Notes

⚠️ DISCLAIMER ⚠️

This story is not suitable for young readers. It contains R18 content, themes of cheating , and hate . Reader discretion is advised.

Please note: This is a work of fiction . The author does not intend to cause harm but rather to open the reader’s mind.

All names, characters, places, and events are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or real events is purely coincidental.

No part of this story may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods—without prior written permission from the author, except for brief quotations used in reviews or other noncommercial purposes permitted by copyright law.

All Rights Reserved ©2022

Mhadztngsn

『••✎••』

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Prologue

Sometimes, I feel like no one really wants me here. Like I’m the problem in everyone’s life. The heavy baggage my family wishes they could throw away. The friend who was never anyone’s favorite.

Ito siguro ang dahilan kung bakit marami ang pinipiling maging makasalanan. Dahil sa ganitong pakiramdam—yung pakiramdam na parang walang tama sa buhay mo.

And that’s why I chose to be a sinner. A sin I knew could never be forgiven, but I still chose it anyway.

Dahil doon ko lang naramdaman na may oras at panahon para sa’kin. Doon ko naramdaman ang panandaliang saya. Doon ko naramdaman ang pagmamahal at atensyon na matagal ko nang hinahanap sa sarili kong pamilya.

But while I was busy holding on to that happiness, I ended up hurting the people I hated the most. And because of that hate, I blinded myself to my own mistakes— chasing revenge that, in the end, only broke me deeper than anyone else ever could.

Maybe… this is the price of my sin.

Maybe happiness was never meant for someone like me.

Because why does it have to be so hard, so impossible for me to feel happy?

Why does it feel like my dreams are always just out of reach?

It might sound petty to someone who’s never felt the pain of being ignored by the very people who were supposed to be your home.

•••

Hi, Mhadicz! This story is currently under editing, and the title has been changed from Enticing Sin to The Price of a Sinner.

Thank you! ♡

Please follow me on my socials to stay updated! ♡

Chapter 1

“Cheers!”

“So, what are the plans for this Christmas season?” Rein asked, raising her glass.

Sab’s eyes lit up. “Oo nga! Are we traveling somewhere? Beach?”

I took a sip of my cocktail and shrugged. Kahit saan, game ako. Basta sila ang kasama ko, walang problema.

“Beach? Seriously, Sab? Ang lamig ng panahon!” Aicka chimed in with a teasing grin. “Mas maganda kung may kasama tayong pampainit.”

“Bet ko ‘yon!” mabilis kong sagot. We all locked eyes for a moment, the kind of stare that carried a whole conversation without saying a word. Seconds later, we burst out laughing, as if our silent banter had been loud enough for everyone to hear.

That’s how it was with us. Kilala mo na talaga ang isa’t isa kung kahit tinginan lang, gets nyo na. Lalo na kapag sabay-sabay kayong namimintas sa mga taong hindi niyo feel, lahat nasabi na sa tingin pa lang.

“So, saan nga ba tayo this Christmas, habang wala pa tayong pampainit?” Sab pressed again.

“Let’s try Baguio. What do you think, girls?” Rein suggested casually from where she lounged on the couch, legs crossed like a queen.

“Sure!” Aicka answered first.

“No problem,” Sab followed. Then all eyes turned to me, waiting for my answer.

“Oh, obviously! I always count on you people, no matter where you travel.”

We’d been friends since high school, four women cut from the same cloth. Adventurous, spontaneous, always craving the next thrill. Hiking, swimming, traveling—name it, we’d done it.

Sabrina was practically born into fashion. Her family owned PUP Magazine, a well-known brand not just in the Philippines but also in Paris. She strutted down the runway modeling their own designs, like she was born to own the spotlight.

Rein? CEO material since day one. She built her own jewelry and bag line, and in just a few years, she was running ten branches.

Aicka, on the other hand, managed several malls in Batangas—a true businesswoman with the sharpest instincts.

And me? I owned The Craft Liquor, the very bar we were sitting in right now. One of the high-class bars in Taal, with three branches scattered across Batangas. My pride, my baby, my proof that I’d carved a place for myself too.

“Oh… what a beautiful view,” Aicka suddenly murmured, biting her lip. Her eyes were glued to the entrance.

Sabay-sabay kaming tumingin kung saan siya nakatingin.

Four men walked in, slow and deliberate, like the room had been waiting just for them.

Head-turners. Their presence alone demanded attention. They looked powerful, looked older than us, like the kind of men who ran empires.

“Sugar daddy!” Rein practically purred, her eyes following them hungrily.

“Fuck! Ang hot!” Sab whispered in awe.

I couldn’t blame them. These men weren’t just attractive, they were magnetic. Everything from their posture to their clothes screamed authority, maturity, and money.

They made their way to the counter, laughing softly among themselves. And that’s when one of them caught my eye.

He was wearing a black long-sleeved polo, sleeves rolled up neatly to his elbows. The top three buttons were undone, teasing the firm chest beneath. A silver necklace hung around his neck, its square pendant resting against his skin—casually trapped between his teeth as he bit it. His long hair was tied back, revealing an undercut that added a sharpness to his look. From head to toe, everything about him shouted luxury.

“Ngayon ko lang sila nakita rito. Dayo?” Aicka asked curiously.

“Maybe? Ngayon ko lang din sila nakita e,” I admitted.

We couldn’t stop staring. Thank God they hadn’t noticed us yet.

“Let’s play!” Rein suddenly blurted, making us all jump.

My brows knitted together. “Ano na namang laro ‘yan?”

“Larong alam kong magugustuhan niyo.” Her mischievous grin said it all.

We cleared the glasses from the table, leaving only one empty bottle. Rein grabbed it, holding it up like a trophy.

“Walang truth, ha. Dare lang,” she reminded us.

“Alam na namin ‘yan! Go na! Baka maunahan pa ako sa aking dadeh,” Sab teased, making us all laugh again.

Rein spun the bottle. Seconds ticked by, my nerves humming as I wondered where it would land.

“Woah!” Rein gasped when it stopped—on her.

“Sandali!” Aicka cut in quickly. “Sabihin muna natin kung sino mga natipuhan natin sa apat. Baka mamaya, pareho pala ang target. Hindi ako magpapaubaya, tss.”

“Fine…” Rein sighed. We all nodded in agreement.

“’Yong mukhang bad boy—” she started.

“Gaga! Lahat sila mukhang bad boy!” Sab interrupted, making us snort.

And she was right. They all had that dangerous edge.

“Sorry. Okay, ‘yong naka-white polo, unbuttoned din. Kita ang dibdib,” Rein clarified.

“Sa akin ‘yong naka-fitted red shirt. Ang yummy, bakat ang abs!” Aicka chimed in, biting her lip again, practically swooning.

That left me and Sab. My stomach twisted, please, not the same one.

“Naka-long sleeves…” Sab began. My heart dropped. Two of them were wearing long sleeves. Shit. Sino sa kanila?

“…na white,” she finished.

I exhaled in relief.

“Okay, ikaw, Mifi? May kahati ka ba sa amin?”

I shook my head confidently. “Naka-black long sleeves. Mine agad!”

“Gaga! Aalamin pa lang natin ang pangalan nila ngayong gabi. Don’t get ahead of yourself,” Rein scolded.

“Ah, pangalan pa lang ba? Akala ko iuuwi na agad,” I shot back playfully, earning a round of laughter.

“Game na!” Rein stood up, fixing her hair. She pulled a bottle of perfume from her bag and practically bathed herself in it. “Buti na lang may tama na ng espiritu ng alak! Hooo!”

“Kaya ‘yan! Malay mo, siya na si Mr. Right!” I teased. She rolled her eyes at me before walking away.

We watched her approach the men. She slid onto the seat beside them, flipping her hair and leaning in close to the bartender like she was in a movie. Within moments, she had their attention.

A few minutes later, she returned with a triumphant smile.

“Daniel,” she reported, sinking back into her seat.

She spun the bottle again. This time it landed on Aicka.

Just like Rein, Aicka’s dare was quick. A short chat, a coy smile, then she was back.

“Jinx,” she announced proudly.

Sab’s turn came next, and she returned just as swiftly.

“Prince,” she said with a grin.

Finally, my turn. I sprayed on my perfume, steadying myself as I stood. The alcohol buzz made the floor sway slightly beneath me, but I walked with purpose.

“Go, Mifi!” they cheered in unison.

At the counter, the staff immediately noticed me.

“Ma’am Mifi, cocktail pa po sa table niyo?” Ben asked politely.

“Yeah,” I answered with a smile, aware of the men’s eyes on me now.

I turned to them, smiling warmly. “Hi! I’m the owner of this bar. I hope you’re enjoying your night, gentlemen.”

“Oh, pleasure to meet you, Miss…?” Rein’s crush, Daniel, asked.

“Just call me Mifi. Nice to meet you too, Mister…?” I pretended not to know.

“Daniel,” he said, offering his hand.

“Jinx,” Aicka’s guy introduced.

“Prince,” Sab’s man followed.

Finally, I looked at him—my target. He hadn’t looked away from me since I arrived.

I smiled sweetly. “And you are?”

Even in the dim light, he was stunning. Brown eyes that pulled you in, thick brows, sharp jaw, pink lips I could already imagine tasting—shit. He licked his lower lip, wetting it. That’s when I saw it.

A tongue piercing.

Fuck.

My pulse skipped. He hadn’t even spoken yet and I was already gone. And then, when he did, when I heard his voice—it was game over.

“Aldous Delwyn. Just call me Dos.”

Holy shit. Take me now. Or better yet…let me take him.

Chapter 2

“Ganda ng ngiti, a!” ani Aicka mula sa couch habang papalapit ako pabalik sa table namin matapos makausap ang apat na lalaki.

“Ang ha-hot nila, ‘no? Ang babango pa! Jusko! Gusto ko na agad i-uwi si Daniel, my love!” Rein squealed softly, half-hiding her excitement. Naupo ako sa tabi ni Sab, habang kaharap naman namin si Rein at Aicka.

Tumikhim ako para maitago ang kilig na kanina ko pa pinipigilan mula nang makaharap ko si Dos.

“Kalma lang kayo, tangina! Nakatingin na sila sa gawi natin.”

Pasimpleng lumingon ang tatlo, at mabilis na nag-ayos bigla ng kanilang upo, parang walang nangyari.

“Grabe sila makatingin, jusko! Minus points na naman ako sa langit nito. Iba naiisip ko kapag tinitignan nila ako,” bulong ni Sab habang tinatakpan ng cocktail glass ang bibig niya.

“Grabe ka! Wet ka na agad sa tingin pa lang?!” Rein shot back, swirling the ice in her glass. “Ang bilis mo, ha!”

“Gaga! Hindi wet agad! Pero swear, feeling ko hinuhubaran na ako kapag tinititigan niya ako! Gosh! Ang kupad pa, ang tagal magyaya na magpahinga kami. Kunwari lasing na lasing na ako, ganern!”

“Pinagbabawal na technique ‘yon, Sab!” natatawa kong singit, and the whole table burst out laughing.

When it was just us four, walang filter ang usapan. Bastusan, kalokohan, walang hiya-hiya. That was our safe space. Sa trabaho kasi, kailangan classy, professional. Pero sa ganitong set-up? No walls, just us.

“Hi.”

The voice made us freeze. Our heads snapped toward the sound, and our eyes widened.

“Can we join you, girls? If you don’t mind?”

Dahan-dahan kaming lumingon.

“A-ah… s-sure! No problem!” nauutal kong sagot, bago ako tumikhim sa mga kaibigan ko para bumalik sila sa sarili.

“Y-Yeah… sure!” Sab added quickly.

Nagkanya-kanya ng upo ang apat, at sa ikinagulat namin, tumabi sila mismo sa amin. Kung sino ang target ng bawat isa, siya rin ang katabi.

Oh, shit. He smells expensive.

Napalapit ako sa gilid nang umupo si Dos sa tabi ko. Hinila ko pababa ang skirt dahil feeling ko sobra yatang nakikita ang legs ko.

He leaned back, draped his arm over the back of my chair, and crossed his legs like it was second nature. When I glanced at my friends—well, they were already busy chatting with the people next to them.

Woah. Kanina lang, mga pabebe pa. Ngayon, parang matagal nang magkakakilala. Tss.

“So, you’re the one who owns this famous bar?” Dos asked, his voice low but steady.

“Yeah…”

“Hmm. Nice. I like it here.” His gaze wandered around the place, sharp yet approving.

“Really? Thank you.”

“How old are you?” Bigla niyang tanong, at napaangat ako ng tingin. Mas matangkad siya, kaya kailangan ko pang tumingala ng kaunti.

“I’m 23, why?”

His brows lifted, eyes slowly raking over me.

“You’re just 23 and you already own a bar?”

“Yeah. What’s wrong with that? I’m not a minor.”

“I’m not saying you are,” he chuckled lightly. “I’m just… amused. At such a young age, business-minded ka na.”

The amusement was obvious on his face.

“Woah! Wait—” I tilted my head, teasing. “You sound like an old man. How old are you?”

“Twenty-six,” he replied seriously.

My gaze dropped again to his lips, couldn’t help it. He was playing with that tongue piercing like it was a habit.

Twenty-six. Not bad.

“Oh… not too old,” I muttered.

“Yeah?”

There he went again, catching his piercing between his teeth. My eyes stayed glued to it, traitor that I was.

God, he was hot from every angle.

“Masakit ba ‘yan?” I asked, finally dragging my eyes back up to his.

His gaze locked with mine, brown, heavy-lidded, dangerously enticing.Bad boy eyes, but not the kind that scared you. If anything, they promised trouble—the kind that’s hard to resist.

“Sa una…” he said softly, never breaking eye contact.

Then he leaned closer, one knee folding onto the couch so he could face me fully. He propped his temple against his fist on the backrest, our faces now just inches apart.

Shit. Too close.

He reached out with his left hand, tucking a stray strand of my hair behind my ear.

“Do you… have a boyfriend?” he asked slowly.

“W-wala…” My throat bobbed as I swallowed hard. Every move he made had me on edge.

Nakakailang, tangina. And yet… I didn’t want to pull away.

His scent…fresh cologne mixed with a faint trace of alcohol, wrapped around me.

“Why? You’re beautiful,” he said simply.

My pulse spiked. “I don’t do serious relationships. I’m just… enjoying my life.”

He studied me quietly for a few seconds. The noise of the bar seemed to fade, like we were the only ones there. Then he gave me a nod.

“Good for you. Enjoy it while you’re still young…”

Ayun na naman. Tunog matanda na naman kung magsalita.

“Yeah—” I started, but he glanced at his phone, cutting me off.

He checked the caller ID, jaw tightening. But he didn’t answer.

“Shit,” he muttered under his breath. “I have to go. Nice to meet you, Mifi.”

Napamaang ako. Ang bilis naman? Bitin na bitin ako sa usapan namin.

Tumayo siya, towering over me, before turning to his friends.

“Let’s go. I need to leave. Magpapaiwan ba kayo?”

Agad na nag sitayuan ang tatlo.

“No!” they chorused.

“See you when I see you,” Dos said with a quick wink before walking off.

“Nice to meet you, girls!” Daniel added cheerfully, and the four of them exited the bar.

Our eyes followed them until they were out of sight.

“Tss. Ano ba ‘yan?! Hindi man lang nag-extend kahit isang gabi!” Rein groaned dramatically.

“Grabe ka naman! Extend agad? Gusto mo lang magpainit, girl!” Sab shot back.

“Syempre! Malamig kaya! Duh!”

“Hoy, gagi!” Aicka laughed at Rein’s bluntness.

I stayed quiet, staring into my glass. I didn’t know what to make of the rush inside me.

“Hoy, disappointed ka, girl? Hindi ka naka-booking?” Rein teased.

“Tss. Not that. It’s just… I felt something fishy about them. Basta. Don’t mind me,” I said with a shrug, taking a sip.

“Kung ano-ano ang naiisip mo! There’s nothing wrong with them. Stop stressing yourself!” Sab said, waving me off.

“Yeah! Sayang nga, ‘no? May kasama na sana tayo na magpapainit sa atin sa malamig na Baguio! Gosh!” Rein whined dramatically.

“What the heck, Rein!” Aicka couldn’t stop laughing at her antics.

“What? Don’t tell me hindi rin kayo nanghinayang? Hello! Walang tapon sa kanila! Those men are the standard—a total package!” Rein declared.

“Yeah, I agree. They’re really handsome and rich!” Sab nodded.

“And take note, they’re cousins! No wonder magaganda ang genes. Sarap magpalahi!” Aicka added with a playful sip of her cocktail.

“Look at this one, kunwari pa kanina, pero iba rin pala ang naiisip!” Rein shot back, tossing a tissue at her. Aicka only laughed harder.

“They’re cousins?” I asked. That shut them up for a moment.

“Yeah,” Sab answered finally. “The famous Heisenberg Cousins in their town.”

Buti pa sila, may matinong usapan kanina. Samantalang kami ni Dos? Wala man lang direksyon. Tss.

“Taga saan raw sila?”

“Lipa,” Aicka replied simply.

“Lipa?!” Napaupo ako nang diretso. “Nakarating sila rito sa Taal para lang mag-bar?!”

“Yeah, famous daw kasi itong bar mo, kaya tinry nila. Teka… hindi mo man lang ba naitanong ‘yon sa kausap mo?” Sab asked.

Napanguso ako bago uminom. “H-hindi…”

Paano ba naman kasi? Pakiramdam ko, hinaharot na agad ako ni Dos.

Tss. Sana magkita ulit kami. Sana mapadayo ulit sila rito.

Famous Heisenberg Cousins pala, huh?

Chapter 3

I got to the bar early and pretended to be busy with work. Since all my friends were tied up because of Christmas break’s coming, nothing was going to happen with us for weeks.

My phone rang. It was my mom while I was typing away on my laptop.

“Mom?”

[Can you come home for dinner tonight?]

I froze when I heard her. Where did that sudden invite come from? We’re not okay. I’m not okay with them.

“For what?” I asked.

[Your dad wants you to have dinner with us—]

“Is it for his business again?” pinutol ko siya agad. Alam ko na kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng tawag nila. Hindi nila ako tatawagan dahil lang sa miss nila ako. Tss.

I heard her sigh heavily. That’s why I left their house, because they kept using me for business. I left and we fought because I refused to follow in their footsteps and become CEO of our company. Because of that business, they lost time for me. They valued the company more than their child. And I hate it.

[Will you come?] she asked again.

“I don’t know. I’m busy.”

[Okay. I’ll tell your dad. Call me if you change your mind.]

I didn’t answer; Mom ended the call after a long exhale.

Nakatitig lang ako sa screen pagkatapos. Then I remember, they only remember me because of favors, because of business. Tsk. Nawalan na ako ng ganang tapusin ang ginagawa ko, kaya lumabas ako ng office at pumunta sa bar counter para umorder ng cocktail.

“Maaga pa po, Ma’am. May problema po ba kayo?” tanong ni Karlo, isa sa matagal ko nang bartender, habang nag hahalo ng alak sa harapan ko.

“As usual…my parents. But I’m fine, don’t worry.” I smiled at him as he worked.

There were a few customers even though it was early. We open at two p.m. and close at three a.m.

“Gaano ka na katagal hindi umuuwi, Ma’am?” tanong ni Karlo. Halos lahat ng staff ko alam ang  kwento tungkol sa pamilya ko at sa mga taong kasama ko mula noong magsimula akong mag business.

“As long as this bar’s been open,” I answered.

“Five years?!” Karlo gasped and stopped mid-mix.

“Yeah.”

“Hi!” We both stopped when a voice spoke behind me.

“Magandang hapon, sir. Ano po ang order niyo?” tanong ni Karlo.

“A bucket of beer,” the man behind me replied in a deep voice. The hair on my arms stood up at the sound, the voice sounded familiar so I turned slowly.

When I looked, he was already looking down at me; I was sitting.

“Hey!” he greeted with a smile, and I blanked for a second.

“O-oh hi! You came back? Are you with someone?” I asked, glancing behind him but seeing no one.

“Wala, ako lang mag-isa. Bawal ba kapag walang kasama?” Nakangiti niyang tanong.

“No, of course not!” mabilis kong sagot, at natawa naman siya.

“I thought it might be against the rules,” he joked.

“Tss. You don’t need to come in a group to go to a bar.”

“Excuse me, sir, bucket of beer.” Karlo set the beer in front of the man who was sitting on a high stool next to mine.

“Thank you!” the man said to Karlo before turning back to me. I nodded to Karlo so he could leave us alone, and he moved away.

“So, what brings you here this early?” I asked, taking a sip of my cocktail.

“Nothing much. I’m bored and a little in a bad mood. I need some alone time.”

“Alone time? So I have to leave so you can be alone?” I teased. His eyebrows knit together and he paused, mid-sip of his beer.

“Leave?” he asked, puzzled.

“Eskapu? Go away? You said you needed alone time, so I thought you wanted to be left alone.”

“Oh… no, I don’t need that. It’s actually better if there’s someone to talk to. I felt a little unsatisfied with our conversation last time,” he said.

“Really? Saan ka dun nabitin?”

Tiningnan niya ko ng ilang segundo, tapos ngumisi. “In general. I don’t like being left hanging,  especially when it’s the exciting part,” he said seriously, still looking into my eyes.

I found him hot. Fuck. Why are my thoughts getting dirty? Is it just me? Tss.

“Alin ba ang exciting part doon na nabitin ka? Pwede naman natin ituloy,” pagsakay ko sa gusto nitong usapan at nagpalumbaba paharap sa kanya. Madali naman ako kausap, gustong-gusto ko rin naman lalo na kung sa kanya.

He spun my seat so I faced him. He took my legs in his hands and playfully squeezed them..

“You told me last time you didn’t have a boyfriend, right?” he asked softly.

“Yeah.”

“And you don’t make a commitment, am I right?”

“Yeah…” I replied.

He bit his lower lip and played with his piercing with his tongue. I watched him do it.

“Are you into flirting? Like, the no-label thing — doing couple-y things without actually labeling it?” he asked.

I knew where this was going. And I liked it.

“Of course. How about you?” I asked.

“Yeah, if it’s with you…” his answer sounded like an invitation. I raised an eyebrow and bit my lip.

“What do you mean?” Tanong ko pa para masiguradong tama ang naiisip ko.

“I want to try the no-label thing,  flirting, but with you only. What do you think?” He squeezed my leg again, still playing with his piercing.

I stared at him for a few seconds before answering. Who would refuse that? Hello?! Just being with him would be enough!

“Siguro…pwede natin pag-usapan ’yan sa office ko habang umiinom. Gusto mo?” alok ko.

His eyes changed when he heard that; they were filled with lust. “Sure. Tamang-tama, kailangan ko ng masarap na pulutan. ’Yong hindi ako mauumay.” Nakangiting sabi pa nito kaya napangiti rin naman ako.

We stood up with our drinks and headed to my office. I opened the door for him, smiling.

“Come in, welcome to my office slash bedroom,” I laughed.

He went in, looking around. I locked the door right after.

“Bedroom?” he asked.

“Yeah, that door to your right is my bedroom here. Madalas kapag lasing ako, hindi na ako umuuwi sa condo. Dito na lang ako natutulog.” Medyo awkward pero totoo.

“Oh… nice office.” He sat beside me on the sofa and put his beer on the coffee table. He faced me and pulled me closer by my waist. “So, about what we were talking about earlier… are you in?”

“Hmmm… no labels?” I asked, nodding. “But we’ll do the normal couple things, right?”

“Yeah…” he answered.

“Like holding hands, hugging, cuddling, kissing?” I asked again. He looked at me seriously.

“Yes. It can even be more than that. But the rule is: don’t demand a label. Don’t expect it. Don’t fall in love.”

That was fine with me, I didn’t want commitment with anyone. I also didn’t think I’d fall for him.

“One more thing,” he added before I could answer. “This stays between us.”

Secret? 

“If it’s secret, can I still flirt with others? Since you have no right to me, and I have no right to you? Right?”

“Yes,” he said.

“Sure! I agree!” I smiled. He grinned at my agreement.

“Okay then, let’s start the agreement today,” he said, and grabbed my lips in a kiss. I kissed him back. I felt his tongue probe whenever he slipped it into my mouth.

After that, the next thing I knew we were walking into my room with no space between us, kissing passionately.

Chapter 4

| WARNING: RATED SPG 🔞 | Bawal sa’yo ’to kaya ’wag kang ma-excite, oy! Baka katabi mo pa parents mo, kutos ang aabutin mo!

『••✎••』

We stumbled into my room in the office, lips locked in a passionate kiss. He pinned me against the door, his lips trailing down from my jaw to my neck. I couldn’t stop the moan that escaped my lips.

“Ohhh…”

Habang hinahalikan niya ang leeg ko, dahan-dahan niyang ibinaba ang zipper ng dress ko sa likod. Nang tuluyan itong bumagsak sa sahig, tanging nipple tape at panty na lang ang natira sa suot ko.

“What’s this thing?” he asked, eyeing the small patch on my breast.

“Nipple tape,” I answered, a little breathless.

“Oh. Okay.”

He peeled it off and tossed it carelessly somewhere.

What the fuck! Baka kung saan pa kumapit ’yon!

I was about to complain about what he did, but another moan slipped past my lips before I could speak.

“Oh, shit…”

He sucked on my breast gently, his tongue teasing my nipple as the cold metal of his tongue piercing grazed against my skin.

While his mouth alternated between my breasts, one of his hands slid down to my panties. He started caressing my pearl over the thin fabric and it was getting wetter with every touch.

“Ah!” I moaned, eyes fluttering shut.

His lips returned to mine, hungry and full of desire. Soon, they began trailing downward again, his hands never leaving my aching core. I thought he’d stop at my breasts, but then I felt the warmth of his breath against my stomach.

“Oh God!” I gasped, eyes squeezing shut as waves of pleasure coursed through me.

He slid my panties down and hooked one of my legs over his shoulder.

“W-What are you doing?” I asked, breathless from the sensation. He glanced up at me, biting his lip with a wicked look.

“I want to taste you.”

“Pero—ohh!” My protest melted into a moan as his tongue traced along my lower abdomen, making me tilt my head back in pleasure. My hands fumbled for something to hold onto until I finally tangled them in his hair.

He slipped a finger inside me, and the feeling was pure heaven.

“Fuck, Dos!”

“I know. That’s just one finger… wait for the other.”

As his finger moved in and out of me, his tongue joined in the rhythm, the cold touch of his piercing sending delicious shivers down my spine.

Then he pushed a second finger inside, stretching me perfectly.

“Ohhh… fuck, Dos! Faster!” I moaned, my grip on his hair tightening.

“My pleasure, dear,” he growled.

His fingers thrust into me harder, deeper, faster and with every movement, he drank in every drop of me, his tongue lapping hungrily. The pleasure was overwhelming. It had been so long since the last time I’d had sex with my ex-fling, felt like a lifetime ago and now it was as if I was experiencing it all for the first time again.

“Ah! Ah! Ah! Dos, shit!” I cried out, my body trembling. I’d lost count of how many times I came, and each time, his tongue was there to catch it all. He held my leg firmly as he devoured me, not stopping for a second.

After I came over and over, he finally stood up from kneeling in front of me, wiping his lips slowly then licking them seductively while locking eyes with me. That gaze alone made my body ache for more.

