Simula

“Ladies and gentlemen, let’s give a warm welcome to our debutant as she will be accompanied by eighteen remarkable men for her 18 roses!” I heard the master of the ceremony introduced me as I stood behind closed doors.

I held onto my late mother’s necklace tightly due to nervousness and unknown feeling. The double doors opened and it showed me to the huge crowd invited on my eighteenth birthday.

I started transitioning two years ago. My dad has always been cautious with my well-being and is scared that the medications may cause complications to my health, that’s why he had me checked with an endocrinologist who is a big help in guiding me on what to do and what to take for me to start this journey of becoming what I really am. What I know my heart really wants. To be a transgender woman. Just like my mom.

My dad is very supportive of my journey of turning into a transwoman I so wanted to be. When I first came out, he hugged me and he said he didn’t love me less because of what I am. That I am his most valuable treasure. Ganun din ang mga tito at tita ko, ng pinili kong maging transwoman sa murang edad.

I know that my dad needs an heir, and was often pressured by his peers due to business demands, a son who would eventually inherit and continue our businesses. But my heart wants something else, I want to pursue modeling. My dad knew that I never liked engineering, so he never pressured me and rather supported me to pursue my dreams and the course that I wanted to take in college. He said he still love me all the same despite all of that. Balak kong maging modelo, pero kahit na ganoon, ay sinabi ko sakanyang pipilin ko padin ang kursong business sa college, upang makatulong ako sakanya kalaunan sa ibang paraan.

“Let’s give a round of applause for Ms. Reina Ariane Montecarlo!”

I am wearing a red scarlet neck sleeveless ball gown made by Michael Cinco. It was covered with swarovzki crystals that shines and made me stand out as all the lights in the room were automatically directed to me when I entered the banquet hall. My hair is tied up in a messy bun and the loose strands of my hair are neatly flowing on my face.

I saw aunt Elisse standing elegantly and not too far from the master of the ceremony. She greeted me with an open arms. I walked towards her and held both of her hands. Her eyes went down to my right forearm where I am wearing my mom’s love bangle. It was a gift from my dad back when she was in college.

Nakita kong nagusot ang mukha niya sa nagbabadyang luha at malungkot na ngumiti.

“Oh Ria…” she pulled me for a tight embrace. I saw tito Amer around the corner who is staring at us. He is smiling but there’s also sadness in his eyes.

“Your mother must be so proud, hija.” She let go of me and cupped my face with her hands “I can see her. I see her in you..” her voice broke. “You are starting to look exactly like her as each day pass…” her eyes, full of emotions as she is holding back her tears behind a smile.

Napangiti ako ng pagak para pigilan din ang sariling mga luha sa pagpatak. If only mom was here, will she.. allow me to transition? Will she support me.. or will I break her heart because of disappointment? That her only son, happened to grew up being gay.

The MC brought us back to reality when he cue the 18 dances. Giniya ako ni tita Elisse sa gitnang parte ng bulwagan kung saan sakin padin nakatutok ang mga ilaw.

“Without further ado, let’s begin the ceremony with no other than the debutant’s father himself, Engineer Enrico Adrian Montecarlo of Montecarlo Engineering and Construction Services, as her first dance!”

In the middle of the applauding crowd I saw my dad standing in front of me, holding a bouquet of red roses. Even on his fiftees, he still is fit and muscular. Dad stood six feet and three inches, sporting a clean-cut hair that is now brushed upwards. He even shaved his beard that he groomed through the years matching his thick eyebrows that helped scream his domineering aura. Gwapo ang daddy, kung kayat kahit may edad na ay madami pa ding mga middle-aged woman in our family circle na nahuhumaling. The daughters of the rich families, who were rumored to have fascination with my father when he was younger, the Montecarlo scion, who was often introduced and linked to the young elite women of their circle that my grandma was so eager to set him up with on a lot of dates back in the day.

Dad, on the other hand, only had his eyes for mom. All those women from well-known wealthy families didn’t stand a chance against my mother, who then was nine years younger than him, who he watched growing up in the orphanage that our family has been supporting for generations.

He never dated nor had a relationship with any woman after mom. He remained faithful. He even had mommy’s initials tattooed on his left chest, and their wedding day on his right forearm, as symbols of his everlasting love. Suot din nitong kwintas ang engagement at wedding ring ng mommy, habang ang sariling wedding band naman niya ay hindi kailanman nahubad sa kanyang kaliwang palasinsingan. Something that might shooed these women away. Na kahit ang magpakita ng motibo sa kahit anong family gathering ay hindi magawa, dahil nakamarka ang mommy sa buong pagkatao ng daddy.

“Happy birthday, my princess.” bati ni daddy sa baritonong boses habang inaabot sakin ang kumpol ng bulaklak.

Nakangiti man ay hindi ko kailanman nakitang umabot ito sa mga mata niya. I grew up observing how sad and sorrowful his eyes are. Na kailanman ay hindi ko nakitang naalis.

“T-thank you, dad.” he hugged me tight, and kissed my forehead.

“If only your mom could see you, I know she would be so proud of you.” pain didn’t escape his husky voice.

Nangilid ang luha ko sa lungkot at tampo. Na kung paanong pinagkait sa akin ang pagkakataong lumaki na may kasamang mommy. Fortunately enough our family is well-known throughout the country, kung kayat lumaki akong halos sambahin ng kaklase para lang paluguran ko. Halos lahat ay gustong maging malapit sa akin at maging kaibigan ko. Bagay na siguro nakatulong para madivert ang atensyon ko sa ibang bagay.

Growing up I never did experience bullying because I don’t have a mother-figure, and I know dad has been doing his best to ensure he will fill those blank spaces in our hearts just for me not to miss mom so much, but I don’t think a single day had passed without me trying to remember what she look like in person, or what will she think of me, or what will she say, what life advices would she give me and what’s her opinion about my future romantic relationships.

Mommy was very kind when she was still alive, na kahit walang kinalakihang pamilya ay walang kagalit galit ang puso base sa kwento ni tita Elisse. Makes me want to think that it’s okay for her, for me to follow her footsteps, and her preference in life.

“D-do you think… she’s happy? Will she be okay that I chose to be.. like-”

“Of course, princess. Your mother, of all people will be the first to support your decisions, and protect you from the evil judgement of the society. So yes, you must stop thinking that pursuing what your heart really wants, will break hers.” Sabi nito at hinele ako sa marahan na sayaw.

Nakahilig ang ulo ko sa kanang balikat ng daddy. I know I have been a spoiled brat, mataray at maldita. Malayong malayo sa mommy. But I know he still loves me. And will support me with every decision I make in life.

“My baby girl, so are growing up so fast. And I hate that you are slowly drifting away from me.. to live your life the way you see fit.” malungkot na sabi nito at hinigpitan ang yakap sakin habang sumasayaw.

Hindi ko na napigilan ang mga luha ko. He is my only family. May mga tito at tita nga ako at mga pinsan, may iilang mga kaibigan din, ngunit pareho naming hindi maitatanggi na lumaki akong malungkot… dahil hindi nabuo ang pamilya na pinangarap sana ng daddy.

Ilang minuto pa ang tinagal ng sayaw namin dahil tila ayaw akong pakawalan ng daddy. Lately, he has been drowning himself to work kaya madalang na kaming magkita sa bahay. At madalas ay tulog na ako kapag nakakauwi siya from the cemetery. He never missed a day without visiting mommy’s grave. Kahit alas diyes na matapos ang meeting niya, ay babyahe padin sila ng butler niya para puntahan ang puntod ni mommy at siguraduhing maayos pa ang estado ng puntod niya at na laging fresh ang mga bulaklak. Araw-araw, gabi-gabi ay ganun na ang naging routine ng daddy. Hindi siya kailanman napagod at sinabi niya noong parte na ito ng responsibilidad niya.

If he will be out of town or if he has projects overseas, hindi maaaring hindi muna sya magpapaalam sa mommy bago tumulak.

“I love you, dad.” I poured my heart out to my still grieving yet loving father.

“I love you more, my princess. I only wish for your happiness. Please know that.”

His eyes were bloodshot when he finally let go of me, he cupped my face and wiped the traces of tears on my cheeks, he then grab both of my hands and caress the diamonds on my mother’s love bangle, then planted a long kiss on my forehead. Pagkatapos ay dahan dahan siyang umatras at muling ngumiti sa akin.

Pinakilala ng MC ang sunod na makakasayaw ko kaya sunod na pumunta sa harap ko si tito Raymond, who is a breath of fresh air for both daddy and I, magkaibang magkaiba sila ng personality dahil likas na masiyahin si tito at palangiti. Binati niya ako at inabutan ng isang tangkay ng pulang rosas.

“Pinakilala mo na ba ang boyfriend mo sa daddy mo?” Tukso niya sa akin habang isinasayaw ako.

Napailing ako habang nakahawak ang isang kamay sa balikat niya “Wala akong boyfriend tito. You should stop hallucinating with my boys. You are giving dad so many ideas.” pairap na sabi ko. Pinapraning ng tito ang daddy na may boyfriend na ako kung kaya minsan ay naghihigpit ito na payagan akong lumabas kasama ang mga kaklase.

He bursted out of laughter. “Please bear with your father hija, you know he is just protective of you.” mataman niya akong tinignan. Napangiti ako.

“Yes. I know.”

Sunod na lumapit si tito Amer pagkatapos itong ipakilala para batiin ako. May hawak din siyang rose na inabot sakin bago ako inayang sumayaw.

“Happy birthday, hija.” Ngumiti ito ng matamis sakin at agad akong nagpasalamat.

Sunod sunod ang hiyawan at palakpakan ng mga bisita sa bawat ipinapakilalang makakasayaw ko. Sumunod kay tito Amer si tito Ivan, ang matalik na kaibigan ng daddy, pagkatapos ay ang mga pinsan at kaklase ko namang lalaki.

“And we are now down to the last two dances to complete the eighteen roses! For that we have the Rodriguez brothers, to accompany our debutant. To offer his rose, the second to the last dance for tonight, let me call on Engineer Anthony Louis Rodriguez!” ani ng MC.

Muli kong narinig ang palakpakan at marahang ngumiti ng lumakad sa harap ko si kuya Anton, na tipid ding ngumiti sa akin.

Binigay niya sakin ang hawak na rose matapos humawak sa kaliwang kamay ko at alalayan ang bewang ko para magsimula sa pagsayaw.

“Happy birthday, Reina.” He greeted.

I smiled genuinely. “Thank you, kuya.” I saw how he pursed his lips because of what I said.

“I.. I have a gift for you. I hope you’ll like it.” Nakatungo siyang sinalubong ang mga tingin ko. Matangkad si kuya Anton dahil six feet ang taas niya and he is years older than me, his hair is a bit longer, but it’s neat and it suits him. He’s also a bit bulky. He is indeed handsome.

“Thank you po. Titignan ko paguwi.” Matamis akong ngumiti.

I felt something in my stomach when he closed our distance. We are slowly dancing and his gaze never left mine, I can also feel his heavy breathing. Is he tensed? I silently chuckled. Hindi siya sanay sa ganito.

Tumagal ng ilang minuto ang sayaw at kung hindi kami ininterrupt ng MC ay mukhang hindi niya ako pakakawalan. He seemed nervous and almost as if he came back to his senses ng marinig ang MC.

“Alright, thank you so much engineer. Guys! Are you ready? Are you ready to witness our debutant’s last dance?” The MC triggered the crowd to go wild as kuya Anton slowly stepped backwards.

Biglang naghuramentado ang puso ko. I felt the butterflies in my stomach to be aggressive. Hindi na ako mapakali at pagpapawisan pa ata ako. Shuta! Ayoko mahulas!

The MC called on my last dance partner tonight and my heart almost skipped a beat.

“Last but not the least, let us all welcome, Mr. Amiel Kennedy Rodriguez!” The crowd screamed as loud as they can. Ang nakakabinging sigawan at palakpakan ay walang wala sa matinding pagtibok ng puso ko.

I suddenly felt like we are in our own world, I can feel the silence and his footsteps are the only background noise. A handsome man with a clean-cut hair showed up.

He is the same age as me. Amiel is a bit lean compared to his older brother but his muscles are in the right places as he often goes go the gym.

I have a crush on him since I am still a child, my aunt Elisse, is also very supportive. She said that we should get to know each other and eventually get married. She said it’s the promise she made with mom, that she will wed her son to mom’s, when the time comes.

Amiel though, is homophobic. Even when I started transitioning, ay mailap pa din siya sa akin. Kaibahan noong mga bata pa kami na madalas kaming sinasamahan ni kuya Anton na maglaro.

Nagsimulang lumayo ang loob niya sakin ng tumuntong kami ng high school, kung saan may iba na siyang barkadang sinasamahan.

He looked impatient and stared at me ruthlessly ng makadating siya sa harapan ko. I suddenly felt my knees weaken, para akong jelly na unti unti lumulusaw sa sahig.

“Let’s get this over with.” He scoffed and abruptly gave me his rose. The crowd seemed oblivious of what happened.

Even so, I still like him. I grew up so fond of him. He is my dream guy. My prince charming.

Marahas siyang bumuntong hininga ng hinawakan ang isang kamay ko at ang isang kamay niya naman ay lumipad sa maliit na bewang ko. Nagsimula kaming magsayaw at halos ni hindi niya ako matignan. His eyes are directed somewhere else as if he is disgusted. I pitied myself. I looked at auntie Elisse who is smiling at me and encouraged me to dance more to her youngest son. She seems to enjoy watching us this close while her son wanted to leave the party immediately.

Natapos ang sayaw at mabilis siyang bumalik sa lamesa niya. Pinilit kong ngumiti ng magpasalamat ang MC at inaya ang mga bisita na muling kumain.

Exhausted from the dance, I went back to the nearest room behind the double doors I entered earlier to change for a cocktail dress. Ito na ang dressing room ko at dito ako minake-upan.

Napatitig ako sa salamin ng matapos kong suotin ang red tube dress na hapit na hapit sa kurba ng katawan ko. The hairdresser loosen up my bun and changed it to a low ponytail.

Ang 18 roses na ang last na program ngayong gabi at pagkatapos ng kainan ay after party na. Ayaw pa pumayag ng daddy na magbar ako kasama ang mga kaklaseng bisita ngunit pumayag din siya kalaunan ng mapilit ni tito Raymond.

“Pagbigyan mo na kuya, she’s of age anyway. She should enjoy her debut.” He said the night before, when we had our family dinner at Casa Montecarlo. My grandparents’ mansion.

May maliit na bar sa hotel nina tita Elisse kaya doon ko nalang din piniling magafter party. Ayaw din ng dad na lumayo kami kaya mas okay na iyon.

Nagumpisa ng magsiuwian ang ibang matatandang guests habang ang iba ay nagtungo na sa mga hotel room na nirentahan nila ngayong gabi.

Bago pa mahila ng mga kaklase ay nilapitan ko na ang mesa nina dad kasama ang mga directors ng MECS. The waiters are serving them whiskey.

Agad kong nakuha ang atensyon niya at matikas siyang tumayo sa kinauupuan.

“Dad. Una na kami. Punta na kami sa bar.” Paalam ko.

He sighed before nodding. “Matthew will be with you. Take care and enjoy the night of your birthday. Don’t drink too much please.” Mahabang litanya niya bago ako hilain sa mahigpit na yakap. Muntik nang umikot ang mata ko ng mapangiti.

“Yes dad. Can I go now?” Bored kong tanong. My friends are calling me.

“Hmm. Excited? Baka naman kung saan kapa pumunta Ria? Wag kang sasama sa boyf-”

I saw my dad’s death stare to tito Raymond. If he continue to push his buttons, sana masuntok siya. Deserve!

“Shut up tito. Don’t listen to him dad. Sina Penelope at Pierce ang kasama ko. Pati mga babaeng kaklase.” I called dad’s attention dahil halos manggigil na ito sa kapatid.

He sighed again. Wag mo sabihing di mo ako papayagan? You promised!

“Alright. Take care princess. Don’t stay up late. Matthew’s watching you. Remember that.” Mariing titig nito sakin. Napabuntong hininga ako at tumango na ng matapos na. Saglit lang naman kami. I’ll go up to my suite after midnight. Iyon ang kundisyon niya.

Tito Matias retired years ago pero minsan padin siyang bumibisita sa mansyon pag kinukumusta ng daddy. Ang anak niyang si Matthew ay samin na din piniling magtrabaho. Siya na ang kinuha ni dad na maging bodyguard ko.

Tila asong bumuntot si Matt ng madali akong sumunod sa mga kaibigan ko.

“Let’s go! I’m so excited! Magwawalwal tayo tonight at magboboys hunting!” Malanding sabi ng baklang si Pierce.

“Kung hindi ka natatakot sa daddy niya bakla, eh go! Chill lang tayo Ria. You should experience drinking. First time ko din to.” Sabi ng pinsan niyang si Penelope na inangkla pa ang braso sa akin.

Malisyosang tumawa si Pierce ng makalabas kami ng banquet hall. “Ay hindi be! Pag mature na ako, pwede na akong stepmom nitong si Ria. Gosh!” Sabi niya na halos magpadiri samin ni Penelope. Halos ipagtulakan na siya ng pinsang babae dahil sa sinambit.

“Bakla! Tantanan mo ang pagnanasa sa daddy ko! Tara na nga!” Sita ko dito at natatawa naman itong sumunod.

Sinalubong kami ng wild sensual RNB music at party lights. Bayad ang drinks namin at ang mga kaklase ganun din sa ibang batang bisita na nagkalat sa ibat ibang bahagi ng bar.

Naghiyawan ang mga kaklase ko ng makita kami. May giniyang malaking lamesa sa amin at agad akong pinaupo. Agad akong sinuotan ni Kathleen ng furry headband na may letters na “debutant”

Hindi agad ako nakaiwas at napashot agad ng tequila. Halos masuka ako sa sama ng lasa. Ang init nito sa lalamunan. Dinilaan ko na ang asin sa likod ng kamay ko ay kumagat pa ako sa sliced lemon. Tanginang alak ang tapang. Deserve!

Matapos ang ilang shots ay hinila ako ni Pierce sa dance floor. Doon ay malandi siyang nagtwerk sa harapan ko. Dahil narin siguro sa alak ay hindi ko na makontrol ang sarili at sumayaw na din habang natatawa.

“Ria happy birthday. Shot ka naman!” Abot ng cocktail sakin ng lalaking kaklase. Agad ko itong tinungga at halos mahilo ako.

“Grabe. Ang playboy talaga ng prince charming mo. Look! Anlandi!” Naiiritang sabi ni Pierce at tinuro si Amiel sa may malapit sa bar. Kalahikan niya ang girlfriend niyang si Clarisse.

Napangiti ako ng pagak at umiling. That’s fine. Papalit palit siya ng babae and because of his reputation, madami siyang pinapaiyak na babae matapos ikama at iwan nalang kinabukasan.

Martir oo. Pero wala akong pakialam. Aunt Elisse wanted me for her son. Pagkagraduate, ay magpapakasal na kami. Sakin padin siya babagsak. Ako padin ang magwawagi. Mga chaka kayo! Deserve!

Napaling ang tingin ko sa mismong bar at doon ay nakita ko si kuya Anton na may hawak na whiskey habang may kausap na tila kakilala. Ang buong atensyon niya ay nakatuon sa akin.

Sinundo kami ni Penelope at inayang umikot dahil may mga kaklase ako sa ibang table pa. Pagkadating sa kabilang table ay panibagong shot nanaman. Bilib na ako sa sarili ko. Ang perfect ko magdrink tonight. Lasing nako pero more shot.

Matthew kept his distance but I can always see him everywhere I go. Madalas din siyang humahawak sa earpiece at sumisigaw na dahil sa lakas ng music. Deserve? Yes na yes for you!

Isang oras na ang nagdaan at ng maramdaman ko ang pagikot ng tiyan ko ay nagpaalam akong magcr muna.

“Kakatapos ko lang eh. Kaya mo na ba?” Sabi ni Penelope na nakihilig na sa couch. Ang baklang si Pierce ayun umawra sa guest na affam. Walanghiyang iyon! Iniwan kami dahil inaya daw siya magsayaw.

I saw Matthew almost move to follow me but he was stunned. As if someone ordered him to stay still. I don’t mind. Hilong hilo na ako at para pa akong masusuka. I guess I’m done for tonight.

Pumasok ako sa walang taong comfort room at agad na yumuko sa sink para sumuka. Shit! Hindi ko na kaya to. Am I gonna die because of alcohol poisoning? Lagot ako kay dad!

I felt a hard and calloused hand stroke my back as I keep on throwing up. Intestine ko na ata ang sinusuka ko dito shutangina!

“Tsk. That’s enough drinking. You should go back to your suite.” I heard a familiar man growl.

Ng makuntento ay inopen ko ang faucet and I gargled some tap water. Kadiri ang sumuka. Hindi nakakababae.

The man behind me handed me his handkerchief. Hindi na ako nagpabebe pa at agad na kinuha iyon para magpunas ng bibig. I inhaled a familiar scent from the white handkerchief. Ang bango!

Pikit ang isang mata ko at nilingon ang lalaki. To my surprise, it’s kuya Anton!

“Kuya! Thank you. I’m sorry. I’m a mess.” Naiiyak na sabi ko.

He sighed and guided me to go out of the men’s comfort room. Bakla ka! Panlalaki pala to! Kala ko ba tranene kana?

Ramdam ko ang inis niya ng mag ese ang paa ko sa kakalakad. I thought we are going back inside. But when we started walking near the elevator, I panicked.

“Kuya my friends! I need to go back! We are still drinking-”

“Fuck that. You are going back to your suite, Reina. You’re drunk. You are done for tonight.” He roared as we entered the elevator.

“But.. but-” muli kong naramdaman ang hilo at halos isandal ko na ang buo kong bigat sakanya. Nakalapat ang pisngi ko sa matigas niyang dibdib. I noticed that he removed his coat and he folded the sleeves of his white dress shirt.

“Which floor to your suite?” He demanded.

“Hmmm.” Makakatulog ako sa bango ni kuya Anton.

“Which floor, Reina?” He sounded impatient now.

“S-Sixteenth. Room 1606.” Nahihilong sabi ko.

I have my purse with me at marahan niya iyong kinuha sakin. Nang tumunog ang elevator ay halos mabuwal ako at masubsob sa sahig. Buti nalang at maagap siya at agad akong sinalo.

“Uhmp-” bigla nalang akong umangat sa ere at binuhat niya ako na parang isang bride. Hinihila na ako ng antok at nakasandal parin sa dibdib niya.

Hindi ko na namalayan kung paano nabuksan ang suite ko pero ng maramdaman ko ang lambot ng kama at lamig ng aircon ay nakapikit akong ngumiti.

“Hmm.” I let out a moan. Ang sakit ng buong katawan ko at ng mga paa ko.

Nakarinig ako ng marahas na buntong hininga at ilang saglit pa ay may mainit at magaspang na kamay na humawak sa paa ko para mahubad ang suot kong heels. Bumaluktot ako ng maramdaman ang init ng comforter.

I suddenly felt a warm kiss on my forehead.

“Such a pain in the ass.” I heard a man said before I passed out.

Kabanata 1

A disturbing phone call woke me up with a banging headache. I tried to ignore it at first but it just wont stop ringing. I pulled a pillow on my side just to cover my entire face.

“Ugh!” pihit ko sa kama at dinilat ang isang mata para pilit na hanapin ang cellphone na patuloy parin sa pagring. Kinuha ko iyon sa bedside table at nakita kong alas syete palang ng umaga sa digital clock na katabi non. My God. Let people get some sleep!

“Hello?” I answered with a hoarse voice. Why am I paos?

“Finally. The princess is awake. Get to the breakfast hall and have breakfast with me, child. Now.” I heard a strict baritone voice. Si dad.

I closed my eyes and I groaned in annoyance. It makes sense now why I’m getting nonstop phone calls this early. It’s just seven o’clock! Come on! “Dad. Please. My head hurts. I want to sleep.”

“If you only just listened when I told you not to drink too much, Reina, then you wouldn’t have to complain about your damn hangover. You better fix yourself at bumaba kana dito sa breakfast hall ngayon din. Your titos and titas are here. We will go home later.” I heard someone in the background chuckled. Probably tito Raymond.

The call abruptly ended and I groaned while burying my face on a pillow. What happened? I don’t remember going back to my suite? I remember drinking sa after party ko. Then what? How did I even manage to get to my suite?

I shrugged the idea off. It’s probably just Matt. What a night though. Anong oras na ba kami natapos? How’s Penelope and Pierce? Ang mga classmate ko na ang wild sa bar? Paano sila nakauwi?

I shook my head and stop myself from trying to remember what happened last night. I’m about to doze off to sleep again when another phone call stopped me from doing so. Oh please, Dad! Dammit!

“Dad! I’m coming! Just you wait, please!” Nakapikit akong bumalikwas ng upo sa kama at napakamot sa ulo sa inis.

“Alright. I’m just making sure, princess. I know you tend do a lot of things. At least make yourself presentable at bumaba kana dito ngayon din. No need for you to take a bath and you can do your girly rituals later after breakfast. Wala kanang pagkaing aabutan kapag inuna mo pa iyan. Don’t make me wait, Reina.” He scoffed before immediately dropping the call. Again! What a grumpy old man. It’s early in the freaking morning!

I saw multiple missed calls from him prior to me answering his call. Tsk! Sa takot na mangarag sa isa nanamang tawag ay bumangon na ako at nagtungo sa banyo. Hindi ko na pinansin ang mga regalong nakakalat sa sahig. I’m still wearing my cocktail dress from last night. Nagtoothbrush lang ako at naghilamos. Amoy alak pa ako. Gosh! Nakakawala ng poise! I should take a quick bath! Ugh!

After a brisk shower, I just put on a crop top and short shorts. My head is still throbbing but I have no choice kung hindi ang bumaba dahil sa utos ni dad. I didn’t bother to put on makeup since my phone started ringing because of another phone call from him!

“Elevator na dad.” Walang gana kong sabi habang hinihilot ang sintido.

He sighed. “Good, or else I’m going to send someone to pick you up. Pakibilis Reina. What will I do with you, young lady.” He said to himself after demanding me to make haste. He’s getting impatient. I rolled my eyes habang pinapanood ang pagbaba ng numero sa screen sa taas. Aba’y hindi naman tatakbo ang mga food doon right? Andun lang naman! And even if we are on the breakfast hall, I’m sure there’s enough serving for everyone, even for the hotel guests! If not, I can just order breakfast to be sent in my room. Why the rush?

I sighed in defeat. I know that he value breakfast so much dahil ito lang ang free time niya to spend with me. He always make sure that he will have his first meal of the day with his only daughter. It’s the only time he can get to catch up with whatever’s happening with my life. Madalas niyang nilulunod ang sarili sa trabaho and I don’t want to complain because I feel like that’s his way of coping. For him to divert his attention from missing mommy so much. Gustuhin niya mang magsabay kami sa dinner tuwing gabi ay hindi ko naman siya nahihintay dahil maaga akong natutulog for school at dahil nagtatagal pa siya ng kahit isang oras sa cemetery with mom.

“Finally! The birthday girl! Have a seat, hija!” Sarcastic na tawag sakin ni tito Raymond beside tita Athena who is smiling at me ng pumasok ako sa private room ng breakfast hall. I secretly rolled my eyes and smiled sarcastically too that made him chuckle.

There’s a huge table set up for us where tito Raymond and his wife are sitting, along with our company directors and shareholders who spent the night here in the hotel, tita Elisse and her family, and dad, who is staring at me intently while sipping on his cup of coffee. I saw him glanced at his watch before staring back at me with furrowed brows. Our bodyguards are on the far corner standing still.

Umupo ako sa bakanteng upuan katabi ni dad at yumuko ako para humalik sa kanyang pisngi.

“Morning, dad.” Why so sungit?

“Have a seat. You have kept these people waiting for too long, child.” He whispered curtly before raising his hand to the waiter who will serve me breakfast. Most of them are almost done eating and just having dessert and coffee. Ako nalang ang kakain.

I secretly rolled my eyes. He wants me to be prim and proper, and lady-like but it’s not like I’m here to impress his old colleagues. I’m not rude you know. It’s just that.. my head hurts.. from drinking last night.

Umayos ako ng upo ng makita si tita Elisse na nakatingin sakin at nakangiti. Sila lang ang nandito at wala si Amiel. I wonder where he is eh andito ang buong family niya? I felt a heavy punched on my chest thinking that he might be still in his room with his girlfriend. Or probably spent the night at hers. I remember him kissing her the night of my after party. Playboy! Hmp!

Ngumiti din ako kay tita pabalik. Beside her is tito Amer and on his side is kuya Anton.. who is staring at me darkly while rubbing his index finger on the lip of his coffee cup in a circular motion. What’s with the intense stare? Seriously, what’s wrong with these people? Di ba pwedeng kumain kayo ng wala ako? Am I the one who will be serving you food?

“How’s your after party, hija? Did you have fun?” Tito Raymond asked me with a big smile. Animo nanunuya. I saw one of dad’s directors also looked at me and got interested with the topic. Dad though, gave me a scrutinizing side eye, judging me as if I did something unimaginable last night. Diko nga maremember okay?

I cleared my throat and timidly smiled “It was fun po, tito. Thanks again po sainyo, for coming to my birthday party.” Nanunuya ko ding sagot. Clearly, tito is fishing for information and he just chuckled with my response.

Nahagip ko ang supladong tingin ni kuya Anton sa tasa niya. His brows met its inner ends and his lips protruded as if he disagreed with what I said. What? Mga tanders! Hindi ba kayo marunong mag-enjoy? Hindi ba kayo nagnomash last night?

“That’s good, hija. Naku, pagpasensyahan mo na, at matatanda na. Hindi na kami makakasabay sa gimik niyong mga kabataan.” Singit ng isang old shareholder bago tumawa at sinabayan pa siya ng isang tanders. Hilaw lang akong ngumisi at nagsimulang kumain.

The older men were engaged in another conversation when I heard tito Amer.

“Is Amiel not really coming down to join us?” He tried to be discreet with his question but I was still able to hear it because of his low growl. I keep my head down so I that it won’t be obvious that I’m listening.

Tita Elisse heaved a deep sigh “I don’t know what to do with your son anymore, love. Nakakahiya kay Ria. Anton anak, you should call your brother.” Mahinang tawag nito sa panganay na anak para hindi makagawa ng kahit anong eskandalo sa mga kasama sa mesa.

Nakatuon lang ang tingin ko sa mesa at nakayuko ng bahagya. Wow. Ang puti ng plato. Ang perfect ng pancakes.

I heard kuya Anton sighed beside his father “Let’s not disturb that prick, mama. His presence isn’t really needed in this breakfast, anyway.” He said as he bore his lazy eyes on his half-empty coffee cup.

“Anton-” tita Elisse was cut off by her husband.

“Anthony.” I saw how tito Amer glared at his son because of his choice or words. He sighed before instructing kuya Anton. “Call him, son.”

“Tss.” I saw the latter shrugged his shoulders thinking he will ignore his dad but I caught him dialing on his phone.

“Why are you not eating, princess?” I heard dad’s deep whisper. Halos mapatalon ako sa gulat. Nahuli niya iyon at masama agad ang titig sakin. Mukhang mahuhuli pa ata akong nageeavesdrop! No!

“I am.” Tipid kong sabi sabay subo ng pancake. I wiggled my brows and tried to force a smile but daddy just squinted his eyes before sighing.

“Uhh Rico, I just want to remind you about our dinner plans later tonight? Raymond and his family will be going. Will you be busy? Imbitado din sana kayo ni Ria.” Tita Elisse called dad and both of us glanced at her direction. Only that I caught kuya Anton staring at me again.

Minsan talaga weird si kuya Anton. I get that he is five years older than me but he is so uptight and sometimes primitive. Kakasama siguro sa mga tanders naming board members. Naiisip ko tuloy minsan na kung magiging boyfriend ko na si Amiel, maghihigpit din kaya siya samin? Dad is for sure but him? Like babawalan niya kaya kami magdate ng kapatid niya or mag makeout? I giggled internally. Masyado akong nagiimagine ng mga gusto kong gawin namin.

“Right. I’ll see my schedule, Elisse.” Dad replied curtly.

“Ano pong meron, tita?” Halos magsabay kami ni dad, ng nangingiti akong magtanong kay tita Elisse.

Ngumiti sakin si tita Elisse bago saglit na pinasadahan ng tingin si kuya Anton “Well, we just want to celebrate Anton’s first international project in MECS, hija. He and his team will be building a tower in Barcelona. You should join us! Amiel will also be home tonight, hija. Magkakausap kayo.” Exited na imbita ni tita na agad na sinangayunan ko.

I sometimes want to thank her for making a move for Amiel and I to be close. Kahit naman na ganoon ang bunso niya, hindi naman iyon malupit. Talagang… may pagkasuplado lang minsan at tahimik. Just my type. Gosh! Ang gwapo niya kung seryoso siya at kunot ang noo lagi.

I can hear dad scoffing beside me in disagreement na siyang kinahalakhak ni tito Raymond sa kabilang gilid niya. Sabayan pa ni kuya Anton na mariin din ang titig sakin at nakaismid.

“Oh. I’m sure Ria is available. Hindi ba, hija?” si tito Raymond. Tong mga tanders na to! You are ruining my potential love life!

“I told you, mama, hindi na kailangan iyon.” Si kuya Anton na tila ba ayaw na ayaw ang narinig. See? How uptight. It’s just dinner, a simple get together to celebrate his success.

No! This dinner should push through! Hindi ko nakita today si Amiel and if tita Elisse said that he will be there tonight, then it’s my chance to have my love life flourish!

I am about to confirm that I am going when dad interrupt me “You have homework, Reina?” He asked, suggesting that I shouldn’t go. I know you!

“None. I mean, yes, we have but next week pa ang deadline. Let’s go dad, please?” Nakakunot lang ang noo ni dad at halos umismid sa sinabi ko. Matalim na titig ang ginawad niya sa nasa harap ko.

“Oh that’s great! Maybe, you and Amiel can work together in that homework, hija. Saang subject ba iyan?” Gatong ni tita Elisse. I love her so much! Tumango ako sakanya at muling bumaling kay dad para magpuppy eyes.

This needs to work! Come on!

“Uhm… sa m-math po.. I agree… with tita Elisse, dad… I-I can probably do my homework there shortly after dinner. Please?” Nakahawak na ang parehong kamay ko sa braso ni dad. This is also a chance for us to have dinner together. Hindi mo nako naaabutan madalas pag nauwi ka ng late. Pumayag kana dad!

Tito Raymond chuckled beside dad. “I’m sure your dad can teach you that but-” hindi na nasundan dahil kinurot na ata ni tita Athena. Buti nga! Deserve!

Naniningkit na tumitig sakin si daddy pagkatapos ay nagpakawala ng malalim na buntong hininga. Babagsak na sana ang balikat ko pero nakita ko ang marahan niyang pagtango. Yes!

“Yay! Thanks, dad!” I swear I am smiling from ear to ear. Hindi din naman magaling si Amiel sa math at bokya pa nga minsan iyon pero at least diba, iyon ang pwede naming topic kung makakapagusap kami mamaya!

Pwede naman siguro kaming magresearch kung paano gagawin ang assignment. I just.. really want to go.

It’s not really a formal event but tita Elisse invited family, colleagues, and some of their socialite friends. She has been feeding me bits of information about tonight and I am more than excited to go to that party. Sobrang excited na nakalimutan kong may hangover pala ako kaya ng matapos magbreakfast at umakyat ng kwarto ay napadaing ako ng muling humilab ang sakit ng ulo ko.

“Fuck this.” I muttered while waiting for the lift to reached my floor. Kasama ko si Matt at ibang bodyguards dahil ibababa nila ang regalong umoccupied ng buong living room ng suite. Nakaligo na ako kaya magaayos lang ako ng gamit pero hindi ko alam kung magchecheck out nako or magsistay pa ako saglit. I really want to sleep and when I saw the bed, para akong ineengganyo nitong mahiga.

Dad already went to work and he is expecting me to go home with the bodyguards but I guess he’ll allow me to stay for a couple more hours? Hanggang tanghali pa naman ang check-out.

I sent him an SMS and I received a call in less than ten minutes. Gosh!

He allowed me but Matt will have to stay in the hotel premise too. Hindi na ako kumontra at gusto ko nang mahiga at matulog. Nakababa na ang mga bodyguards at magpapaiwan daw si Matt. Nauna siyang tawagan ng daddy para sabihan bago ako.

“Takecare, princess. Message me when you got home alright? I have to go now.” Si dad.

“Okay. I love you, dad.” He bid his goodbye before dropping the call. I stared at my window and appreciate the skyscrapers of San Vicente before I sighed and jumped on the bed to sleep.

Eleven na ng muli akong magising. Just in time to prepare for my leave. Pumasok ako ng banyo para magshower pero mas naengganyo akong magbabad sa bath tub. Good thing they have bath bombs here. Nahiga ako sa maligamgam na tubig ng mga bente minutos bago nagpasyang maganlaw na.

I had more time to spare doing my skincare routine lalo pa at hindi ako minamadali ni dad. I wore another tank crop top matched with my denim mini skirt. I applied sunscreen to protect my delicate skin from harmful UV rays. Naglagay lang ako ng cheek and lip tint just so I can bring color to my face.

“Gorgeous.” I winked at my reflection in the mirror. Ang ganda ko talaga. When I am ready and dad allows it, I’ll have my sex reassignment.

I called Matt and he said he is downstairs. He is about to go upstairs but I told him not to since magchicheck out na din naman ako at wala nakong bibitbitin masyadong gamit. I asked him to meet me in the lobby instead.

I almost smirk when I felt the stares of the people na nakakasalubong ko. Well, what can I say? I’m beautiful and I am rich. Wala akong kasalanan kung may maiinggit man sakin. Umismid man ang iba, I’ll just flip my hair and walk away.

I texted dad that I’m home already. It’s a Sunday so wala akong pasok. Maybe I’ll go out shopping this afternoon? I should get a new dress for the event tonight! I’m excited.

Sa bahay nako naglunch at pagkatapos nga, ay tumulak nako sa mall. I am with Matt so when I sent another text to dad, there’s no way he wouldn’t allow me.

I really wanted to have a gown made just for tonight but hell I know I’m wishing for the stars. Isa pa, I don’t want to exaggerate things. Baka maturn off naman sakin si Amiel pag ang OA ko for a simple get-together dinner. RTW dresses from famous designers will do. There’s nothing I couldn’t pull off anyway.

Pero isang oras na ako sa mall, wala padin akong mapili. I don’t know what to wear. Anong style ba ang mas maganda?

I got a black sleeveless fitted mid-length dress from Prada, pero narealize ko ng pagkalabas ko ng store na baka may mas maganda pa kaya gusto ko pang bumili. I want a dress that would make me catch his attention without him thinking that I exerted too much effort for just a fucking dress. Ugh!

Sumasakit nanaman ang ulo ko sa kakaikot. This won’t do me good. Itutulog ko to paguwi kaya I need to find a dress na! Diyos ko.

The Gucci embroidered wool mini-dress looks good on me, but I want to look more mature. I am already eighteen. Nonetheless binili ko padin. This might be of use kung may iba akong pupuntahan.

“This looks good on you, ma’am!” Masiglang sabi ng babae ng lumabas ako ng fitting room. I chose a blue halter neck silk jacquard dress. It’s from a local designer and it’s my first time hearing it but not bad. Naengganyo akong pumasok sa boutique na iyon dahil I am hopeless. Pwede na din ang dress na ito. Simple lang at hindi naman masyadong aagaw ng eksena.

I surveyed my reflection in their full-length mirror “Do you think… I’ll look mature with this?”

“Certainly, ma’am! Naku, bagay po at mukha kayong model.” Pangeengganyo ng attendant.

In the end, I bought the dress at iyon ang napili kong suotin mamayang gabi. Umuwi na ako agad pagkatapos ko sa boutique na iyon. I’ll surely come back for more dresses. I had a brisk shower when I got home because I feel squishy before I took a nap in the afternoon. I really feel lazy kaya gusto ko pang matulog at para talagang wala akong hangover pagdating ng gabi.

Madilim na nga ng magising ako at punong puno ako ng energy. Para bang hindi ako nagwalwal kagabi. Ngiting ngiti akong bumangon at excited na pumunta kayna tita Elisse. Narinig ko pa ang saktong pagkatok ni manang Lupe.

“Ria anak gising kana ba? Gusto mo bang kumain na? Alam mo namang gagabihin ang daddy mo.” Dinig kong tawag nito sa labas ng pinto.

“No manang! I’m having dinner at tita Elisse’s!” Sigaw ko pabalik.

Nang marinig ang sagot ko ay pumihit ang seradura ng pinto at pumasok na sa kwarto si manang at sinalubong ako ng ngiti.

“Sige. Nagpaalam kana ba sa daddy mo? Baka hanapin ka-”

“Yes po of course. We talked about this earlier at breakfast. Tita Elisse invited us to a simple get together to celebrate kuya Anton’s first project abroad.” Sagot ko habang sinusuri ang mukha sa salamin. Thank God I got rid of that hangover eyebags!

“Ay ganun ba. Naku sabihin mo sa kuya mo congrats kamo ha! Sige bababa na ako. Ikaw na ang tumawag sa daddy mo at magtatanong padin yun kung naghapunan kana.” Paalam nito bago isara ang pinto ko.

I am staring at my vanity mirror at ang fresh ko talaga tonight dahil sa tinulog ko! Perfect! I still have a lot of gifts na nakatengga sa sahig at hindi ko pa nabubuksan. Naupo ako sa stool at nagsimulang magbukas na muna ng iba para mabawasan ang gamit sa sahig. May mga sapatos, bags, and accessories akong natanggap. Some are actually good and I think I can wear some of them tonight.

“Who’s this from?” Kinuha ko ang box ng Cartier na nakahalo sa mga sapatos.

I opened it and it showed me a smaller red box inside. What is it? I tried to search for a letter and I got the card with a dedication beside the smaller box. I don’t recognize the handwriting but it’s.. really good. Ang ganda ng sulat kamay. I wonder kung kanino?

“If you only knew how you hold my world with your little fingers. I wish you could hear my heart beats for you every time you look my way. You didn’t wear much earrings so I’m hoping that you will wear mine. Happy birthday, baby.” I read the message on the card.

My lips are parted in awe and confusion before it turned into a smirk. I unknowingly raised a brow when I flipped the card. Walang pangalan?

“Destinée…” I gasped when I opened the smaller box and it showed me the 18K rose gold brilliant cut diamond earrings.

I’m quite familiar with the design but I don’t own the piece yet. Hindi ako mahilig sa earrings. My mom’s accessories are what I’m using actually. Mga bigay ni dad.

Ang yaman naman ng secret admirer ko at may pa Cartier. Too bad I’m not available. I already belong to my betrothed, to Amiel. So you should ask someone else to hold your… world.

Weird though. Ang creepy naman nito para mapansin na hindi nga ako palasuot ng hikaw. So much for obsessed admirers. Konting kibot at maliliit na bagay pinapansin sa akin. Ugh!

Padarag ko itong sinoli sa box at iniwan sa tabi. You know naman pala na I don’t really like wearing earrings, so what makes you think that you are so special for me to wear that? Huh?

Sa ibang araw ko na muna itutuloy ang pagbubukas ng mga natitirang regalo. Tumungo nako sa banyo para maligo at makapagayos na.

“I’m going now, dad. Matt will drive me there.” Sagot ko sa tawag ni dad pagkabukas ng pinto ng kotse. Hindi ko pala siya natawagan dahil sa pagaayos kaya siya na ang tumawag sakin.

“You take care, princess. I still have a meeting in five and I’ll visit your mom after this. Ako nalang ang susundo sayo mamaya alright?”

Lalong lumapad ang ngisi ko. So he won’t be there! Yes! May alone time kami ni Amiel! Walang CCTV!

“It’s okay, dad. I know you are tired. You can go rest nalang at home after. Matt will be there naman. Tell mom I miss her!” Excitement didn’t escape my voice kaya ganun nalang ang paglaglag ng panga ko ng marinig ang sagot ni dad.

“Uhuh. I’m going to that dinner too, child. Invited ako ah? Ayaw mo ba akong pumunta?” He said in a scrutinizing tone. Oh no.

“No! Of course not! I mean… well… baka lang pagod kana after the cemetery. So..” hindi ko mahanap ang mga salita sa takot.

“I’ll be there. I’m picking you up after the party. You behave in that dinner, Reina.” He said in a menacing tone and I rolled my eyes at that.

“K. Bye dad. Love you!”

He sighed. “Alright. I love you, my princess. Take care please.”

We arrived shortly at tita Elisse’s mansion downtown. Agad na akong pinapasok at binati ng security. May naggiya pa sakin papasok ng malaking bahay kaya dumiretso na ako at hindi na binalingan pa si Matthew. The living room is already packed with important guests. Some of which are even wearing coat and tie. Mga matatanda na at pamilyar ako dahil ang iba, members ng board. May mga babae din ditong paandar ang mga damit. I’m familiar with them. Mga beauty queens! I heard ginanap sa hotel nila tita Elisse ang preliminaries ng mga to. Diyos ko! Mali pa ata ang outfit ko! I should opt for a long evening gown instead! Bakit sabi simple dinner lang?

My eyes wandered at the living room to find tita Elisse at nakita ko siyang may kausap na dalawang middle-aged na babae at isang chubby na bading na may scarf sa leeg. Akmang lalapit ako sakanya ng may malaking bulto na humarang sakin.

“Good evening, Reina.” I took a quick glance and it’s kuya Anton.

“Uhh.. Hi kuya! Congratulations!” I replied but my attention is somewhere else. Bumalik ang tingin ko sa banda nina tita Elisse. I wonder where Amiel is?

“Thank you.. for coming tonight. Si mama talaga.. nag abala pa. Are you hungry?” I heard him asked but my attention is focused on finding his baby brother. Wala siya sa kumpulan ng mga magagandang babae. Tumingin ako sa magarang staircase at wala din naman doon. Where are you, Amiel?

“Reina?” I heard kuya Anton probed. Agad akong nahiya. I’m not being rude. I’m just. Ugh! Bwisit! Sayang pa ata ang punta ko.

“Yeah! Yeah thank you kuya. Puntahan ko lang si tita Elisse.” Paalam ko dito. My brows almost furrowed when I saw him swallowed hard and stared at me with a defeated look. What’s the matter?

“Sure. I’m sorry for.. holding you off. Enjoy the evening-” I heard his deep baritone voice faded as I just gave him a quick smile at dumiretso na kay tita Elisse. Agad kong nakuha ang atensyon niya at tinawag ako.

“Oh Ria! Thank God you are here! Akala ko hindi kana dadating, hija.” Nakangiting tawag niya sakin at hinila ako para ipakilala sa mga kausap niya. I gave them my sweetest smile. That’s it. Demure lang at mabait.

Kabanata 2

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Ria.” Bati ni Nala. I was wrong. Hindi siya isang organizer. Fashion designer pala siya. And a proud gay designer at that. Nakipagkamay ako sakanya at ganoon din sa dalawang ginang na kasama niyang nakangiti at pinakilala sa akin ni tita Elisse.

“Would you be interested to join beauty pageants? Maganda ka hija. And you being a transwoman makes you special! Walang bukayo! Mananalo ka for sure.” Dagdag naman ng kasama nitong middle-aged na babae na may-ari daw ng isang sikat cosmetic line sa Pilipinas na nagsponsor sa mga beauty pageant na kinabibilangan ng mga kandidata na nandito. I don’t see their relevance to be in this simple dinner anyway pero wala naman na akong pakialam doon. My eyes drifted to the other woman beside her that was also introduced to me by tita Elisse. She is staring at me with a smize. Mariin ang panonood niya sa akin.

“Ahh..” hilaw kong ngisi. “I’m still a student po. And I’m not sure if I can commit to that responsibility given my strict schedule sa school. Hindi rin po ata papayag ang daddy ko.” Besides, I want to be a model. Not a beauty queen. There’s a difference when making an impact to the world and just walking the runway. Mas gusto ko iyon for I don’t see the need for me to compete. I am beautiful alright. I don’t have to convince the people about it.

Natawa si tita Elisse. “Naku Adriana! Hindi papayag ang daddy niyan at napakahigpit noon sa unica hija niya. I’m just glad he allowed her to pursue modeling in the future.”

Bakas naman ang gulat sa mukha ng tatlong kaharap namin. “Oh you want to pursue modeling ba? Much better, hija! Bakit mo nga naman kakailanganin ng korona kung pwede ka namang makilala parin sa buong bansa dahil sa larangang iyan. I can help you, Karina here, is also a transwoman and she owned a modeling agency. Her models are wearing most of my designs.”

Bakas ang mangha sa mukha ko. Wow. She’s a trans din pala? She’s so beautiful.

“Really? Wow. You’re so beautiful po ma’am.” Hindi ko napigilang puna. Tipid lang na ngumitii ang huli at mahinang napahalakhak.

“Thank you. You too, hija. You have a fresh yet fierce facial structures. Your beauty will surely standout in the modeling industry.” She commented. I felt the heat rushing through my cheeks. Nakakakilig pala na mapuri ka ng kapwa mo transwoman.

“Naku! Karina is managing some models who are wearing my designs nga hija. Some of them even went abroad for my fashion shows. You should try it! Not for the money since you are the so called “Montecarlo princess”, but certainly it can make you famous lalo na at gusto mo pala tahakin ang industriyang iyon!“ Pangeengganyo muli sakin ng bading na designer.

Pabebe lang akong ngumiti. Hindi ko mapigilang maexcite sa inaalok pero bakit ba marunong pa ito sakin? “Thank you. Soon po siguro. For now, I want to focus on my studies. It’s my last year na po kasi in senior high school.”

“That’s alright, maybe I can give you my business card? And Karina too.. pwedeng siya ang magmanage sa iyo hija. Kontakin mo lang kami kung sakaling interesado kana. I want to see you model my new collection.” Sagot ni Nala at nagkukumahog na inabot sakin ang maliit na business card niya. Tumango naman ang dalawang babaeng kasama niya.

“It’s good that you focus on your studies, Ria. It’s unfortunate that I don’t have a business card with me for I rarely bring one, but just in case you wanted to try modeling in the future, is it okay if I contact you through Karina and Nala? I want you to be one of the new faces of my cosmetic line hija.” Singit ng babaeng Adriana daw ang pangalan. Wow. Imagine the offers I’m getting tonight! This could be my dream come true!

“Sure po.” Nakangiti pading sagot ko. Magandang ideya nga iyon. Pwede ako doong magsimula at sunod naman… sa mga clothing line at lingerie. Iyon ay kung papayagan ako ni daddy.

“Here. I’ll give you my business card too hija. Whenever you are ready and you wanted to try modeling, just let me know. I’ll hone you.” Tawag sakin si Karina at maingat na ngumiti. She look reserved. Her stance and aura screamed luxury. Mukha siyang galing sa mayamang pamilya. Napakapino ng kilos at tipid din masyado kung ngumiti o magreact. Kita ko lang ang panonood niya sakin. She looked familiar though. Like I’ve seen her.. or at least heard her name somewhere.

Hinagod naman ni tita Elisse ang likod ko at tumango tango pa. Tumango lang din ako sa kay Karina at nagpasalamat bago itago sa clutch ang business cards na nakuha. Pagtungtong ko ng college, I’ll pursue this. Of course, magpapaalam ako ulit kay dad. Okay lang sakanya noon pero gusto ko parin malaman kung parehas parin ba ang opinyon niya about this by next year.

In the middle of the pleasantries I inhaled a familiar perfume and suddenly my heart starts beating fast. That smell…

“Oh, son. Finally you went downstairs.” Bati ni tita Elisse ng makita kong humalik si Amiel sa pisngi niya. Halos kumalabog ang puso ko ng mahagip ko ang paraan ng pagtitig niya sakin habang bumabati sa ina. Gosh.

“Oh! Ang gwapo gwapo talaga ng mga anak mo Elisse. Ito na si Amiel hindi ba? Naku ang gwapo!” Malanding puna ng bading na designer at pabiro pang hinampas ang braso ni Amiel. Aba! Ayos din to ah.

Amiel kept a straight face and just shrugged the comment off. Ngumiti naman si tita Elisse sa pagsusuplado ng anak at inaya na din kaming kumain na.

Dahil higit bente katao ata ang nasa bahay nila, kami ang nasa dining table habang ang dalawa sa candidates ng beauty pageant ay nakaupo sa mesa sa garden nila sa likod bahay. Andoon din sina Nala at ibang engineers na kateam daw ni kuya Anton. Kinakausap niya ang mga ito habang panaka naka ang tingin sa loob ng bahay.

Halos marinig ko ang pagdagundong ng puso ko sa kilig at kaba dahil katabi ko si Amiel. Sa kabisera ay si tito Amer at sa kanan nya si tita Elisse katabi ni Karina at Adriana kasama ang natitirang babaeng kandidata ng ginanap na beauty pageant sa lugar kamakailan habang sa kaliwa naman ng kabisera ay si Amer at ako. May kasama din kaming directors at engineers ng MECS na kumakain sa dining table nila na nakaupo sa hanay ko.

“Is your dad not coming, hija?” Tanong ni tita Elisse. I noticed the stares from both tito Amer and Karina who watched me respond to tita Elisse. Hilaw lang akong ngumisi at umiling.

“Bibisita pa po siya kay mommy.. pero susunduin niya daw po ako after dinner.”

I saw tita Elisse sighed and smiled at me sadly. I bit my lower lip at pinagpatuloy ang paghihiwa sa karne.

“Your mother was very lucky to be married with your father, hija. He is an honorable man and a faithful husband. Unlike.. well.” I heard Ms. Karina’s comment and shrugged her shoulders. I smiled with what I heard from her.

“Yes. I agree po. Actually my mom was also a transwoman.. like me.” Medyo nahihiya ko pang sabi.

She smiled but it was short-lived. I saw some intriguing stares from the girls on their side. Tss. They are probably checking Amiel out. Pwede ba mga aunties? You look so old that your heavy make ups had a hard time to conceal your age. Hindi kayo bagay. Nagkibit balikat lang ako at nagpatuloy sa pagkain.

“Amiel. Ria said that you have a homework to be submitted next week? Pwede nyo siguro iyong gawin mamaya after dinner.” Tita Elisse suggested. Simple akong tumingin sa katabi na siya ring lumingon sa gawi ko. I slightly bowed my head. I swear I’m blushing right now.

I saw his confusion and I almost rolled my eyes. I bet he didn’t know we have a homework. Puro kasi harot sa girl of the week.

“I.. don’t know mama. Titignan ko pa.” Maingat niyang sagot.

“Ahm… we have homework.. sa business math.” Mahinang sabi ko. I almost felt intimidated with the way he turned to my direction and stared at me intently.

He sighed. “I see. Hindi ko pa tapos. Magpapaturo lang din ako kay kuya Anton.”

“Your brother will be busy accommodating our guests, son. You and Ria can work together on that homework while she’s waiting for her dad.” Tito Amer commented.

Amiel exhaled heavily before nodding. He.. nodded. Fuck! He agreed! Does that mean? Oh my!

“Speaking of Anton, you must be so proud Amer for your son’s first international project with the company. Siya ang nagpresent ng proposal na iyon sa board at iyon din ang pinadala sa client. I must say, he is brilliant.” Papuri ng isa ata sa head engineers namin sa tabi ko. Ngiting ngiti ang matanda na kinatango naman ni tito Amer.

“Well, what can I say? I want him to take over our businesses but he really wants to pursue engineering kaya hinayaan na namin ng mama niya.” Proud na proud namang sagot ng huli. I saw the beauty queens secretly giggling in front. Ang pabebe naman ng mga to! Hmp!

“Tss.” I heard Amiel scoffed with probably what his father said. Agad akong nagiwas ng tingin ng nahuli niya ang panonood ko sakanya. Am I so conscious about this dinner na lahat nalang napapansin ko? Goodness!

“It’s alright, love.” Hawak ni tita Elisse sa kamay ni tito bago siya bumaling sa nasa kaliwa ko. “Thank you. You are right. We are so proud of him. In two years in the field, he is already making his name. I remember kahit noong intern palang siya, he is being exposed na daw to some of your big projects.”

“Yes. Yes that’s right! Naku, ang ilan sa architect at engineers namin sa firm, madalas hinihingi ang opinyon niya sa mga proposals o kahit nga sa designs. Malayo ang mararating ng batang iyon.”

I unconsciously took a glance at the glass door before the huge backyard where the other guests are sitting. Nakatayo padin sina kuya Anton who is now speaking with I guess the reigning queen beside him.. Siya lang kasi ay may suot na sash sa mga kasama niyang babae. Tss. Such a show off! I even saw Nala in between na ineencourage ata silang maupo at kumain. He teased them at marahan niya pang pinalo sa braso si kuya Anton but I saw the latter just smiled before looking inside their house. Agad nagtama ang tingin namin na siyang pinutol ko naman para uminom ng tubig.

“Can you.. tell me.. what’s our homework in business mathematics?” I heard Amiel’s low voice. Halos magningning ang mata ko ng kausapin niya ako.

He is usually like this.. kapag kami lang. Minsan kinakausap niya ako. Minsan naman hindi. Sa school, halos hindi kami nagpapansinan dahil lagi niyang kasama ang mga lalaki naming kaklase o di kaya ang mga pinopormahan niyang babae.

“Uhh.. we have problem solving lang.. 10 items.. pero diko pa kasi n-nauumpisahan…” and now I’m stuttering. Great!

“Alright. We can start with that after this.. I guess.”

Sure! Alam ko namang mahina ka sa math dahil hindi ka nakakasagot kapag recitation but with your effort to do our homework.. makes me so proud. Wala namang hindi naaaral. This could be our relationship goals. Sabay tayong gagawa ng homework at sabay din tayong magaaral. Sabay ding gagraduate on time.

Patuloy ang dinner at tahimik lang akong nakikinig sa usapan. Naging topic ang coronation night, ang mga sponsors, at ang cosmetic line ni Ms. Adriana. Nang matapos kumain… ay umakyat kami… sa kwarto ni Amiel.

“You won’t be able to do that here Amiel. Besides, your father will be in the study kasama ng mga kaibigan niya at tito ni Ria. Sa kwarto mo nalang anak.” Hikayat ni tita Elisse. I’m biting my lower lip so hard to hide my smile. Assignment ang gagawin Ria! Parang masyado ka namang excited na mapag isa kayo sa kwarto!

Amiel sighed but he still agreed for us to go upstairs to his bedroom… para gawin ang takdang aralin. My heart is pounding so hard with so much emotions. Halong kaba, takot, at excitement. Takot huh? I wonder kung saan. Ria!

Pierce is clearly poisoning my mind! Walang ibang pumapasok sa utak ko kung hindi ang mga senaryong kinukwento niya na napapanood niya daw sa mga porn. Kung paano magmemake out hanggang sa matutuloy.. sa sex.

“We are going to do our homework. In Amiel’s bedroom! Oh my God! Deserve!” I sent a message sa facebook chat group namin nina Penelope at Pierce.

I inhaled Amiel’s familiar scent when we entered his bedroom. It looks.. boyish. Hindi malinis pero hindi naman ganung makalat. Bukas lang ang cabinet at kita ko ang mga nakabalunbon na damit. Hindi rin nakaayos ang kama. Pero wala namang basura at walang masangsang na amoy. Like a typical teenager boy’s bedroom. It looks cute actually.. I don’t know. Hindi naman red flag ang hindi maayos na kwarto hindi ba? Normal naman ata ito sa mga lalaki.

“Pwede kana maupo diyan. I’ll just.. get another chair. Dala mo ba ang homework natin?” Tanong niya sa malalim na boses habang ginigiya akong maupo sa gaming chair niya kaharap ng study table na may gaming PC din.

“Uhh.. hindi ko dala ang binder ko.. pero nasa phone ko ang homework. N-Napicturan ko sa b-board.”

He just pursed his lips before nodding. Lumabas siya ng kwarto para siguro kumuha ng upuan niya at ng makalabas siya ay para akong kitikiting agad na umupo sa gaming chair niya. Napapikit pa ako ng sumandal sa backrest. This is heaven!

My phone beeped and I read Pierce’s reply.

“Bakla! Belated birthday sex ang tawag diyan!” I cringed at what he said pero hindi ko maiwasang pamulahan ng pisngi. This is bad, Ria. Curiosity will kill you. Behave! Gagawa lang kayo ng homework! Assuming ka masyado!

Nagsend ng nasusukang emoji si Penelope sa chat ng pinsan at minura pa ito sa kahalayan. Tumawa lang naman ang huli at patuloy lang sa pagchat ng mga malalaswang eksena. Halos mapapitlag ako ng mapansin ang bulto ni Amiel sa pinto kaya mabilis kong tinago ang cellphone ko.

He raised a brow when he saw my sudden movement but he still walked towards me and placed the wooden chair beside me. Dinampot niya din ang bag niya sa gilid ng kama at kinuha ang binder niya bago muling lumapit sa lamesa. Pagkalapag sa study table ay hinarap niya ang sandalan ng upuan at pabaliktad siyang umupo doon bago pinahinga ang magkabilang braso sa backrest at pumangalumbaba. He looked so… manly.

“Shall we begin?”

To be honest, hindi ko din alam kung saan magsisimula kaya nagsearch muna kami kung paano. Wala kasi ang notes ko kaya hindi ko masusundan kung paano ito isosolve. Pwede naman akong turuan ni daddy sa mga ganito kaso nga lang ay hindi niya ako laging natututukan dahil nakakalimutan niya minsan marahil nadin sa trabaho at late na siyang umuuwi pagkagaling kay mommy.

“Uhh… magpapaturo ba tayo kay kuya Anton-”

“Tss. No. I don’t need his help. We can do this homework without him.” Inis niyang sabi.

Dahil nga hindi ko din saulo at halos maduling ako sa problems ay nagchat nalang ako kayna Pierce para humingi ng tulong. Sabi niya kanina ay tapos na daw siya sa homework namin at ganun din si Penelope. Edi kayo na!

Pagkasend ko ng chat ay nag angat ako ng tingin at sinalubong ako ng mapanuring titig ni Amiel. Nakapangalumbaba parin siya pero nasa akin ang buong atensyon. I even saw him stared at my dress before staring back at my face.

“Uhm.. w-wait ko lang ang reply.. ni P-Pierce.. para sa f-formula.”

“Okay.” He said in his husky voice. Oh my God.

Nagbeep ang phone ko at halos sabay kaming mapadungaw ni Amiel doon pero mabilis ko ding naiwas ng hindi masyadong obvious. Puta naman Pierce! Baka mabasa ang kabalastugan mo! Mabubukayo ang awra ko!

“Tigilan mo ang kakachat ng bastos bakla ka! Baka mabasa ni Amiel! I-VM mo ang formula at pano siya sinosolve para masimulan na namin!” Chat ko sa baklang kaibigan sa group chat namin. Malapit ko nang masampal si Pierce dahil sa kalandian niya.

Hilaw akong napangisi ng binalik ko ang tingin kay Amiel na nasa parehas paring ayos at naghihintay habang nakataas ang isang kilay.

“Ano… ahm.. may ibang pinag-usapan kasi kami.. k-kanina. P-Pero hiningi ko na.. kung paano to sasagutan.”

“Uhuh. Okay.” He replied languidly.

Ilang minuto ang lumipas at halos hilingin kong kainin ng lupa sa sobrang awkward ng katahimikan. Nang magreply si Pierce, nagsimula na kami habang pineplay ko ang voice message ni Pierce kung paano sasagutin ang mga tanong.

“Not sure.. if this is correct.. ano ba ang sagot mo?”

Nabaling ang tingin ko kay Amiel na nakanguso at seryosong nagsosolve sa binder niya. Wala siyang kopya ng assignment kaya pagkatapos isulat ang picture na nasa cellphone ko ay nagsagot na siya sa babang parte ng notes niya.

I took advantage of the luxury of staring at him this close. Gwapo talaga si Amiel. Gwapo din naman si kuya Anton pero mas mature ang features niya at kung minsan ay nakakatakot. Amiel, on the other hand, is a bit leaned back and care free. Medyo soft ang facial features pero nakakaintimidate din kung supladong titingin at kung iigting ang panga. Medyo maputi siya habang moreno naman si kuya Anton. His brother is bulky while Amiel is toned due to sports. Kaya din marami ang nagkakagusto sakanya dahil sa physique niya na fit for his age. Hindi OA tignan at tama lang dahil varsity din siya sa school ng basketball. Hindi rin naman nagkakalayo ang katangkaran niya sa taas ng kapatid.

“Tsk.” He grunted at napakamot pa sa ulo ng tila nahihirapang magsolve sa problem number one. I giggled internally. Ang cute mo Amiel.

“Ahh.. k-kamusta?” I tried to probe in case he needs help.

“I… hindi ko alam kung tama.” Kunot na kunot ang noo niya kaya hindi ko na napigilang mapahagikgik. Natigil lang ng suplado siyang bumaling sakin.

I cleared my throat. “Ahm… pwedeng.. p-patingin?”

He sighed as he scratched his neck. He slightly pushed his notes in front of me and I murdered my lower lip so hard to still suppress my smile. Pinagkumpara ko ang computation namin at baliktad ang sakanya kaya hindi niya matuloy at hindi makuha ang tamang sagot.

“Uhh.. b-baliktad ata ito-” I almost jumped when I turned to him and my nose almost touched his left cheek. Bahagya siyang nakayuko at nakatingin din sa notes ko. Halos mapapikit ako ng malanghap ang bango niya.

Oh, Amiel. Why are you so oblivious to the people who have feelings for you?

Or maybe it’s just me. Kasi kung mga babae naman ang nagpapahayag ng kagustuhan sakanya… ineentertain niya o kung matitipuhan niya.. kukunin niya ang number at makikita mo nalang isang araw na kasama niya na kakain sa cafeteria o di kaya sa restaurant sa labas ng campus.

I’m still young and I don’t even know much about love. Never akong nagkaboyfriend at ang mga nanliligaw naman sakin.. lagi kong nirereject kasi nga crush ko siya. I also don’t want him to think na I’m just playing around and exploring.

While I can’t consider this as love yet, but I know that I only have my eyes for him.

Binura niya ang solution niya at nagsimula ulit sa umpisa. Ginaya niya ang formula ko at ng nagcompute sa scientific calculator ay parehas na kami ng nakuhang resulta.

I sometimes hate myself dahil achiever ang parehong parents ko tapos ako hindi. Mommy graduated with latin honors and dad is a great engineer of his time. Tapos ako mahina sa math. Mabilis din naman ako matuto kahit papaano pero you know. It’s still different. Kaya gusto ko paring makatiyak kung tama nga ang sagot ko o baka mali ang pagkakaunawa ko. Inaya kong magfacetime si Pierce para maconfirm ko sakanya kung parehas ba kami ng nakuhang sagot sa unang item.

“Ilapit mo bakla. Hindi ko mabasa eh.” Dinig kong sabi ni Pierce sa cellphone. Agad akong pinulahan ng pisngi ng mahagip ang kunot na noong si Amiel. I sighed. Ganito talaga kami nina Pierce at minsan kung ano ano ang tawag namin sa isa’t isa but why do I feel uncomfortable with Pierce calling me names in front of him?

“Eto te. Bilisan mo check mo kung tama para magawa na namin yung iba!” Atat na sagot ko. Sarap tadtadin ng dila mo bakla ka! Bukayo ka! Hindi ko to deserve!

He stared at my notes for a while before I saw him nodding on the video. “Oo tama. Ganyan daw yun. Yan din value na nakuha ko eh.”

Nang makompirma ay agad nakong nagpaalam at agad na ginawa ang sunod na problem sa kaparehong formula. Nakita kong ganun din ang ginawa ni Amiel.

The silence is killing me and the urge of me to talk to him took the better of me.

“So.. uhh… h-hindi ka nakasabay samin.. kanina sa breakfast?” I asked without tearing off my gaze at my notes. Kunwari ay nagsosolve at curious lang na nagtanong.

He sighed. Kita ko sa peripheral ko ang saglit niyang paglingon bago magpatuloy sa pagsagot. “I was still asleep then. Tanghali nako nagising kanina. Nasabi lang ni mama sakin kanina.”

Right. “Ahh kaya pala. K-Kasama mo.. ang g-girlfriend mo?” Tanong ko ng hindi padin inaalis ang titig ko sa notes na pinahiram niya sakin.

“Yeah.” Tamad niyang sagot.

My heart sank with what I heard. I saw you kissed her the night of my debut. Did you… sleep with her?

Of course, Ria don’t be stupid! A guy like him can easily bed girls who throw themselves at him. Desperate, yes, but still. They have that kind of relationship with him. Kahit na hindi rin naman nagtatagal.

“Nothing serious. But I like her.” He added.

“Y-Yeah.” Walang gana kong tugon. I felt empty but still bearable for me not to cry. Hindi naman ako ganun kaOA para sa crush no! Hindi ko naman masyadong ibababa ang sarili ko.

I just can’t help but think, paano nga kung gusto ni tita Elisse na ipakasal kaming dalawa in the end. With Amiel’s caliber, will I be miserable because he will often cheat on me.. with another woman? For sex? To satisfy his needs?

“Tapos na ako sa pangatlo.” Narinig kong tawag sakin ni Amiel na nagpahinto ng malalim kong iniisip. My eyes sting for trying to hold back the tears from falling. I inhaled deeply.

“Ahh.. s-sige.. p-pasimula palang ako for the third problem.” Hilaw kong tawa dahil nastuck ako sa pagsagot sa problem number two.

Hindi ko na namalayan na nanahimik na pala ako habang nagsasagot at nanatiling nakatingin nalang sakin si Amiel na pinapanood ako.

“Mama asked me..”

“Hmm?” I probed while trying to focus on my math problems.

I heard him sighed. “She asked me.. to buy you a gift. For your birthday. Tatanungin ako non kung nagbigay na ba ako.”

I can’t helped but turn to face him and I met his intense gaze.. making my cheeks flushed. Muling naghuramentado ang puso ko.

“I know it’s late.. but I want to know.. what do you want for your birthday?” Nakayuko niyang tanong habang nakakunot ang noo.

Is this.. real?

I was flattered for a split second but since he didn’t intend to give me a gift for my birthday, my hopes for us crushed. Lagi nalang bang ipupush ni tita Elisse para lang may makabuluhang mangyari satin? O magkusa ka na magkalapit tayo?

“Ahh.. thank you but you don’t have to. I-It’s okay.” Trying to save myself from humiliation. Ayoko naman ipagpilitan sakanya ang bagay na iyon kung hindi bukal sa puso niya na bigyan ako ng regalo.

I just.. can’t help but get hurt. Na halos ako lang ata ang laging nagpupush ng ganito sa tulong ni tita Elisse. I know that he’s straight and I don’t want to force this onto him. I can’t blame him. It’s just me.. and what I feel for him.

I heard him sigh that makes me blink to unblur my vision with the tears slowly pooling on the side of my eyes.

“I’m sorry.. I didn’t get you a gift. N-Nalimutan ko lang. But I still want to get you one. Kahit anong gusto mo.”

I swallowed hard and nodded to agree nalang. “O-Okay. Ikaw na ang b-bahala. Hindi ko pa kasi nabubuksan ang iba kong regalo so hindi ko din alam kung ano paba ang hihilingin. It’s really up to y-you.”

His eyes drifted to me and I saw him clenched his jaw. Pero kung napipilitan ka lang din talaga, then that’s fine. Hindi ko ikamamatay kung wala kong makuhang regalo sayo Amiel.

He licked his lips and my eyes immediately focused on that. Gusto kong iumpog ang ulo ko sa pader. So much for the mixed emotions! You are crazy, Reina Ariane! Tampururut ka lang ata eh!

I am shamelessly staring at his lips when we both got startled with the sudden banging of the door. Padarag na bumukas ang pintuan ng kwarto ni Amiel at napalingon ako ng iniluwa noon.. si kuya Anton… na tila hinihingal at madilim ang titig sa kinauupuan naming dalawa.

“What are you doing?” Kuya Anton’s voice thundered.

Amiel groaned before shifting his weight to face kuya Anton who is standing outside the door. “What? Why are you here? Aren’t you-”

“Hanap ka sa baba.” Kuya Anton cut him off while gritting his teeth. Is he.. mad?

“Why? I’m busy kuya. We are doing our homework-”

“Tawag ka sa baba Amiel! Ngayon na!” I almost twitched with kuya Anton’s low growl. Anong meron? May nangyari ba? Sa baba?

Amiel went silent for a minute as they stared at each other. Hindi ko makita kung ano ang itsura ni Amiel ngayon but his back became stiffed. He just scoffed bago padarag na tumayo at naglakad palabas. Binangga pa niya si kuya Anton sa balikat ng makarating sa pinto. The latter didn’t even flinch and just kept his menacing gaze… this time… at me.

Agad akong napaayos ng upo at halos kilabutan. Wala naman kaming ginagawang masama ni Amiel pero tila binalutan ako ng hiya sa katawan dahil para bang may ginagawa kaming kababalaghan dito kahit na wala naman.

He looked so restrained and relieved at the same time. Iniwas niya ang tingin sakin at mariing hinawakan ang door knob. Hindi nakatakas sa paningin ko ang mabigat niyang paghinga. Patuloy din ang pagigting ng panga niya at ang mabilis na pagtaas baba ng kanyang dibdib ay aninag ko mula sa kinauupuan.

He let out a deep sigh. “Nandito na ang daddy mo Reina. Hinahanap ka. Bumaba kana. Uuwi na daw kayo.” Sabi niya ng hindi ako tinatapunan ng tingin bago marahas na binitawan ang door knob at iniwan ako sa kwarto ni Amiel na nakabuyangyang ang pintuan.

What was that?

Kabanata 3

Napahilamos ako ng palad sa mukha bago tumayo at nagpasyang lumabas ng kwarto ni Amiel. Derederetso ang lakad ko pababa ng hagdanan at naabutan ko pa si kuya Anton na malapit na sa ibabang baitang. Kunot noo itong lumingon sa gawi ko bago umismid at dumiretso sa sala.

What’s his problem?

Hindi ko na makita kung nasaan si Amiel ng makababa ako sa living room. Bad trip naman kasi to si kuya Anton! Nagmomoment na kami kanina tapos eeksena pa!

“Oh, Ria. Thank God I saw you here! I’ve been looking for you. Hindi kita nakita kanina sa dinner.” Salubong sakin ni tita Athena sa baba ng grand staircase. She gently dismissed the middle-aged woman she is speaking to and went to me. I smiled at her.

“Good evening, tita. Hindi ko nga din po kayo nakita eh. Nasa dining po ako.”

She giggled. “I see. I’m sorry, hija. Nasa lanai kasi kami kanina ng tito mo with the other engineers. You should have called us lalo na at mag-isa ka pala. Sumunod lang pala si kuya.”

Kumapit siya sa braso ko at lumakad kasama ko. I saw kuya Anton standing in the far corner with another businessman, while we went to daddy na kausap ang dalawang members ng board katabi ni tito Raymond.

“Dad.” Tawag ko kay dad. Sa gilid nilang mga lalaking naguusap ay sina tita Elisse at ang mga kaibigan niya. All of them turned to face me. Ngumiti samin si tito Raymond ng dumiretso sakanya si tita Athena while daddy nodded at me with a small smile on his lips that was short-lived. His fine lines are already showing but no one can deny that he is aging gracefully. Even with eyeglasses. Dad is still handsome.

I tried to reach for his cheek to give him a kiss. Umalalay naman siya sa likod ko.

“Are you done? Let’s go home.” He said. I pouted. Wala sa sarili akong napatingin sa gawi nina kuya Anton at nakita ko siyang kunot noong pinapanood ako habang kausap iyong matandang lalaki. Agad akong nagiwas ng tingin.

We are not yet done with the homework but yes, we can go home. I want to go home.

“I-It’s nice to meet you po, engineer. My name is Nala. I’m a fashion designer. Ria told us earlier that she wants to pursue modeling. Papayag kaba kung tutulungan namin siya? Pwede siyang imanage nitong kaibigan ko. Her name is Karina Alvarado.” Nala called dad’s attention. Ngiting ngiti ito sa katabi ni tita Elisse na si Ms. Karina na nasa bandang likod niya naman na ginigiya niyang ipakilala kay daddy. I don’t know but her smize earlier seems gone. She’s a bit uneasy now and not making much eye contact. She quickly glanced at dad’s way before staring back at some portraits hanging on the walls of the living room. Tipid lang siya na ngumiti sa amin ni dad bago muling nagiwas ng tingin.

Dad lowly chuckled. “Good evening. I’m sorry but my daughter is still very young. I want her to still focus on her studies at this point. She can pursue whatever she wants after she finished college.” He said before his eyes darted at me. Tito Raymond chuckled beside him, probably making another side comment.

So he won’t allow me to pursue it while taking college, then? I sighed. Sayang naman. I’m open to do that during my rest days sana. Hindi naman siguro magiging mabigat ang mga gigs ko but I guess I’ll have to wait.

Kita ko naman ang hilaw na ngisi ng dalawa. Nala tried to take it lightly by laughing exaggeratedly.

“No worries. Nabanggit niya nga din kanina engineer. In the near future siguro Ria, yeah?” Tango pa nito sa akin. Naniningkit na titig ang ginawad sakin ni dad. I awkwardly smiled.

“O-Opo. Like I said earlier, I’ll focus on my studies po muna for n-now. Saka na.. ang modeling.” I cocked a brow trying to gauge dad’s reaction. My grumpy dad just sighed. Hmp! Sabi niya noon pwede naman e!

“She has school early tomorrow. We’ll go ahead.” Dad started bidding his goodbyes. Tumango lang ito kay Nala at kay Ms. Karina na ngayon ay bahagyang nakayuko at nakabaling sa banda nina tita Athena.

“Oh. Hindi ka naba talaga kakain Rico? Wait ipagbabalot nalang kita-” si tita Elisse na mabilis tinanggihan ni daddy.

“I’m good, Elisse. I had my dinner before coming here. Thank you, for taking care of my daughter. Send my regards to Amer.” Tinapik niya din ang balikat ng mga members ng board na nakasuit pa kagaya niya. They said their goodbyes in chorus. Tumango din siya kayna tito Raymond.

“Maya-maya pa kami kuya. Ingat kayo.” Tumango lang din si tito Raymond. I smiled too and bid my goodbyes to all of them.

“Thank you for coming. Ingat kayo ha Rico, Ria. I don’t know where Amiel is but.. oh! Anton! Come here, son! Uuwi na sila Ria.” Tawag naman ni tita Elisse kay kuya Anton na nakahalukipkip sa gilid ng malaking sala, nakita kong nagpaalam ito sa kausap at saka lumakad palapit sa amin. He is attentive dahil isang tawag lang ay palapit na siya agad sa pwesto namin. I suddenly felt nervous as I am like a criminal caught in the act with the way he is staring at me kaya napakagat nalang ako ng labi at tumuwid ng tindig.

“Tito. Thank you for coming.” He said in a deep baritone voice. His eyes are fixated on me that sent shivers to my spine.

Dad curtly nodded, almost scoffing. “Good luck on your project. We’ll go ahead. Let’s go, Reina.”

Tipid lang na tumango si kuya Anton bago ako iginiya ni daddy na lumabas ng mansyon nina tita Elisse.

Si Matt ang magdadrive ng SUV na sinakyan ko kanina dahil sa sasakyan na ako ni daddy sasakay. His bodyguard stood snappily when he saw us. He offered to open the backseat but dad motioned otherwise. Siya ang nagbukas ng backseat at pinasakay ako bago siya umupo sa tabi ko. Mabilis na umandar ang sasakyan at nakaconvoy naman si Matt samin.

Dad reached for my head before planting a kiss on my forehead. “How’s my princess?”

I sighed. “So you won’t allow me to do modeling in college, huh? I think.. kaya ko naman dad. Small time gigs. Para lang m-maexpose po ako at an eary age.” I glanced at him and started battering my eyelashes. Kita kong umismid ang daddy. I chuckled internally. Sungit!

“It’s not that I won’t allow you. I know that it is your dream. But.. can you at least finish your studies first? You can pursue modeling after you graduate.” He said pleading. I let out another sigh.

I pouted at what he said. “O-Okay. Sayang lang kasi kung may opportunity dad. Did you know that I got offers earlier? With Ms. Adriana, she owns a famous cosmetic brand here in the country and she said she wants me to be the new face of her brand. That Nala too! She wants me to model her collections on her fashion shows. Pwede daw akong imanage ng kaibigan niyang si Ms. Karina.”

“Who?” Dad gave me a confused look.

“Ms. Karina. The one that Nala introduced to you earlier? Alam mo ba na trans din siya dad? She’s so beautiful and classy. I think they are of the same age lang ni mommy.”

Saglit siyang napatitig sa harap habang nag-iisip. “Ah. Right. No princess, mas bata ang mommy mo sakanya.”

Ako naman ngayon ang nanliit ang matang lumingon sakanya sa pagkalito. “Really? How did you know? You know her?”

It’s my first time seeing her face and I swear I don’t recognize her. Her name, I probably heard at least once or twice before. But its a blur. I’m not sure.

“Hmm. Kung tama ang pagkakatanda ko. Let’s not mind other people’s businesses, child. Just focus on your studies for now and I’ll let you pursue modeling once you are finished.”

Weird. I guess she is one of mommy’s friends? My brows are furrowed for a fraction as I stared at him unconsciously kakaisip. I heard him heaved a deep sigh bago niya hinilig ang ulo ko sakanyang balikat.

“You are still very young, my princess. You shouldn’t be thinking way ahead too much. You should study instead of getting some modeling gigs. You are not even allowed to have relationships. You can have a boyfriend when you are thirty-”

Marahas akong napabangon at matalim siyang tinitigan. You can’t be serious? “What the hell dad?”

He just scoffed. “I’m just saying. You are too young to focus on these. Like you shouldn’t be coaxed by expensive gifts. You shouldn’t be impressed if a boy achieved something he thought so big in his life either. You shouldn’t be drawn to a boy just by mesmerizing you with their stupid gazes. That will never define how will they treat you let alone if they really love you. All of them are assholes-”

“You do realize you sound so primitive right now, yes? Sige nga. Paano mo napasagot si mommy-”

“Tss. That you wouldn’t understand. What we have is different, child. I love your mom even before she realized I am existing in her life. With your generation, boys will do everything just to persuade you and get under your skirts-”

“Of course I know that and it’s not like I will let them?! Come on, dad! No modeling and no boyfriends, would you rather me be a nun, then?”

He then gave me daggers that made me stunned and swallowed hard. “Hah! So you want to have a boyfriend? Who’s that stupid boy, huh?”

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. Hindi ko kinakaya ang conversation na to. Paano kami napunta dito eh modeling ang sinasabi ko?

“Tell me, Reina! Your tito is right! You have a boyfriend-”

“No dad I don’t! Ugh! Fine! I won’t pursue modeling until I graduate in college. Let’s just stop. We won’t go anywhere with this.”

“Uhuh. And no boyfriends until then-”

I groaned so hard. Hinilot ko na ang sintido ko sa yamot at napatingin sa rearview mirror kung saan naiiling na nakangisi ang bodyguard. Nginingisi ngisi mo diyan panget?!

I heard daddy sighed beside me and just held my hand. Dumako ang tingin ko doon when he caressed mommy’s love bangle.

“I cannot monitor you 24/7 anak. I just don’t want you to be fooled by these morons while you are still studying. I can’t bear to see you get hurt. Mayroon diyang kukunin lang ang loob mo and they will follow you like a lovesick lapdog anywhere you go. You wouldn’t realize na pinopormahan kana pala. I don’t.. like it.” He said in a low baritone voice.

I glanced at my dad who is now staring at me with his usual dark gaze. “Please focus on your studies first?”

While I don’t understand where dad is getting his ideas from or why did he come to this, I sighed in defeat before nodding. It’s not like I’m entertaining suitors. And with Amiel, clearly he has a girlfriend so nothing is going on between us. He has nothing to worry about. Kung meron man akong lalaking kasama, that’s Matt and he is my bodyguard slash driver!

Naligo lang ako at natulog na ng makauwi kami ng bahay. Sa susunod ko na tatapusin ang homework ko dahil Thursday pa naman namin kailangan yon. I asked dad if he wants to eat dinner para sasamahan ko siya but he refused. He said he ordered a takeout and ate with mom. For the nth time, I admired how dad is consistent with showing his affection towards mommy.

“I swear para akong aatakihin sa puso! You didn’t know how scared I was nung di kana bumalik galing CR. I thought you were kidnapped!” Daing ni Penelope.

Kakatapos lang ng isang subject namin at malelate ang sunod na teacher kaya nasa classroom kami naghihintay.

“Believe me, Penn, hindi ko din alam paano ako nakapunta ng suite ko. I was so drunk that night! Buti nalang andun si Matt.” Natatawang sabi ko.

“Huh? You mean siya ang naghatid sayo?” Litong tanong ni Penelope. Si Pierce naman ay nasa kabilang gilid ko at nakangusong nakatingin sa compact mirror habang naglalagay ng lipgloss.

“Yeah? Sino ba dapat?” Lito ko ding balik sakanya. Si Matt ang kasama ko that time and siya ang natatandaan kong nakita ko nung papunta ako ng restroom nung after party ko.

“Weird. I swear I saw Matt at the bar.. looking for you.” She muttered inaudible words before she shook her head and smiled at me.

The day went on and nagpeprepare na kami for our midterms next week. Ngayon palang nalulunod na ako sa exams at seatworks tapos may pending pa akong homework. I can’t fail this. I don’t want to disappoint dad. I groaned in frustration at sinubsob ang mukha sa lamesa. Nandito kami sa isang coffee shop malapit sa school, eating our snacks before going home.

“You should really start working on that pending homework para makapagreview ka sa exams. Isa lang yun ah? Magkacram ka nanaman niyan eh sige.” Si Penn, habang sumisipsip sa iced coffee niya.

“Bakla, kopyahin mo nalang kasi ang assignment ko. Teka eto oh-”

“Are you saying that I should cheat? What would daddy say, you bitch?” Asik ko kay Pierce ng inangat ko ang mukha mula sa pagkakasubsob sa mesa. This is the convenient route but still I don’t want to do it. Hindi na nga ako achiever, mangongopya pa ako.

My gay friend sighed. “Bakit kasi ayaw mo sabihin sa daddy mo? It’s okay to be stressed at schoolworks you know. Pwede ka naman kumuha ng tutor if ever. Yang yaman niyong yan ha!”

Mommy was a bright student. If only she was here, matutulungan niya sana ako sa mga homework ko.

Yeah. I guess I’ll try to.. talk to dad. About getting a tutor.

I was surprised that he went off work early! Nasa study niya siya nung nakauwi ako.

“I just.. I find it really hard. I hate it. I don’t think I’ll pass this subject, dad.” Nakanguso kong sabi habang nakahalukipkip. Noong nakaraan din kasi, five lang ang nakuha ko sa ten-item quiz namin sa parehong subject. Nakaupo ako sa upuan katapat ng desk niya. He sighed before sitting at my armrest and start rubbing my back.

“Come now, don’t be too hard on yourself. I am free right now, let’s finish your homework.”

I pursed my lips even more and hugged dad. I am about to cry due to this stupid frustration. I hate math! Bakit kasi may ganito pa akong subject! This will be of no use when I became a model!

He was patient when teaching me ways and even the “fastest way” he said to determine whether or not the problem will require me to use a certain formula. I am a fast learner but when it comes to this subject, it’s always a struggle.

Medyo bearable ang mga naunang items na natapos namin ni Amiel pero ang sumunod na, parang hindi ko naman matandaang tinuro. Dad chuckled when I got the eighth problem wrong. Halos mapapadyak na ako sa inis. Muntik ko na ngang maibato ang ballpen ko sa sahig.

“Calm down. Let’s do it again.” He handed me back the pen and asked me to start solving again.

“You know, your mom was.. an intelligent student back then. But she.. also had a hard time with her math problems. Naiinis ang mommy mo noon kapag ang daming sinosolve. That’s why.. I was helping her with her math homework before.”

My lips were apart nung umangat ang tingin ko kay dad. She did?

He chuckled lowly. “She excelled with most of her subjects but when it comes to math, she was always saying that she wanted to get higher marks for it. Not that her grades were failing.. she’s actually good. She just wanted to top that subject too. Mahirap lang para sakanya.”

I pursed my lips. I didn’t know that. I guess I took after her, huh? Iyon nga lang, I am so so even with my other subjects. Hindi bumabagsak, pero hindi din naman ganung mataas ang marka. I sighed.

I felt him crouched to kiss my forehead while caressing my shoulder. “You can do it. I am not asking you to get a perfect score every time anyway. I just want you.. to study, while still enjoying your high school life. You will go to college soon and I don’t want you to be pressured with numbers. I know your mom would have wanted the same for you.” somehow it erased my worries and hesitations. He is always this lenient with me, all the more reason I want to do better.

“Thank you, daddy.” I hugged him again. Ang bigat ng aking paghinga ay unti unting kumalma. They say college is not easy, kaya ngayon palang dapat handa na ako. I can deal with pressure. Kaya ganitong homework lang hindi dapat ako maiistress at baka ikalosyang ko pa pag sunod sunod na projects na ang inabot ko sa college. No! Not gonna happen!

I am so happy na hindi ko na iintindihin to at makakafocus na ako sa midterms. Dad made a promise to help me out whenever he is free hut he also agreed for me to get a tutor. Maaga akong natulog that night at napakaganda ng disposition ko kinaumagahan.

“I’m sorry I have to go early, your tito asked me to come with him in Makati for a client visit and I have to get your mom fresh flowers before I leave. You take care at school, hmm? “ He said before he leaned forward to kiss my forehead pagkatapos ibaba ang tasa ng kape. Akala ko pa naman magsasabay kaming kumain. I smiled sadly. It’s mommy’s death anniversary next week.

I nodded unwillingly “Take care, dad. I love you.”

“I love you more. I’ll leave now, finish your breakfast, princess.” He tapped my head before he stormed out of our dining area.

I was eating my breakfast when my phone beeped for a chat notification. It’s from kuya Anton.

“Good morning, Reina.” Uhm.. good morning din?

“Good morning kuya, what’s up?”

I don’t know why I suddenly got chills. This is weird. Hindi naman siya palachat. What now? I remember his murderous stare when he saw Amiel and I in his bedroom. I don’t know what’s with him.

And while I anticipate his response, nairita lang ako sa message bubble na magaappear at mawawala din. I don’t want to wait for his reply if it’s not urgent so I continued eating.

“I just want to apologize.” I finally saw his reply popped out.

“About what happened the other night. Natapos mo ba ang homework mo?” Pahabol niyang mensahe.

My lips parted in awe. I didn’t know what to respond. Okay.

Nakita ko ulit ang message bubble pero agad ding nawala. I inhaled deeply before I started typing my reply.

“Morning. Yup! It’s okay kuya. Tinulungan ako ni daddy kagabi.”

“Alright. That’s good.”

“Nagbreakfast kana ba? Take care at school, Reina.”

Magkasunod niyang reply. Why are you some sort of police? I pouted my lips.

“Nagbibreakfast na po. Thank you! You too!” I sent my reply.

“Thank you. I will.” He said. I thought our conversation ended, pero ng tumayo na ako ay tumunog ulit ang phone ko.

“If you need help with your homework, I’m available.”

Hanggang sa banyo, nakatuon ang tingin ko sa screen ng phone ko habang nagtutoothbrush. It’s a good offer.. considering that I asked dad to get me a tutor, but why do I feel like it’s not the right thing to do? Saan ko naman nakuha ang pakiramdam na iyon?

“If that’s okay with you.” that’s his last message. My heart is beating so fast and I don’t know why.

I am so bothered na kahit sa sasakyan ay tahimik ako.

“Aren’t you busy with work?” I can’t help but get curious. I know he just wanted to help me out. Kuya Anton has been kind to me. But didn’t he got a project abroad? So he should be busy.

My lips were parted in awe when I saw his swift response. I left him on seen earlier and yet nakareply agad siya ng magchat ako.

“I have full control of my time. Let me know if you need help with anything. I’ll gladly help you.”

I sent a like button and my thanks ng makababa ng sasakyan pagkadating sa school. Hindi ko na napansin kung nagreply pa ba si kuya Anton dahil on time dumating ang teacher namin kaya nagfocus nalang ako sa discussion.

“Sssh! It’s starting!” Sita ni Penelope sa pinsan dahil ayaw nitong maupo at tili ng tili sa kakacheer kayna Amiel at sa mga kateam niyang lalaki.

After our lunch break, our teacher confirmed that there will be no classes from her today so we have the luxury to watch Amiel’s basketball game for support against the other senior’s strands.

Midterms na next week kaya this week ang sports fest to give way for the students to prepare for the examinations.

Reason why hindi din kami masyado nagkikita ni Amiel sa school dahil busy siya sa varsity. Kung sakali man, nakabuntot naman sakanya ang bruha niyang girlfriend na siyang tili din ng tili sa mas mababang bleachers malapit sa court. I rolled my eyes. Feeling mo you’ll last? You wish!

Hinihingal si Pierce na umupo sa gitna namin ni Penn at malandi akong tinapik sa braso. “Te, ayaw mo ba diyan kay De Guzman ng STEM? Ang hot din niyan oh! Open-minded daw yan sagap ko, oh pwede sa trans!” Nanunudyong bulong nito sakin na agad ko namang tinanggihan. Marami siyang lalaking sinisipat sa court.

“Err, no thanks, Pierce. Sayo nalang.” Naiiling at nangingiwi kong sabi. The guy from a star section is indeed handsome but he is just not my type. Typical cassanova. Eh babaero din daw iyan ah?

“Osige, hanap tayo ng iba. Kesa iyang prince charming mong papalit palit ng babae. No no! Di deserve!” Galit na galit talaga ito kay Amiel at halos masuka nalang siya kapag sinasabi ko noon na we might get married in the future. He would always say that I deserve so much better.

I don’t want to be that bothered. Maybe, it’s just his phase. At least that’s how I want to justify it. Malay mo, kapag nagpaSRS nako eh tumigil siya sa pambabae, yes? My demons can only hope, can’t they?

The game went out and the crowd went berserk. Kanya kanyang manok na chinecheer.  As much as I want to join the feud, I stayed calm and focus my eyes at Amiel, who is now sweaty, yet still handsome, he is still making points at natatambakan ang kalaban kahit nasisita siya ng referee kanina.

My lips were parted in admiration ng maramdaman ko ang pagvibrate ng phone ko sa bag. I fished it out and saw… a new chat message from kuya Anton.

“Did you already take your lunch? What did you eat?”

Prior to that, I also saw another message from earlier thanking me and asking me to let him know if I need help with my academics. He is smart and he topped the board alright.

With brows now furrowed but lips still apart, I typed in my reply. “Yup. Just some salad with Pierce and Penn. I’m on a diet.”

My eyes glued to Amiel once more when my phone beeped after a few seconds.

“Uhuh. You are using your phone. Are you in class? Am I disturbing you?” He asked.

Unknowingly, I am telling him of my whereabouts. “Nope. I’m free til 3PM. Just watching your brother’s basketball game.”

“Ay sorry! Sinong katext mo ba?” Puna ni Pierce ng binalik ko ang phone sa bag at mabangga niya ang braso ko sa kagaslawan kakatili sa mga lalaking manlalaro. Ganun din naman ang pinsan niya sa kabilang banda niya na tumitili din.

Tipid lang akong umiling. Not important.

Bumaling ang tingin ko sa court at parang tumigil ang mundo ko ng nakitang nakatingin sa gawi ko si Amiel. Suplado ang tingin at hinihingal.

“I love you, babe! So galing!” Malanding sigaw ni Clarisse sa ilang hilera ng bleachers makababa ko.

Right… It’s her. I almost assumed that he is staring at me.

The game ended and Amiel’s team won. Tahimik at namumula ang mukha ni Penn ng makalabas kami dahil siguro sa init sa loob ng court. Our next remaining hours were spent in our classroom dahil may susunod pa kaming klase.

I am already at home when kuya Anton checked on me. It went on for days. He seems curious and chatty. I thought it’s a normal conversation even though he never spoke to me this way, like consistently greeting me in the morning and at night, or asking for my whereabouts. I didn’t give any meaning to it. Should I?

What confuses me is that this connection I felt we have, and reason for me to even confidently tell him my whereabouts without questioning why he is asking in the first place. And to my surprise, for me to lie.. when people are asking who I’m talking to.

“Who are you texting?” Dad, in his menacing voice, asked me with forehead creased when he noticed my eyes are glued to my phone one time we are having our dinner. May tinapos kaming activity sa school kaya nagextend talaga kami at pasado alas syete nako nakauwi at siya naman around eight forty five. Nasa kalagitnaan ako ng dinner ng pumasok siya ng dining area at sinaluhan akong kumain.

Agad kong binaba ang phone ko at tinaob ang screen sa mesa. Umiiling.

“Uhh.. sina.. Pierce lang d-dad. About sa late activity namin.. k-kanina.”

It’s just a normal conversation. Just a brotherly concern. Nothing special about it but why do I feel the need.. to hide it? Especially to dad?

Why does it seem like we are the only ones who should know that we are communicating… this way?

He glanced at my phone for seconds before he sighed and continue eating. Tapos na ako at inuubos nalang ang aking dessert.

“T-Thank you, dad, for joining me. Buti maaga ka po.. nakauwi?” I probed to change the topic.

“Yes. I was out early in the office by six but I visited your mom so. It’s good na naabutan kita. Matt told me you went home late today?” I saw him shrugged and raised a brow without looking at me. He is just staring at his plate but I know he is watching me. I swallowed hard. We had something to do at school. But why do I feel pressured of answering his question? Eh totoo naman iyon?

“Uhh.. m-may tinapos po kasing late activity. A-Ayaw na nila na patagalin just so we can focus on midterms next week.. so we extended. We were at the library po, dad.”

“Uhuh. And you guys are not done yet? You can’t focus with your food just so you can chat with them.” His eyes drifted at me this time and I felt all the hair in my body rise.

Halos sabay pa kaming mapalingon sa phone ko ng marinig ko ang ugong ng pagvibrate noon sa mesa. I know he heard it too. Scared of touching it as if I got caught with something, I glanced at dad’s way, only that he is already staring at me with his usual ruthless gaze.

“Uhh. Y-yes. Tapos na. May cinonfirm lang po.. dad.”

Uminom ako ng tubig at tumayo na. Dad is watching my every move. “Akyat na po ako dad.”

Saka ko lang narealize ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko na siya ring halos huminto ng madinig ko ang boses niya.

“Reina.” His low growl echoed to the dining area. Mabilis akong lumingon.

He sighed. “Good night.”

Napasinghap ako at dahan dahang lumapit sakanya. I crouched to kiss his cheek. “Good night, daddy.” The latter just curtly nodded to went back to eating.

Sa paghakbang ko sa grand staircase ay nabasa ko ang reply ni kuya Anton.

“Im having my dinner too. Finish your dessert so you can wash up and rest.” He said with a smiling emoji. My heart is pounding so hard. It’s been like this for days. I don’t even know how to explain why.

Kabanata 4

He is just concern. He is Amiel’s brother after all. But for him to order me around, though I can see the intention is good.. feels weird to me.

I was labeled the “Montecarlo princess.” Granddaughter of the well-known Anna Felicia Montecarlo. They thought I’d likely follow her footsteps in helping other people, but no. I didn’t even participate to any charity events hosted by our family through the years of my existence, not even once. Sa tanang buhay ko, dalawang beses lang din ata akong nakapunta ng Angel Haven. All I think about is to keep up with the trend of the new shoes and bags from famous brands for me to have the latest designer pieces.

So for kuya Anton to just order me around.. like finishing my food and taking a bath.. to not go home late or to not use my phone when in class.. sounded really weird. Daig pa niya si daddy kung pagsabihan ako ng dapat gawin. But what made me feel so stupid is that I thought I’d be offended for him ruling over me… I thought I would say none of your business or don’t boss me around..  but I didn’t. Instead.. I either say yes to him or left him on seen because I don’t know how to respond. I read his last message and all I felt was the butterflies in my stomach raging a war I didn’t know they are capable of. I keep on staring at my reflection in my bathroom mirror and I am so flushed. Pulang pula ang pisngi ko at bumibigat din ang paghinga ko dahil sa sobrang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko. What the hell is happening to me?

Come the next day and I’m starting to get awkward with kuya Anton. Hindi pa ako nagrereply sakanya simula kagabi but I can see his messages on my notifications. Nilolong press ko nalang din ang chat niya.

“Baks! Nood tayo movie! It’s a Saturday!” Si Pierce na kinukulit ako keaga aga sa facetime.

To be honest, I just want to stay at home. Ayokong lumabas. Ayaw ko ding makakita ng tao. I’m just.. bored yet too lazy to do anything.

“I dunno, bakla. Sabihan kita mamaya if lalabas ako.”

Pierced groaned and I saw him rolled over his bed. “We can go shopping after? Libre moko.” He giggled. I rolled my eyes at him, hindi nadin napigilan mangisi.

“Later. I’m not in the mood to go out, you know. Aren’t we suppose to review for midterms next week?” Nanunuya kong tanong sa kaibigan.

“Sus! We can review tomorrow. Sa library din makakareview tayo next week dahil may gaps naman ang sched natin. Focus at one subject at a time ganun. Duh! Tara na kasi! You are lucky I’m just asking for a lunch out and a movie date. Dapat nga nagbabar tayo! Kastress ang exams!” He exhaled deeply in frustration.

I wanted to stay in the four corners of my room. To think.. about what is going on and what is this I’m feeling. But I think I like that idea too.

“Bakit di nalang nga tayo magbar?” I suggested and I saw his eyes balled out from the screen.

“You sure? We can! Pero papayag ba si tito Rico?” He seems excited yet hesitant to ask me.

I know. We almost had a row last night. Kung magpapaalam ako.. hindi ko alam kung papayagan ako… na magbar.

“May ganap kaba tonight?”

“Yes! Meron! Nagyaya sina Kylie pero saglit lang siya kasi daw tatakas lang siya. Kasama natin si Penn at ibang classmates. You know medyo inom ng pasweet. You can just say we will study for midterms or something?”

I can pero nakakatakot magpalusot kay dad. He has his eyes and ears for me. Minsan na akong nagpalusot noon ng gumala kami nina Pierce at galit na galit siya ng umuwi ako ng late sa napagusapan.

Well.. I was fifteen at that time. I am of legal age now.

“I’ll.. let you know. Susubukan kong magpaalam. Saan ba?” Curious, I asked. I am then decided to go to a bar rather than studying for midterms. Procrastinating at its finest!

Maybe a night out is fine? Just a couple of shots. I’m eighteen anyway. Stress na nga ako sa studies, stress pa ako.. sa kung ano itong bumabagabag sakin nitong mga nakaraan.

Maybe I just need more attention? No. I don’t need any validation nor attention from anyone. I don’t tend to be flattered when someone cares or shower me with sweet words. Dad loves me so much and I was never deprived of love and attention from the family but with other people… hindi din naman ah? I have friends. Not many but enough. I have admirers too. Ganito din naman ang mga chinachat nila pero bat di naman ako ganito kaOA magreact? Ugh!

I don’t know. My suitors can be persuasive at ganito din naman ang usual na nababasa o naririnig ko sakanila.. but it felt nothing. With kuya Anton, why is this..

Siguro dahil wala ako masyadong ganitong interaction with Amiel? Kaya naninibago ako… I want him to casually talk to me like this, even as friends. To build connection and casual relationship.. but it just doesn’t happen. And for me getting thoughtful messages with kuya Anton… I guess I’m just overwhelmed. Maybe I’m just comparing what if si Amiel ang ganito at hindi si kuya Anton? Hindi kaya?

“Good morning! What are your plans for today?” I woke up with his chat earlier before talking to Pierce. I heaved a deep sigh this early in the morning. What should I do? Para akong turumpo sa kama sa kakaikot.

Baka naman assuming lang ako? Why am I even making this a big deal anyway? He is like a brother to me and for me to give malice to his concern thru his chats… is wrong. It’s so bad.

I just don’t understand why I am so bothered about it! For one, he never checks on me. Nito lang naman kaya ako nagtataka. Nagchachat lang kami noon kapag bumabati ng birthday or holidays. Pero ngayon na mayat maya at araw-araw.. is something wrong? Am I in trouble or something?

“Good morning kuya. Nothing much. I might go out with my classmates later. I have to ask dad pa.”

To save myself from my weird thoughts, I genuinely replied without thinking of anything malicious. That’s the truth anyway. Hindi ko pa sure kung papayagan ako ni dad sa plano ni Pierce. And if he just asked to check on me like a dear brother then I guess it should be fine. No malice at all. Gosh what am I even thinking?!

Dad is with me during lunch. Kakauwi niya lang from Santa Mayor. Pinapalinis niya ang puntod ni mommy and ni lola.

“Are you going out today?” He asked when his eyes darted at me. Shoot!

I hardly swallowed and I had to drink water para lang malulon ang kinain. “I uhh.. I might go out… with my classmates.”

“Uhuh. Where?”

Should I say it? No!

“Uhm. I don’t.. know yet. Probably movies.. kakain din… we might… also have group study.. later tonight.” Hindi ko napigilang itaas ang kilay sa pagobserba ng reaksyon ni dad. Mataman siyang nanonood sakin.

“Hmm. Does that mean you will be home late?”

I sighed. “Siguro po dad. Hindi pa naman po sure. Baka iba din ang maging plano namin… mamaya.”

He nodded slowly. “Alright. You take care. Make sure you are home by ten.”

Ten? Eh baka kakadating lang namin sa bar non?

“Uhm.. I’ll check dad.. titignan ko pa.. ang plano nina Pierce.”

His brows furrowed and glanced my way again. “Why? Saan ba talaga kayo pupunta?”

I was startled and I couldn’t think of the best excuse. “H-Hindi pa po sure.. about sa group study.. pwedeng tuloy.. or plano ata nila na overnight.”

“We have guestrooms. Your classmates are welcome to stay here. Dito nalang kayo Ria.”

I know you’re gonna say that. I sighed.

“But.. I want to go out.. I’m eighteen… am I still not allowed to do sleepovers?”

Pout your lips more Ria.. beautiful eyes pa.

Daddy sighed. “I’m not comfortable with the idea. If you want, dito mo patulugin ang mga kaklase mo. I don’t mind. As long as they’re all girls.” Nakataas na ang isang kilay niya sa akin.

“But we all are! And Pierce is gay. You know that right? Safe naman doon sakanila-”

“Matt will be with you if you really want to go out with your friends. I want you home by ten. That’s final, Reina. About your tutor, my secretary found you one. She will start next week.”

Tsk. Kakainis! Sleepover yan for group study. What more if I tell him I’m going to a bar tonight? I don’t really have a night life ha!

And about that… tutor thing.. I kind of agreed to be tutored by kuya Anton. Did I make the wrong decision?

I sighed in defeat. “Alright dad. Thanks. Pero midterms na namin next week. So yung coverage ng exams po muna ang aaralin ko.”

“Ano? Pinayagan ka?” Si Pierce. It’s two o’clock in the afternoon and magkafacetime kaming tatlo ng pinsan niya.

“I don’t know pa. Pumayag siya kasi sabi ko magstudy at movies lang. I need to be home by ten. That’s what he said.”

Penn sighed. “You should have told tito Rico the truth, Ria. You can come next time naman if ever. Ako ang natatakot sayo. If he gets mad for sure damay kami-”

“Ano kaba cuz! That’s okay! Minsan lang to no! We can just say sorry to tito Rico and promise not to do it again diba bakla? Ano?” Kinikilig na sabat ni Pierce. Napairap ako sa kawalan. Ang baklang to.. nasang nasa kay daddy lalo na kapag daw nagagalit. Just like the last time.

“Kadiri ka bakla. Tumigil ka nga.” Nangingiwing sita ko. Humalakhak lang ang inggrata.

“I heard Amiel will be there. Pero varsity ata ang kasama niya. Did you know na wala na sila ni Clarisse?” I pursed my lips as Penelope caught my full attention. Mukhang hindi din alam ni Pierce dahil bahagyang nanlaki ang mata niya.

“Oh well. Ano pabang aasahan niyo. Edi natapos din ang pagmamataas ng bruhang babaeng iyon! For sure haggard yun next week! Hahaha.” Pierce just shrugged it off.

“Is he.. dating someone?” I can’t help hut asked. I’m always curious kung sino na ang dinedate niya o kung bakit sila nagbibreak.

“I uhh… I don’t know… pero baka may bago.” Penn’s voice shook. A bit unsure. I sighed.

Well. Kung sino man yan. Just like the rest, hindi rin magtatagal. I smirk evilly on the back of my mind.

“Hah! If I know nagsawa yan sa maluwag na pechay ni Clarisse! Pokpok na iyon wala pang college para ng karinderyang pinagpasahan ng varsity team!” Panlalait naman ni Pierce na kinangiwi ni Penelope.

“Grabe ka naman.. I’m sure she was also hurt.. I’m sure she likes Amiel.”

“Well who doesn’t, cuz? Gwapo naman siya in all fairness. Pero I don’t know why girls are flocking over him e he’s a literal fuckboy! Parang di natatakot sa dinadanas ng ibang babaeng nagdaan sakanya.”

I agree. That’s why I am not that bothered when it comes to that. I didn’t even try to compete. Again, I believe it’s just a phase. There’s a high chance that we still ended up together anyway.

But would I want a kind of man like that? I don’t know.

“Kaya nga ikaw Ria sabe ko sayo dun kana kay De Guzman! At least pinaghihirapan itago na babaero siya. Saka malakas talaga ang kutob ko na daks siya mhie! Kita mo ba ang bakat ng jersey shorts niya? Bukol!”

“And why would I care about that?”

“Duh! Experience nga! Sabe ko sayo kapag natry mo-”

Hindi na niya natapos ang sinasabi dahil parehas namin siyang inawat ni Penn. Halos magmura siya sa gc ng parehas namin siyang babaan sa video call.

Pierce is no longer a virgin. Minor pa siya ng una daw siyang nakablowjob. It was… a fucking security ng mall. Nagshoshopping daw siya ng kindatan siya ng guard tapos siya naman binigay ang number niya.

Halos masabunutan siya ni Penelope ng kinwento niya ang experience niya samin. Kaya nga siya ang nagtuturo samin ng gagawin kapag nagexplore na kami. Both Penn and I are still virgins. I may have wild thoughts but I just couldn’t do it.

I feel like I want to do it to the man I love. To… I don’t know. Hindi ko pa naeexperience kahit ang magmahal. Kaya nga gusto ko na magkaboyfriend para masubukan ko. It’s just that… wala akong nagugustuhan sa mga nagkakagusto sakin.

Primitive.. as what Pierce say. Somehow he has a point. Sa generation namin, bihira na ang conservative and bodycount is not gonna be an issue na. Mga schoolmates nga namin eh mga liberated. At hindi daw dapat kami matakot magexplore because we should acknowledge that we have our own worldly needs that we often need to fulfill.

“I’m not a bad influence. It’s the truth!” Tanda kong katwiran niya samin.

I’m just torn of being curious of doing it for the sake of experience and trying my best to preserve myself.. to the man I will love and marry.

Si mommy kaya.. was dad her first time? She’s a trans alright.. but was she curious too when she was my age? Did she explore?

I had to leave the house at around four in the afternoon just so it would be convincing to daddy na manonood ng sine at magrereview nga kami for midterms. Kung padilim nako aalis.. magdududa siya.

“What movie are you going to watch?” Napairap ako sa tanong ni daddy ng hinatid niya ako sa garage. When will your questions stop, daddy? I never knew you are an investigator of some sort.

Lumingon ako sakanya at nakahalukipkip itong nakatitig sakin ng madilim. I sighed and still tiptoed to kiss his cheek.

“Still dunno dad. I’ll ask Pierce later. Don’t tell me you are coming to the movies?” Panunuya kong balik.

“Just make sure na manonood ka lang ng sine Reina.”

“I uhh.. well.. I told you.. m-magrereview din kami for midterms!” I was taken aback by his accusation that I stuttered. Fuck!

He scoffed at nilingunan si Matt na agad tumayo ng tuwid sa likod niya. Hindi pa nakakapasok ng SUV.

“Alas diyes, Matthew.”

My poor bodyguard nodded like a good puppy. “Copy, sir. Alis na po kami.”

Si daddy na ang nagbukas ng backseat at hinalikan ako sa noo pagkapasok ko. “Take care, princess. Call me if you need anything.”

“O-Okay. You don’t have work?” Bigla kong natanong.

He sighed. “It’s a Saturday, princess. I might go visit your mom again since you are out at mag-isa lang ako sa bahay.”

Agad naman akong nakonsensya. I want to bond with him so much but he has little time. Ngayon nalang siya nasa bahay.. aalis pa ako.. I even lied to where I am going.

“Is something wrong?” Daddy called my attention. I didn’t realize I am staring at him too much.

“W-Well.. you are not technically alone. You have manang Lupe.. and the other househelpers… and the gardener.. and and the bodyguards-” I am panicking with my overwhelming thoughts. Should I stay at home instead? But I already said yes to Pierce and daddy allowed me to go.. ugh!

He chuckled. “Alright. Alright. You enjoy your day. I’ll close the door. Ten o’clock, Reina. Don’t go anywhere else.” Dad said curtly at sinara na ang pintuan ng SUV.

Sa bahay kami nina Pierce pupunta dahil gusto niyang mamaya pa kami aalis. Gusto sana ni Penn na sa bahay nalang nila pero tumanggi na si Pierce. Gusto niyang mag-ayos na daw kaming dalawa.

I am wearing the Gucci dress I bought recently. I knew it would come in handy. It look so youthful na parang ang bait bait ko at mag-aaral talaga. But in my bag, I have a different dress for our night out. I have my purse, pero nilagay ko din sa car ang bag ko for school dahil sinabi ko nga na magrereview ako. What dad didn’t know is that puro bath essentials, makeup and my dress I am wearing at the bar later tonight ang laman non.

Nakarating kami sa bahay ni Pierce at nandun na din si Penn. Their house looks cozy and clean. He is on the middle-class side of Penelope’s family. Both his parents are working a corporate job and very welcoming to me too. Solong anak lang din si Pierce kaya kahit hindi tanggap ang sexuality niya nung una ay suportado padin siya nina tito at tita.

“Naku magandang hapon, Ria! Mabuti nakabisita ka! Kumain kana ba? May luto akong banana cue.” Ngiting ngiting salubong sakin ng mama ni Pierce.

“Hello tita. I know right. Aalis lang po with Pierce.” Bumeso pa ako kay tita Patricia.

“Oh siya halika dali pasok ka! Pasensya kana sa bahay namin!” I smiled and removed my shoes when I entered their home. She is always humble with their house pero maganda naman ito. Hindi malaking mansyon but it’s good. It’s a two-story residential house.

“Baks! Ano yang suot mo? Magbaba-”

“Good afternoon too.. Pierce.” I hissed at him at pinanlakihan ko siya ng mata. He is comfortable speaking inside his house dahil pinapayagan din naman siya minsang gumimik pero nasa likod ko kasi si Matt at mabubuko ang totoong plano namin!

“Ooh yeah tara te akyat tayo! Dun na tayo kumain sa kwarto ko.” Nangingising sabi ni bakla.

“Mmm! Punyeta ka lagi mo akong binubukayo bakla ka!” Batok ko sakanya ng makapasok kami ng kwarto niya. Humalakhak lang ang bakla at nilapag ang plato ng banana cue sa study table.

“Sorry na okay? Ikaw naman kasi bat ganyan ang suot mo? Eh para ka namang aattend ng birthday niyan e. Dapat yung pasexy!”

“I know! You don’t have to tell me that! Andyan sa bag ko ang damit ko bruha!” Asik ko.

Penelope giggled. Nakahilata siya sa kama ni Pierce at kinakalikot ang ipad.

“Kung sa bahay nalang kasi tayo Pierce.. hindi na namin kailangan magbaon ng gamit pampalit.” Komento nito.

“You’re already wearing makeup, Penn. Got a date tonight?” I asked smirking, I am amused to see her fixing herself. Hindi siya palamake-up dahil medyo nerdy kasi siya. Maybe because of her eyeglasses but what she is wearing somehow made her look more mature.

Her skin complexion is good. Not too fair and not too tan. Si Pierce, moreno kasi nagmana kay tito.

“I uhh.. I just tried it. M-Mommy asked me to..” nahihiyang sabi niya at bahagya pang namula. Malikot ang mata niya at hindi makatingin sakin.

“For sure nirereto kana ni tita Jocelyn! Who’s that guy? Bat kasi ayaw mong magkwento!” Si Pierce na dumadaing sa pinsan habang nakaupo sa tapat ng vanity mirror niya.

“You like someone?” I can’t help but get curious too ng umupo sa gilid ng kama.

“Ano ba kayo wala no! Hindi rin ako nirereto ni mommy. It’s just… she wanted me to try wearing makeup… t-that’s all.” Penn sounded so defensive kaya lalo lang siyang inasar ni Pierce.

In all honesty, nagreview naman talaga kami kahit papano lalo na sa Business Math na alam kong magpapasabog ng utak ko. Thursday pa iyon pero gusto kong magreview ng mas maaga.

“Now our challenge is paano tayo magpapahatid sa bar. Makikita ng bodyguard mo and worse ireport agad kay tito Rico.” Si Pierce na minamassage ang sheet mask sa mukha habang nakatitig sa salamin.

Nauna nakong naligo dahil sabi nila ay napakabagal ko daw kumilos. Sunod si Pierce at ngayon naman si Penelope na nagbibihis na ata sa loob ng banyo.

“I don’t know! Gawan nalang natin ng paraan! Sakin makikinig yun takot niya lang.” I said half-heartedly. He is loyal to our family at anak siya ni tito Matias na malapit naman kay dad. If anything happens, I know he will report it immediately to daddy. Nakakainis!

Sabay ng pag-iisip ko ay parehas kaming napalingon ni Pierce ng lumabas si Penelope sa banyo… na nakabody hugging backless silk dress.

“Ay shuta! Sinong pokpok ka?” Halos batuhin siya ng twalya ni Penn. Natawa ako.

“You prepared so much for tonight ha? I don’t see you wearing that kind of dress. Don’t tell me may crush ka dun sa pupuntahan natin?” Panunuya ko naman sa kaibigan. Namula lang siya at umiling.

I am wearing a black halter neck with a-line cut dress. It’s tight and it’s low back. Hindi ako masyadong nagmake-up but I put on a bold matt red lipstick that highlighted my fair complexion.

“Magcontacts kana. Ambaduy mo talaga! Nakaganyan kang dress tapos suot suot mo yang salamin mo. Not a perfect combination!” Litanya ni Pierce kay Penelope habang nagsusuot na ako ng pumps. Nakanet shirt si pierce na pinatungan niya ng pink na coat tapos ay black jeans.

“Saan kayo pupunta Peter at ganyan ang mga suot niyo? Kapag napahamak itong sina Ria ha-”

“Diyan lang dad. Don’t worry hindi kami malilate ng uwi!” Putol nito kay tito na nakaupo sa sala at nagbabasa ng dyaryo. Agad itong bumaling samin ng mapansin kaming bumaba ng hagdan. Kunot naman ang noo ni Matthew sa tabi niya. I chuckled internally.

“Bwisit. Ang aga nating rarampa ha. Mamaya pa ata ang mga boys pano na iyan!” Di matapos na hinaing ni Pierce. It’s seven thirty in the evening at gagayak na kami. Sasama akong magbar but I have limitations. Kailangan kong makauwi by ten or else I’m dead.

“Saan po tayo Ms. Ria?” Litong tanong ni Matt. Halos malaglag ang panga nito ng sabihin ni Pierce kung saan at umupo na sa passenger seat.

“Magbabar kami Matt. Let’s go.” I instructed my bodyguard na natigilan. Penn is in the backseat.

“Pero ma’am.. ang alam po ni engineer ay-”

“Oh shut it! The clock is ticking and I need to be home by ten. Ako na ang magsasabe kay daddy so you need to keep your mouth shut. Do you understand?”

Kita ko ang pagdilim ng tingin ng aking bodyguard habang nakatayo siya sa labas ng pinto sa side ko. “Magagalit po sa atin ang daddy niyo Ms. Ria. Sabihin ko nalang po na ihaha-”

“Not if you will tell him and ruin my plan! Don’t you dare! Ano ba aalis ba tayo o hindi? We will book a grab kung hindi mo kami ihahatid. I have a curfew Matt.” I greeted my teeth. If I need to be a bitch para lang matuloy to then so be it. You should fear me more, Matthew.

He exhaled deeply before going into the driver’s seat at nagsimulang magmaneho. Umupo ako at sinara ang pintuan. Tahimik lang ang dalawa at nakita kong binaba ni Pierce ang sun visor at tumingin sa repleksyon ko mula doon.

“Gosh you really are scary. One bad bitch.” He said before laughing hysterically. Bugnot naman ang itsura ni Matt sa tabi niya. I rolled my eyes and watched the city lights. I need this. I need to clear my head. From the pressure from taking midterms… and with…

Tumunog ang phone ko para sa isang chat notification. Halos mapairap ako ulit dahil may hinala ako kung sino.

“Busy? What are you doing?” I read kuya Anton’s message.

Sinabi ko kaninang aalis kami nina Pierce pero hindi ko sinabing magbabar kami. I sighed before typing in my reply.

“Yes. I was reviewing for midterms earlier. May pupuntahan lang kami nina Pierce bago ako umuwi.”

Weird daw. Pero reply naman ng reply. I groaned. I don’t know with you, Reina Ariane!

It’s just me. Wala namang kakaiba sa mga chat niya. Maayos naman iyon. Ako lang itong pinapalaki ito. Nagmumukha ko siyang bodyguard na inaalam lahat ng galaw ko.

Maybe he’s bored. Don’t you have work? You should get yourself a girlfriend. Iyong beauty queen na pinakilala sayo perhaps. Para may iba kang pinagkakaabalahan at hindi ako ang chinachat ng chinachat mo every day.

“Stay here. I promised dad I’ll be home by ten. Just.. shut your mouth and don’t ruin my night!” Bilin ko kay Matt ng nakadating kami sa parking area ng bar. Plano niya pading pumasok sa loob kaya wala din akong nagawa at hinayaan nalang siya. He is standing around the corner, tight-lipped and eyes like a hawk.

“Spill the tea! Ano daw nangyari?” Agad na usisa ni Pierce kay Kylie ng dumating ang shots namin. Nakaupo kami sa isang pabilog na couch at may round table sa gitna kung saan may drinks and finger foods.

“Basta I heard from Clarisse’s classmate na split na nga daw. Tapos umiyak si ate girl at nagdeactivate pa ata ng IG.” Kwento ni Kylie habang ngumunguya.

I downed two shots of tequila and stared at my phone. Nakabukas ang convo namin ni kuya Anton.

“It’s late. Where are you guys going?”

Pake mo? I want to say. But I don’t want to be rude. Maybe he is just nosy. Or maybe.. hah!

“But he is not dating anyone new yet, is he?” I heard Penelope asked.

Siguro alam niyang split na si Amiel at Clarisse kaya chinecheck niya kung ano ang ginagawa ko? Don’t worry. I am very single and available kuya.

“That I’m not sure. Pero ano bang bago diyan kay Amiel. Lagi naman iyang may bagong babae. For sure may bago na iyang kachat.” I heard Sammie responded.

Hindi ko mapigilang mangisi. Halos mabatukan ko pa ang sarili sa panghuhusga. Baka nga nagiimbestiga lang si kuya kung may boyfriend ba ako o kung ano ang ginagawa ko for Amiel di kaya?

But if he is single.. bakit kaya hindi nalang siya ang magchat sakin? Or baka naman nga… may bago na siyang kausap?

“Namumula kana. Lasing kana agad cuz?” Ani Pierce.

“H-Hindi. Naiinitan lang ako… I-I’m still good..” sagot naman ni Penelope.

“We are in a bar. De-stressing lang prior to midterms.” I sent my reply.

Haynako Amiel. Your family is exhausting all their efforts para lang magkamabutihan tayo tapos ikaw kung sino sino nalang ang babae. Tsk.

Mag aalas nwebe ng dumating ang mga boys. May mga dumagdag sa table namin at mayroon namang bukod. Gaya nina Amiel na nasa isa ding couch kasama ng varsity team.

“Birthday ng isang kateam nila. Tara sayaw tayo! Bat ba cellphone ka ng cellphone bakla?” Hatak sakin ni Pierce. I can feel the kick of tequila but I’m still sober. Maingay na din ang mesa namin dahil sunod sunod ang shots lalo pa at humalo ang mga lalakeng kaklase.

“Alright. Let’s go. Penn you in?”

“Uhh no.. I’ll.. w-wait here.” Pulang pula ang mukha niya at nakaupo ng tuwid sa couch. I shrugged at nagpatianod na kay Pierce.

Sinabayan ko ang paggrind niya at parehas kaming napahiyaw ng magpalit ng music ang DJ. May iba ding nakikipagsayaw samin. Malapit kami sa mismong bar nagsasayaw at inaya ako ni Pierce na pumunta sa bandang gitna ng dance floor.

“I didn’t know you are here.” I heard a guy whispered behind me.

Lumingon ako at nakita ko si Clyde. Varsity ng STEM na kalaban nina Amiel.

“Well now you know.” Nilingon ko si Pierce pero hindi ko na siya nakita.

I heard Clyde chuckled. “I don’t think we were formally introduced. I’m Clyde De Guzman. Nice to meet you.” He flashed his pearly white teeth. Ngumisi lang ako ng hilaw.

“Nice to meet you too. But I need to find my friend. Excuse me-”

“Hayaan mo na ang kaibigan mo. You can continue dancing. I’ll keep you company-”

“Back the fuck off, Clyde.” I heard Amiel’s low growl. Umigting lang ang panga ni Clyde at tinitigan si Amiel. Don’t tell me magkakainitan pa kayo dito?

Umiiling na umalis ang huli at pumalit sa pwesto niya si Amiel.

“What.. just what the fuck are you wearing?” I can hear his voice thundered kahit anlakas ng background music.

