibigan ko at pinasok ko po sa akin. Tapos po nagpregnancy test ako, positive po ang lumabas.” I sobbed. “Buntis po ako, father, pero wala siyang alam na siya ang ama. Nagsinungaling ako sa kanya, sabi ko nakipag-one nightstand ako.”

It took him awhile to speak again. I could see from the mesh screen that was seperating us that he was shocked and was struggling to think of something to say. “Anak, bakit mo naman ginawa iyon?”

“Natatakot po kasi akong tumanda mag-isa. Gusto ko lang naman maging masaya.”

“Masaya ka ba ngayon?”

I answered him with a louder sob. Masaya ako sa blessing na ibinigay sa akin pero hindi ako masaya sa mga nangyayari ngayon.

“Wala akong nakilalang tao na hindi ginustong maging masaya. Akala mo kapag nakuha mo na ang isang bagay, kapag nagawa mo ’to, kapag narating mo ’yan… magiging masaya ka na. This is the compulsiveness that keeps us going but it’s also the way to spiritual exhaustion. Katulad ng ibang mga emosyon, katulad ng lungkot, takot, galit, panandalian lang yan. Happiness is not a destination. Minsan sa kagustuhan natin na maging masaya, we do the wrong things.”

“Hindi ko na naman po maibabalik ang ginawa ko and I don’t think I want to, I want this child badly. Am I bad person, father?”

“Hindi, anak. Tao ka lang.”

Seth’s POV

Even when the alcohol started getting to my head and blured all my thoughts together, her face was still as clear as the day. No matter how much I drown myself in alcohol, memories of her stayed afloat. I was starting to feel something for her and then I found out she was pregnant. I hadn’t fully taken in what I was feeling for her tapos malalaman kong buntis siya sa ibang lalaki.

I felt like lead on and just absolutely stupid. All those kisses, does it even mean something to her? Ginawa niya din ba iyon sa lalaking naka-one night stand niya? I had placed her on a pedestal, seperating her from the other girls I’d been with. I thought Marian was different but I was wrong…

“Tama na ’yan.” Wayne took the glass of whiskey I had in my hand. It was guy’s night out tonight and we were at Wayne’s lounge bar. The guys were sitting on a table, talking about their families and their children, basically something I couldn’t relate to.

“What the fuck.” I scowled.

“You’re drunk.” He said.

“What gave you that idea.” I smirked.

“Look at you, you can’t even keep you head balanced.” He said, shaking his head.

“One more… I just need one more drink.” I said, leaning forward so I could reach my glass. Lalo niyang inilayo sa akin iyon. I tried to reach it but I was knocked off balance and landed on the floor with a loud thud.

“FUCK YOU!” I shouted in anger as I felt pain shooting throughout my body.

“Is he alright?” Narinig kong tanong ni Tristan.

“What the fuck happened?” Axel asked.

“He’s drunk.” Wayne answered, nonchalantly.

Lumapit sila sa akin and when I looked up, I saw the four assholes standing around me just looking at me. I winced in pain as I struggle to get up. Phoenix took my arm and brutally pulled me up. Napamura ako sa sakit. My whole body was sore from the fall.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Phoenix asked with arms folded to his chest.

“Kanina ka pa parang wala sa sarili mo.” Tristan butted in.

“I’m alright.” I said, waving my hads at them. “I just need a drink.”

Limping, I went back to the bar and sat on the stool. I reached for my whiskey and downed it empty.

“What’s going on?” Tristan gave me a pat on the back before sitting next to me. “Having a rough day.”

“Marian’s pregnant.” It came out of my mouth like vomit.

“Holy shit! Our Seth here is going to be a daddy!” Axel announced with a huge, annoying smile on his face.

“Kaya pala parang problemado ka.” Sabi ni Wayne.

“So what’s your plan?” Phoenix asked.

“Pinaalis ko na si Marian.” I said, hailing the bartender with my hand and ordering another shot.

“What?” Phoenix’s brows furrowed. “Why did you do that? Ano’ng plano mo sa bata? Gago ka wala kang balak panagutan?”

“It’s not mine.” Marahas na anas ko bago tingungga ang isang baso ng alak.

“Kanino?” Tristan asked.

“I don’t fucking know!” Anger spread throughout my body. Humigpit ang hawak ko sa baso. I knew if I put more pressure on it, it would break.

“Kaya pala nagkakaganyan ka.” Naiiling na sabi ni Tristan. “If only you’d just been honest with your feelings for her.”

“What are you talking about? Ano’ng nagkakaganyan? I’m having fun here.” I said.

“And getting drunk is your idea of fun?” Wayne smirked.

“Oh shut up, you fuckers. Ano kayo mga magulang ko?” I snorted.

Nagpalitan sila ng tingin at napailing. I didn’t care. At that moment, what they think didn’t matter to me. I just wanted to numb my feelings.

“Nongnong.” A little kid’s voice woke me up. A finger pulled my eye open and saw a blurred vision of a tiny face before my heavy lid closed again.

“Yvo, what are you doing there?” I heard a familiar voice of a woman. I forced my eyes open and groaned when I felt like my head it was being squeezed or something.

“We’ve already had our breakfast and our lunch and soon it’ll almost be dinner. Why is nongnong still asleep?” He had his head turned away from me as he spoke to his mother, Andi, Tristan’s wife.

“He just needs alot of sleep. Mamaya gigising din yan.” Lumapit si Andi sa anak at kinuha ang kamay nito.

“Is he okay, nanay?” He asked in a concerned tone. Andi picked him up and carried him.

I let out another groan as I sat up. Napatingin ang mag-ina sa akin.

“See, gising na siya. Your ninong Seth is okay, right, Seth?” Andi asked, looking at me.

“Yeah, whatever.” I answered apathetically, massaging my temple. “What happened?”

“You were passed out drunk last night kaya inuwi ka na ni Tristan dito.” She answered. “Gusto mo bang paakytan kita ng painkiller?”

“You must have drunk alot of soda. Sabi ni tatay it’s not good to have alot of it, it’ll make your tummy hurt.”

“Right. Kaya ikaw huwag kang masyadong uminom ng soda if you don’t want to end up like me.” I said, forcing a smile before turning my attention to Andi. “Yes, please, a painkiller will help.”

Tumango sa akin si Andi. “Sige, paakyatan na lang kita. Magpahinga ka muna d’yan. Do you want something to eat?”

“No, thanks. I just need some painkiller.” I answered.

Lumabas si Andi na karga-karga ang anak niya at isinara ang pinto. My body limped against the headboard and let out a sigh. I thought of Marian and the baby. She was carrying another man’s child inside her. And there was nothing I could do to change that. I tightly closed my eyes forcing my mind to forget the day I found out about it, erase her from my mind, forget I ever met her. But it doesn’t work that way. The scenes just kept replaying in my head, it was enough to make any man lose his sanity.

“You okay?” Tristan popped his head through the door.

I gave him a thumbs up. He walked into the room and sat on the edge of the bed, holding a glass of water and some painkiller pills. Inabot niya iyon sa akin.

“Thanks.” I said before taking two pills and washing it down with a glass of water.

“Are you sure it’s not your kid?” He asked all of a sudden.

My eyes shot up at him with a sharp glare. “I already told you guys, i’m positively sure it’s not mine. Marian and I had never fucked!”

“Keep your voice down. My son might here you.” He frowned. “Di mo naman pala anak. Bakit parang namomroblema ka?”

“Ano bang pinagsasabi mo? Sino bang namomroblema?”

“We know you party alot and you drink alot but never to the point of passing out. We’ve been friends since we were in college. Hindi mo kami maloloko. You have feelings for Marian!”

“Enough with that talk. My head’s already hurting enough. Thank you very much.” I sarcastically said.

“You don’t like hearing the truth, do you?” He smirked, shaking his head.

“I’m going home.” I said getting on my feet.

“Nasa parking lot ng bar ni Wayne ang kotse mo.” Sabi niya.

“I’ll borrow yours.”

“Feel free.” He said.

Lumabas ako ng bahay at hiniram ko ang isa sa mga kotse ni Tristan. I was driving home with a pounding head and a heavy heart when I passed by a church, the church Marian and I go to every Sunday. Nagdadalawang-isip na huminto ako sa harap ng simbahan. It was if my body had a mind of its own and it brought me into the church.

I wasn’t brought up with a strong religious upbringing. I could count in one hand how many times my parents took me to church. When I had my first holy communion and at my parents’ godchild’s wedding. I do believe my parents believe in God but they just didn’t have strong religious belief, you could say that they were more likely to go with science than faith. Me, well I just go with the flow. But that changed since Marian. Without her now, I just feel, i don’t know… lost?

Nakita kong bukas ang ilaw sa ibabaw ng confessional booth. I found myself going inside the booth and sat there.

“Do you believe in God, father?” I asked.

I heard him cough if trying to dislodge something in his throat. “Wala ako dito kung hindi ako naniniwala sa Diyos.”

“I don’t know what to believe in anymore. I want to tell you something, I met a girl and she made me believe in God. She sparked my faith in an all knowing, all loving, all powerful redeemer.” I chuckled, shaking my head. “And now she’s gone… Pinaalis ko siya.”

“At bakit mo naman ginawa iyon?”

“Because she’s pregnant from a one night stand. She doesn’t even know who the goddamn father is. I thought… what we had was special. Akala ko pareho kami ng nararamdaman. Nothing makes sense on this goddamn planet anymore.”

“Nang malaman mong buntis siya, nagbago ba ang damdamin mo para sa kanya?”

I paused. Kinapa ko ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya. And nothing, absolutely nothing had changed I feel about her. Yes, I was mad but I still… loved her. Hell, yeah! Why deny it now?

I love her…

“Anak, minsan may mga bagay na alam na ng puso natin pero hindi pa kayang tanggapin ng isip. Siguro nga tama ang sinasabi nila na mas matalino ang isip pero, hijo, mas malakas ang puso. The mind is weak and is always ready for the ‘but what if’ scenarios, it wants something it can easily predict because it fears what it doesn’t understand. I know you want to question everything but it pays to have a little faith. He has a reason for allowing things to happen.”

“What am I going to do, Father?”

“Do you love her?”

“I…” I sighed, defeatedly. “I don’t remember falling in love with her, father. I just remember holding her hand and realizing how much it will hurt when I let her go.”

“Sa tingin ko, nasagot mo na ang tanong mo.” I could sense the smile in his voice.

Chapter Twenty Six

Seth’s POV

I slowed my car down as it passed by Marian’s house. I’d been doing this for the past few day, just passing by her street before I go to work and after I go home. It was night and her house was lit up with lights. I saw her through the kitchen window, moving around the clean, bright space, opening her fridge and getting a carton of juice. Her long thick hair was tied in a ponytail and she was wearing a blue loose pajama dress.

She turned her head to the window as she held the carton of juice in her hand and without a beat, I floored the gas, speeding up my car. My heart was pounding out of my chest. Fuck, did she see me? She didn’t see me, did she? Madilim naman ang kalsada sa labas ng bahay nila. And my car windows were all tinted.

It would be weird if she did. I wasn’t stalking her or anything like that. I just wanted to make sure she was okay. Mag-isa lang siya sa bahay, babae siya, at buntis pa siya ngayon. Hindi naman ako makalapit sa kanya dahil hindi ko naman alam ang sasabihin ko kung gagawin ko iyon. So I just check on her from afar, everyday.

I couldn’t just come knocking on her door and tell her how I feel for her. And everything doesn’t make sense to me, my feelings and this whole situation, I was still confused and in shock. Kailangan ko pa ng panahon para mag-isip. Right now, the best I could do was to make sure she was okay. And the baby too.

Marian’s POV

Ibinaba ko ang orange juice sa ibabaw ng mesa pagkatapos kong tunggain iyon. Bukas na ang appointment ko sa gynecologist na ni-refer sa akin ni Betsy. Hindi ko pa nasasabi sa kanila na buntis ako, gusto ko munang masiguro bago ko sabihin sa kahit kanino. Sabi ko lang sa kanila gusto ko magpacheck up. Sa ngayon, ako pa lang at si Seth ang nakakaalam, at si father.

Hanggang ngayon hindi pa din ako makapaniwala sa mga nangyayari. Ang weird. Buntis ako… ang weird pakinggan kahit sa isip ko lang. Paano pa kaya pagsinabi ko sa mga kaibigan ko. I couldn’t believe a human being was growing inside me, in my womb right at this moment. It was weird and amazing.

Ano kaya ang magiging itsura niya? Kamukha ko kaya siya o mas kamukha ni Seth? The thought of his name brought a heavy feeling to my chest. Darating kaya ang panahon na makikita niya din ang anak namin? Na malalaman niya? O tapos na talaga? We will never see each other again. Maybe someday he’d get married, maybe to a model or a celebrity o isang alta din na katulad niya, then they’d have children and he’d forever be oblivious to our child’s existence. And we’ll all live happily ever after seperately.

Tears welled up my eyes. Pinunasan ko ang gilid ng mata ko bago pa tumulo luha ko. I had been really emotional lately. Pitikin nga lang ako pakiramdam ko iiyak na ako. Must be hormones.

I looked up at the wall clock hanging on top of the kitchen arch. It was already late. Tumayo lang naman ako sa kama kanina para kumuha ng maiinom. I took the carton of orange juice in my room and watched my favorite tv show before falling asleep.

I woke up early, excited for my appointment with the doctor. Sa tanang ng buhay ko, ngayon lang ako na excite na pumunta sa ospital. Kahit alam kong buntis na ako, I’d taken three more pregnancy test and they all came up positive, iba pa rin kapag sa doktor mo maririnig iyon. Kasi sa totoo lang, hindi pa rin talaga ako makapaniwala na nagwork ang kabaliwan ko. I had to be really, really sure.

My heart was skipping as I walked to the doctor’s office. Sinalubong ako ng secretary niya at may mga papel na pina-fill up. Umupo muna ako sa waiting room kung saan dalawang babae din ang nakaupo. One was very pregnant, parang kahit anong oras mangangak na siya at ang isa naman ay may maliit na baby bump. I looked down at my belly, it was still flat, flat as a table top.

“Marian Faith Perez.” Tawag ng secretary ng doctor. Tumayo ako mula sa kinauupuan ko. “Pwede na daw kayong pumasok.”

I gave her a smile before walking into another door. An old petite woman wearing white pants and white coat greeted me. Her face was soft and friendly.

“Mrs. Perez.” Ngumiti siya.

“Miss lang po.” I corrected.

“Ah, my apologies.” She let out an embarrassed chuckle.

Pinaupo niya ako sa single armchair na nakaharap sa desk niya at tinanong niya ako kung ano ang pinunta ko doon. Sabi ko gusto kong i-confirm kung buntis ba talaga ako. I told her I’ve done 4 pregnancy tests and all of them came out positive. I told her I still haven’t had my period at never akong na late, ngayon lang nangyari sa akin ito. I was supposed to have my period two weeks ago. I told her my breasts felt sore and tender for the past few days now and I’d been having morning sickness.

Pinahiga niya ako sa isang kama na may machine at maliit na tv sa tabi nito. She was going to give me an ultrasound. Ipinataas niya sa akin ang suot kong shirt hanggang sa ilalim ng dibdib ko. Pinahiran niya ng gel ang tiyan ko, I had to stop myself from twitching as the cold gel shocked me. I couldn’t feel anything but excitement as she pressed the device on stomach. Hinarap niya sa akin ang maliit na tv para makita ko iyon.

There was nothing but black and white fuzziness. Ginalawgalaw niya pa ang ultrasound device sa ibabaw ng tiyan ko at may nahagip ito na isang maliit na itim na oblong.

“That’s your baby.” Nakangiting sabi sa akin ni Dra. Ramirez.

My frows burrowed as I tilted my head. “That oblong thing?”

“That’s the sac. Masyadon pang maliit ang fetus para makita.” She explained. She clicked on the mouse with her free hand and typed in something as she moved the device over my stomach. “You are a little more than four weeks pregnant now. Congratulations.”

Yan na naman ang luha ko. Nararamdaman ko na naman ang pag-init ng sulok ng mga mata ko. This time it was tears of joy. Buntis nga talaga ako. There’s my baby over there. I had to bite my bottom lip to keep my sob from coming out of my mouth.

Baby, aalagaan kita. Mamahalin kita ng higit pa sa kahit ano dito sa mundo, higit pa sa sarili ko.

Kahit nga hindi ko pa naipapanganak itong batang ’to, alam ko na mahal ko na siya. I wanted this baby more than anything. Bubusugin ko siya sa sobra-sobrang pagmamahal na hindi niya na kailangan kwestiyunin kung bakit wala siyang ama. I would be enough for him or her as muchas he or she would be enough for me.

Pagkatapos ng ultrasound, ibinigay sa akin ng doktor ang sonogram picture. I held the brown envelop in my chest as I walked out of the doctor’s office. I was over the moon. No words could ever descibe how happy I was. Magiging mommy na ako.

Para akong wala sa sarili habang naglalakad ako sa hallway ng ospital. All I could think about was the baby in my womb. I just couldn’t believe it. This baby was a miracle, not just because all babies are miracles, this was conceived in a very peculiar way. I felt like God’s hand gave it to me.

I bumped on a hard thing, it brought me back to my senses but almost threw me to the floor. Naramdaman ko na lang na may pumulupot sa baywang ko bago ako mahulog sa sahig. Nabitawan ko ang hawak kong envelope.

“Shit! Are you okay?” Narinig kong sabi ng isang malalim at sobrang pamilyar na boses. My head shot up. My eyes met his. In the light, his olive tinted eyes were gorgeous, it sucked everything around me and they were all I could see. Sa lahat ng taong pwede kong makabunggo, bakit siya pa?

“Seth…” Mahinang sabi ko.

“Yeah?”

I woke up from the trance, shaking head. Marahan ko siyang itinulak at dahan-dahan niya akong binitawan. I straightened myself up and he bent down to pick up the envelope. Nagkalat din sa sahig ang mga papel na nasa loob nito. He picked it up and shoved them back inside the brown envelope. He paused when he saw the ultrasound picture and held it in his hand.

“Ito ba ang baby mo?” He said, standing up. Hindi pa rin niya tinatanggal ang titig sa picture.

“Akin na yan.” I posessively snatched the picture from his hand. Inabot na din niya sa akin ang brown envelope. “Ano’ng ginagawa mo dito?”

“Nagpacheck up.” He answered.

“Ng ano?”

“I, uh… sprained my ankle.” He said. “Kamusta ka na? Kamusta na ang baby? Ano’ng sabi ng doktor?”

“Okay naman ako. Okay naman din ang baby, sabi ng doktor mukhang normal naman daw ang developement.” I said as I tried to keep the smile on my face. “Ikaw kamusta ka na?”

“Ganun pa rin.” He shrugged.

“Sige, kailangan ko ng umalis.” Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kanya. My eyes fell to my feet. I’ve missed him but I won’t admit that to him. Gusto kong ipakita sa kanya ang ultrasound pictures, gusto kong magkwento sa kanya, gusto kong sabihin lahat ng sinabi ng doktor, I wanted to tell him how happy I was but I couldn’t. No, I couldn’t do that. Mahirap kapag ang taong gusto mong sabihan ng lahat ay siya rin taong pinagtataguan mo ng sikreto.

Naglakad na ako. Every step away from him felt heavy. I struggled to keep my composure. Nakakailang hakbang pa lang ako ng marinig ko siyang magsalita.

“Marian.” He called, making me stop mid-step. “Do you want to have lunch with me?”

Chapter Twenty Seven

Marian’s POV

Why did I say yes? Why did I agree to have lunch with him when I could’ve said no and walk away? I was touching an open wound. Ako din ang masasaktan sa ginagawa kong ’to. I needed to forget him, to stop missing him… tapos ito siya ngayon, nasa harap ko. I didn’t want to go back to square one after this.

“Marian…” He said.

I stopped playing with my spaghetti and was forced to look up at him. He was sitting on the opposite side of the table and I didn’t think he even touched his food.

“Are you okay?” He asked in a concerned tone.

I forced a smile and nodded my head. I couldn’t get any words out of my mouth. I could feel the awkwardness in the air, him and I, trying to search for the right words to say. I bowed my head down and focused on my food.

“Kamusta naman ang pagbubuntis mo? Nahihirapan ka ba?” Tanong niya ulit pagkaraan ang ilang minuto.

“Hindi naman. Bukod sa morning sickness, wala naman akong problema sa pagbubuntis.” I answered.

“Have you talked to the doctor about it?” There was a hint of worry in his voice.

“Oo, sabi niya naman normal lang daw iyon, usually sa pagkatapos ng first trimester mawawala din iyon.”

Tumango-tango siya. Something in his eyes shifted before he spoke again. “And what about the father? Alam mo na ba kung sino? Sinabi mo na ba sa kanya?”

“Alam ko kung sino ang ama ng pinagbubuntis ko.” I said with a sigh. He’s right in front of me. “Pero wala akong planong ipaalam sa kanya. He doesn’t need to know. I just wanted a baby. I don’t need him in my life or my baby’s.”

His brows furrowed but then his expression changed again, namilog ang mga mata niya. “You intentionally got yourself pregnant?”

“I… um, it was… I didn’t think I would work…” I said, stuttering.

“You didn’t think it would work?!” He let out a sarcastic laugh. “How could you be so careless and stupid?!”

Sumimangot ako. I took in a deep breath to calm my raging insides. “Kung inaya mo lang akong lumabas para insultuhin, aalis na lang ako. Hindi ko pinagsisisihan ang ginawa ko. I never, ever regretted having this baby. Kung mababalik ko ang oras, I would do it again in a heartbeat.”

Hindi pa napapanganak ang anak ko, hindi ko pa siya nahahawakan at nakikita minahal ko na siya. And for him, my baby’s own father, to talk about my child like it was a mistake was heartbreaking.

I stood up, ready to leave when he held my hand before I could walk away. I looked at him with eyes narrowed in anger.

“I’m sorry.” Mahinang sabi niya. He squuezed my hand. “I didn’t mean to make you feel insulted or anything. I care about you, Marian, more than you know.”

I could see the sincerity in his eyes as he looked at me. I sat back down again and my face softened. I suddenly felt butterflies in my stomach when he said those words. It was nice to know that he cares about me.

“You’re my friend. And I just want to make sure that you’re okay.” Sabi niya. Of course, I was just his friend. “If you’re happy with having that baby then I am happy for you too.”

“Thank you.” I forced a smile.

“Nandyan na ang bata, wala na tayong magagawa. I just wish you didn’t do something as impulsive as that.” He sighed as if defeated. “You could’ve waited. You could’ve given your baby a complete family with a father in it.”

“I don’t think that would ever happen. I’m just not lucky with men. I’ve been alone for so long, pagod na akong mag-isa.”

“You’re not alone. I told you, you have me.”

I could feel my eyes burning. Ugh! Hormones, they were absolutely horrible. I cry at the littlest things these days. It couldn’t be helped. “Iba naman yun. I want someone who’d permanently be in my life.”

“Hey, I’ll aways be here for you. We’re friends, remember?” He said. Yeah, he’d just always be my friend. Not the father of my baby. Just my friend. Friend na nahalikan ko, friend na nakatabi ko matulog, friend na kashare ko sa DNA ng baby ko.

“Iba naman yun. At saka di ba, pinaalis mo ako sa condo mo. May pa nice knowing you ka pang nalalaman.” I said, my face crumpling as a new wave of emotion hit me.

“I’m sorry, okay?” He sounded genuinely apologetic, guilty even. “I was in shock. I needed time to think.”

“Think about what?” I asked.

Sandali siyang nahinto. He looked like a deer caught in a headlight. But after a few moments, he regained his composure. “I just… I don’t know. I was confused. I thought… what we had… I don’t know. I really don’t know.” Sumandal siya sa kinauupuan niya na para bang naubusan siya ng lakas.

I didn’t understand what he said or what he was trying to say. Pero nakaramdam ako ng panghihinayang.

Virgin lang ako, hindi ako tanga. Alam ko na hindi normal sa magkaibigan ang mga ginagawa namin noon. When we kissed, I knew he was starting to see me as a real woman, not just his friend. Was there really a possibility that our friendship could’ve blossomed into… something more? O gusto niya lang ako mapabilang sa mga babae niya?

“But I want I do want you to know is that I’m still your friend. I’ll always have your back no matter what. And I care about the baby as much as I care about you.” He said.

Seth’s POV

She was carrying another man’s child. And there was nothing I could do to change that. Nothing. But a sigh of relief stirred my nerves as I watch her eating in front of me. The fact that she was here with me brought peace to my messed up head. Looking at the silver lining, the father of her unborn child wasn’t in her life.

She looked up at me and her brows crumpled together. “Bakit?”

I gave her a slight smile before shaking my head, “Nothing.”

“Nothing? Eh hindi mo nga ginagalaw yang pagkain mo.” She said.

“How far along are you?” I asked. I had this annoyingly overwhelming curiosity about the baby she was carrying. That was one of the reasons why I decided to accidentally bump into her. Gusto kong malaman kung ano na ang kalagayan niya at ng batang dinadala niya.

“Sabi ng doktor, more than four weeks na daw siya.”

“Is it a boy or a girl?”

She laughed. “Ano ka ba? Kaka-one month lang nitong fetus. The baby’s not fully formed yet.”

“Well, what do you want it to be?” I asked.

“Healthy.” She said. “Mabait na bata, masunurin… sana hindi magmana sa ama niya.”

“I know you’ll raise that child well. Your child will be nothing like his or her good-for-nothing father.” I said.

“Yeah, I hope so.” She chuckled.

“If it’s a boy, I’ll teach him everything I know.”

She gave me a faint smile. “You don’t need to do that. Kaya kong palakihin mag-isa ang anak ko.”

“I know you’re capable of raising your child on your own but he’ll still need someone to look up to, like a male figure in his life.” Like a father figure. But was I ready for that kind of responsibility? To be someone else’s child’s father figure?

“Eh paano naman nalaman na ‘he’ ’to? Paano pag babae?” Her brow arched up.

“Then she’d need someone who’d protect her.”

“At iniisip mo na hindi ko kayang protektahan ang sarili kong anak?”