I couldn’t stop myself anymore. I grabbed him and flipped our positions, pinning him against the door this time, surprising him.

“Woah! Aggressive!” he chuckled.

“You drove me crazy earlier, Dos. Now it’s my turn.”

“Fuck! I can’t wait. Go ahead.”

I hurriedly unbuttoned and stripped off his black long-sleeved polo. I froze for a second when I saw the tattoo inked on his chest — a dragon coiled around a rose. Then I went for his belt, undoing it with ease before sliding his pants down.

My eyes widened as I knelt before him, now only in his boxers.

“Oh fuck… mukhang malaki!” I blurted out, staring at the outline straining against the fabric. I glanced up when I heard Dos’ soft chuckle.

“What more kapag nasa labas na ’yan? Baka lalo kang magulat,” he teased, and that alone made me even more excited.

“Really? Let me see then,” I said, biting my lip as anticipation burned inside me. Dos swallowed hard, his gaze never leaving mine.

“Do what you want… but be gentle. Huwag mo masyadong panggigigilan, baka hindi ka makalakad kapag ako ang nanggigil,” he smirked darkly.

Slowly, I pulled his boxers down and swallowed hard at the sight that greeted me.

Malaki nga. Galit na galit. Nagngangalit ang mga ugat. Fuck… it looks so good.

“Grabe… parang ’yong tindang upo sa palengke!” I joked breathlessly, earning a wicked grin from Dos at my reaction.

“Hold it,” he ordered.

I wrapped my fingers around him, and even then, they barely met, he was that thick.

So hard…

When I looked up at Dos, his lips were caught between his teeth, eyes fluttering shut from the sensation. His reaction made me bolder. Slowly, I ran my tongue over his tip, teasing him.

“Oh, fuck…” he groaned, his voice strained.

I tried to take more of him into my mouth, but he was too much! I could only manage half.

“Mifi… faster. Shit… this is heaven,” he urged, his hand gently gripping my hair.

I laughed breathlessly between movements. “Ang galing niyo palang mag-pony ng buhok kapag niluluhuran.”

Then I took him again, this time moving faster, giving him exactly what he wanted.

“Oh… oh… fuck!” he moaned again and again, his body trembling under my touch.

I trailed soft kisses lower, tasting every inch of him, and his breathing turned ragged. Moments later, he reached his peak, his body shuddering as he surrendered completely to the pleasure.

“Shit, Mifi… you’re driving me insane.”

I stood and walked toward the bathroom to freshen up, but before I could even recover, Dos followed and in one swift, breathless motion, he pulled me close from behind, his hands gripping my waist with heated urgency.

“Ah… ah…” I gasped, my palms braced against the sink as his movements grew deeper, more demanding. He was relentless, his breaths heavy and warm against my neck.

“Shit, Mifi… you feel so good,” he murmured, watching the way our bodies moved together in the mirror.

I met his gaze in the reflection, cheeks flushed, body trembling. “Maybe it’s because you’re too big… ah!”

“Fuck… but I love it,” he groaned, lifting one of my legs slightly to deepen the angle, his pace growing more intense.

“I’m close… oh, shit…” he rasped, and with a few more fervent movements, he reached his breaking point, both of us breathless and trembling in the aftermath of it all.

I was gasping for air, my knees weak as I held onto the sink for support.

Without a word, Dos swept me off my feet and carried me into the shower. The water cascaded down our bodies as we stood beneath it, but instead of simply washing off, his lips found mine once more.

“Ohhh…” I moaned softly as his kisses trailed down to my neck, igniting the fire all over again.

He lifted me easily, my legs instinctively wrapping around his waist. Step by step, he carried me to the bathtub and sat down with me still in his arms, straddling him.

“Drive,” he whispered against my ear.

I raised myself slightly and slowly lowered down onto him, a deep, shared moan escaping our lips as we moved together.

“Hmmm…” he groaned, his hands firm on my waist as I began to move, lost in the rhythm of our bodies.

“Oh… ah… ah…” I gasped, the steam around us mixing with the heat of our breaths and the passion between us.

We didn’t stop there, once wasn’t enough. We gave in to desire again… and again… until exhaustion finally claimed us.

By the time we made it back to the bed, our bodies were spent and our hearts were still racing. We fell asleep side by side, wrapped in each other’s warmth, too tired and too satisfied to say a word.

Chapter 5

Nagising ako na wala na ang lalaki sa tabi ko. Napangiti na lang ako sa kawalan habang unti-unting bumabalik sa isip ko ang mga nangyari kanina.

God… his body was perfect. That tattoo on the side of his ribs looked insanely sexy. And…ugh! He was so damn good. So unfair.

I bit my lip at the thought. I’d just woken up, yet here I was, already having indecent thoughts. Tss.

My legs still felt weak as I pushed myself up from the bed in my office. My body was sore, probably because I’d been out of practice for too long. After going that hard with Dos, I felt like I’d been run over. I was about to stand when something on the bedside table caught my eye — a small sticky note. I picked it up and read what was written there.

See you when I see you.

Call or text me if you miss me.

0997 ****** – Dos*

Napangisi ako habang binabasa ito, at agad kong kinuha ang phone ko para i-save ang number niya. Mamaya ko na lang siya tatawagan.

Baka isipin na-miss ko agad siya… kahit totoo naman.

After taking a shower and slipping into fresh clothes, I got myself ready and stepped out of my office with a smile on my face. The bar was already filling up, it was nighttime, after all. Apparently, Dos and I had started our little “miracle” earlier than I thought. I shook my head with a smile as I walked to the bar counter, where Karlo gave me a knowing look.

“What?” tanong ko.

“Mukhang maganda ang mood mo, Ma’am.”

“Masyado bang halata?” natatawa kong sagot.

“Tss. Sobrang halata,” sagot niya habang nagtitimpla ng alak.

“Don’t mind me. Bagong ligo lang ako kaya ganito.”

“Okay po, sabi niyo eh. Oo nga po pala, kanina pa po kayo hinahanap ng mga kaibigan niyo. Nasa VIP room.” Sabay turo niya sa itaas.

Pagtingin ko, nakatingin na sa akin ang mga kaibigan ko, parehong nakataas ang mga kilay. Dahil salamin ang VIP room, kita namin ang isa’t isa.

“Tss. Ang aga naman nila. Paano kikita ang bar ko kung sila ang suki?”

“Hakot customer din naman sila, Ma’am. Maraming lalaki ang dumdayo rito para makita sila.”

Natawa ako. “Baka naman magpauna ka pa? Napaka-torpe mo ha!”

He just sighed, and I walked away with a smirk. I knew he liked one of my friends, but since they were all so intimidating, he always chickened out. What a waste.

I climbed the stairs to the VIP room, bracing myself for the onslaught of teasing I was about to get. Just from their looks earlier, I knew they knew something.

“Ang aga niyo naman palugihin ang bar ko,” bungad ko habang umuupo sa tabi ni Aicka na may matalim na tingin.

“ASB ang ateng oh!” sabi nito, kaya agad din akong tinignan nina Sab at Rein.

“Oh, edi sana all!” ani Sab sabay irap.

“Tss. Talas talaga ng pang-amoy ng isang ’to,” biro ko.

“Girl, hindi lang kita naamoy, kitang-kita ! ASB ka — After Sex Blooming ! Naka-ilang rounds? Sino ’yon?” sunod-sunod na tanong ni Aicka.

“Masarap ba siya?” tanong ni Sab habang nakakagat-labi.

“Magaling?” dagdag pa ni Rein sabay lagok ng alak.

I didn’t even know who to answer first, but just thinking about what happened earlier made me smile again. How Dos devoured me, how we both moaned and lost ourselves to it, how many times we did it.

“Damn it!” Aicka shouted, hitting me with a throw pillow. “That’s the smile of victory! I knew it!”

“Hoy! Share mo naman, girl! I-kwento mo nang detailed !” ani Sab, nagtaas-baba pa ng kilay.

“Baka pwede mong sagutin muna ang mga tanong namin? Hindi ’yong mukha kang aso d’yan na nakangiti mag-isa?” mataray na wika ni Rein.

“Tss. Sandali lang! Ang dami nyong tanong, hindi kayo makapaghintay na magsalita ako.”

“Ano na nga?!” sabay-sabay nilang tanong.

“ Mesherep… “ sabi ko habang kinikilig, kaya tinignan nila ako nang masama.

“Ano pa? Damihan mo naman ang kuwento! Hindi nakakatuwang mabitin!” giit ni Aicka.

“Tss. Problema nito? Tigang ka?” asar ko.

“Dalian mo na kasi!”

“Tss. Fine… of course it was good. How many rounds? Hmm…” I pretended to think, which made their eyes widen.

“Damn! You lost count?!” Sab gasped.

“Idiot! Just three—”

“Three?!” they all shrieked at once.

“Oo, bakit? Kakaunti ba?”

“Tangina, girl! Nakakalakad ka pa? Kanina lang ’yan?” tanong ni Aicka.

“Oo, mga one siguro ng hapon hanggang four? Hindi ko sure—”

“Hanep! Buhay ka pa?! Pinaspas niyo ata! Nagmamadali ba kayo?” tawa ni Sab.

“Who is he? Someone you’ve been flirting with for a while?” Rein asked seriously.

“Hmmm… I’d met him once before, and today was the second time. We went straight to my office—”

“What?!” they all yelled, cutting me off.

Sab leaned forward, looking scandalized. “Dalawang beses mo pa lang nakilala, nagpasagad ka na agad?!”

“Natatluhan ka agad?!” dagdag ni Rein.

“Sobrang galing ba kaya ninamnam mo masyado?” tanong ni Aicka.

Buti na lang at kami-kami lang dito dahil kung may ibang makarinig, siguradong mapapahiya ako. Kung titignan kami, para kaming kagalang-galang at mahinhin. Pero sa totoo lang, bastusan kaming apat kung mag-usap. That’s what happens when you’re comfortable with each other… no filter, no shame.

“Wanna know who’s behind my ASB?” I asked with a smirk.

“Of course!”

“One of the Heisenberg cousins—”

“Shit!”

“Really?!”

“F*ck!”

Their reactions were priceless.

“Ang bilis niyo!” ani Aicka.

“Shit! Daks ba?” tanong ni Sab. Napakagat-labi ako, pinipigilan ang ngiti.

“Ahhh!” sigaw ni Sab. “Shit! Kung daks si Dos, hindi malabong daks silang lahat! Sana all talaga, Mifi!”

“Kayo na agad? Ang bilis naman?” tanong ni Rein. Unti-unting nawala ang ngiti ko.

“We’re not together, Rein,” I said seriously, which made all three of them fall silent.

“What? Why not?”

“Tss. Do I really need to say it? Hello? We’re just having fun — flirting, playing around. That’s it.”

“But don’t you like him? Wouldn’t you say yes if he asked you to be his girlfriend—”

“He hasn’t asked,” I cut Aicka off.

“He hasn’t? Tss. So he just wants something casual?” Sab asked.

“Yeah…” I sighed. “We had an agreement. This is all we are, no labels, just… just fuck buddies. That’s it.” I grabbed my glass and took a sip.

“And you’re fine with that? You agreed to it?” Rein asked, her tone serious.

“Oo. Do’n naman ako sanay. Ayoko ng commitment. Ayoko ng sakit ng ulo.”

Totoo naman. Hindi ko gusto ang seryosong relasyon dahil alam kong masasakal lang ako. Mas gusto kong malaya ako, nagagawa ko ang gusto ko, walang humahawak.

“Alright. If you say so. Just make sure he’s not the first man to ever make you cry. You’d better stick to what you said,” Rein warned sternly.

“Yeah, of course…” was all I could reply.

We changed the topic after that. Maybe Rein thought I was serious about Dos. Sure, I’d said I liked him, but that didn’t mean I’d fall for him. That’s why I agreed to this kind of setup, so I could stay free. We could make each other feel good without the strings.

Hindi naman ako mahuhulog. Wala pa ’yon sa vocabulary ko. Ayoko pa ng sakit ng ulo.

Chapter 6

Ilang araw na ang lumipas mula nang huli kong makita ang mga kaibigan ko at ilang araw na rin simula nang huli naming pagkikita ni Dos. Tinext ko siya isang beses pero hindi siya nag-reply. Hindi ko na inulit, iniisip ko na lang na baka busy siya. Pero nang halos isang linggo na ang lumipas, hindi ko na napigilan at tinawagan ko siya ulit.

Ngumiti ako nang sagutin niya agad sa pangatlong ring.

“Hey,” I greeted softly, biting my lip for no reason. I hated to admit it, but I missed the scent of him. I missed the way his touch felt against my skin.

I spun my swivel chair around and stared out the wide glass window of my office above the bar.

[Hi. Missed me already?]

“Hmmm… sort of,” I answered with a small smile.

[ Sorry… I’ve been busy these past few days. That’s why I couldn’t call or text.]

“Yeah, I figured. I’m fine, don’t worry. I was just… concerned. But if you’re just busy, then I’m relieved.”

[Woah. Sweet…] he teased, followed by a low chuckle.

“Where are you now? Still busy?”

[Why? Do you want to see me?]

“Hmmm… What if my answer is yes? Would you come here just to see me?”

[Sad to say, but nah. I can’t leave right now. I have too much on my plate. Sorry.]

There was a faint sadness in his voice that made me feel guilty for even asking.

“Oh… That’s fine. I understand,” I said instead, even though a part of me felt disappointed.

[Don’t worry. I promise one of these days we’ll see each other again. I miss you.]

I bit my lip again, this time to stop myself from grinning. God, why did those words make my heart flutter like this?

“Sure. I’ll wait for that time,” I said, forcing myself to stay calm.

[ Okay, gonna hang up now. Take care, Mifi.]

“Okay. See you soon, Dos.”

He ended the call before I did. And yet I couldn’t stop smiling after. Shit. This is not good.

Binalik ko ang sarili ko sa trabaho… sumagot ng mga emails mula sa mga supplier ng alak, inayos ang payroll ng mga empleyado. Busy na rin ang mga kaibigan ko sa kanya-kanyang trabaho dahil malapit na ang Pasko.

Pagsapit ng gabi, naisipan kong dumalaw kina Mommy. Hindi ako nakadalaw noong nakaraan dahil alam kong puro tungkol sa negosyo na naman ang pag-uusapan. Kaya ngayon, naisip kong pumunta nang walang pasabi. This time, I wanted to go unannounced and let them be surprised by my presence.

Sure, we hadn’t been on good terms before I left, but they were still my parents. And no matter how strained things were, I couldn’t just turn my back on them.

Pagpasok ko pa lang ng bahay, iba na agad ang pakiramdam ko. Hinahanap ng mga mata ko sina Mommy at Daddy, pero hindi sila ang nakita ko.

Kundi ang taong pinaka ayaw kong makita.

Kailan pa siya nandito? Kaya ba hindi na nila ako kinulit na umuwi? Kasi nandito na siya? Ang paboritong bastarda.

“Oh hi, sistah!” masiglang bati ng babae. Nakaupo siya sa sofa, nagte-text, pero agad tumayo nang makita ako.

Tinitigan ko siya nang malamig. Lumapit siya para halikan ako pero umatras ako, kaya napahinto siya.

“You haven’t changed. Still Maldita. Didn’t you miss me?” she teased.

“Missed my ass,” I muttered flatly, my tone dripping with disinterest.

“Come on. We’re sisters, whether you like it or not. Just accept it and be nice to me.”

“You’re nothing but the result of a mistake,” I spat. “A termite that ruined life and the family I once had.”

The smile on her lips slowly vanished.

“You’re still the same…” she whispered weakly. “You still hate me. You still see me as a mistake. I don’t get it, Mifi. I never asked for this. I didn’t want to be an outcast. I didn’t want to be the child of a mistake. I don’t want this…” Nagsisimula nang mabasag ang boses niya, at unti-unti na ring nag-iipon ng luha ang mga mata niya.

Pero hindi ako nag paapekto. Sa tuwing nakikita ko siya, bumabalik lahat ng sakit ng nakaraan. Sa tuwing nakikita ko kung gaano siya kalapit kina Mommy at Daddy, nagagalit ako. Dahil ang atensyon at pagmamahal na dapat para sa akin dahil ako ang tunay na anak ay napunta sa kanya.

“Kung may pagpipilian lang ako,” tuloy niya habang umiiyak, “pipiliin kong huwag na lang mabuhay kung ganito lang din. Gusto ko lang naman ng pamilya. Pamilyang tatanggap sa akin at hindi isisisi sa akin ang pagkakamali ng nanay ko.”

“May choice ka,” malamig kong tugon. “At ’yon ay huwag mo nang isiksik ang sarili mo sa pamilya ko.”

“Mifi!” malakas na sigaw ni Daddy mula sa itaas ng hagdan. Galit na galit ang mukha niya habang bumababa. Napabuntong-hininga ako, siguradong ako na naman ang sisisihin.

“What are you doing?!” sigaw niya, pero hindi ako sumagot.

“Excuse me, punta lang po ako sa kwarto,” paalam ni Mili at dali-daling umalis.

Tss. Paawa na naman!

“Bakit kailangan mong sabihin ’yon sa kapatid mo?! Mifi! Kahit anong gawin mo, kapatid mo si Mili! Hindi mo na mababago ’yon!” sigaw ni Daddy. Sa gilid ng paningin ko, nakita ko si Mommy, tahimik lang, nakatingin, pero hindi lumalapit.

“Oh, I know I can’t change the mistake you made, Dad!” I snapped back, my voice rising with every word. He froze, eyes locked on mine. “I can’t change how this family fell apart because of your stupidity. But that doesn’t mean I have to accept it!”

Nagsisimula nang mangilid ang luha ko habang diretso kong tinitignan si Daddy.

“Kahit kailan, hindi maitatama ng pagkakamali ang isa pang pagkakamali, Dad. Nagkamali ka na noong nambabae ka, dinagdagan mo pa nang nagbunga ’yon. Hindi lang si Mommy ang niloko mo! Niloko mo ako! Niloko mo ako at pinaniwala mo ako sa mala-fairytale nating pamilya habang bumubuo ka ng happy ending sa iba!”

Napakagat-labi ako habang pinipigilan humikbi.

“Mifi…” malambing na tawag ni Mommy, sabay haplos sa braso ko, para pakalmahin ako.

“’Yong taas ng tingin ko sa’yo noon, ’yong mala-superhero kong tingin… naglaho na.” Huminga ako nang malalim, nanginginig ang boses. “How could you act as if you hadn’t done anything wrong? How could you not think of how much it hurt Mommy when you cheated on her and worse, made her the mother of your mistake? Huh? Really, Dad?”

I saw tears streaming down his cheeks, but I couldn’t stay there any longer. Shaking my head, I turned my back on both of them and walked out of the house.

Pagpasok ko sa kotse, doon ko na inilabas ang lahat ng hikbing kanina ko pa pinipigilan. Umiyak ako nang umiyak sa loob.

How could he live his life so normally?

Did it never occur to him how much it hurt Mom? Tangina…

Chapter 7

Bakit nga ba may mga magulang na parang bulag sa nararamdaman ng mga anak nila? Bakit may mga magulang na hindi man lang napapansin kung gaano kasakit para sa amin ang bawat maling desisyon na ginagawa nila? It’s selfish, isn’t it? Kids who have parents that actually listen and try to understand them… they’re lucky. They’re blessed. They have people who know them even in the smallest details because they care. Ako? Mapapa sana all na lang talaga. Tss.

Nagmaneho ako palayo sa bahay. Wala akong plano, wala ring malinaw na destinasyon. Basta ang mahalaga lang ngayon ay makalayo ako at mapag-isa. Gusto ko lang huminga, kahit saglit.

Ilang oras din akong nagda-drive kung saan-saan bago ako napadpad sa isang maliit na bar. Hindi naman ito mukhang tago, pero may kakaibang vibe. Maliit siya kung titignan sa labas pero classy, may dalawang bouncer sa pintuan, at ang pangalang Hide Out ay naka-neon lights na blue at red. Tahimik sa labas, walang ingay ng tugtugan o mga tambay sa paligid.

Pinark ko nang maayos ang kotse ko sa tapat at inayos muna ang sarili bago bumaba. Paglapit ko sa pintuan, hiningi ng mga bouncer ang ID ko. Pinakita ko ang driver’s license at agad nila akong pinapasok. Dalawang pinto pa ang dinaanan ko bago sumalubong ang tunog ng malakas na music at hiyawan sa loob.

“Nice bar,” I murmured to myself with a faint smile as I scanned the place.

The second floor had people drinking while overlooking the dance floor below. To my right was a long, polished bar counter with bartenders mixing drinks in rhythmic motion. To my left were cozy couches and tables under soft, dim lighting — perfect for hiding. And right in the middle, a wide dance floor pulsing with bodies moving in sync with the beat. You’d never guess this place was this big from the outside.

“Jose Cuervo,” I told the bartender as I settled onto a stool.

“Gold or silver, Ma’am?”

“Silver, please.”

“Right away.”

Moments later, a glass of tequila was in my hand. I drank silently, letting my thoughts spiral deeper. By the time I felt the buzz, I was already on the dance floor, swaying my body without a care in the world, as if dancing could erase everything weighing me down.

“Mind if I join you, sweetie?” a deep voice whispered behind me, a stranger’s hand snaking around my waist. I ignored him and kept moving, pretending he wasn’t there.

Pero ilang segundo lang, bigla siyang bumagsak sa sahig. Nagulat ako. Lahat ay napahinto, ako mismo ay nanlaki ang mga mata. Nakaupo na ang lalaki ngayon sa sahig, nagpapahid ng dugo sa labi.

“What the fuck?! What’s your problem, dude?” sigaw niya sa taong nasa likod ko.

“Don’t dude me. Stay away from my girl, fucker!” came a cold, low growl. I froze. That voice — I knew that voice. Slowly, I turned around.

It was Dos. And he wasn’t alone, his friends stood behind him, grinning at the scene. Dos’s eyes found mine, and when they did, I felt my heart leap to my throat. There was nothing but a heavy silence in his gaze, and yet it was enough to make me swallow hard.

Anong ginagawa nila rito? Kanina pa ba sila?

Bago pa ako makapagsalita, hinawakan niya na ako sa kamay at hinila palabas ng bar. Ang mga kaibigan niya, muntik pang manuntok ulit bago sumunod sa amin.

Tahimik akong nakatingin sa likod ni Dos habang hila-hila niya ako. Kahit likod lang ang nakikita ko, halata mo pa rin kung gaano siya ka guwapo. Tss.

“Where’s your key?” tanong niya nang makalabas kami ng bar.

“Nasa akin… b-bakit?” sagot ko.

“Tama nga naman, alangan namang nasa akin,” sabat ni Daniel, isa sa mga kaibigan niya, sabay tawa. Pero agad siyang sinamaan ng tingin ni Dos kaya natahimik ito. Ang dalawa pa, halatang pinipigilan lang ang tawa.

“Mauna na kayo,” utos ni Dos sa kanila.

“Dos,” seryosong tawag ni Prince, na ikinagulat ko. Lahat sila biglang naging seryoso, hindi ko alam kung bakit.

“Don’t worry, mag-iingat ako,” sagot ni Dos.

Mag-iingat? Bakit? Sa ano? May kaaway ba siya? May tinataguan? Sunod-sunod ang tanong sa utak ko habang nakatingin sa kanila.

“Make sure, dude. Make sure…” Jinx added.

“Wait! What’s going on? Why does he have to be careful?” I asked, unable to hold it in.

No one answered. They just stared at him. I turned to Dos, demanding an explanation.

“It’s nothing serious—”

“‘Nothing serious,’ my ass!” I snapped. His brow furrowed. “You all look like you’re about to go to war, and that’s nothing serious? Really?”Siguro dahil sa alak, bigla akong nagkalakas ng loob para magalit sa kanya kahit hindi  naman kami ganoon katagal na magkakilala.

“Mauna na kami,” sabi ni Jinx, at tuluyan na silang umalis.

“Let’s go. Where’s your key? Ako na ang magda-drive.” Wala akong nagawa kundi ibigay sa kanya ang susi ko. Binuksan niya ang pinto para sa akin bago siya umikot sa driver’s seat.

“Why are you here?” tanong niya habang nagmamaneho.

“Huh? What do you mean?” kunot-noo kong tanong.

“You have your own bar, Mifi. Bakit ka nandito sa Lipa?”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. “Lipa?!” gulat kong tanong.

“Yeah. You didn’t know? How come?” sinulyapan niya ako.

Napasandal ako sa headrest, sabay hawak sa noo ko. “Shit! Nakarating na pala ako ng Lipa! Tss.”

“What? You drove all the way here without knowing you’re already in Lipa? Are you kidding me?” hindi makapaniwala na tanong niya.

“No! I swear I didn’t know. I was so preoccupied kanina habang nag da-drive. Hindi ko alam na rito pala ako dadalhin.”

“Sure? O gusto mo lang talaga akong puntahan? I told you, I’m busy—”

“I know! This is unintentional! I’m just too stressed from what happened with my family earlier, that’s why…” paliwanag ko. He suddenly pulled the car over and turned to face me.

“What? Why? What happened?”

Napatigil ako. Ilang segundo siyang nakatingin sa akin, naghihintay ng sagot.

“W-wala… Sige, uuwi na ako. Pasensya na sa abala.”

Tinitigan niya ako. Hindi ko siya matingnan nang diretso sa mata.

“No. Mag-check-in ka muna sa hotel at bukas ka na umuwi. Delikado mag-drive pauwi ng Taal lalo na may tama ka pa ng alak. Baka mapahamak ka pa sa zigzag, madilim pa naman.”

“Hindi ako lasing—”

“Hindi ko sinabing lasing ka. Pero magpahinga ka muna bago bumiyahe.”

“Will you stay with me?” I asked quietly. He smirked.

“Naughty. No, I can’t. I have things to take care of.”

“Gabi na, may gagawin ka pa rin?”

“Yeah. Diyan ka na sa hotel na ’yan. Magpapasundo na ako sa driver ko.” Itinuro niya ang isang hotel na malapit lang.

“Sure ka? Hindi mo ako sasamahan?”

“Kahit gusto ko, hindi puwede. May naghihintay sa akin sa bahay.”

“Naghihintay?” takang-taka kong tanong.

“Y-yeah. Work. May mga paperwork na hinihintay ako.”

“Ah… okay, sige. Salamat.” Lumabas ako ng kotse, medyo mabigat ang pakiramdam.

Sumunod din siyang bumaba at lumapit sa front desk. Pagbalik niya, may inaabot siyang susi sa akin.

“You don’t need to pay. I already handled it. Rest well,” he said, handing me the key. Tapos ay tinalikuran ako nito bago sumakay sa isang black Montero na huminto sa harap ng hotel.

At ayun lang ‘yon. Kanina lang sa bar, todo ang pa- stay away from my girl niya, pero ngayon… iniwan niya ako. Tss. Tinanggihan ako para sa paperwork? Ugh!

Chapter 8

Tinanghali ako ng gising kinaumagahan sa hotel kung saan ako pinatuloy ni Dos kagabi. Kaya naman halos tumakbo ako palabas, nagmamadali dahil ayokong abutan ng traffic sa daan.

“Shit!”

“Ouch!”