“Why? I’m in a bar. Are you expecting me to wear pajamas?” Asik ko pabalik. I think I’m drunk. I should go back to our table.

“Bumalik na tayo sa mesa niyo.” Marahas niyang hinila ang braso ko pabalik sa mesa namin. Napahawak ako sa dibdib dahil sa hindi malamang damdamin. Pero ganun nalang ang takot ko ng…

“Fuck! My necklace!” I panicked at mabilis na umikot para tignan ang sahig.

“What?” I heard Amiel.

“My necklace! It’s gone! Shit!” Nilakad ko ang pwesto ko kanina at halos mabunggo na ng mga tao sa dance floor dahil bahagya akong nakatungo para tignan ang sahig. I lost mommy’s necklace! What the fuck!

“Ria!” I heard Amiel called me pero patuloy lang ako sa paghahanap. Shit! Shit! Shit! I need to find it! Lagot ako kay daddy!

“What are you doing?” I heard a deep baritone voice behind me. I didn’t pay attention as I am extremely panicking. Hindi ako makakauwi ng wala iyon! Paano kung nasipa na sa kung saan?

Kailan ko ba nawala? Hindi ko naramdamang hindi ko na suot iyon. Mahigpit ang hawak ko sa bangle ko. Hindi ko pwedeng mawala ang alahas ni mommy. Baka sa cr? Nung umihi ako?

Akmang lalakad ako patungong cr ng may pamilyar na haplos akong naramdaman sa braso ko. May mainit at magaspang na kamay na kumapit sakin.

“Reina.” I glanced at the man and I saw.. kuya Anton.

“Kuya! Please help me! My necklace.. nawawala ang necklace ni mommy!” Naghihisterya kong sumbong. The latter sighed and searched the floor.

“Stay at the bar. I’ll help you find it.”

Hapos manginig ako. Luminga ako sa buong bar at wala si Matt. Wala siya sa gilid malapit sa table namin. Saan iyon nagpunta?

Halos paulit ulit akong mapahilamos habang tumatakbo ang oras. It’s nine thirty. Dad is probably looking for me!

Ilang saglit pa ay agad kong sinalubong si kuya Anton ng makawala siya sa crowd at lumakad papunta sa direksyon ko. Halos makahinga ako ng maluwag ng makita ang makinang niyang hawak. Thank God!

“Thank you! Thank you kuya! Where did you find it?”

“I didn’t. Narinig kong may nagtanong kung kanino iyan. Ibubulsa na sana kaya kinuha ko agad.”

Shit. I thought I lost it. I’m sorry mommy. I’ve been careless.

“Thank you. I need to go. Excuse me.”

“Sasamahan na kita-”

“No need. I can handle myself. Why are you here anyway?” Kunot noo akong napabalik at tumitig sakanya.

“I.. you didn’t reply to my messages. I got worried so-”

“Thanks for the concern. But I’m fine. I’m going home. Huwag mo na akong samahan.” Mabilis akong naglakad at kinuha ang purse ko sa couch.

“Wala pa si Pierce? Where’s Penn? I need to go home.”

“I don’t know eh. Andito si Amiel kanina. Hindi ako umalis sa table natin.” Kibit balikat na sabi ni Sammie.

I badly need to go home. Nagusap naman na kami kanina at susunduin daw sila ng sasakyan ni Penelope pero gusto ko pading magpaalam.

“Tell them nauna na ako please. Hahanapin na ako ni daddy. Bye!” Paalam ko. Kumaway lang sakin si Sammie. Gusto pa magpahabol ng shot ng classmate naming lalaki pero tinanggihan ko na.

What a night. Naglalakad na ako sa parking habang kinakalkal ang bag para sa phone ko. Nasan kaba Matthew? Uuwi na tayo!

I found my phone and just before I dialed his number.. natigilan ako at napatago sa pader.

I saw Penelope.. na pumasok sa sasakyan… ni Amiel.

Kita kong umikot pa driver’s seat si Amiel.

Why are they together? What’s going on?

His car is not heavily tinted kaya aninag ko padin sila lalo na dahil sa ilaw sa parking area.

My hand immediately went to my mouth when I saw them.. kissed.

And just before my eyes gets blurry because of the sudden rush of tears. A warm and calloused hand… blocked my vision.

“You don’t have to see this. Let’s go, baby.” I heard a menacing voice on my right ear.

Kabanata 5

Marahas kong inalis ang kamay na nakaharang sa mga mata ko at galit na nilingon ang sinomang nasa likod. I saw kuya Anton.. with his dark gaze directed at me.

Napasinghap ako bago muling nilingon ang Red Raptor ni Amiel sa dulong banda ng parking. Laglag ang panga ko at hindi makapaniwala sa nakikita. I can vividly see Penelope pulling Amiel’s collar while he is devouring her lips. That bitch!

“Let’s go, Reina. I’ll take you home.”

“Your bastard of a brother is an asshole.” I growled. Halos mag igtingan ang mga ngipin ko sa gigil. Marahas kong pinalis ang mga luha ko. I felt so betrayed. You were my friend, Penn! You are a fucking slut! A snake in the fucking making!

“I’m.. I’m sorry. Please, baby. It’s late and you’re drunk. Let me take you home.” I felt kuya Anton’s hand held my right arm.

“I’m not!” Hawi ko sa kamay niya. “Mas matino pa ang isip ko kesa sa kapatid mo! At sa kaibigan kong hayop!” I shouted as my tears continue to rush down my cheeks. Busy kayo maghalikan na hindi niyo ako marinig na magwala sa parking?!

“Bullshit!” I cursed as I covered my face with my both hands. I can’t stop crying. I am hurt.. and betrayed. This is the lowest of blow. I won’t take this. Fuck you, Amiel! Fuck you, Penelope! Nerdy whore! Nasa loob pala ang kulo mo!

Kuya Anton gently pulled me for a tight embrace and I immediately bumped into his hard chest. He is wearing a white dress shirt with upper buttons undone, sleeves folded above his forearm, and a black slacks.

“Ssshh. Calm down, please. Let’s go to my car.” Pain is also evident in his voice. Nahihiya kaba dahil sa kababuyan ng kapatid mo?!

Mabilis ang paghabol ko sa aking paghinga dahil sa bigat ng dibdib ko. My hands balled into fists that crumpled his dress shirt as I burried my face on his chest, inhaling his familiar manly scent, and cried more. He is hushing me while gently stroking my hair.

“Please. Let’s get you home.”

Marahan ang kapit niya sa kamay ko ng hinila ako sa kabilang side ng parking. Tumunog ang alarm ng itim na Montero sa harap namin at binuksan ni kiya Anton ang pinto ng passenger’s seat.

“I’m with Matt.. I have my car-”

“He’s behind me. He will tail us. I’ll take you home.” Sagot niya at marahang tinulak ang ulo ko para makaupo ako sa passenger seat. Nilingon ko ang likod ng Montero at nandun nga ang SUV namin. This fucker! Kunwari pang takot kay daddy eh hindi nga ako binabantayan!

Pagkasara ng pinto ay mabilis siyang umikot sa driver’s seat. Nagsalubong ang tingin namin at ako na ang umiwas dahil napapaso ako… sa paraan ng pagtitig niya sakin. His eyes scanned my dress before staring back at my face. Naramdaman ko ang mainit niyang daliring pumunas ng natirang luha sa pisngi ko.

He leaned to pull the seatbelt on my side at siya na ang nagsuot sakin non. Halos mapapikit ako when I inhaled his manly scent. It lingers through my senses so much. Why does he smell so familiar?

I was so furious that I didn’t have time to pay attention to what’s happening. Why am I with kuya Anton? Why did he hug me like that? Why was he stroking my hair that way? Why… did I hear him… what’s his endearment again for me?

I have so many questions but I don’t have the strength to ask them out. I’m tired. I’m exhausted to handle any more drama.

“Are you hungry? Do you want some takeout?”

“Just take me home. I’m tired.” I said while I faced the window. I don’t think I can stare at him with all this awkwardness in the air.

I heard him sighed but he started the engine and started maneuvering the steering wheel.

The questions are continuously piling up in my mind. Why are we like this? How did he find me? Why is Matt seems to be following him? Why is he so concern? Is he guilty? Because I caught his brother in the act?

Wala sa sarili kong nilalaro ang cross na pendant ng necklace ni mommy. Nayukom ko ang kamao na may pendant at napapikit ng mariin. I really thought I lost this. I don’t know what I will do.. if I lost my remaining remembrance of mommy.

“Are you sure you don’t want something to eat? It will be quick. I need to get you home by ten. Your dad might be worried.”

I heard him strike a conversation as my throat ran dry and my stomach felt hollow. Why am I suddenly hungry?

“Just.. any fast food will do.” I said in between my sighs. Hindi parin siya tinitignan at nakahalukipkip lang ako na nakatanaw sa bintana.

“Alright. What do you want?” He probed.

“Anything.” My voice almost faded. I am so drained for tonight.

He went straight to the drive thru of the nearby KFC. My mind is still occupied with ny unending thoughts that I didn’t notice he ordered too much for me.

“Here.” He gently placed the half-opened paper bag on my lap. Wala sa sarili akong napatingin doon. May paper plate ng spaghetti, burger, fries, at famous bowl.

“T-Thanks. It’s late.. I don’t think I can f-finish all of these…”

“It’s alright. You can keep whatever’s left for tomorrow.”

The ride was smooth though my neck was getting stiffed as I focused my eyes on the road. I can see him on my peripheral glancing my way from time to time.

I had to take a deep breath when I saw our large estate in front. He parked his car a few meters away from our tall fences. Slowly, I unbuckled my seatbelt.

“Uhh.. t-thanks kuya for taking me h-home.” Ngayon lang ako nagkalakas ng loob na sumulyap sakanya. Awang ang labi niya at agad nagtama ang tingin namin.. para bang kanina niya pa inaabangan na tumingin ako sa gawi niya.

“You’re welcome.”

The silence etched and I had to take my leave to remove me from this awkwardness.

“Una na ako.. I-Ingat ka pauwi kuya-”

“Just.. Anton. Please.”

Napabaling ako sakanya and I saw how he licked his lips. My gaze went down to it and I saw how it glistened from the reflection of the night lights.

“No need to call me.. that. It’s fine if.. you just call me… by my name.” He struggled to mention the word as if it’s a taboo for him. My lips were parted as my thoughts stopped mid-air. Why? I dare not ask.

He is asking for too much. I don’t think I can address him that casually. But then again, I have no strength to contest.

“A-Alright. I’ll go now.”

All my questions were parked as I don’t have the heart to voice it out. Holding my takeout, I quickly stepped out of his car and walked straight to our huge gate.

Kusa itong bumukas at nakita kong agad na pinaandar ni Matt ang SUV papasok ng malaking tarangkahan habang deretso naman ang lakad ko sa pathway patungo sa double-door entrance where… dad is waiting with his arms crossed.. and tapping his left shoe on the cold floor.

The cold breeze of the night embraced my almost naked back and it sent shivers to my spine. The ruthless stare dad gave pierced daggers through me.

“Where have you been?” I heard him asked menacingly yet still restrained. I sighed.

“Answer me, Reina Ariane! Where have you been this late at night wearing that? Where did you change? You were not answering my calls! I am so fucking worried!” Dad’s menacing voice thundered sa buong harapan ng mansyon.

I swallowed hard and tried my best to appear strong to match daddy’s fuming anger. Halos manlambot nga lang ang tuhod ko ng babain niya ang baitang at salubungin ako.

“I-It’s ten o’clock. I kept my word-” I was interrupted when dad immediately pulled me to his chest and hugged me tightly. Mahigpit ang kapit niya sa ulo ko at binaon sa kanyang dibdib. Ramdam ko ang bilis ng kanyang paghinga. My lips twisted and my eyes started to sting for the tears piling up on its sides. I am slowly breaking down.

“Danger lurks in the darkest of the night! Ang sabi mo manonood ka lang ng sine! Saan ka pa nagpuntang bata ka at inabot ka ng gantong oras?! If I need to have you followed next time just so I know you are safe then I will!” Patuloy na angil ni dad. I hugged him back for support. I don’t think I can stand on my feet now that my knees turned into jelly.

“I’m sorry, dad.”

“You reek of alcohol, child. You drank. You… lied to me.” He growled on my ear. Mariin akong napapikit ang hinayaang tumulo ang mga luha.

“Did something happen? Tell me please.” I heard him grunted pleadingly.

Kusa akong napailing. “Nothing. I’m just… tired.. I w-want to rest.”

He exhaled loudly before kissing the top of my head. “Sleep, child. You have your exams next week so we will visit your mom tomorrow morning instead. In the afternoon, we will both come to your tita Athena’s art exhibit. Maaga kang gumising bukas. We’ll talk over breakfast.”

He let me go kaya agad akong lumakad papasok ng bahay. I even saw manang Lupe and some of our helpers that are still awake in the living room, as if waiting for my arrival.

“Saan ka galing Ria? Alalang alala ang daddy mo sayo. Kanina pa iyan di mapakali at panay ang tawag.” Nagaalalang salubong sakin ni manang Lupe.

“Lumabas lang kasama.. ang mga kaklase m-manang.” Bumuntong hininga ang matanda at pinapasok na sa kusina ang ibang kasambahay.

“O-Oh siya magpahinga kana. Maaga kang gumising bukas at aalis daw kayo ng daddy mo para bumisita sa mommy mo. Hindi kapa ba kumakain?” Nagaalalang tanong niya ng mapansin ang hawak kong paper bag ng KFC.

“K-Kumain na po. Nag.. takeout lang.” I turned to daddy and I saw him now talking to Matt. Nakatayo lang ng tuwid at bahagyang nakatungo ang kawawa kong bodyguard habang dinuduro duro ni daddy.

I heaved a deep sigh before taking the steps of our grand staircase. Burger nalang ang kinain ko sa takeout at pinatago ko na ang iba sa baba kay manang. Pagtapos kumain ay nagtoothbrush at nagbabad ako saglit sa bath tub.

Nakahilig ako sa malamig na marmol at pinikit ang mga mata. So much happened for tonight that’s taking a toll to my mental health. I don’t think I can process all of this overnight. Wala na akong mailuha kaya puro buntong hininga nalang ako.

Nang makapagpatuyo ng buhok ay lumabas na ako ng banyo para umupo sa vanity mirror ko. I looked tired.. and haggard. My eyes were puffy.

I saw a new message notification from kuya Anton.

“I’m home. Are you alright? Were you scolded?” I let out another deep sigh before turning my phone off. I need to disconnect for tonight. I just want a good night sleep. I need strength dahil bukas ay maaga akong masesermonan.

Parang pinapako ang ulo ko sa sakit pero kailangan ko ng bumangon dahil di tumitigil ng katok si manang.

“Ria. Gumising kana. Kanina pa nasa hapag ang daddy mo. Hinihintay ka.” Dinig kong sabi nito sa labas.

“Coming! Just give me a minute!” I shouted with all my might while my eyes are still tightly closed. Fuck this hangover!

“Sige. Maligo kana ha? Huwag mong paghintayin ang daddy mo at mainit ang ulo anak.” Pahabol ni manang bago siya nawala sa pinto ko.

Fuck. Right. Here we go.

I tried to be as quick as I can. Uuwi pa naman kami diba? Or deretso na kami ng exhibit? Shocks ang haggard! This is not happening!

I don’t even know what to wear! Paulit ulit ang daing ko sa pagtapon ng damit mula sa closet. Dagdag mo pa na maya’t maya katok ng katok si manang.

“Ria? Matagal kapa ba daw sabi ng daddy mo?”

“Eto na po!” Frustration almost dripped from my voice. Sumasabay pa si daddy. Tsk!

I sighed when I thought of wearing mommy’s clothes for today. It’s her death anniversary so I want to wear something neat and fresh. Wala lang ako masyadong puting damit. My clothes are often bright in colors.

I went to the left corner of my huge built-in closet where mommy’s clothes were hanging. Mas matangkad sakin si mommy but I’m confident that her clothes will fit.

I chose a white Sunday dress with floral print. It fits perfectly. I don’t want to overdo my makeup so after applying my tinted sunscreen, I just opened up my eyes with mascara and used my liptint to bring color to my face.

Do I look like you now, mommy? I stared at my reflection and bit my lower lip.

Saktong pagsara ko ng pinto ng makita kong nagkukumahog na paakyat ulit si manang. I sighed. So impatient, huh?

“Ria. Naku. Mabuti at tapos kana. Ang daddy mo na daw ang sunod na aakyat kung hindi kapa nakaayos-”

“I’m good manang. Let’s go.” Nauna na akong bumaba at sumunod naman siya sakin. Pagkadating ng kusina ay hinabol niya ang paglakad ko para mauna siyang harapin si dad.

“Sir, andito na po si Ria.”

Dad’s eyes were like daggers. I twitched for a fraction but I still went up to him to kiss his cheek.

“Morning, dad.” I saw his eyes glued on what I’m wearing.

“Bilisan mong kumain. Huwag mong paghintayin ang mommy mo.” He scoffed before drinking his coffee. I can feel the tension in the air especially that our househelpers are uneasy and almost like statues, trying to keep a formal stance. Before him is an ipad with business proposals and reviews. May meeting ata siya dahil suot niya ang airpods niya sa kaliwang tenga at nagsasalita siya from time to time.

I tried to be as quick as I could, thinking I could get away with what happened last night but dad closed his ipad and put down his airpods.

“Where have you been last night?”

I sighed. Shoot!

“I uhh… we went to Pierce’s.. for-”

“Stop lying to me, Reina Ariane!” Dad’s voice echoed like thunder in the dining area. I almost twitched in terror.

“I-I’m not! I told you we will be r-reviewing for midterms! Hindi na kami nagmovie, around seven na ng umalis kami sakanila-”

“And where did you go? Huh? Saan ka nagpunta ng ganoon ang suot?” He snapped and continues to cutting me off, not getting satisfied with my answer.

“I uhh.. we went to a bar downtown.. I’m with my classmates and I swear I don’t have plans on getting drunk! I even made it home by your curf-”

“Whose fucking idea was it? You lied to me. You said you will go see the movies, and yet you went home barely clothed reeking of alcohol! You just turned eighteen! What’s wrong with you?!” Dad’s menacing voice keeps on growling.

“Well, at least I dressed appropriately-”

“Huwag mokong pilosopohin Reina Ariane! Appropriate you say? Was it appropriate to you huh?!” Napapitlag na talaga ako ng hampasin niya ng malakas ang lamesa. Hindi din nakatakas sa peripheral ko ang pagkislot ng isang kasambahay na nakatayo sa gilid ng island counter. Psh. She’s probably new.

“I’m sorry okay!” I snapped back. “I’m just… pressured.. of midterms and.. when Pierce mentioned they might go to a bar-”

“Well your friends are bad influences then! You are grounded! You will go home straight from school starting tomorrow! I’m cutting your cards-”

“No you can’t do that!” I shrieked hysterically. This is unacceptable!

“Yes I can. Don’t challenge me, child.”

“I’m eighteen! I’m no longer a child-”

“Then act your age! You are living under my roof so you will obey my rules! Paano kung anong mangyari sayo doon ha? Hindi ka nagsasabi! Sinong pumayag na magbar kang bata ka? Hindi kita pinayagang umalis para maglasing!”

“But..” I’m losing words. I can’t accept this defeat! I won’t be grounded!

“You cant do this to me daddy. You are unbelievable. You cannot control my life-”

“I’m simply taking care of you! Paano kung may nangyaring masama sayo?! Dahil sa kakasama mo diyan sa mga kaklase mong-”

“They are not bad influences! I was the one who suggested for us to go and now I regret it! I regret doing it so much! Happy now?!” I shouted on top of my lungs because of pain. I didn’t realize I was crying.. when I remember what I saw yesterday. Fuck!

“Sir.. h-huwag ho sana kayong magtalo sa harap ng pagkain.” Mahinang sabat ni manang Lupe. Great! Just great! You should’ve but in earlier! Hindi sana ako nagrounded! Stupid!

Sumisinghot akong matalim na nakatitig sa mayordoma ng tawagin ni daddy ang atensyon ko. He sounded calm now yet still menacing.

“Finish your food. We’ll get going right after. Your tito will be coming. Make haste.” He scoffed before storming out of the dining area. I can hear sighs of relief from all our househelpers as if they surpassed daddy’s wrath.

I spent a couple of minutes crying my eyes out while murdering my pancake. It’s a blessing in disguise, I guess? For me to uncover the treachery from who I considered a friend.

Malandi ka! Kunwari kapang support sa amin! You had your motive. Amiel broke up with his recent flavor of the month and you think you had your chance? Oh, please! Don’t make me laugh you bitch!

“Tumahan kana anak. Hayaan mo at kakalma din ang daddy mo. Nagaalala lang iyon sayo. Bakit ka kasi-”

“Shut up and let me eat! I don’t need anyone’s opinion!” I snapped at our housemaid. Laglag ang panga ni manang Lupe na tumango at bahagyang umatras.

Call me rude, I don’t give a fuck! All of you here thinks I’m rotten spoiled anyway. Why would I need to impress you? Don’t interfere with my life!

Pagkatapos kumain ay padarag akong umakyat ng kwarto para magayos at magtoothbrush. Mabilis akong bumaba dahil tumawag si manang na nasa sasakyan na daw si daddy.

The ride were silent and suffocating. Nakaconvoy samin ang bodyguards at on the way nadin daw sina tito Raymond. Not sure with tita Elisse if they are coming since my phone is still off since last night.

Pagkadating ng cemetery ay para kaming naghahabulan ni daddy sa bilis maglakad. I keep on rolling my eyes and muttering curses internally. So grumpy. You are supposed to be happy that I kept my promise. Mas masama naman kung inumaga ako, diba?

Kasunod namin ang mga bodyguards na may dalang pagkain. When we reached mommy’s mausoleum, dad immediately squatted in front of mommy’s tombstone as one of our bodyguards handed him the flowers he ordered yesterday.

“Hello again, my wife.” Dad uttered after placing the flower arrangement on the cold floor.

In loving memory of a wife and a mother. Rein S. Montecarlo. The tombstone says.

“H-Hi mommy. I miss y-you..” I pursed my lips. Dinig ko ang pagsinghap ni daddy habang hinihimas ang pagkakaukit sa lapida ni mommy. Nanatili akong nakatayo sa bandang likuran niya.

My eyes were distracted from dad when tito Raymond arrived with tita Athena after a few minutes. I went to kiss her cheek for a greeting.

“Wala si Rj. Pero pupunta iyon ng exhibit mamaya. Bukas ay padadaanin ko dito, hija.” I smiled though it’s not necessary. I appreciate tita Athena’s assurance though. It’s not their responsibility but they loved mommy too.

Kasama nila sina tita Elisse at tito Amer… with their… sons.

While I’m busy welcoming them, I can still hear daddy’s low voice as I stood a bit close behind him. He didn’t even realize that there are people coming to visit mommy.

“Exams niyo daw bukas kaya sumabay na kami ngayon. Tinanghali lang ng gising si Amiel.” Tita Elisse smiled apologetically.

“Your daughter, darling, has been a pain in the ass. She really took after you, huh?” I tried to smile back while I’m getting distracted by daddy’s unhumorous remark. Really now?

“O-oo nga po e. Thank you for c-coming tita.” I glanced at Amiel na nagkukusot ng mata habang si kuya Anton ay nakapamulsang nakatitig sakin.. pursing his lips.

“We can go to church all together later after this. Gusto nga sana naming magsimba muna pero alam mo naman si kuya.. kaya dito na muna tayo.” Si tita Athena na napasulyap sa likod ko. Tumango naman si tita Elisse. Tito Amer and tito Raymond are engaged in a conversation in the corner with the 2 siblings.

“I need your help, darling. Did I make the right decision? I just.. want to keep our baby girl safe.. while she went to a bar last night, without me knowing, and went home drunk. I’m sorry.” I heard dad sighing, speaking to mommy’s tombstone but the others seemed to be unaware of his pleading. Even our bodyguards are standing still and staring blankly in the air.

“I-I heard you will have an e-exhibit later tita? Congratulations!” Bati ko kay tita Athena. She smiled before caressing my shoulders. I felt eyes glued to me at hindi nga ako nagkamali.. kuya Anton.. while talking to tito Raymond.. is staring at me intently.

I was not drunk so I remember everything that happened last night. Mabilis kong iniwas ang tingin ko at tinuon sa dalawang ginang.

“Thank you, I’ll see you and kuya there? The proceeds of tonight’s event will go to our supported charities. I’m expecting you to come too, Elisse?” Si tita Athena. Marahan lang akong tumango at napalabi.

“It’s been eighteen years, but nothing has changed, Rein. I still long for you.. I miss you.. every day.”

Tears are starting to pool on the side of my eyes. I miss.. mommy too. I sighed secretly and kept my wide smile in front of the two older women.

“Sure! I received your invitation and my husband and I will be there. Not sure with my sons though, you know my boys.” Tita Elisse gave her a meaningful look and the latter chuckled.

“I love you.. very much, darling.” I tried to look on my left to watch the scenery outside the mausoleum and blinked and tears from falling. Oh daddy.

What makes it more unbearable is that I accidentally met kuya Anton’s eyes that’s still glued to me. I quickly glanced at Amiel who seems.. normal. He is squinting his eyes probably with his hangover while talking to his dad. My eyes drifted back to kuya Anton whose lips are now parted. He raised a brow but I looked away.

We just had our breakfast kaya sweets nalang ang kinuha ko. Ganun din sina tita Athena at tita Elisse. The men motioned that they are good with iced coffee. Dad refused to take anything and asked the bodyguards to eat instead. He just knelt on the cold floor, never leaving mommy’s tomb. Tita Elisse and the others went to greet mommy for a short while as they respected daddy’s space.

I don’t want to.. but I can’t help but feel sorry for my dad. This.. is his situation everyday he visit mommy. Sitting here for hours, spending time with her, asking her tombstone for wisdom even though he will never get an answer. He might look strong and stoic on the outside, but he is actually broken.. on the inside. Ever since mommy died.

We stayed for a few hours kaya napakain na din kami ng lunch before going to church.

“Are you alright?” Dinig kong tanong ni kuya Anton sa gilid ko ng sinabayan niya ako maglakad palabas ng sementeryo. I slightly panicked that I turned around to see if dad is following, susunod daw siya sa sasakyan. Siya ang huling umalis samin sa musuleo.

“Uhh.. Yes.”

I heard kuya Anton sighed. “I was worried. You.. are not replying to my messages.”

I chuckled to hide my nervousness. I swear the bodyguards can hear us! Fuck! “Sorry. My phone is dead. D-Di pako nagchacharge.”

Binilisan ko ang lakad at kita kong dirediresto kami sa kanya kanyang sasakyan. I saw kuya Anton walked towards me as he parked his Montero behind our SUV but he stopped midway.. when Amiel covered my vision of him. He went to his car instead while I looked up to meet Amiel’s cold stare.

“Anong oras ka.. nakauwi kagabi?”

Why do you care?

“Ten. I got curfew so.” I shrugged.

His lips twisted before sighing. “Good. Next time, don’t drink while wearing too revealing clothes. You might get harassed.” He said breathily. Wow. You have a say on how I dress now? After you fucked someone in your car?

I’m about to lash out at him when I saw daddy nearing us. I sighed. “E-Excuse me.. we’re going.” Sumakay na ako ng sasakyan at hindi na hinintay ang sagot niya. Hindi padin ako kinikibo ni dad hanggang simbahan kaya deretso lang ang tingin ko sa priest. Past lunch na ng makauwi kami. He went to his study while I went upstairs. Naligo lang ako ng matulin at nagpatuyo ng buhok bago umidlip. Mga five daw kami aalis para sa exhibit mamaya.

I’m wearing a formal dress from a famous international designer. It’s an emerald long-sleeve sweetheart neckline evening dress with no slit. So much for wearing revealing clothes, huh? There you have it!

Dad is sporting a classic three-piece suit still looking like a scion he once were, very cold and distant to me in the car but I know he can’t stand to be mad at me for too long. When we arrived at the venue, there are media approaching us but dad refused to be interviewed. We just posed for a click before he guided me to the exhibit.

Inside, we greeted familiar guests invited. I am making acquaintances though I am looking for familiar faces. Tita Athena? Tita Elisse? Is she here already?

The crowd is packing so I stopped trying. We will see them later anyway. We are trying to go near the stage platform set for the auction but dad is speaking to some important businessmen and personalities we bumped across so we have to stop walking from time to time para sa kamustahan o pagpapakilala. The bodyguards have to walk slowly with us too dahil nga may kinakausap si dad.

“Tito.” I saw Rj looking so formal who walked towards us from the crowd. Tinanguan siya ni daddy.

“Rj. We have VIPs arriving. Where’s you father?” Dad asked and my cousin chuckled. Patuloy kami sa paglakad habang tumatango ang dalawa sa mga nakakakilala.

“Nasa loob na po sila ni mommy. Kadadating ko lang din halos. Sabay na po ako sainyo.” Si Rj sabay baling sakin at kindat.

“Hello princess.” I cringed my nose and rolled my eyes at him.

“Hmm. Didn’t see you earlier.”

“Right. I’m sorry. I was.. busy. I’ll visit tita tomorrow.” He said bago nakipagkamay sa matandang tinapik ni daddy sa balikat.

“Busy, huh? With what? Oh I dare not to ask.” Taas kilay kong panunuya. Igting naman ang panga niya bago madilim na ngumisi sakin.

“So nosy. Ikaw siguro ang humahadlang sa love life ko? Kaya di ako nagkakagirlfriend.” halos masuka ako sa narinig. Sex life you mean? My cousin is infamous because of his sexual engagements. Kadiri. Natabloid na iyan noon dahil naeskandalo sa modelong may boyfriend. Gosh!

“Hah! I pity the woman who will fall for you.” I flipped my hair back and ignored him kahit pa natatawa siyang bumubulong sa likod ko.

I gasped as my mouth dropped open when I saw kuya Gelo in the middle part of the exhibit, talking to some businessmen who poured to see his work.

“Kuya Gelo!” I called. His eyes drifted at me and smiled.

“Hello Ria.” He greeted. The businessmen parted when I walked to hug him. Ngayon ko nalang ulit siya nakita. May project siya abroad alam ko. Architect namin siya.

“Engineer.” I heard kuya Gelo exchanged greeting with Rj whose now behind me.

“I didn’t know you have works here! Is it part of the auction? Good luck!”

Natawa si kuya Gelo. Sasagot palang siya ng narinig ko si dad sa likod ko.

“I’m buying this portrait.” Sabay kaming napalingon sakanya. My lips were parted when I saw kuya Gelo’s piece up close. Ngayon ko lang napansin. It’s a portrait of.. mommy. He drew mommy.. in her wedding dress.

“Kuya Rico. Parte ho kasi ito ng auction ni madame pero sasab-”

“This will not be sold in auction. I’m buying it. I’m not leaving this exbihit without this portrait.” Si dad na hindi inaalis ang tingin sa frame na nakasabit sa pader.

Kuya Gelo chuckled nervously. “Hindi na kuya. Ibibigay ko nalang po ito sainyo-”

“Don’t insult me, boy. I’m getting this portrait now and I’m paying in full. So name your price, and my secretary will speak with you. Good job. My wife have always believed in your talent. I’m sure your ate Rein would be so proud of you.” He tapped kuya Gelo’s shoulder before he stared back at the portrait. I saw kuya Gelo’s eyes glistened with what daddy said bago siya tumango.

Rj had to suddenly excused himself dahil may pupuntahan lang daw but daddy was occupied with staring at mommy’s portrait that was displayed on the wall. Sinundan ko ng tingin si Rj na may pinuntahang babaeng nanonood din sa exhibit. Naiiling akong umirap.

Tinawag si Gelo ng isa sa mga organizers ng exhibit kaya nagpaalam ito sa amin. I heard dad ordered his bodyguard to call his secretary to initiate the transaction with the piece.

“Ria! There you are!” I turned around and saw tita Elisse with tito Amer. Bumeso siya sakin at ngumiti. I smiled at tito Amer too.

“Whoo! I thought I we are late. It’s a huge crowd you have. Let’s go?” Anyaya niya samin. I saw… kuya Anton slowly walking towards us.. in his white dress shirt and a black suit that is open. His upper buttons are also undone.

Tita Elisse glanced at where I’m looking at. “Si Anton lang ang sumama. Si Amiel, masakit daw ang ulo.” Nakasimangot na naiiling si tita Elisse.

“Hello, Reina.” Hilaw akong napangisi ng marinig ang malalim na boses ni kuya Anton.

“HHello k-kuya.” I saw him clenched his jaw and pierced his gaze at me. Kuya, huh?

“We should go. I think the event will start soon. Shall we? Rico?” I heard her called dad behind me but dad didn’t respond. I took a glance at him at nakatingala padin siya… sa portrait ni mommy. I sighed.

“Let him be, love. Mauna na muna tayo.” I heard tito Amer. Hilaw namang napangiti si tita Elisse. I saw sadness glimpsed through her eyes when she realized what my daddy is staring at. Saglit din siyang napatulala doon bago napasinghap.

“Well.. uhh gusto mo na bang sumabay sa amin Ria?”

I was considering it but when I caught kuya Anton’s intense gaze, I immediately backed out.

“Hindi na po tita. Sasabay po k-kasi ako kay daddy. Susunod po kami.” she nodded before joining the crowd that is slowly filling the inner crust of the venue.

Unti unti ng nakakapasok at nagsisipagupuan ang mga dadalo sa auction… pero kami.. nandito padin sa bandang gitna… dahil hindi matinag si daddy.. sa kakatitig sa drawing ni mommy.

I saw kuya Ben went to us and spoke to dad. He even asked us to go to our table but he motioned his hands in the air. He instructed him to talk to kuya Gelo about the payment to mommy’s portrait. The poor secretary nodded obediently before he excused himself.

Dad’s hands were locked behind his back. With his stance, I knew he would never be interested to join the auction. If I knew better, maiiwan lang siya dito at pagmamasdan ang nakasabit sa pader. The exhibit is now empty at kami nalang ng bodyguards ang natira.

Another organizer went to us after a while at pinapasabing tinatawag daw kami nina tita Athena dahil ipapakilala pero huwag na daw sabi ni daddy. That’s when I confirmed. Na nawalan na nga siya ng interes na makisali pa.

I discreetly wiped the side of my eyes and sniffed. Slowly, I walked beside daddy. He felt my presence at saglit na bumaba ang tingin niya sakin. His eyes were bloodshot and were glistening.. he’s holding back his tears. I pursed my lips.. and feel for my dad.

Naramdaman ko ang pagakbay niya sa akin bago muling tumitig sa portrait ni mommy. Ganun din ang ginawa ko. Pero siya ang pinanood ko.

My heart is slowly crushing to pieces at the sight of my dad.. admiring mommy’s portrait. Animo kinakabisado ang bawat sulok ng mukha ni mommy. Saglit na dumaan ang tingin ko doon. She was smiling widely in this art piece. Her wedding dress was simple with not much intricate design. Her shoulder- length jet black hair was undone, she looked fresh and healthy here. Malayong malayo sa nakita kong isang picture niya sa bahay… na karga karga ako noong baby pa ako. She looked thin on that photo and she was wearing a bonet. If I remember correctly, may sakit na si mommy nung nagpakasal sila ni daddy.

With little makeup, mommy’s freckles were perfectly copied. Kagaya ng natatandaan ko sa ibang pictures niya sa bahay. Suot niya din ang kwintas na suot ko ngayon. She was crossing her legs in this portrait and her hands were intertwined on her knees… reason why I also saw the love bangle I’m wearing on her right arm.

Napabuntong hininga ako. I must thank kuya Gelo. With his talent, tila buhay na buhay si mommy at walang iniindang sakit sa drawing niya.

Humilig ako sa braso ni daddy. “She was stunning.. was this one of your pre-nup pictures?” Curious, I asked if it was copied from one of their wedding photos. Dad shook his head.

This portrait will help daddy relived his memories with mom, but at the same time.. I know that it will also break his heart even more.. that they weren’t able to cherish their married life… as mommy was then battling with her illness… that eventually took her life.

“No. This scene was done creatively by Angelo’s imagination.”

“I miss mommy.” My voice almost shook as my vision slowly got blurry.

I heard daddy sighed. Mabigat ang paghinga niya na nararamdaman ko sa paghilig ko sa braso niya. “I miss her too.. every single day, princess.” He said breathily.. trying to retain his baritone voice but I also heard it broke. I bit my lower lip.

I saw dad wiped his tears in a manly way. Pinisil niya ng isang kamay ang mga mata bago ito bumaba sa akin. Punong puno ng sakit at lungkot.

“You’re like her carbon copy. You look so much like your mother.” He chuckled sadly. I sniffed at his remark and his hand immediately went to wipe the tears falling on my left cheek.

“Minus the freckles?” I chuckled even though my voice is shaking. I didn’t bother hiding my tears. We were both crying our forlorn hearts, anyway. The auction commenced and I can the MC speaking behind us.. pero kami.. nandito padin sa tapat ng portrait ni mommy. Our bodyguards were scattered in this empty area of the exhibit.

“You are beautiful, princess. Even without it.”

He pulled me for a hug and my sobs were suppressed on his chest.

“I’m sorry we lost your mom. But know that your mother loved you very much. She fought for you. But we failed. I hope you can forgive her, for leaving you so soon.” I keep on nodding while he is stroking my hair.

“Of course.. I love her too. I love you, daddy.” I whispered as I don’t have enough voice to say it out loud. I am hurting. But I love my family. It’s not perfect.. and incomplete.. but this is the family I have.. and I will never trade it with anything else in the world.

“I love you more, my princess. You gave us reason to live. You carry our love with you.. you’ll have your mother’s love.. and mine.. forever.” Dad kissed the side of my head and I hugged him tightly.

Kabanata 6

Kung hindi pa sinecure ang portrait ni mommy, hindi ko makukumbinsi si daddy na maupo na sa mesa namin. Ang secretary ni daddy ang nagprocess ng payment at pinull out na ang portrait sa exhibit para madeliver daw agad iyon sa bahay namin. So much for pulling some strings huh, dad?

We are in the front row seated in a large round table before the center stage. Kasama namin ang ibang nasabing VIPs pati sina tita Elisse at tito Amer na katabi naman ni kuya Anton.

Sa kaparehong mesa katabi namin ay sina Rj, si tito Raymond at si tita Athena, her college friend and her two daughters na pinakilala ni tita kanina, at iba pang importanteng dumalo sa auction.

I’m not sure if it’s common to have an art exhibit and an auction at the same time but here we are, our family has been doing these initiatives to help with our supported charities and programs.

The people can observe and appreciate the exhibit but for the likes of the VIP guests and other businessmen and women, they would rather be seated in this part of the venue to bid for the pieces of their liking.

The event was successful yet exhausting.. I stay seated while dad is conversing with an old businessman with my titos. Si tita Athena ay kasama padin yung kaibigan niya.

“Are you tired?” I heard kuya Anton. I quickly glanced at our table and we are the only people left. May dalawang bakanteng upuan sa kanan ko bago ang sakanya pero dinig ko ang tanong niya sakin. Nakahilig ang braso niya sa backrest ng bakanteng upuan at nakapaling sakin.

I shrugged bago humalukipkip “Sort of. I want to go home.”

I heard him chuckle. “Hindi mo padin ba.. nachacharge ang phone mo?”

I did. But I chose to ignore his messages. It’s.. awkward.

Napalunok ako “N-Not yet. M-Mamaya po.”

He stared at me for a minute before sighing. “Alright. I’ll wait.”

Huh? For what?

I saw him licked his lips. Why is he licking his lips so much? It’s not dry. It actually looks a bit plump.. and pinkish.

“I’ll still message you. I’ll wait for your reply. Is that.. okay?”

And why the fuck am I even staring at his lips?

I had to swallow that lump in my throat. “Why?” I can’t help but raising a brow. Is that even necessary for us to communicate on a daily? For what?

“I just.. uhh. want to make sure you are okay-”

“But I am okay!”

Nakita ko ang pagiwas niya ng tingin at pagayos ng upo. “Alright. I’m sorry.”

He glanced at my way again “you have your midterms tomorrow. Goodluck, Reina.”

“T-Thank you.” Kuya. Bigla akong nahiya sa inasal. But am I in the wrong here? What’s the matter ba and what’s with this messaging thingy?

“Reina.” Napapitlag ako ng marinig ko ang tawag ni dad sa kabilang gilid ko.

“Dad.” I saw his eyes like daggers darted behind me.

“It’s getting late and you have exams tomorrow. We should go. Magpaalam ka sa tito mo.” He barked without tearing off his eyes behind me. Are you still mad at me? You can’t even look at me.

I sighed before nodding. Tumayo ako para maghanda. Kuya Anton stood snappily with me, probably acknowledging that we are about to leave.

“Ingat kayo… tito.”

“Hmm.” Dad scoffed before guiding me to say goodbye to tito Raymond. I’m not sure where tita Athena is but she’ll know from her husband.

“Tito.. we’ll go na. May exams pa po ako bukas.” Sabay silang napalingon ni tito Amer at ilang matandang lalaking kausap.

Tumango lang si tito Raymond. “Alright. I’ll let your tita know. Thank you for coming tonight.” Tinapik niya ang balikat ni daddy at nagpaalam na. Tumango lang sakin si tito Amer at ngumiti naman ako sa ibang kausap nila.

“Don’t forget that you are grounded. You’ll go straight home after school. Matt will have his eyes on you. All the time. He is allowed entry in your school.” Si daddy sa sasakyan na kinairap ko.

What the fuck?

“Pababaunan ka ni manang for your lunch and snacks so you don’t have to buy anything. Wala kanang ibang pupuntahan pa pagkatapos ng oras ng klase kung hindi ang umuwi.”

What? “Dad! Ano ako bata? You can just give me cash and I’ll buy my lunch at the cafeteria!”

“Tss. Manang will cook something healthy for you.” No!

“Uhuh. At hanggang kelan naman ito?” Diko mapigilang angil. I saw dad’s death stare pierced through me.

“Until you come to your senses, young lady, that it’s not good that you are lying just for you to sneak out and drink in a bar! Am I making myself clear, Reina?!”

“At least give me money nalang! It’s not like I’m going to use it for something illegal! I’ll buy my food and don’t force me to bring a lunch box! That’s gross!”

“What did you say?!” He shifted his whole weight and I startled.

“You.. you don’t call the shots here! Magbabaon ka ng pagkain at wala kang ibang gagastusin sa eskwela! You have your driver! You are grounded so you’ll obey my fucking rules!”

I stomped a foot before staring outside the window. I can no longer deal with this conversation. Patuloy ang litanya ni daddy na hindi ko na pinapakinggan pa.

I can’t accept this. Halos pigilan kong maiyak sa galit sa sasakyan. Pagkadating namin ng bahay ay padarag kong sinara ang pinto ng sasakyan at mabilis na nagmartsa paakyat ng kwarto ko. Dad called me but I ignored him and kept walking upstairs. I hate you!

This is fucking humiliating! Reina Ariane, bringing a pack lunch at school. Daig ko pa ang naghihirap! I’d rather not eat than carry a damn lunch box for all the students to see! What would my classmates say?! That I can’t afford to buy a meal? What the fucking fuck!

I’m definitely screwed. Hindi ako makapagreview dahil nagpupuyos ako sa galit kay daddy. Damn it! Kasalanan mo pag bumagsak ako sa exams! Don’t you ever blame me!

I groaned when my cellphone beeped on the bedside table. I stared at the ceiling for a while until I heard another chat notification.

“Are you home?”

“Are you asleep? Good night, Reina.”

Damn these messages. I placed it back on the bedside table. I put my phone on a do not disturb status before I closed my eyes and forced myself to sleep.

Panay ang buntong hininga ni daddy sa hapag ng hindi ko sinasagot ang mga tanong niya. Don’t talk to me! After what you’ve done!

Cinonfiscate ang cards ko bago ako gumayak papuntang school. Wala akong pera. Buti nalang nasakin padin ang phone ko. Kung hindi.. baka hindi nalang ako pumasok. Are you expecting me not to have a social life? How can I post for my social media accounts?

Chineck din ni Matt ang laman ng bag ko para masigurong gamit nga iyon sa school at wala akong dalang kahina hinala. Ang sarap ipukpok sakanya yung bag sa totoo lang! Ugh!

“Take care, princess. Be good. Goodluck on your exams-”

“Thanks. Take care, dad.” I cut him off before slamming the door and ordered Matt to leave. I can’t stand this.

It’s just one night! You are so unfair! We had an agreement at nakauwi nga ako ng ten. I’m safe and all my limbs were intact! What’s the problem? At least umuwi ako sa usapan. Eh ano kung nagbar? I’m not wasted! And again, I went home just in time for my curfew! Bullshit!

Halos ayaw kong bumaba ng sasakyan. Masasaksak ko na sa talim ng titig ko si Matt ng pinaalala niya ang baunan ko na nasa tabi ko.

“Hindi ko dadalhin iyan. Hindi ako kakain.”

Bumuntong hininga siya at napakamot ng batok. “Magagalit ang daddy mo ma’am. Sumunod ka nalang po.”

“Shut up! How dare you order me around? Binabayaran ka para sundin ako!”

Padarag kong sinara ang pinto ng SUV at mabilis na lumakad papasok ng campus. Alright. I’m still normal. I should act normal.

Dinig ko ang komosyon sa likod ko at iyon ay dahil hinarang si Matt ng guard. Hmp! Buti nga!

Agad dumako ang tingin niya sakin ng may isa pang guard na lumapit.

“Papasukin mo. May memo kay dean. Request daw sa taas.” Saad nito na halos ikalaglag ng panga ko. Are you seriously going to this length, dad?

Deretso ang lakad ko sa tamang floor ng classroom. I thought Matt would even come in pero andun lang siya sa may labas. Nakagilid sa tapat ng pader kaya di siya ganung tanaw ng estudyante sa loob. Thank God.

Siya ang may bitbit ng bag na may lamang pagkain ko. Sana mapanis! Deserve!

I chose to sit at the back corner beside the window. It’s examination week, we don’t really need to follow the seat arrangement unless stated otherwise. The look on Pierce’s face when he saw me sitting at the back habang magkatabi sila.. ng malandi niyang pinsan.

You even have the guts to show your face to me you bitch!

I mouthed Pierce that I’ll sit here for the meantime. He asked if there’s something wrong and I shook my head. Well I’m grounded, for one. Second, your bitch of a cousin fucked Amiel in his car the night we went out to a bar.

Busy ako sa pagmurder sa nakatalikod na si Penelope sa isip ko ng may marinig akong malalim na boses.

“Good morning.” Si Amiel. Wow. Really. Wala na bang ilalala ang buhay ko?

“Morning.” I said in the most uninterested and bored tone. Ramdam ko ang titig niya sakin kaya deretso lang ang tingin ko.

I forgot na dito nga pala sa hilerang to nakaupo sina Amiel at mga kaibigan niya. Ano nang gagawin ko? I can’t certainly go back to my place at baka sunduin ako ni dad sa guidance kung masaksak ko ng ballpen si Penelope. The class is slowly getting filled at wala ng bakanteng upuan. Dito nalang sa likod.

I sighed and glanced at the window while waiting for the teacher to arrive. The blueish sky somehow calmed me down. I need to clear my head with all of these. I have midterms to pass. Bakit kasi ngayon pa nagsabay sabay tong kalechehan sa buhay ko?! My eyes quickly went down to my watch and I saw that we only have five minutes before the class starts. Pakibilis kaya ma’am? Exam na malelate pa?

Filipino ang first subject namin and it was easy. For the very least. Nakapagreview kami dito nina Pierce kaya kahit papaano ay confident ako sa mga sagot ko. Pinasa ko sa unahan ang test paper ng matapos at bumalik sa upuan para maghintay ng ilang minuto bago matapos ang time. Whooo! I survived!

“Are you.. okay?” I rolled my eyes. What do you think? Why are you even talking to me? Are we close na ulit?

“Yeah.” I said while scribbling on my notes.

“Why are you not.. with your friends?” Amiel leaned a bit and whispered. Gosh.

“I just.. just want to be alone for a bit. I need to focus on my exams.” I was startled when I saw him stared at me intently.

“And you can’t focus while being with them?” He probed. Malikot ang tingin niya and I don’t want to waste my time to decipher that.

“What’s with the questions? Gusto ko lang dito umupo Amiel.” I fired. I saw him swallowed hard. Tss.

“I’m sorry. Akala ko lang.. you had a row with your friends-”

“And why would you think that?” I crossed my arms. Yeah. Bakit nga ba? Are you worried? Guilty? Or what?

I gritted my teeth when I saw him glanced where Penelope is sitting before staring back at me.

“Nevermind. I’m.. sorry.”

I sighed and stared at the blank blackboard. My breathing is unsteady as I was raging from the inside. I can’t blame you though. Ito kana eh. You fuck around. It’s just that.. hindi ako makapaniwalang hanggang sa circle ko.. papatol ka.

Did Penelope seduce you? Were you communicating already before it happened? Paano nangyaring naging ganon?

Panay ang kamot ko sa ulo habang nagsasagot ng panibagong exam sa ibang subject. So much for a clear and focused mind. After lunch sa ibang pwesto ako uupo.

May ilang minuto pa bago magtime kaya nagsiscroll nalang ako sa phone ko ng matapos magsagot. I saw Pierce’s chat on our gc.

“Malandi ka talaga te! Kaya kaba umupo diyan para tabi kayo ng prince charming mo? Perfect mo ang exam for sure!”

Penelope left the message on seen. Napairap ako sa gigil. If you only knew Pierce. Sino kaya ang papanigan mo samin ng pinsan mo?

“It’s not intentional bakla. I’ll tell you later.”

Kita ko ang paglingon ng hitad sa gawi ko. Agad tumaas ang kilay ko kaya napabaling siya ulit sa unahan.

Right. Are you scared? Guilty perhaps? Ano ba sa tingin mo ang sasabihin ko sa pinsan mo?

My heart almost crushed to pieces with the thought of that… I’ll lose them both.. because of Amiel.. and that motherfucking bitch!

Well, magcocollege naman na kami next year. I shouldn’t be bothered, right?

Andaming gustong mapabilang sa circle ko but I know some of them are not with the true intentions of friendship. Iyong ibang kakilala namin ay dahil galing din sa mayamang pamilya, ang iba naman ay gusto lang sumikat sa school.

We are friends for years, and now.. I don’t know. I feel so alone about this. I was betrayed yet why do I feel like I’m still the one suffering the consequences of what happened?

“How’s your exams?” Nagpopped up sa notification ko ang chat ni kuya Anton. I tried to swipe it up pero napindot ko pala at nabuksan ko ang chat!

Great! Now he knows that I have read his message. Andami ding mga chats doon kahapon na hindi ko din sinagot. May message bubble na nagappear sa baba ng conversation namin mula sakanya na agad ding nawala. I sighed.

“Good. May exam pa after nito at mamayang hapon.” I typed in my reply.

Agad niya iyong naseen at kita kong nagtatype siya agad ng reply. Wala sa sarili akong napabaling sa katabi at halos mapapitlag ako ng nakatingin sakin si Amiel. Bahagya niyang dudungawin ang phone ko kaya nilock ko iyon at agad pinatong sa desk.

Kita ko ang pagkunot ng noo niya. So nosy! Pano kung makita niyang kachat ko ang kuya niya? Will that be weird? Of course it is! Fuck!

My phone vibrated on my desk pero di na ako nagabalang tignan pa. We had another exam before we were sent to have our lunch break. Gosh nakakastress!

Natanaw kong umayos ng tayo si Matt ng lumabas ang teacher namin at nagsitayuan na kami para maglunch. Pierce immediately went to me while his cousin pretended that she is fixing her bag kahit na naitago na niya ang mga gamit. Hah!

“Let’s go! Gutom nako! Magchika ka!” Haltak niya sa braso ko at saglit na napasulyap sa katabi ko. Napatingin din ako doon at nakitang nakatayo na si Amiel na nakatitig sakin. Tinatawag siya ng mga tropa niya.

Lumabas na din kami at ang malanding higad ay nakasunod sa likod namin. Napairap ako ng lumapit sakin si Matt.

“Pwede sa school.. ang bodyguard mo?” Bulong sakin ni Pierce.

“Ma’am Ria, heto po ang tanghalian mo-”

“I told you I’m not eating that! Get that away from me you idiot!” I hissed sabay lingon sa mga estudyanteng maaaring makarinig. This is so embarrassing.

To save me from this unacceptable shame, I walked away at dumiretso nako ng cafeteria. Dinig kong humabol sakin sina Pierce.

“Huy sayang! May baon ka? Kainin natin.” Ani Pierce.

I still have a thousand peso bill. I’ll just buy myself a salad and a lemon juice. There’s no way I’ll eat in a lunchbox. I’m not a kid, and I’m certainly not poor. May pambili ako ng pagkain!

Had I known this would have happened, nagwithdraw sana ako ng maraming maraming pera! Wala ding pera ang mobile banking apps ko dahil tinransfer ang laman non kay dad. Hmp! Damn you, daddy!

“So you are grounded. I’m sorry baks. Nagalit din ba samin si tito?” Pierce looked at me apologetically while sipping on his soft drinks. Penelope on the other hand, is silently eating while watching my every move.

Bitch!

I sighed. “Don’t worry about it. I explained to him that it was my idea to go. He’s just mad.. and worried. Gosh I don’t even have my cards! Cinut niya ang credit card ko at kinuha niya kanina ang debit card ko! I can’t accept this!”

Matt was standing in the far corner, still holding my lunchbox, while talking to himself. He’s probably reporting to daddy.

“Ano kaba te! Tito Rico is right. Wala ka namang gagastusin talaga. You have your driver na. May baon kapa na pagkain o. Sayang. Swerte ka nga e.” Nagbabaon din si Pierce pero minsan umoorder lang siya ng pagkain kapag di nakapagluto si tita Patricia.

Kagaya ngayon. Ano sila bibili ng pagkain tapos ako nakabaunan? No way!

“You should be grateful Ria. Don’t worry… malilift din.. a-ang pagiging g-grounded m-mo.” Penelope tried to but in but I turned to her in a snap kaya nagkanda utal utal siya.

Hah! How dare you speak to me.

“You’re right cuz. Ano kaba e di ka naman matitiis niyang daddy mo. Mamaya nga one week lang yan. Pano ka pala umuwi non?” Pierce probed.

Diko nalang pinansin. There’s no way I’d make a scene. Karma is a bitch. It’ll come your way, Penelope. Hintayin mo! Deserve!

“Uhh.. well, kasama ko si Matt so. Ikaw bakla ka! Lagi mo akong iniiwan sa dancefloor!” Sabay hampas ko kay Pierce na kinatawa naman ng huli.

“Sorry na! Ikaw ha! I saw you! Naguusap kayo ni Amiel kanina. Naku!” Pailing iling ang baklang kaibigan.

“I told you. I just want to clear my head kaya doon ako malapit sa bintana umupo. Nagulat nalang ako andun na siya.” Walang gana kong sagot pero hindi siya kumbinsido. I saw Penelope shifted her weight.

Nang matapos kaming maglunch ay umakyat na kami ng classroom. Tumabi sakin si Pierce dito sa last row at sa tabi niya ang pinsan niya kaya ng makita kong pumasok sina Amiel sa room kasama ang tropa niya, sa kabilang dulo siya ng last row umupo kahit na andaming bakanteng upuan sa tabi ni Penelope.

I chuckled internally. Surely you can’t be awkward with each other. Nagkahiyaan pa kayo. Baka magkadevelopan kayo niyan at mabalitaan nalang namin makalawa kayo na? Mga malalandi!

Dahil may exams naman ako at hindi rin makakalabas ng school, sinabi ko kay Matt na kumain na siya at siya na ang kumain ng baon ko. Pumayag naman ang huli. Dapat lang! Pwede siyang mamatay sa gutom o kainin niya iyon. His choice.

“Naku mabuti at naubos mo ang pagkain mo anak. Bukas dadamihan ko. Para may energy ka magexam. May gusto kabang luto?” Masayang masaya ang matanda ng makitang ubos ang lunchbox ko. Masarap magluto si manang Lupe but I don’t think I can eat that in school. I didn’t respond dahil baka mabigo lang siya kapag nalaman niyang si Matt ang kumain ng luto niya.

And she did have her heart broken. Nakatayo siya sa may island counter ng madinig niya ang tanong ni dad. Hindi na ako nagaksaya ng panahong panoorin siya pero natanaw kong bahagyang umawang ang bibig niya.

“What did you eat for lunch?” Si daddy. Wow. Maaga umuwi tonight ah? Bantay sarado yan?

“Just… some salad.”

He sighed. “And why did you get yourself a salad? Magsabi ka kay manang kung anong luto ang gusto mo para-”

“I still have some cash. You can’t make me eat in a lunchbox making the entire school think that I can’t afford a meal in the cafeteria!”

Kunot noong hinubad ni daddy ang salamin niya at bumaling sakin. “Of course not. Why are you even thinking that way? There’s nothing wrong with that. Ang mommy mo-”

“Well you are not in my position so you will never understand what I am feeling!” I snapped. I saw his offended look as his eyes are getting bloodshot by the minute and bago pa siya magpuyos sa galit eh pinutol ko na siya.

“Let’s stop talking. I want to eat in piece so I can sleep early for my exams tomorrow.” I need to eat dahil gutom na gutom ako! Salad lang ang kinain ko kaninang lunch!

He exhaled abruptly. “Hah! So I have to be grateful that you are having dinner with me? You are grounded, Reina! This kind of attitude will not do you any good I tell you. How about you start appreciating things that are for your sake-” He is gritting his teeth but it’s not like I will back down with just that.

“How is that good for me? You cut my cards! How can I shop for-”

“Stop talking back, Reina Ariane!” Padarag niyang nahampas ang mesa at nanginginig na dinuro ako “Ang lakas ng loob mong sumagot sakin pagkatapos ng ginawa mo! You thought you can go to a bar and party by lying to me thinking you could get a way with drinking you brat-”

I laughed sarcastically “Oh! So you are calling me a brat now? Whose fault is that, I wonder?” I fired back.

“Aba’t! You.. are grounded! You will never leave the house on weekends unless you are with me! Keep on testing my patience, child, and I’ll take away your all your gadgets! You will stop having social life and I’ll cage you here hanggang magtino ka makikita mo!” Dad’s voice thundered na halos mayanig ang buong dining sa kanyang galit.

So much for having a peaceful dinner when we always clash and getting things heated every time. Panay ang igting ng panga ko habang pilit na inuubos ang pagkain ko kahit na nangingilid ang luha ko sa galit.

I am so angry! And I can’t do anything about it! How many times should I humiliate myself? I am mad pero kailangan kong sikmuraing kumain sa hapag or else magugutom ako! He’s getting unreasonable but if I keep on explaining myself then what? He’ll take away my gadgets he say? Fuck this shit!

And brat? Really? Best mo na yan? I hate you! I hate you daddy and I’m sure mommy hates you too for doing this to me!

“Sleep well, child. Good luck on your exams-” he said sighing but I’m tired of having another conversation kaya padarag akong umalis sa hapag ng mabusog na.

It’s not like something bad happened! It’s never a sin to go to a bar? Sumunod pa nga ako sa curfew and you were not happy with it? You should be thankful I’m not doing drugs! You are unbelievable!

You’ll see! I’ll get a condo when I get into college at gabi gabi akong magbabar! And you can’t do anything about it! You can’t control my life forever!

The tears I kept on suppressing were triggered without a warning the moment I closed my bedroom door. Over a night out magkakaganito ka sakin daddy! How could you!

Halos mahalikan ko tuloy ang cellphone ko. Hindi ko na ata makakayang walang gadgets. That’s just the lowest of low and I won’t take that.

I saw kuya Anton’s messages ng maglit up ang screen ng phone ko.

“Good luck. You can do it.”

“Pauwi kana ba? Take care, Reina.”

“What did you eat for dinner?”

“Are you asleep? Good night.”

Seriously? Andaming chats yet somehow I felt some comfort while reading it. Wala sa sarili akong napareply habang pinupunasan ang luha.

“I had another row with dad. He almost took away my gadgets.”

It’s almost ten in the evening pero ilang segundo lang ay nabasa niya agad ang reply ko. I almost chuckle. What? Are you not busy that you have time for this? I can almost assume that you are waiting for my messages.

“How are you?”

“You can talk to me. If you are comfortable.”

I stared at my screen for a minute. I can see message bubble popping in and out of our chat window. I wonder what was he typing?

“Are you asleep?” Nakabukas padin ang convo namin kaya makikita niyang naseen ko ang bagong chat niya.

“Thank you. Not yet.” I replied. I didn’t realize I stopped crying minutes ago.

Pawala wala ulit ang message bubble indicating that he is typing for a reply at halos ang kaloob looban ko naman ang magwala ng mabasa ang mensahe niya.

“Can I call?”

“I just want to make sure you are okay.” Pahabol niyang chat.

It’s weird. It’s awkward. But I just found myself talking to him over a call.

“Hello?” I said. I can hear his heavy breathing on the other line.

I heard another sigh “How are you.. feeling?”

I sniffed before checking my face for traces of tears. “I’m okay.. I guess.” Am I really okay? Why is my chest rising this way?

“Can you tell me what happened?” He asked breathily.

I sighed. I’m not sure if I can open up to someone about what happened to dinner. “It’s just.. I’m grounded that’s all.”

“Uhuh. Is that because.. you went to a bar that night?” He probed. Duh? Obviously.

“Yeah. Dad cut my cards and now I don’t have money! I only have less than one thousand pesos in my wallet! And he is expecting me to eat a packed lunch! That’s just so not happening!”

Tahimik lang na nakikinig si kuya Anton. I had to stop myself from unconsciously ranting. He might think I’m petty but then again, why am I expecting everyone to understand my situation.

“Sorry.” I muttered. Agad akong nahiya sa nasambit.

I heard him chuckled on the other line. “That’s okay. Don’t you want what’s prepared for you? You can ask your cook-”

“Of course not!” I sighed “I mean.. it’s just.. ugh! It’s embarrassing okay? Dad is not giving me cash and I’d rather starve myself that show it to the entire school that I am just bringing a lunch box dahil wala akong pera pambili sa cafeteria! If you are in my shoes you’ll understand.”

He sighed. “I understand, Reina.”

He what? The butterflies in my stomach suddenly went uneasy. I felt my face heated and my palm landed on my reddened cheek. I can see myself blushing at my reflection in my vanity mirror.

“What time is your first period tomorrow?”

“Uhm.. I have a class.. at seven.”

He let out another sigh. “Alright. It’s getting late. You should rest, princess. Good night.” I heard him say languidly.

My heart pounded more aggressively. My family, relatives and our family friends are calling me that. Why does it feel.. I don’t know.

“Good night.” Namamaos kong sabi.

“Sweet dreams, Reina.” His voice became husky too. I immediately dropped the call and buried my face on my pillow. I can feel my heart almost beat out of my rib cage.

Nakatulugan ko na ang paggulong sa kama kaya ng magising ako kinabukasan ay muntik akong malate. Medyo mugto din ang mata ko.

“Take care at school and good luck with your exams. Eat your lunch, princess.” I saw daddy’s text message. Wala na si siya ng bumaba ako. Nagkape lang daw at maaga ng tumulak paMECS.

“Ibang ulam naman ito anak. Ginawan din kita ng salad. Sana magustuhan mo.” Si manang Lupe na nilalagay sa insulated bag ang lunch ko.

Naawa naman ako kay manang na nilulutuan ako ng pagkain. It’s her job anyway dahil ito ang gusto ni dad but it’s just.. no one will ever understand me. They are not in my shoes. Titipirin ko nalang ang natitirang pera ko kesa mag ganyan.

I sighed. I guess I’ll buy a sandwich nalang later, huh?

Labag sa loob kong kinuha ang bag at lumabas na.

Kunot ang noo ko ng makitang pinark ni Matt ang SUV sa gilid ng main entrance.

“Why are we here?” Sa gilid sa may parking space ako nababa dahil may entrance don na malapit sa building ko. Pag sa main entrance kasi maglalakad pa ako ng onti.

“Saglit lang ho ma’am. Pwede na tayo dito pumasok. Maaga pa naman.”

Aba’t! Ang kapal ng mukha talaga nito.

“Hoy! Sino ka para magdesisyon sa gusto kong gawin? Dalhin moko sa main parking bilis!”

“Opo. Saglit lang. Bumaba nalang ho kayo Ma’am Ria.”

“What’s your problem, you idiot?!” I almost made a scene this early in the morning ng buksan ng bodyguard ang pinto ko.

Padarag akong lumabas at tiningala siya ng may matalim na titig. Sa malayong dako sa likod niya ay may natanaw akong pamilyar na bulto ng taong naglalakad.

“Uhh..” Shit. Napalingon din ang unggoy kong bodyguard sa likod.

“Engineer. Maaga ho si Ma’am Ria kaya-”

“I know. I only need five, Matthew.”

Yumuko ang bodyguard ko at dumistansya sa gilid namin. Mabilis akong napalingon sa mga estudyanteng pumapasok sa main entrance.

What just happened? Matthew? Why is he here?

“Good morning, Reina.” both hands in his side pockets, Kuya Anton towered over me, giving me shade against the sun.

Kabanata 7

“Good morning, Reina.”

I stared at kuya Anton in awe. Mas tumingkad ang moreno niyang kulay ngayong nasisinagan siya ng araw. Wearing corporate attire really suits him.

“M-Morning.. uhh.. w-what are you doing h-here?” Gosh! Paano kung makita ako ng mga classmates ko? Nina Pierce? Shit! Ni Amiel?

He sighed before picking out his wallet from his back pocket. My lips parted in shock when I saw him handed me a black card.

“W-What is t-this?”

He languidly stared at me as if he find my question ridiculous. “I’m giving you my card.”

Uhuh. “W-Why?”

He heaved a deep sigh “So you can buy whatever you want?”

Nanatiling laglag ang panga ko. Why is he doing this? Dad is going to be mad. I’m fucking grounded!

I chuckled nervously “I-It’s okay. Don’t bother.. I’m o-okay-”

“But you said you want to buy your lunch at the cafeteria?” He twisted his lips and tilted his head to the side. He seemed bored at pilit ulit na inabot sakin ang card.

“Y-Yeah. P-Pero may lunch na a-ako…” stop stuttering!!

I am so flushed right now! Ramdam ko ang pag init ng pisngi at tenga ko! Oh my!

He chuckled. “I can see that. Are you going to eat that, though?”

I immediately shook my head. I don’t know why “Definitely… I mean… n-no…”

I heard him sighed before he closed the distance between us. I had to step back because my heart is pounding so hard I thought I have to keep us apart for it to calm down.

“Then take my card. So you can buy whatever you want to eat.” Muli niyang inabot sakin ang black card niya.. tempting me to use his money.

“Ahm.. some stores might not accept cards.. c-cash ang kailangan ko.”

Really? Really?! Iyan talaga ang tanong mo Ria? That’s your issue? Hindi ang kung pwede bang gamitin ang pera niya? At kung bakit ka niya pahihiramin ng card?

His shoulders shook as he chuckled. Halos matulala ako sa ayos niya “Then I’ll send you money alright?”

My eyes went down to his card and I can see my lunch bag underneath. I had to close my mouth at baka tumulo pa ang laway ko. My God, too much embarrassment!

“B-but..” I sighed. “May l-lunch na ako.” Namamaos kong daing.

“Hmm. You can give it to me, then. In exchange for my card.” He said languidly making me look up to him. Sinalubong ako ng namumungay niyang mga mata.

He did it again. Licking his lips while staring at me intently. “I completely understand your father and his way to discipline you. You.. went to a bar without him knowing. He is only thinking about your safety… but I don’t want you to think that I’m doing this to tolerate you.. especially you wasting food just because you.. are embarrassed to eat it at school.”

Halos sabay kaming mapabuntong hininga. When he said it… tinamaan ako. Halos kilabutan ako sa hiya pero pag kay daddy nagmamatigas ako. Naalala ko ang malungkot na ngiti ni manang Lupe, she’s hoping that I’ll eat what she have cooked for me today.

He knocked off some senses on me alright.

“But at the same time, I don’t want you stressing over lunch, when you can just solely focus on passing your exams.”

Halos habulin ko ang aking hininga at mapalinga sa paligid dahil hindi ko matagalan ang paninitig niya sakin. This unfamiliar feeling is making my head hurt to process. I don’t understand… everything.

“So if you are uncomfortable, then let me make it easy for you.”

Napasinghap ako sa narinig. Unti unting nanunubig ang mga mata ko. I’m so.. frustrated and sad at the same time! I don’t deserve this kind of punishment!

He believed what I did was wrong but him still giving me money just to buy my whims touched my heart. Some people might think I’m being petty, that I’m being ungrateful pero wala sila sa kalagayan ko. I’m not used to this. Of course they wouldn’t know but to judge what I am suffering!

Nanginginig ang kamay kong kinuha ang card at hinawakan iyon ng mahigpit. Dinig ko ang buntong hininga ni kuya Anton ng gawin ko iyon. Mabilis kong tinanaw ang nasa likod niya. Not sure if Matt is listening pero nakatuon ang atensyon niya sa gate ng school ko.

Nagiwas ako ng tingin at hindi mapigilang mangiti. Oh my gosh! I can’t believe he lend me his card! I won’t be buying sandwich later. I can buy more!

“H-hahanapin sakin ang lalagyan ng l-lunch ko.” I pouted. He asked for my packed lunch in exchange of his card.

He barked another chuckle. Why do I find it sexy? Damn! Of all the things, Ria!

“I’ll make sure to return your tupperware, then. You can ask your househelp to put it in a paper container next time? So it would be disposable.” He watched me get my lunchbox in my insulated bag. Halos makuryente ako ng mahawakan niya ang kamay ko ng kunin iyon.

“O-okay.” Next time? You mean bukas kukunin mo ulit ang lunch ko?

“Thank you. Are you sure you don’t want to eat this? It looks delicious.” He crouched to meet my eyes but I kept my head bowed. I am biting my lower lip harshly while curling my toes inside my shoes.

“I.. I’ll eat my salad.. and I’ll buy.. pasta l-later.”

“Alright. Thank you for this. You should go or you’ll be late. Good luck on your exams today.” Grabe ang paghuhuramentado ng puso ko when he started patting my head. I can’t even blink when he put some strands of my hair at the back of my ear.

“Thank you.. uhh..”

Nakita kong tumaas ang kilay niya habang ikom ang mga labi, anticipating what I’ll say.

“A-Anton.” I said breathily. All the hair in my body rises when I said his name. How his name rolls in my tongue differently.

I saw the side of his lips rose when he heard me called him by his name. “You’re welcome.” He said it so low I can hear his voice vibrating.

Halos diko malingon ang aking bodyguard sa hiya. Tahimik siyang lumalakad sa gilid ko habang papunta kami ng building ko.

“Don’t.. tell dad.” I ordered without looking at him. I heard him inhaled deeply.

“Yes ma’am.” He responded.

I sighed. Why are you doing this? I am your boss. Paanong may contact ka kay kuya Anton at may ganun kayong usapan?

Come to think of it, sa bar din noon ganyan siya. Did kuya Anton know where to find me because you told him?

Oh well. Another time. Kuya Anton is right. Right now, my focus is to pass all my exams or else dad will be fuming mad. I don’t want to cause another disappointment.

Hindi ako nakapagreview kagabi at dahil tapos na ang exam namin sa first period, nagreview nalang ako para sa mamayang hapon habang naghihintay sa teacher.

I was so focused on reading that I didn’t give much attention to what’s happening inside the classroom. Pinili kong maupo ulit sa may tabi ng bintana sa bandang likuran. May naririnig akong tawanan at bulungan sa last row pero hindi ko pinapansin. Bumubungisngis pa ang katabi ko sa tila kausap niya pero hinahayaan ko lang.

“Ang ganda sa malapitan pare-”

“Tabi.” Dinig kong may umangil sa may gilid ko.

“Dude. Find your seat. Andaming bakante-”

“Tangina aalis kaba o hindi?!” A familiar voice roared yet again I didn’t even raise my head up  to look as I am so occupied in reading.

Medyo nalulutang ako sa ibang terminologies at kung mageenumeration mamaya, baka hindi ko ito makuha ng tama. Shit!

Someone settled beside me and I inhaled a familiar scent for me to ignore too. Hanggang sa nanahimik na ang classroom namin eh nakayuko parin ako kakabasa.

I glanced in front when I heard the teacher greeted us a good morning. Mabilis kong tinago ang notes ko sa ibang subject.

“You brought.. lunch again?” I heard someone beside me asked. Nilingon ko ito at nakita si Amiel na nakapangalumbaba sa desk niya habang nakadungaw sa may sahig. Nasa ibaba tapat lang ng arm chair ko ang bag at ang lunch bag ko.

“Yup.” I answered bago umayos ng upo. My face heated. This is why I don’t want to bring this. Nakakahiya!

Mabuti nalang at hindi na siya nagusisa pa dahil baka kainin nalang ako ng lupa. Wala na masyadong ginagawa sa mga subjects na tapos na ang midterms. Either magchecheck kami ng test paper dahil tamad ang teacher o pinapayagan kaming magreview sa iba pang subject.

“Pano na ang PE natin? Diyos ko naiisip ko palang nanlalambot nako sa practical!” chat ni Pierce sa groupchat namin.

Shoot! Isa pa pala iyan.

I don’t know how to play basketball. Iyon ang PE namin. Shooting daw ang exam namin bukas ng hapon. Halos muntik ko ng mabagsak ang first term kahit na dribbling lang iyon. Paano pa ngayon?

“I think by pair naman ulit ang exam. Sana lang maayos ang pagpili ng kapartner.” I saw Penelope’s reply pero diko sineen.

Right. For equal opportunity, pinepair up ni coach ang girls sa boys para daw teamwork ang scoring. Sana lang magaling ang kapartner ko.

I got myself a plate of lasagna and a mocha Frappuccino for lunch. May baon akong salad so I guess it’s okay. I don’t want to eat that heavy din since I’m on a diet reason why ayokong kainin ang luto ni manang. Nagrarice lang ako sa bahay lalo na pag kasabay si daddy.

I can’t help but smile from ear to ear. I must thank kuya Anton’s generosity for lending me his card with only my lunch in return. Pabalik nako sa table ko ng makasalubong ko ang maingay na grupo nina Amiel. Mariin ang titig niya sakin kahit na kinakausap siya ng lalaking teammate, kita kong bumaba ang tingin niya sa tray na hawak ko.

Shit! Mabilis akong umiwas ng daan at ginilid ang tray. Andun ang card ni Anton! Hindi ko matakpan dahil hawak ko ng dalawang kamay ang magkabilang gilid ng tray.

I hope he didn’t notice. Well, unlike kuya Anton, tanda ko na wala namang photographic memory si Amiel. May pangalan kasi ng kuya niya ang card. Dapat wala nalang eh! Diba pwede iyon?

Pagkaupo ay mabilis kong itinago sa wallet ko ang card. Narinig kong tumikhim si Pierce kaya napaangat ang tingin ko sakanya. Katabi niya ang bitch niyang pinsan na tahimik lang na nakatingin. Gusto ko siyang taasan ng kilay.

Got a problem, bitch?

“You ordered ulit?” Ani Pierce kaya napabalik ang tingin ko sakanya.

“Uhuh.” Walang gana kong sabi habang nilalapag sa mesa ang plate ng lasagna at ang frappe para malagay ko sa gilid naming mesa ang tray.

“San ka kumuha ng pera?” Naniningkit na matang tanong ni Pierce.

“Uhh.. I have my m-money pa diba? I-Iyon.”

“Pero may baon ka oh..” sabay tulak niya sa lunch bag ko palapit sakin. Napairap nalang ako sa inis.

“Yes. And I’m still eating that. Wag ka ngang ano.” Nangingialam pa kasi.

Bumuntong hininga nalang ito at napatingin sa pinsan bago nanahimik. Andito kami sa cafeteria malapit sa library sa second floor at sa may overlooking window kami nakapwesto. Pag sa canteen kasi sa baba, medyo mainit at madaming tao kaya minsan ayaw ko don. Si Matt ay nakatayo sa gilid malapit sa entrance.

Kinuha ko ang phone ko habang humihiwa sa lasagna ng marinig ko ang chat notification nito.

“Are you having your lunch now?” Si Kuya Anton.

I smiled instantly. Nagsend ako ng picture ng pagkain ko sakanya. “Yup! Thank you!”

Ilang segundo pa ay nakareceive din ako ng picture mula sakanya. Kuha ito ng bukas na lunchbox ko na nakalagay sa puting mesa. May bawas na ang kanin. Nahagip din ang kamay niyang nakahawak sa kutsara. It looks so.. manly. Morenong kulay na nalalatagan ng manipis na buhok at may iilang ugat.

“You’re welcome. I’m eating the lunch you gave me too. Thank you, Reina.”

“You should eat what your househelp cooked for you. It’s healthier than that.” Pahabol niyang chat. Si ngealam din.

“It’s fine. I’m on a diet so I don’t want to eat rice all the time.” I replied.

“Maybe you can ask her to prepare something else? Para lutong bahay ang kinakain mo.”

Paradag kong nabitawan ang tinidor habang ngumunguya. Wait. Does this mean?

“Are you going to take back your card then? Since you want me to eat that?”

Lalo akong naaansha kakahintay ng reply niya dahil pawala wala ang message bubble. Well. It’s his card. Not mine. If ayaw na niya ako pahiramin. I guess I’ll find another way.

“Of course not. You can have my card for as long as you want. You can buy whatever you want.” Woah.

“I’m sorry. I just want you to eat something healthier.”

So nosy. Hindi ba healthy ang pasta? Duh!

But with his first message. I actually reacted a wow emoticon.

“Really? Does this mean I can use this to go out shopping?” Hindi ko mapigilang maexcite. Gosh!

“Are you allowed to go out?”

Natigilan ako ng mabasa ang mensahe niya. Oo nga pala. Pati weekends bawal akong lumabas. Pwede naman siguro? Kung kasama ko si Matt? You can’t be serious, dad?

“I gave you my card so you will be comfortable at school. I don’t mind you using that to shop for the things that you want but if you are not allowed, then I suggest not. Ayokong magduda ang daddy mo at magalit lalo sayo Reina.” Mahabang chat niya na lalo kong kinalumo.

That makes sense. Wala nga pala akong pera. Paano ko ieexplain kay daddy na bumili ako ng bagong bag kung kinuha niya ang cards ko?

I sighed. This is so unfair. I’m lucky that kuya Anton understand my situation. Kung hindi, nalugmok na siguro ako sa putikan. Yes! Ganung level! Kadiri diba? I don’t deserve this!

Nakita kong nagpop up ang sunod niyang mensahe ng umiinom ako sa biniling frappe. Hindi nga pala ako nakareply kakaisip.

“Eat your lunch and goodluck at school. I’ll meet you later to return this tupperware.”

“Okay. But my class ends at four tho.” Tapos naba ang trabaho nila ng ganoong oras?

“I’ll see you at four PM then.” Iyon na ang huling chat na nabasa ko ng tinago ko ang phone ko. Bahala na mamaya.

“Whoo! Kaloka iyon teh! Parang unti unting nauubos ang brain cells ko this week!” Daing ni Pierce pagkalabas namin classroom. Last period na namin ang exam at talagang nakakaaning nga. Kung hindi ako nagbasa kanina ay baka wala akong naisagot. Hindi ako confident sa ibang sagot ko pero sana pumasa padin ako kahit papano.

Penelope giggled. Ano kayang nakakatawa? “Ang hirap nga. Buti nalang at nagreview tayo kaninang tanghali dahil kung hindi itlog ang score nating tatlo.”

Halos pigilan ko ang sarili na mapailing. I can’t with this girl. So you’ll act nothing after what you’ve done? At talagang feeling close kapa sakin? Kung hindi pala kita nahuli, magpapanggap ka na parang wala lang? Bitch!

Sa may main parking ng school kami lumabas sa may east side and I already spotted the black Montero parked beside my car. Nagahip ko pa ang pagsignal ng headlights nito pero hindi ako makalapit dahil kasama ko ang mga kaklase.

“Matagal paba ang driver niyo Penn? Sabay nalang kaya tayo kay Ria.” Suhestiyon ni Pierce. What? No!

I won’t let that snake ride my car. Ang kapal!

Hilaw akong napangisi. Palihim na nililingon ang Montero sa gilid. “Ano bang sabi?”

“I’m here.” Nabasa kong chat ni kuya Anton. Yup. I saw you! Just you wait!

“I texted mom. Malelate lang daw pero nakaalis na eh. On the way na yun dito couz.” Sagot ni Penelope.

“My classmates are still here. Can you wait? If not, you can give the tupperware to Matt.” I sent my reply.

“There. Hintayin nalang natin.” Sagot ko sakanila matapos tignan muli ang Montero. Tinted ang sasakyan kaya hindi ko makita ang ginagawa ng nasa loob.

“Oks lang ano kaba! Andiyan na ang driver mo. Grounded ka huy kaya mauna kana. Maghihintay nalang kami here.” Ani Pierce.

That’s the problem. I’m not… going home yet.

“I’ll wait for you then.” I saw kuya Anton’s reply. Tsk! Ano ba naman iyan!

“Let’s wait at the nearby cafeteria.” I suggested after reading kuya Anton’s chat just so we can get the fuck out of here.

“Huy! Gastos ka nanaman. Hindi na. Dito na kami maghihintay. Couz matagal paba?” Mahina akong hinampas sa braso ni Pierce bago lingunin ang makating pinsan.

“Malapit na daw. Nagtext na yung driver namin eh.” Palingon lingon naman ang gaga sa may labas ng parking para sa mga sasakyang papasok.

Napafacepalm ako sa inis. Why is this so difficult? Nasa labas na ng SUV ko si Matt, nakatanaw samin. Bat kasi hindi nalang ibigay sakanya ng makaalis na siya at makauwi na din ako?

“Are you going to wait with us? Okay lang Ria. Malapit na yung driver pwede kanang mauna para dika mapagalitan-”

I saw Penelope pursed her lips when I turned to her angrily. With confused look, she titled her head. “May.. problema ba?”

Sumingit naman ang bakla niyang pinsan “Oo nga. Ayaw mo paba umuwi? Bakla grounded ka. Iinisin mo bang talaga si tito Rico?”

I can’t helped but groan in frustration “No! It’s just.. I’ll wait with you guys. Andiyan naman na ah? Saglit nalang iyan.” Asik ko sabay lingon sa may labasan. Asan naba kasi ang punyetang driver na iyan? Kung samin iyan ganyan then he’s fired already!

“Hmm. May hinihintay.” Napairap ako ng marinig ang malisyosong bulong ni Pierce sa pinsan.

Minutes have gone by bago dumating ang driver nila. Mabuti naman dahil lalo akong nayayamot kakatanggi sa pagaakusa ni Pierce na baka may hinihintay daw ako. Kung nakikita lang sana ng driver nina Penelope kung gano katalim ang titig ko sakanya. Stupid! Incompetent! Off all the time na malelate ka ngayon pa!

Nakita kong kumaway ang magpinsan na nasa loob na ng sasakyan sakin. “Bye baks! Goodluck sa paghihintay.” Kumindat pa si Pierce habang kumakaway. Napairap akong ngumisi.

“Bye. Ingat kayo.”

Inantay kong makalabas ang sasakyan nila sa parking lot bago ako lumakad palapit sa sasakyan ko.

Nang makalapit sa sariling SUV ay siya namang pagbukas ng pinto ng Montero ni kuya Anton. Nakasuot siya ng itim na long sleeve polo na nakatupi hanggang siko at slacks. Umikot siya papunta sa kinatatayuan ko habang hawak ang tupperware.

I sighed. Minwestra ko ang palad para makuha iyon. “Next time. Iabot mo nalang kay Matt. Para hindi na ako maghintay at hindi kana rin mahassle.” Annoyance dripped from my voice like acid.

I saw him swallowed hard. “Alright. I’m sorry. Did I.. make you uncomfortable?”

I exhaled deeply. “It’s just.. I want to avoid the talk. Baka kasi.. makita ka ng mga classmates ko.. or ng kapatid mo. B-Baka lang.. may masabi sila..”

Because its true! Wala namang masama sa intensyon niya and definitely I’m the one benefiting from this, pero mahirap ng maissue lalo na kung walang katotohanan. Duh!

Pinagpag ko ang kamay kong nasa ere. Saka niya lang inabot sakin ang tupperware.

I saw him sighed. “I understand. So what do you.. suggest?”

Ahm.. huh?

He let out another sigh “I’ll come by tomorrow morning.. to get your lunch. How.. should we meet then?”

Oh!

“Uhh.. well.. I’ll talk to manang tonight if it’s possible na disposable na lalagyan na nga lang. And.. pwedeng si Matt nalang ang magabot sayo.”

I knew he was not convinced but he still nodded obediently. His lips twisted as he stared at his black shoes. “Alright. Whatever you want, Reina.”

Nanunuyo ang lalamunan kong titigan siya. “O-Okay. Thank you.. dito. Una na ako.”

He licked his lips before nodding. Namumungay ang mata niya ng lingunin ako kaya mabilis akong nagiwas ng tingin. I saw Matt opened the door of the backseat for me. “Take care on your way home.” Dinig kong pahabol ni kuya Anton pero mabilis na akong sumakay ng sasakyan.

Malelate daw si daddy ng uwi kaya mauuna akong kakain. Nagtext lang ako sakanya na nasa bahay na ako. Hilaw na ngisi ang binigay sakin ni manang Lupe ng nakuha niya ang lunch bag pagkalapit ko sa island counter.

“Kamusta? Nagustuhan mo ba ang luto ko?”

Bored akong tumango. “It’s.. good. I loved the salad too.” Totoo naman iyon. Iyong salad lang ang kinain ko at nagustuhan ko talaga iyon.

Nakita kong lumiwanag ang mukha ng matanda. “Talaga? Naku mabuti. Hayaan mo bukas igagawa kita ulit ng salad. Matutuwa ang daddy mo na masus-”

“Manang.” I cut her off. Mabilis naman itong lumingon sa akin, nakangiti parin.

“Pwede bang.. sa disposable na lalagyan mo na ilalagay ang lunch ko?”

Kita ko ang lito sa matanda sa pagkunot ng kilay nito. Bago pa siya magisip ng hindi maganda ay nagpatuloy nako.

“Mabigat ang bag na dala ko. It’s annoying. Kung disposable, pwede kong itapon nalang ang lalagyan pagtapos kong kumain para magaan nalang ang bag ko.”

Mukhang nakumbinsi ko naman siya kaya bumalik ang sigla sa mukha niya. Napabuntong hininga pa ito na tila nawala ang kaba.

“Tama ka. Osige di bale, bukas papabili ako kay Mina kung iyon ang gusto mo.” Tipid akong ngumiti at tumango.

“Are you about to sleep?” Kuya Anton messaged while I was brushing my hair in front of my vanity mirror.

I sighed. Here we go again. I don’t know with these messages seriously. At kung bakit ganito nalang ang kaba ko every time na magchachat ang taong to.

“Yeah.” I replied.

Binaba ko ang brush at dumiretso na ng kama. Tumunog ang phone ko para sa panibagong notification.

“I just got out of the shower. Are you going to sleep now?”

Uhm. Diba about to sleep na nga? To naman si kuya Anton!

“Can I still call? Is it okay?” Napaawang ang labi ko ng mabasa ang sunod niyang chat kaya napatigil ako sa pagtipa.

What now?

Agad kong binura ang dapat sana ipangbabara ko sakanya. Ngayon naman wala akong mareply. Anong isasagot ko?

“Why? Is something wrong?” I typed in my reply after thinking for it for minutes!

Mabilis niyang naseen ang chat ko at ngayon ay nagtatype na siya ng sagot. Mabigat na ang paghinga ko at madiin ang pagkagat sa labi habang inaantay na magappear ang tinatype niyang reply.

“I just want to check on you before you sleep. Can I?”

Muli akong nagisip ng isasagot pero dahil umabot ang ilang minuto at wala pa ay napabalikwas ako sa kama dahil nagring na ang phone ko sa incoming call niya. Tumawag na siya at hindi na hinintay ang reply ko!

Saglit kong hinawi ang buhok ko sa may balikat at mabilis na hinilamos ang palad sa mukha. Maayos naman ang itsura ko at nakapagskincare naman ako pero bakit ako nakoconscious?

I pressed the answer button and it flashed me his thick eyebrows and forehead.

“Hi.” I heard his husky voice from the other line.

Para hindi halata, bahagya kong nilihis ang cam para mahawi ko sa mas magandang anggulo ang buhok ko. Why is this even necessary? I don’t know.

“H-Hi.” Sagot ko.

“Are you in bed?” He asked languidly.

“Yeah.”

I heard him chuckle “I can’t see you though.”

Do you really have to? Ugh! Ayos Ria! Muli kong pinarte ang buhok ko.

“I-Ikaw din naman. N-Noo mo lang.. ang kita ko.” Natapat tuloy sa mukha ko ang camera ng di mapigilang barahin siya sa kaba.

I heard him cleared his throat bago niya inayos ang anggulo ng camera. I automatically bit my lower lip sa di mawaring pakiramdam ng makita ko ang kabuuan ng mukha niya. Dim na ang ilaw ng kwarto niya pero may tamang liwanag na nagpapatingkad ng tangos ng ilong niya. I can also see his stubble from here.

“There. Can you see me now? Or should I turn the lights on?”

With lips now apart, I nodded. “It’s.. okay.. I can s-see you now.”

The side of his lips then rose. “Alright. I can see you too.”

Peke akong naubo at kunwari ay natawa. Bahagya kong tinutok ang front cam sa mukha ko dahil hawak hawak ko ang dibdib kong naghuhuramentado sa tagpo.

“Bakit ka pala.. tumawag?”

I heard him sighed. Unti unting sumeryoso ang mukha niya. Is something wrong? Babawiin naba niya.. ang card niya?

“Gusto ko lang sanang magpaalam..” okay? For what?

“Uhuh?” I raised a brow to probe but he just let out another deep sigh.

“I’ll be out of the country for work. This week ang alis ng team ko.”

Okay. What does it have to do me? I dare not ask.

I stared at my screen dahil ganun din ang ginagawa niya. Hindi ko alam ang isasagot at hindi ko naman matanong sakanya ang naisip ki kaya nanatili akong nakanguso.

“I’ll be gone.. for months. Is that okay?”

Seriously. My brows creased. “Uhm.. yeah? Bakit naman hindi?” Hilaw akong napangisi at unti unting naiinis. Bakit ba siya nagpapaalam? At bakit naman ako kinakabahan? Wala lang naman sakin kung magtrabaho siya sa kung saan.

Umayos siya ng pagkakasandal sa headboard ng kanyang kama kaya bahagyang nababa ang anggulo ng camera niya.. exposing his bare chest with thin layers of hair. Damn it!

“Well, you are grounded so.. if you need anything.. can I call you like this? At least before you sleep? Is it okay?”

Unti unting gumagapang ang mainit na pakiramdam sa mukha ko. It’s good that my lights are dimmed too or else he will see how flushed I am with his questions.

I chuckled nervously “Y-You don’t have to. You’ll be busy with work and.. we will be in different timezones so I think-”

“I’ll be busy, yes, so I can’t message you all the time but maybe I can call you at night instead before you sleep? Just to check.. if you are okay?”

Halos mapudpod ang labi ko sa kakakagat. Hindi ko alam kung naririnig niya ba ang lalim ng paghinga ko pero sana naman ay hindi. Fuck! Fuck this! What are you doing, Anthony?

“We don’t know when will your father lift his.. punishment for what you did.. you have my card but.. in case you need anything else, or if there is a problem, is it okay if you tell me?”

“B-But.. w-why?” Why are you doing this? Why would have to go these lengths just to help me out? Why care for me so much? Why are you making me confused?

Bumuntong hininga siya at tinitigan ako sa screen. Para akong lumulutang sa ere sa kanyang namumungay na mga mata. “I just want to make everything easier for you. So you won’t have a hard time.”

Hilaw akong napangisi. “Well you’re right. Hindi natin alam kelan magbabago ang isip ni daddy. Paano pala kung next week hindi na ako grounded? So I won’t need your help anymore? I can just keep your card until you’re back home.”

Looking as if defeated, he sighed before nodding. Tila bigo ng marealize ang sinabi ko at hindi na makasagot kaya wala na sa screen ang tingin.

I sighed. “But.. it’s okay.. I guess.. y-you can call me.. if you’re not t-tired.. or not busy-”

I swear I saw his face brightened the moment I continued that he didn’t let me finish “I won’t. I’ll always have time to call you just before you sleep. That will work for me. If it’s okay with you.”

Muli kong nakagat ang labi ng tumango. He is smiling so wide I can see his pearl-white set of teeth from here. I pursed my lips to try and hide mine. Bakit… ako naeexcite? Or am I? What?

“Thank you, Reina.”

With lips protruding, I tried to respond “W-Welcome.”

“Anong exam mo bukas?” He switched to another topic just that? Pero ako naghuhuramentado parin ang puso sa napagusapan kanina.

Tatawag siya kamo? Gabi gabi? At.. pumayag ako?

I’m getting crazy. Hindi ko pa iyon napaprocess pero siya parang okay lang?

Sinubukan kong tumikhim para makasagot “Ahm.. PE sa hapon.. iyon lang ata.” Kung saan saang parte ng kwarto na ako tumitingin dahil tanaw na tanaw sa screen ang mariing titig niya sakin.

“Okay. Good luck with that. You should sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Huh? Kunot noo akong napabaling sa screen and it made him chuckle. Why.. does it sound so… seductive? This is bullshit!

“For my lunch?” He is grinning while raising a brow na para bang may kung anong mali sa reaksyon ko.

Right. I’ll give him my packed lunch in exchange for his card. Oo nga pala. “Y-Yeah. Okay. S-See you.”

I can see him twisting his lips “Good night, Reina.”

“G-Good night.”

“Alright. Ibaba mo n-”

Agad ko ng binaba ang tawag kahit na nagsasalita pa siya. Saka ko lang napakawalan ang malalim na buntong hininga na tila naipon kanina pa.

“Oh my God.” I muttered. Just.. what the hell did just happen? Why am I feeling this?

Muli kong hinawakan ang dibdib at napakabilis padin ng kalabog nito. Napapikit ako ng mariin at napapadyak sa kama. Hinahapos ako ng paghinga at hindi ata ako patutulugin nitong nagwawala kong mga paru-paro.

Kabanata 8

“Why do you want to have it in a disposable container? We have something that’s more durable.” Dad started his interrogation with me so early in the morning ng madinig ang masayang si manang na hinahanda ang baon ko sa school.

I sighed. “So it would be convenient. I’ll throw them out once I’m finished and I won’t have to carry heavy sh-.. stuff.” I had to bite my lip when I almost said something stupid.

Naniningkit na mata ang binigay ni daddy bago bumuntong hininga at tumango. Thank God he is calm today. He even kissed me goodbye nung gumayak na ako paschool.

“I’m in front of your school. I’ll wait for you. Take care, Reina.” I read kuya Anton’s chat.

“Meet me in the parking lot instead.” I sent my reply. Ayoko ng sa harap na kami ng school magkikita dahil madaming estudyanteng pumapasok. Maaga pa naman at late naman minsan si Amiel so hindi niya kami makikita kung sakali.

For me to be this bothered that people might see us drives me crazy. I mean there’s nothing wrong but I can’t afford foolish gossips spreading around.

Pagkadating ng parking lot ng school ay natanaw ko na agad ang itim na Montero ni kuya Anton. I parked my own SUV beside his. I had to survey the entire space before stepping out of the car just to make sure there’s no familiar faces around.

Nakababa ang bintana niya ng lumabas ako kaya agad kaming nagkatinginan. His lips are on a grim while he stared at me intently. Not that it will intimidate me but.. I felt something.. in my stomach.

“Good morning, engineer.” Dinig kong bati ni Matt mula sa likod ko. Kuya Anton curtly nodded at him before his eyes went back to me. Kusang humigpit ang hawak ko paper container na binalot pa ng plastic ni manang para daw di matapon. Matt is holding my things.

“Good morning. I can’t stay long.” Bungad niya ng bumaba siya ng Montero. I even saw Matt on my peripheral walked away at a distance to give us some privacy.

“It’s.. okay. G-Good morning. Here’s.. your lunch.” Mabilis kong inabot ang lalagyan ng kanin at ulam sakanya habang nakaderetso ang tingin sakanyang leeg for I can’t stare at his dark gaze.

“What will you have for lunch later today?” He asked, hands in his pocket leaving my hand gripped tighter on the damn paper container. Ayaw pa kasi kunin!

“I’ll have… whatever. Here. Take this.” Sabay mwestra ko ulit ng pagkain.

He sighed before placing his palm below my hands that are holding the food. Gustohin ko mang kumawala eh mahigpit ang alalay niya sa kamay ko na para bang matatapon ang pagkain.

“I don’t want you to think that I’m taking away your lunch. I’m not really asking for anything in return when I gave you-”

“Just take it!” Asik ko para mapigilan na ang tagpo. I can feel the heat rushing through my cheeks. Let go of my hand, please!

Halos itulak ko na sakanya ang baunan kaya maingat niya iyong kinuha at hinawakan ng isang kamay. “Thank you. Please eat something healthy for lunch. Buy anything you want.” Paalala niya.

“Yup. T-Thanks again. Uhh… i-ingat kayo.. with our project.” I took a quick glance on his face and I saw how his eyes fixated on the side of my face. What are you staring at? May dumi ba? His eyes then brighten up as if he is waiting for me to stare at him all this time.

“Mmhmm. It’s just.. for a few months. I’ll come home from time to time.” Yeah. No need to tell me. I’m fully aware of the length of the contract we often have, minsan hindi lang one year iyon lalo na kung malaking proyekto ang tatapusin. Kaya din halos isang araw ang tinitigil ni daddy sa musuleo ni mommy bago siya tumulak noong may projects din siya abroad. Hindi niya naman ako masama because I have school.

“Yeah. Ito ba yung.. sa Barcelona?” Muli akong nagangat ng tingin sakanya.

His lips twisted as his head remain tilted to stare at the side of my face before meeting my eyes. I started getting conscious. Was it my neck? My.. ear? “Yes. We have two condo towers to build. I’m still packing my things. I’m leaving on Friday.”

Simple ko ding hinaplos ang baba ng tenga ko para malaman kung ano bang meron doon. I’m sure as hell don’t have a hickey! Suot ko parin naman ang kwintas ni mommy. What’s wrong?

Kunwari ay lumingon ako sa paligid dahil sa sobrang awkward. Gosh! May mga estudyante na dito oh! “Alright. Have a safe flight then. Good luck with those projects.” Tumango tango pa ako habang palinga linga kung may matatanaw bang kakilala.

Halos matutop ko ang labi ng humakbang siya para isarado ang kaunting distansya namin. Hindi naman ako makakaatras dahil tatama ang likod ko sa side mirror ko. Damn it!

“Thank you. Be good, kay? Please take care of yourself. Don’t press your father’s buttons so much.” He chuckled.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang uunahing isipin… ang bilis ba ng tibok ng puso ko dahil sa kaba.. ang pagiging malapit namin o ang mahina niyang pagtawa na may kakaibang dulot sa akin.

Nakanguso akong napabaling sakanya. It’s not like it’s intentional! Dad is just overreacting. “I’m not! I.. he’s just.. never mind.”

He inhaled deeply and I almost jumped when he put the hair flowing on my face on the back of my ear. Halos manindig ang balahibo ko ng maramdaman ang daliri niya sa tenga ko. His finger slightly brushed my earlobe bago siya umayos ng tayo at binalik ang libreng kamay sa bulsa.

“I’m gonna.. I should go.. I don’t want to hold you off any longer. Good luck with your exams, Reina.” He breathed heavily while I almost struggle to even exhale.

Napansighap ako bago mabilis na tumango at lumakad palayo. I didn’t care to say goodbye dahil sa sobrang pagwawala ng dibdib ko. Mabilis ang bawat hakbang ko para makalayo sa parking lot na iyon. Nakasunod naman si Matt sa likod ko.

I knew that I’ll sit at the back again kaya ganun nalang ang pagkunot ng noo ko ng makita sina Penelope at Pierce na nakapwesto sa hanay bago maglast row. Nahuli ko ang paglingon ni Penelope sa pinto na para bang may inaabangan at ganun nalang ang pagiwas ng magtama ang tingin namin.

Hah! Waiting for someone?

“Taray! Di late! Tabi tayo te dito ka!” Tawag sakin ni Pierce. Kanina paba sila? Saan sila pumasok? Sa main entrance ba? Or fuck! Sa gilid sa may parking?

May bakanteng upuan sa dulo ni Penn malapit sa bintana at sa hanay naman ni Pierce ay may dalawa pa. Ang last row na inuupuan ko ay puno na ng mga lalakeng kaklase. Of course I won’t sit beside that bitch! Tumabi ako kay Pierce at agad na nagusisa.

“Kanina pa kayo? Asa parking ako kanina. Diko kayo nakita.” Maingat kong tanong. Kunwari ay kuryoso lang kahit na wala naman akong pakialam.

“Ay wiz! Diyan kami sa main gate hinatid kanina. Sumabay ako kay couz. Need kasi ni tita Jocelyn yung driver nila kaya binaba lang kami tas gumora na siya.” Sagot naman ni Pierce.

Thank God! We were out in the open. At wala akong maisip kung pano ieexplain.. kung bakit kami nagkikita ng kapatid ni Amiel.. para sa pagkain.

Daldal ng daldal ang baklang si Pierce habang ako naman ay nakapangalumbabang nakatulala sa harapan. Ilang saglit pa ay dumating na ang teacher namin dala ang test papers. Shocks! Kamusta? Pasado ba ako? Duh! I should pass!

“You guys are late. Again.” Dinig kong sita ng teacher ng may maiingay na pumasok.

I wasn’t able to stare at the door as I am occupied with my phone.. and my heart that is pounding.

“We have an early meeting. Nandyan na ba ang teacher niyo?” Tanong ni kuya Anton sa messenger.

“Pre diyan ako mabilis ako maihi eh.” Tawag ng isang lalaki ng may umupo sa bakanteng upuan sa kaliwa ko.

“Yup. Ngayon ibibigay ang test paper namin. Hope I passed!” I replied. Sabi ko naman madali ang subject na to pero bakit ba ako napaparanoid?

Isa isa ng nagtatawag si ma’am para kunin ang papel sa harap.

“Tsk! Bala ka nga! Mahuhuli ako pag palabas labas ako ng room eh!” Dinig ko ang yamot ng kaklaseng dumaan sa may likod ko.

“You will! You did good. I know it.” Mabilis na reply ni kuya Anton.

“Keep your phone. Mahuhuli ka ni ma’am.” Halos mapapitlag ako ng may malalim na boses akong nadinig sa gilid ko.

I saw Amiel staring at my phone before his dark gaze met mine. Mabilis kong nilock ang phone ko at nilagay sa bulsa ng skirt ko. Pakelam mo ba?

I scanned the room and saw that all the arm chairs are filled. May nakaupo na sa tabi ni Penelope at ang bakante naman sa harap kong arm chair ay may nakaupo na ding lalaki.

“We have a class.” Dinig kong mababang bulong ni Amiel. “Whoever you are talking to should know that it’s not-”

“S-Sa.. bahay iyon… I just s-sent.. an update.” I reasoned out. I fear of being caught at halos di makaisip ng idadahilan. Bat kasi andito to e! You should have sit beside your snake girl!

“Tss.” I heard him reacted. Hindi ko na siya pinansin at humalukipkip. Sunod sunod ang tawag ni ma’am hanggang sa ako na ang tinawag.

I inhaled deeply ng mahawakan ko ang papel. Unti unti naman akong napangiti ng makita ang score ko. Forty seven out of sixty. Not bad. At least mataas pa sa kalahati.

“Kainis! Sabi ko na at mali ako doon.” Dinig kong daing ni Penelope ng makabalik ako sa hanay namin. Si Pierce naman ay parang wala lang.

“To naman ang OA! Okay na iyang limang mali. Ako nga sampu mali ko nagreklamo ba ako?” Natatawang sabi ni Pierce bago lumingon sakin. “Te ilan ka?”

“Got forty seven.” I shrugged. I know my scores are way lower than theirs.

Pierce genuinely smiled. “Nice. Congrats at pasado bakla!” I smiled back. Pierce was often pressured by his parents to get good grades. Hindi daw nga kasi pwedeng bakla na bobo pa. His cousin though, is an achiever. Honor student ang hayup na iyan pero dimo aakalaing may tinatagong landi.

One subject after another, nagbibigayan na ng test papers. Mabuti nalang at pasado naman at medyo mataas ang mga marka ko. May isang passing score lang, pero okay parin iyon.

Halos ikairap ko ng madinig ang daing ni Penelope na gutom na daw siya. Tapos na ang morning classes namin at lunch break na. Nakatayo na si Pierce at hinihintay kaming magayos ng bag.

“Ria san kayo maglalunch? Baka pwede sumabay?” Miko asked. Iyong katabi ko kahapon. Nakatayo na ang mga lalake sa last row at naghahanda na ding umalis.

Nagkatinginan kami ni Pierce at nahuli ko ang pagningning ng mga mata niya. Malandi!

“Uhh.. sure. Sa c-cafeteria lang.” ilang kong sagot dahil halos haltakin ako ni Pierce para lang pumayag ako. Gosh! I have baon! This is embarrassing.

The boys at the back cheered. Mga barkada to ni Amiel at ang iba ay kateam niya sa basketball. Samantalang tahimik namang nagpagpag ng pantalon ang katabi ko.

“Miel bro tara sabay tayo sa girls!” Nakangising tawag ni Jerico sa katabi kong salubong ang kilay at igting ang panga.

Nauna kaming lumabas na tatlo habang sumunod samin ang mga kaklaseng lalaki. Matt kept his distance pero nakasunod siya samin dahil siya ang may dala ng baunan ko.

“Te! Thank you! Buti dimo sinungitan. Ampogi pa naman ni Miko.” Impit na tili ni Pierce habang nakaangkla ang braso sakin. I rolled my eyes. I guess we can eat all together. Malaki naman ang cafeteria at pwede naman na sa kabilang table nalang ang mga boys.

Pagpasok ng cafeteria ay agad kaming humanap ng mauupuan. Well, it’s actually the boys who searched for our table. Matatangkad ang mga kaklase namin kaya ang nagliligpit palang sanang kumakain na lower year ay mabilis nilang napaalis.

Nakapwesto kami sa malaking mesa sa tabi ng salaming pader ng cafeteria. It can fit ten people kaya halos udyukin kami ni Miko na doon nalang daw. At dahil pinangunahan ng kalandian si Pierce sa mga lalaking kaklase ay agad itong sumang ayon at nauna pang maupo.

I thought everything is fine until I felt the horror when I saw Matt approaching our table holding my lunch bag. No!

“Ma’am Ria eto po ang-”

“Keep it Matt. Doon ka muna.” Halos hindi na bumuka ang bibig ko para lang di makakuha ng atensyon.

“Pero nandito po-”

I turned to him snappily. Makuha ka sa tingin! Wag mong isiksik sakin iyan at bibili ako ng pagkain! Nakakahiya sa mga kaklase ko!

“Oh may baon kaba Ria? Penge ako.” Tawag ni Jerico na nakaupo sa harap ko. Katabi niya ni Amiel na pinapanood ako. Agad akong umiling sa hiya.

“Uhh no.. no I’ll just order.” Hilaw ang ngisi ko. I gave Matt a side eye bago siya bumuntong hininga at bumalik sa kinatatayuan niya malapit sa glassdoor.

“Oh sabay niyo nalang yung order niyo. Kami nalang ang bibili.” Dinig kong presinta ni Frank.

“Naku thank you! Sige porkchop sakin saka coke. Thank you!” Ani Pierce sabay abot ng one hundred sa kay Frank. Prente siyang nakaupo at nakatanga kay Miko.

Pinilit magpasabay ni Pierce ang pinsan na umorder pero tumanggi ito ng makitang tumayo din si Amiel at sasama sa pagbili.

“H-Hindi na.. couz.. ako na ang oorder ng a-akin.”

I wanted to roll my eyes so bad pero pinili kong tumayo na at sumama sa nagaayang si Jerico. Gamit ko ang card ni kuya Anton. Hindi ko pwedeng ibigay yun lalo pa at nasa harap ako ni Amiel.

“Ikaw girl ipasabay mo na din yung sayo! Tas kunin mo yung baon mo kay Matt ako nalang kakain kung ayaw mo.” Bulong ni Pierce at pinanlakihan pa ako ng mata.

“It’s okay. Pipili padin naman ako kung anong gusto ko.” Sabi ko at nauna na akong lumapit sa mga stalls.

May mga rice meals na tinda pero meron din namang western dishes para sa mga ayaw magkanin. May korean noodles din sa may kabilang dulo ng cafeteria katabi ng mga beverages.

Medyo maingay sa cafeteria lalo na at andaming estudyante. May nagtatawanan ay meron din namang mga nagrereview din for midterms.

I went to a stall at agad natakam sa mga pagkain. I can’t eat much lalo pa at may PE kami mamayang hapon. I’ll eat tuna pesto nalang. I’m also craving for tteokbokki. Not a good combination but who cares?

Sinabi ko ang order ko pagkatapos kompirmahin na tumatanggap sila ng card. Gosh! Nakakahiya kung hindi at wala na akong cash!

“May baon ka diba? Bakit ayaw mong kainin?” I heard someone whispered behind me. I turned and see Amiel na nakapila din sa likod ko. Sa likod niya ay si Penelope at si Frank.

Shoot! “Uhh… yeah.. I want to eat something else..” mahina kong sagot.

Pwede namang nagrounded na may pera parin ah? Well. Wala naman siyang alam sa sitwasyon ko ngayon.

I saw him shook his head in dismay. “Brat. You don’t appreciate the food being prepared for you.” He gritted his teeth as he stepped closer. My knees trembled.

“What did you say?” I was so offended that my jaw dropped! Ang kapal ng mukha mo!

“Eto na po ma’am. One hundred eighty po.” Tawag ng cashier.

Fuck! This is embarrassing. I don’t have cash at dahil nasa likod ko siya, makikita niya ang card na gamit ko!

Halos mapudpod ang labi ko kakakagat. Ang higpit ng hawak ko sa card na mas nakakahiya dahil inaantay ako ng babae na magbayad! Stupid! All of you! Fuck this!

Abot abot ang kaba ko lalo na ng mas lumapit si Amiel at tumabi na sakin habang nakatanaw sa salamin ng mga display na pagkain.

“I’ll have what she ordered.” Amiel curtly said to the poor cashier. Sinabi naman ito ng huli sa kasama at muling inabot sakin ang tuna pesto na inorder ko. Bat kasi hindi maghintay Amiel! Pano ako magbabayad?

“Uhh-”

“Keep your card. It’s on me.” Ani Amiel at nagabot ng one thousand sa babae. Agad naman itong ngumiti at tinanggap ang pera.

What?

“No need. I have money. I can pay-”

“Tss. Don’t be stubborn. Get your food and leave. Humahaba ang pila.” Ismid nito sakin. Abat!

Padarag kong hinila ang plato ko at umalis. Fuck you! Don’t you insult me! I have money! I have your brother’s card!

Bumubulong bulong pa ako sa galit ng pumunta sa kaliwang bahagi ng cafeteria. Mabuti at onti ang pila dito. Agad akong umorder ng isang cup ng rose flavored rice cake.

“Ito na po. Sixty lang ma’am.” Masiglang abot sakin ng lalaking nagtitinda.

“Uhh.. do you accept cards?” Tanong ko.

“Ay sorry po ma’am offline po kami ngayon eh. May panukli naman po kami sa bills o kaya Gcash po.” Nahihiyang sagot nito.

But that’s the thing. I don’t have cash anymore. Bili ako ng bili ng frappe na ang huling isang libo ko, limang piso nalang ang natira. Damn it!

Halos mapalingon ako sa kaba kung may estudyante na bang nakapila. Hanggang kelan ako aabutan ng kahihiyan sa ginawa mo daddy?

I’m thinking of asking kuya Anton to send me money but it will take time. Isa pa, pano kung busy siya at hindi agad mabasa ang chat ko? At bago iyon, paano ko ipapaliwanag sa tindero na wala akong pera at maghihintay muna ako ng itatransfer sakin? Fuck! You’ve reached so low, Reina Ariane!

“How much?” I heard a baritone voice behind me at lalo akong napairap. Stop following me!

“Ahh.. itong kay ma’am sir? Sixty pesos lang po.” Napakamot sa batok ang lalaki ng tumabi sakin si Amiel na madilim ang titig sakin. Agad akong napayuko sa hiya.

“Give me the same cup. Here.” He said before handing him a five hundred peso bill.

Pagkakuha ng pera ay agad kumuha ng tteokbokki na nakastick ang lalaki at nilagay sa cup bago lagyan ng sauce.

“You d-don’t have to… pay for m-me. I’ll pay.. you b-back..” ramdam ko ang pamumula ng mukha ko. How? Eh wala ka ngang pera?

“Don’t mind it. Anong inumin ang gusto mo? Umorder kana.”

“Hindi na.” Agad kong tanggi. “Nakaorder nako sakanila noon at nagaaccept sila ng card. Ako na ang bibili. T-Thank you.” Mabilis ko siyang iniwan at lumakad sa katabing stall para bumili ng lemonade.

“Make it fast please. Here.” Pagmamadali ko. Tanaw ko sa gilid ng mata ko na nakatingin sa direksyon ko si Amiel. Nang makuha ang sukli, lumapit din siya sa binibilhan ko.

Fuck! Ang card! Pakibilis!

“Can you charged it now please? I need my card.” Humingi naman ng paumanhin ang nakatao sa stall dahil binasa niya muna ang card bago litong tumitig sakin. Ang kasama niya naman na nakarinig ay binilisan ang pagsalin ng inumin ko. Fucking incompetent! Can’t you make haste? Chismosa pa kasi eh! Lalaki ang nakapangalan diyan dahil hindi naman akin yan!

Pagkalapit ni Amiel ay mabilis kong nahablot sa kamay ng babae ang card ng inabot niya ito. Tonta! Ibabalandra mo pa ang card eh kita ang pangalan na nakalagay diyan!

Nagulat ang babae at napadaing pero pake ko ba! Halos malagutan nako ng hininga ng maabutan ni Amiel na binigay sakin ang card no! Nasakin na ang atensyon niya ngayon at kunot na kunot ang noo.

“Thanks.” Sabi ko sa babae at hinawi ang buhok ng lumakad paalis. I can’t believe I went through all that embarrassment! Hindi ko na sila pasasamahin kumain sa susunod!

“Ang tagal mo te sa totoo lang. Tara na gutom nako!” Si Pierce ng makaupo ako sa tabi niya. Lumipat ng upuan si Penelope na pulang pulang nasa kabisera sa kanan ko.. kung saan nasa kanan niya si Amiel tabi ni Jerico.

Tss. Can’t stand to be away from your man? Go! Lunukin mo!

“Tagal mo bro. Himala di ka magkakanin?” Puna ni Frank sa hanay ni Pierce ng umupo si Amiel sa harap namin.

“K-Kain na tayo guys.” Si Penelope sa pabebeng boses. Tipid itong ngumiti kayna Amiel at samin ni Pierce pero nagpokus ako sa pagkain ko. Plastic!

I’m so relieved I survived that lunch! Hindi ko ata kayang magpakitang tao sa dalawang iyon. Habang tuwang tuwa sa mga jokes ang boys na pinupuri ni Pierce ay nagpupuyos naman ako sa galit kakanood ng paglalandi ni Penelope kay Amiel sa harap ko. Penelope was striking a conversation about Amiel’s meal pero tipid lang itong sumasagot sakanya.

“Okay. At dahil lahat nakawarm up na let’s start at madami kayo okay? You’ll be grouped by pairs para sa exam. Bahala kayo magdecide kung sino ang hahayaan niyo magshoot at kumuha ng bola. Pwede ding salitan bahala kayo.” Ani coach. Nasa roofdeck kami dahil nandito ang basketball court para sa PE namin. Mayroon din naman sa gymnasium sa baba pero dito kasi malimit nagkaklase.

“Sir ako gusto ko partner si Jessa!” Patiuna ni Frank na kinantyawan ng mga kaibigan sa crush niyang kaklase namin.

“Ay ayaw niyo alphabetical? Oh sige bahala kayo basta dapat lahat kayo may partner. Bilis bilis!” Inipit ni coach sa kilikili ang hawak na clipboard at pumalakpak sa harap namin.

Isa isa ng naghanap ng partner ang mga kaklase namin. May isang nagpaalam kung pwede daw ba na parehas babae. Pumayag na si coach basta makakapuntos.

“Sige na Miko hindi ako marunong magshoot eh. Ako nalang ang tagakuha ng bola!” Dinig kong suyo ni Pierce sa kaklase para maging kapareha.

Kinakantyawan si Miko ng mga lalaki naming kaklase na wanpipti daw na siyang kinamura nito. Ngiting ngiti naman ang kaibigan ko na para bang ineenjoy pa ang pangiinsulto.

I don’t have an idea kung sino ang makakapartner. Ang mga member ng varsity samin ay agad na nilapitan ng mga babaeng kaklase para ayaing makapareha. Bumuntong hininga ako at nakita si Luigi. He’s a nerd kaya wala masyadong kaibigan pero competitive kasi siya kaya yung huling exam namin sa PE ay mataas ang nakuha niya. Marunong siyang magbasketball kahit medyo patpatin.

Kita ko ang pagliwanag ng mukha ni Luigi ng lumapit ako sa tapat niya. Tinulak nito ang salamin sa puno ng ilong at mariing tumitig sakin.

Why am I tense? Sobrang nakakahiya humingi ng pabor! Lalo na dito sa lalaking to na suplado kala mo naman gwapo.

“Uhh Luigi-”

“Amiel pwede bang-”

Parehas nabitin ang sasabihin namin ni Penelope ng may humigit sa siko ko. Medyo napalapit siya sa banda ko kaya nadinig ko ang boses niya.

“I’m your partner. Let him find his.” Amiel growled at hinila ako palapit sa ring. Leaving Luigi and Penelope both dumbfounded.

I saw pain and embarrassment in Penelope’s eyes lalo na at tila sinundan niya pala si Amiel na siya namang lumapit sakin. I glanced at Luigi na tila napahiya din sa sinabi ni Amiel. Fuck.

Pilit kong hinahatak ang braso ko pero napapatianod ako sa bilis maglakad ni Amiel. “What’s your problem? I’m going to ask Luigi-”

“You won’t be pairing up with him! I’m the team captain of our strand’s varsity team. You should be thankful na ako ang partner mo.” Amiel turned to me with dagger eyes. Hah! Ang yabang!

Bago pa ako makaangal ay tinawag na kami ni coach sa gitna. Magsimula na daw para lahat makatapos within an hour. Kailangan makashoot ng dalawampung beses ang magkapareha para sa 100 na score sa exam. Ang bawat tira na hindi papasok ay magiging kabawasan sa perfect score.

Isa isa ng nagsimula ang mga magkakapartner. May mga nagvolunteer kaya iyon ang inuna. Matapos nilang makapagshoot ay saka tumawag si coach mula sa class list.

May mga nagtatanong na kaklase pero hindi na pwedeng magpalit ng kapartner ani coach dahil nagsimula na daw ang iba. Si Amiel tuloy ang naging kapartner ko habang si Pierce ay si Miko. Si Penelope… na mukhang gustong makapareha si Amiel ay si Luigi ang naging kapartner.

Nakahalukipkip akong nanonood sa kay Pierce na kunwari ay hinihingal sa pagtakbo para makuha ang bola at saka ipapasa kay Miko.

“Are you sure about this? Penelope wants to be your partner. Sayang naman.” Eyes still on the center, I smirked sarcastically. Wala naman akong pakealam kahit na sila ang magpartner.

“Your friend already has a partner.” Si Amiel na nakahalukipkip ding nanonood sa gilid ko.

“Kaya nga. She approached you and if you agreed to be her partner then-”

“I am your partner to this exam, Ria. Only me. So stop being bitter about that fucking nerd. He’s paired with someone else.” I heard his baritone voice almost thundered on my neck and I flinched when I felt all the hair on my body went up. I feel like my heart starts racing so I did not dare say another word.

Ni hindi ko maikom ang bibig ko at sinikap na panatilihin ang tingin ko sa harap kahit na ramdam kong tumatama ang braso ko sa kay Amiel. Umuusod ako palayo pero patuloy niyang sinasara ang distansya namin.

“Ms. Montecarlo. You’re up.”

I sighed when I heard coach called my name. Nanginginig pa ang labi ko sa halo halong emosyon ng lumapit ako sa may tapat ng ring.

Tears started pooling on the corners of my eyes. How dare you have this effect on me still? You cheating bastard! You are acting as if nothing happened after you screw my friend at ngayon ganyan ka umasta sakin? Were you guilty? Why? There’s nothing to be guilty of isn’t it?

“Ms. Montecarlo hindi lalapit ang bola sayo.” Dinig kong sita ni coach. I blinked and I saw Amiel staring at me with furrowed brows, his head tilted to the side.

“S-Sorry po.” I cleared my throat and scanned the floor to find the ball na nasa bandang gilid namin na naiwan ng naunang grupo.

“Do you want to shoot?” I heard Amiel asked. His voice is so deep but low, enough for the two of us to hear.

“N-No.” tinitigan ko ang bola sa kamay. I don’t know how to. Parang andali noong tinuturo noon pero nung ginagawa ko na hindi naman ako makashoot.

“I’ll do it. Focus, Ria. Pass me the ball every time I take a shot.” He instructed. Wala sa sarili akong tumango at hinagis ng dalawang kamay sakanya ang bola na agad niyang nasalo. Pumunta siya sa may tapat ko habang pumwesto naman ako malapit sa baba ng ring at hinintay siya na magshoot.

I heard coach laugh. “Don’t play with me, Rodriguez. That’s only a point shot. Give me three or five.” Kita kong umigting ang panga niya at mas lumayo sa akin at pumwesto sa guhit ng court ayon na din kay coach. Saka siya nagsimulang tumira. Pumasok ang three-point shot na ginawa niya. Kita ko ang pagigting ng muscles niya sa braso ng swabeng tinira ang bola papasok sa ring. Nang mahulog iyon ay saka ako tumakbo at agad hinabol ang bola at saka binato sa banda niya.

Paulit ulit ang ginagawa niya. Minsan ay lumilipat siya sa pwesto na gusto ni coach at nakakashoot padin.

Halos hingalin ako kakahabol sa bola. Minsan kasi sa lakas ng tira ay anlayo ng napupuntahan nito pagkalusot sa ring.

“Stop doing that.” I heard Amiel. Alin?

Nadinig kong may sumipol sa likod. Nabitin ang pagkuha ko sa bola kaya nakayuko akong lumingon sakanya. Lito sa sinabi. Don’t tell me there’s a proper way of getting the ball? Eh nakukuha ko naman ah?

“Just… give me the ball, Ria!” Abat! Bat sinisigawan moko fucker!

Padarag kong hinagis sakanya ang bola. Buong lakas ang nilagay ko sa paghagis non pero parang wala lang ng sinalo niya sa dibdib niya.

I heard him sighed. He remained standing, not aiming for another shot.

“We have balls to spare. Bakit kailangan isa lang ang gamitin coach?” Asik ni Amiel na umiigting ang panga. What’s this idiot’s problem?

I glanced at our classmates na nakaindian sit sa sahig. Nakatanaw sa amin. Ang mga kaibigan niya ay nag nagbubulungan at nakangising nanonood.. samin. This.. is embarrassing. Kung ayaw mo pala akong kapartner mo ay sana di ka naginaso diyan! Deserve!

“Wala na. Tamad din kayong magligpit ah? Ayos na iyang isa. Kaya nga kayo may partner para may tagakuha.” Si coach na walang alam sa nagpupuyos na si Amiel.

I saw him gritting his teeth from here and made another shot. Pumasok ulit iyon. Bwisit ka! Kung di ko lang need ipasa tong PE.

Hinabol ko ang bola at muling yumuko para kunin iyon ng marinig siyang magmura kasabay ng mga kaklase naming sumisipol.

I rolled my eyes. Agad akong lumingon para sana ibato sakanya pero napapitlag ako ng makitang nasa harap ko na siya.. nakayuko sakin.

“Ayusin mo ang pagkuha ng bola. Huwag kang tuwad ng tuwad.” He barked before snatching the ball on my hands. Tumigil siya sa may bilog sa sahig at agad na nagshoot… habang ako nakatangang nanonood sakanya.. laglag ang panga.

What? Eh natural yuyuko ako para habulin ang bola. It’s not like I’m doing that on purpose? Anong akala niya? Nangaakit ako? Palibhasa manyak ka!

Nakanguso akong humabol sa nalaglag na bola sa baba ng ring at agad yumuko para kunin iyon.

“Fucking..”

I turned to him and passed the ball. He is staring at me with furious eyes. You can’t intimidate me, Amiel. Kung ayaw mong kunin ko ang bola eh ikaw ang kumuha!

“Last three. Come on, Rodriguez. Take this as a practice.” Ani coach. The latter scoffed and take another shot.

Nasapo ko ang noo ng pumasok iyon at tumalbog sa sahig. Onti nalang. Hinihingal akong humahabol sa bola dahil pinagmamadali kami ni coach. Magrereklamo paba ako e ito lang naman ang gagawin ko at 100 na ang score ko? Tss.

Pagkalingon ay nakita ko ulit si Amiel sa likuran ko at nakaabang sa bola. Tss. “H-here.”

Dinig ko ang pagsinghap niya. “Sit when you are getting the ball. Fucking sit, Ria.” He said it like a warning before he walked out to make another shot.

Kunot noo akong tumingin sakanya. Ano bang problema niya? Ganto din naman kunin ng iba kanina ang bola? Binibigyan niya lang ng malisya ang ginagawa ko!

His menacing gaze went to me after making another shot. Lips pursed, he raised a brow and waited for me. I sighed and went to the ball.