“You know that’s not what I meant. Kailangan niya lang ng haharang sa mga manliligaw. Someone who could intimidate her suitors. I’m a man, alam ko ang likaw ng bituka ng ibang mga lalaki. I know who she’d need to stay away from.”

“From guys like you?”

I sighed and had to nod my head. I admit I wasn’t the best guy out there but I make it up by being hot. “Yeah, guys like me.”

She let out a laugh. “O edi inamin mo din na gago ka.”

“I won’t deny it.” I smiled, shaking my head.

Our lunch ended well and I offered her a ride home. We were back to being friends, I guess. I didn’t know if it was a good thing or a bad thing. At least, for now, it was a good thing. I missed her so much. Having to watch her from afar had been sheer torture. Me bumping into her was no accident. Sinundan ko siya dito. I’d been frequently camping out of her house. I knew what I was doing wasn’t healthy anymore, or normal. As much as I hate to admit it, I was stalking her but— all for the right reason. I felt like it was my duty to protect her because she was in such fragile state, she was pregnant and alone. And in the end, when it all came down to the truth, I loved her.

But I couldn’t tell her that, not just yet. I was still confused about how I felt about her and the situation we were in let alone how she was going to react. Hindi ko alam kung handa ba akong pasukin ang ganong klaseng sitwasyon. Hindi na ito tungkol sa amin dalawa. There was another life involved. How can something so small change everything?

---

Author’s note:

Hi guys, sorry for making you wait this long. Inupdate ko lang kasi yung Blue Book kasi na miss ko na si Wayne and real life has taken over recently. So this may or may not be the last update for this month. Sobrang dami kong kailangan gawin ngayon and I want to spend the holidays with my family. Babawi na lang ako sa inyo next year. Sorry guys.

Also, I added a cute picture of Seth with this chapter as a sign of my sincere apology. :P

Chapter Twenty Eight

Merry Christmas! :)

Marian’s POV

Was it a good idea to let Seth into my life again? I didn’t want him to get involved with my child’s life. Ayaw kong balang-araw na malaman niya na anak niya itong dinadala ko. It wasn’t that I was being selfish, it was actually the opposite. Seth loves his freedom and he hates responsibility. Kung sabihin ko nga sa kanya ang totoong mangyari at maniwala siya sa akin, ayaw ko naman itali siya sa responsibilidad na hindi naman niya ginusto. Ang laki na nga ng kasalanan ko sa kanya ng nakawin ko ang semilya niya tapos dadagdagan ko pa.

Seth visits the flowershop regularly. We’d gone out a couple of times over the past few weeks. Inaaya niya akong lumabas para kumain sa labas. We hang out like we used to before. Parang wala pa rin nagbago sa aming dalawa.

May appointment ako sa doktor ngayon at nag-insist si Seth na maghatid sa akin sa ospital. I told him he didn’t have to pero mapilit siya.

Just as I was done putting my clothes on, I heard a car stopping in front of my house. Sumilip ako sa binatana at nakita ang isa sa mga paboritong kotse ni Seth, his blue Bugatti car. I saw him get out of his car and walked to my front door. Nagmamadaling inayos ko ang buhok ko at narinig ko ang tunog ng doorbell. I got out of my room and opened the front door.

“Ready?” He asked with a smile.

“Wait lang, kukunin ko lang bag ko.” I said and went back to my room to get my bag. Sumakay kami sa kotse papunta sa ospital. Like the last time I went here, we had to wait for the doctor to call as in. She was still seeing a patient inside. Umupo muna kami ni Seth sa waiting area.

“You’re baby bump is starting to show.” Seth said his eyes stopping on my belly. Nagbaba ako ng tingin. I never noticed it but my stomach wasn’t as flat as the last time I was here. Medyo malaki na nga siya pero hindi pa naman ganun kalaki para mahalatang buntis na ako. You could easily mistake it for bloatedness.

“It is?” Napangiti ako at napahawak sa tiyan ko.

“Yeah.” He smiled. “Do you feel it, the baby inside you?” He asked with genuine curiosity.

“Hindi.” I shook my head. “I’ve never actually felt anything.”

“How many weeks is it now?”

Nagkibit-balikat ako. “I don’t know. Eight weeks na yata.”

“I read in the internet that an eight week old fetus is about the size of a jelly bean. Nagsisimula ng magfunction ang organs, muscles at nerves niya at nagfoform na ang taste buds niya. That means the baby can taste everything you’re eating. Cool, huh?”

Napangiti ako. “Mas madami ka pa palang alam sa akin. Have you been researching?”

His expression shifted into an uncomfortable one. He brought his hand to the back of his neck and kind of massaged it. “No, I just happened to stumble on an article about it.” He said, in a slightly defensive tone.

“Oh okay.” I said, nodding my head.

“Marian Perez.” Tawag ng secretary na nakaupo sa desk sa harap namin. “Pwede na kayong pumasok sabi ni doktora.”

I stood up from my seat and Seth followed behind. We walked into the doctor’s office. Nakaupo si doktora sa desk niya at parang may isinusulat ng pumasok kami. She lifted her eyes up to us and smiled. “Hi, Ms. Perez. How are you? Please, take a seat.”

Umupo ako sa armchair na nasa harap ng desk niya at umupo naman si Seth sa tabi ko. The doctor gazed at Seth. “And you must be the baby’s father.”

“N—” I was about to say no but he cut me off.

“Nice to meet you, doc.” He said with a charming smile.

“Ang swerte ng magiging anak niyo. Magandang mommy at poging daddy.” The old lady playfully said.

Hindi tumutol si Seth sa sinabi ng doctor. He just smiled at her a little wider. The doctor started to check my vital signs like she did before, pagkatapos nun ay ang abdominal examination. Everything was normal, she said. Then we moved on to the ultrasound room. Pinahiga niya ako sa kama at pinahiran ng gel ang tiyan ko.

She started rubbing the ultrasound device onto my belly and Seth had his eyes fixed on the monitor. It looked different from the last time I had my ultrasound. Now it was starting to take on a form of a tiny baby curled up. I could see the head and the tiny limbs.

“Is that the baby?” Seth eagerly asked.

“Yes, it’s the baby.” Sagot ng doktor. Habang ginagalaw niya ang ultrasound device ay abala naman ang isang kamay niya sa pagkuha ng measurement ng fetus. “Base sa size ng fetus, you are eight weeks and three days pregnant today.”

“This is just unbelievable.” Nanlaki ang mga mata ni Seth. “Look, it’s moving!” Suddenly, he looked like an excited little boy.

I couldn’t help but giggle when I saw it move and my eyes started to water. Nakakaiyak na nakakatuwa. The baby was wiggling his tiny body.

“Yes, at seven to eight weeks, the fetus starts general movements.” The doctor said. “An active baby is a healthy baby.”

“It’s beautiful.” He sighed.

“Every miracle is beautiful.” Sabi ni doktora. She pulled out another machine and we heard faint sound coming from it, it sounded like a galloping horse. Our doctor told us that it was my baby’s heartbeat. I just heard my baby’s heartbeat for the first time and I couldn’t hold my tears back anymore. Nang marinig ko ang tibok ng puso niya, doon nagsink in sa akin na totoo na ’to. I was going to be a mother.

And Seth was there to hold my hand as I cry. He gently stroked my hand with his thumb as he held it in his and he comforted me.

Seth’s POV

Something tugged my heart when I saw the baby in the monitor. I’d never seen anything like that before. Ngayon ko lang narananasan makakita ng fetus sa loob ng sinapupunan. It suddenly made me reevaluate my life and what I wanted in my future. It made me think of a family, of me starting a family with a wife and a children, with Marian and the baby.

Shit! Gusto kong iumpog ang ulo ko to get that thought out of my head. No, I couldn’t have a family. I was at the prime of my life, I should be enjoying it. I wasn’t ready to settle down. There were so much I wanted to do. I felt like having a family would go against my lifestyle.

“Luto na ang adobo.” Marian peeked her head out of the kitchen. “Tara na! Kain na tayo.”

When I saw her again and I heard her voice, I had a change of heart. I imagined a picture of a happy family. My kids greeting me when I get home from work, a wife cooking for me, family dinner, children laughing. Suddenly, I thought it wasn’t as mundane as I used to think.

“Ano? Hindi ka pa ba nagugutom? Kakain na ako!” She lifted her brows up before going back in.

No, I didn’t want to be tied down to a family. I wasn’t going to let a woman run me, like my friends and my father. I tightly closed my eyes and slumped myself against the couch. I massaged my temples. I felt like my brain was at war with itself.

“Seth!” I heard Marian call me from the kitchen. “Ano ba? Masamang pinaghihintay ang pagkain.”

“Coming.” I lazily answered.

I went into the kitchen and saw her already sitting on the dining table. I sat on the chair across from hers. I got myself some rice and chicken adobo. She insisted we say grace first before we ate.

As we were eating, I noticed an orange thing in a bowl next to her plate. She was dipping the chicken in it before she eats it.

“Ano yan?” I curiosly asked.

“Ketchup and mayonnaise.” She answered.

“You’re dipping the chicken adobo in ketchup and mayo?” I grimaced.

“Oo, ang sarap. You should try it.” Sabi niya.

“That’s just… weird.” I said.

“I know. Weird pero masarap. I’d been eating nothing but this for the past few days.” She said. “Try it.”

“No! I think I’ll pass.”

“Come on, please… Tikman mo lang.” Pilit niya. She got some chicken meat and dipped it into her special dip before shoving it right at my face.

“No…” I shook my head.

“Please?” She pouted.

I sighed and opened my mouth. And my God was it disgusting. I forced it down my throat. “What the hell, Marian?”

“You don’t like it?” Tanong niya.

“NO!” I said before reaching for a glass of water and gulping it down to wash away the weird taste in my mouth.

“Ikaw, ang OA mo. Ang sarap kaya.” She said, happily chewing her adobo chicken dipped in ketchup and mayo.

“Where did you even get that idea?” I asked.

“Hindi ko alam. Basta isang araw nagcrave na lang ako sa adobo with ketchup and mayonnaise. I think that’s what the baby wants.” Sabi niya.

“Your baby’s probably a stoner. He’s probably smoking in there and getting the munchies.” I snorted. And we both ended up laughing.

After dinner, I knew it was time to leave. I walked to the front door with a heavy heart. Hinatid niya ako hanggang sa may pinto. We quietly stood there for a moment. I didn’t want to leave but I knew I couldn’t stay.

“Goodnight.” She gave me a faint smile.

“Goodnight.” I said. My gaze dropped to her belly, my hand reached out to it and stroked it. “And goonight to you too, little champ.”

Lalong lumaki ang ngiti niya sa labi. “Thank you, Seth. Thank you for being here us.”

I couldn’t help it. I cupped her faced in my hands and looked at her. She was beautiful, even more beautiful than the first time I saw her. Her face was illuminated by the moonlight and her pregnancy made her skin glowed. And her lips, it would make anyone believe in God the moment they taste it. I know because I did.

She stared at me, waiting …

I wanted to kiss her in the lips, wanting to taste that god given lips, but I ended up kissing her on the forehead. And I walked away with regret, mad at myself for not gathering the nerve to actually do it.

Chapter Twenty Nine

Marian’s POV

Binuksan ko ang pinto ng dating kwarto ni mama na ngayon ay bodega na. There were alot of dust that it made me cough and sneeze. Alot of boxes, books, mga figurine at statue ng mga saints, mga gamit ng magulang ko and a lot of old things I didn’t find any use for.

Balak ko sanang gawin itong nursery room para sa magiging baby. It was going to take a lot of work. I needed to take these things out of here, I needed to repaint this room, buy baby furnitures. Syempre, hindi ko naman magagawa iyon sa isang araw lang. Uunti-untiin ko lang. Right now, I needed these stuff out.

I was only ten weeks pregnant and I knew I still have a long way to go but I couldn’t help it, I was an excited mommy-to-be. Tumitingin-tingin na nga ako sa mga baby boutique para sa damit at mga gamit ng baby ko.

I was thinking of donating these to charity. Hindi ko na naman kailangan ang mga ito. Masisira at maluluma lang dito, hindi pa napakinabangan. Ang mga gamit lang ng mga magulang ko ang iiwan ko. I’d just have to put them somewhere else. Tinitignan ko pa lang ang mga gamit sa loob ng kwarto na ’to, napapagod na ako.

Iniisip ko kung ano ang gagawin ko sa mga ito nang marinig kong tumunog ang doorbell. Naglakad ako papunta sa front door at sumilip sa bintana sa tabi nito. Seth was standing outside. I unlocked the door and opened it.

“Ano’ng ginagawa mo dito?” I asked.

“What? Am I not welcome here?” His brow shot up. “Sabi ni Flor hindi ka pumasok.”

He usually calls me when I’m working at the flowershop. Lalo na kapag hindi siya nakakapunta.

“I’m not feeling well.” I opened the door wider to let him in.

Kumunot ang noo niya habang naglalakad kami papasok. “Is something wrong? Are you sick? You should’ve called me.”

“Wala ’to, mabigat lang ang pakiradamdam. Kaya naman ni Flor mag-isa, wala naman masyadong customer ngayon.” I said.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Naniniguradong tanong niya.

“I swear, promise!” Tinaas ko pa ang isang kamay ko. “I feel better now. Nililinis ko nga ang bodega, gusto ko sanang gawin yun nursery para sa baby.”

“Need help?” He asked.

“Yeah, I guess I do. Marami kasing gamit sa bodega. Idodonate ko ang mga iyon sa charity.” Sabi ko.

“I’ll take care of it.” Sabi niya naman.

I lead him to my mother’s room. Tinulungan niya akong tanggalin at ayusin ang mga gamit sa kwarto. The room didn’t have any airconditioner or fan so it was hot in here. Habang naglilinis kami, he took off his shirt. I bit my bottom lip as I looked at him, beads of sweats trailing from his face and neck to his chest and stomach. I had seen him topless but this was the sexiest I had ever seen him. All sweaty and manly.

My lady boner was all fired up. Why did I pass up a chance na buuin itong bata sa tiyan ko sa natural na paraan?

They say God gives us only what we can handle, He probably thinks I’m a badass because this was too much to handle.

My eyes quickly averted away when he looked at me. I took in a deep breath and casually fanned myself with my hand. “Woo! Ang init dito!”

I walked next to the window and opened it a little wider. Hindi kaya ng konting hangin na galing sa labas. I needed to get out of here.

“Kukuha lang ako ng maiinom. Ano’ng gusto mo, juice, tubig?” Tanong ko. My eyes were fixed to the ground. Iniiwasan kong tignan siya at ang katawan niya.

“Anything cold will do.” He said.

Nagmamadali akong lumabas sa kwarto at pumunta sa kusina. I made a pitcher of cold orange juice. Hininahon ko muna ang sarili ko bago ako bumalik sa loob. If my mother’s ghost was in her room, she was probably reciting to me a verse.

Walk by the spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of a sinful nature.

Ano ka ba Marian? Huminahon ka, ha? Huwag kang malandi. I remember one of the articles I read online. It said there that pregnancy is the lustiest time of a woman’s life. That was so not me. That was just my pregnancy hormones. I pulled myself together before going back with a pitcher of orange juice and two glasses on a tray.

Hindi pa ako nakakapasok sa kwarto ng marinig ko ang tawa niya. I went in and saw him.

He was sitting in the corner of the room, holding a pink photo album, and laughing by himself. It was mine. I knew it was mine. Pink photo albums were mine. Like me, my mother kept everything organized. She had color codes for albums. Mine were pink, hers were red and my dad’s photo albums were blue.

“Bakit tumatawa ka?” Tanong ko.

“This photo of you…” He said in between laughter, pointing at it. Ibinaba ko ang tray sa lumang cabinet at lumapit sa kanya. Tinignan ko ang picture na sinasabi niya. It was my prom picture. I looked horrible. I had acnes on my face, heavy makeup, my hair was terrible, and so was my outfit. Puberty was not kind to me. “I didn’t know you were a drag queen.”

“Grabe ka ha!” Binatukan ko siya. “Akala mo kung sino kang gwapo! Patingin nga ng picture mo noong teenager ka. I bet it’s worse. Siguro kaya ka babaero kasi gumaganti ka sa lahat ng babaeng nagturn down sa’yo noong highschool ka!”

“I was never turned down, I turn them down.” He grinned, grabbing my hand and pulling me down to sit next to him on the floor. “I saw some cute baby pictures of you.” He flipped through the album’s pages and there were alot of baby and toddler pictures of me. He asked me what I was doing in the pictures or what it was about, at nagkwento ako.

“Tell me about this.” He stopped in one of the photos and pointed at a picture of my dad carrying me in one arm while he and mom were holding hands. The picture was one of my favorites dahil nandoon ang papa. We didn’t have a lot of picture with my dad in it.

“That’s my dad and my mother.” Sabi ko at tinuro ko silang dalawa. “Nasa zoo kami niyan, obviously. Wala akong matandaan sa picture na yan, bata pa kasi ako.”

“Magkwento ka tungkol sa kanila. What were they like?”

“Well, my mother, she’s a loving mother. Strikta minsan at mahilig mangsermon gamit ang bible verse, alam mo ba noong bata ako hanggang sa magdalaga ako, she used to slip bible verses inside my lunch box. Para daw hindi ako makalimot. I think she was a frustrated nun.” Humagikgik ako. “At ang papa naman, wala akong masyadong matandaan tungkol sa kanya. I was very little when he passed away, aksidenteng nahulog sa bangin ang sinasakyan niya habang nasa mission sila. Lumaki ako na kaming dalawa lang ni mama.”

“It must be hard, huh?” He asked. “I have both my mom and dad but sometimes I still wish I had a sibling.”

“Minsan mahirap. Syempre, naiinggit din ako sa mga kaibigan ko na buo ang pamilya at tsaka kapag nagtatalo kami ni mama, minsan hinihiling ko na sana buhay pa si papa para may natatakbuhan ako. Kaya nga sabi ko sa sarili ko noon, gusto kong magkaroon ng buong pamilya paglaki ko. Kaya siguro naghihintay ako na dumating ang lalaking para sa akin dahil doon. But he never came and I never got my complete family. Ganun pala talaga siguro, may mga bagay sa buhay mo na kahit ano’ng gusto mo, kahit ano’ng plano mo, hindi mangyayari.”

“That’s the problem with you. You plan everything out. Not everything works out the way we plan it too so why plan, right? Life is passing us day by day. Sa ayaw at sa gusto natin, tinatangay lang tayo ng alon ng buhay. We’re all just little specs of confused dust in this endless universe.”

“I didn’t know you were a deep person.” I giggled, shaking my head.

“It’s not deep, Marian, it’s the truth.”

“So does that mean you don’t think anything happens for a reason? You don’t think there’s some bigger picture or a grand plan that everything’s working towards.”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “That’s another problem with you. You want a deeper meaning to everything. Why don’t you try to be shallow for a change so you won’t drown? Kung may rason nga ang lahat ng nangyayari sa atin o wala, I’m just glad you happened to me.”

What he said made my heart flutter. It was the most beautiful thing I’d heard anyone say to me. I was glad and I thank God everyday that he happened to me too.

It was already late at night. Nasa kwarto pa din si Seth at nag-aayos ng mga gamit doon. Inilipat na namin ang mga gamit na idodonate ko sa garage. It had a lot of space in there because I didn’t have a car anymore. I’d kept my parents’ things and our photo albums. May ilan natirang gamit pa din sa loob ng kwarto, most of them were old furnitures. Iyon na lang ang inaayos ni Seth ngayon at malapit nang magmukhang kwarto ulit iyon.

He told me he could handle it by himself and that I should take a rest. He’d pause for a break once in a while, the longest breaks he had was when we had lunch and dinner, then he goes back to cleaning the cluttered room. Tumingin ako sa orasan, eleven na ng gabi.

“Seth.” Lumapit ako sa kwarto at sumandal sa may pintuan. “Magpahinga ka na. Magmamadaling-araw na.”

Lumingon siya sa akin at pinahid ang ilang butil ng pawis sa noo niya. “It’s almost done.”

“Konti na lang yan. Iwan mo na yan at magpahinga ka na. Uminom ka muna ng tubig.” I handed to him the glass I was holding. He took it and gulped the water down.

Lumabas siya ng kwarto at pagod na sumalampak sa couch. He looked really tired. Ikaw ba naman magbuhat ng mabibigat na bagay mula tanghali hanggang gabi? He hardly let me do any work and let me carry anything heavy. Nagagalit siya pag nagpupumilit ako. We’d only end up arguing.

“Seth, dito ka na kaya matulog. Mukhang pagod na pagod ka na.” I said. His head snapped at me. His reaction was kind of weird. Hindi ko alam kung may nasabi ba akong mali o ano? “I mean, kung gusto mo lang naman.” I bit my bottom lip. Oh my god! Did I sound like I wanted to get laid? Did I sound desperate?

“Yeah, sure.” He answered almost immediately. “I think I’m going to take a shower. I really need one right now.”

Tumango ako. “Sige.”

He went to my room and used the shower there. Pumasok na din ako sa loob ng kwarto at humiga sa kama. I just laid there, hearing the bathroom in the shower running. Hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko na imagine kung ano ang itsura niya habang naliligo. Narinig kong pinatay niya na ang shower. Napabalikwas ako at tumagilid. I pretended to be asleep. Maya-maya ay narinig ko na ang pagbukas ng pinto, ang yabag ng mga paa niya. I felt him sliding inside the blanket behind me.

He scooted closer to me until I could feel his chest against my back. I was surprised at what he did next. He wrapped and arm around me and rested his hand on my stomach. I drifted to sleep with a smile on my lips.

Chapter Thirty

Seth’s POV

“Marian?” Still dazed from sleep, I got out of the bedroom when I realized that I was alone. The smell of food invaded my nostrils when I opened the door. It instantly woke me up. I followed the smell, walking to the kitchen to find Marian in front of the stove cooking. Her baby bump was obvious in that skin tight camisole top she was wearing and damn, her breasts were bigger than it used to be.

“Hey.” I forced my eyes up to her face. “Morning.”

“Good morning.” She smiled. “Gutom ka na ba? Patapos na itong niluluto ko.”

“No, it’s alright. I can wait.” I said, yawning. I sat on the dining table and just watched her cook. This felt like the most natural thing in the world. I loved watching her move around the kitchen. It made me feel like this was actually the way everything was supposed to be.

Would there be more mornings like this? I’d love to wake up to this everyday. Naisip ko ang batang dinadala ni Marian. I thought of how life would be once the baby comes out. I pictured a morning like this. A high chair next to me, a cute baby making a mess out of his food. A family… My family…

NO!

I shook my head, pushing the thought away. I found it disturbing that something so ordinary as this could awaken such strong yearning in me.

“Breakfast is ready.” Sabi ni Marian habang naglalakad papunta sa mesa na may dalang isang plato. She put it on the table and sat down next to me.

“Aren’t you going to the flowershop today?” I asked while we ate.

“Tinawagan ko na si Flor kanina. Sabi ko hindi ako makakapasok. Bibili pa ako ng ilang gamit para sa baby, maybe even some maternity clothes and underwears. Medyo sumisikip na kasi sa akin ang mga damit ko.”

“Sasamahan kita.” I said.

“Okay lang ako no, kaya ko na yun. You go back to your happy-go-lucky life.” She chuckled, shaking her head.

“Wala naman akong gagawin ngayon.” I shrugged.

Her face suddenly turned serious as she looked at me. “Why are you doing this, Seth? Hindi mo naman kailangan gawin ang mga ito.”

“Because I know you need me.” I said with a smug smile.

“Hah! You wish.” She rolled her eyes.

“Totoo naman. Di mo naman kayang linisin yung kwarto na ikaw lang mag-isa. I did all the work there.”

“Ang yabang nito. Kaya ko naman linisin yun, ayaw mo lang akong patulungin. Yung condo mo nga na kala mo smokey mountain, napalinis ko, yun pa kaya.”

“Can’t you just be grateful for what I did? You need me and you know it. I’ll be here for you whether you like it or not. You’re going to have a hard time getting rid of me. “

Marian’s POV

Umuwi muna si Seth para magbihis. Sabi niya babalik siya para samahan akong magshopping. He was so involved with my life right now. Ayokong dumepende sa kanya. Natatakot ako na baka masanay ako na palagi siyang nandyan. Baka pag nawala siya, masaktan ako ng sobra.

You’re going to have a hard time getting rid of me. Those were the words he told me earlier. I couldn’t push him away even if a part of me thought he wasn’t good for me. And I didn’t think I want to. He was the only person I had right now.

A car pulled up in front of my house. I grabbed my bag and went to answer the door. Sabay kaming sumakay sa kotse. After about a thirty minute drive, we were at the mall. Sinamahan niya ako sa department store para bumili ng bagong mga underwears at damit.

We went to the maternity clothes section. He helped me pick some clothes, yung madaling maadjust para kahit lumaki na ang tiyan ko masusuot ko pa rin. I also picked out some maternity underwears.

“Ito po, ma’am, stretchable po ito kaya kahit mag gain ka sa chest part magkakasya sa’yo.” Sabi ng saleslady habang namimili ako ng bra.

“Talaga?” I asked. The price of the bra was atleast three times more expensive than an ordinary one. I wanted to make sure if it would be worth it.

“Opo, ma’am.”

My gaze turned to Seth who was quietly standing next to me and his chest. He obviously had a bigger physique than me.

“What?” His brows furrowed but then it changed into horror, as if he’d read my mind.

“No…” He shook his head. Wala pa akong sinasabi pero alam niya na ang gusto kong mangyari.

“Please?” I pouted. “Gusto ko lang malaman kung totoo nga. Titignan ko lang.” Humarap ako sa saleslady. “Pwede ko ba itry sa kanya?”

The saleslady agreed and after talking Seth into wearing it, he finally did too. All it took was five words for him to agree, ‘Do it for the baby’. I couldn’t hold my laughter when I saw him wearing the bra. To tell you honestly, it wasn’t necessary. I just wanted to see him in a bra. I even took a picture of him with my phone.

He was pissed. He gave me that you’re-annoying-but-I-tolerate-you kind of look the whole time.