I looked up and saw a woman I had accidentally bumped into. I hadn’t noticed her because I was busy searching for my keys in my bag. Instead of apologizing, I raised an eyebrow at her. And there it was… that angelic face I had long dreamed of dragging down to hell.

“Mifi,” malambing niyang tawag sa pangalan ko, pero sa tenga ko’y parang nakaka-irita pa rin.

“What?”

“Ahm… W-what are you doing here?” tanong niya habang nakatingin sa hotel na nilabasan ko. I smirked.

“Bakit? Akala mo ba hindi ko afford ang hotel na ’to?”

“N-no… I didn’t think about that—”

“I could buy your entire existence if I wanted to.” I cut her off sharply.

“M-Mifi… Please…”

“What?!”

“Hindi mo kailangang insultuhin ako tuwing nagkikita tayo. Alam kong ayaw mo sa ’kin, tanggap ko ’yon. but do you really have to step on my dignity?” she said in a trembling voice. I paused for a moment but quickly brushed it off.

“Nainsulto ka?” sarkastiko kong balik sabay tawa. Humalukipkip ako at sinipat siya mula ulo hanggang paa. “Hindi halata, huh? At saka dapat sanay ka na. Hindi insulto ’yon, dahil sa klase ng pinagmulan mo, mabibili lang talaga ang pagkatao mo sa murang halaga. Tss.”

Nanubig ang mga mata niya habang nakatingin sa akin. Ilang segundo pa at tinalikuran niya ako, pinupunasan ang mga luha sa pisngi. A smile crept across my face. Once again, I had succeeded in hurting her emotionally.

“Kulang pa ’yan. Napakababaw naman. Tss,” bulong ko sa sarili bago tuluyang sumakay sa kotse at bumiyahe pabalik ng Taal.

Sa mga sumunod na araw, inabala ko ang sarili ko sa negosyo. Paminsan-minsan ay nagkikita pa rin kami ng mga kaibigan ko, pero hindi tulad ng dati, bihira at hindi na rin matagal. Pare-pareho na kaming abala sa kani-kanilang buhay.

Dalawang linggo. Sa loob ng dalawang linggo na ’yon ay wala ni isang tawag o text sa pagitan namin ni Dos. Hindi ko siya kinontak mula nang iwan niya ako sa hotel. I didn’t know why, but I felt so dismissed that I was too embarrassed to make the first move. And the result? I hadn’t heard from him in two weeks. Then again, who was I to expect him to call? Tss.

“Hi!”

Napahinto ako pagkababa ng kotse sa lobby ng condo. Ilang beses akong napakurap para siguraduhing hindi ako namamalikmata.

“D-Dos… A-anong ginagawa mo rito?” halos hindi makapaniwalang tanong ko.

“Didn’t you miss me?”

Hindi agad ako nakasagot. Pero hindi na niya hinintay. Isang hakbang lang ang pagitan namin bago niya ako hinila at hinalikan — biglaan, marahas, puno ng pananabik. Napapikit ako sa gulat, pero hindi rin nagtagal ay bumawi ako sa halik niya. Ilang segundo lang ang lumipas bago siya kusang kumalas.

“Puwede ba akong makitulog?” tanong niya, dahilan para mapakunot ang noo ko.

“Bakit? Wala bang naghihintay na trabaho sa ’yo ngayon?”

“Wala. Tinapos ko lahat para mapuntahan kita agad. So, pwede ba?”

Magpapabebe pa ba ako?

“Oo naman!” mabilis kong sagot, kaya napangiti siya.

The moment we entered my unit, he kissed me again. At first, his kisses were desperate, but soon they grew softer, more tender.

We didn’t waste a single moment that night. We had no idea what time it was when we finally stopped, only that we did when exhaustion took over. That night happened again and again, sometimes in my unit, but more often in his condo in Lipa, and he’d just have someone drive me home. I understood that he was too busy to do it himself.

Ilang beses na rin niya akong nadala sa mga restaurant na pag-aari niya, pero lagi niya akong ipinapakilala bilang “kaibigan” o “business partner.” I never complained, I had no right to.

Isang araw, tinawagan ako ni Mommy para imbitahan akong mag-lunch sa bahay. May “important announcement” daw. Kahit labag sa loob ko, pumunta ako. Inihanda ko na rin ang sarili ko sa sermon ni Dad kung sakaling nagsumbong na naman ang pabida kong kapatid.

Wearing a white tube top with a denim jacket, ripped black jeans, and white 3-inch heeled sandals, I went back to my parents’ house. My slightly curly hair was down. I felt nervous, the last time I was here, Dad and I had a huge argument. I didn’t even know how to face him now.

“Mom…” I called when I entered the house. She came to me right away, smiling warmly as she hugged me.

“Hija, I’m so glad you came.”

“Sabi n’yo may important announcement . Ano po ’yon?” tanong ko habang nakatayo pa rin kami sa sala.

“Actually, si Mili ang may announcement para sa atin.” At doon agad nawala ang gana ko.

“Malamang hindi naman ’yan importante. Tss.”

“Anak, alam kong masama ang loob mo sa ginawa ng Daddy mo. Pero hindi kasalanan ng kapatid mo ’yon—”

“Paano mo nasasabi ’yan, Mommy?” putol ko agad. Ramdam kong kumulo na naman ang dugo ko. “Kung mayroon mang mas nasaktan sa ginawa ni Daddy, ikaw ’yon! Pero bakit parang wala lang sa’yo? Mom… may I remind you? That bastard is the result of Dad’s mistake, the reason behind your pain for years! How can you stay so calm everyday knowing that the blood running through the girl you care for is the blood of the woman who destroyed us?!”

Napayuko si Mommy. Ilang segundo ang lumipas bago siya tumingin muli sa akin, may luha sa mata, pero may ngiti sa labi.

Mom…

“Siguro gano’n talaga kapag nanay ka,” halos pabulong niyang sabi, pinipigilan ang pagbasag ng boses. “Lahat kaya mong tiisin. Lahat kaya mong tanggapin. Kaya mong magpatawad kahit… kahit sobrang durog ka na. Gagawin mo ang lahat para sa pamilyang pinangarap mo. Ina ako… at bilang ina, kailangan kong protektahan ang pamilyang binuo ko.”

At doon na tuluyang bumagsak ang mga luha niya. Ramdam ko ang bawat patak, ramdam ko ang bigat.

Mommy… b-bakit?

“Binuo ko ’to eh. Binuo ko kayo. Kaya hangga’t kaya kong protektahan ang pamilyang binuo ko, kahit masakit, gagawin ko. Tinanggap ko kahit masakit. Alam mo kung bakit?” Hindi ako sumagot. Hinaplos niya ang pisngi ko, ngumiti sa gitna ng luha.

“Because the only choice I have is to accept the pain every single day. The only choice I have is to be strong because I have you. Tinanggap ko si Mili kahit masakit. Pinaintindi ko sa sarili ko na wala siyang kasalanan, dahil totoo naman. Pero magsisinungaling ako kung sasabihin kong hindi ako nasasaktan araw-araw sa tuwing nakikita ko siya. Dahil araw-araw niyang pinapaalala ang kasalanan ng ama mo.”

“M-Mom…” Tears streamed down my cheeks as I stared at her. She kept crying too, biting her lip to stop herself from sobbing. “M-Mommy… puwede ka namang sumuko kung pagod ka na. Hindi mo kailangang lumaban para sa pamilyang matagal nang nasira. Mom, please…” Umiling siya.

“You wouldn’t understand. Maybe someday, you will… that you’re capable of doing anything for the person you can’t bear to lose.” She smiled, wiped her tears, and turned away, walking toward the kitchen.

I don’t understand you, Mom… Why do you have to do this? Why do you still have to endure?

Chapter 9

None of us, Mom, Dad, or I, said a word as we sat together at the dining table. We still hadn’t started eating, all because we were waiting for the oh-so-important bastard. Tss. She acts like she’s some kind of celebrity, making everyone wait.

I could feel and see Dad trying his best not to meet my eyes, while Mom just kept smiling at me as if we hadn’t just had that heated conversation earlier.

She’s really good at pretending that everything’s fine…

A few minutes later, my ever-dramatic sister finally arrived.

“I’m sorry, I’m late—”

“Hindi masyado halata. Malamig na nga ang pagkain, e.”

Napatigil siya sa pinto, halatang tinamaan sa sinabi ko. Dahan-dahan siyang umupo sa pwesto niya, parang napapahiya. Pareho namang nakatingin sa akin sina Mommy at Daddy.

“S-sorry…” mahina niyang sabi.

Naghalukipkip ako at tamad siyang tinitigan. “Pwede na bang kumain? Habang may kaunti pa akong gana,” sabi ko. Rinig ko ang malalim na buntong hininga ni Daddy.

“Y-yeah…” sagot ni Mili.

Sinimulan ko nang kumain at hindi ko na sila muling pinansin. Nang marinig ko kanina na siya ang may “announcement,” agad na nawala ang kahit anong interes ko. Halfway through our meal, she cleared her throat, clearly trying to get our attention. My parents stopped eating. I didn’t. I kept chewing, uninterested.

“Ahm… Mom, Dad…” she began. I scoffed the moment I heard her call my mother “Mom,” and all eyes shifted to me.

“What?” I asked flatly.

“Let her talk, Mifi. She has an announcement to make,” Dad said.

“Yeah, sure. Go ahead. I’m busy with my food.”

“Go ahead, Mili,” Dad urged.

“Dad, Mom… I’m… I’m engaged!”

Masayang-masaya niyang sabi bago ipakita sa amin ang daliri niya. Napahinto ako sa pagkain.

“Wow! Really?!” Halatang excited si Daddy, hindi maitago sa boses at mukha niya.

“Yes, Dad. Look!” Mas lalo pa niyang ipinakita ang singsing.

“Wow! What a beautiful ring. It looks so expensive!”

“Congratulations, hija. I’m happy for you!” dagdag pa ni Mommy.

Kung gaano sila kasaya sa announcement niya, ako naman? Wala. Blanko. Pero nang makita ko ang mga ngiti sa mukha nila, mga ngiting sana ay para rin sa akin… doon ako nakaramdam ng kirot.

“When’s the wedding?” Mom asked.

“Six months from now,” Mili answered.

“Wow!”

“And who’s the lucky guy?” Dad asked, smiling. I scoffed again at his words and suddenly stood up, making them stop.

“Lucky guy? Really?” I asked sarcastically, even letting out a fake laugh. “Is he really lucky? Tsk. Tsk. Poor guy.” I laughed bitterly.

“Mifi!” Dad barked.

“What? I’m just concerned… for the guy. He’s marrying the wrong girl.” I stepped away from my chair and stood behind it.

“Can you at least show some respect for your sister on this special day?!” Dad snapped again, his gaze sharp and furious.

“Fine!” sagot ko, may halong sama ng loob. “Even though she doesn’t deserve my respect… fine. I’m leaving. Tutal, wala naman akong interes sa buhay niya.” Tumitig ako kay Mili, na nakayuko na ngayon. “Sana lang naging ganito rin kayo kasaya sa mga achievements ko. Sana lang… naramdaman ko rin ang suporta n’yo.” Huminga ako nang malalim. “Alam n’yo ba kung bakit ayaw ko sa bahay na ’to? Dahil pakiramdam ko ako ang anak sa labas. Dahil ako ang nakikihati sa lahat ng dapat ay akin sa simula pa lang!” sigaw ko.

“M-Mifi—”

“And it’s all because of you!” I screamed, pointing at her. “You took everything from me! Ever since you came into my life, where have I been in this family?! I disappeared! Are you happy now? You got it all—my parents’ attention, their love, their support, their wealth! The love and affection I dreamed of having as I grew up, you stole it!”

She shook her head, eyes brimming with tears. I couldn’t hold back my own tears either.

“W-wala akong kinukuha sa ’yo. H-hindi ko intensyon na sirain ang pamilya n’yo—”

“Oh, come on! Stop acting like a fucking angel in disguise!” sigaw ko habang itinutulak ang upuan ko. Tumama ito sa mesa at natapon ang tubig. Napatayo sina Mommy at Daddy.

“Mifi! Enough!” sigaw ni Daddy. Hindi ko siya pinansin.

“No intention? Let’s stop fooling ourselves! Because from the very start, I knew exactly what you wanted. Pero sige, nakuha mo na, e. Ano pa ba ang magagawa ko? You’ve already wrapped our parents around your finger. But let me tell you this…” I took a few steps closer, glaring at her with hatred. She swallowed hard.

“You will never be happy. One day, you’ll feel what it’s like to share what’s yours. Sisiguraduhin kong mararanasan mo rin ang pakiramdam ng parang nasa impyerno, gaya ng ginawa mo sa buhay ko.”

Kinuha ko ang bag ko at tumingin sa kanila.

“Ituloy n’yo na ’yang masaya n’yong pag-uusap. I know you can settle all of that without me. Enjoy.”

“Mifi!” sigaw ni Mommy, pero pinigilan siya ni Daddy.

“I love you, Mom…” I said softly, and tears instantly streamed down her cheeks as she stared at me. I smiled, even though deep inside, it felt like my heart was shattering into pieces.

Sa tuwing lumalabas ako ng bahay na iyon, parang mas lalo akong nadudurog. Hindi ko man lang naramdaman ang tinatawag nilang init ng pamilya.

Home. They say it’s called home because it’s where you find rest after a long, exhausting day.

But why is it that I can’t find peace inside my own home? Why does it hurt more inside the place that’s supposed to be my safe space?

I walked out of the village and went straight to my bar. It was only lunchtime, but the heaviness in my chest was too much to bear so I was going to drown it all in alcohol.

While I was drinking in my office, my phone suddenly vibrated. I didn’t plan to answer it since the number was unregistered, but curiosity got the better of me.

“Hello?”

[Hi! Are you busy?]

Boses ng isang lalaki. Dahil medyo tipsy na ako, hindi ko agad nakilala.

“And who the fuck are you?! Why do you care if I’m busy?!”

[Woah! Wait… are you drunk?]

“Tss. Anong pakialam mo?!” tanong ko, sabay tungga ulit ng whiskey.

[Hey! Young lady, calm down. I’m just asking.]

Napahinto ako. Isang tao lang ang tumatawag sa akin ng young lady.

“D-Dos?” I heard him sigh on the other end.

[Finally!]

“Shit… I’m sorry.”

[It’s okay. Are you okay? What’s going on? Too early to be drunk… I’m guessing you’re dealing with something heavy?]

I let out a deep breath and slumped back on the couch, massaging my temples.

“Ahm… yeah. Sort of, I guess…”

[Where are you?] I heard the sound of keys jingling, as if he was picking them up.

“In my office. Why?” I asked. He sighed again.

[Glad to know you’re somewhere safe. Don’t go anywhere. Don’t drive. Okay?]

“Why?”

[Just don’t, Mifi. You’re drunk. It’s not safe.]

“Concerned?”

[Of course.]

“Really? Then come here. I need someone to talk to. I want you here…” I mumbled drunkenly. There were a few seconds of silence. At first, I thought the call had ended. But then—

[Okay… wait for me there.]

A small smile crept onto my lips at his reply. “Sure… I’ll wait. Drive safe.”

[Hmmm… Bye.]

“Bye—” But before I could finish, the line went dead.

“Tss. Pinatay agad. Bakit hindi naka-save ang number niya? Bago na naman? Iba-iba ’yung ginagamit niya kapag tumatawag. Tss.”

Two hours ang biyahe mula Lipa papunta rito sa Taal kung walang traffic, kaya siguradong mamaya pa siya. Inubos ko ang laman ng bote at pumikit. At sa pagpikit kong ’yon… bumalik lahat ng eksena mula sa nakaraan. Even with my eyes shut, tears still slipped down my cheeks.

Chapter 10

| Rated SPG 🔞 | Kung minor ka, magpaawat ka naman oy! Pero dahil may warning, mas na excite ka pa! Juskupuuu! 🤦‍♀️

『••✎••』

Nagising ako sa magaan na haplos sa pisngi ko na parang bulong lang ng hangin sa balat. Mabigat pa ang talukap ng aking mga mata nang dahan-dahan ko itong iminulat, at agad bumungad sa akin ang napakaguwapong mukha ni Dos. Nang magtama ang mga mata namin, ngumiti siya, ’yong ngiting parang kayang tunawin lahat ng sakit ko.

“Hi…” bati niya, halos pabulong. “Did I wake you up? I’m sorry…”

“Kanina ka pa?” tanong ko habang hindi pa rin kumikilos mula sa pagkakasandal ko sa couch. Napahinga ako nang malalim nang mapagtantong nakatulog pala ako sa gano’ng posisyon.

“Hindi naman, kararating ko lang. Are you okay?”

Ilang segundo akong nakatitig lang sa kanya, hindi agad nakasagot. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero parang gusto kong magsumbong sa kaniya, ’yong tipong sumbong ng isang batang pagod na.

“Am I a bad person?” I asked.

“W-what?” he asked, confused.

“Is it bad to hate your parents? Is it bad to hate someone who took everything away from you?”

“No… I don’t think so. Honestly, I think that’s the first reaction anyone has when they’re deeply hurt — hate. They start to despise the people who caused them pain. So yeah, it’s valid. Why? What happened?”

I shifted my gaze forward, memories of my family swirling in my mind.

“I… I hate the feeling I get when I’m around them. I don’t feel safe. I don’t feel loved.”

“We’re talking about your family here, right?” he asked, just to be sure.

“Yeah…”

“It’s a heavy feeling, but I’m sure there’s a reason for it.”

I sighed deeply and closed my eyes, the weight pressing heavily on my chest. Naiintindihan ba ako ng lalaking ’to? Wala naman yatang problema sa buhay ito, tss.

“There is,” maiksi kong sagot.

“And?” he pressed, his eyes fixed on me, waiting.

“I have a stepsister from my father and… everything changed the moment she came into our lives. It’s like I suddenly stopped existing in my own family, in my parents’ lives. I’m their real child, yet I’m the one who has to share everything.”

Our eyes locked as I spoke, the bitterness in my voice undeniable.

“I think you have every right to be angry,” he said firmly. “Don’t ever let them take away what’s rightfully yours. If you know you deserve it, then fight for it. Don’t just sit here crying, think about how you’ll take it back. Always, always put yourself first in every decision you make. Be resilient, Mifi.”

I smiled at his words. It felt so comforting to be understood, to be heard by someone other than my friends.

“Thank you, Dos.”

“Anytime. Pero for now…” ngumisi siya, sabay lapit pa ng kaunti. “Tayo muna ang maglaban. Sa kama mo ba o dito sa sofa?”

Napakagat ako ng labi, hindi mapigilang matawa sa biglaang pag-shift ng usapan. “Pwede namang dito tayo magsimula sa sofa… tapos doon natin tapusin sa kama, ’di ba?”

“Oh, damn! Brilliant idea, baby,” he said before pulling me in and kissing me.

I climbed onto his lap as he sat on the couch. Our lips crashed together in a deep, passionate kiss. His hands roamed over my curves, sliding down to my butt, squeezing it firmly. A soft moan escaped my lips as he continued.

I stripped off his shirt, my gaze lingering on the tattoo across his chest. I kissed him again, this time trailing my lips down to his jaw. Slowly, I kissed him from his jawline to his neck, then down to his chest.

“Oh, damn…” he groaned.

I slid off his lap and knelt between his legs, kissing his chest and down his abdomen. My eyes locked with his as I unbuckled his belt, then unzipped and removed his pants. He swallowed hard, his gaze dark and intense.

Only his briefs remained, and beneath them, I could already see how hard he was.

I wanted to tease him first.

I ran my fingers slowly along his length, staring up at him seductively. He bit his lip, his breathing heavy and uneven.

“Fuck, Mifi! Stop fucking teasing me!” he groaned, struggling to speak.

“What? I’m just admiring this thing of yours. It’s hard as a rock… massive… tempting me to taste it,” I teased, my voice dripping with mischief. He shut his eyes and exhaled sharply.

“Mifi… please…”

“Please what?” I teased further.

“J-just… do it. Fuck!”

“Easy… just relax.”

“How the hell can I relax?! I’m so fucking hard, Mifi! Damn it!” he growled, his patience thinning, which made me laugh softly.

For something so long, his patience was so short.

I pulled down his briefs and began stroking his length, up and down.

“Oh, shit…”

I licked the tip, drawing out a deep moan from him. His back arched, his body twitching under my touch.

I tried to take him all the way into my mouth but gagged — he was too big. I licked and sucked his balls too, and soon, his hand was gathering my hair into a makeshift ponytail.

Doon mo lang talaga malalaman… mas mahusay mag-pony ng buhok ang mga lalaki kapag niluluhuran. Kaya pala palagi siyang may hair tie sa pulso. Lagi niya akong iniipitan kapag kumakanta ako.

“Holy shit! Faster, Mifi! Yeah… oh!”

I moved my head faster, just the way he wanted. His grip on my hair tightened as he thrust deeper into my mouth. I gagged several times but didn’t stop.

“Oh! Mifi!”

I sucked him harder and faster until he finally came in my mouth. I rushed to the bathroom, gagging, then rinsed my mouth before returning to the sofa. Dos sat there, breathless, watching my every move.

“What?” I asked, sitting beside him again. I wrapped my hand around his still-hard length.

“You’re a monster,” he muttered.

“Monster?” I asked, moving my hand up and down again.

“Oh…” he groaned. “Yeah… a monster. You made me cum with just your mouth. That was so fucking good! Fuck, Mifi!”

He pulled me into another hungry kiss and pinned me beneath him.

He carried me without breaking the kiss. I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck.

He gently laid me down on the bed, still kissing me. His lips moved from mine to my jaw, then down my neck. He sucked on the skin just below my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

“Oh…”

His lips and tongue explored my body while his hand slid down to my core, making me tremble.

He rubbed my clit gently with his fingers while sucking on my breast.

“D-Dos… oh!” I moaned, arching my back under his touch.

When his lips reached my stomach, he stopped, locking eyes with me while still playing with my entrance. I desperately wanted him to push his fingers in, but he didn’t. It was frustrating, he stopped kissing me right when I wanted him the most.

“Shit, Dos! What are you doing?!” I snapped, frustrated. But he just smirked, biting his lower lip.

“What?”

Oh, great. He was teasing me now, just like I teased him earlier.

“Enter me now, Dos.”

“You want me to do what?” he teased, fingers circling my entrance, driving me insane.

“Damn it! Enter me now!”

“Say please, Mifi.”

“Shit! Please… put it in, Dos!”

“How does it feel? Frustrating when someone leaves you hanging, huh?” he asked, grinning.

Then suddenly, he pushed himself inside me.

“Oh!” I gasped, my eyes squeezing shut as I felt him deep inside.

He pulled me closer to the edge of the bed and lifted both my legs. His thrusts grew harder, faster. The bed creaked beneath us with every powerful movement.

“Ah! Mifi! I’ll never get tired of you!” he groaned, thrusting deeper and kissing my legs.

We fucked until we were both exhausted, shifting into different positions over and over.

“You never fail to satisfy me, Mifi,” he whispered after collapsing beside me. He pulled me close, resting my head on his arm, and kissed my forehead.

I felt safe in his arms. I always do.

Chapter 11

Tahimik lang ako habang nakatingin sa labas ng bintana habang nakikinig ng music sa loob ng kotse ni Dos. He insisted on bringing me with him to one of his restaurants in Lipa. And since I didn’t have anything else to do and I wanted to relax, I agreed to come along.

“Do you want something to eat? Medyo traffic, baka magutom ka. Nagkape ka lang kanina,” tanong niya habang panay-panay ang tingin sa akin at sa mga sasakyang halos hindi umuusad sa harap namin.

“Nah, okay lang ako. Don’t worry,” sagot ko habang nakasandal pa rin sa upuan.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah… I’m sure.” I gave him a small smile. He returned it with a nod, and the cars ahead inched forward.

“Uh… Dos, can I ask you something?” I asked hesitantly.

“Yeah, sure. What is it?”

“Do you… have a girlfriend?” I noticed his grip on the steering wheel tighten, but I pretended not to.

“Girlfriend?”

“Yeah… a serious relationship with someone. You know…”

“Why?” he asked with a little laugh.

“Wala lang.”

“Kung meron ba, iiwasan mo na ako?” Sumulyap siya saglit sa gawi ko bago bumalik muli ang mata sa kalsada.

“Depende…”

“Depende saan?”

“Depende kung gusto mong tapusin na ang relasyon natin—”

“What relationship?” His question made me freeze. When I didn’t answer right away, he looked at me again, and I flinched slightly.

“F-friends… with benefits,” I finally said.

He chuckled softly. “Friends with benefits, huh? Pinaganda lang ang tawag sa fuck buddies .”

He laughed quietly and shook his head. I didn’t know why, but his words stung a little.

How could I forget that we’re just fuck buddies? We both agreed to this kind of setup. He’s just been extra attentive to me lately and has been spending more time with me, and I somehow forgot what we really were.

“But… you’re happy with this, right?” he asked.

“Y-yeah…” pilit kong ngiti kahit parang pinipiga ang puso ko.

“Same. I’m happy when I’m with you. Kaya kahit mayroon man o wala akong girlfriend, we’ll stay like this. As long as we’re both happy, isn’t that okay?”

“S-sure… no worries,” I said quietly.

“Good.”

I am happy whenever I’m with him. My mistake is expecting things to go deeper without realizing it. I keep forgetting that I’m just a secret, someone he only meets behind closed doors.

I’m happy with this kind of relationship, so I might as well enjoy every second of it. I feel safe, even if I don’t feel real love.

Pagdating namin sa restaurant niya sa Lipa, wala pang gaanong tao. Nagpa-prepare agad siya ng pagkain para sa aming dalawa. As usual, ipinakilala niya ako bilang friend . Sanay na ako. Pero minsan, gusto ko ring marinig na iba ang tawag niya sa akin… kahit alam kong imposibleng mangyari.

“Where’s the restroom?” I asked after we finished eating.

“There’s a hallway to the right of the exit. Two doors — one for girls, one for boys.”

“Oh… okay, I’ll be back in a minute.” I stood up, bringing my pouch with me.

“Sure, I’ll wait here.”

I smiled and walked toward the restroom.

The restaurant was beautiful and spacious. According to Dos, this was his main branch. It was Italian-inspired because he loved Italian food, he even studied in Italy.

It was called Cucina Speciale,  Italian for “Special Cuisine.” It was located in the city of Lipa, near a mall, a university, and several office buildings, a perfect spot for a business like this.

Matapos kong mag-retouch, agad din akong lumabas. Pero pagbalik ko, napansin kong dumami na ang tao. May mga nagkakantahan, nagpapalakpakan, kumakalansing ang mga wine glass.

“May event siguro ngayon…” bulong ko sa sarili.

Hindi ko makita si Dos. Kaya naisip ko na lang na tumawag habang hinihintay siya sa labas. Hinugot ko ang phone ko sa pouch pero natigilan ako sa natanaw ko mula sa labas ng restaurant.

She had just stepped out of the restaurant, smiling brightly, and walked toward a car to get something. She was on her way back in, holding a box, when she suddenly stopped and that beautiful smile slowly faded from her face. Mili…

“M-Mifi…” she said in disbelief. “W-what are you doing here? I mean… w-who are you with—”

“I’m with my… f-friend. Ikaw? Akala ko nakaalis ka na?”