Wala sa sarili akong napasulyap sakanya ng nasa paanan ko ang bola. He is clenching his jaw while slightly shaking his head. He is on a forward stance, as if he’ll walk to my direction in a second kung yuyuko ulit ako.

I sighed bago ginawa ang sinabi niya. Naningkayad akong kinuha ang bola. At saka muling lumingon sakanya. His face relaxed a bit yet his eyes still pierced daggers on mine.

I bit my lip and throw the ball at his direction. Dalawang tira pa ang ginawa niya at tapos na kami.

“Good job, Rodriguez. Perfect score. Very good. Oh next! Onting bilis Ms. Monzon.” Pumapalakpak na tawag ni coach sa kasunod ko.

Lumakad ako palapit sa pwesto ng mga kaklase at humahapo namang lumapit si Amiel sa gawi ko matapos tapikin ni coach. I don’t want to sit on a dirty floor kaya pinili kong tumayo nalang sa likod ng mga nakaupong kaklase at manood.

“Bro nice one-”

“Shut your fucking mouth!” Amiel hissed at Miko before he went to the back and stood beside me, still panting.

“You… are a pain in the ass.” I heard him groaned. Jerk!

Kabanata 9

“Hello.” Kuya Anton greeted me when I answered his call. He insisted on calling me pagkatapos kong maligo. Hindi na daw kasi siya nakapagpaalam kaninang umaga dahil madaling araw ang flight niya. Pagkadating ng Spain ay may conference agad silang dinaluhan. Sabi niya ay natulog naman daw siya sa eroplano pero alam kong pagod padin siya. Gosh eighteen hours? Buti nga at hindi sila delayed!

“H-Hi.” I smiled but it was short lived as I bit my lip to ease the awkwardness. Ramdam ko tuloy ang daloy ng dugo sa mga pisngi ko. He was outdoors at nasa conference pa siya kaya saglit lang daw siyang tatawag.

Maingay sa background niya at nakita ko siyang lumakad palayo sa venue. “Sorry about that. How was your day?” He asked.

“F-Fine. Not sure with my scores in business math but.. I think I d-did fine.”

I saw him nodded and stared at me intently kaya lalo akong naconscious. I am in my pajamas while he is wearing a white dress shirt  and a suit. The upper buttons of his dress shirt are undone exposing some skin.

“Yes you did. You will pass that one, Reina.” Tipid siyang ngumiti tapos noon.

I am twisting my lips dahil hindi ko alam ang sasabihin! Idagdag pa na pinapanood niya ako!

“Uhh-”

“So-” My eyes widened for a fraction when I heard him spoke at the same time!

“Sorry. You go first.” He said hoarsely.

Agad akong umiling. “Uhh wala… wala akong.. s-sasabihin..”

He sighed before he craned his neck to his left and nodded at someone. Muli siyang tumingin sa cellphone at bumuntong hininga.

He grazed his lips with his tongue and my eyes suddenly focused on that. “I saw your stories on facebook. You had another group activity?”

“Hmmm… yeah..” I said.. not completely comprehending his question. I forgot to blink and just stared at his.. lips on the screen.

His lips pursed as he exhaled deeply. “Was it.. done by pair again?”

Saan daw? “Huh… mmm..”

“Was it my…” he let out another heavy sigh. “How was the activity?” Kita ko ang pagkibot ng labi niya sa screen. His growing stubble looked.. fine. He look so… mature… and manly.. Walang siyang ganoon nung nakaraan. Gaano ba kabilis tumubo iyong ganon?

Halos mahigop ko ang ibabang labi sa paraan ng pagkagat. I wonder what he used on his lips? What lipbalm was it? Mine were never pinkish like that.

“Reina?”

“Hmm?” Napakurap akong nagangat ng tingin sa mata niya.. bago muling bumaba sa mga labi niyang tanaw ko padin sa screen.

“Sorry.. w-what did you s-say?” Gosh! What was I thinking?

His lips parted and his eyes became heavy lidded. Maingay sa background niya pero nahahagip ng tenga ko ang mabigat niyang paghinga.

I saw him licked his lips once again and I took another glance bago muling tinuon ang mata sa camera ko. Sadyang napapatingin lang ako doon. Damn it! His lips are curving to a smile but he seems hiding it.

“I’m asking.. how was your group activity? Sino ang kagrupo mo?”

“Ahm.. okay naman.. sina Pierce at Andra.. s-saka si K-Kate ang kagroup ko.”

My brows furrowed when I saw his lips part again for another exhale. It’s so audible it almost sounded that of a relief. Kusa ding napaawang ang labi ko sa nakita.

“Are you hot?” He asked languidly.

“Huh?” Halos manlaki ang mata ko sa narinig. Bakit? Ano daw? No! Of course not!

I saw him chuckled and his laugh sent shivers to my spine. Mas lalong namungay ang mga mata niya. “Your cheeks are flushed. Is it hot there?”

Gosh! Now that he said it. Lalong uminit ang pakiramdam ko. Parang lahat ng dugo ko nasa mukha ko na. This is so embarrassing! I keep on staring at.. well I am just.. curious.. that’s all! I wanted my lips to be like his. Iyon lang.

“Uhh.. m-medyo. Bukas naman ang a-aircon ko…”

I saw the side of his lips rose but he bit his lip to cover it. I am focused on it that I know it’s movements!

“Hmm. Must be the cold then?”

I can’t react because I don’t really know what he is asking about. I glanced at his dark eyes and I saw his brow went up.

May tumatawag sakanya sa background kaya naputol ang panonood niya sakin sa screen. I just know I took that second to inhale deeply. Para akong kinakapos sa hangin!

He scratched his nape. “I’m sorry. I have to go. Susubukan kong tawagan ka ulit mamaya paggising mo.”

“Hmm. It’s okay. You should.. rest after that conference.” Pagtanggi ko. He doesn’t really need to do that. Isa pa, my morning face! Gosh! Kung magvivideo call kami ulit ng ganito shouldn’t I at least wear light makeup tomorrow morning?

He sniffed. “I’ll call you. Kung kaya pa ng oras. Good night, Reina.”

“Good night.. ahm.. a-afternoon pala…” Right. I am six hours ahead of him so.

I caught him smiled at me before ending the call dahil may lumapit na sakanya at nahagip pa ang kamay nun sa balikat niya sa screen.

Nagpakawala ako ng malalim na buntong hininga ng pinatong ko ang phone sa bandang tiyan. I stared at the high ceiling with my drowning thoughts.

He had a foul mood noong nageempake siya kagabi matapos tanungin kung kamusta ang araw ko sa school. Now, he seemed light. Signs of aging na iyan kuya Anton. Your mood swings are crazy. Look at daddy, one second he is a ray of sunshine. Come another, he is like one of Snow White’s dwarfs.

Pagulong gulong ako sa kama hanggang sa tuluyan na ring inantok. Magaalas syete ng kinatok ako ni manang dahil nagaaya si daddy na magbrekfast. I told her I’ll just freshen up.

“I’m in my hotel. Late natapos ang conference. Please let me know when you wake up. Good morning, Reina.”

I read kuya Anton’s message sent three hours ago. He’s probably asleep now but I found myself still replying.

“I just woke up. Sleep well.”

I am tying my hair in a bun para maghilamos ng magring ang phone ko. Nanlaki ang mata ko ng mabasa ang incoming video call.

“Shit.” Is he serious? Gosh I look like a disaster! What’s with this call really.

“Hi.” White sheets are seen on his background as his nose were illuminated by his bedside lamp. Nakapahinga ang kanang braso niya sa kanyang noo.

“H-Hi. I t-thought you are a-asleep.” Mabilis kong nalugay ang tinaling buhok at sinuklay iyon ng daliri. I haven’t checked my face in the mirror yet. I may have eye boogers for fuck’s sake!

“I can’t sleep. So I waited for you to wake up.” His bedroom voice is triggering the butterflies in my stomach.

I sighed. “You should sleep. I told you it’s not necessary to call this early. I’m going downstairs for breakfast with dad.” I did the math in my head and it’s fucking one in the morning! At wala siyang balak matulog?

“I’m sorry. I’ll try to sleep now. You should go ahead. Your dad might be waiting.” He surrendered. I can hear his heavy breathing. Mapungay na din ang mga mata na animo inaantok. Adik ata to e.

“Yes, please. I’ll just freshen up. G-Good night.” Trying to dismiss the call. I heard him sigh before nodding.

“Alright. Good morning, Reina.” Tipid itong ngumiti bago ko binaba ang tawag at dali daling pumunta sa banyo para manalamin at maghilamos. I’m pretty, yes, but I can’t look like a mess! Ang gulo ng buhok ko at ang puffy ng eyes ko!

“How was your week, princess?” Tanong ni dad ng magsimula kaming kumain. Kanina pa siya naghihintay at kung hindi ako inakyat ulit ni manang ay di ako makakababa dahil natulala nako sa salamin. It’s Saturday at wala akong pasok. Mukhang wala din naman siyang aasikasuhin today.

I sipped on my milk before answering. “Fine. I’m done with my exams.”

“And? How was it? Can I see your test papers?” Dad probe. He even raised a brow na para bang bitin sa sagot ko.

I twisted my lips. “Uhm.. I’ll show you.. later. It was okay. The results are out on some of my subjects and.. ahm.. I got good scores.”

He smiled and nodded at me. “Good. Very good, princess.” He seemed satisfied. Ang good mood naman ng daddy. You should bring me to shopping!

Manang Lupe approached the table and placed a plate of bacon in front of us. Manang asked if we need anything else but dad motioned none.

“Thanks.. dad.”

Dad glanced at my way again. “So.. what will you do today?”

Don’t use your sarcasm at me, daddy! Are you seriously asking me that question?

I almost rolled my eyes. “Nothing. I’ll just stay in my room. Just in case you forgot, I’m grounded.” I shrugged.

I heard him sigh heavily. “You can go out as long as I am with you. Where do you want to go then? I’ll drive you there.”

Is this a test? Lumingon ako kay dad at kita kong nagiintay siya ng sagot ko.

I pouted even more. Sige. “I want.. to buy new bags. And.. pangit na ang shoes ko.” I’ve been wearing my shoes in school for a month. Baka mamaya tumagos na ang paa ko non kakalakad!

“But I bought you three pairs of shoes for this school year. And they are all from a good brand. All of them were already worn out?”

I glared at dad as I don’t think he’s getting the point. “Well, I wore the first pair on the first quarter, now I’m wearing the second one. I don’t like the design of the last pair you got so I need to buy a new one!” Giit ko.

Dad looked at me like I was a joke. I’m serious! I might hurt my feet you know!

Napapikit siya at napasinghap. “How about the gifts you received on your eighteenth birthday?”

“Well I can’t wear wedge at school can I?” Kulang nalang ay humalukipkip ako. He looked at me like I’m using jargons he couldn’t digest. I almost groan.

“And your bag?”

“Well.. I just want a new one. What will my classmates say? Na paulit ulit lang ang gamit ko?” This is ridiculous.

“Jesus.” Dad muttered as his nose cringed while scratching his forehead. I rolled my eyes this time. It’s a girl thing. You will never understand!

He took a sip on his coffee before staring at me. Sighing yet there’s a hint of smile on his face. “Alright.” He shrugged. “You did well on your exams anyway. You should reward yourself.”

Naikom ko ang bibig ko. Nanatili akong nakatitig sakanya para sa sunod niyang sasabihin o kung babawiin niya ba ang nauna.

“I guess I’ll take my daughter out on a date, then. Get dressed after breakfast, princess. We’ll buy.. your shoes. And your bags.” Brows twitching, his smile grew wider when he saw me gasped due to excitement.

“Really? Thank you, daddy!” Hindi ko maitago ang ngiti at mabilis na inubos ang pagkain. Nang matapos ay naiwan ko pa siya sa hapag sa pagmamadaling umakyat para maligo at magayos. I’m going to shop. Oh my! I got excited as I’m thinking of getting the new season collection bag from an international designer. I’ll get a new bag for school too but.. I won’t be missing that one!

Nakaconvoy ang bodyguards namin since dad is driving and I’m on his passenger seat. We immediately went from one favorite store to the other ng makarating kami ng mall. Dad has VIP access to each of them. Nauna akong bumili ng sapatos. I told myself I’m buying new pairs for school pero ng may nagustuhang pumps, kinuha ko din iyon.

And since I was overjoyed, when we passed on the boutique of a local designer I visited last time, I had to battered my eyelashes only for dad to get me new pieces from that designer as well. Yay!

Bag is our last stop. Dad had to remind me that I need one for school so it should not be a designer. Iyon na kasi agad ang hinahanap ko. Pero pagtapos kumuha ng bagong bag for school, bumalik ako sa naunang napuntahan ko.

“I want something smaller. Do you have this in 22?” I asked the sales associate. She smiled at me and said yes. She asked her co-SA for the size that I want. Muli kong sinuri ang bag na gusto ko. This is it. I saw this on their ad and I’m happy I don’t need to be on the waitlist. The SA came back with the correct size and showed it to me before putting it back in the dust bag and the box.

I turned to daddy who looked bored and uninterested. He sat on a couch that looked small because of his long legs and huge physique.

Stupid hormones. I suddenly got emotional. Dad had me grounded yet here he is still buying me the things that I want. He even joined me today even though he has zero interest in these kind of things.

My only fault is that I didn’t tell him my plan. But I made sure that I will keep my word. I don’t understand why he got mad at me that much. Umuwi naman ako sa gusto niyang oras. And I’m not a minor so I don’t see why I’m forbidden to have a night life.

I walked towards him pouting and his face lit up when he saw me nearing him. He stood up snappily and smiled.

“Are you done?”

Tears stung my eyes. I then hugged him tight and buried my face to him.

“What’s wrong? You didn’t like it?” Dad gently stroked my hair.

I shook my head. “T-Thank you, daddy.” I uttered. Ngayon nalang ata ulit kami lumabas ni daddy ng ganito. Recently, hindi rin maganda ang mga usap namin. Lagi lang kaming nagtatalo sa hapag. I must say I’m not used to this kind of treatment. Lagi niya akong binebaby kaya sobra ang tampo ko ng magalit siya sakin ng ganon.

“You’re welcome, princess. But why are you crying? Tell me what’s wrong?”

Sumisinghot pa akong tumingala kay dad. I saw his face softened and immediately wiped my tears.

“I’m.. I’m sorry, dad.. I-Ikaw kasi. I went home at ten like I promised yet you still got mad at me.”

He stared at me like I’m a puzzle he needs to solve before letting out a deep exhale. “That’s not the issue here, princess. You went in a bar-”

“Yes and I told you I regretted it. I s-said sorry na and I said sorry na din b-before but you had me grounded like I am still a minor. I was.. I was humiliated you know.. at school..” diko napigilang maktol habang mahinang humihikbi. Dad’s forehead creased before he barked a soft laugh. Napatingala pa itong humalakhak.

“Just like your mother. Oh you! That’s not how you apologize, princess.” He shook his head as if he can’t believe what’s happening.

“Why? W-What’s wrong with that? Sabi ko nga sorry e but you are always angry at me the past day-”

Muli siyang natawa sa sinabi ko. Umurong ang luha ko at lalo tuloy akong napasimangot sa hiya dahil nandito padin kami sa VIP room. “And you said you were humiliated? Because what? You brought lunch at school?”

Umiwas ako ng tingin. Yes. Ano paba? I scratched my nose in annoyance.

“That’s wrong, princess. There’s nothing to be ashamed of with that. You bringing food at school doesn’t define who you are. And you shouldn’t judge people who does that. It’s wrong. Ang mommy mo nga, araw araw kong pinapadalhan ng lunch noon.” Mahabang litanya niya. He cupped my chin and raised his brow at me.

I pouted even more. He’s always using mom. Well I’m not used to having baon. I’m sure mom would agree. It’s convenient to just buy food kaya. You shouldn’t have cut my cards!

“And you called me a brat.” Nakanguso kong sumbat. Hah! Kala mo nakalimutan ko?

He is grinning now. “Well, I guess you’re right. That’s my doing. But you were in the wrong here. You are even talking back to me now, huh?” may diin niyang sabi kaya di ako nakasagot.

He sighed before cupping my face. “Hush now. Of course I forgive you. I didn’t like what you did but you know I can’t stay mad at you, princess. Hmm?” He crouched para dungawin ang aking mukha. I twisted my lips. Yeah. You should be! You should apologize din kaya to me!

“Does this mean I’m no longer grounded?” I glared at him, nagtatampo padin. He sighed before tilting his head.

“If you are planning to do something like that again then let me remind you that I won’t let it slip this time.”

“O-Of course not! I w-wont do it.. again.”

“Uhuh. No more talking back. And we’ll see.” Aangal pa ako but he gently pulled me on my elbows and guided me back to the SA to hand her his black card. The SA smiled widely and tried to offer another complimentary drink which dad refused.

We had our lunch in a five-star restaurant after that. Pagkatapos kumain ay tumulak kami para bumisita saglit sa puntod ni mommy.

“You daughter is indeed a handful, darling. Very spoiled. And headstrong.” Si daddy na naiiling pang animo nagsusumbong. If I know sinisiraan lang ako nito kada napunta siya dito. I glared at him darkly while my lips curved upward. This grumpy.. ugh!

“I’m just saying, mom, that I’m already eighteen. Dad should treat me as such. Did you know I was grounded? Because I went to a bar?” Asik ko. Dad chuckled without humor. Inayos niya ang bulaklak na binili namin.

“It’s not funny!” Paghalukipkip ko.

“Of course it’s not funny. I’m just thinking of your safety. Who told you you can go clubbing and drink? Try doing it again, Reina. Keep testing my patience.” Dad turned to me with menacing eyes. I cringed and almost made a face.

“Aaay! So you are saying na di kana grounded?” Pierce shrieked when he called me in our groupchat pagkauwi namin galing cemetery. Pwede namang magfacetime nalang kami na kaming dalawa lang. Naalibadbaran kasi ako sa mukha ni Penelope na napakaplastic!

I shrugged. “He took me to shopping and gave me back my cards so.”

Sa totoo lang, sinuyo ko pa siya ulit noong nasa study. Habang tinitignan niya ang test papers ko ay proud na proud akong binibida ang scores ko. Saying that I should get my cards back because I did well in my midterms. He agreed tho. Hindi naman yun kanya so he should return it to me!

“Nice! O tara bar na ulit akla!” Natatawang asar ni Pierce na sinaway naman ni Penelope. Che! Mapagpanggap na to! If I know gustong gusto mong magbar at manlandi ng lalaki!

“Are you stupid? I’ll tell dad na bad influence ka nga!” I spat. Natawa naman si Pierce na agad umirap sakin.

Inayos ko na sa walk-in closet ang mga biniling gamit. I’m about to throw away the shoes I’ve worn out pero sabi ni manang Lupe ay maayos na maayos pa daw iyon. Kung pwede daw ay ibibigay niya nalang sa pamangkin niya. Dad agreed at para nga daw hindi masayang. Kaya ayun pati yung dati kong bag sa school binigay ko. Lalabhan niya nalang daw. How will you wash it if it’s made of leather? So dumb, manang!

Well, good luck with that. I’ve used those shoes for a couple of months already and baka mamaya isang linggo lang na suot e sira na. I’m telling you!

“I’m so happy! I got my cards back! And dad bought me gifts! We went shopping earlier!” Hanggang gabi ay hindi ko macontain ang saya. Ngiting ngiti akong nakahiga sa kama habang kausap si kuya Anton.

“That’s good. Only if you won’t do something terrible again.” He grinned at me. My eyes squinted at that.

“Whatever you say. I don’t know what’s so wrong with me going to a bar but whatever! What matters now is that I’m no longer grounded!” I shrieked at napapadyak padyak pa sa tuwa. I’ll bring my new designer bag to school on Monday and I’m sure luluwa ang mata ng mga insecure kong classmates. Hah! So much for looking at me as if I’m a beggar who can’t afford to buy lunch at the cafeteria dahil sa dala dalang baunan.

“Oh! And about your card, I’ll keep it til you get back. Send me your account number so I’ll transfer you the money I’ve used.”

He chuckled. “Don’t worry about it. You can still use my card if you want to buy something.”

Hilaw akong tumawa sa hiya. “N-No. It’s okay. I have my cards naman. I’ll just pay for your card bills-”

“There’s no need for that, Reina. If you want to, just keep using my card. It’s up to you.” He cut me off and stared at me intently. Muli akong naconscious sa itsura sa camera. My brows furrowed.

“Really now? You’re still letting me use your card? How kind of you. Ganyan ka din ba kay Amiel?” I spat kahit na nagwawala ang dibdib ko. What are you really up to? It’s understandable if you feel pity for me kaya mo ako pinahiram noon. Pero di na ako grounded. I don’t think it’s necessary for me to use your card still.

I saw him scoffed. “He has his own card, Reina.” Exactly! So am I.

I almost gave him a stern look. He sighed when he didn’t hear from me. Inayos niya ang kanyang safety hat at nakalabing tumitig sa screen. His moreno complexion looks really good in natural lighting. Bahagyang namumula ang ilong at leeg nya dahil siguro bilad sa araw.

“Alright then. But it’s yours for the meantime, Reina. Feel free to use it however you want. I’m not charging you on anything.”

“Hmm. Kay.” Tired of proving a point. Bahala ka.

“Two minutes.” I heard him talked to someone in the background when his name was called. He’s pretty busy for sure but he still chooses to call me.. like this. And I don’t know when did I get used to his video calls. With my chest pounding aggressively than usual of course.

“You don’t have school tomorrow. What are your plans?” Ako naman ngayon ang kausap niya.

I may not be grounded anymore but I still plan to stay at home. Wala din naman akong maisip na pupuntahan.

“I’ll just stay at home. Probably sleep or binge-watch some series.”

Bahagyang kumurba ang labi niya at tumango. “Alright. I have a lunch meeting tomorrow pero hindi ako pupunta sa site. I’ll just stay in my hotel after that.”

Okay. It’s not like I care about what you do. That’s for work.

He bit his lower lip. “Can I.. call you again tomorrow?”

I exhaled calmly. Like how I’m trying to calm myself every time he is cornering me with these questions. I appreciate him asking for permission but I don’t really know why we are doing this to begin with.

Since when did you start getting curious about my whereabouts?

“It’s okay if its.. too much. I won’t disturb your weekend. You can enjoy watching-”

“Is there anything that you need from me.. Anton?” Abot abot ang paghinga ko ng maisatinig ang katanungan.

Help me understand. Why are you like this? Bakit kailangan mo tumawag? Pagtulog at paggising ko. And why am I.. reacting this way?

Kita ko ang pagsinghap niya bago mabilis na umiling. “Nothing. I’m sorry. I-I.. just.. want to check on you.. but it’s okay if you won’t-”

“It’s fine.. I guess.. naninibago kasi ako. You weren’t like this before.” There. I said it.

You checking on me regularly. You even let me borrow your card. Surely you can’t be that generous to do that to someone? Right?

And I’m not this conscious whenever I see or talk to you in the past. But now, para bang tambol lagi ang dibdib ko everytime we will have an interaction.

Halos magecho ang pagbuntong hininga niya. Dinig ko ang muling pagtawag sakanya sa background pero tinaas niya lang ang kamay niya.

“Am I.. making you uncomfortable?”

Do you? Am I? Uncomfortable? Akala ko ba I’m getting used to him calling me?

Tangina naman kasi.

“Tell me honestly, Reina. Are you uncomfortable with-”

“I don’t know okay!” Diko mapigilang tumaas ang boses ko. Hindi ko nadin siya matignan sa screen ng iPad ko pero alam kong pinapanood niya ako. Gosh why is my face so hot?

I heard faint voices in his background once again. Calling his attention.

“I’ll check the fucking blueprint later. Just fucking let me have this call!” His voice sound like thunder at halos mapabalikwas pa ako sa hinihigaan. It’s my first time seeing him acted like this. Diko alam bakit ako nakaramdam ng takot.

Fuck!

“Ahm.. maybe you should go. You are at work and they are-”

“I am the head of this project. Just..” he sighed as he shut his eyes. His breathing became heavy. I can tell. Dinig na dinig ang garalgal na sound na nililikha ng paghinga niya.

Mapungay na titig ang binigay niya sakin tapos non. “Let’s talk. When I come home. It will be soon, Reina. For now, I’ll try to stop myself bothering you with my calls and messages. I’m sorry if I’m making you uncomfortable.”

I want to say that I’m not uncomfortable but am I sure? Ano ba kasi to? Bakit kami may ganito?

“Can’t we just talk.. about it now?” Stupid. Eh kanina pa nga siya tinatawag!

Why leave me hanging like this? So hihintayin kong umuwi ka para lang maintindihan kung bakit ka ganito? Parang gago to si Anton!

He heaved another deep sigh. “It’s better to talk about it in person. A video call won’t suffice. Can you.. wait for me?”

My lips stay parted. My mind is in circles and I can’t even compose a response.

“Please. I’ll.. explain everything.. when I’m back. Please? I’m sorry but I have to go. And I’m sorry if you have to keep up with this. I won’t.. call you like this again, Reina. I’m sorry.”

I tried to speak but no words came in my mouth after hearing what he said. Para tuloy akong tangang nakaawang ang bibig sa camera. So he won’t call me anymore? That’s good, right? Pero bakit parang pipigilan ko siya kanina na huwag ganon? Ano ba talaga?

“Uhm..” I then pursed my lips when I saw him massaged his neck. So lost in my thoughts I can no longer talk.

I heard another sigh from him. Tanaw ko siya sa screen at nakita ko siyang naglalakad na. “You should sleep now. I’ll drop the call. Good night, Reina.”

“Uhh.. g-goodnight.” Sagot ko. He smiled wearily before turning the call off.

I groaned in frustration at halos magpumadyak na sa kama sa sobrang inis. Gulong gulo ang utak ko.

“Ugh!” I pulled some strands of my hair as I shut my eyes tightly.

You can’t just treat me like this. Why are you so into me? Do you.. like me?

And fuck.. with me reacting this way. Does this mean.. I.. like you back?

Kabanata 10

“Ay nako! Sinasabe ko na. Si Amiel yan no? I don’t know nalang Ria ha.” May halong inis at malisyosang tanong ni Pierce.

I rolled my eyes at him. Sa pinsan din niya sana lalo na at mukhang offend na offend sa tanong ko. It’s hard to express your pain, eh? Why don’t you make your feelings known? Gulatin mo ang pinsan mo malandi ka!

“Basta. Ano nga?” Pilit ko habang tumutusok ng pagkain gamit ang tinidor. We are eating our lunch outside the campus. Dahil talaga kay Pierce kaya natuto akong kumain sa mga fast food eh.

I’ve been thinking about what Anton and I have been doing recently over the weekend na pakiramdam ko ang haggard haggard ko at kulang sa tulog ng pumasok sa school. Nakakabwisit!

True to his word, I haven’t heard from him since then. No more morning messages, hindi narin siya tumatawag sa gabi. Pero nakaabang naman sa mga stories ko on facebook and instagram at doon naman naghaheart reaction.

He likes me. It’s safe for me to assume. Right? He wouldn’t do all of that just for a brotherly concern. Or did he? Mali ba ang pagkakaintindi ko? Fuck, Ria! Your thoughts are embarrassing!

“Pano ba. Ako kasi basta guwapo, malaki ang katawan, at anlakas ng sex appeal. Ayon. Bet na bet ko ang otoko pag ganon. Kahit di masyadong malaki ang anes epek na choosy paba?” Sabi nito sabay hahikgik “Tapos para malaman mo kung bet ka din niya dapat haharutin mo para malaman mo kung go ba siya sa eksena. Kikindatan mo siya tapos pag kinindatan ka niya pabalik or kinagat ang labi habang nakatingin sayo then boom! Epek siya sayo! Bet ka din niya for sure so pwede na kayo-” This bitch! I need a serious answer!

Natatawa siyang umilag ng halos itusok ko sakanya ang hawak na tinidor. “I’m asking you on how will you know if a person likes you or if you like them. Romantically, you idiot! I don’t need to hear how you are hooking up with boys in a bar!”

“Edi parang infatuation ganon? Eh ganun din! Sa physical appearance naman yun naguumpisa duh.” Pabalang na sagot ni Pierce.

So I’m infatuated? Or maybe it’s my raging hormones? How he has this effect on me. How I can easily be distracted by just staring at his lips.. or admiring his skin complexion.. or his height and built. And how he had treated me the past weeks. Ano iyon?

Yes. It’s probably the raging hormones. I think it’s normal for a teenager like me. What isn’t is that I am having this feeling towards him. It doesn’t make sense.

I like Amiel. He’s a douchebag but I still like him. I guess I was mad at what I saw the last time but I know I still like him. I used to stare at his biceps, he looked so hot when all sweaty from playing basketball in the court. He has fair complexion compared to Anton that’s why it’s obvious kung namumula siya.

Ganun iyon ah? It’s the same feeling, yes? Halos isang linggo akong nagkukumpara at paulit ulit na nagisip hanggang sa pilit ko nalang binalewala. It’s not like I’ll die with not seeing his messages. Eh kelan lang naman nagsimula ang ganoon.

“Tsk.” Di ko mapigilang mapapalatak sa inis. Hindi pwedeng malisyosa lang ako. Aba e sinong matinong tatawag sayo gabi gabi at tuwing gigising sa umaga.. just to check on you? Check? And now you have the guts not to message me anymore, huh? Completely ignoring me. Ni ha ni ho wala!

He is not active on social media pero alam kong online siya. Dahil lagi siyang nakaview tuwing may stories at my day ako sa instagram at facebook. Nakaheart reacts din siya sa mga inaupload ko.

“Still following, Ria?” Ms. Reyes asked. She’s in her mid twenties and a math professor in San Vicente University. I went home early so I can have at least an hour of tutoring session with her. Kung hindi ko kaya, tuwing weekends naman pero mga three hours lang. Ayaw ni daddy na masyadong magtutok sa ganito dahil pumapasok din naman ako at gusto niya na maenjoy ko ang weekend na pahinga. I have these tutoring sessions for the last three weeks and I think this week will be the last for now. Isang linggo nalang ang ipapasok namin at Christmas break na.

“Yes. Sorry.” Umayos ako ng upo at tumitig sa whiteboard sa study ni dad. Hindi pumapasok ang mga numerong nakasulat sa utak ko dahil lumilipad nanaman ata ang isip ko.

I heard Ms. Reyes sighed. “Mukhang pagod kana. We can wrap this up. Pwede nating ituloy bukas. We can discuss more kung ano ang ituturo sayo this week dahil nakukuha mo naman na yung sa nakaraang linggo. Ayos ba iyon?” She smiled at me bago isa isang sinalansan ang mga ginamit na libro at binura ang sinulat niya sa whiteboard.

I agree with her. Wala din naman akong naiintindihan. I’m about to respond kaya lang naunahan ako ng katok mula sa bukas na pinto ng study room.

I turned to see who knocked and I saw daddy on his suit, and his necktie is now loose.

“Good evening, kuya Rico.” Ms. Reyes stopped what she’s doing and turned to the open door.

Dad stepped inside the study and walked towards where I am sitting. Siya namang tingala ko sakanya at ngumiti bago niya sinuklay ang buhok ko.

“How is she, Anna?”

Ms. Reyes chuckled before she took a quick glance at my direction. “Okay naman kuya. Nabanggit niya po kanina na last week na nila  this week bago ang Christmas break?”

Tumayo na ako at lumapit kay dad na agad umalalay sa likod ko. Nakauniform pa ako at hindi pa nakakapagpalit.

“Yes. You may stop with the tutoring on Friday and we can resume next month. Once they resume with their classes.” Dad replied. Last week ko pang nasabihan si dad na last week na namin ngayon sa school pero gusto niya padin na magtutor ako hanggang matapos ang linggo para daw makapagreview nadin.

Ms. Reyes nodded. “Sige po. Oh pano, bukas nalang ulit Ria?” She gave me a quick smile at kinuha na ang bag niya.

“You should join us for dinner. Ronan is in the living room waiting for you.” Si Dad ng sinamahan namin maglakad palabas ng study si Ms. Reyes.

“Hindi na po kuya, sa susunod nalang. Sinundo lang ako ni Ronan kasi kakain daw kami sa labas. Salamat po.” Pagtanggi naman ng tutor ko. First time na may sumundo sakanya.

Dumiretso kami ng sala at doon nakita ko ang isang lalaking nakadress shirt na pirming nakaupo sa couch. Agad itong tumayo ng nakita kami. Kita ko ang saglit na pagpirmi ng mga mata niya sakin.

“Ria. Si Ronan boyfriend ko. Kasama ko din lumaki sa Angel Haven.” Ani Ms. Reyes na lumapit na kay Ronan.

I was shocked at the revelation. So he also grew up in the orphanage supported by our family? I didn’t know! Ngayon ko lang din siya nakita. Is he friends with kuya Gelo?

Ngumiti naman sakin ang lalaki. “Magandang gabi Ria. Anlaki mo na. Kamukhang kamukha ka ni ate Rein-”

Naputol lang ang sasabihin niya dahil mahina itong siniko ng katabi at hilaw na ngumisi samin. I secretly glanced at dad who is sporting a straight face. I almost sigh.

“Una na po kami. Thank you kuya Rico. Bye Ria.” Paalam ni Ms. Reyes.

Dad curtly nodded. “Mag-ingat kayong dalawa. Ronan.” Tumango din samin ang dalawa.

Inakbayan nitong si Ronan si Anna at kumaway samin. “Salamat kuya. Tara na bebeloves.” Bago sila gumayak palabas.

“How’s the session? Is she effective?” Dad asked me when are having our dinner. Laging ganto ang tanong niya kada linggo.

“She’s fine. Okay naman po.”

“Alright. How about school? Do you have challenges with other subjects?”

“Wala naman dad. And.. uhm..”

Dad raised his brow as he waited for me to continue.

“I think.. hindi ko na po need ng tutor.” It’s true. Dahil tapos na ang exams, medyo light ang sumunod na linggo namin sa school. Nagdidiscuss padin naman sa mga subjects pero nakakasabay naman ako sa mga seatwork at activities. Preparation lang naman daw ng susunod na quarter pero mas magseseryoso ito sa susunod na taon.

He dropped his utensils and intertwined his fingers. “You think so?”

I shrugged. “I think I’m.. okay. I guess I only need it for the examination week.” Mas maigi kung may katulong akong magreview sa bahay oo. It’s my last year in senior high. Pero kasi.. naisip ko din na hindi magandang dumedepende sa tutor. I’m no longer a kid. I’m going to college soon at mahihirapan ako kung di ako masasanay mag-aral ng mag-isa.

Dad watched my reaction while nodding. “Alright. Of course I want you to trust in yourself and study on your own. But if you think you are struggling, I want you to know that it’s okay to ask for help. To your teacher, I too can help you. Or we can schedule tutoring sessions once again with Anna if need be. That is okay, princess.”

Tipid akong ngumiti. “Yeah. Thanks, dad.”

“Hindi ko na muna siya papupuntahin kung ganon. Your Christmas break is fast approaching anyway. We’ll reach out to her again if you need assistance with your academics. Okay?”

Tipid lang akong tumango. Nang matapos kumain ay naligo na ako at nagpatuyo ng buhok para makatulog na.

“Absent daw si ma’am. Wala tayong first period.” Masiglang anunsyo ng kaklase ko ng halos kinse minutos na e wala pa si ma’am. Hiyawan ang buong klase namin at halos magwala sa narinig. Hindi ko mapigilang matawa sa mga kalokohan ng mga kaklase sa likod.

“Te! May chika ko!” Malanding tawag ni Pierce.

“Ano nanaman iyan?”

Humilig siya sa may upuan ko “Birthday ni Marlon bukas. Pero sa Sabado daw gaganapin or Friday ng gabi. Nasagap ko lang nung dumaan ako sa likod. Baka magimbita jumoin tayo! Night swimming!” Impit na tili nito at may pagpalo pa ng braso na siyang ginantihan ko din.

“Inuman? Bakla ka ng taon! Kakagrounded ko lang nung nakaraan dahil nagbar tayo tapos gusto mong sumama ako sa ganyan. No way!” Angil ko kay Pierce. Hindi talaga maawat ang kalandian nito.

Agad itong umismid. “Kaya nga eto nga ang eksena. Para di tayo maaward ni tito eh magpapaalam tayo. Parang nung debut mo?” Pierce wiggled his brows in excitement. My lips curled because of cringing.

“As much as I want to, ayokong magaway nanaman kami ni dad. So I better pass.”

Agad itong sumimangot. “Kj. Try lang natin magpaalam. Hindi ka din naman papayagan magovernight so kahit umuwi ka nalang ng late. May driver ka naman. Kung di payag edi don’t. At least nagtry bakla sige na!”

Hanggang sa maglunch break ay iyon ang pinagmamakaawa ng baklang Pierce. I’m actually interested dahil gusto ko din naman ng mga ganon. To live a normal life. I’m of legal age at wala naman sigurong masama sumama sa ganon paminsan minsan. I just.. don’t want to risk having another row with dad.

“Malelate daw si sir dahil may department meeting. Ipasa na daw muna yung assignment nyo sakin.” Anunsyo ng class president namin na siyang muling kinadiwang ng buong klase pagsapit ng hapon.

Nagbigay daan tuloy iyon para makapagplano ang mga kaklase para sa nasabing birthday outing.

“Guys!” Tawag ni Jerico. “Birthday ni Marlon. Night swimming oyat tapos onting inuman. Invited kayo!” Natatawang sabi nito sa lahat.

“Ikaw pa talaga ang nagaya. Ikaw ba magbibirthday?” Hirit naman ni Miko na kinatawa ng mga lalake sa likod.

“Jessa sama ka. Gusto ka daw makita magswimsuit ni Frank!” Sunod sunod ng kantyaw ng mga lalake sa likod na nahahaluan pa ng mura.

Sunod sunod na ang kuryosong tanong ng mga kaklase patungkol sa birthday celebration ni Marlon. Kung sino daw ang bahala sa pagkain at inumin, kung anong oras at kung saang resort magnanight swimming. Marami ang gustong sumama dahil year-end party na daw itong matuturing ng section namin.

Dahil late ang teacher eh parang binagyo ang classroom. May mga nakatayo, meron ding ginulo sa ayos ang upuan, at meron namang lumabas para pumunta ng canteen.

“Di pa sure sa oras. Maghahanap pako ng resort pero ang pagkain at alak, ako na ang bahala.” Sagot ni Marlon sa isang kaklase.

“Ay sina Penn may family resort sila. Pwede tayo don! Diba couz?” Walanghiyang suhestiyon ni Pierce at niyugyog pa ang pinsan.

“Oh ayos pala eh. Dun nalang bro. Penn baka naman.” Kantyaw nina Miko.

I glared at Penelope who looked invested in the conversation. Bahagya pang namumula ang gaga. “I’ll.. ask mommy. Baka makapagreservation tayo. This Saturday na ba?”

Tss. Pasikat.

“Oo sana. Kahit mga eight na ng gabi magstart. Ano G?” Ani Marlon.

Nahagip ko ang nahihiyang ngiti ni Penelope habang nakatingin sa may likuran. I rolled my eyes and focused in scrolling on my phone. “S-Sure. Sabihan ko kayo agad.”

Humirit naman ang mga kaklase na kinatawa lang ng huli.

“Bigyan mo kami discount Penelope!”

“Ilibre mo na yung entrance.”

“Ria sama kayo this Saturday ah? Birthday ko bukas. Katuwaan lang. Sama kayo ng friends mo.” I heard Marlon called me followed by the slight screams at the back. Someone just cursed him and to shut them off.

Nilingon ko si Marlon na nakatayo sa likod. Ramdam ko naman ang pagsipa ni Pierce sa baba ng arm chair ko sunod ng lihim na panlalaki ng mga mata.

“Advance happy birthday, Marlon. Hindi ko pa sure eh. I’ll let you know.” I timidly smiled.

Dahil sa department meeting ay hindi na din kami nameet ni sir kaya isang oras ang nalaan ng klase para sa daldalan. Dalawang subjects pa ang sumunod doon bago ang uwian namin.

I had a quick stop at Starbucks for some frappuccino bago umuwi. I’ve been thinking of telling dad later about Marlon’s birthday pero hindi ko alam kung papayag siya. Hindi ko din naman siya nakasabay sa dinner dahil late daw natapos ang meeting niya at dumaan pa siya kay mommy kaya nauna na akong kumain. Sa breakfast kinabukasan ko na siya nakausap tungkol doon.

“Two days nalang ang ipapasok mo. What are your plans? Where do you want to have your vacation?” Si daddy ng nagaagahan kami.

Pinunasan ko ng table napkin ang bibig bago magsalita. “Uhm.. I don’t know yet, dad.”

“How about a christmas trip? Don’t you want to celebrate abroad?” Dad suggested. He smiled probably to entice me of leaving the country for christmas.

Wala naman akong maisip na puntahan. I’m thinking of celebrating here. And it’s not my top concern right now. Iyong birthday ni Marlon. “Dito nalang siguro dad.”

I can see dad weighing my reactions but he still nodded to agree. “Mmkay. Whatever you want, princess.”

I cleared my throat to prepare my speech. Pinagisipan ko to kagabi kung pano ako magpapaalam. “Nga p-pala.. dad.”

Nakatuon na ngayon ang atensyon niya sa pagkain. “Hmm?”

I swear my hands are sweating and my lips are numb as bite them. “B-Birthday ng classmate ko. He is.. planning of having a birthday celebration.”

Agad nagangat ng tingin si daddy at nakikita ko ang unti unting pagkunot ng noo niya. Ikom ang labi at naghihintay sakin.

I sighed before I continue “It’s an overnight swimming. Sa resort nina Penelo-”

“No.” Dad cut me off while shaking his head. This.. ugh!

“I’m not going to stay overnight. The party starts at eight. I’ll be home by twelve-”

“No, Reina.” Dad ignored me at patuloy lang sa pagkain. Tignan mo ito!

Nagpatuloy ako na para bang di narinig ang pagtutol niya. “There will be food and drinks. Alcohol-”

“I’m not going to repeat myself anymore, princess. No. You are not going.” Dad’s eyes are now piercing when it met mine but I didn’t back out. So much for not having a row, huh?

“Will you please listen to me first?” I almost snapped. Kaya nga nagpapaalam e!

Lalong nagsalubong ang kilay ni daddy at igting ang pangang pinanood ako.

“That’s why I’m telling you.. because you got mad last time.. when I didn’t tell you.. about my whereabouts. This will be like a year-end party of my section that’s why almost everyone is going. Gusto ko po pumunta.” I said firmly. You have to understand that you sometimes need to set me free daddy. I’m not a child anymore. Pinayagan mo nga ako nung birthday ko eh!

He stayed silent while sighing. May pasinghap pa. Ang OA naman ah!

“I might drink but not too much naman. And I wont stay long. I’ll go home around midnight. Matt is with me. I want to go dad. Please?”

He clenched his jaw before letting out another sigh. “When is this? And whose birthday is it?”

I had to clear my throat again to make me look serious but I’m celebrating deep inside. Does this mean he is considering it? Oh my!

“This Saturday. M-Marlon is Amiel’s teammate in basketball. Birthday niya today pero sa weekend ang party kasama ang block namin.”

Muli siyang napasinghap at tumitig sa gitna ng hapag. “So there will be boys? And you say you will be swimming?”

Uhm yeah? The entire class nga eh. Of course I have guys and girl classmates. To naman si daddy!

“Uhuh. We have the basketball team of our strand in our section. Besides, I have girl classmates din?” I tried to sound explanatory. Kung sarcastic ako, baka mapikon pa si daddy at lalong di ako payagan. No way!

“I’ll think about it. You should hurry up or you’ll be late for school.” Dad said in a dismissive tone.

My heart is jumping but I don’t want to be confident just yet. The mere fact that he is asking for details is something that I can hold on to. Pumayag kana dad!

“Take care. Love you, dad.” I kissed him on his cheek ng matapos kumain at umakyat ako saglit sa kwarto para magtoothbrush bago gumayak patungong school.

Iyon ang tumatakbo sa isip ko on my way to school. I hope dad agrees. At least I’m honest this time. I don’t have to sneak out or whatever. I came clean.

I was scrolling on my phone when I saw a tagged photo of Anton. Nakapublic iyon kaya nakita ko kahit hindi ko friend ang nagpost. It’s a picture of him in the site. He’s wearing a plain white shirt and a demin pants. Mayroon siyang surveyor vest at safety hat. Behind him is a scaffolding. He looked… good.

Viniew ko ang post ng matanda at kita ko ang iba’t ibang picture pa galing sa site. Mayroong selfie niya doon sa may buhangin at ibang construction supplies. Mayroong kasama nila ang mga contractor. Mayroon ding kuha pero sa ibang lugar naman kasama ang tila team nila.

Saglit kong nastalk ang nagpost and I found myself looking for Anton in every uploaded pictures.

I guess it’s reasonable why he can’t message me? Nasa work naman siya at mukhang busy.

“Oh shit!” Sa sobrang pagkalibang ay aksidente kong napindot ang like button ng isa sa mga tagged picture niya. Kuya iyon sa site kung saan may dalawa siyang kausap na lalaki. Mukhang stolen shot. Bahagyang nakaawang ang bibig at nakaturo sa kung saan habang may hawak na blueprint sa isang kamay. Ang isap kausap niya ay nakatingin sa papel habang ang isang middle-aged na lalaki ay nakatanaw sa tinuturo niya sa picture.

Halos ramdam ko ang pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko sa kaba. Shit. Shit. Fuck!

Mabilis kong naunlike ang picture pero binalot parin ako ng kaba. Will it notify him? That I liked his picture? He was tagged in that specific photo!

“Ayos lang kayo ma’am?” Dinig kong tawag ni Matthew sa driver’s seat.

“Yeah. Just drive, please.” Nakatuon ang tingin ko sa cellphone. Nirefresh ko pa ang page at binalikan ang larawan para lang masiguro na wala na ang like ko doon.

Mabilis kong chineck ang messenger.. and I saw him still online. Madaling araw na doon. Shit!

Okay. Don’t act weird. It’s an honest mistake. Napindot kung sakaling magtanong. That’s it.

“Anong mukha yan be?” Natatawang asar ni Pierce ng maupo ako sa armchair ko.

He then leaned on my chair and whispered “Huy. Kamusta? Pumayag si tito?”

Nagkibit balikat ako dahil diko naman talaga alam. “Dunno. He said he’ll think about it.”

“Really? Oks na yun te! Naku sana pumayag. Iyon lang ba ang sinabi?” Agad itong nagdiwang sa tuwa.

I can’t help but chuckle. “Well he kinda disapproved at first, but I reasoned out. So he said he’ll think about it.” I shrugged.

Pierce snorted. “Ikaw ha. Ayusin mo ang pagpapaalam at baka maelbow tayes! Sweet girl ka lang ganon para push ang rampa!”

It feels like a lazy day dahil mukhang nakavacation na ang utak ng mga estudyante. Our teacher had to crack some jokes just to get the attention of the class. The class also greeted Marlon and distracted the lessons on our morning period. Kada teacher na papasok kada subject ay kakanta ng happy birthday ang mga nasa likod at kakain iyon ng ilang minuto sa klase. Wala nga din kaming ginawa ng PE namin nung hapon pero nasa court padin kami sa roofdeck. Busy lang magchismisan at pagusapan ang plano this weekend.

“Guys ano inuman mamaya sa bahay?” Dinig kong aya ni Marlon sa mga kateammate.

Everyone is having their own conversation while my eyes are glued on my phone. Nakaindian sit akong busy sa cellphone. So.. no reaction at all, huh? He probably didn’t notice that I accidentally liked it. Baka nawala sa notif niya.

Shit. Am I expecting him to react? Probably an excuse for him to talk to me?

Marlon’s birthday party slash year-end party fever is on. It’s Friday and our last day before the break at halos lahat excited. Ang mga strict ang parents kuno daw naming kaklase ay sinasabihang KJ dahil ayaw sumama. I even heard Miko invited Luigi and the other boys to join.

“Ngayon nalang kaya natin tuloy? Ano pre? Rekta na tayo don! Half-day eh!” Di mapigilan ang excitement kay Frank na ginagatungan ni Miko sa likuran. Gustuhin ko mang hindi pansinin ang diskusyon ay diko magawa dahil feeling close na nakikisali sa usapan ng mga lalake si Pierce.

Late na ng nasabihan kaming half-day daw ang klase ngayon dahil may department meeting ulit at may visitor ang school. Nagaayos na kami ng gamit pero wala pa namang may gustong umuwi dahil pinaguusapan padin nga ang planong night swimming sana bukas..

“Saturday nalang huy. Nakapagpaalam nako eh!” Sabi ng isang babae kong classmate na nasa hanay ng upuan ni Jessa. Ganun din ang suhestiyon ng iba.

“Sige goods na tayo sa Saturday basta pupunta kayo ha? Penn kamusta? Pwede ba kami sa resort niyo?” Ani Marlon.

I texted dad dahil maaga pa naman at wala din akong gagawin sa bahay. “Dad. Half-day lang po kami today. Pupuntahan kita.”

“Sure no prob. Nakausap ko na si mommy. Private pool at villa ang nareserve pero may discount kayo sa entrance. And no need to pay for the villa.”

Sabay non ang hiyawan ng buong klase na lalong nagpaexcite sa kanila. Not that I wanted to set foot in that bitch’s resort but.. it seems fun and I don’t want to miss it. Gusto kong sumama. Kung papayag lang si daddy.

Halos ilang minuto pa ang tinagal namin sa room ng nagpasya na kaming isa isang umuwi. Pumirma lang kami ng attendance sa one whole sheet of paper na pinaikot ng class president at ayos na.

May mga nagaayang kumain ulit or magcafe sa labas ng school pero hindi na ako sumama. Nagaya din ang boys na inuman ulit dahil daw half-day. Tumanggi na kami. Nauna nako kayna Pierce at sa baba nalang ng MECS ako bibili ng gustong inumin.

Nagulat pa si Matt ng makita ako sa parking lot ng school. Agad naman nitong binuksan ang pinto ng backseat bago sumakay sa unahan. I’m not grounded anymore so it’s not necessary for him to be with me all the time. Balik siya dito sa parking naghihintay.

“Maaga tayo ma’am?” Tanong niya mula sa driver’s seat.

I put on my seatbelt. “Half-day kami. I texted dad. Sa MECS tayo.”

Pinapanood niya ako sa rearview mirror ng agad itong tumango at inistart ang sasakyan.

“Yes ma’am.”

Nakasilent ang phone ko kaya diko nakitang may reply na si dad. “I’m in a meeting. You can go straight to my office. Take care, princess.”

Trenta minutos ang naging biyahe ko at dumiretso nga ako ng Starbucks sa baba ng building bago pumasok sa kompanya. With a venti cup of strawberry crème frappuccino on my left hand and my designer bag hanging on my right, all eyes are fixated on me when I entered the lobby.

The receptionist from the lobby approached me but I didn’t stop walking. “Good afternoon, Ms. Montecarlo. The president is in a meeting and he’s expecting you in his office. This way ma’am.” Habol niya sakin at sumabay siya sa paglalakad para magiya ako pero nakasunod siya saking derederetso lang ng elevator.

The lift stopped at the twenty-sixth floor and we had to take another ride to the executive floors of the company.

Some of the employees who are outside the shared room saw me and said their greeting. Simple lang akong tumango at pumasok ulit ng elevator. May isang nagpakilalang executive assistant na sumama samin. Ang receptionist na kasunod ko ang nagpindot ng twenty-nine sa lift bago kami umangat sa tamang palapag.

I said my thanks before dismissing them when we reached dad’s floor. Kasama ni dad sa meeting si Ben kaya yung isang executive assistant ang nagpresintang magprepare ng snacks sa console pero tumanggi na ako. Matt stood still beside the bookshelf and I went straight to daddy’s desk.

“I’m here.” I sent an update to dad. Dito nalang ako tatambay kesa naman sa bahay. I sat on his huge swivel chair and leaned on its backrest. Pinagmasdan ko ang mga nasa mesa ni dad.

The office of the president and chairman of the board is clean. Wala masyadong ayos. The interior looks manly and simple. White and wood colors for the wallpaper, a portrait of dad and I when I was in junior high is hanging in the right corner, while their wedding photo is hanging on the other side, the bookshelves looked boring with the books stored, mayroon ding glass cabinet para sa mga plaque at awards. May mga halaman din na nagbibigay buhay sa opisina.

Walang documents sa table ni dad pero nasa harap ang nameplate niya, at mga picture frames na nagbigay dekorasyon sa gilid ng mesa.

Kinuha ko ang drawing ng side profile ni mommy sa tila cream paper, with dad’s signature on its bottom part. It looks artsy. I don’t know when was this drew pero ang ganda ng pagkakagawa. I traced my index finger on the intricate lines of the drawing on the glass. Ang ibang frame ay picture ni mommy ang nakalagay, baby picture ko, at picture namin ni dad when I was in grade school. Nakapanlalaki pa akong damit dito at nakakandong sakanya.

Binalik ko sa dating ayos ang kinuhang frame at pinihit ang swivel chair paharap sa glass window na may overlooking ng downtown habang sumisimsim sa frappe. I always find this view relaxing.

Dito ako nagpalipas ng oras at nakatulog sa upuan ni daddy.

Kabanata 11

I didn’t realize that I took a quick nap until I woke up when I heard someone murmuring inside daddy’s office. I opened my eyes and saw dad and tito Raymond talking near the glass window. Wala na si Matt sa office. Nakatalikod si dad sakin at nakaharap naman sakanya si tito kaya kita ko siya sa banda ko. They seemed serious.. even tito Raymond is sporting his unusual poker face, in his blue suit and tie while dad is wearing his dress shirt dahil ang coat niya ay nakakumot sakin. Dito nako nakatulog sa swivel chair niya at ang alam kong hawak ko na frappuccino kanina ay nakapatong na sa mesa. What time is it?

“Dad.” Halos paos ko pang tawag.

Sabay silang napalingon sakin. Dad sighed before walking towards his desk while tito Raymond slowly followed, now smirking.

Dad gave me a quick kiss on the forehead. “You fell asleep. Are you tired?”

“What time is it?” I asked at umayos ng upo.

“It’s only two thirty-five. So your sweet daughter knows how to skip classes now kuya?” Tito Raymond commented with his intriguing tone. I rolled my eyes that made him chuckle. Dad is not pleased with him grinning and I hate tito for it!

“Of course not! May department meeting daw po yung mga teachers namin ng hapon kaya nagattendance lang kami tas umuwi na.” I had to explain or dad might believe tito’s statement. He stared at me for a second before nodding.

“I’ll be here til five and I’ll visit your mom right after. You should go home so you can sleep well, princess.” Dad suggested pero agad akong umiling.

“Ayaw ko pa po umuwi. Can I stay for a while?”

Dad gave me a small smile. “Of course. But if you’re tired, Matthew is downstairs. He’ll take you home alright?”

Nakita ko si tito Raymond na naupo sa couch. He is watching us while twisting his lips. Both of his arms are on the backrest. I sighed. I want to talk to dad about tomorrow’s outing.

“Dad. About.. tomorrow. Have you decided?” Kuryoso kong tanong. Muling bumaling sakin ang daddy at nagtaas ng kilay.

“Ah!” Tito chuckled. “That explains the sudden visit. Nagpapagoodshot? Let me guess, another shopping spree?” Nakadekwarto pa itong pinihit ang katawan paharap samin para makasali sa usapan.

Huminga ako ng malalim para kumuha ng buwelo. I stared at dad. “My classmates.. are talking about it earlier. The plan is set. Can I go?”

“What is it, kuya?” Ang chismosong tito Raymond.

“I said I’ll think about it.” Dad, ignoring his brother.

I sighed. “Bukas na po iyon and they are finalizing the headcount. I promise I’ll be good. I’ll be home by midnight.”

Dad put both of his hands on his side pockets before sighing, not tearing off his gaze at me. “I still don’t like the idea.”

“Party? Why not? Go head and enjoy hija.” Tito Raymond chimed in while he wrinkled his brows annoyingly. Ngising ngisi pa itong tumango tango.

I witnessed how dad’s eyes dripping with anger when he looked at tito before turning back to me. Tsk. He is not helping! Quiet ka nga tito!

“There’s alcohol and you will be drinking with boys. I don’t like it-”

“Those are my classmates! And of course I’ll be with the girls? Come on.” If only you stop being so primitive, daddy. Tss.

“You dad is right, Ria. It’s not a good picture to see if you hang out and drink with boys.” Tito Raymond shrugged and gave me a stern look though his evil grin is still plastered on his face. I don’t know how he is doing that. Kakaasar ang face.

I greeted my teeth at my two-faced uncle. I thought you are on my side? Ugh!

“Will you stop interrupting tito?” Diko napigilang sita.

“Reina! That’s your uncle. Don’t be rude.” Dad’s voice thundered. Great. Now I’m being reprimanded eh siya yung sabat ng sabat. Thanks a lot, tito!

“I’m sorry.” I apologized to tito Raymond kahit na matalim ang titig ko sa nakangisi niyang pagmumukha. “Sorry.. dad. I just… I w-want to go. I t-told you it’s our y-year-end party na. Almost all of my classmates are coming. You can’t single me out. Please!” I said begging. Can’t I just have fun?

Nakahalukipkip na siya ngayong nakatanaw sakin. Igting ang mga panga at hindi nagbabago ang isip.

“Would you rather me sneaking out instead of you letting me join the outing willingly?” I laid my back on the backrest of his swivel chair and tilted my head to challenge his intense gaze.

Tito Raymond barked out of laughter. “Persuasive. And with guts to negotiate. Very good. Only if you are doing that to our businesses hija.” Kunwari ay naiiling nitong sabi sa sarili. Just shut up for a minute tito please!

“Leave us for now, Raymond. I need the proposal of your team on my desk at three.” Thank God, you finally decided to ask him to leave!

Tito Raymond raised both of his hands in the air, still laughing “They are on it. I’m leaving for another meeting so I’ll have RJ to attend that presentation.” Saka siya tumayo at kumindat pa sakin bago tinahak ang pinto ng opisina ni daddy.

Just before he turned the door knob, muli siyang lumingon samin. “Your daughter is right kuya. She’s of age and it’s inevitable to keep her from all of that now. You have men to watch over her anyway. Unless you don’t want her to live like a normal teenager. Just my two cents.” Nang uuya pa itong nagkibit balikat bago tuluyang lumabas na ng opisina.

Diba nga? Kung kanina mo sinabi iyan at hindi mo ginagatungan si daddy! Ugh!

Dad exhaled loudly. I pouted my lips more and blinked a couple of times. This is the time you are saying yes, dad.

He squatted in front of me and watched me intently. Tipid siyang ngumiti. “Of course I want my baby girl to live like a normal teenager. To do the things she wants. Whatever makes my princess happy.”

He then reached out to caress my cheek “But not everything that you feel like wanting to do is good for you. Huwag sanang sasama ang loob mo sakin kung pinagbabawalan kita. You are all that I have. All I ever want is for you to be safe, Reina. All the time. Away from harm and bad people who will influence you not to do things for your own good. Trust me that your mother would have wanted the same.”

Alam ko naman iyon. My lips curled upwards as I am getting teary-eyed. Fuck hormones!

“I’ll be safe, I promise!” Maagap kong sagot kahit medyo nanginig ang boses. “I’ll be fine. Matt is with me and he’ll take me home.” To give him assurance too.

Mabigat siyang suminghap. “Sober. He’ll take you home by eleven thirty. Sober, Reina. Or don’t consider going at all.” He said it with conviction.

Gusto kong pigilan ang pagkunot ng noo ko pero kusa na iyong rumehistro sa mukha ko. “Uhm? Midnight?” Pag ulit ko. Midnight ang paalam ko ah?

“Eleven thirty. You’ll be home by eleven thirty or you’re not going.” Dad reiterated. What?

I groaned and dad laughed mockingly. “Sober, Reina. Do you understand?”

“Tsk.” Napapihit ako sa kinauupuan. “Just a couple of shots then? Please? I can handle it. Andun naman si Pierce, his.. cousin and some of my girl classmates.” Nakataas na ang parehong kilay ko mapatotohanan lang ang sinasabi. I won’t go beyond my limits anyway.

He sighed deeply. “Fine. But not drunk and wasted. Am I clear, Reina Ariane?”

I swear I’m pursing my lips to stop me from smiling but I’m screaming internally. Alright. That’ll do. Aaahhh!!

Mabilis akong tumango tango. “Yes. I promise, dad. Can I go then?”

Mariing titig pa ang ginawad niya sakin bago ito yumuko at tumango. I can’t help but shrieking this time.

“Yay! Thanks, daddy!” I leaned to hug him and he hugged me back.

“Take care, alright? Hindi ka magsuswimming sa malalim. Hayaan mo ang mga kaklase mo doon.”

“Okay.”

“And no swimsuits, please. You’ll wear your rash guard and your board shorts.”

Eh? What the hell? Boring! But oh well. I can just wear that underneath. Fine. “Alright. Love you, daddy.”

He kissed my hair while slowly rubbing my back “Anything for my princess.”

Hindi na ako nagtagal sa opisina ni daddy dahil may meeting siya ng alas tres. Pinahatid na niya ako pauwi para daw makapagpahinga ng maayos ng makita niya akong mahikab ng dalawang beses.

Nagkoconfirm na ng headcount si Marlon ng sasama sa groupchat ng section namin. Nagtanong din siya sa separate poll kung anong pagkain daw ang gusto. Wala namang catering pero puro takeout ang dala namin bukas kaya ngayon palang sinisiguro na niya pati ang alak na gustong inumin ng mga kaklase. Sobrang saya ko na magvote ng yes sa poll ng mga sasama.

“Bakla true ba na jojoin ka? Shet lezgow walwalan na!!” Nabasa kong chat ni Pierce sa groupchat naming tatlo ng pinsan niya. Napangiti ako sa excitement.

“Ikr! Dad agreed pero I can’t be drunk so I need to be matino paguwi. I have a curfew. Hindi ako makakapagwalwal bakla.” Reply ko.

“Oks na yan te! Ang mahalaga pumayag siya. Oh em gee ang saya ko! Excited na excited kaya ako jumoin dun!” Sagot ni Pierce.

I didn’t really bother to choose what I will wear for tomorrow. Niready ko lang ang bag ko at ang mga kakailanganin ko pero magaayos padin ako bukas.

Nahiga na ako pagkatapos magpatuyo ng buhok. Everything seems fine. No message from him still. Baka hindi niya nakita na aksidente kong nalike ang picture niya?

I groaned. Try to be mindful next time, Ria.

“Are you all set for later?” Dad asked me about tonight’s party during our lunch. Galing siya kay mommy at dahil napasarap ang tulog ko eh nagising nalang ako para sa tanghalian.

“Yup.”

“Don’t forget your rash guards. No bikinis, Reina.” Dad commanded na nakataas ang isang kilay at muntik na atang mawala ang itim ng mata ko sa pagirap.

“Alright. Alright.”

Exactly eight o’clock in the evening ng narating ko ang resort nina Penelope. I just brought my toiletries at dress na pampalit dahil nakarash guard at dolphin shorts nakong nagpunta. Nakaponytail nadin ako. I need to show daddy na ito nalang ang susuotin ko pangligo at para di maraming bitbit. I am wearing an orange bikini underneath.

Nakita ko si Luigi na naghihintay sa labas. Nakasando itong puti at jersey shorts. May suot na back pack. Agad siyang napatingin sakin.

“Uhm.. kadadating mo lang?” Tanong ko.

Inayos niya ang kanyang salamin at napalunok. “O-oo. Pasok kana ba?”

Simple akong tumango. “Gusto mong sumabay?”

Awang ang labi nitong tumango. Kilala ako ng security kaya madali kong natanong kung nasan ang nireserve samin ni Penelope. Pagkatapos kong magbayad ng entrance ay sabay na kaming pumasok sa loob. Kakatapos lang daw magbayad ni Luigi at papasok na sana ng makita ako.

May isang malaking infinity pool at may three-bedroom villa kami. May restrooms sa loob pero may access din kami sa shower room sa labas malapit sa pool. Maingay ang iilang kaklase dahil sa music at mukhang nagiinuman na. Lahat sila may red cups na hawak.

“Ria! Just in time! Padating palang ang iba.” Salubong sakin ni Marlon pero nakunot ang noo sa katabi ko. “You’re with Luigi?”

Umiling ako. “Happy birthday ulit! Nope. Nakita ko siya sa entrance kaya sabay na kami. Kasama ko ang driver ko.”

Tumango naman siya at giniya kami sa mesang may mga pagkain. Inapiran niya si Matt at Luigi bago inayang pumasok. Pormal si Matt pero si Luigi ay naiilang na umapir pabalik sakanya.

“Baks! Tara na swimming!” Si Pierce na animo sirenang nahuli ng lambat sa lumalangoy sa pool kasama nina Jerico. Nakanet itong itim na sando at nakaneon green na shorts na kumakaway sakin.

“Later. Kain muna tayo dali!” Aya ko sakanya. Sa isang mahabang mesa nakalagay ang mga pagkain pati paper plates at plastic utensils. There’s pizza, chicken lollipops, spaghetti, lasagna, sisig, at may fried tempura din. Ang ibang lalaking kaklase ay topless na nagiihaw ng barbecue at isda. Sa kabilang mesa naman ang bote ng mga soft drinks at mga hard na inumin. Mayroon ding cooler para sa mga beers na pinapalamig na.

“Kain muna kayo. Huwag kayong mahiya.” Natatawang aya ni Marlon. May mga kadadating lang din na babaeng kaklase na sinalubong nina Miko.

“I’m here, dad.” Text ko kay daddy. I’m sure Matt is updating him pero he also asked me to notify him once I’m here. I also sent him a picture of my plate pati nadin ang kabuoan ng pwesto namin.

“Good. Take care and enjoy, princess.” Reply niya.

Ang mga boys ay nagiinuman na. Ang iba naman ay naliligo na sa pool. Naupo akong kumain kasama nina Luigi at ng mga kadadating lang na kaklase. Inaya ko nading kumain si Matt pero tumanggi ito dahil nakakain na daw siya. Inabutan siya ng red cup ni Frank kanina pero tumanggi din ito. Nakatayo lang ito malapit sa may puno sa di kalayuan ng pool. Enough distance para di naman awkward at intimidating para sa mga kaklase ko. I just informed them na kailangan ko ng bodyguard kapag tinatanong kung sino daw siya.

“Bro! Finally! Antagal mo ah.” Dinig kong sigaw ni Marlon. I turned and see Amiel na nakavarsity jacket at jersey shorts. Nakaitim siyang sando sa loob.

“Galing akong gym. Kanina pa kayo?” Tanong nito at nakipagbro fist sa ibang kaibigan.

“Yes sir. Kain ka muna tas inuman na.”

The night is young and so are we. Malakas ang party music at halos lahat nadin ay nagiinuman na matapos kumain. I need to be sober so I am only drinking Tanduay Ice. Mamaya daw ay may pagames at hindi pwedeng hindi iinom.

Tinawag ko si Matt at mabilis itong lumapit. “Magpapalit lang ako. Kumain ka kung gusto mo. Safe naman ang gamit namin sa villa.”

He titled his head. “Magbibihis na kayo ma’am? Hindi na kayo magsuswimming?” What is he talking about?

“Huh? Magsuswimming nga ako. I’m taking this off. Don’t you tell daddy. Do you understand?” I said while pointing at him. Bumuntong hininga lang ito at tumango.

Sa may shower room nako nagpalit dahil may mga cubicle naman doon. Papasok nako ng makita ko si Penelope na palabas. Nakabraid ito at nakapink na bra at black na shorts.

“Ahm.. magbibihis ka din?”

“Yup.” Tipid kong sagot. Get out of my way. Pumasok ako sa loob kasama sina Jessa at iba pa nagpapalit ng swimsuit.

I first thought of removing my rash guard and my shorts pero naiisp kong baka malamigan ako. I decided to take off my rash guard nalang instead. Nakaorange bikini top ako at tinira ko ang dolphin shorts. I kept my ponytail para di magulo ang buhok ko sa pagligo.

Nagshower na din ako bago lumabas. Agad akong inabutan ng shot ng tequila kaya wala akong nagawa kung di ang tunggain iyon at sumipsip ng lemon. Whoo! I love this!

May dala silang inflatable beach ball at naglaro kami ng agawan sa pool. The boys are topless and in their jersey shorts while the girls are in their bikinis. Naiiling nalang ako sa mga lalaking kaklase na hinihiyawan ang mga babae na ngayon lang daw nila nakita magbikini. Saglit lang akong nakilaro dahil nilamig nga ako at baka sipunin. Agad akong lumapit kay Matt na may hawak ng towel ko.

“Did you tell daddy? Tell me the truth.” Sabi ko habang nagpupunas ng katawan.

I heard my bodyguard sighed beside me. “Hindi po ma’am Ria. Pero magagalit iyon dahil-”

“Kaya nga hindi mo sasabihin! I have my shorts anyway. Huwag ka nga.” I snapped.

“Guys beerpong!”

Nakabalabal sakin ang puting tuwalya at agad tumakbo para makisali. Hindi ako marunong kaya nakikishoot nalang ako. Magkakampi ang girls at sa kabila naman ang boys.

“Inom ka naman bro. Pang girls iyan eh. Huwag KJ!” Si Miko kay Luigi na may hawak din na Tanduay Ice pero inaabutan nila ng tequila. Dahil sa kantyaw ay napailing itong tumungga at halos mangasim ang mukha. Natawa ako at kumuha ulit ng Tanduay Ice sa cooler. Pangatlo ko na to. I need to be sober kaya ito lang dapat.

“If you’re cold then might as well put your rash guard on.” Ani Amiel na kumuha naman ng bote ng Heineken.

“Maliligo pa ako.” Sabi ko at binuksan ang Tanduay Ice na kinuha.

“And you can’t swim wearing it?” He quickly asked.

“No.” Saglit ko siyang tinapunan ng tingin bago lumakad palayo.

“Guys! Ngayon nalang tayo mag kings cup! Uuwi si Ria before midnight eh!” Sigaw ni Pierce.

I still have an hour and a half. Lito akong lumingon sakanya. “What’s kings cup?”

Ngumisi ito sakin. “Malalaman mo din. Masaya yun!”

Gusto pa magswimming ng iba pero pumayag na din na maglaro dahil may iba din na di daw pinayagan magovernight sa girls. Inayos nila ang mesa ng beerpong para gamitin namin sa game.

“Walang KJ. Lahat gagawin kung hindi iinom or depende sa consequences okay ba?”

It was a fun game. Iyon nga lang kapag natatalo ay yung Tanduay Ice ang iniinom ko at hindi ang pinapaikot na Alfonso. Mayroon ding category game, naglaro din kami ng ping pong pang at truth or dare.

The game started to get heated dahil may ibang pinapaamin ng crush. May iba ding dinedare for a kiss. Meron ding pinapagbody shots. Nagiging wild na at napapadami ng inom. Kahit ako ay umiinit na din ang pakiramdam sa iniinum ko.

Pulang pula si Penelope ng matapat sakanya ang bote. “Truth or dare couz!!!” Si Pierce na makulit na.

Maybe it’s the alcohol but I started to get uncomfortable. She chose the truth and the girl from Jessa’s circle asked her kung sino ang crush niya sa mga kasama namin ngayon. She then said dare at ang mga boys naman ang nagsabe na halikan daw niya ang crush niya.

I took a quick glance at Amiel who seemed nonchalant about the game. Topless itong umiinom katabi ni Jerico. Nagangat siya ng tingin kaya mabilis akong umiwas.

“Oh em gee! Don’t tell me may crush ka sa classroom baks! Di mo sinasabe samin ah! Five seconds! Walang malisya!” Gatong ni Pierce na lalong nagpalakas ng hiyawan.

Everybody started cheering ‘five seconds walang malisya’

My brow cocked up when I saw her looked at me. Are you asking for permission? Try kissing him in front of me then. Walang hiya.

Umiling nalang ito at mabilis tinungga ang alak. Andaming umangal at KJ daw kaya dinagdagan pa ni Sammie ang shot kaya lalo siyang namula.

I don’t know pero mabilis akong nawala sa mood. Hindi rin nakakatulong na mukhang tinutukso si Amiel ng mga lalaki. The others seemed oblivious but I heard it. Mukhang ako lang ang nakaintindi noon. Siniko siya ni Jerico.

“Nice one bro.” Dinig kong sabi niya kay Amiel.

Tinungga ko ang natitirang alak sa bote ko at nagpaalam na magc-cr.

I needed to be alone kaya sa loob nako ng villa nagcr. Doon din nagcr si Kate na saktong kakalabas lang. At dahil talagang makapal ang mukha ni Penelope, nakita ko siyang nakaharap sa salamin paglabas ko ng cubicle na naghuhugas ng kamay.

“O-Okay kapa.. Ria?”

I stared at her from head to foot. “What do you think?”

Bakas ang lito at takot sa mukha niya. “B-Baka lang lasing kana. Baka pagalitan ka ulit ni tito-”

“You snake. Ang kapal ng mukha mong umasta na parang wala lang after what you did.” I said while greeting my teeth. She shivered in fear.

“R-Ria? A-Anong problema?”

I laughed mockingly at naghugas ng kamay sa tabi niya. “So you are acting stupid?”

Kita ko sa peripheral ko ang pagbaling niya sakin. Tila naiinis. “Nagaalala lang ako. Napapansin ko din na parang iwas ka sakin. Anong.. problema mo?”

I can’t with this bitch. Nagpagpag ako ng kamay at humarap sakanya. “Let’s see. You acted like a supportive friend, yet here you are doing nasty shitty things behind my back. You are a cheap, venomous snake and a two-faced whore!”

Kita kong ang galit sa namumula niyang mukha. Her eyes are starting to water. “Anong karapatan mong sabihan ako niyan?”

“You fucked Amiel! In his car! The night we went out! Don’t tell me you will deny it?” I growled. Sa sobrang galit ay diko na naisip kung may makarinig ba sa labas.

Bakas ang gulat sa mukha niya. “A-Ano? How.. h-how did you..”

“Ang kapal ng mukha mo! You know from the very beginning that I like him! He’s my betrothed. And yet here you are secretly fancying him. Palihim mo pala siyang pinagnanasaan malandi ka-” I was cut off when my face turned to my left. She.. slapped me.

I was stunned. She didn’t just do that. Bitch!

I turned to her snappily and slapped her back. Twice. Harder. “Ang kapal ng mukha mo! Don’t you dare get your dirty slutty hands on me!”

Umiiyak siyang napahawak sa pisngi niya. I can’t believe it. She didn’t just laid her hand on me! You motherfucker!

I stepped towards her making her coward before me. “May gana kapang umasta na kaibigan ko. You were no longer a friend. Malandi ka. Nasa loob ang kulo mo!”

“W-Wala akong.. inagaw sayo.. hindi kayo ni-”

Napahikbi na siya ng isa pang malakas na sampal ang binigay ko sakanya na ikinalaglag ng salamin niya. “Is that your justification to what you just did? Hah! I wonder what will your cousin say.. or tita Jocelyn about you you slut!”

Or.. shit! I remember! Didn’t Pierce accused her of being introduced to someone?

Hindi ko mapigilang mainis at halos mangilid ang luha ko sa galit. I turned to her and saw her anger and fear. “What Pierce said.. nirereto ka ng mommy mo.. k-kanino? Kay Amiel? Si Amiel ba?!”

Hindi siya makasagot. I can’t believe it! She didn’t deny it. Fuck!

“Fucking answer me!”

Tipid siyang ngumisi kahit na basang basa ang mukha ng luha at namumula ang pisngi sa sampal ko. What a bitch!

“She just wanted to introduce me to someone.. decent.. and from a rich family. Tita Elisse is a good friend of mommy.. classmates sila noon-”

Hindi ko na siya pinatapos at lumabas na ako ng banyo. Mabilis kong pinunasan ang mga luha. I don’t want to make a scene. Ayokong makwestyon ng mga kaklase kung bakit ako umiiyak.

I was betrayed. Tita Elisse made a promise to my mom! That I’ll marry her son Amiel! Kaya pala matapang ang malandi dahil gusto siyang itero kay Amiel. It doesn’t make sense.

Does Pierce know? Alam nila na gusto ko si Amiel at alam din nila ang estado namin. We are not together and we are certainly not a thing, yes. But still!

Bumalik ako sa mesa na parang walang nangyari. Patuloy ang inuman at asaran nila sa laro. Wala sa sarili akong napatungga ng iniikot nilang Alfonso at coke dahil sa inis.

All this time. I thought I had real friends. How should I react? If Pierce also knew about Penelope desiring Amiel and her mother’s plan, then what should I do? Kung sasabihin ko sakanyang may nangyari kay Amiel at sa pinsan niya.. sino ang kakampihan niya saming dalawa?

Para akong pinaglaruan. What the fuck!

“Baks namumula kana. Keri pa? Uuwi ka ng eleven thirty uy!” Ani Pierce. I stared at him as I pursed my lips to stop me from getting teary-eyed. If he also knew about what happened to Penelope and Amiel, then.. I don’t have any real friends. Wala akong mapagkakatiwalaan sakanila.

How can I do it? How should I back away? It pains me to cut ties with them.. we have been friends for years!

Napabalik lang ako mula sa iniisip ng muling magsigawan ang mga kaklase ng natapat kay Luigi ang dulo ng bote. It’s his turn to do the truth or dare. Pulang pula na siya at mas lalong tumingkad ang mga tigyawat niya. Kahit tumatanggi ay pinapainom padin siya.

“Bawal ang KJ. Truth or dare?” Tanong ni Miko na nakatayo at may hawak na bote.

“Truth.” Sagot nito.

“Sino ang crush mo sa mga kaklase natin?”

Agad siyang kinantyawan. Matagal bago siya makasagot. “A-Ano.. akin na yung shot.”

“Di pwede yan. Ang KJ pag lagi nalang iinom. Sige dare. Kiss mo nalang sa lips ang crush mo!” Si Marlon. May ibang ngumingiwi na sa girls. Probably disgusted with what Marlon dared him to do.

“Tagal mo couz. Umiyak kaba? Namumula ka.” Si Pierce. Kakabalik lang ni Penelope na naupo sa may tapat ko.

Napatingin siya sakin bago umiwas at umiling sa pinsan. I rolled my eyes. You bitch!

“Kadiri. Baka ikaw kiss niyan. Katabi ka niya lagi eh.” Kantyaw ni Andra na katabi ko sa nasa kaliwa niya. Dinig ko ang natatawa nitong bulong.

Dahil sa paghatak at kantyaw kay Luigi ay tumayo na ito para gawin ang dare. Lumakad siya papunta sa gawi namin.

“Papunta dito. Oh my gosh I can’t!” Si Andra.

Lalong umingay ang boys sa kanan ko. Napatingin ako sa pwesto nila at agad nagtama ang tingin namin ng kunot noong si Amiel. Lalo pang lumakas ang hiyawan.

“Ahm..”

Lumingon ako ng may marinig na nagsalita sa likod. Si Luigi.

“Hanep. Si Ria pa ata ang crush. Ayos din mangarap!” Natatawang asar ng isang kaklase naming lalaki. What the hell?

“Oh my gosh baks!” Si Pierce na naiiling at may halong diri.

Namumula si Luigi na napakamot sa batok. What is happening?

“S-Sorry Ria. Okay lang b-ba? Dare l-lang.” Ani Luigi na nagpalakas ng sigawan. Halong diri at paghihikayat sakanya na gawin ang dare. The fuck? I still don’t have my first kiss tapos si Luigi lang pala ang unang hahalik sakin? Hell no!

“Ahm.. sorry but I have to go home. You can continue playing-”

“Uy huwag naman KJ Ria. Kahit last na bago ka lang umuwi. Birthday ko naman eh.” Si Marlon na ginatungan pa ng iba.

I felt bad dahil mukhang napahiya si Luigi pero what the fuck! Ayoko nga!

“What the fuck, Marlon?” Si Amiel na padarag na binaba ang baso ng alak.

“Seriously. I need to go home. Sorry. Next time nalang.” Ani ko kay Marlon.

“Oh next time nalang daw Luigi. Pakinis ka daw muna.” Kantyaw ng isang lalaki naming kaklase na inapiran ni Miko.

May iba pading nagpupush ng dare. Tinulak pa si Luigi kaya napasubsob pa siya sakin. Kung hindi ko siya bahagyang natulak ay baka nagdikit na ang mga mukha namin. Shocks!

Mabilis akong tumayo para magpaalam na. “I’m sorry Luigi. Please don’t feel bad. Ahm.. it’s just.. I need to go home. Hinahanap nako ni daddy.”

“O-Okay lang. Pasensya na.” Hilaw siyang ngumiti at tumango.

Agad akong nagpaalam na. Binigyan pako ng isang tagay dahil paalis naman daw na.

Naghintay sakin si Matt sa labas ng villa. Mabilis akong naligo para makapagpalit na agad. Nagsuot nako ng damit at planong sa kwarto nalang maglotion. Pagbalik ko ng kwarto ay nandun si Amiel na nakaupo sa kama na may hawak ng bote ng beer. What is he doing here?

Agad siyang napalingon sakin at kunot ang noong pinasadahan ng tingin ang suot ko.

“Why are you here? Ayaw mo na maglaro?” I asked to ease the awkwardness. Mabilis kong binalik sa bag ang plastic ng basang damit at gamit panligo. Dinig ko ang pagkalansing ng bote sa sahig.

“That stupid fucker. What was he thinking.” Amiel murmured but I couldn’t hear it properly.

“Huh?” Lingon ko sakanya na halos ikaout of balance ko dahil nakatayo na pala siya sa likod ko. Mabilis niya akong nasalo sa likod at napahawak ako sa hubad niyang dibdib bilang balanse.

I was about to react when I felt his soft lips against mine. Nanlaki ang mata ko sa nangyari. I only closed my eyes as I felt him prolonging the kiss. Matagal na nakalapat sakin ang mga labi niya bago siya muling umangat at inalalayan akong tumayo.

He kissed me. Did that just happen? Oh my God!

Namumungay ang mga mata niyang nakatitig sakin. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung ano ang itsura ko ngayon. Hindi ako makagalaw sa kinatatayuan. I’m so stunned!

“Tss. No one is going to kiss you.. but me.” He said before turning his back on me to pick up the bottle of Heineken on the floor and started walking out of the room. Leaving me all dumbfounded.

Di ko na nagawang maglotion at kinuha nalang ang bag. Hanggang sa lumabas ay tila para akong nakakita ng multo. Sinalubong ako ni Pierce ng yakap kaya nawala ang malalim kong iniisip.

“Ingat ka baks. Sayang. Next time sana pumayag si tito na overnight!” Aniya. Sa likod niya ay si Penelope na nakadistansya samin.

I cleared my throat and bid my goodbye. Still on cloud nine about what happened. I can’t think clearly. “Enjoy k-kayo. U-Uwi nako.”

Nagpaalam na din ako sa mga kaklase. Inaasar pa si Marlon na nangchachansing dahil may goodbye hug sakin. Birthday naman daw niya. Narinig ko ding kinakantyawan nila si Luigi na baka daw ihatid ako kaya namumulang itong yumuko. I took a quick glance at Amiel who looks irritated. He is staring at me while playing with his lower lip. Agad akong umiwas ng tingin.

Sa sasakyan ay tahimik lang ako at nakatitig sa kawalan. So much for not having my first kiss. Wala sa sarili akong napahawak sa labi at naalala at paglapat ng kay Amiel doon.

I can’t help but smile. Hindi ko alam. Kinikilig ba ko? Why did he kiss me? Does.. he like me? Or was it because he’s drunk and thirsty? But.. why me?

I heard may dinate siyang cheer leader ng kabilang school pero saglit na saglit lang iyon. He is still single.

Nawala ako sa dami ng tanong sa isipan ng magvibrate ang phone ko. Nagtext ako kay daddy na nasa byahe na ako pauwi. Mukhang lalampas pako sa curfew!

I saw dad’s reply to my text but I also saw another new unread message on my messenger.. from Anton.

“Good evening, Reina.”

Kabanata 12

There’s a lot of things that’s going on in my mind right now on my way home. I can’t help thinking about that kiss, my first kiss! Plus Anton now messaging me again after some ages, not to mention that dad has been nagging me because I’m running late!

“Where are you, Reina?” This time he called. Kahit na nagupdate din si Matt sakanya kanina.

I sighed. “Pauwi na. Malapit na po dad.”

He let out a cold sigh before cutting the line off. Tsk. Paliko na talaga ng mansyon!

A couple of minutes have gone by and I can already see our tall fences with our last name written just above the gates. Bukas na ito at tila naghihintay samin. Paliko palang sa entrada si Matt ay tanaw ko na si daddy na nakatayo sa may double door entrance ng bahay.

I tried to still smile brightly kahit na mukhang umuusok na ang ilong ng huli. It’s still before midnight?

“Eleven thirty huh? You are-”

I didn’t let him finish. Agad nalang akong yumakap sakanya. “I’m sorry. I’m here na dad. And I’m sober. Can I rest now?”

I can feel his aggressive breathing but he hugged me back. “Oh you. Go to your room and rest. Good night, Reina.”

Dinungaw ko siya ng mas may malaking ngisi kahit busangot ang mukha niya. I had to stop myself from laughing at his reaction “Thank you, daddy. I had fun tonight. Medyo nalate po tuloy ng uwi.” Not that I need to reason out anymore. I know he’s not mad.

He scoffed “Fine. It’s late. Magpahinga kana sa kwarto mo.”

I just had a brisk shower dahil naganlaw naman nako sa resort. Nagpatuyo lang ng buhok at nahiga na din.

I am staring at the high ceiling, playing with my lips, trying to digest what really happened.

What was that kiss for? Was it still part of the game? Maybe he was dared to kiss someone. The bigger question in my head now.. is why me?

I bit my lower lip to suppress my smile. Ganun pala ang pakiramdam non. His lips.. were so soft. His breath.. smelled mint and alcohol.

Naghuhuramentado na ang dibdib ko ng maalala ang komprontasyon namin ni Penelope. My smile then immediately faded.

Mabiis na bumalot sakin ang iritasyon. I don’t think I can trust anyone at this point. I know her true nature now. She likes Amiel for sure. But Pierce.. if he knows.. about his cousin..

“Ugh!” I groaned. Kinuha ko ang cellphone sa bedside table. Nakita ko ang chat ni Pierce kung nakauwi na daw ba ako at sinagot ko lang ng oo.

If I leave from our groupchat, that will trigger questions. Am I ready to answer them? Is it worth it to deal with this drama?

Nakita ko ang unread message galing kay Anton na nilong press ko lang kanina. I haven’t replied to him yet since hindi ko din naman alam kung paano siya sasagutin. He won’t bother me with messages he said. Bat may pagood evening?

I somehow need to clear my head. Ano ang uunahin kong pagtuunan ng pansin? Should I confront Amiel about the kiss? Should I.. tell Pierce.. about what I know about his cousin.. or should I respond to Anton.

With all that’s been happening I just want to be as nonchalant as possible pero alam ko din kasi na kung malalaman ni Pierce ang kung anong kababuyan ng pinsan niya, that’s gonna be too much. It’s gonna impact my senior high school life negatively. I just want to.. slowly detached. I don’t want to waste time and effort for that bitch. That is if Pierce is not aware of what happened.

I wish it’s just easy to dissociate with them after years of friendship I thought we shared. But now… ugh. I just don’t want to deal with it yet.

You two-faced bitch. Huwag kang umasang magiging civil ako sayo Penelope. Hindi ako kagaya mong plastic.

I chose to do the last. Sa lahat ng kadramahan sa buhay ko.. eto lang ata ang mas madaling harapin.

I opened Anton’s chat and stared at the high ceiling once again to think of my response. Stupid! I should’ve thought of what will I send as a reply before opening his message! Lagi nalang!

“Hey.” I typed in my reply. And as I expected, ilang segundo lang ang tinagal at naseen niya ang nireply ko.

What’s with you, huh?

“Still up?” Reply niya.

“I saw your facebook stories. You went out? Swimming?” Patype palang ako ng sagot ng mabasa ang kasunod na chat niya.

I just posted a picture of the infinity pool and yung table ng food and drinks namin. Hindi ako nakapagselfie dahil baka makita ni dad na hinubad ko ang rash guard ko. Hindi din ako sumama sa pictures nila kanina kahit na pinipilit ako.

“Yes. I got home before midnight.”

“You were with?”

“My classmates. Birthday ng classmate ko. Year-end party na din ng section namin.”

At naaning nako sa panonood ng message bubble na pawala wala sa screen. Matagal pa bago siya makareply at ibabalik ko na sana sa bedside table ko ang cellphone kung hindi lang iyon nagvibrate.

“Good night, Reina.”

Ahm. Okay.

Para akong inansha na intay ng intay ng reply. Para sa good night.

“Good night.” I replied before I put my phone on a do not disturb status para makatulog na.

It should be a lazy Sunday the next day pero maaga padin akong pinagising dahil magsisimba daw at dadalaw kami ni daddy kay mommy. Dad asked me again about my vacation plans pero sinabi kong dito nalang kami sa Pinas this year. Wala din akong ginagawa kaya I spent the next days staying at home.

Nagaaya ang ibang kaklase at sina Pierce na lumabas para magcoffee or magmovie pero hindi ako sumasama. Ayaw ko ding sumama. Gusto kong sa bahay lang.

“Is something wrong?” Dad asked me one morning dahil siya na ang nananawa na hikayatin akong lumabas ng bahay.

Umiling ako. “I told you I’m fine dad. I’m just… not in the mood to do things. Ayaw mo bang asa bahay lang ako?”

He sighed. “I’m just worried. You are no longer grounded, you see. If you want to go out with your friends.. as long as you tell me then I’m good with it. You should enjoy your vacation, princess.”

Kung ayaw ko daw lumabas, pwede ko daw iinvite ang mga kaklase na manood ng movie sa bahay at magpapaluto nalang siya kay manang but I still refused. Sinasama niya din ako sa company pero hindi din naman ako nagtatagal dahil nabobored lang ako sa opisina niya. I’m just basically watching Netflix all day.

I still haven’t talked to Amiel about that night. Ayoko din siyang ichat. I’ll look desperate. Besides, dad will invite them over, he will also invite his friends pati sina tito Raymond na dito magcelebrate ng Christmas eve sa mansyon. Kung ayaw ko daw lumabas ng bahay, kami nalang daw ang magpapunta ng bisita.

I have a chance to talk to him by then.

“Anthony Louis Rodriguez reacted to your story.” I saw a notification popped up.

I let out a loud sigh. Huling message na niya noong umuwi ako galing birthday ni Marlon. I thought I’ll wake up to his chat the next day but there was none.

Hindi naman nga dapat ako nageexpect. We had an understanding na hindi siya magchachat o tatawag sakin.

Tanging pagheart react lang sa mga inaupload kong stories at pictures ang ginagawa niya sa mga sumusunod na araw. Hindi ko naman dapat mapapansin dahil marami din naman ang nagrereact don pero madalas kasing kapag nagaupload ako sa gabi ay siya ang unang nakakakita. Kahit nga lyrics lang ng kanta na paulit ulit kong pinapakinggan may heart react niya.

Casa Montecarlo has been busy decorating for Christmas the past week. The house helpers are busy preparing for the Christmas eve too. Madalas kong naabutan si manang na nagpapractice ng putahe na lulutuin at pinapatikim niya samin ni daddy. I don’t have any problems with manang Lupe’s cooking but I guess she is overwhelmed ng biglaan lang magdecide si daddy at hindi pa kumuha ng catering. Dad wanted it to be an intimate dinner at first, exclusive for the family and our family friends but he ended up inviting the leadership team of MECS too. Kaya lalong naexcite itong sina manang. Dinig kong ang mga directors ni tito Raymond sa Montecarlo Holdings ay inimbitahan din ni tita Athena.

I wanted to tell dad that it’s too much. Na okay lang kahit kami nalang. I don’t know but I don’t want to deal with a lot of people these days. Gusto kong sa bahay lang.. tahimik. Pero kung ito ang tingin niya na ikaeenjoy ko daw ng vacation from school then I don’t really have to argue about it.

I am wearing a burgundy off-shoulder evening gown that hugged my curves perfectly. I paired it with the new pumps I bought recently. I am thinking of letting my hair down or doing a high ponytail but I think the latter looks better with my dress. I am wearing mom’s accessories but I’ve been staring at my reflection in the mirror for minutes now, at hindi parin ako makuntento sa itsura.

“What seems to be missing?” I told myself. Inisip kong magpalit ng alahas but I usually wear mom’s accessories because they look simple and will always go for any outfit I wear. Hindi din ako sanay ng masyadong pansinin. Tonight though, I look really bare.

I wore a matte wine-colored lipstick thinking it would make a statement but I’m still not contented. Why am I even conscious with the way I look tonight?

“Right! Ugh!” Halos masapo ko ang noo ng marealize kung ano ang kanina ko pa iniisip.

I am not wearing any earrings. Dahil nga hindi naman ako sanay. I immediately went to my drawer and searched for something that would match my outfit.

“Hmmm. Definitely not pearls.” Sabi ko sa sarili ng tinapat sa tenga ang white pearl earrings at pinagmasdan sa salamin kung babagay ba.

“Too loud.” I tried my gold dangle earrings na regalo ni dad nung moving up ko. It looks luxurious, yes, but that’s not what I’m going for tonight. My dress doesn’t even have intricate stitches so I don’t see the need of extravagant earrings.

Nagtry ako ng iba pa pero hindi ko nagustuhan. Some have too much diamonds, some which I didn’t like the overall design, at yung iba talagang di lang bagay sa okasyon.

“I seriously need studs.” Muli akong nagkalkal sa drawer ko. May mga nakabox pa doong alahas na never ko namang nagamit kaya inisa isa ko pang binuksan para suriin.

“Hmm.” I stared at the red box with a rose gold brilliant cut diamond earrings.

I remember this. It’s a gift for my eighteenth birthday.

Tinapat ko ang isa sa tenga at nakitang bagay naman ito sa damit. Sinuot ko sa tenga ko ang isa at natantong tama nga akong bagay iyon. The diamonds are eye-catching but it’s not too much. It complimented my dress making it highlight my skin complexion more. Kasing kinang ng highlighter sa colar bones ko ang hikaw na iyon.

I’m admiring the piece and putting the other pair when I heard a knock on my door. It opened and showed dad, on his gray three-piece suit and a red necktie.

“Ready?” He asked.

“Yeah. How do I look?” I smiled and flashed my dress. Dad walked towards me scanning my outfit.

“Like a fine woman you are becoming.” Dad planted a kiss on my forehead when he stood before me. I immediately closed my eyes.

“Pwede na akong model dad?” Taas kilay kong suhestyon na nagpakibot naman ng kanyang labi.

“Studies muna. Bago ang modeling. Kay?”

“Hmm. Fine.” I twisted my lips. Dad offered his arm at agad akong umangkla doon at sabay na kaming lumabas ng kwarto.

The huge dining hall was field with guests in time. Tita Athena is talking to her middle-aged women friends while tito Raymond is talking to the older men. Agad bumati ang mga directors ni daddy.

“You look stunning, Ria. Dalagang dalaga na.” Bineso ako ni tita Athena na ikinangiti ko naman ng maluwag.

“Sir. Andito na po sina Mr. Del Mundo.” A house help notified us of the arrival of daddy’s best friends.

“You made it. Where’s Marco?” Bati ni daddy kay tito Ronin. Nakipagapir lang ito at umiling.

“He can’t make it tonight. But we brought his gifts.” His wife smiled apologetically. Nakipagbeso din siya sakin pagtapos ng pagbati.

“You guys missed my debut.” I pouted. Ang anak lang nilang si Marco at si tito Ivan ang nakaattend ng eighteenth birthday ko.

“I know. I’m so sorry hija. I got caught up with my commitments abroad. Don’t worry, I bought you dresses from Italy. You’ll like it.” Tita Dalia smiled sweetly and held my hand. I glanced at tito Ronin beside her who is sporting his usual grin.

“Come on don’t be upset. I’m sorry. Kakauwi lang din namin ng tita mo. Belated happy birthday, Ria.”

“You should be bribing me with gifts at this point tito.” I crossed my arms and cocked a brow na siyang kinahalakhak niya at ng kanyang asawa. Mahina naman akong sinaway ni daddy.

“Why yes. Yes of course. Nasa sasakyan. Pinapasok ko na dito.” Sabay sabay kaming napalingon sa sunod na pumasok ng dining hall.

Dad greeted tito Ivan with a bro-fist. Tumango naman sakanya si tito Ronin. “Just you?” Ani dad.

Tito Ivan’s lips pursed before nodding. “Salamat sa pagimbita. Wala si Jansen. Alam mo namang hindi mahilig sa mga ganito iyon.” Dad nodded while tito Ronin chuckled.

“Where’s your wife, Jovan? Surely she likes social gatherings.” Tito Ivan scoffed at his cousin’s remark. Nahuli ko ang pagsiko ni tita Dalia sa asawa nito.

I’ve met tita Amara before but I’m not really close to her unlike tita Dalia. I don’t know. She is cold compared to tita Dalia who is much welcoming and warm.

“Hope we’re not late for the party?” Tita Elisse’s bubbly voice echoed ng natanaw ko silang papasok ng kanyang pamilya.

Tito Amer greeted the older men while tita Elisse came to me and tita Dalia. My eyes immediately darted at Amiel who is standing behind his mother, staring at me intently.

“Si Amiel lang? Nasan ang panganay mo pare?” Si tito Ronin kay tito Amer.

“Good evening tito.” Si Amiel na kinamayan naman ng mga lalaking Del Mundo.

“Naku nasa Barcelona! First project niya abroad. Sayang nga at wala siya dito. But we can do video call later.” Mabilis na sabat ng proud na proud na si tita Elisse. The crowd just smiled and nodded.

“Oh that’s nice. Congratulations.” Si tita Dalia na agad pinasalamatan ni tita Elisse.

“Thank you all for coming. Come, let’s all have a seat.” Anyaya ni daddy sa mga bisita.

We then all seated in our huge dining table that can house our less than twenty guests for tonight. Manang Lupe and the house helpers are occupied serving the dishes and drinks for everyone, while the security we hired from tito Ronin’s agency are attentive and within the perimeters of our mansion.

Si daddy ang nasa kabisera habang ako ang nasa kanan niya. Sa kaliwa si tito Ronin at katabi niya si tita Dalia. Tita Elisse insisted na tabi daw kami ni Amiel kaya siya ang nasa kaliwa ko at ang mga magulang niya ang nasa kabilang gilid niya. Ang ibang bisita ay nasa kabilang banda naman ng lamesa. Si tito Raymond ang nasa kabilang kabisera at sa gilid niya naman ang asawa na kausap ang ibang bisita.

“May boyfriend kana ba Ria?” Kuryosong tanong ni tito Ivan sa may tapat namin na nakatitig samin na katabi ko.

Muntik pa akong masamid. I can almost hear dad scoffing at his best friend’s question.

“My daughter is still very young, Ivan.” Dad in his low voice.

“You must have a lot of suitors now hija. Babaeng babae kana.” Si tita Dalia naman.

Tito Ronin chuckled. “Two years pa hija. Twenty lang ang mom-” Dad is about to interrupt him pero naunahan siya ng narinig kong tumikhim sa hapag.

“May nanliligaw naba sayo.. Ria?” Tita Elisse, who seemed invested to the question. Dinungaw pa ako sa tabi ng anak niya na mariin ang titig ngayon sa akin.

Wow. Nahot seat ng Christmas eve. Nice.

I had to drink water just to help me swallow. “W-Wala pa naman po.. tita. Wala pa po.. sa plano kong magboyfriend.” I smiled nervously while letting the guests hear my answer knowing that daddy is watching me intently.

“Si Amiel panigurado may girlfriend. Gwapings itong anak mo pare.” Si tito Ivan kay tito Amer.

“Oh no! My son is very single. You know, focus lang din sa acads and his sports.” Si tita Elisse na agad kinontra ang komento para sa anak.

Psh.

“Varsity?” Si tito Ronin.

“Basketball tito.” Tango naman ng katabi ko.

The night went on with different conversations pertaining to business, and our studies and plans for college. The invited shareholders made a toast for dad for making this dinner successful. Nang mas lumalim ang gabi, may isang naghikayat na magcountdown daw mamaya para na din sa bigayan ng regalo na siyang kinasang ayunan ng lahat.

The older men are still engaged to business talks while the older women are into fashion trends and charity works. Tita Elisse also asked about the details of tita Dalia’s trip to Italy.

I needed to excuse myself for a bathroom break. Hindi na ako umakyat pa ng kwarto. I went to check my face but I still don’t need to touch up. After relieving myself, naghugas nako ng kamay at lumabas na ng banyo.. kung saan nakita ko si Amiel na naghihintay.

Muntik pa akong manigas sa kinatatayuan but I was able to compose myself. I cleared my throat “M-Magccr ka?”

Mapungay ang mga mata niyang nakatitig sakin. Hindi siya sumagot at nanatiling nakatitig kaya inisip ko nalang na bumalik nalang pero hinuli niya ang braso ko.

“You.. are cold to me. Was it because.. of that night?”

Huh? Pinagsasabi nito.

Binawi ko ang braso sakanya. “I’m not. I don’t know if you realize this but we rarely talk to each other, Amiel.” I started walking away but I can feel him following me.

“I asked you something earlier but you didn’t respond. You were clearly ignoring me.”

I bit my lip in annoyance before I turned to face him. He stopped walking.

“So what if I am? We’re civil. We don’t really have to talk, yes? I believe that’s been our setup for years!”

“Then at least have some decency to respond. Para akong nagsasalita sa-”

Mabilis na bumaling ang mukha niya sa gilid sa lakas ng sampal ko. Nang muli niya akong tignan ay nagaalab na ang galit sa mata niya.

“How dare you ask that of me! After what you did! You pervert!”

He laughed without humor “So I did offend you because of that kiss-”

“Duh? Who gave you permission to kiss me you fucking idiot! You were-”

“Hah! Would you rather have that stupid nerd kiss you then?”

I almost stumbled when he stepped forward and closed our distance.

“Huh? Would you-”

“Bingi kaba? I turned him down! I told him I needed to leave just so I can refuse his God damn kiss! Eh ikaw? Why did you kiss me, huh? Pinagtitripan moko?”

I advanced to equal his dominance but he just kept his stance. This jerk has the audacity to even ask me why I was ignoring him.

Wala nga akong panahon sa drama diba? Ni hindi ko nga ininvite dito sina Pierce ngayong gabi! Ayaw kong makita ang hayop niyang pinsan!

He’s breathing heavily. Animo hinihingal na nakatungo sakin.

“I just.. I don’t know why-”

“I’m a transwoman. I thought you don’t date trans? That you would only fuck real women? Then why.. the fuck.. are you.. toying with me?” I asked with greeted teeth. Kita ko ang gulat sa reaksyon niya. Will you deny it? Sinabi mo noon sa classroom yan. You even despise the gays cheering you in the basketball court. Your fucking homophobic!

“I.. I-”

“You have the guts to show up like this in front of me after you screwed my friend. Ang kapal ng mukha mo. Ako ba ang sunod? I doubt that.” Mahinang angil ko sakanya na lalong nagpalaki ng kanyang mga mata.

“What did you say-”

“Oh cut me the bullshit, Amiel! I saw you! That night in the bar. How you kissed Penelope.. took her to your car… and-”

“Fuck!” He growled like a mad beast. Andito nga pala kami sa bahay! Kita ko ang pagbaling ng ilang kasambahay. May isa pang nagtangkang lumapit. Fuck!

“Ma’am Ria-”

“If hanapin ako ni daddy. Tell him na nasa kwarto lang ako. Iyon lang ang sasabihin mo. Do. You. Understand?” The poor house help coward before me at takot na takot na tumango. I then walked away… fast.. mabilis akong umakyat sa grand staircase kahit may iilang matandang bisita na tinawag ang pangalan ko.

“Fuck you!” I shouted when I closed the door to my room.

Lalo lang ginulo ng gago ang isip ko! You were bothered? Na hindi kita kinakausap? Really? Fuck that!

What makes me even more mad is because I feel like talo talaga ako sa sitwasyong to. One of my best friends turned out to be a two-faced snake. Who fucked the guy I like.. and now that fucking guy is now playing with my feelings. Imbis na kiligin.. lalo lang akong namumuhi.

I groaned. Halos kalmutin ko ang bumbunan sa inis kung hindi lang masisira ang buhok ko.

Life is unfair. At least to me. So why the fuck should I give a damn about shit?

I’m thinking of moving for college. Ayoko dito. Ayoko na silang makita. I want a fresh start after graduation.

In the middle of my vexation, my phone beeped.

“Ugh! Isa kapa.” I exhaled loudly when I read Anton’s name on my message notifications.

“Good evening, Reina. Can I please call?”

“I just want to greet you properly.”

Marahas akong napasinghap. Lahat nalang kayo ginugulo ang tahimik kong buhay.

“Sure.” I replied. No need to fret about what this means. Pasko naman. Babati lang.

My phone immediately rang for a video call na agad ko din namang sinagot. Kita ang pader ng kwarto niya sa background. He is on his dress shirt. Did he just got home? Or is he going outside?

“Hello, Reina.” Something in his voice made my breathing hitched.

“H-Hi.”

Maingay siyang tumikhim. “I’m sorry.. I called you. I just.. want to greet you.. a Merry Christmas.” He seemed troubled speaking and staring at some part of the screen. Is there something on my face?

“It’s okay.. Merry Christmas too.”

His eyes lit up. “I heard nandiyan daw sina mama sainyo? I told her.. to bring my gifts. I hope you like it.”

Hilaw akong napangisi. Si daddy lang ang nabilhan ko ng regalo. “Thanks uhh… wala akong.. regalo sayo..”

He smiled and his pearly white teeth flashed on the screen. “It’s alright. Your greeting is enough for me.”

I inhaled a good amount of air just so I would keep my cool. Kahit na unti unti kong nararamdaman ang kakaibang pagkabog ng dibdib ko.

“I know you told me that I should not bother messaging you, or calling you for nothing. And I tried but, I just.. if.. if I can..”

“Check.. on me?” I almost whispered. Hindi ko mapigilang ituloy ang tingin ko eh gusto niyang sabihin.

I saw how he wet his lips with his tongue as he stared at his screen. Halos magmuffled ang speaker ng marinig ko ang buntong hininga niya. “I’m sorry. I..”

“You really seem interested in my whereabouts, Anton.” Panimula ko sa nakatulalang si Anton.

“You said we will talk… about.. this. I just don’t want to be weirded out. If you want to check on me.. then I need to know what specifically it is do you want to learn from me?”

Abot abot ang kaba sa puso ko. I thought its gonna be a Christmas greeting?

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed for it. I don’t want you to think of anything that this means.. I just want-”

“Well the only meaning I can derive from this is that you are hitting on me.” I said bluntly which made him licked his lips again.

“That’s not what this is, is it?”

I saw his adams apple moved but he remained quiet.

“You checking on me, like some guys in school who keeps on messaging me.. of their daily greeting.. and asking how my day went. This is not like that. Right?”

If it isn’t, then shouldn’t I be happy? Di na ako mapapraning magbigay ng kahulugan sa bawat mensahe. But that would also mean.. that it’s irrelevant to get those messages from him.

And if it is, then what?

“Anton!” I demanded an answer. Lalo pa at awang lang ang labi niyang pinapanood ako sa video call.

He let out a loud exhale. “No. It’s not.”

My breathing hitched again. And the butterflies in my stomach were halted. I guess I’m expecting a different answer?

“O-Okay-”

“It’s more than that.” Huh?

My jaw almost dropped when I saw his heavy-lidded eyes fixated on me. “I’m not like those boys in your school who dares to hit on you.”

“So the answer to your question is no. I’m not just hitting on you. It’s more than that. I feel more.. for you. So much more to just hit on you.”

What the.. fuck.

Just when I’m about to react, I heard a knock on my door. Shit!

“I have to go.” Nagmamadali kong pinatay ang tawag at mabilis na humarap sa pabukas na pinto.

“They are about to start the countdown. Tina said you went to your room. Is something wrong, princess? Masama ang pakiramdam mo?” Si dad na agad lumapit para kapain ang noo at leeg ko.

“N-No. Nagayos lang a-ako dad. Pababa nadin p-po ako.”

He sighed then placed both of his hands on my shoulders. “Are you happy?” Dad asked me as he crouched to see my face.

I smiled genuinely “Of course. Thank you for i-inviting people to our home to celebrate with us. M-Merry Christmas, daddy.”

He tried to gauge my reaction yet he smiled and kissed my forehead. “I’m glad that you are happy. Merry Christmas anak.”

I hugged him to reciprocate the love he is giving me. If only mom was here, he didn’t need to exert effort filling the mansion with a huge crowd just for us not to feel lonely celebrating holidays. If only we have a complete family.

“Hmm. What’s your gift for me?” He asked.

“You should wait til it’s time to open Christmas presents.” I tilted my head and he chuckled.

“Alright. Let’s go then.”

We watched the crowd cheered and count in the living room before everyone shouted Merry Christmas in chorus. Tinawag ni dad ang lahat ng tauhan namin sa bahay at binigyan ng may kakapalang ang pao.

Dad also gave envelopes and appliances to the directors. Ganun din sina tito Raymond. Muntik pa nga akong mainggit sa natanggap nung isang director ng Montecarlo Holdings na air fryer.

Sunod sunod na ang bigayan ng regalo at pasasalamat. I somehow felt light and happy after everything that happened earlier. This is why I love feeling the spirit of Christmas. The gift of giving. Kahit na wala naman akong binigay na regalo sa mga bisita. Ako pa nga ang nakakatanggap ng regalo sa nagpapabangong directors kay daddy. At least may binigay sakanila si daddy.

“Oh try calling Anton again. It might push through. Baka may signal na siya ngayon.” I heard tita Athena said to tita Elisse who immediately raised her phone in the air.

“There! Merry Christmas anak!” Si tita Elisse na tinapat pa ang cellphone sa mga babaeng bisita na binati din si Anton sa cellphone.

“How are you hijo?” Si tita Dalia. I can’t hear Anton’s answer clearly. Busy si dad sa pakikipagkamayan sa mga matatandang lalaki kaya simple akong lumapit sa banda nina tita Elisse habang sumisimsim ng juice.

Naputol ang tawag namin kanina dahil dumating si daddy. Hindi ko din siya nagawang replyan pero nabasa ko ang chat niya.

“This is why we should talk about this in person. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, Reina.” Iyon ang chat niya ng binaba ko ang tawag kanina.

Will talking in person makes any difference? Hindi bat parang mas nakakailang yun kung aamin ka sa harap ko?

“Here, greet your father.” Si tita Elisse na tinapat sa asawang nasa likod niya ang cellphone. Amiel is in the corner looking all bored. Nagangat lang siya ng tingin ng makita ako sa malapit.

“Ria! Si kuya Anton mo nasa phone. Anton greet her. We are here at their mansion now.” Si tita Elisse na marahang hinila ang kamay ko at binigay sakin ang phone.

Now this is awkward. Tita Athena and the rest are watching me holding that phone.

“Merry Christmas, Reina.”

I heard his raspy voice on the other line. Ni hindi ko magawang tignan ang screen ng cellphone.

I swallowed hard as I secretly observed the crowd. Am I the one being weird? “M-Merry Christmas.. A-kuya.”

“Amiel. Why are you standing there? Batiin mo ang kuya mo dali.” Mahinang sita ni tita Elisse sa bunsong anak kahit na nakangisi padin ito. Bumuntong hininga naman ang huli at lumapit ng tawagin din siya ni tito Amer.

Now this is a bad idea. He went to me with his palm in the air. Hawak ko nga pala ang cellphone ni tita Elisse.

“H-Here.” Abot ko sabay atras ng kaonti.

“Sup kuya.” Amiel in a bored tone. I heard Anton greeted his brother sa malapitan.

It’s past twelve at parang di pa humuhupa ang energy ng mga tanders lalo na at binibida ng iba ang natanggap na appliances. Mas magara daw sa Christmas party sa company. I wanted to avoid Amie so I went to dad na may hawak na baso ng whiskey katabi ng mga lalaking Del Mundo.

“Her team asked my daughter to be their model, but I refused. She’s too young for that.” Si daddy sa mahinang boses. What is it?

Tumango naman ang dalawa at natuon ang atensyon sakin ni tito Ivan.

“Gusto mo talagang maging modelo hija?” Si tito Ivan kaya nakita ni daddy na palapit ako.

“Ahm.. opo. In the future.” I said while weighing dad’s reaction to the side.

Titi Ronin laughed. “Maagang puputi ang buhok ang ama mo sayo kung ganon Ria.”

Tito Amer and tito Raymond joined their crowd with glasses of hard liquor in their hands. Dad pulled me to his side.

“She’s still young. I want her to study first.”

Magpaalam sana ako para bumalik sa grupo ng mga tita ko ng maramdaman ang pagvibrate ng phone ko sa chat ni Anton.

“I’m coming home. Then we’ll talk.”

Kabanata 13

Magaalas dos na ng madaling araw ng isa isa ng nagsiuwian ang mga bisita namin. Pagkatapos kong ibigay ang regalo at magpaalam kay daddy ay umakyat nako ng kwarto. He’s still up though, drinking in the study.

Nakaupo ako sa edge ng kama at minamasahe ang paa ko habang nagpapatuyo ng buhok. Nakakalat sa sahig ng kwarto ang mga regalo para sakin na hindi ko pa nabubuksan. Ang bigay ni daddy ay nasa dresser ko na.

I groaned in pain before standing up and went to my vanity. Kinuha ko ang stool at naupo sa harap ng kahon kahon na regalo.

Just the usual, people tend to give me expensive gifts. Jewelries, bags, shoes, and designer dresses. Yung mga tanders, they often give me scented candles and fancy bath essentials. Kung minsan, mayroon ding limited edition books na hindi ko naman binabasa.

Hindi ko na inusisa ang ibang regalo matapos magbukas ng tatlo. Binabasa ko nalang ang mga card para malaman kung kanino galing ang mga natanggap. I’m searching though, for a particular Christmas gift.

Sunod kong nakita ang kay Amiel. It’s a bracelet from Pandora. The chain is thin and elegant, mayroon ding heart na rose gold ang kulay. Its simple but it looks classy. Hindi din naman baduy ng sinubukan kong suotin kasama ng love bangle ni mommy. Maybe because of its matching rose gold color.

Hinubad ko ito at binalik sa kahon. I tried searching again for another gift. Kasabay yun ng bag na binigay ni tita Elisse so it should be here.

Ito ba iyon?

I picked up a signature Tiffany blue box, tied with a white satin ribbon. Hindi ko sure kung ito nga dahil halos sa lahat ng regalong nakuha ko, ito lang ang walang card o kahit sulat manlang.

I untied the ribbon and opened the box. Sa loob ay may certificate at isa pang pahabang box.

I opened it and it showed me a gold bar bracelet. May maliit itong heart sa magkabilang dulo na napapalibutan ng diamonds. Ang chain nito ay may mas maliliit na diamonds din.

I stared at the bar and read the engraving. It’s my.. birthdate.

I’m expecting a name or something but its fine. The only problem is, mas mahaba ang bracelet na to kumpara sa nauna kong sinukat. Sinubukan kong iikot sana ng dalawang beses sa pulso ko sakaling ganun ang disensyo pero hindi naman umabot sa lock nito.

“Sayang. Hindi ko size.” Maybe I can return this for resizing?

I stared at the bracelet one more time. If this is from Anton, then he really pays attention to small details about me. I liked that its simple but at the same time symbolic as it has my date of birth.

Anton called me minutes after. He asked me kung nagustuhan ko ba ang regalo niya.

“That’s from Tiffany and co, yes?”

He licked his lips before exhaling. “Yes. Do you.. like it?”

I like it. Pero hindi kasya. Maluwag sakin. Ayoko naman sabihin yun at baka maoff naman siya. I’m used to receiving expensive gifts and I always appreciate them. Kahit minsan nakakatanggap ako ng gamit na meron na ako, kinikeep ko padin iyon sa closet. Itong regalo niya, pwede ko namang ipaayos. Not a big deal.

“Y-Yeah.. it looks… nice on me. T-Thank you.” I stared at my wrist kung nasan ang bracelet na bigay niya katabi ng love bangle ni mommy. Maluwag talaga iyon that’s why I’m conscious all the time kung mahuhulog ba sa kamay ko.

“You’re welcome. I’m happy that you liked my gift.” He lowly chuckled.

I tried to smile on camera. Stupid. Dapat chineck mo ang size! Payat lang ang braso ko. Hay.

“What are your plans later today?”

“Hmm. We’ll go to church. At bibisitahin daw si mommy. Not sure if we will have more guests later today pero nagpahanda si daddy ng candy at bills in twenties para sa mga batang mamamasko. Y-You?”

He smiled. “Magsisimba din. At trabaho.”

“You.. don’t have plans? Going out or shop perhaps?”

Umiling siya. “I’d rather work. Tatapusin ko ang for approval. Para makauwi ako agad.”

Right. About that.

“I’m sorry.. if I confessed over the phone.” He said.

“That.. you like me?” I almost smirk. That’s not new to me, though. Hindi lang ako palaentertain at ayaw nga ni daddy. Not even to the sons of his business partners that were often introduced to me. Hindi ko daw dapat pinapansin ang mga ganung lalaki. Tsk.

He sighed. “I promise.. to talk to you in person. That is.. if you won’t get uncomfortable with me.”

I bit my lower lip as I can feel my cheeks slowly getting flushed with his intense gaze on the screen. Sabay ng pagtitig ko sakanya ang unti unting pagbilis ng kabog ng dibdib ko.

“Is it okay? For me to come home?” He probed.

“Uhh.. ahm..”

“Will you let me see you? To talk.. about how I feel for you-”

“’Kay..” I was so tensed I cut him off. “I mean.. bahala ka.”

I saw his lips parted a bit. “Alright. I’m coming home, Reina. Please wait for me.”

“’Kay…” hindi ko na magawang madugtungan. Nasan na kaya ang tapang ko kanina. Bakit ngayon halos magwala ang buong sistema ko.

I didn’t know that he will have this effect on me. When he started getting curious about my whereabouts, calling and messaging me day and night, I truly find it weird but at the same time, I also found myself getting used to it. Kaya ng natigil, halos maaning ako kakaisip kung ano nga ba talaga iyon.

If we were to talk about his feelings, then what will happen next? Anong irereact ko? Anong isasagot ko sakanya?

“You must be tired. You should sleep now.” Kuha niya sa atensyon ko. Now I’m spacing out. Bat kasi kailangan advance lagi magisip?

“Yeah.” I replied, almost a whisper.

“Goodnight, Reina. Merry Christmas.” He said as his voice became husky.

“G-Goodnight. Merry C-Christmas din.”

I dropped the call and put my phone away. Nasapo ko ang dibdib at nadama ang init at bilis ng kabog noon.

He didn’t directly say it, but I now have the confirmation that he likes me. The answer to all of my questions. The reason why he is like this to me. And he said it’s more than that.

Is he talking about love? I don’t think so.

How about me? I did question how I feel towards him being like this to me recently. And now that we are about to talk it out, my mind is slowly getting filled with scenarios, and wilder thoughts that I once tried to ignore.

Pierce is right. I might be infatuated. Or maybe its the thrill? Of having this secret connection only the two of us knows?

Isang oras pa ata akong dilat hanggang sa nakatulugan ko nadin ang pagiisip. Kaya ang sakit ng ulo ko at antok na antok ng paulit ulit na kinakatok ang pinto ko.

“Wake up, princess. It’s getting late. Magsisimba pa tayo.” I dozed off to sleep again at ng muli akong dumilat, si daddy na ang gumising sakin, nakaayos na at nakaupo sa gilid ng kama ko at sinusuklay ang buhok ko.

I groaned. “What time is it?” Sinubsob ko ang mukha sa unan at muling pumikit. Ansakit ng mata ko. Kulang pa sa tulog. I heard him chuckle.

“It’s almost eight. You seriously need to get up, Reina.”

Halos ipagtulakan ako ni daddy sa banyo para makaligo. I chose a white Sunday dress and paired it with my nude sandals. Magaayos palang ako ng mukha ng muling kumatok si dad.

“Still not done? Tanghali na Reina.”

“Sunscreen! Pababa na dad!” Paskong pasko namang nang ngangarag itong si daddy.

I didn’t hear from him after that kaya mas binilisan ko na ang pagpapahid sa mukha ko. One swipe of liptint on my lips and a couple of sprays of perfume ay nagkukumahog na akong tumakbo pababa ng hagdan. Malayo pa sa dining ay tanaw ko na si manang Lupe na kausap si daddy.

“Akyatin ko nalang ulit sir-”

“I’m here! Merry Christmas everyone!” I cheered at mabilis na humalik sa pisngi ni dad at umupo sa kanan niya. Dad gave me a stern look.

“Malapit kanang magcollege. Hindi pwedeng lagi kang tinatanghali ng gising.” At eto na ang unang sermon niya for Christmas.

“I am. Wala lang pasok kaya napasarap ang tulog ko. Not to mention that we had people in the house past midnight!” I snorted. Hinighlight ko pa ang nangyari kagabi ng marealize niyang anong oras na kaming natulog.

“Even so. Kung hindi ka ginigising ni manang, hindi ka naman bumabangon ng maaga. You should be responsible now and learn how to value time, Reina. You need to learn how to wake up early. Mahihirapan ka kapag nagcollege kana.”

“Matagal pa yun dad.” Sabay kagat sa ham. “I’ll be fine for sure.”

I can feel him staring at me but he remained silent. Let’s eat nalang kasi!

May misa padin naman kaming inabutan. Nagtagal pa kami dahil sa pasasalamat ni father sa offering ni dad. Dumiretso kami kay mommy pagkatapos. Nakadaan na din dito sina tita Athena kaya may kandila at bulaklak na. I heard they are now in lolo and lola’s mausoleum back in San Vicente. Mas malayo kasi dito kay mommy.

“Merry Christmas, mommy! Merry Christmas lola! Namamasko po!” I joked. Trying to make the mood in the quiet mausoleum lighter for both dad and I. We miss you big time, mommy! Even if we celebrate, we still have a heavy heart because we you are not here with us, especially dad of all people.

We brought food pero ipapamigay din naman iyon sa mga batang nangunguha ng kandila sa sementeryo. Busy ako sa pagtirik ng kandila habang nagsquat naman si daddy sa harap ng puntod ni mommy para ilagay ang bulaklak.

“I’m sorry we’re late. Your daughter overslept. Merry Christmas, darling. Merry Christmas din ho mama.”

We stayed for an hour bago kami tumulak pabalik ng San Vicente, para naman dumalaw kayna lolo at lola.

My grandparents were buried in the public cemetery here in San Vicente, kasama din ng lolo at lola ko sa tuhod. Ewan ko bakit hindi padin pinapagalaw ni daddy ang kay mommy. It would be convenient kung ilipat niya nalang sila ni lola dito para mas malapit sa amin.

“Let’s have lunch together.” Si tita Athena. Paalis na sila pero hinintay nalang nila kami ni dad at sumabay samin palabas.

We had our lunch in Angel Haven. Nagpahanda si daddy para sa mga katiwala at sa mga bata ng ampunan. We were eating in a large round table at ang pahabang mesa naman ay para sa mga bata. Napagusapan na din ang plano ng pamilya for the new year’s eve. Balak sana nilang sa amin pero inisip din ni dad na pwede din namang dito nalang.

“Kumain kapa RJ.” Si tita Athena sa pinsan kong nagmamadali na umalis.

“I’m full. I’m going now. Merry Christmas po.” Paalam niya sa hapag at umalis na.

We watched the kids indulge in different set of games. May agaw bitin at pukpok palayok pa. All of them received gifts kahit ang mga katiwala.

“Maraming maraming salamat sa pamilya ninyo sir Rico at hindi natatapos ang pagtulong niyo dito sa amin. Tuwang tuwa ang mga bata.” Si nanay Tess, ang punong tagapamahala.

They are enjoying the celebration while I’m slowly getting bored. Hindi naman kasi ako close sa mga bata. At ilag din sakin ang mga nandito. They shouldn’t be intimidated though, hindi naman ako nangangain. Duh.

Para malibang ay umikot nalang ako sa may pasilyo. Sinisilip ang bawat sulok ng ampunan.

“Andito ka pala. Bakit hindi ka nakikisaya sakanila Ria?” Si nanay Rosa.

“Ahm.. nagiikot lang po. Bihira din kasing makadaan.” That’s true. I rarely visit the orphanage.

“Naku sana makabisita ka ng madalas para makalaro mo ang mga bata. Mababait ang mga iyon kahit medyo makukulit.” Mahinang hagikgik nito. I just smiled back and stared at the corridor. Matt is standing a bit far from us. I should head back.

“Gusto mo bang makita kung saan natutulog ang mommy mo noon?” Habol niya sa akin kaya napalingon ako.

“Po?”

Malungkot itong ngumiti. “Baka lang gusto mong makita. Alam mo naman dito lumaki ang mommy mo hindi ba?”

Natigilan ako at hindi nakasagot. Bumuntong hininga ito at napatingin din sa tinitignan ko kanina. “Sa pasilyong iyan ang daan. Kung gusto mo lang.. pwede mong makita.”

Hilaw itong ngumisi at humingi ng paumanhin. Inalok niya akong ihatid na pero gusto kong makita ang naging kwarto ni mommy.

We walked passed different rooms, sabi niya ay ang mga bata ang natutulog doon. Bago kami tumigil sa ikatlong pinto.

“Si Tess mismo ang may gusto na huwag na itong ipagamit. Na palitan nalang ang kobre kama at maglinis para maalagaan padin. Alaala nadin ng mommy mo. Tutal naman narenovate ulit kamakailan ang ampunan, mas madami na kaming kwarto ngayon.”

Binuksan niya ang kwarto at tumambad sakin ang tatlong kama na may tigiisang cabinet na gawa sa kahoy sa may kabilang dulo nito.

“Dito ang kama ni Rein. Dito siya lumaki. Si sister Flora ang dating namamahala ng ampunan at siya din ang tumayong ina niya ng napadpad siya dito sa atin. Naku napakabait na bata noon. At kahit nagkolehiyo na, ay di nakakalimot na dumalaw at tumulong sa amin.”