“Sir, ikaw yata pinaglilihian ni ma’am.” Natatatawang sabi ng saleslady. Apparently, she thought we were husband and wife.

“I can tell.” He said, amused. And then a devious smile appeared on his lips. “I’m sorry. Ever since she got pregnant, she’d been having weird fetishes. I bet this gets her hot, publicly humiliating me.”

I hit him in the arm and he laughed. Oh he knew it wasn’t that hard to embarras me. The saleslady suddenly looked uncomfortable and I was so embarrassed. 

We went straight to the baby boutique after that. Tumingin naman ako ang mga damit na pangbaby. I could easily imagine my newborn baby wearing those clothes.

“This will look good on your baby. Bilin na natin ’to.” Seth said holding up a tiny black and white striped polo shirt that looked like a mini version of what he was wearing right now. “We’d be women magnet in this shirt.” He grinned, wiggling his brows up and down.

I rolled my eyes but couldn’t help but smile. Napipicture ko sa isip ko ang itsura ng mag-ama while wearing matching shirts. They’d look cute together.

Hindi din naman nagtagal ang ngiti ko sa labi. I was afraid to expect anything from Seth. Nothing should be expected from him. I wasn’t blind, I could see his interest and enthusiasim about the baby. Pero hindi ko magawang masabi sa kanya ang totoo. I had to remember that it was only MY decision to have this baby. It would be unfair to give him a responsibility he didn’t want in the first place.

“Put it back. Hindi ko pa nga alam ang gender ng bata. This may be a girl.” I said.

“But what if it’s a boy.” His smile grew wider. “Marian, please?” He didn’t stop there. Parang batang nagpapabili ng laruan sa toy store pinilit niya akong bilhin ang shirt na iyon. I ended up giving in to him, like I always did. And into the cart it went.

Bumili ako ng ilang gamit ng baby. Can you blame me? I was an excited mother-to-be. I bought my baby some onesies and some shirts, mga lampin, socks, baby gloves. They were mostly white para gender neutral.

And then I saw the perfect wooden crib for my baby’s nursery room. I fell in love with it the moment I saw it. I wanted to buy it right away. Pero nang itanong ko ang presyo na disappoint ako kasi hindi ko siya kayang bilhin.

“Kunin na natin, I’ll pay for it.” He said.

“It’s okay, Seth. Kaya ko pa naman pag-ipunan. Matagal pa naman ako manganagank.” Sabi ko.

“But I want to buy it for the baby.”

“I can save up for it.”

“Paano pag balik mo wala na yan? I’ll buy it.”

“Seth, hindi mo ba naiintindihan? Ayoko nga! My flower shop makes a decent income! Kaya kong bilhin iyon para sa anak ko! Kaya kong buhayin ang anak ko ng hindi kinakailangan ng tulong mo!” My voice raised before I could realize it. My reaction was a surprise not only to him but to me too. I could blame it on hormone but I guess, what he said earlier kind of got into me. The whole me needing him thing. Because the more we spend time together, the more I start to think he was right. I needed him and it scared me. I hated that he made me feel like this. I didn’t want to need him.

“Is something wrong?” He asked as he stopped his car in front of my house. “Kanina ka pa walang kibo.”

I shook my head.

“Is it because of what I did in the department store.” He asked.

“No. I’m just tired.” Sabi ko na lang bago binuksan ang pinto ng kotse. I didn’t say a word, not even a goodbye. 

Needing him terrified me. Ayaw kong masanay sa kanya kasi natatakot ako na baka isang araw bigla na lang siyang mawala.

Chapter Thirty One

Marian’s POV

“I still can’t believe you’re pregnant! Akala ko tumataba ka lang.” Sabi ni Andrea. I was on my third month of pregnancy when I decided to tell my friends about it. As I expected, they were all shocked. Minabuti ko ng sabihin sa kanila dahil malalaman rin naman nila kapag lumobo na ang tiyan ko. Nararamdaman ko naman na malapit na mangyari iyon. My breasts and my stomach were growing each passing day. Mas magugulat sila kapag magkita kaming bilog na bilog na ang tiyan ko.

“And we thought you were going to dry up like an old prune.” Ani Rose.

“How did that happen? Wala ka naman boyfriend? O wala nga ba?” Tanong ni Betsy.

“I don’t have a boyfriend.” I sighed.

“Paano ka nabuntis? Sino ang ama ng anak mo?” Andrea asked, completely baffled.

“Does it matter?” I shrugged, chewing on my pasta. Hindi naman sa wala akong tiwala sa kanila kaya ayaw kong sabihin ang tungkol sa ginawa ko at ang tungkol kay Seth. I just didn’t feel like I should be telling them when the own father of the baby I was carrying doesn’t even know. Kung may higit na dapat man makaalam nito iyon ay si Seth pero alam ko naman na hindi mangyayari iyon. I guess I’d have to keep this secret to the grave.

“Of course, it matters! Ano ba? Buntis ka ba talaga o nagbibiro ka lang?” Hindi pa rin makapaniwalang sabi ni Rose.

“I really am pregnant.” I said. “Thirteen weeks and two days pregnant.”

“How did we not know about this? Bakit hindi mo sinabi sa amin last week noong nasa bahay tayo ni Rose?” Tanong ni Betsy.

“Hindi ko alam kung paano sasabihin sa inyo. Alam kong ganito magiging reaksyon niyo.” I rolled my eyes.

“Was it a one night stand? Did you have a one night stand?” Tanong ni Andrea.

“Oh my god! Sinunod mo ang advice namin?!” Napatutop ng bibig si Betsy. “YOU HAD A ONE NIGHT STAND, DIDN’T YOU?!”

“Hindi na mahalaga iyon. Ang mahalaga buntis ako, magkakaroon na ako ng anak at hindi na ako tatanda mag-isa. I finally have something to live for.” Sagot ko. “Kaya ko naman mag-isang palakihin ang anak ko. Can’t you just be happy for me?”

“We’re happy for you Marian.” Seryosong sabi ni Betsy. “Nagulat lang kami. Thirteen weeks ka ng buntis tapos ngayon lang namin malalaman?”

“I’m sorry.” I sighed. “Hindi ko naman pinlano na pataggalin ng ganito bago ko sabihin sa inyo. Masyadong lang talagang marami ang nangyari sa loob ng maikling panahon, masyadong mabilis.”

“Okay, we forgive you.” Sabi ni Rose. Then she leaned closer to me. “But how was your first time? Na enjoy mo naman?”

Kung alam lang nila na walang ‘first time’ na naganap. I stole Seth’s semen and injected it in me. I had never even seen a totally naked full-blooded man in person. The only time I was involved in any sexual interaction was when I was the sperm.

“It was alright.” I shrugged.

“Details?” Tumaas ang kilay ni Andrea.

“I don’t kiss and tell.” Simpleng sagot ko.

“Marian, alam ko na kaya mong buhayin ang magiging anak mo pero handa ka na ba sa responsibilidad? Sigurado ka bang kaya mo na? Ako nga ina ako at may ama ang mga anak ko pero nahihirapan pa rin ako, paano naman ikaw? Nag-iisa ka lang. Paano ang anak mo? Paano pag lumaki na yan at naghanap yan ng ama?” Seryosong sabi ni Betsy.

“I’ll give my baby twice as much love as a parent could give para hindi niya maramdaman na may kulang sa buhay niya. You don’t have to worry about me or the baby.” I answered.

“At wala naman din siyang magagawa kahit marealize niya na hindi pa siya handa ngayon. Hello! Nandyan na yan!” Sabi naman ni Rose.

Hindi na nila ako kinulit tungkol sa ama ng anak ko which was a relief for me. We focused on the baby. They gave me an advice on how to be a mother-to-be. They told me everything they went through during there pregnancy and they told me what I’d go through. It was scary but exciting at the same time. Nagsimula na kaming magplano ng baby shower.

“Marian.” Narinig ko ang isang pamilyar na pamilyar na baritong boses ng lalaki mula sa likod ko. I froze, my friends turned their heads to where the voice was. Namilog ang mga mata nila na parang nakakita ng anghel na bumaba sa lupa. By the look on their faces, the owner of that voice was the person I had in mind.

Dahan-dahan pumihit ang ulo ko sa direksyon niya. Nakatayo doon si Seth. “Seth, ano’ng ginagawa mo dito?”

“I said I was going to drop by?” Kibit-balikat na sabi niya.

“You did?” Kunot ang noong sabi ko.

“Yeah, I texted you. Hindi mo ba nabasa?” Tanong niya. We were texting earlier. Sinabi ko sa kanya na lalabas ako kasama ang mga kaibigan ko. I told him I was going to have early dinner with my friends. Sinabi ko sa kanya iyon kasi kaming dalawa palagi ang nagdidinner at wala akong niluto ngayon sa bahay. Tinanong niya ako sa text kung saan kami kakain kaya binigay ko naman ang pangalan ng restaurant. Hindi ko naman akalain na susunod siya sa akin.

“Hindi ko na kasi na check ang phone ko.” Sabi ko.

“Oh okay.” He shrugged. “Sabi ko sa’yo susunduin kita dito. Gabi na at baka magtaxi ka pa, delikado na.”

“Seth, why don’t you join us?” Rose said with a sly smile on her lips.

“Oo nga, Seth, upo ka muna dito.” Sabi naman ni Andrea habang tinuturo niya ang bakanteng upuan, bilog ang mesang inuupuan namin at may bakanteng upuan sa pagitan ko at ni Andrea.

“Ikaw ba yung Seth na nabunggo ni Marian ang lambo? Yung may maduming condominium? Yung gwapong sex addict na balahura na boss niya na gabi-gabing may dinadalang prostitute? Ikaw ba yung Seth na yun?” Tanong ni Seth.

Napasinghap ako. I couldn’t believe they were telling him what I told them about him!

Seth just gave him a snided grin before glancing at me. “Yeah, I guess I’m that Seth. But to make it clear, those women weren’t prostitutes. I don’t pay for a lay.”

“Ikaw pala yung Seth na iyon. We’ve heard so much about you.” Sabi ni Rose.

“I can tell.” Seth chuckled.

“We’re so glad to finally meet you.” Sabi ni Andrea.

“Halika na.” Tumayo na ako sa kinauupuan ko at lumapit sa kanya.

“Leaving so soon?” Tanong ni Rose.

“Tapos na akong kumain.” I said. Baka kung ano pa ang maidaldal nila kay Seth. Those women doesn’t know when to shut their mouths.

Nagmamadaling hinatak ko siya palayo sa mga kaibigan ko. Dinala niya ako sa kotse niya at sumakay kami doon.

“I didn’t know you talk about me with your friends.” Nakangising sabi niya. “Sabi mo sa kanila gwapo ako? You find me attractive, don’t you?” He teased.

“Oh get over yourself, Seth!” Umirap ako sa kanya.

My phone vibrated. Tinignan ko ang screen. It was a message from Rose.

Alam ko na kung sino ang tatay ng anak mo. You took our advice, didn’t you? He is a total hunk!

I quickly texted her back.

Kayo talaga, ang lawak ng imagination niyo. Magkaibigan lang kami ni Seth, nagmaganda loob lang yung tao.

I wasn’t denying it but I won’t confirm it either.

I woke up with an intense craving for something sweet in the middle of the night. Bumangon ako mula sa kama at lumabas ng kwarto para maghalungkat sa kusina. I opened the door and was about to head to the kitchen when I heard something. I heard something moving in the living room. It was dark so I couldn’t see anything but I heard heard steps, light slow steps moving around. Then I heard an ear shattering crash of a vase.

Narinig ko ang mga yabag na para bang natatarantang tumakbo ito. Agad akong pumasok pabalik sa kwarto ko at nilock ang pinto. Bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko. Someone broke into my house. I was panicking inside but I knew I had to keep quiet. Ayaw kong malaman niyang nandito ako, baka kung anong gawin niya sa akin. Hinanap ko ang phone ko at nagkulong ako sa masikip na closet.

I hurriedly dialed Seth’s number. My mind was going a thousand miles per second. Takot na takot ako na baka pumasok siya sa kwarto. Baka bumukas na lang itong pinto sa closet at biglang may humila sa buhok ko palabas. Those three rings felt like a hundred.

“Hey, Marian.” He finally answered. Nasa nightclub siya ngayon. I could hear the music, the crowd and everything.

“Seth.” I said in a whisper. “Seth, nilooban yata ako.”

“What?” He asked.

“I think someone broke into my house! May tao sa labas ng kwarto ko. Please, please… puntahan mo ako dito.”

I heard him cuss loudly and then he took a deep breath, as if trying to calm himself down. “Papunta na ako d’yan, okay? Just try to hide and don’t make any noise.”

“Seth…” What if this was the end? Paano kung makita ako dito ng nanloob sa bahay ko at patayin ako? Baka hindi ako tanggapin sa langit sa nagawa ko. Kasama iyon sa ten commandments: Thou shalt not steal. “Seth baby mo itong dinadala ko. I stole your sperm! Mahirap ipaliwanag pero sa’yo talaga ’to. I’m sorry, Seth.Gusto ko lang malaman mo ang totoo just in case na may mangyari sa akin at-”

There was just silence on the other line.

“SETH? SETH?!” Inilayo ko ang phone sa tainga ko at tinitigan ang screen.

Call ended

I dropped the phone to my side and my body slumped against the wall. I waited. After what felt like eternity, I heard the door to my room open. Nakita ko mula sa maliit na siwang sa baba ng pinto ang pagbukas ng ilaw.

“Marian?” And then I heard Seth’s voice.

Nabuhayan ako ng loob at napatayo ako mula sa sahig. It was such a relief. I opened the closet door and jumped on him when I saw him. We both fell on the bed with me on top of him.

“Kanina pa kita hinihintay, akala ko hindi ka na darating.” Humihikbing sabi ko.

“Pwede ba yun? Hindi kita pababayaan.” He cupped my face and looked at me straight in the eyes. “It’s okay, Marian.”

“Wala na ba siya?” Tanong ko.

“Nandyan pa.” He said.

“Huh?” My heart started to race again.

“It’s just a cat. You left the window in your kitchen open and a cat got in.” Sabi niya.

“I-I thought… I thought it was a person.” Aged akong tumayo. Napaupo naman si Seth mula sa pagkakahiga.

“It’s just a cat. Right now, it’s sitting on your couch and licking its paws. Want to see?” He asked.

Sabay kaming lumabas ng kwarto at nakita ko ang mataba, mabalahibo at gray na pusang nasa ibabaw ng couch ko. The lampshade on the end table next to the couch was now on the floor shattered into pieces. The cat was licking his bleeding paw.

The cat was neighbor’s. Agad ko naman dinala ang pusa sa kapit-bahay ko. My neighbor apologized to me and took his cat.

“Seth, hindi mo ba narinig yung sinabi ko kanina sa phone?” Tanong ko sa kanya ng makabalik na kami sa bahay. Gusto ko lang masigurado kung talaga bang narinig niya ang sinabi ko kanina tungkol sa baby o hindi.

“About what?” His brows furrowed.

Umiling ako. “Wala.”

It was better this way.

“Marian, you can’t be alone like this.” Seryosong sabi niya. “Paano kung totoo ngang may nanloob sa bahay mo?”

I shrugged. “Wala naman akong magagawa. Mag-isa na lang ako sa buhay.”

“Do you know how scared I was when you called and told me someone broke into your house?”

“I’m sorry.” I bit my bottom lip.

“I was really fucking scared. I thought of you and the baby. Hindi pa ako natakot ng ganon sa buong buhay ko. Muntikan na akong mabangga papunta dito dahil halos paliparin ko na ang kotse ko.”

I felt even more guiltier. That darn fat cat! It was all his fault.

“You can’t be alone anymore. You need someone here with you. That’s why I’ve decided to move in with you.”

“Ano?”

“Mamili ka. You move into my condo or I move in here with you?”

Chapter Thirty Two

Seth’s POV

Marian fidgeted with her fingers on her lap. I waited for her answer. I thought it would be better if we move in together. She was pregnant and she shouldn’t be alone. She needed someone and I happened to be there.

“Seth, hindi mo naman kailangan gawin ito. I made a mistake and I’m sorry. Mula bata, dito na kami nakatira at pa akong naririnig na nalooban na bahay malapit dito.”

“Paano ’pag nangyari talaga iyon?” I tried to keep my voice controlled but I still ended up raising it a little. “You don’t even know what to do or how to defend yourself.”

“But Seth-”

“No buts!” I quickly cut her off. “I’m going to move in here with you whether you like it or not.”

“I don’t want you to put your life on hold for me.”

“I’m not doing this for you, I’m doing this for the baby.” Dahilan ko na lang. I was doing this for the both of them.

I decided to stay the night at Marian’s house. Bukas na ako maglilipat ng mga damit ko. I was serious with moving in with her and nothing could change my mind. Mas maganda na rin ang ganito, nang hindi ako nag-aalala sa kanya. Hindi din naman ako mapakali ’pag di ko siya kasama. I’d be able to keep a closer and better eye on them.

The only room that had a bed in it was Marian’s. Which means she had to share her room and bed with me. Sleeping together wasn’t a big deal to us as we were already comfortable with each other. But I’m still a man. I have needs. I love fucking.

And Marian, she was beautiful and when I say beautiful, I mean beautiful. I didn’t think she even knows it. Which doesn’t help me in the slightest. Her face was clear and creamy. Her eyes were strong and passionate. I could tell she was the type who knew what she wanted. And her lips, Jesus, her sweet soft lips… they kill me.

I prayed that the baby would look like her. Sana wala itong mamanang kahit anong bahid ng ama nito, not that it would make me love the baby any less. Naisip ko na mas madali lang ipaliwanag sa iba kung may magtanong kung bakit hindi ko kamukha ang bata, pwede kong sabihin na kay Marian nagmana iyon.

“Good night, Seth.” She whispered as she shifted to her side.

“Good night.” I replied, laying my head down with a sigh.

After I was sure she was already asleep, I protectively wrapped an arm around her belly. I’d do anything for her and the baby. I’d protect them at all cost. Hindi man sa akin itong batang ito, napamahal na ako sa kanya hindi pa siya ipinapanganak.

If someday, the real father comes forth and attempts to claim his rightful paternity, he’d have to go through hell. I was the father of the baby now. Ako ang nandito ng wala siya. Ako ang nasa tabi ni Marian habang nagbubuntis siya. And I’d be there to witness the baby’s birth, and the baby’s first cry, the first word, the first step…

Marian’s POV

I jumped out of the bed and went straight to the bathroom. I hadn’t fully opened my eyes but I could already feel my stomach flipping. I dropped to my knees in front of the toilet, I lurched forward, putting my face in the toilet bowl.

Naramdaman ko ang kamay na humawi sa buhok ko. Seth held my hair back as I emptied my guts out while he was rubbing my back. After I was done, nanghihinang napasandal ako sa dingding. He flushed the toilet and handed me a glass of water.

Nahimasmasan lang ako ng makainom ako ng tubig.

“Is it always like this every morning?” He asked.

Umiling ako. “Not every morning. Minsan na lang ngayon.”

“Is it something we should be worried about?” We? My heart fluttered at what he said. We talaga? Pakiramdam ko tuloy hindi lang ako ang naghihirap sa pagbubuntis. I didn’t feel like I was alone in this anymore.

“Sabi ng doktor normal lang daw ito, hindi ba?” I answered. “I’ll be okay.”

“Are you sure?”

I nodded my head. I went to the sink and brushed my teeth. Lumabas na si Seth habang naghihilamos ako ng mukha at lumabas na din ako pagkatapos kong ayusin ang sarili ko. I caught a smell of something burning the moment I opened the door to the living room. Agad akong tumakbo sa kusina kung saan nanggagaling ang amoy na iyon.

“Seth, what are you doing?” Tanong ko.

“I turned it off. It’s okay.” Sabi nito. “I was looking for the eggs, I forgot about the sausages.”

“Ano ba kasing ginagawa mo?”

“I was trying to set the house on fire. What does it look like?” He sarcastically said.

“Bakit naman kasi nagluluto ka? You can’t even wash your dishes to save your life.”

“This is what I get for all my efforts? You’re welcome.” He barks a humorless laugh.

“Just leave the cooking to me.” I sighed. “Ano bang gusto mong kainin?”

“I’m not really hungry. I just thought since you’re not feeling good, ako na lang ang magluluto ng breakfast.”

“Okay lang ako, sanay na ako dito. Umupo ka na lang d’yan ako na magluluto.” Irap ko sa kanya. Pero sa loob-loob ko kinikilig ako. I found those simple things he does (or he tries to do) really sweet. Seth pulling my hair back while I was vomiting, him trying to make breakfast for me… It was something I had never pictured a Seth Timothy Fonacier would do.

Kagagaling ko lang sa flowershop ng madatnan ko si Seth na nagpapaint ng nursery room. He was topless with his muscley back turned to me. I leaned against the door frame, my eyes indulged in the set before them. I bit my lower as I watched him painting the walls. A week ago, lumipat siya dito. We share a room and we sleep together in one bed. I love falling asleep next to him, he doesn’t know this but every night nagkukunwari akong tulog at nararamdaman kong niyayakap niya ako. Hindi ko din alam kung tulog ba siya habang ginagawa niya iyon o alam niya rin ang ginagawa niya dahil nakatalikod ako madalas sa kanya. I love feeling his warmth against my body. Him pulling me close to him. Me feeling safe in his arms.

And once, I think it was yesterday, I woke up with a hard thing pressed against my butt. Yes, it its what I thought it was. Hindi ko naman siya masisisi dahil natural iyon sa katawan ng lalaki. We’d learn that in science. Nocturnal penile tumescene, that was what they call it, but it was better known as morning wood. It wasn’t something that guys have control over. Now the smart and polite thing to do was to get out of bed but it took me awhile to do so. My brain made up a bunch of excuse not to leave the bed. At that moment, I felt like I took advantage of him and his morning wood. I guess it was what they say about pregnant women being horny. Kaya nga pagbangon ko sa kama, nag-rosary agad ako.

“Hey.” Sabi niya ng mapansin akong nakatayo doon.

Ngumiti lang ako sa kanya.

“I got bored so I decided to paint this room. The color’s gender neutral, beige with a tinge of yellow. Maganda ba?”

Tinignan ko ang wall paint at nakita ang kulay nito. I nodded my head. “Maganda.”

“You like it?”

“Oo naman.” I said. “Gagawa lang ako ng sandwich. Gusto mo din?”

“Sure.” He said.

Iniwan ko muna siya sa at nagpunta ako sa kusina para gumawa ng sandwich. Gumawa dina ko ng juice para sa aming dalawa. Kumuha muna ako ng bimpo sa kwarto bago dalhin ang tray ng pagkain sa nursery room dahil basang-basa na siya sa pawis.

“Kain muna tayo.” I said as I was putting tray down.

Ibinaba niya ang paint roller na hawak niya at lumapit sa akin. Inabot ko ang bimpo at pinunasan ko ang pawis sa noo niya. His hand reached up to mine. He just held my hand and I looked up at him. His olive eyes were intense. Manhid lang ang hindi makakaramdam ng tensyon sa pagitan namin. Dahan-dahan kong binawi ang kamay ko at tumalikod sa kanya. I poured myself a glass of juice to cool myself down.

Tinungga ko ang isang baso ng juice.

“Marian?” Narinig kong sabi niya. He leaned against the table next to me. “Paano kapag nalaman ng ama ng anak mo ang tungkol sa bata?”

“Huh?”

“What if he finds out about the baby? Are you going to let him into your baby’s life?”

“Hindi ko alam.” Kibit-balikat na sabi ko. I tried to answer as casual as possible.

“So there’s a possibility?” He grabbed a sandwich from the plate and took a bite out of it.

“Siguro.” Sagot ko. “Depende sa sitwasyon.”

“Ano’ng klaseng sitwasyon?” He asked with a confused look on his face.

“Kung magpapakaresponsable siya, kung magmature na siya, at kung kaya niyang panindigan ang pagiging ama sa anak ko, bakit hindi? I want a stable life for my baby. I don’t want my child to have a father that’s only there when he feels like being a father.” Bumuntong-hininga ako. Isa pa yun sa kinatatakutan ko kung malaman ni Seth ang totoo. He wasn’t mature and responsible enough. It would scare him lalo na at hindi niya naman ito pinlano. Kung panindigan niya ang bata at magkamali siya sa pagiging ama, ang anak namin ang higit na maaapektuhan. I didn’t want my child seeing his father party like its the end of the world or walk out of the club with different women clinging on his arms every night. Hindi ganong klaseng buhay ang gusto ko para sa anak ko.

Chapter Thirty Three

Seth’s POV

“You want to work in our company?” There was a look of disbelief on dad’s face. “A work? Are you telling me you want a job? Did I hear it right?” He pressed the intercom on top of his desk. “Catherine, can you come in here please?”

“Okay, sir.” I heard a female’s voice from the intercom. Not a moment later, a short plump middle aged women came into the room.

“Catherine, pwede bang pakinggan mo ang sinabi ng anak ko? Listen, carefully okay? Baka kasi nagkakamali lang ako ng pandinig.” Dad said.

I grunted in annoyance. “Dad, you’re overreacting.”

“Say it again, hijo.” He said.

“I want to work.” I said in a low annoyed tone.

“Narinig mo yun, Catherine?! Narinig mo ang sabi ng anak ko?” Dad literally looked like he had won the lottery.

“Gusto niya daw magtrabaho, sir.” Sabi ng babae. What? Did he just call someone to translate what I just said in tagalog? This was pathetic.

“Thank you, Catherine.” He said dismissively and the woman left.

“Dad, what the hell?” I looked at him with brows wrinkled.

“Hijo, hindi lang ako makapaniwala. Ilang taon kong hinintay ang pagkakataong ito.” He said.

“Jesus, I just want a job, dad! Stop acting like I cured cancer.” I said in frustration.

“I’m sorry your old man just got a little excited.” He apologized. “But I’m just curious. What made you suddenly want a job?”

It was because of Marian. I couldn’t keep hosting at nightclubs. Walang makakasama si Marian sa gabi. What was the point of me moving into her house if I leave her by herself every night? Besides, I wasn’t making a lot of money out of it. I just enjoyed partying and drinking and getting paid for it. I make enough for myself but now there’s Marian and soon there’d be a baby. I needed a stable job.