“Oh… no. I surprised my fiancé here. Akala niya nakaalis na ako, pero na-move ang flight ko kaya… yeah, I came here for him.”

Tumango ako. Siguro nga, para sa fiancé niya ang event sa loob.

“Okay, I see… Alam ba nina Mommy na hindi ka pa pala nakakaalis? Baka mag-alala sila sa favorite child nila. Ayaw na ayaw nilang nagagasgasan ka o makagat ng lamok,” sarkastiko kong saad.

Nagbuntonghininga siya sa narinig. Pilit ko mang maging mabait kahit sandali, hindi ko talaga kaya. Pakiramdam ko, tuwing lumalapit siya, may kukunin na naman siya sa akin. Lahat na lang ng nagpapasaya sa akin, inaagaw niya.

“They knew…” sagot niya. “I’m gonna go. My fiancé is waiting for me. Excuse me.”

Tinaasan ko lang siya ng kilay bago niya ako lampasan at bumalik sa loob.

“Tss. Edi ikaw na ang may fiancé. Arte.”

I dialed Dos’s number, but I couldn’t reach him.

“Don’t tell me he changed his number again? Seriously? Tss.” I tried calling several more times, but I still couldn’t get through.

“Mifi…”

I turned at the sound of his voice behind me.

“Oh, Dos! Kanina pa kita tinatawagan, pero patay ’yong phone mo. Lumabas muna ako kasi parang may event sa loob, ang daming tao.”

May kasama siyang isang lalaki, mukhang tauhan niya.

“A-ah… y-yeah… I’m sorry. Biglaan kasi ’yong event.”

“Ganun ba? Okay lang. Hintayin na lang kita sa kotse mo—”

“My driver will take you home.” He cut me off. I froze mid-step, glancing toward his car. Then he looked back at the restaurant, still bustling with people. “I’m sorry… My employees need me inside. And I can’t guarantee that this won’t take long, so I’ll have Arthur take you home.” He gestured to the man behind him.

“O-oh…” I answered, feeling embarrassed. “O-okay, no problem. Mukhang big event talaga ’yan. Sige, mauna na kami. Thanks for the food.” I forced a smile.

“Sorry… I’ll make it up to you next time,” he said before turning to the man beside him. “Hatid mo siya hanggang Taal, sa mismong bar niya. Okay?”

“Yes, sir,” the man replied with a bow.

“Take care, okay?”

“Y-yeah. Thanks again,” I said before turning around and following his staff toward the back of the restaurant. I didn’t ask any more questions especially when I saw our car waiting to take me back to Taal.

It was disappointing that we spent almost four hours in traffic just to eat. Our plan to have a movie marathon at his condo was postponed.

Why did Mili have to hold an event there , of all places? Tss.

Teka… kung event niya talaga ’yon, dapat nandun sina Mommy. Siguro hindi kanya ’yon, baka invited lang siya para i-surprise ang fiancé niya. Kahit kanino pa, wala akong pakialam.

Basta isa lang ang sigurado. Sinira nila ang araw ko.

Chapter 12

I stood frozen in front of the mirror, lost in my thoughts. Tonight, I was heading to a party — my friend Sab’s birthday celebration. I was already dressed and ready to go, yet here I was, staring blankly at my reflection in the full-length mirror as if I had something heavier weighing on my mind.

Bakit nga ba ako magtatampo? May karapatan ba ako? Tss. At kung magtampo man ako, anong pakialam niya? As if naman na susuyuin niya ako, ’di ba?

Kanina pa ako nakikipagtalo sa sarili ko dahil sa nangyari noong huli kaming magkita sa resto ni Dos. Tatlong araw na ang nakalipas, pero ni isang text o tawag, wala akong natanggap mula sa kaniya. Kahit noong araw na naghiwalay kami, wala man lang siyang paramdam. Naiinis ako hindi lang sa kanya, kundi pati na rin sa sarili ko dahil gusto ko siyang sumbatan, gusto kong magreklamo. Pero lagi kong pinipigilan ang sarili ko dahil alam kong… wala naman akong karapatan.

With a heavy sigh, I tried to shake the thoughts away.

“Stop it, Mifi. We have a saying, remember?” I muttered under my breath. “Don’t expect anything from anyone, because it’s better to feel surprised than to feel disappointed.”

Huminga ako nang malalim at sinubukang ngumiti. Suot ko ang fitted black silk dress ko na may slit sa kanang hita, naka-curl ang buhok, naka-red lipstick, at may suot na nude-colored three-inch heels. I smiled one more time at my reflection before leaving my room.

Kilala ang kaibigan ko at maging ang pamilya nila, kaya sigurado akong maraming businessmen at businesswomen ang dadalo roon lalo na’t pamilya ni Sab ang nagmamay-ari ng pinakasikat na fashion magazine sa bansa at sa Paris.

Pag-upo ko sa loob ng kotse, biglang nag-ring ang phone ko sa loob ng pouch. Kinuha ko iyon at napangiti nang makita kung sino ang tumatawag.

“Hey! Paalis na ako,” bungad ko sa kabilang linya.

[What?! Paalis ka pa lang?] reklamo niya agad.

“Mm-hmm. Maaga pa naman, bakit ba?” Nilipat ko ang tingin sa maliit na screen ng dashboard — alas-kwatro pa lang ng hapon.

[Maaga pa nga, pero, girl! Hindi ka lang sa Lemery pupunta! Hello? Tagaytay ito, baka nakakalimutan mo?]

“I know, I know. Relax, okay? Magsisimula naman ang party ni Sab kahit wala ako. Bakit ba ang drama mo?” tanong ko kay Aicka.

[Wala lang… ang dami kasing pogi rito, girl! Baka maubusan ka, kasi kanina ko pa sila hinuhubaran sa isip ko!] Kinikilig pa itong nagpatuloy. [Hoy! Behave ka nga! Nakakahiya kay Sab!] dinig kong saway ni Rein sa tabi niya.

“Sige na, sige na! Akala ko kung bakit ka napatawag. Aalis na ako bago pa ako ma-traffic.”

[Okay! Ingat ka, girl. Drive safe! Bye!]

Napailing ako matapos ang tawag. Kahit saan mo dalhin ang babaeng ’yon, basta makakita ng pogi, automatic, pinag-iinitan na agad sa utak. Tss.

Sab’s birthday was being held at Twin Lakes Hotel. I had also packed an extra set of clothes to leave in the car, just in case the girls decided to drink and spend the night there, which, knowing them, was very likely.

Matapos ang ilang oras ng pagmamaneho, narating ko rin sa wakas ang lugar. Sinalubong ako nina Rein at Aicka sa pintuan ng hotel gaya ng bilin ko.

“Hi!” bati ko sa kanila.

“Ang taray! Kinabog mo pa ang may birthday! Debut mo?” sarkastikong sabi ni Aicka.

“Gaga! Tara na nga!”

Sabay-sabay kaming pumasok sa loob at nagtungo sa reception hall kung saan ginaganap ang birthday ni Sab.

“Girl, I swear, mag-eenjoy tayo rito! By the way, magkakasama tayong apat sa isang room,” bulong ni Aicka habang naglalakad kami.

“Eh paano ka naman hindi mag-eenjoy, eh halos kabisado mo na lahat ng pangalan ng mga lalaking bisita,” banat ni Rein, dahilan para mapatawa ako.

“Grabe ka naman sa ’kin!” depensa ni Aicka, pero natawa lang kami lalo.

Pagpasok namin sa hall, sinalubong kami ng napakaraming taong naka-pormal, mga mukhang mayayaman at makapangyarihan. May mga nagsasayaw sa gitna habang marahang tumutugtog ang music. Ang iba naman ay may hawak na wine glass habang seryosong nag-uusap at sigurado akong tungkol sa negosyo ang mga usapan.

“Doon tayo, nando’n si Sab,” sabi ni Rein sabay hila sa akin.

“Mifi!” masayang sigaw ni Sab nang makita ako. “Oh my gosh! Always so pretty!” bati niya.

“Huwag kang ano! Alam naman nating lahat na ikaw ang diyosa rito,” biro ko.

“I know, right!” sabay-sabay kaming nagtawanan.

“By the way, alam niyo na ba?” tanong niya habang sabay-sabay kaming naupo sa isang mesa.

“Ang alin?” tanong ni Rein.

“Nandito sila,” bulong ni Sab, dahilan para magtaka kami.

“Sinong sila ?” sabay-sabay naming tanong.

“Heisenberg cousins!”

Natigilan ako. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero nakaramdam ako ng kaba.

“O. M. G.! Really?! Where?” nanginginig sa excitement si Aicka.

“Kumalma ka nga,” saway ni Rein, pero ngumuso lang ito na parang batang naagawan ng laruan.

“Kanina lang sila ang kausap ng mga matatanda. Ewan ko kung nasaan na sila ngayon,” sagot ni Sab. Tahimik lang ako, at napansin nila iyon.

“Uy, kumusta nga pala kayo ng fubu mo?” biglang tanong ni Rein, dahilan para mapakurap ako.

“H-huh? O-okay lang. Nagkita kami noong nakaraan,” sagot ko sabay inom ng tubig.

“Naks! Ang tagal n’yo na ah!” tukso ni Aicka. “Matagal nang nag-aanohan!” sabat pa nito, kaya napatingin kaming lahat.

“Sira ulo!”

“Bakit? Totoo naman. Matagal na silang nag-aanohan. Unless… may something special na? Meron na ba?” dagdag pa niya.

Napalunok ako. Bakit ba ako kinakabahan?

“Tss. Wala! Syempre wala! Ano… friends with benefits lang kami,” sagot ko, kahit ako mismo parang hindi kumbinsido.

Tumango sina Sab at Aicka, pero hindi nakaligtas sa akin ang nanunuring tingin ni Rein.

“Teka nga pala, nasaan na mga regalo n’yo sa akin?” singit bigla ni Sab, kaya nakahinga ako nang maluwag.

“Luh! Ano pa bang ibibigay namin? Lahat na nasa ’yo na!” sagot ni Aicka.

“Tss. Kuripot n’yo talaga!”

“Uhm… Sab, saan ang comfort room dito?” tanong ko.

“Labas ka ng hall, left side. Gusto mo ba samahan kita?”

“Naku, hindi na. Hintayin n’yo na lang ako rito. Naiihi lang ako,” palusot ko.

“Ah, sige. Ikaw bahala.”

Hindi naman talaga ako naiihi, gusto ko lang makahinga. Parang sumikip ang dibdib ko kanina sa mga tanong nila, lalo na sa mga titig ni Rein. Pero pumasok pa rin ako sa comfort room at naghugas ng kamay.

But the moment I opened the bathroom door, someone suddenly grabbed me and kissed me. My eyes widened in shock, ready to push him away, until he briefly pulled back — just enough for me to see who it was.

“D-Dos…” I whispered, his face just inches from mine.

“I saw you earlier, so I followed you. You’re so gorgeous, Mifi. You look hot in that dress,” he murmured, his hand tracing the curve of my body while the other cupped my cheek.

“N-nandito ka rin pala… h-hindi ko alam…” pagsisinungaling ko.

Humakbang siya palapit, kaya napaatras ako. Isinara niya ang pinto gamit ang paa, hindi inaalis ang tingin at hawak sa akin.

“Yeah… my parents are invited.”

“Ah—mmph!” Hindi pa ako nakakapagsalita ay hinalikan na niya ako muli at isinandal sa sink.

I kissed him back. It felt like I hadn’t seen him in forever, and I was starving for his touch. My hands roamed over his firm chest as he lifted me onto the sink without breaking the kiss.

The kiss deepened, and his hand slipped under my dress but then his phone rang. At first, he ignored it, but when it didn’t stop, he pulled away in frustration. His annoyed expression shifted the moment he saw the caller’s name.

“Shit. Excuse me, I have to go. May nakalimutan pala akong gawin.”

“W-what?”

“I’ll call you, okay? Bye,” bulong niya bago ako muling hagkan at tuluyang lumabas ng banyo nang nagmamadali.

Napamaang na lang ako habang nakaupo pa rin sa sink.

The fuck?! What was that? He left me again?

Bumaba ako at humarap sa salamin. Inayos ko ang sarili ko, sinuklay ng kamay ang nagulong buhok, at muling naglagay ng lipstick. Mabilis akong lumabas ng banyo para habulin siya, pero wala na siya. Kahit saan ako tumingin, hindi ko siya makita.

At doon ko napagpasyahan na habulin siya. Hindi ko na kaya ang ganitong paulit-ulit na iwanan lang sa ere. Kailangan naming mag-usap. Kailangan kong linawin sa kanya kung ano ba talaga ang meron sa amin… o kung may meron nga ba.

Chapter 13

Sa pag-iikot ko para hanapin si Dos, halos hindi tumigil sa pag-iingay ang cellphone ko. Salitan ang tawag ng tatlo kong kaibigan na hindi ko sinasagot. Paulit-ulit. Para bang hindi sila titigil hangga’t hindi ko sinasagot. Siguro dahil nag-aalala na silang lahat, lalo’t kanina pa ako nagpaalam na pupunta lang sa banyo.

Because they didn’t stop calling, I finally answered Rein’s call while walking down the hallway. As I walked, I noticed I was getting close to the pool area. I could see it through the hotel’s glass wall, it was already dark outside, but the place still looked stunning under the lights.

“Rein, I’m sorry. Babalik din ako agad—”

[Where the hell are you?!] seryosong tanong nito mula sa kabilang linya.

“May hinahanap lang ako—” natigilan ako sa pagsasalita at sa paglalakad nang mapansin ko ang pamilyar na likod ng isang lalaki na nakatayo sa may pool.

[Mifi, listen. You need to go back. We have something to tell you. This is urgent—]

“I’ll hang up, Rein. Call you later,” sagot ko habang hindi ko inaalis ang tingin ko sa lalaking nasa labas, kahit may salamin na namamagitan sa amin.

[But Mifi, you need to know this—]

Hindi ko na pinatapos pa si Rein. Agad kong tinapos ang tawag at in-off ko na rin ang phone ko nang makita kong tumatawag pa rin sila.

Whatever they needed to say could wait. But what I needed to say to Dos… I couldn’t hold it in any longer.

I walked slowly toward the entrance of the pool area, planning to approach him. But just as I stepped in, I froze.

A woman was hugging him. She had been right in front of him all along, I just didn’t notice because his body was blocking my view.

My brows furrowed as my pace slowed even more.

“I love you, babe. Everyday…” malambing na tinig ni Dos. Napahinto ako sa paghakbang. Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko, parang biglang may humigpit doon.

Bakit… ang sakit?

“Everyday?” tanong ng babae.

Bakit parang… pamilyar ang boses?

“Yeah… everyday, babe. Why? You’re still doubting my love? You’re hurting my feelings,” sabi ni Dos. Kita kong bahagyang nakayuko siya, tila nakatingin ito nang malambing sa mga mata ng babae.

“Hmmm… of course not! I know how much you love me. Patay na patay ka kaya sa ’kin.” Sabay silang natawa.

Kinabahan ako. Pilit kong inaalala kung saan ko nga ba narinig ang boses na iyon.

“Ako lang ba? I think we were mutual back then. Kaya nga kinuha kita noon as secretary, para araw-araw kitang makita. At para madali rin sa ’kin na ligawan ka.”

“Asus! Paraparaan ka naman pala! Masyado kang in love sa ’kin, ikaw ha!”

Hindi ko namalayan na namumuo na pala ang luha sa mga mata ko. Nanlalabo na ang paningin ko.

“Gano’n talaga. By the way, I’m excited for our wedding, babe.”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko.

W-wedding? Ikakasal siya?

“Same here, babe. Ilang buwan na lang, be patient. Okay?”

“Yes, babe.”

“I love you, my Aldous Delwyn Heisenberg…”

“I love you more, my soon-to-be wife… Millandae Lia Smith Heisenberg.”

Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig. Hindi ako makagalaw kahit gusto ko nang tumakbo. I couldn’t speak. Only my tears betrayed how much pain I was feeling right then.

Why? Why is it always you? Why does it always have to be you?

Mili… bakit ikaw na lang palagi ang kaagaw ko sa lahat?

At nang magyakapan silang dalawa, doon ko pa lamang nakita nang mas malinaw ang mukha ng babaeng yakap niya — ang step-sister kong matagal ko nang kaagaw sa lahat ng bagay. Ang nakangiti nitong labi, ang nakapikit nitong mga mata habang yakap ang taong… pareho naming minahal.

Tumalikod ako at napahawak sa dibdib ko. Ilang segundo pa, nagtatakbo na ako palayo. Palayo sa lugar na iyon. Palayo sa mga taong dahilan ng mga luha ko ngayon.

Pumasok ako sa kotse ko at doon ako nagkulong. Hinayaan ko ang sarili kong umiyak nang umiyak. Lahat ng sama ng loob ko sa pamilya ko, lahat ng sakit na tinatago ko… ngayon ay sabay-sabay na lumalabas. Siguro ito ang dahilan kung bakit ganito ako umiyak ngayon.

Mula sa kinauupuan ko, tanaw ko pa rin silang dalawa. Nang medyo kumalma ako, tinitigan ko sila mula sa malayo.

No. I can’t be the only one suffering. I can’t be the only one hurting. My whole life was ruined because of you, Mili.

A bitter smile crept onto my lips as I watched the two of them happily talking.

Inayos ko ang sarili ko. Nagsuklay. Nag-lipstick. Nag-face powder. Halos ipanligo ko ang pabango ko. Pagkatapos ay binuksan ko ulit ang phone ko at tinawagan si Rein.

“Pabalik na ako. Hintayin n’yo ako sa table natin.” Iyon lang ang sinabi ko at hindi ko na hinintay ang sagot niya.

Lumabas ako ng kotse at naglakad pabalik sa loob ng hotel na parang walang nangyari. Kumuha ako ng wine mula sa waiter na nadaanan ko at nginitian ko pa ito. Napatayo agad ang tatlo kong kaibigan nang makita nila akong papalapit. Mukha silang problemado, kabado, habang ako naman ay nakangiting inialok pa sila ng wine.

“Mifi!” sabay-sabay nilang saad habang hinila ako papunta sa isang sulok.

“Hey! What are you guys doing? Isasalvage n’yo ba ako?” natatawa kong tanong habang hinahatak nila ako. Huminto kami sa isang sulok ng hall kung saan walang tao.

“Where the hell have you been?!” gigil na tanong ni Sab.

“Me? Nagpahangin sa labas, bakit?” I said casually. Their faces were painted with anxiety, but I couldn’t wipe the smile off mine.

“Seriously?! Mifi, do you even know anything about this guy who’s been your fuck buddy?” Rein asked, irritation lacing her voice.

“Dos?”

“Yeah… whatever his name is!”

“Hmm… nothing more. Aside from the fact that he’s a businessman, handsome, and yummy. Why?” I asked them nonchalantly.

The three of them exchanged glances and sighed heavily. They looked so stressed and honestly, I already had an idea what they were about to say.

“Oh… wait!” I said, straightening up. “I actually learned something new about him. Guess what?” I asked with a playful smile. But their faces remained dead serious. No one even attempted to answer.

“She knows…” Aicka murmured quietly.

“This is recent. A very, very fresh news. He is my sister’s fiancé. Great, right?” I said sarcastically. The three of them lowered their heads, already knowing what I meant by my tone.

“And the worst part is…” I swallowed hard, trying to calm myself. They were all staring at me intently. “I already fell…” I whispered.

“Fuck!” Aicka cursed, covering her mouth. Sab did the same. Rein, however, didn’t even look surprised.

“Then stop this. Stop seeing him, Mifi. He’s your sister’s fiancé for fuck’s sake! You’re just going to make this worse if you don’t stop—”

“No…” I answered firmly, Rein cutting off.

“W-what?”

“She’s the reason I’ve been suffering for a long time. She’s always been chosen over me. Loved by everyone. How about me? I’m always the one left behind. I’m always taken for granted — just an option when she’s not around. I’m done with her. I’m done pretending that it’s alright. But deep inside me? I ask myself over and over… Sanay na ako pero tangina! Bakit? Bakit ganito na naman?! Bakit siya na naman?!” Hindi ko napigilan ang bugso ng damdamin ko at tuluyan na itong sumabog. “Because of her existence, I feel like I’m never good enough!”

“M-Mifi…” Sab whispered, tears now streaming down her face. All of them were crying, just staring at me.

“Mifi… you know that taking revenge isn’t a good idea. You know that. It might harm you, hurt you even more. Please…” Rein pleaded as she held my hand.

“I’ve fought so many silent battles alone… battles you know nothing about. Yes, you guys are my best friends, and I’m grateful for that. But I thought you’d be the first and last people to understand where I’m coming from. Where my pain is coming from…”

“We’re always here for you. You know that. But we can’t tolerate you doing things that might destroy you.”

“Mifi… please…” Sab begged.

“Don’t worry… I can do this alone. I’m going to do what I want and what will finally make me happy. If you guys can’t support me on this, I understand. Just let me be happy this time.”

“What are you planning to do? Mifi, don’t do something stupid just because of this guy—”

“This isn’t just about him!” I shouted at Aicka. “If you’re scared you’ll get hurt because of me, don’t worry. I won’t do anything that will endanger you.”

“At sana wala ka ring gagawin na ikapapahamak mo. Please lang, Mifi. Mag-isip kang mabuti. Hindi ka namin pababayaan, pero alagaan mo rin sana ang sarili mo. Lumalayo ka na sa Mifi na kilala namin,” tanging nasabi ni Rein bago siya tumalikod at umalis. Ilang segundo pa akong tinitigan ng dalawa bago sila sumunod.

I guess… pain really changes a person.

Chapter 14

Matapos ang mainit na pag-uusap na ’yon, pinili kong lumabas at hindi na bumalik sa table namin. Dumaan muna ako sa isang mesa at walang pag-aalinlangang kinuha ang bote ng alak na nandoon bago tuluyang lumabas ng reception hall. Diretso ako sa labas ng hotel kung saan ramdam na ramdam ang lamig ng gabi, lalo na’t malakas ang hangin na galing sa lawa ng Taal.

Walang pag-aatubili kong nilaklak ang laman ng bote habang nakatingin sa madilim na tanawin ng Taal Volcano. Hindi ko ininda ang ginaw na dumadampi sa aking balat. I just wanted to get wasted and numb myself, at least for tonight. I wanted to forget everything.

Ilang sandali pa, napayakap ako sa aking sarili dahil sa sobrang lamig. Bigla na lang may bumalot sa katawan kong isang itim na coat mula sa aking likuran. Napalingon ako, medyo nagulat sa presensya ng taong iyon.

“Malamig na rito. Bakit hindi ka sa loob tumambay kasama ng mga kaibigan mo?” tanong ng lalaki at tumayo sa tabi ko.

Nagbuntonghininga ako at muling ibinalik ang tingin ko sa tanawin sa harapan. Hindi ko inaasahang siya pa talaga ang makakasama ko rito. Tss.

“Nagpapahangin lang bago umuwi,” sagot ko nang malamig.

“Uuwi ka? Pero nakainom ka. Delikado.”

“Okay lang. Hindi naman ako lasing.”

“Still… nakainom ka pa rin.” At doon bigla kong naalala si Dos. Ganito rin ang sinabi niya noong minsang nahuli niya akong nag-iinom sa Lipa. Magkaibigan nga talaga sila, parehong-pareho.

“I know,” mahina kong tugon. “Pero kailangan kong umuwi. Gusto kong makapagpahinga nang maayos.”

“Okay. Ikaw ang bahala.”

Natahimik kaming dalawa pagkatapos no’n. Akala ko aalis na siya, pero nanatili lang siya sa tabi ko. Ilang sandali pa’y nagsalita ulit ito.

“Can I ask you something?” tanong niya bigla.

“Yeah… sure.” Uminom ako ulit ng alak at doon ko lang napansin na paubos na pala ito.

“How’s you and Dos? Still in touch?” seryosong tanong niya habang ang mga kamay ay nasa bulsa. Nakatingin siya ngayon diretso sa akin.

“Still the same…” sagot ko ng walang gana. Kasi kahit ako, hindi ko rin alam kung ano ba talaga kami.

“Kayo ba?”

“Hindi…”

“So, anong tawag sa relasyon niyong dalawa?”

“Friends…”

“Friends?” nagtataka niyang tanong sabay harap sa akin nang maayos.

“…with benefits,” dugtong ko. Kita ko ang pagtaas ng kilay niya.

“Seems like you’re not in favor of that?”

“What?” kunwari’y natawa ako. “We both agree with that. What are you talking about?”

“Your eyes say otherwise. You’re in love with him, right?” Hindi ako nakasagot. Hindi rin ako makatingin sa mga matang tila sinusuri ang buong pagkatao ko. “Did he know about that?”

“About what?” painosente kong tanong, dahilan para matawa siya nang mahina.

“Come on. Stop playing safe. Does Dos know about it?”

“No,” sagot ko sabay buntonghininga.

“Why? Bakit hindi mo sinabi?”

“Because even if he knew about my feelings, nothing will change. He will never love me back. He couldn’t.”

“So… you already knew?” Humarap ako sa kaniya at nagkrus ng mga braso.

“Ikaw…” simula ko.

“A-anong… ako?” kinakabahan niyang tanong.

“May girlfriend ka rin ba?”

“Me? W-wala… Bakit?”

“Are you sure?” I raised a brow.

“Of course! A hundred percent!” he answered, smugly folding his arms.

“Good. I just wanted to make sure my friend wouldn’t end up like me if she ever falls for you.”

His brows knitted together, clearly confused. “Friend? Who?”

“Rein…” Yeah. The man standing beside me was Daniel.

“What?” he burst out laughing. “There’s nothing going on between me and your friend.”

“Hindi ba kayo naglalandiang dalawa?”

“Landian? No! We just talked that night sa bar mo. She’s nice though, but we’re not having a thing like what you have with my friend.”

Natigilan ako. Napatingin lang ako sa kanya. Akala ko kasi may kung ano na sa kanila ni Rein. Shit.

“O-oh… okay,” mahina kong sagot, medyo nahiya pa ako sa sarili kong reaksyon. Narinig ko ang mahina niyang halkhak. “Tss.”

“Uh… When did Dos tell you about his girlfriend?”

“He didn’t. I don’t think he ever planned to,” I said, gazing up at the dark sky. The memory of what I’d seen earlier replayed in my mind.

“He didn’t? Then how did you find out?”

“Nakita ko sila kanina sa pool area.” I smiled bitterly and turned to him.

“Is it really that hard to admit you’re in a relationship?” I asked, but he remained silent, just watching me. “Ikaw—kayo ng mga kaibigan o pinsan mo, alam niyo, ’di ba? Pero bakit kinukunsinti niyo siya—”

“Hindi namin siya kinokonsinti—”

“Hindi? So, ano pala ang tawag niyo ro’n? Pinoprotektahan?” napaismid ako.

“Hindi namin gusto ang ginagawa niya. Maniwala ka,” mahinahon niyang tugon. “Paulit-ulit naming pinapaalala sa kanya na hindi maganda ang ginagawa niya. Paulit-ulit din naming sinasabi na ipaalam na sa ’yo ang totoo, pero nakiusap siyang huwag na lang daw kami makialam. Believe me, we’ve wanted to tell you for a long time. We’ve wanted him to stop for a long time.”