My lips went dry as I crouched to touch the white sheets of the first single bed. It’s not dirty. Even if no one is sleeping here, its well taken care of.“

Huminga ako ng malalim at umupo sa maliit na kama. I heard her sighed behind me.

“Pasensya na. Hindi ko gustong buksan ang matagal ng sugat sainyo. Naisip ko lang.. uhh.. halika na? Baka hinahanap kana ng daddy mo-”

“It’s okay.. I’ll stay… here for a while.” Hinihimas ang puting kobre kama. Muli siyang bumuntong hininga.

“O-Osige. Maiwan na kita kung ganon.. magsabi ka anak kung anong kailangan mo ha? May naglilinis ngayon diyan sa katapat na kwarto.” Sabi nito at nadinig ko siyang lumakad palabas.

Unti unting uminit ang gilid ng mata ko. It must have been hard for mom, to be abandoned at such a young age. And I will always admire how pure her heart was, na kahit magkagayon, ay nanatili siyang mabait at matulungin sa kapwa.

We almost have the same situation. I grew up without a complete family, only that I may have a different upbringing. Ako nakukuha ko kung ano ang kahit anong gustuhin ko. Mom on the other hand, had to work harf for her to earn what she wanted not for herself, but for the people living here. She was indeed selfless.

“I was looking for you.” I heard dad’s baritone voice behind me. Nakita ko siyang nakasandig sa hamba ng pintuan.

I bit my lip and wiped the sides of my eyes. I turned to him again with a smile. Mabagal siyang lumakad papasok ng kwarto at nagsquat sa harap ko.

“This.. this is where.. mom stayed. This was her room.” Kwento ko kahit paniguradong alam niya naman iyon.

He heaved a deep sigh “Yes. Before she moved out and stayed to her small apartment near her university.”

Nilingon ko si dad na namumungay ang mga matang nakatingin sakin. “If you wanted to see where she lived when she was still studying, we can pay a visit one day.”

“Pano kung.. hindi pumayag ang bagong nakatira doon?”

“I bought that apartment building years ago. It’s ours. Pinaparentahan padin hanggang ngayon pero hindi ang kwarto ng mommy mo.”

Malungkot man kanina ay napalitan ng excited dahil sa aking narinig. I then thought of living alone, to be independent like mom.

“Magdorm kaya ako sa college dad? I can stay with mommy’s room since malapit iyon sa SVU.”

His brows automatically furrowed. “No.”

Tss. I rolled my eyes. “You just told me earlier to be responsible. If I get to live alone, I can be independent and learn to stand on my own.” I suggested.

“You have a car and a driver, you can certainly make it to school at seven in the morning kung gigising ka lang ng maaga Reina. You don’t need to move out of our house.”

Hindi na ako nakipagtalo pa. “We can discuss this again months from now. I just want you to know that I’m open to living alone. Just like mommy.”

Igting ang panga nitong umiling kaya natawa ako. Hapon na ng makauwi kami ng bahay. Kinagabihan, Anton called me.. to “check” on me and asked how my day went.

Ilang araw ang lumipas na ganun ulit ang setup namin. We somehow had an unsaid understanding about how we should treat each other. Minsan naiisip ko kung nagtatrabaho ba ito at mayat maya ang chat sakin.

I’m trying to act normal and get comfortable but I knew that something has changed. Hindi lang dahil consistent siyang inaalam ang araw ko at kinakausap ko tuwing free time daw niya, but because I know he likes me.. and I’m entertaining him.

Twenty-eighth ng makauwi siya ng Pinas. I didn’t know until he told me before boarding the plane. Ni hindi din alam nina tita Elisse na uuwi siya! Pasado alas onse na ng gabi ng makadating siya ng San Vicente at gusto niya pa na dumaan sa bahay pero tumanggi ako.

“You can’t see me! Our gates are closed. Dad will know if I go out this late at night!” Stressed, diko maiwasang tumaas ang boses sa tawag dahil nasa labas na daw siya ng bahay namin. Hindi ba to pagod? Antagal ng biyahe niya!

“I know. I know. I’m sorry. I’ll just see you tomorrow.”

“Yes. Yes, now go home! Baka makita ka!” Taranta kong pagtataboy. My God, Anton!

He chuckled. “Don’t worry. I parked few meters away from your gates. No one will see me here. Though I was hoping to see you.”

Tignan mo ito! Kahit na! We have tight security. You might get noticed by the guards roaming around the premises!

“Go home, Anton. I’ll see you tomorrow.” May diin kong sabi. Ang kulit!

“Yes, baby. I’m going home. Good night.”

And with that, my heart beats so fast it would burst out of my chest. Nanunuyo ang lalamunan ko at ramdam ko ang paginit ng mukha ko.

“Night!” Mabilis kong pinatay ang tawag.

Still high with what I heard him called me, tulala akong nahiga sa kama. Trenta minutos ang tinagal ng magbeep ang phone ko sa chat niyang nasa condo niya na daw siya.

I ignored his message and remained staring at the high ceiling. Kung sasagot pa ako, baka humirit pa ng isang tawag iyan. Eh ramdam kong pulang pula ang mukha ko hanggang ngayon!

Dahil maaga si dad sa company ay hindi na ako ginising kinabukasan. Mabuti nalang dahil puyat na puyat ako. May party pa mamaya.

Year-end party ng MHI kagabi at mamaya ay sa MECS naman. Dahil dadalo ako sa party, doon ko siya makikita.

“Good Morning! I’m reporting to the office today. I’ll see you later.” Ngayon ko lang napansin ang chat niya kanina pagkatapos kong maligo.

I wonder what will happen. Does dad know? Pagagalitan kaya siya? Definitely! He went home without notice nor permission! He should’ve stayed in Spain!

Gosh. Hindi ba parang padalos dalos naman kami sa ganito? I should have told him na okay lang magvideocall nalang kami. No need for him to come home and talk in person. Stupid!

Tinanong ko siya kung anong nangyari after ng meeting niya pero di niya naman ako sinasagot. Inusisa ko din kung paano siyang nakauwi. Kung ano ang sinabi niya sa client pero nililihis niya ang topic.

Para tuloy akong bangag na isip ng isip kaya pagdating ng gabi, kinailangan kong magbabad sa bathtub para lang marelax ang buong katawan ko!

I spent two hours preparing for the year-end party of MECS. Hindi na daw uuwi si dad at doon na magpapalit but he is expecting me to come. It’s our company’s party anyway.

I have dresses prepared and makeup artist on standby kagaya ng paghahanda ko kagabi. Dahil tuliro ako para mamaya, I just let the stylist chose my dress for the party.

Sa study na ako nagayos para di na hassle sa glam team na iakyat baba ang gamit. I am wearing a champagne-colored one shoulder fishbone long gown and a gold ankle strap heels. I want my makeup to be light and my hair done in a french braid.

I kept my usual accessories. Sinuggest ng stylist na mag gold tassel earrings ako pero I wanted to keep my stud earrings. Mas simple at bagay naman sa buhok ko.

I realized na hindi ko na pala to nahubad simula nung Christmas party sa bahay. Hanggang ngayon ay suot ko padin.

“Oks na tayo ma’am Ria. Eto ang lipstick mo tonight ha. Dalin mo pang retouch.” Ani ng makeup artist ko at inabot sakin ang Dior lipstick na pinili niya sa mga makeup collection ko.

“Ang perfect ng gown sa fair skin mo ma’am Ria! Ang glowing!” Papuri ng baklang stylist.

Saktong kakatapos ko lang ayusan ng tumawag si daddy. “Where are you, Reina?”

“Kakatapos ko lang magayos. I’ll be there.”

“Jesus.” I heard him muttered on the other line. “Please hurry up, princess. The party just started. It’s for our-”

“Employees, yes, and we are grateful for them, yes! On the way na dad pabyahe na oh!” Sabi ko habang kumakaway sa mga baklang nagayos sakin. I gave them a flying kiss and mouthed thanks bago lumabas ng study at nagkukumahog papuntang sasakyan. Matt is already waiting for me with the backseat door of the car open.

“Where are you?” I read Anton’s message. Mabilis akong nagtipa at sinabing on the way na.

One floor is occupied and set up to be the venue for the company party. Sunod sunod ang bati sakin ng mga employees na hindi ko na magawang suklian. Agad akong tumungo sa bandang gitna kung nasaan si dad kausap ang mga shareholders.

Mabilis kong nakuha ang atensyon niya at agad siyang sumeryoso kaya malaking ngiti ang ginawad ko. Umabot ako ah!

“I’m here.” He crouched so I can give him a kiss on the cheek bago muling nagpatuloy sa pakikipagusap sa mga tanders.

“Ang ganda ganda ng unica hija mo Mr. President. Dalagang dalaga na.” The compliments from the old men started pouring at ngumiti lang ako sakanila bilang pasasalamat.

I then surveyed the room as I am looking for Anton. Sabi niya ay nandito daw siya.

Bahagya akong dumistansya at pinasadahan ng tingin ang buong floor habang nakaalalay sa pulso ko. Bwisit na bracelet. Ipakain ko kaya sayo to Anton? Deserve!

I felt my phone vibrated kaya mabilis kong dinungaw iyon.

“What are you looking for?” Chat niya. Nangaasar kaba?

“Where are you?” I replied na agad niyang naseen.

Gigil pa sana akong magtatype pero naunahan niya ako ng kasunod niyang chat.

“I’m right here. Behind you.” I stared at my phone for a second bago lumingon sa likod. There, I saw him in his usual white dress shirt and a black suit, talking to another man while his eyes immediately pierced through mine.

Mabilis akong dumistansya at tumingin sa gawi ni dad. Thank God he is busy talking to the older businessmen.

Before I stood there like a fool watching him in awe, I cleared my throat at muling nagtipa sa cellphone. “If you want to talk, then let’s talk outside.”

Abot abot ang kaba ko. Thinking that dad is in the same room with us and might see us together is making me crazy. Palaassume pa naman iyan! Mamaya anong isipin!

I grabbed a glass of champagne sa nakasalubong na waiter at mabilis na tinungga iyon. Halos mapapikit pako sa lasa. Inabot ko ang basong walang laman sa kasunod na waiter. Mabilis akong lumakad palabas ng hindi lumilingon. I messaged Anton to meet me at the parking lot.

Nakasunod lang sakin si Matt at hindi nagsasalita. Kakalabas ko lang ng double door ng magring ang phone ko. Shit!

“Dad-”

“Where are you?”

“Ahm.. bibili lang ng drink-”

“Are you serious? There’s food and drinks here. We are at a party, child!” I’m swear his voice already thundered if he is not in front of those older men!

“Starbucks! Bet kong magfrappe dad-”

“We have coffee in the office. You should have asked! We hosted a party, Reina, and I need you here. You’re already late at ngayon lalabas kapa? Who are you with?” Dinig na dinig ang pagtitimpi sa boses ni daddy.

“Matt is with me. I’ll be back if you just give me a minute! It’s not like I am needed there. Saglit lang ako dad promise bye!”

“Of course you are needed here! What will I do with y-” mabilis kong pinatay ang tawag at sumakay ng elevator.

Hindi pa kami nakakababa ay nadinig kong nagsalita sa tabi ko si Matt. Mabilis akong napairap. Kita ko sa peripheral ko na nilingon niya ako.

“Yes sir. Nasa elevator na po.”

‘Sabihin mo bibili lang ako!’ I turned to him and mouthed. Mukhang mabilis niya namang nakuha.

“Sasamahan ko pong bumili si ma’am-.. opo.. yes sir.”

I sighed. “Babalik kami agad sir. Pagkatapos ni ma’am Ria.”

Tumunog na ang elevator kasabay ng pagputol ng tawag nila. Mabilis akong lumabas ng elevator at dumiretso ng parking malapit sa sasakyan ko.

“Ma’am aalis po ba tayo? May Starbucks po sa baba-”

“No. I’ll talk to someone. We’ll wait here.”

“Pero ma’am alam kasi ni sir na-”

“Then I’ll tell him ubos ko na ang frappe ko. Any more questions, Matthew?” I fired without looking at him. Natahimik naman ang damuho.

I waited inside my car. Hindi ko alam kung paano kami magkikita dito ni Anton. I don’t even know it he parked here! Baka nasa basement siya!

Habang naghihintay ay hindi ako mapakali. Panay ang kagat ko sa labi ko at parang umiikot ang sikmura ko sa pinaghalong kaba at excitement.

Tumunog ang phone ko sa mensahe niyang nasa parking na siya sa second floor. Maingay akong bumuntong hininga at lumabas ng sasakyan. Matt waited in front of the bumper. Mukhang pagpapawisan pako. Ang hulas! This can’t be!

I already saw him coming out of the elevator. Halos mapahinto ako sa paglalakad ng magtama ang tingin namin.

He walked precisely, with hands in his pocket, without tearing off his intense gaze at me. My knees almost turned to jelly. Why am I so nervous?

I must say, he look dashing in his suit, with his dress shirt with loose upper buttons, in his brush up hair and clean-shaved face.

Gwapo si Anton.

Napasinghap ako at umayos ng tayo ng isang metro nalang ang layo namin.

I saw him scanned my outfit kaya bigla akong naconscious sa itsura ko. I unconsciously held my wrist with his loose bracelet.

His eyes went back up to meet mine, he licked his lips and did two more steps forward to slowly close our distance. I tried to breathe slowly to stop my chest from rising aggressively.

“Hello, baby.”

Kabanata 14

I swallowed hard and cleared my throat. “H-Hi.”

Seconds have passed before he titled his head and started twisting his lips but I can still see the ghost of smile on it. I sighed.

“So… where should we talk?” Mahinang panimula ko.

“In my car? Is it okay?” He asked in a very low voice. Bahagya kong nilihis ang katawan para makita si Matt na tahimik na nakatayo sa may tabi ng sasakyan ko at nakatanaw sa kawalan. Animo kasalanan na tumitig siya sa amin. Napabuntong hininga ako at muling nilingon si Anton.

“Where’s your car?” I asked in a very feminine voice. I’m just asking where he parked his car! Sobrang conscious ko ba na halos maipit ko na ang boses ko?!

He pointed at the left corner of the parking lot. Isang liko at andun nga ang itim na Montero niya. He’s about to open the passenger seat when we heard Matt called him. Sabay kaming lumingon.

“Hindi kami pwedeng magtagal engineer. Hahanapin ni sir Rico si m-”

“Yes. This will be quick, Matt. Thank you.” Ani Anton bago binuksan ang passenger seat at tumitig sakin.

I sighed before getting inside his car. I immediately inhaled his now distinct and familiar manly scent.

I inhaled a lot of air na animo kakapusin ako sa hininga dahil sa paguusap namin. Mabilis siyang nakaikot at pumasok ng driver’s seat. Agad nagtama ang tingin namin.

I heard him cleared his throat. “How are you?”

“I’m.. okay. You?” Saglit akong sumulyap sakanya na nakapaling ang katawan paharap sakin. Muli akong tumuwid ng tingin.

“Fine. Very fine.” Sagot niya sa mababang boses.

Silenced filled his car afterwards. Nice. Talk.

Biting my lower lip, I played with my fingers. Ano ng paguusapan?

His left hand is on the steering wheel while his right is resting on my headrest. I can feel him staring at me intently but I focused on my fingers and a bit sweaty palms.

Dinig ko ang singhap niya. “I see you grew fond of my gifts.”

Akmang lilingunin ko siya ng maestatwa ako sa kinauupuan.. ng maramdaman ang mainit niyang daliring humaplos sa tenga ko.

“Do you like it?” He whispered enough for the both of us to hear.

I blinked a couple of times to process his question and come up with an answer. Sasabihin ko ba? Na mali ang regalo niya?

“When did you start wearing it?” He threw a follow-up while still playing with my earlobe. Wait..

Pinaling ko ang mukha paharap sakanya at sinalubong ako ng namumungay niyang mga mata, ang labi’y namumula sa kakadila.

“You mean.. your Christmas gift?”

His lips pursed.. and stared at my left ear.. hindi inaalis ang malamyos na pagkakahawak doon.

“No. The one I gave you on your eighteenth birthday.”

I fear I might have a hunch of what he is talking about. Is he talking about my earrings? He is obsessing with my earlobe right now and if I can still recall, wala ding pangalan kung kanino galing ang Cartier na to!

“It’s.. yours?” My lips parted in shock. Bahagya ding nanlaki ang mata ko kahit kunot ang kilay. So kaya hindi ko mahanap ang regalo niya nung birthday ko. This is.. the earrings.. are his?

He chuckled. Naikom ko agad ang labi because I find his laugh seductive. “It’s yours, Reina. Pambabae ang hikaw na iyan.”

I can forgive him now kung pipilosopohin niya ako but.. I’m so rude! I didn’t know! Akala ko pa kung sinong obsessed secret admirer ang nagbigay! The fuck!

Unti unting lumamlam ang titig niya. “You.. didn’t know it was from me?”

“I uhh..” kinailangan kong tumikhim. “I.. yes.” I sighed in defeat. I’m sorry.

He inhaled audibly at bahagyang binaba ang kamay na nakahawak sa tenga ko. “I.. understand. I didn’t mention that that gift is from me anyway.”

Muntik pa akong mapapadyak sa inis. Nakakahiya. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know but.. thank you. I like it. Thank you.” Mabilis kong paliwanag. Mahina lang siyang tumango bilang sagot.

“I.. uhm.. I started wearing it on Christmas eve.. I didn’t like it at first.. but you’re right. I like it.. now.”

He gave me a quick smile. Lalo tuloy akong naawkward. Stupid! Sana kasi nilagay ang pangalan! Parang kasalanan ko pa tuloy. Hindi ako manghuhula Anthony.

“It’s alright. It’s my fault. I would understand if you wouldn’t recognize it was from me.” Buti naman!

“Even your Christmas gift doesn’t have a name of who it’s from.” I unknowingly blurted out. Mabilis akong lumingon sakanya at kita kong kunot ang noo niyang nakatitig sa lap ko.

“This.. is wrong.” I looked at what he is probably staring at and I saw the loose bracelet on my wrist. Yeah, idiot! Maluwag nga!

“Yes. You got me the wrong size. Hindi kasya-”

“Because that’s not how you suppose to wear it, baby.” He noted in his now husky voice.

About to mind his endearment, napasinghap ako at halos mapigil ang paghinga ng marahan niyang hilahin ang kanang braso ko. Automatikong pumilig ang katawan sakanya pero nanatiling nakayuko sa bracelet.

“It’s for your ankle. Not for your wrist.”

Huh? Saglit akong tumitig don at para bang may umilaw na bumbilya sa ulo ko. It now makes sense! How can you be so stupid, Reina Ariane? Of course, it’s an anklet!

“Ahm..” pahiyang pahiya ako tonight ah. Ikaw dapat ang magcoconfess hindi ba? Magwalk out kaya ako? To save myself from a huge embarrassment? The fuck!

I heard him barked a low laugh. It’s not funny! “But it you want a bracelet, I can give you-”

“No!” Mabilis kong tanggi.

The smile on his lips is now evident and he is not even trying to hide it as if he find me so amusing. Pinilig niya ang ulo niya at tumitig sa paniguradong namumulang mukha ko ngayon. “A-Ayos na.. to.. Huhubarin ko nalang.. mamaya.”

“Alright.” He whispered closely to my ear and I almost shivered!

“I missed you.” Tuluyan akong napapikit ng maramdaman ang paglapit niya para mahalikan ang buhok ko. Hirap akong lumunok ng malamyos niyang inamoy ang buhok sa likod ng tenga ko.

How can you say that? Let’s talk already!

Maingay akong tumikhim. “So.. about.. what you wanted to say.” Trying to get back to the topic. We have strayed far, Anton!

I heard him sigh and I felt his head fell on my shoulder. He buried his face on my neck and murmured. “Nahihiya ako.”

Tangina pala neto eh! Kung makaasta ka ng ganyan.. nahihiya kapa ng lagay na iyan ah?

“Stop playing with me, Anton. Now talk.” I shrugged at narinig ko ang mahina niyang tawa ng inangat niya ang mukha at muling tumitig sakin.. this time he is leaning closer that I can feel his breath on my left cheek.

Hindi ko siya magawang tapunan ng tingin dahil baka magkalapit pa lalo ang mga mukha namin. Maingay siyang bumuntong hininga.

“Yes. I have liked you.. for a very long time now.” He said languidly.

Malikot ang mata ko at di alam kung san tititig. Kung sa mga daliri ko ba… sa bracelet.. o sa material ng gown ko.

Hinuli niya ang kamay kong panay ang pisil sa magkabilang daliri… at malamyos iyong minasahe.

“If you only knew.. how I waited.. I have waited for you.. for this day to come.” He whispered but all the words are clearly registering in my ear.

He waited? For me? Gano katagal ang for a long time na iyan?

“W-Why? Were you… waiting? I don’t-”

“That you don’t have to know. You wouldn’t understand. And I don’t want to confuse you. I just.. want to finally voice out my feelings… I have been keeping to myself.”

Then help me understand! Isn’t that why we are talking about it now?

“Pero-”

“I’m not asking for an answer right now. I want you.. to take your time. I don’t want you to be pressured. I’ll let you decide.. of what you wanted to do with my feelings.”

I licked my lips as I try hard to digest everything I am hearing. Hindi nakakatulong na ambilis bilis ng kabog ng dibdib ko!

I stared at our hands intertwined. He is caressing my palm and I can’t helped but notice our difference. I’m almost paper white while his complexion is dark tan. My skin looks soft and supple.. while his palm feels calloused.. and is hand got veins.. and hair.. up to his forearm.

“We’ll take it slow. We’ll follow your pace, baby. I want you to get to know me.. and my feelings for you. I want you to understand what you will feel towards me, before you decide for us.” He continued. Dinungaw niya ang mukha ko pero nanatilig akong nakayuko sa mga kamay namin.

I am allowing myself to seize the moment ng magvibrate ang phone ko. Ay ang ganda!

“So ahm.. what are we? You’re.. courting-”

Sabay kaming napalingon sa window ko at halos panlisikan ko ng mata si Matt na kumakatok. Agad kong binawi ang kamay ko kahit na paniguradong di niya nakikita dahil tinted ang sasakyan ni Anton.

Anton leaned back and sighed bago binaba ang bintana ko.

“Engineer, pasensya na. Tumawag na po si sir. Hinahanap ma ma’am.”

Yup. I just got a missed call too. Shit!

“I uhh need to go.” Agad kong sabi. Nagcompose ako ng mensahe para kay dad pero muling nagvibrate ang phone ko at rumehistro ang pangalan niya sa tawag.

“Dad. Pabalik na-”

“Don’t make me pick you up, Reina Ariane! Get. Back. Here. Now!”

I shut my eyes. “Yes. Eto na dad.” Mabilis kong pinatay ang tawag. What’s with the foul mood?

Sabay kaming bumaba ni Anton. Matt is standing just a few meters behind me. Anton closed our distance and gently pulled my right forearm. He unlocked the anklet, and went down to his knees. I almost gasped. Ang OA pero bakit ba?

I felt the cold chain on my skin, as he wear that jewelry on my ankle. After locking it, he gently caressed the skin on my ankle.. while I am holding his shoulder for support.. watching him admire his gift on me.

Para diyan nga talaga iyon. It looks.. nice. Ito ang unang anklet ko.

He looked up to me and I drowned in his crystal gaze.. full of yet to know emotions.

Maingat siyang tumayo pagkatapos at yumuko sakin. Ilang saglit pa ay hinubad niya ang coat niya at sinuot sa likod ko. Kinuha ko iyon at hinawakan sa may balikat. I can smell his perfume on me from his coat.

“You’ll get cold. Let’s go. Your father is waiting.”

I am twisting my lips as I am watching my clear reflection on the elevator. I’m so flushed. Namumula pa ang pisngi at collarbones ko. Ako ang nasa gitna at ang nasa kanang likuran ko ay si Anton. Habang si Matt ay nasa kaliwang banda at halos sumandal na sa elevator. He is standing still and eyes straight while Anton is watching my reflection intently, while pursing his lips. I can still see that ghost of smile that he is trying so hard to hide. You better!

Nang makarating sa tamang palapag ay tumigil ako sa harap double door. Hinubad ang nakabalabal na coat at binalik kay Anton.

I didn’t say anything nor did he. I guess he understood what I’m thinking that dad might suspect where did I get that suit from.

Ako ang naunang pumasok at alam kong nakasunod sakin si Matt. Hindi ko lang alam.. kung nakasunod din ba si Anton.

“Where is our table?” I asked the waitress who immediately approached me.

She gave me a hospitable smile. “This way, Miss Ria. Mr. President is waiting for you on your table.”

Giniya ako ng waitress na lumakad sa bandang likod para wala akong maabalang mesa kahit na kita ko naman sa peripheral ko ang mga nababaling leeg na sumusunod sakin.

The program commenced and the MC is thanking all the employees, flashing the pictures of different team and employees in a big projector screen along with their recognitions.

Dad turned to me snappily ng makalapit kami sa presidential table. He is seated along with the shareholders. Hilaw ang ngisi ko na nagpasalamat sa waitress at umupo sa tabi niya.

I secretly glanced at dad as I am waiting for him to reprimand me discreetly pero nangunot ang noo ko ng lagpas sa pwesto ko ang tanaw niya. Igting ang panga niya at matalim ang titig.. sa likuran ko.

I tried to act normal pero sinubukan kong sumulyap kung ano ang tinitignan niya sa may likod namin.. kung saan nakita ko si Anton na kakadating lang at paupo pa lang sa isang bilog na mesa sa likod kasama ang ibang engineers. Nakatingin siya sa mesa namin. Sakin.

The fuck!

I watched dad in my peripheral at ngayon ay sigurado akong ako na ang tinitignan niya. I tried to keep a poker face and watched the MC thanked the employees and gave them an envelope in front.

“Where have you been?” Dad’s low growl.

I swallowed hard. Diretso padin ang tingin. The older men in our table seems oblivious of their chairman lashing his wrath beside me. “S-Starbucks nga p-po. Inubos ko… ang inumin ko-”

“And who did you say you were with?” I can hear him gritting his teeth. Oh no.

“M-Matt.” My voice almost shook in fear I had to clear my throat. Kasabay nun ang pagilaw ng screen ng phone ko sa mesa. Dahil napadungaw ako don ay nagunlock ang facial recognition ko at nahagip ng mata ko ang chat galing kay Anton. Mabilis kong kinuha ang cellphone at nabasa ang chat niya sa notification ko.

“Yes. I’m courting you.”

Mabilis kong nilock ang phone at nilapag sa mesa ng nakatalikod ang screen para di na mabasa pa ang mga susunod na notification at patay malisyang nanood ulit sa MC sa harap.

I swear I can feel my dad staring at me. Did he see the message? Mabilis ang bawat galaw ko at kahit malabo ang brightness, nakasalamin ngayon si daddy. I also noticed him turning his head back in my peripheral. Is he looking.. at Anton’s table?

The party went on. The food was served and there are group dance performances from the employees. Mayroon ding paraffle ng appliances and cash prizes kagaya nung Christmas party.

The higher leadership and shareholders gave short messages commending dad’s great leadership. He later pulled me with him when he was forced to be called on the center stage and was asked to give a short message to all the employees and business partners. I am standing beside him while he thanked all their hardwork and partnership that helped us achieved great success this year. Hilaw ang ngisi ng naiilang na MC habang pinapasalamatan si daddy na busangot naman ang mukhang patango tango lang.

Galit na galit yarn?

The party lasted for two more hours before we called it a night. Pagkauwi ay naligo at nagskincare routine ako habang nagpapatuyo ng buhok.

“Pinagalitan kaba?” Tanong ni Anton nung nagvideocall ulit kami ng makahiga nako.

“Not really. Wala lang siya sa mood kanina.” I am lying in my bed while my legs are crossed. Nagkukuyakoy akong pinagmamasdan ang anklet sa may paa ko.

He sighed. His forearm is resting on his forehead as he lie on his bed too, shirtless. “I’m sorry. I took so much time.”

I bit my lip “It’s.. okay.”

His lips stretched to form a short smile. “Okay. You’re not sleepy yet?”

Umiling ako bilang sagot. “You?”

“I can wait till you’re sleepy. If that’s okay.” I saw his right brow shot up.

“Hmm. Does.. your parents know.. that you’re home?”

“Yes. Nakausap ko na si mama kanina. Pinapauwi ako sa bahay pero dito muna ako sa condo ko.”

“Why?” Curious, I asked. “You’re.. expecting someone.. to come over?” He may not be as promiscuous as Amiel, but I know his older brother’s infamous reputation to women. Beauty queens, to be precise.

Anton wrinkled his nose. “I am the only one staying here, Reina. Wala akong ibang pinapapunta.. at wala din akong hinihintay.”

“Hmm.” Whatever you say.

He let out a heavy sigh. “Kung nagdududa ka, pwede mong tanungin si mama.”

Huh?

“Si mama lang ang babaeng nakapunta sa condo ko.”

“No way!” Why would I do that? Edi nalaman nun na naguusap tayo ng ganito? What would she think is the reason why I will ask about your condo in the first place!

“Ask her, Reina. If you have doubts-”

“Hindi ko itatanong Anton.”

A smirk is now plastered on his face. I can’t help but pout due to both irritation and embarrassment. I can feel blood flowing through my cheeks.

“Alright. Basta walang babaeng pumupunta sa condo ko Reina.”

“’Kay.” I said to dismiss the topic. Sabi mo yan eh. Matulog na kaya ako?

“Mama also mentioned that we are invited to your family’s year-end party.” He opens up another topic.

“Uhuh. Tinatamad na akong umalis kaya gusto kong dito nalang sa bahay.”

“Gusto din ni papa na sa bahay lang. But mama insisted we celebrate in your mansion. The four of us.”

I see. Kahit sina tita Athena dito din magcecelebrate ng new year.

“See you then.” His pearly set of teeth flashed on the screen as he smiled.

My lips curved upwards. “S-See you.”

“I’m thinking of bringing you flowers.” He whispered languidly. What?

“No! Uhm.. n-no need na..” nagiisip kaba Anton? Ano sa tingin mo ang itsura ni daddy kung pupunta ka ng bahay na may dalang bulaklak?

“But I’m courting you. How should I do it then?”

“Just… No flowers.”

“Okay, baby. What do you want?”

I laughed without humor. “Why are you asking me? It’s.. up to you.”

Tanaw ko ang paghila niya ng unan at pagyakap niya non sa ibabaw niya. He covered his mouth with the pillow leaving only his eyes and the bridge of his nose visible on the screen.

“I’ve never done this before. You said you don’t like flowers. I wanted to know.. kung ano ang gusto mo.” Dinig kong sabi kahit may nakatakip na unan.

Great. Oo nga naman. Bakit nga naman siya manliligaw if women are flocking to him for his attention.

“I want to do it right. Para sagutin mo agad ako.” I might not see him smirking because of that stupid pillow but I can see it through his squinting eyes. This brute!

Good thing we are doing a video call, dahil baka marinig niya ang malakas na paghuhuramentado ng puso ko dahil sa mga kaharutang sinasabi niya!

“I’m sleepy. Matutulog na ako.”

He chuckled languidly and it lingers through my ear. “Alright. I’ll hang up now. Goodnight, baby.”

“I’m already eighteen. I’m no longer a baby.” I jested to mock his endearment. To also redeem my confidence dahil para nakong kandilang nauubos dito.

“But you are. You’re my baby.” He tossed the pillow and smiled widely on camera.

“Good night!” Asik ko sabay patay ng tawag.

Antagal kong dilat pagtapos ng tawag dahil hindi ako pinatulog ng mga nagwawala kong paruparo. Bwisit na Anton.

He wanted to snatch a date with me the next day pero sinabi kong sa bahay lang ako. Wala din akong maiisip na dahilan kay daddy at baka di pa ako payagan. Isa pa.. sinuswerte ka naman ata Anthony at ganun ganun lang iyon.

Yes.. my heart might me throbbing wildly at the sensation you are giving me.. my raging hormones is giving me away. But I sure am won’t be easy. Manligaw ka kung gusto mo. But I still need to focus on my studies. Isa pa, ayaw pa ni daddy na magboyfriend ako. Edi naaward ako non? No!

He settled for messages and video calls instead dahil nga ayaw kong lumabas ng bahay. Nakakapagod makipagsocialize at may party pa ulit sa bahay kinabukasan. Sinusulit niya nalang tuloy ang pagrereply ko daw sakanya. Nasita pa ako ni daddy sa hapag dahil diko napigilang mapahagikgik habang nakain.

“Where’s your manners, Reina Ariane? Put your phone away! We are having our dinner!” Dad’s voice thundered.

Mabilis kong nilagay sa bulsa ng short ang cellphone. “I’m sorry, okay.” Sa mahinang boses. My lips instantly pouted to stop myself from laughing at Anton’s bad joke. Nasesermonan pako because of you!

The last day of the year came and Casa Montecarlo is as busy as ever. We have fireworks prepared. The house helpers are busy cleaning the entire manor. We have gardeners trimmed the bushes in the front and backyard. Dumaan ulit kami kay mommy bago sumaglit sa Angel Haven. Dad invited them at home pero tumanggi na si nanay Tess dahil mapupuyatbdaw ang mga bata sa byahe. They will welcome the new year sa orphanage. Of course their celebration is sponsored by our family. Giliw na giliw ang mga bata kay daddy. He doesn’t look like Santa though like what one of the kids mentioned, he look more like the Grinch.. laging kunot ang noo at nakasimangot. Lol!

“Who are you talking to?” Usisa si dad sa sasakyan. Lalong tumalim ang titig niya ng mabilis kong tinago ang cellphone.

“N-Nangangamusta lang sina Pierce. That’s all.”

He heaved a heavy sigh. “You know I’m not allowing you to entertain boys, let alone have a boyfriend-”

“Yes. Yes, dad I know. Need not to remind me. Sa.. groupchat lang po iyon.” I sit up straight and stared at the road while dad is watching me.

“Oh I will always remind you that, princess. You’re still very young. Finish your studies first.”

“Then I can have a boyfriend?” Mabilis kong lingon na pinagsisihan ko din dahil naniningkit ang mata niyang pinapanood ang reaksyon ko.

“Then. I’ll reconsider. If you can have a boyfriend.” Wow! Pano ako mageexplore? Pano ako magkakaexperience?

“So if you are talking to a boy, better drop him now because I will not allow it.” He said it with conviction and finality. Animo’y alam niyang may kinakausap nga ako.

Hah! You’ll never know. Whatever this is, I’ll keep it a secret. It’s my life and my relationship anyway so I should be the one to decide. I smirk evilly as I stare at my window.

Anton asked what I will be wearing tonight. Gusto ni dad ng polkadots dahil swerte daw iyon sabi sa TV. I know he shopped for polo shirts while I will be wearing my red knee-length puffed-sleeve dress na may black polkadots.

Anton’s family will go with plain colors this year. He said he will try to find a shirt with polkadots or he will just match my dress of a shirt with the same color.

The guests started pouring at around ten in the evening. All of them had light dinner at home pero kakain daw ulit dito. Mabilis kong namataan si Anton, wearing a completely different shirt from his family.

I am sitting at a large rectangular table that we set up here in our backyard with the womenfolk while the men are grilling barbecue and setting up the fireworks while drinking.

“Hmp! Ewan ko diyan kay Anton. Sinabi ng magred at iyon nga ang lucky color. Tignan mo at nagitim!” Simangot ni tita Elisse sa anak. I took a quick glance at Anton wearing a black polo shirt with red thin stripes, nagpapaypay siya ng iniihaw na barbecue pero nasa akin ang tingin.

“I want us to wear red too! Naku! Ganyan din ang unico hijo ko. Ayaw pa nga sumama kasi korni daw. Tignan mo at suot padin ang galing sa opisina.” Si tita Athena naman. Late kasing dumating si RJ na nakapulang dress shirt naman at itim na slacks.

“Buti pa kayo Ria. You look beautiful in that dress! Swerte din ang polkadots.” Komento naman ni tita Elisse na kinatango ni tita Athena. Saglit kong nilingon si dad kasama sina tito Amer. Dad is wearing a red polo shirt with white polkadots. Nagpipigil pa ako ng tawa kanina. It’s very rare that I see him wear something laid back and casual. Mga neutral and dull colors lang lagi.

Magaalas onse ng maghain ng pagkain ang mga kasambahay. I excused myself and went to the restroom sa may kitchen. Paglabas ko, nakita ko si Anton na naghihintay sa may granite counter top.

My feet have their own mind and walked towards where he is leaning.

“Why are you here?” Tingala ko sakanya.

“I’m waiting for you. Nakita ko kasing pumasok ka.”

“R-Restroom lang.”

“Uhuh.” He put some strands of my hair at the back of my ear. “You look like heaven sent.” He whispered as he slowly drown me to his dark intense gaze.

“T-Thanks.” Sagot ko sa maliit na boses.

I cleared my throat at lumakad sa may counter top para kumuha ng baso. Bigla ba namang nanuyo ang lalamunan ko.

I poured an ice-cold water from the pitcher while I watched Anton followed me slowly. Hinilig niya ang braso sa magkabilang gilid ko, locking me on the side of the counter top.

Nang makuntento sa tubig ay binaba ko ang baso at humarap sakanya. I can feel my chest rising with his advances.

“I want to date you. Give me my chance.”

Hindi ko masuklian ang mariing titig niya sakin kaya nakatuon lang ang atensyon ko sa dibdib niya at sa bukas na butones ng polo shirt.

“I thought we agreed that you will court me in secret.”

He sighed. “Yes. But I still want to date you.”

“How? You have projects abroad. And I’m busy with school.”

“I’ll always have time for you. My work will not hinder me with spending time with you.” Mahina niyang sabi at tila sumusukong humilig sa may balikat ko. God!

“I’m coming back to Spain. We’ll do LDR for now. It’s hard for me.. but I’ll take my chances.” He whispered on my shoulder.

I laughed mockingly. “LDR huh? If my memory serves me right we are not together yet. Nililigawan mo palang-”

He chuckled. “Yeah. But you are my girlfriend.” Kahit nakahilig sa balikat ko ay pinaling niya ang mukha sakin at dinudungaw ang reaksyon ko. Kinailangan ko pang lumingon sa kabila para hindi magtama ang mga mata namin.

“To me, we are in a relationship. You are my girlfriend. So LDR it is.” Grabe din naman pala ang assumptions ni engineer Rodriguez.

I’m about to laugh at what I heard ng may madinig akong madarag na bumagsak sa counter top. Halos mapatalon akong lumingon doon habang di naman natinag si Anton sa distansya namin.

“Ah! My favorite. Wala nito sa labas ah?” Si RJ, na kumukuha ng slice ng pizza. May tatlong kahon pang naiwan dito sa loob kasama ng ibang pagkain.

Kunot ang noo kong nakatitig sakanya pero kunwari ay di nya kami napapansin at patay malisyang nakatingin sa mga pagkain.

I heard Anton sighed kaya lumingon ako sakanya. Nakahilig padin ang magkabilang braso sa gilid ko at mapungay ang matang nakatingin sakin. “I’ll be home again for your graduation. Please wait for me.” Anton whispered but the deafening silence in the kitchen make it so audible. Even for the unwanted party.

“O-Okay.” Mas mahinang bulong ko.

Sarkastikong tumawa si RJ. “They should bring this outside. Sayang at lalamig lang dito.” He said to himself. Ang demonyong ito!

I bit my lower lip in irritation. I tried to push Anton’s abdomen pero hindi siya natinag at matigas pading nakatayo sa harap ko pero tagos sa likod ko ang titig. Bumuntong hininga siya bago muling bumaba sakin ang mapungay na mga mata. He smiled sweetly.

“We’ll have our date when I get back.”

“Hmm. This juice tastes-”

“Can you fucking leave, RJ?!” Diko mapigilang angil at nilingon ang pinsang nakangisi sa kawalan. Tinaas niya ang dalawang kamay sa ere at umiiling pa.

“Your mouth, Reina.” Dinig kong saway ni Anton.

“Alright. I’m just saying.. tito Rico is looking for you. Don’t make him come inside and find you here.. with.. well.” He shrugged and laughed sarcastically while walking out of the kitchen feasting on a slice of pizza.

Inis akong bumuntong hininga habang sinusundan siya ng tingin palabas.

“We should go. Ayokong dagdagan ang badshot ko sa daddy at tito mo.” Anton chuckled kaya napalingon ako sakanya. Right.

“Did you.. talk to dad? Pinagalitan kaba?”

Ngumiti lang siya at muling sinuklay sa tenga ang takas kong buhok. “Don’t worry about it. Let’s go.”

He gently pulled my hand and we walked out of the kitchen.. buti nalang at nasa labas ang mga chismosang kasambahay at baka lalo akong naelbow ni dad!

“Anong sabi? Nagalit?” Ulit ulit kong tanong na di niya sinasagot. Nakasunod ako sakanyang pinagmamasdan ang mga kamay naming magkahawak. My heart is beating so fast.

Ako ang unang kumalas at nagtungo sa backyard. Pinarinig ko agad na may inayos ako sa kwarto dahil inaabangan ako ni dad na lumabas. Mas tumalim pa ang titig niya sa alam kong kasunod kong kumabas ng glass door.

Napaggigitnaan ako nina tito Raymond at tita Athena sa mesa habang ang katabi ni dad ay si tito Raymond at tito Amer na nagiinuman at nagpapapak lang ng barbecue. Katabi ni tito Amer si Amiel na katapat ko at sa kanan niya ay si tita Elisse. Sa hanay naman namin ay si RJ ang nasa kaliwa ni tita Athena katabi ni Anton na nasa kabilang kabisera dahil siya ang huling umupo.

“It’s good that we often celebrate important events and holidays together. Like a family. Especially if we are to anticipate a merging soon.” Si tita Elisse na agad naman tinawag ni tito Amer.

“I’m just saying. You know that it’s my dream, Rein and I, for our children to be married. Alam niyo naman iyon. I can’t wait to have you as my daughter-in-law hija.” Si tita Elisse na nakangiti ngayon sa akin.

“My daughter is still very young, Elisse. While I acknowledge the promise you wanted to keep with my wife, I don’t see my daughter getting married anytime soon.” Dad, in his most restrained voice.

This is awkward. I secretly glanced at Anton na nakayuko sa plato niya pero nakaangat sakin ang tingin. Kita ko dito ang pagigting ng kanyang panga.

“I agree. Pwedeng si RJ muna.” Tita Athena laughed at her own joke. The older men became quiet though. Especially dad, na tuwid ang matalim na tingin sa katapat na kabisera.

“I can handle my own relationships, mom. And I’m certainly not getting married. Not yet.” RJ scoffed made his father barked out of laughter.

Hilaw namang tumawa si tita Elisse. “I’m just thinking aloud. Kayo naman! Di pa naman ngayon. Besides, magvavarsity si Amiel sa college at ito namang si Ria, modeling. But well.. we’ll see.” She shrugged and continue eating.

My eyes then darted at Amiel in front of me na nakatitig din sakin na nakahilig ang isang braso sa mesa at ang isa ay pinaglalaruan ang baso niyang may softdrinks.

Tito Raymond managed to divert our attention to a different topic. Tuloy ang kwentuhan at tawanan habang kumakain kami. I’m trying my best to survive the supper though because I can feel eyes glaring at me. Either from dad, Amiel, or Anton.

Nang matapos kumain ay pinatawag din ni dad ang mga tauhan na kakatapos lang din kumain para makisaya sa likod bahay at magpaputok.

We are all excited for the countdown. I was occupied watching our guards lighting our fountain fireworks when I felt a warm embrace behind me.

“No boyfriends. And no fucking husband. I swear to God, Reina.” Inis na daing ni dad kaya natawa ako.

“Come on, loosen up! Marriage is not in my mind yet. I’m just eighteen!”

“No suitors. No boyfriends. Say it, princess.” Dad demanded.

“Fine. I’ll study first. Okay na? Tito Raymond seems cool with RJ’s-”

“That’s completely different. It would have been different if I had a son. But I happened to have a daughter, so deal with it.” Dad scoffed made me cry out of laughter.

“Well.. I’m pretty. Diko na kasalanan if I get suitors.” Dad scoffed.

All of our fountain fireworks are now lit up. Maingay din sa kapitbahay dahil sa mga nagtotorotot at nagbobomba ng motor.

“Three… Two… One… Happy new year!” All of us cheered!

Kumalas ako sa yakap at humalik sa pisngi ni daddy. “Happy new year, daddy!”

Dad, in his bloodshot eyes, smiled while patting my head. “Happy new year, princess.”

I went to greet my titos and titas, even our house helpers. Sina Matt at iba pang security ay lumapit kay dad para bumati.

While everyone is busy greeting one another a happy new year, I felt the time moved slowly, as I looked at the man in front of me.

Si Anton, na nakapamulsa at nakatayo sa malayong tapat ko.. nakatitig sakin.

Everything went in slow motion.. diko na mapansin ang ibang bumabati.. ang mga sumisigaw.. ang mga aliw na aliw sa mga paputok.

“Happy new year, baby.” He mouthed that made me smile.

“Happy new year.” I mouthed back.

As I am matching his intense gaze, someone blocked my vision.

“Let’s date. When the classes resume next week. We’ll go out on a date.” Amiel, in his menacing voice.

Kumunot ang noo ko at tiningala siya. “Huh?”

He stared at me intently, grinning “Our parents expected us to get married in the future anyway. So we should start fostering our relationship as early as now.”

My lips parted and chest busted. You idiot!

“What did you say?”

“Sa pasukan. Magdedate tayo Ria.”

Kabanata 15

“Did your dad say anything?” Amiel asked me when I got in his car.

Tipid akong umiling. “He said I should be home by seven.” Nagpaalam kasi akong papasyal lang sa mall kasama ang mga kaklase. I brought Matt with me dahil hindi papayag si dad ng hindi pero nung nagkita kami ni Amiel sa may school, sakanya nako sumakay at pinagconvoy ko nalang siya. I clearly told him that he should keep a distance. Iyong hindi namin siya mapapansin ni Amiel.

He exhaled before starting his engine and drive. It’s Saturday and we plan on watching a movie. Syempre kakain din pagkatapos.

Ito ang unang date namin. Na lalabas kami ng kami lang. It’s been two weeks since we started.. hanging out. I mean I don’t really consider naman na nagdedate kami sa school but our classmates, his teammates, and even his past flings know.. that he’s with me. Ang liligalig tuloy ng mga lalaking kaklase sa likod dahil katabi ko na si Amiel sa second to the last row. At dahil narin sa paminsan minsan niyang akbay sa backrest ng armchair ko.

Lagi siyang sumasabay sakin ng lunch. With Pierce and his cousin.. na ikom padin ang labi at civil sa akin. I am too. Sakanilang magpinsan. Pierce might not notice pero I am a bit distant. Lalo na kung nagaaya sila ng milktea after school.

It’s a blessing in disguise nadin.. na Amiel decided that we should date. At least may kasama ako. Hindi ako naiilang na pakisamahan ang dalawang magpinsan. Pierce though, is always looking at me scandalously, at tinutukso ako.

Paulit ulit akong kinukulit kung ano ang nangyari at nagholiday break lang daw ay nagdedate na kami ni Amiel. I remained tight lipped and just giving them vague answers. Si Penelope naman.. walang reaksyon. I can see pain in her eyes though. She does really like him huh. Na ngayon ko lang napagtatatanto. She’s failing hardly every time she tries to smile and act normal in front of us. Napakaplastic.

And thank God I’m not getting bullied or harassed by his previous flings. No death threats so far sa locker or sa armchair ko. His exes were obsessed with him pa naman and I know some of them are still not over him. Subukan lang nila. I will never step down to their level but I guess a little catfights are inevitable kung magkagayon nga.

Amiel didn’t know a thing about his brother courting me too. I just.. kept my mouth shut about it. I don’t think it’s necessary to share that especially that Anton is not saying a word about it either.

We are no longer communicating. Again. Huli na nung unang linggo ng taon. He is calling me every night and continuously messaging me.. until I asked him to stop. Dahil muntik mabasa ni Amiel ang phone ko nung magkasama kaming naglunch.

“You don’t need to call me. We should stop this.” I said one night when I was on facetime with him.

“You want me to stop.. because my brother is courting you?” Anton probed while staring at me intently. Dama ko ang intensidad noon kahit na nakatitig lang naman ako sa screen ng iPad ko.

I sighed, a bit hesitant to answer his question. “Yes. As what tita Elisse mentioned, we-”

“No one is forcing you to be with him. Not even your father, Reina.” Anton’s low growl. Halos manginig ang sikmura ko sa kaba. Sobrang bilis din ng pagkabog ng dibdib ko.

“I know. But I think it’s high time for your brother to come to his senses. It was a promise made a long time ago, and I want to uphold that promise.. for mom.”

I can see his jaw clenching so hard but he remained silent. I sighed but I continue. “So.. uhm.. I’m going to.. date.. your brother. I don’t think it’s appropriate to do this if that’s the case. We shouldn’t.. you know.. communicate.. like this.” Nahihirapan kong sabi. Hindi ko nadin matignan ang screen ng iPad dahil ramdam kong pinapanood niya ako.

The deafening silence after that is killing me. Should I end the call na?

“Alright. If that’s what you want. Thank you.. for telling me, Reina.” I can hear something off about his voice. Is that pain?

I bit my lower lip harshly as I glanced at the bright screen of the iPad, where I saw his eyes became heavy lidded as he watched me. I don’t know but.. I feel like.. I’m not. Ugh!

I guess I’m feeling guilty. I have to be honest that I truly feel bad. I don’t even know what happened. I knew that we have a connection, and there’s no denying that we get along.. but then there’s Amiel.

I like Amiel. With Anton, I’m just getting unusual feelings that I don’t even know if I should feel in the first place. Maybe I’m just confused. Baka dahil sa hormones ko lang iyon.. kaya ako.. kinikilig… or whatsoever.

It’s how it should be. Like for Amiel and I to be together. But seeing him like this, maybe I just pity him. But whatever. He is old and mature anyway. He should respect my decision. Plus he’s working too. He’s going to be busy so we won’t have much time talking. Baka hindi din.. kami magwork.

“Kay. Ahm.. ibababa ko na..”

I saw him licked his lips before nodding. “Okay. Good night, Reina.”

Agad kong binaba ang tawag at sinara ang cover ng iPad bago ito binalik sa bedside drawer. Isang malalim na buntong hininga ang pinakawalan ko pagkatapos non.

That’s right. Finally. I don’t know with Amiel.. if he likes me na.. pero hindi ba dapat matuwa ako? Na nagdedate na kami ng crush ko? Na nakakasama ko na siya kumain? Na hinahatid niya ako sa car ko after class? Na inaabangan niya ako sa parking ng school tuwing umaga?

I shouldn’t be guilty. I should just enjoy what I am experiencing with Amiel now. Sinasabi ko na nga ba na kahit sino pa ang babaeng dumaan sakanya.. sakin padin siya babagsak sa huli. I will be his last. I can’t help but smirk with that evil thought.

So you, Penelope, should know better. Know how to keep your distance. You will never stand a chance. So stop trying. You may had him for a night.. but you will never have him completely.. at least.. his family will not like you more than me.

Come to think of it, Amiel and I haven’t talked about it yet. I may have blurted out the scene I saw at the parking lot of that bar but I wasn’t able to hear his side. Though, at one point I’m not sure if he has plans even explaining. Oh well, I guess we should forget about it then? Question is, kaya ko ba? With his ex-flings and ex-girlfriends, yes, pero kung sa taong naging malapit sakin na, I feel like that memory will haunt me forever. Worse is that I don’t have the strength to confront him about it anymore.

“Do you want to watch a movie first o kumain nalang muna tayo?” Tanong ni Amiel ng makadating kami ng mall.

“Hmm. We can.. go ahead and watch nalang muna. After nalang tayo kumain.” Hindi pa din naman ako gutom at halos kakatapos niya lang din maglunch sakanila kaya umakyat na kami sa may cinema para manood ng sine.

He let me pick the movie we will be watching at ng nakapili ay pumila naman kami para sa popcorn at tickets.

“Does your bodyguard really need to come with us? Even in the cinema?” Mahinang bulong ni Amiel ng sabihin kong bibilan ko din si Matt ng ticket. Napatingala ako sakanya na tuwid ang tingin sa harap ng pila. Lumipat naman ang tingin ko kay Matt na nasa may likod namin na nakatayo ng tuwid sa may pader at naghihintay samin.

Bahagya akong tumikhim at mahinang tumango. “Dad wants to.. ahm. but if you’re uncomfortable then I guess-”

“He can wait for us outside. Ako naman ang kasama mo.” He cut me off. I guess he’s right. Wala namang masama don at isa pa.. kasama ko naman nga siya.

Simula kasi ng sumabay siya minsan sakin maglunch sa labas ng school ay napapansin ko ang masama niyang titig sa bodyguard ko. While Matt has his eyes on me all the time, ayaw ni Amiel na kasama namin siya. Naiirita din siya kung sinusundan kami ni Matt. O kung nakikita niyang nakatingin ito sakin at pinapanood ako alinsunod sa trabaho niya.

Nang kami na ang nasa harap ng ticket outlet ay agad naglabas ng pera si Amiel para sa dalawang tickets. We only have fifteen minutes before the movie starts pero nakabili padin kami. I can’t help but sigh. It’s not that I’m not comfortable without Matt, mas okay nga iyon. Para maging independent naman ako at.. para maenjoy din namin ang date… ng walang chaperone. Nothing bad will happen to me anyway. I’m with Amiel.

Pagkatapos sa ticket ay pumila kami sa food and drinks. Bumili ng dalawang large popcorn si Amiel at tatlong large coke.

“Tayo na po ba ma’am?” Tanong ni Matt ng makalapit ako sakanya pagkatapos namin bumili.

“No. Kami lang. You’re not going. Here. Help yourself.” Si Amiel na sumulpot sa likod ko at inabot sakanya ang isang popcorn at coke. I thought that’s for me. So.. maghahati kami sa popcorn na hawak ko?

Bakas ang lito sa mukha ng bodyguard ko at palipat lipat ang tingin samin. Amiel handed the large popcorn closer as Matt was stunned and didn’t move. Agad naman kinuha ng huli ang inabot na pagkain at inumin.

“Ahm.. kami lang kasi ang manonood Matt. We are on a date. You can wait for us here.. outside.” Tawag ko sa atensyon niya.

“I’ll be fine. And no need to tell dad. Pagtapos ng movie ay lalabas na kami.” I added.

Suminghap lang ito at tumango. “Sige po ma’am. Tawagan niyo po ako kung kailangan niyo-”

“Usage of mobile phones is prohibited inside the cinema. Just so you know. Just wait here.” Putol ni Amiel at hinila na ako papasok. Wala akong nagawa kundi ang magpatianod.

Nilingon ko pa si Matt na sinusundan kami ng tingin. Tipid lang itong ngumiti at tumango.

Amiel held my right forearm habang ang isang kamay niya naman ay bitbit ang cup holder na may inumin namin.

Saglit niya akong binitawan para kunin sa bulsa ang binili niyang ticket at iabot sa attendant. Nang macheck ang ticket ay agad na din kaming pinapasok.

Madilim na ng pumasok kami ng sinehan at may iilang tao na. I felt Amiel’s hand immediately went to my back for support dahil pinapauna niya akong maglakad. I bit my lip because I can’t help but smile. Who would’ve thought that he would be this gentleman to me?

“Where do you want to sit?” I heard him whispered on my ear.

Tinuro ko ang bandang taas. “Top row is fine.”

The movie is not packing though. Probably because it’s been showing for three weeks already pero ngayon ko palang ito mapapanood. Wala masyadong tao sa taas na bahagi ng sinehan. Umupo kami sa unang row pagdating sa taas. Okay na dito. Ayoko naman sa sobrang tuktok.

We are seated next to each other at nasa hita ko ang karton ng large popcorn. Nilagay naman ni Amiel sa may armrest namin ang biniling drinks.

The movie went on and both of us are watching it. Kita ko sa peripheral ko na nakatutok din siya sa harap.

So.. this is like.. casual bonding. Nothing sweet or whatsoever. Akala ko aakbayan niya ako, or maghoholding hands kami. Or.. magkikiss.

People do that. Marami sa school ang mga talanding nakikipaghalikan sa sinehan! Well.. he was my first kiss. I just thought.. well. Why am I even anticipating the second kiss? Am I really looking forward to it?

I guess another reason aside sa para di ako maawkward pakisamahan sina Pierce ay dahil gusto kong magexplore. Kaya pumayag ako sa alok niya na magdedate daw kami. I’m not sure if he’s pressured by his mother, clearly tita Elisse has been pushy about this. I don’t even know if he likes me or baka napipilitan lang talaga siya na idate ako… pero at least… I guess.. we will both benefit to it.. at some point.

Halos manginig ang buong laman ko at mapayuko ng biglang napunta ang kamay niya.. sa pagitan ng hita ko.. I mean sa popcorn. Kumuha siya doon at agad na dinala sa bibig at nginuya.

“We’ll share.” He whispered and winked at me bago muling nagpokus sa pinapanood. Parang wala lang. Walang malisya sakanya pero sa akin.. halos maginit ako sa tagpo.

Maybe this is how Amiel get his girls thirsty for him. He teases them, until they submit.. until they flocked themselves to him.

Agad akong napainom sa inumin sa tabi ko. It’s bad that I’m a virgin and my curiosity and raging hormones are not helping me.

I guess I have to admit na akala ko kaya kami magsisine.. ay dahil magmemakeout kami dito. Kagaya nung sa mga pelikula. Well.. that seems cheap and I certainly am not but.. experience is a great teacher they say, malay mo.. si Amiel din ang una kong.. ahm.

Pero natapos ang pinapanood namin na walang nangyari. I’m not sure if I should be happy that he respects me.. na hindi niya ako ginanon sa sinehan kagaya ng mga cheap lang na babae.. or should I be overthinking na kaya siguro wala kaming ginawang milagro sa sinehan.. ay dahil trans ako.. at babae naman talaga ang gusto niya.. kagaya ng bukambibig niya sa mga kaibigang lalaki noon.

Diko tuloy mapigilang mabigo ng lumabas kami ng sinehan. Agad namang lumapit samin si Matt ng matanaw kaming lumabas.

“We’ll grab a bite, Matt. Let’s go.” Patiuna ko na kinatango lang ng huli.

I heard Amiel scoffed beside me pero wala siyang magagawa. It’s not like Matt will join us in our table. Susunod lang naman siya at tatanawin kami sa malayo. I’m sure like that he’s still full and he’s on duty kaya hindi iyan kakain. Ganyan iyan kapag nagshoshopping akong magisa, nanood lang or nakasunod.

Kumain kami sa isang sikat na restaurant. We barely talked. We just ate. No sweet words. No sweet gestures. No questions about our status nor the courtship. Makes me believe na baka naman napipilitan nga lang talaga siya.. na makipagdate sakin.

“Does your.. parents know.. about us?” Diko na mapigilang tanong ng makabalik kami sa sasakyan niya pagkatapos niyang isettle ang bill sa restaurant.

Saglit niya lang akong tinapunan ng tingin. “No. I feel like mama won’t be able to keep it to herself, if she knows. Baka malaman pa ng daddy mo kapag nagkaganon.”

I must thank him for that thinking. Kung ganoon, hindi alam ni tita Elisse na nagdedate kami kahit na madalas niya ipadinig ang kagustuhang magkaron kami ng mabuting ugnayan. Then what’s driving him to date me? What is it for him?

Surely it’s not because he wants to please his mother, dahil sinabi niya sana na nagdedate na kami kung talagang ganoon. Hindi kaya..

“So.. is the reason you are dating me is.. because of a bet?” Sunod kong tanong habang nakapokus sa bag. Baka lang kasi may pustahan pala sila ng mga kaibigan. As much as I want to date him, ayoko naman na mukha akong desperada and they are laughing behind my back dahil pinagpustahan lang pala ako.

I can see in my peripheral that his face turned to me immediately, as his grip on the steering wheel tightens. “Of course not. You think this is some kind of a joke to you, huh, Ria?”

Oh bat galit? I shrugged. “I’m just saying. I’m trying to decipher the main reason why you decided to date me. Go out with me. Be with me in school when you can be with any girl you wish. Andaming nagpapapansin sayong girls sa court ah? Why me? If it’s not for your mother?” Diko mapigilang linungin siya matapos ang huling tanong. It made him dropped his jaw and speechless. Halos mapailing ako at mapangisi sa panibagong naisip.

“Or maybe it’s because of Penelope? I can date you to spite her, but if your intentions were to make her jealous and-”

“It’s not! Don’t fucking mention her name in this!” He roared.

He let out a heavy sigh when I went silent after he cut me off. “Hindi ko siya iniisip. At hindi siya magiging dahilan ng sa ating dalawa o kung liligawan kita. Labas siya sa kung anong meron tayo.”

Natahimik siya ng nanatili akong walang imik. Wala siyang nagawa kundi ang magdrive pabalik sa school. Kung saan ako sasakay kay Matt at uuwi na.

The ride were awfully quiet and awkward. Sana pala eh kay Matthew nako sumabay dun palang sa parking ng mall. I hate this!

“You’re right.” Panimula niya ng ihinto ang sasakyan sa may tapat ng school namin na walang tao. Lito ko siyang nilingon na nanatiling tulala sa harap ng kalsada.

“With what you saw.. with.. me and your friend.. in that bar.” Oh shit!

I saw him swallowed hard while staring blankly in front. He licked his lips.. hesitant to continue “She.. gave herself up to me. It’s just.. one night. I didn’t like her.. I was only tempted.. we had s-”

“No need to share the details and explain.” Agap kong putol dahil mabilis nanubig ang mga mata ko sa galit at sakit. I guess I can’t stand hearing it from him after all?

Lito siyang bumaling sakin.. awang ang mga labi. “It already happened. She’s a two-faced snake and you are a slave to your libido. Guess we can’t do anything about it, huh?” I chuckled mockingly. I heard him sighed.

“I’m.. sorry.” He said breathily. I bit my lip to control my tears. Lalo lang akong naging emosyonal dahil sa paghingi niya ng tawad. I guess ito na iyong sinasabi ko na hindi ko makakayanan lang na balewalain, kung magpapakasal kami kalaunan. This memory will haunt me forever. I will overthink.. I will get hurt.. I will be a nagging wife dahil praning ako sa bawat magiging labas niya.. kung mambababae ba siya.

“No need to apologize. It’s who you are and I totally understand that. That’s why I’m so curious why you would date me, when you can have another pussy to fuck in schoo-”

“Don’t fucking say that!” Halos mapapitlag ako sa lakas ng kanyang boses.

“I don’t.. know. I don’t know, Ria.” Naiiling niyang sabi at yumuko sa manibela.

“I don’t understand it either. All I know.. is that I hate it.. when other guys are close to you.. or when they are admiring you… talking about you. Worse is if they are fantasizing you, about your legs, your hips, your growing breasts.. I hated it. I hated it all when they do that.” He whispered on the steering wheel. What?

Umahon siya na may mapungay ng mga mata. “I don’t know.. what’s going on. That’s why I wanted to.. date you.. hoping that I too would understand. That I will know what this means.. and why I’m feeling this.”

“So.. if it turned out.. that you only cared for me as a brother, then what?” My question left him dumbfounded. Nagiwas siya ng tingin at muling bumuntong hininga.

“If you will date me, you won’t be able to fuck other girls, certainly I’m not for an open relationship so saya-”

“I’m not.. thinking about that.” Umiiling na sabi nito habang nakayuko.

Gusto kong matawa. Really now? You? Turning down girls who wants to bed you? I don’t think so.

Sinukbit ko na ang Chanel bad boy ko sa balikat at naghanda ng bumaba. “Uuwi na ako. I guess we can date. It’s beneficial for the both of us. You can figure out your feelings, while I won’t have to be awkward dealing with my.. friends.. dahil lang may nangyari sainyo ni Penelope.”

Nilingon niya ulit ako. Lumabas na ako ng sasakyan dahil wala din naman siyang nasagot sa sinabi ko. Mukhang ako ang talo dito ah. Kahit pa sabihin kong it’s for convenience, kung magpapatuloy ito. I might.. end up hoping for us. Eh pano kung nafigure out niya ang feelings niya at hindi pala yun pabor sakin? Hay.

Walang buhay akong sumakay ng sasakyan ko at inutusan si Matt na magdrive na. Pasado alasais na. Maaga pa naman kaya di ako papagalitan.

“Okay lang kayo.. ma’am?” Tanong ni Matt sa harap.

Nanatili akong nakatitig sa labas ng bintana ko. “Yeah. Just keep your mouth shut about today. Kapag nalaman ni daddy, lagot ka sakin.”

“Yes po.” Sagot niya at tumikhim habang patuloy na nagmamaneho.

Sa mga sumunod na araw ay ganun padin naman ang set up namin. Mas dumadami tuloy kaming lumalabas dahil sumasabay nadin samin sina Miko na maglunch dahil kay Amiel. Kung may group activity, gusto niya na magkateam kami. Kung may practice game sila or friendly competition with other schools, gusto niyang nanonood ako.

“Ano na? Hindi mo pa sinasagot? Eh daig nyo pa magjowa ah!” Si Pierce ng nasa cafeteria kami, at ang boys ang bumili ng pagkain. Katapat ko siya na katabi ang pinsan niyang nagpapatay malisya pero alam kong nakikinig samin.

Umiling ako. “I’m just.. taking my time, that’s all.”

“Ay pota! Eh antagal mo ng crush iyan ah? Aba eh kahit naman ayaw ko diyan at babaero yan eh kung ganyang nililigawan ka, go mo na!!” Si Pierce na tinapik pa ang mesa at tumingin sa gawi nina Amiel na nakapila sa may food stall.

“Duda padin ako.. pero kung bibigyan mo siya ng chance eh syempre support lang kami. Diba? Sino ka naman diyan?” Sabay siko nito sa pinsan na nanatiling walang imik.

Inayos nito ang salamin. “Y-Yeah. Sorry.. iniisip ko lang ang.. lesson kanina.” She said. Psh. Admit it. You’re jealous. Hah!

Bumaba ang tingin ko sa kanang kamay ko, kung saan suot ko ang bracelet na bigay ni Amiel nung Christmas. Hindi ko pa alam kung kelan ko siya sasagutin dahil hindi ko din naman alam kung ano ang nararamdaman niya sakin. Kahit na hinahotseat siya nina Franco nung nakaraan, he’s just smiling and giving vague answers. Lalo tuloy kaming iniintriga.

We continued dating. Weeks turned to a month. Ganun padin naman kami. Hindi kami sweet sa isa’t isa pero madalas kami magkasama o magkatabi sa school. Kung gigimik sila o iinom ng barkada, magpapaalam lang siya sakin. Sinasabi niyang puro lalake sila pero minsan nagooverthink ako kung baka may babae ba. Hindi ko naman siya pinagbabawalan. I guess he can do what he wants. Sana lang ay huwag ko siyang mahuli o walang makakita sakanya. Para naman di kami pagusapan at pagtawanan lang ako.. na alam sa school na ako ang dinedate niya pero may babae padin siya.

Ayoko padin siyang sagutin.. because I don’t know.. if I should be. I don’t know. It’s weird. It’s like I’m looking for something else. I don’t get excited. I’m blushing and I have those butterflies in my stomach whenever we are close to each other, but I feel like something is missing.

Every time I will post something on social media. It’s always about me. Hindi siya kasama dahil baka makita ni daddy. I do that on a daily basis and never did I get excited every time my stories or posts were liked or viewed by someone.. until Anton.

Hindi na siya laging nakatutok o naghaheart ng mga stories at my day ko. Pero lagi akong nakaabang. Kapag nakita kong naview na niya iyon, hindi ko na muli pang pinipindot ang stories para makita ang mga sumunod pa.

I’m also attentive with every pictures I upload in Facebook and Instagram. Gusto ko laging maganda ang outfit ko at maganda ang angle ko. Iyong fresh lang. Mayat maya ko din tinitignan ang mga reactions at comment. Pero kapag nakita kong napusuan na iyon ni Anton, hindi ko na tinitignan pa ulit ang post ko.

“Happy valentines day, love.” Amiel’s giving me his playful smile he uses in court when he hand me a red rose in a black box pagkabalik namin ng sasakyan niya after ng date namin.

“Love?” Tanong kong natatawa habang kinukuha ang box na bigay niya. It’s my first time hearing him call me with an endearment.

Tinitigan ko ang bulaklak na nakalagay doon. It looks artificial at first pero ng kinapa ko, totoo pala. Inamoy ko ang rose at may halimuyak iyon na nahahaluan ng pabango niya.

“Uhuh.” He responded languidly kaya lumingon ako sakanya na may hawak ulit na mas maliit na itim na box. I gasped in shock at buti nalang napigilan kong lumipad ang palad ko sa bibig ko.

He opened the tiny box and it showed me a pair of diamond earrings. Okay. Ang OA ko doon. Eh akala ko singsing eh!

I stared at the box with the perfect cut diamonds. It’s blinding. Ang ganda.

“Do you like it?” Are you kidding me? Of course!

“Yes. Thank you! I’m sorry.. ahm.. wala akong gift.”

He chuckled sexily and shook his head. “Ouch.”

Lumapit siya sakin at halos mapasandal ako sa upuan ng passenger seat ng maglapit ang mukha namin. Naramdaman ko ang paghaplos niya sa tenga ko.

Unti unti niyang hinubad ang hikaw ko. Na bigay ni Anton. Na lagi ko na palang suot simula pa nung nakaraang taon.

Halos ihanda ko agad ang palad para saluhin ang hikaw na inalis niya. Napatitig ako sa palad ko ng nilagay niya ang maliit at makinang na hikaw doon.

Ramdam ko ang panibagong malamig na bagay sa tenga ko. Sinuot niya sakin ang isang pares ng hikaw na bigay niya. “There. It looks better than what you’re wearing.”

My eyes drifted on his face that’s all smiling and staring at me. Mahina niyang pinasadahan ng daliri ang tenga kong suot na ang hikaw niya. I chuckled nervously. Mas lalapit pa sana siya para ang kanang hikaw ko naman ang alisin pero nagpresinta na ako.

“A-Ako na.”

Mabagal ang pagtanggal ko doon.. animo ayaw ko talagang hubarin. Nang matanggal ay hinawakan ko iyon ng mahigpit saka kinuha ang natitirang pares ng hikaw ni Amiel sa itim na box at kinapa ang butas ng tenga ko.

He looked satisfied with me wearing his earrings.

“T-Thank you.” Pasasalamat ko ulit. Pansamantala ko munang nilagay ang hikaw ni Anton sa box ng hikaw niya at nilagay sa hita ko.

“You’re welcome, love.” Ulit niya sa tawag sakin.

I laughed at him, cringing. “I didn’t know you’re fond of cheesy endearments.” Madalas ang mga ex niya ang tumatawag sakanya ng mga ganon. Pero siya.. hindi ko naririnig. Or siguro hindi lang ako aware.

“Just now.” Malamyos niyang sagot. I tilted my head as a sign of question. He sighed.

“Love.. is papa’s endearment to mama. I want us.. to have that same endearment too.” He said huskily while staring at my face that made my cheeks hot with the rushing blood. Oh my!

Kabanata 16

Love.

I don’t know what to feel really. Nagkakagulo ang loob ko sa endearment na iyon. Hindi ako pinatulog dahil para akong lutang.

Matapos kong laruin sa kamay ay tinago ko na sa pulang box nito ang hikaw na bigay ni Anton. Suot ko na ang hikaw ni Amiel. Nahihilig akong magsuot ng hikaw ngayon so I guess there’s nothing wrong with wearing his valentines gift. We are dating anyway. Humiga na ako sa kama at natulog na.

“CR lang ako.” Paalam ko sa kasamang grupo after maglunch. Kasama parin namin ang boys dahil kay Amiel, at syempre itong si Pierce at Penelope.

Amiel is waiting outside habang si Pierce eh nagcr naman sa panlalaki. Pumasok din kasunod ko si Penelope.

I went to the cubicle to relieved myself. Nang matapos umihi ay lumabas na ako at naghugas ng kamay. Kinuha ang kit sa bag at nilabas ang toothbrush at toothpaste.

Nagsisipilyo nako ng makarinig ako ng pagflush at pagbukas ng cubicle ni Penelope. Agad kaming nagkatinginan sa salamin. Dumiretso siya sa isa pang sink. Dalawang pagitan ang distansya sakin. Sinusuklay niya ang bangs niya at inayos ang suot na salamin.

We heard loud chattering sa bagong papasok ng CR pero agad ding natahimik. It was Clarisse and her bitchy friends. Great! I’m surrounded by Amiel’s admirers here.

“Hmp.” papansing arte ni Clarisse kahit kita sa salamin ang sarkastikong ngiti. I almost rolled my eyes. Tumabi siya sa kasunod kong sink habang ang isa niyang kaibigan ay nasa katabing sink naman ni Penelope sa kabila. Parehas silang naglabas ng make up at nagretouch. Iyong isang kasama nila ay pumasok ng cubicle.

“You’re so pretty talaga friend. I’m sure hindi makakagetover sayo ang ex mo.” Obvious na parinig ng katabi niyang friend na squammy.

Gusto kong matawa. Really? Sa kapal ng makeup mo sa face? You’re putting another layer of powder? And you’re pretty? Hah!

I spit the fluoride and wiped my mouth. I washed the toothbruh in the faucet bago isa isang binalik sa kit ang mga gamit.

I took time to scanned my face in the mirror. There’s no need to retouch dahil sunscreen lang ang nalagay ko kanina and hindi ko siya dala. Naglagay lang ako ng liptint dahil nabura na nung kumain kanina.

“Of course. It’s just his new flavor of the month. I’m sure mamimiss din ako non. Anyway, he still prefer be with real women like me.” With emphasis on the word real, and her poor sentence construction, Clarisse responded to her friend.

That’s your blow? Funny. If I can recall, you were his flavor of the month.

Sinukbit ko na ang bag sa balikat at naglakad na palabas ng muling magparinig si Clarisse.

“Ganun talaga ang mga desperada. Trying hard maging babae. Kadiri.” Mas kadiri ka. Pinagpasahan ng mga lalaki ng basketball team. You were no match for me. Anak ka lang ng corrupt na barangay captain. Hindi ko sure pano mo naafford na pumasok sa school na to.

I caught Penelope’s stares pero binalewala ko. Iniwan ko ang mga babae ni Amiel sa banyo.

Dahil halos lagi nga kaming magkasama ni Amiel. I expected this. Nung nakaraan, iyong ex niyang lower year naman ang masama ang tingin sakin at nagbubulungan. I don’t mind. Let them talk shit. They’re just bitter.

I went out of the comfort room and saw Amiel waiting outside. Nakasandig ang isang paa sa sinasandalang pader habang nakapamulsa. Andun din si Pierce na parang tuod at hindi kinikibo si Amiel. Agad umayos ng tayo si Amiel ng makita ako. Lumapit siya sakin.

Gusto ko ng umalis pero antagal ng pinsan ni Pierce. Hindi naman na gaganda ang isang iyon.

My ears were filled with annoying laughter. Hindi ko na nilingon dahil alam ko naman na kung sino.

“You’re right! Naku! Mas maganda ka dun bhie!” Sabi ng chakang kaibigan ni Clarisse.

“Don’t compare me nga to him. At least I’m genuine. I’m was born a natural girl.” Diyos ko. Mas natural pa ang bugok na saging sa pagmumukha mo. Why not study harder nalang?

“Nung pinuputak ng lecheng yan? Paenglish english pa ang pota.” Dinig kong bulong ni Pierce.

Nangingisi nalang akong umiling. Nilingon ko si Amiel na bored na nakatingin sa malayo.

Clarisse flipped her hair when she walked passed us. Umirap ako at nakahalukipkip. Ang putanginang Penelope, nilubog na sa sink!

Speaking of the devil, lumabas din ang bruha. Nauna na akong maglakad at sumunod nalang sila.

Nasa classroom na kami at naghihintay ng teacher. I was busy scrolling on facebook, swiping some stories.. until I came across Anton’s.

This is new. Wala siya masyadong posts sa mga social media accounts niya unless it’s a family gathering. Madalas, mga tagged photos pa.

I may not notice it before, pero ito ang unang beses na nakita kong nagstory siya sa facebook.

It’s the view from his room, kuha ng langit sa bintana niya. The sun is up, the sky is blue and bright.. yet the text on that photo says “Good afternoon, baby.”

My heart starts hammering. I counted the distance from our time zones. It’s seven o’clock in the morning in Barcelona! Pero afternoon ang caption?

Baby.

That’s what he called me. I know that! ‘Good afternoon, baby.’ Alauna na ng hapon dito. Was it for me? Or assuming lang ako?

Baka naman he is now seeing someone? Noong nakaraang buwan pa ang huling usap namin when I asked him to stop courting me.

Mayroon siyang bago? Agad? Well. I won’t blame him. Hindi naman pwedeng tinurn down ko siya eh hindi na siya magkakagusto sa iba.

Pero gusto mo ako. You even told me that you’ve waited for me. Was that all lies?

Or maybe it’s an honest mistake? Baka morning talaga dapat iyon?

Nilong press ko ang screen para lang mahold ang story niya dahil hindi maalis ang titig ko doon.

I don’t know what to feel. I just know that the butterflies in my stomach won’t rest. Iniisip kong para sakin nga iyon.

At the same time, I’m a bit pissed. I can’t help it. Kung para iyon sa iba. Ang kapal niya pala! So he was not serious with me? Sabi niya gusto niya ako at liligawan niya ako. Eh sino yang baby na iyan? Lumulungad din ba iyan?

Baby ang tawag niya non sakin. Tapos iyang bago niya baby parin? Wala kanang maisip na itawag? Walang originality! How dumb!

I heard Amiel cleared his throat. Mabilis kong binaba ang cellphone at napalingon sakanya. Kunot noo siyang nakatingin sakin bago bumaba ang tingin niya sa phone ko.

“Andyan na si sir.” Tipid na sabi nito at sumandal ng ayos sa armchair. Nilingon ko ang harap at kadadating lang nga ng teacher namin. Agad akong umayos ng upo at tinago ang phone sa bulsa.

Ilang buwan nalang graduation na namin. Onting pagtyatyaga nalang sa mga babaeng desperada kay Amiel. Ayoko na kayong makita. You all are sickening.

Nagkaklase na pero lutang parin ako. Bakit ba ako di matahimik sa fb story na iyon?

Hanggang sa matapos ang afternoon classes at maguwian. Hindi rin naman kami ganung nagkikibuan ni Amiel sa school. Hinatid niya lang ako sa SUV ko bago siya pumunta sa pulang Raptor niya. Ang magpinsang Pierce at Penelope ay naunang sumakay sa sariling sasakyan.

Sa byahe pauwi ay di parin ako matahimik. Muli kong inopen ang account ni Anton at pinindot ang kaisa isang story niya ngayong araw.

May mga comment na doon ng mga hindi ko kilala.

“Loverboy talaga si engineer.”

“Hirap talaga ng LDR sir. Kapit lang.”

Mayroon namang nagtuturuan kung sino daw ba iyon o kung iyon ba iyong nakita nilang kasama niya dati. Lalo lang nagalab ang galit sa loob ko.

Lintek na Anton. Tama lang na basted ka talaga!

Natulog akong bugnot kaya iritable ako ng gumising. Even dad noticed my foul mood early in the morning.

“What’s wrong? You want to eat something else?” Si dad na pinapanood akong murderin ang hotdog sa plato ko.

Tipid lang akong umiling at sinubo ang nahiwang hodog. I heard him sighed.

“Problems with school? Marami bang homework?” He’s probing to get me speak. Wala lang talaga ako sa mood.

“Hindi po dad.” Sagot ko bago uminom ng milk.

He chuckled. “Then why is my princess look grumpy this early in the morning? Is that your time of the month?”

Inis akong bumaling sakanya na nakangising inaasar ako. It’s not funny! I’m not menstruating! Parang tanga eh!

Agad siyang umiling. “Alright. I’m kidding. You’ll be late for school. Bilisan mo ng kumain.”

Amiel texted me that he is on his way to school. Nagreply lang ako na paalis na din.

Subconsciously, inistalk ko ulit ang account ni Anton sa sasakyan. See if there’s something new. Wala naman. Andun padin ang story niya kahapon na mageexpire mamaya. Wala din siyang bagong tagged photo.

I checked his instagram too na wala din namang laman. Hmmm.

I should stop stressing about it. Hindi bat pinatigil ko nga manligaw? It doesn’t make sense if para naman akong obsessed na dapat eh habol siya ng habol sakin!

Pero inis padin ako. I even told Amiel na mauna ng pumasok sa school and don’t wait for me in the parking lot. He agreed naman.

Tinuon ko nalang ang atensyon sa pakikinig sa mga teachers. I didn’t bother checking my phone na din dahil maalala ko lang ng maalala.

“Tol practice game daw kalaban yung tagaSt. Mary ng weekend. G?” Dinig kong aya ni Miko sa likod namin. I glanced at Amiel beside me na saglit tinapunan ng tingin ang nasa likuran.

“Kaya niyo na iyan.” Natatawang sabi nito.

“Gagu! Sama ka. Pustahan din eh. Tas shot tayo after.”

“’Kay.” Tipid nitong sagot. Pinagusapan din nila noong lunch namin ang tungkol sa basketball game. Ito namang si Pierce, ang school fair ang topic.

Sumabay din kasi samin maglunch ang class president namin pero samin siya nakatabi at ang grupo nina Amiel ang nasa kabilang side ng rectangular table.

“Tatanong ko kay ma’am pero dinig ko sa kabilang section, prison booth ang pakulo.” Sabi ng president namin. This is so corny. Pero well, ganito ang mga ineenjoy ng high schools. And prison booth? The students being sent there for a bet are just making out. Hindi nalang ginawang kissing booth.

“Pwede nga iyong magbenta tayo eh. Like yung last year? May finger foods. Kaso nga lang sino ang aasahan niyong magluto.” Ani Pierce.

“Ahm… maybe we can try yung mga paquizzes? And then yung may tamang answer.. mayroon tayong prize.” Wow. What a wholesome suggestion.

“Hmmm. Pwede din nga lalo na at malapit na din naman ang exams. Pwede na iyon magserve as review. Iyon nga lang.. dapat inclusive for all the strands. So ang questions dapat applicable sa tinetake ni student.”

May punto ang president namin. Hinayaan ko lang silang magusap habang ako naman eh patuloy sa pagkain.

“Ikaw te? Anong bet mong ganap ng school fair?” Tanong ni Pierce para masali ako sa usapan.

“Kayo na ang bahala. Wala akong maisip.” Tamad kong sagot.

Amiel went to his practice game nung weekend. Di na ako sumama kahit tinanong niya ako isang beses. Hinayaan ko nalang siya. Isa pa, ayoko ding manood lalo na at alam kong di talaga maiiwasan na may magpapapansin sakanya. Siguro lang I’m really running away from any drama. Hindi naman kami though we are dating. We are having a good time I guess. No pressure.

Bahala sila magpapansin. I just do my usual thing. I want to finish senior high school so bad for me to have a fresh new environment in college.

“Bakla! Jumoin ka at panoorin mo dapat siya maglaro! Mark your territory. Aba di pwede iyang ganyan no. For sure daming talanding sige cheer doon ngayon!”

Pilit sakin ni Pierce sa video call sa group chat namin ng pinsan niya. I don’t want to turn on my camera at first pero pinilit niya ako at wala daw dahilan para hindi ko iyon gawin. Napilitan din tuloy si Penelope na ganun din dahil kahit siya ayaw buksan ang camera.

The feeling is mutual. I don’t want to see your face. Damn I hate your sneaky bitch face!

“Nah. Dito nalang ako sa bahay. He’s texting me naman kapag nakauwi na siya.”

I saw him cringed sa camera habang ang pinsan niya ay ginagawa ang lahat para lang wag tumingin sa screen.

“I like that you’re confident. Pero diba! Alam mo ang history ng lalaking iyan. Ewan ko talaga sayo te anong trip mo.”

Penelope wanted to excuse herself at kahit gusto pa chumika ni Pierce, kinuha ko yung opportunity para ibaba ang tawag.

I cannot really get mad at him. He’s been a good friend. Masasaktan talaga ako, if he’s conspiring with his cousin behind my back. Na kung talagang alam niyang may gusto si Penelope kay Amiel.

I sighed and opened Netflix in my iPad. I’ll just watch some movie or something. Wala naman akong gagawin at umalis si dad kasama si tito.

Ilang araw ang naging preparasyon ng section namin para sa activities sa school fair hanggang sa sumunod na linggo. Nasunod ang gusto ni Penelope at sabi ng teacher namin ay magandang ideya nga daw iyon ng nabanggit ng class president namin.

I’m helping the way I can. Kanya kanya ng research ng mga questions na tricky. Cinonsider din nila ang mga year level per strand kaya yung mga natandaan naming subjects ng nagdaang taon ay nagamit. Sa pagaayos ng props, mga materials para sa booth namin, nageextend kami at gumagawa sa library. Hassle daw kasing iuwi at kung ibbyahe, baka masira pa. Pinagusapan din namin ang mga prizes na pwede at pasok sa budget lalo na at pagaambagan lang iyon ng klase.

We were assigned in the quiz bee booth. Rotations kami. Mamayang hapon naman ay doon kami sa food stall namin at ang ibang gustong magpahinga sa pagbebenta ay pwedeng magbantay sa quiz bee booth lalo na kung onti nalang ang maglalaro.

We didn’t get our first students to try our booth until the next hour. Akala nga ng president ng section ay lalangawin kami dito. Stupid students! Puro kasi paglalandi imbes na magaral kaya ay hayun at nagpapahuli sa jail booth something kasama ng mga secret crush pala nila. Pathetic.

Nagprisinta si Pierce na ako daw ang maghikayat ng students. “Face value matters! Halika! Dito ka at kumaway kaway diyan dali! Wag maarte!” Sabay hila sakin sa bukana ng booth para makita ng mga estudyanteng dumadaan.

Nagtawanan naman ang ibang mga lalaking kaklase at nangatyaw. Meron namang mga babaeng kaklase na nagtaas ng kilay. What? I’m the most beautiful here than all of your face value combined.

Naaliw narin ako sa pinapagawa ni Pierce ng sabihin niyang tama nga siya. May mga lower year kasing dumaan at ng tinawag ko para subukan ang booth, ay nagstay sila samin.

Sabay kami sa pagcheer sa mga students kung nakukuha ang tamang sagot at ineempower naman namin sakaling hindi nakuha. The students who will try the booth will have five questions to answer.

“Congrats! May mga jowa naba kayo? Oh eto igift niyo!” Sabe ni Sammie sabay abot ng mga cute sized teddy bear doon sa apat na lalaki.

“Ate pwede daw po bang magpapicture?” Matapang na sabi nung nakasalamin na lalaki at turo sa nahihiya nilang kasama. Who? With me?

“Ay pak! Pwede! Dito kayo sa may booth tapos iupload niyo ha? Sabihan niyo din ang mga classmates niyo.” Si Pierce na nagpresinta pang kumuha ng picture namin.

I posed for a click. Sumama nadin ang ibang kaklase nung lalaki kaya sumingit din sa picture ang mga classmates ko.

“Thank you ate.”

“You’re welcome. Tell your classmates to visit our booth please.” Ngiti ko.

Next thing we know, our booth is packed. May mga seniors at mga juniors na nagtatry. Maloko yung mga nasa STEM at ang bobo daw ng classmate nila na hindi alam ang isasagot eh yun daw ang topic nila last week.

Everyone were busy with their different task. Nagpalagay kami ng speakers na kinuha ng boys sa may department para maengganyo ang mga estudyante dito samin. Hirap na hirap si Luigi na tumulong bumuhat sa speaker. Mas marami kasi ang boys sa kabila naming booth at yung mga nasa basketball team pa.

I was busy handing the students na tapos ng maglaro ng survey questionnaire namin. Dito kasi kami magkakagrade. Kung maganda daw ang feedback at kung talagang productive ang booth namin, all of us will have a high grade for our term project.

“Oh no. Quiz booth? Boring. Dun tayo sa kabilang side, may mga pagames.” Dinig kong maarteng sabe ng isang estudyante.

“Try niyo po si quiz bee booth namin. It’s a good brain teaser po lalo na at malapit na ang exams. Para namin kayong tinulungan magreview.” Ani ng president namin na akala mo saleslady sa isang mall kung magupsell.

“Sus. Yang bobitang iyan? Tignan ko kung memasagot.” Bulong bulong ni Pierce habang inaayos ang pin ng nalaglag naming design sa may booth.

Taas ang kilay ni Clarisse at maarteng nakahalukipkip sa tapat ng booth. “Hmmm. I’m hungry na eh. Doon tayo sa mga food stalls.” Maarteng aya sabay hawi ng rebonded niyang buhok.

“Mayroon din kaming food stall. May waffles kami and milkshake. Sa may unahan lang ng Science dept. Try niyo!” Engganyo naman ni Andra sa isa naming booth kung saan nandun ang varsity sa section namin. Sabi ay dahil mga gwapo at basketball player, eh mas makakabenta sila.

“Sure! Naku tara na excited ako don sis.” Mabilis na sumangayon ang isang alipores ni Clarisse at maarte silang lumakad paalis ng pwesto namin.

“Bakla! Dun tayo sa may pagkain bilis! Lipat kami saglit dun te.” Paalam ni Pierce sa president.

“Why? May ginagawa tayo dito.” Pigil ko ng hilahin niya ako sa braso.

“Ha? Eh okay. Saglit lang kayo ha. Kaya naman na nila doon.” Sagot ng president namin.

“Go lang kami muna dito. Bili na nga din kayo ng hotdog bun dun. Gugutom ako eh.” Natatawang reklamo ni Rizza. Maging si Sammie ay ganun din.

“Asan si cuz? Bakla di mawawala ang prizes diyan. Sama ka dali. Dun tayo sa kabila.” Si Pierce at nangangati ang paa na umalis.

If Pierce is worried that I’ll be threatened if Clarisse will make a move on Amiel then he’s wrong. Wala akong pakialam actually kung magpapansin sila doon. I’m busy here anyway. Gusto ko ang ginagawa ko at mamayang hapon naman eh kami na ang nandoon.

Dahil nagkasundo na kumuha nga daw ng pagkain eh nagpatianod ako. Hindi daw iyon libre. Malulugi daw kami at walang pera na babalik kaya nangolekta ng bayad ang president at binigay sakin.

Well technically, we are making a fool out of ourselves. Nagambagan kami para sa food, ngayon babayaran din namin ang food na pinagambagan namin.

Kita ko ang alangan at makahulugang tingin ni Penelope ng lumabas siya sa may likod ng booth namin. Sila kasi ang nakaassign sa paglabas at tagabigay ng prizes sa students.

Kasama kong naglalakad si Sammie na sumama dahil gutom din habang Pierce ay nasa kabila ko at pinagmamadaling maglakad ang pinsan niya.

Lumiko kami sa may Science dept kung saan may tatlong food stalls ng mga tagastrand namin. Unang madadaanan ang samin tapos ang sumunod na dalawa ay sa may bandang dulo na. Sa kabilang department ang sa iba namang strand.

Agaw pansin si Jerico at Miko dahil may mga hawak na karatula.

“Bili na kayo samin mga beautiful ladies. May libreng kiss!” Nakangising tawag nito sa mga babaeng estudyante na tumitigil sa booth. What?

The fuck is going on here?

“Thank you Clarisse. Eto ang sukli.” Si Frank na tila kahera namin. Agad naman akong lumapit kay Kate.

“Kate. Pabili kami sampung hotdog with bun limang burger saka isang waffle. Tapos lemonade din. Eto oh.”

“Ay teka kulang to. Huy prito ka ulit hotdog.” Tawag nito kay Marlon na nagluluto naman ng burger patty.

“Pwede bang keep the change? San na yung free kiss?” Dinig kong sabi ni Clarisse sa pwesto nina Frank kaya nagkantyawan ang ibang lalakeng kaklase. Ang mga babae naman sa section namin ay nandito sa may table katabi ng frying pan na hiniram namin na naggagawa ng pagkaing niluluto ng ibang boys.

“Sure. Kanino mo ba gusto?” Malakas na tanong ni Miko. Ang mga hayop na ito. Nilalandi niyo ba ang mga estudyante para bumili?

Saglit ko silang tinapunan ng tingin. Si Frank ang nasa loob ng booth dahil siya ang tumatanggap ng bayad. Si Amiel ay nasa katabi niya pero nasa labas ng booth. Sina Jerico at Miko ang nasa harapan na tumatawag ng estudyante. Walanghiya. With free kiss pa nga ang nakalagay sa hawak karatula. Ngayon ko lang nabasa!

“Amiel baka pwede daw pakiss.” Tukso ng isang alipores ni Clarisse.

“Amputanginang malalanding to. Sinasabi ko na nga ba eh.” Si Pierce na gigil na gigil sa likod ko. Tumawa si Sammie.

“Ayos. Malaki ang babalik sating pera. Mukhang andami nating benta eh.” Natatawang gatong nito.

“Iyon naman pala. Oh pare you know what to do.” Si Miko na umakbay kay Amiel na naiiling.

“Uy sina Ria. Gutom na kayo?” Lingon samin ni Jerico ng nakiusyoso sa grupo nina Clarisse. Ngayon mo lang kami napansin?

Sabay naglingunan ang mga higad sa pwesto namin. Ganun din si Amiel. Agad kumalas sa akbay si Miko at nagpigil ng tawa. You jerk! Kinukunsinte mo! Sa tayo ni Amiel, kung nagaalok kayo ng free kiss, kanino? Tangina. Sakanya ang free kiss? Kaya asa labas siya ng booth?

Ngiting tagumpay ang tatlong higad. Agad akong binalot ng inis sa nakakalokong ngisi ni Clarisse. Tumaas pa ang kilay nito sakin.

“I’m hungry na kaya kakain na kami. Asan na yung free kiss?” Si Clarisse. Halatang pinapadinig sakin ang sinasabi.

“Oh no. Oo nga pala Ria no.” Si Sammie. Tahimik namang nagmamasid si Penelope sa tabi niya.

“Bon. Ikaw na dito. Pili kayo samin miss ma’am.” Si Miko.

“Hindi paba luto? Hotdog lang iyan.” Diko matago ang inis ng tinanong si Marlon na nagluluto. Humahaba din ang pila sa likod namin na mukhang engganyo din sa free kiss!

Tumawa naman to at nilagay sa may tray ni Kate ang bagong hangong hotdog at patty. “Kawawa naman kayo ginutom ba kayo don?Okay na. Kate eto oh.”

“Ay bakit? Bawal na kay Amiel?”

“Oh bro sayo daw talaga eh.”

“Kanino pwedeng magfree kiss? Oh my gosh ampopogi.” Pilit na tinatagong bulungan ng mga nakapilang estudyante sa likod. Puro naman palatak ang naririnig ko kay Pierce.

Agad akong dumiretso ng tingin at kinagat ang labi para pigilan ang emosyon ng nahagip na naningkayad si Clarisse at hinalikan si Amiel sa pisngi. This bitch.

Hiyawan ang sunod na narinig ko mula sa boys. Lalo namang naexcite ang mga nakasunod sa pila.

“Eto na. Mainit pa ha. Dito niyo sa taas hawakan.” Si Kate na inabot ang plastic ng binili naming hotdog sandwich. Tinulungan ako ni Pierce na magbuhat dahil tila naestatwa ako sa kinatatayuan at saglit na natulala. Si Sammie ang kumuha naman ng sumunod na supot. Nakay Penelope ang huli na may lamang burger.

“Thank you sa kiss. Pano ba iyan una na kami.”

“Balik kami mamaya? Unli kiss ba meron?”

Halos tumagos lang ang mga sinasabi ni Clarisse at ng mga kaibigan niya sa kabilang tenga ko. My mind seriously went blank. Kung di ako kinalabit ni Pierce ay di pa ko babalik sa reyalidad.

“Ikaw Miko ha. Bad ka. Bakit kayo nagpapakiss aber?” Sita nito kay Miko ng makaalis ang grupo nina Clarisse. Tahimik naman ang boys. Napakamot sa batok si Miko habang si Jerico eh patay malisyang pinapaypay ang hawak na karatula.

“Ewan ko sa mga yan. Dagdag benta daw. Nagwowork naman. Sayang din kasi kanina di napupuntahan ang booth eh.” Singit ni Kate.

“Sa pisngi lang naman. Bawal sa lips.” Dinig kong depensa ni Frank sa loob ng booth.

“Let’s go. Gutom nako.” Aya ko sa mga kasama. Si Sammie ayun kinakain na yung binili niyang waffle na nasa stick.

“Oy tulungan niyo. Andami non.” Ani Frank. Hindi oo naisip na bumili nga din pala kami ng inumin. Sino ang hahawak non.

Tinuon ko ang atensyon sa pagbitbit ng isang cup holder na may anim na basong lemonade.

“Tulungan ko na kayo.” Si Amiel na nasa gilid ko na.

“Thanks.” I said nonchalantly. Hindi na nakipagtalo pa dahil kelangan nga namin ng magbubuhat.

Mabilis akong umalis sa booth namin at nagmartsa paalis. Kita ko ang side eye ni Pierce sa nasa gilid ko. Nakayuko lang ang pinsan niya na naglalakad habang hawak ng dalawang kamay ang supot. Si Sammie palingon lingon na busy sa pagkain.

“Akin na iyang hawak mo.”

“Kaya ko na to.” Walang gana kong sagot. Mabilis umasim ang timpla ko na hindi ko manlang siya malingon. Deretso lang ang lakad ko kahit mabilis niya akong nasusundan dahil malaki ang mga hakbang niya.

“Hindi na. Akin na.” Sabi niya sabay hawak sa may kamay kong nakahawak sa cup holder.

“Fine. Suit yourself.” Halos padabog kong binigay ang cup holder na muntikan pang matapon ang laman. This is stupid.

Tahimik kaming naglalakad pabalik ng quiz bee booth. Mabilis na nagcheer ang mga kaklase ng matanaw kami sa malayo.

“Ayan na sila.” Si Rizza.

Nilapag namin sa bakanteng mesa ang mga supot ng pagkain kaya kanya kanyang puntahan sila para kunin ang inorder. Nakita kong inabutan ni Penelope ang president namin ng burger na abala padin sa pagtutok sa dalawang estudyanteng nagsasagot sa booth namin ngayon.

Amoy ko ang pabango ni Amiel ng humihip ang hangin dahil tumabi siya sakin at nilapag ang mga hawak na inumin at inalis sa cup holder.

Inabala ko ang sarili sa pagaabot ng inumin at pagkain. “Hotdog sayo Luigi no? Eto. Mainit pa ha.” Sabay abot ko sa harap ko. Agad nagtama ang kamay namin ng sinalo niya ang pagkain.

“Salamat.” We are casual to each other. After nung birthday ni Marlon, classmates padin ang turingan namin. Though talaga namang aloof siya.

Obvious na nagiingay si Pierce at chinichika si Sammie na masarap daw ang pagkain. Makakabenta daw kahit na wala namang ibang pakulo parinig niya.

“Anong binili mo?” Dinig kong tanong ng katabi ko habang abala ako ngayon sa pagtusok ng straw sa sariling inumin at umupo sa bakanteng upuan sa may gilid ng booth. Nakatayo padin siya sa tabi ko.

“Kumain ka muna.” Che! Ang harot mo! Iyon pala ang pinagkakaabalahan mo kanina ha!

I know I’m not jealous. I shouldn’t be. I won’t be petty. If I did, I just gave Clarisse the satisfaction of teasing me. Ang malanding iyon!

“Okay na kami Amiel. Balik kana doon. Baka kailangan nila ng tulong sa pagbebenta.” May diing sabi ni Pierce. Gusto kong umirap. Naiinis talaga ko.

“Dito na muna ko. Mainit din don dito malilim.” Sabi niya at kumuha ng isa pang bakanteng upuan at binaliktad niya sa tabi ko. Saka siya umupo at humalukipkip sa sandalan ng upuan.. tinitignan ako.

Kabanata 17

“Here. Eat first.” Inabot sakin ni Amiel ang binuksan niyang hotdog sandwich ko.

“Later.” Tipid kong sagot habang umiinom ng lemonade. Ngayon ko lang naramdaman ang sakit ng paa ko ng makaupo ako sa monoblock.

Mabuti at natapos na ang mga estudyanteng huling nagsagot sa booth namin kaya parang halos lahat kami siesta at nagmimiryenda.

Amiel snorted. “Eat, Ria. Kumakain din naman ang mga kasama mo.”

I saw Pierce trying hard to make face just to show his annoyance to the guy beside me. Gusto kong matawa sa arte ni bakla.

Dahil nga nagugutom na din ako kanina eh kinuha ko na ang hotdog kay Amiel at kinagatan iyon. Nalilibang kaming magsoundtrip habang wala pang sumusulpot ulit na mga estudyante sa booth namin. Tinanong ng class president namin kung hindi ba daw nagugutom si Amiel dahil siya lang ang walang inorder na pagkain pero umiling lang ito. Tahimik siya na nakaupo sa tabi ko.

Patapos na magmiryenda ang lahat ng nagsimulang daanan kami ulit ng mga estudyante.

“Yo bro! Dito pala booth niyo?” Agad tumayo si Amiel para salubungin ng bro fist ang isang basketball player ng STEM. Sa likod niya ang kanyang kagrupo.

“Huy. Tayo na kayo dali.” Senyas ng president namin. I took my last sip on my lemonade before getting our survey form para sa mga matatapos magsagot.

“I want to try this.” A familiar tall basketball player noted.

“You can do it. Try our booth po.” Pagcheer naman ni Sammie na halatang kinikilig sa mga players ng STEM.

“Anong premyo miss? May kiss din ba sa booth niyo?” Malokong tanong nung isa and the guys laughed in chorus.

“Tsk.” Dinig ko ang palatak ng lalaki sa likod ko.

“Ahm.. we have cute prizes po. Mga teddy bears and chocolates. At iba pa. Panghabol sa late niyong valentines date.” Hilaw na ngisi ng president namin.

“Sabihin mo ako pwede magkiss.” Natatawang bulong ni Pierce kay Rizza na humahagikgik din.

The guys played in our booth and really struggled to answer the questions. Damn.

“Last na. Go mga pogi! Para sa premyo!” Si Rizza.

“Ria dito ka. Ready mo na yung form.” I wanted to stand sa gilid pero mas pinalapit ako ni Pierce sa gitna. Lumapit nalang ako dahil nagbibigay din naman talaga kami ng survey. Para to sa grades.

“Ako na.” I almost rolled my eyes sa pagpepresinta nanaman nung isa.

I craned my neck lazily. “Ako na. You should go back to your booth. Sayang ang.. free kisses.”

I heard him muttered curses pero binalewala ko at ngumiti ako sa mga manlalaro. Out of five questions, tatlo ang nasagutan nila ng tama. Dalawa lang pala. Bonus lang iyong isa dahil malapit ang sagot at pumayag si Pierce nung nagmakaawa yung isang basketball player.

“Ano kaba! Dimo ba tanda iyang nasa gitna? Tinitignan ka. Si Clyde.” Hatak sakin ni Pierce at bumulong. Simpleng sinesenyas yung isang matangkad sa harap.

I took a quick glance at the guys playing in our booth. Iyong nasa gitna, nakatingin nga sakin habang nakangisi dahil sa biro ng kasama. Si Clyde nga, yung team captain sa STEM. I didn’t bother staring at their faces earlier kaya diko nakilala. I know this guy. He went up to me nung nagbar kami dati.

Aliw na aliw naman sila dun sa binigay na teddy bear ni Penelope. Hinagis hagis pa sa ere nung isang player.

“Here’s our survey form po. Pakirate naman ang booth namin and please provide feedback. Doon niyo po ihuhulog sa box kapag tapos na. Thanks.” Inabot ko ang anim na pirasong form dun sa player na nakabrofist ni Amiel at siya naman ang nagpasa sa mga kasama niya.

“Syempre I’ll give you five stars rating.” Clyde said in a low voice but it didn’t escape my ear. Tumawa pa iyong isang kasama niya at tinapik siya sa balikat.

Agad naman akong bumalik sa pwesto ko at nadatnan ang busangot na mukha ni Amiel. What’s with the mood? Miss mo agad ang free kiss? Why don’t you go back there then?

“Baka pwede din po kayong makuhanan ng picture? For our output po kasi.” Si class president na agad naman sinangayunan ng mga lalaki.

Pumwesto sila sa bukana ng booth so we have to give way. Luigi took a photo of the players and nagrequest pa si pres ng isa pa na kasama naman daw kami sa booth.

Tumabi nalang ako kay Pierce na nasa gilid nung isang sinisipat niyang lalaki. Amiel immediately went to my other side for a click.

“Pwede din po ba magpapicture sa inyo?” Tanong nung isang player.

Pumayag din naman sila at kanya kanya ng labas ng cellphone.

“Hey. Can I take a picture with you?” Clyde approached me with his boyish grin.

“De Guzman.” Amiel called him pero nakangiti padin saking nakadungaw si Clyde.

“Go na sis!” Pierce mouthed at sumenyas pa sa may likod ni Clyde.

“Uhh.. sure. Thanks for coming by our booth.”

“Go te! Pose!” Si Pierce na siya ngayon ang may hawak ng dslr.

“My.. pleasure.” I can see Clyde on my peripheral clicking his neck and smiled widely sa camera. Nagsmile din ako. Ang mga kateam niya sa harap ay kanya kanyang kuha samin sa sariling cellphone.

“Okay na. Alis na.” Parinig ni Amiel. Clyde only chuckled and bid his thanks for the picture. Umalis din ang grupo nila kalaunan. May pahabol pang nakakalokong ngisi si Clyde sa nasa likod ko. I sighed.

“Ampogi! Tignan mo may picture ako dun kay Bryan. Inaya ko nga sila pumunta ng food stall natin mamayang hapon!” Si Pierce na malanding pinapakita ang cellphone sa mga kasama namin.

Our adviser visited our booth at sinabing pwede naman kaming maglunch. Pero dahil nga may napunta pading estudyante, nagpabili nalang ulit kami ng pagkain at sa likod ng booth nananghalian.

We ordered outside the campus and dineliver ng food panda rider. Sina Luigi ang nagpick up sa gate.

Lunchtime ng napabalik si Amiel sa food booth namin dahil napagsabihan ng pres namin about sa booth assignment. Mamaya naman daw hapon eh nandito na siya ng mga kateam niya at ibang kasama. Kakain nadin daw siya pero sinabi niyang magsabay kami ng grupo niya. I told him na huwag na at magfocus na doon sa booth. Dito lang din naman kami kakain.

Mga alauna pasado ng magsabi ang president namin na lumipat kami sa kabila. On our way there eh parang bubuyog si Pierce na kung ano ano ang binubulong.

“Gumanti ka. May naisip ako. Ako ang bahala. Iyang kapal ng Amiel na iyan.” Aniya. I just shrugged. I don’t want to argue about it. Hindi naman kami. Bahala siyang humalik ng humalik doon basta huwag akong pepestehin ng mga babae niya. Desperate needy bitches.

“May upuan ba don? Sakit ng paa ko dito eh.” Reklamo ni Kate ng makarating kami sa booth.

“Sa loob ako ng booth ah. Mainit eh.” Natatawang suwestiyon ni Frank.

“Oh siya bahala kayo. Basta ayusan niyo don ah. Yung form siguraduhin niyong naffillout ng mga estudyante at nandun ang grades natin!”

“Bro tara na.” Aya ni Miko kay Amiel.

I stared at Amiel while he stares back at me. Sumunod ito kay Miko na umiiling. What’s your problem?

Dahil mahiyain at mga patpatin ang boys na nasamin eh sila nalang ang tinalagang magluto ni pres at kaming girls ang kahera at tagaahikayat ng magmimiryenda.

“Okay magaling ba kayong magbenta?” Natatawang Sammie. Umiling ang iba. Magiisang oras na kasi at mas umiinit kaya walang nadaan sa booth namin. Kanya kanya kaming labas ng payong dahil wala kaming sisilungan sa side na to.

“Pwes. Kelangan din natin ng pakulo.” Ngising demonyo si Pierce na winagayway ang sinusulatan niyang papel kanina.

At Diyos ko, ‘Free Kiss’ din ang nakalagay. Halo ang ngiwi at kantyaw ng mga kasama namin sa booth.

“Ay! Ayoko iyan! Palitan mo Pierce!” Si pres.

“Huwag nga kayong KJ! Sa pisngi lang gaya nung boys! Tinamo sila andaming benta!”

“Pag ikaw ang magkikiss bakla, wala talagang bibili!” Kantyaw ni Sammie. Halos hagarin siya ni Pierce ng sampal.

“I think pwede nating ibahin. Like free hug nalang? Mas wholesome at walang malisya.” I literally rolled my eyes after hearing Penelope’s annoying innocent-like voice.

“Uhuh. Parang wala namang malisya sayo ang kiss? Don’t you think?” Diko mapigilang bara habang nakahalukipkip.

Wala lang atang nakapansin ng komento ko kaya walang nagreact.

“Ah basta! Palitan niyo kung gusto niyo. Ano bang maganda?” Si Pierce na hinahapo pa.

“Okay ako sa free hug. Pero pag pogi ang bibili kiss ang ibibigay ko.” Si Rizza na humahagikgik.

We have three bond papers with ‘Free hug’ written on them. Si Rizza ang may hawak ng isa, si Penelope at ako naman sa iba. Si Pierce ang kahera namin.

Only then we start attracting students who will buy to our food stall kahit na medyo mainit ang pwesto namin. Isa pa sa gusto ni Pierce eh kung sino daw ang bibili ay payungan namin para hindi mainitan. Pagkatapos bumili, saka naman ang free hug na sinasabi ng bond paper namin. Mapababae o lalaki niyayakap na namin nina Rizza at Penelope. Minsan nakikiyakap din si Sammie. Pati kami mismo natatawa sa pakulo. Pwede naman daw sina Luigi ang yumakap sa mga babaeng estudyante sabe ni pres kaso lang itong boys namin ang may ayaw. Mahiyain.

“Uy. Legit nga yung free hug bro.”

A group of guys came by our booth. Clyde’s group from earlier. Nagaaya iyong isang kasama nila dun sa lilim na food stall pero dito sila tumigil.

“Teka papayungan ko.” Si Rizza na excited sa mga bagong bibili. Agad itong lumapit at naningkayad para payungan ang isang player at inayang bumili. Hindi tuloy sila nakalipat sa kabilang booth.

“So you’re giving free hugs, huh?” Si Clyde na nakapamulsa sa harap ko.

I pursed my lips. Bahagya ko siyang tiningala dahil halos kasing taas niya si Amiel. “Yeah. Pakulo lang ng section namin.” Kibit balikat ko. I don’t even know why this guy is talking to me but I don’t want to be rude to our customers. Baka lalong walang bumili!

“Bili kana papa Clyde! May free hug ka!” Si Pierce. That Clyde chuckled at that.

“Of course. Ano bang tinda niyo?”

Nagpaluto sila ng burger at fries. Sa kabila nalang daw bibili ng drinks ang iba dahil mas gusto ng kateam nila yung milkshake. Si Clyde, samin bumili ng lemonade.

Nagkahiyaan pa nung una pero game din namang nakiyakap ang mga kaklase ko. I figured we are not giving free hugs. With how my classmates see it, we are the ones getting free hugs from the basketball team of STEM.

“Can I get my free hug now?” Napailing nalang ako at di mapigilang mangiti dahil nakakatawa ang mga kateam niyang nagkakantyaw kay Clyde.

“Baka may free kiss din miss. Para sulit yung bayad!” Hirit nung isa.

“Free hug lang ang binibigay ko eh.” These guys are flirty alright. Literal na players. I’m not attracted. Diko nga alam bakit crush na crush ko si Amiel kahit wala siyang pinagiba sa mga to.

Clyde was the one who pulled me for a wholesome hug. It took seconds before he let me go, still all smiles while his teammates cheered behind him. May mga kumukuha pa ng pictures namin.

It was really a tiring day. Sobrang sakit ng paa ko at feeling ko ampula ng balat ko sa init kahit na nakapayong naman kami kanina.

“Let’s talk.” Si Amiel nung nasa parking na kami at uwian na.

“Ahm… una na kami baks. Ingat ka pauwi!” Si Pierce. Kita ko pa ang habol na tingin ni Penelope bago sumakay ng SUV nila.

“What is it?” I turned to Amiel. Matt is a few meters behind me, naghihintay na pumunta kami sa sasakyan ko.

Kita kong tumagos sa likuran ko ang tingin ni Amiel bago yun muling bumaba sakin. “Can we go to my car, please?”

I sighed. Tired and annoyed. “I’m tired, Amiel. Is it really important? Di ba pwedeng sa chat-”

“I want… to talk to you.. about earlier.” He said breathily.. nakayuko at di na makatingin.

I tilted my head and closed my eyes. Hindi naman pala importante. “It’s fine. Forget about it-”

“Let’s talk, Ria. In my car. Now.”

I rolled my eyes and turned to Matt. Agad naman iyong umayos ng tayo. “We’ll leave shortly.” Tumango ito.

“Are you.. mad at me?” Nang nasa sasakyan na. Seriously?

“What do you think?”

Dinig ko ang singhap niya. “It’s just.. friendly kisses. Hindi ako ang pasimuno noon. Sa pisngi lang.. lahat.” Hirap niyang paliwanag. Like it does makes sense.

“You don’t have to explain. I know your nature and-”

“What is my nature, then? Huh?” From staring at the steering wheel, he turned to me snappily, with fire in his eyes.

I swallowed. “Well.. you with girls. So hindi naman dapat ako nagiisip pa about-”

“I’m.. I’m…” pinilig ko ang mukha para makita ang reaksyon niya, naghihintay ng kasunod na sasabihin.

He let out a cold sigh. “I’m.. sorry. I don’t.. know how to.. do this.. it’s my first time and if you got offended.. I’m sorry.”

My lips parted in awe as I feel like he is sincere when apologizing. Ano ba nga naman ang aasahan ko sa playboy na si Amiel?

We’ve been dating for quite some time. Magkasama din sa school. It’s for us to nurture our relationship, he says. Pero hanggang ngayon.. wala namang nangyayari. Dating lang. Hindi niya sinabing liligawan niya ako.

Not sure if he is serious about this, but what if pressured lang siya ni tita Elisse just to be with me? Anong gagawin ko doon?

For years my admiration to this guy have grown to me. I dreamt of marrying him one day, dahil iyon din ang sinabi sakin. But now, my mind and my heart are at war… with my decisions quite recently.

He sighed. “I’m an asshole yes. I’m.. trying to change.. but I guess I unknowingly still do.. stupid things. I’m sorry, Ria.”

I exhaled audibly. “Don’t think about it. We’re just dating. That’s our agreement. We never talked about you courting me nor I’m your girlfriend. Let’s not bother ourselves about it.” Oh! Confident ako diyan. Deserve!

“Do.. you want to be.. my girlfriend?”

Shit.

My heart starts pounding when he turned to me with sleepy eyes. Nalunok ko ata ang dila ko at di ako makasagot.

I tried to breathe slowly pero nahihirapan ako dahil sa nagwawala kong puso.

“What.. did.. you say?” I struggled to ask and he didn’t respond.

“Do.. you want me.. as your girlfriend?” And suddenly all my hopes are up. Damn!

I took him a while before speaking up kaya halos bumagsak na ang balikat ko. “I don’t know.. hindi ko alam..”

I bit my lip and took a deep breath. Bumagsak ang mga mata ko sa pinaglalaruang daliri.

Right.

“I don’t know.. how to treat you.. we’ve been dating.. ginagawa natin ang mga dating ginawa ko na.. except for making out of course.. but other than that.. hindi ko alam. I don’t know.. how to handle this..”

Maingat ko siyang nilingon. I somehow feel for him. Kita ko ang lito sa kanya. It’s not easy you know. To be with a transwoman. This kind of relationship is not normal. Slowly tolerated, but not fully accepted to this day. Maaaring supportive lang samin ang tropa niya.. but I don’t know what they are saying behind my back, yeah? O kung ano ang sinasabi nila kay Amiel.

“Do.. you still want to.. do this?” Muli kong subok na magtanong. Parang akong nalulusaw at bumibigat ang dibdib ko. Not sure if it’s excitement or fear.

Nanatili lang ang mapupungay niyang mata at di nakasagot sa tanong ko. I swallowed hard dahil parang nagbabara ang lalamunan ko.

“Do.. you still want.. to date me?” My eyes are hurting. I feel like I’ll have to hold my tears back kung sakaling ayaw niya. At the same time.. I feel like my system would calm down if he really don’t want to date me anymore.

I don’t know.. something’s changed. I’m confused.

“Yes. I want to. Yes.”

My lips slowly curved for a smile. Para akong nakahinga ng maluwag. Ewan ko. Nalilito na ata talaga ako.

“Then we will continue dating. And about your question.. yes. Yes, Amiel. I want to be your girlfriend.” His face brightened up with what I said.

“But I won’t be easy for you. I will not be like your other girls. May hung ups pa nga sayo ang mga iyon. Thank God I was not involved in any cat fights yet. Pero parang dun na papunta sa mga desperada mong ex.”

Agad umasim ang mukha niya. “I’m sorry. Don’t mind them. Kapag inaway ka, sabihin mo sakin.”

Napalabi ako. “Alright.” As if may magagawa ka para kontrolin ang mga babae mo. Eh kanina nga hinalikan mo si Clarisse!

“So.. you’re my girlfriend?” He asked.. now with a smirk. Napailing ako.

“Not yet. Dating lang ang usapan ah? Nanliligaw ka pala?” Hamon ko.

Natawa siya. “Kelangan paba iyon? We’ve been dating. We should be together now.” Tignan mo ang kapal ng lalaking to.

Memories flashed on my mind immediately. How his brother wants to court me. And asked for us to date when he’s back home. Agad akong napailing. Stupid mind!

I smirked and shook my head. “Then no. Not yet. I’m good with dating tho.”

He stared at me intently.. like a puzzle he wants to solve. “Alright. You bet, love. Di na natin need ng ligawan. Just say the word.. and you’ll be my girlfriend.” Gusto ko siyang sapakin sa yabang niya.

“I’m going home. Ingat sa pagdrive.”

He leaned on me and I was shocked kaya di ako nakareact agad. He stole a quick kiss from me. On the lips. It’s my second kiss!

“Bye. Ingat ka.” He winked at me.

Laglag padin ang panga, lumabas ako ng sasakyan niya at dumiretso na ng sasakyan ko.

Amiel.. kissed me.. for the second time.. pero imbes na matuwa.. guilt ang naramdaman ko.

I don’t know.. I just felt.. guilty that I’m kissing him.. ugh!

Padilim na ng makauwi ako ng bahay. Sinalubong ako ng bati galing sa isang kasambahay.

“Is dad home?” I asked at patuloy sa paglakad.

“Nasa study po ma’am. Kausap si nanay Lupe.”

Iniwan ko ang kasambahay at dumiretso sa study room. My brows immediately furrowed when I saw one of our uniformed househelpers.. eavesdropping.

Kunwari ay nagpupunas ng vase.. pero nakasilip sa study.

“What are you doing?” I stopped and asked her. This girl.

Bakas ang gulat sa mukha niya. Agad itong yumuko at nagpaalam. Napailing ako.

This one is new. Hindi pamilyar ang mukha. Kung hindi pinagchichismisan ako.. nakikichismis naman ngayon kay dad. Ano bang ugali meron ang mga kasambahay namin?

Curious, I took a peek at the slightly opened door of our study. Ano ang gustong pakinggan nung babaeng iyon dito?

Gusto ko sanang buksan na pero narinig ko si manang Lupe.

Siguro may kasalanan to at isusumbong? Hah! Deserve!

“Hindi ko na kasi masisiguro sir eh. Ang dami ng bago. Yung iba sabi mga tagaprobinsya at gusto makipagsapalaran dito. Gusto mo bang kausapin ko sila ulit?” Dinig kong sabi ng matanda.

“No. I don’t want to alert them. They might suspect that we know something. It might compromise her safety.” I heard dad’s low voice.

Her safety? Sino? Is something wrong?

“Ma’am-”

“Be quiet!” I hissed at Matthew na nakadungaw din sa likod ko. Parang tanga. Baka marinig kami!

I heard someone sighed. “Anong gagawin natin sir kung ganon?” Si manang.

“Just keep an eye on everyone and report to me immediately if you see something strange. I won’t let them take her.” Si dad sa mahinang boses.

I don’t understand. Gusto ko pang lumapit kaya lang naitulak ko na pala ang pinto. Halos manlaki ang mata ko ng sabay na lumingon sakin si daddy at si manang Lupe.

Tarantang napasinghap si manang. I tried to act normal na parang kadadating ko lang.

I forced a smile kahit na pinapanood ako ni dad. “I’m home. You’re early? What are you guys talking about?” Kunwaring usisa ko.

Nilingon ni manang si daddy at tumango naman ang huli. “Please prepare our dinner manang.”

“Sige ho sir. Magandang gabi anak. May gusto kaba sa hapunan?” Yumuko si manang kay dad bago bumaling sakin. Agad naman akong umiling.

“I’ll eat whatever’s available.” Tumango ito at nagkukumahog na umalis. Sinundan ko pa siya ng tingin ng tinawag ako ni dad.

“Ginabi ka. How’s your school fair?” He walked to me and kissed me on my forehead.

“It was fun. But tiring. Ang sakit ng paa ko.” I pouted that made him chuckle.

“Let’s have our dinner then. Para makapagpahinga kana.” I smiled at him. He seem fine. I wonder what’s bothering him. I didn’t have the strength to ask. Baka pagalitan pa ako at sabihing nakikinig ng usapan ng iba.

My body thanked me for soaking myself in a hot tub for almost thirty minutes. The scent of my bath bomb is so relaxing. Kahit papano ay nawala ang sakit ng katawan ko.

“Bakla! Gising kaba?” Kita kong chat ni Pierce. May chat din doon si Amiel.

“Yup. Nakahiga lang. Why?”

Biglang nagring ang phone ko sa incoming video call ni Pierce. What’s up?

“Anong meron?”

Kita ko ang seryoso niyang mukha. Bumuntong hininga ito. “May gusto lang akong malaman.”

My brow immediately arched. “And?”

Nakatitig lang ito sa screen bago muling bumuntong hininga. Gumulong pa siya at dumapa sa kama.

“Matagal ko na kasing napapansin. Actually last year pa. Walang nagsasabi sakin. Parang wala lang kayo pero ramdam kong may iba talaga.”

Shit. Is he talking about…

“I know you. Talaga namang maldita ka. But we’re your friends. Pero pansin ko kasi.. napapansin ko talaga…”

He groaned and even pulled some strands of his hair. Meanwhile, my heart starts beating fast. I’m nervous.

What is he talking about? I have an idea but.. it might be something else?

“What is it?” I tried to keep my voice from being strained.

He let out another sigh. “Gusto ko lang malaman, kung nagaway ba kayo ni Penelope?”

Shoot.

My lips parted as I tried to respond but I remained silent. Naikom ko din ang bibig.

“Sa totoo lang, hindi niya alam to. Talagang gusto ko lang makumpirma. Napapansin ko kasi na parang iwas kayo sa isat isa. Di kayo naguusap nga eh. Kahit sakin medyo tipid kana sumagot. At kanina..”

Kanina? What about kanina?

“Binara mo siya. Hindi napansin ng iba pero narinig ko. Kaya gusto kong maniwala na tama ang hinala ko. Magkaaway kayo ng pinsan ko Ria?”

Gusto kong tampalin ang noo. Narinig niya pala.

“Hindi sa kinakampihan ko ang pinsan ko. Dahil kaibigan kita bakla. Kahit na minsan attitude ka. Kaibigan mo ako. Kami. Kaya gusto kong malaman… anong pinagawayan niyo?”

I’m biting my lip so harshly while I’m watching Pierce on my screen. Matagal na katahimikan ang bumalot samin ng bumuntong hininga ako at nagsimulang magkwento. About sa bar.. kay Penelope at Amiel… hanggang sa confrontation namin noong birthday ni Marlon.

“Tangina? Totoo ba iyan te?” Lukot ang mukha ni Pierce ng matapos akong magkwento.

“Yup. You should ask her. To be honest, I’m having speculations that you know about this. Since-”

“Pota hinde no! Tanginang Penelope yun anlandi! Wala siyang sinasabi saking ganyan!” Angil naman nito at napakamot pa ng ulo.

I sighed. I guess it’s a relief. Na totoong kaibigan ko si Pierce. That he didn’t conspire with his cousin about her nasty moves towards Amiel.

“I’m just trying to be civil about it. Good thing your snake of a cousin is sport. Talagang magaling magtago ng baho.” I laughed without humor. Not minding that I might offend Pierce.

Malungkot naman itong tumingin sa camera at bumuntong hininga. “Now I know. Kaya pala. Kaya pala parang iwas ka. Sa classroom ayaw mo kaming katabi. I’m so sorry baks. Hindi ko alam to.”

I smiled sadly. “That’s fine. Kalimutan na natin-”

“Anong kalimutan? Kakalbuhin ko siya sa Sabado leche siya! Isusumbong ko siya kay tita. Tanginang iyon pakangkang pala kala mo kung sinong madre. At alam niyang gusto mo si Amiel!”

I chuckled. “Stupid! Don’t you get it? Your cousin likes Amiel. Probably why she has that motive. Who knows kung kelan niya pa balak iyan.”

He looked like I knocked out some sense in him kaya mas lalo siyang nairita. Natawa nalang ako. Muli siyang humingi ng dispensa.

“So anong plano mo?”

“Hmm. I’ll still try to be civil with her. I’m sorry about earlier.”

“Naku yaan mo siya. Ang sabi ko hindi ko siya kakampihan. Abay lalo na ngayon! Wala akong papanigan sainyo ha pero gusto kong malaman mo na para sakin.. mali ang ginawa niya.”

That melted my heart. My eyes immediately watered. “Thank you.. and.. I’m.. sorry. I really thought.. you knew about this all along.. that’s why it’s a blessing in disguise that Amiel wanted us to date.. para di ako naawkward na kasama kayo.. I even plan on taking college somewhere else just so I can be far from you guys.” Hindi ko mapigilang amin na agad niyang kinontra.