“I’m done hosting. I want a real job.” I shrugged.

“You don’t know how happy I am right now, son. Finally! Your mother will lose her mind when she hears this.” Dad said. “Ikaw ang magmamana nitong airline company. This will be all yours when I retire. This company has been waiting for you for so long.”

Dad gave me an orientation. I had absolutely no clue about running an airline company. I’d given a lower position to get me started. I needed to learn the basics first before I could climb the corporate ladder. Dad said there’d be no special treatment for me. I had to do what all his employees do. I hadn’t started my job yet but I already felt like a brainless sheep being herded… being told what to do, what to wear, where to go.

Apparently I had to wear suits. Yeah, the one with button down shirts, suit jackets and neck tie. This is the Philippines, a tropical country, where it’s a thousand goddamn fahrenheit on an average day. Wearing suit should be banned here. Damn! I could die of heat stroke wearing those things outside. It would be more acceptable to wear barong.

I was now one of the sheeps being herded to the slaughter house. I never thought I’d be doing this. But i did…all because of Marian and the baby. It wasn’t me anymore, it was us. My priorities had changed.

Marian’s POV

Nang magising ako, wala na si Seth sa tabi ko. Usually ako ang mas nauunang magising kay Seth. Minsan nga kailangan ko pa yan gisingin kung hindi tanghali na yan babangon sa kama. I just up, stretching my arms as I yawned, when the door to the bathroom opened. Lumabas si Seth mula doon na naka puting button down shirt at itim na trouser habang nakasampay naman sa braso niya ang itim na suit jacket. He was Seth Timothy Fonacier like I’d never seen before.

“Saan ka pupunta?” Tanong ko sa kanya.

“I’m going to work.” He said, stopping in front of the full length mirror I had in the corner of my room.

“Work?” Gulat na tanong ko. “May trabaho ka?”

“Yeah, I’m starting work today.” He answered.

“Saan ka na nagtatrabaho?” I crawled to the edge of the bed and sat there.

“At my family’s company.” Sabi niya habang sinasampay ang hahaba at manipis na tela sa balikat niya.

“Hindi ka na maghohost sa mga nightclubs?” I asked.

“I can’t keep doing that for the rest of my life. Besides, nakakasawa na din ang magparty. Right now I want to try to corporate world.”

“Really? Totoo ba ’to? Nanaginip lang yata ako.” I said. He used to tell me how he’d hate to have a 9-to-5 life and how he’d never be caught dead working at an office. He wanted a laid-back and carefree lifestyle, no stress life with no responsibilities. Hindi ako makapaniwalang may trabaho na siya ngayon. Hindi ko nga akalain na makikita ko siyang nakasuot ng suit.

He looked really hot in that suit, so powerful and broodingly handsome. His sleek and cleanly pushed back hair suited his aristocratic features. My raging hormones were battling with my entrenched morality again.

“Marian, do you know how do this?” He asked, as he frustratedly tried to tie his necktie.

“Hindi ako marunong.” Sabi ko. “Pero pwede kong isearch sa internet. Wait lang.”

I took out my phone and looked it up in the internet. Pagkatapos ay lumapit ako sa kanya at sinubukan iyon. I could smell his aftershave and cologne as I was tying his necktie. He smelled delicious.

“Bakit hindi mo man lang sinabi sa akin an may trabaho ka na?” I asked as I was straightening his tie with my finger.

“I just got the job yesterday. Tulog ka na ng dumating ako kagabi.” He said.

“Good luck on your first day.” I smiled, tugging at his tie.

One corner of his lips lifted in a cocky grin. “Are you going to miss me?”

“OA mo naman! Bakit hindi ka na ba babalik dito?” My brow shot up.

“Babalik.” His grin grew bigger. “Pwede ko ba naman kayong iwan?”

I tried to hide my smile. “Teka, nagbreakfast ka na ba?”

He lifted his arm and pulled his sleeve up to look at his wrist watch. “I’m going to be late for work.”

“Kahit magcoffee ka lang.”

“I know you can’t stand the smell of coffee.” He said. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll just grab something to eat when I get to work.”

“Magbreakfast ka ha.” Sabi ko sa kanya.

“Ikaw din. Don’t starve the little champ.” He said.

“The little champ won’t starve… Itong pang anak m-ko…” My tongue almost betrayed me. I almost said it. I felt like my heart just dropped. Do you know the feeling when you miss a step on the stairs and you feel like you’re going to have a heart attack? That was how I felt. “Alam mo naman itong anak ko kapag hindi ko pinakain nangungulit.” I chuckled to quickly cover up my tenseness. At fifteen weeks, I could already feel some subtle movements in me. Especially when I don’t eat on time or I get hungry.

His gaze dropped to my protuding stomach. Bumaba din ang mga kamay niya doon at marahang hinaplos iyon. “Be a good kid while I’m gone, okay?”

“Para naman maririnig ka niyan.” I rolled my eyes smiling.

“A baby can hear a voice as early as 14 weeks.” He said.

“Really?” I asked, amused.

“Mhmm. That’s why we have to be careful with what we say. Naririnig niya na tayo.” Sabi ni Seth. “Oo nga pala hindi ba next week may appointment tayo sa doktor?”

“Yes. If we’re lucky, baka daw makita na natin ang gender ng baby.” I excitedly said.

“Let’s not spoil it. Gusto kong malaman ang gender ng baby kapag napanganak na.” He said.

“Pero gusto ko ng malaman.” I pouted.

“Don’t you think it would be good if we keep a little suspense?”

“Mas maganda kung malaman na natin ngayon. Hindi na ako mahihirapan bumili ng mga gamit ng baby at saka nagpaplano na sina Rose ng baby shower. Excited na din silang malaman ang gender ng baby.” Sabi ko.

“Let’s talk about it when I get home. I don’t want to be late on my first day. Dad might fire me.” Natatawang sabi niya.

“Bye.” I smiled.

“Bye.” He lifted his hand up, gently tucking a few strands of stray hair behind my ear. And then he stroked my cheek. His touch sent a combination of tickles and chill through my body. His face lowered to mine and my breath caught as I wondered if he was going to kiss me.

He kissed me… on the cheek. And then he turned and walked away. He left me wanting for more. Namimiss ko na madampian ng labi niya ang labi ko. I miss the taste of his lips against mine, the feel of it, the heat of his breath.

Sometimes I feel like we were just playing house. Nasa iisang bubong kami, natutulog ng magkatabi sa iisang kama pero wala naman kaming relasyon. Everything was just make believe. Nothing was real.

Chapter Thirty Four

Seth’s POV

I punched the bag hard, letting my frustrations out.

It was weekend which meant it was my off today. I was at the gym, working out with my friends. Marian was still asleep when I left the house.

I needed a distraction.

Waking up with yet again with my morning wood pressed against Marian’s ass left me sexually frustrated. Damn! I hadn’t been with a woman for months now and every morning when I wake up I get my cock teased with no relief.

I threw some more punches, each punch harder than the last.

Sure, I could jerk off but that would make me feel like a fuckin’ creep. Wanking off in the bathroom next to our room to the thought of her, a very pregnant woman, while she sleeps. That’s just not right.

I stopped to catch my breath. Hinubad ko ang boxing gloves at hinagis ko iyon sa sahig bago ako umupo sa sitting area. I drank some water to rehydrate myself. Not a moment later, Axel got up from the bench press and sat next to me. He took out his water bottle and drank from it.

“Can pregnant women have sex?” I asked him. I didn’t know if I asked that out of curiosity or something else.

He turned his head to me and chuckled. “Why are you asking me that?”

I shook my head. “Nevermind. Forget what I said.”

“Val and I were sexually active ’til she was about eight months and two weeks pregnant. Of course, pregnant women can have sex.”

“Eight months and two weeks?! Lupit mo, wala kang patawad.”

“Most of the time, it was Valerie initiating it. I was just doing what a good husband would do.” Kibit balikat na sabi niya. “And besides, sabi sa amin ng OB niya mas maganda nga ang sexually active sa buntis. Sex during pregnancy helps the body prepare for labor. Kaya hindi nahirapan si Val sa panganganak, sa bahay na siya nanganak. We didn’t even need a doctor. Anais came popping right out of her.”

I grimaced, trying to get the mental picture out of my head. “Too much info, dude.”

“Bakit mo ba natanong? Is it because of Marian?” He asked.

“NO!”

“Bakit ba hirap na hirap kang aminin na gusto mo si Marian? It’s fucking obvious.”

“Ano’ng pinag-uusapan niyo?” Lumapit si Tristan sa amin habang pinupunasan ang mukha gamit ang bimpo na nakasampay sa balikat niya

“Your sister. Axel said he’d been shagging Val until she was eight months pregnant.”

Tristan narrowed his eyes on Axel. “Jeez, we don’t need to know that, asshole. Isusumbong kita kay Valerie.

Axel’s raised his brows. “What the fuck? He started it! Magtanong ba naman sa akin kung pwede makipagsex ang buntis.”

“The hell?” Tristan’s attention shifted to me. “May fetish ka ba sa mga buntis?

“Dude, sino bang buntis ngayon?” Axel teasingly grinned.

A wide smile appeared on his lips, it was as if a light bulb went off in his head. “You want to shag Marian?”

My face crumpled into an annoyed expression. “Shut the fuck up. I was just curious.”

“I’ll feed your curiosity.” Tristan sat on the other side next to me. “Andi and I were still active until the very last week of her pregnancy. Pero kadalasan wala ng penetration, it was mostly oral.”

“Why?” Axel asked, baffled.

“I didn’t want to hurt Andi or my son.”

“It wouldn’t hurt any of them. Ang gynecologist mismo ni Valerie ang nagsabi na mabuti iyon para hindi siya mahirapan sa panganganak. We were having full on sex all throughout her pregnancy and Anais turned out okay.”

“Jesus, Axel, stop saying that! I don’t need to hear that. Val’s my sister!” He grimaced.

“What’s wrong with that? We’re married. Did you think that your sister never had sex, that our daughter was delivered by a stork? Come the fuck on.”

I shook my head, sighed and stood up from my seat. Iniwan ko na sila at hinayaang magtalo. I took a shower and left.

Why did I ask that question?

Marian’s POV

Nang makauwi ako galing sa flowershop nadatnan ko si Seth sa loob ng nursery. He was almost done putting up a crib. The wooden crib I’d always wanted. He turned his head to me when I walked in and smiled at me.

Nararamdaman at nakikita ko ang pagbabago ni Seth hindi lang sa kanya sarili pati na rin sa pakikitungo niya sa akin. He was more responsible now. Tumigil na siya sa paghohost sa mga party at meron na siyang trabaho. He doesn’t party anymore. He doesn’t drink. I don’t even think he goes out with other women anymore. Malayo na siya sa Seth na nakilala ko noon.

Was it because of the baby? Nararamdaman niya kaya na sa kanya ito? May nararamdaman kaya siyang lukso ng dugo para sa baby namin? Hindi niya ako iniwan o pinabayaan sa pagbubuntis ko kahit ang alam niya hindi siya ang ama nito. Was it because he was just being a good friend to me? Naaawa lang siya sa akin dahil alam niyang mag-isa na lang ako sa buhay.

“Do you like the crib?” He asked.

Sandaling tinignan ko iyon bago ibinalik ang mga mata sa kanya. I bit my bottom lip. “Hindi ba sabi ko ako na ang bibili niyan? You don’t have to do this.”

“Eh nandito na.” He grinned. “What are we going to do? Take it back to the store?”

“Seth, bakit mo ba ginagawa ito?”

“Wala lang. Off ko naman ngayon kaya dumaan muna ako sa mall pagkatapos ko mag gym. I saw the crib and know how much you love it so I decided to buy it.”

Napabuntong-hininga ako. “Hindi yun ang ibig kong sabihin. Bakit ba ginagawa mo ’to? Why are you acting like you’re my child’s father?”

His smile disappeared and turned into a deep frown. “I want to help. Masama ba yun?”

“Alam kong magkaibigan tayo pero sobra sobra na ang ginagawa mo para sa akin. May sarili kang buhay, Seth. I don’t want you to compromise your life for me or for the baby.”

“I’m not compromising my life.” He said in a control voice but I could feel that he was angry.

“Bakit ka huminto sa paghohost sa nightclubs at nagtrabaho sa kumpanya niyo. Hindi ba sabi mo sa akin noon hinding-hindi mangyayari iyon?”

“Iba na ngayon.”

“Why?”

“Bakit ba lahat sa’yo kailangan ng rason? Ginagawa ko iyon kasi gusto ko. Now if that upsets you, I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry if I’m acting like YOUR child’s father.” He said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

Tumalikod siya sa akin at nagsimulang lumakad palabas ng kwarto.

“Seth!” Tawag ko sa kanya pero hindi niya ako nilingon. Seth marched out of the room.

I was worried he wouldn’t come back. He took off with his car without saying a word to me. It was ten o’clock in the evening when I heard his car pulling up in front of the house. Not a moment later, the front door opened.

“Seth, may niluto ako-”

“I already ate.” Walang bakas ng emosyon na sabi niya.

“Saan ka galing?” I asked.

“I just drove around.” He answered before going straight into our room.

Pagpasok ko sa kwarto nasa shower na siya. Sumampa na ako sa kama at hinintay siyang lumabas mula sa banyo. After a few minutes he got out of the bathroom and quietly laid down next to me.

“Seth?” I shifted, turning to face him.

Nakapikit na ang mga mata niya pero alam ko na hindi pa siya tulog. I knew he was just pretending to be asleep.

“Seth, galit ka pa rin ba sa akin?” I asked.

No answer.

I shook his shoulder. “Hoy, ano ba? Hindi mo ba talaga ako kakausapin?” I still didn’t get any answer from him. I sighed. “I’m sorry, Seth. I didn’t mean to sound like an ungrateful bitch.”

Hindi pa din siya nagsalita. Napahugot ako ng malalim na hininga ng maramdaman kong may gumalaw sa tiyan ko. I’d felt the baby move before but not as strong as this. Napahawak ako sa tiyan ko.

“What?” Nang lumingon ako kay Seth, nakadilat na siya.

“The baby moved.” I whispered, stroking my protuding belly.

“It did?” He asked, amusement in his voice.

Tumango ako.

“Kala ko ba tulog ka na?” I grinned. “Sorry na. Bati na tayo.”

His brows furrowed. “Did the baby really move or were you just making that up?”

“Hoy hindi ah. Gumalaw talaga siya.” I said. “Bati na daw kasi tayo.”

He sighed, rolling his eyes and shrugging.

I scooted closer to him. “Bukas appointment ko sa doktor.”

“Sasama ako.” He said.

“Sana makita ang gender ng baby.”

“NO!” He firmly said. “We’ll find out when the baby comes out.”

“Bakit ba? Para nga ready na tayo.”

“I want it to be a surprise.”

“Ayaw ko. Gusto ko na malaman. Ganun din naman.”

“But it’s more special and exciting if we leave the baby’s gender a mystery.”

“Basta gusto ko nang malaman.” I rolled my eyes at him. “May naisip na nga akong mga pangalan para sa baby.”

“Ano yun?”

I smiled. “Kapag babae, I’ll name her after my mother, Rosario. Ano kayang magandang middle name para sa pangalan niya?”

“It’s beautiful name, classic. Let me think.” He said, pausing for a few seconds. “It needs an equally classic middle name. Amelie? Rosario Amelie? How does that sound?”

“It’s perfect. If it’s a girl, her name will be Rosario Amelie.” It fitted perfectly together. I could picture a beautiful little girl with dark hair and olive eyes the same as his father. She’d have a classic beauty that would look right in any era.

“What if it’s a boy?” He asked.

“Pio.” I said.

“Pio? Piolo?”

“No, just Pio. Dati kasi noong may sakit si mama palagi akong nagdadasal kay Padre Pio. Humaba pa ang isang taon ang buhay ni mama, nagawa pa namin ang lahat ng dapat namin gawin, nasabi ko sa kanya ang lahat ng dapat kong sabihin. Kaya gusto ko siyang pangalanan na Pio. Pio Timothy.”

His gaze snapped up to mine. “Timothy?”

“Oo, nakuha ko iyon sa pangalan mo. Gusto ko sanang ipangalan din sa’yo ang baby… kung okay lang sa’yo?” Kung hindi man makuha ng anak ko ang apeylido ng ama niya, kahit yung middle name na lang.

“I… wow, yes of course, it’ll be an honor. Pio Timothy it is.” He said with a wide smile on his face.

Chapter Thirty Five

Seth’s POV

I was as excited as Marian to find out what the baby’s gender is. Gusto ko sanang maghintay na ipanganak muna siya bago malaman ang sex but what the hell? I knew I couldn’t wait that long.

“Marian Perez.” The doctor’s secretary called out her name. We stood up and went inside the room.

The doctor did the usual tests on her to check if she and the baby were healthy. And then we went to another room for the ultrasound. I swear I had never felt this excited in my whole entire life. But it really doesn’t matter to me if it was a Pio or a Rosario. I just wanted to know what it is.

I could feel my heart rate pick up as Marian laid down the bed. The doctor applied some clear gel to Marian’s stomach and positioned the ultrasound receiver over it. My eyes were fixed on the screen, I was eager to see the baby.

I couldn’t help but smile when I saw the profile of the baby on the screen. Hello there, little champ. We meet again.

You could clearly see a form of a human baby. It had hands and fingers and feet and toes. It moves, it kicks and it could even wiggle its fingers and toes. Habang nakikita ko siyang lumalaki and every doctor’s visit I get more and more excited. I couldn’t wait for the day I’d be able to hold the baby in my arms.

“The baby’s 20 weeks and 4 days old.” The doctor said as she measured it on the computer. “The fetus is in good shape, everything looks normal.”

She turned on the volume so we could hear the baby’s heartbeat. The rapid galloping of the heartbeat on the screen said it was beating 140 beats a minute.

“Doc, makikita na ba natin ang gender ng baby?” Marian excitedly asked.

“We’ll see.” The doctor moved the receiver around then her hand went still.

“OH! Looks like the baby has three legs.”

“Three legs?” Marian’s eyes widened in worry. “Doc, kala ko ba normal ang baby ko?”

The doctor laughed. “What I meant to say is that it’s a male. You’re going to have a baby boy, Marian. A little boy that’s going to be handsome just like his daddy.” The doctor said looking at me.

My heart felt like it skipped a beat. My mouth went dry and I could feel tears welling behind my eyes. Words failed to convey how I felt at that time. Finding out the baby’s gender stirred something inside me. All of a sudden I couldn’t wait for the rest of her pregnancy to pass quickly so I could hold him. Our Pio Timothy.

I thought of softball games, water gun fights, boy scouts and all the things we would do together.

I bowed my head, pasimple kong pinahid ang nangingilid na luha ko. I had never felt this way. Ever. And I never thought it was possible to love someone you haven’t met yet.

“Seth, did you hear that? It’s a boy.” Marian excitedly said.

“Huh? Uh, yeah…” I said, sniffling a bit. “Yeah, a boy.”

Her hand reached up to touch my cheek. I was forced to look up at her. Marian smiled at me, the sweetest smile I’d ever seen on anyone. I was overwhelmed with emotions that I couldn’t quite identify. That was all it took. I leaned my head down and kissed her on the lips. Napasinghap siya. Her lips parted in surprise and I took advantage of that. Softly, I suckled on her bottom lip. I could feel her body relaxing as she answered my kiss back.

We were pulled back to reality when the doctor spoke again. We immediately pulled away.

“First time parents are always fun to watch.” She said, smiling. “The love and excitement you both have are contagious.”

I saw how Marian’s face turned bright red. Nag-iwas siya ng tingin sa doktor. I took her hand and squeezed it.

Marian’s POV

Hanggang ngayon nalalasahan ko pa rin sa mga labi ko ang labi niya. I could still feel the tingle on my lips from his kiss. Pinihit ko ang ulo ko sa kanya at tinitigan siya habang nagdadrive. He took a quick gaze and smiled before turning his attention back to the road.

Hindi namin pinag-usapan ang tungkol sa halik na nangyari kanina sa clinic kahit nung kumakain kami sa restaurant kanina. I guess we unconciously wanted to save each other from the awkwardness but wasn’t this already awkward? We were trying to act like nothing had happened but it wasn’t working. Nangyari ang halik na iyon at pareho namin alam iyon.

He pulled up in front of the house. Binuksan ko ang pinto ng kotse at naglakad papasok sa bahay. A few moments later, nasa loob na din siya ng bahay. I tried to keep myself busy to avoid him and the awkwardness between us. Nagsimula akong magwalis ng sahig.

“Marian.” I almost jumped when I heard his voice behind me.

“Bakit?”

“Are you okay?”

“Oo naman.” Sinubukan kong maging kaswal.

He sighed. “Are we okay then?”

“Oo, bakit naman hindi?”

“Because of the kiss.” Sabi niya.

“Kalimutan na lang natin—”

“No, we can’t act like nothing happened. We can’t keep on doing this.” Matigas na sabi niya. “Remember the time I took you to the club? Remember the bodyshot? Remember the kiss? You do remember that, don’t you?”

I paused. Of course, I did remember it. Nagkunwari lang ako noon na lasing na lasing ako kaya hindi ko matandaan.

“What the hell are we exactly doing?” He said, frustratedly running his hair through his fingers. “Why are we pretending? Did you regret the kiss, Marian? I know I didn’t.”

I slowly shook my head.

His arms circled around my waist. Tinitigan niya ako sa mga mata. I felt like the whole world had disappeared and there was only us. May iba sa mga mata niya ngayon. His eyes were burning with something I couldn’t read.

“Then prove it to me. Halikan mo ako.” He said in a husky tone.

Napalunok ako. I felt like eve being tempted into eating an apple. And just like Eve I gave into temptation. I leaned over, letting my lips brush against his. Alam kong hindi lang halik ang gusto niya. Hinihintay niya lang na ako ang magsimula. The kiss was just a go signal.

Babae lang ako, marupok at natutukso din.

He kissed me back with so much intensity. I felt his tongue brushing in between my lips, seeking entrance. I opened my mouth for him and it was all the invitation he needed. A moan escaped my throat and I could tell he was smirking from my reaction.

Maingat na pinangko niya ako at dinala sa kwarto namin. Hiniga niya ako sa kama at naghiwalay ang mga labi namin. He rested his forehead against mine and we looked into each others eyes. I wanted this… and I wanted more…

Pakiramdam ko nagliliyab ang buong katawan ko. My whole body trembled as his hand gently touched my cheek. My heart was beating so loud and fast I could hear it in my ears. His hand trailed down my jaw, to my neck and to the button of my blouse. My breath hitched as he undid the first button. Isa isa niyang tinanggal butones ng pang-itaas ko hanggang sa tuluyan ng bumukas iyon. His eyes lowered to my body. He gently carressed my protuding belly. Bumaba ang ulo niya sa tiyan ko at binigyan iyon ng maliliit na halik, pataas sa pagitan ng dibdib ko. My skin felt so sensitive. I was mesmerized by how intense every touch and kiss felt.

Nasa harap ang hook ng bra ko kaya hindi siya nahirapan tanggalin iyon. I gasped in surprise as I felt the cold air brushing against my nipples. My breasts were sensitive because of the pregnancy, that was bad enough. When he cupped his hand around my breast and he rubbed his thumb on my nipples my eyes rolled to the back of my head.

And when he took it in his mouth, I thought I was going to lose my mind. Sinuklay ko ang mga daliri ko sa buhok niya at ipinikit ang mga mata ko. These sensations were all new to me. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko tatanggapin ang lahat ng iyon. Lumipat ang mga labi niya sa kabilang dibdib ko habang naglalaro naman ang kamay niya sa isa pa.

Pagkatapos ng ilang sandali naramdaman kong bumaba ang kamay niya sa butones ng jeans na suot ko. He opened it effortlessly and slipped his hand in. Hinawakan niya ako doon. Naramdaman ko ang init ng palad niya. Napasinghap ako. I felt like electricity were running throughout my body and I was running out of breath. My eyes snapped open and the first thing I saw was the figurine of the Virgin Mary looking at me that was sitting on top of the mini altar I had in the corner of my bedroom.

Tinitignan niya ako na para bang pinanonood niya ang ginagawa ko. Tinulak ko si Seth palayo sa akin na para bang may nakahuli sa ginagawa namin. He lifted his head up, looking at me with brows furrowed.

“What’s wrong?” Tanong niya sa akin.

“Hindi tama ’to.” Mahinang sabi ko. “I… I can’t do this.”

Parang nanghihinang ibinagsak niya ang katawan sa tabi ko.

“Seth, I’m sorry.” Sabi ko.

Hindi siya kumibo. Maya-maya ay tahimik na tumayo siya mula sa kama at pumasok sa banyo. I felt the tears burn in my eyes. I’d ruined it, I’d wrecked everything between us.

Chapter Thirty Six

Seth’s POV

I stood under the cold shower but it didn’t seem to do anything to me. I felt hot… but not with passion. I was hot with anger. It surprised me how much restraint I was capable of because it took a lot not to punch the wall in front of me.

The frustration, the anger, the hurt… they were all bubbling up inside me.

How could she let another man touch her, screw her, and even come inside her? But with me, ‘it wasn’t right’ and she ‘couldn’t do it’? Ano bang meron sa ibang lalaki na wala sa akin? Was it the way he held her, he kissed, or touched her, he whispered sweet nothings to her? Well where the fuck was he now when she needed her most?

Was he there when she had her head in the toilet bowl while she vomits her guts out? Was he there when she was being moody and cranky and emotional? Nandoon ba siya noong kinailangan niyang mamili ng mga gamit para sa bata o ayusin ang nursery room? Was he there to see the changes in her body or see the baby grow inside her?

Ako ang nandoon para kay Marian at sa bata. The love I had for the both of them was pure and unconditional. I wasn’t expecting anything in return. But damn, she bruised my ego. Bakit hindi niya kayang ibigay ang sarili niya sa akin? Was I not good enough for her?

I got out of the shower and dried myself off. I put on a pair of jeans and a polo shirt. When I walked into the room, she was still on the bed. She turned her head to me and I looked away, avoiding her gaze. I didn’t want her to see the hurt I knew I had in my eyes.