“What’s his reason?”

“Mas mabuti pa na sa kanya mo itanong ’yan.” Tumingin siya nang diretso sa akin. “Mas mabuti rin siguro kung ikaw na lang ang bumitiw. Masasaktan ka lang kung mas patatagalin mo pa—”

“No.”

“W-what?”

“No one can tell me when I will stop. I will if I want to. And right now, I’d rather not stop.”

“Are you out of your mind? Ikakasal na siya pero ayos lang sa ’yo kahit maging mistress ka?”

“Yeah…”

“Fuck!” he cursed, turning his back on me and running a hand through his hair. When he faced me again, frustration was written all over his face.

“Mifi, you know how big of a problem this is. You could ruin yourself. Why would you put yourself in danger for someone who doesn’t even love you?” I froze. So did he.

I know. I know he’ll probably never love me. But I want to hear it from him. Because maybe…just maybe, like me, he’s just too scared to admit he’s falling too.

“I’m sorry…” he whispered. “I know Dos is serious about his fiancée, that’s why I said those things. I’m just worried. You don’t deserve this. You love him, yes, but don’t let that love destroy your life. I may be his cousin, but that doesn’t mean I’m on his side.”

“I know you’re worried. Thank you for that. Pero hindi niyo ako maiintindihan, kahit sino sa inyo. Hindi niyo ako kailanman maiintindihan dahil wala kayo sa posisyon ko.” I sighed deeply. “Thank you for your concern, but please… don’t tell Dos about this. Don’t tell him that I already know.”

“Bakit?”

“Dahil baka iwan niya ako kapag nalaman niyang alam ko na—”

“Dahil ’yon ang dapat!”

“Hindi! Ayoko! Wala kang sasabihin sa kaniya tungkol sa usapan natin. Maliwanag?” halos pakiusap ang tono ko. “Please… hayaan niyo muna akong maging masaya kasama siya. Kahit ganito lang. Kahit sa ganitong paraan ko lang maramdaman kung paano maging masaya… kahit galing pa ito sa kasalanan.”

He stared at me, his breathing heavy, his brows furrowed like he was torn and completely against what I was asking.

“Daniel… please…” I whispered.

He held his head with one hand and his waist with the other. I heard him mutter a quiet curse, mumbling something I couldn’t quite catch. He bit his lip before finally speaking again.

“I won’t say anything. But I also won’t stay silent if I have to speak. I’m sorry. Take care on your way home,” he said before turning around and leaving me alone.

Bagay nga sila ni Rein. Pareho silang magsalita kapag seryoso.

Pagkaalis niya ay doon ko na binitiwan ang hikbing kanina ko pa pinipigilan. Napaupo ako at yumuko, isinubsob ang mukha sa aking mga tuhod. Hinayaan kong umiyak ang sarili ko hanggang sa unti-unting gumaan ang pakiramdam ko. Ilang minuto pa akong nanatili sa ganoong posisyon bago ko napagpasiyahang umalis.

Mali. Alam kong mali. Pero hindi ko pa siya kayang bitiwan. Siya ang unang lalaking gusto kong ipaglaban kahit walang kasiguraduhan. Unang lalaking nagpaiyak at nanakit sa akin pero ayaw ko pa ring sukuan.

Mom… you’re right. You will do anything for love. Even if it’s meant to break you.

Chapter 15

Ilang linggo at buwan pa ang lumipas, ganoon pa rin ang sitwasyon sa pagitan namin ni Dos. Walang nagbago. Hindi pa rin niya inaamin sa akin ang tungkol sa fiancée niya, at kagaya ng dati, hinayaan ko na lang. After all, we were happy when we were together. We fulfilled each other’s needs in ways that made the rest of the world feel irrelevant.

But everything I did came with a price… a distance from my friends.

Palagi silang busy sa tuwing aayain ko silang mag-inuman sa bar ko kagaya noon. Noong una, naiintindihan ko. Lahat naman kami may kaniya-kaniyang buhay. Pero habang lumilipas ang mga buwan at patuloy nilang pag-iwas, doon ko na naramdaman ang pagbabago. Siguro ito ang epekto ng matinding pagtatalo namin noon, isang distansyang hindi ko alam kung kailan pa mabubura. Kaya’t hinayaan ko muna. Umaasa akong darating ang araw na maiintindihan nila ako. Sana nga…

“Saan ka sa Christmas?” I asked Dos one lazy afternoon. We were both lying in bed at a hotel in Tagaytay, wrapped in nothing but the warmth of the comforter and each other’s presence.

“Hmm… Hindi pa namin napag-uusapan ng family ko. Why?” he murmured, his fingers absentmindedly twirling a strand of my hair.

“If you don’t have plans, maybe we can make one together. What do you think?”

“Let’s see. I’ll call you if I’m free,” he replied casually.

“Okay!” I smiled, pretending that was enough.

We had been here for two days already. He called out of the blue, saying he wanted to unwind in Tagaytay with me. And of course, I didn’t even think twice. Just the thought of spending more time with him made my heart flutter.

Christmas was coming soon, and deep down I knew my friends and I would never push through with our plans. In a month, Mili and Dos would be getting married.

“Dos,” tawag ko habang magkatabi kaming nanonood ng movie.

“Hmmm?” sagot niya, hindi inaalis ang tingin sa TV.

Pareho kaming nakaupo sa sofa, may hawak na chips, at nakataas pa ang mga paa sa center table. Sandaling katahimikan bago ko binitiwan ang tanong na ilang beses ko nang gustong itanong.

“Sa tingin mo, hanggang kailan tayo tatagal? I mean, ’yong ganito nating relasyon?”

Doon lang siya lumingon sa akin.

“Hangga’t masaya pa tayong dalawa. Bakit? Hindi ka na ba masaya kasama ako?”

“Ha? Siyempre masaya!” mabilis kong sagot, pero may kaba sa dibdib ko. “Paano kung pareho pa tayong masaya… pero kailangan mo akong iwan?” I saw his body stiffen at my words.

“B-Bakit kita iiwan?” he asked, almost absentmindedly.

“Because you have to? I don’t know. I’m just saying… what if it happens, what will you do?”

“You?” he shot back.

“What about me?”

“You. Do you want to let me go?”

If only you knew… letting you go was never part of the plan.

“No, of course not!” I replied, shaking my head. He nodded slowly, as if something had just clicked in his mind.

“But… It still depends on the situation. Maybe you’ll understand me,” he said seriously.

“Would you understand me too if I refused to let you go, even if you wanted me to?” I asked quietly. His brows furrowed.

“What do you mean?”

We stared at each other for several seconds, as if waiting for the other to break the silence.

“Wala! Forget it. Mas’yado tayong seryoso. Let’s just enjoy the movie kasi uuwi na tayo mamaya.” Tumawa pa ako nang bahagya para itago ang kaba sa loob ko.

Tango lang ang isinagot niya, pero kita ko sa mga mata niyang may tanong na hindi niya mabigkas.

Tahimik naming tinapos ang pelikula. Akala ko ay uuwi kaming tahimik pa rin, pero unti-unti ring nagbago ang mood niya kalaunan.

“Your phone’s been ringing for a while now. Aren’t you going to answer it?” I asked as I brushed my hair. We were both getting ready to check out, but his phone hadn’t stopped buzzing.

“We’re leaving soon anyway. It’s just Daniel,” he shrugged.

I didn’t press further.

Nang matapos kaming mag-ayos, siya na ang nagdala ng bag naming dalawa. Hinapit niya ako palapit sa kaniya habang naghihintay kami sa pagbukas ng elevator. Pag-angat ng tingin ko, seryoso ang mga mata niyang nakatitig sa akin. Bumaba ang ulo niya at bumulong.

“Baka ma-snatch ka ng kung sino,” bulong niya, dahilan para matawa ako.

“Tss. Walang maglalakas-loob na gawin ’yon kapag ikaw ang kasama ko.”

“Good then,” he said with a smirk.

The moment we stepped inside the elevator, he suddenly pinned me against the wall and kissed me. Our bags dropped to the floor as his hands roamed my body. I was wearing a dress, so it didn’t take long before his touch found my skin.

“Dos, baka biglang magbukas ang elevator!” I hissed between kisses, as his lips trailed down my jawline.

“Hindi ’yan,” he whispered, capturing my lips again.

Just as I closed my eyes, the elevator dinged… it’s ground floor. But even then, he didn’t stop kissing me.

“Tara na,” I said, laughing as I pushed him away gently and stepped out. He picked up our bags before following me out.

“Tss. We should’ve extended for five days,” he grumbled as we walked toward the parking area, his arm still around my waist.

“Grabe ka! We still have work, remember?”

“I know, I know…” he replied lazily.

Binuksan niya ang pinto ng kotse at inalalayan akong sumakay. Nakangiti akong nakatingin sa kaniya hanggang sa bigla siyang natigilan habang papunta sa driver’s seat.

Tinted ang mga bintana ng kotse kaya hindi makikita ang nasa loob. Pero kitang-kita ko ang dahilan kung bakit siya natigilan. Nandoon siya — ang taong pinipilit kong kalimutan pero palaging nandyan.

Tumingin siya kay Dos, tapos sa direksyon ko. Paulit-ulit. Para bang pilit niyang kinukumpirma kung tama ba ang nakikita niya.

A rush of emotions surged inside me… fear, anxiety, excitement… and a flicker of anger.

I was scared of what would happen once Dos knew everything. I was terrified that this might be the end of us. But I was also thrilled because this meant I would see her hurt again, and that gave me a strange sense of satisfaction. And beneath it all, there was anger. Because in the end… I knew I might still lose.

Lumalaban ako sa isang laban na ako lang ang nakakaalam. Nagsimula ako ng isang kompetisyong walang ibang lumalahok kundi ako lang.

Pero nandito na ako. Nasimulan ko na ito. At gusto kong iparamdam sa kaniya kung gaano kasakit ang mga sugat na iniwan niya mula nang dumating siya sa buhay namin.

Hindi ko marinig ang mga sigawan nila mula sa loob ng kotse. Paulit-ulit niyang tinatangkang itulak si Dos para makita kung sino ang nasa loob. I could see the rage on her face, the pain in her tear-filled eyes.

Ilang beses akong napabuntong-hininga bago ko napagdesisyunang harapin siya. Bumagal ang bawat segundo habang binubuksan ko ang pinto ng kotse.

At sa sandaling lumabas ako, natigilan silang dalawa.

Ang galit na galit na ekspresyon sa mukha ni Mili ay unti-unting napalitan ng pagtataka, ng gulat, ng sakit. Para bang hindi niya kayang unawain kung bakit ang babaeng nakita niyang lumabas ng hotel kasama ng kaniyang fiancé ay…

…ang kapatid niyang matagal nang may galit sa kaniya.

“M-Mifi…” basag ang boses niyang sambit.

“Mili…” mahina kong sagot, habang ang mundo ay tila tumigil sa pagitan naming dalawa.

Chapter 16

After calling each other’s names, Dos looked utterly confused, like his whole world stopped moving.

“A-anong… ginagawa mo sa loob ng kotse ng boyfriend ko?” Mili’s voice trembled, her words breaking as if she was forcing them out.

I glanced at the car I had just stepped out of before shifting my gaze back to Dos. Slowly, Mili turned to the man standing beside her. Dos looked frozen, paralyzed in place, his tongue tied.

“Should I be the one to tell her?” I asked, my tone calm, too calm for the chaos about to erupt.

“Tell what?” Mili asked, confusion written all over her face. Even though she probably already had an idea, she was still desperately searching for confirmation.

I raised an eyebrow at Dos, silently telling him to speak.

“B-babe… let’s go. Let’s talk about this in private—”

“Private?” I cut him off sharply. His brows furrowed as his eyes snapped toward me. I let out a soft, mocking chuckle.

“Bakit kailangang private kung pwede namang dito?” I asked coldly. Dos shut his eyes tightly, like he was trying to keep himself from losing control.

“Please, Mifi. I want a private talk with my girlfriend.”

“Teka nga!” Mili suddenly shouted, anger seeping through every syllable. “Ano mo ba ang boyfriend ko? At anong relasyon mo sa kapatid ko?”

“K-kapatid?” Dos stammered, his eyes darting toward me. I remained emotionless, watching them like a scene in a movie I’d already seen before.

“M-magkapatid kayo?” he repeated in disbelief, his gaze bouncing back and forth between us.

“Oo,” I said flatly.

“At sagutin mo ang tanong ko. Anong meron sa inyo ng kapatid ko?” Mili asked again.

Dos swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing nervously.

“Hindi ba obvious?” I replied lazily, perching myself on the hood of the car. Mili’s brows knitted together while Dos stared at me with a look I no longer cared to decipher. I was too tired to keep hiding.

“W-what do you mean?” Mili’s eyes were starting to glisten with tears.

“Hmm…” I tilted my head slightly. “Magkasama kami sa hotel for two days. Actually, pauwi na nga sana kami ngayon. Hindi naman pwedeng mag-meeting lang kaming dalawa sa iisang room, ’di ba? So, commonsense na lang.”

“Mifi!” Dos hissed, but I didn’t tear my gaze away from Mili. I wanted her to see every bit of the pain I was about to cause.

“B-bakit?” she asked in a daze, fighting back sobs. “A-ano ba talaga ang kasalanan ko sa ’yo para g-gawin mo sa ’kin ’to? Hindi mo pa rin ba matanggap na… m-magkapatid tayo?”

I smirked bitterly.

“Isa na ’yon. Pero alam mo ba ang mas hindi ko nagugustuhan?” I leaned forward, voice laced with venom. “Your existence. Ayoko lahat sa ’yo.”

“K-kaya ba… kaya ba nilandi mo ang fiancé ko para saktan ako ulit? Masaya ka na ba na nasasaktan mo ulit ako ngayon kagaya ng palagi mong ginagawa?” she asked, now fully sobbing. Dos tried to hold her, but she pushed him away.

“Babe… u-umuwi na tayo—”

“Tumigil ka!” she screamed at him, her voice cracking. “W-why? Bakit, Delwyn? Anong kulang sa ’kin? A-anong wala sa ’kin?” Her sobs echoed painfully in the cold air.

“W-wala, babe… wala. Walang kulang sa ’yo—”

“Wala?!” she snapped, trembling with rage. “Ginagago mo ba ako?! Walang kulang sa ’kin pero nakuha mo akong lokohin? Sa kapatid ko pa?!”

“I didn’t know she’s your sister,” Dos defended weakly. I scoffed at his pathetic excuse.

“Fuck you!” Mili screamed, slapping him over and over. I held myself back from stopping her, coz he deserved every bit of it.

“Alam mo man o hindi na magkapatid kami, wala ka pa ring karapatang gaguhin ako!” she yelled again.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry, I’m a man, Mili. I have needs as a man—”

“Na hindi ko maibigay sa ’yo dahil hindi pa tayo kasal kaya hinanap mo sa iba? Ganoon ba?” she asked through tears, her voice breaking apart.

I raised an eyebrow at that.

So that’s the reason, huh?

“Sorry…” was all he managed to say, head hanging low.

“S-sabi mo… naiintindihan mo ang gusto ko at iginagalang mo ang desisyon ko. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit sinasaktan niyo akong pareho ngayon! Hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang kasalanan ko para ganituhin niyo ako!” she cried out, her swollen eyes locking with mine.

“G-gusto ko lang naman matanggap mo ako sa pamilya niyo. Wala akong ginawang masama, alam mo ’yon. Ilang beses mo man akong saktan, hindi ko piniling gumanti dahil kapatid kita. But you always choose to hurt and blame me for the things I never did.”

Her words struck something deep inside me. A dull, familiar ache clawed at my chest, but I forced myself to ignore it. Whatever she was feeling right now was nothing compared to what I had endured. Nothing.

Mili turned back to her fiancé, tears endlessly streaming down her face no matter how many times she wiped them away.

“I trusted you. Wala akong ibang ginawa kundi ang mahalin ka araw-araw. Ginawa ko naman lahat para sa relasyon na ’to, pero hindi pa rin naging sapat sa ’yo.”

“Babe… please. I’m sorry. Let’s fix this, okay? Let’s start again—”

“Paano mo gagamutin ang sugat na ikaw mismo ang may gawa?” she whispered, still looking up at him with eyes full of shattered hope.

Sitting on the hood of the car, watching the two of them fall apart, I didn’t even know how to feel anymore. I should’ve felt satisfaction… but all I felt was emptiness.

“Hindi ako naging sapat. Iyon ang totoo,” she whispered again. “Magsama kayong dalawa.”

“Babe! Sandali! Ayusin naman natin ’to!” Dos ran after her as she turned and stormed off. I got to my feet as Mili climbed into a nearby car, ignoring his desperate knocks on the window.

“Mili!” he screamed, his voice breaking as the car drove away.

I ran toward him when I saw him drop to his knees on the pavement.

“Dos…” I reached for his arm, trying to help him stand, but he yanked himself away from my touch.

“Alam mo?” he asked, his tone trembling with anger.

“A-ang ano?”

“Alam mo ba ’to mula umpisa? Ginamit mo ba ako para gantihan ang kapatid mo dahil sa galit mo sa kaniya?”

“H-hindi—”

“Sinungaling! Alam mo!” he roared, his fury so intense I instinctively stepped back. “Alam mo pero hindi mo sinabi para saktan siya?! Ngayon, hindi mo lang siya nasaktan, sinira mo pa kami!”

My palm met his cheek before I even realized it.

“Hindi ko alam. Wala akong alam tungkol sa inyong dalawa noong una. Nakita ko lang kayong dalawa noong birthday ni Sab. Huwag mong isisi sa akin ang pagkasira ninyong dalawa dahil kung may dapat sisihin dito, ikaw ’yon!” I snapped, frustration boiling over.

He raked his hands through his hair in frustration, his breaths coming out shaky and uneven.

“Tulungan mo akong maayos kami… please…” he begged, gripping my hands desperately.

“Dos… huwag mong ipilit ang ayaw na,” I whispered. “Nandito naman ako. Sabi mo nga, masaya ka kasama ako. Mamahalin kita higit pa sa pagmamahal niya.”

He instantly let go of my hands, staring at me in disbelief.

“Anong sinasabi mo?” he asked, his brows furrowed deeply.

“Mahal kita… matagal na,” I admitted, my voice soft but unwavering. “Kung hindi ka niya kayang tanggapin ulit, nandito naman ako. Mahal kita. Naibibigay ko ang mga hindi niya maibigay. Masaya tayong dalawa. Dos, let’s give us a try. Alam ko naman na may nararamdaman ka na rin sa ’kin.”

I cupped his face gently, and for a moment, he just stared into my eyes… as if searching for something he couldn’t name.

And in that silence, with the weight of every decision crushing down on us, I realized something terrifying.

This wasn’t a victory. This was ruin… and I was standing in the middle of it, holding the shards of a love that was never really mine.

Chapter 17

Inalis niya ang kamay ko sa pisngi niya at bahagyang lumayo, parang biglang lumayo rin ang pagitan namin, hindi lang sa espasyo kundi pati sa kung anong meron kami.

“Mifi, kailangan kong habulin si Mili. Tatawag ako ng magha—”

“Itataboy mo na naman ako at ipahahatid kay Arthur?” I cut him off with a bitter laugh, kahit pa ramdam kong mabigat na ang dibdib ko. “Masaya ka pa ba sa ’kin?” I asked, my voice trembling as I forced myself to look him in the eyes.

“What?” he asked, obviously caught off guard.

“Last time I checked, you told me you were happy when you were with me. But why are you acting like this all of a sudden?” I swallowed hard, my chest tightening. “Dos, what are we? What am I to you?”

Biglang nawala ang emosyon sa mukha niya, para bang pinilit niyang patayin ang kahit anong nararamdaman.

“You’re really asking me what we are? Seriously?” he asked, his tone cold and serious. I couldn’t answer. My throat felt dry.

“You know what’s going on between us, Mifi. You knew it too well. Why are you asking me like you don’t know anything?” His eyes pierced through me. “Sa ’yo mismo nanggaling, ’di ba? We are friends with benefits… fuck buddies.”

The words sliced through me like a blade. I couldn’t speak…all I could do was swallow the lump in my throat as I tried not to break down.

“Sinabi ko naman, ’di ba? Mahal na kita! Bakit hindi mo sineseryoso ang sinasabi ko?” My voice cracked as tears began to build.

“Shit! What the hell, Mifi?!” he yelled, making me flinch. “Malinaw ang usapan natin, ’di ba? No feelings involved, just pure sex. At pumayag ka. Pumayag ka sa naging usapan natin!” I could feel his frustration in every word.

“Kasalanan ko ba na mahulog ako? Kasalanan bang ma-fall ako?” I shouted back. “Dos, you act like my real boyfriend, and you expect me not to fall in love?!”

“Bakit hindi mo pinigilan? Bakit mo hinayaan na tuluyan kang mahulog—”

“Gago ka ba?!” I snapped. “Tangina naman, Dos! Walang switch off and on ang feelings ko! Ano bang klaseng puso ang meron ka para wala kang maramdaman sa ’kin — wait, wala nga ba?”

“Kalimutan mo ang iniisip mo, Mifi. Our feelings are not mutual,” he said seriously. His words hurt more than I was prepared for.

“Bakit? Paano?” I whispered, barely holding myself together.

“Anong paano?” he asked, confused, as he sat down on the hood of his car.

“Paanong wala ka man lang naramdaman na iba sa ’kin?” I asked again, desperate for an answer — any answer that would hurt less.

“Dahil may girlfriend ako. At siya lang ang mahal ko.”

I stared at him, feeling the weight of every word crush me from the inside.

“Mahal mo ba talaga ang girlfriend mo?”

“Of course!” he answered instantly.

“Eh bakit kailangan mo ako — ako at ang katawan ko kung may girlfriend ka naman palang pwedeng gumawa ng lahat ng iyon sa ’yo?” My voice was shaking. I had already heard Mili’s reason earlier, even if she didn’t say it outright, I understood. But I wanted to hear it from him.

“This is too personal. Hindi mo obligasyon malaman ’yon, okay? Pumayag ka, at willing ka naman sa set-up natin. Hindi naman kita pinilit, ’di ba? Now, para matapos na lang ’to, let’s just end our agreement. Let’s end this.”

“No!” I said quickly, without even thinking.

“What? Why?!” he asked, now standing straight again.

Alam kong may consequences lahat ng ginagawa ko. Alam kong kasalanan ang papasukin ko. Pero… handa akong magkasala makasama ko lang siya.

“I still want this — us,” I confessed.

“Pero alam mong may girlfriend na ako, at kapatid mo ’yon. It’s better for us to stop this, Mifi.”

“Ayoko. Wala akong pakialam kung may girlfriend ka. Hindi ko na kayang pigilan ang nararamdaman ko. Alam kong may nararamdaman ka na rin sa akin, hindi man katulad ng nararamdaman ko sa ’yo, alam kong meron.”

“Wala akong nararamdaman para sa ’yo, Mifi. Huwag mong ipilit na pareho tayo. Lust. Siguro ’yon lang.”

Tangina. Bakit ang sakit?

“B-bakit? Mahirap ba akong mahalin?”

“H-hindi. Hindi sa mahirap kang mahalin—”

“Then why?!” I screamed. Thank God no one else was around to hear us.

“Bakit hindi mo ako kayang mahalin gaya ng sa kapatid ko? Nagagawa ba niya ang mga ginagawa ko sa ’yo? I bet, no. Dahil hindi mo naman hahanapin sa ibang babae ’yon kung na-satisfy ka ng girlfriend mo sa kama—”

“Stop talking shit about her! Oo, hindi niya nagagawa sa akin ang mga ginagawa mo, but that doesn’t mean na mas better ka sa kanya!”

Parang sinampal niya ako gamit ang mga salitang iyon. Isa na namang tao ang mas pinili si Mili kaysa sa akin. Isa na namang tao ang hindi ako makita dahil natatabunan ako ng pagkatao niya.

“I’m sure I’m better than her! Because I can do her boyfriend. I can make her boyfriend crazy in bed while moaning—”

“Stop it!” he shouted. “How can you say that to her? Stop talking shit behind my girlfriend. You only gave me pleasure, nothing more. Stop talking like a decent woman—”

My hand landed hard across his cheek before I could stop myself.

Sobra na. Hindi ko na kayang lunukin ang mga salitang binibitawan niya. Mga salitang mas masakit pa kaysa sa kahit anong ginawa niya.

“Matapos mong magpakasawa sa katawan ko, may lakas ka pa ng loob na sabihan ako na parang napakarumi kong babae?!” I screamed, tears streaming down my face. “Hindi porke mahal kita at hindi mo ko mahal ay may karapatan ka nang tapakan ang pagkatao ko! Tangina, Dos! Hindi dahil umamin akong mahal kita ay binibigyan na kita ng lisensya na husgahan ako!”

My voice shook with anger and pain as I jabbed a finger into his chest.

“Ibinigay ko ang sarili ko sa ’yo nang paulit-ulit dahil gusto kita! Tapos ano? Maruming babae na ako sa ’yo?! Fuck you! Huwag kang magmalinis! Dahil kung may marumi man sa ating dalawa, ikaw ’yon!”

“Sino nga ba ang mas marumi sa ating dalawa? Ako, na ikaw lang ang lalaki, o ikaw, na dalawa kaming pinagsasabay mo?” I challenged. He had no answer. He tried to reach for me, but I stepped back.

“I-I’m sorry…” he murmured, but his apology felt hollow.

“Ang tanga ko…” I said bitterly, shaking my head. “Magpapadala na nga lang ako sa nararamdaman ko, sa maling tao pa.”

“You don’t deserve her,” I whispered, my voice trembling. “Loving you… and being enticed by you… is my biggest regret.”

“M-Mifi…” he breathed, but I didn’t let him speak.

“Buong buhay ko, nangulila ako sa pagmamahal at atensyon mula sa mga taong mahal ko. Nakita ko ’yon sa ’yo… at masaya ako. Hindi ko plinano na mahalin ka o mapalapit sa ’yo para paghigantihan ang kapatid ko. Minahal kita sa maling panahon at maling pagkakataon. Naging masamang tao ako dahil sa love na gusto kong maramdaman. Pero ano? Sa huli, talo pa rin ako. Hindi pa rin ako ang pinili.”

Pinili kong maging masama sa pag-aakalang magiging masaya ako. Naghiganti ako dahil sa pag-asang balang araw, mamahalin at pipiliin din ako ng mga taong ipinaglalaban ko. Pero gaya ng ginawa ni Daddy, hindi pa rin ako napili. Gaya ng ginawa sa ’kin ni Mommy, naging option ulit ako.

“Isa lang ang pakiusap ko,” I said seriously, meeting his eyes.

He listened quietly.

“Kung hindi mo ako kayang mahalin, huwag mo na ring ipilit ang sarili mo sa kapatid ko. Hindi para sa kagustuhan ko, kundi dahil ayokong pagsisihan niya ang matali sa lalaking kagaya mo. She’s vulnerable… and you are not worthy of her love.”

The silence that followed was deafening. And for the first time, I wasn’t sure if my heart was breaking because of him… or because of the truth I had just spoken.