“No! Sa SVU tayo please? Hindi ko naman talaga siya maiiwan dahil pinsan ko siya.. pero kaibigan din kita at gusto kong sabihan mo ako kung di ka komportable.. at hahayaan ko munang magisa ang isang iyon.”

Tumango naman ako at ngumiti. It somehow gave me peace. After carrying this burden for awhile now. Para akong nabunutan ng tinik dahil hindi ko na kinikimkim ang sama ng loob na to.

“Friends parin tayo. Sorry kung wala akong alam pero sana sa susunod huwag kang mahihiyang magsabi sakin. Bihira lang ako magkaron ng friend na mayaman at nanlilibre no! Pagtyatyagaan ko lang talaga ang ugali mo pero atlis gwapo naman ang daddy mo.” Natatawang sabi nito.

“Fuck you! And you said you are my friend ng lagay na iyan ah?”

Mas lalo siyang natawa. “Oo nga! Ito naman!”

Pinatay ko na din ang tawag ilang saglit pa. Nangako naman si Pierce na hindi kokomprontahin ang pinsan sa nalaman niya. I just really want to be civil and forget about it. Pero sinabi ko din kay Pierce na baka diko na mabalik sa dati pa ang turing ko sa pinsan niya. He’s okay with it so I guess everything should be fine.

Tomorrow came at pansin ko ang pagbabago sa turing ni Pierce kay Penelope. Para bang may laman ang mga mura nito. Well, palamura naman talaga siya.

I shouldn’t but I kinda feel bad dahil mukhang magkakalamat pa ang relasyon ng magpinsan dahil sakin. Well. It’s not my fault. It’s Penelope’s. And Amiel’s.

In two months ay patuloy lang ang senior high school life ko. Magkaibigan padin kami ni Pierce and I asked him to still bring his cousin kung ano man ang ganap namin. Kahit bitch siya, ayoko namang para siyang pinagtutulungan at pati ang pinsan niya mawala sakanya. Kaya ko naman lamutakin ang mukha niya magisa kung talagang inis ako sakanya. I can’t help but smile devilishly kapag naiisip ko iyon at tinatawanan lang ni Pierce.

Amiel and I are still dating. He’s not courting me but he said bibigay din naman daw ako at ako pa ang magsasabi na maging girlfriend na niya. I can’t with this guy. I enjoy his company, yes, but I guess I kind of want to experience courtship. Old-fashioned yes.

I sometimes wonder what could have happened kung hindi ko pinatigil manligaw si Anton. Ano na kaya kami ngayon?

We still don’t communicate. Wala akong balita sakanya pero minsan nakikita ko ang tagged photos niya sa mga conference. At kung minsan mga pictures sa site na nakasafety jacket at hat siya.

Halos mabaliw kaming lahat ng magtake kami ng finals at awa naman ng diyos ay buong section kami nakapasa. Tuwang tuwa ang daddy ng matapos ang examination week at sinabi kong maayos ang mga marka ko.

We processed our clearance and had our graduation pictures taken shortly after. Our preparation and practice for graduation ceremony took a week long but it’s all worth it. Tama si Pierce. Medyo sad at magkakahiwalay kami pero marami padin samin ang magkacollege dito sa San Vicente. Magkakatalo lang talaga sa kursong kukunin.

“Rein Arian S. Montecarlo.” Our class adviser called my biological name ng sunod sunod kaming tinatawag na umakyat sa stage para kunin ang diploma.

I didn’t graduate with honors. Ito lang ang kinaya ko. I’m not an achiever like mommy, pero at least proud padin sakin si daddy.

Tears are pooling on the side of my eyes. When I took my diploma and shook the hand of our teachers and guidance counselors.

“Okay tingin po sa harap para sa picture.” Paggiya ng adviser ko.

Dad and I posed for a click. We also have Matt and tito Raymond who took our pictures sa baba ng stage.

Dad’s eyes are now bloodshot when he turned to me for a tight hug. “Congratulations, princess. I’m so proud of you. Your mom and I.. are so proud of you.”

My lips curled and I sniffed to hold back my tears. “Thank you, daddy.”

We went back to our respective seats. May mga speech pa at ibang parangal. Our ceremony ended shortly. Hiyawan ang madidinig sa stadium ng hinagis naming lahat ang toga namin sa ere. We are crying, yes, but its tears of joy. There are ups and downs, but I still enjoyed my high school life. College is next!

Walang katapusang pictures ng isa isa na kaming magpaalam. I went to dad na kasama ni tito. Agad ding lumapit sina tita Elisse at tito Amer.. with…

Napako ako sa kinatatayuan at nanibago. With his usual white dress shirt that is folded up to his elbows, black slacks and shiny leather shoes. Hair is brushed upwards and with his days old stubble, he looked even more manly and mature. Mas hapit din sakanya ngayon ang dress shirt niya. Nakapamulsa lang itong pinapanood kami.

“Congrats, Ria! Naku let’s have our dinner together please? We have reservations at our hotel. What do you think, Rico?”

Amiel went to his father for a manly hug. He kissed his mother’s cheek too. Habang ako pabalik balik ang tingin sa lalaking nasa likuran nila.

“Congrats, brother.” I heard his familiar deep voice. Antagal kong hindi narinig iyon. Agad nagrambulan ang mga paruparo sa sikmura ko.

“Thanks, kuya. Welcome home.” I heard Amiel greeted his brother.

“Do you want that?” Dad rubbed my back and I looked up to him.

I blinked and cleared my throat. Binalik ang tingin kay tita Elisse na naghihintay ng sagot pero tumatagos padin ang tingin ko sa likuran nila.

Now I’m suddenly tense. I can feel my chest rising aggressively.

“Ahm.. okay.. okay lang po.”

Tita Elisse smiled at me. “Alright. We’ll join you.” Si daddy.

“Congratulations to the both of you.” Si tito Raymond sakin at kay Amiel. “Magkacollege kana. Akalain mo iyon?” Panunuya ni tito na kinairap ko.

“Thank you huh.” I snorted and he chuckled.

Pinilit kong magfocus kay tito Raymond na inaasar ako about my college life para lang di siya lingunin. Dad on the other hand is occupied with the principal and a major shareholder na nilapitan kami para magpasalamat sa pagdalo niya.

“Anton. You sure you don’t want to join us? It’s for your brother. Sasama sina Ria. It’s their graduation day!” I heard tita Elisse.

Diko natiis at pinagbigyan ko ang sarili na muling lumingon sa gawi nila. Kung saan agad nagtama ang tingin namin ni Anton.

Kabanata 18

Tito Raymond was encouraged by tita Athena to join us dahil hindi niya ako masasamahan for my graduation because of a prior scheduled commitment. Babawi nalang daw siya sakin. Kaming tatlo nina daddy din ang sumama kayna tita Elisse sa hotel nila for dinner.

“I want to treat you tonight, but I also want you to enjoy and celebrate with more people.” Si dad na nagmamaneho ng Maserati namin. Nakaconvoy samin sina tito Raymond at si Matt kasama ang ibang bodyguards.

“I’m fine with just us, daddy. Pero.. okay din nga.. kung may iba po tayong kasama.” That’s the truth. I will always enjoy moments with my dad. He’s my family. Pero siguro kaya mas ginugusto namin na madami tuwing nagcecelebrate ng importanteng okasyon.. ay para di kami ganung malungkot kasi di namin kasama si mommy.

We arrived at the Manzano Luxe Hotel. Tita Elisse’s maiden name was Manzano and it was established by her grandparents if I’m not mistaken. They have branches nationwide. Binigay ni dad ang susi sa valet ang giniya akong pumasok. Ganun din si tito Raymond na kasunod namin. Lobby attendants are already waiting for us and escorted us to the private room in one of the hotel’s function hall for our dinner.

Nandun na sina tita Elisse na sinalubong kami pagkapasok ng double doors. Pagkapasok ay kita na ang malaking round table na nakasetup sa gitna ng private room para samin. The food were already served at the table. We also have waiters in the room with us to serve our food and drinks na nasa gilid.

“Come! Thank you for letting us host the dinner tonight. Halika kumain na tayo.” Si tita Elisse na giniya kami sa malaking bilog na mesa.

I sit beside daddy and beside him is tito Raymond. Sa kaliwa ko ay si tita Elisse with tito Amer on her left, katapat namin.. ang magkapatid.

“I’m so happy you went home, anak.” Si tita Elisse na kasabay kong kumuha ng serving ng pagkain. The men though were waiting for us. Kinda awkward how they are all silent.

“Hah! Must be another homesickness, eh?” Si tito Raymond.

This old man! I watched tita Elisse and tito Amer’s reaction towards his offensive remark. They didn’t seem to mind. Wala namang masama kung uuwi paminsan minsan ah? This is a special occasion for his brother! I think it’s a valid reason to go home.

Why am I defending him, anyway? Ugh!

I looked in front where Anton’s eyes are locked at me, as if waiting for me to look back. “May.. gagawin lang tito. I just took a short break.” He said ng hindi inaalis ang tingin sakin. I heard tito Raymond chuckled.

“Hmm. I wonder what is it that seems so important. Makes me remember the good old days. Right, kuya?”

Saglit kong nilingon si daddy na ngayon ay sinasali ni tito sa usapan. Dad is just sporting his poker face and staring up front, his forehead creased and he’s grunting. I turned to see what he might be looking at pero si Amiel at Anton lang naman ang nasa tapat namin sa bilog na mesa. Amiel, looking bored at the topic and started eating after getting his own share of food. Anton, on the other hand, ay bahagyang nakayuko sa plato pero ang mata ay nakatingin padin sakin.

I swear my hands are sweating due to nervousness. My insides are in chaos at bumibilis ang kabog ng dibdib ko.

Napakurap ako sa nakita at muling binalingan si dad na ngayon ay nakababa na sakin ang tingin. Giving me his most scrutinizing side-eye. What?

“The business is doing fine, son. Surely I won’t disturb you from your project.” Natatawang sali ni tito Amer sa usapan.

“Must be a girl, then?” Si tito Raymond.. na ayaw tigilan si Anton. I remember kinausap niya ito last year noong umuwi ng new year. How cruel of a leader are you to not be considerate!

“Eat, Reina.” I heard dad whispered menacingly. I cleared my throat and starting eating.

“I don’t think so. You have a girlfriend Anton? I didn’t know. Who is she?” Si tita Elisse na hindi ko mahuli ang reaksyon.

Tinuon ko lang ang atensyon ko sa plato ko when I heard someone sighed on our table. “Wala po mama.”

Kinuha ko ang goblet para uminom ng tubig at muli kong namataan ang paninitig ni Anton as if he is recognizing the corners of my face. His gaze also went down to my arm resting on the table. Agad akong naconscious at tinago ang kanang kamay na suot ang bracelet ni Amiel.

What’s your problem?

“Umuwi lang saglit tito. No need to worry for I will still oversee the progress virtually. Hands on padin ako sa gusto ni Mr. Martinez hanggang pagbalik ko.”

Until when? Libo libong bultahe ang nabuhay ngayon sa sistema ko. This is bad. Am I looking forward to it? Or am I excited? Why the adrenaline for?

“What do you think kuya?” Si tito Raymond in his playful tone.

I bit my lip as I waited for dad to answer. I feel like these brothers are being hard on Anton. Is there something wrong? Parang ang big deal naman ng paguwi niya because of our graduation.

Suminghap ang daddy. “Very well. As long as the project will be a success then there is no problem.. with how you handle it.”

“Thank you! That’s good anak. I’m so proud of you.” Si tita Elisse na tuwang tuwa naman sa narinig at si tito Amer naman na tumatango lang.

Tuloy kami sa pagkain at nadivert sa ibat ibang topic ang bawat isa. The older men are talking about business and investments. Sometimes the brothers in front of me are being asked about their opinions. Habang kami naman ni tita Elisse ang magkausap.

“Your mom must be so proud of you hija. Are you excited? Ilang buwan nalang ay college kana.” Aniya at hinagod ang braso ko.

I genuinely smiled. I must say that I’m really both scared and excited. My decision still stands, I’m planning to live alone. Gusto ko matry magdorm kagaya ni mommy. It will teach me independence.

“I know right. I can’t wait! I’ll buy new clothes and shoes for school. I’m also planning on.. moving out.” My voice almost fade out. Siguro dahil katabi ko si daddy.

Bahagyang nanlaki ang mata ni tita Elisse. “Really? Oh my that’s good! You will be independent because of that. You know, I stayed in my condo when I was in college. Your mom too, she had a dorm near SVU. It’s also near the coffee shop she worked with before.”

This is why I like talking to tita Elisse because it always makes me relive mommy’s memories from her. Kung ano ang mga ginagawa ni mommy noon.

Well, I don’t think I can work as a server let alone work for that matter. Surely dad will disagree. Besides, gusto ko magmodeling. If I were to work, yun ang gusto ko. Small gigs that won’t affect my schedule at school.

“Wait. Amiel anak. You mentioned you also plan to move out hindi ba? Alam mo bang balak magdorm ni Ria? I think we can find units for you guys so you can stay in one tower!”

Except for this. May pagkamatabil ang dila ni tita. Sa sobrang kadaldalan, ang mga hindi dapat nasheshare ay laging naibubulalas. Shit!

I glanced at Amiel who is texting but looked at us when his mother called him. Anton though, seems attentive.. dahil nagtama agad ang tingin namin paglingon ko.

Tita Elisse was able to get the attention of everyone on the table because of what she said. I don’t even wanna look at dad’s way dahil ramdam ko na agad ang pagbaling ng tingin niya sakin.

“What do you think anak?” Tita Elisse probed.

Amiel’s eyes now bore into me. “Alright. I’m still looking for a place to stay mama.”

“You plan to live alone in college hija?” Si tito Raymond na sakin napunta ang tingin pagtapos kay daddy.

I cleared my throat. “Ahm.. I’m planning to.. pero paguusapan pa po namin.. ni dad.” My brow arched to gauge dad’s reaction when I looked at him and he remained tight-lipped.

“Oh.. okay. Yeah oo nga hija.. mas mabuti nga.. ang ganon.” Si tita Elisse na mukhang narealize ang nangyari. “Though, nothing is wrong with trying to be independent when you are in college. Ginawa din namin iyan noon ng mommy mo.” She smiled awkwardly.

Dad sighed. “We’ll talk about it. I still want you to stay in our house. After all, you have the means of going to the university without any hassle.” Dad in his low voice.

I bite my lower lip and leaned on the backrest of my chair. Yeah.

“About your course, hija. You know business is good, but you can also try engineering? RJ did. It will help with our business better. There are women who are engineers, you know.” Tinaasan ako ng kilay ni tito Raymond. Now all eyes are on me.

I’m about to speak pero si daddy na ang sumagot sakanya.

“My daughter wants to take business and that’s fine with me. I’ll let her decide on what she wants to take in college.” Bleh!

“I think business management is still a good program, Ria. So you can still help your dad in the future.” Si tito Amer na nakangiti sakin. I curved my lips to force a smile. I’m still thinking about me staying in my own place, though. I wonder what dad thinks about it.

“Yeah. Amiel too is going to take business. There’s a chance na classmates kayo ulit. Isn’t that great? You already know someone on your first day!” Tita Elisse giggled in excitement.

My lips pursed and glanced at Amiel who is now looking at me while playing with his water goblet. I instantly avoid his eye contact dahil nadidistract din ako sa katabi niyang pinapanood din ako.

My lips curled and I glance at dad for any additional comment. He just exhaled and pat my head.

Anton then excused himself for a call. The waiters served another course and we continue to eat.

Diko naawat ang sarili na sundan ng tingin si Anton ng lumabas siya ng function room. I watched the double doors closed while his phone is on his ear. Nakapamewang itong sumagot ng telepono.

Agad akong napalabi ng umayos ng upo. Why am I curious about that call? Eh ano naman.

Then I thought about his facebook story noong nakaraan. Baka yung baby niya ang tumawag? Hah!

Hanggang sa makabalik siya ng kinauupuan ay iyon ang tumatakbo sa isip ko. Diko tuloy namamalayan ang kusang pagasim ng mukha lalo na ng sinalubong ako ng mariin niyang titig pagkaupo.

Tingin tingin ka diyan?

The night is still young so the older men decided to get some drinks after we finish the last course. Theirs are whiskey, kahit sina Anton at Amiel. Habang kami ni tita Elisse, champagne.

“Don’t drink too much.” Paalala agad ni daddy kahit na diko pa nalalapat ang labi ko sa flute. I let him see me roll my eyes on him and all he did was cringe his nose. Hay nako daddy!

Two glasses of champagne and I already excused myself for a restroom break. Can I enjoy drinking without occasionally peeing?

Buti at hindi ko na kailangang lumabas dahil may restroom naman dito. There’s division from the function room itself to its restroom though. The waiters on standby open the double doors inside the function room for me to see the hallway to the men and women’s restroom.

I washed my hands after I relieved myself and dried them with a tissue paper. Halos magese pa ang paa ko sa gulat ng paglabas ko ng banyo.. eh nagiintay si Anton sa may hallway.

I took a deep breath and chose to ignore him. I walked passed him when he speak up.

“Congratulations on your graduation day, Reina.”

Automatiko akong napasinghap ng madinig ng malalim niyang boses. Unti unti din akong ginagapangan ng kaba at bumilis ang paghinga ko.

“T-Thanks.” Hindi padin siya nililingon. I took another step when I heard him did the same and tried to talk to me more.

“How are you?”

Halos mapapikit ako sa di malamang nararamdaman. I pressed my lips against each other and turned to face him. His dark gaze immediately shifted to meet mine as he licked his lips watching me giving him my full attention.

“I’m g-good.”

Matagal muna siyang tumitig sakin bago lumunok at tumango. I should leave. Kaya lang..

“So.. you.. and my brother-”

“Oh! We’re still dating. We’re doing just fine.” Maagap kong sagot. Gusto kong malaman niya na nagdedate padin kami ng kapatid niya.

Hindi lang siya ang may baby. Ako, may love.

“Are you happy?” Napakurap ako at agad iwinaksi ang naisip kanina. Hindi na ngayon makasagot sa tanong.

My brows automatically furrowed. “Y-Yes?” Why does it sound like a question?

“With.. my brother?” Muli akong napasinghap ng humakbang pa siya ng isang beses para maglapit kami. I can only stare at his chiseled chest that’s been hugged tightly by his white dress shirt.

“Uhuh.” Hindi ko alam san ibabaling ang tingin. Bakit kasi ayaw ko pa umalis?

“Then why are you still not together.” His voice became menacing it almost didn’t sound like a question anymore. Ni hindi ko lalo makapa ang salitang isasagot sa sinabi niya.

I had to step back and catch my breath when he took another step forward. My chest is pounding so hard my heart almost pumped out of it.

“Huh? Tell me, Reina.” I can hear his smirk but I still chose to look at my eye-level, his hard chest covered in that white dress shirt.. damn it! Why am I so keen on that? What a description!

Muli akong umatras ng humakbang pa siya palapit pero di ako nagtagumpay dahil agad humarang ang isang braso niya sa likod ko at binalik ako sa dating distansya. I then held on to his abdomen for balance na agad ko ding binawi dahil para akong napapaso sa sariling ginawa.

“Why the long wait? Why not make it official. Hmm?” He whispered breathily and I can smell his minty breath mixed with hard liquor.

I bit my lip as I already dropped my tongue from somewhere not allowing me to speak. I shut my eyes and tried to catch a deep breath once, iyon nga lang.. lalo akong nagpanic ng marinig na bumukas ang double doors sa likod namin!

I turned snappily to see who will go to the restroom though it’s hard dahil hinahawakan parin ni Anton ang likod ko bilang suporta. Ako na mismo ang kumalas at dumistansya.. ng makita si tito Amer na pumasok.

His brows twitched and I could swear he saw as in that state. Nagpabalik balik ang tingin niya samin.

“Son..?” Tawag niya kay Anton kahit na bumabalik padin sakin ang tingin niya. I heard Anton sighed behind me.

“I-I’ll go.” Not that I should announce it. Fuck! Fuck!

“Reina.” Tito Amer almost pushed the double door to keep it open for me to go out pero narinig kong tinawag ako ni Anton.

Tito Amer’s lips parted making him stiff and before he could even conclude anything.. ako na ang tuluyang nagtulak ng pinto palabas.. panting as I walk out. What the fuck, Anton?! We were caught by your father like that!

Kita ko agad ang paglingon ni dad sa kung saan ako galing na mukhang inip na inip at ng makita niya akong naglalakad pabalik ng mesa ay saka lang siya bumaling kay tito Raymond na kinakausap siya.

Tita Elisse welcomed me back with a smile pagkaupo ko. Si daddy naman nakamasid lang. Amiel is busy with his phone but he kept it in his pocket when he saw that I’m back.

I raised a brow. Who are you texting, I wonder.

“Oh! I have a gift for you hija. Sayang at nasa bahay. Hayaan mo at padadaanan ko si Amiel sainyo for that.” Si tita Elisse.

I raised a brow at Amiel with that. Seryoso lang din itong nakatingin sakin bago tumango. Ngumiti naman ako kay tita Elisse. “Thank you tita. And for this dinner too.”

“I’ll take care of the dinner tonight, Elisse.” Singit ni dad na agad umalma ang huli.

“Oh no, please! It’s okay. I really want to do this. Para din naman sa mga bata.”

Dad just exhaled. “Thank you for having us celebrate with your family, then. It’s on me next time.” Parang pilit na sabi nito dahil mahinang humalakhak sa gilid niya ang kapatid.

Anton arrived shortly after me. His eyes already bore into me pagkaupo niya. Huli namang bumalik ang kanyang ama. I’m really trying to avoid any eye contact with him now that his father is watching us both. Awang ang labi nitong nakatingin sa anak at napailing sa tila naisip bago siya babaling sakin. What the fucking fuck.

I know I’m pretty, but all of you should calm down. Ugh! Bat di niyo nalang ako picturan kaya?

I shut my eyes in annoyance and my palm immediately landed on my face bago inis na hinilamos iyon sa mukha para mahawi nadin ang mga takas ng buhok. Hinaplos naman ni dad ang ulo ko pagtapos non.

“Are you tired? Should we go home?”

Yes. I’ll lose my mind if I stay seated on this table for another minute.

Tipid lang akong tumango at di na nagsalita.

“My daughter is tired. We’ll go ahead, Elisse. Thanks again for the dinner.” Paalam ni daddy sa mga kasama namin sa mesa at naghahanda ng tumayo.

“Not at all! Pahinga na kayo. Thank you for joining us tonight.” Si tita Elisse at niyakap ako ng makatayo kami.

I bid my goodbye without looking at her sons. Awkward din akong ngumiti kay tito Amer na nagpaalam samin na nakabuntot sa kanyang asawang naghatid samin sa lobby. Dad escorted me outside kasama ni tito Raymond. Sabi niya susunduin niya pa si tita Athena kaya magkaiba kami ng daan.

“How about you move in with me?” Amiel’s playful smirk is plastered on the screen of my cellphone. Napairap ako. We FaceTime pagkatapos ko maligo.

“I just really want to learn how to be independent somehow.. and be like mom.. so I want to try and live alone. Though I’m not even sure if dad is considering that for me. Huling nagusap kami, ayaw niya.” I sighed.

I saw him grabbed a pillow and hugged it so he can rest his race on it. “Well. I hope he agrees. You’ll have your freedom. We can do.. sleepovers? Or night parties?”

I kind of like that but it’s not my priority. What I want is to take some modeling gigs if I get lucky. Kung magkakaron ng chance at makapasa sa mga audition, of course. I’m planning on reaching out to Nala or Ms. Karina too for that. Mom was a working student before, I have the means to go to school pero gusto ko padin itry. That’s why I really want to live alone. Hindi masyadong mababantayan ni daddy ang galaw ko kung magisa ako sa tinitirhan ko.

I’ve been thinking about this for quite some time. Hindi ko naman ipaprioritize ang kagustuhang maging modelo sa ngayon. I don’t want to disappoint dad and we have an agreement that I should finish college first. I just want to.. maybe surprise him. Na kaya ko pala pagsabayin iyon. More like a hobby for me if I can be a model while studying. Bindi technically magiging working student.

“Ria?” Amiel called. I’m spacing out because of my plans.

I’m about to respond when my phone ding for a message notification.. from Anton.

“Still awake?” Basa ko sa notification center.

I cleared my throat. “Ahm.. Y-Yeah. Not sure with parties though. Dad doesn’t really like me drinking.”

“Well that’s part of your college life. And he’ll never know. We will not tell him for sure.” He winked at me kaya napailing ako.

Nakagat ko ang ibabang labi ng muling tumunog ang cellphone para sa kasunod na mensahe.

“Good night, Reina.”

Shit. And now my butterflies are going crazy.

“I.. have to go. I’ll sleep na.” Paalam ko kay Amiel. I should just sleep. Pagod din naman ako.

He pursed his lips. “Alright. I’ll come by tomorrow. Night, Ria.”

“Night.”

Agad kong nilagay sa bedside table ang cellphone at gumulong sa kama para mayakap ang unan. You’re back home. Now what?

Pinilit ko ang sariling pumikit kahit na alam kong di nanaman ako patutulugin ng mga nangyari kanina. I didn’t reply to Anton. I don’t think I need to. Plus he already said goodnight. It’s better for him to assume that I’m asleep.

We have the whole week free. Next week pa namin makukuha ang graduation pictures at ang TOR kaya hindi ko na muna iyon iniisip.

Kinabukasan ay dumaan nga si Amiel para sa regalo ni tita Elisse sakin. I got a new pair of heels from her. Di din nagtagal si Amiel dahil may game daw sila. He invited me but I refused. Ang aga din kasi at ayaw ni daddy. Pinapasok niya ako agad for breakfast kaya walang nagawa si Amiel kundi ang magdrive paalis.

It’s the usual day the next day pero tahimik ang bahay. I also noticed the two men in all black outfit installing security cameras sa second floor. Do we need more? We have enough surveillance.

“Where’s dad?” I asked one of our househelp ng makababa ako ng hagdan. I saw another man in the living room staring at our high ceiling.

“Good morning po.” Yuko nito. “Nasa study po ma’am. Kausap si Mr. Del Mundo.”

I flipped my hair and walked towards the study pero tinawag ako ni manang Lupe.

“Ria anak! Mabuti gising kana. Halika at mag agahan kana.”

I nodded at her greeting. “I’ll just check on dad.”

“Ahh! Naku importante ata ang pinaguusapan nila ni sir Ronin eh. Mauna kanang kumain at nagkape na ang daddy mo kanina. Halika at ipaghahain kita.” Giya niya sakin at hilaw na ngumisi.

Agad kumunot ang noo ko. Why didn’t he wait for me? He’s home and I don’t have school. Saglit kong nilingon ang daan sa office ni dad bago nagpasyang sumunod kay manang sa dining area.

There’s another man in his black outfit in our dining area and at may isa na tanaw ko sa may veranda. “What’s this? Are we installing new CCTV cameras?” Diko na napigilang tanong. Lumingon sakin ang lalaki at yumuko bago lumabas.

Tumikhim si manang matapos saglit na tapunan ng tingin ang nakaitim na lalaki na dumiretso sa veranda bago siya nagpatuloy sa paghain.

“Pinapaayos lang ng daddy mo anak. Medyo luma na daw kasi. Huwag mo na pansinin at halika maupo kana.”

“Is that meeting even important? He won’t join me for breakfast.” I spat when I take my seat. Dad won’t miss his first meal of the day with me.

Padarag kong tinusok ang bacon at kinagat iyon. Matalim na titig ang tinapon ko sa mga nakaitim na lalaking tanaw ko sa veranda habang ngumunguya. Ang aga kong naaansha.

“Neng. Ikaw na ang bahalang maghain sa ma’am mo.” Mahinang utos ni manang sa isang kasambahay namin bago siya lumabas ng dining. Baka pupuntahan niya si dad. Dapat lang!

Bugnot akong kumakain ng dumating si dad kasama si tito Ronin sa dining pagkaraan ng ilang saglit. Agad akong dinaluhan ni dad at hinalikan sa ulo.

“Good morning, princess.” Agad ko naman siyang tiningala.

“You won’t join me for breakfast?” I asked with my stuffed mouth.

He chuckled. “Of course I’ll join you. Your tito Ronin too. May pinagusapan lang kami.”

“Morning, princess.” Nakangiting bati ni tito Ronin.

Naupo si daddy sa kabisera at sa tapat ko naman ay si tito Ronin.

“You asked for new cameras? I thought we just replaced them last year.”

I saw how dad and tito Ronin looked at each other. “This is more high tech hija. We are testing some of our new devices. Your dad agreed to use them here. We replaced six of your security cameras with the new ones.” Si tito Ronin na ang sumagot.

“Pay it no mind, Reina. Let’s eat.” Si dad.

After breakfast ay bumalik ako sa kwarto at silang dalawa ay sa office ni dad ulit. I don’t have plans for today and for the next days. Though Pierce is asking to go out this weekend.

“You plan on what?” Si dad nung nagpaalam na ako na lalabas kami tomorrow night ni Pierce. Kasama ang ibang kaklase.

My lips twisted. “Just a couple of drinks? We will go to a bar downtown.”

He sighed. “You know I don’t like you going to places like that, Reina. It’s dangerous.”

“I have Matt? And I won’t drink too much. I’ll go home before my curfew.” Reasoning ko.

Dad is about to retaliate but he stopped himself when one of our house helpers placed another dish on the table. I wonder why.

He let out another sigh. Kumunot ang noo ko. Di nanaman papayag?

Pagkaalis ng kasambahay ay saka siya muling nagsalita. Sinundan ko tuloy ng tingin ang kasambahay na iyon. She’s familiar.

“Just text me the exact location. And I don’t want you talking to strangers, Reina.”

Natawa ako. Is he serious? Bar yun. With different people drinking and partying. I don’t usually socialize with boys if that’s what he is talking about.

“I’m serious. You only drink with your friends. Don’t take any drink from someone you don’t know, more so talking to them. Sa labas o loob pa ng bar.” Napairap ako sa pangaral ng daddy.

“Dad. I’m eighteen. I’m not a kindergarten student-”

“You will only go on my terms. Don’t talk or be with someone you don’t know. That’s all I ask. Do you understand?”

I stared at him with confusion. He seems serious about this. Its not like mawawala ako or what. Even if I’m not familiar with the place, there’s google. And of course hindi ako sasama sa diko kilala!

My brow arched. “Alright. Just so you know, I’ll be with Pierce, Sammie and some of our classmates. There will be boys, yes, but my classmates. And I’m not the type of girl na nageentertain ng lalaki sa bar dad. I’m there to drink and have fun with my friends. I’m of legal age.” I don’t know what his point is but whatever. Basta payagan niya ako.

Bumuntong hininga siya. “Of course. That’s good. It’s for your safety, princess. You’ll be home by eleven.”

My brows furrowed more. “Ahm.. midnight?”

“Eleven. You will not drink that much so that span of time should be enough. And you’ll text me when you get there, and when you are on your way home.” He scoffed bago nagpatuloy sa pagkain.

Wow. So higpit. It sucks to be an only daughter, eh? Napailing nalang ako.

“Fine.” Pagputol ko sa usapan at nagpatuloy din sa pagkain.

We continue eating ng muli siyang magsalita maya maya.

“And you said.. you want to see where your mom lived when she was in college.” He said without looking at me. Napatigil ako sa pagkain.

Yes? What about it?

Suminghap muna siya na para bang hirap magsalita. “We can visit your mother’s old apartment tomorrow morning.”

Oh my! Nakagat ko ang labi sa anticipation. Does that mean?

He turned to me. “But you will not stay there. You’ll stay in my penthouse. It’s much safer.”

I can’t help but smile. He agreed? Penthouse? Oh my! I’ll get to live alone in college!

“If you want to.. move out of this house.. that’s fine with me. You can stay in our penthouse. That tower is now owned by your tito Ronin so their security will be tight. I’m.. okay with that.”

“Thank you daddy!” I can’t believe it! Diko napigilang tumayo para yakapin siya. He crouched to kiss me on my forehead.

“Not so fast. I still have rules if you plan on living alone.”

“Mmhmm.” Okay. I don’t mind. Basta pwede na ang gusto ko!

“No sleepovers. No boys will be visiting you at any time. You will still have curfews. And manang Lupe will be staying with you.”

Luh. Kumalas ako sa yakap para magtama ang tingin namin.

“She’ll be there so I’ll know what you will eat. I don’t want you eating takeouts and unhealthy foods. She will report to me everything that’s happening with you.”

I pouted. Wala padin akong kawala.

“Pupuntahan natin ang dorm ng mommy mo at ang penthouse kung saan ka tutuloy bukas ng umaga.”

Kabanata 19

As I am too excited, maaga akong matutulog para hindi ako hirap gumising kinabukasan. I even shared it to Pierce na bubukod nako sa college.

“Talaga? OMG! Anong meron at napapayag mo si tito? Parang wala ka namang ginawang banal these days.” Panguuyam niya sa tawag ko.

“Tangina ka talaga! Well.. I didn’t expect him to actually allow me. Siya mismo ang nagbanggit sa dinner kanina.”

Nakanguso naman itong nakatingin sa itaas na animo nagiisip. “Hmmm. Okay. Kaso bawal sleepovers? Pero pwede naman ang bisita diba?”

“I guess so. If may groupworks siguro. Baka pwede akong magpapunta ng kaklase.”

“Eh pano iyan di tayo classmate? Basta iinvite moko. Gusto ko makita. Magpipicture lang ako pang IG story.” Hagikgik nito kaya napailing ako. Baklang social climber na ito!

“Fine. Sige na matutulog nako. I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

“Okidoks. Good night baks.” Malandi pa itong nagflying kiss kaya umasim ang mukha ko.

“Ang chaka. Good night.” Humabol pa ang middle finger niya sa screen bago ko tuluyang mababa ang video call.

I fell asleep shortly after at kinabukasan nga ay ang ganda ng gising ko. I’m excited for today! Who would’ve thought na papayag si dad na bumukod ako!

I checked my face in my bathroom mirror pagkabangon ko. I brushed my teeth and I combed my hair with my fingers before I decided to go downstairs. Mamaya na ako magaayos o maliligo. It’s around seven o’clock. Maaga din namang nagigising yun si daddy.

Pagkababa sa living room ay namataan ko agad sa may entrance si dad kausap si Matt. Agad akong tumakbo para yumakap.

“Good morning! Let’s have breakfast na.” Nakangiting aya ko kaya naputol ang usapan nila.

Dad chuckled and patted my head. “Well, someone woke up on the good side of the bed.”

“Sa labas lang ako sir. Good morning ma’am Ria.”

Ngumiti lang ako kay Matt at habang si dad naman ay giniya nako papunta ng hapagkainan.

Gulat na mukha ni manang ang sumalubong samin pagkapasok ng dining area. Nilapag niya ang plato ng fried rice at hotdog sa mesa.

“Oh Ria. Ang aga mong nagising.” Tila di makapaniwalang sabi ni manang.

“Miracle do happens, manang.” I glared at dad na nakikisali. Natawa naman ang huli.

“Naku himala nga kung ganoon sir. Siya upo na kayo. Wala kang eskwela anak, may plano ba kayong mag-ama?” Si manang. May dalawa pang kasambahay na sumulpot para sa malamig na tubig at sa isa pang ulam.

“Yes! We’ll visit my-”

“I’ll just take my daughter out, manang.” Inunahan ako ni dad kaya napakunot ang noo ko. He didn’t specify where we are going. Well, I don’t mind since I don’t think it’s necessary. Tila may ibang naisip naman ang matanda ng lumingon para sa sagot ni daddy.

“Ahh.. ehh sige. Oh siya. Iwan ko na kayo. Magsabi kayo pag may kailangan ha. Issa lika na muna kayong dalawa.” Tawag ni manang sa mga nakababatang kasambahay.

Pinanood ko si daddy na naghahalo na ngayon sa tasa ng kape. He seem really anxious lately. I wonder why. Is it because of work?

Maaga na din siyang umuuwi nitong mga nakaraan. Before, he would stay pa kahit ilang oras kay mommy after work. Pero since last week eh mas nauunahan niya pa ako umuwi.

I sighed. Saglit akong nilingon ni dad kaya agad ko lang siyang nginitian at nagsimula nadin kumain.

I took a shower after breakfast at nagayos na para sa alis namin. I wore a high-waist denim pants and a low neck crop top. I did my skincare routine. I also put on tinted sunscreen and I set it with baby powder. I don’t feel like wearing anything on my lips kaya naglipbalm nalang ako to keep it plump and moisturized. I put on my sneakers after fixing my face. Naririnig ko na din ang pangalawang katok ni manang dahil nagtatanong na ang daddy.

“You ready?” Si dad ng makababa ako. He is wearing a red classic polo shirt from Ralph Lauren and paired it with his denim pants and sneakers. Naks! Bagets!

Nakangiti akong tumango. “Let’s go.” At nauna pa ako sakanyang lumabas ng bahay.

I’ll ride with dad while Matt and his bodyguards are tailing us. Una kaming pupunta sa apartment building ni mommy.

On our way, nadaanan namin ang magiging school ko sa college. San Vicente University is a top-tier international school here. Its the school of famous engineers, architects, and a lot of successful students in different field. Dito nagaral si sina dad at tito Raymond. It’s expensive but they are open for scholars too. Our family is one of the major shareholders of this university and my granparents aimed to give equal opportunities for the people of San Vicente. Isa si mommy sa mga scholar nila grandpa noon.

“That’s your school. Are you excited?” I heard dad asked while I busy myself staring at it. Nakangiti akong tumango sakanya.

Its huge and ang ganda ng structure kahit sa labas mo palang nakikita.

“That’s where your mom used to work when she was still studying. Diyan ko siya sinusundo noon.” Turo niya sa nadaanang two-storey commercial building na may apat na unit. Dalawa sa taas, isang clothing store at isang restaurant ang nakaupa. Sa baba ay may computer shop at katabi iyong coffee shop. Ilang metro ang layo nito sa school. My lips parted in awe.

“Muntik iyang magsara dahil magmamigrate ang may-ari. I bought the entire building and have it renovated so I can keep the coffee shop operating. We have people managing it. We also opened other units to other business owners.” My lips twisted as I sniffed. How dad did everything just to keep mommy’s memories of these places.

A few minutes and we made a turn to a three-storey apartment building. It looks simple. And cheap. Mukhang pang isahan lang din ang bawat kwarto.

“This.. is where your mother lived.. when she moved out of Angel Haven. I wanted to keep it as it is. Pinapinturahan ko lang ng bago at pinakumpuni ang mga sira.”

I’m biting my lip in excitement. I can’t wait to see it. There’s nothing much to expect dahil mukhang mumurahing apartment lang ito. But still, mom lived here and she had memories here. I wanted.. to see it. I wanted to be a part of it.

We both got off the car at agad kong tiningala ang kabuuan ng apartment building. My eyes started to sting for a bit. I was then reminded of the difference between my parent’s economic status. And yet, love bound them together.

Suminghap si daddy at hinagod ang likod ko kaya napalingon ako sakanya. His eyes are now bloodshot but he curled his lips for a sad smile.

“I.. haven’t visited this place.. for quite a long time. Ito nalang ulit ang huli.. kasama ka Reina.”

I pouted at muling suminghot ng giniya niya akong umakyat. The way dad had a hard time saying it makes me feel like it’s hard for him to see this place. Puno ng sakit at lungkot ang boses niya.

Ang excitement na naramdaman ko ay mabilis na napalitan ng lungkot, kaba at takot. Pero nagpatuloy kami sa pagakyat.

He handed me the key when we reached the right floor. Tinuro niya sakin ang isang pinto at naging hudyat iyon sakin para ipasok ang susi na hawak ko sa doorknob.

Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga bago iyon pinihit at binuksan. Agad tumambad sakin ang maliit pero malinis na kwarto.

May tamang laki ng kama. May study table, may dining table pero pandalawahan lang. Sa dulong parte na ang sink, lutuan at sa magkabilang gilid ay cabinet at isa pang pinto tila para sa banyo.

I turned around to look at the entire place. It looks cozy. May aircon din namang nakakabit kaya mukhang hindi mainit.

“This.. is where she used to do her homework. Gamit ko naman ang silyang iyon.. para matulungan ang mommy mo… kung nahihirapan siya.” Si dad na mariin ang titig sa maliit na study table at marahan iyong hinimas.

He turned to me and smiled sadly.. bago tinuro ang mesa sa likod ko.

“That’s where we used to eat. Tama lang.. para saming dalawa.. ang mesang iyan. Doon ang sink.. kung saan.. tinutulungan ko siya minsang maghugas ng pinggan. Ako din ang nagluluto.. kapag puyat ang mommy mo.” Dad’s baritone voice is starting to shake and it triggers my tears from falling. I keep on twisting my lips thinking it would help.. but it didn’t.

I reached for a hug.. habang nahihirapang magkwento ang daddy.

Nadinig ko itong suminghot. “This.. is where we used to sleep. It’s small.. so I had to.. adjust..” hilaw itong tumawa “all the time.. just so I can get to sleep.. beside your mother.”

Hindi ko na makita ang kamang tinuturo niya dahil nanlalabo na ang paningin ko sa sunod sunod na patak ng luha. I hugged my father tight as he continue to relive his memories with mommy in this place.

It’s like a trip down memory lane for him. I heard him gasped for air and I knew then that he is also crying. “This room… is where.. we see each other. Where.. we had our moments.. when your mom dated me in secret..”

“Dad.” I tried to soothe him but I too was weak from crying. Ramdam ko ang paghapo niya ng hinga habang ako naman ay humihikbi sa kanyang dibdib.

“We’ve been through.. a lot. When her safety was compromised… I convinced her to move in with me. She lived with me.. in my penthouse.”

Pinunasan ko ang basang pisngi at tiningala siya. Agad naman niyang kinusot ang mga mata ng isang kamay para punasan ang luha. Igting ang mga panga niya ng bumaba ang malungkot niyang tingin sakin.

“I.. can’t let go of this place. She.. we.. have memories here.. that I wanted to keep.. with me. Everything.. every place.. I’ll keep it.”

Our sobs filled the room. We needed time to calm down. I realized we will never heal from our loss. We just.. have to live through it.

“Why don’t you want me to stay here?” I asked as I caress the bedsheet. My eyes hurt from crying. Ramdam ko agad ang pamumugto nito ng bumigat ang talukap ng mga mata ko ng tumigil ako sa pagiyak.

I heard dad sighed. Nakatukod ang magkabilang kamay niya sa kama at bahagyang nakahilig. “It’s.. much safer in my penthouse. Here, we don’t have much security.”

Mahina niyang hinaplos ang aking ulo. I stared at him. Namumula padin ang mata ni daddy. “Mas mapapanatag ako pag dun ka Reina. I cannot monitor your whereabouts twenty-four seven, so I have to depend on your tito Ronin’s security.”

“But.. I’ll be okay. And.. Matt can stay on the next room beside mine. I’ll be safe here. It’s also much nearer-”

Agad itong umiling.. pikit ang mga mata. Nagpakawala muna siya ng malalim na hininga bago ako muling tinignan.

“If you want to be independent, then you must teach yourself to wake up early. That’s the first step. You will only stay in our penthouse. Ang mommy mo noon hindi nalelate sa school kahit sa penthouse ko nakatira. Besides, you have a driver.”

Hmmm. “About that.. how about I take driving lessons? And ahm.. a student license, perhaps?” I shifted my weight to him with that thought. Agad nga lang kumunot ang noo niya.

“No.” As expected. Favorite mo din sigurong sabihin kay mommy iyan?

“Well.. we are talking about independence, yes? If I can learn how to drive, then I won’t have to depend on Matt to take me anywhere I want?” My eyebrows automatically arched to prove a point. He’s just not convinced.

“I’m not confident with you driving on your own. Accidents can happen on the road anytime and that’s inevitable no matter how obedient you are with the traffic rules. Mas mapapanatag ako kung may maghahatid sundo sayo Reina.” Mahabang sermon niya na kinanguso ko.

Hindi nako nakipagtalo pa. Hihindi lang naman siya sakin. He stood up and offered his hand. “Let’s go. We’ll check the penthouse. Then we’ll visit your mother.”

My lips pursed pero tumayo na din ako at sabay na kaming bumaba pagkalock ng pinto.

You agreed for me to live alone, dad. I’m sure I can make you allow me to drive my own car too. I just have to think of ways on how to do it. Just you wait. I smirk devilishly at that thought.

It’s like a forty-minute drive from mom’s apartment to dad’s penthouse. Anlayo sa university kumpara sa dorm ni mommy. Weekend pa ngayon kaya hindi masyadong traffic. If weekdays at morning, diyos ko. Lalo akong nalate!

We arrived at the tower owned by the Del Mundos. Dad said he has shares in this tower. May mga floors daw kasi dito for commercial use. Majority lang ay ang for rent owners.

I like the penthouse so much. It’s so spacious. There’s not much color though. The walls are painted white while the furnitures and interiors are mostly wood or of black color. I must redecorate. I like seeing pink here! And pastel colors!

“Wow.” My lips parted in awe as I stared at the overlooking view of the city proper. Matatayog na building, the blueish sky, and the busy traffic below. Medyo nakakalula but I really appreciate the view.

“You like it?” I heard dad asked. Nakapamulsa siya sa likuran ko.

“Yeah.” I touched the full glass window as if I can touch the sky. Or the nearby towers at least.

I heard dad chuckled as he stood beside me. Tiningala ko siya at nakatanaw din siya sa pinapanood ko. “You really took after your mom.”

My lips curved to a smile. Aren’t I? What is it this time?

Bumaba ang tingin niya sakin. “She didn’t like to move in with me at first. But upon setting foot here the first time, she fell in love with this overlooking view of the city. I used that to my advantage. Gustong gusto ito ng mommy mo. Lalo na kapag gabi. She likes watching the city lights.”

Ayoko ng umiyak dahil masakit na ang mata ko. But my heart is happy na gusto ko din pala ang hilig ni mommy. Makes me excited to actually see the busy lights of the city at night from up here.

More rules are spitting out of dad’s mouth as he tour me around the penthouse. Halos di na nga ako nakikinig sa iba dahil parang wala namang sense. He’s just really overprotective. I can take care of myself ano man ang gusto kong gawin kaya nga ako bubukod. Isa pa.. pano ako magtatry magmodeling?

I’ll be using the master bedroom where he and mom stayed. It has a king size bed. May walk-in closet at may bathroom din. There’s bath tub! Yay!

May guest rooms din dito. Isa ang para kay manang Lupe at isa naman para kay Matt. They’re basically dad’s eyes and ears pero wala na akong magagawa. Well.. I can easily bend Matt to do my bidding. But manang Lupe? Ugh!

Dad wanted me to still stay in the mansion. Lilipat lang daw ako dito a week or two before the start of the school year.

The cemetery was our next stop but we only stayed with mom for an hour dahil naiinitan na ako.

“We are in a mausoleum, Reina. There’s barely sunlight touching your skin.” Si dad na nakaluhod sa nitso ng nagaaya na akong umuwi.

“Duh! How about the singaw? It’s so humid! I’m sweating na oh and I don’t want to look haggard. I don’t deserve this.”

Dad sighed audibly and shook his head. “Ano ba itong anak mo darling.”

Maiintindihan naman ni mommy yun. It’s just dad who will never understand because his skin is sunog. Like moreno but darker! Duh? The harmful UV rays are going to destroy your skin regardless of your complexion. It’s not just the direct sunlight no! It’s the humidity. Well.. basta parang ganon! I don’t like it.

At dahil nga tingin ni daddy eh nagiinarte lang ako eh hindi na kami kumain sa labas at dumiretso na kami ng bahay for lunch.

We bonded the entire afternoon. We watched several movies pero diko namalayang nakaidlip pala ako. Nagising nalang ako kinagabihan eh nasa kwarto ko na ako.

Text agad ni Pierce ang bungad sa phone ko.

“Antagal mong magayos te! Mga eight thirty tayo magkikita. Kung ako sayo simulan mo na ang seremonyas mo.”

Maaga tuloy akong nagdinner. Dad insisted na kakain na din siya kahit wala pang seven o’clock. Para daw sabay kami.

“Remember what I told you, Reina. Do not speak to anyone you don’t know. And be cautious with the food and drinks you are getting.”

Bored akong tumango habang ngumunguya. Gusto kong magmadaling kumain but kasabay ko si dad so hayaan na.

“And text me. When you arrived. And when you are going home, alright?”

“Yes, dad.” I rolled my eyes at uminom ng tubig. Hindi na natapos ang speech mo today.

Pagkatapos ay nagmadali na nga ako para sa mga seremonyas ko sa banyo. Dad doesn’t want me to wear revealing clothes so I just wear a black tube with a black skirt terno. No slit. Not low back. No strings. This should be okay.

Sinuot ko ang heels na bigay ni tita Elisse. I’m basically wearing my same accessories. I like to keep it simple. Wala din naman masyadong detail tong dress ko. Just plain black cotton fabric.

My hair is tied in a high ponytail highlighting my cheeks and my collarbones. I did a light makeup dahil tatamarin din akong magbura nito mamaya. Gusto ko ng mabilisang himalos lang. Just pressed powder, a hint of blush, mascara to open my eyes and a matte red lipstick and I’m done. I look stunning. Deserve!

Taas na kilay at igting na panga ang sinalubong sakin ni dad ng makalabas ako ng main door.

“And we said no to revealing clothes?” He said it with full of sarcasm. I tilted my head and made face.

“The only think I’m revealing tonight is my undeniable beauty.” Irap ko. Maingay lang itong bumuntong hininga.

“With a slight movement, makikita na ang dibdib mo sa suot mo. Umakyat ka at magpalit-”

“Dad! I’m gonna be late. You can’t seriously make comments about my outfit! You don’t even know anything about tube tops.”

I reached out to kiss him on his cheek but he pulled me for a hug. “Bye na. I’ll text you when I get there.”

“You’ll be home by Eleven. I won’t sleep til your home. I’ll be waiting, Reina.”

Ngumisi ako. “Eleven aalis ng bar?” He groaned and I giggled.

“Matthew.” Tawag ni dad. Tumango lang ito at binuksan ang backseat ng SUV ko.

“Take care, please.” Pahabol ni dad. Kumaway lang ako at sumakay na ng sasakyan.

“Asan kana te? Andito na kami bakla ka!” Si Pierce na tinawagan ako.

“I’m on my way. Just you wait.” Nabasa ko din ang text ni Amiel na tinatanong kung nasan na ako.

“Osige basta punta kana ah. Medyo madami kasi tayo. Parang kinse ata. Naghahanap pa ng table kaya bilisan mo na!”

Twenty minutes ata ang ginugol ko bago ko narating ang lugar. Magkakasunod ang bars dito at nadaanan ko din kanina yung dati naming pinuntahan. Sabe ay mas malaki daw at open space ang iinuman namin ngayon.

“I’m here na dad. Just looking for my friends.” Nagsend ako ng text kay dad kahit na nadidinig ko naman sa likod ko si Matt na tila siya ang kausap.

“San kana te? Nakaorder na kami!” Si Pierce ng tinawagan ako dahil hindi ko sila makita.

“I’m literally walking for minutes now! Sabi mo deretso? Ano bang pangalan?” Mali pala ang natigilan ng sasakyan ko pero di nako makabalik dahil nasa kalahati nako ng kahabaan ng mga bars na to.

“Southrizz nga! Asan kana banda? Sunduin na kita.”

Tiningala ko ang pangalan ng nadaanan kong bar. “Jim’s bar and pool. San ba to?”

Narinig kong may kinausap siya sa background. “Hello? Jim’s? Ayan kana! Katabi niyan 4 Lounge tapos yung kasunod Southrizz na! Antayin moko naglalakad nako.”

I sighed and dropped the call. Tinuloy ko ang paglakad. Sasalubungin ko nalang si Pierce kesa magintayan kami.

Nasa may 4 Lounge nako ng may sumitsit sakin. This dumb pervert!

“Miss! Bili ka yosi!” A poor and rugged vendor sitting on the ground called me and offered his cigarettes. Medyo malaki ang mata at nakakadiri ang ngisi. Payat din ito at may butas ang t-shirt.

I gritted my teeth and continue walking pero narinig ko ulit siyang nagsalita.

“Candy nalang miss. Buena mano lang kita. Wala pako benta eh.” Habol nito. Nakatayo na at naglakad ng onti palapit.

“No, thank you.”

“Tara na ma’am.” Si Matt sa likod ko.

Lalakad sana ako ulit ng marinig ko siya muling magsalita.

“Suplada ka. Di kagaya ng nanay mo.” It’s almost faint but I surely hear it clearly dahil sa sinabi niya.

Lito akong nilingon siya pero hinarangan lang ako ni Matt.

“Huwag mo pansinin ma’am. Buraot lang iyan. Tara na po.”

“What did you say?” I slightly pushed Matt and walked a few steps to that dirty vendor. Ngising aso ang ginawad niya sakin.

“Ang nanay mo. Mabait. Ikaw hindi.”

I gritted my teeth. How dare he say that to me. He doesn’t know me.

Sasagutin ko sana siya pero tinaboy na siya ni Matt. “Hoy! Sinabi ng di bibili. Doon kana!” Matt covered my vision with his physique. I didn’t know what he did pero mukhang natakot ang vendor at biglang lumayo.

“Bakla! Ang tagal mo.” Lumingon ako sa kabilang side ng narinig ko si Pierce na papalapit sakin. Bebeso siya pero hinawakan ko muna siya sa braso dahil muli kong nilingon yung pwesto ng lalaki.

Di ko na siya makita. Humarap sakin si Matt na inaayos ang laylayan ng t-shirt niya at giniya kami na maglakad.

“Tara na po ma’am. Tatawagan ko pa si sir.”

“Ano meron te? Tagal mo talaga.” Si Pierce.

I can’t take my eyes off the other side of the pathway where that vendor seems to have run off. Weird. So weird.

“Nothing. Just some cigarette vendor. Tara na.” I said dismissively at nagsimula ng maglakad. Nasakit na ang paa ko ha.

Lito akong hinarap ni Pierce. Nilingon niya pa ang pinanggalingan namin. “Huh? Saan? Walang nagtitinda dito sa labas. Bawal. Ano sabi?”

Dinig ko ang ‘tsk’ ni Matt habang lito ko ko namang nilingon si Pierce. What? But what about that dirty pervert guy? That makes sense dahil malinis nga ang daanan dito. Baka kaya hindi makabenta ang lalaking iyon dahil bawal bumili. I’m sure these bars are selling cigars. Whatever.

Hanggang sa narating namin ang bar ay tahimik ako dahil hindi mawala sa isip ko ang sinabi nung mama. How dare he compare me to mommy. Wala siyang alam.

“Finally! Shot na Ria.” Si Sammie na inabutan agad ako ng shotglass na may cocktail pagkaupo.

I shook my head as I drank from the shotglass. Agad gumuhit sa lalamunan iyon.

“Dito ka tabi tayo. Hayaan mo si Penelope dun tabi ni Rizza.” Bulong sakin ni Pierce.

The bar looks chill. Open area nga gaya ng sabi ni Pierce. Ang commercial unit ng bar ay may glassdoor kung saan nandun ang restroom at may beerpong table. Lahat ng mesa nila ay nandito sa labas. Medyo madami ding tao. Ang bar counter din ay nakaset up dun sa makababa ng glassdoor.

Kasama namin si Sammie, Rizza, Penelope, Marlon, Miko, Frank, Jerico, Bon, Amiel, at may tatlong babae pa sa may tabi nina Miko na diko kilala.

Matt is standing on the far corner. Animo bouncer dun sa may puno. I asked him to park my car here para madali na pero mamaya na daw.

“Kailangan nandito ako ma’am. Ako ng bahala sa sasakyan mamaya.”

Sunod sunod ang shots namin at sumasabay pa sa music ng bar. My phone vibrated on the table for dad’s call.

“Dad? I’m here na.” Sigaw ko dahil medyo malakas ang music.

“Okay. Take care, please. Remember-”

“Yes, dad? Di kita madinig. I’ll just call you later.” To naman kasi tawag pa ng tawag eh nagtext na nga ako.

Paubos na ang pang apat na tower namin at ramdam ko ng lasing nako at nahihilo. Kanina pa umuwi sina Sammie at Rizza. Hinintay lang daw talaga akong dumating at uminom ng konti. Si Rizza nagpaalam na after ng second tower dahil uuwi ng province kinabukasan, si Sammie naman may pupuntahan pagkatapos nung ikatlong tower.

We squeezed in para magkakatabi nalang kami sa isang mahabang mesa. Katabi ko padin si Pierce at sa kabila niya si Penelope. Sa kabilang side ko naman si Marlon. Katapat namin sina Amiel at sina Miko katabi parin yung babaeng inaya nila.

I excused myself for a restroom break kaya sinamahan ako ni Pierce.

“Panglimang ihi mo na to te. Sayo ako malalasing eh!” Panunuya nito kaya natawa ako. Pumasok ako sa cr habang siya nagbabantay sa labas.

Pagkalabas ay may lumapit saming lalaki mula dun sa naglalaro ng beerpong.

“Hi miss. Baka daw pwede ka makilala ng friend ko.”

“Ay sure! Pierce nga pala. Ito naman si Ria.” Si Pierce na siya pa ang nagoffer ng kamay. Nahihiya namang ngumiti ang huli at kinamayan padin siya.

“Aljhon nga pala. Nice to meet you Ria.” I returned the pleasantries at simple ng sinisiko si Pierce para umalis na kami. Nahihilo ako sa ilaw dito.

“Ito pala friend ko. Si Lance.” The guy said and I saw another guy walked towards us from the beerpong table. He’s wearing a black t-shirt and his playboy grin. Sorry. Not interested.

Dahil bukas ang glassdoor, I heard the crowd cheered outside when a sexy music played. Saglit kong nilingon ang labas. The table beside us started a chant na sinabayan din ng iba pang mesa.

“Five seconds! Walang malisya! Five seconds! Malisya!”

“Hello. I’m Lance.” The guy in front of me offered his hand as he checked me out. Pierce is now talking to the other guy about beerpong or something.

Pilit akong ngumiti at mabilis tinanggap ang kamay. “Ria.” Hati lang ang atensyon ko dahil muling may nagtilian sa labas.

There’s a couple kissing. Sa kabilang table ay may nakatayong lalaki at kahalikan na iyong nakaupong babae.

“Nice. Bago ka lang dito?”

“Ahm..” I cleared my throat. My brows furrowed when the chant is now coming from our table.

“Walang malisya! Five seconds lang.”

“Yeah. Sorry. We need to go. Nasa labas ang friends namin.” I said ending our conversation. Mariing titig naman ang ginawad sakin nung Lance bago ito ngumisi.

“Sure. Nice to meet you.”

“Pierce. Tara na.” Tawag ko kay Pierce na mukhang nageenjoy makishoot dun sa red cups. May dalawang lalaki siyang kalaban.

Halos pikit ako nitong nilingon. “Ha?”

“Tara. Na.” I said. Hindi ko alam bat hindi ako mapakali at mabilis ang kabog ng dibdib ko.

Umangkla siya sa braso ko matapos magpaalam dun sa dalawang lalaki.

Palabas na kami pero hindi natuloy ang hakbang ko pababa sa nakita.

Amiel is now kissing the girl beside Miko. He is holding her neck while he kiss her. Jerico and Miko cheered. Bon is kissing the other girl.

Halos habulin ko ang paghinga ng manghina ang tuhod ko. Kung hindi ako hawak ni Pierce.. baka nawala na ang balanse ko.

“Te tara na upo na tayo.” Si Pierce na mukhang hindi nakita ang nangyayare sa mesa namin.

Another table cheered when a guy was approached by a girl for a kiss.

Fuck. Fucking shit!

“Four. Six. Three. Four.” Dinig na dinig ang maling bilang ni Jerico ng kaladkarin ako ni Pierce sa mesa namin. Tawa naman ng tawa si Frank.

“Antagal ng five ah? Di ka marunong magbilang bro!”

“Tangina.” Si Pierce. Hirap kong nilunok ang bara sa lalamunan at walang lakas na nagpatianod kay Pierce.

I saw Penelope’s eyes drifted to me. Tinaasan niya ako ng kilay.

You bitch. You lucky I’m.. I’m…

“Hoy! Ano iyan?” Si Pierce ng marating ang mesa namin. Para silang binuhusan ng tubig at sabay sabay napapitlag.

“Ikaw malandi kang babae ka. Nakikisama ka nalang samin. Nangpopokpok kapa!” Duro niya sa babae.

“Problema mo? Inggit ka?”

I won’t stoop down on this bitchy social climber girl’s level. Your dress is fake. Your channel bag is fake. You’re nothing. Natuon lang ang tingin ko kay Amiel na hinihingal ngayong nakatingin sakin.

Nawala ang hilo ko at mas nadagdagan lang ang init ng katawan ko. Nagiinit ako sa galit. You never changed. You’re still an asshole.

“Pierce. I’ll go home.” Paalam ko kay Pierce na mukhang di narinig dahil di pa siya tapos tumalak dun sa babae.

“Maaga pa Ria. Ano baka pwede stay ka naman ng onti.” Si Marlon kahit na hindi nako mangitian at tila natatakot. All of you. Mga tarantado. Mga konsintidor.

“So? Atlis ako babae.” I heard the ugly social climber said. Muli siyang sinigawan ni Pierce na inaawat na ngayon ni Miko.

Tinapik ko lang si Pierce at naglakad nako paalis pero may humila ng kamay ko.

“Ria.”

I immediately pulled my hand. “Don’t touch me with your dirty hand.” I gritted my teeth at Amiel na di na maipinta ang mukha.

Lumakad nako palabas pero sinundan niya ako.

“Ria let’s talk. Iyong kanina.. that’s nothing-”

I turned to him snappily. My tears won’t fall dahil sa nauuna kong galit. “Nothing? You are dating me and yet you are pressing your nasty lips against that low class bitch!” I spat.

Amiel looked pissed as he clenched his jaw. “Let’s talk in my-”

“No. We have nothing to talk about. I don’t want to make a scene here. Just continue with the shitty thing you love doing.”

Isang tingin lang kay Matt ay lumapit na ito at sinabayan ako sa lakad. I heard Amiel called me.

Hinahabol ko ang paghinga ng punasan ang pisngi dahil sa bumagsak ng luha. Damn why do I got this so bad at you? Ang kapal ng mukha mo Amiel!

“Ria te! Hintay!”

Inis kong pinalis ang luha at nilingon ang tumawag. Pierce smiled apologetically at me.

“Mamaya ko na sasabunutan iyong babae. Okay ka lang?”

I shook my head as I shut my eyes. “Don’t bother. I’ll go home. Late na din naman at malapit na ang curfew ko.”

Bumuntong hininga siya. “Okay. Samahan nalang kita sa karu mo.” Muli akong umiling.

“Malayo ang pinarkan ng car ko. Balik kana. Kasama ko naman si Matt.”

“Sure ka ha? Papa Matt ingatan mo si Ria ha.”

He pressed his cheek against mine at kumaway na bago bumalik. I took a deep breath as my eyes pooled another set of tears.

Ni hindi mo manlang ako hinabol. Ni hindi mo manlang pinilit magpaliwanag. How dare you.

Nandito kami sa medyo madilim na parte ng daan dahil halos ilang metro pa ang layo ng kasunod na bar.

I am trying to breathe slowly as I am staring at the dark night sky. There are no stars tonight. Just like my heart. All I got is darkness. Halos manghina ako sa sakit.

You are dating me and yet you still flirt with another girl. Harap harapan ko pa. Hindi kana nahiya.

“Ma’am.”

“Reina.” I heard a deep menacing voice kasabay ni Matthew. Nanlalabo ang paningin ko ng lumingon. My lips twisted when I saw Anton on his white shirt and denim pants. Mariing nakatitig sakin.

Kasabay ng pagsinghot ko ay ang paghila niya sakin para ikulong sa kanyang bisig. Doon ay lalo akong napahikbi.

“Engineer. Hindi ko kasi pwedeng iwan si ma’am pero kailangan kong kunin ang sasakyan-”

“Ako na ang maghahatid Matthew. Nasa likod lang ang sasakyan ko.”

I balled my hands on the fabic on his back. I buried my face on his chest and inhaled his familiar scent. He is hushing me while gently stroking my hair.

“Let’s go. I’ll take you home.”

Kabanata 20

With my signal, Matthew went on and get my car from where he parked it earlier at sumakay nga ako kay Anton.

Tumigil lang ako sa pagiyak ng makaupo ako sa passenger seat ng Montero niya. Marahil ay sa hiya na para akong batang inagawan ng candy kung makangalngal eh kusang naubos ang luha ko.

He also opened his backseat door at tila may kinuha doon. Nang bumalik siya sa bukas kong pinto ay nakita kong inabot niya sakin ang isang gray na hoodie.

Agad kong naintindihan ang gusto niyang mangyari. Parang tumayo pa ang balahibo ko sa batok ng makita kung pano bumaba ang mga mata niya sa katawan ko at mariing sinuri ang suot ko.

He unzipped the hoodie and handed it again to me. “Wear this.” he said as I saw his jaw clenched from staring at my clothes.

I really felt confident wearing this outfit when I got out of our mansion and I even shushed dad who is protesting about my outfit pero ngayon, parang nagsisisi ako na ito ang suot ko. Sa paraan niya ng pagtitig, hindi ko mabasa kung ano ang iniisip niya habang ineestima ang damit ko.

Suminghap ako at kinuha ang hoodie sa kamay niya. Agad ko iyong sinuot ng hindi siya nililingon pero alam kong pinapanood niya akong magbihis. Halos awatin ko ang sariling mapapikit ng malanghap ang bago ng hoodie na mukhang kakapit sa katawan ko.

The way he sent my butterflies to panic mode made me swallow hard. Parang tambol ang puso ko sa pagkabog.

I successfully had my arms slipped into its sleeves pero masyadong mahaba iyon. Hirap kong mahawakan ang zipper kaya siya na ang nagtaas noon hanggang dibdib ko. I felt all the hair in my body rose.

Hindi pa niya tuluyang sinasarado ang pintuan dahil siya ang nagayos ng seatbelt ko pagkatapos kong masuot ang hoodie. Halos mabali ang leeg ko sa pagyuko dahil sa lapit ng mga mukha namin. Labis na naghuhuramentado ang dibdib ko at mas uminit ang pakiramdam ko ng dumampi ang kanyang kamay sa may leeg ko ng hilahin ang seatbelt. I can even feel his breathing on my shoulders.

“Are you hungry?” I heard him asked softly. Mahinhin lang akong umiling. Tipid sa kilos dahil nahihiya parin sa inasal kanina.

“How about a hot chocolate? To help you sleep?”

Nakagat ko ang labi at naengganyo sa inalok niya. Nanuyo din ang lalamunan ko sa labis na hikbi kanina. Pero dahil parin sa hiya ay nanatili akong walang imik.

“Hmm?” He waited for my answer at dinungaw ako. I can’t help but inhale his manly perfume. I can feel blood rushing through my cheeks. Mas dumiin ang kagat ko sa ibabang labi at mas tumungo pa.

He tried to find my gaze and when he did, he smiled softly. “Let’s get your hot chocolate.”

I curled my lips para sa maliit na ngiti. Nang makuntento sa naging tugon ko ay sinarado na niya ang pinto ng passenger seat at agad umikot para sa driver’s seat.

Kinuha kong pagkakataon ang sandaling iyon para huminga ng malalim at mapahilamos sa mukha ng palad. Wala naman nakong luha at hindi naman ako pawis pero pakiramdam ko eh ang haggard ko. I suddenly felt conscious lalo na at tinititigan niya sa malapitan ang mukha ko.

I cleared my throat and comfortably rest my back on his passenger seat ng makapasok siya. Tuwid lang ang tingin ko sa daan kahit na kita ko sa peripheral ko na nilingon niya ako.

Inistart niya ang engine at nabuhay ang aircon kaya agad akong nakaramdam ng ginhawa dahil sa kapal ng tela ng hoodie at sa nakatago kong kamay na di umabot sa laylayan ng sleeves nito. Para tuloy akong inaantok. I leaned on my headrest and shut my eyes for a bit.

The night exhausted me. Kung alam ko lang.. hindi na sana ako umalis pa ng bahay.

Narinig ko ang SUV ko na bumusina at dumaan sa harap namin. Naging hudyat iyon para magsimulang magpatakbo si Anton. Umikot naman ang sasakyan ko at sumunod samin.

Okay this is so awkward. First, I don’t even know why he got here. Did he learn from his brother? And if yes, bakit naman siya pumunta?

Or baka naman may iba siyang pupuntahan dito? Baka magiinom din?

We stopped at the drive thru of a famous coffee shop and I heard him asked for a hot chocolate.

When he reached the last window, he got the cup of my hot chocolate and thanked the girl barista. He closed his window and gave me the cup.

“Ahm..” agad akong nahiya dahil nga hindi kita ang kamay ko sa makapal na sleeves ng hoodie niya. I balled my hands into fist at pilit na pinadausdos iyon but I heard him chuckled.

Pinatong niya muna sa cup holder sa pagitan namin ang hot chocolate ko at marahan niyang hinila ang aking mga kamay. Siya na ang maingat nagtiklop ng manggas noon at iniluwa nga ang mga kamay ko.

The way his large calloused hands touched my soft hands when he did it send shivers to my spine. Para akong nakukuryente sa tuwing nagdidikit ang balat namin.

“Careful. It’s hot.” His warned me languidly when he finally handed me the hot chocolate. Ang lamig ng mga palad ko ay agad napawi ng mahawakan ang paper cup.

“T-Thank you..” my voice almost fade. Lalo akong nahiya ng marinig ang boses.

I’m not pabebe! I’m just.. embarrassed and.. ugh.

“You’re welcome.” He matched how faint my voice was. Parang buong mukha ko na ang nagiinit.

He continue driving while I’m blowing on the lid of the paper cup. Aaminin kong mas gumaan ang loob ko ng mainom ang hot chocolate. I can’t help my lips from twisting.

Bumuntong hininga ako at muling tumungga sa paper cup. Pinahinga ko pa ang labi sa lid at maingat itong inalalayan matapos uminom.

Mabilis lang ang naging biyahe dahil smooth na ang traffic. We are like a half-kilometer away from our mansion when I decided to speak up my mind.

“So..” I uttered. I gathered my strength from my now half-empty cup of hot chocolate. I wanted to know.. why he was there. At bakit niya alam na nandoon ako. Saglit ko siyang nilingon at nakitang sabay niya din akong nilingon na nakataas ang isang kilay bago binalik ang tingin sa daan.

“Why were you.. there?”

Siya naman ang narinig kong bumuntong hininga. “How about you? Why were you alone and why were you crying?” He asked and his deep baritone voice became controlled.

I pursed my lips and exhaled. “Nothing. I’m just.. tired.”

“Uhuh. Tired of what?”

Napasinghap ako sa sunod niyang tanong. Teka nga. I should be the one asking the questions here!

“Why.. were you there, Anton..” ulit ko ng hindi siya nililingon. Malalim ang bawat paghinga ko sa pagasang maibsan ang paghampas ng dibdib ko.

“I had a client meeting in a restaurant nearby.”

Okay. This late at night? Anong klaseng meeting naman kaya iyon?

Or.. baka naman kinita niya yung baby niyang katawagan niya nung graduation ko?

Ngayon ko lang siya ulit nakita pagkatapos ng araw na iyon. He said he’s on a short break. Not that I’m curious about his whereabouts but he seem to be coincidentally in the place where I’m at. Kahit noong nahuli ko si Amiel at Penelope. Bigla nalang siyang sumusulpot.

“Is it because of my brother, Reina?” I blinked out of my thoughts when I heard his question. He’s probing on his previous question I dismissed.

Hindi ko makapa ang isasagot. Dahil tama siya. At gusto kong isalba ang sarili sa kahihiyan.

He’s probably mocking me right now. Maybe he’s thinking that I deserved this from his brother because I asked him to stop courting me.

My pride didn’t let me respond. I took a deep breath at pinagpatuloy ang pagsimsim sa hot chocolate.

I heard him exhaled when I didn’t give him any answer. Let’s just.. I want to go home.

We were both silent when he reached Casa Montecarlo. He stopped few meters away from our gates like what he did before. I sighed before taking off my seatbelt.

“T-Thank you.. for the r-ride.” Mahina kong sabi ng hindi siya nililingon.

“You’re welcome.” I heard him quickly responded.

I inhaled before pursing my lips. Bubuksan ko na ang pintuan ng muli siyang magsalita.

“Is it worth it, Reina.” yet another concluding question.

Pilit kong binuksan ng pinto para sana ignorahin ang sinabi niya pero nakalock padin ito. Wala akong nagawa kundi ang lingunin siyang nakapaling ang buong katawan sa direksyon ko.

“Open the door-”

“If my brother is making you cry, then I sug-”

“It’s.. none of your business, Anton. Unlock the door and let me leave. I’m tired.” Pag alma ko.

Hindi ko matagalan ang titig niyang nanunubok kaya tinuon ko nalang ang atensyon sa maugat niyang kamay na mahigpit ang kapit sa steering wheel. God.

He sighed heavily before unlocking my door. I swallowed hard and let myself out. Nasa likod namin ang SUV ko na bukas pa ang makina. Palapit nako sa backseat ng lumabas si Matt. Dinig ko din ang pagsara ng pintuan sa likod ko. I rolled my eyes.

“Engineer. Maraming salamat po. Pasok na kami. Naghihintay na si sir.”

“Reina.” Muli akong napapikit sa irita at napatigil sa paglalakad. I’m seriously about to open my backseat door.

Pagod akong nilingon siya na ngayon ay kaonti nalang ang distansya sakin. Nakapamulsang tinititigan ako.

“What?”

His eyes scanned me from head to toe. He’s twisting his lips as if he find something amusing. Itong.. ugh! I’m tired! Ang sakit na ng paa ko. Bakit ba?

“Good night. I’ll text you when I get home.” Kahit hindi na. Pero hindi ko sinabi. I don’t want to be rude and ungrateful. Though I didn’t ask for his help. Siya lang naman ang nagpresinta maghatid sakin.

“F-Fine.”

He took another step forward and I swear my chest starts hammering. Why do you have this effect on me?

He picked out his phone from his back pocket. “I.. don’t have your number though.” He said playfully.

Inis tuloy akong napatingala sakanya na ngayon ay nakapilig ang ulo at tila aliw na aliw akong pinapanood. My breathing hitched at that sight.

“Y-You can message me on f-facebook.”

He pursed his lips but I can see hint of smirk on it even when its dark. “Mahina ang signal ko. Baka hindi magsend.” Taas kilay niyang sagot.

Eh ang text? Kung mahina ang signal edi hindi din magsesend? Litong intindi ko sa sinabi niya.

Seriously? I’m sure you got a postpaid line. Ang yaman niyo wala kang pambayad ng internet service? Is that your line when getting mobile numbers?

Aalma pa sana ako ng nilahad na niya ang cellphone niyang nakaready na ang keypad. I quickly took a glance at Matt na agad nagiwas ng tingin at matikas na nakatayo. Patay malisya.

I sighed. This.. this is awkward. I bit my lower lip at kinuha naman ang latest iPhone niya at tinipa parin ang numero ko.

Binalik ko agad ang cellphone at diko mapigilang mapanguso ng makitang sumilay ang ngisi niya. Namumungay ang mga matang nanonood sakin. Dumaan pa ang tingin niya sa katawan ko.

“Thank you. I’ll text you when I get home.” He said breathily.

Isang tango ang ginawad ko at mabilis na binuksan ang pinto at sumakay ng passenger seat. Para makapagtago sa mapanuri niyang mata at para kumalma ang paghinga ko.

Kita kong sumaludo pa sakanya si Matt bago ito pumasok ng driver’s seat at tinanaw ako sa rearview mirror.

“Tara na po ma’am.” You jerk.

“Did you call him, Matthew? Why was he there?”

Agad kong tanong. Agad nabura ang ngiti nito. Inis akong umirap at nilingon sa labas si Anton na nakatayo pading nakapamulsa at naghihintay samin.

“Ah. Hehe. Hindi po. Nagkataon lang ma’am. Bilin ni sir Rico na hindi ko aalisin ang tingin ko sayo kaya humingi nako ng pabor nung nakita mo siya. Kukunin ko ang sasa-”

“Save your explanations and fucking drive. I’m tired for goodness’ sake.” I snapped at muling nilingon si Anton na tila hinihintay kami.

Alisin mo kaya ang sasakyan mo sa harap at ng makadrive itong asungot kong bodyguard?

Matt though swiftly maneuvered the steering wheel at nakapihit siya pakanan, nilampasan ang Montero ni Anton. Dumiretso na kami patungong gate.

The security immediately opened the gates upon our turn. Wala sa sarili kong nilingon ang likod at nakitang nakatayo na ngayon si Anton malapit sa sasakyan niya.. nakatanaw padin samin.

Matt continue driving hanggang sa marating namin ang main entrance. Kung saan nakatayo si daddy sa may main double door na nakaputing tshirt at checkered pajamas. His forefarm tattoo is showing dahil nakahalukipkip itong naghihintay. I sighed.

Agad akong bumaba at tanaw ko agad ang pagkunot ng noo niya ng makita ako. What? I’m sober now. Thanks to the hot chocolate.

Lumapit ako para salubungin siya ng halik. Matigas ang mukha niyang tinignan ako mula ulo hanggang paa.

He sniffed. “Where did you get that jacket?”

Halos mamilog ang mata ko ng may marealize. Para akong nahimasmasan ng malamig na tubig ng bumaba ang tingin sa katawan at nakitang suot ko parin ang hoodie ni Anton.

Nalimutan ko ibalik!

He’s staring at my body earlier. Hindi kaya.. shit! I’m so stupid! Baka kaya siya bumaba ay akala niya ibabalik ko ang hoodie niya?

“It reeks of a man’s perfume. Kanino galing iyan Reina Ariane?” I gulped when I sensed danger in dad’s voice.

“Ahm.. kay.. Pierce. Ito lang.. ang gamit niya.. na p-perfume.” My voice shook when I looked up to him and met his menacing gaze.

Dad scoffed and smiled sarcastically. “Hah! You sure or your boy-”

“I don’t.. h-have a boyfriend.. dad. Isosoli ko din po.. kay Pierce i-iyan.” Maagap kong sagot ng tila nahulaan ang iniisip niya.

He doesn’t look convinced so I tried to ran away from that conversation at nagpaalam na akong magpapahinga na.

Pagkaakyat ko ng kwarto ay agad kong chinat si Anton. Poor signal my ass. You’re online!

“I forgot to give back your hoodie. Isosoli ko nalang.” Message ko.

Saka ko lang din nakita ang dalawang missed calls galing kay Amiel.

That’s it? No long message? No explanation at all? Fuck you! Nirestrict ko siya sa messenger at binlock naman sa imessage.

Biglang nagpop up ang reply ni Pierce sakin at nagtatanong kung nakauwi naba daw ako. I replied yes. Tinry niyang magvideo call pero sinabi kong masakit na ang ulo ko.

“Inuubos nalang namin yung last tower na inorder tapos uuwi na kami ni Penn. Gusto pa nila uminom pero hindi na kami sasama.” Chat ni Pierce.

Ansakit ng paa ko sa heels na suot. Pagkaraan ng trenta minutos kong pamamahinga ay nagpasya nakong maligo. Inihiga ko ang sarili sa mainit na tubig sa tub at pumikit.

Hope I won’t get hangover tomorrow. Parang humihilab na kasi ang ulo ko sa sakit ngayon palang.

I took a shower after that at minadali ang skincare routine dahil inaantok nako. Pagkatanggal ko ng sheet mask ay nagblowdry ako ng buhok.

My phone ding for a text message notification. Saglit kong pinatay ang blower at kinuha ang cellphone.

“I’m home.” Text ni Anton.

“Saw your chats. No worries. You can keep it if you want.” Saw that huh? Just now?

Nakagat ko ang labi at agad naramdaman ang init sa mukha. I look at my reflection in the mirror and I’m immediately flushed. Pikit akong napabuntong hininga.

Kanina.. ayaw ko pang hubarin ang jacket niya dahil inuubos ko ang bango non. Para akong lalong nalasing kakasinghot ng damit niya.

“No. It’s fine. I’ll return it to you asap.” Reply ko.

“Tomorrow, then?” Mabilis niyang reply.

“We can grab a bite. How about lunch?” Sunod nitong text. Huh? Isosoli ko lang ang hoodie. Bakit pa kakain?

I’ve been composing a reply yet keep on erasing it afterwards. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang itatype na sagot. It sucks kasi alam kong makikita niya din ang typing bubble sa imessage. Lalo akong napepressure magsend agad ng reply.

Stupid, Ria! You just have to say no. Bakit antagal mo pa sumagot? At bakit kailangan mo pang itanong kung bakit maglalunch?

“You should rest. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Anton’s text popped up. Ni hindi ko manlang nasagot ang una niyang text.

“For my jacket.” Pahabol niya.

Para akong naliliyo sa bilis ng paghabol ko sa aking paghinga. You’re just overreacting, Ria. Yeah right. Isosoli ko ang hoodie niya bukas. Tapos uuwi na ako. Simple.

Hah!

Agad kong tinapon ang katawan sa kama at padapang sinubsob ang mukha sa malaking unan. I’m so tired and the cocktail is still making my head spin. Should I drink another hot chocolate?

Nagising ako kinabukasan na pumipintig ang ulo sa sakit. Manang has been knocking on my door for breakfast. Annoying old lady!

A couple more attempts of waking me up at bugnot na bugnot akong nagbukas ng pinto at matalim na tingin ang sinalubong sakanya.

“Kanina kapa pinapagising ng daddy mo.” Habol sakin ni manang ng makababa ako ng grand staircase.

Pikit mata akong banas ka napakamot sa ulo. My head fucking hurts! Hindi na nga ako nakapagayos o nanalamin manlang dahil nagmamadali daw si dad!

Naunahan ako ni manang sa dining at dinig ko agad ang malalim na boses ni dad.

“Hindi padin ba bumabangon manang?”

“Ahh.. ehh.. sir-”

Hindi na natuloy ni manang ang sasabihin dahil agad ko siyang nilampasan pero di ako napansin ni dad. Sa may kabisera ay si dad na nakaVersace poloshirt and his usual eyeglasses na may binabasa sa iPad. Nagangat lang siya ng tingin sakin ng humalik ako sa pisngi niya.

“Morning. Where are you going?” Paos kong tanong. Why you have to wake me up?

“Good morning. I’ll meet up with your titos. We might play golf kaya kanina pa kita pinapagising.” His brow raised as he scanned my face. I pouted.

“My head hurts. I don’t want to go.” Sagot ko at naupo na. A house helper placed a plate and a highball glass in front of me.

Dad scoffed. “Because you were drinking too much and now you’re dehydrated. Drink more liquids today.”

I exhaled habang pinapanood ang kasambahay magsalin ng milk ko sa isa pang baso.

“Eat up and take a bath so we can leave past eight.” Si dad na ngayon ay sumisimsim ng kape.

“Dad. Ayaw ko nga po sama.” Bagsak balikat kong sagot kaya nilingon niya ako.. naninimbang ng reaksyon.

“But you’ll be alone here. Mamaya pa ako makakauwi.”

“Well.. I’m.. kinda going out.. too.” Hindi sigurado pero dahil may unread text pa sakin si Anton saying “see you” or something kaninang paggising ko eh baka ngayon ko nga isoli ang hoodie niya.

Agad nagsalubong ang kilay ng daddy, giving me a stern look. “Don’t tell me you’ll go out drinking again?” Nahihimigan ko na agad ang pagtutol niya.

I swallowed the food I chewed before shaking my head. “Nope. May kikitain lang po.”

Both his forearms rested on the table and tilted his head while squinting his eyes at me.

I sighed. Pano ba to. “Ahm.. I’ll meet up with my classmates.. baka sa mall. Milktea lang or snacks.. or something. Hindi po ako gagabihin.”

I saw dad pursed his lips. “Uhuh. Kasama ba ang nagpahiram ng jacket na iyon sayo kagabi?”

Diko napigilan ang pagikot ng mata. “Yes. Si Pierce po. Kasama nga.” Trying to be assertive when responding or else pagdududahan lang ako lalo ni dad.

Well.. mukhang hindi naman kami nahuhuli. Magaling magsinungaling itong si Matt eh.

Or he knows because Matt is actually reporting it to him? At baka hinuhuli niya lang talaga kung aamin or magsisinungaling ako?

Fuck!

Natahimik si dad kaya medyo pinaspasan ko ang pagkain. Tapos na din naman siya at nagkakape nalang.. talagang hinihintay akong magising.

“And you said you’ll be home by what?” Muli siyang nagtanong.

To be honest.. not sure. Ang gusto ko lang ang maisoli ang hoodie niya para wala akong utang na loob. But if he has other plans.. then.. I don’t.. really know.

“N-Not sure. Pero di po ako gagabihin.. talaga.”

He took a last sip on his coffee before standing next to me. Marahan niyang hinagod ang braso ko at napatingala ako sakanya.

“I really want to bring you with me today. Para hindi ka naman mabagot sa bahay.” He forced a smile kaya bahagya akong naguilty. Well.. I don’t like golf and he’s with tanders and paniguradong aasarin lang ako ni tito Raymond kaya di din ako mageenjoy.

“Okay lang naman po ako.” I muttered habang nanguya.

He sighed. “I’ll be back sooner then. I’ll be home before you.”

I swallowed. “It’s okay.. dad. You should.. enjoy po.” Pero umiling lang ito at sinuklay ang buhok ko.

“I’ll leave now. Maaga akong uuwi mamaya. Aasahan kong hindi ka nga gagabihin Reina. Manang. Ikaw na muna ang bahala.” He kissed my forehead before leaving the dining area.

Manang came out of nowhere and said goodbye to dad with obedience to his command. Nagtanong siya kung anong gusto kong luto sa tanghalian pagtapos ko kumain pero tumanggi na ako. Maaga akong aalis na wala din si dad kaya sila sila lang ang kakain sa bahay.

Nagvideo call kami ni Pierce pagkaakyat kong muli ng kwarto. Nagkwento lang siya ng nangyari pagkaalis ko. Nangibabaw lang ang kalandian niya dahil kilig na kilig daw siyang parang girlfriend na inaawat ni Miko nung muntik niyang hilahin iyong buhok ng babaeng kahalikan ni Amiel kagabi.

“Pinauwi ko sila teh! Ayaw. Amiel was also mum about it last night. Aba eh kung ayaw nila pauwiin pwes kami ang uuwi!” Si Pierce.

I didn’t know if he’s messaging me. Pinipigilan ko ang sariling maging marupok na huwag siyang iunblock or huwag irestrict. Ganun din naman ang isip ni Pierce. Tama lang daw ang ginawa ko at huwag na huwag ko daw sasagutin ang mga text at tawag.

“Pag ikaw nabola pa niyan. Hindi ko na alam bakla ka!” Angil nito sa video call.

I guess I’m expecting for any respect. We don’t have any label with what we have kaya wala din naman akong masusumbat sakanya. We’re dating but I don’t think it’s going serious. Respeto nalang sana ang kailangan ko. Wala pa. Asshole.

Bumaba ang tingin ko sa bracelet niya at sa inis ko eh hinubad ko iyon at binalik sa drawer ng vanity table ko. I stared at my reflection at nagpasyang hubarin din ang hikaw na bigay niya.

“Is lunch time okay?”

Basa ko sa text niya. I still have an hour at sabi niya naman ay babyahe pa siya.

“Fine.” Nagpasya na akong maligo at magayos. I pulled off a knee-length body hugging dress and my Stan Smith. Hah! You can’t judge me with your menacing eyes now. Balot na balot ako kahit ang init init!

I shouldn’t be bothered and I know I will wear whatever I want to wear. Pero hindi talaga ako mapakali kapag pinapadaanan niya ng tingin ang suot o katawan ko.

“Paalis na ako.” Text ko sakanya. Hindi pa man ako nakakalabas ng kwarto ay nagring agad ang phone ko sa tawag niya.

“Hello?” I answered the call, confused. I can hear some faint background noise.

“Hello, Reina.” He said breathily. Halos manginig ako ng madinig ang boses niya sa kabilang linya.

“Y-Yes? Paalis na n-nga ako..”

“Can you stay home for a bit? Paalis na din ako. I just don’t want you to wait.”

Kununot ang noo ko. “It’s just near, yeah? May pupuntahan kapa ba?” Nasa ba siya?

I heard him sighed on the other line. “Sa Makati pa kasi ako manggagaling. Naglalaro kami.. kasama ang daddy at tito mo.”

Oh?

“Mmm. O-Okay. I can just.. return this to you some other time then.” My brows twitched when I stare at his hoodie on my bed. Pinalabhan ko pa kay manang ito kanina at sinabing kailangang matuyo din to agad.

Or I can ask him to pick this up nalang? Kaso naisip ko na baka biglang umuwi si dad. Mahuli pa na hindi nga kay Pierce to!

“No. I’ll see you today. Aalis na ako. Itetext kita kapag malapit na ako.”

“Then I can leave too so we can meet up on time. You made a reservation right?” Diko magets ang logic niya.

“I don’t want you to wait there alone, Reina. I’ll just text you if malapit na ako.”

I heard someone called him. I bit my lip due to uneasiness. Magiisip pa sana ako pero sina dad at tito pala ang kasama niya.

“Hello?” Tawag niya sakin sa kabilang linya.

“Yes.”

“Magpapaalam na ako sakanila. I’ll see you later.”

“O-Okay. Bye.”

“Bye, Reina.” My lips twisted at agad na pinatay ang tawag bago kumuha ng maraming hangin.

“I’ll wait then.” I shrugged at umupo sa edge ng kama at nagscroll muna sa tiktok fyp.

Diyos ko ang Anton. Anong petsa na! Though it’s the weekend pero di naman nawawala ang traffic. Sana pala nagpaluto nalang ako ng lunch kay manang.

An hour have passed at muling tumunong ang cellphone ko. “Yes?” I’m starving! Lalo tuloy akong naaansha!

“I’m sorry. Are you hungry? Do you want to eat at home first?”

“Where are you? It’s okay if you can’t make it. Pwede mo naman sa ibang araw kunin ito-”

“Nasa San Vicente na ako. Natraffic lang. I’m sorry.”

Mabilis naman akong tumayo at kinuha ang bag at ang hoodie niya ng marinig na malapit na siya. Finally!

“I’ll leave now.” Paalam ko. Slightly pissed.

“Okay. I’m really sorry. I’ll see you in a bit.”

The drive was fast. Or dahil sa masama ang timpla ko at pinagmamadali ko si Matt kaya mabilis din naming narating ang restaurant. Matt only see me get inside at bumalik din ng sasakyan.

“Good afternoon. Do you have a reservation, ma’am?”

“For Anthony Rodriguez.” My tongue rolled in an unusual way at that.

The receptionist smiled widely at me. “This way, ma’am. Naghihintay na po si sir.”

Giniya niya ako sa isang mas pribadong space. Kita kong tinuro niya ang brown double door na kakabukas lang at may pumasok na waiter na may tinutulak na cart ng pagkain.

“Here po ma’am.” Ani receptionist ng sinamahan akong pumasok. I immediately swe Anton and watched him stood snappily when he saw me entered the room. Nakapoloshirt din ito at puting pants.

Food is already being served at may nirerequest pa si Anton. The receptionist is about to ask me to sit pero pinigilan siya ni Anton.

“We’ll manage. Thank you.”

“Thank you po sir. Enjoy po kayo ma’am.” Yuko nito at lumabas na kasama nung server.

Pigil akong napasinghap ng lumapit sakin si Anton. Mabilis kong binaling ang tingin sa paper bag na may lamang hoodie niya.

“Uhh.. here.” Abot ko. Halos manindig ang balahibo ko sa kamay ng dumampi ang magaspang niyang palad doon at kinuha ang paper bag. Nilapag niya iyon sa ilalim ng mesa sa pagitan namin.

He pulled a chair for me to sit and I did.

“Thank you for coming. I’m terribly sorry I made you wait.” My heart throbbed.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang nagwawala.. yung kumakalam na sikmura ko o yung dibdib ko.

“It’s fine. Let’s eat. I’m starving.” I agreed to this lunch anyway. Pero sana pala kumain ako sa bahay. Hmp!

“I hope you don’t mind. I already ordered. Do you want anything else?” Tanong niya ng makaupo sa tapat ko.

He ordered almost everything on the menu I guess at dahil gutom na ako ay hindi na ako mamimili!

“I’m good. Andami.. ng inorder m-mo.” So much for returning his hoodie, huh?

I pursed my lips when I saw him smile. Napahugot tuloy ako ng malalim na hininga. “It’s okay. We can take out the rest home kung hindi natin maubos.” He said, still flashing his pearl-white set of teeth. Agad akong nagiwas ng tingin.

We dig in at dahil gutom nga ako eh tahimik akong nakatuon ang buong atensyon sa plato.

“I’m sorry. Hindi ako agad pinaalis at medyo natraffic. It won’t happen again.” Nilingon ko si Anton na palipat lipat ang tingin sakin at sa plato ko.

Oh my. Did I lose my poise? You can’t blame me! Though, I can’t be mad at him too kahit nayayamot ako kanina. He’s apologizing too much.

Mabilis kong nginuya ang pagkain at uminom ng tubig. Anton raised a brow at me, lips pursing as if hiding a smirk. Muntik pa akong masamid. I’m hungry!

“It’s fine. We don’t.. really have to.. do this. I can just return it to you some other time. Para hindi din sila magtanong.. sayo.”

His knuckles are now playing on his lower lip as his right elbow is resting on the table. “You can keep it though. It’s yours if you want.”

Agad akong umiling. “No. Ibabalik ko.” Sabay baba ng tingin sa paper bag sa ilalim ng mesa.

“Alright. Let’s eat first.” Kibit balikat niya at nagalok pa ng isang dish na tinikman ko.

We are almost done eating at sobrang awkward dahil pinaglalaruan ko nalang ang fork sa plato ko. The voice inside my head is urging me to leave but I don’t want to be rude. Hindi ko din alam kung ano ang ieexcuse bakit ako aalis agad.

“What are your plans for your short vacation?” He opened up a topic. I must commend him for being this casual to me. Despite.. how we cut things..

I cleared my throat. “Not much. I want to stay at home. Pag malapit na ang pasukan ako bibili ng gamit.. and magmove sa unit ko.”

His brows arched cockily. “You’re really moving out?”

“Y-Yeah. Sa penthouse.. ni dad.”

He sniffed. “He allowed you to live alone?”

My lips curled before nodding. “I’ll.. shop for decoration.. my clothes.. and my school supplies.. before I move out.”

“Alright. I can help you with that.” Huh?

Anton must saw the big question mark above my head and he chuckled. “I’ll stay home for a while, Reina. Your father allowed me so.”

And? It doesn’t mean that..

He cut my thoughts as he continued “I can help you shop.. for your things.” He added as he’s now playing with the lip of his water goblet.

“It’s okay. I can manage-”

“I want my chance, Reina.” My breathing hitched when his deep-set eyes darted at me.

“I went home. So I can have my chance.” He blurted out and I almost stopped breathing.

I shifted uncomfortably on my seat. Hilaw akong natawa. “Well I don-”

“You asked me to stop.. but I can’t.” He said in a lazy drawl and my chest hammered at that.

My knees trembled under the table when I saw his eyes turned menacing “I will still pursue you, Reina. You should give me a fair chance. I still want the date you owe me.”

Kabanata 21

“Hah.”

I laughed with full of sarcasm. Hindi maawat sa pilit na halakhak dahil nagpupuyos ako sa inis sakanya. Siya naman tong salubong ang kilay na nakatanaw sakin.

“That’s one way to make me laugh, engineer.” I spat. His brow immediately shot up. Kita ko din ang paggalaw ng panga niya.

“Reina-”

“Don’t play with me, Anton. I know what you’re doing.” I gritted my teeth as I gave him a dagger look.

I can see him exhale from here. Mas umigting ang magkabilang panga.

“This is you’re way of getting revenge, yeah? I turned you down, and you wanted to get even. Kaya kaba pumunta sa kung saan nandun ako?” Di maitago ang pait sa boses ko.

Liar. How can you say that you will pursue me? Eh obvious namang may iba kana! Jerk! Asshole! Just like your brother!

He leaned a bit forward na para bang hindi ako naintindihan. “What are you talking about-”

“Oh quit pretending, please!” Inis kong daing. “You wanted to date me yet you already have a girlfriend? What? Are you going to cheat on her with me? I can’t believe you!” Patuloy kong panunumbat. Kita ko ang pagbabago ng reaksyon niya. Mula sa pagkalito ay umiling ito at napangisi.

“What? Where did you get that-” his voice remained soft kaya mas lalo akong nainis. Tila inaasar lang niya ako. Bistado kita!

“Damn you! I won’t fall for your trap! I will never date you!”

I saw pain flashed from his eyes on a split-second but he kept his playful smirk. Tignan mo ang kapal ng mukha ng isang to!

Talagang malas siguro ako sa dating. With Amiel, he can only be sweet to me when we are alone together. Tapos sweet din siya sa iba. Nakikipaghalikan pa!

Tapos sa kuya, obvious ng may iba pero lumalandi padin! Fuck you both!

Habol ko ang paghinga dahil sa sobrang galit. Halos maginit na ang gilid ng mga mata ko. No. I won’t cry. I won’t give you the satisfaction. I will never like you. Wala kang pinagiba sa bunso mong kapatid.

“You said I have a girlfriend? Really? Saan mo nakuha iyan-”

“Don’t deny it! I saw your Facebook story! At hindi ba katawagan mo pa nung graduation ko? Pwede ba! Kung maggigirlfriend ka ay gumamit ka ng ibang endearment! Baby ang tinatawag mo sakin tapos baby din ang tawag mo sakanya? Ano ka ama ng bayan?” May halong insulto kong balik. I know I sounded bitter pero ano naman? Tangina mo din Anton eh!

His eyes widened a fraction before he smiled so widely. He chuckled and stared at me intently.

You are literally trying to make me fall! Kung kumagat pala ako sa panunuyo mo sakin last year malamang eh luhaan na ako ngayon dahil mukhang may iba ka ding babae!

“Ah. That. So it bothered you, huh?” Namumungay na titig nito at di nabubura ang malokong ngisi.

Sa gitna ng galit ko ay patuloy padin sa pagkabog ang dibdib ko. Fucking..

I will not stay seated here and be humiliated. Kung nageenjoy kang pinaglalaruan ako eh pwes, diyan kana! Suminghap ako at kinuha ang bag saka tumayo. Kita ko ang agad na pagkaalarma sakanya at tumayo din ng tinalikuran ko na siya.

“Reina. Wait, please.”

I felt his calloused hand touched my forearm ng awatin niya ako sa gitna ng paglalakad. Inis kong binawi ang braso at hinarap siya.

“Don’t touch me, you cheater! Doon ka sa girlfriend mo!” If I didn’t know better, nabilog mo na sana ang ulo ko.

“I am. And my girlfriend is definitely throwing a fit.” He said lazily yet in an amused tone. He gently pulled my other forearm in attempt to close our distance.

“What are you talking about? Let me go at uuwi na ako!” Pilit kong hinila ang braso ko pero mas mahigpit ngayon ang kapit niya. Sa pagpiglas ay nahawakan niya din ang isang braso ko at parehas iyong kinulong sa kanyang dibdib.

“Did it give you sleepless nights then? Were you overthinking that I’m with someone else?” Namamaos niyang tanong. Ayaw ko siyang tingalain dahil pinapahiya ako ng luha ko.

Kung ayaw ko pala at pinagtatabuyan ko siya eh bat ako ko ngayon? I’m fuming mad for sure!

“Good. Just like what you’re doing to me. Very good.” Mayabang niyang sabi. Matalim ko siyang tinignan pero agad din akong umiwas dahil nabubwisit ako sa nakakaloko niyang ngiti. Pinilig ko ang pisngi ko pero napunasan padin ng hinlalaki niya ang pumatak kong luha.

He chuckled. “And now you’re crying because you’re jealous? Silly. You c-”

“What? In your dreams! I’m not jealous! Pwede ba? I want to go home!”

“Yes. You can’t be jealous of yourself, can you?” He tilted his head to meet my eyes pero pilit kong iniiwas ang tingin. Ano daw?

I heard him sighed. “It’s not what I intended. You actually got it the wrong way.”

I scoffed. Wala ng planong makinig. Muli akong nagpumiglas pero mas nahila niya ako palapit sakanya.

He lifted my chin up with his left index finger while he is holding my hands with his right hand. “That story, huh? It was for you, baby. Just for you.” My heart pounded when I heard that fucking endearment.

“Sinungaling. Bitiwan mo ako Anton.” Pagod kong pagtutol. Inikot ikot ko ang kamay ko pero hindi naman lumuwag ang pagkakahawak niya sakin. Mas diniin niya pa ang mga kamay ko sa dibdib niya.

“I missed you so bad. I wanted to let you know that I miss you, so I posted that story on Facebook. Good thing you saw that. It’s my first time.” Totoo namang iyon ata ang una niyang story. Wala na siyang mga sumunod na inupload pagkatapos noon. Pero para sakin? Hah! Funny!

He finally let go of my hands to cupped my face. I pursed my lips as I saw his playful smirk slowly fading. “Hush now. Don’t cry. I’m sorry. That story was for you and not for someone else. I just.. missed you. I can’t help myself.”

I said I won’t believe him. Pero parang andali dali niyang kunin ang loob ko. Hindi ko alam kung saang parte ng sinabi niya ako huminahon.

He moved my face a bit as he demands me to look back to him. I saw his now heavy-lidded eyes locked on me. “You’re my baby. Please don’t ever think that I will be with someone else.”

“Sino yung kausap mo nung graduation ko kung ganon.” Nakanguso kong balik. Hindi makilala ang pagtatampo sa boses.

I heard him chuckled. “It’s one of our architects on site. Diba sabi ko ay para sa trabaho iyon? Hmm?”

“Come on, you can check my call history if you want.” Natatawa niyang alok ng hindi ako sumagot. Kinakapa niya ngayon ang cellphone sa bulsa.

“No need. I want to go.” I’m now saving myself. Hiyang hiya ako ng marealize ang pagwawala ko kanina. It’s unnecessary! How dramatic!

“Just check it, Reina. Here.” He insisted and offered his phone pero diko kinuha.

“O-Okay na. Tara na.” Bahagya kong nililingon ang pintuan sa likod para makuha niyang gusto ko ng umalis.

He chuckled. “Alright. Isesettle ko lang ang bill.” Ngiting ngiting sabi nito kaya nagpatawag kami ng waiter. Pinatakeout din namin ang mga natirang pagkain.

I’m harshly biting my lip as I impatiently wait for the waiter to go back with Anton’s card. Hindi na ako umupo at ganun din naman si Anton. Hawak niya ang paper bag ng tinakeoit namin at ang isang paper bag na may hoodie niya.

Nang makabalik ang hinihintay ay agad akong nagmartsa palabas ng restaurant. Alam kong nakasunod siya agad sakin.

Sa labas ay si Matthew na nakahilig sa may sasakyan at naninigarilyo. Agad niyang inapakan ang upos at tumayo ng tuwid ng makita akong lumabas. Agad lang tumagos ang tingin niya sa may likuran ko.

“May pupuntahan pa ho ba kayo ma’am?”

“No. I want to go home.”

“Sige ho.” At binuksan niya na ang pintuan ng backseat.

“Reina.” Di ako successful na nakapasok ng sasakyan dahil sa tawag ni Anton.

“Mmm?” Nagtaas lang ako ng kilay. Tipid na tipid sa reaksyon ng nilingon siya. He sighed and went up to me kaya napasinghap ako. Inabot niya ang paper bag ng takeout na agad ko namang kinuha.

Does he know the word personal space? We’re literally making a show in front of my bodyguard! Magaabot lang ng pagkain eh sobrang lapit pa namin sa isat isa!

“Thank you for having lunch with me.”

Suminghap lang ako at tumango. Umaamba ng sasakay.

“So tonight..” pahabol niya kaya napairap ako sa kawalan.

I turned to face him again with a stern look. “Can I call?” He asked languidly.

What for? I want to ask. I want to turn down his request but if he will ask another question.. lalo kaming magtatagal… na ganito ang asta sa tapat ng bodyguard ko.

“B-Bahala ka. I’ll go n-now.” Hindi ko na siya binigyan ng pagkakataong sumagot at agad akong sumakay. Sa loob ay kita ko pang sumaludo si Matt kay Anton at saka umikot sa driver’s seat.

“Kakauwi lang ni sir ma’am. Nagtatanong ho kung magtatagal paba kayo.” Si Matt.

“Do you tell dad..”

Natigil si Matt sa pagmaniobra sana ng manibela. I know he’s watching me on the rearview mirror. I swallowed hard as I watched Anton outside waiting for my car to leave.

“About.. A-Anton.. and..” hirap kong dugtong habang nakatanaw parin kay Anton na naniningkit ang mata marahil sa init ng araw sa labas. I heaved a deep sigh. Thank God my car is tinted.

“Hindi po kailanman ma’am.” My lips twisted as I glanced at Matt in the rearview mirror. Agad kong nahuli ang mata niya.

Nanatili ang titig ko sa harap at nakita kong saglit niyang nilingon si Anton sa gilid namin bago nagsimulang magmaneho.

“Gusto ni sir na mabantayan lahat ng galaw mo. Pero kayo ho ang amo ko ma’am. Alam kong may mga bagay ako na hindi na dapat sinasama tuwing nagrereport ako sakanya.”

I let out another sigh of relief. So all this time, dad has no idea that Anton and I are seeing this way.

I’m thankful to him for being this loyal to me then. If dad only knew, matagal na siyang nasisante. Kahit pa anak siya ni tito Matias. Dad and mom’s previous bodyguard.

“Take care. Thank you for today.” I saw Anton’s text message. Nakanguso akong nakatulala sa screen.

Pagdating ng bahay ay nasa patio ang daddy namamahinga sa mga lounger namin. Nakahalukipkip ito pero kita mong nakapikit sa likod ng suot na eyeglasses.

I wanted to spook him kaya dahan dahan akong lumapit. Though even when half-asleep, dad is still cautious of his surroundings. Sa paghakbang ko palang na lumikha ng mahinang ingay ay agad na siyang kumislot at lumingon sa gawi ko. Ako pa ang natigilan sakanya. Wow. I failed.

“Reina.”

Ngumiti padin ako. “I’m home.” I went to kiss his cheek.

“Uhuh.” Umupo ako sa katabi ng kanyang sun lounger.

“You should have stayed out longer, dad. Minsan ka lang pong lumabas to enjoy.” I said a matter of factly. I can’t believe he really ditched his game with the tanders dahil inaantay niya akong umuwi nga ng maaga.

Tipid lang itong umiling at mas nagigting ang malaking braso sa poloshirt sa pagkakahalukipkip. “Nah. I’d rather wait for you. I’ll see if you’re really not going out to drink.” Ngisi niya kaya napairap ako.

“Kumain na po ba kayo? Ahm.. I have.. I brought takeout.” Naalala ko. Gusto kong hatiin saming dalawa ni Anton ito pero pinauwi na niya sakin ang lahat ng natirang pagkain.

His brow shot up. “Hmm. I can eat. Pero kumain na din naman kami kanina bago ako umuwi.”

Doon na namin napiling kumain. Dahil sweets lang naman at tirang chicken drumsticks ang uwi ko ay hindi na nagpalabas ng plato si daddy. We’ll eat it with our bare hands from the takeout container.

“So you went out on a date?” Naniningkit nitong pagaakusa at nakataas pa ang kilay pagkatapos suriin ang pagkaing dala ko galing sa kilalang restaurant. Napangiti akong umiling.

When will you accept the fact that I’m allowed to date, daddy? Kung buhay lang si mommy ay baka siya pa nga ang nagrereto sakin. I just know it. You can’t do anything about it but be grumpy and stubborn.

“H-Hindi po.” I said half-heartedly. Baka bumunghalit siya ng sermon dito kung inamin ko ang totoo.

“Hah.” He scoffed. “Reina. Remember our agreement. You are onl-”

I grunted. “Lumabas lang po.. kasama ang mga kaibigan.. diba?” Kaya di ako nakakapagexplore. I’m still inexperienced because of you.

Suminghap ito at nagpapak sa chicken. Hindi kumbinsido base sa titig niya sakin. “And this is what you ate? How cheap-”

Hindi ko na napigilan ang pagtawa kaya lalong nabanas ang mukha niya. Ayaw padin pakawalan ang ideyang nakipagdate nga ako. “Dad! Hindi nga po. And excuse me? You said it yourself that you used to bring mommy takeout-”

“So? Don’t patronize me because that’s different, Reina! If this is what a boy can only afford to feed you then he is not good for you.” He sounded so bitter and condescending while shaking his head to prove a point. I sighed.

“Bahala ka sa kung anong gusto mong isipin daddy. I just went out.. and had lunch with my friends.” I shrugged. Pinaninindigan ang pagsisinungaling.

Wala naman siyang pruweba. Or that I’m not sure? Basta. Kakasabi lang ni Matt na hindi siya nagsasabi about Anton kay dad so I’m confident he won’t get anything.

True to his word, Anton called me that night. Like how we used to communicate before. Wala naman kaming masyadong pinagusapan but he still wants to call me before I sleep. May tinatapos din siyang plates kaya may sinandalan lang siya sa desk ng phone niya for me to see that he’s busy sa pagdodrawing. He’s topless and his carpeted chest is on display at laking pasasalamat ko dahil hindi niya minsan malingon ang screen kaya hindi niya ako nahuhuling parang ewan na nakatulala sakanya. What? He’s probably doing it on purpose. While here I am… watching how his big arms flexed… whenever he is drawing lines on that large… white paper.

He wanted to keep the call kahit nung nagpaalam akong matutulog na. Is he stupid? Lolowbatin ko ang iPad for that? Isa pa ay may ginagawa din siya. His excuse ay kapag natapos daw siya ay siya na ang magbababa ng tawag. He wants to watch me sleep.

Dahil nahihiya ako ay hindi ako pumayag. Tumawag nalang kako siya bukas kung ganon. Gosh is he serious? Pano kung nakanganga pala ako matulog? That’s embarrassing!

I woke up the next day with his text na may aasikasuhin siya sa kanilang business. Mamaya daw niya susubukang tumawag kapag gising na ako.

So we’re basically back to our old setup of calls. I don’t even know if this will do any good for me but whatever.

“When are you going to visit your doctor?” Si dad ng nagbibreakfast. Nakacorporate attire dahil pupunta sa office.

Nagkibit balikat ako. “The last physical and lab results were fine. I planning to skip my visit this year.”

I heard him exhaled. “You know why we are doing this, Reina. It’s for your own sake. I want to be sure that you’re healthy and-”

“I know and I am dad. Never naman po akong nagkasakit. The doctor even recommended to have the check-up annually nalang po right? I can do that by the end of this year.”

Nakagat ko ang labi at minix ang milk sa bowl ng champorado ko habang ang daddy ang pinaling ang katawan sa direksyon ko. Semi-annually kasi niya pinapacheck ang dugo ko. Even our doctor thinks it’s too much last time!

“You must be mistaken, princess. I’m not asking your permission to go see our family doctor. What I want you to do is visit him and be examined. End of discussion.” His voice turned menacing. I sighed.

“You’ll have it done by this week.” Pahabol niya. I took a deep breath. Ang aga aga kaya hindi na ako nakipagtalo pa.

Hindi niya ako pinayagang gumala hanggat di ako nachicheck ng doctor namin kaya to ease his mind, we asked for our doctor who’s also working in the Medical Center here in San Vicente.

Nasa MECS si dad but he said he’ll wait for the result when its out. Andito kami sa study. Our doctor got some laboratory specimen from me, blood most especially. Then we proceed to physical exam.

“That should be it. The results will be out it three days. Itong physical exam, I can send the certificate to Mr. Montecarlo tomorrow. Don’t forget your visit to your endocrinologist too alright?” Ngiti sakin ng matandang doctor.

I sighed. “Thanks, doc. If you could.. just.. never mind.” Pinanood ko nalang siyang nagaayos ng gamit. Meron din siyang kasamang nurses to assist.

He smiled apologetically. “It’s good since we are doing your physical exam annually. No need for a follow-up by end of this year. Ako na ang bahalang magpaliwanag sa daddy mo.”

Ngumit ako ng pilit. “T-Thank you.. doc.” Tumango lang ito.

“Please bear with your father, hija. He’s just.. really cautious. I’ve seen him devastated when your.. you know.” He shrugged his shoulders. “He’s just very particular sa kalusugan mo.”

Tumayo na ako ng umambang tumayo din ang doktor. “Please, dito na po kayo maglunch.”

Nakangiti itong umiling at tinapik ako sa balikat. “Salamat hija pero hindi na muna. May appointment na nakaschedule sakin sa hospital eh. Mauna na kami.”

“Alright. I’ll have you escorted outside po. Thanks, again doc.”

I asked some househelpers to escort our family doctor and his nurses outside. Ipapahatid ko sana sa SVMC pero pinick up na sila ng hospital.

The results were out days later and I’m completely healthy. Endocrinologist ko ang sunod na nagcheck sakin at tuloy lang daw ang dosage ng hormones ko. She’s satisfied with my current lab test result. At least dad has his peace of mind. Now what we are arguing about is my plan to drive my own car.

Binaba ni dad ang kubyertos at tinuon ang tingin sakin. “I said no. It’s unnecessary for you to drive your own car just because you are going to college. You have Matthew to drive you to places you want to go. I don’t see any-”

“Pero dad. How can I be independent? You agreed for me to live alone, isn’t driving my own car the same? Edi parang nakadepende parin ako kay Matt kung kaya ko naman siyang-”

“That’s dangerous, Reina. I will never allow it.” Dad said with finality kaya napasungo ako. My brows meet its inner corners but dad doesn’t even flinch to me giving him dagger eyes. If not, he’s matching mine with his ruthless gaze.

“Edi ikaw po ang magturo sakin? We can drive here outside our house. We can try?” Hindi padin sinusukuan ang ideyang magdrive ako.

Dad exhaled impatiently and shook his head in disbelief. Gusto kong matawa. “And of course I will only drive on my way to school. Kung malayo ang pupuntahan ko.. I have Matt to bring me. I just.. want to try.” I pleaded.

Hindi na siya sumagot. Parang isang linggo ko siyang sinuyo sa ganon at halos bwisit na bwisit akong kausap palagi si Anton sa gabi dahil doon.

“What if you will teach me nalang? You know how to drive naman?” A bulb lit on top of my head.

Kita ko agad ang pagkunot ng mukha niya sa screen. “I won’t. You will not sneak out just to learn how to drive. Stop pushing it, Reina. Your father said no.” Ay ang ganda. Hmp!

“Well.. ayaw mo non. If you teach me how to drive, then we have time to see each other?” I’m trying my best to hide my smirk dahil pinapanood niya ako sa iPad.

I’m genius. He’s asking me on when can we go out again. Ito lang si daddy ang ayaw akong palabasin ng bahay kahit tapos na ang check up ko. Kahit nung nagaya si Pierce na magswimming nung nakaraan ayaw niya.

I saw his eyes lit up from the temptation. Papayag na yan!

The speaker muffled because he sighed. “I can wait if you’re not allowed to go out. Kung hindi pumayag ang daddy mo, hindi rin kita para turuan magmaneho Reina.” Matigas na sabi nito kaya napairap ako.

“Whatever! What’s wrong with you people!” Inis kong daing at pinatay na din ang tawag.

Is it wrong? Women drives their own car. Possible iyon. And it’s a matter of you being a responsible driver and obedient with the traffic rules. I can do it. Dad is just overreacting and he’s being unreasonable for it.

“Hmm. If mom was here, I know she will trust me enough to drive my own car. She will put her trust in me. That I can do anything on my own.” I spat at daddy one night we’re having dinner.

This is my last straw. Kung hindi ko siya kokonsensyahin at gagamitin si mommy.. hindi iyan magbabago ng isip. Fingers crossed!

I saw how he was stiffened on my peripheral with what I said pero patay malisya akong kumakain. I can feel him staring at me. I then heard a heavy sigh.

“It’s not that I don’t trust you. I’m just.. worried about your safety, Reina. If something ever happens to you.. I can never forgive myself.” Si dad sa kalmado ng boses.

I’m smirking internally. Onti nalang. I know it will always work. Go mommy!

I shrugged my shoulders and throw him a quick stern look. “It’s true. You don’t trust me enough that I will follow the traffic rules. You think I’ll be a careless driver kaya ako maaaksid-”

“I never said that, princess. That’s not what I meant-”

“Then I don’t see a problem if I will get a driver’s license. There’s an exam right? And you can teach me prior. Kahit dito lang satin. I know because some of my classmates nagpapractice silang magdrive inside their village.” Pagpupumilit ko.

Hindi mabura ang ngisi ko ng mahiga sa kama pagkatapos magpatuyo ng buhok. Of course he agreed. I used my mommy card. Dad said he’ll teach me to drive here paikot sa labas ng bahay namin. Then I can get a professional driving instructor for my student permit. Ang condition niya lang, I can only drive when going in and out of school. Kung iba na ang pupuntahan.. si Matthew dapat.

I’m so happy na good mood ako kahit nakasimangot si Anton sa facetime dahil hindi ko siya masyadong nirereplyan simula pa kagabi.

“You’re lucky your dad loves you so much. I still think you’re better off with a driver.” Panguuyam nito sakin kaya sinamaan ko siya ng tingin.

Dad taught me to drive the next day. Isang linggo niya akong tinuturuan magpaikot ikot sa may bahay namin. He’s just impatient though. And every time na may nagagawa akong mali eh sinasabi niyang nagsisisi na siyang pumayag daw siya na magdrive ako.

How cruel.

“Of course hindi pa ako sanay! Kaya nga I’m practicing! Stop shouting para di ako matakot!” Naiiyak kong sabi dahil natataranta ako tuwing pinapagalitan niya ako kagaya ng nalate ako ng liko sa kabilang street kaya nalihis ako sa daan.

“Just stop looking at the damn pedals and focus your eyes on the road! Hindi pwedeng magdadrive ka at sisilipin mo sa baba kung saan ang break. Mababangga ka Reina Ariane!” Maingay niyang sermon kaya lalo akong nagpapanic.

“You should teach me nalang kasi how to drive.” Nakanguso kong sabi kay Anton ng tawagan niya ano kinagabihan. Walang pasensya magturo si daddy. Nakakarindi pa na paulit ulit pinaparinig na mas ligtas daw kung may driver ako dahil hindi siya kampante na magdrive ako.

Anton sighed. Medyo mabigat ang talukap ng mata ko dahil umiyak ako kanina. Nakasandal ako sa headboard ng kama at hawak ang iPad.

“Your father has a point. Don’t worry, you’ll have your driving lessons soon. Masasanay ka din magdrive. You can do it.”

“What if itry ko malapit sa may penthouse? When you’re back from Barcelona? I can just tell dad na magmomall ako para kunwari isasama ko si Matt.”

I heard him sighed again. “No. And I… won’t be here, Reina. Hindi pa kita masasamahan para diyan.” Kumunot ang noo ko.

He’s busy kahit na nandito siya sa Pinas. He’s overseeing their own family business bukod pa sa projects niya sa MECS. Next week, he’ll go back to Barcelona for a week. Tapos daw ay uuwi ulit siya.

“Pumayag ang daddy mo.” Iyon ang sinabi niya sakin nung tinanong ko last time kung magtatagal ba siya don or makakauwi ulit.

“Its just that.. I made a deal with your father.” Agad tumaas ang kilay ko sa narinig.. waiting for him to continue.

Humugot niya ng malalim na hininga. “Your dad wants me to represent your company along with your other engineers.. in an engineering summit in Cagayan de Oro. We will also have different conferences to attend to. We’ll target to bid big projects from different clients.”

What? When? Kaya hindi niya ako masasamahan? He said he’ll pick me up after my driving lessons kapag nagstart nako. And I’m planning nga na siya na ang magturo sakin kesa si daddy eh!

“So I won’t be here in San Vicente pagbalik ko galing Barcelona. Sa CDO niya ako pinapaderetso.” Nananantya ang kanyang titig. Unti unting bumagsak ang balikat ko. I just thought he can teach me para naman hindi ako mahirapan magadjust pag nagdriving lessons na.

“Until when are you staying in CDO?” Mapait kong tanong.

“The engineering summit will last for five days. Iyong ibat ibat business conference at bidding, aabutin ng isang buwan.”

Shit. So more than a month dahil isang linggo din siyang wala for Spain. Ano ba naman kasi tong summit na to? I didn’t know we are bididng for projects now.

“You can just let our engineers join, Anton. Sabihin mo kay daddy na busy ka sa project in Barcelona.” Pangangatwiran ko.

He chuckled. “Kaya nga siya pumayag na hawakan ko iyon kahit nandito ako eh para makapunta ako ng Cagayan de Oro. I guess he wants me far from you, huh?”

Lito ko siyang nilingon sa screen. What?

Does dad know? Did he.. tell him?

He chuckled at my reaction. “Just kidding. It’s just a month. Makakabalik ako bago ka lumipat sa condo mo. Masasamahan kita bumili ng gamit mo sa school.” He smiled softly.

Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga. I’m really curious if dad knows something. Hindi niya nga ako pinapalabas ng bahay after naming maglunch ni Anton.

Anton flew to Barcelona and I focused on my driving lessons. He always make sure that he can message me or call me whenever he’s free. Pero hindi ko naman siya inoobliga at sinabi ko namang magfocus siya sa trabaho at magusap lang kami ng kelan pwede. I’m busy with my driving lessons anyway.

Tuwing weekend ay gusto ni dad na magpractice ako sa may labas lang ng bahay namin kasama siya. Sabi niya ay gusto niyang makita kung may natututunan ba daw ako. It’s tough, nakakapagsisi pala na alukin na siya ang magturo sakin. Mas okay pa iyong instructor ko.. mabait.

Puro siya palatak kapag may mali akong pihit, nasobra ng tapak sa break, hindi nakita ang humps. Ultimo magplay ng party music ay hindi daw dapat dahil it will distract me from my surroundings.

“Ang bongga mo te! Sa pasukan sa condo mo ako dederetso ah. Tapos isabay mo ako papuntang school!” Si Pierce. Tumawag siya ng nagpapahinga ako ng hapon. Umalis si dad kanina kasama si tito Ronin.

“Sira ka.” Naiiling kong tawa.

Isang buwan akong nagdriving lessons. Isang buwan din akong parang pinaparusahan sa magmamatigas kong magdrive dahil kay daddy. Anton is still in CDO. Next week pa ang uwi niya.

“Basta ipasa mo. Madali lang magkalicense no. Andami niyang lisensyadong kamote driver eh.” Irap nito sa kawalan. Sabi kasi ay after daw ng isang buwan kong student driver, saka lang ako makakaapply ng non-professional license.

Gusto ni Pierce na pag natuto ako magdrive eh gumala daw kami at isama ko siya. Hindi nga napayag si daddy at sa school ko lang gagamitin ang SUV ko eh!

“Edi isama mo si papa Matt! Bakla lumabas ka naman ng lungga. Bawas bawasan mo kasi ang pagiging demonyita para pag nagpapaalam ka kay tito Rico eh pumapayag siya.” Naalala kong tinawanan at sinumbatan niya ako dahil napakaspoiled ko daw para lang magmaktol dahil ayaw payagan magdrive gayung magdriver na nga. Duh! Marunong pa siya sa gusto ko.

I took my test this week and I was so nervous. Marunong naman na ako magdrive kahit papano pero kinakabahan padin ako. I’m just lucky that I passed. I finally got my non-professional license after a month of taking driving lessons. Halos maansha ako sa mga pinapasagutan at noong nagdadrive na mismo.

Dad seems unimpressed dahil poker face padin siya noong pinagmalaki ko na marunong nako magdrive pagkauwi niya ng gabi. Sabi ko pa ay natuwa sakin iyong nasa Land Transportation Office dito samin nung nakapasa ako. They were even praising me and keep on reminding me to drive safely.

“It’s because they know you are my daughter. That’s why.” Panguuyam nito kaya inirapan ko siya. I know but whatever. I did well in that test. Stay bitter, daddy!

We have an upcoming party this weekend. I don’t want to come at first because tita Athena invited tita Elisse and her family. I’m not sure if Amiel will be there but I want to take precautions. Napilitan lang akong sumama dahil kay daddy.

“I brought my license. I should drive us there!” May yabang kong sabi at winagayway sa harap ni daddy ang una kong valid ID.

“Get in the car. We’ll be late, Reina.” Si daddy na papunta sana sa driver’s seat pero inunahan ko siya.

“Yeah. Get in daddy.” I titled my head and smirk playfully. Agad nagdilim ang mukha niya.

“We are going downtown. You can’t drive ther-”

“Kasama naman po kita. And I’m licensed you see. I can do it. Come on.” Pagmamatigas ko at ako pa ang nagbukas ng pinto pero agad niyang nahatak ang braso ko.

“I’m driving a manual car, Reina Ariane! You were only trained to drive an automatic. Stop being stubborn and get in the passenger seat!”

Okay. He got a point. But is that a huge difference? That’s easy for sure. Marunong nako kaya makakaya ko din iyan.

Umismid lang ako at sinunod na siya. You’re so hot-tempered, daddy. Nagmemenopause kana ba? Deserve! Kidding!

We arrived at the venue and the social butterfly in me have no choice but to automatically make pleasantries with dad’s colleagues and other business conglomerates invited.

“Congratulations! I heard you’re driving now?” Tita Athena went up to me while dad is busy talking to a businessman. Tito Raymond is behind her. Nakangising aso sakin.

“Yup! I got my non-pro license na tita.” Masayang masayang balita ko.

“Good luck on that Fortuner, then.” Tito Raymond chuckled mockingly. Sinaway lang ni tita. I stick out my tongue and make face dahil di naman kita ni tita. Buti nga!