“I’m going out.” I tried to sound as casual as I could.

She sat up. “Saan ka pupunta?”

“I’m going to get myself a drink.” I shrugged, walking towards the door.

“Seth.” She called in a low, sad tone that almost broke my heart. “Babalik ka pa ba?”

I took in a deep breath and exhaled in an attempt to ease the heaviness in my chest. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”

Hindi ko sila kayang iwan. I was hurt but I couldn’t leave Marian and the baby. I just needed to get away right now. I needed some time to think and cool down.

I hadn’t been in a club for some weeks now. I was greeted by the blasting music as I walked in. That was what I liked about nightclubs. The music’s so loud you can’t hear yourself think, all you can do was feel every beat run through your body. The ambient light was low, much of it black light. Strobes burst and flash in time to the music.

I didn’t want to think tonight. Not about Marian or what happened earlier. I went straight to the bar, got myself a strong drink and squeezed into the crowd of people dancing. It didn’t take long for me to find a dance partner. A woman started dancing in front of me.

“Hi.” She smiled with her red stained lips.

“Hey.” I smiled back at her before taking another sip from my glass.

“You come here often?” She asked, a teasing glint in her eyes.

“Occasionally.” I answered.

“Are you with someone?”

“No, I’m alone.”

“Now, you’re not.” She giggled, wrapping her arms around my neck. We danced, grinding and teasing, with glasses of alcohols in our hands as we drank. This was what I needed right now. Just some mindless fun with some random girl to keep me from thinking about Marian. Her name was Daphney and that was all I knew and all I needed to know about her. After this night, we wouldn’t be seeing each other again.

After a couple of drinks, we got touchy-feely on the dancefloor. I started rubbing my hands up and down the sides of her body. She started kissing me on the neck. Small, butterfly kisses. Her tongue glided across my neck and up to my jawline. Umakyat ang halik niya sa pisngi ko. She was kissing me on the corner of lips and when it was about to touch my lips, it was as if I had woke back into my senses. This all felt wrong. I flinched, pulling away from her.

“Seth?”

“I’m sorry.” I shook my head.

“Bakit?” She tried to pull me back into her arms. Lalo akong napaurong palayo sa kanya.

“I’m… I’m married.” I said.

She chuckled. “I don’t care. We’re just here to have fun.” She tried to grab me. Umiwas ako.

“My wife’s pregnant. We’re having a baby and I… I shouldn’t be doing this.” I sighed. Marian wasn’t my wife and the baby she was carrying wasn’t mine. But why was I feeling guilty? I felt like I was cheating on her.

Marian’s POV

Buong gabi kong hinintay si Seth. Sabi niya naman kasi babalik siya. It was already two in the morning. My eyelids were heavy and so was my heart. Hinaplos ko ang tiyan ko ng makaramdam ako ng mahinang sipa. I had been sitting next to the window for hours, waiting for Seth. The baby was probably starting to feel uncomfortable with me being in the same position for hours.

“Sandali na lang, Pio ha? Sigurado akong pauwi na ang daddy. Sabi niya babalik siya.” I said as I stroke my belly. I often talk to my baby. Sabi nila nakakarinig na daw ang baby kahit nasa tiyan pa lang. Seth talks to the baby too, lalo na kapag matutulog na kami.

After a couple of minutes, I saw him parking his car on the driveway. Bumaba siya mula sa kotse niya at pumasok sa loob ng bahay. Sinalubong ko siya sa pinto. He smelled heavily of alcohol and a woman’s perfume. Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig ng lapitan ko siya. May kasama siyang babae kanina?

“Why are you still awake?” Malamig ang tonong tanong niya.

“Hinihintay kita.” I answered.

“You shouldn’t have waited for me. Ano’ng oras na? Hindi ka dapat nagpupuyat.”

“Saan ka galing?”

“I went out for a drink just like what I told you.”

“Sino kasama mo?” Sinubukan kong pigilin ang selos sa boses ko.

“I’m tired, Marian. Bukas na tayo mag-usap.” He said walking passed me.

Pumasok siya sa kwarto at sinundan ko siya sa loob. How could he? Pagkatapos ng nangyari kanina sa amin, naghanap na agad siya ng babae para tapusin ang nasimulan namin?

“No, I want to talk now.” Mariin na sabi ko.

“And I don’t. I told you I’m tired and I just want to go to sleep, okay?” He said, taking off his polo shirt. Dinampot niya ang unan mula sa kama at lumabas na. Iniwan niya akong mag-isa sa loob ng kwarto.

I took in a deep breath, trying to keep the tears at bay. Wala naman akong karapatan masakit pero masakit talaga. Parang pinipiga ang dibdib ko sa sakit.

Nang humiga ako sa kama hindi ko na napigilan ang maiyak. I could feel his absence. I could feel the coldness in bed because it was him who makes me feel warm. Seth was not there… He always sleeps on the left side…

A part of me regretted not giving in to what he (or what we both) wanted. Hindi pa talaga ako handa. I wasn’t expecting it. My body said yes but my morality said no.

Another part of me was mad. Yun lang ba talaga ang mahalaga sa kanya? Sex? And when I couldn’t give it to him, hinanap niya sa ibang babae? All in a span of one night. Wow. Sana man lang pinalipas niya muna ang gabing ito bago siya may ikinama na ibang babae. Siguro nga walang halaga sa kanya ang nangyari sa amin kanina. Those touch, those kisses, all those meant nothing to him. Isa lang ako sa mga babaeng nahawakan at nahalikan niya.

What was I expecting from Seth?

Chapter Thirty Seven

Marian’s POV

Simula nang gabing iyon hindi na kami nagtabi ni Seth. He sleeps on the couch. We barely see each other and we don’t talk. Nasa iisang bubong kami sa loob ng isang maliit na bahay at nag-iiwasan kami. We don’t even have breakfast together anymore. Paggising niya, magshoshower lang siya tapos aalis na. He always comes home late. He doesn’t have dinner with me. Umuuwi lang siya dito para matulog.

Gusto ko siyang makausap, gusto kong ayusin namin ito pero wala akong lakas ng loob at ’di ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong sabihin. Magsosorry ba ako dahil hindi natuloy ang nangyari sa amin? Should I be apologizing for that? Magtatanong ba ako kung saan siya ng galing noong gabing iyon? Kung may babae ba siyang kasama noong gabing iyon? May karapatan ba akong magtanong?

Days turned into weeks of us not talking. Nahihirapan na ako sa sitwasyon namin. I couldn’t stand us ignoring each other, I couldn’t stand the heavy silence between us. It was driving me crazy. Minsan may mga bagay akong gustong ishare sa kanya na hindi ko magawa dahil di kami nagpapansinan. Katulad ng pagsipa ng baby. He’d always loved feeling the baby kick. Pio was becoming more and more active. Dati parang kiliti lang kapag gumagalaw siya sa loob ko pero ngayon halos hindi ako makatulog sa kakagalaw niya.

Wala akong lakas ng loob na kausapin siya. I didn’t know if it was about pride or I was just being plain stubborn. Naghihintay ako na siya ang lumapit sa akin pero mukhang hindi mangyayari iyon. Hinihintay niya rin kayang ako ang lumapit sa kanya?

I tucked some lose strands of hair behind my ear as I looked at myself in front of the full length mirror. He was almost six months now, bilog na bilog na ang tiyan ko. Three more months and I’d have him in my arms.

Ngayon ang araw ng baby shower na pinlano ng mga kaibigan ko para sa akin. Hindi ko man lang masabi iyon kay Seth. It made me kind of sad. Hindi ko makwento kung gaano ako ka-excited. I forced a smile. I made a mental note to myself that today I’d be happy, I wouldn’t worry about anything. Today was about the baby, not the baby’s father or anything else. Ang problema sa bahay, iiwan ko sa bahay.

The baby shower was held at Andrea’s cousin’s restaurant. It wasn’t anything fancy, it was a casual atmosphere. Mga malalapit na kaibigan lang namin ang inimbitahan nila. They decorated the whole restaurant with blue balloons, blue ribbons, blue everything. We played some baby games and we ate after that. I really had fun.

“It looks bigger than the last time we saw each other. Last week lang yun.” Sabi ni Andrea habang nakatingin sa tiyan ko.

“He’s growing up really fast. Ang likot-likot na nga eh.” Natatawang sabi ko.

“Alam mo hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin ako makapaniwalang magkakababy ka na.” Sabi sa akin ni Rose habang kumakain kami. “Akala ko talaga tatanda kang dalaga.”

“Dalaga pa din naman ako ah. Single mom.” Pinilit kong ngumiti.

“Wala ka bang balak bigyan ng daddy ang baby mo?” Tanong ni Gemma, Betsy’s husband’s sister.

Umiling ako at hinaplos ang tiyan ko. “I’m not lucky with men, Isang lalaki na lang ang mamahalin ko. Ang baby ko.”

“Nasaan ba ang daddy ng baby? Is he completely out of the picture?” Sandra, my college friend, asked.

“Not completely.” Maikling sagot ko. Almost?

I bit my bottom lip. Paano kung isang araw bigla na ngang mawala si Seth? I shook the thought away. No sad thoughts today.

“May communication kayo?” Betsy’s eyes widened.

“Sort of.” Kibit-balikat na sagot ko. If walking passed by each other and avoiding each other is called a communication.

“Sakit ng ulo lang yan mga lalaking yan.” Dianne frowned. She caught her husband cheating on her at ngayon ay magkahiwalay na sila. “The only good thing I got out of my marriage was my kids. Men are like badly trained dogs. They’d pee on the sofa if you let them.”

“Ay, ang bitter mo te.” Natatawang sabi ni Andrea. “Huwag niyo naman idiscourage si Marian. I’m sure, hindi ka man sinwerte sa daddy ng baby mo, may lalaking nakalaan para sa’yo. Whatever God has for you is for you.”

“Si Seth. Hindi ba nandyan naman siya palagi para sa’yo?” Nakangising sabi ni Rose. “And he’s really good-looking.”

“Magkaibigan lang kami ni Seth. Nagmamalasakit lang yung tao.” I rolled my eyes at her.

They were teasing me about Seth when someone knocked on the glass door of the restaurant.

“Hindi ba nila nabasa ang sign?” Andrea sighed and rolled her eyes before getting up and answering the door.

“Closed ang restaurant ngayon. Balik na lang po kayo sa ibang araw.” Sabi ni Andrea.

“May delivery lang po kami para kay miss Marian Faith Perez.” Narinig kong sabi ng lalaki. Napatayo ako sa kinauupuan ko at lumapit sa kanila.

“Ako yun.” Sabi ko. This was the second time I’d ever been in this restaurant. Sino naman ang magpapadeliver dito sa pangalan ko? Maybe it was a surprise set up by my friends. Baka naghire sila ng macho dance, tapos papasok si Channing Tatum at magsasayaw dito. Sandali, hindi ba dapat sa bachelorette’s party iyon?

“Pasign na lang dito para mareceive niyo.” The man handed me a paper and I signed it.

Pagkasign ko tumalikod ang lalaki at binuksan ang likod ng maliit na truck na nakaparada sa labas ng restaurant. I was expecting Channing Tatum in his boxers to jump out of it. Hindi nangyari iyon but I wasn’t disappointed. Nilabas ng delivery guy at ng kasama pa niyang isang lalaki ang mga basket ng bulaklak. Iba’t ibang kulay at klase. They were carrying two baskets each at the same time. Pinasok nila ang mga iyon sa loob ng restaurant. Pagkatapos ay bumalik na naman sila sa truck para kumuha pa. I thought it would never end/ Halos mapuno na ang restaurant ng mga bulaklak ng matapos sila.

You know that flower scene in the movie The Great Gatsby? That was how the restaurant looked now. It was so beautiful. Ilang segundo na mula ng makaalis ang mga lalaking nagdeliver at wala pa rin nagsasalita sa amin. We were all in awe.

“Thank you. Ang gaganda ng mga bulaklak. This is such a beautiful surprise.” I finally broke the silence.

Nagpalit-palit sila ng mga tingin. They all looked confused.

“Hindi kami ang nagpadeliver niyan.” Sabi ni Andrea.

“Eh sino?” My brows furrowed.

“Oh my god! Baka may secret admirer ka.” Rose said.

“Rose, ang laki-laki na ng tiyan ko tsaka pa ko nagkasecret admirer.” I laughed.

“Maybe it’s from the baby’s father.” Sabi ni Dianne.

Seth? Could it possibly be him? Pero paano niya nalaman? We don’t even talk.

Napalingon kami sa pinto ng restaurant nang bumukas iyon. He popped his head in, wearing a sweet smile on his face. My heart skipped a beat when I saw him. Nakasuot siya ng button down shirt at nakaroll ang sleeves hanggang sa siko. He obviously just got out of work. This was better than Channing Tatum coming in in his boxers.

“Hey.” He said. “I hope the party’s not over yet.”

“Seth what a surprise!” Rose squealed. “Pasok ka. Hindi pa tapos ang party. We were just talking about you.”

“You were?” He grinned before gazing at me.

“Sorry for crashing into your party. I just thought I’d drop by. Nagustuhan mo ba ang mga bulaklak?” Tanong niya.

“Ha?” Napakurap ako. Was he talking to me? Did he just talked to me? “Ah, oo. Maganda.”

“Did you like it?” He asked.

“Oo naman.” Sagot ka.

“Eh ikaw, Seth, do you like her?” Andrea teasingly asked.

“Andrea!” Saway ko sa kaibigan ko.

Seth just answered with a chuckle.

“Kain ka muna, Seth.” I said, changing the topic. I felt so embarrassed. “May spaghetti d’yan, may pizza.”

“Magaling ka ba sa mga baby?” Tanong ni Betsy.

“Yeah, I guess. I’d been practicing for years. I mean it’s not tested yet but I would be disappointed if I found out I was shooting blanks.” He jokingly said.

Oh believe me, you weren’t.

“Ano naman ang opinyon mo sa mga single moms na katulad ni Marian?” Rose asked.

I rolled my eyes at them.

“I admire them. It’s not easy to carry and raise a child alone. It’s just that some of them doesn’t know where to draw the line between independence and stubborness.” He said giving me a sideway glance.

“Do you see yourself dating a single mom?” Tanong naman ni Andrea.

“Of course. if you really love the person, it wouldn’t really matter.”

“Kaya mong akuin ang batang hindi sa’yo? Kaya mong magpaka-ama sa batang hindi mo laman at dugo.” Betsy asked in her interoggating voice.

“They say blood is thicker than water. But I say the body already has all the blood it need. You’ll always need water. If the child needs a father, then I’d gladly be one for him.” He answered.

“Tama na yan. Kumain na lang tayo, okay?” I said, cutting into there conversation. There topic was making me uncomfortable.

We ended the baby shower by opening the presents they gave to me. Betsy got me some baby bottles, Andrea’s gift were baby clothes, and Rose’s gift were some toys for the baby. Nakatanggap din ako ng baby books, neck pillows at iba’t ibang gamit para sa baby galing sa iba ko pang mga kaibigan.

Seth and I went home after that. I hadn’t heard a word from him since we left the party. Balik na naman ba kami sa dati? Hindi na naman ba kami magpapansinan.

He pulled up on the driveway. I quietly got out of the car and went in.

“Marian.” Narinig kong tawag niya sa akin ng papasok na ako sa kwarto. “I have another gift for you.”

“Ano yun?”

“Come sit with me.” He said and he sat on the couch with a box wrapped in blue wrappers and ribbon in his hand.

Lumapit ako sa kanya at umupo sa tabi niya.

He handed the box to me. I took it from him. Tinitigan niya ako na parang hinihintay na buksan ko iyon. I opened it.

“Bellybuds?” I read the text on the box.

“Yeah, so he could listen to some music while he’s in there. And we can even talk to him.” He said with a wide smile on his face as he looked at my stomach. “Let’s try it out.”

He excitedly opened the box. He asked me to lift my shirt up a bit at idinikit sa tiyan ko ang dalawang bilog na bagay na parang earphone. At the other of it, he attached the small microphone that he took out from the box.

He sat on the floor by my feet.

“Hi baby Pio.” He started talking through the microphone. Nang magsalita siya naramdaman kong gumalaw ang baby. It felt like it somersaulted in my stomach. I smiled. Namiss niya siguro ang boses ng daddy niya. “We’re so excited to meet you. You aren’t even born yet but your world is filled with so much love for you. Your mother loves you so much, I want you to be like her. I want you to have her strong will and her good heart. But I have to warn you she nags alot and she’s an obsessive compulsive clean freak. Sana hindi mo makuha iyon sa kanya. And I love you. I promise that even now I love you so much and I will forever learn to love you more. I only ask one thing. Love yourself as much as we already love you. Know that I will love you whatever it is that you become. Life won’t always be good. You will go through tough times but you will also go through happy times. Wait for the happy times because they are worth it. If they seem to not come, look for them. Try new things, go on adventures. No matter what you go through we’ll always be here for you. I want you to know about God and the universe. Your mother will teach that, she knows a lot about that. Understand that there is something greater than all of us here. It will give you hope. We look forward to watching you grow into the great person you are meant to. We’ll be waiting to meet you.”

I couldn’t stop my tears. I was crying and sobbing when he finished. I felt the love he had for our son. I felt it with his words and I was touched.

“Hey.” He said as he looked up at me. “Why are you crying?”

“Pregnancy hormones.” Dahilan ko habang pinapahid ang luha ko.

He chuckled, sitting next to me and pulling me to him. I rested his head on his chest.

“Akala ko hindi na tayo mag-uusap.” I sobbed.

“Matitiis ba kita?” He playfully squeezed my nose.

Chapter Thirty Eight

Marian’s POV

“Hey.” Pumasok si Seth sa loob ng flowershop habang nag-aarrange ako ng mga bulaklak. He walked up to me and wrapped an arm around my waist while his other one stroke my belly. He drops by to the shop everytime he gets off work so we could go home together. “How was your day? How was the little one?”

“Okay naman. Medyo mabagal lang ang benta ngayon. Thankfully, wala masyadong customers. Wala masyadong ginagawa. Kanina pa sumasakit ang balakang ko. Ang bigat bigat na kasi ng baby, galaw pa ng galaw.”

“He really like playing in there, huh?” Ngisi niya sa akin. “Sabi ko naman sa’yo huwag ka na munang pumunta dito sa shop. Hire another staff to help Flor out. You don’t have to worry about the salary, I’ll pay for it.”

“Ano naman ang gagawin ko? Mabobored lang ako sa bahay. Mas magandang may pinagkakaabalahan ako.” I said.

“I’m just worried about you and the baby. You’re almost seven months pregnant. You should be resting at home.”

“Hindi ako sanay na walang ginagawa at saka hindi naman mabigat ang trabaho dito.”

“Pagbibigyan kita ngayon but on the eight month, you’d have to stay home okay?”

“Okay.” I half heartedly said.

“You promise?” His brow arched up.

“Pero bibisitahin ko pa rin ang shop. Mga thrice a week.”

“Twice.” He said.

I sighed. “Okay, twice.”

“Don’t be hard-headed it’s for your sake and the baby’s.” He grinned. “Kumain tayo sa labas ngayon. Where do you want to eat?”

“Anywhere with pasta is good to me.” Sagot ko.

We went to Seth’s favorite Italian restaurant and ordered food. I silently watched him as he was busy eating his food.

Alam kong mahal ni Seth ang baby namin. Ilang beses niyang nang sinabi iyon. I never doubted that. Hindi man niya alam, nararamdaman kong ramdam niya na sa kanya ito. Gusto kong sabihin sa kanya ang totoo pero palagi akong pinangungunahan ng takot.

I was scared he won’t believe me. I was scared he’d think I’m crazy. I was scared everything would change. I was scared he’d leave. I was scared of a lot of things. I was scared of taking the consequences of what i did.

Hindi ba maganda na ang ganito? Masaya naman na kami ngayon. We were both already happy and I didn’t want to ruin it. Hindi ba nga sabi nila, what you don’t know won’t hurt you? I knew I was being selfish but I couldn’t help it. I was scared of losing him.

“Why aren’t you touching your food?” Tanong niya ng tumingin siya sa akin.

Napakurap ako. “Seth, may tatanong ako sa’yo?”

“Go ahead.”

“Paano kapag nalaman mong may kinuha ang kaibigan mo sa’yong isang mahalagang bagay na hindi mo alam. Magagalit ka ba?”

“What did you do?” His eyes narrowed at me.

“W-wala.” I shook my head. “I just have this friend who stole something from a friend. Hiningingi niya ang advice ko pero wala naman akong maibigay sa kanya.”

“Hell I’d be really angry. I’d feel betrayed.”

“Would you ever be friends with that person again?”

“No! How can you be friends with someone you don’t trust anymore?” Sabi niya. “Sana lumapit na lang siya sa akin at hiningi iyon kaysa kunin niya ng di ko alam.”

And I got the answer I needed.

Seth’s POV

“Hmm…” The doctor had a quizzical look on her face as she was looking at the monitor and moving the ultrasound receiver over Marian’s stomach. Her reaction alarmed me.

“Is something wrong, doc?” I worriedly asked.

“Wala naman. It’s just that she’s almost on her thirtieth week but the baby’s still breech.” Sabi ng doktor.

“Breech?” I gave her a confused look.

“Yes, breech. Dahil mabigat na ang ulo ng baby ang tendecy, umiikot na siya. Normally at five to seven months the baby’s head should be at the lower side of the uterus. Dapat ang una ang ulo pero nakikita mo ba itong nasa screen, naka posisyon pa din sa taas ang ulo niya.”

“Is that bad?” I asked.

“Some baby’s turn head down at the very last week of pregnancy.” She smiled. “Don’t worry, it’s not something you should be scared about.”

“At paano kung hindi siya umikot? Ano’ng mangyayari sa baby?” I could feel Marian’s anxiety and worry through her voice. The same feelings I felt at that time.

“Well, it will be unsafe for the baby. There will be some risk if delivered normally, he would more likely be injured. As you can see, the baby’s feet is pointing downards, it’s what we call the footling breech. Mas delikado ang posisyon niya kaysa sa ibang posisyon.”

I saw how Marian’s face pale at what the doctor said. I felt like energy had been drained out of my body. I would literally kill if something bad happens to our Pio.

“Huwag niyo munang alalahanin iyon. Mahaba pa ang panahon. We still have a lot of time. Maghintay na lang tayo.”

“Ano po bang pwede namin gawin?” Marian asked.

“There’s not much we can do. Wala tayong kontrol sa bagay na ’yan. If next visit and the baby’s still breech, you can opt for a cesarean section. It’s safer for the baby.”

“C-section? They’re going to slice her stomach open?” My eyes widened.

“Kung iyon ang kinakailangan para malabas kong ligtas ang baby ko, then I would do it.” Sabi ni Marian.

Marian’s spirit had been down since the doctor’s check up this morning. She had been really quiet. I knew she was thinking about the baby. I was a bit worried for the baby too but I didn’t to show it to her. I had already researched about breech births on the computer. With the help of technology, hindi na ganon kakomplikado at kadelikado iyon. Normal birth would be a bit risky so a c-sec would a better choice.

She was quietly sitting on the side of the bed and I sat next to her. I took her hand in mine. Her eyes averted from the blank wall to me and she forced a smile.

“It’s going to be alright. Don’t think too much about it. Sabi nga ng doctor, we still have a lot of time.” I said.

“I don’t want anything bad to happen to my baby.”

“Nothing bad’s going to happen to him. I won’t let it.” I said.

“I’m scared.” Her voice quivered.

“Don’t be. I’m here for you.”

“Salamat, Seth. Hindi mo ako iniwan.” She gave me a slight smile. “You’ve always been there for me and my baby.”

“I won’t leave you both.”

“I’m scared but at the same time I’m excited. Ilang buwan na lang mahahawakan ko na siya. Maririnig ko na ang iyak niya. Makikita ko na siya.” She rested her head on my shoulder and yawned.

“I’m as excited as you are. What do you think he’d look like? I hope he’d look like you.”

“I wouldn’t mind him looking like his daddy.” She said in a sleepy tone.

“No, I think he’d look more like you.” I said, trying to mask my annoyance. I wouldn’t want the baby looking like his idiot father. I love the kid but I couldn’t shake off the jealousy I had for his father. “He’d be a beautiful baby.”

“He will.” Marian agreed and then she flinched. “OH!”

“He’s moving again?” I asked.

She took my hand and rested it over her round belly. I felt him moving under my hand. I’d felt him a lot of times before but it still never fails to awe me everytime.

“Hey baby, kailangan mong umikot. Don’t give your mommy a hard time. If you don’t turn, they’d have to slice her stomach open to get you out of there.” I said.

“Seth!” She lifted her head up. “You’re not helping! Lalo mo akong tinatakot!”

I chuckled. “Sorry.”

I love Marian and the baby. I wanted to raise the child with her. I wanted us to stay together. I wanted us to be a family. I could already picture our family in my mind. A few more weeks and Pio would finally be here with us. The nursery room was ready for him. 

But I was afraid to tell her. I was afraid if we start anything else, we’d ruin what we already have.

Chapter Thirty Nine

Seth’s POV

Four more weeks and we’d have a little baby in the house. But for now, I resolve to relax and enjoy our last days together, just Marian and I. I admit I was getting more and more anxious as the days and weeks went by. The baby was all that’s in my mind. I knew a lot of things would change once the kid arrives. It wouldn’t be just me and Marian anymore, there would be Marian, Pio and I. I thought of milk, changing diapers, and alot of sleepless nights.

I’d heard from my friends that having a child isn’t easy but it’s worth it. I was both scared and excited. For the past few days so many thoughts began to run through my mind. What if he doesn’t like me? What if I screw it up? Are we going to tell him that I’m not his biological father? Will he want to meet his real father someday? Will he love his real father more?

I didn’t know how we’d be like once the baby comes. Ano’ng itatawag sa akin ng bata? Daddy, Tito, Seth? Would he just know me as his mother’s friend?

Marami kaming kailangan pag-usapan ni Marian bago dumating si Pio. I wanted everything already fixed once he comes out. I wanted him to have a complete family that he deserves. A mother who’d take care of him and a father at his side to guide him through the growing up process.