Chapter 18

Sometimes, in our desperate pursuit of happiness, we end up doing things we never thought we were capable of the things that, in the end, we regret.

Pagkatapos ng lahat ng nangyari kanina, ang pagkabunyag, ang sakit, at ang pagkawasak…isang bagay lang ang malinaw sa akin: kailangan kong makausap si Mili. Kailangan kong ipaliwanag kahit isang beses man lang na hindi ko planong saktan siya. Hindi iyon bahagi ng plano ko. Oo, galit ako sa kaniya noon, pero hindi ko sinasadyang gamitin si Dos para lang iparamdam iyon sa kaniya. I just… loved Dos. And even when I found out they were together, I couldn’t let go. I chose to sin rather than lose him.

It was already late when I arrived home. The first thing I saw when I stepped into the living room was Mili — crying uncontrollably in Mom’s arms.

And there it was again, that familiar stab in my chest. Jealousy. Because back when I was the one crying, no one was ever there to hold me like that.

Wala silang ginawa kundi ang talikuran ako. Pero siya? Siya ang tinutulungan, siya ang niyayakap.

Nang makita nila ako, agad tumayo si Daddy. Malalaking hakbang ang ginawa niya papunta sa akin, at kahit bago pa siya makarating, alam ko na kung ano ang mangyayari.

“Dad—ah!” I didn’t expect him to welcome me with open arms after what happened. I knew exactly what was coming — a hard slap across my face.

“How dare you?!” he roared.

The slap was so strong and so sudden that my eyes instantly welled up. I pressed a trembling hand against my cheek and lowered my head, fighting back the sob threatening to break free.

“Anong katangahan ang pumasok sa isip mo para landiin ang fiancé ng kapatid mo?!” sigaw niya.

Hindi ko siya nilandi. Gusto kong isigaw iyon, gusto kong ipaliwanag, pero pinili kong manahimik muna.

“Mifi!” tuloy niya, hindi pa rin tumitigil. “Maraming lalaki sa paligid, hindi ka mauubusan! Pero sa dami-dami ng lalaki sa mundo, bakit kailangan mong agawin ang taong may nagmamay-ari na? Ha?! Nag-iisip ka pa ba?! Sinira mo ang buhay ng kapatid mo dahil sa pagiging makasarili mo!”

The words stabbed deeper than the slap. Slowly, I lifted my gaze to meet my father’s furious eyes. “Sa lahat ng tao, Dad,” mahina pero diretso kong sabi, “ikaw dapat ang pinaka nakakaintindi kung bakit ko nagawa ’yon.”

“What?” gulat niyang sagot.

“Bakit, Dad? Naisip mo rin ba ’yan noong naging makasarili ka?” sunod-sunod kong tanong. “Naisip mo ba kung sino ang masasaktan mo? Naisip mo ba ang mga masisirang buhay dahil sa sarili mong kagustuhan?”

Nanahimik siya. Hindi agad nakasagot.

“Hindi, ’di ba? Hindi mo ako naisip. Hindi mo kami naisip. Itinuloy mo pa rin kahit alam mong may masasaktan ka. Dahil ano? Dahil nagmahal ka. Dahil nagmahal ka ng dalawang tao ng sabay.” Mapait akong natawa. “Ano ang pinagkaiba natin?”

“Mifi…” Mom’s voice trembled as she called my name, but I didn’t look at her. I could feel both her and Mili’s eyes fixed on me.

“Oh, no. There is a difference, Dad,” I continued, my tone sharp and bitter. “I only loved one person. Just one. So I’m still trying to figure out…how were you able to love two? Is that a talent?” A broken laugh escaped me as tears rolled down my cheeks. “Dad, I didn’t seduce anyone. Yes, I was angry at Mili because of you. But I didn’t fall in love with the wrong person just to hurt her. If I wanted to hurt her, I could’ve done it in countless other ways and at any time I pleased.”

Paglingon ko, si Mili ay nakatingin na sa akin, namamaga ang mga mata.

“Hindi ko siya nilandi o inakit para agawin sa ’yo. Siya ang lumapit sa akin. At hindi niya sinabi na may girlfriend siya.”

“Paano ko ’yan paniniwalaan?” umiiyak niyang tanong. “Magkasama kayo sa hotel kanina. Ni hindi ka man lang nagulat nang sabihin kong fiancé ko ang kasama mo.”

“Noong birthday ni Sab,” maingat kong simula, “bigla siyang sumulpot sa comfort room at ipinasok ako sa loob. Iyon ’yong oras na tumatawag ka. Iniwan niya ako bigla, kaya hinanap ko siya. That’s when I saw you two together by the pool. That was when I found out everything,” I recounted, replaying that awful night in my head.

“A-ang tagal na pala…” bulong niya, halos wala nang boses. “Ang tagal mo na rin palang alam… pero bakit itinuloy mo pa rin?”

“Dahil mahal ko na siya noon.” Huminga ako nang malalim. “Mahal ko na siya bago ko pa nalaman na ikaw ang girlfriend niya. Umasa akong mamahalin niya rin ako, dahil akala ko wala siyang karelasyon, hindi niya sinabi. And when I discovered the truth, my hatred for you grew. Because it was you again. It’s always you. You’re always the one who ends up with the people I love.”

I glanced at Mom and Dad as I said the last words. “Oo, nagkamali ako. Nagkamali ako nang pumayag ako sa gusto ng boyfriend mo. Pero gaya mo, gaya ni Dad… nagmahal lang din ako.”

“Pero ang haba ng panahon para itama mo ’yon nang malaman mo ang totoo! Pero hindi mo ginawa!” sigaw ni Mili.

“Because I loved him!” I screamed back. “Because I was blinded by how much I loved him and I didn’t want to let him go. But we never had a relationship. He’s telling the truth — we were never together.”

“What?” they all said almost in unison, confusion crossing their faces.

“That’s right. We weren’t in a relationship. He came to me and asked me to be his… f-fuck buddy,” I admitted, looking away in shame.

I heard Dad curse under his breath. Mom gasped.

“At pumayag ka?” tanong ni Mili, hindi makapaniwala.

“Oo.” Diretso kong sagot. “Dahil akala ko hindi ako mahuhulog. Akala ko pampalipas lang ng oras. Pero iba ang ipinakita niya. Ipinadama niya sa akin ang pag-aalaga at pagmamahal na matagal ko nang hinahanap sa pamilyang ’to. He made me believe in all those little gestures, in all the small acts of kindness. I was happy. And I know he was, too. So… can you really blame me?”

Can they blame me for finding in the wrong person the love they were supposed to give me?

“Nagpunta ako rito hindi para magmalinis o siraan siya,” tuloy ko. “Kundi para sabihin ang totoo. Maniwala man kayo o hindi, hindi ko na problema ’yon. Yes, I was wrong to be involved with someone who was already engaged. And that’s something I deeply regret. Magalit ka sa akin, saktan mo ako, sisihin mo ako pero hindi na mababago n’on ang nangyari. Pareho lang tayong biktima ng isang lalaki na pinairal ang sariling kagustuhan. I’ve learned my lesson.”

Isa-isa ko silang tiningnan. Wala sa kanila ang nakapagsalita. Lahat ay nakayuko, tahimik. Hindi ko alam kung galit pa rin ba sila, o naaawa na lang sila sa akin.

“Panalo ka na naman,” mahinahon kong sabi, halos pabulong. “Kahit anong gawin ko, ikaw pa rin ang pinipili ng lahat kaysa sa akin. And it hurts, God, it hurts. But I guess that’s just my fate. To never be chosen… by anyone. Happiness was never meant for me.”

Tinalikuran ko sila. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupunta, basta ang alam ko lang ay kailangan kong umalis. At sa sandaling nakatalikod ako sa kanila, doon na bumigay ang luha ko. Tahimik akong humihikbi habang naglalakad palabas ng bahay. Sa bawat hakbang, pakiramdam ko’y mas lalo akong nawawala.

When I was a kid, all I ever wanted from my parents was happiness and love. I never felt that…not once before she came into our lives. Simula nang dumating siya, nagbago ang lahat. I envied her for being good at everything, for having everything, for being enough . She could do anything, be anyone, and people would still love her. And me? No matter how hard I tried, I was always the one left behind. Always the one they forgot.

The day she arrived was the day my world began to fade. It was the start of the story where I became the extra. The unwanted chapter. The daughter who never got chosen.

And maybe… maybe that’s all I’ll ever be.

Chapter 19

After that intense confrontation with my family, I never went back home. Days passed. Then weeks. And yet… nothing. Not a single call, not a single text, not even from Dos. It was as if we had all vanished from each other’s lives.

During those days, the weight on my chest never left… stress, guilt, sorrow, all piling up inside me. But instead of wallowing in misery, I chose to keep myself busy. Every single day, I went around visiting my bar’s branches. I handled everything myself — from choosing the liquor and managing the expenses down to cleaning tables and wiping counters. Even the smallest tasks, I took on willingly. Because that was the only way I knew to distract myself… to forget, even just for a little while.

“Hi.”

Natigilan ako sa pag-inom at pag-iisip nang marinig ko ’yon, isang pamilyar pero hindi inaasahang boses. Lumingon ako at nakita ko siyang umupo sa katabing stool sa bar counter.

“Sinong kasama mo?” I asked immediately, glancing toward the entrance as if expecting someone else to follow.

“Wala. Don’t worry, hindi ko siya kasama.” Umorder siya ng alak, pero nanatiling nakatingin sa akin.

“What brought you here?” tanong ko. Medyo dumadami na rin ang tao dahil gabi na.

“How are you?” balik niya sa akin habang iniikot ang basong may yelo sa kanang kamay.

“Okay lang naman ako. Bakit?”

“You sure?” His tone carried doubt, as if he could see right through me.

“Of course.” I forced a smile.

Daniel turned his full attention to me then, resting his temple against his fist and studying me intently. “I know everything. You don’t have to pretend. I’m his friend… and cousin.”

I inhaled sharply, then sighed and shook my head slightly. “Still, I’m fine.”

“So… kapatid mo pala si Mili? Kumusta kayong dalawa?” tanong niya, parang sinusubok ako.

“We’ve never been okay,” tapat kong sagot. “We’re not been on good terms since day one.”

“Tapos nadagdagan pa ng lamat.” Napailing siya. “Dos is an asshole. Legendary playboy siya sa circle namin. Kaya nagulat kaming lahat nang sabihin niyang in love siya sa secretary niya. Akala namin nagbago na siya dahil sa kapatid mo. Hindi pa rin pala.”

“Are they still going to push through with the wedding?” I asked before I could stop myself. I didn’t even know why I wanted to know.

“Are you planning to stop it? Gonna crash the ceremony and scream, ‘Itigil ang kasal!’ ?” biro niya sabay tawa.

“Tss. Why would I do that?”

“Because you love him. Isn’t it?”

“ Loved. “ I corrected him. “And no. I will never do that shit. He’s not worth fighting for.”

“Woah, ang bilis mong naka-moved on ah.”

“Hindi ko kailangan mag-moved on. Moving forward. Hindi man gano’n kadali, pero isang beses lang akong nagmahal at sa unang beses din akong nasaktan. Hindi na mauulit.”

He didn’t respond, but when I glanced his way, I caught him still staring, there was something in his gaze I couldn’t quite read.

I was about to speak again when three women entered the bar.

I missed them.

Sinundan ko ng tingin habang papunta sila sa VIP room. Nang masalubong ko ang tingin ni Rein, agad akong ngumiti pero agad ding nabura ’yon nang hindi man lang niya ako nginitian pabalik. Parang wala lang ako. Parang hindi kami magkakilala.

“Baka hindi ka nakilala,” sabi ni Daniel. “Puntahan mo na sila.”

“Paano ka?”

“Lalaki ako, Mifi. Kaya kong mag-isa. Kaya sige na, puntahan mo na ang mga kaibigan mo. You need them more than you need me right now. We’ll have plenty of time to talk when you’re ready.”

He smiled. I returned it, faintly. “Thanks. I’ll leave you for now.”

I walked toward the VIP room, the place that used to be ours, our little sanctuary.

The waiter had just set their drinks down when I arrived.

“H-hey,” Sab greeted me, her tone awkward and unsure.

I sat beside her, directly across from Rein.

“Kumusta?” tanong ko.

Nagkatinginan si Sab at Aicka habang umiinom. Si Rein naman, hindi man lang ako tinapunan ng tingin.

“A-ah… o-okay. Okay lang naman. Ikaw?” halos pabulong na sagot ni Aicka.

“Fine… I guess?”

After that, silence fell. The laughter that once filled this room was gone. The jokes, the easy banter, the warmth — all gone. It felt like we were worlds apart now.

“Do we have a problem? Are we… cool?” I asked gently, trying to soften my tone.

“O-of course! I mean… yeah, we’re fine. Aren’t we?” Sab said quickly.

“It’s been so long since you guys came here. Have you been that busy?” I asked, even though I already knew the truth. I’d seen their photos together on social media almost every day.

“Busy,” Rein replied flatly.

Sab and Aicka both choked on their drinks at her sudden tone. The air had shifted — heavier, colder.

“Spill it. I know you too well, girls. Something’s bothering you.”

Tahimik silang lahat. Kita ko ang hirap sa paglunok ni Sab. Si Aicka ay tumikhim. Si Rein — nakatingin sa akin, walang emosyon.

“How are you and your friends with benefits?” she asked, lacing the words with biting sarcasm.

“We’re over.”

No reaction. Not even a surprise. As if they had already expected it.

“Oh… really?” Rein raised an eyebrow. “That explains a lot.”

“Explain what?” I asked, confused.

“Rein… please,” Sab muttered.

“After a month of hiding, nagkabukingan na rin pala kayo? You still saw him, knowing na fiancé siya ng kapatid mo?”

“It’s over, Rein. Why bring up the past again?”

“Bakit ba hindi mo pag-aralan na makuntento sa kung ano lang ang sa’yo? Bakit ang hilig mong mang-agaw ng hindi naman sa’yo in the first place?” sunod-sunod na tanong niya.

“Rein! Stop it!” Sab yelled.

“What are you even saying? This isn’t about me and Dos anymore, is it?”

“Seriously? After Dos, now it’s Daniel? Who’s next? Jinx? Prince?”

“Rein! Enough!” Sab snapped.

“What?! I’m just telling the truth. And the truth is — she’s the problem!”

“Rein… calm the fuck down!” Aicka shouted.

Rein laughed bitterly.

I didn’t know how to feel. The sting of her words rooted me to the spot. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t breathe.

Tumawa ako nang bahagya, isang mapait na tawa na kasabay ng pagtulo ng luha ko. It hurts more than I ever imagined — being judged by the people you thought would never judge you.

They were all looking at me now.

“Of all people… kayo pa talaga?” basag ang boses ko. “Kaya kong tanggapin lahat ng pangmamata ng ibang tao. Kaya kong tiisin ang galit ng pamilya ko. Dahil alam kong higit sa lahat, kayo ang nakakakilala sa ’kin. Pero ano ’to?” Napasabunot ako sa sarili kong buhok.

“Kung iniisip niyong nilalandi ko si Daniel, nagkakamali kayo! My God, Rein! Isang beses lang akong nagkamali, isang beses lang akong sumuway sa inyo… at ganito na kababa ang tingin niyo sa ’kin? Wala na ngang natira sa akin… kayo na lang sana ang pag-asa ko. Kayo na lang sana ang kakapitan ko sa panahong wala nang naniniwala sa ’kin. P-pero kayo rin pala… kayo rin pala, isusuka ako.”

Hindi ko na napigilan ang paghikbi.

“I was a victim too… I thought you’d understand. I thought… you were my allies. I was trying… I am trying to make things right. But this? It hurts. It hurts so much to realize, in a moment like this, that no one wants to stay. No one wants to believe in me. Even the friends I treated like sisters… I can’t feel them anymore.”

I saw Sab and Aicka wiping their tears. Rein couldn’t even look at me.

“M-mahal ko kayo… sobra. Kayo ang huling taong inakala kong tatalikod sa akin. But I can’t blame you if you don’t want someone like me around. Just know this — I will never betray you. Not even if it costs me my life.”

Tumayo ako, luhaang lumabas ng VIP room. Nadaanan ko pa sina Daniel at Karlo na agad tumigil sa pag-uusap nang makita ako. Pero hindi ko na sila pinansin. Diretso ako palabas, sumakay sa kotse, at doon ko tuluyang pinakawalan ang lahat.

Why does happiness feel like a distant star — so bright, yet forever out of reach?

Why does fate seem so cruel, as if it was never meant for someone like me to be happy?

Chapter 20

I was eight the first time I realized that “family” wasn’t always what stories said it would be.

“Don’t forget to tell your parents that we’ll have a meeting tomorrow, okay? I need all your parents there,” Mrs. Reyes reminded us before dismissal.

“Yes, Ma’am!” we chorused like we always did.

Outside the gate, I saw Yaya Lora waiting for me — as usual. This was my everyday routine: go to school with Yaya, go home with Yaya. Never Mom, never Dad. They were always too busy, always somewhere else.

“Hello, baby Mifi! How’s your day?” she asked, like she always did, the same warm smile on her face.

“I’m not a baby anymore, Yaya,” I pouted. “And my day was fine. The teacher said parents need to be at school tomorrow.”

“Oh… sige. Ako na lang ang pupunta bukas. Anong oras daw?” she offered without hesitation.

I stopped walking and looked up at her. “Why you? The teacher said parents. You’re not my parents, right?”

“A-ah… oo. Pero alam mo namang laging busy sina Ma’am at Sir. Baka hindi sila makapunta.”

I lowered my gaze and kept walking. I didn’t say anything else, but the question stuck in my chest like a stone: Why don’t they ever come?

I couldn’t remember the last time they’d asked me how my day was… or the last time they waited for me at the gate. I used to cry about it. But eventually, I just stopped expecting.

When we got home, I still did what I always did… I hoped. I pushed open the door and looked around, half-expecting them to be there waiting. But there was no one. The house was quiet, except for the maids cleaning and cooking.

I sighed. I told myself I was used to it, but it still hurt. Every day, I wished for the same thing: that they’d be at the door, smiling, asking about my day. I missed the way they used to beam with pride whenever I came home with a star stamp on my hand. Back then, their smiles were the reason I felt like I was worth something.

I was only eight, but already I felt like their love was something that came and went like a season that never stayed long enough.

The next morning, I found them both in the kitchen. My heart leapt. It was rare to see them together, and I hurried to join them at the table.

“Hi Mom! Hi Dad!” I greeted them cheerfully.

“Good morning, baby,” Mom said with a small smile. It was simple, but it was enough to make my chest feel warm.

“Mom, Dad… My teacher said parents need to attend the meeting today. You’re coming, right?” I asked, hope flickering in my voice.

“I’m sorry, anak,” Mom said gently. “Si Yaya Lora na lang ang pupunta. I have work.”

My smile faltered. “Dad?”

“I have important things to do, Mifi. I need to meet some important people today.”

“Important people, huh?” Mom muttered under her breath, and I felt the tension shift.

“Stop being sarcastic in front of our daughter,” Dad hissed.

“Then stop doing stupid things behind our backs!” she snapped.

“Are you fighting again?” I asked, my voice small but they didn’t answer. They just stared at each other before turning away.

What’s with adults? Why do they always fight?

Mom walked over and kissed my forehead. “I need to go. Yaya will attend the meeting. Bawi ako next time, okay?”

I nodded weakly. Dad followed, patting my head. “Study hard, Mifi.”

And then they were gone. Again.

I stared at the breakfast I no longer wanted to eat. A gentle hand touched my shoulder — Yaya, who is always there.

“Pagpasensyahan mo na sila. Marami lang sigurong trabaho. Kain ka na,” she said softly.

I forced a few bites before pushing my plate away.

I was just a kid, and yet I felt exhausted…like the weight of their silence was too heavy for me to carry.

“Where are your parents? Is yaya your mom?” one of my classmates sneered during recess.

“Are you an orphan? Or do your parents not love you?” another one teased.

I clenched my fists around my skirt, trying to hold myself together as they laughed. Their words stung more than I wanted to admit.

“Mifi!” Yaya’s voice cut through the noise as she rushed to my side. She glared at the kids. “Stop bullying her.”

“You’re the maid, right? Was she abandoned by her parents? Poor girl!” one girl mocked before they all burst out laughing again.

Yaya wrapped her arms around me protectively. “She’s not abandoned. Her parents are just busy with work. Maybe you should go ask your parents to teach you some manners.”

The kids scattered. Yaya held me tighter.

“Nandito lang ako, ha? Hindi kita pababayaan. Huwag mong intindihin ang sinasabi nila,” she whispered.

And for the first time that day, I let myself cry. Right there, in her arms, I broke. Because even if the world made me feel unwanted, Yaya made sure I never felt unloved.

Years passed, and nothing really changed, except maybe that I got used to the ache. Yaya was the only constant in my life. She was there every day, in every quiet meal, in every lonely night. She was the one who understood me.

But even she couldn’t shield me from everything.

Sometimes, I’d wake up in the middle of the night and see Mom sitting alone in the kitchen, a bottle of wine in front of her. She’d whisper through her tears, words I didn’t understand back then:

“Hindi ko alam kung saan ako nagkulang… Pero masakit. Ayokong masira kami… ayoko…”

I didn’t understand, not completely. But the image of her crying and breaking while pretending to smile in the morning… that memory never left me.

I was thirteen when everything finally made sense.

Dad came home one afternoon with a girl about my age. She stood beside him, holding his hand.

“Who is she?” I asked, confused.

They exchanged glances before Mom walked over and put her arm around me.

“Mifi, meet Mili,” she said. Her name sounded too much like mine. Too close.

“She’s your sister,” Dad added.

“You mean adopted sister?” I clarified, still trying to make sense of it.

“No… step-sister.”

My world stilled.

“She’s…” Mom swallowed hard, struggling for words. “She’s your dad’s daughter.”

The pieces clicked. The fights. Mom’s tears. The late nights. It all made sense now because of her .

“She’s going to live with us starting today,” Dad announced, as if that were something to celebrate.

“What the—are you insane?!” I screamed. “This is unacceptable! What’s wrong with you?! I will never accept her!”

I ran to my room — no, to Yaya’s room and collapsed into her arms.

“Kaya pala… may bago na. May bago na silang anak. Yaya, paano na ako?” I sobbed.

“Anak ka pa rin nila,” she said gently. “Nadagdagan lang kayo. May kapatid ka lang ngayon.”

“Hindi! Hindi ba sila masaya sa akin? Hindi ba ako sapat?”

“Maiintindihan mo rin balang araw,” Yaya whispered. “At sana, kapag dumating ’yong araw na ’yon, hindi ka magtanim ng galit. Subukan mong intindihin kung bakit.”

“Mas mahal ba nila ’yong bagong anak?” I asked, trembling.

“Siyempre hindi. Pareho kayong mahal e. Walang lamang o walang kulang. Pantay lamang palagi,” saad nito.

Gusto ko man maniwala sa sinabi ni yaya, pero iba ang araw-araw kong nakikita. Si Mili ay matalinong bata, laging may award sa school. Masipag sa bahay at magalang. Palaging napunta si Daddy sa school kapag kailangan ni Mili dahil sa mga award nito. Palagi siyang kasama ni mommy sa pamamalengke at minsan ay katulong sa pag be-bake.

Lahat ng oras na hiniling ko noon sa mga magulang ko ay sa kaniya naibigay. Dahilan para mas mabuo o magtanim ako ng galit.

The bitterness grew deeper and darker with time.

Then one day, the only person who truly loved me was gone.

Yaya died of a heart condition I never knew she had. I remember her last words, whispered to me while she hugged me goodnight:

“Pangako mo, magiging masaya ka sa buhay. Pero kailangan mong matutuhan ang magpatawad, okay? Mahal na mahal ka ni yaya Lora. Hindi ka nag-iisa, palagi mong tatandaan ’yan…”

Ito ang mga huling salita ni yaya bago ang araw na mawala siya. Masaya pa kaming nanood sa kanyang kwarto. Siya pa ang nagpatulog sa akin habang yakap ako. Wala akong ideya na malala na pala ang sakit nito.The next morning, I woke up alone. And she was gone.

“Paano na ako? Yaya… ikaw lang ang kakampi ko. Ikaw lang ang nagmamahal sa ’kin. Hindi ko kaya ang mag-isa…” I cried every day in her room, clinging to our picture.

Without her, the loneliness became unbearable. Naging bugnutin ako at walang pakialam sa paligid. Palagi kong sinusungitan si Mili hanggang sa makita kong umiyak ito. Doon ko pa lamang siya titigilan. At dahil din doon, palagi kaming nag-aaway ng magulang ko.

The house felt emptier than ever.

But somewhere along the way, light found me again.

It came in the form of three girls — Sab, Aicka, and Rein. They weren’t bound to me by blood, but by choice. They listened, they stayed, and they loved me when I felt most unlovable.

They became the family I never thought I’d have, the ones who reminded me that even broken people like me deserve warmth. They helped me dream again, guided me when I was lost, and built a place for me in their hearts.

For the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel like an outsider. I didn’t feel invisible.

Because of them, I learned that family isn’t always about who you’re born to. Sometimes, it’s about who chooses to stay — even when you feel like you’re not worth staying for.

And maybe… just maybe… that’s where healing begins.

Chapter 21

TRIGGER WARNING‼️

SELF-HARM

Please don’t do this to yourself. Skip this chapter if you’re not comfortable.

—

No one wants me here. No one can stay for me forever. They hate me. They can’t love me.

I’m a disappointment. A slut. A whore.

“You’re nothing compared to her. You’re not enough.”

I hear those words all the time. In the darkness of my room, where I’m all alone, they echo over and over again. All I can do is cover my ears and cry, because I can’t see them but their voices never stop.

My whole body trembles. My heartbeat races with fear. I don’t know what to do.

“Stop… please… please…” umiiyak kong pakiusap.

Sa tuwing nagigising ako sa madilim kong kuwarto, palagi nilang sinasabi sa akin na wala akong kuwenta. Na ayaw nila sa akin. Na hindi nila ako mahal.

“Oo! Hindi nila ako katulad! Oo! Mas magaling sila! Ganito lang ako, e. Tama na! Ayoko na!” paulit-ulit kong sigaw.

Kapag may kumakatok sa pintuan, lalo akong natatakot. Hindi ko ito binubuksan sa takot na isa iyon sa mga may ayaw sa akin. Ayoko na. Pagod na akong ipilit ang sarili ko. Ayoko na. I’m tired of forcing myself to fit in. I’m tired of doing everything just to be accepted.

What if they hurt me? Baka pagtawanan nila ako.

Lumapit ako sa drawer at kinuha ang gunting. Gamit ang nanginginig kong kamay, unti-unti ko itong inilapit sa aking sarili.

“T-they’ll be happy if I’m gone… right? Ang mga magulang ko na hindi ako mahal… Ang kapatid kong pinipili ng lahat. Ang mga kaibigan ko na hindi ako tanggap at hindi ako maintindihan. Magiging masaya sila…” bulong ko sa sarili ko at ngumiti sa gunting na hawak ko.

Yaya Lora… you’re the only one who truly loves me. Please, wait for me.

I bring the scissors closer to my wrist. Gently, I press them against my skin until I see the first trace of blood. Napangiti ako nang makita ang dumadaloy na dugo sa patalim ng gunting.