Humarap sakin si tita Athena kaya pumormal muli ang reaksyon ko. Tanaw kong naiiling si tito.

“Come, hija. Elisse said they’re already here. Let’s find her. Hayaan mo yang tito dito sa daddy mo.” Si tita Athena at umangkla sa braso ko at giniya ako sa gitnang parte ng venue. Iniwan ko si daddy na busy sa matandang kausap. Saglit lang akong nilingon nito. Agad naman siyang dinaluhan ni tito.

Mabilis naming nahanap sina tita Elisse at tito Amer na may kausap din mga matatanda. Behind them.. is Amiel standing lousily.

Our eyes met and his gaze turned darker. My eyes drifted to tita Elisse who finally notice our presence. This night is long for sure.

Kabanata 22

I’m not leaving tita Athena and tita Elisse’s side because I don’t want to have a slight opportunity of us being alone. I’m not saying that Amiel wants that, but the way he is staring at me made me uncomfortable. Dad is still busy talking to a different man this time but I can see him glancing at my direction from time to time. Matt is also just meters away, with eyes locked at me and watching me like a hawk. I sighed.

The older women introduced me to their common friends. I forced a smile and shook their hands.

“Nice to see you again, Ria.” Nala, the fashion designer I met before in tita Elisse’s party.

“Good evening.” I returned his greeting.

“Ang ganda ganda mo talaga be, kelan mo susubukan ang modeling?” Ngiti nito. My aunts giggled beside me.

“Oh you plan to pursue that now? I don’t see why not. But of course.. you know kuya.” Si tita Athena na nangiti sa nadinig at nagkibit balikat sakin.

I swallowed. “Not yet po. Studies muna.” Hilaw akong ngumisi. I’m not telling anyone my plans. Saka na if nasa college na ako. If I’m settled and I know my schedule, I’ll try to get some go-see. Though I can’t just model for any brand, it should be appropriate for my age still or else I will be in trouble.

Nala just stared at me, tila binabasa ang isip ko. He cocked his right eyebrow twice and smiled at me before they resumed with another topic.

The party went on and dad had to excuse himself to those older men to join my table with the older women for dinner. If not only for my aunts, I wouldn’t ask dad for us to stay longer. After dinner, I excused myself for a powder room break.

Paglabas ko ng powder room ay nakita ko si Amiel na naghihintay sa may corridor. It’s inevitable for us to bump into each other tonight but I guess I underestimated him. How he has audacity to look into my eyes na parang wala lang.

“So that’s it? You’re ignoring me?” I heard him asked when I walked passed him. I’m sure he’s talking to me dahil kami lang ang nandito.

“Why did you block me, Ria?” Nagtitimpi niyang dugtong ng nagpatuloy ako sa paglakad. I laughed mockingly then turned to face him.

“You really have the guts to ask me that, Amiel?” My brow shot up. He’s angry. I don’t care. Siya pa ang galit ha!

“We should talk. You should let me-”

“There’s nothing left for us to talk about. We should just be-”

He pulled my forearm gently. Nakayuko itong umiiling. “What happened.. it’s nothing. Just-”

“I don’t really care. Let me go, Amiel.”

“Just..” hindi na niya natuloy ang sasabihin dahil ako na ang nagtagal ng kamay niya sa pagkakahawak sakin. He weakly let go of me and I walked out of the scene.

I took a deep breath dahil sa bigat ng dibdib ko. I’m trying to rule my emotions here. The urge of me looking into his eyes and fall to his trap.. it’s bad. Not to mention that I’ve been trying my best not to check the restricted accounts on my messenger to see if chinachat niya ba ako. If magiging marupok ako at makikinig ulit sakanya.. chances are I will still experience the same bullshit from him. He needs to figure out whether or not he wants to be with me. Hindi yung ikikeep niya ako pero he’s out in the open flirting with other girls.

I told dad I’m tired and wanted to go home kaya agad na siyang nagpaalam na uuwi na kami. He’s worried that I’m not feeling well but I assured him that I’m fine. Just tired.

“Why the long face?” Anton chuckled when I finally answered his call that night.

I sighed. These siblings are making my head hurt. Why am I caught up in this situation?

“Just tired.” I noted.

“Is something wrong? What happened?” Anton immediately probed.

Should I tell him? I don’t think it’s necessary.

“W-Wala naman. I’m just tired. I t-think I should go to sleep.”

My lips twisted as I felt my face heated when I see how he’s staring at me intently. “Alright. I miss you. I’ll be home in three days.”

Tuluyan ko ng nakagat ang ibabang labi para itago ang kabang nararamdaman. Halos tumayo ang mga balahibo ko sa katawan sa paraan niya ng pananalita.

“O-Okay.” Tanging naging sagot ko.

“I’ll take you out when I got home. I’ll see if I can snatch you from your father. Kahit saglit.” His laugh sounded so seductive.

The side of my lips rose with what he said. Careful with that. Usok nga ang ilong noon ng inisip niya talagang nakipagdate ako nung sinoli ang hoodie ni Anton. He’s not entirely wrong but.. oh well.

The next days were spent with me just staying at home. I don’t know. Ang weird sa bahay. Seems like the security were frequently having rounds. Si manang Lupe, kulang nalang maging linta kakasunod sakin. I can imagine how I will live in the penthouse kung ganto. Baka ultimo paghinga ko eh ireport niya kay dad.

“Ano? Sama kana! Magbait baitan ka tas ikaw ang maglinis ng kwarto mo para papayag si tito.” Si Pierce. He’s inviting me for a girls night out. Kami kami nalang daw nina Sammie. Of course kasama parin ang pinsan niya.

“Nah. I have the house helpers to do that.” though dahil nga taong bahay ako ngayon, nalilinis lang ang kwarto ko kapag bumababa ako sa hapon. Si manang Lupe pa nga dahil iba daw ang inuutos niya sa mga kasambahay kaya walang ibang pwede.

“Te! Broken si Rizza. Magboboys hunting tayo! Ikaw din. Para humanap ka ng ipapalit diyan kay Amiel!” Bara nito.

Nailing nalang ako. Nung isang araw pa to nagsasabi. Kakabalik lang ni Rizza galing province nila at ngayon nga eh nagdadrama sa gc ng klase namin. Nagaaya magouting or gumimik. Gumawa tuloy si Pierce ng bagong gc ng puro kami lang na girls dahil di niya daw bet na kasama yung mga kaklase naming lalake.

“Edi lalong di pumayag si daddy niyan?” Pamimilosopo ko kaya napairap siya at nagmura. I laughed at his reaction.

“Tangina epekto ng HRT yan. Syempre ang ipapaalam mo shot shot lang ng very light! Antanga naman huy!”

“I don’t know. Tinatamad akong umalis. I’ll see paguwi ni dad.” Truth is, baka magdinner kami ni Anton pero di pa ako nakakapagpaalam at hanggang ngayon nasa CDO padin siya. Dad is just so anxious with letting me leave the house these days. Pano ako makakapagpractice magdrive sa highway?

Maging si Sammie ay binubulabog ako sa gc namin para lang sumama. Wala daw mga asungot at icocomfort lang talaga namin si Rizza. I replied on our group chat that I’ll join tonight pero hihintayin ko pang makauwi si dad para makapagpaalam.

Mga alas sais na ng mareceive ko ang text ni Anton that he’s boarding a plane back to San Vicente in two hours. I told him we’ll have to raincheck dahil aalis ako

Saktong pasok ni dad ng receiving area ng bumaba ako para magdinner na ng mas maaga. His right brow shot up as I went to kiss his cheek and greet him home.

“Dad. Magdidinner na po ako. Let’s go?”

He eyes squinted as if not expecting what I said but he chuckled. “Alright. Can I at least put down my things first?” Turo niya sa hawak na briefcase. Ngumuso naman ako.

Iniwan niya ang gamit sa study at saka kami nagpunta ng dining.

“Good evening sir. Oh ang aga mong bumaba Ria. Gutom kana?” Si manang na nasa island counter at nagpupunas. Ang ibang kasambahay naman ay inaayos ng dining table.

Kita ko ang pagbaling ng tingin ni dad. Okay. This is it. “Ahm.. aalis po kasi ako. I’ll have my dinner first para makapagayos ako agad.”

Hindi ko na nakita ang reaction ni dad dahil inunahan ko na siya sa pagupo. Agad sumenyas si manang Lupe at nagsimulang magayos at maghain ang mga kasambahay.

“Ay ganon ba? Nakaluto naman na. Sige ipapahain ko.” Nagtawag pa siya ng isang kasambahay na nagtungo naman sa may likod.

Naupo si dad sa kabisera at alam kong nakatuon sakin ang kanyang titig. Ako naman ay patay malisya lang na pinapanood ang kasambahay na naglalagay ng baso para saming dalawa.

“You’re going out? What happened to asking for permission?” Dad noted in his deep controlled voice.

I cleared my throat. “Kaya nga magpapaalam po ako now. I waited for you to come home. I’ll go out with my girl classmates. Just downtown.”

“It’s past six o’clock, Reina Ariane. You’re going out for what? To drink?” Matabang na tanong nito.

Maingat kong kinakapa ang isasagot. “Y-Yes. Saglit lang po. And we’re all girls. And Pierce.”

The house helpers are quietly placing food on the table. Kinuha ko ang serving spoon at nagsandok ng rice.

Dad scoffed. “You know, your mom doesn’t like going out that much.” I almost rolled my eyes when I heard him compared me to mom. And so? Wala naman masama lumabas paminsan minsan. I’ve been staying indoors for months ha! Ayaw mo kaya akong payagan umalis! Nakikita ko lang ang outside world nung nagdadriving lessons ako.

Pero sabe nga ni Pierce, kelangan magbait baitan para pumayag ang daddy. I’ll try my best not to push his buttons. He’ll give in to what I want anyway.

“Minsan lang po dad. It’s still my break from school. Next week I’ll move out na. You know. Just have fun with friends. Matt will take me home naman.” Kibit balikat ko at sumubo na ng pagkain.

“I don’t want you going out to party every night, Reina Ariane. Kung bubukod ka, hindi ako papayag na nagpupunta ka ng bar gabi gabi.” Si dad na nagsasandok ngayon ng pagkain. Maingat ang tingin ni manang Lupe ng maglapag siya ng tasa ng kape sa gilid ni daddy.

I exhaled. Not every night of course. Pero kung gigimik naman ako pag college na, syempre hindi ko pwede laging sabihin. Edi baka pinauwi din ako nito. “Yeah right. I know. Just tonight. Matagal naman na po ang susunod. Sige na dad please?” My lips curled upward as I batted my eyelashes para magpaawa.

Umismid ulit to kaya pinigilan kong matawa. “And what time are you planning to get home?”

How about by sunrise? Kidding! Saka na kapag nakabukod nako. “Twelve. No more no less. Not early nor later than that. Para masulit ko naman po ang bonding with my classmates.” Sinundan ko agad ng pangangatwiran.

Hindi na siya sumagot kaya nagpatuloy kami sa pagkain. Bugnot akong ngumunguya dahil mukhang hindi pa ata papayag. I guess sa susunod nalang Pierce.

We’re done eating and hindi ko magalaw ang dessert. My phone is beeping for notifications but I guess I can’t go out tonight.

“I’m done. Akyat na po ako.” Walang gana kong paalam at tumayo ng mesa. I didn’t bother look at him when I can see in my peripheral that dad is watching me.

“Reina Ariane.” Dad called just before I leave the dining area. My lips twisted in anticipation. Suminghap ako at nilingon siya. Nakatukod ang magkabilang siko sa mesa at magkasalop ang dalawang palad na pinapagpahingahan ng kanyang baba.

He let out a cold sigh. He stood and walked towards me. “Midnight. No later than that. And don’t drink too much. Take care, please.” My nose cringed and I smiled widely with what he said. Shrieking, I jumped to hug him.

“Oki. Thank you, dad.”

Wala akong sinayang na oras at kausap ko si Pierce habang namimili ng susuotin.

“Weird. Pumayag nga?” Sabi niya sa video call kaya napairap akong nilingon ang phone na sinandal ko sa table.

“What? You don’t believe me? Kala ko ba eh gusto mo akong sumama?”

Busy siya sa background kaya pinagpatuloy ko ang pagkalkal sa walk-in closet ng susuotin. “Oo syempre.” Dinig kong sagot niya sa kabilang linya. “Pero diba magdidrink tayo? Pumayag ng ganun ganun lang?”

Maarte akong nagkibit balikat at kinuha ang nakahanger na dress. I’ll try this one. “Well, dad loves me and he can’t afford to see me sad. Ganun lang yun.”

Dinig ko ang sarkastiko niyang tawa sa kabilang linya pero nakafocus ako sa pagestima ng dress na napili. Tinapat ko iyon sa katawan at pinagmasdan ang sarili sa full length mirror.

“Parang hindi naman. Parang kung papapiliin si tito Rico, gugustuhin nun talaga ng unica hija na hindi demonyita.”

“Hey. That’s mean.” Inis kong baling sa cellphone.

“Yeah. Parang ikaw lang. Oh siya bilisan mo diyan dali at ng makadami ng inom!”

Binaba niya na ang tawag kaya hindi ako nakasagot. Masasampal ko ang balahurang baklang to mamaya.

“Tonight? Where are you going?”

“Did you tell your father?”

“I’m checking my luggage in.”

Binasa ko ang texts kanina ni Anton. “We’re going to a bar downtown. Iinom kami ng mga classmates ko. Dad knows. Take care.” Reply ko kahit na mukhang busy na siya at anytime eh magfflight mode na iyan.

Dumiretso ako sa banyo at nagtoothbrush bago maligo. I had to use body scrub first before taking a bath. Gosh, I need to exfoliate.

I’m staring at my reflection on the vanity mirror as I am sitting on the stool. I am wearing a black zipped sleeveless turtleneck dress. Bukas ang zipper hanggang sa may dibdib ko showing enough cleavage.

I’m thinking of tying my hair up but I guess I like how I look right now. Hair down and barefaced. Literally no make up tonight? Go!

“I’ll be waiting. I want you home sober, Reina. Please don’t drink too much.” Dad give me a hug after walking me to my car. Sa gilid ay si Matt na nakatayong naghihintay.

“Yeah. I’ll go na dad.” He let go of me at mabilis na lumapit si Matt para pagbuksan ako ng SUV.

“I need you close to her all the time, Matthew. Bring her home safely.”

Nasara na ni Matt ang pinto kaya hindi ko nadinig ang sinagot niya. Patango tango lang ito habang tila may binibilin si daddy.

“Hayup siya. Literal na ginhost ako. Pagtapos ng lahat.” Si Rizza na umiiyak at tinungga ang cocktail sa shot glass. “Hays deserve kong magshot tonight! Bat kasi ngayon lang kayo pwede!”

We are sitting on a couch and in our table are a bottle of tequila and a pitcher of cocktail. May mga pulutan din. Si Pierce ang nagtatagay samin. Matt is standing near the bar, with enough visual on where I am sitting.

“Eto ang OA umiyak. Kala ko ba sasagutin mo palang? So hindi pa talaga kayo?” Si Sammie na pumapapak ng fries.

“Eh kasi. Akala ko seryoso siya. Binigay ko lahat. Tapos biglang hindi na kami magpapansinan.”

“Talaga? Pati kepyas mo bhie?” Si Pierce na umiinom din at tumawa. Halos masamid pa ako sa paginom ng sariling inumin sa tanong niya.

“Oo! Oo kaya no! Bigay todo pako tapos iiwan din pala ko.” Si Rizza na muling uminom sa shot glass niya.

Tumawa si Sammie. “Yaan mo na. Hahanap tayo ng bago. Ang mahalaga nagenjoy ka. Daks ba?”

The topic heated dahil usapang sex na ang mga babaeng kasama ko. They’re sharing their experiences. Kulang nalang pati tong si Penelope eh magkwento din. Baka mabato ko siya ng bote kung ibuka niya ang bibig niya.

“So you’re not a virgin, Rizza?” Rizza wrinkled her nose. Humagalpak naman si Sammie. Even Sammie and Andra shared their own experience. Goodness.

“Hindi na. Ex ko ang nakauna sakin. Pero syempre akala ko lang yung hayup na yun na ang the one kaya pumayag akong magsex din kami kahit di pa kami.” Ani Rizza.

“Pagpasensyahan niyo na. Virgin pa to. Malay niyo tonight hindi na. Whoo shot!” si Pierce at tinaas sa ere ang shot glass. Ang hayop na to!

Andra then started asking me questions. Ako pa ngayon ang nahotseat. Naopen din ang tungkol kay Amiel at sa nangyari nung naginom kami last time. Imagine Penelope’s face when all our classmates are on full support with me for Amiel. Pero dahil nga he’s a douchebag, siniguro ni Pierce na hindi ko inunblock si Amiel. Sinabihan pa ang iba na di daw kami bagay at may mas better pang lalaki.

“We talked nung nakaraan. I didn’t listen to his explanation though. I’m cool.” Kibit balikat ko at uminom. I wanted to change the topic pero dahil andun na, eh love advices na ang maririnig sa lamesa. Lalo na samin ni Rizza. At dahil barubal ang bibig ni Pierce, napunta ulit ang topic sa paano mas maattract ang lalaki kapag aayain ng sex. Kahit si Sammie kung ano ano na ang pinagsasabi.

Kaming dalawa lang ni Penelope ang tahimik na nakikinig. But in all honesty, ako lang ang hindi nakakarelate.

We decided to dance ng makaubos kami ng dalawang bote ng tequila at tatlong pitcher ng cocktail. May mga dumadaan kasi sa table namin kanina na nakikipagkilala pero binubugaw ni Sammie at tutok kami sa kwento ni Rizza.

“Ngayon sila magpakilala. I’m G. Lez go!” Si Sammie na nakaangkla sakin. Si Pierce eh nagpatiuna sa dance floor.

We danced to an old school R&B music. Boys on the dance floor immediately flocked their way to us.

May kausap na si Sammie at itong si Rizza eh katabi kong sumasayaw. Si Andra ay kasama si Penelope na nakikipagsayawan din.

There are guys introducing themselves but I’m shooing them away. Naramdaman ko ang pagtampal sa braso ko ni Pierce.

“Gaga ka! Makipagsayaw ka. Sayaw sayaw lang. Tapos make out make out. Kahit hindi all the way ganun!” Ngumiwi ako sa suhestyon niya.

Tumawa si Rizza sa tabi ko dahil sa sinabi ni Pierce at tinaas ang dalawang kamay sa ere. Nilapitan kami ni Sammie na talagang nageffort hawakan ang bar tray at iinom daw kami habang nagsasayaw.

“Shot bilis!”

Kanya kanyang sayaw kami sa dance floor. Ang ibang kasama ko ay may mga kinakausap ng nakikipagkilala. I closed my eyes and raised my hand in the air as I swing my hips to the rhythm of the now sensual music playing. Hiyawan ang maririnig sa dance floor sa pagpalit ng kanta.I danced to my heavy heart. I should enjoy. Hindi dapat ako nasistress kay Amiel.

May nakipagkilala saking may itsurang lalaki at kasabay kong nageenjoy sa music. I entertained him for experience. Hindi maalis sa isip ko ang pinaguusapan sa mesa kanina. There’s nothing wrong since eighteen nako at normal lang ang ganito sa generation namin.

The guy is asking if bago lang ako sa bar na iyon dahil di daw familiar ang mukha ko. I just nodded and continue dancing. Sinabayan niya naman ang trip ko.

He’s about to ask another question when I felt someone touched my waist. Tumikhim ang lalaki at nagpaalam na. Naniningkit ko siyang tinawag. Hala! Ang potential make out ko!

“Having fun?” I heard a baritone voice amidst the loud music playing.

Nilingon ko ang lalaking nakahawak ngayon sa magkabilang bewang ko at nakita si Anton na nakasimangot. He’s wearing a plain white shirt and pants.

“You’re here?” Gulat kong tanong. Or my eyes are deceiving me?

“Uhuh. And you’re drunk.”

Napanguso ako sa nadinig at bumungisngis. So what? Dad allowed me to drink tonight. Kaya ko pa ano.

“Doon ka! Magpaparty ako.” Lakad ko sa may gitnang parte. Now where are the girls? Bat parang ako lang ang walang kasayaw? Guys are offering shots ng madaanan ko kaya agad kong tinanggap. Mas matapang iyong kanila at halos iduwal ko pa.

“Stop drinking. Let’s go home.”

Inis kong nilingon ang asungot na sumunod sakin. “Huwag ka nga. Mamaya pakong twelve!” Sigaw ko dahil sa lakas ng tugtog. Kunot ang noo nito at mas dumilim ang tingin. Now that you’re here, how can I dance with someone? Ugh!

“Hey!” I complained as he pulled me out of the dance floor. Nilingon ko ang pinanggalingan pero wala si Pierce. Though I saw Rizza. I called her pero kumaway lang ang gaga at humiyaw ng makita ang sitwasyon ko saka nagpatuloy magsayaw kasama ng di namin kilalang lalaki.

“What are you doing? Bitaw! I’m partying!” Hampas ko sa kamay niyang nakahawak sakin. Nagabot siya ng card kay Matt at kinausap naman ng huli ang bartender habang patuloy niya akong hinihila palabas ng bar.

Panay ang piglas ko hanggang sa may sasakyan niya. I can hear him grunting dahil mayat maya ako muntik matalisod sa paghabol ng lakad niya.

He forced me to get inside his car kaya napapadyak akong pumasok sa passenger seat. The smell of his perfume lingered on my senses at lalong umikot ang paningin ko.

“What’s your problem?” Asik ko pagkaupo niya sa driver’s seat.

“What’s my problem? You were out there dancing with boys! You didn’t bother checking your phone. I’m damn texting you!” Galit nitong sagot.

Even when angry, engineer looks handsome. His moreno complexion stand out from his white tshirt. Magkaiba talaga ang aura nilang magkapatid. Anton is.. just different.

I giggled. “What? Eighteen na ako. I’m just dancing. Baka nagmakeout pa sana kami nung kasayawan ko kung di ka-”

“What did you say?” He spat angrily pero mas lalo akong natawa. Gosh, I can now feel the kick of those shots.

Halos mapasinghap ako ng maramdaman ang paghinga niya sa pisngi ko. Anton caged me with his big arms. Ang isang kamay ay nasa upuan ko habang ang isa nakahawak sa may aircon sa harap ko.

“You think this is funny?” He said while gritting his teeth but my eyes are locked on his moving lips. Come on. Kakauwi mo lang at naggugumalit ka.

“Tignan mo sa mata. Tapos ikiss mo. Yung pasweet lang. Tapos iyong lalaki na ang magtutuloy ng kiss! Totoo yan! Ganun!” Pierce’s voice echoed in my head as I drool on Anton’s pinkish lips.

“Reina.” Anton called me but I’m too drunk to listen. I closed my eyes and leaned forward. I felt my lips against his. Hindi pa ako marunong but with how Pierce described it kanina, ganun ang ginagawa ko.

“Baby. What-”. I stopped him from talking and planted another kiss. I pulled his collar for support. Akala ko ba iyong lalaki ang magtutuloy? Bat ganto?

“Kiss me back! Pano ako matututo?” Natatawa kong kong sabi habang namimigat ang mga mata.

I heard him sighed. “You’re drunk. It’s not right to-”

“Bakit naman si Amiel nagkikiss din kami. Di naman siya nagrereklamo!” At muli akong napabungisngis. Oo nga pala. We’re not drunk when we kissed on his car. Oh! We kissed nung birthday ni Marlon! It’s the same.

It’s the alcohol talking. Ni hindi ko maramdaman ang hiya sa pagamin. Dinig ko ang inis niyang daing habang ako eh inaalala ang mga senaryo sa isip.

“You fucking what, Reina Ariane?!” His voice thundered but I can’t take it seriously.

“What? He’s my first kiss. But your brother is an asshole. Ayaw ko na sakanya kaya gusto ko iba naman.” Natatawa kong sabi at sinandal ang ulo sa headrest. I need to sober up. Umiikot ang paningin ko. I think I’m about to throw up.

“He’s.. not.”

“Hmm?” Daing ko at dinilat ang isang mata. Anton’s lips were parted as he stared blankly. I giggled. Cute.

I pointed a finger on his cheek. “You’re lips tasted better though. Pakiss ulit.” I held his jaw and guided him to kiss me again. I don’t have to use force because he willingly leaned on me just how I pulled him. Napapikit ako ng maramdaman muli ang labi niya.

His lips moved in an unfamiliar manner. His left hand moved to hold the door for support while the other went to my neck. My hands were traveling from his chest, to his neck, to his hair.

“He’s not your first kiss, Reina.” He said in between our kisses. Huh? Di ko maintindihan. Let’s just kiss!

Moan escaped my mouth as I felt his tongue seeks for an entrance. I parted my lips and his tongue swirled its way inside.

My hand crumpled his hair due to the oozing sensation. We’re torridly kissing inside his car!

“Te amo..” he whispered pagtapos ng halik. I’m too drunk to stare at his intense gaze. We’re both catching our breaths.

“Te quiero mucho..” he leaned once again and I immediately closed my eyes, thinking he will kiss me again but I felt his lips on my cheek instead. I moaned. Gusto ko pa magkiss pero sumusuko na ang mata ko.

“Mi prometida.” I heard him whispered before I passed out.

“Mmm.” Daing ko ng madinig ang tumatawag sakin. Ramdam ko ang malambot na hinihigaan kaya mas sinubsob ko ang mukha doon.

“Ria. Gumising ka na at naghihintay ang daddy mo.”

I groaned against the pillow. Dinilat ko ang isang mata at agad naramdaman ang sakit ng ulo. Tumihaya ako at tumingala sa kisame. I’m in my room. I scanned my clothes and I’m still wearing the dress I wore last night.

What happened? How did I go home?

Inis akong dumaing at bumangon ng muling madinig ang katok ni manang. Padarag kong binuksan ang pinto. “What? It’s too early! Let me sleep!” I spat.

Humugot ng malalim na hininga si manang. “Naku. Magayos ka at bumaba ka agad. Galit ang daddy mo. Hinihintay ka sa agahan. Bumaba ka ha Ria.”

I facepalm after closing the door. I’m fucked. My head hurts and I don’t remember how I got home. Hinatid ako ni Matt? Of course! Duh!

Mabilis akong nagpunta sa banyo at nagmadaling maligo. Im so squishy and I hate myself dahil hindi ako nakaligo kagabi. I slept with my dirty clothes. Ew!

Hindi ko pa nasusuklay ang buhok eh kumakatok na ulit si manang. Sumigaw akong pababa na. I’m a mess. I got dark circles and my lips are dry.

Bumaba ako para magagahan. Sa hagdan eh iniisip ko kung anong oras ako nakauwi. We were dancing as what I remembered. Tapos? Shit!

Dad’s murderous eyes welcomed me to the dining area. Nakahalukipkip ito sa tapat ng iPad at tasa ng kape. One house help is carefully placing plate and cutleries on my place.

“Sit down.” Dad roared. Agad akong napalunok sa takot.

“M-Morning.” Even my voice is hoarse. Gosh!

“You went home. Drunk. And. Passed. Out.” Napasinghap ako sa galit niyang tono. Kahit ang kasambahay eh mukhang nanginginig na nagsasalin ng gatas at malamig na tubig sa magkabilang baso ko.

I cleared my throat. “Ahm.. what time did I-”

“You don’t know? Hah!”

Halos mapapikit ako ng madinig siyang sumigaw. “I told you to drink moderately, yet you disobeyed me. It’s dangerous! If something happens to you..” nanginginig sa galit nitong pangaral.

“I’m s-sorry-”

“You’re not going out to drink again! Don’t make me change my mind and I won’t let you move out, child. You’ll see.”

Dad is extremely pissed kaya ikom lang ang bibig ko. So stupid! I can’t remember what happened. Hindi na ako sumasagot tuwing pinagsasabihan ako sa hapagkainan. I went overboard. Baka di pa matuloy ang paglipat ko sa penthouse.

“Bakla ka! Maharot! Hinanap kita pero sabi ni Rizza may humila sayong lalaki. Matangkad daw at macho. Sino yon?” Galit na salubong ni Pierce sa video call.

What? Who? I remember dancing with some guy. Siya ba?

“Binayaran ng bodyguard mo ang mesa natin. Nawala kana. Nakipagjugjugan ka no? Omg! Di kana virgin bakla!”

“Of course not! I don’t.. I don’t remember. Sino daw sabi ni Rizza?”

“Di niya nga mamukhaan. Basta gwapo daw at matangkad. Malandi ka! San kayo nagpunta? Kasama si fafa Matt? Oh my God may live audience?” Maeskandalong hiyaw nito kasunod ng malanding bungisngis. Parang hindi manlang hinangover ang isang to.

I groaned and massaged my temple. “Hindi ko nga maalala. Tumigil ka nga! Nothing happened. I’m sure Matt took me home.”

“Eh sino iyon? Type mo? Suplada pa ang atake mo last night choosy ka lang pala. I love it!”

Binaba ko din ang tawag pagkaraan ng ilang saglit dahil parang wala naman akong mahihita sakanya. I need to know what happened. Who is that guy? What did we do?“

I’m biting my lip as I tried so hard to remember. I know I’m still a virgin. Masakit daw iyon sa una. I don’t feel any pain in my body beside this cruciating headache. So I’m good? Virgin padin ako?

I scrolled on my notifications to get more clues. There were missed calls from Anton last night. I went to read his texts.

“Which bar?”

“I’m boarding the plane. Saan kayo pupunta?”

“I just landed. Nadelay ang flight. Can I see you tonight? Where are you?”

“Answer me, Reina.”

“Nasaang bar ka Reina Ariane?”

“Hello?”

“You’re not answering my calls.”

“Baby.”

My lips pursed. Hindi ko nakita to kagabi.

Wait. Did Rizza said gwapo? And matangkad? Is that the guy from the bar? Or was it Anton? Pinuntahan niya ba ako kagabi? Fuck I can’t remember!

I’m about to close our conversation when a messaged popped up.

“Are you awake? How are you feeling?”

My chest hammered. There is a possibility dahil madalas alam niya kung nasan ako. It’s just that I can’t remember a thing.

“My head hurts.” Reply ko. Sunod na rumehistro sa screen ang tawag niya sa FaceTime.

“Good morning.” Bati niya sa baritonong boses.

“M-Morning.” Now this is awkward. Should I ask him if pinuntahan niya ako kagabi?

“Drink more water. You were so drunk last night. You passed out.”

And here’s the missing piece of the puzzle. “You were there?” Kung ganon, edi siya yung tinutukoy ni Rizza?

His brow arched. “Uhuh.” See!

“I.. I-I don’t.. remember.” Humilab ang ulo ko sa sakit pero diko padin maalala. What I remember is we were drinking, we were having fun and we even danced. Anong oras siya nagpunta ng bar? Did he ask Matt about where I was?

“You don’t remember? What happened last night?” He sounded dubious. What? Did something happen?

Umiling ako. “I d-don’t. Did you.. bring me home?” Nahihiya kong tanong. He stared at me before sighing.

“Yes. Hindi ka sumasagot sakin kaya pinuntahan kita. I took you home. But I let Matt carried you to back to your car pagdating sainyo.”

He’s staring blankly somewhere while I am watching him on my screen, waiting for more information. Then? Ano pa? “Did I throw up? I’m.. I’m sorry for the trouble.”

His lips pursed. “You really don’t remember?” He said breathily and my speaker muffled.

I bit my lip and hesitantly shook my head. My heart is beating so fast. May ginawa ba ako? Bat ganyan ang itsura niya?

I saw his adams apple moved and his lips twisted. His stubbles look good on him. “You passed out. Magaalas dose na kita nahatid pauwi.”

Agad akong nahiya. Pagod siya at galing pang byahe pero dumiretso sa bar para lang ihatid ako. “T-Thank you. And.. sorry pala.. sa abala.”

Anton was silent when the call ended. I thought he’s angry. Pero nagtetext padin naman siya at natawag.

Suplado si daddy hanggang sa mga sumunod na araw. Anton asked me kung kelan ako bibili ng gamit pero dahil masama ang timpla ni dad eh hindi na ako nakakaalis ulit. Siya din mismo ang sumama sakin bumili ng gamit sa school at ng mga idadagdag sa penthouse. Siya din ang sumama sakin sa school ng magpasa ako ng requirements at kunin ang schedule ko kaya hindi kami nakakapagkita ni Anton.

“I’ll miss you. Take care of yourself here. And remember my rules, Reina. No more drinking nor partying. Si manang at si Matthew ang bahala sayo dito. I should know kung susuway ka.” Dad hugged me tight when we arrived af the penthouse.

“Okay.” Kusa ding humupa ang pagkaaburido nito sakin. “Promise.”

“No sleepovers. No boys visiting you.” And list list goes on. Paulit ulit si dad sa mga bilin niyang lagi kong nadidinig kaya pairap irap nalang ako sa kawalan. I’m excited though. It’s my first night staying here!

“You are going to live alone so I expect you to be a responsible young lady. You must promise me that you will follow my terms and you’ll take care of yourself or I’ll drag your ass back home. You understand?”

My lips curled but I nodded. So overprotective. I’m not a child. I can take care of myself. I will finally have my freedom here.

Nagluto si manang at sa penthouse na kami kumain. Dad even stayed for dinner at magbabago pa nga ang isip ng hinatid ko na sa pinto pauwi.

“Dad. Come one. We talked about this. I’ll be fine. I have manang.. and Matt.” His eyes are bloodshot and he crouched to kissed my forehead.

“I just want you safe. All the time princess. I’m not here to protect you. If you get sick, I won’t be here. That’s why I need you to tell me if something is wrong.” He said as if he’s pained and regretting his decision.

“Ako ho ang bahala sir. Magsasabi naman ho ako kung may kakailanganin.” Singit ni manang na nagaabang din samin sa may living room. Matt is standing close to the door.

“Please. Take care of my daughter.” Dad, almost pleading, instructed Matt who nodded and assured him. My brows furrowed.

My head tilted to the side and held his arm. “Ang OA naman dad. Magdodorm lang po ako. It’s not like I’m not going to visit home? Pwede naman po akong umuwi kapag wala akong pasok.”

He inhaled deeply before patting my head. “Please tell me if anything happens. I’ll go now. Remember my rules, Reina. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

Ngumiti ako sa nagpaalam na si dad. Manang continue cleaning while Matt is on guard. Nagpunta naman ako sa room ko para maligo at makapagpahinga na. Pasukan na namin!

Kabanata 23

I woke up in a good disposition. I can say that I’m well rested and well adjusted living in this penthouse. Nagalarm naman ako pero nakaidlip ako ulit ng mapatay ito kaya si manang ang gumising sakin para sa agahan.

“Nagtatanong na ang daddy mo kanina pa kung gising kana. Hinihintay ka. Tawagan mo ha hija.” Ngiti ni manang Lupe ng maghain sa harap ko ng breakfast. I picked up my phone from the table and dialed dad’s number. One ring and he picks up the call.

“Reina.”

“Morning, dad. I’m having my breakfast. Kakagising ko lang po.” Kwento ko habang kinakapa ang mata para sa posibleng muta.

“Good morning, princess. You’ll be driving?”

I smiled. “Yes! Bibilisan ko ang kilos so I won’t be late.” I still have an hour and a half. It’s Monday and I know the flow of traffic sucks in our city, so I need to double time.

I heard him sigh. “Mag-ingat ka sa pagdadrive. Huwag kang mabilis magpatakbo. SVU is just near-”

“Opo I know. I’ll go na so I can take a bath after. Eat your breakfast din.”

“Okay. Take care in school. Bye, Reina.”

“Bye, dad. Love you!”

Pagkatapos kumain ay naghanda na akong maligo. I saw Anton’s good morning message.

“Good morning! Good luck on your first day of school.” My lips curved into a smile after reading his text. Mamaya ko na siya rereplyan dahil malelate na ako.

Dumiretso na ako ng banyo para maligo. I’m scanning myself in front of the mirror. I blowdried my hair and tied it in a high ponytail. Black skirt at white blouse ang uniform namin. I’m wearing the black heels dad and I bought recently. Nakaskintoned stockings din ako dahil part ng uniform. It’s hot because of that but I have no choice than to wear it.

Nang makuntento sa ayos ay lumabas na ako ng kwarto. Manang even asked if I wanted to take some packed lunch and hell I said no. I got my keys and stepped out of my unit.

Matt will be driving our van tailing me. Ako ang magdadrive ng SUV ko. Yay!

“Paalis na kami sir. Papunta na hong parking.” Dinig kong sabi ni Matt sa likod ko.

Nakatuon ang atensyon ko sa pagdadrive at dahil Lunes ay medyo traffic nga. It’s good that I allotted time or else I’m gonna be late on my first day.

I arrived ten minutes before my first period at nagmamadali akong magpark. I’m not really that good when it comes to parking but pwede na yan. Marami pang space para sa ibang sasakyan. Matt will be waiting for me outside the campus

There’s usually a flag ceremony every Monday pero ayoko nang maghintay sa grounds at umakyat na sa tamang floor ng classroom ko.

“314.. 315.. 316.” I stopped in front of the dedicated classroom for my first period. I’m excited and nervous at the same time.

I took a deep breath bago ko binuksan ang pinto ng classroom. There are few students already waiting inside. Siguro ang iba ay nasa flag ceremony sa baba or baka late.

I chose the chair beside the right window kung saan tanaw ang parkway rotunda ng university. Umupo ako at nakapangalumbaba sa desk habang nagsiscroll sa cellphone.

“I’m in my classroom waiting for my professor.” Nireplyan ko si dad na nagtatanong kung nasan na daw ako at kung maayos bang nakapagdrive.

“Are you at school now?” I read Anton’s text. I replied ‘yes’.

“Hello. Is this seat available?” A girl smiled at me. Obvious ba? Walang nakaupo diba?

I stopped myself from frowning at tumango nalang. “Yup.”

The girl settled beside me. One look at her things and I can tell that she is from a rich family. Her vanilla perfume is itching my nose.

Deretso lang ang tingin ko sa harap habang may iilang pumapasok sa classroom namin. Nagchat si Pierce na kung nasa school naba daw ako. Gusto nya na magsabay kami ng lunch mamaya.

Our professor came and introduced herself. Since first day lang naman to, most of our professors gave us the copy of the syllabus and set the house rules. Sunod namang nagpakilala ang buong klase. I hate this part. I was taught to socialize but not like this. Ang boring. Tipid akong nagpakilala. I used my preferred name and even if I feel like it’s unnecessary, I still disclosed in class my gender identity. Some were in awe while some of my girl classmates are raising their eyebrows. Who cares? I’m beautiful and rich, kayo? Scholars?

Amiel and I are classmates. Nasa likod siya banda at mukhang kasundo na ang mga lalake sa likuran dahil maiingay sila. While the girl beside me named Trisha, introduced herself after me. She said her father owns grocery stores and malls in the city while her mother is an architect. She has a sister, interior designer daw.

“Never thought of pursuing Architecture?”

“No po. Between the two industries my parents are in, I think business is perfect for me. And I want to make my own name in a different industry, not same as my sister.” She said in a very feminine voice.

Tumango tango ang professor. “That’s good. Sumali kana din ba ng beauty pageant? Malay mo manalo ka kagaya ng kapatid mo.” Hirit ni ma’am.

She said she did during senior high school and she won the title.

“Good. May muse na kayo sa klase.” Ani professor. Dinig ang bulungan at tawanan ng mga lalaki sa likuran dahil doon. They’re probably checking her out. She’s pretty alright.

“Boys at the back.” Saway nito. “Oh next!”

Sunod na tinawag ni ma’am ang lalaki sa likuran na tinuturo ng mga kaklase. Dinig mo ang malalanding bulungan ng mga babae sa harapan namin ng lumakad ito patungo sa harap. I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms.

“Hello everyone. I’m Lance Dela Vega. Nice to meet you all. Please be kind to me.” He said playfully and flashed his perfect smile that made the girls giggled.

“Kaano ano mo si Councilor Dela Vega?” My professor asked. She’s curious of her students family background. Ang iba kasing nagaaral sa SVU ay galing sa mga mayayaman at kilalang pamilya, habang ang iba naman ay mga scholars. She need not to ask about me for my family name is not very common. She immediately concluded earlier that I am the daughter of the owner of the well-known engineering firm here in the country.

My eyes darted at the guy in front and I’m a bit surprised to meet his eyes. He’s looking at me intently while being asked by the professor. Kumunot ang noo ko at napasandal ako sa upuan ng makitang sakin siya nakatingin at hindi sa professor. He looks familiar though.

“He’s my father, ma’am.” He responded, still not tearing off his gaze at me.

“Oh. I see. Why business management? You don’t want to follow your father’s footsteps?” Our professor probed.

The guy shook his head. “It’s not in my mind, ma’am. Besides, our family exports furnitures and woodwork. I think my father would want me to be more engaged in our business.” My brow shot up when I heard his answer. Same as Anton’s. Furniture din ang kanila na madalas kinukuha namin sa mga projects ng MECS.

“That makes sense. Thank you, Mr. Dela Vega. You may go back to your sit. Next.” Ani professor.

Sa mga sumunod pang subject ay ganito din ang scenario. Some professors are particular with the alphabetical seating arrangement while some doesn’t even pay attention kung may bakante bang upuan sa may gitna. We also had an election for the class officers sa isang major subject namin.

With each subject pass, the class are getting more familiar with each other. The girl beside me is even making small talk with me.

“I can’t believe I’m sitting next to the Montecarlo heiress. I hope we can be friends.” Sabi ni Trisha sa pilit na ngiti. I did the same. There’s something off with this girl.

I quickly stormed out of the room when the bell rang. Pierce and I had our lunch together. Sa hapon, dahil block section kami iilan lang ang irregular ay halos yung mga kasama ko kanina ang kasama ko parin sa room.

Amiel and I never had an interaction today. Though he followed me when our last subject is done. Nagpatuloy lang ako sa paglalakad lalo pa at narinig kong tinawag din siya ng mga lalake naming kaklase.

Pagdating ng parking ay diko naitago ang gulat ng makita si Anton na kausap ni Matt. Nakausual na puting polo at itim na slacks. Why is he here?

Both of them turned to me when they felt my presence. Agad sumilay ang ngiti ni Anton.

“Good afternoon.” He greeted.

“Ahm.. good afternoon. Why are you here?”

His lips twisted. “How’s your first day?” He answered me with another question.

“F-Fine.” I’m weary of the surroundings. Uwian na namin. Pano kung dumaan dito si Amiel? At makita siya dito kasama ko?

He closed our distance as he walked towards me with both hands in his pockets. “Dumaan lang ako. I’ll meet up with an investor at a nearby restaurant.”

“O-Okay.” The only word came out of my mouth.

“I wanted to date you, but you have a curfew and you need to be home.” Nakangusong sabi nito. May breathing hitched. My eyes swiftly moved to Matt who is unmoving behind Anton.

“S-Sa ibang araw nalang..” I whispered.

“Yes, baby. I’ll make it up to you.” He whispered back. My heart started beating so fast.

Ako na ang nagpaalam dahil hindi ko matagalan ang interaksyong iyon. He wants to take me home instead and adjust his meeting an hour later but I don’t want to be a hassle. Isa pa, gusto ko nga masanay na magdrive.

“How’s your first day?” Dad asked me on the phone pagkadating ng penthouse.

“Fine. Boring. We’ll have the discussion proper in the next coming days.”

I had my dinner, then took a shower and go to bed. That’s how my day went. There’s not much adjustment really dahil binebaby padin ako ni dad. Para parin akong nasa bahay dahil andito si manang at meron akong bodyguard. Ang kaibahan lang, hindi ko siya kasama. I wanted to learn how to do things on my own and I’m glad manang said she can teach me how to cook one of these days. Para matuto ako.

Anton briefly called me just before I go to sleep. Mukhang magpupuyat nanaman sya sa mga trabaho at may virtual meeting siya sa team nila sa Barcelona.

Nilock ko ang kotse pagkalabas. I’m still a working progress with how to park my car. Tumango lang si Matt sakin at sinabing maghihintay. Nagsimula akong maglakad ng may tumawag sakin.

“Hey, Ria!” Some guy called. I turned in a snap to see who it is. I remember his face. One of my classmates.

Agad tumaas ang kilay ko. What?

He chuckled. “Good morning. Sabay na tayo?”

I shrugged at nagpatuloy na sa paglalakad. Ramdam ko naman ang pagsunod niya.

“So gantong oras ka pala dumadating.”

“Why? Were you waiting for me?” Diko maiwasang usisa.

Muli lang itong tumawa. “If I say yes, will that be a problem?” He wiggled his brows. I almost cringed.

He barked out of laughter when he didn’t get a response from me. “Ang sungit mo naman miss. You don’t remember me?”

I tilted my head to the side and gave him a stern look while still walking. What do you mean?

His lips curved upward while nodding to himself. Hawak nya ang strap ng backpack habang sinasabayan ako sa paglakad. “I guess not.”

Tumigil ako sa paglakad at saglit na pinaling ang katawan sakanya. “I’m sorry. Do I know you?” I think siya yung anak ng councilor. Did I meet him before?

“We met at a bar some months ago. You don’t remember?”

I stared at his expressive eyes for a second. Kusang umangat ang kilay ko ng may maisip.

Lance. That’s his name.

“Southrizz?” I confirmed. Yun lang ang huling bar na pinuntahan ko.

His smile grew wider. “Yup. I was playing beerpong when I saw you.”

That’s why he’s familiar. I didn’t know back then that he’s a son of a reputed councilor.

“I’m.. I remember now. Sorry.”

Nagpatuloy kami sa paglalakad hanggang sa narating ang classroom. He’s talkative alright. Feeling close agad at nagtatanong ng kung anoano sa buhay ko.

“Can I sit beside you?” He asked when he entered the room.

May ibang mga estudyante na sa loob at napatingin samin na bagong pasok. I felt awkward to refuse so I just nod. Ngumiti ito sakin.

Iyon nga lang, andun na sa dating pwesto si Trisha. I don’t want to switch seats dahil gusto ko ang view sa pwesto ko kapag tinatamad akong makinig sa klase.

“Oh. Hi.” Lance greeted Trisha. The latter smiled and greeted him a good morning. Ganun din sakin kaya tumango ako.

“I guess I’ll sit behind you.” Lance winked at me. I winced at what he did.

We settled down ng muling umingay para sa mga bagong pasok na estudyante.

“Oh san ka bro?” I heard a guy asked.

Suddenly a silhouette stood in front of us. I looked up and saw.. Amiel.

“Hey. Can we exhange seats?” He casually asked Trisha. How rude. And excuse me? Ayaw ko siyang katabi!

Trisha was taken aback with what Amiel asked. I thought I even saw her eyes glittered at the sight of Amiel. Kumunot ang noo ko.

Nakatingala padin ito kay Amiel at pinagsalop ang kamay sa desk niya. “Ahm.. this is my seat.”

For a fraction I saw irritation in Amiel’s eyes pero nawala iyon ng nabaling ang tingin niya sakin. Agad akong nagiwas ng tingin at lumingon sa window. Humalukipkip.

I heard him sighed. “Please. You can move to the next seat.” Napipilitang sabi nito.

“Oh. Ahm.. kay. I guess.” Dinig kong sabi ni Trisha. Girl! Ugh!

Napairap ako sa kawalan. Amoy ko ang pabango ni Amiel ng umupo siya sa tabi ko.. at si Trisha mukhang sa tabi niya, introducing herself to the brute between us.

I felt Lance poked my back. I craned my neck to see him. Pursing his lips, his brow shot up at tinuro si Amiel sa tabi ko. I sighed and shrugged my shoulders. Diko din alam bat nandito iyan.

Nagsimula ang araw ko sa mga bagong professor na nameet namin at sa ibang subjects na nagsimula na magklase. I’m doing my best not to glance at Amiel’s way especially that I can see on my peripheral that he’s looking at me from time to time.

“Where will you take your lunch?” I heard him asked lowly. I know he’s asking me. Wow!

“None of your bizz.” Mahina ngunit may diin kong sagot habang nakatingin padin sa prof sa harap.

Maaga ang lunch break ko today. I asked for Pierce’s schedule at mukhang conflict kami. Ako tuloy ang magisang kakain. I’m thinking of eating outside pero mainit. Pwedeng sa cafeteria nalang sa roofdeck ako kakain. I heard maganda ang view doon.

“Hey, Ria. Lunch?” Kalabit ni Lance nung nagaayos ako ng gamit sa bag.

Amiel immediately cleared his throat. “We’re having our lunch together.” He demanded. Ibang klase din ito.

“Oh. Where are you guys going to eat? Can I join you?” Trisha’s high-pitched voice interrupt us. Goodness. I just want to eat in peace.

Isa isa ng nagtatayuan ang mga kaklase namin. May ilang kaklase kami sa bandang likod na tinatawag din si Amiel.

“I’ll eat at the cafeteria.” I said to Lance after replying to Anton. Tumayo nako ay nakaabang padin siya sa isasagot ko.

“San tayo maglunch bro?” Conyong tanong ng isang kaklase namin na lumapit.

“How about we all eat together? Medyo maaga pa so I guess wala pa masyadong tao sa cafeteria.” Singit ni Trisha.

With my annoyed and uncomfortable look I want them to know na ayokong sumama sakanila. I started walking out pero kasabay ko silang lumabas at naguusap. Even Lance agreed to Trisha na mas cool daw kung group lunch.

I told them I’m going to eat sa roofdeck at natrigger nun ang curiosity ng mga classmates ko. In the end, nacorner nila ako at sumama sila sa gusto kong kainan.

We are a group of eight dahil kasama namin ang mga lalaking kaklase na nakaupo sa likod. They are talking to Trisha while Lance is attentive to me.

“Do you usually eat at the cafeteria? Or gusto mo din sa labas ng campus?” He asked.

Well it’s our second day, siguro kung mabored ako sa food selection ay mapipilitan ding kumain sa labas paminsan minsan. “Depends. If I’m the mood to eat something, I guess.”

Lance is asking what do I usually like to eat. While I don’t want people who are nosy, I’m still responding just so I won’t be awkward dahil sumusunod samin si Amiel.

We found a large table that can cater our group. We put down our bags and started checking the food stalls sa mga magugustuhang pagkain.

Pagkatapos umorder ay bumalik nako sa pwesto. Lance followed me pero may mas naunang kumuha ng upuan niya sa tabi ko.

Irritated, I wanted to switch seats pero sumunod na ang ibang kasama nila at namili na ng upuan.

“Dito ako Amiel ah?” Ani Trisha at umupo sa ikatlong upuan. I sighed in frustration.

“You okay there? Dito nalang ako.” Si Lance na pinili ang kabisera. Tumango nalang ako.

Nakaupo sa tapat namin ang tila naging kaibigan ni Amiel sa klase. I sat down and started eating. The boys are talking about the basketball tryout. Then they went back to asking Trisha about her hobbies.

“Try this.” I heard Amiel offered his food.

“No, thanks.” Agap ko.

I heard his loud exhale but whatever. Nakatuon ang tingin ko sa pagkain.

“You know each other?” Lance can’t help but finally asked.

“Yes. And you?” Amiel snorted.

Napasinghap ako. Are you seriously doing this in front of the food?

Matalim kong tinitigan si Amiel. His gaze lowered down to me and he sighed. The group seems oblivious of that heated conversation as they started asking about me. The guys seem nice and genuinely curious so I’m open to answering their questions, even with how I transitioned.

“So may boyfriend kana Ria?” Aljhon asked. Halos masamid ako. Lance’s eyes drifted to me, anticipating my answer.

Ramdam ko ang pagbaling sakin ng isang katabi ko. “I-I don’t have a b-boyfriend.”

Thank God I survived that lunch. Nagpaalam akong magrerestroom muna at ganun din naman daw ang iba sa mga kasama namin.

I went inside the cubicle to pee. Pagkatapos ay naghugas ako ng kamay at nagtoothbrush.

I’m washing my hands when Trisha came out of the other cubicle. Her well-practiced smile is plastered on her face.

She checked her makeup in the mirror and washed her hands while I finger-combed my hair staring at my reflection.

“So.. you and Amiel..?” She raised a brow at me. I stared at her blanky.

She forced a smile while getting her breath spray on her pink kit. “I saw him offering you takoyaki.”

“We’re just.. friends.” Sabi ko at kinuha ang liptint para magretouch.

I saw her craned her neck. “You know.. my mom and his are in the same circle. That’s why I know him.” She said proudly. So? Should I congratulate you?

This girl is obviously into Amiel. I must forgot how he can easily draw attention of the girls in school. Well. I don’t care.

“I thought you are a thing. I think it was mentioned in one of the parties I’ve attended. About you two?” She looks sarcastic while fixing her ponytail. I almost rolled her eyes.

“We’re not. I’m not your competition.” I gave her a bored look at sinukbit na ang bag sa balikat. Ganito ba talaga ang klase ng mga babae mo Amiel? Mapamayaman o ordinaryong tao?

She laughed mockingly. “Oh no you sound offended! That’s not what I meant! I just know him but it’s actually my first time speaking with him. While my sister, knows his brother. They are working together.”

Nakalabas na ako ng restroom pero malinaw kong narinig ang sinabi niya. She said her sister is working with Anton? On what?

What she said bothers me na hanggang sa afternoon period namin ay tahimik ako. We are seatmates at alam ko ang mga nakakaloko niyang ngiti sa tuwing nalilingon sa gawi ko.

Don’t worry. I was never in a competition with Amiel. Good luck with you though.

Our class ended and Amiel almost stopped me ng tumayo siya sa may pinto ng classroom. The guys behind me are talking to him and he made it seem like he was waiting and listening to them, kahit hindi ako pinapadaan.

“Ria. Sabay na tayo lumabas?” I heard Lance.

“What’s with you and that dumbass.” Amiel muttered while gritting his teeth.

My brow shot up. “Why do you ask? Step aside. Lalabas nako.” I slightly pushed his abdomen and walked out. Si Lance naman eh parang asong sumusunod.

“Oh so you’re driving your own car pala. Nice. Same here.” He smiled. He’s clearly hitting on me. Its just that I’m not interested.

“Yeah. That’s me. Bye.” Sabi ko ng tumigil sa tapat ng sasakyan ko. Matt is already outside the car waiting.

“Oh. Okay. Bye!” He bid his goodbye after taking a quick glance at my bodyguard. I sighed and shook my head.

Hanggang sa maggabi ay naglalaro sa isip ko ang sinabi ni Trisha kanina.

“Reina?” Anton called my attention again. I’m spacing out.

“Yeah. You were saying?”

He watched me before sighing. “You must be tired. Are you sleepy?”

I bit my lip. He’s home late dahil may meeting daw. I asked if its for a client. He said he met with his colleagues for the condo-project. The client is holding a gala launch for that.

“Isn’t that too much? How will you focus with the ongoing project in Barcelona?” I asked. Trisha used present tense. Which means, her sister is currently working with Anton. I don’t remember her surname being a part of our company. She must be hired by the client independently.

His lips parted. “Are you worried about me? Don’t worry. I can handle it.” He said playfully.

Diko ramdam ang pagkunot ng noo sa paninitig sa kanya. He’s wearing a white sando and his table seems busy with paperwork. Trisha’s sister is definitely the likes of girls who are linked with Anton. Socialite girl, who is into pageantry.

“Is something wrong? You seem bothered.” He asked.

I sighed. “I’m just tired. I’ll go to sleep.”

Days turned to weeks and I never had the chance to ask Anton about it. He’s always updating me with his whereabouts and he’s curious about mine. Pero di iyon kailanman nasama sa topic namin.

I’m getting the gist of how college works. I’m still constant with speaking to dad everyday. Tuwing weekends, kailangan uuwi ako sa bahay. Kahapon nga bumisita siya sa penthouse galing MECS. He’s curious of how I’m adjusting. I learned to socialize with my classmates dahil minsan ay nakakagrupo ko sa activity, minsan naman ay kasama maglunch. Nakilala nadin nina Pierce at Penelope ang iba sa kanila ng sumabay sila sakin maglunch.

Trisha is the star if the classroom because she was chosen to represent the class in the upcoming acquaintance party. And since Amiel is our class escort, they are together.

Amiel and I are civil with each other. I already unblocked him dahil magkagrupo kami sa isang activity last time and our leader created a group chat for us all. Though there are times that he will strike a conversation, I’m just trying to be polite whenever I respond. Besides, andyan naman si Trisha na gustong nakukuha ang atensyon niya.

The school held the varsity tryouts and the boys in class will be part of the program introduction. Sa Friday na iyan. Pumayag naman si daddy because it’s a school event. Sinabi ko kasing gagabihin.

“No sneaking out. No drinking. After the event, you go straight home. Kay?” Dad reminded me.

He wants me to go home to the mansion dahil wala naman daw akong pasok ng kinabukasan.

Halfday lang ang klase namin dahil nga may event mamayang hapon. Sa penthouse na ako naglunch. Anton is in MECS for a project meeting. He talked to me earlier this morning.

“I’ll pick you up when it’s done. We’ll have dinner before I take you home.” He said.

Hinagod ni manang Lupe ang balikat ko habang kumakain. “Sigurado kang hindi ako magluluto ng hapunan mo?”

With stuffed mouth, I shook my head.

“Osige. Sa casa na ako dederetso ng hapon. Magingat ka sa party na iyan ha.”

I chose a black cross-neck knitted knee-length dress and paired with my white cardigan. I want to dress up but we still have to follow the student handbook since the acquaintance party will be held inside the university premises.

Around two-thirty ng makarating ako ng San Vicente University. Matt drove the SUV dahil ayokong magdala ng sasakyan at susunduin din ako ni Anton mamaya. Outside the school premises are street vendors who are taking advantage of the school event. The students are packed and loud when I entered the university. We’re not open-house though, students lang ng SVU ang magaacquaintance.

Nagstart na ang parade sa rotunda with the university mascot. Party banners are everywhere. Posts with each of the sigils of the college departments are on display in every building.

My phone rings. Pangalawang tawag na ni Pierce. Nagreply ako sakanyang nasa loob nako.

“Ate ko! Kanina pa nagstart. Second turn na to. San ka banda?”

“I’m here sa ground near the gate. Where are you?”

“Ih umikot kami! Dapat nagjoin ka ng parade. Tara habol ka. Namimigay sila ng college bracelet!”

What will I do with that cheap bracelet?

“I’ll just wait for you here. Mainit sa part na iyan.” Our campus looks like a resort on the inside. There’s a lagoon near the university chapel and trees are planted everywhere kaya medyo mapresko kahit mainit. Mararamdaman mo lang ang init kapag lumabas ka ng campus.

“Osige. Nood tayo nung dance troop. Magbar kami mamaya kasi restday. G ka?”

“I can’t. I have plans.”

“Ay! May date?”

I smirked and rolled my eyes. “Pinapauwi ako ni dad after ng acquaintance. I can’t drink.”

Dahil matagal pa ang ikot ng student parade, dumiretso muna ako sa college namin kung saan may mga estudyante ding naghihintay. I saw my blockmates so I joined them waiting for the university mascot to pass.

Minutes have passed at tanaw na namin ang parade sa college of medical sciences. College namin ang susunod. Pierced stopped at our building. Pinakilala niya din ako sa ibang kaklase niya na lumahok sa parade.

The students then poured to the auditorium as the event is about to commenced. The athletes were introduced as well as the reigning Mr. and Ms. SVU.

There’s a short game for us. May pinapahanap na envelope sa ilalim ng seats and may prize ang makakakuha. The lucky student is a multimedia arts major.

We watched the two dance troops performed on stage. They’re really good. Pagkatapos sa auditorium ay lumabas na kami to try the free food stall by the seniors. May photo booth din na pwede magpakuha ang mga students.

The university invited two bands and one solo artist to perform tonight. Magaalas singko na ng nagsimula ang banda.

I’m with my classmates watching the band perform. The guys behind us are talking about going to a nearby bar after the performance. Chill daw since Friday.

“G tayo? It’s the weekend. We deserve to have fun.” Si Lance na sumiksik at nakatayo na ngayon sa gilid ko.

“I have plans. Sorry. Next time.” Ngiti ko dito.

“Oh. Sayang naman. How about an hour? Saglit lang. Bonding with our classmates.” He chuckled.

My lips pursed and softly shook my head. “Sorry. Di talaga pwede eh. Sa susunod siguro.”

I stayed until the first performance of the second band. Masakit na ang paa ko at pagod na din kaya gusto ko ng umuwi.

“Te. Ayaw mo talaga sumama? Kahit saglit lang. Paalam ka kaya?” Si Pierce ng kinalabit ko siya para magpaalam.

“Next time. I really need to go.” I said at nakipagbeso sakanya. Natampal ko pa siya sa braso dahil kadiri at pawis na pawis. Tumawa lang ito.

I excused myself at sumiksik na sa mga nakalinyang estudyante. Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga ng makawala sa crowd. It’s too hot and exhausting to watch the performance with a huge crowd, but I guess its worth it especially if you are their fan.

“I’m going out.” I replied to Anton. Kadadating niya lang daw ng campus.

“Ria. Alis kana?” I almost groaned when I heard Lance’s voice behind me. This guy can be really persuasive and its annoying.

Pilit akong ngumiti ng humarap sakanya. “Yup. I told you I have plans.”

“I know. Hatid nalang kita sa labas.”

“No need. I can manage.” I dismissed him and now he’s following me.

“No. I insist. I’ll just walk you outside. Anyway, may kukunin din naman ako sa sasakyan ko.” Habol nito na tila nagmamadali. Kinakalikot pa ang cellphone.

“Ria.” I heard a deep voice called my name. Ano ba? Bakit andaming hanap ng hanap?

Lance and I turned and saw Amiel’s piercing eyes darted at Lance before looking at me. I can see his jaw defined and clenching under the night party lights.

“Can I talk to you?” Nakapamulsa nitong sabi.

“I have to go. I have plans-”

“I.. need to talk to you. Please?” May pilit nitong sabi.

“Sorry bro. She needs to go eh. Ihahatid ko sa labas-”

“Will you shut up and leave? Your presence isn’t needed here.” Amiel growled. This brute.

“Hey..” saway ko. “Lance. It’s okay. I don’t need to be accompanied anyway. You can go back.”

“No!” My lips parted and took offense with his response. Mukhang nagulat siya kaya agad itong huminahon. “I mean.. gusto lang kita samahan sa labas. I can wait for you after you two talk.”

Amiel grunted. I felt my phone vibrated. I swear these boys are giving me headache.

“She said she doesn’t need it. Back the fuck off dude.” Amiel advanced. Nagtapatan sila ng tingin.

“Lance. You can go. I’ll.. talk to Amiel.”

I thought I saw fire in his eyes but he smiled sadly at me. Tumango ito at tumungo sa phone bago naglakad palayo.

“Now. What do you want?” Nakahalukipkip kong lingon kay Amiel. Humakbang pa ito at bumuntong hininga.

I stepped back once and that made him clenched his jaw again. We’re just talking. No need for us to lose space.

“Can we go somewhere private?” He almost pleaded.

“I don’t have much time. I have plans tonight.”

“Where?” Maagap niyang sagot.

“Why do you care? Please, let’s not waste time. Anong paguusapan natin?” I impatiently ranted. Anton is already waiting outside.

Napayuko ito. “I.. I’m.. sorry. Ria I’m sorry. Please..” he looked up to me with guilt in his eyes. “Forgive me.”

My lips parted in awe as I saw him look awful. What? Have you finally come to your senses?

“Believe me I.. I’m just.. confused and.. fuck.” Saglit itong tumalikod at napahilamos sa mukha. He turned back to me with now glistening eyes.

“I’m confused.. and I’m.. scared. Fucking scared…”

He look so weak right now and I don’t even know how to react! Oh my God!

Napahilamos din ako ng mukha dahil sa stress. I bit my lip and watched his reaction.

I sighed. “It’s.. uhh.. fine. Forget about it. Let’s just move on-”

“I can’t..” he interrupted me and I was stunned when he closed our distance. “I did bad things. You might think I’m playing with your feelings but.. I’m sorry. I truly am, Ria.”

“I was hurt, offended and humiliated with what you did. I’m sure you would also agree that that is not something that is easy to forgive. O-Okay. I.. just forget about it.” I said a matter of factly. I appreciate his apology and he look sincere, but right now my mind is somewhere else. I guess we can talk some other time.

He’s just looking at me intently and listening to every word I say, as if I’m casting stones at him.

“I’m open for us to be friends. We can be casual to each other. And act like it didn’t happen. I’m.. fine with that.”

He sighed. “I’m still.. I want to-”

My phone vibrated for a call. My brows furrowed as it registered Matt’s name. What’s the matter?

“Sorry. I really need to go. We can.. talk some other time, Amiel. Bye.”

He called for me but I turned and walked hastily. “Why? Palabas nako. I’m going with Anton.” May inis kong sabi kay Matt. Dad is seriously over protective. Hindi naman nakikialam sa oras ko si Matt ah?

“Ma’am asan kana? Naghihintay sayo si engineer. Pupuntahan kita. Asan ka?” Taranta nito.

I rolled my eyes. “Just you wait. Palabas palang ako ng main gate. You don’t need to fetch me for I will ride with Anton. Ibaba mo na.”

“Ma’am kailangan kasi-” binaba ko na ang tawag ng malapit na ako sa gate. I saw missed calls from Anton and his text looking for me.

“I just parked my car in front of your school. I’ll wait for you.”

“Where are you, Reina?”

“Baby, please please answer.”

“Palabas na ako sa main gate. Where are you?” I quickly typed in my reply habang humahakbang pababa ng hagdan. Hindi ko pa nasesend ay may tumawag ng pansin ko.

“Ma’am. Bracelet? Lucky charm to.” Ngisi ng isang madungis na mama.

Umiling lang ako at muling tumingin sa phone at deretso sa paglakad.

“Sige na ma’am. Bili kana pampaswerte murang mura lang.”

“I don’t need that.” I tilted my head to the rugged man after hitting the send button. He’s grin is creeping me out. Desperate beggars.

“Kelangan mo to. Dimo alam kung hanggang san ka poprotektahan ng yaman mo.”

What the man said made me pissed. I turned to him to lash out but I stepped back when I saw his sinister gaze. His malicious smirk is plastered on his dirty face. He looks familiar. “E-Excuse me? How d-dare you talk to m-me like t-that?”

I became cautious as there’s another man standing next to him, silent but cautiously staring at me. He’s holding a small phone on his ear. I quickly surveyed the area and there are students chatting. May iilang vendors din. I just don’t know why I don’t feel safe.

“Likas kang maramot. Bakla.” Panguuyam nito kaya lalong kumulo ang dugo ko.

“Abat! You beggar! Ayoko nga bumili ng cheap mong paninda! Go away! Hindi ka bagay dito!”

My chest is frantically raising but I still shouted at the rugged man. May ilang estudyanteng napalingon samin, marahil dahil sa pagsigaw ko.

“Tol. Hindi daw tuloy. Lika na.” Dinig kong hila sakanya ng kasama niyang parehas niya ng damit pero di napuputol ang nakakatakot niyang titig sakin pati ang malokong ngisi.

“Maswerte ka lang. Iyong kapatid mo naghihirap.” Nagpatianod ang mama sa pagkaladkad sakanya pero nanatili siyang nakalingon sakin gamit ang nanlilisik at namumulang mata maging ang malademonyong ngisi.

My eyes widened and my jaw almost dropped when I realized what he said. Creep sent shivers to my spine. The way he insulted me seems like he know me. Kahit na hindi ko naman siya kilala.

He said.. what? Kapatid? The fuck?

Hinahabol ko ang paghinga ng hindi ko mapigilang mapasigaw ng may maramdaman akong mainit na kamay na humawak sakin.

“What’s wrong?” Anton’s worried eyes met mine. Kumunot ang noo nito sa reaksyon ko. I saw Matt behind him, ginagala ang tingin sa paligid habang nagsasalita sa intercom. Agad akong nakahinga ng maluwag.

I swallowed hard and looked back at the direction where the two men ran but they were no longer there.

Kabanata 24

“Are you alright? You look scared.” Anton asked while caressing my arms. We are here in the parking area. I swallowed the big lump on my throat as I am drowning with my thoughts.

I’m still catching my breath. I can say that I somehow felt relieved but I’m still bothered with what that rugged vendor said.

We don’t have enemies. Our family has competitors, many, but we never receive any death threats, let alone hate messages from someone.

Our family has even been active with helping various charities for generations. I can’t think of a single entity that would go these lengths.

That man either had me mistaken for someone else, or he truly knows who I am and my family background. For that I felt frightened to the core.

“Hey. Talk to me, please.” Anton whispered. Ni hindi ko magawang sumagot dahil sa pinaghalong takot at pagkalito.

“Engineer. Pasensya na pero kailangan ko na iuwi si ma’am. Hinahanap na siya ni sir kanina pa. Maggagabi na rin.” Singit ni Matt.

I felt Anton sighed as he hugged me tight. “Alright. Can I drive?”

I didn’t hear Matt respond but I guess he agreed. Anton guided me to his car, and Matt went to my SUV. Before I take the passenger seat, hiningi ni Matt ang susi ng kotse ko.

“W-What about the c-car you b-brought?” My voice is still shaking when I asked my bodyguard.

“Pinakuha ko na sa kapalitan ko ma’am. Wala kanang dapat ipagalala.” Ngumiti siya sakin ng pilit ngunit bakas ang pangamba sa mata niya. I don’t usually see emotions from him. He’s usually stoic, but now, it’s different.

“Are you hungry? We can grab a takeout. Kumain ka habang nasa byahe.” Anton asked as he started maneuvering the steering wheel. I feel bad. We’re supposed to have dinner together but I’m no longer in the mood.

Mahina akong umiling. Wala nakong gana. Hindi ko ata masikmurang kumain. “S-Sa bahay nalang.”

“Can you tell me what happened?” Anton tried to probe once more, pero wala akong masagot.

I heard him sighed. “Whenever you’re ready, Reina. I want you to know that you can trust me. If you need someone to talk to, I can listen.” I felt him glance at me from time to time pero nanatiling tuwid ang tingin ko sa kalsada.

The ride is not that long o siguro dahil lutang parin ako at hindi makapagisip ng tama, hindi ko namalayan na nasamin na kami.

Agad kumunot ang noo ko ng makitang may tatlong sasakyan sa labas ng mansyon namin. We have a visitor?

Anton parked in his usual spot, just before the vicinity of our tall automatic fences. Pinatay niya ang makina at bumaling sakin.

Slowly, my still trembling hands unbuckled my seatbelt. “T-Thank you. I’m.. I’m sorry.. I don’t think we c-can have dinner t-”

“It’s alright. We can have dinner some other time. I want you to rest, and not to overthink.” He smiled wearily. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako naiiyak ng makita siyang halos magsumamo na aluin ako. Hindi ko mabasa ang mata niya.

He leaned on me to kiss my forehead. “Whatever happens, I’m always right here. You’ll always have me.”

I sniffed while nodding. That made me feel better somehow. Unti unti kong binuksan ang pinto ko kung saan nakaabang na si Matt na nasa isang tenga ang dalawang daliri at tila may kausap parin sa earpiece.

I stepped out of Anton’s car and immediately saw two of our bodyguards approaching.

“Bilis tol. Kami na dito. Pasok mo si ma’am.”

“Magandang gabi ma’am Ria.”

Sabay na sabi ng dalawang bodyguard. It’s still early. Bakit ako hinahanap eh alam naman na uuwi ako?

Saglit kong nilingon ang itim na Montero habang ineescort ako ni Matt at ng isa naming bodyguard papasok. Anton blinked his headlights three times. I pursed my lips.

Tanaw ko na sa main entrance ng mansion si dad na palakad lakad at tila may kausap sa cellphone. Below the steps are some unfamiliar men. Sa may likod niya ay si manang Lupe. I caught her attention which made her announced that I’m home.

Dad immediately turned to me. He put his phone down to his side pocket and removed his reading glasses before quickly walking towards me.

Sinalubong ako ng mahigpit niyang yakap. “Where have you been, princess?” I can feel his chest rising but his voice still sounded controlled. I felt him sighed heavily, as if he was relieved.

Nakagat ko ang labi at pumikit. I don’t really understand what’s happening. I remember what that poor vendor said.

“Maswerte ka lang. Iyong kapatid mo naghihirap.”

He better had me mistaken from someone else. Dahil nagiisang anak ako. Wala akong… kapatid.

Daddy has been widowed for many years yet he remained faithful to mommy.

Or did he?

Anong alam ng gusgusing mama na iyon about me? Why is he insinuating that I have a sibling? A sister? Or.. a brother?

Our family is well-known in the country and some parts of the world but we tried our best to be low-profile. Or at least dad. Kaya nga ayaw niya pa akong magmodelo. He doesn’t want my face appearing in tabloids. So I don’t understand where this scandal is coming from and why its disturbing me.

Lumuwag ang yakap ni daddy at kinulong ng magkabilang palad ang pisngi ko. Kita ang tila pagod at pagaalala sa mga mata niya.

I sniffed as I stared back at my dad. My rock. My foundation. If what I heard was true, I don’t think..

I don’t think I can take it.

“Are you alright? Did something.. is there something wrong?” Daddy is careful with his words.. I know. He asked but I remained silent, trying hard not to let my tears run down my cheeks.

“Sir. Pumasok na muna siguro tayo sa loob. Mahamog na rin at gabi na.” Dinig kong tawag samin ni manang.

I was able to scan the ground. We have bodyguards and some unfamiliar men in black uniform on standby. They are tito Ronin’s men I’m sure. Ganito din ang suot ng mga naginstall ng security cameras namin. Kakapasok lang din ng isa pang bodyguard na pinasok ang sasakyan ko sa garage.

“You’ll catch a cold. Let’s get inside. Manang has prepared our dinner-”

“I’m not hungry.” I stopped dad midair. He looked at me wearily.

“I.. I want to rest. I’m tired.”

He heaved a deep sigh. “Are you sure? Kumain muna tayo bago ka-”

“Aakyat na po ako. Good night.” Kumawala ako sa yakap niya at dumiretso ng pasok ng bahay. Hindi tinatapunan ng tingin ang mga bodyguard at iilang kasambahay na nagaabang.

This is the first time I’ve heard about it. I call bullshit on this. This.. this is not true.

Anton sent me a message saying he’s home. He’s asking about me. I didn’t respond. I don’t feel like talking to people.

Sabado kinabukasan at walang pasok. Pero wala si dad sa bahay. He’s usually in the cemetery kahit maaga pa kapag ganito. O iyon lang talaga ang iniisip ko?

The house helpers greeted me a good morning when I went down from my room. Agad kong sinuri ang living room.

“Hey. You.” I called one of the bodyguards outside. Nakahalukipkip akong nakatayo sa main door. Agad itong lumapit na nasa likod ang magkabilang kamay.

“Ma’am?” Tanong ng bodyguard.

“Where’s dad?”

“Ah umalis ho. May pinuntah-”

“Where?” I cut him off. Tumaas ang kilay at naghintay ng sagot.

“Kay madame ho. Dumalaw si sir-”

“Are you sure? Who’s with him?” I’m starting to breathe heavily kaya mas dumiin ang pagkahalukipkip ko.. pinipigilan ang emosyon. I can feel the stares of the house helpers cleaning the living room but I don’t care.

“Si Renan ho ma’am. Saka may dalawa pa po nakaconvoy.”

“And? After that? Saan siya pupunta?”

“May kailangan ho ba kayo? Itatawag ko-”

“Saan siya susunod na pupunta?” Hindi ko maitago ang inis. Why can’t you answer? You don’t know? You are supposed to guard us. You should know our whereabouts hindi ba?

Napakamot ito ng batok. “H-Hindi ko ho alam ma’am eh. Itatanong ko ho-”

Umismid ako at iniwan ko ang bodyguard bago dumiretso ng dining. I know I’m being paranoid but can you blame me? When I think about it thoroughly last night, dad always stay up late kapag bumibisita kay mommy. Iyon ang alam ko. Oh iyon siguro ang gusto niyang isipin ko?

What if.. what if hindi pala?

Pano kung may iba siyang pinupuntahan? Na hindi sinasabi sakin?

“Oh Ria. Mabuti at gising kana. Halika ipaghahain kita.” tawag sa atensyon ko ni mamang galing kitchen.

Umismid ako at umupo with my arms still crossed. The house helpers started pouring from the kitchen to bring food to the table.

“Hindi ka kumain kagabi. Nagalala ang daddy mo sayo. Masama ba ang pakiramdam mo?” Si manang habang naghahain ng pritong hotdog.

I shook my head. “Where’s dad, manang? Do you know?” Tumaas ang kilay ko sa matanda. Mataman naman ako nitong tinignan.

“Sa mommy mo hija. Dinala dito ng flowershop ang bulaklak kaya dinala niya ngayon sa semente-”

“Tapos? May.. pupuntahan pa po ba siya?”

Simpleng tumingin sa kawalan si manang at nagisip “Mmm. Meeting siguro. Hindi ko alam eh. May kailangan kaba? Ipapautos ko-”

“Nope. Thanks, manang.” I dismissed manang Lupe and started eating my breakfast.

Tanghali ng makauwi si dad. Dumiretso siya sa hapag para saluhan ako sa tanghalian.

“How’s my princess?” He went to kiss my forehead while I’m watching his reaction intently.

“The bodyguard told me you were looking for me. Tulog kapa ng umalis ako kanina. You need something?” Maingat nitong tanong.

“Where have you been?” I raised a brow at him. Dumiretso lang siya sa kabisera at umupo. Muling bumaling ang tingin sakin.

“I visited your mom. I wanted to bring you, but you’re still asleep when I checked on you earlier.” So? Bat hindi ako ginising? Kailangan magisa ka lang aalis?

“You should’ve wake me up. I want to visit mom too.” I cleared my throat. He watched me put food on my plate. I heard him sigh.

“I’ll visit her again tomorrow. Isasama kita.”

“Saan ka po nagpunta.. pagtapos kay mommy?” My eyebrow automatically raised but I focused my attention on helping myself get lunch.

“I met with your tito Ronin.” Tuwid niyang sagot.

Really? Why not here? Napunta sila dito ah?

“And?”

“And that’s it. Is there anything you need, princess?” I noticed him getting weirded out with my question. Guilty?

I never really paid attention kung aalis man siya or lalabas. Minsan nga eh ako pa ang may gusto na lumalabas siya kung pansin kong subsob siya sa work. But with what I heard yesterday, I became curious kung saan ba nga siya palagiang nagpupunta.

“Nothing. Just curious.” I forced a smile in his face at nagpatuloy sa pagkain.

Saglit siyang natahimik at nakita kong kumuha din ng pagkain pagkalapag ni manang ng kanyang pinggan.

“So. How’s your acquaintance party.. last night?”

I swallowed hard. That encounter still haunts me. “F-Fine. I wanted to stay up late but you were looking for me. Why?”

If I didn’t see those vendors outside the campus, I really might have stayed late dahil lalabas kami ni Anton.

Or was it a blessing in disguise then? A sign? For me not to ignore.

Kita ko ang pagsinghap niya bago uminom ng tubig.

“Just..” he sighed. “I’m waiting for you to get home after your school event. So we can have dinner together.” Mahahabag sana ako sa tono ni dad. We can only see each other every weekend dahil nasa penthouse ako tumutuloy but now something is holding me back.

I decided to go back to the penthouse that night. Dad encouraged me to stay at home since its the weekend but I refused. I need to think. I need to sort this out.

I must ignore it. I don’t think my dad committed infidelity. I strongly disagree.

Those scumbags are just twisting my head. They don’t know me. They’re probably on drugs. Kaya ganun ang sinasabi.

I’m trying to erase that on my mind. Pero ang hirap. Bugnot akong bumangon alas nwebe ng gabi. I need to drink this off.

“Ria?” Si manang ng marinig ang kaluskos ko sa kusina. Sumama sila ni Matt dito ng nagpasya akong dito magstay ng weekend dahil utos din ni dad. Nakabalabal pa itong nagbukas ng ilaw at lumapit siya sa may island countertop.

“Nagugutom kaba? Magiinit ako ng-”

“We don’t have liquor stored in here?” I asked while checking the drawers.

“Alak kamo? Naku wala dito non hija. Pinaalis ng daddy mo bago ka lumipat. Bakit mo hinaha-”

I grunted and closed the fridge. Natigalgalan si manang ng humarap ako sakanya. “I’ll step out in a bit. May bibilin lang ako sa convenience store diyan sa baba.”

“Ha? Naku malalim na ang gabi Ria. Ako nalang-”

“I can do it okay? Just go back to sleep. I won’t be long.” Inis kong saway sa matanda.

“Ano bang bibilin mo? Naku magagalit ang daddy mo hija-”

I turned to her snappily. “Go on then. Tell him and you’ll see.” I left her dumbfounded at bumalik sa kwarto para kumuha ng jacket.

Paglabas ko ay kita kong nandun nadin si Matt. Nakaputing tshirt at pajamas na nakahalukipkip habang kausap si manang. Sabay silang lumingon sakin.

“Ako na ho ang bahala manang. Ako narin ang magsasabi.” Si Matt. I rolled my eyes. Yeah right.

Kahit ayaw ko ay sumunod sakin si Matt pababa. There’s a convenience store malapit sa condo tower ng mga Del Mundo. Pumasok ako para bumili ng inumin.

I don’t want to get drunk. I just think it will help me think better. I laughed at that idea. I thought alcohol cloud our minds?

Nasa labas si Matt na naninigarilyo habang naghihintay sakin. I bought a bottle of Carlo Rossi. The cashier even offered me a pack of Marlboro. Tempting.. but I don’t smoke.

Lumabas ako ng convenience store at agad napansin ang matandang tindero ng balut. I almost stopped to check his face. But negative. Hindi ito ang mama kahapon. The man buying his balut is smoking, nakaitim na jacket at nakatingin sakin. Nagiwas ito ng tingin ng magawi ang tingin ko sakanya.

Mabilis akong lumakad pabalik ng tower. Nakasunod sakin si Matt. Now I’m paranoid na lahat ng vendor na makita ko ay iisipin kong iyong mama iyon. Ugh.

The security of the tower greeted me. Malapit sakanya eh isang lalaking tila nagpapark ng motor na bumaling sakin ng mapansin ako.

Pagbalik sa unit ay agad kong natanaw si manang na tumayo sa pagkakaupo. I ignored her and get a goblet bago pumasok ng kwarto.

Napapangalahati ko na ang wine pero wala namang napapatunguhan ang mga possibleng senaryo na naiisip ko. Lalo tuloy akong naiinis.

“Are you asleep?” Anton texted me. Hindi ko siya nakausap ngayong araw.

“You haven’t replied to my messages. Is something wrong?” Binasa ko ang nauna niya pang message.

I sighed. Life sucks. Amiel is talking me out to make up with him. His brother is courting me. And now I’m accusing dad of cheating on my mommy.

“Sorry. Just thinking.” I finally replied. Mabilis na nagvibrate ang phone ko para sa tawag. Tinungga ko ang natirang alak sa baso at nagsalin ng panibago.

“Hello.” His baritone voice somehow soothed me. Its calming that my chest hurt.

“H-Hello.” I answered his call.

“Still up? Can’t sleep?” He asked. I bit my lip as I encircled my index finger on the lip of the water goblet.

“I’m just.. there’s a lot going on in my head.”

I heard silence on the other line. Chineck ko ang screen at ongoing padin ang call namin. Muli kong binalik sa tenga ang phone at sumimsim sa wine.

“If it feels too heavy, let it out.” He said. That triggered my emotions. Tears started running down my cheeks and my breathing speed up.

“What’s wrong, baby? Tell me please.” He whispered and I shut my eyes.

I sniffed. “Its… si dad.” I admitted.

“Mmhm. He scolded you yesterday? What happened?” He probed. Umiling ako kahit na hindi niya naman nakikita. My right hand covered my mouth.

“I think my dad is cheating.” It hurts for me to say this, my dad is my definition of love that is true and everlasting. But now, I don’t know.

“What makes you say that?” Si Anton na bakas ang lito sa boses.

I swallowed hard. I don’t want to talk about it with anyone because I might be mistaken. Hindi ko din naman dapat binibig deal ang sinabi ng mamang mukhang adik na iyon pero..

“Y-Yesterday.. there’s.. there’s a vendor who approached me outside the campus.”

He’s listening so I continued “He offered me cheap bracelets. I.. I refused.”

“Did he harassed you?” Agap niyang tanong.

Muli akong umiling at nagpunas ng pisngi. “He.. He insulted me. As if he knew me. He even said..” muli akong suminghot dahil sa nagbabadyang luha. I cleared my throat and drink from the goblet.

“What did he say, Reina?”

“He said.. I’m lucky.. at.. at ang kapatid ko daw… hindi.” There.

“What?” Yeah. Hard to believe right? He’s lying.

I heard him sigh. “I’m going to your condo tower.”

Naibaba ko ang isang paa sa sahig. “N-No. It’s okay. I’ll sleep in a few anyway.” Agad kong sabi pero mapilit siya. Binaba niya ang tawag at wala akong nagawa kundi ang isubsob ang mukha sa mga tuhod at muling umiyak.

Dad… where did this come from? If there’s smoke.. there’s definitely a fire, right?

Anton texted me na nasa baba na siya pagkatapos ng halos trenta minutos. Chineck ko ang sarili sa salamin. I’m flushed and my eyes are puffy. Nakakahiya.

Maingat kong binuksan ang pinto para hindi na sana magising ang mga asungot sa bahay. To my surprise, Matt is in the living room and immediately stood up when he saw me.

“Sasamahan kita ma’am.” So he knows.

I stopped crying but I’m still sobbing so I tried to breathe slowly. Nakarating kami sa floor parking ng tower at kita kong may mga tao pa. Iyong security ng parking at dalawang lalaki na diko kilala na napatingin sa bumukas na elevator. Ginala ko ang tingin at nakita ko si Anton na nakahilig sa unahan ng itim na Montero. Nakaputing tshirt, blue na shorts at tsinelas.

He motioned his arm open wide in the air, welcoming me for an embrace. Napalabi akong lumapit at sinubsob ang mukha sa kanayang dibdib.

He brushed my hair as he’s hushing me, as if stopping me from crying.

“Hindi kami magtatagal engineer. Baka magising ang kasambahay niya. Makakarating kay sir.” Paalala ni Matt. This guy really knows how to do this.

“You smell like some wine. Did you drink?” Panimula ni Anton. Nahihiya akong tumango. I felt him sighed.

“I brought you sundae.” Anton whispered on my ear. Pumasok kami sa sasakyan niya at iniwan si Matthew sa labas. Hindi ko alam kung san siya nagpunta at tila may kinausap dun sa mga lalaki.

Tipid akong kumakain ng ice cream habang si Anton ay nakahilig sa bintana at ang isang kamay ay nasa manibela, pinapanood ako.

“Feeling better?” He asked as he smiled softly.

I just pouted and scooped another spoonful of the ice cream. Humilig siya at kumuha ng fries at sinawsaw sa ice cream ko bago kainin. Halos mapasinghap ako sa biglaan niyang paglapit. I stared at his facial features in a dim lighting. His stubbles are showing up close.

Sinuklay niya ang mga takas kong buhok sa likod ng aking tenga. My heart is raising and I almost stopped breathing. “Why are you bothered?”

“Because. I told you. That vendor-”

“And you believed it? He’s bluffing. He even might be on drugs. Why are you trusting that man?”

Naisip ko na iyan. Pero ewan ko bakit hindi ko mapakawalan ang ideyang iyon. Maybe because I’m hurt. If I believe its true, it will break my heart.

I guess its my insecurity clouding my mind. I remember how the board once pressured dad on having a son to help him lead but he have me instead.

Paano kung ganon? He cheated, had a son with a different woman. What will that left me?

What will happen to me if that sibling of mine come to the picture?

“Hey.” Anton called me dahil muli akong kinakain ng mga kanina ko pang naiisip. Muling nanubig ang mata ko.

“What if its true? That man won’t say it just like that. There must be something.” Iyak ko sa balikat niya ng hilahin niya ako para sumandal sakanya.

Bahagya akong tumingala at kita ko at pagigting ng panga niya. Medyo dumiin din ang paghaplos niya sa balikat ko.

“Stop overthinking, please. Nagtitrip lang ang gagong iyon.” He hushed me.

Dinungaw niya ang mukha ko at marahang hinawi ang takas kong buhok. “You shouldn’t believe anything you hear from strangers. Especially that. Your father will never do such a thing.”

“How do you know?” Tanong ko sa mahinang boses habang sumisinghot.

He smiled and caressed my right cheek. “I’ve seen it, Reina. I’ve seen how he took care of your mother dearly. I remember how he’s conscious of your mother’s every move. How he only has his eyes for her. I’ve witnessed it before.”

Should I believe him? Yes. He has photographic memory. But.. but that was before. What if something changed through the years? Or at least when my mom died?

“Hindi iyan magagawa ng daddy mo.” He said na para bang nahulaan niya ang nasa isip ko.

I stared at him and I was mesmerized by his deep dark gaze. My eyes went down to his nose, to his pinkish lips thats now parted.

He exhaled and kissed my forehead. Napapikit ako. I never thought I’d be this intimate with a man. Not even Amiel. Well, we held hands and we kissed.. but with Anton.. it’s different.

“As much as I want to, I can’t be with you all the time. Please, if something like this happen again, please tell me. Tell your bodyguard. Hmm?”

“It’s for your safety. It’s your bodyguards job to know if your safety will be compromised.”

“But.. I don’t want this to r-reach daddy.” Ayoko siyang magalala. O siguro natatakot akong malaman kung ano ang isasagot niya sakin kung tanungin ko siya kung totoo bang may kapatid ako.

“Then just me. Tell me. Everything. Please?” He pleaded as his lips touched my temple. My breathing hitched and they way our skin touched sent shivers to my spine.

I inhaled before nodding. He smiled softly. Muling bumaba ang tingin ko sa kanyang labi.

Pictures then flashed on my mind. Me and Anton kissing. My eyes almost widened a fraction. I swallowed hard as I stare at his lips.

Must be the wine. I’m delirious. Me and Anton.. kissing?

Anton’s lips parted more as he is now breathing through his mouth. His eyes went down to my lips too.

“Reina.” He whispered breathily.

Halos kapusin ako ng hininga ng muling maglaro sa isip ko ang eksenang iyon. Anton and I kissing inside his car. This is not good. I’m drunk.

He leaned closer. Oh my God. Hindi ko alam kung pipikit ba ako o ano. He then heaved a deep sigh. “You should go back. It’s getting late.”

Eh?

“Magaalala ang mga kasama mo. Bumalik kana bago pa malaman ng daddy mong sumuway ka.” He said with effort to be firm before leaning back to his seat and shut his eyes.

Pinanood kami ni Anton na umakyat ng elevator ni Matt. Tipid itong ngumiti at kumaway sakin. I smiled back.

I trust him. I should not overthink about this silly matter. It’s not true.

That’s why I’m in a better mood ng tumawag si dad kinabukasan at ng Lunes. I put that encounter with that vendor behind me. I should not think about it.

My weekdays have been busy the whole week due to seatworks and group activity. May quiz din next week para sa ibang subject.

“That’s not healthy.” Bulong ni Amiel sa tabi ko dahil pinupuna niya ang pagkain ko.

What? I had salad naman earlier. “This is what I want to eat.” Bulong ko din pabalik.

We are okay now, I guess. We are greeting each other more casually. I’m no longer bitter about the past. I’m just trying to move on from it. He didn’t even try to win me back, anyway. He didn’t ask me for us to date again so I guess we are just friends.

“Guys, how do you feel about doing the group project at home? Kakasawa sa library eh.” Si Lance. We are having lunch and I’m in their circle because we were groupmates for our marketing ad project. Di kasi available sina Pierce kaya di sila ng pinsan niya ang kasabay ko maglunch. May girls din naman sa group namin so I’m comfortable. Of course, Trisha is included.

“Oh I agree. How about in our house? I can host.” Speaking of.

“Really? Great. Though, I’m thinking of doing it on Ria’s. What do you think?” Si Lance na ngiting ngiti sa suhestyon. Gusto kong mabuntong hininga.

“Tss.” I heard Amiel’s reaction.

“Uhm.. I’m not sure. I have to ask dad muna.” Tatlo lang kaming babae sa group at apat ang lalake. I’m not sure if dad will allow them to go to the penthouse.

“Let’s do it in our house.” Bored na suggestion ni Amiel habang sumisimsim sa blue lemonade.

Some agreed pero dahil yun sa planong paglalaro din ng video games at drinking daw after. I sighed.

“Okay din yon. Pero Ria diba sabe mo you’re living in a condo near the university? I want to see it. What if sainyo nalang? What do you think?”

Technically it’s not that near but compared to our home, or Amiel’s, mas malapit nga iyon. Pero ayaw nga ni dad ng may ibang pumupunta sa penthouse.

“I think majority of us agrees to do the project kayna Amiel, Lance. Mas okay siguro na doon nalang. I also want to meet tita again. I’m not sure if she’ll remember me.” Trisha giggled. i must thank her perseverance in impressing Amiel dahil hindi ko alam pano ko hihindian si Lance. Lalo na at parang tuwang tuwa pa ito at gusto talaga na samin nalang gawin.

I smiled sadly at him dahil nakita kong sumeryoso na ang mukha nito. “Y-Yeah. I think so. Sorry Lance. Siguro next time.”

I’m not sure if he’s furious but for a split-second, his bright smile covered what I feel like irritation on his face. Siguro naman ay di na siya mangungulit.

Next week ang pasahan ng presentation pero gusto nila matapos ng mas maaga kaya midweek palang eh pinagpaplanuhan na namin. I’m not sure why planning to do sleepovers will help us finish it or talagang iba ang agenda ng mga to pagpunta kayna Amiel. Kasi mukhang mas interesado pa sa basketball at inuman ang mga boys.

Tapos na ang klase at nagaaya si Pierce na magiced coffee. Buti nalang at nagtugma din ang uwian namin today. I texted dad na kasama ko sina Pierce after class to get some drinks at a nearby coffee shop and that I’ll be home by six. He immediately responded pero tinawagan niya padin ako.

Some of the varsity players in our class are out for practice. Pababa na ako sa ground ng hinabol ako ni Lance. Nagpaalam na ako kay dad at pinatay ang tawag.

“Hey, girl.” Kinalbit ako nito at sinabayan sa pagbaba ng hagdan.

“Uh hey.” I timidly smiled.

“Nagmamadali ka ata? You have plans?” He tilted his head and watch me walk beside him.

“Ahm.. I’ll just stop by the cafe near the school. With my senior high school friends.”

“Oh. Nice. Maaga pa nga din. Mind if I join you?”

He just really want to hang but I’m not stupid to think that he’s not hitting on me. I’m just somehow relieved that he’s not officially asking me out dahil hindi ko talaga alam pano siya ituturn down.

“Uhh.. sure.” I forced a smile dahil wala naman sigurong masama. He’s nice naman. And for sure Pierce will like him. He’s handsome alright. Just not my type. I don’t know. He has this golden retriever vibes and I think I prefer someone different. Someone mature, and a bit serious.

Nagaabang sa gate si Pierce kasama ang pinsan niya at kita ko agad ang malisyoso niyang ngisi ng matanaw akong naglalakad palabas. Pabalik balik ang tingin niya samin ng katabi ko at tumaas pa ang isang kilay.

“Hi. Classmate ka ni Ria right? Lange name mo right?” Usisa niya agad kay Lance ng makalapit kami.

I saw Lance awkwardly smiled at Pierce. Gusto kong mangisi. He’s not homophobic now is he?

“Uhh.. yeah I’m Lance. You are again?” I saw him drifted his eyes past Pierce.

“Naku Pierce nalang. Nagmeet na tayo nung acquaintance eh. Eto cousin ko si Penelope. Classmates kami ni Ria nung SHS. Nice to meet you ulit.” My gay bestfriend offered his hand. Lance politely accepted.

Lance chuckled and glanced at me. “I hope you guys don’t mind. I’ll just grab my own drink-”

“Ah naku hindi no! Sama kana samin. Chika chika lang ganon.”

Mabilis akong hinila ni Pierce papuntang parking. Sa diin ng kapit niya sa braso ko ay alam kong umiikot na ang pwet nito sa chismis. Iniwan namin si Lance at ang pinsan niya na paniguradong nakasunod samin.

“Bakla ka. Ano yan? Jowa mo?” Bulong nito na halos di bumubuka ang bibig.

Ngumisi ako at umiling sa maeskandalosa niyang titig. “Siya yung kasama mo nung nakaraan no? Ayaw mo pa aminin. Nagdate kayo no? Tanda ko iyan sinundan ka niya nung acquaintance!”

“Hindi nga. Shut your mouth at baka marinig ka!”

He just mocked me at ginagaya pa ang sinabi ko kaya nailing ako.

“Are we using a car? Or lakarin nalang natin? Medyo malapit lang naman.” Si Penelope ng makarating sa parking.

“Oo nga lakad nalang tayo te. Tama kana sa pasosyal mo diyan. Balikan nalang natin si papa Matt.” Si Pierce.

Nakatingin lang samin si Matt at naghihintay ng sagot ko. “Well we can. Daan lang kami ng cafe saglit. Just a couple of blocks away from here.”

“Magpaalam po muna tayo kay sir ma’am.” Ani Matt.

“Yup. He knows. We’ll just walk and you can bring the car there. I’ll send you the location. Here.” I handed him my keys. Agad niya naman itong kinuha.

“Mas magandang hatid ko nalang kayo kung dadalin ko din don ang sasakyan. Sama mo na ang mga kaklase mo.” Mungkahi ni Matt.

That makes sense. To kasing si Pierce eh. Kung gusto maglakad ni Penelope, go ahead.

“Ang sweet mo talaga papa Matt. Osige ikaw bahala.” Si Pierce sa pabebeng boses at kunwari pang naghawi ng buhok sa likod ng tenga.

I don’t like the idea of Penelope riding with my car but I’m not that rude. I offered all of them to ride with me.

“Oh. What about your car?” I turned to Lance and remembered he also drive nga pala.

He immediately smiled at me after looking behind me. “No worries. Babalikan ko nalang dito mamaya. Bawal ba ako sa car mo?” Nagpout pa ito at tila nagpapacute. I want to cringe my nose to mock him. He’s trying hard to be cute. Funny.

Dahil maharot si Pierce at walang pinipili, umikot siya at nagpresinta siya na umupo sa passenger seat at siya daw ang magtuturo kay Matt ng pupuntahan namin. We went to the back seat. Ako ang unang sumakay, sumunod si Lance at huli naman si Penelope na nasa likod ni Matt.

“I have a question.” Lance whispered.

“Hmm?” I slightly leaned on him.

“Does your.. bodyguard usually boss you around like that?”

My brows creased and stared at him. Tinignan ko si Matt sa rearview mirror at nakitang nakatingin siya samin sa likod. Binalik lang nito ang tingin sa daan dahil sa tinuturo ni Pierce.

“No. It’s just that my dad is hella strict. So I really need to ask permission everytime.”

Dinig ko ang pagsinghap niya at pinanood ng tila mariin niyang titig ang nasa harap. “Yeah. But for him to decide or question what you wanted to do, does he usually like that?”

My lips twisted as I watched his reaction. I don’t get his curiosity at times.

“He’s not like that. And if he is, I don’t mind. He’s reporting to dad about my whereabouts anyway.” I shrugged and stared at my window side.

“Matagal na ba syang bodyguard mo? Siya lang ang kasama mo o may iba pa?” Di padin natatapos na bulong ni Lance. I sighed. Is there a problem?

Muli kong tinapunan ng tingin ang rearview mirror at nahuli ko ang tingin ni Matt. Not sure if he can hear us. My lips pursed. Pinanood ko ang pagiwas ng tingin ni Matt mula doon.

“Yes. Siya lang. but we have other bodyguards naman. We have tight security. Dad’s orders.” I said lowly and a matter of factly. Nilingon ko si Lance na patango tango habang pinapanood ang nagmamaneho sa unahan. Nilingon ako nito at tipid lang na ngumiti sakin.

Kabanata 25

We grabbed our drinks and sat at a four-seater table inside the coffee shop. Kung saan patuloy ang talkshow ni Pierce kay Lance. Penelope is silent beside him.

“Wow. Sabe na familiar ang apilido mo. Anak ka pala ni konsehal Leonardo. May balak ka din ba mag city councilor?” Ani Pierce.

“Are you going home after that?” Anton texted.

“Mmm. Not really. I’m planning to manage our business instead. My vision is to expand it globally with big companies.” I heard Lance answered.

“Yes.” I typed in my reply before sipping on my caramel macchiato.

“Naks. Bongga. Anong business nyo pala?” Si Pierce.

“Can I come visit you tonight?” I feel my cheeks boiled in heat as I read Anton’s reply.

“We are exporting furnitures and woodwork supplies domestically.”

“Ay taray! Kagaya ni ano… ahm..” diko masundang tugon ni Pierce dahil nakailang bura ako ng isasagot kay Anton.

“Dad doesn’t allow visitors in the penthouse. I can come down I guess.” Nakanguso kong pagtitipa. It’s okay with me, but the problem is manang Lupe. I can imagine her reaction when she sees a man set foot in my unit.

“Hey.” I twitched to hide my phone when Lance almost leaned on me. I saw his forehead creased with my reaction.

“Hanap kana sainyo?” Tumaas ang kilay nito at saglit na tinignan ang hawak kong cellphone. Tinalikod ko ang cellphone sa mesa at hinawakan ang inumin.

Umiling ako. “Nagpaalam naman ako kanina.” I gave him a short smile.

“I see. It’s just that your eyes are glued to your phone.” He shrugged his shoulders before turning back to Pierce to reengage in the conversation.

My eyes squinted with what he said pero binalewala ko lang lalo na at sinama niya ako sa usapan.

“You know, with your company’s recent deal for a high-rise building project in Davao, what about I’ll send you a proposal for your father to review? You know, some trendy perspective that he might consider.” He wiggled his brows as he shifted his weight to me. I caught Pierce’s scandalous stare because of that.

How does he even know this? I’m not sure if this information is already in public yet. But oh well, yung nakuha nga nina Anton na client sa CDO eh nagpunta ng Manila for the launch.

Maybe I’m just not really interested in our business kaya wala akong ideya sa mga nangyayari. Dad is also not pressuring my involvement so he never shared anything with me unless it requires him to leave out of town or the country.

“Taray. Parang business partners? Ay gusto ko iyan!” Mapanguyam na hirit ni Pierce.

“Uhh..” I’m trying to get words out of my mouth.

Lance chuckled. “No pressure. I know you have different partners and established trusted suppliers that you recommend to your clients, even your cousin is doing great with closing deals for your sister company. Its just that maybe your father might want to look into something new.”

Wala akong nagawa kundi ang pilitin ang ngiti. I don’t even know how this works so I cannot give any comment yet. I guess it won’t hurt to ask dad. Though, I’m sure that matter in the business is already covered by tito Amer.

“I’ll see about that.” Tanging nasagot ko. Mas lumapad naman ang ngiti ni Lance.

Nang maubos ang inumin ay nagpaalam na kami sa isa’t isa. Lance had to go first dahil kakausapin daw siya ng papa niya at maglalakad pa siya pabalik ng SVU para sa sasakyan niya.

“Antaray. Bet na bet ka nung otoko ate girl. May paproposal. Hindi marriage, merging na ang gusto!” Natatawang bulong sakin ni Pierce habang pinapanood namin si Lance na lumakad pabalik sa dinaanan namin kanina.

“Tumigil ka nga. Malisyosa ka. Maybe he’s really interested to partner with big companies like ours.”

“Uhuh. Mukha ngang matayog ang pangarap niyan. Buti nga at mabait yan at hindi matapobre. Alam mo ba iyang tatay niyan eh balibalitang mabait lang kapag nangangampanya.” Ismid nito sa tabi ko.

I cringed my nose at that. I don’t really know his father personally. “Alam mo chismosa kang bakla ka. Do you even take time to fact-check?”

Muling bumalik ang malisyosa niyang ngiti sabay sundot sa tagiliran ko. Ang pinsan niya ay dumistansya samin dahil kausap ang driver nila. “Uy pinagtatanggol. Ikaw ha! Payag nako diyan wag na kay Amiel. Ang gwapo! At mukhang malaki! Baka iyan na ang vivirgin sayo te!”

The horror in my face made him laugh even more. “Huwag kang umarte! Mukha siyang malinis at ambango bango! Mayaman pa. Di kana lugi! Go with the flow kalang at malay mo dun nga papunta! OMG I’m rooting for you and your werut ante ko!”

“Bitch! Hinaan mo ang boses mo! Kadiri ka. No way that’s gonna happen.” Inis kong sita at saglit na luminga. Matt is just around. My God, Pierce!

Nagpaalam na ako na mauuna na dahil naghihintay pa sila sa sundo ni Penelope. Pagkadating ng penthouse ay nagtext ako kay dad na nakauwi na. Nagpaalam din ako sa planong overnight ng grupo ko kayna Amiel para sa marketing ad project but of course, he only allowed me til my curfew hours.

That’s fine with me dahil wala naman talaga akong balak na magstay kayna Amiel. Mas gusto ko pa na dito nalang sa penthouse magisa.

“Gusto mo ba ng gatas para mas mahimbing ang tulog mo, hija?” Si manang Lupe ng patapos na akong kumain.

Actually…

“No need, manang. Thanks.”

Ngumiti ito ng maluwag at pinagpatuloy ang pagpupunas sa countertop. She is my problem when sneaking out. Okay lang kay Matt pero si manang, mabilis magising sa onting kaluskos.

Anton is going here tonight. Kakatapos lang ng meeting niya at kakain lang daw siya saglit bago dumaan sakin.

“Ako na nito at magpahinga kana. Tawagin mo nalang ako kapag may kailangan ka hija ha.” Ani manang ng tumayo na ako at umambang pupunta ng kwarto.

Agad akong naligo at naglaan ng oras para lang mamili ng susuotin. Gosh. I’m overdoing it. I’m just going to sleep. Bat kailangan partikular pa ang isusuot ko?

Magaalas diyes na at halos isang oras ng naghihintay si Anton sa kaba. He even asked to do a video call instead at huwag nalang pilitin kung hindi talaga ako makakalabas pero… sayang naman ang effort ko. Nagliptint pa ako kanina. Besides, I kinda feel bad because he insisted on waiting nalang til I can get down from my unit.

“I’ll try now. S-Silipin ko lang kung tulog na sila..”

“Won’t you get caught? I don’t want your dad to get mad at you for doing this, Reina.” Anton said on the other line. My lips twisted as I stared at my reflection in the mirror one last time.

NakaHello Kitty terno pajamas na ako. I’m thinking of wearing a jacket pero sa huli ay nagbago ang isip ko. Saglit lang din naman ako.. siguro.

Lumabas ako ng kwarto at nakitang patay na ang ilaw sa sala. Though the lights are now dimmed in the kitchen, I think Matt and manang are in their respective rooms.

I’m tiptoeing my way to the front door. Takot na makagawa ng kahit anong ingay na ikakagising ng dalawa. My next obstacle is unlocking the door without making any sound. Obviously, it won’t. Tumutunog talaga ito kapag binubuksan. Nagpalagay din ng additional locks si dad so its really a struggle. Damn!

Pagkatapos alisin ang double lock, halos mapapikit ako ng mariin ng madinig ang sensor pagkapihit ko ng doorknob. My eyes immediately turned to the maid’s quarters kung may magrereact ba but before it could happen ay dali dali na akong lumabas. I cursed when I heard another sound from the sensor when closing the door.

Holding the keycard in my hand, mabilis kong tinahak ang elevator. Pabalik balik ang tingin ko sa pinto ng unit ko. The top floor is huge and it has two rooms, pretty similar according to dad but mine has access easy to the swimming pool and the rooftop. Nasa baba nito ang isa pa na kaparehong laki ng penthouse.

I suddenly felt the chills when the cold breeze welcomed me when I reached the floor parking of the tower. Madilim na sa ibang parte at nakakatakot pero may security naman sila na nakapost sa floor na ito sa may bandang unahan. May dalawang lalaki pa na naninigarilyo sa may di kalayuang parte ng elevator na sabay lumingon paglabas ko. Both are wearing black leather jackets. Uncomfortable with their stares, agad kong hinanap ang itim na Montero.

My eyes squinted with the flashing headlights. Nilingon ko ito at nakita ang nakaparadang sasakyan ni Anton. I took a deep breath as my chest starts to beat abnormally, tinahak ko ang passenger seat ni Anton.

The door is unlocked kaya mabilis ko itong nabuksan. Kagat ko ang labi ng masilip si Anton na nakatingin sakin habang ang isang kamay ay nagpapahinga sa manibela.

I cleared my throat and made myself comfortable seating on the passenger seat. Agad rumehistro sa pangamoy ko ang pamilyar na pabango niya sa loob ng sasakyan. Saglit kong nilingon si Anton na di napuputol ang tingin sakin.

“Hello, baby.” He greeted languidly. I feel my cheeks heated.

“H-Hi.” Sagot ko at pinaglaruan ang keycard sa gitna ng hita.

He shifted his weight to get something at the backseat. I sniffed and took that split-second to appreciate his white dress shit that hugs his upper body perfectly. Bukas ang iilang butones  noon at kita ang kanyang dibdib na nalalatagan ng balahibo.

Image of us kissing inside his car flashed on my mind again. I’m biting my lower lip harshly because of my dirty thoughts. This is so embarrassing.

It seems real. It felt real. Did that.. really happen? Or.. its a product of my curiosity and unresting hormones?

Umayos ako ng upo ng makuha niya ang paper bag sa backseat. Bumaba ang tingin ko doon at nakita ang logo ng isang sikat na convenience store.

“You said you already had your dinner so I got you an ice cream instead.” Showing the pint-sized ice cream from a famous brand, that says cookies and cream flavor on the lid.

“T-Thanks.” Mas dumiin ang kagat ko sa labi ng magdikit ang mga daliri namin ng iabot niya ito sakin. Mas humilig siya palapit kaya para akong nanliit sa kinauupuan.

He opened the lid and used the wooden spoon to scooped me a spoonful, buti at hindi nabali ang kutsara dahil may katigasan pa ang ice cream.

“I’m sorry for making you sneak out like this. I just want to see you.” He said breathily that triggered my raging hormones. I feel hot.

“Hindi kaba pinagalitan?” Sunod niyang tanong.

Tipid akong umiling at sinubo ang wooden spoon. “They’re already asleep. I won’t stay long though.”

He smiled softly before nodding. So we’re just meeting in secret and it feels like normal to me. Ni hindi ako natatakot na baka pagalitan ni dad. Tinuon ko ang tingin sa ice cream at sinubukang sumandok doon pero matigas kaya kinuha niya sa kamay ko ang kutsara at siya ang maingat na sumandok ng ice cream.

“What did you do in school today?” I saw him tilted his head while watching my face.

I cleared my throat. “Seatworks. And we have a project in Marketing due next week.” Saglit ko siyang nilingon bago sinubo ang kutsara.

“W-We.. are doing it in your house. Groupmates kami ni.. Amiel.” Maingat kong sabi. My lips curled when I saw him cocked his brow up.

“Uhuh.”

“Ahm.. they’re planning to.. spend the night.. sainyo. Dad doesn’t allow me though… so I have to go home before my curfew.”

“Alright. I’ll take you home after your project.”

Licking the spoon, I chuckled nervously. No way you’ll pick me up at your house. My classmates will see you. And Amiel!

“I-It’s okay. K-Kasama ko naman si Matt and… I know you’re busy din so..” I shrugged. He’s staying in his own condo kapag magkavideocall kami. He said he rarely go home now because of work. It will be weird.

Hindi na siya sumagot kaya saglit ko siyang nilingon. Kasabay non ang naramdaman kong mainit niyang daliri na hinawi ang takas kong buhok pabalik sa likod ng tenga ko. I almost twitched! Parang wala lang ito sakanya at muli niya akong kinuha ng ice cream gamit ang kutsara.

“When are you doing that project? What time?” He asked languidly.

Saglit akong napalunok. “Tomorrow afternoon. L-Last subject namin ang Marketing at h-hindi na kami pinapasok to focus on the ad project. K-Kaya mas maaga.”

“Hmmm.” He nodded while his eyes scanned my face. Nakoconscious tuloy ako. I checked myself in the mirror earlier pero pakiramdam ko may dumi ako sa mukha.

Muli kong sinubo ang kutsara ng ice cream. I can see him in my peripheral still staring at me.

“So.. ahm.. h-how’s work?” I asked, almost a whisper. Trying to check on his day too. Para hindi naman ako lang ang tinatanong niya ng tinatanong.

His brow shot up and smiled playfully, a bit surprised with my question. “Busy but fine. I missed you.” Gusto kong sumimangot. Ano namang connect?

“I can’t focus on my presentation during your dad’s meeting. You’re all that’s in my mind the entire time.” My lips twisted as I felt my heart beats faster. Yumuko ako at sumandok ng sariling ice cream. Nagtagumpay ako pero mas kaonti nga lang ang nakuha ko.

Mas bumibigat ang paghinga ko at ramdam ko ang pamumula ng mukha sa init. Ni hindi ko na maisip kung isusubo ko ba ang kutsara o sasandok ng mas marami. If you only stop flirting, Anton.

“Reina-”

“I think.. I s-should head b-back..” pilit tinutuwid ang boses. I heard him chuckled that made me more flushed. Hah! What’s funny?

“Alright. Ihahatid kita.”

Pinasuot niya sakin ang hoodie niya dahil manipis daw ang suot ko. Halos magwala ang sistema ko ng pasadahan niya ng tingin ang suot ko at ngumisi.

Hawak niya ang paper bag kung saan binalik ko ang halos di pa napangangalahating ice cream at dumiretso kami sa elevator. Andun padin yung dalawang lalaki na pinapanood kami.

Tss. So nosy. Akala ko ba mga private ang mga residents dito?

“Hey. What’s wrong?” Anton nodged me. Saglit akong napalingon sakanya pero bumalik din ang tingin dun sa mga lalaki na nagiwas na ng tingin ngayon.

The elevator dings at gusto ko ng pumasok pero nanatili ang tingin ni Anton sa mga lalaki. Oh no.

“Hey. Let’s go?” Hilaw kong ngiti.

He sighed before holding my left hand. He intertwined our fingers and I swear my face is turning crimson red when I looked at my reflection in the stainless door.

“Are they making you uncomfortable” Bahagyang nakayuko ang mukha niya para dungawin ako pero nakatuon na ang tingin ko sa mga daliri sa paa.

Mahina akong umiling. Not really. “They’re just curious I guess.” He’s referring to those guys in the parking lot. Marami ding mga residents dito from well-off families.“ They probably recognize me or they’re just nosy.

“Don’t mind them. They won’t do you any harm.” He said as if assuring me. I looked up to him and met his intense gaze. I saw how his jaw moved.

We reached the top floor and we stopped and the front door of my unit. Katapat ng isa pang penthouse similar to the size of mine.

Inabot niya sakin ang paper bag at maingat ko iyong hinawakan.

“T-Thanks.. uhh..”

Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin at wala na din akong natuloy because he closed our distance and planted a soft kiss on my forehead. “Good night, baby. I’ll text you when I get home.” He whispered languidly. Halos magwala ang mga paruparo ko sa tyan.

“G-Goodnight.. i-ingat ka sa pag d-drive…”

Nakapamulsa siyang naghintay sakin na makapasok ng unit. Para akong akyat bahay na hindi gumagawa ng ingay at patagong pumapasok. I uttered a curse when I heard that annoying sound of the sensor clicks again.

The penthouse still looks the same from when I left it, only that Matt is now sitting in the island countertop with a mug of coffee in front of him. Shit!

“Bababa na dapat ako ma’am. Kung di lang ako tinext ni engineer na ihahatid ka.” Tipid niyang sabi ng tumama ang tingin sakin. Of course he knows. Either Anton told him or sinundan niya ako at hindi ko siya nakita. Hindi siya mukhang kakagising lang at halos wala pang bawas ang kape niya. He’s awake. I swallowed hard at patay malisyang nilagay ang pint-sized ice cream sa freezer at mabilis na dumiretso sa kwarto. Halos habulin ko ang paghinga ng sumandal ako sa likod ng pinto.

Hirap tuloy akong gumising kinabukasan dahil hindi ako pinatulog ng pagiisip ko kay Anton habang naghihintay ng text niya. This unfamiliar sensation awaken inside me. I feel hot and convulsing. I’m playing with my lips while staring at the ceiling, trying to get the feeling of my imagination. Me.. kissing Anton.

This is crazy. Kamuntikan akong malate dahil sa makamundong pagiisip. Dagdag pa ang mga salita ni Pierce na nageecho din sa pandinig ko.

“I asked mom and she’s fine as long as I have my limitations. I told her about your plan of drinking after finishing the project.” Trisha shared when our circle is having lunch in the cafeteria.

“Oh sayang naman. Its okay. Bonding nalang tayo.” Sagot ng isang lalaking kaklase.

My eyes accidentally went up to Amiel who is in front of me, staring. Naiwas ko ang tingin dahil sa bulong ni Lance sa tabi ko.

“Magsleepover ka din ba?”

I tilted my head and forced a smile. Seems fun but “Nope. Di pumayag si dad. I can stay til ten though.”

“Hindi nadin ako kung ganon.”

“Di din pumayag ang dad mo?” Kuryoso kong tanong.

Lance chuckled. “Silly. It’s fine with him but I won’t go sleep over there too.”

I nodded with lips a bit parted “Ah. But you’ll miss the fun? The boys are looking forward to it.” I know he drinks. The first time I met him was in a bar.

“Nah. I’d rather do something productive. Or if you want, we can grab some coffee after the project? Sayang. I want to see where you are staying pa naman.”

I heard someone cleared his throat loud enough to interrupt us. Tumayo si Amiel at tinapik ang katabi na agad ding tumayo.

“Let’s go. We’ll be late.” Matigas nitong sabi.

Tumuloy na kami sa subject namin ng alauna at ng matapos, eh sabay sabay kaming naglakad palabas ng main gate.

“Bro. Sunod lang kami sayo.” One of my guy classmates made a bro-fist with Amiel. Trisha is with her driver, nasa katabing sasakyan ni Amiel. I texted Matt to bring my car here sa harap ng SVU dahil tinamad nakong maglakad pabalik.

“Need a ride?” I heard Amiel’s low voice. Saglit ko siyang nilingon at nakitang nakataas ang kilay niya sakin.

“Uhh no. Matt’s here-”

“Oh. Wala ang car mo? You want to ride with me instead?” Nakangiting alok ni Lance na sumulpot lang sa likod namin ni Amiel.

“Tss.” Amiel’s face turned sour at mabilis na pinatunog ang alarm ng sasakyan niya at pumasok. Mukhang ako lang ang nakarinig. Mabilis akong tumanggi kay Lance.

“I’m good, Lance. Papunta na ang bodyguard ko dito. Sa rotunda kasi ako nagpark kanina.”

“I see. I brought our van pa naman. Di pumayag si dad dalhin ang sasakyan ko.” He chuckled and pointed at the white van waiting across the street.

“Sucks to be an only girl, eh? Kailangan mo paba ng bodyguard kayna Rodriguez? They are a close friend of your family, right?”

I just smiled and waited for Matt to arrive. Naghintay sa tabi ko si Lance kahit na nakabukas na ang backseat ng van nila sa tapat namin na naghihintay sakanya. Ilang minuto lang ay dumating na din si Matt. He’s driving today. Agad akong nagpaalam at pumasok sa backseat pagkabukas ni Matt ng pinto.

Saka lang nagmaneho si Amiel ng makarating ang sasakyan ko. He shouldn’t have to wait though because I know the direction. Pero nagsimula siyang pumihit ng makumpleto kami para sumunod sakanya.

“Good afternoon! Welcome. Halikayo. Please make yourselves comfortable.” Tita Elisse in her floral dress and her bright smile welcomed us to the main door.

Amiel went to kiss her cheeks. Isa isang nagpakilala ang mga lalaking kaklase namin. Tita Elisse acknowledged them all and asked to come inside.

“Ria! Buti bumisita ka. Nagluto ako ng miryenda. Halika hija.” She went up to me and pressed her cheeks against mine.

“Hello tita! Nice to see you again. Hope you remember me.” Trisha’s high-pitched voice registered in my ear.

“Oh hello hija. You’re groupmates with my son? Forgive me, tumatanda na. What’s your name?” Magiliw na tanong ni tita Elisse ng sumabay samin si Trisha sa pagpasok. Sabay sabay kaming dumiretso sa dining area because tita Elisse insisted for us to have a snack first before starting the project. Matt is outside waiting.

She giggled. “Trisha po tita. My mom is architect Serena Therese Encarnacion.”

I saw in my peripheral how tita Elisse craned her neck to her right side, “Really? I didn’t know Serena has a daughter that’s still studying. Akala ko nagwowork na ang dalaga niya.”

Kumunot ang noo ko ng marinig ang hilaw na tawa ni Trisha. I had to walk faster para marating ang dining area nila, na kinalaki ng mata ko kung sino ang nakita kong nakaupo sa kanilang island countertop.

“Ah. That’s my sister po. Si ate Sabrina. She’s an interior designer.”

Anton’s eyes automatically bored to mine. In his black compression shirt and gray sweatpants, both his elbows are resting on the countertop and his hands are intertwined to his lips. Tumikhim ito at tumuwid ng pagkakaupo bago bumaba ang tingin sa kanyang macbook.

“Yeah, yeah I remember. I think she’s here when we had a family celebration last year. I’m sorry. Dalawa nga pala ang anak niya. Nice to meet you, hija.”

He didn’t even look surprised. I remember na sinabi ko nga palang pupunta ako dito for our project last night. But I thought he’s not home. I’m not expecting to see him here!

Agad naghuramentado ang puso ko sa kaba na saglit lang na napawi ng tawagin ako ni tita Elisse.

Lahat kami pinaupo sa dining table habang si Amiel ay umakyat saglit para daw magbihis. Sa hapag ay may pasta at ibat ibang sweets na pinahain si tita Elisse. “I really prepared because I heard you’re coming.” Ngiti nito sakin. “Boys. You should eat. Huwag mahihiya. Kayo din hija.” Mahinang tawa ni tita Elisse ang mga kaklase.

“Tita your cookies are delightful. How did you make it?” Trisha commented which made tita Elisse laughed.

“Thank you, hija. I’m glad you liked it. Here. Try this too.”

Hindi ko magawang ituon ang atensyon sa pagkain lalo at nararamdaman ko ang mga matang nakatingin sakin. In return, I’m consciously looking at Anton’s way. Na siya namang mabilis umiwas ng tingin kada lilingon ako.

May head is haywired and my chest is pumping abnormally. Kung di lang dahil sa pagiging maasikaso ni tita Elisse ay hindi ako tuluyang makakakain. It also helped me somehow divert my attention to Lance who is really talkative.

“You liked sweets pala. I know a good pastry shop downtown. I want you to try their pastries.” Si Lance ng makitang puro muffin at cookies ang nasa plato ko.

Amiel entered the dining area in his white shirt and jersey shorts. Medyo gulat pa itong lumapit at nagbro fist sa kapatid.

“It’s a miracle your home, kuya.” Panunuya nito sa walang reaction niyang kapatid.

Lumapit siya sa mesa at kumuha lang ito ng cookies habang nakatayong kumain sa may tabi ng mga kaklaseng lalaki.

“Pinaready ko ang guestrooms anak. All of you are sleeping here right?” Ani tita Elisse.

The boys cheered in excitement for their session tonight. Trisha asked if she’s allowed to spend the night here. Majority kasi ay mga lalaki. Ang dalawang kagrupo naming babae ay nagsabing uuwi din mamaya.

“Of course. All of you are welcome to stay. Iyon ay kung nagpaalam kayo sa mga parents nyo ha.”

We started with the project na din pagkaraan ng ilang saglit. Pinili naming sa may dining area na magtrabaho habang kumakain. We need to make a brochure layout and a two-minute video clip of what we will advertise.

Amiel brought down his laptop to share with the boys, habang kaming girls ay sa laptop ng isang kagrupong babae. Lance brought his own laptop too.

“Anton anak. Why don’t you work upstairs para hindi ka maabala.” Dinig kong sabi ni tita Elisse. Lihim akong tumingin sa gawi nila ngunit naabutan ko ng mga mata ni Anton na nakatingin sakin. Agad akong nagiwas ng tingin.

We are just getting sample ads online for us to have an idea and to brainstorm on how we are going to make ours. Kaya medyo maingay dahil ang boys ang nagsscrub ng mga videos sa youtube. And he’s here working malapit samin.

“Pwede na ako dito mama.” I heard him responded.

“Masyado ng common yan. Mas halatang ginaya kasi may ganyan nading lumabas sa TV. Pili tayo ng iba.” Mungkahi ng kaklase ko.

We spent an hour bago makapagisip ng ihahighlight sa ad. It’s tough but we are maximizing the time. Mas priority nila ang maglaro at maginom. Si Lance naman, panay ang kwento dahil magkatabi kami.

I’m basically trying to be productive and attentive to what we are doing kahit obvious naman na pinapanood kami ni Anton mayat maya. I checked my phone if there are messages but there were none. Makes sense dahil nandito kami sa iisang lugar.

Why am I even expecting him to text me? Gosh!

“Sweet naman ng love birds.” A guy classmate starts to notice Lance putting food on my plate when tita Elisse brought another food on the table. Nangiti tuloy ang katabi kong babae at ilang kaklase.

Agad kumunot ang noo ko at nahiya. It’s not like I’m asking him to do it though, wala nga ang atensyon ko sa plato.

A short barked of laughter resonated that made me nervous because of someone. I took a glance at Anton na magkasalubong ang kilay at ikom ang bibig. Agad tumaas ang isang kilay niya ng magtama ang tingin namin.

I sighed before tearing off my eyes at him. For a moment I prayed Lance to stop paying attention to me pero mukhang inenjoy niya ang pangangantyaw.

“Let’s just eat while doing our task.” Patay malisya nito na may mapaglarong ngisi.

I felt my phone vibrated on top of my legs and I felt the hairs in my body rise. Napasinghap ako  na kagat ang labi bago silipin ang cellphone.

“Yeah. How thoughtful.” Anton texted.