My head turned when the door to the bathroom opened. Marian walked out of it in her pajamas and slid next to me in bed.

“Kanina pa sumasakit ang balakang ko.” She complained.

My brows furrows. “Why didn’t you tell me? Do you want to go to the doctor?”

“No. Ngawit lang ’to. Ang dami kasing customer sa shop kanina, buong araw akong nakatayo.” She said.

“You should be staying at home. Hindi ka na dapat pumupunta sa shop. You’re on your last month, Marian! Ang tigas talaga ng ulo mo. Paano kung mapaanak ka pa doon?”

“Nabored kasi ako kanina kaya dumaan ako sa shop. Tinulungan ko na sina Flor dahil madami talagang tao kanina.”

“Please, don’t do it again, okay?” I sighed.

“Okay po.” She rolled her eyes, smiling.

I reached down to stroke her round belly, “You’re mother’s a hard headed woman, isn’t she? Kaya pati ikaw napapagod.”

“Hindi naman siya napapagod. He’s all cuddled up and comfy inside me.”

“If you’re constantly moving around, mapapagod talaga ang bata.” I snickered. “Ilang linggo na lang lalabas na si Pio, hindi ka pa rin mapirmi sa bahay.”

Her smile disappeared, her face more serious. “Natatakot ako. Sa tingin mo, umikot na siya?”

“We’d find out on your next appointment.” I answered.

“What will happen after he comes out?” She bit her bottom lip.

“I’ve asked myself the same question. Ano na mangyayari sa atin?”

“Sa atin?”

“Yeah, sa atin. We need to talk about us. How will you introduce me to your son? Are you going to tell him we’re just friends?”

“I-I’ve never thought about that.” She said, avoiding my gaze.

“I want him to have a family, Marian. I want to be a father to him.”

“Seth…” Her eyes shot up at me.

“Didn’t I make that clear when I moved in with you?”

Tears began to form in the corners of her eyes.

“Marian, don’t you want Pio to have a complete family? You owe him that. I’ll treat him as my own child.”

“I— I don’t know.” She started shaking her head. “Paano pag dumating yung panahon na mabored ka na o makahanap ka ng iba? Ayaw kong masaktan ang bata kapag umalis ka.”

“I stayed with you all throughout your pregnancy and you’re thinking I’d walk out on you?” I said, exasperated.

“You’ve done so much for us, Seth. You don’t have to feel obligated to take care of us. You have your own life to live and I understand that. Hindi sa amin umiikot ang mundo mo.”

“Pero sa inyo na umiikot ang mundo ko. You and the baby are my life now.” I said with an exhale. My heart was beating so fast I could feel it trying to thump its way out of my chest. “Don’t you get it, Marian? Ginagawa ko ito dahil mahal kita, kayo ni Pio?”

Marian gasped, covering her mouth with her hand as she tried to surpress a sob.

“I know I’m not the guy you’ve prayed and asked for. I’m not even close to your ideal guy. I know I can sometimes be an asshole. I was careless, I was impulsive, I had no direction in life. I thought I knew what I wanted before. All those times, I thought I wanted to be free but then you came and so did the baby. I never knew what I was missing until you both came into my life. The life I wanted wasn’t as nearly as good as the life I have with you now. I may not be a perfect guy but I promise, I’d do everything to be a perfect father to Pio.”

“Oh my god, Seth…” She sobbed, tearing flowing down her cheeks.

“Please, give me a chance.” I said, almost begging her. “I love you so much, you and the baby. I can’t even imagine a life without you anymore.” I cupped her face, wiping away her tears with my thumb and forcing her to look at me. “Look at me, Marian. Don’t you feel anything for me?”

“I love you, Seth.” She said. A big smile spread across my face as I let out a huff of relief. “Mahal din kita.”

I kissed her on the forehead and pulled her into a hug. My head bent down to give her a kiss on the lips, she wrapped her arms around my neck.

“Seth…” She murmured against my lips, pushing me away. “Seth, I think I just peed… Oh my god!” Napahawak siya sa tiyan niya. “I’m leaking.”

“What?”

She looked down and my eyes followed her gaze. There was a small wet spot in between her legs.

“This is so embarrassing. I’m sorry.” She said, she got out of bed and small streams of liquid trailed down her thighs. My eyes widened as I was looking at it. It was pink in color, like blood mixed in water.

“It’s not pee! You’re bleeding.” I said. I tried to remain calm and not freak the fuck out. I jumped out of bed and walked towards her.

“We need to go to the doctor.” Natatarantang sabi ko. “Masakit ba?”

“No, not really. It just feels like period cramps.”

“Bakit hindi mo sinabi sa akin?” I said in a controlled tone.

“Hindi naman kasi ganun kasakit. Akala ko nangawit lang ako kanina.” She said.

“Come on, we’re going to the hospital.” I said, wrapping an arm around her waist and guiding her to the door.

“Sandali lang, I’m just going to put on some pads. It’s not stopping.” She stopped and headed towards the bathroom door.

“Kaya mo pa ba?” I worriedly asked.

She nodded her head.

By the time we got to the hospital, she was leaking through the pad and she said the pain was escalating. My car stopped in front of the emergency and nurses came right away. They put her on wheelchair and I followed behind. She was admitted to the labor room.

I sat by her bed as she writhed in pain. The pain was getting worse and worse. Her doctor came in after a few minutes of waiting. They checked her, did some tests and after that she was injected with something that they said would stop her from bleeding.

My chest felt like it was being squeezed I watch what was happening. I felt helpless. I couldn’t do anything but sit there and watch.

“Her amniotic sac is raptured and she’s having contractions.” The doctor explained as we were talking outside the labor room. “We’ve injected her with some antibiotics and some drug that would help stop her bleeding but I don’t think it’s working.”

“Is the baby going to be fine, is she going to be fine?” I frantically asked. I combed my fingers through my hair in frustration. “She’s not supposed to give birth yet.”

“She’s having preterm labor without dilation. Dalawang ang problema natin, she’s not dilated and the baby’s breech.”

“Well, what can we do?”

“A ceasarian section would be the best choice. We can try to stop her labor but nothing’s working right now. Habang lalong tumatagal, they’d be more at risk with infections.”

I took in a deep breath to try to calm my nerves. Sinabi ko sa doktor na kailangan ko munang kausapin si Marian. Hindi ko pwedeng pagdisisyunan ito na ako lang mag-isa. I went back into the labor room and she was still in pain.

“Hey.” I said, tucking some loose strands of her behind her ear. “I’ve talked to the doctor.”

“Ano’ng sabi? Magiging okay ba ang baby?” Nag-aalalang tanong niya.

“Yeah, the baby’s okay. She said you’re having preterm labor and the baby is still breech.” I calmly said, trying to hide the turmoil I was feeling from her. I held her hand and kissed it, “They’ve tried everything and they couldn’t stop the labor. Pinakamaganda daw na option ang c-section. Do you want to do it?”

“I’ll do everything para mailabas ko siyang ligtas.” She said, getting teary eyed again.

I brought my hand to her cheek and stroked it with my thumb. “I would give everything to make sure you and the baby are safe.”

“Seth, I’m scared.” She whispered, her voice was shaking. 

“Me too.” I admitted.

Chapter Forty

Seth’s POV

“You’re going to be okay.” I said, carressing her cheek and pressing my forehead against her.

“I just want our baby safe.” She said. Our. That word felt so good to hear. It made me feel like I was a part of their family now. It was no longer my baby. It was our baby now.

“You’ll both be safe, all right?” I said, slightly pinching her cheek. “The baby will be out in no time. He’ll be healthy and strong.”

“He will.” She forced a smile.

“And he’ll be a handsome little man. I’m so excited to meet him.”

“I’m excited too.” She said in a low and slow voice. The general anesthesia they injected on her was starting to take effect. I kissed on the forehead and she shut her eyes.

“I love you.” I said.

“Love you too…” She said in a whisper, almost inaudible.

And at that brief second, she lost conciousness. The doctor’s asked me to leave the operating room. I waited in the hall outside the operating room. I couldn’t sit still. There I was, pacing back and forth and back and forth. The whole time I felt like my heart was sinking to the pit of my stomach. My chest was racing and I was shaking like a fucking leaf. I silently prayed and hoped that Marian and the baby would get out of the operating room safe.

I called everyone I could call. From my friends to my parents. I needed someone to talk to, I needed some moral support. I talked to them and asked for their advice. They were all telling me to stay calm. My mother was shocked as she never knew Marian had been pregnant.

Two hours had past, which to me felt like eternity, when the doctor finally came out of the operating room.

“How’s Marian?” I asked as soon as she stepped out of the operating room.

“The patient is still uncouncious, we’ll have to wait ’til the general anesthesia wears off.” She said. I was slightly relieved, like a weight had been lifted from my shoulder.

“Eh ang bata? Kamusta na?”

“It’s a baby boy. He was born at exactly 11:26 in the evening, weighing 5lbs and 3 ounces. And he’s a pretty big boy, malaki siya para sa isang premature baby.”

I exhaled, feeling all the weight rise off me. I swear I got kind of teary eyed. I was just so glad they were both safe.

“Pwede ko ba silang makita?” I asked.

“Marian’s in the recovery room, pwede mo siyang puntahan. Ang bata naman ay dinala sa NICU. He still needs to be incubated so we could regulate his temperature.”

“But he’ll be okay right?”

“They’re running a few tests on him right now. You have nothing to worry about, it’s just our protocol form premature babies.” The doctor smiled before turning and leaving.

I went into the recovery room where I found Marian lying on the bed in her hospital gown. She was still unconcious just as the doctor said. I took her hand and brought it to my lips.

“Our baby’s okay. The doctor said he’s a big boy. Sabi ko naman sa’yo, magiging okay kayo ng baby. I won’t let anything bad happen to the both of you.” I interwind our fingers together and leaned in to kiss her on the lips.

I stayed there for more than half an hour, just watching her sleep and waiting for her to wake up. While I was sitting by her bed, a nurse came up to me and told me their were people waiting for me outside. Agad akong tumayo at lumabas muna sa recovery room.

I saw my mother and my father standing there. Mother wore a deep frown on her face and Dad’s face was unreadable. I kind of regret calling them earlier.

“Why did you hide this from us?” Mom said in a serious tone. “Bakit ngayon lang namin ito nalaman?”

“You got someone pregnant and you never told us until now!” I could detect the anger in dad’s controlled voice. “Ni hindi mo kami binalaan na magkakaapo na kami.”

“It happened all too fast.” I said. They didn’t need to know he wasn’t my biological son. Nobody needs to know. Ako na ang ama ng bata ngayon.

“You had alot of time, Seth! Ilang buwan mong itinago sa amin ito!” Mom shrilled.

“I only asked one thing, Seth! I told you that can fool around all you want but I don’t want any bastard in our family. Didn’t I tell you to always use protection? Goddammit!”

“Ikaw kasi kung anu-anong itinuturo mo sa anak mo.” Mom said, hitting dad with her bag, thankfully turning her attention to dad.

“He’s old enough to make his own decisions, Liza. Hindi mo mapipigilan ’yan, lalaki ’yan.” Dad said.

I sighed. God, I shouldn’t have called them. I was already stressed out and drained from everything that had happened this night.

“Kumusta na nga pala si Marian?” Mom asked, her face softening.

“She’s inside, still unconcious but the doctor said she’ll be fine.” I answered.

“And the baby, is it a boy or a girl?” Dad asked.

“It’s a boy. Premature lang ng isang buwan pero malusog naman daw.”

“Oh dear.” Mom said, putting her hand over her chest. “I hope he’s okay. Can we see him?”

“He’s in the NICU. I still haven’t seen him myself but I’ll ask the doctor.”

We were given permission to go to the NICU where Pio was. The nurse took us there. My heart was thumping really loud with every step. I was finally going to see the baby. I had been dying to see him, I’d patiently waited for months for this day to come.

From the window of the NICU we could see a baby in an incubator wearing nothing but a diaper. He looked healthy, his skin was creamy and pinkish. My heart almost jumped from my chest the moment I saw him, even from a far. There was this strange feeling I couldn’t explain. The emotions I was feeling were so powerful and overwhelming that it almost made me cry.

There was a tube attached to his nose and some wires taped on his chest to monitor his heartbeat and respiration. That little guy was a fighter and I couldn’t be more proud of him.

Napasinghap ako. I tried to hold my tears back in as we were looking through the window. My dad gave me a pat on the back.

“I can’t believe this. You’re a father now.” He said.

“God, he looks just like you when you were little!” Mom exclaimed. “Para akong nakatingin sa picture mo noong baby ka pa.”

He looked just like me? That felt so good to hear. But then, don’t all babies look the same?

The nurse from inside opened the door and let us in. Mom excitedly went in, almost running to the incubator.

“Seth, look at him. He’s like a mini version of you.” She said, losing her composed state and squealing like a little girl.

Lumapit ako sa incubator. Every step I took added to the loud pounding of my heart.

“He does look like you.” My dad added as he stood next to my mother. His eyes were glowing in awe as he looked at the tiny baby. “He’s a handsome little lad.”

I stopped on the side of the incubator. He really was a handsome little boy. I’d always knew he’d be handsome. I watched the steady rising and falling of the baby’s chest for a moment. My heart felt like it wanted to burst out of my chest. But my mind still couldn’t quite absorb it.

“Can I touch him?” I asked the nurse.

Ngumiti ito at tumango.

I put my hands in the hole at side of the incubator. It felt warm in there. I touched his tiny fragile hand, the baby flinched in response. He grabbed one of my finger and wrapped his hand around it. I sucked in a breath. I couldn’t believe he was here, all flesh and bones.

“Hi little guy.” My voice was shaking as tears welled up my eyes. “I can’t believe I’m holding you right now. I’ve been waiting for this day to come. You scared me, did you know that? Don’t ever do that again. I promise, I’ll do my best to be a good father to you. My very best.”

He made little movements, as if he was stretching his arms and legs. I touched his little cheek. He slightly opened his eyes., and then he opened it a little wider for a brief instance before quickly closing it under the bright light. Nanlamig ang buong katawan ko sa nakita ko. It was as if someone had thrown a bucket full of ice on me. I was staring at pair of olive eyes, exactly the same ones as mine.

Chapter Forty One

Seth’s POV

How could that possibly happen? How could the baby look like me when nothing had ever happened between Marian and I? I don’t ever recall having sex with her. I wasn’t one of those guys who’d have drunk sex with a woman and I never drink beyond my capacity. Paanong magiging akin si Pio?

I felt chills down my spine when I saw the baby’s eyes. It was eerily similar to mine. I felt a certain pull towards that little boy. There was this feeling that he belongs to me, that he was a part of me.

Maybe it was just all in my head. Maybe I just wanted to be his father really bad that I was projecting what I wanted and not how it really was.

It was just a weird coincidence. The most logical explanation was that the biological father also had olive eyes. I had never seen Pio’s biological father and Marian and I had hardly talk about him.

I felt like my brain was itching with curiosity and I wanted to scratch it out of my head. I felt agitated beyond words. I couldn’t bear this annoying feeling in me.

Who the hell is the baby’s father?

I had never been curious about the baby’s until now. I wanted to know what kind of person he was, I wanted to know what he looked like. This curiosity was killing me.

“Kayo po ba ang ama ng bata?” One of the nurse came up to me as I was sitting on an armchair next to the incubator. Mom and Dad were up in the hospital suite with Marian and I decided to stay here with the baby.

“Yeah.” I answered.

“Gusto niyo kayo na po magfill up ng birth certificate niya?” She asked.

“Sure.” I answered without hesitating.

She gave me a form to fill up. I wrote Marian’s name as the mother of the baby and me as the father.

Pio Timothy Fonacier

Iyon ang pangalan na inilagay ko doon. He was a Fonacier now. He was my son and I was his father and I swore to all Gods, holy and unholy, that nothing and no one could ever take that away from me. I’d do everything in my power to make sure that Pio would grow up feeling loved. He won’t ever feel like something is missing in his life. I’d be everything he’d need in a father. I know I’m not a perfect person but I’d do everything in my power to be a perfect dad to him.

Marian’s POV

Dahan-dahan kong idinilat ang mga mata ko. Nasa isang puting kwarto ako. I wasn’t familiar with the room I was in, this wasn’t my room. Sinubukan kong gumalaw at napangiwi ako ng maramdaman ko ang kirot sa tiyan ko.

Napahawak ako sa tiyan ko at wala na akong makapang bukol doon. My baby.

Ang anak ko ang unang pumasok sa isip ko. I was still dazed, still disoriented but the thought of my baby woke my senses up.

“Ang baby ko?”

“O, wag ka munang gumalaw. Baka bumuka ang tahi mo.” I was surprised to see tita Liza, Seth’s mother. “Nasa NICU ang bata, binabantayan ni Seth.”

“Okay lang ba siya?” May pag-aalalang tanong ko.

“Oh he’s beautiful” tita Liza’s eyes glimmered. “Ang gwapo gwapo ng apo ko, kamukhang kamukha niya si Seth noong baby pa siya.”

I swallowed, putting moisture into my throat. Does he really look like his father? May alam na ba sila? Alam na ba ni Seth?

“Gusto ko pong makita ang baby ko.” Mahinang sabi ko.

“Sandali at magpapatawag ako ng nurse.” tita Liza said.

Pumasok ang isang nurse sa kwarto na may dalang wheelchair. Inalalayan nila akong tumayo sa kama para makaupo sa wheelchair. The nurse wheeled me out of the room and took me to the NICU.

Mula sa malaking bintana sa labas ng kwarto nakita ko si Seth na nakaupo sa tabi ng incubator. He had his elbow on the armchair at salo-salo ang ulo niya. He was asleep. I turned my gaze to the baby and I felt a pang of pain when I saw him inside the incubator. There were wires stuck to his chest and a plastic tube was attached to his nose.

It broke my heart to see my baby like that.

I asked the nurse to take me inside of the room. Itinulak niya ang wheelchair papasok at hininto iyon sa tabi ng incubator. Nakita ko ng malapitan ang baby ko.

He really did look like Seth. Kuhang-kuha ng anak ko ang hubog ng mga mata ni Seth, ang ilong niya pati ang mga labi. Hindi ko na napigilan ang mapaluha ng makita ko siya.

Ipinasok ko ang kamay ko sa bilog na butas sa gilid ng incubator para mahawakan siya. His skin felt so warm and soft and fragile.

“Hi baby.” Nanginginig ang boses na sabi ko. “Ako ang mommy mo. Magiging okay ka. Makakalabas ka din d’yan. Mahahawakan din kita. Hang in there, okay?”

The baby flinched when I touched his chubby cheek. He moved his tiny little limbs as I stroked his face.

Pakiramdam ko kasalanan ko ito kung bakit siya nandito ngayon. Siguro karma ko ito sa ginawa ko.

“Marian?” Narinig ko ang boses ni Seth at napalingon ako sa kinauupuan niya. “Are you okay now? How are you feeling?”

“Ano’ng nangyari sa baby natin? Bakit nandyan siya?” I asked as more tears fell from my eyes.

Agad na tumayo si Seth at lumapit sa akin. He cupped my face and wiped my tears away with his thumb. “Shh… he’s going to be okay.”

“Eh bakit nga nandyan siya?” Humihikbing sabi ko. “Kasalanan ko ito eh!”

“It’s not your fault. He’ll be out in no time. Inoobserbahan lang siya.” He said soothingly.

“Hindi kasalanan ko ito!” I felt like I had no control over my feelings. I kept crying and sobbing. “This is my punishment. I’m so sorry, Seth. I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, hey… you have nothing to be sorry for. Everything will be okay. Magiging okay si Pio. The doctor said so.” He said, stroking my hair.

“I did something bad. I should’ve told you this before pero natakot ako.”

“Marian…” He said, almost in a whisper as if he just ran out of breath. “What are you talking about?”

“Seth, ikaw ang ama niya.” Mahinang sabi ko. “I know it’s hard to believe but he’s your son.”

Inilayo niya ang mga palad niya na kanina’y hawak ang mukha ko. He stepped away from me as if he’d touch something hot. Napasapo siya sa ulo at hinilot ang sentido.

He paced back and forth. He was still trying to absorb what I just said.

“H-how did that happen?” He asked. “Paanong nangyaring anak ko siya kung walang nangyari sa atin?”

“I stole your semen.”

“What?” He paused, looking at me as if I was crazy. I couldn’t blame him. Isang malaking kabaliwan ang ginawa ko.

“Nakuha ko iyon sa condom na nagamit mo. Hindi ko naman akalain na mabubuntis ako. I was desperate, I wanted a baby so bad.” I explained, swallowing my sobs. “Alam kong mahirap paniwalaan pero iyon ang totoo. I never regret having him and I don’t know what I would do if he gets taken away from me.”

Katahimikan.

“Seth, I’m so sorry.” I reached out to touch him but he flinched away from me. “Seth?”

He tightly closed his eyes and opened it. “I - I need some time to think.”

Chapter Forty Two

Seth’s POV

He was my son. I had absolutely no doubt in my mind and heart that Pio was my son. I had felt it even before I knew it. He was the blood of my blood and the flesh of my flesh.

I watched Pio as he slept peacefully in the incubator. He had Marian’s creamy complexion and her cheeks but everything else was me… his eyes, the color of them, the shape of his nose, and his lips. His features were more distinct and defined now as he grew. Nakikita ko ang sarili ko sa kanya.

It was a week ago since the day Marian told me that he was my son. Wala akong pag-aalinlangan doon pero hanggang ngayon hindi pa din ako makapaniwala. I had taken care of her for almost the whole duration of her pregnancy thinking she was carrying another man’s child. And then she suddenly told me I was the father?

Kahit mahirap paniwalaan ang paraan kung paano siya nabuo, naniniwala akong anak ko ang batang ito. I had loved this little guy before he was even born, before I had even seen him, before I had even heard his first cry, or knew he was mine.

It felt like a bomb had gone off when she told me he was my son. I was initially shocked and then I felt angry. Nandoon ako sa tabi niya habang nagbubuntis siya, inalagaan ko siya. How could she not tell me? Why did she have to wait this long to tell me? She had all the time in the world. Not only had she made a fool out of me, I felt like I had been robbed of being a father. I thought of the times I was worried about Pio’s biological father coming back into their lives and claiming the baby as his when really their was nothing I should be worried about.

My anger had subsided and now, I just didn’t know what to feel. I hadn’t seen Marian since then. I wasn’t ready to face her yet. Nandito lang ako madalas sa intensive care at binabantayan si Pio. I didn’t want to leave his side. Dito na ako natutulog dahil ayaw ko naman maiwan siya mag-isa dito. I only leave when Marian visits him.

My parents were so in love with him. My mom bought him a cute onesie that he was wearing right now, some pillows and blankets to keep him comfortable and a cute baby bonnet with his name on it.

I still couldn’t believe something this beautiful could exist in this world. And he came from me.

Marian’s POV

“Hindi ba nagpunta si Seth dito?” Tanong ko kina Betsy nang magising ako. Isang linggo na akong nasa ospital at hindi ko pa siya nakikita o nakakausap mula ng aminin ko sa kanya ang totoo. I couldn’t forget the look on his face when I told her that he was Pio’s father.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang tumatakbo sa isip niya nang mga panahon na iyon pero base sa reaksyon niya hindi iyon maganda. When I tried to touch him, he jerked away from me. Lumayo siya sa akin na para bang may nakakahwa akong sakit at umalis na siya. Mula nang araw na iyon hindi ko na nakita ni anino niya.

Nagpalit-palit ng tingin ang tatlo. Then they all looked at me with pity bago umiling si Rose. I had to close my eyes to keep the tears from spilling from my eyes. Kahit na nandito ang mga kaibigan ko, kahit na maraming bumibisita sa akin dito sa ospital, I had never felt more alone than now.

Wala si Seth sa tabi ko at wala din ang anak ko. Pio’s doing better now. He didn’t need any help at all with breathing. Tinanggal na ang ibang mga machine na nakadikit sa kanya pero kailangan pa rin niyang manatili sa incubator. Sabi ng doktor masiguro lang nilang maayos ang lagay niya at pag lumabas na ang mga resulta sa test na ginawa sa kanya, pwede na siyang ilabas sa NICU.

Araw-araw ko siyang binibisita doon pero hindi pa din ako mapanatag hangga’t wala siya dito sa tabi ko. This wasn’t how it’s supposed to be. My son shouldn’t be there, he should be here with me. I should be holding him in my arms.

“He hates me.” Mahinang sabi ko.

“Ano ka ba? He doesn’t hate you. Nabigla lang siya.” Sabi ni Rose. Alam na nila ang totoo, na si Seth ang ama ni Pio. I couldn’t deny it even if I wanted to. Hindi maipapagkailang anak ni Seth si Pio. He looked exactly like his father.

But I never told them how he was conceived. Ang sinabi ko lang, galit sa akin si Seth dahil nagsinungaling akong anak niya si Pio.

“Kamusta na ang pakiramdam mo?” Tanong ni Andrea.

I swallowe the lump in my throat and answered. “Okay lang ako.”

I had weaned myself off of painkillers. Hindi na kumikirot ang tahi ko katulad noong mga naunang araw. Nakakatayo na din ako at nakakalakad. My doctor said it was a good sign. Pwede na nga daw akong lumabas ng ospital pero ayaw ko pa, hindi ako aalis dito ng hindi ko kasama ang anak ko.

“Dinaanan namin ang baby mo.” Rose said with an enthusiastic smile, trying to lighted up my mood. “Lalong gumagwapo. Ang taba taba niya na.”

“Gusto ko siyang puntahan.” I said.

Ang tawag sila ng nurse para dalhin ako sa anak ko. I still had to be on wheelchair even though I could already walk and move around.

The nurse wheeled me into the room next to Pio’s incubator. Kahit anong bigat ng nararamdaman ko, gumagaan kapag nakikita ko siya. He was so beautiful, sleeping peacefully like an angel.

Ipinasok ko ang mga kamay ko sa incubator at hinaplos ko ang malambot na balat niya. He was bigger now. Wala ng mga monitor na nakadikit sa kanya. He was dressed in a cute blue onesie and there were soft pillows surrounding him.