Pagkatapos ng pangalawang guhit, bigla na lamang padarag na nagbukas ang pinto ng kwarto ko. Nagbukas ang ilaw at bumungad sa pintuan ang mga taong ayaw kong makita—ang mga taong hindi ako matanggap.

Napaatras ako sa takot na baka saktan nila ako, baka may sabihin na naman sila sa akin, baka husgahan na naman nila ako.

Lahat sila ay napatigil at gulat na nakatingin sa akin. May umiiyak, may tumatawag sa pangalan ko. Napatakip ako ng aking tainga at umiyak.

“Stop! I don’t want this anymore! Stay away from me! I can’t do this anymore! I-if you don’t want me, then just leave me alone… please… it hurts too much…” I cry weakly, my voice breaking with every word.

“M-Mifi…” tawag ng tatlong umiiyak na babae na agad lumapit sa akin, kasunod ang ilan pa na hindi ko na matandaan.

Bago ko pa man sila maitulak palayo, nagdilim na ang paningin ko.

As my eyes close, my only wish is to be with Yaya Lora so I can finally feel real love.

“I’m sorry… Please, wake up, Mifi…” a voice cries out.

“A-anak… gumising ka na. Miss ka na ni Mommy. G-gusto ko pang bumawi sa pagkukulang ko sa ’yo.” Boses iyon ni Mommy. Ramdam ko rin ang paghawak niya sa kamay ko.

Ang bigat ng pakiramdam ko. Masakit ang ulo ko at hindi ko agad maimulat ang mga mata ko. Rinig ko ang mahihinang boses sa paligid. Ramdam ko ang mga haplos sa magkabila kong kamay. Ramdam ko ang sakit.

“It’s been two days, please wake up… Marami kaming nag-aalala at naghihintay sa ’yo,” sabi ng boses ng babae sa kaliwa ko. Siguradong hindi si Mommy ’yon dahil nasa kanan ko siya nang magsalita kanina. Aicka?

“The doctor said she’s been suffering from depression and no one noticed. Not even her.” Mom said.

“And now you’re asking yourselves why this is happening to her? Have you ever asked yourselves why?”

“Rein…” tinig ni Sab na tila inaawat si Rein.

“Hindi, e. Alam kong nagkamali ako, inaamin ko ’yon. Pero alam natin ang pinagdadaanan ni Mifi sa pamilya niya. We knew how hard she tried to fit in with them. She suffered so much. But her family never even bothered to ask if she was okay!”

Rein…

Ramdam ko ang galit ni Rein sa pamilya ko noon pa, pero naging mabuti pa rin siya sa kanila bilang respeto sa akin.

“Have you ever once asked her if she’s sleeping well? If she’s eating properly? Never! Tita, I’m not her, but I know and I felt the weight of pain in her heart. And it’s because of you, her family. This happened because she only wanted you to ask how her day was. Pero kinalimutan niyo ang pagiging magulang sa kaibigan namin!”

“Rein… calm down. Nasa hospital tayo,” Sab’s voice says gently.

Gusto kong umiyak sa narinig ko. Because despite all our misunderstandings, I can feel that they truly love me.

“I’m s-sorry…” basag na boses ni Mommy.

“I just hope it’s not too late for her to hear that. Dahil kapag hindi nagising ang kaibigan namin sa huling araw na sinabi ng doctor na dapat gigising na siya, hinding-hindi ko mapapatawad ang pamilya niyo.”

Tuluyan nang tumulo ang luha ko. Gustong-gusto kong yakapin si Rein dahil sa mga sinabi niya. Pero kahit daliri ko ay hindi ko magawang igalaw. Maya-maya pa ay nawalan na naman ako ng ulirat.

Mifi… kailangan mong lumaban. May nagmamahal pa sa ’yo. May naghihintay sa ’yo.

“Nak… gumising ka na. Maawa ka sa mga kaibigan mo…”

“Yaya Lora… please take me with you. You’re the only one I know who truly loves me — who would never hurt me…”

“Hindi pa pwede, nak. Hindi mo pa nakukuha ang kaligayahan na para sa ’yo. Maghintay ka lamang at darating din ang oras. Aayon sa ’yo ang panahon. Life will give you everything you deserve.”

“Yaya…”

Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal ang tulog ko. Pero sa wakas, unti-unti kong naimulat ang aking mga mata.

“Mifi!”

Agad naglapitan ang mga tao na hindi ko pa masyadong maaninag. Medyo malabo pa ang paningin ko kaya ilang beses pa akong kumurap.

“Thank God! You’re awake!” boses ni Mommy sabay halik sa kamay ko.

“Tumawag kayo ng doctor! Dali!” rinig kong utos ni Daddy.

“Mifi…”

Tinignan ko isa-isa ang mga taong nakapalibot sa akin. Lahat sila namamaga ang mga mata.

Sab, Rein, and Aicka are crying but smiling. Mommy is sobbing uncontrollably. Mili stares at me with tearful eyes. Daddy looks down, unable to meet my gaze. Pati ang magpipinsang Heisenberg na nakatayo malapit sa pinto, nakatingin lamang na may nag-aalalang mga mata.

Dumating ang doctor dahilan para lumayo muna sila sa higaan ko. Sinuri ako mula sa mata, bibig at sa pulso.

“For many people with depression, symptoms usually are severe enough to cause noticeable problems in day-to-day activities, such as work, school, social activities or relationships with others. Some people may feel generally miserable or unhappy without really knowing why…” Paliwanag ng doctor na nakakuha ng attention ng lahat habang ako naman ay tulala.

“More than just a bout of the blues, depression isn’t a weakness and you can’t simply “snap out” of it. Depression may require long-term treatment. But don’t get discouraged. Most people with depression feel better with medication, psychotherapy or both.“

May sinasabi pa siya na hindi ko masyadong maintindihan at sina mommy na lamang ang nakipag-usap. Pero isa lang ang naintindihan ko: depression.

Ang mga araw pala na pinipilit kong magustuhan ako ng mga tao sa paligid ko ay isa nang sintomas. Ang pag-o-overthink ko sa mga bagay na hindi pa nangyayari ay sintomas din. Matagal ko na palang nararamdaman pero binalewala ko. Naging malala na pala nang maisip kong mawala na lang dahil sa akala ko doon sila magiging masaya. Ang mga boses na aking naririnig dahil sa sobrang pag-iisip ang nagtulak sa akin gawin ang lahat ng iyon.

“B-bakit kayong lahat nandito? May taning na ba ang buhay ko?” tanong ko sa kanila at isa-isa ko silang tiningnan.

“I’m sorry…” Rein suddenly says. “I-I shouldn’t have spoken without thinking. I let my emotions get the better of me. I’m so sorry…”

“I understand,” I reply. Alam kong nagselos lang siya at hindi na nakapag-isip sa sasabihin niya.

Naglakad siya palapit at agad akong niyakap nang buong ingat.

“Sorry talaga… But I’ve realized that you mean so much more to me.” I hug her back as she whispers those words.

Moments later, Sab and Aicka join in, hugging me too.

“Mifi… tinakot mo kami. Ang tagal mong nagkulong sa condo mo,” umiiyak na saad ni Sab.

“Tapos ang tagal mo pang tulog dito sa hospital. Bakit kasi umiinom ka ng mga gamot na hindi naman dapat?!” inis ngunit umiiyak na sabi ni Aicka.

Napangiti na lang ako sa mga kaibigan ko. Nakatanaw lamang sa amin ang ilan pa habang nagyayakapan kaming apat.

Yes… I had been taking all kinds of pills long before the day I hurt myself. I had already decided to end my life, believing that no one truly loved me.

Pagkalas namin sa yakap, bumalik silang tatlo sa puwesto nila. Lumapit naman si Dos.

I don’t understand why I feel nothing. I know I loved him deeply — but now, I feel… nothing.

“Mifi…” He bows his head, unsure what to say. I raise my eyebrows slightly.

“S-sorry… I apologize for the trouble. I’m sorry for making you feel unworthy of love. You are enough — just not for a man like me. I’m sorry… sorry if you wasted your time on me.”

Ngumiti ako. “I regret doing that sin with you, but honestly, your time and our bond made me happy. Those times made me forget my problem for a while. But at the end, hindi maitatama ng mali ang isa pang pagkakamali.”

He nods and glances at Mili, who’s watching us expressionlessly.

After Dos leaves, Mili steps closer.

“Don’t tell me you’re the one going to apologize  when I’m the one who owes you more?” I say right away. She sits on the edge of my bed, and I adjust myself against the pillow.

“Noon, hindi ko alam kung paano ka lalapitan. Sobra ’yong takot ko sa presensya mo, parang trauma. Every night, I asked myself what was wrong with me. Every day, I wondered what I could do for you to accept me. But eventually, I realized maybe you just didn’t understand that we’re the same. Pareho tayong naging biktima ng mga magulang natin. Ang pinagkaiba nga lang natin, ayaw mo sa ’kin samantalang gusto kitang maging kapatid.” Mahabang kuwento niya.

Her words bring back memories… all those times she tried to talk to me, and I yelled at her before she could even speak.

“Gusto kong magalit dahil sa ginawa niyo sa akin. Dahil alam ko sa sarili ko na wala naman akong kasalanan sa inyo. Pero bakit ako ang kailangan mag-suffer? Kayo ang may kasalanan sa akin. Pero hindi pa man kayo humihingi ng tawad, napatawad ko na kayo. My mom taught me never to hold on to anger if I want to live a happy life.”

From her words and the way she speaks, I can tell her mother raised her well. Nahiya ako sa panghuhusga ko sa kanyang nanay dahil sa galit ko.

“I’m sorry…” napatingin siya sa akin. Parang hindi makapaniwala na kaya kong sabihin ’yon. “Sorry sa mga araw na binubulyawan kita. For the days wasted because I let my anger control me. I’m sorry… sorry if I ruined your dreams.”

“Gaya ng sabi ko, biktima lamang tayo. Naiintindihan kita,” sabi niya. “Dad?” napatingin ako kay Daddy.

Napapalunok siya habang lumalapit sa akin.

“I don’t even know where to start… I’m aware of how disappointed you are. I know that, right now, I’m the one causing you the most pain. ’ Sorry ’ will never be enough. But I truly, deeply apologize for everything I’ve done.” His eyes, filled with sincerity, lock with mine and I see tears forming at their edges.

“I know the wounds I’ve caused run deep. I know how much your mother and I failed you. I also know that we’re the reason you’re going through all this. Sorry, anak… sorry kung naging iresponsable akong ama habang lumalaki ka. Pasensya na kung hindi ako naging mabuting ama. I just hope… I hope there’s still a space in your heart where forgiveness might grow.”

“Kaya kong magpatawad, pero hindi gano’n kadali. Halos dekada niyo akong napabayaan at hinayaan niyo lang ako kay Yaya Lora. Mahirap makalimot. And right now… I just can’t. You’re the reason behind all of this… everything that’s happening in my life. I-I’m not ready…”

Tumango-tango si Dad. “Naiintindihan ko, anak. Hindi mo kailangan magmadali. I’ll do everything I can while I wait for your wounds to heal.”

I close my eyes as he presses a gentle kiss to my forehead. Tears slip down my cheeks.

I missed having you, Dad…

“Your mom has something to say. And I hope you can still forgive us…” bulong niya kaya dahan-dahan akong kumalas sa yakap. Napatingin ako kay Mommy na tahimik na umiiyak sa tabi ng kama ko.

“W-what?”

Napayuko siya at mas umiyak sa kanyang mga palad na hindi ko lalo maintindihan.

Epilogue

Every pain serves a purpose. It teaches you a lesson, molds your strength, and eventually shapes you into a better version of yourself.

When you feel like falling, remember why you started in the first place. Because giving up will never be the best option.

Maraming beses akong sinubok ng panahon, at sa bawat pagsubok na iyon, gusto ko na lamang bumitiw. Because it felt like life was never meant for me. I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t loved. I wasn’t accepted for who I was.

But then I realized…why did God allow all of this to happen to me? Does He see me as brave? Does He know that I can overcome this?

Yes. I will. And I can.

The past years have never been easy. I kept fighting for my life. And with every battle I faced, I always asked myself: Was it all worth it? Have I become a better person? Have I reached the life that was meant for me? Am I truly happy?

Naupo ako sa manipis na damuhan, marahan kong ibinaba ang dala kong bulaklak at sinindihan ang kandila. Hinaplos ko ang bawat letra na nakaukit sa ibabaw ng puntod.

I missed you…

A small smile formed on my lips as my eyes welled up with tears, memories of you flooding back into my heart.

“Thank you sa pagiging mabuting ina… alam mo kung gaano kita kamahal.”

Unti-unting nagtuluan ang luha sa aking mga pisngi habang nakatitig ako sa pangalan nya.

“Hindi kita masisisi… at hindi rin kita pwedeng sisihin. Dahil kahit ano pa man ang nangyari, hindi mo pa rin naman ako pinabayaan.”

Living has always been a challenge. Every chapter of my life came with explosions of its own. And the loudest one was the day I woke up in the hospital.

“A-ano ’yon, Mom?” mahina kong tanong habang nakatingin sa umiiyak kong ina.

“H-hindi ako… ang t-tunay mong ina,” she whispered between sobs. I heard everyone in the room gasp. As for me, I couldn’t process the words fast enough.

Kagigising ko lang mula sa mahabang pagkakatulog… at ito agad ang bungad sa akin.

Ano na naman ’to?

“You could’ve just told me you didn’t want me. You don’t have to make up stories—”

“Si Lora…” putol ni Mommy sa sinasabi ko.

Natigilan ako. Parang nanikip ang dibdib ko sa bawat salitang kasunod.

“S-si Lora ang totoo mong ina, Mifi…”

Hindi ko alam kung may puwang pa ba sa dibdib ko para sa isa pang pasabog.

“P-paanong nangyari na si Yaya Lora?” halos pabulong kong tanong habang pinupunasan ni Mommy ang kanyang luha.

“Your dad and I couldn’t conceive because of my condition. So we decided to find someone who could carry a child for us. Lora… she agreed, in exchange for help for her sick mother in the hospital. Isang gabi lang silang magkasama ng daddy mo — isang gabing kailangang makabuo. Nabuo ka sa gabing iyon.”

“Pinasya naming manatili muna si Lora sa amin habang nagbubuntis para maalagaan siya… at ikaw. Pero nang maipanganak ka na, ayaw na niyang umalis. She said she wouldn’t take you away from us, but she wanted to stay and see you grow up… even if it meant working as your nanny. That’s why she’s been with you since you were a baby.”

Sa haba ng kuwento ni Mommy, iisa lang ang tumatak sa isip ko: sayang.

Sayang at hindi ko agad nalaman. Sayang ang mga araw na sana’y inalagaan ko siya, sana’y nalabanan namin ng magkasama ang kanyang sakit.

But what broke me even more was the thought that… even though she knew I was conceived to be someone else’s child, she never distanced herself. She chose to stay… to fulfill the role of a mother behind the title of being my nanny.

Walang tigil ang pag-iyak ko noon. Iyak ng sakit. Iyak ng pangungulila.

Kaya pala gano’n niya ako ituring. Kaya pala ang sarap sa pakiramdam tuwing tinatawag niya akong anak. Kaya pala hindi naging mahirap sa aming dalawa ang magturingang mag-ina kahit wala sina Mommy… dahil siya pala talaga ang totoo kong ina.

“From Yaya Lora… you are now my Mama Lora. Sayang… hindi mo man lang narinig na tinawag kitang Mama. Pero salamat, Ma. Dahil kahit alam mong ipinagbuntis mo lang ako para sa ibang tao, hindi mo kinalimutan na anak mo pa rin ako. Hindi mo ako pinabayaan. Salamat sa pagmamahal. Salamat sa pag-unawa. Salamat sa pagpapatahan tuwing ako’y umiiyak.”

How I wish you were still by my side during those times I needed someone like you the most.

It’s hard to live life the way we want to, especially when it’s not what’s meant for us. We can’t rewrite our story just because we wish to. If this is what God has written for us, then we must learn to embrace it. We may not be able to change it, but we can grow through it. Because beyond every pain and struggle, there are far greater things waiting for us, things that will make all the suffering worth it.

“Mama!” a small voice called from behind me.

I turned around with a smile. A little girl, barely two years old, came running toward me, holding hands with my friends.

Yes… I’m a mom now. A single mom.

Despite all the medications I had taken, I was deeply grateful that my baby never gave up on me. In her tiny heartbeat, I found my reason to keep living… a reminder that even in the darkest moments, life can still give you something worth fighting for.

The sins I committed with Dos may have led to what others would call a mistake, but for me, that “mistake” turned into my greatest lesson. She taught me that even from the worst decisions, something beautiful can still be born. She may have been conceived in sin, but she became my greatest blessing, proof that our past doesn’t have to define us, and that redemption often arrives in the most unexpected forms.

Dos and Mili never ended up getting married. But I also turned down Dos’s offer for us to build a family together. One mistake was enough. I had already learned my lesson — and I had already received my reward.

We didn’t need to be a “complete family” to consider ourselves whole. He could still be a father even if we weren’t together, and I would never deprive him of the chance to be present in his daughter’s life.

At higit sa lahat, hindi ako magiging masaya kung habang magkasama kami, inuusig naman ako ng konsensya ko. Sinira ko ang buhay ng kapatid ko, pati ang pangarap niyang magkaroon ng sariling pamilya. Kaya anong karapatan ko para magpakasaya kasama ang taong naging kasama ko sa kasalanan — ang kasalanang siyang sumira ng isang pangarap?

Sa huli, pinili naming mag kaniya-kaniya.

Pagkalipas ng isang taon, natutunan kong magpatawad. At doon ko lamang naranasan ang tunay na saya. Napatawad ko sina Mommy at Daddy na hindi kailanman napagod ipakita araw-araw ang kanilang pagsisisi.

Naging maayos na rin kami ni Mili. Tinanggap namin ang isa’t isa bilang magkapatid. Isa pa nga siya sa mga ninang ni Leera, ang aking anak.

“Ang tagal mo raw eh! Naiinip na sa loob ng kotse kaya inilabas na namin,” sabi ni Sab habang hawak si Leera.

Ang tatlo kong kaibigan, kahit gaano sila ka-busy, hindi kailanman nakakalimot na kumustahin kami ng anak ko. Hindi rin nila ako iniwan noong mga panahong nagbubuntis ako, kahit may mga araw pa ring dinadalaw ako ng aking anxiety.

Paglapit ni Leera, agad ko siyang niyakap at binuhat.

“Sorry…” bulong ko sa kanila. “Let’s go?” tanong ko sa anak ko.

“P-papa?” inosente niyang tanong.

“Yeah… ihahatid ka namin kay papa mo. Are you excited?” tanong ko habang nakangiti.

“Yes! Papa!” sagot niya, at sabay-sabay kaming natawa.

Ngayon ang schedule ni Dos para makasama ang anak namin. From Friday to Sunday, magkasama silang maghapon. Minsan pa nga, kapag nami-miss niya si Leera, kahit anong oras ay pinapayagan ko siyang bumisita.

I once believed I wouldn’t survive this kind of setup, co-parenting with a man I shared such a painful past with. But as we grow older, we begin to understand that it’s no longer about us. It’s about choosing what’s best for everyone, especially for our child.

This isn’t about pretending everything is fine between us. It’s about being mature enough to rise above the hurt and do what’s right… what’s best.

Sins might give you a fleeting thrill, but they will never lead you anywhere worth going. Don’t let the excitement of the chase steer your life. Take control. Be the captain of your own ship. Choose the right direction. Choose to be better.

◦•●◉✿

𝑇ℎ𝑒

𝐸𝑛𝑑

✿◉●•◦

Thank you so much for staying with me until the very end of this story! I know it may not be everyone’s cup of tea, or even the ideal kind of story but I truly hope you’ve learned or felt something meaningful through it.

If you’d like to stay updated on my future works, feel free to follow my Facebook Page and join my Facebook Group for more updates and sneak peeks.

Thank you once again for reading and supporting! ᥫ᭡✨

𝐹𝐵 𝑃𝑎𝑔𝑒: 𝑀ℎ𝑎𝑑𝑧;

𝐹𝐵

𝐺𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑝

:

𝑀ℎ𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑐𝑧

Special Chapter 01

“Where are we heading to?” tanong ko sa mga pinsan ko. Magkakasama kami ngayon sa isang sasakyan papunta kung saan.

“Haven’t you heard about the famous bar in Taal?” Jinx asked.

“Huh?” I answered in confused.

“Basta! Wait and see… Let’s just enjoy this night,” Prince said.

Nagkibit-balikat na lamang ako at nagpatuloy sa panonood sa phone ko ng video ng mga cute na baby. They made my day every time I watch their videos.

“Hey! Nagpaalam ka ba naman?” kulbit ni Prince sa katabi nitong si Dos na tahimik na nagmamaneho.

“Do I need that?” he asked back.

“What? Of course you do need that!” sagot ni Prince.

“Why?”

“Anong why? Gago ka! Malamang girlfriend mo ’yon e, natural na kailangan mong magpaalam.”

I paused the video and joined the conversation.

“Ganoon ba talaga ’yon?” Dos asked again, as if he didn’t already know the answer.

The three of us exchanged glances and sighed.

“I thought you were serious this time?” I asked, my tone was serious.

“Yeah, of course I am.”

“Then update her every time you make plans or when you’re going out with us,” I said. The other two nodded in agreement.

“Tss. Fine! Later, okay? Look, I’m driving.”

“Good.”

After two and a half hours, we finally arrived at our destination.

The Craft Liquor.

Mukhang expensive ang bar. Maganda at malaki rin. Karamihan na parte ay salamin lalo na second floor nito. May mahinang tugtog na maririnig mula sa labas at sigurado akong napakalakas nito sa loob.

“Woah! The bar looks so damn good. I wonder if the owner is an engineer or an architect,” Jinx said in awe.

“Hmmm… or maybe a rich bachelor,” Prince added, and the three of us nodded.

That’s what I was thinking too. Siguro isang mayamang lalaki ang may-ari ng ganitong klaseng bar. Malamang kasing edad lang din namin.

“Shall we?” Dos asked.

“All right!”

We walked toward the entrance. Two bouncers stopped us to check our IDs.

“Do I look like a minor?” Jinx muttered. “Oh well, I do have a baby face,” he added, brushing his hair smugly.

“Tss,” we all reacted in unison.

Pagpasok namin, mas lalo kaming namangha sa loob. Malawak ang dance floor, may stage na malamang para sa live bands. Maraming couch at maganda ang lighting, hindi masyadong maliwanag, hindi rin sobrang dilim. Sapat din ang lamig ng aircon para hindi ka pawisan.

“Woah! This is really nice!”

“Yeah!” halos sabay-sabay naming reaksyon.

“Woah! This is really nice!”

“Yeah!” we all said almost simultaneously.

I glanced up at the second floor. Those must be VIP rooms surrounded by glass walls so you could see inside.

Pumunta kami sa mahabang bar counter at umorder ng alak. Ramdam ko ang mga tingin ng mga nadaanan namin, pati na rin ng ilan sa dance floor.

“Grabe! Ang ganda rito, ’no? Kahit crowded, hindi mo ramdam. Ang linis at ang ganda ng ambiance,” sabi ni Jinx.

“Yeah, masarap din ang alak at hindi mabagal ang serving,” dagdag pa ni Dos habang nililibot ang tingin.

While sipping my drink, I glanced around and froze when I noticed a group of girls staring in our direction. Judging by the way they were looking, they were probably talking about us.

And I was right, one of them stood up and approached us.

“Karlo!” tawag niya sa bartender. Naupo siya sa bakanteng stool malapit sa amin.

“M-miss Rein?” nauutal na sagot ng bartender. Mukhang suki talaga siya rito.

“One cocktail, please.”

“Y-Yes, Miss Rein.”

“She really is a regular,” Prince whispered.

“Yeah…” we all agreed.

She downed her drink quickly, then turned to us with a tipsy smile.

“Hi! Bago kayo rito?” tanong niya.

“Yeah,” I was the only one who answered. I looked at my cousins, but they were all staring at her.

“Oh, I see. By the way, I’m Rein — a friend of the owner. And you are?” She looked at us one by one, stopping at me.

“I’m Prince.”

“Jinx.”

“Dos.”

“And you?”

“Daniel.”

“Oh… Nice to meet you, gentlemen. Have a wonderful night. Enjoy!” she said before returning to her table.

“Woah! Looks like the owner is a rich bachelor after all. Look at that girl, of course rich bachelors always have sexy, beautiful friends,” Jinx said as we all watched Rein walk away.

Apat sila sa mesa. Lahat nagpakilala sa amin. Pero mas nakuha ng huling babae ang atensyon ko at ikinagulat naming lahat ang sinabi niya.

Alam kong hindi lang ako ang nabigla. Ang akala naming lahat ay lalaki ang owner ng bar pero hindi pala. But the owner os a woman.

Mirae Fiora

, they call her Mifi.

“Damn! I didn’t see that coming!” Jinx exclaimed, clearly impressed. Prince was too.

“Let’s join them,” Dos suddenly suggested. We all stared at him.

“What?”

“You’re engaged, man,” I reminded him.

“I know! Relax… Let’s just have some fun tonight.”

We exchanged glances before following him as he approached their group. I was planning to sit next to the owner, Mifi, but Dos beat me to it. The only seat left was beside Rein.

Habang nag-uusap kami ni Rein, pasimple akong napapalingon kina Dos at Mifi na halatang nagbubulungan at sobrang lapit sa isa’t isa. Hindi ko gusto ang ginagawa ni Dos. This is cheating. Tss.

Rein kept asking me questions, and I only responded with polite smiles. She was nice, so there was no reason to be rude. She looked genuinely surprised when she found out we were cousins.

Every minute, I kept checking on them. He was clearly taking advantage. Thank God a phone call interrupted them.

Halata sa mukha ni Dos ang kaba, tinatawagan na siya ng kanyang fiancée. Nagpaalam na lang kami at sabay-sabay na lumabas ng bar.

“Bro, stop flirting with Miss Mifi. You’re engaged, for fuck’s sake!” I snapped once we were back in Dos’s car.

“What’s the problem? I was just talking to her. Relax.”

I sighed. It was like he didn’t think what he was doing was a big deal.

“I thought you were serious about your fiancé?” Jinx asked.

“I am! What’s your problem? I was just talking to her, okay?” He started the engine.

“Hindi normal ’yon para sa lalaking may fiancé na, Dos. Hangga’t maaga pa, tigilan mo na ’yan. Nananahimik ’yong tao huwag mong guluhin kung hindi mo naman paninindigan. You might be enjoying yourself, but you could ruin two women’s lives. Think about that,” I said firmly.

“Yeah! I agree!” sabat ni Prince.

“Me too! Just stick with your girlfriend, bro. That’s way better,” dagdag ni Jinx.

Dos drove silently, but we could tell our words hit him.

We reminded him again and again, but he always did whatever he wanted. I’ve never liked cheating. I’m a one-woman man because I respect women. I never date for fun; I date for marriage. But after two heartbreaks, I stopped trying.

Hindi ko magawang sabihin sa girlfriend ni Dos ang ginagawa niya, hindi dahil kinakampihan ko siya, kundi dahil hindi ko naman siya close. And honestly, I didn’t want to meddle. We’re all adults. We know what’s right and wrong but some still choose to do wrong.