“Shut it bro. Bilisan niyo na para matapos na.” Dinig kong saway ni Amiel sa harap.

Bothered with Anton’s text, I never got the courage to look at his way again. Hindi din naman ako makareply dahil nga pinapagedit ako ng kagrupo.

“Hey. Have you talked to your dad about what I told you?” Mahinang bulong ni Lance na humilig pa ng kaonti palapit.

I was caught off guard. “Uhh…”

“You know. I can send you our portfolio. Have a look. There’s something there that your dad might like for your ongoing projects. What do you think?” He said, as if persuading his client.

I felt my phone vibrated again but my mind is all about how to respond to Lance “I.. I haven’t yet.. s-sorry.” I tried to be honest but I don’t want him to feel like I’m turning him down. I talk to dad everyday. Its just that I cannot mention this when he was asking about me and how my day went. Siguro paguwi ko nalang ng bahay this weekend.

Biglang kumunot ang noo nito pero agad din naman siyang ngumiti. Akala ko magagalit siya. “I understand that you might be hesitant that’s why I came prepared. Don’t worry, I’ll send our portfolio to your email so when you talk to your dad, may ipapakita ka.” Patango tango pa nitong sabi kaya pilit nalang akong ngumiti tanda ng pagoo.

“Here. Give me your email.” He asked and switched to his mail tab.

Maggagabi na ng matapos kami sa brochure. The boys are now editing the two-minute clip from the pictures that us girls got online. Nakauwi na din si tito Amer so we plan so move place to work. Nahiya na ang mga kaklase ko sa hapagkainan dahil oras na din ng hapunan.

“Can’t you continue that later? How about we all have dinner, son? Pakainin mo muna ang mga kaklase mo.” Si tito Amer na pinutol kami sa pagliligpit. Hindi pa nakakapagbihis at nakasuit and tie pa.

“That’s what I’ve been saying, love. Nagmamadali silang tapusin dahil magshashot daw. Naku.” Ismid ni tita Elisse na buong oras namin sa hapag eh ineengganyo kaming kumain.

In the end, we joined their family to dinner. Nagsisikuhan pa ang mga lalaking kaklase para matigil ang kantyawan dahil nakakahiya daw.

“Amiel, introduce your classmates.” Si tito Amer. My classmates did the courtesy of introducing themselves and a bit of who they are. Nahighlight pa tuloy sa hapag ang sinabi noon ni Trisha sakin. She told me her sister is working with Anton.

“My ate is brilliant po. I think they work along very well ni kuya.” She said in her best demeanor. Diko mapigilan ang pagkunot ng noo ng dumako ang tingin kay Anton.

“Nagpunta na dito iyon noon, love. Beauty queen at naku! Napakagandang bata. How are you two Anton?” Si tita Elisse. I took a deep breath at tinuon ang atensyon sa pagkain.

“I didn’t know that. You work with her sister, son? Is this your project in Barcelona?”

I gave Anton dagger eyes unknowingly because of what’s going on in my head. I wonder what’s the score between them. His brow shot up when his gaze met mine.

“Siya ang gusto ni Mr. Martinez papa. She was there when he met us for his plans.” Si Anton na hindi pinuputol ang tingin sakin. His brow shut up and I shrugged.

“Maganda ba? Bat di mo ligawan anak?” Bulong ni tito Amer sa anak ngunit abot hanggang pandinig ko. Agad may kung anong hindi mapakali sa loob ko.

Yumuko ako sa sariling plato pero parang lumaki ang butas ng tenga ko at naghihintay ng sasabihin niya. Pero wala akong narinig kundi ang kasunod na halakhak ni tito Amer.

He then moved on to Lance, at first I thought it would be awkward since he’s the son and heir of one of their competitors, lalo na ng nabring up ang business ng pamilya. But the older Rodriguezes are warm and hospitable to him.

“You rarely go home, son, and yet all you do here is still work. Pambihira.” Nakangising iling ni tito Amer na nasa kabisera. Sa kanan niya si tita Elisse na katabi ako at sa kaliwa ay ang kausap na si Anton at ang kanyang kapatid. Beside Amiel is Trisha and on my left is Lance. Sa kabilang dulo ng long dinner table ang iba naming kaklase.

“Sinabihan ko na iyan kanina. Baka magkasakit ka anak. I told you its not healthy to get more than one project at a time. Now that you’re helping with the company, you’ll be exhausted.” Segunda ni tita Elisse.

“Kaya ko naman iyon mama.” My lips twisted when I heard Anton. Kasunod non ang pagtawa ng kanyang ama.

Dahil hindi magsistay ang ibang kaklase, they said goodbye shortly after the dinner. I plan to stay a little bit dahil ten pa naman ang curfew ko, lalo pa at mapilit din si tita Elisse.

“So pano. I’ll go na. You sure ayaw mo sumabay? Hindi ka naman magovernight diba?” Si Lance sa mahinang boses ng hinatid sila ng magulang ni Amiel sa labas. His parents are talking to the girls and asking kung tagasan sila.

Umiling ako. “I think I’ll stay a bit longer. Nagpaalam naman ako.”

He sighed before nodding. “Kay. Remember what I said, Reina. Hope your dad consider.” He chuckled.

Tumayo sa tabi ko si tita Elisse kaya muling nagpaalam si Lance dito. Umuwi din ang dalawa naming babaeng kaklase na sumabay na kay Lance.

“You seem close with the councilor’s son.” Tita Elisse commented and pointed her lips to the then walking Lance.

Pumaling ako sakanya kaya hinawakan niya ang kamay ko. She sighed. “Bagay talaga kayo ng anak ko hija. I really wish to have a daughter like you. I hope you and Amiel will workout.” Ngiting ngiting sabe nito. Hilaw na ngisi naman ang ibinalik ko at napasulyap kay Amiel na papasok na ng bahay nila. Sa main door ay nadaanan niya si Anton na nakahalukipkip at nakahilig sa hamba ng pintuan, pinapanood ako.

“Dito kana matulog hija. Ipagpapaalam kita sa daddy mo. Tatawagan ko.” Pagpilit pa nito.

“I’m sorry, tita. Nagpaalam na din po ako but he said I have to go home. Next time po siguro.” Kung tutuusin ay maaari naman siguro iyon pero ewan ko bakit ako tumanggi. Siguro ay dahil sa usapan namin ni Anton na ihahatid niya ako. Yun ay kung ihahatid niya ako dahil parang wala naman siya sa mood. Kanina pa siya nakasimangot.

Dahil nagsiuwian nadin ang ibang kaklase ay wala ng may gana pa na ituloy ang project pagkatapos kumain. I want to go home dahil wala naman na ding gagawin pero dahil gusto ni tita na magstay pa ako, eh napilit akong magpahinga nalang daw muna sa patio kung saan maeenjoy mo ang preskong hangin. Nandun na ang boys na nagdala na ng beer. Nagpaalam nalang akong magccr muna.

I checked my face after peeing. I washed my hands and went out of the bathroom in the kitchen where Anton is there waiting.

Mabilis kong ginala ang mata sa paligid. Kahit ang magasawa ay nasa likod bahay at inaasikaso ang mga bisita. No house helpers are around.

He walked up to me so my breathing starts to be heavy. “You two seem close.” Panimula niya. Pinilig ko ang ulo at kumunot ang noo.

“Huh?”

“Your classmate. That boy earlier. He likes you.”

Lance? I know his advances on me but he never said he like me and such. Naisip ko na din iyan noon pero hindi na ako nagbibigay pa ng malisya kahit na sobra niyang feeling close minsan. Baka talagang ganon lang sya at sobrang malapit sa kaibigan. Isa pa, he wanted to partner with us to be recommended in supplying furnitures to the clients.

“I d-don’t think so.” My voice shook when he closed our distance.

“I know. Just by the looks of him. He likes you, Reina. Is that boy courting you?” May pika sa tono nito.

I chuckled nervously because of his menacing stare. “N-No. Of course not. W-We’re just friends.” And even if Lance will say he did, I think I have to turn him down. I’m not interested.

“Uhuh.” He muttered while drowning me into his deep gaze. Mawawala na ako sa wisyo ng muli lang siyang magsalita.

“What time are we going home?” Bumalik ang suyo sa boses nito. I cleared my throat and surveyed the kitchen once more to ensure no one is here but us.

“W-We? You’re home.” I pointed out. Hindi ba siya dito matutulog?

My eyes went down to his body, how his compression shirt fitd his body perfectly, and..

“Ang usapan natin ihahatid kita pauwi. Sa condo ko din ako matutulog dahil may tatapusing trabaho.”

My eyes went down to that bulge on his sweatpants. I swallowed hard before nodding. “O-Okay.”

I bite my lower lip when he reached for my left hand kaya doon napunta ang tingin ko. “Are you going to drink?” Mabilis akong umiling. I watched him played with my palm using his thumb.

“Then should we go out? I’ll just take you home before your curfew.”

Halos maghuramentado ang puso ko sa sinabi niya. My cheeks boiled and I felt the heat of us being this close. I can’t think straight. My hormones is taking over me.

Ni hindi na ako nakasagot ng hinila niya ako para magpaalam na kay tita Elisse na kakapasok lang. Saka lang nagsink in sakin na uuwi na pala kami.

“What? Pero bihira ka lang umuwi anak. Buti pa si Amiel kahit nagcondo ay umuuwi. But you, I thought you’ll stay.” May lungkot sa boses ni tita ng magpaalam si Anton. Ako naman ay nasa likod lang na hindi mapakali.

“May trabaho din po ako mama. Nasa condo ko ang ibang tatapusin ko.” I’m not sure if its true or he’s just reasoning out just for us to leave. Parang agad naman akong nakonsensya. His mom misses him and yet we’re sneaking out for a date.

“Then you should’ve bring them here so you can work dito sa bahay. Gabi nadin anak. Is that even urgent?” Tita Elisse asked. May tila bahid na ng inis at pagaalala.

Anton sighed, tila wala ng masagot sa ina kaya naging daan iyon para patuloy ang paglitanya nito.

“Para kanang ama mo. Wala ng ibang inisip kundi puro trabaho. You should rest sometimes, son. It might take a toll on your health if you overwork yourself. Believe me.”

Napakamot nalang sa batok si Anton. That made way for tita Elisse to glance at my way. Ngumiti ito ng malungkot at lumapit sakin. “Pasensya kana. Ito kasing kuya Anton mo. Why are you here, hija? Join the others at the back. May hinihintay lang akong tawag pero sasamahan kita.”

Saglit kaming nagkatinginan ni Anton. My lips twisted as I watch him pursed his. Muling sinuri ng mata ko ang kabuuan ni Anton.

Is that bulge his…

“Uhh.. tita.. I have to go nadin.. d-di din naman po kasi ako iinom. Ayaw ni daddy.”

“Aw. Edi stay nalang for dessert. Nagpadala ako sa likod hija. Can’t you stay a little bit? Maaga pa ah.” She said, disappointed.

Right now my mind has no plan on staying here any longer. This unknown excitement inside me is curious about where Anton and I will go. Muli akong tumingin sakanya at pinasadahan ang kanyang katawan. My eyes went up to him and saw his creased brows while staring at me.

“Ahm.. m-may assignments din po kasi ako sa ibang subject tita. G-Gusto ko na tapusin para libre ako ng weekend.” I don’t know why I lied. But I just really want to go.

The phone on the countertop ring and tita Elisse immediately went to pick it up. “Oh sige. Intayin mo ako at ihahatid kita. Hello.” Sabay sagot nito sa tawag.

I felt Anton’s breathing on my hair and I know he’s behind me. Lalo tuloy naginit ang pakiramdam ko. I’m catching my breath as if I run for miles.

“Ako nalang ang sasama mama.” Tawag ni Anton sa ina na ngayon ay tumatawa sa telepono. Itinaas nito ang kamay sa ere.

“Oo. Naku oo nga.”

“Ako na ang maghahatid mama. Pupunta pa din naman akong condo.” Singit ni Anton. My lips parted and my inner brows meet when I stared at him. This brute. Talagang ngayon siya magpapaalam kung kelan may kausap na ang ina sa telepono! His playful smile is on his lips.

Tita Elisse’s brows furrowed kahit na tango ng tango sa telepono. Dumako ang tingin niya samin.

“Alis na kami mama.” Si Anton na nagmamadali. What?

Tila wala tuloy sa wisyong kumaway sakin si tita Elisse. Wala akong nagawa kundi sumunod ng inaya ako ni Anton na lumabas. We walked to the living room kung san nandun ang mga bag namin. Hindi na din ako nakapagpaalam kay tito Amer at sa mga kaklase.

“You’re rude. Itinaon mo talagang may kausap siya sa phone just so you can get her out of your way.” Komento ko habang kinuha niya ang bag ko sa may sala.

He chuckled. “Of course not. She’ll be furious if I didn’t stay. Babalikan ko lang ang blueprints sa condo. I’ll sleep here tonight.” He started guiding me to the main door. May mga kasambahay pang bumati samin.

Ay? So how about? The date? “Ahm.. so.. are we still g-going out? Kung pupunta-”

“Yes.” Mabilis niyang putol. “Then I’ll take you home before I go back to my condo.” Saad nito at kinuha ang susi sa isang security nila. Dumiretso kami ng parking kung saan kausap ni Matt ang ibang tauhan. Umayos ito ng tayo ng makita kaming palapit. Agad bumati samin ang mga security at driver nila Anton na kinatango nito.

That’s nice but I think I have a different plan in mind. How is this better than his is something I don’t know, but when I stare at his broad shoulders, chiseled back that flexes when he walks, and that bubble butt shaped perfectly for a man, I lost interest in going out.

“S-Samahan nalang kita sa condo mo.”

Kabanata 26

Napasinghap ako ng mapatigil sa paghakbang si Anton. He turned to me, lips apart, and squinting eyes, as if he didn’t catch what I said.

With his reaction, embarrassment quickly filled me with what I just said. He took two steps forward and I’m trying my very best not to look down. He seems unaware of how hot he looks right now. Pinilit ko ang sarili na tumingin lang sa mga mata niya. Tumaas ang isang kilay niya.

“You want to go to my condo?” He asked to clarify.

“Uhh.. well.. you s-said you need to get s-something… and I only got a few h-hours left.. so…”

He exhaled and stood snappily. He tilted his head while twisting his lips. I looked to the side to avoid his gaze.

If ayaw mo.. okay lang naman.

He exhaled. “If you want to. We’ll just grab a take out and watch a movie, then?”

Halos magtambol ang puso ko at napalabi akong tumango para mapigilan ang saya sa pagpayag niya. Okay!

Saglit na lumapit sakin si Matt. Naghihintay ng sasabihin.

“Sa condo.. kami.. tayo ni Anton..” My voice almost fades when I realized their security is here with us.

Tipid na tumango si Matt at nilingon si Anton. “Engineer. Alas diyes lang si ma’am.”

Sumulyap sakin si Anton, bahagyang naninimbang ang mukha. I exhaled audibly. “I still have time. We’ll.. probably watch a movie. May kukunin din siya sa condo niya.” Tawag ko kay Matt. Inignora ko ang makahulugan niyang tingin at naglakad na palapit sa passenger seat ni Anton. Anton is quick to unlock his door kaya mabilis akong pumasok at humalukipkip doon.

Sa sasakyan ay humalimuyak ang pabango ni Anton. Napapikit ako habang sumisinghot. Mabilis din siyang pumasok at sinara ang pinto.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay in my condo?” I heard him asked. I opened my eyes and turned to him.

He cleared his throat. “Its just that there’s nothing special in my unit. You might get bored.”

I heard him talking to me but my eyes are busy wandering on his biceps that flexes as he grip on the steering wheel. Muling bumigat ang paghinga ko.

“Reina.” Dinungaw niya ako na nakataas ang isang kilay para tawagin ang atensyon ko.

I blinked multiple times. “Ahh.. oo.. okay lang. Just.. go get your stuff.. and we’ll watch..” pilit kong sagot ng di mapigilang muling bumaba ang tingin sa katawan niya.

“A movie? What movie would you like to see?” He probed.

“I don’t.. just.. drive, Anton. Doon nalang natin.. tignan.” I rest my back comfortably and focused my eyes in front. Gusto kong mailing dahil muling umiinit ang mukha ko sa pinaggagagawa.

He sighed heavily before turning the car engine on and started driving. We stopped at a famous fast food drive thru for a takeout. Dahil nagdinner na kami sa kanila ay mostfly finger foods nalang ang inorder niya.

We arrived shortly at his condo tower. Bitbit ni Anton ang bag ng takeout namin. Matt stepped out of my car at itong Anton eh inimbita pa siya na umakyat para kumain. Good that Matt refused and asked to stay downstairs. He pulled his pack of cigarettes on his back pocket and nodded at me.

“Intayin kita ma’am. Alas diyes ho.” Paalala niya sa makahulugang tingin. I took a deep breath and nodded back.

Ramdam ko ang paninitig ni Anton kaya mas lalong bumibilis ang paghinga ko. There must be something wrong with me. I feel like I got a fever or something.

We reached his floor and when we stopped in front of his unit, nagkatinginan kami. He let out a deep sigh before typing in his passcode, slowly.

I don’t know if he’s doing it on purpose or I’m just too attentive that I was able to get his passcode. My birthdate. His unit passcode is my birthdate.

I heard the clicking sound afterwards indicating that he unlocked his door. He pushed it wide open and hold onto it to let me in. Napasinghap ako at agad ginala ang tingin ng makapasok.

The room is spacious and cozy, looks very manly to me. The colors are white and brown, not much decoration. The wooden shelves are the ones giving accent to the entire room. He turned on the lights in the kitchen giving some shed on the living room area so its not really that dark.

I’m twisting my lips while I’m standing in his living room still roaming my eyes around, when I heard him behind me.

“We can watch a movie here.” He said lowly and my eyes went to his huge flat screen television in front of the three-piece sectional sofa.

Inviting.. but my mind tells me to watch in his room instead.

“Where’s… your room?” I don’t recall my voice sounding this feminine.

I heard him sigh heavily. “That door.” Tinanaw ko ang corner na tinuro niya kung saan may pinto na nakasarado.

Huminga ako ng malalim ng muling magalab ng kalooban. “Let’s go, then.” Diko namalayang pagaya.

I heard him heaving another deep sigh “Dito nalang sa sala, Reina.” His voice is so low that it vibrates in my ear.

I turned to him and saw this fire burning in his eyes that I can’t explain. He’s breathing heavily and I must say I might be matching his pace. Muli sanang maglilikot ang mata ko sa katawan niya pero marahan na niyang hinawakan ang braso ko.

“I’ll turn on the television now. Maupo ka muna.” He said with full restraint as he pointed out the long couch before us.

My mind wants to protest but I just bit my lower lip when I felt his warm touch as he guided me to sit. Kinuha niya ang remote at mabilis na in-on ang tv at nilagay sa Netflix.

I closed the gap in my legs as I am staring at Anton walking towards me to hand me the remote. Pinutol ko ang panonood sa paninitig niya at agad kinuha ang remote.

Nagpaalam siyang aayusin ang takeout namin sa kitchen countertop habang ako naman ay lutang na namimili ng panonoorin.

He came back shortly after with the fries and nuggets on a plate, at ang box ng 10“ pizza na inorder din namin. He placed the food on the rectangular center table and stood properly as he watched the television as I scroll on the movies.

I inhaled deeply as I stared at Anton’s physique as the light from the television highlighted his manly figure. I swallowed hard as I watch how his chest calmly rise from breathing. And before my eyes wander below ay mabilis na tumuon ang atensyon ko sa tv ng lumingon ang nakapamewang na Anton.

“Can’t decide yet? What do you want to watch?”

“I.. ahm..” I can’t put into words the heat I am feeling. The room is well-ventilated yet I feel hot and almost convulsing.

“Ito nalang.” Mabilis kong naplay ang movie na diko naman nabasa miski title dahil sa ramdam kong paninitig ni Anton.

I heard him exhaled audibly and stared back at the television as the movie starts.

“Sit down, Anton.” Malamyos kong pagaya. I blinked when I realized how womanly that sounded.

It’s just my hormones.. my curiosity.. and his..

My lips parted and shook as I tried to regain confidence when he carefully glanced at me. He sighed before turning into the single sofa and sit. My brows furrowed.

“Bakit diyan ka? Dito ka Anton.” Ang luwag ng sofa na to. Pwede nga kaming mahigang dalawa. Nagindian sit akong nakatingin sakanya.

Even on minimal lighting, I saw Anton’s eyes became heavy-lidded as he licked his lips. Para akong kinakapos sa hininga.

Bumuntong hininga ito at napakapit sa magkabilang tuhod bago tumayo at dahan dahang lumapit sa mas mahabang sofa.

Mas dumiin ang pagkagat ko sa labi ng maramdaman kong umupo siya ilang distansya mula sakin. I almost sighed. I don’t know if it’s me or him who is tensed and its giving us the awkward silence.

Huminga ako ng malalim ng kumuha ng nugget at halos bumagal ang pagnguya ko ng mapagtanto ang movie na napili ko.

The movie started with a bed scene. Fuck!

Muli kong nadinig ang pagbuntong hininga ni Anton. I looked at him through my peripheral and saw how he focused on the television, with legs spread apart and arms crossed on his chiseled chest. I can see his arms flexing.

The sound of the actors kissing in the movie made me shiver while my eyes are still locked at Anton. A memory flashed through my mind as I hear the actress let out some soft moans.

Halos manginig ang hita ko sa naririnig at sa naiimagine kong naghahalikan din kami ni Anton sa sasakyan niya.

“Are you sure you want to watch this, Reina..” si Anton sa namamaos na boses.

I didn’t respond so he craned his neck to see me. “Reina.” He called languidly.

Napakurap ako at napasinghap. “Ah.. oo. Yeah..” I nodded even without comprehending the question as I can’t take my eyes off him. I saw him exhaled and scratched his right eyebrow.

“A-Anlayo mo.. Anton..” I blurted out my agony with our distance.

He sighed again. “I’m.. fine here.”

I’m a virgin but I’m not innocent that’s why I understood how the awkwardness in the air quickly turned into sexual tension, dagdag pa ang naririnig ko sa bukas na tv.

I inhaled as my hand landed on his lap to ask him to sit closer, mas dumiin ang paghalukipkip niya ng pinagmasdan ang kamay ko.

“Anton.. lately I’ve been.. there’s..” pilit kong isinatinig ang senaryong bumabagabag sakin.

Marahan akong nilingon ni Anton na namumungay ang mata at mabigat ang paghinga. “There’s an image of us.. a memory.. I g-guess..”

The actress on the movie moaned louder and some banging sounds echoed made me swallowed hard. Anton’s brows furrowed.

I sighed. “I’m sorry.. it’s just my.. imagination I guess..”

Napasinghap ako ng unti unting sinarado ni Anton ang distansya sa pagitan namin. “What is it?”

Nanatiling nakapilig pababa ang ulo ko kaya ang mata ay nakatuon ngayon sa umbok sa gitna ng kanyang sweatpants.

“Us.. k-kissing.. ahm..”

Swiftly, he held my chin up to meet his warm gaze “Kissing where?” He whispered while I watched his lips moved.

“Us kissing.. on the l-lips..” hinahabol ko ang paghinga habang nakatitig sa labi ni Anton.

“Can I see you again?” I heard the man on the screen asked. The woman chuckled. Shit.

“Reina..” mahinang tawag ni Anton na nagpakiliti sa pandinig ko.

He sighed. “So you remember-” I felt him stiffened as I closed my eyes and kiss him on the lips. The sound the actors made while kissing in the movie triggered my urge to kiss Anton.

“Reina-” Tawag ni Anton pero muli akong humalik. I don’t know how to do it but it certainly feels good. Like how I imagine it felt in that memory. My hands travelled on his chest. I let out a suppressed moan when Anton deepened the kiss. Oh my God!

Tila sabay kaming naghahalikan ng pinapanood namin. Halos manginig ang buong katawan ko sa di kilalang sensasyon ng maramdaman ko ang mainit na palad ni Anton sa batok ko para mas palalimin ang halik.

We are catching our breaths when he stopped but I still want more. Aamba akong humalik ulit ng piniin ni Anton ang noo niya sakin. “That’s enough, baby.”

“M-More, please.” I attempted to kiss him again that I almost lost my balance. Naitukod ko ang kamay ko sa hita niya at nadinig ko ang mahina niyang daing.

Hawak ni Anton ang panga ko pero pilit kong binababa ang tingin sa matigas na hawak ko. In between his legs is my hand resting on a thick bulge. My eyes widened a fraction. Is this..

“We should stop kissing, Reina.” He called but my attention is now on that pulsating hard bulge.

“Reina, come on..” he called as if begging when I crouched a little so I can get a better vision. Mas hinimas iyon ng kamay ko at ramdam ko ang pagpintig. Mabilis lang naangat ni Anton ang kamay ko.

“Anton..” halos makiliti ako sa lamyos ng pagtawag ko.

His forehead rested again on mine. “Baby, please. Don’t make this hard for me. You’re not ready.. this is wrong..”

I heard him groaned when I escaped his grip and touched his hard crotch once again. Nakapaling iyon sa kanan niyang hita at kapag hinawakan mo ay mararamdaman mo ang tila pagpintig nito.

“Reina.” He grunted as he tried to catch my hand that’s gently massaging his now hard member. It’s even growing bigger!

Habol ang paghinga ay sinubukan kong hawakan ang garter ng kanyang sweatpants pero mabilis na naangat ni Anton ang dalawang kamay ko patungo sa dibdib niya. I was caught off guard when I felt his lips brushed against mine.

“Fine. Let’s kiss if you want more.” He said in between his kisses but I’m no longer interested. Nakakaliyo ang paghalik niya pero iba na ang tila gusto kong gawin.

I felt his grip softened and I took that quick second for my hand to travel back down to his bulge. I heard him groaned while kissing me.

“Reina. Stop it.” Parehas naming dinungaw ang kamay kong hawak niya para pigilang mahimas ang kanyang nagagalit na pagkalalaki.

“I wanna see.. please, Anton.” I begged like my life depends on it. I swear I’m at the heights of my raging hormones. I can’t believe I’m fucking horny!

“This can’t.. your father is going to kill me. Let’s stop now, Reina-”

“I won’t.. t-tell.. please… please, Anton.” I struggled as Anton keeps on catching my hands trying to touching his hiding member.

He sighed aggressively and tightened his grip on my left hand while my right hand is still free. Thank God his other arm is locked in my back dahil napasandal nako sa panghihina.

“I won’t tell dad.. Anton.. please..” I said, biting my lip as I slowly pulled down the garter of his sweatpants. It revealed his black boxers pero bago ko din mababa ay nahawi na agad ni Anton at ngayon ay hawak na ng isang kamay ang magkabilang kamay ko.

“You’re still young. We shouldn’t do this, baby. Come on..” I don’t know if he’s telling that to me or to himself but because I’m stubborn and persuasive ay muli akong nakawala at mabilis na binaba ng dalawang kamay ang garter ng sweatpants niya.

I cheered internally as I successfully pulled down his pants and his boxers revealing his ever proud member. I gasped when I saw it sprung free in the air. Anton groaned and looked at the ceiling. “I’m a dead man. Your dad is going to murder me.” Daing niya.

Lips parted in shock and fever-like heat, I stared at his manhood pulsating on the back of my fingers holding the garter. It has a fair tan color like his complexion, thick and with protruding veins, its tip is round and a bit wet. His pubic hair is neatly groomed.

“Now you’ve seen it. That’s enough, baby please.” Tila nanghihina niyang alis sa kamay ko pero nagmatigas akong nagpumiglas. He groaned when my hand slowly touched his shaft. Its huge and thick that I had to use both my hands to hold it.

Napasinghap ako ng bumaba ang ulo ni Anton sa balikat ko. “You got what you wanted. That’s enough curiosity now, please.” He whispered breathily only for me to ignore.

My hands has its own mind as they stroke him up and down slowly, making him breathe on my neck. Ramdam ko ang pagtaas baba ng dibdib niya sa kaliwang braso ko.

I can’t believe it! I’m jerking him off! Oh my God!

His warm hand held mine thinking he would stop me but he only did that for support. Napakagat ako ng labi sa sobrang init na nararamdaman. Para akong lalagnatin sa mabigat na paghinga ni Anton sa leeg ko at sa hawak kong nagagalit niyang pagkalalaki.

He’s holding my hand but he’s letting me stroke him the way I wanted. I don’t know if I’m doing it right but I just keep on stroking up and down. The tip of his manhood glistened with a runny fluid.

Curious, my index finger touched its tip and felt the wetness from it. I heard Anton moaned on my neck. “Baby.”

Right then and there I lost my sanity and when Pierce’s lessons echoed in my head, I immediately crouched and stick out my tongue to lick his tip. Kasunod non ang marahan kong pagsubo ng ulo ng kanyang pagkalalaki.

“Fuck, Reina!” I heard Anton roared as I sucked on the tip of his fully erect manhood. He stiffened as he didn’t anticipate what I’ll do next. Nang nakabawi ay mabilis niyang hinawakan ang magkabilang pisngi ko paangat.

“Fuck, baby. What are you doing-”

“I want.. to.. Anton.. please..” I no longer recognize my voice. He shut his eyes while shaking his head and muttering curses. Muli akong yumuko para isubo ang kanyang pagkalalaki.

“I’m a walking corpse. I’m sure of that. Baby, come on…” tawag ni Anton at hinawakan ako sa balikat. I shrugged as I focused on sucking the tip of his manhood. Nalasahan ko ang malagkit na nandoon kanina.

It’s quite salty yet still bland. Nabuhayan ako. I want to taste some more. I tried to suck him deeper and all I can hear is his seductive moans. I felt his hand brushed my hair as my head is banging up and down on him. Mas ginalingan ko pa sa ginagawa ng marinig ang munti niya ungol.

It’s my first time doing this and I’m not sure if I’m doing it well but every time I hear Anton moans, I feel like I’m doing it right.

I’m no longer a virgin! I’m giving Anton a blowjob!

His legs spread wider and guided me to suck his proud protruding member. Malambing niyang hinahaplos ang braso ko habang ang isang kamay ay sinusuklay ang buhok ko.

“How did you learn about this?” Namamaos niyang tanong. I looked up to him and I almost drool when I saw him, nakapikit at nakatingala sa ceiling, hinahabol ang paghinga.

“P-Pierce taught me. A-And.. I watch p-porn.”

He looked down on me with eyes burning in anger and desire. “You won’t do that anymore.” He ordered. I licked my lips before nodding, suddenly submitting.

Muling pumungay ang nagaalab niyang tingin at yumuko para halikan ako sa labi habang hawak ang magkabila kong pisngi.

He stared at me while I gently stroke his shaft. Muli ko iyong sinubo at sinubukan na mas abutin ang puno nito pero wala pa ako sa kalahati ay agad akong naduwal at kinapos ng hininga.

“You don’t have to force yourself, baby.” He said languidly. He guided my head back to sucking him.

“Fuck.” He moaned when I went down on him again. I sucked him for minutes, ramdam ko ang pangangalay ng panga ko pero hindi ako tumitigil. Hindi na namin napansin ang movie o ang biniling pagkain.

Anton is touchy while allowing me play with his member with my hands and mouth. Hinihimas niya ang ulo ko, hinahagod ang likod ko, o kaya ay hinahaplos ang braso ko habang nadidinig ko siyang umuungol saking ginagawa.

“I’m close, baby.” I heard him called. I leaned back to look at him dahil diko alam ang gagawin. He held my hand and guided me to stroke his member faster, I bit my lip hard as I find it seductive. Bahagya niyang tinaas ang laylayan ng compression shirt, revealing his flat stomach and his love trail that made me seduced even more.

Dinantay ni Anton ang ulo sa balikat ko habang patuloy niyang tinataas baba ang hawak na kamay ko sa kanyang pagkalalaki.

I suddenly felt it grew bigger and pulsating in my palm, followed by his harsh moans. “Ugh! Fuck!” White hot liquid then spits out from his tip. He exploded like a fountain and it reached his abdomen while the rest of his hot steamed juice is dripping in our hands holding his shaft together.

My eyes widened in excitement seeing Anton convulsing at his release. Shit! Ang dami!

He’s panting on my neck while my eyes are fixated on his member, still erect and pulsating.

Still catching his breath, he planted a soft kiss on my shoulder bago swabeng pinunas ang kamay sa kanyang suot na compression shirt. Pagtapos ay marahan siyang umayos ng upo at hinila ang compression shirt mula sa batok para maghubad. Agad niyang pinunas iyon sa kanyang puson.

I let go of his member sa pagnanasang tikman ang natitirang katas niya sa likod ng kamay ko pero mabilis niyang nahuli ang kamay ko at pinunasan din ng suot niyang compression shirt.

No! Anton!

Slightly panting, he leaned to kiss me on my cheek. Inis ko siyang tinignan dahil sa ginawa pero mabilis ding napawi iyon dahil sa halik. Tsk! I want to know how it taste! Sayang!

Ilang segundo kaming nagkatinginan. All the hairs in my body rises when his eyes traveled on my body. Bumuntong hininga siya ng tila natigilan at nanlulumong bumulong “I’m sorry, baby.”

“It’s my fault. I should’ve known better. This wouldn’t happen if I didn’t-”

“I-It’s.. fine.. Anton…”

Umigting ang panga niya at nakapikit na umiling. “You’re still very young. I should’ve just stopped myself. I’m sorry, baby.”

Binagsak niya ang marumi ng compression shirt sa sahig at kinulong ako sa kanyang hubad na dibdib. “I respect you. I don’t want to rush things, especially this. What happened.. was wrong. Please, forgive me.” He whispered on my temple. My heart beats so fast. I’m blushing in romantic excitement.

“Anton.. its oka-”

“I don’t want to lose you because of this. I don’t want you to think that this is what I’m after for courting you. What I want is a relationship with you, Reina.” I can’t helped but smile as I felt him rested his forehead on my temple and hugged me tighter.

“I’m in love with you, Reina.” My heart stopped beating for a split-second and the butterflies flocked wildly in my stomach. He kissed my temple and I felt tears pooled on the side of my eyes, I feel so light like I’m floating. “I want your commitment more than this. More than this, baby.”

Nakakalasing ang mga salita at halik ni Anton. I don’t get why he’s the one apologizing when I was the one who asked for it. Eighteen naman nako. Saglit kaming nagpahinga ng magkayakap parin. “You can’t do this with anyone else. Promise me.” He commanded.

Nangingisi ay pilit nalang akong tumango. Duh? As if! “Uhuh. Promise.”

“I’m your boyfriend now. We are in a relationship.” Naglalaro ang ngiti sa labi ko ng tinago ang mukha sa hubad niyang dibdib na nalalatagan ng balahibo.

Paladecide si engineer. Fine. Right now, I don’t think there’s anything that we won’t agree on. Tumango ako habang nakatago padin sa kanyang dibdib. Bumuntong hininga siya. “Say it, Reina.”

“B-Boyfriend na k-kita.” Nahihiya kong sabi kaya pilit kong sinisiksik ang sarili sa kanyang dibdib. Ramdam ko ang pagsinghap niya at paghalik sa ulo ko.

“I love you, Reina.” I never felt this way, but it sure feels good.

It’s a bit fast but I don’t know why my heart is full and contented at this moment. It’s official. Anton is now my boyfriend.

Ilang minuto pang ganon, nagpahinga kami at nagusap sa nangyari. Nakompirma ko din na totoong naghalikan kami sa sasakyan niya nung lasing ako. Ilang saglit ay kumalas siya sa yakap at sinabing ihahatid na ako. Nagpaalam muna siya na magbabanyo at bumalik na nakaputi ng tshirt at itim na board shorts.

Niligpit lang namin ang pagkaing halos hindi naman nagalaw. Pinamulahan ako ng maisip na iba pala ang nakain ko at hindi itong pizza.

You were out of your mind, Ria! You gave Anton a blowjob in his condo! And you were the one who initiated it! You were like a cat in heat! What the fuck!

Makahulugang titig ang ginawad niya sakin ng sinara ko ang box. Nakanguso akong umiwas ng tingin at narinig ko ang kanyang halakhak. Sobrang nakakahiya. Ngayon lang ako tila nahimasmasan at halos gusto ko ng magpakain sa lupa.

We are together now. We are officially in a relationship. With just that one sexual encounter, pumayag akong maging boyfriend siya. Diyos ko! Saan napunta ang utak ko? Lagot ako kay dad!

Lalo akong nakaramdam ng takot ng makita ang missed calls at messages ni daddy na hinahanap nako. Mabuti nalang at mabilis na ang byahe dahil hindi naman traffic.

Gusto pa akong ihatid paakyat ni Anton pero tumanggi na ako dahil tatawagan ko pa si dad. It’s past ten! Gosh!

Hindi ko na nasuri pa ang floor parking at agad na pumasok ng elevator. Mabilis na sumunod sakin si Matt na tila may kinausap pa.

Anton smiled softly as he watched me between the closing elevator door. Agad akong nagtipa ng reply kay daddy. “I’m home na dad.”

We reached the top floor at nakita kong may mga nakaitim na lalaki. What’s this?

They made way for me as I opened the door. Pagkabukas ay narinig ko ang boses ni dad na nagmumura.

Fuck! He’s here?

Hindi pako tuluyang nakakapasok ay agad siyang nagpakita sa harap ko galing sa kusina para silipin ang pumasok. Sa living room ay may mga bodyguards din. Mabilis na sumunod sakanya si manang Lupe.

Dinig ang tili ni manang Lupe as dad walked past me and pinned Matt on the door behind me. “What the fuck are you doing, boy? You are supposed to guard my daughter!”

“Dad! Calm down!” Awat ko pero mabilis niyang sinapak si Matt at binalya naman sa pader. Napaupo at dumaing si Matt habang maagap na dumalo sakanya si manang.

“Where were you? Where did you take my daugh-”

“Dad, please. Are you mad? I’m sorry!” Awat ko at hila sa braso ni dad. He turned to me with dagger eyes.

“Jesus, princess! It’s past your curfew! You disobeyed my rules! Where have you been?!” His voice thundered before pulling me for a tight hug. “I thought you’re home. You’re not responding. Where were you?” Pigil nitong sigaw.

“D-Dad.. galing po ako.. kayna tita Elisse-”

“Liar!” Dad let go of me and pointed his index finger at me before his hand balled into fist in the air. “I called Elisse. She said that you went home hours ago! And yet you’re not here! You’re nowhere to be found and you’re not answering your phone either! Where have you been, Reina Ariane?!”

Napapitlag ako at napapikit sa umalingawngaw na sigaw ni dad sa kabuuan ng living room. “S-Sa… Starbucks p-po.. I just b-bought some d-drink-”

“With who? Huh? And why didn’t you tell me? I’m so fucking worried! I was expecting you here and you’re not. I don’t know where you are and you are not answering my Goddamn calls! I thought something happened to you!” Nanginig akong umiling habang halos pumutok ang ugat ni dad sa leeg sa galit.

“I-I’m sorry.. I’m with m-my classmates.. u-umuwi naman po ako agad-” diko natuloy ang sasabihin ng muli siyang nagmura at tinalikuran ako. Aamba muli ng suntok kay Matt na kakatayo lang ng inawat ni manang Lupe.

“Sir pakiusap! Huminahon ho kayo.”

“Answer me, boy! Where were you? You never told me that you’re taking my daughter somewhere else!” Gigil na gigil si dad. I wiped my cheeks as I realized I’m crying in fear.

“Pasensya na sir. Hindi na ho mauulit-”

Muling umabot ang kamao ni dad sa pisngi ni Matt. “Fuck you! If something happens-”

I hugged dad’s back as I’m sniffing from crying. “Dad, p-please. Stop overreacting. I-I’m safe. S-Sorry. It won’t h-happen again.”

Marahas siyang suminghap at hinarap akong napahaplos sa noo. “I’m not overreacting! I was so worried! I thought you’re..” he hugged me back and sighed heavily. I can feel his shaking in fuming anger. “I thought.. please don’t do it again. Don’t go out like that without telling me. I told you to tell me where you are going all the time! Is that hard?” Pagod nitong daing. Umiling ako.

“I’m sorry. Please calm down.”

Manang Lupe took that chance to excuse Matt from the scene. I watched the unmoving bodyguards in the living room and kitchen area. Inaya din kami ni manang na kumain kung nagugutom pa.

“Sir, mabuti pa dito na ho kayo magpalipas ng gabi. Para sabay sabay na ho tayo uuwi bukas at walang pasok itong si Ria.” Si manang sabay abot ng baso ng tubig kay dad na nakaupo sa countertop. Dad turned to me with his piercing eyes. I swallowed hard.

“My rules are simple, Reina Ariane. If you can’t follow them then I will no longer allow you to live alone.” Agad akong natakot.

“I’m sorry. N-Nalate lang po ng uwi. Promise it won’t happen again dad.”

“You lied to my face. Why can’t you just tell me that you went to a coffee shop? Who are you with?” He roared.

I twitched. “C-Classmates ko lang po.. babae dad.. n-na hindi magoovernight.. kayna A-Amiel.”

“Tell Matthew I’ll talk to him. Now.” He instructed the hesitant manang Lupe.

“Dad-”

“Go to your room, Reina Ariane. You’re done for tonight.” He commanded. Maingat akong sinenyasan ni manang Lupe na sumunod nalang kaya bumuntong hininga akong humalik sa pisngi ni dad at dumiretso na ng kwarto.

I don’t know if dad will stay the night. I don’t mind though. Kaya hindi din ako pumayag na tumawag si Anton dahil baka madinig at mahuli pa ako dito ni dad sa kwarto.

I woke up stressed and with lack of sleep the next morning. The penthouse is so gloomy. I also noticed na may bagong bodyguard akong kasama.

What the hell?

“Ria. Kanina pa kita ginigising. Magagahan kana oh at uuwi tayo ng mansyon. Utos ng daddy mo.” Si manang Lupe na tinawag ako mula sa kusina.

“Saan kaba kasi nagpunta kagabi bata ka. Alalang alala ang daddy mo.” Mahinang saway nito ng pinaghahainan ako ng pagkain.

“Is dad still asleep?” I asked.

“Naku. Umuwi ang daddy mo kagabi. Kaya nga bilisan mo dahil hihintayin ka nun umuwi. Kumain kana hija.”

I glanced at the corner and saw Matt standing still with bruises on his face. Nagtama ang tingin namin. Agad akong naguilty.

“I’m sorry.” I mouthed. Tipid lang itong ngumiti at tumingin sa kawalan.

Anton is worried because I told him dad is mad. He asked if I’m grounded. Well, that’s for me to find out. Hopefully not.

Masama ang timpla ni daddy ng umuwi ako ng bahay. Busangot ito at hindi nako masyado pinapansin pagtapos akong pangaralan ulit. Nagtext pa naman si Lance kaninang umaga at tinatanong kung nakausap ko naba daw si dad sa proposal niya. Mukhang malabo iyong mangyari.

I stayed in my room all morning. Anton called me on FaceTime and check how I was, at kung grounded daw ba ako. Good thing that I’m not.

“You’re still working?” Tanong ko. Matamis siyang ngumiti sa camera. My cheeks flushed at the sight.

“Hindi ko natapos to kahapon. This will be quick because I’ll attend a function tonight.”

I see. “Which event?” He glanced at his phone with furrowed brows.

“Yours. It’s our client, Reina. Your father didn’t tell you?”

Ako naman ngayon ang kumunot ang noo. So we have an event tonight? Well. Masungit pa si daddy kaya baka mamaya niya pa siguro sasabihin. I can ask him but he might question how did I know about it. Gosh! What am I going to wear? Or am I even attending to begin with? Not sure with that pero imposible namang iwan ako daddy sa bahay kung ganon.

Nakaidlip ako habang kaFaceTime si Anton na nagwowork. Nagising nalang ako sa katok ni manang for lunch. My iPad is on low battery because Anton didn’t end the call as he’s watching me sleep. Agad akong nahiya sa ayos ko so I had to say goodbye. Kakain na din naman kami at ganun na din siya, hindi lang siya bumababa ng kwarto dahil hinihintay niya akong magising.

Dad’s grumpy face welcomed me in the dining area. Tipid niya lang akong tinignan at binalik ang tingin sa iPad sa tapat niya.

We started eating after the house helpers served the food. I’m a bit guilty kahit na nagooverreact lang naman si dad, I understand that he’s very particular with his rules in line with our agreement with me living independently. Mas lalong akong nakokonsensya because of what happened last night. If dad knew then fuck. Goodness, Reina!

“We are going out tonight for our client’s function. Your designer will come here with dresses you can choose from. Pick one that is appropriate for your age.” Tipid na sabi ni dad ng hindi ako nililingon. My lips pursed before nodding kahit hindi niya naman makikita.

“That client.. yung from CDO dad?” Yun kasi ang tanda ko pero we attended that old man’s party recently.

Dad side-eyed me. “He’s from Davao. We’ll build him a high-rise building and a luxury resort.”

A bulb lit on top of my head. I want to do Lance a favor and since this is our topic, “Dad. I have.. a r-recommendation..”

Dad’s brow shot up anticipating what I’ll say. I cleared my throat before I continue “I have.. a c-classmate, they are e-exporting furnitures.. and ahm.. wood ahm.. work. I have his portfolio, in case you want to see their designs. We can recommend them to our-”

“Did your boy classmate ask you for that?” He spat emphasizing the word ‘boy’. I sighed. Yes.

“I.. I j-just think.. its also good that we explore some.. ahm suppliers.. that we can partner-”

“Are you with that boy last night, Reina Ariane?” His voice turned menacing yet you can still feel his restraint. Is he hearing my suggestion?

“No.” Yes, but not like that. “Well.. y-yes. H-He’s my groupmate but he left alone. Iba po ang kasama ko..”

“Another boy?” He insinuated as he shifted his weight to me while squinting his eyes.

I sighed. “B-Babae po.. na classmates ko.. na d-di nagovernight.” I lied.

I stared at him in the eye trying to convince him, not sure if it works but he heaved a deep sigh before continue eating.

I cleared my throat. “So.. ahm.. dad, about-”

“What’s the name of that boy you are talking to, Reina?” Dad cut me off.

“Ahm.. Lance po.. Lance Dela Vega, he’s a son of the city councilor. If you’re f-familiar.”

Dad turned to me snappily as his lips parted. I then heard him scoffed. “The clients have their own suppliers, though they’re interested to see your tito Amer’s work.”

“But can we also suggest options-”

“I’ll see about that. Let’s eat, Reina.” Dad ended our discussion kaya nawalan na ako ng imik at di na nagpumilit.

I told Anton after lunch that I’ll be going. The fact that there’s a high chance of us seeing each other makes me tremble in both excitement and embarrassment. He’s my boyfriend but after last night, I’m not sure how I’ll face him.

Nothing changed with how he treats me but it’s just me na ngayon lang natatauhan sa nangyayari. My mind is about to explode with everything that’s going on at gustuhin ko mang ichika kay Pierce, I chose not to because aasarin lang ako non at baka intrigahin pa kung sino ang nakavirgin sakin.

Well.. I’m still a virgin down there but.. I experienced giving a blowjob already. Thank God I still have a slightest modesty in me na hindi bumigay at magall out kagabi. If not, oh my God!

Around six in the evening when the glam team and the designer arrived at the mansion to get me ready. He has dad’s tux too pero may kameeting siya sa study kanina pa.

The dresses were fabulous and elegant, my first pick was that pink plunging neckline but I remember what dad said so I ended up with the red scarlet neckline mermaid-cut dress. Since it’s sleeveless, the makeup artist suggested to let my hair down and iron it para mas straight.

Sumabay ako kay dad patungong venue. The ride was silent until he asked me a question.

“This.. son of councilor Dela Vega you’re talking to, are you always groupmates?”

I was taken aback but I still responded. “Di naman po. Pero kasama ko madalas, we are in the same circle you see. Kapag naglalunch po kami ng classmates ko sa school.”

I saw dad’s jaw clenched tightly as he exhaled audibly. He stared at his window while I stared back at mine.

“I don’t want you hanging around with.. boys, Reina.”

Nilingon ko si dad na nakatingin padin sa bintana niya. “It’s better if you hangout with your girl classmates. Not him, or other boys in general.”

I rolled my eyes and almost smirk. Here we go again. Of course I won’t just ignore Lance. That would be rude.

Saglit akong tinapunan ng tingin ni dad bago siya bumuntong hininga at pinat ang ulo ko.

We arrived shortly at the venue where the crowd was waiting for us. Tito Raymond and my cousin are here too, I believe. The guests are not that many because dad said the client wants it private and not publicized kaya wala ding media. It’s just us, our stakeholders, the engineers and architects who will be working on the project, and some of the important guests of the client.

I replied to Anton that I’m already here. Dad is now busy handshaking some businessmen. After the greeting, we walked to the center hall to look for our client. I’m trying to search for Anton from the crowd but I can’t see him. Until tita Elisse called me from afar.

Wearing a designer evening dress and hair tied up, she immediately went up to me and kissed me on the cheek. “Dear! I’m sorry last night. Kausap ko ang amiga ko. Your dad called. Hindi kapa pala umuwi? Saan kapa nagpunta hija?”

I was about to answer but I glanced at dad na di kalayuan samin at nakatingin habang tumatawa na ang tila client namin. My lips shook as I thought he heard tita Elisse. I turned to her and saw Amiel and tito Amer behind her. Amiel’s eyes immediately darted on me.

“He sounded worried. Hindi ka nagpaalam hija? Naku sabi ko pa naman sana saamin kana natulog.” Sabay hawak niya sa braso ko.

I cleared my throat and forced a smile. “Ahm.. dumaan lang po.. sa Starbucks.”

Unlike dad, tita Elisse seems convinced as she chuckled. “Ang dad mo talaga. Hindi ko masisisi dahil unica hija ka.”

I tried to smile back but I’m starting to get distracted with how Amiel watched me with pursing lips.

A woman in her fifties and a classic Chanel dress approached us, introducing herself as the wife of our client. Tita Elisse made pleasantries and so was I. Tita Elisse introduced her husband and Amiel after extending her gratefulness as her firstborn son’s team will be handling their project in Davao.

Our crowd grew bigger dahil ang mga amiga ng ginang ay sumama din sa amin. Habang si tito Amer naman ay may kausap na ngayong matandang lalaki. Si dad ay may kausap padin kasama na ngayon ni tito Raymond pero hindi naman sila malayo sakin dahil tanaw niya padin ako.

“Where’s your son? I would love to meet him in person. Ang husband ko lang kasi ang pumunta ng summit when they visited Cagayan De Oro.” Mrs. Enriquez speaks with elegance and pride.

Before she could even respond, Anton surprisingly joined our crowd in his clean black suit and black tie. Clean-shaven and hair is brushed up. Our gazes immediately met. He looks.. strikingly handsome.

“Ah! Speaking of! Anton anak. Come here.” Tawag ni tita sa mas lumapit na si Anton at agad na nakipagkamay sa ginang.

“Naku. Ang gugwapo naman ng mga anak mo Elisse.” Puri ng isang ginang na kasama ni Mrs. Enriquez. Tita Elisse giggled.

“Sadly nagmana lahat sa ama.”

“May girlfriend kana ba hijo?” Curious, Mrs. Enriquez asked Anton.

I saw him quickly glanced at me at agad kong nakagat ang labi at nagiwas ng tingin, yun nga lang, nahuli ko naman ang paninitig ni Amiel.

“Ye-”

“Naku wala pa nga pero inirereto ko na sa mga anak ng amiga ko. Ewan ko ba. Itong bunso ko naman nagaaral pa, pero kung si Ria ang magiging girlfriend payag na payag ako.” Giliw na giliw na sambit ni tita Elisse.

I almost uttered a curse as how tita Elisse made me now the center of the talks. Nahuli ko pa ang pag igting ng panga ni Anton ng ako naman ang usisain ng mga ginang.

“Really? Why not? That’s good. You look good together hija. Are you two..?” Tumaas ang kilay ng isa pang ginang sa paguusisa.

I was caught off guard na hilaw nalang akong ngumisi after quickly glancing at Amiel. “Ahm.. we’re friends po.. and classmates since senior high school..”

Mrs. Enriquez laughed but you can still hear her reservation. “You seem conservative, hija. That’s good. You know, arranged marriage is still a thing these days. Besides, both of you are from good families. I can imagine how grand your wedding is.”

Woah everybody needs to chill! Why are we talking about wedding now? And me.. and Amiel?

Tita Elisse laughed. “I’m sorry hija. Naku huwag na natin ipressure ang mga bata. It’s just that you know, her late mother and I made a promise to each other that’s why I’m really eager to see our children end up together.” Aniya na kinatango naman ng mga echoserang ginang na ito.

“I’m still young po and my dad won’t allow it yet. Besides.. I’m a transwoman.. so I don’t think that my wedding is something that will be acknowledged here.”

The older women dropped their jaws in awe but not in a bad way. Mrs. Enriquez caressed my arms and smiled sweetly. “Sorry about your mom. There’s nothing wrong with falling in love hija if that’s what you are worried about. Isa pa, same sex marriage is already legal in some countries abroad.” Tango nito.

Seriously, we need to drop this wedding thing.

I glanced at Anton na ngayon ay malamlam ang mata at nakapamulsang nakatingin sakin sa bandang likuran ng mga ginang na lumapit. I inhaled deeply.

This is awkward. I didn’t say anything wrong but I feel bad and guilty. Like I somehow offended him.

“How about you, hijo? What are your thoughts?” Dinig kong panguusisa naman ng isa pang ginang kay Amiel.

I wasn’t able to catch his response because Mrs. Enriquez is now curious about my likes and hobbies.

Dad and the older men joined us after a few chats as Mr. Enriquez called for Anton to join them. I secretly watched him look at me while he’s walking towards the group of older men.

Everyone is now busy with their own conversation and in a split-second, Amiel is now standing in front of me.

“I’m sorry… about earlier. Si mama talaga.” Panimula niya na namumula ang noo.

Surprised with what he said, I just timidly smiled. “That’s fine.” She has high hopes for us anyway. It’s just that..

“It’s fine with you?” His eyes widened for a fraction. I tilted my head in confusion.

“Ahm.. well.. sanay naman na ako kay tita Elisse. And.. well..” hindi na tuloy madugtungan ang sasabihin ngayon.

He sighed as he licked his lips. Amiel looks dashing with his black tuxedo matched with his black bowtie.

“Just let me know if it makes you uncomfortable.” Well this is new. I don’t remember us compromising with each other. If my memory serves me right, he’s looks irritated every time his mother expresses her desire of me being his girlfriend and her daughter-in-law.

My lips parted but I wasn’t able to respond. Amiel took that to sincerely compliment me. Another first time for me I think. “You look beautiful tonight. Your dress looks good on you.” He said genuinely.

I stared at his face and unknowingly smiled back. “You look dashing yourself.”

I know I’ve liked Amiel for a long time. He’s my crush. And with his mother pushing for us to end up together, I also had high hopes for us.

He bore me with his intense gaze. Nangingiti din.

I’ve liked Amiel for a long time but there’s no denying that he’s a cassanova. He switched girls like how he changed his jerseys. And for that I hated him.

We dated and yet he can’t even fully commit himself to me. He cheated on my face. And I hated him even more.

“Ria.” I heard him called, after he licked his lips, still staring at me.

I grew hatred and hurt because I felt betrayed. I never thought that we can still be friends but we are.

I don’t remember when I stopped hating him, or at least feel easy about him. I can genuinely smile and confidently stare back at him now.

I’ve liked Amiel ever since I knew how it feels to have a crush. But now, I think something truly changed. I am calm, not panicking, not conscious with how I look, not trying to deniably get his attention.

I now understand. I can look at him now without thinking of the past and hating him. I smiled, couldn’t respond to his call, so I heard him sighed with eyes still locked on mine.

What I feel right now is something deeper, and not for him. It’s someone else. My heart is with someone else.

Kabanata 27

We had our dinner at the party, where the older women of the group are still fascinated with fabricating stories of our possible future should a Montecarlo-Rodriguez merging push through by marriage. Dad is not pleased with the topic and tito Raymond is mocking him about it. My lips are sealed as I cannot give any comment that might fuel the fire of that conversation. Amiel is also mum about it whenever the women on the table asked him but I can see him staring at my way from time to time. The fact that Anton’s menacing stare is melting me to my seat, lalo akong nawalan ng imik at hilaw nalang na ngumingisi at umiiling sa mga echoserang matatanda na to na akala mo fortune teller.

“That’s enough, Mariche. Hayaan na natin ang kabataan sa ganyan.” Mr. Enriquez called out his wife and for his wife’s elite friends to stop when he felt that my dad’s last response has strong disapproval in it. Finally!

Our client is kind enough to divert the topic back into business where the older men dominated the table.

“No alcohol.” Dad whispered beside me while in the middle of their conversation. Ngumiti lang tuloy ako at umiling sa waiter na nagalok ng champagne.

My eyes wandered at the people on the table where I met Amiel’s eyes locked to me as if I’m a shooting target. I inhaled and tore my eyes off him, kung saan si Anton naman ang nahuli ko ng lumingon ako sa ibang parte.

My cheeks heated as I know what Anton is probably looking at when his eyes darted on the side of my face. I remember choosing Anton’s earrings to wear for tonight’s event. Mas gusto ko ang kanya kesa sa jewelries na hinanda ng designer kanina.

His brow shot up. I want to smile at him but he already evaded my eyes and stare at his wine glass. I sighed.

Sungit. I smirked internally.

It was a successful yet tiring night for us. Dad is still occupied by the client so I took a quick powder room break. Pabalik na ako ng mapunta sa harap ko si Amiel.

“Ahm..” I was startled I didn’t know what to say. I look around and saw dad still busy talking to the same old businessmen.

“I’m sorry… for coming up to you this way. Are you.. uncomfortable?” He carefully asked.

I cleared my throat and shook my head. “Ahm.. No. It’s fine. What’s up?”

He stared at me for a almost a minute so I had to bite my lower lip and wandered my eyes around not to feel such awkwardness.

I then heard him sighed. He licked his lips and took a few steps forward. I inhaled deeply, trying to anticipate what he has to say.

“I just want to.. I mean.. we never had the chance to.. talk.. about us.” He said lowly.

Kununot ang noo at napapilig sa narinig. He.. wants to talk.. about us?

I heard him sigh again. “If you’ll allow me, I want to have a chance.. to talk about us. Our-”

“Ma’am, pasensya na po pero nagaaya na si sir umuwi.” Putol samin ni Matt na biglang sumulpot lang sa gilid namin. I blinked and glanced at dad’s direction where I met his menacing stare, or his eyes at Amiel in front of me.

I sighed. I look at Amiel, thinking he would be annoyed at Matt, as he usually is, is now calm and nodding.

I saw him smile but it was short-lived. “It’s okay. You go ahead. We’ll see each other at school. Good night, Ria.”

My lips parted at this Amiel in front of me. I swallowed hard and smiled back. “G-Goodnight, Amiel.”

Agad akong sumama kay Matt patungo kay dad na hindi maipinta ang mukha kahit na mukhang nagtatawanan ang mga matatandang kausap. Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga.

I then thought of what Amiel said. He said he wanted to talk.. I don’t know what about us is he talking about. About.. our friendship? or is it still about what the older women mentioned on the table?

I shrugged and blinked it away. I’m surprised at myself. I’m curious, yes, but it’s not something that I really look forward to, or at least excited about. If not, I’m just really curious of his thoughts and why he seem bothered.

“Let’s go home. It’s getting late.” Supladong sabi ni dad paglapit ko. Tipid akong ngumuso at tumango. I scanned his group and saw Anton with them. Kita ko ang paghugot nito ng malalim na hininga at pagigting ng kanyang panga.

“Oh, uuwi na? Maaga pa. Inom pa tayo saglit President. Minsan lang akong magawi sa Manila.” Mr. Enriquez laughed and encouraged dad to stay for a little while. He’s right though. Besides, I still don’t have school tomorrow.

Even tito Raymond joined the teasing pero mukhang ayaw talaga ni daddy na magstay. He literally declined the invite and asked the client to visit him in his office this Monday for the drinks he’s asking. I sighed.

“Did I disturb your sweet rendezvous with your boyfriend?” Maanghang na tanong ni dad sa sasakyan. At first I got nervous that he knew Anton and I are together, but then I realized he’s pertaining to Amiel.

Dahil hindi ko nakausap ang boyfriend ko buong gabi.

I sighed and chuckled nervously. “Seriously, dad. They’re just imagining things. I don’t remember saying.. that we’re together. And Amiel too.” Kibit balikat ko. It’s true. I don’t know why he’s believing them. Na bagay daw kami at kami daw ang future generations ng mga business namin.

“So he’s not. Then who’s your boyfriend?” He spat almost angrily.

I was finally startled that I couldn’t find words to respond. Makes his overthinking that I didn’t know about worse, I guess.

“Hah! You didn’t react huh, so you already have a boyfriend?” Nanghuhuli nitong balik.

“Dad. Come on. Where are you getting-”

“Why can’t you just answer the question, Reina Ariane?”

I heaved a deep sigh. Of course I won’t tell him. Unless Anton already did. I cannot control his decision and for sure he’s the type not to keep his girls in secret. Well.. I guess he did. It’s just that he’s previously with women who were public figures, reason why it still reached the media.

I guess we have to talk in person about.. our relationship.. on what’s our setup is going to be.

“I told you you can’t have-”

“I.. d-don’t.. dad. I don’t have a b-boyfriend.”

“Uhuh. Why the stutter? Unsure if-”

Pumalatak ako sa inis. “Wala nga po dad. If you only stop overthinking.. masyado ka pong paranoid sa sinasabi ng mga matatanda. They’re just suggesting, yeah? How are you so sure that Amiel and I will be possible if you restrict me of many things?”

Yes. Go gaslight your dad, Ria. Great!

He scoffed but I’m quick to continue “Even if it’s another man, I don’t think I can have a peaceful relationship this early with you intervening. Guess I have to focus on my studies, huh?” I jerked. He somehow fell silent pero alam kong bugnot padin siya sa pagigting ng kanyang panga.

If only I have such freedom with my life choices like a normal teenager. For me to try and learn new things.

Hanggang makarating ng mansyon ay tahimik nalang si dad. I kissed him goodnight and went up to my room to freshen up.

“Are you.. mad?” I asked Anton on FaceTime. Nakasando na itong puti habang ako naman ay nakavelvet terno pajamas.

“No.” He said after exhaling.

Gusto kong mangiti. I think I can read his expressions and how he reacted earlier at dinner.

“I’m sorry.. about earlier. Just.. don’t mind them.” I said a matter of factly. I think I’m more worried about what he’s thinking than other people assuming that Amiel and I are a perfect match for each other.

He just nod and sniffed, still silent. Understandable. He’s vocal of his feelings for me and I think kahit sino naman kung yung taong mahal mo eh mas gustong makita ng ibang tao sa iba eh masasaktan. I just.. I don’t know why I feel hurt seeing him this silent about this. I don’t even fret about the older women wishing for my bright future with his brother but.. sigh. He said he’s not mad but why do I feel otherwise? My lips pursed.

“What are you doing?” Trying to open up another topic. Saglit niya akong tinapunan ng tingin at bumalik ulit sa umiilaw sa harap niya. I heard clicking sounds. Is he working?

“Just checking on something. Are you sleepy?” He asked with his heavy-lidded eyes. My lips curled as I feel my chest starts rising.

Ang gwapo ni Anton kahit madilim o maliwanag.

“Hmmm. Not yet. Ahm.. b-baka nakakaistorbo ako?”

Maagap kong nahuli ang tingin ni Anton. Isang malalim na hininga ang pinakawalan niya bago kunin ang phone sa patungan at lumakad paupo sa kama. Natanaw ko siyang sumandal sa headboard.

“No. I’m sorry about that.”

“It’s okay. If it’s important, ahm.. I can drop the-”

“I can check that later. Can we keep the call at least til you’re sleepy?”

Ganun nga ang nangyari kahit hindi siya masyado nagsasalita at hinayaan lang akong magkwento ng kung ano ano hanggang sa antukin ako.

He asked if I can go out tomorrow. He doesn’t have a plan but if I can, he’s thinking of us going somewhere.

Iyon nga lang, buong araw nasa bahay si dad kinabukasan at sa asta niya kahapon, lalo lang yung magdududa kung magpapaalam akong umalis kahit sabihing kasama ang mga kaibigan. I just knew I had to stay downwind.

I told Anton to just meet me at the parking lot of my penthouse instead dahil pasukan na din naman ulit.

“Morning! So? Any good news?” Si Lance na masiglang binati ako sa classroom come Monday.

“Hi uhh.. Morning Lance. About?” I tilted my head in confusion before I actually realized what he’s talking about. Still, I remained clueless for I know this is going to be awkward.

He sighed even with a smile on his face. “Well. I heard you had an event with one of your clients this weekend. So, have you talked to your dad about my proposal?”

Tuluyang kumunot ang noo ko. This guy is definitely something.

“How did you know about that?”

His single brow raised yet his full smile is still plastered to his face while I’m all weirded out.

“It’s a private function. Not many were invited. How did you know about that event?” Tanong kong napahalukipkip, kuryoso padin kung pano niya nalaman.

The client is indeed very low-profile so we rarely took pictures that night and just really enjoyed the party all together. But are we really that famous for people to stick their noses into our asses?

Ang ngisi niya ay naging hilaw at saglit na ginalaw ang malikot na tingin sa classroom. He chuckled before clearing his throat.

“Well.. who wouldn’t know about your family events? It’s always-”

“Wait.. Lance.. that’s it. It was not publicized for sure since the client never invited the media and they certainly invited few people. You were not invited. Or at least I didn’t see you that night. So how did you know?”

My lips parted in confusion while I believe I saw mixed emotions flashed in his face. I thought he’s mad for one second, come another and he’s that jolly person again.

“I just want to know if you already talked to your dad about my proposal. That’s all.” He nodded, sounding serious this time kahit na may hilaw paring ngiti.

I don’t know if I should let go of the idea, pero minsan meron talagang mga tao na weird.

I shook my head and swallowed hard. “Ahm.. well..” nakadungaw pa ito sakin at naghihintay ng sagot.

I exhaled before I continue “I.. t-told him about it. But I don’t know about his plans yet. So..” I shrugged.

His lips pursed as I saw his jaw moved. He gave me a quick smile before nodding. “You think he’ll consider looking into my proposal?”

I don’t know, Lance. But.. “uhh.. I think so.. I just.. let you know? If he talk to me about it?” My smile was short-lived. I feel bad because I feel like with Lance’s vision to his company, he really wanted to build partnerships with big corporations and I don’t know why I feel guilty thinking that I might let him down.

I sighed. I guess I can try talking to dad about it again.

His jaw moved again but he nodded as if he’s convinced. Good thing our professor came and it helped me escaped that awkward situation.

Lunch came and I joined Pierce and his cousin, declining Lance’s invite for lunch saying I have other plans.

“Akla. May something sayo.” Pierce blurted out. I gave him a confused look ng makitang sabay silang napatingin ng pinsan niya sakin.

“Hmm?”

He pointed his spoon at me while still chewing his food. “Yung mukha mo. Iba eh. May something.”

My lips twisted trying to decipher what he’s trying to imply. I didn’t change my skincare routine. I then remember I have to go to spa for my appointment.

Pierce leaned on the table and I did the same to hear what he’ll whisper. “ASG yan no? Nagpachukchak ka? Umamin ka!” Sabi nito na punong puno ang bibig.

“Huh? A.. SG?”

Natawa ito sabay ng paglagok ng iced tea dahil nabulunan. He had to process all the food he put inside his mouth while I wondered what the hell this bitch is saying. I took a quick glance at Penelope who is sitting beside him quietly but all eyes on me. I raised a brow at her and she looked away.

“After sex glow! Bakla! Di kana virgin no? Anong ginawa mo ng weekend?” I swear blood left my face cold and my jaw immediately dropped on the floor.

“The hell? Ang bibig mo!” Hiyang hiya akong palihim na nilingon ang cafeteria sa maaaring nakarinig. The cafeteria is packed with students, you bitch!

“Ano nga. May something eh. Nagpafacial kaba or what?”

“W-Wala! And what are you saying? You’re crazy.” Trying to deny his accusations even though my mind is then filled with Anton’s image when he’s about.. to orgasm.. fuck!

“Weh? Woke up like this lang yan? Ganda gandahan ka na masyado te.” Bumubungisngis na sita nito.

“Ewan ko sayo. Let’s just eat.” I said, dismissing the topic and continue eating kahit na tila bumabalik ang dugo sa mukha kong ang init init.

I’ve been staring at my reflection in the mirror for minutes. Kahit nagtutoothbrush ay pinagmamasdan ko padin ang mukha ko.

After sex glow? Is that even a thing? I don’t think something changed in me. I’m glowing, yes, but probably because I slept well last night? Maputi naman ako so my face is bright and flushed kung mainit.

Anton’s face flashed in my mind as his seductive moans echoed in my ear. I had to shook my head harshly to stop my worldly thoughts. My heart is pounding hard. Gosh, Pierce!

Hanggang sa dumaan si Anton sa penthouse kinagabihan ay binabagabag padin ako ng ideyang iyon. Dagdag pa ang paninitig niya sa mukha ko.

Seriously, what’s with my face?

“I missed you. How’s school?” He greeted me with a kiss on my left cheek. We are here in his car at the parking floor, nakauniform pa ako dahil hindi pa ako umaakyat ng penthouse.

“F-Fine.”

“Got trouble with homework? I can help.” He said while cocking his brow up.

Nakanguso akong umiling. Ang isip ay lumilipad sa ibang bagay.

“O-Okay naman. E-Exam na namin.. next week. M-Magrereview ako.”

I almost twitched when I felt his fingers run through my face to put some strands of my hair at the back of my ear. I shut my legs tight. Please, Anton.

“Uhuh.”

I swallowed hard as I feel my body tingling with his slight touched. I should consult my endocrinologist for this sudden sex drive. Probably something to correct with my dosage intake. This.. is bad.

Tumikhim ako at huminga ng malalim. “Uhm.. I’m.. planning to go to my.. spa appointment this weekend.. w-would you like to come.. with me?” Gosh. Why does him coming sound so different to me now.

He didn’t respond so I tried to look at him kahit na sa peripheral ko ay alam kong pinapanood niya ako. I saw his eyes travelled from my face to my body and I swear the heat went from my neck to my face.

I heard him sighed. He gently pulled my left hand and caressed it.

“I don’t think I can.” He said breathily habang pinagmamasdan ang kamay ko.

Oh.

He.. has plans? Or.. still work.. on weekends?

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nadismaya pero pilit kong umaktong normal. I just thought..

He heaved a deep sigh again by massaging my palm with his rough fingers. “I spoke to your dad earlier today.”

And? Crept slowly filled me.

Is it.. about.. us? Did you tell him?

“He gave the deal we got from CDO to someone else. He wants me.. to go back to Barcelona. He wants me.. to stay there til the project is done.”

I see.

“When.. are you leaving?” I asked as my chest slowly feels heavy.

“Two days from now.” He said, as he slowly leaned to rest his face on my neck while his left arm is on the glove box. He’s locking me to my seat.

I did a quick math. “Wednesday?”

“Evening, yes.” He whispered languidly against my neck. Shit. Anlapit na pala.

“We’ll FaceTime everyday. Just like before.” Unti unti akong nakakaramdam ng init dahil sa dumadamping labi ni Anton sa balat ko.

I feel hot but the big lump in my throat is blocking me. I don’t know. Parang ayaw ko siyang umalis.

I don’t know what dad’s plan is but I know Anton is hardworking. Even if he’s handling three projects at a time.. I know he can do it.

He sighed before closing our distance. I shut my eyes thinking we’ll kiss.. yes he did kiss me, but on my forehead. Namimigat kong minulat ang mata ko ng maramdaman naman ng labi niya sa pisngi ko.

I had to catch my breath because Anton is making my heart stop with his kisses.

“Am I still your boyfriend?” He asked as his voice slowly fades.

Yes.

“I’ll leave you here for months. I’m no longer allowed to take time offs.”

Napasinghap ako at muling napapikit ng pasadahan ni Anton ng tungkil ng ilong niya ang pisngi ko.

“Am I still your boyfriend then?”

“Y-Yes..” I confirmed. I don’t think we need to break up just because we are going LDR.

I felt his lips rose from my chin. “Really?” He said breathily.

“Really, Anton.”

We still didn’t talk about the party last weekend. Hinayaan ko nalang. Natulog akong kumakabog ang dibdib ng gabing iyon at malamlam namang gumising kinabukasan. It’s his flight tomorrow night. He said he’ll come by later tonight.

Feeling down going to school, tinamad akong magdrive kaya si Matt nalang ang uutusan ko.

Abala si manang sa paghuhugas ng lumabas ako. Matt is standing beside the countertop with his phone on his left ear, na agad binaba ng nakita ako.

“Si dad?”

Mabilis siyang umiling. “Tara na ho?”

I pouted. But then my hopes started to get high, “Is it.. Anton?” I whispered his name dahil baka marinig ni manang.

Malikot ang mata ni Matt ang muling umiling. “H-Hindi ho. Alis na tayo ma’am?”

My brows furrowed. Who? Do you have a girlfriend?

I just shrugged it off. Anyway, nauna na akong lumabas ng unit pagtapos magpaalam kay manang.

Sa parking ay hinintay kong pagbuksan ako ni Matt pero ng ramdam kong nakatayo padin siya ay tinapunan ko siya ng tingin. Nakatingin siya sa malayo at ng tanawin kung ano yon ay may nakita akong dalawang lalaki na nakaleather jacket na nakatanaw din sa direksyon namin.

“Ah! Tara na ho. Pasensya na ma’am.” Napapitlag ang katabi ko at agad binuksan ang backseat. My eyes are left darted on the two men in black. Lagi ko silang nakikita dito.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. Ang aga aga akong iniinis nito ni Matt. You’re being weird.

Sa school ay kakulitan naman ni Lance na katabi ko ang pumirdi sakin hanggang lunch. It’s not helping na para akong nagluluksa dahil aalis si Anton at ito namang mga nasa paligid ko ay tinetest ang pasensya ko today.

“Is your dad mad? About.. what happened last weekend?” Napatalon ako ng marinig si Amiel na nakapila sa likod ko. Nasa isang food stall kami para umorder ng pagkain.

“What?”

He sighed before staring back at me. “Babalik daw ng Spain si kuya sabi sa bahay. I also heard that Dela Vega earlier.. persuading you to consider their woodwork.”

Saglit dumapo ang tingin ko kay Lance sa kabilang food stall kung saan nakatingin din siya sakin.. or Amiel?

“I just want to know.. if your dad was pissed. Believe me, Ria. I didn’t want them to talk shit. I didn’t even say anything kahit makulit si mama.” Tila nagsusumamong sabi nito.

“Ahm.. no-”

“I heard ibang engineer ang hahawak ng project nung client ni kuya. Is tito Rico also considering to get furnitures somewhere else? Kaya ba naguusap kayo ni Dela Vega?”

“Ano sainyo ma’am?” Tanong ng tindera. This.. can’t you wait?!

Dahil sa hiya sa haba ng pila, basta nalang akong nagturo ng kung anong pagkain sa glass stand at umorder nadin ng inumin.

“I’m sorry, Ria. Sasabihan ko si mama-”

“No. It’s not that, Amiel.” Mabilis akong naglabas ng five hundred bill at inabot sa kasama nung tindera bago siya lingunin.

I cleared my throat. “I believe tito Amer made a deal to the client to supply them with furnitures. Iyong.. project.. I don-”

“You sure? You don’t think he’s pissed that those older women are pushing for us two?”

“Ma’am. Eto na po. Ito po yung sukli.”

“Thanks.” Mabilis kong kinuha ang bills at binulsa bago kinuha ang tray.

I turned around and saw Amiel still waiting like a puppy, I sighed.

I tried to force a smile. “Don’t worry. He’s not thinking about that. Mas gusto lang siguro ni dad na magfocus si.. k-kuya Anton abroad.”

I left Amiel sighing as I went to our table. This day is stressing me so much. I surely need that spa appointment this weekend.

“LQ?” Lance jerked when he sat beside me. I exhaled audibly.

“Hmm?” I said without looking at him.

“Parang seryoso pinaguusapan niyo ni Rodriguez.” He chuckled but I know it’s satire.

Hindi na ako nagbigay ng komento at nagpatuloy sa pagkain. I’m excited to go home. Gosh.

Anton is quite busy today but he said dadaan padin siya tonight para magpaalam. Hindi ko na kasi siya makikita bukas dahil may school ako at may work siya. Tumanggi naman ako na ihatid niya ako sa school bukas ng umaga dahil abala na iyon.

“I’m here.” I read his text around nine thirty.

Maaga pa kaya napipika akong magisip ng excuse kay manang kaya sinama ko nalang si Matt sa baba at nagsabing bibili lang sa convenience store.

I immediately walked to his black Montero pagdating ng parking kung saan nakahilig siya sa unahan na nakaputing polo at itim na slacks. Agad naghuramentado ang puso ko.

“Nagpaalam kaba?” Bati niya.

“Y-Yes.”

Giniya niya akong pumasok ng sasakyan. Sa loob ay halos bumigat ang dibdib ko sakanyang pabango. I think I’ll miss this. I don’t know. Should I talk to dad? Will it be weird? Will I be caught?

He asked how my day went like the usual. It’s just that there’s this gloomy air between us.

Marahan niya akong hinila para makulong sa kanyang bisig. My eyes suddenly sting as I’m getting teary-eyed. I’m getting too emotional.

“I’ll miss you, very much.” He crouched to meet my eyes but I buried my face against his chest. He chuckled without humor.

“I’ll work hard to make that project a success. I’ll make you proud.” I bit my lower lip dahil lalo akong naiiyak.

“It will be quick, you won’t notice me gone. I promise to call you everyday, hmm?” I shut my eyes and nodded repeatedly.

He grabbed my left hand and I felt something cold covered my ring finger. I looked down and gasped for air when I saw a Tiffany ring. It looks simple yet elegant. May bato ito sa gitna na napapalibutan ng mas maliit na diamond. It almost looks similar with my Cartier earrings.

“Anton-”

“It’s just a promise ring. A promise that I’ll come back home.. to you.” He said while kissing my temple.

“You’re still young to be asked for marriage, so I’ll wait. I’ll wait for you. I’m okay with being your boyfriend for now.”

Nasapo ko ng isang kamay ang bibig at tuluyan ng tumulo ang luha habang nakatitig padin sa palasinsingan. This.. this is..

“I’m sorry if it’s too much. Believe me that it’s just a promise ri-”

My arms immediately crossed around his neck “Thank you. I’ll.. I’ll wait..”

I felt the heat from friction as I’m wearing a thin fabric and my protruding peaks are brushing against his chiseled chest. I felt him breathe heavily.

“I love you, Reina. Very much.”

“I..” I want to say it but I chickened out. I still don’t know if I feel deeper that way. But..

“It’s okay.” He combed my hair. “You don’t have to answer me now. Kuntento na akong boyfriend mo ako.”

I leaned back a little to see his face in poor lighting, how is facial features are well-defined and manly.

“I’ll miss.. kissing your lips.” He uttered as his eyes went down to my lips. I shivered.

We shared a deep passionate kiss making it difficult to let him go. Siya nalang ang umawat sakin dahil kung saan saan na pala gumagapang ang kamay ko.

Hinatid niya ako sa pinto ng penthouse at hinalikan sa noo bago nagpaalam na umalis. I’m quite sad that he’s leaving, yes, but it’s for work so I understand. Besides, I know him. He always makes time for me. Bago nga magboard ng plane ay nagvideocall pa siya saglit.

I focused on acing our quizzes the succeeding days to gain more scores. Exam na namin next week. I wanted to do good in school, lalo pa at ganun din naman si Anton sa trabaho.

My classmates asked to get some iced coffee after school at dahil maaga pa naman at sa penthouse ako tutuloy, sumama na ako.

We decided to just take a walk since it’s just a couple blocks away. I unintentionally glanced at the street across and saw a man in black tshirt staring at me. He immediately evade my eyes though.

Sanay naman na ako sa mga tumitingin pero ng makita ko ulit ang lalaki sa tapat ng cafe na pinuntahan namin, agad nangunot ang noo ko.

“Is something wrong?” Lance asked.

I blinked. “N-Nothing.. I just thought.. that man..” hindi matuloy ang sinasabi kaya tumingin din si Lance doon kung saan wala na ang lalaki.

“Hmm. Probably a stalker?” He raised a brow cockily.

Or maybe one of my bodyguards? Di ba ganon ang suot ng mga tao ni tito Ronin?

“You shouldn’t be scared of that, Ria. What’s scary, are those who are even close to you. Someone you thought you can trust with your life.” He said meaningfully kaya nakuha niya ang atensyon ko. Tipid lang siyang ngumiti at pinagbuksan ako ng pinto. Nahuli ko pa ang panonood samin ni Amiel na nahuli din sa pagpasok.

We shared a large rectangular table at as usual, si Lance ang katabi ko. Tanaw kong lalapit sana si Amiel pero tinawag siya ni Trisha.

“You know, I want to share a story of my friend before. He used to have bodyguards like you.” Bulong ni Lance na kinakunot ng noo ko.

He grinned and shrugged. “He’s from a political family like mine, so they needed security services. His father assigned him a lot, but you know what happened? They turned against him. He thought he could trust them with his life. Turns out, those bodyguards are keeping secrets and even conspiring to kidnap my friend for ransom.”

Tumaas naman ang balahibo ko sa narinig. That’s unfortunate. Guess dahil sa politics? Good thing that we are trying to be low-profile and tito Ronin is trusted with his elite security.

We decided to parted ways after finishing our cup. I saw Amiel wiggled his brows at me for goodbye. I smiled back. Saglit nitong tinignan ang katabi ko bago pailing na umalis.

Sa labas ay naghihintay si Matt sa tapat ng SUV ko na agad akong natanaw.

“You should watch out from that bodyguard of yours.” I heard Lance behind me.

With his story, I chuckled though I slight felt offended for Matt. “Don’t worry. He’s trusted. Hindi siya kagaya nung bodyguard ng friend mo.” I said on his behalf. It’s good to be cautious but I don’t feel like it’s right to judge. Lalo na at never akong nagkaproblema sakanya.

Lance walked past me, nagkibit balikat. “I don’t know. I saw them. The ones I’m talking about. And what I feel now about your bodyguard, is what I felt when I first saw my friend’s bodyguards. Just don’t trust too much.” He tapped my shoulder and grinned.

Lance can be overwhelming at times but I don’t think he’s a liar. Kaya tulala niya akong naiwan don at kung di pa lapitan ni Matthew, eh hindi makakabawi.

“May problema, ma’am?”

I startled pero mabilis akong umiling. “Nothing. Let’s go.”

I secretly watched Matt on the rearview mirror. He’s tito Matias’s son. Noon pa man eh tiwala na ang pamilya namin sakanila. Lance is wrong.

Matt is even good at keeping secrets. At least from dad. Kaya kahit may kabalastugan ako hindi ako nahuhuli.

“You’re home late again today?” Si dad ng tinawagan ako pagkadating ng penthouse.

“Nagaya lang magStarbucks ang classmates dad. Hindi naman po ako nagtagal. Padilim palang po.”

I heard him sigh on the other line. “Are you sure classmate lang?”

If only dad can see me rolling my eyes. “Yes, dad. Ask Matt. We are a group of eight people.”

I heard him exhaled, mukhang hindi kumbinsido. Napailing nalang ako. “You can opt to food delivery?”

“I know. Sige na dad. Magdinner na po ako. Ikaw din.”

He let out another sigh. “Alright.”

“Bye. Love you.”

Anton called me that night kahit nasa site siya at maingay. I don’t mind though. I feel excited every time he calls.

“How’s my baby?” He asked. He look cute with that hardhat. Namumula din ang mukha niya sa init at butil butil pa ang pawis sa noo at ilong.

“F-Fine. I passed all the quizzes. We still have one though sa minor ko bukas.” Pigil ngiti kong sagot.

And how I melted when I saw him smile. “Nice. Good job, baby.”

Hindi naman ako perfect pero I feel like I’m the brightest student in class with how Anton compliments me. I raised my left hand in the air and stared at his promise ring. Hindi ko mapigilang kiligin.

“Yes. This is she.” I said to the girl who called me from the Spa.

“Good morning ma’am. Confirm ko lang po if tuloy yung appointment niyo tomorrow ng 10AM?”

“Yes.” I said while getting ready for school.

“Thank you po. Sa form niyo po ma’am Ria confirm ko lang na magswedish massage, body scrub, and foot scrub po sila?”

“Yep.” I stare at my reflection in the mirror and when contented, I stepped out of my room.

“Sige po. May ibang treatments pa po ba tayong iaavail?”

“Nope. That’s all. Got to go. Thank you.”

“Ay sige po. Okay na po ma’am thank you po see you tomorrow ma’am Ria.”

I’m driving today kaya hindi ko na hinintay pa si Matt dahil alam ko naman na kasunod ko din siya.

Kaya ganun nalang ang taka ko ng nasa baba na siya agad sa parking may kausap na lalaki. Agad naman itong nagpaalam ng matanaw akong lumabas ng elevator.

Matt stood still like nothing happened. It’s just that my brows creased as I watched the man he’s talking to walked away.

“Who’s that?”

Dinig ko ang simpleng singhap niya. “May tinanong lang ma’am.”

Napakurap akong pinanood padin ang unti unting nawawalang lalaki. I’ve been seeing a lot of unfamiliar men lately. Is this dad’s doing? Nung last time na nalate ako ng uwi?

“Tell me, Matt.” I sad while still staring blankly at the entrance of the parking lot.

“Did dad add bodyguards to watch on me?”

I turned to him who’s now cautious, I can see it from his eyes. Bumuntong hininga ito.

“Hindi naman ma’am.”

“Really.” I squinted my eyes. “I thought I remember him saying he’ll add more men. So that’s.. not true?”

Saglit na umawang ang labi nito at napakurap. “Wala hong nabanggit. Ako parin naman ang kasama mo ma’am.”

“Hmm.” I raised a brow before walking past him. I’m taking my SUV today.

I took a deep breath as I started the engine. If that’s not my bodyguard, then who is it?

I’m just being paranoid, I guess. I don’t know why I can’t let go of the idea especially with what Lance told me. Parang.. I sighed.

No. This is nothing.

My day went on and as I promised to myself, I tried my best para mapasa ang quiz ng minor na feeling major subject ko.

Pierce asked to join me for lunch dahil absent ang prof nila. Siya lang kasama ko at dahil maharot siya eh mas gusto niyang sumama nalang sa mga classmates ko.

“Eh? Nananawa nako sa food selection sa cafeteria. Let’s eat outside.” I suggested ng intayin niya ako sa labas ng classroom. At ang patay gutom kong kaibigan ay agad nagningning ang mata.

“Sure. Treat mo te ha? Sige na.” Sabi nito at umangkla pa sa braso ko. Natatawa akong umiling.

“Ria. Lunch?” I heard Amiel called. Mabilis ko ring naramdaman ang mahinang kurot ni Pierce.

“Ay may pag-aya.. anong meron?” He asked while gritting his teeth to not make it obvious.

“Stop it.” Simple kong sita bago lingunin si Amiel. “Ahm.. you go ahead. Sa labas kami maglalunch ni Pierce.”

“Ria. Oh. Hi there! Lunch?” Si Lance na lumabas din ng room kasama si Trisha.

“Hi papa Lance. Sa labas daw kami kakain ni Ria eh.” Tila nagpapaawang sabi ng baklang katabi ko.

“Bro? Arat na.”

“Which restaurant? I think we can all go.” Amiel commented. Great! Buong barangay!

“I thought we’re eating sa cafeteria? Sinong lalabas?” Singit ni Trisha.

“It’s okay. I’ll eat out today. Una na kami.” Paalam ko at madiin na hinawakan ang braso ni Pierce.

“Hey, wait! Can I join you guys? Or you have plans?” Habol ni Lance.

As what I predicted, lahat nanaman sila kasama. I don’t even know how I can talk to Pierce about what’s with my life lately, kung andito tong mga asungot. Not that they matter but I guess I wanted some privacy.

“Bistro tayo bro.” Aya ng kateam ni Amiel na nasa likod namin.

“Hindi ka talaga makaalis ng walang lalake ano.” Nanggigigil kong sabi kay Pierce. He makes face at mabilis na naglakad. Good. Dahil baka mahila ko ang buhok niya.

Tinatamad daw magdrive si Lance kaya gusto niyang sumabay nalang sakin pero dahil hindi naman ako makaalis ng wala si Matt, ang huli ay nagmungkahi na isang sasakyan nalang ang dalhin at ihatid kami para tipid sa gas.

“I didn’t know the Montecarlo princess have to save up for car gas?” Lance mocked Matt. Kita ko naman ang pagigting ng panga ng huli.

“Sakay na ho ma’am. Ihahatid ko na kayo.” Pagignora nito.

“I can just drive. Malapit lang naman. How about you take your lunch?” I suggested. I’m not that cruel. Tanghali na din naman.

“Yeah. Yeah. Let’s go? They’re waiting.” Si Lance. Nasa raptor na niya si Amiel kasama si Trisha at ibang lalaking kaklase pero hinihintay pa kami.

“Kayo sir? Sira ba ang sasakyan niyo? O nagtitipid din ho ba kayo sa gasolina?” I heard Matt spat.

“Hey.” Agap kong sita. This is the first time I saw him being rude with my friend. What’s your problem?

“That’s fine. Ihatid mo kami kung gusto mo. Pierce, Lance let’s go. For God’s sake I’m starving!” I said at padarag na binuksan ang backseat.

We finally arrived at the restaurant recommended by my guy classmate and I can say their food is good. Malapit lang din to sa school pero dahil mainit, we had to bring our cars.

We settled the bill and excused ourselves for a restroom break and cigarettes for some of the boys.

“Te antayin kita sa labas ah.” Dinig kong sigaw ni Pierce sa labas ng women’s restroom. Agad kong tinago ang ginamit na toothbrush sa kit at binalik sa bag. Sinuklay ko ng daliri ang buhok ko at lumabas na din ng banyo.

I saw the boys puffing cigarettes a few steps outside the restaurant. Halos mapatigil ako ng makilala ang lalaking binilan nila ng sigarilyo.

The rugged vendor is already staring at me with that familiar sinister smile. Agad akong kinilabutan.

“Something wrong?” Napapitlag ako sa biglang pagsasalita ni Lance sa likod ko.

“No. I.. I.. just n-need to go. I’m sorry.”

I immediately rushed to where my car was parked while I’m catching my breath. Agad akong binalot ng takot ng huli kong makita ang mama.

I unconsciously scanned the area and noticed a man looking at my direction, I’ve been experiencing this and right now I can’t distinguish sino ang mga talagang napapatingin lang, may ibang tinitignan, o pinapanood talaga ako.

With fear travelled through my veins, nanginginig akong palinga linga kakahanap kay Matt. Where the hell are you?

“Ma’am? Tapos na ho kayo? Asan ang kasama niyo?” Si Matt na biglang sumulpot sa kung saan. I watched him walking towards me pero hindi nakatakas sa paningin ko ang lalaking naglalakad sa likod niya pakabilang direksyon. Saglit itong lumingon sa gawi namin bago nagpatuloy sa paglalakad.

“Anong problema Ria?” Dinig kong nagaalalang tanong niya. I stare at his eyes as I realized I’m crying.

“I.. I saw him.. t-the vendor.. yung vendor n-nakita ko.”

“Te. Bat tumakbo ka? Gora na tayes?”

Saglit na lumingon si Matt kaya hindi ko nabasa ang binigkas niya sa earpiece niya.

“Hey. Wait for me. Sorry for being a nuisance. I’m with you today.” Ani Lance.

“May ginawa sayo? Sinaktan ka?” Si Matt at napahawak na sa braso kong nanginginig.

“Akla anyare? Okay ka lang?” Si Pierce. Naramdaman ko ang pagpunas nito ng pisngi ko.

“I’m fine! J-Just… let’s just g-go.” I stuttered.

Ayaw pa ako pakawalan ni Matt ng makabalik pero may klase na kami. Lutang akong nakaupo sa loob ng classroom at hindi makapakinig ng ayos. Laking ginhawa ko ng marinig ang bell hudyat na tapos na ang last period. Agad kong pinasok ang filler na hindi naman nasulatan ng ayos dahil sa estado ko at naghanda ng umalis.

“Ria.” Amiel called.

“Tara na?” Si Lance.

Napasinghap ako sa stress na nararamdaman. I ignored them and stormed outside the room.

I’m glad that I didn’t interact with that rugged vendor today but seeing his face made me tremble when I remembered the words he said last. About me.. and.. my brother he said..

Magisa akong naglalakad papunta ng rotunda pero pakiramdam ko ang daming matang nakamasid sakin. These are students, Ria! You are being paranoid! Just! Ugh!

Nakita ko si Matt na naghihintay pero tila may kasensyanan. Saglit akong nagtago sa puno at tinanaw kung saan siya nakatingin.. kung saan may isang lalaking nakaleather jacket, hindi ko nanaman kilala ang katanguan niya.

My mind will be at ease kung aminin mo lang na nagdagdag ng tao si daddy. But you denied it. You denied it! At now makikita kitang ganito sa oras ng trabaho mo sakin?

I showed myself and with Matt’s instincts, agad niya akong napansin. Umakto itong wala lang at ng pahilim kong lingunin ang lalake kanina ay mabilis iyong nawala.

“Is there a problem?” With couraged, I asked him.

“Ma’am?”

“Is there something I should know?”

Maingat na titig ang ginawad niya. “Wala namang binaggit si sir. Bakit ma’am?” Nagmamadaling sabi nito at simpleng lumilinga.

Pumasok ako sa sasakyan at agad siyang nagmaneho. “You know, Lance told me about.. this friend of his, who were kidnapped.” I saw him glanced at me from the rearview mirror.

“By his own bodyguards. They took him for ransom. Well. They are rich and from a political dynasty so.” Kibit balikat ko kahit na naniningkit na nakatingin kay Matt sa rearview mirror.

I heard him sigh “Mas mabuti siguro ma’am na huwag kayo masyado sumama sa kaklase niyong iyon.”

“Hah! Really?” Surprised, I fired back.

Saglit niya akong sinulyapan. “Ayaw din ng daddy mo na sumasama ka sa mga lalaki na di niya kilala. Paalala lang ho sa bilin ni sir.”

I inhaled deeply and stared at him blankly.

Will you ever betray me, Matthew?

Kinagabihan ay kahit nangako ako kay Anton na magsasabi sakanya, eh pinili kong huwag nalang at sarilinin ito habang di pa ako sigurado.

Lance has a point. That rugged man can do nothing to me because I have bodyguards. Only if my bodyguards were true to me.

“Yes dad. Diyan po ako dederetso after ng spa appointment. Napaaga lang po kasi.” I told dad na nagtatanong bakit wala pa ako Saturday ng umaga.

“Welcome back, Miss Ria. The usual?” The manager greeted me as I went to my scheduled appointment. I needed this. For me to relax and ease my mind.

Dumiretso ako ng bahay pagkatapos. I somehow feel safe inside our home dahil andito din si dad.

I plan on staying til Monday morning at dumiretso nalang ng school. After dinner come Sunday night, agad akong nagpaalam kay dad at umakyat ng kwarto.

Bumagal ang hakbang ko ng mapansing bukas ang pinto ng kwarto ko. Saglit kong nilingon ang pinanggalingan maging ang second floor pero wala namang tao.

I slowly pushed the door and saw one of our house helpers in front of my then opened vanity drawer, nagkakalkal sa jewelries ko.

She’s familiar. The eavesdropping girl.

“What are you doing?” I roared. Tila di ito natinag na nilingon ako. And this bitch even had the audacity to wear one of my necklaces!

“Thief! How dare you!” Mabilis akong lumapit at sinampal siya.

“Sinubukan ko lang. Ibabalik ko din-”

“How dare you talk to me that way? Guards! Manang!” I shouted to make a scene. This bitch didn’t even flinched.

“That necklace is mine! Magnanakaw ka! You cheap ass thief!” I said approaching her for a cat fight ng madinig si manang sa labas.

“Ria. Anong nangyayari?”

“Manang! This bitch is a thief! Pumasok siya sa kwarto ko at ninanakaw ang mga alahas ko!”

Security and even some house helpers that wanted to know what’s up poured outside my door. They parted like the sea when dad entered my room.

“Dad! Look at this bitch! Magnanakaw! She entered my room without my knowledge and stole my necklace!”

“Hindi po totoo iyan. Pinahiram po sakin to ni ma’am-”

Maagap akong lumingon para sa panibagong sampal sakanya. “Bitch! You liar! Ang kapal ng mukha-”

“That’s enough, Reina!” Dad’s voice thundered.

“Dad. I want this cheap ass lying thief fired! Hindi natin kailangan ng hampaslupa-”

“I said that’s enough, Reina Ariane! Your mouth!” Ganting sigaw ni dad na kinagulat ko. Humahapos itong minasahe ang sentido at nilingon si manang.

“What did you say? I just told you this bitch barged in here and you’re-”

“Watch your language, Reina Ariane! You’re being rude!”

I laughed without humor. “Unbelievable! Are you siding with this bitch than me? Me, your daughter?!”

“Pasensya na sir. Hindi ko alam kung bakit nagkakaganyan si ma’am-” I gritted my teeth when I turned to the bitch behind me, hindi parin hinuhubad ang kwintas ko.

“Regine. Lumabas ka nga muna at kakausapin kita. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ka nandito gayong inutusan kita sa likod.” Si manang na tila balisa. Hinahabol ko ang hiningang nilingon ang mga naguusyoso sa labas. The security are alerted and holding something on their waists.

“Kayo? Anong tinitingin tingin niyo? Mga magnanakaw din kayo!”

“Reina!” Si dad na marahan akong hinila palapit sakanya.

Naiiyak akong tumingala sakanya. “But dad. I’m telling the truth. She’s a thief-”

“Just.. go. You need to go. Call Matthew and take her to the penthouse. Now!” Dad ordered!

What?

“Hah!” I fired at nagpumiglas. “I’m your daughter! You’re kicking me out of my own house! How could you!” I shouted on top of my lungs. Pain flashed in dad’s eyes. Tinulak ko ang mga kasambahay na nakaharang sa pinto at nagmartsa pababa.

I get that dad is righteous towards the house helpers but this is wrong. That bitch is stealing and lying into our faces! Bakit hindi mo ako paniwalaan dad? What’s wrong with you?

Igting ang panga ni Matt na sinalubong ako. Halos matutop ko pa ang bibig ng makitang mabilis niyang tinago sakin ang hawak na baril. I got scared thinking of what I’ve been suspecting.

“Ma’am. Ihahatid kita sa penthouse. Utos ng-”

“No! Leave me alone!” I walked out of the house and immediately got my car. Mabuti at nasa tamang isip ako at nakuha ang car keys sa holder kanina.

Mabilis akong nagdrive at nagpunta ng penthouse. I know I’m being followed as I can see our van tailing me. Hindi ko na napark ng maayos ang sasakyan at agad na umakyat ng penthouse.

I don’t have my card so I had to typed in my code immediately. Natanaw ko na si Matt kaya napatili akong sinara ang pinto at sinara ang lahat ng lock sa loob.

I no longer feel safe. Walang mapagkakatiwalaan sa bahay. Even our own security is doubtful. And dad.. who supposed to be there and protect me, kicked me out.

Wala akong nadalang gadget. Iyak ako ng iyak buong gabi. May pasok kinabukasan dahil exam week namin pero natatakot akong lumabas.

I ate whatever’s microwaveable at mabilis na naghanda kinabukasan. Mugto ang mata kong lumabas ng unit kung saan may tatlong security na naghihintay kasama ni Matt.

“Good morning, ma’am.” The men greeted me in chorus. I hesitated kaya ilag akong humakbang papuntang elevator.

“Ma’am. Kailangan kitang ihatid.”

“I want to be alone, Matthew. For once. I hope someone listen to me.” I gave him dagger eyes before walking out.

He distanced himself pero alam kong nakasunod padin siya hanggang sa school.

“Ria. Have you seen this?” Lance went up to me with his phone in his hand ng nakaupo na ako sa arm chair. Kumunot ang noo ko.

“What-” hindi ko natuloy ang sasabihin ng makita ang screen ng phone niya.

“Montecarlos of San Vicente under siege. Casa Montecarlo has been infiltrated. Mr. Montecarlo has been taken hostage.”

No. This.. what..

“This is an underground site. Hindi pa to napublic. Did you know?”

Tears immediately pooled in my eyes. “N-No.. I don’t.. know..” binabasa ko ang headline at picture ng bahay namin. Sa baba ay picture ni daddy at sinasabing hinostage ito kagabi pa.

How did this happen? We have tight security? And tito Raymond.. has he seen this? No one told me!!

But then I remembered I had no gadget with me. Plus Matt, he’s there in the penthouse pero hindi niya sinabi. Our tight security… or are they?

Panicking, I can’t think straight when Lance pulled me out of the classroom. Onti palang kasi ang estudyante. “Halika. Puntahan natin sila. Ihahatid kita.”

Ni hindi ko na nakuha ang bag ko. “I.. I need to call.. my d-dad..” Dad. What happened?

“Sa sasakyan mo tawagan. Halika muna.”

Nagmamadali kaming lumabas. I wanted to take the route to rotunda dahil nandun ang sasakyan ko pero nasa main entrance kami lumabas.

We walked across the street at dahil medyo napaaga ako ay wala pa masyadong estudyante.

Lance pointed at his white van sa isang eskinita. “L-Lance.. c-can I borrow y-your phone n-now.. p-please?” Umiiyak kong sabi.

“Mamaya sa sasakyan. We need to be quick. Let’s go there!”

I wanted to but should we also call the police? I don’t know how to fight them. How can I save my dad?

Papasok na ako ng marinig ko si Matt.

“Ria!” I turned to see him running towards us, eyes filled with fuming anger, and his hand with blood holding onto his lower abdomen.

He pointed his gun at me at agad akong natakot. No.

“Tangina ka! Lumayo ka sakanya!”

I wanted to shout but something stopped me as I felt a handkerchief covered my mouth. I inhaled this stinging scent that made me dizzy. I tried to remove it but it’s too strong.

My eyes are getting heavy but I saw Matt got hit on his head by a masked man using a baseball batt. I screamed as I saw him fell unconscious to the ground before I passed out.

Kabanata 28

I woke up still feeling dizzy and my head is spinning. Sobrang hilong hilo ako na hindi ko magawang imulat ng ayos ang mata ko.

“Sobrang kinis neto tol. Parang totoong babae na.”

I groaned. I heard some noises that my mind is too clouded to process. I felt the cold ground on my right cheek. I tried to press my left hand against the ground but I’m too weak.

“Titirahin kaya ni boss to? Pag hindi pwedeng ako nalang. Palag nako dito kahit sa pwet.”

I tried to open a single eye and see what’s happening and who’s that talking. My vision is still blurry but I can see two men standing not too far from me, in their worn out shirts and dirty shorts. Mga nakatsinelas at madumi ang paa.

“Gago. Di pwede galawin iyan. Yari tayo kay boss pag nagalusan iyan.”

“Mmm.” I groaned as I tried to crane my neck to lift myself up from the ground. What are they saying?

I heard them laughed but the conversation is still blurry to me. I think someone shouted at them.

“Huy tanginang mga manyak kayo! Kailangan kayo sa labas. Tama na kayo kakanasa diyan sa bakla!”

I heard silence after a few seconds. I then fully opened my eyes and saw the bright lights up the ceiling. Agad akong naningkit.

Sinubukan kong gumalaw pero nanghihina padin ako. I quickly checked myself at wala naman akong bruises. I glanced at my watch and saw that it’s almost noon time. I passed out that hard? Fuck. I was abducted! Where am I?

Patag na simento ang kinahihigaan ko habang puro kahoy naman ang nasa paligid ko. Walang pinto ang silid na to kaya sinubukan kong silipin ang labas. I can see some pile of wood and steel, and some machinery.

May mga sofa ding gawa sa kahoy pero hindi pa tapos. This look like a poor, unhygienic warehouse. May kakaibang sangsang akong naaamoy na nakakatusing.

Unti unti kong naalala ang nangyari sakin bago ako nawalan ng malay. Someone attacked and kidnapped us! Matt.

Matt.

He.. pointed a gun.. at me. He’s.. he tried to.. kill me.

Unti unting nanubig ang mata ko sa sakit, galit at takot. I can’t believe my hunch was true. That he will betray me and my family. I trusted him! How could you do this? To me? To us!

And dad. My poor daddy, kept hostage by God knows who. How did this happen?

Did we trust too much? We have tight security! Mas madami ang tao namin ngayon galing kay tito Ronin! Pano nangyari to?

Stories of Lance then echoed in my ear. Fuck! We were betrayed by what we thought our trusted family friend and yet they brought chaos to our family. Hindi ko sila mapapatawad.

And Lance. Oh no! What happened to him? Where is he?

Sinubukan kong itukod ang siko sa malamig na simento at sinuri ang paligid. I need to escape! I need to find Lance!

I felt guilty dahil nangyayari ito. He just wanted to help pero nadamay pa siya sa kung anong kasamaan ang nangyari sa pamilya ko. I’m sorry, Lance, where are you? Are you okay? Please be safe.

I sat on the cold floor and silently weeping. My chest feels so heavy. Dad. Daddy. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left you alone. I should have been by your side! I’m sorry.

“Daddy…” My palm went to my mouth as I cried silently.

I heard faint noises outside kaya agad akong nagpanic. I wanted to hide. But where? Where will I go?

I surveyed the room once more and the only option I have is either to hide behind the wood logs or to get out. If I hide here, they can easily find me. I need to get out and the only way is through the entrance kung saan mukhang lumabas yung mga lalaking naririnig ko kanina.

Napasinghap ako at tinukod ang magkabilang palad sa sahig para kumuha ng balanse makatayo. Hinahapo akong kumilos pero atlis malinaw na ang pagiisip ko. I need to get out of here. Fast!

I’m fucking wearing black heels and I’m struggling dahil lumalagutok yun sa simentadong sahig. Shit! I should take this off huh? But.. this is Versace patent leather pumps.

To fuck with that, Reina Ariane? I have hundreds of shoes at home! Stupid!

Napabuntong hininga akong hinubad ang sapatos. Hindi ko naman iiwan. Hahawakan ko nalang.. or.. maybe I can hit them with this?

Malapit nako sa may hamba pero agad akong sumandal sa gilid ng makarinig akong muli ng ingay. I tried to peek to see if it’s safe to cross. This is indeed a warehouse. They have a lot of woodwork in progress. Kita ko na ang frame ng sofa na wala pang foam at spring palang ang nakakabit.

I took a step outside at agad kong namataan ang tatlong lalaki di kalayuan. May hinihithit.

I quickly ran. As fast as I could. I heard someone shouted behind me.

“Oy! Tangina nakatakas!”

I shrieked and run faster. Hindi ko alam kung san ako dadaan. Naririnig ko silang humahabol kaya lalo akong nataranta. I took a quick turn but I saw another man approaching. Nanlaki ang mata nito ng makita ako.

“San ka-”

“No!”

I turned to the other side and run again. Naiiyak akong kagat ang labi at pinipilit labanan ang hingal sa pagtakbo. This fucking warehouse is an obstacle for me. I really need to find the exit!

Another turn and I think I lost them. I tried to craned my neck back at nakitang wala na ngang nakasunod sakin.

“Whoo!” I’m already catching my breath but I can’t stop now. I need to find the way out. Where the fuck is the exit of this fucking building?

“Ria!” I heard a familiar voice called. Mabilis akong lumingon at nakita si Lance na hinihingal na tumatakbo papunta sakin. Halos malukot ang mukha ko sa papalahaw na iyak. Agad kong tinakbo ang distansya naming dalawa.

“Lance! Oh my God! Are you a-alright? Buti n-nahanap kita. We need to get out of here!” I said hastily.

Kunot ang noo nito at malikot ang tingin. “What happened? Sinaktan kaba nila?”

Naiiyak akong umiling. “No. I.. I l-lost them.. how about y-you? Lance I’m sorry you w-were caught u-up with t-this. They.. k-kidnapped us. W-We need to g-go and find the way o-out.” Hila ko sa braso niya at nagmamadali siyang inaya na tumakbo.

“Alam ko ang daan. Tara.” Sabi nito at nilingon ang pinanggalingan. Halos makahinga ako ng maluwag sa narinig. Wala na akong inaksayang panahon at nagpatianod sakanya. Hawak ko ang suot na pumps kanina sa isang kamay habang hawak niya naman ako sa kabila. We turned to the corner and rushed to the nearest way out of here.

Then it hit me. I just realized we can’t fight these men with just the two of us. We need help getting us out of here. “Lance. Do you still have your phone or did they get it from you? I need to call dad. We’ll call for help!” Taranta ko at mayat maya nililingon ang pinanggalingan namin sakaling nakasunod ang humabol sakin kanina.

“Wala sakin ang phone ko. Halika. Dito tayo.” Kalmado nitong sabi at muli akong hinila at nilampasan namin ang tila bundok na mga sako.

My lips curled as another set of tears fell on my cheeks. Pag nakalabas kami dito. Pano na? We don’t even know where we are right now. Are we still in San Vicente? Saan kami hihingi ng tulong?

We continue running when I noticed something..

Nililingon ko ang mga nilalampasan naming machinery to cut wood. Hanggang sa makita ko ulit ang malaking pile ng kahoy sa gitna.

“L-Lance.. are you s-sure this is the way? Baka naliligaw tayo..” tuliro kong sabi habang ginagala ang paningin sa buong paligid. I swear nadaanan ko na to kanina.

“Yes. I know the place. Let’s hurry.”

I didn’t pay attention to his exact words but I trusted him because he knows where we can get the hell out of here. Mas dumikit ako sakanya habang hinahabol ang malalaki niyang hakbang. Nananakit na ang paa ko sa kakatakbo kanina. Masakit sa paa ang gaspang ng simento.

Patuloy kami sa pagtakbo.. pero dahil sobrang tuliro at takot ko eh hindi ko namalayan na naglalakad nalang pala kami. Halos manginig ako sa takot ng may namataan na lalaking palinga linga sa paligid at tila may hinahanap. Yung lalaki kanina!

I almost panicked but I didn’t want to get his attention. “Lance! May tao! Dito tayo sa kabila.” I hissed and tried to pull Lance para doon kami sa kabilang bundok ng mga hiniwang kahoy dumaan at di kami makita pero mas humigpit ang hawak niya sakin kaya natigil kami sa gitna.

“Lance. What are you doing? Come on!” Pagmamadali ko.

He pulled me again and we started walking in a different direction, thinking that we will evade the guy, buy only for us to see more men  approaching.

“No! Don’t come any further!” Nagpupumiglas na ako kay Lance at pilit sanang tatakbo para sa kabilang direksyon but we were cornered in the middle. The men are probably working here, with dirty clothes and rugged look.

Naiiyak ako muling hinabol ang paghinga sa takot. Now we’re cornered! How can we escape?

Isa-isa kong tinitignan ang mukha ng mga lalaking hindi naman gumagalaw. Tila may hinihintay at nagtitinginan.

“Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.” Dinig kong palatak ni Lance kaya napatingin ako sakanya. Naiiling itong tinitignan ng masama ang mga lalaki. You can’t seriously talk them out? We need to run!

“Diba ang sabe ko may isang magbabantay? All of you are stupid! Ang tatanga niyo!” His voice thundered and his grip on my forearm tightened.

What?

Wait.

What?

What’s.. happening…?

My brows creased but my eyes widened in shock and fear… trying to understand what’s really happening.

“Matatakasan pa kayo. Mga inutil!” Lance roared and I saw some of the men flinched.

The truth then spread to me like a wildfire as I stared at Lance’s face who’s facing the men. His.. men?

I slowly look around.. wood.. steel.. unfinished woodwork.. drafting materials, wood chisel and carver are on the rusty table not far from where we are standing..

No..

This can’t be..

I was so confused that all I can do is watch Lance clenched his jaw at these men circling around us..

“Besides, our family exports furnitures and woodwork. I think my father would want me to be more engaged in our business.”

“We are exporting furnitures and woodwork supplies domestically.”

“I just want to know if you already talked to your dad about my proposal. That’s all.”

“Pasensya na boss. Hindi na mauulit.” I heard one man responded. Fear rushed through my veins and I felt all the blood on my face dropped on my cold feet. I felt numb.

No..

This is not happening..

Lance.. why?

He turned to me with his menacing gaze but it slowly softened as he smiled sweetly.

“You almost escaped. You were so brave, Ria.”

No. I keep shaking my head as tears come running down my cheeks like a river flowing.

He tilted his head and his lips curled upwards, mocking my cries.

“Aww. Stop crying. Don’t be scared.”

Isang singhap at malakas na lagapak ang umingay sa warehouse ng dumapo ang isa kong kamay sa pisngi niya na nagpapaling ng mukha niya sa kabilang direksyon.

“You fucking bastard! What is the meaning of this?”

Spots of blood flashed on the cuts my pumps made on his cheek. I stepped on his foot and immediately pulled my left hand from his grip and run away. Away from him.

Away from this devil who made me think that he wanted to help me.

Hindi pa ako nakakalayo ay mabilis na nahablot ang magkabila kong braso.

“No! Don’t touch me! Stay away from me!” Histerikal kong iyak ng hilahin ako ng mga tauhan ni Lance paharap sakanya. He laughed mockingly as he watched me cry for my life.

“Tsk. Tsk. There’s no escaping, Ria. Saan ka pupunta?” Pinilig nito ang ulo at tinaasan ako ng isang kilay, nakapamulsang nakatayo sa harap ko.

Sinubukan kong magpumiglas at iwasiwas ang sapatos ko pero masyadong mahigpit ang pagkakahawak sakin ng dalawang lalaki sa gilid ko. All I can do is cry and give Lance dagger eyes. Muling umalingawngaw ang halakhak ni Lance.

“You tricked me. How could you. I trusted you! I trusted you, you fucking bastard!” Nagpupumadyak kong angil sa nakangisi niyang pagmumukha.

He sighed and stared at his feet, with his evil smirk still plastered on his bastard’s face.

“Who are you calling a bastard? I’m not. I’m the son and heir of Councilor Dela Vega. And you…”

Muli akong nagpumiglas at napaatras ng unti unti siyang humakbang hanggang sa mapalapit sakin. Gigil ko siyang tiningala.

“You are nothing but an orphan’s child. You’re not even a real Montecarlo. Their blood is not the one running through your veins. You’re just lucky that Mr. Montecarlo even raised you as his own.”

I sniffed and swallowed hard as my vision is slowly getting blurry. Hayop ka.

Umiiyak ako sa galit ng marinig ko ang pagkalam ng sikmura ko. Lance pursed his lips and his eyes widened a fraction before he chuckled.

“Ibalik niyo siya dun stockroom at igapos niyo. Sa susunod na makatakas iyan, kayo ang mananagot sakin.”

The men holding me captive nodded and abruptly pulled me back to where I regained my consciousness.

“Tulong! Help! Help me!”

I tried to shout on top of my lungs. Halos hindi na sumasayad ang paa ko sa lupa sa pagpupumiglas pero bitbit parin ako ng dalawang lalaki.

“Help! Help me please..” nauubos kong daing. Lance’s sinister laugh echoed to the place.

Wala akong nagawa ng sinalampak nila ako ulit sa malamig na simentong hinigaan ko kanina. They used rope to tie my hands. Kahit na magpumiglas ako at manipa ay matagumpay nila akong nagapos. Dalawang lalaki ang nakatayo ngayon sa magkabilang hamba para magbantay kung tatakas ba ako.

Sunod na pumasok ang isang lalaki na may dalang pagkain. With fuming anger, I shooed the man away. Fuck you, Lance! How dare you offer me food after kidnapping me!

Agad lang akong nagsisi ng lumabas ang lalaki. I’m crying my eyes out as I shiver in fear. What will happen to me now? Why me? What does Lance want from me?

Nakatungo akong sumisinghot habang tuloy tuloy ang bagsak ng luha sa nananakit kong pulsuhan.

Dad… Daddy.. please help me.. I’m scared.. find me, please.

Hindi alintana ang gutom at pagod ay tuloy lang ako sa pagiyak. Sumandal ako sa mga nakasalansang kahoy at nakaidlip nadin kakaiyak.

I twitched as I gasped for air when a splash of cold water hit my face. Basang basa ang blouse ko. Hinihingal kong hinawi ng nakataling kamay ang mukha.. kung saan tumambad sakin ang matandang lalaki.

It’s him! That vendor!

“Nagkita tayong muli. Sabi na at bilog talaga ang mundo. Tignan mo at nasan ka ngayon.” Malademonyo niyang ngisi.

Scared, umatras ako at pilit siniksik ang sarili sa sinasandalang kahoy.

“Pasalamat ka at mabait si boss. Pakakainin kapa. Spoiled kang talaga.” Sabi niya sabay pakita ng tray na may platong kanin at hindi ko kilalang ulam.

I don’t know what time is it at hindi ko makita ang watch ko dahil sa nakataling kamay, pero muli kong naramdaman ang pagkalam ng sikmura ko sa sinabi niya.

Even is despair, I held my chin up high with pride. “I’m not eating that garbage. Get out! Out!” I shouted at his face.

Bigla akong nangilabot ng rumehistro ang gigil sa mukha ng vendor. I tried to kick and pushed my back on the wood logs.

Padarag niyang binagsak ang tray ng pagkain kaya tumaob ito sa sahig. My mouth almost watered and regret filled me quickly. I heard my stomach growl.

“Talagang inggrata ka ano? Sige. Tignan natin ang tayog ng yabang mo pag namatay ka sa gutom.”

Kadkad tsinelas siyang naglakad palabas ng silid. Masakit na ang mata ko pero muling tumulo ang luha ko sa awa sa sarili. I stared at the spilled food on the floor. Napasinghap akong yumuko sa mga tuhod.

How long should I stay here? I want to go home.

My lips are dry. I’m tired, cold and starving. Muli kong nakatulugan ang gutom at pagiyak.

I knew that my body wants me to sleep but my mind is telling me otherwise. Wala nakong lakas kaya talagang nahuhulog ako sa pagtulog pero pilit akong ginigising ng diwa ko.

Rough and calloused hands are caressing my legs. I can hear someone sniffing. I wanted to open my eyes.

Am I dreaming? Or am I hallucinating because of hunger?

How I wish it was all but a dream. That I was never in this fucked up situation with nowhere to go nor to escape.

I can feel someone breathing on top of me. It stinks and with that weird strong scent, lalo akong nahihilo.

It’s my instinct kicked me to wake up. Kahit namimigat ang mata ko ay dumilat. Kaya ganun nalang ang pagsisigaw ko ng nagmulat ako sa mukha ng lalaking dilat na dilat ang mata at may maldemonyong ngisi. Ang kamay ay kung saan saan dumadapo sa katawan ko.

I kicked him in the groin that made him groaned in pain. Mabilis akong umupo at umusod palayo sakanya.

“What the fuck! Stay away from me!” I screamed.

Mabilis na nakabawi ang lalaki at nanlilisik ang matang tumingin sakin. He looks skinny and dirty. Maitim. Madilaw ang ngipin. Mabaho.

Muli siyang lumapit at hinila ang kamay kong nakatali. Pilit ako pumipiglas pero nadilaan niya padin ang braso ko.

I feel so digusted and violated. This is too much. “Stop! Let go of me! Don’t touch me!”

“Tangina sarap mo. Wag kanang maginarte. Saglit lang to.” Nanginginig nitong sabi habang nanlilisik ang tingin sakin. Disgusting. Pilit akong nagsisipa para makalayo ang mama. Nanginginig ako sa takot at kaba.

“Help! Help! Somebody!” I shouted. I keep on shouting and making loud noises while crying. I can’t let this man violate me.

He pulled my tied hands again making him had a swift access to my neck. Mabilis gumapang ang nakakadiri niyang dila doon.

“Fuck you! Putangina mo lumayo ka sakin!!”

Pinagtutulakan ko ang mama ngunit masyado siyang aggresibo at malakas. I didn’t even realize that I already peed on myself because of terror.

“Lumayo ka! Nakakadiri ka!”

I was able to punch the man’s jaw kaya naiwas niya ang mukha niya sakin ng kaonting espasyo, pero bago pa siya makalapit ay nakarinig ako ng nakakabinging paghampas.

I gasped. My mouth opened widely as I watched the man in front of me fell after being hit on his head, eyes still opened but his nose is now bleeding.

I screamed. The man almost raped me is now lifeless. Dumudugo ang sugat sa ulo at may tumulo ding dugo sa ilong.

Kusang tumulo ang luha ko at tinulak ang sarili sa sinasandalan. I looked up and saw Lance, with a baseball bat, watching the man he killed on the floor.

I shut my eyes harshly. This is traumatizing. I just want this to stop. Everything. I want to go home.

“Ang susunod na hindi susundin ang utos ko, matutulad sa kupal na to. Naiintindihan niyo?” I flinched when I heard Lance’s order.

I felt a warm hand touched my arm and I immediately twitched. “No! Don’t touch me!” Nanantiling pikit at umiiling na siniksik ang sarili sa sinasandalan. Please.. just don’t..

“Ria.”

Slowly, I opened my eyes and with blurry vision, I saw Lance sitting in front of me.

“W-Why.. are y-you doing t-this…”

He pouted as he stared at me meaningfully.

“You’ll know soon enough. Come. You’ll stay in my office.” He invited me to his office and gently pulled my arm but I refused. I stared at him with dagger eyes and gritted teeth.

“No. I want to go home. Let. Me. Go. Lance.” I said firmly.

Acting shocked, he turned to me before chuckling without humor. “Not so fast. You will go home.. on my terms.”

Naiwan ang pumps ko ng haltakin niya ako kaya napakaladkad akong tumayo at napalakad kasunod niya.

Wala ng sense kung magsisigaw ako kaya binabrasuhan ko nalang sya habang hila hila niya ang tali sa kamay ko. Agad naman sumunod ang mga tao niyang nasa paligid.

“Let me go you bastard! I’ll tell you to the authorities! Mananagot ka sa ginawa mo!”

We went inside a more decent-looking room. Air-conditioned, minimal furnitures, and a large rectangular table made of Narra with Lance’s name on the acrylic name plate.

He made me sat on a wooden chair in front of his desk habang umikot siya sa may mesa niya.

“Ipasok niyo yung pagkain niya.” Aniya.

A man entered holding a silver tray with my plate on it. Agad akong nagngitngit.

“I won’t eat. I won’t take anything from you, asshole. Let me go!” Asik ko.

He just tilted his head and made face. “But you need to eat. How can I talk to your dad about my terms if you’re on a vegetative state?” His brow cocked up.

Naamoy ko ang halimuyak ng bagong lutong ulam kaya mabilis kumalam ang sikmura ko. I swallowed hard. I’m miserable. I reek of that dead man’s stink, his disgusting tongue grazed on my skin. I feel squishy because of sweat and my pee down there.

I just want this to end. Please.

“This won’t happen if you only let me partner with your company. Together, imagine how our empire will rise to the top.” Ngising aso nito.

I gritted my teeth as I pierced my dagger eyes at him. “I won’t let you win, Lance. Whatever your plan is, it won’t work. You will be caught. My dad will kill you.” Gigil at may diin kong sabi.

Mabilis rumehistro ang galit sa demonyo niyang mukha ngunit agad din napalitan iyon ng ngisi. Napatingala ito at nakapamewang na humalakhak.

You’re crazy. I didn’t realize.. there’s something wrong with you. I’m so naive.

“Really now? I doubt that. Kahit hindi ka galing kay Enrico Montecarlo, anak ang turing niya sayo. He’ll willingly do my bidding just to get you back, for sure.”

Agad kong naisip si dad. How are you? Is it true that you were hostage? Or was it also part of Lance’s plan to deceive me of coming with him?

Then there’s Matt.. my poor bodyguard. Ngayon lang sakin nagsink in.. na he was trying to protect me.. from Lance.

He was not pointing his gun at me, but to this devil standing in front of me with his evil grin.

Nahihilo nako sa gutom dagdag pa ang katotohanang unti unti kong napoproseso. Sa babala ni Matt, sa kwento ni Lance tungkol sa kaibigan niya.. na duda ko ay hindi totoo. Sinabi niya lang iyon para pagdudahan ko ang bodyguard ko.

“Hah! You will choose that mother fucking Rodriguez than me? Well. Let’s see kung talagang matutuloy ang inaasam nilang merging, kung magising pa siya.”

I blinked back to reality at unti unting nanlaki ang mata sa narinig. What?

Wait.

His evil laughed echoed in the room once again. “Surprised? Don’t worry, humihinga pa naman ang boyfriend mo. Though I’m sure he’s critical.” He said at muling tumawa na mala demonyo.

He’s crazy. He’s mad crazy.

Napasinghap ako at natakot kasabay ng bagong namumuong luha. What is he talking about? Does he know about Anton and I?

But.. Anton is in Spain, yes? So…

I tried to appeal strong and held my chin up as I rested my back on the backrest when he approached my chair. Tinukod niya ang magkabilang kamay sa armrest at yumuko sa harap ko.

“Tsk. Tsk. Trying to keep your secret relationship? Hah! It’s time for the Rodriguez to go down. Mas malaking pera ang kikitain natin kung magsososyo ang pamilya nating dalawa. You should have chosen me, Ria. Tsk. Tsk.” Naiiling ito.

So he knows? He had me followed. Was that his men?

Or is he luring me again for another information? Ayoko ng may madamay sa kahayupan niya. I need to be smart when facing this devil.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about-”

“Oh bullshit!” Nagwawala nitong hampas sa armrest kaya napapitlag ako at napapikit sa gulat.

“My sources said that many supported your relationship with that fucker Rodriguez in your recent party. Your client even talked to Amer Rodriguez personally to be their supplier. Ang sabi ko diba kami ang irekomenda mo?”

Napadaing ako ng pisilin niya ang pisngi ko ng isang kamay. I tried to shake my head but his grip is so strong and painful.

“Ang ayoko sa lahat eh ang hindi tumutupad sa usapan. And because you have been a very very bad.. girl, you should take the consequences of your action.”