Gumalaw siya ng hawakan ko ang maliit na kamay niya. He curled hid tiny fingers around mine and tried to bring it to his mouth. I chuckled a little. He must be hungry.

“Feeding time na niya po.” Sabi ng nurse na nagbabantay sa kanya. “Kung gusto niyo po, pwede natin siyang ilabas para ma breastfeed.”

I had never breastfed him before. I excitedly said yes. She took Pio out of the incubator and gently carried him to me. He felt so good in my arms, like a puzzle piece clickin into its place. He was so warm and soft and tiny. Gusto kong maiyak habang kalong-kalong ko siya. It was the first time I had ever held him.

Pio opened his eyes and started to fuss as he squirmed in my arms. His eyes were beautiful just like his father’s. I had always loved Seth’s olive eyes.

“You must be really hungry, huh?” I sniffed back my tears. I pulled my hospital gown down to breastfeed him. I held him closer to me and he only calmed down when his mouth latched onto my breast.

I looked down at him as he instinctively suckled. In that moment, I truly felt like a mother, cradling this tiny life to my chest. Tuluyan ng nag-sink in sa akin na isa na akong ina. I had brought this beautiful baby into the world.

I just wish Seth was here with us.

Seth’s POV

I silently watched through the window as she held our son in her arms. The sight of her breastfeeding the baby was so beautiful and natural. Motherhood suited her well. There she was, sitting there and breastfeeding our son, and I was unsure to how I should react.

They looked beautiful and serene. If I had a camera right now, I would take a picture of them. This was one of those memories you would never want to forget. The kind of memory you’d want to keep forever.

They were lost in their own world and I wanted to be a part of it. It was like I was looking up at heaven. I wanted to reach them but they felt so far away. Parang ang layo nilang dalawa kahit salamin lang ang pumapagitan sa amin. Gusto kong lumapit sa kanila. I wanted to be there with them. I wanted to be a part of the picture. A part of the family.

Chapter Forty Three

Marian’s POV

I could feel the heaviness of a stare as I was watching Pio. He was a greedy little boy, just like his daddy. Kasing takaw ni Seth ang anak niya. I thought he was going to suck the life out of me. I lifted my head up to the window but there was no one there.

Akala ko may tao kanina doon. I thought I saw someone from my peripheral vision. I just shrugged and focused my attention back to my son.

I smiled as I watched him suckle on me. No wonder he was such a big boy.

Kinabukasan, pinayagan na ng doktor na lumabas si Pio sa incubator at nang araw din iyon, pinayagan na kaming makauwi. I was so happy to see him out of that bubble. Halos hindi ko na nga siya bitawan.

We went straight home after leaving the hospital.The house felt empty and lonely when I stepped in. Parang nag-iba na ang atmosphere ng buong bahay. I tried to look on the brighter side, at least kahit wala si Seth, may Pio naman ako.

I took my baby to the nursery room. Everything in this room reminded me of him… the walls, flooring, the crib, the armchair rocker by the window. It was all his ideas. I couldn’t come into this room without missing him. Sa tuwing umuuwi ako galing sa flowershop, palagi ko siyang naaabutan dito.

I sat on the armchair rocker holding my baby in my arms. Nakabalot siya ng kumot at mahimbing na natutulog.

I’d always imagined a family. I wanted to have a big family so bad since I was a child. Lumaki kasi akong si mama lang ang kasama ko at wala pa akong kapatid. My mom loved me so much, I knew that. Pero minsan hindi mo maiiwasan na maghanap ako ng pagmamahal ng isang ama. I’d always wanted to know what it felt like to have a father.

Only now did I realize what I had done. I was going to make my child go through the same ordeal as I did. He was going to grow up without a father. Niyakap ko sa dibdib ko ang anak ko. I couldn’t give him a complete family that he deserves.

“I’m sorry, baby.” I said, holding back my tears.

Seth’s POV

I unlocked the door with my key and stepped into the house. It was quiet and dark inside. The dawn hadn’t arrive yet. I was careful not to make any sound as I walked towards the nursery room.

I slowly opened the door to the room. I had been planning to do this since they’d left the hospital. I missed my son so much. I just wanted to take what was rightfully mine.

When I opened the door and I looked into the wooden crib, he wasn’t there. And then I thought he was with his mommy. I went out through the door and headed to the room next to the nursery. Inilapat ko angg tainga ko sa pinto ng kwaro. When I couldn’t hear any noise, I assumes it was safe to go inside. This would be risky. She could wake up and it would ruin everything.

My heart pounded against my chest as I reached for the doorknob. I turned knob and slowly pushed the door open. I tried to keep my footsteps as light as I could as I walked in. Marian was sleeping and the baby was sleeping next to her. The little man had bolster pillows surrounding him.

Something inside me fluttered when I saw him sleeping peacefully next to his mother. God, I had missed them so much. I took in a deep breath, willing myself to do it. There was no time for watching. Marian might wake up and see me. I took careful and silent steps toward’s Pio’s side of the bed.

I bent down, reaching for him. I placed one hand under his head and another on his buttocks to support him. Marian moved, probably feeling the bed shift as Pio’s weight left the bed. I held in my breath, expecting her to open her eyes and wishing it wouldn’t. Thankfully, that didn’t happen.

I looked down at the little guy in my arms. Oh God! I had missed him so much. I pulled him closer to me, hugging his tiny body. He made a soft noise. Not a cry. It was more like a coo and I couldn’t stop myself from smiling.

You’ve missed daddy too, haven’t you? We’re going to get out of here and everything will be okay.

I looked at Marian who was sleeping peacefully, completely oblivious to what was happening. I headed towards the door with the baby in my arm. This was for the best.

Marian’s POV

Inunat ko ang mga kamay ko. I felt so refreshed. Ito ang unang beses na nakatulog ako ng diretso ng hindi nagigising sa iyak ni Pio. Motherhood can be so tiring but it was definetely and always worth it. Mukhang mahimbing din yata ang tulog ng baby ko ngayon.

My eyes fluttered open, hoping to see his angel face sleeping peacefully next to me. Agad akong napabalikwas ng makita kong wala siya sa tabi ko. Parang umakyat ang lahat ng dugo ko sa katawan papunta sa ulo ko.

“PIO?!” Agad na sigaw ko at napatalon ako pababa sa kama. Natakot ako na baka gumulong siya at nahulog sa kama kaya tinignan ko ang sahig. Wala siya doon. I even check the space under the bed but he wasn’t there.

I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. My heartbeat was racing and so were my thoughts. It felt as if something heavy was pressing against my chest.

I was already in tears as I swung the door open.

“Pio?” I shouted as I stepped out of my room.

Where could he possibly be? Hindi naman makakalabas iyon ng kwarto dahil sanggol pa iyon. Paanong bigla na lang siyang nawala sa tabi ko. Paanong nangyari iyon?

I checked the nursery room, hoping I’d find him in his crib but it was empty. All logical thoughts came flying out the window. I searched for him all over the house. I checked the living room and the kitchen, I went back to the bedroom but he was nowhere to be found.

Parang sasabog na ang dibdib ko sa sobrang sikip, hindi na ako makahinga sa kakaiyak. Nasa tabi ko lang siya bago ako natulog. How could he possibly disappear just like that?

And then this article I read online flashed through my mind. It was about a mother who just gave birth to her baby she had a mental breakdown and buried her baby alive because she thought it was a doll. Hindi niya matandaan na ginawa niya iyon pagkatapos ng nangyari. There were alot of cases of women going crazy after giving birth. Sabi nila hormonal imbalance daw iyon na sinabayan pa ng stress sa pag-aalaga ng baby. Some women couldn’t take it and they just snap. What if I was one of those women?

My chest felt heavier at that thought. I felt faint. Nanghihinang napaupo ako sa couch. I hope wherever my baby was, nothing bad had happened to him. I reached for the phone and was ready to call the cops when I heard a police siren outside my house.

Sumilip ako sa bintana ng bahay. There was a police car parked outside of my house. Bumaba ang apat na pulis sa kotse, ang isa ay may hawak na megaphone.

“Sumuko ka na, Marian Faith Perez, napapalibutan ka na namin.” Sabi ng isang police gamit ang megaphone.

What did I do? All I remember was breastfeeding Pio last night and going to bed. When I woke up my son was gone and the police were outside my house. Si Pio lang ang inaalala ko. Sana lang walang nangyaring masama sa kanya. Sana wala akong ginawang masama sa kanya.

My heart was thumping really loud and fast that I thought I was going to have a heart attack. With my shaky hand, I reached for the door knob on my front door. Dahan-dahan kong binuksan iyon at lumabas.

“A-ano’ng ginawa ko?” I asked, my voice shaking. “Nawawala po ang baby ko. Hindi ko po alam kung ano ang nangyari.” Humihikbing sabi ko.

“Hinuhuli ka namin sa salang pagnanakaw.” Sabi ng pulis.

“What? Ano’ng ninakaw ko?” Gulat na tanong ko.

I saw Seth getting out of the silver car behind the police car holding something in his arms. My eyes widened when I saw Pio, flailing his tiny arms. Relief washed over me. He was safe. Nothing had happened to him. My knees wanted to collapse on me with so much. Para akong nabunutan ng tinik sa lalamunan.

“Ang anak ko!” Tumakbo ako kinatatayuan ni Seth at umiiyak na niyakap ko ang sanggol. I took him from Seth and carried him into my arms with tears pouring down my eyes. I had never been scared like this in my whole entire life and I don’t think anything could surpass this, not in this lifetime.

“Marian.” My head shot up when I heard Seth’s voice.

I gave him a sharp glare. Ipapakulong niya ako dahil ninakaw ko ang semilya niya? This was pathetic! “Ano’ng gagawin? Are you going to take my baby away from me? Semilya mo lang ang kinuha ko, akala mo naman nangnakaw ako ng isang daang milyon! It was going to end up in the trash anyway!”

“Marian, calm down okay?” He grinned.

“Calm down mo mukha mo! Hindi ko ibibigay sa’yo tong anak ko! Magkamatay na tayo, kahit pabaril mo pa ako sa mga pulis na kasama mo, hindi ko ibibigay sa’yo si Pio!” I said as I was clutching my son to my chest.

He sighed, shaking his head still wearing a grin on his face. “They’re fake cops. I hired them.”

My head turned towards the policemen standing a few feet away from us. They were leaning against their car, casually talking with each other.

“Marian, hindi lang semen ko ang ninakaw mo.” He said with a dramatic pause before he spoke again. “Ninakaw mo din pati ang puso ko. Damn! That still sounded cheesy.”

I looked at him, still with a frown on my face.

He knelt down in one knee in front of me. He took something from his pocket, a small velvet box. “Marian Faith Perez, you have this power to turn everything into something beautiful. You took my semen and turned it into a baby. Now I want you to take my heart and turn it into home. Marry me.” He opened the box and it showed a diamond ring inside.

That was all took and my knees turned into jelly, it collapsed right there. Napaluhod ako sa kinauupuan ko habang hawak ng mahigpit ang anak ko. I began crying and sobbing so hard.

“Shh… it’s okay. I’m sorry I scared you.” He said, pulling me into a hug. I buried my face into his chest. “Don’t cry.”

“Nakakaiyak ang ka-cornyhan mo.” I said in between my sobs.

He chuckled. “So, is that a yes?”

“Did you really have to scare me to death? Was that necessary?” I sniffed.

“I did that so you won’t ever forget this day for as long as you live. And adrenaline makes you make bad decisions.” He snickered. “You won’t be able to say no.”

“If I don’t have Pio in my arms right, I would’ve probably punched you in the face.”

“I take that as a yes.”

“Oo na, sige na! May magagawa pa ba ako?” I said, finally smiling.

“Did you hear that, Pio? Mommy said yes. Our plan worked.” He said, stroking the baby’s face with his finger. He made a soft coo and smiled as if he understood what Seth said.

I lifted my head up to look at him. Sinalubong niya ako ng mariin na halik sa labi.

Chapter Forty Four

Marian’s POV

They looked so cute together. Ang mag-ama ko. Nakadapa si Pio sa ibabaw ng dibdib ni Seth at pareho silang mahimbing na natutulog. I got kind of teary-eyed just watching them together. Hindi ako makapaniwala na dadating pa ang panahon na ito. Na magkakaroon ako ng buong pamilya.

I stared down at the diamond ring I had on my finger. I couldn’t believe he proposed to me. Mabibigay ko na ang anak ko ng isang buong pamilya at pakakasalan ko ang lalaking mahal ko. I was going to be Mrs. Seth Timothy Fonacier.

I dropped a kiss on Pio’s cheek and then, after the briefest of hesitations, one on Seth’s cheek. A smile broke into his lips, his eyes fluttering open.

“Why are you still awake?” He asked, looking at me with hooded eyes.

“Wala lang. Ang sarap niyo kasing panoorin.” I answered.

“Why don’t you join us?” He said, extending his arm to me.

Humiga ako sa tabi nila at sumiksik sa tagiliran ni Seth. He wrapped an arm around me as I snuggled against his side, laying my head on his chest. I looked at Pio, his face was just a few inches away from me. His angel face and cherub cheeks made me feel mushy inside.

“Bakit hindi mo sinabi, Marian?” He asked in a serious tone as he stroked my hair.

“Huh?”

“Bakit hindi mo sinabi ang totoo noong nagbubuntis ka pa lang sa kanya?”

“Maniniwala ka ba sa akin kung sinabi ko sa’yo ang totoo noon?”

“Yes, I’ve always felt that he was mine.”

“I got scared.” I bit my bottom lip. “I’m sorry.”

“Pakiramdam ko nasayang lahat ng panahon na inakala kong anak ng ibang lalaki si Pio. Yung mga panahon na natakot ako na baka bumalik sa buhay niyo ang totoong ama niya at palitan niya ang pwesto ko… I’ve lived in fear that one day that would happen. Gayong wala naman pala talaga akong dapat katakutan. I wanted to hate you but try as I might, I can’t. I love you too much.”

I felt him his lips on my forehead. I closed my eyes and sighed. I couldn’t help but feel regret. I regret the amount of time that I had wasted, I could’ve had all these before, I was just glad I have him now.

“Isa pa, ayaw ko naman na isantabi mo yung buhay mo para sa amin. I knew how afraid you are of responsibilities and giving up your freedom.”

“I’d be willing to give up everything for the both of you and do everything you ask me to. If you say it, I will do it. That’s how much I love you.”

“I love you too.” I smiled.

“It’s really funny you know?” He chuckled. “This little man right here has been conceived without us having sex. And he came from a used condom. What do you think he’s reaction would be like when someday he finds out how he was made?”

“Bakit naman niya malalaman? Siraulo ka talaga!” I laughed. “Kaya nga you shouldn’t waste your… um, man essence. Those are your potential children. Think about your son. If I hadn’t injected your semen in me, Pio would just be one of those sperms rotting in a piece of plastic.”

“That’s kind of sick to think about.” He grimaced. “But for the record, Marian, I have been celibate since I moved in with you. That’s the longest I have ever been celibate. Kung hindi ka lang bagong panganak, I would’ve taken you right now.”

“Seth!” I scolded him, my cheeks heating up. “Really? In front of your son?!”

“What? He’s asleep.” Natatawang sabi niya.

I rolled my eyes at him but couldn’t help but smile. I couldn’t thank God enough for all these things I’d been blessed with. My eyes felt heavy. I yawned, closing my eyes and quickly drifting to sleep.

Isinabay na namin ang binyag ni Pio sa engagement party namin. It was just a small, intimate party. The reception was at a restaurant in a hotel. Ang mga taong malalapit lang sa amin ang inimbitahan namin. Seth was the kind of father any woman could ever hope and wish for. He was so hand-on and involved with our son. Siya ang nagpapaaraw kay Pio sa umaga, he walks outside with the baby in the stroller every morning. Sa tuwing umuuwi siya galing trabaho, si Pio na agad ang hawak niya. Kapag hawak niya na ang bata, hindi niya na ito mabitawan.

Isang beses sinabi ko sa kanya na hindi pa ako nakakaranas na ligawan niya. We were soon going to get married at wala pang ligawan na nagaganap. From friends nag level up agad sa pagiging mag-asawa. Since then, palagi niyang ipinararamdam sa akin na nililigawan niya ako. He’d bring me flowers everyday when he comes home from work pero nakalimutan niya yatang may flowershop ako at sawang-sawa na ako sa bulaklak. And then he started bringing me something else, emerald pendant necklace, diamond studded earrings… but I never really had the taste for luxurious things such as that. Sabi ko sa kanya tama na yung maramdaman kong mahal niya ako. His weekends were ours, he’d always take me out on a date at a restaurant and we’d end the day with watching a good chick flick movie, cuddled up on the couch.

Apat ang ninong ni Pio. Seth’s four good old friends, Axel, Phoenix, Wayne and Tristan. They were all like brothers. Mga limang mala-Adonis na magkakapatid na bumaba sa lupa. Pero syempre ang future husband ko ang pinaka-gwapo sa kanilang lahat.

Tatlo naman ang ninang niya which were my three bestfriends. Andrea, Rose, and Betsy. The ninongs and ninang were all over our baby. Pinagpasa-pasahan nila ang anak ko. Pio was loving all the attention he was getting.

“Buti naman at naisipan niyo na magpakasal.” Tita Liza said as she was holding our sleeping son in her arms. Napagod siguro ang bata sa kaka-entertain sa mga ninong at ninang niya. “You already have a child. Responsibilidad niyo bilang magulang ang bigyan siya ng isang buong pamilya.”

“I’ll be expecting another grandchild after the wedding.” Tito Nelson said.

“Don’t worry about it, dad. We’re going to work on it as soon as possible.” Nakangising sagot ni Seth at ipinulupot ang bisig sa balikat ko.

Embarrassed, I elbowed him on his side. He just laughed, pulling me closer to him and kissing the side of my head.

“You should have more kids, Marian.” Sabi naman ni tita Liza. “Alam mo maganda ang malaking pamilya ngayon ko lang na realize yan. Para kahit bihira ka lang bisitahin ng isang anak mo.” She said and gave Seth a sharp look. “Marami ka pang anak na bibisita sa’yo.”

“I’m sorry, mom. Naging busy lang kami kay Pio.” Sabi ni Seth.

“Don’t worry, tita. Palagi po kaming bibisita sa inyo.” I said.

“I don’t ever want to hear you call me tita again. Just call me mom, okay? Parte ka na ng pamilya namin.” Tita Liza smiled.

“Okay po.” I smiled back at her. It felt so nice being accepted as a part of the Fonacier family even though we weren’t married yet.

“And you young man, don’t ever be like your father.” Sabi ni tito Nelson habang nakatingin sa natutulog na sanggol. “I don’t want to slap the back of your head when you grow up.”

The party ended well. We decided to check in with their parents into the hotel where the party was held. Hindi na kasi makakauwi ang mga magulang ni Seth, they’re house was a few hour drive away from here and it was already late. Kung uuwi kami sa bahay, wala din naman silang matutulugan. The only room with a bed in my house was my bedroom. The nursery room didn’t have a bed.

Dalawang kwarto ang kinuha namin at katabi ng kwarto namin ang kwarto ng mga magulang ni Seth.

“Can we spend the night our grandson?” Seth’s mom asked as we were heading to our rooms. “Gusto ko lang makasama ang apo ko kahit ngayon lang. Bukas uuwi na kami. I’m going to miss him.”

Seth and I looked at each. Bumalik ang tingin ko sa mommy ni Seth bago ako ngumiti at tumango. I knew Pio would be in good hands.

“You want to spend the night with Poppop and grandma, little guy?” Tanong ni Seth sa anak niya. Pio cooed and let out a small laugh.

“See, he likes being with us.” Sabi naman ng daddy ni Seth.

Kinuha ko ang diaper bag ni Pio kung saan nakalagay ang mga gatas, extra clothes at diapers niya. This was the first night I’d spend without him by my side since leaving the hospital. Pero naisip kong maganda din iyon ng makapagpahinga naman kami pareho ni Seth. It would be nice to have a full uninterrupted sleep. Sleep becomes a luxury when you’re a parent.

Pumasok na kami sa kwarto namin pagkatapos namin ihatid ang mga gamit ni Pio. Umupo ako sa gild ng kama pagpasok sa kwarto. I was exhausted from the party.

Seth began to take his shirt off. Doon ko lang na realize na kaming dalawa na lang ang nasa loob ng kwarto. I swallowed as I stared at his body, his perfectly sculped torso, his wide chest and his ridged abdominal muscles. I felt the air and the atmosphere in the room growing thick.

I’d seen him topless and shortless but it’s different when you have a baby in the room, you’re more of a mother than a woman. Now I was a woman. A full blooded woman with needs and desires.

My gaze lifted up to his face and I saw him looking at me. He gave me a smug smile and winked at me. My cheeks heated up in embarrassment.

“Come on, let’s go to bed.” Aya niya. Pinanood ko siyang maglakad papunta sa right side ng kama at humiga doon.

My heart was thumping really fast.I was excited and nervous at the same time. May anak na kami pero bakit ganito pa din ang nararamdaman ko ngayon.

Dahan-dahan akong humiga sa tabi niya. The light in the room was dim, adding to the romantic atmosphere of it.

He wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me against him. He buried his face in the crook of my neck. I could his hot breath tickling my skin.

“Seth… ano ba? Nakikiliti ako…” I said, half-laughing when he started leaving small kisses on my neck.

He held me still as his kisses ran down my neck. My breath began to hitch when his hand crawled up my breast. Kahit na may telang nakaharang, ramdam ko pa rin ang init ng mga palad niya. I closed my eyes. Pinakiramdaman ko lang ang lahat ng ginagawa niya sa akin. I was liking sensation of his hot lips against my skin and his hand playing with my breast.

Dumilat lang ako ng maramdaman kong huminto siya. I wanted to protest. But then he shifted and got on top of me. Sinalubong niya ang labi ko ng isang mainit na halik. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back. Ginaya ko ang ginagawa ng mga labi niya. His tongue slid in between my lips and I accepted it boldly and with full abandon.

I moaned into his mouth as my body began to ache for him, needing him more. His hands explored my body as if he was trying to memorize every inch. Pumasok ang isang kamay niya sa loob ng suot kong pang-itaas at agad niyang ibinaba ang cup ng suot kong bra sa loob nito. He played with my breast, he caught my nipples between his fingers and fiddled with them.

My head felt dizzy and my skin tingled. Naghiwalay ang mga labi namin ng itaas niya ang suot kong pang-itaas at hinubad iyon at sinunod niya naman ang bra ko. I lifted my torso up so he could unhook my bra and then he threw it on the floor.

He bent his head down and gave my breast a feather light kiss. Without warning he took it in his mouth. He rolled his tongue over and over my nipple and gave it a few flick while his hand played with my other breast. I gasped when he suckled on it and I lactated milk from my breast, he drank from my breast and he swallowed what my body gave to him. I pushed his head away. It felt very different with Seth doing it. It felt really good but weird. My milk was just for the the baby.

“Seth!” Nanlalaki ang mga matang tinitigan ko siya.

“What?” He asked.

“Ano’ng ginagawa mo? Para yan sa baby.”

“I just wanted a taste of it.” He said with a playful smile on his lips. He closed his fingers around my breast, more milk spilling out of my nipple. He bent over and licked it off, I felt a tickle down my spine at what he did. “And God, it taste delicious.”

“Seth!” Saway ko sa kanya.

“Okay, okay…” He sighed. “But after your through with breastfeeding him, these will be mine.”

“But at least this is mine.” He grinned. Ibinaba niya ang suot kong skirt kasama ang underwear ko. I felt the sudden urge to cover myself up. And I couldn’t resist that urge. Tinakpan ko ang kaselanan ko gamit ang dalawang kamay ko.

My heart rate was going insane. He looked up at me, his eyes were burning with desire. I watched nervously as he bent his head down in between my legs.

He gently kissed the hands that was covering my most intimate part. I moaned as my body began to ache. It was an ache I’d never felt before.

Dahan-dahan niyang tinanggal ang mga kamay ko doon. I felt his mouth covering my womanhood. Napasinghap ako sa kakaibang sensasyon na hatid ng mainit niyang mga labi. I squirmed when his tongue tracing the line of my feminity. It sent bolts throughout my body. A moan escaped my throat when he slid his tongue in between my folds, his licks becoming more rough. 

Every movement he does made my ache stronger. My head felt dizzy and my nerves tingled everywhere. I didn’t know what was going on with my body but whatever it was, it felt good. The strange sensation felt wonderful. I couldn’t catch my breath as I moaned his name over and over. I felt a sudden warmth in my stomach. My heart was leaping with each passing second. My toes started to curl as the muscles in my legs clenched. I felt the warmth rushing out of me. It was so intense that it made my hips buck up. 

My body limped against the bed. My chest heaving up and down. I felt so drained. 

I closed my eyes as I tried to catch my breath.

 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral.

My mother’s voice started ringing in my head.

My eyes snapped open. Seth was now kneeling in between my legs pulling down the last piece of cloth he had on.

“Seth…” Tawag ko sa kanya.

Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin. “Hmm?”

“We shouldn’t…” I bit my bottom lip, not knowing the right words to say. “I want do this after we get wedding.” I said as I closed my legs and pulling a blanket over my body.

“You’re kidding, right?” He said, amused.

I shook my head. “Gusto kong maging special ang wedding night natin. Let’s save it for the wedding night.”

He let out an exasperated groan. 

“Really? After I just made you come? You’re so unfair” He muttered breathlessly. Bumagsak siya sa tabi ko at isinubsob ang mukha niya sa leeg ko. “You’re going to be the death of me, woman.”

Chapter Forty Five - Final Chapter

Seth’s POV

I stood at the altar with Pio in one arm as I waited for my beautiful bride. My son and I wore a matching tux. I couldn’t choose between my four good friends so I chose my son as the best man. He was now six months old and growing faster than we had expected especially since he was premature.

His stubby hands reached for my bow tie and he tried to pull it to his mouth. This little guy would chew and eat anything he could put his mouth on. Inilayo ko ang bow tie sa kanya at inayos iyon bago ko siya hinalikan sa pisngi. The thump in my chest grew stronger with each passing second. I tried my best to ignore it and focused on my kid.