Nang minsan kaming magpunta sa isang bar sa Lipa, nakita ko siya ulit — si Mifi. Sinasayawan ng isang lalaking mukhang hindi naman niya kilala. Halatang lasing na siya. I was about to approach her when Dos beat me to it and punched the guy. I could only watch them.

We reminded him again. Dahil lasing si Mifi, balak siyang ihatid ni Dos. At alam kong may namamagitan na sa kanila. I felt sorry for Dos’s fiancé and for Mifi, who knew nothing. He was fooling two innocent women. Sinubukan naming pigilan si Dos, pero hindi siya nagpatinag.

“Wala na tayong magagawa kung bigla siyang mahuli sa kalokohan niya,” Jinx said, shaking his head.

“Akala ko talaga nabago na siya ng girlfriend niya, lalo na’t bigla siyang nag-propose. Tss. Magloloko pa rin pala,” ani Prince.

“Basta hindi tayo nagkulang sa paalala. Pero nakakaawa talaga ang mga taong pinakialaman niya. Yung isa nananahimik, guguluhin niya. Para saan? Para paasahin? Tss. It would’ve been fine if he were the only one getting hurt, that would be his karma. But the worst part is, he’s dragging others down with him,” I said as we sat on the hood of my car, watching Dos drive away.

Ako, kasama ng mga pinsan ko at mga parents namin ay umattend ng isang birthday party na ginanap sa isang sikat na hotel sa tagaytay. Nakita ko roon ang mga kaibigan ni Mifi, pero siya ay wala pa. Matapos namin makipag-usap sa ilang businessman ay naupo kami sa medyo madilim na parte ng hall kung saan wala masyadong tao.

“Damn! There are a lot of businessmen here. Their circle is really powerful,” Jinx said.

“Well, they’re known not just here but even in Paris,” Prince added.

“Where’s your girlfriend? I thought she was coming with you?” I asked Dos.

“She’s on her way with her parents.”

The conversation stopped when Mifi entered the hall, escorted by two of her friends. Almost everyone turned to look at her. The dress she was wearing perfectly showed off her figure.

She’s always stunning in my eyes. She really caught my attention.

“Woah! The bar owner is something else. Hot!” Jinx said. I noticed Dos shooting him a murderous glare.

Tss. Possessive.

Nang makita niya si Mifi, bigla siyang nawala sa pwesto.

“Tsk! Mukhang may hindi nakatiis. Good luck sa kanya kapag hinanap siya ng fiancé niya,” sabi ni Prince habang sabay-sabay kaming napailing.

“Oh, man! She’s here,” Jinx said. We looked toward the entrance, there she was, Dos’s fiancé, glancing around while on her phone.

“Tss.”

Napansin kong hindi na bumalik si Mifi kahit na nakita kong magkasama sina Dos at ang fiancé niya. Kaya napagpasyahan kong lumabas ng reception hall.

“Where are you going?” Jinx asked.

“Restroom,” I replied and left.

Halos nalibot ko na ang paligid pero hindi ko siya nakita. Hanggang sa mapadaan ako ulit sa isang area kung saan nandoon siya. Lumapit ako, habang tinatanggal ang suot kong coat. Paglapit ko, ipinatong ko agad ito sa balikat niya.

We started talking. I asked about them. And I felt a sting in my chest when I heard her say she loved my cousin and she was willing to do anything to be with him, even if it meant committing a sin. Because of that pain, I realized something… I liked her. I really did. But it was the wrong timing. So this time, I’d walk away.

I left after saying that. I didn’t plan to meddle, but I also couldn’t stay silent when I shouldn’t. As I walked out, I saw Rein standing nearby. Our eyes met briefly, and her expression was empty before she turned away.

What’s wrong with her?

I’ll try my best every day not to think of her. Because I know she’s happy with my cousin but in a wrong way.

Isang araw, may hindi inaasahang tao ang dumating sa opisina ko.

“Sir, may gusto pong kumausap sa inyo,” sabi ng secretary ko.

“Sino raw?”

“Finacè po ni Sir Dos.”

A wave of anxiety hit me. It was the first time she had ever come to see me.

“Let her in.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Bring us coffee.”

“Yes, sir.”

A few seconds later, she entered smiling as always. She was kind and cheerful, but we were never close because Dos didn’t want us to be.

“Hi!” She greeted me, a little shy.

“Hey. Have a seat,” I replied.

“Thanks.”

“So… what brings you here? Did Dos ask you to come?” I asked right away. She never came here unless she was with him.

“N-no… I just wanted to ask you something.”

Shit. Dos, this is exactly what I hate when people get dragged into your mess.

“Sure, what is it?” I asked, pretending to know nothing.

“Wala kasi si Delwyn sa office niya. Pinuntahan ko rin ang dalawa mong pinsan, pero wala rin dun at ang sabi nasa business trip. Kasama ba si Delwyn?” natigilan ako.

Prince and Jinx were on a business trip. But Dos? I had no idea.

“Wala ba sa resto niya?” tanong ko.

“Wala e,” sagot naman niya.

“Naitawag mo na ba sa ibang branch?”

“Oo, wala raw e. May business trip daw. Alam mo ba kung saan? Hindi niya kasi nabanggit na two days pala. Hindi rin niya sinasagot ang tawag ko.”

Ramdam ko ang pag-aalala niya. Pero bakit parang hindi siya naghihinala?

Mukhang magkasama na naman sila ni Mifi. Tss. Ang sarap talagang suntukin ng mokong na ’yon.

“Hindi ko alam e. Wait, tatawagan ko lang.”

“S-sige, salamat.”

Tinawagan ko si Dos pero hindi siya sumagot.

Fuck, Dos. You’re really a pain in the ass.

Tinawagan ko si Prince.

“Yes, bro?” he answered.

“Dos’s fiancé is here. She’s asking if you’re with him. Are you with that asshole?”

“What?! Shit! No, we’re not with him. What would he even be doing here? He has his own business. He’s not part of his parents’ company.”

Then it hit me.

“Fuck! Oh right, he’s a restaurant owner.” I scratched my head.

“I heard he was going to Tagaytay? I thought it was a trip with his fiancé.”

“Tss. She’s looking for him because he’s been gone for two days. Anyway, thanks. Bye.”

“All right, good luck!” he said. Good luck, my ass.

I took a deep breath and faced the woman again. She was looking at me, waiting for an answer.

“Hmm… Prince said ang alam daw niya ay may business trip sa Tagaytay. Pero hindi ako sure. Baka nag-e-explore ng mga sikat na resto para sa bagong menu,” palusot ko.

Tumayo siya at ngumiti.

“Sige, salamat. Pasensya na sa abala. Nag-alala lang talaga ako. I-surprise ko na lang siya roon, anniversary kasi namin today.”

“H-huh?” napakurap ako. Anniversary nila ngayon? Nakaramdam ako ng awa. Sa halip na siya ang kasama, ibang babae ang kasama ng fiancé niya. Tss. 

Sa aming magpipinsan, siya talaga ang sakit ng ulo.

“Una na ako, salamat ulit.”

“S-sige,” wala sa sarili kong sagot.

Hindi naman siguro niya pupuntahan… ’di ba?

Oh, damn you, Dos.

“Sir, kape niyo po,” sabi ni Ryza.

“Inumin mo parehas. Nakaalis na ang bisita,” sagot ko, sabay kuha ng susi ng sasakyan.

“Pasensya na po,” sabi niya.

I hurried out of the office to follow the woman. I didn’t even know who I was anxious for my cousin who was about to get karma, the woman he was with, or the woman who was on her way to him.

From my car parked a short distance away, I watched the three of them. I lowered my window slightly so I could hear the yelling.

And then I heard the words that shook me to my core.

They’re sisters.

Dos was really, truly fucked.

Special Chapter 02

After what happened, I always checked on her. Pero palagi kaming hindi nagtatagpo. Tuwing pupunta ako sa bar niya, nagkakataon namang nasa ibang branch siya. Ang palagi kong nakakausap ay ang tauhan niyang si Karlo.

“Araw-araw ba siyang umaalis?” tanong ko.

“Oo e. Araw-araw gusto niyang may ginagawa siya. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit bigla siyang naging hands-on sa mga branch niya nitong mga nakaraang araw.”

Maybe she was doing it on purpose, trying not to dwell on what happened. Maybe keeping herself busy was her way of burying the pain and anger inside.

“Ah… gano’n ba? Sige, balik na lang ako. Text mo ako kapag nandito siya, okay lang?” tanong ko.

“Hmmm… pinopormahan mo ba ang boss ko?”

“H-huh? H-hindi ah! Gusto ko lang siyang kumustahin. ‘Yun lang,” sagot ko.

“Ah… sige, text kita agad kapag nandito siya.”

Naglapag ako ng calling card sa bar counter at agad niya itong kinuha.

“Salamat. Mauna na ako.”

“Sige.”

It’s been two days. I’ve been waiting for his text and any update for two days. And the moment I got his message, I went straight to Mifi’s bar just to see her.

Mifi was sitting on a high stool by the bar counter, sipping her drink. She looked exhausted… and empty. And I was afraid she still wasn’t okay.

When I asked if she was fine, I already knew she’d say she was, even though she wasn’t. Mifi is the kind of woman who doesn’t want the people around her to worry.

Nang makita niya ang mga kaibigan niya, kita ko agad sa mga mata niya ang lungkot. Lalo na nang titigan siya ni Rein na parang hindi siya kilala. Alam kong may problema sila kaya hinayaan ko na lang silang magkausap.

“Nakausap mo?” tanong ni Karlo.

“Yeah. Pero saglit lang. Mukhang mas kailangan niyang makausap ang mga kaibigan niya.”

“Oo. Ngayon lang kasi ulit nagpakita ang mga ‘yon kay Ma’am. Siguro may tampuhan.”

“Paano mo nasabi?” tanong ko.

“Nakikita ko kasi sa mga story nila sa social media na madalas silang magkakasama — ‘yung tatlo. Pero si Ma’am Mifi, nagpapaka-busy lang sa trabaho. Madalas din niyang itanong sa akin kung dumadaan ba rito ang mga kaibigan niya, kung hinahanap siya. Siyempre, sabi ko hindi.” Mahabang kwento pa nito habang nagpupunas.

I glanced up at the VIP room where they were. My brows furrowed in confusion, they didn’t look happy to see each other at all. They were all standing, and it looked like they were crying.

“Mukhang nagkakalabasan na sila ng mga hinanakit sa isa’t isa,” sabi ni Karlo, habang nakatingala rin sa direksyon nila.

“Matagal na ba silang magkakaibigan?” tanong ko.

“Oo. Nakilala ko si Ma’am kasama lagi ‘yang tatlo. Sabi niya, sila ang pamilya niya. Ang mga kaibigan niya ang kasama niya sa lahat hanggang sa makamit nila ang mga pangarap nila, gaya ng pagkakaroon ng kanya-kanyang negosyo.”

Napatango-tango naman ako sa kaniyang naging sagot. Ilang saglit pa ay naagaw ni Mifi ang atensyon namin nang bigla itong dumaan sa tapat namin nang umiiyak.

“Mifi!” tawag ko pero hindi ako nito pinansin.

“Tsk! Tsk! Umiiyak na naman siya,” mahinang saad ni Karlo.

“Anong ibig mong sabihin?”

“Napapansin ko kasi nitong mga nakaraang araw na madalas namumugto ang mga mata niya. Pero palagi niyang sinasabi na okay lang siya at pagod lang.”

“Maiwan muna kita, puntahan ko lang ang mga kaibigan niya.”

“Sige.”

Nagmadali akong umakyat sa second floor kung saan naroon ang mga kaibigan niya. Padarag kong binuksan ang pinto at nadatnan ko silang nakaupo sa sofa, nakasubsob ang mga mukha sa kanilang mga palad, umiiyak.

“What happened? Bakit umiiyak si Mifi?” tanong ko agad.

“K-kayo ba?” tanong ni Rein, umiwas ng tingin.

“Rein…” sita naman ni Sab sa kaniya.

“H-ha? Hindi. Bakit?” sagot ko, halatang naguguluhan.

Rein sighed deeply, a curse slipping weakly from her lips.

“Is this because you overheard us talking that night?” I asked carefully. She didn’t answer. And then, like a piece of a puzzle clicking into place, I remembered what Mifi had told me about her.

“Look, Rein,” I began, my voice gentler now. “I know you like me. And I know you’re jealous. But please… don’t blame Mifi. She’s not the one at fault. I like her.”

Their eyes widened, lips parted in shock. My chest tightened, and I swallowed the lump in my throat, terrified of the silence that followed.

“I’ve liked her from the very beginning,” I confessed, my voice cracking just slightly. “But she liked my cousin… so I stepped back. I never did anything to make you think there was something between us, you know that. And she never did anything either. She never even knew how I felt.”

I paused, inhaling deeply before continuing.

“My point is… don’t hate her. Don’t point fingers at her. It’s not her fault that she’s the one I fell for and not you. I’m sorry. You’re beautiful, and you’re kind… but it’s her. It’s always been her.”

My voice softened, almost breaking.

“I never wanted to hurt anyone. And I hope… I truly hope you won’t add to the pain she’s already carrying. Because right now… you’re all she has left. You’re the only ones she can run to.”

That was the last night I ever saw her. She stopped showing up at her bar after that. Only Karlo and the rest of her staff were left to manage everything. Thankfully, they stayed loyal.

We hadn’t heard anything from her since. Even her friends couldn’t reach her.

“Have you contacted her?” I asked her friends. We were now standing in front of her condo building.

“No,” Aicka answered worriedly. “It’s been more than a week since we last heard from her. We’re really starting to worry. Even her family doesn’t know where she is.”

“Tss. Wala naman tayong aasahan sa pamilya niya! Alam niyo naman ‘yon,” singhal ni Rein, at ramdam sa boses niya ang galit.

Matapos ang gabing iyon na nag-usap kami, ayos na ulit kami. Humingi ng tawad si Rein sa naging asal niya, at tinanggap niya na si Mifi talaga ang gusto ko, hindi siya.

Gulat kaming lahat nang bigla na lamang dumating ang pamilya ni Mifi, bakas sa mga mukha ang labis na pag-aalala. Napatingin ako sa mga kaibigan ni Mifi nang marinig ko ang pag-ismid nila. Lahat sila ay biglang nanahimik, at tila nawala ang emosyon sa kanilang mga mukha habang nakatingin sa pamilya niya.

“Baka puwedeng pakiusapan ang may-ari ng condo para mabuksan ang unit ni Mifi. Baka nasa loob lang siya,” naiiyak na pakiusap ng kanyang mommy.

Walang imik na tinalikuran sila ng tatlo at dumiretso kami sa loob.

When we finally managed to open Mifi’s unit, a chaotic sight greeted us… the living room was a mess, empty bottles scattered across the floor.

“Mifi! Are you there?” Rein shouted, pounding on the bedroom door.

“Mifi!” the other two yelled as well.

“Shhh…” Rein hushed us and pressed her ear against the door. “Shit! Nasa loob siya. May naririnig akong kaluskos,” natataranta niyang sabi.

She tried to force the door open, but it wouldn’t budge. I had no choice but to break it down.

And there she was… the strong woman I once knew, the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, had completely fallen into darkness. She was crying alone, clutching a pair of blood-stained scissors. Her body trembled in fear, and strange pills were scattered all over her bed. At that moment, it felt like a thousand knives had stabbed me in the chest.

“M-Mifi…” her friends cried out as they rushed toward her. But before they could reach her, she suddenly collapsed.

“Shit!” I cursed, running toward her. “We need to take her to the hospital! Now!” I shouted.

“M-mifi…” patuloy na iyak ng mga kaibigan niya habang binubuhat namin siya palabas. Wala akong sinayang na oras at agad naming dinala si Mifi sa hospital. And there, we learned the painful truth: Mifi was suffering from depression.

I can’t believe that a strong woman like her ended up in this state because of the people around her. I hate myself for doing nothing and for just standing by even when I knew she’d get hurt by my cousin sooner or later.

Every day, I pray to God for her healing. Lalo na ngayon na may buhay siyang dinadala. She was asleep for so long in the hospital because of the medicines she took. But thank God, He didn’t let her baby go. Maybe God knew that the child growing inside her would become her strength — her lifelong companion in this fight.

Because of the anger, the frustration I felt over what happened to Mifi, I had no one to lash out on but my cousin. I beat him up and he didn’t fight back, neither did the rest of my cousins. They all knew how much I loved Mifi. But what shocked us all was what Dos said after we found out that Mifi was pregnant.

“I want to be a father to our child. Mili doesn’t want to take me back anymore, so I’ll just focus on building my family—”

“Gago ka pala, e!” I punched him again, my rage uncontrollable. “Can you at least think for once?! Let her love herself first! Let her heal on her own — just her and her child! Yes, you’re one of the reasons she’s broken, but people like you will NEVER be enough to fix her again! Do you understand?! No, you don’t! So stay away from her! Give her heart and mind the peace they deserve. Have some damn mercy!” I shouted furiously.

That was our first and last confrontation. When Rein assured me that Mifi was slowly getting better, I decided to distance myself, not because I had to, but because I hoped it would help me forget my feelings for her. But even with distance, I couldn’t stop myself from asking her friends about her, especially as her belly grew bigger. They told me that sometimes, she still suffers from anxiety. I know what she’s going through isn’t easy. But I also know she’s fighting… for her child. And I salute her for that. She’s truly brave.

For two long years away from her, I thought I could handle it. I thought I could finally forget that I loved her. But I was wrong. Because when I returned to the Philippines from Canada after two years, Rein and her two other friends asked to meet with me. I didn’t think much of it at first. I thought they just wanted to catch up and talk.

“Anong meron?” tanong ko sa kanila nang may halong pagtataka.

“Pupunta tayo sa birthday party. It’s a surprise party,” sagot ni Aicka.

“Surprise party?” nagtataka kong tanong.

“Yeah…” sagot naman ni Rein, sabay tinginan nilang tatlo na may mga ngiting parang may tinatago.

“W-what’s going on?” kinakabahan kong tanong sa kanila. Sakay kami ngayon ng kotse nila papunta kung saan man nila ako dadalhin matapos akong sunduin sa isang coffee shop.

“Basta! Masaya ang pupuntahan natin kasi surprise party ’yon!” masiglang wika ni Sab na katabi ko sa backseat.

I could only let out a sigh and decided not to say anything more. Their knowing smiles and sideways glances were making me feel uneasy.

Why did I even agree to go with these girls? And why am I the only guy here? Where are my cousins, anyway?

“We’re here!”

Napatingin ako sa labas ng bintana. The sky was painted in shades of orange, the sun slowly sinking into the horizon beyond the vast ocean. The waves gently kissed the shore.

“Labas na riyan, oy!” halos mapatalon ako nang kumatok si Sab sa bintana.

“O-oo…” sagot ko, sabay labas ng sasakyan. Doon ko lang napansin ang napakagandang ayos malapit sa dagat. May backdrop na may mga Christmas lights at kaunting bulaklak, may isang upuan sa gitna. In front of it were tables and chairs neatly arranged, the entire setup giving off an aesthetic vibe with its nude and brown color motif.

There was also a small bar counter on the side, a few nipa huts decorated with fairy lights, and mats laid out on the sand with candle lights and throw pillows. I walked slowly, mesmerized by the view.

“Sigurado ba kayong birthday party ang pupuntahan natin at hindi wedding reception?” tanong ko.

“Puwede namang both,” inosenteng sagot ni Sab.

“Huh?”

“Bro!” sigaw ng kung sino. Napalingon ako sa isa sa mga kubo kung saan nanggaling ang boses. There, I saw my cousins lounging comfortably together with Mifi’s family. I looked at the girls beside me, but they only shrugged.

“A-anong meron? At saka…” napatingin ako sa kanilang lahat. Mukhang okay na sina Mili at ang pamilya nito kay Dos. “Kayo ulit?” tanong ko, dahil magkatabi sila.

“Ha? Hindi ah! We’re best friends. In fact, I’m engaged!” sagot ni Mili. Tumango naman si Dos habang nakangiti.

Pwede palang maging mag bestfriend ang mag-ex fiancé? Weird…

“Maupo ka. May itatanong kami bago simulan ang party,” utos ni Jinx.

Without thinking, I followed his instructions and sat down. Even Mili’s parents were smiling warmly now.

“A-ano ’yon?” tanong ko habang pasimple kong inililibot ang paningin sa paligid, umaasang kahit sulyap man lang ay makita ko siya… pero wala. Wala pa rin.

“Mahal mo pa ba ang kapatid ko?” tanong bigla ni Mili.

“H-huh?” I froze at her question, as if the whole world stopped spinning for a second.

“Sagot agad, bro! Sayang ang oras!” sabat ni Prince, nakangisi pero may halong panunukso.

“T-teka! Para saan ba ’to? Why are you suddenly asking me that?” I stammered, my chest tightening with every beat of my heart.

“Oo o hindi lang naman. Hindi mo masagot? If you don’t want to, fine. I’ll just try to win her back. Maybe you don’t love her anymore—”

“Mahal ko! S-siyempre mahal ko pa rin!” I blurted out when Dos said it, my voice louder than I intended. The words came straight from my chest  from the deepest part of me.

“Yown!!!” sabay-sabay nilang sigaw, puno ng tuwa at kilig.

“Would you accept our daughter even if she already has a child, even if that child is with your cousin?” her mother asked, her tone serious and direct.

“Opo naman,” I answered immediately, emotion lacing my voice. “Her past doesn’t make me love your daughter any less. I’ve tried for two years, I really did. But it’s still her. It’s always been her.”

They all fell silent, their eyes fixed on me, as if weighing every word I said.

“B-bakit?” tanong ko, medyo kinakabahan.

“Paano kung hindi ka mahal?” bulalas ni Rein. At doon, parang may matalim na kutsilyong tumusok sa dibdib ko. Masakit. Sobrang sakit.

“Iyon lang!” singit ni Jinx, nakangisi pa rin.

“There’s nothing I can do about that,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady even though my heart was trembling. “I can’t force her to love me back. Ang mahalaga, mahal ko siya. Tanggapin man niya ’yon o hindi… irerespeto ko pa rin ang magiging desisyon niya.” I smiled at them, even though deep down, I wanted to cry.

“E kung bibigyan ka ng chance na patunayan ang nararamdaman mo sa kaniya?” tanong ni Mili, nakatingin nang diretso sa mga mata ko.

“Siyempre… araw-araw kong ipararamdam ’yon sa kaniya,” sagot ko nang walang pag-aalinlangan. “Araw-araw ko silang liligawan mag-ina. Hindi puwedeng siya lang, kasi may anak siya, at tanggap ko ’yon. Gusto ko ring mahalin ako ng anak niya, gaya ng pagmamahal ko sa kanilang dalawa. I will do anything… anything to make their lives complete and happy for the rest of my life… with my arms.”

“Talaga?”

I froze. That voice… the one I had longed to hear. And now, here it was… coming from behind me. For a moment, time stopped. Every sound around me disappeared.

Everyone in front of me was trying to suppress their smiles while I stood there, sweating cold.

“Matagal na pala… bakit ngayon ko lang nalaman?” tanong niya muli. Ang boses niyang malambing, pero may halong lungkot.

“Weak ’yan e! Mahinang nilalang!” natatawang banat ni Jinx, dahilan para batukan siya ni Dos.

“Gago!” reklamo nito.

Dahan-dahan akong bumaling, halos hindi makagalaw, para tuluyang makita siya.

I haven’t seen her for two years. And now that we’re standing face to face again, I can say she’s doing well… better than ever, actually. She’s become even more beautiful. Her hair is shorter now, her skin fairer, and there’s this glow about her… the kind that comes from learning to love yourself again.

In her arms was a beautiful little girl, whose warm brown eyes stared at me with innocent curiosity.

“Baby… come here,” Dos called softly. The little girl immediately ran into her embrace.

“Totoo ba lahat ng narinig ko?” tanong niya sa ’kin, boses niyang kalmado pero halatang kabado rin.

“H-huh?” medyo natigilan ako.

“T-totoo ba?” ulit niya.

“O-oo…” sagot ko habang kinakabahan.

“Kailan pa?”

“Since that day… noong ipinakilala mo ang sarili mo sa amin — doon sa bar mo.”

Napakurap siya, halatang pilit inaalala kung anong araw ang tinutukoy ko.

“Ang tagal na no’n, ah?” tanong niya, medyo natatawa.

“Yeah…” I nodded. “And if you’re wondering why I never confessed… It’s because you liked my cousin back then. And you only wanted me as a friend. I wanted to give up on you, I really did… but my heart wouldn’t let me. My heart… still wants you.”

Rinig ko ang mahihinang tikhim at impit na tili mula sa likod ko, mga kaibigan niyang halatang kinikilig.

“Are you willing to wait,” tanong niya, “until my heart is ready to take any risk?” I blinked several times and swallowed hard. I repeated her question over and over again in my head, making sure I had heard her right.

“You don’t want to?” she asked again, a hint of worry in her voice.

“W-what? Of course not!” I replied quickly. “Of course, I want to. I’m willing… no matter how long it takes.”

“Then you must wait,” she whispered, almost like a plea. “Please… bear with me while I’m still learning to heal. Just… don’t leave me again.”

At doon ako nabingi, hindi dahil sa malalakas na sigawan at palakpakan sa likod ko, kundi dahil sa bawat salitang binitawan niya. Para akong lumulutang. Para akong hinihila pataas ng emosyon.

Waiting for her… is worth every second. Every tear. Every heartbeat.

It feels like butterflies are dancing inside my stomach. Is this what they mean when they say “butterflies in your stomach”? Because if it is, I’ve never felt it this strongly before.

Now, I finally understand what it means when they say there’s always a rainbow after the rain. Because after all the storms we’ve weathered, the heartbreak, the silence, the years apart… here we are, standing before each other once more. Different people now, scarred but stronger, broken yet still capable of love. And maybe… that’s exactly how God planned it. He didn’t give us what we wanted when we wanted it, because He was busy shaping us into the people we were meant to be for each other.

This is our second chance, not to rewrite the past, but to build a future that learns from it.

Let our wounds remind us how deeply we can feel. Let our mistakes teach us how fiercely we can fight. And when the world tries to break us again, I’ll hold on to this truth: that love isn’t about how many times we fall apart, but how many times we choose to come back stronger.

Because in the end, every heartbreak carries a lesson, every goodbye leads us somewhere new, and every storm… is just God’s way of preparing us for a love that’s finally worth the wait.

◦•●◉✿ 𝑇ℎ𝑒

𝐸𝑛𝑑 ✿◉●•◦

𝑇ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑘 𝑦𝑜𝑢! 𝐹𝑜𝑙𝑙𝑜𝑤 𝑚𝑒 𝑜𝑛 𝑚𝑦 𝑠𝑜𝑐𝑖𝑎𝑙𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑦 𝑢𝑝𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑! 𝐺𝑜𝑑 𝑏𝑙𝑒𝑠𝑠, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑦 𝑠𝑎𝑓𝑒, 𝑀ℎ𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑐𝑧 ᥫ᭡

• 𝑀ℎ𝑎𝑑𝑧 ☘︎ • ∘˙˚