I grunted and tried to free myself from his grip pero pinilig niya ang mukha ko paharap sakanya.

“Bakit ba ang dami dami niyong humaling na humaling sa gagong iyon? When there’s me.. smart, studious, and have dreams for my family business. Between him and I, I’m the best option for you. I can bring you to the top, siya basketball lang ang ambag!”

Wait a second.

I don’t know if Anton play ball, but is he referring to..

Oh my God.

“W-What did you do to.. A-Amiel..” I tried to gauge if my hunch is right. Mula sa galit na mukha ay bumalik ang ngisi sakanya. He stood snappily and tumalikod sakin. Nagsalin siya ng scotch sa glass na nasa mesa.

“Well.. he kinda got what he deserves.. for messing up with my plans.”

Oh no.. oh my God. A-Amiel?

I exhaled through my mouth as I tried to process what he confirmed. Though I’m thankful that Anton is safe.. but Amiel!

He’s mistaken. Akala niya magkarelasyon kami ni Amiel?

“Fuck you! What did you do to him? Bakit ka nandadamay ng ibang tao?”

Amiel. Lance said he’s critical? Was he… beaten.. to death? I don’t know. What did they do? How did they get into him in the first place? Tanda kong wala pa sa classroom si Amiel nung umalis kami ni Lance.

He turned to me with the lip of the glass he’s holding is against his lips. Tumaas ang isang kilay niya.

“Actually, this matter is between our companies. And you.. are just a mere.. collateral damage.”

What? What the hell are you saying? I thought.. so I was kidnapped.. so.. what’s this?

He chuckled meaningfully. “Enough with the chitchat. I’ll tell you my plans soon.. but first, you need to eat.”

Binaba niya sa mesa ang tinunggang baso ng alak at nakapamulsang pinagmasdan ang ayos kong nakagapos. “Help yourself. It’s time for the Montecarlo princess to work hard for what she wants. If you want to see your dad again.” Nakangisi niyang sambit.

His phone rang at sabay kaming napatingin doon sa mesa. I watched him picked up the call and walked out of his office, kasunod ng isang lalaki na pumasok para magbantay.

I took a deep breath to calm myself from everything that’s happening. Napalunok akong nilingon ang tray ng pagkain sa center table.

As much as I’m starving, I can’t trust Lance anymore. It could be poisoned or drugged. I can’t risk it.

But if I didn’t eat or drink, I don’t think I can survive this hell I caught myself with more than a day.

“Hindi kapa din kakain? Magmamatigas kapa din?” I heard a familiar voice and when I turned, I saw that rugged vendor leaning on the door with arms crossed, smiling at me.

I sniffed and looked at the decent plate of rice and meal. I smirked sarcastically and held my hands in the air. “Are you stupid? How am I supposed to eat with this?”

Saglit niyang tinignan ang nakatali kong kamay. “Edi habhabin mo ang pagkain. Mahirap ba iyon? Masyado ka kasing maarte.”

I gave him a death stare. Kahit pa na kumukulo ang dugo ko sakanya ay hindi ako basta basta pwedeng sumagot. I need to be careful. I already accepted the fact that they are keeping me here, for whatever reason that I’m about to find out.

I just want to try my luck. Or maybe it’s still my pride that doesn’t want me to swim in mud. “Do you know what will happen to all of you if something happens to me? Kung mawalan ako ng malay dahil hindi ako makakain ng maayos, I wonder what Lance will do to all of you.” I said in full might and authority, hoping I can instill fear.

I thought it worked, pero mas lumapad lang ang nakakaloko niyang ngisi. “Wala ka sa mansyon niyo. Walang susunod sa mga gusto mo dito.”

Napasinghap ako at muntik ng mawalan ng pagasa. Just..

“Fine! Pero pag may nangyari sakin dahil hindi ako makakain ng maayos. I hope your boss gets his plan worked out.” I shrugged. Kung di nga gagana ang panguuto ko, how can I eat with my hands tied? I stared at the utensils on the table, can I hold them?

I heard him groaned. Kita ko ang mabilis na pagbago ng reaction ng vendor. Kumunot ang noo nito at umigting ang panga. One look at the food on the center table and he called someone outside to untie me.

Yes! It worked! Oh my God!

Although I wanted to celebrate, I tried to keep my poker face and be nonchalant. Ikom ang bibig at pirmi akong nakaupo pero naririnig ko silang nagbubulungan at nagtatalo sa pintuan.

Sa huli, kinalagan ako ng mama na pumasok para dalawa silang nagbabantay sakin ngayon sa pagkain. I don’t mind. I’m really starving, God, please have this free from poison.

Uncomfortable, I managed to finish my plate. Inubos ko din ang baso ng tubig. Uhaw padin ako pero ayos na ito. Mabagal lang ang paghinga ko at simpleng pinapansin kung may pagbabago ba, kung may mangyayari sakin dahil sa kinain ko.

“Tol ano? Tapos naba daw kumain? Hanap ni boss.” Dinig kong may nagtanong sa labas. Lilingon palang ako pero agad akong nahaltak nung mamang tindero at binalik ang gapos ko. Pagkatapos ay hinila nila ako palabas.

Para akong gusgusin sa uniform ko, nakayapak at madungis na naglalakad kasama nila.

I saw Lance from afar speaking to an old lady, another accomplice? Give me a break.

Dear God, please put an end to this. Tulungan nyo po ako.

Tumikhim ang vendor sa tabi at ngumisi. Lance craned his neck and acknowledged my presence. I took a quick glance at the older woman he’s speaking with. Who’s she?

“Ria! Just in time. You see, I have a surprise for you.” Nakapamulsa niyang harap sakin sabay giya sa ginang kaya kumunot ang noo ko.

She has fair skin, wavy brown hair, chinky eyes with dark circles, slightly skinny on her cheap shirt and faded jeans.

“Monica, this is Ria, my very important guest. Ria, I want you to meet Monica Salvacion.”

Nakagiya ang kamay ni Lance sa ere at humakbang ang ginang na sinusuri ang mukha ko. I got a weird feeling on this.

“Your real mother.” Halos makulele ako sa matinis na ingay na nagpablangko ng utak ko. Napatulala ako sa ginang na hilaw na ngumisi.

“Rein anak. Ako ito ang mama mo.”

Rein.

No. No. What is this? Another part of your stupid prank? To deceive me?

“W-What are you s-saying, Lance? Mommy d-died days b-before I was b-born.” It’s painful to recall the truth but I certainly don’t know this woman claiming to be my mother.

Saglit na pumirmi ito at tumingin kay Lance na ngayon ay humalakhak. “I mean your biological mother. Monica is your surrogate mother, Ria.”

What?

I stared at the woman in front of me, but I can’t see any resemblance. I took most of my features from mommy.

Is this true?

I know that I’m a product of surrogacy, but how in hell is my surrogate mother conspiring with this devil to kidnap me?

Is she.. even my.. biological mother?

Growing up and understanding how I was born, I never longed for a new mother aside from mommy, and I know that their agreement is for the surrogate mother to never show up or have claims with parenting.

“Hindi ka naniniwala? Ask her. She can show you the documents.”

I licked my dry lips and stared blankly, I can’t fall for any of his traps again. I need to think.

But..

What if?

“Totoo Rein. Ako ang nakuhang surrogate mother noon ng ama mo. Ako ang nagluwal sayo anak.” Pagsusumamo nito.

Anger boiled inside me. I pursed my lips and tilted my head, “If what you say is true, then what the hell are you doing here? Why are you with this bastard?” I spat.

Napalabi ito at di nakasagot. Lance burst to laughter. I’m starting to get annoyed if not already.

“Well.. it’s time for us to tell a good backstory.”

Lumakad si Lance at agad na sumunod sakanya ang ginang kahit na naiwan ang tingin nito sakin.

“Lakad. Bilis.” The rugged vendor pushed me. Asshole!

Tumigil kami sa mga nagtatrabahong tauhan. Kahit na lumilingon samin ay hindi sila tumitigil marahil na din sa takot kay Lance.

I watch them carved the wood, add springs and foam to a sofa, ng may nakapukaw ng atensyon ko.

Isang lalaki ang naglagay ng ilang nakapack na may kulay puti sa loob ng sofa, bago niya ito siniksikan ng padding.

Is that?

“This is how our business grows. We are not only exporting furnitures and woodwork, we are also selling them.. goods.”

Drugs.

He’s dealing.. drugs. I can’t identify which, pero hula ko ay droga ito.

Ganun din ang ginawa nila sa nakataob na mesa, na nilatagan ng mga nakapack na drugs bago iseseal ng plywood na ilalim ng mesa.

“Man the business is tough, but we have high demands, and if we work together, imagine our capabilities. Our endless opportunities to grow.” Tila hibang na wika ni Lance.

I can’t believe it. Does the councilor know about this? Na merong illegal sa negosyo nila?

If he is, then he’s one corrupt government official.

Sinenyasan ni Lance ang isang lalaki at nagbigay sakanya ng straw, foil at lighter.

He’s taking it. He’s doing drugs. I witnessed it firsthand how he puff from the straw after lighting the foil with drugs.

This is bad. I’m in grave danger more than I think I am. I really need to escape. But how?

Halos itakip ko ang nakataling kamay sa masangsang na amoy. I surveyed the room and some men are sitting doing drugs too.

What shook me is when Lance gave his to Monica, my surrogate mother, he says.

She looked hesitant when she glanced at me, but still took it from Lance and hit it.

Oh my God.

“Your surrogate mother was a hotelier when she got a deal with your family, to be a surrogate mother. She was paid a huge amount of money for her to carry the Montecarlo heir in her womb.”

Pinanood ko silang unti unting nagbabago ang tingin.. high and intoxicated after a couple of puffs.

Even the rugged vendor, who is looking at me intently while hitting the drugs he got after Monica.

“Of course, your stupid of a mother was later on indulged in Casino. Nagpakasasa itong ina mo sa limpak limpak na milyones ng daddy mo kaya nalulong sa sugal at tuluyang nabaon sa utang.”

Monica stared at me while blowing the smoke. Halos inis, awa at diri ang naramdaman ko. You were paid millions and yet you chose this kind of life. I pity you.

“She started doing my illegal biddings, to compensate with her debt. Kapalit ng buhay niya eh ang pagtulong sakin mabawi ang pera ko.” Ngisi ni Lance na mariin ang titig sakin.

“And then there’s you.” I took a step back when he walked towards me.

“I learned about you from her. Ikaw ang susi ng pagangat ng negosyo ko. Ikaw din ang susi para matulungan mo ang nanay mo makabayad ng utang niya.”

Ransom. I knew it. I was kidnap for ransom. I can only imagine the figures he will ask to dad in exchange of my life.

“You know, taking you was not easy. Your father had excellent security and intelligence that we cannot infiltrate. That’s why I just plotted a mole in your mansion to know your whereabouts. So I can stalk you myself.”

Pero dahil mga inutil nato at hindi maaasahan.“ Lance jerked at his people, “eh halos ako na ang gumawa lahat ng paraan. Man I even have to go to school where you are studying just to get close to you.”

This was all planned. The vendor showing up whenever I go out at night, those men lurking at me in public, and him, I first met him in a bar where he approached me first. This was all staged.

Agad kong iniwas ang mukha sa kamay niyang dumampi sa pisngi ko. Umigting ang panga niya bago ngumisi. “Good thing, you are so naive. A pushover. Napakabilis mong maniwala. Mas napabilis ang plano ko kung ako nalang pala ang gumawa.”

“Hayop ka. Magbabayad ka sa ginawa mo.”

He smiled evilly. “You know, my mind actually changed. I planned to genuinely partnering with you instead. Hindi naman tayo aabot sa ganito kung tinulungan mo akong makuha ang mga kliyente niyo.”

“That will never happen. What you are doing is illegal. I should’ve known better and not to trust you. Tama lang na hindi pumayag si daddy.”

Lalo siyang nagngitngit sa sinabi ko kaya agad kong natutop ang aking labi. I groaned when he pinched my cheeks and held my face up, “Really? Look at where you are now? Still my hostage. Pinahirapan mo lang ang sarili mo.”

“W-What do y-you want…”

“Ahh.. yes. Let’s talk about my terms.” Padarag niyang binitawan ang mukha ko at muling tumalikod para muling magsindi.

I watched his back as he stared at the ceiling after blowing the smoke. I coughed as I can’t take the smell. It’s intoxicating.

“Obviously we cannot work with you anymore after this so.” He turned to me with menacing eyes “He will wire me five hundred million on my back account. And another two hundred million kung susunduin ka niya dito sa warehouse. To get you back. Alive.”

I shivered in fear. I swallowed hard and sniffed. “The a-authorities will c-come your way. Y-You will l-lose-”

“Oh no. Certainly your daddy will be the only one speaking to me. Dahil kung hindi siya tutupad.. well.. say hello to your mother in heaven, yeah?”

Napasinghap ako at halos magpigil hinga ng humugot siya ng baril. Minwestra pang tinutok sa sentido niya at umarteng binaril ang sarili at pinilig ang ulo.

“All you need to do is make a phone call, Ria. A phone call that will either save you, or lead you to your grave.” He smiled brightly with his pearl-white teeth but all I can feel is fear.

Sa utos niya ay kinaladkad ako pabalik sakanyang opisina. Halos lango ako sa nalanghap na usok kaya ubo na ako ng ubo. Pinaupo niya ako at sinalaysay kung paano niya kakausapin si daddy at kung ano lang ang pwede kong sabihin. He said dad knows by now who is he dealing with.

“I’ll let you talk to your dad. But remember to follow my plan, Ria. Or else..” he ordered as he handed me a keypad phone. Nanginginig akong tinanggap iyon habang tahimik na umiiyak. Nakatayo siya sa tabi ng upuan ko.. habang nakatutok ang baril niya sa ulo ko.

Ilang singhot at paglinga sa paligid ay natutuliro ako sa takot. Hindi alam ang gagawin. His men are alert and balling their eyes out, Monica too who looks at me indifferently. I shut my eyes tightly as I felt the cold tip of his gun on my temple.

“I-I’ll d-do it..”

“Good. Now call him.” He said lowly. Nanginginig akong tinipa ang numero ni daddy at pinindot ang dial button.

I sniffed and burst to tears. It only took one ring before dad answered. “Hello?” He answered with urgency.

“D-Daddy..” Iyak ko kay daddy.

I heard him sigh “Reina. Thank God. Where are you princess? Where-”

I’m about to respond when Lance pushed the gun on my temple and took the phone from my hand.

“Good evening, Mr. Montecarlo. Listen to me. I have your daughter and if you want to get her back, you’ll have to do as I say.” He said enthusiastically.

“Yes. Very good. You read my mind, Mr. Montecarlo. I’ll send you my bank account number.”

He chuckled without humor. “Not so fast, Mr. Montecarlo. Yes. You will get her back, alive, kung wala kang pagsasabihan ng paguusapan natin. I understand that this call might be wiretapped, so I need you to do this alone. Wala kang tulong na hihingin sa pulis o sa security ng pamilya niyo. Nagkakaintindihan po ba tayo?”

Lance licked his lips as he stared at me while listening on the other line. Sinuklay niya ang buhok ko gamit ang baril kaya bahagya akong umiwas. “Mabuti at mabilis po kayong kausap. Pero hindi lang iyon. I’ll send you her location. You’ll get her back tomorrow night alone, without reinforcements, with two hundred million at hand. But you’ll have to transfer five hundred million first on my account. Let’s do business. Isn’t it wise to secure a downpayment before you get the deal? What do you think?”

Ngising aso itong tumatango tango. I weeped as I can’t hear dad’s voice. What is he saying? Will.. he agree?

In this life I realized I’ve been a burden to daddy. Yes. He spoiled me with my caprices, I gave him tons of headaches, and yet with what Lance said..

I’m not a real Montecarlo. I’m a charity case from my dead biological parent. Naiiyak akong isipin na ako ang maghihila kay daddy pababa sa sitwasyon ko. I’m so stupid. He’s lose a lot of money if he will get me back.

What if he won’t? I know that he loves me dearly, but..

“Oh and one more thing, since it’s dumb to push of having partnership with you after all this, why not just hold all the supplies coming from Rodriguez Industries instead to your ongoing projects? I’d really appreciate it if you do that. Sounds good?”

“That would be all. Remember Mr. Montecarlo, this matter is only between us. That is if you want to get her back, breathing.”

Habol habol ko ang paghinga ng tinapat muli sakin ni Lance ang telepono. With blurry vision due to unending tears, I looked up and saw him motioned me to talk on the phone. Nanginginig akong tinapat yun sa tenga.

“D-Dad?”

“Princess. Please be safe. Promise me you’ll be safe. I’ll get you back whatever it takes.”

Lalo akong nanlumo at humagulgol. “D-Daddy.  I-I’m scared.. please h-help me-”

Nabitin ang sasabihin ko ng muling kunin ni Lance ang phone. “That should be enough proof. Pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Montecarlo.” He said at agad na pinatay ang tawag.

My hand went to my mouth to suppress my sobs. Please help me. I want to go home.

Sobrang lutang ko ng binalik nila ako sa silid na pinagtaguan sakin. It’s past ten yet I’m still crying my eyes out in agony while sitting on the cold floor.

Sa takot na muling may magtangka ay kahit na pagod at namimigat ang mata ay pinipilit kong maging gising. I need to guard myself.

Though even if I tried, I still fell asleep. Hindi ko na alam kung anong oras ako nakatulog. Nagising nalang ako ng may maramdaman ako sa binti ko. Someone’s talking.

Still groggy, I tried to feel the surrounding.

“Huy. Gising. Gumising ka hoy.” A feminine voice resonated. I felt someone kicked me on my leg.

“Mmm.” I groaned. I wanted to say 5 minutes more but I have no strength. Ito talagang si manang.

“Lando. Amina yang tubig.”

“Regine. Malalagot tayo kay boss-”

Nawala ang narinig kong naguusap pero napabalikwas ako ng gising ng maramdaman ang malamig ng tubig sa mukha ko.

I gasped and surveyed the room. Shit. This is not a dream. I looked up preparing myself to explode when I was stopped.

“Good morning ha.” She said sarcastically.

Anger boiled in me. “You. You! What are you doing here, you bitch?”

She smirked evilly. While the rugged vendor with her is eyeing the both of us.

Wasn’t she fired? The nerve of this bitch to show her face to me.

But then I remember..

Didn’t Lance say that he planted a mole.. in our mansion?

I stared at the face of the cheap ass thief in front of me. And figured…

“Nakuha ka din? Aww. May pagkauto uto ka daw kasi eh?”

The vendor chuckled discreetly behind her. I gritted my teeth.

“And you? You were his accomplice! We treated you well in our home and all you did was conspiring with that asshole!”

The vendor laughed mockingly. “Matuto ka namang gumalang sa mas nakakatanda sayo.”

I tilted my head and raised my brow cockily, “Hah. Like all of you deserves respect?” I spat.

The thief house help crouched and smirked at me. “Oo. Dahil mas matanda ako sayo. Ate mo ako gaga.” My brows furrowed. I glanced at the vendor who raised his brow at me, challenging.

“Maswerte ka lang. Iyong kapatid mo naghihirap.” I remember.

Is she? With who? D-Dad?

Impossible.

Kasabay ng panlalaki ng mata ko ay ang pagpaling ng mukha ko sa kaliwa. My right cheek hurt because of her slap. How dare she! I turned to her snappily with dagger eyes and gritted teeth.

“Sakit mong manampal ha. Bitch.” She jerked.

Napadaing ako ng muling pumaling sa kabilang direksyon ang pisngi ko. You’re lucky my hands are tied. Kung hindi ay baka nakalbo kitang hayup ka.

“Bitch. Wait until I get myself free from this. You’ll get more than a scratch!”

She’s about to raise her hand in the air when she was stopped.

“Regine. Tama na yan. Mananagot tayo kay boss kapag nakitang magpasa iyan. Amputi pa naman niyan.”

I sniffed and took a deep breath. Kanina pa kita pinagsasampal sa isip ko hayup ka.

“Kung hindi lang talaga namin kelangan ni mama. Sabe ko naman kasi akitin ko nalang yung tatay neto. Ilang taon ng tigang yun. Nahuthutan sana namin ng pera para makaalis kami dito.”

This bitch! I clenched my jaw in disgust with how she speaks about my dad.

“How dare you speak about my dad that way! He will never be into you! You’re sickening! You should rot in hell!” My voice thundered.

“Hindi ka sigurado diyan. Sa tikas palang ng ama mo mukhang malibog-”

“Regine.”

All of us turned at the doorway when Monica, my biological mother, called her.

“Ma.” The bitched startled.

She stared at her before she glanced at where I am sitting. She grinned. “Rein. Ito pala si Regine. Ate mo. Anak ko sa pagkadalaga.”

I swallowed the quick relief when I realized that I really judged daddy about cheating on mommy. So.. she’s my half-sister.. sa mother side.

I inhaled and stayed alert. Nakatali ang kamay ko kaya madali nilang magagawa kung ano gusto nila sakin dito. I need to stay guarded.

Monica took steps closer and I pushed myself back. Ewan ko. I should be happy that I met my biological mother, pero wala akong maramdaman kundi galit para sakanilang lahat.

“Salamat Rein. Alam kong mahal na mahal ka ni Mr. Montecarlo kaya hindi ka pababayaan nun. Kailangan ko talaga ng malaking pera.”

Agad akong nagngitngit. “You’re stupid. You had a bright future ahead of you yet you let yourself lost in gambling and drugs. You should be ashamed of yourself.”

“Aba’t! Tarantadang kang bakla ka-”

“Regine.” Suway nito at bumuntong hininga. Hindi ko mabasa ang naninimbang na tingin. “Bahala kang magalit. Pero mas mabuting wag kanang manlaban at sumunod sa plano ni Mr. Dela Vega, para makaalis tayong lahat dito ng buhay.”

They eventually left me alone when I ignored them trying to make a casual talk with me. Ang kakapal ng mga mukha.

They served my breakfast and lunch. May nagbabantay sakin dahil kinalagan nila ako para makakain ng maayos. Binabalik nila ang rope pagtapos kong kumain. Sinamahan din nila akong magcr kanina.

I don’t know what time is it but I know it’s been hours after I took my lunch. Madilim na siguro. I was tired and resting while staring at my cold feet when Lance walked in the room hastily, panting and angry.

I groaned when he immediately pulled my arm to stand. “Anong sinabi mo sa daddy mo?”

I shivered. “W-What? I don’t-”

“Did you give him coded messages?”

“I-I don’t k-know. S-Sinabi ko lang a-ang gusto m-mo-”

Napadaing ako ng mas dumiin ang kapit niya sa braso ko. “Are you sure? Don’t make a fool out of me, Ria. Your father only has an hour left to get you. The transfer was unsuccessful. It bounced. Fuck!”

Napasinghap ako. Did.. daddy changed.. his mind? Will.. he not.. take me back?

Napasinghot ako dahil sa bigat ng dibdib. “Call him. Fucking call him!”

“I d-don’t have a pho-” nabitin sa ere ang sasabihin ko ng hilahin niya ako palabas.

“Lance. I’ll call d-dad. I’ll see what’s going on. P-Please..” I pleaded. I don’t know where he is taking me.

“Check the vicinity! Inform me if there’s suspicious movements. Anything! Now!” His voice echoed and his security in white polo moved quickly.

Kita ko din ang tinginan ng mga tauhan niya sa warehouse. “Armed yourselves. Where’s Monica?”

“Nasa labas po.” Sagot ng isang lalaking nakasando. Mukhang high pa.

“Tawagin mo. Pati si Lando. Bilis!”

Nasapo ni Lance ang noo at pabalik balik sa harap ko. Nakagat ko ang labi sa kaba at tensyon. My toes curled as my breathing hitched when I saw him pulled a gun on his back.

Napasinghap ako at napapikit ng nanginginig niyang tinutok sakin ang baril. “I won’t fail. Hindi. Hindi ako papayag.”

“Mr. Dela Vega.” A woman’s voice called him kaya sabay kaming lumingon.

“You! What did you do?” Sabay duro ni Lance kay Monica ng baril. Tuliro ito at tila nahihibang.

“S-Sir? Huminahon kayo. Nasa labas lang-”

“Aaaah!” Lance screamed frustratingly as he covered his face with his palm.

Inis niyang kinamot ang batok. “Get me another burner phone. Now!” Utos niya sa natirang security.

I jumped when he turned to me snappily. He smirked without humor. “We’ll do this again, okay? Call your dad, asked him where the fuck is he and my money, or if he has plans on getting you so I can shoot you in the head instead!” I trembled as his voice echoed in the warehouse.

Padarag niyang inabot sakin ang keypad phone na binigay ng kadarating lang na security. Nanginginig kong dinial ang numero ni dad sa taranta.

Hindi ko pa napipindot ang call ng may narinig kaming komusyon sa malayo.

“Boss! Boss!”

“Yung Montecarlo nasa labas! Nagsisisigaw!”

Halos mapigil ko ang hininga sa kusang pagtulo ng luha. Daddy? Is it you?

“May kasama. Dalawang lalaki. Nagwawala doon sa labas!”

“Boss!”

Fuck. No. This will ruin it. No!

“Putangina!!!” Angil ni Lance.

“Boss! Mukhang may respo. May namataan kaming sasakyan-”

Narinig ko si Monica. “Kakausapin ko si Mr. Montecarlo. Sabe ko sayo uto uto yun-”

“Shut up! Shut up! Fucking shut up!” Nagpupumadyak na si Lance at napangiwi habang hinihimas ang sentido.  He’s losing it. He’s really crazy. I’m in danger. Dad.

I twitched when I heard shots are being fired. Probably outside. Lalo akong naiyak. Daddy. Please be safe.

All his men spread out. Natira lang ang ilan niyang bodyguard.

“Sir-”

“You! Kasalanan mo to! Wala kang silbi!” A loud bang resonated kasabay ng malakas kong pagsigaw.

“Mama!”

I shut my eyes tightly as I tried to cover my vision with my tied hands, as my own very eyes saw how Lance pulled the trigger to Monica that fell on the floor with a hole in her forehead.

“No. Please. Stop.” Nanginginig kong pagsamo habang patuloy na umiiyak.

Dinig ko ang iyak ni Regine. “Hayop ka! Kasalanan mo to. Demonyo ka-”

I screamed without any noise when I heard another shot being fired. Nanginginig akong napaupo sa takot.

“Regine!”

Please, God. Please save me. Please let me live.

Mommy. Help me.

“Tangina! Mga walang kwenta!” I heard Lance grunted. I opened up my eyes and even with blurry vision, I can still see blood coming out of Monica’s forehead, ganun din sa anak niyang natumba sa may malapit sa paanan ni Lance. Lando came to their aid, tila hindi makapaniwala.

I shook my head and shut my eyes again. I can’t. I can’t take this. Please. Let this end.

More shots are being fired. Mas malapit ang tunog non ngayon. May naririnig din akong sigawan mula sa tila tauhan ni Lance.

“P-Please.. p-please stop..” I cried.

“Ikaw! Tangina ka tumayo kang bakla ka!”

Halso magwala ako ng hatakin ako ni Lance. “Let go! Don’t shoot me! Let me go!” I protested.

Natutop ko ang labi ng maramdaman ang malamig na bagay sa sentido ko. I suppressed my cries while I don’t know where Lance is taking me. “Manahimik ka o ikaw ang isusunod ko! Tangina mo!”

“Dito boss. Alis na tayo. Iwan mo na iyan-”

“Tanga kabang putangina ka? Edi napunta lahat to wala! Bobo!” I screamed when I craned my neck on the other direction not to see Lance shoot one of his men. He’s carelessly putting bullets on the heads on his people. He’s dangerous. He’s mad.

Masakit ang paa ko sa gaspang ng lupa pero wala akong magawa kundi ang magpakaladkad sa natataranta na ngayong si Lance. Dinig ko ang kabilaang signal ng mga bodyguard niya sa earpiece.

“Dito boss.” It’s already dark outside the warehouse kung saan may naghihintay na itim sa SUV. Dalawa pang tao niya ang naghihintay doon habang tatlo ang kasama namin.

“Reina!” I heard a familiar baritone.

We halted. I quickly turned and my eyes bursts to tears.

“Let. Her. Go.” Anton’s voice registered mercilessly. Wearing a bulletproof vest and a white shirt underneath, a denim pants and boots, he’s pointing a gun at us. Behind him are six men in black wearing face covers and vests like him.

I heard footsteps on the grass but my eyes are fixated at Anton. Thank God.

“Boss. Tangina.” Ramdam ang taranta sa isang lalaki.

“Idiot!” Lance spat and pointed his gun at my temple. Ang isang braso niya ay nakakapit sa leeg ko.

“Hah! Anong ginagawa mo dito? Trying to be a hero, eh?”

“Let her go. You’re outnumbered. You have no chance.” Ani Anton. Kita ko ang igting ng panga niya sa munting ilaw ng poste. Hindi inaalis ang tingin sa akin.

My lips curled as my tears fell. Thank you.

“Wait. Wait a second.” Lance stalled before he laughed hysterically. Mas diniin niya ang baril sa sentido ko at mas hinigpitan ang pagkakakapit sakin.

“Fuck! So I was mistaken. Hindi si Amiel. Ang kuya niya ang boyfriend mo! Hah!” Halakhak nito sa sarili na animo nakakaaliw ang natuklasan.

Nagtagisan ang mga tauhan nila sa pagtutok ng baril. Walang sinumang sumubok magpaputok. I didn’t know Anton shoot guns.

“Hah! Kaya pala! That’s why it’s a secret! You were seeing each other in secret!”

Napasinghap ako at napailing sa nakatitig na si Anton. Lance had me followed. Why he thinks Amiel is my boyfriend is stupid. What I want now is to go home.

Lance laughed once again. “Why you’re here. Ang galing.” Napatingala pa ito, mocking Anton.

In a swift motion, Anton pulled the trigger on the now dazed and distracted Lance. He cursed as the bullet hit his arm. Bago pa makabawi ay isa pang putok ang natanggap niya.

Napapikit ako at napaiyak sa takot ng maging sunod sunod ang malakas na putukan ng baril. Halos manghina ang tuhod ko pero hindi ako makawala sa hawak ni Lance.

“Fuck you! I’ll kill you-” nabitin ang sigaw ni Lance when we were pushed on the ground.

I expected to fall hard but it didn’t hurt. Dinilat ko ang mata at nakitang nakalalay si Anton sa ulo ko. Si Lance ay tumumba at dinambahan ng isang dalawang kasama ni Anton.

Shots continue to be fired but Anton’s side is winning. They were able to cuff Lance and the rest who survived the gunfire. More men are pouring inside the warehouse.

“Baby. Thank God. You’re safe now, baby.” Anton hushed me as he pulled me in his chest. Diko napigil ang paghikbi.

“Anton..”

“Sshh. I’m sorry I’m late. I’m here now. You’re safe. We’ll take you home.” He kissed my forehead with longing. He scanned me for bruises or cuts but I’m fine.

Hindi ko na nasundan ang pangyayari pagkatapos tanggalin ang tali sa kamay ko. They took Lance in and we were escorted by armed men while some are still scouring the area. Giniya kami sa isang sasakyan. I saw Marco and tito Ronin.

“Ria.” Marco called. Mariing titig ang ginawad samin ni tito Ronin sa malayo na nagiinstruct ng ilang tauhan.

“Are you sure you’re fine? What did they do to you?” Anton checked on me.

“Where is she?” Agad kong nilingon ang pamilyar na sigaw.

“Where’s my daughter?” I bit my lip as I cried helplessly.

Agad akong kumawala sa yakap ni Anton at hinanap ang boses. Nasa may patag na bahagi kami ng labas ng warehouse. Talahiban ang nasa likuran namin.

I saw dad made a turn, rushing to find me. He’s wearing a plain shirt and pants, with eyes bloodshot and glistening, tila namayat din ang pisngi. Stubbles are very visible.

“Daddy!” I called. Naiiyak akong tumakbo. Agad akong sinalubong ng kanyang mainit na bisig. He reek of alcohol.

“My child. Thank the heavens you are safe.”

“Daddy. I’m scared.” I cried against dad’s chest.

He rubbed my back to stop me from crying. Only it made worse. “You’re safe now princess. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I failed to protect you. I’m sorry.”

Pilit akong umiiling habang walang tigil ang luha. No dad. It’s not your fault. Thank you for coming to save me.

“Are you okay? May masakit ba sayo? Anong ginawa nila? Tell me.” He said urgently but I just shook my head.

“I-I’m fine.”

He planted kisses on my head while brushing my hair. “My heart broke into a million pieces when I lost your mom. Half of me died with her. If I were to lose you too, it will be the end of me princess.” Dad’s voice broke as his shoulder shook from crying.

“We are going home. You’re safe now. Daddy is here. You’re safe now.”

He cupped my face and wiped my tears with his thumbs, sumisinghot akong pinagmasdan ang mukha ni daddy na tila lasing at hindi natulog. Mabigat din ang kanyang paghinga habang may luha sa pisngi.

I smiled and nodded.

“Rico. Go. Now. Take RJ with you. We’ll take care of this.” I heard tito Ronin ordered. I took a quick glance at Anton. He’s pursing his lips. He nodded at me and smiled timidly.

We are about to walk out of the scene when dad grunted. Nilingon ko siya at nakitang napapikit itong nakahawak sa dibdib. Ilang saglit ay tumumba siya. Nasalo ko siya but he’s too heavy. Napaupo ako habang nakahawak sa mukha niya. I pulled him to my lap.

“Dad! Daddy!”

Armed men immediately went to our aid. I saw tito Jovan running in our direction. “Daddy! Wake up. Please.” Iyak ko ng subukan ko siyang yugyugin pero hindi siya nagigising.

“Help!” I shouted on top of my lungs as I cried for help. “Please!”

“Please help my daddy…” I cried as I tried to shake his shoulder but he’s still not waking up.

Kabanata 29

“Baby. Calm down. Let’s take him to the hospital.” Anton whispered in my ear as he gently stroked my arm.

“Where’s the fucking medic?” Tito Ronin’s voice thundered.

I shook my head while crying. “N-No.. Daddy.. w-wake up please..”

A group of people in white uniform shortly arrived with an emergency carrier. They assessed dad and someone from their team checked the vitals and doing what they can for him to regain consciousness but they failed. Kita kong may pinapump sa bibig ni dad. Lalo akong naiyak. They’re resuscitating him!

“W-What’s happening?!” I panicked. I watched dad’s face. Jaw is clenched and lips pursed. He look pained. Dad. Wake up please.

“I got a weak pulse! He’s breathing. Stabilize the patient so it won’t lead to cardiac arrest. Sir can you hear me? Ililipat po namin kayo sa carrier.” Ani ng nurse na akala mo nadidinig ni dad.

“What do you mean? What happened to my dad?” Histerikal kong asik sa nurse. Anton is behind me stroking my arms.

“Inatake po si sir, ma’am. Wag po kayong magpanic. Dalhin na po natin agad sa ospital.”

“What? Then do something! Can’t you help him? Please help my dad! Do something!” I shouted, trembling. Di maawat ang pagiyak sa narinig.

“Let them do their job, baby. You should be checked too.” Anton pulled me out of the scene.

“No. I’m fine. Si dad!” Iyak ako ng iyak sa takot. I can’t. I can’t lose my dad. It’s my fault.

“Buhatin niyo. Bilis.” Dinig kong sabi ni tito Jovan. Dad is 6’3, so five of their men including tito Jovan and Marco had to intervene to quickly put him to the carrier with the guidance of the nurses who responded. Tito Ronin is busy making orders. I quickly followed them while Anton tailed me.

“Your dad will be fine. Don’t worry, please.” Anton whispered as he kissed my temple. Nanginginig akong pinapanood ang nasa unahan naming dala dala si daddy sa emergency stretcher. I couldn’t even utter a word but cry. Anton called a nurse to have me checked. She checked my vitals and asked me questions. Hindi nga lang ako ganung makafocus dahil iniisip ko si dad. I’m okay. I’m just tired and got some bruises. But I’m fine.

“What happened?” Sinalubong kami ni RJ sa dalang ambulance na kakababa lang ng cellphone at nilagay sa bulsa.

“Nawalan ng malay ang tito mo. Ang mga nurse na ang bahala sakanya. Call your dad, RJ.” Ani tito Jovan.

His jaw clenched and watched the ambulance not far from us. He nodded before turning to me. “On it.” He sighed. “I’m glad you’re safe, princess. Come here.” RJ opened his arms for a hug. I pouted and hugged my cousin, still sniffing from crying.

“Go. Susunod ako. Tatawagan ko sina mommy. And take a bath, girl. You stink.” He chuckled at ginulo ang buhok ko. Agad akong napasimangot.

I took a quick glance at Anton who is eyeing my cousin intently. He cleared his throat. Agad akong nahiya. Do I smell bad? I’m covered in dirt, sweat, and the intoxicating smell inside the warehouse.

RJ took his car while immediately rushed to the nearest hospital. Sumama ako sa ambulance kaya ganun din si Anton. Hawak ko ang kamay ni dad habang busy ang nurse maglagay ng swero sakanya. They’re monitoring his vitals incase his bp drops. Tito Ronin and his men were left to handle the kidnapping issue. They will bring Lance and his men captured to custody.

“Dad. I’m here. Please wake up.” I cried as I rested my wet cheeks on the back of his hand. Sinwero si dad ng nurse at hindi ko nasundan ang ginagawa nila.

“Can’t you fucking drive faster?” I spat angrily kahit hindi ko alam kung naririnig ako ng driver. The nurses were busy monitoring dad while another nurse went to check up on me again. Utos muli ni Anton. Pero mas tinuon ko ang atensyon kay daddy.

The nurses have alerted the nearest hospital so they were expecting our arrival. Mabilis ang naging pagkilos nila para ipasok si dad sa emergency room.

“Ma’am. Hanggang dito lang po muna kayo. Bawal po kayo sa loob.”

“N-No! My d-dad needs me. I need to be t-there!”

“Kami na po ang bahala ma’am. Dito lang po kayo.” I ignored the nurse and followed her but she pulled the curtain to cover dad’s bed. Anton pulled me back to his chest as he slowly stroke my hair. Nahuli ko ang mapaglarong ngiti ng nakapamulsang si tito Jovan sa may labas.

“Baby. Let’s be strong. Nothing bad will happen. Please stop crying.” Para akong hinehele ng boses ni Anton kaya lalo lang bumabagsak ang luha ko.

I can’t lose you too, dad. I can’t. Please. You need to wake up. You need.. to survive.

Lalo akong nagpanic dahil antagal nila sa loob. The doctors even asked the staff nurse to make me leave as I am causing scene outside the emergency room. The clock is ticking. I’m losing my mind every minute passes.

“Calm down, hija. Magiging okay din ang daddy mo. Masamang damo iyan.” Tito Jovan chuckled despite his weary eyes.

Kaya ng may masilip akong lumilingang doktor, agad akong umayos. Naghihintay. Kung ako ang hinahanap niya.

He glanced at the glass hole in the door and I knew that he will bring news to me as soon as he started walking.

“Doc. My dad is inside. How is he?” Agap kong tanong ng tinulak niya ang pinto.

“Your dad is?” The doctor probed.

“Enrico Montecarlo. I’m his daughter. Ria Montecarlo.”

“I see.” He smiled but it was short-lived. Napasinghap ako. Please. Let it be good news.

“He’s now stable, Ms. Montecarlo. He survived the heart attack. Your father was deeply stressed and under the influence of alcohol. You can transfer him now to his room to rest and for further monitoring. Notify me immediately when he wakes up.”

I heaved a deep sigh of relief as my eyes watered. “T-Thank you. T-Thank you, doc. Kelan po m-magigising ang daddy ko?”

He exhaled. “It could be within twenty four hours at the very least. But in some cases, it could take days. Depends on how fast he recover. He’s stable now but he’s very weak. Your father is lucky at hindi umabot sa cardiac arrest. His lifestyle should change hija. Do you know if he’s been stressed lately or had trouble sleeping?”

Diko napigilang muling maiyak sa tanong ng doktor. It’s my fault. Guilt is eating me up. Kung hindi ako nakidnap, hindi magkakaganito ang daddy.

“Just some family matters that needs to be addressed, doc. We’ll move him to his private room now. Thank you.” Anton answered as I felt him rubbed my back.

Ngumiti ang doktor sabay tango. “Tawagin nyo ako pag nagising ang pasyente. We’ll run some tests and if he’s cleared, pwede na nating idischarge.”

My mind is still blank kaya si Anton na ang kumausap sa mga nurse para malipat si dad sa private room niya. He got an expensive suite so we can have space and dad will be comfortable. Si Anton na din agad ang nagsettle ng bill sa emergency room at three days para sa suite. Hopefully dad won’t stay that long here.

“Y-You don’t have to. Kami na ang bahala. I’ll.. p-pay you.” Ani ko paglapit niya matapos sagutin ang tawag. I’m sure tito Raymond will be here any minute now.

He smiled and tapped my head. “It’s fine. Punta na tayo sa daddy mo.”

Nang successful na nalipat si dad, agad naming pinuntahan ni Anton pagtapos niya sa accounting. Tito Jovan remained downstairs dahil may tatawagan daw kaya pinauna na kami. I quickly checked the room upon entry and this one is good. Though we can opt for a presidential suite, ang mahalaga ay dad is stable and he’ll wake up anytime soon. I don’t have plans on him staying here for long anyway.

Anton excused himself for another call after he pushed me a single sofa from the guest side and placed it beside dad’s bed. I watched him peacefully sleeping kahit nakaswero pa siya. He looks tired. I’m sorry daddy.

My lips twisted. I won’t cry anymore. Dad is okay. He’ll wake up soon. Then we’ll go home. Yes.

I leaned forward to kiss his cheek. I’ll wait for you, daddy. Thank you… for coming to save me.

I felt Anton’s hand on my shoulder kaya napatingala ako sakanya. May munting ngiti at mapungay na mata.

“Your titos are downstairs. They’ll be here any minute now.”

“Y-You… called them?”

His lips stretched and he shook his head. “Mr. Del Mundo told them. I called Marco.”

Naningkayad siya para maglebel ang tingin namin. I’m pursing my lips because of how close and intimate we are. Good thing dad is sleeping or else he’ll rage fire.

“You must be tired. Gusto mo ihatid kita sa unit mo? So you can freshen up and rest.”

“No.” I immediately shook my head. Hindi na alintana ang lagkit at pagkahulas. I look like a beggar asking for some change right now but who cares. “I’ll wait for dad. Gusto kong andito ako pag nagising na siya.”

His soulful and longing eyes scanned my face. “I know, baby.” He whispered languidly. “I’ll ask my secretary to bring you new clothes. You can take a bath here. But.. I’m sure your father would’ve want you to rest at home. You’ve been… through a lot.”

Halos manindig ang balahibo ko at kumabog ng malakas ang puso ng itago ni Anton ang mga takas kong buhok sa likod ng aking tenga. I seriously need to take a bath. I’m squishy and my hair is oily. I haven’t checked my face too. Oh my God!

“I was so scared I flew the next available flight when I heard from Marco. I’m sorry I was not there for you, baby.” Pain flashed before his eyes as his jaw clenched tightly. Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga.

“I’m sorry it happened to you. I was not there to protect you.”

I shut my eyes when he crouched to kiss my forehead. I inhaled his manly and clean scent as I can feel his warm breathing on my skin that sent shivers to my spine. My hand landed on his forearm resting on the armrest. His eyes went down to my hand. Anger and regret flashed before his eyes as he pursed his lips. He gently massaged my wrist. I checked my other wrist and noticed the bruises. Nagpasa na yung pagkakatali sakin sa warehouse.

“I’m sorry, baby.”

No. It’s not your doing. Thank you, for coming to my aid, baby.

“Salamat at ligtas ka. Hindi ko alam.. hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko Reina.” His voice broke and my eyes sting para sa nagbabadya nanamang luha.

He crouched more and I can now feel him kissing my cheek. I shut my eyes and felt his kisses. Pinagbigyan ko ang sariling damhin ang mga haplos at halik niya.

“Where is-”

Napapitlag ako ng marinig na bumukas ang pintuan. Shocked as I was, I saw how tito Raymond and tita Athena’s mouth dropped wide open from the doorstep.

Shit! We were caught like this! I’m sure they saw Anton kissing me! Sa pisngi lang naman iyon but… this is already a scandal for them. Tito Raymond pa!

Nanlalaki ang mata ni tito na nagpalipat lipat samin ng katabi ko. Agad akong pinamulahan at tumikhim saka umayos ng upo. Anton cleared his throat and stood proudly, welcoming them.

I heard someone chuckled. Must me tito Jovan. “May problema ba? Panganay ni Amer ang kumuha ng kwartong ito.” Dinig kong sabe niya sa labas.

“Engineer. You’re.. here.” Tito Raymond asked carefully. Kita ko naman ang pasada ng tingin ni tita Athena bago umangkla ang braso sa asawa. Nangingiti.

“Let’s get inside, hon.” Ani tita at hinila si tito na lumakad papunta sa mas mahabang couch. Kasunod nila si tito Jovan na nakapamulsang nagmamasid.

“Good evening, tito. Tita.” Si Anton sa pormal na boses.

“Good evening… Anton.” Si tita ang sumagot ng tila matigas ang mukha ni tito. She glanced at my way. Ngumiti ito ng malungkot at lumapit.

“Oh Ria. Thank God you are safe. We were worried. How are you, dear?” She went to hug me. I stood up to hug her back.

“I’m okay.. tita. Si.. dad lang p-po-”

“Ssshh. Don’t worry. Your dad is fine. Nakausap namin ng tito mo ang doktor niya sa baba.” Putol ni tita at hinagod ang likod ko.

Kumalas siya sa yakap at hinawakan ang magkabilang balikat ko. She smiled sweetly and when I caught her glanced at Anton standing behind me, her eyebrow shot up and her smile grew wider.

“You must be hungry. Kumain na ba kayo? Magpadeliver tayo ng food. Hon.” She turned to her husband who’s now eyeing Anton intently.

“You were supposed to be in Barcelona supervising the ongoing project. You were with Ronin’s team, engineer?”

Anton inhaled. “Yes tito. Umuwi lang po saglit. I’m with Marco.”

“And.. you’re still here? With.. my niece? Just the two of you?” His piercing eyes are now directed to me. I swallowed hard.

“Sinamahan ko lang po na umakyat.”

“Ahm.. let’s call for food. Thank you, Anton for your help. You two must be tired, umuwi kana muna hija pagtapos kumain at magpahinga. Kami na ang bahala dito.” Ani tita Athena at lumakad pabalik kay tito Raymond.

“I’ll stay. I’m fine tita. I’ll wait here.” Agap ko.

She sighed before excusing herself to call for food delivery. Umupo ako habang nanatiling nakatayo si Anton sa tabi ko na animo bodyguard. Tito Raymond and tito Jovan are talking near the couch in front of us, patingin tingin samin.

I stay seated with my back straight while biting my lower lip due to the awkwardness. Anton excused himself for a quick call. Probably with his secretary. Hindi ko na sinagot ang senyas niya lalo na sa nararamdaman kong matang nakatingin samin. After the call, bumalik sa tabi ko si Anton na nakatayo kahit na inalok ni tita Athena na umupo.

“Your things will be here in thirty.” Anton mouthed ng simple ko siyang tingalain. Simple akong tumango ng maintindihan ang sinabi. Thirty minutes ang tiniis ko sa panunuya ng tingin ni tito Raymond sa kakahintay ng pagkain na inorder ni tita.

“Have a seat. Let’s eat. Sumabay kana Ivan.” Ani tita Athena. We all seated in a round table to eat.

“I heard from Elisse, Anton. Amiel got confined in a hospital too because of a gang fight. How is he?” Tita Athena strike a conversation while serving the food she ordered at the round table.

I secretly looked at Anton. I remember what Lance told me of what he did to Amiel! How is he?

And to think that he’s still here, I feel guilty. Kasalanan ko ang lahat. I am so naive. Kung hindi ako naloko ni Lance, hindi ako makikidnap. Hindi rin siguro mangyayare kay Amiel iyon.

With the outburst of emotion I almost asked Anton to leave and tend to his family, it’s just that I caught tito Raymond’s menacing gaze as he’s watching me. Tumaas pa ang kilay niya sa inasta ko. Umayos akong muli ng upo.

“Bibisita po ako pagkatapos nito.”

“I’m sure your family needs you now more this time, engineer. My niece will be just fine here with us.” His eyebrow raised cockily. I almost hear tito Jovan’s suppressed laughter. I sighed.

His lips pursed, as if stopping himself of what he wanted to say. I’m glad he did. I cannot guarantee that tito Raymond is not having an idea, and I don’t want Anton giving him that confirmation.

He glanced at my way as he licked his lips. Napasinghap ako sa patuloy paring paghuhuramentado ng puso ko kahit na kinakabahan sa panonood ng mga kamaganak.

“Thank you, Anton. Ikaw na pala ang nagasikaso dito hijo. Nagabala kapa.” Si tita Athena. Anton smiled back.

“We’ll reimburse you the bill. We’ll transfer kuya to a presidential suite.” Putol agad ni tito Raymond.

I sighed. Just what I’m thinking tito Raymond would say. I secretly glanced at Anton to see if he would get offended but he seems normal.

“The doctor said kuya will be discharged soon once he wakes up, hon. I think this room will suffice while waiting.”

The executive private room is not an issue. Though we can afford, I don’t really want to stay here. I wish dad and I can go home tonight.

“He still needs to undergo some tests before that. So.. presidential suite it is.” Tito Raymond snorted.

Buti nalang at naputol din doon ang paguusap. Or talagang madami silang gustong itanong pero pinili munang huwag nalang. Natapos kaming kumain na halos wala akong nagalaw. Hindi ako makaramdam ng gutom. Wala akong gana.

“Eat more, hija. You need it. You’ve been exhausted.” Paggiya ni tita Athena.

“Pwede mo bang ikwento kung ano ginawa nila sayo habang nasa puder ka nila hija? Magagamit natin yan sa pagsampa ng kaso sakanila.” Si tito Jovan.

Suddenly all eyes were fixated on me. I inhaled deeply. I don’t think I’m ready to tell what happened. I wanted to move on. I even want to think that it never happened.

“It’s okay, Ivan. We’ll do that some other time.” Si tita Athena na dumungaw sa akin.

“This shit should never happen again. This is why you need more security, Ria. I’ll talk to kuya about it.”

Hindi na ako umangal sa mga naging suhestyon nina tito Raymond and tito Jovan. Tinulungan kong magligpit si tita Athena pagtapos kumain pero sinabi niyang maupo nalang ako at magpahinga. Tahimik lang akong palinga linga sa higaan ni dad. He’s still asleep. Kalalabas lang ng nurse na nagcheck kay dad kanina.

Nagpaalam na din si tito Jovan dahil sa natanggap na tawag pero nagsabe siya na dadaan ulit. Abala padin si tito Ronin sa pagaasikaso sa kaso habang nandito si dad. Tito Raymond doesn’t allow visitors except the closest friends of our family.

“Were you checked? You need to be assessed too. Nasa opsital naman na tayo hija.” Ani tita.

“I’m fine tita. The medical team brought by tito Ronin already checked me.”

She sighed. “Mas mabuti pang umuwi kana muna hija para makapagpahinga. Kami na ng tito mo ang bahala dito.” Muling pilit ni tita Athena.

“Yes. We’ll transfer your dad to a better room. You should go home and sleep. Our men will take you home.” No. I will stay here til dad wakes up.

“Ako na po ang maghahatid.” Presinta naman ni Anton. I heard tito Raymond scoffed.

“Thank you, but we’ll manage, engineer. Ang bodyguards na ang maghahatid sa pamangkin ko.”

“Hindi kaba hahanapin sainyo hijo? Malaking tulong ang pagsama mo, pero kailangan ka din ng kapatid mo Anton. I’m sure Elisse needs you by her side.” Tanong ni tita.

“I won’t go.” Putol ko sakanila. “I’ll just ask manang to bring my stuff. I’ll take a bath here. I’ll sleep here. With dad.” I said with finality.

“Fine. If that’s what you want. It’s getting late, engineer. Thank you for your help.” Si tito Raymond na muling tinataboy si Anton. He crouched to kiss tita Athena on the cheek. “I’ll be downstairs, hon. We’ll transfer kuya to a better room.” paalam nito at mabilis na nagmartsa palabas.

Tita titled her head and smiled apologetically “I’m sorry about my husband, Anton. Ria. Don’t mind your tito, hija. He’s stubborn, just like your dad.”

“Wala pong problema. Mauna na din po ako. Subukan ko pong dumaan mamaya kung pupwede.” Paalam ni Anton. Saglit dumaan sakin ang kanyang titig.

“Of course… pero mas magandang unahin mo muna ang kapatid mo. Thank you.. again.” Ani tita na halos humina sa pandinig ko ng lumakas ang kabog ng dibdib sa paglapit ni Anton.

“I’ll just check on Amiel. Babalik din ako. My secretary is on his way. Are you sure you don’t want to rest at home?” Si Anton na sinusubukang hulihin ang tingin ko. Pabalik balik lang sakanila ni tita Athena ang tingin ko. She bit her lower lip to suppress her smile and excused herself para muling magligpit.

I cleared my throat. “I’ll stay here. I’m okay.”

“Okay, baby.” Anton whispered. My breathing almost stopped. How you have this effect on me even in this situation is…

“Ihatid mo nalang ang.. si Anton palabas hija. Ako na bahalang magligpit.” Ani tita sa may countertop.

My face is definitely crimson red right now due to embarrassment. Napapikit ako at hinimas ang leeg.

“Mauna na po ako. Salamat sa pagkain.” Paalam ni Anton. Tumango lang samin si tita at kunwaring nagliligpit ng kanina eh nailipat na nyang mga paper bag, plate at mga plastic utensils.

Tumikhim ako at nauna ng naglakad para buksan ang pinto. Agad namang sumunod si Anton. I saw some of our bodyguards turned when the door opened. I ignored them and closed the door after Anton stepped out of the room.

He let out a sigh. He must noticed our security too. “I’ll check on my brother, then see if I can go to my condo after.”

My lips curled and nodded. “O-Okay..”

“I love you.” He said breathily.

Saglit na umangat ang tingin ko sa kanyang mukha bago luminga sa mga security namin na parang posteng nakatayo malapit samin. I forced a smile and nodded.

“Get inside. Alis na ako.” He said.

Muli akong tumango at ngumiti. “Bye.” Almost a whisper.

“Bye, baby.”

Kagat kagat ko ang labi ng muling pumasok ng kwarto. Halos mapapitlag pa ako ng papunta din si tita sa may pinto.

She smiled. “I.. I didn’t know. I thought.. well.. tinawagan ko pala si manang. She’ll be here soon with your clothes and toiletries. Tawagan ko lang si RJ ha? Will be you be okay here?” She asked. She didn’t have to. I’ll wait for Anton’s secretary. But it will be helpful for me to see and seek comfort of familiar faces.

Si Matt kaya? I forgot to ask. How was he? Hindi ko na nga lang natanong because tita went out for a call so I went to sit beside dad’s bed. Rest well, daddy. So we can go home tomorrow.

Naiwan ako to look after dad. Nakarinig lang ako ng katok kaya muli akong lumabas. A guy probably in his mid twenties is waiting on the doorstep beside the bodyguard who knocked. The others are outside standing still like a flag pole.

“Good evening, Ms. Ria. I’m Clint, engineer Rodriguez’s secretary. May pinapabigay lang po si engineer.”

Kinuha ko ang isang paper bag na may print ng luxury brand at isang mas maliit na paper bag. Hindi na din nagtagal si Clint, I said my thanks after he bid his goodbye.

Magpapaalam sana ako kay dad na maliligo muna kaso sabay ng nakabalik sina tito at tita. He upgraded his room to a much bigger one. May mga kasama na silang nurse at iba pang staff para mailipat si dad.

This is so tiring and a lot of work to be done. Imbes na makapahinga ng ayos ang daddy eh pinairal ni tito ang pride nya. May panghihinayang din tuloy ako sa ginastos ni Anton. I’ll give him back his money nalang.

We went to several floors up kung saan mas limited na ang mga rooms. They settled dad at saka kami iniwan ng mga nurse. Dito na din dimiretso si manang. The couple gave us space as they saw manang bursts to tears at the immediate sight of me.

Labis ang pagkahabag ng matanda ng tinakbo ang distansya para yakapin ako. “Salamat at ligtas ka anak! Alalang alala ako. Kaming lahat. Lalo na ang daddy mo hija. Hindi iyan halos natutulog at hindi din ganung kumakain. Hinahanap ka.” Iyak niya.

“I-I’m glad I’m home too… m-manang…” my voice broke when she rushed to hugged me.

“Kamusta ka? May masakit ba sayo? Anong ginawa nila? Anong lagay ng daddy mo hija?” Sunod sunod na tanong nito ng kumalas sa yakap. May kaliitan si manang kaya kelangan kong yumuko ng yakapin siya. Sabay kaming napalingon sa bed ni dad.

My tears are piling up. “I’m fine. H-He’s.. okay.. sabe ng doctor.. he just needs rest. They’ll.. run some tests as soon as he wakes up and.. i-if he’s cleared then we can go h-home.”

“Hayaan mo. Ipagdadasal kong bumuti na ng tuluyan ang daddy mo. Halika. Dinalhan kita ng damit at mga gamit mo. Naginit din ako ng hapunan kanina. Kumain ka hija.”

I smiled so widely. How I missed this. I’m really tough at manang most of the time and I often take her for granted, but I can’t deny that her loyalty and care for dad and I are something that’s admirable. I’m lucky to have her. Kami ni dad.

Suminghap ako at kinalma ang dibdib. Pinunasan din ang mga kusang kumawalang luha. “Tapos na po manang. I’ll just freshen up. May damit naman na po akong gagamitin.”

“Ha? Saan galing? Sabe ni madame dalhan kita nitong gamit mo.” Inosenteng tanong nito at binaba sa sofa ang dala niyang mga bag.

I bit my lip, nangingiti padin. “Meron na po. Pero dala mo ba ang bath essentials ko manang?” I’ll use them instead. Nakita ko na ang dala ni Anton at kahit mga pambabae iyon, I’d prefer to use mine. Gosh! I need to clean myself!

“Panligo? Oo eto. Pantulog meron din. May unan din akong dala. Bilin ni madame na dalin din ang gadget mo para daw di ka maburyo dito. Andito lahat hija.”

“Thank you, manang.” I said whole heartedly. Nahihiya na binitbit niya to lahat paakyat. Though, she’s got help with our security, pero still.

Ngumiti ito at pinilig ang ulo ng sinapo ang pisngi ko. “Walang anuman anak. Sige na. Ligo kana doon para makapahinga ka. Anong oras na.”

I swear I think I spent an hour in the bathroom scrubbing my entire body. Halos sumakit nga ang gilagid ko kakatoothbrush din. I want to smell good. I want to feel good. Para akong nagcamping ng isang linggo at nandidiri ako sa sarili ko.

Saka lang din unti unting nagflashback sakin ang nangyari habang nakatapat sa shower. What I’ve been through. I was abducted. I was almost raped. I witnessed multiple murder in front of my very own eyes. How cruel Lance could be? I was so traumatized.

Hindi na umiiyak pero tulala akong kuskos ng kuskos ng leeg, braso, hita, kung saan dumapo ang mga kamay ng manyak na tauhan niya. Halos maubos ko din ang shampoo kakabanlaw sa buhok ko.

I don’t know how can I move on from this, but I’m sure I can. I have a very warm and supportive family, and… my boyfriend.

How he came like my knight in shining armor, na noon pinapantasya ko sakanyang kapatid. I’m really thankful to Anton as well. He’s busy with work. But he went home for me.

Thank you, baby.

And to dad.. who has been through a lot as much as me, I’m to blame of what happened to him. Thank God he didn’t take my father from me. I can’t. I can never deal with that.

I will never ever move forward kung nangyari iyon. Sa lahat ng masalimuot na nangyari sakin, liwanag ang pagiging maayos niya. Sana lang talaga ay magising na siya at mas bumuti ang kalagayan.

Agad akong nagbihis ng damit na pinadala ni Anton ng matapos. Agad kong kinuha ang phone ko. I lost count with the number of missed calls from dad. And his messages looking for me.

“Where are you, Reina Ariane?”

“Please, princess. Be safe. I’m sorry.”

“Daddy failed to protect you. I’m sorry.”

“I’m coming to get you. I love you. Please be safe, my child.”

Ilan lang yon sa mga nabasa ko. At sa mga text niya noong nasa warehouse na ako.

I saw missed calls from Anton’s number too. I checked his messages as well.

“Hello, baby.”

“Still asleep?”

“You got school, yes? Wake up, baby.”

“I’m worried. Is something wrong?”

“Fuck. What happened, baby?”

“Hell be damned if something happened to you. I promise.”

“I’m going home. I love you. Please be safe.”

With a heavy heart, I heaved a deep sigh. Thank God, I am finally safe. With my family. I texted Anton that I now have my phone with me. And to text me when he’s there.

Saglit kong nilingon si dad bago tumungo sa katabing upuan ng kama niya. Si manang ay abala naman sa pagliligpit.

“Gusto mo nabang magpahinga? Doon kana sa extrang kwarto hija-”

“No. I’ll sit here.” Agap ko. Malungkot na ngumiti ang matanda at tumango bago nagpatuloy sa ginagawa.

Nasa may receiving area sina tito at tita habang may kausap na mga bodyguards. Umayos ako ng upo at pinagmasdan si dad na natutulog. I held his hard and calloused hand na nakaswero.

“Please rest. Then we’ll go home, daddy.” I whispered, shaking.

My phone vibrated when Anton texted me he’s already with his family. Agad kong kinamusta si Amiel.

“Can I call?” He replied.

Bago pa man ako magreply eh nagvibrate na ang phone ko sa incoming call niya. I eyed the room and saw that I’m distant. Agad kong sinagot ang tawag.

“H-Hello.”

“Hello, baby.” His baritone voice registered.

I swallowed hard. “Ahm.. k-kamusta? Si A-Amiel?”

He fell silent. Then I heard him sighed. Agad kong nakagat ang labi.

“He got bruises on his face and some fractured bones. He’s unconscious but he’s stable and getting better.” Tila hirap nitong salaysay. Agad akong nahabag.

“I’m sorry.” My voice broke. “I-It’s my fault. Nadamay siya because-”

“It’s not your fault. None of this is your fault. Please don’t blame yourself, Reina. that son of a bitch will pay for what he’s done.” May diin nitong sabi.

We talked a little until I heard tita Elisse on the background calling him. Kaya sinabi kong ibaba na ang tawag.

“Sasamahan ko si mama. Baka hindi na ako makauwi ng condo. Can I see you tomorrow?”

I bit my lower lip. “Mmm.. kay..”

“Good night, baby. I love you.” He matched the tone of my voice. Agad naghuramentado ang puso ko.

“G-Good night.” Paalam ko at agad pinutol ang tawag.

Pinilit din ako nina tita na magpahinga sa isa pang kwarto pero tumanggi ako. Dito din silang dalawa magpapalibas ng gabi pero mukhang hindi matutulog. Si tito Raymond nay kausap, si tita naman ay kasama ni manang.

Hinilig ko ang leeg sa backrest at pinikit ang namimigat na mga mata. Hindi ko namalayang nakatulog na pala ako. Nagising nalang ako sa impit na pagingit.

I slowly opened my eyes dahil naalimpungatan. I don’t know what time is it when I heard dad grunting, lukot ang mukha at pinapaling kaliwat kanan.

“Dad?” Paos kong tawag.

Agad akong tumayo at lumapit. “Dad? I’m here. What’s wrong?” I asked kahit na diko alam kung maririnig niya ako.

His chest rises and fall and he started groaning. Unti unting nagmulat ang mata niya.

He’s awake.

Thank God, he’s awake.

“D-Dad?” Nanginginig kong tawag. Until unting nanubig ang aking mga mata. “It’s me. Can you hear me?”

Jaw’s clenching, lips pursing, his eyes went to my face. Lalo akong naiyak.

“Manang! Tita!” I called. Agad kong hinagod ang braso ni daddy.

“Daddy. How are you feeling? Ano pong masakit?”

His eyes squinted but he remained silent and watching me. My lips curled and glanced at the other people in the room. Kakagising lang din ni tita at si manang ay agad lumapit. Tito Raymond is closed to the door with a phone on his ear, watching us while speaking.

“Manang. Patawag naman ng nurse please. Gising na si dad.” Agad kong utos. Di nagatubili itong lumabas. Si tito Raymond naman ay mukhang nagpapaalam na sa kausap. Tita Athena immediately went to me.

“What happened?”

“Si dad..” bago ko pa matuloy ay nakita ko na ang ginhawa sa mukha ni tita Athena ng lingunin ang kama ni daddy.

“Reina..” slightly shaky, I heard dad’s baritone call.

Agad ko siyang nilingon at humilig sa gilid ng kama nya para lumapit. Naramdaman ko ang mahigpit na kapit niya sa kamay ko.

“Daddy..” I burst to tears.

Hinagod ni tita Athena ang likod ko pero diko inalis ang tingin kay daddy. “I’ll give you two space. Ipapatawag ko ang doktor sa tito mo.” Hindi nako nakasagot. Nakarinig nalang ako ng bulungan at pagbukas ng pinto.

Para akong batang inagawan ng candy na sumisinghot at walang tigil ang luha. Dad reached to touch my face. I helped him. I crouched more so he can caress my cheek.

“I’m sorry, princess..” napapikit akong umiling at dinama ang magaspang na kamay ni daddy sa pisngi ko.

“I wasn’t there for you. I should’ve protected you from those bastards. I failed. I’m sorry, child.” Hirap nitong sabi.

Hinakawan ko ang kamay ni daddy na nakahawak sa pisngi ko. He grunted as he tried to stand up. Agad akong naalerto.

“Dad. You need to rest. How are you feeling?” Agap ko at inalalayan siya. He exhaled angrily at makulit na umupo. Inayos ko ang unan sa likod niya para kumportable siyang makakasandal.

“You don’t know… how scared I was when I learned that you were abducted. I almost lost my mind. Please..”

I sniffed and smiled. “I’m here, dad. You save me. I’m safe now. I’m here.”

He swallowed hard and I saw his tears fell on his cheeks. “Come here.” He opened his arms for a hug. Agad naman akong yumakap.

He groaned when I buried my face on his chest. He immediately stroke my hair and hush me from crying. “I’m scared.. I’m scared too, daddy. I thought.. I thought I’ll lose you too…”

I felt his heavy breathing. He’s crying too but he chose to comfort me instead of wiping his own tears.

“Nawalan ka po ng malay. Inatake ka daw po.. takot na takot ako dad..”

“I’m sorry..”

Humahapo akong umiiyak sakanyang bisig habang hinahagod niya ang likod ko. “I miss your mom.. very much, princess.”

I bit my lower lip and nodded. I miss mommy too.

“I saw her..” I opened my blurry eyes when I heard him. He.. dreamed of her?

“I.. wanted to come with her. I begged her.. to take me with her..” his voice broke. Nanlumo ako sa narinig. Oh daddy.

“But she wanted me to stay. For you. For our daughter.” Dinig kong sabi ng tila nagdedeliryong si daddy.

“Dad..” I called, almost a whisper.

“Ayokong magalit sakin ang mommy mo. Kung iiwan kita.. at sumama ako sakanya. Anong mukhang ihaharap ko sa mommy mo.. na pinabayaan ko ang anak namin.. dahil nangungulila ako sakanya..”

“I love you, daddy.” I broke down. Mom left our hearts broken, dad most especially. He will never heal from this heartbreak.

He grunted as I felt him kissed the top of my head. “I love you more, my princess. I swear it will never happen again. I will keep you safe. Even if it cost me my life.”

Aangal sana ako sa narinig ng bumukas ang pinto ng silid. Agad kong nilingon ang pumasok. Si manang na may kasamang nurse.

“Ria. Sir! Mabuti at gising kana.” Agad na salubong ni manang.

Lumapit naman ang nurse at sinuri ang nakakabit kay dad. Umayos ako ng tayo to give him space to be checked. “How are you feeling, sir?” Ani ng nurse pero walang imik ang daddy.

Muling nagtanong ang nurse at nagsabing iccheck ang paghinga niya pero masungit na umayaw ang daddy at sinabing ayos na siya. Sunod namang pumasok sina tito at tita kasama ang lalakeng tila doktor.

Tita immediately went to hug me. Pinapanood ko naman ang daddy na kausap ng doktor na nagtatanong.

Dad is so stubborn but he had no choice when the doctor told him to be examined. He is already asking to be discharged but there will be some tests that needs to be done first before that.

Pinagpahinga din siya kalaunan ng doktor at sinabing babalik mamayang umaga. Mapilit naman ang daddy na nagsasabing okay na siya at umuwi nalang kami.

“Man. You were so stubborn. You need to stay here. You just survived a heart attack.” Tito Raymond spat.

I heard dad scoffed. Ayaw din kainin ang hiniwang mansanas ni manang. “I’m fine. They’re just wasting their time. We should go home. Reina.” Si dad na nilingon ako.

I almost heard tita Athena sighed behind me. “Dad. Sundin nalang po natin ang doktor. You need to eat then rest so you get better. Hopefully you’ll get discharged later today.”

Masungit lang itong umismid. Nangisi akong bumalik sa upuan sa tabi niya at ako na ang nagpilit na magpakain ng sliced fruits. For him to gain some energy. He’ll get a full meal later.

Mabuti nalang at nakikinig sakin ang daddy. He got no choice, anyway. Pagkatapos kumain ay pinilit ko siyang matulog pa kahit gusto niyang kausapin si tito about sa nangyaring operation kagabi. Tito said they’ll talk about it some other time. I understand if they will hide it from me. I just want to go home. Lance needs to pay for what he did.

Magwoworry pa sana si dad pero sinabi kong okay na ako. May sarili din akong kwarto para makapagpahinga kaya dun niya ako pinilit matulog. He even told me that we will call my doctor for me to be checked thoroughly too. Pumayag nalang ako kahit sinabeng nacheck nako ng nurse kanina bago pumunta ng hospital.

I woke up at around eight in the morning. Ang sarap sa feeling na makatulog ng maayos. I saw unread messages from Anton checking if I was still awake. I just typed in my reply and went out of the room. Kung saan ang mga nakahalukipkip na nagtatangkarang tito ko eh kausap ni dad na sabay sabay lumingon sakin. I even saw manang on the counter fixing the food.

“I’ll read the report later. Make sure that what you said happens.” Dad ordered, dismissing their discussion.

“Morning, sleepyhead. How’s sleep?” Si tito Raymond.

“Nakapagpahinga kaba ng ayos hija?” Tito Jovan asked.

“Don’t worry about-”

“Ronin.” Dad cut him off. I cleared my throat and sighed at the awkward air in the room. I know dad doesn’t want me to hear about it, pero alam kong si Lance ang pinaguusapan nila.

Lumapit ako sakanya at humalik sakanyang pisngi, he’s really okay now. Nakasimangot na sa umaga eh.

“Morning, dad.”

“Good morning. There’s breakfast. Ipahain mo kay manang, Reina.”

“Halika anak. Magalmusal ka muna. Hayaan mo ang daddy at mga tito mo.” Dinig kong tawag ni manang sa di kalayuan.

“Did the doctor come check on you today?” Tanong ko kay dad.

He scoffed at mas humalukipkip. I heard baritone laughters. “Your dad is stubborn hija. Ganyan pag tumatanda na.” Hirit ni tito Raymond na tinaliman ng titig ni daddy.

“Go. Eat your breakfast, princess.” Ani dad. Okay fine.

Tita Athena went home at around five in the morning sabi ni manang. Sinundo daw ni RJ. Kumakain ako habang nagkukwento siya sa tabi ko. Pinapanood ko naman si dad na may hawak na ipad habang nakikipagbulungan kay tito Ronin. I sighed. I just hope Lance will be imprisoned. Hindi ko nga alam kung kaya ko bang pumasok sa school dahil sa trauma na binigay niya sakin.

Sabay kaming napatingin ni manang ng magbeep ang phone ko. Agad siyang tumalikod at nagpatuloy sa pagpupunas habang ako naman ay binasa ang reply ni Anton.

“Good morning, baby. I just woke up. Breakfast?”

I pursed my lips to suppress my smile. “I’m now having breakfast. You?”

“Who are you texting?” Dad’s voice thundered from his bed. Agad akong napagitla. Kita ko ang galit niyang mukha at mapanuring titig ni tito Ronin na nangingisi.

“Ahm…” think. I need to think. “I’m talking to.. Pierce… w-why?”

“Don’t mind your father, hija. Eat.” Tito Ronin said meaningfully. Nagpatay malisya akong nagpatuloy sa pagkain.

The doctor came back an hour later, saying that dad is good to be discharged. Pero dahil madaming bilin sakanya, ako din ang kinausap ng doktor dahil tila ayaw makinig ng daddy. Lalo na nung sinabing bawasan ang paginom ng alak.

We were in dad’s car on our way home. Mahaba ang biyahe dahil anlayo pala ng pinagtaguan sakin ni Lance. Good thing that the medical center there has advanced technologies kaya naagapan si daddy. I can’t imagine.. ugh!

Suplado si dad na nakatulala at tila nagiisip. Habang kagat kagat ko naman ang labi na naghihintay ng reply ni Anton.

Halos mapatalon ako ng tumunog ang phone ko. Hindi ko nga lang mabuksan dahil agad na lumingon si dad sa gawi ko. I sighed.

I gasped when I remembered something. “Dad! Si Matt? How was he?”

Mula sa naniningkit niyang titig sa phone ko eh dumako ang tingin niya sakin at bumuntong hininga. “He’s admitted in SVMC. Matias is with him along with the other bodyguards.”

“Is he.. okay?”

“He’s recovering. We’ll pay him a visit tomorrow. Your doctor will be waiting us at home. For you to be thoroughly checked.”

Agad akong napangiti ng malungkot. “Can we see him now, please?”

Sinabi kong ayos naman na ako. I just wanted to visit Matt alone so he can rest at home but he insisted to come with me. Inutos ni dad na huwag munang dumiretso ng bahay. Agad akong nakonsensya. He needs to recover first.

“No. Take us to the mansion. I’ll visit him later.”

“No need. I’m fine. Let’s check on your bodyguard so you’ll have your peace of mind. Hindi ko nadin patutuluyin si doctor Acosta sa bahay. He’ll see you at SVMC.”

I sighed and didn’t argue anymore. I guess I really took after you, huh?

The bodyguards greeted us when we reached Matt’s room. Dad motioned for me to open the door and so I did. Agad kaming nilingon ni tito Matias. Tumayo ito at binati kami.

“Tito. I’m sorry.” Agad kong lapit. Nakita ko si Matt na tulog at nagpapahinga. “How’s he doing?”

Malungkot na ngumiti ang matanda. “Salamat sa pagdalaw Ria. Engineer. Nagkamalay na siya. Nagpapahinga lang ngayon.”

My eyes immediately watered. “I saw him. One of Lance’s men hit his head. Is he okay?” Atat kong tanong sa matandang pabalik balik samin ang tingin ni daddy.

“Wala namang seryosong komplikasyon. Malakas ang anak ko. Wala kang dapat ipagalala. Ikaw ang kamusta? Anong ginawa nila sayo hija?”

I inhaled deeply and the memories in that warehouse played in my mind all at once. Halos mapaluhod ako sa iyak kundi lang ako sinalo ni daddy.

“She’s safe now but I’ll need her to be checked after this. Kailan siya makakalabas?” Patungkol ni dad kay Matt, pagiiba nito ng usapan.

They talked while I watched Matt sleeping peacefully. Isang kislot at agad nagmulat ang mga mata niya.

Agad kong pinunasan ang mukhang basa ng luha. “Hey. How are you feeling?”

Ilang kurap pa at tumingin ito sakin saka umayos ng higa. “Ma’am. Mabuti at nakabalik kana. Anong nangyari sayo?”

I smiled sadly as he thinks of my own sake before his. Kahit na siya ang nakaratay ngayon sa hospital bed. I’m sorry.. I’m sorry for doubting you, Matt.

Umiling akong naiiyak at nasapo ang bibig. “I’m okay.” I muttered. “How about you? How are you? May masakit paba sayo?”

Hirap itong tumawa at sinubukang sumandal sa unan. I helped him. “Wala ito ma’am. Malayo sa bituka.” Stupid. You were stabbed in the abdomen!

We stayed there for a few more minutes. Halos di mabilang ang paghingi ko ng tawad kay Matt. Na siya namang nagsasabi na siya ang may kasalanan. Na siya ang patawarin ko dahil hindi niya ako naprotektahan.

“Please get well soon. I’ll wait for you. I need my driver.” Naiiyak kong biro kaya matamis naman itong ngumiti.

“She’s fine, Mr. Montecarlo. Though I recommend her to go see a psychiatrist, for the trauma she suffered. I don’t see any problem with her physically. Those bruises were from how she was captured. Kusa din naman itong mawawala.” Ani doktor.

“No. I won’t ignore the signs. Not this time.” Naiiling na si daddy na parit parito sa gilid namin. “I need you to do some laboratory tests. Get her blood specimen in order to check.” Matigas na sabi ni daddy sa nalilitong doktor.

“Ahm.. were you drugged hija?” Tanong ng doktor na agad kong itinanggi dahil hindi naman.

Bumuntong hininga ito at sinunod ang sinabe ni dad. Tumawag ito ng tulong para makuha ang hinihinging blood sample ko para macheck ng laboratory. I don’t know what’s going through dad’s mind but seriously, I’m okay. I guess.

The doctor’s right. I better go see a psychiatrist. I don’t think I can deal with this once I go back to school. Or would I want to go back to school?

Umuwi kami pagkatapos sa SVMC. Sa bahay na kami kumain ni daddy.

“I don’t recognize that. You got yourself a new ring?” Si dad na nakatuon ang tingin sa sariling pinggan.

Shoot. Agad kong naibaba ang water goblet para ibaba ang kaliwang kamay kung saan suot ang singsing na bigay ni Anton.

Dad’s eyebrow raised as he scoffed, hindi padin ako tinitignan. “I remember you don’t like those kinds of jewelries in particular, though you have your own. My gifts.” May diing sabi ni daddy.

“Ahm..” nangangapa ng salita. “Y-Yeah. Bago l-lang po.”

“Uhuh. And where did you get that?” Si dad ng saglit akong tapunan ng mariing tingin.

I cleared my throat and I can feel my sweat dripping from my forehead. “O-Online. I ordered it online.”

“Hmm.” Uminom ito ng tubig at nakatingin sa kawalan. Nanatili naman ang kamay kong nasa gitna ng hita sa ilalim ng lamesa.

“And your earrings too?”

Fuck. Simple kong hinawi ang buhok. I’m wearing Anton’s earrings.

“Regalo po.. nung d-debut ko.” Please. Let this conversation die.

“Ah. From who?” How sounded interested though you can hear his sarcasm.

“C-Classmate.” Tipid kong sagot at agad sumubo ng kanin.

I saw how dad’s jaw clenched tightly as he watched my face intently. Until unting namawis ang kamay ko sa kaba.

Halos mapabuntong hininga ako ng nanahimik na pagkatapos. Minadali ko ang pagkain at nagpaalam na magpapahinga muna. Pinaalala niya sakin ang schedule ko para makausap ang psychiatrist.

I chose not to tell Anton of what happened. I guess I’m just being paranoid. Tama naman si dad. Sa lahat ng accessories, hikaw at singsing at pinakaayaw ko. Kahit na nireregaluhan niya ako.

“Can I see you tomorrow instead? Pagtapos ko kay Amiel. I can pick you up.” Si Anton sa FaceTime pagsapit ng gabi.

I smiled. “It’s okay. I want to see.. Amiel too. I can just pay him a visit.”

“Okay. I can pick you up para sabay na tayong pumunta. Nasa condo ako ngayon. Dito ako matutulog.” I bit my lip as I watched him on the screen of my iphone. Nakasandong puti na nakahiga sa kama at nakapahinga pa ang braso sa noo.

“Reina?”

“Ahm.. ano. Huwag na. Para di mahalata ni dad. Ako na.. ang pupunta.”

I heard him exhale. “Alright. I’ll see you there then?”

“Yeah. S-See you tomorrow.”

Sinabi kong matutulog na ako ng hindi na matagalan pa ang titig ni Anton. Binaba nya ang tawag at sinabing tatawagan nalang ako bukas.

“I’ll come with you.” Ani dad nung nagbbreakfast kami kinabukasan.

Agad akong napalunok. Wala namang masama doon. Pero.. “ahm dad.. how about you rest po muna? You can visit Amiel naman some other time? Pwedeng.. ako po muna.. ngayon.”

His eyes immediately squinted before me as his brows furrowed. I can feel my heart beating so loud because of nervousness.

“I’m fine. I don’t need rest. I have work.” Asik ni dad.

“I know but you know the doctor’s recommendations. You should rest to fully recover. Huwag niyo po biglain ang katawan niyo daddy. You should be on leave right now.” I said with full sincerity. Hindi ako komportable na magkasama kami at ni Anton sa iisang silid, lalo na nung tinanong niya ang tungkol sa mga bigay ni Anton kahapon. Hindi ko alam kung nagdududa ba siya, pero totoo namang mas gusto ko na magpahinga ang daddy. Pwede niya namang bisitahin si Amiel sa ibang araw.

“Hmm. Fine.”

Halos mabunutan ako ng tinik ng makumbinsi ang daddy na huwag muna sumama. Wala akong inaksayang oras at pagtapos ng agahan ay nagayos na para bumalik ng SVMC.

Tatlong bodyguard ang kasama ko sasakyan at may nakaconvoy pa sakin na bodyguards din. I don’t want to display this kind of security as I might catch attention but I have no choice, utos ni dad at.. mas nakampante din ako. Na umalis ng ako lang.

Agad akong nahabag ng di mapigilan ni tita Elisse na maiyak ng yakapin ako. Masaya siya na ligtas akong nakauwi mula sa nangyari, pero sobra naman itong nagaalala para sa bunsong anak.

“I don’t know how this could happen. I mean, my son has a lot of friends. Wala siyang nakakaaway. Who would do this?” She cried as I tried my best to comfort her while I am being eaten by guilt in front of her.

Tahimik naman ang seryosong si tito Amer sa tabi niya na pinapanood kami. Sa gilid niya si Anton na nakatingin sa akin.

“He’ll get better.. tita. I’m sorry.. for what happened.” Hindi ko alam kung anong mukhang ihaharap ko sa walang kaalam alam na si tita Elisse.

She forced a smile while her face is wet with tears “This is not your doing, hija. The police is already investigating on the cause of the fight. There might be a gang involved. There’s also an angle that the police are looking into about our business. I don’t know. Hindi sinasabe ni Amer sakin ang imbestigasyon.”

Igting panga namang nagiwas ng tingin si tito Amer at bumaling sa natutulog na anak. I swallowed hard. Does.. tito know?

Tita Elisse held my hand and turned to Amiel who is still sleeping, may mga nakakabit sa bibig at katawan. “I just want my son back. I want my son to be better.”

I’m sorry, tita. Amiel. I’m sorry. This shouldn’t have happened to you.

This is all my fault. Kahit na sabihin ng iba na wala akong kasalanan. Ako ang puno’t dulo nito. Lance was right. I am so naive. A pushover. I was deceived and I paid the price. What’s worse, nadamay pa si Amiel at Matt sa nangyari.

I stepped out of the private room dahil hindi kinakaya ng konsensya ko na makita si Amiel na may mga tubo sa katawan. I cried silently at the corridor.

“I know what you’re thinking, stop it baby.” I heard Anton behind me. Agad ko siyang nilingon.

Mas nalukot pa ang mukha at lalong naiyak ng marahan niya akong hilahin para sa yakap.

“Stop overthinking, please. This was never your fault. You were all victims. You can’t do this to yourself, Reina.” Ani Anton habang hinahagod ang likod ko.

“’No. It’s my fault.. si Amiel… nadamay siya… because.. because Lance thought I’m with him… he thought he’s my boyfriend.. k-kaya siya sinaktan.”

Naramdaman ko ang pigil sa paghinga ni Anton at ang paghigpit ng kanyang yakap. “T-Tita said.. about your business. He’s your competitor, right? He wanted to establish a partnership with us but he failed. That’s why.. akala niya..”

“It should’ve been me.” Anton grunted. “Not my brother. I’m your boyfriend. They wanted to get back on us, because they can’t even have their business prosper. Fuck.”

I shook my head and cry. “I-I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Anton.”

Dinig ko ang singhap niya. I loosen up the hug to see his face. His eyes are shut and he’s gritting his teeth. He’s angry.

“They’re dealing with drugs, Anton. I’ve seen it. In their warehouse. Nasa mga furnitures nila ang mga iyon.”

He opened his eyes and drown me with his crystal gaze. Namumungay ang mata nitong pinunasan ang aking luha.

“I’m coordinating with Marco about this. To help us with the investigation.”

He held my shoulders and planted a kiss on my forehead. “It’s my fault. Not yours, baby. The very reason you were targeted was because you were connected to our family. To me. Kami ang kalaban ng hayop na iyon.”

I know that. I understand what’s happening but.. still. If I didn’t entertain Lance and treated him as a friend..

“You motherfucker!”

Napatalon ako at napalingon sa likod ng makita ang galit na si daddy palapit kasunod si tito Ronin.

“D-Dad.” Agad akong lumayo kay Anton. “What are you doing here? I thought-”

He walked past me and I screamed when I saw him pushed Anton on his chest making him immediately landed on the floor.

“I told you! You fucking stay away from my daughter!” Dad’s voice thundered. Dinig na dinig sa buong pasilyo ang sigaw ng daddy.

“Anton! Daddy!” I tried to pull his arm but he turned to me with menacing stare. Kumalas ito sa pagkakahawak ko at kinwelyuhan si Anton. Anton didn’t even flinch.

“Tito-”

“Don’t call me that! You’re not my family!” He said pointing at Anton’s face.

“What’s happening? Rico? Anton?” Si tita Elisse na kabubukas lang ng silid ni Amiel.

“What is going on? Anong ginagawa mo sa anak ko Rico!” Histerikal na awat ni tita Elisse.

I tried to pull him away from Anton. “Daddy. Please. Why are you-”

“Putangina mo! Anong ginagawa mo sa anak ko!” Dad punched Anton’s face and I heard tita Elisse screamed.

“Pare. Anong nangyayari?” Si Amer na sinubukang umawat.

“Your son, Amer, is in a relationship with Ria.” Si tito Ronin na nasa likod ko. Agad akong nanlamig at naestatwa sa kinatatayuan.

“What?” Si tita Elisse. I saw tito Amer’s eyes darted on me.

“I warned you, boy. You didn’t listen. You were taking advantage of my daughter!” Si daddy na aamba muli ng suntok kay Anton na hindi natitinag.

“Daddy stop!” I pulled hard on dad’s arm para lang mapigilan siyang muling suntukin si Anton. Gosh. We are making a scene here.

“What? You must be mistaken. Ria? Anton what is this?” Si tita Elisse na palipat lipat samin ang tingin.

“Sir. Let me explain-”

“Hindi ka nagtatanda. I fucking told you to stay in Barcelona to leave my daughter alone. You motherfucker!” Si dad na muling lumapit kay Anton para sa panibagong suntok. Agad umawat si tito Amer. May mga security din na lumapit at nurses na pinapatahimik kami sa mga nadidistorbong pasyente but dad is too mad. He’s the tallest man in the room and no one can stop him. Muling napaupo si Anton sa sahig matapos niyang muling masuntok kahit na inawat ng isang guard, ni tito Amer at ni tito Ronin.

“Daddy!”

“Pare maghunos dili ka.”

“Ma’am. Sir. Mawalang galang na po. Pero may nagpapahinga po kasi tayong patients sa kabilang room. Baka po pwedeng-”

“Rico will you stop it? What the hell is going on?” Tita Elisse immediately went to Anton.

“Why don’t you see for yourself, Elisse.” Si tito Ronin na sumingit at hinagis sa sahig ang envelop kung saan sumabog ang mga pictures… namin ni Anton.

Halos manlaki ang mata ko sa nakita. May mga kuha sa cctv ng parking ng penthouse. Sa may sasakyan ni Anton. Sa labas ng unit ko. Mayroon ding kuha sa school at sa mismong condo ni Anton.

What the fuck.

Isa isang dinampot ni tita Elisse ang mga litrato at tinignan. Saka bumaling ang tingin niya sakin.

I stared at tito Ronin who is eyeing me cautiously. “I know everything. You are guarded by my men. And you are living in my tower, hija. I’m just filtering the information I’m feeding your father all this time.”

No. No.

“Sir. I’m sorry. Please. Wala ho akong-”

“Hah!” Angil ni dad at muling dinuro si Anton.

“Dad. Your heart! Please! Calm down!” Awat ko kay daddy. You just survive a heart attack. You can’t be like this!

“This can’t be. What..” si tita Elisse na di makapaniwala.

“The Dela Vega was your competitor. They cannot take you down so they targeted Ria because of her connection with your heir. In this case, they’ve mistaken Amiel as Anton. Ria’s real boyfriend.” Salaysay ni tito Ronin.

Halos kapusin ako sa hininga sa narinig. They know. Dad knows about us. Tito Ronin told him.

“Pinapahamak mo ang anak ko! You were the reason why she was abducted! I almost lost my daughter because of you!”

Anton quickly stood up. Hindi ininda ang mga suntok kay daddy kahit na may dugo na ito sa labi. “I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I would never wish Reina to be-”

“I don’t fucking care about your fucking opinion!” Dad shouted so loud I almost feel the ground shaking.

“How can you say that, Rico? My son was also hurt because of this! You can’t blame us-”

“Pare. Huminahon ka. Walang gusto ng nangyari. Iniimbestigahan-”

“The only reason we are still connected is because I’m honoring your friendship with my wife. But if keeping you close will bring harm to my only daughter, then we should fucking cut ties from each other!”

No. Daddy!

“Dad. Please. Calm down.” I tried to hug his back, crying. Please.

“I’m pulling off my shares in full. And you, boy, you are fucking fired!”

No!

“What?”

“Rico-”

“No! You can’t-”

Dad turned to me abruptly with fire and rage from his eyes. “And you, child. Let’s go home.” He said and immediately pulled me away from the scene. So fast I cannot even react. Nilingon ko si Anton na tinawag ako.

“Reina. Sir please.” Nagsusumamong tawag ni Anton.

“Let’s go, Reina Ariane!” Sigaw ni dad at muli akong hinila palabas. Leaving everyone behind.

Kabanata 30

I had to jog just to match dad’s pace of walking. Agad kaming pumasok ng elevator at pinindot niya ang ground floor.

“Argh-” I panicked when I heard dad grunt in pain. Halos mataranta ako ng napapikit ito at napahawak sa dibdib.

“Daddy! Are you alright? Ano pong nararamda-”

“I’m fine! We’re going home!” He turned to me with dagger yet bloodshot eyes.

Napalabi akong nawalan ng imik. I swallowed hard and stood still beside him.

“You disobeyed me. You have been lying to me. All this time.” Parang punyal na tumatarak sa puso ko ang mga salitang sinabi niya.

“I-I’m s-sorry.” Until unting nanlalabo ang paningin ko sa mga nagbabadyang luha.

“Just.. how dare you lie to me, Reina Ariane! I told you! You are not allowed to have a boyfriend! Are you out of your mind? You just turned eighteen for Goddamn’s sake! I should sue him for taking advantage of you! That fucking pedophile!” He roared at halos maramdaman kong umuga ang sinasakyang elevator sa galit ng daddy.

“Dad no.. don’t say that. He’s not-” Shit! What? This is crazy!

“Oh yeah? And you dare defend that motherfucker! Watch and you’ll see.” He smirked ruthlessly.

That left me dumbfounded. I know I’m wrong but isn’t dad just overreacting? I’m no longer a minor. What the fuck?!

Hanggang sa makababa ay dinig ko ang mabigat na paghinga ng daddy. I am worried because of his condition. I am guilty because if anything happens to him because of what he learned about Anton and I.. I don’t think…

Derederetso ang lakad namin palabas kung saan naghihintay ang sasakyan sa harap ng ospital.

“Get in!” Angil ni dad ng marahas niyang binuksan ang pinto ng backseat ng sasakyan. Our bodyguards are scattered waiting for dad’s orders.

Nanginginig ako sa takot na sumakay. Sumunod siyang pumasok at padarag na sinara ang pinto. Kita ko ang nagaalangan na tingin ng tauhan sa rearview mirror.

“Drive. Now!” Dad roared made the driver twitched from his seat and immediately maneuvered the steering wheel.

I felt my phone vibrated on my pocket kaya kita ko sa peripheral ko ang matalim na tingin ng lumingon sa gawi ko si dad.

Shit.

“Give me your phone.” He ordered.

“P-Po-”

“Give me your phone, Reina Ariane!” Muli akong nanginig at halos mapapikit ng marinig ang malakas na sigaw ng daddy. Nanatili namang tahimik ang dalawa naming tauhan sa unahan. The rest of the bodyguards are tailing us on a separate car.

My hand is shaking as I tried to fish my phone from my pocket as quick as I could. Hindi ko pa nahahawakan ng ayos ay mabilis na hinablot ni daddy yon sa kamay ko.

“How long..” tila hirap na binigkas ni daddy.

I turned to him as his weight shifted.

“How long have you been in a relationship with that motherfucker?!”

“Dad.. please..”

“You’re too young.. too young for him. He took advantage of you. I should have known.”

“D-Dad.. hindi po-”

“Then what do you call that?! You kept this from me! I had one rule for your young lady, and yet! Fucking-”

“I-I’m sorry..”

“From now on you are not allowed to be in contact with that boy. In fact, you are not allowed be in contact with anyone from his family without my knowledge. Even your friends. All your gadgets will be confiscated and strictly monitored from now on.”

Napasinghap ako sa narinig. You seriously can’t do this. This is too much!

“Manang Lupe will be picking up all your things  left at the penthouse tomorrow. You’re staying back in the mansion. With me. Where I can have my eyes on you. All the time. Do you understand?”

I swallowed hard. This.. this is… “Do you understand me, Reina Ariane?!” I flinched and reluctantly nodded. When will this conversation end? I’m worried for him and he’s fuming mad. This is not helping at all!

“You.. disappoint me, child. You disappoint me very much.”

Pain pierced through my chest as I am catching my breath. It breaks my heart to hear daddy being disappointed in me. He never was. He supported me in everything. Even me transitioning to become the person I wanted to be. A transwoman like mommy.

Nanatili akong walang imik sa takot na magtalo kami at makasama sa daddy.

The entire ride was exhausting. Hindi na ako kinibo ni dad pagtapos pero dinig ko buong byahe ang kanyang pagtikhim at marahas na pagbuntong hininga. Halos magsugat naman ang ibabang labi ko sa kakakagat.

Padarag nyang binuksan ang pinto ng SUV at matikas na bumaba. Agad akong sinalubong ng matalim nyang titig. I swallowed hard and made fine movements in getting out of the car. Ramdam ko ang pagsunod ng tingin niya sa galaw ko.

“Sir! Ria! Salamat sa Diyos. Anong-”

“Let’s get inside.” Dad in his menacing authoritative voice as he walked past manang Lupe.

Our men spread outside the mansion and stood guard habang pumasok kaming tatlo ni manang. Marahang hinaplos ni manang ang likod ko kasabay ng nag aalalang tingin.

“Naghanda ako ng tanghalian. Kumain kayo ng daddy mo Ria.” Mahinang bulong nito.

I watched daddy’s broad back as he walked in front of us. His heavy breathing bothered me and guilt disrupted my intestines. Oh daddy.

“Sir. Tumawag ho kani kanina lang si ma’am Elisse. Hinahanap ka. Gusto ho kayo maka-”

Halos mapagitla ako at mabilis na napatigil sa paglalakad ng biglang bumaling samin ang daddy. Eyes bloodshot, jaw’s clenching aggressively.

“From now on you will not be entertaining any calls from the Rodriguezes. None of their family members will be allowed to set foot in the-”

My jaw almost dropped on the floor. “Ho? Sandali sir.. ano ho bang nangyari-” hindi mapigilang putol ni manang.

Dad scoffed and his eyes immediately darted at me. Dismissing manang’s question.

“Eat and freshen up. You’ll be staying in your room all day. You. Are. Grounded. You are not allowed to leave the mansion. Not without my knowledge and my permission. I’m confiscating your laptop and your iPad. Do you understand?” His words are like daggers stabbing my chest.

Shit.

“Dad-”

“Now! And don’t you dare disobey me, child. If I have to cage you here so you stay away from that boy then so be it!” Halos pumintig ang ugat niya sa leeg sa pagsigaw. I heard gasps from behind.

“Sir. Hindi ho ba kayo magtatanghal-”

“Prepare her lunch, manang.” Dad dismissed at akmang lalakad patungong study.

“D-Dad. You n-need to eat. Iinom ka po ng gamot-”

“I’m fine! Now go eat and stay in your fucking room, Reina Ariane!” Dad’s voice thundered before walking out. Mabilis itong pumasok sa study at napapikit ako sa padarag na pagsara niya ng pinto.

My breathing hitched and tears immediately pooled on the side of my eyes. Mabilis namang dumalo sakin si manang.

“Halika na, hija. Hayaan mo at dadalhan ko ng pagkain ang daddy mo. Kumain kana para makapagpahinga ka.”

Tuluyan ng bumagsak ang luha ko sa hapagkainan. My mind went haywire that I struggled to chew my food. Tahimik na naghahain si manang ng tumayo ito sa tabi ko.

“Ano bang nangyari, hija? Galit na galit ang daddy mo at nagmamadaling umalis nung dumating si Mr. Del Mundo dito kanina. Ikaw ang binabanggit. Nagkita ba kayo? Saan ka niya sinundo?”

I cried and shook my head. It’s my fault, anyway. I deserve dad’s resentment.

“Tumawag ang tita Elisse mo. Umiiyak. Ang sabi ay gustong makausap ang daddy mo. Importante. Nagkaalitan ba ang daddy mo at ang mga Rodriguez, hija?”

Kahit walang gana ay pilit akong kumain ng tanghalian. Not when I can hear glasses breaking inside the study. Mabagal ang bawat pagsubo ko. Ni hindi din masagot ang mga tanong ni manang.

Tita Elisse’s face flashed on my mind. How she is almost worried sick to her youngest son lying on a hospital bed, and witnessed her eldest being fired and beaten by daddy. He even threatened to withdraw his shares because he found out that I am in a relationship with Anton. Dad is infuriated. He’s likely to do anything he pleases now.

Nang walang napalang sagot ay hinayaan ako ni manang na tapusin ang pagkain at nagpaalam sakin na dadalhan ng pananghalian ang daddy. Walang gana akong umalis ng hapagkainan ng di pa napapangalahati ang pinggan.

I walked past the closed door of dad’s study. I heaved a deep sigh. Please eat, daddy. You need to take your medication. You iust survived a heart attack for God’s sake!

I then went upstairs and cried myself in the shower.

Tulala akong nakatitig sa repleksyon ko sa vanity mirror habang nagpapatuyo ng buhok ng nakarinig ako ng muntik katok. Bumukas ang pintuan at iniluwa noon si manang. Malamlam ang mga mata at marahang lumapit.

“Galit ang daddy mo. Umiinom at nagbasag ng mga gamit.” Nagaalalang sambit nito.

I bit my lower lip and sighed. Napailing ako sa inis. “He’s not allowed to drink. Did he eat his lunch, manang?”

Bumuntong hininga ang matanda. “Ayaw kumain ng daddy mo pero iniwanan ko ng tanghalian at ng gamot niya. Pinagsabihan ko naman. Bilin niya na kunin ko ang mga gadgets mo anak.”

I haven’t touched any of those gadgets yet as I took time to shower and just when I remember to check Anton, agad ng nakalapit si manang sa kama para kunin ang iPad ko. Aalma sana ako pero lumapit na siya sa study table ko at kinuha naman ang macbook ko.

“Manang-”

“Bilin ito ng ama mo Ria. Huwag kana munang sumuway.”

“Can I please.. just please have a minute to check my messages?”

Manang sighed but she didn’t falter. “Bilin ng daddy mo na wala kang kahit sinong kakausapin anak. Lalo na.. ang mga Rodriguez. Sabi niya.”

Malungkot itong ngumiti at lumabas na ng kwarto dala ang gamit ko.

I swallowed hard and watched her closed my bedroom door. Hindi ko manlang nakita kung nagtext or tumawag si Anton! I left my iPad on silent!

How is he? I hope he’s okay. He didn’t deserve dad’s punches. And he didn’t seem to even want to fight back. Hinayaan niya lang ang daddy.

So you knew? That.. dad knows something about us?

He said.. he wanted Anton to stay in Barcelona. Kelan iyon? Kelan siya nakakutob ng tungkol samin?

I stared at the ceiling and I drowned myself in overthinking and when my head started to hurt, I fell asleep.

I slept for hours and I woke up feeling under the weather. Umuulan din ng matanaw ko ang labas. Gosh. What time is it?

Hearing the rain pitter-patter soothes me. Lalo akong tinamad bumangon. I’m grounded anyway. I covered myself with my blanket and tried to go back to sleep but to no avail. Hindi na ako ulit inantok.

Muli kong nilingon ang bintanang naampiyasan ng ulan. Suddenly my heart starts beating faster.

How are you? Tanong sa isip ko.

Bumuntong hininga ako at inabot ang remote ng aircon at in-off ito. Bumangon ako at napaupo sa gilid ng kama. Pinagmamasdan padin ang bugso ng ulan.

I think I need a hot chocolate.

Before I can call for a request, I found myself walking towards the glass door to the terrace and open it. Drops of rain showered to my face dahil umaampiyas ito sa terrace.

Akmang isasara ko ang glass door ng mahagip ng mata ko ang isang bulto sa labas. I shifted to get a clearer look and my mouth immediately dropped open.

I won’t be mistaken. That physique. I know.

It’s him.

Fuck! What? What are you doing? Why are you here?

“No…”

Hindi ko na naisip na isara ang malaking salamin sa kwarto at nagmadaling lumabas at kumaripas ng takbo pababa ng grand staircase. Di pinansin ang mga kasambahay na bumabati.

Anton is outside our gates! Standing in the rain and soaking wet! What the hell? How long have you been standing there? Madilim na! You’ll get sick!

Halos marating ko na ang ibabang palapag ng marinig ko ang malalaking tinig.

“And?”

“Ayaw padin umalis sir eh. Gusto daw makita si ma’am kahit sagl-”

“The fuck I’ll let him! He has the guts to come all this way for his bullshit! Make him go away or else!” Si dad!

“Maghihintay daw-”

My footsteps echoed upon stepping on the granite floor. Agad silang napatigil at sabay na napalingon ang isa naming bodyguard at si daddy na nakareading glasses sa may living room. Agad akong inugat sa kinatatayuan. I watched dad’s expression turned darker.

“You need something?” Dad raised a brow at me. Nakapolo shirt na ito at nakapamewang na bumaling sa direksyon ko.

“Ahm…” napalunok ako at hindi makakuha ng salita. I bit my lower lip and tried to look outside the main door.

“Why are you here? You’re supposed to be in your room, Reina Ariane.” He said carefully as if giving me a warning.

I inhaled deeply. I turned to dad who’s waiting for an answer. “D-Daddy-”

“Tell manang to make you a hot chocolate. You go wait in your room. She’ll call you when dinner is ready.” He dismissed me and turned back to one of our men.

“Make him leave or I’ll put him to-”

“Dad.. I saw.. si..-” halos magpanabay naming sabi.

He immediately shifted back his weight to me and I trembled to the core. “What did you say?”

“D-Dad… please.. it’s raining heavily outside-”

Dad scoffed and gave a look of disbelief. Agad akong napasinghap.

“Oh yeah? And? How did you know about this? Did you two talk about this, Reina Ariane?!”

Naiiyak akong umiling iling. No. I didn’t know he will come here.

“Answer me! That bastard is outside our gates for hours! What did he fucking tell you?! Did you two have plans to leave-”

“Wala po dad! We haven’t talk after.. because.. dad you have my phone. Just.. please.. if he wants to talk-”

“Stop lying to me!” His voice thundered. Halos manginig ako sa takot at pagaalala sa estado ng puso ng daddy. He turned his back on me only to face me back in a snap. He covered his mouth and scratched his beard. “Is that why he gave you that ring?” My mouth dropped open with his accusation. Nananantya ang matalim na tingin.

What? How did he know..

Napasinghap ako ng makita itong galit na ngumisi. Tito Ronin…

“Hah! I can’t believe you! How could you?!”

Nakagat ko ang labi. Hindi maproseso ang dismayang pinapakita ng daddy.

“How cheap! Did he ask for your hand-”

“Dad h-hindi po ganon-”

Nanginginig ang kamay sa galit niya akong dinuro “Lies!”

Napapikit ako sa pagpigil pa ng mga panibagong luha. I am not. It hurts me to see that daddy thinks I’m a liar.

“You… you will never speak a word with that boy, child. You are not allowed to see him. Ever again! I’m telling you. Go back to your room. Now!”

Isang senyas ni dad ay agad umalis ang kausap na tauhan at agad na may lumapit sakin na kasambahay na noon ay naglilinis para igiya ako pabalik sa taas. I tried to protest but dad is not listening. One of our house helpers is hesitant to hold me in my forearm and escort me upstairs dahil agad akong nagpumiglas.

“Don’t touch me!” I said angrily.

Agad nahiya at napaatras ang kasambahay. “Pasensya na po ma’am. Tara na ho-”

I’m about to curse her when dad cut my words midair.

“My patience is already hanging by a thread, Reina. Don’t push me to my limits and it would be very bad for you. Go back upstairs. You will be called when dinner is ready.” Dad’s menacing stare warned me to stop. Napasinghap ako at mabilis na umakyat pabalik ng kwarto sa galit. Agad namang sumunod ang natatarantang kasambahay.

Mabilis ko ulit na sinilip si Anton pagkabalik ng kwarto. He’s still standing there. My heart breaks seeing him like this.

I’m sorry.

I wanted to shout. I wanted to call his name. I want him to know that I can see him.

But I couldn’t find the strength to do so.

How my heart is beating so fast I wanted to be in his arms.

Could this.. be really love?

Is this how mom feels.. when she.. long for dad?

Patuloy ang pamamasa ng aking pisngi sa mga luha na hindi ko namalayan ang minutong lumipas at nakapasok na si manang ng kwarto ko.

“Ria anak.”

Even when she called me, I couldn’t take my eyes off Anton. I took a slow step closer to the glass door. It’s still raining heavily and I don’t mind getting wet. Kung maampyasan man ako ng ulan. Pakiramdam ko kulang to kumpara sa kung ano man ang estado nya ngayon.

Naramdaman ko ang kamay ng matanda sa aking balikat at bumaba ang tingin ko sa isang kamay niyang may hawak na hot chocolate. Malamang utos ni dad.

“Naaampyasan ka hija. Magkakasakit ka. Heto inumin mo muna itong tinimpla ko.” Pinahawak niya sakin ang mug ng hot chocolate at siya na ang nagsara ng sliding door sa kwarto.

My mouth immediately opened but no words came out of it.

I wanted to stop her. Tell her it’s okay.

But I can’t.

I don’t know.

Nagtagal ang tingin niya sa labas bago ito humarap sakin at malungkot na ngumiti.

“Narinig ko sa mga kasambahay. Pinuntahan ka niya?”

I inhaled and my eyes went down again on the mug of hot chocolate. How its warmth soothes my cold hands.

I bit my lower lip as I tried to suppress my sobs. I want to stop crying.

I will not entertain questions about us.

Dinig ang buntong hininga ni manang ng humakbang siya palapit sakin. “Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nangyayari. Kung bakit galit na galit ang daddy mo sa kay.. sir Anton. At sa kanyang pamilya.” Maingat na sabi ng matanda.

Ang magaspang nitong kamay ay pinahid ang mga luha sa aking kaliwang pisngi.

“Mabait siyang bata hija. Halos nakita ko na kung paano siya lumaki. Tanda kong kinagigiliwan din iyan noon ng mommy mo.. noong nabubuhay pa siya.”

Agad umangat ang tingin ko sa sinabi ni manang Lupe. She smiled at me with worried eyes.

“Noong hinihintay ka nilang isilang, lagi andito sa mansyon ang batang iyon dahil gustong gusto ni madame ng bata. Excited siya sa pagdating mo sa buhay nilang mag-asawa, na natuon panadalian ang atensyon niya sa batang Anton. Kaya lagi niyang pinapapunta si ma’am Elisse mo dito.”

Maliit itong napangiti. “Napakakulit. Batang iyon. At laging naglalaro.”

My chest hammered that it hurts hearing her stories about my mom.. with Anton.

“Kaya alam kong mabait siya. Kung ano man ang kinakagalit ng ama mo.. nasisiguro kong hindi dahil sa pinagmalupitan o pinakitunguhan ka ng masama ni sir Anton.”

I bit my lower lip trying to stop my tears from falling. “I just.. how long has he been standing there manang?” I managed to say.

Manang exhaled and tilted her head. She stared at me with meaningful eyes.

“Kanina pa hija. Inabutan na ng dilim. Hindi pinapapasok ng daddy mo at pinapaalis pero nanatili siya sa labas. Hanggang sa inabutan na ng ulan.”

Hinawakan niya ang mga kamay kong nakahawak sa hot chocolate. “Nag aalala ka. Magiging maayos din ang lahat hija. Alam mong hindi ka matitiis ng daddy mo. Mahal na mahal nun ang unica hija niya. Pasasaan pa at huhupa din ang galit nun sayo.”

It triggered my tears to fall hard. I know that but this time, I know that I hurt him so much that I made him feel disappointed in me. Hearing his words earlier is like putting a knife in my heart knowing that my dad can’t accept this. He just simply cannot.

I sniffed and held my head high. Trying to see things clearly. What I think things should be for now.

“Pwede niyo po ba siyang kausapin manang?” Mababa kong sabi.

Tipid na ngumiti ang matanda. “Oo naman. Anong sasabihin ko sa daddy mo?”

I took a deep breath and swallowed hard. Manang gave me a confused look as I shook my head.

“Si Anton manang.”

Natigilan ito at napatitig sakin. Tila hindi maproseso ang nadinig.

I sighed. “Please. Talk to him for me. I don’t want him to get sick.”

“I want him to go home.”

Manang’s lips parted as she inhaled. “O-oh sige.. p-pero hija.. kanina pa doon si sir Anton sa labas. Paano kung ayaw niyang umalis?”

I sighed. “Then make him go home. That’s what I want manang. I want him to leave.”

Napalabi ito at mariin akong tinitigan. Tila binabasa ang iniisip ko.

I took a deep breath and keep my head high. “Make him leave. Make him go home.” I said with finality.

“You’re did great. How are you feeling, Ria?” Tanong ng psychiatrist ng matapos ang session namin.

I have been doing this for the past eight months. Someone recommended to dad for me to go see a psychiatrist. So I can overcome the traumatic experience I had when I was abducted.

At first it was difficult and draining. It’s exhausting to relive those scenarios in my head. How I was abducted due to my naivety. How I got violated and almost got raped. To witnessed someone being killed in front of me.

My surrogate mother. My stepsister.

All because I trusted someone who I thought was a genuine friend. That stupid trust almost cost me my life and, by extension, my dad’s. How I still blame myself after everything that happened to him. If only I wasn’t hardheaded. If I only just listened, he wouldn’t be hospitalized. Hindi siya aatakehin sa puso sa labis na pag aalala na halos kumitil ng kanyang buhay.

I almost got orphaned. I almost lost my remaining family. I can never learn to forgive myself because of that.

Guilt filled my entire system. Na kahit nagpapapsychiatrist ako buwan buwan, hindi ko tuluyang maalis sa isip ko ang mga posibleng nangyari noon.

Dad was very patient with me through all this. He knows and he understands. How I feel is what matters to him most. He wants me to heal from all this. He doesn’t want me to keep blaming myself for what happened.

Both of us were in counseling. Kahit siya ay nagpapsychiatrist din ng iilang sessions kasama ko. Dahil narin sa labis na takot na inidulot sakanya ng nangyari sakin.

“It was never your fault, princess.” He said one night noong siya ang naghatid ng hot chocolate ko sa kwarto ko bago ako matulog.

He wiped the tears on my cheek and hugged me tight. “I don’t want you to keep on blaming yourself for what happened. It’s me. I should be the one to blame. I failed to protect you. I couldn’t forgive myself. I no longer have the face to look at your mother when the time will finally come for us to meet in the afterlife for I broke my only promise to her. If only I was decisive and more vigilant. I could’ve prevented all of this. You wouldn’t have suffered in the hands of those bastards.” He said as his voice broke. I know he’s suppressing his tears. I know what happened hurt him too. It gave him trauma.

Napasinghot ako sa nagbabadyang luha at naging hudyat yon para marahan akong hilahin ng daddy at ikulong sa mahigpit na yakap.

“No.. I’m.. s-sorry daddy.. hindi mo din po kasalanan..”

“Sshh. Hush now. I’m here. You are safe. I swear It will never happen ever again. You won’t go through that pain again.” Hirap man ngunit pilit akong inaalu ng daddy.

Unlike me, dad had to focus on our business and since I don’t want him to always worry about my well-being, naging consistent ako sa appointment ko sa aking psychiatrist. Naging focus nya ang pag papatherapy sakin pagkatapos ng nangyari. Hindi ko narin nagawang makapasok pa ng school. Ni hindi ako nakapagpaalam sa mga kaklase, o sa mga professors. Kay Pierce.

Sa kay…. Anton.

Tinotoo ng daddy ang banta nya. I don’t know how he did it. Pero naputol talaga ang kahit anong ugnayan namin sa pamilya nila. Heck I am not even allowed to watch news or read articles if it’s about them. Tito Ronin made sure of that dahil nakawire tapped ang mga gadgets ko ng ibalik ito sakin ni daddy makalipas nag ilang buwan.

Nawalan ako ng social life because of what happened. Nang gumaling si Matt at nadischarged sa ospital ay bumalik siyang personal bodyguard ko. Kahit na hindi naman ako nakakalabas ng bahay. All my social media accounts were deactivated. Nagagamit ko lang ang iPad at ang macbook ko para sa studies. Iba narin ang number ko. That made sure that there’s no way I will be contacted by anyone from the Rodriguezes. Not even my classmates. My friends.

With the help of dad’s connections, mabilis niyang naayos ang mga dokumento ko ng tumigil ako sa SVU at mabilis niya akong naenroll sa kaparehong kurso ko online. I’ve been studying at home since then.

Though merong lapses, dahil minsan lumiliban ako sa klase dahil sa schedule ko sa psychiatrist, at sa minsang pagkakasakit, ayaw ng daddy na tumigil ako sa pag-aaral. Giit nya eh ayaw nyang sumama ang loob ng mommy sa kanya, kung hindi ko matatapos ang studies ko.

After a year, we decided to go abroad for a vacation. Nirekomenda din ng psychiatrist for me to breathe at hindi masuffocate sa paulit ulit na nakikita sa bahay. bahay. She wants me to start going out, see the world again. Aniya ay para makatulong sakin magcope ang unti unting pagkakaroon ulit ng buhay sa labas. Takot man ang daddy, pero sinunod padin niya ang sinabi sa amin at nagpasyang isama ako sa isang project na bibisitahin nya sa Macao. He took that opportunity for me to have the said vacation dahil kasama ko naman siya at matututukan nya ang aking seguridad. Iyon nalang ulit ang pagkakataon na nakalabas ako ng bahay pagkatapos ng masamang nangyari.

We stayed in Macao for two weeks. Kasama si manang Lupe, at Matt na inatasang magbantay sa akin. We roamed the place and he let me shop for new things. Madalas rin akong nasasama sa mga board meetings, getting me exposed to what our business is all about.

“One day, you will be the head of our company.” He said one night at dinner.

Ramdam kong unti unting bumabalik ang gaan sa daddy, hindi man ganung lubos na masaya alam ko, dahil hindi namin kasama ang mommy, pero unti unti narin kaming nakakamove on sa nakaraan.

Isang taon pa ulit ang lumipas ng matapos ang pagbisita ko sa psychiatrist. Masasabi kong nakarecover na ako sa masalimuot na nakaraan kahit papaano. Hindi narin ako binabangungot sa gabi ng mga nanunumbalik na alaala ng gabing iyon. Hindi narin ako natitrigger pa awa ng Diyos. But I am still cautious. After what happened, I learned not to trust people that easily. For my own safety.

Nasundan pa ang mga paglabas ko ng bansa dahil doon. I visited Japan, Korea, and other western countries. Either for dad’s work o dahil gusto nyang malibang ako sa tuwing bakasyon sa eskwela.

Hindi lang siya ang nakakasama ko. Sometimes we are traveling with our entire family. Kagaya nalang ng bakasyon ko ngayon. Si dad kasama ni tito Raymond at RJ na abala sa business, habang kami naman ni tita Athena ay gumagala sa Singapore dahil hiniram nya ako sa daddy na magshopping para sa dadaluhang Summit.

“It’s so boring for you to sit in those meetings for hours, hija. Bata kapa para intindihin ang lahat ng iyon. When the time comes, you will be stepping up to lead after your dad. But for now, we should just shop for your new clothes. Lalo pa at mag-aaral kana sa US right?” Ngiti nito at humigpit ang angkla sa braso ko habang naglalakad kami sa mall.

Tipid akong napangiti.

Yes. Dad let me continue my studies abroad. Naging mahirap para sa daddy, but because of my stubbornness when I asked him about being able to go to school again, he willingly allowed me to finish my bachelor’s degree in the US. Only that I am still in remote learning. At kelangan ko parin ng bantay kahit saan ako magpunta. Patapos na ang ikatlong taon ko sa University, kaya giliw na giliw si tita Athena sa paghikayat sakin na mamili ng mga bagong gamit pagbalik ko ng US.

“You should try the list of the restaurants I sent you. It’s near your University. Sayang hija, at nagoonline class ka. Pero kung iyon ang ikakapanatag ng daddy mo..” she shrugged her shoulders and her eyes started wandering on the dresses displayed from the boutique we just passed.

“It’s okay tita. I’m still happy that dad is slowly getting comfortable in letting me live my life again. And I am happy to be able to.”

Bumaling ito sakin at matamis na ngumiti. “Oh dear. I am really glad that you are now doing okay. After all you’ve been through. Nandito kami hija. Hindi ka namin pababayaan.”

I tried. I started getting new friends, lalo pa at naging kampante nadin ang daddy na payagan ulit akong lumabas paminsan minsan kasama ang mga kaklase kapag nasa US ako. Though I am sad, dahil wala akong social media accounts. Hindi ko makumusta ang mga dating kaibigan at kaklase.

Si Pierce. God I miss that gay so much. Naalala niya pa kaya ako? Kamusta na kaya siya ngayon? Galit kaya siya dahil hindi ko manlang siya nakausap o nakapagpaalam matapos ang huli naming paguusap?

Kung may libreng oras si dad sa trabaho, binibisita niya ako. Kung hindi naman, he calls me everyday just to check on me. I still have my bodyguards 24/7. Hindi pwedeng wala. Dahil na rin siguro wala ako sa tabi niya. Pero kahit ganun, unti unting bumabalik ang buhay ko sa dati.

Siguro dahil wala na ako sa Pilipinas… at iniisip niyang makakabuti iyon sakin.

O dahil malayo sa taong gusto nyang iwasan ko.

It’s been almost three years… how have you been?

Pierce is the only friend I have that I can trust with my life. Kaya nakakalungkot kapag minsan ay sumasagi siya sa isip ko.

Pero… may isang taong hindi kailanman nawala sa isipan ko.

I miss you… so much. So much it hurts.

It hurts that I had to go through all this and move on with my life.. without you.

I badly wanted to be comforted by you. Na sa tuwing umiiyak ako sa gabi at naiisip na sana ay nakakausap kita, para mapakalma at mapagaan ang loob ko.

Magtatatlong taon na, pero wala akong naging kahit anong balita pa tungkol sakanya. O kay Amiel na noon ay nakaratay pa sa ospital at walang malay.

Ilang beses akong nagtangka, noong gabing pinaalis ko siya ng mansyon. Hindi ako mapakaling naghihintay kay manang ng pinapanood ko siyang kausap ang basang basang Anton na naghihintay sakin sa labas.

Sinubukan kong tanungin siya kung ano ang sinabi ni Anton noong gabing nasa hapagkainan, pero dahil sa matinding galit ng daddy ay nawalan ako ng lakas ng loob.

Sinubukan ko sa mga sumunod na araw, ngunit walang naging sagot sakin ang matanda. Tanging malungkot na ngiti lang ang binibigay nito sa akin, at palaging hinihiling na sana ay malampasan ko ang masamang nangyari.

“You look stunning, hija!” Puri ni tita Athena na agad tumayo para salubungin ako at suriin ang sinukat kong gown mula sa isang sikat na boutique na pinasok namin kanina.

“We do have dresses made by our designer for tonight’s Summit, but what do you think?” Lapit nito sakin sabay hawak sa magkabilang balikat ko at sabay kaming humarap sa full-length mirror.

“The dress looks immaculate on you, ma’am.” Singit naman ng sales associate na nagiya sa amin sa private show room. Ang isang sales associate naman sa likod niya ay tanaw kong inaayos ang biniling handbag ni tita.

“Hmm.” I pouted and stared at myself in the mirror.

Tita Athena chose a champagne-colored dress that flaunts my back but is somehow conservative looking because of its subtle bateau neckline.

Itinaas ni tita Athena ang may kahabaan ko ng buhok at ginawang bun bago muling inestima ang itsura ko sa salamin.

“I’m not sure. You know daddy tita.” Natatawa kong sabi.

“And why is that? It’s not that low back. Plus you still look conservative because of its neckline. You’re not showing too much skin if that is what concerns him.” She rolled her eyes that made me giggle.

“Hayaan mo ang daddy mo. You look good in this dress, hija. You should wear this tonight instead!” Tita Athena encouraged me to get the dress.

We ended up buying that dress along with some of new set of jewelries that she thought would be a good pair for it. Though alam ko naman sa sarili ko na ang necklace at love bangle ni mommy ang gagamitin ko.

Madami pa kaming pinasok na boutique para mamili ng bags, shoes, casual clothes, and winter jackets. Lahat ng dadalhin ko daw pagbalik ko ng US para sa susunod na school year.

Napahawak ako sa Cartier earrings na suot suot habang inaayusan ng buhok ng stylist. Hindi ko minsan hinubad ang mga ito. Hindi ko man magamit ang singsing dahil mainit sa mata ni daddy, eh natatago ko naman ang hikaw ko kapag nakalugay ang buhok ko.

I regret that I failed to understand what I am feeling way back. That I didn’t have the chance to express how I feel towards him. That I wasn’t able to give my answer.

Because until now, I don’t know how to explain what happened between us.

I’m still young, and have no deep understanding of what true love is like. I only have my mom and dad’s relationship as my reference.

Na palagi kong sinasabi sa sarili noon na sana makahanap ako ng ganoon ding klase ng pagmamahal. Kahit pa na trans ako. I dreamt of having my own perfect love story like theirs.

But I guess we cannot dictate how our future is being tailored for us. Before, I remembered I really liked Amiel, and I thought we will be together just like how my parents were, but it didn’t happen. Instead, I was astonished by his brother’s love confession.

Never in my wildest dreams occurred that I will be in a relationship with Anton. But so it happened, unexpectedly. Hindi ko din alam ang pumasok sa isip ko. With everything that happened between us, even our intimate moment.

Was that love? Or another infatuation?

Infatuation padin ba to makalipas ang ilang taon?

Still confusing, I know I have been crushing over Amiel since I was a kid, but one thing is for sure.

How I feel about Amiel, is nothing compared to how I feel about Anton.

Very different. I know it. It’s deeper with him.

If only I had the chance to understand my feelings more. If only we have more time.

In almost three years, wala akong narinig. Wala akong naging balita. Walang kahit ano.

Are you… in a relationship now?

Are you.. still waiting… for me?

I’m dying to know. It’s not impossible for us to cross paths again, I just don’t know how. Lalo pa at ganito kahigpit sakin ang daddy.

At.. dahil wala kana rin namang ginawa para makita o makausap ako.

It only took one night. And you stopped trying.

Pagkatapos siyang pauwiin ni manang, hindi ko na siya muling nakita pa.

Do you still love me? Like what you’ve confessed before? Or does your love already faded through the years?

Did you really love me? If yes, then why did you stop?

I let out a bitter laugh. Pinaalis mo hindi ba? Kaya bakit ka nagkakaganyan? Nagsisisi ka?

It’s just that.. if you really love me. Ganun lang ba kadali sumuko?

Hindi mo ba ako kaya ipaglaban?

Funny. How I want him to fight for me, yet I couldn’t even stand my ground against my dad for him.

“You look gorgeous Ms. Ria.” Putol ng stylist sa malalim kong pagiisip. Napatulala ako sa repleksyon sa salamin. My hair is tied up in a low ponytail, and my glossy nude lips almost matched the color of my dress.

Sobrang sheer and glowing ng make up ko. Bumagay lang sa kinang ng suot ko.

“So?” Tumaas ang kilay ng make up artist sa kaliwa ko at nakangiting hinihintay ang reaksyon ko sa salamin.

I smiled genuinely. “Perfect. Thank you so much.” His smile grew wider. “You’re welcome madame.”

Sabay kaming napalingon sa kumatok sa pinto. Dad, in his three-piece suit watched us with a smile.

“You ready?”

Simple akong ngumiti at tumango. Marahan siyang lumakad palapit sakin dahilan para umatras ang mga nagaayos sakin kanina. Agad niyang hinaplos ang aking pisngi.

“You look beautiful, princess. Just like your mother.” He said with a strained voice.

Mapait akong ngumiti at tumayo. He thanked my glam team and turned to me to offer his arm “Let’s go, princess. They are waiting for us.”

Inangkla ko ang kamay sa braso ng daddy at giniya nya ako palabas ng naging dressing room ko patungong conference room kung saan gaganapin ang Summit.

I inhaled deeply, trying to stop myself from overthinking.

One day. I’ll get my answers.