“Mommy’s will be here anytime now.”

“A-mmy” Pio lifted his brows up and looked around, trying to find Marian.

“She’s not here yet. Mamaya nandito na yun.” I explained to him.

Just then, I saw a white car stopping in front of the church. My body stiffened. I adjusted my tux and Pio’s. I took in a deep breath and stood straight up. The whole church went quiet, everyone got into their positions as the music started to play.My heart was unbelievably beating hard.

The chauffeur opened the backseat door and with graceful movement, Marian stepped out of the car. She had on a vintage laced long sleeve wedding gown. It was the same wedding dress that her mother wore, we just had to alter and fix it a little. This was the first time I’d seen her in her wedding dress and God, she was stunning. The dress fitted her perfectly, clinging to every curve of her body. Her long veil, which was longer than her dress, trailed behind her. She looked so regal and I was humbled that she was mine.

“A-mmy!” Pio clapped his hands together.

“Yeah. Mommy’s beautiful, isn’t she?” I said, giving him a sniff kiss.

She was the most beautiful bride I’d ever seen in my whole entire life. Our eyes met and I was transfixed. I couldn’t take my eyes off her and our gaze stuck to each other as she started walking down the aisle. Everything around us disappeared as the entire world became only the two of us. It was only me and her.

The groomsmen and bridesmaids were the first to walk down the aisle. And then the ringbearers, we decided to have two ringbearers. Phoenix’s son, Coco was holding one of the ring and Tristan’s son, Yvo had the other one. And the two beautiful flower girls, Anais and Audrey.

She slowly walked down the aisle. My dreams were always filled with images of her, of our son, of us, and how happy they’d made me. I knew with absolute certainty that she was the woman I’d want to spend the rest of my life with.

She slowly, fluidly and gracefully put one foot in front of the other and then she was standing right in front of us. My eyes watered with tears and I was breathless seeing how flawless she was.

“You’re beautiful.” My eyes never left hers.

She graced me with the most radiant of her smiles as tears seered on the corners of her eyes. Ipinulupot ko ang bisig ko sa baywang niya at hinalikan siya sa noo. She bent down to give our son a kiss on the lips.

“A-mmy! A-mmy! A-mmy!” Pio excitedly babbled.

We broke into laughter despite our tears. I gave my son a kiss too before Dad took him from me. I offered my arm to her and off we went to the altar.

“Miracles happen everyday.” The priest spoke, starting his sermon. I looked at him, his voice was eerily familiar to me. My brows furrowed. He looked at me and gave me a knowing smile as if he’d read my mind. “Nakatira tayo sa isang bilog na planeta na umiikot sa isang malaking bola ng apoy na katabi ng buwan na kumokotrol sa dagat. Hindi pa ba sapat na dahilan yun para maniwala na may milagro? Miracles happen more than we understand. Life is full of small miracles we take for granted. And then there are big miracles we couldn’t miss. Kapag narinig mo ang salitang miracle ano ang naiisip niyo? Ang paghati ng dagat na pula? Ang pagputol-putol sa limang tinapay at dalawang isda para mapakain ang limang libong tao? Sometimes we have faith for big miracles that forget that everything we do is the result of something small, sometimes it’s what we believe in.” He looked at Marian and gave her the same knowing smile. Marian smiled back at her as if they shared a secret. “Sometimes miracle is that baby you’re holding, sometimes it’s finding your great love. Sometimes miracle is as simple as sharing your eternity with that one person. Miracles happen everyday and right now, it’s happening in front of us.”

I took Marian’s hand and squeezed it. She turned her head to me and smiled, I smiled back at her. I knew Pio and her were my miracle.

We said our vows after the sermon was over.

I cleared my throat and hoped I won’t cry like a baby in front of all these people when I say my vow. I took in a deep breath.

“I doubted God’s presence for quite a long time and that changed when you came along because I knew that it could not be science or any coincidence which brought me to you. I will spend the rest of my life thanking Him for loving me enough to send me His very best. You made me a better person, Marian. There’s so many things I couldn’t be without you and so many things I’ll never be without you. You’re my everything. Everything about you makes me love you more, you’re fire, you’re strength, you’re stubborness. I’m not good with words. But I just want to make sure that you know how much I love you and our son, that I would be willing to give up my life for the both of you, that today I’m filled with so much pride and joy knowing this is my future, our future and nothing can change that. I love you, Marian.” I said, holding my tears in as I slipped the ring on her finger.

“Twenty-eight years kitang hinintay. Akala ko hindi ka na dadating. Tama ka sa sinabi mo noon na hindi ikaw ang ideal man ko. Gwapo ka nga pero gago ka. I don’t even know if I’m allowed to say it in churhc but I’m saying it anyway.” She said, half-laughing and half-crying. “In James 1:17, I learned that every good and perfect gift comes from God the father. You are the answer to my prayer even before I believed and knew that we were made for each other. I have to be honest, you were not what I prayed for. Pero sabi nga nila, hindi naman ibinibigay ng Diyos sa atin kung ano ang gusto natin, ibinibigay niya kung ano ang mas tama at nararapat sa atin. Hindi Siya nagkamali sa pagbigay niya sa’yo sa akin. In 1 Corinthians 13, I learned the characteristics of love; it is patient, it is kind, it always protects, always trust, and always preserves. Ipinakita at ipinadama mo sa akin lahat ng katangian ng pagmamahal na iyon. Thank you for giving me that kind of love. I love you, Seth Timothy Fonacier. I, Marian Faith Perez, take you to be my bestfriend, my faithful partner and my one true love. I will strive to give you the best of myself while accepting you the way you are. I promise to grow with you, to face changes with you, to overcome obstacles with you and to nag less. I will forever be there to laugh with you, to lift you up when you’re down and to love you unconditionally, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.” She then took my hand and slipped the ring on my finger. 

We kissed and it felt like there were fireworks exploding in my head.

The room was a mass of black ties and designer dresses. Pagkatapos ng kasal, dumiretso na kami sa reception. As much as I wanted to have her all to myself, we still had to entertain the guests. Bakit ba hindi na lang pwede na pagkatapos ng kasal, honeymoon na? I’d been waiting for this day to come and all I wanted to do was spend some alone time with my wife.

We walked around and greeted all the guest and it finally came to our first dance as husband and wife.

I set out on a narrow way many years ago

Hoping I would find true love along the broken road

But I got lost a time or two

Wiped my brow and kept pushing through

I couldn’t see how every sign pointed straight to you.

I thought of the day we first met. Nabangga niya ang kotse ko. If that hadn’t happened, if she had step on her brakes on time, I wouldn’t have met her. None of this would be happening right now. There’d be no wedding, no Pio. Just thinking about an existence without knowing her, without having all these things I have right now made my chest ache.

Every long lost dreams led me to where you are

Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars

Pointing me on my way into your loving arms

This much I know is true

That God bless the broken road

That led me straight to you

One of her hand went up to my cheek and carressed it. “Ano’ng iniisip mo?”

“Everything” I answered. “I’m thinking about you and Pio, our future together and our family. I’m thinking about how lucky I am because I have you as my wife.”

“Hindi mo na ako kailangan bolahin. Mag-asawa na tayo.” She pinched my nose. “You’re definitely going to get it tonight.”

“Now, we’re talking.” I grinned, pulling her into a hug. “But seriously, thank you so much, Marian. Thank you for coming into my life. I never knew what I was missing until I met you.”

I think about the years I spent just passing through

I’d like to have the time I lost and give it back to you

But you just smiled and take my hand

You’ve been there you understand

It’s all part of the grander plan that is coming true

“Why haven’t I met you earlier?” I asked with a sigh as I leaned my head against hers. “You fill everything that has felt like it’s been missing out of my life.”

“Because it wasn’t the right time yet.” She said, brushing her fingers through my hair. “Siguro sa mga panahon na yun, there were still a lot of things we needed to figure out on our own. But now we have the rest of our lives together, don’t we?’

And now I’m rolling home

Into my lover’s arms

This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road

That led me straight to you

She rested her head on my shoulder and i gently kissed the top of her head.

“Ano sa tingin mo ang mangyayari sa atin 50 years from now?” She asked.

“Hmmm.. We’d be old and wrinkly but you’d still be beautiful.” I answered. “We’d have a lot of kids and granchildren and so many wonderful stories to tell them.”

“Pero huwag muna sana ikwento sa kanila kung paano na buo si Pio. Nakakahiya sa mga anak at mga apo natin. They’d think I’m crazy.”

“But you are crazy!” I chuckled.

She laughed, playfully hitting me on the chest. 

“SETH! Ano ba?” She laughingly shrieked as I carried her inside our suite. It was our wedding night, the night I’d been waiting for for the past few months. Pio was with mom and dad. They took him so we could spend the night together without any disturbances.

The suite was on the top floor, the best room this hotel could offer. It had a floor to ceiling window that acted as a wall. The view was magnificent. You could see the city’s light, twinkling like stars.

We were going to fly to Barcelona tomorrow, that’s where we’d be spending our honeymoon. Iyon ang hometown ni Abuela at meron kaming beach house doon. Marian would surely enjoy the place.

But for now, this will do.

I seated on the edge of the bed and I made her sit on my lap. Her arms were still wrapped around my neck and we were into each other’s eyes. Her eyes were intense and dark. I didn’t have to look in the mirror to know that my eyes bore the same look. She dipped her head, kissing me softly, gently grazing her lips against mine. I nipped her bottom lip in response, letting out a growl.

I reached for the zipper on the back of her dress and unzipped it as she opened her mouth for me. My tongue explored her mouth greedily. I could feel her tremble slightly as I pulled her dress down. I wasn’t sure if it was nervousness or anticipation. The dress fell to her waist. My hands roamed all over her body. I slid my hands up and down her waist, feeling her curves. i caressed her stomach tracing my hand up to her ribs and up to her breasts. I played with her breasts outside her bra. She had nice full breasts. Minsan nga naiinggit ako kay Pio sa tuwing makikita kong pinadedede siya ni Marian. Any man would kill to touch and suck these puppies.

Nang magsawa ako, inabot ko ang hook ng bra sa likod niya. I wanted more. I unclasped her bra and let it fall to the ground. My hand went down to her waist and I pulled down her dress along with her underwear in one swift movement until she was completely naked.

We both broke from the kiss, trying to catch our breaths. Her lips were still close to mine but they weren’t touching, we were breathing heavily into each other’s mouths as we looked at each other.

I took off my shirt and threw it. I shifted our position, making her face the mirror in front of us. Beside the bed was a full wall mirror. She gasped when she saw the sight of her completely naked body.

“You’re beautiful.” I whispered in her ear.

“Seth…” She softly said, she tried to cover herself up with her hands but I held her wrists so she she wouldn’t be able to.

Her eyes dropped to the ground.

“You need to see how beautiful you are.” I said. “Look in the mirror, Marian. Look at me.”

Dahan-dahan niyang inangat ang ulo niya at tinignan ako sa salamin.

I cupped her breasts in each of my hands. They were full and hot. I gently squeezed them, feeling their lushness. I stared at the breasts I was enjoying in front of the mirror, watching our reflection. I rolled her nipples between my thumbs and index fingers. They responded by pebbling and puckering.

Her breath became shallow and fast. She let out a loud moan when I pinched them.

“Seth, please…” Mahinang sabi niya.

“Please what?”

“E-ewan ko.” I saw how expression changed into a confused one. “Basta huwag ka na lang huminto!”

My right hand glided down her ribcage and down to her stomach. She had a horizontal scar below her stomach. It had already healed. The scar was more lighter than before, in fact, you could barely notice it. I traced my finger along the scar. I thought it was beautiful. This was where my son came out.

Every part of her was beautiful.

I pulled her legs apart and moved my hand in between them. My fingers lightly brushed over her folds. She quivered and let out a moan. I started kissing her neck as I fondled her breast with one hand and played with her snatch with the other.

I watched in the mirror as I rubbed my finger up and down her moist little lips. My eyes gazed up into her face. I smiled. She was watching what I was doing to her, her pupils dilated with desire and fascination.

I found her clit and rubbed it between my fingers. She gasped at the sensation of it. It made me only do it more intensely as she reacted to my touch. I rubbed her fervently, making her emit sounds between a moan and a whimper.

I pushed a finger inside her. She was wet and ready for me but she was tight as a glove. Tighter even. I tried to push my finger further in. So warm, snug and so fuckin’ tight and it was just one finger! I could already imagine the feel of her tightness around me. I watched the reflection in the mirror as my finger disappeared inside her.

My pants was growing tighter and tighter to the point of pain. Even though the air conditioner in the room was on, I could feel sweats breaking out of my forehead. I pulled my finger out and pushed it back in. She let out a cry.

“Seth…” Her chest was heaving like she had run a race.

I started thrusting in and out of her. Her body squirmed in delight as my finger brought her closer to the heavenly state of ecstasy. I gently nibbled the sensitive part of her neck as my finger flicked her nipple. I loved the little sounds she made. She moaned and grunted and growled.

Her insides clenched around my finger and I could feel her pulsating. Her warm essence flowed down my hand as she orgasmed. Her body tiredly limped against mine. I had to hold her by the waist to keep her from sliding down.

Her back was leaning against my chest, her eyes were closed, and her chest was moving up and down rapidly. After a few seconds, she opened her eyes. I brought my finger to my mouth and sucked her juice off it. Her eyes widened in shock as she watched what I did in the mirror.

I bit my tongue to keep myself from laughing at her reaction.

“Why do you taste so good?” I asked.

“I don’t know.” Her cheeks turned bright red.

I made her stand up for awhile so I could pull my pants and boxers off. And then I pulled her down to sit on my lap again.

I started to position myself. This was the night I’d been waiting for. I couldn’t wait to be buried inside that tight little snatch. I slid my dick along her slit. She took in a sharp breath when she looked down at our sex through the mirror.

“Seth!” Nanlalaki ang mga matang sabi niya. “What are you going to do? I-ipapasok mo yan?”

“Naturally yes…” I answered. “It’s our honeymoon. Huwag mo kong bitinin! You have no excuse left!”

I thrusted my hips upward. I watched through the mirror as the tip of my manhood disappeared inside her. She was so tight it was unbelievable. She let out a shrilling scream.

“Marian?” My eyes widened in shock.

“Masakit, Seth.” She sobbed.

“I’m sorry…” I said, as I held her still. I was careful not to move, I knew any movement I do would only hurt her. “Please, don’t tell me it’s not what I think it is.”

“This is my first time…” She grunted.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Eh di ka naman nagtanong! Bigla mo na lang pinasok!”

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” My voice softened when I realized that she was right. “I just, I don’t know, I didn’t expect you to be a virgin.”

She moved, My manhood pushed deeper into her. She let out a small whimper. I held her by her waist, holding her still. “Don’t move… You’re going to hurt yourself more.”

“Let’s get this over with. Mawawala naman din ang sakit… This is nothing compared to my labor pain…” She bit her lower lip and slowly pushed her body down my length until I was completely inside her. God, I was finally inside of her. She was so much tighter than I expected, she was hot and snug around me. This was heaven. If I die now, I’d die a happy man.

We didn’t move for a few moments. She was trying to catch her breath and I wanted her to get used to my girth. Maya-maya ay nagsimula na siyang gumalaw. She lifted her body up my length and pushed it back down. I held her by the waist, guiding her movements as I watched our reflection. It was so hot for me to be able to see my dick plummeting in and out of her, her breasts bouncing up and down with each thrust.

After just a few strokes, I was done. It was nearly impossible to hold my come longer than that. She was so tight and so hot. I’d held myself back long enough.  I came deep inside her, pumping every ounce of it inside her body. I hugged her as my whole body shudder at the intensity of my climax.

Ibinagsak ko ang katawan ko sa kama at tumabi siya sa akin. I put my arm around her and she snuggled to my side. 

“I love you.” She murmured.

“I love you too.” I said, kissing the side of her head.

“Good night.” She yawned.

“Good night?” I poised on top of her, pushing my body up with my arm. “Oh no, you’re not sleeping on me. We’re just getting started.”

Epilogue

Isa na naman kwento ang natapos! Salamat sa walang sawang pagsubabay sa mga kwento ng magbarkada. Infairness ah, mabilis na ang update ko dito. I’m a huge procrastinator pero sinipag talaga akong mag-update sa story na ito. Sana lang tuloy-tuloy na din ang kasipagan ko sa pagsusulat sa susunod na mga story ko. May asawa na ang apat na babies ko, si Wayne na lang pala ang binata ko.

Nakakalungkot na patapos na ang series ng magbabarkada. Everytime I finish a story, I feel like a proud mama watching her little birds fly and leave the nest. I get really emotionally attached to the characters I write. Sometimes I think they’re real people.

Anyway, sana masubaybayan niyo din ang huling story ng magbarkada. Ang story Wayne Cameron St. Croix. Pinag-iisipan ko din kung gagawan ko pa ng story ang mga anak ng magbarkada. Pero saka ko na iisipin yun pagtapos na ang story niya lol. 

Thank you for making it this far into the story. Sa mga nakabasa na ng story ng tatlong nauna alam niyo na ang scene na ito ;)

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Marian’s POV

Nakaupo ako sa pagitan ng mga hita ni Seth, nakasandal ang likod ko sa dibdib niya at nakapulupot ang mga bisig niya sa akin. We were sitting by the lake. Pinanonood lang namin ang mga kaibigan ni Seth na lumangoy kasama ang mga anak at asawa nila.

Iniwan ni Pio ang mga laruang kotse niya at lumapit sa tubig. He dipped his little toe in the water.

“Pio, don’t go in the water. Wait for me!” Sabi ni Seth.

He turned his head to us with a frown. “I SWIM!”

“We’ll go for a swim later.” Tumayo si Seth at nilapitan ang anak niya. He sat beside him and scooped him onto his lap. Pio just turned two last month. Ang bilis ng panahon. Parang kailan lang ang liit liit niya pa at buhat buhat ko siya. Ngayon ang kulit kulit na, hindi mapakali sa isang tabi.

He was looking more and more like Seth with each passing day. And he was quickly becoming more and more like his father. He too had love for cars just like Seth and he copies everything his father does. Makalit din siya katulad ng ama niya at may pagkapilyo din.

“Daddy, now!” Pio firmly said with face crumpled.

“No, not now. You just had your milk, you might throw up.” Malumanay na sabi ni Seth. “Let’s play with your cars. Come on…”

“No! I swim now!” He pouted.

“Later, okay?” Sabi niya bago binuhat si Pio at bumalik sa akin. They sat beside me and played with his toy cars. Before he could throw a tantrum, inaliw na ni Seth ang anak niya at agad naman nakalimutan nito ang tungkol sa swimming.

“VROOM! VROOM!” Seth imitated the sound of an automobile and Pio smiled. I contentedly watched them as they played together. Maya-maya ay nauwi na kilitian ang laro nila.

“Daddy!” He managed to say as he cried in a fit of laughter. “NO!”

“Seth, tumigil na nga kayong dalawa. Kadedede lang ng anak mo.” Saway ko.

Seth let go of him and Pio ran to me, laughing deviously. Umupo siya sa kandungan ko and he buried his face on my shoulder.

“Kita mo, pawis na pawis ka na, o!” Sabi ko habang isinusuklay ang mga daliri ko sa basang buhok niya. I reached for the towelette beside me at pinunasan ang pawis niya bago ko siya hinalikan sa noo. “Ang likot likot niyo talagang dalawa.”

“Me din, mommy. I’m sweaty…” Seth said in a baby voice.

Humagikgik si Pio sa tinuran ng ama niya. I rolled my eyes but wiped the sweat off his forehead anyway.

“Kiss ko?” He said, puckering his lips.

I faked a sigh and gave him a peck on the kiss. Bumalik siya sa dating pwesto niya at umupo sa likuran ko. I leaned my back against his chest. My fingers started playing with Pio’s hair. His hand snaked to my chin and he turned my head to face him. Binigyan niya ako ng halik sa labi. I felt so at peace with the water around us and my son in my arms and the love of my life kissing me. Could my life get any better than this?

“Yuck!” Pio said with a chuckle. Agad naghiwalay ang mga labi namin at napatingin sa kanya.

Natatawang ginulo ni Seth ang buhok ni Pio. “When a beautiful woman kisses you, you don’t say yuck, you say thank you.”

I chuckled, shaking my head. He wrapped an arm around my waist and rested his head on my shoulder.

Bigla akong may naalala. I wanted to tell it to him earlier but we were in a hurry. Malalate na kasi kami sa binyag ng bunsong anak ni Phoenix at Cassie na si Veronica. Nawala din sa isip ko kanina dahil naging abala kami sa pag-aasikaso ng picnic party.

“Seth…” Mahinang sabi ko.

“Mm?”

“Late ako.” Sabi ko.

“Late for what?” He lifted his head up to look at me.

“My period is late. I haven’t had it this month.” I nervously said, my finger twirling around Pio’s hair.

He just look at me with a blank expression for a moment, and then his eyes widened. “Are you telling me…?”

“And this morning, I took a pregnancy test… it turned out positive.”

Napaawang ang mga labi niya. For several seconds he was quiet, as if trying to process what I said to him. His shocked expression soon turned into a smile. “I’m going to be a daddy…” He whispered. “I’m going to be a daddy again!” He said in a louder voice. “Holy shit, I’m going to be a daddy again!!!”

“Hindi pa naman sigurado… Isang pregnancy test pa lang—”

“Did you hear that Pio? We’re going to have a baby again. You’re going to be a big brother!” Umalis siya sa likod ko at binuhat ang anak namin. He happily spun our son around and threw him in the air only to catch him again. Tawa naman ng tawa si Pio. “My baby’s a big brother now!”

“Hey guys, I have an announcement to make!” Sabi niya, buhat-buhat niya si Pio sa isang kamay habang nakaharap sa lawa kung saan masayang lumalangoy ang mga kaibigan niya. They all paused and turned their attention to him.

“I’m going to be a daddy again! We’re going to have another baby.” Masayang sabi niya.

Tumayo ako at lumapit sa kanya. “Ano ka ba? Hindi pa nga sure yun.”

“Congrats!” Sabi ni Wayne.

“It’s about time. Nakakailan na kami ni Cassie.” Sabi naman ni Phoenix habang pasan-pasan ang anak niyang si Coco sa likod niya.

“Aba! Humahabol ka sa amin.” Sabi naman ni Tristan habang karga si Yvo sa tagiliran niya. His wife, Andi, was pregnant with their second baby.

“Nice shot!” Axel grinned.

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into a hug. He gave me a kiss on the forehead, on the tip of my nose and finally lips. “We’re going to go to the doctor tomorrow first thing in the morning. God, you don’t know how happy you’ve made me.”

“But we’re still not sure. Baka mali lang—”

“I’m positively sure you’re pregnant!” He said. “I can feel it. You think I don’t notice the missing chocolates in the fridge? And you grimacing everytime you’re near a coffee because you hate the smell of it?”

I smiled, letting my head rest against his chest. I never really noticed that but he was right. I looked at the mini version of Seth and pinched his cheek. “Magiging kuya ka na.” Sabi ko. “Magiging big brother na ang baby namin.”

“Give mommy a kiss.” Sabi ni Seth.

He leaned over to me and gave me a peck on the lips.

“I love you.” Seth whispered, kissing me on the forehead. “Thank you for giving me Pio and thank you for giving me another baby.”

“I love you too and thank you for your sperms.” I jokingly said. “It gave me the most precious things ever.”

He let out a tender chuckle. “It was my pleasure, honey. Absolutely my pleasure.”

The Pregnant Virgin Book

Hi guys,

Para sa mga hindi pa nakakaalam, I’ll be self-publishing Five Guys (minus Tristan because he’s already published under Summit) real soon. There will be additional chapters in the book. There will be additional chapters in the book. Ito yung details para sa gustong mag-avail ng book set o ng individual copy.

Individual copy:

Price: 500php (+shipping fee)

The book set comes with:

-A special book box

-Phoenix Cordova

-Ruthless Seduction

-The Pregnant Virgin

-The Blue Book: At your Service

Size: 6 x 9

Price: 2000php (shipping fee included)

Order and payment period: January to March 2018

Ipopost ko na lang ang book cover pag meron na. If you have any further questions or kung gusto niyong maging updated add or follow me on my facebook account: https://www.facebook.com/rcmwp

FAQ and Book Covers

Here are the covers for the book I’ll be self-publishing soon.

FAQ

1. Magkano?

Individual copy: 500 (plus shipping fee)

Complete book set: 2000

The book set includes the following:

• A book box

• 4 Books (PC, RS, TPV, TBBAYS)

• Shipping fee

2. Paano kung may Phoenix Cordova book na ako? 

Pwede po kayong mag-avail ng 3 books na kasama ang book box basta may proof po na may PC book na kayo.

3. Magkano ang book set pag walang PC?

I’m still not sure how I’ll price it. Follow or add niyo na lang ako sa facebook account ko para maupdate kayo: facebook.com/rcmwp

4. Bakit ganyan ang cover? Paano ko itatago yan sa parents ko?

If you need to hide it, you’re too young for it  haha

I’m actually considering adding a lock for the book box. (Di pa sure yan)

5.  Paano kung gusto ko ng apat na libro ng isang title lang? Meron pa rin bang book box?

No. Kailangan po kumpleto silang apat. 

6. Kailan ang order at payment period?

Baka maaga akong mag accept ng orders para sa mga mag-aavail ng book set para alam ko na kung ilan book box ang ipagagawa ko. Sa December na siguro pero para lang yung sa book set. Yung mga bibili ng individual copy at ang payment, Jan-March pa rin.

7. May additional chapters ba?

Yes, lahat ng books may additional chapters.

8. Do you ship internationally?

Hindi po. Mostly because it’s time-consuming, inconvenient, and a bit pricey. Mahirap na rin baka mawala ang books at hindi makarating sa inyo. I don’t want to worry about the books getting lost or delayed. 

Pwede po kayong umorder at ipaship niyo na lang sa kakilala niyo dito sa Pilipinas. :)

If you have any further questions that are not covered above, please add or follow me on my facebook acount: 

facebook.com/rcmwp

Facebook name: Rain Gastelier